Contest #715


Cartoon

715

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “And then I find out all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are out-of-network.”
  2. “It’s never over easy.”
  3. “No, actually I fell off the wagon.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2020-06-28T16:09:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2020-07-19T16:11:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2020-07-13T16:10:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued July 20, 2020
Number of captions 10145
Number of responses 2012461
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 The recipe said 'One egg, beaten.' I was lucky to get out alive. 2.1436 0.00483 25891 6231 9721 9935
1 No, you're thinking of my brother Humpty. I fell off the wagon. 2.0839 0.00509 24670 6971 8674 9023
2 In hindsight , I should have let the chicken go first. 2.0637 0.00539 22393 6620 7729 8042
3 Getting laid is harder than it looks. 2.0602 0.00580 21069 6904 6005 8159
4 I had a great fall, the greatest. No one fall has ever been greater" 2.0219 0.00581 19003 5901 6790 6312
5 First she tells me I need to come out of my shell. Now I’m “not together enough.” 2.0098 0.00701 12289 3667 4845 3777
6 For the record, they no longer like to be called chicks. 1.9651 0.00581 18840 6346 6813 5680
7 It’s never over easy. 1.9281 0.00612 16381 5678 6211 4492
8 Well, you should see the other guy - he's toast 1.9214 0.00682 13432 4775 4947 3710
9 I mean, who sends horses? 1.9017 0.00600 17770 6653 6223 4894
10 And then I find out all the king's horses and all the king's men are out-of-network. 1.8774 0.00621 16880 6660 5634 4584
11 The last thing I remember is the sign that said beware of poachers 1.8768 0.00635 15435 5886 5568 3979
12 Geez...I mean, who knew Egg Beaters was an actual thing? 1.8712 0.00630 15972 6228 5572 4167
13 Everyone I ever loved was in that carton. 1.8711 0.00618 16648 6528 5742 4373
14 Well, my memory of it is a little scrambled. 1.8646 0.00613 15318 5587 6214 3511
15 It wasn't a great fall. That's fake news. It was a beautiful leap. Some say it was the best leap ever. 1.8622 0.00647 15616 6349 5078 4189
16 I've already been beaten and boiled so might as well get pickled too. 1.8455 0.00921 7332 2934 2597 1801
17 To add insult to injury, had I fallen on the Mexican side I would have received free medical care from qualified professionals. 1.8435 0.00660 15026 6286 4811 3928
18 Speaking from experience, walls don’t really make anything great again 1.8007 0.01097 5134 2200 1757 1177
19 So, I thought, "Hey, the chicken made it across..." 1.7898 0.00694 12285 5203 4466 2616
20 Yep, ALL the king's horses and the ALL king's men. Not ONE doctor. 1.7818 0.00738 11205 4924 3806 2474
21 No, actually I fell off the wagon 1.7759 0.01036 5257 2203 2029 1025
22 Let’s just say it didn’t go over easy. 1.7707 0.00634 13862 5823 5390 2642
23 No, not a whiskey... I said they tried to whisk me. 1.7600 0.01012 5867 2644 1991 1232
24 Leave the bottle. Jack and Jill will be here in five minutes. 1.7584 0.00750 10666 4819 3617 2230
25 At least I got laid. 1.7555 0.00957 6977 3309 2077 1591
26 No, I didn't fight back. The truth is, inside, I'm a hundred percent chicken. 1.7529 0.01018 5593 2489 2003 1101
27 There was no rhyme or reason to it. Well, rhyme, maybe. 1.7504 0.00706 11385 5033 4172 2177
28 Sit on the wall, they said. What could go wrong, they said. 1.7504 0.01443 2708 1186 1012 510
29 People don’t seem to understand that brown shell or white shell we are all the same inside. 1.7353 0.01000 5935 2761 1987 1187
30 And if the accident wasn't bad enough, I just found out that my cholesterol is high. 1.7340 0.01347 3181 1458 1113 610
31 I told her I was 'free-range' when we started dating! 1.7307 0.01015 5681 2653 1915 1113
32 I also have a crack problem. 1.7265 0.00781 9938 4755 3153 2028
33 It’s my own fault. I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. 1.7226 0.01019 5519 2563 1925 1031
34 No, I can’t look on the sunny side.” 1.7210 0.00967 5956 2731 2161 1064
35 I’d still like to know what they thought the damn horses were gonna do. 1.7135 0.01024 5462 2576 1877 1009
36 So, yeah, they were putting me together again, until they realized I didn't have insurance. 1.7116 0.00816 8623 4089 2938 1596
37 You spend your whole life worried about walls, and then WHAM, hit by a bus. 1.7088 0.01026 5708 2805 1770 1133
38 Geez, they tell you to maintain social distancing, and then they pack 12 of us into a carton. 1.7083 0.01134 4463 2129 1511 823
39 I just realized I have no idea how I'm getting down from here. 1.7070 0.01151 4286 2047 1456 783
40 The chicken can be first, I don't care anymore. 1.7067 0.01059 5131 2457 1725 948
41 It's been the worst summer of my life. Hopefully I'll have a great fall. 1.7030 0.01151 4330 2081 1457 792
42 Being an egg isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.6974 0.01070 4703 2196 1735 772
43 You ever been put back together by horses? 1.6973 0.01203 3945 1904 1331 710
44 It’s always “Humpty Dumpty had a great fall”—never “Is Humpty Dumpty okay?” 1.6923 0.01087 4875 2386 1604 885
45 Unfortunately, being an egg is considered a preexisting condition. 1.6824 0.00945 6435 3197 2085 1153
46 I'm gonna need all the king's vodka and all the king's gin. 1.6805 0.00953 6514 3303 1990 1220
47 Is that my 3rd or 4th?, I'm a little shell shocked at the moment. 1.6796 0.00832 7924 3856 2754 1314
48 And then he said “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall”. 1.6790 0.00803 9455 4889 2715 1851
49 What really hurts is they called me “Trumpty Dumpty” 1.6756 0.01651 2266 1186 629 451
50 Chickens don't like being told they didn't come first. 1.6639 0.00834 8194 4177 2596 1420
51 The ramp was long and steep and slippery and I was wearing leather bottom shoes. 1.6636 0.00909 7774 4254 1884 1635
52 Build the wall!“ “Build the wall!” How about, “Make sure the wall is structurally sound! 1.6613 0.01283 3398 1721 1107 570
53 I ran into a gang of poachers. 1.6607 0.02588 787 386 282 119
54 You should see the other eleven. 1.6548 0.00860 7269 3641 2494 1132
55 Yep, veteran of six Easter Egg hunts. A lot of good men dyed out there. 1.6548 0.01431 2810 1461 858 491
56 With everything going on, I just cracked. 1.6478 0.01039 5000 2544 1675 781
57 No, I didn't fall off a wall! Why do people keep asking me that!? 1.6468 0.01123 4304 2199 1427 678
58 I hope this one is on the house. I’m totally broke. 1.6371 0.01268 3345 1731 1099 515
59 The wall's owner doesn't carry liability insurance, but my lawyer says we can sue the King's men for malpractice. 1.6321 0.00805 8418 4417 2682 1319
60 Then I said, "Egg Whites Matter"! 1.6304 0.01933 1599 882 426 291
61 Lucky for me, I'm hard-boiled 1.6260 0.00896 6565 3423 2178 964
62 Now the King’s lawyer is saying it was more of a minor slip than a great fall. 1.6260 0.00877 6796 3521 2294 980
63 Last time I try coming out of my shell. 1.6215 0.00984 5553 2944 1770 839
64 And I am white. Could you imagine if I was brown? 1.6206 0.01045 5264 2895 1473 896
65 In the end it was all the queen's women who got the job done. 1.6185 0.00975 5922 3226 1728 966
66 Shaken, stirred, whatever... so long as it’s not scrambled. 1.6166 0.01473 2376 1242 803 331
67 Humpty Dumpty protests in peace. Humpty Dumpty is pushed by police. 1.6155 0.01417 2788 1522 816 450
68 Lucky thing I'm hard boiled 1.6155 0.01609 2005 1054 668 283
69 I could really use some coddling, right now. 1.6143 0.01883 1483 786 483 214
70 Getting laid is not what it's cracked up to be. 1.6108 0.01101 4684 2596 1315 773
71 No one ever asks what happens when an egg crosses the road 1.6076 0.00987 5632 3084 1674 874
72 It was my first FUI. 1.6071 0.00833 9615 5838 1714 2060
73 You should see the other guy, he's toast. 1.6021 0.01082 4667 2582 1364 721
74 The king sent all his horses and men to clear the wall for a photo-op. 1.5989 0.01700 1977 1120 530 327
75 And then I realized, the only person who can put me back together is me. 1.5936 0.01373 2707 1464 879 364
76 Give me another. I'm still a little shell-shocked. 1.5924 0.00938 5906 3229 1853 822
77 So I asked her, how DO you make an omelet? 1.5857 0.01341 2771 1504 912 355
78 What can I say? Everyone’s walking on eggshells these days. 1.5826 0.01228 3445 1925 1038 482
79 So then I told this chick,, "Pretty sure I come first" 1.5737 0.01223 3767 2207 959 601
80 The king's horses tried. Then the king's men tried. Some guy from Foster Farms actually got sick when he looked at me. But you know who did it? Charlie. Yeah, Charlie, right there at the end of the bar. Charlie put me back together again. 1.5688 0.01143 4678 2878 941 859
81 I only asked her if she'd ever laid an egg. 1.5672 0.01268 3408 1990 903 515
82 ... and on top of everything I lost the Faberge` gig. 1.5668 0.01402 2777 1625 732 420
83 I'm the stunt double...Humpty wouldn't take the fall. 1.5668 0.01989 1265 709 395 161
84 Make it a double Sam. My insides are all scrambled. 1.5662 0.02091 1102 608 364 130
85 When they say you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you never think it’s you they’re talking about. 1.5650 0.02107 1193 688 336 169
86 A Wallbanger? Seriously? 1.5570 0.01270 3357 1980 882 494
87 They kept yelling, "Jump, jump, jump." So I jumped. 1.5539 0.01189 3952 2388 943 621
88 She's probably right: someone my shape has no business sitting on a wall. 1.5538 0.01275 3001 1704 934 363
89 I told the President the wall was a stupid idea. 1.5518 0.01389 2740 1616 739 385
90 ...and I said, ‘egg-xcuuuse me!’ ...I guess he didn’t get it. 1.5495 0.01239 3436 2028 928 480
91 « 2020 entering a bar » 1.5486 0.01300 3633 2307 660 666
92 I’ll have a hickory daiquiri, doc. 1.5467 0.01531 2464 1523 535 406
93 Yeah, first the wall, now the wagon 1.5440 0.01296 3101 1837 841 423
94 Great fall" my ass. It was horrible 1.5438 0.01307 3062 1818 823 421
95 Bad break up? Yeah.. I got dumped. 1.5402 0.01780 1531 885 465 181
96 Build a wall, they said. It’ll be “great,” they said.... 1.5377 0.01343 2901 1739 764 398
97 That wall was never a good idea 1.5335 0.01377 2675 1591 735 343
98 Hydroxychloroquine? Couldn’t hurt. 1.5326 0.01933 1365 816 371 178
99 One more - for the floor? 1.5311 0.01486 2785 1815 461 509
100 All the king's men say I tripped and fell, but we'll see about that when the video comes out. 1.5310 0.01441 2422 1443 672 307
101 Straight please..I've already been on the rocks once today 1.5306 0.01398 2454 1440 728 286
102 She's the redhead from Rhode Island, great sense of humor, really cracks me up. 1.5303 0.01455 2527 1548 618 361
103 I realized my healthcare plan was bad when they brought out the horses to try to put me back together again. 1.5298 0.02469 821 489 229 103
104 I mean seriously, how were the horses supposed to help? 1.5259 0.01498 2198 1310 620 268
105 No, it's been a lousy spring. But I had a great fall. 1.5251 0.01421 2413 1433 693 287
106 I was just sitting on a wall and some white woman called the cops. 1.5248 0.02278 1048 652 242 154
107 Leave the bottle... I fell off the wagon. 1.5218 0.02337 870 514 258 98
108 I don't understand what set him off; most people think I'm a good egg. 1.5191 0.02085 1046 610 329 107
109 I don't care what you read,......I was pushed!" 1.5189 0.01968 1218 721 362 135
110 Never tease a vegan. 1.5179 0.02234 1004 610 268 126
111 I was just sitting there, and when asked, I said Mexico is paying for it- that’s the last thing I remember 1.5172 0.01953 1363 842 337 184
112 And then she said, "would you like me to make you an omelette?" 1.5158 0.01563 2053 1252 543 258
113 Now I hear she ran away with some spoon. 1.5156 0.01887 1408 859 372 177
114 All the king’s horses only made it worse, to be honest. 1.5155 0.01533 2037 1219 584 233
115 This is the only place that serves eggs after 11. 1.5139 0.01902 1407 866 359 182
116 Mrs. Humpty dumped me. 1.5119 0.01660 1807 1113 466 228
117 I waltzed into the White House lawn right in the middle of what they call an Easter egg roll. I got rolled alright! Lost my wallet and my Rolex egg timer. 1.5111 0.01668 1935 1225 431 279
118 I know it’s a little early, but I’m just glad I made it past breakfast 1.5111 0.01619 1898 1161 499 235
119 2020 in an eggshell 1.5108 0.01710 1813 1140 418 254
120 A fix-it ticket would have sufficed... 1.5107 0.01751 1958 1301 314 343
121 Things were going so well. I had a great spring and a great summer, and then I had a great fall. 1.5096 0.01612 1880 1145 510 224
122 And that’s when I told the chicken I came first 1.5088 0.01669 1818 1125 459 233
123 It was worth it, just to tear down Colonel Sanders' statue. 1.5085 0.02368 940 592 218 130
124 This is what you get with an orange baby in charge: horses as healthcare. 1.5074 0.01938 1413 894 321 198
125 My therapist says I’ll have to put myself back together. 1.5067 0.01721 1577 949 456 171
126 I can only remember the first three minutes. 1.5042 0.01717 1676 1038 432 206
127 I still can't figure out why they thought all the King's horses would be of any help. 1.5032 0.01683 1707 1047 461 199
128 Anything but a wall banger. 1.5025 0.02221 991 611 262 118
129 Sit on the wall!”, they said. “It’ll be fun!”, they said 1.5012 0.01769 1636 1030 392 214
130 If it weren't for the EMTs, you'd be talking to an omelette. 1.5012 0.01712 1648 1014 442 192
131 Why does nobody believe me, I was pushed 1.4988 0.02382 826 504 232 90
132 i told them I couldn't wear a mask. I don't have any ears. 1.4974 0.01762 1516 929 420 167
133 What do you mean, you don’t serve food? 1.4958 0.02006 1299 832 290 177
134 I was lucky to get myself out of some very hot water. 1.4952 0.03032 517 319 140 58
135 Better and better, thanks. But hopefully the last time Bill Barr organizes the White House Easter Egg Hunt. 1.4947 0.01891 1516 987 308 221
136 I'm still a bit shell shocked... 1.4944 0.01769 1505 927 412 166
137 I’m telling you. I didn’t fall...I was pushed. 1.4942 0.01792 1461 902 398 161
138 Then she told this joke that just cracked me up! 1.4939 0.01829 1466 918 372 176
139 All I can say is…horses do not have very good fine motor skills. 1.4936 0.01899 1337 832 350 155
140 You got a carton in the back I can just lay in? 1.4889 0.02553 718 445 195 78
141 No, it wasn't about a wall at all. It was an argument about who came first... 1.4885 0.01940 1345 858 313 172
142 The President’s wall isn’t as sturdy as he wants us to believe. 1.4885 0.01907 1343 847 336 160
143 Not on the rocks. 1.4878 0.01884 1351 847 349 155
144 Last thing I remember is telling the chicken "no, I came first." 1.4868 0.01954 1321 846 307 168
145 Oh,the King's horses were great. But the King's men? They just beat the crap out of me. 1.4863 0.01973 1170 721 329 120
146 My first day out of quarantine and i’m already getting smashed.. 1.4859 0.01895 1274 787 355 132
147 I mean, the men were ok, but the horses... the horses were a bad, bad idea 1.4855 0.01938 1306 829 320 157
148 I used to be grade AA, but now I’m thinking I just need to go to their meetings. 1.4845 0.01905 1294 809 343 142
149 I just wanted to get a look at West Germany, I guess nov 9 wasn’t the day to do it 1.4836 0.02045 1284 847 253 184
150 I already fell off a wall. Might as well fall off the wagon. 1.4830 0.02214 969 610 250 109
151 Fell off a wall? So that’s what the cops are saying, huh? 1.4821 0.02366 809 501 226 82
152 Well, I’ll tell ya... Ever had a Clydesdale attempt to bandage you up? 1.4802 0.01934 1214 755 335 124
153 Make it a double. I'm nursing a rhyme. 1.4801 0.02018 1208 774 288 146
154 Thank God I have Obamacare. 1.4793 0.02030 1162 738 291 133
155 You’d think out of all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, there would be one plastic surgeon! 1.4767 0.02429 795 503 205 87
156 Pour me a double Barry, All the King’s men beat the hell out of me so he could take a picture in front of a church... 1.4763 0.02109 1159 761 244 154
157 The worst part is they made a nursery rhyme about it. 1.4750 0.02783 619 396 152 71
158 And all the king's horses? Worse than useless. 1.4749 0.02043 1135 723 285 127
159 She's mad because I didn't bring home the bacon. 1.4748 0.02035 1110 702 290 118
160 Well, it’s settled. The chicken came first. 1.4732 0.02283 951 618 216 117
161 If anything, allowing the King's horses to try only made things worse. 1.4709 0.02138 1064 689 249 126
162 So the U.S. Constitution walked into a bar.... 1.4708 0.02238 1079 728 194 157
163 You know how it goes — I finally just cracked. 1.4707 0.02064 1075 681 282 112
164 So an egg walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this a yolk" 1.4686 0.02391 843 546 199 98
165 First off the wall and now off the wagon 1.4683 0.02025 1040 645 303 92
166 Believe me, I've been in plenty of hot water. 1.4677 0.02045 1022 637 293 92
167 Yeah, insurance declined coverage on account it was a ‘pre-eggsisting condition.’ 1.4666 0.02171 1003 647 244 112
168 Then she told a joke and I cracked up. 1.4662 0.02430 770 490 201 79
169 When there's a vaccine, I'll tell ya, bub. 1.4658 0.02338 994 677 171 146
170 Rocks? Dear God, no. 1.4644 0.02110 984 620 271 93
171 It breaks me up—all the institutions that used to prop me up are crumbling. Nobody understands how hard it is to be so thin skinned while the world shifts around you. 1.4610 0.02330 948 637 185 126
172 "Her name?.......Karen. That's all I'm going to say." 1.4609 0.02349 933 627 182 124
173 No, no, no. Scotch...tape. 1.4600 0.02221 937 606 231 100
174 Make that a triple. He lied about being a king, he lied about having horses, and he's fired all of his men and can't put a damn thing back together again. 1.4599 0.02665 711 475 145 91
175 Like I needed ANOTHER reason to not support The Wall 1.4599 0.02300 922 608 204 110
176 Nothing against horses, but surgery is not their forte. 1.4584 0.02242 901 580 229 92
177 Good thing I was hard boiled. 1.4576 0.02195 909 578 244 86
178 Sooo, I said, “All eggs won’t matter unless Brown eggs matter....” 1.4573 0.02377 879 586 184 109
179 ...should've let Baldwin have the parking space... 1.4573 0.02392 890 599 175 116
180 It won't put me back together but it'll take the edge off 1.4567 0.02266 900 585 219 96
181 So much for wanting to come out of my shell... 1.4564 0.02232 894 574 232 88
182 Put it on my tab, I’m broke. 1.4553 0.02363 861 569 192 100
183 I found out I was not covered for acts of gravity 1.4538 0.03058 498 326 118 54
184 Ironically, they used a new glue made from the king's horses. 1.4532 0.02453 759 494 186 79
185 You can't just sit on a wall these days; you gotta take sides. 1.4526 0.02352 855 564 195 96
186 Why not? Today is my expiration date.” 1.4524 0.02282 851 549 219 83
187 Would you believe I got laid last night? 1.4520 0.02388 843 560 185 98
188 ...right in the huevos rancheros, if ya know what I mean." 1.4514 0.02386 844 561 185 98
189 It sure is lucky that they just banned the yolk hold... 1.4502 0.02417 804 531 184 89
190 How was I to know the wall was built by a Trump crony contractor? 1.4502 0.03024 542 365 110 67
191 Well, they egged me on . . . and I cracked. 1.4493 0.02390 819 541 188 90
192 These guys approached me - then... Oeuf! 1.4475 0.02425 791 523 182 86
193 On top of that, the doctor says I’m high in cholesterol. 1.4472 0.02427 796 528 180 88
194 I'll tell ya, Joe, they better knock down that damn wall because the Dumpty family has had enough." 1.4465 0.02396 795 523 189 83
195 Finally - someone in this kingdom who can do their job. 1.4464 0.02394 793 521 190 82
196 I said “you crack me up” and he took it literally! 1.4459 0.02315 785 503 214 68
197 C'mon, honey, sit here on the wall with me" she said. And then she dumped me 1.4455 0.02460 770 511 175 84
198 It's time to defund the King's men. 1.4452 0.02462 766 508 175 83
199 Spring and summer 2020 have been rough, but I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.4450 0.02328 782 503 210 69
200 I fell off a wall, not a barstool. Keep pouring! 1.4443 0.02475 772 516 169 87
201 All I said was “Egg Lives Matter” and everyone started beating on me! 1.4436 0.02477 771 516 168 87
202 The name’s Bennedict. Eggs Bennedict. 1.4431 0.02505 765 515 161 89
203 ...but I saved the lives of eleven of my friends. 1.4427 0.02580 646 419 168 59
204 I did have a great fall, actually. But spring and summer sucked. 1.4426 0.02490 662 423 185 54
205 I called the officer a chicken as a form of respect. 1.4421 0.03677 337 223 79 35
206 There’s no way I can survive another 4 years of this! 1.4419 0.03101 482 321 109 52
207 Humpty's my brother. I'm Trumpty, and I've had a big fall 1.4407 0.02583 742 507 143 92
208 I told them I wouldn't crack. 1.4405 0.02405 740 481 192 67
209 You're thinking of my brother. I fell off the wagon. 1.4405 0.02488 740 492 170 78
210 Fell off a wall? So is that what the cops are saying, huh? 1.4404 0.02425 738 482 187 69
211 I remember when the "Which came first question" was a friendly debate. 1.4401 0.02396 734 475 195 64
212 I was lucky. Poachers got all my friends. 1.4398 0.02500 723 479 170 74
213 Unfortunately all the King’s horses and all the King’s men are out of network in my insurance plan. 1.4388 0.02482 727 481 173 73
214 Don't know why they thought the king's horses could help... 1.4385 0.02548 716 480 158 78
215 Make it a double, I'm poached! 1.4385 0.02445 723 473 183 67
216 I'm trying to remember what happened, but it's all scrambled. 1.4383 0.02434 721 470 186 65
217 Man, if you have a problem in this town, don't go to the King's men to help you. 1.4383 0.02410 721 467 192 62
218 Can you believe it? She dropped me just like that. 1.4379 0.02482 708 465 176 67
219 When you build walls to that extent, you’re going to find more falls, you’re going to find more cases of falls. So I said to my people: slow the building down, please! If we didn’t build walls, we would have very few falls. 1.4374 0.02689 711 495 121 95
220 Horses? Seriously? 1.4367 0.03320 371 239 102 30
221 If my wife asks you, don't tell her I was in a bar fight. I'm going to tell her I just fell off a wall or something 1.4362 0.02493 697 458 174 65
222 I guess you could say I went over easy. 1.4357 0.02534 700 465 163 71
223 In hindsight, that hard boiling was the best thing that ever happened to me... 1.4357 0.02393 700 449 197 54
224 If I’m back together, why do I still feel so broken inside? 1.4350 0.02480 692 453 177 62
225 I might as well. I've already fallen off the wagon. 1.4350 0.04203 246 162 61 23
226 You just can't have a civil discussion with a chicken any more about which of us came first. 1.4348 0.02587 683 458 153 72
227 It wasn't the fall - it was the landing. 1.4346 0.02905 520 344 126 50
228 This time it was really bad, I fell onto the United States side. 1.4346 0.02507 688 453 171 64
229 My life's all rhyme, no reason. 1.4324 0.02909 525 350 123 52
230 .....she humped me and dumped me... 1.4322 0.02637 671 455 142 74
231 Everyone thinks I’m this Humpty Dumpty guy, I guess we all look the same to you people. 1.4320 0.02566 669 445 159 65
232 I said, "you crack me up." And he did. 1.4318 0.02580 667 445 156 66
233 Why send horses? How about "all the king's doctors"? 1.4316 0.02478 665 432 179 54
234 It's not safe for me out there - poachers everywhere. 1.4316 0.02646 665 451 141 73
235 Have I mentioned before that I hate Easter Break? 1.4310 0.02604 652 435 153 64
236 The injuries from the fall were bad enough but when I went in for treatment they found my cholesterol was off the charts. 1.4307 0.02614 664 447 148 69
237 Why the hell did they send horses? 1.4307 0.02666 664 453 136 75
238 She dumptied me. 1.4307 0.02588 664 444 154 66
239 Being an egg is not all that it is cracked up to be. 1.4299 0.02663 656 446 138 72
240 I admit it! I thought I was such a tough egg but I cracked under pressure. 1.4294 0.02576 652 433 158 61
241 So then I said, "yeah, the dress makes you look big in the middle." 1.4290 0.02669 648 440 138 70
242 Yeah, so getting laid isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. 1.4286 0.02739 637 438 125 74
243 Who would’ve thought “separate the whites” would be so triggering 1.4283 0.02776 642 447 115 80
244 And in that brief moment as I hit the ground I swear I saw a dish running away with a spoon. 1.4283 0.02605 642 428 153 61
245 All I said was: 'Of course I had to be first!' and that chicken went ballistic on me. 1.4275 0.02804 552 368 132 52
246 He called my father a chicken. 1.4273 0.02799 550 365 133 51
247 I don’t think I can survive another St. Patrick’s weekend. 1.4270 0.02845 637 451 100 86
248 They said, 'Let's make an omelette." I said, "Sure, count me in." 1.4270 0.02612 623 413 154 56
249 The fox was like, 'We're gonna make this henhouse great again.' 1.4268 0.02613 642 430 150 62
250 I wanted to fight back, but I guess I'm just chicken on the inside. 1.4268 0.02567 635 422 157 56
251 Can you call the King’s women? 1.4264 0.02849 530 353 128 49
252 He’s like, ‘Sometimes you have to break a few eggs,’ and I’m like, ummm, no you don’t. 1.4250 0.02734 600 406 133 61
253 I was just trying to get laid again 1.4246 0.02669 617 415 142 60
254 Turns out that all the king's horses and all the king's men don't know squat about medicine. 1.4233 0.02651 593 393 149 51
255 I mean men, sure, but horses? 1.4229 0.02672 603 404 143 56
256 It all started when I rolled out of bed this morning. 1.4228 0.02790 518 339 137 41
257 Here I sit, Jimmy, reduced to a metaphor. 1.4217 0.02597 600 395 157 48
258 First the wall, and now the wagon. 1.4214 0.02769 598 410 124 64
259 Horses! I mean, whose idea was that? 1.4208 0.02625 587 387 152 47
260 I thought the story was a metaphor or something. Who knew gravity was science based? 1.4201 0.02783 588 402 123 62
261 I know he's known for shoddy construction, but how to you mess up a wall? 1.4195 0.02807 584 402 119 63
262 I'm broke 1.4192 0.02717 582 392 136 54
263 You always read about it, but you never think it’ll happen to you 1.4190 0.02724 580 391 135 54
264 When did all the kings horses and all the kings men start using teargas? 1.4190 0.02831 580 401 115 64
265 They'll never put me together again emotionally. 1.4187 0.02630 578 381 152 45
266 Telling her I felt hen-pecked was probably a mistake 1.4180 0.02791 567 386 125 56
267 Couple more years n' I'm moving to Ham Springs 1.4177 0.03034 565 407 80 78
268 I gotta get myself back together again... 1.4177 0.02667 577 384 145 48
269 My wife says I come here to get coddled. 1.4177 0.02723 577 389 135 53
270 The safe word. Always remember the safe word. 1.4177 0.02879 498 332 124 42
271 My therapist keeps telling me to look on the sunny side. 1.4176 0.02776 510 335 137 38
272 Well that didn't go over easy. 1.4174 0.02650 575 380 148 46
273 Ironically, my cholesterol is fine. 1.4174 0.02650 575 381 148 46
274 Better not have another. I'm really starting to come out of my shell. 1.4174 0.02707 575 386 138 51
275 And we'll continue to protest until we are ALL cage free! 1.4174 0.02762 575 391 128 56
276 Yeah, I fell off the wall. Now I'm falling off the wagon. 1.4165 0.02761 569 386 129 54
277 So that's why I'm not a fan of brunch. 1.4164 0.03916 293 201 62 30
278 If you crack an omelette joke, I'm leaving. 1.4162 0.02790 567 387 124 56
279 That's your advice? 'Keep your sunny-side up'? 1.4155 0.02818 556 380 121 55
280 So, there I was, just sitting on the wall with no mask... 1.4147 0.02744 557 375 133 49
281 Walls: can't stay off 'em, can't stay on 'em. 1.4144 0.02832 555 381 118 56
282 I told her not to put us all in one basket. 1.4135 0.02843 549 377 117 55
283 30 years on that wall, but one fall and that’s all they want to write about. 1.4135 0.02831 549 376 119 54
284 Who knew the egg toss game would be so competitive? 1.4132 0.02779 547 370 128 49
285 Did you ever notice that the nursery rhyme never actually mentions that I'm an egg? 1.4124 0.02875 531 364 115 52
286 And my insurance company claims the fall was due to a pre-existing condition. 1.4122 0.02873 541 373 113 55
287 One more Harvey Wallbanger please. 1.4119 0.02807 539 366 124 49
288 What I wouldn't give to be Faberge, they know how to live 1.4113 0.02916 530 367 108 55
289 Shell shocked? You think that's funny? 1.4112 0.02810 535 363 124 48
290 Better make that a double. I've had a great fall. 1.4110 0.04270 236 161 53 22
291 They caught the guy. He being charged as an eggbeater. 1.4106 0.02882 526 361 114 51
292 Just between you and me Frank, I didn't fall off the wagon. 1.4101 0.02711 534 355 139 40
293 Yeah, this is what it looks like when you put it back together again 1.4101 0.02775 534 360 129 45
294 All the king’s horses and men won’t do jack if you’re uninsured 1.4101 0.02923 534 372 105 57
295 No, I'm Humpty Dumpty's stunt double. 1.4087 0.02955 526 368 101 57
296 Despite what you may have heard, horses are not particularly good at putting things back together again. 1.4084 0.02772 524 352 130 42
297 Considering the year we've had, my day has been fine. 1.4081 0.03252 419 290 87 42
298 Believe it or not, this is a fairy tale ending. 1.4080 0.02909 522 361 109 52
299 I said to her "You really crack me up" ... and she did 1.4080 0.02832 522 355 121 46
300 Even the King's horses and King's men were taking only telehealth clients. 1.4080 0.02779 522 351 129 42
301 Frankly I don't think all the king's horses were trying that hard. 1.4073 0.02692 518 358 114 45
302 I must confess, sitting on that wall was an appalling act of hubris. 1.4067 0.02903 504 345 113 46
303 I just want to feel whole again. 1.4062 0.02982 448 301 112 35
304 All the king's men don't take my insurance. 1.4059 0.02904 510 351 111 48
305 I was overtaken by poachers. 1.4055 0.02790 508 341 128 39
306 Damn, that chicken really wanted to be first. 1.4043 0.03048 423 284 107 32
307 I don't know how they thought the horses would help. 1.4040 0.02925 495 340 110 45
308 I tell ya, Sam, being a hard-boiled detective ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.4040 0.02945 500 346 106 48
309 „Ever been through a break up yourself?“ 1.4040 0.02876 500 341 116 43
310 Chicken made clear she was first 1.4040 0.02904 500 343 112 45
311 That wall turned out to be no more stable than the “genius” that built it. 1.4040 0.02959 500 347 104 49
312 Give me anything that'll get me plastered. 1.4040 0.02798 500 353 99 48
313 Never start an existential debate with an angry chicken. 1.4037 0.02905 493 337 113 43
314 Thank goodness for the King’s women. 1.4037 0.02891 493 336 115 42
315 I cracked under pressure 1.4036 0.02926 498 343 109 46
316 It started as a peaceful Brown Eggs Matter rally, then all the King’s horses and all the King’s men showed up. 1.4036 0.03126 498 358 79 61
317 Great big beautiful wall my ass 1.4032 0.03043 496 350 92 54
318 I feel like I'm becoming just a cliché to some people. 1.4032 0.02758 501 334 132 35
319 Yes, I dream of a world without walls. 1.4031 0.03304 387 266 86 35
320 It was all over in 3 minutes. 1.4028 0.02857 494 335 119 40
321 Apparently being an egg is a pre-existing condition. 1.4022 0.03185 363 240 100 23
322 Don’t even start about that Wall 1.4020 0.03056 490 346 91 53
323 All I said was, "Who's paying for this wall? 1.4020 0.02959 490 339 105 46
324 ‘Come out of your shell’, they all said!” 1.4020 0.03078 398 265 106 27
325 Come on, get real. Do I look like a Cadbury to you? 1.4016 0.02861 493 335 118 40
326 You should see the other guy. Boy, does he have egg on his face. 1.4012 0.02933 486 334 109 43
327 You must have heard my story a hundred times. 1.4005 0.03081 437 300 99 38
328 Yeah, and to make matters worse I have high cholesterol 1.4004 0.02972 477 329 105 43
329 Who was the genius who sent the king’s horses? 1.4004 0.02927 477 326 111 40
330 I like to think I drink because I fall, not fall because I drink. 1.4000 0.02929 480 329 110 41
331 Didn't expect to crack like this, but the isolation drove me up the wall. 1.4000 0.03045 480 337 94 49
332 All the king's gin, please. 1.3992 0.02898 471 322 111 38
333 I'm not such a bad egg, just a little broke right now. 1.3987 0.02899 469 318 115 36
334 Just water, thanks, I’m broke 1.3983 0.02886 472 320 116 36
335 A Harvey Wallbanger? Seriously? 1.3983 0.03008 472 328 100 44
336 Just enough to kill the pain without impairing my sense of balance. 1.3979 0.03256 377 257 90 30
337 Starring in a nursery rhyme is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.3974 0.03071 468 329 92 47
338 I mean, what does "back together" even mean anymore? 1.3970 0.02879 466 315 117 34
339 ...I sure hope the Dish and the Spoon made a clean getaway. 1.3970 0.02942 466 319 109 38
340 The King's horses and men couldn't do a thing but then up strolls a guy with duct tape. 1.3969 0.03001 446 305 105 36
341 Ah, the King's horses...they were the worst. 1.3968 0.03422 310 206 85 19
342 It was less of a wall and more of a wagon 1.3957 0.02804 460 306 126 28
343 All the King's horses and all the King's men aren't all they're cracked up to be 1.3957 0.02952 460 315 108 37
344 He came at me like the edge of a mixing bowl. 1.3957 0.03108 460 325 88 47
345 Would it kill you to lower the stools? 1.3957 0.03031 460 320 98 42
346 All I said was egg yokes matter. 1.3955 0.03361 402 286 73 43
347 Wall, wagon, whatever. 1.3952 0.03072 458 321 93 44
348 FINALLY they called in the King's women and put me back together again. I mean, what took so long? 1.3952 0.03087 458 322 91 45
349 You should see my iPhone screen 1.3947 0.02986 456 314 104 38
350 It wasn't just a ramp. It was the steepest and most slippery ramp the world has ever seen. 1.3947 0.03219 456 329 74 52
351 Another Wallbanger, Harvey. 1.3947 0.02986 456 314 104 38
352 I got off lucky; the other guy broke his crown. 1.3947 0.02969 456 313 106 37
353 Worst ten minutes of my life. I timed it. 1.3947 0.02969 456 313 106 37
354 Build the wall, they said, Make America Great Again, they said... 1.3938 0.03254 452 327 70 54
355 He assured me Mexico would pay. 1.3938 0.03084 452 317 92 43
356 Of course, I fell off the wagon first. 1.3938 0.03036 452 314 98 40
357 Stirred please, I am already shaken. 1.3938 0.03004 452 312 102 38
358 When did these stools get so high? 1.3938 0.03116 452 319 88 45
359 What they never tell you is that it takes seven to ten business days for all the kings men to process your request to be put back together again. 1.3938 0.02954 452 309 108 35
360 I tell ya, if I wasn't for the fact that I'm hard-boiled, things could have gotten real messy out there. 1.3938 0.03068 452 316 94 42
361 Well, it could have been worse -- what if I had been brown? 1.3933 0.03094 450 315 91 43
362 I had a great Fall, but the spring and summer have been a nightmare! 1.3929 0.03087 448 314 92 42
363 I think I've finally reached my breaking point. 1.3929 0.03055 448 312 96 40
364 Eggestential crisis today. And you? 1.3929 0.03055 448 312 96 40
365 and on top of all this I keep hearing this strange peeping sound. 1.3919 0.03057 444 309 96 39
366 Let me give you a tip about Wall St. Don't sit on it. 1.3914 0.03050 442 307 97 38
367 Those brown eggs were right about the cops. 1.3913 0.04420 207 143 47 17
368 No, my name is Carl. I get that a lot though. 1.3904 0.02965 438 299 107 32
369 Now I just want to be pickled. 1.3900 0.03053 441 307 96 38
370 Before this my toughest gig had been the This Is Your Brain on Drugs PSA. 1.3897 0.03479 349 245 72 32
371 When all the King's horses and all the King's men can't put you back together again, it makes you wonder where all your tax dollars are going. 1.3884 0.03108 430 301 91 38
372 I fell off a wall and then got trampled by a bunch of idiots on horses. 1.3873 0.03056 426 295 97 34
373 C'mon, Humpty. Sit on the wall, they said. What could go wrong, they said. 1.3868 0.03084 424 295 94 35
374 I'm going through a break-up 1.3863 0.03057 422 292 97 33
375 Why would they send horses? 1.3861 0.03247 417 298 77 42
376 It's not the fall, it's the co-pay. 1.3857 0.03067 420 291 96 33
377 I really need to get plastered. 1.3852 0.02793 418 286 104 26
378 Shouldn't you be wearing a mask? 1.3844 0.03094 411 285 94 32
379 Actually, I was fine until all the king's horses showed up 1.3844 0.03074 411 284 96 31
380 No one believes me, but I was actually going up the hill to fetch a pail of water. 1.3841 0.03134 414 290 89 35
381 No, I’m John. Humpty didn’t make it. Doesn’t anybody read anymore? 1.3833 0.03247 407 290 78 39
382 I came first, but try telling a chick that. 1.3832 0.03226 394 277 83 34
383 ...so all I said is “I really think us eggs came first” and the chicken went ballistic 1.3829 0.03284 410 295 73 42
384 The horses just made things worse 1.3827 0.03124 405 282 91 32
385 I’m trying hard to look at the sunny side of things. 1.3825 0.03071 400 275 97 28
386 Sure, fine, but where were all the King’s doctors? 1.3825 0.03171 400 280 87 33
387 Lately, I've been feeling so...fragile. 1.3825 0.03814 251 171 64 16
388 What’s up with recipe books telling people to beat the eggs 1.3824 0.03146 408 286 88 34
389 By any chance, you wouldn't have a shorter barstool? 1.3821 0.03154 403 282 88 33
390 The doctors gave me three minutes, and then I'm done. 1.3819 0.03241 398 282 80 36
391 I fell on hard times 1.3818 0.03078 406 281 95 30
392 Trust me, Mexico is going to pay for this. 1.3818 0.03251 406 290 77 39
393 Sure, they put me back together - but you never hear about the crippling medical debt that followed. 1.3818 0.03118 406 283 91 32
394 And then this chicken came out of nowhere, pushed me off the wall, and said, "I was here first!" 1.3818 0.03289 406 292 73 41
395 How come the brown eggs get to say it and I can’t? 1.3818 0.03886 296 214 51 31
396 I suppose sitting on this barstool is not such a good idea either. 1.3815 0.03085 401 277 94 29
397 I'll have a wall banger. 1.3813 0.03872 257 178 60 19
398 Dammit, Jim, don’t coddle me. 1.3812 0.03128 404 282 90 32
399 Seriously, they asked "all the king's horses" to put me back together. It thought it was just a sick joke, but it turns out to be the long awaited Republican replacement plan for Obamacare. 1.3812 0.03263 404 289 76 39
400 Well, I’ve certainly learned my lesson. Next time I’ll wear a mask at Whole Foods. 1.3806 0.03274 402 288 75 39
401 A wall? No, I fell off the wagon. 1.3806 0.03138 402 281 89 32
402 I was up on my wall as usual, then I was mistaken for a confederate monument. 1.3806 0.03178 402 283 85 34
403 Its not over and it hasn't been easy 1.3806 0.03216 402 285 81 36
404 I didn’t scramble fast enough. 1.3806 0.02934 402 271 109 22
405 Pour me one, I fell off the wagon. 1.3800 0.03208 400 283 82 35
406 And now look at me...alone at a bar. The shell of a man. 1.3800 0.03169 400 281 86 33
407 Turns out they could put me back together again. I'm just not sure how I feel about it. 1.3800 0.02985 400 272 104 24
408 I guess you could say I fell off the wagon. 1.3800 0.03188 400 282 84 34
409 Put this on the King’s tab. 1.3794 0.03119 398 277 91 30
410 Close call. I thought she wanted to merengue. 1.3794 0.03139 398 278 89 31
411 You think I'm cracked, look at your president! 1.3794 0.03277 398 285 75 38
412 Fall, my ass. I was pushed. 1.3788 0.03170 396 278 86 32
413 I prefer to call it a tremendous fall. 1.3785 0.03219 391 276 82 33
414 Some guy yells “you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs” and the next thing I know two pieces of toast jump me. 1.3785 0.03319 391 281 72 38
415 Ever feel like something inside you is fighting to get out? 1.3785 0.03299 391 280 74 37
416 And then they started throwing rotten comedians at me 1.3785 0.03198 391 275 84 32
417 No, I didn’t put up a fight. Deep down inside I think I’m just a chicken. 1.3782 0.03261 394 281 77 36
418 Whip me, beat me, eat me." I'm never using that pickup line again 1.3782 0.03300 394 283 73 38
419 Build the wall, they said. 1.3779 0.03409 389 284 63 42
420 You should have seen the other guy.....he was toast! 1.3779 0.03271 389 277 77 35
421 The vegans are meaner than they look 1.3776 0.03252 392 279 78 35
422 So long story short, I’m just a shell of who I used to be. 1.3773 0.03302 387 277 74 36
423 I feel rotten. 1.3760 0.03157 383 267 88 28
424 That’s what the King’s men said, but if their body-cams worked you’d see the fall didn’t do this. 1.3753 0.03254 381 270 79 32
425 Compared to 2020, this isn't so bad. 1.3753 0.03296 381 272 75 34
426 A few put me together again - the rest were live streaming it. 1.3753 0.03190 381 267 85 29
427 Ironically, the doctor says I have low cholesterol. 1.3753 0.03254 381 270 79 32
428 At this rate I'll be eggnog by Christmas. 1.3747 0.03287 379 270 76 33
429 And you tell me what the hell were all those horses supposed to do? 1.3747 0.03223 379 267 82 30
430 And on top of everything else, it's considered a pre-existing condition. 1.3747 0.03329 379 272 72 35
431 Couldn't you get at least one stool that has a back? 1.3747 0.03113 379 262 92 25
432 And my insurance is arguing “pre-eggisting condition”! 1.3747 0.03308 379 270 74 34
433 It was the wagon. Not a wall. 1.3747 0.03266 379 269 78 32
434 All I said was, ALL eggs matter! 1.3740 0.03299 377 269 75 33
435 Make it a double. I just broke up. 1.3740 0.03445 377 276 61 40
436 Come to think of it, I have no idea what the horses were even doing there. 1.3740 0.03234 377 266 81 30
437 Might as well fall off the wagon. 1.3733 0.03354 375 270 70 35
438 Horses! They sent horses to help me, I’m lucky I wasn’t trampled to death 1.3733 0.03246 375 265 80 30
439 I was once next in line on Faberge's workbench. 1.3733 0.03224 375 264 82 29
440 I should have never listened to that deviled egg..." 1.3733 0.03156 375 261 88 26
441 Don’t ever tell a chicken that you came first. 1.3733 0.03354 375 270 70 35
442 I don't get it, Charlie. Getting laid was supposed to come naturally. 1.3727 0.03323 373 267 73 33
443 But who puts me back together on the inside? 1.3727 0.03190 373 261 85 27
444 It gets worse, then all the King’s horses showed up. 1.3720 0.03269 371 263 77 29
445 –Then the chicken said 'I know who's gonna go first'... 1.3720 0.03291 371 264 76 31
446 First day on the job, all I said was "let's get crackin" but I guess they took it literally 1.3720 0.03155 371 258 88 25
447 They said it'd be over easy. 1.3720 0.03378 371 268 68 35
448 After all the king's horses and all the king's men, the duct tape finally arrived. 1.3717 0.03250 374 265 79 30
449 I got off easy. You should see the Brown eggs. 1.3713 0.03281 369 262 77 30
450 And this motherfucker sends his HORSES to put me back together? HORSES! They don't even have opposable thumbs. HOOVES, Greg. They have hooves. You ever had someone with hooves try to piece you together? Well, I don't recommend it... Leave the bottle. 1.3713 0.03347 369 265 71 33
451 All the comfort I need is knowing all the king's horses and all the king's men now have salmonella. 1.3713 0.03281 369 262 77 30
452 I know, it's not about the fall, it's the journey. 1.3708 0.03317 356 252 76 28
453 The rhyme leaves out this part. 1.3705 0.03274 359 253 79 27
454 He sends horses to fix this. Horses! Who's advising this guy? 1.3705 0.03367 359 257 71 31
455 And then he said “You’ll have a much better view if you sit on the wall.” 1.3697 0.03139 357 246 90 21
456 Those King's men pushed me off the wall again- but this time I got video! 1.3691 0.03339 363 260 72 31
457 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t get me to live 2020 again. 1.3684 0.03306 361 257 75 29
458 No, I didn't fall. I asked a guy why he was still dumb enough to be a Trumper, and he pushed me off the wall. 1.3684 0.03465 361 264 61 36
459 I got a fifty with your name on it if you keep your mouth shut. I told the wife I fell off a wall. 1.3684 0.03259 361 255 78 27
460 I just don’t get why they sent horses. 1.3684 0.03163 361 251 87 23
461 Her tinder said vegan, she's still transitioning. 1.3682 0.04054 220 153 53 14
462 Put it on the King's tab. 1.3677 0.03341 359 257 72 30
463 I don't know that I'd call it 'great.' 1.3677 0.03223 359 252 82 25
464 If all the king's men should call, I'm not here. 1.3677 0.03318 359 256 74 29
465 Spring and summer were okay, but I had a very bad fall. 1.3677 0.03294 359 255 76 28
466 Honest to God Harry, I was siiting on the wall and all I said was "Eggs Matter Too" 1.3672 0.03374 354 254 70 30
467 These days I stay away from the top shelf. 1.3669 0.03330 357 255 73 29
468 Full disclosure, I'm not that stable on stools, either. 1.3669 0.03110 357 246 91 20
469 They kept calling me Benedict... 1.3669 0.03423 357 259 65 33
470 I don't get it, you'd think that if I could sit on a bar stool, I could sit on a wall. 1.3669 0.03469 357 261 61 35
471 What makes you think I tip a lot? 1.3669 0.03210 357 250 83 24
472 To top it all off my cholesterol is through the roof! 1.3669 0.03234 357 251 81 25
473 For a minute there I though it was all ova. 1.3665 0.03504 352 258 59 35
474 I was in a Chinese restaurant. Of course I said yes to an egg roll. 1.3665 0.03314 352 250 75 27
475 If a king's horse ever offers to put you together again, pass. 1.3655 0.03406 342 245 69 28
476 My insurance covers the yolk, but not the shell. 1.3652 0.03816 282 204 53 25
477 I think it’s finally time that I face my white fragility 1.3649 0.03413 348 251 67 30
478 It’s tough being a nest egg in this economy. 1.3649 0.03461 348 253 63 32
479 I've got to get myself together. 1.3649 0.03289 348 248 74 26
480 Make it a double; I’m still shell shocked. 1.3649 0.03437 348 252 65 31
481 You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a bar that serves breakfast all day. 1.3649 0.03389 348 250 69 29
482 Over easy, my ass. 1.3642 0.03499 346 253 60 33
483 All I said to her was “You crack me up!!” I didn’t mean it literally!!! 1.3642 0.03402 346 249 68 29
484 And of course my insurance denied the claim for the King’s horses. 1.3634 0.03314 344 244 75 25
485 On second thought, I better not—I’ve been having some balance issues. 1.3634 0.03130 344 237 89 18
486 What was I supposed to do? They called my mother a big chicken. 1.3634 0.03415 344 248 67 29
487 No, not the bourbon -- I'm a scotch egg 1.3634 0.03390 344 247 69 28
488 ...and the irony is, I actually voted to build that wall. 1.3634 0.03314 344 244 75 25
489 Sit on the wall" they said. "What could happen?" they said 1.3631 0.03336 325 228 76 21
490 No, this time it was a wagon. 1.3626 0.03378 342 245 70 27
491 I misunderstood when they said they wanted me for brunch. 1.3626 0.03527 342 251 58 33
492 Falling off the wagon’s not the worst thing I’ve done lately. 1.3626 0.03378 342 245 70 27
493 Got in another fight with a chick saying she came first. 1.3626 0.03428 342 247 66 29
494 Thirsty? I'm poached. 1.3626 0.03326 342 243 74 25
495 Just put it on the king's tab. 1.3626 0.03378 342 245 70 27
496 ...so after all the men tried, the king thought he’d let the horses give it a shot. 1.3623 0.03431 345 250 65 30
497 Eventually, all the Queen's women figured it out. 1.3623 0.03431 345 250 65 30
498 They seem all peaceful, but lemme tell you, those vegans can be vicious! 1.3623 0.03406 345 249 67 29
499 Turns out it was the co-pay, not the fall, that would break me. 1.3618 0.03206 340 237 83 20
500 With the mess summer's been, I better have a great fall. 1.3618 0.03416 340 245 67 28
501 First the wall, then the wagon 1.3618 0.03220 340 245 70 25
502 Everyone wants to talk about my great fall, but nobody remembers my meteoric rise. 1.3618 0.03247 340 241 76 23
503 Not too much, I don''t want to get fried. 1.3618 0.03206 340 237 83 20
504 Personally, I'm against building the wall. 1.3617 0.03811 282 205 52 25
505 The horses didn't really help. 1.3615 0.03369 343 246 70 27
506 My therapist thinks I was coddled too much as a child. 1.3609 0.03245 338 237 80 21
507 I just want to get fried. 1.3609 0.03378 338 242 70 26
508 What moron sends horses to fix a broken egg? 1.3609 0.03429 338 244 66 28
509 This wouldn't have happened if some idiot hadn't built that damn wall. 1.3609 0.03530 338 248 58 32
510 Nah, she’s a deviled egg for sure, but I can’t get enough of her! 1.3609 0.03245 338 237 80 21
511 I'm just not cut out for this Free Range life 1.3607 0.03357 341 244 71 26
512 Well frankly the king’s horses weren’t any help. 1.3607 0.03572 305 219 62 24
513 And I was just beginning to break out of my shell. 1.3601 0.03284 336 237 77 22
514 Better make it a double - I just got laid and already I’m shell shocked! 1.3601 0.03545 336 247 57 32
515 A double Sam, I fell off the wagon and the wall 1.3601 0.03284 336 237 77 22
516 I’ll take it shaken or stirred. Just not scrambled, ok? 1.3601 0.03519 336 246 59 31
517 Any chance you have a shorter bar stool? 1.3597 0.03557 303 217 63 23
518 I fell off the wagon. 1.3593 0.03430 334 241 66 27
519 When she asked me if I wanted to stay for breakfast I should have known something was fishy. 1.3593 0.03457 334 242 64 28
520 If I fall off this bar stool, for God’s sake, don’t call the King’s horses and men. 1.3593 0.03430 334 241 66 27
521 I was just sitting until border patrol thought I was trying to scale it 1.3593 0.03404 334 240 68 26
522 I don't know whose idea it was to involve the horses. 1.3591 0.03470 298 210 69 19
523 He egged me on! 1.3587 0.03274 329 231 78 20
524 And, honestly, I think the horses did more harm than good. 1.3587 0.03159 329 227 86 16
525 Make it all the King's whiskey. 1.3587 0.03467 329 238 64 27
526 You try walking down a ramp in leather shoes. 1.3587 0.03467 329 238 64 27
527 Ends up all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of network. 1.3587 0.03385 329 235 70 24
528 I'm screwed. Pre-egg-sisting conditions. 1.3587 0.03467 329 238 64 27
529 You know, in hindsight, the horses may have been doing more harm than good... 1.3584 0.03418 332 239 67 26
530 When was the last time you got smashed? 1.3584 0.03337 332 236 73 23
531 I shouldn't have sat on Wall Street 1.3584 0.03496 332 242 61 29
532 Straight up, no rocks. 1.3583 0.04454 187 133 41 13
533 Turns out, horses have very little dexterity. 1.3581 0.03677 296 215 56 25
534 No, Humpty was my idiot brother. I was trampled by three blind mice. 1.3578 0.03639 327 243 51 33
535 Not whiskey, please. Actually, nothing with a whisk. 1.3578 0.03343 327 232 73 22
536 ...and that wasn't the worst of it. After the King's men failed and gave up, the King's horses thought they'd give it a try. 1.3576 0.03377 330 236 70 24
537 The world has changed so much. I just can’t pull myself together this time. 1.3576 0.03431 330 238 66 26
538 it was bad luck, I fell on the U.S. side 1.3560 0.03398 323 231 69 23
539 Turns out the chicken does come first. 1.3560 0.03369 323 230 71 22
540 At least the men knew what they were doing. But the horses... the horses... 1.3560 0.03481 323 234 63 26
541 Just pour. You’ve heard my story a thousand times. 1.3560 0.03282 323 227 77 19
542 I mean I knew to expect a beating at some point. 1.3560 0.03340 323 228 73 21
543 Feels like a good time to fall off the wagon too. 1.3560 0.03454 323 233 65 25
544 I thought working from home would be safer 1.3551 0.03295 321 229 67 20
545 The report from all the king’s men listed my injuries as “none” 1.3551 0.03496 321 233 62 26
546 My insurance barely covers one of the kings horses and kings men, let alone all of them. 1.3551 0.03439 321 231 66 24
547 They couldn't have sent paramedics instead of king's horses and king's men? 1.3551 0.03382 321 229 70 22
548 This will either make or break me 1.3551 0.03324 321 227 74 20
549 So I was just sittin' on a little wall near the White House when this clown decided he wanted to swear on his bible, and push came to shove. 1.3551 0.03712 321 241 46 34
550 Not too sure a shot is going to fix it Frank. I think the problem is these high stools. 1.3551 0.03411 321 230 68 23
551 You know, I'm starting to think that even all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put this country together again. 1.3551 0.03439 321 231 66 24
552 My life is such a mess and I'm not even born 1.3551 0.03324 321 227 74 20
553 Clumsy should be a pre-eggsisting condition 1.3542 0.03307 319 225 75 19
554 It was peaceful until they started arresting all the brown eggs. 1.3542 0.03396 319 228 69 22
555 I said to him, 'You crack me up' and he went ahead and did it. 1.3542 0.03510 319 232 61 26
556 Did they really expect the King's horses to help? 1.3540 0.03359 322 232 67 23
557 I was attacked by a family of poachers 1.3537 0.03425 311 222 68 21
558 Go sit on that wall and take a selfie," they told me 1.3533 0.03496 317 230 62 25
559 No more for me, thanks. I have a splitting headache. 1.3533 0.03496 317 230 62 25
560 The free-range lifestyle is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.3533 0.03320 317 224 74 19
561 It’s never just over easy, is it? 1.3532 0.03896 218 152 55 11
562 This free range hype just isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.3526 0.04395 190 136 41 13
563 The worst part is, some kid got it on video and now I'm trending on Tik Tok. 1.3524 0.03510 315 229 61 25
564 It was the same old argument but there were more chickens this time. 1.3524 0.03539 315 230 59 26
565 Thank god they couldn't find my neck. 1.3524 0.03510 315 229 61 25
566 Do you have nog? 1.3524 0.03539 315 230 59 26
567 The last thing I remember is ordering an egg roll. 1.3524 0.03393 315 225 69 21
568 I fell off the wagon today. 1.3524 0.03510 315 229 60 25
569 The girl that used to Hump-Me Dumped-Me 1.3523 0.04840 176 130 30 16
570 Chicken wanted to come first. This is the result. 1.3514 0.03205 313 228 60 22
571 Last time it was the wall, this time it's the wagon. 1.3514 0.03437 313 225 66 22
572 I'm lucky the paramedics got to me before the King's Men. 1.3514 0.03221 313 218 80 15
573 My girlfriend dropped me. 1.3514 0.03315 313 221 74 18
574 You’re not supposed to serve anyone who’s already smashed — 1.3514 0.03407 313 224 68 21
575 Forget the King's horses and men, it was the King's women who put me back together again! 1.3513 0.03827 279 206 48 25
576 Humpty. I just go by Humpty now. 1.3506 0.03286 308 216 76 16
577 I’ve fallen on hard times 1.3506 0.03594 308 226 56 26
578 All the king's horses and all the king's men have absolutely no medical credentials. 1.3506 0.03413 308 220 68 20
579 Mexico will pay for it 1.3506 0.03505 308 223 62 23
580 And then he sent his horses to try to put me back together again. His HORSES. 1.3506 0.03413 308 220 68 20
581 Fun fact: Horses don't have opposable thumbs. 1.3506 0.04129 231 169 43 19
582 I was just sitting on a wall at the 'white eggs matter' rally. 1.3506 0.03564 308 225 58 25
583 Pour me one for poor Humpty. He didn't make it back at all. 1.3506 0.03444 308 221 66 21
584 Pleez. . . no wise cracks 1.3506 0.03564 308 225 58 25
585 ...and now they say it's a pre-existing condition! 1.3506 0.03535 308 224 60 24
586 It’s all great right up to “Go ahead, we’ll catch you”! 1.3506 0.03413 308 220 68 20
587 Leave the bottle: I plan to get pickled. 1.3506 0.03681 308 229 50 29
588 Over easy, please. 1.3505 0.03510 311 226 61 24
589 The horses were a terrible idea. 1.3505 0.03420 311 222 67 21
590 Fell off a wall? That's Fake News. It was all the king's horses." 1.3505 0.03359 311 221 71 19
591 All I said was there are no eggs in egg creams. 1.3500 0.04791 160 115 34 11
592 I kept saying to them “un euof is un euof!!” 1.3497 0.03549 306 223 59 24
593 Off the wall, off the wagon, what's the difference? 1.3497 0.03639 306 226 53 27
594 Why did my mother cross the road? 1.3497 0.03609 306 225 55 26
595 The craziest part is when I woke up, there was a horse trying to glue me back together. 1.3495 0.03373 309 220 70 19
596 I'm telling you, the King's men are incompetent. 1.3495 0.03310 309 218 74 17
597 It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the horses. 1.3495 0.03147 309 213 84 12
598 ...and the worst part is, I’m still not fertilized! 1.3495 0.03434 309 222 66 21
599 Then, they let the horses try. 1.3493 0.03680 272 196 57 19
600 Yoga, actually. 1.3485 0.03510 307 223 61 23
601 Next thing I know I get a bill for $457,812! 1.3481 0.03690 293 216 52 25
602 Have you got something with a lot of calcium? 1.3481 0.03495 293 210 64 19
603 Unfortunately, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men don’t take my health insurance. 1.3477 0.03518 302 219 61 22
604 We are all a little broken 1.3477 0.03325 302 213 73 16
605 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Humpty Dumpty drank alcohol. All the bar's whiskey, and all the bar's gin, couldn't make Humpty feel better again. 1.3477 0.03641 302 223 53 26
606 All I said to the chick was, “I came first”! 1.3477 0.03486 302 218 63 21
607 My advice? Stay away from all the king's horses, all the king's men, and the police. 1.3477 0.03610 302 222 55 25
608 His lawyer claims I egged him on. 1.3477 0.03455 302 217 65 20
609 So then I said, 'I'll sit wherever I want', and that's the last thing I remember. 1.3477 0.03423 302 216 67 19
610 Believe me, nursery rhymes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. 1.3477 0.03325 302 213 73 16
611 I'm good for it, not broke yet. 1.3477 0.03455 302 217 65 20
612 Fake news, I was pushed. 1.3469 0.03451 294 210 66 18
613 I.D.? Give me a break! 1.3469 0.03551 294 213 60 21
614 I love her! She cracks me up every time. 1.3467 0.03595 300 220 56 24
615 Tuck and roll didn't work for me. 1.3467 0.03371 300 213 70 17
616 I need to get plastered. 1.3467 0.03437 300 215 66 19
617 No more top shelf for me. 1.3467 0.03501 300 217 62 21
618 It's not just sticks and stones—have you been on Twitter? 1.3467 0.03437 300 215 66 19
619 Is it normal to feel broken after getting laid? 1.3467 0.03437 300 215 66 19
620 And when I came to, all I could hear was someone reciting some stupid poem. 1.3467 0.03687 300 223 50 27
621 It was a cooking class... they were making mayonnaise. 1.3467 0.03404 300 214 68 18
622 Cut me off before I get fall-down drunk. 1.3467 0.03626 300 221 54 25
623 They kept passing me along from spoon to spoon and then let their nasty kids roll me through the grass..." 1.3467 0.03564 300 219 58 23
624 Six feet he says, schooch over he says... 1.3465 0.03508 303 220 61 22
625 Yes, I work on Wall Street. What's your point? 1.3465 0.03381 303 216 69 18
626 Make that a double . . . no, wait, make it a dozen. 1.3456 0.03351 298 211 71 16
627 Yes, I’ve fallen off the wagon. 1.3456 0.03451 298 214 65 19
628 Those horses...they came out of nowhere! 1.3447 0.03318 293 206 73 14
629 and now I'm just tryin' not to get fried in this pan-demic 1.3446 0.03432 296 212 66 18
630 There was a dozen of us. 1.3446 0.03531 296 215 60 21
631 Actually they did put me back together again.....then this happened from seeing the medical bill 1.3436 0.03604 291 213 56 22
632 And all the king’s horses just stood there and neighed. 1.3436 0.03470 291 209 64 18
633 Ya, I'm 21. 21 pieces. Pour the goddamn drink. 1.3436 0.03734 291 217 48 26
634 Make that a double shot of Elmer's! 1.3436 0.03571 291 212 58 21
635 No, not great. I fell off the wagon. 1.3436 0.03401 291 207 68 16
636 Neat. Don't even mention rocks!! 1.3436 0.03538 291 211 60 20
637 I didn’t fall off the wall. I walked around the end of it and tripped on a rock. 1.3436 0.03702 291 216 50 25
638 I swear if that's eggnog....." 1.3436 0.03538 291 211 60 20
639 All I said to her was 'Hey, Baby. Let's make an omelette together'. 1.3436 0.03571 291 212 58 21
640 It wasn't my two-handed drinking, it was my slippery leather soles. 1.3436 0.03702 291 216 50 25
641 I know, I know...I had a great fall. Just keep pouring. 1.3436 0.03366 291 206 70 15
642 Summer was good but then I had a bad fall. 1.3436 0.03538 291 211 60 20
643 I guess he found it œuf-fensive 1.3436 0.03571 291 212 58 21
644 I’ll never fall for that again. 1.3435 0.03674 294 218 51 25
645 Well... it's like an intense pecking... but from the inside! 1.3435 0.03562 294 217 54 23
646 It was all going so well until the horses started helping. 1.3435 0.03480 294 212 63 19
647 At least my Covid test came back negative 1.3426 0.03587 289 211 57 21
648 ... and i said 'all right, chicken, let's settle this matter once and for all'. 1.3426 0.03485 289 208 63 18
649 I tell ya, this cage free trend is no picnic. 1.3426 0.03620 289 212 55 22
650 Well, I kept egging him on. 1.3426 0.03485 289 208 63 18
651 Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. 1.3426 0.03783 289 217 45 27
652 No joke, she said, this one will really crack you up. 1.3426 0.03450 289 207 65 17
653 Do I have egg on my face? 1.3426 0.03653 289 213 53 23
654 Being hard boiled has its advantages after all. 1.3426 0.03380 289 205 69 15
655 So, I figure I might as well fall off the wagon too. 1.3426 0.03553 289 210 59 20
656 Sorry, we don’t serve food here. 1.3426 0.03783 289 217 45 27
657 I mean, have YOU seen a horse put an egg back together again? 1.3425 0.03594 292 214 56 22
658 Actually, it was the damned ramp going down from the wall that got me. 1.3425 0.03627 292 215 54 23
659 Fortunately, one of the king's men had superglue. 1.3425 0.03528 292 212 60 20
660 I hate Easter. 1.3425 0.03691 292 217 50 25
661 Who the hell asks horses to try to put an egg back together again? 1.3415 0.03595 284 207 57 20
662 No , you’re thinking of my cousin. I just went to a Trump rally. 1.3415 0.03560 284 206 59 19
663 I wasn't wearing a mask. 1.3415 0.03653 287 211 46 23
664 I’d tell you about it, but I’m saving it for my book. 1.3405 0.03673 279 205 53 21
665 I feel empty inside 1.3404 0.03515 285 206 61 18
666 I should have known that Trump's wall wouldn't be worth a damn. 1.3404 0.03550 285 207 59 19
667 Tear down the Wall" they said. Coulda looked up first 1.3404 0.03619 285 209 55 21
668 It wasn't a "great" fall but PR saw an opportunity and ran with it 1.3404 0.03550 285 207 59 19
669 To be honest, all the Kings horses made things worse 1.3403 0.03348 288 204 70 14
670 Make it a triple. I wanna get smashed all over again" 1.3401 0.04384 197 145 37 15
671 I had a great winter, spring, and summer, but then ... 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
672 And ever since I’ve just been a shell of my former self. 1.3392 0.03635 283 208 54 21
673 Make it neat. I had a bad experience on the rocks. 1.3392 0.03422 283 202 66 15
674 ....and then I found out that only some of the King's horses and none of the King's men were actually in network 1.3392 0.03494 283 204 62 17
675 Put it on Mexico’s tab. 1.3392 0.03770 283 212 46 25
676 Make it a stiff one. I know this looks like a funny situation but the editors are only going to pick a dumb play on words for a caption. 1.3392 0.03565 283 209 54 20
677 And we are only 6 months into 2020 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
678 Yeah I’ve had an awful time of it. Fell off a wall then I walked into a bar. 1.3381 0.03545 281 204 59 18
679 I’m anti-wall. 1.3381 0.03545 281 204 59 18
680 There's no sunny side to being a good egg. 1.3381 0.03616 281 206 55 20
681 I coulda' been a U.S. grade AA. 1.3381 0.03545 281 204 59 18
682 The men were doing just fine until the horses showed up. 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
683 So, I’m hereby withdrawing my support for “Build the Wall” 1.3381 0.03545 281 209 51 21
684 He just kept coming at me with the one-liners, even when I begged, "Please stop, you're cracking me up!" 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
685 I didn’t fall. I was pushed. And all for a stupid photo-op. 1.3381 0.03651 281 207 53 21
686 No, off the wagon. 1.3381 0.03342 281 204 58 17
687 Let’s see if all the king’s tequila can do any better. 1.3380 0.03519 284 206 60 18
688 Turns out they were right, you CAN’T make an omelette without breaking an egg 1.3370 0.03475 276 198 63 15
689 To make a long story short, I had a great fall. 1.3370 0.03696 276 204 51 21
690 Only a sadist would say it was a 'great fall' 1.3370 0.03696 276 203 51 21
691 So he said, “Come on down, I know a great place to sit, very stable, and with great views of Mexico.” 1.3370 0.03801 276 207 45 24
692 Defund the king's horses. Period. 1.3370 0.03587 276 201 57 18
693 I thought working for a juggler would be fun. 1.3370 0.03624 276 202 55 19
694 It's not too bad, but I am a little shell shocked. 1.3370 0.03550 276 200 59 17
695 No. I don’t care for a Harvey Wall-banger 1.3370 0.03660 276 203 53 20
696 so,yeah - not a good idea to bring up my safety concerns about walls at a MAGA rally 1.3370 0.03660 276 203 53 20
697 I told them I couldn’t wear a mask on account of I’ve got no ears, but they wouldn’t listen. 1.3370 0.03731 276 205 49 22
698 You're sure a shot of bleach will help? 1.3370 0.03870 276 209 41 26
699 Why do people assume that the king's horses and men know what they're doing? 1.3370 0.03696 276 204 51 21
700 Give me a wallbanger 1.3370 0.03587 276 201 57 18
701 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men were in quarantine. 1.3369 0.03561 279 203 58 18
702 This was no fairy tale. 1.3369 0.03450 279 200 64 15
703 Bad lay? 1.3369 0.03873 279 212 40 27
704 . . . and now I've fallen off the wagon. 1.3369 0.03597 279 204 56 19
705 The worst part is I can’t get that nursery rhyme out of my head. 1.3369 0.03737 279 208 48 23
706 Fortunately, the Border Protection guy had some Crazy Glue on him. 1.3369 0.03772 279 209 46 24
707 I definitely have learned to rely on the medical experts and not the king and his men and horses 1.3369 0.03632 279 205 54 20
708 Have a great fall," they all tell me! I'll be lucky to make it through July! 1.3369 0.03772 279 209 46 24
709 No, that's enough. That's why I fell the first time. 1.3369 0.03561 279 203 58 18
710 Chickens, huh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. 1.3346 0.03864 266 200 43 23
711 It has rhyme, but lacks reason... 1.3346 0.03752 266 197 49 20
712 No, I wasn't making a "yolk," I'm Swedish. 1.3346 0.03900 266 201 41 24
713 Brown, white! We are all eggs! We all have the same yolk inside! 1.3346 0.03597 266 193 57 16
714 Why, yes, I do work on Wall St. How did you guess? 1.3346 0.03570 269 195 58 16
715 Oh, she broke more than just my heart 1.3346 0.03466 272 195 63 14
716 All the King's men, and no universal healthcare. 1.3346 0.03766 272 203 47 22
717 Have you ever seen a horse try to put something back together? 1.3346 0.03582 272 198 57 17
718 It started off as a sunny side up kind of day but it ended over hard. 1.3346 0.03873 272 206 41 25
719 Do you have a lower barstool? 1.3333 0.03748 246 179 52 15
720 All the king's men were helping, but then all the horses arrived. 1.3333 0.03520 270 195 60 15
721 When someone says, ‘You crack me up!’ Believe them the first time. 1.3333 0.03790 273 205 45 23
722 She told me I wasn’t all I’m cracked up to be 1.3321 0.03662 271 200 52 19
723 If I fall off my stool, please don’t let any of the king’s horses near me. 1.3321 0.03470 271 195 62 14
724 I just wanna get fried. 1.3321 0.03662 271 200 52 19
725 I’m telling you straight man. I was this close to becoming a shell of my former self. 1.3321 0.03662 271 200 52 19
726 ...and so I told the chicken 'Eggs first!... 1.3321 0.03839 268 202 43 23
727 No more for me, Sam. I think I hit the wall. 1.3321 0.03728 268 199 49 20
728 Anyways.. enough about my problems. How was your day? 1.3321 0.03728 268 199 49 20
729 So I told him he needed to put on a mask... 1.3321 0.03690 268 198 51 19
730 Please, not another wallbanger 1.3321 0.03536 268 194 59 15
731 So I told him, ‘sure, I’ll take a crack at it..’ 1.3321 0.03496 268 193 61 14
732 If anyone asks, I fell off a wall. 1.3321 0.03476 268 200 50 18
733 Smoke canisters and rubber bullets; All I wanted to do was to sit on my wall in Lafayette park. 1.3321 0.03802 268 201 45 22
734 It's a hell of a job. Every time some kid recites the rhyme... 1.3321 0.03728 268 199 49 20
735 I wish they'd never built that damn wall. 1.3321 0.03765 268 200 47 21
736 Their hooves were the worst part. 1.3320 0.03923 253 190 42 21
737 Never quote Kant in a street confrontation. 1.3316 0.04443 196 147 33 16
738 Another tough day on Wall Street 1.3309 0.03679 269 199 51 19
739 It didn't even occur to them to send for the king's doctor. 1.3309 0.03641 269 198 53 18
740 Maybe the King’s Gin will have better luck. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
741 Today was the day I finally cracked. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
742 And I *still* haven't met my deductible. 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
743 It's been a rough spring and summer, but the doctor says I'll have a great fall. 1.3308 0.03511 266 192 60 14
744 House whiskey is fine. I’m terrified of the top shelf. 1.3308 0.03745 266 197 48 20
745 Do you ever think life isn't what it's all cracked up to be? 1.3308 0.03470 266 193 59 14
746 I was nearly beaten up. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
747 ALL THE KING'S MEN KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MEDICINE 1.3308 0.03894 266 202 40 24
748 I just think the king needs better men. 1.3308 0.03408 266 197 53 16
749 Let me tell you from personal experience, horses and men know nothing about first aid. 1.3308 0.03511 266 192 60 14
750 And then I asked, "Whose moronic idea was it to build this wall in the first place?" 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
751 Stirred, definitely not shaken. 1.3308 0.03820 266 200 44 22
752 New girlfriend. Athletic type. Into rock climbing. You can guess the rest. 1.3308 0.03630 266 195 54 17
753 So, yeah. White fragility is real. 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
754 I picked the wrong one to hump and dump. 1.3308 0.03857 266 201 42 23
755 Honestly, the King’s horses weren’t much help. 1.3308 0.03551 266 193 58 15
756 He said Mexico would pay for my medical bills. 1.3308 0.03783 266 199 46 21
757 All I remember was calling Mother Goose a sweet old broad. 1.3308 0.03470 266 191 62 13
758 Off the wall, off the wagon, at least I’m out of the frying pan. 1.3308 0.03618 263 192 55 16
759 What the hell did the king expect the horses to do? 1.3308 0.03814 263 197 45 21
760 Thank you, it's not easy to find a bar that serves pickled eggs these days 1.3308 0.03737 263 195 49 19
761 But I've always thought of myself as a good egg! 1.3308 0.03658 263 193 53 17
762 Then, after the statues, they came for the oval office workers. 1.3308 0.03658 263 193 53 17
763 I have no idea what the horses were supposed to be doing there. 1.3308 0.03578 263 191 57 15
764 King's horses, with a $500 copay. 1.3308 0.03658 263 193 53 17
765 I crack easily under pressure. 1.3308 0.03618 263 192 55 16
766 ... so, all I said to him was, "Shouldn't you be wearing a mask?" 1.3308 0.03578 263 191 57 15
767 What were they thinking? Horses don’t have hands! 1.3306 0.04005 242 182 40 20
768 Let me tell ya, 2020’s not all it’s cracked up to be! 1.3295 0.03794 261 195 46 20
769 I’ve fallen off the wagon this time, Joe. 1.3295 0.03832 261 196 44 21
770 ‘Everyone keeps telling me that I should stop this silly, orange bird from pecking it’s way out but every time it tweets, it’s crazier and crazier and I just can’t help myself...’ 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
771 It wasn't that bad until the King's men showed up. 1.3295 0.03675 261 191 52 17
772 Frankly, I only think the horses made things worse. 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
773 Apparently you can break an egg without making an omelet. 1.3295 0.03594 261 190 56 15
774 Today has not gone over easy. 1.3295 0.03635 261 191 54 16
775 I keep having this dream that I'm falling... 1.3295 0.03675 261 192 52 17
776 My crime? Wall-sitting while ovoid! That was my crime! 1.3295 0.03594 261 190 56 15
777 'Give me a break,' I told her. 1.3295 0.03832 261 196 44 21
778 I was fine until the horses showed up! 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
779 Most of these injuries were actually caused by a horse trying to put on the band-aids. 1.3295 0.03553 261 189 58 14
780 Ya know Harry, I feel like I'm just a shell of the egg I used to be. 1.3295 0.03635 261 191 54 16
781 All I did was sit on his wall and then the Feds arrived. 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
782 You know the phrase, walking on eggshells? It’s brutal, man. It’s brutal. 1.3295 0.03553 261 189 58 14
783 That last one really cracked me up 1.3288 0.03857 222 161 49 12
784 Thanks. I'm beat. 1.3273 0.04722 165 123 30 12
785 If I'm being honest, the king's horses just made it worse. 1.3269 0.03680 260 192 51 17
786 All the king's men were actually pretty helpful. The horses, not so much. 1.3269 0.03386 260 185 65 10
787 They said 2020 would be over easy... But now I just feel like a shell of my former self. 1.3268 0.03791 257 192 46 19
788 That’s what I’m trying to tell you Jimmie, they said I had an undiagnosed hairline fracture and poof - no coverage. It was a whole pre existing condition thing.... 1.3268 0.04024 257 198 34 25
789 One of these days I'm just gonna break, Jerry! 1.3268 0.03455 257 184 62 11
790 I remember when the King's men would try to help you out. 1.3268 0.03710 257 190 50 17
791 So as soon as I fell, I managed to scramble away. 1.3268 0.03585 257 187 56 14
792 I thought I'd see a surgeon in the ER,but NO!!... I get King's horses and King's men 1.3268 0.03948 257 196 38 23
793 Defund all the king's men 1.3268 0.03751 257 191 48 18
794 Whoever said a wall would keep you safe? 1.3268 0.03585 257 187 56 14
795 This time make it neat, I've had enough rocks for one day. 1.3268 0.03669 257 189 52 16
796 Just keep pouring until I'm pickled. 1.3268 0.03870 257 194 42 21
797 Make it a double, I fell off the wagon today. 1.3268 0.03986 257 197 36 24
798 Make it a double. I had a great fall. 1.3268 0.03669 257 189 52 16
799 No, it was a couple of EMTs from Mt. Sinai. The King's horses and men just watched. 1.3268 0.03710 257 190 50 17
800 Could be worse. You should see the statue of Columbus. 1.3268 0.03822 254 190 45 19
801 Make it a double. Actually, make it a dozen. 1.3265 0.04373 196 147 34 15
802 Fortunately, one of the King's Men went to medical school. 1.3264 0.03777 242 178 49 15
803 Being a good egg isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.3255 0.03601 255 186 55 14
804 When egg beaters come after you, it’s never over easy. 1.3255 0.03644 255 187 53 15
805 yeah well, you try social distancing up on top of a wall 1.3255 0.03644 255 187 53 15
806 I’m sick of being the fall guy. 1.3255 0.03644 255 187 53 15
807 All The King’s Men were helpful, but the horses! Oh my god, the horses! 1.3255 0.03727 255 189 49 17
808 Thank God all the King’s Women were there! 1.3241 0.03869 253 191 42 20
809 Of course I've heard of the 12 step program, I've fallen down every one of them! 1.3241 0.03660 253 186 52 15
810 Last words I heard were “over easy”. 1.3241 0.03909 253 192 40 21
811 I think I'll move to a booth. 1.3241 0.03660 253 186 52 15
812 I’m not all I’m cracked up to be. 1.3241 0.03869 253 191 42 20
813 I did not fall; I was pushed! 1.3240 0.03733 250 185 49 16
814 Rough day I’m one crack away from being scrambled 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
815 How'd you get the drink to be that frothy? 1.3240 0.03942 250 189 39 21
816 I got rolled. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
817 So she says, "Well, why were you sitting on a wall?" Not exactly the point, am I right? 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
818 She just threw me out of the nest. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
819 ...so now I'm just trying to put myself back together again. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
820 I shouldn’t have egged them on 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
821 It's okay. We all fall down. 1.3240 0.03733 250 185 49 16
822 Please, not on the rocks. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
823 Fall? Fall? I was pushed Dude. 1.3240 0.03860 250 188 43 19
824 These protests are no place for a guy with my body type. 1.3240 0.03557 250 181 57 12
825 I'm finally acknowledging my White fragility. 1.3240 0.03511 250 180 59 11
826 I mean, I appreciated all the kings horses and all the kings men but I could have really used a doctor" 1.3240 0.03557 250 181 57 12
827 I'm hard boiled on the inside. 1.3240 0.03860 250 188 43 19
828 Well, I tell ya, it didn't go over easy. 1.3240 0.03602 250 182 55 13
829 Never tell an introvert to break out of their shell. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
830 I was in the waiting room at the fertility clinic when this guy attacked me. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
831 Fortunately, one of the King's men was a plastic surgeon. 1.3240 0.03776 250 186 47 17
832 I actually did fall off the wagon. 1.3240 0.03465 250 179 61 10
833 No wise cracks please. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
834 ...horses... they sent in horses, to put me back together. 1.3239 0.03808 247 184 46 17
835 Oeuf! What a day... 1.3226 0.03794 248 185 46 17
836 And then she said, "Come sit on the wall with me! It'll be fun!" 1.3223 0.03769 242 179 48 15
837 I didn't expect to be coddled, but, she knew I was fragile. 1.3223 0.03814 242 180 46 16
838 Phew, thanks bartender. I was mistaken for a peaceful protestor on my way in. 1.3211 0.04025 246 189 35 22
839 Turns out, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are out of network. 1.3211 0.03725 246 182 49 15
840 The worst part - the really unbearable part - was the horses. 1.3211 0.03635 246 180 53 13
841 I was just trying to get laid 1.3211 0.03725 246 182 49 15
842 Tom, I'm feeling white and fragile. 1.3211 0.03813 246 184 45 17
843 I tell ya, that cardboard container is no defense at all. 1.3211 0.03813 246 184 45 17
844 I knew I was in trouble when the President promised me excellent health care . . . 1.3211 0.03983 246 188 37 21
845 It was a minor injury until the horses tried to help. 1.3211 0.03680 246 181 51 14
846 I fell off a wall. Might as well fall off the wagon. 1.3211 0.03899 246 186 41 19
847 Don't ask. Hardboiled guys like me might crack but we don't spill our guts. 1.3211 0.03769 246 183 47 16
848 This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail. It was like an ice skating rink. And I said, 'General, I have a problem.' 1.3211 0.04066 246 190 33 23
849 I look like a hard-boiled detective, but I guess I'm just yellow inside. 1.3211 0.03856 246 185 43 18
850 Build the wall, they said. It’ll keep us safe, they said. 1.3211 0.03856 246 185 43 18
851 I guess chickens CAN fly,it's just best when they don't. 1.3211 0.03635 246 180 53 13
852 They talk about drinking and driving, but nothing on the safety of sitting on a wall half pissed. 1.3211 0.03941 246 187 39 20
853 You should see Jack and Jill. 1.3211 0.03983 246 188 37 21
854 I simply can't grasp the concepts of "sitting on a wall" and "having a great fall" as part of the plot for a children's tale or song. 1.3211 0.03941 246 187 39 20
855 Boy, do feel rotten today. 1.3204 0.04154 206 154 38 14
856 ...I think the horses just made it worse. 1.3198 0.03800 247 185 45 17
857 And just how could all of those horses have possibly helped? 1.3198 0.03339 247 180 57 10
858 I’ll tell ya man - I’m pretty broken up about her 1.3197 0.03698 244 180 50 14
859 I don't remember a THING after Easter... 1.3197 0.03788 244 182 46 16
860 I told some chicken I came first 1.3197 0.03510 244 176 58 10
861 and then I was beaten 1.3197 0.03832 244 183 44 17
862 Just when I thought 2020 couldn't get any worse... 1.3197 0.03962 244 186 38 20
863 I asked how to make an umlaut. She thought I said omelette and things went badly from there. 1.3197 0.03788 244 182 46 16
864 The recipe said to beat eggs lightly...LIGHTLY! 1.3197 0.03652 244 179 52 13
865 Nah, that's some other guy. I fell off the wagon, not a wall. 1.3197 0.03832 244 183 44 17
866 I said, "I don't need a mask," and then they jumped me. 1.3197 0.03558 244 177 56 11
867 Broke? This one’s on me. 1.3197 0.03876 244 184 42 18
868 Then, when all the king's horses arrived things really went downhill. 1.3197 0.03919 244 185 40 19
869 Give me a 2021 Biden, and make it a double. 1.3197 0.03876 244 184 42 18
870 Mom just had to cross the road. She wouldn't say why. 1.3197 0.03743 244 181 48 15
871 I called all the King’s horses and all the King’s men but they were working remotely. 1.3182 0.03761 242 180 47 15
872 The president says I fell harder on purpose. 1.3182 0.03912 220 163 44 13
873 Trump and his damn wall! 1.3182 0.03851 242 182 43 17
874 ....And then he said Mexico was going to pay for it. 1.3182 0.03895 242 183 41 18
875 Yes I do admit it was insensitive to yell, 'Egg lives matter!' 1.3182 0.03669 242 178 51 13
876 Ironically I was against the wall the whole time. 1.3180 0.03793 239 178 46 15
877 And then they said "You fit the description of a brown egg we had an anonymous tip about." 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
878 The king’s men were the ones who pushed me off. 1.3180 0.03746 239 177 48 14
879 King’s Men are buying. 1.3180 0.03603 239 174 54 11
880 Actually, make it another Wallbanger. 1.3180 0.03885 239 180 42 17
881 It’s really the inside that’s broken 1.3180 0.03603 239 174 54 11
882 On second thought, hold the rocks. 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
883 Some wiseguy introduced me as "TRUMPTY Dumpty"! 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
884 Yes, the men and horses were useless. Thank God for National Health. 1.3180 0.03675 239 182 39 17
885 Yeah! It was the Egg Beaters mob! 1.3180 0.03839 239 179 44 16
886 I'm not sure building a wall is a good idea. 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
887 To paraphrase Mark Twain, medical expertise of all the king's horses and all the king's men is greatly exaggerated." 1.3178 0.03826 236 176 45 15
888 And then they said, “Let’s let the horses try it.” 1.3178 0.03778 236 175 47 14
889 I’m always the fall guy. 1.3167 0.04054 180 130 43 7
890 How did you know my name is Humpty? 1.3166 0.04000 199 146 43 10
891 I think I’d better not... this stool seems awfully high. 1.3165 0.03950 237 180 39 18
892 The police are really cracking down now 1.3158 0.04046 209 156 40 13
893 Understand you have capacity requirements, but I’ve had a rough go with outdoor seating as of late 1.3153 0.04185 222 171 32 19
894 Easy on the egg nog Larry... 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
895 So I was visiting the Great Wall of China... 1.3149 0.03971 235 179 38 18
896 ...so then he's like, "sure, let the horses take a shot." 1.3149 0.03586 235 171 54 10
897 And then she said her name was Karen and she was calling the police 1.3149 0.03878 235 177 42 16
898 I feel there's another me trying to get out. 1.3149 0.03783 235 175 46 14
899 The wall doesn't really exist. Slippery ramp got me. 1.3149 0.03878 235 177 42 16
900 Make it a stiff one. I'm sort of shell-shocked. 1.3149 0.03831 235 176 44 15
901 They should've sent the Queen. 1.3149 0.03971 235 179 38 18
902 Sure brown eggs matter. ALL eggs matter! 1.3149 0.04016 235 180 36 19
903 As an egg, I should have chosen a different profession than a stunt double. 1.3149 0.03686 235 173 50 12
904 Do I look like I take it neat? 1.3149 0.04150 235 183 30 22
905 I guess it’s no secret I’ve fallen off the wagon. 1.3149 0.03783 235 175 46 14
906 I just found out I'm unfertilized. 1.3149 0.03735 235 174 48 13
907 Humpty Dumpty sat at a bar. Humpty Dumpty had lost his job, his house, and his car... 1.3149 0.03783 235 175 46 14
908 The fall wasn't that bad. It was those horses. 1.3149 0.03535 235 170 56 9
909 You think I look bad? You should have seen the chicken. 1.3149 0.03878 235 177 42 16
910 I tell her,"I had a great Summer." So SHE says,"Well, I hope you have a great Fall…" 1.3149 0.04016 235 180 36 19
911 Let’s see those egg-heads try to caption this one. 1.3143 0.04502 175 132 31 12
912 Actually, the horses caused most of the damage. 1.3137 0.03990 204 151 42 11
913 I can't fault the King's horses. They tried. 1.3137 0.03929 204 153 40 11
914 Is it me or is this stool wobbly? 1.3137 0.03990 204 151 42 11
915 I don't know what they thought the horses would do 1.3136 0.03623 236 173 52 11
916 I didn't mind the king's men trying to help, but why did they have to send in all those horses? 1.3136 0.03573 236 172 54 10
917 When they said it was called Wall Street, I should have known... 1.3136 0.03573 236 172 54 10
918 If you must know, I’m the President’s pollster. 1.3136 0.03864 236 178 42 16
919 The King's men didn't do so bad, but I don't see why they had to get the King's horses involved. 1.3136 0.03672 236 174 50 12
920 Until this happened, I had a fabulous view of the White House. 1.3136 0.03672 236 174 50 12
921 Apparently “his” wall is not as great, sturdy, nor beautiful as he told everyone 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
922 Pour me a drink before i chicken out 1.3133 0.04038 233 179 35 19
923 Maybe you should let all the queen’s women give it a try? 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
924 She broke up with me 1.3133 0.03602 233 170 53 10
925 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, but Humpty Dumpty made last call 1.3133 0.03802 233 174 45 14
926 No one knows how to walk on eggshells anymore 1.3133 0.03602 233 170 53 10
927 They tried to crack me but I’m not one to be beaten 1.3133 0.03703 233 172 49 12
928 Then I told the protesters, 'It's Humpty Dumpty, not Dumpty Trumpty,' and only then did they stop hitting me. 1.3133 0.04128 233 181 31 21
929 ...Yea. She wants a separation. 1.3133 0.03850 233 175 43 15
930 Excuse me, bartender. You got some tape with that scotch? 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
931 You should have seen the crowd when I sat on that wall. Everyone was cheering, then someone shouted "Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall".... 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
932 I fell off a wall 1.3133 0.04083 233 180 33 20
933 Luckily I am hard boiled. 1.3133 0.03898 233 175 41 16
934 Since I fell off the wagon already, I'll have a double 1.3133 0.03850 233 175 43 15
935 I told you not to fall for her 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
936 I don't know how much longer I can keep defending this wall. 1.3133 0.03802 233 174 45 14
937 Straight up please - I've had enough rocks today. 1.3133 0.03653 233 171 51 11
938 They claimed it was a pre-existing condition, but I didn't fall for that. 1.3133 0.03753 233 173 47 13
939 Rehab couldn’t put me back together again either. 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
940 All the King's horses and all the King's men still couldn't tell me why he insisted on building that damn wall. 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
941 Make it neat, I've been on the rocks all day. 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
942 It wasn’t so much one great fall as it was a series of missteps... 1.3133 0.03753 233 173 47 13
943 Pour me a stiff one, I'm a recovering crackhead. 1.3133 0.04038 233 179 35 19
944 Yeah, it was a bad breakup. 1.3133 0.03850 233 175 43 15
945 ... I don't think I can keep myself together anymore. 1.3133 0.03802 233 174 45 14
946 The Wall is a causing alot of problems. 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
947 All the King's horses and All the King's men, and some Krazy Glue did the trick. 1.3131 0.04132 198 148 38 12
948 I told them I wasn’t chicken... 1.3130 0.03735 230 170 48 12
949 No, it was the wagon this time. 1.3130 0.03785 230 171 46 13
950 What's worse, I paid for the damn wall. 1.3130 0.03884 230 172 42 15
951 You don't understand. I literally fell off the wagon. 1.3130 0.03416 230 164 60 6
952 Just seltzer for me, Mack. Booze is why I climbed up on the damn wall in the first place. 1.3130 0.03933 230 174 40 16
953 No more drinks. You're smashed. 1.3130 0.03835 230 172 44 14
954 This is what it looks like when the king’s horses try to put you back together again. 1.3130 0.03933 230 174 40 16
955 Free range means you can get dropped anywhere. 1.3130 0.03735 230 170 48 12
956 Could have been much worse if I were a brown egg. 1.3130 0.03632 230 167 52 10
957 Seemed like a good time to fall off the wagon too. 1.3130 0.03785 230 171 46 13
958 Let me tell you, cage-free isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. 1.3120 0.03836 234 176 43 15
959 You wouldn’t happen to have a couple Eggcedrin? 1.3120 0.03788 234 175 45 14
960 Not a wall, it was just this damn barstool last night. 1.3118 0.04434 170 127 33 10
961 I said shaken, not scrambled 1.3118 0.04512 170 128 31 11
962 It was all about who came first" 1.3116 0.04175 199 150 36 13
963 I had a great fall, but this summer has really sucked so far. 1.3114 0.03804 228 170 45 13
964 So I'm sitting on a wall, minding my own business..." 1.3114 0.03953 228 173 39 16
965 Make it a double, I'm pretty broken up. 1.3114 0.03953 228 173 39 16
966 They're saying I fell? Fake news. 1.3114 0.03804 228 170 45 13
967 I made the mistake of telling my mother I came first. 1.3114 0.03953 228 173 39 16
968 After a few drinks they egged me on to go sit on a wall. 1.3114 0.03804 228 170 45 13
969 This is gonna go right through me. 1.3114 0.04097 228 176 33 19
970 Damn right breaking up is hard to do. Tell me something I don’t know. 1.3114 0.03430 228 163 59 6
971 ...You know the Muffin Man? 1.3114 0.03753 228 169 47 12
972 I'm OK. It's the brown eggs that really got beaten. 1.3108 0.03976 222 168 39 15
973 First I'm reading "White Fragility", then this happens... 1.3108 0.03924 222 167 41 14
974 The director was lousy. It took sixty-two takes. 1.3108 0.04683 148 110 30 8
975 It was a Trump rally 1.3108 0.03872 222 166 43 13
976 I'm tellin' ya... I'm about to crack. 1.3108 0.04968 148 113 24 11
977 It wasn't the fall. It was the hooves. 1.3105 0.04178 190 142 37 11
978 Then one of the Kings men said, 'Let the horses handle it.'" 1.3103 0.04289 203 156 31 16
979 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men and not a bloody paramedic among them. 1.3103 0.04115 203 153 37 13
980 Sure, anything but eggnog will do... 1.3100 0.03739 229 170 47 12
981 They didn’t call us the dirty dozen for nothing. 1.3096 0.04138 197 148 37 12
982 The horses were no better. 1.3096 0.03946 197 145 42 9
983 I told 'em the phrase is 'break a leg,' but did they listen? Nooo! 1.3087 0.04113 230 178 31 20
984 My doctor says it’s an inner ear thing... 1.3080 0.03790 224 167 45 12
985 Leave the bottle on the bar, I need to get fried. 1.3080 0.03894 224 169 41 14
986 Anything other than a wallbanger 1.3080 0.04143 224 174 31 19
987 The wall wasn't the problem. It was the ICE agents below. 1.3080 0.04143 224 174 31 19
988 My eleven brothers and sisters weren’t quite so lucky. 1.3080 0.03790 224 167 45 12
989 I’m going to need a straw... 1.3077 0.03967 195 144 42 9
990 The horses trying to help just made it worse. 1.3073 0.04141 192 144 37 11
991 Do you have a steadier stool? 1.3073 0.04074 192 143 39 10
992 The worst part was when the horses tried to help. 1.3073 0.04334 192 147 31 14
993 I’ll just need a little pick-me-up to put me back together again. 1.3067 0.04380 163 121 34 8
994 Sure, it was a nice gesture, but I think all the king's horses may have made things worse. 1.3065 0.04089 186 138 39 9
995 I fell off the wall, not the wagon. 1.3063 0.04017 222 170 36 16
996 I tell you, Joe, it was all I could do to hold myself together." 1.3063 0.03700 222 164 48 10
997 This place is vegan, right? 1.3063 0.03809 222 166 44 12
998 I had a great fall, but it’s been a terrible summer. 1.3063 0.04068 222 171 34 17
999 ...and all the kings horses only made matters worse! 1.3063 0.03862 222 167 42 13
1000 Thank God it was just a bar stool, Jimmy. 1.3063 0.03473 222 160 56 6
1001 If the King's horses call, I'm not here. 1.3063 0.03809 222 166 44 12
1002 Day Trader on Wall Street ... it was my dream job. 1.3063 0.03700 222 164 48 10
1003 Make it a double, I might as well fall off the wagon too. 1.3063 0.03809 222 166 44 12
1004 They put me together again, but it’ll cost me an arm and a leg. 1.3063 0.04068 222 171 34 17
1005 I feel like hell in an Easter basket. 1.3063 0.03914 222 168 40 14
1006 It was a mess. About a dozen of us were just sitting on a wall. But when a fight started, the rest of them dumped me and scrambled. 1.3063 0.04117 222 172 32 18
1007 Just don't let me get pickled. 1.3063 0.03588 222 162 52 8
1008 Well, I lost a little albumen, but my yolk's still intact. 1.3062 0.04433 160 119 33 8
1009 You never think it’ll be you when making that omelette analogy 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1010 Humpday...was a bitch! 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1011 I told the cop I was reaching for my wallet! 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1012 Horrible breakup. Now we're walking on eggshells around each other. 1.3059 0.04106 219 169 33 17
1013 Boy, was I beaten! 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
1014 She Humpty dumped me, man 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
1015 Make it a stiff one. My heads feeling a bit scrambled. 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
1016 i’m just a shell of who i used to be 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
1017 2020 has been rough so far, but I'm holding out for a great fall. 1.3059 0.04207 219 171 29 19
1018 I’m celebrating - I just met my deductible. 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1019 The thing is, there was never a wall... 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1020 Just a little something to get me over the hump. 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1021 I had a great Spring and Summer. So I anticipated a great Fall. But this is ridiculous! 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1022 Just trying to put myself back together again. 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1023 I’m a shell of the man I once was. 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
1024 And I'm also falling off the wagon. 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1025 I've recently suffered a bad break up. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
1026 Some kid just rolled me in the park! 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
1027 Might as well fall off the wagon while I'm at it. 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1028 Hey,I fell off the wall,not the wagon. 1.3059 0.04157 219 170 31 18
1029 I was doing fine up there till I asked some Mexicans to pay for it 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1030 Yeah? Well I'm telling you it wasn't such a great fall. 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1031 On the house...We were told you couldn't be put back together again. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
1032 Chick trouble? 1.3059 0.03732 219 162 47 10
1033 What do you recommend for a splitting headache? 1.3059 0.04157 219 170 31 18
1034 So l came in late and she said “this will crack you up”. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
1035 Do you have a shorter stool? 1.3059 0.03732 219 162 47 10
1036 Spring and Summer were fabulous. I wasn’t expecting such a great fall. 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1037 How? Sittin’ on a wall. For a woman, of course. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1038 That wall is a disgrace. 1.3057 0.04056 193 144 39 10
1039 Make it a double. I just proved the second law of thermodynamics. 1.3053 0.04029 190 141 40 9
1040 To be blunt, the king's horses were about as useful as udders on a baseball. 1.3053 0.04231 190 144 34 12
1041 Great fall? Trump said it was a "perfect" fall. 1.3052 0.04134 213 164 33 16
1042 Who knew it was THAT wall? 1.3052 0.03970 213 161 39 13
1043 Let's see if the Kings Whiskey can put me back together again 1.3048 0.04140 187 140 37 10
1044 Personally, I’m against making falls great again. 1.3045 0.03718 220 163 47 10
1045 if Mrs. Dumpty calls, tell her im not here.. 1.3045 0.03828 220 165 43 12
1046 Then I told her I am more of a free-range egg. 1.3045 0.03828 220 165 43 12
1047 'life ain't all that's it cracked up to be'! 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1048 Fall off the wagon again, Humpty? 1.3041 0.03971 217 165 38 14
1049 My last therapist said that people fall apart all the time and that I should stop looking for sympathy. 1.3041 0.04129 217 168 32 17
1050 Darn vegans. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
1051 Belin '89, now that was a fall! 1.3041 0.04025 217 166 36 15
1052 My mom got mad 'cause I said I came first! 1.3041 0.04077 217 167 34 16
1053 Who the hell is Humpty guy people keep mistaking me for? 1.3041 0.03693 217 160 48 9
1054 I don’t get it. I just asked for egg drop soup. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
1055 Hey, I'm an egg. People just beat us up all the time. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
1056 I’d love to know who had the bright idea to send all the king’s horses! 1.3041 0.03231 217 165 43 9
1057 All the kings horses and all the kings men ain’t worth a shit! 1.3041 0.04181 217 169 30 18
1058 Make it a double. I’ve hit the wall. 1.3041 0.03807 217 162 44 11
1059 Pour me something that doesn’t make me so tipsy this time. 1.3041 0.04025 217 166 36 15
1060 I still don't know why they thought horses were gonna be any help. 1.3032 0.03981 188 139 41 8
1061 Turns out all the king's horses have qualified immunity 1.3029 0.04087 208 159 35 14
1062 My Wife didn’t want to get back together again either 1.3028 0.03621 218 160 50 8
1063 That’s what I get for sitting on the fence! 1.3023 0.03652 215 158 49 8
1064 White fragility. Make it a double. 1.3023 0.04153 215 167 31 17
1065 That chicken sure got upset when I said I got here first 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1066 Don't worry, I fell off the wall not the wagon. 1.3023 0.03769 215 160 45 10
1067 I’m sorry but we don’t serve eggs 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1068 Make it a double. I've been walking on eggshells all week. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1069 Can you believe it, I call 911 and they send horses and kings men! 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1070 Don't give me your "in order to make an omelet" crap. 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1071 Build the wall," they said. "It'll be beautiful," they said 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1072 I can't. Doc says I have to go on the wagon if I want to stay on the wall. 1.3023 0.03769 215 160 45 10
1073 ...not only could they NOT put me together again, but they were "out of network" so my bill is $30,000! 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1074 Let’s see if I can hold my liquor 1.3023 0.03711 215 159 47 9
1075 It could have been so much worse, but I'm hard-boiled now. 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1076 I think it's time we talk about defunding the king's men. 1.3023 0.03854 215 163 38 13
1077 How did I know I was supposed to wear a mask? 1.3023 0.03993 215 164 37 14
1078 Turns out the waiver I signed at the President's rally is quite broad. 1.3023 0.04205 215 168 29 18
1079 Fall off the wagon again, Mr. Dumpty? 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1080 Have you ever had a run-in with a frying pan? 1.3023 0.04307 215 170 25 20
1081 She took 'free range' to a whole new level 1.3023 0.04100 215 166 33 16
1082 I was coming down a ramp, it was wet, and with leather soles, I slipped. 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1083 If my summer is anything like my spring, I won't have a great fall. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1084 Never ask a chick if you got laid with her. 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1085 Too soon for me to ask you if you want it on the rocks? 1.3023 0.04100 215 165 33 16
1086 My insurance company says I'm out of luck because of a pre-egg-sisting condition 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1087 I'm going to get pickled. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1088 I may be a little cracked, but I shall ova-come." 1.3023 0.03769 215 160 45 10
1089 And that's when all the king's horses trampled me. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1090 I am just glad my insurance covered real doctors, because the King's men couldn't put me back together any better than their horses could. 1.3017 0.04256 179 135 34 10
1091 Do you have any shorter bar stools? 1.3011 0.04146 186 140 36 10
1092 Not in a tumbler, please. 1.3007 0.04645 153 116 28 9
1093 I’d still be in pieces, if the king’s women hadn’t arrived. 1.3005 0.04123 213 165 32 16
1094 Just pour the drink, and hold the wisecracks. 1.3005 0.04069 213 164 34 15
1095 First, Egg Beaters took my job. Now this. 1.3005 0.03902 213 161 40 12
1096 My shrink says I need a thicker skin. 1.3005 0.03668 213 157 48 8
1097 Lucky for me, I don't have a neck 1.3005 0.03902 213 161 40 12
1098 And I still don't know which one of us came first. 1.3005 0.03668 213 157 48 8
1099 My health plan? All the King's Horses and All the King's Men. Why do you ask? 1.3005 0.04014 213 163 36 14
1100 Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool He was a good egg but drank like a fool The barkeep kept warning, whenever he spoke That Humpty's next fall would be the end of his yoke 1.3005 0.04177 213 166 30 17
1101 Okay, one more, but if you fall off that stool again I’m cutting you off. 1.3005 0.03845 213 160 42 11
1102 Walls are controversial these days. 1.3005 0.04014 213 163 36 14
1103 Yup... All the king's men...I did not see that coming! 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1104 Ran into Henny at Central Park - all I said was I think that I came first. 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1105 It’s hard being a brown egg in America 1.3000 0.03881 210 158 41 11
1106 And then she took me break dancing 1.3000 0.04053 210 161 35 14
1107 I can use one, I'm falling to pieces. 1.3000 0.04164 210 163 31 16
1108 Well, I guess I’m not the guy I thought I was cracked up to be. 1.3000 0.03996 210 160 37 13
1109 No no not on the rocks!! 1.3000 0.03822 210 157 43 10
1110 ...all the King’s horses, all the King’s men and my entire deductible. 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
1111 Just between us, it wasn't that great. 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1112 Turns out all the king's horses and all the king's men weren't on my provider list. 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1113 I said I fell off the wall, not the wagon 1.3000 0.03822 210 157 43 10
1114 I mean, sure, COVID-19 and police brutality are bad and all; but am I the only one still worried about this whole ‘Wall’ thing? 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
1115 Who's Dumpty? I said Humpty dumped me. 1.3000 0.03881 210 158 41 11
1116 Who came up with the idea of an Easter Egg roll, anyway? And make it a double. 1.3000 0.03822 210 157 43 10
1117 I can’t stay on the wall or on the wagon. 1.3000 0.03700 210 155 47 8
1118 Would you believe the ER admitted the chicken before me? 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1119 So I says to the guy, "You want a piece o' me?" 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1120 Just sitting on a wall, minding my own business and then BAM! 2020 comes out of nowhere. 1.2993 0.04961 147 114 22 11
1121 Who knew vegans could be so violent. 1.2990 0.04344 194 151 28 15
1122 All I said was 'all lives matter. 1.2986 0.04092 211 163 33 15
1123 I was fine until all the horses showed up 1.2981 0.03960 208 158 38 12
1124 You sure you don’t want to sit at a booth? 1.2981 0.04132 208 161 32 15
1125 I’m still not sure why they called the horses. 1.2981 0.03841 208 156 42 10
1126 Everyone else gets a stunt double. But nooo, Humpty Dumpty has to be 'authentic'. Jeez. 1.2981 0.03901 208 157 40 11
1127 If you think doctors charge a lot, you have no idea how much it costs to see a horse. 1.2981 0.04018 208 159 36 13
1128 I wanna buy a round for all the king's men. They did their best. 1.2981 0.03780 208 155 44 9
1129 Then ok, ok, says I, the chicken did come first. 1.2981 0.03960 208 158 38 12
1130 I got tired of them saying I came second. 1.2981 0.03901 208 157 40 11
1131 The men were fine but don't get me started on the horses. 1.2981 0.03718 208 154 46 8
1132 No, I would not like a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2981 0.03841 208 156 42 10
1133 I know I came first. But that chicken came at me faster. 1.2967 0.03765 209 156 44 9
1134 Humpty, you fell off the wall because you’re a fucking alcoholic. 1.2961 0.04212 206 161 29 16
1135 : I'm cracking up but no one's laughing. 1.2961 0.04040 206 158 35 13
1136 And then he said, “we will reopen by Easter, and it will be beautiful.” 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1137 I’m finding it harder and harder to maintain my white fragility 1.2961 0.03799 206 154 43 9
1138 As falls go, it wasn't great. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1139 Not only that, but Mexico isn’t even going to pay for it 1.2961 0.04099 206 159 33 14
1140 I was sitting there, and someone yelled “scramble”! 1.2961 0.04040 206 158 35 13
1141 It was open-mic night at the Hen House, and it was a really tough audience. 1.2961 0.03704 206 155 42 9
1142 Wall? No. This time it was Egg Beaters.® 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1143 Oh, Danny, easy pour. I don't want to get tipsy. 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1144 And your only bar food is a hard-boiled what.....? 1.2961 0.04212 206 161 29 16
1145 They say it was a great fall, so that's something. 1.2961 0.03672 206 152 47 7
1146 Whose idea was it to build all these walls? 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1147 Well, I've hit bottom. 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1148 I said, Over easy! 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1149 All the King’s vodka and all the king’s gin, might actually put me back together again. 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1150 Yeah, turned out the king's women were able to get me back together. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1151 I need a drink, I am really cracking up over all this self isolation 1.2961 0.04156 206 160 31 15
1152 Nothing top-shelf, and nothing on the rocks. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1153 You think we’d have learned after Humpty. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1154 Better leave the bottle. All the king's men will be along soon. 1.2961 0.04099 206 159 33 14
1155 Fell off the wall, might as well fall off the wagon. 1.2961 0.03736 206 153 45 8
1156 And, please, spare me the 'off-the-wall' comments!" 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1157 Truth Is, I was pushed. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1158 Obviously, Trump didn't want me sitting on his "beautiful" wall! 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1159 His bio said he was a chief,turns out it was a typo. He's a chef and it quickly went downhill from there 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1160 They thought I was a statue. 1.2961 0.04099 206 159 33 14
1161 I don't care what it says in the papers, all the king's horses and all the king's men were NOT trying to put me back together. 1.2961 0.03736 206 153 45 8
1162 The king's horses and men just made it worse! 1.2961 0.04090 179 134 37 8
1163 I got over, but it wasn’t easy. 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1164 The fall -was- great. The landing, not so much. 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1165 Carton accident. 1.2956 0.04020 203 154 36 12
1166 At that price it better put me back together again. 1.2956 0.03897 203 153 40 10
1167 Turns out, getting laid wasn't all its cracked up to be! 1.2956 0.04198 203 158 30 15
1168 'Just a drop.' 1.2956 0.03834 203 152 42 9
1169 You should see the edge of the bowl! 1.2956 0.03834 203 152 42 9
1170 Yep, fell off the wagon again. 1.2956 0.03897 203 153 40 10
1171 I had to fight him...he called me a chicken. 1.2956 0.04020 203 155 36 12
1172 I've had my last Wallbanger. 1.2956 0.03834 203 152 42 9
1173 I'll have a Harvey. Hold the Wallbanger. 1.2956 0.04020 203 155 36 12
1174 Of course, I'm cracking up! Nobody in here is wearing a mask. 1.2956 0.04313 203 160 26 17
1175 There wasn't any room at the hospital so here I am. I guess the MAGA hat wasn't a good choice for at least 2 reasons. 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1176 I know when I'm beaten! 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1177 Can you believe they sent the cavalry and army instead of EMT's. I'm lucky I survived! 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1178 My brain is scrambled. Better make it a double. 1.2956 0.04140 203 157 32 14
1179 Big, beautiful wall" my eye! It nearly killed me 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1180 What's going on? I smell bacon frying. 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1181 No. Her rooster found out. 1.2950 0.03804 200 149 43 8
1182 I told you.. I fell off the wall, not the wagon. 1.2941 0.03818 204 153 42 9
1183 Shaken, not scrambled. 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
1184 All I said was “Egg Lives Matter!’ 1.2935 0.04042 201 154 35 12
1185 Listen bud, one more fall and I'm going to have to cut you off. 1.2935 0.03853 201 151 41 9
1186 No place to sit on that new Trump wall 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
1187 Great Fall - rotten Spring. How about you? 1.2935 0.04223 201 156 29 15
1188 The King's men were all very helpful, but then one of the damn horses stepped on me! 1.2935 0.04156 184 140 34 10
1189 All the king's horses and all the king's men aren't covered by Medicare anymore. 1.2931 0.04466 174 135 27 12
1190 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men can go f*** themselves! 1.2921 0.04393 178 138 28 12
1191 And if you look at the King himself, it's not surprising that none of his men have a medical background. 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 41 9
1192 I can’t take anymore of this quarantine baking, Jim 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1193 Spring was bad, summer was worse. I’m telling you, I’m not expecting a great fall. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1194 I’ve been sober for two years, but today I cracked. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1195 Doc says it’s called white fragility 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1196 I kept telling her it’s not gonna be over easy. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1197 Must be a tough time to be an academic. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1198 Seriously, whose idea was it to build a wall in the first place? 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1199 It’s tough to be a ‘good egg’. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1200 My memoir, A Million Little Pieces, is actually nonfiction...sadly I live it every day... 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1201 Turns out building the wall is much tougher then sitting on it. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1202 Make it a single. I can’t get falling-down drunk anytime soon. 1.2915 0.03807 199 149 42 8
1203 Skip the toast. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1204 I finally left her yesterday. She said we could patch things up, but I'm sick and tired of being henpecked. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1205 All the king’s bourbon and all the king’s gin Couldn’t put Humpty together again 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1206 It’s my toughest role, playing the Constitution in Bill Barr’s Department of Justice Burlesque. 1.2915 0.04366 199 158 24 17
1207 Do you mind switching to a booth? You’re kind of a liability up there. 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1208 It was only a small crack until all the horses showed up. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1209 No, I don't need the King's horses or his men. What I need is a stiff drink and an Uber. 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1210 There were a dozen of them... 1.2915 0.03873 199 150 40 9
1211 So they brought in the King's horses - -all of them, mind you. How, exactly, were they supposed to help me? 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1212 I've had some great falls, but this has to be my favourite dive. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1213 I thought I was one of the good eggs. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1214 The King's horses in particular lacked any kind of medical training. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1215 I knew things were looking bad when they asked the horses to help. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1216 And if things weren’t bad enough, there were these freakin’ horses... 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1217 It's the co-pays that really hurt. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1218 Give me a double shot of anything that doesn't rhyme with protest or pandemic. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1219 ...so, I said 'all eggs matter" and the next thing I know I'm getting the yolk beaten out of me. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1220 It's gonna take more than a Screwdriver to put me back together again. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1221 Then the king himself got involved, and suddenly it was all about how beautiful the wall was. 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1222 If I hadn't been completely pickled at the time, things would have been a lot worse. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1223 I already fell off the wall, I don't want to fall off the wagon too. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1224 Make it a triple, I've got a splitting headache 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1225 And then they started shouting, Tear Down this Wall! 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1226 Shaken, not scrambled, please. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1227 Truth is — it was all the king's women who put me together again. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1228 Sam, if this day gets any worse, I'm diving head first into the nearest skillet. 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1229 This day didn't go eggs-actly as planned. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1230 You think this is bad? The other guy is an omelette. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1231 It's tough being a stunt man on The Dirty Dozen. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1232 It was a split decision, but they gave it to the chicken. 1.2915 0.03807 199 149 42 8
1233 Maybe this time I should have that at a table. 1.2915 0.03530 199 145 50 4
1234 Make it a stiff one, Bob. I just got dumped really bad. 1.2914 0.03976 175 130 39 6
1235 That looks great but maybe this time I’ll move to a booth. 1.2905 0.04722 148 114 25 9
1236 All the king's horses did more harm than good. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1237 So I said to her, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs and she loses it. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1238 The king's horses didn't really seem to be trying. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1239 Think you could get any shorter stools? 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1240 It's just not the same working from home, you know? 1.2897 0.04786 145 112 24 9
1241 Make it a stiff one. The kind that makes my whites stand up straight. 1.2897 0.04476 145 109 30 6
1242 Long story short, the King's horses weren’t board-certified. 1.2897 0.04685 145 111 26 8
1243 The king's horses were pretty useless. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1244 I better not, I'm expecting. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1245 Here you go, 2020. This one’s on the house. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1246 Just once I'd love to have a mediocre fall 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1247 They told me to sit on the wall. I didn’t know I was taking the fall. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1248 Hey man I know I’m just a bartender but you should probably stop sitting on walls it’s the third time this week 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1249 Horses? 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1250 I checked out Trump’s Wall. 1.2893 0.04333 197 156 25 16
1251 Looks like the wagon isn’t the only thing you fell off today 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1252 ... and then the doctor told me my insurance considers shell repair elective. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1253 It’s on the King’s tab. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1254 Days like today make me wonder if there really is a sunny side. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1255 Bartender, hit me again. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1256 My therapist says I need to put myself together again, but I just can’t do it 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1257 Not too much; I’m leaky. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1258 If you think this looks bad, you should see what they did to the statue. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1259 I thought he was a sexy whisk. Turns out he was an egg beater. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1260 I wasn't looking for any trouble, but they just kept egging me on. 1.2893 0.03617 197 150 39 8
1261 Over easy is a lot harder than it sounds 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1262 So...where's your mask? 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1263 You should see the other eleven guys. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1264 Well, that wall wasn't a great idea, either. 1.2893 0.04273 197 155 27 15
1265 All I know is, I never fell like that when Obama was President. 1.2893 0.04273 197 155 27 15
1266 I'm really feeling shell shocked today. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1267 All the King's Bourbon and all the King's Gin 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1268 Make it stiff, I was almost deviled. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1269 It was a fight with a chicken over who came first. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1270 This marriage, Johnny.  It's turning me into the shell of a man I used to be. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1271 Might as well face it. I'll never be well-rounded. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1272 I'm an introvert", I said, "deal with it". I don't need to "come out of my shell", ok 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1273 You and the chicken will never settle that argument. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1274 He said his name was Trumpy Dumpy and I was sitting on His wall 1.2893 0.04333 197 156 25 16
1275 The other guy yelled Dumpty Trumpty and then started hitting me." 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1276 I was trying to get out of America. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1277 This one's on the house. You look like you took a beating. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1278 No mask and gloves? What are you trying to do to me? 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1279 I told her she cracks me up. No time for our safe word. 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1280 First Trump got elected .... 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1281 Fuck Easter.. keep pouring! 1.2893 0.04333 197 156 25 16
1282 They said I'd be a chicken if I didn't sit on that wall. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1283 Give me a beer with a gorilla glue chaser - make it a triple 1.2893 0.04273 197 155 27 15
1284 I knew I should not have had that Harvey Wallbanger! 1.2893 0.03688 197 146 45 6
1285 I had a great fall but winter was pretty rough. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1286 Humpty Dumpty was my uncle, why do you ask? 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1287 So, I'm sitting on a wall like I always do, when this border guard asks me, 'are you a Mexican egg or an American egg?' I said, 'What difference does it make?' Make that a double. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 36 10
1288 No, I didn’t slip off the wall, but was pushed. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1289 Listen, Chaz, be a bit more liberal on that pour, will ya? I have another peaceful protest to get to... 1.2893 0.04393 197 157 23 17
1290 Ya know, Lou, being a white egg isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1291 Can't a guy suggest that people wear masks at the border wall celebration without being assaulted? 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1292 Keep ‘em coming until I’m pickled. 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1293 And now I'm going to fall off the wagon. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1294 I was poached on top of the wall, when all the sudden I got a little scrambled, fell over easy, and landed feeling pretty fried. So yeah, I could use a drink. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1295 You gotta be hard-boiled in this town. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1296 All the King's horses and all the King's men can't put sh- together again . .. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1297 The POTUS said the wall would keep us safe! 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1298 I'm so tired of breaking up and getting back together again. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1299 I just need a pick-me-up. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1300 Rough night!! She thought I was hard boiled but I told her I was a softy inside. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1301 King's horses... King's men... and a Wall... Need I say more/ 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1302 Honestly, it was just an average fall. There was nothing great about it. 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1303 That settled it, the chicken was first. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1304 When they said a fall on Wall Street was coming, I didn’t take it literally 1.2887 0.03721 194 144 44 6
1305 Are you sure that can put me back together? The king's men already tried. 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1306 The king's men got furloughed, and this is the best the horses could do. 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1307 Why the horses? 1.2887 0.04064 194 149 34 11
1308 Horses! Who sends horses to mend a broken egg? 1.2887 0.04129 194 150 32 12
1309 Did I mention the King's horses? 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1310 So I said to the King, how about trying doctors and nurses? 1.2887 0.03792 194 145 42 7
1311 I’m so sick of hearing that: the horses didn’t even try to help. 1.2887 0.04256 194 152 28 14
1312 Turns out, all the king's horses and all the king's men were kind of useless at a simple patch up job 1.2881 0.04251 177 135 31 10
1313 I want to toast all the King's women who put me back together again. 1.2881 0.04400 177 138 27 12
1314 I should have left the nest before my mother started gaining weight 1.2881 0.04472 177 139 25 13
1315 I’m sure this will change the OSHA rules at the Wall... 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1316 Got anything for an Eggache? 1.2877 0.04856 146 114 22 10
1317 So I told her, “I ain’t your nest egg, lady.” 1.2874 0.04376 174 135 28 11
1318 Who knew "All Eggs Matter" would be so controversial? 1.2874 0.04299 174 134 30 10
1319 Your sign is backwards 1.2865 0.04268 171 131 31 9
1320 OK, but you're headed for another fall! 1.2865 0.04282 192 151 27 14
1321 It's 2020. Pour a double. 1.2865 0.04153 192 149 31 12
1322 You might be safer sitting in a BOOTH. 1.2857 0.04265 161 122 32 7
1323 First it was my cholesterol, and now this. 1.2857 0.04922 147 116 20 11
1324 Don't believe everything you hear, they could in fact put me back together again. 1.2850 0.03648 193 143 45 5
1325 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall—off the wagon. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1326 yeah but actually, joe, the proper term for it these days is PTSD. 1.2850 0.03794 193 145 41 7
1327 Eggstentialism 1.2850 0.04068 193 149 33 11
1328 Jet ski accident. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1329 Anything, Harvey, except a Wallbanger. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1330 I literally fell on hard times. 1.2850 0.03794 193 145 41 7
1331 I'm done with free range, make it a double and call me pickled. 1.2850 0.04262 193 152 27 14
1332 Nog, hold the egg. 1.2850 0.04325 193 153 25 15
1333 Trump just HAD to build that damned wall, and I just couldn't resist... 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1334 So, I tell this chicken, “Hey, lady, I got here first. Get in line.”...and the argument escalated from there. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1335 Political activism not all it's cracked up to be! 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1336 But the pants did make her look like a pear 1.2850 0.03864 193 146 39 8
1337 I fell off again. 1.2850 0.03864 193 146 39 8
1338 Unfortunately, the brown egg did a whole lot worse 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1339 Her opinion is the chicken comes first. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1340 You're a good friend. You never cared about my brown shell. 1.2850 0.04001 193 148 35 10
1341 Long live the Queen! The king's men were useless. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1342 I just feel like a shell of my old self. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1343 I can readily see your wife is an eggbeater. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1344 To tell the truth, I didn't want to be put back together" 1.2842 0.03972 190 145 36 9
1345 And then the horses tried to help put me back together again. Those hooves! Those HOOVES! I have nightmares over that. 1.2842 0.04243 190 149 28 13
1346 I was protesting and some “pro-wall” guys beat me. 1.2842 0.03829 190 143 40 7
1347 If I'm being honest, spring and summer haven't been great either. 1.2842 0.04177 190 148 30 12
1348 Sorry buddy, we don't serve scrambled eggs 1.2842 0.04041 190 146 34 10
1349 I was just holding a sign in front of the White House! 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1350 Why would they push me? I’m a good egg! 1.2842 0.03972 190 145 36 9
1351 You should see the chicken. 1.2834 0.04083 187 144 33 10
1352 I tried to explain that I’m Humpty-Dumpty, not Trumpty-Dumpty! 1.2834 0.04012 187 143 35 9
1353 If anything the horses just made matters worse 1.2834 0.03791 187 140 41 6
1354 ‘...so there I was, at my favorite spot, on my favorite wall, er, stop me if I told you this story ...’ 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1355 so if my wife calls, Moe, I fell off a wall right? 1.2834 0.04289 187 147 27 13
1356 All these falls and I still haven't met my deductible. 1.2834 0.04012 187 142 35 9
1357 Saying "all eggs matter" is more controversial than it used to be. 1.2834 0.04153 187 145 31 11
1358 They thought I was a monument... 1.2834 0.04289 187 147 27 13
1359 I tell ya, I don’t think I can do another day on Wall Street. 1.2834 0.04153 187 145 31 11
1360 I can't help but feel like a shell of my former self. 1.2834 0.04289 187 147 27 13
1361 Mistakes? I made a few. But then again, too few to mention. 1.2834 0.04153 187 145 31 11
1362 And another thing, WHO names there kid Humpty! 1.2834 0.04221 187 146 29 12
1363 I just can't get myself together. 1.2834 0.04083 187 144 33 10
1364 Every time I see a wall I think, this time it will be different. 1.2834 0.03866 187 141 39 7
1365 Sure, but the horses were no help at all. 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1366 Make it double, most of it slips through my cracks. 1.2834 0.04221 187 146 29 12
1367 Straight up. Please not shaken, stirred or scrambled.... 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1368 The worst part was when the horses started biting” 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
1369 Take it from me pal: sometimes you gotta make the chicken come first 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1370 I fell off a bar stool. 1.2828 0.04663 145 112 25 8
1371 The horses weren't helpful at all. 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
1372 It was going pretty good until the King’s horses got involved. 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1373 So glad you're open, the hospital was full. 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1374 I’m telling you, it’s like the king’s men didn’t even TRY. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1375 The King's men did a fine job -- the horses were no help at all. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1376 Now that you mention it, my spring wasn’t great either! 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1377 The horses and men were too busy writing tell-all books about the king 1.2811 0.04315 185 146 26 13
1378 Word of advice Mack, never let horses put you back together again. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1379 Why did they bring ALL the horses? 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1380 Can I please get a stool with a back? 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1381 Wait! That’s the reason I fell of the wall in the first place. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1382 The last thing I remember is telling that chicken "I came first" 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1383 I swear I felt somebody push me 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1384 And let me tell you, it was not great at all! 1.2811 0.04315 185 146 26 13
1385 That’s just a fairytale. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1386 All I can say is that I'm lucky I was hard boiled! 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1387 The king's horses did this to me, but I think his men are going to try to spin the story. 1.2811 0.03809 185 139 40 6
1388 Trump needed the wall for a photo op 1.2811 0.04247 185 145 28 12
1389 I don’t know why they thought horses would help. 1.2811 0.03809 185 138 40 6
1390 Easy on this one Joe. That last one sent me over the wall. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1391 This stool is giving me a little déjà vu. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1392 The King’s horses and the King’s men are vastly overrated. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1393 Oh, why not? All the king's horses and all the king's men didn't help. 1.2811 0.03960 185 141 36 8
1394 And then the King outsourced putting me back together to the lowest bidder.... 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1395 I'm afraid my salad days are over. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1396 It was the King's men, not the fall. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1397 It was a mediocre summer but a great fall, sorry bad yolk. 1.2811 0.04383 185 147 24 14
1398 The rest of the carton didn’t make it. 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1399 Being someone’s fall guy is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1400 Well, you see, I was sitting on this wall, and I had a great fall...all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put me together again, but they gave me CPR and stabilized all the vital organs, and told me to get wasted. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1401 Turns out it took all the king's women to put me back together again 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1402 It was a good fall. Not a great one. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1403 First they came for the bacon . . . 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1404 This stool can’t be more than, what, thirty inches? 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1405 Well, the King's Horses were in-network. 1.2811 0.03960 185 141 36 8
1406 And then all these horses show up! 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1407 It was three guys in IHOP hats. 1.2811 0.04247 185 145 28 12
1408 I am definitely against the wall. 1.2807 0.03640 171 125 44 2
1409 And I kept saying to the horses You don’t even have opposable thumbs! 1.2804 0.04249 189 149 27 13
1410 You wouldn't expect so many horses to know first aid. 1.2804 0.04045 189 146 33 10
1411 I was warned that denial and deflection wouldn’t work. 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
1412 Letting the horses try first certainly didn’t help the situation 1.2796 0.03942 186 142 36 8
1413 I know, but you should see the other eleven. 1.2796 0.03867 186 141 38 7
1414 You ever call a cop a good egg? 1.2796 0.04086 186 144 32 10
1415 One shot and a band aid. 1.2794 0.04861 136 106 22 8
1416 How could I wear a mask if I don’t have ears?! 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
1417 Did I mention I had a friend in fourth grade who was black? 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
1418 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put me together again. Lets’s see how Jack, Johnny, Jim and Jameson can do. 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1419 Then all the king's men ganged up on me. 1.2787 0.04129 183 142 31 10
1420 Humpty...I told you, avoid Trump and his wall. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1421 You think YOU’RE fractured? Welcome to America, friend. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1422 Well, I had a great spring. 1.2787 0.03905 183 139 37 7
1423 So, have you ever considered just "not" sitting on the wall? 1.2787 0.03827 183 138 39 6
1424 I had to play hard-boiled. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1425 Sitting on a wall is a young man’s game... 1.2787 0.04272 183 144 27 12
1426 Just one, I’m feeling a bit scrambled. 1.2787 0.03827 183 138 39 6
1427 I guess you go to be hard boiled to live in New York City. 1.2787 0.04201 183 143 29 11
1428 Well, me and my buddy, Trumpty Dumpty, we wuz workin' on this incredible, amazing wall when--we had a great fall... 1.2787 0.04342 183 145 25 13
1429 It wasn't the fall. The police rescued me. 1.2787 0.04545 183 148 19 16
1430 Make it a double, after the accident it just feels like everyone around me is walking on eggshells... 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1431 Being Humpty Dumpty isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1432 I don't know what happened. Just put me back together, Bob. 1.2787 0.03667 183 141 35 7
1433 Off the wall and off the wagon. 1.2787 0.03905 183 139 37 7
1434 Twenty years on Wall Street, you‘d think I’d see the fall coming. 1.2787 0.04129 183 141 31 10
1435 Just need a little pick-me-up 1.2787 0.04272 183 144 27 12
1436 I'm really beat. 1.2787 0.03905 183 139 37 7
1437 Make it a double. Don't worry, I never fell off a bar stool. 1.2786 0.04653 140 108 25 7
1438 Que huevada 1.2778 0.04461 180 144 22 14
1439 Scrambled, not stirred. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1440 Whatever. It’s still a magnificent wall. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1441 I'm telling you, privatized healthcare is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1442 She broke me Al 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1443 I don’t know about all the men, but I don’t think any of the horses were board certified. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1444 Been a rough year, but I'm still holding out for a great fall. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1445 I need a belt? . 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1446 No, I don’t have a mask. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1447 People keep blaming the fall but my therapist says it’s much deeper. 1.2778 0.03783 180 135 40 5
1448 I should have checked if All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men accepted my insurance. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1449 Why did he think sending the horses to put me back together would be a good idea? 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1450 Yeah, I had a great fall, but the winter was terrible. 1.2778 0.04391 180 143 24 13
1451 Most people dread Monday's,I dread Frydays. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1452 I think I'm beginning to come out of my shell. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1453 I need somethin' strong enough to put me back together again. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1454 I'm just not ready to look at the sunny side. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1455 Turns out life is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1456 Put it on Humpty's tab. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1457 I may be cracked but I am not broken. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1458 Actually, it was the king's horses that did most of the damage. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1459 I’ve tried and tried, but I just can’t get that chick out of my head. 1.2778 0.04391 180 143 24 13
1460 Well, I wouldn’t say it was a great fall... 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1461 Well, I had a great Spring, and I had a great Summer... 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1462 You're not alone. I've seen dozens of you today. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1463 Im trying to get over my crack addiction 1.2778 0.04319 180 142 26 12
1464 I fell off my bike. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1465 Apparently not all of the King's Men can take a yolk. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1466 And will Mexico pay for this drink too? 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1467 The chicken won. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1468 You should have seen the wall. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1469 Historical reenactment. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1470 Told me I was yellow inside, and he'd prove it. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1471 Truth be told, I was on the fence about going back to work. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1472 I fell off the wagon this time. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1473 I used to be an Easter egg. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1474 So then he says to me, ‘Well, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs’. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1475 Summer's been rough, but I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1476 Man, I just went out to get laid.“ 1.2778 0.03824 180 143 27 10
1477 And I was trying to get INTO Mexico. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1478 Maybe I should have worn a mask. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1479 It’s amazing you’re still asymptomatic. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1480 It’s been downhill ever since I took the fall for him. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1481 The Humpty Dance is harder than it looks. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1482 I guess the yolk's on me for egging that big guy on. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1483 I was fresh. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1484 I am in no mood to crack a joke 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1485 Fall off that wall again?” “No, the ramp was very slippery. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1486 I've never witnessed such a competitive Easter Egg hunt. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1487 They kept saying ALL EGGS MATTER! 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1488 Yes I fell, but no, my name is not Humpty. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1489 Insurance would only reimburse some of the king's horses. 1.2778 0.04461 180 144 22 14
1490 I stupidly called out "ALL eggs matter. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1491 Horses! The idiot thought his horses could patch me up! 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1492 I could have done with this pick-me-up earlier 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1493 All the king's men and all the king's horses......and not one doctor? 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1494 Tough break, kid 1.2774 0.04345 155 119 29 7
1495 And to top it off, I still don't know my HDL from my LDL. 1.2771 0.04491 166 131 24 11
1496 There are 2 r's in Barr. 1.2771 0.04409 166 130 26 10
1497 All I said was, 'Eggs Matter, too.' 1.2762 0.04153 181 141 30 10
1498 And then she said she felt like she was walking on eggshells 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1499 You should see the guy who got beaten and poached. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1500 Yeah, well, I got a millions likes on TikTok. 1.2753 0.04346 178 141 25 12
1501 They say it’s “white fragility” 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 32 8
1502 I hate brunch 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1503 Domest-egg Violence 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1504 I want to get back together. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1505 I mean it's 2020, folks have gotta stop walking on eggshells. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1506 I'm was so embarrassed...my only consolation is that in 10 years no one will remember my name. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1507 Then he slugged me when I called him an Egghead. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1508 I'm telling you, those horses did a lousy job. 1.2753 0.03883 178 135 37 6
1509 So it turns out I'm not as hard boiled as I thought. 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1510 As it turns out, the yoke was on me! 1.2753 0.04490 178 143 21 14
1511 Yeh,I'm together again,no thanks to the King,his horses,or his men. 1.2753 0.03716 178 133 41 4
1512 This chick is going to be the end of me. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1513 That Trump rally wasn't all it was cracked up to be! 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1514 No more cracks, thank you 1.2753 0.03716 178 133 41 4
1515 All in all, I wish they hadn’t been able. 1.2753 0.04004 178 139 30 9
1516 Straight up - I've been on the rocks all morning. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1517 I'm re-opening everything tonight, barkeep, so keep it coming 1.2753 0.04346 178 141 25 12
1518 I have sworn off Harvey Wallbangers for good. 1.2753 0.04272 178 140 27 11
1519 No, it wasn't just a wall. It was Wall Street. 1.2753 0.04198 178 139 29 10
1520 The horses only made it worse. 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1521 Horses really don't help. 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
1522 I only asked if he served eggs 1.2745 0.04373 153 118 28 7
1523 It's getting bad. Now I'm falling off the wagon. 1.2745 0.04373 153 118 28 7
1524 Don't ask...its a long rhyme 1.2733 0.04624 150 118 23 9
1525 They said I was with the Huevos Rancheros cartel and pushed me off the wall. 1.2727 0.04222 176 138 28 10
1526 Summer has been pretty rough, but I'm still hoping for a great fall. 1.2727 0.04298 176 139 26 11
1527 It all began with that damn Chicken! 1.2727 0.04066 176 136 32 8
1528 ....and Believe me, The King's Horses were No Help At All." 1.2727 0.04045 154 116 34 4
1529 Autumn was great. But the fall... 1.2722 0.04547 158 125 23 10
1530 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wagon. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1531 I’m trying to look at things sunny side up, but I’ll tell ya...it’s not over easy 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1532 More bridges. Less walls. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1533 I stood up told him I wasn't a chicken... 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1534 Turns out, I wasn’t all I was cracked up to be. 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1535 When the dish ran away with the spoon...yeah, I thought THAT was bad. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1536 Could you get me a shorter chair? 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1537 At least with all the sports starting back up, it’s shaping up to be a great fall... I crack myself up... ha! I did it again. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1538 So the fennel says to the celery, ‘She’s mixing us up.’ Imagine that, a talking vegetable. 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1539 It just doesn’t make sense to let horses perform that kind of procedure, know what I mean? 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1540 You really crack me up, Joe. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1541 I’ll tell you Joe, being an egg is not what it’s cracked up to be 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1542 And then the soda jerk says, that’s how I make an egg cream. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1543 Sometimes I wish they didn’t put me back together. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1544 I tell ya, man. I’d take all the King’s horses over this healthcare system. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1545 My wife left me calling me a crackhead, can you believe that... 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1546 all I said that all egg whites matter. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1547 I don’t know why they didn’t call the king’s women the first time around. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1548 Make it a double pal, I feel like I’m cracking up! 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1549 You know, sometimes life can be hard-boiled and you feel scrambled inside, but I say just take it over easy and see the sunny side up. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1550 And maybe a side of Elmer's. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1551 I think it is about time you get a stunt double. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1552 Make a it a double, I need to get pickled 1.2717 0.04190 173 134 29 9
1553 Beat the egg,” he says 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1554 Not sure if I can hold my liquor right now 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1555 It was the worse lay ever. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1556 My wife has been driving me up the wall. 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1557 The king's horses and the king's men? Maybe someone should have called the king's doctor. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1558 Worse yet, I had to pay for His Wall. 1.2717 0.03855 173 131 37 5
1559 “You’re right, it was a good fall. It just wasn’t a great one.” 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1560 Let's just say I live life a little too much on the edge. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1561 I keep tellin' ya, it was a verrry slippery wall. You wouldn't believe the ice on that wall. Soooo slippery. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1562 And that's not all... then came the HORSES! 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1563 Finally they called the king's physician, and here I am! 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1564 None of the king's horses or king's men could put me together again. But there was this one wonderful nurse. . . . 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1565 Make it a double! It‘s been a shell of a day! 1.2717 0.04573 173 140 19 14
1566 The job description said, 'must not crack under pressure,' but I didn't take it literally. 1.2717 0.04109 173 133 31 8
1567 I fell off the wagon, and then off the wall. 1.2717 0.03855 173 131 37 5
1568 That's the last time I fall off the wagon! 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1569 And one for the wall. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1570 Something to make me whole again, please. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1571 It was one of the king's horses, I swear! 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1572 It was NOT a great fall ... 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1573 I had a run in with Egg Beaters. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1574 And most people don't realize that every time they say that horrid nursery rhyme... 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1575 Yes. I AM sure I don't want a Harvey Wallbanger! 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1576 This is the best that all the King's horses and all the King's men could do...Better make that a double, please! 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1577 The other guy? What a yokel. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1578 I'm beat. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1579 This Humpty Dumpty gig is a lot tougher than I imagined.... 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1580 If you must know, it was all the king’s horses. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1581 Actually, I fell off a bar stool. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1582 Feeling a bit scrambled today. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1583 The horses just stood there! No opposable thumbs! 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1584 And don't even get me started about the king's horses. 1.2717 0.03855 173 131 37 5
1585 My mother puts so much pressure on me. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1586 The rooster found us in bed and realized it was the chicken AND the egg. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1587 A dozen of us walked into a bar... 1.2717 0.04190 173 134 29 9
1588 Don't tell anybody I fell off a bar-stool. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1589 This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail. It was like this really, really, really steep ice skating rink. Brutal. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1590 Horses? Men? Forget that holistic New Age stuff. I need a drink. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1591 Guy couldn't take a yolk. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1592 No, this is still from the fall of 2016. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1593 Are you serious! Where’s your mask! 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1594 I awoke with my sunny side up. But the clock said 8 and I said “Oh no, omelette for work!” When I arrived, my secretary quiched me hard and shouted "Fritatas!". By the end of the day, I was fried. Now I'm raw, cracked, and a shell of my former self. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1595 I feel like a Harvey Wallbanger 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1596 Another three minutes and I would have been on toast. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1597 They warn you about walls, but never stress fractures. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1598 Quite honestly, I think the horses did more harm than good. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1599 What do you have for a splitting headache? 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1600 I don't know, she just doesn't crack me up like she used to... 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1601 Over easy, will ya? I'm already cracked. I don't need to get fried. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1602 But the worst part was all those crazy horses and men. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1603 If I hear one more 'fell off the wagon' joke... 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 28 9
1604 No, I was his third national Security Advisor. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1605 All the king's horses and all the king's men. That's who! 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1606 Sure falling off the wagon hurt. But it was a walk in the park after that wall. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1607 I wasn't expecting today's vegan protests to turn so ugly. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1608 I feel so light-headed since the chicken got out. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1609 Have one with me, Joe. I'm drinking to 11 friends who weren't so lucky. 1.2717 0.03767 173 130 39 4
1610 Vegans are pretty militant these days huh? 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1611 I got beat up at a BLM rally by some brown eggs because of my white shell. I told them we are all yellow in the middle. 1.2717 0.04109 173 133 31 8
1612 I didn't know the wall wasn't finished 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1613 It was freaky Sam, I was just sitting on this wall..... 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1614 Crossing the road isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1615 Scrambled, not shaken. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1616 Anything, as long as it's not on the rocks. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1617 I'm not as hard-boiled as I'm cracked up to be. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1618 Not only that, but now I have to buy a round for all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1619 Seriously, Tim, how did you get this gin fizz so frothy? 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1620 I’m not one to complain, but this barstool is uneven.” 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1621 Nobody believes that I was pushed. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1622 Turns out all the king’s horses and men were just major donors. 1.2715 0.04500 151 118 25 8
1623 It was going well until they brought in the horses 1.2715 0.04401 151 117 27 7
1624 By any chance was I in here yesterday? 1.2715 0.04299 151 116 29 6
1625 I’ll take an egg cream, hold the egg 1.2701 0.04325 174 138 25 11
1626 Love's not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2701 0.03964 174 136 30 8
1627 That was one rough carton. 1.2701 0.04476 174 140 21 13
1628 An where were all the King's men when I needed them? 1.2701 0.04401 174 139 23 12
1629 I could only do 11 steps. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
1630 I thought this time would be different. 1.2680 0.04544 153 121 23 9
1631 Does it look like Coronavirus?! 1.2671 0.04269 146 112 29 5
1632 I hate to say it, but horses make terrible surgeons." 1.2671 0.04157 146 111 31 4
1633 Imagine, what will the bird be like. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
1634 Make it a double. Hospital kicked me out 'cause insurance called this a pre-existing condition. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
1635 Let all the King’s horses buy their own drinks this time. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
1636 I tried to end egg white supremacy with peaceful protest 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1637 Broke doesn’t even begin to cover it, Harold. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1638 Really not looking forward to next fall 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1639 She told me I didn’t belong here so I said to the chicken “I was here first”! 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1640 I never get laid. The chicken wants to come first, but I crack under the pressure. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1641 Make American Fragile Again -Trumpty Dumbty 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1642 and then they said it’ll be OVER EASY... 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1643 I might be fragile, but I’m not broken. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1644 They said they could have done more if the King’s horses hadn’t intervened 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1645 ...The first wall didn't kill me, but I'm afraid this new border wall will be the end of me 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1646 Oh no I’ll be fine joe I’m just having a 2020 kinda day 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1647 Great for whom exactly? 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1648 It’s all been downhill since Humpty dumped me... 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1649 rough day at work huh? 1.2663 0.04559 169 137 19 13
1650 I was supposed to be sunny side up, not beaten. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1651 The fall, the king's men, the king's horses. Then all I could get was a virtual doctor visit. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1652 ..so I'm sitting on the wall with the Queen.. 1.2663 0.03982 169 130 33 6
1653 What do you recommend for an Egg’sistential Crisis? 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1654 Mr. Dumpty was my dad. Call me Humpty. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1655 I didn't go Ova Easy. 1.2663 0.04559 169 137 19 13
1656 First the wall, now the wagon. This is not my week. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1657 The doctor says I'm suffering from shell shock. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1658 I guess I shouldn't have egged him on. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1659 She called me fragile, Jim. She said emotionally, but I know she was talking about my shell. 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1660 The last thing I remember is hearing someone say “omelet”. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1661 Never get medical attention from the King's horses!" 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1662 Where's the restroom? That's going to go right through me. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1663 Yeah, the damn horses were completely useless, but all the King’s men actually did put me back together again—sort of—and the booze at least numbs the pain. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1664 So then this humongous chicken comes in and says, "I was here first.' 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1665 It seemed like such a good place to isolate. 1.2663 0.03707 169 127 39 3
1666 At least they didn't teargas me. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1667 But I”m not drinking to the King, his horses or his men. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1668 Straight please..I've already been on the rocks today 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1669 They said there would be a wall but all I found was angry people in red hats. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1670 Ever have one of those days when you just can’t get it together? 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1671 I’m gonna call you The Catapulter, if you can get me back up there with these couple of pops, pal.” 1.2663 0.04481 169 136 21 12
1672 So that was my day, how are the wife and kids? 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1673 Someone told a funny joke that cracked me up. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1674 I better not...I have a habit of losing my balance. 1.2663 0.03707 169 127 39 3
1675 He said I egged him on. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1676 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn’t do it. Let’s try scotch. 1.2663 0.04481 169 136 21 12
1677 I DID have a great fall. Winter and spring, don't ask. 1.2663 0.03611 169 131 33 5
1678 Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a great fall at all. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1679 I've had a rough day. Please don't tell me you don't serve eggs here! 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1680 And then I said "Who are you calling an egghead"? 1.2663 0.04481 169 136 21 12
1681 I'm tired of taking the fall 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1682 People are saying that no one has ever seen anything like it. They said, "Sir, it was the GREATEST fall of all time. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1683 They messed up, but I had to take the fall. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1684 I guess that big beautiful wall wasn't such a good idea after all. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1685 And who do you think crossed first? 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1686 I was just sitting on the border wall minding my own business. When they told me to come down, I said I would not as I was Humpty Dumpty. The rest is history. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1687 No! Not the eggnog! 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1688 I’m telling ya, what really hurts is that silly rhyme some joker made up. Still wakes me up at night. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1689 It's so hard maintaining such a hard-boiled demeanour... I guess I just cracked under the pressure. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1690 I still don't get what was so great about it. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1691 Put a round for all the king's horses and all the king's men on my tab 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1692 All I could hear were all the kings men yelling "Omlet"!!! 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1693 I've been reading White Fragility, and I gotta say, it's really resonating. 1.2663 0.03892 169 133 27 8
1694 No one really thinks through what “Defund the King’s Horsemen!” means until it’s too late. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1695 You can bet I'm not falling for that 'Build the Wall' line again this November. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1696 You know, I was never really together in the first place. 1.2663 0.03801 169 128 37 4
1697 I know what the rhyme says, but they tried anyway. 1.2663 0.03982 169 130 33 6
1698 I didn’t know it was Trump’s wall 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1699 I feel like a grade A idiot. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1700 Just don't pour me anything on the rocks! 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1701 That Goose dame made it look like a fall. She'll do anything for a good rhyme! 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1702 I walked into a bar. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1703 You should see the other guy-he's got egg all over his face. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1704 How to hell was I supposed to know that it was Trump's goddamned wall! 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1705 My mind is a little scrambled but otherwise, I am ok. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1706 They should defund all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1707 And the horses always make it worse ... 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1708 Wall, wagon, whatever. I'm falling off of everything today. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1709 Turns out that all King's men were out-of-network 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1710 It wasn't easy but I was here first, long before the chicken 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1711 I'm on my break. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1712 Why do you think I had a great fall to begin with? 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1713 It was a tough day on Wall Street. . . 1.2662 0.04517 154 122 23 9
1714 When the cops showed up, the chicken was already gone. 1.2657 0.04205 143 109 30 4
1715 Let’s just say, some of the King’s men wanted me scrambled. 1.2657 0.04543 143 112 24 7
1716 So then all the king's horses and all the king's men said 'eh, good enough for government work. 1.2654 0.04271 162 127 27 8
1717 Today I was the breaking news. 1.2654 0.04181 162 126 29 7
1718 I answered "the egg" but the chicken disagreed. 1.2654 0.04088 162 125 31 6
1719 Robert Frost said it best: "Something there is that doesn't love a wall." 1.2654 0.04360 162 128 25 9
1720 No, make it neat 1.2653 0.04561 147 116 23 8
1721 I got let go. 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
1722 I don’t get it they were very fine people on both sides. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1723 I wouldn’t say is was a “great” fall. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 33 5
1724 No yoke...better make that a double ... 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1725 I didn’t know it was ‘the wall’, he just kept going on about how great it was, ‘a great, great wall’, meanwhile I’m lying there in pieces. 1.2651 0.04615 166 135 18 13
1726 Take it from me, constitutional monarchy as a form of government is finished. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1727 My memories of last night are mostly scrambled. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1728 ‘Free Range’ isn’t without its temptations Bill 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1729 Make it a double. It’s been a rough 3 years. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1730 The King's men put me together but it was President's men who pushed me off in the first place 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1731 Getting pickled is all I have left! 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1732 I just need a break... 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1733 It’s about time all the king’s bartenders got some credit. 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1734 To add insult to injury, this guy on TV keeps bragging about building the wall. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1735 Listen,I know all about white fragility. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1736 Fred, did I ever tell you, you crack me up! 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1737 Damn, white privilege is a bitch. 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1738 Martini, scrambled, not stirred. 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1739 I nearly dyed. 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1740 Great fall? Fake News! I was pushed. 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1741 First I fell off the wall, then I fell off the wagon. 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1742 Oh, I don't know, Glen. I just feel like I can't get the pieces back together again. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1743 I'd rather be a loner than come out of my shell! 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1744 The Dumpty part of my name just came true! 1.2651 0.03838 166 126 36 4
1745 Make that whiskey and cream with a grinding of nutmeg. I’ll do the rest 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1746 I keep tellin’ ya Moe, I’ll pay ya when I’m not broke 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1747 The King's horses spooked and trampled me, and his men left me to pick up the pieces. 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1748 And don’t get me started on the king’s horses. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1749 One of these days Joe, they’re not gonna be able to do it. 1.2651 0.03978 166 130 29 7
1750 All I said was “I came first!” 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1751 You gotta be careful what you say these days. You know what I mean? It’s like waking on eggshells. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1752 I wasn't drunk, I was pushed! 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1753 It's not always a happy ending, ya know? 1.2651 0.03741 166 130 30 6
1754 My day was not over easy. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1755 Put me together again, Sam. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1756 You're sure this'll put me together again? 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1757 I wish those horses had never found that UTube video on how to put me back together. 1.2651 0.04615 166 135 18 13
1758 ...and then I told that cop walking on a public sidewalk wasn’t a crime. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1759 I had to fight. They said beneath my hard outer shell, I was really just a chicken. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1760 I swear, Tommy, you make one 'white fragility' crack and I'm drinking elsewhere. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1761 A Harvey Wallbanger... a little on the nose isn't it? 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1762 Maybe it’s just me, but every day is beginning to feel like ‘hump day’. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1763 If I'd been here instead of the wall, it probably wouldn't have happened 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1764 The horses were fine but all the king’s men were disbanded in 2018. 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1765 No alcohol for me, I'm fertile. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1766 You are looking a little fragile today, Mr. H 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1767 Humpty Dumpty sits on a stool in great disrepair as he awaits alcohol to assuage his despair but the drink may cause him to lose his balance and fall to the floor in shattered silence 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1768 I need that drink before I totally crack up 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1769 I’ll have it shaken, not scrambled. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1770 Things aren’t cracked up to what they use to be. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1771 I prefer with ice, not “on the rocks” 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1772 So then I said to him, "Yeah, I'm one tough egg to crack..." 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1773 Actually, it was a haughty spirit that came first. 1.2651 0.04495 166 136 17 13
1774 All theKings horses and all the Kings men and not one lousy MASH unit ! 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1775 Hump me dump me 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1776 No thanks, I'm done with anything top-shelf for a while. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1777 I don't know what's so "great" about it. 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1778 My therapist says it’s a repetition compulsion. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
1779 I swear I’m not fertilized 1.2647 0.04299 170 135 25 10
1780 Sigh. I thought I was hard-boiled. 1.2639 0.04621 144 114 22 8
1781 Turns out, she wasn’t THAT into ovaphilia 1.2635 0.04179 167 131 28 8
1782 Dirty Dozen? Why 1.2624 0.04461 141 110 25 6
1783 Just another girl who said I look nothing like my Tinder pic. 1.2624 0.04346 141 109 27 5
1784 Who sends horses to mend an egg? 1.2621 0.04797 145 117 18 10
1785 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men were in Tulsa. 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1786 On the rocks ? 1.2617 0.04301 149 115 27 6
1787 The king’s horses were absolutely NO help! 1.2606 0.04082 142 108 31 3
1788 First all the king's horses tried. 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
1789 Who asked them to put me back together? 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
1790 I think it was one of the horses. 1.2603 0.04243 146 113 28 5
1791 It was the wall again 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1792 I hope nobody writes a song about this. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1793 I gotta tell you, the fall, not so great. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1794 That yolk isn’t funny anymore. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1795 Not today, Bill, I got too smashed last night 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1796 I used to be a nest egg, and look what they did to me 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1797 There I was, just sitting on a wall watching the protest when, out of nowhere, a rubber bullet knocks me right off. Now I can’t seem to put myself back together again. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1798 Do I look like a bocce ball to you? 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1799 Actually, the fall itself wasn't that bad; ... but then, what with all the king's horses and king's men trampling all over everything; ... And the media, ...Oh God, ... the media; ... you can just imagine how they're going to play all this, ... 1.2593 0.04597 162 132 18 12
1800 You probably heard that I'm suing all the king's horses. 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1801 Why, yes, it was a rough day on Wall Street. 1.2593 0.04513 162 131 20 11
1802 Sam I Am got laid off today. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1803 Fell off the wall again, eh? 1.2593 0.04513 162 131 20 11
1804 He just wouldn't stop egging me on. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1805 I could really use a pick-me-up. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1806 I guess so...I've already fallen off of one wagon today. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1807 I just got dumped. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1808 As should be obvious even to you, old friend, I was rolled. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1809 You'll have to start a tab, I'm broke! 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1810 I'm a shell of my former self. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1811 Make it a double, I have to pull myself together. 1.2593 0.04513 162 131 20 11
1812 And I didn't wear a mask, either. 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1813 Gimme a double. I got another kid's show at 4. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1814 So I said...No...the Egg came first! 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1815 Bumper cars are not a good first date. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1816 When did they stop putting sawdust on the floor? 1.2583 0.04552 151 121 21 9
1817 Got a splitting egg-ache 1.2579 0.03911 159 122 33 4
1818 2020, am I right? 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1819 I don’t know whether I should drink it or douse myself with it 1.2579 0.04739 159 131 15 13
1820 It's crazy out there man...everyone's tryin' to bake. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1821 Let me tell you, life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1822 Hit me again, Barkeep. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1823 Turns out that hooves aren't well suited for delicate surgical procedures. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1824 You work in hospitality too? This one’s on the house 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1825 I got dumped. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1826 As it turns out America was not that great again 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1827 Same old story 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1828 Yeah, she dumped me. 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1829 Then someone shouted: "omlette!" 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1830 Fortunately, all the King's horses were in network so I was just out the co-pay. 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1831 Hope you have another bottle. It’s been a pretty rough day for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men too. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1832 I know I told her 7 minutes. 1.2579 0.03911 159 122 33 4
1833 I drank HOW MANY tequilas last night??? 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1834 Yep, I fell off the wall again and it looks like I'm gonna fall off the wagon, too! 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1835 I mean the King's horses didn't even have hands! Like hello, right? 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1836 I need a drink to unscramble my head 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1837 And I can also put my toothpaste back into the tube. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1838 Anything fruity with painkillers. And make it a double. 1.2579 0.04568 159 129 19 11
1839 I said, "I'm really a good egg, but he still cracked me." 1.2579 0.04568 159 129 19 11
1840 I sense a bad yolk here. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1841 I'd really prefer a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2579 0.04391 159 126 22 9
1842 She kept pecking and pecking screaming ," Who came first? Who came first?" Total "Twilight Zone". 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1843 It’s a good thing you’re hard boiled 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1844 Those darn poachers nearly killed me 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1845 All I said was "Boiled lives matter," and I'M the bad guy. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1846 Believe me, this was no harmless shell game! 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1847 So, this egg walks into a bar... 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1848 All the King's horses, my ass! Doesn't that idiot realize horses don't have fingers or opposable thumbs? How the heck could THEY possibly put me back together? 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1849 They did some research. Turns out that horses are not that effective in putting Humpty together again. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1850 They told me I lost a lot of yolk. 1.2579 0.03911 159 122 33 4
1851 Just the nog. 1.2579 0.04568 159 129 19 11
1852 Just a single - wifey hates pickled eggs. 1.2577 0.04402 163 131 22 10
1853 Tough breakup? 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1854 What's good for a splitting headache? 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1855 Are you sure Reagan is dead? 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1856 Trump's wall wasn't so tall. 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1857 Those paramedic horses the king sent are incompetent. 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1858 The king's men were a help, but what genius proposed those horses 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1859 Yes, I'm obviously in recovery, and that's why I want the booze. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1860 I tell ya, that chiropractor is getting a 1-star review 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1861 Yeah man, she's into some kinky stuff. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1862 I knew something was wrong when the king sent those stupid horses to put me together again. 1.2569 0.04489 144 114 23 7
1863 Another nursery rye, please. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1864 And it's only Monday 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1865 Let be the first to tell you. This so called wall is far from perfect. 1.2563 0.04182 160 126 27 7
1866 ...and then they said the fall was worse than the push. 1.2563 0.04543 160 130 19 11
1867 This isn't an omlette bar, is it? 1.2563 0.04628 160 131 17 12
1868 I understand I’m young and a bit naive but I really thought they were being sincere when they said All lives matter 1.2561 0.04292 164 131 24 9
1869 The horses made it worse, honestly 1.2555 0.04520 137 108 23 6
1870 All I said was, “All eggs have the same nutritional value...” 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
1871 The kings men wanted a Covid test first... 1.2555 0.04637 137 109 21 7
1872 The men were doing OK - it was the horses that botched things up. 1.2555 0.04520 137 108 23 6
1873 No man. I was pushed by the f**king cops. 1.2553 0.04318 141 110 26 5
1874 Hit me as hard as you can. 1.2552 0.04567 145 116 21 8
1875 None of the King's horses, but the Queen's horse, Elmer...he got the job done. 1.2552 0.04353 145 114 25 6
1876 It's Mr. Dumpty to you Pal. 1.2552 0.04461 145 115 23 7
1877 Hard day huh 1.2548 0.04687 157 129 16 12
1878 When they said “great fall” I honestly thought they meant autumn. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1879 You say the statue of the king riding his horse fell on you? 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1880 Turns out the king's horses are not particularly good at egg reconstruction. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1881 Double nog, hold the egg. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1882 Actually my name’s Mike 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1883 ‘Don’t mention the wall!’ 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1884 You know that one where an egg walks into a bar? Always cracks me up. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1885 One round for all the Kings’ Men! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1886 Whisked, not stirred 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1887 Melania finally snapped! 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1888 As you can see, I’ve been grievously injured, but I’ve opted to go to a drinking establishment instead of a hospital. Also I am an egg. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1889 And then I said ‘can this year get any worse ?’ 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1890 Make it a double...actually, just leave the bottle. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1891 Another one can’t hurt. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1892 First the wall, now the wagon ... 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1893 So this guy says to me, “Make like an egg and beat it!” 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1894 The ramp was steep 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1895 I don’t know why all the king’s HORSES had to help... 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1896 This would have turned out better if the current king actually paid his contractors. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1897 ...and then there was this ramp... 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1898 This is what you get for finishing first 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1899 All the King’s horses and all the king’s men refused to put me back together because I don’t have health insurance 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1900 I kinda doubt Mexico’s gonna pay for these medical bills. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1901 Sheez...This time ‘All the king’s men’ had tasers and tear gas 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1902 I had a great fall, actually, it was March when things started going downhill. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1903 If I hadn't taken a dip in the hot tub I'd be a goner. 1.2548 0.03824 157 125 26 6
1904 And I said “YOU hate walking on eggshells?” 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1905 Don't believe a word they say! It's never a great fall. Look at this body... 1.2548 0.04774 157 130 14 13
1906 - You really look like you’re falling apart my friend. This one’s on the house. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1907 Humpty Trumpty fell off his wall. Humpty Trumpty will have a bad Fall. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1908 One minute I’m holding a general’s hand and the next I’m in pieces at the bottom of the ramp. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1909 No, not on the rocks please! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1910 I can use a pick-me-up. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1911 It was a ramp this time. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1912 You know what puts me back together again, Charlie. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1913 I’m just saying, Obamacare worked better for me than the royal health plan. I’m not even sure the King’s men and horses had even basic medical training. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1914 No, it wasn't great at all. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1915 What I need is all the king's gin. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1916 I'm cracking Joe, but they can't beat me. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1917 It was a good joke, Tom. I just can't crack up anymore. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1918 Honestly, I just need to get laid. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1919 All the horses and men were just standing around. I guess eventually someone called 911. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1920 The bodycams tell the real story. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1921 No more Joe! I finally figured out why I keep falling off the wall! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1922 You should see the bacon. 1.2548 0.04858 157 131 12 14
1923 Make it a double and put it on The King's tab. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1924 Anything except a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1925 The fall was bad. This spring was worse... 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1926 Make it a double. I have a splitting head-egg. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1927 Why do they make these bar stools so damn high? 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1928 Hopefully, this stool is sturdier than that wall. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1929 No eggnog, thanks. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1930 A jigger of your finest spackling paste my good man! 1.2548 0.04325 157 124 24 8
1931 Humpty told me this could be my big break. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1932 Anyway, had a great Fall. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1933 On the rocks?! Are you sure that’s a good idea? 1.2548 0.04774 157 130 14 13
1934 I may not look it, but i'm totally fried. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1935 Can you put me together a gin? 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1936 You look like I could use a drink 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1937 Make it a double-my boss doesn't believe in coddling. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1938 Then all the king's men beat the crap out of me. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1939 That was NOT a great fall... 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1940 Things were easier when I was young and coddled. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1941 Wall ... Street. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1942 I'm okay. Just a bit shell-shocked. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1943 Thank goodness I was hardboiled! 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1944 I’m all done with wall-sitting 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1945 I don’t know how many more times I can keep picking up all the pieces. 1.2548 0.03715 157 119 36 2
1946 No, no, Scotch TAPE 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1947 Don't ask me why he let the Horses try first! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1948 Some days you come in first, other days the chicken comes in first. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1949 It's awfully hard to have King's horses and men putting me back together during social distancing. 1.2548 0.03981 157 123 27 6
1950 What's my story? I sat on a wall, and I had a great fall, yada, yada, yada, ... " 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1951 The king's men all said it was a hoax. The horses did what they could. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1952 Make it a double. I'm having an egg-istential crisis today. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1953 I had a great fall, but man this summer is kicking my ass. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1954 Yeah, the King's men did all right, but I could've done without the horses. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1955 I fell off the wall trying to do socially distanacing. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1956 No thanks. I've already had one too many Harvey Wallbangers today. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1957 She told me she liked her eggs beaten, so I went to a Trump rally. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1958 And then he told me I didn't have a visa and pushed me right over! 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1959 Being on a wall ain’t all it’s cracked up to be! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1960 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men didn’t help. Thought I’d try hair of the dog. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1961 Humpty Trumpty fell off his Wall. 1.2548 0.04687 157 129 16 12
1962 Yeah? Well trust me, fame’s not all it’s cracked up to be! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1963 Most people think of me as hard-boiled. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1964 I'm just glad I'm hard-boiled. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1965 And for what? CAKE? 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1966 It was a massive scramble, the free-range guys cracked first 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1967 My summer was great, but then I had an awful fall. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1968 My lawyer says I have a strong suit against all the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1969 All I said was, do you really need another donut? 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1970 I did it to myself, Sam, with all my bigger, better, taller wall talk. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1971 Trumpty Dumpty rented a hall Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall Pranked by TikTokers Punked by K-Poppers He was not amused His ego got bruised 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1972 It wasn't a wall. It was the wagon. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1973 All the King's horses and all the King's men didn't work. Maybe a Wallbanger will do the trick. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1974 So we are in an open bar in New York and you think that a talking egg that’s been beaten in sureal? 1.2548 0.04774 157 130 14 13
1975 This is my first drink in eleven years. I fell of the wall. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1976 All the King's horses just laughed. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1977 I was sitting there minding my own business, but he just kept egging me on. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1978 The guy just wouldn't stop egging me on. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1979 That’s the problem. The cops can’t tell the good eggs from the bad ones. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1980 Forget the horses and the men. Where were all the King’s surgeons? 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1981 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men don’t take Medicare. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1982 'Just one day in that Oval Office . . ." 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1983 How about a shot of happily ever after? 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1984 Would have been a mess if I wasn't so hard boiled. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1985 Thanks Hank. This is the only place that puts me back together anymore. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1986 I was first in line until some chicken came along. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1987 After the spring and summer we've had so far, we can only hope to have a great fall 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1988 It was indeed a great fall 1.2535 0.04406 142 112 24 6
1989 The horses were only trying to help. 1.2535 0.04173 142 110 28 4
1990 I know all the king's horses meant well. 1.2535 0.04291 142 110 26 5
1991 All I did was sneeze! 1.2532 0.03969 154 119 31 4
1992 Sir, I'm going to need you to put on a mask. 1.2532 0.03969 154 119 31 4
1993 If I can’t stay on the wall, why the hell stay on the wagon? 1.2532 0.04566 154 125 19 10
1994 Horses! Have you ever heard of a horse that put anything back together? I knew that was it for me right there. 1.2532 0.03861 154 118 33 3
1995 So I’m thinking this next stimulus check will actually put me back together again 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
1996 I think I really scrambled my brain. 1.2532 0.04376 154 123 23 8
1997 Oh, you're American? I don't think I can put you back together again. 1.2532 0.04566 154 125 19 10
1998 I was just sitting up there on the wall minding my own Humpty business, when out of the blue the Chicken starts yelling at me about who got there first... Then WHAM!!! - next thing I know, I'm kissing the sidewalk. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
1999 Is this what they mean by white fragility? 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
2000 It's time to call Henny Penny 1.2532 0.04566 154 125 19 10
2001 I guess I didn't know what to expect from a peaceful protest in front of the White House. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
2002 On the other hand, cage fighting is everything it's cracked up to be." 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
2003 Look at me. Can you imagine if I wasn't hard-boiled? 1.2532 0.04660 158 130 16 12
2004 Hence the term egg beater. 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
2005 Yeah, spring has been terrible, but I had a great fall. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2006 Tell me that's not a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2532 0.04484 158 128 20 10
2007 Sheesh. All I said was I wanted to SIT on their wall. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2008 Fall? Nah, I jumped. Hey, they were egging me on. 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
2009 Well, you see there was this wall. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2010 And then the veterinarian clamped on the forceps and yelled, “Push!” 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
2011 All the kings horses and all the kings men, and I still can’t get a decent drink around here 1.2518 0.04343 139 109 25 5
2012 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men regard this as a “pre-existing condition.” 1.2518 0.04343 139 109 25 5
2013 only in new york, baby. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2014 Thanks for listening Bill, I’m just worried about if the GOP cares about my health when I’m no longer just an egg” 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2015 only one tonight, Steve. Otherwise i’ll be bouncing off the walls again 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2016 It was peaceful until all the king’s men started using tear gas. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2017 Another tough day on the wall? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2018 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall. Humpty Dumpty has a high ball. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2019 I can’t believe they egged you on like that, buddy. This ones on the house. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2020 2020 walks into a bar 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2021 Being an egghead isn’t all it’s cracked up to be 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2022 Don’t egg me on 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2023 So now whenever I hear about Trump wanting to build that wall it just makes my yolk sizzle. 1.2500 0.04873 152 127 12 13
2024 Not sure why they thought all the King’s horses would be of any help... 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2025 How’s your day been? 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2026 My mother abandoned me again 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2027 Apparently it was some sort of photo op! 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2028 And to top it all off, Trump said I'm ANTIFA. 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2029 And then the King’s horses got involved... 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2030 Oh well, you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2031 Who thought horses was a good idea? 1.2500 0.04217 132 102 27 3
2032 all the kings horses and all the kings men are still in quarantine 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2033 Worse than the wall--I fell off the wagon. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2034 The King canceled my health insurance. What are his horses supposed to do? 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2035 Never serve me another Wallbanger. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2036 I got beat up for poaching! 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2037 No thanks, Barkeep. I fall off this stool one more time and I'm done for. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2038 The wall was beautiful, tremendous. I probably should not have sat on it. 1.2500 0.04691 152 125 16 11
2039 Usually I'm a wallflower, but I became the hit of the party when it was time to make the eggnog. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2040 I'm not in the mood for any of your cracks today! 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2041 And then the King's Men gave it a shot, but by that time the horses had bungled the whole thing. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2042 To be honest, it wasn't a great fall. 1.2500 0.03877 152 117 32 3
2043 Only Trump would call it "a great fall." 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2044 My therapist says this is an easier way to come out of my shell. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2045 Wall Street had a great fall! 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2046 i didn't have health insurance so i unfortunately had to rely on all the king's horses and all the king's men.... 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2047 Looks like you fell off the wagon this time. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2048 Right now, I could use a little fix me up. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2049 Let's just call it a glass, not a tumbler...... 1.2500 0.04403 152 121 22 8
2050 "Now I know what you meant with 'stay off the beaten path' . 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2051 If you think this is bad, you should see my brother Benedict. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2052 Life is not what it cracked up to be 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2053 Build a wall! Build a wall!" they said. They don't have a clue what that means for some of us 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2054 You know I'm not really a bad egg. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2055 There’s plenty of room, they said. We’ll make it a baker’s dozen, they said. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2056 A little more humpty, a little less dumpty. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2057 Getting out of work was easy, Homeschooling 3 kids not so much. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2058 I wish they'd just stop throwing us at things, you know? 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2059 You know, I was fine until those horses tried to help. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2060 You got it wrong, Charlie. I didn't FALL! It was Trump's wall. The border guards got me. 1.2500 0.04691 152 125 16 11
2061 I feel like a shell of a man 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2062 I sat on the wall and had a great fall, on the Mexico side. All the state's horses and all the state's men put me back together again, for half the cost. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2063 I think I've hit the breaking point. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2064 I Was The Only One Who Survived The Fall, Out of The 12 of Us 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2065 I have no clue how I got up there! 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2066 Wall Street. I should have known. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2067 Hard day on the wall? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2068 King's Scotch puts, all of me, together again. 1.2500 0.04873 152 127 12 13
2069 Mmmmm. That should put me back together! 1.2500 0.03988 152 118 30 4
2070 Turns out, you're not allowed to sit on top of our southern boarder wall! 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2071 Actually I was fine until the King's horses arrived" 1.2500 0.03988 152 118 30 4
2072 It was a great Fall... but this Spring is what really beat me up. 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2073 It was just a scratch until all the king’s horses and all the king’s men showed up. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2074 Well, let’s just say that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are not what they’re cracked up to be. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2075 Humpty Dumpty made the "last call" 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2076 All the king's horses and all the king's men turned out to be out-of-network. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2077 2020 in an eggshell, leave the bottle please. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2078 So I say, "All the king's horses!? All the king's men!? I need a damn doctor!" 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2079 It wasn't so much the fall; it was all those horses trying to help. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2080 I've learned my eyes really are bigger than my stomach. 1.2500 0.04769 140 113 17 9
2081 Protein. Shaken, not stirred. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2082 ...and I had to put myself back together. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2083 The king's horses and king's men didn't help, but that nice girl Jill from the other nursery rhyme did, using vinegar and brown paper. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2084 I'm a shell of who I used to be." 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2085 I feel just a shell of my former self 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2086 I guess I wasn’t as hard boiled as I thought I was. 1.2500 0.03988 152 118 30 4
2087 Perhaps a booth would be safer? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2088 I’m not going to the King. It was his men and horses that did this to me. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2089 So I said to all the king's men, "would you please just call a doctor!" 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2090 If you're asking, life isn't all that it's cracked up to be. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2091 The King's horses are bad surgeons. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2092 I don't know what they didn't understand about over easy. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2093 Have you ever had a horse try and put you back together? 1.2500 0.03877 152 117 32 3
2094 In my HMO, it's more King's horses than King's men. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2095 So, then one of the king's men says, "Let's let the king's horses put him back together again." 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2096 I protested against the kings men 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2097 A raw egg as a hangover cure? What are you, some kind of animal? 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
2098 I really don't think I'm cut out to be a hard-boiled private eye. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
2099 But Trump said the wall was gonna keep us safe 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2100 This better not be one of those drinks with raw me in it. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2101 I’ve given up on all the king’s cronies putting me together. Pour me another. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2102 ... And then he called me a Karen! 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2103 I hear it’s always sunny-side up in Philadelphia. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2104 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Suggested that Humpty drink some tonic and gin 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2105 Then they tell me that in just a few years the procedure will have advanced enough where you could barely tell I’d been put back together at all. Like that’s good news to me. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2106 No really, I'm not yoking 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2107 Honestly Bob, I’m just shattered 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2108 i'll tell you, high schoolers nowadays are not ready to have babies 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2109 I’ve never had problems with barstools before. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2110 I keep telling them, just one of the Queen’s women would get the job done but here we are again” 🤷🏼‍♀ 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2111 It was supposed to be a photo-op, but now I’ve egg all over my face. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2112 Trump’s wall really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2113 Fell off the wagon again huh? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2114 So how long were you on trump’s staff? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2115 I just wonder if I’m maybe I’m not doing the exercises right in my at home workout videos 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2116 I see you've fallen off the wagon again 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2117 Sat on the wall again, didja? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2118 Shaken. Not cracked. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2119 Doesn't matter who paid for it, I never thought the wall was a good idea 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2120 Man, I really should have let the chicken go first. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2121 An egg walked into a bar 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2122 ‘Say no to walls!’ 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2123 One of the King’s men pushed me, but they left that out of their official report. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2124 I’ll take whatever you have, just not on the rocks. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2125 You know, this time I think I'm on the edge of a real breakthrough 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2126 It’s like nobody can take a yolk anymore. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2127 Here’s your Wallbanger, Harvey. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2128 Hey, at least they didn’t tear gas you 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2129 Well how would you define insanity then? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2130 Not so over easy. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2131 All the kings horses and all the kings men are social distancing 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2132 This time it was bad, no yolk 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2133 I even showed the officer my press credentials 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2134 No one told me I was an egg. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2135 Every time I’m here it feels like I’m falling apart 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2136 Trump got mad because I have a wall 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2137 Trumpty Dumpty built a wall, Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2138 No Sam…I don’t want to hear your funny yoke… 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2139 No I'm serious, not a single one 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2140 I was really hoping for a seat in a booth today 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2141 I wish I didn’t have King’s Horses and Men health insurance. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2142 Bruised but not beaten. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2143 Fortunately, I'm hard-boiled. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2144 So my attorney says sue the King's men for malpractice, they never shoulda let their horses get involved in the operation. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2145 The king’s horses and the king’s men were worthless. Thank heavens for the king’s public health professionals. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2146 So much for being their nest egg. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2147 I'm thinking, Wall Street's not the best neighborhood for me. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2148 It was only then that I realized I was in an all-day breakfast diner. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2149 Sure, he sends all his horses and all his men. But did he wonder for one second why I was on that wall to begin with? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2150 Before you say it, yes, the chicken came first again! 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2151 To be honest, I'm still a bit shellshocked. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2152 Gimme something to remind me of the sunny side... 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2153 Let me tell you about white fragility! 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2154 My wife caught me with this Free Range chick and beat the 'devil outta me' ! 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2155 Sorry Sir, we don't serve breakfast here. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2156 The doctor says I may have to be scrambled. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2157 Make it a double. When I fell off the wall, they tried to turn me into an omelet! 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2158 My analyst says it's an eggsitential crisis. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2159 Make it a double. I’m fried. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2160 Then one of the horses says it’s a pre-existing condition and everyone leaves. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2161 The question is: was it worth being put back together again? 1.2483 0.03973 149 118 26 5
2162 The wall isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.2483 0.04086 149 119 24 6
2163 I'm getting too old for parkour... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2164 My brain feels scrambled. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2165 They just came at me man, those omelette chefs cornered me. Leave the bottle. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2166 Wall? No sir, I fell off the wagon. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2167 Can you please make that fizz somewhere else? 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2168 Bad day? Tell me about it. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2169 But it’s like my father always said, if you’re going to fall, make it a GREAT fall... 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2170 My men called out "There's Humpty" and the marching crowd thought they said "Trumpty." 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2171 After they pushed me they all began cracking up. I got up and just started running. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2172 The police were everywhere...but at least I didn't get a yolk hold. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2173 Yep. I fell off the wagon. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2174 The guy thought I said "Humpty Trumpty." 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2175 I can't believe I voted form him and his wall. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2176 It's not so bad, they said. Their only throwing eggs, they said. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2177 I fell off the wagon, not a wall. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2178 Spring and summer have been rough, so I’m hoping for a great fall. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2179 Sure, we have to break some eggs to make an omelet, but why me? 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2180 Wall Street is killing me this year. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2181 It was the organic gang; they're tougher than they look 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2182 They put me back together this time. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2183 ...and the yolk was on me. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2184 I came first... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2185 So then she says I should just spend the night and have breakfast in the morning. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2186 The stunt double never showed up. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2187 Make it a double. Getting fried is starting to sounding good . 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2188 I said ..’And it really cracked me up’, and she said ‘prove it’. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2189 All the king's men were busy enforcing the curfew... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2190 Of course that's all you've heard--that's the story that's been endorsed by the King's horses and men. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2191 Apparently, it was climbable. 1.2483 0.03421 149 121 23 5
2192 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men beat the crap out of me. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2193 Compared to that, falling off the wagon doesn't seem so bad. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2194 It's not easy being an egghead in America. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2195 It is apparent that Humpty did not, in fact, have a great Fall. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2196 And, of course, the body camera "malfunctioned." 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2197 Was minding my own business sitting on top of a confederate statue, when all of a sudden........... 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2198 Do I look like someone who takes it "neat"? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2199 Don't ever think you need to be in the room where it happens. 1.2483 0.04558 149 120 19 7
2200 Oh man, I'm poached! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2201 Not a wall, the wagon. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2202 After a fall, Trumpty Dumpty likes some whine. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2203 Who knew a wall could make people so angry? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2204 Just a drink.......no cracking jokes please.! 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2205 He got mad when he pulled me over, asked for my name and I said Humpty Dumpty. He didn’t even ask for my license! 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2206 Yeah, I was sitting on Trump's wall 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2207 'Honey, you've got to crack some eggs to make an omelet' seemed like a good pickup line at the time 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2208 This should go right through you . . . 1.2483 0.03286 149 120 25 4
2209 We need to build bridges, not walls 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2210 'That ramp was like Ice, I tell ya, and steep! 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2211 I’m done trying to put myself back together again. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2212 My mind is in scrambles! 1.2483 0.03973 149 118 26 5
2213 That better be strong. All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do it. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2214 They did this to me all because it's very hard for me to keep my face mask on. So... I scrambled in here for a drink. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2215 I'm about to give "Down the hatch" new meaning. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2216 No more Wallbangers for me. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2217 With all his talk of wall building, I figured he'd hire a good contractor. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2218 I was walking past the White House as Trump was crossing the street. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2219 I tried to explain to them that "Defund the King's Men" shouldn't be taken literally. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2220 Make it a double, Sammy. I’m in a world of hurt. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2221 Geesh, no one can take a yolk anymore! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2222 You might not believe this, but I was once the President of the United States. The best, probably, ever in the history of this great country! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2223 I keep telling them... the problems start when you build a wall. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2224 All I said to the chicken was "I was first" 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2225 And you're sure the cure will be here by the first week in November? 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2226 Nah, all the King's men were too busy building the wall. 1.2483 0.04030 149 115 29 4
2227 The frontline workers did an excellent job but they didn't have any masks left 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2228 They really do walk on eggshells around here. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2229 Keep 'em comin. All the king's horses & all the king's men are looking at a class action lawsuit. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2230 I'm more opposed than ever to building the Wall. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2231 Remind me to never put Dumpty for Trumpty on a bumper sticker again. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2232 She told me I had to break out of my shell, but this sh*t is hard. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2233 They said it was only elective surgery and I'll have to wait 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2234 I wasn't always empty inside. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2235 I was just sitting on a wall when the king's horses and the king's men showed up in full riot gear. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2236 Someone shouted "Come down from there!" So I did. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2237 Forget about King's horses and men, I'm just hoping my HMO covers political fallout. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2238 Eggnog? Seriously? 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2239 So there I was -- President of the United States. And then all the King's men wrote tell-all books. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2240 I’m shaken, not stirred 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2241 Be careful going down ramps! 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2242 You have anywhere to sit that's lower to the ground? 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2243 You think the combover works? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2244 Turns out the last one in IS a rotten egg. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2245 Humpty got smashed. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2246 I was going to quit drinking boss, but I cracked. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2247 It was actually a wagon. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2248 Did you remember to sanitize your hands? 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2249 I was doing fine until one of the king’s horses stepped on me. 1.2482 0.04490 137 109 22 6
2250 The worst was when the horses also wanted to give it a try! 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
2251 ...and whose idea was it to get "all the kings HORSES" involved? 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
2252 I’ll have a vodka martini, scrambled, not stirred 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
2253 I guess people just really hate gigantic, sentient, ambulatory eggs. 1.2467 0.04530 150 122 19 9
2254 I heard the ice cream truck right after my wife cleaned the sliding glass door. 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
2255 Yeah, typecast again. 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
2256 Luckily, the king’s men got to me first. 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
2257 Wall Street, am I right? 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2258 Just a little glue please. 1.2463 0.04670 134 108 19 7
2259 All the King's Horses didn't help at all. 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
2260 I was fine until all the king’s horses got involved. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2261 Horses don't have hands. 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
2262 I guess I’ve learned my lesson about egging people on... 1.2449 0.04486 147 119 20 8
2263 Yeah my summer was great, but I’ve had a hell of a fall. 1.2449 0.04049 147 115 28 4
2264 Is my crack showing? 1.2449 0.04162 147 116 26 5
2265 No more for me. My brain’s already scrambled. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
2266 I'm celebrating! I almost became a Deviled Egg! 1.2449 0.04486 147 119 20 8
2267 All I said was, ‘Why aren’t you wearing a mask?’ And by the way, why aren’t you?” 1.2449 0.04381 147 118 22 7
2268 It was an Eggbeater! 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
2269 Thank God for the EMTs! The King's horses were useless. 1.2449 0.04162 147 116 26 5
2270 I'd like my drink scrambled, not stirred. 1.2444 0.04518 135 108 21 6
2271 They kept trying to fix me themselves instead of just calling 911. 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
2272 You're kidding - egg nog? 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
2273 Actually, I feel like an omelette. 1.2424 0.04318 132 104 24 4
2274 I have a good notion to report those horses to the AMA. 1.2424 0.04824 132 108 16 8
2275 Falling off the wall wasn't the problem. It was those goddam kings' horses. 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
2276 The horses were really unnecessary. 1.2424 0.04318 132 104 24 4
2277 The horses actually turned out to be better dermatologists than all the king's men 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
2278 I'm on the royal health plan, but only the king's horses were in-network. 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
2279 Hit me. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2280 needless to say, my friend, she was not too happy to learn it was me that came first 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2281 My insurance said ALL the king's horses was not medically necessary 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2282 Just one. I have a splitting headache 🤕 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2283 No, I’m not okay. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2284 ...and THEN there’s my fibromyalgia... 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2285 Bartender: “Fall down on the job again?” 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2286 Egg lives matter... 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2287 Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2288 I told them I fell off a wall because I didn’t want them to know I fell off the wagon. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2289 I'm no chicken! 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2290 A drink at a bar, fix it all 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2291 It was like an ice-skating rink, no handrails.! What they won’t show you is I ran down the last ten feet of that wall! I looked very handsome. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2292 Does it look like I want it on the rocks?! 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2293 Have you got something to wash the taste of police brutality out of my mouth? 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2294 I didn’t want to be an egghead, so I went to a brown eggs matter protest. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2295 I know I got laid. After that, it's all scrambled. Feeling fried. Pretty close to rock bottom. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2296 So the King's horses and the King's men are putting me back together and one of them has a "Buy one get one free" card, and here I am! 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2297 Worse, they were the King's men. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2298 I just feel like I hit a wall or something. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2299 Pour me something that helps me forget 2020 ever happened. 1.2414 0.04126 145 116 22 6
2300 Double, please. Hold the irony. 1.2414 0.04722 145 120 15 10
2301 He might have plenty of horses and men - but let me tell you, he has one lousy health insurance plan. 1.2414 0.04619 145 119 17 9
2302 Another great fall, sir? 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2303 So then this chick lays me on a wall... 1.2414 0.04407 145 116 21 7
2304 Betcha can’t guess what street I work on.... 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2305 You know, being an egg is not all that it's cracked up to be. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2306 It was a great fall but it’s been a lousy summer. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2307 This was the best they could do after I posed for the photo-op on the President's wall. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2308 A cop thought I was a protester. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2309 Damn him, and his wall... 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2310 Give me a double. This time I fell off the wagon. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2311 Very fine people, indeed. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2312 She said she didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2313 I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2314 Ends up that all the king's horses and all the kings men weren't all that they were cracked up to be. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2315 Humphrey Dunfy... why do you ask 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2316 ...and a shot of Krazy Glue, if you have it? 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2317 King's Horses gin, please. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2318 Humpty Drunky 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2319 You have no idea! All those horses, all those men.... 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2320 She humped me, then she dumped me... 1.2414 0.04241 145 118 20 7
2321 Luckily, the protesters got to me before the King’s men. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2322 All I Asked for Was an Egg White Cocktail at a BLM Rally 1.2414 0.05111 145 124 7 14
2323 You should see the eleven other guys." 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2324 I say its high time to defund All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men 1.2397 0.04159 146 116 25 5
2325 So hear me out, man! This kid put me in a spoon for his birthday or something and just started running! Man, this year is the worst 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2326 The horses? Why the horses? 1.2394 0.04572 142 115 18 8
2327 Beaten up to perfection; that's how she wants me! 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2328 Just seltzer for me, I don't want to fall off the wagon too. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2329 I'm just glad I have insurance. 1.2394 0.03862 142 110 22 5
2330 Don’t worry, I’m not one of the king’s men. 1.2394 0.05089 142 121 8 13
2331 You want to talk about a great fall, look at the Dow. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2332 Then I said to the guy, “if you hit me one more time I’m going to crack!” 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2333 I’m OK. I’m just feeling a little scrambled. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2334 Here is a little pick me up. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2335 This world’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2336 I’ll tell you this - the King’s horses are not medically trained! 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2337 Turns out, life in the city isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
2338 Good question. How DID I get up there? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2339 None of the King's horses knew what they were doing. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2340 I never really wanted a fairy tale life. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
2341 All the king's horses didn't help. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2342 When you can't trust all the king's horses and all the king's men, who can you trust? 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2343 Thanks for not telling me she's a vegan. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2344 She broke more than my heart. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2345 Yeah, and my summer wasn't so great either! 1.2394 0.04348 142 113 22 6
2346 It wasn't really all that great. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
2347 Stools, I can sit on. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2348 Eggnog please. 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
2349 All the king’s horses are pretty awesome actually. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2350 If he won't listen to the daily briefing, what makes you think he'll listen to me? 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
2351 Only you can put me back together again, Tommy. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2352 Lemme tell ya, all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do jack squat. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2353 I dunno--maybe they're right about my drinking. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2354 Humpty Dumpty thinks he had it rough. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2355 Turns out all the King's men is outside my HMO. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2356 I was only trying to crack a joke. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
2357 I had a great fall, but COVID made for a bad spring. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2358 I was pushed. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2359 Nobody told me what the reveal gender party was all about. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2360 Well, Sam, once I fell off the wagon, it was inevitable I'd fall off the wall. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2361 Last call for you, Humpty. I wouldn't want you to have another great fall. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2362 It wasn't the fall that did it. It was all the king's horses and men. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2363 I never liked all this wall politics to begin with 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2364 Make mine a double, I need to get pickled tonight. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2365 That was an egg-cellent party though! 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2366 When I said I needed a break from 2020 -not what I meant. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2367 yeah I'm also broke 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2368 You know so many eggs are having great falls because they’re running so many wall tests. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2369 ID? ... But, I'm THE Humpty Dumpty. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2370 I thought it would be different this time 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2371 Yeah, she humpty-dumped me. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2372 I wasn’t even on the wall this time 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2373 Spring has been rough, but I’m hoping for a great Fall 1.2357 0.04926 140 118 11 11
2374 Humpty Dumpty walked into a bar. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2375 And the king's men just turned a blind eye towards me. 1.2357 0.04821 140 117 13 10
2376 Right from the start, I knew she wanted to change me... but I’ve just realized it was into an omelet. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2377 Just make sure I don’t get smashed again. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2378 Stirred, not scrambled. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2379 The kings' horses and men were useless - it was my therapist that really put me back together. 1.2357 0.03875 140 109 29 2
2380 Well, the yolk was on me! 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2381 Not another Harvey Wallbanger, please" 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2382 Gin...no Fizz. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2383 I had a great Fall. But it’s been a lousy Spring. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2384 Give me a break! 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2385 But the real damage was done by the king's horses. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2386 All in all, I wasn't just Another Brick in The Wall 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2387 Actually, no thanks, I think I've hit the wall. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2388 Still fighting with the chicken who came first? 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2389 Better this than more crack. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2390 The kids don’t need to know why I fell. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2391 Wish I was as thick-skinned as the President. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2392 Make that a double Wallbanger. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2393 No more for me, or I'll fall off the stool, too. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2394 Long story short, I fucked up. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2395 I shouldn't have said, 'ya dumb fork' to an eggbeater. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2396 I didn't fall, I was pushed off that wall! 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2397 She threw me over for another guy. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2398 Dude. I’m just lucky they got me put back together again. Know what I’m sayin’? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2399 Hit me again Joe... I'm fried already anyway. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2400 I’m an egg- what the hell am I doing at a bar? If I get pickled someone might eat me! 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2401 I was actually doing OK until all the King’s men arrived. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2402 Sitting on a wall isn't all its cracked up to be. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2403 I swear to god, James... I’m about to crack. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2404 I didn't mean make ME a Pisco Sour... 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2405 Just a soft drink, please. I'm feeling a little fragile. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2406 They told me I had no business sitting on a wall in the first place. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2407 I should have waited to cross the road. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2408 They even brought all the king’s horses to the after party. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2409 Why do I have to get all the breaks? 1.2357 0.03875 140 109 29 2
2410 They yelled something about "white fragility" and then shoved me off the wall! 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2411 Same old story, I fell off the wagon. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2412 The wall wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2413 Pour me something that'll put me together again. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2414 No, Bert, forget the wall, it’s like something’s inside me trying to get out. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2415 It's always the same--first the wall, then the wagon. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2416 Do not call the king's horses. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2417 Make it a double, Joe. Yeah, eggheads are still taking it on the chin. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2418 I told you the wall wasn’t such a ‘great’ idea 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2419 It looks bad but the injuries appear to all be eggsternal. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2420 They used to call it”shell shock”. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2421 All I said was, it's Humpty, not Humphrey. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2422 Actually, it was the king's horses and men that did this to me. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2423 I took a beating. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2424 I wouldn't exactly say it was a GREAT fall... 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2425 Does alcohol help with the crack problem? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2426 If you ever have a fall, take my advice. Avoid the King's horses and the King's men 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2427 Do you have anything stronger? I can’t fall apart like this again... 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2428 I can't figure out why I'm always falling off that wall. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2429 The good news, I didn't run. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2430 All the horses and Kingsmen wasn't quite enough 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
2431 It was only a wire fence Amigo, not a wall! 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
2432 All I said was “everybody deserves basic human rights” to my Aunt Karen 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2433 And thrn I said, 'Your Majesty, why all the men on horseback? What we really need is universal health care'. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2434 Last time I go see a live show of the TV program "Chopped ". 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2435 This drink is called ‘all the King’s horses and all the King’s men.’ 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2436 And I says to her, I says, if those are organic then I’m Jumbo 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2437 I'm positive the saying is; Break a leg! 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2438 I fell off both the wall and the wagon this time 1.2336 0.04777 137 114 14 9
2439 Maybe try standing? I don’t think sitting is your strong suit. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2440 He said no one builds walls better than him. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2441 I should have sheltered in place. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2442 ‘Give it to me over-easy’ 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2443 Just not on the rocks 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2444 ... so you’re saying that after working on the wall, all of Trump’s horses and all of Trump’s men, did... this? 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2445 The King's Horses and men just left me to die but then along came this little Swedish girl... 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2446 Bar tender: 2020 broke you too, huh? 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2447 I had to go two kingdoms over to get the surgery I needed. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2448 It turns out walls DON’T work, and neither does injecting UV light 1.2336 0.04178 137 108 24 4
2449 ‘The director was lousy. It took sixteen takes.’ 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2450 Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2451 Don’t worry pal, I’ll spare you the egg puns and Humpty Dumpty jokes. You’re safe here fella. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2452 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men applied ‘reasonable and necessary force’ against Humpty again 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2453 I’ll take anything, just not on the rocks. You can see how that turned out... 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2454 I hope thats not WHISKey Joe... 1.2336 0.04997 137 116 10 11
2455 ‘Great’ is a bit rich. It wasn’t even my best, if I’m really being honest with myself. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2456 You know that wall they're building? You won't believe this... 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2457 12 Angry Eggs” the play I was cast in, ended up being a lot different than I expected 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2458 Gimme a steep one, taken apart and put back together—been that kinda day. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2459 I’m drinking until kingdom come. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2460 My wife beats me and my cholesterol's high. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2461 ...and then I yelled "I came first!" 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2462 I said 'no, the name is Humpt', but they dumped me anyway... 1.2336 0.03981 137 110 23 4
2463 You'd be surprised how many bars refuse service to crackheads. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2464 My job’s not exactly all it’s cracked up to be either. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2465 So much for a bigly, tremendous wall like the world has never seen. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2466 There's only so long you can quarantine on a wall! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2467 And a dash of puncture seal, please. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2468 I just got out of a four-hour meeting with all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2469 How do you think I’m feeling? - -Multiple fractures; I broke my Yolk; The prognosis is between pre-Scrambled and Egg Drop Soup 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2470 So much for help from all the King's horses. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2471 From now on, no walls, only barstools 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2472 I cracked up but luckily I’m pretty hard boiled. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2473 No one wants to talk about how I fell. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2474 Better make it a double, Sam, my head is about to eggsplode. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2475 I just keep cracking, man. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2476 It's not like they tried very hard. I mean, THE KING'S HORSES? Come on, give me a break! 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2477 I just can't get behind having another wall. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2478 My insurance plan only covers the king’s horses 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2479 And then she said , "Do I look fat in this shell?" 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2480 Extra ice please. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2481 I’m down in the dumpties. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2482 All the kings horse's and all the king's men finally put me together again, so you can make that a double, John. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2483 It's getting bad, Joe. I can't get laid, and I'm having a hard time keeping myself together. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2484 And please don't say I should've worn a mask. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2485 Whose bright idea was it to get the horses involved? 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2486 The White House Easter egg roll is getting a little rough these days. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2487 His horses didn't help matters. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2488 IT'S OK. I FELL OFF THE WAGON 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2489 All the King's Horse's and all the King's men where the only provider in my Network. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2490 To tell the truth I’m feeling a little scrambled. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2491 I asked for over easy 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2492 Then the king's horses and men took me to this hospital. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2493 I drink, I fall down. I fall down, I stand up. I stand up, I drink. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2494 ER visit? Yeah right. My HMO only authorizes me to see the King's Horses now. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2495 Fake news. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2496 A more hard-boiled type wouldn't get as upset as me about this. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2497 They thought I was poaching but could not take a yolk 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2498 The king's men were great, but his horses have no business working in an ER. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2499 You know I can hardly remember my name. I think I might have shell shock. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2500 All of a sudden they started using egg beaters. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2501 Yeah, some place where I can get in on the ground floor... 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2502 Pickle me, Charlie. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2503 I'm cracking-up. Going cage free was a giant mistake 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2504 They did put me back together again but not sure it's going to last so make it a double. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2505 So we're sitting on the wall, and she says, tell me about yourself. So I say, "well, I am ovoid, 19, and," then she screams, decks me, and I end up in pieces on the ground. 1.2336 0.04777 137 114 14 9
2506 I was sitting in a diner and the guy next to me ordered scrambled eggs. The rest is too painful to talk about. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2507 The worst part is, I lost my mask. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2508 I was just lucky one of the Kings Men was a medic! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2509 You'd better make it a double,Sam. I had to do home surgery since all the King's horses and men are shelthering in place. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2510 "I'm sitting with two guys who start arguing about how to make an omelet." 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2511 That'll just go right through me. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2512 And then the other Kings Man said, "Well wearing a mask is not manly." and then all hell broke loose. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2513 Do you think I'll ever get another big break? 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2514 I don't know how people roll with these things 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2515 Everyone tells me it was a very great fall. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2516 And then she started yelling, 'I've coddled you far too long, Mr. Humpty Dumpty!' 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2517 Please cancel my order, I'm broke 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2518 Don’t worry Mexico will pay for this. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2519 “Crazy how I ended up in this hole in the wall.” 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2520 One thing I learned is to never sit on a wall when you've been drinking. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2521 They called me Humpty Dumpty. Like all eggs look a like. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2522 It turns out the horses and men were able to put me together again. Make it a double. 1.2336 0.04777 137 114 14 9
2523 Do you have a hangover cure that doesn’t involve raw eggs? 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2524 This new piñata gig is tougher than I thought. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2525 I’ll be okay, Mexico’s gonna pay for it. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2526 And then he said "Mr. Gorbachev..." 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2527 All the King’s men were incompetent. One good woman would have been nice ! 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2528 Get this: my health plan uses 'the king's horses'. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2529 I, for one, wish they’d reinstate social distancing. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2530 I Cant Fart 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2531 I don't think a screwdriver and a rusty nail will be enough to put me back together. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2532 I'll trade you a runny yolk for a funny joke. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2533 He said Mexicans would pay for the wall. I can't believe I fell for it. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2534 I know, just sitting on a wall sounds easy, but... 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2535 None of the king's horses and none of the king's men were on my insurance. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2536 And then he said, 'You've got egg on your face.' I cracked. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2537 This coming Fall is going to be even worse! 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2538 You should have seen what they've done with the golden goose 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2539 And I looked up at him and said, ‘nobody calls me chicken!’ 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2540 I thought wall tester would be an easy gig ! 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2541 Be careful, I'm fragile... 1.2336 0.04048 137 107 26 3
2542 Let me guess.... A harvey Wallbanger?" 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2543 Better make it an eggnog; the break up didn't go over easy. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2544 Last thing I remember hearing was “Hey let’s make an omelette” 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2545 Couldn't? They didn't want to put me back together because I have proof Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2546 If they had GMO back then, Uncle Humpty would still be here. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2547 You know me... tough on the outside, gooey on the inside. 1.2328 0.04952 116 95 15 6
2548 Turns out that just a couple of the King's women got it done. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
2549 You should've seen Dumpty! 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
2550 Can we just talk this time? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2551 Getting pushed off the wall was bad enough, but then the King proclaimed that I was a terrorist. 1.2308 0.04622 143 119 15 9
2552 'Tried to social distance. Ran out of wall.' 1.2308 0.04441 130 105 20 5
2553 Hey at least I'm not the only thing falling apart right now. 1.2296 0.04328 135 108 21 5
2554 Supposedly there were just one or two bad apples among all the king's men 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2555 And then the cops showed up. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2556 yeah you know I’m a little broken up over it man, one day we’re fine and next thing I know she’s dyed her shell and is in an omelet with some other guy 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2557 Can I get you a fix? 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
2558 I’m tellin ya, the king’s men just kept on walkin” 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2559 ...and all that for a photo shoot. Better make it a double. 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2560 An egg walks into a bar-- very funny. 1.2296 0.04198 135 107 23 4
2561 She misunderstood when I asked her to spoon me. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2562 I'll take mine over easy. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2563 You've gotta be hard-boiled to make it out there today. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
2564 Sure, it was a GREAT fall. But the winter and spring have sucked. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
2565 Is this what it feels like to hit rock bottom ? 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
2566 I should stop trying to get out of my shell 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2567 Tough week ??? Eggs...actly ! 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2568 So I took up some rock climbing during my furlough. 1.2296 0.04695 135 112 15 8
2569 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men? Buddy, you need a new HMO! 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2570 All the King's Horse's All the King's Men Will NEVER touch my Humpty Dumpty again! 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2571 It happened in Berlin. Late 1989. 1.2296 0.04812 135 113 13 9
2572 Look on WHAT 'Sunny Side'? 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
2573 Throwing someone under the bus is not just an idiomatic phrase. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2574 One minute I was on top and then I hit the wall. 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2575 I know I should have gone to the hospital but with the COVID thing going on...ya know?! 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2576 Plus why the hell they would let the King's horses have a go at it, is beyond me. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2577 All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't drink as much Scotch as I need right now. 1.2296 0.04812 135 113 13 9
2578 Forget the king's horses, forget the king's men, Give me the whisky - I'll be better again! 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2579 They said that some of my 19th century statements were 'problematic'... That's the last thing I remember. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2580 Never bring a spoon to a whisk fight. 1.2296 0.04695 135 112 15 8
2581 Anyway that’s the last time I’m trying to come out of my shell. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2582 Defund all the King’s horsemen and all the King’s Men! #butseriously 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2583 Broken, not stirred 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2584 The Queen’s Men. She has men. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2585 This summer has been rough. I could really use a great fall. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2586 They shouldn’t have given ‘All The King’s Horses’ the first crack at it. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2587 Just trying to keep it all together man. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2588 Yeah... I’m really broken up about it. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2589 Leave the bottle... and a round for all the King's men. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2590 ...Barely made it through brunch this weekend... 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2591 Scrambled not stirred please 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2592 Who needs Obamacare when you have a slowly creeping autocrat whose men and horses can put you back together again pretty much good as new?.. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2593 I’m starting to wonder why I sat on the wall in the first place? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2594 And the ramp was so slippery... 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2595 Don’t even ask 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2596 Boy, am I glad you are finally open. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2597 It’s hard to eggsplain. 1.2273 0.04246 132 105 22 4
2598 I’m just going to nurse it. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2599 Honestly, I've just been feeling like a shell of my former self 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2600 Everything was peaceful...until the cops showed up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2601 I thought the fall of 2019 was bad 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2602 I have to stop falling off the wagon. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2603 Living in a fairy tail is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2604 So now neither the US nor Mexico wants to handle my medical bill... 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2605 Dunno why I keep walking into the bar. 1.2273 0.04511 132 107 18 6
2606 Well, after the horses and men left, the women showed up 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2607 Might as well make it a double. My yolk is already scrambled! 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2608 2020 is going to make an omelette of me yet! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2609 ...and now I’m broke, but at least she’s got her omelette. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2610 Maybe I shouldn’t have egged him on? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2611 I knew I was in for a great fall, but no one said anything about summer. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2612 I had a great fall, but winter and spring were brutal! 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2613 2020, man. And it’s only July. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2614 I don't know why they had to bring in the horses first. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2615 It's a little insensitive, isn't it? I mean putting me up on a barstool. I'd rather have a booth. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2616 - "I have got to stop going to comedy clubs." 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2617 According to the King's Men, I "tripped" and "fell." At least that's what they wrote in the incident report. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2618 The Queen’s women patched me right up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2619 The Fall was actually okay, it was the Spring that did this 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2620 Humpty Dumpty: Why are you not wearing a mask? 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2621 And the worst part - I quit drinking. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2622 Make it a double. It’s been a day. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2623 2020 has been tough. I haven’t even made it to the fall yet. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2624 On the rocks... really? 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2625 If you think I'm put together again, you should talk to my therapist. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2626 Give me a break, will you... 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2627 How easy would it be for you to make me an omelet? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2628 I tried to argue that the chicken came first. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2629 Russia paid a guy to do this to me. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2630 Ever hear of a shell company? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2631 Make it a Harvey Wall-banger, pal. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2632 If I hadn't had my own coverage, those guys and their horses would still be fiddling around with me. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2633 Well it could have been worse...the other guy had his head scrambled. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2634 I told them I wasn't a monument. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2635 At least it wasn’t a great fall. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2636 A martini. Shaken, not shirred. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2637 Set 'em up Joe, that fall from the wall was no yolk. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2638 He told a joke...I didn’t laugh...and then he cracked me up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2639 I swear, I wasn't drunk. I was pushed! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2640 I just don't think I'll last through another plunge on Wall Street. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2641 The fall was uneventful. The King’s horses did me in. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2642 Turns out that all the king's men are bad at healthcare. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2643 Sometimes I think I’d be happier in a soufflé. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2644 those horses were all out of network... 1.2273 0.04108 132 104 24 3
2645 When I'm good and pickled they'll leave me alone. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2646 I just knew one of these days she was gonna crack. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2647 The king's men weren't that bad, but the horses were brutal. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2648 Yeah, and then Harvey Wallbanger showed up! 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2649 But I told Donald not to let Jared design the Wall 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2650 So-So Summer, Great Fall... 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2651 Just for the record, I'm against building walls. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2652 Don't go over easy on that! 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2653 Ya know, Lloyd, Life's hard boiled some times. It's never over easy. I may be a shell of my former self, but I didn't crack." 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2654 They even claimed it was a pre-existing condition. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2655 At first I thought having Mexico pay for it was a great idea. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2656 All the king's men were fine, but all the king's horses did me no favors. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2657 Well, I said Humpty and he thought I said Trumpty... 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2658 I'll have whatever you gave the last crack-up. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2659 You know, all my life I've been walking on eggshells. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2660 Anything but "on the rocks"! 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2661 I tried to roll over easy to get out of there but the situation kind of boiled over. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2662 What I really need is a pick-me-up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2663 sentience is a curse and life is a prison 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2664 I don't know what Humpty told you, but he doesn't do his own stunts. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2665 God I'm toasted. 1.2273 0.04880 132 111 12 9
2666 Who knew that having a shell is considered a pre-existing condition? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2667 At least I didn't fall off a wall! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2668 Maybe all the King’s liquor and all the King’s gin could put Humpty Dumpty together again. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2669 What makes you think I come from s broken home? 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2670 Lil' something to unscramble my brain please. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2671 The King's men? Useless. At least they got me to the bar. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2672 Damn that Lewis Carroll! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2673 The King’s Horses!? What were they thinking!? 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2674 Mac, it is time to become a Pickled Egg! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2675 Humpty Dumpty sat at the bar after Humpty Dumpty got hit by a car. 1.2273 0.04880 132 110 12 9
2676 Make it the hump day double. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2677 All the King's Horses and all the King's Men turned out to be a poor choice of available resources. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2678 Then the orange-haired man yelled at me,"Get off my wall!" and six men in black suits sprayed me with tear gas and knocked me down. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2679 They couldn't find the last shard in the batter either. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2680 So all the Queen's women put me together again. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2681 When they said "flatten the curve," I didn't think they meant my curve. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2682 I’m beginning to think life’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.03661 132 107 22 3
2683 The cops did it to me at the rally. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2684 A couple of stiff ones and I start to come out of my shell. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2685 I heard you make a mean eggnog. It better be all it's cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2686 ... And a Krazy Glue chaser. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2687 The world just isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2688 The sign read "Omelette Bar"... It sounded like a cool place to hang out. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2689 Yes, ‘‘twas a nasty spill, but I held onto my albumen.” Will Hunter Plymouth M 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2690 OK, maybe protesting isn't a good fit. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2691 I yelled that I wasn’t a statue but they weren’t buying it. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2692 I feel like I've been beaten up all day. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2693 This summer has me beat... I hope we have a great fall. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2694 Sit on a wall, they said. Everything'll be fine, they said. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2695 Last place I walked into was an omelette bar; I barely made it out of there in one piece. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2696 Since when did Egg Beaters become a thing? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2697 You should see the rabbi and the priest. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2698 What I don’t get is why they sent horses and not a doctor. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2699 Are you sure you don’t want to sit in a booth? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2700 Yore biggest mistake was was thinking you were king. 1.2273 0.03891 132 106 23 3
2701 I couldn't - I'm poached. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2702 Just don't ever let there King's AID team come near you 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2703 I told them I wasn’t a hard boiled detective! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2704 And then he said he would make me great again. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2705 I was okay until the King's men showed up. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2706 All the King’s men and all the King’s horses...and then, Thank God, the Queen showed up! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107