These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.
Name | Value |
---|---|
Submission deadline | 2020-06-28T16:09:00.000Z |
Voting started | - |
Voting ended | 2020-07-19T16:11:00.000Z |
Finalists announced | 2020-07-13T16:10:00.000Z |
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued | July 20, 2020 |
Number of captions | 10145 |
Number of responses | 2012461 |
Number of participants | - |
In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.
Rank | Caption | Mean | Precision | Total votes | "Unfunny" votes | "Somewhat funny" votes | "Funny" votes |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0 | The recipe said 'One egg, beaten.' I was lucky to get out alive. | 2.1436 | 0.00483 | 25891 | 6231 | 9721 | 9935 |
1 | No, you're thinking of my brother Humpty. I fell off the wagon. | 2.0839 | 0.00509 | 24670 | 6971 | 8674 | 9023 |
2 | In hindsight , I should have let the chicken go first. | 2.0637 | 0.00539 | 22393 | 6620 | 7729 | 8042 |
3 | Getting laid is harder than it looks. | 2.0602 | 0.00580 | 21069 | 6904 | 6005 | 8159 |
4 | I had a great fall, the greatest. No one fall has ever been greater" | 2.0219 | 0.00581 | 19003 | 5901 | 6790 | 6312 |
5 | First she tells me I need to come out of my shell. Now I’m “not together enough.” | 2.0098 | 0.00701 | 12289 | 3667 | 4845 | 3777 |
6 | For the record, they no longer like to be called chicks. | 1.9651 | 0.00581 | 18840 | 6346 | 6813 | 5680 |
7 | It’s never over easy. | 1.9281 | 0.00612 | 16381 | 5678 | 6211 | 4492 |
8 | Well, you should see the other guy - he's toast | 1.9214 | 0.00682 | 13432 | 4775 | 4947 | 3710 |
9 | I mean, who sends horses? | 1.9017 | 0.00600 | 17770 | 6653 | 6223 | 4894 |
10 | And then I find out all the king's horses and all the king's men are out-of-network. | 1.8774 | 0.00621 | 16880 | 6660 | 5634 | 4584 |
11 | The last thing I remember is the sign that said beware of poachers | 1.8768 | 0.00635 | 15435 | 5886 | 5568 | 3979 |
12 | Geez...I mean, who knew Egg Beaters was an actual thing? | 1.8712 | 0.00630 | 15972 | 6228 | 5572 | 4167 |
13 | Everyone I ever loved was in that carton. | 1.8711 | 0.00618 | 16648 | 6528 | 5742 | 4373 |
14 | Well, my memory of it is a little scrambled. | 1.8646 | 0.00613 | 15318 | 5587 | 6214 | 3511 |
15 | It wasn't a great fall. That's fake news. It was a beautiful leap. Some say it was the best leap ever. | 1.8622 | 0.00647 | 15616 | 6349 | 5078 | 4189 |
16 | I've already been beaten and boiled so might as well get pickled too. | 1.8455 | 0.00921 | 7332 | 2934 | 2597 | 1801 |
17 | To add insult to injury, had I fallen on the Mexican side I would have received free medical care from qualified professionals. | 1.8435 | 0.00660 | 15026 | 6286 | 4811 | 3928 |
18 | Speaking from experience, walls don’t really make anything great again | 1.8007 | 0.01097 | 5134 | 2200 | 1757 | 1177 |
19 | So, I thought, "Hey, the chicken made it across..." | 1.7898 | 0.00694 | 12285 | 5203 | 4466 | 2616 |
20 | Yep, ALL the king's horses and the ALL king's men. Not ONE doctor. | 1.7818 | 0.00738 | 11205 | 4924 | 3806 | 2474 |
21 | No, actually I fell off the wagon | 1.7759 | 0.01036 | 5257 | 2203 | 2029 | 1025 |
22 | Let’s just say it didn’t go over easy. | 1.7707 | 0.00634 | 13862 | 5823 | 5390 | 2642 |
23 | No, not a whiskey... I said they tried to whisk me. | 1.7600 | 0.01012 | 5867 | 2644 | 1991 | 1232 |
24 | Leave the bottle. Jack and Jill will be here in five minutes. | 1.7584 | 0.00750 | 10666 | 4819 | 3617 | 2230 |
25 | At least I got laid. | 1.7555 | 0.00957 | 6977 | 3309 | 2077 | 1591 |
26 | No, I didn't fight back. The truth is, inside, I'm a hundred percent chicken. | 1.7529 | 0.01018 | 5593 | 2489 | 2003 | 1101 |
27 | There was no rhyme or reason to it. Well, rhyme, maybe. | 1.7504 | 0.00706 | 11385 | 5033 | 4172 | 2177 |
28 | Sit on the wall, they said. What could go wrong, they said. | 1.7504 | 0.01443 | 2708 | 1186 | 1012 | 510 |
29 | People don’t seem to understand that brown shell or white shell we are all the same inside. | 1.7353 | 0.01000 | 5935 | 2761 | 1987 | 1187 |
30 | And if the accident wasn't bad enough, I just found out that my cholesterol is high. | 1.7340 | 0.01347 | 3181 | 1458 | 1113 | 610 |
31 | I told her I was 'free-range' when we started dating! | 1.7307 | 0.01015 | 5681 | 2653 | 1915 | 1113 |
32 | I also have a crack problem. | 1.7265 | 0.00781 | 9938 | 4755 | 3153 | 2028 |
33 | It’s my own fault. I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. | 1.7226 | 0.01019 | 5519 | 2563 | 1925 | 1031 |
34 | No, I can’t look on the sunny side.” | 1.7210 | 0.00967 | 5956 | 2731 | 2161 | 1064 |
35 | I’d still like to know what they thought the damn horses were gonna do. | 1.7135 | 0.01024 | 5462 | 2576 | 1877 | 1009 |
36 | So, yeah, they were putting me together again, until they realized I didn't have insurance. | 1.7116 | 0.00816 | 8623 | 4089 | 2938 | 1596 |
37 | You spend your whole life worried about walls, and then WHAM, hit by a bus. | 1.7088 | 0.01026 | 5708 | 2805 | 1770 | 1133 |
38 | Geez, they tell you to maintain social distancing, and then they pack 12 of us into a carton. | 1.7083 | 0.01134 | 4463 | 2129 | 1511 | 823 |
39 | I just realized I have no idea how I'm getting down from here. | 1.7070 | 0.01151 | 4286 | 2047 | 1456 | 783 |
40 | The chicken can be first, I don't care anymore. | 1.7067 | 0.01059 | 5131 | 2457 | 1725 | 948 |
41 | It's been the worst summer of my life. Hopefully I'll have a great fall. | 1.7030 | 0.01151 | 4330 | 2081 | 1457 | 792 |
42 | Being an egg isn't what it's cracked up to be. | 1.6974 | 0.01070 | 4703 | 2196 | 1735 | 772 |
43 | You ever been put back together by horses? | 1.6973 | 0.01203 | 3945 | 1904 | 1331 | 710 |
44 | It’s always “Humpty Dumpty had a great fall”—never “Is Humpty Dumpty okay?” | 1.6923 | 0.01087 | 4875 | 2386 | 1604 | 885 |
45 | Unfortunately, being an egg is considered a preexisting condition. | 1.6824 | 0.00945 | 6435 | 3197 | 2085 | 1153 |
46 | I'm gonna need all the king's vodka and all the king's gin. | 1.6805 | 0.00953 | 6514 | 3303 | 1990 | 1220 |
47 | Is that my 3rd or 4th?, I'm a little shell shocked at the moment. | 1.6796 | 0.00832 | 7924 | 3856 | 2754 | 1314 |
48 | And then he said “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall”. | 1.6790 | 0.00803 | 9455 | 4889 | 2715 | 1851 |
49 | What really hurts is they called me “Trumpty Dumpty” | 1.6756 | 0.01651 | 2266 | 1186 | 629 | 451 |
50 | Chickens don't like being told they didn't come first. | 1.6639 | 0.00834 | 8194 | 4177 | 2596 | 1420 |
51 | The ramp was long and steep and slippery and I was wearing leather bottom shoes. | 1.6636 | 0.00909 | 7774 | 4254 | 1884 | 1635 |
52 | Build the wall!“ “Build the wall!” How about, “Make sure the wall is structurally sound! | 1.6613 | 0.01283 | 3398 | 1721 | 1107 | 570 |
53 | I ran into a gang of poachers. | 1.6607 | 0.02588 | 787 | 386 | 282 | 119 |
54 | You should see the other eleven. | 1.6548 | 0.00860 | 7269 | 3641 | 2494 | 1132 |
55 | Yep, veteran of six Easter Egg hunts. A lot of good men dyed out there. | 1.6548 | 0.01431 | 2810 | 1461 | 858 | 491 |
56 | With everything going on, I just cracked. | 1.6478 | 0.01039 | 5000 | 2544 | 1675 | 781 |
57 | No, I didn't fall off a wall! Why do people keep asking me that!? | 1.6468 | 0.01123 | 4304 | 2199 | 1427 | 678 |
58 | I hope this one is on the house. I’m totally broke. | 1.6371 | 0.01268 | 3345 | 1731 | 1099 | 515 |
59 | The wall's owner doesn't carry liability insurance, but my lawyer says we can sue the King's men for malpractice. | 1.6321 | 0.00805 | 8418 | 4417 | 2682 | 1319 |
60 | Then I said, "Egg Whites Matter"! | 1.6304 | 0.01933 | 1599 | 882 | 426 | 291 |
61 | Lucky for me, I'm hard-boiled | 1.6260 | 0.00896 | 6565 | 3423 | 2178 | 964 |
62 | Now the King’s lawyer is saying it was more of a minor slip than a great fall. | 1.6260 | 0.00877 | 6796 | 3521 | 2294 | 980 |
63 | Last time I try coming out of my shell. | 1.6215 | 0.00984 | 5553 | 2944 | 1770 | 839 |
64 | And I am white. Could you imagine if I was brown? | 1.6206 | 0.01045 | 5264 | 2895 | 1473 | 896 |
65 | In the end it was all the queen's women who got the job done. | 1.6185 | 0.00975 | 5922 | 3226 | 1728 | 966 |
66 | Shaken, stirred, whatever... so long as it’s not scrambled. | 1.6166 | 0.01473 | 2376 | 1242 | 803 | 331 |
67 | Humpty Dumpty protests in peace. Humpty Dumpty is pushed by police. | 1.6155 | 0.01417 | 2788 | 1522 | 816 | 450 |
68 | Lucky thing I'm hard boiled | 1.6155 | 0.01609 | 2005 | 1054 | 668 | 283 |
69 | I could really use some coddling, right now. | 1.6143 | 0.01883 | 1483 | 786 | 483 | 214 |
70 | Getting laid is not what it's cracked up to be. | 1.6108 | 0.01101 | 4684 | 2596 | 1315 | 773 |
71 | No one ever asks what happens when an egg crosses the road | 1.6076 | 0.00987 | 5632 | 3084 | 1674 | 874 |
72 | It was my first FUI. | 1.6071 | 0.00833 | 9615 | 5838 | 1714 | 2060 |
73 | You should see the other guy, he's toast. | 1.6021 | 0.01082 | 4667 | 2582 | 1364 | 721 |
74 | The king sent all his horses and men to clear the wall for a photo-op. | 1.5989 | 0.01700 | 1977 | 1120 | 530 | 327 |
75 | And then I realized, the only person who can put me back together is me. | 1.5936 | 0.01373 | 2707 | 1464 | 879 | 364 |
76 | Give me another. I'm still a little shell-shocked. | 1.5924 | 0.00938 | 5906 | 3229 | 1853 | 822 |
77 | So I asked her, how DO you make an omelet? | 1.5857 | 0.01341 | 2771 | 1504 | 912 | 355 |
78 | What can I say? Everyone’s walking on eggshells these days. | 1.5826 | 0.01228 | 3445 | 1925 | 1038 | 482 |
79 | So then I told this chick,, "Pretty sure I come first" | 1.5737 | 0.01223 | 3767 | 2207 | 959 | 601 |
80 | The king's horses tried. Then the king's men tried. Some guy from Foster Farms actually got sick when he looked at me. But you know who did it? Charlie. Yeah, Charlie, right there at the end of the bar. Charlie put me back together again. | 1.5688 | 0.01143 | 4678 | 2878 | 941 | 859 |
81 | I only asked her if she'd ever laid an egg. | 1.5672 | 0.01268 | 3408 | 1990 | 903 | 515 |
82 | ... and on top of everything I lost the Faberge` gig. | 1.5668 | 0.01402 | 2777 | 1625 | 732 | 420 |
83 | I'm the stunt double...Humpty wouldn't take the fall. | 1.5668 | 0.01989 | 1265 | 709 | 395 | 161 |
84 | Make it a double Sam. My insides are all scrambled. | 1.5662 | 0.02091 | 1102 | 608 | 364 | 130 |
85 | When they say you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you never think it’s you they’re talking about. | 1.5650 | 0.02107 | 1193 | 688 | 336 | 169 |
86 | A Wallbanger? Seriously? | 1.5570 | 0.01270 | 3357 | 1980 | 882 | 494 |
87 | They kept yelling, "Jump, jump, jump." So I jumped. | 1.5539 | 0.01189 | 3952 | 2388 | 943 | 621 |
88 | She's probably right: someone my shape has no business sitting on a wall. | 1.5538 | 0.01275 | 3001 | 1704 | 934 | 363 |
89 | I told the President the wall was a stupid idea. | 1.5518 | 0.01389 | 2740 | 1616 | 739 | 385 |
90 | ...and I said, ‘egg-xcuuuse me!’ ...I guess he didn’t get it. | 1.5495 | 0.01239 | 3436 | 2028 | 928 | 480 |
91 | « 2020 entering a bar » | 1.5486 | 0.01300 | 3633 | 2307 | 660 | 666 |
92 | I’ll have a hickory daiquiri, doc. | 1.5467 | 0.01531 | 2464 | 1523 | 535 | 406 |
93 | Yeah, first the wall, now the wagon | 1.5440 | 0.01296 | 3101 | 1837 | 841 | 423 |
94 | Great fall" my ass. It was horrible | 1.5438 | 0.01307 | 3062 | 1818 | 823 | 421 |
95 | Bad break up? Yeah.. I got dumped. | 1.5402 | 0.01780 | 1531 | 885 | 465 | 181 |
96 | Build a wall, they said. It’ll be “great,” they said.... | 1.5377 | 0.01343 | 2901 | 1739 | 764 | 398 |
97 | That wall was never a good idea | 1.5335 | 0.01377 | 2675 | 1591 | 735 | 343 |
98 | Hydroxychloroquine? Couldn’t hurt. | 1.5326 | 0.01933 | 1365 | 816 | 371 | 178 |
99 | One more - for the floor? | 1.5311 | 0.01486 | 2785 | 1815 | 461 | 509 |
100 | All the king's men say I tripped and fell, but we'll see about that when the video comes out. | 1.5310 | 0.01441 | 2422 | 1443 | 672 | 307 |
101 | Straight please..I've already been on the rocks once today | 1.5306 | 0.01398 | 2454 | 1440 | 728 | 286 |
102 | She's the redhead from Rhode Island, great sense of humor, really cracks me up. | 1.5303 | 0.01455 | 2527 | 1548 | 618 | 361 |
103 | I realized my healthcare plan was bad when they brought out the horses to try to put me back together again. | 1.5298 | 0.02469 | 821 | 489 | 229 | 103 |
104 | I mean seriously, how were the horses supposed to help? | 1.5259 | 0.01498 | 2198 | 1310 | 620 | 268 |
105 | No, it's been a lousy spring. But I had a great fall. | 1.5251 | 0.01421 | 2413 | 1433 | 693 | 287 |
106 | I was just sitting on a wall and some white woman called the cops. | 1.5248 | 0.02278 | 1048 | 652 | 242 | 154 |
107 | Leave the bottle... I fell off the wagon. | 1.5218 | 0.02337 | 870 | 514 | 258 | 98 |
108 | I don't understand what set him off; most people think I'm a good egg. | 1.5191 | 0.02085 | 1046 | 610 | 329 | 107 |
109 | I don't care what you read,......I was pushed!" | 1.5189 | 0.01968 | 1218 | 721 | 362 | 135 |
110 | Never tease a vegan. | 1.5179 | 0.02234 | 1004 | 610 | 268 | 126 |
111 | I was just sitting there, and when asked, I said Mexico is paying for it- that’s the last thing I remember | 1.5172 | 0.01953 | 1363 | 842 | 337 | 184 |
112 | And then she said, "would you like me to make you an omelette?" | 1.5158 | 0.01563 | 2053 | 1252 | 543 | 258 |
113 | Now I hear she ran away with some spoon. | 1.5156 | 0.01887 | 1408 | 859 | 372 | 177 |
114 | All the king’s horses only made it worse, to be honest. | 1.5155 | 0.01533 | 2037 | 1219 | 584 | 233 |
115 | This is the only place that serves eggs after 11. | 1.5139 | 0.01902 | 1407 | 866 | 359 | 182 |
116 | Mrs. Humpty dumped me. | 1.5119 | 0.01660 | 1807 | 1113 | 466 | 228 |
117 | I waltzed into the White House lawn right in the middle of what they call an Easter egg roll. I got rolled alright! Lost my wallet and my Rolex egg timer. | 1.5111 | 0.01668 | 1935 | 1225 | 431 | 279 |
118 | I know it’s a little early, but I’m just glad I made it past breakfast | 1.5111 | 0.01619 | 1898 | 1161 | 499 | 235 |
119 | 2020 in an eggshell | 1.5108 | 0.01710 | 1813 | 1140 | 418 | 254 |
120 | A fix-it ticket would have sufficed... | 1.5107 | 0.01751 | 1958 | 1301 | 314 | 343 |
121 | Things were going so well. I had a great spring and a great summer, and then I had a great fall. | 1.5096 | 0.01612 | 1880 | 1145 | 510 | 224 |
122 | And that’s when I told the chicken I came first | 1.5088 | 0.01669 | 1818 | 1125 | 459 | 233 |
123 | It was worth it, just to tear down Colonel Sanders' statue. | 1.5085 | 0.02368 | 940 | 592 | 218 | 130 |
124 | This is what you get with an orange baby in charge: horses as healthcare. | 1.5074 | 0.01938 | 1413 | 894 | 321 | 198 |
125 | My therapist says I’ll have to put myself back together. | 1.5067 | 0.01721 | 1577 | 949 | 456 | 171 |
126 | I can only remember the first three minutes. | 1.5042 | 0.01717 | 1676 | 1038 | 432 | 206 |
127 | I still can't figure out why they thought all the King's horses would be of any help. | 1.5032 | 0.01683 | 1707 | 1047 | 461 | 199 |
128 | Anything but a wall banger. | 1.5025 | 0.02221 | 991 | 611 | 262 | 118 |
129 | Sit on the wall!”, they said. “It’ll be fun!”, they said | 1.5012 | 0.01769 | 1636 | 1030 | 392 | 214 |
130 | If it weren't for the EMTs, you'd be talking to an omelette. | 1.5012 | 0.01712 | 1648 | 1014 | 442 | 192 |
131 | Why does nobody believe me, I was pushed | 1.4988 | 0.02382 | 826 | 504 | 232 | 90 |
132 | i told them I couldn't wear a mask. I don't have any ears. | 1.4974 | 0.01762 | 1516 | 929 | 420 | 167 |
133 | What do you mean, you don’t serve food? | 1.4958 | 0.02006 | 1299 | 832 | 290 | 177 |
134 | I was lucky to get myself out of some very hot water. | 1.4952 | 0.03032 | 517 | 319 | 140 | 58 |
135 | Better and better, thanks. But hopefully the last time Bill Barr organizes the White House Easter Egg Hunt. | 1.4947 | 0.01891 | 1516 | 987 | 308 | 221 |
136 | I'm still a bit shell shocked... | 1.4944 | 0.01769 | 1505 | 927 | 412 | 166 |
137 | I’m telling you. I didn’t fall...I was pushed. | 1.4942 | 0.01792 | 1461 | 902 | 398 | 161 |
138 | Then she told this joke that just cracked me up! | 1.4939 | 0.01829 | 1466 | 918 | 372 | 176 |
139 | All I can say is…horses do not have very good fine motor skills. | 1.4936 | 0.01899 | 1337 | 832 | 350 | 155 |
140 | You got a carton in the back I can just lay in? | 1.4889 | 0.02553 | 718 | 445 | 195 | 78 |
141 | No, it wasn't about a wall at all. It was an argument about who came first... | 1.4885 | 0.01940 | 1345 | 858 | 313 | 172 |
142 | The President’s wall isn’t as sturdy as he wants us to believe. | 1.4885 | 0.01907 | 1343 | 847 | 336 | 160 |
143 | Not on the rocks. | 1.4878 | 0.01884 | 1351 | 847 | 349 | 155 |
144 | Last thing I remember is telling the chicken "no, I came first." | 1.4868 | 0.01954 | 1321 | 846 | 307 | 168 |
145 | Oh,the King's horses were great. But the King's men? They just beat the crap out of me. | 1.4863 | 0.01973 | 1170 | 721 | 329 | 120 |
146 | My first day out of quarantine and i’m already getting smashed.. | 1.4859 | 0.01895 | 1274 | 787 | 355 | 132 |
147 | I mean, the men were ok, but the horses... the horses were a bad, bad idea | 1.4855 | 0.01938 | 1306 | 829 | 320 | 157 |
148 | I used to be grade AA, but now I’m thinking I just need to go to their meetings. | 1.4845 | 0.01905 | 1294 | 809 | 343 | 142 |
149 | I just wanted to get a look at West Germany, I guess nov 9 wasn’t the day to do it | 1.4836 | 0.02045 | 1284 | 847 | 253 | 184 |
150 | I already fell off a wall. Might as well fall off the wagon. | 1.4830 | 0.02214 | 969 | 610 | 250 | 109 |
151 | Fell off a wall? So that’s what the cops are saying, huh? | 1.4821 | 0.02366 | 809 | 501 | 226 | 82 |
152 | Well, I’ll tell ya... Ever had a Clydesdale attempt to bandage you up? | 1.4802 | 0.01934 | 1214 | 755 | 335 | 124 |
153 | Make it a double. I'm nursing a rhyme. | 1.4801 | 0.02018 | 1208 | 774 | 288 | 146 |
154 | Thank God I have Obamacare. | 1.4793 | 0.02030 | 1162 | 738 | 291 | 133 |
155 | You’d think out of all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, there would be one plastic surgeon! | 1.4767 | 0.02429 | 795 | 503 | 205 | 87 |
156 | Pour me a double Barry, All the King’s men beat the hell out of me so he could take a picture in front of a church... | 1.4763 | 0.02109 | 1159 | 761 | 244 | 154 |
157 | The worst part is they made a nursery rhyme about it. | 1.4750 | 0.02783 | 619 | 396 | 152 | 71 |
158 | And all the king's horses? Worse than useless. | 1.4749 | 0.02043 | 1135 | 723 | 285 | 127 |
159 | She's mad because I didn't bring home the bacon. | 1.4748 | 0.02035 | 1110 | 702 | 290 | 118 |
160 | Well, it’s settled. The chicken came first. | 1.4732 | 0.02283 | 951 | 618 | 216 | 117 |
161 | If anything, allowing the King's horses to try only made things worse. | 1.4709 | 0.02138 | 1064 | 689 | 249 | 126 |
162 | So the U.S. Constitution walked into a bar.... | 1.4708 | 0.02238 | 1079 | 728 | 194 | 157 |
163 | You know how it goes — I finally just cracked. | 1.4707 | 0.02064 | 1075 | 681 | 282 | 112 |
164 | So an egg walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this a yolk" | 1.4686 | 0.02391 | 843 | 546 | 199 | 98 |
165 | First off the wall and now off the wagon | 1.4683 | 0.02025 | 1040 | 645 | 303 | 92 |
166 | Believe me, I've been in plenty of hot water. | 1.4677 | 0.02045 | 1022 | 637 | 293 | 92 |
167 | Yeah, insurance declined coverage on account it was a ‘pre-eggsisting condition.’ | 1.4666 | 0.02171 | 1003 | 647 | 244 | 112 |
168 | Then she told a joke and I cracked up. | 1.4662 | 0.02430 | 770 | 490 | 201 | 79 |
169 | When there's a vaccine, I'll tell ya, bub. | 1.4658 | 0.02338 | 994 | 677 | 171 | 146 |
170 | Rocks? Dear God, no. | 1.4644 | 0.02110 | 984 | 620 | 271 | 93 |
171 | It breaks me up—all the institutions that used to prop me up are crumbling. Nobody understands how hard it is to be so thin skinned while the world shifts around you. | 1.4610 | 0.02330 | 948 | 637 | 185 | 126 |
172 | "Her name?.......Karen. That's all I'm going to say." | 1.4609 | 0.02349 | 933 | 627 | 182 | 124 |
173 | No, no, no. Scotch...tape. | 1.4600 | 0.02221 | 937 | 606 | 231 | 100 |
174 | Make that a triple. He lied about being a king, he lied about having horses, and he's fired all of his men and can't put a damn thing back together again. | 1.4599 | 0.02665 | 711 | 475 | 145 | 91 |
175 | Like I needed ANOTHER reason to not support The Wall | 1.4599 | 0.02300 | 922 | 608 | 204 | 110 |
176 | Nothing against horses, but surgery is not their forte. | 1.4584 | 0.02242 | 901 | 580 | 229 | 92 |
177 | Good thing I was hard boiled. | 1.4576 | 0.02195 | 909 | 578 | 244 | 86 |
178 | Sooo, I said, “All eggs won’t matter unless Brown eggs matter....” | 1.4573 | 0.02377 | 879 | 586 | 184 | 109 |
179 | ...should've let Baldwin have the parking space... | 1.4573 | 0.02392 | 890 | 599 | 175 | 116 |
180 | It won't put me back together but it'll take the edge off | 1.4567 | 0.02266 | 900 | 585 | 219 | 96 |
181 | So much for wanting to come out of my shell... | 1.4564 | 0.02232 | 894 | 574 | 232 | 88 |
182 | Put it on my tab, I’m broke. | 1.4553 | 0.02363 | 861 | 569 | 192 | 100 |
183 | I found out I was not covered for acts of gravity | 1.4538 | 0.03058 | 498 | 326 | 118 | 54 |
184 | Ironically, they used a new glue made from the king's horses. | 1.4532 | 0.02453 | 759 | 494 | 186 | 79 |
185 | You can't just sit on a wall these days; you gotta take sides. | 1.4526 | 0.02352 | 855 | 564 | 195 | 96 |
186 | Why not? Today is my expiration date.” | 1.4524 | 0.02282 | 851 | 549 | 219 | 83 |
187 | Would you believe I got laid last night? | 1.4520 | 0.02388 | 843 | 560 | 185 | 98 |
188 | ...right in the huevos rancheros, if ya know what I mean." | 1.4514 | 0.02386 | 844 | 561 | 185 | 98 |
189 | It sure is lucky that they just banned the yolk hold... | 1.4502 | 0.02417 | 804 | 531 | 184 | 89 |
190 | How was I to know the wall was built by a Trump crony contractor? | 1.4502 | 0.03024 | 542 | 365 | 110 | 67 |
191 | Well, they egged me on . . . and I cracked. | 1.4493 | 0.02390 | 819 | 541 | 188 | 90 |
192 | These guys approached me - then... Oeuf! | 1.4475 | 0.02425 | 791 | 523 | 182 | 86 |
193 | On top of that, the doctor says I’m high in cholesterol. | 1.4472 | 0.02427 | 796 | 528 | 180 | 88 |
194 | I'll tell ya, Joe, they better knock down that damn wall because the Dumpty family has had enough." | 1.4465 | 0.02396 | 795 | 523 | 189 | 83 |
195 | Finally - someone in this kingdom who can do their job. | 1.4464 | 0.02394 | 793 | 521 | 190 | 82 |
196 | I said “you crack me up” and he took it literally! | 1.4459 | 0.02315 | 785 | 503 | 214 | 68 |
197 | C'mon, honey, sit here on the wall with me" she said. And then she dumped me | 1.4455 | 0.02460 | 770 | 511 | 175 | 84 |
198 | It's time to defund the King's men. | 1.4452 | 0.02462 | 766 | 508 | 175 | 83 |
199 | Spring and summer 2020 have been rough, but I'm hoping for a great fall. | 1.4450 | 0.02328 | 782 | 503 | 210 | 69 |
200 | I fell off a wall, not a barstool. Keep pouring! | 1.4443 | 0.02475 | 772 | 516 | 169 | 87 |
201 | All I said was “Egg Lives Matter” and everyone started beating on me! | 1.4436 | 0.02477 | 771 | 516 | 168 | 87 |
202 | The name’s Bennedict. Eggs Bennedict. | 1.4431 | 0.02505 | 765 | 515 | 161 | 89 |
203 | ...but I saved the lives of eleven of my friends. | 1.4427 | 0.02580 | 646 | 419 | 168 | 59 |
204 | I did have a great fall, actually. But spring and summer sucked. | 1.4426 | 0.02490 | 662 | 423 | 185 | 54 |
205 | I called the officer a chicken as a form of respect. | 1.4421 | 0.03677 | 337 | 223 | 79 | 35 |
206 | There’s no way I can survive another 4 years of this! | 1.4419 | 0.03101 | 482 | 321 | 109 | 52 |
207 | Humpty's my brother. I'm Trumpty, and I've had a big fall | 1.4407 | 0.02583 | 742 | 507 | 143 | 92 |
208 | I told them I wouldn't crack. | 1.4405 | 0.02405 | 740 | 481 | 192 | 67 |
209 | You're thinking of my brother. I fell off the wagon. | 1.4405 | 0.02488 | 740 | 492 | 170 | 78 |
210 | Fell off a wall? So is that what the cops are saying, huh? | 1.4404 | 0.02425 | 738 | 482 | 187 | 69 |
211 | I remember when the "Which came first question" was a friendly debate. | 1.4401 | 0.02396 | 734 | 475 | 195 | 64 |
212 | I was lucky. Poachers got all my friends. | 1.4398 | 0.02500 | 723 | 479 | 170 | 74 |
213 | Unfortunately all the King’s horses and all the King’s men are out of network in my insurance plan. | 1.4388 | 0.02482 | 727 | 481 | 173 | 73 |
214 | Don't know why they thought the king's horses could help... | 1.4385 | 0.02548 | 716 | 480 | 158 | 78 |
215 | Make it a double, I'm poached! | 1.4385 | 0.02445 | 723 | 473 | 183 | 67 |
216 | I'm trying to remember what happened, but it's all scrambled. | 1.4383 | 0.02434 | 721 | 470 | 186 | 65 |
217 | Man, if you have a problem in this town, don't go to the King's men to help you. | 1.4383 | 0.02410 | 721 | 467 | 192 | 62 |
218 | Can you believe it? She dropped me just like that. | 1.4379 | 0.02482 | 708 | 465 | 176 | 67 |
219 | When you build walls to that extent, you’re going to find more falls, you’re going to find more cases of falls. So I said to my people: slow the building down, please! If we didn’t build walls, we would have very few falls. | 1.4374 | 0.02689 | 711 | 495 | 121 | 95 |
220 | Horses? Seriously? | 1.4367 | 0.03320 | 371 | 239 | 102 | 30 |
221 | If my wife asks you, don't tell her I was in a bar fight. I'm going to tell her I just fell off a wall or something | 1.4362 | 0.02493 | 697 | 458 | 174 | 65 |
222 | I guess you could say I went over easy. | 1.4357 | 0.02534 | 700 | 465 | 163 | 71 |
223 | In hindsight, that hard boiling was the best thing that ever happened to me... | 1.4357 | 0.02393 | 700 | 449 | 197 | 54 |
224 | If I’m back together, why do I still feel so broken inside? | 1.4350 | 0.02480 | 692 | 453 | 177 | 62 |
225 | I might as well. I've already fallen off the wagon. | 1.4350 | 0.04203 | 246 | 162 | 61 | 23 |
226 | You just can't have a civil discussion with a chicken any more about which of us came first. | 1.4348 | 0.02587 | 683 | 458 | 153 | 72 |
227 | It wasn't the fall - it was the landing. | 1.4346 | 0.02905 | 520 | 344 | 126 | 50 |
228 | This time it was really bad, I fell onto the United States side. | 1.4346 | 0.02507 | 688 | 453 | 171 | 64 |
229 | My life's all rhyme, no reason. | 1.4324 | 0.02909 | 525 | 350 | 123 | 52 |
230 | .....she humped me and dumped me... | 1.4322 | 0.02637 | 671 | 455 | 142 | 74 |
231 | Everyone thinks I’m this Humpty Dumpty guy, I guess we all look the same to you people. | 1.4320 | 0.02566 | 669 | 445 | 159 | 65 |
232 | I said, "you crack me up." And he did. | 1.4318 | 0.02580 | 667 | 445 | 156 | 66 |
233 | Why send horses? How about "all the king's doctors"? | 1.4316 | 0.02478 | 665 | 432 | 179 | 54 |
234 | It's not safe for me out there - poachers everywhere. | 1.4316 | 0.02646 | 665 | 451 | 141 | 73 |
235 | Have I mentioned before that I hate Easter Break? | 1.4310 | 0.02604 | 652 | 435 | 153 | 64 |
236 | The injuries from the fall were bad enough but when I went in for treatment they found my cholesterol was off the charts. | 1.4307 | 0.02614 | 664 | 447 | 148 | 69 |
237 | Why the hell did they send horses? | 1.4307 | 0.02666 | 664 | 453 | 136 | 75 |
238 | She dumptied me. | 1.4307 | 0.02588 | 664 | 444 | 154 | 66 |
239 | Being an egg is not all that it is cracked up to be. | 1.4299 | 0.02663 | 656 | 446 | 138 | 72 |
240 | I admit it! I thought I was such a tough egg but I cracked under pressure. | 1.4294 | 0.02576 | 652 | 433 | 158 | 61 |
241 | So then I said, "yeah, the dress makes you look big in the middle." | 1.4290 | 0.02669 | 648 | 440 | 138 | 70 |
242 | Yeah, so getting laid isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. | 1.4286 | 0.02739 | 637 | 438 | 125 | 74 |
243 | Who would’ve thought “separate the whites” would be so triggering | 1.4283 | 0.02776 | 642 | 447 | 115 | 80 |
244 | And in that brief moment as I hit the ground I swear I saw a dish running away with a spoon. | 1.4283 | 0.02605 | 642 | 428 | 153 | 61 |
245 | All I said was: 'Of course I had to be first!' and that chicken went ballistic on me. | 1.4275 | 0.02804 | 552 | 368 | 132 | 52 |
246 | He called my father a chicken. | 1.4273 | 0.02799 | 550 | 365 | 133 | 51 |
247 | I don’t think I can survive another St. Patrick’s weekend. | 1.4270 | 0.02845 | 637 | 451 | 100 | 86 |
248 | They said, 'Let's make an omelette." I said, "Sure, count me in." | 1.4270 | 0.02612 | 623 | 413 | 154 | 56 |
249 | The fox was like, 'We're gonna make this henhouse great again.' | 1.4268 | 0.02613 | 642 | 430 | 150 | 62 |
250 | I wanted to fight back, but I guess I'm just chicken on the inside. | 1.4268 | 0.02567 | 635 | 422 | 157 | 56 |
251 | Can you call the King’s women? | 1.4264 | 0.02849 | 530 | 353 | 128 | 49 |
252 | He’s like, ‘Sometimes you have to break a few eggs,’ and I’m like, ummm, no you don’t. | 1.4250 | 0.02734 | 600 | 406 | 133 | 61 |
253 | I was just trying to get laid again | 1.4246 | 0.02669 | 617 | 415 | 142 | 60 |
254 | Turns out that all the king's horses and all the king's men don't know squat about medicine. | 1.4233 | 0.02651 | 593 | 393 | 149 | 51 |
255 | I mean men, sure, but horses? | 1.4229 | 0.02672 | 603 | 404 | 143 | 56 |
256 | It all started when I rolled out of bed this morning. | 1.4228 | 0.02790 | 518 | 339 | 137 | 41 |
257 | Here I sit, Jimmy, reduced to a metaphor. | 1.4217 | 0.02597 | 600 | 395 | 157 | 48 |
258 | First the wall, and now the wagon. | 1.4214 | 0.02769 | 598 | 410 | 124 | 64 |
259 | Horses! I mean, whose idea was that? | 1.4208 | 0.02625 | 587 | 387 | 152 | 47 |
260 | I thought the story was a metaphor or something. Who knew gravity was science based? | 1.4201 | 0.02783 | 588 | 402 | 123 | 62 |
261 | I know he's known for shoddy construction, but how to you mess up a wall? | 1.4195 | 0.02807 | 584 | 402 | 119 | 63 |
262 | I'm broke | 1.4192 | 0.02717 | 582 | 392 | 136 | 54 |
263 | You always read about it, but you never think it’ll happen to you | 1.4190 | 0.02724 | 580 | 391 | 135 | 54 |
264 | When did all the kings horses and all the kings men start using teargas? | 1.4190 | 0.02831 | 580 | 401 | 115 | 64 |
265 | They'll never put me together again emotionally. | 1.4187 | 0.02630 | 578 | 381 | 152 | 45 |
266 | Telling her I felt hen-pecked was probably a mistake | 1.4180 | 0.02791 | 567 | 386 | 125 | 56 |
267 | Couple more years n' I'm moving to Ham Springs | 1.4177 | 0.03034 | 565 | 407 | 80 | 78 |
268 | I gotta get myself back together again... | 1.4177 | 0.02667 | 577 | 384 | 145 | 48 |
269 | My wife says I come here to get coddled. | 1.4177 | 0.02723 | 577 | 389 | 135 | 53 |
270 | The safe word. Always remember the safe word. | 1.4177 | 0.02879 | 498 | 332 | 124 | 42 |
271 | My therapist keeps telling me to look on the sunny side. | 1.4176 | 0.02776 | 510 | 335 | 137 | 38 |
272 | Well that didn't go over easy. | 1.4174 | 0.02650 | 575 | 380 | 148 | 46 |
273 | Ironically, my cholesterol is fine. | 1.4174 | 0.02650 | 575 | 381 | 148 | 46 |
274 | Better not have another. I'm really starting to come out of my shell. | 1.4174 | 0.02707 | 575 | 386 | 138 | 51 |
275 | And we'll continue to protest until we are ALL cage free! | 1.4174 | 0.02762 | 575 | 391 | 128 | 56 |
276 | Yeah, I fell off the wall. Now I'm falling off the wagon. | 1.4165 | 0.02761 | 569 | 386 | 129 | 54 |
277 | So that's why I'm not a fan of brunch. | 1.4164 | 0.03916 | 293 | 201 | 62 | 30 |
278 | If you crack an omelette joke, I'm leaving. | 1.4162 | 0.02790 | 567 | 387 | 124 | 56 |
279 | That's your advice? 'Keep your sunny-side up'? | 1.4155 | 0.02818 | 556 | 380 | 121 | 55 |
280 | So, there I was, just sitting on the wall with no mask... | 1.4147 | 0.02744 | 557 | 375 | 133 | 49 |
281 | Walls: can't stay off 'em, can't stay on 'em. | 1.4144 | 0.02832 | 555 | 381 | 118 | 56 |
282 | I told her not to put us all in one basket. | 1.4135 | 0.02843 | 549 | 377 | 117 | 55 |
283 | 30 years on that wall, but one fall and that’s all they want to write about. | 1.4135 | 0.02831 | 549 | 376 | 119 | 54 |
284 | Who knew the egg toss game would be so competitive? | 1.4132 | 0.02779 | 547 | 370 | 128 | 49 |
285 | Did you ever notice that the nursery rhyme never actually mentions that I'm an egg? | 1.4124 | 0.02875 | 531 | 364 | 115 | 52 |
286 | And my insurance company claims the fall was due to a pre-existing condition. | 1.4122 | 0.02873 | 541 | 373 | 113 | 55 |
287 | One more Harvey Wallbanger please. | 1.4119 | 0.02807 | 539 | 366 | 124 | 49 |
288 | What I wouldn't give to be Faberge, they know how to live | 1.4113 | 0.02916 | 530 | 367 | 108 | 55 |
289 | Shell shocked? You think that's funny? | 1.4112 | 0.02810 | 535 | 363 | 124 | 48 |
290 | Better make that a double. I've had a great fall. | 1.4110 | 0.04270 | 236 | 161 | 53 | 22 |
291 | They caught the guy. He being charged as an eggbeater. | 1.4106 | 0.02882 | 526 | 361 | 114 | 51 |
292 | Just between you and me Frank, I didn't fall off the wagon. | 1.4101 | 0.02711 | 534 | 355 | 139 | 40 |
293 | Yeah, this is what it looks like when you put it back together again | 1.4101 | 0.02775 | 534 | 360 | 129 | 45 |
294 | All the king’s horses and men won’t do jack if you’re uninsured | 1.4101 | 0.02923 | 534 | 372 | 105 | 57 |
295 | No, I'm Humpty Dumpty's stunt double. | 1.4087 | 0.02955 | 526 | 368 | 101 | 57 |
296 | Despite what you may have heard, horses are not particularly good at putting things back together again. | 1.4084 | 0.02772 | 524 | 352 | 130 | 42 |
297 | Considering the year we've had, my day has been fine. | 1.4081 | 0.03252 | 419 | 290 | 87 | 42 |
298 | Believe it or not, this is a fairy tale ending. | 1.4080 | 0.02909 | 522 | 361 | 109 | 52 |
299 | I said to her "You really crack me up" ... and she did | 1.4080 | 0.02832 | 522 | 355 | 121 | 46 |
300 | Even the King's horses and King's men were taking only telehealth clients. | 1.4080 | 0.02779 | 522 | 351 | 129 | 42 |
301 | Frankly I don't think all the king's horses were trying that hard. | 1.4073 | 0.02692 | 518 | 358 | 114 | 45 |
302 | I must confess, sitting on that wall was an appalling act of hubris. | 1.4067 | 0.02903 | 504 | 345 | 113 | 46 |
303 | I just want to feel whole again. | 1.4062 | 0.02982 | 448 | 301 | 112 | 35 |
304 | All the king's men don't take my insurance. | 1.4059 | 0.02904 | 510 | 351 | 111 | 48 |
305 | I was overtaken by poachers. | 1.4055 | 0.02790 | 508 | 341 | 128 | 39 |
306 | Damn, that chicken really wanted to be first. | 1.4043 | 0.03048 | 423 | 284 | 107 | 32 |
307 | I don't know how they thought the horses would help. | 1.4040 | 0.02925 | 495 | 340 | 110 | 45 |
308 | I tell ya, Sam, being a hard-boiled detective ain't all it's cracked up to be. | 1.4040 | 0.02945 | 500 | 346 | 106 | 48 |
309 | „Ever been through a break up yourself?“ | 1.4040 | 0.02876 | 500 | 341 | 116 | 43 |
310 | Chicken made clear she was first | 1.4040 | 0.02904 | 500 | 343 | 112 | 45 |
311 | That wall turned out to be no more stable than the “genius” that built it. | 1.4040 | 0.02959 | 500 | 347 | 104 | 49 |
312 | Give me anything that'll get me plastered. | 1.4040 | 0.02798 | 500 | 353 | 99 | 48 |
313 | Never start an existential debate with an angry chicken. | 1.4037 | 0.02905 | 493 | 337 | 113 | 43 |
314 | Thank goodness for the King’s women. | 1.4037 | 0.02891 | 493 | 336 | 115 | 42 |
315 | I cracked under pressure | 1.4036 | 0.02926 | 498 | 343 | 109 | 46 |
316 | It started as a peaceful Brown Eggs Matter rally, then all the King’s horses and all the King’s men showed up. | 1.4036 | 0.03126 | 498 | 358 | 79 | 61 |
317 | Great big beautiful wall my ass | 1.4032 | 0.03043 | 496 | 350 | 92 | 54 |
318 | I feel like I'm becoming just a cliché to some people. | 1.4032 | 0.02758 | 501 | 334 | 132 | 35 |
319 | Yes, I dream of a world without walls. | 1.4031 | 0.03304 | 387 | 266 | 86 | 35 |
320 | It was all over in 3 minutes. | 1.4028 | 0.02857 | 494 | 335 | 119 | 40 |
321 | Apparently being an egg is a pre-existing condition. | 1.4022 | 0.03185 | 363 | 240 | 100 | 23 |
322 | Don’t even start about that Wall | 1.4020 | 0.03056 | 490 | 346 | 91 | 53 |
323 | All I said was, "Who's paying for this wall? | 1.4020 | 0.02959 | 490 | 339 | 105 | 46 |
324 | ‘Come out of your shell’, they all said!” | 1.4020 | 0.03078 | 398 | 265 | 106 | 27 |
325 | Come on, get real. Do I look like a Cadbury to you? | 1.4016 | 0.02861 | 493 | 335 | 118 | 40 |
326 | You should see the other guy. Boy, does he have egg on his face. | 1.4012 | 0.02933 | 486 | 334 | 109 | 43 |
327 | You must have heard my story a hundred times. | 1.4005 | 0.03081 | 437 | 300 | 99 | 38 |
328 | Yeah, and to make matters worse I have high cholesterol | 1.4004 | 0.02972 | 477 | 329 | 105 | 43 |
329 | Who was the genius who sent the king’s horses? | 1.4004 | 0.02927 | 477 | 326 | 111 | 40 |
330 | I like to think I drink because I fall, not fall because I drink. | 1.4000 | 0.02929 | 480 | 329 | 110 | 41 |
331 | Didn't expect to crack like this, but the isolation drove me up the wall. | 1.4000 | 0.03045 | 480 | 337 | 94 | 49 |
332 | All the king's gin, please. | 1.3992 | 0.02898 | 471 | 322 | 111 | 38 |
333 | I'm not such a bad egg, just a little broke right now. | 1.3987 | 0.02899 | 469 | 318 | 115 | 36 |
334 | Just water, thanks, I’m broke | 1.3983 | 0.02886 | 472 | 320 | 116 | 36 |
335 | A Harvey Wallbanger? Seriously? | 1.3983 | 0.03008 | 472 | 328 | 100 | 44 |
336 | Just enough to kill the pain without impairing my sense of balance. | 1.3979 | 0.03256 | 377 | 257 | 90 | 30 |
337 | Starring in a nursery rhyme is not all it's cracked up to be. | 1.3974 | 0.03071 | 468 | 329 | 92 | 47 |
338 | I mean, what does "back together" even mean anymore? | 1.3970 | 0.02879 | 466 | 315 | 117 | 34 |
339 | ...I sure hope the Dish and the Spoon made a clean getaway. | 1.3970 | 0.02942 | 466 | 319 | 109 | 38 |
340 | The King's horses and men couldn't do a thing but then up strolls a guy with duct tape. | 1.3969 | 0.03001 | 446 | 305 | 105 | 36 |
341 | Ah, the King's horses...they were the worst. | 1.3968 | 0.03422 | 310 | 206 | 85 | 19 |
342 | It was less of a wall and more of a wagon | 1.3957 | 0.02804 | 460 | 306 | 126 | 28 |
343 | All the King's horses and all the King's men aren't all they're cracked up to be | 1.3957 | 0.02952 | 460 | 315 | 108 | 37 |
344 | He came at me like the edge of a mixing bowl. | 1.3957 | 0.03108 | 460 | 325 | 88 | 47 |
345 | Would it kill you to lower the stools? | 1.3957 | 0.03031 | 460 | 320 | 98 | 42 |
346 | All I said was egg yokes matter. | 1.3955 | 0.03361 | 402 | 286 | 73 | 43 |
347 | Wall, wagon, whatever. | 1.3952 | 0.03072 | 458 | 321 | 93 | 44 |
348 | FINALLY they called in the King's women and put me back together again. I mean, what took so long? | 1.3952 | 0.03087 | 458 | 322 | 91 | 45 |
349 | You should see my iPhone screen | 1.3947 | 0.02986 | 456 | 314 | 104 | 38 |
350 | It wasn't just a ramp. It was the steepest and most slippery ramp the world has ever seen. | 1.3947 | 0.03219 | 456 | 329 | 74 | 52 |
351 | Another Wallbanger, Harvey. | 1.3947 | 0.02986 | 456 | 314 | 104 | 38 |
352 | I got off lucky; the other guy broke his crown. | 1.3947 | 0.02969 | 456 | 313 | 106 | 37 |
353 | Worst ten minutes of my life. I timed it. | 1.3947 | 0.02969 | 456 | 313 | 106 | 37 |
354 | Build the wall, they said, Make America Great Again, they said... | 1.3938 | 0.03254 | 452 | 327 | 70 | 54 |
355 | He assured me Mexico would pay. | 1.3938 | 0.03084 | 452 | 317 | 92 | 43 |
356 | Of course, I fell off the wagon first. | 1.3938 | 0.03036 | 452 | 314 | 98 | 40 |
357 | Stirred please, I am already shaken. | 1.3938 | 0.03004 | 452 | 312 | 102 | 38 |
358 | When did these stools get so high? | 1.3938 | 0.03116 | 452 | 319 | 88 | 45 |
359 | What they never tell you is that it takes seven to ten business days for all the kings men to process your request to be put back together again. | 1.3938 | 0.02954 | 452 | 309 | 108 | 35 |
360 | I tell ya, if I wasn't for the fact that I'm hard-boiled, things could have gotten real messy out there. | 1.3938 | 0.03068 | 452 | 316 | 94 | 42 |
361 | Well, it could have been worse -- what if I had been brown? | 1.3933 | 0.03094 | 450 | 315 | 91 | 43 |
362 | I had a great Fall, but the spring and summer have been a nightmare! | 1.3929 | 0.03087 | 448 | 314 | 92 | 42 |
363 | I think I've finally reached my breaking point. | 1.3929 | 0.03055 | 448 | 312 | 96 | 40 |
364 | Eggestential crisis today. And you? | 1.3929 | 0.03055 | 448 | 312 | 96 | 40 |
365 | and on top of all this I keep hearing this strange peeping sound. | 1.3919 | 0.03057 | 444 | 309 | 96 | 39 |
366 | Let me give you a tip about Wall St. Don't sit on it. | 1.3914 | 0.03050 | 442 | 307 | 97 | 38 |
367 | Those brown eggs were right about the cops. | 1.3913 | 0.04420 | 207 | 143 | 47 | 17 |
368 | No, my name is Carl. I get that a lot though. | 1.3904 | 0.02965 | 438 | 299 | 107 | 32 |
369 | Now I just want to be pickled. | 1.3900 | 0.03053 | 441 | 307 | 96 | 38 |
370 | Before this my toughest gig had been the This Is Your Brain on Drugs PSA. | 1.3897 | 0.03479 | 349 | 245 | 72 | 32 |
371 | When all the King's horses and all the King's men can't put you back together again, it makes you wonder where all your tax dollars are going. | 1.3884 | 0.03108 | 430 | 301 | 91 | 38 |
372 | I fell off a wall and then got trampled by a bunch of idiots on horses. | 1.3873 | 0.03056 | 426 | 295 | 97 | 34 |
373 | C'mon, Humpty. Sit on the wall, they said. What could go wrong, they said. | 1.3868 | 0.03084 | 424 | 295 | 94 | 35 |
374 | I'm going through a break-up | 1.3863 | 0.03057 | 422 | 292 | 97 | 33 |
375 | Why would they send horses? | 1.3861 | 0.03247 | 417 | 298 | 77 | 42 |
376 | It's not the fall, it's the co-pay. | 1.3857 | 0.03067 | 420 | 291 | 96 | 33 |
377 | I really need to get plastered. | 1.3852 | 0.02793 | 418 | 286 | 104 | 26 |
378 | Shouldn't you be wearing a mask? | 1.3844 | 0.03094 | 411 | 285 | 94 | 32 |
379 | Actually, I was fine until all the king's horses showed up | 1.3844 | 0.03074 | 411 | 284 | 96 | 31 |
380 | No one believes me, but I was actually going up the hill to fetch a pail of water. | 1.3841 | 0.03134 | 414 | 290 | 89 | 35 |
381 | No, I’m John. Humpty didn’t make it. Doesn’t anybody read anymore? | 1.3833 | 0.03247 | 407 | 290 | 78 | 39 |
382 | I came first, but try telling a chick that. | 1.3832 | 0.03226 | 394 | 277 | 83 | 34 |
383 | ...so all I said is “I really think us eggs came first” and the chicken went ballistic | 1.3829 | 0.03284 | 410 | 295 | 73 | 42 |
384 | The horses just made things worse | 1.3827 | 0.03124 | 405 | 282 | 91 | 32 |
385 | I’m trying hard to look at the sunny side of things. | 1.3825 | 0.03071 | 400 | 275 | 97 | 28 |
386 | Sure, fine, but where were all the King’s doctors? | 1.3825 | 0.03171 | 400 | 280 | 87 | 33 |
387 | Lately, I've been feeling so...fragile. | 1.3825 | 0.03814 | 251 | 171 | 64 | 16 |
388 | What’s up with recipe books telling people to beat the eggs | 1.3824 | 0.03146 | 408 | 286 | 88 | 34 |
389 | By any chance, you wouldn't have a shorter barstool? | 1.3821 | 0.03154 | 403 | 282 | 88 | 33 |
390 | The doctors gave me three minutes, and then I'm done. | 1.3819 | 0.03241 | 398 | 282 | 80 | 36 |
391 | I fell on hard times | 1.3818 | 0.03078 | 406 | 281 | 95 | 30 |
392 | Trust me, Mexico is going to pay for this. | 1.3818 | 0.03251 | 406 | 290 | 77 | 39 |
393 | Sure, they put me back together - but you never hear about the crippling medical debt that followed. | 1.3818 | 0.03118 | 406 | 283 | 91 | 32 |
394 | And then this chicken came out of nowhere, pushed me off the wall, and said, "I was here first!" | 1.3818 | 0.03289 | 406 | 292 | 73 | 41 |
395 | How come the brown eggs get to say it and I can’t? | 1.3818 | 0.03886 | 296 | 214 | 51 | 31 |
396 | I suppose sitting on this barstool is not such a good idea either. | 1.3815 | 0.03085 | 401 | 277 | 94 | 29 |
397 | I'll have a wall banger. | 1.3813 | 0.03872 | 257 | 178 | 60 | 19 |
398 | Dammit, Jim, don’t coddle me. | 1.3812 | 0.03128 | 404 | 282 | 90 | 32 |
399 | Seriously, they asked "all the king's horses" to put me back together. It thought it was just a sick joke, but it turns out to be the long awaited Republican replacement plan for Obamacare. | 1.3812 | 0.03263 | 404 | 289 | 76 | 39 |
400 | Well, I’ve certainly learned my lesson. Next time I’ll wear a mask at Whole Foods. | 1.3806 | 0.03274 | 402 | 288 | 75 | 39 |
401 | A wall? No, I fell off the wagon. | 1.3806 | 0.03138 | 402 | 281 | 89 | 32 |
402 | I was up on my wall as usual, then I was mistaken for a confederate monument. | 1.3806 | 0.03178 | 402 | 283 | 85 | 34 |
403 | Its not over and it hasn't been easy | 1.3806 | 0.03216 | 402 | 285 | 81 | 36 |
404 | I didn’t scramble fast enough. | 1.3806 | 0.02934 | 402 | 271 | 109 | 22 |
405 | Pour me one, I fell off the wagon. | 1.3800 | 0.03208 | 400 | 283 | 82 | 35 |
406 | And now look at me...alone at a bar. The shell of a man. | 1.3800 | 0.03169 | 400 | 281 | 86 | 33 |
407 | Turns out they could put me back together again. I'm just not sure how I feel about it. | 1.3800 | 0.02985 | 400 | 272 | 104 | 24 |
408 | I guess you could say I fell off the wagon. | 1.3800 | 0.03188 | 400 | 282 | 84 | 34 |
409 | Put this on the King’s tab. | 1.3794 | 0.03119 | 398 | 277 | 91 | 30 |
410 | Close call. I thought she wanted to merengue. | 1.3794 | 0.03139 | 398 | 278 | 89 | 31 |
411 | You think I'm cracked, look at your president! | 1.3794 | 0.03277 | 398 | 285 | 75 | 38 |
412 | Fall, my ass. I was pushed. | 1.3788 | 0.03170 | 396 | 278 | 86 | 32 |
413 | I prefer to call it a tremendous fall. | 1.3785 | 0.03219 | 391 | 276 | 82 | 33 |
414 | Some guy yells “you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs” and the next thing I know two pieces of toast jump me. | 1.3785 | 0.03319 | 391 | 281 | 72 | 38 |
415 | Ever feel like something inside you is fighting to get out? | 1.3785 | 0.03299 | 391 | 280 | 74 | 37 |
416 | And then they started throwing rotten comedians at me | 1.3785 | 0.03198 | 391 | 275 | 84 | 32 |
417 | No, I didn’t put up a fight. Deep down inside I think I’m just a chicken. | 1.3782 | 0.03261 | 394 | 281 | 77 | 36 |
418 | Whip me, beat me, eat me." I'm never using that pickup line again | 1.3782 | 0.03300 | 394 | 283 | 73 | 38 |
419 | Build the wall, they said. | 1.3779 | 0.03409 | 389 | 284 | 63 | 42 |
420 | You should have seen the other guy.....he was toast! | 1.3779 | 0.03271 | 389 | 277 | 77 | 35 |
421 | The vegans are meaner than they look | 1.3776 | 0.03252 | 392 | 279 | 78 | 35 |
422 | So long story short, I’m just a shell of who I used to be. | 1.3773 | 0.03302 | 387 | 277 | 74 | 36 |
423 | I feel rotten. | 1.3760 | 0.03157 | 383 | 267 | 88 | 28 |
424 | That’s what the King’s men said, but if their body-cams worked you’d see the fall didn’t do this. | 1.3753 | 0.03254 | 381 | 270 | 79 | 32 |
425 | Compared to 2020, this isn't so bad. | 1.3753 | 0.03296 | 381 | 272 | 75 | 34 |
426 | A few put me together again - the rest were live streaming it. | 1.3753 | 0.03190 | 381 | 267 | 85 | 29 |
427 | Ironically, the doctor says I have low cholesterol. | 1.3753 | 0.03254 | 381 | 270 | 79 | 32 |
428 | At this rate I'll be eggnog by Christmas. | 1.3747 | 0.03287 | 379 | 270 | 76 | 33 |
429 | And you tell me what the hell were all those horses supposed to do? | 1.3747 | 0.03223 | 379 | 267 | 82 | 30 |
430 | And on top of everything else, it's considered a pre-existing condition. | 1.3747 | 0.03329 | 379 | 272 | 72 | 35 |
431 | Couldn't you get at least one stool that has a back? | 1.3747 | 0.03113 | 379 | 262 | 92 | 25 |
432 | And my insurance is arguing “pre-eggisting condition”! | 1.3747 | 0.03308 | 379 | 270 | 74 | 34 |
433 | It was the wagon. Not a wall. | 1.3747 | 0.03266 | 379 | 269 | 78 | 32 |
434 | All I said was, ALL eggs matter! | 1.3740 | 0.03299 | 377 | 269 | 75 | 33 |
435 | Make it a double. I just broke up. | 1.3740 | 0.03445 | 377 | 276 | 61 | 40 |
436 | Come to think of it, I have no idea what the horses were even doing there. | 1.3740 | 0.03234 | 377 | 266 | 81 | 30 |
437 | Might as well fall off the wagon. | 1.3733 | 0.03354 | 375 | 270 | 70 | 35 |
438 | Horses! They sent horses to help me, I’m lucky I wasn’t trampled to death | 1.3733 | 0.03246 | 375 | 265 | 80 | 30 |
439 | I was once next in line on Faberge's workbench. | 1.3733 | 0.03224 | 375 | 264 | 82 | 29 |
440 | I should have never listened to that deviled egg..." | 1.3733 | 0.03156 | 375 | 261 | 88 | 26 |
441 | Don’t ever tell a chicken that you came first. | 1.3733 | 0.03354 | 375 | 270 | 70 | 35 |
442 | I don't get it, Charlie. Getting laid was supposed to come naturally. | 1.3727 | 0.03323 | 373 | 267 | 73 | 33 |
443 | But who puts me back together on the inside? | 1.3727 | 0.03190 | 373 | 261 | 85 | 27 |
444 | It gets worse, then all the King’s horses showed up. | 1.3720 | 0.03269 | 371 | 263 | 77 | 29 |
445 | –Then the chicken said 'I know who's gonna go first'... | 1.3720 | 0.03291 | 371 | 264 | 76 | 31 |
446 | First day on the job, all I said was "let's get crackin" but I guess they took it literally | 1.3720 | 0.03155 | 371 | 258 | 88 | 25 |
447 | They said it'd be over easy. | 1.3720 | 0.03378 | 371 | 268 | 68 | 35 |
448 | After all the king's horses and all the king's men, the duct tape finally arrived. | 1.3717 | 0.03250 | 374 | 265 | 79 | 30 |
449 | I got off easy. You should see the Brown eggs. | 1.3713 | 0.03281 | 369 | 262 | 77 | 30 |
450 | And this motherfucker sends his HORSES to put me back together? HORSES! They don't even have opposable thumbs. HOOVES, Greg. They have hooves. You ever had someone with hooves try to piece you together? Well, I don't recommend it... Leave the bottle. | 1.3713 | 0.03347 | 369 | 265 | 71 | 33 |
451 | All the comfort I need is knowing all the king's horses and all the king's men now have salmonella. | 1.3713 | 0.03281 | 369 | 262 | 77 | 30 |
452 | I know, it's not about the fall, it's the journey. | 1.3708 | 0.03317 | 356 | 252 | 76 | 28 |
453 | The rhyme leaves out this part. | 1.3705 | 0.03274 | 359 | 253 | 79 | 27 |
454 | He sends horses to fix this. Horses! Who's advising this guy? | 1.3705 | 0.03367 | 359 | 257 | 71 | 31 |
455 | And then he said “You’ll have a much better view if you sit on the wall.” | 1.3697 | 0.03139 | 357 | 246 | 90 | 21 |
456 | Those King's men pushed me off the wall again- but this time I got video! | 1.3691 | 0.03339 | 363 | 260 | 72 | 31 |
457 | All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t get me to live 2020 again. | 1.3684 | 0.03306 | 361 | 257 | 75 | 29 |
458 | No, I didn't fall. I asked a guy why he was still dumb enough to be a Trumper, and he pushed me off the wall. | 1.3684 | 0.03465 | 361 | 264 | 61 | 36 |
459 | I got a fifty with your name on it if you keep your mouth shut. I told the wife I fell off a wall. | 1.3684 | 0.03259 | 361 | 255 | 78 | 27 |
460 | I just don’t get why they sent horses. | 1.3684 | 0.03163 | 361 | 251 | 87 | 23 |
461 | Her tinder said vegan, she's still transitioning. | 1.3682 | 0.04054 | 220 | 153 | 53 | 14 |
462 | Put it on the King's tab. | 1.3677 | 0.03341 | 359 | 257 | 72 | 30 |
463 | I don't know that I'd call it 'great.' | 1.3677 | 0.03223 | 359 | 252 | 82 | 25 |
464 | If all the king's men should call, I'm not here. | 1.3677 | 0.03318 | 359 | 256 | 74 | 29 |
465 | Spring and summer were okay, but I had a very bad fall. | 1.3677 | 0.03294 | 359 | 255 | 76 | 28 |
466 | Honest to God Harry, I was siiting on the wall and all I said was "Eggs Matter Too" | 1.3672 | 0.03374 | 354 | 254 | 70 | 30 |
467 | These days I stay away from the top shelf. | 1.3669 | 0.03330 | 357 | 255 | 73 | 29 |
468 | Full disclosure, I'm not that stable on stools, either. | 1.3669 | 0.03110 | 357 | 246 | 91 | 20 |
469 | They kept calling me Benedict... | 1.3669 | 0.03423 | 357 | 259 | 65 | 33 |
470 | I don't get it, you'd think that if I could sit on a bar stool, I could sit on a wall. | 1.3669 | 0.03469 | 357 | 261 | 61 | 35 |
471 | What makes you think I tip a lot? | 1.3669 | 0.03210 | 357 | 250 | 83 | 24 |
472 | To top it all off my cholesterol is through the roof! | 1.3669 | 0.03234 | 357 | 251 | 81 | 25 |
473 | For a minute there I though it was all ova. | 1.3665 | 0.03504 | 352 | 258 | 59 | 35 |
474 | I was in a Chinese restaurant. Of course I said yes to an egg roll. | 1.3665 | 0.03314 | 352 | 250 | 75 | 27 |
475 | If a king's horse ever offers to put you together again, pass. | 1.3655 | 0.03406 | 342 | 245 | 69 | 28 |
476 | My insurance covers the yolk, but not the shell. | 1.3652 | 0.03816 | 282 | 204 | 53 | 25 |
477 | I think it’s finally time that I face my white fragility | 1.3649 | 0.03413 | 348 | 251 | 67 | 30 |
478 | It’s tough being a nest egg in this economy. | 1.3649 | 0.03461 | 348 | 253 | 63 | 32 |
479 | I've got to get myself together. | 1.3649 | 0.03289 | 348 | 248 | 74 | 26 |
480 | Make it a double; I’m still shell shocked. | 1.3649 | 0.03437 | 348 | 252 | 65 | 31 |
481 | You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a bar that serves breakfast all day. | 1.3649 | 0.03389 | 348 | 250 | 69 | 29 |
482 | Over easy, my ass. | 1.3642 | 0.03499 | 346 | 253 | 60 | 33 |
483 | All I said to her was “You crack me up!!” I didn’t mean it literally!!! | 1.3642 | 0.03402 | 346 | 249 | 68 | 29 |
484 | And of course my insurance denied the claim for the King’s horses. | 1.3634 | 0.03314 | 344 | 244 | 75 | 25 |
485 | On second thought, I better not—I’ve been having some balance issues. | 1.3634 | 0.03130 | 344 | 237 | 89 | 18 |
486 | What was I supposed to do? They called my mother a big chicken. | 1.3634 | 0.03415 | 344 | 248 | 67 | 29 |
487 | No, not the bourbon -- I'm a scotch egg | 1.3634 | 0.03390 | 344 | 247 | 69 | 28 |
488 | ...and the irony is, I actually voted to build that wall. | 1.3634 | 0.03314 | 344 | 244 | 75 | 25 |
489 | Sit on the wall" they said. "What could happen?" they said | 1.3631 | 0.03336 | 325 | 228 | 76 | 21 |
490 | No, this time it was a wagon. | 1.3626 | 0.03378 | 342 | 245 | 70 | 27 |
491 | I misunderstood when they said they wanted me for brunch. | 1.3626 | 0.03527 | 342 | 251 | 58 | 33 |
492 | Falling off the wagon’s not the worst thing I’ve done lately. | 1.3626 | 0.03378 | 342 | 245 | 70 | 27 |
493 | Got in another fight with a chick saying she came first. | 1.3626 | 0.03428 | 342 | 247 | 66 | 29 |
494 | Thirsty? I'm poached. | 1.3626 | 0.03326 | 342 | 243 | 74 | 25 |
495 | Just put it on the king's tab. | 1.3626 | 0.03378 | 342 | 245 | 70 | 27 |
496 | ...so after all the men tried, the king thought he’d let the horses give it a shot. | 1.3623 | 0.03431 | 345 | 250 | 65 | 30 |
497 | Eventually, all the Queen's women figured it out. | 1.3623 | 0.03431 | 345 | 250 | 65 | 30 |
498 | They seem all peaceful, but lemme tell you, those vegans can be vicious! | 1.3623 | 0.03406 | 345 | 249 | 67 | 29 |
499 | Turns out it was the co-pay, not the fall, that would break me. | 1.3618 | 0.03206 | 340 | 237 | 83 | 20 |
500 | With the mess summer's been, I better have a great fall. | 1.3618 | 0.03416 | 340 | 245 | 67 | 28 |
501 | First the wall, then the wagon | 1.3618 | 0.03220 | 340 | 245 | 70 | 25 |
502 | Everyone wants to talk about my great fall, but nobody remembers my meteoric rise. | 1.3618 | 0.03247 | 340 | 241 | 76 | 23 |
503 | Not too much, I don''t want to get fried. | 1.3618 | 0.03206 | 340 | 237 | 83 | 20 |
504 | Personally, I'm against building the wall. | 1.3617 | 0.03811 | 282 | 205 | 52 | 25 |
505 | The horses didn't really help. | 1.3615 | 0.03369 | 343 | 246 | 70 | 27 |
506 | My therapist thinks I was coddled too much as a child. | 1.3609 | 0.03245 | 338 | 237 | 80 | 21 |
507 | I just want to get fried. | 1.3609 | 0.03378 | 338 | 242 | 70 | 26 |
508 | What moron sends horses to fix a broken egg? | 1.3609 | 0.03429 | 338 | 244 | 66 | 28 |
509 | This wouldn't have happened if some idiot hadn't built that damn wall. | 1.3609 | 0.03530 | 338 | 248 | 58 | 32 |
510 | Nah, she’s a deviled egg for sure, but I can’t get enough of her! | 1.3609 | 0.03245 | 338 | 237 | 80 | 21 |
511 | I'm just not cut out for this Free Range life | 1.3607 | 0.03357 | 341 | 244 | 71 | 26 |
512 | Well frankly the king’s horses weren’t any help. | 1.3607 | 0.03572 | 305 | 219 | 62 | 24 |
513 | And I was just beginning to break out of my shell. | 1.3601 | 0.03284 | 336 | 237 | 77 | 22 |
514 | Better make it a double - I just got laid and already I’m shell shocked! | 1.3601 | 0.03545 | 336 | 247 | 57 | 32 |
515 | A double Sam, I fell off the wagon and the wall | 1.3601 | 0.03284 | 336 | 237 | 77 | 22 |
516 | I’ll take it shaken or stirred. Just not scrambled, ok? | 1.3601 | 0.03519 | 336 | 246 | 59 | 31 |
517 | Any chance you have a shorter bar stool? | 1.3597 | 0.03557 | 303 | 217 | 63 | 23 |
518 | I fell off the wagon. | 1.3593 | 0.03430 | 334 | 241 | 66 | 27 |
519 | When she asked me if I wanted to stay for breakfast I should have known something was fishy. | 1.3593 | 0.03457 | 334 | 242 | 64 | 28 |
520 | If I fall off this bar stool, for God’s sake, don’t call the King’s horses and men. | 1.3593 | 0.03430 | 334 | 241 | 66 | 27 |
521 | I was just sitting until border patrol thought I was trying to scale it | 1.3593 | 0.03404 | 334 | 240 | 68 | 26 |
522 | I don't know whose idea it was to involve the horses. | 1.3591 | 0.03470 | 298 | 210 | 69 | 19 |
523 | He egged me on! | 1.3587 | 0.03274 | 329 | 231 | 78 | 20 |
524 | And, honestly, I think the horses did more harm than good. | 1.3587 | 0.03159 | 329 | 227 | 86 | 16 |
525 | Make it all the King's whiskey. | 1.3587 | 0.03467 | 329 | 238 | 64 | 27 |
526 | You try walking down a ramp in leather shoes. | 1.3587 | 0.03467 | 329 | 238 | 64 | 27 |
527 | Ends up all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of network. | 1.3587 | 0.03385 | 329 | 235 | 70 | 24 |
528 | I'm screwed. Pre-egg-sisting conditions. | 1.3587 | 0.03467 | 329 | 238 | 64 | 27 |
529 | You know, in hindsight, the horses may have been doing more harm than good... | 1.3584 | 0.03418 | 332 | 239 | 67 | 26 |
530 | When was the last time you got smashed? | 1.3584 | 0.03337 | 332 | 236 | 73 | 23 |
531 | I shouldn't have sat on Wall Street | 1.3584 | 0.03496 | 332 | 242 | 61 | 29 |
532 | Straight up, no rocks. | 1.3583 | 0.04454 | 187 | 133 | 41 | 13 |
533 | Turns out, horses have very little dexterity. | 1.3581 | 0.03677 | 296 | 215 | 56 | 25 |
534 | No, Humpty was my idiot brother. I was trampled by three blind mice. | 1.3578 | 0.03639 | 327 | 243 | 51 | 33 |
535 | Not whiskey, please. Actually, nothing with a whisk. | 1.3578 | 0.03343 | 327 | 232 | 73 | 22 |
536 | ...and that wasn't the worst of it. After the King's men failed and gave up, the King's horses thought they'd give it a try. | 1.3576 | 0.03377 | 330 | 236 | 70 | 24 |
537 | The world has changed so much. I just can’t pull myself together this time. | 1.3576 | 0.03431 | 330 | 238 | 66 | 26 |
538 | it was bad luck, I fell on the U.S. side | 1.3560 | 0.03398 | 323 | 231 | 69 | 23 |
539 | Turns out the chicken does come first. | 1.3560 | 0.03369 | 323 | 230 | 71 | 22 |
540 | At least the men knew what they were doing. But the horses... the horses... | 1.3560 | 0.03481 | 323 | 234 | 63 | 26 |
541 | Just pour. You’ve heard my story a thousand times. | 1.3560 | 0.03282 | 323 | 227 | 77 | 19 |
542 | I mean I knew to expect a beating at some point. | 1.3560 | 0.03340 | 323 | 228 | 73 | 21 |
543 | Feels like a good time to fall off the wagon too. | 1.3560 | 0.03454 | 323 | 233 | 65 | 25 |
544 | I thought working from home would be safer | 1.3551 | 0.03295 | 321 | 229 | 67 | 20 |
545 | The report from all the king’s men listed my injuries as “none” | 1.3551 | 0.03496 | 321 | 233 | 62 | 26 |
546 | My insurance barely covers one of the kings horses and kings men, let alone all of them. | 1.3551 | 0.03439 | 321 | 231 | 66 | 24 |
547 | They couldn't have sent paramedics instead of king's horses and king's men? | 1.3551 | 0.03382 | 321 | 229 | 70 | 22 |
548 | This will either make or break me | 1.3551 | 0.03324 | 321 | 227 | 74 | 20 |
549 | So I was just sittin' on a little wall near the White House when this clown decided he wanted to swear on his bible, and push came to shove. | 1.3551 | 0.03712 | 321 | 241 | 46 | 34 |
550 | Not too sure a shot is going to fix it Frank. I think the problem is these high stools. | 1.3551 | 0.03411 | 321 | 230 | 68 | 23 |
551 | You know, I'm starting to think that even all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put this country together again. | 1.3551 | 0.03439 | 321 | 231 | 66 | 24 |
552 | My life is such a mess and I'm not even born | 1.3551 | 0.03324 | 321 | 227 | 74 | 20 |
553 | Clumsy should be a pre-eggsisting condition | 1.3542 | 0.03307 | 319 | 225 | 75 | 19 |
554 | It was peaceful until they started arresting all the brown eggs. | 1.3542 | 0.03396 | 319 | 228 | 69 | 22 |
555 | I said to him, 'You crack me up' and he went ahead and did it. | 1.3542 | 0.03510 | 319 | 232 | 61 | 26 |
556 | Did they really expect the King's horses to help? | 1.3540 | 0.03359 | 322 | 232 | 67 | 23 |
557 | I was attacked by a family of poachers | 1.3537 | 0.03425 | 311 | 222 | 68 | 21 |
558 | Go sit on that wall and take a selfie," they told me | 1.3533 | 0.03496 | 317 | 230 | 62 | 25 |
559 | No more for me, thanks. I have a splitting headache. | 1.3533 | 0.03496 | 317 | 230 | 62 | 25 |
560 | The free-range lifestyle is not all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.3533 | 0.03320 | 317 | 224 | 74 | 19 |
561 | It’s never just over easy, is it? | 1.3532 | 0.03896 | 218 | 152 | 55 | 11 |
562 | This free range hype just isn't what it's cracked up to be. | 1.3526 | 0.04395 | 190 | 136 | 41 | 13 |
563 | The worst part is, some kid got it on video and now I'm trending on Tik Tok. | 1.3524 | 0.03510 | 315 | 229 | 61 | 25 |
564 | It was the same old argument but there were more chickens this time. | 1.3524 | 0.03539 | 315 | 230 | 59 | 26 |
565 | Thank god they couldn't find my neck. | 1.3524 | 0.03510 | 315 | 229 | 61 | 25 |
566 | Do you have nog? | 1.3524 | 0.03539 | 315 | 230 | 59 | 26 |
567 | The last thing I remember is ordering an egg roll. | 1.3524 | 0.03393 | 315 | 225 | 69 | 21 |
568 | I fell off the wagon today. | 1.3524 | 0.03510 | 315 | 229 | 60 | 25 |
569 | The girl that used to Hump-Me Dumped-Me | 1.3523 | 0.04840 | 176 | 130 | 30 | 16 |
570 | Chicken wanted to come first. This is the result. | 1.3514 | 0.03205 | 313 | 228 | 60 | 22 |
571 | Last time it was the wall, this time it's the wagon. | 1.3514 | 0.03437 | 313 | 225 | 66 | 22 |
572 | I'm lucky the paramedics got to me before the King's Men. | 1.3514 | 0.03221 | 313 | 218 | 80 | 15 |
573 | My girlfriend dropped me. | 1.3514 | 0.03315 | 313 | 221 | 74 | 18 |
574 | You’re not supposed to serve anyone who’s already smashed — | 1.3514 | 0.03407 | 313 | 224 | 68 | 21 |
575 | Forget the King's horses and men, it was the King's women who put me back together again! | 1.3513 | 0.03827 | 279 | 206 | 48 | 25 |
576 | Humpty. I just go by Humpty now. | 1.3506 | 0.03286 | 308 | 216 | 76 | 16 |
577 | I’ve fallen on hard times | 1.3506 | 0.03594 | 308 | 226 | 56 | 26 |
578 | All the king's horses and all the king's men have absolutely no medical credentials. | 1.3506 | 0.03413 | 308 | 220 | 68 | 20 |
579 | Mexico will pay for it | 1.3506 | 0.03505 | 308 | 223 | 62 | 23 |
580 | And then he sent his horses to try to put me back together again. His HORSES. | 1.3506 | 0.03413 | 308 | 220 | 68 | 20 |
581 | Fun fact: Horses don't have opposable thumbs. | 1.3506 | 0.04129 | 231 | 169 | 43 | 19 |
582 | I was just sitting on a wall at the 'white eggs matter' rally. | 1.3506 | 0.03564 | 308 | 225 | 58 | 25 |
583 | Pour me one for poor Humpty. He didn't make it back at all. | 1.3506 | 0.03444 | 308 | 221 | 66 | 21 |
584 | Pleez. . . no wise cracks | 1.3506 | 0.03564 | 308 | 225 | 58 | 25 |
585 | ...and now they say it's a pre-existing condition! | 1.3506 | 0.03535 | 308 | 224 | 60 | 24 |
586 | It’s all great right up to “Go ahead, we’ll catch you”! | 1.3506 | 0.03413 | 308 | 220 | 68 | 20 |
587 | Leave the bottle: I plan to get pickled. | 1.3506 | 0.03681 | 308 | 229 | 50 | 29 |
588 | Over easy, please. | 1.3505 | 0.03510 | 311 | 226 | 61 | 24 |
589 | The horses were a terrible idea. | 1.3505 | 0.03420 | 311 | 222 | 67 | 21 |
590 | Fell off a wall? That's Fake News. It was all the king's horses." | 1.3505 | 0.03359 | 311 | 221 | 71 | 19 |
591 | All I said was there are no eggs in egg creams. | 1.3500 | 0.04791 | 160 | 115 | 34 | 11 |
592 | I kept saying to them “un euof is un euof!!” | 1.3497 | 0.03549 | 306 | 223 | 59 | 24 |
593 | Off the wall, off the wagon, what's the difference? | 1.3497 | 0.03639 | 306 | 226 | 53 | 27 |
594 | Why did my mother cross the road? | 1.3497 | 0.03609 | 306 | 225 | 55 | 26 |
595 | The craziest part is when I woke up, there was a horse trying to glue me back together. | 1.3495 | 0.03373 | 309 | 220 | 70 | 19 |
596 | I'm telling you, the King's men are incompetent. | 1.3495 | 0.03310 | 309 | 218 | 74 | 17 |
597 | It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the horses. | 1.3495 | 0.03147 | 309 | 213 | 84 | 12 |
598 | ...and the worst part is, I’m still not fertilized! | 1.3495 | 0.03434 | 309 | 222 | 66 | 21 |
599 | Then, they let the horses try. | 1.3493 | 0.03680 | 272 | 196 | 57 | 19 |
600 | Yoga, actually. | 1.3485 | 0.03510 | 307 | 223 | 61 | 23 |
601 | Next thing I know I get a bill for $457,812! | 1.3481 | 0.03690 | 293 | 216 | 52 | 25 |
602 | Have you got something with a lot of calcium? | 1.3481 | 0.03495 | 293 | 210 | 64 | 19 |
603 | Unfortunately, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men don’t take my health insurance. | 1.3477 | 0.03518 | 302 | 219 | 61 | 22 |
604 | We are all a little broken | 1.3477 | 0.03325 | 302 | 213 | 73 | 16 |
605 | Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Humpty Dumpty drank alcohol. All the bar's whiskey, and all the bar's gin, couldn't make Humpty feel better again. | 1.3477 | 0.03641 | 302 | 223 | 53 | 26 |
606 | All I said to the chick was, “I came first”! | 1.3477 | 0.03486 | 302 | 218 | 63 | 21 |
607 | My advice? Stay away from all the king's horses, all the king's men, and the police. | 1.3477 | 0.03610 | 302 | 222 | 55 | 25 |
608 | His lawyer claims I egged him on. | 1.3477 | 0.03455 | 302 | 217 | 65 | 20 |
609 | So then I said, 'I'll sit wherever I want', and that's the last thing I remember. | 1.3477 | 0.03423 | 302 | 216 | 67 | 19 |
610 | Believe me, nursery rhymes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. | 1.3477 | 0.03325 | 302 | 213 | 73 | 16 |
611 | I'm good for it, not broke yet. | 1.3477 | 0.03455 | 302 | 217 | 65 | 20 |
612 | Fake news, I was pushed. | 1.3469 | 0.03451 | 294 | 210 | 66 | 18 |
613 | I.D.? Give me a break! | 1.3469 | 0.03551 | 294 | 213 | 60 | 21 |
614 | I love her! She cracks me up every time. | 1.3467 | 0.03595 | 300 | 220 | 56 | 24 |
615 | Tuck and roll didn't work for me. | 1.3467 | 0.03371 | 300 | 213 | 70 | 17 |
616 | I need to get plastered. | 1.3467 | 0.03437 | 300 | 215 | 66 | 19 |
617 | No more top shelf for me. | 1.3467 | 0.03501 | 300 | 217 | 62 | 21 |
618 | It's not just sticks and stones—have you been on Twitter? | 1.3467 | 0.03437 | 300 | 215 | 66 | 19 |
619 | Is it normal to feel broken after getting laid? | 1.3467 | 0.03437 | 300 | 215 | 66 | 19 |
620 | And when I came to, all I could hear was someone reciting some stupid poem. | 1.3467 | 0.03687 | 300 | 223 | 50 | 27 |
621 | It was a cooking class... they were making mayonnaise. | 1.3467 | 0.03404 | 300 | 214 | 68 | 18 |
622 | Cut me off before I get fall-down drunk. | 1.3467 | 0.03626 | 300 | 221 | 54 | 25 |
623 | They kept passing me along from spoon to spoon and then let their nasty kids roll me through the grass..." | 1.3467 | 0.03564 | 300 | 219 | 58 | 23 |
624 | Six feet he says, schooch over he says... | 1.3465 | 0.03508 | 303 | 220 | 61 | 22 |
625 | Yes, I work on Wall Street. What's your point? | 1.3465 | 0.03381 | 303 | 216 | 69 | 18 |
626 | Make that a double . . . no, wait, make it a dozen. | 1.3456 | 0.03351 | 298 | 211 | 71 | 16 |
627 | Yes, I’ve fallen off the wagon. | 1.3456 | 0.03451 | 298 | 214 | 65 | 19 |
628 | Those horses...they came out of nowhere! | 1.3447 | 0.03318 | 293 | 206 | 73 | 14 |
629 | and now I'm just tryin' not to get fried in this pan-demic | 1.3446 | 0.03432 | 296 | 212 | 66 | 18 |
630 | There was a dozen of us. | 1.3446 | 0.03531 | 296 | 215 | 60 | 21 |
631 | Actually they did put me back together again.....then this happened from seeing the medical bill | 1.3436 | 0.03604 | 291 | 213 | 56 | 22 |
632 | And all the king’s horses just stood there and neighed. | 1.3436 | 0.03470 | 291 | 209 | 64 | 18 |
633 | Ya, I'm 21. 21 pieces. Pour the goddamn drink. | 1.3436 | 0.03734 | 291 | 217 | 48 | 26 |
634 | Make that a double shot of Elmer's! | 1.3436 | 0.03571 | 291 | 212 | 58 | 21 |
635 | No, not great. I fell off the wagon. | 1.3436 | 0.03401 | 291 | 207 | 68 | 16 |
636 | Neat. Don't even mention rocks!! | 1.3436 | 0.03538 | 291 | 211 | 60 | 20 |
637 | I didn’t fall off the wall. I walked around the end of it and tripped on a rock. | 1.3436 | 0.03702 | 291 | 216 | 50 | 25 |
638 | I swear if that's eggnog....." | 1.3436 | 0.03538 | 291 | 211 | 60 | 20 |
639 | All I said to her was 'Hey, Baby. Let's make an omelette together'. | 1.3436 | 0.03571 | 291 | 212 | 58 | 21 |
640 | It wasn't my two-handed drinking, it was my slippery leather soles. | 1.3436 | 0.03702 | 291 | 216 | 50 | 25 |
641 | I know, I know...I had a great fall. Just keep pouring. | 1.3436 | 0.03366 | 291 | 206 | 70 | 15 |
642 | Summer was good but then I had a bad fall. | 1.3436 | 0.03538 | 291 | 211 | 60 | 20 |
643 | I guess he found it œuf-fensive | 1.3436 | 0.03571 | 291 | 212 | 58 | 21 |
644 | I’ll never fall for that again. | 1.3435 | 0.03674 | 294 | 218 | 51 | 25 |
645 | Well... it's like an intense pecking... but from the inside! | 1.3435 | 0.03562 | 294 | 217 | 54 | 23 |
646 | It was all going so well until the horses started helping. | 1.3435 | 0.03480 | 294 | 212 | 63 | 19 |
647 | At least my Covid test came back negative | 1.3426 | 0.03587 | 289 | 211 | 57 | 21 |
648 | ... and i said 'all right, chicken, let's settle this matter once and for all'. | 1.3426 | 0.03485 | 289 | 208 | 63 | 18 |
649 | I tell ya, this cage free trend is no picnic. | 1.3426 | 0.03620 | 289 | 212 | 55 | 22 |
650 | Well, I kept egging him on. | 1.3426 | 0.03485 | 289 | 208 | 63 | 18 |
651 | Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. | 1.3426 | 0.03783 | 289 | 217 | 45 | 27 |
652 | No joke, she said, this one will really crack you up. | 1.3426 | 0.03450 | 289 | 207 | 65 | 17 |
653 | Do I have egg on my face? | 1.3426 | 0.03653 | 289 | 213 | 53 | 23 |
654 | Being hard boiled has its advantages after all. | 1.3426 | 0.03380 | 289 | 205 | 69 | 15 |
655 | So, I figure I might as well fall off the wagon too. | 1.3426 | 0.03553 | 289 | 210 | 59 | 20 |
656 | Sorry, we don’t serve food here. | 1.3426 | 0.03783 | 289 | 217 | 45 | 27 |
657 | I mean, have YOU seen a horse put an egg back together again? | 1.3425 | 0.03594 | 292 | 214 | 56 | 22 |
658 | Actually, it was the damned ramp going down from the wall that got me. | 1.3425 | 0.03627 | 292 | 215 | 54 | 23 |
659 | Fortunately, one of the king's men had superglue. | 1.3425 | 0.03528 | 292 | 212 | 60 | 20 |
660 | I hate Easter. | 1.3425 | 0.03691 | 292 | 217 | 50 | 25 |
661 | Who the hell asks horses to try to put an egg back together again? | 1.3415 | 0.03595 | 284 | 207 | 57 | 20 |
662 | No , you’re thinking of my cousin. I just went to a Trump rally. | 1.3415 | 0.03560 | 284 | 206 | 59 | 19 |
663 | I wasn't wearing a mask. | 1.3415 | 0.03653 | 287 | 211 | 46 | 23 |
664 | I’d tell you about it, but I’m saving it for my book. | 1.3405 | 0.03673 | 279 | 205 | 53 | 21 |
665 | I feel empty inside | 1.3404 | 0.03515 | 285 | 206 | 61 | 18 |
666 | I should have known that Trump's wall wouldn't be worth a damn. | 1.3404 | 0.03550 | 285 | 207 | 59 | 19 |
667 | Tear down the Wall" they said. Coulda looked up first | 1.3404 | 0.03619 | 285 | 209 | 55 | 21 |
668 | It wasn't a "great" fall but PR saw an opportunity and ran with it | 1.3404 | 0.03550 | 285 | 207 | 59 | 19 |
669 | To be honest, all the Kings horses made things worse | 1.3403 | 0.03348 | 288 | 204 | 70 | 14 |
670 | Make it a triple. I wanna get smashed all over again" | 1.3401 | 0.04384 | 197 | 145 | 37 | 15 |
671 | I had a great winter, spring, and summer, but then ... | 1.3401 | 0.04264 | 197 | 143 | 41 | 13 |
672 | And ever since I’ve just been a shell of my former self. | 1.3392 | 0.03635 | 283 | 208 | 54 | 21 |
673 | Make it neat. I had a bad experience on the rocks. | 1.3392 | 0.03422 | 283 | 202 | 66 | 15 |
674 | ....and then I found out that only some of the King's horses and none of the King's men were actually in network | 1.3392 | 0.03494 | 283 | 204 | 62 | 17 |
675 | Put it on Mexico’s tab. | 1.3392 | 0.03770 | 283 | 212 | 46 | 25 |
676 | Make it a stiff one. I know this looks like a funny situation but the editors are only going to pick a dumb play on words for a caption. | 1.3392 | 0.03565 | 283 | 209 | 54 | 20 |
677 | And we are only 6 months into 2020 | 1.3381 | 0.03581 | 281 | 205 | 57 | 19 |
678 | Yeah I’ve had an awful time of it. Fell off a wall then I walked into a bar. | 1.3381 | 0.03545 | 281 | 204 | 59 | 18 |
679 | I’m anti-wall. | 1.3381 | 0.03545 | 281 | 204 | 59 | 18 |
680 | There's no sunny side to being a good egg. | 1.3381 | 0.03616 | 281 | 206 | 55 | 20 |
681 | I coulda' been a U.S. grade AA. | 1.3381 | 0.03545 | 281 | 204 | 59 | 18 |
682 | The men were doing just fine until the horses showed up. | 1.3381 | 0.03581 | 281 | 205 | 57 | 19 |
683 | So, I’m hereby withdrawing my support for “Build the Wall” | 1.3381 | 0.03545 | 281 | 209 | 51 | 21 |
684 | He just kept coming at me with the one-liners, even when I begged, "Please stop, you're cracking me up!" | 1.3381 | 0.03581 | 281 | 205 | 57 | 19 |
685 | I didn’t fall. I was pushed. And all for a stupid photo-op. | 1.3381 | 0.03651 | 281 | 207 | 53 | 21 |
686 | No, off the wagon. | 1.3381 | 0.03342 | 281 | 204 | 58 | 17 |
687 | Let’s see if all the king’s tequila can do any better. | 1.3380 | 0.03519 | 284 | 206 | 60 | 18 |
688 | Turns out they were right, you CAN’T make an omelette without breaking an egg | 1.3370 | 0.03475 | 276 | 198 | 63 | 15 |
689 | To make a long story short, I had a great fall. | 1.3370 | 0.03696 | 276 | 204 | 51 | 21 |
690 | Only a sadist would say it was a 'great fall' | 1.3370 | 0.03696 | 276 | 203 | 51 | 21 |
691 | So he said, “Come on down, I know a great place to sit, very stable, and with great views of Mexico.” | 1.3370 | 0.03801 | 276 | 207 | 45 | 24 |
692 | Defund the king's horses. Period. | 1.3370 | 0.03587 | 276 | 201 | 57 | 18 |
693 | I thought working for a juggler would be fun. | 1.3370 | 0.03624 | 276 | 202 | 55 | 19 |
694 | It's not too bad, but I am a little shell shocked. | 1.3370 | 0.03550 | 276 | 200 | 59 | 17 |
695 | No. I don’t care for a Harvey Wall-banger | 1.3370 | 0.03660 | 276 | 203 | 53 | 20 |
696 | so,yeah - not a good idea to bring up my safety concerns about walls at a MAGA rally | 1.3370 | 0.03660 | 276 | 203 | 53 | 20 |
697 | I told them I couldn’t wear a mask on account of I’ve got no ears, but they wouldn’t listen. | 1.3370 | 0.03731 | 276 | 205 | 49 | 22 |
698 | You're sure a shot of bleach will help? | 1.3370 | 0.03870 | 276 | 209 | 41 | 26 |
699 | Why do people assume that the king's horses and men know what they're doing? | 1.3370 | 0.03696 | 276 | 204 | 51 | 21 |
700 | Give me a wallbanger | 1.3370 | 0.03587 | 276 | 201 | 57 | 18 |
701 | All the king’s horses and all the king’s men were in quarantine. | 1.3369 | 0.03561 | 279 | 203 | 58 | 18 |
702 | This was no fairy tale. | 1.3369 | 0.03450 | 279 | 200 | 64 | 15 |
703 | Bad lay? | 1.3369 | 0.03873 | 279 | 212 | 40 | 27 |
704 | . . . and now I've fallen off the wagon. | 1.3369 | 0.03597 | 279 | 204 | 56 | 19 |
705 | The worst part is I can’t get that nursery rhyme out of my head. | 1.3369 | 0.03737 | 279 | 208 | 48 | 23 |
706 | Fortunately, the Border Protection guy had some Crazy Glue on him. | 1.3369 | 0.03772 | 279 | 209 | 46 | 24 |
707 | I definitely have learned to rely on the medical experts and not the king and his men and horses | 1.3369 | 0.03632 | 279 | 205 | 54 | 20 |
708 | Have a great fall," they all tell me! I'll be lucky to make it through July! | 1.3369 | 0.03772 | 279 | 209 | 46 | 24 |
709 | No, that's enough. That's why I fell the first time. | 1.3369 | 0.03561 | 279 | 203 | 58 | 18 |
710 | Chickens, huh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. | 1.3346 | 0.03864 | 266 | 200 | 43 | 23 |
711 | It has rhyme, but lacks reason... | 1.3346 | 0.03752 | 266 | 197 | 49 | 20 |
712 | No, I wasn't making a "yolk," I'm Swedish. | 1.3346 | 0.03900 | 266 | 201 | 41 | 24 |
713 | Brown, white! We are all eggs! We all have the same yolk inside! | 1.3346 | 0.03597 | 266 | 193 | 57 | 16 |
714 | Why, yes, I do work on Wall St. How did you guess? | 1.3346 | 0.03570 | 269 | 195 | 58 | 16 |
715 | Oh, she broke more than just my heart | 1.3346 | 0.03466 | 272 | 195 | 63 | 14 |
716 | All the King's men, and no universal healthcare. | 1.3346 | 0.03766 | 272 | 203 | 47 | 22 |
717 | Have you ever seen a horse try to put something back together? | 1.3346 | 0.03582 | 272 | 198 | 57 | 17 |
718 | It started off as a sunny side up kind of day but it ended over hard. | 1.3346 | 0.03873 | 272 | 206 | 41 | 25 |
719 | Do you have a lower barstool? | 1.3333 | 0.03748 | 246 | 179 | 52 | 15 |
720 | All the king's men were helping, but then all the horses arrived. | 1.3333 | 0.03520 | 270 | 195 | 60 | 15 |
721 | When someone says, ‘You crack me up!’ Believe them the first time. | 1.3333 | 0.03790 | 273 | 205 | 45 | 23 |
722 | She told me I wasn’t all I’m cracked up to be | 1.3321 | 0.03662 | 271 | 200 | 52 | 19 |
723 | If I fall off my stool, please don’t let any of the king’s horses near me. | 1.3321 | 0.03470 | 271 | 195 | 62 | 14 |
724 | I just wanna get fried. | 1.3321 | 0.03662 | 271 | 200 | 52 | 19 |
725 | I’m telling you straight man. I was this close to becoming a shell of my former self. | 1.3321 | 0.03662 | 271 | 200 | 52 | 19 |
726 | ...and so I told the chicken 'Eggs first!... | 1.3321 | 0.03839 | 268 | 202 | 43 | 23 |
727 | No more for me, Sam. I think I hit the wall. | 1.3321 | 0.03728 | 268 | 199 | 49 | 20 |
728 | Anyways.. enough about my problems. How was your day? | 1.3321 | 0.03728 | 268 | 199 | 49 | 20 |
729 | So I told him he needed to put on a mask... | 1.3321 | 0.03690 | 268 | 198 | 51 | 19 |
730 | Please, not another wallbanger | 1.3321 | 0.03536 | 268 | 194 | 59 | 15 |
731 | So I told him, ‘sure, I’ll take a crack at it..’ | 1.3321 | 0.03496 | 268 | 193 | 61 | 14 |
732 | If anyone asks, I fell off a wall. | 1.3321 | 0.03476 | 268 | 200 | 50 | 18 |
733 | Smoke canisters and rubber bullets; All I wanted to do was to sit on my wall in Lafayette park. | 1.3321 | 0.03802 | 268 | 201 | 45 | 22 |
734 | It's a hell of a job. Every time some kid recites the rhyme... | 1.3321 | 0.03728 | 268 | 199 | 49 | 20 |
735 | I wish they'd never built that damn wall. | 1.3321 | 0.03765 | 268 | 200 | 47 | 21 |
736 | Their hooves were the worst part. | 1.3320 | 0.03923 | 253 | 190 | 42 | 21 |
737 | Never quote Kant in a street confrontation. | 1.3316 | 0.04443 | 196 | 147 | 33 | 16 |
738 | Another tough day on Wall Street | 1.3309 | 0.03679 | 269 | 199 | 51 | 19 |
739 | It didn't even occur to them to send for the king's doctor. | 1.3309 | 0.03641 | 269 | 198 | 53 | 18 |
740 | Maybe the King’s Gin will have better luck. | 1.3308 | 0.03707 | 266 | 197 | 50 | 19 |
741 | Today was the day I finally cracked. | 1.3308 | 0.03707 | 266 | 197 | 50 | 19 |
742 | And I *still* haven't met my deductible. | 1.3308 | 0.03591 | 266 | 194 | 56 | 16 |
743 | It's been a rough spring and summer, but the doctor says I'll have a great fall. | 1.3308 | 0.03511 | 266 | 192 | 60 | 14 |
744 | House whiskey is fine. I’m terrified of the top shelf. | 1.3308 | 0.03745 | 266 | 197 | 48 | 20 |
745 | Do you ever think life isn't what it's all cracked up to be? | 1.3308 | 0.03470 | 266 | 193 | 59 | 14 |
746 | I was nearly beaten up. | 1.3308 | 0.03707 | 266 | 197 | 50 | 19 |
747 | ALL THE KING'S MEN KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MEDICINE | 1.3308 | 0.03894 | 266 | 202 | 40 | 24 |
748 | I just think the king needs better men. | 1.3308 | 0.03408 | 266 | 197 | 53 | 16 |
749 | Let me tell you from personal experience, horses and men know nothing about first aid. | 1.3308 | 0.03511 | 266 | 192 | 60 | 14 |
750 | And then I asked, "Whose moronic idea was it to build this wall in the first place?" | 1.3308 | 0.03591 | 266 | 194 | 56 | 16 |
751 | Stirred, definitely not shaken. | 1.3308 | 0.03820 | 266 | 200 | 44 | 22 |
752 | New girlfriend. Athletic type. Into rock climbing. You can guess the rest. | 1.3308 | 0.03630 | 266 | 195 | 54 | 17 |
753 | So, yeah. White fragility is real. | 1.3308 | 0.03591 | 266 | 194 | 56 | 16 |
754 | I picked the wrong one to hump and dump. | 1.3308 | 0.03857 | 266 | 201 | 42 | 23 |
755 | Honestly, the King’s horses weren’t much help. | 1.3308 | 0.03551 | 266 | 193 | 58 | 15 |
756 | He said Mexico would pay for my medical bills. | 1.3308 | 0.03783 | 266 | 199 | 46 | 21 |
757 | All I remember was calling Mother Goose a sweet old broad. | 1.3308 | 0.03470 | 266 | 191 | 62 | 13 |
758 | Off the wall, off the wagon, at least I’m out of the frying pan. | 1.3308 | 0.03618 | 263 | 192 | 55 | 16 |
759 | What the hell did the king expect the horses to do? | 1.3308 | 0.03814 | 263 | 197 | 45 | 21 |
760 | Thank you, it's not easy to find a bar that serves pickled eggs these days | 1.3308 | 0.03737 | 263 | 195 | 49 | 19 |
761 | But I've always thought of myself as a good egg! | 1.3308 | 0.03658 | 263 | 193 | 53 | 17 |
762 | Then, after the statues, they came for the oval office workers. | 1.3308 | 0.03658 | 263 | 193 | 53 | 17 |
763 | I have no idea what the horses were supposed to be doing there. | 1.3308 | 0.03578 | 263 | 191 | 57 | 15 |
764 | King's horses, with a $500 copay. | 1.3308 | 0.03658 | 263 | 193 | 53 | 17 |
765 | I crack easily under pressure. | 1.3308 | 0.03618 | 263 | 192 | 55 | 16 |
766 | ... so, all I said to him was, "Shouldn't you be wearing a mask?" | 1.3308 | 0.03578 | 263 | 191 | 57 | 15 |
767 | What were they thinking? Horses don’t have hands! | 1.3306 | 0.04005 | 242 | 182 | 40 | 20 |
768 | Let me tell ya, 2020’s not all it’s cracked up to be! | 1.3295 | 0.03794 | 261 | 195 | 46 | 20 |
769 | I’ve fallen off the wagon this time, Joe. | 1.3295 | 0.03832 | 261 | 196 | 44 | 21 |
770 | ‘Everyone keeps telling me that I should stop this silly, orange bird from pecking it’s way out but every time it tweets, it’s crazier and crazier and I just can’t help myself...’ | 1.3295 | 0.03755 | 261 | 194 | 48 | 19 |
771 | It wasn't that bad until the King's men showed up. | 1.3295 | 0.03675 | 261 | 191 | 52 | 17 |
772 | Frankly, I only think the horses made things worse. | 1.3295 | 0.03755 | 261 | 194 | 48 | 19 |
773 | Apparently you can break an egg without making an omelet. | 1.3295 | 0.03594 | 261 | 190 | 56 | 15 |
774 | Today has not gone over easy. | 1.3295 | 0.03635 | 261 | 191 | 54 | 16 |
775 | I keep having this dream that I'm falling... | 1.3295 | 0.03675 | 261 | 192 | 52 | 17 |
776 | My crime? Wall-sitting while ovoid! That was my crime! | 1.3295 | 0.03594 | 261 | 190 | 56 | 15 |
777 | 'Give me a break,' I told her. | 1.3295 | 0.03832 | 261 | 196 | 44 | 21 |
778 | I was fine until the horses showed up! | 1.3295 | 0.03755 | 261 | 194 | 48 | 19 |
779 | Most of these injuries were actually caused by a horse trying to put on the band-aids. | 1.3295 | 0.03553 | 261 | 189 | 58 | 14 |
780 | Ya know Harry, I feel like I'm just a shell of the egg I used to be. | 1.3295 | 0.03635 | 261 | 191 | 54 | 16 |
781 | All I did was sit on his wall and then the Feds arrived. | 1.3295 | 0.03755 | 261 | 194 | 48 | 19 |
782 | You know the phrase, walking on eggshells? It’s brutal, man. It’s brutal. | 1.3295 | 0.03553 | 261 | 189 | 58 | 14 |
783 | That last one really cracked me up | 1.3288 | 0.03857 | 222 | 161 | 49 | 12 |
784 | Thanks. I'm beat. | 1.3273 | 0.04722 | 165 | 123 | 30 | 12 |
785 | If I'm being honest, the king's horses just made it worse. | 1.3269 | 0.03680 | 260 | 192 | 51 | 17 |
786 | All the king's men were actually pretty helpful. The horses, not so much. | 1.3269 | 0.03386 | 260 | 185 | 65 | 10 |
787 | They said 2020 would be over easy... But now I just feel like a shell of my former self. | 1.3268 | 0.03791 | 257 | 192 | 46 | 19 |
788 | That’s what I’m trying to tell you Jimmie, they said I had an undiagnosed hairline fracture and poof - no coverage. It was a whole pre existing condition thing.... | 1.3268 | 0.04024 | 257 | 198 | 34 | 25 |
789 | One of these days I'm just gonna break, Jerry! | 1.3268 | 0.03455 | 257 | 184 | 62 | 11 |
790 | I remember when the King's men would try to help you out. | 1.3268 | 0.03710 | 257 | 190 | 50 | 17 |
791 | So as soon as I fell, I managed to scramble away. | 1.3268 | 0.03585 | 257 | 187 | 56 | 14 |
792 | I thought I'd see a surgeon in the ER,but NO!!... I get King's horses and King's men | 1.3268 | 0.03948 | 257 | 196 | 38 | 23 |
793 | Defund all the king's men | 1.3268 | 0.03751 | 257 | 191 | 48 | 18 |
794 | Whoever said a wall would keep you safe? | 1.3268 | 0.03585 | 257 | 187 | 56 | 14 |
795 | This time make it neat, I've had enough rocks for one day. | 1.3268 | 0.03669 | 257 | 189 | 52 | 16 |
796 | Just keep pouring until I'm pickled. | 1.3268 | 0.03870 | 257 | 194 | 42 | 21 |
797 | Make it a double, I fell off the wagon today. | 1.3268 | 0.03986 | 257 | 197 | 36 | 24 |
798 | Make it a double. I had a great fall. | 1.3268 | 0.03669 | 257 | 189 | 52 | 16 |
799 | No, it was a couple of EMTs from Mt. Sinai. The King's horses and men just watched. | 1.3268 | 0.03710 | 257 | 190 | 50 | 17 |
800 | Could be worse. You should see the statue of Columbus. | 1.3268 | 0.03822 | 254 | 190 | 45 | 19 |
801 | Make it a double. Actually, make it a dozen. | 1.3265 | 0.04373 | 196 | 147 | 34 | 15 |
802 | Fortunately, one of the King's Men went to medical school. | 1.3264 | 0.03777 | 242 | 178 | 49 | 15 |
803 | Being a good egg isn't all it's cracked up to be. | 1.3255 | 0.03601 | 255 | 186 | 55 | 14 |
804 | When egg beaters come after you, it’s never over easy. | 1.3255 | 0.03644 | 255 | 187 | 53 | 15 |
805 | yeah well, you try social distancing up on top of a wall | 1.3255 | 0.03644 | 255 | 187 | 53 | 15 |
806 | I’m sick of being the fall guy. | 1.3255 | 0.03644 | 255 | 187 | 53 | 15 |
807 | All The King’s Men were helpful, but the horses! Oh my god, the horses! | 1.3255 | 0.03727 | 255 | 189 | 49 | 17 |
808 | Thank God all the King’s Women were there! | 1.3241 | 0.03869 | 253 | 191 | 42 | 20 |
809 | Of course I've heard of the 12 step program, I've fallen down every one of them! | 1.3241 | 0.03660 | 253 | 186 | 52 | 15 |
810 | Last words I heard were “over easy”. | 1.3241 | 0.03909 | 253 | 192 | 40 | 21 |
811 | I think I'll move to a booth. | 1.3241 | 0.03660 | 253 | 186 | 52 | 15 |
812 | I’m not all I’m cracked up to be. | 1.3241 | 0.03869 | 253 | 191 | 42 | 20 |
813 | I did not fall; I was pushed! | 1.3240 | 0.03733 | 250 | 185 | 49 | 16 |
814 | Rough day I’m one crack away from being scrambled | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
815 | How'd you get the drink to be that frothy? | 1.3240 | 0.03942 | 250 | 189 | 39 | 21 |
816 | I got rolled. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
817 | So she says, "Well, why were you sitting on a wall?" Not exactly the point, am I right? | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
818 | She just threw me out of the nest. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
819 | ...so now I'm just trying to put myself back together again. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
820 | I shouldn’t have egged them on | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
821 | It's okay. We all fall down. | 1.3240 | 0.03733 | 250 | 185 | 49 | 16 |
822 | Please, not on the rocks. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
823 | Fall? Fall? I was pushed Dude. | 1.3240 | 0.03860 | 250 | 188 | 43 | 19 |
824 | These protests are no place for a guy with my body type. | 1.3240 | 0.03557 | 250 | 181 | 57 | 12 |
825 | I'm finally acknowledging my White fragility. | 1.3240 | 0.03511 | 250 | 180 | 59 | 11 |
826 | I mean, I appreciated all the kings horses and all the kings men but I could have really used a doctor" | 1.3240 | 0.03557 | 250 | 181 | 57 | 12 |
827 | I'm hard boiled on the inside. | 1.3240 | 0.03860 | 250 | 188 | 43 | 19 |
828 | Well, I tell ya, it didn't go over easy. | 1.3240 | 0.03602 | 250 | 182 | 55 | 13 |
829 | Never tell an introvert to break out of their shell. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
830 | I was in the waiting room at the fertility clinic when this guy attacked me. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
831 | Fortunately, one of the King's men was a plastic surgeon. | 1.3240 | 0.03776 | 250 | 186 | 47 | 17 |
832 | I actually did fall off the wagon. | 1.3240 | 0.03465 | 250 | 179 | 61 | 10 |
833 | No wise cracks please. | 1.3240 | 0.03690 | 250 | 184 | 51 | 15 |
834 | ...horses... they sent in horses, to put me back together. | 1.3239 | 0.03808 | 247 | 184 | 46 | 17 |
835 | Oeuf! What a day... | 1.3226 | 0.03794 | 248 | 185 | 46 | 17 |
836 | And then she said, "Come sit on the wall with me! It'll be fun!" | 1.3223 | 0.03769 | 242 | 179 | 48 | 15 |
837 | I didn't expect to be coddled, but, she knew I was fragile. | 1.3223 | 0.03814 | 242 | 180 | 46 | 16 |
838 | Phew, thanks bartender. I was mistaken for a peaceful protestor on my way in. | 1.3211 | 0.04025 | 246 | 189 | 35 | 22 |
839 | Turns out, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are out of network. | 1.3211 | 0.03725 | 246 | 182 | 49 | 15 |
840 | The worst part - the really unbearable part - was the horses. | 1.3211 | 0.03635 | 246 | 180 | 53 | 13 |
841 | I was just trying to get laid | 1.3211 | 0.03725 | 246 | 182 | 49 | 15 |
842 | Tom, I'm feeling white and fragile. | 1.3211 | 0.03813 | 246 | 184 | 45 | 17 |
843 | I tell ya, that cardboard container is no defense at all. | 1.3211 | 0.03813 | 246 | 184 | 45 | 17 |
844 | I knew I was in trouble when the President promised me excellent health care . . . | 1.3211 | 0.03983 | 246 | 188 | 37 | 21 |
845 | It was a minor injury until the horses tried to help. | 1.3211 | 0.03680 | 246 | 181 | 51 | 14 |
846 | I fell off a wall. Might as well fall off the wagon. | 1.3211 | 0.03899 | 246 | 186 | 41 | 19 |
847 | Don't ask. Hardboiled guys like me might crack but we don't spill our guts. | 1.3211 | 0.03769 | 246 | 183 | 47 | 16 |
848 | This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail. It was like an ice skating rink. And I said, 'General, I have a problem.' | 1.3211 | 0.04066 | 246 | 190 | 33 | 23 |
849 | I look like a hard-boiled detective, but I guess I'm just yellow inside. | 1.3211 | 0.03856 | 246 | 185 | 43 | 18 |
850 | Build the wall, they said. It’ll keep us safe, they said. | 1.3211 | 0.03856 | 246 | 185 | 43 | 18 |
851 | I guess chickens CAN fly,it's just best when they don't. | 1.3211 | 0.03635 | 246 | 180 | 53 | 13 |
852 | They talk about drinking and driving, but nothing on the safety of sitting on a wall half pissed. | 1.3211 | 0.03941 | 246 | 187 | 39 | 20 |
853 | You should see Jack and Jill. | 1.3211 | 0.03983 | 246 | 188 | 37 | 21 |
854 | I simply can't grasp the concepts of "sitting on a wall" and "having a great fall" as part of the plot for a children's tale or song. | 1.3211 | 0.03941 | 246 | 187 | 39 | 20 |
855 | Boy, do feel rotten today. | 1.3204 | 0.04154 | 206 | 154 | 38 | 14 |
856 | ...I think the horses just made it worse. | 1.3198 | 0.03800 | 247 | 185 | 45 | 17 |
857 | And just how could all of those horses have possibly helped? | 1.3198 | 0.03339 | 247 | 180 | 57 | 10 |
858 | I’ll tell ya man - I’m pretty broken up about her | 1.3197 | 0.03698 | 244 | 180 | 50 | 14 |
859 | I don't remember a THING after Easter... | 1.3197 | 0.03788 | 244 | 182 | 46 | 16 |
860 | I told some chicken I came first | 1.3197 | 0.03510 | 244 | 176 | 58 | 10 |
861 | and then I was beaten | 1.3197 | 0.03832 | 244 | 183 | 44 | 17 |
862 | Just when I thought 2020 couldn't get any worse... | 1.3197 | 0.03962 | 244 | 186 | 38 | 20 |
863 | I asked how to make an umlaut. She thought I said omelette and things went badly from there. | 1.3197 | 0.03788 | 244 | 182 | 46 | 16 |
864 | The recipe said to beat eggs lightly...LIGHTLY! | 1.3197 | 0.03652 | 244 | 179 | 52 | 13 |
865 | Nah, that's some other guy. I fell off the wagon, not a wall. | 1.3197 | 0.03832 | 244 | 183 | 44 | 17 |
866 | I said, "I don't need a mask," and then they jumped me. | 1.3197 | 0.03558 | 244 | 177 | 56 | 11 |
867 | Broke? This one’s on me. | 1.3197 | 0.03876 | 244 | 184 | 42 | 18 |
868 | Then, when all the king's horses arrived things really went downhill. | 1.3197 | 0.03919 | 244 | 185 | 40 | 19 |
869 | Give me a 2021 Biden, and make it a double. | 1.3197 | 0.03876 | 244 | 184 | 42 | 18 |
870 | Mom just had to cross the road. She wouldn't say why. | 1.3197 | 0.03743 | 244 | 181 | 48 | 15 |
871 | I called all the King’s horses and all the King’s men but they were working remotely. | 1.3182 | 0.03761 | 242 | 180 | 47 | 15 |
872 | The president says I fell harder on purpose. | 1.3182 | 0.03912 | 220 | 163 | 44 | 13 |
873 | Trump and his damn wall! | 1.3182 | 0.03851 | 242 | 182 | 43 | 17 |
874 | ....And then he said Mexico was going to pay for it. | 1.3182 | 0.03895 | 242 | 183 | 41 | 18 |
875 | Yes I do admit it was insensitive to yell, 'Egg lives matter!' | 1.3182 | 0.03669 | 242 | 178 | 51 | 13 |
876 | Ironically I was against the wall the whole time. | 1.3180 | 0.03793 | 239 | 178 | 46 | 15 |
877 | And then they said "You fit the description of a brown egg we had an anonymous tip about." | 1.3180 | 0.03930 | 239 | 181 | 40 | 18 |
878 | The king’s men were the ones who pushed me off. | 1.3180 | 0.03746 | 239 | 177 | 48 | 14 |
879 | King’s Men are buying. | 1.3180 | 0.03603 | 239 | 174 | 54 | 11 |
880 | Actually, make it another Wallbanger. | 1.3180 | 0.03885 | 239 | 180 | 42 | 17 |
881 | It’s really the inside that’s broken | 1.3180 | 0.03603 | 239 | 174 | 54 | 11 |
882 | On second thought, hold the rocks. | 1.3180 | 0.03930 | 239 | 181 | 40 | 18 |
883 | Some wiseguy introduced me as "TRUMPTY Dumpty"! | 1.3180 | 0.03930 | 239 | 181 | 40 | 18 |
884 | Yes, the men and horses were useless. Thank God for National Health. | 1.3180 | 0.03675 | 239 | 182 | 39 | 17 |
885 | Yeah! It was the Egg Beaters mob! | 1.3180 | 0.03839 | 239 | 179 | 44 | 16 |
886 | I'm not sure building a wall is a good idea. | 1.3180 | 0.03930 | 239 | 181 | 40 | 18 |
887 | To paraphrase Mark Twain, medical expertise of all the king's horses and all the king's men is greatly exaggerated." | 1.3178 | 0.03826 | 236 | 176 | 45 | 15 |
888 | And then they said, “Let’s let the horses try it.” | 1.3178 | 0.03778 | 236 | 175 | 47 | 14 |
889 | I’m always the fall guy. | 1.3167 | 0.04054 | 180 | 130 | 43 | 7 |
890 | How did you know my name is Humpty? | 1.3166 | 0.04000 | 199 | 146 | 43 | 10 |
891 | I think I’d better not... this stool seems awfully high. | 1.3165 | 0.03950 | 237 | 180 | 39 | 18 |
892 | The police are really cracking down now | 1.3158 | 0.04046 | 209 | 156 | 40 | 13 |
893 | Understand you have capacity requirements, but I’ve had a rough go with outdoor seating as of late | 1.3153 | 0.04185 | 222 | 171 | 32 | 19 |
894 | Easy on the egg nog Larry... | 1.3152 | 0.04533 | 165 | 123 | 32 | 10 |
895 | So I was visiting the Great Wall of China... | 1.3149 | 0.03971 | 235 | 179 | 38 | 18 |
896 | ...so then he's like, "sure, let the horses take a shot." | 1.3149 | 0.03586 | 235 | 171 | 54 | 10 |
897 | And then she said her name was Karen and she was calling the police | 1.3149 | 0.03878 | 235 | 177 | 42 | 16 |
898 | I feel there's another me trying to get out. | 1.3149 | 0.03783 | 235 | 175 | 46 | 14 |
899 | The wall doesn't really exist. Slippery ramp got me. | 1.3149 | 0.03878 | 235 | 177 | 42 | 16 |
900 | Make it a stiff one. I'm sort of shell-shocked. | 1.3149 | 0.03831 | 235 | 176 | 44 | 15 |
901 | They should've sent the Queen. | 1.3149 | 0.03971 | 235 | 179 | 38 | 18 |
902 | Sure brown eggs matter. ALL eggs matter! | 1.3149 | 0.04016 | 235 | 180 | 36 | 19 |
903 | As an egg, I should have chosen a different profession than a stunt double. | 1.3149 | 0.03686 | 235 | 173 | 50 | 12 |
904 | Do I look like I take it neat? | 1.3149 | 0.04150 | 235 | 183 | 30 | 22 |
905 | I guess it’s no secret I’ve fallen off the wagon. | 1.3149 | 0.03783 | 235 | 175 | 46 | 14 |
906 | I just found out I'm unfertilized. | 1.3149 | 0.03735 | 235 | 174 | 48 | 13 |
907 | Humpty Dumpty sat at a bar. Humpty Dumpty had lost his job, his house, and his car... | 1.3149 | 0.03783 | 235 | 175 | 46 | 14 |
908 | The fall wasn't that bad. It was those horses. | 1.3149 | 0.03535 | 235 | 170 | 56 | 9 |
909 | You think I look bad? You should have seen the chicken. | 1.3149 | 0.03878 | 235 | 177 | 42 | 16 |
910 | I tell her,"I had a great Summer." So SHE says,"Well, I hope you have a great Fall…" | 1.3149 | 0.04016 | 235 | 180 | 36 | 19 |
911 | Let’s see those egg-heads try to caption this one. | 1.3143 | 0.04502 | 175 | 132 | 31 | 12 |
912 | Actually, the horses caused most of the damage. | 1.3137 | 0.03990 | 204 | 151 | 42 | 11 |
913 | I can't fault the King's horses. They tried. | 1.3137 | 0.03929 | 204 | 153 | 40 | 11 |
914 | Is it me or is this stool wobbly? | 1.3137 | 0.03990 | 204 | 151 | 42 | 11 |
915 | I don't know what they thought the horses would do | 1.3136 | 0.03623 | 236 | 173 | 52 | 11 |
916 | I didn't mind the king's men trying to help, but why did they have to send in all those horses? | 1.3136 | 0.03573 | 236 | 172 | 54 | 10 |
917 | When they said it was called Wall Street, I should have known... | 1.3136 | 0.03573 | 236 | 172 | 54 | 10 |
918 | If you must know, I’m the President’s pollster. | 1.3136 | 0.03864 | 236 | 178 | 42 | 16 |
919 | The King's men didn't do so bad, but I don't see why they had to get the King's horses involved. | 1.3136 | 0.03672 | 236 | 174 | 50 | 12 |
920 | Until this happened, I had a fabulous view of the White House. | 1.3136 | 0.03672 | 236 | 174 | 50 | 12 |
921 | Apparently “his” wall is not as great, sturdy, nor beautiful as he told everyone | 1.3133 | 0.03898 | 233 | 176 | 41 | 16 |
922 | Pour me a drink before i chicken out | 1.3133 | 0.04038 | 233 | 179 | 35 | 19 |
923 | Maybe you should let all the queen’s women give it a try? | 1.3133 | 0.03898 | 233 | 176 | 41 | 16 |
924 | She broke up with me | 1.3133 | 0.03602 | 233 | 170 | 53 | 10 |
925 | Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, but Humpty Dumpty made last call | 1.3133 | 0.03802 | 233 | 174 | 45 | 14 |
926 | No one knows how to walk on eggshells anymore | 1.3133 | 0.03602 | 233 | 170 | 53 | 10 |
927 | They tried to crack me but I’m not one to be beaten | 1.3133 | 0.03703 | 233 | 172 | 49 | 12 |
928 | Then I told the protesters, 'It's Humpty Dumpty, not Dumpty Trumpty,' and only then did they stop hitting me. | 1.3133 | 0.04128 | 233 | 181 | 31 | 21 |
929 | ...Yea. She wants a separation. | 1.3133 | 0.03850 | 233 | 175 | 43 | 15 |
930 | Excuse me, bartender. You got some tape with that scotch? | 1.3133 | 0.03945 | 233 | 177 | 39 | 17 |
931 | You should have seen the crowd when I sat on that wall. Everyone was cheering, then someone shouted "Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall".... | 1.3133 | 0.03898 | 233 | 176 | 41 | 16 |
932 | I fell off a wall | 1.3133 | 0.04083 | 233 | 180 | 33 | 20 |
933 | Luckily I am hard boiled. | 1.3133 | 0.03898 | 233 | 175 | 41 | 16 |
934 | Since I fell off the wagon already, I'll have a double | 1.3133 | 0.03850 | 233 | 175 | 43 | 15 |
935 | I told you not to fall for her | 1.3133 | 0.03898 | 233 | 176 | 41 | 16 |
936 | I don't know how much longer I can keep defending this wall. | 1.3133 | 0.03802 | 233 | 174 | 45 | 14 |
937 | Straight up please - I've had enough rocks today. | 1.3133 | 0.03653 | 233 | 171 | 51 | 11 |
938 | They claimed it was a pre-existing condition, but I didn't fall for that. | 1.3133 | 0.03753 | 233 | 173 | 47 | 13 |
939 | Rehab couldn’t put me back together again either. | 1.3133 | 0.03945 | 233 | 177 | 39 | 17 |
940 | All the King's horses and all the King's men still couldn't tell me why he insisted on building that damn wall. | 1.3133 | 0.03945 | 233 | 177 | 39 | 17 |
941 | Make it neat, I've been on the rocks all day. | 1.3133 | 0.03898 | 233 | 176 | 41 | 16 |
942 | It wasn’t so much one great fall as it was a series of missteps... | 1.3133 | 0.03753 | 233 | 173 | 47 | 13 |
943 | Pour me a stiff one, I'm a recovering crackhead. | 1.3133 | 0.04038 | 233 | 179 | 35 | 19 |
944 | Yeah, it was a bad breakup. | 1.3133 | 0.03850 | 233 | 175 | 43 | 15 |
945 | ... I don't think I can keep myself together anymore. | 1.3133 | 0.03802 | 233 | 174 | 45 | 14 |
946 | The Wall is a causing alot of problems. | 1.3133 | 0.03945 | 233 | 177 | 39 | 17 |
947 | All the King's horses and All the King's men, and some Krazy Glue did the trick. | 1.3131 | 0.04132 | 198 | 148 | 38 | 12 |
948 | I told them I wasn’t chicken... | 1.3130 | 0.03735 | 230 | 170 | 48 | 12 |
949 | No, it was the wagon this time. | 1.3130 | 0.03785 | 230 | 171 | 46 | 13 |
950 | What's worse, I paid for the damn wall. | 1.3130 | 0.03884 | 230 | 172 | 42 | 15 |
951 | You don't understand. I literally fell off the wagon. | 1.3130 | 0.03416 | 230 | 164 | 60 | 6 |
952 | Just seltzer for me, Mack. Booze is why I climbed up on the damn wall in the first place. | 1.3130 | 0.03933 | 230 | 174 | 40 | 16 |
953 | No more drinks. You're smashed. | 1.3130 | 0.03835 | 230 | 172 | 44 | 14 |
954 | This is what it looks like when the king’s horses try to put you back together again. | 1.3130 | 0.03933 | 230 | 174 | 40 | 16 |
955 | Free range means you can get dropped anywhere. | 1.3130 | 0.03735 | 230 | 170 | 48 | 12 |
956 | Could have been much worse if I were a brown egg. | 1.3130 | 0.03632 | 230 | 167 | 52 | 10 |
957 | Seemed like a good time to fall off the wagon too. | 1.3130 | 0.03785 | 230 | 171 | 46 | 13 |
958 | Let me tell you, cage-free isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. | 1.3120 | 0.03836 | 234 | 176 | 43 | 15 |
959 | You wouldn’t happen to have a couple Eggcedrin? | 1.3120 | 0.03788 | 234 | 175 | 45 | 14 |
960 | Not a wall, it was just this damn barstool last night. | 1.3118 | 0.04434 | 170 | 127 | 33 | 10 |
961 | I said shaken, not scrambled | 1.3118 | 0.04512 | 170 | 128 | 31 | 11 |
962 | It was all about who came first" | 1.3116 | 0.04175 | 199 | 150 | 36 | 13 |
963 | I had a great fall, but this summer has really sucked so far. | 1.3114 | 0.03804 | 228 | 170 | 45 | 13 |
964 | So I'm sitting on a wall, minding my own business..." | 1.3114 | 0.03953 | 228 | 173 | 39 | 16 |
965 | Make it a double, I'm pretty broken up. | 1.3114 | 0.03953 | 228 | 173 | 39 | 16 |
966 | They're saying I fell? Fake news. | 1.3114 | 0.03804 | 228 | 170 | 45 | 13 |
967 | I made the mistake of telling my mother I came first. | 1.3114 | 0.03953 | 228 | 173 | 39 | 16 |
968 | After a few drinks they egged me on to go sit on a wall. | 1.3114 | 0.03804 | 228 | 170 | 45 | 13 |
969 | This is gonna go right through me. | 1.3114 | 0.04097 | 228 | 176 | 33 | 19 |
970 | Damn right breaking up is hard to do. Tell me something I don’t know. | 1.3114 | 0.03430 | 228 | 163 | 59 | 6 |
971 | ...You know the Muffin Man? | 1.3114 | 0.03753 | 228 | 169 | 47 | 12 |
972 | I'm OK. It's the brown eggs that really got beaten. | 1.3108 | 0.03976 | 222 | 168 | 39 | 15 |
973 | First I'm reading "White Fragility", then this happens... | 1.3108 | 0.03924 | 222 | 167 | 41 | 14 |
974 | The director was lousy. It took sixty-two takes. | 1.3108 | 0.04683 | 148 | 110 | 30 | 8 |
975 | It was a Trump rally | 1.3108 | 0.03872 | 222 | 166 | 43 | 13 |
976 | I'm tellin' ya... I'm about to crack. | 1.3108 | 0.04968 | 148 | 113 | 24 | 11 |
977 | It wasn't the fall. It was the hooves. | 1.3105 | 0.04178 | 190 | 142 | 37 | 11 |
978 | Then one of the Kings men said, 'Let the horses handle it.'" | 1.3103 | 0.04289 | 203 | 156 | 31 | 16 |
979 | All the Kings horses and all the Kings men and not a bloody paramedic among them. | 1.3103 | 0.04115 | 203 | 153 | 37 | 13 |
980 | Sure, anything but eggnog will do... | 1.3100 | 0.03739 | 229 | 170 | 47 | 12 |
981 | They didn’t call us the dirty dozen for nothing. | 1.3096 | 0.04138 | 197 | 148 | 37 | 12 |
982 | The horses were no better. | 1.3096 | 0.03946 | 197 | 145 | 42 | 9 |
983 | I told 'em the phrase is 'break a leg,' but did they listen? Nooo! | 1.3087 | 0.04113 | 230 | 178 | 31 | 20 |
984 | My doctor says it’s an inner ear thing... | 1.3080 | 0.03790 | 224 | 167 | 45 | 12 |
985 | Leave the bottle on the bar, I need to get fried. | 1.3080 | 0.03894 | 224 | 169 | 41 | 14 |
986 | Anything other than a wallbanger | 1.3080 | 0.04143 | 224 | 174 | 31 | 19 |
987 | The wall wasn't the problem. It was the ICE agents below. | 1.3080 | 0.04143 | 224 | 174 | 31 | 19 |
988 | My eleven brothers and sisters weren’t quite so lucky. | 1.3080 | 0.03790 | 224 | 167 | 45 | 12 |
989 | I’m going to need a straw... | 1.3077 | 0.03967 | 195 | 144 | 42 | 9 |
990 | The horses trying to help just made it worse. | 1.3073 | 0.04141 | 192 | 144 | 37 | 11 |
991 | Do you have a steadier stool? | 1.3073 | 0.04074 | 192 | 143 | 39 | 10 |
992 | The worst part was when the horses tried to help. | 1.3073 | 0.04334 | 192 | 147 | 31 | 14 |
993 | I’ll just need a little pick-me-up to put me back together again. | 1.3067 | 0.04380 | 163 | 121 | 34 | 8 |
994 | Sure, it was a nice gesture, but I think all the king's horses may have made things worse. | 1.3065 | 0.04089 | 186 | 138 | 39 | 9 |
995 | I fell off the wall, not the wagon. | 1.3063 | 0.04017 | 222 | 170 | 36 | 16 |
996 | I tell you, Joe, it was all I could do to hold myself together." | 1.3063 | 0.03700 | 222 | 164 | 48 | 10 |
997 | This place is vegan, right? | 1.3063 | 0.03809 | 222 | 166 | 44 | 12 |
998 | I had a great fall, but it’s been a terrible summer. | 1.3063 | 0.04068 | 222 | 171 | 34 | 17 |
999 | ...and all the kings horses only made matters worse! | 1.3063 | 0.03862 | 222 | 167 | 42 | 13 |
1000 | Thank God it was just a bar stool, Jimmy. | 1.3063 | 0.03473 | 222 | 160 | 56 | 6 |
1001 | If the King's horses call, I'm not here. | 1.3063 | 0.03809 | 222 | 166 | 44 | 12 |
1002 | Day Trader on Wall Street ... it was my dream job. | 1.3063 | 0.03700 | 222 | 164 | 48 | 10 |
1003 | Make it a double, I might as well fall off the wagon too. | 1.3063 | 0.03809 | 222 | 166 | 44 | 12 |
1004 | They put me together again, but it’ll cost me an arm and a leg. | 1.3063 | 0.04068 | 222 | 171 | 34 | 17 |
1005 | I feel like hell in an Easter basket. | 1.3063 | 0.03914 | 222 | 168 | 40 | 14 |
1006 | It was a mess. About a dozen of us were just sitting on a wall. But when a fight started, the rest of them dumped me and scrambled. | 1.3063 | 0.04117 | 222 | 172 | 32 | 18 |
1007 | Just don't let me get pickled. | 1.3063 | 0.03588 | 222 | 162 | 52 | 8 |
1008 | Well, I lost a little albumen, but my yolk's still intact. | 1.3062 | 0.04433 | 160 | 119 | 33 | 8 |
1009 | You never think it’ll be you when making that omelette analogy | 1.3059 | 0.03843 | 219 | 164 | 43 | 12 |
1010 | Humpday...was a bitch! | 1.3059 | 0.03950 | 219 | 166 | 39 | 14 |
1011 | I told the cop I was reaching for my wallet! | 1.3059 | 0.03843 | 219 | 164 | 43 | 12 |
1012 | Horrible breakup. Now we're walking on eggshells around each other. | 1.3059 | 0.04106 | 219 | 169 | 33 | 17 |
1013 | Boy, was I beaten! | 1.3059 | 0.04055 | 219 | 168 | 35 | 16 |
1014 | She Humpty dumped me, man | 1.3059 | 0.04055 | 219 | 168 | 35 | 16 |
1015 | Make it a stiff one. My heads feeling a bit scrambled. | 1.3059 | 0.03897 | 219 | 165 | 41 | 13 |
1016 | i’m just a shell of who i used to be | 1.3059 | 0.03897 | 219 | 165 | 41 | 13 |
1017 | 2020 has been rough so far, but I'm holding out for a great fall. | 1.3059 | 0.04207 | 219 | 171 | 29 | 19 |
1018 | I’m celebrating - I just met my deductible. | 1.3059 | 0.03843 | 219 | 164 | 43 | 12 |
1019 | The thing is, there was never a wall... | 1.3059 | 0.03843 | 219 | 164 | 43 | 12 |
1020 | Just a little something to get me over the hump. | 1.3059 | 0.03788 | 219 | 163 | 45 | 11 |
1021 | I had a great Spring and Summer. So I anticipated a great Fall. But this is ridiculous! | 1.3059 | 0.03788 | 219 | 163 | 45 | 11 |
1022 | Just trying to put myself back together again. | 1.3059 | 0.03843 | 219 | 164 | 43 | 12 |
1023 | I’m a shell of the man I once was. | 1.3059 | 0.03897 | 219 | 165 | 41 | 13 |
1024 | And I'm also falling off the wagon. | 1.3059 | 0.03950 | 219 | 166 | 39 | 14 |
1025 | I've recently suffered a bad break up. | 1.3059 | 0.04003 | 219 | 167 | 37 | 15 |
1026 | Some kid just rolled me in the park! | 1.3059 | 0.04055 | 219 | 168 | 35 | 16 |
1027 | Might as well fall off the wagon while I'm at it. | 1.3059 | 0.03788 | 219 | 163 | 45 | 11 |
1028 | Hey,I fell off the wall,not the wagon. | 1.3059 | 0.04157 | 219 | 170 | 31 | 18 |
1029 | I was doing fine up there till I asked some Mexicans to pay for it | 1.3059 | 0.03950 | 219 | 166 | 39 | 14 |
1030 | Yeah? Well I'm telling you it wasn't such a great fall. | 1.3059 | 0.03788 | 219 | 163 | 45 | 11 |
1031 | On the house...We were told you couldn't be put back together again. | 1.3059 | 0.04003 | 219 | 167 | 37 | 15 |
1032 | Chick trouble? | 1.3059 | 0.03732 | 219 | 162 | 47 | 10 |
1033 | What do you recommend for a splitting headache? | 1.3059 | 0.04157 | 219 | 170 | 31 | 18 |
1034 | So l came in late and she said “this will crack you up”. | 1.3059 | 0.04003 | 219 | 167 | 37 | 15 |
1035 | Do you have a shorter stool? | 1.3059 | 0.03732 | 219 | 162 | 47 | 10 |
1036 | Spring and Summer were fabulous. I wasn’t expecting such a great fall. | 1.3059 | 0.03950 | 219 | 166 | 39 | 14 |
1037 | How? Sittin’ on a wall. For a woman, of course. | 1.3059 | 0.04497 | 170 | 129 | 30 | 11 |
1038 | That wall is a disgrace. | 1.3057 | 0.04056 | 193 | 144 | 39 | 10 |
1039 | Make it a double. I just proved the second law of thermodynamics. | 1.3053 | 0.04029 | 190 | 141 | 40 | 9 |
1040 | To be blunt, the king's horses were about as useful as udders on a baseball. | 1.3053 | 0.04231 | 190 | 144 | 34 | 12 |
1041 | Great fall? Trump said it was a "perfect" fall. | 1.3052 | 0.04134 | 213 | 164 | 33 | 16 |
1042 | Who knew it was THAT wall? | 1.3052 | 0.03970 | 213 | 161 | 39 | 13 |
1043 | Let's see if the Kings Whiskey can put me back together again | 1.3048 | 0.04140 | 187 | 140 | 37 | 10 |
1044 | Personally, I’m against making falls great again. | 1.3045 | 0.03718 | 220 | 163 | 47 | 10 |
1045 | if Mrs. Dumpty calls, tell her im not here.. | 1.3045 | 0.03828 | 220 | 165 | 43 | 12 |
1046 | Then I told her I am more of a free-range egg. | 1.3045 | 0.03828 | 220 | 165 | 43 | 12 |
1047 | 'life ain't all that's it cracked up to be'! | 1.3043 | 0.04497 | 161 | 121 | 31 | 9 |
1048 | Fall off the wagon again, Humpty? | 1.3041 | 0.03971 | 217 | 165 | 38 | 14 |
1049 | My last therapist said that people fall apart all the time and that I should stop looking for sympathy. | 1.3041 | 0.04129 | 217 | 168 | 32 | 17 |
1050 | Darn vegans. | 1.3041 | 0.03917 | 217 | 164 | 40 | 13 |
1051 | Belin '89, now that was a fall! | 1.3041 | 0.04025 | 217 | 166 | 36 | 15 |
1052 | My mom got mad 'cause I said I came first! | 1.3041 | 0.04077 | 217 | 167 | 34 | 16 |
1053 | Who the hell is Humpty guy people keep mistaking me for? | 1.3041 | 0.03693 | 217 | 160 | 48 | 9 |
1054 | I don’t get it. I just asked for egg drop soup. | 1.3041 | 0.03862 | 217 | 163 | 42 | 12 |
1055 | Hey, I'm an egg. People just beat us up all the time. | 1.3041 | 0.03862 | 217 | 163 | 42 | 12 |
1056 | I’d love to know who had the bright idea to send all the king’s horses! | 1.3041 | 0.03231 | 217 | 165 | 43 | 9 |
1057 | All the kings horses and all the kings men ain’t worth a shit! | 1.3041 | 0.04181 | 217 | 169 | 30 | 18 |
1058 | Make it a double. I’ve hit the wall. | 1.3041 | 0.03807 | 217 | 162 | 44 | 11 |
1059 | Pour me something that doesn’t make me so tipsy this time. | 1.3041 | 0.04025 | 217 | 166 | 36 | 15 |
1060 | I still don't know why they thought horses were gonna be any help. | 1.3032 | 0.03981 | 188 | 139 | 41 | 8 |
1061 | Turns out all the king's horses have qualified immunity | 1.3029 | 0.04087 | 208 | 159 | 35 | 14 |
1062 | My Wife didn’t want to get back together again either | 1.3028 | 0.03621 | 218 | 160 | 50 | 8 |
1063 | That’s what I get for sitting on the fence! | 1.3023 | 0.03652 | 215 | 158 | 49 | 8 |
1064 | White fragility. Make it a double. | 1.3023 | 0.04153 | 215 | 167 | 31 | 17 |
1065 | That chicken sure got upset when I said I got here first | 1.3023 | 0.03882 | 215 | 162 | 41 | 12 |
1066 | Don't worry, I fell off the wall not the wagon. | 1.3023 | 0.03769 | 215 | 160 | 45 | 10 |
1067 | I’m sorry but we don’t serve eggs | 1.3023 | 0.04047 | 215 | 165 | 35 | 15 |
1068 | Make it a double. I've been walking on eggshells all week. | 1.3023 | 0.03882 | 215 | 162 | 41 | 12 |
1069 | Can you believe it, I call 911 and they send horses and kings men! | 1.3023 | 0.03938 | 215 | 163 | 39 | 13 |
1070 | Don't give me your "in order to make an omelet" crap. | 1.3023 | 0.03938 | 215 | 163 | 39 | 13 |
1071 | Build the wall," they said. "It'll be beautiful," they said | 1.3023 | 0.03938 | 215 | 163 | 39 | 13 |
1072 | I can't. Doc says I have to go on the wagon if I want to stay on the wall. | 1.3023 | 0.03769 | 215 | 160 | 45 | 10 |
1073 | ...not only could they NOT put me together again, but they were "out of network" so my bill is $30,000! | 1.3023 | 0.04047 | 215 | 165 | 35 | 15 |
1074 | Let’s see if I can hold my liquor | 1.3023 | 0.03711 | 215 | 159 | 47 | 9 |
1075 | It could have been so much worse, but I'm hard-boiled now. | 1.3023 | 0.03938 | 215 | 163 | 39 | 13 |
1076 | I think it's time we talk about defunding the king's men. | 1.3023 | 0.03854 | 215 | 163 | 38 | 13 |
1077 | How did I know I was supposed to wear a mask? | 1.3023 | 0.03993 | 215 | 164 | 37 | 14 |
1078 | Turns out the waiver I signed at the President's rally is quite broad. | 1.3023 | 0.04205 | 215 | 168 | 29 | 18 |
1079 | Fall off the wagon again, Mr. Dumpty? | 1.3023 | 0.04047 | 215 | 165 | 35 | 15 |
1080 | Have you ever had a run-in with a frying pan? | 1.3023 | 0.04307 | 215 | 170 | 25 | 20 |
1081 | She took 'free range' to a whole new level | 1.3023 | 0.04100 | 215 | 166 | 33 | 16 |
1082 | I was coming down a ramp, it was wet, and with leather soles, I slipped. | 1.3023 | 0.03938 | 215 | 163 | 39 | 13 |
1083 | If my summer is anything like my spring, I won't have a great fall. | 1.3023 | 0.03882 | 215 | 162 | 41 | 12 |
1084 | Never ask a chick if you got laid with her. | 1.3023 | 0.04047 | 215 | 165 | 35 | 15 |
1085 | Too soon for me to ask you if you want it on the rocks? | 1.3023 | 0.04100 | 215 | 165 | 33 | 16 |
1086 | My insurance company says I'm out of luck because of a pre-egg-sisting condition | 1.3023 | 0.04047 | 215 | 165 | 35 | 15 |
1087 | I'm going to get pickled. | 1.3023 | 0.03882 | 215 | 162 | 41 | 12 |
1088 | I may be a little cracked, but I shall ova-come." | 1.3023 | 0.03769 | 215 | 160 | 45 | 10 |
1089 | And that's when all the king's horses trampled me. | 1.3023 | 0.03882 | 215 | 162 | 41 | 12 |
1090 | I am just glad my insurance covered real doctors, because the King's men couldn't put me back together any better than their horses could. | 1.3017 | 0.04256 | 179 | 135 | 34 | 10 |
1091 | Do you have any shorter bar stools? | 1.3011 | 0.04146 | 186 | 140 | 36 | 10 |
1092 | Not in a tumbler, please. | 1.3007 | 0.04645 | 153 | 116 | 28 | 9 |
1093 | I’d still be in pieces, if the king’s women hadn’t arrived. | 1.3005 | 0.04123 | 213 | 165 | 32 | 16 |
1094 | Just pour the drink, and hold the wisecracks. | 1.3005 | 0.04069 | 213 | 164 | 34 | 15 |
1095 | First, Egg Beaters took my job. Now this. | 1.3005 | 0.03902 | 213 | 161 | 40 | 12 |
1096 | My shrink says I need a thicker skin. | 1.3005 | 0.03668 | 213 | 157 | 48 | 8 |
1097 | Lucky for me, I don't have a neck | 1.3005 | 0.03902 | 213 | 161 | 40 | 12 |
1098 | And I still don't know which one of us came first. | 1.3005 | 0.03668 | 213 | 157 | 48 | 8 |
1099 | My health plan? All the King's Horses and All the King's Men. Why do you ask? | 1.3005 | 0.04014 | 213 | 163 | 36 | 14 |
1100 | Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool He was a good egg but drank like a fool The barkeep kept warning, whenever he spoke That Humpty's next fall would be the end of his yoke | 1.3005 | 0.04177 | 213 | 166 | 30 | 17 |
1101 | Okay, one more, but if you fall off that stool again I’m cutting you off. | 1.3005 | 0.03845 | 213 | 160 | 42 | 11 |
1102 | Walls are controversial these days. | 1.3005 | 0.04014 | 213 | 163 | 36 | 14 |
1103 | Yup... All the king's men...I did not see that coming! | 1.3000 | 0.03939 | 210 | 159 | 39 | 12 |
1104 | Ran into Henny at Central Park - all I said was I think that I came first. | 1.3000 | 0.03939 | 210 | 159 | 39 | 12 |
1105 | It’s hard being a brown egg in America | 1.3000 | 0.03881 | 210 | 158 | 41 | 11 |
1106 | And then she took me break dancing | 1.3000 | 0.04053 | 210 | 161 | 35 | 14 |
1107 | I can use one, I'm falling to pieces. | 1.3000 | 0.04164 | 210 | 163 | 31 | 16 |
1108 | Well, I guess I’m not the guy I thought I was cracked up to be. | 1.3000 | 0.03996 | 210 | 160 | 37 | 13 |
1109 | No no not on the rocks!! | 1.3000 | 0.03822 | 210 | 157 | 43 | 10 |
1110 | ...all the King’s horses, all the King’s men and my entire deductible. | 1.3000 | 0.04109 | 210 | 162 | 33 | 15 |
1111 | Just between us, it wasn't that great. | 1.3000 | 0.03939 | 210 | 159 | 39 | 12 |
1112 | Turns out all the king's horses and all the king's men weren't on my provider list. | 1.3000 | 0.03939 | 210 | 159 | 39 | 12 |
1113 | I said I fell off the wall, not the wagon | 1.3000 | 0.03822 | 210 | 157 | 43 | 10 |
1114 | I mean, sure, COVID-19 and police brutality are bad and all; but am I the only one still worried about this whole ‘Wall’ thing? | 1.3000 | 0.04109 | 210 | 162 | 33 | 15 |
1115 | Who's Dumpty? I said Humpty dumped me. | 1.3000 | 0.03881 | 210 | 158 | 41 | 11 |
1116 | Who came up with the idea of an Easter Egg roll, anyway? And make it a double. | 1.3000 | 0.03822 | 210 | 157 | 43 | 10 |
1117 | I can’t stay on the wall or on the wagon. | 1.3000 | 0.03700 | 210 | 155 | 47 | 8 |
1118 | Would you believe the ER admitted the chicken before me? | 1.3000 | 0.03939 | 210 | 159 | 39 | 12 |
1119 | So I says to the guy, "You want a piece o' me?" | 1.3000 | 0.03939 | 210 | 159 | 39 | 12 |
1120 | Just sitting on a wall, minding my own business and then BAM! 2020 comes out of nowhere. | 1.2993 | 0.04961 | 147 | 114 | 22 | 11 |
1121 | Who knew vegans could be so violent. | 1.2990 | 0.04344 | 194 | 151 | 28 | 15 |
1122 | All I said was 'all lives matter. | 1.2986 | 0.04092 | 211 | 163 | 33 | 15 |
1123 | I was fine until all the horses showed up | 1.2981 | 0.03960 | 208 | 158 | 38 | 12 |
1124 | You sure you don’t want to sit at a booth? | 1.2981 | 0.04132 | 208 | 161 | 32 | 15 |
1125 | I’m still not sure why they called the horses. | 1.2981 | 0.03841 | 208 | 156 | 42 | 10 |
1126 | Everyone else gets a stunt double. But nooo, Humpty Dumpty has to be 'authentic'. Jeez. | 1.2981 | 0.03901 | 208 | 157 | 40 | 11 |
1127 | If you think doctors charge a lot, you have no idea how much it costs to see a horse. | 1.2981 | 0.04018 | 208 | 159 | 36 | 13 |
1128 | I wanna buy a round for all the king's men. They did their best. | 1.2981 | 0.03780 | 208 | 155 | 44 | 9 |
1129 | Then ok, ok, says I, the chicken did come first. | 1.2981 | 0.03960 | 208 | 158 | 38 | 12 |
1130 | I got tired of them saying I came second. | 1.2981 | 0.03901 | 208 | 157 | 40 | 11 |
1131 | The men were fine but don't get me started on the horses. | 1.2981 | 0.03718 | 208 | 154 | 46 | 8 |
1132 | No, I would not like a Harvey Wallbanger. | 1.2981 | 0.03841 | 208 | 156 | 42 | 10 |
1133 | I know I came first. But that chicken came at me faster. | 1.2967 | 0.03765 | 209 | 156 | 44 | 9 |
1134 | Humpty, you fell off the wall because you’re a fucking alcoholic. | 1.2961 | 0.04212 | 206 | 161 | 29 | 16 |
1135 | : I'm cracking up but no one's laughing. | 1.2961 | 0.04040 | 206 | 158 | 35 | 13 |
1136 | And then he said, “we will reopen by Easter, and it will be beautiful.” | 1.2961 | 0.03981 | 206 | 157 | 37 | 12 |
1137 | I’m finding it harder and harder to maintain my white fragility | 1.2961 | 0.03799 | 206 | 154 | 43 | 9 |
1138 | As falls go, it wasn't great. | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1139 | Not only that, but Mexico isn’t even going to pay for it | 1.2961 | 0.04099 | 206 | 159 | 33 | 14 |
1140 | I was sitting there, and someone yelled “scramble”! | 1.2961 | 0.04040 | 206 | 158 | 35 | 13 |
1141 | It was open-mic night at the Hen House, and it was a really tough audience. | 1.2961 | 0.03704 | 206 | 155 | 42 | 9 |
1142 | Wall? No. This time it was Egg Beaters.® | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1143 | Oh, Danny, easy pour. I don't want to get tipsy. | 1.2961 | 0.03860 | 206 | 155 | 41 | 10 |
1144 | And your only bar food is a hard-boiled what.....? | 1.2961 | 0.04212 | 206 | 161 | 29 | 16 |
1145 | They say it was a great fall, so that's something. | 1.2961 | 0.03672 | 206 | 152 | 47 | 7 |
1146 | Whose idea was it to build all these walls? | 1.2961 | 0.03860 | 206 | 155 | 41 | 10 |
1147 | Well, I've hit bottom. | 1.2961 | 0.03981 | 206 | 157 | 37 | 12 |
1148 | I said, Over easy! | 1.2961 | 0.03981 | 206 | 157 | 37 | 12 |
1149 | All the King’s vodka and all the king’s gin, might actually put me back together again. | 1.2961 | 0.03860 | 206 | 155 | 41 | 10 |
1150 | Yeah, turned out the king's women were able to get me back together. | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1151 | I need a drink, I am really cracking up over all this self isolation | 1.2961 | 0.04156 | 206 | 160 | 31 | 15 |
1152 | Nothing top-shelf, and nothing on the rocks. | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1153 | You think we’d have learned after Humpty. | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1154 | Better leave the bottle. All the king's men will be along soon. | 1.2961 | 0.04099 | 206 | 159 | 33 | 14 |
1155 | Fell off the wall, might as well fall off the wagon. | 1.2961 | 0.03736 | 206 | 153 | 45 | 8 |
1156 | And, please, spare me the 'off-the-wall' comments!" | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1157 | Truth Is, I was pushed. | 1.2961 | 0.03921 | 206 | 156 | 39 | 11 |
1158 | Obviously, Trump didn't want me sitting on his "beautiful" wall! | 1.2961 | 0.03981 | 206 | 157 | 37 | 12 |
1159 | His bio said he was a chief,turns out it was a typo. He's a chef and it quickly went downhill from there | 1.2961 | 0.03860 | 206 | 155 | 41 | 10 |
1160 | They thought I was a statue. | 1.2961 | 0.04099 | 206 | 159 | 33 | 14 |
1161 | I don't care what it says in the papers, all the king's horses and all the king's men were NOT trying to put me back together. | 1.2961 | 0.03736 | 206 | 153 | 45 | 8 |
1162 | The king's horses and men just made it worse! | 1.2961 | 0.04090 | 179 | 134 | 37 | 8 |
1163 | I got over, but it wasn’t easy. | 1.2956 | 0.03959 | 203 | 154 | 38 | 11 |
1164 | The fall -was- great. The landing, not so much. | 1.2956 | 0.03959 | 203 | 154 | 38 | 11 |
1165 | Carton accident. | 1.2956 | 0.04020 | 203 | 154 | 36 | 12 |
1166 | At that price it better put me back together again. | 1.2956 | 0.03897 | 203 | 153 | 40 | 10 |
1167 | Turns out, getting laid wasn't all its cracked up to be! | 1.2956 | 0.04198 | 203 | 158 | 30 | 15 |
1168 | 'Just a drop.' | 1.2956 | 0.03834 | 203 | 152 | 42 | 9 |
1169 | You should see the edge of the bowl! | 1.2956 | 0.03834 | 203 | 152 | 42 | 9 |
1170 | Yep, fell off the wagon again. | 1.2956 | 0.03897 | 203 | 153 | 40 | 10 |
1171 | I had to fight him...he called me a chicken. | 1.2956 | 0.04020 | 203 | 155 | 36 | 12 |
1172 | I've had my last Wallbanger. | 1.2956 | 0.03834 | 203 | 152 | 42 | 9 |
1173 | I'll have a Harvey. Hold the Wallbanger. | 1.2956 | 0.04020 | 203 | 155 | 36 | 12 |
1174 | Of course, I'm cracking up! Nobody in here is wearing a mask. | 1.2956 | 0.04313 | 203 | 160 | 26 | 17 |
1175 | There wasn't any room at the hospital so here I am. I guess the MAGA hat wasn't a good choice for at least 2 reasons. | 1.2956 | 0.04080 | 203 | 156 | 34 | 13 |
1176 | I know when I'm beaten! | 1.2956 | 0.03959 | 203 | 154 | 38 | 11 |
1177 | Can you believe they sent the cavalry and army instead of EMT's. I'm lucky I survived! | 1.2956 | 0.04080 | 203 | 156 | 34 | 13 |
1178 | My brain is scrambled. Better make it a double. | 1.2956 | 0.04140 | 203 | 157 | 32 | 14 |
1179 | Big, beautiful wall" my eye! It nearly killed me | 1.2956 | 0.03959 | 203 | 154 | 38 | 11 |
1180 | What's going on? I smell bacon frying. | 1.2956 | 0.04080 | 203 | 156 | 34 | 13 |
1181 | No. Her rooster found out. | 1.2950 | 0.03804 | 200 | 149 | 43 | 8 |
1182 | I told you.. I fell off the wall, not the wagon. | 1.2941 | 0.03818 | 204 | 153 | 42 | 9 |
1183 | Shaken, not scrambled. | 1.2935 | 0.04103 | 201 | 155 | 33 | 13 |
1184 | All I said was “Egg Lives Matter!’ | 1.2935 | 0.04042 | 201 | 154 | 35 | 12 |
1185 | Listen bud, one more fall and I'm going to have to cut you off. | 1.2935 | 0.03853 | 201 | 151 | 41 | 9 |
1186 | No place to sit on that new Trump wall | 1.2935 | 0.04103 | 201 | 155 | 33 | 13 |
1187 | Great Fall - rotten Spring. How about you? | 1.2935 | 0.04223 | 201 | 156 | 29 | 15 |
1188 | The King's men were all very helpful, but then one of the damn horses stepped on me! | 1.2935 | 0.04156 | 184 | 140 | 34 | 10 |
1189 | All the king's horses and all the king's men aren't covered by Medicare anymore. | 1.2931 | 0.04466 | 174 | 135 | 27 | 12 |
1190 | All the king’s horses and all the king’s men can go f*** themselves! | 1.2921 | 0.04393 | 178 | 138 | 28 | 12 |
1191 | And if you look at the King himself, it's not surprising that none of his men have a medical background. | 1.2921 | 0.03837 | 202 | 152 | 41 | 9 |
1192 | I can’t take anymore of this quarantine baking, Jim | 1.2915 | 0.04188 | 199 | 155 | 30 | 14 |
1193 | Spring was bad, summer was worse. I’m telling you, I’m not expecting a great fall. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1194 | I’ve been sober for two years, but today I cracked. | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1195 | Doc says it’s called white fragility | 1.2915 | 0.04065 | 199 | 153 | 34 | 12 |
1196 | I kept telling her it’s not gonna be over easy. | 1.2915 | 0.04065 | 199 | 153 | 34 | 12 |
1197 | Must be a tough time to be an academic. | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1198 | Seriously, whose idea was it to build a wall in the first place? | 1.2915 | 0.04065 | 199 | 153 | 34 | 12 |
1199 | It’s tough to be a ‘good egg’. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1200 | My memoir, A Million Little Pieces, is actually nonfiction...sadly I live it every day... | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1201 | Turns out building the wall is much tougher then sitting on it. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1202 | Make it a single. I can’t get falling-down drunk anytime soon. | 1.2915 | 0.03807 | 199 | 149 | 42 | 8 |
1203 | Skip the toast. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1204 | I finally left her yesterday. She said we could patch things up, but I'm sick and tired of being henpecked. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1205 | All the king’s bourbon and all the king’s gin Couldn’t put Humpty together again | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1206 | It’s my toughest role, playing the Constitution in Bill Barr’s Department of Justice Burlesque. | 1.2915 | 0.04366 | 199 | 158 | 24 | 17 |
1207 | Do you mind switching to a booth? You’re kind of a liability up there. | 1.2915 | 0.04248 | 199 | 156 | 28 | 15 |
1208 | It was only a small crack until all the horses showed up. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1209 | No, I don't need the King's horses or his men. What I need is a stiff drink and an Uber. | 1.2915 | 0.04248 | 199 | 156 | 28 | 15 |
1210 | There were a dozen of them... | 1.2915 | 0.03873 | 199 | 150 | 40 | 9 |
1211 | So they brought in the King's horses - -all of them, mind you. How, exactly, were they supposed to help me? | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1212 | I've had some great falls, but this has to be my favourite dive. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1213 | I thought I was one of the good eggs. | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1214 | The King's horses in particular lacked any kind of medical training. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1215 | I knew things were looking bad when they asked the horses to help. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1216 | And if things weren’t bad enough, there were these freakin’ horses... | 1.2915 | 0.04188 | 199 | 155 | 30 | 14 |
1217 | It's the co-pays that really hurt. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1218 | Give me a double shot of anything that doesn't rhyme with protest or pandemic. | 1.2915 | 0.04065 | 199 | 153 | 34 | 12 |
1219 | ...so, I said 'all eggs matter" and the next thing I know I'm getting the yolk beaten out of me. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1220 | It's gonna take more than a Screwdriver to put me back together again. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1221 | Then the king himself got involved, and suddenly it was all about how beautiful the wall was. | 1.2915 | 0.04248 | 199 | 156 | 28 | 15 |
1222 | If I hadn't been completely pickled at the time, things would have been a lot worse. | 1.2915 | 0.04065 | 199 | 153 | 34 | 12 |
1223 | I already fell off the wall, I don't want to fall off the wagon too. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1224 | Make it a triple, I've got a splitting headache | 1.2915 | 0.04065 | 199 | 153 | 34 | 12 |
1225 | And then they started shouting, Tear Down this Wall! | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1226 | Shaken, not scrambled, please. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1227 | Truth is — it was all the king's women who put me together again. | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1228 | Sam, if this day gets any worse, I'm diving head first into the nearest skillet. | 1.2915 | 0.04188 | 199 | 155 | 30 | 14 |
1229 | This day didn't go eggs-actly as planned. | 1.2915 | 0.03938 | 199 | 151 | 38 | 10 |
1230 | You think this is bad? The other guy is an omelette. | 1.2915 | 0.04127 | 199 | 154 | 32 | 13 |
1231 | It's tough being a stunt man on The Dirty Dozen. | 1.2915 | 0.04002 | 199 | 152 | 36 | 11 |
1232 | It was a split decision, but they gave it to the chicken. | 1.2915 | 0.03807 | 199 | 149 | 42 | 8 |
1233 | Maybe this time I should have that at a table. | 1.2915 | 0.03530 | 199 | 145 | 50 | 4 |
1234 | Make it a stiff one, Bob. I just got dumped really bad. | 1.2914 | 0.03976 | 175 | 130 | 39 | 6 |
1235 | That looks great but maybe this time I’ll move to a booth. | 1.2905 | 0.04722 | 148 | 114 | 25 | 9 |
1236 | All the king's horses did more harm than good. | 1.2900 | 0.03984 | 200 | 153 | 36 | 11 |
1237 | So I said to her, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs and she loses it. | 1.2900 | 0.03921 | 200 | 152 | 38 | 10 |
1238 | The king's horses didn't really seem to be trying. | 1.2900 | 0.03921 | 200 | 152 | 38 | 10 |
1239 | Think you could get any shorter stools? | 1.2900 | 0.03921 | 200 | 152 | 38 | 10 |
1240 | It's just not the same working from home, you know? | 1.2897 | 0.04786 | 145 | 112 | 24 | 9 |
1241 | Make it a stiff one. The kind that makes my whites stand up straight. | 1.2897 | 0.04476 | 145 | 109 | 30 | 6 |
1242 | Long story short, the King's horses weren’t board-certified. | 1.2897 | 0.04685 | 145 | 111 | 26 | 8 |
1243 | The king's horses were pretty useless. | 1.2895 | 0.04538 | 152 | 116 | 28 | 8 |
1244 | I better not, I'm expecting. | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1245 | Here you go, 2020. This one’s on the house. | 1.2893 | 0.04212 | 197 | 154 | 29 | 14 |
1246 | Just once I'd love to have a mediocre fall | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1247 | They told me to sit on the wall. I didn’t know I was taking the fall. | 1.2893 | 0.03826 | 197 | 148 | 41 | 8 |
1248 | Hey man I know I’m just a bartender but you should probably stop sitting on walls it’s the third time this week | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1249 | Horses? | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1250 | I checked out Trump’s Wall. | 1.2893 | 0.04333 | 197 | 156 | 25 | 16 |
1251 | Looks like the wagon isn’t the only thing you fell off today | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1252 | ... and then the doctor told me my insurance considers shell repair elective. | 1.2893 | 0.03826 | 197 | 148 | 41 | 8 |
1253 | It’s on the King’s tab. | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1254 | Days like today make me wonder if there really is a sunny side. | 1.2893 | 0.03826 | 197 | 148 | 41 | 8 |
1255 | Bartender, hit me again. | 1.2893 | 0.03826 | 197 | 148 | 41 | 8 |
1256 | My therapist says I need to put myself together again, but I just can’t do it | 1.2893 | 0.03757 | 197 | 147 | 43 | 7 |
1257 | Not too much; I’m leaky. | 1.2893 | 0.04212 | 197 | 154 | 29 | 14 |
1258 | If you think this looks bad, you should see what they did to the statue. | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1259 | I thought he was a sexy whisk. Turns out he was an egg beater. | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1260 | I wasn't looking for any trouble, but they just kept egging me on. | 1.2893 | 0.03617 | 197 | 150 | 39 | 8 |
1261 | Over easy is a lot harder than it sounds | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1262 | So...where's your mask? | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1263 | You should see the other eleven guys. | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1264 | Well, that wall wasn't a great idea, either. | 1.2893 | 0.04273 | 197 | 155 | 27 | 15 |
1265 | All I know is, I never fell like that when Obama was President. | 1.2893 | 0.04273 | 197 | 155 | 27 | 15 |
1266 | I'm really feeling shell shocked today. | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1267 | All the King's Bourbon and all the King's Gin | 1.2893 | 0.03757 | 197 | 147 | 43 | 7 |
1268 | Make it stiff, I was almost deviled. | 1.2893 | 0.03826 | 197 | 148 | 41 | 8 |
1269 | It was a fight with a chicken over who came first. | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1270 | This marriage, Johnny. It's turning me into the shell of a man I used to be. | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1271 | Might as well face it. I'll never be well-rounded. | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1272 | I'm an introvert", I said, "deal with it". I don't need to "come out of my shell", ok | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1273 | You and the chicken will never settle that argument. | 1.2893 | 0.04212 | 197 | 154 | 29 | 14 |
1274 | He said his name was Trumpy Dumpy and I was sitting on His wall | 1.2893 | 0.04333 | 197 | 156 | 25 | 16 |
1275 | The other guy yelled Dumpty Trumpty and then started hitting me." | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1276 | I was trying to get out of America. | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1277 | This one's on the house. You look like you took a beating. | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1278 | No mask and gloves? What are you trying to do to me? | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1279 | I told her she cracks me up. No time for our safe word. | 1.2893 | 0.04024 | 197 | 151 | 35 | 11 |
1280 | First Trump got elected .... | 1.2893 | 0.04024 | 197 | 151 | 35 | 11 |
1281 | Fuck Easter.. keep pouring! | 1.2893 | 0.04333 | 197 | 156 | 25 | 16 |
1282 | They said I'd be a chicken if I didn't sit on that wall. | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1283 | Give me a beer with a gorilla glue chaser - make it a triple | 1.2893 | 0.04273 | 197 | 155 | 27 | 15 |
1284 | I knew I should not have had that Harvey Wallbanger! | 1.2893 | 0.03688 | 197 | 146 | 45 | 6 |
1285 | I had a great fall but winter was pretty rough. | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1286 | Humpty Dumpty was my uncle, why do you ask? | 1.2893 | 0.04024 | 197 | 151 | 35 | 11 |
1287 | So, I'm sitting on a wall like I always do, when this border guard asks me, 'are you a Mexican egg or an American egg?' I said, 'What difference does it make?' Make that a double. | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 36 | 10 |
1288 | No, I didn’t slip off the wall, but was pushed. | 1.2893 | 0.04212 | 197 | 154 | 29 | 14 |
1289 | Listen, Chaz, be a bit more liberal on that pour, will ya? I have another peaceful protest to get to... | 1.2893 | 0.04393 | 197 | 157 | 23 | 17 |
1290 | Ya know, Lou, being a white egg isn't all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1291 | Can't a guy suggest that people wear masks at the border wall celebration without being assaulted? | 1.2893 | 0.03757 | 197 | 147 | 43 | 7 |
1292 | Keep ‘em coming until I’m pickled. | 1.2893 | 0.04024 | 197 | 151 | 35 | 11 |
1293 | And now I'm going to fall off the wagon. | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1294 | I was poached on top of the wall, when all the sudden I got a little scrambled, fell over easy, and landed feeling pretty fried. So yeah, I could use a drink. | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1295 | You gotta be hard-boiled in this town. | 1.2893 | 0.04087 | 197 | 152 | 33 | 12 |
1296 | All the King's horses and all the King's men can't put sh- together again . .. | 1.2893 | 0.04212 | 197 | 154 | 29 | 14 |
1297 | The POTUS said the wall would keep us safe! | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1298 | I'm so tired of breaking up and getting back together again. | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1299 | I just need a pick-me-up. | 1.2893 | 0.03893 | 197 | 149 | 39 | 9 |
1300 | Rough night!! She thought I was hard boiled but I told her I was a softy inside. | 1.2893 | 0.04150 | 197 | 153 | 31 | 13 |
1301 | King's horses... King's men... and a Wall... Need I say more/ | 1.2893 | 0.03959 | 197 | 150 | 37 | 10 |
1302 | Honestly, it was just an average fall. There was nothing great about it. | 1.2893 | 0.03757 | 197 | 147 | 43 | 7 |
1303 | That settled it, the chicken was first. | 1.2893 | 0.03826 | 197 | 148 | 41 | 8 |
1304 | When they said a fall on Wall Street was coming, I didn’t take it literally | 1.2887 | 0.03721 | 194 | 144 | 44 | 6 |
1305 | Are you sure that can put me back together? The king's men already tried. | 1.2887 | 0.03862 | 194 | 146 | 40 | 8 |
1306 | The king's men got furloughed, and this is the best the horses could do. | 1.2887 | 0.03862 | 194 | 146 | 40 | 8 |
1307 | Why the horses? | 1.2887 | 0.04064 | 194 | 149 | 34 | 11 |
1308 | Horses! Who sends horses to mend a broken egg? | 1.2887 | 0.04129 | 194 | 150 | 32 | 12 |
1309 | Did I mention the King's horses? | 1.2887 | 0.03862 | 194 | 146 | 40 | 8 |
1310 | So I said to the King, how about trying doctors and nurses? | 1.2887 | 0.03792 | 194 | 145 | 42 | 7 |
1311 | I’m so sick of hearing that: the horses didn’t even try to help. | 1.2887 | 0.04256 | 194 | 152 | 28 | 14 |
1312 | Turns out, all the king's horses and all the king's men were kind of useless at a simple patch up job | 1.2881 | 0.04251 | 177 | 135 | 31 | 10 |
1313 | I want to toast all the King's women who put me back together again. | 1.2881 | 0.04400 | 177 | 138 | 27 | 12 |
1314 | I should have left the nest before my mother started gaining weight | 1.2881 | 0.04472 | 177 | 139 | 25 | 13 |
1315 | I’m sure this will change the OSHA rules at the Wall... | 1.2877 | 0.04657 | 146 | 112 | 26 | 8 |
1316 | Got anything for an Eggache? | 1.2877 | 0.04856 | 146 | 114 | 22 | 10 |
1317 | So I told her, “I ain’t your nest egg, lady.” | 1.2874 | 0.04376 | 174 | 135 | 28 | 11 |
1318 | Who knew "All Eggs Matter" would be so controversial? | 1.2874 | 0.04299 | 174 | 134 | 30 | 10 |
1319 | Your sign is backwards | 1.2865 | 0.04268 | 171 | 131 | 31 | 9 |
1320 | OK, but you're headed for another fall! | 1.2865 | 0.04282 | 192 | 151 | 27 | 14 |
1321 | It's 2020. Pour a double. | 1.2865 | 0.04153 | 192 | 149 | 31 | 12 |
1322 | You might be safer sitting in a BOOTH. | 1.2857 | 0.04265 | 161 | 122 | 32 | 7 |
1323 | First it was my cholesterol, and now this. | 1.2857 | 0.04922 | 147 | 116 | 20 | 11 |
1324 | Don't believe everything you hear, they could in fact put me back together again. | 1.2850 | 0.03648 | 193 | 143 | 45 | 5 |
1325 | Humpty Dumpty had a great fall—off the wagon. | 1.2850 | 0.04134 | 193 | 150 | 31 | 12 |
1326 | yeah but actually, joe, the proper term for it these days is PTSD. | 1.2850 | 0.03794 | 193 | 145 | 41 | 7 |
1327 | Eggstentialism | 1.2850 | 0.04068 | 193 | 149 | 33 | 11 |
1328 | Jet ski accident. | 1.2850 | 0.04134 | 193 | 150 | 31 | 12 |
1329 | Anything, Harvey, except a Wallbanger. | 1.2850 | 0.04199 | 193 | 151 | 29 | 13 |
1330 | I literally fell on hard times. | 1.2850 | 0.03794 | 193 | 145 | 41 | 7 |
1331 | I'm done with free range, make it a double and call me pickled. | 1.2850 | 0.04262 | 193 | 152 | 27 | 14 |
1332 | Nog, hold the egg. | 1.2850 | 0.04325 | 193 | 153 | 25 | 15 |
1333 | Trump just HAD to build that damned wall, and I just couldn't resist... | 1.2850 | 0.04134 | 193 | 150 | 31 | 12 |
1334 | So, I tell this chicken, “Hey, lady, I got here first. Get in line.”...and the argument escalated from there. | 1.2850 | 0.04134 | 193 | 150 | 31 | 12 |
1335 | Political activism not all it's cracked up to be! | 1.2850 | 0.03933 | 193 | 147 | 37 | 9 |
1336 | But the pants did make her look like a pear | 1.2850 | 0.03864 | 193 | 146 | 39 | 8 |
1337 | I fell off again. | 1.2850 | 0.03864 | 193 | 146 | 39 | 8 |
1338 | Unfortunately, the brown egg did a whole lot worse | 1.2850 | 0.04199 | 193 | 151 | 29 | 13 |
1339 | Her opinion is the chicken comes first. | 1.2850 | 0.03933 | 193 | 147 | 37 | 9 |
1340 | You're a good friend. You never cared about my brown shell. | 1.2850 | 0.04001 | 193 | 148 | 35 | 10 |
1341 | Long live the Queen! The king's men were useless. | 1.2850 | 0.04199 | 193 | 151 | 29 | 13 |
1342 | I just feel like a shell of my old self. | 1.2850 | 0.03933 | 193 | 147 | 37 | 9 |
1343 | I can readily see your wife is an eggbeater. | 1.2850 | 0.04199 | 193 | 151 | 29 | 13 |
1344 | To tell the truth, I didn't want to be put back together" | 1.2842 | 0.03972 | 190 | 145 | 36 | 9 |
1345 | And then the horses tried to help put me back together again. Those hooves! Those HOOVES! I have nightmares over that. | 1.2842 | 0.04243 | 190 | 149 | 28 | 13 |
1346 | I was protesting and some “pro-wall” guys beat me. | 1.2842 | 0.03829 | 190 | 143 | 40 | 7 |
1347 | If I'm being honest, spring and summer haven't been great either. | 1.2842 | 0.04177 | 190 | 148 | 30 | 12 |
1348 | Sorry buddy, we don't serve scrambled eggs | 1.2842 | 0.04041 | 190 | 146 | 34 | 10 |
1349 | I was just holding a sign in front of the White House! | 1.2842 | 0.04110 | 190 | 147 | 32 | 11 |
1350 | Why would they push me? I’m a good egg! | 1.2842 | 0.03972 | 190 | 145 | 36 | 9 |
1351 | You should see the chicken. | 1.2834 | 0.04083 | 187 | 144 | 33 | 10 |
1352 | I tried to explain that I’m Humpty-Dumpty, not Trumpty-Dumpty! | 1.2834 | 0.04012 | 187 | 143 | 35 | 9 |
1353 | If anything the horses just made matters worse | 1.2834 | 0.03791 | 187 | 140 | 41 | 6 |
1354 | ‘...so there I was, at my favorite spot, on my favorite wall, er, stop me if I told you this story ...’ | 1.2834 | 0.03939 | 187 | 142 | 37 | 8 |
1355 | so if my wife calls, Moe, I fell off a wall right? | 1.2834 | 0.04289 | 187 | 147 | 27 | 13 |
1356 | All these falls and I still haven't met my deductible. | 1.2834 | 0.04012 | 187 | 142 | 35 | 9 |
1357 | Saying "all eggs matter" is more controversial than it used to be. | 1.2834 | 0.04153 | 187 | 145 | 31 | 11 |
1358 | They thought I was a monument... | 1.2834 | 0.04289 | 187 | 147 | 27 | 13 |
1359 | I tell ya, I don’t think I can do another day on Wall Street. | 1.2834 | 0.04153 | 187 | 145 | 31 | 11 |
1360 | I can't help but feel like a shell of my former self. | 1.2834 | 0.04289 | 187 | 147 | 27 | 13 |
1361 | Mistakes? I made a few. But then again, too few to mention. | 1.2834 | 0.04153 | 187 | 145 | 31 | 11 |
1362 | And another thing, WHO names there kid Humpty! | 1.2834 | 0.04221 | 187 | 146 | 29 | 12 |
1363 | I just can't get myself together. | 1.2834 | 0.04083 | 187 | 144 | 33 | 10 |
1364 | Every time I see a wall I think, this time it will be different. | 1.2834 | 0.03866 | 187 | 141 | 39 | 7 |
1365 | Sure, but the horses were no help at all. | 1.2834 | 0.03939 | 187 | 142 | 37 | 8 |
1366 | Make it double, most of it slips through my cracks. | 1.2834 | 0.04221 | 187 | 146 | 29 | 12 |
1367 | Straight up. Please not shaken, stirred or scrambled.... | 1.2834 | 0.03939 | 187 | 142 | 37 | 8 |
1368 | The worst part was when the horses started biting” | 1.2828 | 0.04864 | 145 | 114 | 21 | 10 |
1369 | Take it from me pal: sometimes you gotta make the chicken come first | 1.2828 | 0.04559 | 145 | 111 | 27 | 7 |
1370 | I fell off a bar stool. | 1.2828 | 0.04663 | 145 | 112 | 25 | 8 |
1371 | The horses weren't helpful at all. | 1.2828 | 0.04864 | 145 | 114 | 21 | 10 |
1372 | It was going pretty good until the King’s horses got involved. | 1.2819 | 0.03993 | 188 | 144 | 35 | 9 |
1373 | So glad you're open, the hospital was full. | 1.2819 | 0.03993 | 188 | 144 | 35 | 9 |
1374 | I’m telling you, it’s like the king’s men didn’t even TRY. | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1375 | The King's men did a fine job -- the horses were no help at all. | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1376 | Now that you mention it, my spring wasn’t great either! | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1377 | The horses and men were too busy writing tell-all books about the king | 1.2811 | 0.04315 | 185 | 146 | 26 | 13 |
1378 | Word of advice Mack, never let horses put you back together again. | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1379 | Why did they bring ALL the horses? | 1.2811 | 0.04177 | 185 | 144 | 30 | 11 |
1380 | Can I please get a stool with a back? | 1.2811 | 0.04034 | 185 | 142 | 34 | 9 |
1381 | Wait! That’s the reason I fell of the wall in the first place. | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1382 | The last thing I remember is telling that chicken "I came first" | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1383 | I swear I felt somebody push me | 1.2811 | 0.04034 | 185 | 142 | 34 | 9 |
1384 | And let me tell you, it was not great at all! | 1.2811 | 0.04315 | 185 | 146 | 26 | 13 |
1385 | That’s just a fairytale. | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1386 | All I can say is that I'm lucky I was hard boiled! | 1.2811 | 0.04177 | 185 | 144 | 30 | 11 |
1387 | The king's horses did this to me, but I think his men are going to try to spin the story. | 1.2811 | 0.03809 | 185 | 139 | 40 | 6 |
1388 | Trump needed the wall for a photo op | 1.2811 | 0.04247 | 185 | 145 | 28 | 12 |
1389 | I don’t know why they thought horses would help. | 1.2811 | 0.03809 | 185 | 138 | 40 | 6 |
1390 | Easy on this one Joe. That last one sent me over the wall. | 1.2811 | 0.04034 | 185 | 142 | 34 | 9 |
1391 | This stool is giving me a little déjà vu. | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1392 | The King’s horses and the King’s men are vastly overrated. | 1.2811 | 0.04034 | 185 | 142 | 34 | 9 |
1393 | Oh, why not? All the king's horses and all the king's men didn't help. | 1.2811 | 0.03960 | 185 | 141 | 36 | 8 |
1394 | And then the King outsourced putting me back together to the lowest bidder.... | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1395 | I'm afraid my salad days are over. | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1396 | It was the King's men, not the fall. | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1397 | It was a mediocre summer but a great fall, sorry bad yolk. | 1.2811 | 0.04383 | 185 | 147 | 24 | 14 |
1398 | The rest of the carton didn’t make it. | 1.2811 | 0.04177 | 185 | 144 | 30 | 11 |
1399 | Being someone’s fall guy is not all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1400 | Well, you see, I was sitting on this wall, and I had a great fall...all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put me together again, but they gave me CPR and stabilized all the vital organs, and told me to get wasted. | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1401 | Turns out it took all the king's women to put me back together again | 1.2811 | 0.04177 | 185 | 144 | 30 | 11 |
1402 | It was a good fall. Not a great one. | 1.2811 | 0.04034 | 185 | 142 | 34 | 9 |
1403 | First they came for the bacon . . . | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1404 | This stool can’t be more than, what, thirty inches? | 1.2811 | 0.04106 | 185 | 143 | 32 | 10 |
1405 | Well, the King's Horses were in-network. | 1.2811 | 0.03960 | 185 | 141 | 36 | 8 |
1406 | And then all these horses show up! | 1.2811 | 0.03885 | 185 | 140 | 38 | 7 |
1407 | It was three guys in IHOP hats. | 1.2811 | 0.04247 | 185 | 145 | 28 | 12 |
1408 | I am definitely against the wall. | 1.2807 | 0.03640 | 171 | 125 | 44 | 2 |
1409 | And I kept saying to the horses You don’t even have opposable thumbs! | 1.2804 | 0.04249 | 189 | 149 | 27 | 13 |
1410 | You wouldn't expect so many horses to know first aid. | 1.2804 | 0.04045 | 189 | 146 | 33 | 10 |
1411 | I was warned that denial and deflection wouldn’t work. | 1.2803 | 0.04412 | 157 | 121 | 28 | 8 |
1412 | Letting the horses try first certainly didn’t help the situation | 1.2796 | 0.03942 | 186 | 142 | 36 | 8 |
1413 | I know, but you should see the other eleven. | 1.2796 | 0.03867 | 186 | 141 | 38 | 7 |
1414 | You ever call a cop a good egg? | 1.2796 | 0.04086 | 186 | 144 | 32 | 10 |
1415 | One shot and a band aid. | 1.2794 | 0.04861 | 136 | 106 | 22 | 8 |
1416 | How could I wear a mask if I don’t have ears?! | 1.2792 | 0.04466 | 154 | 119 | 27 | 8 |
1417 | Did I mention I had a friend in fourth grade who was black? | 1.2792 | 0.04370 | 154 | 118 | 29 | 7 |
1418 | All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put me together again. Lets’s see how Jack, Johnny, Jim and Jameson can do. | 1.2787 | 0.04056 | 183 | 141 | 33 | 9 |
1419 | Then all the king's men ganged up on me. | 1.2787 | 0.04129 | 183 | 142 | 31 | 10 |
1420 | Humpty...I told you, avoid Trump and his wall. | 1.2787 | 0.03981 | 183 | 140 | 35 | 8 |
1421 | You think YOU’RE fractured? Welcome to America, friend. | 1.2787 | 0.03981 | 183 | 140 | 35 | 8 |
1422 | Well, I had a great spring. | 1.2787 | 0.03905 | 183 | 139 | 37 | 7 |
1423 | So, have you ever considered just "not" sitting on the wall? | 1.2787 | 0.03827 | 183 | 138 | 39 | 6 |
1424 | I had to play hard-boiled. | 1.2787 | 0.03981 | 183 | 140 | 35 | 8 |
1425 | Sitting on a wall is a young man’s game... | 1.2787 | 0.04272 | 183 | 144 | 27 | 12 |
1426 | Just one, I’m feeling a bit scrambled. | 1.2787 | 0.03827 | 183 | 138 | 39 | 6 |
1427 | I guess you go to be hard boiled to live in New York City. | 1.2787 | 0.04201 | 183 | 143 | 29 | 11 |
1428 | Well, me and my buddy, Trumpty Dumpty, we wuz workin' on this incredible, amazing wall when--we had a great fall... | 1.2787 | 0.04342 | 183 | 145 | 25 | 13 |
1429 | It wasn't the fall. The police rescued me. | 1.2787 | 0.04545 | 183 | 148 | 19 | 16 |
1430 | Make it a double, after the accident it just feels like everyone around me is walking on eggshells... | 1.2787 | 0.04056 | 183 | 141 | 33 | 9 |
1431 | Being Humpty Dumpty isn't all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2787 | 0.04056 | 183 | 141 | 33 | 9 |
1432 | I don't know what happened. Just put me back together, Bob. | 1.2787 | 0.03667 | 183 | 141 | 35 | 7 |
1433 | Off the wall and off the wagon. | 1.2787 | 0.03905 | 183 | 139 | 37 | 7 |
1434 | Twenty years on Wall Street, you‘d think I’d see the fall coming. | 1.2787 | 0.04129 | 183 | 141 | 31 | 10 |
1435 | Just need a little pick-me-up | 1.2787 | 0.04272 | 183 | 144 | 27 | 12 |
1436 | I'm really beat. | 1.2787 | 0.03905 | 183 | 139 | 37 | 7 |
1437 | Make it a double. Don't worry, I never fell off a bar stool. | 1.2786 | 0.04653 | 140 | 108 | 25 | 7 |
1438 | Que huevada | 1.2778 | 0.04461 | 180 | 144 | 22 | 14 |
1439 | Scrambled, not stirred. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1440 | Whatever. It’s still a magnificent wall. | 1.2778 | 0.03864 | 180 | 136 | 38 | 6 |
1441 | I'm telling you, privatized healthcare is not all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1442 | She broke me Al | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1443 | I don’t know about all the men, but I don’t think any of the horses were board certified. | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1444 | Been a rough year, but I'm still holding out for a great fall. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1445 | I need a belt? . | 1.2778 | 0.03944 | 180 | 137 | 36 | 7 |
1446 | No, I don’t have a mask. | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1447 | People keep blaming the fall but my therapist says it’s much deeper. | 1.2778 | 0.03783 | 180 | 135 | 40 | 5 |
1448 | I should have checked if All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men accepted my insurance. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1449 | Why did he think sending the horses to put me back together would be a good idea? | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1450 | Yeah, I had a great fall, but the winter was terrible. | 1.2778 | 0.04391 | 180 | 143 | 24 | 13 |
1451 | Most people dread Monday's,I dread Frydays. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1452 | I think I'm beginning to come out of my shell. | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1453 | I need somethin' strong enough to put me back together again. | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1454 | I'm just not ready to look at the sunny side. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1455 | Turns out life is not all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1456 | Put it on Humpty's tab. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1457 | I may be cracked but I am not broken. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1458 | Actually, it was the king's horses that did most of the damage. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1459 | I’ve tried and tried, but I just can’t get that chick out of my head. | 1.2778 | 0.04391 | 180 | 143 | 24 | 13 |
1460 | Well, I wouldn’t say it was a great fall... | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1461 | Well, I had a great Spring, and I had a great Summer... | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1462 | You're not alone. I've seen dozens of you today. | 1.2778 | 0.03864 | 180 | 136 | 38 | 6 |
1463 | Im trying to get over my crack addiction | 1.2778 | 0.04319 | 180 | 142 | 26 | 12 |
1464 | I fell off my bike. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1465 | Apparently not all of the King's Men can take a yolk. | 1.2778 | 0.03944 | 180 | 137 | 36 | 7 |
1466 | And will Mexico pay for this drink too? | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1467 | The chicken won. | 1.2778 | 0.03864 | 180 | 136 | 38 | 6 |
1468 | You should have seen the wall. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1469 | Historical reenactment. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1470 | Told me I was yellow inside, and he'd prove it. | 1.2778 | 0.03944 | 180 | 137 | 36 | 7 |
1471 | Truth be told, I was on the fence about going back to work. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1472 | I fell off the wagon this time. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1473 | I used to be an Easter egg. | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1474 | So then he says to me, ‘Well, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs’. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1475 | Summer's been rough, but I'm hoping for a great fall. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1476 | Man, I just went out to get laid.“ | 1.2778 | 0.03824 | 180 | 143 | 27 | 10 |
1477 | And I was trying to get INTO Mexico. | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1478 | Maybe I should have worn a mask. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1479 | It’s amazing you’re still asymptomatic. | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1480 | It’s been downhill ever since I took the fall for him. | 1.2778 | 0.03864 | 180 | 136 | 38 | 6 |
1481 | The Humpty Dance is harder than it looks. | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1482 | I guess the yolk's on me for egging that big guy on. | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1483 | I was fresh. | 1.2778 | 0.04247 | 180 | 141 | 28 | 11 |
1484 | I am in no mood to crack a joke | 1.2778 | 0.03864 | 180 | 136 | 38 | 6 |
1485 | Fall off that wall again?” “No, the ramp was very slippery. | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1486 | I've never witnessed such a competitive Easter Egg hunt. | 1.2778 | 0.03944 | 180 | 137 | 36 | 7 |
1487 | They kept saying ALL EGGS MATTER! | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1488 | Yes I fell, but no, my name is not Humpty. | 1.2778 | 0.03944 | 180 | 137 | 36 | 7 |
1489 | Insurance would only reimburse some of the king's horses. | 1.2778 | 0.04461 | 180 | 144 | 22 | 14 |
1490 | I stupidly called out "ALL eggs matter. | 1.2778 | 0.04173 | 180 | 140 | 30 | 10 |
1491 | Horses! The idiot thought his horses could patch me up! | 1.2778 | 0.04022 | 180 | 138 | 34 | 8 |
1492 | I could have done with this pick-me-up earlier | 1.2778 | 0.03864 | 180 | 136 | 38 | 6 |
1493 | All the king's men and all the king's horses......and not one doctor? | 1.2778 | 0.04098 | 180 | 139 | 32 | 9 |
1494 | Tough break, kid | 1.2774 | 0.04345 | 155 | 119 | 29 | 7 |
1495 | And to top it off, I still don't know my HDL from my LDL. | 1.2771 | 0.04491 | 166 | 131 | 24 | 11 |
1496 | There are 2 r's in Barr. | 1.2771 | 0.04409 | 166 | 130 | 26 | 10 |
1497 | All I said was, 'Eggs Matter, too.' | 1.2762 | 0.04153 | 181 | 141 | 30 | 10 |
1498 | And then she said she felt like she was walking on eggshells | 1.2753 | 0.03964 | 178 | 136 | 35 | 7 |
1499 | You should see the guy who got beaten and poached. | 1.2753 | 0.04121 | 178 | 138 | 31 | 9 |
1500 | Yeah, well, I got a millions likes on TikTok. | 1.2753 | 0.04346 | 178 | 141 | 25 | 12 |
1501 | They say it’s “white fragility” | 1.2753 | 0.04043 | 178 | 137 | 32 | 8 |
1502 | I hate brunch | 1.2753 | 0.04043 | 178 | 137 | 33 | 8 |
1503 | Domest-egg Violence | 1.2753 | 0.04121 | 178 | 138 | 31 | 9 |
1504 | I want to get back together. | 1.2753 | 0.04043 | 178 | 137 | 33 | 8 |
1505 | I mean it's 2020, folks have gotta stop walking on eggshells. | 1.2753 | 0.04043 | 178 | 137 | 33 | 8 |
1506 | I'm was so embarrassed...my only consolation is that in 10 years no one will remember my name. | 1.2753 | 0.04121 | 178 | 138 | 31 | 9 |
1507 | Then he slugged me when I called him an Egghead. | 1.2753 | 0.04121 | 178 | 138 | 31 | 9 |
1508 | I'm telling you, those horses did a lousy job. | 1.2753 | 0.03883 | 178 | 135 | 37 | 6 |
1509 | So it turns out I'm not as hard boiled as I thought. | 1.2753 | 0.03964 | 178 | 136 | 35 | 7 |
1510 | As it turns out, the yoke was on me! | 1.2753 | 0.04490 | 178 | 143 | 21 | 14 |
1511 | Yeh,I'm together again,no thanks to the King,his horses,or his men. | 1.2753 | 0.03716 | 178 | 133 | 41 | 4 |
1512 | This chick is going to be the end of me. | 1.2753 | 0.04121 | 178 | 138 | 31 | 9 |
1513 | That Trump rally wasn't all it was cracked up to be! | 1.2753 | 0.03964 | 178 | 136 | 35 | 7 |
1514 | No more cracks, thank you | 1.2753 | 0.03716 | 178 | 133 | 41 | 4 |
1515 | All in all, I wish they hadn’t been able. | 1.2753 | 0.04004 | 178 | 139 | 30 | 9 |
1516 | Straight up - I've been on the rocks all morning. | 1.2753 | 0.04043 | 178 | 137 | 33 | 8 |
1517 | I'm re-opening everything tonight, barkeep, so keep it coming | 1.2753 | 0.04346 | 178 | 141 | 25 | 12 |
1518 | I have sworn off Harvey Wallbangers for good. | 1.2753 | 0.04272 | 178 | 140 | 27 | 11 |
1519 | No, it wasn't just a wall. It was Wall Street. | 1.2753 | 0.04198 | 178 | 139 | 29 | 10 |
1520 | The horses only made it worse. | 1.2747 | 0.03983 | 182 | 140 | 34 | 8 |
1521 | Horses really don't help. | 1.2747 | 0.04133 | 182 | 142 | 30 | 10 |
1522 | I only asked if he served eggs | 1.2745 | 0.04373 | 153 | 118 | 28 | 7 |
1523 | It's getting bad. Now I'm falling off the wagon. | 1.2745 | 0.04373 | 153 | 118 | 28 | 7 |
1524 | Don't ask...its a long rhyme | 1.2733 | 0.04624 | 150 | 118 | 23 | 9 |
1525 | They said I was with the Huevos Rancheros cartel and pushed me off the wall. | 1.2727 | 0.04222 | 176 | 138 | 28 | 10 |
1526 | Summer has been pretty rough, but I'm still hoping for a great fall. | 1.2727 | 0.04298 | 176 | 139 | 26 | 11 |
1527 | It all began with that damn Chicken! | 1.2727 | 0.04066 | 176 | 136 | 32 | 8 |
1528 | ....and Believe me, The King's Horses were No Help At All." | 1.2727 | 0.04045 | 154 | 116 | 34 | 4 |
1529 | Autumn was great. But the fall... | 1.2722 | 0.04547 | 158 | 125 | 23 | 10 |
1530 | Humpty Dumpty fell off the wagon. | 1.2717 | 0.04499 | 173 | 139 | 21 | 13 |
1531 | I’m trying to look at things sunny side up, but I’ll tell ya...it’s not over easy | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1532 | More bridges. Less walls. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1533 | I stood up told him I wasn't a chicken... | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1534 | Turns out, I wasn’t all I was cracked up to be. | 1.2717 | 0.04424 | 173 | 138 | 23 | 12 |
1535 | When the dish ran away with the spoon...yeah, I thought THAT was bad. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1536 | Could you get me a shorter chair? | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1537 | At least with all the sports starting back up, it’s shaping up to be a great fall... I crack myself up... ha! I did it again. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1538 | So the fennel says to the celery, ‘She’s mixing us up.’ Imagine that, a talking vegetable. | 1.2717 | 0.04424 | 173 | 138 | 23 | 12 |
1539 | It just doesn’t make sense to let horses perform that kind of procedure, know what I mean? | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1540 | You really crack me up, Joe. | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1541 | I’ll tell you Joe, being an egg is not what it’s cracked up to be | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1542 | And then the soda jerk says, that’s how I make an egg cream. | 1.2717 | 0.04499 | 173 | 139 | 21 | 13 |
1543 | Sometimes I wish they didn’t put me back together. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1544 | I tell ya, man. I’d take all the King’s horses over this healthcare system. | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1545 | My wife left me calling me a crackhead, can you believe that... | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1546 | all I said that all egg whites matter. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1547 | I don’t know why they didn’t call the king’s women the first time around. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1548 | Make it a double pal, I feel like I’m cracking up! | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1549 | You know, sometimes life can be hard-boiled and you feel scrambled inside, but I say just take it over easy and see the sunny side up. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1550 | And maybe a side of Elmer's. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1551 | I think it is about time you get a stunt double. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1552 | Make a it a double, I need to get pickled | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 134 | 29 | 9 |
1553 | Beat the egg,” he says | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1554 | Not sure if I can hold my liquor right now | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1555 | It was the worse lay ever. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1556 | My wife has been driving me up the wall. | 1.2717 | 0.04424 | 173 | 138 | 23 | 12 |
1557 | The king's horses and the king's men? Maybe someone should have called the king's doctor. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1558 | Worse yet, I had to pay for His Wall. | 1.2717 | 0.03855 | 173 | 131 | 37 | 5 |
1559 | “You’re right, it was a good fall. It just wasn’t a great one.” | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1560 | Let's just say I live life a little too much on the edge. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1561 | I keep tellin' ya, it was a verrry slippery wall. You wouldn't believe the ice on that wall. Soooo slippery. | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1562 | And that's not all... then came the HORSES! | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1563 | Finally they called the king's physician, and here I am! | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1564 | None of the king's horses or king's men could put me together again. But there was this one wonderful nurse. . . . | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1565 | Make it a double! It‘s been a shell of a day! | 1.2717 | 0.04573 | 173 | 140 | 19 | 14 |
1566 | The job description said, 'must not crack under pressure,' but I didn't take it literally. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 133 | 31 | 8 |
1567 | I fell off the wagon, and then off the wall. | 1.2717 | 0.03855 | 173 | 131 | 37 | 5 |
1568 | That's the last time I fall off the wagon! | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1569 | And one for the wall. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1570 | Something to make me whole again, please. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1571 | It was one of the king's horses, I swear! | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1572 | It was NOT a great fall ... | 1.2717 | 0.04499 | 173 | 139 | 21 | 13 |
1573 | I had a run in with Egg Beaters. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1574 | And most people don't realize that every time they say that horrid nursery rhyme... | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1575 | Yes. I AM sure I don't want a Harvey Wallbanger! | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1576 | This is the best that all the King's horses and all the King's men could do...Better make that a double, please! | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1577 | The other guy? What a yokel. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1578 | I'm beat. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1579 | This Humpty Dumpty gig is a lot tougher than I imagined.... | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1580 | If you must know, it was all the king’s horses. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1581 | Actually, I fell off a bar stool. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1582 | Feeling a bit scrambled today. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1583 | The horses just stood there! No opposable thumbs! | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1584 | And don't even get me started about the king's horses. | 1.2717 | 0.03855 | 173 | 131 | 37 | 5 |
1585 | My mother puts so much pressure on me. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1586 | The rooster found us in bed and realized it was the chicken AND the egg. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1587 | A dozen of us walked into a bar... | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 134 | 29 | 9 |
1588 | Don't tell anybody I fell off a bar-stool. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1589 | This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail. It was like this really, really, really steep ice skating rink. Brutal. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1590 | Horses? Men? Forget that holistic New Age stuff. I need a drink. | 1.2717 | 0.04499 | 173 | 139 | 21 | 13 |
1591 | Guy couldn't take a yolk. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1592 | No, this is still from the fall of 2016. | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1593 | Are you serious! Where’s your mask! | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1594 | I awoke with my sunny side up. But the clock said 8 and I said “Oh no, omelette for work!” When I arrived, my secretary quiched me hard and shouted "Fritatas!". By the end of the day, I was fried. Now I'm raw, cracked, and a shell of my former self. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1595 | I feel like a Harvey Wallbanger | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1596 | Another three minutes and I would have been on toast. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1597 | They warn you about walls, but never stress fractures. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1598 | Quite honestly, I think the horses did more harm than good. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1599 | What do you have for a splitting headache? | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1600 | I don't know, she just doesn't crack me up like she used to... | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1601 | Over easy, will ya? I'm already cracked. I don't need to get fried. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1602 | But the worst part was all those crazy horses and men. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1603 | If I hear one more 'fell off the wagon' joke... | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 28 | 9 |
1604 | No, I was his third national Security Advisor. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1605 | All the king's horses and all the king's men. That's who! | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1606 | Sure falling off the wagon hurt. But it was a walk in the park after that wall. | 1.2717 | 0.04499 | 173 | 139 | 21 | 13 |
1607 | I wasn't expecting today's vegan protests to turn so ugly. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1608 | I feel so light-headed since the chicken got out. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1609 | Have one with me, Joe. I'm drinking to 11 friends who weren't so lucky. | 1.2717 | 0.03767 | 173 | 130 | 39 | 4 |
1610 | Vegans are pretty militant these days huh? | 1.2717 | 0.04424 | 173 | 138 | 23 | 12 |
1611 | I got beat up at a BLM rally by some brown eggs because of my white shell. I told them we are all yellow in the middle. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 133 | 31 | 8 |
1612 | I didn't know the wall wasn't finished | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1613 | It was freaky Sam, I was just sitting on this wall..... | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1614 | Crossing the road isn't all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1615 | Scrambled, not shaken. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1616 | Anything, as long as it's not on the rocks. | 1.2717 | 0.04347 | 173 | 137 | 25 | 11 |
1617 | I'm not as hard-boiled as I'm cracked up to be. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1618 | Not only that, but now I have to buy a round for all the king's horses and all the king's men. | 1.2717 | 0.04269 | 173 | 136 | 27 | 10 |
1619 | Seriously, Tim, how did you get this gin fizz so frothy? | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1620 | I’m not one to complain, but this barstool is uneven.” | 1.2717 | 0.04190 | 173 | 135 | 29 | 9 |
1621 | Nobody believes that I was pushed. | 1.2717 | 0.04026 | 173 | 133 | 33 | 7 |
1622 | Turns out all the king’s horses and men were just major donors. | 1.2715 | 0.04500 | 151 | 118 | 25 | 8 |
1623 | It was going well until they brought in the horses | 1.2715 | 0.04401 | 151 | 117 | 27 | 7 |
1624 | By any chance was I in here yesterday? | 1.2715 | 0.04299 | 151 | 116 | 29 | 6 |
1625 | I’ll take an egg cream, hold the egg | 1.2701 | 0.04325 | 174 | 138 | 25 | 11 |
1626 | Love's not all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2701 | 0.03964 | 174 | 136 | 30 | 8 |
1627 | That was one rough carton. | 1.2701 | 0.04476 | 174 | 140 | 21 | 13 |
1628 | An where were all the King's men when I needed them? | 1.2701 | 0.04401 | 174 | 139 | 23 | 12 |
1629 | I could only do 11 steps. | 1.2690 | 0.04720 | 145 | 115 | 21 | 9 |
1630 | I thought this time would be different. | 1.2680 | 0.04544 | 153 | 121 | 23 | 9 |
1631 | Does it look like Coronavirus?! | 1.2671 | 0.04269 | 146 | 112 | 29 | 5 |
1632 | I hate to say it, but horses make terrible surgeons." | 1.2671 | 0.04157 | 146 | 111 | 31 | 4 |
1633 | Imagine, what will the bird be like. | 1.2667 | 0.04504 | 150 | 118 | 24 | 8 |
1634 | Make it a double. Hospital kicked me out 'cause insurance called this a pre-existing condition. | 1.2667 | 0.04195 | 150 | 115 | 30 | 5 |
1635 | Let all the King’s horses buy their own drinks this time. | 1.2667 | 0.04403 | 150 | 117 | 26 | 7 |
1636 | I tried to end egg white supremacy with peaceful protest | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1637 | Broke doesn’t even begin to cover it, Harold. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1638 | Really not looking forward to next fall | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1639 | She told me I didn’t belong here so I said to the chicken “I was here first”! | 1.2663 | 0.03892 | 169 | 129 | 35 | 5 |
1640 | I never get laid. The chicken wants to come first, but I crack under the pressure. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1641 | Make American Fragile Again -Trumpty Dumbty | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1642 | and then they said it’ll be OVER EASY... | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1643 | I might be fragile, but I’m not broken. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1644 | They said they could have done more if the King’s horses hadn’t intervened | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1645 | ...The first wall didn't kill me, but I'm afraid this new border wall will be the end of me | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1646 | Oh no I’ll be fine joe I’m just having a 2020 kinda day | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1647 | Great for whom exactly? | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1648 | It’s all been downhill since Humpty dumped me... | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1649 | rough day at work huh? | 1.2663 | 0.04559 | 169 | 137 | 19 | 13 |
1650 | I was supposed to be sunny side up, not beaten. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1651 | The fall, the king's men, the king's horses. Then all I could get was a virtual doctor visit. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1652 | ..so I'm sitting on the wall with the Queen.. | 1.2663 | 0.03982 | 169 | 130 | 33 | 6 |
1653 | What do you recommend for an Egg’sistential Crisis? | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1654 | Mr. Dumpty was my dad. Call me Humpty. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1655 | I didn't go Ova Easy. | 1.2663 | 0.04559 | 169 | 137 | 19 | 13 |
1656 | First the wall, now the wagon. This is not my week. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1657 | The doctor says I'm suffering from shell shock. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1658 | I guess I shouldn't have egged him on. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1659 | She called me fragile, Jim. She said emotionally, but I know she was talking about my shell. | 1.2663 | 0.03892 | 169 | 129 | 35 | 5 |
1660 | The last thing I remember is hearing someone say “omelet”. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1661 | Never get medical attention from the King's horses!" | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1662 | Where's the restroom? That's going to go right through me. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1663 | Yeah, the damn horses were completely useless, but all the King’s men actually did put me back together again—sort of—and the booze at least numbs the pain. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1664 | So then this humongous chicken comes in and says, "I was here first.' | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1665 | It seemed like such a good place to isolate. | 1.2663 | 0.03707 | 169 | 127 | 39 | 3 |
1666 | At least they didn't teargas me. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1667 | But I”m not drinking to the King, his horses or his men. | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1668 | Straight please..I've already been on the rocks today | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1669 | They said there would be a wall but all I found was angry people in red hats. | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1670 | Ever have one of those days when you just can’t get it together? | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1671 | I’m gonna call you The Catapulter, if you can get me back up there with these couple of pops, pal.” | 1.2663 | 0.04481 | 169 | 136 | 21 | 12 |
1672 | So that was my day, how are the wife and kids? | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1673 | Someone told a funny joke that cracked me up. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1674 | I better not...I have a habit of losing my balance. | 1.2663 | 0.03707 | 169 | 127 | 39 | 3 |
1675 | He said I egged him on. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1676 | All the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn’t do it. Let’s try scotch. | 1.2663 | 0.04481 | 169 | 136 | 21 | 12 |
1677 | I DID have a great fall. Winter and spring, don't ask. | 1.2663 | 0.03611 | 169 | 131 | 33 | 5 |
1678 | Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a great fall at all. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1679 | I've had a rough day. Please don't tell me you don't serve eggs here! | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1680 | And then I said "Who are you calling an egghead"? | 1.2663 | 0.04481 | 169 | 136 | 21 | 12 |
1681 | I'm tired of taking the fall | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1682 | People are saying that no one has ever seen anything like it. They said, "Sir, it was the GREATEST fall of all time. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1683 | They messed up, but I had to take the fall. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1684 | I guess that big beautiful wall wasn't such a good idea after all. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1685 | And who do you think crossed first? | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1686 | I was just sitting on the border wall minding my own business. When they told me to come down, I said I would not as I was Humpty Dumpty. The rest is history. | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1687 | No! Not the eggnog! | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1688 | I’m telling ya, what really hurts is that silly rhyme some joker made up. Still wakes me up at night. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1689 | It's so hard maintaining such a hard-boiled demeanour... I guess I just cracked under the pressure. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1690 | I still don't get what was so great about it. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1691 | Put a round for all the king's horses and all the king's men on my tab | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1692 | All I could hear were all the kings men yelling "Omlet"!!! | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1693 | I've been reading White Fragility, and I gotta say, it's really resonating. | 1.2663 | 0.03892 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 8 |
1694 | No one really thinks through what “Defund the King’s Horsemen!” means until it’s too late. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1695 | You can bet I'm not falling for that 'Build the Wall' line again this November. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1696 | You know, I was never really together in the first place. | 1.2663 | 0.03801 | 169 | 128 | 37 | 4 |
1697 | I know what the rhyme says, but they tried anyway. | 1.2663 | 0.03982 | 169 | 130 | 33 | 6 |
1698 | I didn’t know it was Trump’s wall | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1699 | I feel like a grade A idiot. | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1700 | Just don't pour me anything on the rocks! | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1701 | That Goose dame made it look like a fall. She'll do anything for a good rhyme! | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1702 | I walked into a bar. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1703 | You should see the other guy-he's got egg all over his face. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1704 | How to hell was I supposed to know that it was Trump's goddamned wall! | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1705 | My mind is a little scrambled but otherwise, I am ok. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1706 | They should defund all the king's horses and all the king's men. | 1.2663 | 0.03892 | 169 | 129 | 35 | 5 |
1707 | And the horses always make it worse ... | 1.2663 | 0.03892 | 169 | 129 | 35 | 5 |
1708 | Wall, wagon, whatever. I'm falling off of everything today. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1709 | Turns out that all King's men were out-of-network | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1710 | It wasn't easy but I was here first, long before the chicken | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1711 | I'm on my break. | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1712 | Why do you think I had a great fall to begin with? | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1713 | It was a tough day on Wall Street. . . | 1.2662 | 0.04517 | 154 | 122 | 23 | 9 |
1714 | When the cops showed up, the chicken was already gone. | 1.2657 | 0.04205 | 143 | 109 | 30 | 4 |
1715 | Let’s just say, some of the King’s men wanted me scrambled. | 1.2657 | 0.04543 | 143 | 112 | 24 | 7 |
1716 | So then all the king's horses and all the king's men said 'eh, good enough for government work. | 1.2654 | 0.04271 | 162 | 127 | 27 | 8 |
1717 | Today I was the breaking news. | 1.2654 | 0.04181 | 162 | 126 | 29 | 7 |
1718 | I answered "the egg" but the chicken disagreed. | 1.2654 | 0.04088 | 162 | 125 | 31 | 6 |
1719 | Robert Frost said it best: "Something there is that doesn't love a wall." | 1.2654 | 0.04360 | 162 | 128 | 25 | 9 |
1720 | No, make it neat | 1.2653 | 0.04561 | 147 | 116 | 23 | 8 |
1721 | I got let go. | 1.2653 | 0.04244 | 147 | 113 | 29 | 5 |
1722 | I don’t get it they were very fine people on both sides. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1723 | I wouldn’t say is was a “great” fall. | 1.2651 | 0.03932 | 166 | 127 | 33 | 5 |
1724 | No yoke...better make that a double ... | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1725 | I didn’t know it was ‘the wall’, he just kept going on about how great it was, ‘a great, great wall’, meanwhile I’m lying there in pieces. | 1.2651 | 0.04615 | 166 | 135 | 18 | 13 |
1726 | Take it from me, constitutional monarchy as a form of government is finished. | 1.2651 | 0.03932 | 166 | 127 | 34 | 5 |
1727 | My memories of last night are mostly scrambled. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1728 | ‘Free Range’ isn’t without its temptations Bill | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1729 | Make it a double. It’s been a rough 3 years. | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1730 | The King's men put me together but it was President's men who pushed me off in the first place | 1.2651 | 0.04371 | 166 | 132 | 24 | 10 |
1731 | Getting pickled is all I have left! | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1732 | I just need a break... | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1733 | It’s about time all the king’s bartenders got some credit. | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1734 | To add insult to injury, this guy on TV keeps bragging about building the wall. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1735 | Listen,I know all about white fragility. | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1736 | Fred, did I ever tell you, you crack me up! | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1737 | Damn, white privilege is a bitch. | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1738 | Martini, scrambled, not stirred. | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1739 | I nearly dyed. | 1.2651 | 0.04371 | 166 | 132 | 24 | 10 |
1740 | Great fall? Fake News! I was pushed. | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1741 | First I fell off the wall, then I fell off the wagon. | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1742 | Oh, I don't know, Glen. I just feel like I can't get the pieces back together again. | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1743 | I'd rather be a loner than come out of my shell! | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1744 | The Dumpty part of my name just came true! | 1.2651 | 0.03838 | 166 | 126 | 36 | 4 |
1745 | Make that whiskey and cream with a grinding of nutmeg. I’ll do the rest | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1746 | I keep tellin’ ya Moe, I’ll pay ya when I’m not broke | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1747 | The King's horses spooked and trampled me, and his men left me to pick up the pieces. | 1.2651 | 0.04371 | 166 | 132 | 24 | 10 |
1748 | And don’t get me started on the king’s horses. | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1749 | One of these days Joe, they’re not gonna be able to do it. | 1.2651 | 0.03978 | 166 | 130 | 29 | 7 |
1750 | All I said was “I came first!” | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1751 | You gotta be careful what you say these days. You know what I mean? It’s like waking on eggshells. | 1.2651 | 0.03932 | 166 | 127 | 34 | 5 |
1752 | I wasn't drunk, I was pushed! | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1753 | It's not always a happy ending, ya know? | 1.2651 | 0.03741 | 166 | 130 | 30 | 6 |
1754 | My day was not over easy. | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1755 | Put me together again, Sam. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1756 | You're sure this'll put me together again? | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1757 | I wish those horses had never found that UTube video on how to put me back together. | 1.2651 | 0.04615 | 166 | 135 | 18 | 13 |
1758 | ...and then I told that cop walking on a public sidewalk wasn’t a crime. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1759 | I had to fight. They said beneath my hard outer shell, I was really just a chicken. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1760 | I swear, Tommy, you make one 'white fragility' crack and I'm drinking elsewhere. | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1761 | A Harvey Wallbanger... a little on the nose isn't it? | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1762 | Maybe it’s just me, but every day is beginning to feel like ‘hump day’. | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1763 | If I'd been here instead of the wall, it probably wouldn't have happened | 1.2651 | 0.04371 | 166 | 132 | 24 | 10 |
1764 | The horses were fine but all the king’s men were disbanded in 2018. | 1.2651 | 0.04371 | 166 | 132 | 24 | 10 |
1765 | No alcohol for me, I'm fertile. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1766 | You are looking a little fragile today, Mr. H | 1.2651 | 0.04201 | 166 | 130 | 28 | 8 |
1767 | Humpty Dumpty sits on a stool in great disrepair as he awaits alcohol to assuage his despair but the drink may cause him to lose his balance and fall to the floor in shattered silence | 1.2651 | 0.03932 | 166 | 127 | 34 | 5 |
1768 | I need that drink before I totally crack up | 1.2651 | 0.04371 | 166 | 132 | 24 | 10 |
1769 | I’ll have it shaken, not scrambled. | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1770 | Things aren’t cracked up to what they use to be. | 1.2651 | 0.03932 | 166 | 127 | 34 | 5 |
1771 | I prefer with ice, not “on the rocks” | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1772 | So then I said to him, "Yeah, I'm one tough egg to crack..." | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1773 | Actually, it was a haughty spirit that came first. | 1.2651 | 0.04495 | 166 | 136 | 17 | 13 |
1774 | All theKings horses and all the Kings men and not one lousy MASH unit ! | 1.2651 | 0.04454 | 166 | 133 | 22 | 11 |
1775 | Hump me dump me | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1776 | No thanks, I'm done with anything top-shelf for a while. | 1.2651 | 0.04287 | 166 | 131 | 26 | 9 |
1777 | I don't know what's so "great" about it. | 1.2651 | 0.04023 | 166 | 128 | 32 | 6 |
1778 | My therapist says it’s a repetition compulsion. | 1.2649 | 0.04378 | 151 | 118 | 26 | 7 |
1779 | I swear I’m not fertilized | 1.2647 | 0.04299 | 170 | 135 | 25 | 10 |
1780 | Sigh. I thought I was hard-boiled. | 1.2639 | 0.04621 | 144 | 114 | 22 | 8 |
1781 | Turns out, she wasn’t THAT into ovaphilia | 1.2635 | 0.04179 | 167 | 131 | 28 | 8 |
1782 | Dirty Dozen? Why | 1.2624 | 0.04461 | 141 | 110 | 25 | 6 |
1783 | Just another girl who said I look nothing like my Tinder pic. | 1.2624 | 0.04346 | 141 | 109 | 27 | 5 |
1784 | Who sends horses to mend an egg? | 1.2621 | 0.04797 | 145 | 117 | 18 | 10 |
1785 | All the king’s horses and all the king’s men were in Tulsa. | 1.2621 | 0.04487 | 145 | 114 | 24 | 7 |
1786 | On the rocks ? | 1.2617 | 0.04301 | 149 | 115 | 27 | 6 |
1787 | The king’s horses were absolutely NO help! | 1.2606 | 0.04082 | 142 | 108 | 31 | 3 |
1788 | First all the king's horses tried. | 1.2606 | 0.04545 | 142 | 112 | 23 | 7 |
1789 | Who asked them to put me back together? | 1.2603 | 0.04460 | 146 | 115 | 24 | 7 |
1790 | I think it was one of the horses. | 1.2603 | 0.04243 | 146 | 113 | 28 | 5 |
1791 | It was the wall again | 1.2593 | 0.04250 | 162 | 128 | 26 | 8 |
1792 | I hope nobody writes a song about this. | 1.2593 | 0.04250 | 162 | 128 | 26 | 8 |
1793 | I gotta tell you, the fall, not so great. | 1.2593 | 0.04250 | 162 | 128 | 26 | 8 |
1794 | That yolk isn’t funny anymore. | 1.2593 | 0.04250 | 162 | 128 | 26 | 8 |
1795 | Not today, Bill, I got too smashed last night | 1.2593 | 0.04066 | 162 | 126 | 30 | 6 |
1796 | I used to be a nest egg, and look what they did to me | 1.2593 | 0.04427 | 162 | 130 | 22 | 10 |
1797 | There I was, just sitting on a wall watching the protest when, out of nowhere, a rubber bullet knocks me right off. Now I can’t seem to put myself back together again. | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1798 | Do I look like a bocce ball to you? | 1.2593 | 0.04250 | 162 | 128 | 26 | 8 |
1799 | Actually, the fall itself wasn't that bad; ... but then, what with all the king's horses and king's men trampling all over everything; ... And the media, ...Oh God, ... the media; ... you can just imagine how they're going to play all this, ... | 1.2593 | 0.04597 | 162 | 132 | 18 | 12 |
1800 | You probably heard that I'm suing all the king's horses. | 1.2593 | 0.04066 | 162 | 126 | 30 | 6 |
1801 | Why, yes, it was a rough day on Wall Street. | 1.2593 | 0.04513 | 162 | 131 | 20 | 11 |
1802 | Sam I Am got laid off today. | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1803 | Fell off the wall again, eh? | 1.2593 | 0.04513 | 162 | 131 | 20 | 11 |
1804 | He just wouldn't stop egging me on. | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1805 | I could really use a pick-me-up. | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1806 | I guess so...I've already fallen off of one wagon today. | 1.2593 | 0.04159 | 162 | 127 | 28 | 7 |
1807 | I just got dumped. | 1.2593 | 0.04159 | 162 | 127 | 28 | 7 |
1808 | As should be obvious even to you, old friend, I was rolled. | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1809 | You'll have to start a tab, I'm broke! | 1.2593 | 0.03970 | 162 | 125 | 32 | 5 |
1810 | I'm a shell of my former self. | 1.2593 | 0.04159 | 162 | 127 | 28 | 7 |
1811 | Make it a double, I have to pull myself together. | 1.2593 | 0.04513 | 162 | 131 | 20 | 11 |
1812 | And I didn't wear a mask, either. | 1.2593 | 0.04427 | 162 | 130 | 22 | 10 |
1813 | Gimme a double. I got another kid's show at 4. | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1814 | So I said...No...the Egg came first! | 1.2593 | 0.04159 | 162 | 127 | 28 | 7 |
1815 | Bumper cars are not a good first date. | 1.2593 | 0.04159 | 162 | 127 | 28 | 7 |
1816 | When did they stop putting sawdust on the floor? | 1.2583 | 0.04552 | 151 | 121 | 21 | 9 |
1817 | Got a splitting egg-ache | 1.2579 | 0.03911 | 159 | 122 | 33 | 4 |
1818 | 2020, am I right? | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 127 | 23 | 9 |
1819 | I don’t know whether I should drink it or douse myself with it | 1.2579 | 0.04739 | 159 | 131 | 15 | 13 |
1820 | It's crazy out there man...everyone's tryin' to bake. | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 127 | 23 | 9 |
1821 | Let me tell you, life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 127 | 23 | 9 |
1822 | Hit me again, Barkeep. | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1823 | Turns out that hooves aren't well suited for delicate surgical procedures. | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1824 | You work in hospitality too? This one’s on the house | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 127 | 23 | 9 |
1825 | I got dumped. | 1.2579 | 0.04299 | 159 | 126 | 25 | 8 |
1826 | As it turns out America was not that great again | 1.2579 | 0.04480 | 159 | 128 | 21 | 10 |
1827 | Same old story | 1.2579 | 0.04012 | 159 | 123 | 31 | 5 |
1828 | Yeah, she dumped me. | 1.2579 | 0.04012 | 159 | 123 | 31 | 5 |
1829 | Then someone shouted: "omlette!" | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1830 | Fortunately, all the King's horses were in network so I was just out the co-pay. | 1.2579 | 0.04480 | 159 | 128 | 21 | 10 |
1831 | Hope you have another bottle. It’s been a pretty rough day for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men too. | 1.2579 | 0.04299 | 159 | 126 | 25 | 8 |
1832 | I know I told her 7 minutes. | 1.2579 | 0.03911 | 159 | 122 | 33 | 4 |
1833 | I drank HOW MANY tequilas last night??? | 1.2579 | 0.04480 | 159 | 128 | 21 | 10 |
1834 | Yep, I fell off the wall again and it looks like I'm gonna fall off the wagon, too! | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1835 | I mean the King's horses didn't even have hands! Like hello, right? | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 127 | 23 | 9 |
1836 | I need a drink to unscramble my head | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1837 | And I can also put my toothpaste back into the tube. | 1.2579 | 0.04110 | 159 | 124 | 29 | 6 |
1838 | Anything fruity with painkillers. And make it a double. | 1.2579 | 0.04568 | 159 | 129 | 19 | 11 |
1839 | I said, "I'm really a good egg, but he still cracked me." | 1.2579 | 0.04568 | 159 | 129 | 19 | 11 |
1840 | I sense a bad yolk here. | 1.2579 | 0.04110 | 159 | 124 | 29 | 6 |
1841 | I'd really prefer a Harvey Wallbanger. | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1842 | She kept pecking and pecking screaming ," Who came first? Who came first?" Total "Twilight Zone". | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1843 | It’s a good thing you’re hard boiled | 1.2579 | 0.04391 | 159 | 127 | 23 | 9 |
1844 | Those darn poachers nearly killed me | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1845 | All I said was "Boiled lives matter," and I'M the bad guy. | 1.2579 | 0.04110 | 159 | 124 | 29 | 6 |
1846 | Believe me, this was no harmless shell game! | 1.2579 | 0.04012 | 159 | 123 | 31 | 5 |
1847 | So, this egg walks into a bar... | 1.2579 | 0.04012 | 159 | 123 | 31 | 5 |
1848 | All the King's horses, my ass! Doesn't that idiot realize horses don't have fingers or opposable thumbs? How the heck could THEY possibly put me back together? | 1.2579 | 0.04480 | 159 | 128 | 21 | 10 |
1849 | They did some research. Turns out that horses are not that effective in putting Humpty together again. | 1.2579 | 0.04299 | 159 | 126 | 25 | 8 |
1850 | They told me I lost a lot of yolk. | 1.2579 | 0.03911 | 159 | 122 | 33 | 4 |
1851 | Just the nog. | 1.2579 | 0.04568 | 159 | 129 | 19 | 11 |
1852 | Just a single - wifey hates pickled eggs. | 1.2577 | 0.04402 | 163 | 131 | 22 | 10 |
1853 | Tough breakup? | 1.2571 | 0.04462 | 140 | 110 | 24 | 6 |
1854 | What's good for a splitting headache? | 1.2571 | 0.04687 | 140 | 112 | 20 | 8 |
1855 | Are you sure Reagan is dead? | 1.2571 | 0.04576 | 140 | 111 | 22 | 7 |
1856 | Trump's wall wasn't so tall. | 1.2571 | 0.04687 | 140 | 112 | 20 | 8 |
1857 | Those paramedic horses the king sent are incompetent. | 1.2571 | 0.04462 | 140 | 110 | 24 | 6 |
1858 | The king's men were a help, but what genius proposed those horses | 1.2571 | 0.04576 | 140 | 111 | 22 | 7 |
1859 | Yes, I'm obviously in recovery, and that's why I want the booze. | 1.2571 | 0.04576 | 140 | 111 | 22 | 7 |
1860 | I tell ya, that chiropractor is getting a 1-star review | 1.2569 | 0.04596 | 144 | 115 | 21 | 8 |
1861 | Yeah man, she's into some kinky stuff. | 1.2569 | 0.04596 | 144 | 115 | 21 | 8 |
1862 | I knew something was wrong when the king sent those stupid horses to put me together again. | 1.2569 | 0.04489 | 144 | 114 | 23 | 7 |
1863 | Another nursery rye, please. | 1.2569 | 0.04596 | 144 | 115 | 21 | 8 |
1864 | And it's only Monday | 1.2564 | 0.05172 | 117 | 94 | 16 | 7 |
1865 | Let be the first to tell you. This so called wall is far from perfect. | 1.2563 | 0.04182 | 160 | 126 | 27 | 7 |
1866 | ...and then they said the fall was worse than the push. | 1.2563 | 0.04543 | 160 | 130 | 19 | 11 |
1867 | This isn't an omlette bar, is it? | 1.2563 | 0.04628 | 160 | 131 | 17 | 12 |
1868 | I understand I’m young and a bit naive but I really thought they were being sincere when they said All lives matter | 1.2561 | 0.04292 | 164 | 131 | 24 | 9 |
1869 | The horses made it worse, honestly | 1.2555 | 0.04520 | 137 | 108 | 23 | 6 |
1870 | All I said was, “All eggs have the same nutritional value...” | 1.2555 | 0.04751 | 137 | 110 | 19 | 8 |
1871 | The kings men wanted a Covid test first... | 1.2555 | 0.04637 | 137 | 109 | 21 | 7 |
1872 | The men were doing OK - it was the horses that botched things up. | 1.2555 | 0.04520 | 137 | 108 | 23 | 6 |
1873 | No man. I was pushed by the f**king cops. | 1.2553 | 0.04318 | 141 | 110 | 26 | 5 |
1874 | Hit me as hard as you can. | 1.2552 | 0.04567 | 145 | 116 | 21 | 8 |
1875 | None of the King's horses, but the Queen's horse, Elmer...he got the job done. | 1.2552 | 0.04353 | 145 | 114 | 25 | 6 |
1876 | It's Mr. Dumpty to you Pal. | 1.2552 | 0.04461 | 145 | 115 | 23 | 7 |
1877 | Hard day huh | 1.2548 | 0.04687 | 157 | 129 | 16 | 12 |
1878 | When they said “great fall” I honestly thought they meant autumn. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1879 | You say the statue of the king riding his horse fell on you? | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1880 | Turns out the king's horses are not particularly good at egg reconstruction. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1881 | Double nog, hold the egg. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1882 | Actually my name’s Mike | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1883 | ‘Don’t mention the wall!’ | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1884 | You know that one where an egg walks into a bar? Always cracks me up. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1885 | One round for all the Kings’ Men! | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1886 | Whisked, not stirred | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1887 | Melania finally snapped! | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1888 | As you can see, I’ve been grievously injured, but I’ve opted to go to a drinking establishment instead of a hospital. Also I am an egg. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1889 | And then I said ‘can this year get any worse ?’ | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1890 | Make it a double...actually, just leave the bottle. | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1891 | Another one can’t hurt. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1892 | First the wall, now the wagon ... | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1893 | So this guy says to me, “Make like an egg and beat it!” | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1894 | The ramp was steep | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1895 | I don’t know why all the king’s HORSES had to help... | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1896 | This would have turned out better if the current king actually paid his contractors. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1897 | ...and then there was this ramp... | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1898 | This is what you get for finishing first | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1899 | All the King’s horses and all the king’s men refused to put me back together because I don’t have health insurance | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1900 | I kinda doubt Mexico’s gonna pay for these medical bills. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1901 | Sheez...This time ‘All the king’s men’ had tasers and tear gas | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1902 | I had a great fall, actually, it was March when things started going downhill. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1903 | If I hadn't taken a dip in the hot tub I'd be a goner. | 1.2548 | 0.03824 | 157 | 125 | 26 | 6 |
1904 | And I said “YOU hate walking on eggshells?” | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1905 | Don't believe a word they say! It's never a great fall. Look at this body... | 1.2548 | 0.04774 | 157 | 130 | 14 | 13 |
1906 | - You really look like you’re falling apart my friend. This one’s on the house. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1907 | Humpty Trumpty fell off his wall. Humpty Trumpty will have a bad Fall. | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1908 | One minute I’m holding a general’s hand and the next I’m in pieces at the bottom of the ramp. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1909 | No, not on the rocks please! | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1910 | I can use a pick-me-up. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1911 | It was a ramp this time. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1912 | You know what puts me back together again, Charlie. | 1.2548 | 0.03929 | 157 | 121 | 32 | 4 |
1913 | I’m just saying, Obamacare worked better for me than the royal health plan. I’m not even sure the King’s men and horses had even basic medical training. | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1914 | No, it wasn't great at all. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1915 | What I need is all the king's gin. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1916 | I'm cracking Joe, but they can't beat me. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1917 | It was a good joke, Tom. I just can't crack up anymore. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1918 | Honestly, I just need to get laid. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1919 | All the horses and men were just standing around. I guess eventually someone called 911. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1920 | The bodycams tell the real story. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1921 | No more Joe! I finally figured out why I keep falling off the wall! | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1922 | You should see the bacon. | 1.2548 | 0.04858 | 157 | 131 | 12 | 14 |
1923 | Make it a double and put it on The King's tab. | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1924 | Anything except a Harvey Wallbanger. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1925 | The fall was bad. This spring was worse... | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1926 | Make it a double. I have a splitting head-egg. | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1927 | Why do they make these bar stools so damn high? | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1928 | Hopefully, this stool is sturdier than that wall. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1929 | No eggnog, thanks. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1930 | A jigger of your finest spackling paste my good man! | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 124 | 24 | 8 |
1931 | Humpty told me this could be my big break. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1932 | Anyway, had a great Fall. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1933 | On the rocks?! Are you sure that’s a good idea? | 1.2548 | 0.04774 | 157 | 130 | 14 | 13 |
1934 | I may not look it, but i'm totally fried. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1935 | Can you put me together a gin? | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1936 | You look like I could use a drink | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1937 | Make it a double-my boss doesn't believe in coddling. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1938 | Then all the king's men beat the crap out of me. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1939 | That was NOT a great fall... | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1940 | Things were easier when I was young and coddled. | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1941 | Wall ... Street. | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1942 | I'm okay. Just a bit shell-shocked. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1943 | Thank goodness I was hardboiled! | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1944 | I’m all done with wall-sitting | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1945 | I don’t know how many more times I can keep picking up all the pieces. | 1.2548 | 0.03715 | 157 | 119 | 36 | 2 |
1946 | No, no, Scotch TAPE | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1947 | Don't ask me why he let the Horses try first! | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1948 | Some days you come in first, other days the chicken comes in first. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1949 | It's awfully hard to have King's horses and men putting me back together during social distancing. | 1.2548 | 0.03981 | 157 | 123 | 27 | 6 |
1950 | What's my story? I sat on a wall, and I had a great fall, yada, yada, yada, ... " | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1951 | The king's men all said it was a hoax. The horses did what they could. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1952 | Make it a double. I'm having an egg-istential crisis today. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1953 | I had a great fall, but man this summer is kicking my ass. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1954 | Yeah, the King's men did all right, but I could've done without the horses. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1955 | I fell off the wall trying to do socially distanacing. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1956 | No thanks. I've already had one too many Harvey Wallbangers today. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1957 | She told me she liked her eggs beaten, so I went to a Trump rally. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1958 | And then he told me I didn't have a visa and pushed me right over! | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1959 | Being on a wall ain’t all it’s cracked up to be! | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1960 | All the king’s horses and all the king’s men didn’t help. Thought I’d try hair of the dog. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1961 | Humpty Trumpty fell off his Wall. | 1.2548 | 0.04687 | 157 | 129 | 16 | 12 |
1962 | Yeah? Well trust me, fame’s not all it’s cracked up to be! | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1963 | Most people think of me as hard-boiled. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1964 | I'm just glad I'm hard-boiled. | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1965 | And for what? CAKE? | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1966 | It was a massive scramble, the free-range guys cracked first | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1967 | My summer was great, but then I had an awful fall. | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1968 | My lawyer says I have a strong suit against all the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1969 | All I said was, do you really need another donut? | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1970 | I did it to myself, Sam, with all my bigger, better, taller wall talk. | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1971 | Trumpty Dumpty rented a hall Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall Pranked by TikTokers Punked by K-Poppers He was not amused His ego got bruised | 1.2548 | 0.04599 | 157 | 128 | 18 | 11 |
1972 | It wasn't a wall. It was the wagon. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1973 | All the King's horses and all the King's men didn't work. Maybe a Wallbanger will do the trick. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1974 | So we are in an open bar in New York and you think that a talking egg that’s been beaten in sureal? | 1.2548 | 0.04774 | 157 | 130 | 14 | 13 |
1975 | This is my first drink in eleven years. I fell of the wall. | 1.2548 | 0.03929 | 157 | 121 | 32 | 4 |
1976 | All the King's horses just laughed. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1977 | I was sitting there minding my own business, but he just kept egging me on. | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1978 | The guy just wouldn't stop egging me on. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1979 | That’s the problem. The cops can’t tell the good eggs from the bad ones. | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1980 | Forget the horses and the men. Where were all the King’s surgeons? | 1.2548 | 0.04032 | 157 | 122 | 30 | 5 |
1981 | All the King’s horses and all the King’s men don’t take Medicare. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1982 | 'Just one day in that Oval Office . . ." | 1.2548 | 0.04325 | 157 | 125 | 24 | 8 |
1983 | How about a shot of happily ever after? | 1.2548 | 0.04418 | 157 | 126 | 22 | 9 |
1984 | Would have been a mess if I wasn't so hard boiled. | 1.2548 | 0.04132 | 157 | 123 | 28 | 6 |
1985 | Thanks Hank. This is the only place that puts me back together anymore. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1986 | I was first in line until some chicken came along. | 1.2548 | 0.04229 | 157 | 124 | 26 | 7 |
1987 | After the spring and summer we've had so far, we can only hope to have a great fall | 1.2547 | 0.04159 | 161 | 127 | 27 | 7 |
1988 | It was indeed a great fall | 1.2535 | 0.04406 | 142 | 112 | 24 | 6 |
1989 | The horses were only trying to help. | 1.2535 | 0.04173 | 142 | 110 | 28 | 4 |
1990 | I know all the king's horses meant well. | 1.2535 | 0.04291 | 142 | 110 | 26 | 5 |
1991 | All I did was sneeze! | 1.2532 | 0.03969 | 154 | 119 | 31 | 4 |
1992 | Sir, I'm going to need you to put on a mask. | 1.2532 | 0.03969 | 154 | 119 | 31 | 4 |
1993 | If I can’t stay on the wall, why the hell stay on the wagon? | 1.2532 | 0.04566 | 154 | 125 | 19 | 10 |
1994 | Horses! Have you ever heard of a horse that put anything back together? I knew that was it for me right there. | 1.2532 | 0.03861 | 154 | 118 | 33 | 3 |
1995 | So I’m thinking this next stimulus check will actually put me back together again | 1.2532 | 0.04278 | 154 | 122 | 25 | 7 |
1996 | I think I really scrambled my brain. | 1.2532 | 0.04376 | 154 | 123 | 23 | 8 |
1997 | Oh, you're American? I don't think I can put you back together again. | 1.2532 | 0.04566 | 154 | 125 | 19 | 10 |
1998 | I was just sitting up there on the wall minding my own Humpty business, when out of the blue the Chicken starts yelling at me about who got there first... Then WHAM!!! - next thing I know, I'm kissing the sidewalk. | 1.2532 | 0.04278 | 154 | 122 | 25 | 7 |
1999 | Is this what they mean by white fragility? | 1.2532 | 0.04278 | 154 | 122 | 25 | 7 |
2000 | It's time to call Henny Penny | 1.2532 | 0.04566 | 154 | 125 | 19 | 10 |
2001 | I guess I didn't know what to expect from a peaceful protest in front of the White House. | 1.2532 | 0.04278 | 154 | 122 | 25 | 7 |
2002 | On the other hand, cage fighting is everything it's cracked up to be." | 1.2532 | 0.04393 | 158 | 127 | 22 | 9 |
2003 | Look at me. Can you imagine if I wasn't hard-boiled? | 1.2532 | 0.04660 | 158 | 130 | 16 | 12 |
2004 | Hence the term egg beater. | 1.2532 | 0.04393 | 158 | 127 | 22 | 9 |
2005 | Yeah, spring has been terrible, but I had a great fall. | 1.2532 | 0.04206 | 158 | 125 | 26 | 7 |
2006 | Tell me that's not a Harvey Wallbanger. | 1.2532 | 0.04484 | 158 | 128 | 20 | 10 |
2007 | Sheesh. All I said was I wanted to SIT on their wall. | 1.2532 | 0.04206 | 158 | 125 | 26 | 7 |
2008 | Fall? Nah, I jumped. Hey, they were egging me on. | 1.2532 | 0.04393 | 158 | 127 | 22 | 9 |
2009 | Well, you see there was this wall. | 1.2532 | 0.04206 | 158 | 125 | 26 | 7 |
2010 | And then the veterinarian clamped on the forceps and yelled, “Push!” | 1.2531 | 0.04228 | 162 | 129 | 25 | 8 |
2011 | All the kings horses and all the kings men, and I still can’t get a decent drink around here | 1.2518 | 0.04343 | 139 | 109 | 25 | 5 |
2012 | All the King’s horses and all the King’s men regard this as a “pre-existing condition.” | 1.2518 | 0.04343 | 139 | 109 | 25 | 5 |
2013 | only in new york, baby. | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2014 | Thanks for listening Bill, I’m just worried about if the GOP cares about my health when I’m no longer just an egg” | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2015 | only one tonight, Steve. Otherwise i’ll be bouncing off the walls again | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2016 | It was peaceful until all the king’s men started using tear gas. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2017 | Another tough day on the wall? | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2018 | Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall. Humpty Dumpty has a high ball. | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2019 | I can’t believe they egged you on like that, buddy. This ones on the house. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2020 | 2020 walks into a bar | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2021 | Being an egghead isn’t all it’s cracked up to be | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2022 | Don’t egg me on | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2023 | So now whenever I hear about Trump wanting to build that wall it just makes my yolk sizzle. | 1.2500 | 0.04873 | 152 | 127 | 12 | 13 |
2024 | Not sure why they thought all the King’s horses would be of any help... | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2025 | How’s your day been? | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2026 | My mother abandoned me again | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2027 | Apparently it was some sort of photo op! | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2028 | And to top it all off, Trump said I'm ANTIFA. | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2029 | And then the King’s horses got involved... | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2030 | Oh well, you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2031 | Who thought horses was a good idea? | 1.2500 | 0.04217 | 132 | 102 | 27 | 3 |
2032 | all the kings horses and all the kings men are still in quarantine | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2033 | Worse than the wall--I fell off the wagon. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2034 | The King canceled my health insurance. What are his horses supposed to do? | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2035 | Never serve me another Wallbanger. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2036 | I got beat up for poaching! | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2037 | No thanks, Barkeep. I fall off this stool one more time and I'm done for. | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2038 | The wall was beautiful, tremendous. I probably should not have sat on it. | 1.2500 | 0.04691 | 152 | 125 | 16 | 11 |
2039 | Usually I'm a wallflower, but I became the hit of the party when it was time to make the eggnog. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2040 | I'm not in the mood for any of your cracks today! | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2041 | And then the King's Men gave it a shot, but by that time the horses had bungled the whole thing. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2042 | To be honest, it wasn't a great fall. | 1.2500 | 0.03877 | 152 | 117 | 32 | 3 |
2043 | Only Trump would call it "a great fall." | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2044 | My therapist says this is an easier way to come out of my shell. | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2045 | Wall Street had a great fall! | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2046 | i didn't have health insurance so i unfortunately had to rely on all the king's horses and all the king's men.... | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2047 | Looks like you fell off the wagon this time. | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2048 | Right now, I could use a little fix me up. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2049 | Let's just call it a glass, not a tumbler...... | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 121 | 22 | 8 |
2050 | "Now I know what you meant with 'stay off the beaten path' . | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2051 | If you think this is bad, you should see my brother Benedict. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2052 | Life is not what it cracked up to be | 1.2500 | 0.04597 | 152 | 124 | 18 | 10 |
2053 | Build a wall! Build a wall!" they said. They don't have a clue what that means for some of us | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2054 | You know I'm not really a bad egg. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2055 | There’s plenty of room, they said. We’ll make it a baker’s dozen, they said. | 1.2500 | 0.04597 | 152 | 124 | 18 | 10 |
2056 | A little more humpty, a little less dumpty. | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2057 | Getting out of work was easy, Homeschooling 3 kids not so much. | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2058 | I wish they'd just stop throwing us at things, you know? | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2059 | You know, I was fine until those horses tried to help. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2060 | You got it wrong, Charlie. I didn't FALL! It was Trump's wall. The border guards got me. | 1.2500 | 0.04691 | 152 | 125 | 16 | 11 |
2061 | I feel like a shell of a man | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2062 | I sat on the wall and had a great fall, on the Mexico side. All the state's horses and all the state's men put me back together again, for half the cost. | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2063 | I think I've hit the breaking point. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2064 | I Was The Only One Who Survived The Fall, Out of The 12 of Us | 1.2500 | 0.04597 | 152 | 124 | 18 | 10 |
2065 | I have no clue how I got up there! | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2066 | Wall Street. I should have known. | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2067 | Hard day on the wall? | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2068 | King's Scotch puts, all of me, together again. | 1.2500 | 0.04873 | 152 | 127 | 12 | 13 |
2069 | Mmmmm. That should put me back together! | 1.2500 | 0.03988 | 152 | 118 | 30 | 4 |
2070 | Turns out, you're not allowed to sit on top of our southern boarder wall! | 1.2500 | 0.04597 | 152 | 124 | 18 | 10 |
2071 | Actually I was fine until the King's horses arrived" | 1.2500 | 0.03988 | 152 | 118 | 30 | 4 |
2072 | It was a great Fall... but this Spring is what really beat me up. | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2073 | It was just a scratch until all the king’s horses and all the king’s men showed up. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2074 | Well, let’s just say that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are not what they’re cracked up to be. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2075 | Humpty Dumpty made the "last call" | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2076 | All the king's horses and all the king's men turned out to be out-of-network. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2077 | 2020 in an eggshell, leave the bottle please. | 1.2500 | 0.04597 | 152 | 124 | 18 | 10 |
2078 | So I say, "All the king's horses!? All the king's men!? I need a damn doctor!" | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2079 | It wasn't so much the fall; it was all those horses trying to help. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2080 | I've learned my eyes really are bigger than my stomach. | 1.2500 | 0.04769 | 140 | 113 | 17 | 9 |
2081 | Protein. Shaken, not stirred. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2082 | ...and I had to put myself back together. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2083 | The king's horses and king's men didn't help, but that nice girl Jill from the other nursery rhyme did, using vinegar and brown paper. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2084 | I'm a shell of who I used to be." | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2085 | I feel just a shell of my former self | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2086 | I guess I wasn’t as hard boiled as I thought I was. | 1.2500 | 0.03988 | 152 | 118 | 30 | 4 |
2087 | Perhaps a booth would be safer? | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
2088 | I’m not going to the King. It was his men and horses that did this to me. | 1.2500 | 0.04096 | 152 | 119 | 28 | 5 |
2089 | So I said to all the king's men, "would you please just call a doctor!" | 1.2500 | 0.04501 | 152 | 123 | 20 | 9 |
2090 | If you're asking, life isn't all that it's cracked up to be. | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2091 | The King's horses are bad surgeons. | 1.2500 | 0.04403 | 152 | 122 | 22 | 8 |
2092 | I don't know what they didn't understand about over easy. | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2093 | Have you ever had a horse try and put you back together? | 1.2500 | 0.03877 | 152 | 117 | 32 | 3 |
2094 | In my HMO, it's more King's horses than King's men. | 1.2500 | 0.04597 | 152 | 124 | 18 | 10 |
2095 | So, then one of the king's men says, "Let's let the king's horses put him back together again." | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2096 | I protested against the kings men | 1.2500 | 0.04303 | 152 | 121 | 24 | 7 |
2097 | A raw egg as a hangover cure? What are you, some kind of animal? | 1.2484 | 0.04278 | 153 | 122 | 24 | 7 |
2098 | I really don't think I'm cut out to be a hard-boiled private eye. | 1.2484 | 0.04278 | 153 | 122 | 24 | 7 |
2099 | But Trump said the wall was gonna keep us safe | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2100 | This better not be one of those drinks with raw me in it. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2101 | I’ve given up on all the king’s cronies putting me together. Pour me another. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2102 | ... And then he called me a Karen! | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2103 | I hear it’s always sunny-side up in Philadelphia. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2104 | Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Suggested that Humpty drink some tonic and gin | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2105 | Then they tell me that in just a few years the procedure will have advanced enough where you could barely tell I’d been put back together at all. Like that’s good news to me. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2106 | No really, I'm not yoking | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2107 | Honestly Bob, I’m just shattered | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2108 | i'll tell you, high schoolers nowadays are not ready to have babies | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2109 | I’ve never had problems with barstools before. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2110 | I keep telling them, just one of the Queen’s women would get the job done but here we are again” 🤷🏼♀ | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2111 | It was supposed to be a photo-op, but now I’ve egg all over my face. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2112 | Trump’s wall really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2113 | Fell off the wagon again huh? | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2114 | So how long were you on trump’s staff? | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2115 | I just wonder if I’m maybe I’m not doing the exercises right in my at home workout videos | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2116 | I see you've fallen off the wagon again | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2117 | Sat on the wall again, didja? | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2118 | Shaken. Not cracked. | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2119 | Doesn't matter who paid for it, I never thought the wall was a good idea | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2120 | Man, I really should have let the chicken go first. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2121 | An egg walked into a bar | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2122 | ‘Say no to walls!’ | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2123 | One of the King’s men pushed me, but they left that out of their official report. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2124 | I’ll take whatever you have, just not on the rocks. | 1.2483 | 0.03916 | 149 | 115 | 31 | 3 |
2125 | You know, this time I think I'm on the edge of a real breakthrough | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2126 | It’s like nobody can take a yolk anymore. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2127 | Here’s your Wallbanger, Harvey. | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2128 | Hey, at least they didn’t tear gas you | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2129 | Well how would you define insanity then? | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2130 | Not so over easy. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2131 | All the kings horses and all the kings men are social distancing | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2132 | This time it was bad, no yolk | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2133 | I even showed the officer my press credentials | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2134 | No one told me I was an egg. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2135 | Every time I’m here it feels like I’m falling apart | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2136 | Trump got mad because I have a wall | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2137 | Trumpty Dumpty built a wall, Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall... | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2138 | No Sam…I don’t want to hear your funny yoke… | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2139 | No I'm serious, not a single one | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2140 | I was really hoping for a seat in a booth today | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2141 | I wish I didn’t have King’s Horses and Men health insurance. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2142 | Bruised but not beaten. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2143 | Fortunately, I'm hard-boiled. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2144 | So my attorney says sue the King's men for malpractice, they never shoulda let their horses get involved in the operation. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2145 | The king’s horses and the king’s men were worthless. Thank heavens for the king’s public health professionals. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2146 | So much for being their nest egg. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2147 | I'm thinking, Wall Street's not the best neighborhood for me. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2148 | It was only then that I realized I was in an all-day breakfast diner. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2149 | Sure, he sends all his horses and all his men. But did he wonder for one second why I was on that wall to begin with? | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2150 | Before you say it, yes, the chicken came first again! | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2151 | To be honest, I'm still a bit shellshocked. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2152 | Gimme something to remind me of the sunny side... | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2153 | Let me tell you about white fragility! | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2154 | My wife caught me with this Free Range chick and beat the 'devil outta me' ! | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2155 | Sorry Sir, we don't serve breakfast here. | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2156 | The doctor says I may have to be scrambled. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2157 | Make it a double. When I fell off the wall, they tried to turn me into an omelet! | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2158 | My analyst says it's an eggsitential crisis. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2159 | Make it a double. I’m fried. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2160 | Then one of the horses says it’s a pre-existing condition and everyone leaves. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2161 | The question is: was it worth being put back together again? | 1.2483 | 0.03973 | 149 | 118 | 26 | 5 |
2162 | The wall isn't what it's cracked up to be. | 1.2483 | 0.04086 | 149 | 119 | 24 | 6 |
2163 | I'm getting too old for parkour... | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2164 | My brain feels scrambled. | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2165 | They just came at me man, those omelette chefs cornered me. Leave the bottle. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2166 | Wall? No sir, I fell off the wagon. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2167 | Can you please make that fizz somewhere else? | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2168 | Bad day? Tell me about it. | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2169 | But it’s like my father always said, if you’re going to fall, make it a GREAT fall... | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2170 | My men called out "There's Humpty" and the marching crowd thought they said "Trumpty." | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2171 | After they pushed me they all began cracking up. I got up and just started running. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2172 | The police were everywhere...but at least I didn't get a yolk hold. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2173 | Yep. I fell off the wagon. | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2174 | The guy thought I said "Humpty Trumpty." | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2175 | I can't believe I voted form him and his wall. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2176 | It's not so bad, they said. Their only throwing eggs, they said. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2177 | I fell off the wagon, not a wall. | 1.2483 | 0.03916 | 149 | 115 | 31 | 3 |
2178 | Spring and summer have been rough, so I’m hoping for a great fall. | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2179 | Sure, we have to break some eggs to make an omelet, but why me? | 1.2483 | 0.03916 | 149 | 115 | 31 | 3 |
2180 | Wall Street is killing me this year. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2181 | It was the organic gang; they're tougher than they look | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2182 | They put me back together this time. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2183 | ...and the yolk was on me. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2184 | I came first... | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2185 | So then she says I should just spend the night and have breakfast in the morning. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2186 | The stunt double never showed up. | 1.2483 | 0.03916 | 149 | 115 | 31 | 3 |
2187 | Make it a double. Getting fried is starting to sounding good . | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2188 | I said ..’And it really cracked me up’, and she said ‘prove it’. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2189 | All the king's men were busy enforcing the curfew... | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2190 | Of course that's all you've heard--that's the story that's been endorsed by the King's horses and men. | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2191 | Apparently, it was climbable. | 1.2483 | 0.03421 | 149 | 121 | 23 | 5 |
2192 | All the king’s horses and all the king’s men beat the crap out of me. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2193 | Compared to that, falling off the wagon doesn't seem so bad. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2194 | It's not easy being an egghead in America. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2195 | It is apparent that Humpty did not, in fact, have a great Fall. | 1.2483 | 0.03916 | 149 | 115 | 31 | 3 |
2196 | And, of course, the body camera "malfunctioned." | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2197 | Was minding my own business sitting on top of a confederate statue, when all of a sudden........... | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2198 | Do I look like someone who takes it "neat"? | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2199 | Don't ever think you need to be in the room where it happens. | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 120 | 19 | 7 |
2200 | Oh man, I'm poached! | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2201 | Not a wall, the wagon. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2202 | After a fall, Trumpty Dumpty likes some whine. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2203 | Who knew a wall could make people so angry? | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2204 | Just a drink.......no cracking jokes please.! | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2205 | He got mad when he pulled me over, asked for my name and I said Humpty Dumpty. He didn’t even ask for my license! | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2206 | Yeah, I was sitting on Trump's wall | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2207 | 'Honey, you've got to crack some eggs to make an omelet' seemed like a good pickup line at the time | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2208 | This should go right through you . . . | 1.2483 | 0.03286 | 149 | 120 | 25 | 4 |
2209 | We need to build bridges, not walls | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2210 | 'That ramp was like Ice, I tell ya, and steep! | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2211 | I’m done trying to put myself back together again. | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2212 | My mind is in scrambles! | 1.2483 | 0.03973 | 149 | 118 | 26 | 5 |
2213 | That better be strong. All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do it. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2214 | They did this to me all because it's very hard for me to keep my face mask on. So... I scrambled in here for a drink. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2215 | I'm about to give "Down the hatch" new meaning. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2216 | No more Wallbangers for me. | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2217 | With all his talk of wall building, I figured he'd hire a good contractor. | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2218 | I was walking past the White House as Trump was crossing the street. | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2219 | I tried to explain to them that "Defund the King's Men" shouldn't be taken literally. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2220 | Make it a double, Sammy. I’m in a world of hurt. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2221 | Geesh, no one can take a yolk anymore! | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2222 | You might not believe this, but I was once the President of the United States. The best, probably, ever in the history of this great country! | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2223 | I keep telling them... the problems start when you build a wall. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2224 | All I said to the chicken was "I was first" | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2225 | And you're sure the cure will be here by the first week in November? | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2226 | Nah, all the King's men were too busy building the wall. | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 115 | 29 | 4 |
2227 | The frontline workers did an excellent job but they didn't have any masks left | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2228 | They really do walk on eggshells around here. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2229 | Keep 'em comin. All the king's horses & all the king's men are looking at a class action lawsuit. | 1.2483 | 0.03916 | 149 | 115 | 31 | 3 |
2230 | I'm more opposed than ever to building the Wall. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2231 | Remind me to never put Dumpty for Trumpty on a bumper sticker again. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2232 | She told me I had to break out of my shell, but this sh*t is hard. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2233 | They said it was only elective surgery and I'll have to wait | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2234 | I wasn't always empty inside. | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2235 | I was just sitting on a wall when the king's horses and the king's men showed up in full riot gear. | 1.2483 | 0.04656 | 149 | 122 | 17 | 10 |
2236 | Someone shouted "Come down from there!" So I did. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2237 | Forget about King's horses and men, I'm just hoping my HMO covers political fallout. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2238 | Eggnog? Seriously? | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
2239 | So there I was -- President of the United States. And then all the King's men wrote tell-all books. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2240 | I’m shaken, not stirred | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2241 | Be careful going down ramps! | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2242 | You have anywhere to sit that's lower to the ground? | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2243 | You think the combover works? | 1.2483 | 0.04558 | 149 | 121 | 19 | 9 |
2244 | Turns out the last one in IS a rotten egg. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2245 | Humpty got smashed. | 1.2483 | 0.04249 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
2246 | I was going to quit drinking boss, but I cracked. | 1.2483 | 0.04354 | 149 | 119 | 23 | 7 |
2247 | It was actually a wagon. | 1.2483 | 0.04457 | 149 | 120 | 21 | 8 |
2248 | Did you remember to sanitize your hands? | 1.2483 | 0.04030 | 149 | 116 | 29 | 4 |
2249 | I was doing fine until one of the king’s horses stepped on me. | 1.2482 | 0.04490 | 137 | 109 | 22 | 6 |
2250 | The worst was when the horses also wanted to give it a try! | 1.2482 | 0.04369 | 137 | 108 | 24 | 5 |
2251 | ...and whose idea was it to get "all the kings HORSES" involved? | 1.2481 | 0.04579 | 133 | 106 | 21 | 6 |
2252 | I’ll have a vodka martini, scrambled, not stirred | 1.2467 | 0.04224 | 150 | 119 | 25 | 6 |
2253 | I guess people just really hate gigantic, sentient, ambulatory eggs. | 1.2467 | 0.04530 | 150 | 122 | 19 | 9 |
2254 | I heard the ice cream truck right after my wife cleaned the sliding glass door. | 1.2467 | 0.04224 | 150 | 119 | 25 | 6 |
2255 | Yeah, typecast again. | 1.2463 | 0.04549 | 134 | 107 | 21 | 6 |
2256 | Luckily, the king’s men got to me first. | 1.2463 | 0.04549 | 134 | 107 | 21 | 6 |
2257 | Wall Street, am I right? | 1.2463 | 0.04424 | 134 | 106 | 23 | 5 |
2258 | Just a little glue please. | 1.2463 | 0.04670 | 134 | 108 | 19 | 7 |
2259 | All the King's Horses didn't help at all. | 1.2463 | 0.04295 | 134 | 105 | 25 | 4 |
2260 | I was fine until all the king’s horses got involved. | 1.2463 | 0.04424 | 134 | 106 | 23 | 5 |
2261 | Horses don't have hands. | 1.2463 | 0.04295 | 134 | 105 | 25 | 4 |
2262 | I guess I’ve learned my lesson about egging people on... | 1.2449 | 0.04486 | 147 | 119 | 20 | 8 |
2263 | Yeah my summer was great, but I’ve had a hell of a fall. | 1.2449 | 0.04049 | 147 | 115 | 28 | 4 |
2264 | Is my crack showing? | 1.2449 | 0.04162 | 147 | 116 | 26 | 5 |
2265 | No more for me. My brain’s already scrambled. | 1.2449 | 0.04273 | 147 | 117 | 24 | 6 |
2266 | I'm celebrating! I almost became a Deviled Egg! | 1.2449 | 0.04486 | 147 | 119 | 20 | 8 |
2267 | All I said was, ‘Why aren’t you wearing a mask?’ And by the way, why aren’t you?” | 1.2449 | 0.04381 | 147 | 118 | 22 | 7 |
2268 | It was an Eggbeater! | 1.2449 | 0.04273 | 147 | 117 | 24 | 6 |
2269 | Thank God for the EMTs! The King's horses were useless. | 1.2449 | 0.04162 | 147 | 116 | 26 | 5 |
2270 | I'd like my drink scrambled, not stirred. | 1.2444 | 0.04518 | 135 | 108 | 21 | 6 |
2271 | They kept trying to fix me themselves instead of just calling 911. | 1.2432 | 0.04137 | 148 | 117 | 26 | 5 |
2272 | You're kidding - egg nog? | 1.2432 | 0.04354 | 148 | 119 | 22 | 7 |
2273 | Actually, I feel like an omelette. | 1.2424 | 0.04318 | 132 | 104 | 24 | 4 |
2274 | I have a good notion to report those horses to the AMA. | 1.2424 | 0.04824 | 132 | 108 | 16 | 8 |
2275 | Falling off the wall wasn't the problem. It was those goddam kings' horses. | 1.2424 | 0.04578 | 132 | 106 | 20 | 6 |
2276 | The horses were really unnecessary. | 1.2424 | 0.04318 | 132 | 104 | 24 | 4 |
2277 | The horses actually turned out to be better dermatologists than all the king's men | 1.2424 | 0.04578 | 132 | 106 | 20 | 6 |
2278 | I'm on the royal health plan, but only the king's horses were in-network. | 1.2416 | 0.04431 | 149 | 121 | 20 | 8 |
2279 | Hit me. | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2280 | needless to say, my friend, she was not too happy to learn it was me that came first | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2281 | My insurance said ALL the king's horses was not medically necessary | 1.2414 | 0.04514 | 145 | 118 | 19 | 8 |
2282 | Just one. I have a splitting headache 🤕 | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2283 | No, I’m not okay. | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2284 | ...and THEN there’s my fibromyalgia... | 1.2414 | 0.04407 | 145 | 117 | 21 | 7 |
2285 | Bartender: “Fall down on the job again?” | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2286 | Egg lives matter... | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2287 | Harvey Wallbanger. | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2288 | I told them I fell off a wall because I didn’t want them to know I fell off the wagon. | 1.2414 | 0.04514 | 145 | 118 | 19 | 8 |
2289 | I'm no chicken! | 1.2414 | 0.04514 | 145 | 118 | 19 | 8 |
2290 | A drink at a bar, fix it all | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2291 | It was like an ice-skating rink, no handrails.! What they won’t show you is I ran down the last ten feet of that wall! I looked very handsome. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2292 | Does it look like I want it on the rocks?! | 1.2414 | 0.04407 | 145 | 117 | 21 | 7 |
2293 | Have you got something to wash the taste of police brutality out of my mouth? | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2294 | I didn’t want to be an egghead, so I went to a brown eggs matter protest. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2295 | I know I got laid. After that, it's all scrambled. Feeling fried. Pretty close to rock bottom. | 1.2414 | 0.04514 | 145 | 118 | 19 | 8 |
2296 | So the King's horses and the King's men are putting me back together and one of them has a "Buy one get one free" card, and here I am! | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2297 | Worse, they were the King's men. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2298 | I just feel like I hit a wall or something. | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2299 | Pour me something that helps me forget 2020 ever happened. | 1.2414 | 0.04126 | 145 | 116 | 22 | 6 |
2300 | Double, please. Hold the irony. | 1.2414 | 0.04722 | 145 | 120 | 15 | 10 |
2301 | He might have plenty of horses and men - but let me tell you, he has one lousy health insurance plan. | 1.2414 | 0.04619 | 145 | 119 | 17 | 9 |
2302 | Another great fall, sir? | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2303 | So then this chick lays me on a wall... | 1.2414 | 0.04407 | 145 | 116 | 21 | 7 |
2304 | Betcha can’t guess what street I work on.... | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2305 | You know, being an egg is not all that it's cracked up to be. | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2306 | It was a great fall but it’s been a lousy summer. | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2307 | This was the best they could do after I posed for the photo-op on the President's wall. | 1.2414 | 0.04514 | 145 | 118 | 19 | 8 |
2308 | A cop thought I was a protester. | 1.2414 | 0.04407 | 145 | 117 | 21 | 7 |
2309 | Damn him, and his wall... | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2310 | Give me a double. This time I fell off the wagon. | 1.2414 | 0.04407 | 145 | 117 | 21 | 7 |
2311 | Very fine people, indeed. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2312 | She said she didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore. | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2313 | I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2314 | Ends up that all the king's horses and all the kings men weren't all that they were cracked up to be. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2315 | Humphrey Dunfy... why do you ask | 1.2414 | 0.04068 | 145 | 114 | 27 | 4 |
2316 | ...and a shot of Krazy Glue, if you have it? | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2317 | King's Horses gin, please. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2318 | Humpty Drunky | 1.2414 | 0.04514 | 145 | 118 | 19 | 8 |
2319 | You have no idea! All those horses, all those men.... | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2320 | She humped me, then she dumped me... | 1.2414 | 0.04241 | 145 | 118 | 20 | 7 |
2321 | Luckily, the protesters got to me before the King’s men. | 1.2414 | 0.04297 | 145 | 116 | 23 | 6 |
2322 | All I Asked for Was an Egg White Cocktail at a BLM Rally | 1.2414 | 0.05111 | 145 | 124 | 7 | 14 |
2323 | You should see the eleven other guys." | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2324 | I say its high time to defund All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men | 1.2397 | 0.04159 | 146 | 116 | 25 | 5 |
2325 | So hear me out, man! This kid put me in a spoon for his birthday or something and just started running! Man, this year is the worst | 1.2394 | 0.04112 | 142 | 112 | 26 | 4 |
2326 | The horses? Why the horses? | 1.2394 | 0.04572 | 142 | 115 | 18 | 8 |
2327 | Beaten up to perfection; that's how she wants me! | 1.2394 | 0.04112 | 142 | 112 | 26 | 4 |
2328 | Just seltzer for me, I don't want to fall off the wagon too. | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 114 | 22 | 6 |
2329 | I'm just glad I have insurance. | 1.2394 | 0.03862 | 142 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2330 | Don’t worry, I’m not one of the king’s men. | 1.2394 | 0.05089 | 142 | 121 | 8 | 13 |
2331 | You want to talk about a great fall, look at the Dow. | 1.2394 | 0.04462 | 142 | 115 | 20 | 7 |
2332 | Then I said to the guy, “if you hit me one more time I’m going to crack!” | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2333 | I’m OK. I’m just feeling a little scrambled. | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 114 | 22 | 6 |
2334 | Here is a little pick me up. | 1.2394 | 0.04462 | 142 | 115 | 20 | 7 |
2335 | This world’s not all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2336 | I’ll tell you this - the King’s horses are not medically trained! | 1.2394 | 0.04112 | 142 | 112 | 26 | 4 |
2337 | Turns out, life in the city isn't all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2394 | 0.04572 | 142 | 116 | 18 | 8 |
2338 | Good question. How DID I get up there? | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 114 | 22 | 6 |
2339 | None of the King's horses knew what they were doing. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2340 | I never really wanted a fairy tale life. | 1.2394 | 0.03989 | 142 | 111 | 28 | 3 |
2341 | All the king's horses didn't help. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2342 | When you can't trust all the king's horses and all the king's men, who can you trust? | 1.2394 | 0.04112 | 142 | 112 | 26 | 4 |
2343 | Thanks for not telling me she's a vegan. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2344 | She broke more than my heart. | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 114 | 22 | 6 |
2345 | Yeah, and my summer wasn't so great either! | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 113 | 22 | 6 |
2346 | It wasn't really all that great. | 1.2394 | 0.03989 | 142 | 111 | 28 | 3 |
2347 | Stools, I can sit on. | 1.2394 | 0.04462 | 142 | 115 | 20 | 7 |
2348 | Eggnog please. | 1.2394 | 0.04680 | 142 | 117 | 16 | 9 |
2349 | All the king’s horses are pretty awesome actually. | 1.2394 | 0.04462 | 142 | 115 | 20 | 7 |
2350 | If he won't listen to the daily briefing, what makes you think he'll listen to me? | 1.2394 | 0.04680 | 142 | 117 | 16 | 9 |
2351 | Only you can put me back together again, Tommy. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2352 | Lemme tell ya, all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do jack squat. | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 114 | 22 | 6 |
2353 | I dunno--maybe they're right about my drinking. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2354 | Humpty Dumpty thinks he had it rough. | 1.2394 | 0.04348 | 142 | 114 | 22 | 6 |
2355 | Turns out all the King's men is outside my HMO. | 1.2394 | 0.04112 | 142 | 112 | 26 | 4 |
2356 | I was only trying to crack a joke. | 1.2394 | 0.03989 | 142 | 111 | 28 | 3 |
2357 | I had a great fall, but COVID made for a bad spring. | 1.2394 | 0.04232 | 142 | 113 | 24 | 5 |
2358 | I was pushed. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2359 | Nobody told me what the reveal gender party was all about. | 1.2357 | 0.04602 | 140 | 115 | 17 | 8 |
2360 | Well, Sam, once I fell off the wagon, it was inevitable I'd fall off the wall. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2361 | Last call for you, Humpty. I wouldn't want you to have another great fall. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2362 | It wasn't the fall that did it. It was all the king's horses and men. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2363 | I never liked all this wall politics to begin with | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2364 | Make mine a double, I need to get pickled tonight. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2365 | That was an egg-cellent party though! | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2366 | When I said I needed a break from 2020 -not what I meant. | 1.2357 | 0.04005 | 140 | 110 | 27 | 3 |
2367 | yeah I'm also broke | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2368 | You know so many eggs are having great falls because they’re running so many wall tests. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2369 | ID? ... But, I'm THE Humpty Dumpty. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2370 | I thought it would be different this time | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2371 | Yeah, she humpty-dumped me. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2372 | I wasn’t even on the wall this time | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2373 | Spring has been rough, but I’m hoping for a great Fall | 1.2357 | 0.04926 | 140 | 118 | 11 | 11 |
2374 | Humpty Dumpty walked into a bar. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2375 | And the king's men just turned a blind eye towards me. | 1.2357 | 0.04821 | 140 | 117 | 13 | 10 |
2376 | Right from the start, I knew she wanted to change me... but I’ve just realized it was into an omelet. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2377 | Just make sure I don’t get smashed again. | 1.2357 | 0.04602 | 140 | 115 | 17 | 8 |
2378 | Stirred, not scrambled. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2379 | The kings' horses and men were useless - it was my therapist that really put me back together. | 1.2357 | 0.03875 | 140 | 109 | 29 | 2 |
2380 | Well, the yolk was on me! | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2381 | Not another Harvey Wallbanger, please" | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2382 | Gin...no Fizz. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2383 | I had a great Fall. But it’s been a lousy Spring. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2384 | Give me a break! | 1.2357 | 0.04602 | 140 | 115 | 17 | 8 |
2385 | But the real damage was done by the king's horses. | 1.2357 | 0.04713 | 140 | 116 | 15 | 9 |
2386 | All in all, I wasn't just Another Brick in The Wall | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2387 | Actually, no thanks, I think I've hit the wall. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2388 | Still fighting with the chicken who came first? | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2389 | Better this than more crack. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2390 | The kids don’t need to know why I fell. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2391 | Wish I was as thick-skinned as the President. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2392 | Make that a double Wallbanger. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2393 | No more for me, or I'll fall off the stool, too. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2394 | Long story short, I fucked up. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2395 | I shouldn't have said, 'ya dumb fork' to an eggbeater. | 1.2357 | 0.04602 | 140 | 115 | 17 | 8 |
2396 | I didn't fall, I was pushed off that wall! | 1.2357 | 0.04713 | 140 | 116 | 15 | 9 |
2397 | She threw me over for another guy. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2398 | Dude. I’m just lucky they got me put back together again. Know what I’m sayin’? | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2399 | Hit me again Joe... I'm fried already anyway. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2400 | I’m an egg- what the hell am I doing at a bar? If I get pickled someone might eat me! | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2401 | I was actually doing OK until all the King’s men arrived. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2402 | Sitting on a wall isn't all its cracked up to be. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2403 | I swear to god, James... I’m about to crack. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2404 | I didn't mean make ME a Pisco Sour... | 1.2357 | 0.04713 | 140 | 116 | 15 | 9 |
2405 | Just a soft drink, please. I'm feeling a little fragile. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2406 | They told me I had no business sitting on a wall in the first place. | 1.2357 | 0.04005 | 140 | 110 | 27 | 3 |
2407 | I should have waited to cross the road. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2408 | They even brought all the king’s horses to the after party. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2409 | Why do I have to get all the breaks? | 1.2357 | 0.03875 | 140 | 109 | 29 | 2 |
2410 | They yelled something about "white fragility" and then shoved me off the wall! | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2411 | Same old story, I fell off the wagon. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2412 | The wall wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2413 | Pour me something that'll put me together again. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2414 | No, Bert, forget the wall, it’s like something’s inside me trying to get out. | 1.2357 | 0.04602 | 140 | 115 | 17 | 8 |
2415 | It's always the same--first the wall, then the wagon. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2416 | Do not call the king's horses. | 1.2357 | 0.04005 | 140 | 110 | 27 | 3 |
2417 | Make it a double, Joe. Yeah, eggheads are still taking it on the chin. | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2418 | I told you the wall wasn’t such a ‘great’ idea | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2419 | It looks bad but the injuries appear to all be eggsternal. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2420 | They used to call it”shell shock”. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2421 | All I said was, it's Humpty, not Humphrey. | 1.2357 | 0.04373 | 140 | 113 | 21 | 6 |
2422 | Actually, it was the king's horses and men that did this to me. | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2423 | I took a beating. | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2424 | I wouldn't exactly say it was a GREAT fall... | 1.2357 | 0.04005 | 140 | 110 | 27 | 3 |
2425 | Does alcohol help with the crack problem? | 1.2357 | 0.04489 | 140 | 114 | 19 | 7 |
2426 | If you ever have a fall, take my advice. Avoid the King's horses and the King's men | 1.2357 | 0.04132 | 140 | 111 | 25 | 4 |
2427 | Do you have anything stronger? I can’t fall apart like this again... | 1.2357 | 0.04254 | 140 | 112 | 23 | 5 |
2428 | I can't figure out why I'm always falling off that wall. | 1.2357 | 0.04005 | 140 | 110 | 27 | 3 |
2429 | The good news, I didn't run. | 1.2357 | 0.04713 | 140 | 116 | 15 | 9 |
2430 | All the horses and Kingsmen wasn't quite enough | 1.2344 | 0.04503 | 128 | 103 | 20 | 5 |
2431 | It was only a wire fence Amigo, not a wall! | 1.2339 | 0.04451 | 124 | 99 | 21 | 4 |
2432 | All I said was “everybody deserves basic human rights” to my Aunt Karen | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2433 | And thrn I said, 'Your Majesty, why all the men on horseback? What we really need is universal health care'. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2434 | Last time I go see a live show of the TV program "Chopped ". | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2435 | This drink is called ‘all the King’s horses and all the King’s men.’ | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2436 | And I says to her, I says, if those are organic then I’m Jumbo | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2437 | I'm positive the saying is; Break a leg! | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2438 | I fell off both the wall and the wagon this time | 1.2336 | 0.04777 | 137 | 114 | 14 | 9 |
2439 | Maybe try standing? I don’t think sitting is your strong suit. | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2440 | He said no one builds walls better than him. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2441 | I should have sheltered in place. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2442 | ‘Give it to me over-easy’ | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2443 | Just not on the rocks | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2444 | ... so you’re saying that after working on the wall, all of Trump’s horses and all of Trump’s men, did... this? | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2445 | The King's Horses and men just left me to die but then along came this little Swedish girl... | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2446 | Bar tender: 2020 broke you too, huh? | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2447 | I had to go two kingdoms over to get the surgery I needed. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2448 | It turns out walls DON’T work, and neither does injecting UV light | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 108 | 24 | 4 |
2449 | ‘The director was lousy. It took sixteen takes.’ | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2450 | Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2451 | Don’t worry pal, I’ll spare you the egg puns and Humpty Dumpty jokes. You’re safe here fella. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2452 | All the King’s horses and all the King’s men applied ‘reasonable and necessary force’ against Humpty again | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2453 | I’ll take anything, just not on the rocks. You can see how that turned out... | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2454 | I hope thats not WHISKey Joe... | 1.2336 | 0.04997 | 137 | 116 | 10 | 11 |
2455 | ‘Great’ is a bit rich. It wasn’t even my best, if I’m really being honest with myself. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2456 | You know that wall they're building? You won't believe this... | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2457 | 12 Angry Eggs” the play I was cast in, ended up being a lot different than I expected | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2458 | Gimme a steep one, taken apart and put back together—been that kinda day. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2459 | I’m drinking until kingdom come. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2460 | My wife beats me and my cholesterol's high. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2461 | ...and then I yelled "I came first!" | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2462 | I said 'no, the name is Humpt', but they dumped me anyway... | 1.2336 | 0.03981 | 137 | 110 | 23 | 4 |
2463 | You'd be surprised how many bars refuse service to crackheads. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2464 | My job’s not exactly all it’s cracked up to be either. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2465 | So much for a bigly, tremendous wall like the world has never seen. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2466 | There's only so long you can quarantine on a wall! | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2467 | And a dash of puncture seal, please. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2468 | I just got out of a four-hour meeting with all the king's horses and all the king's men. | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2469 | How do you think I’m feeling? - -Multiple fractures; I broke my Yolk; The prognosis is between pre-Scrambled and Egg Drop Soup | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2470 | So much for help from all the King's horses. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2471 | From now on, no walls, only barstools | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2472 | I cracked up but luckily I’m pretty hard boiled. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2473 | No one wants to talk about how I fell. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2474 | Better make it a double, Sam, my head is about to eggsplode. | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2475 | I just keep cracking, man. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2476 | It's not like they tried very hard. I mean, THE KING'S HORSES? Come on, give me a break! | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2477 | I just can't get behind having another wall. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2478 | My insurance plan only covers the king’s horses | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2479 | And then she said , "Do I look fat in this shell?" | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2480 | Extra ice please. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2481 | I’m down in the dumpties. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2482 | All the kings horse's and all the king's men finally put me together again, so you can make that a double, John. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2483 | It's getting bad, Joe. I can't get laid, and I'm having a hard time keeping myself together. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2484 | And please don't say I should've worn a mask. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2485 | Whose bright idea was it to get the horses involved? | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2486 | The White House Easter egg roll is getting a little rough these days. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2487 | His horses didn't help matters. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2488 | IT'S OK. I FELL OFF THE WAGON | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2489 | All the King's Horse's and all the King's men where the only provider in my Network. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2490 | To tell the truth I’m feeling a little scrambled. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2491 | I asked for over easy | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2492 | Then the king's horses and men took me to this hospital. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2493 | I drink, I fall down. I fall down, I stand up. I stand up, I drink. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2494 | ER visit? Yeah right. My HMO only authorizes me to see the King's Horses now. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2495 | Fake news. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2496 | A more hard-boiled type wouldn't get as upset as me about this. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2497 | They thought I was poaching but could not take a yolk | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2498 | The king's men were great, but his horses have no business working in an ER. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2499 | You know I can hardly remember my name. I think I might have shell shock. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2500 | All of a sudden they started using egg beaters. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2501 | Yeah, some place where I can get in on the ground floor... | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2502 | Pickle me, Charlie. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2503 | I'm cracking-up. Going cage free was a giant mistake | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2504 | They did put me back together again but not sure it's going to last so make it a double. | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2505 | So we're sitting on the wall, and she says, tell me about yourself. So I say, "well, I am ovoid, 19, and," then she screams, decks me, and I end up in pieces on the ground. | 1.2336 | 0.04777 | 137 | 114 | 14 | 9 |
2506 | I was sitting in a diner and the guy next to me ordered scrambled eggs. The rest is too painful to talk about. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2507 | The worst part is, I lost my mask. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2508 | I was just lucky one of the Kings Men was a medic! | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2509 | You'd better make it a double,Sam. I had to do home surgery since all the King's horses and men are shelthering in place. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2510 | "I'm sitting with two guys who start arguing about how to make an omelet." | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2511 | That'll just go right through me. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2512 | And then the other Kings Man said, "Well wearing a mask is not manly." and then all hell broke loose. | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2513 | Do you think I'll ever get another big break? | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2514 | I don't know how people roll with these things | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2515 | Everyone tells me it was a very great fall. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2516 | And then she started yelling, 'I've coddled you far too long, Mr. Humpty Dumpty!' | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2517 | Please cancel my order, I'm broke | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2518 | Don’t worry Mexico will pay for this. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2519 | “Crazy how I ended up in this hole in the wall.” | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2520 | One thing I learned is to never sit on a wall when you've been drinking. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2521 | They called me Humpty Dumpty. Like all eggs look a like. | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2522 | It turns out the horses and men were able to put me together again. Make it a double. | 1.2336 | 0.04777 | 137 | 114 | 14 | 9 |
2523 | Do you have a hangover cure that doesn’t involve raw eggs? | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2524 | This new piñata gig is tougher than I thought. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2525 | I’ll be okay, Mexico’s gonna pay for it. | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2526 | And then he said "Mr. Gorbachev..." | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2527 | All the King’s men were incompetent. One good woman would have been nice ! | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2528 | Get this: my health plan uses 'the king's horses'. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2529 | I, for one, wish they’d reinstate social distancing. | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2530 | I Cant Fart | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2531 | I don't think a screwdriver and a rusty nail will be enough to put me back together. | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2532 | I'll trade you a runny yolk for a funny joke. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2533 | He said Mexicans would pay for the wall. I can't believe I fell for it. | 1.2336 | 0.04664 | 137 | 113 | 16 | 8 |
2534 | I know, just sitting on a wall sounds easy, but... | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2535 | None of the king's horses and none of the king's men were on my insurance. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2536 | And then he said, 'You've got egg on your face.' I cracked. | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2537 | This coming Fall is going to be even worse! | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2538 | You should have seen what they've done with the golden goose | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2539 | And I looked up at him and said, ‘nobody calls me chicken!’ | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2540 | I thought wall tester would be an easy gig ! | 1.2336 | 0.04428 | 137 | 111 | 20 | 6 |
2541 | Be careful, I'm fragile... | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 107 | 26 | 3 |
2542 | Let me guess.... A harvey Wallbanger?" | 1.2336 | 0.04048 | 137 | 108 | 26 | 3 |
2543 | Better make it an eggnog; the break up didn't go over easy. | 1.2336 | 0.04305 | 137 | 110 | 22 | 5 |
2544 | Last thing I remember hearing was “Hey let’s make an omelette” | 1.2336 | 0.04178 | 137 | 109 | 24 | 4 |
2545 | Couldn't? They didn't want to put me back together because I have proof Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2546 | If they had GMO back then, Uncle Humpty would still be here. | 1.2336 | 0.04547 | 137 | 112 | 18 | 7 |
2547 | You know me... tough on the outside, gooey on the inside. | 1.2328 | 0.04952 | 116 | 95 | 15 | 6 |
2548 | Turns out that just a couple of the King's women got it done. | 1.2319 | 0.04399 | 138 | 112 | 20 | 6 |
2549 | You should've seen Dumpty! | 1.2308 | 0.04761 | 117 | 95 | 17 | 5 |
2550 | Can we just talk this time? | 1.2308 | 0.05155 | 104 | 85 | 14 | 5 |
2551 | Getting pushed off the wall was bad enough, but then the King proclaimed that I was a terrorist. | 1.2308 | 0.04622 | 143 | 119 | 15 | 9 |
2552 | 'Tried to social distance. Ran out of wall.' | 1.2308 | 0.04441 | 130 | 105 | 20 | 5 |
2553 | Hey at least I'm not the only thing falling apart right now. | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 108 | 21 | 5 |
2554 | Supposedly there were just one or two bad apples among all the king's men | 1.2296 | 0.04198 | 135 | 108 | 23 | 4 |
2555 | And then the cops showed up. | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 109 | 21 | 5 |
2556 | yeah you know I’m a little broken up over it man, one day we’re fine and next thing I know she’s dyed her shell and is in an omelet with some other guy | 1.2296 | 0.04454 | 135 | 110 | 19 | 6 |
2557 | Can I get you a fix? | 1.2296 | 0.04576 | 135 | 111 | 17 | 7 |
2558 | I’m tellin ya, the king’s men just kept on walkin” | 1.2296 | 0.04454 | 135 | 110 | 19 | 6 |
2559 | ...and all that for a photo shoot. Better make it a double. | 1.2296 | 0.04454 | 135 | 110 | 19 | 6 |
2560 | An egg walks into a bar-- very funny. | 1.2296 | 0.04198 | 135 | 107 | 23 | 4 |
2561 | She misunderstood when I asked her to spoon me. | 1.2296 | 0.04198 | 135 | 108 | 23 | 4 |
2562 | I'll take mine over easy. | 1.2296 | 0.04198 | 135 | 108 | 23 | 4 |
2563 | You've gotta be hard-boiled to make it out there today. | 1.2296 | 0.04064 | 135 | 107 | 25 | 3 |
2564 | Sure, it was a GREAT fall. But the winter and spring have sucked. | 1.2296 | 0.04064 | 135 | 107 | 25 | 3 |
2565 | Is this what it feels like to hit rock bottom ? | 1.2296 | 0.04576 | 135 | 111 | 17 | 7 |
2566 | I should stop trying to get out of my shell | 1.2296 | 0.04198 | 135 | 108 | 23 | 4 |
2567 | Tough week ??? Eggs...actly ! | 1.2296 | 0.04198 | 135 | 108 | 23 | 4 |
2568 | So I took up some rock climbing during my furlough. | 1.2296 | 0.04695 | 135 | 112 | 15 | 8 |
2569 | All the king’s horses and all the king’s men? Buddy, you need a new HMO! | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 109 | 21 | 5 |
2570 | All the King's Horse's All the King's Men Will NEVER touch my Humpty Dumpty again! | 1.2296 | 0.04454 | 135 | 110 | 19 | 6 |
2571 | It happened in Berlin. Late 1989. | 1.2296 | 0.04812 | 135 | 113 | 13 | 9 |
2572 | Look on WHAT 'Sunny Side'? | 1.2296 | 0.04576 | 135 | 111 | 17 | 7 |
2573 | Throwing someone under the bus is not just an idiomatic phrase. | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 109 | 21 | 5 |
2574 | One minute I was on top and then I hit the wall. | 1.2296 | 0.04454 | 135 | 110 | 19 | 6 |
2575 | I know I should have gone to the hospital but with the COVID thing going on...ya know?! | 1.2296 | 0.04454 | 135 | 110 | 19 | 6 |
2576 | Plus why the hell they would let the King's horses have a go at it, is beyond me. | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 109 | 21 | 5 |
2577 | All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't drink as much Scotch as I need right now. | 1.2296 | 0.04812 | 135 | 113 | 13 | 9 |
2578 | Forget the king's horses, forget the king's men, Give me the whisky - I'll be better again! | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 109 | 21 | 5 |
2579 | They said that some of my 19th century statements were 'problematic'... That's the last thing I remember. | 1.2296 | 0.04328 | 135 | 109 | 21 | 5 |
2580 | Never bring a spoon to a whisk fight. | 1.2296 | 0.04695 | 135 | 112 | 15 | 8 |
2581 | Anyway that’s the last time I’m trying to come out of my shell. | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2582 | Defund all the King’s horsemen and all the King’s Men! #butseriously | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2583 | Broken, not stirred | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2584 | The Queen’s Men. She has men. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2585 | This summer has been rough. I could really use a great fall. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2586 | They shouldn’t have given ‘All The King’s Horses’ the first crack at it. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2587 | Just trying to keep it all together man. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2588 | Yeah... I’m really broken up about it. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2589 | Leave the bottle... and a round for all the King's men. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2590 | ...Barely made it through brunch this weekend... | 1.2273 | 0.03965 | 132 | 104 | 26 | 2 |
2591 | Scrambled not stirred please | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2592 | Who needs Obamacare when you have a slowly creeping autocrat whose men and horses can put you back together again pretty much good as new?.. | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2593 | I’m starting to wonder why I sat on the wall in the first place? | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2594 | And the ramp was so slippery... | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2595 | Don’t even ask | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2596 | Boy, am I glad you are finally open. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2597 | It’s hard to eggsplain. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 105 | 22 | 4 |
2598 | I’m just going to nurse it. | 1.2273 | 0.03965 | 132 | 104 | 26 | 2 |
2599 | Honestly, I've just been feeling like a shell of my former self | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2600 | Everything was peaceful...until the cops showed up. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2601 | I thought the fall of 2019 was bad | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2602 | I have to stop falling off the wagon. | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2603 | Living in a fairy tail is not all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2604 | So now neither the US nor Mexico wants to handle my medical bill... | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2605 | Dunno why I keep walking into the bar. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 107 | 18 | 6 |
2606 | Well, after the horses and men left, the women showed up | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2607 | Might as well make it a double. My yolk is already scrambled! | 1.2273 | 0.03965 | 132 | 104 | 26 | 2 |
2608 | 2020 is going to make an omelette of me yet! | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2609 | ...and now I’m broke, but at least she’s got her omelette. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2610 | Maybe I shouldn’t have egged him on? | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2611 | I knew I was in for a great fall, but no one said anything about summer. | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2612 | I had a great fall, but winter and spring were brutal! | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2613 | 2020, man. And it’s only July. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2614 | I don't know why they had to bring in the horses first. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2615 | It's a little insensitive, isn't it? I mean putting me up on a barstool. I'd rather have a booth. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2616 | - "I have got to stop going to comedy clubs." | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2617 | According to the King's Men, I "tripped" and "fell." At least that's what they wrote in the incident report. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2618 | The Queen’s women patched me right up. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2619 | The Fall was actually okay, it was the Spring that did this | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2620 | Humpty Dumpty: Why are you not wearing a mask? | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2621 | And the worst part - I quit drinking. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2622 | Make it a double. It’s been a day. | 1.2273 | 0.03965 | 132 | 104 | 26 | 2 |
2623 | 2020 has been tough. I haven’t even made it to the fall yet. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2624 | On the rocks... really? | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2625 | If you think I'm put together again, you should talk to my therapist. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2626 | Give me a break, will you... | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2627 | How easy would it be for you to make me an omelet? | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2628 | I tried to argue that the chicken came first. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2629 | Russia paid a guy to do this to me. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2630 | Ever hear of a shell company? | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2631 | Make it a Harvey Wall-banger, pal. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2632 | If I hadn't had my own coverage, those guys and their horses would still be fiddling around with me. | 1.2273 | 0.03965 | 132 | 104 | 26 | 2 |
2633 | Well it could have been worse...the other guy had his head scrambled. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2634 | I told them I wasn't a monument. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2635 | At least it wasn’t a great fall. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2636 | A martini. Shaken, not shirred. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2637 | Set 'em up Joe, that fall from the wall was no yolk. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2638 | He told a joke...I didn’t laugh...and then he cracked me up. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2639 | I swear, I wasn't drunk. I was pushed! | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2640 | I just don't think I'll last through another plunge on Wall Street. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2641 | The fall was uneventful. The King’s horses did me in. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2642 | Turns out that all the king's men are bad at healthcare. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2643 | Sometimes I think I’d be happier in a soufflé. | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2644 | those horses were all out of network... | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 104 | 24 | 3 |
2645 | When I'm good and pickled they'll leave me alone. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2646 | I just knew one of these days she was gonna crack. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2647 | The king's men weren't that bad, but the horses were brutal. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2648 | Yeah, and then Harvey Wallbanger showed up! | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2649 | But I told Donald not to let Jared design the Wall | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2650 | So-So Summer, Great Fall... | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2651 | Just for the record, I'm against building walls. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2652 | Don't go over easy on that! | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2653 | Ya know, Lloyd, Life's hard boiled some times. It's never over easy. I may be a shell of my former self, but I didn't crack." | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2654 | They even claimed it was a pre-existing condition. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2655 | At first I thought having Mexico pay for it was a great idea. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2656 | All the king's men were fine, but all the king's horses did me no favors. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2657 | Well, I said Humpty and he thought I said Trumpty... | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2658 | I'll have whatever you gave the last crack-up. | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2659 | You know, all my life I've been walking on eggshells. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2660 | Anything but "on the rocks"! | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2661 | I tried to roll over easy to get out of there but the situation kind of boiled over. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2662 | What I really need is a pick-me-up. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2663 | sentience is a curse and life is a prison | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2664 | I don't know what Humpty told you, but he doesn't do his own stunts. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2665 | God I'm toasted. | 1.2273 | 0.04880 | 132 | 111 | 12 | 9 |
2666 | Who knew that having a shell is considered a pre-existing condition? | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2667 | At least I didn't fall off a wall! | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2668 | Maybe all the King’s liquor and all the King’s gin could put Humpty Dumpty together again. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2669 | What makes you think I come from s broken home? | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2670 | Lil' something to unscramble my brain please. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2671 | The King's men? Useless. At least they got me to the bar. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2672 | Damn that Lewis Carroll! | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2673 | The King’s Horses!? What were they thinking!? | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2674 | Mac, it is time to become a Pickled Egg! | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2675 | Humpty Dumpty sat at the bar after Humpty Dumpty got hit by a car. | 1.2273 | 0.04880 | 132 | 110 | 12 | 9 |
2676 | Make it the hump day double. | 1.2273 | 0.04637 | 132 | 109 | 16 | 7 |
2677 | All the King's Horses and all the King's Men turned out to be a poor choice of available resources. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2678 | Then the orange-haired man yelled at me,"Get off my wall!" and six men in black suits sprayed me with tear gas and knocked me down. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2679 | They couldn't find the last shard in the batter either. | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2680 | So all the Queen's women put me together again. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2681 | When they said "flatten the curve," I didn't think they meant my curve. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2682 | I’m beginning to think life’s not all it’s cracked up to be. | 1.2273 | 0.03661 | 132 | 107 | 22 | 3 |
2683 | The cops did it to me at the rally. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2684 | A couple of stiff ones and I start to come out of my shell. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2685 | I heard you make a mean eggnog. It better be all it's cracked up to be. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2686 | ... And a Krazy Glue chaser. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2687 | The world just isn't what it's cracked up to be. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2688 | The sign read "Omelette Bar"... It sounded like a cool place to hang out. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2689 | Yes, ‘‘twas a nasty spill, but I held onto my albumen.” Will Hunter Plymouth M | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2690 | OK, maybe protesting isn't a good fit. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2691 | I yelled that I wasn’t a statue but they weren’t buying it. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2692 | I feel like I've been beaten up all day. | 1.2273 | 0.04760 | 132 | 110 | 14 | 8 |
2693 | This summer has me beat... I hope we have a great fall. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2694 | Sit on a wall, they said. Everything'll be fine, they said. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2695 | Last place I walked into was an omelette bar; I barely made it out of there in one piece. | 1.2273 | 0.04511 | 132 | 108 | 18 | 6 |
2696 | Since when did Egg Beaters become a thing? | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2697 | You should see the rabbi and the priest. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2698 | What I don’t get is why they sent horses and not a doctor. | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2699 | Are you sure you don’t want to sit in a booth? | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2700 | Yore biggest mistake was was thinking you were king. | 1.2273 | 0.03891 | 132 | 106 | 23 | 3 |
2701 | I couldn't - I'm poached. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2702 | Just don't ever let there King's AID team come near you | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 | 20 | 5 |
2703 | I told them I wasn’t a hard boiled detective! | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2704 | And then he said he would make me great again. | 1.2273 | 0.04246 | 132 | 106 | 22 | 4 |
2705 | I was okay until the King's men showed up. | 1.2273 | 0.04108 | 132 | 105 | 24 | 3 |
2706 | All the King’s men and all the King’s horses...and then, Thank God, the Queen showed up! | 1.2273 | 0.04381 | 132 | 107 |