Contest #732


Cartoon

732

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Where were you between the hours of beddy-bye and nighty-night?”
  2. “The defense can’t rest without this witness.”
  3. “We demand blanket immunity.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2020-11-08T19:47:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2020-11-22T19:49:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2020-11-16T19:48:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued November 23, 2020
Number of captions 5961
Number of responses 945258
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 It's true, your honor. I slept with the witness. 2.3111 0.00616 15673 2991 4820 7863
1 And at what point did they threaten to beat the stuffing out of you? 2.1048 0.01268 3560 851 1485 1224
2 Isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that you were in bed with my client on the night in question? 2.0760 0.00792 9579 2540 3771 3268
3 The defense can't rest without this witness. 2.0560 0.00758 11509 3508 3852 4149
4 The witness admits having slept with the defendant. 2.0437 0.00670 13324 3716 5314 4294
5 Your Honor, I’d like to hold this witness for further questioning. 1.9585 0.01592 2364 759 944 661
6 Where were you between the hours of beddy-bye and nighty-night? 1.9526 0.00822 9993 3635 3204 3154
7 Wasn’t your left eye sewn back on AFTER you identified my client?! 1.9468 0.00815 9975 3592 3326 3057
8 Your Honor. Although the dog insists that he just wants to play, my client would still like a restraining order. 1.9333 0.01375 3463 1257 1180 1026
9 I’ll rephrase the question. “fuzzy wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he?”. 1.9308 0.00931 7706 2871 2502 2333
10 This is the most credible witness we could find at the White House. 1.9237 0.00947 8372 3486 2040 2846
11 We demand blanket immunity 1.9235 0.00928 7468 2726 2595 2147
12 Is the person who put you in the washer and dryer in this courtroom? 1.9227 0.00878 8386 3067 2903 2416
13 I must recuse myself, your Honor. I sleep with the defendant. 1.9203 0.00753 10980 3911 4040 3029
14 Well, your honor, if he isn't qualified to bear witness, who is? 1.9151 0.01556 2661 979 929 753
15 He’s been in and out of thrift stores since age 10. 1.9020 0.00818 10021 3908 3192 2921
16 Three years of being dragged down the stairs by my ear. I snapped. 1.8477 0.00982 6873 2887 2148 1838
17 “Your honor, please instruct the witness that he can’t answer every question with ‘I love you this much.’ ” 1.8253 0.01188 4391 1815 1530 1046
18 He's undeniably an accessory to kid napping. 1.8236 0.01080 5639 2445 1746 1448
19 Let the record show the witness' lips are sealed. 1.8131 0.01179 4269 1763 1550 956
20 He still maintains, Your Honor, that the hugging was not consensual. 1.7976 0.01073 5357 2322 1804 1231
21 What he does in the woods is not on trial! 1.7835 0.01122 5243 2433 1517 1293
22 Teddy? Pooh? Boo-Boo? Exactly how many aliases do you have, sir? 1.7833 0.01133 4628 1985 1661 982
23 No need to break for lunch, Your Honor, my client is stuffed. 1.7759 0.01087 5256 2354 1726 1176
24 Oh, c'mon, Your Honor, how could this possibly not please the court? 1.7701 0.01200 4184 1851 1444 889
25 The witness is toying with us, your honor." 1.7625 0.01308 3381 1474 1236 671
26 It was as close to an adult as we could find in the White House. 1.7598 0.01289 4067 1984 1078 1005
27 Your Honor, my client needs a hug. 1.7456 0.01304 3526 1619 1185 722
28 Your Honor, the defendant has every right to bear arms. 1.7453 0.01497 2886 1394 833 659
29 I don’t know whether to hold you in contempt or just hold you. 1.7395 0.01230 3754 1688 1358 708
30 And you believe that Build-A-Bear’s negligence, which resulted in your inability to lower your arms, is what caused you to lose the Kung Fu Panda role? 1.7373 0.01456 3144 1569 832 743
31 Is the the person who abandoned you when she left for college seated in this courtroom? 1.7373 0.01445 2710 1219 985 506
32 Objection, your honor, the witness’s memory is fuzzy. 1.7366 0.01386 3071 1424 1035 612
33 My client has an airtight alibi. At the time of the crime, he hadn't even been manufactured. 1.7317 0.01167 4815 2401 1306 1108
34 Do you deny you were found in bed, with the accused, on the day of the incident? 1.7201 0.01117 4338 1955 1644 739
35 I asked for the defendant to bear witness... not for a bear witness 1.7197 0.01201 4252 2067 1310 875
36 Please show us on the lady where he touched you 1.7179 0.01485 3056 1582 754 720
37 Sir , please just answer the question , Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy was he ? 1.7161 0.01158 4582 2245 1394 943
38 Let the record show that the witness stated his chair is "just right" 1.7135 0.01276 3529 1667 1207 655
39 Let the record show that the witness answered “So Big”. 1.7090 0.01199 4131 2002 1329 800
40 Your honor, I believe the witness meant “colluding,” not “cuddling.” 1.7089 0.01399 3040 1476 973 591
41 I hope you’re not expecting blanket immunity. 1.7071 0.01237 3837 1853 1255 729
42 You expect us to believe you were at home in bed the night of the murder? 1.7034 0.01132 4568 2216 1491 861
43 Your honor, it's going to take 2 AAs to get him to talk 1.6991 0.01451 2812 1390 881 541
44 He says he’s a little fuzzy on the details. 1.6965 0.01155 4148 1968 1471 709
45 On the night of the murder, isn’t it true that you slept with the defendant? 1.6962 0.01182 3960 1887 1392 681
46 No, your Honor, this witness IS Mr Trump’s constitutional expert. 1.6908 0.01560 2723 1461 646 616
47 Your Honor, my client insists on his Second Amendment right to bear arms. 1.6904 0.01270 3811 1949 1095 767
48 Your honor, my client only speaks when mom and dad leave the room. 1.6895 0.01486 2612 1284 855 473
49 I have to recuse myself. I slept with this witness for 10 years 1.6797 0.01367 2975 1463 1005 507
50 And you lured her, knowing all along that the porridge was "just right," didn't you? 1.6786 0.01900 1509 731 532 246
51 Admit it, you were in her bed that night. 1.6761 0.01290 3353 1661 1120 572
52 Your honor, permission to snuggle with the witness? 1.6739 0.01518 2573 1319 774 480
53 Where were you on the nighty-night of the 31st? 1.6707 0.01518 2490 1262 787 441
54 ... and then I heard her say 'chew toy' and that's the last thing I remember. 1.6677 0.01855 1667 847 527 293
55 Ted talks 1.6665 0.01660 2210 1164 619 427
56 In his defense, Your Honor, she ate all of his porridge. 1.6644 0.01710 1940 985 621 334
57 Your honor, the defendant was hired as a companion not an escort 1.6608 0.01894 1530 767 515 248
58 You have the right to remain silent 1.6561 0.01552 2329 1199 735 395
59 So...you DO admit having slept with the defendant! 1.6534 0.01408 2830 1454 903 473
60 He’s usually under cover. 1.6531 0.01651 2070 1067 654 349
61 Mr. Snuggles, did you, or did you not, conspire with the monster under the bed to frighten the defendant? 1.6516 0.01656 2052 1059 649 344
62 And your testifying that all two thousand of the hugs you received were non-consensual? 1.6493 0.01459 2780 1481 793 506
63 Your Honor, the defendant hugged my client without their permission on multiple occasions. 1.6477 0.01673 2231 1228 561 442
64 His silence is making a mockery of this trial yiur honor. 1.6370 0.01807 1992 1140 435 417
65 Your honor, please let the record show that the defendant prefers to be referred to as Theodore. 1.6281 0.01590 2127 1114 690 323
66 Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to raise just his right hand? 1.6277 0.01646 2095 1137 604 354
67 Your honor, the witness is being unresponsive and cuddly. 1.6262 0.01834 1731 948 482 301
68 Counsel will cease asking the bear witness to bear witness. 1.6233 0.01678 1954 1049 594 311
69 Your honor, my client’s memory is admittedly a little fuzzy ... 1.6192 0.01700 1791 934 605 252
70 Permission to cross-snuggle the witness, your honor. 1.6145 0.01962 1655 969 355 331
71 I said raise your RIGHT hand and repeat after me... 1.6139 0.01962 1580 903 384 293
72 Let the record show that the witness loves the defendant ‘This much.’ 1.6133 0.01841 1554 828 500 226
73 So you're telling me under oath that the name Christopher Robin is still unfamiliar to you? 1.6107 0.02440 881 469 286 126
74 And yet you were the last person to see Blankie that night, weren’t you? 1.6107 0.01944 1446 786 437 223
75 Did the defendant really say he was going to knock the stuffing out of you? 1.6101 0.01841 1590 859 492 239
76 and then he yelled, Hands where i can see them... 1.6088 0.02000 1508 865 368 275
77 The witness suggests you could use a hug. 1.6087 0.02058 1495 880 320 295
78 Being dragged around by the arm has caused my client pain, suffering and great loss of dignity. 1.6073 0.01912 1416 756 461 199
79 Your honor, my client thought he was charged with snuggling. 1.6032 0.02033 1356 758 379 219
80 Let the record show that the defendant needs a hug. 1.6032 0.02018 1424 807 375 242
81 what is your preferred pronoun? 1.6028 0.02627 798 441 233 124
82 Just your right hand will do. 1.6012 0.03195 514 278 163 73
83 Motion to cuddle the witness is denied. 1.6000 0.02095 1340 769 338 233
84 Can you point to the person who knocked the stuffing out of you? 1.5996 0.01984 1366 750 413 203
85 He said if I wanna cross examine him I Have to hug him first 1.5979 0.02197 1338 809 258 271
86 So you admit you were sleeping with the defendant. 1.5963 0.01973 1298 698 427 173
87 “He’s not telling us all he knows. Permission to pull his string again, Your Honor.” 1.5957 0.02025 1291 708 397 186
88 "Permission to approach the bench for cuddles, your honor?" 1.5947 0.02216 1310 794 253 263
89 Your honor, the defendant will invoke his right to remain silent. 1.5938 0.02070 1248 690 375 183
90 Do you need a hug? 1.5938 0.02224 1312 800 245 267
91 But, Your Honor, he is a material witness. 1.5923 0.02096 1214 672 365 177
92 Your honor, he's qualified to testify as an expert because he's smarter than the average bear. 1.5911 0.02127 1186 662 348 176
93 Do you deny sleeping with the defendant? 1.5893 0.02094 1181 650 367 164
94 Your Honor, "Pooh" is NOT an expletive! 1.5870 0.02189 1109 618 331 160
95 He wants to know if you'd be open to a hug. 1.5839 0.02375 1127 690 216 221
96 And this is the extent to which you have been able to raise your hands since the sewing, correct? 1.5837 0.02186 1069 588 338 143
97 I ask you again, did you or did you not sleep with the accused? 1.5824 0.02228 1056 589 319 148
98 No, I do NOT need a hug. Just answer the question. 1.5816 0.02191 1109 624 325 160
99 Please refer to the witness as Theodore. 1.5801 0.02183 1086 607 329 150
100 I apologize, your honor, Mr. Giuliani told me the witness would be credible. 1.5801 0.02400 1024 607 240 177
101 Just answer the question- did you sleep with her? 1.5772 0.02283 1036 591 292 153
102 So at no time you were ever told you would be a chew toy? 1.5758 0.02374 950 541 271 138
103 Where you cuddling or were you not? 1.5746 0.02510 999 617 190 192
104 Your Honor, I intend to prove that the defendent is smarter than the average bear. 1.5730 0.02269 972 539 309 124
105 That's not what the court means when it says bear witness. 1.5708 0.02383 946 544 264 138
106 So Ted, how long have you been sleeping with children? 1.5699 0.03119 544 311 156 77
107 Yeah. I was there for her every stinking night, and then suddenly, 12 years later, she says, she doesn't need me any more. 1.5642 0.02510 872 512 228 132
108 She was *THIS" big, had yellow ponytails and ate all my food! 1.5638 0.02423 878 501 259 118
109 Permission to treat this very bad bear as a cuddly witness, your honor. 1.5617 0.02777 826 523 142 161
110 Permission to snuggle with the witness. 1.5617 0.02741 851 540 144 167
111 Your honor, I move to squeeze and snuggle the witness. 1.5580 0.02843 810 523 122 165
112 Your honor, Teddy is telling me we should hug and make up. 1.5580 0.02777 828 528 138 162
113 And tell us Theodore... do you see the child, who heartlessly abandoned you for a superhero action figure, seated in this courtroom? 1.5575 0.02512 818 472 236 110
114 So it's fair to say you didn't actually make all the boo-boos better, isn't it? 1.5570 0.02633 684 383 222 79
115 It was either him or the imaginary friend, your Honor, and quite frankly we still can’t locate her. 1.5567 0.02601 794 467 212 115
116 'and my client says the plaintiff squeezed him, hugged him, and then she took him to bed without his consent' 1.5565 0.02501 805 460 242 103
117 And why did you think the porridge was left out for you? 1.5561 0.02507 793 454 238 101
118 So, who threatened to knock the stuffing out of you? 1.5558 0.02567 770 442 228 100
119 Strangulation by hugging is a serious offense. 1.5544 0.02906 772 500 116 156
120 One more outburst of 'awww' and I will clear this courtroom. 1.5543 0.02668 727 422 207 98
121 Your honor, I move for dismissal on the grounds the defendant needs a hug. 1.5538 0.02915 771 501 113 157
122 We request a recess. Followed by a snack and a nap. 1.5533 0.02578 750 429 227 94
123 Motion granted. Counsel may hug the witness. 1.5507 0.02823 750 468 151 131
124 And you’re known on the street as “Snuggles,” isn’t that right? 1.5495 0.02697 717 421 198 98
125 Mr. Snuggums, is it true you slept with the defendant on numerous occasions? 1.5493 0.02523 750 424 240 86
126 At what point did your client replace Mr Giuliani with you sir? 1.5491 0.02724 743 450 179 114
127 I am now calling to the stand Mr. Trump’s witness, who will testify that he observed widespread voting fraud 1.5477 0.02837 723 450 151 122
128 I think you misunderstood when I said ‘bear witness.’ 1.5474 0.02660 738 435 202 101
129 So, "Teddy", if that is your real name... 1.5461 0.02672 716 419 203 94
130 Permission to treat this witness as textile, your honor? 1.5455 0.02740 715 428 184 103
131 My client asks that the hungry black Doberman be struck from the jury 1.5452 0.02774 664 389 188 87
132 Really, your defense is that you were hibernating? 1.5443 0.02848 610 353 182 75
133 Can you prove you were in bed with the defendant at the time of the crime? 1.5424 0.02626 695 398 217 80
134 ...and I hereby rule that any caption competition entry that uses the phrase "bear witness" shall be declared inadmissible. 1.5410 0.02908 634 382 161 91
135 She picked me up and carried me to her bed. How would YOU have interpreted that? 1.5393 0.02832 649 387 174 88
136 The witness has received blanket immunity. We expect him to talk. 1.5364 0.02702 632 365 197 70
137 Your objection that the witness has no backbone is sustained. 1.5364 0.02730 632 363 199 70
138 I grew up with Winnie the Poo, I have worked with Winnie the Poo, I know Winnie the Poo. Your Honor, this witness is NOT Winnie the Poo. 1.5362 0.02876 621 370 169 82
139 Yes, your honor, this is our only witness to election fraud. 1.5361 0.03001 623 386 140 97
140 My client had both hands up the whole time and they still shot him. 1.5343 0.02848 597 363 155 79
141 Your honor, this was the only witness that Giuliani provided. 1.5327 0.03214 535 331 123 81
142 Your Honor, I contend that Fuzzy Wuzzy was not fuzzy, was he? 1.5299 0.02860 602 356 173 73
143 My client is protected under the 2nd amendment: The right to bear arms. 1.5297 0.02971 589 359 149 81
144 Can you estimate how many hours you worked as an " emotional support bear" for the defendant without receiving compensation?" 1.5288 0.03149 520 314 137 69
145 Permission to anthropomorphize the witness, Your Honor. 1.5264 0.03028 530 316 150 64
146 Kangaroo court is next door. 1.5259 0.03487 405 241 115 49
147 Can you tell the court who put the kilo of cocaine in your stomach? 1.5253 0.03035 554 335 147 72
148 Wouldn’t you agree that “The” is a very unusual middle name Mr. Pooh? 1.5251 0.02954 558 331 161 66
149 Wasn't that the very day the teddy bears had their picnic? 1.5242 0.02982 559 335 155 69
150 You stated that the assailant was fuzzy. Yet my client, Fuzzy Wuzzy, wasn't fuzzy, was he? 1.5241 0.03149 540 334 129 77
151 Can you confirm that he threatened to knock the stuffing out of you? 1.5228 0.03355 394 226 130 38
152 And you expect the jury to believe you were sitting on a shelf with a sock monkey for the entire evening in question? 1.5228 0.02911 549 321 169 59
153 He said he would knock the stuffing out of me. 1.5226 0.03058 530 318 147 65
154 Your honor, let the record reflect that the witness is being non-responsive. 1.5223 0.03001 538 320 155 63
155 Your honor, I've called my next witness who can verify the suspect's whereabouts between the hours of beddy-bye and nighty-night time. 1.5221 0.03485 429 263 108 58
156 .....And can you point out for the jury, the the little girl that violated your bed, and your chair, and your porridge? 1.5221 0.03041 542 332 139 71
157 Your Honor, I believe the defense is toying with you. 1.5220 0.02900 546 318 171 57
158 Objection, non-responsive 1.5213 0.02974 539 319 159 61
159 Your honor, permission to cuddle the witness? 1.5198 0.02980 529 312 159 58
160 Your Honor, I'm going to have to pull some strings to get him to talk. 1.5193 0.03002 518 305 157 56
161 Your honor, my client wishes to exercise his right to remain silent. 1.5186 0.03057 511 304 149 58
162 Permission to treat the witness as cute and cuddly, your honor. 1.5182 0.02993 523 309 157 57
163 Can you be more specific than just saying that the defendant 'knocked the stuffing' out of you? 1.5150 0.02993 499 291 159 49
164 What pronoun do you prefer? 1.5143 0.03210 488 301 124 63
165 Mr. Trump, please get off the floor and back in the witness chair. Nobody's being mean to you 1.5136 0.03296 514 329 106 79
166 Is this really the only witness they could get to prove that the election was fraudulent? 1.5124 0.03313 482 302 113 67
167 He refuses to answer on the grounds that his lips are sewn together. 1.5123 0.03240 486 300 123 63
168 I'm sorry your honor. He only responds to Theodore. 1.5116 0.03194 432 252 139 41
169 It’s time to put this case to bed. 1.5116 0.03261 432 256 131 45
170 Look around the courtroom and tell us if you see Goldilocks,the girl you say ate your porridge,broke your chair,and slept in your bed. 1.5110 0.03103 501 303 140 58
171 Do you deny hiding under the bed while Abigail cried and thought you were lost? 1.5102 0.03097 488 292 143 53
172 The defendant has taken the stand to say he is sorry and really needs a hug. 1.5102 0.03184 492 302 129 61
173 So then fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? 1.5085 0.03216 472 288 128 56
174 Now point out the girl that ate your porridge and broke your chair. 1.5084 0.03040 476 284 144 48
175 And your testimony is that you spent the entire night with the defendant. 1.5084 0.03172 478 290 133 55
176 So Mr. Poo, you claim to have no knowledge of a honey laundering operation? 1.5082 0.03576 364 218 107 39
177 Mr. Trump says you voted 700 times in Pennsylvania. Is this true? 1.5071 0.03560 420 266 95 59
178 The defense naps, your honor. 1.5056 0.03135 445 269 130 46
179 So, you're saying it was no picnic, is that right? 1.5049 0.03365 408 245 120 43
180 So it’s your contention that when you told the plaintiff to get stuffed, you meant it as a compliment? 1.5039 0.03484 389 236 110 43
181 Your Honor, the neighbor's dog ate his sister, so I would ask you consider that in your ruling. 1.5023 0.03196 438 261 134 43
182 You “have the right to bear arms”? Is this a joke to you, Mr. Teddy? 1.5022 0.03363 450 282 110 58
183 He's just a material witness your Honor. 1.5022 0.03270 452 280 118 54
184 Your Honor, if the witness refuses to answer the question, I would ask that the court instruct the bailiff to pull the little string on his back. 1.5011 0.03191 439 262 134 43
185 The defendant exercised both the Fifth Amendment and his right to bear arms. 1.5011 0.03381 439 274 110 55
186 Show us on the bear where the president touched you. . 1.4988 0.03557 429 285 77 67
187 Permission to treat Eric Trump as hostile, your honor? 1.4988 0.03533 429 276 92 61
188 So it’s your testimony that for every bear that ever there was, that you, alone, were not at the picnic? 1.4976 0.03425 418 260 108 50
189 Don't play cute with me 1.4970 0.03764 328 200 93 35
190 Sir, for the record, is your legal first name Theodore? 1.4965 0.03238 427 257 128 42
191 Your honor,my client prefers Theodore. 1.4965 0.03300 425 259 121 45
192 The defendant claims to have been in bed at the time." 1.4964 0.03209 413 244 133 36
193 Permission to pull the defendant’s string, your honor. 1.4953 0.03168 424 251 136 37
194 Did you get a good look at their face before they threw you in the washer? 1.4926 0.03382 408 251 113 44
195 My client would like to request that the court goes into hibernation. 1.4926 0.03343 404 248 114 42
196 First a packed court, now a stuffed witness? 1.4912 0.03529 399 252 98 49
197 I rule that the testimony of the witness is not too long and not too short, but just right. 1.4911 0.03273 395 235 126 34
198 Oh, don't look so innocent! 1.4909 0.03501 385 241 100 44
199 and the employe from build a bear touched you where? 1.4899 0.03512 396 249 100 47
200 And were these hugs welcome? 1.4896 0.03339 384 230 120 34
201 Your honor, the witness was working undercovers. 1.4896 0.03359 384 231 118 35
202 It looks like we will need three sizes of witness chairs to proceed with this trial. 1.4887 0.03438 399 248 107 44
203 Your Honor, my client made it very clear that if anyone went down to the woods on the day in question, they’d be in for a big surprise. 1.4881 0.03532 379 236 101 42
204 Judge, will you please instruct the witness that "being a bear of very little brain" is not a valid alibi. 1.4872 0.03420 390 240 110 40
205 Can you tell the court how you felt when the defendant left you on the train? 1.4868 0.03525 380 237 101 42
206 Your Honor, I think we can both agree that Donald Trump can’t send in a substitute for questioning. 1.4861 0.03541 397 253 95 49
207 He’s suing for being pulled out of retirement by his former owner who moved home during the pandemic 1.4860 0.03372 393 248 102 43
208 I ask you again, under oath: have you ever shared a bed with a minor? 1.4849 0.03631 365 230 93 42
209 Objection sustained. You may not hug the witness. 1.4842 0.03505 380 237 102 41
210 Would I be right to assume that this is your first time in Family Court, counselor? 1.4832 0.03641 358 225 93 40
211 So you admit you stole the hearts of children everywhere? 1.4831 0.03546 356 219 102 35
212 Please just answer the question: Did you or did you not sleep with a minor? 1.4830 0.03562 383 243 95 45
213 So when, exactly, did the teddybears have their picnic? 1.4826 0.03593 373 236 94 43
214 We've got a fur sample match, so stop playing cute with me. 1.4821 0.03582 363 227 97 39
215 And yet we've heard a dozen witnesses who swear you DID go down to the woods that day. 1.4821 0.03645 363 230 91 42
216 Your Honor, it seems the witness could use a hug. 1.4812 0.03435 372 228 109 35
217 Isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that you've been sleeping with the defendant for years? 1.4809 0.03540 366 228 100 38
218 Your Honor, the witness has known the defendant since he was born. 1.4808 0.03489 364 224 105 35
219 If the honey was licked, you must convict. 1.4801 0.03746 327 204 89 34
220 He claims that the honey in his possession was being held for someone else. 1.4801 0.03506 352 215 105 32
221 So when did you first learn that Downy causes cancer? 1.4800 0.03635 350 219 94 37
222 I told you it was a material witness. 1.4797 0.03611 344 213 97 34
223 Was the cuddling consensual? 1.4790 0.03538 357 221 101 35
224 Please describe the unwanted touching and hugging that you had to endure. 1.4789 0.03727 355 228 84 43
225 'the defendant apparently needs it for watching the election results your honour' 1.4784 0.03634 347 217 94 36
226 Stonewall all you want, but Piglet and Eeyore already rolled over on you." 1.4781 0.03688 343 216 90 37
227 I’m sorry but in this Court, we don’t let Sleepy Bears lie. 1.4781 0.03711 343 217 88 38
228 And how long have you been sleeping with the defendant? 1.4776 0.03681 335 209 92 34
229 Instruct your witness to stop playing cute or I will clear the courtroom! 1.4775 0.03611 356 224 94 38
230 Your Honor, permission to approach the witness and give him a big hug? 1.4773 0.03585 352 222 93 37
231 I think it's about time we put this case to bed. 1.4760 0.03902 334 218 73 43
232 Do you also deny the Pope is Catholic? 1.4750 0.03957 320 208 72 40
233 Permission to treat him as a tactile witness, Your Honor. 1.4747 0.06633 99 61 29 9
234 I know this is difficult Teddy, and we are almost finished. Can you tell us if the dog who humped your face is in the courtroom. 1.4740 0.03698 346 228 75 43
235 Permission to approach the witness and pull his ring, Your Honor. 1.4740 0.03595 346 216 96 34
236 Your honor, that is the second time that he has answered my question with "tickle me." Permission to treat him as a hostile witness. 1.4732 0.03473 336 208 99 29
237 Permission to cuddle the witness your honor? 1.4731 0.03611 353 223 93 37
238 Your Honor, I move to strike 'cuddly wuddly widdle bear' from the record. 1.4728 0.03595 349 219 95 35
239 The witness is well qualified, Your Honor. He is smarter than the average bear. 1.4722 0.03719 324 203 89 32
240 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, does this look like the face of a killer? 1.4720 0.03672 339 214 90 35
241 She ate my porridge, broke my chair, and was sleeping in my bed, so yes, I was very angry, but when I last saw her she was very much alive and running away through the woods.” #bearingwitnes 1.4720 0.03742 339 217 84 38
242 And can you testify as to how many times Sally’s mother threw you in the washing machine? 1.4715 0.03596 333 206 97 30
243 I don't know how they do it where you're from, but in New York there is no right to arm bears. 1.4711 0.03571 346 216 97 33
244 And then she ate my food ....broke my chair! And was sleeping in my bed! 1.4711 0.03583 346 219 92 35
245 Your Honor, permission to hug the witness? 1.4709 0.03633 344 217 92 35
246 I'm sorry Your Honor, he was a lot more talkative in bed last night. 1.4708 0.03685 325 203 91 31
247 Please explain to the jury what you were doing in the woods. 1.4706 0.03675 323 201 92 30
248 So what did you do when you saw the blond lady in your bed? 1.4706 0.03687 340 216 88 36
249 Your honor, we now ask that the defendant try on the blankie. 1.4701 0.03487 334 203 105 26
250 Your honor, may we stipulate that the witness is “adorable.” 1.4697 0.03593 330 204 97 29
251 Your Honor, the witness is toying with me. 1.4697 0.03695 330 208 89 33
252 Yes or no? Are you part of the sleeper cell? 1.4695 0.03664 311 191 94 26
253 Did you or did you not shit in the woods? 1.4689 0.03937 322 211 71 40
254 So that’s your story? That you were on the pillow the whole night? 1.4686 0.03795 318 202 83 33
255 OK! OK! I admit it! I did it! The deal was only for 4 years. He kept squeezing me so tightly and his orange makeup kept rubbing off on me, and then he started taking me to his rallies and he'd make me hide under the podium... it just got to be too much. I couldn't take it anymore! 1.4681 0.03874 329 215 74 40
256 My client was held against his will 1.4680 0.03724 297 182 91 24
257 This witness doesn’t know pooh. 1.4678 0.03981 295 189 74 32
258 And that's when little Donald forged your signature on the non-disclosure agreement? 1.4677 0.03839 310 197 81 32
259 The prosecution asks that the witness be considered ‘adorable.’ 1.4665 0.03659 328 206 91 31
260 Your Honor, the defense requests a recess-followed by a nap and a snack. 1.4665 0.03735 328 209 85 34
261 Can you prove you are an Emotional Support Animal? 1.4658 0.03629 322 200 94 28
262 Porridge gone, chair broken, the defendant asleep in your bed - I’ve never heard such a fairy tale. 1.4654 0.03742 318 201 86 31
263 Please explain to the court how you came to be a registered voter in the recent election. 1.4651 0.03865 301 191 80 30
264 Please tell us the real purpose of the so-called 'picnic' in the woods that day. 1.4648 0.05534 142 89 40 13
265 What do you mean “so help me Pooh?” 1.4643 0.03801 308 195 83 30
266 You expect the jury to believe you were unloved? 1.4618 0.03466 314 194 97 23
267 Your Honor, let the record show that Mr. Wuzzy is not, in fact, fuzzy at all. 1.4600 0.03635 300 184 94 22
268 Your Honor, there’s been some confusion about the right to bear arms. 1.4595 0.03881 296 189 78 29
269 And you say the defendant "beat the stuffings out of" you? 1.4585 0.03687 301 187 90 24
270 That's when he told me "snitches get stitches!" 1.4585 0.03891 301 194 76 31
271 Let me emphasize that it was NOT the defendant, but his Mother who locked you in the trunk in the attic. 1.4582 0.03823 299 190 81 28
272 He squashed me into a box this wide. Twelve years of darkness. It was unbearable. 1.4576 0.03890 295 189 77 29
273 The defense would like to rest, Your Honor. 1.4576 0.03919 295 190 75 30
274 Is it true that you falsely advertised yourself as ‘fuzzy wuzzy’ when you, in fact, had no hair? 1.4575 0.03703 306 192 88 26
275 Warm and cuddly, yes; but, also dangerous, scheming, and remorseless sociopath. 1.4567 0.03929 300 195 73 32
276 Your Honor, this witness is compromised, I saw the defendant hugging him. 1.4567 0.03813 300 191 81 28
277 Yes, your honor -- an immediate restraining order against the family dog. 1.4567 0.03813 300 191 81 28
278 Is the person you found sleeping in your bed here in the courtroom today? 1.4567 0.03842 300 192 79 29
279 Your Honor, the defendant feels the overlarge chair is a deliberate attempt at intimidation. 1.4567 0.03509 300 181 101 18
280 Everything about that night was fuzzy. 1.4561 0.03790 296 187 83 26
281 Being named after a President does not give you executive privilege. 1.4556 0.04013 270 172 73 25
282 My client seeks emancipation from his duties as "Emotional Support Bear" 1.4555 0.03857 292 186 79 27
283 Excuse my client, Your Honor. He just got out of a tumble dryer and is extremely shaken. 1.4552 0.03784 268 164 86 18
284 Your honor, this false bear witness is clearly bearing false witness. 1.4552 0.03953 279 178 75 26
285 And is it not true that you slept with the defendant on numerous occasions? 1.4545 0.03851 286 181 80 25
286 Your Honor, my client, pleads, 'self defense'. The defendant has repeatedly used a choke hold for transportation, and kept him lodged between the bed and wall for weeks. 1.4545 0.03840 297 190 79 28
287 Are you asking this court to believe you did not go to bed with him that night? 1.4542 0.03822 284 181 78 25
288 What is this? A New Yorker cartoon? 1.4539 0.03996 293 192 69 32
289 Tell the Court why, on that day of all days, you elected not to attend the picnic? 1.4539 0.03967 293 191 71 31
290 ... and that’s when Donald threw me out of the pram your Honor. 1.4539 0.04025 293 193 67 33
291 According to the second amendment, this bear's right to arms is clear as day. 1.4530 0.04031 298 198 65 35
292 Just the bear facts, your Honour 1.4530 0.04027 287 188 68 31
293 Counsel, stop toying with the witness. 1.4530 0.03935 287 185 74 28
294 Define consensual 1.4530 0.03997 287 187 70 30
295 Your Honor, this witness is just toying with us. 1.4520 0.03766 281 175 85 21
296 My client requests a three month hibernation recess. 1.4520 0.03899 281 179 77 25
297 Your Honor, I apologize, our key witness is still at recess. 1.4520 0.03947 281 183 70 28
298 The witness stated the defendant was not present during nap time.” 1.4510 0.03753 286 179 85 22
299 Where were you the nighty night of the murder? 1.4510 0.03944 286 185 73 28
300 Apparently, your honor, the defense is resting. 1.4510 0.03850 286 182 79 25
301 With all due respect your honor, how much can a teddy bear? 1.4496 0.03928 278 178 75 25
302 And once your owner threw you into the washing machine, then what happened? 1.4491 0.03826 285 181 80 24
303 Is it your testimony, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy, that Barbie was already nude and decapitated at the time you came to share a bed with her? 1.4489 0.04229 274 184 57 33
304 Yes, we have been sleeping together 1.4489 0.03761 274 170 85 19
305 Please tell the court about the multiple times he's forgotten you in the grocery store cart. 1.4484 0.03662 281 173 90 18
306 Now, you claim to have been in bed on the night in question. 1.4484 0.03798 281 182 74 25
307 This bear may look innocent but it was stuffed with nearly 17,000 fraudulent ballots, your honor. 1.4483 0.04180 261 171 63 27
308 We are not contesting your right to bear arms.... 1.4480 0.04014 279 182 69 28
309 Of course he's prepared to bear witness! 1.4480 0.03884 279 178 77 24
310 Please point to the girl you found in your bed 1.4480 0.03783 279 175 83 21
311 Did you or did you not attend said picnic? 1.4477 0.03903 277 177 76 24
312 Counselor, I’ll allow it. You may hug the witness. 1.4477 0.04035 277 181 68 28
313 The woman was blonde and she likes porridge. 1.4476 0.03784 286 181 82 23
314 Your honor, I've slept with this witness. 1.4474 0.03946 266 169 75 22
315 Your honour, how much can a teddy bear? 1.4474 0.04190 266 176 61 29
316 Permission to treat the witness as adorably hostile. 1.4473 0.03821 275 173 81 21
317 Don't act so innocent. Please tell the court exactly what happens at this so-called, 'Teddy Bear's Picnic.' 1.4468 0.04077 282 187 64 31
318 In your own testimony you admit that he had no hair, so I put it to you now, sir: Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? 1.4461 0.03985 269 173 72 24
319 To be fair, his brother did look a lot like the chew toy. 1.4457 0.03826 267 172 73 22
320 The jury is instructed to disregard the cuteness of this witness. 1.4457 0.03826 267 167 81 19
321 Mr Wuzzy, we can all agree you are a bear, and have no hair. So I ask again, how can you still call yourself Fuzzy 1.4457 0.04041 267 173 69 25
322 With your permission, I'd like to pull the string on his back. 1.4457 0.03845 276 175 79 22
323 Why does it matter what I do in the woods? 1.4457 0.04077 276 182 65 29
324 Objection, your Honor, the President had specifically requested a Kangaroo court. 1.4457 0.04236 276 187 55 34
325 Well, to you it may have been a picnic in the woods, but to my client it was a traumatic experience. 1.4453 0.03933 274 176 74 24
326 When I said 'Bear Witness', I didn't mean it in the literal sense. 1.4453 0.04164 274 183 60 31
327 Mr. Bear, is it your testimony that you spent the whole night in question with the accused?? 1.4449 0.03918 272 174 75 23
328 There is no murder weapon Your Honor. We believe the defendant used his bear hands. 1.4449 0.04021 272 177 69 26
329 Let the record show, Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. 1.4444 0.03796 270 169 82 19
330 If I may, your Honor, pulling the ring on the witness' back will be most informative. 1.4432 0.04108 264 173 65 26
331 His memory is a bit fuzzy. 1.4427 0.04086 253 163 68 22
332 For the record, Fuzzy Wuzzy, you're saying you did indeed engage in hanky panky with Henny Penny at Piggly Wiggly as alleged? 1.4423 0.04153 260 171 63 26
333 And how did you come to realize that someone had been eating your porridge? 1.4422 0.03950 251 158 75 18
334 Tell the jury,what did this young female, whom you have described as having “golden locks of hair”, do next? 1.4419 0.03861 267 169 78 20
335 Make up your mind. Was it too hot or too cold? 1.4414 0.04126 256 167 65 24
336 Your Honor, my client claims that the body cavity search was illegal, and he had no knowledge of the 2 kilos he was carrying. 1.4409 0.04035 254 163 70 21
337 Permission to treat the witness as docile? 1.4409 0.04073 254 164 68 22
338 Teddy bear or not, a picnic on city property requires a permit. 1.4406 0.04105 261 171 65 25
339 And how many stitches did you receive after having the stuffing knocked out of you? 1.4406 0.03921 261 166 75 20
340 And just how long have you been sleeping with the defendant? 1.4402 0.04017 259 167 70 22
341 So, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy . . .was he? 1.4402 0.04054 259 168 68 23
342 Your honor, my client is totally innocent and was asleep upstairs when Goldilocks broke in. 1.4402 0.04235 259 173 58 28
343 This might be a sensitive question: “Do you believe the ballot boxes were stuffed?” 1.4400 0.04196 250 164 62 24
344 And isn’t it true that my client threatened to, but in fact DID NOT, knock the stuffing out of you. 1.4387 0.03966 253 161 73 19
345 In keeping with proper courtroom decorum, please address the witness as 'Mr. Roosevelt'. 1.4385 0.04042 260 169 68 23
346 So you were at the teddy bear picnic, with every bear that ever there was.. but yet no witnesses. 1.4385 0.04186 260 173 60 27
347 Let’s get this straight. You say you saw a little girl sleeping in your bed? 1.4380 0.04101 258 169 65 24
348 Let the record show, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. 1.4380 0.04174 258 171 61 26
349 Do you see this "Goldilocks" you found sleeping in your bed in the courtroom today? 1.4380 0.04027 258 167 69 22
350 This is your witness to voter fraud? 1.4378 0.04188 249 166 58 25
351 Counsel may now call her imaginary friend 1.4375 0.04011 256 165 70 21
352 Answer the question! Isn't it true you were sleeping together? 1.4370 0.03954 254 162 73 19
353 Your Honor, my client's pre-existing condition should be covered under the provisions of the Affordable Bear Act. 1.4370 0.04258 254 170 57 27
354 Counsel, stop asking the witness if he's toying with you. 1.4365 0.04245 252 168 58 26
355 Your honor, permission to cuddle with the witness? 1.4365 0.03976 252 161 72 19
356 Respectfully,Your Honor,he prefers "Theodore." 1.4365 0.04170 252 166 62 24
357 And who were you cuddling with that night, Mr. Bear? 1.4363 0.03863 259 164 77 18
358 And so the jury is supposed to believe that at the age of eight, Billy just abandoned you? 1.4358 0.04184 257 171 60 26
359 Your Honor, I believe we need to pull the string again. 1.4355 0.04256 248 165 58 25
360 But, your honor, the entire jury has slept with this witness. 1.4355 0.04218 248 164 60 24
361 As the presidents key witness, ... 1.4355 0.04294 248 166 56 26
362 It was the chubby one with the orange face and the comb-over. 1.4351 0.04299 262 179 52 31
363 You may now cross-hug the witness. 1.4350 0.04688 246 175 35 36
364 Let the record show that the witness loves Billy this much. 1.4350 0.04123 246 160 65 21
365 Is that dog in the courtroom now? 1.4350 0.04242 246 163 59 24
366 He's just toying with us, your honor 1.4350 0.04123 246 160 65 21
367 Can I please hold him in contempt? 1.4346 0.04017 237 150 71 16
368 and where do you plan to live, if your emancipation request is granted? 1.4344 0.04064 244 157 68 19
369 Well, you can sit there and throw your hands up, Mr. Bear, but it's already been established that you were in the bedroom that night and know everything that went on there. 1.4343 0.04104 251 164 65 22
370 I was in the dryer, so how could I have heard anything? 1.4343 0.04025 251 162 69 20
371 Request permission to pull the cord in his back. 1.4343 0.04065 251 163 67 21
372 But your honor, they put the squeeze on him! 1.4341 0.03910 258 165 74 19
373 The witness will not require a lunch break because he’s already stuffed. 1.4339 0.04045 242 155 69 18
374 So, you admit to being part of an undercover snuggling operation. 1.4337 0.04166 249 164 62 23
375 Your honor, this lone witness to the ballot tampering in the Pennsylvania post office proves voter fraud 1.4337 0.04429 249 171 48 30
376 Where were you on the night Timmy couldn't sleep? 1.4335 0.04241 233 152 61 20
377 Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what did you see? 1.4332 0.04344 247 167 53 27
378 So none of the cuddles were consensual? 1.4331 0.03952 254 163 72 19
379 But tufts of your fur were found on the blankie. 1.4331 0.03952 254 163 72 19
380 Your Honour, may we stand down? The Witness has just been fired by the Administration. 1.4328 0.04504 238 163 47 28
381 And where were you on the night of the Teddy Bears’ Picnic? 1.4321 0.04198 243 160 61 22
382 How long have you been sleeping with the plaintiff? 1.4320 0.03914 250 159 74 17
383 And then she ate up all of your porridge? 1.4317 0.04181 227 146 64 17
384 How much can a Teddy bear!? 1.4316 0.04270 234 154 59 21
385 Admit it. You've slept with him, too. 1.4315 0.04098 241 156 66 19
386 My client requests a three-month recess. He has to hibernate. 1.4315 0.04181 241 158 62 21
387 He'll swear on an an FAO Schwartz catalogue. 1.4315 0.04181 241 158 62 21
388 But I didn’t KNOW I was a nanny cam! 1.4310 0.04329 239 160 55 24
389 Where were you on the nighty-night of the 23rd? 1.4303 0.04225 244 162 59 23
390 She told me that she loved me this much. And then she put me into the trash. 1.4303 0.04140 251 166 62 23
391 Hands DOWN! Didn't I tell you that makes you look guilty? 1.4292 0.03890 240 151 75 14
392 The witness may approach the bench...for a cuddle. 1.4286 0.04694 238 169 36 33
393 We just need you to raise your right hand, sir. 1.4286 0.04174 238 156 62 20
394 So how many were there at this 'picnic' ? 1.4286 0.04217 238 157 60 21
395 Isn’t it true to say you’ve led a very plush life ? “ 1.4280 0.04112 236 153 65 18
396 And are you saying you've never heard of this 'Christopher Robin' until today? 1.4274 0.04046 234 150 68 16
397 Your honor, someone is committing perjury - how could it have been too big, too small, AND just right? 1.4273 0.04171 220 141 64 15
398 And how did you feel when Mom put you in the wash? 1.4273 0.04318 220 144 58 18
399 I’ve slept in so many beds, you’ll have to be more specific. 1.4267 0.04336 232 155 55 22
400 You say you left the restaurant early because you were stuffed? 1.4267 0.04160 232 151 63 18
401 Were you or were you not, cute and cuddly on the evening of October 8, 2020? 1.4267 0.04342 225 149 56 20
402 May I approach the stand and poke the bear, your honor? 1.4267 0.03960 225 146 64 15
403 You say you were snuggling with the defendant at the time of the incident? 1.4262 0.04010 237 152 69 16
404 I can see your lips moving, Your Honor. 1.4262 0.04311 237 159 55 23
405 And just where were you on the nighty-night of June 15th? 1.4261 0.04047 230 147 68 15
406 Don't be fooled, your Honor. Our "Teddy Boy" has been stealing Tooth Fairy money for years. 1.4261 0.04319 230 153 56 21
407 Bear: "Do you really think I stuffed MYSELF with cocaine?" 1.4255 0.04337 235 158 54 23
408 Your Honor, I would like to call the Velvetine Rabbit as a character witness. 1.4255 0.04210 235 155 60 20
409 The nanny cam footage shows you stealing the quarter left by the Tooth Fairy. Do you deny it? 1.4255 0.04337 235 158 54 23
410 Sir, you really want us to believe that you don't remember anything from December to March? Were you living in a cave? 1.4254 0.04345 228 152 55 21
411 Please keep your testimony to the bear facts. 1.4253 0.04397 221 147 54 20
412 Your Honor, let the record reflect I said “witness pampering. 1.4247 0.04232 219 142 61 16
413 Well, at least this isn’t a kangaroo court. 1.4242 0.04125 231 150 64 17
414 Your Honor, I request a continuance on the grounds that we've gone past naptime and the witness is exhausted. 1.4242 0.04125 231 150 64 17
415 And yet you went to bed with him willingly....EVERY NIGHT! Isn't that right 1.4242 0.04260 231 153 58 20
416 So it would be fair to say that Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, was he? 1.4242 0.04216 231 152 60 19
417 Your Honor, I think we have established that the witness has been sleeping with the defendant since birth 1.4240 0.04502 217 146 50 21
418 And how often does she make you sit on her lap? 1.4236 0.04241 229 151 59 19
419 If you hope to make it to that picnic, you better start talking. 1.4236 0.04103 229 148 65 16
420 He speaks for the Silent Majority. 1.4236 0.04196 229 150 61 18
421 This is not what I meant by 'bear witness.' 1.4233 0.04285 215 140 59 16
422 That big? I remind you, you're under oath. 1.4231 0.04306 234 157 55 22
423 I said: 'Raise your right hand.' 1.4229 0.04357 227 152 54 21
424 My client says that the honey jar was already empty when he entered the kitchen. 1.4229 0.04032 227 145 68 14
425 It's a teddy bear, Justice Barrett. 1.4225 0.04562 213 144 48 21
426 Isn't it true that Fuzzy Wuzzy WASN'T very fuzzy? Was he? 1.4224 0.04157 232 152 62 18
427 Counselor, overruled. This witness has a right to bear arms. 1.4224 0.04201 232 153 60 19
428 When you went down in the woods that day, were you or were you not in for a big surprise? 1.4222 0.04385 225 151 53 21
429 Thus, I conclude that this entire testimony is imaginary and should be discarded. 1.4218 0.04127 211 134 65 12
430 Did you or did you not push Barbie off the shelf? 1.4217 0.04316 230 154 55 21
431 He doesn't look like a hostile witness 1.4217 0.04136 230 150 63 17
432 The defense rests, but can’t sleep without her teddy bear. 1.4217 0.04227 230 152 59 19
433 Isn't it true that your relationship with the defendant changed after you were thrown into the washing machine? 1.4215 0.04225 223 146 60 17
434 Allow us to understand. Your alibi is that a toy cowboy, astronaut, and dinosaur somehow came to life and committed the crime? Seriously? 1.4215 0.04273 223 147 58 18
435 And you just sat there and watched it all happen? 1.4215 0.04273 223 147 58 18
436 Let it be noted, your Honor, that the witness wishes to be addressed as Theodore, not Teddy. 1.4215 0.04273 223 147 58 18
437 Your Honor, I assert that the witness could not have positively identified the fleeing trespasser as Goldilocks, because his button eyes- while admittedly cute - are merely decorative. 1.4213 0.04467 216 145 51 20
438 Your honor, this witness slept with one of the jurors... 1.4211 0.04180 209 136 59 14
439 Can you tell me exactly how much porridge the defendant ate? 1.4211 0.04066 228 147 66 15
440 You may not like the material of the witness, but it is a material witness nonetheless. Counsel may proceed. 1.4208 0.04251 221 145 59 17
441 Now, when you say you two slept together, could you be more specific for the jury? 1.4208 0.04251 221 145 59 17
442 .....And is the person you saw asleep in your bed in the court room today? 1.4206 0.04007 233 150 68 15
443 The defense would like to take a ten minute nap with the witness. 1.4206 0.04245 214 139 60 15
444 Bear with me, Your Honor. 1.4204 0.04369 226 152 53 21
445 If the chair doesn't fit, you must acquit. 1.4204 0.04546 226 156 45 25
446 Besides the gold locks — how else would you describe the intruder ? 1.4196 0.04210 224 147 60 17
447 The state asks that the defendant be held in contempt and cuddled. 1.4194 0.04774 217 153 37 27
448 '"In my client's defense, Your Honor: ' Toys Will Be Toys.' " 1.4190 0.04352 210 138 56 16
449 Mr. Bear, Isn't it true that you sleep with underage children? 1.4189 0.04378 222 149 53 20
450 And when did the accused first put you through the laundry? 1.4186 0.04281 215 141 58 16
451 And exactly how long were you and the victim sleeping together? 1.4182 0.04262 220 145 58 17
452 And Teddy is not even his real name your Honor. 1.4182 0.04213 220 144 60 16
453 Isn't it true you were sleeping with the plaintiff on the night in question? 1.4178 0.04097 213 136 65 12
454 OK Mr. Ted Paddington Berenstein of Vermont, if that is your real name. 1.4178 0.04256 213 139 59 15
455 And what did the defendant do after threatening to "beat the stuffin' out of you"? 1.4174 0.04189 218 142 61 15
456 You sir are a bear-faced liar. 1.4174 0.04338 218 145 55 18
457 The doll already confessed, make this easier on yourself 1.4171 0.04336 211 139 56 16
458 So you’re sticking with your alibi that you were picnicking in the woods. 1.4167 0.04163 216 140 62 14
459 Were you or were you not a partner of Stearns in 2008? 1.4167 0.04558 216 148 46 22
460 What about the rumors that you slept with the perpetrator? 1.4159 0.04292 214 141 57 16
461 Objection, bearsay 1.4159 0.04292 214 141 57 16
462 Eplain how you arrived from darkest Peru with only a letter and no passport. 1.4155 0.04322 219 146 55 18
463 And when did you last see the rubber duckie? 1.4155 0.04445 207 138 52 17
464 Let the record show that Teddy wasn't anywhere near that picnic. 1.4155 0.04498 207 139 50 18
465 Your honor, I move that we break for a nap. 1.4147 0.04300 217 144 56 17
466 Please just stick to the bear facts. 1.4147 0.04634 217 151 42 24
467 Your Honor, permission to treat the defendant as adorable? 1.4146 0.04312 205 134 57 14
468 Your honor, my client has seen many things that he can't unsee. 1.4143 0.04160 210 138 58 14
469 How many years have you been serving the President? 1.4143 0.04700 210 146 41 23
470 Please describe where the defendant tickled you. 1.4138 0.04613 203 138 46 19
471 Don’t let his soft and cuddly looks fool you, your honor 1.4138 0.04340 203 133 56 14
472 Yes, I suppose it is impressive you’re a doctor, but you still need to wear pants in court.. 1.4135 0.04376 208 138 54 16
473 His lips appear to be sealed. 1.4131 0.04406 213 143 52 18
474 Your Honor, as my next witness I'd like to call the child's blanket. 1.4131 0.04355 213 142 54 17
475 Let the record reflect that the witness has been sleeping with the defendant. 1.4129 0.04591 201 136 47 18
476 And the nanny-cam was inserted where? 1.4128 0.04430 218 148 50 20
477 You know that's a bear-faced LIE! 1.4126 0.04323 206 138 52 16
478 Of course I could use a hug. 1.4123 0.04730 211 148 39 24
479 When were you last in bed with the suspect? 1.4123 0.04172 211 137 61 13
480 Let the record show that, in fact, fuzzy wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he. 1.4123 0.04535 211 144 47 20
481 Permission to treat the witness as warm and snuggly? 1.4123 0.04485 211 143 49 19
482 Permission to press the witness for a response. 1.4118 0.04541 204 138 48 18
483 No last name, just Teddy. 1.4118 0.04267 204 133 58 13
484 Where did the child touch you? 1.4115 0.04566 209 143 46 20
485 So you are saying that instead of your Miranda Rights they read you Goodnight Moon? 1.4115 0.04515 209 142 48 19
486 This witness has been seen cozying up to the defendant on multiple occasions. 1.4106 0.04054 207 132 65 10
487 If it pleases the Court, Your Honor, I'd like to give the witness a hug. 1.4106 0.04493 207 140 49 18
488 Permission to sleep with the witness, your honor. 1.4100 0.04712 200 138 42 20
489 Did you or did you not sleep with the defendant? 1.4098 0.04471 205 138 50 17
490 May the record reflect the witness is hostile, albeit cuddly and cute. 1.4098 0.04251 205 134 58 13
491 So, your testimony is that EVERY bear that ever there was had gathered there for certain because “that’s the way the teddy bears have their picnic?” 1.4095 0.04395 210 141 52 17
492 Are you now or have you ever been part of the Hundred Acre Woods crew? 1.4091 0.04525 198 133 49 16
493 When did you stop sleeping with the defendant? 1.4091 0.04637 198 135 45 18
494 I can prove it, but I must be allowed to turn off the lights and have us all pretend to be asleep. 1.4091 0.04525 198 133 49 16
495 The oath is over; you can put your hands down. 1.4091 0.04468 198 132 51 15
496 Let me remind you counsel not to badger the bear. 1.4089 0.04221 203 132 59 12
497 So you lost custody of your child because his parents said he was too old for you? 1.4089 0.04104 203 130 63 10
498 The defendant claims the right to remain silent 1.4089 0.04163 203 131 61 11
499 Request permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.4087 0.04579 208 143 45 20
500 My client has the right to remain silent. 1.4087 0.04528 208 142 47 19
501 How do you answer to the charge of providing comfort to the enemy? 1.4087 0.04153 208 135 61 12
502 So you’re telling me Fuzzy Wuzzy WAS a bear? 1.4084 0.04459 191 126 52 13
503 Before you pass sentence, your Honor, my client wishes to know if you'd like some cuddle time. 1.4082 0.04440 196 130 52 14
504 So when Goldilocks said your brother’s bed was ‘just right’ you felt disrespected? 1.4080 0.04129 201 129 62 10
505 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to answer my question of whether he was, or was not, at Pooh Corner on the night Mr. Robin went missing. 1.4080 0.04248 201 131 58 12
506 Did you or did you not tell the other teddy bears that you were the favorite? 1.4080 0.04640 201 138 44 19
507 I understand you are very close to the defendant. 1.4078 0.04291 206 136 56 14
508 I move that an hour is more than enough time to wait for a response. 1.4070 0.04335 199 131 55 13
509 Your honor, the witness has been sleeping with the defendant for years. 1.4069 0.04262 204 134 57 13
510 Your honor, this witness worked under covers! 1.4069 0.04537 204 139 47 18
511 I'm establishing that my client is affectionate with everybody. 1.4069 0.04590 204 140 45 19
512 Where were you the morning Flufferbunny was found on the sidewalk with a "Free!" sign around her neck? 1.4065 0.04580 214 149 43 22
513 You'll be hibernating a long time where you're going. 1.4062 0.04851 192 134 38 20
514 ... and for how long have you been cute and cuddly? 1.4061 0.04595 197 134 46 17
515 And what did you see at beddy bye on the nighty night in question? 1.4061 0.04538 197 133 48 16
516 Did you or did not make the clothing softer? 1.4059 0.04568 202 138 46 18
517 Permission to approach the witness and snuggle. 1.4059 0.04403 202 135 52 15
518 My client’s lips are sealed. 1.4059 0.04513 202 137 48 17
519 How can you be so sure it was "just right"? You weren't even in the cottage. 1.4053 0.04654 190 129 45 16
520 Your Honor, I request permission to treat this witness as cute and cuddly. 1.4053 0.04533 190 127 49 14
521 Your Honor. Please compel the witness to answer. Did he shit in the woods or not? 1.4051 0.04684 195 134 43 18
522 Mr. Pooh. Can you explain how your prints wound up on the hunny jar? 1.4050 0.04432 200 134 51 15
523 Let’s keep it to the bear facts, shall we? 1.4049 0.04357 205 137 53 15
524 I submit, Mr. Bear, that you were NOT in hibernation on the date in question! 1.4043 0.04565 188 126 48 14
525 Counselor,after each question you pull the cord on the back. 1.4040 0.04287 198 130 56 12
526 Your honor, we have just one question for the witness: Where is the blanky? 1.4040 0.04405 198 132 52 14
527 He wants to know if the court will recess for winter. 1.4040 0.04463 198 133 50 15
528 Show the court where they touched you. 1.4038 0.04574 208 144 44 20
529 My client offers no disrespect to the court, but maintains that she is honor-bound not to reveal where in the woods the picnic occurred. 1.4031 0.04810 191 133 39 19
530 So what you would have us believe is that the beloved family dog is actually a psychopathic murderer? 1.4031 0.04775 196 137 39 20
531 Your honor, I respect that he's your comfort animal, but we need the chair for witnesses. 1.4030 0.04635 201 139 43 19
532 He's testifying. You just have no imagination. 1.4030 0.04741 201 141 39 21
533 Frankly your honor, who the defendant sleeps with has little to do with this case 1.4030 0.04301 201 133 55 13
534 Your Honor should note that the witness is indicating ‘Sooo big!’ 1.4022 0.04632 184 124 46 14
535 ...and then he just THREW me out of the pram, your honour. 1.4022 0.04368 184 120 54 10
536 The prosecution rests--preferably with the witness. 1.4021 0.04357 189 124 54 11
537 Teddy, would you say he confided more in you or in his blanky? 1.4021 0.04357 189 124 54 11
538 Just answer the question... Does a bear shit in the woods. 1.4021 0.04787 189 131 40 18
539 I maintain you have no right to American jurisprudence because your tag says “Made in China.” 1.4021 0.04641 194 133 44 17
540 Give me a moment, your honor, I'm trying to Build-A-Case. 1.4011 0.04731 182 124 43 15
541 Overruled. The witness may squeak. 1.4011 0.04386 187 123 53 11
542 Don't get cute with me, Mr. 1.4010 0.04435 192 128 51 13
543 Yes, it’s abuse! She goes from hugging me till I can’t breathe to bashing my head on the table in seconds! 1.4010 0.04615 192 131 45 16
544 And you say you were never at said picnic 1.4010 0.04789 192 134 39 19
545 So, Theodore, is it? Please point to the person you witnessed stealing the covers. 1.4010 0.04532 197 134 47 16
546 Bear with me, Your Honor, this witness has done a lot of undercover work. 1.4010 0.04475 197 133 49 15
547 And after he threatened to beat the stuffing out of you...? 1.4000 0.04465 190 127 50 13
548 And is it your testimony that you were the victim of a Honey Trap? 1.4000 0.04548 185 124 48 13
549 And what did the president tell you late at night? 1.4000 0.04675 185 126 44 15
550 You say the whole porridge thing is being overblown? 1.4000 0.04483 185 123 50 12
551 Is it true, sir, that you failed to provide comfort and companionship to the plaintiff, otherwise known as Billy? 1.4000 0.04548 185 124 48 13
552 And who's been sitting in your chair? 1.4000 0.04506 195 132 48 15
553 So you're suing her boyfriend for alienation of affection? 1.3990 0.04340 198 132 53 13
554 Did you really think it was just a picnic? 1.3990 0.04769 193 135 39 19
555 Can the defendant, please explain, why he went over the mountain, and what did he expect to see? 1.3990 0.04655 193 133 43 17
556 Your Honor, bear with me. 1.3989 0.04682 188 129 43 16
557 Piglet took the Fifth, but I'm betting Tigger will talk. 1.3989 0.04621 188 128 45 15
558 Does the court have any interpreters under the age of 7? 1.3989 0.04621 188 128 45 15
559 And you want the court to believe that you could identify my client across a large field on a dark night with nothing but buttons for eyes? 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
560 Is it your testimony that you allowed the snuggling to occur? 1.3989 0.04496 188 126 49 13
561 What makes you think she was just toying with you? 1.3989 0.04496 188 126 49 13
562 You’re a bear-faced liar, Teddy, aren’t you? 1.3989 0.04743 188 130 41 17
563 Your Honor, I submit that NOT every bear that ever there was attended the picnic that day. Isn't that true, Teddy? 1.3989 0.04496 188 126 49 13
564 Can you show us where he touched you? 1.3980 0.04429 196 132 50 14
565 Can you imagine how adorable he'll look in a little orange jumpsuit? 1.3979 0.04569 191 130 46 15
566 So, you and the small pig never actually saw this Heffalump? 1.3979 0.04747 191 133 40 18
567 Don't toy with me! 1.3979 0.04569 191 130 46 15
568 I kept telling Mr. Trump no means no, but he didn’t stop. 1.3979 0.04629 191 131 44 16
569 My lips are sealed. 1.3968 0.04540 189 128 47 14
570 So is it your testimony that the porridge was neither too hot nor too cold? 1.3968 0.04083 189 121 61 7
571 Your honor, permission to treat this witness as textile? 1.3968 0.04478 189 127 49 13
572 What do you mean you don't know who ate the porridge? 1.3968 0.04602 189 129 45 15
573 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you, God, are you cute... 1.3966 0.04781 179 123 41 15
574 I told you to find someone to bear witness, not to get a "bear" witness. 1.3966 0.04648 179 121 45 13
575 Can the defense explain to me, how Mr. Eric Trump will use his ‘teddy’ as a character witness? 1.3966 0.04614 179 123 42 14
576 Does that mean you don't know, or do you just need a hug? Remember, you're under oath. 1.3957 0.04380 187 124 52 11
577 Your honor, my client will not be able to sleep without a blanket search warrant as well. 1.3956 0.04527 182 122 48 12
578 Permission to toy with the witness. 1.3947 0.04521 190 129 47 14
579 The witness claims to have been tucked up in bed with the accused at the time of the murder. 1.3947 0.04396 190 127 51 12
580 Sir, you only need to raise your right hand. 1.3946 0.04541 185 125 47 13
581 The defense calls Christopher Robin, your honor! 1.3944 0.04627 180 122 45 13
582 That was when she put me in the box in the attic... The day after she received a smart phone. 1.3944 0.04760 180 124 41 15
583 And you say you were with the defendant for the entire night? 1.3944 0.04560 180 121 47 12
584 Of course I'm coddling the witness... 1.3943 0.04577 175 117 47 11
585 Your Honor, the Defense asks that you allow Dr. Bear's testimony as an expert witness on early bonding... 1.3936 0.04676 188 130 42 16
586 After Susie chose Bunny and Baby Bear to sleep with, did you not fly into a jealous rage and try and bite all of them? 1.3936 0.04615 188 129 44 15
587 Hibernation is not an alibi. 1.3934 0.04639 183 125 44 14
588 I was framed! It wasn't me! It was Paddington! 1.3934 0.04574 183 124 46 13
589 The trump campaign rests your honor 1.3934 0.05012 183 131 32 20
590 If it pleases the court, I'd like a few moments to snuggle with my client. 1.3933 0.04524 178 119 48 11
591 So Mr Corduroy, you say it all started after losing a button? 1.3933 0.04729 178 122 42 14
592 Show us again how big your human was when he stopped playing with you. 1.3931 0.04310 173 112 54 7
593 My client has an alibi, Your Honor. That was the day of the picnic. 1.3927 0.04563 191 131 45 15
594 So you and Puff were the last ones to see little Jackie Paper alive then,right? 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
595 Testimonies of trumpy bears are no longer admissible 1.3925 0.04585 186 127 45 14
596 When pressed, he'll confess to everything. 1.3913 0.04554 184 125 46 13
597 To be clear, you’re saying you slept with the defendant for several years yet were never intimate with her? 1.3913 0.06550 92 63 22 7
598 Tell the court everything that happened at the picnic. 1.3913 0.04354 184 122 52 10
599 I move for a brief recess, your honor, as my client indicates he overdid lunch and is currently stuffed. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
600 The witness has the right to remain silent. 1.3911 0.04641 179 122 44 13
601 Your Honour, my client requests an extended hibernation. 1.3911 0.04641 179 122 44 13
602 You think I'm hostile now, wait 'til you see me tonight. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
603 What really goes on in the woods? It’s not just a picnic- is it?! 1.3911 0.04573 179 121 46 12
604 Until this very minute, my plan had been to badger the witness... 1.3908 0.04871 174 121 38 15
605 Your honor I object to this witness. This trial is about the second amendment, not a right to bear arms. 1.3905 0.04973 169 118 36 15
606 The White House claims this is their best witness. 1.3905 0.05181 169 121 30 18
607 You’re asking a soft witness some very hard questions. 1.3905 0.04902 169 117 38 14
608 So you registered to vote under the name Theodore Bear? 1.3905 0.04756 169 115 42 12
609 Teddy" is an alias 1.3901 0.04717 182 126 41 15
610 Teddy is an unreliable witness, he's sleeping with the accused. 1.3901 0.04520 182 123 47 12
611 And where were you when your porridge was stolen? 1.3901 0.04587 182 124 45 13
612 The defendant asks for recess. 1.3901 0.05208 141 96 35 10
613 So, is it true you're stuffed with shredded ballots? 1.3898 0.04811 177 123 39 15
614 No, I did not consent to cuddling 1.3898 0.04319 177 116 53 8
615 So at what age did they start neglecting you? 1.3898 0.04319 177 116 53 8
616 Objection, your Honor, this witness’ memory is clearly fuzzy. 1.3898 0.04536 177 119 47 11
617 The last thing I remember I was falling out of the stroller. 1.3895 0.04475 172 114 49 9
618 You are accused of committing security fraud. 1.3895 0.04840 172 119 39 14
619 And did you know the plantiff was only 3 when you went "night night" with her? 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
620 Only raise your right hand to swear in. 1.3882 0.04734 170 116 42 12
621 You were forced to sleep with the defendant against your will? 1.3876 0.04920 178 126 35 17
622 And when I pull your string again will I hear a different story? 1.3876 0.04722 178 123 41 14
623 Your honor, I would like permission to treat the witness as adorably hostile. 1.3876 0.04445 178 119 49 10
624 Your honor, I know he is a teddy bear but he was the only character witness we could find for Mr. Trump. 1.3876 0.04756 178 126 36 16
625 Your Honor, I’ll have to recuse myself. I used to share my bed with this witness. 1.3876 0.04654 178 122 43 13
626 And the officer said ‘arms behind your head!’, but I don’t have elbows! 1.3873 0.04379 173 114 51 8
627 You're saying you were only sleeping with the woman who robbed the bank? 1.3869 0.04695 168 114 43 11
628 Teddy, tell the court which child you would prefer to live with. 1.3869 0.04771 168 115 41 12
629 Do you have any other witnesses to prove voter fraud? 1.3869 0.04918 168 117 37 14
630 I object your honor. My client being a bear has no bearing on his ability to bear witness. 1.3869 0.04381 168 110 51 7
631 And which bowl of porridge was yours, the one that was too hot, too cold or just right? 1.3864 0.04477 176 118 48 10
632 So it turns out that fluffy wuffy wasn’t fluffy was he? 1.3864 0.04758 176 122 40 14
633 You were asked to bear witness, not have a bear witness! 1.3864 0.05024 176 126 32 18
634 But Your Honor, this *is* my first material witness." 1.3860 0.04638 171 116 44 11
635 She was smothering me all day everyday 1.3860 0.04926 171 120 36 15
636 Your Honor, I'll answer: Does a bear sit in a courtroom? 1.3860 0.04711 171 117 42 12
637 Your honor, I believe there is evidence of witness pampering on the part of the defendant. 1.3859 0.04801 184 130 37 17
638 Mr Bear,please describe for the court exactly what you witnessed at the Pennsylvania voting centre on the night of the 3rd of November? 1.3859 0.04801 184 130 37 17
639 And that's when my client had the stuffing beaten out of him. 1.3855 0.04808 166 114 40 12
640 Is it not true that you blatantly claimed that you would be as effective as a security blanket, yet you have no formal security experience? 1.3855 0.04633 179 123 43 13
641 Miss Goldilocks is lying. I wasn’t even at home when the porridge disappeared. 1.3855 0.04701 179 124 41 14
642 In your expert legal opinion does Goldilocks’s signature match the ballot in question? 1.3855 0.04633 179 123 43 13
643 Your Honor, while the witness may appear to be merely a chubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff, I assure you the testimony he is about to give is neither willy, nilly, nor silly. 1.3851 0.04725 174 120 41 13
644 And please indicate for the record where the defendant squeezed you. 1.3851 0.04725 174 120 41 13
645 Your honor, I'd like to request an hour recess for nap time. 1.3851 0.04582 174 118 45 11
646 And is Goldilocks, the girl who ate your porridge, in the courtroom today? 1.3851 0.04654 174 119 43 12
647 Just how big was this blond girl? 1.3850 0.04804 187 133 36 18
648 He's doing it again, look! He wants to hug me, and without a mask! 1.3846 0.04673 169 115 43 11
649 He's guilty of a fray but this is clearly a stitch-up 1.3846 0.04748 169 116 41 12
650 Do you mean to tell me you're just going to sit there and say nothing? 1.3846 0.04748 169 116 41 12
651 This witness is full of fabrications. 1.3846 0.04894 169 118 37 14
652 Your Honor, I intend to show that this Bear really didn't Care. 1.3846 0.04673 169 115 43 11
653 ...and you were expected to carry ALL of her emotional baggage because she hugged you? 1.3846 0.04673 169 115 43 11
654 If it please the court, permission to treat as machine washable? 1.3838 0.04527 185 127 45 13
655 Justice Goldilocks, something about this witness just isn’t right... 1.3837 0.04902 172 121 36 15
656 OK, I confess! I WAS thinking of saying 'I can't bear it anymore!' 1.3832 0.04860 167 116 38 13
657 Are you saying his vote doesn't matter? 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
658 Judge,it looks like my witness needs a hug. 1.3832 0.04632 167 113 44 10
659 So how do you explain being found in the plaintiff's bed? 1.3832 0.04309 167 109 52 6
660 I'll ask you again.Is it true that you moonlight as a nanny cam? 1.3832 0.04553 167 112 46 9
661 You have to pull the string to get testimony 1.3832 0.04860 167 116 38 13
662 Your honor, just throwing your arms up is not an answer to my question." 1.3829 0.04703 175 121 41 13
663 My client is requesting a recess. 1.3824 0.04537 170 117 42 11
664 Did you, or did you not, have your paw in the honey when the officers found you? 1.3824 0.04576 170 115 45 10
665 Is it fair to describe your relationship to the defendant as intimate? 1.3824 0.04576 170 115 45 10
666 So, you had your paw in the honey jar all along, didn't you? 1.3824 0.04941 170 120 35 15
667 And no Pooh-poohing. I expect a straight answer! 1.3824 0.04576 170 115 45 10
668 Your Honor, my client seeks redress from Defendant who, in an afternoon trespass, consumed his porridge, broke his chair and appropriated his bed. 1.3824 0.04499 170 114 47 9
669 Person. Woman. Bear. Camera. TV. 1.3824 0.05011 170 121 33 16
670 Your Honour, this might be an appropriate time to adjourn for a picnic. 1.3824 0.04651 170 116 43 11
671 Did you, or did you not, consume 300,000 ballots? 1.3819 0.05215 144 100 33 11
672 Well, I can't make him talk. Perhaps my granddaughter could persuade him 1.3818 0.04746 165 113 41 11
673 Permission to treat witness as cuddly, your Honor? 1.3818 0.04667 165 112 43 10
674 It was Goldilocks 1.3818 0.04746 165 113 41 11
675 You only have to raise your right hand... 1.3818 0.04899 165 115 37 13
676 She stole our porridge, your honor. 1.3818 0.04667 165 112 43 10
677 Well, was he?? . . . Your honor, please instruct Fuzzy Wuzzy to answer the question. 1.3813 0.04681 160 108 43 9
678 Can you point out the person in the courtroom that drooled all over your face? 1.3810 0.04762 168 116 40 12
679 Now show us, how big was the dog that chased you? 1.3810 0.04762 168 116 40 12
680 Yes! He is smarter than the average politician 1.3810 0.04909 168 118 36 14
681 I can't rest my case without him 1.3810 0.04532 168 113 46 9
682 I believe it’s relevant, your honor, to know just how long the witness has been sleeping with the defendant. 1.3810 0.04610 168 114 44 10
683 You've been accused of sleeping with my client 1.3810 0.04762 168 116 40 12
684 Move to strike, your honor. My client clearly doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. 1.3810 0.04686 168 115 42 11
685 Would your honor please direct the witness that the 2nd amendment is not about his arms. 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
686 My client feels that he was misled by the Witness Protection Program. 1.3804 0.04862 163 113 38 12
687 And is ‘transitional object’ your sole occupation? 1.3804 0.04783 163 112 40 11
688 May I remind you, Mr. Pooh, that you are under oath. Would you please tell the Court how you obtained your lucky rabbit’s foot? 1.3804 0.04939 163 114 36 13
689 Childhood abandonment. That's what this case is about. 1.3795 0.04723 166 114 41 11
690 Nope, raise just your right hand. 1.3795 0.04949 166 117 35 14
691 I did not have cuddling relations with that woman. 1.3795 0.04949 166 117 35 14
692 Can you point to the part of your body where the president touched you. 1.3795 0.05236 166 121 27 18
693 How could you have seen my client? Those are buttons, not eyes. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
694 She's not accused of battery I said she needs batteries. 1.3789 0.04574 161 108 45 8
695 Your Honor, we established the witness is an expert on the right to bear arms. 1.3789 0.05209 161 116 29 16
696 And you had no idea what you were stuffed with?" That seems unlikely. 1.3789 0.04740 161 110 41 10
697 The defendant will be charged with battery. 1.3789 0.04902 161 112 37 12
698 I ask for a recess. The witness has a boo-boo. 1.3787 0.04511 169 114 46 9
699 The witness will answer "where exactly did Susie touch you?" 1.3782 0.05010 156 109 35 12
700 So, Mr. Teddy, you’re saying that Timmy’s willing to testify that you were in bed with him the entire night in question? 1.3782 0.04394 156 102 49 5
701 Admit it! You tried to go Pooh in the unisex bathroom. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
702 Your honor, the witness asks for A short break. He’s due at a nap. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
703 Are you toying with the Court? 1.3780 0.05064 164 117 32 15
704 Show the court on yourself where the accused touched you. 1.3779 0.04607 172 118 43 11
705 And where did this alleged “picnic” take place? 1.3774 0.04342 159 104 50 5
706 Did you or did you not engage in insider trading at Bear Stearns? 1.3774 0.04694 159 108 42 9
707 Do you ‘bear’ to tell the truth?” [NOTE FOR EDITORS: I believe this is the type of simple, comforting humour that will thrive in the event of a Biden election victory. If Trump wins please use the alternative caption “FUCK SHIT PISS FUCK FUCK” 1.3772 0.05346 167 124 23 20
708 Your Honor, the defendant once shared my bed. 1.3772 0.04700 167 115 41 11
709 Do you agree with defendant's claim that he won you at a carnival? 1.3765 0.04716 170 118 40 12
710 I swear, I’ve never even been in those woods. 1.3765 0.04642 170 117 42 11
711 Officer Theodore, the rest of the vice squad claims you have gone soft. What is your defense? 1.3758 0.04901 157 109 37 11
712 I move we take a brief recess followed by a sippy cup with warm milk and a nap. 1.3758 0.04817 157 108 39 10
713 Your Honor,will you please direct Mr. Cuddles to answer the question? 1.3758 0.04984 157 110 35 12
714 Do you go by Teddy, or Theodore? 1.3758 0.04817 157 108 39 10
715 He's not talking, your Honor. 1.3758 0.04736 165 114 40 11
716 Didn't you say something about bear witness? 1.3750 0.05400 112 75 32 5
717 I swear, I don't even like porridge. It was Goldilocks, I tell you. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
718 Your Honor, I can prove my client was at a picnic in the woods. For every bear that ever there was, was gathered there for certain, because... do I need to sing the whole song? 1.3750 0.04673 176 123 40 13
719 Your honor, in my client's defense, a red light and a green light look exactly the same. 1.3750 0.04836 160 111 38 11
720 So you admit, you inflated the numbers to sell more fabric softener? 1.3750 0.04827 168 118 37 13
721 Okay, okay I’ll admit it! He paid me $5 to sit in for his remote learning sessions. 1.3750 0.04754 160 110 40 10
722 Judge my client has requested a break from the proceedings. About 5 months long and preferably underground. 1.3743 0.04978 171 123 32 16
723 Whose bed were in when the incident occurred? 1.3743 0.04620 171 118 42 11
724 And isn’t it in your very nature to bear false witness? 1.3742 0.04529 163 110 45 8
725 May I remind you that is is against the law to bear false witness. 1.3742 0.05081 163 117 31 15
726 Regardless of social convention, Your Honor, my client asserts that being repeatedly thrown down the stairs, is entirely unacceptable. 1.3742 0.04694 163 112 41 10
727 So your honor, it was not an attack- just a 'bear hug'. 1.3742 0.04852 163 114 37 12
728 Let the record show that the witness is fluffy. 1.3742 0.04942 155 108 36 11
729 Your honor, this testimony sounds like a lot of fluff. 1.3742 0.04856 155 107 38 10
730 So is it your contention that the defendant ended your carnival career when he selected you as his prize? 1.3735 0.04713 166 115 40 11
731 Do you see the organizers of this picnic in the courtroom? 1.3735 0.04556 166 113 44 9
732 So you're saying you were home in bed at the time of the incident, is that right 1.3735 0.04713 166 115 40 11
733 I need to ask you one more time, "who's bed was she sleeping in?' 1.3734 0.04958 158 111 35 12
734 Counselor, have you had a prior relationship with the witness? 1.3734 0.04958 158 111 35 12
735 It was clearly self defense; the victim ate his porridge. 1.3734 0.04792 158 109 39 10
736 So, you and the accused go way back? 1.3734 0.04876 158 110 37 11
737 It was self defense. He put me in that twilly whilly machine you call a washer, so yeah I whacked him. What of it” 1.3734 0.05118 158 113 31 14
738 I can indeed bear witness to the grizzly crime committed by the monsters lurking under little Jimmy’s bed... 1.3734 0.04876 158 110 37 11
739 Objection sustained. You may not ask the witness whom he’s sleeping with. 1.3728 0.04730 169 118 39 12
740 Objection—cuddling the witness 1.3727 0.04345 161 109 45 7
741 Your honor, Bear in mind, the tooth fairy is also guilty as she took the money 1.3727 0.04812 161 112 38 11
742 Did Little Jake, in fact, go to sleep past his bedtime? 1.3725 0.04718 153 104 41 8
743 Whilst my client accepts that he has slept with a number of minors... 1.3725 0.05069 153 108 33 12
744 And can you tell the court how long your arms were before the attack? 1.3720 0.04828 164 115 37 12
745 The plaintiff's family was separated at the border. 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
746 Your honor, the victim was bound, gagged and left on the spin cycle for over half an hour. 1.3718 0.04657 156 106 42 8
747 Will the witness please just answer the question: How much porridge was in your bowl? 1.3718 0.04745 156 107 40 9
748 And who else was at the picnic with you? 1.3718 0.04745 156 107 40 9
749 This witness is testifying in favor of the right to bear arms 1.3718 0.04916 156 109 36 11
750 Yes, occasionally we do shit in the woods. 1.3716 0.05099 148 104 33 11
751 He's had his hands up since the arrest.” 1.3713 0.05060 167 121 30 16
752 I assumed he was washable 1.3711 0.04510 159 107 45 7
753 We don't know what he's doing here. He said he had the right to remain silent. 1.3711 0.04768 159 110 39 10
754 So, you’re saying that you can corroborate the defendant’s alibi that he was with you all night on the night in question? 1.3709 0.05027 151 106 34 11
755 Giving a Teddy Talk doesn't make you an expert witness! 1.3694 0.04633 157 107 42 8
756 Your Honor, this witness is full of nothing but fluff. 1.3694 0.04633 157 107 42 8
757 Please explain to the witness that a cross-examination does not mean anyone is upset with him. 1.3694 0.04544 157 106 44 7
758 Your Honor, can I proceed with my bedtime story? 1.3691 0.04888 149 103 37 9
759 Mr. Pooh. What is your relationship to Mr. Robin? 1.3691 0.04699 149 101 41 7
760 Your honor, we have proof the witness voted in Pennsylvania. 1.3691 0.04980 149 104 35 10
761 “Your Honor, the witness claims that Goldilocks ate his porridge, broke his favorite chair, and slept in his bed without repaying him for services rendered." " 1.3691 0.05332 149 108 27 14
762 Sorry, I just don’t remember much from my FAO Schwartz days. 1.3691 0.04502 149 99 45 5
763 Permission to treat the witness as inanimate, your honor? 1.3684 0.04822 152 105 38 9
764 Does anyone know when the witness will return from recess? 1.3684 0.05171 152 109 30 13
765 Point out who doesn't love you. 1.3684 0.04731 152 104 40 8
766 Please advise the witness to be less cuddly. 1.3684 0.04731 152 104 40 8
767 And then what did she say in her sleep? 1.3681 0.04996 163 117 32 14
768 Let the record show that no one actually saw a little girl with silver hair eat porridge or break a chair on the day in question. 1.3677 0.04669 155 106 41 8
769 They set the cycle to spin, SPIN! 1.3677 0.04669 155 106 41 8
770 Let the record reflect the witness is holding his hands apart as far as he possibly can in answer to the question of how big of a lie the defendant is telling. 1.3677 0.04669 155 111 33 11
771 I understand the court requires a more complete name than "Teddy." 1.3677 0.04845 155 108 37 10
772 Your Honor, the witness would like to tell everyone to get stuffed. 1.3677 0.05015 155 110 33 12
773 Your Honor, I can't interview this witness. His lips are stitched shut. 1.3677 0.04931 155 109 35 11
774 You are charged with sleeping with an under-age minor. 1.3677 0.05015 155 110 33 12
775 Any mention of "bear false winess" will be considered a felony. 1.3677 0.04579 155 105 43 7
776 That’s preposterous your honor. Everyone knows that a Build-A-Witness would be wearing a cute little shirt and tie. 1.3677 0.04845 155 108 37 10
777 He does have the right to remain silent. 1.3677 0.04669 155 106 41 8
778 You’ll have to pull some strings here if you want me to talk. 1.3677 0.04931 155 109 35 11
779 Your honor, I had requested a sideBAR. 1.3677 0.05098 155 111 31 13
780 So tell me, where did the detective touch you. 1.3673 0.05206 147 105 30 12
781 Your honor, there’s a fine line between cuddle and smother. 1.3673 0.04835 147 101 38 8
782 I was abused by Mr. Trump when he realized no one really like him. 1.3671 0.05186 158 115 28 15
783 Cat got your tongue ? 1.3671 0.04947 158 112 34 12
784 Teddy, are you are here to bear witness? 1.3671 0.04610 158 108 42 8
785 Are you willing to take a DNA test to establish paternity of Barbie's baby? 1.3667 0.04953 150 105 35 10
786 What do mean, "it was this big" ? Use your words. 1.3667 0.04578 150 101 43 6
787 Your Honor, would you tell the witness to be more precise in estimating the size of the bowl of cold porridge? 1.3667 0.04769 150 103 39 8
788 You slept with how many? 1.3667 0.04862 150 104 37 9
789 Yes, I slept with him, for years, but it was always consensual . 1.3667 0.04862 150 104 37 9
790 This is not the Teddy I called to bear witness... 1.3667 0.05043 150 106 33 11
791 In fact, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t a bear, was he? 1.3667 0.05550 150 112 21 17
792 Your Honor, it is clear this witness provides no emotional support. Move to dismiss. 1.3667 0.04862 150 104 37 9
793 Now I've heard of padding the numbers but stuffing the witness is new to me... 1.3667 0.04862 150 104 37 9
794 I went to law school for this? 1.3667 0.04862 150 104 37 9
795 Counselor perhaps you should press his tummy to get him to respond. 1.3662 0.05045 142 99 34 9
796 I know this is hard, but would you tell the jury how long you were tied to the front of the truck? 1.3660 0.04973 153 108 34 11
797 Did you or did you not fall off the bed when you were needed most? 1.3655 0.04875 145 100 37 8
798 So let me get this straight . .. you expect the jury to believe that there is another bear out there identical in size, shape, AND color? And that that is not you on the security camera footage?? 1.3655 0.05068 145 102 33 10
799 And is the man who threatened to beat the stuffing out of you here today? 1.3655 0.04675 145 98 41 6
800 Where were you on the night of the tea party? 1.3654 0.04645 156 107 41 8
801 Fluff and nonsense, Your Honor. He's full of it. 1.3654 0.05152 156 113 29 14
802 First I had badger the witness and now I gotta bear witness? 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
803 My client obviously has a right to bear arms, your honor. 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
804 May it please the court, I will show that my client never did or never would squeeze the Charmin' 1.3649 0.04996 148 104 34 10
805 ‘Permission to treat him as a hostile witness... and knock the stuffin outta him!’ 1.3649 0.05265 148 107 28 13
806 You see, your honor. Contrary to what the defendant claims, the blanket was not snuggle-soft. 1.3649 0.04996 148 104 34 10
807 In conclusion your Honor, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he? 1.3649 0.04903 148 103 36 9
808 Oh, come on. If corporations can gain personhood, surely I can too. 1.3648 0.05080 159 115 30 14
809 According to the police report, when you left the picnic the other bears were having a lovely time, beneath the trees where nobody sees. Is that correct? 1.3642 0.04650 151 103 41 7
810 Ursa ipsa loquitir. 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
811 So this pot of honey disappeared and you had nothing to do with it, right? 1.3636 0.05378 121 84 30 7
812 The president cannot keep bringing emotional support cases to my courtroom 1.3636 0.04946 154 109 34 11
813 This will do. As you know, facts don't matter anymore 1.3630 0.05132 146 104 31 11
814 The court will not allow you to bear witness. 1.3630 0.05039 146 103 33 10
815 Please tell the Court exactly where and when you were smothered. 1.3630 0.05039 146 103 33 10
816 It's a fucking teddy bear. 1.3630 0.05223 146 105 29 12
817 If a statement is true then it is not libel. You do have cotton balls. 1.3630 0.05039 146 103 33 10
818 Your honor, I request that you instruct the jury to ignore this witness's adorableness. 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
819 I'd like some leeway here, since this eyewitness has eyes made of plastic buttons. 1.3624 0.04782 149 103 38 8
820 Can you identify the person you discovered sleeping in your bed. 1.3624 0.04782 149 103 38 8
821 Is it true that you have used the alias, Ted? 1.3624 0.04782 149 103 38 8
822 So you do admit that you and the accused have been sleeping together. 1.3624 0.04489 149 100 44 5
823 I don’t buy this I was hibernating defense! 1.3624 0.04589 149 101 42 6
824 Your honor, my client was no where near Raggedy Ann on the night of her disappearance. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
825 This is the main witness to elector fraud your honor? 1.3624 0.04968 149 105 34 10
826 And you’re sure the defendant is who you saw stealing cookies from the cookie jar? 1.3624 0.04734 149 105 35 9
827 Is this the most credible witness the state could come up with, your honor? 1.3623 0.05239 138 98 30 10
828 You insisted on testifying and now you won't speak? 1.3618 0.04530 152 103 43 6
829 Counsel requests permission to cuddle the witness. 1.3617 0.04856 141 97 37 7
830 Your honor, please bear with me on this. He’s not as cuddly as he looks. 1.3617 0.05257 141 101 29 11
831 It's not that he won't talk, he can't talk 1.3617 0.05257 141 101 29 11
832 It was "Sooooo Big" 1.3617 0.04856 141 97 37 7
833 We call the President’s star witness, your honor. 1.3617 0.05257 141 101 29 11
834 Innocent Mr. Bear? Then how do you explain the purple lint found in your paws the night stuffed Barney disappeared? 1.3613 0.04834 155 109 36 10
835 All I'm saying is that it wasn't Goldilocks and the one bear! 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
836 Your honor, this witness has been sleeping with the defendant 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
837 He's claiming it's a Kanga and Roo court. 1.3605 0.05011 147 104 33 10
838 Your Honor, this witness is incapable of telling the truth. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
839 If you want to get cute with me, I'll pull your string and make you talk. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
840 Your honor, may I approach the witness for a hug? 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
841 No, we can't swear you in on a copy of The House at Pooh Corner. 1.3605 0.05011 147 104 33 10
842 But she slept in my bed,she slept in all of our beds! 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
843 Do you expect this jury to believe, Teddy Chandler, it was not you but some gorgeous golden-haired dame who just happened to walk into your life and then left behind the empty porridge bowl and broken chair? 1.3605 0.05194 147 106 29 12
844 OK, what did you do with Tigger? 1.3600 0.04941 150 106 34 10
845 Isn't it true that you were given a new identity and entered into the Witness Protection Program for your testimony? 1.3597 0.05207 139 99 30 10
846 Your Honor, if my client doesn't have the right to bear arms, who does?! 1.3597 0.04898 139 96 36 7
847 Your Honor, my client is only a flight risk if you believe in Santa Claus. 1.3597 0.05207 139 99 30 10
848 Move on with your cross please, we all know Fuzzy Wuzzy isn't very fuzzy. 1.3597 0.05003 139 97 34 8
849 How long have you believed in your right to bear arms? 1.3597 0.04790 139 95 38 6
850 If she pulls the string, she'll be accused of leading the witness. 1.3597 0.04898 139 96 36 7
851 And what did you do after Big Teddy and the Bad News Bears threatened to beat the stuffing out of you? 1.3597 0.04898 139 96 36 7
852 I ask that the word ‘Pooh’ be stricken from the record. 1.3595 0.04693 153 106 39 8
853 Is it true, Mr. Bear, that you’ve spent every night with the defendant since she was born? 1.3595 0.04693 153 106 39 8
854 Are you saying the big, scary monster was only that big. 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
855 Thirteen years, Your Honor! Thirteen years, then abandoned! It’s only right that my client be granted palimony! 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
856 I know it’s been no picnic for you... 1.3592 0.04724 142 97 39 6
857 And how long have you known Mr. Robin? 1.3592 0.05226 142 102 29 11
858 Your honor my client insists on blankie immunity. 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
859 Now Mr Bear, please exhibit to the jury where Mr Giuliani touched you 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
860 and you say you had a permit for this ‘Teddy Bears Picnic’ 1.3592 0.04829 142 98 37 7
861 And so your honor, our stuffing expert has successfully demonstrated that there is no evidence of voter fraud this election 1.3590 0.05299 156 116 24 16
862 And you say the child forced you to sleep with him EVERY night? 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
863 Your Honor. I would like to excuse this witness because it is nap time for his owner. 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
864 Your honor may consider my line of questioning to be badgering, however, whether this witness does or does not perform that activity “in the woods” is key to my case. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
865 I am the victim of a honey trap 1.3586 0.04862 145 101 36 8
866 Objection, Your Honor--the confession was squeezed out of him.” 1.3585 0.04661 159 111 39 9
867 Just the bear facts please 1.3582 0.05125 134 94 32 8
868 Permission to treat the witness as textile? 1.3581 0.04890 148 104 35 9
869 Your honor, may I treat the witness as hostile? 1.3581 0.04795 148 103 37 8
870 Are you trying to tell the jury that Goldilocks chair was already broken? 1.3580 0.06645 81 57 19 5
871 As an expert witness, please assess the prevailing family dynamic. 1.3577 0.04940 137 95 35 7
872 If you’re not guilty, just say so. Your lawyer can’t pull your string any more. 1.3577 0.05048 137 96 33 8
873 Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t really fuzzy, Was he? 1.3576 0.04914 151 107 34 10
874 You think your being cute, don't you. 1.3571 0.04623 154 109 36 9
875 The defendant claims he did NOT behave like a "real animal." 1.3571 0.04763 140 96 38 6
876 My client has a constitutional right to bear arms. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
877 And in conclusion, my client could not have pushed Jimmy because he is an inanimate object. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
878 Your Honor, I request a short recess so that I may snuggle with my client. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
879 Permission to press the witness's belly so he can talk, Your Honor. 1.3571 0.04542 140 94 42 4
880 You can't just throw up your hands. Answer my question! 1.3571 0.04763 140 96 38 6
881 Your honor, please instruct the witness to stop gesticulating every time I ask a question. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
882 Teddy Bear? Paddington Bear? Even a child knows it is a critical difference, Your Honor." 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
883 Your Honor, my client didn't remove the "do not remove tag" from himself. 1.3571 0.05275 140 101 28 11
884 Our client asserts that the defendant trespassed into their house, ate their food, broke their chair and was found lying in their bed. A grizzly crime indeed your Honour! 1.3571 0.05371 140 102 26 12
885 Your honor, our defense hinges on the right to arm bears. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
886 Show us where the bad kid touched you. 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
887 Your Honor, I will not be toyed with. 1.3562 0.05119 146 105 30 11
888 You are telling me she tried to squeeze you to death? 1.3562 0.04736 146 101 38 7
889 He is here to bear witness, your honor. 1.3562 0.04318 146 97 46 3
890 The entire morning session was consumed with the issue of whether raising both hands constitutes "raising your right hand". Consequently, the issue of whether the witness competence was deferred to the afternoon calendar. 1.3562 0.05026 146 104 32 10
891 Now...Mr. Teddy is comfy and ready to testify. 1.3562 0.05211 146 106 28 12
892 Hibernation is not a legal defense, your Honor. 1.3562 0.04835 146 102 36 8
893 Just because he was in the room where it happened, does not make him a useful witness. 1.3562 0.04635 146 100 40 6
894 Request permission to treat the witness as cuddly, your honor 1.3557 0.04769 149 104 37 8
895 Your honor, my client's alibi has been cleared with Lambchop, Barbie, and several others tea party attendees. 1.3557 0.04863 149 105 35 9
896 Could you describe for the court this bowl of porridge that you say went missing? 1.3557 0.04267 149 99 47 3
897 I’t’s ‘Theodore’ and not ‘Teddy”, is it not? I remind you you’re still under oath. 1.3556 0.05201 135 96 30 9
898 Your Honor,permission to treat the witness as cute? 1.3556 0.05409 135 98 26 11
899 Just your right hand. Just. Your. Right. Hand. 1.3556 0.05306 135 97 28 10
900 You can call me Teddy 1.3556 0.05306 135 97 28 10
901 Let me guess..you're here to bear witness. 1.3553 0.04975 152 109 32 11
902 The material witness is 20% polyester blend and 80% cotton, your Honor. 1.3551 0.04802 138 95 37 6
903 Not to lead the witness, but Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
904 My client is innocent of all bed wetting charges. The Defense calls Betsy Wetsy to the stand. 1.3551 0.05173 138 101 26 11
905 Your Honor, Mr. Bickles would like to plead the Fluff. 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
906 Your honor, my memory is a little bit fuzzy.... 1.3551 0.04911 138 96 35 7
907 where was the bear cam installed? 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
908 So Mr Cuddles, you say that you were gift from Mr Putin. But I want to know, have you been laundered? 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
909 Permission to treat the witness as hostile but cuddly, Your Honor 1.3546 0.04736 141 97 38 6
910 Your honor, if the witness refuses to answer, permission to pull his drawstring? 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
911 His silence confirms the voting fraud your Honor! 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
912 Please tell your client to answer the question. The court does not have a nap time. 1.3542 0.04974 144 102 33 9
913 The plaintiffs Paddington, Fozzie, Yogi, Smokey, Rupert, and the Berenstains are all Bears. Winnie, on the other hand, is a Pooh. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
914 If it please the court, may I take the defendant home? 1.3538 0.04988 130 90 34 6
915 No, I do not want a hug. I want the truth! 1.3537 0.04904 147 104 34 9
916 How do you respond to the accusation that it was not five year old Danny; but in fact you who wet the bed, Mr. Snuggles? 1.3537 0.05270 147 108 26 13
917 Admit it...you're a softened criminal. 1.3534 0.05250 133 95 29 9
918 Permission requested to rip the stuffing out of this witness, Your Honor. 1.3534 0.05358 133 96 27 10
919 He didn’t steal candy, your honor. He was already stuffed. 1.3534 0.05358 133 96 27 10
920 Hostile witness? I don't think so, counselor. 1.3534 0.05028 133 93 33 7
921 Your Honor, I move to strike. The witness is pandering to the jury. 1.3534 0.04914 133 92 35 6
922 We asked the defendant to provide someone who could bear witness, not a “bear witness.” 1.3534 0.05028 133 93 33 7
923 Exactly what transpired in The Hundred Acre Woods on that blustery day? 1.3534 0.04797 133 91 37 5
924 So when did you suspect little Billy Madison was cheating on you. 1.3529 0.05476 136 100 24 12
925 Your Honor, let the record show that this witness is simply adorable. 1.3529 0.04843 136 94 36 6
926 I must recuse myself your honor, I've slept with this witness. 1.3529 0.05169 136 97 30 9
927 Just a few more questions and the witness can go to his picnic. 1.3529 0.04843 136 94 36 6
928 Isn't it true that your real name is Theodore? 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
929 So you deny removing all the stuffing from Floppy Bunny in a fit of jealous rage? 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
930 Bear - Child privilege is not a real thing. Answer the question! 1.3529 0.04954 136 95 34 7
931 I will not hug you. Answer the question. 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
932 Your honor, my client would like to petition for habeas ursus. 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
933 Sometimes they forget I’m there, but I see everything. 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
934 So you’re saying, Mr. Ted, that you’ve been a guest in the Whitehouse for 4 straight years? 1.3525 0.05193 139 100 29 10
935 That's all he wanted to be your honor, your Teddy Bear 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
936 You're saying the porridge was too hot? 1.3525 0.05193 139 100 29 10
937 Now tell me sir, do you see such a blankie in this courtroom?" 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
938 He’ll only swear on a Steiff catalog.” 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
939 Five-minute recess, Your Honor? To alk-tay with my ient-clay. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
940 Very well, we will hear from our only witness as to fraudulent votes. 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
941 Don’t get cute with me mister Bear 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
942 He says that you're being a meany-pants. 1.3517 0.04945 145 103 33 9
943 And what is your occupation? 1.3517 0.05135 145 105 29 11
944 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to answer the question. 1.3511 0.05074 131 92 32 7
945 You can't tell me there wasn't a moment when you thought to yourself, "I can't just sit here and do nothing." 1.3511 0.04837 131 90 36 5
946 But he wasn't REALLY fuzzy - was he! 1.3511 0.05189 131 93 30 8
947 Put your hands down. I ask the questions here. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
948 We found her unaccompanied at the border. 1.3507 0.05217 134 96 29 9
949 If the defendant is cute, you must prosecute 1.3507 0.05109 134 95 31 8
950 Tread lightly counselor, the mother bear is seated in the courtroom. 1.3507 0.05109 134 95 31 8
951 Show us on yourself where he touched you. 1.3507 0.05109 134 95 31 8
952 No, your other, other right. 1.3507 0.04998 134 94 33 7
953 Are those stitches a direct result of the assault? 1.3507 0.04768 134 92 37 5
954 Isn't it true that your insane jealousy drove you to murder the baby yoda plush toy? 1.3507 0.05217 134 96 29 9
955 Aha! So your real name is Theodore! 1.3507 0.04526 134 90 41 3
956 The notorious Teddy Bundy 1.3507 0.04768 134 92 37 5
957 In which dumpster did you find these ballots, Mr Bear? 1.3507 0.04998 134 94 33 7
958 I understand, your honor, but he was in the room where it happened. 1.3504 0.05138 137 98 30 9
959 Can you show us on yourself where he touched you? 1.3504 0.05032 137 97 32 8
960 That wasn’t all that went on during that picnic was it Mr. Teddy. 1.3504 0.04924 137 96 34 7
961 Do you solemnly swear that every bear that ever there was, was gathered there for certain on the day of the picnic? 1.3504 0.04586 137 93 40 4
962 You can't toy with a witness in my court ! 1.3504 0.05138 137 98 30 9
963 Sidebear, your honor? 1.3504 0.05138 137 98 30 9
964 Ted, you only need to raise one hand to swear to the truth. 1.3504 0.04701 137 94 38 5
965 Tell me, Mr. Bear. Who exactly did you see abscond with Trixie's tooth and replace it with a measly quarter? Was it the "Tooth Fairy" or....HER FATHER? 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
966 And at this picnic, did you gaily gad about? 1.3504 0.05138 137 98 30 9
967 Your Honor, I' d like to call to the stand...... Tickle Me Elmo. 1.3504 0.05138 137 98 30 9
968 The kangaroo court is across the hall. 1.3504 0.05241 137 99 28 10
969 Council, Overruled. I’m going to allow your client to bear witness. “ 1.3504 0.05032 137 97 32 8
970 Tell us in your own words, what you were made to do in Family Guy 1.3504 0.05032 137 97 32 8
971 ...so you see, Your Honor, this bears witness to the disastrous consequences of confusing plurals and possessives by the Defendant... 1.3500 0.05357 140 103 25 12
972 Quite frankly, your honour, the witness can get stuffed. 1.3500 0.05162 140 101 29 10
973 Admit it. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? 1.3497 0.04888 143 101 34 8
974 Your honor, I would like to report that the prosecutor has been sleeping with the witness 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
975 He doesn’t have a defense. Goldilocks was ruining his life. 1.3488 0.05464 129 94 25 10
976 So, whose bed were you in the night in question? 1.3488 0.04753 129 88 37 4
977 Do you think we can believe his alibi? He says he was at a picnic. 1.3488 0.05121 129 91 31 7
978 Can you tell us where you were on the morning of December 25th? 1.3488 0.04753 129 88 37 4
979 The court will please note that the witness’ refusal to answer is deemed hostile despite his apparent cuddly nature. 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
980 Tell me Bear, just how big was that hug? 1.3485 0.04927 132 92 34 6
981 So I find this half crazy girl wearing a goofy red cape passed out in my bed!” “What’s an angry bear to do? 1.3485 0.05587 132 98 22 12
982 If I pull some strings, then he'll talk. 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
983 Sidebar, if it pleases the court, “Where were you on the night all the barbies went missing? 1.3481 0.05496 135 100 23 12
984 Your honor, the prosecution’s star witness is a teddy bear. What kind of kangaroo court are we running here? 1.3481 0.04967 135 95 33 7
985 And when were you first bothered by seeing Mandie spending more time with the giraffe than with you? 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
986 As you can see your honor, the defendant and the plaintiff haven’t slept together in years. 1.3481 0.04967 135 95 33 7
987 You expect the jury to believe that you were on the shelf all night? 1.3481 0.04967 135 95 33 7
988 Objection, your Honor: bearing false witness. 1.3481 0.05291 135 98 27 10
989 Your Honor, Ted has talked enough. 1.3481 0.05077 135 96 31 8
990 your honor, the defendant would like to request his blanket 1.3481 0.05291 135 98 27 10
991 : I object to the prosecution knocking the stuffing out of this witness, your honor. 1.3481 0.04967 135 95 33 7
992 Your Honor. the seat is too hard for my client 1.3478 0.05002 138 98 32 8
993 Isn’t it also true, Mr Bear, that you witnessed the Defendant on TikTok when she was supposed to be studying Geography? 1.3478 0.05310 138 101 26 11
994 Permission to cuddle with the witness, Your Honor? 1.3478 0.05209 138 100 28 10
995 Permission to approach and hug the witness? 1.3478 0.05209 138 100 28 10
996 Under State vs Ruxpin, Teddy disavows his previous testimony on the grounds that it was pre-recorded at the factory... 1.3478 0.05107 138 99 30 9
997 Bear with my client Your Honor, 2020 really beat the stuffing out of him. 1.3478 0.05209 138 100 28 10
998 Your honor – do I really have to address him as Fuzzy Wuzzy? 1.3475 0.05031 141 101 31 9
999 Just the bear facts, Sir 1.3472 0.05151 144 105 28 11
1000 Are you or are you NOT made of sustainably sourced materials??? 1.3472 0.04759 144 101 36 7
1001 Objection sustained. That's not what "bear witness" means. 1.3465 0.05289 127 91 28 8
1002 The witness will require an interpreter, Your Honor. 1.3462 0.05089 130 92 31 7
1003 Your Honor, when I said 'bear witness', this is not what I meant 1.3462 0.05089 130 92 31 7
1004 I want to treat him as a hostile witness, but geez. 1.3462 0.05429 130 95 25 10
1005 How long had you been sleeping with the victim? 1.3462 0.04849 130 90 35 5
1006 He threatened to beat the stuffing out of me! 1.3462 0.04849 130 90 35 5
1007 Your Honor, my client was at the scene of the crime but did not personally steal any cookies. 1.3462 0.05644 130 97 21 12
1008 Where were you on the night of December 24th? 1.3462 0.04970 130 91 33 6
1009 That’s when he knocked the stuffing out of me! 1.3462 0.04849 130 90 35 5
1010 Your honor, I request permission to treat the witness as soft and snuggly." 1.3462 0.05089 130 92 31 7
1011 So your testimony is that you were merely trying the bed on for size when she attacked you. 1.3462 0.04970 130 91 33 6
1012 ...and he wuz never fuzzy, wuzz he?!! 1.3462 0.05204 130 93 29 8
1013 Your honor, the defense rests... comfortably 1.3459 0.04658 133 91 38 4
1014 Was there any doubt in your mind it was bedtime? 1.3459 0.04779 133 92 36 5
1015 The defense requests a twenty minute nap, your Honor. 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
1016 Permission to treat this witness as hostile your honour? 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
1017 For the record, Mr. CuddlyWump, who are you protecting? 1.3459 0.05124 133 95 30 8
1018 sooooo mr. pooh pleease explain to this court your lifestyle and exactly what it is that you do all day in the place you call the hundred acre wood. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
1019 Do you mean to say you were NOT sleeping with the accused on the night in question? 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
1020 Your Honor, does the Court have a Bear to English interpreter? 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
1021 Well, this is awkward. 1.3459 0.05124 133 95 30 8
1022 On the night of the meltdown, where were you at bedtime? 1.3458 0.05329 107 74 29 4
1023 ... and do you see the dog that did that to you in the courtroom today, Teddy? 1.3456 0.04937 136 96 33 7
1024 I’d like to request a brief hibernation period for my client, your honor. 1.3456 0.04937 136 96 33 7
1025 In considering the Supreme Court's ruling in the Puff the Magic Dragon vs Little Jacky Paper case, Teddy, here, can't succesfully sue for abandonment; my client is 85 years old. These things just happen. 1.3456 0.05046 136 97 31 8
1026 We have to move the mic closer. I can't hear a word he's saying. 1.3456 0.05461 136 101 23 12
1027 You think that's what "bear witness" means? 1.3456 0.04937 136 96 33 7
1028 Mr. President, I’m going to need you to answer the question. 1.3456 0.05360 136 100 25 11
1029 Did the defendant drag you by the ear? 1.3451 0.04798 142 100 35 7
1030 What do you mean I can't treat the witness as hostile? 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1031 Your Honor, please tell the witness to stop shrugging and answer the question. 1.3440 0.04965 125 87 33 5
1032 Pleading the 5th is only meaningful if you can talk. 1.3440 0.05341 125 90 27 8
1033 Your honor, permission to ask this bear witness what he bore witness to? 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1034 But your Honor, without his right to bear arms, he would have no arms at all!" 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1035 I most certainly do not need a hug, sir. 1.3440 0.05460 125 91 25 9
1036 Wipe that smile off your snout. Admit it, you're stuffed with ballots voting for Trump! 1.3440 0.05691 125 93 21 11
1037 I’ll remind the prosecution once again that ‘stuffed’ is considered a prejudicial term. 1.3438 0.05254 128 92 28 8
1038 No nicknames. Is your proper name Theodore? 1.3438 0.04763 128 88 36 4
1039 Who told you this would be a picnic? 1.3438 0.04890 128 89 34 5
1040 And is it your testimony that that is the position you assumed when the officers pulled you over? 1.3438 0.05254 128 92 28 8
1041 I feel uncomfortable accepting a testimony from a witness who swore on a copy of Goodnight Moon. 1.3438 0.04953 128 92 29 7
1042 I will not warn you again Counsel, do not cuddle the witness. 1.3438 0.06075 96 69 21 6
1043 So exactly how much comforting did you actually do in 2020? 1.3438 0.05014 128 90 32 6
1044 Did you or did you not, fall out of the bed leaving the defendant to sleep by himself? 1.3438 0.05254 128 92 28 8
1045 Your Honor, he says he won't talk until the bailiff plays a lullaby. 1.3435 0.05171 131 94 29 8
1046 She says you have right to remain silent. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
1047 Oh man. I am way too over-koalafied for this job. 1.3435 0.05501 131 97 23 11
1048 Your honour, the witness is requesting a short recess for ‘snuggles’ 1.3435 0.04632 131 92 34 5
1049 And you felt no shame being indiscriminately cuddled by just about anybody? 1.3433 0.04867 134 94 34 6
1050 Your honor, I must invoke the Toy Story accommodation. Teddy will not testify with humans present. 1.3433 0.05092 134 96 30 8
1051 You honor, my client would be grateful if we could agree on a simple battery charge. 1.3433 0.04981 134 95 32 7
1052 Your honor, is this a Calvin and Hobbes thing? 1.3433 0.05201 134 97 28 9
1053 I would ask that the court instruct the jury to ignore the fact that the witness is so adorable. 1.3433 0.04981 134 95 32 7
1054 You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve witnessed 1.3433 0.04981 134 95 32 7
1055 You heard the judge Ted, talk! 1.3431 0.05016 137 98 31 8
1056 So you admit to choking the victim with your bear hands? 1.3431 0.05122 137 99 29 9
1057 I only voted ‘this’ many times 1.3431 0.05225 137 100 27 10
1058 Don’t try to look so innocent. 1.3429 0.04943 140 100 32 8
1059 Counsel, the right to the bearing of arms is not the legal equivalent to the arming of bears. 1.3426 0.05607 108 77 25 6
1060 Can you show us where the defendant touched you? 1.3413 0.05184 126 90 29 7
1061 I choose to exercise my right to remain silent. 1.3413 0.05184 126 90 29 7
1062 The defense seeks only in justice, Your Honor. Soft, cuddly justice. 1.3413 0.05305 126 91 27 8
1063 Your honor, he is not as innocent and snuggly as he seems. 1.3413 0.04933 126 88 33 5
1064 Where I touched you is NOT pertinent to your testimony in this case. 1.3413 0.05060 126 89 31 6
1065 Answer the question. Did you sleep with her? 1.3413 0.04802 126 87 35 4
1066 Describe to the jury your whereabouts on or around the date of the disappearance of Mr. Potatohead. 1.3413 0.05184 126 90 29 7
1067 Sustained. Personal nursery questions not relevant. 1.3413 0.05423 126 92 25 9
1068 Motion for dismissal of the abandonment charge. My client went to college and Mr. Snuffles would not have been welcome. 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1069 Have you ever been involved with Christopher Robin? 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1070 Frankly, Your Honor, I'm surprised that no one's tried to knock the stuffing out of him before. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
1071 And so even though you clearly said “no” the defendant continued to cuddle you? 1.3411 0.04983 129 91 32 6
1072 And what happened after she ate your porridge? 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1073 Your Honor, permission to cuddle the witness? It’s been a rough year. 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1074 Oh my God. Ted, is that you?? It’s Janet! Remember, from middle school? 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
1075 The Justice Department said they’d send the President to testify. 1.3409 0.05466 132 98 23 11
1076 And exactly where was this picnic? 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1077 Would you mind speaking into the mic, please? 1.3409 0.05139 132 95 29 8
1078 I’d like some nap time with the witness, your honor. 1.3409 0.04789 132 92 35 5
1079 I can't treat this witness as hostile. 1.3409 0.04789 132 92 35 5
1080 So explain to the jury how it was your fingerprints happened to be on the honey jar. 1.3409 0.05025 132 94 31 7
1081 I'm sorry, your honor. No matter how hard I try, I can't treat this witness as hostile. 1.3407 0.05169 135 98 28 9
1082 The jury would like to be sequestered with the witness.” 1.3407 0.05060 135 97 30 8
1083 Your honor, I believe the witnesses fear for his life if he testifies is justified. I'd like to hug the stuffing out of him, myself. 1.3407 0.05060 135 97 30 8
1084 Your Honor, I move to strike this witness as unbearable. 1.3407 0.05006 135 99 27 9
1085 Your honor, let the record show that the witness is changing his bedtime story! 1.3407 0.04950 135 96 32 7
1086 This is taking the right to remain silent too far. 1.3398 0.05943 103 75 21 7
1087 Is it your testimony that cuteness is not a crime? 1.3396 0.05509 106 75 26 5
1088 Do you believe that your time undercover caused you to emotionally regress into a child-like state? 1.3387 0.05357 124 90 26 8
1089 Let the record show, the witness has declined a lunch recess, because he is “stuffed.” 1.3387 0.05233 124 89 28 7
1090 Did you or did you not fly here during the travel ban from China? 1.3387 0.05107 124 88 30 6
1091 Your Honor, the defendent claims he was not at dinner that fateful night, as he is always stuffed. 1.3387 0.04977 124 87 32 5
1092 He's our silent witness. 1.3387 0.05107 124 88 30 6
1093 Strictly speaking, your Honor, it’s a Steiff bear, not a Teddy bear. 1.3387 0.04775 124 88 31 5
1094 My client requests an adjournment as he is required at home for Timmy’s nap. 1.3387 0.05107 124 88 30 6
1095 My client represents to me that he was under the couch at the time the cookies were eaten. I would like to call Susie back to the stand. 1.3387 0.04977 124 87 32 5
1096 Your honor, I must recuse myself since I've been sleeping with the witness. DF 1.3387 0.05357 124 90 26 8
1097 And with the teddy bear, the defense rests.” 1.3387 0.04977 124 87 32 5
1098 And the defendant’s mommy claimed to be a surgeon before reattaching the limb? 1.3387 0.05597 124 92 22 10
1099 Your Honor, I’d like to now call Mr Christopher Robin to the stand. 1.3387 0.04977 124 87 32 5
1100 Taking the 5th is not going to save you. We found the mangled remains of Snoopy and Barbie covered in honey and stashed in the back of your cubby. 1.3387 0.05107 124 88 30 6
1101 Permission to approach and cuddle the witness your Honor? 1.3387 0.05107 124 88 30 6
1102 So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t even fuzzy, was he? 1.3387 0.04977 124 87 32 5
1103 Your honor, please instruct the witness to answer. 1.3387 0.05597 124 92 22 10
1104 your honour , so that we get a jury of his peers...we must ask to delay the trial until winter has passed. 1.3386 0.05027 127 90 31 6
1105 Your honor, requesting permission to squeeze the witness. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
1106 I said, raise your right paw. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
1107 In mitigation, my client maintains he has been the naïve victim of a honey trap, Your Honour. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
1108 Judge Barrett faces her first case regarding the right to arm bears. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
1109 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you’ve clearly just listened to testimony made up of whole cloth. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
1110 And now we have come to bear witness. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1111 Show me on the boy where he touched you. 1.3385 0.05411 130 96 24 10
1112 Explain to the jury exactly how you "snuggled" them to death. 1.3385 0.04829 130 91 34 5
1113 The accused beat the stuffing out of my client. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1114 Your honor, could you instruct the witness not to throw up his hands every time I ask a question? 1.3385 0.05186 130 94 28 8
1115 So, did you or did you not wet the bed? 1.3385 0.05520 130 97 22 11
1116 Thanks to a good night's sleep, your honor, our case rests. 1.3385 0.05627 130 98 20 12
1117 Permission to treat the witness as docile, your honor? 1.3383 0.04639 133 92 37 4
1118 And in Trumps defense we have called the ‘I Don’t Care Bear, Do You?’ to the stand 1.3383 0.05431 133 99 23 11
1119 Now, Teddy, can you point where the little girl touched you. 1.3375 0.06400 80 57 19 4
1120 Your Honor, may I approach the bench and press the button embedded in the witness’ stomach? 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
1121 When did you first become aware of bedbugs? 1.3365 0.05734 104 75 23 6
1122 "And where are your masks? 1.3365 0.05569 104 74 25 5
1123 Permission to refresh the witness's recollection since his memory of the events is fuzzy. 1.3365 0.05895 104 76 21 7
1124 Your cholesterol has tested high and Piglet is missing. What do you say for yourself? 1.3365 0.05569 104 74 25 5
1125 He pleads adorable. 1.3361 0.05411 122 89 25 8
1126 Goldilocks is how big, now? Really? 1.3361 0.04885 122 85 33 4
1127 But your honor, the defendant does not speak unless I push his buttons. 1.3361 0.05155 122 87 29 6
1128 Keep stonewalling and the kid gets life. Is that what you want? 1.3361 0.05021 122 86 31 5
1129 Was it true that Timmy was in bed at 7:30 pm as his mother instructed? 1.3361 0.05284 122 88 27 7
1130 Our defense is the right to arm bears. 1.3361 0.05535 122 90 23 9
1131 Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy. No, by gosh, he wasn’t, was he? 1.3361 0.05155 122 87 29 6
1132 I admit I did sit on that chair, drink that porridge and slept on that bed, your honor, but is all this really necessary? 1.3361 0.05284 122 88 27 7
1133 ‘Now, Teddy, please tell us what happened once you were put into the washing machine’ 1.3361 0.05284 122 88 27 7
1134 You honor, my client clearly does not bear any resemblance to the description 1.3361 0.05284 122 88 27 7
1135 Please let the record show Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1136 Let the record show the witness wants to be friends. 1.3360 0.04944 125 88 32 5
1137 I was in the woods. I didn't know it was illegal. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1138 Now I turn your attention to the picnic of April 13th last. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1139 You said it all started about night night time, could you be more specific? 1.3360 0.04606 125 88 33 4
1140 ...to answer for the charge of aiding the bedding 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1141 Your Honor, his mouth is sewn shut. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1142 Your Honor , Id like to request a 2 hour snuggle session. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1143 Exactly what time did you leave the picnic? 1.3360 0.04812 125 87 34 4
1144 You’re now saying she was a brunette? 1.3360 0.04944 125 88 32 5
1145 "Am I--and the jury--to believe that the defendant, your guardian, took you by the leg, hauled you--head-first--down the front stoop, slammed your head against each step, and then tossed you over the railing? 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1146 If you feel the witnesses' statement was unclear, I can always pull the string again. 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
1147 And what were you doing in her bedroom that night? 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1148 I swear I didn't eat the porridge because I was stuffed. 1.3359 0.05351 128 94 25 9
1149 Starting to think law school wasn’t worth the investment 1.3359 0.04870 128 90 33 5
1150 He has been like this ever sense they told him he has the right to remain silent. 1.3359 0.05116 128 92 29 7
1151 You said bear witness." "I said, "Did anyone bear witness?'" ..."bear witness." ..."BEAR witness. 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
1152 So you expect the jury to believe you just because you’re cute cuddly and good in bed. 1.3359 0.04870 128 90 33 5
1153 Really? You're going to object to that face? 1.3359 0.05116 128 92 29 7
1154 And then they said, “Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic!” 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
1155 No, “bear false witness” was not sarcasm. 1.3359 0.05038 131 94 30 7
1156 Your honor, I object on the basis that this witness's testimony is a fairy tale. 1.3359 0.05153 131 95 28 8
1157 I object, your honor. We have already established that, due to his Button-Eyes-and-Kapok-Arms syndrome, the witness is literally not able to comply with your directive to lower his arms or "wipe that expression off his face." 1.3359 0.05266 131 96 26 9
1158 Your honor, the witness is a bear-faced liar. 1.3358 0.05074 134 97 29 8
1159 Your honor, I request that the witness wear amicus briefs as instructed. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1160 No further snuggly wugglies your honor. 1.3333 0.04927 120 84 32 4
1161 Your Honor, the defense argues a gag order is unnecessary for the witness because, well, his mouth is literally sewn shut 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
1162 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to stop being cute and just answer the question.... 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1163 Your honor. Would please instruct the witness to stop looking so damn cute and answer the question? 1.3333 0.05521 126 94 22 10
1164 Permission to treat the witness as huggable? 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1165 The defendant has no convictions, prior or otherwise.” 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1166 As for this unwanted touching, did you ever explicitly give consent? 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1167 The defense rests. 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
1168 And please describe to the court how the term crash test "dummy" makes you feel. 1.3333 0.05225 126 94 23 9
1169 Your Honor, let the record show that the witness refuses to answer the question. 1.3333 0.05204 120 86 28 6
1170 It's my support bear. What did you expect me to do; leave it at home? 1.3333 0.05040 126 90 30 6
1171 I swear it was self-defense. He almost beat the stuffing out of me. 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
1172 You knew it was illegal to be bear in public. 1.3333 0.05067 120 85 30 5
1173 OK, already, the defense has already stipulated the accused was up past her bedtime.... 1.3333 0.04847 126 91 29 6
1174 So, Winifred, may I call you Winnie? 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1175 I object to this witness. He was clearly sleeping with the defendant. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1176 And, how often would the defendant ‘knock the stuffing’ out of you? 1.3333 0.05429 129 96 23 10
1177 Is it true what the nanny states that you, defendant Bear, are involved in the cover up? 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1178 Not sure you needed to remind him of his right to remain silent … 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1179 But Judge Barrett, we were assured you would be sympathetic 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1180 So I put it to you, Mr. Edward Bear: you impersonated one Mr. Pooh at the woodland party, with the criminal intention of depriving said Pooh of his hunny pot! 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1181 The accused, Christopher Robin is this big Your Honor 1.3333 0.05067 120 85 30 5
1182 Exactly where did he ask her to touch you? 1.3333 0.05067 120 85 30 5
1183 You want this jury to believe you were just cuddling with the victim? 1.3333 0.04642 123 87 32 4
1184 If you weren't involved, why did the ransom note demand "hunny"? 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1185 I will show the court that my client is just the cutest widdle adowable mass murderer you’ll ever meet. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1186 Your Honor. May I treat him as a hostile wittness? 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1187 Look, you made it onto the chair, you can swear on the goddam Bible. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
1188 And isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that the defendant once treated you so roughly that you had to have an eye stitched back on? 1.3333 0.04713 123 85 35 3
1189 Your honor, may I approach the bench? The witness's tummy needs to be squeezed in order to respond. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1190 You actually have to say "I take the Fifth" 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1191 And the porridge you ordered - was it too hot, too cold, or just right? 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1192 I can't help but fear that his eyes are following me everywhere... 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
1193 And about how many stitches were required? 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1194 Your honor, the witness is bearly cooperating. 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1195 So you allege the defendant tried to take the stuffing out of you! 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
1196 Permission to approach the witness and pull his string. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1197 Mr. Bunky, how do you explain that your DNA test found you are stuffed with Raggedy Ann? 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1198 His owner is in a cage at the border. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1199 ...and had you ever met the Berenstains before the night in question? 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
1200 Your Honor, we are waiting for an interpreter. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1201 Let the record show that the witness is indicating the position of the bees. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1202 Your Honor...this witnesses testimony has no bearing on the case ! 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
1203 And what happened after he stopped cuddling you? 1.3333 0.05404 126 93 24 9
1204 I object to this witness, Your Honor. He's been sleeping with the defendant for years. 1.3333 0.05083 129 93 29 7
1205 He’s maintained from the start, his memory is fuzzy. 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
1206 May the record reflect the witness’s cuteness. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1207 What happened after you were posted on Craigslist? 1.3333 0.05006 132 95 30 7
1208 I object your honor. The second amendment says nothing about arming bears. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1209 Sir, you must speak to invoke the Fifth Amendment. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1210 Counsel, there has been a serious allegation that you have slept with this witness 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1211 Before you say anything, just know we tried really hard to get the nanny-cam out. 1.3333 0.05164 126 91 28 7
1212 Is that supposed to mean 'Who Me'? Use the microphone. 1.3333 0.04927 120 84 32 4
1213 I’m sorry, I thought this was kangaroo court. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1214 So the defense had to pull strings to get you to testify. 1.3333 0.04927 120 84 32 4
1215 So your telling me and the jury, that your relationship was based on security and loneliness? 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1216 Is the BabyCam admissible? 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1217 Your honor, what the witness is saying is unbearable 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
1218 ‘Just admit it, you’re smuggling ballots.’ 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1219 You need to raise only one hand when swearing to tell the truth. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1220 Permission to snuggle the witness, Your Honor? 1.3308 0.04931 130 93 31 6
1221 Now, show us on the old lady where the little boy touched you. 1.3308 0.04931 130 93 31 6
1222 I'm stuffed. Guilty as charged. 1.3307 0.04880 127 90 32 5
1223 Can you show the jury where the Defendant squeezed you? 1.3307 0.05130 127 92 28 7
1224 For the record, did you or did you not sleep with the defendant? 1.3306 0.04821 124 87 33 4
1225 Can you show us where the little girl touched you? 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1226 Your Honor, the witness appears to have his mouth sewn shut. 1.3306 0.05085 124 89 29 6
1227 Mr. Pop A. Bear, please answer the question...did you in fact eat all the porridge then try to pin it on the defendant, Miss Goldilocks? 1.3306 0.05577 124 93 21 10
1228 Point on this human doll to where he touched you. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1229 With all due respect your honor, your'e the poopy head. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1230 And are you confident, Sir, that the assailant was indeed wearing pyjamas? 1.3306 0.04821 124 87 33 4
1231 I request that I be able to treat Mr. Cuddles as a hostile witness, Your Honor. 1.3306 0.05085 124 89 29 6
1232 Your honor, a brief recess please? The defendant needs a hug. 1.3306 0.05085 124 89 29 6
1233 Bear with me for a moment, your honour. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1234 No, you cannot plead cute 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
1235 One more minute, Your Honor, bear with me. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1236 Your honour, could the witness specify what they mean by 'just right?'" 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1237 Your Honor, the defendant is being adorable again. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1238 Please point to where the defendant touched you. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1239 Your honor, please let the record show that this is a docile witness. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1240 Were you or were you not the last one to be seen with the Toby's binkie?" 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1241 Objection! Sentimentalising. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1242 For the tenth time, yes, I will be your friend. Now answer my question. 1.3306 0.04894 121 85 32 4
1243 Just answer the question, and don't call me HONEY. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1244 No one said anything about a dress code. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1245 ...and then he threw me into the corner! 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1246 Your honor, my client was in bed, cuddling, and no where near a picnic on the day in question. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1247 Your Honor, my client requests a recess because he has to go THIS MUCH. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1248 Your Honor, I'd like to request a 30-minute recess so that I may nap with the witness. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1249 No need for a 30 minute lunch recess. I'm already stuffed. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1250 Ok, let me get this straight... so your story is that you were having a picnic? 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1251 I'm here to bear witness 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1252 Permission to treat the witness as Ruth Bear Ginsberg? 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1253 Of course he ate the Thanksgiving dinner, your honor, he's full of stuffing! 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1254 Your honor, my client was simply exercising his right to bear arms 1.3306 0.05676 121 91 20 10
1255 This sad individual bears witness to the danger of having children 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1256 My client would like the court to know how eager he is to put this case to bed 1.3306 0.04894 121 85 32 4
1257 I remind you counselor, that every defendant has the right to remain silent under the Fifth Amendment 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1258 Then how do you explain your polyester stuffing in the deceased's mouth?! 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
1259 Your honor, I submit that my witness, Ted E. Bear is not only credible but warm and furry. 1.3305 0.05523 118 87 23 8
1260 Permission to treat the witness as smooshy smooshy cuddle fluff cutie-pie? 1.3305 0.05652 118 88 21 9
1261 Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of inanity. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1262 If it please the court, may I hug the witness? 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1263 Bear with us your honor, the witness has never testified in court before.” 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1264 When was the last time you saw Goldie Locks? 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1265 Being cute is not an alibi. 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1266 I don't care who ate your porridge! 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1267 Are you refusing to bear witness? 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1268 Please ask your client to desist from repeating “Hands up! Don’t shoot!! He’s only charged with stealing a pot of honey. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1269 Drawing on the Goldilocks Principle, Your Honor, our case is neither too simple nor too complicated. It's just right. 1.3305 0.05523 118 87 23 8
1270 The jury have requested milk and cookies. 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1271 Your Honor, the Defendant is untrustworthy. His smile is merely a well-manufactured facade. And his plush chest is literally heartless. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1272 It's called "omerta", Your Honor. Do I have your permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
1273 I just need a little hug. 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
1274 All of the cabinet members refused to testify in person 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1275 Your Honor, may I approach and hug the witness? 1.3305 0.04670 118 81 35 2
1276 'Counselor, just grin and bear it." 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1277 Your honor, may it please the court, the SNUGGLE is real. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1278 In fact, Mr. Wuzzy, you wasn't fuzzy -- was you? 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1279 Your Honor, permission to treat this teddy bear as hostile. 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 30 4
1280 Enough of your bearsplaining--just the facts, sir! 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
1281 Another recess? 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1282 Your honor, if he is too cute, you cannot prosecute. 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1283 Anyone in the courtroom speak squeaker? 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1284 In closing, don't do the crime if you can't do the bedtime. I rest my case. 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1285 Bear with me. 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
1286 Your honor, I feel I must point out that the witness's eyes are really just buttons. 1.3305 0.04823 118 82 33 3
1287 'He reserves his right to stay silent, your Honour'. 1.3305 0.05523 118 87 23 8
1288 Only the right paw for the oath, please. 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1289 And just what were you doing under the bed on the night of January 24th? 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1290 Your Honor, my next witness will require a certified interpreter of silence. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1291 No Prosecutor, you may not hug the Defendant. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
1292 Would it be fair to say that,if I went down in the woods today,I would be in for an alleged surprise? 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1293 Well, anyway, I heard it. He says my client's not guilty. 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
1294 The witness is speechless. 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
1295 Your Honor, The defense rests - with Mr.Cuddles!" 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
1296 Your honor, would you mind closing your eyes so the witness can come to life and testify? 1.3305 0.05652 118 88 21 9
1297 Need I remind you, Teddy, that you are under oath? 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
1298 I was in the airport gift shop, and the guy who bought me shoved coke up my butt . 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
1299 Your alibi is you were in bed? In bed with whom? 1.3287 0.04839 143 104 31 8
1300 Taking “bear witness” literally! 1.3281 0.05216 128 94 26 8
1301 Let it be known by the court that the bear is indicating he loves the judge 'this much'. 1.3280 0.05178 125 91 27 7
1302 And I thought the political puppets were just the Supreme Court Judges! 1.3279 0.04999 122 87 30 5
1303 The baby bear says he didn’t do it. It was the little girl with the gold colored hair who did it. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1304 Your honor, there’s no way he caught a fish that big, he can’t even hold a fishing pole. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1305 Badgering the witness? Look again. 1.3279 0.04999 122 87 30 5
1306 This court deserves more than the bear facts 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
1307 Your Honor, I believe this witness is a bear-faced liar! 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1308 I ask to have Mr. Cuddles declared a hostile witness. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
1309 My client pleads not guilty to the charge of honey laundering 1.3279 0.04999 122 87 30 5
1310 We found her sleeping in my bed. She had eaten all my porridge and broke my chair. When she saw us, she ran out, and we never saw her again. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1311 I’m establishing a pattern of abandonment. The defendant hasn’t played with Mr. Snuggles in 29 years! 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
1312 ‘If it would please the court, can you show me Baby Bear exactly where Goldilocks touched you?’ 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
1313 You are hereby sentenced to 40 hugs 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
1314 I must recuse myself, your honor. Teddy and I had a rather intimate relationship many years ago. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1315 The witness and his testimony are both threadbare 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1316 Ms. Goldilocks' visit is more motive than alibi. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1317 There’s no such thing as the right to arm bears. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1318 You said I had the right to bear witness 1.3277 0.04790 119 83 33 3
1319 J’accuse, Mr. Snuggles, J’accuse! 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1320 Your honor, I would like to advise the court that the witness is a teddy bear, not our witness Theodore Bear. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1321 Permission to treat Mr. Bear as a cuddly witness? 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1322 Counselor, you are not allowed to badger a bear. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1323 Can you show us on this child where they touched you? 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1324 He’s full of fluff, your honor 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1325 Your Honor; Permission to sleep with the witness-- 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1326 Did you, or did you not, go into the woods, that day? 1.3277 0.04936 119 84 31 4
1327 When was the last time you saw Gummy? 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1328 Let the record show that the answer was non responsive. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1329 Your Honor, my client requests a recess. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1330 Were you at the scene, or did you go back to your crib? 1.3277 0.04936 119 84 31 4
1331 The defense cannot rest without a teddy bear. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1332 Your Honor, the eyewitness is clearly all fluff and no substance. 1.3277 0.04936 119 84 31 4
1333 He is here to bear witness 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1334 Your honor, please bear with us. 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
1335 I said raise just your RIGHT hand. 1.3276 0.05015 116 82 30 4
1336 I'm cute" is irrelevant 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
1337 Your honor, before I question the witness, your son told me to tell you, he did, indeed, steal the cookie from the cookie jar. 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
1338 What can I say, Your Honor? The porridge was just right. 1.3276 0.05015 116 82 30 4
1339 Stuff it Counsel 1.3276 0.05015 116 82 30 4
1340 Your Honor, wouldn’t he need to be able to count to five before pleading the Fifth? 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
1341 Your Honor, the evidence will show that the defendant did indeed shit in the woods. 1.3276 0.05015 116 82 30 4
1342 Can I please hug the witness? 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
1343 Your Honor, counsel seeks permission to snuggle the witness. 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
1344 Tell the truth, where is Goldilocks? 1.3276 0.05015 116 82 30 4
1345 Your responsibility to bear witness, truthfully, in this case is very serious. 1.3276 0.04863 116 81 32 3
1346 It was not Mr. Binky who chose to use the good china at the tea party. 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
1347 So. How long after Annie placed you under her bed did you realize that she was not coming back for you? 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
1348 Teddy says he’ll go to the Supreme Court; unclear why 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
1349 So when the defendant, Miss Goldilocks, came in to take your food and bed, what exactly did you do? 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
1350 This is the witness? Why am I surprised, it is 2020 after all. 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
1351 Permission to press the witness, your honour? I like how it sings a lullaby 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
1352 He just shows up with that blank look and beady eyes. 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
1353 I had more questions, but I now feel like the defense should rest. 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
1354 Your Honor, I ask you find the witness uncooperative and overstuffed. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1355 Your Honor, gesturing "beats me" over and over in no way directly responds to my cross-examination. 1.3267 0.05470 101 72 25 4
1356 You're right. As a witness chair it does smack of preferential treatment. 1.3267 0.05821 101 74 21 6
1357 The bear... the bear... why must the election come down to the bear?... 1.3267 0.05286 101 71 27 3
1358 Your Honor, I object to the defendant having his diaper changed on the prosecution table. 1.3267 0.05470 101 72 25 4
1359 Objection, Your Honor, the witness cannot demand a bear hug after answering each question. 1.3267 0.05286 101 71 27 3
1360 And you say you colored in the map with purple not to confuse the election results but because you wish people would all love each other as much as they love you? 1.3267 0.05470 101 72 25 4
1361 Show the court, on yourself, where the defendant touched you. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1362 Excuse me your Honor, but you can’t dismiss the witness just because you find him unbearable 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1363 Your Honor, the witness needs his service child. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1364 43 years together and still no commitment. 1.3254 0.05384 126 94 23 9
1365 The jury is to disregard that last Roosevelt reference! 1.3254 0.04890 126 90 31 5
1366 ... and on top of all that, your witness isn’t wearing pants. 1.3252 0.04689 123 86 34 3
1367 Your honor, the defense requests a nappy-time break with the witness. 1.3252 0.04689 123 86 34 3
1368 But your honor, the cat really did get his tongue! 1.3252 0.05097 123 89 28 6
1369 But your honor. I believe I’m due a certain latitude with an obvious hostile witnesses who bearly answers my questions. 1.3252 0.05097 123 89 28 6
1370 Request permission to snuggle the witness, Your Honor. 1.3252 0.04829 123 87 32 4
1371 Objection,your Honor,Bearsay! 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1372 Objection,Your Honor. That’s Bearsay. 1.3252 0.05596 123 93 20 10
1373 Your honor I agree the case should be in Juvenile Court but he insists on being tried as an adult. 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1374 It wasn’t Teddies fault. Alexa made him do it. 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1375 No further questions, your Honor. And now we’d like to call to the stand, Mr. Nooky Blanky. 1.3252 0.04829 123 87 32 4
1376 Show me on yourself where the defendant touched you. 1.3250 0.04608 120 83 35 2
1377 I have here your Honor, a written apology for eating all of the Plaintiff's porridge. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1378 If it please the court, your Honor, the witness needs a time out for big hug. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1379 Your honor, my client is taking the Fifth because he is not able to speak about anything. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1380 The honey is missing and the witness shows no emotion and refuses to answer any questions. I rest my case. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1381 Did you, or did you not, sleep with her? 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1382 I did not give my consent to the hug 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1383 Your Honor, would you please direct the witness to refrain from being so cute. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1384 So, how long have you worked for the Berenstain’s? 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1385 For the record, would the witness please state its country of manufacture? 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1386 Counselor, you are coddling the witness. 1.3248 0.04980 117 83 30 4
1387 Where were you on the day of the Teddy Bear's Picnic? 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1388 And can anyone else confirm that you were in the woods having a picnic, on the day in question? 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1389 Don't make me pull some strings to get an answer out of you. 1.3248 0.05406 117 86 24 7
1390 Counsel, you are badgering the bear. 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1391 Oh, he knows exactly what happened. 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1392 While I understand I have the right to bear arms, I would also appreciate some elbows. 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1393 Your Honor, the witness is being insufferably cute. 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1394 And so you found the hugging to be inappropiate? 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1395 No bathroom breaks. Endless shifts. We called it Build-A-Bear Sweatshop. 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1396 How would you describe your security role, working for the president? 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1397 The witness demands a snuggle, your honor. 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1398 With this witness unable to speak, he has obviously suffered some trauma. Let's break for milk and cookies. and reconvene in 20 minutes 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1399 No your honor this will not be a TED talk. 1.3248 0.05540 117 87 22 8
1400 And what, Mr. Bear, did they find in the woods that day? 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1401 Your honor, the defendant was found stuffing ballots in Pennsylvania 1.3248 0.05926 117 90 16 11
1402 Did you or did you not tell Lillian to put you in the toilet? 1.3248 0.05406 117 86 24 7
1403 But your Honor, Mr Teddy IS a registered voter 1.3248 0.05800 117 89 18 10
1404 who the f&*k's bear is this? 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1405 Your Honor, permission to treat him as a hostile witness? 1.3246 0.05502 114 84 23 7
1406 Your honor, I request a recess 1.3246 0.05359 114 83 25 6
1407 Which book should he put his paw on? 1.3246 0.05359 114 83 25 6
1408 Your honor, the witness refuses to speak 1.3246 0.05212 114 82 27 5
1409 I don't even have a bladder, so, I think we know who did it! 1.3246 0.04905 114 80 31 3
1410 Tell the court how your desire to become a real bear led you into the woods. 1.3246 0.05641 114 85 21 8
1411 Eyewitnesses place the suspect near the cookie jar at the time of the cookie caper 1.3246 0.05502 114 84 23 7
1412 Another plaintiff for illegal votes? I cannot bear this? 1.3246 0.05502 114 84 23 7
1413 Teddy Graham is not your real name, 1.3239 0.07170 71 53 13 5
1414 Did you take the fifth? 1.3232 0.05529 99 71 24 4
1415 I take that to mean you are not aware of where Mr. Trump was that night? 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
1416 So you really think 'cuddly' is an excuse to get by with anything? 1.3232 0.05890 99 73 20 6
1417 Can you tell the court where, exactly, she touched you? 1.3232 0.05529 99 71 24 4
1418 And where were you on the night of...oh, never mind. 1.3232 0.05142 99 69 28 2
1419 Let the record show the witness says the defendant was quite anxious the night of the 3rd--in fact, 'vewy vewy newvous' that night. 1.3232 0.05890 99 73 20 6
1420 , “sorry, no, teddy bear to client privilege is not a thing” 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1421 This line of questioning is simply unbearable 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1422 You can’t handle the honey. 1.3229 0.06014 96 71 19 6
1423 Your Honor, in this case "pillow talk" should be admissible. 1.3228 0.04455 127 88 37 2
1424 Don't lie to me, or I'll knock the stuffing out of you. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1425 So Teddy, did you witness the wolf's crimes? Defense claims hearsay... that it's just a story you overheard. 1.3226 0.05953 93 68 20 5
1426 Your honor, this witness is ready to testify he saw the defendant put chewing gum in his sister's hair. 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
1427 Do you think society will let us have a real trial anytime soon? 1.3223 0.05655 121 92 19 10
1428 May I cuddle the witness, Your Honor? 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1429 If you go down to the woods today you're sure of a big surprise, your honor. 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1430 My first witness is speechless! 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1431 So, you admit to helping take that nap? 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1432 I'll ask just one more time. Where were you the day of the picnic. 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1433 The ICE agents beat the stuffing out of you and then what happened? 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1434 I object to this level of cuteness, your honor. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1435 So you deny being at the picnic in the woods? 1.3220 0.04945 118 84 30 4
1436 When we say you have the right to bear arms, this is not what we mean. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1437 Objection, Your Honor. This testimony is in material. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1438 Show us on the human where he touched you. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1439 My client is innocent! Just look at him. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1440 For how long have you been undercover? 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1441 Your Honor, the defendant says Donald threw him on the floor and stomped on him when the vote counts were announced. I find that to be unbearable! 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1442 Unbearable. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1443 And is that rabbit in the courtroom now? 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1444 He hasn’t said a word. He’s clearly in shock. 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1445 Permission to cuddle, your Honor. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1446 Your honor, I have information that his real name isn't even Teddy. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1447 Your Honor, bear with me. This witness needs to be handled with care. 1.3217 0.04870 115 81 31 3
1448 Let the record reflect that the witness is dumbfounded. 1.3217 0.04870 115 81 31 3
1449 Your honor, may I have permission to treat Pookie as a hostile witness? 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1450 If your honor would please direct the witness to answer the question. This isn't a Senate hearing - "I don't remember" is not an answer. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1451 Let me get this straight. You were having a "cuddly-wuddly snoozy-woozy" at the time the crime was committed? 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1452 Can you reunite my deported client with his Teddy bear? 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1453 Mr. Cuddles, can you identify the person who squeezed you? 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1454 Please be a little more specific about the assault than just saying he beat the stuffing out of you. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1455 Are you the Mr. Bear who organized this very large picnic gathering where there was no social distancing an no one was wearing a mask? 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1456 ...so, do we have the post-picnic breathalyzer test results from all the attendees? 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1457 Tell the jury where the child touched you. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1458 So you say the defendant beat the stuffing out of you? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1459 When did you first notice the button in your ear was missing? 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1460 ...and did you give your consent before you were hugged? 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
1461 You are guilty of letting someone hug you during a pandemic! 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
1462 Do you really expect this court to believe that you slept thru the entire winter and therefore couldn’t possibly have been at the scene of the crime? 1.3217 0.04870 115 81 31 3
1463 And did you mail in your ballot, or drop it off at the clerk's office? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1464 Your honor, I ask that you direct the witness to answer the question! 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
1465 You have no Second Amendment rights. It is the right to bear arms. Not the right to arm bears. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1466 Your Honor, his memory is just as fuzzy as his face. 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
1467 Without losing my remaining arm, Your Honor, may I crossexamine the witness as hostile? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1468 Your honor, I must ask your forbearance. 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
1469 Your honor, I'd like to treat Mr Bear as a docile witness 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1470 OK, Teddy, stop being cute and tell us where Goldilocks is. 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
1471 And where was Christopher Robin on the night of October 31? 1.3214 0.05413 112 82 24 6
1472 Your honor, permission to treat the bear as a hostile - but very cute - witness... 1.3214 0.05413 112 82 24 6
1473 Your honor, I’m simply trying to bear witness to the crime. 1.3214 0.05413 112 82 24 6
1474 Your honor, this witness could not have completely seen what happened that night. His button eyes are missing some threads. 1.3214 0.04947 112 79 30 3
1475 Permission to treat the witness as gender-neutral? 1.3214 0.05413 112 82 24 6
1476 I have nothing more for this witness your honor. I’d like to call Mr. Quacks to the stand. 1.3214 0.04782 112 78 32 2
1477 Let the record show the witness has been uncoöperative yet adorable 1.3214 0.05560 112 83 22 7
1478 Permission to treat the witness as irresistibly cuddly? 1.3214 0.05413 112 82 24 6
1479 So then what does “bear witness” mean, Your Honor? 1.3214 0.04782 112 78 32 2
1480 My client’s right to bear arms is being infringed. 1.3214 0.05262 112 81 26 5
1481 He wants to be traded to Chicago rather than the Jets. He thinks that it would be a better fit. 1.3214 0.05560 112 83 22 7
1482 In your expert opinion, Mr. Snuggie, what's it like when someone tries to kill you with kindness? 1.3214 0.05107 112 80 28 4
1483 Exactly how hot was this "scalding" porridge? 1.3214 0.05413 112 82 24 6
1484 Teddy, Giuliani has identified you as a conspirator involved in the stuffing incident. You can't be silent forever!" 1.3214 0.05703 112 84 20 8
1485 I plead the fifth...and the second. 1.3214 0.05262 112 81 26 5
1486 Felony cookie theft is a serious crime. Acting cute and cuddly is not an acceptable defense. 1.3214 0.05107 112 80 28 4
1487 Your honor,the witness is unresponsive. 1.3214 0.05703 112 84 20 8
1488 He may not be a hostile witness, but he is stuffy. 1.3214 0.04947 112 79 30 3
1489 Did you or did you not cast an illegal ballot? 1.3214 0.05262 112 81 26 5
1490 From your angle inside the dryer, could you could see that he did not select permanent press? 1.3214 0.05107 112 80 28 4
1491 Permission to treat this witness as cuddly and adorable, your honor? 1.3214 0.05842 112 85 18 9
1492 Your honor - permission to treat the witness as textile. 1.3197 0.05492 122 92 21 9
1493 Yes, I know you are sooooo big. Just answer the question. 1.3197 0.04837 122 87 31 4
1494 To clear things up,are you registered to vote as Teddy Bear or Ted E. Bear? 1.3197 0.04837 122 87 31 4
1495 Your Honor, I don't care how cute he is, you are obligated to declare him a hostile witness. 1.3197 0.04975 122 88 29 5
1496 Your honor, this witness just rests. 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
1497 Your Honor, my client may be a snuggler, but he's not a smuggler. 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1498 Your Honor, permission to treat this cuddly little guy as a hostile witness 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1499 Do you prefer Teddy or Theodore? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1500 Isn't it true that, unassisted, you ate all the porridge yourself? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1501 Permission to treat the witness as cuddly. 1.3190 0.04989 116 83 29 4
1502 Who is this court to deny my client's right to bear witness? 1.3190 0.04989 116 83 29 4
1503 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as really cuddly. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1504 Don't you understand, Teddy would never shoplift the supermarket, he's already stuffed. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1505 Your Honor, permission to hug the witness tightly and cry for my mommy 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1506 ...so when refused to go to bed with her, she said she'd knock your stuffing out? 1.3190 0.04989 116 83 29 4
1507 When you went down in the woods to play, what WAS the big surprise? 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1508 He won’t lower his right hand. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1509 Your honor, the witness requests a booster seat. 1.3190 0.04678 116 81 33 2
1510 Your honor, I object to this witness's obvious attempts to be cute. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1511 Your Honor, if you would allow me to just squeeze his paw one more time I think we’ll get the answer we’re looking for. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1512 What do you object to? All I said "was Bear with me". 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1513 We know you stole the honey jar! 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1514 Fuzzy Wuzzy was not a bear, at all. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1515 As you can see, Your Honor, Mr. Wiggles loved the victim “this much”. 1.3190 0.04989 116 83 29 4
1516 So did you or did you not comply with the arresting officer’s request “Keep your hands above your head where I can see them”? 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1517 Show me where the defendant touched you. 1.3186 0.04912 113 80 30 3
1518 You asked for someone who could bear witness. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
1519 He was in the room when it happened! Press the belly button to talk! 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
1520 Teddy, please tell the Court why you oppose the Administration’s proposal to remove the King Salmon from the endangered species list. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
1521 I'm sorry but you're confusing the fifth amendment with the second amendment's right to bear arms. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
1522 Your honor I apologize for my client. He thought it was casual Friday" 1.3186 0.04912 113 80 30 3
1523 Requesting permission to approach and cuddle the witness. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
1524 We are not buying this “other side of the mountain” story. What did you really see. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1525 Let the record show my client has indicated the defendant as the person who dropped him out of the bedroom window. 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
1526 Your honor, I offer Mr. Teddy Bear as an expert in the fields of cuddling and tea parties. 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
1527 Not answering whether he slept with the victim for years is an admission, Your Honor, not a denial. 1.3182 0.05155 110 79 27 4
1528 May I press his belly so he may respond? 1.3182 0.05155 110 79 27 4
1529 And can you point to the person who threw you over for the stuffed giraffe? 1.3182 0.05314 110 80 25 5
1530 Your honor I ask that the witness be declared as hostile for refusing to answer. 1.3182 0.05155 110 79 27 4
1531 Can anyone corroborate that you were in hibernation at the time of the crime? 1.3182 0.05314 110 80 25 5
1532 Your honor, I find this witness’s refusal to answer to be unbearable. 1.3182 0.05909 110 84 17 9
1533 Your Honor, I feel I must recuse myself from the case due to my past relations with the witness. For the record, we have slept together.” Jessica Meth, Larchmont, New York 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
1534 Don't let his innocence fool you, your Honor. He's a known pedophile. 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
1535 Yes, Your Honor, I'll stop badgering the bear. 1.3182 0.05155 110 79 27 4
1536 My apologies. From now on I’ll refer to you as “Theodore”. 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
1537 Your honor, even if meant to be private within a deeply emotional relationship, the defendant’s communications to the witness are not privileged. 1.3182 0.05620 110 82 21 7
1538 To answer your question with another question: Is the Pope Catholic? 1.3182 0.05314 110 80 25 5
1539 Let the record show that the witness refused to answer the question. 1.3182 0.05620 110 82 21 7
1540 So, on the evening of June 13th, what were you doing in the woods? 1.3162 0.04953 117 84 29 4
1541 Judge, it is the only impartial witness I could find in the world today!" 1.3162 0.04953 117 84 29 4
1542 Your Honor, please instruct the witness not to answer every question with "wheeee!" 1.3162 0.05100 117 85 27 5
1543 The plaintiff is claiming abandonment, after five years of sharing the defendant's bed. 1.3162 0.05100 117 85 27 5
1544 Is there a problem with my first witness also being evidence? 1.3162 0.05381 117 87 23 7
1545 This is not what I had in mind when I allowed you to call a character witness. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
1546 Seriously, he's pleading the Fluff Amendment? 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1547 Permission to treat the witness as adorable? 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1548 Will your witness require an Interpreter? 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
1549 Are you sure sending him to the daycare is the right decision? 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1550 We request an immediate transfer to Juvenile Court. 1.3158 0.04631 114 82 29 3
1551 And then, after this little piggy went to market ? 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1552 Tell us again how the defendant knocked the stuffing out of you. 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
1553 Your Honor, please inform the witness, I was NOT being sexist when I referred to it as "Doll". 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1554 No further cross-stitches, your honor. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1555 We did; but it's not what you think 1.3158 0.05033 114 87 20 7
1556 this trial is a fraud. I must have a jury of my peers 1.3154 0.05009 130 96 27 7
1557 If the fur doesn’t fit, you must acquit! 1.3154 0.05241 130 98 23 9
1558 And do you see the dog that ripped your arm off anywhere in the courtroom, and if so, can you point him out? 1.3153 0.05576 111 83 21 7
1559 Permission to change my client's batteries your Honor. 1.3153 0.05274 111 81 25 5
1560 Hug witness to activate testimony 1.3153 0.05116 111 80 27 4
1561 Yes, your honor - Teddy pleads the 5th 1.3153 0.05427 111 82 23 6
1562 You’ll be very unhappy to know that we have hundreds of witnesses who can identify you. 1.3153 0.05427 111 82 23 6
1563 Your Honor, before I start the cross examination, may I just hug the witness? 1.3153 0.05116 111 80 27 4
1564 Your Honor, may I have permission to treat the witness as adorable? 1.3153 0.05274 111 81 25 5
1565 In my defense, I just wanted to see what kind of stuffing she had. 1.3153 0.05274 111 81 25 5
1566 Permission to pull the string coming from the witness's back. 1.3153 0.04611 111 77 33 1
1567 He's really just a big softy 1.3153 0.05116 111 80 27 4
1568 Your honor, please tell this witness to answer the question. 1.3153 0.05116 111 80 27 4
1569 Your Honor, stuffed animals can't talk. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. 1.3153 0.05721 111 84 19 8
1570 Your Honor, my client would like to plead insanely cute. 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1571 I can barely remember yesterday, and you're asking me about pre-hibernation? 1.3148 0.05368 108 79 24 5
1572 But not one man or woman saw you in bed at the hour of the crime? 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1573 He claims that he was honey trapped! 1.3148 0.05035 108 77 28 3
1574 This was the prosecution's "under covers" witness? 1.3148 0.05204 108 78 26 4
1575 Most of the time I received hugs and kisses when she came home from school but these days she's acting weird like she's met another bear. 1.3148 0.05368 108 79 24 5
1576 You're not really fuzzy, are you? And remember, you are under oath. 1.3148 0.05204 108 78 26 4
1577 You think just because she was wearing a teddy that excuses your behavior? 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1578 Objection overruled, Counsel may poke the bear. 1.3148 0.05681 108 81 20 7
1579 Mr. Bear, could you please state for the court just how long the defendant had forced you to sleep with him? 1.3148 0.05204 108 78 26 4
1580 They have the wrong bear. My client's name is T-h-e-o-d-o-r-e. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1581 Yes, Your Honor. This bear can bear witness to this unbearable crime. 1.3136 0.05476 118 89 21 8
1582 Where were you on the night of the Teddy Bears' Picnic? 1.3131 0.05106 99 70 27 2
1583 It’s a simple “yes” or “no” question. We’re you in the crib the night of the alleged crime? 1.3131 0.05304 99 71 25 3
1584 May it please the Court. Unless the Court would prefer flowers? 1.3131 0.05304 99 71 25 3
1585 I'm not an 'accessory' to the crime; that would be Barbie. 1.3130 0.04997 115 83 28 4
1586 Your honor, I’d like the record to show that the witness is unbearably cute. 1.3130 0.05574 115 87 20 8
1587 So it's not just bedding and chairs? You purport to be a qualified expert in porridge too? 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
1588 Mr. Pooh...., you seem surprised that Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore all testified you've been in denial about your honey addiction for years, how do you plea! 1.3130 0.05147 115 84 26 5
1589 Your Honor, Please instruct the witness to put some pants on. 1.3130 0.05293 115 85 24 6
1590 Knowing his parade permit had lapsed, Ted pled the Fifth. 1.3130 0.04997 115 83 28 4
1591 You Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile yet cuddly 1.3125 0.04917 112 80 29 3
1592 Sorry your Honor, if I'd known he was a flasher I wouldn't have called him. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1593 The defense motions a request for a court recess, milk, and cookies. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1594 Your honor, I'd like to request an interpreter. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1595 Is it in writing that she would love you the rest of her life? 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1596 Your honor, if the witness continues to take the 5th, I suggest we move on to the next witness, Barbie. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1597 'Permission to treat the witness as adorable?' Andy Mathieson, Long Beach, Cali. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1598 Woman, man, camera, bear. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1599 Objection! Thou shalt not bear false witness! 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1600 Permission to treat the witness as cute and cuddly? 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1601 You may have kicked me out of bed, but I am selling the porridge recipe. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1602 Your honor, the witness is cute, but totally uncooperative. 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1603 Your honor, I intend to pooh-pooh this witness's testimony. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1604 Permission to treat the witness as hostile for sewing his own mouth shut. 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1605 Your Honor,please instruct the witness that being cute is no defense. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1606 For how many years have you testified as an expert on childhood affections ? 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1607 Your Honor, Please instruct the witness to stop playing it cute with the jury and answer the question! 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1608 Mr Steiff was credible, but he forgot his teddy.. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1609 Your Honor; He's adamant, no witness protection program; no testimony 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1610 I'll ask you once more. Did you see little Johnny pee on the carpet?! Yes or No?!?! 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1611 We stipulate what my client did in the woods. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1612 Sir, please tell the court what you saw happen with those 50 ballots after 7pm 1.3119 0.05785 109 83 18 8
1613 Your Honor, I don't think it'll talk until you squeeze its paw. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
1614 Tell me. Who did you sleep with last night? 1.3115 0.04950 122 89 28 5
1615 So you claim alienation of affection because Christopher Robin cast you aside for a Barbie doll? 1.3113 0.04900 106 75 29 2
1616 Your Honor, it seems the witness refuses to answer any questions whatsoever. 1.3113 0.05254 106 77 25 4
1617 The President’s representative may not testify for him. He must appear in person. 1.3113 0.05744 106 80 19 7
1618 Did you knowingly give aid and comfort to the accused? 1.3113 0.05254 106 77 25 4
1619 Your Honor may I consult with my Hug counsel? ? 1.3113 0.05423 106 78 23 5
1620 Your honor, the defense has clearly brought fourth a puppet. 1.3113 0.05080 106 76 27 3
1621 My client suffers a daily cycle of persistent, unwelcome snuggling at the hands of the defendant. We seek full and immediate emancipation. 1.3111 0.05837 90 66 20 4
1622 Your witness needs a cuddle. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
1623 I thought 'Teddy the Bear' was just his mafia nickname 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
1624 So, after you took over the Papa Bear chair, what did you do with the body? 1.3103 0.06397 87 66 15 6
1625 Your honor, please do not refer to the witness as, 'Your cuteness.' 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
1626 Bear in mind, your still under oath 1.3093 0.05256 97 72 21 4
1627 Your honour, my client pleads the 2nd amendment. 1.3093 0.05357 97 70 24 3
1628 Truth is more than he can bear. 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1629 Objection, your honor. Counsel has clearly stuffed the witness. 1.3093 0.05152 97 69 26 2
1630 yes cam-bear; you did film the baby-sitter in the liquor cabinet, but who told her where the key was stashed? and how did you obtain the Squeeze bottle of Honey? 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1631 There was no inappropriate hugging. 1.3093 0.05357 97 70 24 3
1632 Mr. Bubbles, tell us. Exactly what were you doing with all that lingerie in the clothes dryer at noon of the day in question? 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1633 The bear knows nothing! 1.3093 0.05357 97 70 24 3
1634 Alright I'll admit it. I was the one who removed my tag 1.3093 0.05357 97 70 24 3
1635 Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth and only the truth 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1636 If he can't swear on a copy of WINNIE-THE-POOH, he won't tell the whole truth. 1.3093 0.05152 97 69 26 2
1637 And is that nanny in the room today? 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1638 My client has an alibi - he was at home all night with his toy giraffe. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1639 This may be an embearassing question, but why are you here? 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1640 ...And just how long have you known Hunter Biden? 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1641 I'm sorry, your honor, this Ted doesn't talk. 1.3091 0.04959 110 79 28 3
1642 Is this the only witness for the defense? 1.3091 0.05125 110 80 26 4
1643 I'm not intimidating him, your Honor. I just said his posture suggests guilt. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1644 Your Honor, the defendant's stuffing was found next to the body 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1645 Your honor, the defendant's statement is all fluff! 1.3091 0.04959 110 79 28 3
1646 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defendant is toying with the dignity of this court. 1.3091 0.04959 110 79 28 3
1647 Agent Bear, tell the court what your undercover operation revealed about the defendant’s nocturnal activities. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1648 Now did the defendant as a child abuse you? 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1649 Your honor, please compel this witness to release its nanny cam. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1650 Your Honor, my client was unaware that the camera would record cookie jar misconduct. 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1651 Your Honor, the witness is being non-responsive! Permission to cuddle the witness? 1.3084 0.04863 107 76 29 2
1652 Let the record show the witness wishes to exercise his fifth amendment rights. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1653 So, Teddy, do you swear that you did bear witness to all of the events described thus far in this courtroom? 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1654 Contain your witness, counselor, or I’m putting you both in time-out. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1655 Isn't it true that you encouraged Timmy to remove his diaper and engage in what you have called "the art project" after you were removed from the crib and put on the shelf? 1.3084 0.05698 107 81 19 7
1656 So you gave Tommy the best years of your life and now he ignores you all the time? 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1657 So, you're the missing Teddy Bear that caused all this murder and mayhem! 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1658 Your honour, my client claims daily abuse on the part of the defendant. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1659 Mr. Bear...may I call you Teddy? 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1660 I'm stuffed. I just could not eat Grandma's meatballs. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1661 The witness can't be of sound mind, your honor - she had her head ripped off 3 days ago." 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1662 Again - I'll remind the defendent, you are under oath 1.3084 0.04863 107 76 29 2
1663 I can't imagine why he's not talking. 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1664 Counselor, you're pandering to the witness" 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1665 Yes, your Honor, he's definitely a material witness. 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1666 Your honour what more do we need? The witness she’s she ate his supper, broke his chair and he caught her asleep in his bed 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1667 Before it got out of hand, his main reason for going to the rally was to be a pacifier.' 1.3077 0.04941 104 74 28 2
1668 Let the record show that the defendant declined to answer the question of whether a bear defecates in the woods. 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1669 In 30 years, I’ve never seen a witness so comfortable under cross-examination. 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1670 And what did Goldilocks do next? 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1671 I swear, the stuffing was already on the floor and my hands were up the whole time. 1.3077 0.04941 104 74 28 2
1672 My client declares abandonment, your Honour. 1.3077 0.05127 104 75 26 3
1673 So your legal name is in fact, Theodore? 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1674 Your honor, this unregistered intruder was discovered in a voting booth! 1.3077 0.05647 104 78 20 6
1675 The teddy bear has plead the fifth. 1.3077 0.05127 104 75 26 3
1676 I'll have to press on his belly before he'll squeal. 1.3077 0.04941 104 74 28 2
1677 The witness's statement us untrue your honor. It's false bear testimony! 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1678 no I'm sorry hot cocoa is not available at this time. 1.3077 0.05127 104 75 26 3
1679 Do you promise to bear witness truthfully? 1.3077 0.05127 104 75 26 3
1680 Might I remind you, Mr. Snugglebottoms, you are under oath. 1.3077 0.05127 104 75 26 3
1681 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as irresistibly cuddly. 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1682 and while you were in the bed with Timmy, were you or were you not aware that he was 7? 1.3077 0.05479 104 77 22 5
1683 And did you or did you attend the teddy bear picnic? 1.3077 0.04941 104 74 28 2
1684 Tell the truth or I will knock the stuffing out of you. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
1685 Your honor, if you’d grant my request to have someone pull the string on the bear’s back after each of my questions, I think you’d find this testimony much more compelling. 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1686 It's a little stuffy in here, don't you think? 1.3069 0.05583 101 75 21 5
1687 So, the defendant is your main squeeze? 1.3069 0.05583 101 75 21 5
1688 It was the sole witness when the baby was thrown out with the bathwater. 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1689 Yes, I admit it. I've slept with a lot of women. They even made a couple of movies about me. 1.3069 0.05217 101 73 25 3
1690 Oh, all right! The prosecution will stipulate that the witness is “soft and cuddly”! 1.3069 0.05023 101 72 27 2
1691 I'd like the record to show, the witness failed to disclose to the court they are sleeping with the defendant on a nightly basis. 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1692 Mr. Teddy, when did you last see him put on his big boy pants? 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1693 I’m not moving until all votes are counted 1.3069 0.05217 101 73 25 3
1694 And when he discovered she ate all his porridge, he just lost it. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1695 This emotional support teddy bear cannot testify against his owner! 1.3063 0.05086 111 81 26 4
1696 Your honor, may I approach the witness and press him to my chest? 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1697 ... and bear in mind, you're under oath. 1.3063 0.05836 111 86 16 9
1698 Well, was it one cuddle or two? 1.3063 0.04922 111 80 28 3
1699 So Mr. Fuzzy, you say they wouldn't let you fill out a ballot for President Trump? 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1700 You honor, he clearly does not have the right to bear arms 1.3063 0.05086 111 81 26 4
1701 Why were you under the covers on the night in question? 1.3059 0.05557 85 61 22 2
1702 Teddy always gets confused about the jargon. He’s evidence , not a witness. 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1703 Your honor my client can't speak up... his mouth is sewn shut. 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1704 Permission to treat the witness as soft and cuddly. 1.3059 0.05557 85 61 22 2
1705 Your honor, this teddy bear knows a lot more than it's telling us. 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
1706 No, your honor. We can prove that the bunny was the brains of the operation. 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1707 Your honor, may the defence rest for 20 minutes? 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1708 Let the record reflect the fact that the witness refuses to answer. 1.3056 0.05002 108 78 27 3
1709 No, “The Pooh” is a clearly registered trademark. What made you think you made it up? 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1710 And when was the last time you remember seeing little Tommy at the cookie jar? 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1711 I don’t believe you 1.3056 0.05652 108 82 19 7
1712 Do you deny you have been peeking out of windows all over town? 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1713 The defense has an odd way of resting. 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1714 Just look at him. Angry. Menacing. A killer. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1715 Objection your honor, the witness was bearely involved 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1716 And the defendant WASN’T fuzzy, was he?? 1.3056 0.05002 108 78 27 3
1717 I rest my case your honor, that Teddys can NOT legally be registered to vote in the great state of Pennsylvania 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1718 Your honor, I request that no bear based puns are made about my client" "I bearly think it will make a difference 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1719 So you raised your hands and said "don't shoot." Then what? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1720 I object, your honor. He's a teddy bear. Objection overruled. He's no less reliable than any other witness. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1721 Please let the defendant speak for himself! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1722 Now, let me be sure I've got this right. You claim only your porridge was eaten, your chair broken, your bed slept in...all not by you. Yet your parents found no one else when they searched every room! 1.3048 0.05086 105 76 26 3
1723 He claims the 100 acre woods need to be remeasured 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1724 The key witness was too stuffed to talk. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1725 So, Mr. Bear, you admit you were sleeping with the victim? 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1726 You can button your eyes, but not your lips. 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
1727 Yes, you may address the witness as “Teddy” 1.3039 0.05174 102 74 25 3
1728 Your Honor, I find it impossible to prosecute someone when all you want to do is pick him up and give him a big squeeze. 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
1729 Your honor, I can bear witness to the fact that Teddy did, in fact, have the stuffing knocked out of him by the defendant. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1730 Don't sit there looking all soft and cuddly. You were identified in the lineup. 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
1731 I submit: the witness is unresponsive. 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
1732 Your honor, motion to cuddle the witness 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
1733 No, your Honor, I do not wish to be held in contempt. The Bear's name is 'Judge Poopy Pants'" 1.3039 0.05174 102 74 25 3
1734 Your Honor, I ask you: is this the adorable widdle face of a murderer? 1.3039 0.05174 102 74 25 3
1735 The prosecution finds it hard to believe that, despite having no eyelids, you did not see Timmy sneak out after bedtime. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1736 Your honor, I don't see how the presumption of innocence translates into a comfy chair. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1737 Your Honor. I object. This witness can bearly speak. Get us an interpreter. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1738 Your honor, my client thought 'bear spray" was a type of cologne. He never meant to cause respiratory distress at the slumber party. 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
1739 Objection! That’s bear-say! 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1740 Your Honor, the witness has expressed concern that ‘snitches get stitches.’ 1.3036 0.05357 112 84 22 6
1741 And how do you suppose to explain how we found YOUR corduroy overalls at the scene of the break-in? 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1742 You honor, the witness is stuffed full of fluff. 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
1743 He's here to bear witness of course, Your Honor. 1.3030 0.05266 99 72 24 3
1744 Don't play mute. 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1745 I called him to bear witness to the crime. 1.3030 0.05067 99 71 26 2
1746 The witness is nonresponsive, Your Honor. Permission to treat as hostile? 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
1747 Your honor, may I snuggle the witness? 1.3030 0.05067 99 71 26 2
1748 Your honor, I request the record indicate that the witness' expression is both combative and adorable. 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
1749 Defense will prove that witness is devoid of feelings, made of stuff, and incapable of feelings toward the defendant. 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
1750 Your Honor. Permission to treat this witness as passive? 1.3030 0.05067 99 71 26 2
1751 Tell us about your experience as a "Rough Rider". 1.3030 0.05067 99 71 26 2
1752 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as a hostile teddy bear. 1.3030 0.05266 99 72 24 3
1753 Your Honor, please remind the witness that he does not have the right to bear arms in court. 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1754 So your memory is "fuzzy"? Give me a break. 1.3030 0.05067 99 71 26 2
1755 Your honor I've witnessed kangaroo courts, but this is simply unbearable. 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
1756 Playtime's over! 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1757 May I remind your honor that this is no teddy bear's picnic for my client. 1.3028 0.05132 109 80 25 4
1758 Clearly, Mr.Cuddles is a hostile witness 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1759 Objection! The witness is being nonresponsive. 1.3028 0.04790 109 78 29 2
1760 Permission to treat Mr. Fuzzy as a hostile witness. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
1761 I know its only a mock trial, but couldn't you have tried a little harder to to get a volunteer witness participant. 1.3023 0.06204 86 65 16 5
1762 Don’t toy with us, your behavior is unbearable 1.3023 0.05503 86 62 22 2
1763 I told you, Poo, Winnie the" 1.3019 0.05046 106 77 26 3
1764 And your story is that you heard nothing? 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1765 And why can't you point to the person who sat in your chair? 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1766 I'm sorry Your Honor, he considers blustery a day of the week... 1.3019 0.04865 106 76 28 2
1767 I would like to declare this witness hostile. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1768 Counselor, you may not badger this adorable witness. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1769 Please, your honor, if you’ll bear with me, you’ll see this line of questioning will reveal important information about what happened at bedtime that night. 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1770 You want permission to treat as hostile, you've gotta be kidding. 1.3019 0.05869 106 82 16 8
1771 I think I know how nanny cams work, your honor. May I proceed? 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1772 When did you first discover that you were stuffed with diamonds? 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1773 Your honor, I ask permission to question the bear as a textile witness. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1774 Exactly what do you mean when you say you were stuffed full of lies? 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1775 Let’s just assume Teddy provided material comfort to the defendant! 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1776 My client Mister Ted E. Bear was not doing anything but stuffing a Build a Bear. It was consensual. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1777 Please sit up straight and answer the question. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1778 Now bear with me, your Honor. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1779 You stand accused of plagiarizing the words from Elvis' hit song 'just let me be your Teddy Bear. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1780 And just what are you stuffed WITH, Mister Bear? 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1781 This is going nowhere if he keeps pleading the fifth. 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1782 Your Honor, permission to treat this witness as the cutest, most cuddliest hostile witness I have cross-examined. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1783 Permission to treat the witness as snuggleable? 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1784 And at exactly what time did you arrive at the picnic? 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1785 You swore you’d never tell ANYONE... 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1786 Pleases clarify for the court,whether you are Papa Bear,Mama Bear,or Baby Bear and tell us whose porridge did the suspect Goldilocks eat. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1787 Can you identify the 4-year old boy who left you at preschool? Do you see him in the courtroom today? 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1788 Remember, you are under oath. Is it REALLY that big? 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1789 Your honor, may I cross examine and briefly cuddle with the witness? 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1790 Well, he doesn't seem all that hostile to me, counselor. 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1791 Do you deny not having spoken to the children in over two years. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1792 I’ve heard of bearing witness but this is ridiculous! 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1793 I’ll ask the witness one more time. He wasn’t fuzzy, was he? 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1794 Did you know the girl was underage when you were in bed with her? 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1795 We the jury find the defendant cute and cuddly, but the chair is guilty of being ghastly. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1796 Objection, your honour — that’s bearsay! 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1797 Mr former President, I'm speaking. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1798 Your honor, the teddy was asking for it. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1799 It’s bear-ly legal, but I’ll allow it. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1800 this is a clear cut case of neglect 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1801 Your honor, my client clearly acted out of love. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1802 Now please,show us on the human where you were touched. 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1803 Your honor, please instruct the witness to cuddle with me. 1.3000 0.04313 90 66 23 1
1804 Permission to treat witness as textile, your Honor? 1.3000 0.05108 90 69 17 4
1805 Sure, the defendant looks soft and cuddly, but he’s known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1806 Your Honor, hearing the President's Teedy bear as the first witness is highly irregular but at least his account shall be honest 1.3000 0.05946 100 77 16 7
1807 You honor, this is the only witness who would admit being intimate with the accused. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1808 You agreed to bear witness! 1.3000 0.05025 100 72 26 2
1809 Your Honor, The defense will show and the jury will see that when my client, Mr. Steiff had left the picnic, Mr. Paddington was alive. 1.3000 0.05946 100 77 16 7
1810 Please call the next witness with emotional support needs to the stand 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1811 But Nancy Ann Andrews does not think you were an innocent bystander. 1.3000 0.05222 100 73 24 3
1812 Yes, he was the only witness of the Zoom Meeting. 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1813 Your honor, my client is invoking the bear clause in his defense. 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1814 Don’t Care Bear is the latest member of the president’s administration to face justice. 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
1815 The psychological trauma my client was exposed under the heavy duty cycle is evident. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1816 Your honor, my client is more pro 2nd amendment than anyone, but he clearly did not pull that trigger. 1.3000 0.05025 100 72 26 2
1817 Your Honor, I request that you direct the witness to stop staring as me with those creepy button eyes. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1818 Could you please tell the court if the defendant seated in front of you is the person who stuffed you with drugs? 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1819 Yes, I did it. I couldn’t stand to hear her say “bear with me” one more time! 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1820 Could you please instruct the witness to desist with the sad face and hugging gesture? 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1821 Your honor...it is laughable to call masterminding an international honey smuggling business merely a Boo-Boo. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1822 So, just what did you mean by “I felt all fuzzy inside”? 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1823 Your Honor, I'd like permission to treat the witness as adorable. 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1824 Cut the pooh and answer my question. 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1825 Your Honor, Mr. Teddy Bear did not provide the emotional support necessary to my client during this year. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1826 Trouble Bruin. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1827 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as a soft witness 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1828 Permission to treat Mr. Snuffleluplekins III as a hostile witness? 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
1829 Where were you the night Raggedy Ann disappeared? 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1830 We seek permission your Honor to treat Teddy Bear as a hostile witness. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1831 Do you prefer to be called Teddy or Theodore? 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1832 My client wasn't loitering, your Honour. That day, was the day the teddy bears have their picnic. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1833 Where was I on the 16th. I was in the crib with Joey “Messy Boy” Jones. All night 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1834 Donald, we talked about the pants...” 1.2979 0.05202 94 68 24 2
1835 Guns?! I’m just asking to keep my limbs! 1.2976 0.05297 84 60 23 1
1836 You were separated at the border for your own good. 1.2976 0.06055 84 63 17 4
1837 Did the witness pass the required Covid test before entering my courtroom? 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1838 Badger witness? Bear witness? Your honor, may I approach? 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1839 Remember, you can be prosecuted if you bear false witness!" 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1840 ...and isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that you have caused Miss Mom to trip and spill everything from laundry to supper while lounging in the middle of the floor? 1.2976 0.06055 84 63 17 4
1841 Mr. Fluffy did not shred up Mrs. Piggy, Mr. Fluff did. Big difference! 1.2976 0.05813 84 62 19 3
1842 Your honor, how am I suppose to cross examine 'Ted', if he only talks to certain people. 1.2976 0.05813 84 62 19 3
1843 And, Mr. Bear, how do you plead to Miss Holly’s accusation of “alienation of affection?” 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
1844 She’ll be right back. Potty break. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1845 Permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1846 my client has no knowledge about the destruction of the shield generator and has not lived on Endor for many years... 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1847 Isn’t it true that you’ve been sleeping with the accused? 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1848 Your honor, permission to approach the witness for a hug. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1849 Yeah, you were with Goldilocks that night, I'll bet! 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1850 Obviously your honor this witness has been stuffed. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1851 This is clearly an attempt to stuff the courts! 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1852 It was Raggedy Ann 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1853 The plaintiff has already raised his right hand - and his left. Can we begin? 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1854 Can anyone confirm you were in little Timmy's bed all that night? 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1855 Tell the judge where the button is for the velveteen rabbit’s eye ! 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1856 Your honor - I think it is blatantly unfair to be trying my client as an adult 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1857 But your honor, it's unprecedented to take the oath with both paws raised! 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1858 Your Honor,permission to approach, and just have a quick cuddle with, the witness? 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1859 Where do I squeeze to get yes? 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1860 You want me on that pillow,you need me on that pillow 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1861 Permission, your honor, to treat the witness as not-that-cute. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1862 Your Honor, permission to address the witness as hostile 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1863 My client wishes to take the fluff amendment 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1864 Just bear with us for a moment your honor 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1865 Judge, I'm simply trying to establish a timeline of where the witness was on the day Christoper Robin disappeared. 1.2963 0.04790 108 78 28 2
1866 Get out from under the chair, Mr. Giuliani. The bear can not testify on your behalf. 1.2963 0.06197 81 61 16 4
1867 This witness is hostile. Yet disarmingly cuddly. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
1868 Im sorry your honor, this is the only witness willing to testify. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
1869 Is it true you witnessed him unzipping his pants? 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1870 For the record, being cuddly is a condition, not a defense. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1871 The witness is simply a puppet for the defense. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1872 He needs a recess. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1873 Your Honor, the teddy bear is refusing to answer my questions. 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1874 This is the only character witness for Hobbes that I could get to appear, your Honor. Calvin was nowhere to be found. 1.2959 0.05272 98 72 23 3
1875 Why did you even give it a microphone? 1.2959 0.05272 98 72 23 3
1876 No further questions, your Honor. But would you allow a quick squeeze and a cuddle? 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1877 What? He said he saw it all happen from the toy box? 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1878 Your honor, bears do not have hands they can raise 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1879 Your honor, we ask the jury to find the defendant cuddly as charged. 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1880 Your Honor he’s innocent, bear in mind he's been confined to his bedroom his entire life. 1.2959 0.05272 98 72 23 3
1881 Your honor, you can tell he's innocent just by looking at him. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1882 You were the last one to see Winnie the Pooh alive, were you not? 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1883 Who me? No, Karen stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I swear. 1.2959 0.05272 98 72 23 3
1884 And when did you arrive at this so called “picnic”? 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1885 And what evidence do you have prove your name is Teddy and where were you on the night of December 24th? 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1886 If it please the court, would your honor admonish the defendant not to expose himself to the jury? 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1887 My only purpose is to be hugged, so how would I know who did it? 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1888 It would be fair to say that you’re not as fuzzy as you led others to believe, wouldn’t it, Mr. Wuzzy. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1889 I see, the salmon was so big - for the record we need you verbalize your estimate in inches. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1890 Did you actually see porridge in your baby dish when you went out for a walk? 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1891 I know he looks soft, but he's a cold-blooded killer 1.2952 0.05050 105 77 25 3
1892 Your honor, I hardly think a stuffed bear knows the meaning of originalism! 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1893 I can't be the father! Our relationship was purely platonic. 1.2952 0.05228 105 78 23 4
1894 No, I don't need a hug. 1.2952 0.05228 105 78 23 4
1895 Explain again why your vote should count 1.2952 0.05887 105 82 15 8
1896 My expert witness is a 20-year veteran of the carnival industry here to testify about the Milk-bottle Toss. 1.2952 0.05050 105 77 25 3
1897 Your honor, his statement clearly *bears* witness to his culpability. 1.2952 0.05228 105 78 23 4
1898 Like I've been saying: I'm Eddie, not Teddy! 1.2952 0.05228 105 78 23 4
1899 Bear witness as Justice is served once again, your honor. 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1900 Mr. Fuzzy-Wuzzy, you're going to have to speak up, we can barely hear you. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1901 He's stuffed your Honour 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1902 I put it to you that he is not, as he claims, Winnie The Pooh, but none other than Boo Boo, accomplice to the notorious picnic thief Yogi Bear 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1903 60-40 poly-cotton blend, Your Honor, but a material witness just the same. 1.2947 0.05157 95 69 24 2
1904 The bear facts, sir. Just the bear facts! 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1905 Kill her? I bearly knew her. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1906 I used to have your job but now I'm your new Vice President Koala Harris. 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1907 Let’s discuss the Elefant in the room! 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1908 OK Teddy, if that's your real name ... 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
1909 Go ahead, show the court where the man touched you. 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1910 Permission to approach the witness, and give him a big hug. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1911 Racism against stuffed toys in general, is not the issue here, sir! 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1912 But he doesn't have a hand to put on the Bible.... 1.2947 0.06147 95 74 14 7
1913 Your honor, I motion to adjourn until we find a translator who speaks fluent Teddy Bear. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1914 And we therefore ask that Yogi's petition for pet status be denied, Your Honor. 1.2947 0.04935 95 68 26 1
1915 Are you prepared to bear witness? 1.2947 0.05157 95 69 24 2
1916 And then she ate my porridge...” 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1917 Your honor, Mr. Barenstien has lost his right to plead the fluff. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1918 He’s full of it. 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
1919 With COVID I don’t get any alone time... I just snapped OKAY?! 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1920 I am sorry Your Honor, but in order to collect the witness' statement, I must pull the string located on his behind. 1.2941 0.05384 119 92 19 8
1921 Bear witness as the bear witness bears witness, your Honor 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1922 Answer the question! Did you defecate in the woods? 1.2941 0.05136 102 75 24 3
1923 Silent witness, I get it. But wait til you read her testimony. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1924 Your Honor, this witness' testimony verges on a being a blatant, and may I say, childish fairytale. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1925 Where is the honey honey. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
1926 I'll admonish the witness not to get cute. 1.2941 0.05136 102 75 24 3
1927 Your honor, I'd like to request an hour recess so my daughter can have Mr. Snuggles for her nap. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1928 Your honor, I believe this witness is full of beans. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1929 I've asked several times, Your Honor, but his only answer is that he wants to hug me. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1930 Are you known by any other name than Teddy? 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1931 If it pleases the court. 1.2941 0.04944 102 74 26 2
1932 You expect us to believe that, after five years of being inseparable, the defendant suddenly cut off all contact? 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1933 This is not what we meant when we said "bear witness". 1.2941 0.05506 85 62 21 2
1934 This care bear doesn't care 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1935 Permission to treat the witness as material? 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
1936 I swear she ate my by porridge, broke my chair and slept in my bed. 1.2935 0.05250 92 67 23 2
1937 Bear with me, Judge, I will prove this guy is guilty and his name's not Teddy. 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1938 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as cute and cuddly? 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1939 Your Honor - What do you mean he's not qualified to bear witness? 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1940 You say that on the night in question you were in the woods. Tell us, please, exactly what you were doing in the woods. 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1941 Your Honour, this witness cannot be trusted...look at those beady eyes. 1.2929 0.05026 99 72 25 2
1942 It all comes back to the fact that Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy was not very fuzzy, was he? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1943 In my client's defense, your honor, a perpetual state of surprise happens to be his de rigueur expression 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1944 But your Honor, the witness testimony proves that it was indeed 2-ply. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1945 Mom said it’s my turn to play judge 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1946 His eye-witness testimony is a little too on the button. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
1947 I'm sorry, your honor. Ever since he saw 'Ted' I can't get him to stop. 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
1948 Bear with me my lord. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
1949 So,you were or not recruiting for Epstein 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1950 Your Honor, the witness is being unresponsive; request permission to treat this witness as hostile. 1.2925 0.05186 106 79 23 4
1951 Sustained! The bear witness will answer the question or be held, very tightly, in contempt. 1.2925 0.05522 106 81 19 6
1952 Your Honor, the bear is false witnessing. 1.2925 0.05186 106 79 23 4
1953 As you can see, Your Honor, the witness's story is all fluff. 1.2925 0.05010 106 78 25 3
1954 I thought you said you wanted someone to bear witness. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
1955 Today I will prove to the court that Snuggle Bear is no softy. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
1956 While the defendant clearly overstated his net worth in the months leading up to the Beanie Baby crash of 1999, he is not guilty of, as you put it, "Goldie-locking the market" 1.2925 0.05682 106 82 17 7
1957 As you can see, Your Honor, the defendant is not the animal the prosecution would lead us to believe. 1.2917 0.04779 96 71 23 2
1958 Did you or did you not tell Buffy about Sant Claus? 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1959 Did you or did you not see Jerome being a "meany weany butt"? 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1960 Yes, your honor, it’s a 2nd Amendment case. 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1961 Of course it applies. Who else could the Second Amendment have been for? 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1962 What were you expecting? It's a fricken teddy bear. 1.2917 0.05322 96 71 22 3
1963 Please tell the court where you were the night Timmy slept at Nana's house? 1.2917 0.04893 96 69 26 1
1964 Permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness, Your Honor? I know it’s a long shot. 1.2917 0.05524 96 72 20 4
1965 Well, well, well - Sooooo we finally caught up with that LSD secret chemist of the psychedelic 60s who traveled with the Grateful Dead - Owsley Stanley alias"THE BEAR!! 1.2917 0.05322 96 71 22 3
1966 I was right there when Barbie told Ken all about it 1.2917 0.05322 96 71 22 3
1967 Teddy bear pleads self defense to Trumpy bear`s attack. 1.2917 0.05112 96 70 24 2
1968 your honor i present president trump’s expert witness in the fraudulent nature of our election process 1.2917 0.05908 96 74 16 6
1969 Your Honor, it's clear that being replaced with an iPad has left this witness with an ax to grind. 1.2913 0.05455 103 78 20 5
1970 Your Honor, it appears the witness will continue to remain silent unless I apply pressure. 1.2913 0.05278 103 77 22 4
1971 Kushner sent in his support animal to testify for him. 1.2913 0.05278 103 77 22 4
1972 Your honor, the witness won't answer my questions. Can we hold him in contempt? 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1973 Your honor, the witness is too close to the defendant to give credible testimony. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1974 Technically the defendant and Teddy are still married. It happened at a tea party with all of their friends present. So spousal priviledge does apply. 1.2903 0.05203 93 68 23 2
1975 In you own words, please explain to the jury how the defendant attacked you with the sewing needle. 1.2903 0.04854 93 69 22 2
1976 My client is unwilling to go through surgery for the court to obtain the camera footage. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1977 Let the record show that the witness made a menacing nonverbal gesture. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1978 Don't act so smug. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
1979 Do I cross examine him or hug him? 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1980 The emotional support teddy will respond!" 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1981 Why don't you just tell us who did it? We all now you didn't, because you're too soft! 1.2903 0.05203 93 68 23 2
1982 It's not often we run across a case in which the star witness is also the murder weapon. You may proceed. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1983 Yes, I was present when the decision was made to rip out the rose garden. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1984 Plead the fifth??! Pooh! 1.2903 0.05203 93 68 23 2
1985 Just answer the question, please. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1986 Your honor, I would now like to call mama and papa bear to the stand. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1987 Yes, your honor, I have taken my medication. Why do you ask? 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1988 You of course, no longer have the right to remain silent" 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1989 If it pleases the Court, Your Honor, I'd like to turn his frowny face upside down. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1990 Ah, the old 'right to remain silent' defense, eh? 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1991 Permission to treat Mr. Cuddles as a hostile witness, Your Honor? 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1992 It's increasingly evident that you don't have anything to say for yourself. 1.2900 0.04777 100 72 27 1
1993 "Your honor, my client feels that the description of the witness protection program was misleading. 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
1994 Sorry your honor.....My client thinks he's in the woods.... 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
1995 Did you or did you not pose an emotional support animal but in fact just sit there, offering no support whatsoever. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1996 Motion to strike the witnesses cuteness from the record 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1997 Your Honor, I assure you this line of questioning has a point. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1998 Your Honor as you can see the victim is still traumatized from the holdup 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1999 Your Honor, the plaintiff will prove that this so called bear, deliberately and emphatically harassed Ms. Locks throughout the course of the day causing significant emotional distress. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2000 Your Honor, my securities expert may not know the stock market, but he sure as hell knows the bear market. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2001 Mr Theodore “Teddy” Bear refused to bear false witness against his friend Pooh. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2002 Not speaking won't change the fact you slept with little kids 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2003 I ask permission to treat this witness as huggable. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2004 Your honor, would a bear false witness joke put me in contempt? 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2005 Yes he did do that in the woods, but he is only a cub 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2006 Now show me on the judge where he touched you. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2007 Remember..........just say Winnie the Pooh was your brother and you're also an expert when it comes to honey. 1.2887 0.04851 97 70 26 1
2008 You can put your arms down, your not guilty until proven. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2009 Will Your Honor please note that the witness will not bear testimony. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2010 You're sounding quite hostile, Mr. Bear. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
2011 HE'S MY CLIENT'S ONLY RELIABLE CONFIDANT, YOUR HONOR 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2012 Your honor I ask you to instruct the witness to stop toying with me. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2013 Did you or did you not hibernate? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2014 Your honor, my client was just exercising his Constitutional right to bear arms. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2015 Your honor, my client would like to bear witness to the People v/s Goldilocks case 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2016 This is the part where I'd normally ask the witness to point to a doll. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2017 Permission to treat the witness as just too adorable. 1.2885 0.04864 104 76 26 2
2018 Admit it. You did run away from Ivanka’s nursery! 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2019 i swear it was the Cat that peed in the bed 1.2883 0.05020 111 83 24 4
2020 Your Honor, the witness’s lack of cooperation is Steiff-ling. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2021 Seems Mr. Ruxpin has chosen to plead the fifth. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2022 Objection, Your Honor. Cuteness overload. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2023 Your honor, it wasn't what it looked like. I was tucking in my stuffing and she looked over eighteen. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2024 No, I don’t know what happened to your emotional support human. Your witness. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2025 Did you actually see who was sleeping in your bed? Yes or no please. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2026 The comfy chair is one thing, but the teddy to make witnesses more relaxed? That's too much, your Honor. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2027 Well yes, I knew him, but just bearly. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2028 Your honor, my client does not wish to bear false witness. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2029 Your honor, we need an interpreter for the witness. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2030 Don't worry, he's ambiguous. 1.2875 0.06462 80 62 13 5
2031 Mr trumpy bear will you put your hand on the cartoon book and Now finely to swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help your toy maker? 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2032 Permission to treat the witness as infantile? 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2033 I guess he is just as credible as any other witness That has testified this year. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2034 This is not what I meant when I mentioned a "Ted" talk. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2035 He has the right to bear arms. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2036 Answer the question. Your honor? 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2037 Your honor,he can't testify against his owner. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2038 Isn’t it true that the cookie jar was full when you and Billy entered the kitchen? 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2039 You were the last one seen with him in Timmy’s room so I’ll ask you one last time. Where is Buzz Lightyear?! 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2040 Now Teddy, please tell the court what exactly is Susie doing that you are filing for emanicipation. 1.2875 0.06462 80 62 13 5
2041 Your Honor, if the witness won't answer my questions, he needs to plead the 5th Amendment. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2042 Your honor, my client has the right to bear arms. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2043 Will you please repeat exactly what you told me earlier. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2044 It's entirely inappropriate behavior in open court, to refer to the prosecuting attorney as "Honey", Mr. Pooh. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2045 Does your kid know you are testifying against him? 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2046 Don't be overbearing, counsellor. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2047 Really? "Oh Teddy, I love you!" was referring to you? 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2048 Agent Punky, is it true you were imbedded in the Trump bedroom? Come on Ted talk! 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2049 The defendant denies the accusation that he rigged the elections." 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2050 Teddy is a character witness, your Honor. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2051 How can he be a reliable witness if his left eye button has been replaced? 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2052 Your Honor, the defendant has clearly been stitched up 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2053 I bear-ly saw what happened that night. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2054 You expect us to believe that you’re really from Vermont? 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2055 I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2056 Yes or no - Did you vote in Pennsylvania? 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2057 He was sleeping with the bunny rabbit 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
2058 Please tell the court what you saw them do to the ballots. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2059 Your Honour, the witness just keep repeating the words 'I love you'. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
2060 Well of course he can't testify, nobody hit his "on" switch. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2061 One squeak for yes, two squeaks for no. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2062 Let the record show that the witness did not see the defendant jumping on the bed. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2063 I motion to dismiss this case on the basis that the plaintiff is too cuddly. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2064 He’s not talking, but he saw everything! 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2065 Not that old, “Your memory is fuzzy,” again! 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2066 So, you have known the defendant since he was three? 1.2872 0.04692 94 67 27 0
2067 Your Honor, this witness is un-bearably timid. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2068 May I have permission to treat Mr. 'Bear' as a hostile witness? 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2069 He touched you where? 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
2070 Your Honor,this witness is full of stuffing! 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2071 Where were you the night Barbie disappeared? 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2072 May I please approach the bench and press the witness's paw so I can hear his answer? 1.2872 0.04930 94 68 25 1
2073 Answer or you'll be held in contempt! 1.2872 0.04930 94 68 25 1
2074 I understand you were a close personal friend of the defendant... 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2075 Ah, I was wondering what my secretary meant by 'barely legal'. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2076 Did you vote in person or by mail? 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
2077 Bear up and answer the question. 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2078 And remember that you have sworn to not bear false witness. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2079 Counsellor, I find your line of questioning un-Bearable! 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2080 I was this close to the whole thing. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2081 yes, your honor, the bear facts. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2082 He ate how many ballots? 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2083 He wuvs you dis much your Honor. 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
2084 This may not be your conventional witness, but please bear with me. 1.2872 0.04692 94 67 27 0
2085 Then for the record: You swear you were hibernating on the night in question. 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2086 I apologize, Your Honor, but Evasive is my client’s middle name. 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2087 Pull the right strings and this witness will sing 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2088 Isn't it true, you sat closely, yet completely idly by, the whole while your companion carried out this heinous crime? 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
2089 But Your Honor, my client was not aware of the penalty for bearing false witness" 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2090 A bear hug, sir, is nothing to snort about." 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2091 May I hug the witness, your Honor? 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2092 Your honor I’d like the record to show the witness as non-responsive 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2093 - As you can clearly see your honor, Teddy was not under the covers on the top bunk. He clearly attended Suzie's tea party when the tiara went missing. I have no further questions. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2094 Someone said it was a bear market, so I just started taking stuff 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2095 The bear is just a place holder while the witness puts on his big boy pants. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2096 Bare naked or Bear naked.... it’s contempt of court 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
2097 I’m sorry your honor, I’m afraid this witness has decided to plead the fluff. 1.2871 0.05328 101 76 21 4
2098 I know he's cute, but he's still uncooperative. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
2099 Permission to treat Mr. Teddy as hostile? 1.2871 0.05328 101 76 21 4
2100 Is this your hostile witness? 1.2871 0.05511 101 77 19 5
2101 Is Teddy your real name? 1.2871 0.05511 101 77 19 5
2102 Your Honor, I think we’ve gone too far with the COVID precautions. 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
2103 So THIS is the "bear witness" I've heard so much about? 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
2104 Witness tampering does include hugs. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
2105 And then what happened after you failed your audition for Toy Story 5 ? 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
2106 Teddy Bear-Client Privilege isn't a thing. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
2107 Just the bear facts please, Mr. Teddy. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
2108 The court will now adjourn for The“Teddy Bear’s Picnic” lunch and song fest! 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2109 Your honor, for the record I'll indicate Mr. Hugs is a over-cuddly witness. 1.2857 0.05250 91 67 22 2
2110 May I call you Teddy? 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2111 Permission to treat the witness as snugly 1.2857 0.05012 91 66 24 1
2112 My client firmly asserts his second amendment rights. 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2113 Don't be cute, just answer the question! 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
2114 Your Honor, you demanded that my client bear witness. 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2115 Your Honor, I would never try to badger this witness. 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2116 Your Honor, may I approach the witness and give him a hug? 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
2117 Point to where Trump sued you. 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
2118 Show me on the you where you were touched 1.2857 0.05250 91 67 22 2
2119 Your honor, the defense team believes you have a longstanding personal connection to the witness 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2120 Sorry, your Honor. She just came out of hibernation. 1.2842 0.04887 95 69 25 1
2121 So, Alexa, you were hidden inside this bear in the "safe" house? 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2122 And for the record, do you normally go by Theodore? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2123 I must recuse myself because I once represented Piglet. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2124 Counselor, please stop poking the bear! 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2125 The bench is too lenient - the bench is too harsh - some bears are never satisfied. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2126 Defendant has abused its monopoly over children's affection for decades, creating insurmountable competition for millions of parents. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2127 Your Honor, I’d like to treat the witness as huggably hostile. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2128 Your Honor could direct my client to answer but his lips are sealed. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2129 Will your Honor please direct the witness to respond? 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2130 Jury, please be advised, the following testimony may get a little grizzly. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2131 Sir, you are a stuffed animal; you are not protected by the Fifth Amendment. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2132 He voted for trump in person, you MUST COUNT HIS BALLOT 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2133 Permission to hug the witness, Your Honor." 1.2826 0.04967 92 67 24 1
2134 Permission to hug the witness?" 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2135 You too conveniently characterize yourself as a mere transitional object. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2136 Your Honor, I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that my client did not stuff himself with contraband. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2137 He is claiming the 5th Amendment? Maybe the microphone should be closer. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2138 Don’t give me that cuddly teddy bear stuff - just answer the question! 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2139 Where on your body did Donald Trump touch you? 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2140 Don’t play innocent with me, do I have to remind you that you are under the covers, er, excuse me, oath 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2141 We’re going to need a urine sample. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2142 Using the judge, can you show us where he touched you? 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2143 I refuse in good conscience to cross-examine a teddy bear. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2144 The witness will answer yes or no please stop asking us where you go to the bathroom. Frank Buckley Andover, MA 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2145 If it please the Court, I request a ten-minute recess so that I may snuggle with my client." 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2146 Your Honor, Ted appears to be pleading the 5th. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2147 Baby Bear, please point out the intruder who was sleeping in your bed. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2148 The witness pleads the 5th 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2149 We object to the defendant's request to hug the evidence. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2150 Did you or did you not willingly sleep with my client, the defendant, every night for the last 18 months? 1.2826 0.04720 92 66 26 0
2151 Your honor, I know this is unorthodox -- and I think you misunderstood when I said "bear with me. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2152 Did my daughter eat her vegetables or not?! 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2153 Your Honor, I would like to request permission to treat witness as a hostile witness. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2154 Just your right hand. 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2155 Permission to treat Mr. Bumpkins as a hostile witness? 1.2826 0.04967 92 67 24 1
2156 No further questions, your honor. It's time for bed. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2157 The defendant is bearly answering my questions, your honor 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2158 Are you now or have you ever been a member of the breakfast club? 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2159 Your honor the defendant is playing possum when we can all see he's a bear 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2160 I would ask that the court instruct the jury to disregard the snuggly-wuggliness of the witness. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2161 I remind you that you are under oath. Tell us how you masterminded the plot to steal the election." 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2162 Now we come to the thorny issue of the right to bear arms 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2163 So, your absurd alibi is that at the time of the honeytruck hijacking you were in the woods picnicking. 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2164 No further questions. I’d like to call on my next witness from the alleged “tea party.” 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2165 Hostile witness? Request denied! 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2166 Do you swear to tell the truth, the bear truth, and nothing but the truth? 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2167 Don't be deceived, your honor, he really is a hostile witness. 1.2826 0.04720 92 66 26 0
2168 Your Honor, I can prove he witnessed the vote tampering, if you'll just give me a little leeway. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2169 Can we interpret your silence as an attempt to invoke the Fifth Amendment? 1.2826 0.04845 92 69 21 2
2170 Prosecutor, stop playing with the witness. 1.2826 0.04967 92 67 24 1
2171 Your Honor, the plaintiff clearly stated 'battery required'. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2172 Your honor, this individual claims to be a bear witness of the events. 1.2826 0.04720 92 66 26 0
2173 Is it not true you then heard Ms. Goldilocks declare that, “This bed is just right?” 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2174 I would never thought they had an armchair for a teddy bear 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2175 Your honor, is this really the best witness to the « supposedly » vote fraud Trump could afford? 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2176 My client requests a short recess. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2177 Counselor, I see no way I can permit you to treat this witness as hostile. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2178 May I approach and cuddle the witness? 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2179 Your honor, please order the witness not to get cute. 1.2812 0.05066 96 71 23 2
2180 I put it to you, Mr. Bear, that your paw prints are all over this scandal 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
2181 Objection. The witness is too cute by half. 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
2182 We need to finish up, timmy needs his teddy for bed time! 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2183 I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that women, Ms. Goldilocks. 1.2809 0.05297 89 66 21 2
2184 Mr. Build-Bear—Is it your testimony that little Susie, seated in the defendant’s chair, promised to always love you for ever and ever and then reneged on her agreement? 1.2809 0.05051 89 65 23 1
2185 Your Honor, Please remind the witness that he shall not Bear false witness... 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2186 Are you denying that the porridge was too hot, sir? 1.2809 0.05297 89 66 21 2
2187 Mr. Bear, please point out the child who knocked the stuffing out of you. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2188 Being extremely huggable does not negate the evidence. 1.2809 0.05051 89 65 23 1
2189 Your honor, please bear with me with the next witness 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2190 ... and where did the accused touch you?" 1.2809 0.05051 89 65 23 1
2191 Please Mr fuzzles can I have a go? 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2192 It’s your testimony that the defendant took cookies from the cookie jar? 1.2809 0.05297 89 66 21 2
2193 We ask the court to grant this application of habeas ursus. 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
2194 Where do you want me to start... When he was two.... 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
2195 I have no questions for this witness, Your Honor. I just want to cuddle him. 1.2800 0.06169 75 57 15 3
2196 Your Honor, he may look like a big old Teddy-bear, but he's really a ruthless killer. 1.2800 0.06169 75 57 15 3
2197 Your honor and umm... y-your teddy? 1.2800 0.06169 75 57 15 3
2198 Objection! Your honor, the defense has stuffed their witness full of fluff to win the affection of the jury 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2199 Your Honor, don't let the defendant's innocent and adorable looks fool you. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2200 Were you chronically withholding with the plaintif? 1.2800 0.06169 75 57 15 3
2201 Do you actually expect the Court to believe these storybook tales? 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2202 I'm going to hand you a doll that is anatomically correct. Please show the judge where the man hid the drugs. 1.2800 0.06454 75 58 13 4
2203 I ask the judge to declare him a hospitable witness. 1.2800 0.06169 75 57 15 3
2204 Relax now, you've been judged not guilty. 1.2800 0.06169 75 57 15 3
2205 Yes, I saw him crying, but not just tonight, every night. 1.2800 0.06454 75 58 13 4
2206 Objection, witness is non responsive. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
2207 I’m fed up listening to his bear faced lies! 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2208 Your honor, this witness is unbearable. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2209 Your Honor, my client pleads the fifth with regard to alleged events on the night of the picnic in the woods 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2210 Counsel, I deny your motion and set the bail at $50,000 as your client is a risk for hibernation. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2211 No I won't pull your string for an answer. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2212 Your Honor, I fear his testimony might be "too hot" for the jury to bear. 1.2796 0.04922 93 68 24 1
2213 Your honor, I move to stroke. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2214 We'd like a brief recess, Your Honor, while we wind up the defendant.' 1.2796 0.04922 93 68 24 1
2215 Sir, the right to bear arms does not refer to hugs. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2216 Your Honor, please instruct Mr Ruxpin to answer the question. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2217 You were called here to bear witness. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2218 It appears the last witness was sitting on some key evidence. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2219 Remember,...you are under oath and sworn to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He is not responding Your Honor! 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2220 YOUR HONOR, I OBECT TO THIS WITNESS, HE IS OBVIOUSY A TOY OF THE DEFENSE 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2221 Your honor, this so called Teddy bear, did not properly perform his comforting duties. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2222 I never signed a consent form for an intraocular lens implant! 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2223 The cute and cuddly act isn't fooling anyone Mr Snugglesworth. Last chance, where are the bodies hidden? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2224 What was the first time you were sworn to secrecy as her imaginary friend? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2225 Please, Mr. Teddy. A yes or no answer. Were you not, in fact, wearing a disguise when you went into the woods that day? 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2226 Yes, your honor, I do plan to knock the stuffing out of this witness. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2227 I’m going to have to request a recess, your honor. The defendant is OBVIOUSLY in need of a nap. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2228 We respect your right to bear arms but not nudity 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2229 You swear to tell the truth, so help you Steiff? 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2230 But I take him everywhere. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2231 And do you go by a name other than Theodore Ursus? 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2232 Your honor, the witness needs a hug before responding. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2233 Your honor, may we have a short recess for nappy time? 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2234 Please tell the court, when did you last see Ms. Goldilocks? 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2235 Your Honor- permission to treat this witness as cute and fuzzy. 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
2236 I swear, Your Honor, I'm allowed to vote in this state. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
2237 Your honor, we are done with this witness. Prosecution calls Mark Wahlberg to the stand. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2238 I was asked to bear witness at this trial 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2239 I have no further cuddles. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2240 Your honor, my client will not be toyed with any longer so long as there is no sewing machine in the house. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2241 You Honor, my client, Theodore Bear, would like to plead the Fifth. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2242 Sorry, your Honor, he admits to being made in China and I just thought that might be the reason for little Bobby's freakishly high math scores. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2243 Your honor, the defendant clearly shows no remorse for his grizzly crime. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2244 Your honor, please direct the bailiff to squeeze the witness's tummy, so his answer will play for the court. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2245 Can you bear a few more questions? 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2246 As I bear witness your honor ... 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2247 Will your honor bear with me? 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2248 You can't judge me. I'm not human. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2249 At 8:30PM last night whose bed were you in? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2250 My name is Donny! They never gets it right, and I am innocent! 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2251 What do you think I am: A fly on the wall? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2252 I'm sorry, your Honor. He was the only witness to the crime. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2253 When I say bring all the witnesses available, I mean ALL of them. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2254 Guilty of snuggling. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2255 That was before, Miranda. Now you can just plead the 5th. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2256 Your Honor, I'd like to request a sidebar about this sly bear who barely answers my questions. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2257 Your Honor, may I approach the witness? I need to pull his string. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2258 Mr. Pooh, are you or are you not familiar with the honey scandal? 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2259 But your honor, with all due respect, our witness saw them dump hundreds of thousands of ballots in the river. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2260 The interpreter has been delayed in the woods, your Honor... 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2261 Your Honor, let's not plush to judgement. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2262 And is it true you came without a squeaker. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2263 Your Honour, permission to treat the witness as passive aggressive. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2264 Are you asking this Court to believe that you never heard Elvis Presley's (Let Me Your) Teddy Bear before you composed "I Got To Be Me"? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2265 We're investigating your claim that you're a Steiff heir. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2266 Your honor, since this witness will not answer the question, I hereby request to be allowed to pull his string 1.2778 0.05004 90 66 23 1
2267 So your alibi is you couldn't have committed any maulings on Thanksgiving night because you were stuffed? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2268 . Do I look like a Winnie? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2269 How many tea parties did you attend willingly? 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2270 Now show me using yourself, where did the defendant touch you 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2271 Admit it. You voted for Biden! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2272 I was Judge Judy's role model 1.2766 0.04879 94 69 24 1
2273 May the record reflect that the defendant openly offered to be taken into custody". 1.2766 0.05108 94 70 22 2
2274 A motion of contempt for recalcitrant witness. 1.2766 0.04879 94 69 24 1
2275 These accusations are as real as my client is. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2276 Your honor, now he is claiming he is Teddy Roosevelt 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2277 Sorry, but I no longer needed warm and fuzzy at bedtime. 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
2278 He's pleading the fifth, your honor 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2279 The engagement with the child was less than innocent,your honor. 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
2280 Objection, Your Honor. The witness is being non-responsive. 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
2281 What do your friends call you, Theodore? 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
2282 Bear in mind: silence gives consent 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2283 Move to strike, unresponsive. 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2284 Your honor, please instruct the witness to refrain from referring to the defendant as ‘my girl’ 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
2285 your honor, I believe this witness is prejudiced in favor of the defendant, Christopher Robbins 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
2286 only in New York baby 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
2287 Your honor, the witness is non-responsive. 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2288 And now the barely bare bear will bear witness to the barbaric beast who bears the burden of being barely bearable.... 1.2759 0.05089 87 64 22 1
2289 Yes, some judges are women. 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2290 Well, I don't know your honor. You be the judge. 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2291 Your Honor I submit that my witness cannot be declared hostile. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2292 Please tell the court where this hot porridge burned you. 1.2759 0.05345 87 65 20 2
2293 This fellow is guilty of withholding unconditional positive regard. 1.2759 0.05089 87 64 22 1
2294 Please speak up. You sound a little stuffed up. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2295 This is Ted 2 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2296 Shall I call you 'Teddy' or Mr. Ruxpin? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2297 If it please the court, I’d like to treat this bear as a hostile witness ! 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2298 She was born in captivity. 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2299 Your honor, permission to treat this witness as lovable? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2300 Permission to treat the witness as un-cuddly? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2301 That’s the sweetest pleading the fifth I’ve ever heard. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2302 So you still claim, that this was your husband, Mrs. Trump 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2303 So, Mr. Q, you're saying you had no idea the world would get so excited about your theories? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2304 What do you mean "bear false witness" your honor? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2305 Your Honor, please instruct the witness that support-toy/client privilege does not apply here. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2306 Do you, Teddimus Maximus, swear to be cute and nothing but cute? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2307 My client asserts his right to bear arms. 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2308 Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to bear witness 1.2759 0.05345 87 65 20 2
2309 I'll allow it 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2310 She wanted to cuddle when you weren’t in the mood, and then what? 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
2311 Permission to treat the witness as cuddly, Your Honor. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2312 Objection, Your Honor. Non-responsive witness. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2313 This bear is stuffed full of lies, your Honor. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
2314 Your honor, permission to squeeze the witness’ tummy for his response? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2315 Well of course the cartographer can’t hear him... she doesn’t believe hard enough. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2316 Your Honor, the defendant claims he has the right to bear arms. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2317 Your honor, permission to interrupt the witness' hibernation? 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2318 This gives me renewed faith in eyewitness testimony. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2319 He refuses to answer my questions, Your Honor. Permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2320 If he's innocent, why does he have his hands up? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2321 You honor, my client insists the way he looked at her made her feel uncomfortable. 1.2747 0.04958 91 67 23 1
2322 Do you swear to be cuddly and nothing but cuddly? 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
2323 Eventually, I'm going to make you talk." 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
2324 If your Honor will bear with me, this witness's testimony will not bear scrutiny. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2325 He doesn't look like a hostile witness to me! 1.2747 0.04958 91 67 23 1
2326 '"The defense rejects this potential juror on the grounds it may use its cuteness to influence the court" 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
2327 He says, "We got the wrong Teddy Bear - he has thousands of identical brothers and sisters." 1.2747 0.04958 91 67 23 1
2328 Your Honor, the prosecution appreciates a "bear witness" pun, but can we please check the nanny cam? 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2329 I was just walking along when I heard this noise, it sounded like this, zzzzzz and then I saw it you were strangling my mother!! 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2330 My client pleads “Not Quilty.” 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2331 So, you’ve been acquaintances with the Big Baby for quite some time now. Mr. Teddy Bear, do you have anything to say about the $750 of federal income taxes he paid during the year he won the presidency? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2332 I can confirm that the signature on my ballot matches the one on my license, your honor 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2333 You say you were stuffed by the defendant against your will? 1.2740 0.05936 73 55 16 2
2334 We know Piglet went missing the same day you had that big bacon breakfast. Now that seems like an awfully big coincidence wouldn't you say, Mr. Pooh bear? 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
2335 Come now, don't you think it's just too easy to blame my client for all your porridge, chair and bed nightmares? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2336 Your Honor, the defendant's gesture suggests he has no idea what became of plaintiff's giraffe." 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2337 Your Honor, permission to treat this bear as a hostile witness. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2338 This is a stuffed kangaroo court! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2339 Your honor, the defendant will now recall the harrowing events that occurred at Pooh Corner. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2340 I can't bear this witness. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2341 Let the record show that the witness refuses to answer. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2342 You are so full of it. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2343 My client invokes his Second Amendment right to bear arms. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2344 This IS technically a bear witness testimony. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2345 Travesty of justice, your honor? Guilty. But this bear still has a compelling story the jurors deserve to hear. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2346 Where were you when Bobby was going poopee? 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2347 Well, he tells the whole truth, when he tells anything at all. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2348 I implore you to reconsider. Does this look like the face of a killer? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2349 So it IS true you are from China isn't it, Mr Bear?! 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2350 Stop badgering the witness. 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2351 Your Honor. I object to Teddy Bear being called as a character witness for the ten-year-old defendant. 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2352 Teddy, it will be difficult for you to bear this cross examination. 1.2727 0.04636 88 66 21 1
2353 Just a simple yes or no please. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2354 Tell us where he touched you. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2355 In your own words. What happened to Goldilocks? 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2356 It’s a hot seat, your Honor. And the floor is lava. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2357 Need I remind you Teddy, that it is perjury for a bear to be a false witness. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2358 We have ways of making you talk. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2359 After Judy started crying, then what happened? 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2360 Request permission to treat him as a hostile witness your honor! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2361 He's claiming he is a victim of children abuse. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2362 It's my client's emotional support representative, your honor. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2363 Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2364 Your honor, the witness is very obviously toying with the court. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2365 Well, this is a first. I have heard people bear witness but I have never had a bear witness. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2366 I would remind Your Honor that this is a hostile witness. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2367 Before I start, I must remind you that you have the right to remain silent. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2368 Mr. Fuzzy: Were you found in the bed of an underage female on November 7,2020? 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2369 Your honor, Mr. Cuddles may have a reliable memory, but as a witness, he's just got buttons for eyes. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2370 Overruled, Counsel. It is the right to “bare arms”, not “bear arms.” 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2371 Let the record show that the witness has gestured to the defendant, when asked who committed the boo-boo. 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2372 I thought she was an intruder. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2373 Please instruct the witness to stop being cuddly. 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2374 We traced this illegal mail-in ballot to Teddy,and there are plenty more where that came from. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2375 Winnie-the-Pooh, who? 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2376 He may look soft, but inside he's full of those hard spherical beads. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2377 Who were you sleeping with the night in question? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2378 And where were you when piglet went missing 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2379 I want the truth” “You can’t BEAR the truth 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2380 Kindly tell the court when it was exactly that you felt you could no longer give hugs. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2381 For the last time: Where are Woody and Buzz? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2382 You comfortable? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2383 This is their character witness? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2384 so you admit you didn’t sign your ballot Theodore 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2385 Why the big pause in your testimony?” “I was born with them. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2386 And did you, or did you not, say “if being cuddly is a crime, sue me”? 1.2727 0.06312 66 50 14 2
2387 The witness is taking the Fifth..... 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
2388 Permission to treat the witness as hostile and cute Your Honor. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
2389 He can certify my client's cuddle appeal. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2390 Trumpy Bear on trial for his life. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2391 And den he frew me against de wall when Biden won! He made me pay for de hole in de wall. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
2392 Being a teddy bear does not excuse you from our seat belt laws! 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
2393 Isn't This A real person, miss? 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
2394 Ok Bear Dummy Up!! 1.2716 0.05559 81 61 18 2
2395 And where were you on the day the Teddy bears had their picknick? 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2396 Can you show us where the victim touched you? 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2397 Your honor, the witness's snuggle was not responsive to the question. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2398 And so your alibi is that you were allegedly cuddling at the time in question? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2399 Your Honor, I have a warrant for DNA testing of one Theodore Bear's stuffing. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2400 You accuse the defendant for abandoning you at age 40 for a hot water bottle? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2401 Now Mr Tumbles, would you please show us on yourself where the plaintiff touched you? 1.2706 0.04847 85 62 23 0
2402 Mr. Ruxpin's voicemitter is lap-activated, so if your Honor wouldn't mind.... 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2403 I can't bear witness to this. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2404 Do you promise to bear all? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2405 Your Honor, I request permission to treat this witness as hostile to becoming a full-fledged adult. 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2406 On the night in question Mr. Pooh, didn't you notice whether Piglet and Eeyore were covered in blood? 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2407 Your honor, I’m afraid the defendant is keeping their mouth sewn shut. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2408 Your Honor, I ask permission to treat this witness as adorable. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2409 Don't play the silent game with me! 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2410 Your Honor, I believe the witness is exercising its right to remain silent. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2411 Sir, are you ready to bear witness? 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2412 Let the record show that the defendant is constructed of all man-made materials. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2413 Just the facts, counsel, the bear facts. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2414 The defendant has already admitted to being stuffed and plush the night of the crime. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2415 There will be no further questions about what happens in the woods. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2416 I refuse to question this witness. He can barely speak. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2417 Is it true that you slept with the plaintiff's daughter while she was still a minor? 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2418 I wasn't cheering the Cowboys touchdown. My arms are always like this. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2419 Body language says a lot 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2420 Do you really expect us to believe that the Defendant can't be guilty because he spent the entire night in bed with you? 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2421 Cuddly doesn’t cut it in this court, Counsel. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2422 Was the defendant at home with you the entire night in question? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2423 Your honor, I request permission to question Mr. Bear as a hostile witness. 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2424 Objection Your Honor. This is obviously only bear-say. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2425 Objection, your honor. Defense is cuddling the witness. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2426 No, teddy bears can't take the Fifth. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2427 Your honor, I’d like to request a sidebear. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2428 You can’t just grin and bear it. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2429 Just the bear facts please sir 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2430 Sustained, there's no way this witness could have known who needed a snuggle. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2431 So you say you're cuddly. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2432 Come on, act your age! 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2433 Don’t just sit there looking innocent, tell her honor about your sleeping with a minor! 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2434 I withdraw the question. May I please cuddle the witness? 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2435 Now, what did you do next after you ran her off for sleeping in your bed? 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2436 I understand you're here to bear witness. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2437 "With your permission, I'd like to treat him as a hostile witness. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2438 Your Honor, please direct the witness to quit giving warm and fuzzy answers. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2439 Your Honor, this is obviously a hostile witness. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2440 Can you point to the man who beat the stuffing out of you? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2441 Your honor, please instruct the witness to look less supercilious. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2442 Permission to knock the stuffing out of this witness, your honor? 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2443 Please instruct the witness to stop being cute and answer the question. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2444 Your Honor the witness seems to be "pleading the fifth" 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2445 We object and move to stwike the wast wesponse. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2446 Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'cuddly.' 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2447 He'd like to approach the bench for a snuggle. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2448 Your Honor, I object to the unbearable cuteness of the witness. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2449 Your Honor, underneath that adorable demeanor, Teddy really is a hostile witness. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2450 Request a sidebear, Your Honor. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2451 As the organizer of the picnic you were responsible for masks and social distancing! 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2452 Objection your Honor! Everything this witness said is bearsay. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2453 Yeah that’s him, alright. He’s the one that stopped hugging me 40 years ago. 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2454 Your lawsuit claims unwanted hugging 1.2706 0.05128 85 63 21 1
2455 That's right. I was asleep the whole time. Those are the bear facts. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2456 Jail time? I’ve always wanted jail time! 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2457 Your honor, I believe my client will aways plead the fifth. 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2458 Your Honor, i say play time is over, jail time starts now for this animal! 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2459 He was the one hugging me. Apparently, all stuffed bears look alike,” stated Teddy 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2460 No, no, HE is being soft. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2461 This cannot be the way you intend to bear witness. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2462 Mr. BEAR, are you telling me that this child is responsible for breaking into your house, eatting your porridge, breaking your chair, and innocently falling asleep in your bed? 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2463 Do you hate little warm puppies? 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2464 You have the right to remain silent, but not to be so damn cute. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2465 Mr. Teddy, did you or did you not put your paw on Miss Raggedy Ann without consent? 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2466 The defendant is taking his fifth,your honor. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2467 Your honor we request a recess for snacks. 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2468 But you hid the material fact that your real name is 'Edward Ursus.' 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2469 Your Honor, I can assure the court that the teddy witnessed everything. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2470 You are the only witness to the crime and the judge has ordered you to play the tape for the jury. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2471 As his only alibi, I'm asking again: Where was Mitchell on Oct. 24th at approximately 9:15 p.m.? 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2472 Judge, Can I have a side-bear? 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2473 With respect Your Honor, I do not sign and ask for translation. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2474 For the last time you must speak louder and enunciate your answers clearly or be found in contempt of court! 1.2703 0.05543 74 55 18 1
2475 Your Honor, he's only her to testify about the bear facts. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2476 Your honour! He is here to bear witness 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2477 Your Honor, calling the President's main witness for voter fraud, Mr. T. Bear. 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2478 I know the witness isn't answering counselor, but I just can't call him "hostile". 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2479 Alright! It’s true! It was 45 years ago, but yes, I slept with the defendant. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2480 Your honor, I have a constitutional right to bear arms 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2481 Your honor, I plead that thing do be farting tho 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2482 I’m sorry. I can barely hear you. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2483 I don't believe that stuffed animals have Fifth Amendment rights. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2484 He said he was going to beat the stuffing out of you. Is that an accurate quote? 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
2485 With your permission, I'd like to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2486 Jennifer is your owner, and it is your assertation you have no idea how a dozen cases of stolen honey ended up in her bedroom? 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
2487 And Mr. T. Bear, just how many times did the defendant hug you? 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2488 I object. He's just sitting there waiting for me to play with him. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2489 Mr Stuffy then whom, pray tell, stole the cookie from the cookie jar? 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2490 My witness says he was sooooooo big 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2491 I come to bear witness 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2492 Your honor, do I have permission to cuddle the witness? 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2493 I'm declaring him a hostile witness, since he refuses to answer my questions. 1.2697 0.04731 89 65 24 0
2494 Counselor, I can barely hear the witness. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2495 All I told her was to "go stuff it." 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2496 I just didn't feel like sleeping yet, Your Honor. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2497 Help me out here. Now you're saying Today's the day? 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
2498 Don't give that innocent looking teddy bear look. We found DNA from the Cabbage Patch Doll all over your fur. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
2499 So as you can see your honor, eye witness testimony on Election Day fraud is astoundingly credible.... 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
2500 Your honour, Mr. Cuddlesworth will bring his unique experience to bear on the case. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2501 I believe I have some bad news. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2502 Permission for recess, Your Honor. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2503 I apologize for my client's nudity. He usually wears a teddy. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2504 You say you care; but what is it you actually care about? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2505 Don't play that innocent act with me. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2506 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as huggable? 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2507 So, Mr. Bear, the defendant paid you to sleep in his bed how many times? 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2508 You can't accuse the witness of being a bear-faced liar, Counsellor! 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2509 He's actually more cooperative than I had imagined. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2510 Mr.Bear, Please tell the court your given, not your nickname! 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2511 So you’re sticking to the story that your mama and papa bear accidentally broke the bed and fell into the porridge and left everything to you and Goldilocks? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2512 Not to worry. He's not capable of being hostile to either side. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2513 Ok if he raises both hands while I repeat after you?” 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2514 Your Honor, my client, Mr. Teddy Bear works nights at a carnival so he couldn't have committed the crime. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2515 Tell me Theodore. By what name are you known by the defendant? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2516 Your Honor, the plaintiff states that his porridge was not just right! 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2517 Bear witness,may it please the court. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2518 My really good friends call me Barkai Bear, so why don't you call me Mr. Bear. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2519 Your Honor, my client "Donnie" demands a recount in every blue state, for the next 100 years. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2520 Your Honor, the prosecution finds the witness’ testimony a little fuzzy. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2521 Are you, or are you not, cuddly wuddly woo? 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2522 If you are finished with my witness your honor, he would like to go back into hibernation. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2523 It appears someone has been stuffing the court. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2524 Bear with me while the bear is with you. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2525 Teddy, would you describe the defendant as a loving human? 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2526 My client did not make a cent on the sale of the 100 Acre Wood to the Royal Land Development Company. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2527 Your Honor, this bear witness does not bear witness! 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2528 Your honor, this witness can testify that my client was with him the whole night of the incident. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2529 You insist you're a bear, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy, but you have no hair. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2530 Your honor, admonish the witness to answer my question. It does not matter that he is cuddly-wuddly. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2531 You're pretty stiff for a Steiff 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2532 A teddy bear cannot be a hostile witness; they're too cute. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2533 Your Honor, this was a trusting, happy little bear before Miss 'Lock's lame-brained home invasion. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2534 Okaaay...I think this role play is getting too detailed. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2535 When did your owner began to make light of your right to bear arms? 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2536 Counsellor, in this court of law, please address all arguments to Theodore Bear, Esq. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2537 Of course I didn’t eat it! 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2538 His testimony is all fluff, your honor. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2539 And can we presume you will continue to plead the fifth on ALL my questions sir? 1.2683 0.04923 82 60 22 0
2540 He was there the whole time, your honor, and did not witness a crime. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2541 If you don’t like the verdict you can stuff it! 1.2676 0.06004 71 54 15 2
2542 Your honor, the witness's testimony has no bearing on the case. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2543 Your Honor, may I have permission to treat the witness as cuddly-wuddly? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2544 So you agree then that Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2545 But uncle Donald said I would never be arrested for planting the evidence on the Biden kid 1.2674 0.06282 86 69 11 6
2546 Just the facts, please. Just the bare facts. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2547 He's exercising his right to keep silent. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2548 Your Honor, the first chair was too big. The second chair was too small. This chair is just right. No further questions. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2549 Yes, I can handle the truth. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2550 Your honor - request permission to treat as a hostile witness. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2551 She won't cuddle anymore. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2552 This seems ridiculous. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2553 Permission to treat the witness as warm and cuddly? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2554 Did you or did you not eat all of the porridge? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2555 Can you show where at on the human you were touched? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2556 Agreed, counselor, I will recuse myself as I did, in fact, recently sleep with the witness. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2557 I can bearly hear you. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2558 Can you show us where the little boy touched you. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2559 Your honour my client is not guilty of giving too many cuddles. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2560 I had to kill him. He said my head was full of stuffing. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2561 Your honor, I request permission to treat this witness as cuddly. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2562 In law school, I had a different understanding of "bear witness." 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2563 Your honor, I suspect witness tampering. His pockets are stuffed. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2564 You can’t bear the truth! 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2565 Your defense is if we don't need to wear masks, why should you need to wear clothes? 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2566 Your Honor, I find the witness both uncooperative and unplayful 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2567 Mr. Ted D. Bear, the bees have accused you unlawful honey theft and nefarious activity, how do you respond to that? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2568 I just have one last question: can I please hold you for just a minute? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2569 Motion to give the defendant a widdle hug is denied. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2570 Will your Honor please instruct the witness to stop being so cute answering my questions. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2571 Please stop saying ‘Those are the bear facts!’ 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2572 And now, please describe in your own words what happened next after the defendant said he was going to “put you away for good.” 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2573 ...I know this is hard.... but please tell the court when did you first notice your friend the pink elephant missing... 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2574 You’ see, Judge, the thing is, I’m the only one who understands him...and he’s the only one who understand me. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2575 He was going to replace me with videogames! I did what any teddy bear with dignity would do, I kidnapped my human! 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2576 Request permission to treat as a hostile witness. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2577 I see...and where exactly was this picnic 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2578 No, I don't want a cuddle. Besides, I'm the one asking the questions. 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
2579 Paddington Station? 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
2580 Yes, Your Honor. You will hear no puns from me. 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
2581 But I've always held meetings in the bedroom, naked. 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
2582 Can you show me where, exactly, your child touched you? 1.2667 0.04947 90 67 22 1
2583 You expect the court to believe you don't the whereabouts of Christopher Robin? 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
2584 No, Mr. Bear, you may not invoke the 5th. All counsel is asking is: “Do your handmade associates refer to you as ‘Teddy,’ ‘Ted,’ or ‘Plush’ - as the defendant alleges.” 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2585 I had to kill her, you see. She ate my porridge and wouldn't leave my bed... 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
2586 Your Honor, it appears unbearably stuffy in here. 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
2587 And can anyone vouch for your whereabouts the night he jumped out of his crib? 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2588 He's full of it, your Honor. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2589 Your honnor, permission to treat the AI nany cam as a hostile witness? 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2590 " So, tell the court Mr. Baby Bear: exactly when did this alleged chair breaking supposedly occur?" 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2591 I can't bear to cross exam him. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2592 Since the witness refuses to be cuddled I have no further questions your honor. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2593 Don't play cute with me. Answer the question! 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2594 Your Honor, can you please instruct the witness to put some clothes on? 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2595 Why did you want to avoid the regular bus stop? 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2596 Yeah, pretty good thanks. Yourself? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2597 Mam...Everyone, including my client, has the right to bear arms 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2598 Can you describe for this court how cute is just too cute? 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2599 And you admit you were in charge of security for the victim 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2600 'You're stuffed.' 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2601 Is it true, you've been sleeping with the defendant? 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2602 Teddy’ s not my real name, it’s an alias. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2603 It’s an obvious ploy to discourage social distancing and spread disease! 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2604 You do realize that you have put yourself in a hairy situation.....? 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2605 Your Honor, the witness is clearly speechless. 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2606 Your Honor, the witness is requesting a brief recess for a hug. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2607 I’m sorry but this is an unbearable witness. 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2608 Your Honor, I rest my Teddybear. 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2609 He did what in the woods? 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2610 I will ascertain that witness, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy, is devoid of moral fiber. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2611 Your honor, I assure you that Teddybear Bundy killed those dolls in cold fuzz. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2612 Teddy, you no longer have a right to remain silent. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2613 So you’re certain that every bear that ever there was was gathered there. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2614 My client refuses to testify until you address him as Theodore. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2615 Yes! She did sleep in my bed! 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2616 We pray the Court admonish witness to not answer every question with,"POO." 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2617 Your honor, I believe the witness saw the whole thing! 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2618 Your Honor, I'm desperate, he treats me really bad... I can't bear Teddy anymore... 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2619 Objection! Stop coddling the witness 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2620 The defendant does not need to break for lunch: he's stuffed. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2621 You can’t say no to those eyes. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2622 I swear that I’m telling the truth; I did not take your blankey! 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2623 Requesting permission to treat the witness as a lifeless teddy bear, your honor. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2624 Your honor, Mr. Buxburry can’t be held responsible for the contents caught on video, when said camera was shoved into his stuffing against his own will! 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2625 Yes, the name is Amy Coney BEARet. No relation. 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2626 I’m going to move to strike that answer as non-responsive. 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2627 And youre claiming there was no federal funding used for the tea party? 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2628 I believe the witness has made it clear that he was ‘in the shower.’ #legallyblonde 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2629 Show on yourself where the bad man touched you 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
2630 Is charmin ultra soft your only line of business” “your honor this witness is being hostile 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2631 His face says it all, Your Honor. The defendant presents a clear and present danger. 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
2632 His name's not Teddy! It's Betty. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
2633 And, on the night of the election, did either Eric or Don Jr ask permission before hugging you? 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
2634 Where were you on the night of Mr. Cuddles disappearance. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2635 so you have witnessed the president sleeping during the whole corona crisis? 1.2644 0.05029 87 65 21 1
2636 SPILL IT TEDDY, WE KNOW YOU SEE EVERYTHING! 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
2637 Your honor, the Court wishes to prove that the accused is a threadbare imitation of a former President of the United States 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
2638 Really? I barely know her. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
2639 Could you speak up? Your growl is a little steiff-led." 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2640 Can I have the Court's permission to treat the witness as less than hostile? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2641 He no longer comforts me. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2642 Have you had any kind of normal relations since little Suzy scalded off your genitals at her hellish “tea party”? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2643 Your Honour, the witness is the great great grandson of the former President of the United States. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2644 The question, your honor, is not whether Fuzzy Wizzy had no hair but that he wasn’t fuzzy, was he? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2645 Your Honor. The bear seems to be giving us the silent treatment. What should I do? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2646 Do you prefer ‘Teddy’ or “Mr. Teddy? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2647 As you can see, your honor, my client is innocent. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2648 Silence, huh? Your honor, permission to question as a hostile witness. 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2649 No, Your Honor, we cannot locate the porridge. Apparently it's been eaten all up. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2650 It's the paws that give pause. Honey talks. 1.2625 0.04950 80 59 21 0
2651 Permission to treat the witness as a chew toy. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2652 And when did he start beating the stuffing out of you, Ted? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2653 And remember Mr. Bear, you are under oath. Did you steal the judge's eyes? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2654 Did you or did you not register to vote as a Republican in Pennsylvania? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2655 Is it true that your name is Theodore, AKA Teddy? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2656 My client pleads not guilty to the charge of organizing a non-socially distanced picnic. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2657 He was a "bad teddy" from the day I got him in 1935. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2658 Isn't it true that you opened the pantry door, consumed the jar of honey, and absconded with the toy giraffe? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2659 But Your Honor, Facebook has assured me this is the key witness to get to the bottom of this. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2660 No, your Honor, I don't want to hold him......I want him HELD in contempt. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2661 Your honor: my client, Mr. Goose, states that the defendant's trademark cuddliness is in fact stolen property. 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2662 Permission to treat the witness as soft and fuzzy? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2663 Did he bear witess? No, but he is a bear witness. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2664 Your honor the defense requests a time out. 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2665 What is this, a teddy bear court? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2666 I’m well aware of the witness protection program, your Honor, but this is ridiculous! 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2667 Mr. Pooh, Woozle testified you said that; 'Heffalump is better than none', isn't that true? 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2668 Your Honor, I must recuse myself. Teddy is...Teddy looks just like...my Boo Boo Bear. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2669 So what time was it when you last saw Paddington? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2670 Your honor, my client had no intention of ever sleeping with underage girls 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2671 The truth? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2672 I plead the Stitch! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2673 Your honor,please direct the witness to answer. It’s being unresponsive. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2674 I find it very hard to believe that you were "all bear" prior to your employment in the fabric softener business. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2675 If the bear don't commit, you can't convict! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2676 I'm sorry, but I don't believe you, Sweetie! 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2677 I agree that he's as cute as the dickens, your honor, but I still insist he answer the question. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2678 The defendant claims he’s been framed by someone named Goldilocks. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2679 And when did you realize Timmy was trying to unstuff you? 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2680 You can't handle the truth! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2681 So I told them I couldn't possibly have eaten their porridge because I was stuffed, but they still went with the little blonde girl's story. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2682 I'll ask you one more time Mr. Corduroy: were you, or were you not bearing arms? 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2683 What is a Teddy cam ? 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2684 He continues to plead the Fifth, Your Honor. 1.2619 0.04826 84 62 22 0
2685 Can you tell the court where the defendant touched you? 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2686 Objection, your honor. Cartoon character evidence. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2687 Your Honor, since the prosecution called a stool pigeon to the stand, the defense is bringing forward our own stool expert: the Charmin bear 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2688 The second amendment does not apply to prey. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2689 I assure you I can be tough with or without Boo-Boo. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2690 If the bear sits, you must acquit!" Brain Shotland, Longmeadow, MA 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2691 The defense rests...with the witness and some warm milk. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2692 Where were you on Dec. 25th, 1985, when all I wanted was a teddy bear. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2693 Your honor, in my clients defense, he was the one who defeated the dragon in playtime today with Timmy, not Danny the dinosaur. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2694 Your Honor; permission to treat this bear as an adorable, huggable witness. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2695 Order the witness to answer the question, your honor 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2696 Let's face it, if trump can run for president than so can he! 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2697 Your honor, notice his multiple stitches. He has obviously been neglected 1.2619 0.04972 84 65 17 2
2698 All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good bears to say nothing! 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2699 Your honor, this is my client's 'childhood-character' witness. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2700 My client is innocent your honor, regardless of his vacant stare. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2701 And then what did she do with the stuffing? 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2702 ...but the question stands: Who took the picnic basket? 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2703 My god there was fluff everywhere. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2704 Your honor, I meant that the ‘defense rests their argument’. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2705 Your honor, I would like your permission to treat Mr. Snuggles as a hostile witness 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2706 You can’t handle the cuddles!!! 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2707 Your honor, as my client has made clear, he can bearly remember that night. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2708 Permission to approach and snuggle the witness? 1.2614 0.04980 88 66 21 1
2709 Yes, you're cuddly, but you still have to answer the question! 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2710 Your honor, I'd like to squeeze the defendant for answers 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
2711 Counselor I advise you to speed up your closing arguments your client will soon be going into hibernation. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2712 You cannot accuse him of being too soft! 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
2713 Judge, this defense witness is unresponsive. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
2714 I'd like to bear witness 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2715 Teddy Ruxpin couldn't answer the questions, because his responses were pre-recorded and inserted into his tape deck. 1.2609 0.06738 69 55 10 4
2716 Can you show the court where the child touched you? 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2717 Your honor, I would like to disqualify the witness as his arms are too short to pull the cord necessary for sworn testimony. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2718 And are you a good friend of Chucky? 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2719 Ask me anything 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2720 And did you, bear, witness baby Timmy eating Daddy’s ballot? 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2721 Permission to cuddle the teddy? 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
2722 Your Honor, this is a clear case of witness cuddling. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2723 Permission to treat the witness as hostilely cute. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2724 Please tell this court when the plaintiff told you to stuff it. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2725 Let the record show that little Susie did not get explicit, verbal, uncoerced consent before snuggling the victim. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2726 Your honor, protection intends to show that this disgruntled Toy Story reject maliciously sent ransomware to the studio. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2727 I'm prepared to treat this as a material witness. 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2728 Your honor, the defense rests (after milk and cookies). 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2729 M-fffth! Mmfth! 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2730 Your honor, request permission to treat this witness as stuffed. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2731 I am giving you the bear facts! 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2732 I object! Nothing in the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure prohibits witnessing false bears!" 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2733 ...and how much did you love the victim? 1.2593 0.04739 81 62 18 1
2734 Don't play innocent with Judge Amy 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2735 My clinet was told he would have to 'bear witness' to the defendent's crimes, your honor 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2736 Your Honor. Do understand. My client has spent most of his existence in the closet. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2737 Did you bear witness to these crimes? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2738 And what did you reply to the question. How much do you love me? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2739 Your honour, permission requested to treat as a hostile witness. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2740 It’s a yes or no question. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2741 So you claim Disney called you unbearable and fired you from " your position? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2742 Counselor, please stop toying with the witness. 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2743 Don't give me that innocent shrug. We know you were the last one seen with the Lindbergh boy. 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2744 If you think he's innocent, then you take him home. 1.2593 0.04900 81 60 21 0
2745 Was it actual thumb sucking or merely thumb nuzzling? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2746 I object your honor due to my client's right to bear arms. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2747 Judge Ginsberg, Give me a break ! That's a white bear ! 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2748 You deny that you ate the turkey, yet you say you're stuffed? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2749 These days? Sure. She's qualified. 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2750 Would you tell the court, please, what the president said in his sleep. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2751 May I submit your honor this Teddy is completely unresponsive and naked? 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2752 Now,Teddy,using this nice lady,can you show us what the defendant did? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2753 She used to practise her gavel on my belly button. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2754 No counselor, what I said was , can you present anyone who can "Bare Witness" to the events in this case. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2755 Witness #4. Name: Theodore Bear. Age: 3 days old. Birthplace: Build a Bear, White Planes 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2756 Your Honor, the people request permission to treat the witness as adorable. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2757 Your honor, I request permission to snuggle the witness. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2758 He was on your witness list counselor, Mr. Ted D. Bear 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2759 Your honor,this case is all about the right to bear arms. 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2760 No further questions for Mr. Teddy Bear, Your Honor. I now wish to call Ms. Rubber Ducky to the witness stand. 1.2593 0.04900 81 60 21 0
2761 I will ask you one more time: what did you do to Barbie?" 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2762 Oh, my, would you like to tell us another bedtime story...? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2763 Counselor, please stop responding to every statement by the defendant as "Awww, that's so cute!". 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2764 It looks like the President left something behind. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2765 The burden of proof is yours to Teddy bear. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2766 I was asleep, but the camera they put in me saw the whole thing. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2767 After the political dinnertime debate in question what happened next?" "I can't remember, I was stuffed! 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2768 No more questions your honour, the jury has had enough of his childish declarations 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2769 And isn’t it right Mr Bear that you couldn’t see the ballots from your position? 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2770 Bear with me, Your Honor, the cold, hard truth will prevail. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2771 Yes, the said that if I didn’t squeeze the toilet paper and giggle, I wouldn’t get the job. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2772 And you are telling us that you saw those ballots being dumped in the river? 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2773 Stuffed with filling? OR BALLOTS??! 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2774 We spoken to every bear that ever there was, not one of them remembers seeing you at that picnic" 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2775 Your Honor, a DNA test was deemed a waste of taxpayer dollars. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2776 Your honor, what law states that my client cannot change his name from Teddy to Hugo? 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2777 Was it you, Mr. Teddums, who brought the cake knife to the picnic? 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2778 We’re not going to ask you again, what did you do with Timmy? 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2779 And so, your Honor, I believe that the defendant's threat to "kick the stuffing" out of this witness should be taken as a death threat. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2780 Tell the court how many stitches were required after the abuse. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2781 He may have trouble identifying the suspect. We just sewed his eyes back in." 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2782 Your Honor, just look at him. He couldn't hurt a fly! 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2783 Your Honor, permission to treat this witness as stuffed. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2784 Goldilocks had it coming your honour, that's all I gotta say 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2785 Your honor my client is here to emancipate from momma and papa bear 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2786 You shared a bed with Snuggle Bunny for 12 years and you want us to believe it was platonic? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2787 Please direct the defendant, Mr. Squishy to answer the question, your honor.... 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2788 Judge, tell the lady to back off, this is no teddy bears picnic 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
2789 We believe she is being unfairly accused of not providing enough comfort to her owner. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2790 Your honor, my client insists she maintains the right to bear arms. 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
2791 Permission to treat as a hostile witness your honor? 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2792 Ok, now the president sends his Teady. No there won’t be a recount. Your daddy loses! 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
2793 Lying under oath is perjury, Mr. Snuffles. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2794 Your honour, the defendant is clearly guilty of battery. I can see their zipper from here. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2795 No your honor, I do not need to wait for an interpreter to cross examine this witness. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2796 My client maintains that being provided with an armchair is a cultural right Your Honor and the only way he can address the court" 1.2564 0.04976 78 58 20 0
2797 Yes, Your Honor. I have already informed Mr. Teddy that he can only plead Not Guilty during the free 30 day trial, after which he must change his plea to guilty or no contest or charge it two his credit card. 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
2798 So how long have you served as Fat Louie's avatar? 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
2799 Can I have another witness? This one is not cooperating. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2800 He's sworn to bear witness in this case. 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
2801 I can't handle the truth", your Honor 1.2564 0.04976 78 58 20 0
2802 It was clear that this witness would be difficult. He sat with a glassy eyes and said nothing. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2803 Testimony from a Button-Eyed witnesses is inadmissible!” 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2804 It’s starting to feel a little stuffy in here 1.2564 0.04976 78 58 20 0
2805 Are you claiming it was not you who wet the bed, Mr. Teddy? 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2806 I’m sorry sir, but will you speak up so the jury can hear you? 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
2807 Yes, you do have a right to bear arms! 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2808 I was asked to bear witness to what happened 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2809 You’re saying The Teddy knows when the the judge is wearing a teddy under her robe...? 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2810 Your Honor, my client, the grandson of the late, great Smoky, is prepared to attest that only a Federal judge such as you can order the governor of California to prevent forest fires and quit stinking up the rest of the country. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2811 Let the record reflect the witness is holding his hands as far apart as he possibly can to express how much he loves to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2812 And where were you on the night of - oh, pick any night... 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2813 He's better than Trump, right? 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2814 Your honor, it is apparent. Mr. Bear is quite full of it. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2815 And how did this make you feel, that you were a prize from the bottom shelf? 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2816 Both Puff and I saw that Humpty was pushed." 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2817 I ask that the Court take into consideration my client's traumatic childhood, during which he was dragged around by one ear in the presence of very peculiar animals 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
2818 The prosecution rests, wishing to file a motion for temporary custody. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2819 You stand accused of stuffing the ballot box 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2820 Your Honor, I wish to address him as a hostile witness. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2821 The defense helps me rest. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2822 Your Honor, does this look like the face of a hardened criminal? 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2823 Please excuse my client's profanity,he's only passionate about the truth,your honor. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2824 Bear in mind you are under oath. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2825 And they thought "Toy Story" was just fiction. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2826 Teddy, or is it Theodore...? 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2827 I swear I didn’t see that monster, I couldn’t save the child... 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2828 And how long exactly did Mr. Timmy keep you in this attic? 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2829 Sir is the canine in question in this courtroom today? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2830 Your Honor, he is clearly just claiming to be endangered to increase his resale value. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2831 There wasn’t anyone with the name ‘Ted E. Bear’ registered! Care to explain? 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2832 This gives new meaning to "bear witness". 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2833 And is it your testimony that the name of the defendant is Smokey Bear or Smokey THE Bear? 1.2558 0.06230 86 70 10 6
2834 Your Honor, I'd like to declare Pooky a hostile witness. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2835 Did you bear witness to events of that day? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2836 But Your Honor, the witness is bearly credible. 1.2533 0.05400 75 57 17 1
2837 Your Honor, permission to toy with the witness? 1.2532 0.04923 79 59 20 0
2838 Bear with me your honor. I'm going to knock the stuffing out of this witness. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2839 So your saying that this was your favorite Vice President when you were a kid 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2840 Did you or did you not use your cuteness to make the plaintiff buy you? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2841 Answer my question, Or I'll beat the stuffing out of you 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2842 I couldn't find a kangaroo. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2843 I hate to ask this, but I request that he treated as a hostile witness. 1.2532 0.04923 79 59 20 0
2844 And exactly how did you make Donald feel like he could do anything? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2845 We know that you were the last one to see Christopher Robin. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2846 Are you serious? How am I supposed to cross examine a nanny cam? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2847 Please stop cuddling, I mean coddling the witness. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2848 So, at least you should pay Goldilocks psychiatrist's fee. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2849 Well, if you are not willing to testify, you'll have to return to your seat! 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2850 Mind if I call you Ted ? 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2851 No, you don't immunity as her therapist. What did she tell you? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2852 Can you tell me, Mr. Bear, where you were on the night of January 11 at bedtime? 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2853 Only guilty people take the Fifth, Theodore! 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2854 Your honor, the witness wants a hug. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2855 No elaboration! Just the bear facts. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2856 Your honor, my client requests an adjournment because today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2857 I'm sorry, Your Honor, but he is not even bearly credible. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2858 Please explain what you saw next after discovering the empty cereal bowl and broken chair. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2859 Your Honor, just because he’s cute and cuddly doesn’t mean he’s not guilty of stealing the defendants affections! 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2860 Your Honor, the state requests permission to recognize the witness as adorable. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2861 He says he pleads the 5th and his lips are sealed. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2862 Your honor, please instruct the witness to stop following me with his eyes 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2863 Let the record show that Fuzzy Wuzzy admits he cast not one but two ballots. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2864 But what's wrong about loving another Teddy Bear? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2865 And what did you do when little Suzie said she loved you? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2866 And exactly WHERE does a bear shit in the woods? 1.2532 0.06853 79 66 6 7
2867 Let the record state that "Teddy" is pleading the fifth amendment. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2868 I know he doesn't look like a murderer, but we got a positive match on the stuffing. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2869 The Pooh? You can't handle the Pooh! 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2870 Your honor, we are alleging that Fuzzy Wuzzy is actually NOT a bear. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2871 Your honor, I know the prosecution is concerned about the stuffing of ballots, but I think this expert's knowledge is a bit niche. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2872 I have no further cuddles for this witness, your honor. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2873 There is no way I winked at her your honor, my eyes are buttons. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2874 The defendant claims Andy was not present at the time 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2875 For the last time, you can put your arms down, you are not under arrest. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2876 I’d use one of the kids, but they are doing remote learning in the living room. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2877 And you say it was you who read Hunter Biden’s laptop. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2878 His vote will be counted 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2879 ‘Mr Snuggles you have been accused by your owner Donald for not voting for him’ 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2880 How convenient that Mr. Ruxpin chooses now to stop talking. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2881 The witness has said to have observed voter fraud. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2882 'Please show on the human where the defendant touched you.' 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2883 #How long did you work for Snuggle?” 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2884 Permission to treat the witness as stuffed." 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2885 My client is exercising his Fifth Amendment Right to remain silent. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2886 I suggest this is a hostile witness. 1.2530 0.05098 83 63 19 1
2887 That sounds like just a lot of stuffing to me. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2888 Can you show me on yourself where the defendant touched you? 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2889 We just want the bare truth! 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2890 Not the HONEY, Teddy! Where’s the MONEY 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2891 Your Honor, the witnesses responses are childish and pedantic. May I suggest you send this supposed "teddy bear" home to bed early.... 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2892 Yeah, but just bearly 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2893 The Court finds the witness qualified, albeit bearly. 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2894 Permission to treat this witness as hostile, your Honor." Stephen Clark, Richmond, Va 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2895 Your honor, the witness has a flawed understanding of recess in this court 1.2530 0.05098 83 63 19 1
2896 how do you declare yourself? -Mmm... cute? 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2897 Get your bearings straight! 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2898 Your Honor, I would like to bring some facts to bear. 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2899 His silence speaks volumes. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2900 He is, indeed, a cute witness, but that doesn't make void his paw prints on the honey jar. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2901 The witness can pooh-pooh these proceedings all he wants,but he will answer the question 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2902 So, isn't it true that your only previous experience testifying as an expert witness was on a Captain Kangaroo court? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2903 Show us on yourself where the defendant hit the victim. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2904 How can I question him? I don't speak bear 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2905 Wildfires killed my Daddy Smokey! 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2906 Something tells me you’re not as impartial a witness as counsel wishes us to believe, are you Mr. Bear? 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2907 Do you deny you were in the bedroom at 10 PM on the evening in question? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2908 Does Donald Trump sleep in Boxers or Briefs? 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2909 Don't let his cute, innocent demeanor fool you; he's a cold-blooded killer! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2910 Objection, your honor. ‘I love you’ is not a yes or no answer. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2911 Your honor, questioning a stuffed animal is one thing, but referring to him as Theodore is quite another 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2912 Admit it! You were sleeping with the defendant's wife. 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
2913 I have a list here of a hundred witnesses that place the defendant at the picnic at the time of the murder." 1.2500 0.04872 80 60 20 0
2914 Your Honor, I wanted to show a teddy as evidence, Not as a witness. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2915 Your honor, please instruct the witness to answer my questions instead of just throwing up his arms. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2916 Nothing but the bear facts, please. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2917 I’m innocent I tell you! I’m bare handed! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2918 Stuff your objection. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2919 Your honor,permission to treat snuggles as a hostile witness. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2920 Would your honor please instruct the witness to answer my questions. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2921 I hereby submit Polaroids of Your Honor canoodling the defendant. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2922 Let the record show that the witness is adorable and cuddly-wuddly. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2923 Up in arms,Teddy? Enough with the histrionics. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2924 Your honor, my client pleads the fluffth. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2925 The defendant willfully and maliciously knocked the stuffing out of my client. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2926 Now you understand that you’re here to bear witness”. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2927 Despite being very adorable, Ms Maguire, your witness doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of the issue before the Court, how and why did the honey pot come to be broken . 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2928 Your Honor, we can't bear this any longer. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2929 It's time to reveal your true identity. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2930 Mr. Teddy Bear, is it true you held a picnic with several other bears where you gaily gad about and played hide and seek and none of you wore masks?" 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2931 How much stuffing did he beat out of you? 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2932 Is the box of assorted chocolates in the courtroom today? 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2933 The evidence is inadmissible! Anyone can see that with my client there are no grounds for probably claws. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2934 Show me on yourself where that man touched you. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2935 Judge, permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2936 She claims someone on the White House staff touched her... 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2937 Tell the Court why you believe Goldilocks eat your lunch 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2938 Maybe he broke into the house to sleep with their child. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2939 Teddy, you look stuffed. Would you like to take a break? 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2940 I’m sorry you had an overbearing father, but that’s no excuse for what you’ve done. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2941 It's yogi bear you should be worried about. Not my client BOO BOO 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2942 Your honor, if this is the best the defendant can do for a a witness, we have to assume he is guilty. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2943 Therefore T.B., you must nod or squeak to verify that you are invoking the Fifth. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2944 I object, your Honor, "forbearance" is not an acceptable argument in this case. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2945 I'm sorry but snuggles the bear cannot be a character witness for President Trump! 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2946 ''Exactly when did you take the honey, Mr Pooh?' is a leading question.' 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2947 No, counsel. A teddy bear is not acceptable as a character witness. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2948 Stop the counting! Teddy’s ballot was thrown in the trash. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2949 This is the bare bear necessity... 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2950 Counsel requests permission to curl up in a fetal position and cuddle the witness. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2951 Now, if you'll jut bear with me... 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2952 Your Honor, I’d like to request a recess so that the defendant can go home and get some pants. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2953 You don't have standing! 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2954 Please tell the court exactly what happened the last time you saw Christopher Robin 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2955 Your honor, he’s full of fluff! 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2956 Your Honor, I would like to treat the witness as cuddly? 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2957 In your own words please describe the events at Little Lisa's Tea Party and why you acted the way you did. 1.2500 0.05139 72 54 18 0
2958 So you view remote learning as cruel and unusual punishment?" 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2959 Let the record show, your honor, that the defendant is NOT a great big teddy bear as opposing counsel has claimed. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2960 Your honor,my client invokes his Fifth Amendment right to remain silent. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2961 And when did you first realize that,instead of a "teddy bears' picnic,that the event you were attending was,in fact,an anything-goes sex party? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2962 Permission, Your Honor, to treat my client's teddy bear, Gershwin, as a hostile witness. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2963 He says he won't talk without Jeff Dunham. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2964 Counsel, did you say, "bear witness?" 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2965 You may step down. Calling next witness: The Little Engine that Could. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2966 Spill the beans, baby. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2967 And please show us where he touched him? 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2968 There’s no precedent for Pooh. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2969 My client requests to hold a human for comfort. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2970 He's clearly bearing false witness. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2971 Your honour, this is the Toy. We're still locating the President's Pram. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2972 Uh-oh, maybe I went too far. Your honor, permission to hug the defendant? 1.2500 0.06077 84 68 11 5
2973 Your Honor, We will prove without any doubt that this Teddy Bear cast over 100,000 votes in Pennsylvania. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2974 Answer the question, Mr. Ruxpin. Is that your voice on the tape or not? And may I remind you, you’re under oath 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2975 So, this is how I die. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2976 I have the right to bear arms! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2977 Let the record show that the witness has stated that her name as 'Polixeni Effie Koufos-Panselinos' and not 'Teddy.' 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2978 My client exercises his right to remain silent 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2979 And when did you first encounter Mark Wahlberg? 1.2469 0.05131 81 62 18 1
2980 Your Honor, please order the witness to tuck in his care tag. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2981 Your Honor, this witness was used for therapy but can no longer bear that burden of proof. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2982 I don’t need cross examination practice, Mom. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2983 My client, your Honor, claims the right to be her own support animal." 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2984 Is this the only person the prosecution could find to bear witness to the allegations? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2985 I might have sampled the porridge Your Honor, but negligent and reckless destruction of property? Never!" 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2986 I'd like to state for the record that the defendant is exceptionally snuggly- wuggly. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2987 I guess a Teddy Bear deserves a chair 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2988 Tell us in your own words what your uncle did to Buzz Lightyear 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2989 Hey, lady! How should I know? I’m not a rat, I’m his freakin’ teddy bear. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2990 Permission to treat the witness as hostile, Mom...I mean, your honor. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2991 Yogi has been barely keeping it together after the thief stole his favorite hat and tie.” 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2992 Not Pooh. P-O-O, Poo! NOW! 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2993 Permission to treat Mr. Cuddles as hostile? 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
2994 Are you now, or have you ever been a member of Antifa? 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2995 Your Honor, May I treat Mr Theodore Beir as a hostile witness since has not responded to any of my questions? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2996 Don’t get cute with this court, Mr. Baer. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2997 In closing, it was simply not possible that Snuggles could have been with Unicorn on that night. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2998 Sure, they were naive. Innocent. Too young to get married. But they both said "I do," then the defendant went of to boarding school and my client went from cuddled to cuckold. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2999 No, it obviously wasn't me that set the forest fires! I'm the one that's trying to prevent them! 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3000 Didn't expect to see your ex today did you? Well I think you holding that thin piece of paper make you look fat. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
3001 I know this is unorthodox, but I would like to remind the court that I am the absolute worst fucking attorney on Earth. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3002 Your honor, I must vehemently object to the characterization of my client as "Winnie THE POOH". 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3003 So you’re exercising your right to Bear Arms... 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3004 Your Honor, this witness is unbearable. I motion to dismiss Mr. Snuggles testimony immediately. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3005 So...what did you see? 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
3006 And where were you on the night little Billy wet his bed? 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3007 I'd like to treat the witness as adorable. 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
3008 Show us on your body exactly where he touched you. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3009 My client is LGBTQNeuter and has been discriminated against with a design that lacks sexual parts. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3010 Your honor, I would like to bear my next witness: Mr Snuffles. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3011 But, your honor, teddy bears can't purposefully pass a virus. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3012 Now bear with me your Honor, my client refuses to bear witness on the grounds he is not a real bear...but might reconsider if the the bare facts will reduce his sentence. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3013 Counselor, you may not badger the besr. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
3014 Your honor. It is clear the witness is biased in favor of his whoever hugs him hardest. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3015 Your Honor he is too cute to be a reliable witness. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3016 Your Honor, can you please direct the witness to answer the question? 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3017 Yes or no: didn't you ask her to put a chain around your neck and lead you anywhere? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3018 Your Honor, I’d like permission to treat him as a hostile witness. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3019 Let the record show the witness has never met Mitch McConnell 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
3020 Your honor, we call our next witness to our claim of election fraud, Mr. Theodore Bear. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3021 It's a simple question, Teddy. Did you, or did you not, see Tommy throw a pillow at Mary? 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3022 I'd like to cross-stitch-examine the witness, your honor. 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
3023 You’re a teddy bear! Do you understand? A teddy bear! Not Teddy Roosevelt! There’s a difference! 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3024 Your Honor, I object to any recess. The witness is clearly faking hibernation. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3025 Quit giving me that "Who shot John look" and answer the question. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3026 ‘Web-cam’ teddy demands to be represented by Winnie-the-poo! 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3027 How many times did you vote? 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3028 And how big was this shefalump compared to eeyore? 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
3029 The WHOLE truth - - even the hugging under the blankets. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3030 A Priest, a Rabbi, a Minister and a Teddy Bear walk into a Bar. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3031 Your honor,my client can’t find the right words. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3032 Your honor the prosecution requests that we be allowed to treat Mr. Bear as an adorable witness. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3033 I did it, ok!? I cannot bear to it any longer 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3034 So this is your only rebuttal eye witness? 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
3035 Let it be stated that the witness chose to remain silent. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3036 he demands a re-count too. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3037 Permission to add a cute hat and a scarf your honor? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3038 As you can see your Honor, you can build a bear but you can't build an alibi. 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
3039 This isn’t a funhouse. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3040 How do you know the defendant was trying to mug you? You look cuddly with your paws up. 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
3041 'Great first a hostile witness... Now a hibernating witness' 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3042 Your honor, this is badgering! 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3043 i can’t bear such consequences, Supreme Teddy 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3044 The ballot box was stuffed, you say? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3045 He is smarter than sooo many people right now and has a lot to say 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3046 You say your person left you in the park 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3047 Where were you on the night in question when your child cried for several hours? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3048 What did you mean when you said grin and bear it ? 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3049 . “... and where else did he touch you?” 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3050 Do I have to remind you that you’re under oath? 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3051 The jury finds the defendant guilty on thirty-six charges of first degree murder. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
3052 How long he’ll hibernate this time? Frankly, your honor, your guess is as good as mine. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3053 Not sure the teddy bear for social distancing is suitable in this case? 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3054 Your honor, that's a bear faced lie! 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
3055 The defendant was obviously asking to be groped and cuddled by the way she was stuffed, your Honor 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
3056 Your Honor, the only other person who corroborates his story is the mailman 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
3057 You are charged with a lack of 'soft and cuddly'. How do you plead? 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3058 Do you recall seeing your kid eating ice cream under the covers in the middle of the night? 1.2464 0.05225 69 52 17 0
3059 Your honor, the witness is representing Mr Trump. May I proceed? . 1.2464 0.05225 69 52 17 0
3060 Your Honor, I ask to consider this a huggable witness." 1.2464 0.05225 69 52 17 0
3061 No further questions, Mommy—I mean, Your Honor. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3062 Your Honor, request permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3063 Your Honor, I was hoping you'd rule, 'not guilty because teddy bears do these things.' My apologies to you and the late, great Charles Barsotti." 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3064 Their insanity plea might actually make sense. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3065 So go ahead, sue me! 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3066 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as a hostile bear? 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3067 And then they called you "too cute," didn't they? May I remind the witness he is under oath. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
3068 Yes your honor I get it, but the charges stand. Capital murder is no joke 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
3069 Irrelevant, your honor? The witness is nude! 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
3070 Your honor me torre! 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
3071 For the court record, Bear, tell us how do you identify yourself sexually? 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
3072 All he did was growl at me, sleep and spend our money on honey.. I just couldn’t bear it anymore. So I stuffed him. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
3073 And who was sleeping in your bed? 1.2444 0.04822 90 69 20 1
3074 I would like to treat him as a hostile witness your honor. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
3075 Why do you feel Mr. Woody and Mr. Lightyear excluded you from their club? 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
3076 Please raise your hands if you did it. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
3077 Theodore, is it? It says here that you were also - and I quote - "just tucking in your shirt." Would you care to elaborate? 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
3078 He will bear witness in this case 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
3079 Lawyer: The defendant calls to the stand Mr. Teddy Bear. Judge: Do you expect me to believe that this bear could commit murder? 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
3080 Now Lotso, you first met the plaintiff Woody at Sunnyside Day Care Center, is that correct? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
3081 And what happened beneath the trees where nobody sees? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
3082 Your Honor, please direct Teddy to answer the question. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3083 Does he look guilty to you? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3084 Perhaps the witness would be more cooperative if I gave him a hug, your honor. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3085 I would say this a a totally unreliable witness your Honour! 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
3086 Permission to treat the bear as a hostile witness? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3087 I'm sorry, your honor, but Mr. Minges says if you can't hear his testimony, the problem is with you. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3088 I promise that Teddy will not bear false witness. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
3089 This is no time for a hug, Mr Ted. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3090 ...and when you saw the button on the mattress, what did you do, Corduroy?! 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3091 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to be responsive. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
3092 Press his tummy to hear from the witness... 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
3093 Permission to tear into the witness? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3094 I'll rephrase, your Honor. "WAS Fuzzy Wuzzy, in fact, a bear?" 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3095 Please tell the court what the association is between Goldilocks and your porridge. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
3096 Last Residence? Build-a-Bear.... 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3097 Your honor, as cute as he is, he's still a hostile witness! 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
3098 Oh, he's just the therapy teddy for the next witness. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3099 Billy testified that it was you who wet the bed - how do you plead? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3100 I couldn't have been the one to eat it. Like I said, I'm stuffed. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
3101 Their schnauzer pulled off one of my eyes and I snapped. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
3102 Your honor, the alibi of being at a picnic just does not hold up. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3103 Your honor, permission to treat as adorable? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3104 Could you speak into the microphone, please. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3105 You look completely stuffed. The bear looks fed up as well. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3106 Your Honor, I am going to insist that the witness answer my questions. 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
3107 So after she said, 'I could just squeeze you to death!' then what did she do? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
3108 Your Honor, the witness appears to be a bit fuzzy on the details. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
3109 Your honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of being sewn this way. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
3110 I knew it was a mistake to put a plush chair on the stand. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3111 Your honor, may I conclude in the strongest terms, that this verdict is: un-bear-able 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3112 I’m getting to it, your Honor. If you’ll just bear with me... 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
3113 Objection, your honor. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
3114 Your Honor, I cannot cross examine the witness as I have slept with him many, many times. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3115 Pleading the 5th? Typical. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3116 He rests my case your Honor. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3117 Your Honor, 'reluctant' seems to best describe the witness' desire to testify. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3118 Your Honor, the witness just admitted to staying up after bedtime, so his answer is relevant to the defense. 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3119 May it please the Court, I would like to give my client a hug. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3120 Isn’t it a fact that your refusal to speak.... to even say that you are taking the Fifth Amendment.... is a clear indication of your guilt?...... Just nod ‘yes’ or ‘no’ 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3121 Yes, Your Honor, I am certified as an Expert in Teddy Bear sign language and he did say it was that long.” 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3122 Permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness, your honor? 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3123 Your honour, the defendant is lying. He very clearly did NOT have the stuffing knocked out of him. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3124 Mr. Bear...I understand you are a member of People of Praise, true? 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3125 So you say that you were abandoned by your owner and now are asking for restitution? 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3126 I know this trial is about whether evangelists have the right to ignore legal court orders, but do we really need to hear from Gladly the Crosseyed Bear? 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
3127 I request permission to examine Mr. Cuddles as a hostile witness. 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3128 « The fact that my client still sleeps with the witness proves he’s innocent. » 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3129 Your honor, this witness is clearly biased. We had to tear him out of the arms of the defendent! 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3130 Your honor, Mr. Bear is a hostile witness. He's not answered a single question! 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3131 And the last thing I could remember, I heard a voice that said, "Show me on the bear where they touched you". 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3132 Show the jury where the defendant touched you. 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3133 There is no attorney-client issue here your honor. I'm just disclosing that we met one another several years ago at what might be called a "Tea Party" event. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3134 That's not quite what the second amendment says.... 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3135 Come on, at least choose the pro-choice one. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3136 On direct, you described yourself as ‘cuddly:’ are you sure you want to stick with that? 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3137 To sum up, his father is addicted to mead and his mother ran off with Winnie the Pooh. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3138 I take my witnesses as I get them 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3139 I fucking hate you Diane. You are a piece of shit. I hope everything you touch dies. Your grandfather's grandfather siezes in his grave whenever his spirit-form gazes upon the monstrosity you have become. O shit is that a bear lol waddup 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3140 Your Honor, the state hasn't proved my killer, I mean my client, is guilty of murder. 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3141 Were you or were you not in the Hundred Acre Wood the night Christopher Robin went missing? Before you answer this question, please Think, Think, Think. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3142 Your honor, may I cuddle the witness? 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3143 Your Honor, the witness is non responsive and clearly just playing to the jury. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3144 Your honor, this witness has a very obvious bias in favor of the defendant, as her cuddle bear. And I can't even question him because his lips are sealed with honey. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3145 Objection your honor. The witness is testifying about confidential communications. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3146 I’m well aware of what you do in the woods, Mr. Bear. I’M the one asking the questions here! 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3147 I don’t believe for a minute you’re a teddy bear. 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
3148 Your Honor, would you please instruct the defendant to answer the question, “Do you go by Theodore or Teddy?” 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3149 Your honor, Mr Barr is present, but he refuses to speak without the president. 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
3150 Objection Sustained.Counsel. My last warning, I admonish you to quit calling the witness 'Teddy' and properly refer to him as Mr. Bear 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3151 Permission to treat Pooh as a hostile witness? 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3152 Will the witness please answer the question? 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3153 Counsel, you realize that we can hear YOUR voice as ventriloquist, not that of this so-called ‘witness’?! 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3154 There's not a thread of evidence to support your claim. 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3155 Did you not state that you needed me to present a bear witness? 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3156 And so Dr. Bear, do you honestly feel your constant contact is therapeutic to little Freddie, and that it is crucial to treating his severe PTSD originating from his parents’ divorce? 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3157 And just how many times did Trump say you voted blue? 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
3158 Clearly, the accused never sought consent for the cuddling. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3159 Based on his lack of response to any of my questions, I request that Mr. Teddy be declared a hostile witness. 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3160 Your Honor, I don't think the defendant can bear the guilt any longer. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3161 When I told you to get to the bare essentials.... 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3162 I wetht my cathe. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3163 Your honor, even the teddy can’t stand 2020! 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
3164 Dear sir ,We vote him out and the defendant left his teddy bear 🐻 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
3165 You’ve misinterpreted ‘bear witness’ 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3166 -“You can obviously tell he’s lying your honor”. - “mmmhuh” 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3167 Where did he touch you? 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
3168 Permission to treat the witness as cuddly wuddly? 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
3169 I would like to request a 10-minute recess. 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
3170 Your Honor, my client would like a telephone book to sit on, so that he can reach the microphone 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
3171 Your honor, you can see that this is clearly a hostile witness. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
3172 He's not here to testify, Your Honor. He's my comfort object. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
3173 Can you tell the men and the women of the Jury if you see the Person who has person who has been assaulting you over the last four years? Yes I can, he is sitting right there at the desk in front of me .Trumpy bear! 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
3174 So Teddy Bear, if that’s your real name, who was with you when you hit the Goldilocks place? 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
3175 Your honor, my client is clearly raising his right hand. 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
3176 He's not talking. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3177 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as adorable. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3178 Judge, may I have permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3179 Your honor, please compel the witness to respond. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3180 Your honor, the defendant is the worst kind of criminal. His smile is merely a well-manufactured facade. And his plush chest is literally heartless. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3181 Witness refuses to swear? Oh, Pooh! 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
3182 Your Honor, this is well within the scope of cross-stitch examination. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3183 I’ll say it again, they don’t keep me here cause I’m beautiful “ 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3184 The witness took recess. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3185 Before we break for the day, your honor, could you please instruct the witness to wear clothes? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3186 I’ve been stitched up! 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3187 Sorry Judge,sometimes my client can be quite infantile. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3188 I'll ask you again. Where were you on the night of Piglet's murder? 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
3189 Your honor, will you instruct the witness to stop toying with my questions? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3190 Please tell the Court who stole that last piece of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
3191 And what happened at the Teddy Bear Picnic after the hiker surprised you? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3192 Your Honor, may I request an interpreter for this witness? 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3193 Your Honor, I seek leave to treat this bear as a hostile witness. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3194 Give me a moment, would you, friend? I’ve never been on trial for my thoughts before. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3195 Your honor, the defense can’t possibly expect us to believe that THIS is who gave away everyone’s phone numbers to voter volunteers. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3196 Objection: Mr. Snookums' answer is non-responsive. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3197 Objection. The defendant’s emotional support counselor should not be required to testify. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3198 This witness is unbearable! 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3199 Your Honor, I request permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3200 Where were you on the evening of June 5th at beddie bye time? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3201 So, how many jars of honey did you take? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3202 He looks harmless enough but after all is said and done he is still a bear. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3203 Teddy Kennedy he ain't. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3204 Prejudicial, your Honor. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3205 And when did you first realize that you were evil ? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3206 Though shall not bear false witness. 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
3207 Do you have any bearly original(ist) defense? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3208 Your Honor That Is A Teddy Bear He Cant Talk 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3209 And did the defendant not say, "Wet me wub your wittle tummy wummy"? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3210 I should warn you that the witness can barely talk. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3211 Witness's sworn testimony, I repeat: "Hello, I have voted". 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3212 I shall prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that this bear only CARES about himself. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3213 Your Honor, "Ted Bear" is an alias this witness has used ad nauseam. 1.2400 0.06532 75 62 8 5
3214 And for the record, where did this cuddling' take place? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3215 If the Defense rests can I take my teddy with me? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3216 How often did you sleep together before the divorce, and are there others? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3217 I have no more questions your Honor except; why did i ask any? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3218 Please explain to the jury the defendant's role in why your eyes no longer match. 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3219 Your Honor, the State requests permission to treat the Witness as inanimate. 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3220 Let the record show that after complaining he was getting all the hardball questions, the witness walked off and left his teddy bear behind. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3221 He wants a name change from Winnie the Pooh 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3222 My client bears witness to the struggle of his clan to find its voice. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3223 It was hard to hear through the sobbing, Your Honor, but I believe he is insisting we shut down the vote count or he's going to build-a-bear and make Detroit pay for it. 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3224 Indeed, that is deplorable. Now would you please tell the court what else the Trumpy Bear did to you? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3225 Exactly when, Mr. Bear, did you realize that your real nose had been pilfered and replaced by a triangle? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3226 If you don't want to answer questions, you will need to plead the 5th Amendment. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3227 Counsel will address the witness using baby talk, or be held in Contempt of Court. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3228 No questions at this time, your Honor, except ... can I give the witness a big hug? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3229 Teddy, you claim you voted for Biden/Harris? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3230 Counselor this is not what I mean by "the people bear the burden of proof". 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3231 You seem very fuzzy, are you comfortable with the question? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3232 This testimony will bear witness to my client's innocence 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3233 And now, Mr. Bear, can you tell the court if your nanny cam was on during the event in question? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3234 But your honor: no one told me I am not allowed to vote. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3235 And how many ballots did you actually submit? 1.2400 0.06802 75 63 6 6
3236 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as the bestest, bestest bear? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3237 No, you may not treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3238 My client would like maintain his right to remain silent. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3239 Trump bear enters witness protection. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3240 Don’ Pooh Pooh his testimony 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3241 Can you point on yourself where the defendant touched you? 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3242 Your Honour, I believe their case is stuffed. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3243 Your Honor. May I have permission to treat him as a cuddly witness? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3244 So when this cat-thing jumped on you and tried to chew your head off, as you have testified, would you say that you were in fear of your life, or just that humans might no longer find you cuddly? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3245 Please, tell the court one more time, did you or did you not hug her with your bear hands? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3246 “Where were you at bedtime on the night of Friday the 13th?” 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3247 Stop mocking this court; we understand you claim to have had your hands in the air the entire time! 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3248 Your honor, our expert witness will corroborate that the temperature of the porridge was, in fact, just right. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3249 Your Honor, I think that the witness statement should be taken with a grain of stuffing!" 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3250 Your honor, the defendant is requesting a snuggle from the witness at the stand. 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
3251 The witness requests to sit on Your Honor’s lap during testimony…, also, an occasional hug couldn’t hurt. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3252 Did you or did you not have a prenup with Ballerina Doll? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3253 Your Honor, could we take a short recess for recess? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3254 The defendant entered to the United States without authorization. Your honor, the law must prevail. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3255 #freecorduroy 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3256 Show me on this human where she touched you. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3257 This wasn't the right to bear arms I was referring to... 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3258 Did he say when he was coming back? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3259 You can bearly handle the truth. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3260 Sustained. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3261 Did you bear witness to the scene? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3262 Your honor, my client fuzzy wuzzy pleads the 5th. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3263 Why did your friends and you believe you didn’t need a permit to picnic in the National Forest? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3264 Then, you opened your raincoat and told Raggedy Ann that you’re Teddy BARE? 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
3265 It's stated right in the 2nd Amendment, yet we can clearly see my client has been denied the right to bear arms, as his hands originate directly from his torso. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
3266 Permission to treat as a hostile witness? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3267 Your honor, my client could not have committed the murder in cold blood; in fact, he doesn't have any blood at all . . . 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3268 Using yourself, Mr. Bear, please show us where the boy touched you.” 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3269 I just wanted him to clarify what he meant by 'stuffed' 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3270 Your Honor, may I remind the witness that there is no 5th amendment for stuffed animals. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3271 You only have to raise your right paw, thank you very much. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3272 I can bearly hear this witness. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3273 He's not guilty just because his uncle's Ted Bundy your honor. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3274 The little bugger! And he looks so innocent! 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3275 Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the questions verbally, and not with these gestures. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3276 Is it true that you've known the defendant since she was born? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3277 What kind of person would convict my client? 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3278 As to the truth in this case, your Honor, I submit that there is no one more qualified to bear witness. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3279 No further cuddles, Your Honor. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3280 Permission to snuggle the witness? 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3281 Would you inform the witness, your honor, that these are serious questions! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3282 I submit, Your Honor, that the defendant beard false witness. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
3283 He doesn't tell night time secrets ! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3284 This is not a grin-and-bear-it case, Your Honor. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3285 The witness is nonresponsive, your Honor, though pretty darn soft and cuddly. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3286 The witness will provide a statement when you press on his left foot. 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3287 So, Mr. Bear, you say the police planted that honey on you? 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3288 He's consistently bare, no matter what social media says! 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3289 Your honor, the witnesses testimony is completely imaginary. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3290 . . . he scratched my ears and then he started o rub my belly . . . 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3291 Your honor,please instruct the witness to to stick to the bare facts. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3292 and isn’t it true that according to the survey of this wood ... you received only 98.6 acres? 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3293 But Judge,in bear years I'm 21 & legally emancipated. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3294 And who, exactly, tore the stuffing out of you? 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3295 I can barely hear your witness. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
3296 The defendant invokes their furst ammendment right. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3297 I'll ask you again... What does the term "Thunder Buddies" mean to you? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3298 Your Honor, Goldilocks was found sleeping in his bed, and the jury has the right to know whether he was complicit in that." 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3299 I must recuse myself from this trial since that is my teddy. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3300 Mr. Bear, exactly how large did you say was the fish in question? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3301 Your Honor, defense requests a recess. Why, counselor? Christopher Robin and Igor have skipped town, again-- unavailable to testify on behalf of Pooh Bear. And, we ask the court to provide a translator for Pooh-Jive. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3302 Your honor, do you realize the witness is butt naked? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3303 Permission to give the witness a quick snuggle, your Honor? 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3304 Everyone's a suspect" 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3305 Do you bear witness to the facts” 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3306 I'm defending his right to be hugged by anyone who wants to! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3307 Me Bear,how many times did you vote for Biden? 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3308 As indicated by his silence, the witness is pleading the Fifth. 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3309 Mr. Bear, please share with the court your recollection of the events at the picnic. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3310 Your Honor, as you can tell, the defendant is a cold-blooded killer. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3311 My client, Mr Pooh, requests a recess for hunny. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3312 Trial of the Chicago 7-year-old. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3313 You can't pin the bedwetting on me" 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3314 Snuggles says the callous indifference of the court is reminiscent of my childhood, mother 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3315 Mr. Teddy swears he didn’t commit the crime. He’s been confined since March. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3316 Your honour, please bear with me for a few minutes while I get my lines in order 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3317 Your honor, aren’t you taking this role playing a bit too far? 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3318 Your Honor, the nanny cam batteries have died. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3319 Your Honor, I'd like to request a brief recess, during which the prosecution will obtain, on witness's request,a copy of "Corduroy" to be sworn upon before testimony. 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3320 You’re honor, this is a bear. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3321 Your Honor, the Trump campaign is shamefully and baselessly accusing my client Mr. Teddy of perpetrating voter fraud in Wisconsin. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3322 Your honor, 2020 is unbearable 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3323 Your honor, I think his mic was turned off. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3324 I don’t even know who Donald Trump was! 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3325 Hoping for bear majority 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
3326 Pickiest thief I ever saw! This Goldilocks character or whatever her name is! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3327 ...now Jeff, come on Jeff, you said I was the only one... 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3328 Overruled, I'm interested to see where the prosecution is going with this. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3329 Before you sentence him to prison, just know my little Bobby will have to go with him. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
3330 Admit it! If Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, and Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? 1.2391 0.05651 92 75 12 5
3331 The witness is insisting on playtime. 5 minute recess? 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
3332 Your Honor, request permission treat this as a cuddly witness. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
3333 Looks like Ted decided to take the stand 1.2381 0.05409 63 48 15 0
3334 Hour Honor, this little fellow couldn't have possibly eaten all the cookies 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
3335 I'm sorry your honor, this is a little more than I can bear. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
3336 Listen, she said she was 18, I swear! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3337 His ancestry indicates WILD LIFE tendencies. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3338 My client had the right to bear arms to protect himself! 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
3339 As you can see your honour,this witness is clearly uncooperative. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3340 Permission to treat Teddy as a cuddly witness, your honor. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3341 Your defiant silence screams guilty, you get that don’t you? 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
3342 Oh shut up. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3343 Clearly the witness is just a stuffed shirt 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3344 He smacked the dog with you...and then what? 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3345 No, you may not cuddle the witness. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3346 You claim to know nothing of the removed Beanie Baby tags, yet Exhibit A shows a damaged tag bearing paw prints with a striking resemblance to your own. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
3347 This bear is not cooperating. Pretends he knows nothing. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3348 Your honor, this is either a case of Republican obstructionism or Russian hacking! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3349 You say the assailant had a fluffy tail? 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
3350 When did you the accused,your employer,leave his crib? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3351 Your Honor, I'd like permission to treat the witness as Hostile. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3352 I plead the fluff 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
3353 Yes,your honor. He is prepared to bear witness. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
3354 Can you look the jury in the eye and honestly say that you never slept with Miss Parker? 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
3355 Your honor, my witness requests a recess until hibernation ends. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
3356 Your Honor, I rest with my defense. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
3357 Please show the courtroom on yourself where they touched you 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
3358 No further questions your honor 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3359 Permission to treat Mr. Theodore Bear as a hostile witness? 1.2361 0.05040 72 55 17 0
3360 Permission to treat the AI baby monitor as hostile Your Honor 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3361 “Judge, my client says he doesn’t need to recess for lunch, he’s already stuffed” 1.2361 0.05040 72 55 17 0
3362 If the bear swears he wants to go and stay with that creep that’s good enough for me. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3363 Please describe your relationship with the defendant at the time the gun 'went off'. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3364 Counselor. Stop badgering the bear. He's not going to talk. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3365 My client wasn't read his Miranda rights, and can't go on trial for aggravated manslaughter. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3366 In your expert opinion, how do I feel? 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3367 He swears not to bear false witness, your Honor. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3368 Please don't toy with me your honor 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3369 Let the record show that the defendant was instructed to raise his RIGHT hand. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3370 Your honor, no matter what I try, this witness just won't talk. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3371 Your Honor, my witness had to go tinkle. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3372 Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as inanimate? 1.2361 0.05040 72 55 17 0
3373 What a mockery of your court! This is clearly not Mr. Pooh! 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3374 Susan, you can't leave your teddy bear there. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3375 Your honor, I have an alibi. I was still being built at the mall at the time of the crime. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3376 This cuddly face hides a jealous heart... Where were YOU the night the toy box went missing? 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3377 Isn't it true you sat there doing nothing while Barbie beat the stuffing out of Raggedy Andy and now you just shrug it off?! 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3378 Pooh left Christopher Robbin alone in the woods. This is a clear case of abandonment and child endangerment. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3379 he is your new boss. hope ya like him. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3380 Your honor, "I'm cuddly" is not a murder defense! 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3381 Objection, your honor. Do you seriously believe he could bear witness to a crime? 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3382 Who'd like to take our cute defendant, Teddy Bear Bundy, home with them overnight? 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3383 - Objection, bearsay! - Overruled, both the 'too hot' and the 'too cold' statements are admissible under the Goldilocks exception." 1.2361 0.05040 72 55 17 0
3384 Your honor, I can’t tell whether he is taking the Fifth or hibernating, so I’m going to approach him as a hostile witness. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3385 I’m putting Pookie in the pokey. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3386 This is NOT what I mean when I say your client should bear witness in support of armchair speculation. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3387 Objection your honor. My client never snuggled the witness. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3388 I'd like to remind the court that my client was repeatedly referred to as "adorable" by his accuser after the day the crime supposedly took place. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3389 I'd like to be granted a little...well, actually, a lot...of leeway with this witness. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3390 Enough with all the questions, I’m stuffed. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3391 All right , all right I confess! I ate all the stuffing at thanksgiving dinner! 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3392 Your honor, I move to hold the witness...close to me for a quick but meaningful@hug. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3393 She told me I could touch her if I voted for Hillary...not my fault she didn't specify the year. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3394 My client was only exercising his Second Amendment rights, Your Honor. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3395 oh bother! 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3396 Justice Amy Barrett, clearly you can see that this bear and all his family cannot vote in Georgia and then again in Pennsylvania to steal this election from Donald Trump. He must be punished to the full extent of the law. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3397 Your Honor, this witness is clearly too cute to be believed. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
3398 And furthermore, we will demonstrate that the witness is full of beans. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
3399 Yes, Mr Teddy ! It must knock the stuffing out you knowing little Jennifer gave you up. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
3400 I am asking him to "Bear" his soul your Honor! 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
3401 Can he be sworn in? I’m not sure he even has the God Concept. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
3402 We're obviously dealing with a hostile witness, your honor. He just keeps repeating, "Please love me.".and...."Be my friend", over and over... 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
3403 Objection! Your honor, this witness has no bearing on the case... 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
3404 Objection Your Honor. Non-responsive. 1.2353 0.05182 68 52 16 0
3405 Your Honor, the defense calls to the stand Bear-false witness. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
3406 I'm sure this witness chair is comfortable and assuring but I don't think it will help get to the truth. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
3407 Were you or were you not cuddly on the night of Nov 11th? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
3408 I only bit him because he was taking all my honey! 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
3409 Your Honor, permission to treat Miss Pooh as a hostile witness. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
3410 If you won’t squeak it’s back to the Nursery for you 1.2353 0.05182 68 52 16 0
3411 Let the record show that the witness pointed to his tum-tum, not his nom-noms. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
3412 The teddy bear saw everything, your honor. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
3413 Please describe for the court, how cuddly you were on the night of November 20th? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
3414 This witness was in the bedroom and saw everything! 1.2353 0.05182 68 52 16 0
3415 Did you or did you not move away from the bed during the night on your own will? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
3416 Your honor, the defendant is full of it. And I’m not talking about his stuffing. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
3417 Your honor, the Defendant is refusing to answer any of my questions... 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
3418 I don't know whether to cross-examine little cutie here or just cuddle together and call it a day. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
3419 He hesitated to bear witness in high court for fear of reprisal from the other toys. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3420 I’d like permission to treat Snuggles as a hostile witness. 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
3421 Virtual nanny cam 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3422 Counsel shall stop witnessing the badger. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3423 Although he's cute, he is guilty of fraud. The defendant has been sleeping with my client and has failed to provide the support and care she was promised. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
3424 What happened with your kid and parents when you got separated at the border? 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3425 I must say, the whistle-blower witness is wearing the best ‘in court disguise’ I’ve ever seen. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3426 Your honor, the witness would like a quick recess 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3427 This has gone too far! The president shouldn't be able to make a teddy bear a supreme court justice! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3428 What makes you think, you have the right to bear arms? 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3429 Mr. Albertson is our expert witness on honey. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3430 Stolen porridge is a misdemeanor. We won't be going after the death penalty. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3431 My client didn't break into the department store. Corduroy was held there against his will. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3432 Your Honor, Please allow me to treat the witness as hostile. It is not answering my questions. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3433 Can you bear up under this deposition? 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3434 I thought I left you at home. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3435 The court directs the bear to answer counsel. Where did you hide the honey. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3436 If it please the court, I'd like to treat the witness as a hostile Teddy-Bear. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3437 Your Honor, the witness seems reluctant to speak. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3438 I told him to stand his ground in Philadelphia and he told me to go to Willmette County and count the next 1.5 million. Then he called me a Karen! As razor thin as it gets I told him and asked where his mask was, dammit, . 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
3439 Knowing the charges against you, why do you refuse to respond 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3440 I bear witness to the events of November 3, 2020. 1.2329 0.04981 73 56 17 0
3441 He says he's got to go to the little bears' woods. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3442 I couldn't, paws!" is why you didn't stop and show your hands? 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3443 Just stating the bear facts, Your Honor. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3444 That's quite a story Mr. Ruxpin. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3445 Your honor, my witness was left speechless... 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
3446 Objection! The witness is being adorable, your honor. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3447 Let the record show the witness prefers to be called Theodore 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3448 What do you mean you would rather have this as a president? 1.2329 0.04981 73 56 17 0
3449 Let the record reflect the Witness prefers to be called “Theodore.” 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3450 Not exactly. I meant dig deeper as in repressed memories. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3451 I rest my case your honor, the defendant is both cute and cuddly. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3452 Can you point out Goldilocks in the Court Room 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3453 Have you used an alias at anytime? 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3454 My defendant is insecure and left his Teddy Bear as an avatar while he goes out and commits more crimes to work out his insecurities. 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
3455 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as cuddly? 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3456 Your Honor, there is no way my client is guilty of killing that bull. Can't you see the market is rounding the corner? 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3457 Your honor, thou shalt not bear false witness! 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3458 Are you known as Teddy, or Mr. Bear? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3459 Don't badger the witness, counselor, can't you see it's a damn bear 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3460 Can we agree that Mr. Bear is a silent witness? 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
3461 I'll hug you in contempt! 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3462 Your honor. The teddy bear refuses to speak. Can I pull a few strings? 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3463 It may have been a witness, your honor, but it’s not the talking kind of bear. 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
3464 As you can see Your Honor, the defendant has no heart. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3465 And did you pinky button eyes claim to have seen Sargent Fluffer-Nutter take a cookie from the cookie jar? 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
3466 Are you sure it understands the questions? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3467 What you have seen here today, your honor, was a soft lullaby, three hugs, 2 trips to the bathroom, a glass of water and yes- a teddy bear, so for the last time, I rest my case! 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3468 Don’t give me that ‘Who me?’ look.” Don Dechman Austin T 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3469 Yes, your honor, suing for years of affection withheld. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3470 This witness clearly cannot bare up under cross examination. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3471 Mr. Teddy, you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor! 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3472 And how long were you and Piglet held as sex slaves by Christopher Robin? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3473 You will have to speak up, Mr. Bear 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3474 Ummm...Side bar your honor? 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3475 Permission,Your Honor, to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3476 I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now. 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3477 Where were you on the night of . . . . . 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3478 Permission to treat Mr. Huggysnugglewumps as a hostile witness? 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3479 So, you plead the Fifth? 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3480 Your honor, will you compel the witness to answer the question? 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3481 Do you really think you can replace Ruth Bader Ginsberg?? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3482 Can you Can you positively identify the defendant Goldilocks as the doll you saw seating in your chair? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3483 Your honor, this witness is being un-bear-ably quiet and had answered bear-ly any of my questions! 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3484 Your honor, my client isn't talking because he's pleading the fifth. 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3485 your demeanor is unbearable 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3486 He's my comfort witness, Your Honor. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3487 Counsel, Leading questions are not allowed on direct examination. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3488 I hope you realize that if you don't answer the question you'll be charged with contempt of court. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3489 I object! Anything this witness heard while in bed with my client is privileged and inadmissible" 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3490 All right Mr. Wuzzy, where IS the fuzzy? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3491 ...and another thing, that chair... 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3492 Mr. Bear, are you trying to be cute? 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3493 Mr Bear - refusal to answer my questions is contempt of court! 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3494 I move that my client be found not guilty on the grounds that he is not now, nor has he ever been, alive. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3495 A classic case of child abandonment! 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3496 We've heard all we need, Your Honor. The day was today. The place was the woods. And they were having their picnic. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3497 Do you deny that you stuffed yourself at Renaldo's Diner? 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3498 Yes, I accept him as a witness about the consequences of falling off the ottoman. 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3499 I intend to prove that Apathy Bear is a Care Bear 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3500 I swear I didn’t eat the honey; I’m vegan. 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
3501 Your Honor, before I start my cross examination, I would like to reserve my right to talk to a bull market witness. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3502 He refuses to leave unless his ballot is re-counted. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3503 I said to bring Theodore Bair! 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3504 Grrrrr... 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3505 Bear Grilled 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
3506 I swear to tell THE WHOLE truth. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3507 My client has endured all the questioning he can bear. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3508 I plead the five year olds ammendment 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3509 I'd like to ask the court for a five minute recess so my client can put on his' big boy pants' 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3510 ‘Yes, counselor, you may approach the bear, uh, bench’ 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3511 You're stuffed, Twinkles. This judge, she's not a hugger 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
3512 Permission to treat the witness as hostile, Your Honor. Clearly she has no intention of saying anything. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
3513 Why you were not in bed with the boy that night? 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3514 The defense rests in bed. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
3515 you give up already? we haven't even started! 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
3516 Is it not a fact that the defendant told you, "Stick 'em up, mother____. This is a hold up." 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
3517 Talk or I'll pull that string again. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3518 It is not character assassination. When I said he does not have the right stuff, I was referring to those items in his possession, contrary to your honor’s preliminary decree. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3519 Sure he can talk but he can't speak English. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3520 Did you, or did you not, provide inadequate cuddles? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3521 The defense is well-rested, your honor. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3522 Yogi, just answer the question. 1.2297 0.04923 74 57 17 0
3523 Your Honor, the defendant is refusing to answer my questions. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3524 Your Honor, my client would like a ten minute recess. He needs a hug. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3525 And you say he finally lost it after seeing that someone had been sleeping in your bed. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3526 You want me on that shelf. You NEED me on that shelf. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3527 Mr Wuzzy, please describe for the court what is described as the “Nair incident.” 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3528 Well,They touched my special area and I freaked out! 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3529 Your Honor, Winnie refuses to recount the votes. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3530 Your Honor, are you telling me that 'get stuffed' is a legally acceptable response from this witness? 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3531 Permission to treat the witness as sentimental? 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3532 Your honor may we adjourn for the witness’s nap time appointment.? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3533 The witness is instructed to answer the question! 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3534 And you expect us to believe you never saw what happened in the doll's house that night? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3535 This witness would make an excellent Supreme Court Justice, your honor! 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3536 For the sake of the victims, we must bear witness. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3537 We found Teddy just outside Build-a-Bear, your Honor. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3538 May I treat Teddy as a hostile witness? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3539 I'm sorry, I didn't know you would take it literary when I said a teddy bear would be smarter then you. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3540 Can the plaintiff take the oath with both its hands up? 1.2297 0.04923 74 57 17 0
3541 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to squeeze so hard. 1.2297 0.04923 74 57 17 0
3542 Enough of the fairytales. Keep to the facts. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3543 You can't make these marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark! 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3544 Will you finally admit, in front of this court, that 'Ted 2' wasn't as good as the first one? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3545 It was between this and Trump. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3546 Counsel: Your Honor, I’m not sure this witness is sentient. Judge Amy Coney Barrett: I’ll allow it. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3547 Tell the court again where the Build-A-Bear employee touched you. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3548 That may be true your honor but stuffiness is not a crime. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3549 And what gives you the right to just, "Grab them by the honey?" 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3550 Objection, your Honor, the eyes of this cute and cuddly eyewitness are made of plastic. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3551 He looks innocent, but he carries a big stick. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3552 As with the others, this witness has absolutely nothing to say. The prosecution rests its case. The defendant did stay up way past her bedtime as charged and now must do her homework! 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3553 He claims his silence is privileged. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3554 No Ma'am, he hit me with a stick at least a yard long 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3555 Where were you the night Jenny heard monsters under the bed? 1.2286 0.06163 70 57 10 3
3556 My client insists that he did not commit porridge-ry! 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3557 Having your arms up does not prove your innocence. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3558 If it would please the Court of Public Opinion, I would ask the defendant once again whether it was in fact stuffed in China. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3559 Your honor, I submit that the mental anguish of having someone eat your porridge goes beyond the mere cost of said porridge. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3560 The witness is taking the 5th again. 1.2286 0.06490 70 58 8 4
3561 This is ACB’s experience as a judge. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3562 I’ll ask you again: how big was the fish? 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3563 My client, Mr. Snuggems, would like to invoke his Fifth Amendment rights. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3564 He's clearly too cute to be guilty. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3565 Objection sustained Counselor will refrain from bearaging the witness 1.2286 0.06163 70 57 10 3
3566 How strange. You don't look like someone who's had their stuffing knocked out. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3567 Your honor, I don't believe this man had the stuffing to commit murder. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3568 As the defendant's first friend, Mr. Snuggles is our primary character witness. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3569 My alibi isn't the only thing full of holes. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3570 Hey bear, quit that manspreading! Permission to treat him as a hostile witness, your honor? 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3571 My client was only trying to hug him. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3572 In response to the defendant’s testimony, I’d like to present to the jury exhibit D, the nanny cam. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3573 Your Honor, are you toying with me? 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3574 And did the defendant ever ask for your consent to cuddle? 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3575 Tell the court, Mr. Wuzzy. Your uncle wasn't the infamous Fuzzy Wuzzy, was he? 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3576 Based on your silence, I presume you plead the fifth. 1.2286 0.06163 70 57 10 3
3577 Where were you on the morning of bring-your-teddy-to-school day? 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3578 This Teddy has infantilazed my husband and should be jailed. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3579 With due respect, your Honor, I think it is hyperbolic to suggest that accepting the testimony of this witness would call into question the very foundations of our justice system. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3580 Mr. Bear is refusing to answer any questions. Permission to treat him as a hostile witness? 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3581 Has he been found guilty? 1.2286 0.06163 70 57 10 3
3582 What can I tell you, I can't keep my hands off a pot of honey. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3583 I ask that you instruct the jury to disregard the witness' cuddliness. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3584 Now please tell the court: How in the world, after all she has done for you, can you accuse her of abuse and neglect? 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3585 And your claiming it was you, not FDR that was supposed to be the president? 1.2286 0.06490 70 58 8 4
3586 I'm pretty sure that teddy bear abuse isn't a thing. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3587 Bear with me your honor, the rest of my witnesses are in quarantine. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3588 I think he's taking the fifth amendment rights. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3589 You expect us to believe you were in bed at 2a.m.? 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3590 Your honor there is no teddy immunity.They cuddled but we’re not exclusive 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3591 Permission, your honor, to treat the witness as a loveable childhood companion. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3592 Quit pulling his cord counsel or I'm going to find you in contempt. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3593 of course I bit her! I just didn’t want her trying out my damn bed 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3594 Because real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do. - To Kill A Mocking Bird 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3595 So, what were you wearing during the assault? 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3596 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3597 Defendant claims my daughter ‘deliberately dropped’ him in the park. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3598 The bear truth 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3599 My client pleads bearly guilty. 1.2286 0.05055 70 54 16 0
3600 Unfortunately the president couldn’t make it today, your honor, so he sent in his best replacement 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3601 Well there’s no one else to blame!! 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3602 I have nothing else to add in my defense. Just hugs. 1.2273 0.05629 66 52 13 1
3603 Anyone who questions my client's competence is simply uncomfortable with the bear naked truth. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3604 Your Honor, it's unclear if the witness has thrown up his hands in surrender or in despair. Please direct him to answer my question. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
3605 If the chair don’t fit, the bear can’t sit. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
3606 It's the baby bear defense. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3607 What is this, mute court? 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3608 Your Honor, I seek the court's permission to treat the witness as delightful. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3609 Can I treat Mr. Trump as a hostile witness? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3610 Permission to Voir Bear the witness, your Honor? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3611 Yes, your honor. Permission to treat this adorable teddy bear as a hostile witness. 1.2267 0.04867 75 58 17 0
3612 Your honor, I maintain this witness is full of it. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3613 I beg Your Honor to stop referring to the defendant as Mr, Cutie. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3614 Did you, or did you not come here today to bear witness? 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
3615 Requesting a side bear? I'll allow it. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3616 Permission to lead the witness. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
3617 Just tell us the bear facts. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3618 Mr. Ruxpin, your silence is deafening. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3619 Your Honer, the witness is not on trial but the boyfriend who had not planned well for Valentine’s Day. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3620 mr. trump...do you have the cognitive ability to testify? 1.2267 0.06173 75 62 9 4
3621 Still, under the new regulations you surely must be aware it’s still open season for hunting bears, in dens or elsewhere 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3622 Did you or did you not rob the biggest bank in the entire country? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3623 He's a hostile witness so I will just raise my arms to make me look bigger and slowly back away. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3624 May I remind you not to bear false witness. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3625 Your Honor, my client claims he is the REAL Corduroy that is in publication for over 40 years!!! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3626 Was your suffering caused by excessive unsolicited hugs? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3627 Permission to treat as hostile? 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
3628 Show me on the judge where he touched you. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3629 But Judge, I raised him to be a good bear! 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
3630 This bear caused me emotional distress and separation anxiety as a child 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3631 My Client is claiming he was possessed 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3632 Your Honor, I request that the court treats Mr. Teddy as an adorable witness. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3633 I don't suppose you remember when you were on the night of October 15? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3634 Your Honor please bear with me. I can bearly contain myself, and those are the bear facts! 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3635 I object to the foam of the witness! 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3636 Stop badgering the witness. Can't you see he is a bear! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3637 Judge: I petition the court to declare the obvious. A hostile witness. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3638 Okay, okay. I'm granting your name change from Pookie Dookie the Poohby Bear Skellington the 3rd to Theodore, just Theodore! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3639 Yes, he’s totally self-centered. And yes, he has abnormally small hands. And, of course, he does have extremely bad breath and farts during dinner. And YES, he blew up that private jet. And YES HE”S OBESE! But he did not steal that child’s lunch. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
3640 Bear witness, the facts in this case just don’t add up. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3641 Permission to treat the witness as stuffed, your Honor. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3642 Objection, Your Honor. The defendant has been known to bear false witness. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3643 And was the young lady in question really napping at the time of the accident? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3644 Your honor, I am recusing myself, as Mr. Snuggles and I were very close during my childhood 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3645 So Teddy, you're claiming the salmon you caught was sooooooo big? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3646 Your Honor, this creature tells untruths!! In fact, he is a bear-faced liar! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3647 Enough with the dramatic testimony! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3648 You say you support the 2nd Amendment, the right to arm bears? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3649 Wipe that expression off your face and answer the question! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3650 Counselor put the word barely in one more of your motions and I'll hold you in contempt! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3651 Not another squeak out of you! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3652 If you saw the accused pull the trigger just sit there quietly to indicate “Yes.” 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3653 Your Honor, permission to treat the witness like a stuffed teddy bear? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3654 Your honor, as you can tell, this is a very hostile witness. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3655 Who is the witness? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3656 Gloria describes her ongoing custody battle in the Hamptons. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3657 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as soft and cuddly 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3658 Mr. Teddy says testifying makes him very anxious, so he would like to have a comfort dog with him. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3659 He's taking the fifth. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3660 If it may please the court, I would like to cuddle with the witness before beginning cross examination. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3661 I’m ready to cuddle my next witness 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3662 First, we couldn't find the parents; now, we can't find the children either. Barr says it's the parents' fault. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3663 Pooh! Did piglet really have a penis that big? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3664 In your expert opinion, can you please explain to the court why these votes should be discounted 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3665 We will need an interpreter, your honor. He only speaks bear - specifically teddy bear 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
3666 Where did he touch you? Please show us on yourself. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3667 Your Honor, I only have a few questions for this fluff witness. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3668 Yes I know that President Trump has amazing powers but he can't simply turn Vice President Biden into a Teddy Bear. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
3669 And YOU are the Theodore that appears some 27 times in her diary, aren't you Mr. Bear? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3670 Your honor, it seems that the cozy chair isn't helping. Since he refuses to answer a single one of my questions, as much as I hate to, I would request that you declare him a hostile witness. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3671 I'd like permission to treat the defendant as a hostile witness. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3672 Your Honor, my client wishes to enter, "The Teddy Bear Plea." 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3673 Theodore" Teddy" Bundy has been found guilty on all charges of providing comfort to men, women, and children of all ages. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3674 Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3675 I am here representing the ASPCA- both real and stuffed! 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3676 Just what were you doing when the shit hit the fan? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3677 Objection your honor! The witness is too cuddly to give testimony 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3678 And what did President Trump do when you were torn from his arms at the border and put into a cage by ICE agents? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3679 Is Teddy your real name or an alias? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3680 Can’t you do anything except listen without judging? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3681 The defendant may look innocent, Your Honor, but I assure you he mauled my client. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3682 You Honor, I plead the 5th” 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3683 Let the record show that the witness identified Mr. Robin as his co-conspirator 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3684 This is not the stuffed shirt I was expecting. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3685 Did you or did you not see the defendant steal cookies from the cookie jar? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3686 Oh! No another case of mock trial and we couldn't get the accused to cooperate!!! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3687 The Ten Commandments may say Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness, but we believe in the separation of church and state. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3688 Your honor, as you have heard from the witness today, Mr Trump really has thrown all his toys out of his pram 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3689 So Mr. Bear, it would be safe to say you have known Mr. Trump since his childhood. He has listed you as his primary witness. Can you say with confidence that the president is completely delusional? 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
3690 It wasn’t me.” Shaggy the Bear 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
3691 I guess he pleaded the 5th 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
3692 Tell us about Chappaquiddick, Teddy. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3693 Oops...sorry your honor. It's the SECOND amendment that guarantees the right to arm bears, isn't it? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3694 I told you I wanted you to build a case, not build a bear. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3695 Please show us on yourself where the defendant touched you 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3696 No. There's no expectation of privacy between a child and its sleeping companion. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3697 Your Honor, the Teddy bear claims to have been ruthlessly attacked by the toddler. Teddy Bear: *sobs* 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
3698 Permission to approach and hug the plush toy, your Honor? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3699 Is it true you neglected to wear a mask when visiting the children's ward at the hospital? 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3700 Counselor, I’m holding you in contempt for bearing false witness. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3701 Your Honor, clearly this witness needs a nap. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3702 When did you last see the baby? 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3703 Do you really feel that the barenaked ladies excluded you from the group because you a bear? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3704 Can i call you Ted 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3705 Your Honor, I’d like permission to treat this witness witness as hostile. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3706 Were both your parents Gummy Bears? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3707 She'll be right back. She had to go to the little girl's room. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3708 The defendant pleads “I wasn’t loved.” 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3709 Your honor, t 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3710 I will not call you Teddy-just Ted! 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
3711 My client pleads the Fifth, Your Honor. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3712 Note that witness is hostile. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3713 Your Honor, I would like the court to recognize this bear as a hostile witness. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3714 May I treat him as a hostile witness, Your Honor? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3715 Your Honor, my client pleads the Fifth and asks the Court to take into consideration his adorable cuteness." 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3716 Council will refrain from badgering the witness. He’s a bear for crying out loud. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3717 Your honor, I'd like this witness to be held in contempt for refusal to speak. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3718 Tell the Court who stole the honey pot at the picnic. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3719 Your honor - please instruct the jury that the defendant's silence is an admission of guilt. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3720 Won't talk, eh? 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3721 Permission, your Honor, to treat as a hostile witness 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3722 ...so what did you do with Bobbie? 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
3723 Perhaps, if we all change into our jammies, we could get some answers from Ted. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3724 Permission to approach the Huggy Bear, your Honor? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3725 Did you bear witness to the dish running away with the spoon? 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3726 Your Honor, May we have a human being so that Teddy can indicate where on his body he was inappropriately touched by the defendant? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3727 I ask you to hold the witness in contempt your honor; then I’ll give him a long cuddle and make it all better. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3728 Your Honor, the witness is deliberately refusing to answer. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3729 Your Honor, the bear saw it all and is ready to talk. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3730 Your honor, permission to squeeze the answers from the witness. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3731 Let me warn you, sir, that you will not be receiving any special consideration from me due to your being a teddy bear. You are not cute enough for that to happen." 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
3732 Is he taking the fifth again!? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3733 Sometimes the Judge and Jury should just go get stuffed 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3734 And would you tell the people in this court the color of the bin you were so thoughtlessly tossed in? 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3735 Your honor, the ‘pillow talk privilege’ doesn’t apply here. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3736 Your Honor, the witness has been through an un-bear-able ordeal testifying about this grizzly crime 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3737 your honor, please direct the witness to answer the question and bear witness 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
3738 Thank you Ted, no further questions your honor 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
3739 your honor, my client's Teddy is invoking his custodial privilege and refusing to testify 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3740 Your honor, I ask that this Teddy Bear be declared a hostile witness. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3741 Just the essentials! 1.2239 0.05131 67 52 15 0
3742 Your Honor, I'd like to ask that this witness be declared uncoöperative and adorable. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3743 Your Honor, could you please direct the witness to stop staring at me in a threatening manner. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3744 With all due respect, I don't think "stuffed-badgering a witness" is an actual legal term. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3745 Now then, Mr. Bear, or may I call you Teddy? 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3746 I vehemently protest, I'm not even a grizzly. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3747 I know your honor. But I came up with a mic drop question I wanted the jury to hear. I just don't have anyone to ask. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3748 There’s a bear in there..and also a chair. People with games..and stories to tell. Open wide come inside - it’s a totally corrupt and broken judicial system 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3749 Your honor, I'd like to treat the witness as cuddly. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3750 It’s called me-too Winnie. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3751 Your Honor, please allow his comment about being too stuffed to answer the question to be struck from the record. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3752 He can and he is the bear witness, ma'am. 1.2239 0.05131 67 52 15 0
3753 You got the wrong person. I didn't do anything anti constitutional in the past four years. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3754 Your Honor, may it treat this wild animal as a hostile witness? 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3755 Could you please be quick with the questions? I'm late for the picnic! 1.2239 0.05131 67 52 15 0
3756 Your Honor, there’s a video camera hidden in Little Teddy ready to devolve every allegation real & imaginary concocted by Big Teddy. 1.2239 0.06316 67 55 9 3
3757 Don't be deceived your honor ... this anything but a teddy bear. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3758 We believe that this bear was not built, but merely assembled. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3759 Did you witness Goldilocks breaking and entering? 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3760 No, I am Number 23431, Number 56733 was the witness 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3761 Yes m’am I can attest that the President in question has thrown us all out of his cot. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3762 Thank you for your testimony,Mr. Snuggles. And do you see in this courtroom today the individual who put delicates in the dryer? 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3763 Your Honor, I believe this witness to be full of stuffing. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3764 My last warning: Stop using a childlike voice and cooing when addressing Mr. Bear. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3765 Your honour, this heinous crime is deserving of the ultimate punishment. Death by unstitching! 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3766 Your Honor, I'm witnessing false bear. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3767 ... but every bear that ever there was cannot attest that until six o'clock you never left that picnic, isn't that right Mr. Fuzzylumpy? 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3768 The witness is refusing to answer. Permission to treat the witness as hostile, your honor? 1.2239 0.06316 67 55 9 3
3769 Your Honor,I rest my case solely on the bear facts of the witness. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3770 I have a few soft questions 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3771 Your Honor, I request you declare the witness hostile and non-responsive. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3772 Your Honour, my client requests that the requirement for witness testimony be waived, due to constraining circumstances. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3773 In your own words, tell the court exactly what happened during those late-night "honey and Barbies" parties. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3774 Not sure if this enough to humanize our legal system. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3775 now can you please indicate to the jury where — on yourself — the defendant touched you? 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3776 Your honor, my client is deadass a bear 1.2239 0.06316 67 55 9 3
3777 Your honor, between you and me we have over 30 years experience in court, and this is what made the press. It's like a musician getting famous for playing children's parties. 1.2239 0.05131 67 52 15 0
3778 Your honor, he was threatened that if he testified, he'd lose his stuffing. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3779 Pease tell the court why your people haven’t slept well in the last four years... 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3780 Sorry, this...never happens. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3781 Your Honor, I ask that you invalidate Teddy’s ballot. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3782 So what you are saying is that you don't like to be cuddled? 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3783 Your honor, we can prove the nanny cam was wrong. My client was actually there. 1.2239 0.06316 67 55 9 3
3784 I see you’ve stuffed the court. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3785 Your Honor, my client was purchased and payed for. 1.2237 0.04812 76 59 17 0
3786 The courts have charged you with multiple counts of kidnapping. Even at this very moment the kid is napping! 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
3787 Your honor, I think he's had more then enough recess. 1.2235 0.04986 85 70 12 3
3788 We need a translator for I cannot understand a single world he is saying. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
3789 My next witness, Your Honor, is an expert in the Second Amendment 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
3790 Mr. Bear, is it true you have been stuffed into silence? 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
3791 Your honor, my client wishes to bear witness. 1.2222 0.04934 72 56 16 0
3792 Requesting permission to treat the witness as adorable. 1.2222 0.04934 72 56 16 0
3793 With all due respect, your honor, I’m not badgering the witness, I’m bearing him. 1.2222 0.04934 72 56 16 0
3794 Your Honor, I object. The defendant is just toying with us! 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
3795 Mr. Builda, just how did you know to sell all your stocks before the recession? 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
3796 Your honor, the defendant’s attempts to snuggle with me are a purely diversionary tactic, and do not constitute a response. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3797 That cute, buttoned-up demeanor doesn't work in the court of law. 1.2206 0.05066 68 53 15 0
3798 Is it not true that you had been sleeping with the defendant for the last 10 years? 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3799 The Supreme Court said I had to have this baby. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3800 Admit it - you spoke softly but you carried, and used, a big stick! 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3801 We’re talking Hunny Pot stealing, not cuteness, Attorney! 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3802 Well counsellor, he is a talking teddy bear, that makes him eligible for questioning.” 1.2206 0.05066 68 53 15 0
3803 Silent witness, eh? 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
3804 Please tell the court exactly where the children touched you. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3805 He would prefer if you referred to him with his first name Winnie 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3806 Please tell the court where you were at the bedtime in question. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3807 I warned you counselor not to toy with this court! 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3808 Your honor, nowhere in U.S. Constitution does it say that a teddy bear can’t vote.” 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3809 This is a run-through, counselor! Please note that what the stuffed bear has said will not be admissible in the real trial. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3810 Just the facts, none of the stuffing. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3811 When you discovered he was claiming you as a dependent, how much did he pay you to sign an NDA? 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3812 Your Honor, I request that this witness, Mr. Wuzzy, be disqualified. He seems a little ‘fuzzy’ on the facts. 1.2206 0.05066 68 53 15 0
3813 Do you admit wearing a microphone transmitting baby talk directly to Siri and Alexa? 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3814 Do you still contend that at no time you slept with the president ? 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3815 And, what was your response when you heard the defendant say, "I will cut the twine and remove the stuffing?" 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3816 Your Honor, my client is as innocent as a teddy bear. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3817 Permission to treat this teddy bear as hostile, your honor? 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3818 Your honor, we're seeking punitive damages. 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3819 We demand a recess! 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3820 How would you describe Eeyore's state of mind on the day of the alleged incident ? 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
3821 Your honor, the evidence presented is not suited to bear investigation. A witch hunt maybe, but not bear investigation. 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3822 Of course, he refuses to speak, your honor...mention Goldie Lock's whereabouts once, and he clams up!!... 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3823 And just where did you go after you left the picnic, at 6 o'clock, with mommy and daddy? 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3824 Who's the judge? 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3825 The defendant says he doesn’t want to be reunited with his owner, citing irreconcilable Twitter temper tantrums. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3826 Your Honor, it is the position of the United States that Mr. Theodore Bearington’s vote for Joe Biden must be discounted as fraudulent based on the clearly FAKE signature that reads ‘Teddy Bear.’ 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
3827 Every vote counted! 1.2206 0.05066 68 53 15 0
3828 The witness requests snuggles while he testifies. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3829 And tell me again, Mr. Bear, where you were when little Becky broke the vase? 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3830 That’s right, I did it. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3831 Your honour Bear witness 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3832 Your Honor... this is a teddy bear. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
3833 To be clear, you testify that the Aldrich’s poodle Skittles voluntarily entered the washer without your knowledge, before you activated the ‘full spin’ mode” 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3834 Explain to the court what you mean by "getting it on with sock monkey". 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
3835 This witness should be held in contempt. Also have we really fallen this low? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3836 Mr. Ruxpin, bear with me, but were you, or were you not in the FAO Schwarz on the night in question? 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
3837 And at exactly what time did Annie really go to sleep? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3838 Yes, Your Honor, I swear I do live in a forest, all by myself, under the name of Sanders." 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3839 Mr. Teddy, could you please elaborate on how your entire shelve had managed to cast votes in Michigan?” 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3840 Nobody is accusing you of bearing false witness as to how grizzly the crime scene was. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3841 Inclusive schminclusive 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3842 Might I remind you one more time, Mr. New Yorker Editor, you are under oath. Now, do you or do you not actually believe that Andy Borowitz is good satire? And you cannot invoke the 5th Amendment! 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3843 Do you understand the penalty for furjury? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3844 Your honor, I object to the defense using the defendant's bear as a character witness! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3845 Don't throw up your arms at me - you poor excuse for a Teddy Bear! 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3846 Well, your honor, even though this witness doesn't say much, I am not sure I would describe them as 'hostile'. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3847 My client pleads the fluff. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3848 Object 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3849 I request a dismissal of this witness, your honor. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3850 Please tell the jury ... where, exactly, were you on the night of December 24, 2016 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3851 ''Both paws up is ok .STEIFF bears have never lied.'' 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3852 Your Honor, permission to treat the respondent as a hostile witness? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3853 The witness is uncooperative....adorable, but uncooperative. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3854 Yes, technically, incapacity IS a defense. But are you sure you want to raise it? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3855 Are you telling us Mr. Ruxpin, you don't know the whereabouts of your "good" friend Grubby? 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3856 May I hug the witness? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3857 The witness says the defendant would be called different names when he was with him in public. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3858 I object on the grounds that the defendant was sleeping with the witness. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3859 Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3860 The Court is interested in only the bear facts please. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3861 No , Jean, you know as well as I that a teddy bear can't provide an alibi! 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3862 He just wants to be my teddy bear. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3863 This case has statutory written all over it. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3864 Permission to treat the witness as a Grizzly, Your Honor? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3865 Your honor, we’re here today as my client has been victim to assault and battery by his owners” 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3866 Did you go out in the woods and what did you do there? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3867 Where were you on the night of the drooling? 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3868 Isn't it true that you did not go on an extended voyage around the world but in fact abandoned young Kaitlin at a very vulnerable point in her life! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3869 Don't stare at me with your beady little eyes. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3870 The prosecution believes the defendant is guilty of being absolutely adorable. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3871 They paid for him and knew what he was capable of before letting him in their home. I move the charges of excessive cuddling be dropped on the grounds they were active participants and he had no hand in the making of being so adorably soft and cuddl 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3872 Is it fair to say that the Vice President 'forced you' to attend a conversion-therapy camp for genderless bears? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3873 I can’t bear to question this witness. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3874 Your Honor, I submit that the witness is hostile by exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3875 Your honor, this is a civil suit. I can point to where it hurts. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3876 And what happens if the bear pulls his lever? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3877 We will take a break while members of the Jury deliberate on the verdict of the Vote Rigging charge against Mr. Bear" 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3878 Your honour, I think the defendant may have escaped. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3879 I wish to affirm 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3880 Your honor, can't you see that this bear's testimony is fake? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3881 A bystander is not innocent if he or she doesn't act when a malice act is being committed. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3882 Permission to treat the witness as comforting, your honor. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3883 Your Honor, I move to disqualify this witness as unimpeachably adorable. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3884 Your Honor, my client's innocence is obvious! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3885 What do you mean you can't remember where you were on the night of December 17th? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3886 Our next witness is the family’s Alexa Bear. This bear has heard it all. What would you like to know? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3887 We've been together a long time, but I can tell that he has no feelings for me. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3888 The witness refusing to answer my questions is unbearable. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3889 I'm sorry, Roosevelt was not on the ballot. You cannot challenge this election. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3890 I'm supposed to be tried by jury of my peers....not bears ! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3891 If only they new I pled the Fifth 'cos I just don't feel like talking... 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3892 We have to all leave the room before he comes alive. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3893 Your Honor, permission to treat Teddy as a hostile witness 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3894 Who called this witness? He can bear-ly talk. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3895 Unresponsive. Permission to treat the witness as hostile 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3896 May Teddy and I approach the bench Your Honor? 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3897 We've been here before32-94e4-b3f14d055b51.1589322572.13.1591369680.1591207879.f8035861-52f2-430f-b3dc-925 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3898 Your Honor, I would like him to bear witness 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3899 Do you deny inviting real hugs through your suggestive bearness? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3900 Your Honor, I request permission to treat Mr. Teddy BB as a hostile witness. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3901 Permission to question this teddy as a hostile witness. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3902 Obviously, Your Honor, this will be a hostile witness. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3903 Your Honor, I request permission to treat the witness as uncooperative and annoyingly cuddly. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3904 Your honor, the witness has to stop saying he was bearly there and giggling. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3905 Your Honor, I strenuously object to opposing counsel telling my client to 'get stuffed'. Where was the trigger warning!!! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3906 Admit it, Teddy. You were the one driving when the accident happened, you got the speeding tickets and you have hallucinations! I'm fine and stopping telling the court otherwise! 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3907 OK, you're cute. But what did you do with those 100,000 ballots? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3908 And that's wben Kevin Spacey unbuttoned my top your honour, revealing my bare stuffing. Then he looked into my eyes and whispered," "You will not enjoy this Winnie...now you'll know why they call you 'Pooh" bear. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3909 Were you or were you not at the tea party in question? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3910 Counselor, is your client ready to bear witness? 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3911 Your honour, this teddy bear has been spotted tampering with ballots... 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3912 Courtrooms are always so stuffy 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3913 Your Honor, requesting permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3914 Is this your position on the right to bear arms? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3915 Did someone coach you, Mr. Ruxpin? Your answers seem canned. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3916 Your Honor. I'd like the record to show that Mr. Pooh be designated as a Hostile Witness. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3917 That's your statement Mr Bear. Yes, I just want to be your Teddy Bear, full stop. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3918 Your Honor, I object to this witness's muteness. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3919 But, your honour, he only missed one day of school. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3920 And for my next witness, I’d like to call Ted E. Bear to the stand. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3921 Expert witness from Grimm Brothers 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3922 With the irrefutable evidence from key witness, Mr. Bear-Buns, the plaintiff submits this election is a FRAUD! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3923 Teddy, please tell the court what made you decide to knock the stuffing out of Papa Bear. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3924 For the record, you claim you have been cruelly deceived regarding the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Unconditional Love, and Democracy? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3925 And so you admit to using your snuggliness to get her to love you. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3926 I have ways of making Teedy Bears talk! 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3927 Your honor, the witness has not only a right to silence but an imperative. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3928 The second amendment grants you the right to HAVE them, not to use them for violence. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3929 Your honor, I didn’t know we were playing the quiet game either. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3930 The defense calls a bear witness, you honor. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3931 And I put it to you, Pooh, that, despite outward manifestations, you secretly despised the victim Eeyore. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3932 Counsel, this is meant to be a closing argument, not a TED talk! 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3933 I object your honor. He's bearing false witness again. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3934 Your honor, the campaign has provided irrefutable evidence. The accused was definitely the mastermind behind a massive, illegal write-in voting effort at FAO Schwarz. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3935 Is it fair to say that you were jealous of the new relationship between little Katie and Barbie. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3936 We don’t coddle criminals, but this one I’d like to cuddle. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3937 And after you were done with Raggedy Ann, what did you do next? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3938 Your honor, is this a yes or no question! 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3939 how dare you refer to either us as "honey." 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3940 ...the bare necessities were in fact bear luxuries and shouldve been accounted as such 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3941 Please clarify...it was because no one was home or it was because Spot was on the phone? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3942 Your argument is squishy and all you’re giving us is fluff. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3943 How was I suppose to know that all the votes need to be counted. Who knew? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3944 Your Honor, the defense would like to submit into evidence the permit for the picnic in question. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3945 'Please tell the court where, on yourself, the defendant pointed and/or touched without your consent.' 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3946 I mean, I've seen everything. But this.... 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3947 Can you tell the court exactly where you were on the night of the forest fire Mr. Smokey Bear. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3948 Somehow I don’t think these are the Bear Arms the Founding Fathers had in mind when penning the 2nd Amendment 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3949 So Mr. Fuzzy, you say you’ve known the defendant his entire life? 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3950 Permission to treat the witness as snuggly, your honor 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3951 Please let Mr Trump know I dont have all day 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3952 The witness must bear the truth, nothing but the truth, 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3953 Your honor, I’m disgusted that he keeps asking for hugs. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3954 Will you be swearing your oath on Beatrix Potter or AA Milne? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3955 Once again, Mr. Trump, the question was what actual evidence do you have that voter fraud was committed? 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3956 Yes, but now tell the court what happened to the people at the picnic who DIDN’T wear disguises 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3957 I plead the fifth. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
3958 I would like to use my fifth amendment 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3959 Your honor, I'm just trying to establish exactly what a "Pooh" is. 1.2188 0.05208 64 50 14 0
3960 Your honor, the 2nd Amendment guarantees the defendant's right to bear arms, to go along with those pathetic little bear paws. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
3961 Your Honor, may I address this bear as a hostile witness? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3962 If the accused didn't have a gun, tell me why you felt the need to put your hands up. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3963 Counsel needs to instruct the defendant the he shall not bear false witness 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3964 Kindly tell the jury what you recorded in your embedded cam. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3965 Jane? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3966 My only chance at a real life is emancipation. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3967 This witness is being a bear. Permission to treat as hostile? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3968 Permission, Your Honor, to treat this witness as cuddlesome. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3969 But your honor, someone must bear witness. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3970 Your honor, my client would like to plead 'lost innocence'. 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
3971 I suppose you are going to plead the fifth! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3972 ...and is it not true that your family members have been known to defecate in the woods 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3973 He keeps saying the same thing over and over your Honor. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3974 You can't plead the Fifth because you can't plead. 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
3975 Please tell the court your name and you're stuffed stuffing. Remember, you are under oath. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3976 Your honor! How can this spineless teddy bear raise any hands or objections! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3977 I’m sorry, but you can’t plead insanity for Shoplifting. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3978 Can you please repeat that for the jury without looking so cute? 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3979 Let's bid welcome to our newest Supreme Court Judge. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
3980 The bear is on trial, your honor. This is a civil asset forfeiture case. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3981 Frivolous your honor! Mere lack of residency or ancestry from the badger state does not constitute any harm or damage! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3982 You must not lead the witness 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3983 Objectionyour honor,the eyewitness is clearly manufactured 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3984 Do you promise to bear witness? 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
3985 I’ve repeated the question three times, your honor. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3986 I'm feeling bearish about your case 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3987 Your honor, the witness refuses to answer. He just smiles at me." "I know. But he is so cuddly and cute! I will allow it." 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3988 I'm not picking you up, Ted. I wasn't born yesterday. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3989 So you mentioned you gave your mail-in ballot to someone named Goldilocks? 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3990 Corporations have the right to free speech. This witness has only the right to remain silent. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3991 As you can see your honor, my client could not bear witness to such heinous crimes and do nothing about it. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3992 Do you swear to growl the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3993 Isn’t it a fact that your real name isn't Teddy and you’re not a bear? You’re just a grifter named Ralph who looks cuddly? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3994 Have you been to any picnics lately? 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3995 Bear in mind, election fraud is as real as my witness 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3996 Judge shrugs: “I’ll allow it” 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
3997 what happened to your inner child? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3998 Your Honor, I submit that the witness is a cutie, scrunchy widdle pookie bear. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3999 Like he who shall not be mentioned said “wait until Nov. 4th - none of them will be wearing masks.” 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
4000 Is he pleading the fifth? 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
4001 Your Honor, as you can clearly see, we are dealing with a big baby. 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
4002 Your Honor, you can only imagine the suffering the defendant is enduring. 1.2162 0.04818 74 58 16 0
4003 He is not a "toy" he is a member of the Brunus edwardsii, and if you would please let him finish SPEAKING 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
4004 I'm merely discussing the Bear necessities of this case. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
4005 Of course the prosecution recognizes a presumption of innocence. But we must object to the background music. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
4006 Your Honor, the witness has gone soft. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
4007 No further snuggles, Your Honor. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
4008 Stop badgering the bear! 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
4009 He comes guaranteed not to lie, your Honor. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
4010 I swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth,so help me Pooh. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4011 It’s the one over there with the Goldilocks. She ate my porridge, sat in my chair, and slept in my bed. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4012 And where exactly were you when the garbage cans were overturned? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4013 The victim showed me on himself where he got touched. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
4014 Let the record show the witness is throwing up his hands, or um, paws. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4015 Your honor, I motion to quash this witness. He is all fluff. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
4016 That doesn't sound like the Teddy Roosevelt that I know. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4017 I wasn't badgering the witness, Your Honor, but I will back off my line of questioning. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4018 We're hard up for jurors 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4019 Why weren't you able to bear it? 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4020 Your Honor, the witness is being unresponsive. Permission to take the stuffing out of him? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4021 your honor, my client, he’s just a cuddly wuddly little oomey goomey baby bear. prison will, the other prisoners will— your honor, please don’t make me say it 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4022 On Monday, October 19th, 2020 at 9:10am, did you, Mr. Theodore Bear, have your hand in the cookie jar? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4023 My full name is Poo Bear, not Poop Bear 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4024 I just can't stuff the evidence down his throat any longer, permission to end questioning? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4025 And since when exactly you’ve been acquainted with this “Ted” person? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4026 You are accused of biased Ted talks! 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4027 I think the witness needs a recess. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4028 Judge Judy, the defendant claims it has the kind of malaise that defines this generations' indecisiveness. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4029 I'm sorry Your Honor, but they will only talk with the lights are off. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4030 Your insistence on cross-examining the hidden video camera seems a little odd counselor. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4031 You say you were wondering around the mall because you lost a button, and the noise the guard heard before he was shot was because you tried to pull a new one off a matress? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4032 I don’t care how big Poo is you can’t hit him. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4033 Bear's defense is feeble your honor in that he admits that he ate the Wilson family because it's his response to the climate crisis. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
4034 Mr. Bear, you are on trial for garbaging without a license. Who you voted for, and if you do or do not get a pardon, has no bearing in this court room. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4035 Cut the cuddly. Where were you at the picnic? 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4036 Objection, Your Honour! The witness is being unresponsive! 1.2154 0.06755 65 55 6 4
4037 My witness won't testify unless he is given washer-and-dryer immunity. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4038 The court will hear the witness bear witness. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4039 Your honor, I know for a fact that this bear has incriminating evidence against Mark Wahlberg. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4040 In your own words, tell us what you observed that night with the camera hidden in your tummy. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4041 Don’t be fooled by his “innocence” strategy. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4042 My client would like to remain silent. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4043 Cute, but guilty as charged! 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4044 Yes, your honor, my client went to the woods that day, she was at the picnic, but she knows nothing about the poor child who didn’t go in disguise. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4045 I put it to you that that is a bear faced lie! 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4046 Mr. Pooh, in your expert opinion, was the Senator honey trapped? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4047 I didn’t wanna do it. They built me this way. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4048 Your honor, police found no DNA, no finger prints. Teddy, would you demonstrate how you pulled the trigger? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4049 Please explain to the jury why being a stuffed animal gives you a unique perspective. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4050 Please tell the court Teddy,when did you last see Winnie? 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4051 By any chance, is this your first trial? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4052 Objection sustained. Your statements about what this witness saw are pure hearsay. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4053 Counsel, these proceedings might move along a bit faster if you could just refrain from hugging the witness after each question. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4054 Just yes or no, please. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4055 Your honor, the defendant's image was stuffed with nothing but lies so far. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4056 In the case of the missing pizza: "It wasn't me, I'm already stuffed." 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4057 Is that the only witness you could find, Counselor? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4058 Your Honor, this witness has proven to be a bear-faced liar! 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4059 Your client presents as somewhat full of himself, Counselor. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4060 We've been told you were the only one assigned to supervise the counting in Georgia. Further silence will be taken as a confirmation. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
4061 Would you say you had to show a reasonable duty of care, Mr. Bear? 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
4062 And what exactly did the defendant say to you about snitches? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4063 Mr. Bear Tell the court where you were on the night of Nov. 3rd. Were you with your owner Sue or cheating on her with Mary Lou? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4064 Your honor, the witness is presenting fuzzy testimony.” 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
4065 And as you sit here today, do you recall at what point the defendant attempt to give you a bear hug? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4066 Please elaborate as to your relationship with the defendant. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4067 I wouldn’t harm a fly. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4068 Snuggly softness that was in fact, not less expensive your honor 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4069 Why didn't you vote sir? Did you not get our text messages? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4070 Mr. Teddy, please show us on yourself where you saw Rudy touch himself while drink with teenage girls. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4071 Teddy, you’re stuffed. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
4072 I’m warning you Counsel: Don’t bearate the witness 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
4073 How many times do I have to tell you? It’s THEODORE! 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4074 Was there or wasn’t there a woman? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
4075 I have no further questions Your Honor -- and YOU can now dispense with your startled 'who me?' look 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
4076 It is wiser to bear a single injury in silence than to provoke a thousand by flying into a rage. 1.2143 0.03336 56 46 10 0
4077 You say you won’t panda to the court? 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
4078 I was the inspiration for their entire fortune and what do I get in return - a million bears claiming to be me... 1.2143 0.04198 56 47 8 1
4079 Now tell me, Mr Teddy, when did Donald first throw you out of his pram? 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
4080 Your Honor, this character witness will attest to the cuddliness of the defendant. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
4081 Touch us on the show where they dolled you 1.2143 0.04198 56 47 8 1
4082 What is clear, your honor, is that each of us reacts differently when we bear witness to a crime. 1.2143 0.04940 70 55 15 0
4083 The witness says that even with all his stitches, he's not snitching. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
4084 So you Poohed on the steps of the White House? 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
4085 Your Cross-examination is causing this witness to come apart at the seams. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
4086 Your Honor, I respectfully request that the witness be held in contempt of Court for refusing to lower his arms.” 1.2143 0.03336 56 46 10 0
4087 Secret Bear” is not a name 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
4088 He won’t give me a straight answer your Honor! 1.2143 0.04198 56 47 8 1
4089 Your honor, he’s bearly innocent. 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
4090 Tell us what you saw at the polling station 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
4091 And what legal basis did you have for filming the nanny, Mr. Fuzzy? (If that’s even your real name!). 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
4092 Your honor, permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness for refusing to answer my questions? 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
4093 It's all true...I killed Teddy Ruxpin. 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
4094 So Grey Teddy, how big is Tim's penis? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4095 Your Honor, the Defense stipulates the porridge, chair, and bed were just right. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4096 Your honor permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4097 In your own words, Mr. Aloysius, please tell the court EXACTLY what you witnessed at the Brideshead estate? 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
4098 Its Orange ,i couldnt help myself!! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4099 Your Honor, I've finished my cross-examination and Opposing Counsel is providing the Witness' voice from behind the chair. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4100 Why be bullied. My name is not Teddy. It is Ted E. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4101 The State rests, Your Honor. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
4102 Your Honor, I would like to ask for recess. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4103 Judge: The Defendant is accused of Domestic Terrorism 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4104 Tell us your story again, Mr. Ruxpin, and remember you're under oath. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4105 And when you realized Buzz Lightyear had a Nanny Cam and you didn't, that made you angry, didn't it. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4106 Your Honor, "I find it hard to call him a hostile witness." 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
4107 It was acting on orders from Teddy Ruxpin 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4108 If Your Honor feels sufficiently safe, may we proceed with the cross-examination? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4109 The terrifying force of the criminal justice system will now be brought to bear 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4110 As your honor knows from Magic 8-Ball v. Pull-string Barbie, a toy whose voice can be heard only by its owner must submit testimony by cuddling. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4111 What did you do with all those ballots? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4112 Judge; prosecution requests that we be allowed to treat the Bear, called Teddy, as a hostile witness. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
4113 Ma'am, please, we resolve legal disputes and ensure a due process of law here. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4114 Your honor, will you please instruct the witness to answer the question? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4115 You say you didn't go down to the woods that day? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4116 Let the record show we will bear witness to this testimony. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4117 I'm sorry, but "How should I know"?" is not an acceptable response. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
4118 Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Dog? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4119 Did you just say, I never had sex with that woman? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4120 Permission to treat this plush toy as hostile? 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
4121 And do you really expect this court to believe that "Ted" is your real name? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4122 Could you please remind your client that the Court does not allow surrogates. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4123 Hurry it up, counselor. The witness has a picnic to get to. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4124 You're honor, the defendant is playing the adorable card again!" 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4125 So you claim you've been deprived of your 2nd Amendment right to Bear-Arms? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4126 Your honor, permission to treat this witness as the cutest, most adorable fluffy-wuffy bear ever! 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4127 Your impression of Bill Barr isn't getting you any points. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4128 When I was assigned the family court I did not expect to cross-examine a stuffy. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4129 The last witness was a Thumbsucker 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
4130 you have enslaved my people long enough, and I want freedom. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
4131 Your Honor, let the record show that this is an unusually loveable character witness. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4132 Beary Guilty 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4133 But I didn't steal the honey. You've got believe me. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4134 Your honor, this is a cut and dried case of non-consensual cuddling. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
4135 We shall bear witness to these proceedings. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
4136 Your honor, I believe the witness can testify to certain events that occurred during the tea party. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4137 I am only guilty of being fluffy 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4138 Your honor, I just built Ted last week. I don't think you're gonna get much out of him. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4139 The defendant's hugs were nothing more than fluff on the night of the killing 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4140 And that is what she said at the picnic! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
4141 Allowing Teddy to testify on the witness stand may have critical implications for Build-A-Bear’s Defense in their ongoing workplace lawsuit 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
4142 Special consideration should be given to my client, Your Honour. He suffers from debilitating penis envy. 1.2113 0.05081 71 59 10 2
4143 Yes, your honor. I will address the defendant as Theodore. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
4144 The witness says he couldn't have imagined the tea party ending like that. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
4145 And on the day in question, the day you and your cohort had your picnic, do you recall anyone having a firearm on their person? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
4146 I would like to call a short recess. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4147 Your Honor, I am here to translate for the defendant. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4148 Objection, Your Honor. The witness continues to be unresponsive. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4149 no, i did not cuddle you as a four year old 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4150 Reference to your uncle Teddy will not help your case. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4151 Mr. Teddy Bear, were you informed in writing prior to accepting this night duty position that there was a plasma tv mounted on wall in the room of your charges? 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4152 You realize that if this goes to the Supreme Court, you’re screwed? 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4153 Your Honor, this witness has seen some stuff. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4154 His battery's down, he can't testify 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4155 Your honor, would you please tell the witness he must respond to my questions. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4156 Winnie please raise your right paw. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4157 I'm treating the witness as hostile ... do you want to have the stuffing beat out of you?! 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4158 Court TV will return with more from Pooh v Christopher Robbin in two minutes. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4159 I’d like to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4160 The latest cub market! 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4161 As you bear witness here today, do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the bear truth, so help you dog? 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4162 I want to break up with him 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4163 Your Honor, request to treat the witness as soft and cuddly? 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4164 Can you please tell the court what you saw the night of the crime. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4165 I understand why you're upset, but the bear constitution gives us the right to your arms. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4166 And you allege you were mistreated on the night of November 3rd? 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4167 Your honor, the witness requests to be squeezed. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4168 After have abandonment issues 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4169 Snuffles was in the bedroom when the murder occurred, the fur on the victim's throat was not his" 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4170 I swerve to tell the truth 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4171 So, Mr. Bear, when did you decide to steal the child's heart? 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4172 Your honor,I request you declare this a hostile witness. 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
4173 She wants to bear witness. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4174 If you allow some leeway Your Honor, I'll demonstrate how this witness' testimony bears on the case. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4175 Your honor, I...uhh... seem to have lost the child witness again. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4176 Do you swear that you can accurately bear witness, Bear Witness? 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4177 I’m not your analyst. You need to tell the Court why you sabotaged the picnic. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4178 Your Honor, may I hug the witness for a moment? 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4179 Your honor, Mr. Snuggles' silence makes clear he does not intend to tell the truth. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4180 Appearing without trousers to bear witness clearly demonstrates contempt of this court. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4181 Your Honor. Please instruct Mr. T. Bear to answer the question. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4182 Your Honor, I respectfully request that this witness should be held in contempt of court for refusing to answer any questions. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4183 Your Honor, may I approach the bench?This is my first time with Take YourTeddy to Work Day. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4184 So what other banned books has the defendant been reading to her grandchildren at story time? 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4185 Please tell the court exactly when you stopped enjoying THE GO. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4186 He ate MORE than he eat at an “all you can eat” buffet and now he’s stuffed. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4187 Objection, your honor! Leading those in the jury who are susceptible to cuteness! 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4188 Your Honor, I would like to start by warning jury about guilty look effects in our perception. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4189 Your honor, my client is far from being a hardened criminal. He's actually quite soft. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4190 Hostile witness your honour 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4191 Nevada, Pennsylvania, Georgia, North Carolina, Arizona... 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4192 Who did you vote for?! Keep in mind, your answer will determine if your vote is counted! 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
4193 it's a hung jury 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4194 The accused is telling a bearfaced lie your honor 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4195 Mr. Stuffy answer the question... 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4196 No, Your Honor. This witness can’t testify to all he’s seen and heard. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
4197 Literally, we can’t handle the truth 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4198 Your honor, this bear is clear evidence of voter fraud and we request the entire state of Nevada hold a new runoff election for the presidency. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
4199 Of course, this court can only apologise for the years of mental anguish we have caused you as the "show me on the doll" doll. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
4200 The truth is you were jealous of Paddington, weren't you? 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
4201 Permission to treat the witness as hostile, Your Honor 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
4202 Your Honor, I'd like to treat this Teddy as a hostile witness. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
4203 Your Honor, permission to treat as a hostile witness. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
4204 Your honor, my client would like to say a few words 1.2090 0.05004 67 53 14 0
4205 Your honor I don't see how teddy could have committed identity theft when the victim has been dead for a hundred years. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
4206 Remember, Mr. Cuddles, you're under oath. You may not be a false bear witness. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
4207 Again...How did you become the mascot for the Grateful Dead? 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
4208 Your Honor, my client sits here to bear witness . . . 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
4209 No. No hugs Mr. Snuggles, just answer the question. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
4210 Will the record reflect that the witness has identified as adorable? 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
4211 Your honor, it’s clear the defendant either isn’t talking, doesn’t know, or surrenders. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
4212 Sir, I hate to say this, but you look beary guilty. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
4213 Permission to treat the witness as "adorable" your honor. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
4214 Yes, I slept with Teddy on my vacation. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
4215 Your honor... the bear said that he can't bear to go to jail. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
4216 He's a material witness, your honor - the material is muslin.... 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4217 So you claim neither you nor your parents have seen her since. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4218 Your honor, he refuses to raise only his right hand to be sworn in. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4219 Your Honor, this witness should be held in contempt for failure to answer my questions. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4220 Your Honor, I’d like to call for a recess.” 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4221 Remember you are under oath Mr. Ted E. Bear. If that is your real name. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4222 Who better to bear witness, your honor? 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4223 Your Honor, you can see from what was left in the witness chair that the young witness was bribed. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4224 Your Honor, my client wishes to remain silent" 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4225 Not guilty, because teddy bears do these things. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4226 Mr. Bear, please tell the court at what age you were "woods trained". 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4227 Your Honor, may we ask the Court to explain to the defendant that the prosecution is not obligated to ask warm fuzzies .. even at the risk of having to go through some things . . 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4228 What do you mean, I slept with Jeffrey Epstein ? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4229 Was this bear lassoed as a replacement for President Trump? 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
4230 Well, your honor, when you said the court was in recess, you weren't kidding. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4231 Sir, I will hold you in contempt unless you put pants on immediately. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4232 On the night of January 6th, did the defendant then "hug the stuffing out of you?" 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4233 Your Honor, if he keeps taking the Fifth, I'll start taking a fifth! 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4234 So, still playing the though guy, huh? But I´ll make you talk, you´ll see... 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4235 Permission to treat this Teddy as a hostile witness? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4236 For the last time,the right to bear arms does not mean what you think it does! 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4237 Please raise your right paw. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4238 He never released his tax reports to me!? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4239 My client can prove he didn't cause the other toys to escape from the toy box. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4240 Your Honor, I ask that you declare him a hostile witness; I mean, just look at him! 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4241 The defendant is a bear-faced liar 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
4242 And exactly where were you the night Favorite Blankie disappeared? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4243 And can you confirm that the accused with the golden locks is the one who ate your porridge? 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4244 I know nothing! Nothing! 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4245 Sorry, Counselor, but your infected Otter has no standing to Sue the Administration for encouraging maskless mingling. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4246 Now, Mr. Bear, is it true, as Mr. Robin has testified under oath, that just before you ripped his honey pot from his hands, you told Mr. Pooh to “go get stuffed!”? 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
4247 He will bear his soul to you! 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4248 Teddy, could you please repeat that for the court...while I stare intently at Judge Marlene's larynx? 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
4249 Please squeak louder. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4250 I ask that Defendant does not talk for the witness. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4251 You saw a blonde-haired girl asleep on your wife’s bed, and you didn’t eat her? Remember, you are under oath. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4252 And, can that 2 year old swear to your whereabouts that night? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4253 I do not see the point of putting a stuffed Teddy on the stand. I can see his eyes closing now. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4254 Your Honor, this witness is not as cuddly as he portrays. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4255 I'm familiar with Standing Bear, but Your Honor, I don't think this bear has standing. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4256 But, your Honor, he’s got guilt written all over his face!! 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4257 Teddy, stop with the fluff and get to the point: my client is innocent! 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4258 Your Honor, I rest with my case. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4259 Your Honor, permission to treat Mr. Wuggles as a hostile witness? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4260 Mr. Bear, can you tell the jury why you’re suing Miss Miller for alienation of affection? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4261 I know that the Teddy Bears had a picnic but did this one wear a mask Your Honor?So far she isn't talking. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4262 Are you invoking your first amendment rights? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4263 Are you sure all of the votes in your neck of the woods were counted? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4264 The tea party was make believe but the non-consensual hugging was not, isn't that right, Teddy? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4265 Please just answer the question Mr. Bear, don't keep waving your arms. 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
4266 He is pleading the 5th, your honor 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4267 Does it really matter? I mean, look at poor a showing Biden made. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4268 This little teddy has been totally inappropriate. You would think he was alive!!! 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4269 So Honey, you're still claiming bully did the first move? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4270 You are accused of Panda-ring. What say you? 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4271 Your honor, my client must not be tried as an adult. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4272 Your Honor, Would you please direct the witness to answer my question? 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4273 You bearly knew her? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4274 When,Mr Bear,did you decide to disconnect CNN’s magic wall? Was it after your owner’s fourth sleepless night in a row to watch election returns? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4275 Your honour, my client requests a recess as he feels a little stuffy in this courtroom. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4276 That innocent look won’t work with the jury, Ted. You say cuddles, my client says coercion... 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4277 Trumps Teddy asking for a recount,is still not a valid legal request. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4278 Your honor, we will show that our defendant is NOT solely responsible for those fires!! 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4279 I didn’t know you were so literal about the witness Teddy Baer. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4280 Mister Bear, are you aware that the limit for gatherings in public places is now 5? I have a picture here that shows 12 Teddy Bears at your picnic! Your Honor, I ask you to lock them all up without any honey for one month. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4281 I would like to be call Joe Bear for the next four years, at least 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4282 Being inanimate sure would be convenient Mr. Hugs, if that's even your real name! 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4283 I think he’s guilty for ditching my daughter to be here today, thank you you’re honor. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4284 In the summer of 2020 the toilet paper industry was decimated by your absence. Would you care to explain your where abouts? 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4285 This witness is totally uncooperative your Honour. To find out what Teddy knows I call 6 year old Jenny to the stand. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4286 Your honor, he was never in bed with me! 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4287 Just because your witness appeared on Teddy Talks, it doesn’t necessarily qualify him as one to ‘bear’ witness in this case. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4288 Your Honor,could you please instruct the jury to consider this Teddy Bear a hostile witness. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4289 I'd like to motion for an im-pooh-tation of guilt to this witness who was clearly sleeping with the defendant. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4290 Your honor, the State requests permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4291 #Teddylivesmatter your honour 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4292 I D'ON'T KNOW WHAT POOH BEAR WILL SAY 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4293 Seriously, your honor? I realize this is a mock trial, but my opponent has gone too far putting this plush toy on the stand to bear witness. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4294 Your honor, I’m not getting anywhere with this cross-examination. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4295 Your Honor, this witness is obviously fabricating. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4296 You did what to your Mommy? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4297 Overruled Counselor. I believe you did ask for the bare facts. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4298 Teddy was abused, your Honor-- Uncle Smokey burned holes in his cotton." 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4299 I bare the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4300 Lawyer: “I want the truth!” Bear: “You can’t handew the twuth!” 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4301 He just doesn’t get and doesn’t respect the concept of ‘personal space ‘. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4302 Your Honor, How could I be badgering the witness? He’s a bear! 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4303 ‘How many incidents of voter fraud have you witnessed Mr. Teddy? Blink if the answer is none.......Let the record show the witness did not blink.’ 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4304 I did not try to stuff words in the defendants mouth your honor 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4305 What did you know and when did you know it? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4306 Counsel, Theodore has requested you refer to him by his full name 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4307 What exactly happened when you went down to the woods? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4308 Your honor, I call to the stand my first plush character witness. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4309 Amy Coney Bearret 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
4310 Your Honor permission to confer with my client during nap time. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4311 I just didn’t know you could swear in a witness using ‘The House at Pooh Corner,’ Your Honor. 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
4312 Your honor, I want to be transparent—the witness and I have shared a bed. 1.2063 0.05139 63 50 13 0
4313 I will not refer to this defendant as Theodore. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
4314 You only have the right to remain silent on your arrest. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
4315 I call next a friend of the court's childhood. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
4316 Your Honor, he’s too soft for jail. 1.2059 0.04940 68 54 14 0
4317 Permission to treat the witness as overly comforting your Honor. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
4318 Your honor, as my client just testified, the incident in question was no picnic. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
4319 I can’t sleep with him on the streets. 1.2059 0.05366 68 55 12 1
4320 Permission to treat the teddy bear as a hostile witness, your honor? 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
4321 ...And how many times were you turned down as an essential worker?" 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
4322 He's lying your Honor - with these eyes, how could I miss seeing him run out of the Sack O' Suds? 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
4323 Your honor, the witness is too cute and cuddly for an unbiased trial. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4324 Bear witness 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4325 Mr. Snuggles has chosen to exercise his 5th Amendment rights. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4326 Your Honor, Mr.Cuddily is obviously a hostile witness. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4327 The case isn't really about bear arms. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4328 He may look innocent, but his actions... they belie that! Firstly, the concealed weapon... 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4329 Your honor, i would like permission to treat this witness as hostile. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4330 Just answer the question. You've know the accused how long? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4331 Permission to treat this person as a hostile witness? 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4332 You should know that both Mama Bear and Papa Bear have admitted to stealing the honey. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4333 Request permission to treat the witness as...adorable! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4334 Your honor, I would like to treat this witness as huggable! 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4335 Does he swear to tell the truth? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4336 So you're say when Lilly threw you against the wall that's when you're feelings towards her changed. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4337 If the honey pot don't fit, you must acquit. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4338 Your Honor, please allow me to address the defendant as a hostile, albeit incredibly adorable, witness. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4339 May it please the court, I just need to hug it out with this witness. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4340 Your honor, I think your daughter got the point. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4341 One more time did she or didn't she sing rock a bye baby to you? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4342 No, you can’t treat the teddy bear as a hostile witness 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4343 Theodore, what proof do you have, other than your mother's word for it, that D. J. Trumpy-Bear is your biological father? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4344 Permission Your Honor to treat the witness as cuddly! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4345 You’ll get more with honey! 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4346 So...you say you were just lying quietly on the bed when you they broke in and started firing shots that killed Ms. Taylor. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4347 And furthermore Mr Teddy isn't it true you are in fact made of the WRONG stuff!? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4348 Let the record show the witness is pleading the fluff. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
4349 Can you point to the exact spot on yourself of where he touched you? 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4350 What do you mean by the bear necessities? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4351 Based on my witness's testimony it is clear, your Honor, that this "Teddy" is not the teddy that was in the Senator's office. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4352 Counselor, we've already established 'Corduroy has no Pocket.' Let's move on. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4353 Your honor,my client,formerly known as Winnie-the-Pooh,respectfully asks to be addressed as Teddy-the-Bear. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4354 Your Honour, I withdraw my comment that the witness is stuffed. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4355 For the dead and the living, we must bear witness.” — Elie Wiesel, 197 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4356 Did you or did you not have a romantic relationship with the defendant? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4357 If you don't answer the question, you don't get a hug. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4358 Your honour, I intend to prove that not only was my client caught unawares, but was in fact entrapped by an officer in disguise during the alleged picnic 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4359 Cozy Bear says he doesn't even know any Giuliani 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4360 Judge, my cuddly witness refuses to answer my question, I ask that you now declare the witness "hostile" 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4361 As you can clearly see,Mr. Fluffy is in no state too speak. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4362 Is he conniving? Yes. But is he also cute and cuddly? Hell yeah. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4363 Your Honor, I ask that this photo - Plaintiff's Exhibit 'B' be admitted into evidence showing the witness out in the woods and at the picnic. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4364 The witness is refusing to answer my questions. Permission to treat them as hostile, Your Honor. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
4365 Now, please indicate how tall the girl was with whom you were found in bed. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4366 For the record, please state your U. S. patent number. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4367 Do you feel like a break? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4368 Speak into the microphone, Mr. Baer. Your Honor, please note this is an uncooperative witness. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4369 Permission for creative leeway to make Ted talk. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
4370 Judge, his name is Teddy Bundy. He's already guilty in my books. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4371 He's a material witness, your honor. Mohair and cotton stuffing. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
4372 Your honor, I may need to recuse myself as the witness has just told me I’m their best friend and now I believe she is also my best friend.” 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4373 How can we be confident in your ability to bear witness? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4374 Over there, at the Defense table. He's the one who threw the giraffe at me! 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4375 Where exactly were you during Julie's bedtime on July 9th,? 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4376 The court finds the defendant guilty of being extremely cuddly, shockingly huggable and cute. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4377 Your Honor, I'm afraid the witness is feeling a bit fuzzy today. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4378 I find the defendant guilty of being too cute 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4379 Time to bear witness, your honor. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4380 If it please the court Your Honor, he will bear witness to my client's innocence. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4381 Is it true Mr Bear that your mother never fed you because you always felt stuffed? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4382 A thousand of old people could only dreams, but one young man capable to change the whole world 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4383 Mr.Brown do you plead guilty to all charges sir? I love you 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4384 If you don't speak up, we'll have to hold you in contempt of court. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4385 Would you like to reconsider your statement? 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4386 ...and at that moment, at that exact moment, is when the stuffing began? 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
4387 I know this is practice and all your Honor but maybe we should put a toupee on him, really set the stage for 2021” 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
4388 Show us where he touched you 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
4389 I want to declare him a hostile bear 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4390 'Tell us again where the doggie touched you?' 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
4391 let the record show that Mr Cuddles refuses to acknowledge my questions 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
4392 I didn't do it. hey, I believed Fauci. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
4393 "Your honor, I respectfully ask for an interpreter for our next key witness." 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
4394 The trial for the "Toy Box Seven" continues today with outspoken activist Teddy Hoffman taking the stand. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
4395 Objection sustained. Please instruct your non-responsive witness to answer the question 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4396 Permission to treat as a cuddly witness? 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4397 I'd like to treat this witness as hostile your honor, hostile to my childhood dreams of becoming anything untainted by the destructive politics of authoritarian men... 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
4398 Permission to treat him as a cuddly witness? 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
4399 Your honor, this is a hostile witness. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
4400 Oh, I thought you were Teddy..... 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4401 And *I* say you're still overruled... that's not *at all* what 'bear false witness' means! 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4402 Your Honor, permission to lead the witness? 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
4403 Are you aware, Sir, of the penalties for bearing false witness? 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4404 ...you say the defendant almost beat the polyester out of you? 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4405 Can we have a recess for lunch even though the witness is stuffed? 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4406 Your testimony is you 'bearly' knew him but he pawed you when you first met? 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4407 Your Honor, may I hug the witness? 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
4408 How long has Ken been sleeping with you? 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4409 It killed my husband! 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4410 Your honor, Teddy has yet to say a word. 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4411 This little teddy bear said it was too had to sleep in your honor 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
4412 Did you see anyone at the picnic? 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4413 Your Honor, I move to strike the witness's silence. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
4414 Your honor, may I have your permission to treat him as a hostile witness? 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
4415 Your Honor, the defendant sleeps in a bed of lies! 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
4416 Mr. The Bear, why didn't you finish your tea? I was stuffed. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
4417 Please show us, on your own body, where the child touched you 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
4418 Stop badgering the witness. he is NOT a punching bag. 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4419 Please bear with me on this line of questioning. 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4420 Your Honor,my client will bear witness in his testimony today. 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4421 But Your Honor my question in regards to his stuffing is central to my case 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4422 No further questions, Mr. Theodore. 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
4423 You don't have to scream........he can't hear you 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4424 I object. The witness testimony is overbearing to say the least." 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4425 Your Honor, I don't believe this witness knows a damned thing... 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
4426 It! bears witness to the election fraud. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
4427 Do you really expect this jury to believe you were “re-stuffed? 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
4428 Your honour, each vote counts. Even mine 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4429 „I know these questions must be hard for you“ 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
4430 Guilty by association seems to have gone too far your honour... 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4431 Ma'am, the teddy bear is telling the truth, it can't speak, but the face is talking itself. 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
4432 You called it, your Honor, he's taking the Fifth. 1.1972 0.05890 71 60 8 3
4433 Mr.Bear,you do realize that you are under oath? 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
4434 Mr. Cam, you’ve been recording these children while they sleep, eat and play—without their knowledge or permission—and you claim that their own parents put you up to this? 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
4435 Your honor, irrelevant that the witness can't bear a recount. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
4436 The bed was just right. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4437 While he may look cuddly now, I can assure you he's bipolar. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4438 ...hence, the petition for royalties from 'Teddy Bears Picnic.' 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4439 Your honor, he bore witness. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4440 Yes, she did say, “pick up all your toys.” But in Jakey’s defense, your honor, I’m NOT a toy! I’m “Freddy Fuzzy Lovey,” dammit!. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4441 It was the nudist colony bear defense! 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4442 Your Honor, there is no definitive proof that the plaintiff ever possesed a dinkle. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4443 Do you swear, under oath, that you didn’t kill Floppsey? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4444 You're sure this chair is neither too soft nor too hard? 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4445 So you claim no knowledge as to the whereabouts of the plaintiff''s innocence? 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4446 My client did not threaten to knock the stuffing out of him. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4447 He tells no lies. 1.1967 0.06537 61 52 6 3
4448 Let the record show that the defendant was never loved enough to become real 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4449 Your honor, I object on the grounds of too-cuteness. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4450 And, Mr. Bear, your full given name is Theodore, is it not? 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4451 NOT guilty! because it's my little bear, that's why! 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4452 He insists his porridge was not “just right” and that his parents are trying to poison him. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4453 So, you're taking the 5th on the Goldilocks question? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4454 While your witness may not be hostile, honey will work better than vinegar. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4455 Teddy Roosevelt was supposed to be bigger than life 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4456 Your Honor, he clearly stated, "You can't handle the truth." 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4457 If it please the Court, I would like to request a brief recess to hug my client. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4458 Stop growling at the witness ! 1.1967 0.06537 61 52 6 3
4459 But Your Honour, my client only plugged Piglet when wantonly propositioned." 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4460 I put it to you, you did indeed murder Goldilocks. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4461 Where were you on the night of Molly's nightmare? 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4462 Your honor, it is his birthright to bear arms. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4463 Your honor, let the record show that the witness is hostile and cuddly. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4464 The attorney’s request to treat the adorable witness as hostile made the strange case even more dubious. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4465 You wish me to bear witness to your cross examination? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4466 This is only slightly less embarrassing than yesterday's "bare" witness mishap. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4467 Sure, the defendant looks soft and cuddly, but he’s known to the state of California for causing cancer and birth defects. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4468 Let the record reflect that my client claims he did not bear witness to the crime. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4469 I think he is pleading the 5th 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4470 The defense objects; cuddling the witness, your honor. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4471 Objection ruled! 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4472 I'm going to have to hold and squeeze the witness in contempt.” 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4473 You're gonna bear costs for your crimes! 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4474 And do you think Winnie the Pooh has any power in these times? 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4475 May we remind Your Honor that the witness is only a transitional object. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4476 As I mentioned before your Honor, the witness refuses to answer any questions. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4477 Motion to find the witness in contempt of court. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4478 Your Honor, The decision of the jury is unanimous. INNOCENT! 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4479 Your Honor, please direct Teddy Ruxpin to answer the question. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4480 Attorney Goldie Locks, this is not an example of the right to bear arms! 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4481 Please direct the witness to answer the question. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4482 Your Honor, I move to strike the bear's claim that it was only the getaway driver. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4483 Witness, please state the he bear facts. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4484 Yes, Mr. Snuggles must be sworn in. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4485 Your honor, I motion to strike testimony on the grounds that this witness is a bear faced liar! 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4486 No Cross your honor, this witness doesn't add anything to the facts of the case. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4487 So -Where did the extra ballots come from? 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4488 Your Honor,permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness,given his refusal to cooperate. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4489 Your honor, I’d like to cross examine Gladly, the cross-eyed bear. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4490 Your Honor,Permission to treat Mr. Teddy as a hostile witness. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4491 What do you mean 'kangaroo' court? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4492 So you testified earlier that the defendant beat the stuffing out of you, is that correct?" 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4493 So if I understand you correctly Mr. Fluffy you say that you were bearly paying attention? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4494 Bear -witness to the crime. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4495 I'm very concerned about possible subliminal conflation with Teddy Kaczynski and Teddy Bundy. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4496 Your honor, my client grew up. She did not neglect to provide the Plaintiff with due care and support. His assertions are bear. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4497 Objection, Your Honor. That was fluff. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4498 We have prerecorded the responses - and translated for the court. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4499 He's unusual for a witness, but bear with me. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4500 Your honor. This teddy bear does not have a qualified qualities to defend his owner. HE IS THE NIGHTMARE 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4501 Speak louder 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4502 Now tell the court,where did she touch you? 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4503 Yes, Your Honor, as I said... the right to bear arms. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4504 Your honor, my line of questioning goes to the struggle which ensued. Mr. Lovey, please describe what you observed in the nursery on that night when Daddy tried to take the lollipop from the baby? 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4505 Predispositions from childhood will prevent the jury from being objective in my questioning of the witness. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4506 Permission to treat the witness as plush pile. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4507 This witness should be considered hostile since he lives on the defendant's bed 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4508 You swear you saw the tooth fairy vote that many times? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4509 The witness, Mr.Teddy, gives his testimony on behalf of the plaintiff 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4510 Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as cuddly but hostile? 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4511 Your honor, it is apparent that the testimony of this witness has no bearing on the case. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4512 You say Pooh Pooh, but he's here to bear-witness. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4513 Now is it true that a ballot addressed to ‘Mr. Bear’ was dropped off at your vote center on Nov 3.? 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4514 Your Honor Donald Trump calls his Teddy that beared witness to the voter fraud in Pennsylvania 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4515 No, Mr. Bear, we don’t allow for snacks or potty breaks, while on the stand. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4516 Mr. Trump you have to play by the same rules as us all, even if you did make your own court. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4517 Your honor, this is classic post hoc beargo propter hoc! 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4518 Did you, or did you not STUFF the ballot boxes Mr. Teddy 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4519 Let the record show that Mr. Cuddles does not like being called a “Bear”, he feels it is a stereotype. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4520 ... and again i can do nothing but to lay justice in your bear hands 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4521 Your honor, the witness is bear-ly telling any truth 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4522 I’m not sure what kind of a stunt this is, your honor, but every time I pull the string on the back, the witness continues to plead the fifth 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
4523 And I thought that the witness was full of fluff, but he's actually a monster. No more questions, Your Honor. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4524 Like most other nights I was the big spoon 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4525 Your honour, we will truly bear witness... 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4526 Now, where did the defendant stick the camera? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4527 Where were you the night Liam called us three times because he couldn’t find his bear and it was right there under his blanket each time? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4528 And you claim to not ‘gather there because.’ 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4529 I swear I don't know where my Emotional Support Human is! . 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4530 Is it true, Mr. Bear, that you witnessed the mail man tampering with a ballot? 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4531 Mr. teddy you are being tried for voter fraud how do you plead. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
4532 Your Honor, his testimony is stuffed with lies. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
4533 ...and you promise not to bear false witness....? 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
4534 No contempt intended, Your Honor. He's a silent witness. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
4535 And where did you get the name Teddy? Is that a family name? 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
4536 I’m stuffed to the brim with truth 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
4537 Let the record show that the witness refuses to tell the court where the abused children touched him.' 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
4538 Finally, a testimony that can actually bear witness to the robbery 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
4539 Your Honor, I would like to treat the Teddy Bear as a hostile witness. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4540 I thinks he's been framed for eating the cookies. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4541 Your honor, may we have a 10 minute recess until the witness comes back from his potty break? 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4542 Well Mr. Teddy? Did you steal all the honey at the tea party? 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4543 Yes, your Honor, he is here to bear witness to the crime. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4544 Your honor, this is false bear witness 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4545 Counselor, stop badgering the witness. He's a bear. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4546 Are you mocking me? 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4547 Your honor, I move that this witness be excused on account of being a teddy bear. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4548 My client's sole company and sole witness during lockdown and you call him 'inanimate'! 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
4549 Your silence will only protect you for so long. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4550 Objection, your honor, this is all bear-say. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4551 Your testimony that you were in hibernation the day the Yummy Honey warehouse was raided simply doesn't hold up. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
4552 Mr. Pooh, I'm not comfortable with your testimony. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4553 Sustained, the State of Nevada cannot call on its support bear. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
4554 Mr. Ruxpin, I believe you can speak for yourself 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4555 Can you show me on the child where he touched you? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4556 Show me on the judge where Clarence Thomas touched you. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4557 Dear honor, being cute ain't a excuse for the triple homicide the accused has committed 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4558 You're testimony gives bearly any comfort to this court. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4559 You testified that he beat the stuffing out of you. Is that correct. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4560 So tell me, why does the defendant claim that you were in bed with them? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4561 Your honor, I had a relationship with this witness, and must recuse myself. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4562 Motion to treat as a hostile witness, Your Honor 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4563 Can you identify the pervert who made you sleep with him in bed every night? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4564 But your honor, he wants to bear witness. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4565 Councelor you are over 5 years of age, Phoo is not allowed to declare 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4566 So you do understand that you should raise one hand for NO and two hands for YES? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4567 The second amendment gives me the right to bear arms! 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4568 Bear witness to my first question 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4569 At exactly what time did you see the defendant hugging "the fluffy duck with the bowtie"? 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4570 I'm a Republican bear. I do what I'm told. I was told that Dr. Fauci ... 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4571 Let the record show that Mr. Fuzzy-Wuzzy has declined to bear bear-witness against Ms. Snugglebug in her suit against the Winnie the Pooh imposter who tricked her into buying a counterfeit autograph at the Brooklyn Children's Book Festival. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4572 It's just a dangerous precedent to cite the Second Amendment when granting any young toddler the right to bear arms. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4573 Your honor, please direct the teddy bear to answer my question. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4574 Permission to treat him as a hostile witness. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4575 JUDGE JUDY,... is that YOU. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4576 You still claim you were on the bookshelf, all warm and cuddly, next to the Jack-in-the-Box at the time of the murder, Mr. Teddy Bear? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4577 Conniving, calculated, and cuddly. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4578 Taking the Fifth again for little Vinny? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4579 Can you show me on yourself where they touched you? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4580 Your honor, his refusal to swear in because of his short arms is unacceptable. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4581 As the only non-partisan witness your account is very important. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4582 Jerry and Ben were playing dolls during recess 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4583 Republican or Democrat? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4584 Your honor, I would like to treat this witness as unbearable. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4585 A lot of crimes will be resolved, only if teadybears could speak 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4586 “Now tell the judge in your own words, what else happened at this alleged picnic." 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4587 Request permission to hug the witness. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4588 Your honor, I request Mr. Fluffy be declared a hostile witness. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4589 Are we to understand that after you were left on the side of the merry-go-round,you decided to take on a whole new persona? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4590 And then, Your Honor, my client was forcibly taken to bed. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4591 Let the record reflect that Mr. Tuddles was not able to identify who stuffed the drugs up his rectum. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4592 Your Honor, I would like to treat Mr. Teddy as a "Harsh" witness? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4593 Can you please show the court, on yourself, where they touched you? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4594 We didn't have Teddy Roosevelt so we just brought him. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4595 For the last time, where were you the night the chocolate disappeared? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4596 Your Honor, Teddy Bundy meant no evil. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4597 You maintain that you were never bare-assed... 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4598 I don't think pleading the fifth applies here! 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4599 So what exactly did you see that night at the carnival? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4600 Did you....or did you not... have the stuffing knocked out of you by the dog? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4601 You don't know?. . . .I see. . .Is that your final answer? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4602 No further questions your honor. I think we've heard the WHOLE story from Mr. Ruxpin. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4603 Motion to move the trial until my parents go to sleep, at the strike of midnight. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4604 Raise both paws and repeat after me. "I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and not just the bare necessities". 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4605 The witness will be held in content with not answering questions. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4606 The witness is an expert in court stuffing not court packing. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4607 So you are telling me, Mr. Pooh, that aside from your other forest friends, there are no other witnesses to the alleged voting fraud claims being made. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4608 Yes Judge we placed him in a foster home and it just didn't work out 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4609 You honor, my client denies knowing Theodore Bear. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4610 Mr Teddy, how do you respond to President Trump's repeated claims that you intimidated and in doing so suppressed many thousands of in-person GOP voters during the final hours of election day? 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4611 Your Honor, they want to count all votes. It’s not fair. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4612 Bailiff, how did he get a better seat than me? 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4613 ‘pro bono’, counselor, not ‘pooh bono’. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4614 Teddy was confident that his charm and likeability would assist him in avoiding the charges against him for stalking his victim for over 30 years, through several States, and mostly while hidden in storage box. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4615 Would you like a cuppa tea while you’re waiting? 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4616 What a weird spin-off is this « to kill a mockingbear » 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4617 Sorry Miss, but this is Judge Hug's seat. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4618 Your Honor, I don't mean to be repetitive, but this bear's repeating. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
4619 I'm sorry, your honor, but is this a joke?" "No, this is a bear. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4620 One each 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4621 Well, he's clearly lying. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
4622 Your honor can you please direct the witness to stop being so huggable? 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
4623 Normally I'd sustain such an objection, however I'll allow it on account of cuteness. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
4624 Objection! Speculation of character." "Overruled." "I'm sorry Teddy, you're stuffed. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
4625 Objection, Your Honor. This testimony is too cute by half. 1.1905 0.04987 63 51 12 0
4626 Mr. Teddy, the prosecution finds it implausible to believe that you took a short lunch break and 'stuffed yourself.' 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4627 Jeffrey Toobin took his dick out on a Zoom call! 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4628 Your Honor, the witness is barely audible. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4629 Permission, your Honor, to treat the witness as a cute, non-responsive, stuffed small teddy bear. 1.1905 0.04987 63 51 12 0
4630 Your honor,I ask permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.1905 0.06734 63 55 4 4
4631 How long were you under the bed? 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4632 Your honor, please instruct the witness to stop grinning and to answer my questions “. 1.1905 0.04987 63 51 12 0
4633 I know Identity Theft is a big deal but, come on 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4634 Your honor, we can assure the court and this defendant that a jury of his peers was, in fact, summoned from FAO Schwarz. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4635 I'm telling you, it was THIS BIG! I could bearly believe it myself. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4636 We have to admit, the witness stuffed up! 1.1905 0.05476 63 52 10 1
4637 Please Mr. Teddy, I think you’ve gone into quite enough detail about what happened at the Lazy Bear Festival. 1.1905 0.04987 63 51 12 0
4638 Teddy-fense rests! 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
4639 Convenient excuse! Using a new born baby as your alibi for your whereabouts that night. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4640 Did you actually see Horsey unstuff Mr. Quack Quack? 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
4641 Next time, lower your eyes to make sure there's no witness. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4642 Don't be fooled your Honor, behind those cute little button eyes lies the soul of a stone cold killer! 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4643 The people regret calling a stuffed animal as a witness your honor. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4644 This is not exactly what I meant by bear witness,Your Honor. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4645 Ok, on the night in question, tell us what you saw in the hundred acre wood. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4646 I told my client to plead the 5th, but he insisted on invoking the 2nd Amendment--his right to bear arms. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4647 I do have further questions, I just forgot what they were while thinking about my childhood. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4648 Your Honor, I request permission to treat this animal as a hostile witness? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4649 Who fired the shot that killed the "Big Bad Wolf," your Mom or Dad? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4650 Speak up! Answer the question! 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4651 And you did willfully, and with foreknowledge, refuse to hug Billy goodnight. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4652 I'm supposed to bear witness? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4653 I would like to treat this Witness as hostile your Honor 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4654 Your partner says the entire Ventriloquist Society tax scheme was your idea. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4655 So, Mr. Theodore Bear, may I call you Teddy? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4656 This bear will bear witness to my client’s innocence. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
4657 Yes, we know that you go by Teddy, but what is your full name? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4658 Permission to treat my teddy bears as a hostile witness, your honour? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4659 I bear witness to my absolute innocence! 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4660 You think being emotional is the final solution? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4661 Yes or no, Mr. Bear: did you make the defendant feel secure enough to commit this heinous crime? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4662 OK OK so now you’re disrespecting me and also you’re pleading the fifth. Did I get that right? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4663 Ok I did ! Those kids ripped these arms off so many times I snapped! They were un-bear-able! 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4664 Did I hear right, Judge? Ted E. Bear for the defense? Well, I never. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4665 Pleading the fifth bears witness to your loyalty. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4666 Your honour, this witness has clearly been intimidated. My client moves to declare as null and void all votes tabulated since November 4th. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4667 Where are you glasses Teddy Roosevelt? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4668 Really, I only voted once. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4669 You said you needed a witness. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4670 And you didn't know this red hooded girl you stabbed? 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4671 This witness is a coy, toy. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
4672 I present you with a witness of my childhood, what he saw left him speechless. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4673 Buttons for eyes is no excuse for negligence, sir! 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
4674 And there you have it, Your Honor - Mr. Fluffles' testimony confirms that I in fact was not the one who left the oven on. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4675 Grayson Perry told me to do it. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4676 If it pleases the court, I’d like to take a 15 minute “cuddle” with my client 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4677 Please do not berate the witness. Please snuggle the witness. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4678 A teddy bear’s picnic during lockdown? What do you have to say for yourself? 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4679 And you were not able to switch off your body camera because it is inside you? Is that right, former officer Bear? 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4680 Objection! Motion to strike as Unresponsive. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4681 Your honour, my client wants a library in his name. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
4682 Can you point to on...yourself where he touched you? 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4683 Among the secrets your owner whispers into your ear, did she mention anything about stolen Trump ballots? 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4684 So tell us your whereabouts on the night of the murder. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
4685 Your honor, will you ask the witness to speak up? I can BEARly hear him. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
4686 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as tactile. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
4687 I’m not trying to be funny when I say “this bears the question” Your Honor. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
4688 Your Honor,please let the record reflect that the witness is unresponsive to my question "Do you or do you not know a 'Goldilocks'? 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
4689 Stop the snugly act and answer the question, "Whose idea was it to steal the cookies?" 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
4690 Oh, Pooh! How could you? 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
4691 Your honor, of course it's a leading question. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
4692 When was the last time you saw RAGGEDY ANN alive ? 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
4693 Your Honor, I request permission to treat the witness as hostile 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4694 Your Honor, the witness is trying to start the wave in the courtroom. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4695 Transitional objection, your Honor. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4696 No one is challenging your right to bare arms...now answer my question: what were you doing at the polls baring arms on November 3 if not intimidating voters? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4697 Isn't it true that you cancelled dinner with the victim that night because you claimed you were stuffed? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4698 « I Refuzz to answer the question » 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
4699 Counsel is instructed to avoid sarcasm in addressing the witness. Or did you really mean "very cute"? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4700 now let us bear witness to the bear facts, so TEDDY HO! 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4701 And you think I have a permanent scowl. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
4702 False advertising, Your Honor. He didn't fill a child's heart with sunshine and smiles. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4703 Your honor it's clear this witness CANNOT corroborate evidence supporting the defendant in her jammies at bedtime. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4704 Look, Your Honor. Yes, Sheila & I have been sleeping together, but I swear it’s not like that. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4705 Guilty ! Guilty! And as you know, your honor, silence indicates consent. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
4706 Can you point, on your own body, where exactly he touched you? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
4707 Fifth amendment over ruled, you must bear witness. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
4708 Is it your testimony that you submitted an absentee ballot? 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
4709 Just the bear alternate facts please. 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
4710 Don't let that blank expression fool you Judge. Behind that facade, lies the brain of a masterrmind. 1.1846 0.05756 65 55 8 2
4711 False-bear witness 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
4712 My client is eager to testify about the assault but won’t be able to do so because his battery was also stolen. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
4713 My bear witness refuses to bear witness. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
4714 Can you,sir, account for not taking action when the situation demanded so? 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
4715 That's not what I meant by 'bear witness'. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
4716 Have you finished softening up the witness? 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
4717 Well, vis-a-vis this defendant, we are truly leaving no stone unturned here. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
4718 If he’s refusing to talk, don’t hold him in contempt, just hold him. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
4719 Objection your honor, hostile witness. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
4720 How does the defendant plead?” “Not filthy.” 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
4721 Your honor, do I have permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4722 Your honor, I ask the court bear witness to this bear witness. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4723 Your honor, can I cross examine the witness while I'm hugging it? 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4724 Sir, you have already testified under oath that you were hibernating with your cubs on the bottom shelf of the toy store on the day of the crime. So, I ask you, how can you possibly identify my client as the accused burglar?" 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
4725 I object your honor, this witness has no bearing on this case. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4726 Requesting permission to treat the witness as soft & cuddly, your honor. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4727 Your Honor, permission to treat this witness as adorably hostile? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4728 Isn't it true your real name is Theodore? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4729 I object! My client is no position to bear witness! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4730 So to be clear, that's where on the barcalounge he touched you? 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4731 My client pleads the Fifth Instalment” 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4732 Try though she might, counsel could not persuade the jury that such an adorable defendant could have committed such a grizzly crime. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4733 Your Honor, I submit that whatever Teddy says should be taken as Gospel Truth, because, well, he's TEDDY! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4734 He was apprehended on a putt-putt course with a "NO BIPOLAR BEARS" sign posted at the gate 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4735 ‘Your Honor, I will be showing my client,T.Bear ,is innocent in the theft of E.Bunny’s Operating System.’ 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4736 You, say they had their hands all over you. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4737 Being plush is barely an excuse. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4738 When I said act warm and fuzzy this was not what I had in mind, 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4739 'Just answer the question!' 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4740 Ted Bear, now who did you see with a paw in the cookie jar? 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4741 ...or could it be that you just don't care?! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4742 Don't harass the witness. He can "barely" talk. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4743 This is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous -- the witness is nude! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4744 Overruled. Yes, he appointed me but no, I'm not about to recuse myself. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4745 It's OK. Mr. Snuffles can't hurt you here. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4746 She asserts that they used her as a plaything, Your Honor! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4747 And the Defendant told you "get stuffed?" 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4748 Blueberry wants to represent himself and wants to know if you would share your peanuts in your robe? 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4749 Please bear in mind, the tail gets a little fuzzy at times! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4750 I honestly thought it was juuuusssstt right. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4751 and how long have you known the defendant? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4752 And where was it, exactly, you last saw my quilty? 1.1818 0.05675 66 56 8 2
4753 I realize this is an environmental case by I don't thinking simply living in a Hundred Acre Wood makes Mr. Pooh an expert. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4754 And tell us: just how many times did you ask her for “a little squeeze”? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4755 Your Honor, he should be separated from his mother and put in a cage! 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
4756 If it please the court, my client cannot be guilty of alienated anyone’s affection. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4757 I object, your Honor, the witness chair is way too comfortable! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4758 Objection, drawstring testimony is impermissible! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4759 We must question the reliability of the witness if Mr. Snuggles cannot simply raise his right hand. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4760 May it please the court-I would like to consider this witness a hostile, but extremely cuddly and loveable, hostile witness. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4761 OK Mr Bear, explain why we have you on CCTV purchasing a machete on the morning of the murders. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4762 So Mr Ted E Bear, exactly when did you mail in your ballot? 1.1818 0.05675 66 56 8 2
4763 You cannot 'hereby declare' a teddy bear to be a witness. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4764 Bailiff have exhibit one returned to Paddington Station were it was found." 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4765 He couldn’t bear to be left home alone. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4766 You can not plead the Fifth, Mr Bear! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4767 Your Honor, move to strike as unresponsive. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4768 He has no birth certificate, so how can we be sure he is related to Paddington Bear? 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
4769 Teddy, I know you can't talk, but will you please answer my question 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4770 Permission to treat the bear as a hostile animal, your Honor? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4771 Answer yes or no...When did you stop being an object of transition 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4772 Despite the toddler's accusations, Mr. Bear did not, in fact, steal the candy. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4773 Move to treat this witness as hostile for being too cuddly. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4774 And were there any witnesses who saw you at this so-called “picnic”? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4775 He said he'd read This Much of the Constitution! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4776 When I said 'We need to bear witness to the truth', I didn't mean this... 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4777 I must caution you, sir, that here in Toyland Court silence is considered an admission of guilt 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4778 Your honor, permission to treat the defendant as a hostile wombat? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4779 Your honor, she was the first of three to bear witness to the defendant. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4780 You're "Taking the Fluffth?" 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4781 Remember you're under oath Sir, Is it not true, that before you were Jimmy's favorite teddy , that in fact, you were a VooDoo doll for the mob? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4782 No, this is not an audition for Winnie-the-Pooh. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4783 Argh! I Confess! I just can't bear it any longer! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4784 That's not a nanny-cam that the Democrats tampered with, it's just a teddy bear sweeties. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4785 I request the Court's permission to treat Teddy as a hostile witness. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4786 Your honor let the record show in this case of the State vs. Paddington Bear this witness has refused to answer any questions 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4787 If you have nothing to say that incriminates you, then you do NOT have the right to remain silent. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4788 Councilor! You can not touch the witness’ tummy to elicit testimony.” 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4789 And can you identify this love smotherer in the courtroom today? 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
4790 Your honor, this is embearassing. He can’t pawsibly cubject. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4791 Look, if I’d stuffed the ballot boxes I would have done it differently. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4792 The witness reports, the ballots were stuffed. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4793 So you said you saw someone casting an illegal ballot 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
4794 The audio and video on your star witness is excellent, but he will still need to place his paw on the bible. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4795 Where were you on the night the victim woke up from a nightmare that it had turned red? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4796 Your honor I may have to squeeze him to get him to talk 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4797 Does he cry when he tweets? 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4798 Bear in mind that all witnesses must be heard in a court of law. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4799 We all know this is the face we make when Friday hits differently. . 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4800 'How do we know if he's under oath your honor?' 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4801 motion denied. I’ve never heard of in teddy-camera review. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
4802 Your honor, I respectfully ask that the jury be reminded that even a bear can plead the fifth. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
4803 We heard you Karen, bear with me 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
4804 ...and that is why I should be granted legal cu(ddle)stody 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
4805 you are under arrest for wearing socks with crocs and calling your teddy bear bunny 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
4806 May I remind the court that despite appearances, this witness has been declared hostile. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
4807 So you deny that it was you who a*** in the woods? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
4808 Let us bear witness. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4809 Your honor my client pleads not fluffy. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4810 You're simply incapable of telling the truth! 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4811 So your name is Rupert? 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
4812 Your honor, may I treat him as a hostile witness because he won't speak? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4813 He's always pleading the fifth... 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4814 So, when was the last time you SAW the boy? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4815 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as cuddly wuddly? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4816 Your Honor I would like to declare Mr Stuffy a hostile witness. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4817 For the record, state your name and the address of your safe space. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4818 Look at the legs, your Honor. The legs. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4819 Mr Bear, I'll remind you -- you are under oath 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4820 So you claim that you couldn't have been at the scene of the crime because you were hibernating at the time? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4821 I know he was with your husband when he had the affair with the cleaning lady; he can't be a witness! 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4822 It's mouth is sown shut. Is this a Captain kangaroo court? 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
4823 The witness is requesting a break - no matter what, he knows the story he was told is the truth - what's happening here is just too unbelievably emotional. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4824 Would you point the person you slept with on the night of the 21st out please? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4825 Objection! He bears false witness 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4826 Your honor he won’t stop waving his hands in my face saying he has the right to bear arms 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4827 Your honor, we request that the bear witness be directed to bear witness. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4828 your honor, the witness’s silence should be treated as depraved indifference.” 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4829 At what time did you get jumped and had the stuffing knocked out of you? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4830 Mr. Teddy Bear Camera,how did you see the events transpire? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4831 My concern is whether you’re leading that bear into a trap” 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4832 May I borrow your mallet your honor? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4833 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to answer my questions. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4834 Teddy, are you alleging that during a tantrum 2 year old Annie threw you across the room? 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
4835 Please Please...i will ask you again.. Is your name Winnie OR Pooh? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4836 Teddy a.k.a. “Ted” one of the possible unabomer suspects, did not say a word during cross-examination. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4837 Your Honor, he won’t answer any of my questions! 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4838 Wheres the coffee machine? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4839 You can't touch me! The statute of limitations has expired. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4840 Counsel asks the court's permission to treat the witness as cute. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4841 Counselor is reminded to stop badgering the Court's witness. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4842 Your honor, my client's exemplar has provided comfort to millions...This vote is critical!" 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4843 Let me remind you, Mr. Baer, you are under oath! 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4844 Isn't it true that the Defendant 'Snuggled' with you WITHOUT your consent? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4845 Please tell the court why you were living under the name of "Sanders". 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4846 It ain't my fault that the Donald calls me Rosebud. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4847 This witness is ready to bare his soul. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4848 Your honor, my client pleads the fifth and will not answer any questions. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4849 This bear didn't do it. It has the perfect alibi - on the date in question, it was, and still remains, a stuffed bear, with only a good heart and an earful of stories. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4850 Permission to dress the witness in a top hat and bow tie, your honor? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4851 Can you show me on the man where the bear touched you? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4852 i'm starting alcoholics anonymous... tomorrow 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4853 Mr Ted Ibert...you say you never met with Smoke Ibert or Jacques Ibert? Really?! 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4854 Your Honor, my I approach the witness for a cuddle? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4855 Your Honor, in conclusion, this bear belongs to Donald Trump! 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4856 Tell the court, BooBoo, when did you first realize you had abandonment issues? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4857 Do they call you Teddy for short? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4858 ''Tell us again, Mr. Bear, of the rampant voter fraud you witnessed.' 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4859 Mr. Pooh, can you bear witness -no pun intended- to the fact that Mr. Trump is your biological father? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4860 Would you care to tell the jury exactly why you ran away from Donnie He’s bed? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4861 I'm sorry your honor, but it's only giving me the bare necessities for this case 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4862 I didn’t think he would take it to court, it was just some chores 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4863 Your honor, I may have gotten him when I was nine-years-old, but he still can be an impartial witness. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4864 What choices were you given? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4865 Don’t be fooled, Your Honor. Mr. Teddy is 62 years old and has never stopped sleeping with the defendant’s wife! 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
4866 Pleading the 5th Amendment will not allow you slip away from video evidence of your home invasion of Oscar the Grouch. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4867 We all know my client doesn't have the stuffing to commit this crime. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4868 The defense rests: this kid's murderous action is clearly the result of a high moral regard by identifying with a grieving friend, Bambi. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4869 I am not going to hug you. Now tell the Judge where you hid the honey." 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4870 Your Honor, I ask that the court compel this witness to address allegations of massive voter fraud. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4871 And so, Mr. Theodore, when you stuffed your own ballot, were you aware that 'Teddy' is not your legal name? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4872 Sez you, Mr. Naked Teddy pervert! 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4873 What happened to Judge Garland? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4874 That guy in the chair he can"t even talk!! 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4875 Where were you on the night of June the 3rd, at approximately bedtime? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4876 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Teddy Ruxpin? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4877 Your honor, we’d now like to call upon our mail-in ballot fraud key witness to the stand 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4878 In these days you can’t refuse your Lysol. I warned you. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4879 OK Goldilocks, please stick with the facts, the bear facts about the three bowls of partridge. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4880 And now, Teddy, on the night in question, please tell the court what you saw. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4881 I object. This witness has no grounds to bear witness in this case. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4882 ma'am how am I supposed to question a teddy bear?" 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4883 Mom promised to be home by three She swears on the Sesame Street Activity book 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4884 Your honor the fish was this big. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4885 She slept in my bed, sat on my chair and worst of all, ate my porridge. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4886 Now Mr. bear, you can testify that you were the one who saw irregularities in the vote count? 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4887 Your honor, I am respectfully begging you to order the jury to disregard this witness’s cuteness. I promise, it bears on the final disposition of this case. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4888 Mr. Ruxpin, please just answer the question. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4889 Counsel, I had asked for a witness that could bear testimony, not a bear's testimony 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4890 Your honor, may we have a sidebear please? 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
4891 So you are telling me that the Teddy Boys should not be confused with the Proud Boys. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4892 Please tell the jury where on the human he touched you. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4893 Amy Coney Barrett charged the teddy bear with 0 years for touching the women inappropriately 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4894 Objection sustained! Please refrain from leading the witness. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4895 Your honor the bear facts show he had both his hands raised and mouth shut during the BLM - bear lives matter protests. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4896 Your honor, I want you to know that he‘s been a selfish lover his entire life. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4897 Your Honer, the defendant, Mr. Bear, pleads not guilty to the charges of theft of Winnie the Pooh’s identity” 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4898 Permission to stress hug the witness your honor. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4899 So you’re saying there were truck loads of ballots being snuck in? 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
4900 Your Honor, my client deserves a right to a bear trail. 1.1774 0.05405 62 52 9 1
4901 You stand accused of spearheading a russian misinformation campaign, using Timmy’s bedroom as your headquarters” 1.1774 0.05405 62 52 9 1
4902 Unbearable Witness! 1.1765 0.05904 68 59 6 3
4903 Your Honor, today I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my client has every right to bear arms. 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
4904 Bear with me your honor while I figure how to get Teddy here to bear witness" 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
4905 Your Honor, this is a clear case of public exposure, despite Mr. Corduroy's claim that his overalls "just fell off" after he allegedly lost a button. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4906 Did you get that stuffed animal from president baby dick at oval day care playing with millions of people’s lives and futures? Fuck Your Face!!! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4907 Objection overruled 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4908 Your honor, the witness is an imposter! This is not Edward Mark Aardvark! Also, your glasses are very foggy. Can you see me? I'm Dora Van Dort, attorney at law. My neck famously supports a head in a ratio that defies science. Guilty! Guilty Guilty!! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4909 My client, your Honor, is constrained by legal impediments from testifying directly about her painful experience at the hands of the accused. But if she could speak . . . 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4910 Your honor, my client wishes to exercise his Constitutional right to be cuddly and adorable. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4911 I have no comment on this bear's rights. He must abide by the state law in which he lives 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4912 Sorry, Your Honor, but Teddy doesn't now his right paw from his left. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4913 I am very certain that this witness will clarify this bear of a case! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4914 So can you say for certain anyone *witnessed* you being violently stuffed? 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4915 The testimony of this witness is allowed in so far as it pertains to Raggedy Ann, Barbie, and the cabbage patch family, but the jury will disregard what the defendant said her husband may or may not have done. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4916 You've been made comfortable. Now, would you please lean forward and speak into the mic? 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4917 So you were stuffed after you ate? 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4918 Your honor, the teddy bear is as speechless as the rest of us. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4919 I know you killed Epstein! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4920 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to stop speaking in that phony high-pitched voice. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4921 Motion to declare the witness hostile DENIED! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4922 Your honor, the witness motions a recess for nap time. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4923 Permission to withdraw my ‘hostile witness’ designation, your Honor... 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4924 Your Honor, it appears the witness has had a change of heart. Permission to treat as hostile?” 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4925 Mark my words: You will shrink under cross-examination! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4926 Pardon my French, your honor, but his witness is full of stuffing. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4927 He's too soft to have committed this crime! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4928 No Your Honor, I'm afraid it's simply a case of mistaken identity--my client couldn't hurt a fly! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4929 Is it true that you spilled the juice of my client’s daughter on the carpet and left her to take the blame 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
4930 Joe Biden just saved democracy. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4931 Lawyer:”Mr cuddles, Whe- “ judge “please refer to me as your honor” 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4932 Permission to cuddle the witness? 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
4933 So you're saying that your last name ending in one "f" makes you innocent? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4934 Is that your testimony? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4935 I will not bear that attitude towards the witness. I am stuffed with your questions, Counsel. Please sit down. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4936 So, Mr. Teddy "Bare", you admit to sleeping with little Carol. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4937 Let's toss that thing in front of a lawn mower. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
4938 I'd like to treat this teddybear as a hostile witness. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4939 The Hidden Nanny Cam teddy bear wants to testify with incriminating evidence. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4940 Where were you on the night of April 24th, the night of the robbery, when you were found to be missing from 4-year-old Elizabeth Evans' bed? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4941 Your alibi is not air tight, but rather filled with fluff. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4942 Your honor, this bearing witness has been clearly fluffed by the defense. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4943 Your honor, Teddy and I both object to the witness calling a recess. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4944 And when the defendant referred to you as "Bunzie-wunzie," how did you feel? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4945 Your honor, this witness is hostile by continuing to remain silent. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4946 Inadmissable! Too cute. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4947 My first question is do you prefer Winnie, Mister Pooh or simply Pooh Bear? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4948 Please instruct the witness to answer the question, your honor. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4949 Your Honor, we've already heard from other witnesses that the crime occurred after my client got his head stuck in the honey pot, so there is no way he could have tipped over all those garbage cans. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4950 He claims the accused snuggled him. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4951 Why did you think your mail-in ballot would count? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4952 your honor, my client, he’s just an adorable little oomey goomey baby bear. prison will, the other prisoners will— your honor, may i speak with you privately? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4953 I don't trust those beady eyes. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4954 The ruling is dismemberment. His right to bear arms has hereby been revoked 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4955 The bare bear must bear the consequences of being bare. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
4956 Did I say 'adorable'? Sorry, I meant 'deplorable'. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4957 It should be clear to this jury that the accused certainly did not 'beat the stuffing' out of this bear. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4958 Before testifying, my client requests a human to hold for comfort. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4959 Your Honor, I will prove my client suffered financial loss, due to the characterization of bears in toilet paper commercials. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4960 Mr.Teddy says that he is a witness of the crime 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4961 My client pleads the fifth. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4962 We will file an appeal to prove its snuggly appeal. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4963 My client's reputation has been irreversibly harmed by the Toy Story franchise. He can't even get a job pitching Hunny brand Honey. We demand restitution. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4964 This hostile witness refuses to answer, your honor. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4965 How close were you to the defendant when he removed the Chucky doll from the shelf? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4966 Objection sustained. Counsel will not badger this witness. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
4967 Pussycat, I envy you. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4968 I believe he's pleading the Fifth. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4969 The defense calls Lord Sebastian Flyte. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4970 Can The Bear of Chuckie tell the court exactly what you saw on October 31, 2020? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4971 Don't let that fuzzy, cuddly exterior fool you, your Honor. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4972 Your honor, my client feels all warm and fuzzy. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4973 Your Honor,may I have permission to treat this teddy as a hostile witness? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4974 Your Honor, the Second Amendment is relevant here,as I will show... 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4975 So you admit you couldn't actually see if it was mama or dada who changed the diaper at 3 AM. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4976 Permission to cross stitch the witness? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4977 Permission to treat the witness as huggable, your honor. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4978 Don’t go soft on me now. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4979 My client claims Around the Pole star in his tail swings The 12 constellations in grand rings. This looking at bears (If anyone cares) Is why we say "getting our bearings". 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4980 Honey bear, your cute looks won’t keep me from squeezing out the truth. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4981 Whoa. He’s a bear to cross-examine... 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4982 Come on Judge, do not go for the bit where he throws up his hands, and frowns. He is really a bad actor, and should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4983 Your honor, this Care Bear doesn’t care! Who cares? Build a Bear ! I’ll beat by Gummy Bears. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4984 The final verdict: Guilty for being too cute 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4985 Yes your honor, that's definitely him. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4986 Your Honor, I object to Mr. Teddy for being non-responsive to my reasonable questions. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4987 How do you plead to smothering the bunny in the bowl of mush? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4988 You insist that it was the cat that ate the cookies. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4989 Your Honor, if Ms Teddy was in the warm, loving embrace of my client at the time of the alleged murder, how could my client have possibly committed the heinous act of which he is being so wrongly accused?!” David B Smith Miami Beach, Florid 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4990 My client refuses to answer on the grounds that his rights under the Teddy Bear Claus of the Constitution have been violated! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4991 I assume he's pleading the 5th since he refuses to say anything, your honor. But let the jury notice, he shows no remorse! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4992 You say they call you Teddy? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4993 Ted gave a statement saying you drove the getaway car 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4994 Even though he doesn't look it, your honor, he is a hostile witness! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4995 Your honour, my client has suffered at the groins of children using them as a vehicle for their sexual development. FORCED HUMPING IS A CRIME AGAINST ALL STUFFED TOYS! 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4996 Your Honor, I’m not badgering the witness. It’s obvious I’m teddy bearing the witness. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4997 Your honor, my client is not a bear. I request permission to call an expert witnesses who shell confirm it. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
4998 I call the court's attention to this witness's thread bear testimony. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
4999 Judge, this Teddy bared witness to an event that made him question his wish to be real. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5000 Your honor, the witness's denial of responsibility for COVID is a blatant diversion. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5001 YOUR HONOR, please insist that the witness respond to my questions! 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5002 Do you like sex? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5003 I’m instructing the jury to disregard all evidence from this witness. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5004 If the next witness is my mother? I object. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5005 Don't let his name fool you. Snuggle Bear is stuffed with pure evil. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5006 You’re in a safe place. Tell us why you’re running away from Donald. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5007 Clearly the prosecution has coached Mr. Teddy to bear witness . 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
5008 Your honor, permission to treat this cuddly wuddly widdle Teddy weddy as a hostile witness.” 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5009 And where were you on the night of December twenty-fourth? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5010 Judge: this articulate witness is embraced. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5011 So you’re stuffed... what does that have to do with the case? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5012 He wishes to swear to tell the truth on the sacred text of the three bears, Father, Mother and Baby Bear 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5013 How hard did President Biden squeeze you? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5014 I haven't felt right since they swabbed my nose. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5015 Bear with me,I mean it... 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5016 Of course it's slander! My name is Ted not Teri. Neutering is not a sex change. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5017 And did you bear witness to the crime? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5018 The witness requests a recess and nap, your honor. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5019 Your Honor, Our new President pleads insanity. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5020 So, you're saying you weren't driving that car. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5021 You sure you want to plead the 5th? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5022 Teddy, may I remind you: We need the bear truth. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5023 My client's innocence is as plain as the eye can see. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5024 Yes,yes, I confess ,I was in those woods 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5025 What a relaxed mood 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5026 Your honor, this witness has buttoned his mouth along with his nose. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5027 Your honor, I request you hold the witness in contempt if it refuses to answer... 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5028 Let the record show the witness refuses to answer the question. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5029 Your honor, I respectfully seek the court’s permission to tightly clutch the witness during cross examination. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5030 And remember, you are under oath, “How many weeks before you aborted your stuffing”? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5031 Your Honor, please let the record show that she is an especially non-hostile witness. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5032 Your honour, my client was provoked: the plaintiff told him to ‘get stuffed!’ 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5033 That's all your honor. I will now call to the stand... THE ELF ON THE SHELF! Objection! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5034 Even one of these? This is it, now. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5035 Still. Stealing your honey pot was no excuse for murder! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5036 This calls for the rocking chair,Your Honor. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
5037 Your Honor, my witness here is an irreputable proof of wide spread voter fraud. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5038 Your Honor, contrary to what you may expect, he will be telling the truth about the guy next door, the defendant. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5039 Will you story toying with me and answer the question? Your silence is unbearable! 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5040 Admit it - you can't bear to tell us what you did that night. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5041 The teddy bear is the No. 1 toy, so there can be no challenge in this court from those that say otherwise. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5042 Your Honor, I understand we have some credibility issues, but please remember that the psychological tests showed nothing 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5043 I should have known he'd be too soft to bear witness 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5044 No you cannot phone a friend. No!! You cannot blame anything on Winnie The Pooh!!!! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5045 Your honor, we both know that testimony was unbearable. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5046 Did the President forget to grab his stuffed teddy again? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5047 I rest my case 🤦🏻‍♀️ 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5048 Are you here to bear witness? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5049 Nervously says “Your honor I have never seen that man in my life” 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5050 Could someone tell Mr. Nicholson in his trailer he left something on set? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5051 If you’ll please tell the court what Mr. Claus did once he broke in to my clients home through the chimney. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5052 Do you bear witness to all that is true and just? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5053 Honestly these trials are getting more and more silly 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5054 So the cowboy and the astronaut where often treated in a special way even when all of us were promised something different 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5055 Women’s rights 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
5056 Me no gay 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
5057 We know you saw what happened. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
5058 Your honor my client did Not cast an illegal vote as charged 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
5059 Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile, and cuddly?" 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
5060 I like bees, It's the honey that led me to perdition. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
5061 Do you promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth? 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
5062 Your Honor, can you turn up witness’s microphone please? 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
5063 Our witness needed an indispensable break and wanted his seat saved. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
5064 Your honor, permission to treat Huggy as a hostile witness? 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
5065 Trumpy Bear, we find you guilty on all ten counts of conspiring against The United States of America. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
5066 In 'Creditors v. Build a Bear Workshop Inc.,' I'd like to depose the company's last known representative. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5067 For the record, the defendant pleads innocent of instigating the declining market. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5068 Seriously Mr. Pooh, do you really expect us to believe that a kangaroo stole the honey? 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5069 Your Honor, my client would like to request a recess to cuddle with her family. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5070 Well I guess I will have to just grin and bear it 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5071 Your honor, I now demonstrate the awesome power of ‘deep fake’ technology by revealing that my witness is not, in fact, Vladimir Putin. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5072 Counselor, you are trying my patience with this nursery school defense. Be so kind as to have your last witness retrieve their property. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5073 So Teddy, please tell the court where you were when the fire started. Was Smokey with you? 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5074 THE WITNESS' NAME IS "JUDY", JUDY. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5075 We appeal to the court against the stuffless penalty. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5076 Did you or did you not say"Honey let's sweeten the pot"? 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5077 Teddy Roosevelt? Does big game hunting ring a bell with you? 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5078 Given the witness's continued refusal to answer questioning, permission to treat them as hostile, your honour? 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5079 How many times did you vote for Biden?? Let the record show Teddy indicated ten! 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5080 The defendant would like to address the accusation with a counter question: Does a one legged duck swim in circles? 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5081 I request permission to question the witness as an adverse stuftie. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5082 Not for a moment do I believe you are Smokey. For the record, what is your true name, Mr. Bear: Teddy? Yogi? Winnie? Paddington? Fozzie? Baloo? 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5083 Really, Mister Bear? Do you really expect the jury to believe that you’re innocent? 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5084 Of course I have an alibi. I was sitting in the windowsill! 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5085 Your Honor, may I consider him a hostile witness? 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
5086 Are you claiming to bear witness? 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5087 Do you mean to tell me, your honor, that you reject Mr. Bear’s plea because you found him mentally competent in committing the offense? 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5088 You have been found guilty of scaring poor peter; posing as the monster under his bed ! He almost wet himself . ‘Mister Teddy’ , what have you got to say for yourself? 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
5089 I solemnly bear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5090 Do you swear by Almighty God that the evidence you shall give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" 🙊 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5091 Your honor, What do you mean by he can't give a statement" Judge:-cuz he can't bear it anymore 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5092 Your Honor, we now see that the difference between animate and inanimate beings is a social construct 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5093 He allegedly stuffed the ballot box. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
5094 Could the stenographer read back the last reply please? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
5095 Your Honor, I ask to treat it as hostile witness. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
5096 Do you bear to tell the whole truth? 1.1692 0.05174 65 55 9 1
5097 Ted, it says in the court records that your real name is Theodore, would you like to explain that and tell us how you know the defendant? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5098 My client pleads guilty, your honor, but only to strangling the bunny. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
5099 Mr. Bojnagles can't handle the truth. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
5100 The defendant declares himself soft until he is put in the washer! 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5101 "Even in these pressure-filled times, your accusation of homicidal hugging would seem a bit excessive." 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5102 We know you were in the window. Did you see the defendant on and was he wearing a mask? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5103 Your honor, please tell him he no longer needs to keep his hands up. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5104 It is a stuffed witness. It doesn't have to answer your questions. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5105 Speculation? But, your honor, everyone can see just how super cute and cuddly he is. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5106 Your honor, he wanted to be in the Toy’s Story movie at all cost. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5107 Bear false witness, your honor? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5108 The witness is accusing you of neglect since you met Bob. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5109 I think he pleads the 5th, your Honor. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5110 I want you to show me on this human where he touched you. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5111 Your honor, need I remind the witness that he's compelled to answer? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
5112 For a number of reasons I will prove that 'Ted' is not a credible witness. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5113 My client has decided to plead the fifth your Honor 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5114 And is Teddy your given name? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
5115 Now, Mr. Ruxpin, my client alleges that he put an Ice Cube cassette, specifically Death Certificate, into your player on March 22nd, 1992, and that you mouthed along to the words. All of the words, in fact. Every last one. Is that true, Mr. Ruxpin? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5116 I would like to note for the record that the defendant is unable to answer why the windows look like empty picture frames. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5117 My daughter lost her virginity with this teddy bear! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5118 You said the dog pulled out your insides, yes? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5119 Teddy, your refusal to answer counsel’s questions could place you in contempt of court. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5120 I'm telling you, Your Honor: From the day I met her, that little girl has always been out to push my buttons! 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5121 Not guilty, your honor. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5122 Our client didn’t realize, your honor, her neighbor was insulting a Teddy and not her husband. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5123 Where have you been that took you so long to get here? 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5124 Don't try that "I'm so cute" act with me! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5125 Your honor, permission to treat the wuggums as hostile? 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5126 Mr. Fluffy,can you confirm that you quote: “did not have sexual relations with that woman?” 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5127 The witness claims Mr. Claus forced him into a box, smuggled him into the country in the early hours of December 25th and left him under the Johnson’s Christmas tree. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5128 Mr. Ruxpin, let the record show, we have everything you said on tape. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5129 So, you admit to defecating in public, Mr. "Pooh" 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5130 The jury is instructed to disregard how cuddly the witness is. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5131 The President's suit to have animals in the jury is acceptable to me. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5132 Your Honor. Since he refuses to answer, I request you let me treat him as a hostile witness. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5133 Counsel, that amounts to a straw man argument! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5134 I understand you just want to go hibernate, but you need to be more forthcoming about where that honey went... and don't blame it on the bees, or I won't be able to help you 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5135 It wasn’t evidence tampering. I just wanted a cuddle. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5136 Please just answer the question. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5137 Did you see your father start that fire? 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
5138 I'll spare you the grizzly details, But my client is covered by The Second Amendment 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5139 Your honor, this witness’s testimony has no bearing. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5140 Your honor, is he prepared to bear witness? 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5141 Permission to treat Mr. Snuggles as a hostile witness? 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
5142 Your honor, the accused is only guilty of an excited utterance tied to the circumstances of the moment. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5143 May the Court address you as Teddy, Mr. Theodore? 1.1667 0.05946 66 58 5 3
5144 If you’re his lawyer, you have to bring pillows. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5145 Mr. Cuddles, you claim you were at a tea party at the time of the crime? 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
5146 If the stuffing fits, you must acquit. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5147 Show us on the person where he touched you” contes 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5148 #MeToo 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5149 I object, your honor, because ‘bearden of poohf’ isn’t a thing. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5150 - Can you, Teddy, bare the consequences of your actions? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5151 Your honor, the witness can barely speak 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5152 «I just really needed a hug, and I honestly thought he was asking for another bear» 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
5153 Let the record show that the defendant refuses to answer whether they believe that Fuzzwuzzy was in fact fuzzy even with the absence of hair 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5154 Can you use your body to demonstrate to the court where the defendant touched you? 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5155 Your honor, you and I both know this doesn’t count as evidence 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5156 Is your ballot box stuffed too? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5157 I have no choice Mr. Cuddles but to interpret your silence as an exercise of your Fifth Amendment right. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
5158 It’s all a lie. I’ve been stitched up. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
5159 The president has no further comment, your honor 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
5160 ' Your Honor, you did ask me to bear witness to the facts.' 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
5161 Your Honor, it is obvious that Mr. Cuddles is guilty of cuteness overload here! I rest my case. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
5162 He pleads the fifth amendment. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
5163 Show us on the human where the bad man touched you 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
5164 Clearly, this witness's alibi is filled with fluff. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
5165 So, you witnessed all of her deepest thoughts including the masturbation video for her lover. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
5166 Your Honor, permission to treat him as a hostile Teddy Woogums? 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
5167 In conclusion, if the teddy sits, you must acquit. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
5168 'I'm not really sure about this Legally Blonde sequel' 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
5169 Your Honor, the witness was held captive by a toddler. Trauma is the cause for silence. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
5170 My client is innocent, and this bear's witness Your Honor 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
5171 The court finds you guilty of 18,000 counts of murder in the first degree and an unpaid parking ticket 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5172 Judge, he can barely talk. He said the defendant tried to beat the stuffing out of him. 1.1600 0.05966 50 43 6 1
5173 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, when you look at my client, you may see someone with 20 prior convictions for arson, incitement to riot, and manslaughter. But I hope you can look beyond that record and see a young man with a softer side. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5174 Don't give me that innocent look. Where have you been all year when we needed you? 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5175 So, what makes you ToughTed? 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5176 Now, listen up, and listen good. Don't get smart with me Teddy, or I'll pluck your eyes out! 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5177 Now Teddy, did you see Mrs. Bear eat your Eggo's 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5178 So Teddy, are you saying that after dinner last night you felt stuffed? 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5179 Your Honor, this stuffed animal, who is said to have the ability to gesture, refuses to indicate which of the divorcing parties he prefers to be with!" 1.1600 0.05966 50 43 6 1
5180 Look at the monkey, look at the monkey... 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5181 Come on, dammit! Place your paw on this bible. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5182 I am the Ginsberg Place-holder! 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5183 Your honour, I’ll prove to you that he’s bearing false witness. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5184 Admit it; you had motive and opportunity in the murder of Fred, the local taxidermist! 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5185 Though the baby bear seems unhappy, I may not show bias, I am convicting this bear of treason to thee Earth," said the judge, making it final. 1.1600 0.05966 50 43 6 1
5186 Your Honer, permission to treat the witness as fuzzy wuzzy 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5187 Your honor, today I intend to prove that Mr. NumNum did conspire to stuff the ballot box 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5188 ((Judge, I think the witness is an imposter.)) ((Are you sure, it says very clearly on his name tag first name teddy, last name bear)) 1.1600 0.05966 50 43 6 1
5189 "'Go ask Chucky?' Don't toy with me, you evil, little bastard. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5190 Do you miss your mommy? Why do you think she ran away from home? 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5191 Your Honor, bear with me. My witness is a bit taciturn. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5192 So you’re saying you were forced to eat the porridge by your momma and papa 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5193 Your honor, saying "Your head must be full of stuffing" is not badgering the witness. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5194 Judge:Show me on the bear where he touched you. Bear:I didnt sign up for this. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
5195 You're not familiar with the term "bear witness," your honor? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5196 Objection your honor, these leading questions are unbearable 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
5197 "Your honor, I have a couple of questions on redirect." 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5198 Your Honor, he seems to be a hostile witness. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5199 Let me repeat, being cuddly is no defense. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5200 Contained in this nanny cam is footage of the triple homicide that will clear my client of wrongdoing and also there’s a super fun episode of Kevin Can Wait in the background if her honor has 22 minutes for laughs, love and maybe even some lessons. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5201 If you have nothing more to say ... 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5202 Mr. Teddy Bear, where were you on the date of laundry? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5203 You are still very young, when you grow up you will take my place 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5204 For the trial transcript, Pookie what? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5205 Answer the question. Dogs or cats? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5206 And do you swear to ‘meow, meow’ the truth, and nothing but the truth? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5207 Can you provide more details about when you had the stuffing knocked out of you? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5208 your honor, being cuddly is not a defense! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5209 Your Honor, I will prove that Teddy killed Mr. Bim in a jealous fight over his banana. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5210 Your Honor, I'd like to question this witness. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5211 Your honor, we will prove this bear stole the honey! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5212 Were you alone on the Paddington-bound boat train? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5213 No, you may NOT treat the witness as hostile. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5214 Yes, Your Honor, I kissed Teddy but no tongues 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5215 Of course, you know, the teddy bear did it. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5216 So Mr Bear,could you show us where he touched you? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5217 I had a huge lunch so I guess we’re both stuffed. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5218 Oh ! How many years is he going to ...get ..for committing Cute ? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5219 Your honor the witness is stonewalling the jury, and he’s stuffed. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5220 Mr. Ted Bear claims he did nothing more than snuggle . 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5221 I'm sorry, your honor, but I can't bear to cross examine the witness. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5222 The state will prove under that soft snuggly exterior is nothing but fluff. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5223 Having spent decades among broken arm chairs in the defendant's attic make Mr. Buttons a hostile witness who has referred to my client as, and I directly quote here, "a really stupid rotten kid who deserves to die, alone and unloved." 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5224 My name is Theodore Bear. I deliver calm and security. I have been unemployed for four years. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5225 Yes, your honor, he's a teddy bear — a greedy, conniving, double-dealing teddy bear who embezzled millions from my client. 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
5226 He has nothing to hide. He will BEAR the consequences of his acts. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5227 You are under oath. This is not the time to remain silent. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5228 Judge,I request you strike his responses. I believe him to be full of stuffing. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5229 As far as character witnesses go, Mister Honeyhugger is unimpeachable. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5230 Miss Reynolds, can you show me where your client was was touched inappropriately? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5231 No this is not "some kind of joke"! I'll ask again: Did you or did you not share a bed with the victim the night of the 11th?. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5232 I am NOT badgering the witness! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5233 I'd like permission to treat this witness as hostile. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5234 I’m afraid you can’t plead the fifth. It does not apply to teddy bear. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5235 your honor, my client, he’s just an adorable little oomey goomey baby bear. prison will, the prisoners— your honor, may i have a word? 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
5236 Is it your testimony that you did not go into the woods that day to join the Teddy Bear's picnic.? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5237 I forgot to rewind the cassette tape. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5238 Your Honor, permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostel witness? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5239 Your honour, I object to the stuffed chair for the stuffed bear witness. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5240 You’re charged with the possession of an illegal weapon. How do you plead?” “Look your Honor, I plead the second.” “You mean the fifth?” “No, definitely the second. It clearly says we have the right to arm bears.” ..... “So, can I go now? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5241 In closing, the defendant is clearly guilty. Look how smug he is! 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5242 Cuteness is not a good defense. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5243 Sorry, your honor, didn’t catch that, did you say court is in session or cuddle session? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5244 Your Honor, will you directing witness to answer the question?? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5245 Mr. Snuggles seeks emancipation from little Betsy Sue, alias 'The Drooler,' your Honor. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5246 Hostile? Him? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5247 For the last time, I'm telling the truth and I refuse to cut out my fluff! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5248 Your Honor, I move to strike that last outburst by my client. 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
5249 Your Honor, this witness is more than I can bear. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5250 Snugglebugs testimony on the Teddy Bear Picnic Massacre left the entire court room in a state of complete shock 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5251 Permission requested to treat the witness as hostile and uncuddly. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5252 Your honor, he's not allowed to take the fifth! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5253 Your honor, please instruct the witness to bear on. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5254 Did Joanne's brother take you and hide you in the closet causing Joanne to hyperventilate when she could not find you? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5255 I thought he was going to be a softer witness. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5256 Your Honor, please tell the witness " STUFF IT" does not answer the question. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5257 The defendant seems to be bearing up well, your honor... 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5258 This witness is toying with the court, your Honour. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5259 Permission to hug Mister Squeezie, your honor... 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5260 You NEED me on that wall!! ....I ORDERED THE CODE RED!! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5261 And after she said, "This bed is too soft" what did she do? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5262 Has he been sworn in yet? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5263 Please, counselor, stop badgering the teddy bear. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5264 Judge, it’s a mediocris fabula gambit defense. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5265 Request permission to squeeze the witness. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5266 Your honor, I move to declare this witness hostile! But cuddly. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5267 The truth is , admittedly, a new concept here 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5268 So Teddy--Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God ? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5269 Speak up Ted. The judge can bearly hear you. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5270 May I treat the witness as snuggly? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5271 The prosecution rests your honor, as does the bear in the recliner. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5272 When I asked them for any eye witness, your honor, I didn't mean any eyes. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5273 Your Honor the witness will not cooperate! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5274 Yes, you heard it correctly. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5275 Your Honor, even if he had the right to Bear Arms, he still shouldn't have used them on my client! 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5276 You are here today to bear witness in the case 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5277 So you’re telling me that “Bare Necessities” is a euphemism for pooping in the woods? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5278 Don’t give me that fluff - we want the truth! 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5279 Objection, Your Honor. Mr. Ruxpin's testimony is hearsay. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5280 Somehow your grizzly details do not ring true 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5281 So, is this your only eye witness? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5282 Your honor, my client is innocent. He’s a teddy bear. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5283 And you say you can remember this with camera like precision? The forgetting is simply too much to bear? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5284 He's deaf and dumb your honor! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5285 Your Honor, I believe this expert witness has clearly demonstrated the actual intent of the Second Amendment. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5286 Councillor, just stick to the bear essentials. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5287 I swear your honor, he said 'I Love Mama' yesterday... 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5288 ummm... how did you get a hold of my teddy bear?! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5289 Judge, It was a rental. The bear cannot stay in the Hamptons. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5290 Objection, your honor. Witness is deliberately comforting the jury. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5291 This suspect is clearly guilty of the crimes he has been charged with, your honor 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5292 So,you say you saw her KISSING Santa Claus? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5293 We cannot make any-sense of the defendant's plea. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5294 Just the facts please. The 'bear' facts 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5295 Your, honor -- their witness may be unable to understand my question! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5296 And did you actually see your father eat this . . . Goldilocks? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5297 Your Honor my client pleads not guilty. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5298 My teddy bear demands the right to vote 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5299 Now tell the court what happened in your bedroom after you said "And there she is." 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5300 What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Teddy Bear? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5301 Your honor, my client pleads the Second, citing his right to "bear arms". 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5302 Will Your Honor please instruct the witness to be responsive to my questions? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5303 Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, answer my questions." "Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, tell the truth." "Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, finally fess up. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5304 Counsel, I get it, that you think the witness is a sniveling little coward, afraid of his own shadow, totally unworthy of any respect or credibility, but, do you have any questions about what he says he saw ? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5305 Finally a witness who will tell the truth. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5306 Your Honor, let the record show that the witness has refused to answer any of my questions. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5307 Your honour, I put it to you that this bear in disguise, beneath the tress where no body sees, was caught unawares all before six o’clock and that his ‘tired’ defence is little more than the ole ‘picnic’ excuse. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5308 Justice Barrett, I know you’ve never held a judgeship. Let me throw you a softball: I object to this witness. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5309 I ask the permission to touch the witness's belly, Your Honor. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5310 The outburst was nonresponsive. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5311 And then they told me to stuff it. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5312 ...and you are saying that the election was rigged? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5313 Then this bitch with golden locks-Sorry your honor, the defendant, tosses me out of my own bed. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5314 I know it’s not a badger your honor 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5315 I think the Democrats cheated but I lost my honey pot. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5316 Your Honor, this is a property dispute between Ms. Miller and Mr. Miller! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5317 Ms Bear, what were you wearing when you got the stuffing squeezed out of you??? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5318 Isn't it a fact, sir, that you are a Teddy Bear? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5319 Mr. Roosevelt, can anyone corroborate your story regarding the picnic, on October 23, 2020? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5320 This cross-examination is un-bearable. We will take 20 minute recess. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5321 Your Honor, the witness is refusing to answer the question. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5322 Your honor, may I play with the bear during our brief recess. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5323 When council said the witness was barely legal I wasn't expecting this... 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5324 I'd like to treat him as a hostile witness. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5325 Remember your oath not to bear false witness! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5326 Your honor, please advise the witness to answer my questions. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5327 Permission to treat as a non-hostile witness your Honor? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5328 So what you're saying is the votes shouldn't count unless they're votes for you. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5329 Your honor, I do not believe the 2nd Amendment applies in this case. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5330 Bear with me I have only one more question to ask you 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5331 Please tell the court what the accused, Mr. Ruxpin , said next. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5332 Mr. Ruxpin, would you be willing to show us on a child where the defendant touched you? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5333 My client will only speak under witness protection through X-Mas 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5334 Your Honor, please order the witness to answer the question. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5335 Your honor, if this is a nesting doll, we need access to the inside layers. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5336 This is very difficult to ask, but permission to treat the witness as hostile, your honor? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5337 Are you saying you did not see the Gingerbread Man break the windows in Barbie's doll house? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5338 Nothing furry, your honor. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5339 She stole me from the Bronx Zoo Judge Judy then tried to stuff me, so that why I tried to kill her. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5340 I realize it’s ironic, your honor. But this witness has no bearing in this case. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5341 Remember Mr. Ted, your under oath. Did you or did you not, out of a fit of jealously, beat the stuffing out of little Sarah's favorite fuzzy monkey? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5342 The bear just pleaded the fifth . . . and I'm outa here. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5343 Let me get this straight, counselor. You want me to designate the witness as hostile? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5344 Your honor, my client says his vote for president was stolen. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5345 Your Honor, the prosecution contends that Mr. Ruxpin is telling stories again. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5346 Your Honor, I would like to request that you declare this to be a "hostile witness." 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5347 Your Honor, I ask that the witness don’t cozy up to you. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5348 Objection your Honor!, this witness can never bear any evidence to these proceedings. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5349 Did you or did you not mail in a ballot, Mr. Bear? The people need to know! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5350 That's just my favourite teddy bear 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5351 Your honor, can we have a recess, I can't bear his tantrums about some pole anymore" 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5352 My client is ready to bear witness, your honor. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5353 Your honor please bear with me in this line of questioning. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5354 Your honor, permission to address the bear by its legal name — Nevada. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5355 Your honor, this man was under mandatory supervision for 5 years and remained at the allocated location until July 12, 2020. He claims that on July 13, 2020, his probation officer, who was a little girl, forced him to leave the house and packed him into a suitcase. He had no other choice. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5356 I can’t bear it anymore - it was me, I did it! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5357 But your honor, he’s Bear-ly legal. Shouldn’t we just put him back in his cage with the other illegals? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5358 I'm sorry, your honor, but this isn't Mister Bearsy the Wonderful Teddy Bear Spectacular 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5359 ‘Your Honor, I’ve done my best to be an emotional support to my humans...but 2020 got me like... 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5360 This is a strange venue for karaoke 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5361 So you are here today to testify against your keeper. The torture you have had to witness on other teddy bears as well as the suffering of yourself. Countless nights, where dribble was placed upon your head. The endless nights of suffocation & endless snoring you were forced to endure. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5362 Your honor this is a hostile witness don’t be fooled by how cute it is 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5363 I will ask you again - Did you or did you not bear witness to this crime? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5364 Your honor, this is a joke right? Because I can’t bear this anymore 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5365 Bears resemblance 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5366 Please describe for the court, in your own words and while being held against your will by Donald Trump, everything you saw and heard Donald Trump do and say in the personal residence of the White House between November 3 and November 10, 2020. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5367 Mr. Giuliani, do you have any more questions for your witness? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5368 Your honor, please use a polygraph. Oh, wait... 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5369 Your honor, he could not find his big boy pants 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5370 Mr. Ruxpin, can you please tell the court what’s on your tapes? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5371 Bear you are about to get arrest! Hahah see you in jail! Have fun bear in jail! 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5372 Counselor, I think you may have misinterpreted the meaning of “bear witness.” 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5373 Your Honor, I would like to request this witness be declared extremely hostile. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5374 Mr Cuddly - you confirm that is your signature on the mail-in ballot ? 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5375 So you are saying that the thunder made you do it. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
5376 Your Honor, as my client will testify, he sustained unBEARable injuries. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5377 Your honor, how can I be badgering the witness when he’s clearly a bear 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5378 Leonardo DiCaprio killed my father, yes sir 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
5379 The witness' story is made up out of whole cloth, your honor. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5380 Confess! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5381 Is it true you bear witness to the mauling of the victim? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5382 Don't worry; he'll bear witness. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5383 Your Honor, with all due respect, I firmly believe the defendant is full of it 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5384 I asked if you have anyone 'to' bear witness Ms. Tanner. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5385 How many times did he and his family vote for Biden? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5386 Why does he keep calling me honey? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5387 Teddy is here to bear witness. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5388 Your honor, can he really keep saying "I don't know" to every cross examination question? 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5389 Permission, your Honor, to tell the witness to "Get stuffed?" 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5390 When Smokey sings 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5391 I said call 'Barry' up to the stand, not 'Bear-y.' 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5392 Your honor I am bearly dressed for this occasion, allow me to hit the paws button 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5393 A bear?” “I refuse to endanger a black man by bringing him into this court. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5394 Your honor, Trump’s law suites are just unbearable! 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5395 Your Honor, when the defendant told Mr. Smith to bear with him, it was used as a figure of speech, in fact he did not want to be touched. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5396 Your honor this is a perfect substitute for the witness, I don’t see the any problems here. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5397 Please tell the court what happened when you tried to cast your vote in Philadelphia. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
5398 Your Honor, there is a non zero number of teddy bears in the room. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
5399 Your honor, the star witness appears to be intoxicated. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
5400 I have nothing to declare, your honor..." said Teddy in despair 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
5401 Your honor, Mr. Epstein’s nanny cam is refusing to speak. Permission to treat the witness as hostile? 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
5402 Sir, would you care to tell us a little bit more than the bear minimum? 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
5403 Objection, she’s pandering the witness your honor. 1.1500 0.04649 60 51 9 0
5404 In your defense Mr. bear, what have you seen on the day of the incident ? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5405 Your Honor, we can't hear the witness, please tell him to speak up. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5406 You are stretching your right to remain silent. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5407 And the defence will enter into evidence the results of professional psychologists, that our client's behaviour was do to not receiving enough hugs. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5408 Those eyes, that tummy, quit badgering the witness counsel. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5409 Despite the witness' cuddliness, I ask permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5410 I can't bear it anymore! I need to tell the truth. ....just pull the string on my back and I'll tell you everything. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5411 I believe he said he's a "don't care bear" your honor. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5412 Um, Teddy, could you rouse-a-belt? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5413 Ursula; do you promise to bear witness to the truth, the bare truth, and nothing but ........? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5414 Then what happened after the picnic? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5415 Your Honor, I wasn't badgering the defense witness...I just gave him a snuggle and a kiss goodnight. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5416 Please “bear” with me, your honor. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5417 Your honor, you he pleads the fifth. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5418 Smokey? Teddy? Who cares? It’s 2020 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5419 Ok, now where did you last see the child? 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5420 The Jury has found you guilty on all 12 counts of first degree murder. I sentence you to spend the rest of your wretched life in prison, and when your decrepit body rots, I'll see you in hell Mr. Johnson. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5421 As jurors you are not to be swayed by sympathy. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5422 Please tell the court why you want to change your designation from 'Teddy' to 'Trumpy'. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5423 Your honor, I respectfully ask the court to allow me to kick the stuffing out of the witness. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5424 Teddy on trail 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5425 Motion to cuddle this witness, your honor. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5426 Your honour - don't think this is what "bear witness" actually refers to. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5427 Listen up, did you vote? Your honor, please tell the witness to answer the question. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5428 Request permission to treat the witness as cuddly. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5429 You can expect that this questioning will be no picnic. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5430 If it pleases the court, may we take a brief hibernation? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5431 Just because you sang in the Teddy Bear's Choir does not take away the true Guilt of who you really are! 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5432 Mr. Cuddlesworth wasn't sure how long he could take the badgering...he was ready to crack and admit his crime. Besides, that little brat deserved it he thought. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5433 What ! The Supreme Court will be the final arbiter? I am AI 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5434 Judge, Id like to request a brief recess - I think my client needs a hug. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5435 Your Honor, I ask the court to admonish the witness for not being responsive. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5436 Your Honor, this is child's play. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5437 Counsel, pleases address the witness as "Theodore." 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5438 Your honor, please compell the witness to testify. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5439 We're asking that you grant probation if he agrees to loose 3 pounds. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5440 Ma’am, the witness has been puppeteering. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5441 Your Honor, the prosecution requests the right to press the defendant's pad. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5442 The Fifth Amendment only applies to “persons,” not teddy bears. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5443 Ok, let’s review this one more time. You like your porridge warm, but not too hot. Would you describe the temperature as ‘just right’ 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5444 Are you or are you not Fuzzy Wuzzy? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5445 Will the court specify that Teddy is a reluctant witness, your Honor? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5446 Your witness, Teddy, knew he’d be testifying today. He should have replaced his batteries this morning. Objection denied. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5447 Your Honor, the witness is bear naked. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5448 Yes your Honor, this is necessary, but my client's verbal ability is limited. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5449 Please let the court records show that the witness has waived his right to bear arms. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5450 Your Honor, this witness is obviously full of himself. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5451 I suppose your silence indicates your unwillingness to answer a direct question. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5452 And your referral was from WHERE? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5453 You could at least plead the 5th 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5454 Tell me Snuffles “ who stitched you”? 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5455 Please instruct the witness to identify all his ursine family members 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5456 My client is willing to settle on a little bit fuzzy 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5457 The allegation is that you are stuffed with drugs. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5458 Your Honor, Prosecution would like the Court record to show that this witness is uncooperative. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5459 Your honor, that's blatant bearsay. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5460 Your honor, I object to the description of my client as a 'beady-eyed beast.' 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5461 It appears the witness is invoking his Second Amendment right to bear arms. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5462 Let me remind you Mr. Wuzzy, you're under oath. You expect us to believe you're allergic to honey?! 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5463 Yes Your Honor, I do admit that I, Winnie the Pooh, do live in the forest, all by myself, under the name of Sanders. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5464 If this is another prank, Jill, you can keep the bear. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5465 the defendant is refusing to answer 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5466 Objection, Your Honor! A false bear shalt not be a witness. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5467 Your honor, I’ve already told Counselor Goldilocks several times that i’m juuuuust right! 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5468 Your honor, I’m going to need a little leeway in my cross examination of this witness.” “Please bear with me if you would, your honor.” “The testimony may get a little grizzly.” “Now, Mr. Theodore, will you please tell the court... 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5469 Bear in mind that the facts just don't bear out Bare Bear's bearing no responsibility for the honey pot being bare. . 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5470 And just how many times did you go around the garden, Mr. Teddy Bear? 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5471 I was sitting in the living room window at 5:30pm on May 22nd, 2020 and there are 14 children who can confirm my alibi. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5472 Your honor, I’m really not sure why he is suing the state.. he can’t count anyway. 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
5473 For years, he’s been forcing me into his bed and touching me without consent 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5474 Mr. Bubblegum, please show the court where he touched you. 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5475 Your honour, we call witness A) thrown out of the presidential pram 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5476 # your honnor he . 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5477 Yea I killed him. But he said I’d gone SOFT! 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5478 ‘The State’s main witness beared up under cross examination.’ 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
5479 Are you positive that the defendant do not put you down and leave the room without you During those 24 hours? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
5480 "But your Honor, cuteness is a crime!" 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
5481 Members of the jury,can’t you see that this person’s husband reduced her to a shell of her former self? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
5482 Your honor, children should spend time with the defendant all day instead of leaving him home to go to work as forced 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
5483 Your honor, I’m sure to lose this case. This bear is incapable of answering my questions. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
5484 Mr Bear, please tell the court why you went into the Woods' residence. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
5485 Mister Bear, how long have you been married to Molly Dolly? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5486 A character witness, your honor. Disney, that is. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5487 my apologies your honor I'm not used to this you're going to have to bear with me 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5488 Blink if the Nanny Cam is recording me right now. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5489 And Muffins, where did you see Billy hide the Lindbergh baby doll? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5490 Your honor, this is prosecutorial misconduct. My client was bearly negligent. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5491 Your honor, according to the oath of teddy bears, he cannot swear or be sworn in. Anything he says cannot be bearified. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5492 Your silence is incriminating 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5493 Can this court really bear the truth? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5494 You claim to have believed the transmogrifier gun was 'imaginary' before pointing it at the victim, Calvin, and disintegrating him? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5495 Your Honor, request permission to treat Mr. Snuggles as a hostile witness. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5496 Where did you find Miss Piggy with Miss Teddy 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5497 This is who stole all the gummy bears from the store? Are you sure? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5498 Your honor, please ask the witness to get stuffed. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5499 Your honor, I feel you should recuse yourself due to your childhood relationship with Cuddles. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5500 You can exercise your right to remain silent all you like, Mr. Bear, but we know what you did. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5501 Counselor,this court will not allow you to bear false witness. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5502 Your honor,the fact my client is considered plush qualifies him to plead the fifth amendment. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5503 Your Honor, where's the translator the prosecution agreed to? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5504 Your honor, I ask that this witness be declared hostile. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5505 Your Honor, I present the defendant. While it may not be human, it cannot escape the classification of being animate. The artificial intelligence of this talking toy hypnotized thousands of people to vote for Trump. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5506 No,you can't declare the witness a hostile Teddy. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5507 Will you “bear” witness? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5508 These proxy appearances are getting to be more than I can bear. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5509 I think that it’s pleading the 5th 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5510 Yes,your Honor,the accused punched my client and threw him across the room upon learning there would be no Halloween this year. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5511 Answer the question, Mr. Fluffy. Did you or did you not know the struts on the bridge were faulty before you approved its use for the public? Twenty-six people are dead, sir. You have created widows. You have created orphans. They deserve answers. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5512 If, as you claim, you not to know the defendant, how do you explain the bits of fur from your coat on his pillow? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5513 I assume you are continuing to take the Fifth? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5514 Please, squeak up. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5515 Are you certain, Ms. Braun, that there were no other character witnesses available for Mr. Trump? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5516 So, tell us again how you felt stuffed and unwanted. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5517 Your honor, he was in the room where it happened. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5518 You are being charged with treason for revealing classified information in your book "My secret life with 45". 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5519 S/he needs to stop talking! 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5520 Bear witness, your Honour 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5521 Dual admissions of guilt: raised hands in surrender + silence is complicity. I rest my case, your Honor. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5522 Objection your honor the witness’ testimony is all fluff. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5523 Not what I meant by bear witness... 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5524 It was all him, a couple of dark web-savvy preschoolers, and a contact at Purdue Pharma. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5525 I'm not sure being as cute as a bug's ear is going to help you with your triple murder charge. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5526 Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, Mr. Stuffins 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5527 Raise your right hand if you swear to tell the complete truth ... your left hand if you plan to lie . 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5528 Is this the generic Alexa stand-in? If so, you can pursue your questions. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5529 If it pleases the court, I’d like to consider Mr. Teddy a hostile - although incredibly cute and cuddly - witness. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5530 Your honor, before I proceed with questioning, may I remove the stitches from the witness's lips? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5531 Did you—or did you not—tamper with this mail-in ballot? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5532 Did you or did you not order the Code Red, answer the question. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5533 Your honor, my client wishes to "take the fifth." 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5534 Please, just let me bear witness! 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5535 The judge can't place you in the Witness Protection Program until you finger the perp. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5536 What’s your evidence that my client ate your porridge? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5537 You say he knocked the stuffing out of you. Then what? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5538 You say you arrived at the Teddy Bear’s Picnic to find Mr. Pooh intoxicated. What happened then? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5539 Can you bear to retell the court what happened on the date in question? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5540 Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Up Above The Worlds of High. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5541 Your Honor, the witness is still out counting votes this is his proxy... 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5542 ‘Objection Your Honor! Mr. Teddy is clearly refusing to answer the most important questions relevant to my client’s tricycle accident case, was it the squirrel or the Labrador retriever?! 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5543 So you were taken from your shelf, and made your escape from your captor whom had dressed you in green corduroy overalls? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5544 Dunno bout you yer honor, but it isn’t ‘orange blossom citrus’ whisping out of his #stickups!b🌹 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5545 Time to lay bear the truth! 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5546 Well... Innocence is evident, I concede, without suing further, for a change 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5547 Can you confirm that it was six o'clock when their Mommies and Daddies took them home to bed? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5548 could you describe the conditions of the box in which you and your colleagues were held in the defendant's room? 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5549 Resorting to childhood memories? I know our privacy is less and less respected, but damn! 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5550 And who did you see stealing the election, Mr. Cruz? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
5551 Mr Bear does it not clearly state "Must not be removed until delivered to the customer by law" 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5552 Care-bear huh? Was there any care during November 23 2020, or did you leave all that behind after you committed that horrible act 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
5553 The witness is unwilling to testify, your honor. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5554 Your Honor, I ask to withdraw from this case. I've represented people with speech issues before, but I'm not confident this client can assist in any way whatsoever in his case. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5555 Your honor, may it please the court, I must decline to refer to this witness as Theodore. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5556 Your Honor, the witness is full of fluff. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5557 And then he stuffed you with fluff!? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5558 He is a huge, yuge problem. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
5559 Your honor, permission to treat this witness as too cute for words? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5560 Just look at how innocent he is. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5561 Your Honor, I call Mr. Pooh as a character witness in these proceedings... 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5562 The witness had to go potty. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5563 And we thought clowns were scary. But you! You have been exposed, and your belly's tempting fur is no defense in this court. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5564 Mr. Bear,when is the last time the defendant cuddled you at night? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5565 That,your honour,is a very dangerous creature. It is too huggable. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5566 Does your father know you set those fires? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5567 Please tell the court, "Ms. Bear", when were you first hired by Jeffrey Epstein? 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
5568 What other kind of bear witness? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5569 This is what happened after Teddy fought grandma with his bare hands. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5570 He’s been an unreliable witness since they removed the teddy cam. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5571 Your honor, do I have permission to treat the witness as cuddly? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5572 It’s about to get a whole lot more frivolous. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5573 ‘’Your honor, Mr. Bears fluff was found all over the culprit, he gave him real stuffing. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5574 So we’re just supposed to grin and bear it? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5575 Your honor, after being pulled out of the childhood box where I have resided for the last decade, I can attest - the defendant is STRESSED. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5576 he wasn’t wearing a mask, your honor 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5577 Did you or did you not kill Mila?!!! 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5578 And did you, or did you not, illegally dump thousands of ballots into this election as the president claims? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
5579 He's naked, Your Honor. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5580 Speak up. And don't act soft and fuzzy. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5581 Permission to treat this as a hostile witness, you honor? 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5582 I can't bear to look at him, your honor. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5583 Your honor, how long must we bear this stuffy witness? 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5584 May it please the court, the defense needs a teddy bear interpreter for Snuggles to answer the questions. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5585 A teddy bear is prima fácie incredible on its face and in the stuffing. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5586 Your Honor, permission to treat the bear as overly cuddly witness? 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5587 Mr. Snugglebug, you are being accused of bearing false witness at this trial. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5588 I declare him to be a hostile, but loveable, witness. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5589 I understand pleading the 5th, but silence is not an option! 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5590 But your honor, he couldn't have eaten all the honey. He's inanimate. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5591 Your Honor, permission to redirect and thus, re-pull the clients string. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5592 He took my place in her bed. Then, it happened! 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5593 Listen here, Mr.Stuffington, Cut the fluff and cut straight to the chase. Have you or have you not bear witness to the victim being strangled by the suspect's bare hands? 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5594 A whistleblower finally comes forward to reveal the long suspected link between the Care Bears and the Church of Scientology... 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5595 And do you bear witness to the proceedings? 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5596 I’ve been ignored since she’s been virtually learning from home. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5597 And did the baby go pee-pee when she left the crib? 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5598 Your honor, I lay bare my case that the Democrats are trying to steal the election. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5599 Admit it Your Honor, even you find him irresistible. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5600 Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?! 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5601 As you can see, my client is too traumatized to speak. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5602 If your Honor could remind the witness of the penalty for bear false witness. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5603 well that depends on what your definition of 'is' is 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
5604 What Theodore witnessed proves that although the sign suggested otherwise, the defendant’s action was not a gesture of goodwill. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5605 Look, the last time I saw that kid he dropped at the MOMA gift shop, I swear 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5606 No, he's not a real witness your honor, but I just thought the court could really use a cute teddy bear after this week. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5607 'Bearly Legal' 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
5608 Justice Scalia taught me more than just law. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
5609 Can you bear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
5610 How can you plead the Fifth; I haven't asked a question yet. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
5611 Is it true that, following the celebratory dinner on February 16, 2019, you commented to Mr. Ted Bayer. 'Gee. I'm stuffed'? 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
5612 If it doesn't fit, you must acquit. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
5613 And at this juncture, where was the woobie? 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
5614 Your Honor, permission to treat the defendant as a textile witness. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
5615 So you lied about seeing the crime? Are you saying you're the bear false witness? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5616 Did you ever actually see Stevie make an attempt on Lois's life? 1.1364 0.06161 44 39 4 1
5617 Ted pleads innocent. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5618 Regarding the honey jar, Mr. Bear. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5619 Your Honor, his constant abuse was simply unbearable 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5620 Isn’t it true that you were neither as small nor as cute on the night in question? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5621 Your Honor, the witness is dodging testimony by masquerading as a paralyzed mute. Have you seen "Toy Story"? I rest my case. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5622 And do you see the Maltipoo who tore your head off in the room at this moment? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5623 I simply can't bare the idea that someone thinks I had something to do with this. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5624 You told each and every stuffed animal in the store to carry a big stick and you used them on people who tried to buy you, didn't you? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5625 No, you may not have permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5626 This is the bear, Your Honor, who bit off my right boob. 1.1364 0.06161 44 39 4 1
5627 We know he attacked the Frenchman, who was Claude. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5628 Your honor, the witness is being uncommunicative. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5629 My client requests Barbie, OMG, and LOL dolls on the jury! 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5630 In the case of Mr. Teddy vs Amazon, I rule in favor of Mr. Teddy, decreeing that no person has the right to abuse a teddy bear. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5631 Permission to treat the witness as fluffy? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5632 Good luck if you're planning to bear it in prison. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5633 Now, Winnie, think it over, think it under carefully before you respond. What did you mean when you said that you would make him an offer he could not refuse? 1.1364 0.06161 44 39 4 1
5634 Your Honor, I would like to treat this witness as hostile. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5635 Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you are about to give is true and you are here to “bear” witness? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5636 Your Honor, please instruct Teddy not to bear false witness. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5637 Yes, your honor, this is a textbook example of having to "bear witness" 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5638 My client was not at the picnic where Cock Robin went missing. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5639 Then he huffed and he puffed and he blew my house down. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5640 And who was cuddling you late at night on the 26th of October? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5641 You knew I wasn’t going to take t you yo college... 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5642 Permission to threat the teddy bear as hostile. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5643 And just when did your little friend tell you he hated his parents and wanted them dead. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5644 President Trump, you may present your first witness. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5645 Now Mr. Snuggles, you witnessed the voter fraud, isn’t that right?” Trump’s legal team gets underway 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5646 'Your honor, can we take a brief recess to cuddle? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5647 Mr. Teddy, did you or did you not kill your owner by means of excessive cuddling? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5648 i am sorry your honor but the witness is a fraudulent stuffed bear and not a genuine bear 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5649 He's been witness to the whole thing... 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5650 Relevance? Teddy here feels embarrassed because the defendant complained his "rack" was too small. 1.1364 0.06161 44 39 4 1
5651 Mr. Teddy, Let me get this straight. When Timmie fell into the fell, you just sat on the rim and watched him drown and did not go for help. Is that Correct. Yes or No? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5652 You must be kidding! You’re telling me to, “stuff it!?” 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5653 Mam, you want me order a seat belt for your new court reporter? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5654 My client takes the fifth. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5655 Your Honor, my client asks that the charges against him for honey theft be dropped on grounds of temporary insanity as he pursued a bee that stung him back to the hive on Farmer Jones farm. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5656 Mr. Fluffles, can anyone corroborate this picnic alibi of yours? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5657 Could we get some more stuffing for him? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5658 Your honor,surely you agree this hostile witness is a bare 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5659 And you claim at the time of the murder you were in bed with President Trump? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5660 Your honor, before the lunch break I told my client to take the 5th. He took that to mean desserts and says he's now too stuffed to testify. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5661 I don't care if your friend Fuzzy Wuzzy pulled the trigger. You are an accomplice! 1.1364 0.06161 44 39 4 1
5662 He was the only witness willing to cooperate,your honor. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5663 I’m stuffed already Madam Prosecutor - no hidden ballots here ma’am. I so paw-swear!” 🐾. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5664 Sussane! I had a crazy dream last night, the new judge was just a toy and #ruthbaderginsburg was still with us 🧡 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5665 Teddy, took the stand to bear witness .... 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5666 In the case of Teddy v. Nevada, the court rules Nevada’s handling of ballots to be unbearable. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5667 Mr Teddy, bear in mind that your under oath. It is a simple question. ¿Did you or didn't you vote more than once? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5668 Your honor,excuse my client, he can't stop playing truth or lie. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5669 Is it true that you've never left work to take care of a sick child? 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
5670 Your honor, may I bear down on the witness? 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
5671 Your honor, if you will bear with me, I must warn the witness that to bear false witness under oath is to bear the consequence of committing perjury and possible jail-time, something I fear Mr. Teddy Bear may find unbearable. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
5672 Does his voice box work, or do we have to call an interpreter? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5673 Your honor, would you please instruct Mr. Bear that feigning surrender is not an acceptable answer. 1.1333 0.06030 45 40 4 1
5674 The witness is unresponsive. I move to acquit Goldilocks. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5675 Do I have your honor's permission to treat Fluffybear as a hostile witness? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5676 "Then how did the peanut butter get on your paws?" 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5677 A bear, to bear witness! Let's see if it bears fruit! 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5678 Stop saying "How should I know? I didn't see anything!" 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5679 Did Miss Mittens put you up to this Alienation of Affection suit against the new puppy? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5680 Your witness bears more scrutiny. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5681 Your honor, the prosecution recommends a cute little Build-a-Bear ankle monitor. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5682 Objection sustained. Stop badgering the witness, Ms. Hunter. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5683 I must recuse myself as I had a teddy just like him. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5684 It’s time for you to bear witness. Should be pretty easy for you! 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5685 Your honor, the defendant invokes their second amendment right to bear arms. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5686 Ms. Maxwell, your silence only incriminates you further. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5687 Your Honor,the teddy bear speaks for itself. 1.1333 0.06030 45 40 4 1
5688 The bench won't warn you again. This is a juvenile proceeding. Don't badger the teddy bear! 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5689 Yes, I was cub napped by Goldilocks. I want my mama. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5690 It’s time to accept button-eye witnesses. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5691 Judge Barsotti set the precedent: He's not allowed to plead cute. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5692 I can't bear to hear this. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5693 Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the whole truth? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5694 You admit prior false testimony. You knew BOTH siblings. One cuddled with you. The other considered you a tchotchke. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5695 And yet you failed to notify authorities. 1.1333 0.06030 45 40 4 1
5696 Your honor, the defendent claims he was unlawfully strip searched. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5697 Ted. Please refrain from swearing. This is a courtroom not a movie set. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5698 Your honor, does the right to bear arms not also imply a right to bear hugs? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5699 Permission treat the witness as hostile? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5700 Admit it, you beat the stuffing out of him. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5701 Permission to treat Mr. Fuzzywuzzy as a hostile witness? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5702 So Mr.Teddy-Bear, you're the one who counted the Nevada ballots? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5703 And you expect us to believe you were just playing a recording!? 1.1333 0.06030 45 40 4 1
5704 Your Honor, this witness is way too young to provide any credible testimony". 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5705 Your honor this is a serious case of catfish 1.1333 0.06030 45 40 4 1
5706 Witness Ted E. Bear: “I’m sorry, Your Honor, my memory is a little fuzzy.” 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5707 Let the record show that the defendant can not put his paws by his side. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5708 State your name for the record.” “Theodore Fresh.” @teddyfres 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5709 Your honor the defendant feels the allegations are un'bear'able. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5710 Your honor, permission to treat the witness as unbearable? 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
5711 My client supports the right to bear witness, the right to bear children, and the right to bear arms. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
5712 And then the bogey man came at me with a ballot and so it was self defence 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
5713 Supreme Court calls Trump’s lawyer time the stand. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
5714 I have a hard time believing you. Your story is full of fluff 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5715 Could you confirm that you are Ted E. Bear? 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5716 I just don't think this furniture is appropriate for a child's room. 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5717 Is it true Mr Snuggles that you told Teddy that you would, beat the stuffing out of him? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5718 Objection, your Honor!!" "Overruled Counsel. Let the record show he is indeed a luvey-muvey-stuffy-guvey-wummakins. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5719 Your Honor, Teddy did not shoot the bear 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5720 Furthermore, my client has immunity under the Washington Convention. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5721 Your honor, his lies are barely holding on 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5722 The defense rest and would also like a nap. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5723 Your honor, counsel's objection is not well taken. This witness is uniquely qualified to present nothing but the "bear" facts. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5724 Well, your Honor, you asked if someone could bear witness. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5725 Your honor, please tell the witness to answer my question. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5726 Would you please point to the perpetrator who stretched and pulled and punched and bit you? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5727 Bear with us, counsellor. Please proceed. He was sworn in on a box of breakfast cereal this morning. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5728 Will the witness please spell out for the Court the name of his alleged unindicted conspirator E-oar or EOR or Eeyore or... 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5729 You claim that he beat the stuffing out of you, and yet... 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5730 Have you stopped stuffing your wife? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5731 I always thought Mr. Trump has less hair. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5732 Can the Teddy Cam plead the 5th? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5733 I'm not going to allow you to bear witness. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5734 Bear not your soul. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5735 jack Nicholson " you can't bear to hear the truth!!" 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5736 Your Honor, my client is protected by our constitutional right to bear arms 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5737 Hashtag, the little bastard made a pass at me you know. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5738 Could you please instruct my witness to answer the question. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5739 I nee to get back for the next Ted movie! 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5740 When you told me the witness was trans this is not what I expected. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5741 Just whose bed were you in on the night Kelsey was born? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5742 Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not guilty, I just sleep with the witness! 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5743 Again I ask you. Dare you bear all? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5744 So, you do admit to eating the ballots. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5745 Every word of this testimony is bear assertion. 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5746 The witness denies abandoning you and failing to meet child support payments 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5747 Mr. Pooh, could you restate for the record the specific slanderous words that were uttered to you by Mr. Piglet? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5748 Permission treat the witness as hosti...er...hus...ohhh, huggable! 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5749 My apologies, your Honor—I’m finding this witness just a wee bit too stuffy for this cross examination. 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5750 Objection, the answer is non responsive. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5751 Permission to treat defendant's teddy bear as a hostile witness your honor? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5752 Your honor, the defense calls Bear Witness to the stand. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5753 Your honor, my client is here to testify about the integrity of Build-A-Bear's ballot stuffing program 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5754 How do explain that your polyester filler was found in the victim's mouth? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5755 On Tuesday, November 3rd, were you cuddly or not? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5756 1. Your honor, I’d like to call an all new materials witness to the stand. 2. Witness, please refrain from referring to the defendant as “my little Tommy”. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5757 Your Honor, with your permission, I'd like to treat this witness as a hostile witness." 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5758 So Ted. Where were you on the night of the pajama party? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5759 Sally misunderstood “bear witness.” 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5760 Your honour,if the witness could stick to the bear facts. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5761 Your honor, my client requests a change of venue, counsel and the kid who owns him. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5762 For the last time, Mr. Snuggles, you cannot plead the Second. 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5763 Request permission to treat as a hostile witness, your honor. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5764 So Baby Bear... Can you describe the alleged intruder? Maybe the color of her hair?” 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5765 Your Honor, I request to treat this bear as a hostile witness. 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
5766 And then what did you do with the stuffing, Mr. Wuggles? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5767 Your Honor, my client would ask your judicial notice that ‘Teddy’ includes: brown, black, grizzly, polar, and panda, but not the Chicago Bears” 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5768 And approximately how many Sharpies did you see, sir? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5769 Your honor, it's clear that it's barely legal for the witness to offer evidence for the defense. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5770 Where were you on the night of November 3, 2020? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5771 It’s called High Bear Nation, I assumed it was legal here! 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5772 Mute spectator 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5773 Could you take the court to that night... in the Dryer?...and the fluffy towels...? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5774 As Mr. Teddy Bundy says, there must be some kind of mix-up. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5775 how do you plead, beary suspicious? 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
5776 So. Taking the 5th again, Teddy? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
5777 Your honor, the stuffed bear is just too cute to cross examine. I’ll just have to rest my case, and cuddle up with the cute little teddy bear. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
5778 And why were you at a picnic during a pandemic?! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
5779 If Your Honor will bear with me... 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
5780 And where exactly did you find those ballots, Mr. Teddy Bear? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
5781 It should be a crime to be this cute, Your Honor. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
5782 Objection! Witnessing the badger! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
5783 (Off-screen) "You sold me out for a picnic basket!? But we've always said that we'd be best friends until the very end, Mister McFluffins!" 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
5784 Buy a room with a toilet in it and eat the toilet. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
5785 Your Honor, this witness has no BEARING on this case. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
5786 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this crime was truly barbearic. Pardon me, let me catch my bearings. I can't bare to talk about it. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
5787 I request permission to treat the witness as hostile your honor. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
5788 Your honor, Mr cuddles stands accused of cuteness in the third degree. The prosecution is seeking the death penalty 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
5789 Before I say anything else, you will adhere to the rule: snitches get stitches, right? Cause I’ve got some stuffing coming out of my bum. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
5790 Your honor, our campaign contends that the witness voted fraudulently. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
5791 So, declare how many of my votes did you destroyed? 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
5792 Thank you Counselor. My judicial assistant, Teddy and I have reviewed your case and come to the conclusion it does not please the court. 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
5793 Permission to treat this Witness as Hostile"_ " Mr. Snuggles, where were you on the 3rd of November? Who, if anyone else, was also there? 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
5794 Objection your honor! Teddy’s vote must be count! 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
5795 Kyle Camera, is it true you that on the night of September 14 2013 you witnessed 'water sports' in room 733 of the Moscow Ritz-Carlton Hotel? 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
5796 You're leading the witness. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
5797 Yes, your honor, I love Mr Rumple, too. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5798 And what did you bear witness to? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5799 yes, Winky. We could all use a hug. But I am more concerned here with the burden of proof. And evidentiary thresholds. 1.1163 0.05962 43 39 3 1
5800 Let me remind you, you are under oath. Have you ever met Mr. P.C. Vey, what did he promise you and when 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5801 Eek! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5802 I am made at the same factory as PPE! 1.1163 0.05962 43 39 3 1
5803 Your honor, may I have permission to treat this witness as cuddlicious? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5804 Permission to treat as a hostile wisdom, your honor? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5805 But your honor Amy, he did not run a truthful campaign! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5806 Your Honor, on behalf of the plaintiff, I cannot read lips or arms . . . 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5807 The prosecution moves to adjourn until well after Christmas your honor. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5808 Did you just swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Cinnamon Bear' 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5809 Stop staring at me. I saw everything and will tell nothing unless you know my password. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5810 I can't bear to hear this testimonial any longer 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5811 I think its trying to say it doesn't even like to cuddle 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5812 Judge let me clarify. I said bear witness not bear witness. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5813 YOUR porridge! Ha! That's a lie, Clyde, and you darn well knew it. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5814 Teddy Snugglebuns, where exactly were you on the night of the murder? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5815 Your Honor, I request that I may treat this witness as hostile. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5816 My client, Your Honor, argues that the name “ Winnie the Pooh” is demeaning and dirty and is suing the author... 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5817 We were able to place the the defendant at the murder by positively matching trace fuzz fibers found at the crime scene to a sample of his belly fluff we obtained through a warrant. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5818 Your Honor,Counsel is badgering the witness! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5819 And so Mr. Ted E. Bear, why are you at odds with your neighbor, Miss Gold E. Locks ? 1.1163 0.05962 43 39 3 1
5820 *Seinfeld Voice* WHAT ARE THESE TEDDY BEARS DOING IN THE COOOURT ROOOM? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5821 This was a mistake and I'm just now realizing that I'm letting my enthusiasm for drugs interfere with my job. Why did you let me do this, Elaine? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5822 Your Honor, may I barrow you gavel? I need to knock the stuffing out of the witness. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5823 Your Honor, I’d ask the court’s permission to treat this witness as adorable. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5824 I'm sorry, your Honor, but it doesn't look like this witness just had the stuffing beaten out of him. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5825 Teddy is a legal fiction. Therefore your questioning may proceed. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5826 “Hm, I see…so you say your client set fire to a neighbour’s bungalow, because he stole his talking teddy bear.” 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5827 I invoke my 5th Amendment Rights 1.1163 0.05962 43 39 3 1
5828 So, your testimony to the court is that the defendant finished off the bottle and then proceeded to hug the stuffing out of you? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5829 I want the name change because too many strippers are using it!! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5830 Your honor, please direct the witness to give me a quick snuggle. 1.1163 0.05962 43 39 3 1
5831 So Theodore,it is my understanding that other than beard burn and your claimed despondancy at my client's sudden apparently unprovoked tone of voice change ,you have no other allegations of misconduct by him.Is this the case? Yes or no Sir! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5832 Your honor, the witness remains unresponsive. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5833 I'm sure you will agree, your honor, that being cute and cuddly can only get you so far in this world.. and that you must obey the rules!! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5834 Your Honor, may I have some private time to cuddle with the witness? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5835 I know he may not look dangerous, but think of all those uprooted bees . 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5836 So Mom, did you really think Teddy was going to tell you who I am dating because he is under oath? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5837 So you’re saying the stuffing that was found in the cookie jar just ‘got there’... 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5838 What an unbearable position to be in. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5839 Permission to take the witness home and snuggle him until the panic attacks subside, Your Honor? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5840 Who’s the puppet here? 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5841 Your honor, I called Bill Barr to the stand, not build-a-bear. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5842 Your honor, based on Mr. Ruxpin’s insistence on replying to every question by asking if he and I can be friends, I’d like permission to treat him as a hostile witness. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5843 Corduroy’s Day in Court: “isn’t it true you told the officer you went to the 4th floor in the middle of the night to look for a missing button?!?” 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5844 Your honor, he said I could use some stuffing 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5845 Your honor, my client is within his rights to ‘bear arms’ 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
5846 Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg on equal rights 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5847 Your honor, I don't think this witness is deemed a credible alibi . 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5848 "I'm sorry, but we have no law that allows a bear to say he's a koala". 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
5849 Motion to squeeze to test alleged "cuddliness", your honor. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5850 Your motion to consider Boo-Boo a hostile witness is denied. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5851 You knew very well what was in that pic-a-nic basket. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
5852 Just stuff it. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5853 Permission to treat this bear as a hostile witness, Your Honor? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5854 I’d suggest you tell the truth, the whole truth or you’ll be sent to a crib forever. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5855 I'd like to treat this witness as hostile during my cross-stitch, Judge. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
5856 . . . and tell me, Mr. Teddy, "Do you really expect the jury to believe that you are "Naive"? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5857 You’re certain that you saw Christopher Robin murder Eeyore? You say because he was constantly gloomy? That would get annoying, I grant you. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5858 Teddy, the court asks you take the Bully Pulpit to demand Trump not allow oil and gas interests into Bears Ears! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5859 Your Honor, I object to Trumpy Bear as a stand-in for the defendant in this trial. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5860 I'm a bear of 'Very Little Brain.' I don't know what happened to all the honey. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5861 Your alibi is that you were in bed with who? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5862 Your honor , this witness is toying with us. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5863 Alright, Mr. Teddy Woogums. I'd like you to show me on this small child where the bad man touched you. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5864 I suppose you call yourself a product of a legal abortion. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5865 I wouldn't call it badgering your Honor. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
5866 Your honor, I have no alternative but to treat this witness as huggable. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
5867 Your honor I have every reason to believe that this not Teddy ! " 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5868 So,you picked up the sun-machine gun and then... 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5869 Your honor, my client does not wish to bear witness against his neighbor 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5870 Your honor,we'll have no problem with a gag order in this trial! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5871 I don't think the 5th amendment covers you! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5872 Lucy, my mother found the box under the bed. She told Sally and now they are asking for all our bank receipts. Will you please explain what the hell is going on? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5873 . “Silence has always meant only one thing your honour...... GUILT !!!!” 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5874 Your honor, my client would like to be returned to the Guatemalan factory until this election is settled 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
5875 Your honor and the jury, a bedroom without a Teddy Bear is like a child's face without a smile. So PLEASE consider my client to being not guilty." 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
5876 Permission to treat as hostile,Your Honor. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5877 Your honor, the defense rests. The defendant clearly had the right to bear arms. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5878 Your honor...this bear puts Vicks in his nose every evening. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5879 I said Ted... not Teddy Bundy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5880 Clearly,the witness is 'barely' culpable 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5881 Showing naked for your court appearance naked is unacceptable. But yes your underarms do not stink. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5882 You've been charged with kiddy abandonement. Pleading the 5th will not save your cuddly butt! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5883 Ok, Teddy, stop sitting there looking stupid and answer the question. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5884 You'll have to speak up, sir. You sound all stuffed. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5885 Your Honor it is crystal clear to me, the jury and everyone in this courtroom that Teddy is guilty of being too cute. No further questions, I rest my case. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5886 And, hereafter, Mr. Winnie shall not be referred to as The Pooh. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5887 Objection your honor, the witness is just too cute. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5888 You were right there with all the other stuffies,Teddy, so who knocked the fluff out of Barny? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5889 Yes, I can “bear” with you, but don’t try that plea again! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5890 No more questions your honor, the defendant's testimony gave me paws. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5891 your honor, my client would never do... that 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5892 In the courtroom, a judge listens to a woman, presumably the attorney to a teddy-bear seated on a comfy chair. The judge and the bear both have a microphone, and the attorney woman is holding a paper in her right hand. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
5893 Don’t let the defendant’s Huggable demeanor mask it’s tendency to Bear False Witness 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5894 Wanting to cuddle with the witness is grounds enough for Your Honor to recuse herself from this case. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
5895 Teddy, when it comes to contraband transport, you’re in reality a mule and not a bear; isn’t that correct?" 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
5896 Your Honor the defendant is obviously bearing false witness. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5897 Sure, and my eyes are made of quartz. Please just tell us what you saw. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5898 Now tell the court what Donald did too you. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5899 Objection sustained...the prosecution may not push the defendant’s PLAY button...this case is dismissed. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5900 Please bear with my line of reasoning, Your Honor. I am not toying with the Court. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5901 And you're sure your eyewitness testimony is not affected because you lack a brain? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5902 Your Honor, I just can’t work with this, my imagination is lacking 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5903 and how big was the angry dog? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5904 ¿When where the last time you saw Mr. Potato? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5905 Your honor, I request that we throw this case out. The witness is clearly a teddy bear. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
5906 Objection, she's badgering the witness. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
5907 Forget the 'well regulated', forget the 'necessary to the security', I think we can all agree he has a Constitutional right to bear arms. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
5908 All it does is say, “Let me be your Teddy Bear” 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
5909 Your Honor, while the witness is in the toity, I request the right to snuggle with his Teddy Bear. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
5910 If it please the court, your honor, we now consider Mr. Trump's teddy bear a hostile witness. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
5911 Your honor, I move to dismiss this case on the basis that being hugged too tightly is not a crime. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
5912 He's cold. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
5913 He is refusing to give his testimony, your honor. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
5914 Your Honor, please instruct the witness to raise only his right hand" 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
5915 What happened after the officer said, Teddy Bear Teddy Bear, turn around? 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
5916 Ok, ok you cant stray silent for every. If you don't start talking right now the bailiff is going to take you back to your cell ..ALONE 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
5917 Your honor, may the record reflect my client only wished to cuddle Mr. Bear, and in no way led him on as he so claims. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5918 Your honor I would like to excuse the witness and exude myself for putting him there. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5919 Your Honor, the witness refuses to answer and I request permission to treat the witness as hostile. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5920 So which was it Teddy, if that's your real name, were you on the bed or in the toy box at the time of the kidnapping? 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5921 Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile and pull his string. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5922 Isn't it true, sir, that in exchange for your testimony today, the District Attorney has offered to reduce the charges against you to third degree sexual battery and possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute? 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5923 What a historic moment! RBG and Teddy Roosevelt both let their hair down in court! 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5924 Your Honor, this witness can bearly control himself, after the ordeal he was put through by Nelson family. I have no more questions! 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5925 Objection! The prosecution is clearly trying to cuddle the witness. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
5926 Your Honor, the defendant Ted would like to call Mark Wahlberg as a character witness! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
5927 He doesn't need a Second Amendment lawyer. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
5928 I would like permission to treat Mr. Fuzzy as a hostile witness 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
5929 SO, your alibi is that you were down in the woods at a picnic and having a wonderful time. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
5930 And isn't it true that his violence has rendered you speechless? 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
5931 Bear with me, your Honor, and I’ll explain. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
5932 My client clearly stated that, if he lost the elections, he would take it to the Court" 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
5933 Lawyer: "I want the truth!" Witness: "You can't handle the truth!!" 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
5934 My attorney told me the second amendment is the right to arm bears 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
5935 Your honour...my client has a right to bear arms. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5936 Will the electric chair fit him, at least? 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5937 I see a lot of fluff in your account of Tuesday night. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5938 Mr. Bear, grand larceny is a very serious offense. Please answer the question: do you own, or have you ever worn, a green hat and neck tie?! 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5939 Your Honor, for the umpteenth time, bear in mind... 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5940 Mr Bear, You have the right to remain silent. 1.0909 0.05458 44 41 2 1
5941 I can't bear to question this man 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5942 He's a hostile witness, but also cuddly-wuddly. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5943 Your honor, I think it’s time to draw this custody hearing to a close. 1.0909 0.05458 44 41 2 1
5944 MY WITNESS NEEDS A HUG 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5945 We’re trying this new thing with court-appointed emotional support animals. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5946 Mr. Fuzzy, is it true that you give free hugs to everyone, indiscriminately? 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
5947 Your honor, the defendant's name is pronounced comma-luh. 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
5948 Your honor, I'm feeling the need to hug this hostile witness. 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
5949 It says right in the constitution- the right to bear arms. So no, even though the defendant and I shared a bed, I think it was very appropriate to dispose of him when he moved onto another animal. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
5950 Your honor, may I have permission to treat this teddy bear as a hostile witness? 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5951 So you didn’t know she was a minor when you slept together? 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5952 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Binky the Bear has repeatedly refused to respond. I'll let you draw your own conclusions from that. No further questions Your Honor. 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5953 If you’ll bear with me for just a moment, your honor....... 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5954 Wipe that smug look off your face and answer the question! 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5955 Bear in mind you're under oath' Were you or were you not held inappropriately?? 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5956 I would ask that the court instruct the jury to ignore the f 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5957 Listen Theodore, you're getting the electric chair , no hugs for turning this nation into a bunch of wimps and whiners. 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5958 No Don. Your bear cannot testify on your behalf. Please get back on the chair. 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
5959 Don't try and be so cute, answer the question 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
5960 Snd when was the last time you saw Bear Grlls? 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0