These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.
Name | Value |
---|---|
Submission deadline | 2020-11-08T19:47:00.000Z |
Voting started | - |
Voting ended | 2020-11-22T19:49:00.000Z |
Finalists announced | 2020-11-16T19:48:00.000Z |
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued | November 23, 2020 |
Number of captions | 5961 |
Number of responses | 945258 |
Number of participants | - |
In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.
Rank | Caption | Mean | Precision | Total votes | "Unfunny" votes | "Somewhat funny" votes | "Funny" votes |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0 | It's true, your honor. I slept with the witness. | 2.3111 | 0.00616 | 15673 | 2991 | 4820 | 7863 |
1 | And at what point did they threaten to beat the stuffing out of you? | 2.1048 | 0.01268 | 3560 | 851 | 1485 | 1224 |
2 | Isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that you were in bed with my client on the night in question? | 2.0760 | 0.00792 | 9579 | 2540 | 3771 | 3268 |
3 | The defense can't rest without this witness. | 2.0560 | 0.00758 | 11509 | 3508 | 3852 | 4149 |
4 | The witness admits having slept with the defendant. | 2.0437 | 0.00670 | 13324 | 3716 | 5314 | 4294 |
5 | Your Honor, I’d like to hold this witness for further questioning. | 1.9585 | 0.01592 | 2364 | 759 | 944 | 661 |
6 | Where were you between the hours of beddy-bye and nighty-night? | 1.9526 | 0.00822 | 9993 | 3635 | 3204 | 3154 |
7 | Wasn’t your left eye sewn back on AFTER you identified my client?! | 1.9468 | 0.00815 | 9975 | 3592 | 3326 | 3057 |
8 | Your Honor. Although the dog insists that he just wants to play, my client would still like a restraining order. | 1.9333 | 0.01375 | 3463 | 1257 | 1180 | 1026 |
9 | I’ll rephrase the question. “fuzzy wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he?”. | 1.9308 | 0.00931 | 7706 | 2871 | 2502 | 2333 |
10 | This is the most credible witness we could find at the White House. | 1.9237 | 0.00947 | 8372 | 3486 | 2040 | 2846 |
11 | We demand blanket immunity | 1.9235 | 0.00928 | 7468 | 2726 | 2595 | 2147 |
12 | Is the person who put you in the washer and dryer in this courtroom? | 1.9227 | 0.00878 | 8386 | 3067 | 2903 | 2416 |
13 | I must recuse myself, your Honor. I sleep with the defendant. | 1.9203 | 0.00753 | 10980 | 3911 | 4040 | 3029 |
14 | Well, your honor, if he isn't qualified to bear witness, who is? | 1.9151 | 0.01556 | 2661 | 979 | 929 | 753 |
15 | He’s been in and out of thrift stores since age 10. | 1.9020 | 0.00818 | 10021 | 3908 | 3192 | 2921 |
16 | Three years of being dragged down the stairs by my ear. I snapped. | 1.8477 | 0.00982 | 6873 | 2887 | 2148 | 1838 |
17 | “Your honor, please instruct the witness that he can’t answer every question with ‘I love you this much.’ ” | 1.8253 | 0.01188 | 4391 | 1815 | 1530 | 1046 |
18 | He's undeniably an accessory to kid napping. | 1.8236 | 0.01080 | 5639 | 2445 | 1746 | 1448 |
19 | Let the record show the witness' lips are sealed. | 1.8131 | 0.01179 | 4269 | 1763 | 1550 | 956 |
20 | He still maintains, Your Honor, that the hugging was not consensual. | 1.7976 | 0.01073 | 5357 | 2322 | 1804 | 1231 |
21 | What he does in the woods is not on trial! | 1.7835 | 0.01122 | 5243 | 2433 | 1517 | 1293 |
22 | Teddy? Pooh? Boo-Boo? Exactly how many aliases do you have, sir? | 1.7833 | 0.01133 | 4628 | 1985 | 1661 | 982 |
23 | No need to break for lunch, Your Honor, my client is stuffed. | 1.7759 | 0.01087 | 5256 | 2354 | 1726 | 1176 |
24 | Oh, c'mon, Your Honor, how could this possibly not please the court? | 1.7701 | 0.01200 | 4184 | 1851 | 1444 | 889 |
25 | The witness is toying with us, your honor." | 1.7625 | 0.01308 | 3381 | 1474 | 1236 | 671 |
26 | It was as close to an adult as we could find in the White House. | 1.7598 | 0.01289 | 4067 | 1984 | 1078 | 1005 |
27 | Your Honor, my client needs a hug. | 1.7456 | 0.01304 | 3526 | 1619 | 1185 | 722 |
28 | Your Honor, the defendant has every right to bear arms. | 1.7453 | 0.01497 | 2886 | 1394 | 833 | 659 |
29 | I don’t know whether to hold you in contempt or just hold you. | 1.7395 | 0.01230 | 3754 | 1688 | 1358 | 708 |
30 | And you believe that Build-A-Bear’s negligence, which resulted in your inability to lower your arms, is what caused you to lose the Kung Fu Panda role? | 1.7373 | 0.01456 | 3144 | 1569 | 832 | 743 |
31 | Is the the person who abandoned you when she left for college seated in this courtroom? | 1.7373 | 0.01445 | 2710 | 1219 | 985 | 506 |
32 | Objection, your honor, the witness’s memory is fuzzy. | 1.7366 | 0.01386 | 3071 | 1424 | 1035 | 612 |
33 | My client has an airtight alibi. At the time of the crime, he hadn't even been manufactured. | 1.7317 | 0.01167 | 4815 | 2401 | 1306 | 1108 |
34 | Do you deny you were found in bed, with the accused, on the day of the incident? | 1.7201 | 0.01117 | 4338 | 1955 | 1644 | 739 |
35 | I asked for the defendant to bear witness... not for a bear witness | 1.7197 | 0.01201 | 4252 | 2067 | 1310 | 875 |
36 | Please show us on the lady where he touched you | 1.7179 | 0.01485 | 3056 | 1582 | 754 | 720 |
37 | Sir , please just answer the question , Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy was he ? | 1.7161 | 0.01158 | 4582 | 2245 | 1394 | 943 |
38 | Let the record show that the witness stated his chair is "just right" | 1.7135 | 0.01276 | 3529 | 1667 | 1207 | 655 |
39 | Let the record show that the witness answered “So Big”. | 1.7090 | 0.01199 | 4131 | 2002 | 1329 | 800 |
40 | Your honor, I believe the witness meant “colluding,” not “cuddling.” | 1.7089 | 0.01399 | 3040 | 1476 | 973 | 591 |
41 | I hope you’re not expecting blanket immunity. | 1.7071 | 0.01237 | 3837 | 1853 | 1255 | 729 |
42 | You expect us to believe you were at home in bed the night of the murder? | 1.7034 | 0.01132 | 4568 | 2216 | 1491 | 861 |
43 | Your honor, it's going to take 2 AAs to get him to talk | 1.6991 | 0.01451 | 2812 | 1390 | 881 | 541 |
44 | He says he’s a little fuzzy on the details. | 1.6965 | 0.01155 | 4148 | 1968 | 1471 | 709 |
45 | On the night of the murder, isn’t it true that you slept with the defendant? | 1.6962 | 0.01182 | 3960 | 1887 | 1392 | 681 |
46 | No, your Honor, this witness IS Mr Trump’s constitutional expert. | 1.6908 | 0.01560 | 2723 | 1461 | 646 | 616 |
47 | Your Honor, my client insists on his Second Amendment right to bear arms. | 1.6904 | 0.01270 | 3811 | 1949 | 1095 | 767 |
48 | Your honor, my client only speaks when mom and dad leave the room. | 1.6895 | 0.01486 | 2612 | 1284 | 855 | 473 |
49 | I have to recuse myself. I slept with this witness for 10 years | 1.6797 | 0.01367 | 2975 | 1463 | 1005 | 507 |
50 | And you lured her, knowing all along that the porridge was "just right," didn't you? | 1.6786 | 0.01900 | 1509 | 731 | 532 | 246 |
51 | Admit it, you were in her bed that night. | 1.6761 | 0.01290 | 3353 | 1661 | 1120 | 572 |
52 | Your honor, permission to snuggle with the witness? | 1.6739 | 0.01518 | 2573 | 1319 | 774 | 480 |
53 | Where were you on the nighty-night of the 31st? | 1.6707 | 0.01518 | 2490 | 1262 | 787 | 441 |
54 | ... and then I heard her say 'chew toy' and that's the last thing I remember. | 1.6677 | 0.01855 | 1667 | 847 | 527 | 293 |
55 | Ted talks | 1.6665 | 0.01660 | 2210 | 1164 | 619 | 427 |
56 | In his defense, Your Honor, she ate all of his porridge. | 1.6644 | 0.01710 | 1940 | 985 | 621 | 334 |
57 | Your honor, the defendant was hired as a companion not an escort | 1.6608 | 0.01894 | 1530 | 767 | 515 | 248 |
58 | You have the right to remain silent | 1.6561 | 0.01552 | 2329 | 1199 | 735 | 395 |
59 | So...you DO admit having slept with the defendant! | 1.6534 | 0.01408 | 2830 | 1454 | 903 | 473 |
60 | He’s usually under cover. | 1.6531 | 0.01651 | 2070 | 1067 | 654 | 349 |
61 | Mr. Snuggles, did you, or did you not, conspire with the monster under the bed to frighten the defendant? | 1.6516 | 0.01656 | 2052 | 1059 | 649 | 344 |
62 | And your testifying that all two thousand of the hugs you received were non-consensual? | 1.6493 | 0.01459 | 2780 | 1481 | 793 | 506 |
63 | Your Honor, the defendant hugged my client without their permission on multiple occasions. | 1.6477 | 0.01673 | 2231 | 1228 | 561 | 442 |
64 | His silence is making a mockery of this trial yiur honor. | 1.6370 | 0.01807 | 1992 | 1140 | 435 | 417 |
65 | Your honor, please let the record show that the defendant prefers to be referred to as Theodore. | 1.6281 | 0.01590 | 2127 | 1114 | 690 | 323 |
66 | Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to raise just his right hand? | 1.6277 | 0.01646 | 2095 | 1137 | 604 | 354 |
67 | Your honor, the witness is being unresponsive and cuddly. | 1.6262 | 0.01834 | 1731 | 948 | 482 | 301 |
68 | Counsel will cease asking the bear witness to bear witness. | 1.6233 | 0.01678 | 1954 | 1049 | 594 | 311 |
69 | Your honor, my client’s memory is admittedly a little fuzzy ... | 1.6192 | 0.01700 | 1791 | 934 | 605 | 252 |
70 | Permission to cross-snuggle the witness, your honor. | 1.6145 | 0.01962 | 1655 | 969 | 355 | 331 |
71 | I said raise your RIGHT hand and repeat after me... | 1.6139 | 0.01962 | 1580 | 903 | 384 | 293 |
72 | Let the record show that the witness loves the defendant ‘This much.’ | 1.6133 | 0.01841 | 1554 | 828 | 500 | 226 |
73 | So you're telling me under oath that the name Christopher Robin is still unfamiliar to you? | 1.6107 | 0.02440 | 881 | 469 | 286 | 126 |
74 | And yet you were the last person to see Blankie that night, weren’t you? | 1.6107 | 0.01944 | 1446 | 786 | 437 | 223 |
75 | Did the defendant really say he was going to knock the stuffing out of you? | 1.6101 | 0.01841 | 1590 | 859 | 492 | 239 |
76 | and then he yelled, Hands where i can see them... | 1.6088 | 0.02000 | 1508 | 865 | 368 | 275 |
77 | The witness suggests you could use a hug. | 1.6087 | 0.02058 | 1495 | 880 | 320 | 295 |
78 | Being dragged around by the arm has caused my client pain, suffering and great loss of dignity. | 1.6073 | 0.01912 | 1416 | 756 | 461 | 199 |
79 | Your honor, my client thought he was charged with snuggling. | 1.6032 | 0.02033 | 1356 | 758 | 379 | 219 |
80 | Let the record show that the defendant needs a hug. | 1.6032 | 0.02018 | 1424 | 807 | 375 | 242 |
81 | what is your preferred pronoun? | 1.6028 | 0.02627 | 798 | 441 | 233 | 124 |
82 | Just your right hand will do. | 1.6012 | 0.03195 | 514 | 278 | 163 | 73 |
83 | Motion to cuddle the witness is denied. | 1.6000 | 0.02095 | 1340 | 769 | 338 | 233 |
84 | Can you point to the person who knocked the stuffing out of you? | 1.5996 | 0.01984 | 1366 | 750 | 413 | 203 |
85 | He said if I wanna cross examine him I Have to hug him first | 1.5979 | 0.02197 | 1338 | 809 | 258 | 271 |
86 | So you admit you were sleeping with the defendant. | 1.5963 | 0.01973 | 1298 | 698 | 427 | 173 |
87 | “He’s not telling us all he knows. Permission to pull his string again, Your Honor.” | 1.5957 | 0.02025 | 1291 | 708 | 397 | 186 |
88 | "Permission to approach the bench for cuddles, your honor?" | 1.5947 | 0.02216 | 1310 | 794 | 253 | 263 |
89 | Your honor, the defendant will invoke his right to remain silent. | 1.5938 | 0.02070 | 1248 | 690 | 375 | 183 |
90 | Do you need a hug? | 1.5938 | 0.02224 | 1312 | 800 | 245 | 267 |
91 | But, Your Honor, he is a material witness. | 1.5923 | 0.02096 | 1214 | 672 | 365 | 177 |
92 | Your honor, he's qualified to testify as an expert because he's smarter than the average bear. | 1.5911 | 0.02127 | 1186 | 662 | 348 | 176 |
93 | Do you deny sleeping with the defendant? | 1.5893 | 0.02094 | 1181 | 650 | 367 | 164 |
94 | Your Honor, "Pooh" is NOT an expletive! | 1.5870 | 0.02189 | 1109 | 618 | 331 | 160 |
95 | He wants to know if you'd be open to a hug. | 1.5839 | 0.02375 | 1127 | 690 | 216 | 221 |
96 | And this is the extent to which you have been able to raise your hands since the sewing, correct? | 1.5837 | 0.02186 | 1069 | 588 | 338 | 143 |
97 | I ask you again, did you or did you not sleep with the accused? | 1.5824 | 0.02228 | 1056 | 589 | 319 | 148 |
98 | No, I do NOT need a hug. Just answer the question. | 1.5816 | 0.02191 | 1109 | 624 | 325 | 160 |
99 | Please refer to the witness as Theodore. | 1.5801 | 0.02183 | 1086 | 607 | 329 | 150 |
100 | I apologize, your honor, Mr. Giuliani told me the witness would be credible. | 1.5801 | 0.02400 | 1024 | 607 | 240 | 177 |
101 | Just answer the question- did you sleep with her? | 1.5772 | 0.02283 | 1036 | 591 | 292 | 153 |
102 | So at no time you were ever told you would be a chew toy? | 1.5758 | 0.02374 | 950 | 541 | 271 | 138 |
103 | Where you cuddling or were you not? | 1.5746 | 0.02510 | 999 | 617 | 190 | 192 |
104 | Your Honor, I intend to prove that the defendent is smarter than the average bear. | 1.5730 | 0.02269 | 972 | 539 | 309 | 124 |
105 | That's not what the court means when it says bear witness. | 1.5708 | 0.02383 | 946 | 544 | 264 | 138 |
106 | So Ted, how long have you been sleeping with children? | 1.5699 | 0.03119 | 544 | 311 | 156 | 77 |
107 | Yeah. I was there for her every stinking night, and then suddenly, 12 years later, she says, she doesn't need me any more. | 1.5642 | 0.02510 | 872 | 512 | 228 | 132 |
108 | She was *THIS" big, had yellow ponytails and ate all my food! | 1.5638 | 0.02423 | 878 | 501 | 259 | 118 |
109 | Permission to treat this very bad bear as a cuddly witness, your honor. | 1.5617 | 0.02777 | 826 | 523 | 142 | 161 |
110 | Permission to snuggle with the witness. | 1.5617 | 0.02741 | 851 | 540 | 144 | 167 |
111 | Your honor, I move to squeeze and snuggle the witness. | 1.5580 | 0.02843 | 810 | 523 | 122 | 165 |
112 | Your honor, Teddy is telling me we should hug and make up. | 1.5580 | 0.02777 | 828 | 528 | 138 | 162 |
113 | And tell us Theodore... do you see the child, who heartlessly abandoned you for a superhero action figure, seated in this courtroom? | 1.5575 | 0.02512 | 818 | 472 | 236 | 110 |
114 | So it's fair to say you didn't actually make all the boo-boos better, isn't it? | 1.5570 | 0.02633 | 684 | 383 | 222 | 79 |
115 | It was either him or the imaginary friend, your Honor, and quite frankly we still can’t locate her. | 1.5567 | 0.02601 | 794 | 467 | 212 | 115 |
116 | 'and my client says the plaintiff squeezed him, hugged him, and then she took him to bed without his consent' | 1.5565 | 0.02501 | 805 | 460 | 242 | 103 |
117 | And why did you think the porridge was left out for you? | 1.5561 | 0.02507 | 793 | 454 | 238 | 101 |
118 | So, who threatened to knock the stuffing out of you? | 1.5558 | 0.02567 | 770 | 442 | 228 | 100 |
119 | Strangulation by hugging is a serious offense. | 1.5544 | 0.02906 | 772 | 500 | 116 | 156 |
120 | One more outburst of 'awww' and I will clear this courtroom. | 1.5543 | 0.02668 | 727 | 422 | 207 | 98 |
121 | Your honor, I move for dismissal on the grounds the defendant needs a hug. | 1.5538 | 0.02915 | 771 | 501 | 113 | 157 |
122 | We request a recess. Followed by a snack and a nap. | 1.5533 | 0.02578 | 750 | 429 | 227 | 94 |
123 | Motion granted. Counsel may hug the witness. | 1.5507 | 0.02823 | 750 | 468 | 151 | 131 |
124 | And you’re known on the street as “Snuggles,” isn’t that right? | 1.5495 | 0.02697 | 717 | 421 | 198 | 98 |
125 | Mr. Snuggums, is it true you slept with the defendant on numerous occasions? | 1.5493 | 0.02523 | 750 | 424 | 240 | 86 |
126 | At what point did your client replace Mr Giuliani with you sir? | 1.5491 | 0.02724 | 743 | 450 | 179 | 114 |
127 | I am now calling to the stand Mr. Trump’s witness, who will testify that he observed widespread voting fraud | 1.5477 | 0.02837 | 723 | 450 | 151 | 122 |
128 | I think you misunderstood when I said ‘bear witness.’ | 1.5474 | 0.02660 | 738 | 435 | 202 | 101 |
129 | So, "Teddy", if that is your real name... | 1.5461 | 0.02672 | 716 | 419 | 203 | 94 |
130 | Permission to treat this witness as textile, your honor? | 1.5455 | 0.02740 | 715 | 428 | 184 | 103 |
131 | My client asks that the hungry black Doberman be struck from the jury | 1.5452 | 0.02774 | 664 | 389 | 188 | 87 |
132 | Really, your defense is that you were hibernating? | 1.5443 | 0.02848 | 610 | 353 | 182 | 75 |
133 | Can you prove you were in bed with the defendant at the time of the crime? | 1.5424 | 0.02626 | 695 | 398 | 217 | 80 |
134 | ...and I hereby rule that any caption competition entry that uses the phrase "bear witness" shall be declared inadmissible. | 1.5410 | 0.02908 | 634 | 382 | 161 | 91 |
135 | She picked me up and carried me to her bed. How would YOU have interpreted that? | 1.5393 | 0.02832 | 649 | 387 | 174 | 88 |
136 | The witness has received blanket immunity. We expect him to talk. | 1.5364 | 0.02702 | 632 | 365 | 197 | 70 |
137 | Your objection that the witness has no backbone is sustained. | 1.5364 | 0.02730 | 632 | 363 | 199 | 70 |
138 | I grew up with Winnie the Poo, I have worked with Winnie the Poo, I know Winnie the Poo. Your Honor, this witness is NOT Winnie the Poo. | 1.5362 | 0.02876 | 621 | 370 | 169 | 82 |
139 | Yes, your honor, this is our only witness to election fraud. | 1.5361 | 0.03001 | 623 | 386 | 140 | 97 |
140 | My client had both hands up the whole time and they still shot him. | 1.5343 | 0.02848 | 597 | 363 | 155 | 79 |
141 | Your honor, this was the only witness that Giuliani provided. | 1.5327 | 0.03214 | 535 | 331 | 123 | 81 |
142 | Your Honor, I contend that Fuzzy Wuzzy was not fuzzy, was he? | 1.5299 | 0.02860 | 602 | 356 | 173 | 73 |
143 | My client is protected under the 2nd amendment: The right to bear arms. | 1.5297 | 0.02971 | 589 | 359 | 149 | 81 |
144 | Can you estimate how many hours you worked as an " emotional support bear" for the defendant without receiving compensation?" | 1.5288 | 0.03149 | 520 | 314 | 137 | 69 |
145 | Permission to anthropomorphize the witness, Your Honor. | 1.5264 | 0.03028 | 530 | 316 | 150 | 64 |
146 | Kangaroo court is next door. | 1.5259 | 0.03487 | 405 | 241 | 115 | 49 |
147 | Can you tell the court who put the kilo of cocaine in your stomach? | 1.5253 | 0.03035 | 554 | 335 | 147 | 72 |
148 | Wouldn’t you agree that “The” is a very unusual middle name Mr. Pooh? | 1.5251 | 0.02954 | 558 | 331 | 161 | 66 |
149 | Wasn't that the very day the teddy bears had their picnic? | 1.5242 | 0.02982 | 559 | 335 | 155 | 69 |
150 | You stated that the assailant was fuzzy. Yet my client, Fuzzy Wuzzy, wasn't fuzzy, was he? | 1.5241 | 0.03149 | 540 | 334 | 129 | 77 |
151 | Can you confirm that he threatened to knock the stuffing out of you? | 1.5228 | 0.03355 | 394 | 226 | 130 | 38 |
152 | And you expect the jury to believe you were sitting on a shelf with a sock monkey for the entire evening in question? | 1.5228 | 0.02911 | 549 | 321 | 169 | 59 |
153 | He said he would knock the stuffing out of me. | 1.5226 | 0.03058 | 530 | 318 | 147 | 65 |
154 | Your honor, let the record reflect that the witness is being non-responsive. | 1.5223 | 0.03001 | 538 | 320 | 155 | 63 |
155 | Your honor, I've called my next witness who can verify the suspect's whereabouts between the hours of beddy-bye and nighty-night time. | 1.5221 | 0.03485 | 429 | 263 | 108 | 58 |
156 | .....And can you point out for the jury, the the little girl that violated your bed, and your chair, and your porridge? | 1.5221 | 0.03041 | 542 | 332 | 139 | 71 |
157 | Your Honor, I believe the defense is toying with you. | 1.5220 | 0.02900 | 546 | 318 | 171 | 57 |
158 | Objection, non-responsive | 1.5213 | 0.02974 | 539 | 319 | 159 | 61 |
159 | Your honor, permission to cuddle the witness? | 1.5198 | 0.02980 | 529 | 312 | 159 | 58 |
160 | Your Honor, I'm going to have to pull some strings to get him to talk. | 1.5193 | 0.03002 | 518 | 305 | 157 | 56 |
161 | Your honor, my client wishes to exercise his right to remain silent. | 1.5186 | 0.03057 | 511 | 304 | 149 | 58 |
162 | Permission to treat the witness as cute and cuddly, your honor. | 1.5182 | 0.02993 | 523 | 309 | 157 | 57 |
163 | Can you be more specific than just saying that the defendant 'knocked the stuffing' out of you? | 1.5150 | 0.02993 | 499 | 291 | 159 | 49 |
164 | What pronoun do you prefer? | 1.5143 | 0.03210 | 488 | 301 | 124 | 63 |
165 | Mr. Trump, please get off the floor and back in the witness chair. Nobody's being mean to you | 1.5136 | 0.03296 | 514 | 329 | 106 | 79 |
166 | Is this really the only witness they could get to prove that the election was fraudulent? | 1.5124 | 0.03313 | 482 | 302 | 113 | 67 |
167 | He refuses to answer on the grounds that his lips are sewn together. | 1.5123 | 0.03240 | 486 | 300 | 123 | 63 |
168 | I'm sorry your honor. He only responds to Theodore. | 1.5116 | 0.03194 | 432 | 252 | 139 | 41 |
169 | It’s time to put this case to bed. | 1.5116 | 0.03261 | 432 | 256 | 131 | 45 |
170 | Look around the courtroom and tell us if you see Goldilocks,the girl you say ate your porridge,broke your chair,and slept in your bed. | 1.5110 | 0.03103 | 501 | 303 | 140 | 58 |
171 | Do you deny hiding under the bed while Abigail cried and thought you were lost? | 1.5102 | 0.03097 | 488 | 292 | 143 | 53 |
172 | The defendant has taken the stand to say he is sorry and really needs a hug. | 1.5102 | 0.03184 | 492 | 302 | 129 | 61 |
173 | So then fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? | 1.5085 | 0.03216 | 472 | 288 | 128 | 56 |
174 | Now point out the girl that ate your porridge and broke your chair. | 1.5084 | 0.03040 | 476 | 284 | 144 | 48 |
175 | And your testimony is that you spent the entire night with the defendant. | 1.5084 | 0.03172 | 478 | 290 | 133 | 55 |
176 | So Mr. Poo, you claim to have no knowledge of a honey laundering operation? | 1.5082 | 0.03576 | 364 | 218 | 107 | 39 |
177 | Mr. Trump says you voted 700 times in Pennsylvania. Is this true? | 1.5071 | 0.03560 | 420 | 266 | 95 | 59 |
178 | The defense naps, your honor. | 1.5056 | 0.03135 | 445 | 269 | 130 | 46 |
179 | So, you're saying it was no picnic, is that right? | 1.5049 | 0.03365 | 408 | 245 | 120 | 43 |
180 | So it’s your contention that when you told the plaintiff to get stuffed, you meant it as a compliment? | 1.5039 | 0.03484 | 389 | 236 | 110 | 43 |
181 | Your Honor, the neighbor's dog ate his sister, so I would ask you consider that in your ruling. | 1.5023 | 0.03196 | 438 | 261 | 134 | 43 |
182 | You “have the right to bear arms”? Is this a joke to you, Mr. Teddy? | 1.5022 | 0.03363 | 450 | 282 | 110 | 58 |
183 | He's just a material witness your Honor. | 1.5022 | 0.03270 | 452 | 280 | 118 | 54 |
184 | Your Honor, if the witness refuses to answer the question, I would ask that the court instruct the bailiff to pull the little string on his back. | 1.5011 | 0.03191 | 439 | 262 | 134 | 43 |
185 | The defendant exercised both the Fifth Amendment and his right to bear arms. | 1.5011 | 0.03381 | 439 | 274 | 110 | 55 |
186 | Show us on the bear where the president touched you. . | 1.4988 | 0.03557 | 429 | 285 | 77 | 67 |
187 | Permission to treat Eric Trump as hostile, your honor? | 1.4988 | 0.03533 | 429 | 276 | 92 | 61 |
188 | So it’s your testimony that for every bear that ever there was, that you, alone, were not at the picnic? | 1.4976 | 0.03425 | 418 | 260 | 108 | 50 |
189 | Don't play cute with me | 1.4970 | 0.03764 | 328 | 200 | 93 | 35 |
190 | Sir, for the record, is your legal first name Theodore? | 1.4965 | 0.03238 | 427 | 257 | 128 | 42 |
191 | Your honor,my client prefers Theodore. | 1.4965 | 0.03300 | 425 | 259 | 121 | 45 |
192 | The defendant claims to have been in bed at the time." | 1.4964 | 0.03209 | 413 | 244 | 133 | 36 |
193 | Permission to pull the defendant’s string, your honor. | 1.4953 | 0.03168 | 424 | 251 | 136 | 37 |
194 | Did you get a good look at their face before they threw you in the washer? | 1.4926 | 0.03382 | 408 | 251 | 113 | 44 |
195 | My client would like to request that the court goes into hibernation. | 1.4926 | 0.03343 | 404 | 248 | 114 | 42 |
196 | First a packed court, now a stuffed witness? | 1.4912 | 0.03529 | 399 | 252 | 98 | 49 |
197 | I rule that the testimony of the witness is not too long and not too short, but just right. | 1.4911 | 0.03273 | 395 | 235 | 126 | 34 |
198 | Oh, don't look so innocent! | 1.4909 | 0.03501 | 385 | 241 | 100 | 44 |
199 | and the employe from build a bear touched you where? | 1.4899 | 0.03512 | 396 | 249 | 100 | 47 |
200 | And were these hugs welcome? | 1.4896 | 0.03339 | 384 | 230 | 120 | 34 |
201 | Your honor, the witness was working undercovers. | 1.4896 | 0.03359 | 384 | 231 | 118 | 35 |
202 | It looks like we will need three sizes of witness chairs to proceed with this trial. | 1.4887 | 0.03438 | 399 | 248 | 107 | 44 |
203 | Your Honor, my client made it very clear that if anyone went down to the woods on the day in question, they’d be in for a big surprise. | 1.4881 | 0.03532 | 379 | 236 | 101 | 42 |
204 | Judge, will you please instruct the witness that "being a bear of very little brain" is not a valid alibi. | 1.4872 | 0.03420 | 390 | 240 | 110 | 40 |
205 | Can you tell the court how you felt when the defendant left you on the train? | 1.4868 | 0.03525 | 380 | 237 | 101 | 42 |
206 | Your Honor, I think we can both agree that Donald Trump can’t send in a substitute for questioning. | 1.4861 | 0.03541 | 397 | 253 | 95 | 49 |
207 | He’s suing for being pulled out of retirement by his former owner who moved home during the pandemic | 1.4860 | 0.03372 | 393 | 248 | 102 | 43 |
208 | I ask you again, under oath: have you ever shared a bed with a minor? | 1.4849 | 0.03631 | 365 | 230 | 93 | 42 |
209 | Objection sustained. You may not hug the witness. | 1.4842 | 0.03505 | 380 | 237 | 102 | 41 |
210 | Would I be right to assume that this is your first time in Family Court, counselor? | 1.4832 | 0.03641 | 358 | 225 | 93 | 40 |
211 | So you admit you stole the hearts of children everywhere? | 1.4831 | 0.03546 | 356 | 219 | 102 | 35 |
212 | Please just answer the question: Did you or did you not sleep with a minor? | 1.4830 | 0.03562 | 383 | 243 | 95 | 45 |
213 | So when, exactly, did the teddybears have their picnic? | 1.4826 | 0.03593 | 373 | 236 | 94 | 43 |
214 | We've got a fur sample match, so stop playing cute with me. | 1.4821 | 0.03582 | 363 | 227 | 97 | 39 |
215 | And yet we've heard a dozen witnesses who swear you DID go down to the woods that day. | 1.4821 | 0.03645 | 363 | 230 | 91 | 42 |
216 | Your Honor, it seems the witness could use a hug. | 1.4812 | 0.03435 | 372 | 228 | 109 | 35 |
217 | Isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that you've been sleeping with the defendant for years? | 1.4809 | 0.03540 | 366 | 228 | 100 | 38 |
218 | Your Honor, the witness has known the defendant since he was born. | 1.4808 | 0.03489 | 364 | 224 | 105 | 35 |
219 | If the honey was licked, you must convict. | 1.4801 | 0.03746 | 327 | 204 | 89 | 34 |
220 | He claims that the honey in his possession was being held for someone else. | 1.4801 | 0.03506 | 352 | 215 | 105 | 32 |
221 | So when did you first learn that Downy causes cancer? | 1.4800 | 0.03635 | 350 | 219 | 94 | 37 |
222 | I told you it was a material witness. | 1.4797 | 0.03611 | 344 | 213 | 97 | 34 |
223 | Was the cuddling consensual? | 1.4790 | 0.03538 | 357 | 221 | 101 | 35 |
224 | Please describe the unwanted touching and hugging that you had to endure. | 1.4789 | 0.03727 | 355 | 228 | 84 | 43 |
225 | 'the defendant apparently needs it for watching the election results your honour' | 1.4784 | 0.03634 | 347 | 217 | 94 | 36 |
226 | Stonewall all you want, but Piglet and Eeyore already rolled over on you." | 1.4781 | 0.03688 | 343 | 216 | 90 | 37 |
227 | I’m sorry but in this Court, we don’t let Sleepy Bears lie. | 1.4781 | 0.03711 | 343 | 217 | 88 | 38 |
228 | And how long have you been sleeping with the defendant? | 1.4776 | 0.03681 | 335 | 209 | 92 | 34 |
229 | Instruct your witness to stop playing cute or I will clear the courtroom! | 1.4775 | 0.03611 | 356 | 224 | 94 | 38 |
230 | Your Honor, permission to approach the witness and give him a big hug? | 1.4773 | 0.03585 | 352 | 222 | 93 | 37 |
231 | I think it's about time we put this case to bed. | 1.4760 | 0.03902 | 334 | 218 | 73 | 43 |
232 | Do you also deny the Pope is Catholic? | 1.4750 | 0.03957 | 320 | 208 | 72 | 40 |
233 | Permission to treat him as a tactile witness, Your Honor. | 1.4747 | 0.06633 | 99 | 61 | 29 | 9 |
234 | I know this is difficult Teddy, and we are almost finished. Can you tell us if the dog who humped your face is in the courtroom. | 1.4740 | 0.03698 | 346 | 228 | 75 | 43 |
235 | Permission to approach the witness and pull his ring, Your Honor. | 1.4740 | 0.03595 | 346 | 216 | 96 | 34 |
236 | Your honor, that is the second time that he has answered my question with "tickle me." Permission to treat him as a hostile witness. | 1.4732 | 0.03473 | 336 | 208 | 99 | 29 |
237 | Permission to cuddle the witness your honor? | 1.4731 | 0.03611 | 353 | 223 | 93 | 37 |
238 | Your Honor, I move to strike 'cuddly wuddly widdle bear' from the record. | 1.4728 | 0.03595 | 349 | 219 | 95 | 35 |
239 | The witness is well qualified, Your Honor. He is smarter than the average bear. | 1.4722 | 0.03719 | 324 | 203 | 89 | 32 |
240 | Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, does this look like the face of a killer? | 1.4720 | 0.03672 | 339 | 214 | 90 | 35 |
241 | She ate my porridge, broke my chair, and was sleeping in my bed, so yes, I was very angry, but when I last saw her she was very much alive and running away through the woods.” #bearingwitnes | 1.4720 | 0.03742 | 339 | 217 | 84 | 38 |
242 | And can you testify as to how many times Sally’s mother threw you in the washing machine? | 1.4715 | 0.03596 | 333 | 206 | 97 | 30 |
243 | I don't know how they do it where you're from, but in New York there is no right to arm bears. | 1.4711 | 0.03571 | 346 | 216 | 97 | 33 |
244 | And then she ate my food ....broke my chair! And was sleeping in my bed! | 1.4711 | 0.03583 | 346 | 219 | 92 | 35 |
245 | Your Honor, permission to hug the witness? | 1.4709 | 0.03633 | 344 | 217 | 92 | 35 |
246 | I'm sorry Your Honor, he was a lot more talkative in bed last night. | 1.4708 | 0.03685 | 325 | 203 | 91 | 31 |
247 | Please explain to the jury what you were doing in the woods. | 1.4706 | 0.03675 | 323 | 201 | 92 | 30 |
248 | So what did you do when you saw the blond lady in your bed? | 1.4706 | 0.03687 | 340 | 216 | 88 | 36 |
249 | Your honor, we now ask that the defendant try on the blankie. | 1.4701 | 0.03487 | 334 | 203 | 105 | 26 |
250 | Your honor, may we stipulate that the witness is “adorable.” | 1.4697 | 0.03593 | 330 | 204 | 97 | 29 |
251 | Your Honor, the witness is toying with me. | 1.4697 | 0.03695 | 330 | 208 | 89 | 33 |
252 | Yes or no? Are you part of the sleeper cell? | 1.4695 | 0.03664 | 311 | 191 | 94 | 26 |
253 | Did you or did you not shit in the woods? | 1.4689 | 0.03937 | 322 | 211 | 71 | 40 |
254 | So that’s your story? That you were on the pillow the whole night? | 1.4686 | 0.03795 | 318 | 202 | 83 | 33 |
255 | OK! OK! I admit it! I did it! The deal was only for 4 years. He kept squeezing me so tightly and his orange makeup kept rubbing off on me, and then he started taking me to his rallies and he'd make me hide under the podium... it just got to be too much. I couldn't take it anymore! | 1.4681 | 0.03874 | 329 | 215 | 74 | 40 |
256 | My client was held against his will | 1.4680 | 0.03724 | 297 | 182 | 91 | 24 |
257 | This witness doesn’t know pooh. | 1.4678 | 0.03981 | 295 | 189 | 74 | 32 |
258 | And that's when little Donald forged your signature on the non-disclosure agreement? | 1.4677 | 0.03839 | 310 | 197 | 81 | 32 |
259 | The prosecution asks that the witness be considered ‘adorable.’ | 1.4665 | 0.03659 | 328 | 206 | 91 | 31 |
260 | Your Honor, the defense requests a recess-followed by a nap and a snack. | 1.4665 | 0.03735 | 328 | 209 | 85 | 34 |
261 | Can you prove you are an Emotional Support Animal? | 1.4658 | 0.03629 | 322 | 200 | 94 | 28 |
262 | Porridge gone, chair broken, the defendant asleep in your bed - I’ve never heard such a fairy tale. | 1.4654 | 0.03742 | 318 | 201 | 86 | 31 |
263 | Please explain to the court how you came to be a registered voter in the recent election. | 1.4651 | 0.03865 | 301 | 191 | 80 | 30 |
264 | Please tell us the real purpose of the so-called 'picnic' in the woods that day. | 1.4648 | 0.05534 | 142 | 89 | 40 | 13 |
265 | What do you mean “so help me Pooh?” | 1.4643 | 0.03801 | 308 | 195 | 83 | 30 |
266 | You expect the jury to believe you were unloved? | 1.4618 | 0.03466 | 314 | 194 | 97 | 23 |
267 | Your Honor, let the record show that Mr. Wuzzy is not, in fact, fuzzy at all. | 1.4600 | 0.03635 | 300 | 184 | 94 | 22 |
268 | Your Honor, there’s been some confusion about the right to bear arms. | 1.4595 | 0.03881 | 296 | 189 | 78 | 29 |
269 | And you say the defendant "beat the stuffings out of" you? | 1.4585 | 0.03687 | 301 | 187 | 90 | 24 |
270 | That's when he told me "snitches get stitches!" | 1.4585 | 0.03891 | 301 | 194 | 76 | 31 |
271 | Let me emphasize that it was NOT the defendant, but his Mother who locked you in the trunk in the attic. | 1.4582 | 0.03823 | 299 | 190 | 81 | 28 |
272 | He squashed me into a box this wide. Twelve years of darkness. It was unbearable. | 1.4576 | 0.03890 | 295 | 189 | 77 | 29 |
273 | The defense would like to rest, Your Honor. | 1.4576 | 0.03919 | 295 | 190 | 75 | 30 |
274 | Is it true that you falsely advertised yourself as ‘fuzzy wuzzy’ when you, in fact, had no hair? | 1.4575 | 0.03703 | 306 | 192 | 88 | 26 |
275 | Warm and cuddly, yes; but, also dangerous, scheming, and remorseless sociopath. | 1.4567 | 0.03929 | 300 | 195 | 73 | 32 |
276 | Your Honor, this witness is compromised, I saw the defendant hugging him. | 1.4567 | 0.03813 | 300 | 191 | 81 | 28 |
277 | Yes, your honor -- an immediate restraining order against the family dog. | 1.4567 | 0.03813 | 300 | 191 | 81 | 28 |
278 | Is the person you found sleeping in your bed here in the courtroom today? | 1.4567 | 0.03842 | 300 | 192 | 79 | 29 |
279 | Your Honor, the defendant feels the overlarge chair is a deliberate attempt at intimidation. | 1.4567 | 0.03509 | 300 | 181 | 101 | 18 |
280 | Everything about that night was fuzzy. | 1.4561 | 0.03790 | 296 | 187 | 83 | 26 |
281 | Being named after a President does not give you executive privilege. | 1.4556 | 0.04013 | 270 | 172 | 73 | 25 |
282 | My client seeks emancipation from his duties as "Emotional Support Bear" | 1.4555 | 0.03857 | 292 | 186 | 79 | 27 |
283 | Excuse my client, Your Honor. He just got out of a tumble dryer and is extremely shaken. | 1.4552 | 0.03784 | 268 | 164 | 86 | 18 |
284 | Your honor, this false bear witness is clearly bearing false witness. | 1.4552 | 0.03953 | 279 | 178 | 75 | 26 |
285 | And is it not true that you slept with the defendant on numerous occasions? | 1.4545 | 0.03851 | 286 | 181 | 80 | 25 |
286 | Your Honor, my client, pleads, 'self defense'. The defendant has repeatedly used a choke hold for transportation, and kept him lodged between the bed and wall for weeks. | 1.4545 | 0.03840 | 297 | 190 | 79 | 28 |
287 | Are you asking this court to believe you did not go to bed with him that night? | 1.4542 | 0.03822 | 284 | 181 | 78 | 25 |
288 | What is this? A New Yorker cartoon? | 1.4539 | 0.03996 | 293 | 192 | 69 | 32 |
289 | Tell the Court why, on that day of all days, you elected not to attend the picnic? | 1.4539 | 0.03967 | 293 | 191 | 71 | 31 |
290 | ... and that’s when Donald threw me out of the pram your Honor. | 1.4539 | 0.04025 | 293 | 193 | 67 | 33 |
291 | According to the second amendment, this bear's right to arms is clear as day. | 1.4530 | 0.04031 | 298 | 198 | 65 | 35 |
292 | Just the bear facts, your Honour | 1.4530 | 0.04027 | 287 | 188 | 68 | 31 |
293 | Counsel, stop toying with the witness. | 1.4530 | 0.03935 | 287 | 185 | 74 | 28 |
294 | Define consensual | 1.4530 | 0.03997 | 287 | 187 | 70 | 30 |
295 | Your Honor, this witness is just toying with us. | 1.4520 | 0.03766 | 281 | 175 | 85 | 21 |
296 | My client requests a three month hibernation recess. | 1.4520 | 0.03899 | 281 | 179 | 77 | 25 |
297 | Your Honor, I apologize, our key witness is still at recess. | 1.4520 | 0.03947 | 281 | 183 | 70 | 28 |
298 | The witness stated the defendant was not present during nap time.” | 1.4510 | 0.03753 | 286 | 179 | 85 | 22 |
299 | Where were you the nighty night of the murder? | 1.4510 | 0.03944 | 286 | 185 | 73 | 28 |
300 | Apparently, your honor, the defense is resting. | 1.4510 | 0.03850 | 286 | 182 | 79 | 25 |
301 | With all due respect your honor, how much can a teddy bear? | 1.4496 | 0.03928 | 278 | 178 | 75 | 25 |
302 | And once your owner threw you into the washing machine, then what happened? | 1.4491 | 0.03826 | 285 | 181 | 80 | 24 |
303 | Is it your testimony, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy, that Barbie was already nude and decapitated at the time you came to share a bed with her? | 1.4489 | 0.04229 | 274 | 184 | 57 | 33 |
304 | Yes, we have been sleeping together | 1.4489 | 0.03761 | 274 | 170 | 85 | 19 |
305 | Please tell the court about the multiple times he's forgotten you in the grocery store cart. | 1.4484 | 0.03662 | 281 | 173 | 90 | 18 |
306 | Now, you claim to have been in bed on the night in question. | 1.4484 | 0.03798 | 281 | 182 | 74 | 25 |
307 | This bear may look innocent but it was stuffed with nearly 17,000 fraudulent ballots, your honor. | 1.4483 | 0.04180 | 261 | 171 | 63 | 27 |
308 | We are not contesting your right to bear arms.... | 1.4480 | 0.04014 | 279 | 182 | 69 | 28 |
309 | Of course he's prepared to bear witness! | 1.4480 | 0.03884 | 279 | 178 | 77 | 24 |
310 | Please point to the girl you found in your bed | 1.4480 | 0.03783 | 279 | 175 | 83 | 21 |
311 | Did you or did you not attend said picnic? | 1.4477 | 0.03903 | 277 | 177 | 76 | 24 |
312 | Counselor, I’ll allow it. You may hug the witness. | 1.4477 | 0.04035 | 277 | 181 | 68 | 28 |
313 | The woman was blonde and she likes porridge. | 1.4476 | 0.03784 | 286 | 181 | 82 | 23 |
314 | Your honor, I've slept with this witness. | 1.4474 | 0.03946 | 266 | 169 | 75 | 22 |
315 | Your honour, how much can a teddy bear? | 1.4474 | 0.04190 | 266 | 176 | 61 | 29 |
316 | Permission to treat the witness as adorably hostile. | 1.4473 | 0.03821 | 275 | 173 | 81 | 21 |
317 | Don't act so innocent. Please tell the court exactly what happens at this so-called, 'Teddy Bear's Picnic.' | 1.4468 | 0.04077 | 282 | 187 | 64 | 31 |
318 | In your own testimony you admit that he had no hair, so I put it to you now, sir: Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? | 1.4461 | 0.03985 | 269 | 173 | 72 | 24 |
319 | To be fair, his brother did look a lot like the chew toy. | 1.4457 | 0.03826 | 267 | 172 | 73 | 22 |
320 | The jury is instructed to disregard the cuteness of this witness. | 1.4457 | 0.03826 | 267 | 167 | 81 | 19 |
321 | Mr Wuzzy, we can all agree you are a bear, and have no hair. So I ask again, how can you still call yourself Fuzzy | 1.4457 | 0.04041 | 267 | 173 | 69 | 25 |
322 | With your permission, I'd like to pull the string on his back. | 1.4457 | 0.03845 | 276 | 175 | 79 | 22 |
323 | Why does it matter what I do in the woods? | 1.4457 | 0.04077 | 276 | 182 | 65 | 29 |
324 | Objection, your Honor, the President had specifically requested a Kangaroo court. | 1.4457 | 0.04236 | 276 | 187 | 55 | 34 |
325 | Well, to you it may have been a picnic in the woods, but to my client it was a traumatic experience. | 1.4453 | 0.03933 | 274 | 176 | 74 | 24 |
326 | When I said 'Bear Witness', I didn't mean it in the literal sense. | 1.4453 | 0.04164 | 274 | 183 | 60 | 31 |
327 | Mr. Bear, is it your testimony that you spent the whole night in question with the accused?? | 1.4449 | 0.03918 | 272 | 174 | 75 | 23 |
328 | There is no murder weapon Your Honor. We believe the defendant used his bear hands. | 1.4449 | 0.04021 | 272 | 177 | 69 | 26 |
329 | Let the record show, Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. | 1.4444 | 0.03796 | 270 | 169 | 82 | 19 |
330 | If I may, your Honor, pulling the ring on the witness' back will be most informative. | 1.4432 | 0.04108 | 264 | 173 | 65 | 26 |
331 | His memory is a bit fuzzy. | 1.4427 | 0.04086 | 253 | 163 | 68 | 22 |
332 | For the record, Fuzzy Wuzzy, you're saying you did indeed engage in hanky panky with Henny Penny at Piggly Wiggly as alleged? | 1.4423 | 0.04153 | 260 | 171 | 63 | 26 |
333 | And how did you come to realize that someone had been eating your porridge? | 1.4422 | 0.03950 | 251 | 158 | 75 | 18 |
334 | Tell the jury,what did this young female, whom you have described as having “golden locks of hair”, do next? | 1.4419 | 0.03861 | 267 | 169 | 78 | 20 |
335 | Make up your mind. Was it too hot or too cold? | 1.4414 | 0.04126 | 256 | 167 | 65 | 24 |
336 | Your Honor, my client claims that the body cavity search was illegal, and he had no knowledge of the 2 kilos he was carrying. | 1.4409 | 0.04035 | 254 | 163 | 70 | 21 |
337 | Permission to treat the witness as docile? | 1.4409 | 0.04073 | 254 | 164 | 68 | 22 |
338 | Teddy bear or not, a picnic on city property requires a permit. | 1.4406 | 0.04105 | 261 | 171 | 65 | 25 |
339 | And how many stitches did you receive after having the stuffing knocked out of you? | 1.4406 | 0.03921 | 261 | 166 | 75 | 20 |
340 | And just how long have you been sleeping with the defendant? | 1.4402 | 0.04017 | 259 | 167 | 70 | 22 |
341 | So, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy . . .was he? | 1.4402 | 0.04054 | 259 | 168 | 68 | 23 |
342 | Your honor, my client is totally innocent and was asleep upstairs when Goldilocks broke in. | 1.4402 | 0.04235 | 259 | 173 | 58 | 28 |
343 | This might be a sensitive question: “Do you believe the ballot boxes were stuffed?” | 1.4400 | 0.04196 | 250 | 164 | 62 | 24 |
344 | And isn’t it true that my client threatened to, but in fact DID NOT, knock the stuffing out of you. | 1.4387 | 0.03966 | 253 | 161 | 73 | 19 |
345 | In keeping with proper courtroom decorum, please address the witness as 'Mr. Roosevelt'. | 1.4385 | 0.04042 | 260 | 169 | 68 | 23 |
346 | So you were at the teddy bear picnic, with every bear that ever there was.. but yet no witnesses. | 1.4385 | 0.04186 | 260 | 173 | 60 | 27 |
347 | Let’s get this straight. You say you saw a little girl sleeping in your bed? | 1.4380 | 0.04101 | 258 | 169 | 65 | 24 |
348 | Let the record show, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. | 1.4380 | 0.04174 | 258 | 171 | 61 | 26 |
349 | Do you see this "Goldilocks" you found sleeping in your bed in the courtroom today? | 1.4380 | 0.04027 | 258 | 167 | 69 | 22 |
350 | This is your witness to voter fraud? | 1.4378 | 0.04188 | 249 | 166 | 58 | 25 |
351 | Counsel may now call her imaginary friend | 1.4375 | 0.04011 | 256 | 165 | 70 | 21 |
352 | Answer the question! Isn't it true you were sleeping together? | 1.4370 | 0.03954 | 254 | 162 | 73 | 19 |
353 | Your Honor, my client's pre-existing condition should be covered under the provisions of the Affordable Bear Act. | 1.4370 | 0.04258 | 254 | 170 | 57 | 27 |
354 | Counsel, stop asking the witness if he's toying with you. | 1.4365 | 0.04245 | 252 | 168 | 58 | 26 |
355 | Your honor, permission to cuddle with the witness? | 1.4365 | 0.03976 | 252 | 161 | 72 | 19 |
356 | Respectfully,Your Honor,he prefers "Theodore." | 1.4365 | 0.04170 | 252 | 166 | 62 | 24 |
357 | And who were you cuddling with that night, Mr. Bear? | 1.4363 | 0.03863 | 259 | 164 | 77 | 18 |
358 | And so the jury is supposed to believe that at the age of eight, Billy just abandoned you? | 1.4358 | 0.04184 | 257 | 171 | 60 | 26 |
359 | Your Honor, I believe we need to pull the string again. | 1.4355 | 0.04256 | 248 | 165 | 58 | 25 |
360 | But, your honor, the entire jury has slept with this witness. | 1.4355 | 0.04218 | 248 | 164 | 60 | 24 |
361 | As the presidents key witness, ... | 1.4355 | 0.04294 | 248 | 166 | 56 | 26 |
362 | It was the chubby one with the orange face and the comb-over. | 1.4351 | 0.04299 | 262 | 179 | 52 | 31 |
363 | You may now cross-hug the witness. | 1.4350 | 0.04688 | 246 | 175 | 35 | 36 |
364 | Let the record show that the witness loves Billy this much. | 1.4350 | 0.04123 | 246 | 160 | 65 | 21 |
365 | Is that dog in the courtroom now? | 1.4350 | 0.04242 | 246 | 163 | 59 | 24 |
366 | He's just toying with us, your honor | 1.4350 | 0.04123 | 246 | 160 | 65 | 21 |
367 | Can I please hold him in contempt? | 1.4346 | 0.04017 | 237 | 150 | 71 | 16 |
368 | and where do you plan to live, if your emancipation request is granted? | 1.4344 | 0.04064 | 244 | 157 | 68 | 19 |
369 | Well, you can sit there and throw your hands up, Mr. Bear, but it's already been established that you were in the bedroom that night and know everything that went on there. | 1.4343 | 0.04104 | 251 | 164 | 65 | 22 |
370 | I was in the dryer, so how could I have heard anything? | 1.4343 | 0.04025 | 251 | 162 | 69 | 20 |
371 | Request permission to pull the cord in his back. | 1.4343 | 0.04065 | 251 | 163 | 67 | 21 |
372 | But your honor, they put the squeeze on him! | 1.4341 | 0.03910 | 258 | 165 | 74 | 19 |
373 | The witness will not require a lunch break because he’s already stuffed. | 1.4339 | 0.04045 | 242 | 155 | 69 | 18 |
374 | So, you admit to being part of an undercover snuggling operation. | 1.4337 | 0.04166 | 249 | 164 | 62 | 23 |
375 | Your honor, this lone witness to the ballot tampering in the Pennsylvania post office proves voter fraud | 1.4337 | 0.04429 | 249 | 171 | 48 | 30 |
376 | Where were you on the night Timmy couldn't sleep? | 1.4335 | 0.04241 | 233 | 152 | 61 | 20 |
377 | Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what did you see? | 1.4332 | 0.04344 | 247 | 167 | 53 | 27 |
378 | So none of the cuddles were consensual? | 1.4331 | 0.03952 | 254 | 163 | 72 | 19 |
379 | But tufts of your fur were found on the blankie. | 1.4331 | 0.03952 | 254 | 163 | 72 | 19 |
380 | Your Honour, may we stand down? The Witness has just been fired by the Administration. | 1.4328 | 0.04504 | 238 | 163 | 47 | 28 |
381 | And where were you on the night of the Teddy Bears’ Picnic? | 1.4321 | 0.04198 | 243 | 160 | 61 | 22 |
382 | How long have you been sleeping with the plaintiff? | 1.4320 | 0.03914 | 250 | 159 | 74 | 17 |
383 | And then she ate up all of your porridge? | 1.4317 | 0.04181 | 227 | 146 | 64 | 17 |
384 | How much can a Teddy bear!? | 1.4316 | 0.04270 | 234 | 154 | 59 | 21 |
385 | Admit it. You've slept with him, too. | 1.4315 | 0.04098 | 241 | 156 | 66 | 19 |
386 | My client requests a three-month recess. He has to hibernate. | 1.4315 | 0.04181 | 241 | 158 | 62 | 21 |
387 | He'll swear on an an FAO Schwartz catalogue. | 1.4315 | 0.04181 | 241 | 158 | 62 | 21 |
388 | But I didn’t KNOW I was a nanny cam! | 1.4310 | 0.04329 | 239 | 160 | 55 | 24 |
389 | Where were you on the nighty-night of the 23rd? | 1.4303 | 0.04225 | 244 | 162 | 59 | 23 |
390 | She told me that she loved me this much. And then she put me into the trash. | 1.4303 | 0.04140 | 251 | 166 | 62 | 23 |
391 | Hands DOWN! Didn't I tell you that makes you look guilty? | 1.4292 | 0.03890 | 240 | 151 | 75 | 14 |
392 | The witness may approach the bench...for a cuddle. | 1.4286 | 0.04694 | 238 | 169 | 36 | 33 |
393 | We just need you to raise your right hand, sir. | 1.4286 | 0.04174 | 238 | 156 | 62 | 20 |
394 | So how many were there at this 'picnic' ? | 1.4286 | 0.04217 | 238 | 157 | 60 | 21 |
395 | Isn’t it true to say you’ve led a very plush life ? “ | 1.4280 | 0.04112 | 236 | 153 | 65 | 18 |
396 | And are you saying you've never heard of this 'Christopher Robin' until today? | 1.4274 | 0.04046 | 234 | 150 | 68 | 16 |
397 | Your honor, someone is committing perjury - how could it have been too big, too small, AND just right? | 1.4273 | 0.04171 | 220 | 141 | 64 | 15 |
398 | And how did you feel when Mom put you in the wash? | 1.4273 | 0.04318 | 220 | 144 | 58 | 18 |
399 | I’ve slept in so many beds, you’ll have to be more specific. | 1.4267 | 0.04336 | 232 | 155 | 55 | 22 |
400 | You say you left the restaurant early because you were stuffed? | 1.4267 | 0.04160 | 232 | 151 | 63 | 18 |
401 | Were you or were you not, cute and cuddly on the evening of October 8, 2020? | 1.4267 | 0.04342 | 225 | 149 | 56 | 20 |
402 | May I approach the stand and poke the bear, your honor? | 1.4267 | 0.03960 | 225 | 146 | 64 | 15 |
403 | You say you were snuggling with the defendant at the time of the incident? | 1.4262 | 0.04010 | 237 | 152 | 69 | 16 |
404 | I can see your lips moving, Your Honor. | 1.4262 | 0.04311 | 237 | 159 | 55 | 23 |
405 | And just where were you on the nighty-night of June 15th? | 1.4261 | 0.04047 | 230 | 147 | 68 | 15 |
406 | Don't be fooled, your Honor. Our "Teddy Boy" has been stealing Tooth Fairy money for years. | 1.4261 | 0.04319 | 230 | 153 | 56 | 21 |
407 | Bear: "Do you really think I stuffed MYSELF with cocaine?" | 1.4255 | 0.04337 | 235 | 158 | 54 | 23 |
408 | Your Honor, I would like to call the Velvetine Rabbit as a character witness. | 1.4255 | 0.04210 | 235 | 155 | 60 | 20 |
409 | The nanny cam footage shows you stealing the quarter left by the Tooth Fairy. Do you deny it? | 1.4255 | 0.04337 | 235 | 158 | 54 | 23 |
410 | Sir, you really want us to believe that you don't remember anything from December to March? Were you living in a cave? | 1.4254 | 0.04345 | 228 | 152 | 55 | 21 |
411 | Please keep your testimony to the bear facts. | 1.4253 | 0.04397 | 221 | 147 | 54 | 20 |
412 | Your Honor, let the record reflect I said “witness pampering. | 1.4247 | 0.04232 | 219 | 142 | 61 | 16 |
413 | Well, at least this isn’t a kangaroo court. | 1.4242 | 0.04125 | 231 | 150 | 64 | 17 |
414 | Your Honor, I request a continuance on the grounds that we've gone past naptime and the witness is exhausted. | 1.4242 | 0.04125 | 231 | 150 | 64 | 17 |
415 | And yet you went to bed with him willingly....EVERY NIGHT! Isn't that right | 1.4242 | 0.04260 | 231 | 153 | 58 | 20 |
416 | So it would be fair to say that Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, was he? | 1.4242 | 0.04216 | 231 | 152 | 60 | 19 |
417 | Your Honor, I think we have established that the witness has been sleeping with the defendant since birth | 1.4240 | 0.04502 | 217 | 146 | 50 | 21 |
418 | And how often does she make you sit on her lap? | 1.4236 | 0.04241 | 229 | 151 | 59 | 19 |
419 | If you hope to make it to that picnic, you better start talking. | 1.4236 | 0.04103 | 229 | 148 | 65 | 16 |
420 | He speaks for the Silent Majority. | 1.4236 | 0.04196 | 229 | 150 | 61 | 18 |
421 | This is not what I meant by 'bear witness.' | 1.4233 | 0.04285 | 215 | 140 | 59 | 16 |
422 | That big? I remind you, you're under oath. | 1.4231 | 0.04306 | 234 | 157 | 55 | 22 |
423 | I said: 'Raise your right hand.' | 1.4229 | 0.04357 | 227 | 152 | 54 | 21 |
424 | My client says that the honey jar was already empty when he entered the kitchen. | 1.4229 | 0.04032 | 227 | 145 | 68 | 14 |
425 | It's a teddy bear, Justice Barrett. | 1.4225 | 0.04562 | 213 | 144 | 48 | 21 |
426 | Isn't it true that Fuzzy Wuzzy WASN'T very fuzzy? Was he? | 1.4224 | 0.04157 | 232 | 152 | 62 | 18 |
427 | Counselor, overruled. This witness has a right to bear arms. | 1.4224 | 0.04201 | 232 | 153 | 60 | 19 |
428 | When you went down in the woods that day, were you or were you not in for a big surprise? | 1.4222 | 0.04385 | 225 | 151 | 53 | 21 |
429 | Thus, I conclude that this entire testimony is imaginary and should be discarded. | 1.4218 | 0.04127 | 211 | 134 | 65 | 12 |
430 | Did you or did you not push Barbie off the shelf? | 1.4217 | 0.04316 | 230 | 154 | 55 | 21 |
431 | He doesn't look like a hostile witness | 1.4217 | 0.04136 | 230 | 150 | 63 | 17 |
432 | The defense rests, but can’t sleep without her teddy bear. | 1.4217 | 0.04227 | 230 | 152 | 59 | 19 |
433 | Isn't it true that your relationship with the defendant changed after you were thrown into the washing machine? | 1.4215 | 0.04225 | 223 | 146 | 60 | 17 |
434 | Allow us to understand. Your alibi is that a toy cowboy, astronaut, and dinosaur somehow came to life and committed the crime? Seriously? | 1.4215 | 0.04273 | 223 | 147 | 58 | 18 |
435 | And you just sat there and watched it all happen? | 1.4215 | 0.04273 | 223 | 147 | 58 | 18 |
436 | Let it be noted, your Honor, that the witness wishes to be addressed as Theodore, not Teddy. | 1.4215 | 0.04273 | 223 | 147 | 58 | 18 |
437 | Your Honor, I assert that the witness could not have positively identified the fleeing trespasser as Goldilocks, because his button eyes- while admittedly cute - are merely decorative. | 1.4213 | 0.04467 | 216 | 145 | 51 | 20 |
438 | Your honor, this witness slept with one of the jurors... | 1.4211 | 0.04180 | 209 | 136 | 59 | 14 |
439 | Can you tell me exactly how much porridge the defendant ate? | 1.4211 | 0.04066 | 228 | 147 | 66 | 15 |
440 | You may not like the material of the witness, but it is a material witness nonetheless. Counsel may proceed. | 1.4208 | 0.04251 | 221 | 145 | 59 | 17 |
441 | Now, when you say you two slept together, could you be more specific for the jury? | 1.4208 | 0.04251 | 221 | 145 | 59 | 17 |
442 | .....And is the person you saw asleep in your bed in the court room today? | 1.4206 | 0.04007 | 233 | 150 | 68 | 15 |
443 | The defense would like to take a ten minute nap with the witness. | 1.4206 | 0.04245 | 214 | 139 | 60 | 15 |
444 | Bear with me, Your Honor. | 1.4204 | 0.04369 | 226 | 152 | 53 | 21 |
445 | If the chair doesn't fit, you must acquit. | 1.4204 | 0.04546 | 226 | 156 | 45 | 25 |
446 | Besides the gold locks — how else would you describe the intruder ? | 1.4196 | 0.04210 | 224 | 147 | 60 | 17 |
447 | The state asks that the defendant be held in contempt and cuddled. | 1.4194 | 0.04774 | 217 | 153 | 37 | 27 |
448 | '"In my client's defense, Your Honor: ' Toys Will Be Toys.' " | 1.4190 | 0.04352 | 210 | 138 | 56 | 16 |
449 | Mr. Bear, Isn't it true that you sleep with underage children? | 1.4189 | 0.04378 | 222 | 149 | 53 | 20 |
450 | And when did the accused first put you through the laundry? | 1.4186 | 0.04281 | 215 | 141 | 58 | 16 |
451 | And exactly how long were you and the victim sleeping together? | 1.4182 | 0.04262 | 220 | 145 | 58 | 17 |
452 | And Teddy is not even his real name your Honor. | 1.4182 | 0.04213 | 220 | 144 | 60 | 16 |
453 | Isn't it true you were sleeping with the plaintiff on the night in question? | 1.4178 | 0.04097 | 213 | 136 | 65 | 12 |
454 | OK Mr. Ted Paddington Berenstein of Vermont, if that is your real name. | 1.4178 | 0.04256 | 213 | 139 | 59 | 15 |
455 | And what did the defendant do after threatening to "beat the stuffin' out of you"? | 1.4174 | 0.04189 | 218 | 142 | 61 | 15 |
456 | You sir are a bear-faced liar. | 1.4174 | 0.04338 | 218 | 145 | 55 | 18 |
457 | The doll already confessed, make this easier on yourself | 1.4171 | 0.04336 | 211 | 139 | 56 | 16 |
458 | So you’re sticking with your alibi that you were picnicking in the woods. | 1.4167 | 0.04163 | 216 | 140 | 62 | 14 |
459 | Were you or were you not a partner of Stearns in 2008? | 1.4167 | 0.04558 | 216 | 148 | 46 | 22 |
460 | What about the rumors that you slept with the perpetrator? | 1.4159 | 0.04292 | 214 | 141 | 57 | 16 |
461 | Objection, bearsay | 1.4159 | 0.04292 | 214 | 141 | 57 | 16 |
462 | Eplain how you arrived from darkest Peru with only a letter and no passport. | 1.4155 | 0.04322 | 219 | 146 | 55 | 18 |
463 | And when did you last see the rubber duckie? | 1.4155 | 0.04445 | 207 | 138 | 52 | 17 |
464 | Let the record show that Teddy wasn't anywhere near that picnic. | 1.4155 | 0.04498 | 207 | 139 | 50 | 18 |
465 | Your honor, I move that we break for a nap. | 1.4147 | 0.04300 | 217 | 144 | 56 | 17 |
466 | Please just stick to the bear facts. | 1.4147 | 0.04634 | 217 | 151 | 42 | 24 |
467 | Your Honor, permission to treat the defendant as adorable? | 1.4146 | 0.04312 | 205 | 134 | 57 | 14 |
468 | Your honor, my client has seen many things that he can't unsee. | 1.4143 | 0.04160 | 210 | 138 | 58 | 14 |
469 | How many years have you been serving the President? | 1.4143 | 0.04700 | 210 | 146 | 41 | 23 |
470 | Please describe where the defendant tickled you. | 1.4138 | 0.04613 | 203 | 138 | 46 | 19 |
471 | Don’t let his soft and cuddly looks fool you, your honor | 1.4138 | 0.04340 | 203 | 133 | 56 | 14 |
472 | Yes, I suppose it is impressive you’re a doctor, but you still need to wear pants in court.. | 1.4135 | 0.04376 | 208 | 138 | 54 | 16 |
473 | His lips appear to be sealed. | 1.4131 | 0.04406 | 213 | 143 | 52 | 18 |
474 | Your Honor, as my next witness I'd like to call the child's blanket. | 1.4131 | 0.04355 | 213 | 142 | 54 | 17 |
475 | Let the record reflect that the witness has been sleeping with the defendant. | 1.4129 | 0.04591 | 201 | 136 | 47 | 18 |
476 | And the nanny-cam was inserted where? | 1.4128 | 0.04430 | 218 | 148 | 50 | 20 |
477 | You know that's a bear-faced LIE! | 1.4126 | 0.04323 | 206 | 138 | 52 | 16 |
478 | Of course I could use a hug. | 1.4123 | 0.04730 | 211 | 148 | 39 | 24 |
479 | When were you last in bed with the suspect? | 1.4123 | 0.04172 | 211 | 137 | 61 | 13 |
480 | Let the record show that, in fact, fuzzy wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he. | 1.4123 | 0.04535 | 211 | 144 | 47 | 20 |
481 | Permission to treat the witness as warm and snuggly? | 1.4123 | 0.04485 | 211 | 143 | 49 | 19 |
482 | Permission to press the witness for a response. | 1.4118 | 0.04541 | 204 | 138 | 48 | 18 |
483 | No last name, just Teddy. | 1.4118 | 0.04267 | 204 | 133 | 58 | 13 |
484 | Where did the child touch you? | 1.4115 | 0.04566 | 209 | 143 | 46 | 20 |
485 | So you are saying that instead of your Miranda Rights they read you Goodnight Moon? | 1.4115 | 0.04515 | 209 | 142 | 48 | 19 |
486 | This witness has been seen cozying up to the defendant on multiple occasions. | 1.4106 | 0.04054 | 207 | 132 | 65 | 10 |
487 | If it pleases the Court, Your Honor, I'd like to give the witness a hug. | 1.4106 | 0.04493 | 207 | 140 | 49 | 18 |
488 | Permission to sleep with the witness, your honor. | 1.4100 | 0.04712 | 200 | 138 | 42 | 20 |
489 | Did you or did you not sleep with the defendant? | 1.4098 | 0.04471 | 205 | 138 | 50 | 17 |
490 | May the record reflect the witness is hostile, albeit cuddly and cute. | 1.4098 | 0.04251 | 205 | 134 | 58 | 13 |
491 | So, your testimony is that EVERY bear that ever there was had gathered there for certain because “that’s the way the teddy bears have their picnic?” | 1.4095 | 0.04395 | 210 | 141 | 52 | 17 |
492 | Are you now or have you ever been part of the Hundred Acre Woods crew? | 1.4091 | 0.04525 | 198 | 133 | 49 | 16 |
493 | When did you stop sleeping with the defendant? | 1.4091 | 0.04637 | 198 | 135 | 45 | 18 |
494 | I can prove it, but I must be allowed to turn off the lights and have us all pretend to be asleep. | 1.4091 | 0.04525 | 198 | 133 | 49 | 16 |
495 | The oath is over; you can put your hands down. | 1.4091 | 0.04468 | 198 | 132 | 51 | 15 |
496 | Let me remind you counsel not to badger the bear. | 1.4089 | 0.04221 | 203 | 132 | 59 | 12 |
497 | So you lost custody of your child because his parents said he was too old for you? | 1.4089 | 0.04104 | 203 | 130 | 63 | 10 |
498 | The defendant claims the right to remain silent | 1.4089 | 0.04163 | 203 | 131 | 61 | 11 |
499 | Request permission to treat the witness as hostile. | 1.4087 | 0.04579 | 208 | 143 | 45 | 20 |
500 | My client has the right to remain silent. | 1.4087 | 0.04528 | 208 | 142 | 47 | 19 |
501 | How do you answer to the charge of providing comfort to the enemy? | 1.4087 | 0.04153 | 208 | 135 | 61 | 12 |
502 | So you’re telling me Fuzzy Wuzzy WAS a bear? | 1.4084 | 0.04459 | 191 | 126 | 52 | 13 |
503 | Before you pass sentence, your Honor, my client wishes to know if you'd like some cuddle time. | 1.4082 | 0.04440 | 196 | 130 | 52 | 14 |
504 | So when Goldilocks said your brother’s bed was ‘just right’ you felt disrespected? | 1.4080 | 0.04129 | 201 | 129 | 62 | 10 |
505 | Your Honor, please instruct the witness to answer my question of whether he was, or was not, at Pooh Corner on the night Mr. Robin went missing. | 1.4080 | 0.04248 | 201 | 131 | 58 | 12 |
506 | Did you or did you not tell the other teddy bears that you were the favorite? | 1.4080 | 0.04640 | 201 | 138 | 44 | 19 |
507 | I understand you are very close to the defendant. | 1.4078 | 0.04291 | 206 | 136 | 56 | 14 |
508 | I move that an hour is more than enough time to wait for a response. | 1.4070 | 0.04335 | 199 | 131 | 55 | 13 |
509 | Your honor, the witness has been sleeping with the defendant for years. | 1.4069 | 0.04262 | 204 | 134 | 57 | 13 |
510 | Your honor, this witness worked under covers! | 1.4069 | 0.04537 | 204 | 139 | 47 | 18 |
511 | I'm establishing that my client is affectionate with everybody. | 1.4069 | 0.04590 | 204 | 140 | 45 | 19 |
512 | Where were you the morning Flufferbunny was found on the sidewalk with a "Free!" sign around her neck? | 1.4065 | 0.04580 | 214 | 149 | 43 | 22 |
513 | You'll be hibernating a long time where you're going. | 1.4062 | 0.04851 | 192 | 134 | 38 | 20 |
514 | ... and for how long have you been cute and cuddly? | 1.4061 | 0.04595 | 197 | 134 | 46 | 17 |
515 | And what did you see at beddy bye on the nighty night in question? | 1.4061 | 0.04538 | 197 | 133 | 48 | 16 |
516 | Did you or did not make the clothing softer? | 1.4059 | 0.04568 | 202 | 138 | 46 | 18 |
517 | Permission to approach the witness and snuggle. | 1.4059 | 0.04403 | 202 | 135 | 52 | 15 |
518 | My client’s lips are sealed. | 1.4059 | 0.04513 | 202 | 137 | 48 | 17 |
519 | How can you be so sure it was "just right"? You weren't even in the cottage. | 1.4053 | 0.04654 | 190 | 129 | 45 | 16 |
520 | Your Honor, I request permission to treat this witness as cute and cuddly. | 1.4053 | 0.04533 | 190 | 127 | 49 | 14 |
521 | Your Honor. Please compel the witness to answer. Did he shit in the woods or not? | 1.4051 | 0.04684 | 195 | 134 | 43 | 18 |
522 | Mr. Pooh. Can you explain how your prints wound up on the hunny jar? | 1.4050 | 0.04432 | 200 | 134 | 51 | 15 |
523 | Let’s keep it to the bear facts, shall we? | 1.4049 | 0.04357 | 205 | 137 | 53 | 15 |
524 | I submit, Mr. Bear, that you were NOT in hibernation on the date in question! | 1.4043 | 0.04565 | 188 | 126 | 48 | 14 |
525 | Counselor,after each question you pull the cord on the back. | 1.4040 | 0.04287 | 198 | 130 | 56 | 12 |
526 | Your honor, we have just one question for the witness: Where is the blanky? | 1.4040 | 0.04405 | 198 | 132 | 52 | 14 |
527 | He wants to know if the court will recess for winter. | 1.4040 | 0.04463 | 198 | 133 | 50 | 15 |
528 | Show the court where they touched you. | 1.4038 | 0.04574 | 208 | 144 | 44 | 20 |
529 | My client offers no disrespect to the court, but maintains that she is honor-bound not to reveal where in the woods the picnic occurred. | 1.4031 | 0.04810 | 191 | 133 | 39 | 19 |
530 | So what you would have us believe is that the beloved family dog is actually a psychopathic murderer? | 1.4031 | 0.04775 | 196 | 137 | 39 | 20 |
531 | Your honor, I respect that he's your comfort animal, but we need the chair for witnesses. | 1.4030 | 0.04635 | 201 | 139 | 43 | 19 |
532 | He's testifying. You just have no imagination. | 1.4030 | 0.04741 | 201 | 141 | 39 | 21 |
533 | Frankly your honor, who the defendant sleeps with has little to do with this case | 1.4030 | 0.04301 | 201 | 133 | 55 | 13 |
534 | Your Honor should note that the witness is indicating ‘Sooo big!’ | 1.4022 | 0.04632 | 184 | 124 | 46 | 14 |
535 | ...and then he just THREW me out of the pram, your honour. | 1.4022 | 0.04368 | 184 | 120 | 54 | 10 |
536 | The prosecution rests--preferably with the witness. | 1.4021 | 0.04357 | 189 | 124 | 54 | 11 |
537 | Teddy, would you say he confided more in you or in his blanky? | 1.4021 | 0.04357 | 189 | 124 | 54 | 11 |
538 | Just answer the question... Does a bear shit in the woods. | 1.4021 | 0.04787 | 189 | 131 | 40 | 18 |
539 | I maintain you have no right to American jurisprudence because your tag says “Made in China.” | 1.4021 | 0.04641 | 194 | 133 | 44 | 17 |
540 | Give me a moment, your honor, I'm trying to Build-A-Case. | 1.4011 | 0.04731 | 182 | 124 | 43 | 15 |
541 | Overruled. The witness may squeak. | 1.4011 | 0.04386 | 187 | 123 | 53 | 11 |
542 | Don't get cute with me, Mr. | 1.4010 | 0.04435 | 192 | 128 | 51 | 13 |
543 | Yes, it’s abuse! She goes from hugging me till I can’t breathe to bashing my head on the table in seconds! | 1.4010 | 0.04615 | 192 | 131 | 45 | 16 |
544 | And you say you were never at said picnic | 1.4010 | 0.04789 | 192 | 134 | 39 | 19 |
545 | So, Theodore, is it? Please point to the person you witnessed stealing the covers. | 1.4010 | 0.04532 | 197 | 134 | 47 | 16 |
546 | Bear with me, Your Honor, this witness has done a lot of undercover work. | 1.4010 | 0.04475 | 197 | 133 | 49 | 15 |
547 | And after he threatened to beat the stuffing out of you...? | 1.4000 | 0.04465 | 190 | 127 | 50 | 13 |
548 | And is it your testimony that you were the victim of a Honey Trap? | 1.4000 | 0.04548 | 185 | 124 | 48 | 13 |
549 | And what did the president tell you late at night? | 1.4000 | 0.04675 | 185 | 126 | 44 | 15 |
550 | You say the whole porridge thing is being overblown? | 1.4000 | 0.04483 | 185 | 123 | 50 | 12 |
551 | Is it true, sir, that you failed to provide comfort and companionship to the plaintiff, otherwise known as Billy? | 1.4000 | 0.04548 | 185 | 124 | 48 | 13 |
552 | And who's been sitting in your chair? | 1.4000 | 0.04506 | 195 | 132 | 48 | 15 |
553 | So you're suing her boyfriend for alienation of affection? | 1.3990 | 0.04340 | 198 | 132 | 53 | 13 |
554 | Did you really think it was just a picnic? | 1.3990 | 0.04769 | 193 | 135 | 39 | 19 |
555 | Can the defendant, please explain, why he went over the mountain, and what did he expect to see? | 1.3990 | 0.04655 | 193 | 133 | 43 | 17 |
556 | Your Honor, bear with me. | 1.3989 | 0.04682 | 188 | 129 | 43 | 16 |
557 | Piglet took the Fifth, but I'm betting Tigger will talk. | 1.3989 | 0.04621 | 188 | 128 | 45 | 15 |
558 | Does the court have any interpreters under the age of 7? | 1.3989 | 0.04621 | 188 | 128 | 45 | 15 |
559 | And you want the court to believe that you could identify my client across a large field on a dark night with nothing but buttons for eyes? | 1.3989 | 0.04802 | 188 | 131 | 39 | 18 |
560 | Is it your testimony that you allowed the snuggling to occur? | 1.3989 | 0.04496 | 188 | 126 | 49 | 13 |
561 | What makes you think she was just toying with you? | 1.3989 | 0.04496 | 188 | 126 | 49 | 13 |
562 | You’re a bear-faced liar, Teddy, aren’t you? | 1.3989 | 0.04743 | 188 | 130 | 41 | 17 |
563 | Your Honor, I submit that NOT every bear that ever there was attended the picnic that day. Isn't that true, Teddy? | 1.3989 | 0.04496 | 188 | 126 | 49 | 13 |
564 | Can you show us where he touched you? | 1.3980 | 0.04429 | 196 | 132 | 50 | 14 |
565 | Can you imagine how adorable he'll look in a little orange jumpsuit? | 1.3979 | 0.04569 | 191 | 130 | 46 | 15 |
566 | So, you and the small pig never actually saw this Heffalump? | 1.3979 | 0.04747 | 191 | 133 | 40 | 18 |
567 | Don't toy with me! | 1.3979 | 0.04569 | 191 | 130 | 46 | 15 |
568 | I kept telling Mr. Trump no means no, but he didn’t stop. | 1.3979 | 0.04629 | 191 | 131 | 44 | 16 |
569 | My lips are sealed. | 1.3968 | 0.04540 | 189 | 128 | 47 | 14 |
570 | So is it your testimony that the porridge was neither too hot nor too cold? | 1.3968 | 0.04083 | 189 | 121 | 61 | 7 |
571 | Your honor, permission to treat this witness as textile? | 1.3968 | 0.04478 | 189 | 127 | 49 | 13 |
572 | What do you mean you don't know who ate the porridge? | 1.3968 | 0.04602 | 189 | 129 | 45 | 15 |
573 | Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you, God, are you cute... | 1.3966 | 0.04781 | 179 | 123 | 41 | 15 |
574 | I told you to find someone to bear witness, not to get a "bear" witness. | 1.3966 | 0.04648 | 179 | 121 | 45 | 13 |
575 | Can the defense explain to me, how Mr. Eric Trump will use his ‘teddy’ as a character witness? | 1.3966 | 0.04614 | 179 | 123 | 42 | 14 |
576 | Does that mean you don't know, or do you just need a hug? Remember, you're under oath. | 1.3957 | 0.04380 | 187 | 124 | 52 | 11 |
577 | Your honor, my client will not be able to sleep without a blanket search warrant as well. | 1.3956 | 0.04527 | 182 | 122 | 48 | 12 |
578 | Permission to toy with the witness. | 1.3947 | 0.04521 | 190 | 129 | 47 | 14 |
579 | The witness claims to have been tucked up in bed with the accused at the time of the murder. | 1.3947 | 0.04396 | 190 | 127 | 51 | 12 |
580 | Sir, you only need to raise your right hand. | 1.3946 | 0.04541 | 185 | 125 | 47 | 13 |
581 | The defense calls Christopher Robin, your honor! | 1.3944 | 0.04627 | 180 | 122 | 45 | 13 |
582 | That was when she put me in the box in the attic... The day after she received a smart phone. | 1.3944 | 0.04760 | 180 | 124 | 41 | 15 |
583 | And you say you were with the defendant for the entire night? | 1.3944 | 0.04560 | 180 | 121 | 47 | 12 |
584 | Of course I'm coddling the witness... | 1.3943 | 0.04577 | 175 | 117 | 47 | 11 |
585 | Your Honor, the Defense asks that you allow Dr. Bear's testimony as an expert witness on early bonding... | 1.3936 | 0.04676 | 188 | 130 | 42 | 16 |
586 | After Susie chose Bunny and Baby Bear to sleep with, did you not fly into a jealous rage and try and bite all of them? | 1.3936 | 0.04615 | 188 | 129 | 44 | 15 |
587 | Hibernation is not an alibi. | 1.3934 | 0.04639 | 183 | 125 | 44 | 14 |
588 | I was framed! It wasn't me! It was Paddington! | 1.3934 | 0.04574 | 183 | 124 | 46 | 13 |
589 | The trump campaign rests your honor | 1.3934 | 0.05012 | 183 | 131 | 32 | 20 |
590 | If it pleases the court, I'd like a few moments to snuggle with my client. | 1.3933 | 0.04524 | 178 | 119 | 48 | 11 |
591 | So Mr Corduroy, you say it all started after losing a button? | 1.3933 | 0.04729 | 178 | 122 | 42 | 14 |
592 | Show us again how big your human was when he stopped playing with you. | 1.3931 | 0.04310 | 173 | 112 | 54 | 7 |
593 | My client has an alibi, Your Honor. That was the day of the picnic. | 1.3927 | 0.04563 | 191 | 131 | 45 | 15 |
594 | So you and Puff were the last ones to see little Jackie Paper alive then,right? | 1.3925 | 0.06050 | 107 | 73 | 26 | 8 |
595 | Testimonies of trumpy bears are no longer admissible | 1.3925 | 0.04585 | 186 | 127 | 45 | 14 |
596 | When pressed, he'll confess to everything. | 1.3913 | 0.04554 | 184 | 125 | 46 | 13 |
597 | To be clear, you’re saying you slept with the defendant for several years yet were never intimate with her? | 1.3913 | 0.06550 | 92 | 63 | 22 | 7 |
598 | Tell the court everything that happened at the picnic. | 1.3913 | 0.04354 | 184 | 122 | 52 | 10 |
599 | I move for a brief recess, your honor, as my client indicates he overdid lunch and is currently stuffed. | 1.3911 | 0.04774 | 179 | 124 | 40 | 15 |
600 | The witness has the right to remain silent. | 1.3911 | 0.04641 | 179 | 122 | 44 | 13 |
601 | Your Honour, my client requests an extended hibernation. | 1.3911 | 0.04641 | 179 | 122 | 44 | 13 |
602 | You think I'm hostile now, wait 'til you see me tonight. | 1.3911 | 0.04774 | 179 | 124 | 40 | 15 |
603 | What really goes on in the woods? It’s not just a picnic- is it?! | 1.3911 | 0.04573 | 179 | 121 | 46 | 12 |
604 | Until this very minute, my plan had been to badger the witness... | 1.3908 | 0.04871 | 174 | 121 | 38 | 15 |
605 | Your honor I object to this witness. This trial is about the second amendment, not a right to bear arms. | 1.3905 | 0.04973 | 169 | 118 | 36 | 15 |
606 | The White House claims this is their best witness. | 1.3905 | 0.05181 | 169 | 121 | 30 | 18 |
607 | You’re asking a soft witness some very hard questions. | 1.3905 | 0.04902 | 169 | 117 | 38 | 14 |
608 | So you registered to vote under the name Theodore Bear? | 1.3905 | 0.04756 | 169 | 115 | 42 | 12 |
609 | Teddy" is an alias | 1.3901 | 0.04717 | 182 | 126 | 41 | 15 |
610 | Teddy is an unreliable witness, he's sleeping with the accused. | 1.3901 | 0.04520 | 182 | 123 | 47 | 12 |
611 | And where were you when your porridge was stolen? | 1.3901 | 0.04587 | 182 | 124 | 45 | 13 |
612 | The defendant asks for recess. | 1.3901 | 0.05208 | 141 | 96 | 35 | 10 |
613 | So, is it true you're stuffed with shredded ballots? | 1.3898 | 0.04811 | 177 | 123 | 39 | 15 |
614 | No, I did not consent to cuddling | 1.3898 | 0.04319 | 177 | 116 | 53 | 8 |
615 | So at what age did they start neglecting you? | 1.3898 | 0.04319 | 177 | 116 | 53 | 8 |
616 | Objection, your Honor, this witness’ memory is clearly fuzzy. | 1.3898 | 0.04536 | 177 | 119 | 47 | 11 |
617 | The last thing I remember I was falling out of the stroller. | 1.3895 | 0.04475 | 172 | 114 | 49 | 9 |
618 | You are accused of committing security fraud. | 1.3895 | 0.04840 | 172 | 119 | 39 | 14 |
619 | And did you know the plantiff was only 3 when you went "night night" with her? | 1.3886 | 0.04780 | 175 | 121 | 40 | 14 |
620 | Only raise your right hand to swear in. | 1.3882 | 0.04734 | 170 | 116 | 42 | 12 |
621 | You were forced to sleep with the defendant against your will? | 1.3876 | 0.04920 | 178 | 126 | 35 | 17 |
622 | And when I pull your string again will I hear a different story? | 1.3876 | 0.04722 | 178 | 123 | 41 | 14 |
623 | Your honor, I would like permission to treat the witness as adorably hostile. | 1.3876 | 0.04445 | 178 | 119 | 49 | 10 |
624 | Your honor, I know he is a teddy bear but he was the only character witness we could find for Mr. Trump. | 1.3876 | 0.04756 | 178 | 126 | 36 | 16 |
625 | Your Honor, I’ll have to recuse myself. I used to share my bed with this witness. | 1.3876 | 0.04654 | 178 | 122 | 43 | 13 |
626 | And the officer said ‘arms behind your head!’, but I don’t have elbows! | 1.3873 | 0.04379 | 173 | 114 | 51 | 8 |
627 | You're saying you were only sleeping with the woman who robbed the bank? | 1.3869 | 0.04695 | 168 | 114 | 43 | 11 |
628 | Teddy, tell the court which child you would prefer to live with. | 1.3869 | 0.04771 | 168 | 115 | 41 | 12 |
629 | Do you have any other witnesses to prove voter fraud? | 1.3869 | 0.04918 | 168 | 117 | 37 | 14 |
630 | I object your honor. My client being a bear has no bearing on his ability to bear witness. | 1.3869 | 0.04381 | 168 | 110 | 51 | 7 |
631 | And which bowl of porridge was yours, the one that was too hot, too cold or just right? | 1.3864 | 0.04477 | 176 | 118 | 48 | 10 |
632 | So it turns out that fluffy wuffy wasn’t fluffy was he? | 1.3864 | 0.04758 | 176 | 122 | 40 | 14 |
633 | You were asked to bear witness, not have a bear witness! | 1.3864 | 0.05024 | 176 | 126 | 32 | 18 |
634 | But Your Honor, this *is* my first material witness." | 1.3860 | 0.04638 | 171 | 116 | 44 | 11 |
635 | She was smothering me all day everyday | 1.3860 | 0.04926 | 171 | 120 | 36 | 15 |
636 | Your Honor, I'll answer: Does a bear sit in a courtroom? | 1.3860 | 0.04711 | 171 | 117 | 42 | 12 |
637 | Your honor, I believe there is evidence of witness pampering on the part of the defendant. | 1.3859 | 0.04801 | 184 | 130 | 37 | 17 |
638 | Mr Bear,please describe for the court exactly what you witnessed at the Pennsylvania voting centre on the night of the 3rd of November? | 1.3859 | 0.04801 | 184 | 130 | 37 | 17 |
639 | And that's when my client had the stuffing beaten out of him. | 1.3855 | 0.04808 | 166 | 114 | 40 | 12 |
640 | Is it not true that you blatantly claimed that you would be as effective as a security blanket, yet you have no formal security experience? | 1.3855 | 0.04633 | 179 | 123 | 43 | 13 |
641 | Miss Goldilocks is lying. I wasn’t even at home when the porridge disappeared. | 1.3855 | 0.04701 | 179 | 124 | 41 | 14 |
642 | In your expert legal opinion does Goldilocks’s signature match the ballot in question? | 1.3855 | 0.04633 | 179 | 123 | 43 | 13 |
643 | Your Honor, while the witness may appear to be merely a chubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff, I assure you the testimony he is about to give is neither willy, nilly, nor silly. | 1.3851 | 0.04725 | 174 | 120 | 41 | 13 |
644 | And please indicate for the record where the defendant squeezed you. | 1.3851 | 0.04725 | 174 | 120 | 41 | 13 |
645 | Your honor, I'd like to request an hour recess for nap time. | 1.3851 | 0.04582 | 174 | 118 | 45 | 11 |
646 | And is Goldilocks, the girl who ate your porridge, in the courtroom today? | 1.3851 | 0.04654 | 174 | 119 | 43 | 12 |
647 | Just how big was this blond girl? | 1.3850 | 0.04804 | 187 | 133 | 36 | 18 |
648 | He's doing it again, look! He wants to hug me, and without a mask! | 1.3846 | 0.04673 | 169 | 115 | 43 | 11 |
649 | He's guilty of a fray but this is clearly a stitch-up | 1.3846 | 0.04748 | 169 | 116 | 41 | 12 |
650 | Do you mean to tell me you're just going to sit there and say nothing? | 1.3846 | 0.04748 | 169 | 116 | 41 | 12 |
651 | This witness is full of fabrications. | 1.3846 | 0.04894 | 169 | 118 | 37 | 14 |
652 | Your Honor, I intend to show that this Bear really didn't Care. | 1.3846 | 0.04673 | 169 | 115 | 43 | 11 |
653 | ...and you were expected to carry ALL of her emotional baggage because she hugged you? | 1.3846 | 0.04673 | 169 | 115 | 43 | 11 |
654 | If it please the court, permission to treat as machine washable? | 1.3838 | 0.04527 | 185 | 127 | 45 | 13 |
655 | Justice Goldilocks, something about this witness just isn’t right... | 1.3837 | 0.04902 | 172 | 121 | 36 | 15 |
656 | OK, I confess! I WAS thinking of saying 'I can't bear it anymore!' | 1.3832 | 0.04860 | 167 | 116 | 38 | 13 |
657 | Are you saying his vote doesn't matter? | 1.3832 | 0.04785 | 167 | 115 | 40 | 12 |
658 | Judge,it looks like my witness needs a hug. | 1.3832 | 0.04632 | 167 | 113 | 44 | 10 |
659 | So how do you explain being found in the plaintiff's bed? | 1.3832 | 0.04309 | 167 | 109 | 52 | 6 |
660 | I'll ask you again.Is it true that you moonlight as a nanny cam? | 1.3832 | 0.04553 | 167 | 112 | 46 | 9 |
661 | You have to pull the string to get testimony | 1.3832 | 0.04860 | 167 | 116 | 38 | 13 |
662 | Your honor, just throwing your arms up is not an answer to my question." | 1.3829 | 0.04703 | 175 | 121 | 41 | 13 |
663 | My client is requesting a recess. | 1.3824 | 0.04537 | 170 | 117 | 42 | 11 |
664 | Did you, or did you not, have your paw in the honey when the officers found you? | 1.3824 | 0.04576 | 170 | 115 | 45 | 10 |
665 | Is it fair to describe your relationship to the defendant as intimate? | 1.3824 | 0.04576 | 170 | 115 | 45 | 10 |
666 | So, you had your paw in the honey jar all along, didn't you? | 1.3824 | 0.04941 | 170 | 120 | 35 | 15 |
667 | And no Pooh-poohing. I expect a straight answer! | 1.3824 | 0.04576 | 170 | 115 | 45 | 10 |
668 | Your Honor, my client seeks redress from Defendant who, in an afternoon trespass, consumed his porridge, broke his chair and appropriated his bed. | 1.3824 | 0.04499 | 170 | 114 | 47 | 9 |
669 | Person. Woman. Bear. Camera. TV. | 1.3824 | 0.05011 | 170 | 121 | 33 | 16 |
670 | Your Honour, this might be an appropriate time to adjourn for a picnic. | 1.3824 | 0.04651 | 170 | 116 | 43 | 11 |
671 | Did you, or did you not, consume 300,000 ballots? | 1.3819 | 0.05215 | 144 | 100 | 33 | 11 |
672 | Well, I can't make him talk. Perhaps my granddaughter could persuade him | 1.3818 | 0.04746 | 165 | 113 | 41 | 11 |
673 | Permission to treat witness as cuddly, your Honor? | 1.3818 | 0.04667 | 165 | 112 | 43 | 10 |
674 | It was Goldilocks | 1.3818 | 0.04746 | 165 | 113 | 41 | 11 |
675 | You only have to raise your right hand... | 1.3818 | 0.04899 | 165 | 115 | 37 | 13 |
676 | She stole our porridge, your honor. | 1.3818 | 0.04667 | 165 | 112 | 43 | 10 |
677 | Well, was he?? . . . Your honor, please instruct Fuzzy Wuzzy to answer the question. | 1.3813 | 0.04681 | 160 | 108 | 43 | 9 |
678 | Can you point out the person in the courtroom that drooled all over your face? | 1.3810 | 0.04762 | 168 | 116 | 40 | 12 |
679 | Now show us, how big was the dog that chased you? | 1.3810 | 0.04762 | 168 | 116 | 40 | 12 |
680 | Yes! He is smarter than the average politician | 1.3810 | 0.04909 | 168 | 118 | 36 | 14 |
681 | I can't rest my case without him | 1.3810 | 0.04532 | 168 | 113 | 46 | 9 |
682 | I believe it’s relevant, your honor, to know just how long the witness has been sleeping with the defendant. | 1.3810 | 0.04610 | 168 | 114 | 44 | 10 |
683 | You've been accused of sleeping with my client | 1.3810 | 0.04762 | 168 | 116 | 40 | 12 |
684 | Move to strike, your honor. My client clearly doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. | 1.3810 | 0.04686 | 168 | 115 | 42 | 11 |
685 | Would your honor please direct the witness that the 2nd amendment is not about his arms. | 1.3807 | 0.04750 | 176 | 123 | 39 | 14 |
686 | My client feels that he was misled by the Witness Protection Program. | 1.3804 | 0.04862 | 163 | 113 | 38 | 12 |
687 | And is ‘transitional object’ your sole occupation? | 1.3804 | 0.04783 | 163 | 112 | 40 | 11 |
688 | May I remind you, Mr. Pooh, that you are under oath. Would you please tell the Court how you obtained your lucky rabbit’s foot? | 1.3804 | 0.04939 | 163 | 114 | 36 | 13 |
689 | Childhood abandonment. That's what this case is about. | 1.3795 | 0.04723 | 166 | 114 | 41 | 11 |
690 | Nope, raise just your right hand. | 1.3795 | 0.04949 | 166 | 117 | 35 | 14 |
691 | I did not have cuddling relations with that woman. | 1.3795 | 0.04949 | 166 | 117 | 35 | 14 |
692 | Can you point to the part of your body where the president touched you. | 1.3795 | 0.05236 | 166 | 121 | 27 | 18 |
693 | How could you have seen my client? Those are buttons, not eyes. | 1.3795 | 0.04799 | 166 | 115 | 39 | 12 |
694 | She's not accused of battery I said she needs batteries. | 1.3789 | 0.04574 | 161 | 108 | 45 | 8 |
695 | Your Honor, we established the witness is an expert on the right to bear arms. | 1.3789 | 0.05209 | 161 | 116 | 29 | 16 |
696 | And you had no idea what you were stuffed with?" That seems unlikely. | 1.3789 | 0.04740 | 161 | 110 | 41 | 10 |
697 | The defendant will be charged with battery. | 1.3789 | 0.04902 | 161 | 112 | 37 | 12 |
698 | I ask for a recess. The witness has a boo-boo. | 1.3787 | 0.04511 | 169 | 114 | 46 | 9 |
699 | The witness will answer "where exactly did Susie touch you?" | 1.3782 | 0.05010 | 156 | 109 | 35 | 12 |
700 | So, Mr. Teddy, you’re saying that Timmy’s willing to testify that you were in bed with him the entire night in question? | 1.3782 | 0.04394 | 156 | 102 | 49 | 5 |
701 | Admit it! You tried to go Pooh in the unisex bathroom. | 1.3780 | 0.04990 | 164 | 116 | 34 | 14 |
702 | Your honor, the witness asks for A short break. He’s due at a nap. | 1.3780 | 0.04990 | 164 | 116 | 34 | 14 |
703 | Are you toying with the Court? | 1.3780 | 0.05064 | 164 | 117 | 32 | 15 |
704 | Show the court on yourself where the accused touched you. | 1.3779 | 0.04607 | 172 | 118 | 43 | 11 |
705 | And where did this alleged “picnic” take place? | 1.3774 | 0.04342 | 159 | 104 | 50 | 5 |
706 | Did you or did you not engage in insider trading at Bear Stearns? | 1.3774 | 0.04694 | 159 | 108 | 42 | 9 |
707 | Do you ‘bear’ to tell the truth?” [NOTE FOR EDITORS: I believe this is the type of simple, comforting humour that will thrive in the event of a Biden election victory. If Trump wins please use the alternative caption “FUCK SHIT PISS FUCK FUCK” | 1.3772 | 0.05346 | 167 | 124 | 23 | 20 |
708 | Your Honor, the defendant once shared my bed. | 1.3772 | 0.04700 | 167 | 115 | 41 | 11 |
709 | Do you agree with defendant's claim that he won you at a carnival? | 1.3765 | 0.04716 | 170 | 118 | 40 | 12 |
710 | I swear, I’ve never even been in those woods. | 1.3765 | 0.04642 | 170 | 117 | 42 | 11 |
711 | Officer Theodore, the rest of the vice squad claims you have gone soft. What is your defense? | 1.3758 | 0.04901 | 157 | 109 | 37 | 11 |
712 | I move we take a brief recess followed by a sippy cup with warm milk and a nap. | 1.3758 | 0.04817 | 157 | 108 | 39 | 10 |
713 | Your Honor,will you please direct Mr. Cuddles to answer the question? | 1.3758 | 0.04984 | 157 | 110 | 35 | 12 |
714 | Do you go by Teddy, or Theodore? | 1.3758 | 0.04817 | 157 | 108 | 39 | 10 |
715 | He's not talking, your Honor. | 1.3758 | 0.04736 | 165 | 114 | 40 | 11 |
716 | Didn't you say something about bear witness? | 1.3750 | 0.05400 | 112 | 75 | 32 | 5 |
717 | I swear, I don't even like porridge. It was Goldilocks, I tell you. | 1.3750 | 0.05074 | 160 | 114 | 32 | 14 |
718 | Your Honor, I can prove my client was at a picnic in the woods. For every bear that ever there was, was gathered there for certain, because... do I need to sing the whole song? | 1.3750 | 0.04673 | 176 | 123 | 40 | 13 |
719 | Your honor, in my client's defense, a red light and a green light look exactly the same. | 1.3750 | 0.04836 | 160 | 111 | 38 | 11 |
720 | So you admit, you inflated the numbers to sell more fabric softener? | 1.3750 | 0.04827 | 168 | 118 | 37 | 13 |
721 | Okay, okay I’ll admit it! He paid me $5 to sit in for his remote learning sessions. | 1.3750 | 0.04754 | 160 | 110 | 40 | 10 |
722 | Judge my client has requested a break from the proceedings. About 5 months long and preferably underground. | 1.3743 | 0.04978 | 171 | 123 | 32 | 16 |
723 | Whose bed were in when the incident occurred? | 1.3743 | 0.04620 | 171 | 118 | 42 | 11 |
724 | And isn’t it in your very nature to bear false witness? | 1.3742 | 0.04529 | 163 | 110 | 45 | 8 |
725 | May I remind you that is is against the law to bear false witness. | 1.3742 | 0.05081 | 163 | 117 | 31 | 15 |
726 | Regardless of social convention, Your Honor, my client asserts that being repeatedly thrown down the stairs, is entirely unacceptable. | 1.3742 | 0.04694 | 163 | 112 | 41 | 10 |
727 | So your honor, it was not an attack- just a 'bear hug'. | 1.3742 | 0.04852 | 163 | 114 | 37 | 12 |
728 | Let the record show that the witness is fluffy. | 1.3742 | 0.04942 | 155 | 108 | 36 | 11 |
729 | Your honor, this testimony sounds like a lot of fluff. | 1.3742 | 0.04856 | 155 | 107 | 38 | 10 |
730 | So is it your contention that the defendant ended your carnival career when he selected you as his prize? | 1.3735 | 0.04713 | 166 | 115 | 40 | 11 |
731 | Do you see the organizers of this picnic in the courtroom? | 1.3735 | 0.04556 | 166 | 113 | 44 | 9 |
732 | So you're saying you were home in bed at the time of the incident, is that right | 1.3735 | 0.04713 | 166 | 115 | 40 | 11 |
733 | I need to ask you one more time, "who's bed was she sleeping in?' | 1.3734 | 0.04958 | 158 | 111 | 35 | 12 |
734 | Counselor, have you had a prior relationship with the witness? | 1.3734 | 0.04958 | 158 | 111 | 35 | 12 |
735 | It was clearly self defense; the victim ate his porridge. | 1.3734 | 0.04792 | 158 | 109 | 39 | 10 |
736 | So, you and the accused go way back? | 1.3734 | 0.04876 | 158 | 110 | 37 | 11 |
737 | It was self defense. He put me in that twilly whilly machine you call a washer, so yeah I whacked him. What of it” | 1.3734 | 0.05118 | 158 | 113 | 31 | 14 |
738 | I can indeed bear witness to the grizzly crime committed by the monsters lurking under little Jimmy’s bed... | 1.3734 | 0.04876 | 158 | 110 | 37 | 11 |
739 | Objection sustained. You may not ask the witness whom he’s sleeping with. | 1.3728 | 0.04730 | 169 | 118 | 39 | 12 |
740 | Objection—cuddling the witness | 1.3727 | 0.04345 | 161 | 109 | 45 | 7 |
741 | Your honor, Bear in mind, the tooth fairy is also guilty as she took the money | 1.3727 | 0.04812 | 161 | 112 | 38 | 11 |
742 | Did Little Jake, in fact, go to sleep past his bedtime? | 1.3725 | 0.04718 | 153 | 104 | 41 | 8 |
743 | Whilst my client accepts that he has slept with a number of minors... | 1.3725 | 0.05069 | 153 | 108 | 33 | 12 |
744 | And can you tell the court how long your arms were before the attack? | 1.3720 | 0.04828 | 164 | 115 | 37 | 12 |
745 | The plaintiff's family was separated at the border. | 1.3718 | 0.05081 | 156 | 111 | 32 | 13 |
746 | Your honor, the victim was bound, gagged and left on the spin cycle for over half an hour. | 1.3718 | 0.04657 | 156 | 106 | 42 | 8 |
747 | Will the witness please just answer the question: How much porridge was in your bowl? | 1.3718 | 0.04745 | 156 | 107 | 40 | 9 |
748 | And who else was at the picnic with you? | 1.3718 | 0.04745 | 156 | 107 | 40 | 9 |
749 | This witness is testifying in favor of the right to bear arms | 1.3718 | 0.04916 | 156 | 109 | 36 | 11 |
750 | Yes, occasionally we do shit in the woods. | 1.3716 | 0.05099 | 148 | 104 | 33 | 11 |
751 | He's had his hands up since the arrest.” | 1.3713 | 0.05060 | 167 | 121 | 30 | 16 |
752 | I assumed he was washable | 1.3711 | 0.04510 | 159 | 107 | 45 | 7 |
753 | We don't know what he's doing here. He said he had the right to remain silent. | 1.3711 | 0.04768 | 159 | 110 | 39 | 10 |
754 | So, you’re saying that you can corroborate the defendant’s alibi that he was with you all night on the night in question? | 1.3709 | 0.05027 | 151 | 106 | 34 | 11 |
755 | Giving a Teddy Talk doesn't make you an expert witness! | 1.3694 | 0.04633 | 157 | 107 | 42 | 8 |
756 | Your Honor, this witness is full of nothing but fluff. | 1.3694 | 0.04633 | 157 | 107 | 42 | 8 |
757 | Please explain to the witness that a cross-examination does not mean anyone is upset with him. | 1.3694 | 0.04544 | 157 | 106 | 44 | 7 |
758 | Your Honor, can I proceed with my bedtime story? | 1.3691 | 0.04888 | 149 | 103 | 37 | 9 |
759 | Mr. Pooh. What is your relationship to Mr. Robin? | 1.3691 | 0.04699 | 149 | 101 | 41 | 7 |
760 | Your honor, we have proof the witness voted in Pennsylvania. | 1.3691 | 0.04980 | 149 | 104 | 35 | 10 |
761 | “Your Honor, the witness claims that Goldilocks ate his porridge, broke his favorite chair, and slept in his bed without repaying him for services rendered." " | 1.3691 | 0.05332 | 149 | 108 | 27 | 14 |
762 | Sorry, I just don’t remember much from my FAO Schwartz days. | 1.3691 | 0.04502 | 149 | 99 | 45 | 5 |
763 | Permission to treat the witness as inanimate, your honor? | 1.3684 | 0.04822 | 152 | 105 | 38 | 9 |
764 | Does anyone know when the witness will return from recess? | 1.3684 | 0.05171 | 152 | 109 | 30 | 13 |
765 | Point out who doesn't love you. | 1.3684 | 0.04731 | 152 | 104 | 40 | 8 |
766 | Please advise the witness to be less cuddly. | 1.3684 | 0.04731 | 152 | 104 | 40 | 8 |
767 | And then what did she say in her sleep? | 1.3681 | 0.04996 | 163 | 117 | 32 | 14 |
768 | Let the record show that no one actually saw a little girl with silver hair eat porridge or break a chair on the day in question. | 1.3677 | 0.04669 | 155 | 106 | 41 | 8 |
769 | They set the cycle to spin, SPIN! | 1.3677 | 0.04669 | 155 | 106 | 41 | 8 |
770 | Let the record reflect the witness is holding his hands apart as far as he possibly can in answer to the question of how big of a lie the defendant is telling. | 1.3677 | 0.04669 | 155 | 111 | 33 | 11 |
771 | I understand the court requires a more complete name than "Teddy." | 1.3677 | 0.04845 | 155 | 108 | 37 | 10 |
772 | Your Honor, the witness would like to tell everyone to get stuffed. | 1.3677 | 0.05015 | 155 | 110 | 33 | 12 |
773 | Your Honor, I can't interview this witness. His lips are stitched shut. | 1.3677 | 0.04931 | 155 | 109 | 35 | 11 |
774 | You are charged with sleeping with an under-age minor. | 1.3677 | 0.05015 | 155 | 110 | 33 | 12 |
775 | Any mention of "bear false winess" will be considered a felony. | 1.3677 | 0.04579 | 155 | 105 | 43 | 7 |
776 | That’s preposterous your honor. Everyone knows that a Build-A-Witness would be wearing a cute little shirt and tie. | 1.3677 | 0.04845 | 155 | 108 | 37 | 10 |
777 | He does have the right to remain silent. | 1.3677 | 0.04669 | 155 | 106 | 41 | 8 |
778 | You’ll have to pull some strings here if you want me to talk. | 1.3677 | 0.04931 | 155 | 109 | 35 | 11 |
779 | Your honor, I had requested a sideBAR. | 1.3677 | 0.05098 | 155 | 111 | 31 | 13 |
780 | So tell me, where did the detective touch you. | 1.3673 | 0.05206 | 147 | 105 | 30 | 12 |
781 | Your honor, there’s a fine line between cuddle and smother. | 1.3673 | 0.04835 | 147 | 101 | 38 | 8 |
782 | I was abused by Mr. Trump when he realized no one really like him. | 1.3671 | 0.05186 | 158 | 115 | 28 | 15 |
783 | Cat got your tongue ? | 1.3671 | 0.04947 | 158 | 112 | 34 | 12 |
784 | Teddy, are you are here to bear witness? | 1.3671 | 0.04610 | 158 | 108 | 42 | 8 |
785 | Are you willing to take a DNA test to establish paternity of Barbie's baby? | 1.3667 | 0.04953 | 150 | 105 | 35 | 10 |
786 | What do mean, "it was this big" ? Use your words. | 1.3667 | 0.04578 | 150 | 101 | 43 | 6 |
787 | Your Honor, would you tell the witness to be more precise in estimating the size of the bowl of cold porridge? | 1.3667 | 0.04769 | 150 | 103 | 39 | 8 |
788 | You slept with how many? | 1.3667 | 0.04862 | 150 | 104 | 37 | 9 |
789 | Yes, I slept with him, for years, but it was always consensual . | 1.3667 | 0.04862 | 150 | 104 | 37 | 9 |
790 | This is not the Teddy I called to bear witness... | 1.3667 | 0.05043 | 150 | 106 | 33 | 11 |
791 | In fact, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t a bear, was he? | 1.3667 | 0.05550 | 150 | 112 | 21 | 17 |
792 | Your Honor, it is clear this witness provides no emotional support. Move to dismiss. | 1.3667 | 0.04862 | 150 | 104 | 37 | 9 |
793 | Now I've heard of padding the numbers but stuffing the witness is new to me... | 1.3667 | 0.04862 | 150 | 104 | 37 | 9 |
794 | I went to law school for this? | 1.3667 | 0.04862 | 150 | 104 | 37 | 9 |
795 | Counselor perhaps you should press his tummy to get him to respond. | 1.3662 | 0.05045 | 142 | 99 | 34 | 9 |
796 | I know this is hard, but would you tell the jury how long you were tied to the front of the truck? | 1.3660 | 0.04973 | 153 | 108 | 34 | 11 |
797 | Did you or did you not fall off the bed when you were needed most? | 1.3655 | 0.04875 | 145 | 100 | 37 | 8 |
798 | So let me get this straight . .. you expect the jury to believe that there is another bear out there identical in size, shape, AND color? And that that is not you on the security camera footage?? | 1.3655 | 0.05068 | 145 | 102 | 33 | 10 |
799 | And is the man who threatened to beat the stuffing out of you here today? | 1.3655 | 0.04675 | 145 | 98 | 41 | 6 |
800 | Where were you on the night of the tea party? | 1.3654 | 0.04645 | 156 | 107 | 41 | 8 |
801 | Fluff and nonsense, Your Honor. He's full of it. | 1.3654 | 0.05152 | 156 | 113 | 29 | 14 |
802 | First I had badger the witness and now I gotta bear witness? | 1.3649 | 0.05087 | 148 | 105 | 32 | 11 |
803 | My client obviously has a right to bear arms, your honor. | 1.3649 | 0.05087 | 148 | 105 | 32 | 11 |
804 | May it please the court, I will show that my client never did or never would squeeze the Charmin' | 1.3649 | 0.04996 | 148 | 104 | 34 | 10 |
805 | ‘Permission to treat him as a hostile witness... and knock the stuffin outta him!’ | 1.3649 | 0.05265 | 148 | 107 | 28 | 13 |
806 | You see, your honor. Contrary to what the defendant claims, the blanket was not snuggle-soft. | 1.3649 | 0.04996 | 148 | 104 | 34 | 10 |
807 | In conclusion your Honor, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he? | 1.3649 | 0.04903 | 148 | 103 | 36 | 9 |
808 | Oh, come on. If corporations can gain personhood, surely I can too. | 1.3648 | 0.05080 | 159 | 115 | 30 | 14 |
809 | According to the police report, when you left the picnic the other bears were having a lovely time, beneath the trees where nobody sees. Is that correct? | 1.3642 | 0.04650 | 151 | 103 | 41 | 7 |
810 | Ursa ipsa loquitir. | 1.3642 | 0.05015 | 151 | 107 | 33 | 11 |
811 | So this pot of honey disappeared and you had nothing to do with it, right? | 1.3636 | 0.05378 | 121 | 84 | 30 | 7 |
812 | The president cannot keep bringing emotional support cases to my courtroom | 1.3636 | 0.04946 | 154 | 109 | 34 | 11 |
813 | This will do. As you know, facts don't matter anymore | 1.3630 | 0.05132 | 146 | 104 | 31 | 11 |
814 | The court will not allow you to bear witness. | 1.3630 | 0.05039 | 146 | 103 | 33 | 10 |
815 | Please tell the Court exactly where and when you were smothered. | 1.3630 | 0.05039 | 146 | 103 | 33 | 10 |
816 | It's a fucking teddy bear. | 1.3630 | 0.05223 | 146 | 105 | 29 | 12 |
817 | If a statement is true then it is not libel. You do have cotton balls. | 1.3630 | 0.05039 | 146 | 103 | 33 | 10 |
818 | Your honor, I request that you instruct the jury to ignore this witness's adorableness. | 1.3624 | 0.04876 | 149 | 104 | 36 | 9 |
819 | I'd like some leeway here, since this eyewitness has eyes made of plastic buttons. | 1.3624 | 0.04782 | 149 | 103 | 38 | 8 |
820 | Can you identify the person you discovered sleeping in your bed. | 1.3624 | 0.04782 | 149 | 103 | 38 | 8 |
821 | Is it true that you have used the alias, Ted? | 1.3624 | 0.04782 | 149 | 103 | 38 | 8 |
822 | So you do admit that you and the accused have been sleeping together. | 1.3624 | 0.04489 | 149 | 100 | 44 | 5 |
823 | I don’t buy this I was hibernating defense! | 1.3624 | 0.04589 | 149 | 101 | 42 | 6 |
824 | Your honor, my client was no where near Raggedy Ann on the night of her disappearance. | 1.3624 | 0.05059 | 149 | 106 | 32 | 11 |
825 | This is the main witness to elector fraud your honor? | 1.3624 | 0.04968 | 149 | 105 | 34 | 10 |
826 | And you’re sure the defendant is who you saw stealing cookies from the cookie jar? | 1.3624 | 0.04734 | 149 | 105 | 35 | 9 |
827 | Is this the most credible witness the state could come up with, your honor? | 1.3623 | 0.05239 | 138 | 98 | 30 | 10 |
828 | You insisted on testifying and now you won't speak? | 1.3618 | 0.04530 | 152 | 103 | 43 | 6 |
829 | Counsel requests permission to cuddle the witness. | 1.3617 | 0.04856 | 141 | 97 | 37 | 7 |
830 | Your honor, please bear with me on this. He’s not as cuddly as he looks. | 1.3617 | 0.05257 | 141 | 101 | 29 | 11 |
831 | It's not that he won't talk, he can't talk | 1.3617 | 0.05257 | 141 | 101 | 29 | 11 |
832 | It was "Sooooo Big" | 1.3617 | 0.04856 | 141 | 97 | 37 | 7 |
833 | We call the President’s star witness, your honor. | 1.3617 | 0.05257 | 141 | 101 | 29 | 11 |
834 | Innocent Mr. Bear? Then how do you explain the purple lint found in your paws the night stuffed Barney disappeared? | 1.3613 | 0.04834 | 155 | 109 | 36 | 10 |
835 | All I'm saying is that it wasn't Goldilocks and the one bear! | 1.3611 | 0.05084 | 144 | 102 | 32 | 10 |
836 | Your honor, this witness has been sleeping with the defendant | 1.3608 | 0.04770 | 158 | 111 | 37 | 10 |
837 | He's claiming it's a Kanga and Roo court. | 1.3605 | 0.05011 | 147 | 104 | 33 | 10 |
838 | Your Honor, this witness is incapable of telling the truth. | 1.3605 | 0.04917 | 147 | 103 | 35 | 9 |
839 | If you want to get cute with me, I'll pull your string and make you talk. | 1.3605 | 0.04917 | 147 | 103 | 35 | 9 |
840 | Your honor, may I approach the witness for a hug? | 1.3605 | 0.04917 | 147 | 103 | 35 | 9 |
841 | No, we can't swear you in on a copy of The House at Pooh Corner. | 1.3605 | 0.05011 | 147 | 104 | 33 | 10 |
842 | But she slept in my bed,she slept in all of our beds! | 1.3605 | 0.05283 | 147 | 107 | 27 | 13 |
843 | Do you expect this jury to believe, Teddy Chandler, it was not you but some gorgeous golden-haired dame who just happened to walk into your life and then left behind the empty porridge bowl and broken chair? | 1.3605 | 0.05194 | 147 | 106 | 29 | 12 |
844 | OK, what did you do with Tigger? | 1.3600 | 0.04941 | 150 | 106 | 34 | 10 |
845 | Isn't it true that you were given a new identity and entered into the Witness Protection Program for your testimony? | 1.3597 | 0.05207 | 139 | 99 | 30 | 10 |
846 | Your Honor, if my client doesn't have the right to bear arms, who does?! | 1.3597 | 0.04898 | 139 | 96 | 36 | 7 |
847 | Your Honor, my client is only a flight risk if you believe in Santa Claus. | 1.3597 | 0.05207 | 139 | 99 | 30 | 10 |
848 | Move on with your cross please, we all know Fuzzy Wuzzy isn't very fuzzy. | 1.3597 | 0.05003 | 139 | 97 | 34 | 8 |
849 | How long have you believed in your right to bear arms? | 1.3597 | 0.04790 | 139 | 95 | 38 | 6 |
850 | If she pulls the string, she'll be accused of leading the witness. | 1.3597 | 0.04898 | 139 | 96 | 36 | 7 |
851 | And what did you do after Big Teddy and the Bad News Bears threatened to beat the stuffing out of you? | 1.3597 | 0.04898 | 139 | 96 | 36 | 7 |
852 | I ask that the word ‘Pooh’ be stricken from the record. | 1.3595 | 0.04693 | 153 | 106 | 39 | 8 |
853 | Is it true, Mr. Bear, that you’ve spent every night with the defendant since she was born? | 1.3595 | 0.04693 | 153 | 106 | 39 | 8 |
854 | Are you saying the big, scary monster was only that big. | 1.3592 | 0.05130 | 142 | 101 | 31 | 10 |
855 | Thirteen years, Your Honor! Thirteen years, then abandoned! It’s only right that my client be granted palimony! | 1.3592 | 0.05130 | 142 | 101 | 31 | 10 |
856 | I know it’s been no picnic for you... | 1.3592 | 0.04724 | 142 | 97 | 39 | 6 |
857 | And how long have you known Mr. Robin? | 1.3592 | 0.05226 | 142 | 102 | 29 | 11 |
858 | Your honor my client insists on blankie immunity. | 1.3592 | 0.05130 | 142 | 101 | 31 | 10 |
859 | Now Mr Bear, please exhibit to the jury where Mr Giuliani touched you | 1.3592 | 0.05130 | 142 | 101 | 31 | 10 |
860 | and you say you had a permit for this ‘Teddy Bears Picnic’ | 1.3592 | 0.04829 | 142 | 98 | 37 | 7 |
861 | And so your honor, our stuffing expert has successfully demonstrated that there is no evidence of voter fraud this election | 1.3590 | 0.05299 | 156 | 116 | 24 | 16 |
862 | And you say the child forced you to sleep with him EVERY night? | 1.3586 | 0.04959 | 145 | 102 | 34 | 9 |
863 | Your Honor. I would like to excuse this witness because it is nap time for his owner. | 1.3586 | 0.04959 | 145 | 102 | 34 | 9 |
864 | Your honor may consider my line of questioning to be badgering, however, whether this witness does or does not perform that activity “in the woods” is key to my case. | 1.3586 | 0.05055 | 145 | 103 | 32 | 10 |
865 | I am the victim of a honey trap | 1.3586 | 0.04862 | 145 | 101 | 36 | 8 |
866 | Objection, Your Honor--the confession was squeezed out of him.” | 1.3585 | 0.04661 | 159 | 111 | 39 | 9 |
867 | Just the bear facts please | 1.3582 | 0.05125 | 134 | 94 | 32 | 8 |
868 | Permission to treat the witness as textile? | 1.3581 | 0.04890 | 148 | 104 | 35 | 9 |
869 | Your honor, may I treat the witness as hostile? | 1.3581 | 0.04795 | 148 | 103 | 37 | 8 |
870 | Are you trying to tell the jury that Goldilocks chair was already broken? | 1.3580 | 0.06645 | 81 | 57 | 19 | 5 |
871 | As an expert witness, please assess the prevailing family dynamic. | 1.3577 | 0.04940 | 137 | 95 | 35 | 7 |
872 | If you’re not guilty, just say so. Your lawyer can’t pull your string any more. | 1.3577 | 0.05048 | 137 | 96 | 33 | 8 |
873 | Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t really fuzzy, Was he? | 1.3576 | 0.04914 | 151 | 107 | 34 | 10 |
874 | You think your being cute, don't you. | 1.3571 | 0.04623 | 154 | 109 | 36 | 9 |
875 | The defendant claims he did NOT behave like a "real animal." | 1.3571 | 0.04763 | 140 | 96 | 38 | 6 |
876 | My client has a constitutional right to bear arms. | 1.3571 | 0.05076 | 140 | 99 | 32 | 9 |
877 | And in conclusion, my client could not have pushed Jimmy because he is an inanimate object. | 1.3571 | 0.04974 | 140 | 98 | 34 | 8 |
878 | Your Honor, I request a short recess so that I may snuggle with my client. | 1.3571 | 0.05076 | 140 | 99 | 32 | 9 |
879 | Permission to press the witness's belly so he can talk, Your Honor. | 1.3571 | 0.04542 | 140 | 94 | 42 | 4 |
880 | You can't just throw up your hands. Answer my question! | 1.3571 | 0.04763 | 140 | 96 | 38 | 6 |
881 | Your honor, please instruct the witness to stop gesticulating every time I ask a question. | 1.3571 | 0.04974 | 140 | 98 | 34 | 8 |
882 | Teddy Bear? Paddington Bear? Even a child knows it is a critical difference, Your Honor." | 1.3571 | 0.05176 | 140 | 100 | 30 | 10 |
883 | Your Honor, my client didn't remove the "do not remove tag" from himself. | 1.3571 | 0.05275 | 140 | 101 | 28 | 11 |
884 | Our client asserts that the defendant trespassed into their house, ate their food, broke their chair and was found lying in their bed. A grizzly crime indeed your Honour! | 1.3571 | 0.05371 | 140 | 102 | 26 | 12 |
885 | Your honor, our defense hinges on the right to arm bears. | 1.3571 | 0.05076 | 140 | 99 | 32 | 9 |
886 | Show us where the bad kid touched you. | 1.3566 | 0.05195 | 143 | 103 | 29 | 11 |
887 | Your Honor, I will not be toyed with. | 1.3562 | 0.05119 | 146 | 105 | 30 | 11 |
888 | You are telling me she tried to squeeze you to death? | 1.3562 | 0.04736 | 146 | 101 | 38 | 7 |
889 | He is here to bear witness, your honor. | 1.3562 | 0.04318 | 146 | 97 | 46 | 3 |
890 | The entire morning session was consumed with the issue of whether raising both hands constitutes "raising your right hand". Consequently, the issue of whether the witness competence was deferred to the afternoon calendar. | 1.3562 | 0.05026 | 146 | 104 | 32 | 10 |
891 | Now...Mr. Teddy is comfy and ready to testify. | 1.3562 | 0.05211 | 146 | 106 | 28 | 12 |
892 | Hibernation is not a legal defense, your Honor. | 1.3562 | 0.04835 | 146 | 102 | 36 | 8 |
893 | Just because he was in the room where it happened, does not make him a useful witness. | 1.3562 | 0.04635 | 146 | 100 | 40 | 6 |
894 | Request permission to treat the witness as cuddly, your honor | 1.3557 | 0.04769 | 149 | 104 | 37 | 8 |
895 | Your honor, my client's alibi has been cleared with Lambchop, Barbie, and several others tea party attendees. | 1.3557 | 0.04863 | 149 | 105 | 35 | 9 |
896 | Could you describe for the court this bowl of porridge that you say went missing? | 1.3557 | 0.04267 | 149 | 99 | 47 | 3 |
897 | I’t’s ‘Theodore’ and not ‘Teddy”, is it not? I remind you you’re still under oath. | 1.3556 | 0.05201 | 135 | 96 | 30 | 9 |
898 | Your Honor,permission to treat the witness as cute? | 1.3556 | 0.05409 | 135 | 98 | 26 | 11 |
899 | Just your right hand. Just. Your. Right. Hand. | 1.3556 | 0.05306 | 135 | 97 | 28 | 10 |
900 | You can call me Teddy | 1.3556 | 0.05306 | 135 | 97 | 28 | 10 |
901 | Let me guess..you're here to bear witness. | 1.3553 | 0.04975 | 152 | 109 | 32 | 11 |
902 | The material witness is 20% polyester blend and 80% cotton, your Honor. | 1.3551 | 0.04802 | 138 | 95 | 37 | 6 |
903 | Not to lead the witness, but Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? | 1.3551 | 0.05224 | 138 | 99 | 29 | 10 |
904 | My client is innocent of all bed wetting charges. The Defense calls Betsy Wetsy to the stand. | 1.3551 | 0.05173 | 138 | 101 | 26 | 11 |
905 | Your Honor, Mr. Bickles would like to plead the Fluff. | 1.3551 | 0.05224 | 138 | 99 | 29 | 10 |
906 | Your honor, my memory is a little bit fuzzy.... | 1.3551 | 0.04911 | 138 | 96 | 35 | 7 |
907 | where was the bear cam installed? | 1.3551 | 0.05224 | 138 | 99 | 29 | 10 |
908 | So Mr Cuddles, you say that you were gift from Mr Putin. But I want to know, have you been laundered? | 1.3546 | 0.05339 | 141 | 103 | 26 | 12 |
909 | Permission to treat the witness as hostile but cuddly, Your Honor | 1.3546 | 0.04736 | 141 | 97 | 38 | 6 |
910 | Your honor, if the witness refuses to answer, permission to pull his drawstring? | 1.3546 | 0.05339 | 141 | 103 | 26 | 12 |
911 | His silence confirms the voting fraud your Honor! | 1.3546 | 0.05243 | 141 | 102 | 28 | 11 |
912 | Please tell your client to answer the question. The court does not have a nap time. | 1.3542 | 0.04974 | 144 | 102 | 33 | 9 |
913 | The plaintiffs Paddington, Fozzie, Yogi, Smokey, Rupert, and the Berenstains are all Bears. Winnie, on the other hand, is a Pooh. | 1.3538 | 0.05222 | 130 | 92 | 30 | 8 |
914 | If it please the court, may I take the defendant home? | 1.3538 | 0.04988 | 130 | 90 | 34 | 6 |
915 | No, I do not want a hug. I want the truth! | 1.3537 | 0.04904 | 147 | 104 | 34 | 9 |
916 | How do you respond to the accusation that it was not five year old Danny; but in fact you who wet the bed, Mr. Snuggles? | 1.3537 | 0.05270 | 147 | 108 | 26 | 13 |
917 | Admit it...you're a softened criminal. | 1.3534 | 0.05250 | 133 | 95 | 29 | 9 |
918 | Permission requested to rip the stuffing out of this witness, Your Honor. | 1.3534 | 0.05358 | 133 | 96 | 27 | 10 |
919 | He didn’t steal candy, your honor. He was already stuffed. | 1.3534 | 0.05358 | 133 | 96 | 27 | 10 |
920 | Hostile witness? I don't think so, counselor. | 1.3534 | 0.05028 | 133 | 93 | 33 | 7 |
921 | Your Honor, I move to strike. The witness is pandering to the jury. | 1.3534 | 0.04914 | 133 | 92 | 35 | 6 |
922 | We asked the defendant to provide someone who could bear witness, not a “bear witness.” | 1.3534 | 0.05028 | 133 | 93 | 33 | 7 |
923 | Exactly what transpired in The Hundred Acre Woods on that blustery day? | 1.3534 | 0.04797 | 133 | 91 | 37 | 5 |
924 | So when did you suspect little Billy Madison was cheating on you. | 1.3529 | 0.05476 | 136 | 100 | 24 | 12 |
925 | Your Honor, let the record show that this witness is simply adorable. | 1.3529 | 0.04843 | 136 | 94 | 36 | 6 |
926 | I must recuse myself your honor, I've slept with this witness. | 1.3529 | 0.05169 | 136 | 97 | 30 | 9 |
927 | Just a few more questions and the witness can go to his picnic. | 1.3529 | 0.04843 | 136 | 94 | 36 | 6 |
928 | Isn't it true that your real name is Theodore? | 1.3529 | 0.05063 | 136 | 96 | 32 | 8 |
929 | So you deny removing all the stuffing from Floppy Bunny in a fit of jealous rage? | 1.3529 | 0.05063 | 136 | 96 | 32 | 8 |
930 | Bear - Child privilege is not a real thing. Answer the question! | 1.3529 | 0.04954 | 136 | 95 | 34 | 7 |
931 | I will not hug you. Answer the question. | 1.3529 | 0.05063 | 136 | 96 | 32 | 8 |
932 | Your honor, my client would like to petition for habeas ursus. | 1.3529 | 0.05063 | 136 | 96 | 32 | 8 |
933 | Sometimes they forget I’m there, but I see everything. | 1.3529 | 0.05063 | 136 | 96 | 32 | 8 |
934 | So you’re saying, Mr. Ted, that you’ve been a guest in the Whitehouse for 4 straight years? | 1.3525 | 0.05193 | 139 | 100 | 29 | 10 |
935 | That's all he wanted to be your honor, your Teddy Bear | 1.3525 | 0.05092 | 139 | 99 | 31 | 9 |
936 | You're saying the porridge was too hot? | 1.3525 | 0.05193 | 139 | 100 | 29 | 10 |
937 | Now tell me sir, do you see such a blankie in this courtroom?" | 1.3525 | 0.05092 | 139 | 99 | 31 | 9 |
938 | He’ll only swear on a Steiff catalog.” | 1.3525 | 0.05092 | 139 | 99 | 31 | 9 |
939 | Five-minute recess, Your Honor? To alk-tay with my ient-clay. | 1.3525 | 0.05092 | 139 | 99 | 31 | 9 |
940 | Very well, we will hear from our only witness as to fraudulent votes. | 1.3521 | 0.05307 | 142 | 104 | 26 | 12 |
941 | Don’t get cute with me mister Bear | 1.3521 | 0.05307 | 142 | 104 | 26 | 12 |
942 | He says that you're being a meany-pants. | 1.3517 | 0.04945 | 145 | 103 | 33 | 9 |
943 | And what is your occupation? | 1.3517 | 0.05135 | 145 | 105 | 29 | 11 |
944 | Your Honor, please instruct the witness to answer the question. | 1.3511 | 0.05074 | 131 | 92 | 32 | 7 |
945 | You can't tell me there wasn't a moment when you thought to yourself, "I can't just sit here and do nothing." | 1.3511 | 0.04837 | 131 | 90 | 36 | 5 |
946 | But he wasn't REALLY fuzzy - was he! | 1.3511 | 0.05189 | 131 | 93 | 30 | 8 |
947 | Put your hands down. I ask the questions here. | 1.3510 | 0.04901 | 151 | 108 | 33 | 10 |
948 | We found her unaccompanied at the border. | 1.3507 | 0.05217 | 134 | 96 | 29 | 9 |
949 | If the defendant is cute, you must prosecute | 1.3507 | 0.05109 | 134 | 95 | 31 | 8 |
950 | Tread lightly counselor, the mother bear is seated in the courtroom. | 1.3507 | 0.05109 | 134 | 95 | 31 | 8 |
951 | Show us on yourself where he touched you. | 1.3507 | 0.05109 | 134 | 95 | 31 | 8 |
952 | No, your other, other right. | 1.3507 | 0.04998 | 134 | 94 | 33 | 7 |
953 | Are those stitches a direct result of the assault? | 1.3507 | 0.04768 | 134 | 92 | 37 | 5 |
954 | Isn't it true that your insane jealousy drove you to murder the baby yoda plush toy? | 1.3507 | 0.05217 | 134 | 96 | 29 | 9 |
955 | Aha! So your real name is Theodore! | 1.3507 | 0.04526 | 134 | 90 | 41 | 3 |
956 | The notorious Teddy Bundy | 1.3507 | 0.04768 | 134 | 92 | 37 | 5 |
957 | In which dumpster did you find these ballots, Mr Bear? | 1.3507 | 0.04998 | 134 | 94 | 33 | 7 |
958 | I understand, your honor, but he was in the room where it happened. | 1.3504 | 0.05138 | 137 | 98 | 30 | 9 |
959 | Can you show us on yourself where he touched you? | 1.3504 | 0.05032 | 137 | 97 | 32 | 8 |
960 | That wasn’t all that went on during that picnic was it Mr. Teddy. | 1.3504 | 0.04924 | 137 | 96 | 34 | 7 |
961 | Do you solemnly swear that every bear that ever there was, was gathered there for certain on the day of the picnic? | 1.3504 | 0.04586 | 137 | 93 | 40 | 4 |
962 | You can't toy with a witness in my court ! | 1.3504 | 0.05138 | 137 | 98 | 30 | 9 |
963 | Sidebear, your honor? | 1.3504 | 0.05138 | 137 | 98 | 30 | 9 |
964 | Ted, you only need to raise one hand to swear to the truth. | 1.3504 | 0.04701 | 137 | 94 | 38 | 5 |
965 | Tell me, Mr. Bear. Who exactly did you see abscond with Trixie's tooth and replace it with a measly quarter? Was it the "Tooth Fairy" or....HER FATHER? | 1.3504 | 0.05442 | 137 | 101 | 24 | 12 |
966 | And at this picnic, did you gaily gad about? | 1.3504 | 0.05138 | 137 | 98 | 30 | 9 |
967 | Your Honor, I' d like to call to the stand...... Tickle Me Elmo. | 1.3504 | 0.05138 | 137 | 98 | 30 | 9 |
968 | The kangaroo court is across the hall. | 1.3504 | 0.05241 | 137 | 99 | 28 | 10 |
969 | Council, Overruled. I’m going to allow your client to bear witness. “ | 1.3504 | 0.05032 | 137 | 97 | 32 | 8 |
970 | Tell us in your own words, what you were made to do in Family Guy | 1.3504 | 0.05032 | 137 | 97 | 32 | 8 |
971 | ...so you see, Your Honor, this bears witness to the disastrous consequences of confusing plurals and possessives by the Defendant... | 1.3500 | 0.05357 | 140 | 103 | 25 | 12 |
972 | Quite frankly, your honour, the witness can get stuffed. | 1.3500 | 0.05162 | 140 | 101 | 29 | 10 |
973 | Admit it. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? | 1.3497 | 0.04888 | 143 | 101 | 34 | 8 |
974 | Your honor, I would like to report that the prosecutor has been sleeping with the witness | 1.3490 | 0.04942 | 149 | 107 | 32 | 10 |
975 | He doesn’t have a defense. Goldilocks was ruining his life. | 1.3488 | 0.05464 | 129 | 94 | 25 | 10 |
976 | So, whose bed were you in the night in question? | 1.3488 | 0.04753 | 129 | 88 | 37 | 4 |
977 | Do you think we can believe his alibi? He says he was at a picnic. | 1.3488 | 0.05121 | 129 | 91 | 31 | 7 |
978 | Can you tell us where you were on the morning of December 25th? | 1.3488 | 0.04753 | 129 | 88 | 37 | 4 |
979 | The court will please note that the witness’ refusal to answer is deemed hostile despite his apparent cuddly nature. | 1.3485 | 0.05156 | 132 | 94 | 30 | 8 |
980 | Tell me Bear, just how big was that hug? | 1.3485 | 0.04927 | 132 | 92 | 34 | 6 |
981 | So I find this half crazy girl wearing a goofy red cape passed out in my bed!” “What’s an angry bear to do? | 1.3485 | 0.05587 | 132 | 98 | 22 | 12 |
982 | If I pull some strings, then he'll talk. | 1.3481 | 0.05185 | 135 | 97 | 29 | 9 |
983 | Sidebar, if it pleases the court, “Where were you on the night all the barbies went missing? | 1.3481 | 0.05496 | 135 | 100 | 23 | 12 |
984 | Your honor, the prosecution’s star witness is a teddy bear. What kind of kangaroo court are we running here? | 1.3481 | 0.04967 | 135 | 95 | 33 | 7 |
985 | And when were you first bothered by seeing Mandie spending more time with the giraffe than with you? | 1.3481 | 0.05185 | 135 | 97 | 29 | 9 |
986 | As you can see your honor, the defendant and the plaintiff haven’t slept together in years. | 1.3481 | 0.04967 | 135 | 95 | 33 | 7 |
987 | You expect the jury to believe that you were on the shelf all night? | 1.3481 | 0.04967 | 135 | 95 | 33 | 7 |
988 | Objection, your Honor: bearing false witness. | 1.3481 | 0.05291 | 135 | 98 | 27 | 10 |
989 | Your Honor, Ted has talked enough. | 1.3481 | 0.05077 | 135 | 96 | 31 | 8 |
990 | your honor, the defendant would like to request his blanket | 1.3481 | 0.05291 | 135 | 98 | 27 | 10 |
991 | : I object to the prosecution knocking the stuffing out of this witness, your honor. | 1.3481 | 0.04967 | 135 | 95 | 33 | 7 |
992 | Your Honor. the seat is too hard for my client | 1.3478 | 0.05002 | 138 | 98 | 32 | 8 |
993 | Isn’t it also true, Mr Bear, that you witnessed the Defendant on TikTok when she was supposed to be studying Geography? | 1.3478 | 0.05310 | 138 | 101 | 26 | 11 |
994 | Permission to cuddle with the witness, Your Honor? | 1.3478 | 0.05209 | 138 | 100 | 28 | 10 |
995 | Permission to approach and hug the witness? | 1.3478 | 0.05209 | 138 | 100 | 28 | 10 |
996 | Under State vs Ruxpin, Teddy disavows his previous testimony on the grounds that it was pre-recorded at the factory... | 1.3478 | 0.05107 | 138 | 99 | 30 | 9 |
997 | Bear with my client Your Honor, 2020 really beat the stuffing out of him. | 1.3478 | 0.05209 | 138 | 100 | 28 | 10 |
998 | Your honor – do I really have to address him as Fuzzy Wuzzy? | 1.3475 | 0.05031 | 141 | 101 | 31 | 9 |
999 | Just the bear facts, Sir | 1.3472 | 0.05151 | 144 | 105 | 28 | 11 |
1000 | Are you or are you NOT made of sustainably sourced materials??? | 1.3472 | 0.04759 | 144 | 101 | 36 | 7 |
1001 | Objection sustained. That's not what "bear witness" means. | 1.3465 | 0.05289 | 127 | 91 | 28 | 8 |
1002 | The witness will require an interpreter, Your Honor. | 1.3462 | 0.05089 | 130 | 92 | 31 | 7 |
1003 | Your Honor, when I said 'bear witness', this is not what I meant | 1.3462 | 0.05089 | 130 | 92 | 31 | 7 |
1004 | I want to treat him as a hostile witness, but geez. | 1.3462 | 0.05429 | 130 | 95 | 25 | 10 |
1005 | How long had you been sleeping with the victim? | 1.3462 | 0.04849 | 130 | 90 | 35 | 5 |
1006 | He threatened to beat the stuffing out of me! | 1.3462 | 0.04849 | 130 | 90 | 35 | 5 |
1007 | Your Honor, my client was at the scene of the crime but did not personally steal any cookies. | 1.3462 | 0.05644 | 130 | 97 | 21 | 12 |
1008 | Where were you on the night of December 24th? | 1.3462 | 0.04970 | 130 | 91 | 33 | 6 |
1009 | That’s when he knocked the stuffing out of me! | 1.3462 | 0.04849 | 130 | 90 | 35 | 5 |
1010 | Your honor, I request permission to treat the witness as soft and snuggly." | 1.3462 | 0.05089 | 130 | 92 | 31 | 7 |
1011 | So your testimony is that you were merely trying the bed on for size when she attacked you. | 1.3462 | 0.04970 | 130 | 91 | 33 | 6 |
1012 | ...and he wuz never fuzzy, wuzz he?!! | 1.3462 | 0.05204 | 130 | 93 | 29 | 8 |
1013 | Your honor, the defense rests... comfortably | 1.3459 | 0.04658 | 133 | 91 | 38 | 4 |
1014 | Was there any doubt in your mind it was bedtime? | 1.3459 | 0.04779 | 133 | 92 | 36 | 5 |
1015 | The defense requests a twenty minute nap, your Honor. | 1.3459 | 0.05011 | 133 | 94 | 32 | 7 |
1016 | Permission to treat this witness as hostile your honour? | 1.3459 | 0.05011 | 133 | 94 | 32 | 7 |
1017 | For the record, Mr. CuddlyWump, who are you protecting? | 1.3459 | 0.05124 | 133 | 95 | 30 | 8 |
1018 | sooooo mr. pooh pleease explain to this court your lifestyle and exactly what it is that you do all day in the place you call the hundred acre wood. | 1.3459 | 0.05234 | 133 | 96 | 28 | 9 |
1019 | Do you mean to say you were NOT sleeping with the accused on the night in question? | 1.3459 | 0.05011 | 133 | 94 | 32 | 7 |
1020 | Your Honor, does the Court have a Bear to English interpreter? | 1.3459 | 0.05234 | 133 | 96 | 28 | 9 |
1021 | Well, this is awkward. | 1.3459 | 0.05124 | 133 | 95 | 30 | 8 |
1022 | On the night of the meltdown, where were you at bedtime? | 1.3458 | 0.05329 | 107 | 74 | 29 | 4 |
1023 | ... and do you see the dog that did that to you in the courtroom today, Teddy? | 1.3456 | 0.04937 | 136 | 96 | 33 | 7 |
1024 | I’d like to request a brief hibernation period for my client, your honor. | 1.3456 | 0.04937 | 136 | 96 | 33 | 7 |
1025 | In considering the Supreme Court's ruling in the Puff the Magic Dragon vs Little Jacky Paper case, Teddy, here, can't succesfully sue for abandonment; my client is 85 years old. These things just happen. | 1.3456 | 0.05046 | 136 | 97 | 31 | 8 |
1026 | We have to move the mic closer. I can't hear a word he's saying. | 1.3456 | 0.05461 | 136 | 101 | 23 | 12 |
1027 | You think that's what "bear witness" means? | 1.3456 | 0.04937 | 136 | 96 | 33 | 7 |
1028 | Mr. President, I’m going to need you to answer the question. | 1.3456 | 0.05360 | 136 | 100 | 25 | 11 |
1029 | Did the defendant drag you by the ear? | 1.3451 | 0.04798 | 142 | 100 | 35 | 7 |
1030 | What do you mean I can't treat the witness as hostile? | 1.3440 | 0.05218 | 125 | 89 | 29 | 7 |
1031 | Your Honor, please tell the witness to stop shrugging and answer the question. | 1.3440 | 0.04965 | 125 | 87 | 33 | 5 |
1032 | Pleading the 5th is only meaningful if you can talk. | 1.3440 | 0.05341 | 125 | 90 | 27 | 8 |
1033 | Your honor, permission to ask this bear witness what he bore witness to? | 1.3440 | 0.05218 | 125 | 89 | 29 | 7 |
1034 | But your Honor, without his right to bear arms, he would have no arms at all!" | 1.3440 | 0.05218 | 125 | 89 | 29 | 7 |
1035 | I most certainly do not need a hug, sir. | 1.3440 | 0.05460 | 125 | 91 | 25 | 9 |
1036 | Wipe that smile off your snout. Admit it, you're stuffed with ballots voting for Trump! | 1.3440 | 0.05691 | 125 | 93 | 21 | 11 |
1037 | I’ll remind the prosecution once again that ‘stuffed’ is considered a prejudicial term. | 1.3438 | 0.05254 | 128 | 92 | 28 | 8 |
1038 | No nicknames. Is your proper name Theodore? | 1.3438 | 0.04763 | 128 | 88 | 36 | 4 |
1039 | Who told you this would be a picnic? | 1.3438 | 0.04890 | 128 | 89 | 34 | 5 |
1040 | And is it your testimony that that is the position you assumed when the officers pulled you over? | 1.3438 | 0.05254 | 128 | 92 | 28 | 8 |
1041 | I feel uncomfortable accepting a testimony from a witness who swore on a copy of Goodnight Moon. | 1.3438 | 0.04953 | 128 | 92 | 29 | 7 |
1042 | I will not warn you again Counsel, do not cuddle the witness. | 1.3438 | 0.06075 | 96 | 69 | 21 | 6 |
1043 | So exactly how much comforting did you actually do in 2020? | 1.3438 | 0.05014 | 128 | 90 | 32 | 6 |
1044 | Did you or did you not, fall out of the bed leaving the defendant to sleep by himself? | 1.3438 | 0.05254 | 128 | 92 | 28 | 8 |
1045 | Your Honor, he says he won't talk until the bailiff plays a lullaby. | 1.3435 | 0.05171 | 131 | 94 | 29 | 8 |
1046 | She says you have right to remain silent. | 1.3435 | 0.05056 | 131 | 93 | 31 | 7 |
1047 | Oh man. I am way too over-koalafied for this job. | 1.3435 | 0.05501 | 131 | 97 | 23 | 11 |
1048 | Your honour, the witness is requesting a short recess for ‘snuggles’ | 1.3435 | 0.04632 | 131 | 92 | 34 | 5 |
1049 | And you felt no shame being indiscriminately cuddled by just about anybody? | 1.3433 | 0.04867 | 134 | 94 | 34 | 6 |
1050 | Your honor, I must invoke the Toy Story accommodation. Teddy will not testify with humans present. | 1.3433 | 0.05092 | 134 | 96 | 30 | 8 |
1051 | You honor, my client would be grateful if we could agree on a simple battery charge. | 1.3433 | 0.04981 | 134 | 95 | 32 | 7 |
1052 | Your honor, is this a Calvin and Hobbes thing? | 1.3433 | 0.05201 | 134 | 97 | 28 | 9 |
1053 | I would ask that the court instruct the jury to ignore the fact that the witness is so adorable. | 1.3433 | 0.04981 | 134 | 95 | 32 | 7 |
1054 | You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve witnessed | 1.3433 | 0.04981 | 134 | 95 | 32 | 7 |
1055 | You heard the judge Ted, talk! | 1.3431 | 0.05016 | 137 | 98 | 31 | 8 |
1056 | So you admit to choking the victim with your bear hands? | 1.3431 | 0.05122 | 137 | 99 | 29 | 9 |
1057 | I only voted ‘this’ many times | 1.3431 | 0.05225 | 137 | 100 | 27 | 10 |
1058 | Don’t try to look so innocent. | 1.3429 | 0.04943 | 140 | 100 | 32 | 8 |
1059 | Counsel, the right to the bearing of arms is not the legal equivalent to the arming of bears. | 1.3426 | 0.05607 | 108 | 77 | 25 | 6 |
1060 | Can you show us where the defendant touched you? | 1.3413 | 0.05184 | 126 | 90 | 29 | 7 |
1061 | I choose to exercise my right to remain silent. | 1.3413 | 0.05184 | 126 | 90 | 29 | 7 |
1062 | The defense seeks only in justice, Your Honor. Soft, cuddly justice. | 1.3413 | 0.05305 | 126 | 91 | 27 | 8 |
1063 | Your honor, he is not as innocent and snuggly as he seems. | 1.3413 | 0.04933 | 126 | 88 | 33 | 5 |
1064 | Where I touched you is NOT pertinent to your testimony in this case. | 1.3413 | 0.05060 | 126 | 89 | 31 | 6 |
1065 | Answer the question. Did you sleep with her? | 1.3413 | 0.04802 | 126 | 87 | 35 | 4 |
1066 | Describe to the jury your whereabouts on or around the date of the disappearance of Mr. Potatohead. | 1.3413 | 0.05184 | 126 | 90 | 29 | 7 |
1067 | Sustained. Personal nursery questions not relevant. | 1.3413 | 0.05423 | 126 | 92 | 25 | 9 |
1068 | Motion for dismissal of the abandonment charge. My client went to college and Mr. Snuffles would not have been welcome. | 1.3411 | 0.05103 | 129 | 92 | 30 | 7 |
1069 | Have you ever been involved with Christopher Robin? | 1.3411 | 0.05103 | 129 | 92 | 30 | 7 |
1070 | Frankly, Your Honor, I'm surprised that no one's tried to knock the stuffing out of him before. | 1.3411 | 0.05335 | 129 | 94 | 26 | 9 |
1071 | And so even though you clearly said “no” the defendant continued to cuddle you? | 1.3411 | 0.04983 | 129 | 91 | 32 | 6 |
1072 | And what happened after she ate your porridge? | 1.3411 | 0.05103 | 129 | 92 | 30 | 7 |
1073 | Your Honor, permission to cuddle the witness? It’s been a rough year. | 1.3411 | 0.05103 | 129 | 92 | 30 | 7 |
1074 | Oh my God. Ted, is that you?? It’s Janet! Remember, from middle school? | 1.3411 | 0.05335 | 129 | 94 | 26 | 9 |
1075 | The Justice Department said they’d send the President to testify. | 1.3409 | 0.05466 | 132 | 98 | 23 | 11 |
1076 | And exactly where was this picnic? | 1.3409 | 0.05250 | 132 | 96 | 27 | 9 |
1077 | Would you mind speaking into the mic, please? | 1.3409 | 0.05139 | 132 | 95 | 29 | 8 |
1078 | I’d like some nap time with the witness, your honor. | 1.3409 | 0.04789 | 132 | 92 | 35 | 5 |
1079 | I can't treat this witness as hostile. | 1.3409 | 0.04789 | 132 | 92 | 35 | 5 |
1080 | So explain to the jury how it was your fingerprints happened to be on the honey jar. | 1.3409 | 0.05025 | 132 | 94 | 31 | 7 |
1081 | I'm sorry, your honor. No matter how hard I try, I can't treat this witness as hostile. | 1.3407 | 0.05169 | 135 | 98 | 28 | 9 |
1082 | The jury would like to be sequestered with the witness.” | 1.3407 | 0.05060 | 135 | 97 | 30 | 8 |
1083 | Your honor, I believe the witnesses fear for his life if he testifies is justified. I'd like to hug the stuffing out of him, myself. | 1.3407 | 0.05060 | 135 | 97 | 30 | 8 |
1084 | Your Honor, I move to strike this witness as unbearable. | 1.3407 | 0.05006 | 135 | 99 | 27 | 9 |
1085 | Your honor, let the record show that the witness is changing his bedtime story! | 1.3407 | 0.04950 | 135 | 96 | 32 | 7 |
1086 | This is taking the right to remain silent too far. | 1.3398 | 0.05943 | 103 | 75 | 21 | 7 |
1087 | Is it your testimony that cuteness is not a crime? | 1.3396 | 0.05509 | 106 | 75 | 26 | 5 |
1088 | Do you believe that your time undercover caused you to emotionally regress into a child-like state? | 1.3387 | 0.05357 | 124 | 90 | 26 | 8 |
1089 | Let the record show, the witness has declined a lunch recess, because he is “stuffed.” | 1.3387 | 0.05233 | 124 | 89 | 28 | 7 |
1090 | Did you or did you not fly here during the travel ban from China? | 1.3387 | 0.05107 | 124 | 88 | 30 | 6 |
1091 | Your Honor, the defendent claims he was not at dinner that fateful night, as he is always stuffed. | 1.3387 | 0.04977 | 124 | 87 | 32 | 5 |
1092 | He's our silent witness. | 1.3387 | 0.05107 | 124 | 88 | 30 | 6 |
1093 | Strictly speaking, your Honor, it’s a Steiff bear, not a Teddy bear. | 1.3387 | 0.04775 | 124 | 88 | 31 | 5 |
1094 | My client requests an adjournment as he is required at home for Timmy’s nap. | 1.3387 | 0.05107 | 124 | 88 | 30 | 6 |
1095 | My client represents to me that he was under the couch at the time the cookies were eaten. I would like to call Susie back to the stand. | 1.3387 | 0.04977 | 124 | 87 | 32 | 5 |
1096 | Your honor, I must recuse myself since I've been sleeping with the witness. DF | 1.3387 | 0.05357 | 124 | 90 | 26 | 8 |
1097 | And with the teddy bear, the defense rests.” | 1.3387 | 0.04977 | 124 | 87 | 32 | 5 |
1098 | And the defendant’s mommy claimed to be a surgeon before reattaching the limb? | 1.3387 | 0.05597 | 124 | 92 | 22 | 10 |
1099 | Your Honor, I’d like to now call Mr Christopher Robin to the stand. | 1.3387 | 0.04977 | 124 | 87 | 32 | 5 |
1100 | Taking the 5th is not going to save you. We found the mangled remains of Snoopy and Barbie covered in honey and stashed in the back of your cubby. | 1.3387 | 0.05107 | 124 | 88 | 30 | 6 |
1101 | Permission to approach and cuddle the witness your Honor? | 1.3387 | 0.05107 | 124 | 88 | 30 | 6 |
1102 | So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t even fuzzy, was he? | 1.3387 | 0.04977 | 124 | 87 | 32 | 5 |
1103 | Your honor, please instruct the witness to answer. | 1.3387 | 0.05597 | 124 | 92 | 22 | 10 |
1104 | your honour , so that we get a jury of his peers...we must ask to delay the trial until winter has passed. | 1.3386 | 0.05027 | 127 | 90 | 31 | 6 |
1105 | Your honor, requesting permission to squeeze the witness. | 1.3386 | 0.05270 | 127 | 92 | 27 | 8 |
1106 | I said, raise your right paw. | 1.3386 | 0.05150 | 127 | 91 | 29 | 7 |
1107 | In mitigation, my client maintains he has been the naïve victim of a honey trap, Your Honour. | 1.3386 | 0.05150 | 127 | 91 | 29 | 7 |
1108 | Judge Barrett faces her first case regarding the right to arm bears. | 1.3386 | 0.05270 | 127 | 92 | 27 | 8 |
1109 | Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you’ve clearly just listened to testimony made up of whole cloth. | 1.3386 | 0.05150 | 127 | 91 | 29 | 7 |
1110 | And now we have come to bear witness. | 1.3385 | 0.05070 | 130 | 93 | 30 | 7 |
1111 | Show me on the boy where he touched you. | 1.3385 | 0.05411 | 130 | 96 | 24 | 10 |
1112 | Explain to the jury exactly how you "snuggled" them to death. | 1.3385 | 0.04829 | 130 | 91 | 34 | 5 |
1113 | The accused beat the stuffing out of my client. | 1.3385 | 0.05070 | 130 | 93 | 30 | 7 |
1114 | Your honor, could you instruct the witness not to throw up his hands every time I ask a question? | 1.3385 | 0.05186 | 130 | 94 | 28 | 8 |
1115 | So, did you or did you not wet the bed? | 1.3385 | 0.05520 | 130 | 97 | 22 | 11 |
1116 | Thanks to a good night's sleep, your honor, our case rests. | 1.3385 | 0.05627 | 130 | 98 | 20 | 12 |
1117 | Permission to treat the witness as docile, your honor? | 1.3383 | 0.04639 | 133 | 92 | 37 | 4 |
1118 | And in Trumps defense we have called the ‘I Don’t Care Bear, Do You?’ to the stand | 1.3383 | 0.05431 | 133 | 99 | 23 | 11 |
1119 | Now, Teddy, can you point where the little girl touched you. | 1.3375 | 0.06400 | 80 | 57 | 19 | 4 |
1120 | Your Honor, may I approach the bench and press the button embedded in the witness’ stomach? | 1.3365 | 0.06051 | 104 | 77 | 19 | 8 |
1121 | When did you first become aware of bedbugs? | 1.3365 | 0.05734 | 104 | 75 | 23 | 6 |
1122 | "And where are your masks? | 1.3365 | 0.05569 | 104 | 74 | 25 | 5 |
1123 | Permission to refresh the witness's recollection since his memory of the events is fuzzy. | 1.3365 | 0.05895 | 104 | 76 | 21 | 7 |
1124 | Your cholesterol has tested high and Piglet is missing. What do you say for yourself? | 1.3365 | 0.05569 | 104 | 74 | 25 | 5 |
1125 | He pleads adorable. | 1.3361 | 0.05411 | 122 | 89 | 25 | 8 |
1126 | Goldilocks is how big, now? Really? | 1.3361 | 0.04885 | 122 | 85 | 33 | 4 |
1127 | But your honor, the defendant does not speak unless I push his buttons. | 1.3361 | 0.05155 | 122 | 87 | 29 | 6 |
1128 | Keep stonewalling and the kid gets life. Is that what you want? | 1.3361 | 0.05021 | 122 | 86 | 31 | 5 |
1129 | Was it true that Timmy was in bed at 7:30 pm as his mother instructed? | 1.3361 | 0.05284 | 122 | 88 | 27 | 7 |
1130 | Our defense is the right to arm bears. | 1.3361 | 0.05535 | 122 | 90 | 23 | 9 |
1131 | Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy. No, by gosh, he wasn’t, was he? | 1.3361 | 0.05155 | 122 | 87 | 29 | 6 |
1132 | I admit I did sit on that chair, drink that porridge and slept on that bed, your honor, but is all this really necessary? | 1.3361 | 0.05284 | 122 | 88 | 27 | 7 |
1133 | ‘Now, Teddy, please tell us what happened once you were put into the washing machine’ | 1.3361 | 0.05284 | 122 | 88 | 27 | 7 |
1134 | You honor, my client clearly does not bear any resemblance to the description | 1.3361 | 0.05284 | 122 | 88 | 27 | 7 |
1135 | Please let the record show Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. | 1.3360 | 0.05073 | 125 | 89 | 30 | 6 |
1136 | Let the record show the witness wants to be friends. | 1.3360 | 0.04944 | 125 | 88 | 32 | 5 |
1137 | I was in the woods. I didn't know it was illegal. | 1.3360 | 0.05073 | 125 | 89 | 30 | 6 |
1138 | Now I turn your attention to the picnic of April 13th last. | 1.3360 | 0.05073 | 125 | 89 | 30 | 6 |
1139 | You said it all started about night night time, could you be more specific? | 1.3360 | 0.04606 | 125 | 88 | 33 | 4 |
1140 | ...to answer for the charge of aiding the bedding | 1.3360 | 0.05441 | 125 | 92 | 24 | 9 |
1141 | Your Honor, his mouth is sewn shut. | 1.3360 | 0.05073 | 125 | 89 | 30 | 6 |
1142 | Your Honor , Id like to request a 2 hour snuggle session. | 1.3360 | 0.05073 | 125 | 89 | 30 | 6 |
1143 | Exactly what time did you leave the picnic? | 1.3360 | 0.04812 | 125 | 87 | 34 | 4 |
1144 | You’re now saying she was a brunette? | 1.3360 | 0.04944 | 125 | 88 | 32 | 5 |
1145 | "Am I--and the jury--to believe that the defendant, your guardian, took you by the leg, hauled you--head-first--down the front stoop, slammed your head against each step, and then tossed you over the railing? | 1.3360 | 0.05321 | 125 | 91 | 26 | 8 |
1146 | If you feel the witnesses' statement was unclear, I can always pull the string again. | 1.3360 | 0.05558 | 125 | 93 | 22 | 10 |
1147 | And what were you doing in her bedroom that night? | 1.3360 | 0.05073 | 125 | 89 | 30 | 6 |
1148 | I swear I didn't eat the porridge because I was stuffed. | 1.3359 | 0.05351 | 128 | 94 | 25 | 9 |
1149 | Starting to think law school wasn’t worth the investment | 1.3359 | 0.04870 | 128 | 90 | 33 | 5 |
1150 | He has been like this ever sense they told him he has the right to remain silent. | 1.3359 | 0.05116 | 128 | 92 | 29 | 7 |
1151 | You said bear witness." "I said, "Did anyone bear witness?'" ..."bear witness." ..."BEAR witness. | 1.3359 | 0.05235 | 128 | 93 | 27 | 8 |
1152 | So you expect the jury to believe you just because you’re cute cuddly and good in bed. | 1.3359 | 0.04870 | 128 | 90 | 33 | 5 |
1153 | Really? You're going to object to that face? | 1.3359 | 0.05116 | 128 | 92 | 29 | 7 |
1154 | And then they said, “Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic!” | 1.3359 | 0.05235 | 128 | 93 | 27 | 8 |
1155 | No, “bear false witness” was not sarcasm. | 1.3359 | 0.05038 | 131 | 94 | 30 | 7 |
1156 | Your honor, I object on the basis that this witness's testimony is a fairy tale. | 1.3359 | 0.05153 | 131 | 95 | 28 | 8 |
1157 | I object, your honor. We have already established that, due to his Button-Eyes-and-Kapok-Arms syndrome, the witness is literally not able to comply with your directive to lower his arms or "wipe that expression off his face." | 1.3359 | 0.05266 | 131 | 96 | 26 | 9 |
1158 | Your honor, the witness is a bear-faced liar. | 1.3358 | 0.05074 | 134 | 97 | 29 | 8 |
1159 | Your honor, I request that the witness wear amicus briefs as instructed. | 1.3333 | 0.05374 | 123 | 90 | 25 | 8 |
1160 | No further snuggly wugglies your honor. | 1.3333 | 0.04927 | 120 | 84 | 32 | 4 |
1161 | Your Honor, the defense argues a gag order is unnecessary for the witness because, well, his mouth is literally sewn shut | 1.3333 | 0.04852 | 123 | 86 | 33 | 4 |
1162 | Your Honor, please instruct the witness to stop being cute and just answer the question.... | 1.3333 | 0.04988 | 123 | 87 | 31 | 5 |
1163 | Your honor. Would please instruct the witness to stop looking so damn cute and answer the question? | 1.3333 | 0.05521 | 126 | 94 | 22 | 10 |
1164 | Permission to treat the witness as huggable? | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1165 | The defendant has no convictions, prior or otherwise.” | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1166 | As for this unwanted touching, did you ever explicitly give consent? | 1.3333 | 0.05374 | 123 | 90 | 25 | 8 |
1167 | The defense rests. | 1.3333 | 0.05285 | 126 | 92 | 26 | 8 |
1168 | And please describe to the court how the term crash test "dummy" makes you feel. | 1.3333 | 0.05225 | 126 | 94 | 23 | 9 |
1169 | Your Honor, let the record show that the witness refuses to answer the question. | 1.3333 | 0.05204 | 120 | 86 | 28 | 6 |
1170 | It's my support bear. What did you expect me to do; leave it at home? | 1.3333 | 0.05040 | 126 | 90 | 30 | 6 |
1171 | I swear it was self-defense. He almost beat the stuffing out of me. | 1.3333 | 0.05336 | 120 | 87 | 26 | 7 |
1172 | You knew it was illegal to be bear in public. | 1.3333 | 0.05067 | 120 | 85 | 30 | 5 |
1173 | OK, already, the defense has already stipulated the accused was up past her bedtime.... | 1.3333 | 0.04847 | 126 | 91 | 29 | 6 |
1174 | So, Winifred, may I call you Winnie? | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1175 | I object to this witness. He was clearly sleeping with the defendant. | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1176 | And, how often would the defendant ‘knock the stuffing’ out of you? | 1.3333 | 0.05429 | 129 | 96 | 23 | 10 |
1177 | Is it true what the nanny states that you, defendant Bear, are involved in the cover up? | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1178 | Not sure you needed to remind him of his right to remain silent … | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1179 | But Judge Barrett, we were assured you would be sympathetic | 1.3333 | 0.05466 | 120 | 88 | 24 | 8 |
1180 | So I put it to you, Mr. Edward Bear: you impersonated one Mr. Pooh at the woodland party, with the criminal intention of depriving said Pooh of his hunny pot! | 1.3333 | 0.05496 | 123 | 91 | 23 | 9 |
1181 | The accused, Christopher Robin is this big Your Honor | 1.3333 | 0.05067 | 120 | 85 | 30 | 5 |
1182 | Exactly where did he ask her to touch you? | 1.3333 | 0.05067 | 120 | 85 | 30 | 5 |
1183 | You want this jury to believe you were just cuddling with the victim? | 1.3333 | 0.04642 | 123 | 87 | 32 | 4 |
1184 | If you weren't involved, why did the ransom note demand "hunny"? | 1.3333 | 0.04988 | 123 | 87 | 31 | 5 |
1185 | I will show the court that my client is just the cutest widdle adowable mass murderer you’ll ever meet. | 1.3333 | 0.05374 | 123 | 90 | 25 | 8 |
1186 | Your Honor. May I treat him as a hostile wittness? | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1187 | Look, you made it onto the chair, you can swear on the goddam Bible. | 1.3333 | 0.05616 | 123 | 92 | 21 | 10 |
1188 | And isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that the defendant once treated you so roughly that you had to have an eye stitched back on? | 1.3333 | 0.04713 | 123 | 85 | 35 | 3 |
1189 | Your honor, may I approach the bench? The witness's tummy needs to be squeezed in order to respond. | 1.3333 | 0.05374 | 123 | 90 | 25 | 8 |
1190 | You actually have to say "I take the Fifth" | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1191 | And the porridge you ordered - was it too hot, too cold, or just right? | 1.3333 | 0.05496 | 123 | 91 | 23 | 9 |
1192 | I can't help but fear that his eyes are following me everywhere... | 1.3333 | 0.04852 | 123 | 86 | 33 | 4 |
1193 | And about how many stitches were required? | 1.3333 | 0.04988 | 123 | 87 | 31 | 5 |
1194 | Your honor, the witness is bearly cooperating. | 1.3333 | 0.04988 | 123 | 87 | 31 | 5 |
1195 | So you allege the defendant tried to take the stuffing out of you! | 1.3333 | 0.05336 | 120 | 87 | 26 | 7 |
1196 | Permission to approach the witness and pull his string. | 1.3333 | 0.05466 | 120 | 88 | 24 | 8 |
1197 | Mr. Bunky, how do you explain that your DNA test found you are stuffed with Raggedy Ann? | 1.3333 | 0.05374 | 123 | 90 | 25 | 8 |
1198 | His owner is in a cage at the border. | 1.3333 | 0.05466 | 120 | 88 | 24 | 8 |
1199 | ...and had you ever met the Berenstains before the night in question? | 1.3333 | 0.05336 | 120 | 87 | 26 | 7 |
1200 | Your Honor, we are waiting for an interpreter. | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1201 | Let the record show that the witness is indicating the position of the bees. | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1202 | Your Honor...this witnesses testimony has no bearing on the case ! | 1.3333 | 0.05336 | 120 | 87 | 26 | 7 |
1203 | And what happened after he stopped cuddling you? | 1.3333 | 0.05404 | 126 | 93 | 24 | 9 |
1204 | I object to this witness, Your Honor. He's been sleeping with the defendant for years. | 1.3333 | 0.05083 | 129 | 93 | 29 | 7 |
1205 | He’s maintained from the start, his memory is fuzzy. | 1.3333 | 0.04852 | 123 | 86 | 33 | 4 |
1206 | May the record reflect the witness’s cuteness. | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1207 | What happened after you were posted on Craigslist? | 1.3333 | 0.05006 | 132 | 95 | 30 | 7 |
1208 | I object your honor. The second amendment says nothing about arming bears. | 1.3333 | 0.05466 | 120 | 88 | 24 | 8 |
1209 | Sir, you must speak to invoke the Fifth Amendment. | 1.3333 | 0.05466 | 120 | 88 | 24 | 8 |
1210 | Counsel, there has been a serious allegation that you have slept with this witness | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1211 | Before you say anything, just know we tried really hard to get the nanny-cam out. | 1.3333 | 0.05164 | 126 | 91 | 28 | 7 |
1212 | Is that supposed to mean 'Who Me'? Use the microphone. | 1.3333 | 0.04927 | 120 | 84 | 32 | 4 |
1213 | I’m sorry, I thought this was kangaroo court. | 1.3333 | 0.05374 | 123 | 90 | 25 | 8 |
1214 | So the defense had to pull strings to get you to testify. | 1.3333 | 0.04927 | 120 | 84 | 32 | 4 |
1215 | So your telling me and the jury, that your relationship was based on security and loneliness? | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1216 | Is the BabyCam admissible? | 1.3333 | 0.05466 | 120 | 88 | 24 | 8 |
1217 | Your honor, what the witness is saying is unbearable | 1.3333 | 0.05285 | 126 | 92 | 26 | 8 |
1218 | ‘Just admit it, you’re smuggling ballots.’ | 1.3333 | 0.05496 | 123 | 91 | 23 | 9 |
1219 | You need to raise only one hand when swearing to tell the truth. | 1.3308 | 0.05088 | 133 | 97 | 28 | 8 |
1220 | Permission to snuggle the witness, Your Honor? | 1.3308 | 0.04931 | 130 | 93 | 31 | 6 |
1221 | Now, show us on the old lady where the little boy touched you. | 1.3308 | 0.04931 | 130 | 93 | 31 | 6 |
1222 | I'm stuffed. Guilty as charged. | 1.3307 | 0.04880 | 127 | 90 | 32 | 5 |
1223 | Can you show the jury where the Defendant squeezed you? | 1.3307 | 0.05130 | 127 | 92 | 28 | 7 |
1224 | For the record, did you or did you not sleep with the defendant? | 1.3306 | 0.04821 | 124 | 87 | 33 | 4 |
1225 | Can you show us where the little girl touched you? | 1.3306 | 0.05337 | 124 | 91 | 25 | 8 |
1226 | Your Honor, the witness appears to have his mouth sewn shut. | 1.3306 | 0.05085 | 124 | 89 | 29 | 6 |
1227 | Mr. Pop A. Bear, please answer the question...did you in fact eat all the porridge then try to pin it on the defendant, Miss Goldilocks? | 1.3306 | 0.05577 | 124 | 93 | 21 | 10 |
1228 | Point on this human doll to where he touched you. | 1.3306 | 0.05337 | 124 | 91 | 25 | 8 |
1229 | With all due respect your honor, your'e the poopy head. | 1.3306 | 0.05337 | 124 | 91 | 25 | 8 |
1230 | And are you confident, Sir, that the assailant was indeed wearing pyjamas? | 1.3306 | 0.04821 | 124 | 87 | 33 | 4 |
1231 | I request that I be able to treat Mr. Cuddles as a hostile witness, Your Honor. | 1.3306 | 0.05085 | 124 | 89 | 29 | 6 |
1232 | Your honor, a brief recess please? The defendant needs a hug. | 1.3306 | 0.05085 | 124 | 89 | 29 | 6 |
1233 | Bear with me for a moment, your honour. | 1.3306 | 0.05337 | 124 | 91 | 25 | 8 |
1234 | No, you cannot plead cute | 1.3306 | 0.05213 | 124 | 90 | 27 | 7 |
1235 | One more minute, Your Honor, bear with me. | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1236 | Your honour, could the witness specify what they mean by 'just right?'" | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1237 | Your Honor, the defendant is being adorable again. | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1238 | Please point to where the defendant touched you. | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1239 | Your honor, please let the record show that this is a docile witness. | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1240 | Were you or were you not the last one to be seen with the Toby's binkie?" | 1.3306 | 0.05553 | 121 | 90 | 22 | 9 |
1241 | Objection! Sentimentalising. | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1242 | For the tenth time, yes, I will be your friend. Now answer my question. | 1.3306 | 0.04894 | 121 | 85 | 32 | 4 |
1243 | Just answer the question, and don't call me HONEY. | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1244 | No one said anything about a dress code. | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1245 | ...and then he threw me into the corner! | 1.3306 | 0.05033 | 121 | 86 | 30 | 5 |
1246 | Your honor, my client was in bed, cuddling, and no where near a picnic on the day in question. | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1247 | Your Honor, my client requests a recess because he has to go THIS MUCH. | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1248 | Your Honor, I'd like to request a 30-minute recess so that I may nap with the witness. | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1249 | No need for a 30 minute lunch recess. I'm already stuffed. | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1250 | Ok, let me get this straight... so your story is that you were having a picnic? | 1.3306 | 0.05299 | 121 | 88 | 26 | 7 |
1251 | I'm here to bear witness | 1.3306 | 0.05033 | 121 | 86 | 30 | 5 |
1252 | Permission to treat the witness as Ruth Bear Ginsberg? | 1.3306 | 0.05553 | 121 | 90 | 22 | 9 |
1253 | Of course he ate the Thanksgiving dinner, your honor, he's full of stuffing! | 1.3306 | 0.05033 | 121 | 86 | 30 | 5 |
1254 | Your honor, my client was simply exercising his right to bear arms | 1.3306 | 0.05676 | 121 | 91 | 20 | 10 |
1255 | This sad individual bears witness to the danger of having children | 1.3306 | 0.05168 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1256 | My client would like the court to know how eager he is to put this case to bed | 1.3306 | 0.04894 | 121 | 85 | 32 | 4 |
1257 | I remind you counselor, that every defendant has the right to remain silent under the Fifth Amendment | 1.3306 | 0.05033 | 121 | 86 | 30 | 5 |
1258 | Then how do you explain your polyester stuffing in the deceased's mouth?! | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1259 | Your honor, I submit that my witness, Ted E. Bear is not only credible but warm and furry. | 1.3305 | 0.05523 | 118 | 87 | 23 | 8 |
1260 | Permission to treat the witness as smooshy smooshy cuddle fluff cutie-pie? | 1.3305 | 0.05652 | 118 | 88 | 21 | 9 |
1261 | Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of inanity. | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1262 | If it please the court, may I hug the witness? | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1263 | Bear with us your honor, the witness has never testified in court before.” | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1264 | When was the last time you saw Goldie Locks? | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1265 | Being cute is not an alibi. | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1266 | I don't care who ate your porridge! | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1267 | Are you refusing to bear witness? | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1268 | Please ask your client to desist from repeating “Hands up! Don’t shoot!! He’s only charged with stealing a pot of honey. | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1269 | Drawing on the Goldilocks Principle, Your Honor, our case is neither too simple nor too complicated. It's just right. | 1.3305 | 0.05523 | 118 | 87 | 23 | 8 |
1270 | The jury have requested milk and cookies. | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1271 | Your Honor, the Defendant is untrustworthy. His smile is merely a well-manufactured facade. And his plush chest is literally heartless. | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1272 | It's called "omerta", Your Honor. Do I have your permission to treat the witness as hostile? | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1273 | I just need a little hug. | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1274 | All of the cabinet members refused to testify in person | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1275 | Your Honor, may I approach and hug the witness? | 1.3305 | 0.04670 | 118 | 81 | 35 | 2 |
1276 | 'Counselor, just grin and bear it." | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1277 | Your honor, may it please the court, the SNUGGLE is real. | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1278 | In fact, Mr. Wuzzy, you wasn't fuzzy -- was you? | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1279 | Your Honor, permission to treat this teddy bear as hostile. | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 30 | 4 |
1280 | Enough of your bearsplaining--just the facts, sir! | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1281 | Another recess? | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1282 | Your honor, if he is too cute, you cannot prosecute. | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1283 | Anyone in the courtroom speak squeaker? | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1284 | In closing, don't do the crime if you can't do the bedtime. I rest my case. | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1285 | Bear with me. | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1286 | Your honor, I feel I must point out that the witness's eyes are really just buttons. | 1.3305 | 0.04823 | 118 | 82 | 33 | 3 |
1287 | 'He reserves his right to stay silent, your Honour'. | 1.3305 | 0.05523 | 118 | 87 | 23 | 8 |
1288 | Only the right paw for the oath, please. | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1289 | And just what were you doing under the bed on the night of January 24th? | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1290 | Your Honor, my next witness will require a certified interpreter of silence. | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1291 | No Prosecutor, you may not hug the Defendant. | 1.3305 | 0.05390 | 118 | 86 | 25 | 7 |
1292 | Would it be fair to say that,if I went down in the woods today,I would be in for an alleged surprise? | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1293 | Well, anyway, I heard it. He says my client's not guilty. | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1294 | The witness is speechless. | 1.3305 | 0.05114 | 118 | 84 | 29 | 5 |
1295 | Your Honor, The defense rests - with Mr.Cuddles!" | 1.3305 | 0.04971 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1296 | Your honor, would you mind closing your eyes so the witness can come to life and testify? | 1.3305 | 0.05652 | 118 | 88 | 21 | 9 |
1297 | Need I remind you, Teddy, that you are under oath? | 1.3301 | 0.05917 | 103 | 76 | 20 | 7 |
1298 | I was in the airport gift shop, and the guy who bought me shoved coke up my butt . | 1.3301 | 0.05917 | 103 | 76 | 20 | 7 |
1299 | Your alibi is you were in bed? In bed with whom? | 1.3287 | 0.04839 | 143 | 104 | 31 | 8 |
1300 | Taking “bear witness” literally! | 1.3281 | 0.05216 | 128 | 94 | 26 | 8 |
1301 | Let it be known by the court that the bear is indicating he loves the judge 'this much'. | 1.3280 | 0.05178 | 125 | 91 | 27 | 7 |
1302 | And I thought the political puppets were just the Supreme Court Judges! | 1.3279 | 0.04999 | 122 | 87 | 30 | 5 |
1303 | The baby bear says he didn’t do it. It was the little girl with the gold colored hair who did it. | 1.3279 | 0.05390 | 122 | 90 | 24 | 8 |
1304 | Your honor, there’s no way he caught a fish that big, he can’t even hold a fishing pole. | 1.3279 | 0.05390 | 122 | 90 | 24 | 8 |
1305 | Badgering the witness? Look again. | 1.3279 | 0.04999 | 122 | 87 | 30 | 5 |
1306 | This court deserves more than the bear facts | 1.3279 | 0.05132 | 122 | 88 | 28 | 6 |
1307 | Your Honor, I believe this witness is a bear-faced liar! | 1.3279 | 0.05390 | 122 | 90 | 24 | 8 |
1308 | I ask to have Mr. Cuddles declared a hostile witness. | 1.3279 | 0.05263 | 122 | 89 | 26 | 7 |
1309 | My client pleads not guilty to the charge of honey laundering | 1.3279 | 0.04999 | 122 | 87 | 30 | 5 |
1310 | We found her sleeping in my bed. She had eaten all my porridge and broke my chair. When she saw us, she ran out, and we never saw her again. | 1.3279 | 0.05390 | 122 | 90 | 24 | 8 |
1311 | I’m establishing a pattern of abandonment. The defendant hasn’t played with Mr. Snuggles in 29 years! | 1.3279 | 0.05263 | 122 | 89 | 26 | 7 |
1312 | ‘If it would please the court, can you show me Baby Bear exactly where Goldilocks touched you?’ | 1.3279 | 0.05636 | 122 | 92 | 20 | 10 |
1313 | You are hereby sentenced to 40 hugs | 1.3279 | 0.05132 | 122 | 88 | 28 | 6 |
1314 | I must recuse myself, your honor. Teddy and I had a rather intimate relationship many years ago. | 1.3277 | 0.05352 | 119 | 87 | 25 | 7 |
1315 | The witness and his testimony are both threadbare | 1.3277 | 0.05079 | 119 | 85 | 29 | 5 |
1316 | Ms. Goldilocks' visit is more motive than alibi. | 1.3277 | 0.05352 | 119 | 87 | 25 | 7 |
1317 | There’s no such thing as the right to arm bears. | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1318 | You said I had the right to bear witness | 1.3277 | 0.04790 | 119 | 83 | 33 | 3 |
1319 | J’accuse, Mr. Snuggles, J’accuse! | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1320 | Your honor, I would like to advise the court that the witness is a teddy bear, not our witness Theodore Bear. | 1.3277 | 0.05612 | 119 | 89 | 21 | 9 |
1321 | Permission to treat Mr. Bear as a cuddly witness? | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1322 | Counselor, you are not allowed to badger a bear. | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1323 | Can you show us on this child where they touched you? | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1324 | He’s full of fluff, your honor | 1.3277 | 0.05079 | 119 | 85 | 29 | 5 |
1325 | Your Honor; Permission to sleep with the witness-- | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1326 | Did you, or did you not, go into the woods, that day? | 1.3277 | 0.04936 | 119 | 84 | 31 | 4 |
1327 | When was the last time you saw Gummy? | 1.3277 | 0.05217 | 119 | 86 | 27 | 6 |
1328 | Let the record show that the answer was non responsive. | 1.3277 | 0.05079 | 119 | 85 | 29 | 5 |
1329 | Your Honor, my client requests a recess. | 1.3277 | 0.05079 | 119 | 85 | 29 | 5 |
1330 | Were you at the scene, or did you go back to your crib? | 1.3277 | 0.04936 | 119 | 84 | 31 | 4 |
1331 | The defense cannot rest without a teddy bear. | 1.3277 | 0.05079 | 119 | 85 | 29 | 5 |
1332 | Your Honor, the eyewitness is clearly all fluff and no substance. | 1.3277 | 0.04936 | 119 | 84 | 31 | 4 |
1333 | He is here to bear witness | 1.3277 | 0.05352 | 119 | 87 | 25 | 7 |
1334 | Your honor, please bear with us. | 1.3276 | 0.05162 | 116 | 83 | 28 | 5 |
1335 | I said raise just your RIGHT hand. | 1.3276 | 0.05015 | 116 | 82 | 30 | 4 |
1336 | I'm cute" is irrelevant | 1.3276 | 0.05162 | 116 | 83 | 28 | 5 |
1337 | Your honor, before I question the witness, your son told me to tell you, he did, indeed, steal the cookie from the cookie jar. | 1.3276 | 0.05306 | 116 | 84 | 26 | 6 |
1338 | What can I say, Your Honor? The porridge was just right. | 1.3276 | 0.05015 | 116 | 82 | 30 | 4 |
1339 | Stuff it Counsel | 1.3276 | 0.05015 | 116 | 82 | 30 | 4 |
1340 | Your Honor, wouldn’t he need to be able to count to five before pleading the Fifth? | 1.3276 | 0.05162 | 116 | 83 | 28 | 5 |
1341 | Your Honor, the evidence will show that the defendant did indeed shit in the woods. | 1.3276 | 0.05015 | 116 | 82 | 30 | 4 |
1342 | Can I please hug the witness? | 1.3276 | 0.05581 | 116 | 86 | 22 | 8 |
1343 | Your Honor, counsel seeks permission to snuggle the witness. | 1.3276 | 0.05162 | 116 | 83 | 28 | 5 |
1344 | Tell the truth, where is Goldilocks? | 1.3276 | 0.05015 | 116 | 82 | 30 | 4 |
1345 | Your responsibility to bear witness, truthfully, in this case is very serious. | 1.3276 | 0.04863 | 116 | 81 | 32 | 3 |
1346 | It was not Mr. Binky who chose to use the good china at the tea party. | 1.3276 | 0.05306 | 116 | 84 | 26 | 6 |
1347 | So. How long after Annie placed you under her bed did you realize that she was not coming back for you? | 1.3276 | 0.05306 | 116 | 84 | 26 | 6 |
1348 | Teddy says he’ll go to the Supreme Court; unclear why | 1.3276 | 0.05306 | 116 | 84 | 26 | 6 |
1349 | So when the defendant, Miss Goldilocks, came in to take your food and bed, what exactly did you do? | 1.3276 | 0.05581 | 116 | 86 | 22 | 8 |
1350 | This is the witness? Why am I surprised, it is 2020 after all. | 1.3276 | 0.05445 | 116 | 85 | 24 | 7 |
1351 | Permission to press the witness, your honour? I like how it sings a lullaby | 1.3276 | 0.05306 | 116 | 84 | 26 | 6 |
1352 | He just shows up with that blank look and beady eyes. | 1.3276 | 0.05306 | 116 | 84 | 26 | 6 |
1353 | I had more questions, but I now feel like the defense should rest. | 1.3276 | 0.05445 | 116 | 85 | 24 | 7 |
1354 | Your Honor, I ask you find the witness uncooperative and overstuffed. | 1.3267 | 0.05648 | 101 | 73 | 23 | 5 |
1355 | Your Honor, gesturing "beats me" over and over in no way directly responds to my cross-examination. | 1.3267 | 0.05470 | 101 | 72 | 25 | 4 |
1356 | You're right. As a witness chair it does smack of preferential treatment. | 1.3267 | 0.05821 | 101 | 74 | 21 | 6 |
1357 | The bear... the bear... why must the election come down to the bear?... | 1.3267 | 0.05286 | 101 | 71 | 27 | 3 |
1358 | Your Honor, I object to the defendant having his diaper changed on the prosecution table. | 1.3267 | 0.05470 | 101 | 72 | 25 | 4 |
1359 | Objection, Your Honor, the witness cannot demand a bear hug after answering each question. | 1.3267 | 0.05286 | 101 | 71 | 27 | 3 |
1360 | And you say you colored in the map with purple not to confuse the election results but because you wish people would all love each other as much as they love you? | 1.3267 | 0.05470 | 101 | 72 | 25 | 4 |
1361 | Show the court, on yourself, where the defendant touched you. | 1.3267 | 0.05648 | 101 | 73 | 23 | 5 |
1362 | Excuse me your Honor, but you can’t dismiss the witness just because you find him unbearable | 1.3267 | 0.05648 | 101 | 73 | 23 | 5 |
1363 | Your Honor, the witness needs his service child. | 1.3256 | 0.05521 | 129 | 98 | 20 | 11 |
1364 | 43 years together and still no commitment. | 1.3254 | 0.05384 | 126 | 94 | 23 | 9 |
1365 | The jury is to disregard that last Roosevelt reference! | 1.3254 | 0.04890 | 126 | 90 | 31 | 5 |
1366 | ... and on top of all that, your witness isn’t wearing pants. | 1.3252 | 0.04689 | 123 | 86 | 34 | 3 |
1367 | Your honor, the defense requests a nappy-time break with the witness. | 1.3252 | 0.04689 | 123 | 86 | 34 | 3 |
1368 | But your honor, the cat really did get his tongue! | 1.3252 | 0.05097 | 123 | 89 | 28 | 6 |
1369 | But your honor. I believe I’m due a certain latitude with an obvious hostile witnesses who bearly answers my questions. | 1.3252 | 0.05097 | 123 | 89 | 28 | 6 |
1370 | Request permission to snuggle the witness, Your Honor. | 1.3252 | 0.04829 | 123 | 87 | 32 | 4 |
1371 | Objection,your Honor,Bearsay! | 1.3252 | 0.05353 | 123 | 91 | 24 | 8 |
1372 | Objection,Your Honor. That’s Bearsay. | 1.3252 | 0.05596 | 123 | 93 | 20 | 10 |
1373 | Your honor I agree the case should be in Juvenile Court but he insists on being tried as an adult. | 1.3252 | 0.05353 | 123 | 91 | 24 | 8 |
1374 | It wasn’t Teddies fault. Alexa made him do it. | 1.3252 | 0.05353 | 123 | 91 | 24 | 8 |
1375 | No further questions, your Honor. And now we’d like to call to the stand, Mr. Nooky Blanky. | 1.3252 | 0.04829 | 123 | 87 | 32 | 4 |
1376 | Show me on yourself where the defendant touched you. | 1.3250 | 0.04608 | 120 | 83 | 35 | 2 |
1377 | I have here your Honor, a written apology for eating all of the Plaintiff's porridge. | 1.3250 | 0.05044 | 120 | 86 | 29 | 5 |
1378 | If it please the court, your Honor, the witness needs a time out for big hug. | 1.3250 | 0.05571 | 120 | 90 | 21 | 9 |
1379 | Your honor, my client is taking the Fifth because he is not able to speak about anything. | 1.3250 | 0.05044 | 120 | 86 | 29 | 5 |
1380 | The honey is missing and the witness shows no emotion and refuses to answer any questions. I rest my case. | 1.3250 | 0.05181 | 120 | 87 | 27 | 6 |
1381 | Did you, or did you not, sleep with her? | 1.3250 | 0.05444 | 120 | 89 | 23 | 8 |
1382 | I did not give my consent to the hug | 1.3250 | 0.05044 | 120 | 86 | 29 | 5 |
1383 | Your Honor, would you please direct the witness to refrain from being so cute. | 1.3250 | 0.05044 | 120 | 86 | 29 | 5 |
1384 | So, how long have you worked for the Berenstain’s? | 1.3250 | 0.05181 | 120 | 87 | 27 | 6 |
1385 | For the record, would the witness please state its country of manufacture? | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1386 | Counselor, you are coddling the witness. | 1.3248 | 0.04980 | 117 | 83 | 30 | 4 |
1387 | Where were you on the day of the Teddy Bear's Picnic? | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1388 | And can anyone else confirm that you were in the woods having a picnic, on the day in question? | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1389 | Don't make me pull some strings to get an answer out of you. | 1.3248 | 0.05406 | 117 | 86 | 24 | 7 |
1390 | Counsel, you are badgering the bear. | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1391 | Oh, he knows exactly what happened. | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1392 | While I understand I have the right to bear arms, I would also appreciate some elbows. | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1393 | Your Honor, the witness is being insufferably cute. | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1394 | And so you found the hugging to be inappropiate? | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1395 | No bathroom breaks. Endless shifts. We called it Build-A-Bear Sweatshop. | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1396 | How would you describe your security role, working for the president? | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1397 | The witness demands a snuggle, your honor. | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1398 | With this witness unable to speak, he has obviously suffered some trauma. Let's break for milk and cookies. and reconvene in 20 minutes | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1399 | No your honor this will not be a TED talk. | 1.3248 | 0.05540 | 117 | 87 | 22 | 8 |
1400 | And what, Mr. Bear, did they find in the woods that day? | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1401 | Your honor, the defendant was found stuffing ballots in Pennsylvania | 1.3248 | 0.05926 | 117 | 90 | 16 | 11 |
1402 | Did you or did you not tell Lillian to put you in the toilet? | 1.3248 | 0.05406 | 117 | 86 | 24 | 7 |
1403 | But your Honor, Mr Teddy IS a registered voter | 1.3248 | 0.05800 | 117 | 89 | 18 | 10 |
1404 | who the f&*k's bear is this? | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1405 | Your Honor, permission to treat him as a hostile witness? | 1.3246 | 0.05502 | 114 | 84 | 23 | 7 |
1406 | Your honor, I request a recess | 1.3246 | 0.05359 | 114 | 83 | 25 | 6 |
1407 | Which book should he put his paw on? | 1.3246 | 0.05359 | 114 | 83 | 25 | 6 |
1408 | Your honor, the witness refuses to speak | 1.3246 | 0.05212 | 114 | 82 | 27 | 5 |
1409 | I don't even have a bladder, so, I think we know who did it! | 1.3246 | 0.04905 | 114 | 80 | 31 | 3 |
1410 | Tell the court how your desire to become a real bear led you into the woods. | 1.3246 | 0.05641 | 114 | 85 | 21 | 8 |
1411 | Eyewitnesses place the suspect near the cookie jar at the time of the cookie caper | 1.3246 | 0.05502 | 114 | 84 | 23 | 7 |
1412 | Another plaintiff for illegal votes? I cannot bear this? | 1.3246 | 0.05502 | 114 | 84 | 23 | 7 |
1413 | Teddy Graham is not your real name, | 1.3239 | 0.07170 | 71 | 53 | 13 | 5 |
1414 | Did you take the fifth? | 1.3232 | 0.05529 | 99 | 71 | 24 | 4 |
1415 | I take that to mean you are not aware of where Mr. Trump was that night? | 1.3232 | 0.06062 | 99 | 74 | 18 | 7 |
1416 | So you really think 'cuddly' is an excuse to get by with anything? | 1.3232 | 0.05890 | 99 | 73 | 20 | 6 |
1417 | Can you tell the court where, exactly, she touched you? | 1.3232 | 0.05529 | 99 | 71 | 24 | 4 |
1418 | And where were you on the night of...oh, never mind. | 1.3232 | 0.05142 | 99 | 69 | 28 | 2 |
1419 | Let the record show the witness says the defendant was quite anxious the night of the 3rd--in fact, 'vewy vewy newvous' that night. | 1.3232 | 0.05890 | 99 | 73 | 20 | 6 |
1420 | , “sorry, no, teddy bear to client privilege is not a thing” | 1.3232 | 0.05712 | 99 | 72 | 22 | 5 |
1421 | This line of questioning is simply unbearable | 1.3232 | 0.05712 | 99 | 72 | 22 | 5 |
1422 | You can’t handle the honey. | 1.3229 | 0.06014 | 96 | 71 | 19 | 6 |
1423 | Your Honor, in this case "pillow talk" should be admissible. | 1.3228 | 0.04455 | 127 | 88 | 37 | 2 |
1424 | Don't lie to me, or I'll knock the stuffing out of you. | 1.3228 | 0.05230 | 127 | 94 | 25 | 8 |
1425 | So Teddy, did you witness the wolf's crimes? Defense claims hearsay... that it's just a story you overheard. | 1.3226 | 0.05953 | 93 | 68 | 20 | 5 |
1426 | Your honor, this witness is ready to testify he saw the defendant put chewing gum in his sister's hair. | 1.3223 | 0.05145 | 121 | 88 | 27 | 6 |
1427 | Do you think society will let us have a real trial anytime soon? | 1.3223 | 0.05655 | 121 | 92 | 19 | 10 |
1428 | May I cuddle the witness, Your Honor? | 1.3220 | 0.05090 | 118 | 85 | 28 | 5 |
1429 | If you go down to the woods today you're sure of a big surprise, your honor. | 1.3220 | 0.05500 | 118 | 88 | 22 | 8 |
1430 | My first witness is speechless! | 1.3220 | 0.05367 | 118 | 87 | 24 | 7 |
1431 | So, you admit to helping take that nap? | 1.3220 | 0.05230 | 118 | 86 | 26 | 6 |
1432 | I'll ask just one more time. Where were you the day of the picnic. | 1.3220 | 0.05500 | 118 | 88 | 22 | 8 |
1433 | The ICE agents beat the stuffing out of you and then what happened? | 1.3220 | 0.05630 | 118 | 89 | 20 | 9 |
1434 | I object to this level of cuteness, your honor. | 1.3220 | 0.05367 | 118 | 87 | 24 | 7 |
1435 | So you deny being at the picnic in the woods? | 1.3220 | 0.04945 | 118 | 84 | 30 | 4 |
1436 | When we say you have the right to bear arms, this is not what we mean. | 1.3220 | 0.05090 | 118 | 85 | 28 | 5 |
1437 | Objection, Your Honor. This testimony is in material. | 1.3220 | 0.05367 | 118 | 87 | 24 | 7 |
1438 | Show us on the human where he touched you. | 1.3220 | 0.05367 | 118 | 87 | 24 | 7 |
1439 | My client is innocent! Just look at him. | 1.3220 | 0.05230 | 118 | 86 | 26 | 6 |
1440 | For how long have you been undercover? | 1.3220 | 0.05230 | 118 | 86 | 26 | 6 |
1441 | Your Honor, the defendant says Donald threw him on the floor and stomped on him when the vote counts were announced. I find that to be unbearable! | 1.3220 | 0.05630 | 118 | 89 | 20 | 9 |
1442 | Unbearable. | 1.3220 | 0.05230 | 118 | 86 | 26 | 6 |
1443 | And is that rabbit in the courtroom now? | 1.3220 | 0.05367 | 118 | 87 | 24 | 7 |
1444 | He hasn’t said a word. He’s clearly in shock. | 1.3220 | 0.05500 | 118 | 88 | 22 | 8 |
1445 | Permission to cuddle, your Honor. | 1.3217 | 0.05024 | 115 | 82 | 29 | 4 |
1446 | Your honor, I have information that his real name isn't even Teddy. | 1.3217 | 0.05024 | 115 | 82 | 29 | 4 |
1447 | Your Honor, bear with me. This witness needs to be handled with care. | 1.3217 | 0.04870 | 115 | 81 | 31 | 3 |
1448 | Let the record reflect that the witness is dumbfounded. | 1.3217 | 0.04870 | 115 | 81 | 31 | 3 |
1449 | Your honor, may I have permission to treat Pookie as a hostile witness? | 1.3217 | 0.05319 | 115 | 84 | 25 | 6 |
1450 | If your honor would please direct the witness to answer the question. This isn't a Senate hearing - "I don't remember" is not an answer. | 1.3217 | 0.05599 | 115 | 86 | 21 | 8 |
1451 | Let me get this straight. You were having a "cuddly-wuddly snoozy-woozy" at the time the crime was committed? | 1.3217 | 0.05024 | 115 | 82 | 29 | 4 |
1452 | Can you reunite my deported client with his Teddy bear? | 1.3217 | 0.05599 | 115 | 86 | 21 | 8 |
1453 | Mr. Cuddles, can you identify the person who squeezed you? | 1.3217 | 0.05024 | 115 | 82 | 29 | 4 |
1454 | Please be a little more specific about the assault than just saying he beat the stuffing out of you. | 1.3217 | 0.05319 | 115 | 84 | 25 | 6 |
1455 | Are you the Mr. Bear who organized this very large picnic gathering where there was no social distancing an no one was wearing a mask? | 1.3217 | 0.05319 | 115 | 84 | 25 | 6 |
1456 | ...so, do we have the post-picnic breathalyzer test results from all the attendees? | 1.3217 | 0.05319 | 115 | 84 | 25 | 6 |
1457 | Tell the jury where the child touched you. | 1.3217 | 0.05461 | 115 | 85 | 23 | 7 |
1458 | So you say the defendant beat the stuffing out of you? | 1.3217 | 0.05461 | 115 | 85 | 23 | 7 |
1459 | When did you first notice the button in your ear was missing? | 1.3217 | 0.05733 | 115 | 87 | 19 | 9 |
1460 | ...and did you give your consent before you were hugged? | 1.3217 | 0.05174 | 115 | 83 | 27 | 5 |
1461 | You are guilty of letting someone hug you during a pandemic! | 1.3217 | 0.05174 | 115 | 83 | 27 | 5 |
1462 | Do you really expect this court to believe that you slept thru the entire winter and therefore couldn’t possibly have been at the scene of the crime? | 1.3217 | 0.04870 | 115 | 81 | 31 | 3 |
1463 | And did you mail in your ballot, or drop it off at the clerk's office? | 1.3217 | 0.05461 | 115 | 85 | 23 | 7 |
1464 | Your honor, I ask that you direct the witness to answer the question! | 1.3217 | 0.05174 | 115 | 83 | 27 | 5 |
1465 | You have no Second Amendment rights. It is the right to bear arms. Not the right to arm bears. | 1.3217 | 0.05319 | 115 | 84 | 25 | 6 |
1466 | Your Honor, his memory is just as fuzzy as his face. | 1.3217 | 0.05174 | 115 | 83 | 27 | 5 |
1467 | Without losing my remaining arm, Your Honor, may I crossexamine the witness as hostile? | 1.3217 | 0.05461 | 115 | 85 | 23 | 7 |
1468 | Your honor, I must ask your forbearance. | 1.3217 | 0.05174 | 115 | 83 | 27 | 5 |
1469 | Your honor, I'd like to treat Mr Bear as a docile witness | 1.3217 | 0.05319 | 115 | 84 | 25 | 6 |
1470 | OK, Teddy, stop being cute and tell us where Goldilocks is. | 1.3217 | 0.05174 | 115 | 83 | 27 | 5 |
1471 | And where was Christopher Robin on the night of October 31? | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1472 | Your honor, permission to treat the bear as a hostile - but very cute - witness... | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1473 | Your honor, I’m simply trying to bear witness to the crime. | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1474 | Your honor, this witness could not have completely seen what happened that night. His button eyes are missing some threads. | 1.3214 | 0.04947 | 112 | 79 | 30 | 3 |
1475 | Permission to treat the witness as gender-neutral? | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1476 | I have nothing more for this witness your honor. I’d like to call Mr. Quacks to the stand. | 1.3214 | 0.04782 | 112 | 78 | 32 | 2 |
1477 | Let the record show the witness has been uncoöperative yet adorable | 1.3214 | 0.05560 | 112 | 83 | 22 | 7 |
1478 | Permission to treat the witness as irresistibly cuddly? | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1479 | So then what does “bear witness” mean, Your Honor? | 1.3214 | 0.04782 | 112 | 78 | 32 | 2 |
1480 | My client’s right to bear arms is being infringed. | 1.3214 | 0.05262 | 112 | 81 | 26 | 5 |
1481 | He wants to be traded to Chicago rather than the Jets. He thinks that it would be a better fit. | 1.3214 | 0.05560 | 112 | 83 | 22 | 7 |
1482 | In your expert opinion, Mr. Snuggie, what's it like when someone tries to kill you with kindness? | 1.3214 | 0.05107 | 112 | 80 | 28 | 4 |
1483 | Exactly how hot was this "scalding" porridge? | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1484 | Teddy, Giuliani has identified you as a conspirator involved in the stuffing incident. You can't be silent forever!" | 1.3214 | 0.05703 | 112 | 84 | 20 | 8 |
1485 | I plead the fifth...and the second. | 1.3214 | 0.05262 | 112 | 81 | 26 | 5 |
1486 | Felony cookie theft is a serious crime. Acting cute and cuddly is not an acceptable defense. | 1.3214 | 0.05107 | 112 | 80 | 28 | 4 |
1487 | Your honor,the witness is unresponsive. | 1.3214 | 0.05703 | 112 | 84 | 20 | 8 |
1488 | He may not be a hostile witness, but he is stuffy. | 1.3214 | 0.04947 | 112 | 79 | 30 | 3 |
1489 | Did you or did you not cast an illegal ballot? | 1.3214 | 0.05262 | 112 | 81 | 26 | 5 |
1490 | From your angle inside the dryer, could you could see that he did not select permanent press? | 1.3214 | 0.05107 | 112 | 80 | 28 | 4 |
1491 | Permission to treat this witness as cuddly and adorable, your honor? | 1.3214 | 0.05842 | 112 | 85 | 18 | 9 |
1492 | Your honor - permission to treat the witness as textile. | 1.3197 | 0.05492 | 122 | 92 | 21 | 9 |
1493 | Yes, I know you are sooooo big. Just answer the question. | 1.3197 | 0.04837 | 122 | 87 | 31 | 4 |
1494 | To clear things up,are you registered to vote as Teddy Bear or Ted E. Bear? | 1.3197 | 0.04837 | 122 | 87 | 31 | 4 |
1495 | Your Honor, I don't care how cute he is, you are obligated to declare him a hostile witness. | 1.3197 | 0.04975 | 122 | 88 | 29 | 5 |
1496 | Your honor, this witness just rests. | 1.3194 | 0.06802 | 72 | 53 | 15 | 4 |
1497 | Your Honor, my client may be a snuggler, but he's not a smuggler. | 1.3193 | 0.05193 | 119 | 87 | 26 | 6 |
1498 | Your Honor, permission to treat this cuddly little guy as a hostile witness | 1.3193 | 0.05328 | 119 | 88 | 24 | 7 |
1499 | Do you prefer Teddy or Theodore? | 1.3193 | 0.05328 | 119 | 88 | 24 | 7 |
1500 | Isn't it true that, unassisted, you ate all the porridge yourself? | 1.3193 | 0.05328 | 119 | 88 | 24 | 7 |
1501 | Permission to treat the witness as cuddly. | 1.3190 | 0.04989 | 116 | 83 | 29 | 4 |
1502 | Who is this court to deny my client's right to bear witness? | 1.3190 | 0.04989 | 116 | 83 | 29 | 4 |
1503 | Your honor, permission to treat the witness as really cuddly. | 1.3190 | 0.05421 | 116 | 86 | 23 | 7 |
1504 | Don't you understand, Teddy would never shoplift the supermarket, he's already stuffed. | 1.3190 | 0.05557 | 116 | 87 | 21 | 8 |
1505 | Your Honor, permission to hug the witness tightly and cry for my mommy | 1.3190 | 0.05557 | 116 | 87 | 21 | 8 |
1506 | ...so when refused to go to bed with her, she said she'd knock your stuffing out? | 1.3190 | 0.04989 | 116 | 83 | 29 | 4 |
1507 | When you went down in the woods to play, what WAS the big surprise? | 1.3190 | 0.05557 | 116 | 87 | 21 | 8 |
1508 | He won’t lower his right hand. | 1.3190 | 0.05691 | 116 | 88 | 19 | 9 |
1509 | Your honor, the witness requests a booster seat. | 1.3190 | 0.04678 | 116 | 81 | 33 | 2 |
1510 | Your honor, I object to this witness's obvious attempts to be cute. | 1.3190 | 0.05421 | 116 | 86 | 23 | 7 |
1511 | Your Honor, if you would allow me to just squeeze his paw one more time I think we’ll get the answer we’re looking for. | 1.3190 | 0.05421 | 116 | 86 | 23 | 7 |
1512 | What do you object to? All I said "was Bear with me". | 1.3190 | 0.05421 | 116 | 86 | 23 | 7 |
1513 | We know you stole the honey jar! | 1.3190 | 0.05281 | 116 | 85 | 25 | 6 |
1514 | Fuzzy Wuzzy was not a bear, at all. | 1.3190 | 0.05421 | 116 | 86 | 23 | 7 |
1515 | As you can see, Your Honor, Mr. Wiggles loved the victim “this much”. | 1.3190 | 0.04989 | 116 | 83 | 29 | 4 |
1516 | So did you or did you not comply with the arresting officer’s request “Keep your hands above your head where I can see them”? | 1.3187 | 0.06028 | 91 | 67 | 19 | 5 |
1517 | Show me where the defendant touched you. | 1.3186 | 0.04912 | 113 | 80 | 30 | 3 |
1518 | You asked for someone who could bear witness. | 1.3186 | 0.05223 | 113 | 82 | 26 | 5 |
1519 | He was in the room when it happened! Press the belly button to talk! | 1.3186 | 0.05070 | 113 | 81 | 28 | 4 |
1520 | Teddy, please tell the Court why you oppose the Administration’s proposal to remove the King Salmon from the endangered species list. | 1.3186 | 0.05373 | 113 | 83 | 24 | 6 |
1521 | I'm sorry but you're confusing the fifth amendment with the second amendment's right to bear arms. | 1.3186 | 0.05373 | 113 | 83 | 24 | 6 |
1522 | Your honor I apologize for my client. He thought it was casual Friday" | 1.3186 | 0.04912 | 113 | 80 | 30 | 3 |
1523 | Requesting permission to approach and cuddle the witness. | 1.3186 | 0.05223 | 113 | 82 | 26 | 5 |
1524 | We are not buying this “other side of the mountain” story. What did you really see. | 1.3186 | 0.05659 | 113 | 85 | 20 | 8 |
1525 | Let the record show my client has indicated the defendant as the person who dropped him out of the bedroom window. | 1.3186 | 0.05070 | 113 | 81 | 28 | 4 |
1526 | Your honor, I offer Mr. Teddy Bear as an expert in the fields of cuddling and tea parties. | 1.3186 | 0.05070 | 113 | 81 | 28 | 4 |
1527 | Not answering whether he slept with the victim for years is an admission, Your Honor, not a denial. | 1.3182 | 0.05155 | 110 | 79 | 27 | 4 |
1528 | May I press his belly so he may respond? | 1.3182 | 0.05155 | 110 | 79 | 27 | 4 |
1529 | And can you point to the person who threw you over for the stuffed giraffe? | 1.3182 | 0.05314 | 110 | 80 | 25 | 5 |
1530 | Your honor I ask that the witness be declared as hostile for refusing to answer. | 1.3182 | 0.05155 | 110 | 79 | 27 | 4 |
1531 | Can anyone corroborate that you were in hibernation at the time of the crime? | 1.3182 | 0.05314 | 110 | 80 | 25 | 5 |
1532 | Your honor, I find this witness’s refusal to answer to be unbearable. | 1.3182 | 0.05909 | 110 | 84 | 17 | 9 |
1533 | Your Honor, I feel I must recuse myself from the case due to my past relations with the witness. For the record, we have slept together.” Jessica Meth, Larchmont, New York | 1.3182 | 0.05469 | 110 | 81 | 23 | 6 |
1534 | Don't let his innocence fool you, your Honor. He's a known pedophile. | 1.3182 | 0.05469 | 110 | 81 | 23 | 6 |
1535 | Yes, Your Honor, I'll stop badgering the bear. | 1.3182 | 0.05155 | 110 | 79 | 27 | 4 |
1536 | My apologies. From now on I’ll refer to you as “Theodore”. | 1.3182 | 0.05469 | 110 | 81 | 23 | 6 |
1537 | Your honor, even if meant to be private within a deeply emotional relationship, the defendant’s communications to the witness are not privileged. | 1.3182 | 0.05620 | 110 | 82 | 21 | 7 |
1538 | To answer your question with another question: Is the Pope Catholic? | 1.3182 | 0.05314 | 110 | 80 | 25 | 5 |
1539 | Let the record show that the witness refused to answer the question. | 1.3182 | 0.05620 | 110 | 82 | 21 | 7 |
1540 | So, on the evening of June 13th, what were you doing in the woods? | 1.3162 | 0.04953 | 117 | 84 | 29 | 4 |
1541 | Judge, it is the only impartial witness I could find in the world today!" | 1.3162 | 0.04953 | 117 | 84 | 29 | 4 |
1542 | Your Honor, please instruct the witness not to answer every question with "wheeee!" | 1.3162 | 0.05100 | 117 | 85 | 27 | 5 |
1543 | The plaintiff is claiming abandonment, after five years of sharing the defendant's bed. | 1.3162 | 0.05100 | 117 | 85 | 27 | 5 |
1544 | Is there a problem with my first witness also being evidence? | 1.3162 | 0.05381 | 117 | 87 | 23 | 7 |
1545 | This is not what I had in mind when I allowed you to call a character witness. | 1.3162 | 0.05081 | 136 | 102 | 25 | 9 |
1546 | Seriously, he's pleading the Fluff Amendment? | 1.3158 | 0.05476 | 114 | 85 | 22 | 7 |
1547 | Permission to treat the witness as adorable? | 1.3158 | 0.05185 | 114 | 83 | 26 | 5 |
1548 | Will your witness require an Interpreter? | 1.3158 | 0.05033 | 114 | 82 | 28 | 4 |
1549 | Are you sure sending him to the daycare is the right decision? | 1.3158 | 0.05185 | 114 | 83 | 26 | 5 |
1550 | We request an immediate transfer to Juvenile Court. | 1.3158 | 0.04631 | 114 | 82 | 29 | 3 |
1551 | And then, after this little piggy went to market ? | 1.3158 | 0.05185 | 114 | 83 | 26 | 5 |
1552 | Tell us again how the defendant knocked the stuffing out of you. | 1.3158 | 0.05033 | 114 | 82 | 28 | 4 |
1553 | Your Honor, please inform the witness, I was NOT being sexist when I referred to it as "Doll". | 1.3158 | 0.05185 | 114 | 83 | 26 | 5 |
1554 | No further cross-stitches, your honor. | 1.3158 | 0.05476 | 114 | 85 | 22 | 7 |
1555 | We did; but it's not what you think | 1.3158 | 0.05033 | 114 | 87 | 20 | 7 |
1556 | this trial is a fraud. I must have a jury of my peers | 1.3154 | 0.05009 | 130 | 96 | 27 | 7 |
1557 | If the fur doesn’t fit, you must acquit! | 1.3154 | 0.05241 | 130 | 98 | 23 | 9 |
1558 | And do you see the dog that ripped your arm off anywhere in the courtroom, and if so, can you point him out? | 1.3153 | 0.05576 | 111 | 83 | 21 | 7 |
1559 | Permission to change my client's batteries your Honor. | 1.3153 | 0.05274 | 111 | 81 | 25 | 5 |
1560 | Hug witness to activate testimony | 1.3153 | 0.05116 | 111 | 80 | 27 | 4 |
1561 | Yes, your honor - Teddy pleads the 5th | 1.3153 | 0.05427 | 111 | 82 | 23 | 6 |
1562 | You’ll be very unhappy to know that we have hundreds of witnesses who can identify you. | 1.3153 | 0.05427 | 111 | 82 | 23 | 6 |
1563 | Your Honor, before I start the cross examination, may I just hug the witness? | 1.3153 | 0.05116 | 111 | 80 | 27 | 4 |
1564 | Your Honor, may I have permission to treat the witness as adorable? | 1.3153 | 0.05274 | 111 | 81 | 25 | 5 |
1565 | In my defense, I just wanted to see what kind of stuffing she had. | 1.3153 | 0.05274 | 111 | 81 | 25 | 5 |
1566 | Permission to pull the string coming from the witness's back. | 1.3153 | 0.04611 | 111 | 77 | 33 | 1 |
1567 | He's really just a big softy | 1.3153 | 0.05116 | 111 | 80 | 27 | 4 |
1568 | Your honor, please tell this witness to answer the question. | 1.3153 | 0.05116 | 111 | 80 | 27 | 4 |
1569 | Your Honor, stuffed animals can't talk. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. | 1.3153 | 0.05721 | 111 | 84 | 19 | 8 |
1570 | Your Honor, my client would like to plead insanely cute. | 1.3152 | 0.05769 | 92 | 67 | 21 | 4 |
1571 | I can barely remember yesterday, and you're asking me about pre-hibernation? | 1.3148 | 0.05368 | 108 | 79 | 24 | 5 |
1572 | But not one man or woman saw you in bed at the hour of the crime? | 1.3148 | 0.05527 | 108 | 80 | 22 | 6 |
1573 | He claims that he was honey trapped! | 1.3148 | 0.05035 | 108 | 77 | 28 | 3 |
1574 | This was the prosecution's "under covers" witness? | 1.3148 | 0.05204 | 108 | 78 | 26 | 4 |
1575 | Most of the time I received hugs and kisses when she came home from school but these days she's acting weird like she's met another bear. | 1.3148 | 0.05368 | 108 | 79 | 24 | 5 |
1576 | You're not really fuzzy, are you? And remember, you are under oath. | 1.3148 | 0.05204 | 108 | 78 | 26 | 4 |
1577 | You think just because she was wearing a teddy that excuses your behavior? | 1.3148 | 0.05527 | 108 | 80 | 22 | 6 |
1578 | Objection overruled, Counsel may poke the bear. | 1.3148 | 0.05681 | 108 | 81 | 20 | 7 |
1579 | Mr. Bear, could you please state for the court just how long the defendant had forced you to sleep with him? | 1.3148 | 0.05204 | 108 | 78 | 26 | 4 |
1580 | They have the wrong bear. My client's name is T-h-e-o-d-o-r-e. | 1.3137 | 0.05908 | 102 | 77 | 18 | 7 |
1581 | Yes, Your Honor. This bear can bear witness to this unbearable crime. | 1.3136 | 0.05476 | 118 | 89 | 21 | 8 |
1582 | Where were you on the night of the Teddy Bears' Picnic? | 1.3131 | 0.05106 | 99 | 70 | 27 | 2 |
1583 | It’s a simple “yes” or “no” question. We’re you in the crib the night of the alleged crime? | 1.3131 | 0.05304 | 99 | 71 | 25 | 3 |
1584 | May it please the Court. Unless the Court would prefer flowers? | 1.3131 | 0.05304 | 99 | 71 | 25 | 3 |
1585 | I'm not an 'accessory' to the crime; that would be Barbie. | 1.3130 | 0.04997 | 115 | 83 | 28 | 4 |
1586 | Your honor, I’d like the record to show that the witness is unbearably cute. | 1.3130 | 0.05574 | 115 | 87 | 20 | 8 |
1587 | So it's not just bedding and chairs? You purport to be a qualified expert in porridge too? | 1.3130 | 0.05435 | 115 | 86 | 22 | 7 |
1588 | Mr. Pooh...., you seem surprised that Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore all testified you've been in denial about your honey addiction for years, how do you plea! | 1.3130 | 0.05147 | 115 | 84 | 26 | 5 |
1589 | Your Honor, Please instruct the witness to put some pants on. | 1.3130 | 0.05293 | 115 | 85 | 24 | 6 |
1590 | Knowing his parade permit had lapsed, Ted pled the Fifth. | 1.3130 | 0.04997 | 115 | 83 | 28 | 4 |
1591 | You Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile yet cuddly | 1.3125 | 0.04917 | 112 | 80 | 29 | 3 |
1592 | Sorry your Honor, if I'd known he was a flasher I wouldn't have called him. | 1.3125 | 0.05234 | 112 | 82 | 25 | 5 |
1593 | The defense motions a request for a court recess, milk, and cookies. | 1.3125 | 0.05533 | 112 | 84 | 21 | 7 |
1594 | Your honor, I'd like to request an interpreter. | 1.3125 | 0.05234 | 112 | 82 | 25 | 5 |
1595 | Is it in writing that she would love you the rest of her life? | 1.3125 | 0.05078 | 112 | 81 | 27 | 4 |
1596 | Your honor, if the witness continues to take the 5th, I suggest we move on to the next witness, Barbie. | 1.3125 | 0.05234 | 112 | 82 | 25 | 5 |
1597 | 'Permission to treat the witness as adorable?' Andy Mathieson, Long Beach, Cali. | 1.3125 | 0.05234 | 112 | 82 | 25 | 5 |
1598 | Woman, man, camera, bear. | 1.3125 | 0.05677 | 112 | 85 | 19 | 8 |
1599 | Objection! Thou shalt not bear false witness! | 1.3119 | 0.05164 | 109 | 79 | 26 | 4 |
1600 | Permission to treat the witness as cute and cuddly? | 1.3119 | 0.05483 | 109 | 81 | 22 | 6 |
1601 | You may have kicked me out of bed, but I am selling the porridge recipe. | 1.3119 | 0.05636 | 109 | 82 | 20 | 7 |
1602 | Your honor, the witness is cute, but totally uncooperative. | 1.3119 | 0.05164 | 109 | 79 | 26 | 4 |
1603 | Your honor, I intend to pooh-pooh this witness's testimony. | 1.3119 | 0.05326 | 109 | 80 | 24 | 5 |
1604 | Permission to treat the witness as hostile for sewing his own mouth shut. | 1.3119 | 0.05164 | 109 | 79 | 26 | 4 |
1605 | Your Honor,please instruct the witness that being cute is no defense. | 1.3119 | 0.05326 | 109 | 80 | 24 | 5 |
1606 | For how many years have you testified as an expert on childhood affections ? | 1.3119 | 0.05164 | 109 | 79 | 26 | 4 |
1607 | Your Honor, Please instruct the witness to stop playing it cute with the jury and answer the question! | 1.3119 | 0.05326 | 109 | 80 | 24 | 5 |
1608 | Mr Steiff was credible, but he forgot his teddy.. | 1.3119 | 0.05483 | 109 | 81 | 22 | 6 |
1609 | Your Honor; He's adamant, no witness protection program; no testimony | 1.3119 | 0.05326 | 109 | 80 | 24 | 5 |
1610 | I'll ask you once more. Did you see little Johnny pee on the carpet?! Yes or No?!?! | 1.3119 | 0.05483 | 109 | 81 | 22 | 6 |
1611 | We stipulate what my client did in the woods. | 1.3119 | 0.05326 | 109 | 80 | 24 | 5 |
1612 | Sir, please tell the court what you saw happen with those 50 ballots after 7pm | 1.3119 | 0.05785 | 109 | 83 | 18 | 8 |
1613 | Your Honor, I don't think it'll talk until you squeeze its paw. | 1.3115 | 0.05344 | 122 | 92 | 22 | 8 |
1614 | Tell me. Who did you sleep with last night? | 1.3115 | 0.04950 | 122 | 89 | 28 | 5 |
1615 | So you claim alienation of affection because Christopher Robin cast you aside for a Barbie doll? | 1.3113 | 0.04900 | 106 | 75 | 29 | 2 |
1616 | Your Honor, it seems the witness refuses to answer any questions whatsoever. | 1.3113 | 0.05254 | 106 | 77 | 25 | 4 |
1617 | The President’s representative may not testify for him. He must appear in person. | 1.3113 | 0.05744 | 106 | 80 | 19 | 7 |
1618 | Did you knowingly give aid and comfort to the accused? | 1.3113 | 0.05254 | 106 | 77 | 25 | 4 |
1619 | Your Honor may I consult with my Hug counsel? ? | 1.3113 | 0.05423 | 106 | 78 | 23 | 5 |
1620 | Your honor, the defense has clearly brought fourth a puppet. | 1.3113 | 0.05080 | 106 | 76 | 27 | 3 |
1621 | My client suffers a daily cycle of persistent, unwelcome snuggling at the hands of the defendant. We seek full and immediate emancipation. | 1.3111 | 0.05837 | 90 | 66 | 20 | 4 |
1622 | Your witness needs a cuddle. | 1.3109 | 0.05303 | 119 | 89 | 23 | 7 |
1623 | I thought 'Teddy the Bear' was just his mafia nickname | 1.3108 | 0.06360 | 74 | 54 | 17 | 3 |
1624 | So, after you took over the Papa Bear chair, what did you do with the body? | 1.3103 | 0.06397 | 87 | 66 | 15 | 6 |
1625 | Your honor, please do not refer to the witness as, 'Your cuteness.' | 1.3097 | 0.05491 | 113 | 85 | 21 | 7 |
1626 | Bear in mind, your still under oath | 1.3093 | 0.05256 | 97 | 72 | 21 | 4 |
1627 | Your honour, my client pleads the 2nd amendment. | 1.3093 | 0.05357 | 97 | 70 | 24 | 3 |
1628 | Truth is more than he can bear. | 1.3093 | 0.05554 | 97 | 71 | 22 | 4 |
1629 | Objection, your honor. Counsel has clearly stuffed the witness. | 1.3093 | 0.05152 | 97 | 69 | 26 | 2 |
1630 | yes cam-bear; you did film the baby-sitter in the liquor cabinet, but who told her where the key was stashed? and how did you obtain the Squeeze bottle of Honey? | 1.3093 | 0.05554 | 97 | 71 | 22 | 4 |
1631 | There was no inappropriate hugging. | 1.3093 | 0.05357 | 97 | 70 | 24 | 3 |
1632 | Mr. Bubbles, tell us. Exactly what were you doing with all that lingerie in the clothes dryer at noon of the day in question? | 1.3093 | 0.05928 | 97 | 73 | 18 | 6 |
1633 | The bear knows nothing! | 1.3093 | 0.05357 | 97 | 70 | 24 | 3 |
1634 | Alright I'll admit it. I was the one who removed my tag | 1.3093 | 0.05357 | 97 | 70 | 24 | 3 |
1635 | Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth and only the truth | 1.3093 | 0.05928 | 97 | 73 | 18 | 6 |
1636 | If he can't swear on a copy of WINNIE-THE-POOH, he won't tell the whole truth. | 1.3093 | 0.05152 | 97 | 69 | 26 | 2 |
1637 | And is that nanny in the room today? | 1.3093 | 0.05554 | 97 | 71 | 22 | 4 |
1638 | My client has an alibi - he was at home all night with his toy giraffe. | 1.3091 | 0.05441 | 110 | 82 | 22 | 6 |
1639 | This may be an embearassing question, but why are you here? | 1.3091 | 0.05441 | 110 | 82 | 22 | 6 |
1640 | ...And just how long have you known Hunter Biden? | 1.3091 | 0.05739 | 110 | 84 | 18 | 8 |
1641 | I'm sorry, your honor, this Ted doesn't talk. | 1.3091 | 0.04959 | 110 | 79 | 28 | 3 |
1642 | Is this the only witness for the defense? | 1.3091 | 0.05125 | 110 | 80 | 26 | 4 |
1643 | I'm not intimidating him, your Honor. I just said his posture suggests guilt. | 1.3091 | 0.05441 | 110 | 82 | 22 | 6 |
1644 | Your Honor, the defendant's stuffing was found next to the body | 1.3091 | 0.05592 | 110 | 83 | 20 | 7 |
1645 | Your honor, the defendant's statement is all fluff! | 1.3091 | 0.04959 | 110 | 79 | 28 | 3 |
1646 | Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defendant is toying with the dignity of this court. | 1.3091 | 0.04959 | 110 | 79 | 28 | 3 |
1647 | Agent Bear, tell the court what your undercover operation revealed about the defendant’s nocturnal activities. | 1.3091 | 0.05441 | 110 | 82 | 22 | 6 |
1648 | Now did the defendant as a child abuse you? | 1.3084 | 0.05213 | 107 | 78 | 25 | 4 |
1649 | Your honor, please compel this witness to release its nanny cam. | 1.3084 | 0.05379 | 107 | 79 | 23 | 5 |
1650 | Your Honor, my client was unaware that the camera would record cookie jar misconduct. | 1.3084 | 0.05041 | 107 | 77 | 27 | 3 |
1651 | Your Honor, the witness is being non-responsive! Permission to cuddle the witness? | 1.3084 | 0.04863 | 107 | 76 | 29 | 2 |
1652 | Let the record show the witness wishes to exercise his fifth amendment rights. | 1.3084 | 0.05541 | 107 | 80 | 21 | 6 |
1653 | So, Teddy, do you swear that you did bear witness to all of the events described thus far in this courtroom? | 1.3084 | 0.05041 | 107 | 77 | 27 | 3 |
1654 | Contain your witness, counselor, or I’m putting you both in time-out. | 1.3084 | 0.05541 | 107 | 80 | 21 | 6 |
1655 | Isn't it true that you encouraged Timmy to remove his diaper and engage in what you have called "the art project" after you were removed from the crib and put on the shelf? | 1.3084 | 0.05698 | 107 | 81 | 19 | 7 |
1656 | So you gave Tommy the best years of your life and now he ignores you all the time? | 1.3084 | 0.05213 | 107 | 78 | 25 | 4 |
1657 | So, you're the missing Teddy Bear that caused all this murder and mayhem! | 1.3084 | 0.05541 | 107 | 80 | 21 | 6 |
1658 | Your honour, my client claims daily abuse on the part of the defendant. | 1.3084 | 0.05379 | 107 | 79 | 23 | 5 |
1659 | Mr. Bear...may I call you Teddy? | 1.3084 | 0.05213 | 107 | 78 | 25 | 4 |
1660 | I'm stuffed. I just could not eat Grandma's meatballs. | 1.3084 | 0.05541 | 107 | 80 | 21 | 6 |
1661 | The witness can't be of sound mind, your honor - she had her head ripped off 3 days ago." | 1.3084 | 0.05041 | 107 | 77 | 27 | 3 |
1662 | Again - I'll remind the defendent, you are under oath | 1.3084 | 0.04863 | 107 | 76 | 29 | 2 |
1663 | I can't imagine why he's not talking. | 1.3084 | 0.05041 | 107 | 77 | 27 | 3 |
1664 | Counselor, you're pandering to the witness" | 1.3084 | 0.05379 | 107 | 79 | 23 | 5 |
1665 | Yes, your Honor, he's definitely a material witness. | 1.3084 | 0.05213 | 107 | 78 | 25 | 4 |
1666 | Your honour what more do we need? The witness she’s she ate his supper, broke his chair and he caught her asleep in his bed | 1.3084 | 0.05213 | 107 | 78 | 25 | 4 |
1667 | Before it got out of hand, his main reason for going to the rally was to be a pacifier.' | 1.3077 | 0.04941 | 104 | 74 | 28 | 2 |
1668 | Let the record show that the defendant declined to answer the question of whether a bear defecates in the woods. | 1.3077 | 0.05306 | 104 | 76 | 24 | 4 |
1669 | In 30 years, I’ve never seen a witness so comfortable under cross-examination. | 1.3077 | 0.05306 | 104 | 76 | 24 | 4 |
1670 | And what did Goldilocks do next? | 1.3077 | 0.05306 | 104 | 76 | 24 | 4 |
1671 | I swear, the stuffing was already on the floor and my hands were up the whole time. | 1.3077 | 0.04941 | 104 | 74 | 28 | 2 |
1672 | My client declares abandonment, your Honour. | 1.3077 | 0.05127 | 104 | 75 | 26 | 3 |
1673 | So your legal name is in fact, Theodore? | 1.3077 | 0.05306 | 104 | 76 | 24 | 4 |
1674 | Your honor, this unregistered intruder was discovered in a voting booth! | 1.3077 | 0.05647 | 104 | 78 | 20 | 6 |
1675 | The teddy bear has plead the fifth. | 1.3077 | 0.05127 | 104 | 75 | 26 | 3 |
1676 | I'll have to press on his belly before he'll squeal. | 1.3077 | 0.04941 | 104 | 74 | 28 | 2 |
1677 | The witness's statement us untrue your honor. It's false bear testimony! | 1.3077 | 0.05306 | 104 | 76 | 24 | 4 |
1678 | no I'm sorry hot cocoa is not available at this time. | 1.3077 | 0.05127 | 104 | 75 | 26 | 3 |
1679 | Do you promise to bear witness truthfully? | 1.3077 | 0.05127 | 104 | 75 | 26 | 3 |
1680 | Might I remind you, Mr. Snugglebottoms, you are under oath. | 1.3077 | 0.05127 | 104 | 75 | 26 | 3 |
1681 | Your honor, permission to treat the witness as irresistibly cuddly. | 1.3077 | 0.05306 | 104 | 76 | 24 | 4 |
1682 | and while you were in the bed with Timmy, were you or were you not aware that he was 7? | 1.3077 | 0.05479 | 104 | 77 | 22 | 5 |
1683 | And did you or did you attend the teddy bear picnic? | 1.3077 | 0.04941 | 104 | 74 | 28 | 2 |
1684 | Tell the truth or I will knock the stuffing out of you. | 1.3070 | 0.05449 | 114 | 86 | 21 | 7 |
1685 | Your honor, if you’d grant my request to have someone pull the string on the bear’s back after each of my questions, I think you’d find this testimony much more compelling. | 1.3069 | 0.05403 | 101 | 74 | 23 | 4 |
1686 | It's a little stuffy in here, don't you think? | 1.3069 | 0.05583 | 101 | 75 | 21 | 5 |
1687 | So, the defendant is your main squeeze? | 1.3069 | 0.05583 | 101 | 75 | 21 | 5 |
1688 | It was the sole witness when the baby was thrown out with the bathwater. | 1.3069 | 0.05403 | 101 | 74 | 23 | 4 |
1689 | Yes, I admit it. I've slept with a lot of women. They even made a couple of movies about me. | 1.3069 | 0.05217 | 101 | 73 | 25 | 3 |
1690 | Oh, all right! The prosecution will stipulate that the witness is “soft and cuddly”! | 1.3069 | 0.05023 | 101 | 72 | 27 | 2 |
1691 | I'd like the record to show, the witness failed to disclose to the court they are sleeping with the defendant on a nightly basis. | 1.3069 | 0.05403 | 101 | 74 | 23 | 4 |
1692 | Mr. Teddy, when did you last see him put on his big boy pants? | 1.3069 | 0.05403 | 101 | 74 | 23 | 4 |
1693 | I’m not moving until all votes are counted | 1.3069 | 0.05217 | 101 | 73 | 25 | 3 |
1694 | And when he discovered she ate all his porridge, he just lost it. | 1.3063 | 0.05245 | 111 | 82 | 24 | 5 |
1695 | This emotional support teddy bear cannot testify against his owner! | 1.3063 | 0.05086 | 111 | 81 | 26 | 4 |
1696 | Your honor, may I approach the witness and press him to my chest? | 1.3063 | 0.05548 | 111 | 84 | 20 | 7 |
1697 | ... and bear in mind, you're under oath. | 1.3063 | 0.05836 | 111 | 86 | 16 | 9 |
1698 | Well, was it one cuddle or two? | 1.3063 | 0.04922 | 111 | 80 | 28 | 3 |
1699 | So Mr. Fuzzy, you say they wouldn't let you fill out a ballot for President Trump? | 1.3063 | 0.05694 | 111 | 85 | 18 | 8 |
1700 | You honor, he clearly does not have the right to bear arms | 1.3063 | 0.05086 | 111 | 81 | 26 | 4 |
1701 | Why were you under the covers on the night in question? | 1.3059 | 0.05557 | 85 | 61 | 22 | 2 |
1702 | Teddy always gets confused about the jargon. He’s evidence , not a witness. | 1.3059 | 0.05803 | 85 | 62 | 20 | 3 |
1703 | Your honor my client can't speak up... his mouth is sewn shut. | 1.3059 | 0.06268 | 85 | 64 | 16 | 5 |
1704 | Permission to treat the witness as soft and cuddly. | 1.3059 | 0.05557 | 85 | 61 | 22 | 2 |
1705 | Your honor, this teddy bear knows a lot more than it's telling us. | 1.3059 | 0.06040 | 85 | 63 | 18 | 4 |
1706 | No, your honor. We can prove that the bunny was the brains of the operation. | 1.3059 | 0.06268 | 85 | 64 | 16 | 5 |
1707 | Your honor, may the defence rest for 20 minutes? | 1.3056 | 0.05172 | 108 | 79 | 25 | 4 |
1708 | Let the record reflect the fact that the witness refuses to answer. | 1.3056 | 0.05002 | 108 | 78 | 27 | 3 |
1709 | No, “The Pooh” is a clearly registered trademark. What made you think you made it up? | 1.3056 | 0.05172 | 108 | 79 | 25 | 4 |
1710 | And when was the last time you remember seeing little Tommy at the cookie jar? | 1.3056 | 0.05803 | 108 | 83 | 17 | 8 |
1711 | I don’t believe you | 1.3056 | 0.05652 | 108 | 82 | 19 | 7 |
1712 | Do you deny you have been peeking out of windows all over town? | 1.3056 | 0.05803 | 108 | 83 | 17 | 8 |
1713 | The defense has an odd way of resting. | 1.3056 | 0.05172 | 108 | 79 | 25 | 4 |
1714 | Just look at him. Angry. Menacing. A killer. | 1.3056 | 0.05803 | 108 | 83 | 17 | 8 |
1715 | Objection your honor, the witness was bearely involved | 1.3056 | 0.05172 | 108 | 79 | 25 | 4 |
1716 | And the defendant WASN’T fuzzy, was he?? | 1.3056 | 0.05002 | 108 | 78 | 27 | 3 |
1717 | I rest my case your honor, that Teddys can NOT legally be registered to vote in the great state of Pennsylvania | 1.3056 | 0.05337 | 108 | 80 | 23 | 5 |
1718 | Your honor, I request that no bear based puns are made about my client" "I bearly think it will make a difference | 1.3048 | 0.05600 | 105 | 79 | 20 | 6 |
1719 | So you raised your hands and said "don't shoot." Then what? | 1.3048 | 0.05600 | 105 | 79 | 20 | 6 |
1720 | I object, your honor. He's a teddy bear. Objection overruled. He's no less reliable than any other witness. | 1.3048 | 0.05434 | 105 | 78 | 22 | 5 |
1721 | Please let the defendant speak for himself! | 1.3048 | 0.05434 | 105 | 78 | 22 | 5 |
1722 | Now, let me be sure I've got this right. You claim only your porridge was eaten, your chair broken, your bed slept in...all not by you. Yet your parents found no one else when they searched every room! | 1.3048 | 0.05086 | 105 | 76 | 26 | 3 |
1723 | He claims the 100 acre woods need to be remeasured | 1.3048 | 0.05600 | 105 | 79 | 20 | 6 |
1724 | The key witness was too stuffed to talk. | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1725 | So, Mr. Bear, you admit you were sleeping with the victim? | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1726 | You can button your eyes, but not your lips. | 1.3039 | 0.05709 | 102 | 77 | 19 | 6 |
1727 | Yes, you may address the witness as “Teddy” | 1.3039 | 0.05174 | 102 | 74 | 25 | 3 |
1728 | Your Honor, I find it impossible to prosecute someone when all you want to do is pick him up and give him a big squeeze. | 1.3039 | 0.05358 | 102 | 75 | 23 | 4 |
1729 | Your honor, I can bear witness to the fact that Teddy did, in fact, have the stuffing knocked out of him by the defendant. | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1730 | Don't sit there looking all soft and cuddly. You were identified in the lineup. | 1.3039 | 0.05358 | 102 | 75 | 23 | 4 |
1731 | I submit: the witness is unresponsive. | 1.3039 | 0.05709 | 102 | 77 | 19 | 6 |
1732 | Your honor, motion to cuddle the witness | 1.3039 | 0.05358 | 102 | 75 | 23 | 4 |
1733 | No, your Honor, I do not wish to be held in contempt. The Bear's name is 'Judge Poopy Pants'" | 1.3039 | 0.05174 | 102 | 74 | 25 | 3 |
1734 | Your Honor, I ask you: is this the adorable widdle face of a murderer? | 1.3039 | 0.05174 | 102 | 74 | 25 | 3 |
1735 | The prosecution finds it hard to believe that, despite having no eyelids, you did not see Timmy sneak out after bedtime. | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1736 | Your honor, I don't see how the presumption of innocence translates into a comfy chair. | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1737 | Your Honor. I object. This witness can bearly speak. Get us an interpreter. | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1738 | Your honor, my client thought 'bear spray" was a type of cologne. He never meant to cause respiratory distress at the slumber party. | 1.3039 | 0.05358 | 102 | 75 | 23 | 4 |
1739 | Objection! That’s bear-say! | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1740 | Your Honor, the witness has expressed concern that ‘snitches get stitches.’ | 1.3036 | 0.05357 | 112 | 84 | 22 | 6 |
1741 | And how do you suppose to explain how we found YOUR corduroy overalls at the scene of the break-in? | 1.3030 | 0.05459 | 99 | 73 | 22 | 4 |
1742 | You honor, the witness is stuffed full of fluff. | 1.3030 | 0.05824 | 99 | 75 | 18 | 6 |
1743 | He's here to bear witness of course, Your Honor. | 1.3030 | 0.05266 | 99 | 72 | 24 | 3 |
1744 | Don't play mute. | 1.3030 | 0.05459 | 99 | 73 | 22 | 4 |
1745 | I called him to bear witness to the crime. | 1.3030 | 0.05067 | 99 | 71 | 26 | 2 |
1746 | The witness is nonresponsive, Your Honor. Permission to treat as hostile? | 1.3030 | 0.05824 | 99 | 75 | 18 | 6 |
1747 | Your honor, may I snuggle the witness? | 1.3030 | 0.05067 | 99 | 71 | 26 | 2 |
1748 | Your honor, I request the record indicate that the witness' expression is both combative and adorable. | 1.3030 | 0.05644 | 99 | 74 | 20 | 5 |
1749 | Defense will prove that witness is devoid of feelings, made of stuff, and incapable of feelings toward the defendant. | 1.3030 | 0.05824 | 99 | 75 | 18 | 6 |
1750 | Your Honor. Permission to treat this witness as passive? | 1.3030 | 0.05067 | 99 | 71 | 26 | 2 |
1751 | Tell us about your experience as a "Rough Rider". | 1.3030 | 0.05067 | 99 | 71 | 26 | 2 |
1752 | Your honor, permission to treat the witness as a hostile teddy bear. | 1.3030 | 0.05266 | 99 | 72 | 24 | 3 |
1753 | Your Honor, please remind the witness that he does not have the right to bear arms in court. | 1.3030 | 0.05459 | 99 | 73 | 22 | 4 |
1754 | So your memory is "fuzzy"? Give me a break. | 1.3030 | 0.05067 | 99 | 71 | 26 | 2 |
1755 | Your honor I've witnessed kangaroo courts, but this is simply unbearable. | 1.3030 | 0.05824 | 99 | 75 | 18 | 6 |
1756 | Playtime's over! | 1.3030 | 0.05459 | 99 | 73 | 22 | 4 |
1757 | May I remind your honor that this is no teddy bear's picnic for my client. | 1.3028 | 0.05132 | 109 | 80 | 25 | 4 |
1758 | Clearly, Mr.Cuddles is a hostile witness | 1.3028 | 0.05453 | 109 | 82 | 21 | 6 |
1759 | Objection! The witness is being nonresponsive. | 1.3028 | 0.04790 | 109 | 78 | 29 | 2 |
1760 | Permission to treat Mr. Fuzzy as a hostile witness. | 1.3025 | 0.05277 | 119 | 90 | 22 | 7 |
1761 | I know its only a mock trial, but couldn't you have tried a little harder to to get a volunteer witness participant. | 1.3023 | 0.06204 | 86 | 65 | 16 | 5 |
1762 | Don’t toy with us, your behavior is unbearable | 1.3023 | 0.05503 | 86 | 62 | 22 | 2 |
1763 | I told you, Poo, Winnie the" | 1.3019 | 0.05046 | 106 | 77 | 26 | 3 |
1764 | And your story is that you heard nothing? | 1.3019 | 0.05555 | 106 | 80 | 20 | 6 |
1765 | And why can't you point to the person who sat in your chair? | 1.3019 | 0.05221 | 106 | 78 | 24 | 4 |
1766 | I'm sorry Your Honor, he considers blustery a day of the week... | 1.3019 | 0.04865 | 106 | 76 | 28 | 2 |
1767 | I would like to declare this witness hostile. | 1.3019 | 0.05390 | 106 | 79 | 22 | 5 |
1768 | Counselor, you may not badger this adorable witness. | 1.3019 | 0.05390 | 106 | 79 | 22 | 5 |
1769 | Please, your honor, if you’ll bear with me, you’ll see this line of questioning will reveal important information about what happened at bedtime that night. | 1.3019 | 0.05714 | 106 | 81 | 18 | 7 |
1770 | You want permission to treat as hostile, you've gotta be kidding. | 1.3019 | 0.05869 | 106 | 82 | 16 | 8 |
1771 | I think I know how nanny cams work, your honor. May I proceed? | 1.3019 | 0.05390 | 106 | 79 | 22 | 5 |
1772 | When did you first discover that you were stuffed with diamonds? | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1773 | Your honor, I ask permission to question the bear as a textile witness. | 1.3010 | 0.05490 | 103 | 77 | 21 | 5 |
1774 | Exactly what do you mean when you say you were stuffed full of lies? | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1775 | Let’s just assume Teddy provided material comfort to the defendant! | 1.3010 | 0.04943 | 103 | 74 | 27 | 2 |
1776 | My client Mister Ted E. Bear was not doing anything but stuffing a Build a Bear. It was consensual. | 1.3010 | 0.05490 | 103 | 77 | 21 | 5 |
1777 | Please sit up straight and answer the question. | 1.3010 | 0.05827 | 103 | 79 | 17 | 7 |
1778 | Now bear with me, your Honor. | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1779 | You stand accused of plagiarizing the words from Elvis' hit song 'just let me be your Teddy Bear. | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1780 | And just what are you stuffed WITH, Mister Bear? | 1.3010 | 0.05132 | 103 | 75 | 25 | 3 |
1781 | This is going nowhere if he keeps pleading the fifth. | 1.3010 | 0.04943 | 103 | 74 | 27 | 2 |
1782 | Your Honor, permission to treat this witness as the cutest, most cuddliest hostile witness I have cross-examined. | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1783 | Permission to treat the witness as snuggleable? | 1.3010 | 0.04943 | 103 | 74 | 27 | 2 |
1784 | And at exactly what time did you arrive at the picnic? | 1.3010 | 0.05132 | 103 | 75 | 25 | 3 |
1785 | You swore you’d never tell ANYONE... | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1786 | Pleases clarify for the court,whether you are Papa Bear,Mama Bear,or Baby Bear and tell us whose porridge did the suspect Goldilocks eat. | 1.3010 | 0.05132 | 103 | 75 | 25 | 3 |
1787 | Can you identify the 4-year old boy who left you at preschool? Do you see him in the courtroom today? | 1.3010 | 0.05490 | 103 | 77 | 21 | 5 |
1788 | Remember, you are under oath. Is it REALLY that big? | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1789 | Your honor, may I cross examine and briefly cuddle with the witness? | 1.3010 | 0.05132 | 103 | 75 | 25 | 3 |
1790 | Well, he doesn't seem all that hostile to me, counselor. | 1.3010 | 0.04943 | 103 | 74 | 27 | 2 |
1791 | Do you deny not having spoken to the children in over two years. | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1792 | I’ve heard of bearing witness but this is ridiculous! | 1.3010 | 0.05132 | 103 | 75 | 25 | 3 |
1793 | I’ll ask the witness one more time. He wasn’t fuzzy, was he? | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1794 | Did you know the girl was underage when you were in bed with her? | 1.3010 | 0.05827 | 103 | 79 | 17 | 7 |
1795 | We the jury find the defendant cute and cuddly, but the chair is guilty of being ghastly. | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1796 | Objection, your honour — that’s bearsay! | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1797 | Mr former President, I'm speaking. | 1.3010 | 0.05827 | 103 | 79 | 17 | 7 |
1798 | Your honor, the teddy was asking for it. | 1.3010 | 0.05490 | 103 | 77 | 21 | 5 |
1799 | It’s bear-ly legal, but I’ll allow it. | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1800 | this is a clear cut case of neglect | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1801 | Your honor, my client clearly acted out of love. | 1.3000 | 0.05412 | 100 | 74 | 22 | 4 |
1802 | Now please,show us on the human where you were touched. | 1.3000 | 0.05596 | 100 | 75 | 20 | 5 |
1803 | Your honor, please instruct the witness to cuddle with me. | 1.3000 | 0.04313 | 90 | 66 | 23 | 1 |
1804 | Permission to treat witness as textile, your Honor? | 1.3000 | 0.05108 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
1805 | Sure, the defendant looks soft and cuddly, but he’s known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects. | 1.3000 | 0.05412 | 100 | 74 | 22 | 4 |
1806 | Your Honor, hearing the President's Teedy bear as the first witness is highly irregular but at least his account shall be honest | 1.3000 | 0.05946 | 100 | 77 | 16 | 7 |
1807 | You honor, this is the only witness who would admit being intimate with the accused. | 1.3000 | 0.05412 | 100 | 74 | 22 | 4 |
1808 | You agreed to bear witness! | 1.3000 | 0.05025 | 100 | 72 | 26 | 2 |
1809 | Your Honor, The defense will show and the jury will see that when my client, Mr. Steiff had left the picnic, Mr. Paddington was alive. | 1.3000 | 0.05946 | 100 | 77 | 16 | 7 |
1810 | Please call the next witness with emotional support needs to the stand | 1.3000 | 0.05596 | 100 | 75 | 20 | 5 |
1811 | But Nancy Ann Andrews does not think you were an innocent bystander. | 1.3000 | 0.05222 | 100 | 73 | 24 | 3 |
1812 | Yes, he was the only witness of the Zoom Meeting. | 1.3000 | 0.05596 | 100 | 75 | 20 | 5 |
1813 | Your honor, my client is invoking the bear clause in his defense. | 1.3000 | 0.05596 | 100 | 75 | 20 | 5 |
1814 | Don’t Care Bear is the latest member of the president’s administration to face justice. | 1.3000 | 0.05081 | 130 | 99 | 23 | 8 |
1815 | The psychological trauma my client was exposed under the heavy duty cycle is evident. | 1.3000 | 0.05412 | 100 | 74 | 22 | 4 |
1816 | Your honor, my client is more pro 2nd amendment than anyone, but he clearly did not pull that trigger. | 1.3000 | 0.05025 | 100 | 72 | 26 | 2 |
1817 | Your Honor, I request that you direct the witness to stop staring as me with those creepy button eyes. | 1.2991 | 0.05510 | 107 | 81 | 20 | 6 |
1818 | Could you please tell the court if the defendant seated in front of you is the person who stuffed you with drugs? | 1.2991 | 0.05510 | 107 | 81 | 20 | 6 |
1819 | Yes, I did it. I couldn’t stand to hear her say “bear with me” one more time! | 1.2991 | 0.05510 | 107 | 81 | 20 | 6 |
1820 | Could you please instruct the witness to desist with the sad face and hugging gesture? | 1.2991 | 0.05510 | 107 | 81 | 20 | 6 |
1821 | Your honor...it is laughable to call masterminding an international honey smuggling business merely a Boo-Boo. | 1.2991 | 0.05180 | 107 | 79 | 24 | 4 |
1822 | So, just what did you mean by “I felt all fuzzy inside”? | 1.2991 | 0.05510 | 107 | 81 | 20 | 6 |
1823 | Your Honor, I'd like permission to treat the witness as adorable. | 1.2991 | 0.05347 | 107 | 80 | 22 | 5 |
1824 | Cut the pooh and answer my question. | 1.2991 | 0.05347 | 107 | 80 | 22 | 5 |
1825 | Your Honor, Mr. Teddy Bear did not provide the emotional support necessary to my client during this year. | 1.2991 | 0.05180 | 107 | 79 | 24 | 4 |
1826 | Trouble Bruin. | 1.2991 | 0.05180 | 107 | 79 | 24 | 4 |
1827 | Your honor, permission to treat the witness as a soft witness | 1.2991 | 0.05510 | 107 | 81 | 20 | 6 |
1828 | Permission to treat Mr. Snuffleluplekins III as a hostile witness? | 1.2990 | 0.05317 | 97 | 71 | 23 | 3 |
1829 | Where were you the night Raggedy Ann disappeared? | 1.2990 | 0.05516 | 97 | 72 | 21 | 4 |
1830 | We seek permission your Honor to treat Teddy Bear as a hostile witness. | 1.2981 | 0.05271 | 104 | 77 | 23 | 4 |
1831 | Do you prefer to be called Teddy or Theodore? | 1.2981 | 0.05614 | 104 | 79 | 19 | 6 |
1832 | My client wasn't loitering, your Honour. That day, was the day the teddy bears have their picnic. | 1.2981 | 0.05445 | 104 | 78 | 21 | 5 |
1833 | Where was I on the 16th. I was in the crib with Joey “Messy Boy” Jones. All night | 1.2981 | 0.05614 | 104 | 79 | 19 | 6 |
1834 | Donald, we talked about the pants...” | 1.2979 | 0.05202 | 94 | 68 | 24 | 2 |
1835 | Guns?! I’m just asking to keep my limbs! | 1.2976 | 0.05297 | 84 | 60 | 23 | 1 |
1836 | You were separated at the border for your own good. | 1.2976 | 0.06055 | 84 | 63 | 17 | 4 |
1837 | Did the witness pass the required Covid test before entering my courtroom? | 1.2976 | 0.05561 | 84 | 61 | 21 | 2 |
1838 | Badger witness? Bear witness? Your honor, may I approach? | 1.2976 | 0.05561 | 84 | 61 | 21 | 2 |
1839 | Remember, you can be prosecuted if you bear false witness!" | 1.2976 | 0.05561 | 84 | 61 | 21 | 2 |
1840 | ...and isn't it true, Mr. Bear, that you have caused Miss Mom to trip and spill everything from laundry to supper while lounging in the middle of the floor? | 1.2976 | 0.06055 | 84 | 63 | 17 | 4 |
1841 | Mr. Fluffy did not shred up Mrs. Piggy, Mr. Fluff did. Big difference! | 1.2976 | 0.05813 | 84 | 62 | 19 | 3 |
1842 | Your honor, how am I suppose to cross examine 'Ted', if he only talks to certain people. | 1.2976 | 0.05813 | 84 | 62 | 19 | 3 |
1843 | And, Mr. Bear, how do you plead to Miss Holly’s accusation of “alienation of affection?” | 1.2973 | 0.06590 | 74 | 56 | 14 | 4 |
1844 | She’ll be right back. Potty break. | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1845 | Permission to treat the witness as hostile. | 1.2970 | 0.05894 | 101 | 78 | 16 | 7 |
1846 | my client has no knowledge about the destruction of the shield generator and has not lived on Endor for many years... | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1847 | Isn’t it true that you’ve been sleeping with the accused? | 1.2970 | 0.05367 | 101 | 75 | 22 | 4 |
1848 | Your honor, permission to approach the witness for a hug. | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1849 | Yeah, you were with Goldilocks that night, I'll bet! | 1.2970 | 0.05724 | 101 | 77 | 18 | 6 |
1850 | Obviously your honor this witness has been stuffed. | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1851 | This is clearly an attempt to stuff the courts! | 1.2970 | 0.05894 | 101 | 78 | 16 | 7 |
1852 | It was Raggedy Ann | 1.2970 | 0.05367 | 101 | 75 | 22 | 4 |
1853 | The plaintiff has already raised his right hand - and his left. Can we begin? | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1854 | Can anyone confirm you were in little Timmy's bed all that night? | 1.2970 | 0.05367 | 101 | 75 | 22 | 4 |
1855 | Tell the judge where the button is for the velveteen rabbit’s eye ! | 1.2970 | 0.05724 | 101 | 77 | 18 | 6 |
1856 | Your honor - I think it is blatantly unfair to be trying my client as an adult | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1857 | But your honor, it's unprecedented to take the oath with both paws raised! | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1858 | Your Honor,permission to approach, and just have a quick cuddle with, the witness? | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1859 | Where do I squeeze to get yes? | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1860 | You want me on that pillow,you need me on that pillow | 1.2970 | 0.05724 | 101 | 77 | 18 | 6 |
1861 | Permission, your honor, to treat the witness as not-that-cute. | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1862 | Your Honor, permission to address the witness as hostile | 1.2970 | 0.05367 | 101 | 75 | 22 | 4 |
1863 | My client wishes to take the fluff amendment | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1864 | Just bear with us for a moment your honor | 1.2970 | 0.05367 | 101 | 75 | 22 | 4 |
1865 | Judge, I'm simply trying to establish a timeline of where the witness was on the day Christoper Robin disappeared. | 1.2963 | 0.04790 | 108 | 78 | 28 | 2 |
1866 | Get out from under the chair, Mr. Giuliani. The bear can not testify on your behalf. | 1.2963 | 0.06197 | 81 | 61 | 16 | 4 |
1867 | This witness is hostile. Yet disarmingly cuddly. | 1.2963 | 0.04968 | 108 | 79 | 26 | 3 |
1868 | Im sorry your honor, this is the only witness willing to testify. | 1.2963 | 0.04968 | 108 | 79 | 26 | 3 |
1869 | Is it true you witnessed him unzipping his pants? | 1.2963 | 0.05622 | 108 | 83 | 18 | 7 |
1870 | For the record, being cuddly is a condition, not a defense. | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1871 | The witness is simply a puppet for the defense. | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1872 | He needs a recess. | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1873 | Your Honor, the teddy bear is refusing to answer my questions. | 1.2959 | 0.05657 | 98 | 74 | 19 | 5 |
1874 | This is the only character witness for Hobbes that I could get to appear, your Honor. Calvin was nowhere to be found. | 1.2959 | 0.05272 | 98 | 72 | 23 | 3 |
1875 | Why did you even give it a microphone? | 1.2959 | 0.05272 | 98 | 72 | 23 | 3 |
1876 | No further questions, your Honor. But would you allow a quick squeeze and a cuddle? | 1.2959 | 0.05068 | 98 | 71 | 25 | 2 |
1877 | What? He said he saw it all happen from the toy box? | 1.2959 | 0.05068 | 98 | 71 | 25 | 2 |
1878 | Your honor, bears do not have hands they can raise | 1.2959 | 0.05657 | 98 | 74 | 19 | 5 |
1879 | Your honor, we ask the jury to find the defendant cuddly as charged. | 1.2959 | 0.05068 | 98 | 71 | 25 | 2 |
1880 | Your Honor he’s innocent, bear in mind he's been confined to his bedroom his entire life. | 1.2959 | 0.05272 | 98 | 72 | 23 | 3 |
1881 | Your honor, you can tell he's innocent just by looking at him. | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1882 | You were the last one to see Winnie the Pooh alive, were you not? | 1.2959 | 0.05840 | 98 | 75 | 17 | 6 |
1883 | Who me? No, Karen stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I swear. | 1.2959 | 0.05272 | 98 | 72 | 23 | 3 |
1884 | And when did you arrive at this so called “picnic”? | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1885 | And what evidence do you have prove your name is Teddy and where were you on the night of December 24th? | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1886 | If it please the court, would your honor admonish the defendant not to expose himself to the jury? | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1887 | My only purpose is to be hugged, so how would I know who did it? | 1.2959 | 0.05657 | 98 | 74 | 19 | 5 |
1888 | It would be fair to say that you’re not as fuzzy as you led others to believe, wouldn’t it, Mr. Wuzzy. | 1.2959 | 0.05468 | 98 | 73 | 21 | 4 |
1889 | I see, the salmon was so big - for the record we need you verbalize your estimate in inches. | 1.2952 | 0.05567 | 105 | 80 | 19 | 6 |
1890 | Did you actually see porridge in your baby dish when you went out for a walk? | 1.2952 | 0.05567 | 105 | 80 | 19 | 6 |
1891 | I know he looks soft, but he's a cold-blooded killer | 1.2952 | 0.05050 | 105 | 77 | 25 | 3 |
1892 | Your honor, I hardly think a stuffed bear knows the meaning of originalism! | 1.2952 | 0.05567 | 105 | 80 | 19 | 6 |
1893 | I can't be the father! Our relationship was purely platonic. | 1.2952 | 0.05228 | 105 | 78 | 23 | 4 |
1894 | No, I don't need a hug. | 1.2952 | 0.05228 | 105 | 78 | 23 | 4 |
1895 | Explain again why your vote should count | 1.2952 | 0.05887 | 105 | 82 | 15 | 8 |
1896 | My expert witness is a 20-year veteran of the carnival industry here to testify about the Milk-bottle Toss. | 1.2952 | 0.05050 | 105 | 77 | 25 | 3 |
1897 | Your honor, his statement clearly *bears* witness to his culpability. | 1.2952 | 0.05228 | 105 | 78 | 23 | 4 |
1898 | Like I've been saying: I'm Eddie, not Teddy! | 1.2952 | 0.05228 | 105 | 78 | 23 | 4 |
1899 | Bear witness as Justice is served once again, your honor. | 1.2947 | 0.05574 | 95 | 71 | 20 | 4 |
1900 | Mr. Fuzzy-Wuzzy, you're going to have to speak up, we can barely hear you. | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1901 | He's stuffed your Honour | 1.2947 | 0.05574 | 95 | 71 | 20 | 4 |
1902 | I put it to you that he is not, as he claims, Winnie The Pooh, but none other than Boo Boo, accomplice to the notorious picnic thief Yogi Bear | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1903 | 60-40 poly-cotton blend, Your Honor, but a material witness just the same. | 1.2947 | 0.05157 | 95 | 69 | 24 | 2 |
1904 | The bear facts, sir. Just the bear facts! | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1905 | Kill her? I bearly knew her. | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1906 | I used to have your job but now I'm your new Vice President Koala Harris. | 1.2947 | 0.05574 | 95 | 71 | 20 | 4 |
1907 | Let’s discuss the Elefant in the room! | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1908 | OK Teddy, if that's your real name ... | 1.2947 | 0.05962 | 95 | 73 | 16 | 6 |
1909 | Go ahead, show the court where the man touched you. | 1.2947 | 0.05574 | 95 | 71 | 20 | 4 |
1910 | Permission to approach the witness, and give him a big hug. | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1911 | Racism against stuffed toys in general, is not the issue here, sir! | 1.2947 | 0.05574 | 95 | 71 | 20 | 4 |
1912 | But he doesn't have a hand to put on the Bible.... | 1.2947 | 0.06147 | 95 | 74 | 14 | 7 |
1913 | Your honor, I motion to adjourn until we find a translator who speaks fluent Teddy Bear. | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
1914 | And we therefore ask that Yogi's petition for pet status be denied, Your Honor. | 1.2947 | 0.04935 | 95 | 68 | 26 | 1 |
1915 | Are you prepared to bear witness? | 1.2947 | 0.05157 | 95 | 69 | 24 | 2 |
1916 | And then she ate my porridge...” | 1.2947 | 0.05772 | 95 | 72 | 18 | 5 |
1917 | Your honor, Mr. Barenstien has lost his right to plead the fluff. | 1.2947 | 0.05772 | 95 | 72 | 18 | 5 |
1918 | He’s full of it. | 1.2947 | 0.05962 | 95 | 73 | 16 | 6 |
1919 | With COVID I don’t get any alone time... I just snapped OKAY?! | 1.2947 | 0.05772 | 95 | 72 | 18 | 5 |
1920 | I am sorry Your Honor, but in order to collect the witness' statement, I must pull the string located on his behind. | 1.2941 | 0.05384 | 119 | 92 | 19 | 8 |
1921 | Bear witness as the bear witness bears witness, your Honor | 1.2941 | 0.05675 | 102 | 78 | 18 | 6 |
1922 | Answer the question! Did you defecate in the woods? | 1.2941 | 0.05136 | 102 | 75 | 24 | 3 |
1923 | Silent witness, I get it. But wait til you read her testimony. | 1.2941 | 0.05322 | 102 | 76 | 22 | 4 |
1924 | Your Honor, this witness' testimony verges on a being a blatant, and may I say, childish fairytale. | 1.2941 | 0.05501 | 102 | 77 | 20 | 5 |
1925 | Where is the honey honey. | 1.2941 | 0.05755 | 85 | 63 | 19 | 3 |
1926 | I'll admonish the witness not to get cute. | 1.2941 | 0.05136 | 102 | 75 | 24 | 3 |
1927 | Your honor, I'd like to request an hour recess so my daughter can have Mr. Snuggles for her nap. | 1.2941 | 0.05322 | 102 | 76 | 22 | 4 |
1928 | Your honor, I believe this witness is full of beans. | 1.2941 | 0.05501 | 102 | 77 | 20 | 5 |
1929 | I've asked several times, Your Honor, but his only answer is that he wants to hug me. | 1.2941 | 0.05675 | 102 | 78 | 18 | 6 |
1930 | Are you known by any other name than Teddy? | 1.2941 | 0.06223 | 85 | 65 | 15 | 5 |
1931 | If it pleases the court. | 1.2941 | 0.04944 | 102 | 74 | 26 | 2 |
1932 | You expect us to believe that, after five years of being inseparable, the defendant suddenly cut off all contact? | 1.2941 | 0.05675 | 102 | 78 | 18 | 6 |
1933 | This is not what we meant when we said "bear witness". | 1.2941 | 0.05506 | 85 | 62 | 21 | 2 |
1934 | This care bear doesn't care | 1.2941 | 0.05322 | 102 | 76 | 22 | 4 |
1935 | Permission to treat the witness as material? | 1.2936 | 0.05422 | 109 | 83 | 20 | 6 |
1936 | I swear she ate my by porridge, broke my chair and slept in my bed. | 1.2935 | 0.05250 | 92 | 67 | 23 | 2 |
1937 | Bear with me, Judge, I will prove this guy is guilty and his name's not Teddy. | 1.2929 | 0.05227 | 99 | 73 | 23 | 3 |
1938 | Your honor, permission to treat the witness as cute and cuddly? | 1.2929 | 0.05420 | 99 | 74 | 21 | 4 |
1939 | Your Honor - What do you mean he's not qualified to bear witness? | 1.2929 | 0.05227 | 99 | 73 | 23 | 3 |
1940 | You say that on the night in question you were in the woods. Tell us, please, exactly what you were doing in the woods. | 1.2929 | 0.05227 | 99 | 73 | 23 | 3 |
1941 | Your Honour, this witness cannot be trusted...look at those beady eyes. | 1.2929 | 0.05026 | 99 | 72 | 25 | 2 |
1942 | It all comes back to the fact that Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy was not very fuzzy, was he? | 1.2929 | 0.05788 | 99 | 76 | 17 | 6 |
1943 | In my client's defense, your honor, a perpetual state of surprise happens to be his de rigueur expression | 1.2929 | 0.05607 | 99 | 75 | 19 | 5 |
1944 | But your Honor, the witness testimony proves that it was indeed 2-ply. | 1.2929 | 0.05420 | 99 | 74 | 21 | 4 |
1945 | Mom said it’s my turn to play judge | 1.2929 | 0.05607 | 99 | 75 | 19 | 5 |
1946 | His eye-witness testimony is a little too on the button. | 1.2927 | 0.06132 | 82 | 62 | 16 | 4 |
1947 | I'm sorry, your honor. Ever since he saw 'Ted' I can't get him to stop. | 1.2927 | 0.06829 | 82 | 65 | 10 | 7 |
1948 | Bear with me my lord. | 1.2927 | 0.06605 | 82 | 64 | 12 | 6 |
1949 | So,you were or not recruiting for Epstein | 1.2927 | 0.06373 | 82 | 63 | 14 | 5 |
1950 | Your Honor, the witness is being unresponsive; request permission to treat this witness as hostile. | 1.2925 | 0.05186 | 106 | 79 | 23 | 4 |
1951 | Sustained! The bear witness will answer the question or be held, very tightly, in contempt. | 1.2925 | 0.05522 | 106 | 81 | 19 | 6 |
1952 | Your Honor, the bear is false witnessing. | 1.2925 | 0.05186 | 106 | 79 | 23 | 4 |
1953 | As you can see, Your Honor, the witness's story is all fluff. | 1.2925 | 0.05010 | 106 | 78 | 25 | 3 |
1954 | I thought you said you wanted someone to bear witness. | 1.2925 | 0.05356 | 106 | 80 | 21 | 5 |
1955 | Today I will prove to the court that Snuggle Bear is no softy. | 1.2925 | 0.05356 | 106 | 80 | 21 | 5 |
1956 | While the defendant clearly overstated his net worth in the months leading up to the Beanie Baby crash of 1999, he is not guilty of, as you put it, "Goldie-locking the market" | 1.2925 | 0.05682 | 106 | 82 | 17 | 7 |
1957 | As you can see, Your Honor, the defendant is not the animal the prosecution would lead us to believe. | 1.2917 | 0.04779 | 96 | 71 | 23 | 2 |
1958 | Did you or did you not tell Buffy about Sant Claus? | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
1959 | Did you or did you not see Jerome being a "meany weany butt"? | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
1960 | Yes, your honor, it’s a 2nd Amendment case. | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
1961 | Of course it applies. Who else could the Second Amendment have been for? | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
1962 | What were you expecting? It's a fricken teddy bear. | 1.2917 | 0.05322 | 96 | 71 | 22 | 3 |
1963 | Please tell the court where you were the night Timmy slept at Nana's house? | 1.2917 | 0.04893 | 96 | 69 | 26 | 1 |
1964 | Permission to treat Mr. Bear as a hostile witness, Your Honor? I know it’s a long shot. | 1.2917 | 0.05524 | 96 | 72 | 20 | 4 |
1965 | Well, well, well - Sooooo we finally caught up with that LSD secret chemist of the psychedelic 60s who traveled with the Grateful Dead - Owsley Stanley alias"THE BEAR!! | 1.2917 | 0.05322 | 96 | 71 | 22 | 3 |
1966 | I was right there when Barbie told Ken all about it | 1.2917 | 0.05322 | 96 | 71 | 22 | 3 |
1967 | Teddy bear pleads self defense to Trumpy bear`s attack. | 1.2917 | 0.05112 | 96 | 70 | 24 | 2 |
1968 | your honor i present president trump’s expert witness in the fraudulent nature of our election process | 1.2917 | 0.05908 | 96 | 74 | 16 | 6 |
1969 | Your Honor, it's clear that being replaced with an iPad has left this witness with an ax to grind. | 1.2913 | 0.05455 | 103 | 78 | 20 | 5 |
1970 | Your Honor, it appears the witness will continue to remain silent unless I apply pressure. | 1.2913 | 0.05278 | 103 | 77 | 22 | 4 |
1971 | Kushner sent in his support animal to testify for him. | 1.2913 | 0.05278 | 103 | 77 | 22 | 4 |
1972 | Your honor, the witness won't answer my questions. Can we hold him in contempt? | 1.2911 | 0.06016 | 79 | 59 | 17 | 3 |
1973 | Your honor, the witness is too close to the defendant to give credible testimony. | 1.2903 | 0.05838 | 93 | 71 | 17 | 5 |
1974 | Technically the defendant and Teddy are still married. It happened at a tea party with all of their friends present. So spousal priviledge does apply. | 1.2903 | 0.05203 | 93 | 68 | 23 | 2 |
1975 | In you own words, please explain to the jury how the defendant attacked you with the sewing needle. | 1.2903 | 0.04854 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
1976 | My client is unwilling to go through surgery for the court to obtain the camera footage. | 1.2903 | 0.05634 | 93 | 70 | 19 | 4 |
1977 | Let the record show that the witness made a menacing nonverbal gesture. | 1.2903 | 0.05838 | 93 | 71 | 17 | 5 |
1978 | Don't act so smug. | 1.2903 | 0.06035 | 93 | 72 | 15 | 6 |
1979 | Do I cross examine him or hug him? | 1.2903 | 0.05634 | 93 | 70 | 19 | 4 |
1980 | The emotional support teddy will respond!" | 1.2903 | 0.05423 | 93 | 69 | 21 | 3 |
1981 | Why don't you just tell us who did it? We all now you didn't, because you're too soft! | 1.2903 | 0.05203 | 93 | 68 | 23 | 2 |
1982 | It's not often we run across a case in which the star witness is also the murder weapon. You may proceed. | 1.2903 | 0.05634 | 93 | 70 | 19 | 4 |
1983 | Yes, I was present when the decision was made to rip out the rose garden. | 1.2903 | 0.05634 | 93 | 70 | 19 | 4 |
1984 | Plead the fifth??! Pooh! | 1.2903 | 0.05203 | 93 | 68 | 23 | 2 |
1985 | Just answer the question, please. | 1.2903 | 0.05838 | 93 | 71 | 17 | 5 |
1986 | Your honor, I would now like to call mama and papa bear to the stand. | 1.2903 | 0.05634 | 93 | 70 | 19 | 4 |
1987 | Yes, your honor, I have taken my medication. Why do you ask? | 1.2903 | 0.05423 | 93 | 69 | 21 | 3 |
1988 | You of course, no longer have the right to remain silent" | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
1989 | If it pleases the Court, Your Honor, I'd like to turn his frowny face upside down. | 1.2900 | 0.05738 | 100 | 77 | 17 | 6 |
1990 | Ah, the old 'right to remain silent' defense, eh? | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
1991 | Permission to treat Mr. Cuddles as a hostile witness, Your Honor? | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
1992 | It's increasingly evident that you don't have anything to say for yourself. | 1.2900 | 0.04777 | 100 | 72 | 27 | 1 |
1993 | "Your honor, my client feels that the description of the witness protection program was misleading. | 1.2900 | 0.05183 | 100 | 74 | 23 | 3 |
1994 | Sorry your honor.....My client thinks he's in the woods.... | 1.2900 | 0.05374 | 100 | 75 | 21 | 4 |
1995 | Did you or did you not pose an emotional support animal but in fact just sit there, offering no support whatsoever. | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
1996 | Motion to strike the witnesses cuteness from the record | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
1997 | Your Honor, I assure you this line of questioning has a point. | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
1998 | Your Honor as you can see the victim is still traumatized from the holdup | 1.2887 | 0.05668 | 97 | 74 | 18 | 5 |
1999 | Your Honor, the plaintiff will prove that this so called bear, deliberately and emphatically harassed Ms. Locks throughout the course of the day causing significant emotional distress. | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2000 | Your Honor, my securities expert may not know the stock market, but he sure as hell knows the bear market. | 1.2887 | 0.05855 | 97 | 75 | 16 | 6 |
2001 | Mr Theodore “Teddy” Bear refused to bear false witness against his friend Pooh. | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2002 | Not speaking won't change the fact you slept with little kids | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2003 | I ask permission to treat this witness as huggable. | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2004 | Your honor, would a bear false witness joke put me in contempt? | 1.2887 | 0.05668 | 97 | 74 | 18 | 5 |
2005 | Yes he did do that in the woods, but he is only a cub | 1.2887 | 0.05668 | 97 | 74 | 18 | 5 |
2006 | Now show me on the judge where he touched you. | 1.2887 | 0.05855 | 97 | 75 | 16 | 6 |
2007 | Remember..........just say Winnie the Pooh was your brother and you're also an expert when it comes to honey. | 1.2887 | 0.04851 | 97 | 70 | 26 | 1 |
2008 | You can put your arms down, your not guilty until proven. | 1.2887 | 0.05855 | 97 | 75 | 16 | 6 |
2009 | Will Your Honor please note that the witness will not bear testimony. | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2010 | You're sounding quite hostile, Mr. Bear. | 1.2887 | 0.05068 | 97 | 71 | 24 | 2 |
2011 | HE'S MY CLIENT'S ONLY RELIABLE CONFIDANT, YOUR HONOR | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2012 | Your honor I ask you to instruct the witness to stop toying with me. | 1.2887 | 0.05668 | 97 | 74 | 18 | 5 |
2013 | Did you or did you not hibernate? | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2014 | Your honor, my client was just exercising his Constitutional right to bear arms. | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2015 | Your honor, my client would like to bear witness to the People v/s Goldilocks case | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2016 | This is the part where I'd normally ask the witness to point to a doll. | 1.2885 | 0.05579 | 104 | 80 | 18 | 6 |
2017 | Permission to treat the witness as just too adorable. | 1.2885 | 0.04864 | 104 | 76 | 26 | 2 |
2018 | Admit it. You did run away from Ivanka’s nursery! | 1.2885 | 0.05409 | 104 | 79 | 20 | 5 |
2019 | i swear it was the Cat that peed in the bed | 1.2883 | 0.05020 | 111 | 83 | 24 | 4 |
2020 | Your Honor, the witness’s lack of cooperation is Steiff-ling. | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2021 | Seems Mr. Ruxpin has chosen to plead the fifth. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2022 | Objection, Your Honor. Cuteness overload. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2023 | Your honor, it wasn't what it looked like. I was tucking in my stuffing and she looked over eighteen. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2024 | No, I don’t know what happened to your emotional support human. Your witness. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2025 | Did you actually see who was sleeping in your bed? Yes or no please. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2026 | The comfy chair is one thing, but the teddy to make witnesses more relaxed? That's too much, your Honor. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2027 | Well yes, I knew him, but just bearly. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2028 | Your honor, my client does not wish to bear false witness. | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2029 | Your honor, we need an interpreter for the witness. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2030 | Don't worry, he's ambiguous. | 1.2875 | 0.06462 | 80 | 62 | 13 | 5 |
2031 | Mr trumpy bear will you put your hand on the cartoon book and Now finely to swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help your toy maker? | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2032 | Permission to treat the witness as infantile? | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2033 | I guess he is just as credible as any other witness That has testified this year. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2034 | This is not what I meant when I mentioned a "Ted" talk. | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2035 | He has the right to bear arms. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2036 | Answer the question. Your honor? | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2037 | Your honor,he can't testify against his owner. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2038 | Isn’t it true that the cookie jar was full when you and Billy entered the kitchen? | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2039 | You were the last one seen with him in Timmy’s room so I’ll ask you one last time. Where is Buzz Lightyear?! | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2040 | Now Teddy, please tell the court what exactly is Susie doing that you are filing for emanicipation. | 1.2875 | 0.06462 | 80 | 62 | 13 | 5 |
2041 | Your Honor, if the witness won't answer my questions, he needs to plead the 5th Amendment. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2042 | Your honor, my client has the right to bear arms. | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2043 | Will you please repeat exactly what you told me earlier. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2044 | It's entirely inappropriate behavior in open court, to refer to the prosecuting attorney as "Honey", Mr. Pooh. | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2045 | Does your kid know you are testifying against him? | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2046 | Don't be overbearing, counsellor. | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2047 | Really? "Oh Teddy, I love you!" was referring to you? | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2048 | Agent Punky, is it true you were imbedded in the Trump bedroom? Come on Ted talk! | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2049 | The defendant denies the accusation that he rigged the elections." | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2050 | Teddy is a character witness, your Honor. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2051 | How can he be a reliable witness if his left eye button has been replaced? | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2052 | Your Honor, the defendant has clearly been stitched up | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2053 | I bear-ly saw what happened that night. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2054 | You expect us to believe that you’re really from Vermont? | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2055 | I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2056 | Yes or no - Did you vote in Pennsylvania? | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2057 | He was sleeping with the bunny rabbit | 1.2875 | 0.05952 | 80 | 60 | 17 | 3 |
2058 | Please tell the court what you saw them do to the ballots. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2059 | Your Honour, the witness just keep repeating the words 'I love you'. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2060 | Well of course he can't testify, nobody hit his "on" switch. | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2061 | One squeak for yes, two squeaks for no. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2062 | Let the record show that the witness did not see the defendant jumping on the bed. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2063 | I motion to dismiss this case on the basis that the plaintiff is too cuddly. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2064 | He’s not talking, but he saw everything! | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2065 | Not that old, “Your memory is fuzzy,” again! | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2066 | So, you have known the defendant since he was three? | 1.2872 | 0.04692 | 94 | 67 | 27 | 0 |
2067 | Your Honor, this witness is un-bearably timid. | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2068 | May I have permission to treat Mr. 'Bear' as a hostile witness? | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2069 | He touched you where? | 1.2872 | 0.06167 | 94 | 74 | 13 | 7 |
2070 | Your Honor,this witness is full of stuffing! | 1.2872 | 0.05157 | 94 | 69 | 23 | 2 |
2071 | Where were you the night Barbie disappeared? | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2072 | May I please approach the bench and press the witness's paw so I can hear his answer? | 1.2872 | 0.04930 | 94 | 68 | 25 | 1 |
2073 | Answer or you'll be held in contempt! | 1.2872 | 0.04930 | 94 | 68 | 25 | 1 |
2074 | I understand you were a close personal friend of the defendant... | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2075 | Ah, I was wondering what my secretary meant by 'barely legal'. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2076 | Did you vote in person or by mail? | 1.2872 | 0.05978 | 94 | 73 | 15 | 6 |
2077 | Bear up and answer the question. | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2078 | And remember that you have sworn to not bear false witness. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2079 | Counsellor, I find your line of questioning un-Bearable! | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2080 | I was this close to the whole thing. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2081 | yes, your honor, the bear facts. | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2082 | He ate how many ballots? | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2083 | He wuvs you dis much your Honor. | 1.2872 | 0.06167 | 94 | 74 | 13 | 7 |
2084 | This may not be your conventional witness, but please bear with me. | 1.2872 | 0.04692 | 94 | 67 | 27 | 0 |
2085 | Then for the record: You swear you were hibernating on the night in question. | 1.2872 | 0.05157 | 94 | 69 | 23 | 2 |
2086 | I apologize, Your Honor, but Evasive is my client’s middle name. | 1.2872 | 0.05157 | 94 | 69 | 23 | 2 |
2087 | Pull the right strings and this witness will sing | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2088 | Isn't it true, you sat closely, yet completely idly by, the whole while your companion carried out this heinous crime? | 1.2872 | 0.05978 | 94 | 73 | 15 | 6 |
2089 | But Your Honor, my client was not aware of the penalty for bearing false witness" | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2090 | A bear hug, sir, is nothing to snort about." | 1.2872 | 0.05157 | 94 | 69 | 23 | 2 |
2091 | May I hug the witness, your Honor? | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2092 | Your honor I’d like the record to show the witness as non-responsive | 1.2872 | 0.05157 | 94 | 69 | 23 | 2 |
2093 | - As you can clearly see your honor, Teddy was not under the covers on the top bunk. He clearly attended Suzie's tea party when the tiara went missing. I have no further questions. | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2094 | Someone said it was a bear market, so I just started taking stuff | 1.2872 | 0.05157 | 94 | 69 | 23 | 2 |
2095 | The bear is just a place holder while the witness puts on his big boy pants. | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2096 | Bare naked or Bear naked.... it’s contempt of court | 1.2872 | 0.05978 | 94 | 73 | 15 | 6 |
2097 | I’m sorry your honor, I’m afraid this witness has decided to plead the fluff. | 1.2871 | 0.05328 | 101 | 76 | 21 | 4 |
2098 | I know he's cute, but he's still uncooperative. | 1.2871 | 0.05139 | 101 | 75 | 23 | 3 |
2099 | Permission to treat Mr. Teddy as hostile? | 1.2871 | 0.05328 | 101 | 76 | 21 | 4 |
2100 | Is this your hostile witness? | 1.2871 | 0.05511 | 101 | 77 | 19 | 5 |
2101 | Is Teddy your real name? | 1.2871 | 0.05511 | 101 | 77 | 19 | 5 |
2102 | Your Honor, I think we’ve gone too far with the COVID precautions. | 1.2871 | 0.05688 | 101 | 78 | 17 | 6 |
2103 | So THIS is the "bear witness" I've heard so much about? | 1.2870 | 0.05271 | 108 | 82 | 21 | 5 |
2104 | Witness tampering does include hugs. | 1.2870 | 0.05104 | 108 | 81 | 23 | 4 |
2105 | And then what happened after you failed your audition for Toy Story 5 ? | 1.2870 | 0.05589 | 108 | 84 | 17 | 7 |
2106 | Teddy Bear-Client Privilege isn't a thing. | 1.2870 | 0.05432 | 108 | 83 | 19 | 6 |
2107 | Just the bear facts please, Mr. Teddy. | 1.2870 | 0.05589 | 108 | 84 | 17 | 7 |
2108 | The court will now adjourn for The“Teddy Bear’s Picnic” lunch and song fest! | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2109 | Your honor, for the record I'll indicate Mr. Hugs is a over-cuddly witness. | 1.2857 | 0.05250 | 91 | 67 | 22 | 2 |
2110 | May I call you Teddy? | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2111 | Permission to treat the witness as snugly | 1.2857 | 0.05012 | 91 | 66 | 24 | 1 |
2112 | My client firmly asserts his second amendment rights. | 1.2857 | 0.05906 | 91 | 70 | 16 | 5 |
2113 | Don't be cute, just answer the question! | 1.2857 | 0.05696 | 91 | 69 | 18 | 4 |
2114 | Your Honor, you demanded that my client bear witness. | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2115 | Your Honor, I would never try to badger this witness. | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2116 | Your Honor, may I approach the witness and give him a hug? | 1.2857 | 0.05696 | 91 | 69 | 18 | 4 |
2117 | Point to where Trump sued you. | 1.2857 | 0.05802 | 98 | 76 | 16 | 6 |
2118 | Show me on the you where you were touched | 1.2857 | 0.05250 | 91 | 67 | 22 | 2 |
2119 | Your honor, the defense team believes you have a longstanding personal connection to the witness | 1.2842 | 0.05532 | 95 | 72 | 19 | 4 |
2120 | Sorry, your Honor. She just came out of hibernation. | 1.2842 | 0.04887 | 95 | 69 | 25 | 1 |
2121 | So, Alexa, you were hidden inside this bear in the "safe" house? | 1.2842 | 0.05731 | 95 | 73 | 17 | 5 |
2122 | And for the record, do you normally go by Theodore? | 1.2842 | 0.05532 | 95 | 72 | 19 | 4 |
2123 | I must recuse myself because I once represented Piglet. | 1.2842 | 0.05731 | 95 | 73 | 17 | 5 |
2124 | Counselor, please stop poking the bear! | 1.2842 | 0.05923 | 95 | 74 | 15 | 6 |
2125 | The bench is too lenient - the bench is too harsh - some bears are never satisfied. | 1.2842 | 0.05111 | 95 | 70 | 23 | 2 |
2126 | Defendant has abused its monopoly over children's affection for decades, creating insurmountable competition for millions of parents. | 1.2842 | 0.05532 | 95 | 72 | 19 | 4 |
2127 | Your Honor, I’d like to treat the witness as huggably hostile. | 1.2842 | 0.05111 | 95 | 70 | 23 | 2 |
2128 | Your Honor could direct my client to answer but his lips are sealed. | 1.2842 | 0.05111 | 95 | 70 | 23 | 2 |
2129 | Will your Honor please direct the witness to respond? | 1.2842 | 0.05731 | 95 | 73 | 17 | 5 |
2130 | Jury, please be advised, the following testimony may get a little grizzly. | 1.2842 | 0.05111 | 95 | 70 | 23 | 2 |
2131 | Sir, you are a stuffed animal; you are not protected by the Fifth Amendment. | 1.2842 | 0.05111 | 95 | 70 | 23 | 2 |
2132 | He voted for trump in person, you MUST COUNT HIS BALLOT | 1.2842 | 0.05325 | 95 | 71 | 21 | 3 |
2133 | Permission to hug the witness, Your Honor." | 1.2826 | 0.04967 | 92 | 67 | 24 | 1 |
2134 | Permission to hug the witness?" | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2135 | You too conveniently characterize yourself as a mere transitional object. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2136 | Your Honor, I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that my client did not stuff himself with contraband. | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2137 | He is claiming the 5th Amendment? Maybe the microphone should be closer. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2138 | Don’t give me that cuddly teddy bear stuff - just answer the question! | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2139 | Where on your body did Donald Trump touch you? | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2140 | Don’t play innocent with me, do I have to remind you that you are under the covers, er, excuse me, oath | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2141 | We’re going to need a urine sample. | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2142 | Using the judge, can you show us where he touched you? | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2143 | I refuse in good conscience to cross-examine a teddy bear. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2144 | The witness will answer yes or no please stop asking us where you go to the bathroom. Frank Buckley Andover, MA | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2145 | If it please the Court, I request a ten-minute recess so that I may snuggle with my client." | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2146 | Your Honor, Ted appears to be pleading the 5th. | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2147 | Baby Bear, please point out the intruder who was sleeping in your bed. | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2148 | The witness pleads the 5th | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2149 | We object to the defendant's request to hug the evidence. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2150 | Did you or did you not willingly sleep with my client, the defendant, every night for the last 18 months? | 1.2826 | 0.04720 | 92 | 66 | 26 | 0 |
2151 | Your honor, I know this is unorthodox -- and I think you misunderstood when I said "bear with me. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2152 | Did my daughter eat her vegetables or not?! | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2153 | Your Honor, I would like to request permission to treat witness as a hostile witness. | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2154 | Just your right hand. | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2155 | Permission to treat Mr. Bumpkins as a hostile witness? | 1.2826 | 0.04967 | 92 | 67 | 24 | 1 |
2156 | No further questions, your honor. It's time for bed. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2157 | The defendant is bearly answering my questions, your honor | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2158 | Are you now or have you ever been a member of the breakfast club? | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2159 | Your honor the defendant is playing possum when we can all see he's a bear | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2160 | I would ask that the court instruct the jury to disregard the snuggly-wuggliness of the witness. | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2161 | I remind you that you are under oath. Tell us how you masterminded the plot to steal the election." | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2162 | Now we come to the thorny issue of the right to bear arms | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2163 | So, your absurd alibi is that at the time of the honeytruck hijacking you were in the woods picnicking. | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2164 | No further questions. I’d like to call on my next witness from the alleged “tea party.” | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2165 | Hostile witness? Request denied! | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2166 | Do you swear to tell the truth, the bear truth, and nothing but the truth? | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2167 | Don't be deceived, your honor, he really is a hostile witness. | 1.2826 | 0.04720 | 92 | 66 | 26 | 0 |
2168 | Your Honor, I can prove he witnessed the vote tampering, if you'll just give me a little leeway. | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2169 | Can we interpret your silence as an attempt to invoke the Fifth Amendment? | 1.2826 | 0.04845 | 92 | 69 | 21 | 2 |
2170 | Prosecutor, stop playing with the witness. | 1.2826 | 0.04967 | 92 | 67 | 24 | 1 |
2171 | Your Honor, the plaintiff clearly stated 'battery required'. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2172 | Your honor, this individual claims to be a bear witness of the events. | 1.2826 | 0.04720 | 92 | 66 | 26 | 0 |
2173 | Is it not true you then heard Ms. Goldilocks declare that, “This bed is just right?” | 1.2826 | 0.05202 | 92 | 68 | 22 | 2 |
2174 | I would never thought they had an armchair for a teddy bear | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2175 | Your honor, is this really the best witness to the « supposedly » vote fraud Trump could afford? | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2176 | My client requests a short recess. | 1.2812 | 0.05278 | 96 | 72 | 21 | 3 |
2177 | Counselor, I see no way I can permit you to treat this witness as hostile. | 1.2812 | 0.05278 | 96 | 72 | 21 | 3 |
2178 | May I approach and cuddle the witness? | 1.2812 | 0.05278 | 96 | 72 | 21 | 3 |
2179 | Your honor, please order the witness not to get cute. | 1.2812 | 0.05066 | 96 | 71 | 23 | 2 |
2180 | I put it to you, Mr. Bear, that your paw prints are all over this scandal | 1.2812 | 0.05482 | 96 | 73 | 19 | 4 |
2181 | Objection. The witness is too cute by half. | 1.2812 | 0.05482 | 96 | 73 | 19 | 4 |
2182 | We need to finish up, timmy needs his teddy for bed time! | 1.2809 | 0.05533 | 89 | 67 | 19 | 3 |
2183 | I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that women, Ms. Goldilocks. | 1.2809 | 0.05297 | 89 | 66 | 21 | 2 |
2184 | Mr. Build-Bear—Is it your testimony that little Susie, seated in the defendant’s chair, promised to always love you for ever and ever and then reneged on her agreement? | 1.2809 | 0.05051 | 89 | 65 | 23 | 1 |
2185 | Your Honor, Please remind the witness that he shall not Bear false witness... | 1.2809 | 0.05533 | 89 | 67 | 19 | 3 |
2186 | Are you denying that the porridge was too hot, sir? | 1.2809 | 0.05297 | 89 | 66 | 21 | 2 |
2187 | Mr. Bear, please point out the child who knocked the stuffing out of you. | 1.2809 | 0.05533 | 89 | 67 | 19 | 3 |
2188 | Being extremely huggable does not negate the evidence. | 1.2809 | 0.05051 | 89 | 65 | 23 | 1 |
2189 | Your honor, please bear with me with the next witness | 1.2809 | 0.05533 | 89 | 67 | 19 | 3 |
2190 | ... and where did the accused touch you?" | 1.2809 | 0.05051 | 89 | 65 | 23 | 1 |
2191 | Please Mr fuzzles can I have a go? | 1.2809 | 0.05977 | 89 | 69 | 15 | 5 |
2192 | It’s your testimony that the defendant took cookies from the cookie jar? | 1.2809 | 0.05297 | 89 | 66 | 21 | 2 |
2193 | We ask the court to grant this application of habeas ursus. | 1.2804 | 0.05442 | 107 | 83 | 18 | 6 |
2194 | Where do you want me to start... When he was two.... | 1.2804 | 0.04932 | 107 | 80 | 24 | 3 |
2195 | I have no questions for this witness, Your Honor. I just want to cuddle him. | 1.2800 | 0.06169 | 75 | 57 | 15 | 3 |
2196 | Your Honor, he may look like a big old Teddy-bear, but he's really a ruthless killer. | 1.2800 | 0.06169 | 75 | 57 | 15 | 3 |
2197 | Your honor and umm... y-your teddy? | 1.2800 | 0.06169 | 75 | 57 | 15 | 3 |
2198 | Objection! Your honor, the defense has stuffed their witness full of fluff to win the affection of the jury | 1.2800 | 0.05869 | 75 | 56 | 17 | 2 |
2199 | Your Honor, don't let the defendant's innocent and adorable looks fool you. | 1.2800 | 0.05869 | 75 | 56 | 17 | 2 |
2200 | Were you chronically withholding with the plaintif? | 1.2800 | 0.06169 | 75 | 57 | 15 | 3 |
2201 | Do you actually expect the Court to believe these storybook tales? | 1.2800 | 0.05700 | 100 | 78 | 16 | 6 |
2202 | I'm going to hand you a doll that is anatomically correct. Please show the judge where the man hid the drugs. | 1.2800 | 0.06454 | 75 | 58 | 13 | 4 |
2203 | I ask the judge to declare him a hospitable witness. | 1.2800 | 0.06169 | 75 | 57 | 15 | 3 |
2204 | Relax now, you've been judged not guilty. | 1.2800 | 0.06169 | 75 | 57 | 15 | 3 |
2205 | Yes, I saw him crying, but not just tonight, every night. | 1.2800 | 0.06454 | 75 | 58 | 13 | 4 |
2206 | Objection, witness is non responsive. | 1.2800 | 0.05333 | 100 | 76 | 20 | 4 |
2207 | I’m fed up listening to his bear faced lies! | 1.2796 | 0.05590 | 93 | 71 | 18 | 4 |
2208 | Your honor, this witness is unbearable. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2209 | Your Honor, my client pleads the fifth with regard to alleged events on the night of the picnic in the woods | 1.2796 | 0.05795 | 93 | 72 | 16 | 5 |
2210 | Counsel, I deny your motion and set the bail at $50,000 as your client is a risk for hibernation. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2211 | No I won't pull your string for an answer. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2212 | Your Honor, I fear his testimony might be "too hot" for the jury to bear. | 1.2796 | 0.04922 | 93 | 68 | 24 | 1 |
2213 | Your honor, I move to stroke. | 1.2796 | 0.05590 | 93 | 71 | 18 | 4 |
2214 | We'd like a brief recess, Your Honor, while we wind up the defendant.' | 1.2796 | 0.04922 | 93 | 68 | 24 | 1 |
2215 | Sir, the right to bear arms does not refer to hugs. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2216 | Your Honor, please instruct Mr Ruxpin to answer the question. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2217 | You were called here to bear witness. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2218 | It appears the last witness was sitting on some key evidence. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2219 | Remember,...you are under oath and sworn to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He is not responding Your Honor! | 1.2796 | 0.05993 | 93 | 73 | 14 | 6 |
2220 | YOUR HONOR, I OBECT TO THIS WITNESS, HE IS OBVIOUSY A TOY OF THE DEFENSE | 1.2796 | 0.05795 | 93 | 72 | 16 | 5 |
2221 | Your honor, this so called Teddy bear, did not properly perform his comforting duties. | 1.2796 | 0.05993 | 93 | 73 | 14 | 6 |
2222 | I never signed a consent form for an intraocular lens implant! | 1.2796 | 0.05993 | 93 | 73 | 14 | 6 |
2223 | The cute and cuddly act isn't fooling anyone Mr Snugglesworth. Last chance, where are the bodies hidden? | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2224 | What was the first time you were sworn to secrecy as her imaginary friend? | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2225 | Please, Mr. Teddy. A yes or no answer. Were you not, in fact, wearing a disguise when you went into the woods that day? | 1.2796 | 0.05993 | 93 | 73 | 14 | 6 |
2226 | Yes, your honor, I do plan to knock the stuffing out of this witness. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2227 | I’m going to have to request a recess, your honor. The defendant is OBVIOUSLY in need of a nap. | 1.2796 | 0.05795 | 93 | 72 | 16 | 5 |
2228 | We respect your right to bear arms but not nudity | 1.2796 | 0.05795 | 93 | 72 | 16 | 5 |
2229 | You swear to tell the truth, so help you Steiff? | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2230 | But I take him everywhere. | 1.2796 | 0.05590 | 93 | 71 | 18 | 4 |
2231 | And do you go by a name other than Theodore Ursus? | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2232 | Your honor, the witness needs a hug before responding. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2233 | Your honor, may we have a short recess for nappy time? | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2234 | Please tell the court, when did you last see Ms. Goldilocks? | 1.2791 | 0.05646 | 86 | 65 | 18 | 3 |
2235 | Your Honor- permission to treat this witness as cute and fuzzy. | 1.2791 | 0.05398 | 86 | 64 | 20 | 2 |
2236 | I swear, Your Honor, I'm allowed to vote in this state. | 1.2788 | 0.05543 | 104 | 81 | 17 | 6 |
2237 | Your honor, we are done with this witness. Prosecution calls Mark Wahlberg to the stand. | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2238 | I was asked to bear witness at this trial | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2239 | I have no further cuddles. | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2240 | Your honor, my client will not be toyed with any longer so long as there is no sewing machine in the house. | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2241 | You Honor, my client, Theodore Bear, would like to plead the Fifth. | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2242 | Sorry, your Honor, he admits to being made in China and I just thought that might be the reason for little Bobby's freakishly high math scores. | 1.2778 | 0.06126 | 90 | 71 | 13 | 6 |
2243 | Your honor, the defendant clearly shows no remorse for his grizzly crime. | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2244 | Your honor, please direct the bailiff to squeeze the witness's tummy, so his answer will play for the court. | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2245 | Can you bear a few more questions? | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2246 | As I bear witness your honor ... | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2247 | Will your honor bear with me? | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2248 | You can't judge me. I'm not human. | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2249 | At 8:30PM last night whose bed were you in? | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2250 | My name is Donny! They never gets it right, and I am innocent! | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2251 | What do you think I am: A fly on the wall? | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2252 | I'm sorry, your Honor. He was the only witness to the crime. | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2253 | When I say bring all the witnesses available, I mean ALL of them. | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2254 | Guilty of snuggling. | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2255 | That was before, Miranda. Now you can just plead the 5th. | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2256 | Your Honor, I'd like to request a sidebar about this sly bear who barely answers my questions. | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2257 | Your Honor, may I approach the witness? I need to pull his string. | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2258 | Mr. Pooh, are you or are you not familiar with the honey scandal? | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2259 | But your honor, with all due respect, our witness saw them dump hundreds of thousands of ballots in the river. | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2260 | The interpreter has been delayed in the woods, your Honor... | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2261 | Your Honor, let's not plush to judgement. | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2262 | And is it true you came without a squeaker. | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2263 | Your Honour, permission to treat the witness as passive aggressive. | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2264 | Are you asking this Court to believe that you never heard Elvis Presley's (Let Me Your) Teddy Bear before you composed "I Got To Be Me"? | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2265 | We're investigating your claim that you're a Steiff heir. | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2266 | Your honor, since this witness will not answer the question, I hereby request to be allowed to pull his string | 1.2778 | 0.05004 | 90 | 66 | 23 | 1 |
2267 | So your alibi is you couldn't have committed any maulings on Thanksgiving night because you were stuffed? | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2268 | . Do I look like a Winnie? | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2269 | How many tea parties did you attend willingly? | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2270 | Now show me using yourself, where did the defendant touch you | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2271 | Admit it. You voted for Biden! | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2272 | I was Judge Judy's role model | 1.2766 | 0.04879 | 94 | 69 | 24 | 1 |
2273 | May the record reflect that the defendant openly offered to be taken into custody". | 1.2766 | 0.05108 | 94 | 70 | 22 | 2 |
2274 | A motion of contempt for recalcitrant witness. | 1.2766 | 0.04879 | 94 | 69 | 24 | 1 |
2275 | These accusations are as real as my client is. | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2276 | Your honor, now he is claiming he is Teddy Roosevelt | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2277 | Sorry, but I no longer needed warm and fuzzy at bedtime. | 1.2763 | 0.06098 | 76 | 58 | 15 | 3 |
2278 | He's pleading the fifth, your honor | 1.2763 | 0.05803 | 76 | 57 | 17 | 2 |
2279 | The engagement with the child was less than innocent,your honor. | 1.2763 | 0.06379 | 76 | 59 | 13 | 4 |
2280 | Objection, Your Honor. The witness is being non-responsive. | 1.2763 | 0.06098 | 76 | 58 | 15 | 3 |
2281 | What do your friends call you, Theodore? | 1.2763 | 0.05493 | 76 | 56 | 19 | 1 |
2282 | Bear in mind: silence gives consent | 1.2763 | 0.05803 | 76 | 57 | 17 | 2 |
2283 | Move to strike, unresponsive. | 1.2763 | 0.05803 | 76 | 57 | 17 | 2 |
2284 | Your honor, please instruct the witness to refrain from referring to the defendant as ‘my girl’ | 1.2763 | 0.05493 | 76 | 56 | 19 | 1 |
2285 | your honor, I believe this witness is prejudiced in favor of the defendant, Christopher Robbins | 1.2763 | 0.06098 | 76 | 58 | 15 | 3 |
2286 | only in New York baby | 1.2763 | 0.06379 | 76 | 59 | 13 | 4 |
2287 | Your honor, the witness is non-responsive. | 1.2759 | 0.05824 | 87 | 67 | 16 | 4 |
2288 | And now the barely bare bear will bear witness to the barbaric beast who bears the burden of being barely bearable.... | 1.2759 | 0.05089 | 87 | 64 | 22 | 1 |
2289 | Yes, some judges are women. | 1.2759 | 0.06049 | 87 | 68 | 14 | 5 |
2290 | Well, I don't know your honor. You be the judge. | 1.2759 | 0.05824 | 87 | 67 | 16 | 4 |
2291 | Your Honor I submit that my witness cannot be declared hostile. | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2292 | Please tell the court where this hot porridge burned you. | 1.2759 | 0.05345 | 87 | 65 | 20 | 2 |
2293 | This fellow is guilty of withholding unconditional positive regard. | 1.2759 | 0.05089 | 87 | 64 | 22 | 1 |
2294 | Please speak up. You sound a little stuffed up. | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2295 | This is Ted 2 | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2296 | Shall I call you 'Teddy' or Mr. Ruxpin? | 1.2759 | 0.06049 | 87 | 68 | 14 | 5 |
2297 | If it please the court, I’d like to treat this bear as a hostile witness ! | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2298 | She was born in captivity. | 1.2759 | 0.06049 | 87 | 68 | 14 | 5 |
2299 | Your honor, permission to treat this witness as lovable? | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2300 | Permission to treat the witness as un-cuddly? | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2301 | That’s the sweetest pleading the fifth I’ve ever heard. | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2302 | So you still claim, that this was your husband, Mrs. Trump | 1.2759 | 0.06049 | 87 | 68 | 14 | 5 |
2303 | So, Mr. Q, you're saying you had no idea the world would get so excited about your theories? | 1.2759 | 0.06049 | 87 | 68 | 14 | 5 |
2304 | What do you mean "bear false witness" your honor? | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2305 | Your Honor, please instruct the witness that support-toy/client privilege does not apply here. | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2306 | Do you, Teddimus Maximus, swear to be cute and nothing but cute? | 1.2759 | 0.06049 | 87 | 68 | 14 | 5 |
2307 | My client asserts his right to bear arms. | 1.2759 | 0.05824 | 87 | 67 | 16 | 4 |
2308 | Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to bear witness | 1.2759 | 0.05345 | 87 | 65 | 20 | 2 |
2309 | I'll allow it | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2310 | She wanted to cuddle when you weren’t in the mood, and then what? | 1.2754 | 0.06491 | 69 | 53 | 13 | 3 |
2311 | Permission to treat the witness as cuddly, Your Honor. | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2312 | Objection, Your Honor. Non-responsive witness. | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2313 | This bear is stuffed full of lies, your Honor. | 1.2747 | 0.05198 | 91 | 68 | 21 | 2 |
2314 | Your honor, permission to squeeze the witness’ tummy for his response? | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2315 | Well of course the cartographer can’t hear him... she doesn’t believe hard enough. | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2316 | Your Honor, the defendant claims he has the right to bear arms. | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2317 | Your honor, permission to interrupt the witness' hibernation? | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2318 | This gives me renewed faith in eyewitness testimony. | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2319 | He refuses to answer my questions, Your Honor. Permission to treat the witness as hostile? | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2320 | If he's innocent, why does he have his hands up? | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2321 | You honor, my client insists the way he looked at her made her feel uncomfortable. | 1.2747 | 0.04958 | 91 | 67 | 23 | 1 |
2322 | Do you swear to be cuddly and nothing but cuddly? | 1.2747 | 0.05198 | 91 | 68 | 21 | 2 |
2323 | Eventually, I'm going to make you talk." | 1.2747 | 0.05198 | 91 | 68 | 21 | 2 |
2324 | If your Honor will bear with me, this witness's testimony will not bear scrutiny. | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2325 | He doesn't look like a hostile witness to me! | 1.2747 | 0.04958 | 91 | 67 | 23 | 1 |
2326 | '"The defense rejects this potential juror on the grounds it may use its cuteness to influence the court" | 1.2747 | 0.05198 | 91 | 68 | 21 | 2 |
2327 | He says, "We got the wrong Teddy Bear - he has thousands of identical brothers and sisters." | 1.2747 | 0.04958 | 91 | 67 | 23 | 1 |
2328 | Your Honor, the prosecution appreciates a "bear witness" pun, but can we please check the nanny cam? | 1.2747 | 0.05649 | 91 | 70 | 17 | 4 |
2329 | I was just walking along when I heard this noise, it sounded like this, zzzzzz and then I saw it you were strangling my mother!! | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2330 | My client pleads “Not Quilty.” | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2331 | So, you’ve been acquaintances with the Big Baby for quite some time now. Mr. Teddy Bear, do you have anything to say about the $750 of federal income taxes he paid during the year he won the presidency? | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2332 | I can confirm that the signature on my ballot matches the one on my license, your honor | 1.2747 | 0.05649 | 91 | 70 | 17 | 4 |
2333 | You say you were stuffed by the defendant against your will? | 1.2740 | 0.05936 | 73 | 55 | 16 | 2 |
2334 | We know Piglet went missing the same day you had that big bacon breakfast. Now that seems like an awfully big coincidence wouldn't you say, Mr. Pooh bear? | 1.2737 | 0.05487 | 95 | 73 | 18 | 4 |
2335 | Come now, don't you think it's just too easy to blame my client for all your porridge, chair and bed nightmares? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2336 | Your Honor, the defendant's gesture suggests he has no idea what became of plaintiff's giraffe." | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2337 | Your Honor, permission to treat this bear as a hostile witness. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2338 | This is a stuffed kangaroo court! | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2339 | Your honor, the defendant will now recall the harrowing events that occurred at Pooh Corner. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2340 | I can't bear this witness. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2341 | Let the record show that the witness refuses to answer. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2342 | You are so full of it. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2343 | My client invokes his Second Amendment right to bear arms. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2344 | This IS technically a bear witness testimony. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2345 | Travesty of justice, your honor? Guilty. But this bear still has a compelling story the jurors deserve to hear. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2346 | Where were you when Bobby was going poopee? | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2347 | Well, he tells the whole truth, when he tells anything at all. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2348 | I implore you to reconsider. Does this look like the face of a killer? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2349 | So it IS true you are from China isn't it, Mr Bear?! | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2350 | Stop badgering the witness. | 1.2727 | 0.05041 | 88 | 65 | 22 | 1 |
2351 | Your Honor. I object to Teddy Bear being called as a character witness for the ten-year-old defendant. | 1.2727 | 0.05041 | 88 | 65 | 22 | 1 |
2352 | Teddy, it will be difficult for you to bear this cross examination. | 1.2727 | 0.04636 | 88 | 66 | 21 | 1 |
2353 | Just a simple yes or no please. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2354 | Tell us where he touched you. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2355 | In your own words. What happened to Goldilocks? | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2356 | It’s a hot seat, your Honor. And the floor is lava. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2357 | Need I remind you Teddy, that it is perjury for a bear to be a false witness. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2358 | We have ways of making you talk. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2359 | After Judy started crying, then what happened? | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2360 | Request permission to treat him as a hostile witness your honor! | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2361 | He's claiming he is a victim of children abuse. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2362 | It's my client's emotional support representative, your honor. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2363 | Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2364 | Your honor, the witness is very obviously toying with the court. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2365 | Well, this is a first. I have heard people bear witness but I have never had a bear witness. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2366 | I would remind Your Honor that this is a hostile witness. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2367 | Before I start, I must remind you that you have the right to remain silent. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2368 | Mr. Fuzzy: Were you found in the bed of an underage female on November 7,2020? | 1.2727 | 0.05041 | 88 | 65 | 22 | 1 |
2369 | Your honor, Mr. Cuddles may have a reliable memory, but as a witness, he's just got buttons for eyes. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2370 | Overruled, Counsel. It is the right to “bare arms”, not “bear arms.” | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2371 | Let the record show that the witness has gestured to the defendant, when asked who committed the boo-boo. | 1.2727 | 0.05041 | 88 | 65 | 22 | 1 |
2372 | I thought she was an intruder. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2373 | Please instruct the witness to stop being cuddly. | 1.2727 | 0.05041 | 88 | 65 | 22 | 1 |
2374 | We traced this illegal mail-in ballot to Teddy,and there are plenty more where that came from. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2375 | Winnie-the-Pooh, who? | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2376 | He may look soft, but inside he's full of those hard spherical beads. | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2377 | Who were you sleeping with the night in question? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2378 | And where were you when piglet went missing | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2379 | I want the truth” “You can’t BEAR the truth | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2380 | Kindly tell the court when it was exactly that you felt you could no longer give hugs. | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2381 | For the last time: Where are Woody and Buzz? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2382 | You comfortable? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2383 | This is their character witness? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2384 | so you admit you didn’t sign your ballot Theodore | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2385 | Why the big pause in your testimony?” “I was born with them. | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2386 | And did you, or did you not, say “if being cuddly is a crime, sue me”? | 1.2727 | 0.06312 | 66 | 50 | 14 | 2 |
2387 | The witness is taking the Fifth..... | 1.2718 | 0.05198 | 103 | 79 | 20 | 4 |
2388 | Permission to treat the witness as hostile and cute Your Honor. | 1.2718 | 0.05198 | 103 | 79 | 20 | 4 |
2389 | He can certify my client's cuddle appeal. | 1.2717 | 0.05377 | 92 | 70 | 19 | 3 |
2390 | Trumpy Bear on trial for his life. | 1.2717 | 0.05804 | 92 | 72 | 15 | 5 |
2391 | And den he frew me against de wall when Biden won! He made me pay for de hole in de wall. | 1.2717 | 0.05595 | 92 | 71 | 17 | 4 |
2392 | Being a teddy bear does not excuse you from our seat belt laws! | 1.2717 | 0.05595 | 92 | 71 | 17 | 4 |
2393 | Isn't This A real person, miss? | 1.2717 | 0.05595 | 92 | 71 | 17 | 4 |
2394 | Ok Bear Dummy Up!! | 1.2716 | 0.05559 | 81 | 61 | 18 | 2 |
2395 | And where were you on the day the Teddy bears had their picknick? | 1.2714 | 0.06410 | 70 | 54 | 13 | 3 |
2396 | Can you show us where the victim touched you? | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2397 | Your honor, the witness's snuggle was not responsive to the question. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2398 | And so your alibi is that you were allegedly cuddling at the time in question? | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2399 | Your Honor, I have a warrant for DNA testing of one Theodore Bear's stuffing. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2400 | You accuse the defendant for abandoning you at age 40 for a hot water bottle? | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2401 | Now Mr Tumbles, would you please show us on yourself where the plaintiff touched you? | 1.2706 | 0.04847 | 85 | 62 | 23 | 0 |
2402 | Mr. Ruxpin's voicemitter is lap-activated, so if your Honor wouldn't mind.... | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2403 | I can't bear witness to this. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2404 | Do you promise to bear all? | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2405 | Your Honor, I request permission to treat this witness as hostile to becoming a full-fledged adult. | 1.2706 | 0.06348 | 85 | 68 | 11 | 6 |
2406 | On the night in question Mr. Pooh, didn't you notice whether Piglet and Eeyore were covered in blood? | 1.2706 | 0.06124 | 85 | 67 | 13 | 5 |
2407 | Your honor, I’m afraid the defendant is keeping their mouth sewn shut. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2408 | Your Honor, I ask permission to treat this witness as adorable. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2409 | Don't play the silent game with me! | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2410 | Your Honor, I believe the witness is exercising its right to remain silent. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2411 | Sir, are you ready to bear witness? | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2412 | Let the record show that the defendant is constructed of all man-made materials. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2413 | Just the facts, counsel, the bear facts. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2414 | The defendant has already admitted to being stuffed and plush the night of the crime. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2415 | There will be no further questions about what happens in the woods. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2416 | I refuse to question this witness. He can barely speak. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2417 | Is it true that you slept with the plaintiff's daughter while she was still a minor? | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2418 | I wasn't cheering the Cowboys touchdown. My arms are always like this. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2419 | Body language says a lot | 1.2706 | 0.06124 | 85 | 67 | 13 | 5 |
2420 | Do you really expect us to believe that the Defendant can't be guilty because he spent the entire night in bed with you? | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2421 | Cuddly doesn’t cut it in this court, Counsel. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2422 | Was the defendant at home with you the entire night in question? | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2423 | Your honor, I request permission to question Mr. Bear as a hostile witness. | 1.2706 | 0.06348 | 85 | 68 | 11 | 6 |
2424 | Objection Your Honor. This is obviously only bear-say. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2425 | Objection, your honor. Defense is cuddling the witness. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2426 | No, teddy bears can't take the Fifth. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2427 | Your honor, I’d like to request a sidebear. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2428 | You can’t just grin and bear it. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2429 | Just the bear facts please sir | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2430 | Sustained, there's no way this witness could have known who needed a snuggle. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2431 | So you say you're cuddly. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2432 | Come on, act your age! | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2433 | Don’t just sit there looking innocent, tell her honor about your sleeping with a minor! | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2434 | I withdraw the question. May I please cuddle the witness? | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2435 | Now, what did you do next after you ran her off for sleeping in your bed? | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2436 | I understand you're here to bear witness. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2437 | "With your permission, I'd like to treat him as a hostile witness. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2438 | Your Honor, please direct the witness to quit giving warm and fuzzy answers. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2439 | Your Honor, this is obviously a hostile witness. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2440 | Can you point to the man who beat the stuffing out of you? | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2441 | Your honor, please instruct the witness to look less supercilious. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2442 | Permission to knock the stuffing out of this witness, your honor? | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2443 | Please instruct the witness to stop being cute and answer the question. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2444 | Your Honor the witness seems to be "pleading the fifth" | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2445 | We object and move to stwike the wast wesponse. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2446 | Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'cuddly.' | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2447 | He'd like to approach the bench for a snuggle. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2448 | Your Honor, I object to the unbearable cuteness of the witness. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2449 | Your Honor, underneath that adorable demeanor, Teddy really is a hostile witness. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2450 | Request a sidebear, Your Honor. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2451 | As the organizer of the picnic you were responsible for masks and social distancing! | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2452 | Objection your Honor! Everything this witness said is bearsay. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2453 | Yeah that’s him, alright. He’s the one that stopped hugging me 40 years ago. | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2454 | Your lawsuit claims unwanted hugging | 1.2706 | 0.05128 | 85 | 63 | 21 | 1 |
2455 | That's right. I was asleep the whole time. Those are the bear facts. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2456 | Jail time? I’ve always wanted jail time! | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2457 | Your honor, I believe my client will aways plead the fifth. | 1.2706 | 0.06124 | 85 | 67 | 13 | 5 |
2458 | Your Honor, i say play time is over, jail time starts now for this animal! | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2459 | He was the one hugging me. Apparently, all stuffed bears look alike,” stated Teddy | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2460 | No, no, HE is being soft. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2461 | This cannot be the way you intend to bear witness. | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2462 | Mr. BEAR, are you telling me that this child is responsible for breaking into your house, eatting your porridge, breaking your chair, and innocently falling asleep in your bed? | 1.2703 | 0.06467 | 74 | 58 | 12 | 4 |
2463 | Do you hate little warm puppies? | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2464 | You have the right to remain silent, but not to be so damn cute. | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2465 | Mr. Teddy, did you or did you not put your paw on Miss Raggedy Ann without consent? | 1.2703 | 0.06174 | 74 | 57 | 14 | 3 |
2466 | The defendant is taking his fifth,your honor. | 1.2703 | 0.06174 | 74 | 57 | 14 | 3 |
2467 | Your honor we request a recess for snacks. | 1.2703 | 0.06467 | 74 | 58 | 12 | 4 |
2468 | But you hid the material fact that your real name is 'Edward Ursus.' | 1.2703 | 0.06467 | 74 | 58 | 12 | 4 |
2469 | Your Honor, I can assure the court that the teddy witnessed everything. | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2470 | You are the only witness to the crime and the judge has ordered you to play the tape for the jury. | 1.2703 | 0.06174 | 74 | 57 | 14 | 3 |
2471 | As his only alibi, I'm asking again: Where was Mitchell on Oct. 24th at approximately 9:15 p.m.? | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2472 | Judge, Can I have a side-bear? | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2473 | With respect Your Honor, I do not sign and ask for translation. | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2474 | For the last time you must speak louder and enunciate your answers clearly or be found in contempt of court! | 1.2703 | 0.05543 | 74 | 55 | 18 | 1 |
2475 | Your Honor, he's only her to testify about the bear facts. | 1.2703 | 0.06174 | 74 | 57 | 14 | 3 |
2476 | Your honour! He is here to bear witness | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2477 | Your Honor, calling the President's main witness for voter fraud, Mr. T. Bear. | 1.2703 | 0.06467 | 74 | 58 | 12 | 4 |
2478 | I know the witness isn't answering counselor, but I just can't call him "hostile". | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2479 | Alright! It’s true! It was 45 years ago, but yes, I slept with the defendant. | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2480 | Your honor, I have a constitutional right to bear arms | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2481 | Your honor, I plead that thing do be farting tho | 1.2703 | 0.06467 | 74 | 58 | 12 | 4 |
2482 | I’m sorry. I can barely hear you. | 1.2697 | 0.05243 | 89 | 67 | 20 | 2 |
2483 | I don't believe that stuffed animals have Fifth Amendment rights. | 1.2697 | 0.05929 | 89 | 70 | 14 | 5 |
2484 | He said he was going to beat the stuffing out of you. Is that an accurate quote? | 1.2697 | 0.04993 | 89 | 66 | 22 | 1 |
2485 | With your permission, I'd like to treat the witness as hostile. | 1.2697 | 0.05481 | 89 | 68 | 18 | 3 |
2486 | Jennifer is your owner, and it is your assertation you have no idea how a dozen cases of stolen honey ended up in her bedroom? | 1.2697 | 0.04993 | 89 | 66 | 22 | 1 |
2487 | And Mr. T. Bear, just how many times did the defendant hug you? | 1.2697 | 0.05243 | 89 | 67 | 20 | 2 |
2488 | I object. He's just sitting there waiting for me to play with him. | 1.2697 | 0.05709 | 89 | 69 | 16 | 4 |
2489 | Mr Stuffy then whom, pray tell, stole the cookie from the cookie jar? | 1.2697 | 0.05243 | 89 | 67 | 20 | 2 |
2490 | My witness says he was sooooooo big | 1.2697 | 0.05481 | 89 | 68 | 18 | 3 |
2491 | I come to bear witness | 1.2697 | 0.05929 | 89 | 70 | 14 | 5 |
2492 | Your honor, do I have permission to cuddle the witness? | 1.2697 | 0.05709 | 89 | 69 | 16 | 4 |
2493 | I'm declaring him a hostile witness, since he refuses to answer my questions. | 1.2697 | 0.04731 | 89 | 65 | 24 | 0 |
2494 | Counselor, I can barely hear the witness. | 1.2697 | 0.05709 | 89 | 69 | 16 | 4 |
2495 | All I told her was to "go stuff it." | 1.2697 | 0.05709 | 89 | 69 | 16 | 4 |
2496 | I just didn't feel like sleeping yet, Your Honor. | 1.2697 | 0.05481 | 89 | 68 | 18 | 3 |
2497 | Help me out here. Now you're saying Today's the day? | 1.2688 | 0.05542 | 93 | 72 | 17 | 4 |
2498 | Don't give that innocent looking teddy bear look. We found DNA from the Cabbage Patch Doll all over your fur. | 1.2688 | 0.05103 | 93 | 70 | 21 | 2 |
2499 | So as you can see your honor, eye witness testimony on Election Day fraud is astoundingly credible.... | 1.2688 | 0.05327 | 93 | 71 | 19 | 3 |
2500 | Your honour, Mr. Cuddlesworth will bring his unique experience to bear on the case. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2501 | I believe I have some bad news. | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2502 | Permission for recess, Your Honor. | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2503 | I apologize for my client's nudity. He usually wears a teddy. | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2504 | You say you care; but what is it you actually care about? | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2505 | Don't play that innocent act with me. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2506 | Your honor, permission to treat the witness as huggable? | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2507 | So, Mr. Bear, the defendant paid you to sleep in his bed how many times? | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2508 | You can't accuse the witness of being a bear-faced liar, Counsellor! | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2509 | He's actually more cooperative than I had imagined. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2510 | Mr.Bear, Please tell the court your given, not your nickname! | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2511 | So you’re sticking to the story that your mama and papa bear accidentally broke the bed and fell into the porridge and left everything to you and Goldilocks? | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2512 | Not to worry. He's not capable of being hostile to either side. | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2513 | Ok if he raises both hands while I repeat after you?” | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2514 | Your Honor, my client, Mr. Teddy Bear works nights at a carnival so he couldn't have committed the crime. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2515 | Tell me Theodore. By what name are you known by the defendant? | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2516 | Your Honor, the plaintiff states that his porridge was not just right! | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2517 | Bear witness,may it please the court. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2518 | My really good friends call me Barkai Bear, so why don't you call me Mr. Bear. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2519 | Your Honor, my client "Donnie" demands a recount in every blue state, for the next 100 years. | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2520 | Your Honor, the prosecution finds the witness’ testimony a little fuzzy. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2521 | Are you, or are you not, cuddly wuddly woo? | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2522 | If you are finished with my witness your honor, he would like to go back into hibernation. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2523 | It appears someone has been stuffing the court. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2524 | Bear with me while the bear is with you. | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2525 | Teddy, would you describe the defendant as a loving human? | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2526 | My client did not make a cent on the sale of the 100 Acre Wood to the Royal Land Development Company. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2527 | Your Honor, this bear witness does not bear witness! | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2528 | Your honor, this witness can testify that my client was with him the whole night of the incident. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2529 | You insist you're a bear, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy, but you have no hair. | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2530 | Your honor, admonish the witness to answer my question. It does not matter that he is cuddly-wuddly. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2531 | You're pretty stiff for a Steiff | 1.2683 | 0.06023 | 82 | 64 | 14 | 4 |
2532 | A teddy bear cannot be a hostile witness; they're too cute. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2533 | Your Honor, this was a trusting, happy little bear before Miss 'Lock's lame-brained home invasion. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2534 | Okaaay...I think this role play is getting too detailed. | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2535 | When did your owner began to make light of your right to bear arms? | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2536 | Counsellor, in this court of law, please address all arguments to Theodore Bear, Esq. | 1.2683 | 0.05768 | 82 | 63 | 16 | 3 |
2537 | Of course I didn’t eat it! | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2538 | His testimony is all fluff, your honor. | 1.2683 | 0.05501 | 82 | 62 | 18 | 2 |
2539 | And can we presume you will continue to plead the fifth on ALL my questions sir? | 1.2683 | 0.04923 | 82 | 60 | 22 | 0 |
2540 | He was there the whole time, your honor, and did not witness a crime. | 1.2683 | 0.05220 | 82 | 61 | 20 | 1 |
2541 | If you don’t like the verdict you can stuff it! | 1.2676 | 0.06004 | 71 | 54 | 15 | 2 |
2542 | Your honor, the witness's testimony has no bearing on the case. | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2543 | Your Honor, may I have permission to treat the witness as cuddly-wuddly? | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2544 | So you agree then that Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2545 | But uncle Donald said I would never be arrested for planting the evidence on the Biden kid | 1.2674 | 0.06282 | 86 | 69 | 11 | 6 |
2546 | Just the facts, please. Just the bare facts. | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2547 | He's exercising his right to keep silent. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2548 | Your Honor, the first chair was too big. The second chair was too small. This chair is just right. No further questions. | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2549 | Yes, I can handle the truth. | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2550 | Your honor - request permission to treat as a hostile witness. | 1.2674 | 0.05830 | 86 | 67 | 15 | 4 |
2551 | She won't cuddle anymore. | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2552 | This seems ridiculous. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2553 | Permission to treat the witness as warm and cuddly? | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2554 | Did you or did you not eat all of the porridge? | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2555 | Can you show where at on the human you were touched? | 1.2674 | 0.05830 | 86 | 67 | 15 | 4 |
2556 | Agreed, counselor, I will recuse myself as I did, in fact, recently sleep with the witness. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2557 | I can bearly hear you. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2558 | Can you show us where the little boy touched you. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2559 | Your honour my client is not guilty of giving too many cuddles. | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2560 | I had to kill him. He said my head was full of stuffing. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2561 | Your honor, I request permission to treat this witness as cuddly. | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2562 | In law school, I had a different understanding of "bear witness." | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2563 | Your honor, I suspect witness tampering. His pockets are stuffed. | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2564 | You can’t bear the truth! | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2565 | Your defense is if we don't need to wear masks, why should you need to wear clothes? | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2566 | Your Honor, I find the witness both uncooperative and unplayful | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2567 | Mr. Ted D. Bear, the bees have accused you unlawful honey theft and nefarious activity, how do you respond to that? | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2568 | I just have one last question: can I please hold you for just a minute? | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2569 | Motion to give the defendant a widdle hug is denied. | 1.2674 | 0.05830 | 86 | 67 | 15 | 4 |
2570 | Will your Honor please instruct the witness to stop being so cute answering my questions. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2571 | Please stop saying ‘Those are the bear facts!’ | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2572 | And now, please describe in your own words what happened next after the defendant said he was going to “put you away for good.” | 1.2674 | 0.05078 | 86 | 64 | 21 | 1 |
2573 | ...I know this is hard.... but please tell the court when did you first notice your friend the pink elephant missing... | 1.2674 | 0.05830 | 86 | 67 | 15 | 4 |
2574 | You’ see, Judge, the thing is, I’m the only one who understands him...and he’s the only one who understand me. | 1.2674 | 0.05830 | 86 | 67 | 15 | 4 |
2575 | He was going to replace me with videogames! I did what any teddy bear with dignity would do, I kidnapped my human! | 1.2674 | 0.05830 | 86 | 67 | 15 | 4 |
2576 | Request permission to treat as a hostile witness. | 1.2674 | 0.05591 | 86 | 66 | 17 | 3 |
2577 | I see...and where exactly was this picnic | 1.2674 | 0.05341 | 86 | 65 | 19 | 2 |
2578 | No, I don't want a cuddle. Besides, I'm the one asking the questions. | 1.2667 | 0.05193 | 90 | 68 | 20 | 2 |
2579 | Paddington Station? | 1.2667 | 0.05193 | 90 | 68 | 20 | 2 |
2580 | Yes, Your Honor. You will hear no puns from me. | 1.2667 | 0.05193 | 90 | 68 | 20 | 2 |
2581 | But I've always held meetings in the bedroom, naked. | 1.2667 | 0.05193 | 90 | 68 | 20 | 2 |
2582 | Can you show me where, exactly, your child touched you? | 1.2667 | 0.04947 | 90 | 67 | 22 | 1 |
2583 | You expect the court to believe you don't the whereabouts of Christopher Robin? | 1.2667 | 0.05428 | 90 | 69 | 18 | 3 |
2584 | No, Mr. Bear, you may not invoke the 5th. All counsel is asking is: “Do your handmade associates refer to you as ‘Teddy,’ ‘Ted,’ or ‘Plush’ - as the defendant alleges.” | 1.2667 | 0.05653 | 90 | 70 | 16 | 4 |
2585 | I had to kill her, you see. She ate my porridge and wouldn't leave my bed... | 1.2667 | 0.05428 | 90 | 69 | 18 | 3 |
2586 | Your Honor, it appears unbearably stuffy in here. | 1.2667 | 0.05193 | 90 | 68 | 20 | 2 |
2587 | And can anyone vouch for your whereabouts the night he jumped out of his crib? | 1.2667 | 0.05653 | 90 | 70 | 16 | 4 |
2588 | He's full of it, your Honor. | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2589 | Your honnor, permission to treat the AI nany cam as a hostile witness? | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2590 | " So, tell the court Mr. Baby Bear: exactly when did this alleged chair breaking supposedly occur?" | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2591 | I can't bear to cross exam him. | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2592 | Since the witness refuses to be cuddled I have no further questions your honor. | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2593 | Don't play cute with me. Answer the question! | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2594 | Your Honor, can you please instruct the witness to put some clothes on? | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2595 | Why did you want to avoid the regular bus stop? | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2596 | Yeah, pretty good thanks. Yourself? | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2597 | Mam...Everyone, including my client, has the right to bear arms | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2598 | Can you describe for this court how cute is just too cute? | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2599 | And you admit you were in charge of security for the victim | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2600 | 'You're stuffed.' | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2601 | Is it true, you've been sleeping with the defendant? | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2602 | Teddy’ s not my real name, it’s an alias. | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2603 | It’s an obvious ploy to discourage social distancing and spread disease! | 1.2651 | 0.06201 | 83 | 66 | 12 | 5 |
2604 | You do realize that you have put yourself in a hairy situation.....? | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2605 | Your Honor, the witness is clearly speechless. | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2606 | Your Honor, the witness is requesting a brief recess for a hug. | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2607 | I’m sorry but this is an unbearable witness. | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2608 | Your Honor, I rest my Teddybear. | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2609 | He did what in the woods? | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2610 | I will ascertain that witness, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy, is devoid of moral fiber. | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2611 | Your honor, I assure you that Teddybear Bundy killed those dolls in cold fuzz. | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2612 | Teddy, you no longer have a right to remain silent. | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2613 | So you’re certain that every bear that ever there was was gathered there. | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2614 | My client refuses to testify until you address him as Theodore. | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2615 | Yes! She did sleep in my bed! | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2616 | We pray the Court admonish witness to not answer every question with,"POO." | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2617 | Your honor, I believe the witness saw the whole thing! | 1.2651 | 0.06201 | 83 | 66 | 12 | 5 |
2618 | Your Honor, I'm desperate, he treats me really bad... I can't bear Teddy anymore... | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2619 | Objection! Stop coddling the witness | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2620 | The defendant does not need to break for lunch: he's stuffed. | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2621 | You can’t say no to those eyes. | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2622 | I swear that I’m telling the truth; I did not take your blankey! | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2623 | Requesting permission to treat the witness as a lifeless teddy bear, your honor. | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2624 | Your honor, Mr. Buxburry can’t be held responsible for the contents caught on video, when said camera was shoved into his stuffing against his own will! | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2625 | Yes, the name is Amy Coney BEARet. No relation. | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2626 | I’m going to move to strike that answer as non-responsive. | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2627 | And youre claiming there was no federal funding used for the tea party? | 1.2651 | 0.05707 | 83 | 64 | 16 | 3 |
2628 | I believe the witness has made it clear that he was ‘in the shower.’ #legallyblonde | 1.2651 | 0.05959 | 83 | 65 | 14 | 4 |
2629 | Show on yourself where the bad man touched you | 1.2651 | 0.05167 | 83 | 62 | 20 | 1 |
2630 | Is charmin ultra soft your only line of business” “your honor this witness is being hostile | 1.2651 | 0.05444 | 83 | 63 | 18 | 2 |
2631 | His face says it all, Your Honor. The defendant presents a clear and present danger. | 1.2644 | 0.05288 | 87 | 66 | 19 | 2 |
2632 | His name's not Teddy! It's Betty. | 1.2644 | 0.05771 | 87 | 68 | 15 | 4 |
2633 | And, on the night of the election, did either Eric or Don Jr ask permission before hugging you? | 1.2644 | 0.06217 | 87 | 70 | 11 | 6 |
2634 | Where were you on the night of Mr. Cuddles disappearance. | 1.2644 | 0.05535 | 87 | 67 | 17 | 3 |
2635 | so you have witnessed the president sleeping during the whole corona crisis? | 1.2644 | 0.05029 | 87 | 65 | 21 | 1 |
2636 | SPILL IT TEDDY, WE KNOW YOU SEE EVERYTHING! | 1.2637 | 0.05144 | 91 | 69 | 20 | 2 |
2637 | Your honor, the Court wishes to prove that the accused is a threadbare imitation of a former President of the United States | 1.2637 | 0.05144 | 91 | 69 | 20 | 2 |
2638 | Really? I barely know her. | 1.2632 | 0.05011 | 95 | 72 | 21 | 2 |
2639 | Coul |