Contest #725


Cartoon

725

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “I’m just saying, after this haircut, it’s difficult to trust you.”
  2. “I now see why you only get me every other weekend.”
  3. “You know, pumpkins are in season, too.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2020-09-20T05:24:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2020-10-04T05:24:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2020-09-28T05:24:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued October 5, 2020
Number of captions 7679
Number of responses 1039526
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Wait, dad! Your glasses! 2.2418 0.01004 6377 1464 1907 3006
1 I say we wait until apples are back in season. 2.1808 0.01037 6168 1589 1875 2704
2 Maybe we could do this via zoom? 2.1676 0.01060 6325 1808 1649 2868
3 ..and then a blueberry and then we’re done. 2.1176 0.01134 5697 1792 1443 2462
4 What do you mean, 'YOU'RE scared you might miss' ? 2.1145 0.01122 5797 1821 1491 2485
5 You're wearing a skirt, I am in Lederhosen. There is Mount Fuji in the background with a paved road leading to it, but it's the cherry that throws you off? Really? 2.1060 0.01208 5387 1860 1096 2431
6 A helmet infringes on my liberty. 2.0828 0.01634 3042 1119 552 1371
7 William Tell's lesser known brother, Maraschino 2.0631 0.01064 6763 2388 1560 2815
8 Let’s try the Diet Coke and Mentos challenge instead. 2.0596 0.01657 2903 1075 580 1248
9 Either way, your visitation privileges are over. 2.0452 0.02364 1459 563 267 629
10 Remember, I'm a growing boy. 2.0301 0.02216 1695 680 284 731
11 Sourdough baking just didn’t give me the thrill I was after. 2.0285 0.02354 1511 611 246 654
12 You know, pumpkins are in season, too. 2.0201 0.00703 13037 4077 4621 4339
13 Dad we still have time to go to Target and buy a cherry pitter instead 1.9989 0.03038 894 369 157 368
14 These gender reveal events are getting a bit silly now 1.9977 0.03108 877 372 135 370
15 on your Archery License it says you need to wear bifocals when you aim 1.9968 0.02576 1263 531 205 527
16 Sundae scaries 1.9879 0.02694 1241 566 124 551
17 It's a Prunus cerasus marasca. 1.9862 0.02634 1309 603 121 585
18 For Whom The Bill Tells. 1.9806 0.02917 1031 462 127 442
19 I'd be happier if you were aiming at a giant Toblerone bar 1.9790 0.02876 1049 466 139 444
20 I want to change my answer. My favorite food is watermelon. 1.9744 0.00714 12873 4397 4408 4068
21 My luck. I'm in a fruit-centric cartoon. 1.9720 0.02965 1037 487 92 458
22 Then he reached out his hand and took the bow to slay his daughter." Genesis 22 [10 1.9656 0.03003 1017 484 84 449
23 hunny !!! i was going to pierce an arrow into yr toe as you've been begging me to do, but a tiny glowing ball with one long piece of hair has appeared on yr noggin. it is red and i haven't seen any color at all for 120 years which means we are both either blessed or cursed or dreaming a swell dream 1.9655 0.02869 1158 572 54 532
24 Like you always say, Dad, 'Aim high.' 1.9325 0.00767 10914 3895 3861 3158
25 Couldn't you be like all the other dads and mark my height on the tree with a pencil? 1.9325 0.00775 10824 3916 3719 3183
26 I now see why you only get me every other weekend. 1.9309 0.00818 10261 3902 3166 3193
27 Just two more and we’ll get you all cleaned up.” Apple _x_ Cherry __ Raisin _ 1.9117 0.04111 521 254 59 208
28 ünnnh yęæh šhøœt më dåddį 1.8983 0.03984 580 299 41 240
29 You said you and Mom played this game earlier? Where is Mom? 1.8931 0.00819 9992 3941 3178 2873
30 What do you mean ‘either way it will go viral’? 1.8849 0.00932 8112 3378 2290 2444
31 I’m just saying, after this haircut, it’s difficult to trust you. 1.8772 0.00827 9538 3765 3179 2594
32 Are you absolutely sure, Luka? If I miss and you become retard, it's back to living in the shed with your deformed uncle...! 1.8753 0.04690 425 228 22 175
33 Remind me to delete Chekhov from your GoodReads. 1.8657 0.04895 350 173 51 126
34 Sorry Dad, this was Instacart's substitution... 1.8522 0.05040 345 180 36 129
35 Dad, did all of my older brothers really go off to boarding school? 1.8342 0.00828 9036 3670 3194 2172
36 Have you ever seen a road like that? 1.8313 0.05142 332 178 32 122
37 Dad! Glasses! 1.8163 0.00843 8708 3643 3022 2043
38 It'll be fine. Its 2020. What could go wrong? 1.7727 0.01074 5675 2647 1671 1357
39 Let me remind you, Dad, I'm your only tax deduction. 1.7703 0.01053 5368 2363 1878 1127
40 When it's my turn to shoot, you can hold it between your knees! 1.7541 0.01104 5544 2721 1465 1358
41 It was at this moment young Tell regretted eating the apple. 1.7495 0.01123 4926 2301 1558 1067
42 Oh, the stem counts. It definitely counts. 1.7474 0.00962 6159 2731 2253 1175
43 You know, other dads just play catch. 1.7415 0.00866 7378 3239 2807 1332
44 I changed my mind, Dad. The skirt looks good on you. 1.7239 0.01172 4350 2066 1419 865
45 Be the ball, Danny 1.7019 0.06010 208 118 34 56
46 Or we could wait for apple season. 1.6955 0.01139 4157 1946 1531 680
47 Yes, I'm SURE a watermelon won't be too heavy! 1.6744 0.01318 3259 1626 1068 565
48 This is why mom only lets you see me on the weekends. 1.6706 0.01052 4848 2361 1723 764
49 I'd feel alot safer if you put on a mask. 1.6651 0.01443 2998 1606 790 602
50 Homeschooling sucks. 1.6560 0.02210 1340 748 305 287
51 Are you sure we still need to stand six feet apart? 1.6473 0.01527 2450 1284 746 420
52 Little is known of William’s first son, Percival 1.6465 0.01277 3618 1932 1033 653
53 Day 187 of quarantine 1.6275 0.01893 1678 933 437 308
54 Maybe we could try this during pumpkin season 1.6062 0.01231 3337 1759 1133 445
55 I find it hard to believe the farmers' market was out of apples. 1.6029 0.01530 2289 1248 702 339
56 Uhm, the guy on YouTube used an apple. 1.5908 0.01547 2163 1183 682 298
57 You're not William and I'm gonna tell. 1.5892 0.01665 2047 1174 540 333
58 A pumpkin, dad. How about we use a pumpkin? 1.5887 0.01429 2524 1383 796 345
59 Look over there! Squirrel! 1.5871 0.01657 2020 1149 556 315
60 The Great Apple Famine of 1627 had profound impacts far beyond the agricultural sector. 1.5868 0.01945 1481 847 399 235
61 William's dad uses apples 1.5855 0.01509 2234 1241 679 308
62 When I said 'pretty please, with a cherry on top?' this wasn't what I meant. 1.5842 0.01970 1390 784 400 206
63 Renaissance fair, 2018: "Dad, I think you have your stories confused. George Washington was the cherry tree guy. I am pretty sure William Tell had something to do with watermelons." 1.5810 0.01745 1814 1040 494 280
64 Remember, if you mess up, there’s no Overture. 1.5695 0.01738 1877 1110 465 302
65 Can’t we just wait until apples are in season?” 1.5651 0.01713 1773 1014 516 243
66 When you said "Cherry on top." I thought we were going for ice cream daddy!!! 1.5633 0.01786 1699 993 455 251
67 We have advanced to the sudden-death round of the competition. 1.5600 0.01892 1607 971 372 264
68 Shouldn’t we wait for the Overture? 1.5596 0.01943 1494 895 362 237
69 Why did you just switch your body cam off? 1.5566 0.01889 1475 860 409 206
70 You'll never be satisfied, will you? First an apple, now this tiny cherry. What's next, a thimble the size of which holds the capacity for our president to tell the truth? 1.5559 0.01923 1592 979 341 272
71 At least it's not blueberry season. 1.5552 0.01873 1495 872 416 207
72 Alright. I chopped down the damned cherry tree. 1.5546 0.01927 1493 894 370 229
73 I gotta pee! 1.5530 0.01946 1463 878 361 224
74 We could just arrow this cherry into the tree and both swear you did it. 1.5525 0.01945 1428 848 371 209
75 Perhaps you are confusing this with the story of the Princess and the Pea. 1.5518 0.02522 926 573 195 158
76 I told you not to eat the last apple. 1.5491 0.01961 1355 796 374 185
77 Tell you what, how about I fix you a Manhattan instead? 1.5481 0.01928 1403 826 385 192
78 Origins of the lesser-known William Tell Underture. 1.5443 0.02098 1332 832 275 225
79 Mom thinks you should start with the watermelon. 1.5440 0.02157 1239 768 268 203
80 Let's not split hairs 1.5440 0.02000 1296 766 355 175
81 After this, let's attend an indoor political rally without masks or social distancing! 1.5424 0.02142 1250 775 272 203
82 I never thought I'd be so glad that blueberries are out of season. 1.5389 0.02084 1184 703 324 157
83 But you can compare apples and cherries. That’s the point I’m trying to make. 1.5387 0.02150 1151 694 294 163
84 I keep telling you. Size matters! 1.5383 0.02069 1228 737 321 170
85 A cherry? Dad, why do you always have to “one-up” uncle William? 1.5375 0.02100 1146 677 322 147
86 And from this day forward Robert Hood changed his name, gave up drinking, and started taking his archery more seriously. 1.5369 0.02233 1138 708 249 181
87 I have a better idea. You put down the crossbow, and I'll compose a catchy overture named after you. 1.5363 0.02108 1184 713 307 164
88 I'm going to have a lot to say in therapy this week 1.5358 0.02111 1131 669 318 144
89 I'm starting to suspect that I might not be your favourite child. 1.5358 0.02111 1090 635 326 129
90 You don’t have to do every challenge you see online, you know. 1.5349 0.02004 1146 654 371 121
91 Relax. This is but an overture of things to come... 1.5293 0.02210 1092 669 268 155
92 I'm just saying, I don't think this is the same orchard we were in last time. 1.5284 0.02267 1020 621 259 140
93 What do you mean best of five? 1.5267 0.02404 938 581 220 137
94 Don't ask. Don't Tell. 1.5259 0.02359 983 612 225 146
95 Cherries were ON SALE?? 1.5246 0.02363 957 591 230 136
96 I miss the Big Apple 1.5244 0.02310 1003 620 240 143
97 You've always taught me to aim high. I'd like you to do the same. 1.5241 0.02170 975 566 307 102
98 Hans said you couldn’t and I told him you could then Greta said you couldn’t and I told her you could and Miss Gertrude said you couldn’t and I told her you could and the Sven said you couldn’t and I said you could and come on, come on,shoot,shoot 1.5217 0.02636 920 619 122 179
99 I know where we can get a pumpkin, dad. 1.5216 0.02289 972 591 255 126
100 Look at my haircut and this outfit. You'd be doing me a favor. 1.5216 0.02416 903 557 221 125
101 September, 2020: The New Yorker rips off an old Far Side comic. No one notices. 1.5195 0.02516 847 528 198 121
102 I would save that arrow for that bear that is right behind you if I were you. 1.5192 0.02341 936 573 240 123
103 Now I see why you didn't have many friends growing up. 1.5184 0.02393 922 572 222 128
104 Actually, cantaloupes are in season. 1.5173 0.02196 926 538 297 91
105 I would still feel safer if we were wearing masks. 1.5156 0.02368 896 547 236 113
106 Way #102 from “101 Ways to Pit a Cherry” 1.5148 0.02505 876 556 189 131
107 An apple a day keeps the doctor away, a cherry on the head leaves you quite dead 1.5144 0.02473 836 515 212 109
108 I need your complaints about eating the apple like I need a hole in the head. 1.5140 0.02477 891 565 194 132
109 No, Pop! This is not about trust. 1.5122 0.02442 863 535 214 114
110 Geez, Dad, How many times do I have to Tell you... it was an apple tree, no, I mean a watermelon tree... Washington's was the cherry tree. 1.5117 0.02512 856 542 190 124
111 William Tell's cousin - William Tattletail 1.5111 0.02658 857 571 134 152
112 But Dad, if I had known, I wouldn't have eaten the apple. 1.5096 0.02377 834 501 241 92
113 I hope you know more about perspective than the cartoonist. 1.5089 0.02525 790 488 202 100
114 Either way, this is bound to go viral.” 1.5085 0.02448 826 517 200 106
115 I’m just saying, it’s hard to believe nobody in town had an apple! 1.5061 0.02367 818 489 244 85
116 Son, are you sure this will get you a million likes? 1.5058 0.02495 781 478 211 92
117 Dad,we're in the New Yorker, in " the Big Apple". 1.5045 0.02624 771 490 173 108
118 OK, let's split the difference and use a plum. 1.5044 0.02512 801 499 200 102
119 And if William Tell jumped off a bridge would you too? 1.5039 0.02545 766 474 198 94
120 I'd turn my head and look away, but we don't have necks. 1.5020 0.02628 739 464 179 96
121 Why don't we start with a melon and work our way down? 1.5006 0.02424 789 478 227 84
122 Dad. You're 0 for 5. I'm your last kid. 1.4993 0.02697 709 449 166 94
123 Maybe we should hold off on this until 2021? 1.4986 0.02599 734 458 186 90
124 Stand still, Sundae. 1.4979 0.02752 727 474 144 109
125 I hope you"re a better archer than you are a barber. 1.4978 0.02635 685 421 187 77
126 Dad, I would feel a lot safer if we did this over Zoom. 1.4965 0.02717 715 459 157 99
127 6 feet apart" is more of a rule of thumb 1.4960 0.02530 750 464 200 86
128 Don’t shoot, please. Pretty please with a cherry on top? 1.4958 0.02749 716 465 147 104
129 Shouldn't we try this with a watermelon first? 1.4950 0.02587 705 434 193 78
130 Considering that this came out of your Manhattan, no I am not ready! 1.4950 0.02709 705 450 161 94
131 You’re sure he said cherry on top? 1.4950 0.02569 703 430 198 75
132 I do not question your aim, merely your selection of fruit. 1.4946 0.02730 653 407 169 77
133 Dad, where is my brother? 1.4935 0.02758 691 445 151 95
134 I don't think holding still is the problem. 1.4934 0.02577 679 412 199 68
135 Mom wasn’t eaten by wolves, was she? 1.4933 0.02733 671 424 163 84
136 Is it my turn yet? 1.4929 0.02761 700 452 146 99
137 No do-overtures. 1.4926 0.02806 678 440 142 96
138 Can’t I just have a time out? 1.4925 0.02742 668 423 161 84
139 Hope your aim is better here than it is in the bathroom. 1.4918 0.02759 673 430 155 88
140 Unknown to most historians, William Tell had a less fortunate daughter named Willow. 1.4902 0.02675 661 419 152 79
141 Two minutes, I promise. I just have to pee. 1.4894 0.02733 660 417 163 80
142 But I'd really love to hear that overture they wrote for you. First. 1.4894 0.02665 660 409 179 72
143 There's got to be an easier way to do a gender reveal. 1.4876 0.02896 646 425 127 94
144 Wait! Is this why I don't have a Mom? 1.4867 0.02774 639 405 157 77
145 It’s fine! More people die from the flu. 1.4850 0.02859 600 381 147 72
146 Maybe next time we could just do this over Zoom? 1.4848 0.02740 627 392 166 69
147 A crab apple? 1.4848 0.02937 627 414 122 91
148 If you pull this off, I'm gonna tell everyone you popped my cherry! 1.4848 0.03106 627 434 82 111
149 The day Mathew Maraschino became legend. 1.4847 0.02950 621 410 121 90
150 You could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and wouldn't lose any voters. 1.4847 0.03037 621 420 101 100
151 You’re adopted. 1.4835 0.03033 606 406 107 93
152 Although feeling somewhat uneasy, Walter was really dreading blueberry season 1.4825 0.02814 599 377 155 67
153 This is why dads shouldn't babysit. 1.4825 0.02902 599 386 137 76
154 You say you've done this before with some degree of accuracy? 1.4817 0.02926 600 390 131 79
155 Closer.....closer.... 1.4817 0.02770 600 374 163 63
156 How ‘bout we first start with a game of hide and seek? 1.4806 0.02844 593 376 149 68
157 I blame gravity 1.4797 0.03144 592 407 86 99
158 Should we watch the YouTube tutorial one more time? 1.4795 0.02900 586 376 139 71
159 This doesn't seem safe. Where's your mask? 1.4786 0.02971 562 362 131 69
160 Don't look at me like that. 1.4775 0.03034 601 405 105 91
161 It was at this moment, when little Charlie regretted having eaten all the apples 1.4775 0.02845 601 385 145 71
162 Last time that kid says, "Pretty please with a cherry on top." 1.4774 0.03078 576 386 105 85
163 Come to think of it, it wasn't cherry. I cut down a watermelon tree. 1.4774 0.02885 576 367 143 66
164 Next year, I'm going with Mom to Take Your Child to Work Day. 1.4772 0.02950 570 368 132 70
165 Okay, Dad. No more sundaes. 1.4763 0.03067 569 379 109 81
166 We never yodel anymore. 1.4762 0.03024 546 354 124 68
167 An apple's been done, a cherry's been done--but a watermelon?NEVER been done! 1.4756 0.02940 553 353 137 63
168 How come they call me brave when you look at me like this is a stupid idea? 1.4750 0.06203 160 113 18 29
169 Don’t worry, Father. It’s 2020...what could possibly go wrong? 1.4748 0.03016 556 363 122 71
170 William Tell: SVU 1.4740 0.03059 578 388 106 84
171 Why does making a garnish always have to be such a big deal? 1.4735 0.03203 547 373 89 85
172 Let me understand this- I take all the risk, and you get all the credit? 1.4731 0.02873 539 344 138 57
173 Mom always uses the cherry pitter. 1.4729 0.02917 573 370 135 68
174 Seriously, Dad, I'm thinking you should go larger or go home.... 1.4726 0.03209 548 375 87 86
175 Don't be scared, Dad. I do this in Fortnite every day. 1.4709 0.03246 533 365 85 83
176 You realize that Gary Larson did this years ago 1.4709 0.03169 533 358 99 76
177 Whoa! Where's that pumpkin you were practicing with last week? 1.4708 0.02861 565 359 146 60
178 What do you mean, “on average”? 1.4704 0.03004 523 335 130 58
179 We're going out for ice cream after, right? 1.4691 0.02778 550 340 162 48
180 Dad, I think it's supposed to be an apple, not a crabapple. 1.4690 0.03156 548 372 95 81
181 If it's OK with you, let's just make up some fake news. 1.4677 0.03197 541 370 89 82
182 You can buy them already pitted. 1.4663 0.02957 534 343 133 58
183 The end of the Tell family line in Switzerland. 1.4661 0.03082 502 325 120 57
184 These Apple products keep getting smaller. 1.4656 0.03138 509 336 109 64
185 And you wonder why I’m a momma’s boy? 1.4656 0.03138 509 336 109 64
186 I think I should use the restroom 1.4655 0.03194 537 367 90 80
187 Can we plant watermelons next year, Papa? 1.4655 0.02909 537 342 140 55
188 I probably should mention I'm also color blind. 1.4654 0.03181 535 364 93 78
189 How about I put the arrowhead on my head, and you shoot the cherry at me? 1.4651 0.03061 501 323 123 55
190 It can't be any worse than this haircut. 1.4647 0.02796 538 334 158 46
191 Be practical, this is not the time to split heirs. 1.4640 0.03099 528 351 109 68
192 Apple, the origin story” 1.4634 0.03320 492 336 84 72
193 Dad, I really think tying the stem with your tongue would be more impressive. 1.4632 0.03373 475 324 82 69
194 Why can't we just focus on fishing and let Uncle William be best at archery? 1.4617 0.03137 509 338 107 64
195 When I said we should start small, I meant big. 1.4611 0.03140 475 308 115 52
196 What happens next? Time will tell. 1.4609 0.03220 512 348 92 72
197 The little known story of William Tell's other son. 1.4607 0.03097 484 313 119 52
198 Can we practice with the apple some more? 1.4606 0.03229 482 321 100 61
199 Is this the Overture or the Finale? 1.4592 0.03102 503 331 113 59
200 I heard an apple works better. Just sayin. 1.4591 0.02912 501 315 142 44
201 Sorry, liebschen. Bad apple harvest this year. 1.4589 0.03182 475 312 108 55
202 "William told me any fool can do it with an apple 1.4589 0.03325 475 325 83 67
203 You are sure the optometrist said 20 20? 1.4589 0.03332 475 323 86 66
204 Well, in THIS case, size DOES matter, Dad!” 1.4589 0.03168 475 311 110 54
205 Or we could go fishing. 1.4584 0.02931 493 310 140 43
206 It's not true. Size does matter. 1.4578 0.03201 474 313 105 56
207 Wish we hadn't eaten the watermelon. 1.4571 0.03227 466 308 103 55
208 Let's make it an apple and I won't tell mom about that thing with the sheep. 1.4566 0.03218 484 324 99 61
209 Let’s make applesauce 1.4560 0.03372 489 341 73 75
210 I had no choice - none of the apples were organic. 1.4555 0.03320 494 342 79 73
211 I just think we should wait a few more days for Pumpkin Spice season 1.4547 0.03312 486 334 83 69
212 My story asks for an apple - the cherry goes with George Washington 1.4540 0.03315 478 327 85 66
213 Don’t you think we can come up with a better father-son activity? 1.4528 0.03338 466 318 85 63
214 William "Don't Tell Mom" 1.4521 0.03420 449 308 79 62
215 FYI, there’s a watermelon in the fridge. 1.4520 0.03124 469 306 114 49
216 Why is there a paved two-lane asphalt highway behind me? 1.4520 0.03210 469 312 102 55
217 It's all they had left at the farmer's market. Do you want to do this thing or not? 1.4520 0.03349 469 322 82 65
218 Perhaps we should wait until apples are in season! 1.4520 0.03080 469 303 120 46
219 Are you wearing your contacts? 1.4518 0.03332 467 319 85 63
220 Just my luck... cherry season. 1.4518 0.03089 467 302 119 46
221 The way I see it, either you nail it or it’s not my problem anymore. 1.4518 0.03234 467 312 99 56
222 Omg! There’s a bear behind you! 1.4508 0.03301 457 308 92 57
223 Of course I trust you dad. It's the arrow I'm not so sure about. 1.4505 0.03313 444 297 94 53
224 I'm sorry I ate your apple, Mr. Tell. Really, I am. 1.4498 0.03281 458 308 94 56
225 Aim high for once in your life. 1.4498 0.03178 458 301 108 49
226 Oh, alright, I'll show you how to set up an Instagram account. 1.4489 0.03310 450 303 92 55
227 I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be a cherry. 1.4487 0.03365 448 305 85 58
228 I am allergic to apples. 1.4467 0.03426 450 312 75 63
229 The selection of a cherry, rather than an apple, confirmed William's suspicion of his step-father. 1.4465 0.03161 430 277 114 39
230 I'm starting to wish we visited the apple orchard instead. 1.4464 0.03380 448 307 82 59
231 Let's quit while we're ahead and I still have one. 1.4452 0.03266 438 291 99 48
232 On second thought, I will clean my room. 1.4442 0.03147 439 285 113 41
233 Can't we wait until apple season starts? 1.4439 0.03187 428 278 110 40
234 Okay, I'm sorry that I ate the apple! 1.4439 0.02974 428 266 134 28
235 Hey, Dad! Can you just hold on a sec while I go get a cantaloupe? 1.4439 0.03467 428 295 76 57
236 Make sure this an overture, not a finale. 1.4439 0.03213 428 281 102 43
237 Dad, this isn’t what I meant when I said I wanted ice cream. 1.4439 0.03588 419 294 64 61
238 Dad , are you sure you don't want to wait for the pumpkin season? 1.4439 0.03183 419 270 112 37
239 I hope you make this one. You're running out of children. 1.4433 0.03489 406 276 80 50
240 Trust me Dad. This is how you become an internet sensation- 1.4429 0.03413 429 293 82 54
241 Do tell? No! Don't, Tell. 1.4423 0.03669 407 288 58 61
242 Can’t I just get grounded like a normal kid? 1.4408 0.03148 422 272 114 36
243 Your Trust Exercises are hard. 1.4405 0.03434 420 287 81 52
244 The Legend of William Don't Tell 1.4405 0.03212 420 274 107 39
245 Dad, the king asked whether I could dance and sing, not whether you could lance a bing. 1.4397 0.03413 398 266 89 43
246 You just had to tell everyone how easy the apple was. 1.4383 0.03231 413 270 105 38
247 Can I take back the crack about the skirt? 1.4383 0.03268 413 272 101 40
248 What say we swap out the cherry for an apple? 1.4383 0.03494 413 285 75 53
249 I know I said cherry pie is my favorite, but I think I’m leaning towards pumpkin. 1.4383 0.03250 413 271 103 39
250 It's just an expression, Dad, and I said it with a twinge of teenage sarcasm. 1.4383 0.03460 413 283 79 51
251 You know, you could just get that little cherry pitter gadget. 1.4383 0.03231 413 270 105 38
252 Mom always uses an apple. 1.4380 0.03242 411 269 104 38
253 You're not the only one with a quiver. 1.4380 0.03386 411 276 88 46
254 Practice makes perfect!!! 1.4373 0.03498 407 280 76 51
255 How about we go virtual on this one? 1.4353 0.03008 402 277 84 40
256 Cherry on top. Mount Fuji appears out of nowhere. We must be in a Murakami novel. 1.4351 0.03700 370 257 65 48
257 Pit or miss. 1.4350 0.03578 400 279 68 53
258 Apple said it would be copyright infringement... 1.4350 0.03435 400 271 84 45
259 Why don’t we spend weekends yodeling like normal families? 1.4347 0.03355 398 265 93 40
260 You couldn't find an apple? 1.4347 0.03538 398 275 73 50
261 Can I go home and get an apple and your eye glasses? 1.4347 0.03355 398 265 93 40
262 Can’t we just buy a cherry pitter like a normal family? 1.4332 0.03544 397 275 72 50
263 I regret not choosing ‘truth’. 1.4332 0.03489 374 251 84 39
264 William Maraschino never got the fame he deserved. 1.4322 0.03279 391 266 85 40
265 Why couldn't we stick to apples? 1.4322 0.03548 391 270 73 48
266 This may or may not hurt. 1.4322 0.03492 391 267 79 45
267 A watermelon would work just fine, dad. 1.4319 0.03188 389 250 110 29
268 Although William Tell gained fame for shooting an apple off his sons head,his tragic attempt with a cherry and the neighbor boy was never publicized . 1.4315 0.03303 387 254 99 34
269 So if you lose, I get ice cream after this, right? 1.4315 0.03575 387 268 71 48
270 Father, could we start with a watermelon or at least a large apple? 1.4311 0.03632 392 276 63 53
271 What do you mean ‘Jim used to volunteer, but has moved on’? 1.4298 0.03601 349 235 78 36
272 You always said “aim high.” I’m sure you were right. 1.4297 0.03237 384 249 105 30
273 You want a cherry; I want a watermelon. Can we compromise and use an apple? 1.4289 0.02923 380 254 91 29
274 Is this when I lose my cherry?" 1.4278 0.03627 374 260 68 46
275 How about an apple? Apples are good. 1.4271 0.03277 377 246 101 30
276 Is this what happened to Mom? 1.4255 0.03477 369 249 83 37
277 I wouldn't have eaten that apple off the table if I had known what you had planned to do with it. 1.4255 0.03602 369 255 71 43
278 Or, you could just teach me to ride a bicycle. 1.4255 0.03304 369 241 99 29
279 You know, you're gonna spend years in therapy over this. 1.4254 0.03325 362 236 98 28
280 Are you sure there’s nothing good to watch on Netflix? 1.4249 0.03809 353 250 56 47
281 Don’t worry I’m basically 9 out of 10 on these things. 1.4247 0.03631 365 253 69 43
282 Trust me, my degree in archery is from Trump University 1.4247 0.03693 365 256 63 46
283 Allow me to borrow your bow for a minute, and I'll return it -- no strings attached." 1.4244 0.04186 271 187 53 31
284 Dad, when you said a small, red fruit, I was kinda thinking of an apple. 1.4241 0.03777 349 245 60 44
285 Or,we could go on a nice bike ride! 1.4241 0.03529 349 234 82 33
286 I do trust you, Dad, but I'd still prefer the watermelon. 1.4241 0.03458 349 231 88 30
287 When you said cherry on top, I thought you meant an ice cream sundae. 1.4241 0.03621 349 238 74 37
288 Alexa, queue ‘hit me with your best shot’ 1.4238 0.03597 361 248 73 40
289 Your rivalry with William Tell is getting unhealthy. 1.4236 0.03590 347 235 77 35
290 I was led to believe this involved ice cream. 1.4227 0.03392 362 240 91 31
291 Now you're just showing off. 1.4218 0.03618 358 247 71 40
292 Because you are my least favorite, that's why. Now hold still. 1.4218 0.03725 358 252 60 45
293 This is not how the Swiss pit our cherries. 1.4209 0.03777 354 251 57 46
294 The president said it was safe! 1.4207 0.03725 347 242 64 41
295 Father, let’s not split heirs 1.4205 0.03685 352 245 66 41
296 Dad,,please put your glasses on.. 1.4202 0.03469 357 240 84 33
297 Dad, please don't let your past success go to my head. 1.4195 0.03557 348 236 78 34
298 What happened to the Big Apple? 1.4188 0.03511 351 237 81 33
299 Next time I’m doing the shopping. 1.4174 0.03761 345 243 60 42
300 Are you sure this will cure the hiccups? 1.4174 0.03482 345 231 84 30
301 Is this about the haircut? Be honest. 1.4169 0.03321 343 223 97 23
302 Squirrel! 1.4162 0.03562 334 225 79 30
303 Papa, I believe you have the George Washington story terribly wrong 1.4144 0.03644 333 228 72 33
304 Could you at least put on your glasses? 1.4142 0.03531 338 228 80 30
305 What do you mean, your 'other sons'? 1.4118 0.03619 323 219 75 29
306 I am not doing this until you tell me what happened to Mom. 1.4109 0.03632 331 227 72 32
307 Man, boy, apple, arrow, Alps 1.4109 0.03781 331 233 60 38
308 I'm beginning to think that I'm not your favorite son, after all. 1.4109 0.03344 331 216 94 21
309 So I picked what was in season—shoot me. 1.4109 0.03582 331 225 76 30
310 It's a shame watermelon aren't in season. 1.4103 0.03870 329 235 53 41
311 For the insurance papers: I wanted an apple. 1.4099 0.03731 322 223 66 33
312 Why not wait until pumpkin season? 1.4099 0.03545 322 216 80 26
313 The hat, the beard, the cross-bow, and the outfit are all perfect, but I still get this nagging feeling that we’ve gotten something wrong. 1.4099 0.03434 322 212 88 22
314 Just a sec, dad. Would it make a difference if you knew I'm now your daughter? 1.4099 0.03884 322 229 54 39
315 Quick ... before TikTok is banned 1.4099 0.03808 322 226 60 36
316 Whoever said that size does not matter is definitely wrong. 1.4093 0.04615 215 150 42 23
317 It was the biggest cherry I could find 1.4088 0.03919 318 227 52 39
318 What say I make you a Manhattan and we wait for the apple harvest, Dad? 1.4075 0.03566 319 215 78 26
319 Thus began and ended the Legend of Johnny Cherryseed. 1.4073 0.03937 302 213 55 34
320 This isn't the way I wanted to lose my cherry! 1.4069 0.03927 317 227 51 39
321 Wait! I have an idea for a new Claes Oldenburg sculpture! 1.4069 0.03609 317 215 75 27
322 Father, just remember, you’ve had a vasectomy. 1.4069 0.03745 317 220 65 32
323 What was wrong with the pumpkin? 1.4069 0.03582 317 214 77 26
324 Shooting apples is so 1380's 1.4065 0.03928 310 222 49 38
325 Ok, but next time you order apples for home delivery you have to say "no substitutions". 1.4051 0.03769 311 216 64 31
326 Johann's father can shoot the target with his eyes closed. 1.4051 0.04036 316 231 42 43
327 Is now the wrong time to tell you I have the hiccups? 1.4038 0.03353 312 223 60 28
328 You and Uncle William are so competitive 1.4038 0.03619 312 212 74 26
329 Our name is "Tell", of course Mom's going to hear about it. 1.4033 0.03780 300 207 65 28
330 So, I’m guessing this has to do with me asking if there’s any real difference between a tunic and a dress. 1.4033 0.03821 305 213 61 31
331 Aim high, Dad. 1.4032 0.03664 310 212 71 27
332 And if you miss my dying wish is that the next President will nominate RBGs replacement. 1.4032 0.03831 310 218 59 33
333 Okay, maybe not a pumpkin, but can we at least compromise? 1.4032 0.03969 315 228 47 40
334 Dad, I think its time you stopped drinking Manhattans while reading William Burroughs! 1.4026 0.03811 303 211 62 30
335 Ok Dad - jeez, I'll clean up my room! 1.4026 0.03957 308 221 50 37
336 This seems safer than being alone with the President. 1.4013 0.03817 299 208 62 29
337 Are you trying to get me killed? Put on a mask! 1.4007 0.03804 302 213 58 31
338 What do you mean, double or nothing? 1.4000 0.03718 300 206 68 26
339 Can’t you practice on your OWN kid? 1.4000 0.03627 300 203 74 23
340 The day William rose to his level of incompetence. 1.4000 0.03854 295 206 60 29
341 I ate it. I was hoping to keep the doctor away. 1.3993 0.03970 298 213 51 34
342 You need to research your historical re-enactments better. The cherry tree was George Washington; the apple on the head was William Tell. 1.3980 0.03930 299 213 53 33
343 But I'm sure I heard him say "mcintosh," not "maraschino." 1.3973 0.03619 297 201 74 22
344 I think I’m in the wrong story. 1.3973 0.03920 297 211 54 32
345 How about we try a water melon first. 1.3973 0.03712 297 204 68 25
346 If you use an apple, they'll write an overture for you. 1.3973 0.03712 297 204 68 25
347 How did the appointment with the eye doctor turn out? 1.3966 0.03613 290 195 75 20
348 May I make a suggestion? 1.3959 0.03746 293 202 66 25
349 Seeing as Halloween is just around the corner, wouldn't a pumpkin be more appropriate? 1.3958 0.03352 288 201 66 21
350 It’s 2020, nothing could go wrong. 1.3952 0.03811 291 205 58 28
351 Are you telling me there's no risk because you don't want to panic me? 1.3949 0.04008 276 195 53 28
352 Don't point there! 1.3936 0.04163 282 206 41 35
353 I hope your vision is better than 2020. 1.3936 0.04163 282 206 41 35
354 It's just a gender reveal! What could go wrong? 1.3929 0.04154 280 204 42 34
355 Wait, isn't this the maraschino cherry from the cocktail you just drank? 1.3921 0.03750 278 190 67 21
356 There is no chance in hell this will be accurately reported hundreds of years from now 1.3915 0.03822 281 195 62 24
357 My pastor says I have to keep this until I get married 1.3899 0.04216 277 204 38 35
358 Social distancing notwithstanding, daddy, perhaps you could step a couple of feet closer? 1.3899 0.03686 277 188 70 19
359 The rule says to use a fruit the size of a normal human brain, not Donald Trump's brain! 1.3899 0.03960 277 196 54 27
360 As a motivational speaker , I say . . . AIM HIGH! 1.3899 0.03860 277 193 60 24
361 Dad, when are you going back to work? 1.3889 0.03965 270 190 55 25
362 If you hit the cherry,the pandemic ends. If you hit me,I don't have to deal with the pandemic anymore. Either way,I win. 1.3885 0.03711 278 190 68 20
363 Is this how Granny Smith died? 1.3877 0.03968 276 196 53 27
364 William Tell: The Lesser Known Works 1.3877 0.03968 276 196 53 27
365 What's the hurry dad? The other fruit will be ready in September! 1.3877 0.04067 276 199 47 30
366 I know crabapples are technically apples, that’s not my point. 1.3877 0.03799 276 191 63 22
367 I forgot the apple password 1.3860 0.03836 272 189 61 22
368 Wait, no. Do the one where you tie the stem with your tongue. 1.3860 0.03836 272 189 61 22
369 This explains the apple in my Shirley Temple. 1.3860 0.03975 272 193 53 26
370 Look, if things were up to me I wouldn’t be wearing this dress. But here we are. 1.3858 0.04166 267 194 43 30
371 You've done this before, right? 1.3852 0.04131 270 196 44 30
372 Might I suggest a melon? 1.3852 0.03558 270 180 76 14
373 And another thing. I am not in fact your son. 1.3852 0.03746 270 185 66 19
374 Oh yeah? Well my real dad can do it, Gary. 1.3843 0.03981 268 190 53 25
375 Billy says he and his dad play catch. 1.3831 0.04020 261 185 52 24
376 Please Dad, use an apple for history's sake. 1.3831 0.03755 261 178 66 17
377 Substitute an apple and you will be a legend. 1.3831 0.03871 261 181 60 20
378 I think you’ll get more likes if you start with an apple. 1.3831 0.04093 261 187 48 26
379 What do you mean ‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’? 1.3831 0.03909 261 182 58 21
380 Go ahead. I read on Facebook that kids are basically immune to dying from arrows. 1.3831 0.03946 261 183 56 22
381 Everyone knows you are the best. No need to prove it. 1.3822 0.03612 259 173 73 13
382 Your brother flinched. Don’t flinch and you’ll be fine. 1.3822 0.04079 259 185 49 25
383 Mom says it's ok if you miss... 1.3822 0.04187 259 188 43 28
384 Who orchestrated this? 1.3822 0.03891 259 180 59 20
385 Before we begin, I'd like to make a brief overture. 1.3822 0.04005 259 183 53 23
386 Are you sure this is the best way to remove the pit? 1.3822 0.03891 259 180 59 20
387 I prefer moms trick where she ties the stem with her tongue 1.3822 0.03891 259 180 59 20
388 Wait! Shouldn’t you be wearing a mask” 1.3822 0.03813 259 178 63 18
389 I thought that whole "cherry on top" thing was just an expression. 1.3813 0.04138 257 185 46 26
390 Hey dad, after this can we watch the Lone Ranger? I’ve got the theme song stuck in my head“ 1.3813 0.04101 257 184 48 25
391 At least pick a target we can use to make pumpkin spice lattes. 1.3813 0.04210 257 187 42 28
392 Can't we start with the pineapple this time? 1.3813 0.03988 257 181 54 22
393 Dad, we do apples. The whole cherry thing was George Washington, remember? 1.3813 0.04101 257 184 48 25
394 Could we try a watermelon? 1.3813 0.03988 257 181 54 22
395 Dad, let me say you're pushing your pissing contest with uncle Wilhem a trifle too far... 1.3813 0.04352 257 191 34 32
396 Why nobody talks about William Tell's firstborn. 1.3800 0.03904 250 173 59 18
397 Go ahead, boomer - you've ruined everything else for us. 1.3800 0.03986 250 175 55 20
398 If you use an apple instead, and hit it, your hometown will be famous throughout crossword history . 1.3800 0.04026 250 176 53 21
399 Did you check the back of the fridge? 1.3798 0.04050 258 184 50 24
400 Dad, I wish you wouldn't say, "I love you son." just before you fire. 1.3794 0.04146 253 182 46 25
401 This is a pretty extreme way to teach me division. 1.3792 0.04059 240 168 53 19
402 Wait, isn’t it my turn? Or are we playing by McConnell rules? 1.3782 0.04252 238 171 44 23
403 Daddy, if I let you do this can I have a pony? 1.3780 0.04316 254 188 36 30
404 Pray, Tell... 1.3780 0.04017 254 179 52 22
405 You can come closer than six feet. 1.3780 0.03736 254 173 66 15
406 And then it's my turn. 1.3780 0.04094 254 182 48 24
407 I feel like history will write this differently. 1.3770 0.04009 244 171 54 19
408 So this head shot will help me break into modeling? 1.3770 0.04304 252 186 37 29
409 I’m uncomfortable with the double entendre too but I’m more worried about your aim. 1.3770 0.03838 252 174 61 17
410 An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a cherry on your head - boom, you’re dead. 1.3770 0.04000 252 178 53 21
411 I wish water melons were in season too. 1.3760 0.03731 250 170 66 14
412 The lesser known and tragic Tell brother who tried to one up William. 1.3750 0.04123 248 178 47 23
413 And then I get to shoot the feather off of your head. 1.3750 0.04002 248 175 53 20
414 Social distancing be damned! Come closer. 1.3750 0.04083 248 177 49 22
415 Is this because I made fun of your dress? 1.3745 0.03741 251 179 53 19
416 I'm thinking I would like you to start out with a pineapple!" 1.3740 0.03898 246 171 58 17
417 Why couldn’t you be a shepherd like Timmy’s dad? 1.3740 0.03898 246 171 58 17
418 I'm thinking this may not be the best way to pit a cherry. 1.3740 0.04303 246 181 38 27
419 I know it’s a cherry. You must have really pissed them off this time. 1.3740 0.04492 246 186 28 32
420 don’t worry we can always edit during production 1.3740 0.04106 246 176 48 22
421 It's 2020. Aim right for the head. 1.3730 0.04249 244 178 41 25
422 If you really want to kill me, just send me back to school." 1.3730 0.04249 244 178 41 25
423 I hope becoming a legend is worth my therapy bills. 1.3730 0.03876 244 169 59 16
424 Sorry, this is too Freudian for me. 1.3719 0.03983 242 170 54 18
425 You can do it, dad! The whole world will know the name 'Wallace Tork!' 1.3719 0.04152 242 174 46 22
426 "I hope you'll miss me." 1.3719 0.04274 242 177 40 25
427 Perhaps now is a good time to ask ourselves, “What problem are we really trying to solve here?” 1.3713 0.04085 237 168 50 19
428 There’s two ways this can go viral. 1.3708 0.04048 240 170 51 19
429 I,m starting to get a pit in my stomach. 1.3708 0.04175 240 173 45 22
430 Please don’t, Tell! 1.3708 0.04091 240 171 49 20
431 How about a pumpkin? A pumpkin would be good. 1.3707 0.03962 232 161 56 15
432 Can we wait to try this during grapefruit season? 1.3707 0.04279 232 168 42 22
433 Don’t mean to cherry pick, but wouldn’t an apple be better? 1.3707 0.04322 232 169 40 23
434 Can’t you just take me fishing like the other dads? 1.3707 0.04055 232 163 52 17
435 Daddy, I am almost sure the man said pumpkin. 1.3707 0.04408 232 171 36 25
436 I’ve never tried this during cherry season 1.3697 0.03800 238 163 62 13
437 This is very wrong on several levels 1.3697 0.04283 238 174 40 24
438 Wouldn't a Nerf dart make the same point? 1.3697 0.03847 238 164 60 14
439 How come my brother got an apple? 1.3691 0.03948 233 162 56 15
440 You know, there are easier ways to pit cherries. 1.3691 0.03853 233 160 60 13
441 Trust me, I watched the masterclass 1.3691 0.04220 233 168 44 21
442 I'd prefer a watermelon. 1.3686 0.03959 236 165 55 16
443 Can't this wait until apples are in season? 1.3686 0.03913 236 164 57 15
444 Maybe instead we should see a therapist. 1.3686 0.04004 236 166 53 17
445 Your son, your own son, for 15 minutes of fame? 1.3686 0.04308 236 173 39 24
446 Can we wait for apple season? 1.3686 0.04223 236 171 43 22
447 Are you sure they said ‘I scream with a cherry on top’? 1.3686 0.04181 236 170 45 21
448 Dad, I think an apple fits better with the original story line. 1.3686 0.03867 236 168 51 17
449 Look Daddy - I'm a sundae! 1.3675 0.04500 234 176 30 28
450 Your rivalry with Uncle Will is getting out of hand. 1.3675 0.03981 234 164 54 16
451 When they go low, you aim high. 1.3652 0.04386 230 170 36 24
452 Can I go to the bathroom first? I kinda got to pee, real bad. 1.3652 0.03680 230 170 41 18
453 Don't shoot! I've wandered into the wrong joke 1.3652 0.04025 230 162 52 16
454 There’s an Overture riding on this. 1.3640 0.04142 228 161 47 17
455 You remember that you missed the watermelon, right?" 1.3628 0.03923 226 157 56 13
456 If you switch to a larger piece of fruit, I’ll ask my music teacher to name an overture after you. 1.3628 0.04022 226 159 52 15
457 You know, Mom has a better way to pit a cherry. 1.3628 0.04166 226 162 46 18
458 Forget any overture. Make this & they'll write a whole symphony 1.3628 0.03872 226 161 50 15
459 Do as you're always telling me: "Aim high". 1.3628 0.04070 226 160 50 16
460 Don’t worry honey, I practiced with your mother. God rest her soul. 1.3616 0.04044 224 158 51 15
461 I don't know how to tell you this, Dad, but it's already been popped. 1.3616 0.04377 224 165 37 22
462 Crabapple? You didn't hear them say pineapple? 1.3616 0.04044 224 158 51 15
463 I wish you drank something other than Manhattans. 1.3616 0.04238 224 162 43 19
464 This doesn’t count as having 'The Talk', dad. I still have questions 1.3616 0.04285 224 163 41 20
465 We've been stuck at home for six months. Can't you think of another game for us to play? 1.3616 0.03893 224 155 57 12
466 You know when I asked you for a new crossbow and I said “please with a cherry on top” I didn’t mean literally... 1.3616 0.04142 224 160 47 17
467 If you miss, the Lone Ranger will never have a theme song. 1.3612 0.03958 227 159 54 14
468 But you already have a feather in your cap. 1.3604 0.04263 222 161 42 19
469 Hold on, Dad. There's an apple in my lunchbox. 1.3604 0.03914 222 154 56 12
470 I now regret eating your apple. 1.3591 0.04141 220 157 47 16
471 Actually, Dad, I’ll give up my phone for a week. 1.3591 0.04141 220 157 47 16
472 I know how much you love a good challenge, but I still think we should start with a watermelon. 1.3591 0.03936 220 153 55 12
473 Is this really the best substitution your Whole Foods shopper could find? 1.3591 0.04191 220 158 45 17
474 I didn't think it would come to this when mommy said 'wait till your father gets home'. 1.3591 0.04240 220 158 41 18
475 I would rather be the apple of your eye 1.3591 0.04191 220 158 45 17
476 Is this a bad time to bring up mom’s new boyfriend? 1.3591 0.04191 220 158 45 17
477 Just when I thought 2020 couldn't get any worse. 1.3591 0.04337 220 161 39 20
478 Could you at least aim for the stem? 1.3591 0.03988 220 154 53 13
479 Before we do this you should know: I have trust issues. 1.3591 0.04240 220 159 43 18
480 ...and of course the symbolism will make future psychiatrists go bananas. 1.3591 0.04091 220 156 49 15
481 Crossbows don’t kill people, son. People kill people. 1.3591 0.04141 220 157 47 16
482 Now I understand why the apple kept the doctor away 1.3591 0.04091 220 156 49 15
483 First let me go inside and get the bowl you used for my haircut. 1.3578 0.04191 218 159 41 18
484 This is my first time too. 1.3578 0.04266 218 158 42 18
485 You COULD wait until apples are ripe. 1.3578 0.04115 218 155 48 15
486 It just feels like you’re compensating for something.” 1.3578 0.04315 218 159 40 19
487 If we're really doing this, Dad, how about an AR-15 with sniper scope? 1.3578 0.04315 218 159 40 19
488 Are you sure you don't want your glasses ? 1.3578 0.04063 218 154 50 14
489 Maybe size really does matter.... 1.3578 0.04412 218 161 36 21
490 Tell me again, what do I get out of this? 1.3578 0.04011 218 153 52 13
491 I ate the apple. So shoot me. 1.3578 0.04412 218 161 36 21
492 There is much better lighting over by that apple tree. 1.3578 0.04166 218 156 46 16
493 Remember dad, be the cherry. 1.3578 0.03958 218 152 54 12
494 Ok, I feel personally targeted. 1.3578 0.04216 218 157 44 17
495 This is the only time that “starting small” doesn’t feel appropriate 1.3578 0.03958 218 152 54 12
496 It’s not your aim I’m worried about, it’s your hiccups. 1.3575 0.03973 221 155 53 13
497 This will go viral on Youtube- either way 1.3565 0.04342 216 158 39 19
498 Alas, no. The apple was just an overture. 1.3565 0.04342 216 158 39 19
499 Stand still, or there will be no Overture. 1.3553 0.05476 152 115 20 17
500 I don't care if it worked on Switzerland's Got Talent. 1.3551 0.04163 214 153 46 15
501 Would you settle for a "Certificate of Participation"? 1.3551 0.04369 214 157 38 19
502 I must say, these pandemic haircuts are getting rather extreme. 1.3551 0.04613 214 162 28 24
503 William, in this case, size does matter 1.3551 0.04163 214 153 46 15
504 I'd feel more confident if we did this with an apple. 1.3551 0.04613 214 162 28 24
505 And just like that, Ethelfred’s nannying career came to a swift end. 1.3551 0.04216 214 154 44 16
506 On second thought, this haircut is perfect. 1.3538 0.04135 212 151 47 14
507 I have to pee. 1.3535 0.04352 215 158 38 19
508 It's downsizing, William. We're all doing more with less. 1.3524 0.04214 210 151 44 15
509 This is not what I envisioned when you asked if I could help you "with a cherry on top." 1.3524 0.04267 210 152 42 16
510 Meanwhile, someone props a whole damn apple on a sundae. 1.3524 0.04159 210 150 46 14
511 Dad, I think you're confusing hunting and gathering. 1.3524 0.04267 210 152 42 16
512 Seriously, a cherry”? 1.3524 0.04159 210 150 46 14
513 Yeah, Dad, I know I complained about going to the Renaissance Faire with you, but I changed my mind and that sounds like more fun. 1.3524 0.04267 210 152 42 16
514 Can I try it on you first? 1.3524 0.04214 210 151 44 15
515 Didn't read the story, did ya? 1.3524 0.04214 210 151 44 15
516 What do you mean you can’t find your glasses” 1.3512 0.04112 205 145 48 12
517 I’ll tell you a secret about Mom and Baron Attinghausen when you’re done. 1.3512 0.04554 205 153 32 20
518 Not unless I get to shoot off your feather. 1.3512 0.04283 205 148 42 15
519 Dad, could I have my turn first? 1.3512 0.04283 205 148 42 15
520 What if we put it on top of ice cream instead? 1.3512 0.04283 205 148 42 15
521 The apple was bad enough. Can’t we quit while I have a head? 1.3510 0.05332 151 113 23 15
522 Don't panic! It's no more dangerous than the flu! 1.3498 0.04476 203 150 35 18
523 A real man would just come over here and slap it off my head. That's what a real man would do. 1.3498 0.04077 203 143 49 11
524 It’s a lot safer doing this on zoom. 1.3498 0.04137 203 144 47 12
525 Don't do this, pretty please, with a cherry on top. 1.3498 0.04310 203 147 41 15
526 Yeah, I know that mountain looks just like a breast, now concentrate. 1.3498 0.04366 203 148 39 16
527 What's the worst that can happen? 1.3498 0.04253 203 146 43 14
528 Mom could do it. 1.3498 0.04137 203 144 47 12
529 Do you always have to one-up Billy Tell’s dad 1.3498 0.04366 203 148 39 16
530 Just thinking out loud here: maybe we reverse the order and try the apple *first*. 1.3498 0.04253 203 146 43 14
531 Hey dad, what's say we start with a watermelon? 1.3483 0.03786 201 137 58 6
532 Honestly, I’d feel more comfortable with a watermelon. 1.3483 0.04279 201 145 42 14
533 Please tell me you're not distracted by that mountain. 1.3483 0.04394 201 147 38 16
534 I think the apple story will be good enough. 1.3483 0.04221 201 144 44 13
535 Hey dad, how did your cataract operation go? 1.3483 0.04450 201 148 36 17
536 Can’t we just wait until apple season? 1.3483 0.04162 201 143 46 12
537 I think we should wait for watermelon season. 1.3483 0.04337 201 146 40 15
538 When they were out of apples, you could have bought a watermelon. 1.3483 0.04394 201 147 38 16
539 You've been making overtures for a month now. Just do it already. 1.3483 0.04279 201 145 42 14
540 Tell me again. Who keeps their eyes closed? 1.3483 0.04101 201 142 48 11
541 You are aiming for the cherry, right Dad? 1.3483 0.04162 201 143 46 12
542 Either way this is going viral 1.3483 0.04279 201 142 41 13
543 The origin of little Donald Trump's lifelong obsession with his hair. 1.3467 0.04423 199 146 37 16
544 Yeah, I know I’m comparing apples to cherries. That’s kind of the point here. 1.3467 0.04365 199 145 39 15
545 But Dad, this is not how I wanted to lose it. 1.3467 0.04536 199 148 33 18
546 So you and your brother William are pretty competitive huh? 1.3467 0.04187 199 142 45 12
547 You'll blame it on the wind, won't you. 1.3465 0.04145 202 144 46 12
548 This is not the ‘cherry on top’ I imagined. 1.3465 0.04204 202 145 44 13
549 Well Dad, if you hadn't given me your abnormally large head, the apple wouldn't look so small. 1.3457 0.04284 188 134 42 11
550 Mom's gonna be mad if you get cherry juice on my shirt. 1.3452 0.04151 197 140 46 11
551 The lesser, and more tragic tale of Larry Tell, Williams younger brother. 1.3452 0.04393 197 144 38 15
552 Stop squinting! ...you're making me nervous. 1.3452 0.04213 197 141 44 12
553 Can't we just play catch? 1.3452 0.04088 197 139 48 10
554 Dad, I could remove the pit by myself! 1.3452 0.04393 197 144 38 15
555 Dad, I really am sorry I ate your last apple. 1.3452 0.04274 197 142 42 13
556 I knew we should've grown watermelons. 1.3452 0.04679 197 149 28 20
557 Does this fruit make me look fat? 1.3452 0.04452 197 145 36 16
558 Dad, I think William would be better at this, don't you? 1.3436 0.04301 195 141 41 13
559 Father, I'm not nervous; mother said you couldn't hit the side of a barn! 1.3436 0.04176 195 139 45 11
560 Whatasay we try this with a pumpkin first, instead? 1.3436 0.04048 195 137 49 9
561 Maybe you could use a watermelon instead 1.3436 0.04362 195 142 39 14
562 You're really going to have to up my allowance. 1.3436 0.04239 195 140 43 12
563 How about you just push me off the ledge? 1.3436 0.04112 195 138 47 10
564 It was supposed to be an apple.” “You were supposed to be a boy. 1.3436 0.04301 195 141 41 13
565 Quick, while we still have TikTok 1.3436 0.04482 195 144 35 16
566 William Tell's first (and last) day as scout master 1.3420 0.04390 193 141 38 14
567 Dad, I think we should just wait until apple season. 1.3420 0.04452 193 142 36 15
568 I'd rather play "Isaac Newton". 1.3420 0.04390 193 141 38 14
569 If you can think of a better way to get the pit out I'd like to hear it. 1.3420 0.04329 193 140 40 13
570 Or.....there’s a sitting duck in the pond with a raisin on his head. 1.3420 0.04512 193 142 34 16
571 Cool Robin Hood outfit. I'm going as a hot fudge sundae. 1.3420 0.04390 193 141 38 14
572 I think my mom's yodeling for me. 1.3420 0.04329 193 140 40 13
573 Why can't we just use a cutting board, like a normal family? 1.3404 0.04207 188 134 44 10
574 My last babysitter would never play with me. 1.3404 0.04139 188 133 46 9
575 when I asked you to pleeeease teach me the art of the bow , please Pretty please with a cherry on top, this is not what I meant. 1.3403 0.04662 191 144 29 18
576 What are you thinking? Put on a mask! 1.3403 0.04603 191 143 31 17
577 If you really want to switch it up, we could trade places. 1.3403 0.04228 191 137 43 11
578 Don't worry. The color contrast and the upgrade in bow technology will more than compensate for target size reduction. And don't underestimate that "suspension of disbelief" thing. 1.3403 0.04603 191 143 31 17
579 Don’t worry, I know how to do this. I saw it on YouTube. 1.3403 0.04836 191 147 23 21
580 Does it make my head look big? 1.3403 0.04481 191 141 35 15
581 come on Dad, Mom's new boyfriend hits it every time! 1.3403 0.04293 191 138 41 12
582 Isn’t there another way to prove our masculinity? 1.3403 0.04228 191 137 43 11
583 In this instance, I really do believe that size does matter. 1.3402 0.04432 194 143 36 15
584 After this, let’s practice your parenting skills. 1.3402 0.04184 194 139 44 11
585 So what do I get if you miss? 1.3386 0.04449 189 139 36 14
586 It's autumn. Why not use a pumpkin! 1.3386 0.04255 189 136 42 11
587 I get the idea. Now let's trade places. 1.3386 0.04120 189 138 38 12
588 If you miss I won’t be able to Tell, Will I? 1.3386 0.04449 189 139 36 14
589 Don't you think it's a little too soon after your cataract surgery? 1.3386 0.04188 189 135 44 10
590 Wait, Dad, I forgot to tell you - I cut down an apple tree, too. 1.3386 0.04255 189 136 42 11
591 Hold still while I figure out how this thing works. 1.3386 0.04385 189 138 38 13
592 I don't think you're limited to seasonal fruits. 1.3385 0.04400 192 141 37 14
593 I'm just glad cranberries aren't in season. 1.3369 0.04543 187 139 33 14
594 You're my dad and I love you, but I question your choice of fruit. 1.3352 0.04407 179 130 38 11
595 I don’t think this is what mom meant when she said no more target practice with apples on my head. 1.3351 0.04574 185 138 32 15
596 So, your stepmom gave you that apple? 1.3351 0.04444 185 136 36 13
597 Let's try a pumpkin first. 1.3351 0.04241 185 133 42 10
598 So anyway, were you saying you want to be with your mom or me for thanksgiving? 1.3351 0.04377 185 135 38 12
599 I asked for an apple but Mom said we're eating local this week. 1.3351 0.04377 185 135 38 12
600 I said Macintosh not Maraschino. 1.3351 0.04263 188 136 41 11
601 Look, dad, we can talk about the allowance. 1.3351 0.04127 188 134 45 9
602 ''This is bad, this is cherry, cherry bad.'' 1.3351 0.04553 188 143 28 17
603 I don't think an apple is cliché. 1.3351 0.04329 188 137 39 12
604 Uncle William, I have to pee 1.3351 0.04459 188 139 35 14
605 Remember, hitting the stem still counts. 1.3351 0.04196 188 135 43 10
606 Your friend George Washington really chopped down an apple tree? 1.3351 0.04826 188 145 23 20
607 You do realize that I’m an only child, don’t you? 1.3333 0.04541 183 136 33 14
608 I'd like to be emancipated. 1.3333 0.04406 183 134 37 12
609 And the other problem is that I'm not your son. 1.3333 0.04541 183 136 33 14
610 Wait! What if we could invent a little doohickey to pit them instead? 1.3333 0.04197 183 131 43 9
611 It was an Apple stupid, not a cherry! 1.3333 0.04735 183 139 27 17
612 Closer.. 1.3333 0.04406 183 134 37 12
613 Say, whatever happened to Billy, Bobby, and Timmy? 1.3333 0.04507 183 138 30 15
614 Bad news - your target is tiny. Good news - PM2 levels are super low (look at that mountain in the distance!) so you can see the target! 1.3333 0.04860 183 141 23 19
615 Hope you do better than you did with Mom. 1.3333 0.04606 183 137 31 15
616 So that's what 'Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top' gets me? 1.3333 0.04735 183 139 27 17
617 I’d like to switch to a grapefruit. 1.3333 0.04474 183 135 35 13
618 Would music help? 1.3333 0.04338 183 133 39 11
619 Dad! Could we please use an apple instead? Pretty please with a cherry on top! 1.3333 0.04474 183 135 35 13
620 Was your ophthalmologist appointment over telehealth or in person? 1.3333 0.04606 183 137 31 15
621 Wait....I have homework. 1.3315 0.04639 181 136 30 15
622 Geez, if you want it that badly you can have the damn cherry. 1.3315 0.04366 181 132 38 11
623 Daddy, can we wait until after the election? 1.3315 0.04505 181 134 34 13
624 Now come 9.9 paces closer. 1.3315 0.03552 181 134 39 8
625 My agent said this would be an apple 1.3315 0.04505 181 134 34 13
626 The William Tell Overconfidence 1.3296 0.04395 179 131 37 11
627 I won't tell anyone if you get a little closer—or even a lot closer. 1.3296 0.04250 179 129 41 9
628 So you're saying the juice will be pink if it's a girl, and blue if it's a boy? 1.3296 0.04250 179 129 41 9
629 Do you get now why I insist that size matters? 1.3296 0.04466 179 132 35 12
630 Dad, are you sure QAnon is right about this? 1.3296 0.04672 179 135 29 15
631 And I say take the Mulligan. 1.3296 0.04395 179 131 37 11
632 If you hit the cherry, I'm psychologically scarred for life. If you miss, you are. Seriously, what's the point, big man? 1.3296 0.04466 179 132 35 12
633 They wanted $3.49 a pound for apples! 1.3296 0.04395 179 131 37 11
634 Are we being too reckless not wearing our masks? 1.3296 0.04250 179 128 41 9
635 Just remember that you have been putting all that money aside to send me to college. 1.3296 0.04605 179 134 30 14
636 You know, Dad, large apples are really trending these days. 1.3296 0.04395 179 131 37 11
637 Nah - we don’t need masks as long as we’re six feet apart. 1.3296 0.04536 179 133 33 13
638 Wait! You're not my dad, that's not an apple, your using a crossbow, snowcapped mountains in the Desert, at the end of a Road. This must be 2020. 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
639 But Dad, I already have a splitting headache. 1.3277 0.04425 177 130 36 11
640 Dad, can’t we just play catch like the other kids? 1.3277 0.04425 177 130 36 11
641 And if the inside is blue, it's a boy! 1.3277 0.04163 177 134 31 12
642 It can't hurt anymore than 2020. 1.3277 0.04568 177 132 32 13
643 Father, this is the exact reason that people are calling for stricter crossbow control laws. 1.3277 0.04637 177 133 30 14
644 Could I get a stand-in? 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
645 Legend has it that you used an apple. 1.3257 0.03947 175 125 44 6
646 Or . . . we don't and say we did and Fraulein bakes Hans a big, big cherry pie. 1.3257 0.04741 175 133 27 15
647 Ahh! Dad! Glasses? 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
648 Yeah, yeah.... it'll disappear, like a miracle, right? 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
649 What's next, a pomegranate seed? 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
650 Dad, if it’s about the money, I’m happy to pay for a watermelon. 1.3257 0.04671 175 132 29 14
651 My real dad could do it. 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
652 Dad. The blindfold is for me, not you. 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
653 Favorite son, my ass. With Hans you used a pineapple! 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
654 John wanted to master his ar-cherry skills. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
655 What do you mean, the store was out of apples? 1.3257 0.04671 175 132 29 14
656 I’m starting to think you never wanted children. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
657 If you waited until pear season, I could offer you a larger target. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
658 I urged you not to sell your Apple stock. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
659 No matter what happens, it has to be better than this haircut. 1.3237 0.04486 173 128 34 11
660 Actually, on second thought, that outfit looks fabulous. 1.3237 0.04410 173 127 36 10
661 Lil Donald tells his dad to ignore the science behind the eye chart 1.3237 0.04705 173 131 28 14
662 You realize, Father, if things go badly here, there will be no overture. 1.3237 0.04560 173 129 32 12
663 I fear this is becoming fruitless. 1.3237 0.04560 173 129 32 12
664 I hope your aim is better with that bow than it was with this bowl cut. 1.3237 0.04560 173 129 32 12
665 Dad ...uh... Isn’t this taking your rivalry with Uncle William a bit too far? 1.3237 0.04333 173 126 38 9
666 I won't talk about gravity, I swear. 1.3237 0.04560 173 129 32 12
667 Didn't I used to have eight older brothers?" 1.3235 0.04303 170 123 39 8
668 No, I don't like "them apples" 1.3235 0.04462 170 125 35 10
669 William, wasn't it you who shot an apple off my head and wasn't it Washington who did something with a cherry? 1.3235 0.04303 170 123 39 8
670 I think it DOES matter that you are colorblind. 1.3235 0.04540 170 126 33 11
671 Walter left. I'm the stunt son. 1.3235 0.04303 170 123 39 8
672 Remember I'm the only one who knows the number of our Swiss bank account. 1.3235 0.04690 170 128 29 13
673 Apples? Peaches? Pumpkin? AYE! Who said, "Cherry?" Oh, Not I! 1.3235 0.04462 170 125 35 10
674 Wait a minute... Billy’s dad uses an apple! 1.3235 0.04462 170 125 35 10
675 Hey, I've got an idea. How about a watermelon? 1.3235 0.04690 170 128 29 13
676 Just don't mess up my hair. 1.3235 0.04462 170 125 35 10
677 Let’s try this again in grapefruit season. 1.3214 0.04493 168 124 34 10
678 I'm leaning towards the absentee option. 1.3214 0.04800 168 128 26 14
679 But Newton's son just had to sit under the tree, Dad. 1.3214 0.04493 168 124 34 10
680 I guess having the cherry on top isn't so good in this case. 1.3214 0.04572 168 125 32 11
681 A watermelon would be more prudent, but maybe there's a compromise. 1.3214 0.04332 168 122 38 8
682 Wait until Child Protective Services hears about this. 1.3214 0.04413 168 123 36 9
683 It’s alright son, I’m using a smaller arrow” 1.3214 0.04249 168 121 40 7
684 If you shoot this cherry, what will you put in your Manhattan? 1.3214 0.04249 168 121 40 7
685 Aim for the stalk. 1.3214 0.04800 168 128 26 14
686 I think it was an apple...not a cherry! 1.3214 0.04572 168 125 32 11
687 Can you wait a minute, I have to pee 1.3214 0.04649 168 126 30 12
688 This isn’t what I meant by ‘A cherry on top’. 1.3214 0.04413 168 123 36 9
689 It was a sad irony that the tragedy involved a helmet haircut. 1.3214 0.04493 168 124 34 10
690 So, you’re sure it’s safe not to wear a mask? 1.3214 0.04572 168 125 32 11
691 I have some concerns 1.3195 0.04228 169 122 40 7
692 If you miss, I'll Tell. 1.3195 0.04471 169 125 34 10
693 There must be an easier way to remove the pit. 1.3193 0.04484 166 125 30 11
694 Do it. In a grayscale universe, color must be destroyed! 1.3193 0.04360 166 121 37 8
695 One-upmanship is highly overrated. 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
696 I knew I’d regret eating that apple. 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
697 What do you mean, "No one's recording this"? 1.3193 0.04761 166 126 27 13
698 Does Mom know what we're doing? 1.3193 0.04525 166 123 33 10
699 Size matters. 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
700 And you say Rossini promised an opera if I go through with this?" - Carl Yaffe, Rockville, Md 1.3193 0.04443 166 122 35 9
701 Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
702 You sure Mom said this was okay? 1.3193 0.04443 166 122 35 9
703 I dont see any best case scenario. 1.3193 0.04402 166 124 32 10
704 I’d be happy to wait for the apples to ripen. 1.3193 0.04443 166 122 35 9
705 Mom said apples are for pies... cherries are for smart- mouth little boys who challenge their parents. 1.3193 0.04360 166 121 37 8
706 Are you sure we should start with a cherry? 1.3193 0.04360 166 121 37 8
707 Papa, cant you just spit the pip out like everybody else? 1.3193 0.04761 166 126 27 13
708 But where's my older brother? 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
709 The stem counts as far as I'm concerned. 1.3193 0.04443 166 122 35 9
710 Listen, I’ve gotten really good at this watching YouTube videos. 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
711 I'm not sure that's six feet. 1.3193 0.04525 166 123 33 10
712 It looked bigger in the catalog. 1.3193 0.04360 166 121 37 8
713 Sorry but this is the only sport that’s allowed with social distancing 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
714 When you say you won't miss - do you mean the apple or me? 1.3174 0.04502 167 124 33 10
715 I just crapped my lederhosen. 1.3171 0.04718 164 124 28 12
716 The apple was a nice shot, but this would the cherry on top. 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
717 Anything's better than this haircut. 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
718 No, it's an apple. I'm just big for my age. 1.3171 0.04304 164 119 38 7
719 William Tell's encore with a cherry became a never-discussed and shameful family secret. 1.3171 0.04797 164 125 26 13
720 How about a smaller arrow too! 1.3171 0.04304 164 119 38 7
721 My vote is we wait until apple season. 1.3171 0.04950 164 127 22 15
722 Maybe we should wait until 2021 to try this. 1.3171 0.04216 164 118 40 6
723 I don't suppose I could borrow your hat? 1.3171 0.04304 164 119 38 7
724 Papa, why do you have extra arrows? 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
725 Swiss precision, Papa, please 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
726 One more, then to your yodeling lesson. 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
727 Papa, why my name is Beta? 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
728 Okay, okay, I apologize, Dad--I like my haircut. 1.3171 0.04126 164 117 42 5
729 I could’ve sworn he said apple. 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
730 You always did like my brother best. 1.3171 0.05025 164 128 20 16
731 Does this cherry make my head look fat? 1.3171 0.04797 164 125 26 13
732 I have to wait until the music starts. 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
733 I believe in you papa. Macular degeneration is a hoax. 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
734 Does this apple make my head look big? 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
735 I won’t tell if you come closer. 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
736 You feel lucky, punk? 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
737 I’m thinking size really does matter. 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
738 Wait . . . tell me again what happened to Walter? 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
739 When I said "pretty please with a cherry on top," this is not exactly what I had in mind. 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
740 Ever since we've been in quarantine, your foreplay keeps getting more and more extreme. 1.3171 0.04797 164 125 26 13
741 I know I heard apple not cherry. 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
742 Maybe we should wait until gourd season. 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
743 Please. Put your glasses back on. 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
744 I know the cherry is cuter, but the apple is still the better choice. 1.3171 0.04718 164 124 28 12
745 Don't we have a watermelon? 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
746 Can we do this one with a plastic cocktail sword? 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
747 Don't you think an apple would make for less of a grand overture? 1.3171 0.04390 164 120 36 8
748 Higher papa, higher! 1.3171 0.04874 164 126 24 14
749 Is it too late to ask for whipped cream? 1.3171 0.04718 164 124 28 12
750 Sometimes I wish you could be like all the other Dads. 1.3171 0.04390 164 120 36 8
751 Dad, do you think this is safe? We’re not wearing masks! 1.3171 0.04638 164 123 30 11
752 Are you sure we’re at least 6 feet apart? 1.3171 0.04216 164 118 40 6
753 So what happened to your last kid? 1.3171 0.04304 164 119 38 7
754 How about next time I tell the Whole Foods shopper what is and isn’t an acceptable substitution? 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
755 First it was an apple; now a cherry. What's next, a pomegranate seed? 1.3148 0.04834 162 123 25 13
756 You know, Dad, that watermelons are in season. 1.3148 0.04505 162 120 33 9
757 C'mon, you can't wait another month for apple season? 1.3148 0.04420 162 119 35 8
758 Apple of your eye my ass! 1.3148 0.04590 162 121 31 10
759 Papa, when I said you couldn't hit the broadside of a big red barn with a gigantic bull's eye painted bright yellow and orange on it and that Johann's papa could hit it with his eyes closed facing backwards, you didn't think I was serious, did you? 1.3148 0.04505 162 120 33 9
760 ...and might I add, Mr. Tell, your leggings are so slimming... 1.3148 0.04590 162 121 31 10
761 Mom uses a brush to part my hair in the middle. 1.3148 0.04673 162 122 29 11
762 Knock it off, Dad! 1.3148 0.04754 162 123 27 12
763 Any chance we might wait for apple season. 1.3148 0.04590 162 121 31 10
764 Downsizing? 1.3148 0.04913 162 125 23 14
765 fuck you dad. 1.3148 0.04754 162 123 27 12
766 On second thought, what do you say we try it with a watermelon 1.3148 0.04590 162 121 31 10
767 Do we have to cherry pick everything? 1.3148 0.04754 162 123 27 12
768 What about soccer? All the other dads love soccer! 1.3148 0.04590 162 121 31 10
769 Dad, there's easier ways to find out if you're color blind. 1.3148 0.04673 162 122 29 11
770 You know there is going to be an overture about this, Dad! 1.3129 0.04482 163 121 33 9
771 That was the day Tommy's crippling anxiety manifested. 1.3129 0.04729 163 124 27 12
772 Look, dad, the apple was OK, but we've got to step up our game for "Switzerland's Got Talent". 1.3125 0.04537 160 119 32 9
773 I dunno Dad. I was thinking maybe a watermelon. 1.3125 0.04707 160 121 28 11
774 So, like, I will be famous, right? 1.3125 0.04537 160 119 32 9
775 Don't you think it's supposed to be an apple NOT a cherry ? 1.3125 0.04450 160 118 34 8
776 Young Billy Tell feared his father’s next ambition: the blueberry 1.3125 0.04537 160 119 32 9
777 I don't know, Dad, maybe an APPLE? 1.3125 0.04707 160 121 28 11
778 Remember to hold still. We are going on Instagram live in three, two, one... 1.3125 0.04790 160 122 26 12
779 So this is how 2020 ends...figures. 1.3125 0.04537 160 119 32 9
780 Are you quite certain my mom said this was okay? 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
781 There’s got to be a better way to pit this! 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
782 Hold that cherry while I shoot your kneecap. 1.3106 0.04845 161 124 24 13
783 I bet you could do it blindfolded! 1.3106 0.04513 161 120 32 9
784 You’re lucky elderberries aren’t in season. 1.3106 0.04338 161 118 36 7
785 The apple fell a little too far from the tree. 1.3106 0.04426 161 119 34 8
786 and it was at this moment Johnny knew he shouldn't have eaten all of the apples 1.3106 0.04764 161 123 26 12
787 But I was saving it for my sundae. 1.3101 0.04657 158 119 29 10
788 Just saying, the world may not be ready for a new cherry-pitter. 1.3101 0.04390 158 116 35 7
789 Either way, it’ll be huge on Tik Tok 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
790 It’s all they had that was organic. 1.3101 0.04481 158 117 33 8
791 Yeah, well that's not an actual feather in your cap either. 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
792 Dad, I am really sorry I ate the apple. 1.3082 0.04632 159 120 29 10
793 Seriously dad, can't you start with a pumpkin? 1.3082 0.04964 159 124 21 14
794 But, but, apple of your eye, now THAT’s got a nice ring on, don’t you agree? More juicy, less fruity, and all that, eh? 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
795 Come on dad! After this the apple will be a no brainer. 1.3082 0.04632 159 120 29 10
796 I don't doubt your skill, it's your skirt that bothers me. 1.3077 0.04692 156 118 28 10
797 Mom said she was going to miss me. Will you? 1.3077 0.04779 156 119 26 11
798 You know what? Tyranny's alright by me. 1.3077 0.04603 156 117 30 9
799 No, I would rather you didnt take a selfie when you shoot the arrow. 1.3077 0.04512 156 116 32 8
800 it's called the cherry challenge, my friends who survived said it was easy 1.3077 0.04603 156 117 30 9
801 No need to worry about me! Crossbow fatality demographics are still pretty low in younger age groups! 1.3056 0.04546 144 106 32 6
802 There's a big melon crop this year, Dad. 1.3052 0.04353 154 113 35 6
803 Whatever you do, Son, don't blush 1.3052 0.04904 154 119 23 12
804 I know there are no more apples, but can we use a pear? 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
805 But couldn't we just put off auditioning for Britannia's Got Talent until apples are back in season? 1.3052 0.04904 154 119 23 12
806 Pumpkin or Cherry? It was a simple choice that would haunt the Tell family for generations. 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
807 Between the eyes would be so 2020! 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
808 Before you shoot that arrow, I think I just discovered gravity. 1.3052 0.04450 154 114 33 7
809 You christened me Sundae for THIS? 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
810 Dad, I think a bigger fruit would inspire a better overture 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
811 A grapefruit? How about a grapefruit Dad? 1.3052 0.04255 154 112 37 5
812 For the last time, what happened to my brothers? 1.3052 0.04637 154 116 28 8
813 But you said I was the apple of your eye. 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
814 I left it on teacher's desk. 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
815 Dad, isn't THAT an apple tree? 1.3052 0.04353 154 113 35 6
816 But a cherry on top is a good thing. 1.3052 0.04544 154 112 30 8
817 I'm not sure about this social distance trust exercise ... 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
818 How bout a Granny Smiths! 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
819 I see you still won’t won’t use anything made by Apple. 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
820 Maybe we could wait for pumpkin season? 1.3052 0.04904 154 119 23 12
821 Just don't tell Mom, OK? 1.3052 0.04904 154 119 23 12
822 Crab apples aren't fair! 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
823 You know dad, I'd be happy to just go fishing or throwing a ball with you. 1.3052 0.04255 154 112 37 5
824 Would it have killed you to plant ONE apple tree? 1.3052 0.04637 154 116 29 9
825 I just want you to know that I think your unpublished poems are really,really great. 1.3052 0.04154 154 111 39 4
826 Don't Shoot! I promise I won't Tell 1.3052 0.04637 154 116 29 9
827 Can't we wait till Mother gets home from the market with the melons? 1.3052 0.04154 154 111 39 4
828 Why is it, father, that you always have to one-up Mr. Tell? 1.3052 0.04154 154 111 39 4
829 Why are you bringing up life insurance? 1.3052 0.04450 154 114 33 7
830 ‘Could you downplay the danger of this? I don’t want to create a panic.’ 1.3052 0.04816 154 118 25 11
831 I don't mean to underplay this but I thought you were kidding! 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
832 We’re not gonna tell Mom about this right? 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
833 Are you sure Mr Tell said to use a cherry? 1.3052 0.04450 154 114 33 7
834 I meant shoot this with your phone! It's a new TikTok trend. 1.3020 0.04437 149 110 33 6
835 Just so you know, I called Child Protective Services this morning and they're already on their way. 1.3020 0.04733 149 113 27 9
836 I'm starting to doubt your story that my brother ran away from home. 1.3020 0.04828 149 114 25 10
837 If you miss it, can I eat it? Pleeeeeease! 1.3020 0.04437 149 110 33 6
838 Now I really have to pee. 1.3020 0.04733 149 113 27 9
839 Papa, yesterday was a bigger apple. 1.3020 0.04921 149 115 23 11
840 If I miss this shot there's no way they'll write me an overture. 1.3020 0.04733 149 113 27 9
841 Try holding still better than your brother did 1.3020 0.04828 149 114 25 10
842 I actually felt more comfortable with watermelons. 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
843 But Dad, you're a dentist. 1.3020 0.05102 149 117 19 13
844 We can skip the social distancing this time, Dad. 1.3020 0.04828 149 114 25 10
845 I wish you'd reconsider your stance on GMOs 1.3020 0.04437 149 110 33 6
846 I always wear this one on sundaes. 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
847 Dad I’m not 100% but I’m pretty sure he said apple 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
848 This might be a good time to pray, Tell. 1.3020 0.04538 149 111 31 7
849 Father, since we Tells cannot lie....‘twas I who ate the apple. 1.3020 0.04733 149 113 27 9
850 you look worried Sir, let me show you how to do it" ladies first! 1.3007 0.04691 153 119 23 11
851 You only have a cherry tree? Really? 1.3007 0.04645 153 116 28 9
852 So nobody panics; we’ll both be blindfolded. 1.2993 0.04867 147 113 24 10
853 Wanna trade? 1.2993 0.04770 147 112 26 9
854 I preferred the apple. 1.2993 0.04770 147 112 26 9
855 Oh I am so sorry I ate the last apple. 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
856 But Dad, isn’t there an easier way to pit the cherries? 1.2993 0.04671 147 111 28 8
857 Dad, I think if you consult Wikipedia it's an APPLE, not a CHERRY! 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
858 I hope you didn't take that out of your Manhattan. 1.2993 0.04671 147 111 28 8
859 It’s bright red. How could you miss it? 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
860 I'd rather have Mommy do my hair. 1.2993 0.04671 147 111 28 8
861 What do you mean I don’t look like the girl from Hunger Games? 1.2993 0.04867 147 113 24 10
862 No, my lasik surgery was postponed. Why do you ask? 1.2993 0.04961 147 114 22 11
863 What do you mean we have a small problem? 1.2993 0.04362 147 108 34 5
864 Can you tell me the point of this? 1.2993 0.04467 147 109 32 6
865 Bet you can hit the tree 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
866 William, I gotta tell you you don't get extra points for a cherry. 1.2993 0.04467 147 109 32 6
867 All I’m saying is that there must be an easier way to remove the pit from this cherry. 1.2993 0.04961 147 114 22 11
868 Why did my stepmother suggest the cherry? 1.2993 0.04519 147 112 27 8
869 Just do it Dad, it’s okay if you miss. I can’t take Zoom school anymore. 1.2993 0.04770 147 112 26 9
870 Dad, that rivalry between the Tell brothers must stop here. 1.2986 0.04735 144 109 27 8
871 Mr. Tell, why am I taking your son's place? 1.2986 0.04786 144 112 22 10
872 It would be apropos of the season if you would replace the apple with a pumpkin. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
873 Trust me, Dad, we just have to tag it #robinhoodchallenge 1.2973 0.04230 148 108 36 4
874 Don't "tell" your mother; she'll cherry pick the facts. 1.2966 0.04498 145 108 31 6
875 How about I go first? 1.2966 0.04706 145 110 27 8
876 Perhaps a watermelon would be easier to see from a that distance 1.2966 0.04706 145 110 27 8
877 Stop quivering. 1.2966 0.04603 145 108 29 7
878 I don’t know. Does it matter if its organic? 1.2966 0.04706 145 110 27 8
879 I’m praying women will be given more input as to whom they marry in the future. 1.2966 0.05002 145 113 21 11
880 Great parenting, Dad. I’m learning a lot... 1.2966 0.04603 145 109 29 7
881 No, dad, I'm sure mom said apple, not crabapple. 1.2966 0.04906 145 112 23 10
882 Don’t worry. If I practice with the cherry, an apple will be easy! 1.2966 0.04706 145 110 27 8
883 There has to be a better way to take out the pit. 1.2966 0.04807 145 111 25 9
884 Mr. Tell, could we do this tomorrow? I'm having a bad hair day. 1.2966 0.04498 145 108 31 6
885 It's alright Papa. Mother tells you all the time size doesn't matter 1.2966 0.04906 145 112 23 10
886 When you've "read and agreed" with the terms and conditions. 1.2966 0.04807 145 111 25 9
887 Robin Hood and his cherry men 1.2963 0.05265 135 106 18 11
888 I'm just saying, if you miss you're just a guy who shot his kid in the head instead of the the next William Tell. 1.2958 0.04665 142 107 28 7
889 I predict that, in future centuries, this will be remembered as bad parenting. Worse, they’ll use the word “parenting.” 1.2958 0.04446 142 105 32 5
890 Son, there is no mistake that cannot be corrected by a tragic accident. 1.2958 0.04875 142 109 24 9
891 Rossini will be mad if you miss. 1.2945 0.04365 146 108 33 5
892 Worst case, I won't have to hear yodeling anymore. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
893 You're psychotic. You know that, right? 1.2937 0.05236 143 114 16 13
894 So, why do they call you William the Lesser? 1.2937 0.05044 143 112 20 11
895 This is no time for social distancing. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
896 You know what would be really impressive? A pumpkin. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
897 And did I tell you how lovely your skirt was? 1.2937 0.04420 143 106 32 5
898 Here’s to a Swiss miss. 1.2937 0.05044 143 112 20 11
899 Don't let the scenic backdrop distract you. 1.2937 0.04249 143 107 31 5
900 I’m just saying, why not start with a pumpkin? 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
901 Mom made apple strudel yesterday. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
902 This is going to be legendary. 1.2937 0.04530 143 106 30 6
903 If I miss I'll just blame Obama. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
904 Just take a little off the top. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
905 Shirley Tell has been largely forgotten by history, aside from her signature drink 1.2937 0.04794 143 112 21 10
906 So, I got cherries instead. What's the big deal? And why do I have to wear it on my head?? 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
907 This reminds me of the legend of the woodsman who accidentally shot his son with an arrow and was eaten by a dragon. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
908 Let me know if my face is getting in your way. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
909 Wouldn't you rather use this in a Manhattan instead? 1.2937 0.04945 143 111 22 10
910 Will, I think you got this mixed up with the George Washington story. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
911 Are you sure arrow science is a liberal hoax? 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
912 Is this the biggest apple you could find, dad? 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
913 Sure is a mean looking cherry pitter 1.2937 0.04364 143 113 21 9
914 Medieval Knievel 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
915 This is all I could afford at the farmers market. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
916 I'm afraid you're distracted by my lederhosen. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
917 Could we use a pumpkin? 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
918 History tells us little of William's neighbor Larry's attempt at one-upmanship. 1.2937 0.04945 143 111 22 10
919 What do you mean they were out of apples? 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
920 Can't we just order that cherry pitter from Amazon? 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
921 Don't tell mom... especially if I miss! 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
922 Wait, Trump just appointed me to the Supreme Court. 1.2937 0.05141 143 113 18 12
923 September is APPLE season, cherries were in late June ! 1.2937 0.04420 143 106 32 5
924 William, is this an Overture or a Finale? 1.2937 0.05044 143 112 20 11
925 Hans told me that his dad could hit a cranberry. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
926 Looks like a fuji to me. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
927 Well maybe if someone watered the plants like I asked, we'd have some wiggle room. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
928 Because Billy, cherries are 5 cents each while apples are 25 cents. 1.2937 0.04420 143 106 32 5
929 You know, I was thinking, why don’t you practice for another six months? Cherries won’t be in season but ...... hey, we could always use apples. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
930 Got it Dad, Apple, Banana, Cherry... but I think there are better ways to learn my ABCs 1.2937 0.04945 143 111 22 10
931 Dad either ways I think this will go viral. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
932 The Legend of William Maraschino. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
933 History doesn't speak much of William Tells older and less fortunate son" #farsidecomic 1.2937 0.05044 143 112 20 11
934 Papa, does it make my head look big? 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
935 Aim for the red. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
936 Remember there will be no overture if you miss. 1.2917 0.04714 144 110 26 8
937 If we put on masks, you could get within six feet." 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
938 Come on! Trevor said HIS dad used a raisin. 1.2908 0.04562 141 106 29 6
939 I encourage you to think bigger. 1.2908 0.04884 141 109 23 9
940 Dad, please tell me you're familiar with the whole Abraham and Isaac story and how that all worked out... 1.2908 0.04779 141 108 25 8
941 I, will tell. 1.2908 0.04779 141 108 25 8
942 What do you mean," Hi-Ho, Silver"? 1.2908 0.04671 141 112 19 10
943 A win-win as cherries are delightful and his son was not. 1.2908 0.04449 141 105 31 5
944 Should we be doing this a little closer to the town doctor? 1.2908 0.04779 141 108 25 8
945 Father, don't you think we should quit while we're ahead? 1.2908 0.04334 141 104 33 4
946 Wouldn’t you rather see me tie it into a knot with my tongue? 1.2908 0.05087 141 111 19 11
947 Just aim for the head, but slightly higher. 1.2908 0.04671 141 107 27 7
948 An Apple dad! The instructions said, ‘an Apple’” 1.2908 0.04884 141 109 23 9
949 None of the apples they had were organic so this was the next closest I could find. 1.2908 0.04884 141 109 23 9
950 The idea that it was an apple is fake news. 1.2908 0.04562 141 106 29 6
951 shit 1.2908 0.04986 141 110 21 10
952 Have you ever done this before? 1.2908 0.04884 141 109 23 9
953 You're just doubling-down for your base, aren't you? 1.2908 0.04884 141 109 23 9
954 I need to pee. 1.2908 0.04449 141 105 31 5
955 Given the state of the world, forget the apple and just shoot me in the head. 1.2908 0.04671 141 107 27 7
956 We need to increase the danger level for this to go viral. 1.2908 0.04779 141 108 25 8
957 Can we play catch instead? 1.2908 0.04449 141 105 31 5
958 This is why it’s important to make a shopping list. 1.2908 0.04671 141 107 27 7
959 Quick, dad. If we're late for dinner mom will kill us both. 1.2908 0.04671 141 107 27 7
960 At least you'll know your life ended with a cherry on top. 1.2908 0.04671 141 107 27 7
961 Are you sure we can't wait for apple season? 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
962 And a cherry on top does not make an overture. 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
963 You know who should be shot? Your hair stylist. 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
964 This modern cherry pitter will change our lives forever! 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
965 Oh joy! Were they out of raisins Papa? 1.2899 0.04623 138 104 28 6
966 If you miss, it's my turn. 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
967 I’ll just eat this cherry and get out of your way. 1.2899 0.04507 138 103 30 5
968 I have a pit in my stomach 1.2899 0.04954 138 107 22 9
969 Oh just go for it I'll be fine! 2020 can't get any worse. 1.2899 0.05265 138 110 16 12
970 So if I miss I'll have to pay off your student loans? 1.2899 0.04954 138 107 22 9
971 When you said "with a cherry on top" , I thought you were taking me to the Dairy Queen! 1.2899 0.04623 138 104 28 6
972 Go for the stem. 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
973 I'm sure you can now appreciate the seasonality of this trick. 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
974 I have some casabas in the cart. Just saying. 1.2899 0.05060 138 108 20 10
975 You couldn't find a pumpkin? 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
976 Shouldn't you try with an apple first? 1.2899 0.04954 138 107 22 9
977 Don't quiver! 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
978 Maraschino masochism. 1.2899 0.04507 138 103 30 5
979 It's a crabapple,Bill. 1.2899 0.05163 138 109 18 11
980 Can’t we use a watermelon? 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
981 I really don't mind waiting until you find your glasses. 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
982 Could we use a melon? 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
983 You were never my favorite. 1.2899 0.04623 138 104 28 6
984 H-honest, daddy. I’ve been practicing. I’m sure I can keep it up there now! C-can we try the watermelon one more time? 1.2899 0.04623 138 104 28 6
985 There must be an easier way to pit cherries. 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
986 You’d better get on with it if we’re going to pit enough to make pie 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
987 Have you been practicing since the watermelon incident? 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
988 William, don’t tell. 1.2899 0.04954 138 107 22 9
989 I dont think this is what cherry picking means. 1.2899 0.04954 138 107 22 9
990 I must warn you, I’m not very accurate. Rest assured though, I’m quite precise. 1.2899 0.05060 138 108 20 10
991 Guess I should have said “please with an apple on top.” 1.2899 0.04507 138 103 30 5
992 Quick question, did you remember to take your beta blockers today? 1.2899 0.04846 138 106 24 8
993 I'm just warming up for blueberry season. 1.2899 0.05060 138 108 20 10
994 Careful smart-ass, or I'll make it a pea. 1.2889 0.04917 135 104 23 8
995 William Tell and his less famous son 1.2889 0.05028 135 105 21 9
996 The notice said an apple, not a cherry. And, by the way, what ever happened to my brother Walter? 1.2889 0.04318 135 98 33 3
997 First, there's one small thing on my mind 1.2889 0.04687 135 102 27 6
998 If I miss - I'll miss you. 1.2889 0.05028 135 105 21 9
999 Hey, I said buy an apple- you’re the one who bought the cherry 1.2889 0.04567 135 101 29 5
1000 Daddy, if you claim you nailed it, I won't tell. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1001 I'd suggest we use a PUMPKIN for this...... 1.2887 0.03683 142 108 25 5
1002 No, seriously, add the whip cream first. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1003 What we won't do just to get an overture! 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1004 Couldn’t we go fishing instead? 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1005 Dad, please tell me this isn't some kind of Abraham Isaac thing. 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
1006 Either you need to get closer or I'm going to get a bigger apple. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
1007 Ok, Dad. You win. I'll pay for the new lederhosen out of my allowance. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
1008 Why did you tell mom that I am insured now? 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
1009 Can't we just cut the apple with a knife like other families? 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
1010 I hope you're not kidding about the Lasik surgery. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1011 What do you mean you forgot the apple? 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1012 Or, Papa, I could just eat the cherry and we can call it good." 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1013 It’ll only hurt if you miss. 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1014 You’re sure I’ll be in the book of Guinness World Records? 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1015 Hmmm, so size does matter 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 6
1016 My dad is a private injury attorney. 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1017 Wouldn't you just love a watermelon now, Pops? 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1018 If you could aim a little lower and put me out of my misery, that'd be great. 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1019 Why couldn't you take up golf like the other dads? 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1020 your profile said you were 5'9" 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1021 This is not my favorite of your pandemic hobbies. 1.2878 0.04816 139 107 24 8
1022 Trust me Dad, props matter...no trick, no treat... 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1023 Of the three Tell triplets Do, Don't and I Won't, Don't Tell was the bravest among them 1.2868 0.04417 136 101 31 4
1024 I wish I wasn't an only child. 1.2867 0.04615 143 109 27 7
1025 Dad, how about we wait until 2021? 1.2867 0.03859 143 113 20 8
1026 Just my luck that our king decided to seize all the apples to "keep the doctor away" during this pandemic. 1.2867 0.04720 143 110 25 8
1027 Father, could we please use a melon? 1.2847 0.04569 137 106 24 7
1028 Did I tell you how nice that skirt looks on you? 1.2847 0.03800 137 105 28 3
1029 Hey I don’t want to go down in history as a jeopardy question 1.2847 0.05070 137 108 19 10
1030 Papa, have you considered a watermelon or a pumpkin? You still get bragging rights. 1.2847 0.04854 137 106 23 8
1031 Just a little off the top, please. 1.2847 0.04854 137 106 23 8
1032 That's the wrong attachment. 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1033 I'm your least favorite child, aren't I? 1.2847 0.04854 137 106 23 8
1034 But I told the truth about chopping down the cherry tree. 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1035 Why don't we wait till apple picking season. 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1036 She said she needed the apple for tonight's roast 1.2847 0.04265 137 106 25 6
1037 I take it back... pretty please with a watermelon on top! 1.2836 0.04925 134 104 22 8
1038 Is there no overture I could make such that you would forgo this exercise? 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1039 Actually, it's an apple. That's global climate change for you. 1.2824 0.04633 131 99 27 5
1040 Dad, rather than start with a cherry and work up, why don't we start with a melon and work down? 1.2815 0.05004 135 106 20 9
1041 You'd get just as famous with a watermelon. 1.2815 0.04893 135 105 22 8
1042 Remember now, just a little off the top. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1043 I don’t think the type of fruit is really the problem with this plan. 1.2815 0.04661 135 103 26 6
1044 I cannot tell a lie; I'm scared shitless. 1.2815 0.05004 135 106 20 9
1045 On second thought, I'd rather wait till I'm married. 1.2815 0.05004 135 106 20 9
1046 Father, would not a proportionately smaller arrow be more appropriate? 1.2815 0.04418 135 101 30 4
1047 Are you sure you're not thinking about the George Washington story? 1.2815 0.04418 135 101 30 4
1048 Pink cherry juice means it's a girl; blue juice means it's a boy. Red juice? That confirms my hypothesis that gender is merely a construct. 1.2815 0.04661 135 103 26 6
1049 I don’t want to split hairs, especially mine, but the script calls for an apple, not a cherry. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1050 Proceed with caution. Objects on head are smaller than they appear. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1051 It's really a question of scale. 1.2815 0.04893 135 105 22 8
1052 Could you chop down the cherry tree instead? That could get you into the history books, too. 1.2815 0.04893 135 105 22 8
1053 Not a great time to put the cherry on top 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1054 An apple? An apple! I'm embarrassed to call you my father. 1.2815 0.04893 135 105 22 8
1055 Hmmm. Something doesn't seem right here! 1.2815 0.04541 135 102 28 5
1056 Still too close Dad. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1057 Ok, ok, I'm sorry I called you crabby this morning, and yes I see the irony. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1058 The story will tell better with an apple. 1.2815 0.04893 135 105 22 8
1059 Too bad for me that the apple harvest sucked this year. 1.2815 0.04541 135 102 28 5
1060 William, Tell me what's wrong with this picture. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1061 Ok #11, stay still this time alright? 1.2815 0.04418 135 101 30 4
1062 Billy Tell did not share his father's level of confidence. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1063 Wait, I'm not the tart you think I am. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1064 Don’t worry Dad! If you miss, you can just blame it on my underlying conditions... 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1065 It's normal if you bleed a little 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1066 Trust me, the size doesn’t matter 1.2815 0.04418 135 101 30 4
1067 You know you could’ve chosen any fruit, right? 1.2815 0.04893 135 105 22 8
1068 It's 2020 what could possibly go wrong? 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1069 how is this part of the internship? 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1070 With how the world is going, I guess I wouldn't mind if you missed 1.2794 0.05080 136 108 18 10
1071 No dad, it doesn't just look smaller because I'm further away! 1.2782 0.05158 133 106 17 10
1072 Say, isn't that an apple tree over there? 1.2782 0.04316 133 99 31 3
1073 There are other ways to go viral Dad 1.2782 0.04695 133 102 25 6
1074 Any caffeine this morning? 1.2769 0.04370 130 97 30 3
1075 I’m pretty sure the instructions said ‘apple’ and not ‘cherry.” 1.2769 0.05006 130 102 20 8
1076 I wish the technology for pitting cherries would evolve. 1.2769 0.04886 130 100 22 7
1077 Thanks for not picking the raisin. 1.2769 0.04762 130 100 24 6
1078 It’s this or on-campus learning. 1.2769 0.04886 130 101 22 7
1079 I love you Dad, but you don't always have to one up your brother. Let uncle Will have this one, Okay? 1.2769 0.04635 130 99 26 5
1080 I'm getting the feeling this is no longer about Swiss independence. 1.2769 0.04886 130 101 22 7
1081 Are you using the poisonous arrows or the regular ones? 1.2769 0.05239 130 104 16 10
1082 Hold still... 1.2769 0.04232 130 96 32 2
1083 William would go on to work with apples in a far distant jurisdiction with another child 1.2769 0.05352 130 105 14 11
1084 Yes, that cherry DOES make you look fat 1.2761 0.04784 134 104 23 7
1085 Don't worry, I'm trained: I attended a stem school. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1086 Shouldn't we start with a melon? 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1087 Only the amateurs do this with apples. 1.2756 0.04427 127 95 29 3
1088 I misspoke. My favorite is actually watermelon. 1.2756 0.04700 127 97 25 5
1089 Dad, just because the Tells grow apples and we grow cherries..... 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1090 Can this wait until apple season? 1.2756 0.04427 127 95 29 3
1091 Don't you think you should put your glasses on first? 1.2756 0.04566 127 96 27 4
1092 Two words: aim high. 1.2756 0.04566 127 96 27 4
1093 Shoot the cherry already. You'll never become famous by shooting an apple. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1094 I need a bigger apple or a smaller head. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1095 I don’t like this cartoon 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1096 Hey, Pops, with Mt. Fuji behind us and me standing under this cherry, do you think we just might be in the wrong time and place? 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
1097 Look, if you don't want me around I can go live with Grandma. 1.2756 0.04427 127 95 29 3
1098 Maybe it's time to get those glasses. 1.2756 0.04566 127 96 27 4
1099 I’m not saying a maraschino cherry isn’t a good idea, I’m just saying maybe it isn’t the best idea. 1.2756 0.04700 127 97 25 5
1100 Are you sure this is the only way to get the pit out? 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1101 I'm thinking that maybe I should go first. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1102 Mount Fuji is beautiful, but I sure wish they had apple trees here... 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1103 They are delicious, but I really prefer watermelons. 1.2756 0.04427 127 95 29 3
1104 Let’s wait till the pumpkin season. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1105 I think I hear the Lone Ranger coming! 1.2756 0.04497 127 98 24 5
1106 You should smile more. 1.2756 0.04700 127 97 25 5
1107 Have you heard that pumpkins are the new apples? 1.2756 0.05205 127 101 17 9
1108 Come on father, lets show that Tell family! 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1109 Alternatively, I could mix you up a nice Old Fashioned. 1.2756 0.05205 127 101 17 9
1110 Pretty please, can it be an apple on top instead? 1.2756 0.04566 127 96 27 4
1111 I'm not sure that the cherry on top is meant literally. Please go back to the apple...... 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1112 Either way, it’s YouTube gold. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1113 Father, I do not appreciate your overture. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1114 I really fucking hate the patriarchy. 1.2756 0.05324 127 102 15 10
1115 Sorry boy, this is still safer than going to a public restaurant 1.2756 0.04566 127 96 27 4
1116 Yes. Don't worry. It's six feet. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1117 When did you say mom was coming back from the market with the apples? 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1118 Have you seen the price of Honeycrisps lately? 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1119 Either way, it will make a great college essay. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1120 Shouldn't I go first? 1.2756 0.05205 127 101 17 9
1121 Aim for the stem, not the pit. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1122 Why can’t you pit cherries like a normal dad? 1.2756 0.04700 127 97 25 5
1123 Dad I know you're a good shot but I'm sure he said you can use an apple 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1124 I think we should've gone apple picking instead. 1.2756 0.04283 127 94 31 2
1125 It makes my head look too big. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1126 I shouldn't have asked Mom to bake that apple pie. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1127 I cannot tell a lie; I’m nervous. 1.2756 0.04700 127 97 25 5
1128 Sir Isaac Newton discovers gravity just in the nick of time 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1129 This bonding time is really missing the mark for me 1.2756 0.04700 127 97 25 5
1130 Now put your mask on, better safe than sorry 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
1131 William Tell: Folklore of the Male Ego. 1.2756 0.05205 127 101 17 9
1132 I saw this on a Youtube tutorial video. Hold still. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1133 Just aim for the one thing that isn't gray. 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
1134 Hey Pa, are you sure this is an apple? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
1135 This whole idea seems da-da-dumb da-da-dumb da-da-dumb-dumb-dumb 1.2748 0.05203 131 105 16 10
1136 Tell me I’m your little sundae 1.2748 0.04972 131 103 20 8
1137 They don't say, "Pretty please with an apple on top!" 1.2748 0.04730 131 101 24 6
1138 I say it's a cherry and I say the hell with this. 1.2734 0.05169 128 102 17 9
1139 How will this internship experience benefit my future job prospects?" 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1140 Wait! Does my grotesquely disproportional head make this apple look too small? 1.2734 0.04535 128 97 27 4
1141 Just wait 'till they write an overture about this! 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1142 Tell already did the apple.....you gotta step it up if you want to go viral! 1.2720 0.05252 125 100 16 9
1143 Why do you always have to try to upstage Mr. Tell? 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
1144 Can't we just do trust falls instead. 1.2720 0.04307 125 93 30 2
1145 It doesn't hurt to get some new headshots. 1.2720 0.05128 125 99 18 8
1146 I'd feel a lot better if you had a watermelon. 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1147 Dad, how about you practice law instead? 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1148 I'm sorry we ran out of pumpkins. 1.2720 0.04154 125 92 32 1
1149 As a hat, it’s a fashion risk. 1.2720 0.04307 125 97 22 5
1150 You couldn't find a Macintosh? 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1151 Trust me, if you learn on the cherry the apple will be a breeze. 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1152 We'll be more famous if it's an apple, Dad. 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
1153 You'd better do it NOW, because someday it will have sexual connotations 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1154 This is not how he pictured his son losing his cherry 1.2720 0.05252 125 100 16 9
1155 Watermelons are also in season. 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1156 Nah, let's go with the watermelon. 1.2720 0.05128 125 99 18 8
1157 You’re not six feet away. 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1158 I’m going to run on the count of 2 per my 2020 instincts. 1.2720 0.04454 125 94 28 3
1159 The time had come for Will to tell his daughter the truth - she really did have an awkwardly large head. 1.2720 0.04803 125 99 19 7
1160 It's okay, I saw a guy do it on Youtube. 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1161 Don’t worry, we’ll have a vaccine by November. 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1162 Sorry, kid. Pineapples are out of season. 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1163 Remember, when they go low we go high! . 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1164 Whitout glasses dad?! 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1165 Before the other archers arrive, I think you should reconsider your hat. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1166 Dad, your history with Microsoft shouldn't affect this...we agreed on an apple! 1.2713 0.05014 129 102 19 8
1167 How about I just tie the cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. That's a pretty cool talent ... and no one dies if I fail! 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1168 Wait — brilliant idea — you shoot an apple and then we eat it. 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1169 Alright, I ate the apple. 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1170 Wait. Let me go get the pumpkin. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1171 Not since your late mother have I seen such bravery.” 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1172 What do you mean there weren't any apples at the market? 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1173 Do you want William Tell to win the talent competition?! 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1174 Shouldn’t we start with something bigger? Like a melon? 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1175 Don't worry! The chances of you dying from arrow are lower than from not wearing a mask. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1176 May your aim be as high as my expectations. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1177 Who’s the fucking nihilist here? 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1178 Why are you pointing at my crotch? 1.2683 0.05172 123 98 17 8
1179 Let's not, and say we did." 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1180 How about we start with a watermelon instead? 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1181 Can’t we just make a Shirley Temple? 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1182 Why don’t we start with the apple? 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1183 Maybe a watermelon? 1.2683 0.04700 123 97 20 6
1184 Maybe he should just let her have the whole cherry, thought Solomon. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1185 I'd prefer a pumpkin, but maybe we can compromise. 1.2683 0.04331 123 92 29 2
1186 As you always say, Dad, 'Aim high.' 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1187 I'm just say'in, it's a little melodramatic for eating all your Cherry Garcia! 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1188 Oh, c'mon, my mom said we can play as long as we stay 6 feet apart! 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1189 If your mother asks, it was an apple. 1.2683 0.04331 123 92 29 2
1190 Wish I had gone to the Farmer's Market earlier. 1.2683 0.05172 123 98 17 8
1191 Or you could just buy a cherry pitter from Williams Sonoma. 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1192 Wouldn't this work better with a pumpkin? 1.2683 0.04482 123 93 27 3
1193 Yes, using the cherry certainly puts a new spin on things, but I do fear we might regret not sticking with the apple. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1194 Let's try a watermelon first and then work our way down? 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1195 Or maybe I’m supposed to chop down a tree. It’s always confused me. 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1196 Are you sure you wouldn't rather see me tie the stem in a knot with my tongue? 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1197 But no one does the Apple Challenge anymore. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1198 You forgot the whipped cream. 1.2683 0.04482 123 93 27 3
1199 What, no blindfold? 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1200 Dad, you're micromanaging again. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1201 Are you sure this is how cocktail garnishes are made? 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1202 Check your Apple watch, Dad. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1203 Shooting an apple off a friend or family member's head is a pandemic-friendly activity everyone can enjoy. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1204 Dad, as you've always told, "aim high". 1.2683 0.05172 123 98 17 8
1205 Aim high, and I won't ever Tell! 1.2683 0.05300 123 99 15 9
1206 You didn't forget your glasses again, Dad--did you? Did you? 1.2683 0.05300 123 99 15 9
1207 Third time’s a charm? 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1208 In 2019 we would have done this indoors. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1209 Putting aside what sits upon my head for a moment, Mr.Tell, have you ever been told you’re a dead ringer for Sebastian Cabot? 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1210 I think I've changed my mind! 1.2683 0.05300 123 99 15 9
1211 If your mother asks, they were out of apples. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 22 5
1212 Chill out, Dad. You'll still be a legend if we use an apple. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1213 Come on Dad. What’s the hurry? Let’s wait for the apple harvest. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1214 Dad, does that have the little suction cup at the end? 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1215 The rarely-told legend of cousin Barney Tell’s disasterous attempt to shoot a cherry off his son’s head. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1216 Dad, did you just say that course you took in archery was virtual? 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1217 Dad, can we use a watermelon instead? 1.2683 0.04482 123 93 27 3
1218 Thank goodness cranberries aren't in season. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1219 Shoot for the moon. You may still miss, but at least I’ll live to see the stars. 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1220 If we have a choice, I suddenly have a yen for pineapple. 1.2683 0.05172 123 98 17 8
1221 I thought you said I was the apple of your eye, not the apple or the eye. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1222 Don’t worry, Dad, I won’t tell Mom if you miss. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1223 You could at least wear a mask! 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1224 Brian Tell tries to one-up his brother 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1225 Son, let this be a lesson on why popping a cherry should be preceded by years of practice . 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1226 Weren’t we going to do the “ice bucket challenge” this year? 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 20 6
1227 I DON'T wish I were taller. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1228 I’m sorry but I’ve already disassociated 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1229 ‘Are you sure YouTube videos are enough to learn how to do this?’ 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1230 Of course your mum said it was fine, don't worry! 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1231 The rich are pitting us against each other. 1.2683 0.05300 123 99 15 9
1232 Let’s see William Tell hit THIS! 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1233 Dad, am I still the apple of your eye? 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1234 I saw someone do this on TikTok. 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1235 There are so many things that are wrong about this 1.2656 0.04896 128 101 20 7
1236 Honestly, this is safer than me being in gym class... 1.2656 0.04896 128 101 20 7
1237 Nice feather. 1.2656 0.04769 128 100 22 6
1238 It can't get any worse, right? #2020 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
1239 I picked a crabapple to match your mood. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1240 Bear in mind, you’re already starting with one downvote. 1.2645 0.04586 121 100 13 8
1241 You seem disappointed that I survived the apple incident. 1.2645 0.04510 121 92 26 3
1242 It's just that the other home-schooled kids get apples. 1.2645 0.04586 121 95 21 5
1243 I was hoping for a variety other than "crab." 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1244 An apple? Think different. 1.2645 0.04660 121 93 24 4
1245 The apples were sold out, huh? 1.2645 0.04510 121 92 26 3
1246 My mom was right. You are the weird uncle. 1.2645 0.04660 121 93 24 4
1247 Maybe we should quit while we're a head. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1248 Okay Eric, don't look at your dead brother Donald Jr. I can do this, I'm the greatest crossbowman in history. Just ask Rush Limbaugh. Ivanka is next. Then Jared. So just to believe in the power of QAnon and don't move. Remember, science lies. 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
1249 I'm getting mixed fairytale messages. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1250 Daddy some things do NOT appear larger than they really are ... 1.2645 0.04510 121 92 26 3
1251 You have to stop drinking and gambling. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1252 I know it's cherry season, but can we please use another fruit? 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1253 Hey, Dad, wouldn't using a much smaller arrow or dart--like a really tiny dart--be more impressive proof of your marksmanship? 1.2645 0.05218 121 97 16 8
1254 Go back and negotiate a watermelon option. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1255 I told you we didn't need that cherry pitter. 1.2645 0.04947 121 94 20 6
1256 I KNOW THEY'RE IN SEASON, BUT IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1257 Dad we are in the digital age can we do this by virtual reality 1.2645 0.04660 121 93 24 4
1258 Son, are you absolutely certain you read the directions, and this is the assignment your Science teacher posted for today? 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1259 They say third time’s a charm! 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1260 No no, I'm sure it's a cherry that keeps the doctor away. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1261 Let’s not tell mom about this one 1.2645 0.04660 121 92 24 4
1262 Dont worry the common flu kills way more people every year than arrow 1.2645 0.04510 121 92 26 3
1263 Just shoot me, honestly. I'm sick of all this crap. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1264 Can I make an overture for a bigger apple? 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1265 This may or may not improve your haircut. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1266 What do you think is the most inappropriate part of this, Dad? 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1267 Whoa, wait Billy Boy, this was from your NINTH Manhattan? 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1268 It's not a target, I just like wearing it. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1269 So if you miss, I get to keep the arrow? 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1270 This was the moment the fabled Swiss folk hero realized he was colorblind. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1271 OK, already.....I chopped down the cherry tree. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1272 I think we have our metaphors mixed. 1.2640 0.05223 125 101 15 9
1273 Does Mom know you're doing this? 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1274 I don't want an elitist expert who knows how to shoot 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1275 Don’t worry, I just watched a pretty good tutorial on YouTube. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1276 Think different. 1.2640 0.04564 125 95 25 4
1277 It is a little known fact that prior to using an apple and his son, William Tell attempted to shoot a cherry off his daughter's head. 1.2636 0.05114 110 86 19 5
1278 You just had to eat the apple, didn't you? 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1279 I am NOT allergic to apples. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1280 Apples are sooo last century. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1281 I shouldn't have given that apple to the teacher. 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1282 I confess. I chopped down the cherry tree. 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1283 Think of it as less of a target, more of a garnish. 1.2627 0.05025 118 92 19 6
1284 Apples are SO last season. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1285 You had to choose an organic apple? 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1286 Why don't you have any kids again? 1.2627 0.04410 118 89 27 2
1287 I bet mom’s divorce lawyer might like to hear about this. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1288 It's ok, the bangs cover last weeks marks. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1289 Either way, this clip will go viral 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1290 What if we warmed up with a watermelon? 1.2627 0.04243 118 88 29 1
1291 All I'm saying is: Mom wouldn't miss. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1292 I cannot tell a lie father... I ate the apple. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1293 Until you get the Lasik procedure, I’d prefer the watermelon 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1294 Dad, you’re going to need a bigger apple. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1295 Quit whining. Crabapples count as apples.” 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1296 Listen, it’s the theme from “the Lone Ranger” 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1297 Apples were bigger in those days. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1298 You do realize you missed, when I had a cantaloupe on my head. 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1299 What’s with the crab apple, Dad? 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1300 And that’s why they call it a “son day”. 1.2627 0.05440 118 96 13 9
1301 We’ve been in quarantine too long. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1302 William Tell Jr. ill-advisedly tried to one-up his father's famous stunt. 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1303 Promise you will stop once you get 10,000 views? 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1304 Apple wouldn't let us use their logo. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1305 I say let's wait until they develop guided imagery. 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1306 Since when was "an apple" subject to interpretation? 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1307 Any chance I can convince you to coin the celebratory phrase "How do you like them apples" instead 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1308 How about a watermelon? Regular melon? Grapefruit? An apple? 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1309 You agreed to this. I said pretty please with a cherry on top.” 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1310 How come with my brother you used an apple? 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1311 What if I'm not exactly your son? You should talk to Mom. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1312 Then, according to legend, William Tell shot Shirley in the Temple 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1313 Father, might I suggest a watermelon? 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1314 Have you read about Abraham? 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1315 Why can't you take up falconry instead, like Rudi's father? 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1316 Johnny Appleseed's evil cousin, Jimmy Cherrypit. 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1317 Still now. I’ve already run out of apples; don’t make me run out of children.” 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1318 How is this supposed to help the poor, again? 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1319 There's a big juicy Delicious right on the ground right in back of you, Daddy... 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1320 Apple, cherries, it doesn't matter. We needn't split hairs. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1321 I hope I'm getting paid extra for this. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1322 We don't have to do this every time a piece of fruit falls off a tree and lands on my head. 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1323 Why is it that you are always trying to one up your twin brother Will? 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1324 If you miss I’ll never trust you again. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1325 'Wait! Wait! Wait! That's a crab apple, you idiot!' 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1326 Walter Tell’s dad has apples. Just sayin... 1.2627 0.04243 118 93 20 4
1327 Right now having major regrets not getting that watermelon hat...... 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1328 Show off all you like, it won't change the fact that I wear the pants in this family. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1329 My turn next. 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1330 Third child's a charm? 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1331 I was thinking more like a pumpkin, so let’s split the difference and go with an apple. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1332 The margin of error was very small; however, if he missed he’d still be nearly perfect. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1333 Dad! It's a CRABapple! 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1334 What do you mean, "I left my glasses at home?" 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1335 I never thought this would be the way I’d lose my cherry 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1336 Once you master this, dad, an apple will be so easy! 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1337 Don’t worry. We’re six feet apart. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1338 Come on Bill... only gender fluid men in tights shoot apples 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1339 Try to miss me, pretty please with a cherry on top. 1.2627 0.04410 118 89 27 2
1340 William Tell's first failed experiment. 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1341 On a scale of one to two, how confident are you feeling? 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1342 Can we get ice cream after this? 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1343 I'd prefer a larger apple, but what the hell... 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1344 Just because it's red with a stem dose not make it an apple 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1345 Sorry kid, we got more children than apples this year. 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1346 You're SURE they were all out of pumpkins? 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1347 Uh, let's do an apple instead of the cherry. 1.2627 0.04410 118 89 27 2
1348 I always knew my brother was your favorite. 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1349 On second thought, that might work better on top of a sundae. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1350 Dad, I hope you didn’t have that second mead 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1351 Are you sure you read the script? 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1352 My brother's been at grandma's for a long time. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1353 The online grocery thing still isn't 100%, huh, Pop? 1.2627 0.05440 118 96 13 9
1354 Relax, at least the pit isn't in your stomach. 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1355 Mom was asking about the child support, but something tells me now is not a good time. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1356 Why you lookin’ at me like that, Dad? 1.2627 0.04410 118 89 27 2
1357 I’d have preferred to do this over Zoom 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1358 Trust me!! 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1359 It's regular-sized. I just have an enormous head. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
1360 O.K., so now I understand why it's an apple a day that keeps the doctor away. 1.2623 0.04911 122 94 20 6
1361 Okay, not a watermelon. How about an apple? 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1362 If you miss can I have a go? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
1363 Maybe we should try a cherry pitter instead. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
1364 When I asked, 'Pretty, please, with a cherry on top,' this is not what I had in mind 1.2623 0.04911 122 95 20 6
1365 I can’t do it, son! I need that cherry for my cocktail. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1366 You’ll finally take me off your email list after this, right? 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
1367 Now, if we’re lucky I’ll miss just enough to cut off those bangs. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1368 Dad I get the point, make practice harder so the real exam is easy... But don't you think you are taking it a bit far? 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
1369 Apple season not being for a few months, William Tell went for cherries, instead. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1370 Ok, now close your eyes, count to ten, and then shoot. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1371 Make it look like an accident. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1372 Oh darn the cows Papi, I yust remember I'm late for zoom yodel lesson. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1373 Could we start with apples or maybe pumpkins first? 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1374 If you said I look 'appealing', we use an apple. 'Chubby' gets a cherry 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1375 The winning caption for contest #721 was entered hundreds of times. And it wasn't funny a single time. Step it up New Yorker. 1.2602 0.05270 123 100 14 9
1376 Look, it’s not my fault you’re allergic to apples... 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1377 ...I'd have to ask myself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well...do ya punk? 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
1378 I'm sorry I said 'Apples are for wimps' 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1379 This is the stuff of legend! 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
1380 Dad! This is why everyone calls you a one-upper. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1381 Billy, do you think, perhaps, we might wait until apples are in season? 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
1382 Thank goodness I'm wearing lederhosen! 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1383 Do you feel lucky? 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1384 We can always reschedule for another day. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1385 Just think of how many likes this will get. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1386 I don't think I'm old enough for this. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1387 You're going to have to do more with less." 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1388 Should we have graduated to the cherry from the apple without a little more practice? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1389 You had to brag about your marksmanship, didn't you? 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1390 Let's take turns; I'll go first. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1391 Where`s your glasses? 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1392 I wish The Lone Ranger would hurry up and get here. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1393 If you miss, Daddy, I won’t Tell. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1394 Pretty pretty please? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1395 You promised whipped cream. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1396 Dad, you could prove your point using an apple couldn’t you? 1.2602 0.04807 123 99 17 7
1397 You look silly in that skirt. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1398 What happened when you did this with my brother? 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1399 I thought you said an apple. 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
1400 Does it feel like a life or death situation now? 1.2602 0.03887 123 98 21 4
1401 Two out of three? 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1402 Wouldn’t a large pumpkin be more festive? 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1403 Okay, okay! I chopped down the cherry tree. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1404 No, I have not gotten bigger. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1405 Either way, you'll be famous. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1406 If you miss, I'm telling mom. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1407 I’m sorry I ate the apple! I’m sorry I ate the apple! Can we play a different game? 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1408 Let’s call it a day and quit while we’re ahead. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1409 I hope you made sure this was a non GMO, gluten free, organic, free range cherry. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1410 Wait... I think I left the iron on. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1411 Don't be afraid son, everything is going well in 2020, I got this 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1412 Of all the days to forget my glasses... 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1413 If you wouldn’t mind, could you aim for the stem? 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1414 Thine YeTube followers shallst loveth this! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1415 Storyboard sample of Spielberg’s “Wilhelm’s List” 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
1416 This is going to be like totally legendary. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
1417 Vanity be damned! You need to wear your glasses! 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
1418 I am starting to regret eating those apples. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
1419 "I'll tell you who cut down that cherry tree after I get immunity and a book deal. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1420 Can you just have my cherry the old fashioned way? 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1421 Could stand a bit closer? 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1422 I am beginning I wish I had cut down an apple tree instead. 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1423 Think about it Dad.... ginger ale, grenadine and a maraschino cherry ....it will be legendary. 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
1424 Well, ok, if not a watermelon, how about a pineapple? Or a grapefruit at least? 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
1425 Are you sure being TikTok famous is this important to you? 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1426 This has got to get us more likes on TikTok than William Tell." 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1427 Okay, okay ... you can be the Lone Ranger and I'll be Tonto. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1428 A little off the top, Please. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1429 You should get your spectacles.' 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
1430 I liked the watermelon idea better. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1431 Okay, so you thought a giant pumpkin would be too big. Maybe we could compromise? 1.2564 0.04647 117 92 19 5
1432 Oh dear. I can see now that eating all those apples was a bad idea. 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
1433 You need a smaller arrow. 1.2564 0.04726 117 89 22 4
1434 I just think a watermelon is more memorable. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1435 ...and Bobby can have my ice skates, and Sissy can have back the sweater she knitted for me, and don't forget to feed my dog, and... 1.2564 0.04403 117 89 26 2
1436 Methinks twas an apple, Da. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1437 Mr. Tell, are you sure you don’t want to use an apple? 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1438 I just want a little off the top. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1439 It's OK, Dad, most of the kids I saw on Instagram survived this challenge. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1440 You do realize I’m your sole heir to the crown? 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1441 I said watermelon, you said cherry. How about we compromise on an apple? 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1442 It's supposed to be an apple Rob. Cherries were George Washington. Duh. 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1443 If we do this right, Rossini may write an overture about it, and the Lone Ranger might use it for his theme song 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1444 What form did I sign? 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1445 Wait dad, you've got your folklore confused! George Washington was the cherry guy. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1446 Why can't I just grab a cutting board like Mom does? 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1447 Was the apple orchard out of stock? 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
1448 Let me wear my mask at least! 1.2564 0.04403 117 89 26 2
1449 Cherry picking in the year 2020. 1.2564 0.05313 117 95 14 8
1450 Now don’t tell your mother about this... 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
1451 Heads you lose. 1.2544 0.05109 114 91 17 6
1452 Either way the Maraschino name will go down in history. 1.2544 0.04631 114 88 23 3
1453 Hmm, I am beginning to see why they used an apple in the original. 1.2544 0.04795 114 89 21 4
1454 Just don’t mess up my hair. I just got it done. 1.2544 0.04795 114 89 21 4
1455 Mess this up and we're calling you Swiss Miss 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1456 ‘’It appears you’re first in line for the first socially distant vaccination.....’’ 1.2523 0.05490 107 87 13 7
1457 Hold on! Time for a selfie. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1458 The apples weren't ripe yet. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1459 I'm starting to regret not getting the watermelon 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1460 I forgot my glasses, but it's fine. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1461 Let's see how good that laser eye surgery worked for you. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1462 Could we play Monopoly instead Dad? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1463 Cherry? Looked like an apple to me. My vision is remarkable. Perfect even. The best on planet Earth. I have genius eyes. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1464 Did you ask Gessler about using a suction cup arrow? 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1465 Why do boys always get bigger apples? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1466 ‘Obama Holdover’ Immigration Judges Question Constitutionality of Trump Admin’s Most Recent Test forTemporary Child Asylum Protection 1.2523 0.05272 111 92 11 8
1467 Not to worry; I've learned a lot from my mistakes. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1468 This is the pits. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1469 You proved you could do it, Dad. We don't need to go for two out of three. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1470 What's next, a raisin? 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1471 Wait! I haven’t had my tetanus shot! 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1472 Can I borrow your hat? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1473 Now he is just getting cocky. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1474 Your rivalry with William Tell is getting out of hand. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1475 Just think of it as a crabapple 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1476 Daddy, please put on your glasses! 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1477 Pop, can’t we just come back during apple season? 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1478 William Tell never really much liked his son. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1479 You had to get hungry on the way here 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1480 There are easier ways of removing the pit.” 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1481 I got the apple, didn't I? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1482 I feel special enough so let's use an apple. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1483 Fifty bucks if you hit the stem 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1484 They were out of apples, but at least I didn't go with a blueberry. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1485 The overture was cool and everything, dad, but let's not push it. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1486 Apples should be on sale next week. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1487 But... cherry season's over... 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1488 I'd prefer if you under promised and over delivered 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1489 I think we should wait till it’s apple season again. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1490 Mom needed the apple for a pie. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1491 I'm your son Dad, not a sun Dae. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1492 I know, let's use a beach ball instead! 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1493 Why is it you always have to get one up on Uncle Will? 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1494 This is a pathetic attempt to outdo Uncle William 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1495 Why did you have to plant a stupid cherry tree? Why couldn’t you have planted an apple tree like Joey Tell’s dad? 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1496 Don't do it dad. Pretty please with a ... oh. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1497 Can we wait until pumpkins are in season? 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1498 Did I mention that I made a call to the Office of Children and Family Services? 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1499 Maybe I should go get an apple. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1500 No. Four out of five is not good! 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1501 Did my parents say this was okay? 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1502 I was thinking more of a Carmen Miranda scenario. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1503 Abraham and Isaac visit Switzerland 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1504 Dad! I'd bet my life, he said "apple" 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1505 Before you shoot, father, please remember this is still 2020. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1506 Do you want to be a Tiktok dad or not? 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1507 After this, we're going to use a garbanzo bean! 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1508 If you are going to miss, aim high. 1.2523 0.05500 111 91 12 8
1509 Are you sure Billy's dad did it from fifty feet and not fifteen? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1510 If this works we can try a raisin next. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1511 Did we have to make so-o-o much applesauce? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1512 Let’s use a pumpkin. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1513 Tell me why Jr. got the last apple? 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1514 Not that I don't trust you William, but maybe we should start with a larger fruit? 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1515 You know Dearest all-knowing Father, perhaps the generally applied wisdom of 'starting off small' may not suit all new endeavors equally 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1516 Even if you don’t go through with it, you’re still legendary in my books, Dad. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1517 No offense: I'm just sayin' ...there's an apple in my lunch. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1518 Hold it Dad, Mom's bringing a cantaloupe. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1519 Dad, the side-eye is making me nervous. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1520 Let’s hold off until watermelon season. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1521 You couldn't wait for dinner. You had to eat the apple. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1522 The shoes, haircut and lederhosen--Dad, please aim for my heart. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1523 Remind me, which one of us has our eyes closed? 1.2523 0.04868 111 86 20 4
1524 ‘What if we are accused of cherry picking?’ 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1525 Since you’re being homeschooled now let’s begin your first lesson. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1526 ok, but if you miss you're giving me back my skirt. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1527 Let’s hope this try goes better than your sister’s. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1528 We should probably be wearing masks. 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1529 Another well-planned gender reveal stunt! 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1530 Yah I swear- it’s a way cooler trick. I’ll tie it with my tongue. I’ll show you, just put down the bow & arrow. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1531 If you want to make it to the America's Got Talent finals, we have to bring the danger, Dad. 1.2523 0.05500 111 91 12 8
1532 Are you sure this is how to pop my cherry? 1.2523 0.05647 111 92 10 9
1533 Let this be a lesson to you son. Do something amazing and your followers will always expect you to outdo yourself. Now hold still. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1534 Please cancel my Apple subscriptions 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
1535 This isn't big enough for Switzerland's Got Talent, William. 1.2500 0.04301 112 85 26 1
1536 Cherry pitter prototype, version 1.0 1.2500 0.05306 112 91 14 7
1537 Can we switch places? 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1538 Dad, I'm pretty convinced you proved your manhood with the apple... 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1539 Couldn’t we just go for ice cream? 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1540 Because you ate all of the apples. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1541 Crossbow Calvin never got to be as famous as William Tell, and don't even ask about Shotgun Sheldon. 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1542 And now for the cherry on top... 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1543 Budget cutback. 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1544 Hurry up. This cherry ain't gonna peel itself. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1545 When did you last get your eyes tested? 1.2478 0.04450 113 87 24 2
1546 May I please change my lederhosen first? 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1547 Maybe I should have brought my glasses. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1548 Sigh...I would’ve let you step closer for better aim, but we don’t have our masks on 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
1549 Should you put your glasses on? 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
1550 My head is not big. 1.2477 0.04817 109 87 16 5
1551 Honestly, Daddy, I didn't eat your apple! 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1552 Excuse me sir, but don't you usually wear glasses? 1.2477 0.04904 109 85 19 4
1553 You better be right this time that size doesn't matter. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1554 But I'm allergic to cherries. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1555 The red thing. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1556 So now this is dangerous? 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1557 My aim is great, My eye site not so Great 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1558 If you're as good as they say you are, let's see you shoot this cherry off my head, Mr. Tell. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1559 They told me it would be an apple 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1560 Why don't we try a watermelon instead? 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1561 A Bing cherry? That guy in Switzerland used an apple! 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1562 You know not where? 1.2477 0.04354 109 83 25 1
1563 So, if I hold still, I get the REST of the sundae? 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1564 Big spender couldn't go for a watermelon? 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1565 It’s a metaphor, right? 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1566 Okay, Yeah, I cut down the cherry tree. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1567 You didn’t tell me what happens to the boy with the apple. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1568 I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but a bigger apple might make it easier- just saying. 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1569 OK, I will apologize for eating that apple. 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
1570 I'm telling Mom! 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1571 I’m going to need a urine sample. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1572 You might want to turn around. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1573 Crabapples are apples, but not easy targets. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1574 Wait! You’re not THAT good—look for an apple. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1575 Wrong mountain, we need to change the locale 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1576 But why did you have to cherry pick me? 1.2477 0.05995 109 93 5 11
1577 We’ve got to get the pit out...it’s a choking hazard. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1578 You always want to outdo Grandpa Will! 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1579 So we swap turns until one of us hits the cherry, right? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1580 Now I'll have an excuse to be mortally afraid of fruit!" 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1581 Instead might I suggest my younger sister one tree over with a melon on her head. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 18 4
1582 Have you considred a Granny Smith? 1.2477 0.04904 109 85 19 4
1583 Could you come closer? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1584 I know what you're thinking, Dad, but the Lederhosen are stain resistant. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1585 Are you sure this will get me to college? 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1586 How about we use a watermelon instead? 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1587 If I live to lose this bet again remind me to pick a pumpkin. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1588 I hope one day to make this shot 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1589 I don't believe you. Yesterday they had PLENTY of pineapples. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1590 I'm sick of Tommy Tell always bragging about HIS dad! 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1591 Can we please buy the big GMO cherries next time? 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1592 I'm the first? Wow! So exciting. I can't wait to tell my friends. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1593 Are you sure he meant me when he said, "and a cherry on top"? 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1594 Don't worry. We're just practicing. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1595 It's an apple. My head's just swollen. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1596 How many will we need for the pie? 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
1597 Wait! Before you shoot, do the Overture! 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1598 Wait! I can’t do this until the Overture starts! 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1599 You said an apple, Dad, not a cherry. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1600 At six feet apart, surely you can pop the cherry. 1.2477 0.05554 109 90 11 8
1601 Are you sure there isn't an easier way to pit these cherries? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1602 I know cherries are in season, but still... 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1603 OK, what about a watermelon? 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
1604 Okay, so let’s say you can do it with a cherry too. But what next? 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1605 Just do ,Tell 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1606 Just aim for the red dot.... 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1607 Let's use the larger apple or the smaller arrow 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1608 Don't worry. There are 29 more dolls nesting in me. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1609 Sorry, Dad, I ate the apple. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1610 And where did you say Mommy is? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1611 Should I trust an archer who can’t see the difference between an apple and a cherry? 1.2477 0.04728 109 84 21 3
1612 We can either do this or you can go to school without a mask. Either way there’s a big change you won’t make it alive 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1613 And so “Ready, Aim, “ were the last words Billy heard. 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
1614 Well, this is better than going back to quarantine anyway... 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1615 Don’t get your hopes up 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1616 The world is falling apart. Will you shoot me in the head, pretty please with a cherry on top? 1.2477 0.05705 109 91 9 9
1617 What's your plan B? 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1618 You do realize William Tell practiced first with watermelons on a scarecrow. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1619 I'm sure America's Got Talent would be just as impressed if we used an apple, Dad 1.2455 0.04020 110 85 24 1
1620 There's a law of diminishing returns I'm concerned about, Papa 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1621 Let me make you an Manhattan instead. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1622 I’m afraid the pit might chip the arrow. A watermelon would be much better for arrow maintenance. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1623 It's fall. Can't we use a pumpkin? 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1624 Always gotta outdo the other guy, right Pop? 1.2455 0.05354 110 90 13 7
1625 Is that the biggest apple you could find? 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1626 Aim high 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1627 Let’s see, Heidi, if my cataract surgery improved my aim! 1.2455 0.05354 110 90 13 7
1628 Couldn't you use a bigger apple? 1.2455 0.05115 110 90 14 6
1629 We basically want the same thing. 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1630 So it’s a crabAPPLE, little miss nitpicker 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1631 Let's trade places. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1632 You say mare-uh-skee-no; I say mare-uh-shee-no. Let’s call the whole thing off. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1633 Dad, you don't need to practice anymore. They've already named the Overture for you. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1634 You know, dad, in a few hundred years this will be considered child abuse. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1635 I think we passed a pumpkin patch on the way here......Dad? 1.2455 0.04320 110 84 25 1
1636 Wait... what? 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1637 Sundae Bloody Sundae: 1st Attempt. 1.2455 0.04509 110 85 23 2
1638 Perhaps we start off with a watermelon? 1.2455 0.04509 110 85 23 2
1639 Don't make me the apple of your eye. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1640 Okay, but can we get Fro-yo after? 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1641 I thought we were going apple-picking. 1.2455 0.04865 110 86 19 4
1642 Would you like a blindfold? 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1643 I ate the apple on my way over here. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1644 Hold on, that's my hair band. I've got a big apple in my pocket. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1645 Ok, but I draw the line at a raisin. 1.2455 0.04509 110 85 23 2
1646 Let’s try it first with a watermelon and then I’ll shoot a cherry off of your head. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1647 The Origin of a Trope "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree......perhaps we should find it." 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1648 I guess I should have eaten the cherry instead of the apple. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1649 Well, it was this or bake banana bread again. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1650 Wait, did you take your seizure medication? 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1651 Garnish day at the medieval bartending academy 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1652 Gender reveal parties gone wrong, volume 159. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1653 Folklore one-upmanship. 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1654 Best two out of three...? 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1655 The apples looked mealy. 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
1656 Farewell, ma cherie 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1657 Do not f**king miss 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1658 Can we postpone this until pumpkins are in season? 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1659 I think this is the first case of a mixed mythology, it's supposed to be a cherry. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1660 You'll need lower expectations or a higher power. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1661 last time, you wore glasses! 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1662 I was hoping for a smaller arrow. 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1663 I hate it when apple season is over. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1664 If you miss, Rossini will immortalize this as the William Tell choke 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1665 Couldn't you just forbid me to play video games for a month?" 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1666 William Tell: Well son, let’s hope this is my last Mistake. Son:what’s your first? William Tell: I’m looking at him. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1667 I have the best apples; tremendous apples. And if you'll look at my hands, you'll see there is no problem there. 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1668 Or...perhaps a pumpkin. 1.2430 0.04372 107 82 24 1
1669 They had a special on cherries. 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1670 Out of interest, what happened to the apple girl? 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1671 Here let me demonstrate why there had to be a second shooter on the grassy knoll 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1672 Dad, where are your spectacles? 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1673 But apples are in season. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1674 And to think, mom was anxious that we would watch a movie while she was at book club. 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1675 Are you sure we're six feet apart? 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1676 Whoever drew this is trying to make this hard for us, son. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1677 Dad, do you ever get nervous before a big test? 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1678 Dad! You said an Apple! 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1679 Let me make this overture: how ‘bout we start with a watermelon 1.2430 0.05285 107 86 14 6
1680 'Dad, just a thought - could we not have used a melon?' 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1681 Why not wait until pomegranate season ? 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1682 That was always your brother’s problem — he could never hold still! Anyway, I’m all warmed up now. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1683 Dad, can we wait until apple season? 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1684 Would it help if I added a dollop of whipped cream? 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1685 And what say we stop for ice cream on the way home? 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1686 Are you sure you remembered to put your contacts in? 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1687 It's illegal for you to pop my cherry. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1688 Ok 2020, let's get it over with quick 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1689 Got to do it before the Tik Tok ban 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1690 the- much-less-famous Frederick Newton who tragically picked the wrong fruit 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1691 Not to worry. My instructor made this look really easy through Zoom... 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1692 My mother had a stemmed cranial abscess, remove this offensive cartoon immediately! 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1693 I gotta say, when you said you'll pop my cherry, this is not what I expected. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1694 Kill me Papa. Between my haircut your leggings and the Trump administration there is no reason to live. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1695 So it’s gonna explode into blue powder if it’s a boy, pink if it’s a girl right? 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1696 It was at this moment when Joshua wished he didn’t lie on his resume. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1697 Are you fruit shaming me? 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1698 I cannot tell a lie, Daddy. I would really prefer using a watermelon. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1699 OK, can I change my favorite fruit? I prefer a watermelon really, not cherries. 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1700 William, can I tell you to use an apple instead. Thanks! 1.2407 0.04337 108 83 24 1
1701 Please tell me I'm not adopted! 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 21 2
1702 How about if we use a canteloupe? 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1703 I know Dad, but we talked about the Instacart substitution policy 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1704 Don’t shoot! I just received my ballot to vote! 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1705 The grape of wrath! 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1706 Don't shoot -- pretty please with a cherry on top. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1707 Oh, shoot, where's my phone? 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1708 Relax, it’s just virtual reality. 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1709 Instacart had to substitute. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1710 Don’t worry sweetheart, the arrows are blanks! 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1711 I'll miss you 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1712 Wait, you said 20 bucks, right? 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1713 William Tell's cousin Werner the bartender practiced spearing tiny fruit. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1714 Look, it was either this or the raisin. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1715 ...Pitiful 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1716 And all this drama is for whom, exactly? 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1717 Let’s compromise. Something bigger than a cherry, but smaller than a watermelon. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1718 Ho one ever remembers the story of William Tell's first child, Desdemona. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1719 Papa, why not an apple? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1720 I know the "apple" thing is old news but as your last child left, I REALLY think apples are so under-rated. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1721 Pretty cocky with the apple, but the cherry makes things a little more real, eh? 1.2404 0.03346 104 83 20 1
1722 I'm ready to claim my womanhood. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1723 Bad year for apples AND me. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1724 ...Apple season is just three months away, you know !!! 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1725 I thought we were using apples! 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1726 Dad! If we’re going to do this, you NEED to wear your glasses! 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1727 A cherry is more impressive, Dad. 1.2404 0.04926 104 85 14 5
1728 The CDC and I strongly recommend against sneezing 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1729 Wait till I put my mask on! 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1730 Dad, how about a pumpkin? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1731 Go ahead. The odds of you hitting this cherry are about the same as the chances of Mount Vesuvius blowing up. 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
1732 Did you just have a martini? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1733 Mother says we should wait til apple season. 1.2404 0.04732 104 83 16 4
1734 You might consider using a smaller arrow . . . 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1735 Trust me, I saw it on Tik-Tok 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1736 Son, you've grown a lot since the last time we did this. 1.2404 0.03203 104 84 17 2
1737 It's my turn to shoot. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1738 I won't be impressed unless you knot the stem 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
1739 You are William, arn't you? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1740 Don't you think for your first try, we could use a watermelon? 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1741 You train on hitting the cherry, Dad, and the apple will be a cinch! 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1742 Must you cherry-pick everything? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1743 Shouldn't we wait for your glasses to be delivered. 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1744 Uh-how about we use an apple instead of a cherry. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1745 How ‘bout we use an apple instead of a cherry? 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1746 Frankly Dad, I'm more comfortable with a larger target. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1747 Are you sure this can't wait until pumpkin season? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1748 Dad, there's nothing in this for me. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1749 I swear I watched like eight youtube tutorials on this. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1750 Maybe you could redeem some of your frequent archer points on a fruit upgrade? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1751 And we had to go organic! 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1752 Will ya? Tell! 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1753 Shouldn't we wait until apple season? 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1754 I'm sorry I criticized your apple strudel. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1755 OK! OK! I did tell a lie! 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1756 You seem apprehensive..... 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
1757 Ok, so the next part of ye olde license renewal is the eye exam. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1758 You call it reckless. I call it a plausible explanation for failure. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1759 Gonna need a smaller arrow 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1760 I hope you remembered to take your tremor potion this morning. 1.2404 0.04633 104 80 20 2
1761 May I suggest your Nerf arrows for this shot, pops? 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1762 I ate the apple; can you work with a cherry? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1763 Or I could make you a Manhattan . . . . 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1764 How about we split it, and call it even? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1765 I say watermelon, you say cherry. Compromise on an apple? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1766 Kid, there's a time in every boy's life when he realizes his father isn't a superhero... 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1767 This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted to role play. 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
1768 They did not say you had to use a crabapple. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1769 Aim high, dad. Things look smaller from a distance! 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1770 Don't worry my dear,size doesn't matter 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1771 When you said you’d like me to pop your cherry, I had something else in mind. 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
1772 Mother thinks we should wait until apple season. 1.2404 0.04427 104 80 23 1
1773 Why don't you write the overture now and revisit this when we get a bigger apple. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1774 Hmmm... a cherry is kinda small - how about an apple? 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1775 No we can’t use an apple; that’s trademarked. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1776 What did you do with the pineapple? 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1777 Do you have a longer arrow? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1778 If you're mixing up the fruit, why not a pineapple? 1.2404 0.05550 104 86 11 7
1779 I should have eaten the entire sundae. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1780 Remind me, how many tries do I get? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1781 I think if you chopped down a cherry tree instead, you might create more of a name for yourself! 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1782 Corona Diary Day 989: Condom is no longer available. Hence, resorting to other type of birth control 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1783 Do it for the gram, father 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1784 I know, my haircut is distracting 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1785 Sorry, I thought that was a MAGA hat. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1786 You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1787 I didn’t think this is what you meant by ‘use your head’. 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1788 Could we are least try to find an apple tree? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1789 So what happened to mom? 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1790 And if you miss, Netflix will pick up a docu-series based on this moment. I see it as a win-win. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1791 Don’t worry, I learned how to do this over Zoom. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1792 I've heard of downsizing, but this is ridiculous 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
1793 Rules are rules, you were supposed to quarantine 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1794 You know this isn’t going to end well 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1795 Dad, you said we were gonna play 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1796 To bad climate change wiped out the apple crop! 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1797 If you miss, I’ll kill you. 1.2385 0.04303 109 89 16 4
1798 Let's up the stakes. Now if you miss, can I skip homeschooling tomorrow? 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1799 I wouldn't. It's a registered trademark. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1800 Father, when you asked me if I wanted a 'cherry on top' I naturally assumed... 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
1801 Don't count on me for the chia seed round. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1802 So I chopped down the damn tree 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1803 First, let's get our stories straight. 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
1804 I promise I won't panic this time. 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1805 Just so you know, I didn’t mean to make fun of your small hands. 1.2381 0.05332 105 86 13 6
1806 The 'new math' said 300 paces for a watermelon, 120 paces for an apple and 5 paces for a cherry... you're good to go Dad... 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1807 Anything for TikTok. 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
1808 History in the making; the earliest use of the now-famous indemnity clause. 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1809 After a week of homeschooling, Mrs. Tell opted for cherries instead of apples at the grocery store. 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1810 Are you sure the TikTok Challenge didn’t use an apple? 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1811 I prefer it this way, okay? Those apples aren't ethically sourced. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1812 Did you wipe down the arrow? 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1813 Why do I worry this won't be part of your narrative?. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1814 It's supposed to be an apple, not a cherry, Dad 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1815 You got the Lasik, right Dad? 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
1816 One shot should do... 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
1817 Favorite child goes first. Right, dad? 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1818 Papa, are you sure he said maraschino cherry? 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1819 - Worry not Walter for I have the finest eyesight and the best aim in all of Switzerland - I'm Wilma 1.2358 0.03920 106 89 11 5
1820 I'm guessing you drank a Manhattan to steady your nerves. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1821 Where are Adam and Eve when we need them? 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1822 Are watermelons in season? 1.2358 0.04354 106 82 23 1
1823 Let’s try this with a watermelon first. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1824 What comes next will be very telling... 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1825 C’mon, can’t you at least look scared? 1.2358 0.04143 106 81 25 0
1826 All right, all right! Yes--It was me who cut down the cherry tree! 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1827 This will REALLY impress Rossini. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1828 Have you considered maybe an apple? I don't think anyone can see the cherry. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1829 Is it really worth it to keep trying to one-up your older brother William? 1.2358 0.05286 106 87 13 6
1830 Are there any pineapple trees around here? 1.2358 0.04354 106 82 23 1
1831 But...father everyone knows that Walter is your favorite son, at least he got an apple! 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1832 Sorry, Son. You ate all the apples. I had to use a cherry. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1833 I'm making an overture... 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1834 Hope you have the papyrus ready—I want this to go viral. 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1835 Stepmother said it's the perfect size. 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1836 Does this apple look small on me? 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1837 Go ahead, make your day. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1838 Now where did I put my glasses? 1.2358 0.04354 106 82 23 1
1839 Daddy, just because you disagree with your eye doctor’s diagnosis of glaucoma is no reason to use me to disprove it. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1840 Don't worry it's organic. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1841 Let Mommy know she's wrong. You CAN hit the little target! 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1842 Lance always did want to see his father fail. 1.2358 0.04556 106 83 21 2
1843 DAD, how come Helena got an apple and I get a cherry? 1.2358 0.05286 106 87 13 6
1844 I understand You like cherries more than apples but this stunt matters more to Me,, 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1845 How about humming an overture first, Papa? 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1846 I can tell this isn't going to work - I feel it in my core. 1.2358 0.05286 106 87 13 6
1847 Perhaps you need to rewatch that Masterclass episode... 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1848 Dad, if you miss, Mom is going to be really pissed off. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1849 Why couldn't Washington have cut down this tree? 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1850 And if you tie a knot in the stem it means you're an even better marksman. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1851 Wait! For what may be my last meal, I would like a sundae - with the fruit topping of my choice. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1852 Mom says you should start with a watermelon. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1853 Hey Pops, this is the pits. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1854 Another day of homeschooling with my little lad 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1855 You’re sure the arrow is a hoax, right?” 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1856 Practice with a tree stump?” Sometimes, Father, I wonder if your heart is really in this 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1857 Are you sure you don't want to start with an apple? 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1858 Wait, don't we just chop down the cherry tree? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1859 I wish I wasn’t allergic to apples. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1860 Remember that I love you more than Mommy. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1861 Dad, you remember God stopped Abraham at a certain point. Don't you think you should reconsider this shot! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1862 Tell me again how we're related. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1863 Pray Tell, have you ever done this before? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1864 Whatever became of the Big Apple? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1865 You say this is a Bing? I've been practicing with Maraschninos... 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1866 Daddy, an oracle told me that in the future there'll be a thing called child protective services. Just sayin'. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1867 Thought the longer stem might help. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1868 ”Dad, I thought we agreed to call it quits after the kumquat. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1869 I prefer we use a watermelon, but I am willing to compromise. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1870 You know, dad, they're other ways to get back at mom. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1871 I dunno, Dad. Something about this just doesn't feel right. 1.2353 0.05604 102 85 10 7
1872 Or you could just eat it. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1873 Let me spell it out for you. S-H-O-O-T. T-H-E. D-U-K-E. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1874 But Papa, one-upping William Tell with this cherry is the only way we'll go viral throughout the canton! 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1875 Freud would have a lot to say about this, if he were alive yet. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1876 Anybody can hit an apple. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1877 Please tell me you are using performance-enhancing drugs. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1878 Know what Elias, I think it's my turn to be the hunter and your turn to be the gatherer. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1879 No, William, I'm sure the book says, "An Apple"! Actually, it says, "A really big, honey crisp apple"! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1880 Because Mom says we need to spend more father-son time. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1881 Did William tell you this was a good idea? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1882 I changed my mind, I don't want applesauce. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1883 Yes, I agree that these tik tok challenges are getting more and more challenging - yet here we are. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1884 Don't worry... It won't hurt! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1885 Do you really think that another Manhatten is a good idea? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1886 This way I'm covered in a red liquid no matter what. 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1887 What's next Dad? A raisin? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1888 I couldn't find a Mcintosh so I picked a maraschino. 1.2353 0.05604 102 85 10 7
1889 Wait, Papa, I don't have my mask on. 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1890 If you hit three in a row, you get a bucketful of quarters. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1891 At least he won't hit me in the neck. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1892 Don’t worry, Dad, I’ll get so many likes on TikTok 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1893 Crab apples cost less, huh? 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1894 Good luck popping your first cherry 1.2353 0.05604 102 85 10 7
1895 Hey, Dad, how about I just go home now, and you kill Albrecht Gessler, and I'll catch up with you later? How does that sound, Dad? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1896 Couldn't we wait until pumpkins are in season? 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1897 Please tell me you skipped your morning coffee. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1898 Dad? I think I'm big enough for a watermelon. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1899 I can't wait to tell Mother what fun we had today. You're the best Dad ever ! 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1900 Do tell, Wil. A crossbow for a cherry? A freakin CROSSBOW? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1901 Yes, I promised not to complain again about your cherry-picking, but... 1.2353 0.04862 102 86 10 6
1902 But you said that I was the apple of your eye! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1903 Good thing we practiced on that raisin! 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1904 Wait, have you been drinking? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1905 At least 6 feet apart please. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1906 One more miss and I'm eating it. 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1907 2020 might not be the best year to try this. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1908 Hit the apple, not the apple of your eye. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1909 But I heard you say to Mama I was the apple of your eye? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1910 Bet you can't hit that much larger apple on top of that mountain. 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1911 Ok let’s begin practice Donald, repeat after me.. there is no apple ! 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1912 Don't worry, I saw this on the internet. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1913 You're not color blind, right? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1914 You signed the liability waiver, right?” 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1915 Should I do a Swiss roll as soon as you let go of the arrow? 1.2353 0.04658 102 79 20 2
1916 What if our situations were reversed? 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1917 Dad, are you sure this is what the remote PE class instructions said? 1.2353 0.03600 102 81 17 2
1918 Did you eat my sundae? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1919 They say only use seasonal fruits and vegetables 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1920 And after this, you can aim for the chip on my shoulder. 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1921 Just no juice on the bangs this time, ok dad?? 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1922 I thought you said we were going for sundaes? 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1923 Shoot me in the face, I can't live another day with this cherry glued to my head 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1924 Are you sure there's no better way to get likes? 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1925 ‘Wait, shouldn’t we be wearing masks?’ 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1926 Rest assured, I definitely won't be hitting your neck. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1927 I already told you Dad, no one does apples anymore 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1928 I watched a YouTube video. 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
1929 i still think this could have been handled in an email 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1930 I don't know, Son, these TikTok challenges are getting pretty ridiculous. 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1931 I really think you got it mixed up pop. Chekhov's play is called The 'Cherry' Orchard and William Tell shot an 'apple' off his kid's head! 1.2336 0.05407 107 89 11 7
1932 I put a cherry on top, now what? 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
1933 Bet you can’t hit it if I toss it in the air! 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1934 Pop, just double checking, have you done this before? 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
1935 I didn't mean to eat the last apple! 1.2336 0.04710 107 84 19 3
1936 Now, who did you say you're voting for? 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1937 This is how I met your mother. 1.2336 0.04519 107 83 21 2
1938 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.2330 0.05723 103 87 8 8
1939 If I miss, I will call it fake news. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1940 I'm just saying, an apple would make more of a statement. 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1941 I said pumpkin, you said cherry. Can’t we compromise with an apple? 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1942 Wait, they're out of watermelons and apples?!? 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1943 What do you mean, ‘let’s hope it’s not the pits’? 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1944 It’s non-GMO. 1.2330 0.05380 103 85 12 6
1945 I hope that's not loaded 1.2308 0.05333 104 86 12 6
1946 This isn’t going to go the way I thought it would. 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1947 Maybe an apple would be better. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1948 Okay, maybe a pumpkin is too large. Can’t we just compromise? 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1949 What does 'calling your bluff' mean again, Dad? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1950 You're young so you'll be fine. Now close your eyes and think of how it helps the economy... 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1951 And then do I get the ice cream? 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1952 What do you mean, "Can my sister have my toys?" 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1953 I realize the other kids were 'practice,' but Daddy, I'm now your only child, so let's not be so damn cavalier about this. 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1954 so you're telling me you can tie the cherry stem into a knot using only a crossbow? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1955 Now try again without the blindfold. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1956 It's supposed to be an apple...Daaaaad! 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1957 If you miss, then I get to eat the cherry 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1958 Daddy, are you sure your online course was sufficient? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1959 Where are your eyeglasses, papa? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1960 No no. A cheery won’t do. It’s got at least to be an apple or even a water melon. This is my ticket to fame. 1.2300 0.03583 100 82 16 2
1961 It looked a lot bigger in the store. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1962 Hold on. What's my percentage for this Lasik ad ? 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1963 It's loaded with blanks, right? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1964 Crabapples?, I honestly don't know how you sleep at night. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1965 I agree mom never said you shouldn’t do this, but I don’t think we ever really came clean about the apple, did we? 1.2300 0.04894 100 78 17 3
1966 I have a premonition that if you used an apple instead it will make you famous. 1.2300 0.04230 100 77 23 0
1967 I was hoping you’d go with the pineapple, Dad. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1968 Sorry, son, but I couldn't find an apple! 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1969 An apple would have been too been there, done that 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
1970 I hate these bonding moments! 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1971 HEY! You're aiming at my feet! 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1972 Either way, I 'm sure it will go viral on Youtube! 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1973 Hmmmm. Maybe a bigger apple... 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1974 If I promise no more jokes about Will Tell, will you let me go? 1.2300 0.04683 100 78 17 2
1975 What’s amatt 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1976 Do I really get a hot fudge sundae afterwards? 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 18 2
1977 No offense, Mr. Maraschino, but I’d really rather Mr. Tell took the shot. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1978 See Dad...size does matter. 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
1979 Dad, do I really have to be in this legend? 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1980 The fruitier was out of apples, so he gave me a deal on this cherry. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1981 Dad, could you start with a watermelon and see how that goes first? 1.2300 0.05478 100 82 11 6
1982 I’m not nervous because YOU COULDN’T HIT A BARN DOOR with that thing 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1983 Sorry, we only use fruit that’s in season 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
1984 Fear not lad, it's just a cherry. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1985 Pretty please don't miss. 1.2300 0.05835 100 85 7 8
1986 Couldn’t you have waited for apple season? 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1987 Surely temple 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1988 See it this way: If I miss, you don't need to do the homework. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1989 Don’t worry, it just looks smaller 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1990 What are you waiting for, your resume said you are a modern day Robin Hood 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1991 Trust me, I never miss. 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1992 Stand closer if you need to. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1993 Papa, are you sure we can't use the pineapple? 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1994 Why so antsy? We already did the trust fall, and that went great. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1995 Remember Dad, it's America's Got Talent, not America's Got Tragedy. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1996 ...Or, alternatively, we could enter AGT as a singing act. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1997 Dammit, Bill, an apple will never get us enough ‘likes’! 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
1998 For family pride, we Crabtells should use crabapples. 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
1999 Yes. it's only a cherry. Whole Foods was out of apples. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2000 why boys need their mothers 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2001 Dad, wouldn’t an apple be easier to hit? 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2002 I know George sent the cherries, Dad, but I'd rather have an apple. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2003 I told Billy Tell, 'My daddy can do it with a cherry.' 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2004 I'd feel safer if you were wearing a mask. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2005 I believe there's a safer way to split this cherry. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2006 Mom says you're acting out. 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
2007 If you don't miss, I want some ice cream. 1.2300 0.05660 100 84 9 7
2008 Sure you don’t need your glasses? 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2009 Well, here's hoping you hit the crabapple and not the Adam's apple. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2010 OK, OK Dad! I’m sorry about the dress comment! Can we please go back to the apple? 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2011 Um, Dad, I think a pineapple would work better. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2012 you said you've done this before, right? 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2013 Practice makes perfect but isn’t this a bit medieval? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2014 The mountain's easier 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2015 My last wish? I wish I had cut down an apple tree instead. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2016 Or, Dad, we could go home, make a fruit smoothie, and call it a day. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2017 Dad, perhaps a large apple? 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2018 Next time you will remember to bring the watermelon like I told you. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2019 Anyone can do it with apples 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2020 We”re starting small and let’s hope we work our way up 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2021 Yeah, I could miss, but you know what they say sweetie, You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’... now stand still 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2022 It’s all in the spin, not the aim. 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
2023 I'm just saying it would look even funnier on your head. 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
2024 Can you see me now? 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
2025 I really wish you weren’t color blind. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
2026 Okay. But then I get to shoot the feather out of your hat. Or at least try. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
2027 Well, does 11 years manning the archery tent at the Renaissance festival count? 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
2028 well, you may die, but at least I’ll save you from your haircut 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
2029 I decided to downsize after quarantine 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2030 Whatever happens, Daddy, try not to turn this into a metaphor. 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
2031 My name is William, & I'm going to Tell! 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
2032 Father, I think detect the faint aroma of cheap bourbon. Are you sure you want to go through with this? 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
2033 It’s supposed to be an apple Dad! 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
2034 What about 'apple' do you not understand 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
2035 I'm thinking a watermelon would be better. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2036 Apple, schmaple, Anybody can hit an apple! This will go viral! 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2037 You had to brag... what was wrong with an apple? 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2038 No, the pit is not in my stomach. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2039 Let's try it with a pumpkin first. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2040 I believe in you, but might I suggest a watermelon. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2041 Let me guess. “I have no apples,” said Stepmother. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
2042 Wait. I have an idea. Maybe I could just bite it and spit out the pit. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2043 Are you saying it just looks smaller because our heads are so big? 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2044 What are you waiting for, hotshot? 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
2045 I said you were a better shot than his dad. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2046 This is my first time without glasses. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2047 Not that I don't, like, trust you dad, but maybe an apple instead of a cherry? 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
2048 Apples are for light weights. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2049 Yes, that weird mountain is distracting. 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
2050 Maybe this isn’t what your mother meant when she said I should aim to bond more with you. 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
2051 Is your head really that fat or that just a small apple? 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2052 Does this make me look tart? 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2053 How about best 2 out of 3? 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2054 If There Is A Next Time, You’ll Think Twice About Cherry Picking... 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
2055 Are you sure we have the same understanding about the "cherry on top" phrase ? 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
2056 What happened to my watermelon idea? 1.2273 0.03868 88 70 16 1
2057 I think you misunderstood during the coin toss when they said you could cherry-pick your target. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2058 Okay, peasant n.456. Are you ready? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2059 This is counter-intuitive - you missed all the apples 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2060 But wasn’t this why you bought those spectacles in the first place? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2061 I'm getting nervous about the games we play. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2062 Wait Dad wait! When I said that I thought Mr. Tell was awesome, I didn’t mean that he was more awesome than you. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2063 Dad, seriously, it's no big deal if you hit me. It might even be a good thing, if I manage to get a new nickname out of my disfigurement. Right now the kids at school all call me "Little Homie Strudel Ass" 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2064 I miss working from home. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2065 Dad, no one will want to hear the story of how William Tell scared the heck out of his son for chopping down the cherry tree.” 1.2268 0.05182 97 78 14 4
2066 I think it is pretty clear that you play favorites. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2067 Not that I don't trust you, but could we first try this with a watermelon? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2068 If only I could share your optimism. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2069 Are you sure it's supposed to be a cherry? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2070 You always did like Walter best. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2071 Dad, the apple was already iffy. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2072 Aren't you a little overconfident? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2073 ‘Extreme’ archery again dad? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2074 I'd feel a lot better if you put a watermelon on my head. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2075 Not to worry; I'm a specialist in the STEM field. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2076 Are you sure this is the easiest way to get the pit out? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2077 So you’re feeling pretty good about the Lasik surgery? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2078 Dad, let's face it. I'm really not into this William Tell challenge. Why don't we just tell everyone you shot the cherry and move on with life? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2079 Dad, you're not supposed to use a crab apple! 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2080 Ya know I can balance a melon 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2081 Practice much? 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2082 This will be one for the books. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2083 Could we wait till next year to do this? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2084 Isn't it supposed to be an apple? 1.2268 0.04750 97 76 17 2
2085 Don't do it, papa. Pretty please! 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2086 Donald -Don’t -Tell 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2087 My Dad has an apple... and he’s a lawyer. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2088 I think it's supposed to be an apple. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2089 While I have no doubt that your skill with a crossbow is unsurpassed , I would feel more comfortable with a pumpkin, if you don’t mind. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2090 If you miss I'm Swiss cheese. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2091 Have you ever thought about 'life defining' moments? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2092 Dad, couldn't we make it a pumpkin? Or at least a really big apple? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2093 cherry on my wayward son 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2094 So, you’ve never done this before? 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2095 Dad I know you're really happy with your new contact lenses, but is this really necessary? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2096 I'm not worried. This helmet of hair is actually a helmet 1.2268 0.04274 97 75 22 0
2097 This isn't what I had in mind when you said you wanted to spend quality time with me. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2098 Why does everyone always pick 'dare'? 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2099 Can I make just one small suggestion that would enhance your skill as an archer forever? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2100 Do you have anything bigger like a pumpkin or watermelon? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2101 Maybe I should put a watermelon on my head instead. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2102 No pie for you.” 1.2268 0.04862 97 79 13 4
2103 Wouldn't you rather be known for something other than for popping my cherry? 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2104 Where's my sister? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2105 Yes, papa. This is the best way to test your new contact lenses. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2106 I said an apple, not a crabapple. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2107 I'ts my turn this week, dad. I choose a watermelon since you killed George last week. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2108 I'm calling Nate Silver. I want to know exactly what the margin of error is here. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2109 - It’s this or circumcision! 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2110 Dad, we’re giants. Maybe we should use one of our own apples. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2111 First, we should shorten the overture. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2112 I don't care how good your Lasik surgery was - you're not shooting that thing at me. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2113 How about a pumpkin instead? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2114 Either way, it’ll be internet gold. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2115 But an apple a day keeps the doctor away, dad. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2116 the archer and the cherry girl. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2117 Dad, you got this wrong. It’s supposed to be an apple not a cherry. 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2118 Just remember,Dad,for this occasion I am not the apple of your eye. 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2119 Couldn't we use a Fuji for this? 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2120 Maybe a pomegranate would increase our chances. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2121 Before you shoot would you sing a verse of Nessum Dorma? 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2122 Did you have to pick an organic one? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2123 Sr. Botero, por favor aim wide! 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2124 Umm, Dad, how about a watermelon? Or even a cantaloupe? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2125 What do you mean you are color blind? 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2126 You should've spent an extra pfennig for the apple, dad. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2127 I simply wanted you to stand still. You were supposed to interpret the term "pretty please with a cherry on top" poetically. 1.2268 0.04274 97 80 14 3
2128 Chill out William. I won’t tell. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2129 Until now I’ve practiced with watermelons. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2130 Who is Freud? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2131 Back up Dad, we're social distancing. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2132 I’ve always considered the bow and arrow much more fair than the fully automatic A R 15 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2133 Ok, stay perfectly still. I’ve done this like one other time. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2134 Richard Tell was always trying to one up his brother. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2135 Dad, do we really have to use a cherry? The legend calls for an oversized Cortland apple. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2136 This outta learn ye to not eat the last apple. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2137 William, just say you did it and I promise I won 't tell 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2138 You said to wear a disguise. I'm a cupcake. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2139 Couldn't you have taken a pumpkin from the rich.... 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2140 Six feet! That’s what Fauci said! 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2141 Eyes up here, mister! 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2142 Isn't there some other way, Dad, to get into Stanford? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2143 Quickly, before I fart. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2144 Don't! If you miss, you'll hit the tree! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2145 Look I'll spring for the apple. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2146 What do you say we go with a bigger target, say, an apple? 1.2268 0.05771 97 82 8 7
2147 Son, I don't think this is what you meant by "popping your cherry". 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2148 And I wanted a pumpkin. Can we compromise on an apple? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2149 Sundae : "What are you waiting for? I don't like Mondays" 1.2268 0.05771 97 82 8 7
2150 You’re too close ! 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2151 If I miss, we're both screwed. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2152 That’s an awfully big arrow for such a small apple... 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2153 You don't like me do you 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2154 I'm telling Mom!" "She gave me the crossbow, the cherry was my idea. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2155 Please Sir..could we swap the cherry for an apple? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2156 Did I get a smaller apple because I'm a girl? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2157 Okay, but I hear my brother got a watermelon. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2158 I believe you are mixing up William Tell's story with George Washington's. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2159 It's a crabapple. It symbolizes the our shrinking opportunities for success. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2160 First tell me again how you think risk-reward works. 1.2268 0.04015 97 79 16 2
2161 Mama won't be happy, she always says not to bolt your food! 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2162 I am beginning to regret eating that last apple. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2163 Dad, as you always tell me, "just give it your best shot" 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2164 Just so you know, Grandma really likes apple pie better than cherry tarts! 1.2268 0.04274 97 77 13 3
2165 Sheesh! Man up, would ya? If you get any closer you can flick the thing off with your finger! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2166 Let’s fertilize more next year, Dad. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2167 Did you pass your eye test. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2168 It’s called distance learning. 1.2268 0.04274 97 75 22 0
2169 Got any pumpkins? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2170 Right color, wrong fruit. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2171 Don’t you think you a cherry on top is just for milkshakes? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2172 Pop, I feel bad about my white privilege. Shouldn't we let a person of color take my place?" 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2173 Remember, safe archers save forty percent. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2174 What happened to the watermelon? 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2175 I knew it was a mistake to say I'd take an arrow for him. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2176 I should have picked an apple 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 17 2
2177 Yes! Yes! I've learned my lesson. Next time I'll eat all the cherries before the apples. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2178 Yeah...now you just want to kill me. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2179 Are you sure the pit won't be a problem? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2180 On second thought, I’d rather have watermelon. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2181 Because if we win the tournament we can afford necks. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2182 Come on loser, can't hit anything smaller than an apple? 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2183 Hit or miss you are bound to make the news. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2184 Recent polling suggests that if you were to shoot the arrow today, you'd hit the cherry 76% of the time! 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2185 This ain’t my first rodeo” 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2186 I need one more Manhattan. 1.2268 0.04862 97 79 13 4
2187 Yes, this is very 2020 situation, Dad. Whatever happens next, just don’t forget to vote on November 3rd. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2188 Wait! What is that strange path, that’s over my right shoulder, called again? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2189 The line was too long at the Apple store, my boy. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2190 Just a little off the top, right? 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2191 Is this why mommy is dead? 1.2268 0.04636 97 78 15 3
2192 I guess it’s better than a durian. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2193 We got rid of all the bad apples. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2194 'Is that thing on your head a cherry or are you farther and much bigger than I thought?' 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2195 I’m all for using fruit that’s in season but are you sure about this? 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
2196 This still doesn't explain 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away.' 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2197 You promise it’s my turn next, right? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2198 Now let’s see what that MasterClass taught you! 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2199 I hate BW pictures with one red point of interest. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2200 Think anyone will notice we aren’t wearing masks? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2201 Cam Newton would run it in. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2202 Either way, this is going viral on YouTube or the six o’clock news. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2203 Leon had a feeling his son had gravely misunderstood the latest trend, “I scream, with a cherry on top” 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
2204 Come on, this is how we get more TikTok followers! 1.2268 0.04398 97 78 17 2
2205 My apple schtick got old. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2206 Are you sure you attended ALL of your online clases? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2207 Heeey, batter batter batter.... 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
2208 I double dare ya' 1.2255 0.04386 102 80 21 1
2209 Wait, do you have references? 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
2210 No one told me it was a crab apple. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2211 Hey! Eyes up here mister! 1.2255 0.05006 102 82 15 4
2212 You had to double-down and piss off the bailiff again, didn’t you Dad! 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
2213 The cherry doesn't fall too far from the tree 1.2255 0.05380 102 85 11 6
2214 Getting this right would be fruitful, but also the pits. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
2215 Liesel! What are you thinking?! Come in and get your mask on! You’re gonna kill your grandad! 1.2255 0.05380 102 85 11 6
2216 I don't need you to mansplain apple shots to me right now, Kevin. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2217 Why do I want to say Hi Ho Silver! 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2218 You know what, I think I’ll just go and get this lump checked by a dermatologist instead. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2219 You can stand closer if you want. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2220 You're sure this will get me more YouTube subscribers? 1.2245 0.04236 98 81 11 3
2221 It could be worse, I could advise you drink bleach.” 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2222 This is dangerous! We should be wearing masks. 1.2245 0.05897 98 84 6 8
2223 With such a large target, Little Trump, how could I possibly miss from here? 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2224 Can I step a little closer? 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2225 Apples are out of season, so I just grabbed what was available. Why? 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2226 So, it's true. I'm adopted. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2227 There’s no law that says you can’t use a bigger fruit. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2228 I'd like to make a peace overture 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2229 I said “grab” an apple, son. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2230 Pray, Tell, where would you have gotten a maraschino cherry? 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2231 When was your last eye exam? 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2232 Fearing the worst, William turned to the townspeople & politely asked that all cell phones be turned-off. #droppedbyapple 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2233 Would you like to try with a watermellon first? 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2234 Yeah, I shit myself. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2235 I guess it's better than yodel lessons. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2236 I say you're just cherry picking me 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2237 Next time let's find an apple orchard 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2238 bring me the kid with the smaller head. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2239 I don't like apples --- they're too messy. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2240 Maybe we should start with a watermelon. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2241 How about sticks or tiny stones, or names? 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2242 Should I have worn a hat? 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2243 Walter, this looks like a VERY SHORT overture. 1.2245 0.04478 98 77 20 1
2244 Wait, I'm gonna sneeze. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2245 Mom was right to leave you for the apple farmer. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2246 Are you sure Dad, we can not wait 'til it's apple season? 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2247 It's OK to practice, I brought a couple extras. 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2248 Maybe we could go over this one more time. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2249 It's nothing personal. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2250 Daaad! Does it have to be a crabapple? 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2251 Dad, if you really want the Apple, just ask. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2252 Robin Hood hit a pea. 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2253 If we wait a couple of months it will be apple season. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2254 It’s called abuse. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2255 I don’t this is what you meant by “popping your cherry”. 1.2245 0.05716 98 83 8 7
2256 The other ice creams told me it was risky to wish to be a real boy. 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2257 I already ate the last apple, but don't worry. They're plenty more cherries. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2258 I swear,I can balance a watermellon on my head! 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2259 Dad, please stop reading William Burroughs! 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2260 Don't worry Pop, we both know you couldn't even hit the tree 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2261 Don't worry, Dad. We'll get to huckleberries soon enough... 1.2245 0.04236 98 76 22 0
2262 The little known story of William Tell's daughter, Cherry, did not end as well! 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2263 You really took this cherry on top concept to heart, huh? 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2264 This isn’t funny. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2265 You’d better not miss or the Lone Ranger will never hear of you. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2266 Dad, how about a watermelon instead? 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2267 Should I not have eaten the apple? 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2268 Oh...”ah-sigh-EE”...got it. 1.2245 0.04478 98 82 12 4
2269 Don’t worry. I saw this on tv once. It seems pretty straight forward. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2270 A little higher please father. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2271 You’ve been charged with fact-checking the president 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2272 Wait, Maestro Pavarotti, I changed my mind! Your version of Nessun dorma is way better than Placido Domingo's. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2273 Alas, something is amiss. I pray we check the instructions together father. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2274 ‘Cause I’m allergic to apples! 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2275 The apple only got 28 likes and 3 comments, so... 1.2234 0.05691 94 79 9 6
2276 What happened next would put William off ice-cream sundaes for the rest of his life... 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2277 Little Known Fact: None of Robin Hood's children survived to adulthood. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2278 This is the downside of downsizing 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
2279 Wouldn’t watchmaking be a better way to make a name for yourself? 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2280 Why do you call me sundae? 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2281 A crossbow... really? 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2282 Remind me again of the difference between your median and mean rate of success. 1.2222 0.04774 99 82 13 4
2283 No, I don't recall you specifying which red fruit to use. Why? 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2284 Perhaps we could postpone until apple picking season? 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2285 Go ahead, what have I got to lose? It's 2020 afterall. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2286 I’m pretty sure this will work out better than the haircut your mother gave you. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2287 Miss and I’m just another bloody sundae. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2288 OK! Who is the spoil sport who called Child Protective Services? 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2289 Shouldn't this be an apple? 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2290 At least can’t you use an Apple?! 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2291 My mask is in my pocket - don’t shoot! 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2292 Haha yeah it’s very ironic that we’re doing this with the economy and everything 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2293 I know we're outdoors, but I'd still feel better if you were a little farther away. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2294 Is that a feather in your cap. I really want to know. Did you win that in, like, an archery contest? Are you good at this? Seriously. Is that a feather? 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2295 It will be an outer body experience, like Tik Tok 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2296 But what's a Tik Tok? 1.2211 0.03059 95 80 12 2
2297 One less mouth to feed was just the cherry on top. 1.2211 0.03720 95 77 17 1
2298 It’s 2020. Six inches lower ought to be about right. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2299 Don't aim for the pit in my stomach. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2300 You'll shoot my eye out, Ralphie. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2301 I wonder if William Tell used GMO apples... 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2302 A-P-P-L-E. Apple, I agreed to an APPLE! 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2303 Can you wait until I go to the bathroom? 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2304 Wait. I should wear my mask 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2305 I probably didn’t need to use ALL the apples for last night’s strudel. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2306 I won’t tell if you don’t shoot 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2307 This is the last time I let you order Manhattans at Renn Faire 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2308 I've got a pineapple in the car. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2309 On the bright side, if you fail I’ll never know. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2310 It was a quarantine cut. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2311 Obama did it! 1.2211 0.05831 95 81 7 7
2312 The apple was still quite dramatic. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2313 Split it in half and we'll share it. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2314 Don't worry - I'm a professional! 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2315 But they didn’t have organic apples 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
2316 An apple? He demands an apple. Apples are for amateurs, m'boy. I also grew hungry waiting for your hair to be cut. Now just hold still. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2317 Dad, before we start, shouldn't you atleast ask me 'How do you like them apples?' 1.2211 0.04534 95 75 19 1
2318 Don’t worry, I wiped it 1.2211 0.04534 95 75 19 1
2319 Can't wait to see how many likes we get with this one! 1.2200 0.04837 100 81 16 3
2320 How do you like THEM apples? 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
2321 William Tell's version when trying to impress the ladies. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2322 Don't worry, I can actually see better with side-eye. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2323 Perhaps I'm not the apple of my father's eye. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2324 Don't worry, the arrow is very small 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2325 Ok, if not a watermelon, how about an apple instead of the cherry? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2326 Well Dad, look at it this way, Rossini won’t be able to write the Lone Ranger song if you miss. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2327 A cherry instead of an apple? That's what I call Chutzpah. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2328 Bad luck...Friar Tuck beat you to it!! 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2329 In my mind, this all looked different. 1.2188 0.05581 96 81 9 6
2330 Mama made strudel with it, Poppa. and said you should lay off the kirsch. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2331 Would you consider switching to a watermelon? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2332 Don’t you want to first try with a watermelon, or pumpkin? 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2333 Dad. Crabapple season is not the time for this” 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2334 My therapist said I have to deal with my trust issues. Can we talk? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2335 Actually, I was thinking more apple than cherry. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2336 You hit the mountain. I’ll eat the apple and watch 1.2188 0.04492 96 76 19 1
2337 What? I had a coupon. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2338 Probably shouldn't have had that double espresso. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2339 Either way you’ll end up in the slammer. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2340 Don't worry, this is my first time too 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2341 Did you put your contacts in? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2342 I read that it’s even more effective than hydroxychloroquine. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2343 Did you say you're color blind? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2344 You're sure you don't want to eat it? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2345 William suddenly wished Junior had a little less confidence in his abilities... 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2346 On second thought, I would rather have apple pie. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2347 Mmmm are you sure there are no apples ? 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2348 Be honest, Dad: are you still mad at me or just out of apples? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2349 If not for physical distancing ,I’d remove that from your hands. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2350 Apples are too easy. Now stand still. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2351 The real cherry on top will be living to tell this tale. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2352 Trust me dad, Billy Tell Jr. and his dad did it and they blew up on TikTok. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2353 This might be above your pay grade, Dad. 1.2188 0.05581 96 81 9 6
2354 Iss you sure you vould not like to try zee vatermellon first, poppa? 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2355 Well, you did say "pretty please with a cherry on top"... 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2356 Next time maybe you'll remember to not cut down that cherry tree. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2357 Never liked Swiss Miss 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2358 Could you at least reassure me you didn't drink the Tom Collins? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2359 What do you mean 'apples aren't in season'?!! 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2360 You're better than William Tell, dad. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2361 I’m your son, not your sundae. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2362 If we practice with red cabbage we'll get a dinner salad as well. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2363 Papa, is this the only colour in your life? 1.2188 0.04845 96 80 12 4
2364 Say, dad. I have an idea..." 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2365 Dad, shouldn't you use an apple? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2366 But Daddy, we practiced with an apple. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2367 Did you keep that optometrist appointment I made for you? 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2368 I thought you meant I could have it on the ice cream. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2369 Have I told you lately how much I love you. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2370 Can’t we just cut it with a knife? 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2371 Pops, humor me, ok. The guy who sold you this “mini-apple,“ was he the same guy who sold you the Naming Rights to the bridge in Brooklyn? 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2372 Maybe we don’t have the right climate for this sport” 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2373 Hey Dad - how about trying this with a watermelon? 1.2188 0.04492 96 76 19 1
2374 Wait a second, Dad, I've got a question. WTF??? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2375 I still think a simple outpatient procedure would suffice. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2376 May I recommend a larger species of fruit? 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2377 Enough of your perfectionist streak! 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2378 I think I'd feel safer if it were a watermelon. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2379 And God spoke to Abraham and told him to sacrifice his only son... 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2380 Dad, can’t we do a different Tiktok challange? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2381 Dad, can we PLEASE do this TikTok challenge another year? 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2382 Just a little to the left 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2383 Do you think this drawing will go viral? 1.2188 0.05173 96 78 13 4
2384 It will work just like the way we reopened schools. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2385 This isn’t how we play darts at home. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2386 This is just the beginning of men who will put you in harm’s way ... 1.2188 0.04492 96 76 19 1
2387 And all this time I thought it was me that you were calling your “petite cherie.” 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2388 We never practiced with crab apples before. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2389 Father, I cannot tell a lie. I Think this is a harsh punishment for chopping down the cherry tree. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2390 I wish we were doing this in apple season. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2391 I still don't quite understand the part about the masked man and his companion. 1.2184 0.05763 87 73 9 5
2392 Am I allowed to jump up? 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2393 Did you see that hesitation in my eyes? Because I love you. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2394 Are you sure you wouldn't rather play Robin Hood? 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2395 Dad, lets just start with apples and then move down to cherries. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2396 Sorry Hermione, Voldemort said it was this or hike the mountain. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2397 Don’t worry, I have a 2020 vision. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2398 Not to get too personal, but why do they call you "Two-out-of-three Billy"? 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2399 Let’s go back to the cantaloupe 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2400 Any chance of using a grapefruit? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2401 Or shall we use a raisin? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2402 Don't you think you'd better start with something a little larger, like maybe a watermelon? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2403 Hurry up, I still need to get my lottery ticket. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2404 William Tell-me-a-story first? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2405 What do you mean we have to light it first? 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2406 Are you sure you wouldn’t rather use an apple? 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2407 Mom said if I get a haircut you can use the apple. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2408 Can we discuss this with your ophthalmologist and my psychiatrist first? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2409 There are easier ways to make fruit skewers 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2410 Why can’t I take online classes like the other kids? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2411 This really puts the dark in Dark Ages, father. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2412 Could we start with a pumpkin? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2413 If your mother asks, it was a grapefruit. 1.2174 0.04720 92 76 13 3
2414 Before we start, how 'bout I go pick a nice hubbard squash 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2415 I'm pretty sure he said to shoot an apple off my head. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2416 Uh, Dad, could I show you how I learned to balance a watermelon on my head? 1.2174 0.04592 92 72 18 1
2417 Because you ate the apple, lass. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2418 Dad, can this wait till I lose some weight? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2419 The wait line for the apple was too long. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2420 What do I get out of this? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2421 Father, nobody's going to compose an overture for shooting an apple off my head. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2422 It will be a long tearful ride back to the hood. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2423 Are you sure there were no apples left? 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2424 Not a single piece of this situation feels appropriate. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2425 It's a Crabapple. So what? 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2426 I said aim bigh, not aim while your high 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2427 Next time I say 'Pretty please,' I'll stop right there. 1.2174 0.03215 92 76 15 1
2428 Two steps closer, please. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2429 If this doesn’t work we’ll try an apple, ok? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2430 Is this your idea of a killer encore? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2431 Maybe we should start with an apple. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2432 Sorry I ate the apple. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2433 This should make a great Overture 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2434 It only looks smaller because you're farther away 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2435 What, no whipped cream? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2436 This was a lot easier in watermelon season 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2437 Best of three? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2438 Phillip knew Lazarus was exaggerating his marksman skills, but hadn’t quite thought through calling his bluff. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2439 I’d probably feel better about this if you put on some big boy pants. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2440 Twenty dollars says you'll miss, you big loser. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2441 You coulda used an apple like the last people but, nooooo. I'm gonna tell Mom you have gambling problem. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2442 Dad, I'm really sorry I ate your apple. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2443 Props department!?? 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2444 Oh, sure, my brother got to use an apple. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2445 Come on, just because you missed the apple, doesn't mean you'll miss the cherry! Pretty please with a cherry on top? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2446 Can we use a watermelon instead? 1.2174 0.04324 92 72 20 0
2447 Could we postpone this, perhaps, until apple season? 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2448 Maybe we can get a group rate with a therapist. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2449 Father, if you're going to miss, please miss high. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2450 Oh dear, did a fruit land on my head again? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2451 Sunday afternoons with the family 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2452 It’s like I always say: when life gives you cherries, use your son for target practice. 1.2174 0.04183 92 74 17 1
2453 Forget Apple, I only use micro soft targets 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2454 It’s a pandemic, Gilda; I’m running out of ideas 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2455 I Schindler’s List-ed the cherry so it’s visually and emotionally significant. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2456 It’s an antioxidant. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2457 Papa? Papa, can you hear me? 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2458 Are you sure this is an open cherry state? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2459 Are you sure you got this or should I change my last name to “Told”? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2460 ...erm, I think you should aim a bit higher. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2461 The outfits might have been overkill 1.2174 0.04324 92 72 20 0
2462 This is just the cherry on top on an endless quarantine 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2463 Yeah well I don't want to do this either ...but that haircut... 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2464 Ive got next 1.2174 0.04324 92 72 20 0
2465 ...are you sure this would get us more followers on TikTok? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2466 No jokes about popping my cherry. 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
2467 There must be a better way to get your name on a song. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2468 Did you sign the disclaimer? 1.2165 0.05528 97 82 9 6
2469 My turn. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2470 Please silence your phone. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2471 I know you're a straight shooter Mr. Tell, but nonetheless let's stick with an apple. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2472 Couldn't you find a bigger apple ? 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2473 Daddy Please, I am not full of hot air! 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2474 We should use an in-season and locally produced fruit, like a gala apple! 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2475 Can you make your arrow shot Virtually On-Line like we do everything else during this pandemic phase? 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2476 I liked it better when we used the watermelon. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2477 Um, Dad, are you sure you don’t want to wait until the apple harvest? 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2478 Don’t be nervous. I’m new to this too. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2479 If you play your cards right, people will always think of you whenever they see a masked man gallop away on a white steed. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2480 At this point, not dying would be the cherry on top. 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2481 I get that cherries are in season, but why don't we try to find an apple? 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2482 Could you replace that arrow with a rubber dart? 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2483 I don’t think it’s supposed to be a crab apple 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2484 How many cups of coffee this morning? 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2485 I think you misunderstand the idiom, "Cherry on top." 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2486 I know the watermelon was too easy but how about something in between? 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2487 Are your contacts in? 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2488 I told the teacher I'd come up with something good for show and Tell. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2489 The wildfires stunted the crop this year. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2490 In an unfortunate incident of dementia, an aging William Tell confuses McIntosh with maraschino. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2491 I think we should stick with the apple. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2492 Ok let’s start with a cherry and work our way up! 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2493 This ain’t gonna hurt one little bit 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2494 Hey Dad - how about a watermelon instead? 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2495 This will hurt me more than it hurts you. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2496 I think we can go smaller. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2497 This isn't what I had in mind when I said I knew a trick that involved cherries... 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
2498 Wait, Papa! Use a Fuji apple! 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2499 We should be wearing masks. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2500 Margaret Atwood, Gloria Steinem, RBG, Maira Kalman, Tarana Burke. I can keep going. 1.2165 0.04203 97 81 13 3
2501 May we forever be remembered by the size of our ambitions." 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2502 Günter says HIS dad uses a blindfold! 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2503 But really, doesn’t size matter? 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2504 No wonder I wear the pants in this relationship 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
2505 I thought a 'cherry shot' was something you got at the pub. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2506 Maybe we should do this at the Big Apple instead of here. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2507 Did you ever try those contact lenses I told you about? 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2508 At least put your glasses on. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2509 You shall not pass!. 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
2510 It’ll be the cherry on top they said. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2511 oh, got it, be right back 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2512 I'm beginning to regret our choice of fruit trees for the orchard. 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2513 This isn’t what I meant when I said I wanted to be George Washington for Halloween. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2514 And your point is? 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2515 First, Dad, can I tell you a story? 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2516 I see you still have something to prove. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2517 My last request? I’d like to hear the Lone Ranger song. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2518 I'm sorry I said you suck dad. That was uncalled for. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2519 You're sure you can see it? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2520 It's easy. Just aim for anything that isn't one of 50 shades of gray. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2521 I’d at least like to be facing Tit Mountain. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2522 Can we not try a peeled apple next, Dad? 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2523 I'm not doubting your skill. On second thought, put down the crossbow and step away." 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2524 Come closer, papa. Come a lot closer. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2525 Let’s call it a timeout. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2526 Couldn’t you find another Apple? 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2527 I said I wanted you to TAKE...oh, never mind. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2528 Can I go to the bathroom first? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2529 You always said you wanted to pop my cherry. 1.2151 0.05151 93 79 9 5
2530 Could you just hum The Overture one more time? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2531 But then he said, "I bet your father can't hit a pistachio," and I said... 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2532 You said we were going skiing." 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2533 Well isn't this just the cherry-on-top of your parenting. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2534 Maybe we should wait for the granny smiths. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2535 You sure you don't want to get that eye test first? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2536 It's a crab apple, not a cherry. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2537 Ok, Cupid. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2538 I said "let's swap out the apple with a watermelon",not a cherry. 1.2151 0.04919 93 78 11 4
2539 Just think of it as "downsized" 1.2151 0.03367 93 75 18 0
2540 What did you say that optician’s name was? 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2541 I think it's supposed to be an apple not a cherry, Dad. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2542 But wouldn't an apple have more . . . je ne sais quoi? 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2543 Can we do this when apples are in season again? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2544 I'm more concerned with your credit than your aim. How do I know that, if you hit the cherry, you'll pay me the $2. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2545 I Will Tell Your Mother 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2546 Isn’t it supposed to be an apple, not a cherry? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2547 Really wish I hadn't eaten the whip cream. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2548 No! One man's cherry is NOT another man's apple. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2549 How about a watermelon, Pop 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2550 Sure, this is how you remember it. But when it really happened, the fruit was a watermelon and you were two feet away. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2551 But you said if I made Honor Roll... 1.2151 0.04548 93 74 18 1
2552 do you have your Contacts in ? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2553 Don't worry, the arrow is organic. 1.2151 0.04548 93 74 18 1
2554 I'm not sure I want to be Tik Tok famous anymore. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2555 It couldn’t be any worse than my haircut 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2556 The third Tom’s the charm! 1.2151 0.04548 93 74 18 1
2557 What if I accidentally hit the cherry? I have another kid but that’s my last cherry...... 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2558 Perhaps we should've left this to the experts 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2559 Are you sure we shouldn’t start with a pineapple? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2560 Are you sure we have the same understanding of the « cherry on top » phrase? 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2561 Daddy, I would prefer an apple please. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2562 Dad, it's for TikTok. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2563 I ate the last one. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2564 Put your damn glasses on! 1.2143 0.04756 98 82 12 4
2565 Wait. I thought this was a photo shoot. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2566 I know. The cherry is a bit unorthodox. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2567 just, do it! 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
2568 Maybe we should wait until watermelon season. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2569 Did young Walter really call Child Protective Services, or was he bluffing? 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2570 Will, do you think we could use an apple, instead of a cherry? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2571 Don't you think you're taking this quarantine hobby a little far? 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2572 Hurry! I'm worried about the Red Dye No. 2. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2573 People have taken 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away' too damn seriously these days. Cherries all we got. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2574 Big deal -- I can tie it. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2575 I don't want to be the only girl in school who's cherry has not been popped! 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2576 'You must be William's Brother, Maraschino.' 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2577 Next time don't cut down the apple tree. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2578 Don't tell your mother. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2579 Don't worry, its just FAKE NEWS, it really is an apple! 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2580 Why does Papa have three more arrows at the ready? 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2581 Go ahead, Daddy! Pop my cherry! 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2582 Here's an idea, how about we go to a shooting range and use a paper target. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2583 No one will remember the apple shot if this goes well. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2584 Honest Dad, it's the new ice bucket challenge. 1.2128 0.04631 94 78 13 3
2585 Let’s start with a pumpkin. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2586 It's a crabapple. 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2587 Inflation’s a bitch 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2588 I hope you’re not throwin' away your shot. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2589 Busting your cherry does seem a bit suggestive when you say it. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2590 Just a little off the top. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2591 I know, I know...when you are a star, they let you do anything. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2592 Do it! Or the Coldfeets will be forgotten to history. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2593 I missed the pumpkin on your brother’s head but I’m sure I can hit the cherry on yours. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2594 I'm the last one you know! 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2595 Didn’t you see the watermelon on the bottom shelf? 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2596 Let’s not be too hasty, papa- I swear I saw a watermelon tree around here somewhere” 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2597 Did you forget your glasses ? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2598 And from now on, I'll watch your sheep for free. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2599 Mr.Tell, why don't you use a grapefruit instead? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2600 WAIT! My name is Johnny Appleseed. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2601 William Tell began to wonder if he really was just like his father 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2602 Have I ever told you how much you remind me of your mother? 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2603 And your point is what, dad? 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2604 Pretty please, Dad? 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2605 Let's do this up big for Rossini.” 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 10 4
2606 My real father would get it, you fat bastard. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2607 There are other ways to make cherry tarts. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2608 Hey Pop! Are you trying to "cherry-pick" your shot? 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2609 Let's go dad. That cherry pie isn't going to make itself. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2610 Lets pretend i didn’t forget my glasses at home 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2611 You realize there are so many things wrong with this scenario right now right? 1.2128 0.05634 94 80 8 6
2612 FINE YOU ARE THE GREATEST ARCHER THAT EVER LIVED! Ahhh and A STABLE GENUIS Eric Trump (formally FRUMP) 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2613 William, give me a few more days to finish the overture. You'll love it. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2614 You don't want to be known as the one who pierced the cherry; get an apple 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2615 Our agent made the switch. She figures we now have a shot at America’s Got Talent. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2616 Dad, how about we go with, " Don't shoot, don't Tell . " 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2617 Don’t you usually use a longbow? 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2618 Fine, but if it's a raisin next, I'm out. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2619 I agreed to do this, but man, you've gotta raise that arrow 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2620 So tell me again how you work this thing 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2621 Perhaps we should wait until later in the season. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2622 Big deal. Where's your blindfold? 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2623 If I pull this off they'll name an overture after me. 1.2128 0.04244 94 74 20 0
2624 Dad, couldn’t I just start me in time out like all the other kids in my class? 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2625 I know you're good, but there must be easier ways to de-stone a cherry. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2626 Don't worry, if you miss we'll blame Trump. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2627 And on Wednesdays, we wear pink 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2628 It's not a cherry It's a crab apple. 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2629 Well Dad, I hope the apple pie last night was worth it! 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2630 Can I have a last cigarette? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2631 Not everything is black and white. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2632 After this, I will shoot a currant off your head 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2633 You did say ‘please, please’ 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2634 There are other ways to get the pit out. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2635 Is this for TikTok? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2636 I asked! Apples are out of season 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2637 Well, if you're not sure, can I try? 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2638 I'm pretty sure the job description said apple. 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2639 You know the rules - at least 6 feet away, and absolutely no coughing or sneezing. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2640 Shouldn’t we start with an apple? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2641 Pleeease dad, can I just have a small bite first 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2642 There has to be an easier way to make an old fashioned. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2643 Please, can't we use a watermelon? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2644 I ate it. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2645 Why don't we start with a melon and work our way down to this? 1.2128 0.04631 94 78 13 3
2646 c'mon!...what's the worst that can happen? 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2647 It’s cherry season. Can’t we at least wait til apple season? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2648 OK, next time I'll remember to bring the target. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2649 Dad, would you consider upgrading to a Granny Smith? 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2650 YOLO Dad. YOLO son. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2651 Dad, I thought I was your favorite.. 1.2128 0.04244 94 79 12 3
2652 - Objects are bigger than they appear. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2653 Apples psht... 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2654 The President said this was the only effective way to administer the vaccine, now hold still Timmy or else we are all done for! 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2655 Be gentle; it's my first time. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2656 Maybe Grandpa Cherryseed was just jealous of uncle when he made the family motto 'Go Small or Go Home'" 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2657 When I say 3 you jump little Donald... 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2658 Mom's going to kill me if my shirt gets torn again. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2659 Well, it beats staying indoors. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2660 Why? Because apples aren't in season yet. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2661 Okay, let's try this again and this time do not aim at the top of the mountain... 1.2111 0.04739 90 75 12 3
2662 Don’t shoot! Please?... Pretty please?... Pretty, pretty please... 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2663 Are you sure this is the spot? I don't remember the highway . . . and the glacier . . . and the fruit? . . it wasn't a cherry! . . . ohhh, you got it all wrong!! 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2664 Must we start with the maraschino cherry? 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2665 I think we need to increase your life insurance. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2666 I bet the Lone Ranger could hit it! 1.2111 0.04326 90 71 19 0
2667 He paused to consider if this was actually a bad idea after all. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2668 Daughter, my bold attempt has just changed from confident to iffy. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2669 Sorry Dad, but I think I prefer learning history from my teachers. It’s safer 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2670 I don’t normally cherry-pick. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2671 You're supposed to use an apple, Jerk. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2672 Mine is the biggest apple ever, many people say so. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2673 Father are you SURE there isn't an EASIER way to make APPLE SAUCE??? 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2674 William was hoping for a cardboard cutout 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2675 I promise not to eat any more apples! 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2676 ...now, just like the last theee. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2677 Maybe we shoot at a bigger fruit, while we’re getting the hang of it? 1.2111 0.04326 90 71 19 0
2678 Robin Hood was skeptical of the Sundae Challenge. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2679 Remember how much people loved you for the apple? Imagin what this will do for your brand. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2680 Maybe an apple would be better... Theoni Moschetti Boulder, CO 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2681 Walter, yes, your mom DID give me permission to do this. " 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2682 Don't worry, my left eye is my good eye. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2683 I'm kinda starting to think this is a bad idea... 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2684 When they were out of apples, I really wish you’d gone with the watermelon. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2685 Honestly? I'd feel more comfortable if it were an apple. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2686 Anybody see my glasses?!!! 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2687 Sorry, but apples are not in season. 1.2111 0.04605 90 71 17 1
2688 Step back - your arrow looks too big from here. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2689 Thank you for not using the cannon. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2690 What I said was, 'Why don't you try it with Jerry on my head.' I can't stand that guy. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2691 Are you sure you had decaf this morning? 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2692 Can we get a second opinion on this Pa 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2693 You know it happens to be apple season. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2694 Now I’m confused. You didn’t say “...with an apple on top.” 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2695 I swear I did not chop down that cherry tree! 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2696 Does something bother you father? 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2697 It’s better to play with cherries than crossing line of actual control to get apples. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2698 Heard you were tired of splitting hairs. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2699 Dad, I really wish we had done this near an apple tree. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2700 Alright girl, let's make it all gray, it'll start again. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2701 Psst... Dad— we cant be ‘choosers,’ and it’s the only thing they had in season! 1.2111 0.04468 90 74 14 2
2702 Just shoot it, we'll fix it in post-production. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2703 Dad, don't be mad at me, but I've informed the child welfare authorities that you're not using apples. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2704 Good cocktails don’t just make themselves... 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2705 I'd be happier if you used something bigger, How about an apple? 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2706 Come on big Daddy. Pop my cherry. 1.2105 0.05374 95 80 10 5
2707 William, don't tell your Mother! 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2708 He wrote 'Naked Lunch,' among other things. 1.2105 0.05578 95 81 8 6
2709 Go ahead and shoot. Let's make history! 1.2105 0.04940 95 77 14 3
2710 I say one of us eats the cherry, and I find a bird to snipe. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2711 I made a product placement deal on the side. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2712 Pop my cherry, she said! 1.2105 0.05374 95 80 10 5
2713 No, trust me, dad, Billy Tell got so many likes when he posted his on TikTok! 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2714 Yes, I promise you're my favorite 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2715 To reiterate, I was just trying to thank you for the archery lessons. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2716 It’s extreme sports for passive people. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2717 The first Dr. Pimple Popper did not have today’s medical tools. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2718 Are you sure we already ate the watermelon? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2719 Dad, why don't you try an apple first? 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2720 "Dad, I couldn't find a Red Delicious. Will this crabapple work? 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2721 I know where there are some water melons. 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2722 Hey Dad , wasn't this supposed to be an apple? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2723 Where are your glasses? 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2724 But will that arrow be able to tie the stem into a knot? 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2725 You either put a nerf arrow in that thing or I'm putting a watermelon on my head. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2726 Could we start with a watermelon? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2727 Not fair!! Walter got an apple and I've got this lousy cherry!!!! 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2728 I’m a bit near sighted, please tell me what I’m aiming for. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2729 So you know the difference between a cherry and an apple? 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2730 Why do you hate fruit so much? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2731 Don't you think is better with an apple? 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2732 OK, apples are expensive. Ever heard of watermelons? 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2733 I'd rather you use a cantaloupe 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2734 Of course I trust you. It's just ... maybe we should start with a watermelon. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2735 It's called a 'fail video'. Now close your eyes. 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2736 Dad, I think that you are taking the downsizing too far. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2737 If you don't have your contacts in I want to use a watermelon. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2738 son, this may not be the best time to tell you this, but you're adopted 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2739 Is your name William or George, now please don't lie! 1.2088 0.05303