Contest #715


Cartoon

715

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “And then I find out all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are out-of-network.”
  2. “It’s never over easy.”
  3. “No, actually I fell off the wagon.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2020-06-28T16:09:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2020-07-19T16:11:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2020-07-13T16:10:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued July 20, 2020
Number of captions 10145
Number of responses 2012461
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 The recipe said 'One egg, beaten.' I was lucky to get out alive. 2.1436 0.00483 25891 6231 9721 9935
1 No, you're thinking of my brother Humpty. I fell off the wagon. 2.0839 0.00509 24670 6971 8674 9023
2 In hindsight , I should have let the chicken go first. 2.0637 0.00539 22393 6620 7729 8042
3 Getting laid is harder than it looks. 2.0602 0.00580 21069 6904 6005 8159
4 I had a great fall, the greatest. No one fall has ever been greater" 2.0219 0.00581 19003 5901 6790 6312
5 First she tells me I need to come out of my shell. Now I’m “not together enough.” 2.0098 0.00701 12289 3667 4845 3777
6 For the record, they no longer like to be called chicks. 1.9651 0.00581 18840 6346 6813 5680
7 It’s never over easy. 1.9281 0.00612 16381 5678 6211 4492
8 Well, you should see the other guy - he's toast 1.9214 0.00682 13432 4775 4947 3710
9 I mean, who sends horses? 1.9017 0.00600 17770 6653 6223 4894
10 And then I find out all the king's horses and all the king's men are out-of-network. 1.8774 0.00621 16880 6660 5634 4584
11 The last thing I remember is the sign that said beware of poachers 1.8768 0.00635 15435 5886 5568 3979
12 Geez...I mean, who knew Egg Beaters was an actual thing? 1.8712 0.00630 15972 6228 5572 4167
13 Everyone I ever loved was in that carton. 1.8711 0.00618 16648 6528 5742 4373
14 Well, my memory of it is a little scrambled. 1.8646 0.00613 15318 5587 6214 3511
15 It wasn't a great fall. That's fake news. It was a beautiful leap. Some say it was the best leap ever. 1.8622 0.00647 15616 6349 5078 4189
16 I've already been beaten and boiled so might as well get pickled too. 1.8455 0.00921 7332 2934 2597 1801
17 To add insult to injury, had I fallen on the Mexican side I would have received free medical care from qualified professionals. 1.8435 0.00660 15026 6286 4811 3928
18 Speaking from experience, walls don’t really make anything great again 1.8007 0.01097 5134 2200 1757 1177
19 So, I thought, "Hey, the chicken made it across..." 1.7898 0.00694 12285 5203 4466 2616
20 Yep, ALL the king's horses and the ALL king's men. Not ONE doctor. 1.7818 0.00738 11205 4924 3806 2474
21 No, actually I fell off the wagon 1.7759 0.01036 5257 2203 2029 1025
22 Let’s just say it didn’t go over easy. 1.7707 0.00634 13862 5823 5390 2642
23 No, not a whiskey... I said they tried to whisk me. 1.7600 0.01012 5867 2644 1991 1232
24 Leave the bottle. Jack and Jill will be here in five minutes. 1.7584 0.00750 10666 4819 3617 2230
25 At least I got laid. 1.7555 0.00957 6977 3309 2077 1591
26 No, I didn't fight back. The truth is, inside, I'm a hundred percent chicken. 1.7529 0.01018 5593 2489 2003 1101
27 There was no rhyme or reason to it. Well, rhyme, maybe. 1.7504 0.00706 11385 5033 4172 2177
28 Sit on the wall, they said. What could go wrong, they said. 1.7504 0.01443 2708 1186 1012 510
29 People don’t seem to understand that brown shell or white shell we are all the same inside. 1.7353 0.01000 5935 2761 1987 1187
30 And if the accident wasn't bad enough, I just found out that my cholesterol is high. 1.7340 0.01347 3181 1458 1113 610
31 I told her I was 'free-range' when we started dating! 1.7307 0.01015 5681 2653 1915 1113
32 I also have a crack problem. 1.7265 0.00781 9938 4755 3153 2028
33 It’s my own fault. I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. 1.7226 0.01019 5519 2563 1925 1031
34 No, I can’t look on the sunny side.” 1.7210 0.00967 5956 2731 2161 1064
35 I’d still like to know what they thought the damn horses were gonna do. 1.7135 0.01024 5462 2576 1877 1009
36 So, yeah, they were putting me together again, until they realized I didn't have insurance. 1.7116 0.00816 8623 4089 2938 1596
37 You spend your whole life worried about walls, and then WHAM, hit by a bus. 1.7088 0.01026 5708 2805 1770 1133
38 Geez, they tell you to maintain social distancing, and then they pack 12 of us into a carton. 1.7083 0.01134 4463 2129 1511 823
39 I just realized I have no idea how I'm getting down from here. 1.7070 0.01151 4286 2047 1456 783
40 The chicken can be first, I don't care anymore. 1.7067 0.01059 5131 2457 1725 948
41 It's been the worst summer of my life. Hopefully I'll have a great fall. 1.7030 0.01151 4330 2081 1457 792
42 Being an egg isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.6974 0.01070 4703 2196 1735 772
43 You ever been put back together by horses? 1.6973 0.01203 3945 1904 1331 710
44 It’s always “Humpty Dumpty had a great fall”—never “Is Humpty Dumpty okay?” 1.6923 0.01087 4875 2386 1604 885
45 Unfortunately, being an egg is considered a preexisting condition. 1.6824 0.00945 6435 3197 2085 1153
46 I'm gonna need all the king's vodka and all the king's gin. 1.6805 0.00953 6514 3303 1990 1220
47 Is that my 3rd or 4th?, I'm a little shell shocked at the moment. 1.6796 0.00832 7924 3856 2754 1314
48 And then he said “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall”. 1.6790 0.00803 9455 4889 2715 1851
49 What really hurts is they called me “Trumpty Dumpty” 1.6756 0.01651 2266 1186 629 451
50 Chickens don't like being told they didn't come first. 1.6639 0.00834 8194 4177 2596 1420
51 The ramp was long and steep and slippery and I was wearing leather bottom shoes. 1.6636 0.00909 7774 4254 1884 1635
52 Build the wall!“ “Build the wall!” How about, “Make sure the wall is structurally sound! 1.6613 0.01283 3398 1721 1107 570
53 I ran into a gang of poachers. 1.6607 0.02588 787 386 282 119
54 You should see the other eleven. 1.6548 0.00860 7269 3641 2494 1132
55 Yep, veteran of six Easter Egg hunts. A lot of good men dyed out there. 1.6548 0.01431 2810 1461 858 491
56 With everything going on, I just cracked. 1.6478 0.01039 5000 2544 1675 781
57 No, I didn't fall off a wall! Why do people keep asking me that!? 1.6468 0.01123 4304 2199 1427 678
58 I hope this one is on the house. I’m totally broke. 1.6371 0.01268 3345 1731 1099 515
59 The wall's owner doesn't carry liability insurance, but my lawyer says we can sue the King's men for malpractice. 1.6321 0.00805 8418 4417 2682 1319
60 Then I said, "Egg Whites Matter"! 1.6304 0.01933 1599 882 426 291
61 Lucky for me, I'm hard-boiled 1.6260 0.00896 6565 3423 2178 964
62 Now the King’s lawyer is saying it was more of a minor slip than a great fall. 1.6260 0.00877 6796 3521 2294 980
63 Last time I try coming out of my shell. 1.6215 0.00984 5553 2944 1770 839
64 And I am white. Could you imagine if I was brown? 1.6206 0.01045 5264 2895 1473 896
65 In the end it was all the queen's women who got the job done. 1.6185 0.00975 5922 3226 1728 966
66 Shaken, stirred, whatever... so long as it’s not scrambled. 1.6166 0.01473 2376 1242 803 331
67 Humpty Dumpty protests in peace. Humpty Dumpty is pushed by police. 1.6155 0.01417 2788 1522 816 450
68 Lucky thing I'm hard boiled 1.6155 0.01609 2005 1054 668 283
69 I could really use some coddling, right now. 1.6143 0.01883 1483 786 483 214
70 Getting laid is not what it's cracked up to be. 1.6108 0.01101 4684 2596 1315 773
71 No one ever asks what happens when an egg crosses the road 1.6076 0.00987 5632 3084 1674 874
72 It was my first FUI. 1.6071 0.00833 9615 5838 1714 2060
73 You should see the other guy, he's toast. 1.6021 0.01082 4667 2582 1364 721
74 The king sent all his horses and men to clear the wall for a photo-op. 1.5989 0.01700 1977 1120 530 327
75 And then I realized, the only person who can put me back together is me. 1.5936 0.01373 2707 1464 879 364
76 Give me another. I'm still a little shell-shocked. 1.5924 0.00938 5906 3229 1853 822
77 So I asked her, how DO you make an omelet? 1.5857 0.01341 2771 1504 912 355
78 What can I say? Everyone’s walking on eggshells these days. 1.5826 0.01228 3445 1925 1038 482
79 So then I told this chick,, "Pretty sure I come first" 1.5737 0.01223 3767 2207 959 601
80 The king's horses tried. Then the king's men tried. Some guy from Foster Farms actually got sick when he looked at me. But you know who did it? Charlie. Yeah, Charlie, right there at the end of the bar. Charlie put me back together again. 1.5688 0.01143 4678 2878 941 859
81 I only asked her if she'd ever laid an egg. 1.5672 0.01268 3408 1990 903 515
82 ... and on top of everything I lost the Faberge` gig. 1.5668 0.01402 2777 1625 732 420
83 I'm the stunt double...Humpty wouldn't take the fall. 1.5668 0.01989 1265 709 395 161
84 Make it a double Sam. My insides are all scrambled. 1.5662 0.02091 1102 608 364 130
85 When they say you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you never think it’s you they’re talking about. 1.5650 0.02107 1193 688 336 169
86 A Wallbanger? Seriously? 1.5570 0.01270 3357 1980 882 494
87 They kept yelling, "Jump, jump, jump." So I jumped. 1.5539 0.01189 3952 2388 943 621
88 She's probably right: someone my shape has no business sitting on a wall. 1.5538 0.01275 3001 1704 934 363
89 I told the President the wall was a stupid idea. 1.5518 0.01389 2740 1616 739 385
90 ...and I said, ‘egg-xcuuuse me!’ ...I guess he didn’t get it. 1.5495 0.01239 3436 2028 928 480
91 « 2020 entering a bar » 1.5486 0.01300 3633 2307 660 666
92 I’ll have a hickory daiquiri, doc. 1.5467 0.01531 2464 1523 535 406
93 Yeah, first the wall, now the wagon 1.5440 0.01296 3101 1837 841 423
94 Great fall" my ass. It was horrible 1.5438 0.01307 3062 1818 823 421
95 Bad break up? Yeah.. I got dumped. 1.5402 0.01780 1531 885 465 181
96 Build a wall, they said. It’ll be “great,” they said.... 1.5377 0.01343 2901 1739 764 398
97 That wall was never a good idea 1.5335 0.01377 2675 1591 735 343
98 Hydroxychloroquine? Couldn’t hurt. 1.5326 0.01933 1365 816 371 178
99 One more - for the floor? 1.5311 0.01486 2785 1815 461 509
100 All the king's men say I tripped and fell, but we'll see about that when the video comes out. 1.5310 0.01441 2422 1443 672 307
101 Straight please..I've already been on the rocks once today 1.5306 0.01398 2454 1440 728 286
102 She's the redhead from Rhode Island, great sense of humor, really cracks me up. 1.5303 0.01455 2527 1548 618 361
103 I realized my healthcare plan was bad when they brought out the horses to try to put me back together again. 1.5298 0.02469 821 489 229 103
104 I mean seriously, how were the horses supposed to help? 1.5259 0.01498 2198 1310 620 268
105 No, it's been a lousy spring. But I had a great fall. 1.5251 0.01421 2413 1433 693 287
106 I was just sitting on a wall and some white woman called the cops. 1.5248 0.02278 1048 652 242 154
107 Leave the bottle... I fell off the wagon. 1.5218 0.02337 870 514 258 98
108 I don't understand what set him off; most people think I'm a good egg. 1.5191 0.02085 1046 610 329 107
109 I don't care what you read,......I was pushed!" 1.5189 0.01968 1218 721 362 135
110 Never tease a vegan. 1.5179 0.02234 1004 610 268 126
111 I was just sitting there, and when asked, I said Mexico is paying for it- that’s the last thing I remember 1.5172 0.01953 1363 842 337 184
112 And then she said, "would you like me to make you an omelette?" 1.5158 0.01563 2053 1252 543 258
113 Now I hear she ran away with some spoon. 1.5156 0.01887 1408 859 372 177
114 All the king’s horses only made it worse, to be honest. 1.5155 0.01533 2037 1219 584 233
115 This is the only place that serves eggs after 11. 1.5139 0.01902 1407 866 359 182
116 Mrs. Humpty dumped me. 1.5119 0.01660 1807 1113 466 228
117 I waltzed into the White House lawn right in the middle of what they call an Easter egg roll. I got rolled alright! Lost my wallet and my Rolex egg timer. 1.5111 0.01668 1935 1225 431 279
118 I know it’s a little early, but I’m just glad I made it past breakfast 1.5111 0.01619 1898 1161 499 235
119 2020 in an eggshell 1.5108 0.01710 1813 1140 418 254
120 A fix-it ticket would have sufficed... 1.5107 0.01751 1958 1301 314 343
121 Things were going so well. I had a great spring and a great summer, and then I had a great fall. 1.5096 0.01612 1880 1145 510 224
122 And that’s when I told the chicken I came first 1.5088 0.01669 1818 1125 459 233
123 It was worth it, just to tear down Colonel Sanders' statue. 1.5085 0.02368 940 592 218 130
124 This is what you get with an orange baby in charge: horses as healthcare. 1.5074 0.01938 1413 894 321 198
125 My therapist says I’ll have to put myself back together. 1.5067 0.01721 1577 949 456 171
126 I can only remember the first three minutes. 1.5042 0.01717 1676 1038 432 206
127 I still can't figure out why they thought all the King's horses would be of any help. 1.5032 0.01683 1707 1047 461 199
128 Anything but a wall banger. 1.5025 0.02221 991 611 262 118
129 Sit on the wall!”, they said. “It’ll be fun!”, they said 1.5012 0.01769 1636 1030 392 214
130 If it weren't for the EMTs, you'd be talking to an omelette. 1.5012 0.01712 1648 1014 442 192
131 Why does nobody believe me, I was pushed 1.4988 0.02382 826 504 232 90
132 i told them I couldn't wear a mask. I don't have any ears. 1.4974 0.01762 1516 929 420 167
133 What do you mean, you don’t serve food? 1.4958 0.02006 1299 832 290 177
134 I was lucky to get myself out of some very hot water. 1.4952 0.03032 517 319 140 58
135 Better and better, thanks. But hopefully the last time Bill Barr organizes the White House Easter Egg Hunt. 1.4947 0.01891 1516 987 308 221
136 I'm still a bit shell shocked... 1.4944 0.01769 1505 927 412 166
137 I’m telling you. I didn’t fall...I was pushed. 1.4942 0.01792 1461 902 398 161
138 Then she told this joke that just cracked me up! 1.4939 0.01829 1466 918 372 176
139 All I can say is…horses do not have very good fine motor skills. 1.4936 0.01899 1337 832 350 155
140 You got a carton in the back I can just lay in? 1.4889 0.02553 718 445 195 78
141 No, it wasn't about a wall at all. It was an argument about who came first... 1.4885 0.01940 1345 858 313 172
142 The President’s wall isn’t as sturdy as he wants us to believe. 1.4885 0.01907 1343 847 336 160
143 Not on the rocks. 1.4878 0.01884 1351 847 349 155
144 Last thing I remember is telling the chicken "no, I came first." 1.4868 0.01954 1321 846 307 168
145 Oh,the King's horses were great. But the King's men? They just beat the crap out of me. 1.4863 0.01973 1170 721 329 120
146 My first day out of quarantine and i’m already getting smashed.. 1.4859 0.01895 1274 787 355 132
147 I mean, the men were ok, but the horses... the horses were a bad, bad idea 1.4855 0.01938 1306 829 320 157
148 I used to be grade AA, but now I’m thinking I just need to go to their meetings. 1.4845 0.01905 1294 809 343 142
149 I just wanted to get a look at West Germany, I guess nov 9 wasn’t the day to do it 1.4836 0.02045 1284 847 253 184
150 I already fell off a wall. Might as well fall off the wagon. 1.4830 0.02214 969 610 250 109
151 Fell off a wall? So that’s what the cops are saying, huh? 1.4821 0.02366 809 501 226 82
152 Well, I’ll tell ya... Ever had a Clydesdale attempt to bandage you up? 1.4802 0.01934 1214 755 335 124
153 Make it a double. I'm nursing a rhyme. 1.4801 0.02018 1208 774 288 146
154 Thank God I have Obamacare. 1.4793 0.02030 1162 738 291 133
155 You’d think out of all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, there would be one plastic surgeon! 1.4767 0.02429 795 503 205 87
156 Pour me a double Barry, All the King’s men beat the hell out of me so he could take a picture in front of a church... 1.4763 0.02109 1159 761 244 154
157 The worst part is they made a nursery rhyme about it. 1.4750 0.02783 619 396 152 71
158 And all the king's horses? Worse than useless. 1.4749 0.02043 1135 723 285 127
159 She's mad because I didn't bring home the bacon. 1.4748 0.02035 1110 702 290 118
160 Well, it’s settled. The chicken came first. 1.4732 0.02283 951 618 216 117
161 If anything, allowing the King's horses to try only made things worse. 1.4709 0.02138 1064 689 249 126
162 So the U.S. Constitution walked into a bar.... 1.4708 0.02238 1079 728 194 157
163 You know how it goes — I finally just cracked. 1.4707 0.02064 1075 681 282 112
164 So an egg walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this a yolk" 1.4686 0.02391 843 546 199 98
165 First off the wall and now off the wagon 1.4683 0.02025 1040 645 303 92
166 Believe me, I've been in plenty of hot water. 1.4677 0.02045 1022 637 293 92
167 Yeah, insurance declined coverage on account it was a ‘pre-eggsisting condition.’ 1.4666 0.02171 1003 647 244 112
168 Then she told a joke and I cracked up. 1.4662 0.02430 770 490 201 79
169 When there's a vaccine, I'll tell ya, bub. 1.4658 0.02338 994 677 171 146
170 Rocks? Dear God, no. 1.4644 0.02110 984 620 271 93
171 It breaks me up—all the institutions that used to prop me up are crumbling. Nobody understands how hard it is to be so thin skinned while the world shifts around you. 1.4610 0.02330 948 637 185 126
172 "Her name?.......Karen. That's all I'm going to say." 1.4609 0.02349 933 627 182 124
173 No, no, no. Scotch...tape. 1.4600 0.02221 937 606 231 100
174 Make that a triple. He lied about being a king, he lied about having horses, and he's fired all of his men and can't put a damn thing back together again. 1.4599 0.02665 711 475 145 91
175 Like I needed ANOTHER reason to not support The Wall 1.4599 0.02300 922 608 204 110
176 Nothing against horses, but surgery is not their forte. 1.4584 0.02242 901 580 229 92
177 Good thing I was hard boiled. 1.4576 0.02195 909 578 244 86
178 Sooo, I said, “All eggs won’t matter unless Brown eggs matter....” 1.4573 0.02377 879 586 184 109
179 ...should've let Baldwin have the parking space... 1.4573 0.02392 890 599 175 116
180 It won't put me back together but it'll take the edge off 1.4567 0.02266 900 585 219 96
181 So much for wanting to come out of my shell... 1.4564 0.02232 894 574 232 88
182 Put it on my tab, I’m broke. 1.4553 0.02363 861 569 192 100
183 I found out I was not covered for acts of gravity 1.4538 0.03058 498 326 118 54
184 Ironically, they used a new glue made from the king's horses. 1.4532 0.02453 759 494 186 79
185 You can't just sit on a wall these days; you gotta take sides. 1.4526 0.02352 855 564 195 96
186 Why not? Today is my expiration date.” 1.4524 0.02282 851 549 219 83
187 Would you believe I got laid last night? 1.4520 0.02388 843 560 185 98
188 ...right in the huevos rancheros, if ya know what I mean." 1.4514 0.02386 844 561 185 98
189 It sure is lucky that they just banned the yolk hold... 1.4502 0.02417 804 531 184 89
190 How was I to know the wall was built by a Trump crony contractor? 1.4502 0.03024 542 365 110 67
191 Well, they egged me on . . . and I cracked. 1.4493 0.02390 819 541 188 90
192 These guys approached me - then... Oeuf! 1.4475 0.02425 791 523 182 86
193 On top of that, the doctor says I’m high in cholesterol. 1.4472 0.02427 796 528 180 88
194 I'll tell ya, Joe, they better knock down that damn wall because the Dumpty family has had enough." 1.4465 0.02396 795 523 189 83
195 Finally - someone in this kingdom who can do their job. 1.4464 0.02394 793 521 190 82
196 I said “you crack me up” and he took it literally! 1.4459 0.02315 785 503 214 68
197 C'mon, honey, sit here on the wall with me" she said. And then she dumped me 1.4455 0.02460 770 511 175 84
198 It's time to defund the King's men. 1.4452 0.02462 766 508 175 83
199 Spring and summer 2020 have been rough, but I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.4450 0.02328 782 503 210 69
200 I fell off a wall, not a barstool. Keep pouring! 1.4443 0.02475 772 516 169 87
201 All I said was “Egg Lives Matter” and everyone started beating on me! 1.4436 0.02477 771 516 168 87
202 The name’s Bennedict. Eggs Bennedict. 1.4431 0.02505 765 515 161 89
203 ...but I saved the lives of eleven of my friends. 1.4427 0.02580 646 419 168 59
204 I did have a great fall, actually. But spring and summer sucked. 1.4426 0.02490 662 423 185 54
205 I called the officer a chicken as a form of respect. 1.4421 0.03677 337 223 79 35
206 There’s no way I can survive another 4 years of this! 1.4419 0.03101 482 321 109 52
207 Humpty's my brother. I'm Trumpty, and I've had a big fall 1.4407 0.02583 742 507 143 92
208 I told them I wouldn't crack. 1.4405 0.02405 740 481 192 67
209 You're thinking of my brother. I fell off the wagon. 1.4405 0.02488 740 492 170 78
210 Fell off a wall? So is that what the cops are saying, huh? 1.4404 0.02425 738 482 187 69
211 I remember when the "Which came first question" was a friendly debate. 1.4401 0.02396 734 475 195 64
212 I was lucky. Poachers got all my friends. 1.4398 0.02500 723 479 170 74
213 Unfortunately all the King’s horses and all the King’s men are out of network in my insurance plan. 1.4388 0.02482 727 481 173 73
214 Don't know why they thought the king's horses could help... 1.4385 0.02548 716 480 158 78
215 Make it a double, I'm poached! 1.4385 0.02445 723 473 183 67
216 I'm trying to remember what happened, but it's all scrambled. 1.4383 0.02434 721 470 186 65
217 Man, if you have a problem in this town, don't go to the King's men to help you. 1.4383 0.02410 721 467 192 62
218 Can you believe it? She dropped me just like that. 1.4379 0.02482 708 465 176 67
219 When you build walls to that extent, you’re going to find more falls, you’re going to find more cases of falls. So I said to my people: slow the building down, please! If we didn’t build walls, we would have very few falls. 1.4374 0.02689 711 495 121 95
220 Horses? Seriously? 1.4367 0.03320 371 239 102 30
221 If my wife asks you, don't tell her I was in a bar fight. I'm going to tell her I just fell off a wall or something 1.4362 0.02493 697 458 174 65
222 I guess you could say I went over easy. 1.4357 0.02534 700 465 163 71
223 In hindsight, that hard boiling was the best thing that ever happened to me... 1.4357 0.02393 700 449 197 54
224 If I’m back together, why do I still feel so broken inside? 1.4350 0.02480 692 453 177 62
225 I might as well. I've already fallen off the wagon. 1.4350 0.04203 246 162 61 23
226 You just can't have a civil discussion with a chicken any more about which of us came first. 1.4348 0.02587 683 458 153 72
227 It wasn't the fall - it was the landing. 1.4346 0.02905 520 344 126 50
228 This time it was really bad, I fell onto the United States side. 1.4346 0.02507 688 453 171 64
229 My life's all rhyme, no reason. 1.4324 0.02909 525 350 123 52
230 .....she humped me and dumped me... 1.4322 0.02637 671 455 142 74
231 Everyone thinks I’m this Humpty Dumpty guy, I guess we all look the same to you people. 1.4320 0.02566 669 445 159 65
232 I said, "you crack me up." And he did. 1.4318 0.02580 667 445 156 66
233 Why send horses? How about "all the king's doctors"? 1.4316 0.02478 665 432 179 54
234 It's not safe for me out there - poachers everywhere. 1.4316 0.02646 665 451 141 73
235 Have I mentioned before that I hate Easter Break? 1.4310 0.02604 652 435 153 64
236 The injuries from the fall were bad enough but when I went in for treatment they found my cholesterol was off the charts. 1.4307 0.02614 664 447 148 69
237 Why the hell did they send horses? 1.4307 0.02666 664 453 136 75
238 She dumptied me. 1.4307 0.02588 664 444 154 66
239 Being an egg is not all that it is cracked up to be. 1.4299 0.02663 656 446 138 72
240 I admit it! I thought I was such a tough egg but I cracked under pressure. 1.4294 0.02576 652 433 158 61
241 So then I said, "yeah, the dress makes you look big in the middle." 1.4290 0.02669 648 440 138 70
242 Yeah, so getting laid isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. 1.4286 0.02739 637 438 125 74
243 Who would’ve thought “separate the whites” would be so triggering 1.4283 0.02776 642 447 115 80
244 And in that brief moment as I hit the ground I swear I saw a dish running away with a spoon. 1.4283 0.02605 642 428 153 61
245 All I said was: 'Of course I had to be first!' and that chicken went ballistic on me. 1.4275 0.02804 552 368 132 52
246 He called my father a chicken. 1.4273 0.02799 550 365 133 51
247 I don’t think I can survive another St. Patrick’s weekend. 1.4270 0.02845 637 451 100 86
248 They said, 'Let's make an omelette." I said, "Sure, count me in." 1.4270 0.02612 623 413 154 56
249 The fox was like, 'We're gonna make this henhouse great again.' 1.4268 0.02613 642 430 150 62
250 I wanted to fight back, but I guess I'm just chicken on the inside. 1.4268 0.02567 635 422 157 56
251 Can you call the King’s women? 1.4264 0.02849 530 353 128 49
252 He’s like, ‘Sometimes you have to break a few eggs,’ and I’m like, ummm, no you don’t. 1.4250 0.02734 600 406 133 61
253 I was just trying to get laid again 1.4246 0.02669 617 415 142 60
254 Turns out that all the king's horses and all the king's men don't know squat about medicine. 1.4233 0.02651 593 393 149 51
255 I mean men, sure, but horses? 1.4229 0.02672 603 404 143 56
256 It all started when I rolled out of bed this morning. 1.4228 0.02790 518 339 137 41
257 Here I sit, Jimmy, reduced to a metaphor. 1.4217 0.02597 600 395 157 48
258 First the wall, and now the wagon. 1.4214 0.02769 598 410 124 64
259 Horses! I mean, whose idea was that? 1.4208 0.02625 587 387 152 47
260 I thought the story was a metaphor or something. Who knew gravity was science based? 1.4201 0.02783 588 402 123 62
261 I know he's known for shoddy construction, but how to you mess up a wall? 1.4195 0.02807 584 402 119 63
262 I'm broke 1.4192 0.02717 582 392 136 54
263 You always read about it, but you never think it’ll happen to you 1.4190 0.02724 580 391 135 54
264 When did all the kings horses and all the kings men start using teargas? 1.4190 0.02831 580 401 115 64
265 They'll never put me together again emotionally. 1.4187 0.02630 578 381 152 45
266 Telling her I felt hen-pecked was probably a mistake 1.4180 0.02791 567 386 125 56
267 Couple more years n' I'm moving to Ham Springs 1.4177 0.03034 565 407 80 78
268 I gotta get myself back together again... 1.4177 0.02667 577 384 145 48
269 My wife says I come here to get coddled. 1.4177 0.02723 577 389 135 53
270 The safe word. Always remember the safe word. 1.4177 0.02879 498 332 124 42
271 My therapist keeps telling me to look on the sunny side. 1.4176 0.02776 510 335 137 38
272 Well that didn't go over easy. 1.4174 0.02650 575 380 148 46
273 Ironically, my cholesterol is fine. 1.4174 0.02650 575 381 148 46
274 Better not have another. I'm really starting to come out of my shell. 1.4174 0.02707 575 386 138 51
275 And we'll continue to protest until we are ALL cage free! 1.4174 0.02762 575 391 128 56
276 Yeah, I fell off the wall. Now I'm falling off the wagon. 1.4165 0.02761 569 386 129 54
277 So that's why I'm not a fan of brunch. 1.4164 0.03916 293 201 62 30
278 If you crack an omelette joke, I'm leaving. 1.4162 0.02790 567 387 124 56
279 That's your advice? 'Keep your sunny-side up'? 1.4155 0.02818 556 380 121 55
280 So, there I was, just sitting on the wall with no mask... 1.4147 0.02744 557 375 133 49
281 Walls: can't stay off 'em, can't stay on 'em. 1.4144 0.02832 555 381 118 56
282 I told her not to put us all in one basket. 1.4135 0.02843 549 377 117 55
283 30 years on that wall, but one fall and that’s all they want to write about. 1.4135 0.02831 549 376 119 54
284 Who knew the egg toss game would be so competitive? 1.4132 0.02779 547 370 128 49
285 Did you ever notice that the nursery rhyme never actually mentions that I'm an egg? 1.4124 0.02875 531 364 115 52
286 And my insurance company claims the fall was due to a pre-existing condition. 1.4122 0.02873 541 373 113 55
287 One more Harvey Wallbanger please. 1.4119 0.02807 539 366 124 49
288 What I wouldn't give to be Faberge, they know how to live 1.4113 0.02916 530 367 108 55
289 Shell shocked? You think that's funny? 1.4112 0.02810 535 363 124 48
290 Better make that a double. I've had a great fall. 1.4110 0.04270 236 161 53 22
291 They caught the guy. He being charged as an eggbeater. 1.4106 0.02882 526 361 114 51
292 Just between you and me Frank, I didn't fall off the wagon. 1.4101 0.02711 534 355 139 40
293 Yeah, this is what it looks like when you put it back together again 1.4101 0.02775 534 360 129 45
294 All the king’s horses and men won’t do jack if you’re uninsured 1.4101 0.02923 534 372 105 57
295 No, I'm Humpty Dumpty's stunt double. 1.4087 0.02955 526 368 101 57
296 Despite what you may have heard, horses are not particularly good at putting things back together again. 1.4084 0.02772 524 352 130 42
297 Considering the year we've had, my day has been fine. 1.4081 0.03252 419 290 87 42
298 Believe it or not, this is a fairy tale ending. 1.4080 0.02909 522 361 109 52
299 I said to her "You really crack me up" ... and she did 1.4080 0.02832 522 355 121 46
300 Even the King's horses and King's men were taking only telehealth clients. 1.4080 0.02779 522 351 129 42
301 Frankly I don't think all the king's horses were trying that hard. 1.4073 0.02692 518 358 114 45
302 I must confess, sitting on that wall was an appalling act of hubris. 1.4067 0.02903 504 345 113 46
303 I just want to feel whole again. 1.4062 0.02982 448 301 112 35
304 All the king's men don't take my insurance. 1.4059 0.02904 510 351 111 48
305 I was overtaken by poachers. 1.4055 0.02790 508 341 128 39
306 Damn, that chicken really wanted to be first. 1.4043 0.03048 423 284 107 32
307 I don't know how they thought the horses would help. 1.4040 0.02925 495 340 110 45
308 I tell ya, Sam, being a hard-boiled detective ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.4040 0.02945 500 346 106 48
309 „Ever been through a break up yourself?“ 1.4040 0.02876 500 341 116 43
310 Chicken made clear she was first 1.4040 0.02904 500 343 112 45
311 That wall turned out to be no more stable than the “genius” that built it. 1.4040 0.02959 500 347 104 49
312 Give me anything that'll get me plastered. 1.4040 0.02798 500 353 99 48
313 Never start an existential debate with an angry chicken. 1.4037 0.02905 493 337 113 43
314 Thank goodness for the King’s women. 1.4037 0.02891 493 336 115 42
315 I cracked under pressure 1.4036 0.02926 498 343 109 46
316 It started as a peaceful Brown Eggs Matter rally, then all the King’s horses and all the King’s men showed up. 1.4036 0.03126 498 358 79 61
317 Great big beautiful wall my ass 1.4032 0.03043 496 350 92 54
318 I feel like I'm becoming just a cliché to some people. 1.4032 0.02758 501 334 132 35
319 Yes, I dream of a world without walls. 1.4031 0.03304 387 266 86 35
320 It was all over in 3 minutes. 1.4028 0.02857 494 335 119 40
321 Apparently being an egg is a pre-existing condition. 1.4022 0.03185 363 240 100 23
322 Don’t even start about that Wall 1.4020 0.03056 490 346 91 53
323 All I said was, "Who's paying for this wall? 1.4020 0.02959 490 339 105 46
324 ‘Come out of your shell’, they all said!” 1.4020 0.03078 398 265 106 27
325 Come on, get real. Do I look like a Cadbury to you? 1.4016 0.02861 493 335 118 40
326 You should see the other guy. Boy, does he have egg on his face. 1.4012 0.02933 486 334 109 43
327 You must have heard my story a hundred times. 1.4005 0.03081 437 300 99 38
328 Yeah, and to make matters worse I have high cholesterol 1.4004 0.02972 477 329 105 43
329 Who was the genius who sent the king’s horses? 1.4004 0.02927 477 326 111 40
330 I like to think I drink because I fall, not fall because I drink. 1.4000 0.02929 480 329 110 41
331 Didn't expect to crack like this, but the isolation drove me up the wall. 1.4000 0.03045 480 337 94 49
332 All the king's gin, please. 1.3992 0.02898 471 322 111 38
333 I'm not such a bad egg, just a little broke right now. 1.3987 0.02899 469 318 115 36
334 Just water, thanks, I’m broke 1.3983 0.02886 472 320 116 36
335 A Harvey Wallbanger? Seriously? 1.3983 0.03008 472 328 100 44
336 Just enough to kill the pain without impairing my sense of balance. 1.3979 0.03256 377 257 90 30
337 Starring in a nursery rhyme is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.3974 0.03071 468 329 92 47
338 I mean, what does "back together" even mean anymore? 1.3970 0.02879 466 315 117 34
339 ...I sure hope the Dish and the Spoon made a clean getaway. 1.3970 0.02942 466 319 109 38
340 The King's horses and men couldn't do a thing but then up strolls a guy with duct tape. 1.3969 0.03001 446 305 105 36
341 Ah, the King's horses...they were the worst. 1.3968 0.03422 310 206 85 19
342 It was less of a wall and more of a wagon 1.3957 0.02804 460 306 126 28
343 All the King's horses and all the King's men aren't all they're cracked up to be 1.3957 0.02952 460 315 108 37
344 He came at me like the edge of a mixing bowl. 1.3957 0.03108 460 325 88 47
345 Would it kill you to lower the stools? 1.3957 0.03031 460 320 98 42
346 All I said was egg yokes matter. 1.3955 0.03361 402 286 73 43
347 Wall, wagon, whatever. 1.3952 0.03072 458 321 93 44
348 FINALLY they called in the King's women and put me back together again. I mean, what took so long? 1.3952 0.03087 458 322 91 45
349 You should see my iPhone screen 1.3947 0.02986 456 314 104 38
350 It wasn't just a ramp. It was the steepest and most slippery ramp the world has ever seen. 1.3947 0.03219 456 329 74 52
351 Another Wallbanger, Harvey. 1.3947 0.02986 456 314 104 38
352 I got off lucky; the other guy broke his crown. 1.3947 0.02969 456 313 106 37
353 Worst ten minutes of my life. I timed it. 1.3947 0.02969 456 313 106 37
354 Build the wall, they said, Make America Great Again, they said... 1.3938 0.03254 452 327 70 54
355 He assured me Mexico would pay. 1.3938 0.03084 452 317 92 43
356 Of course, I fell off the wagon first. 1.3938 0.03036 452 314 98 40
357 Stirred please, I am already shaken. 1.3938 0.03004 452 312 102 38
358 When did these stools get so high? 1.3938 0.03116 452 319 88 45
359 What they never tell you is that it takes seven to ten business days for all the kings men to process your request to be put back together again. 1.3938 0.02954 452 309 108 35
360 I tell ya, if I wasn't for the fact that I'm hard-boiled, things could have gotten real messy out there. 1.3938 0.03068 452 316 94 42
361 Well, it could have been worse -- what if I had been brown? 1.3933 0.03094 450 315 91 43
362 I had a great Fall, but the spring and summer have been a nightmare! 1.3929 0.03087 448 314 92 42
363 I think I've finally reached my breaking point. 1.3929 0.03055 448 312 96 40
364 Eggestential crisis today. And you? 1.3929 0.03055 448 312 96 40
365 and on top of all this I keep hearing this strange peeping sound. 1.3919 0.03057 444 309 96 39
366 Let me give you a tip about Wall St. Don't sit on it. 1.3914 0.03050 442 307 97 38
367 Those brown eggs were right about the cops. 1.3913 0.04420 207 143 47 17
368 No, my name is Carl. I get that a lot though. 1.3904 0.02965 438 299 107 32
369 Now I just want to be pickled. 1.3900 0.03053 441 307 96 38
370 Before this my toughest gig had been the This Is Your Brain on Drugs PSA. 1.3897 0.03479 349 245 72 32
371 When all the King's horses and all the King's men can't put you back together again, it makes you wonder where all your tax dollars are going. 1.3884 0.03108 430 301 91 38
372 I fell off a wall and then got trampled by a bunch of idiots on horses. 1.3873 0.03056 426 295 97 34
373 C'mon, Humpty. Sit on the wall, they said. What could go wrong, they said. 1.3868 0.03084 424 295 94 35
374 I'm going through a break-up 1.3863 0.03057 422 292 97 33
375 Why would they send horses? 1.3861 0.03247 417 298 77 42
376 It's not the fall, it's the co-pay. 1.3857 0.03067 420 291 96 33
377 I really need to get plastered. 1.3852 0.02793 418 286 104 26
378 Shouldn't you be wearing a mask? 1.3844 0.03094 411 285 94 32
379 Actually, I was fine until all the king's horses showed up 1.3844 0.03074 411 284 96 31
380 No one believes me, but I was actually going up the hill to fetch a pail of water. 1.3841 0.03134 414 290 89 35
381 No, I’m John. Humpty didn’t make it. Doesn’t anybody read anymore? 1.3833 0.03247 407 290 78 39
382 I came first, but try telling a chick that. 1.3832 0.03226 394 277 83 34
383 ...so all I said is “I really think us eggs came first” and the chicken went ballistic 1.3829 0.03284 410 295 73 42
384 The horses just made things worse 1.3827 0.03124 405 282 91 32
385 I’m trying hard to look at the sunny side of things. 1.3825 0.03071 400 275 97 28
386 Sure, fine, but where were all the King’s doctors? 1.3825 0.03171 400 280 87 33
387 Lately, I've been feeling so...fragile. 1.3825 0.03814 251 171 64 16
388 What’s up with recipe books telling people to beat the eggs 1.3824 0.03146 408 286 88 34
389 By any chance, you wouldn't have a shorter barstool? 1.3821 0.03154 403 282 88 33
390 The doctors gave me three minutes, and then I'm done. 1.3819 0.03241 398 282 80 36
391 I fell on hard times 1.3818 0.03078 406 281 95 30
392 Trust me, Mexico is going to pay for this. 1.3818 0.03251 406 290 77 39
393 Sure, they put me back together - but you never hear about the crippling medical debt that followed. 1.3818 0.03118 406 283 91 32
394 And then this chicken came out of nowhere, pushed me off the wall, and said, "I was here first!" 1.3818 0.03289 406 292 73 41
395 How come the brown eggs get to say it and I can’t? 1.3818 0.03886 296 214 51 31
396 I suppose sitting on this barstool is not such a good idea either. 1.3815 0.03085 401 277 94 29
397 I'll have a wall banger. 1.3813 0.03872 257 178 60 19
398 Dammit, Jim, don’t coddle me. 1.3812 0.03128 404 282 90 32
399 Seriously, they asked "all the king's horses" to put me back together. It thought it was just a sick joke, but it turns out to be the long awaited Republican replacement plan for Obamacare. 1.3812 0.03263 404 289 76 39
400 Well, I’ve certainly learned my lesson. Next time I’ll wear a mask at Whole Foods. 1.3806 0.03274 402 288 75 39
401 A wall? No, I fell off the wagon. 1.3806 0.03138 402 281 89 32
402 I was up on my wall as usual, then I was mistaken for a confederate monument. 1.3806 0.03178 402 283 85 34
403 Its not over and it hasn't been easy 1.3806 0.03216 402 285 81 36
404 I didn’t scramble fast enough. 1.3806 0.02934 402 271 109 22
405 Pour me one, I fell off the wagon. 1.3800 0.03208 400 283 82 35
406 And now look at me...alone at a bar. The shell of a man. 1.3800 0.03169 400 281 86 33
407 Turns out they could put me back together again. I'm just not sure how I feel about it. 1.3800 0.02985 400 272 104 24
408 I guess you could say I fell off the wagon. 1.3800 0.03188 400 282 84 34
409 Put this on the King’s tab. 1.3794 0.03119 398 277 91 30
410 Close call. I thought she wanted to merengue. 1.3794 0.03139 398 278 89 31
411 You think I'm cracked, look at your president! 1.3794 0.03277 398 285 75 38
412 Fall, my ass. I was pushed. 1.3788 0.03170 396 278 86 32
413 I prefer to call it a tremendous fall. 1.3785 0.03219 391 276 82 33
414 Some guy yells “you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs” and the next thing I know two pieces of toast jump me. 1.3785 0.03319 391 281 72 38
415 Ever feel like something inside you is fighting to get out? 1.3785 0.03299 391 280 74 37
416 And then they started throwing rotten comedians at me 1.3785 0.03198 391 275 84 32
417 No, I didn’t put up a fight. Deep down inside I think I’m just a chicken. 1.3782 0.03261 394 281 77 36
418 Whip me, beat me, eat me." I'm never using that pickup line again 1.3782 0.03300 394 283 73 38
419 Build the wall, they said. 1.3779 0.03409 389 284 63 42
420 You should have seen the other guy.....he was toast! 1.3779 0.03271 389 277 77 35
421 The vegans are meaner than they look 1.3776 0.03252 392 279 78 35
422 So long story short, I’m just a shell of who I used to be. 1.3773 0.03302 387 277 74 36
423 I feel rotten. 1.3760 0.03157 383 267 88 28
424 That’s what the King’s men said, but if their body-cams worked you’d see the fall didn’t do this. 1.3753 0.03254 381 270 79 32
425 Compared to 2020, this isn't so bad. 1.3753 0.03296 381 272 75 34
426 A few put me together again - the rest were live streaming it. 1.3753 0.03190 381 267 85 29
427 Ironically, the doctor says I have low cholesterol. 1.3753 0.03254 381 270 79 32
428 At this rate I'll be eggnog by Christmas. 1.3747 0.03287 379 270 76 33
429 And you tell me what the hell were all those horses supposed to do? 1.3747 0.03223 379 267 82 30
430 And on top of everything else, it's considered a pre-existing condition. 1.3747 0.03329 379 272 72 35
431 Couldn't you get at least one stool that has a back? 1.3747 0.03113 379 262 92 25
432 And my insurance is arguing “pre-eggisting condition”! 1.3747 0.03308 379 270 74 34
433 It was the wagon. Not a wall. 1.3747 0.03266 379 269 78 32
434 All I said was, ALL eggs matter! 1.3740 0.03299 377 269 75 33
435 Make it a double. I just broke up. 1.3740 0.03445 377 276 61 40
436 Come to think of it, I have no idea what the horses were even doing there. 1.3740 0.03234 377 266 81 30
437 Might as well fall off the wagon. 1.3733 0.03354 375 270 70 35
438 Horses! They sent horses to help me, I’m lucky I wasn’t trampled to death 1.3733 0.03246 375 265 80 30
439 I was once next in line on Faberge's workbench. 1.3733 0.03224 375 264 82 29
440 I should have never listened to that deviled egg..." 1.3733 0.03156 375 261 88 26
441 Don’t ever tell a chicken that you came first. 1.3733 0.03354 375 270 70 35
442 I don't get it, Charlie. Getting laid was supposed to come naturally. 1.3727 0.03323 373 267 73 33
443 But who puts me back together on the inside? 1.3727 0.03190 373 261 85 27
444 It gets worse, then all the King’s horses showed up. 1.3720 0.03269 371 263 77 29
445 –Then the chicken said 'I know who's gonna go first'... 1.3720 0.03291 371 264 76 31
446 First day on the job, all I said was "let's get crackin" but I guess they took it literally 1.3720 0.03155 371 258 88 25
447 They said it'd be over easy. 1.3720 0.03378 371 268 68 35
448 After all the king's horses and all the king's men, the duct tape finally arrived. 1.3717 0.03250 374 265 79 30
449 I got off easy. You should see the Brown eggs. 1.3713 0.03281 369 262 77 30
450 And this motherfucker sends his HORSES to put me back together? HORSES! They don't even have opposable thumbs. HOOVES, Greg. They have hooves. You ever had someone with hooves try to piece you together? Well, I don't recommend it... Leave the bottle. 1.3713 0.03347 369 265 71 33
451 All the comfort I need is knowing all the king's horses and all the king's men now have salmonella. 1.3713 0.03281 369 262 77 30
452 I know, it's not about the fall, it's the journey. 1.3708 0.03317 356 252 76 28
453 The rhyme leaves out this part. 1.3705 0.03274 359 253 79 27
454 He sends horses to fix this. Horses! Who's advising this guy? 1.3705 0.03367 359 257 71 31
455 And then he said “You’ll have a much better view if you sit on the wall.” 1.3697 0.03139 357 246 90 21
456 Those King's men pushed me off the wall again- but this time I got video! 1.3691 0.03339 363 260 72 31
457 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t get me to live 2020 again. 1.3684 0.03306 361 257 75 29
458 No, I didn't fall. I asked a guy why he was still dumb enough to be a Trumper, and he pushed me off the wall. 1.3684 0.03465 361 264 61 36
459 I got a fifty with your name on it if you keep your mouth shut. I told the wife I fell off a wall. 1.3684 0.03259 361 255 78 27
460 I just don’t get why they sent horses. 1.3684 0.03163 361 251 87 23
461 Her tinder said vegan, she's still transitioning. 1.3682 0.04054 220 153 53 14
462 Put it on the King's tab. 1.3677 0.03341 359 257 72 30
463 I don't know that I'd call it 'great.' 1.3677 0.03223 359 252 82 25
464 If all the king's men should call, I'm not here. 1.3677 0.03318 359 256 74 29
465 Spring and summer were okay, but I had a very bad fall. 1.3677 0.03294 359 255 76 28
466 Honest to God Harry, I was siiting on the wall and all I said was "Eggs Matter Too" 1.3672 0.03374 354 254 70 30
467 These days I stay away from the top shelf. 1.3669 0.03330 357 255 73 29
468 Full disclosure, I'm not that stable on stools, either. 1.3669 0.03110 357 246 91 20
469 They kept calling me Benedict... 1.3669 0.03423 357 259 65 33
470 I don't get it, you'd think that if I could sit on a bar stool, I could sit on a wall. 1.3669 0.03469 357 261 61 35
471 What makes you think I tip a lot? 1.3669 0.03210 357 250 83 24
472 To top it all off my cholesterol is through the roof! 1.3669 0.03234 357 251 81 25
473 For a minute there I though it was all ova. 1.3665 0.03504 352 258 59 35
474 I was in a Chinese restaurant. Of course I said yes to an egg roll. 1.3665 0.03314 352 250 75 27
475 If a king's horse ever offers to put you together again, pass. 1.3655 0.03406 342 245 69 28
476 My insurance covers the yolk, but not the shell. 1.3652 0.03816 282 204 53 25
477 I think it’s finally time that I face my white fragility 1.3649 0.03413 348 251 67 30
478 It’s tough being a nest egg in this economy. 1.3649 0.03461 348 253 63 32
479 I've got to get myself together. 1.3649 0.03289 348 248 74 26
480 Make it a double; I’m still shell shocked. 1.3649 0.03437 348 252 65 31
481 You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find a bar that serves breakfast all day. 1.3649 0.03389 348 250 69 29
482 Over easy, my ass. 1.3642 0.03499 346 253 60 33
483 All I said to her was “You crack me up!!” I didn’t mean it literally!!! 1.3642 0.03402 346 249 68 29
484 And of course my insurance denied the claim for the King’s horses. 1.3634 0.03314 344 244 75 25
485 On second thought, I better not—I’ve been having some balance issues. 1.3634 0.03130 344 237 89 18
486 What was I supposed to do? They called my mother a big chicken. 1.3634 0.03415 344 248 67 29
487 No, not the bourbon -- I'm a scotch egg 1.3634 0.03390 344 247 69 28
488 ...and the irony is, I actually voted to build that wall. 1.3634 0.03314 344 244 75 25
489 Sit on the wall" they said. "What could happen?" they said 1.3631 0.03336 325 228 76 21
490 No, this time it was a wagon. 1.3626 0.03378 342 245 70 27
491 I misunderstood when they said they wanted me for brunch. 1.3626 0.03527 342 251 58 33
492 Falling off the wagon’s not the worst thing I’ve done lately. 1.3626 0.03378 342 245 70 27
493 Got in another fight with a chick saying she came first. 1.3626 0.03428 342 247 66 29
494 Thirsty? I'm poached. 1.3626 0.03326 342 243 74 25
495 Just put it on the king's tab. 1.3626 0.03378 342 245 70 27
496 ...so after all the men tried, the king thought he’d let the horses give it a shot. 1.3623 0.03431 345 250 65 30
497 Eventually, all the Queen's women figured it out. 1.3623 0.03431 345 250 65 30
498 They seem all peaceful, but lemme tell you, those vegans can be vicious! 1.3623 0.03406 345 249 67 29
499 Turns out it was the co-pay, not the fall, that would break me. 1.3618 0.03206 340 237 83 20
500 With the mess summer's been, I better have a great fall. 1.3618 0.03416 340 245 67 28
501 First the wall, then the wagon 1.3618 0.03220 340 245 70 25
502 Everyone wants to talk about my great fall, but nobody remembers my meteoric rise. 1.3618 0.03247 340 241 76 23
503 Not too much, I don''t want to get fried. 1.3618 0.03206 340 237 83 20
504 Personally, I'm against building the wall. 1.3617 0.03811 282 205 52 25
505 The horses didn't really help. 1.3615 0.03369 343 246 70 27
506 My therapist thinks I was coddled too much as a child. 1.3609 0.03245 338 237 80 21
507 I just want to get fried. 1.3609 0.03378 338 242 70 26
508 What moron sends horses to fix a broken egg? 1.3609 0.03429 338 244 66 28
509 This wouldn't have happened if some idiot hadn't built that damn wall. 1.3609 0.03530 338 248 58 32
510 Nah, she’s a deviled egg for sure, but I can’t get enough of her! 1.3609 0.03245 338 237 80 21
511 I'm just not cut out for this Free Range life 1.3607 0.03357 341 244 71 26
512 Well frankly the king’s horses weren’t any help. 1.3607 0.03572 305 219 62 24
513 And I was just beginning to break out of my shell. 1.3601 0.03284 336 237 77 22
514 Better make it a double - I just got laid and already I’m shell shocked! 1.3601 0.03545 336 247 57 32
515 A double Sam, I fell off the wagon and the wall 1.3601 0.03284 336 237 77 22
516 I’ll take it shaken or stirred. Just not scrambled, ok? 1.3601 0.03519 336 246 59 31
517 Any chance you have a shorter bar stool? 1.3597 0.03557 303 217 63 23
518 I fell off the wagon. 1.3593 0.03430 334 241 66 27
519 When she asked me if I wanted to stay for breakfast I should have known something was fishy. 1.3593 0.03457 334 242 64 28
520 If I fall off this bar stool, for God’s sake, don’t call the King’s horses and men. 1.3593 0.03430 334 241 66 27
521 I was just sitting until border patrol thought I was trying to scale it 1.3593 0.03404 334 240 68 26
522 I don't know whose idea it was to involve the horses. 1.3591 0.03470 298 210 69 19
523 He egged me on! 1.3587 0.03274 329 231 78 20
524 And, honestly, I think the horses did more harm than good. 1.3587 0.03159 329 227 86 16
525 Make it all the King's whiskey. 1.3587 0.03467 329 238 64 27
526 You try walking down a ramp in leather shoes. 1.3587 0.03467 329 238 64 27
527 Ends up all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of network. 1.3587 0.03385 329 235 70 24
528 I'm screwed. Pre-egg-sisting conditions. 1.3587 0.03467 329 238 64 27
529 You know, in hindsight, the horses may have been doing more harm than good... 1.3584 0.03418 332 239 67 26
530 When was the last time you got smashed? 1.3584 0.03337 332 236 73 23
531 I shouldn't have sat on Wall Street 1.3584 0.03496 332 242 61 29
532 Straight up, no rocks. 1.3583 0.04454 187 133 41 13
533 Turns out, horses have very little dexterity. 1.3581 0.03677 296 215 56 25
534 No, Humpty was my idiot brother. I was trampled by three blind mice. 1.3578 0.03639 327 243 51 33
535 Not whiskey, please. Actually, nothing with a whisk. 1.3578 0.03343 327 232 73 22
536 ...and that wasn't the worst of it. After the King's men failed and gave up, the King's horses thought they'd give it a try. 1.3576 0.03377 330 236 70 24
537 The world has changed so much. I just can’t pull myself together this time. 1.3576 0.03431 330 238 66 26
538 it was bad luck, I fell on the U.S. side 1.3560 0.03398 323 231 69 23
539 Turns out the chicken does come first. 1.3560 0.03369 323 230 71 22
540 At least the men knew what they were doing. But the horses... the horses... 1.3560 0.03481 323 234 63 26
541 Just pour. You’ve heard my story a thousand times. 1.3560 0.03282 323 227 77 19
542 I mean I knew to expect a beating at some point. 1.3560 0.03340 323 228 73 21
543 Feels like a good time to fall off the wagon too. 1.3560 0.03454 323 233 65 25
544 I thought working from home would be safer 1.3551 0.03295 321 229 67 20
545 The report from all the king’s men listed my injuries as “none” 1.3551 0.03496 321 233 62 26
546 My insurance barely covers one of the kings horses and kings men, let alone all of them. 1.3551 0.03439 321 231 66 24
547 They couldn't have sent paramedics instead of king's horses and king's men? 1.3551 0.03382 321 229 70 22
548 This will either make or break me 1.3551 0.03324 321 227 74 20
549 So I was just sittin' on a little wall near the White House when this clown decided he wanted to swear on his bible, and push came to shove. 1.3551 0.03712 321 241 46 34
550 Not too sure a shot is going to fix it Frank. I think the problem is these high stools. 1.3551 0.03411 321 230 68 23
551 You know, I'm starting to think that even all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put this country together again. 1.3551 0.03439 321 231 66 24
552 My life is such a mess and I'm not even born 1.3551 0.03324 321 227 74 20
553 Clumsy should be a pre-eggsisting condition 1.3542 0.03307 319 225 75 19
554 It was peaceful until they started arresting all the brown eggs. 1.3542 0.03396 319 228 69 22
555 I said to him, 'You crack me up' and he went ahead and did it. 1.3542 0.03510 319 232 61 26
556 Did they really expect the King's horses to help? 1.3540 0.03359 322 232 67 23
557 I was attacked by a family of poachers 1.3537 0.03425 311 222 68 21
558 Go sit on that wall and take a selfie," they told me 1.3533 0.03496 317 230 62 25
559 No more for me, thanks. I have a splitting headache. 1.3533 0.03496 317 230 62 25
560 The free-range lifestyle is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.3533 0.03320 317 224 74 19
561 It’s never just over easy, is it? 1.3532 0.03896 218 152 55 11
562 This free range hype just isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.3526 0.04395 190 136 41 13
563 The worst part is, some kid got it on video and now I'm trending on Tik Tok. 1.3524 0.03510 315 229 61 25
564 It was the same old argument but there were more chickens this time. 1.3524 0.03539 315 230 59 26
565 Thank god they couldn't find my neck. 1.3524 0.03510 315 229 61 25
566 Do you have nog? 1.3524 0.03539 315 230 59 26
567 The last thing I remember is ordering an egg roll. 1.3524 0.03393 315 225 69 21
568 I fell off the wagon today. 1.3524 0.03510 315 229 60 25
569 The girl that used to Hump-Me Dumped-Me 1.3523 0.04840 176 130 30 16
570 Chicken wanted to come first. This is the result. 1.3514 0.03205 313 228 60 22
571 Last time it was the wall, this time it's the wagon. 1.3514 0.03437 313 225 66 22
572 I'm lucky the paramedics got to me before the King's Men. 1.3514 0.03221 313 218 80 15
573 My girlfriend dropped me. 1.3514 0.03315 313 221 74 18
574 You’re not supposed to serve anyone who’s already smashed — 1.3514 0.03407 313 224 68 21
575 Forget the King's horses and men, it was the King's women who put me back together again! 1.3513 0.03827 279 206 48 25
576 Humpty. I just go by Humpty now. 1.3506 0.03286 308 216 76 16
577 I’ve fallen on hard times 1.3506 0.03594 308 226 56 26
578 All the king's horses and all the king's men have absolutely no medical credentials. 1.3506 0.03413 308 220 68 20
579 Mexico will pay for it 1.3506 0.03505 308 223 62 23
580 And then he sent his horses to try to put me back together again. His HORSES. 1.3506 0.03413 308 220 68 20
581 Fun fact: Horses don't have opposable thumbs. 1.3506 0.04129 231 169 43 19
582 I was just sitting on a wall at the 'white eggs matter' rally. 1.3506 0.03564 308 225 58 25
583 Pour me one for poor Humpty. He didn't make it back at all. 1.3506 0.03444 308 221 66 21
584 Pleez. . . no wise cracks 1.3506 0.03564 308 225 58 25
585 ...and now they say it's a pre-existing condition! 1.3506 0.03535 308 224 60 24
586 It’s all great right up to “Go ahead, we’ll catch you”! 1.3506 0.03413 308 220 68 20
587 Leave the bottle: I plan to get pickled. 1.3506 0.03681 308 229 50 29
588 Over easy, please. 1.3505 0.03510 311 226 61 24
589 The horses were a terrible idea. 1.3505 0.03420 311 222 67 21
590 Fell off a wall? That's Fake News. It was all the king's horses." 1.3505 0.03359 311 221 71 19
591 All I said was there are no eggs in egg creams. 1.3500 0.04791 160 115 34 11
592 I kept saying to them “un euof is un euof!!” 1.3497 0.03549 306 223 59 24
593 Off the wall, off the wagon, what's the difference? 1.3497 0.03639 306 226 53 27
594 Why did my mother cross the road? 1.3497 0.03609 306 225 55 26
595 The craziest part is when I woke up, there was a horse trying to glue me back together. 1.3495 0.03373 309 220 70 19
596 I'm telling you, the King's men are incompetent. 1.3495 0.03310 309 218 74 17
597 It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the horses. 1.3495 0.03147 309 213 84 12
598 ...and the worst part is, I’m still not fertilized! 1.3495 0.03434 309 222 66 21
599 Then, they let the horses try. 1.3493 0.03680 272 196 57 19
600 Yoga, actually. 1.3485 0.03510 307 223 61 23
601 Next thing I know I get a bill for $457,812! 1.3481 0.03690 293 216 52 25
602 Have you got something with a lot of calcium? 1.3481 0.03495 293 210 64 19
603 Unfortunately, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men don’t take my health insurance. 1.3477 0.03518 302 219 61 22
604 We are all a little broken 1.3477 0.03325 302 213 73 16
605 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Humpty Dumpty drank alcohol. All the bar's whiskey, and all the bar's gin, couldn't make Humpty feel better again. 1.3477 0.03641 302 223 53 26
606 All I said to the chick was, “I came first”! 1.3477 0.03486 302 218 63 21
607 My advice? Stay away from all the king's horses, all the king's men, and the police. 1.3477 0.03610 302 222 55 25
608 His lawyer claims I egged him on. 1.3477 0.03455 302 217 65 20
609 So then I said, 'I'll sit wherever I want', and that's the last thing I remember. 1.3477 0.03423 302 216 67 19
610 Believe me, nursery rhymes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. 1.3477 0.03325 302 213 73 16
611 I'm good for it, not broke yet. 1.3477 0.03455 302 217 65 20
612 Fake news, I was pushed. 1.3469 0.03451 294 210 66 18
613 I.D.? Give me a break! 1.3469 0.03551 294 213 60 21
614 I love her! She cracks me up every time. 1.3467 0.03595 300 220 56 24
615 Tuck and roll didn't work for me. 1.3467 0.03371 300 213 70 17
616 I need to get plastered. 1.3467 0.03437 300 215 66 19
617 No more top shelf for me. 1.3467 0.03501 300 217 62 21
618 It's not just sticks and stones—have you been on Twitter? 1.3467 0.03437 300 215 66 19
619 Is it normal to feel broken after getting laid? 1.3467 0.03437 300 215 66 19
620 And when I came to, all I could hear was someone reciting some stupid poem. 1.3467 0.03687 300 223 50 27
621 It was a cooking class... they were making mayonnaise. 1.3467 0.03404 300 214 68 18
622 Cut me off before I get fall-down drunk. 1.3467 0.03626 300 221 54 25
623 They kept passing me along from spoon to spoon and then let their nasty kids roll me through the grass..." 1.3467 0.03564 300 219 58 23
624 Six feet he says, schooch over he says... 1.3465 0.03508 303 220 61 22
625 Yes, I work on Wall Street. What's your point? 1.3465 0.03381 303 216 69 18
626 Make that a double . . . no, wait, make it a dozen. 1.3456 0.03351 298 211 71 16
627 Yes, I’ve fallen off the wagon. 1.3456 0.03451 298 214 65 19
628 Those horses...they came out of nowhere! 1.3447 0.03318 293 206 73 14
629 and now I'm just tryin' not to get fried in this pan-demic 1.3446 0.03432 296 212 66 18
630 There was a dozen of us. 1.3446 0.03531 296 215 60 21
631 Actually they did put me back together again.....then this happened from seeing the medical bill 1.3436 0.03604 291 213 56 22
632 And all the king’s horses just stood there and neighed. 1.3436 0.03470 291 209 64 18
633 Ya, I'm 21. 21 pieces. Pour the goddamn drink. 1.3436 0.03734 291 217 48 26
634 Make that a double shot of Elmer's! 1.3436 0.03571 291 212 58 21
635 No, not great. I fell off the wagon. 1.3436 0.03401 291 207 68 16
636 Neat. Don't even mention rocks!! 1.3436 0.03538 291 211 60 20
637 I didn’t fall off the wall. I walked around the end of it and tripped on a rock. 1.3436 0.03702 291 216 50 25
638 I swear if that's eggnog....." 1.3436 0.03538 291 211 60 20
639 All I said to her was 'Hey, Baby. Let's make an omelette together'. 1.3436 0.03571 291 212 58 21
640 It wasn't my two-handed drinking, it was my slippery leather soles. 1.3436 0.03702 291 216 50 25
641 I know, I know...I had a great fall. Just keep pouring. 1.3436 0.03366 291 206 70 15
642 Summer was good but then I had a bad fall. 1.3436 0.03538 291 211 60 20
643 I guess he found it œuf-fensive 1.3436 0.03571 291 212 58 21
644 I’ll never fall for that again. 1.3435 0.03674 294 218 51 25
645 Well... it's like an intense pecking... but from the inside! 1.3435 0.03562 294 217 54 23
646 It was all going so well until the horses started helping. 1.3435 0.03480 294 212 63 19
647 At least my Covid test came back negative 1.3426 0.03587 289 211 57 21
648 ... and i said 'all right, chicken, let's settle this matter once and for all'. 1.3426 0.03485 289 208 63 18
649 I tell ya, this cage free trend is no picnic. 1.3426 0.03620 289 212 55 22
650 Well, I kept egging him on. 1.3426 0.03485 289 208 63 18
651 Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. 1.3426 0.03783 289 217 45 27
652 No joke, she said, this one will really crack you up. 1.3426 0.03450 289 207 65 17
653 Do I have egg on my face? 1.3426 0.03653 289 213 53 23
654 Being hard boiled has its advantages after all. 1.3426 0.03380 289 205 69 15
655 So, I figure I might as well fall off the wagon too. 1.3426 0.03553 289 210 59 20
656 Sorry, we don’t serve food here. 1.3426 0.03783 289 217 45 27
657 I mean, have YOU seen a horse put an egg back together again? 1.3425 0.03594 292 214 56 22
658 Actually, it was the damned ramp going down from the wall that got me. 1.3425 0.03627 292 215 54 23
659 Fortunately, one of the king's men had superglue. 1.3425 0.03528 292 212 60 20
660 I hate Easter. 1.3425 0.03691 292 217 50 25
661 Who the hell asks horses to try to put an egg back together again? 1.3415 0.03595 284 207 57 20
662 No , you’re thinking of my cousin. I just went to a Trump rally. 1.3415 0.03560 284 206 59 19
663 I wasn't wearing a mask. 1.3415 0.03653 287 211 46 23
664 I’d tell you about it, but I’m saving it for my book. 1.3405 0.03673 279 205 53 21
665 I feel empty inside 1.3404 0.03515 285 206 61 18
666 I should have known that Trump's wall wouldn't be worth a damn. 1.3404 0.03550 285 207 59 19
667 Tear down the Wall" they said. Coulda looked up first 1.3404 0.03619 285 209 55 21
668 It wasn't a "great" fall but PR saw an opportunity and ran with it 1.3404 0.03550 285 207 59 19
669 To be honest, all the Kings horses made things worse 1.3403 0.03348 288 204 70 14
670 Make it a triple. I wanna get smashed all over again" 1.3401 0.04384 197 145 37 15
671 I had a great winter, spring, and summer, but then ... 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
672 And ever since I’ve just been a shell of my former self. 1.3392 0.03635 283 208 54 21
673 Make it neat. I had a bad experience on the rocks. 1.3392 0.03422 283 202 66 15
674 ....and then I found out that only some of the King's horses and none of the King's men were actually in network 1.3392 0.03494 283 204 62 17
675 Put it on Mexico’s tab. 1.3392 0.03770 283 212 46 25
676 Make it a stiff one. I know this looks like a funny situation but the editors are only going to pick a dumb play on words for a caption. 1.3392 0.03565 283 209 54 20
677 And we are only 6 months into 2020 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
678 Yeah I’ve had an awful time of it. Fell off a wall then I walked into a bar. 1.3381 0.03545 281 204 59 18
679 I’m anti-wall. 1.3381 0.03545 281 204 59 18
680 There's no sunny side to being a good egg. 1.3381 0.03616 281 206 55 20
681 I coulda' been a U.S. grade AA. 1.3381 0.03545 281 204 59 18
682 The men were doing just fine until the horses showed up. 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
683 So, I’m hereby withdrawing my support for “Build the Wall” 1.3381 0.03545 281 209 51 21
684 He just kept coming at me with the one-liners, even when I begged, "Please stop, you're cracking me up!" 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
685 I didn’t fall. I was pushed. And all for a stupid photo-op. 1.3381 0.03651 281 207 53 21
686 No, off the wagon. 1.3381 0.03342 281 204 58 17
687 Let’s see if all the king’s tequila can do any better. 1.3380 0.03519 284 206 60 18
688 Turns out they were right, you CAN’T make an omelette without breaking an egg 1.3370 0.03475 276 198 63 15
689 To make a long story short, I had a great fall. 1.3370 0.03696 276 204 51 21
690 Only a sadist would say it was a 'great fall' 1.3370 0.03696 276 203 51 21
691 So he said, “Come on down, I know a great place to sit, very stable, and with great views of Mexico.” 1.3370 0.03801 276 207 45 24
692 Defund the king's horses. Period. 1.3370 0.03587 276 201 57 18
693 I thought working for a juggler would be fun. 1.3370 0.03624 276 202 55 19
694 It's not too bad, but I am a little shell shocked. 1.3370 0.03550 276 200 59 17
695 No. I don’t care for a Harvey Wall-banger 1.3370 0.03660 276 203 53 20
696 so,yeah - not a good idea to bring up my safety concerns about walls at a MAGA rally 1.3370 0.03660 276 203 53 20
697 I told them I couldn’t wear a mask on account of I’ve got no ears, but they wouldn’t listen. 1.3370 0.03731 276 205 49 22
698 You're sure a shot of bleach will help? 1.3370 0.03870 276 209 41 26
699 Why do people assume that the king's horses and men know what they're doing? 1.3370 0.03696 276 204 51 21
700 Give me a wallbanger 1.3370 0.03587 276 201 57 18
701 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men were in quarantine. 1.3369 0.03561 279 203 58 18
702 This was no fairy tale. 1.3369 0.03450 279 200 64 15
703 Bad lay? 1.3369 0.03873 279 212 40 27
704 . . . and now I've fallen off the wagon. 1.3369 0.03597 279 204 56 19
705 The worst part is I can’t get that nursery rhyme out of my head. 1.3369 0.03737 279 208 48 23
706 Fortunately, the Border Protection guy had some Crazy Glue on him. 1.3369 0.03772 279 209 46 24
707 I definitely have learned to rely on the medical experts and not the king and his men and horses 1.3369 0.03632 279 205 54 20
708 Have a great fall," they all tell me! I'll be lucky to make it through July! 1.3369 0.03772 279 209 46 24
709 No, that's enough. That's why I fell the first time. 1.3369 0.03561 279 203 58 18
710 Chickens, huh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. 1.3346 0.03864 266 200 43 23
711 It has rhyme, but lacks reason... 1.3346 0.03752 266 197 49 20
712 No, I wasn't making a "yolk," I'm Swedish. 1.3346 0.03900 266 201 41 24
713 Brown, white! We are all eggs! We all have the same yolk inside! 1.3346 0.03597 266 193 57 16
714 Why, yes, I do work on Wall St. How did you guess? 1.3346 0.03570 269 195 58 16
715 Oh, she broke more than just my heart 1.3346 0.03466 272 195 63 14
716 All the King's men, and no universal healthcare. 1.3346 0.03766 272 203 47 22
717 Have you ever seen a horse try to put something back together? 1.3346 0.03582 272 198 57 17
718 It started off as a sunny side up kind of day but it ended over hard. 1.3346 0.03873 272 206 41 25
719 Do you have a lower barstool? 1.3333 0.03748 246 179 52 15
720 All the king's men were helping, but then all the horses arrived. 1.3333 0.03520 270 195 60 15
721 When someone says, ‘You crack me up!’ Believe them the first time. 1.3333 0.03790 273 205 45 23
722 She told me I wasn’t all I’m cracked up to be 1.3321 0.03662 271 200 52 19
723 If I fall off my stool, please don’t let any of the king’s horses near me. 1.3321 0.03470 271 195 62 14
724 I just wanna get fried. 1.3321 0.03662 271 200 52 19
725 I’m telling you straight man. I was this close to becoming a shell of my former self. 1.3321 0.03662 271 200 52 19
726 ...and so I told the chicken 'Eggs first!... 1.3321 0.03839 268 202 43 23
727 No more for me, Sam. I think I hit the wall. 1.3321 0.03728 268 199 49 20
728 Anyways.. enough about my problems. How was your day? 1.3321 0.03728 268 199 49 20
729 So I told him he needed to put on a mask... 1.3321 0.03690 268 198 51 19
730 Please, not another wallbanger 1.3321 0.03536 268 194 59 15
731 So I told him, ‘sure, I’ll take a crack at it..’ 1.3321 0.03496 268 193 61 14
732 If anyone asks, I fell off a wall. 1.3321 0.03476 268 200 50 18
733 Smoke canisters and rubber bullets; All I wanted to do was to sit on my wall in Lafayette park. 1.3321 0.03802 268 201 45 22
734 It's a hell of a job. Every time some kid recites the rhyme... 1.3321 0.03728 268 199 49 20
735 I wish they'd never built that damn wall. 1.3321 0.03765 268 200 47 21
736 Their hooves were the worst part. 1.3320 0.03923 253 190 42 21
737 Never quote Kant in a street confrontation. 1.3316 0.04443 196 147 33 16
738 Another tough day on Wall Street 1.3309 0.03679 269 199 51 19
739 It didn't even occur to them to send for the king's doctor. 1.3309 0.03641 269 198 53 18
740 Maybe the King’s Gin will have better luck. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
741 Today was the day I finally cracked. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
742 And I *still* haven't met my deductible. 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
743 It's been a rough spring and summer, but the doctor says I'll have a great fall. 1.3308 0.03511 266 192 60 14
744 House whiskey is fine. I’m terrified of the top shelf. 1.3308 0.03745 266 197 48 20
745 Do you ever think life isn't what it's all cracked up to be? 1.3308 0.03470 266 193 59 14
746 I was nearly beaten up. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
747 ALL THE KING'S MEN KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MEDICINE 1.3308 0.03894 266 202 40 24
748 I just think the king needs better men. 1.3308 0.03408 266 197 53 16
749 Let me tell you from personal experience, horses and men know nothing about first aid. 1.3308 0.03511 266 192 60 14
750 And then I asked, "Whose moronic idea was it to build this wall in the first place?" 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
751 Stirred, definitely not shaken. 1.3308 0.03820 266 200 44 22
752 New girlfriend. Athletic type. Into rock climbing. You can guess the rest. 1.3308 0.03630 266 195 54 17
753 So, yeah. White fragility is real. 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
754 I picked the wrong one to hump and dump. 1.3308 0.03857 266 201 42 23
755 Honestly, the King’s horses weren’t much help. 1.3308 0.03551 266 193 58 15
756 He said Mexico would pay for my medical bills. 1.3308 0.03783 266 199 46 21
757 All I remember was calling Mother Goose a sweet old broad. 1.3308 0.03470 266 191 62 13
758 Off the wall, off the wagon, at least I’m out of the frying pan. 1.3308 0.03618 263 192 55 16
759 What the hell did the king expect the horses to do? 1.3308 0.03814 263 197 45 21
760 Thank you, it's not easy to find a bar that serves pickled eggs these days 1.3308 0.03737 263 195 49 19
761 But I've always thought of myself as a good egg! 1.3308 0.03658 263 193 53 17
762 Then, after the statues, they came for the oval office workers. 1.3308 0.03658 263 193 53 17
763 I have no idea what the horses were supposed to be doing there. 1.3308 0.03578 263 191 57 15
764 King's horses, with a $500 copay. 1.3308 0.03658 263 193 53 17
765 I crack easily under pressure. 1.3308 0.03618 263 192 55 16
766 ... so, all I said to him was, "Shouldn't you be wearing a mask?" 1.3308 0.03578 263 191 57 15
767 What were they thinking? Horses don’t have hands! 1.3306 0.04005 242 182 40 20
768 Let me tell ya, 2020’s not all it’s cracked up to be! 1.3295 0.03794 261 195 46 20
769 I’ve fallen off the wagon this time, Joe. 1.3295 0.03832 261 196 44 21
770 ‘Everyone keeps telling me that I should stop this silly, orange bird from pecking it’s way out but every time it tweets, it’s crazier and crazier and I just can’t help myself...’ 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
771 It wasn't that bad until the King's men showed up. 1.3295 0.03675 261 191 52 17
772 Frankly, I only think the horses made things worse. 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
773 Apparently you can break an egg without making an omelet. 1.3295 0.03594 261 190 56 15
774 Today has not gone over easy. 1.3295 0.03635 261 191 54 16
775 I keep having this dream that I'm falling... 1.3295 0.03675 261 192 52 17
776 My crime? Wall-sitting while ovoid! That was my crime! 1.3295 0.03594 261 190 56 15
777 'Give me a break,' I told her. 1.3295 0.03832 261 196 44 21
778 I was fine until the horses showed up! 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
779 Most of these injuries were actually caused by a horse trying to put on the band-aids. 1.3295 0.03553 261 189 58 14
780 Ya know Harry, I feel like I'm just a shell of the egg I used to be. 1.3295 0.03635 261 191 54 16
781 All I did was sit on his wall and then the Feds arrived. 1.3295 0.03755 261 194 48 19
782 You know the phrase, walking on eggshells? It’s brutal, man. It’s brutal. 1.3295 0.03553 261 189 58 14
783 That last one really cracked me up 1.3288 0.03857 222 161 49 12
784 Thanks. I'm beat. 1.3273 0.04722 165 123 30 12
785 If I'm being honest, the king's horses just made it worse. 1.3269 0.03680 260 192 51 17
786 All the king's men were actually pretty helpful. The horses, not so much. 1.3269 0.03386 260 185 65 10
787 They said 2020 would be over easy... But now I just feel like a shell of my former self. 1.3268 0.03791 257 192 46 19
788 That’s what I’m trying to tell you Jimmie, they said I had an undiagnosed hairline fracture and poof - no coverage. It was a whole pre existing condition thing.... 1.3268 0.04024 257 198 34 25
789 One of these days I'm just gonna break, Jerry! 1.3268 0.03455 257 184 62 11
790 I remember when the King's men would try to help you out. 1.3268 0.03710 257 190 50 17
791 So as soon as I fell, I managed to scramble away. 1.3268 0.03585 257 187 56 14
792 I thought I'd see a surgeon in the ER,but NO!!... I get King's horses and King's men 1.3268 0.03948 257 196 38 23
793 Defund all the king's men 1.3268 0.03751 257 191 48 18
794 Whoever said a wall would keep you safe? 1.3268 0.03585 257 187 56 14
795 This time make it neat, I've had enough rocks for one day. 1.3268 0.03669 257 189 52 16
796 Just keep pouring until I'm pickled. 1.3268 0.03870 257 194 42 21
797 Make it a double, I fell off the wagon today. 1.3268 0.03986 257 197 36 24
798 Make it a double. I had a great fall. 1.3268 0.03669 257 189 52 16
799 No, it was a couple of EMTs from Mt. Sinai. The King's horses and men just watched. 1.3268 0.03710 257 190 50 17
800 Could be worse. You should see the statue of Columbus. 1.3268 0.03822 254 190 45 19
801 Make it a double. Actually, make it a dozen. 1.3265 0.04373 196 147 34 15
802 Fortunately, one of the King's Men went to medical school. 1.3264 0.03777 242 178 49 15
803 Being a good egg isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.3255 0.03601 255 186 55 14
804 When egg beaters come after you, it’s never over easy. 1.3255 0.03644 255 187 53 15
805 yeah well, you try social distancing up on top of a wall 1.3255 0.03644 255 187 53 15
806 I’m sick of being the fall guy. 1.3255 0.03644 255 187 53 15
807 All The King’s Men were helpful, but the horses! Oh my god, the horses! 1.3255 0.03727 255 189 49 17
808 Thank God all the King’s Women were there! 1.3241 0.03869 253 191 42 20
809 Of course I've heard of the 12 step program, I've fallen down every one of them! 1.3241 0.03660 253 186 52 15
810 Last words I heard were “over easy”. 1.3241 0.03909 253 192 40 21
811 I think I'll move to a booth. 1.3241 0.03660 253 186 52 15
812 I’m not all I’m cracked up to be. 1.3241 0.03869 253 191 42 20
813 I did not fall; I was pushed! 1.3240 0.03733 250 185 49 16
814 Rough day I’m one crack away from being scrambled 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
815 How'd you get the drink to be that frothy? 1.3240 0.03942 250 189 39 21
816 I got rolled. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
817 So she says, "Well, why were you sitting on a wall?" Not exactly the point, am I right? 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
818 She just threw me out of the nest. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
819 ...so now I'm just trying to put myself back together again. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
820 I shouldn’t have egged them on 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
821 It's okay. We all fall down. 1.3240 0.03733 250 185 49 16
822 Please, not on the rocks. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
823 Fall? Fall? I was pushed Dude. 1.3240 0.03860 250 188 43 19
824 These protests are no place for a guy with my body type. 1.3240 0.03557 250 181 57 12
825 I'm finally acknowledging my White fragility. 1.3240 0.03511 250 180 59 11
826 I mean, I appreciated all the kings horses and all the kings men but I could have really used a doctor" 1.3240 0.03557 250 181 57 12
827 I'm hard boiled on the inside. 1.3240 0.03860 250 188 43 19
828 Well, I tell ya, it didn't go over easy. 1.3240 0.03602 250 182 55 13
829 Never tell an introvert to break out of their shell. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
830 I was in the waiting room at the fertility clinic when this guy attacked me. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
831 Fortunately, one of the King's men was a plastic surgeon. 1.3240 0.03776 250 186 47 17
832 I actually did fall off the wagon. 1.3240 0.03465 250 179 61 10
833 No wise cracks please. 1.3240 0.03690 250 184 51 15
834 ...horses... they sent in horses, to put me back together. 1.3239 0.03808 247 184 46 17
835 Oeuf! What a day... 1.3226 0.03794 248 185 46 17
836 And then she said, "Come sit on the wall with me! It'll be fun!" 1.3223 0.03769 242 179 48 15
837 I didn't expect to be coddled, but, she knew I was fragile. 1.3223 0.03814 242 180 46 16
838 Phew, thanks bartender. I was mistaken for a peaceful protestor on my way in. 1.3211 0.04025 246 189 35 22
839 Turns out, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are out of network. 1.3211 0.03725 246 182 49 15
840 The worst part - the really unbearable part - was the horses. 1.3211 0.03635 246 180 53 13
841 I was just trying to get laid 1.3211 0.03725 246 182 49 15
842 Tom, I'm feeling white and fragile. 1.3211 0.03813 246 184 45 17
843 I tell ya, that cardboard container is no defense at all. 1.3211 0.03813 246 184 45 17
844 I knew I was in trouble when the President promised me excellent health care . . . 1.3211 0.03983 246 188 37 21
845 It was a minor injury until the horses tried to help. 1.3211 0.03680 246 181 51 14
846 I fell off a wall. Might as well fall off the wagon. 1.3211 0.03899 246 186 41 19
847 Don't ask. Hardboiled guys like me might crack but we don't spill our guts. 1.3211 0.03769 246 183 47 16
848 This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail. It was like an ice skating rink. And I said, 'General, I have a problem.' 1.3211 0.04066 246 190 33 23
849 I look like a hard-boiled detective, but I guess I'm just yellow inside. 1.3211 0.03856 246 185 43 18
850 Build the wall, they said. It’ll keep us safe, they said. 1.3211 0.03856 246 185 43 18
851 I guess chickens CAN fly,it's just best when they don't. 1.3211 0.03635 246 180 53 13
852 They talk about drinking and driving, but nothing on the safety of sitting on a wall half pissed. 1.3211 0.03941 246 187 39 20
853 You should see Jack and Jill. 1.3211 0.03983 246 188 37 21
854 I simply can't grasp the concepts of "sitting on a wall" and "having a great fall" as part of the plot for a children's tale or song. 1.3211 0.03941 246 187 39 20
855 Boy, do feel rotten today. 1.3204 0.04154 206 154 38 14
856 ...I think the horses just made it worse. 1.3198 0.03800 247 185 45 17
857 And just how could all of those horses have possibly helped? 1.3198 0.03339 247 180 57 10
858 I’ll tell ya man - I’m pretty broken up about her 1.3197 0.03698 244 180 50 14
859 I don't remember a THING after Easter... 1.3197 0.03788 244 182 46 16
860 I told some chicken I came first 1.3197 0.03510 244 176 58 10
861 and then I was beaten 1.3197 0.03832 244 183 44 17
862 Just when I thought 2020 couldn't get any worse... 1.3197 0.03962 244 186 38 20
863 I asked how to make an umlaut. She thought I said omelette and things went badly from there. 1.3197 0.03788 244 182 46 16
864 The recipe said to beat eggs lightly...LIGHTLY! 1.3197 0.03652 244 179 52 13
865 Nah, that's some other guy. I fell off the wagon, not a wall. 1.3197 0.03832 244 183 44 17
866 I said, "I don't need a mask," and then they jumped me. 1.3197 0.03558 244 177 56 11
867 Broke? This one’s on me. 1.3197 0.03876 244 184 42 18
868 Then, when all the king's horses arrived things really went downhill. 1.3197 0.03919 244 185 40 19
869 Give me a 2021 Biden, and make it a double. 1.3197 0.03876 244 184 42 18
870 Mom just had to cross the road. She wouldn't say why. 1.3197 0.03743 244 181 48 15
871 I called all the King’s horses and all the King’s men but they were working remotely. 1.3182 0.03761 242 180 47 15
872 The president says I fell harder on purpose. 1.3182 0.03912 220 163 44 13
873 Trump and his damn wall! 1.3182 0.03851 242 182 43 17
874 ....And then he said Mexico was going to pay for it. 1.3182 0.03895 242 183 41 18
875 Yes I do admit it was insensitive to yell, 'Egg lives matter!' 1.3182 0.03669 242 178 51 13
876 Ironically I was against the wall the whole time. 1.3180 0.03793 239 178 46 15
877 And then they said "You fit the description of a brown egg we had an anonymous tip about." 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
878 The king’s men were the ones who pushed me off. 1.3180 0.03746 239 177 48 14
879 King’s Men are buying. 1.3180 0.03603 239 174 54 11
880 Actually, make it another Wallbanger. 1.3180 0.03885 239 180 42 17
881 It’s really the inside that’s broken 1.3180 0.03603 239 174 54 11
882 On second thought, hold the rocks. 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
883 Some wiseguy introduced me as "TRUMPTY Dumpty"! 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
884 Yes, the men and horses were useless. Thank God for National Health. 1.3180 0.03675 239 182 39 17
885 Yeah! It was the Egg Beaters mob! 1.3180 0.03839 239 179 44 16
886 I'm not sure building a wall is a good idea. 1.3180 0.03930 239 181 40 18
887 To paraphrase Mark Twain, medical expertise of all the king's horses and all the king's men is greatly exaggerated." 1.3178 0.03826 236 176 45 15
888 And then they said, “Let’s let the horses try it.” 1.3178 0.03778 236 175 47 14
889 I’m always the fall guy. 1.3167 0.04054 180 130 43 7
890 How did you know my name is Humpty? 1.3166 0.04000 199 146 43 10
891 I think I’d better not... this stool seems awfully high. 1.3165 0.03950 237 180 39 18
892 The police are really cracking down now 1.3158 0.04046 209 156 40 13
893 Understand you have capacity requirements, but I’ve had a rough go with outdoor seating as of late 1.3153 0.04185 222 171 32 19
894 Easy on the egg nog Larry... 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
895 So I was visiting the Great Wall of China... 1.3149 0.03971 235 179 38 18
896 ...so then he's like, "sure, let the horses take a shot." 1.3149 0.03586 235 171 54 10
897 And then she said her name was Karen and she was calling the police 1.3149 0.03878 235 177 42 16
898 I feel there's another me trying to get out. 1.3149 0.03783 235 175 46 14
899 The wall doesn't really exist. Slippery ramp got me. 1.3149 0.03878 235 177 42 16
900 Make it a stiff one. I'm sort of shell-shocked. 1.3149 0.03831 235 176 44 15
901 They should've sent the Queen. 1.3149 0.03971 235 179 38 18
902 Sure brown eggs matter. ALL eggs matter! 1.3149 0.04016 235 180 36 19
903 As an egg, I should have chosen a different profession than a stunt double. 1.3149 0.03686 235 173 50 12
904 Do I look like I take it neat? 1.3149 0.04150 235 183 30 22
905 I guess it’s no secret I’ve fallen off the wagon. 1.3149 0.03783 235 175 46 14
906 I just found out I'm unfertilized. 1.3149 0.03735 235 174 48 13
907 Humpty Dumpty sat at a bar. Humpty Dumpty had lost his job, his house, and his car... 1.3149 0.03783 235 175 46 14
908 The fall wasn't that bad. It was those horses. 1.3149 0.03535 235 170 56 9
909 You think I look bad? You should have seen the chicken. 1.3149 0.03878 235 177 42 16
910 I tell her,"I had a great Summer." So SHE says,"Well, I hope you have a great Fall…" 1.3149 0.04016 235 180 36 19
911 Let’s see those egg-heads try to caption this one. 1.3143 0.04502 175 132 31 12
912 Actually, the horses caused most of the damage. 1.3137 0.03990 204 151 42 11
913 I can't fault the King's horses. They tried. 1.3137 0.03929 204 153 40 11
914 Is it me or is this stool wobbly? 1.3137 0.03990 204 151 42 11
915 I don't know what they thought the horses would do 1.3136 0.03623 236 173 52 11
916 I didn't mind the king's men trying to help, but why did they have to send in all those horses? 1.3136 0.03573 236 172 54 10
917 When they said it was called Wall Street, I should have known... 1.3136 0.03573 236 172 54 10
918 If you must know, I’m the President’s pollster. 1.3136 0.03864 236 178 42 16
919 The King's men didn't do so bad, but I don't see why they had to get the King's horses involved. 1.3136 0.03672 236 174 50 12
920 Until this happened, I had a fabulous view of the White House. 1.3136 0.03672 236 174 50 12
921 Apparently “his” wall is not as great, sturdy, nor beautiful as he told everyone 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
922 Pour me a drink before i chicken out 1.3133 0.04038 233 179 35 19
923 Maybe you should let all the queen’s women give it a try? 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
924 She broke up with me 1.3133 0.03602 233 170 53 10
925 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, but Humpty Dumpty made last call 1.3133 0.03802 233 174 45 14
926 No one knows how to walk on eggshells anymore 1.3133 0.03602 233 170 53 10
927 They tried to crack me but I’m not one to be beaten 1.3133 0.03703 233 172 49 12
928 Then I told the protesters, 'It's Humpty Dumpty, not Dumpty Trumpty,' and only then did they stop hitting me. 1.3133 0.04128 233 181 31 21
929 ...Yea. She wants a separation. 1.3133 0.03850 233 175 43 15
930 Excuse me, bartender. You got some tape with that scotch? 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
931 You should have seen the crowd when I sat on that wall. Everyone was cheering, then someone shouted "Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall".... 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
932 I fell off a wall 1.3133 0.04083 233 180 33 20
933 Luckily I am hard boiled. 1.3133 0.03898 233 175 41 16
934 Since I fell off the wagon already, I'll have a double 1.3133 0.03850 233 175 43 15
935 I told you not to fall for her 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
936 I don't know how much longer I can keep defending this wall. 1.3133 0.03802 233 174 45 14
937 Straight up please - I've had enough rocks today. 1.3133 0.03653 233 171 51 11
938 They claimed it was a pre-existing condition, but I didn't fall for that. 1.3133 0.03753 233 173 47 13
939 Rehab couldn’t put me back together again either. 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
940 All the King's horses and all the King's men still couldn't tell me why he insisted on building that damn wall. 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
941 Make it neat, I've been on the rocks all day. 1.3133 0.03898 233 176 41 16
942 It wasn’t so much one great fall as it was a series of missteps... 1.3133 0.03753 233 173 47 13
943 Pour me a stiff one, I'm a recovering crackhead. 1.3133 0.04038 233 179 35 19
944 Yeah, it was a bad breakup. 1.3133 0.03850 233 175 43 15
945 ... I don't think I can keep myself together anymore. 1.3133 0.03802 233 174 45 14
946 The Wall is a causing alot of problems. 1.3133 0.03945 233 177 39 17
947 All the King's horses and All the King's men, and some Krazy Glue did the trick. 1.3131 0.04132 198 148 38 12
948 I told them I wasn’t chicken... 1.3130 0.03735 230 170 48 12
949 No, it was the wagon this time. 1.3130 0.03785 230 171 46 13
950 What's worse, I paid for the damn wall. 1.3130 0.03884 230 172 42 15
951 You don't understand. I literally fell off the wagon. 1.3130 0.03416 230 164 60 6
952 Just seltzer for me, Mack. Booze is why I climbed up on the damn wall in the first place. 1.3130 0.03933 230 174 40 16
953 No more drinks. You're smashed. 1.3130 0.03835 230 172 44 14
954 This is what it looks like when the king’s horses try to put you back together again. 1.3130 0.03933 230 174 40 16
955 Free range means you can get dropped anywhere. 1.3130 0.03735 230 170 48 12
956 Could have been much worse if I were a brown egg. 1.3130 0.03632 230 167 52 10
957 Seemed like a good time to fall off the wagon too. 1.3130 0.03785 230 171 46 13
958 Let me tell you, cage-free isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. 1.3120 0.03836 234 176 43 15
959 You wouldn’t happen to have a couple Eggcedrin? 1.3120 0.03788 234 175 45 14
960 Not a wall, it was just this damn barstool last night. 1.3118 0.04434 170 127 33 10
961 I said shaken, not scrambled 1.3118 0.04512 170 128 31 11
962 It was all about who came first" 1.3116 0.04175 199 150 36 13
963 I had a great fall, but this summer has really sucked so far. 1.3114 0.03804 228 170 45 13
964 So I'm sitting on a wall, minding my own business..." 1.3114 0.03953 228 173 39 16
965 Make it a double, I'm pretty broken up. 1.3114 0.03953 228 173 39 16
966 They're saying I fell? Fake news. 1.3114 0.03804 228 170 45 13
967 I made the mistake of telling my mother I came first. 1.3114 0.03953 228 173 39 16
968 After a few drinks they egged me on to go sit on a wall. 1.3114 0.03804 228 170 45 13
969 This is gonna go right through me. 1.3114 0.04097 228 176 33 19
970 Damn right breaking up is hard to do. Tell me something I don’t know. 1.3114 0.03430 228 163 59 6
971 ...You know the Muffin Man? 1.3114 0.03753 228 169 47 12
972 I'm OK. It's the brown eggs that really got beaten. 1.3108 0.03976 222 168 39 15
973 First I'm reading "White Fragility", then this happens... 1.3108 0.03924 222 167 41 14
974 The director was lousy. It took sixty-two takes. 1.3108 0.04683 148 110 30 8
975 It was a Trump rally 1.3108 0.03872 222 166 43 13
976 I'm tellin' ya... I'm about to crack. 1.3108 0.04968 148 113 24 11
977 It wasn't the fall. It was the hooves. 1.3105 0.04178 190 142 37 11
978 Then one of the Kings men said, 'Let the horses handle it.'" 1.3103 0.04289 203 156 31 16
979 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men and not a bloody paramedic among them. 1.3103 0.04115 203 153 37 13
980 Sure, anything but eggnog will do... 1.3100 0.03739 229 170 47 12
981 They didn’t call us the dirty dozen for nothing. 1.3096 0.04138 197 148 37 12
982 The horses were no better. 1.3096 0.03946 197 145 42 9
983 I told 'em the phrase is 'break a leg,' but did they listen? Nooo! 1.3087 0.04113 230 178 31 20
984 My doctor says it’s an inner ear thing... 1.3080 0.03790 224 167 45 12
985 Leave the bottle on the bar, I need to get fried. 1.3080 0.03894 224 169 41 14
986 Anything other than a wallbanger 1.3080 0.04143 224 174 31 19
987 The wall wasn't the problem. It was the ICE agents below. 1.3080 0.04143 224 174 31 19
988 My eleven brothers and sisters weren’t quite so lucky. 1.3080 0.03790 224 167 45 12
989 I’m going to need a straw... 1.3077 0.03967 195 144 42 9
990 The horses trying to help just made it worse. 1.3073 0.04141 192 144 37 11
991 Do you have a steadier stool? 1.3073 0.04074 192 143 39 10
992 The worst part was when the horses tried to help. 1.3073 0.04334 192 147 31 14
993 I’ll just need a little pick-me-up to put me back together again. 1.3067 0.04380 163 121 34 8
994 Sure, it was a nice gesture, but I think all the king's horses may have made things worse. 1.3065 0.04089 186 138 39 9
995 I fell off the wall, not the wagon. 1.3063 0.04017 222 170 36 16
996 I tell you, Joe, it was all I could do to hold myself together." 1.3063 0.03700 222 164 48 10
997 This place is vegan, right? 1.3063 0.03809 222 166 44 12
998 I had a great fall, but it’s been a terrible summer. 1.3063 0.04068 222 171 34 17
999 ...and all the kings horses only made matters worse! 1.3063 0.03862 222 167 42 13
1000 Thank God it was just a bar stool, Jimmy. 1.3063 0.03473 222 160 56 6
1001 If the King's horses call, I'm not here. 1.3063 0.03809 222 166 44 12
1002 Day Trader on Wall Street ... it was my dream job. 1.3063 0.03700 222 164 48 10
1003 Make it a double, I might as well fall off the wagon too. 1.3063 0.03809 222 166 44 12
1004 They put me together again, but it’ll cost me an arm and a leg. 1.3063 0.04068 222 171 34 17
1005 I feel like hell in an Easter basket. 1.3063 0.03914 222 168 40 14
1006 It was a mess. About a dozen of us were just sitting on a wall. But when a fight started, the rest of them dumped me and scrambled. 1.3063 0.04117 222 172 32 18
1007 Just don't let me get pickled. 1.3063 0.03588 222 162 52 8
1008 Well, I lost a little albumen, but my yolk's still intact. 1.3062 0.04433 160 119 33 8
1009 You never think it’ll be you when making that omelette analogy 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1010 Humpday...was a bitch! 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1011 I told the cop I was reaching for my wallet! 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1012 Horrible breakup. Now we're walking on eggshells around each other. 1.3059 0.04106 219 169 33 17
1013 Boy, was I beaten! 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
1014 She Humpty dumped me, man 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
1015 Make it a stiff one. My heads feeling a bit scrambled. 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
1016 i’m just a shell of who i used to be 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
1017 2020 has been rough so far, but I'm holding out for a great fall. 1.3059 0.04207 219 171 29 19
1018 I’m celebrating - I just met my deductible. 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1019 The thing is, there was never a wall... 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1020 Just a little something to get me over the hump. 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1021 I had a great Spring and Summer. So I anticipated a great Fall. But this is ridiculous! 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1022 Just trying to put myself back together again. 1.3059 0.03843 219 164 43 12
1023 I’m a shell of the man I once was. 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
1024 And I'm also falling off the wagon. 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1025 I've recently suffered a bad break up. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
1026 Some kid just rolled me in the park! 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
1027 Might as well fall off the wagon while I'm at it. 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1028 Hey,I fell off the wall,not the wagon. 1.3059 0.04157 219 170 31 18
1029 I was doing fine up there till I asked some Mexicans to pay for it 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1030 Yeah? Well I'm telling you it wasn't such a great fall. 1.3059 0.03788 219 163 45 11
1031 On the house...We were told you couldn't be put back together again. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
1032 Chick trouble? 1.3059 0.03732 219 162 47 10
1033 What do you recommend for a splitting headache? 1.3059 0.04157 219 170 31 18
1034 So l came in late and she said “this will crack you up”. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
1035 Do you have a shorter stool? 1.3059 0.03732 219 162 47 10
1036 Spring and Summer were fabulous. I wasn’t expecting such a great fall. 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
1037 How? Sittin’ on a wall. For a woman, of course. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1038 That wall is a disgrace. 1.3057 0.04056 193 144 39 10
1039 Make it a double. I just proved the second law of thermodynamics. 1.3053 0.04029 190 141 40 9
1040 To be blunt, the king's horses were about as useful as udders on a baseball. 1.3053 0.04231 190 144 34 12
1041 Great fall? Trump said it was a "perfect" fall. 1.3052 0.04134 213 164 33 16
1042 Who knew it was THAT wall? 1.3052 0.03970 213 161 39 13
1043 Let's see if the Kings Whiskey can put me back together again 1.3048 0.04140 187 140 37 10
1044 Personally, I’m against making falls great again. 1.3045 0.03718 220 163 47 10
1045 if Mrs. Dumpty calls, tell her im not here.. 1.3045 0.03828 220 165 43 12
1046 Then I told her I am more of a free-range egg. 1.3045 0.03828 220 165 43 12
1047 'life ain't all that's it cracked up to be'! 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1048 Fall off the wagon again, Humpty? 1.3041 0.03971 217 165 38 14
1049 My last therapist said that people fall apart all the time and that I should stop looking for sympathy. 1.3041 0.04129 217 168 32 17
1050 Darn vegans. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
1051 Belin '89, now that was a fall! 1.3041 0.04025 217 166 36 15
1052 My mom got mad 'cause I said I came first! 1.3041 0.04077 217 167 34 16
1053 Who the hell is Humpty guy people keep mistaking me for? 1.3041 0.03693 217 160 48 9
1054 I don’t get it. I just asked for egg drop soup. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
1055 Hey, I'm an egg. People just beat us up all the time. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
1056 I’d love to know who had the bright idea to send all the king’s horses! 1.3041 0.03231 217 165 43 9
1057 All the kings horses and all the kings men ain’t worth a shit! 1.3041 0.04181 217 169 30 18
1058 Make it a double. I’ve hit the wall. 1.3041 0.03807 217 162 44 11
1059 Pour me something that doesn’t make me so tipsy this time. 1.3041 0.04025 217 166 36 15
1060 I still don't know why they thought horses were gonna be any help. 1.3032 0.03981 188 139 41 8
1061 Turns out all the king's horses have qualified immunity 1.3029 0.04087 208 159 35 14
1062 My Wife didn’t want to get back together again either 1.3028 0.03621 218 160 50 8
1063 That’s what I get for sitting on the fence! 1.3023 0.03652 215 158 49 8
1064 White fragility. Make it a double. 1.3023 0.04153 215 167 31 17
1065 That chicken sure got upset when I said I got here first 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1066 Don't worry, I fell off the wall not the wagon. 1.3023 0.03769 215 160 45 10
1067 I’m sorry but we don’t serve eggs 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1068 Make it a double. I've been walking on eggshells all week. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1069 Can you believe it, I call 911 and they send horses and kings men! 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1070 Don't give me your "in order to make an omelet" crap. 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1071 Build the wall," they said. "It'll be beautiful," they said 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1072 I can't. Doc says I have to go on the wagon if I want to stay on the wall. 1.3023 0.03769 215 160 45 10
1073 ...not only could they NOT put me together again, but they were "out of network" so my bill is $30,000! 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1074 Let’s see if I can hold my liquor 1.3023 0.03711 215 159 47 9
1075 It could have been so much worse, but I'm hard-boiled now. 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1076 I think it's time we talk about defunding the king's men. 1.3023 0.03854 215 163 38 13
1077 How did I know I was supposed to wear a mask? 1.3023 0.03993 215 164 37 14
1078 Turns out the waiver I signed at the President's rally is quite broad. 1.3023 0.04205 215 168 29 18
1079 Fall off the wagon again, Mr. Dumpty? 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1080 Have you ever had a run-in with a frying pan? 1.3023 0.04307 215 170 25 20
1081 She took 'free range' to a whole new level 1.3023 0.04100 215 166 33 16
1082 I was coming down a ramp, it was wet, and with leather soles, I slipped. 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
1083 If my summer is anything like my spring, I won't have a great fall. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1084 Never ask a chick if you got laid with her. 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1085 Too soon for me to ask you if you want it on the rocks? 1.3023 0.04100 215 165 33 16
1086 My insurance company says I'm out of luck because of a pre-egg-sisting condition 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
1087 I'm going to get pickled. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1088 I may be a little cracked, but I shall ova-come." 1.3023 0.03769 215 160 45 10
1089 And that's when all the king's horses trampled me. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
1090 I am just glad my insurance covered real doctors, because the King's men couldn't put me back together any better than their horses could. 1.3017 0.04256 179 135 34 10
1091 Do you have any shorter bar stools? 1.3011 0.04146 186 140 36 10
1092 Not in a tumbler, please. 1.3007 0.04645 153 116 28 9
1093 I’d still be in pieces, if the king’s women hadn’t arrived. 1.3005 0.04123 213 165 32 16
1094 Just pour the drink, and hold the wisecracks. 1.3005 0.04069 213 164 34 15
1095 First, Egg Beaters took my job. Now this. 1.3005 0.03902 213 161 40 12
1096 My shrink says I need a thicker skin. 1.3005 0.03668 213 157 48 8
1097 Lucky for me, I don't have a neck 1.3005 0.03902 213 161 40 12
1098 And I still don't know which one of us came first. 1.3005 0.03668 213 157 48 8
1099 My health plan? All the King's Horses and All the King's Men. Why do you ask? 1.3005 0.04014 213 163 36 14
1100 Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool He was a good egg but drank like a fool The barkeep kept warning, whenever he spoke That Humpty's next fall would be the end of his yoke 1.3005 0.04177 213 166 30 17
1101 Okay, one more, but if you fall off that stool again I’m cutting you off. 1.3005 0.03845 213 160 42 11
1102 Walls are controversial these days. 1.3005 0.04014 213 163 36 14
1103 Yup... All the king's men...I did not see that coming! 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1104 Ran into Henny at Central Park - all I said was I think that I came first. 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1105 It’s hard being a brown egg in America 1.3000 0.03881 210 158 41 11
1106 And then she took me break dancing 1.3000 0.04053 210 161 35 14
1107 I can use one, I'm falling to pieces. 1.3000 0.04164 210 163 31 16
1108 Well, I guess I’m not the guy I thought I was cracked up to be. 1.3000 0.03996 210 160 37 13
1109 No no not on the rocks!! 1.3000 0.03822 210 157 43 10
1110 ...all the King’s horses, all the King’s men and my entire deductible. 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
1111 Just between us, it wasn't that great. 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1112 Turns out all the king's horses and all the king's men weren't on my provider list. 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1113 I said I fell off the wall, not the wagon 1.3000 0.03822 210 157 43 10
1114 I mean, sure, COVID-19 and police brutality are bad and all; but am I the only one still worried about this whole ‘Wall’ thing? 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
1115 Who's Dumpty? I said Humpty dumped me. 1.3000 0.03881 210 158 41 11
1116 Who came up with the idea of an Easter Egg roll, anyway? And make it a double. 1.3000 0.03822 210 157 43 10
1117 I can’t stay on the wall or on the wagon. 1.3000 0.03700 210 155 47 8
1118 Would you believe the ER admitted the chicken before me? 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1119 So I says to the guy, "You want a piece o' me?" 1.3000 0.03939 210 159 39 12
1120 Just sitting on a wall, minding my own business and then BAM! 2020 comes out of nowhere. 1.2993 0.04961 147 114 22 11
1121 Who knew vegans could be so violent. 1.2990 0.04344 194 151 28 15
1122 All I said was 'all lives matter. 1.2986 0.04092 211 163 33 15
1123 I was fine until all the horses showed up 1.2981 0.03960 208 158 38 12
1124 You sure you don’t want to sit at a booth? 1.2981 0.04132 208 161 32 15
1125 I’m still not sure why they called the horses. 1.2981 0.03841 208 156 42 10
1126 Everyone else gets a stunt double. But nooo, Humpty Dumpty has to be 'authentic'. Jeez. 1.2981 0.03901 208 157 40 11
1127 If you think doctors charge a lot, you have no idea how much it costs to see a horse. 1.2981 0.04018 208 159 36 13
1128 I wanna buy a round for all the king's men. They did their best. 1.2981 0.03780 208 155 44 9
1129 Then ok, ok, says I, the chicken did come first. 1.2981 0.03960 208 158 38 12
1130 I got tired of them saying I came second. 1.2981 0.03901 208 157 40 11
1131 The men were fine but don't get me started on the horses. 1.2981 0.03718 208 154 46 8
1132 No, I would not like a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2981 0.03841 208 156 42 10
1133 I know I came first. But that chicken came at me faster. 1.2967 0.03765 209 156 44 9
1134 Humpty, you fell off the wall because you’re a fucking alcoholic. 1.2961 0.04212 206 161 29 16
1135 : I'm cracking up but no one's laughing. 1.2961 0.04040 206 158 35 13
1136 And then he said, “we will reopen by Easter, and it will be beautiful.” 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1137 I’m finding it harder and harder to maintain my white fragility 1.2961 0.03799 206 154 43 9
1138 As falls go, it wasn't great. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1139 Not only that, but Mexico isn’t even going to pay for it 1.2961 0.04099 206 159 33 14
1140 I was sitting there, and someone yelled “scramble”! 1.2961 0.04040 206 158 35 13
1141 It was open-mic night at the Hen House, and it was a really tough audience. 1.2961 0.03704 206 155 42 9
1142 Wall? No. This time it was Egg Beaters.® 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1143 Oh, Danny, easy pour. I don't want to get tipsy. 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1144 And your only bar food is a hard-boiled what.....? 1.2961 0.04212 206 161 29 16
1145 They say it was a great fall, so that's something. 1.2961 0.03672 206 152 47 7
1146 Whose idea was it to build all these walls? 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1147 Well, I've hit bottom. 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1148 I said, Over easy! 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1149 All the King’s vodka and all the king’s gin, might actually put me back together again. 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1150 Yeah, turned out the king's women were able to get me back together. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1151 I need a drink, I am really cracking up over all this self isolation 1.2961 0.04156 206 160 31 15
1152 Nothing top-shelf, and nothing on the rocks. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1153 You think we’d have learned after Humpty. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1154 Better leave the bottle. All the king's men will be along soon. 1.2961 0.04099 206 159 33 14
1155 Fell off the wall, might as well fall off the wagon. 1.2961 0.03736 206 153 45 8
1156 And, please, spare me the 'off-the-wall' comments!" 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1157 Truth Is, I was pushed. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1158 Obviously, Trump didn't want me sitting on his "beautiful" wall! 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1159 His bio said he was a chief,turns out it was a typo. He's a chef and it quickly went downhill from there 1.2961 0.03860 206 155 41 10
1160 They thought I was a statue. 1.2961 0.04099 206 159 33 14
1161 I don't care what it says in the papers, all the king's horses and all the king's men were NOT trying to put me back together. 1.2961 0.03736 206 153 45 8
1162 The king's horses and men just made it worse! 1.2961 0.04090 179 134 37 8
1163 I got over, but it wasn’t easy. 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1164 The fall -was- great. The landing, not so much. 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1165 Carton accident. 1.2956 0.04020 203 154 36 12
1166 At that price it better put me back together again. 1.2956 0.03897 203 153 40 10
1167 Turns out, getting laid wasn't all its cracked up to be! 1.2956 0.04198 203 158 30 15
1168 'Just a drop.' 1.2956 0.03834 203 152 42 9
1169 You should see the edge of the bowl! 1.2956 0.03834 203 152 42 9
1170 Yep, fell off the wagon again. 1.2956 0.03897 203 153 40 10
1171 I had to fight him...he called me a chicken. 1.2956 0.04020 203 155 36 12
1172 I've had my last Wallbanger. 1.2956 0.03834 203 152 42 9
1173 I'll have a Harvey. Hold the Wallbanger. 1.2956 0.04020 203 155 36 12
1174 Of course, I'm cracking up! Nobody in here is wearing a mask. 1.2956 0.04313 203 160 26 17
1175 There wasn't any room at the hospital so here I am. I guess the MAGA hat wasn't a good choice for at least 2 reasons. 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1176 I know when I'm beaten! 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1177 Can you believe they sent the cavalry and army instead of EMT's. I'm lucky I survived! 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1178 My brain is scrambled. Better make it a double. 1.2956 0.04140 203 157 32 14
1179 Big, beautiful wall" my eye! It nearly killed me 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1180 What's going on? I smell bacon frying. 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1181 No. Her rooster found out. 1.2950 0.03804 200 149 43 8
1182 I told you.. I fell off the wall, not the wagon. 1.2941 0.03818 204 153 42 9
1183 Shaken, not scrambled. 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
1184 All I said was “Egg Lives Matter!’ 1.2935 0.04042 201 154 35 12
1185 Listen bud, one more fall and I'm going to have to cut you off. 1.2935 0.03853 201 151 41 9
1186 No place to sit on that new Trump wall 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
1187 Great Fall - rotten Spring. How about you? 1.2935 0.04223 201 156 29 15
1188 The King's men were all very helpful, but then one of the damn horses stepped on me! 1.2935 0.04156 184 140 34 10
1189 All the king's horses and all the king's men aren't covered by Medicare anymore. 1.2931 0.04466 174 135 27 12
1190 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men can go f*** themselves! 1.2921 0.04393 178 138 28 12
1191 And if you look at the King himself, it's not surprising that none of his men have a medical background. 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 41 9
1192 I can’t take anymore of this quarantine baking, Jim 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1193 Spring was bad, summer was worse. I’m telling you, I’m not expecting a great fall. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1194 I’ve been sober for two years, but today I cracked. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1195 Doc says it’s called white fragility 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1196 I kept telling her it’s not gonna be over easy. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1197 Must be a tough time to be an academic. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1198 Seriously, whose idea was it to build a wall in the first place? 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1199 It’s tough to be a ‘good egg’. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1200 My memoir, A Million Little Pieces, is actually nonfiction...sadly I live it every day... 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1201 Turns out building the wall is much tougher then sitting on it. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1202 Make it a single. I can’t get falling-down drunk anytime soon. 1.2915 0.03807 199 149 42 8
1203 Skip the toast. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1204 I finally left her yesterday. She said we could patch things up, but I'm sick and tired of being henpecked. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1205 All the king’s bourbon and all the king’s gin Couldn’t put Humpty together again 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1206 It’s my toughest role, playing the Constitution in Bill Barr’s Department of Justice Burlesque. 1.2915 0.04366 199 158 24 17
1207 Do you mind switching to a booth? You’re kind of a liability up there. 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1208 It was only a small crack until all the horses showed up. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1209 No, I don't need the King's horses or his men. What I need is a stiff drink and an Uber. 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1210 There were a dozen of them... 1.2915 0.03873 199 150 40 9
1211 So they brought in the King's horses - -all of them, mind you. How, exactly, were they supposed to help me? 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1212 I've had some great falls, but this has to be my favourite dive. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1213 I thought I was one of the good eggs. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1214 The King's horses in particular lacked any kind of medical training. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1215 I knew things were looking bad when they asked the horses to help. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1216 And if things weren’t bad enough, there were these freakin’ horses... 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1217 It's the co-pays that really hurt. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1218 Give me a double shot of anything that doesn't rhyme with protest or pandemic. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1219 ...so, I said 'all eggs matter" and the next thing I know I'm getting the yolk beaten out of me. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1220 It's gonna take more than a Screwdriver to put me back together again. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1221 Then the king himself got involved, and suddenly it was all about how beautiful the wall was. 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1222 If I hadn't been completely pickled at the time, things would have been a lot worse. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1223 I already fell off the wall, I don't want to fall off the wagon too. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1224 Make it a triple, I've got a splitting headache 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1225 And then they started shouting, Tear Down this Wall! 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1226 Shaken, not scrambled, please. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1227 Truth is — it was all the king's women who put me together again. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1228 Sam, if this day gets any worse, I'm diving head first into the nearest skillet. 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1229 This day didn't go eggs-actly as planned. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1230 You think this is bad? The other guy is an omelette. 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1231 It's tough being a stunt man on The Dirty Dozen. 1.2915 0.04002 199 152 36 11
1232 It was a split decision, but they gave it to the chicken. 1.2915 0.03807 199 149 42 8
1233 Maybe this time I should have that at a table. 1.2915 0.03530 199 145 50 4
1234 Make it a stiff one, Bob. I just got dumped really bad. 1.2914 0.03976 175 130 39 6
1235 That looks great but maybe this time I’ll move to a booth. 1.2905 0.04722 148 114 25 9
1236 All the king's horses did more harm than good. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1237 So I said to her, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs and she loses it. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1238 The king's horses didn't really seem to be trying. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1239 Think you could get any shorter stools? 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1240 It's just not the same working from home, you know? 1.2897 0.04786 145 112 24 9
1241 Make it a stiff one. The kind that makes my whites stand up straight. 1.2897 0.04476 145 109 30 6
1242 Long story short, the King's horses weren’t board-certified. 1.2897 0.04685 145 111 26 8
1243 The king's horses were pretty useless. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1244 I better not, I'm expecting. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1245 Here you go, 2020. This one’s on the house. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1246 Just once I'd love to have a mediocre fall 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1247 They told me to sit on the wall. I didn’t know I was taking the fall. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1248 Hey man I know I’m just a bartender but you should probably stop sitting on walls it’s the third time this week 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1249 Horses? 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1250 I checked out Trump’s Wall. 1.2893 0.04333 197 156 25 16
1251 Looks like the wagon isn’t the only thing you fell off today 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1252 ... and then the doctor told me my insurance considers shell repair elective. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1253 It’s on the King’s tab. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1254 Days like today make me wonder if there really is a sunny side. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1255 Bartender, hit me again. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1256 My therapist says I need to put myself together again, but I just can’t do it 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1257 Not too much; I’m leaky. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1258 If you think this looks bad, you should see what they did to the statue. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1259 I thought he was a sexy whisk. Turns out he was an egg beater. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1260 I wasn't looking for any trouble, but they just kept egging me on. 1.2893 0.03617 197 150 39 8
1261 Over easy is a lot harder than it sounds 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1262 So...where's your mask? 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1263 You should see the other eleven guys. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1264 Well, that wall wasn't a great idea, either. 1.2893 0.04273 197 155 27 15
1265 All I know is, I never fell like that when Obama was President. 1.2893 0.04273 197 155 27 15
1266 I'm really feeling shell shocked today. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1267 All the King's Bourbon and all the King's Gin 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1268 Make it stiff, I was almost deviled. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1269 It was a fight with a chicken over who came first. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1270 This marriage, Johnny.  It's turning me into the shell of a man I used to be. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1271 Might as well face it. I'll never be well-rounded. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1272 I'm an introvert", I said, "deal with it". I don't need to "come out of my shell", ok 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1273 You and the chicken will never settle that argument. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1274 He said his name was Trumpy Dumpy and I was sitting on His wall 1.2893 0.04333 197 156 25 16
1275 The other guy yelled Dumpty Trumpty and then started hitting me." 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1276 I was trying to get out of America. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1277 This one's on the house. You look like you took a beating. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1278 No mask and gloves? What are you trying to do to me? 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1279 I told her she cracks me up. No time for our safe word. 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1280 First Trump got elected .... 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1281 Fuck Easter.. keep pouring! 1.2893 0.04333 197 156 25 16
1282 They said I'd be a chicken if I didn't sit on that wall. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1283 Give me a beer with a gorilla glue chaser - make it a triple 1.2893 0.04273 197 155 27 15
1284 I knew I should not have had that Harvey Wallbanger! 1.2893 0.03688 197 146 45 6
1285 I had a great fall but winter was pretty rough. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1286 Humpty Dumpty was my uncle, why do you ask? 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1287 So, I'm sitting on a wall like I always do, when this border guard asks me, 'are you a Mexican egg or an American egg?' I said, 'What difference does it make?' Make that a double. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 36 10
1288 No, I didn’t slip off the wall, but was pushed. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1289 Listen, Chaz, be a bit more liberal on that pour, will ya? I have another peaceful protest to get to... 1.2893 0.04393 197 157 23 17
1290 Ya know, Lou, being a white egg isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1291 Can't a guy suggest that people wear masks at the border wall celebration without being assaulted? 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1292 Keep ‘em coming until I’m pickled. 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1293 And now I'm going to fall off the wagon. 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1294 I was poached on top of the wall, when all the sudden I got a little scrambled, fell over easy, and landed feeling pretty fried. So yeah, I could use a drink. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1295 You gotta be hard-boiled in this town. 1.2893 0.04087 197 152 33 12
1296 All the King's horses and all the King's men can't put sh- together again . .. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1297 The POTUS said the wall would keep us safe! 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1298 I'm so tired of breaking up and getting back together again. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1299 I just need a pick-me-up. 1.2893 0.03893 197 149 39 9
1300 Rough night!! She thought I was hard boiled but I told her I was a softy inside. 1.2893 0.04150 197 153 31 13
1301 King's horses... King's men... and a Wall... Need I say more/ 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1302 Honestly, it was just an average fall. There was nothing great about it. 1.2893 0.03757 197 147 43 7
1303 That settled it, the chicken was first. 1.2893 0.03826 197 148 41 8
1304 When they said a fall on Wall Street was coming, I didn’t take it literally 1.2887 0.03721 194 144 44 6
1305 Are you sure that can put me back together? The king's men already tried. 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1306 The king's men got furloughed, and this is the best the horses could do. 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1307 Why the horses? 1.2887 0.04064 194 149 34 11
1308 Horses! Who sends horses to mend a broken egg? 1.2887 0.04129 194 150 32 12
1309 Did I mention the King's horses? 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1310 So I said to the King, how about trying doctors and nurses? 1.2887 0.03792 194 145 42 7
1311 I’m so sick of hearing that: the horses didn’t even try to help. 1.2887 0.04256 194 152 28 14
1312 Turns out, all the king's horses and all the king's men were kind of useless at a simple patch up job 1.2881 0.04251 177 135 31 10
1313 I want to toast all the King's women who put me back together again. 1.2881 0.04400 177 138 27 12
1314 I should have left the nest before my mother started gaining weight 1.2881 0.04472 177 139 25 13
1315 I’m sure this will change the OSHA rules at the Wall... 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1316 Got anything for an Eggache? 1.2877 0.04856 146 114 22 10
1317 So I told her, “I ain’t your nest egg, lady.” 1.2874 0.04376 174 135 28 11
1318 Who knew "All Eggs Matter" would be so controversial? 1.2874 0.04299 174 134 30 10
1319 Your sign is backwards 1.2865 0.04268 171 131 31 9
1320 OK, but you're headed for another fall! 1.2865 0.04282 192 151 27 14
1321 It's 2020. Pour a double. 1.2865 0.04153 192 149 31 12
1322 You might be safer sitting in a BOOTH. 1.2857 0.04265 161 122 32 7
1323 First it was my cholesterol, and now this. 1.2857 0.04922 147 116 20 11
1324 Don't believe everything you hear, they could in fact put me back together again. 1.2850 0.03648 193 143 45 5
1325 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall—off the wagon. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1326 yeah but actually, joe, the proper term for it these days is PTSD. 1.2850 0.03794 193 145 41 7
1327 Eggstentialism 1.2850 0.04068 193 149 33 11
1328 Jet ski accident. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1329 Anything, Harvey, except a Wallbanger. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1330 I literally fell on hard times. 1.2850 0.03794 193 145 41 7
1331 I'm done with free range, make it a double and call me pickled. 1.2850 0.04262 193 152 27 14
1332 Nog, hold the egg. 1.2850 0.04325 193 153 25 15
1333 Trump just HAD to build that damned wall, and I just couldn't resist... 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1334 So, I tell this chicken, “Hey, lady, I got here first. Get in line.”...and the argument escalated from there. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1335 Political activism not all it's cracked up to be! 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1336 But the pants did make her look like a pear 1.2850 0.03864 193 146 39 8
1337 I fell off again. 1.2850 0.03864 193 146 39 8
1338 Unfortunately, the brown egg did a whole lot worse 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1339 Her opinion is the chicken comes first. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1340 You're a good friend. You never cared about my brown shell. 1.2850 0.04001 193 148 35 10
1341 Long live the Queen! The king's men were useless. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1342 I just feel like a shell of my old self. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1343 I can readily see your wife is an eggbeater. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1344 To tell the truth, I didn't want to be put back together" 1.2842 0.03972 190 145 36 9
1345 And then the horses tried to help put me back together again. Those hooves! Those HOOVES! I have nightmares over that. 1.2842 0.04243 190 149 28 13
1346 I was protesting and some “pro-wall” guys beat me. 1.2842 0.03829 190 143 40 7
1347 If I'm being honest, spring and summer haven't been great either. 1.2842 0.04177 190 148 30 12
1348 Sorry buddy, we don't serve scrambled eggs 1.2842 0.04041 190 146 34 10
1349 I was just holding a sign in front of the White House! 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1350 Why would they push me? I’m a good egg! 1.2842 0.03972 190 145 36 9
1351 You should see the chicken. 1.2834 0.04083 187 144 33 10
1352 I tried to explain that I’m Humpty-Dumpty, not Trumpty-Dumpty! 1.2834 0.04012 187 143 35 9
1353 If anything the horses just made matters worse 1.2834 0.03791 187 140 41 6
1354 ‘...so there I was, at my favorite spot, on my favorite wall, er, stop me if I told you this story ...’ 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1355 so if my wife calls, Moe, I fell off a wall right? 1.2834 0.04289 187 147 27 13
1356 All these falls and I still haven't met my deductible. 1.2834 0.04012 187 142 35 9
1357 Saying "all eggs matter" is more controversial than it used to be. 1.2834 0.04153 187 145 31 11
1358 They thought I was a monument... 1.2834 0.04289 187 147 27 13
1359 I tell ya, I don’t think I can do another day on Wall Street. 1.2834 0.04153 187 145 31 11
1360 I can't help but feel like a shell of my former self. 1.2834 0.04289 187 147 27 13
1361 Mistakes? I made a few. But then again, too few to mention. 1.2834 0.04153 187 145 31 11
1362 And another thing, WHO names there kid Humpty! 1.2834 0.04221 187 146 29 12
1363 I just can't get myself together. 1.2834 0.04083 187 144 33 10
1364 Every time I see a wall I think, this time it will be different. 1.2834 0.03866 187 141 39 7
1365 Sure, but the horses were no help at all. 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1366 Make it double, most of it slips through my cracks. 1.2834 0.04221 187 146 29 12
1367 Straight up. Please not shaken, stirred or scrambled.... 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1368 The worst part was when the horses started biting” 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
1369 Take it from me pal: sometimes you gotta make the chicken come first 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1370 I fell off a bar stool. 1.2828 0.04663 145 112 25 8
1371 The horses weren't helpful at all. 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
1372 It was going pretty good until the King’s horses got involved. 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1373 So glad you're open, the hospital was full. 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1374 I’m telling you, it’s like the king’s men didn’t even TRY. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1375 The King's men did a fine job -- the horses were no help at all. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1376 Now that you mention it, my spring wasn’t great either! 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1377 The horses and men were too busy writing tell-all books about the king 1.2811 0.04315 185 146 26 13
1378 Word of advice Mack, never let horses put you back together again. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1379 Why did they bring ALL the horses? 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1380 Can I please get a stool with a back? 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1381 Wait! That’s the reason I fell of the wall in the first place. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1382 The last thing I remember is telling that chicken "I came first" 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1383 I swear I felt somebody push me 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1384 And let me tell you, it was not great at all! 1.2811 0.04315 185 146 26 13
1385 That’s just a fairytale. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1386 All I can say is that I'm lucky I was hard boiled! 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1387 The king's horses did this to me, but I think his men are going to try to spin the story. 1.2811 0.03809 185 139 40 6
1388 Trump needed the wall for a photo op 1.2811 0.04247 185 145 28 12
1389 I don’t know why they thought horses would help. 1.2811 0.03809 185 138 40 6
1390 Easy on this one Joe. That last one sent me over the wall. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1391 This stool is giving me a little déjà vu. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1392 The King’s horses and the King’s men are vastly overrated. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1393 Oh, why not? All the king's horses and all the king's men didn't help. 1.2811 0.03960 185 141 36 8
1394 And then the King outsourced putting me back together to the lowest bidder.... 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1395 I'm afraid my salad days are over. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1396 It was the King's men, not the fall. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1397 It was a mediocre summer but a great fall, sorry bad yolk. 1.2811 0.04383 185 147 24 14
1398 The rest of the carton didn’t make it. 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1399 Being someone’s fall guy is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1400 Well, you see, I was sitting on this wall, and I had a great fall...all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put me together again, but they gave me CPR and stabilized all the vital organs, and told me to get wasted. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1401 Turns out it took all the king's women to put me back together again 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1402 It was a good fall. Not a great one. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1403 First they came for the bacon . . . 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1404 This stool can’t be more than, what, thirty inches? 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1405 Well, the King's Horses were in-network. 1.2811 0.03960 185 141 36 8
1406 And then all these horses show up! 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1407 It was three guys in IHOP hats. 1.2811 0.04247 185 145 28 12
1408 I am definitely against the wall. 1.2807 0.03640 171 125 44 2
1409 And I kept saying to the horses You don’t even have opposable thumbs! 1.2804 0.04249 189 149 27 13
1410 You wouldn't expect so many horses to know first aid. 1.2804 0.04045 189 146 33 10
1411 I was warned that denial and deflection wouldn’t work. 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
1412 Letting the horses try first certainly didn’t help the situation 1.2796 0.03942 186 142 36 8
1413 I know, but you should see the other eleven. 1.2796 0.03867 186 141 38 7
1414 You ever call a cop a good egg? 1.2796 0.04086 186 144 32 10
1415 One shot and a band aid. 1.2794 0.04861 136 106 22 8
1416 How could I wear a mask if I don’t have ears?! 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
1417 Did I mention I had a friend in fourth grade who was black? 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
1418 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put me together again. Lets’s see how Jack, Johnny, Jim and Jameson can do. 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1419 Then all the king's men ganged up on me. 1.2787 0.04129 183 142 31 10
1420 Humpty...I told you, avoid Trump and his wall. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1421 You think YOU’RE fractured? Welcome to America, friend. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1422 Well, I had a great spring. 1.2787 0.03905 183 139 37 7
1423 So, have you ever considered just "not" sitting on the wall? 1.2787 0.03827 183 138 39 6
1424 I had to play hard-boiled. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1425 Sitting on a wall is a young man’s game... 1.2787 0.04272 183 144 27 12
1426 Just one, I’m feeling a bit scrambled. 1.2787 0.03827 183 138 39 6
1427 I guess you go to be hard boiled to live in New York City. 1.2787 0.04201 183 143 29 11
1428 Well, me and my buddy, Trumpty Dumpty, we wuz workin' on this incredible, amazing wall when--we had a great fall... 1.2787 0.04342 183 145 25 13
1429 It wasn't the fall. The police rescued me. 1.2787 0.04545 183 148 19 16
1430 Make it a double, after the accident it just feels like everyone around me is walking on eggshells... 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1431 Being Humpty Dumpty isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1432 I don't know what happened. Just put me back together, Bob. 1.2787 0.03667 183 141 35 7
1433 Off the wall and off the wagon. 1.2787 0.03905 183 139 37 7
1434 Twenty years on Wall Street, you‘d think I’d see the fall coming. 1.2787 0.04129 183 141 31 10
1435 Just need a little pick-me-up 1.2787 0.04272 183 144 27 12
1436 I'm really beat. 1.2787 0.03905 183 139 37 7
1437 Make it a double. Don't worry, I never fell off a bar stool. 1.2786 0.04653 140 108 25 7
1438 Que huevada 1.2778 0.04461 180 144 22 14
1439 Scrambled, not stirred. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1440 Whatever. It’s still a magnificent wall. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1441 I'm telling you, privatized healthcare is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1442 She broke me Al 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1443 I don’t know about all the men, but I don’t think any of the horses were board certified. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1444 Been a rough year, but I'm still holding out for a great fall. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1445 I need a belt? . 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1446 No, I don’t have a mask. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1447 People keep blaming the fall but my therapist says it’s much deeper. 1.2778 0.03783 180 135 40 5
1448 I should have checked if All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men accepted my insurance. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1449 Why did he think sending the horses to put me back together would be a good idea? 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1450 Yeah, I had a great fall, but the winter was terrible. 1.2778 0.04391 180 143 24 13
1451 Most people dread Monday's,I dread Frydays. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1452 I think I'm beginning to come out of my shell. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1453 I need somethin' strong enough to put me back together again. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1454 I'm just not ready to look at the sunny side. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1455 Turns out life is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1456 Put it on Humpty's tab. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1457 I may be cracked but I am not broken. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1458 Actually, it was the king's horses that did most of the damage. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1459 I’ve tried and tried, but I just can’t get that chick out of my head. 1.2778 0.04391 180 143 24 13
1460 Well, I wouldn’t say it was a great fall... 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1461 Well, I had a great Spring, and I had a great Summer... 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1462 You're not alone. I've seen dozens of you today. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1463 Im trying to get over my crack addiction 1.2778 0.04319 180 142 26 12
1464 I fell off my bike. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1465 Apparently not all of the King's Men can take a yolk. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1466 And will Mexico pay for this drink too? 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1467 The chicken won. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1468 You should have seen the wall. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1469 Historical reenactment. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1470 Told me I was yellow inside, and he'd prove it. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1471 Truth be told, I was on the fence about going back to work. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1472 I fell off the wagon this time. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1473 I used to be an Easter egg. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1474 So then he says to me, ‘Well, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs’. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1475 Summer's been rough, but I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1476 Man, I just went out to get laid.“ 1.2778 0.03824 180 143 27 10
1477 And I was trying to get INTO Mexico. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1478 Maybe I should have worn a mask. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1479 It’s amazing you’re still asymptomatic. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1480 It’s been downhill ever since I took the fall for him. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1481 The Humpty Dance is harder than it looks. 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1482 I guess the yolk's on me for egging that big guy on. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1483 I was fresh. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
1484 I am in no mood to crack a joke 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1485 Fall off that wall again?” “No, the ramp was very slippery. 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1486 I've never witnessed such a competitive Easter Egg hunt. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1487 They kept saying ALL EGGS MATTER! 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1488 Yes I fell, but no, my name is not Humpty. 1.2778 0.03944 180 137 36 7
1489 Insurance would only reimburse some of the king's horses. 1.2778 0.04461 180 144 22 14
1490 I stupidly called out "ALL eggs matter. 1.2778 0.04173 180 140 30 10
1491 Horses! The idiot thought his horses could patch me up! 1.2778 0.04022 180 138 34 8
1492 I could have done with this pick-me-up earlier 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1493 All the king's men and all the king's horses......and not one doctor? 1.2778 0.04098 180 139 32 9
1494 Tough break, kid 1.2774 0.04345 155 119 29 7
1495 And to top it off, I still don't know my HDL from my LDL. 1.2771 0.04491 166 131 24 11
1496 There are 2 r's in Barr. 1.2771 0.04409 166 130 26 10
1497 All I said was, 'Eggs Matter, too.' 1.2762 0.04153 181 141 30 10
1498 And then she said she felt like she was walking on eggshells 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1499 You should see the guy who got beaten and poached. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1500 Yeah, well, I got a millions likes on TikTok. 1.2753 0.04346 178 141 25 12
1501 They say it’s “white fragility” 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 32 8
1502 I hate brunch 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1503 Domest-egg Violence 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1504 I want to get back together. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1505 I mean it's 2020, folks have gotta stop walking on eggshells. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1506 I'm was so embarrassed...my only consolation is that in 10 years no one will remember my name. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1507 Then he slugged me when I called him an Egghead. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1508 I'm telling you, those horses did a lousy job. 1.2753 0.03883 178 135 37 6
1509 So it turns out I'm not as hard boiled as I thought. 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1510 As it turns out, the yoke was on me! 1.2753 0.04490 178 143 21 14
1511 Yeh,I'm together again,no thanks to the King,his horses,or his men. 1.2753 0.03716 178 133 41 4
1512 This chick is going to be the end of me. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1513 That Trump rally wasn't all it was cracked up to be! 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1514 No more cracks, thank you 1.2753 0.03716 178 133 41 4
1515 All in all, I wish they hadn’t been able. 1.2753 0.04004 178 139 30 9
1516 Straight up - I've been on the rocks all morning. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1517 I'm re-opening everything tonight, barkeep, so keep it coming 1.2753 0.04346 178 141 25 12
1518 I have sworn off Harvey Wallbangers for good. 1.2753 0.04272 178 140 27 11
1519 No, it wasn't just a wall. It was Wall Street. 1.2753 0.04198 178 139 29 10
1520 The horses only made it worse. 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1521 Horses really don't help. 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
1522 I only asked if he served eggs 1.2745 0.04373 153 118 28 7
1523 It's getting bad. Now I'm falling off the wagon. 1.2745 0.04373 153 118 28 7
1524 Don't ask...its a long rhyme 1.2733 0.04624 150 118 23 9
1525 They said I was with the Huevos Rancheros cartel and pushed me off the wall. 1.2727 0.04222 176 138 28 10
1526 Summer has been pretty rough, but I'm still hoping for a great fall. 1.2727 0.04298 176 139 26 11
1527 It all began with that damn Chicken! 1.2727 0.04066 176 136 32 8
1528 ....and Believe me, The King's Horses were No Help At All." 1.2727 0.04045 154 116 34 4
1529 Autumn was great. But the fall... 1.2722 0.04547 158 125 23 10
1530 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wagon. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1531 I’m trying to look at things sunny side up, but I’ll tell ya...it’s not over easy 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1532 More bridges. Less walls. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1533 I stood up told him I wasn't a chicken... 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1534 Turns out, I wasn’t all I was cracked up to be. 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1535 When the dish ran away with the spoon...yeah, I thought THAT was bad. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1536 Could you get me a shorter chair? 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1537 At least with all the sports starting back up, it’s shaping up to be a great fall... I crack myself up... ha! I did it again. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1538 So the fennel says to the celery, ‘She’s mixing us up.’ Imagine that, a talking vegetable. 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1539 It just doesn’t make sense to let horses perform that kind of procedure, know what I mean? 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1540 You really crack me up, Joe. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1541 I’ll tell you Joe, being an egg is not what it’s cracked up to be 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1542 And then the soda jerk says, that’s how I make an egg cream. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1543 Sometimes I wish they didn’t put me back together. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1544 I tell ya, man. I’d take all the King’s horses over this healthcare system. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1545 My wife left me calling me a crackhead, can you believe that... 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1546 all I said that all egg whites matter. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1547 I don’t know why they didn’t call the king’s women the first time around. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1548 Make it a double pal, I feel like I’m cracking up! 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1549 You know, sometimes life can be hard-boiled and you feel scrambled inside, but I say just take it over easy and see the sunny side up. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1550 And maybe a side of Elmer's. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1551 I think it is about time you get a stunt double. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1552 Make a it a double, I need to get pickled 1.2717 0.04190 173 134 29 9
1553 Beat the egg,” he says 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1554 Not sure if I can hold my liquor right now 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1555 It was the worse lay ever. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1556 My wife has been driving me up the wall. 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1557 The king's horses and the king's men? Maybe someone should have called the king's doctor. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1558 Worse yet, I had to pay for His Wall. 1.2717 0.03855 173 131 37 5
1559 “You’re right, it was a good fall. It just wasn’t a great one.” 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1560 Let's just say I live life a little too much on the edge. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1561 I keep tellin' ya, it was a verrry slippery wall. You wouldn't believe the ice on that wall. Soooo slippery. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1562 And that's not all... then came the HORSES! 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1563 Finally they called the king's physician, and here I am! 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1564 None of the king's horses or king's men could put me together again. But there was this one wonderful nurse. . . . 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1565 Make it a double! It‘s been a shell of a day! 1.2717 0.04573 173 140 19 14
1566 The job description said, 'must not crack under pressure,' but I didn't take it literally. 1.2717 0.04109 173 133 31 8
1567 I fell off the wagon, and then off the wall. 1.2717 0.03855 173 131 37 5
1568 That's the last time I fall off the wagon! 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1569 And one for the wall. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1570 Something to make me whole again, please. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1571 It was one of the king's horses, I swear! 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1572 It was NOT a great fall ... 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1573 I had a run in with Egg Beaters. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1574 And most people don't realize that every time they say that horrid nursery rhyme... 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1575 Yes. I AM sure I don't want a Harvey Wallbanger! 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1576 This is the best that all the King's horses and all the King's men could do...Better make that a double, please! 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1577 The other guy? What a yokel. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1578 I'm beat. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1579 This Humpty Dumpty gig is a lot tougher than I imagined.... 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1580 If you must know, it was all the king’s horses. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1581 Actually, I fell off a bar stool. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1582 Feeling a bit scrambled today. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1583 The horses just stood there! No opposable thumbs! 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1584 And don't even get me started about the king's horses. 1.2717 0.03855 173 131 37 5
1585 My mother puts so much pressure on me. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1586 The rooster found us in bed and realized it was the chicken AND the egg. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1587 A dozen of us walked into a bar... 1.2717 0.04190 173 134 29 9
1588 Don't tell anybody I fell off a bar-stool. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1589 This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail. It was like this really, really, really steep ice skating rink. Brutal. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1590 Horses? Men? Forget that holistic New Age stuff. I need a drink. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1591 Guy couldn't take a yolk. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1592 No, this is still from the fall of 2016. 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1593 Are you serious! Where’s your mask! 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1594 I awoke with my sunny side up. But the clock said 8 and I said “Oh no, omelette for work!” When I arrived, my secretary quiched me hard and shouted "Fritatas!". By the end of the day, I was fried. Now I'm raw, cracked, and a shell of my former self. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1595 I feel like a Harvey Wallbanger 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1596 Another three minutes and I would have been on toast. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1597 They warn you about walls, but never stress fractures. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1598 Quite honestly, I think the horses did more harm than good. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1599 What do you have for a splitting headache? 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1600 I don't know, she just doesn't crack me up like she used to... 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1601 Over easy, will ya? I'm already cracked. I don't need to get fried. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1602 But the worst part was all those crazy horses and men. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1603 If I hear one more 'fell off the wagon' joke... 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 28 9
1604 No, I was his third national Security Advisor. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1605 All the king's horses and all the king's men. That's who! 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1606 Sure falling off the wagon hurt. But it was a walk in the park after that wall. 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
1607 I wasn't expecting today's vegan protests to turn so ugly. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1608 I feel so light-headed since the chicken got out. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1609 Have one with me, Joe. I'm drinking to 11 friends who weren't so lucky. 1.2717 0.03767 173 130 39 4
1610 Vegans are pretty militant these days huh? 1.2717 0.04424 173 138 23 12
1611 I got beat up at a BLM rally by some brown eggs because of my white shell. I told them we are all yellow in the middle. 1.2717 0.04109 173 133 31 8
1612 I didn't know the wall wasn't finished 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1613 It was freaky Sam, I was just sitting on this wall..... 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1614 Crossing the road isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1615 Scrambled, not shaken. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1616 Anything, as long as it's not on the rocks. 1.2717 0.04347 173 137 25 11
1617 I'm not as hard-boiled as I'm cracked up to be. 1.2717 0.03942 173 132 35 6
1618 Not only that, but now I have to buy a round for all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1619 Seriously, Tim, how did you get this gin fizz so frothy? 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1620 I’m not one to complain, but this barstool is uneven.” 1.2717 0.04190 173 135 29 9
1621 Nobody believes that I was pushed. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1622 Turns out all the king’s horses and men were just major donors. 1.2715 0.04500 151 118 25 8
1623 It was going well until they brought in the horses 1.2715 0.04401 151 117 27 7
1624 By any chance was I in here yesterday? 1.2715 0.04299 151 116 29 6
1625 I’ll take an egg cream, hold the egg 1.2701 0.04325 174 138 25 11
1626 Love's not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2701 0.03964 174 136 30 8
1627 That was one rough carton. 1.2701 0.04476 174 140 21 13
1628 An where were all the King's men when I needed them? 1.2701 0.04401 174 139 23 12
1629 I could only do 11 steps. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
1630 I thought this time would be different. 1.2680 0.04544 153 121 23 9
1631 Does it look like Coronavirus?! 1.2671 0.04269 146 112 29 5
1632 I hate to say it, but horses make terrible surgeons." 1.2671 0.04157 146 111 31 4
1633 Imagine, what will the bird be like. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
1634 Make it a double. Hospital kicked me out 'cause insurance called this a pre-existing condition. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
1635 Let all the King’s horses buy their own drinks this time. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
1636 I tried to end egg white supremacy with peaceful protest 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1637 Broke doesn’t even begin to cover it, Harold. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1638 Really not looking forward to next fall 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1639 She told me I didn’t belong here so I said to the chicken “I was here first”! 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1640 I never get laid. The chicken wants to come first, but I crack under the pressure. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1641 Make American Fragile Again -Trumpty Dumbty 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1642 and then they said it’ll be OVER EASY... 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1643 I might be fragile, but I’m not broken. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1644 They said they could have done more if the King’s horses hadn’t intervened 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1645 ...The first wall didn't kill me, but I'm afraid this new border wall will be the end of me 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1646 Oh no I’ll be fine joe I’m just having a 2020 kinda day 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1647 Great for whom exactly? 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1648 It’s all been downhill since Humpty dumped me... 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1649 rough day at work huh? 1.2663 0.04559 169 137 19 13
1650 I was supposed to be sunny side up, not beaten. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1651 The fall, the king's men, the king's horses. Then all I could get was a virtual doctor visit. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1652 ..so I'm sitting on the wall with the Queen.. 1.2663 0.03982 169 130 33 6
1653 What do you recommend for an Egg’sistential Crisis? 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1654 Mr. Dumpty was my dad. Call me Humpty. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1655 I didn't go Ova Easy. 1.2663 0.04559 169 137 19 13
1656 First the wall, now the wagon. This is not my week. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1657 The doctor says I'm suffering from shell shock. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1658 I guess I shouldn't have egged him on. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1659 She called me fragile, Jim. She said emotionally, but I know she was talking about my shell. 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1660 The last thing I remember is hearing someone say “omelet”. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1661 Never get medical attention from the King's horses!" 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1662 Where's the restroom? That's going to go right through me. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1663 Yeah, the damn horses were completely useless, but all the King’s men actually did put me back together again—sort of—and the booze at least numbs the pain. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1664 So then this humongous chicken comes in and says, "I was here first.' 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1665 It seemed like such a good place to isolate. 1.2663 0.03707 169 127 39 3
1666 At least they didn't teargas me. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1667 But I”m not drinking to the King, his horses or his men. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1668 Straight please..I've already been on the rocks today 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1669 They said there would be a wall but all I found was angry people in red hats. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1670 Ever have one of those days when you just can’t get it together? 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1671 I’m gonna call you The Catapulter, if you can get me back up there with these couple of pops, pal.” 1.2663 0.04481 169 136 21 12
1672 So that was my day, how are the wife and kids? 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1673 Someone told a funny joke that cracked me up. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1674 I better not...I have a habit of losing my balance. 1.2663 0.03707 169 127 39 3
1675 He said I egged him on. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1676 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn’t do it. Let’s try scotch. 1.2663 0.04481 169 136 21 12
1677 I DID have a great fall. Winter and spring, don't ask. 1.2663 0.03611 169 131 33 5
1678 Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a great fall at all. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1679 I've had a rough day. Please don't tell me you don't serve eggs here! 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1680 And then I said "Who are you calling an egghead"? 1.2663 0.04481 169 136 21 12
1681 I'm tired of taking the fall 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1682 People are saying that no one has ever seen anything like it. They said, "Sir, it was the GREATEST fall of all time. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1683 They messed up, but I had to take the fall. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1684 I guess that big beautiful wall wasn't such a good idea after all. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1685 And who do you think crossed first? 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1686 I was just sitting on the border wall minding my own business. When they told me to come down, I said I would not as I was Humpty Dumpty. The rest is history. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1687 No! Not the eggnog! 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1688 I’m telling ya, what really hurts is that silly rhyme some joker made up. Still wakes me up at night. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1689 It's so hard maintaining such a hard-boiled demeanour... I guess I just cracked under the pressure. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1690 I still don't get what was so great about it. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1691 Put a round for all the king's horses and all the king's men on my tab 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1692 All I could hear were all the kings men yelling "Omlet"!!! 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1693 I've been reading White Fragility, and I gotta say, it's really resonating. 1.2663 0.03892 169 133 27 8
1694 No one really thinks through what “Defund the King’s Horsemen!” means until it’s too late. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1695 You can bet I'm not falling for that 'Build the Wall' line again this November. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1696 You know, I was never really together in the first place. 1.2663 0.03801 169 128 37 4
1697 I know what the rhyme says, but they tried anyway. 1.2663 0.03982 169 130 33 6
1698 I didn’t know it was Trump’s wall 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1699 I feel like a grade A idiot. 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1700 Just don't pour me anything on the rocks! 1.2663 0.04069 169 131 31 7
1701 That Goose dame made it look like a fall. She'll do anything for a good rhyme! 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1702 I walked into a bar. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1703 You should see the other guy-he's got egg all over his face. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1704 How to hell was I supposed to know that it was Trump's goddamned wall! 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1705 My mind is a little scrambled but otherwise, I am ok. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1706 They should defund all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1707 And the horses always make it worse ... 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
1708 Wall, wagon, whatever. I'm falling off of everything today. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1709 Turns out that all King's men were out-of-network 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1710 It wasn't easy but I was here first, long before the chicken 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
1711 I'm on my break. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1712 Why do you think I had a great fall to begin with? 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
1713 It was a tough day on Wall Street. . . 1.2662 0.04517 154 122 23 9
1714 When the cops showed up, the chicken was already gone. 1.2657 0.04205 143 109 30 4
1715 Let’s just say, some of the King’s men wanted me scrambled. 1.2657 0.04543 143 112 24 7
1716 So then all the king's horses and all the king's men said 'eh, good enough for government work. 1.2654 0.04271 162 127 27 8
1717 Today I was the breaking news. 1.2654 0.04181 162 126 29 7
1718 I answered "the egg" but the chicken disagreed. 1.2654 0.04088 162 125 31 6
1719 Robert Frost said it best: "Something there is that doesn't love a wall." 1.2654 0.04360 162 128 25 9
1720 No, make it neat 1.2653 0.04561 147 116 23 8
1721 I got let go. 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
1722 I don’t get it they were very fine people on both sides. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1723 I wouldn’t say is was a “great” fall. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 33 5
1724 No yoke...better make that a double ... 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1725 I didn’t know it was ‘the wall’, he just kept going on about how great it was, ‘a great, great wall’, meanwhile I’m lying there in pieces. 1.2651 0.04615 166 135 18 13
1726 Take it from me, constitutional monarchy as a form of government is finished. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1727 My memories of last night are mostly scrambled. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1728 ‘Free Range’ isn’t without its temptations Bill 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1729 Make it a double. It’s been a rough 3 years. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1730 The King's men put me together but it was President's men who pushed me off in the first place 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1731 Getting pickled is all I have left! 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1732 I just need a break... 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1733 It’s about time all the king’s bartenders got some credit. 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1734 To add insult to injury, this guy on TV keeps bragging about building the wall. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1735 Listen,I know all about white fragility. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1736 Fred, did I ever tell you, you crack me up! 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1737 Damn, white privilege is a bitch. 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1738 Martini, scrambled, not stirred. 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1739 I nearly dyed. 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1740 Great fall? Fake News! I was pushed. 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1741 First I fell off the wall, then I fell off the wagon. 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1742 Oh, I don't know, Glen. I just feel like I can't get the pieces back together again. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1743 I'd rather be a loner than come out of my shell! 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1744 The Dumpty part of my name just came true! 1.2651 0.03838 166 126 36 4
1745 Make that whiskey and cream with a grinding of nutmeg. I’ll do the rest 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1746 I keep tellin’ ya Moe, I’ll pay ya when I’m not broke 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1747 The King's horses spooked and trampled me, and his men left me to pick up the pieces. 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1748 And don’t get me started on the king’s horses. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1749 One of these days Joe, they’re not gonna be able to do it. 1.2651 0.03978 166 130 29 7
1750 All I said was “I came first!” 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1751 You gotta be careful what you say these days. You know what I mean? It’s like waking on eggshells. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1752 I wasn't drunk, I was pushed! 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1753 It's not always a happy ending, ya know? 1.2651 0.03741 166 130 30 6
1754 My day was not over easy. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1755 Put me together again, Sam. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1756 You're sure this'll put me together again? 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1757 I wish those horses had never found that UTube video on how to put me back together. 1.2651 0.04615 166 135 18 13
1758 ...and then I told that cop walking on a public sidewalk wasn’t a crime. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1759 I had to fight. They said beneath my hard outer shell, I was really just a chicken. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1760 I swear, Tommy, you make one 'white fragility' crack and I'm drinking elsewhere. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1761 A Harvey Wallbanger... a little on the nose isn't it? 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1762 Maybe it’s just me, but every day is beginning to feel like ‘hump day’. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1763 If I'd been here instead of the wall, it probably wouldn't have happened 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1764 The horses were fine but all the king’s men were disbanded in 2018. 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1765 No alcohol for me, I'm fertile. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1766 You are looking a little fragile today, Mr. H 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1767 Humpty Dumpty sits on a stool in great disrepair as he awaits alcohol to assuage his despair but the drink may cause him to lose his balance and fall to the floor in shattered silence 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1768 I need that drink before I totally crack up 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1769 I’ll have it shaken, not scrambled. 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1770 Things aren’t cracked up to what they use to be. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1771 I prefer with ice, not “on the rocks” 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1772 So then I said to him, "Yeah, I'm one tough egg to crack..." 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1773 Actually, it was a haughty spirit that came first. 1.2651 0.04495 166 136 17 13
1774 All theKings horses and all the Kings men and not one lousy MASH unit ! 1.2651 0.04454 166 133 22 11
1775 Hump me dump me 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1776 No thanks, I'm done with anything top-shelf for a while. 1.2651 0.04287 166 131 26 9
1777 I don't know what's so "great" about it. 1.2651 0.04023 166 128 32 6
1778 My therapist says it’s a repetition compulsion. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
1779 I swear I’m not fertilized 1.2647 0.04299 170 135 25 10
1780 Sigh. I thought I was hard-boiled. 1.2639 0.04621 144 114 22 8
1781 Turns out, she wasn’t THAT into ovaphilia 1.2635 0.04179 167 131 28 8
1782 Dirty Dozen? Why 1.2624 0.04461 141 110 25 6
1783 Just another girl who said I look nothing like my Tinder pic. 1.2624 0.04346 141 109 27 5
1784 Who sends horses to mend an egg? 1.2621 0.04797 145 117 18 10
1785 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men were in Tulsa. 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1786 On the rocks ? 1.2617 0.04301 149 115 27 6
1787 The king’s horses were absolutely NO help! 1.2606 0.04082 142 108 31 3
1788 First all the king's horses tried. 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
1789 Who asked them to put me back together? 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
1790 I think it was one of the horses. 1.2603 0.04243 146 113 28 5
1791 It was the wall again 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1792 I hope nobody writes a song about this. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1793 I gotta tell you, the fall, not so great. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1794 That yolk isn’t funny anymore. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1795 Not today, Bill, I got too smashed last night 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1796 I used to be a nest egg, and look what they did to me 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1797 There I was, just sitting on a wall watching the protest when, out of nowhere, a rubber bullet knocks me right off. Now I can’t seem to put myself back together again. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1798 Do I look like a bocce ball to you? 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1799 Actually, the fall itself wasn't that bad; ... but then, what with all the king's horses and king's men trampling all over everything; ... And the media, ...Oh God, ... the media; ... you can just imagine how they're going to play all this, ... 1.2593 0.04597 162 132 18 12
1800 You probably heard that I'm suing all the king's horses. 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1801 Why, yes, it was a rough day on Wall Street. 1.2593 0.04513 162 131 20 11
1802 Sam I Am got laid off today. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1803 Fell off the wall again, eh? 1.2593 0.04513 162 131 20 11
1804 He just wouldn't stop egging me on. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1805 I could really use a pick-me-up. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1806 I guess so...I've already fallen off of one wagon today. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1807 I just got dumped. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1808 As should be obvious even to you, old friend, I was rolled. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1809 You'll have to start a tab, I'm broke! 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1810 I'm a shell of my former self. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1811 Make it a double, I have to pull myself together. 1.2593 0.04513 162 131 20 11
1812 And I didn't wear a mask, either. 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1813 Gimme a double. I got another kid's show at 4. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1814 So I said...No...the Egg came first! 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1815 Bumper cars are not a good first date. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1816 When did they stop putting sawdust on the floor? 1.2583 0.04552 151 121 21 9
1817 Got a splitting egg-ache 1.2579 0.03911 159 122 33 4
1818 2020, am I right? 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1819 I don’t know whether I should drink it or douse myself with it 1.2579 0.04739 159 131 15 13
1820 It's crazy out there man...everyone's tryin' to bake. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1821 Let me tell you, life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1822 Hit me again, Barkeep. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1823 Turns out that hooves aren't well suited for delicate surgical procedures. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1824 You work in hospitality too? This one’s on the house 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1825 I got dumped. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1826 As it turns out America was not that great again 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1827 Same old story 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1828 Yeah, she dumped me. 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1829 Then someone shouted: "omlette!" 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1830 Fortunately, all the King's horses were in network so I was just out the co-pay. 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1831 Hope you have another bottle. It’s been a pretty rough day for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men too. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1832 I know I told her 7 minutes. 1.2579 0.03911 159 122 33 4
1833 I drank HOW MANY tequilas last night??? 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1834 Yep, I fell off the wall again and it looks like I'm gonna fall off the wagon, too! 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1835 I mean the King's horses didn't even have hands! Like hello, right? 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1836 I need a drink to unscramble my head 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1837 And I can also put my toothpaste back into the tube. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1838 Anything fruity with painkillers. And make it a double. 1.2579 0.04568 159 129 19 11
1839 I said, "I'm really a good egg, but he still cracked me." 1.2579 0.04568 159 129 19 11
1840 I sense a bad yolk here. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1841 I'd really prefer a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2579 0.04391 159 126 22 9
1842 She kept pecking and pecking screaming ," Who came first? Who came first?" Total "Twilight Zone". 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1843 It’s a good thing you’re hard boiled 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1844 Those darn poachers nearly killed me 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1845 All I said was "Boiled lives matter," and I'M the bad guy. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1846 Believe me, this was no harmless shell game! 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1847 So, this egg walks into a bar... 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1848 All the King's horses, my ass! Doesn't that idiot realize horses don't have fingers or opposable thumbs? How the heck could THEY possibly put me back together? 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1849 They did some research. Turns out that horses are not that effective in putting Humpty together again. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1850 They told me I lost a lot of yolk. 1.2579 0.03911 159 122 33 4
1851 Just the nog. 1.2579 0.04568 159 129 19 11
1852 Just a single - wifey hates pickled eggs. 1.2577 0.04402 163 131 22 10
1853 Tough breakup? 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1854 What's good for a splitting headache? 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1855 Are you sure Reagan is dead? 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1856 Trump's wall wasn't so tall. 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1857 Those paramedic horses the king sent are incompetent. 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1858 The king's men were a help, but what genius proposed those horses 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1859 Yes, I'm obviously in recovery, and that's why I want the booze. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1860 I tell ya, that chiropractor is getting a 1-star review 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1861 Yeah man, she's into some kinky stuff. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1862 I knew something was wrong when the king sent those stupid horses to put me together again. 1.2569 0.04489 144 114 23 7
1863 Another nursery rye, please. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1864 And it's only Monday 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1865 Let be the first to tell you. This so called wall is far from perfect. 1.2563 0.04182 160 126 27 7
1866 ...and then they said the fall was worse than the push. 1.2563 0.04543 160 130 19 11
1867 This isn't an omlette bar, is it? 1.2563 0.04628 160 131 17 12
1868 I understand I’m young and a bit naive but I really thought they were being sincere when they said All lives matter 1.2561 0.04292 164 131 24 9
1869 The horses made it worse, honestly 1.2555 0.04520 137 108 23 6
1870 All I said was, “All eggs have the same nutritional value...” 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
1871 The kings men wanted a Covid test first... 1.2555 0.04637 137 109 21 7
1872 The men were doing OK - it was the horses that botched things up. 1.2555 0.04520 137 108 23 6
1873 No man. I was pushed by the f**king cops. 1.2553 0.04318 141 110 26 5
1874 Hit me as hard as you can. 1.2552 0.04567 145 116 21 8
1875 None of the King's horses, but the Queen's horse, Elmer...he got the job done. 1.2552 0.04353 145 114 25 6
1876 It's Mr. Dumpty to you Pal. 1.2552 0.04461 145 115 23 7
1877 Hard day huh 1.2548 0.04687 157 129 16 12
1878 When they said “great fall” I honestly thought they meant autumn. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1879 You say the statue of the king riding his horse fell on you? 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1880 Turns out the king's horses are not particularly good at egg reconstruction. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1881 Double nog, hold the egg. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1882 Actually my name’s Mike 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1883 ‘Don’t mention the wall!’ 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1884 You know that one where an egg walks into a bar? Always cracks me up. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1885 One round for all the Kings’ Men! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1886 Whisked, not stirred 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1887 Melania finally snapped! 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1888 As you can see, I’ve been grievously injured, but I’ve opted to go to a drinking establishment instead of a hospital. Also I am an egg. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1889 And then I said ‘can this year get any worse ?’ 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1890 Make it a double...actually, just leave the bottle. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1891 Another one can’t hurt. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1892 First the wall, now the wagon ... 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1893 So this guy says to me, “Make like an egg and beat it!” 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1894 The ramp was steep 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1895 I don’t know why all the king’s HORSES had to help... 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1896 This would have turned out better if the current king actually paid his contractors. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1897 ...and then there was this ramp... 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1898 This is what you get for finishing first 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1899 All the King’s horses and all the king’s men refused to put me back together because I don’t have health insurance 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1900 I kinda doubt Mexico’s gonna pay for these medical bills. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1901 Sheez...This time ‘All the king’s men’ had tasers and tear gas 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1902 I had a great fall, actually, it was March when things started going downhill. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1903 If I hadn't taken a dip in the hot tub I'd be a goner. 1.2548 0.03824 157 125 26 6
1904 And I said “YOU hate walking on eggshells?” 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1905 Don't believe a word they say! It's never a great fall. Look at this body... 1.2548 0.04774 157 130 14 13
1906 - You really look like you’re falling apart my friend. This one’s on the house. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1907 Humpty Trumpty fell off his wall. Humpty Trumpty will have a bad Fall. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1908 One minute I’m holding a general’s hand and the next I’m in pieces at the bottom of the ramp. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1909 No, not on the rocks please! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1910 I can use a pick-me-up. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1911 It was a ramp this time. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1912 You know what puts me back together again, Charlie. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1913 I’m just saying, Obamacare worked better for me than the royal health plan. I’m not even sure the King’s men and horses had even basic medical training. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1914 No, it wasn't great at all. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1915 What I need is all the king's gin. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1916 I'm cracking Joe, but they can't beat me. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1917 It was a good joke, Tom. I just can't crack up anymore. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1918 Honestly, I just need to get laid. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1919 All the horses and men were just standing around. I guess eventually someone called 911. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1920 The bodycams tell the real story. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1921 No more Joe! I finally figured out why I keep falling off the wall! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1922 You should see the bacon. 1.2548 0.04858 157 131 12 14
1923 Make it a double and put it on The King's tab. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1924 Anything except a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1925 The fall was bad. This spring was worse... 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1926 Make it a double. I have a splitting head-egg. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1927 Why do they make these bar stools so damn high? 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1928 Hopefully, this stool is sturdier than that wall. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1929 No eggnog, thanks. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1930 A jigger of your finest spackling paste my good man! 1.2548 0.04325 157 124 24 8
1931 Humpty told me this could be my big break. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1932 Anyway, had a great Fall. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1933 On the rocks?! Are you sure that’s a good idea? 1.2548 0.04774 157 130 14 13
1934 I may not look it, but i'm totally fried. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1935 Can you put me together a gin? 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1936 You look like I could use a drink 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1937 Make it a double-my boss doesn't believe in coddling. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1938 Then all the king's men beat the crap out of me. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1939 That was NOT a great fall... 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1940 Things were easier when I was young and coddled. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1941 Wall ... Street. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1942 I'm okay. Just a bit shell-shocked. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1943 Thank goodness I was hardboiled! 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1944 I’m all done with wall-sitting 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1945 I don’t know how many more times I can keep picking up all the pieces. 1.2548 0.03715 157 119 36 2
1946 No, no, Scotch TAPE 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1947 Don't ask me why he let the Horses try first! 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1948 Some days you come in first, other days the chicken comes in first. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1949 It's awfully hard to have King's horses and men putting me back together during social distancing. 1.2548 0.03981 157 123 27 6
1950 What's my story? I sat on a wall, and I had a great fall, yada, yada, yada, ... " 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1951 The king's men all said it was a hoax. The horses did what they could. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1952 Make it a double. I'm having an egg-istential crisis today. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1953 I had a great fall, but man this summer is kicking my ass. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1954 Yeah, the King's men did all right, but I could've done without the horses. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1955 I fell off the wall trying to do socially distanacing. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1956 No thanks. I've already had one too many Harvey Wallbangers today. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1957 She told me she liked her eggs beaten, so I went to a Trump rally. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1958 And then he told me I didn't have a visa and pushed me right over! 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1959 Being on a wall ain’t all it’s cracked up to be! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1960 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men didn’t help. Thought I’d try hair of the dog. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1961 Humpty Trumpty fell off his Wall. 1.2548 0.04687 157 129 16 12
1962 Yeah? Well trust me, fame’s not all it’s cracked up to be! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1963 Most people think of me as hard-boiled. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1964 I'm just glad I'm hard-boiled. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1965 And for what? CAKE? 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1966 It was a massive scramble, the free-range guys cracked first 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1967 My summer was great, but then I had an awful fall. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1968 My lawyer says I have a strong suit against all the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1969 All I said was, do you really need another donut? 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1970 I did it to myself, Sam, with all my bigger, better, taller wall talk. 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1971 Trumpty Dumpty rented a hall Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall Pranked by TikTokers Punked by K-Poppers He was not amused His ego got bruised 1.2548 0.04599 157 128 18 11
1972 It wasn't a wall. It was the wagon. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1973 All the King's horses and all the King's men didn't work. Maybe a Wallbanger will do the trick. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1974 So we are in an open bar in New York and you think that a talking egg that’s been beaten in sureal? 1.2548 0.04774 157 130 14 13
1975 This is my first drink in eleven years. I fell of the wall. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1976 All the King's horses just laughed. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1977 I was sitting there minding my own business, but he just kept egging me on. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1978 The guy just wouldn't stop egging me on. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1979 That’s the problem. The cops can’t tell the good eggs from the bad ones. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1980 Forget the horses and the men. Where were all the King’s surgeons? 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1981 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men don’t take Medicare. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1982 'Just one day in that Oval Office . . ." 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1983 How about a shot of happily ever after? 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1984 Would have been a mess if I wasn't so hard boiled. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1985 Thanks Hank. This is the only place that puts me back together anymore. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1986 I was first in line until some chicken came along. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1987 After the spring and summer we've had so far, we can only hope to have a great fall 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1988 It was indeed a great fall 1.2535 0.04406 142 112 24 6
1989 The horses were only trying to help. 1.2535 0.04173 142 110 28 4
1990 I know all the king's horses meant well. 1.2535 0.04291 142 110 26 5
1991 All I did was sneeze! 1.2532 0.03969 154 119 31 4
1992 Sir, I'm going to need you to put on a mask. 1.2532 0.03969 154 119 31 4
1993 If I can’t stay on the wall, why the hell stay on the wagon? 1.2532 0.04566 154 125 19 10
1994 Horses! Have you ever heard of a horse that put anything back together? I knew that was it for me right there. 1.2532 0.03861 154 118 33 3
1995 So I’m thinking this next stimulus check will actually put me back together again 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
1996 I think I really scrambled my brain. 1.2532 0.04376 154 123 23 8
1997 Oh, you're American? I don't think I can put you back together again. 1.2532 0.04566 154 125 19 10
1998 I was just sitting up there on the wall minding my own Humpty business, when out of the blue the Chicken starts yelling at me about who got there first... Then WHAM!!! - next thing I know, I'm kissing the sidewalk. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
1999 Is this what they mean by white fragility? 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
2000 It's time to call Henny Penny 1.2532 0.04566 154 125 19 10
2001 I guess I didn't know what to expect from a peaceful protest in front of the White House. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
2002 On the other hand, cage fighting is everything it's cracked up to be." 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
2003 Look at me. Can you imagine if I wasn't hard-boiled? 1.2532 0.04660 158 130 16 12
2004 Hence the term egg beater. 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
2005 Yeah, spring has been terrible, but I had a great fall. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2006 Tell me that's not a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2532 0.04484 158 128 20 10
2007 Sheesh. All I said was I wanted to SIT on their wall. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2008 Fall? Nah, I jumped. Hey, they were egging me on. 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
2009 Well, you see there was this wall. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2010 And then the veterinarian clamped on the forceps and yelled, “Push!” 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
2011 All the kings horses and all the kings men, and I still can’t get a decent drink around here 1.2518 0.04343 139 109 25 5
2012 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men regard this as a “pre-existing condition.” 1.2518 0.04343 139 109 25 5
2013 only in new york, baby. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2014 Thanks for listening Bill, I’m just worried about if the GOP cares about my health when I’m no longer just an egg” 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2015 only one tonight, Steve. Otherwise i’ll be bouncing off the walls again 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2016 It was peaceful until all the king’s men started using tear gas. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2017 Another tough day on the wall? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2018 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall. Humpty Dumpty has a high ball. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2019 I can’t believe they egged you on like that, buddy. This ones on the house. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2020 2020 walks into a bar 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2021 Being an egghead isn’t all it’s cracked up to be 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2022 Don’t egg me on 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2023 So now whenever I hear about Trump wanting to build that wall it just makes my yolk sizzle. 1.2500 0.04873 152 127 12 13
2024 Not sure why they thought all the King’s horses would be of any help... 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2025 How’s your day been? 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2026 My mother abandoned me again 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2027 Apparently it was some sort of photo op! 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2028 And to top it all off, Trump said I'm ANTIFA. 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2029 And then the King’s horses got involved... 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2030 Oh well, you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2031 Who thought horses was a good idea? 1.2500 0.04217 132 102 27 3
2032 all the kings horses and all the kings men are still in quarantine 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2033 Worse than the wall--I fell off the wagon. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2034 The King canceled my health insurance. What are his horses supposed to do? 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2035 Never serve me another Wallbanger. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2036 I got beat up for poaching! 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2037 No thanks, Barkeep. I fall off this stool one more time and I'm done for. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2038 The wall was beautiful, tremendous. I probably should not have sat on it. 1.2500 0.04691 152 125 16 11
2039 Usually I'm a wallflower, but I became the hit of the party when it was time to make the eggnog. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2040 I'm not in the mood for any of your cracks today! 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2041 And then the King's Men gave it a shot, but by that time the horses had bungled the whole thing. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2042 To be honest, it wasn't a great fall. 1.2500 0.03877 152 117 32 3
2043 Only Trump would call it "a great fall." 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2044 My therapist says this is an easier way to come out of my shell. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2045 Wall Street had a great fall! 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2046 i didn't have health insurance so i unfortunately had to rely on all the king's horses and all the king's men.... 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2047 Looks like you fell off the wagon this time. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2048 Right now, I could use a little fix me up. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2049 Let's just call it a glass, not a tumbler...... 1.2500 0.04403 152 121 22 8
2050 "Now I know what you meant with 'stay off the beaten path' . 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2051 If you think this is bad, you should see my brother Benedict. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2052 Life is not what it cracked up to be 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2053 Build a wall! Build a wall!" they said. They don't have a clue what that means for some of us 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2054 You know I'm not really a bad egg. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2055 There’s plenty of room, they said. We’ll make it a baker’s dozen, they said. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2056 A little more humpty, a little less dumpty. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2057 Getting out of work was easy, Homeschooling 3 kids not so much. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2058 I wish they'd just stop throwing us at things, you know? 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2059 You know, I was fine until those horses tried to help. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2060 You got it wrong, Charlie. I didn't FALL! It was Trump's wall. The border guards got me. 1.2500 0.04691 152 125 16 11
2061 I feel like a shell of a man 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2062 I sat on the wall and had a great fall, on the Mexico side. All the state's horses and all the state's men put me back together again, for half the cost. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2063 I think I've hit the breaking point. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2064 I Was The Only One Who Survived The Fall, Out of The 12 of Us 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2065 I have no clue how I got up there! 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2066 Wall Street. I should have known. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2067 Hard day on the wall? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2068 King's Scotch puts, all of me, together again. 1.2500 0.04873 152 127 12 13
2069 Mmmmm. That should put me back together! 1.2500 0.03988 152 118 30 4
2070 Turns out, you're not allowed to sit on top of our southern boarder wall! 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2071 Actually I was fine until the King's horses arrived" 1.2500 0.03988 152 118 30 4
2072 It was a great Fall... but this Spring is what really beat me up. 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2073 It was just a scratch until all the king’s horses and all the king’s men showed up. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2074 Well, let’s just say that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are not what they’re cracked up to be. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2075 Humpty Dumpty made the "last call" 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2076 All the king's horses and all the king's men turned out to be out-of-network. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2077 2020 in an eggshell, leave the bottle please. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2078 So I say, "All the king's horses!? All the king's men!? I need a damn doctor!" 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2079 It wasn't so much the fall; it was all those horses trying to help. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2080 I've learned my eyes really are bigger than my stomach. 1.2500 0.04769 140 113 17 9
2081 Protein. Shaken, not stirred. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2082 ...and I had to put myself back together. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2083 The king's horses and king's men didn't help, but that nice girl Jill from the other nursery rhyme did, using vinegar and brown paper. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2084 I'm a shell of who I used to be." 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2085 I feel just a shell of my former self 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2086 I guess I wasn’t as hard boiled as I thought I was. 1.2500 0.03988 152 118 30 4
2087 Perhaps a booth would be safer? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2088 I’m not going to the King. It was his men and horses that did this to me. 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
2089 So I said to all the king's men, "would you please just call a doctor!" 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
2090 If you're asking, life isn't all that it's cracked up to be. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2091 The King's horses are bad surgeons. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2092 I don't know what they didn't understand about over easy. 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2093 Have you ever had a horse try and put you back together? 1.2500 0.03877 152 117 32 3
2094 In my HMO, it's more King's horses than King's men. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
2095 So, then one of the king's men says, "Let's let the king's horses put him back together again." 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2096 I protested against the kings men 1.2500 0.04303 152 121 24 7
2097 A raw egg as a hangover cure? What are you, some kind of animal? 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
2098 I really don't think I'm cut out to be a hard-boiled private eye. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
2099 But Trump said the wall was gonna keep us safe 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2100 This better not be one of those drinks with raw me in it. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2101 I’ve given up on all the king’s cronies putting me together. Pour me another. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2102 ... And then he called me a Karen! 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2103 I hear it’s always sunny-side up in Philadelphia. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2104 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Suggested that Humpty drink some tonic and gin 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2105 Then they tell me that in just a few years the procedure will have advanced enough where you could barely tell I’d been put back together at all. Like that’s good news to me. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2106 No really, I'm not yoking 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2107 Honestly Bob, I’m just shattered 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2108 i'll tell you, high schoolers nowadays are not ready to have babies 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2109 I’ve never had problems with barstools before. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2110 I keep telling them, just one of the Queen’s women would get the job done but here we are again” 🤷🏼‍♀ 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2111 It was supposed to be a photo-op, but now I’ve egg all over my face. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2112 Trump’s wall really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2113 Fell off the wagon again huh? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2114 So how long were you on trump’s staff? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2115 I just wonder if I’m maybe I’m not doing the exercises right in my at home workout videos 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2116 I see you've fallen off the wagon again 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2117 Sat on the wall again, didja? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2118 Shaken. Not cracked. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2119 Doesn't matter who paid for it, I never thought the wall was a good idea 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2120 Man, I really should have let the chicken go first. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2121 An egg walked into a bar 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2122 ‘Say no to walls!’ 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2123 One of the King’s men pushed me, but they left that out of their official report. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2124 I’ll take whatever you have, just not on the rocks. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2125 You know, this time I think I'm on the edge of a real breakthrough 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2126 It’s like nobody can take a yolk anymore. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2127 Here’s your Wallbanger, Harvey. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2128 Hey, at least they didn’t tear gas you 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2129 Well how would you define insanity then? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2130 Not so over easy. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2131 All the kings horses and all the kings men are social distancing 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2132 This time it was bad, no yolk 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2133 I even showed the officer my press credentials 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2134 No one told me I was an egg. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2135 Every time I’m here it feels like I’m falling apart 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2136 Trump got mad because I have a wall 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2137 Trumpty Dumpty built a wall, Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2138 No Sam…I don’t want to hear your funny yoke… 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2139 No I'm serious, not a single one 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2140 I was really hoping for a seat in a booth today 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2141 I wish I didn’t have King’s Horses and Men health insurance. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2142 Bruised but not beaten. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2143 Fortunately, I'm hard-boiled. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2144 So my attorney says sue the King's men for malpractice, they never shoulda let their horses get involved in the operation. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2145 The king’s horses and the king’s men were worthless. Thank heavens for the king’s public health professionals. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2146 So much for being their nest egg. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2147 I'm thinking, Wall Street's not the best neighborhood for me. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2148 It was only then that I realized I was in an all-day breakfast diner. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2149 Sure, he sends all his horses and all his men. But did he wonder for one second why I was on that wall to begin with? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2150 Before you say it, yes, the chicken came first again! 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2151 To be honest, I'm still a bit shellshocked. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2152 Gimme something to remind me of the sunny side... 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2153 Let me tell you about white fragility! 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2154 My wife caught me with this Free Range chick and beat the 'devil outta me' ! 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2155 Sorry Sir, we don't serve breakfast here. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2156 The doctor says I may have to be scrambled. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2157 Make it a double. When I fell off the wall, they tried to turn me into an omelet! 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2158 My analyst says it's an eggsitential crisis. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2159 Make it a double. I’m fried. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2160 Then one of the horses says it’s a pre-existing condition and everyone leaves. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2161 The question is: was it worth being put back together again? 1.2483 0.03973 149 118 26 5
2162 The wall isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.2483 0.04086 149 119 24 6
2163 I'm getting too old for parkour... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2164 My brain feels scrambled. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2165 They just came at me man, those omelette chefs cornered me. Leave the bottle. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2166 Wall? No sir, I fell off the wagon. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2167 Can you please make that fizz somewhere else? 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2168 Bad day? Tell me about it. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2169 But it’s like my father always said, if you’re going to fall, make it a GREAT fall... 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2170 My men called out "There's Humpty" and the marching crowd thought they said "Trumpty." 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2171 After they pushed me they all began cracking up. I got up and just started running. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2172 The police were everywhere...but at least I didn't get a yolk hold. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2173 Yep. I fell off the wagon. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2174 The guy thought I said "Humpty Trumpty." 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2175 I can't believe I voted form him and his wall. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2176 It's not so bad, they said. Their only throwing eggs, they said. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2177 I fell off the wagon, not a wall. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2178 Spring and summer have been rough, so I’m hoping for a great fall. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2179 Sure, we have to break some eggs to make an omelet, but why me? 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2180 Wall Street is killing me this year. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2181 It was the organic gang; they're tougher than they look 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2182 They put me back together this time. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2183 ...and the yolk was on me. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2184 I came first... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2185 So then she says I should just spend the night and have breakfast in the morning. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2186 The stunt double never showed up. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2187 Make it a double. Getting fried is starting to sounding good . 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2188 I said ..’And it really cracked me up’, and she said ‘prove it’. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2189 All the king's men were busy enforcing the curfew... 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2190 Of course that's all you've heard--that's the story that's been endorsed by the King's horses and men. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2191 Apparently, it was climbable. 1.2483 0.03421 149 121 23 5
2192 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men beat the crap out of me. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2193 Compared to that, falling off the wagon doesn't seem so bad. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2194 It's not easy being an egghead in America. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2195 It is apparent that Humpty did not, in fact, have a great Fall. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2196 And, of course, the body camera "malfunctioned." 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2197 Was minding my own business sitting on top of a confederate statue, when all of a sudden........... 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2198 Do I look like someone who takes it "neat"? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2199 Don't ever think you need to be in the room where it happens. 1.2483 0.04558 149 120 19 7
2200 Oh man, I'm poached! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2201 Not a wall, the wagon. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2202 After a fall, Trumpty Dumpty likes some whine. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2203 Who knew a wall could make people so angry? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2204 Just a drink.......no cracking jokes please.! 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2205 He got mad when he pulled me over, asked for my name and I said Humpty Dumpty. He didn’t even ask for my license! 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2206 Yeah, I was sitting on Trump's wall 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2207 'Honey, you've got to crack some eggs to make an omelet' seemed like a good pickup line at the time 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2208 This should go right through you . . . 1.2483 0.03286 149 120 25 4
2209 We need to build bridges, not walls 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2210 'That ramp was like Ice, I tell ya, and steep! 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2211 I’m done trying to put myself back together again. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2212 My mind is in scrambles! 1.2483 0.03973 149 118 26 5
2213 That better be strong. All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do it. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2214 They did this to me all because it's very hard for me to keep my face mask on. So... I scrambled in here for a drink. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2215 I'm about to give "Down the hatch" new meaning. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2216 No more Wallbangers for me. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2217 With all his talk of wall building, I figured he'd hire a good contractor. 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2218 I was walking past the White House as Trump was crossing the street. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2219 I tried to explain to them that "Defund the King's Men" shouldn't be taken literally. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2220 Make it a double, Sammy. I’m in a world of hurt. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2221 Geesh, no one can take a yolk anymore! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2222 You might not believe this, but I was once the President of the United States. The best, probably, ever in the history of this great country! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2223 I keep telling them... the problems start when you build a wall. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2224 All I said to the chicken was "I was first" 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2225 And you're sure the cure will be here by the first week in November? 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2226 Nah, all the King's men were too busy building the wall. 1.2483 0.04030 149 115 29 4
2227 The frontline workers did an excellent job but they didn't have any masks left 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2228 They really do walk on eggshells around here. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2229 Keep 'em comin. All the king's horses & all the king's men are looking at a class action lawsuit. 1.2483 0.03916 149 115 31 3
2230 I'm more opposed than ever to building the Wall. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2231 Remind me to never put Dumpty for Trumpty on a bumper sticker again. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2232 She told me I had to break out of my shell, but this sh*t is hard. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2233 They said it was only elective surgery and I'll have to wait 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2234 I wasn't always empty inside. 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2235 I was just sitting on a wall when the king's horses and the king's men showed up in full riot gear. 1.2483 0.04656 149 122 17 10
2236 Someone shouted "Come down from there!" So I did. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2237 Forget about King's horses and men, I'm just hoping my HMO covers political fallout. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2238 Eggnog? Seriously? 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
2239 So there I was -- President of the United States. And then all the King's men wrote tell-all books. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2240 I’m shaken, not stirred 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2241 Be careful going down ramps! 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2242 You have anywhere to sit that's lower to the ground? 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2243 You think the combover works? 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
2244 Turns out the last one in IS a rotten egg. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2245 Humpty got smashed. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
2246 I was going to quit drinking boss, but I cracked. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
2247 It was actually a wagon. 1.2483 0.04457 149 120 21 8
2248 Did you remember to sanitize your hands? 1.2483 0.04030 149 116 29 4
2249 I was doing fine until one of the king’s horses stepped on me. 1.2482 0.04490 137 109 22 6
2250 The worst was when the horses also wanted to give it a try! 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
2251 ...and whose idea was it to get "all the kings HORSES" involved? 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
2252 I’ll have a vodka martini, scrambled, not stirred 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
2253 I guess people just really hate gigantic, sentient, ambulatory eggs. 1.2467 0.04530 150 122 19 9
2254 I heard the ice cream truck right after my wife cleaned the sliding glass door. 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
2255 Yeah, typecast again. 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
2256 Luckily, the king’s men got to me first. 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
2257 Wall Street, am I right? 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2258 Just a little glue please. 1.2463 0.04670 134 108 19 7
2259 All the King's Horses didn't help at all. 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
2260 I was fine until all the king’s horses got involved. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2261 Horses don't have hands. 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
2262 I guess I’ve learned my lesson about egging people on... 1.2449 0.04486 147 119 20 8
2263 Yeah my summer was great, but I’ve had a hell of a fall. 1.2449 0.04049 147 115 28 4
2264 Is my crack showing? 1.2449 0.04162 147 116 26 5
2265 No more for me. My brain’s already scrambled. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
2266 I'm celebrating! I almost became a Deviled Egg! 1.2449 0.04486 147 119 20 8
2267 All I said was, ‘Why aren’t you wearing a mask?’ And by the way, why aren’t you?” 1.2449 0.04381 147 118 22 7
2268 It was an Eggbeater! 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
2269 Thank God for the EMTs! The King's horses were useless. 1.2449 0.04162 147 116 26 5
2270 I'd like my drink scrambled, not stirred. 1.2444 0.04518 135 108 21 6
2271 They kept trying to fix me themselves instead of just calling 911. 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
2272 You're kidding - egg nog? 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
2273 Actually, I feel like an omelette. 1.2424 0.04318 132 104 24 4
2274 I have a good notion to report those horses to the AMA. 1.2424 0.04824 132 108 16 8
2275 Falling off the wall wasn't the problem. It was those goddam kings' horses. 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
2276 The horses were really unnecessary. 1.2424 0.04318 132 104 24 4
2277 The horses actually turned out to be better dermatologists than all the king's men 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
2278 I'm on the royal health plan, but only the king's horses were in-network. 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
2279 Hit me. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2280 needless to say, my friend, she was not too happy to learn it was me that came first 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2281 My insurance said ALL the king's horses was not medically necessary 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2282 Just one. I have a splitting headache 🤕 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2283 No, I’m not okay. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2284 ...and THEN there’s my fibromyalgia... 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2285 Bartender: “Fall down on the job again?” 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2286 Egg lives matter... 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2287 Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2288 I told them I fell off a wall because I didn’t want them to know I fell off the wagon. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2289 I'm no chicken! 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2290 A drink at a bar, fix it all 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2291 It was like an ice-skating rink, no handrails.! What they won’t show you is I ran down the last ten feet of that wall! I looked very handsome. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2292 Does it look like I want it on the rocks?! 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2293 Have you got something to wash the taste of police brutality out of my mouth? 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2294 I didn’t want to be an egghead, so I went to a brown eggs matter protest. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2295 I know I got laid. After that, it's all scrambled. Feeling fried. Pretty close to rock bottom. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2296 So the King's horses and the King's men are putting me back together and one of them has a "Buy one get one free" card, and here I am! 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2297 Worse, they were the King's men. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2298 I just feel like I hit a wall or something. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2299 Pour me something that helps me forget 2020 ever happened. 1.2414 0.04126 145 116 22 6
2300 Double, please. Hold the irony. 1.2414 0.04722 145 120 15 10
2301 He might have plenty of horses and men - but let me tell you, he has one lousy health insurance plan. 1.2414 0.04619 145 119 17 9
2302 Another great fall, sir? 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2303 So then this chick lays me on a wall... 1.2414 0.04407 145 116 21 7
2304 Betcha can’t guess what street I work on.... 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2305 You know, being an egg is not all that it's cracked up to be. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2306 It was a great fall but it’s been a lousy summer. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2307 This was the best they could do after I posed for the photo-op on the President's wall. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2308 A cop thought I was a protester. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2309 Damn him, and his wall... 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2310 Give me a double. This time I fell off the wagon. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2311 Very fine people, indeed. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2312 She said she didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2313 I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2314 Ends up that all the king's horses and all the kings men weren't all that they were cracked up to be. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2315 Humphrey Dunfy... why do you ask 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
2316 ...and a shot of Krazy Glue, if you have it? 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2317 King's Horses gin, please. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2318 Humpty Drunky 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
2319 You have no idea! All those horses, all those men.... 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2320 She humped me, then she dumped me... 1.2414 0.04241 145 118 20 7
2321 Luckily, the protesters got to me before the King’s men. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2322 All I Asked for Was an Egg White Cocktail at a BLM Rally 1.2414 0.05111 145 124 7 14
2323 You should see the eleven other guys." 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2324 I say its high time to defund All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men 1.2397 0.04159 146 116 25 5
2325 So hear me out, man! This kid put me in a spoon for his birthday or something and just started running! Man, this year is the worst 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2326 The horses? Why the horses? 1.2394 0.04572 142 115 18 8
2327 Beaten up to perfection; that's how she wants me! 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2328 Just seltzer for me, I don't want to fall off the wagon too. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2329 I'm just glad I have insurance. 1.2394 0.03862 142 110 22 5
2330 Don’t worry, I’m not one of the king’s men. 1.2394 0.05089 142 121 8 13
2331 You want to talk about a great fall, look at the Dow. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2332 Then I said to the guy, “if you hit me one more time I’m going to crack!” 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2333 I’m OK. I’m just feeling a little scrambled. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2334 Here is a little pick me up. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2335 This world’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2336 I’ll tell you this - the King’s horses are not medically trained! 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2337 Turns out, life in the city isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
2338 Good question. How DID I get up there? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2339 None of the King's horses knew what they were doing. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2340 I never really wanted a fairy tale life. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
2341 All the king's horses didn't help. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2342 When you can't trust all the king's horses and all the king's men, who can you trust? 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2343 Thanks for not telling me she's a vegan. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2344 She broke more than my heart. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2345 Yeah, and my summer wasn't so great either! 1.2394 0.04348 142 113 22 6
2346 It wasn't really all that great. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
2347 Stools, I can sit on. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2348 Eggnog please. 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
2349 All the king’s horses are pretty awesome actually. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
2350 If he won't listen to the daily briefing, what makes you think he'll listen to me? 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
2351 Only you can put me back together again, Tommy. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2352 Lemme tell ya, all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do jack squat. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2353 I dunno--maybe they're right about my drinking. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2354 Humpty Dumpty thinks he had it rough. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2355 Turns out all the King's men is outside my HMO. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2356 I was only trying to crack a joke. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
2357 I had a great fall, but COVID made for a bad spring. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2358 I was pushed. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2359 Nobody told me what the reveal gender party was all about. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2360 Well, Sam, once I fell off the wagon, it was inevitable I'd fall off the wall. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2361 Last call for you, Humpty. I wouldn't want you to have another great fall. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2362 It wasn't the fall that did it. It was all the king's horses and men. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2363 I never liked all this wall politics to begin with 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2364 Make mine a double, I need to get pickled tonight. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2365 That was an egg-cellent party though! 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2366 When I said I needed a break from 2020 -not what I meant. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2367 yeah I'm also broke 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2368 You know so many eggs are having great falls because they’re running so many wall tests. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2369 ID? ... But, I'm THE Humpty Dumpty. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2370 I thought it would be different this time 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2371 Yeah, she humpty-dumped me. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2372 I wasn’t even on the wall this time 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2373 Spring has been rough, but I’m hoping for a great Fall 1.2357 0.04926 140 118 11 11
2374 Humpty Dumpty walked into a bar. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2375 And the king's men just turned a blind eye towards me. 1.2357 0.04821 140 117 13 10
2376 Right from the start, I knew she wanted to change me... but I’ve just realized it was into an omelet. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2377 Just make sure I don’t get smashed again. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2378 Stirred, not scrambled. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2379 The kings' horses and men were useless - it was my therapist that really put me back together. 1.2357 0.03875 140 109 29 2
2380 Well, the yolk was on me! 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2381 Not another Harvey Wallbanger, please" 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2382 Gin...no Fizz. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2383 I had a great Fall. But it’s been a lousy Spring. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2384 Give me a break! 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2385 But the real damage was done by the king's horses. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2386 All in all, I wasn't just Another Brick in The Wall 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2387 Actually, no thanks, I think I've hit the wall. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2388 Still fighting with the chicken who came first? 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2389 Better this than more crack. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2390 The kids don’t need to know why I fell. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2391 Wish I was as thick-skinned as the President. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2392 Make that a double Wallbanger. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2393 No more for me, or I'll fall off the stool, too. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2394 Long story short, I fucked up. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2395 I shouldn't have said, 'ya dumb fork' to an eggbeater. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2396 I didn't fall, I was pushed off that wall! 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2397 She threw me over for another guy. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2398 Dude. I’m just lucky they got me put back together again. Know what I’m sayin’? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2399 Hit me again Joe... I'm fried already anyway. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2400 I’m an egg- what the hell am I doing at a bar? If I get pickled someone might eat me! 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2401 I was actually doing OK until all the King’s men arrived. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2402 Sitting on a wall isn't all its cracked up to be. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2403 I swear to god, James... I’m about to crack. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2404 I didn't mean make ME a Pisco Sour... 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2405 Just a soft drink, please. I'm feeling a little fragile. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2406 They told me I had no business sitting on a wall in the first place. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2407 I should have waited to cross the road. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2408 They even brought all the king’s horses to the after party. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2409 Why do I have to get all the breaks? 1.2357 0.03875 140 109 29 2
2410 They yelled something about "white fragility" and then shoved me off the wall! 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2411 Same old story, I fell off the wagon. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2412 The wall wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2413 Pour me something that'll put me together again. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2414 No, Bert, forget the wall, it’s like something’s inside me trying to get out. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2415 It's always the same--first the wall, then the wagon. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2416 Do not call the king's horses. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2417 Make it a double, Joe. Yeah, eggheads are still taking it on the chin. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2418 I told you the wall wasn’t such a ‘great’ idea 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2419 It looks bad but the injuries appear to all be eggsternal. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2420 They used to call it”shell shock”. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2421 All I said was, it's Humpty, not Humphrey. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2422 Actually, it was the king's horses and men that did this to me. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2423 I took a beating. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2424 I wouldn't exactly say it was a GREAT fall... 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2425 Does alcohol help with the crack problem? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
2426 If you ever have a fall, take my advice. Avoid the King's horses and the King's men 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
2427 Do you have anything stronger? I can’t fall apart like this again... 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
2428 I can't figure out why I'm always falling off that wall. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
2429 The good news, I didn't run. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
2430 All the horses and Kingsmen wasn't quite enough 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
2431 It was only a wire fence Amigo, not a wall! 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
2432 All I said was “everybody deserves basic human rights” to my Aunt Karen 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2433 And thrn I said, 'Your Majesty, why all the men on horseback? What we really need is universal health care'. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2434 Last time I go see a live show of the TV program "Chopped ". 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2435 This drink is called ‘all the King’s horses and all the King’s men.’ 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2436 And I says to her, I says, if those are organic then I’m Jumbo 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2437 I'm positive the saying is; Break a leg! 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2438 I fell off both the wall and the wagon this time 1.2336 0.04777 137 114 14 9
2439 Maybe try standing? I don’t think sitting is your strong suit. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2440 He said no one builds walls better than him. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2441 I should have sheltered in place. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2442 ‘Give it to me over-easy’ 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2443 Just not on the rocks 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2444 ... so you’re saying that after working on the wall, all of Trump’s horses and all of Trump’s men, did... this? 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2445 The King's Horses and men just left me to die but then along came this little Swedish girl... 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2446 Bar tender: 2020 broke you too, huh? 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2447 I had to go two kingdoms over to get the surgery I needed. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2448 It turns out walls DON’T work, and neither does injecting UV light 1.2336 0.04178 137 108 24 4
2449 ‘The director was lousy. It took sixteen takes.’ 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2450 Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2451 Don’t worry pal, I’ll spare you the egg puns and Humpty Dumpty jokes. You’re safe here fella. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2452 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men applied ‘reasonable and necessary force’ against Humpty again 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2453 I’ll take anything, just not on the rocks. You can see how that turned out... 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2454 I hope thats not WHISKey Joe... 1.2336 0.04997 137 116 10 11
2455 ‘Great’ is a bit rich. It wasn’t even my best, if I’m really being honest with myself. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2456 You know that wall they're building? You won't believe this... 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2457 12 Angry Eggs” the play I was cast in, ended up being a lot different than I expected 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2458 Gimme a steep one, taken apart and put back together—been that kinda day. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2459 I’m drinking until kingdom come. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2460 My wife beats me and my cholesterol's high. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2461 ...and then I yelled "I came first!" 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2462 I said 'no, the name is Humpt', but they dumped me anyway... 1.2336 0.03981 137 110 23 4
2463 You'd be surprised how many bars refuse service to crackheads. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2464 My job’s not exactly all it’s cracked up to be either. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2465 So much for a bigly, tremendous wall like the world has never seen. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2466 There's only so long you can quarantine on a wall! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2467 And a dash of puncture seal, please. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2468 I just got out of a four-hour meeting with all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2469 How do you think I’m feeling? - -Multiple fractures; I broke my Yolk; The prognosis is between pre-Scrambled and Egg Drop Soup 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2470 So much for help from all the King's horses. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2471 From now on, no walls, only barstools 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2472 I cracked up but luckily I’m pretty hard boiled. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2473 No one wants to talk about how I fell. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2474 Better make it a double, Sam, my head is about to eggsplode. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2475 I just keep cracking, man. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2476 It's not like they tried very hard. I mean, THE KING'S HORSES? Come on, give me a break! 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2477 I just can't get behind having another wall. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2478 My insurance plan only covers the king’s horses 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2479 And then she said , "Do I look fat in this shell?" 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2480 Extra ice please. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2481 I’m down in the dumpties. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2482 All the kings horse's and all the king's men finally put me together again, so you can make that a double, John. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2483 It's getting bad, Joe. I can't get laid, and I'm having a hard time keeping myself together. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2484 And please don't say I should've worn a mask. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2485 Whose bright idea was it to get the horses involved? 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2486 The White House Easter egg roll is getting a little rough these days. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2487 His horses didn't help matters. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2488 IT'S OK. I FELL OFF THE WAGON 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2489 All the King's Horse's and all the King's men where the only provider in my Network. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2490 To tell the truth I’m feeling a little scrambled. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2491 I asked for over easy 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2492 Then the king's horses and men took me to this hospital. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2493 I drink, I fall down. I fall down, I stand up. I stand up, I drink. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2494 ER visit? Yeah right. My HMO only authorizes me to see the King's Horses now. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2495 Fake news. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2496 A more hard-boiled type wouldn't get as upset as me about this. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2497 They thought I was poaching but could not take a yolk 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2498 The king's men were great, but his horses have no business working in an ER. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2499 You know I can hardly remember my name. I think I might have shell shock. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2500 All of a sudden they started using egg beaters. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2501 Yeah, some place where I can get in on the ground floor... 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2502 Pickle me, Charlie. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2503 I'm cracking-up. Going cage free was a giant mistake 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2504 They did put me back together again but not sure it's going to last so make it a double. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2505 So we're sitting on the wall, and she says, tell me about yourself. So I say, "well, I am ovoid, 19, and," then she screams, decks me, and I end up in pieces on the ground. 1.2336 0.04777 137 114 14 9
2506 I was sitting in a diner and the guy next to me ordered scrambled eggs. The rest is too painful to talk about. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2507 The worst part is, I lost my mask. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2508 I was just lucky one of the Kings Men was a medic! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2509 You'd better make it a double,Sam. I had to do home surgery since all the King's horses and men are shelthering in place. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2510 "I'm sitting with two guys who start arguing about how to make an omelet." 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2511 That'll just go right through me. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2512 And then the other Kings Man said, "Well wearing a mask is not manly." and then all hell broke loose. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2513 Do you think I'll ever get another big break? 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2514 I don't know how people roll with these things 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2515 Everyone tells me it was a very great fall. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2516 And then she started yelling, 'I've coddled you far too long, Mr. Humpty Dumpty!' 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2517 Please cancel my order, I'm broke 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2518 Don’t worry Mexico will pay for this. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2519 “Crazy how I ended up in this hole in the wall.” 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2520 One thing I learned is to never sit on a wall when you've been drinking. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2521 They called me Humpty Dumpty. Like all eggs look a like. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2522 It turns out the horses and men were able to put me together again. Make it a double. 1.2336 0.04777 137 114 14 9
2523 Do you have a hangover cure that doesn’t involve raw eggs? 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2524 This new piñata gig is tougher than I thought. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2525 I’ll be okay, Mexico’s gonna pay for it. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2526 And then he said "Mr. Gorbachev..." 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2527 All the King’s men were incompetent. One good woman would have been nice ! 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2528 Get this: my health plan uses 'the king's horses'. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2529 I, for one, wish they’d reinstate social distancing. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2530 I Cant Fart 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2531 I don't think a screwdriver and a rusty nail will be enough to put me back together. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2532 I'll trade you a runny yolk for a funny joke. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2533 He said Mexicans would pay for the wall. I can't believe I fell for it. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2534 I know, just sitting on a wall sounds easy, but... 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2535 None of the king's horses and none of the king's men were on my insurance. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2536 And then he said, 'You've got egg on your face.' I cracked. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2537 This coming Fall is going to be even worse! 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2538 You should have seen what they've done with the golden goose 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2539 And I looked up at him and said, ‘nobody calls me chicken!’ 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2540 I thought wall tester would be an easy gig ! 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2541 Be careful, I'm fragile... 1.2336 0.04048 137 107 26 3
2542 Let me guess.... A harvey Wallbanger?" 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2543 Better make it an eggnog; the break up didn't go over easy. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2544 Last thing I remember hearing was “Hey let’s make an omelette” 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2545 Couldn't? They didn't want to put me back together because I have proof Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2546 If they had GMO back then, Uncle Humpty would still be here. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
2547 You know me... tough on the outside, gooey on the inside. 1.2328 0.04952 116 95 15 6
2548 Turns out that just a couple of the King's women got it done. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
2549 You should've seen Dumpty! 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
2550 Can we just talk this time? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2551 Getting pushed off the wall was bad enough, but then the King proclaimed that I was a terrorist. 1.2308 0.04622 143 119 15 9
2552 'Tried to social distance. Ran out of wall.' 1.2308 0.04441 130 105 20 5
2553 Hey at least I'm not the only thing falling apart right now. 1.2296 0.04328 135 108 21 5
2554 Supposedly there were just one or two bad apples among all the king's men 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2555 And then the cops showed up. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2556 yeah you know I’m a little broken up over it man, one day we’re fine and next thing I know she’s dyed her shell and is in an omelet with some other guy 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2557 Can I get you a fix? 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
2558 I’m tellin ya, the king’s men just kept on walkin” 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2559 ...and all that for a photo shoot. Better make it a double. 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2560 An egg walks into a bar-- very funny. 1.2296 0.04198 135 107 23 4
2561 She misunderstood when I asked her to spoon me. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2562 I'll take mine over easy. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2563 You've gotta be hard-boiled to make it out there today. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
2564 Sure, it was a GREAT fall. But the winter and spring have sucked. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
2565 Is this what it feels like to hit rock bottom ? 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
2566 I should stop trying to get out of my shell 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2567 Tough week ??? Eggs...actly ! 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2568 So I took up some rock climbing during my furlough. 1.2296 0.04695 135 112 15 8
2569 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men? Buddy, you need a new HMO! 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2570 All the King's Horse's All the King's Men Will NEVER touch my Humpty Dumpty again! 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2571 It happened in Berlin. Late 1989. 1.2296 0.04812 135 113 13 9
2572 Look on WHAT 'Sunny Side'? 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
2573 Throwing someone under the bus is not just an idiomatic phrase. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2574 One minute I was on top and then I hit the wall. 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2575 I know I should have gone to the hospital but with the COVID thing going on...ya know?! 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
2576 Plus why the hell they would let the King's horses have a go at it, is beyond me. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2577 All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't drink as much Scotch as I need right now. 1.2296 0.04812 135 113 13 9
2578 Forget the king's horses, forget the king's men, Give me the whisky - I'll be better again! 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2579 They said that some of my 19th century statements were 'problematic'... That's the last thing I remember. 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
2580 Never bring a spoon to a whisk fight. 1.2296 0.04695 135 112 15 8
2581 Anyway that’s the last time I’m trying to come out of my shell. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2582 Defund all the King’s horsemen and all the King’s Men! #butseriously 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2583 Broken, not stirred 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2584 The Queen’s Men. She has men. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2585 This summer has been rough. I could really use a great fall. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2586 They shouldn’t have given ‘All The King’s Horses’ the first crack at it. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2587 Just trying to keep it all together man. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2588 Yeah... I’m really broken up about it. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2589 Leave the bottle... and a round for all the King's men. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2590 ...Barely made it through brunch this weekend... 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2591 Scrambled not stirred please 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2592 Who needs Obamacare when you have a slowly creeping autocrat whose men and horses can put you back together again pretty much good as new?.. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2593 I’m starting to wonder why I sat on the wall in the first place? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2594 And the ramp was so slippery... 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2595 Don’t even ask 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2596 Boy, am I glad you are finally open. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2597 It’s hard to eggsplain. 1.2273 0.04246 132 105 22 4
2598 I’m just going to nurse it. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2599 Honestly, I've just been feeling like a shell of my former self 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2600 Everything was peaceful...until the cops showed up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2601 I thought the fall of 2019 was bad 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2602 I have to stop falling off the wagon. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2603 Living in a fairy tail is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2604 So now neither the US nor Mexico wants to handle my medical bill... 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2605 Dunno why I keep walking into the bar. 1.2273 0.04511 132 107 18 6
2606 Well, after the horses and men left, the women showed up 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2607 Might as well make it a double. My yolk is already scrambled! 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2608 2020 is going to make an omelette of me yet! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2609 ...and now I’m broke, but at least she’s got her omelette. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2610 Maybe I shouldn’t have egged him on? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2611 I knew I was in for a great fall, but no one said anything about summer. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2612 I had a great fall, but winter and spring were brutal! 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2613 2020, man. And it’s only July. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2614 I don't know why they had to bring in the horses first. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2615 It's a little insensitive, isn't it? I mean putting me up on a barstool. I'd rather have a booth. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2616 - "I have got to stop going to comedy clubs." 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2617 According to the King's Men, I "tripped" and "fell." At least that's what they wrote in the incident report. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2618 The Queen’s women patched me right up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2619 The Fall was actually okay, it was the Spring that did this 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2620 Humpty Dumpty: Why are you not wearing a mask? 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2621 And the worst part - I quit drinking. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2622 Make it a double. It’s been a day. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2623 2020 has been tough. I haven’t even made it to the fall yet. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2624 On the rocks... really? 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2625 If you think I'm put together again, you should talk to my therapist. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2626 Give me a break, will you... 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2627 How easy would it be for you to make me an omelet? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2628 I tried to argue that the chicken came first. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2629 Russia paid a guy to do this to me. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2630 Ever hear of a shell company? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2631 Make it a Harvey Wall-banger, pal. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2632 If I hadn't had my own coverage, those guys and their horses would still be fiddling around with me. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2633 Well it could have been worse...the other guy had his head scrambled. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2634 I told them I wasn't a monument. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2635 At least it wasn’t a great fall. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2636 A martini. Shaken, not shirred. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2637 Set 'em up Joe, that fall from the wall was no yolk. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2638 He told a joke...I didn’t laugh...and then he cracked me up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2639 I swear, I wasn't drunk. I was pushed! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2640 I just don't think I'll last through another plunge on Wall Street. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2641 The fall was uneventful. The King’s horses did me in. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2642 Turns out that all the king's men are bad at healthcare. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2643 Sometimes I think I’d be happier in a soufflé. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2644 those horses were all out of network... 1.2273 0.04108 132 104 24 3
2645 When I'm good and pickled they'll leave me alone. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2646 I just knew one of these days she was gonna crack. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2647 The king's men weren't that bad, but the horses were brutal. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2648 Yeah, and then Harvey Wallbanger showed up! 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2649 But I told Donald not to let Jared design the Wall 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2650 So-So Summer, Great Fall... 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2651 Just for the record, I'm against building walls. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2652 Don't go over easy on that! 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2653 Ya know, Lloyd, Life's hard boiled some times. It's never over easy. I may be a shell of my former self, but I didn't crack." 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2654 They even claimed it was a pre-existing condition. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2655 At first I thought having Mexico pay for it was a great idea. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2656 All the king's men were fine, but all the king's horses did me no favors. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2657 Well, I said Humpty and he thought I said Trumpty... 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2658 I'll have whatever you gave the last crack-up. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2659 You know, all my life I've been walking on eggshells. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2660 Anything but "on the rocks"! 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2661 I tried to roll over easy to get out of there but the situation kind of boiled over. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2662 What I really need is a pick-me-up. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2663 sentience is a curse and life is a prison 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2664 I don't know what Humpty told you, but he doesn't do his own stunts. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2665 God I'm toasted. 1.2273 0.04880 132 111 12 9
2666 Who knew that having a shell is considered a pre-existing condition? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2667 At least I didn't fall off a wall! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2668 Maybe all the King’s liquor and all the King’s gin could put Humpty Dumpty together again. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2669 What makes you think I come from s broken home? 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2670 Lil' something to unscramble my brain please. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2671 The King's men? Useless. At least they got me to the bar. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2672 Damn that Lewis Carroll! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2673 The King’s Horses!? What were they thinking!? 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2674 Mac, it is time to become a Pickled Egg! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2675 Humpty Dumpty sat at the bar after Humpty Dumpty got hit by a car. 1.2273 0.04880 132 110 12 9
2676 Make it the hump day double. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2677 All the King's Horses and all the King's Men turned out to be a poor choice of available resources. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2678 Then the orange-haired man yelled at me,"Get off my wall!" and six men in black suits sprayed me with tear gas and knocked me down. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2679 They couldn't find the last shard in the batter either. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2680 So all the Queen's women put me together again. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2681 When they said "flatten the curve," I didn't think they meant my curve. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2682 I’m beginning to think life’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.03661 132 107 22 3
2683 The cops did it to me at the rally. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2684 A couple of stiff ones and I start to come out of my shell. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2685 I heard you make a mean eggnog. It better be all it's cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2686 ... And a Krazy Glue chaser. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2687 The world just isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2688 The sign read "Omelette Bar"... It sounded like a cool place to hang out. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2689 Yes, ‘‘twas a nasty spill, but I held onto my albumen.” Will Hunter Plymouth M 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2690 OK, maybe protesting isn't a good fit. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2691 I yelled that I wasn’t a statue but they weren’t buying it. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2692 I feel like I've been beaten up all day. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2693 This summer has me beat... I hope we have a great fall. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2694 Sit on a wall, they said. Everything'll be fine, they said. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2695 Last place I walked into was an omelette bar; I barely made it out of there in one piece. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2696 Since when did Egg Beaters become a thing? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2697 You should see the rabbi and the priest. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2698 What I don’t get is why they sent horses and not a doctor. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2699 Are you sure you don’t want to sit in a booth? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2700 Yore biggest mistake was was thinking you were king. 1.2273 0.03891 132 106 23 3
2701 I couldn't - I'm poached. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2702 Just don't ever let there King's AID team come near you 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2703 I told them I wasn’t a hard boiled detective! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2704 And then he said he would make me great again. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2705 I was okay until the King's men showed up. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2706 All the King’s men and all the King’s horses...and then, Thank God, the Queen showed up! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2707 It's tough out there for an Egghead. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2708 You know "the wall"? Well, don't sit on it. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2709 Make it stirred. I'm already shaken. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2710 I was is serious danger of becoming an omelette! 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2711 I never should have told her she was my beneficiary 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2712 Hit me with the 2021. That 2020 you gave me was off the wall. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2713 An egg cream for a creamed egg? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2714 And then a woman named Karen said ... 1.2273 0.04880 132 110 12 9
2715 Yeah, All the Kings Horsemen and All the Kings Men couldn't do it, but I have faith in YOU, Al 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2716 I sat on Wall Street. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2717 Try going around it next time. 1.2273 0.04511 132 107 18 6
2718 Who beats an egg?! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2719 The egg's life ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2720 Just the rum, right? No eggnog? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2721 I was just sitting on a wall when the police came with their eggbeaters. Every egg is a runny egg to them. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2722 White eggs, brown eggs—it doesn’t matter. Nothing is over easy for any of us. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2723 I suppose you heard, they wanta use egg white as a vaccine base. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2724 All the king's horses and all the king's men? Where were the king's doctors! 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2725 Of course it hurt when I fell, you're not trying to pick me up are you? 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2726 So....this is Tulsa? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2727 What do you mean you feel like you’ve been walking on egg shells all day. You think that’s bad try being walked on all day! 1.2273 0.04997 132 112 10 10
2728 Make it a double - I need to get fried, poached and scrambled. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2729 How was I to know they would protest MY wall? 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2730 I was mistaken for a Confederate monument. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2731 I wouldn't call it a "great fall". 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2732 Give me a towel, I might leak 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2733 Summer has been awful so far, but I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2734 No need for a glass just pour it in the cracks! 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2735 Shellshocked? You can say that again. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2736 He had to go and build a wall! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2737 Set 'em up for twenty. I'm expecting all the king's men any minute now. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2738 Whiskey straight up,please.I’m already pickled. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2739 The horses were a bad choice. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2740 I'll have a shot of Lysol. 1.2273 0.04880 132 111 12 9
2741 Believe me, Al, one more kitchen mishap and I wouldn't 'a made in in here today. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2742 Can you put that on Mexico's tab? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2743 I guess you could say I’m the underachiever of the family. My brother Humpty makes it all the way to the top and hobnobs with royalty, and I can’t even stay put on a barstool.” 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2744 Somebody called me "chicken" and that's when the fight started. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2745 'Apparently, she's looking for more than just a three minute egg.' 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2746 Sad story really. I come from a broken nest. 1.2273 0.04880 132 111 12 9
2747 You got anything that goes down easy? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2748 Me and the wall? Oh, we had a bit of a falling out. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2749 Some people call it self-destructive but the high is unbelievable 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2750 To be honest, my fall was not that great. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
2751 I should have told them it was Covid instead of a slip and fall, so they'd treat me. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
2752 I don’t know if I can handle another Wild Turkey. 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
2753 I got lucky, they made omelets out of the other Moderates. 1.2231 0.04125 130 104 23 3
2754 What’d I miss? 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
2755 You should see the rest of the carton. 1.2231 0.04538 130 107 17 6
2756 I told you that wall was not structurally sound. 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2757 please not eggnog, not today! 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2758 Give me something to nurse on. 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2759 Then I asked myself "What's with my obsession with walls?" 1.2231 0.04538 130 107 17 6
2760 Damn egg beaters 1.2231 0.04538 130 107 17 6
2761 It's been a rough summer but I'm looking forward to a great fall. 1.2231 0.04125 130 104 23 3
2762 I don't know which is worse, the wall or the wagon! 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2763 No rocks. I have had enough rocks for one day. 1.2231 0.04125 130 104 23 3
2764 After the King’s horses and men left me to die, a passing off-duty EMT patched me right up! 1.2231 0.04538 130 107 17 6
2765 Thank God for the Queen. 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2766 Bartender. Keep the eggnog coming. 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2767 So I’m sitting on a wall and you won’t believe what happens next. 1.2231 0.04267 130 105 21 4
2768 All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't make me feel better than gin. 1.2231 0.04267 130 105 21 4
2769 They sing about me having a great fall. Let me tell you, it wasn’t that great. 1.2231 0.04125 130 104 23 3
2770 Two fingers over easy" 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
2771 it was a self fulfilling prophecy, it didn’t seem I had a choice 1.2231 0.04267 130 105 21 4
2772 Thank God I’m hard boiled 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2773 There was a dozen of them and they were all large. 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
2774 This place is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
2775 You've got your falls off walls, and falls off bar stools. Totally different. 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
2776 Let me tell you about these horses, maaaannn 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
2777 What’s first, the head or the ache? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2778 I guess I just assumed the wall would be finished already 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2779 I need something strong for my White Fragility. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2780 - “Fell off the wagon again Humpty?” Asked Joe the bartender. 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
2781 It was a good fall, but not a great fall 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2782 ...And you know what, Steve? It's not the great fall that hurts, but my eggo. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2783 Well I guess Iv already fallen off one wagon today. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2784 When she said “quiche,” it just sounded nice 1.2205 0.04598 127 104 16 6
2785 What's that label?" "All the King's Horses..." "Ok... 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2786 ‘Eggsactly what I expected’ 1.2205 0.04989 127 108 10 9
2787 You know, sometimes life ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2788 And then I said “Egg lives matter.” 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2789 1 shot of single malt and he’s pickled 1.2205 0.05233 127 110 6 11
2790 I didn’t fall for his horses and men. I fell for him. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2791 All I said was ‘the egg came first’.... 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2792 I’ve got my fingers crossed. 2020 is going to be my year. 1.2205 0.04244 127 104 17 5
2793 What about plain old 'fragility' 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2794 I didn't fall of the wagon, I dove off head first. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2795 The ‘hard boiled treatment’s a hoax’ they said, but I saw what happened to Humpty. So... two knights, a few horses, a night in the ER and here I am. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2796 No ICE, please 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2797 All things considered, I can’t complain. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2798 I hate to imagine what the brown egg must look like 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2799 Mr Gorbachev could of at least waited till I got down... 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2800 One shot of penicillin, please. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2801 Well at least the wagon is a lot closer to the ground 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2802 No I’m Oscar —you must be thinking of my brother Humpty 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2803 Let me tell you, Don’t forget your papers at the border wall. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2804 You should see the other guy. I scrambled him good. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2805 The sign says ‘No mask, No Service.’ 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2806 Does that go well with beaten very stiff? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2807 Eh, you know what they say. What doesn’t kill you...never mind, make that a double. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2808 No one asks, if you want to be put back together. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2809 Thank you for the advice, next time will stay away from Wall Street. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2810 ...and I'd only been in the Cabinet for five minutes! 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2811 And then she kicked me out. She didn't understand why I thought falling off the wall was harder than quarentine... 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2812 They could’ve at least tried, is all I’m saying. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2813 Sure, they put me back together, but my deductible was higher than the wall. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2814 I call this one ‘All the Kings Horses’ it should put you back together again 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2815 Please Sam, no more, your jokes crack me up too much! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2816 It was just supposed to be a routine traffic stop 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2817 How's your 2020 going? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2818 Humpty Trumpty fell of his GREAT wall. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2819 I don't think I can take another I'm already smashed 1.2205 0.03859 127 100 26 1
2820 Next I’m gonna get beaten for sure 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2821 I know it looks bad, but my other options were fried or scrambled. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2822 It wasn’t so great, honestly. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2823 HumptyTrumpty had a big fall 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2824 Screw the king’s horses and the king’s men. We need a queen around here. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2825 I’m minding my own business in my pod, and the next thing I know eleven of them are attacking me for not wearing a mask! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2826 Make it a double, over easy. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2827 I think the Newton Society needs another mascot 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2828 Exercising first amendment really took a real beating on me 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2829 The usual? 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2830 Not sure why they thought horses could help. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2831 Went to the brown eggs matter event to protest police brutality, the organizers moved all the white eggs to the front line to face the bacon. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2832 Someone said I had EggWhite Privilege 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2833 I was in a group of 12 and the other 11 got shell shocked 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2834 I don’t like to talk politics much, but I am anti-wall... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2835 You know, I really liked her but her jokes kept cracking me up... 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2836 Yes, well, that is what the recipe said. ‘Beat’ 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2837 „Easter 2020 was really a mess“ 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2838 And then the horses...omg bits everywher 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2839 I wish I were never unborn. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2840 ....white separatists I think they said” 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2841 Q4 wasn't great... 1.2205 0.04989 127 108 10 9
2842 K-Pop fans they know how to party. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2843 I was protesting peacefully 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2844 Make it a double, things were starting to look good until the horses got involved. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2845 Tough week? 1.2205 0.03608 127 106 17 4
2846 You won’t believe the day I’ve had. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2847 I told her, " Mom really, you don't have to cross the road".... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2848 Can you believe she said I was SOFT boiled!? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2849 you wouldn't BELIEVE what happened to me today.. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2850 Looks like you took quite a beating. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2851 So according to Trump, if I stop counting the number of drinks I have, I won’t be drunk? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2852 I’d give up sitting on that wall if my benefits weren’t so good 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2853 They keep telling me I’m an essential worker 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2854 2020 is nothing like the brochure 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2855 I forgot my mask. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2856 I’ll sure miss this place if we ever get Medicare for all 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2857 I’ve gotta stop getting smashed like this 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2858 I used to be in favour of the wall 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2859 Moral of the story: it’s never a good idea to send in the cavalry. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2860 On the bright side, they WERE able to put me back together again. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2861 Ever get that feeling the day isn’t going to be what it’s cracked up to be? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2862 Tis cracked. 1.2205 0.03939 127 103 21 3
2863 It's a tough world out there! They walk on egg shells you know 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2864 Fix me an apocalypse ale, will ya? 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2865 I guess it wasn’t a big, beautiful wall after all. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2866 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men, retreated to the bunker again 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
2867 When trump builds that wall, i’m doomed. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2868 I’ll take All The King’s Scotch on the rocks. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2869 I was walking on eggshells the whole meeting, but turned out so were they. 1.2205 0.03430 127 105 19 3
2870 pick-me-up, please. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2871 Told ya, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2872 He finished the wall. Ironically I just fell off the wagon. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2873 Lost my kings and horses, trying to keep myself together for November election. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2874 Cage-free ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2875 Having a drinking problem is no yolk..... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2876 I wish they hadn’t put me back together again. Make it a double 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2877 My mistake was getting out of bed in 2020. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2878 He called me soft boiled. I decided to show him I was a hard egg to crack. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2879 I guess you can't fight destiny. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2880 And so I told him not to call me an egghead... 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2881 . I'll have a Harvey wallbanger. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2882 So I told my waiter ‘maybe we should go back to phase 1’... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2883 Egg walks into a bar, amirite? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2884 All the king’s horses? The king’s men? What I wouldn’t have given for just one mom. 1.2205 0.03430 127 105 19 3
2885 No king? Then who were all those men? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2886 Maybe they can't fix me because I don't really WANT to be fixed? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2887 It was a peaceful protest... 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2888 I'll have the usual, Al, but don't even think about shaking it. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2889 I called him a “cracker,” and then he said, “I’ll show you!” 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2890 I'm broke, but thanks for the drink! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2891 They couldn’t put me back together again because of social distancing 1.2205 0.04460 127 103 18 5
2892 Not on the rocks please! Triggers my PTSD 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2893 Things are rough out there, Phil. I had to take a part-time gig as some eighth graders baby egg experiment. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2894 All the King’s horses and King’s men? Putting it back together again? Leave the bottle. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2895 I just want to be that symbol to the world — that reminder — that walls don’t solve problems. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2896 I was peacefully protesting against police brutality. . 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2897 So, no whiskey sour, I take it? 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
2898 « Humpty Dumpty needs a brandy » 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
2899 I was waiting peacefully in line, and then a group of angry chickens came and claimed they were there first! 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2900 Man, that border wall is hell! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2901 Huevos rancheros don’t seem so bad anymore... this side of the wall isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2902 Give me something stronger. I have a terrible eggache. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2903 Give me the worse than usual. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2904 Numpty Trumpty failed his Mexican Wall. With Russia and Covid he had a great fall. All of the fake news, And self-rated ten out of ten, Could not get his ratings up for election again. “Here mate – rinse your mouth out with this liquid soap” 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
2905 I already fell of the wall, why not the wagon? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2906 No thanks. I am already a little tipsy. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2907 I hit rock bottom. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2908 I mean, what do the king’s horses know about medicine? 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2909 I'll have an extra large egg cream. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2910 This stool has to be more stable than that wall, right? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2911 Wagon...wall...what’s the difference? Give me a beer. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2912 Give me a double “All the Kings’s Horses and all the King’s Men” with a twist of lime. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2913 Pour heavy. I'm trying to get fried. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2914 One more and I'll get back on the wall AND the wagon. 1.2205 0.03430 127 100 26 0
2915 Got anything stronger? 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2916 Fell off the wall. Fell off the wagon. Fell off the wall again. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2917 What do you recommend for a "pick me up and put me back together again"? 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2918 I want to get hammered again. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2919 No. I didn't have a great fall. Henpecked, yes, but no great fall. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2920 In our house everybody rolls out of bed. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2921 Bartender: "I can see you fell off the wagon again" 1.2205 0.04460 127 103 18 5
2922 You wouldn't believe what it took to put myself back together,again. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2923 No WallBangers please! 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2924 Well, it was really more like a slatted fence 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2925 The King Cut My Health Care Benefits 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2926 Too bad the other guy was hard boiled. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2927 All I did was sit on his wall... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2928 Whisky sour please, already had a wallbanger on the rocks. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2929 Workin the Border Wall ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2930 Trumpty: "All the Republicans' men could not put me together again." 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2931 Wall, wagon -- same difference. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2932 Fate? Flaw in the wall? Butterfly effect? You tell me! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2933 Falling off the wagon was worse. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2934 Another, neat. At this point, how could falling off the wagon hurt? 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2935 Egg Cream, shot of Bourbon. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2936 Actually, I fell off a bar stool. The poem about "king's horses" came from my press agent. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2937 And put it on Mexico's tab. 1.2205 0.04317 127 102 20 4
2938 I need a pick-me-up. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2939 Actually, I only had minor abrasions until 'all the king's men and all the king's horses' tried to put me back together again. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2940 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men were busy with a photo-op. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2941 I was trying to put on my mask.. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2942 On top of that, the wall was in a bad neighborhood. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2943 Thank Heaven for all the King's women. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2944 Neat. On the rocks is how I got into this mess. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2945 something strong! my girl friend just dumped me and I'm all broken up. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2946 The peaceful demostration had already broken up. We were walking home when these cops in riot gear came out of nowhere, tear gassed and beat the yoke out of us. I tell you, Joe, I thougth I was a goner, scrambled eggs on toaste, you know. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2947 Road service didn’t show up for over an hour! 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2948 It was the perfect brunch until we got to the omelet station. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2949 Yeah yeah I fell off the wagon too - pour it 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2950 If you think I look bad, you should should see my brother. He’s an omelette now. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2951 Okay, one more. But I don't want to see you up on that wall again. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2952 Do you serve scrambled eggs here? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2953 ... And for the record, all the king's horses just stood there laughing at me. 1.2205 0.03243 127 104 21 2
2954 There must have been about a dozen of them... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2955 It’s ok, hardly anyone remembers the wall anymore. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2956 Just thought I'd drop by. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2957 It’s way past hatching time, but it says it won’t come out until there’s a vaccine. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2958 Worthless king's men! 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2959 I was lucky to get out in one piece. Poor Humpty didn't make it. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2960 You’re doing a better job than all the King’s horses and all the King’s men did. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2961 Do I look like I care if it's shaken or stirred? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2962 And for some reason the King had his horses try first... 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2963 Yeah, there are over one hundred vaccines being tested. Guess you can't cure a pandemic without breaking a few eggs. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2964 And after they pushed me, they had the nerve to call me Humpty Dumpty 1.2205 0.04389 127 106 15 6
2965 A martini, with two olives and a tube of Super Glue. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2966 And don’t get me started on the King’s men. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2967 Something to cure a splitting headache. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2968 Life isn't all its been cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2969 Things are tough,my doctor is a horse. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
2970 Thats it, no more eggnog. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2971 Lesson learned never sit high up on a ...Oooh, I don't mind if I do. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2972 My agent didn't tell me the shoot was a "brain on drugs" PSA. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2973 I didn't think I'd get the "It's not you, it's me" from ALL the King's horses. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2974 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t pour a proper drink 1.2205 0.04989 127 108 10 9
2975 I quipped over a crack... 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2976 No, that was my dad. I was in a Black Lives Matter March. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2977 Make it a double, it’s been a bad day 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2978 A big fall? No, that's fake news. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2979 Make that a double, please. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2980 They keep saying something about making an omelet. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2981 The owner of that wall will be hearing from my lawyer 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2982 Actually, it wasn’t the fall as much as it was all the horses and men. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2983 I got stampeded by the king’s horses and maced by the king’s men. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2984 Next time, instead of the king's men, I'll just call an ambulance. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
2985 No more thanks, I’m smashed 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2986 I donno Joe, some guy said the wall was beautiful and I just said you should try sitting on it 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2987 I'd rather have a shot of Super Glue. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2988 Enough already with the King's Horses and King's men....make it a double. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2989 That I didn't crack open is a miracle! 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2990 I play a hard-boiled detective, and things got a little rough on the set. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2991 Well at least all the King's horses meant well. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
2992 She cracked me up when she called me "EGGHEAD". 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2993 Naw. It wasn't all the horses or all the men. It was a flash bang and a couple rubber bullets. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2994 I'm afraid of heights. Do you have any shorter stools? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2995 I think I'd better lay off the Harvey Wallbangers. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2996 Pour a couple for the King's men as well. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2997 Thanks Johnny. And I’ll pick up the tab for that table with all the King’s men as well. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2998 I can't believe I fell for Trump's stupid wall. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2999 You should see the King's men. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3000 I could crack open a cold one 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3001 The last thing I recall was being in the mosh pit and someone yelled “Let’s make an omelette!” 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3002 Make it a double. I think I'm cracking up. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3003 She told me I was cracked in the head. I couldn't argue. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3004 Neat. No rocks. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3005 No. No wall. No fall. I organized the Tulsa rally. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3006 I was only dazed until the king's horses tried to help me. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3007 The last thing I remember is sitting down at Anton’s and ordering the Egg Beater Special. Better make it a double, Francis. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3008 I was beaten by two hard boiled yeggs! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3009 Egg nog? Do you mock me, Sir? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3010 Fortunately, I got a second opinion in another kingdom. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3011 Fake news. The King said his men put me back together stronger than ever. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3012 Really? All the king's horses AND all the king's men? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3013 Shaken or stirred!?! THAT stopped mattering a few months ago. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3014 I feel kinda empty inside! 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3015 I fell off the wagon hard this time ! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3016 You should try being hard boiled. 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
3017 A Trump supporter threw me at John Bolton at the annual White House Easter egg extravaganza. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3018 I was protesting at The Wall. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3019 Turned out to be a fake wall. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3020 There's something in me I can't keep inside anymore. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3021 I'll tell ya, I'm done with walls! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3022 Wine please. No more Wallbangers for me. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3023 Well, to tell you the truth... It all started when we decided to go on a break... 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3024 And then she said something about an omelette, and I got outta there. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3025 It turns out that one of the king's horses was more talented then we thought. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3026 Hangover remedies aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3027 One more crack and I'm outta here. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3028 Can I get that with a glue chaser? 1.2205 0.04017 127 106 16 5
3029 All the kings men are in quarantine. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3030 No, I hadn’t been drinking when it happened. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3031 It was a foolish dare. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3032 My father may have been a chicken, but I never back down. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3033 I tell you, I was just sitting on the wall and before I knew it, wham!, the cop yanked me down onto the pavement. And I'm white. My brown cousin didn't fare so well and lost a lot of yoke. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3034 Bet you've never heard this one before.. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3035 You should see the other egg! He's deviled now. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3036 If it were up to me, I'd rather have a lousy summer than a great fall. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3037 It's not easy being Trumpty Dumpty! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3038 Let me tell ya' Sid...falling off walls is a young egg's game. 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
3039 . . . and it was just a tiny crack, but then suddenly there were all these horses, and all these men, and . . . 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3040 Got anything with added calcium? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3041 Who's stupid idea was it to build a wall in the first place? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3042 All I can say is thank heavens the King's women had their act together. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3043 In hindsight I should have just paid for a sitter. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3044 I blame myself, I voted for that 'big beautiful wall' 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3045 They could too! Put me back together again 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3046 I've seen my own yolk ... 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3047 I tell ya, I'm SICK o' that Damn Wall! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3048 No, it wasn't the fall; it was the king's men. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3049 I feel like I’ve hit a wall at work. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3050 I bet you never heard my story before. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3051 All the King's horses, and all the King's Men... and Sarah... and therapy... and dieting... and exercise... 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3052 Forget all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, Joe...what I really need is a shot of Jameson’s. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3053 So then I said to them — which of these horses know the first thing about it? Go get me a doctor. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3054 Turns out that all the King's men are not considered essential workers" - Carl Yaffe, Rockville, Marylan 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3055 You should see the guy-he wasn't hard boiled! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3056 Everyone says I'm a good egg, but I can't seem to catch a break. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3057 And then I said, "Whaddya want, egg in yer beer?" 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3058 If all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do it,what makes you think that Jack Daniels can help. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3059 Trump said there were miles more wall, so I just kept going until... 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3060 give me anything but a wallbanger 1.2205 0.04244 127 105 17 5
3061 I was hoping for all the King's horses and all the King's men, but I had to settle for Jared Kushner. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3062 Not another wallbanger please. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3063 It was at the border, but not very high. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3064 Then, All the King's Men show up 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3065 ... and to top it off, the wall is going to sue me. 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
3066 All the King’s horses didn’t help the situation. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3067 Officially, I'm better than ever. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3068 Walls, am I right? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3069 Just a warning Don, if the King's men show up and try and put you back together tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3070 Had a great fall? Hell no. 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
3071 All the kings’ horses were completely useless. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3072 . . . and then they tried to put me back together again! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3073 Make it a double, pal. I just had a great fall. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3074 The entire staff started in—first it was ‘Egghead,’ then ‘You must have heard that eggain and eggain.’ Then, ‘Are you here to discuss eggonomics?’ ‘Eggsactly! You’re the eggspert!’ And that’s when the fight began. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3075 So then I said, "Oh yeah? You and what army?" Danged if he wasn't 82nd Airborne. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3076 Twenty years on that wall and I never fell. Two days off the wagon and look at me! 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3077 Jump Humpty, Jump Humpty." I got tired of hearing it all day, so I did it 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3078 Build the wall, build the wall!!" I just got carried away in all the excitement. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3079 I went over hard. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3080 So you say I arrived here with 11 others, and then snuck out to an all-night diner around midnight? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3081 Where is his mask? Did he wash his hands?? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3082 Some crazy kid tried to dye me. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3083 I shouldn't be surprised the King's Court doesn't provide health insurance. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3084 And since when do horses know anything about healthcare? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3085 Make it a double. I'm shell-shocked. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3086 Now you're telling me you don't serve raw or undercooked eggs? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3087 Then all of the king's men started throwing tear gas. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3088 Hey Bernie, let me guess, another spoon and egg race down at parker elementary ? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3089 ...so I ditched the wall racket and went long in cruise line equities... 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3090 I thought that it was just a peaceful protest 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3091 So where did you come up with naming the drink, "All the Kings Horses?" 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3092 Every time she leaves the nest, I get smashed 1.2205 0.03693 127 99 28 0
3093 I don't know who hit me. I may be hard-boiled, but I'm not a detective. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3094 I had to go out of network to get put back together again. I’m afraid to see the bill. 1.2205 0.04460 127 103 18 5
3095 Yeah, well you wouldn’t look so good either if you had all the King’s horses and all the King’s men working on you instead of a proper surgeon. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3096 And there wasn't a doc within miles, just a bunch of royals and their bloody horses. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3097 Yeah, the fall was great but the winter and spring really sucked. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3098 Usually, when someone breaks up with me, she just breaks my heart. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3099 On the house for the Egg who tried to secure a seat on the wall! 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3100 If you read this in a book you wouldn’t believe it. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3101 I get headaches that affects my entire body. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3102 The King, his horses, and all his men, suck at their jobs. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3103 It was a shattering experience. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3104 Lafayette Park... I remember the day when all the king's horses and the king's men were honored "First Responders". 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3105 Do you think if I fell off Trump’s wall and needed surgery, Mexico would pay for it? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3106 I think the fall scrambled my brain. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3107 Dang! Those first year culinary students...! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3108 The cracks you get, being all about walls and being white 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3109 Just the thought of saying, "Here's to your health" really cracks me up. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3110 The Wall Street crash really hit me hard. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 17 5
3111 Perfect time to fall off the wagon. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3112 After the wall, this bar stool is a piece of cake. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3113 You're cracking me up, but seriously dude, ya gotta stop now! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3114 I suppose I should buy a round for all the king's men, too. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3115 The ER helped me, but where were all the Kings horses and all the Kings men when I needed them? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3116 My shrink says I have a fragile shell. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3117 It wasn't so much the fall ... it was those damn king's horsemen with their flash-bangs!! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3118 Whatever else you do Al, don't name your first born Humpty 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3119 Could you hold the‘Wallbanger’ today, Harry? 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3120 But I'm tellin' you, Mike, his horses get a bad rap. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3121 Should I put this on Mexico’s tab Mr. Dumpty? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3122 I warned you not to sit on that wall, Humpty! 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3123 I don’t know what it is. . . I just can’t get it together! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3124 The recipe said 1 egg slightly beaten and the next thing I knew they jumped me 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3125 One of the king's men shouted he wanted an omelet. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3126 Why do they keep putting me together? Can’t they see I’m JUMPING? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3127 I wish the king's men had got there before his horses! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3128 Demonstrations are exactly what they’re cracked up to be! 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3129 And that’s when Humpty Dumpty fell off the wagon again. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3130 I'm off the wall, but not the wagon. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3131 It turns out all those horses and men didn't like me to begin with. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3132 Egg Beaters whipped Dirty Dozen in a 12-0 win. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3133 Yeah I was just out peacefully protesting and the NYPD pushed me off the wall. 1.2205 0.04989 127 108 10 9
3134 So I’ve got this chick stuck in my head… 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3135 ...and a $1500 deductible. The King’s Men are out of network. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3136 Might as well open a tab. All the King's horses and all the King's men are on the way. 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
3137 Guess I'm too fragile for the world of politics. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3138 Not surprisingly, all the King's telemedicine couldn't, either. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3139 Bartender, I asked for a Scotch, not a Harvey Wall Banger 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3140 I’m confused. Do I drink to fall down or fall down so I can drink? 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3141 Do you have low seats? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3142 Pickled? I wish! 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3143 AS LONG AS IT IS NOT ON THE ROCKS 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3144 The Mexicans will pay for this. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3145 You really think that EGG does his own stunts! 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3146 What the media isn’t telling you, is that the sit in originally started as a peaceful protest against the king. But ever since the big fall, the message has been lost. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3147 None of the king’s horses are EMTs. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3148 Guess I’m just a soft-boiled guy in a hard-boiled world. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3149 Remember me from last night? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3150 Is that the strongest you got for a beaten egg? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3151 'Build the wall' my ass. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3152 It’s been tough lately but i think I’m going to have a great Fall 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3153 I'm also fragile on the inside, you know. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3154 All the king’s men were busy gassing protesters. 1.2205 0.03859 127 100 26 1
3155 Those Boogalou types are rough! 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
3156 One more fall and the yolk’s on me. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3157 Is it just me or is this stool wobbly? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3158 It would have gone better if the horses had left me alone. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3159 The grapevine says that all the kings horses were fired. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3160 Do you have anything strong enough to relieve a patch-up by horses? 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
3161 We should defund egg drop experiments. 1.2205 0.05113 127 109 8 10
3162 Whenever I drink, I have a great fall. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3163 All I said was 'Yes, that dress makes you look round!' 1.2205 0.04862 127 107 12 8
3164 Everyone out there was making cracks! 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3165 Yes, I can still hold my liquor! Make it a double. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3166 That was my day. How was yours. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3167 Next thing I know, the chicken is bowling me over and squawking, "I'm first! I'm first!" 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3168 You know, my mother always told me not to sit on that wall. I should have listened. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3169 Being King isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3170 All the king's horses? I mean,what did he think was going to happen? 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3171 Gimme the good stuff. I’m toasting all the Kings women. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3172 So, then the cops showed up and somebody yelled ‘scramble!’ 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3173 This isn’t so bad. You should see my eggzema” 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3174 I had a great fall. The spring, not so good. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3175 What's one more? I've become a shell of myself. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3176 Now she says I’m too fragile and she’s tired of walking around me like I’m some eggshell! 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3177 Should all the king's horses and all the king's men show up, you'd be doing this old egg a big favor if you tossed their asses out on the street. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3178 It’s okay..I’ve got a ride. All the King’s Horses and all the King’s Men are picking me up” 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3179 Waiting on the wall, wasn't all I thought it would crack up to be! 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3180 They didn't even TRY to put me back together again! 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3181 My advice is stay away from Wall Street. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3182 All I said was, "Hurry up. We gotta scramble. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3183 You have to break eggs to make an omelette 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3184 I wish they hadn't put me together again. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3185 I'm fine. Just a little scrambled is all. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3186 Make it a double. They call that a “great” fall?! 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3187 It was the king’s horses, mostly. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3188 Thanks, Sam, things didn't go over so easy this morning. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3189 You got to keep 'em coming Joe, until there is room in the E.R. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3190 Even nursery rhymes have a fall guy. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3191 Whisky versus Entropy... let's see which wins. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3192 Same king, same horses, same problem. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3193 They made me crack up but the yolk was really on them. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3194 So then I told that chicken-bleep the egg came first. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3195 You never got me down, Ray! You hear me, you never got me down! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3196 For the record I was pushed. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3197 And what did they expect the king's horses to do? They don't even have hands! 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3198 Any way but on the rocks. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3199 I just need a good picker-upper 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3200 I was peacefully protesting all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3201 And I was like, since when does a horse know how to fix an egg. 1.2205 0.04017 127 101 24 2
3202 I’ll have a large eggnog. 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
3203 Make it a double,I am starting to crack up . 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3204 Neat please, I've just been on the rocks. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3205 Oh, please. Don't flatter yourself. It wasn't your joke that cracked me up. 1.2205 0.04170 127 101 22 3
3206 Social distancing is a good idea, believe me I know! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3207 Humpty Dumpty was never quite the same after experiencing shell shock. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3208 i should have stayed away from Wall St. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3209 It's been rough since they defunded all the king's horses and all the kings men. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3210 Yeah, rough night. But I've been slowing cracking for the last four years. 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
3211 So I guess those SOBs won't be making an omlette today. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3212 One more and then I've got to get back up on that wall. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3213 With a scotch tape chaser. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
3214 Drunk? I'm practically pickled. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3215 If I get caught they’ll fry me. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
3216 I just wish people would stop judging me. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3217 My HMO's providers turned out to be mostly Horses and a few drunk King's Men. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
3218 I might seem together, but... 1.2205 0.04989 127 108 10 9
3219 Yeah, it was the border wall. So what? 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
3220 I guess one more can't hurt. 1.2182 0.04545 110 89 18 3
3221 I know what you read, but they Googled it -so here I am. 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
3222 Yeah, it was a rough winter and spring. But I had a great fall. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3223 I fell off the wagon— again. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3224 You should see the other guy. Chicken tried to come first 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3225 So that’s what you meant by on the rocks... I’ll take this one neat please. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3226 It's just going to seep out the cracks and ruin my boots. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3227 Well I had a job in Wall Street till they found out that I was a shell company. Then as my shares fell, I too had a great fall. Now I need you all to egg me on so that I don’t crack up. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3228 Harvey Wallbanger, and keep em coming. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3229 I wanted to prove that we are good at sitting on walls. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3230 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men were worthless. It took the Queen’s women to put me back together again. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3231 Honestly, I wish they hadn’t tried. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3232 That’ll be the last time I give a commencement speech at west point! 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3233 So I just had a great fall from a big, beautiful wall... 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3234 Pour one for yourself too: this whole 'Make Falls Great Again' campaign isn't working for any of us 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3235 And then I decided I'd come here and scramble my brain while I'm at it. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3236 Might as well fall off the wagon too.. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3237 I’m not good with walls. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3238 First she humpty humps me, than she dumpty dumps me. Story of my life 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3239 He said that all that Great Fall business was a hoax by the other side..he called it ‘Fake News’.. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3240 I don't know Bob, what if it wasn't a GREAT fall? 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3241 ...and then they said, we put you together, now back up on the wall! 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3242 Bad fall?" "How did you know? 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3243 Well, Tony I did it again. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3244 One thing led to another and I stole the midget’s limbs. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3245 They ignored my press credentials 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3246 My therapist told me to break out of my shell and meet some new people. Unfortunately, I went to that new rock climbing gym and did just that. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3247 Give me the good stuff Jerome. Nothing to lose at this point. 1.2177 0.04933 124 105 11 8
3248 yeah, my 2020 hasn’t been so great either 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3249 Sal, She used to crack me up.... 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3250 Believe me, Bill. This ain't no yolk. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3251 I suppose you tried to reach the sunny side today 1.2177 0.04933 124 105 11 8
3252 On the bright side we can eat indoors again. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3253 Can you believe all the King’s men said I fell off that wall? The horses know what really happened. Anyway, they said I fit a description... 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3254 You look like you need a drink sir; Yeah maybe two, these NYC streets are tough but I told myself I wouldn’t let it break me; not even those rubber bullets I took in the side of my shell” 1.2177 0.05065 124 106 9 9
3255 The 2020 Gods made me sit on the wall 1.2177 0.04933 124 105 11 8
3256 That is the last company team building retreat I'm going to 1.2177 0.03893 124 98 25 1
3257 And Dave told Humpty to drink up, because he was going to need it. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3258 They sent the king’s women. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3259 Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool, Humpty ordered a Moscow Mule; All the keep’s spirits and all the keep’s beer Couldn’t make Humpty’s hangover disappear. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3260 Back for more, Humpty?” “Yea, I know... it’s a vicious cycle. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3261 ...And then she just said she was tired of walking on eggshells 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3262 I never should’ve invested in WeWork 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3263 eggnog?! 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3264 We are never ever getting back together. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3265 I had what she had! 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3266 Feels like I’ve been through shell and back this year 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3267 Long day 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3268 The bottle says this may contain traces of egg, is that an issue for you? 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3269 I had a big fall...sigh..again. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3270 Surprise me, but make sure it’s not an eggnog! 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3271 They Humpty dumped me on rock bottom. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3272 Make it a double, extra egg whites. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3273 Hit me again. It's the story of my life. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3274 Last night I sat on this stool Fell to the floor like a drunken fool All the king's bourbon and an old speckled hen Couldn't dissuade me from coming back here again" 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3275 The fall actually wasn't too bad. It was the king's horses trying to put me back together again. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3276 ….so they take me out of my carton and put me in the fridge. They close the door and I look around…I’m surrounded by nothing but EggBeaters! 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3277 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men did the best they could under the circumstances 1.2177 0.05065 124 106 9 9
3278 Whoever said fairy tales do come true neglected to mention nursery rhymes. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3279 He said I'm thin-skinned, hard-boiled, and should come out of my shell." 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3280 Think I look bad, you should see the chicken. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3281 Make it a double Joe, I'm feeling a little shell-shocked right now! 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3282 It wasn't so bad, until the horses tried to help. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3283 They called me a poacher and then they beat the hell out of me. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3284 So then one barkeep asks the other 'one egg, beaten' 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3285 That's it. I'm done! Trump can build his own wall. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3286 Wall of the fall that broke me, please... 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3287 Rough week on Wall Street. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3288 Make it a double, Trump just canceled my Obamacare. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3289 When will people learn that walking on eggshells serves absolutely no one? I'm about to crack. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3290 ...so that’s what I mean when I say ‘Defund the Kings Men’ 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3291 Me? Shaken not shirred 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3292 I’d wear a face mask, but I really don’t think I’m part of the at risk population. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3293 Not only that... but I think I have restless leg syndrome. 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3294 Happy with my medical care? Are you kidding? I had specifically checked the "do not put back together" box in my living will. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3295 So we were sitting on this wall, and made the mistake of telling Bacon I that wanted to try pairing with other breakfast meats. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3296 It's been a rough day! I almost broke under the pressure. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3297 I was being politically correct, but walking on egg shells doesn't work for me. 1.2177 0.04370 124 100 19 4
3298 All the King's men did this to me in front of the palace! 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3299 Had nothing to do with sitting on that wall... I’m hatching! 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3300 Leave the bottle – I’ve had a tough day on Wall Street. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3301 That's last time I social distance by sitting on a wall. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3302 Off the wall...again. 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3303 They promised ! King’s horses shmorses! Men? My cracked shell of an ass! 1.2177 0.05192 124 107 7 10
3304 Don't try to crack me up with any of your jokes! 1.2177 0.04217 124 99 21 3
3305 It all just started out as a friendly disagreement - he said, "I came first", and I said "No, I came first." 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3306 Seriously , the “special” is egg nog? 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3307 So what exactly is IN an 'All The King's Horses'? 1.2177 0.04933 124 105 11 8
3308 It's been a tough week. All the kings horses and all the kings men are under quarantine. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3309 No, not Covid-19, just a wall fall. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3310 I said, General. I've got myself a problem, general, because I'm wearing leather bottom shoes, which is good if you're walking on flat surfaces. It's not good for ramps. And if I fall down -- look at all those press back there. Look at that. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3311 And that’s when my thoughts on the border wall changed. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3312 That was just this morning. He said he wants poached for dinner. 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3313 I was just trying to visit Mexico. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3314 Sal you succeed where the Kings Men and Horses fail. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3315 A tall one to unscramble my brain. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3316 Another wallbanger, please. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3317 Protesting atop the Trump wall was a big mistake. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3318 He said he wasn't going to coddle me, but I foolishly egged him on. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3319 The hospital was in network, but apparently not the doctor who saw me. I'm back to taking shifts on the wall next week. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3320 Then the border patrol agent said it was only three miles long...I could have walked around it. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3321 Ever felt like you were the fall guy at work? 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3322 Not on the rocks—I’ve had that already today. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3323 Why put horses on the medical staff? 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3324 You know who’s overrated? The King’s staff. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3325 Yes, a double: I had A Great Fall. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3326 You should see the egg on the other guy’s face! 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3327 They told me getting over the border wall was going to be easy! 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3328 I remember my first great fall, kid. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3329 In the future, I'll skip all the king's horses and men and call the kid with a tube of airplane glue first." 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3330 It sure didn't feel like a great fall to me. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3331 I'll tell ya, pal, being a Dumpty isn't all that it's cracked up to be. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3332 Same old epistemological argument...then the chicken comes after me...my position all along. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3333 I'm British. I thought a 'cracking good time' meant something rather different. I guess the yolk's on me. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3334 The wall is a really stupid idea. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3335 Would it be too ironic if I ordered a Harvey Wallbanger? 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3336 ...and they said to me, ' you're outta luck, this is Queen's County, we ain't puttin nuttin back together again' 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3337 You'd think with all the vegans in this town I'd be in less demand. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3338 Make it a double, I'm all broken up. 1.2177 0.04660 124 101 15 6
3339 Y’know, I really don’t know which end is up these days! 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3340 After we did those shots last night I remember sitting on the wall and then what? 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3341 And then this king's horse kicked me! 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3342 I'm telling you, they really beat the shell out of me. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3343 ... and then there are the horses. You know, no prehensile thumbs, no fine motor skills... 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3344 All I did was compliment her on her eggliness. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3345 I was just sitting up there, minding my own business. 1.2177 0.03893 124 98 25 1
3346 What makes you think I've had a break-up? 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3347 Just put it on the King's men's tab. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3348 Something there is that doesn’t love a wall... 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3349 Mack, do you think I have a big head? 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3350 One too many Harvey Wallbangers! 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3351 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men...but no Workers’ Comp! 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3352 Just a touch, I've already fallen. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3353 All the king's horses were bad enough, but all the king's men were thoroughly unprofessional. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3354 I wasn't drunk, the wall was really slippery... 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3355 I dont blame him, my ID is quite olde. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3356 Is it too much to ask that someone else take the fall for once? 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3357 It might have worked out fine if they hadn't involved all the King's Horses. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3358 And he was all like...."what are you lookin' at", and I was all like,"a post fetal mammal with a maturity problem." 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3359 I fell off a sidewalk. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3360 Yeh, it was from that damn Trump wall. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3361 Then, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men stepped on me! 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3362 No no no, I didn't fall. A couple of guys thought I said Humpty Trumpty. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3363 He had this hungry look in his eyes ... 1.2177 0.04933 124 105 11 8
3364 ''I know, it's a real bummer. All those King's horses and King's men really suck.'' 1.2177 0.04933 124 105 11 8
3365 And don't get me started on the border wall. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3366 Hey barkeep. Guess I shouldn't told that chick in the corner booth, she reminded me of my mother. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3367 Being me is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3368 It was such a beautiful wall. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3369 "All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do it. Let's see how Captain Morgan does. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3370 It would be a lot worse if I wasn't hard boiled. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3371 Make it a Pisco Sour. I think I’m leaking. 1.2177 0.04294 124 103 16 5
3372 All I did was respond to Trump's Tweet 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3373 Never mind the kings horses, I need a Manhattan. 1.2177 0.04799 124 104 13 7
3374 Forget the king's horses and his men...this wall business isn't all that it's cracked up to be 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3375 Extra egg white... I kinda need it. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3376 To Jack ... he might have made it, but then Jill fell on him. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3377 Things have been tough with the King's horses and men being furloughed, you know. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3378 It turns out all the kings horses and all the kings men won’t offer me socialized medicine. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3379 Do you remember if I smashed into anything last night? 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3380 It all started when my mother named me Humpty. It’s been all downhill since then. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3381 I'm picking up the tab for all the king's men tonight. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3382 Sorry pal, we don't serve breakfast 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3383 Don't let me get falling-down drunk this time. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3384 Whiskey sour — and hold the egg whites this time, Patrick. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3385 We broke up 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3386 Pour it all in. I'm my own hangover cure." 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3387 Ever since Brunch made a come-back , it's been unsafe for us to go out . 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3388 I kept saying, I'm hard boiled! 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3389 This job is not all it's cracked up to be! 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3390 Forget this crazy summer. I just want to have a great fall.” 1.2177 0.05065 124 105 9 9
3391 ...and he had the audacity to tweet I was a member of Antifa. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3392 I don't have a drinking problem, I have a falling problem. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3393 Not too much! Too much is why I fell of that wall. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3394 There was no wall, it was the king’s men. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3395 I told everyone 19,000 and an overflow crowd outside ... and only 6,200 showed up. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3396 I guess I had my legs dangling over the wrong side of that wall. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3397 Just water this time, I'm feeling a little tipsy. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3398 Actually, my fall was great. This is all from this past spring. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3399 Great fall? There was nothing GREAT about it! 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3400 Your drink has been paid for by all the king's horses... 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
3401 On the rocks? Is that some kind of a crack? 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3402 No, I won't be going back to the way I was before but I think I'll be okay with the new normal. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3403 Come out and protest, it’ll be peaceful” they said. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3404 Free range is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3405 I liked Easter at the White House Easter better under Obama. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3406 I took a knee at the protest, and look what happened! 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3407 ...so anyway, then I decided to get drunk. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3408 I finally found a way to come out of my shell... 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3409 Too many Wallbangers. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3410 Looks like I fell off the wagon a̲n̲d̲ the wall today. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3411 And then they let the horses put me together again. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
3412 ...so he limped to the bar and sat on a stool, ordered a double, and pity the fool. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
3413 naw this time it was a stair case 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
3414 Don’t believe what they tell you, bud. Fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
3415 'Sir, what could go wrong?' they said. 'Sir, it's just a ramp,' they said. 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
3416 Well, I guess the yolk's on her now. 1.2174 0.04240 115 92 21 2
3417 So there I was, minding my own business on top of Albert Pike's statue. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
3418 I didn’t mind. I was just happy to finally get out of the carton. 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
3419 Would you mind leaking into the glass a little? I'm making whisky sours. 1.2155 0.04711 116 96 15 5
3420 thank god that at the last moment she decided to go vegan 1.2149 0.04265 121 98 20 3
3421 Life is just not cracked up to what it used to be 1.2149 0.04100 121 97 22 2
3422 Boy, Trump won’t give up on this Wall thing! 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
3423 The doctors say I'll be left with a permanent wobble." 1.2137 0.04175 117 94 21 2
3424 Then I said that anyone can sit on a wall. 1.2137 0.04175 117 94 21 2
3425 You try tellin' that to all the king's horses... 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
3426 Being an egg is not all it’s cracked up to be... 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
3427 It was actually just a mediocre fall 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3428 At this point, I’m ready to get smashed... 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3429 Should have worn the mask! 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3430 I think I’m cracking up! 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3431 Did you say “on the rocks”? 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3432 The strongest you’ve got, Mike. I’m in pain. My insurance only covers king’s horses and king’s men. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3433 If the king's men can't put you back together, maybe Kingston can. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3434 Believe it or not I tripped. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3435 So I was in a pickle... 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3436 Humpty, did you see if he had a body-camera?? 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3437 They let the horses try 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3438 Please don’t say these are strange and uncertain times. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3439 I just got laid 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3440 Damn, 2020 still keeps hitting me hard 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3441 I should consider a different job, but with the economy, you take the fall. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3442 Cheer up, pal. At least you don’t work at the White House. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3443 Because of who I am, I’ll always be treading on eggshells 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3444 All I said was egg whites has more protein 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3445 Can you make this eggnog extra dirty? It’s been a rough week... 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3446 The guy just keeps building walls... 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3447 Bartender: “At least the President’s forces and the President’s men will always work to put your white fragility together again.” 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3448 The scan showed I have some mild membrane damage 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
3449 You think this is bad? You should see what they do to non-whites. 1.2101 0.04445 119 97 16 4
3450 Hoping the eggnog is worth it 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3451 Go to the costume party as General Robert E. Lee,” she said. “It’ll be fun,” she said 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3452 What a year to finally succeed in putting me together again 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3453 just trying to hold it together. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3454 The wall was one thing, but falling on these hard times is something else. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3455 Shaken; not stirred. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3456 Turns out they were looking for a different egg but apparently we all look eggactly alike 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3457 When even the king’s men can’t fix you, a good ol’ drink can 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3458 But really, I can’t complain. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
3459 Maybe a double can put Dumpty together again. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3460 Did you say 'last call' or 'last fall?' I'm a little scrambled. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3461 I really hope you have washed your hands, Joe. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
3462 Help! Everybody is walking on eggshells during this damn Pandamic! 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3463 Of course it happens to me on Hump Day. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3464 Buddy, I know it’s rough out there, but a whiskey egg white sour?! Think about your kids! 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
3465 After all the king's horses and all the king's men, you think that cheap bar scotch is going to help? 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3466 Give it to me straight. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3467 Do me a favor, Sam... Make sure nobody eats me after I get pickled. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3468 Fights with my wife never seem to end well. Lately I find myself constantly walking on eggshells around her. 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3469 They thought I was an asylum seeker. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3470 When I called for help,the King said he was sorry but all his horses and all his men had been defunded. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3471 So they're saying I may become the first egg to be beaten twice. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3472 Another Harvey Wallbanger, please. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3473 Just a Bloody Mary – – I’ve got a splitting headache. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3474 I had a great fall off the wagon 1.2101 0.03654 119 96 22 1
3475 Humpty Trumpty pushed me off his wall! 1.2101 0.04025 119 98 17 3
3476 Make it a stiff one, I'm about to fall apart! 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
3477 You crack me up. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3478 I'm having an eggsestential crisis 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3479 Personally, I think we should be tearing down walls, not building them. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3480 Quick, bartender, I took a hard fall off the wagon. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3481 Actually, it was a terrible fall. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3482 Pour it into a cracked glass please! 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3483 Yeah, and then they just got on their horses and rode off. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3484 Nah, not the fall or all the king’s men, but his damned horses kept trying to boot me back up the wall! 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3485 All I said was Egg lives matter too. Then they pushed me to the ground. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3486 I didn’t just FALL off the wagon! 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3487 If all you have are stools, I'd like to close my tab. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3488 _All I said to him was "Why the long face?" 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3489 Build that Wall, they said. Build that Wall 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3490 They said I didn't need to wear a mask! 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3491 All the King's men. Tear gas and rubber bullets. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3492 Pisco Sour, please. Hold the egg white. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3493 You should see The other guys. And horses. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3494 Last drink for you sir, you seem to be hammered enough 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3495 A Pisco Sour and definitely leave the egg out of it. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3496 A double. My head is splitting. 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
3497 So turns out, the border wall is poorly constructed. 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3498 My mother was a rather large bird. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3499 I was egged on 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3500 Fall off the wagon again? 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3501 Think I look bad, check out Humpty 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3502 The king's men were all thumbs. The king's horses were all hooves. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3503 No more for me thanks, my brain is scrambled!” 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3504 I tell ya, Harry, if all the kings horses and all the kings men hadn't been right around the corner at Ms. Muffet's all you can eat curds and whey buffet... 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3505 It's true I had a great Fall, but Spring was brutal. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
3506 All the King's Horses and all the King's mender worthless. It's the Queen's women who got me back together again. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3507 A soft drink please, I am fragile today... 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3508 I’ll have a Painkiller, and make it a double. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3509 If you think this is bad, you should see the chicken. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3510 My Ex was a bad egg. 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
3511 Are there any 'plast-egg' surgeons in town? 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3512 I just lost my balance, but everyone's blaming Antifa. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3513 I’ll have a rum with an achin’ noggin”. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3514 All the king's horses and all the king's men, offered me vodka but I prefer gin. 1.2101 0.04198 119 99 16 4
3515 The President says he has a crack team working on putting me back together again. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3516 Apparently these horses don’t believe in anesthesia. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
3517 Be honest: do I seem hammered? 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3518 Never be an egghead at a Trump rally..... 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
3519 Yes, I’ve just met the King’s men, why do you ask? 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3520 Hey, it's not the wagon I fell off of! 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3521 No, not that kind of boxing! The guy was putting me in a box with 11 other eggs, and he dropped me. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3522 My doctor told me I was cracking up. I'm getting a second opinion" 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3523 Poor old Humpty. It’s a blessing to be hard boiled, it seems. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3524 You should see all the other King's men. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3525 I know, you tried to warn me that Humpty had a temper. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3526 Ain't nothing but a glass of whiskey sour can't fix, I guess. 1.2101 0.03654 119 96 21 1
3527 All the King's horses and . . . what are you talking about??!!! Those bastards are the ones who knocked me off the wall!! 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3528 It doesn't have to be "top shelf" 1.2101 0.03750 119 94 25 0
3529 All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't . . . but Seagram's did the trick. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3530 Falling off the wagon is a lot easier than falling off the wall. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
3531 Extra ice, Mac. The King's men aren't what they used to be. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3532 All the king’s horses said you serve breakfast. 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
3533 I’m tellin’ ya, those guys that got boiled last Easter were the lucky ones. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3534 Where I am supposed to get a mask that fits? 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3535 This time, not the hard stuff. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3536 Easy as falling off a log," they told me. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3537 It's funny -- I had a great fall. 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
3538 Make it a double and no wisecracks! 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
3539 I built a great wall; now I’m bidin’ my time, hopin’ for a great Fall - and, well, careful what you wish for... 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3540 Humpty, back together again? 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
3541 One King’s Horses Ale coming right up 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
3542 All the King's cows would have done a better job. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
3543 Do you know, Mexico never paid for it 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
3544 So much for "coming out of your little shell...." 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
3545 Since the fall, I’ve been reevaluating my life 1.2087 0.04001 115 92 22 1
3546 Make it a double. I’ve had a great fall and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are out of network for me. 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
3547 White privilege 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
3548 And don't get me started on the co-pay. 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
3549 I'm going through a bad breakup. 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
3550 I thought you said getting layed was a good thing? 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
3551 Don't believe everything you learn as a kid 1.2087 0.04001 115 92 22 1
3552 I’ll tell you, break-ups are rough even if you’re hard boiled 1.2087 0.04188 115 93 20 2
3553 I hold all the king's horses and all the king's men responsible! 1.2087 0.04862 115 97 12 6
3554 What do you mean, I knew this would happen eventually?! 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 13 5
3555 This time my HMO put me back together. 1.2087 0.04188 115 93 20 2
3556 My nesting days are over. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
3557 As you likely heard before, just a couple of bad eggs . . 1.2087 0.04188 115 93 20 2
3558 I guess telling all the King's horses and all the King's men that I'm a republican was a mistake. 1.2087 0.04188 115 93 20 2
3559 Just sit on this wall, she said. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
3560 Gimme something that'll stop the chirping in my head! 1.2087 0.04862 115 97 12 6
3561 I’ve fallen off of worse than the wagon. 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
3562 I said whiskey not rhyme 1.2083 0.03906 120 96 23 1
3563 We were already there for my shell so I thought, “Honey, as long as we’re here maybe Dr. Gettleman can take a quick look...” 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
3564 God I have to take a shit. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
3565 Did you fall off the wall again? 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
3566 Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time! 1.2069 0.04155 116 94 20 2
3567 Not hair of the dog - I need brick of the wall. 1.2069 0.04155 116 94 20 2
3568 D'you think I'm shelling-out for another drink?! 1.2066 0.04052 121 98 21 2
3569 This is my last one. I've got to get cracking. 1.2066 0.03878 121 97 23 1
3570 Keep 'em coming. My request to retire was denied again. 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
3571 Make it a stiff one I had a great fall. 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
3572 Raw, I presume? 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3573 A beaten egg walking into a bar is no yolking matter. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3574 A bar beyond the wall they said. 1.2051 0.03941 117 94 22 1
3575 Fighting for egg-quality ain't no place for chickens 1.2051 0.04937 117 99 10 7
3576 You know, that wall really wasn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3577 Humpty Dumpty falls off the wagon again. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3578 Their budget is massive and they still couldn’t do it. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3579 I was mostly fine until they brought out the horses. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3580 I’m just so relieved to not have to wear a mask anymore 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3581 Not this again” . 1.2051 0.05084 117 101 8 8
3582 I thought Mexico was going to pay for the damages this time... 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3583 Can I offer you a nice drink in this trying time 1.2051 0.05227 117 102 6 9
3584 Please don’t tell me that’s egg nog 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3585 I was invited to the Tulsa rally. Then President Trump used me to demonstrate how his wall worked 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3586 Since when was whisking not enough? 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3587 It’s been a rough 2020.. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3588 Trumpty Dumpty is headed for a big fall. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3589 And I haven’t even been born yet 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3590 I never realized the ego could actually leave the body Mr. Trump. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3591 It was a case of mist-egg-en identity” 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3592 I think I’ll stick to the bottom shelf for now. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3593 On the rocks? Did you look at me, man? 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3594 Lemme tell ya, it’s not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3595 Trump’s henchman tried to put me together again 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3596 Thanks for the sympathy and the free drink… The “yolks” on you...this is a costume. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3597 Listen Bill, I’m on the verge of cracking. I hope you’ll always remember that I was a good egg. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3598 You should see the other guy. They’ll never put him back together again. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3599 None of my friends could put me together after she dumped me...Ah, just give me that brandy with ale 1.2051 0.04033 117 96 17 3
3600 I really miss my mama today 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3601 It's a cruel world, Joe. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3602 ... and then he said “I could kill for an omelette.” 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3603 I don't know which is worse, i mean, back together again, or... 1.2051 0.04937 117 100 10 7
3604 Make it a double, Frank. The horses! The horses! 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3605 ‘I don’t know. That one guy kept telling me how big it was - but really it was more like a short fence.’ 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3606 I can only be called a “bad egg” so many time before I start to crack. . 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3607 We’ve all been lied to. Neither the wall, nor the fall were “great”. 1.2051 0.03941 117 93 22 1
3608 You have to come out of your shell, they said... 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3609 Living on the edge is overrated... trust me 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3610 Yep, had a great fall...right off the wagon 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3611 First I fall off the wall, then off the wagon.I think Im just a bad egg. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3612 Laughter as a remedy is not what it's cracked up to be. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3613 Turns out they didn’t want, or need, me on that wall. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3614 Fill 'er up, I swear it was a wall not a wagon. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3615 Looks like you need a double. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3616 One egg, sunny side up. 1.2051 0.05084 117 101 8 8
3617 No tequila, please. Mexico does not want to pay for my falling off the wall. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3618 All the king’s men weren’t so bad but those horses were complete klutzes 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3619 That's the last Easter egg hunt I'll attend at the Trump white house. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3620 Cheers to the only capable surgeon of the king's men! 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3621 You are making me a little nervous fixing me an Eggnog for my headache! 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3622 I was told that Mexico would pay for the drinks too. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3623 So I ask myself, “Are you a wise crack or a bad yolk?” 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3624 This was just from trip and fall, imagine if I fell off something. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3625 Make it a double, I fell off the wagon 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3626 I know it looks bad but you should see the wall! 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3627 I fell into 2020. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3628 Horses and men failed where scotch did prevail 1.2051 0.05084 117 101 8 8
3629 I fell off the wall so I think Mexico should pay for my drink. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3630 Make me a scotch egg please. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3631 I guess I'm too old for hot yoga 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3632 You shoulda seen the other egg. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3633 Sadly, my buddy's E.M.T. was a horse. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3634 Humpty’s cousin, Trumpty, had a thing about ramps. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3635 So then she says, "Ya know, you're not all you're cracked up to be." 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3636 Man... F*ck the police. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3637 I shouldn't have had that scotch on the rocks 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3638 'I'm tired of living in Great Falls.' 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3639 Hate that damned wall... 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3640 I'll have a boilermaker, please. 1.2051 0.04937 117 100 10 7
3641 My advice? Don't bet on all the King's horses. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3642 All the King's horses... not great at egg repair. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3643 Keep pouring until I can't pronounce Nik Wallenda. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3644 Make it neat, I'm hardboiled. 1.2051 0.03941 117 94 22 1
3645 I would rather have this over and easy 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3646 I'm still left with my eggsitential angst even as my fragile body heals! 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3647 I stopped for a fix at the King’s Men. Feeling better already. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3648 Just pour ....no wisecracks! 1.2051 0.04298 117 95 18 3
3649 It took me a while to realize this,but I think it's time to stop depending on the king and finally get therapy. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3650 Can you believe it? I dial 911, and they send the king’s horses. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3651 Last time I show up for brunch 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3652 Bartender, tell me a joke that would crack me up 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3653 I got lucky. I fell off the wagon not the wall. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3654 And get a round on me for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. I owe them big. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3655 It WAS a Great Fall. But a lousy Solstice. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3656 Make it a double please... I feel very raw today. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3657 You were right! No egg should ever march in a protest. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3658 Industry’s tough, kid. But who knows, maybe this’ll be your big break. 1.2051 0.04937 117 100 10 7
3659 This time it was the wagon. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3660 I don’t know! They were talking about an omelette! 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3661 What hurt most were their shouts "Omelet with him, omelet with him...". 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3662 I’d call it a “correction” on Wall St.; “fall” is overblown. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3663 ...Then the damn horses and the King's Men, inept as ever...oh, hell, make it double! 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3664 Omelet you eggstrapolate what happened when I sat on the wall. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3665 I must have been hallucinating, it looked like they had horses trying to fix me up too. Horses! 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3666 You were right. I should have social distanced. 1.2051 0.03749 117 93 24 0
3667 Life equals epoxy. 1.2051 0.03749 117 98 16 3
3668 Humpy Dumpty sat on a stool Humpty Dumpty said don't be a fool All of your whiskey and all of your beer Are why I am busted and sitting right here. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3669 And then some joker called me a chicken. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3670 I don’t know it just seems like I keep falling down in life 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3671 Just keep 'em coming until I'm completely pickled. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3672 I'm not going out again. It's not what it's cracked up to be. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3673 As far as I’m concerned, all the Kings horses and all the Kings men, can just suck it! 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3674 At least it isn't as bad as my cousin Humpty Dumpty 1.2051 0.03846 117 96 19 2
3675 Crack me another, Sam. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3676 Sorry, I can’t talk about Breakfast Club. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3677 Anything but another Harvey Wallbanger! 1.2051 0.05084 117 101 8 8
3678 You should see all the king's men... 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3679 And to make matters worse, I declined coverage for all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3680 Turns out the King himself is actually pretty handy. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3681 I think that fall might've scrambled my brain. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3682 No thanks. I've had enough of Canadian Club. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3683 He kept saying how fantastic his wall was going to be. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3684 Mexico didn’t even offer to pay for it! 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3685 Not to much this time Todd, last time I fell off a wall. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3686 Someone suggested making an omelet. I didn't break but I sure got messed up! 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3687 Any more cracks would be unwise. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3688 It’s not my fault that 994,000 people who registered decided not to come to the rally. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3689 No more walls for me. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3690 My double yolks are fighting again! 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3691 I told you not to sit on that damn wall, Hump. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3692 I don’t know, I thought it would be a good gig but maybe I’m not cut out to be a day care worker. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3693 Ixnay on the Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3694 no chaser...please no chasers 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3695 They lied to me... There's no safety net on this side of Trump's wall. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3696 Actually, I fell off the wagon yesterday. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3697 This should go over easy. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3698 Very astute, Joe .. really doesn't matter where I sit. Egg-holder, stool, or even the odd wall, .. I drink, I fall. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3699 Make it a triple, Al, i'm crackin' up over here 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3700 Anything but an egg cream. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3701 Well it was either have the King’s men put me back together or pay for an ambulance so... 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3702 All the King's Men, and make it snappy. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3703 No, I'm not fragile. I was attacked by K-pop kids on Tik-Tok 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3704 Trust me, falling off the wagon was a lot easier." 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3705 The last thing I remember hearing was someone yelling 'it's omelet time' 1.2051 0.03941 117 94 22 1
3706 All the King's horses and all the King's men are picking up the tab. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3707 That wall he's building is taller than you think. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3708 So there I am sitting on this wall when some guy asks if I want to be in the new "Jackass" movie. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3709 I can't handle anything stronger than ginger beer. 1.2051 0.05084 117 101 8 8
3710 I know, but why do they have to make omelets?" 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3711 I’m cracked and beat up, give me a double. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3712 Lost my job, lost my insurance, and so now I’m dependent on all the King’s men to try and put me back together again. You can see how that’s going. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3713 All The King's Horses and All The King's Men couldn't get it done...better make it a double. 1.2051 0.04937 117 100 10 7
3714 There I was, hiding in the grass... 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3715 I graduated from the school of hard knocks and the spooniversity of life. 1.2051 0.05227 117 102 6 9
3716 Apparently all the King’s men require health insurance to put me back together again 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3717 Honestly the fall wasn’t that bad. The impact on the other hand... 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3718 You should have seen the crate that hit me 1.2051 0.03749 117 93 24 0
3719 That's the last time I'll be the poster boy for making omelettes. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3720 At least I didn't end up with egg on my face. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3721 Bad day on Wall Street. 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
3722 Who said a raw yolk cures a hangover? 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3723 They say non-lethal, I say give me a freaking break. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3724 He built the wall and then he knocked me off when I wouldn't wear the hat he wanted. 1.2051 0.04937 117 100 10 7
3725 I don't get it. I'm a white egg. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3726 I'm feeling lucky today. Add two shots of bleach. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3727 I had a great fall, but the winter and spring have really sucked... 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
3728 I don't think I'll ever get it together. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3729 I guess it serves me right, arguing with a rooster about who came first. 1.2051 0.03941 117 94 22 1
3730 OK I’m wrecked — but we’re all wrecked! 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
3731 Honestly I’m not sure anyone can put me together again. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
3732 It was damn high! 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
3733 The King has so many horses. They just kept coming... 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3734 I wish they’d stop building Trump’s wall 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3735 I’ll need a fill up on the white thanks. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3736 Hold the rocks. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3737 It happened again Bob 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3738 Make it a double I am starting to crack. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3739 Never trust all the King’s horses, much less all his men 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3740 I’ll take a double shot of Lysol 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3741 Stan, make it a triple! 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3742 This one’s on President Trump. He says he understands now. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3743 maybe the wall wasnt such a good idea after all... 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3744 Make it neat- I can't take anymore rocks this year 1.2018 0.05165 114 99 7 8
3745 Thanks, Joe. I need something to help me put myself together. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3746 Wasn’t my worst Wednesday night. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3747 The cops were cracking heads out there. I had to scramble to get away 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3748 I heard the wall was fake news. Had to see for myself. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3749 What doesn’t kill you makes you crack 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3750 They just don't build eggshells like they used to, Lloyd 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3751 It’s not the first time, you know? Don’t ask. 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3752 He nogged me right of my feet I tell you. Came out of nowhere 1.2018 0.05165 114 99 7 8
3753 This is child’s play compared to the fall in 2016 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3754 It came out of nowhere & I couldn't breakfast enough. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3755 ‘Let’s go ahead and skip the egg white this time’ 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3756 If you fall off this stool I’m going to have to cut you off 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3757 Here’s hoping I’ll be better by Easter. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3758 I couldve been hard-boiled if it werent for.....the accident... 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3759 This one’s on the house. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3760 Easy on the nog. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3761 Believe me. It’s not all what it’s cracked up to be. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3762 This groundhog day stuff is going to be the end of me. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3763 Keep ‘em coming Donald, I’ve got a thick shell. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3764 Trust me...it was no wall 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3765 This job has me close to my breaking point. 1.2018 0.04349 114 93 17 3
3766 these ARE helping me come out of my shell 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3767 So, I said “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less” 1.2018 0.05313 114 100 5 9
3768 Gimme anything but a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3769 Overserve me? I'm already hard boiled! 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3770 Here's to hoping I have a better fall than spring. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3771 Been a long day. Two whiskey sours - I got the egg whites 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3772 I've been humpty dumped barkeep, I need something to put me back together. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3773 Yep, it’s the chicken finally... 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3774 Great Fall, terrible Spring. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3775 Make that a scotch 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3776 I thought we decided against sitting on walls for a while 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3777 You should see the other egg! 🥚 #mynewyorker 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3778 I forgot the safe word. It was Humpty 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3779 On second thought, I’ll try “whisked, not beaten” this time. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3780 I always thought I would thrive under pressure. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3781 Lou, make it a double.” “You got it, 2020. 1.2018 0.05012 114 98 9 7
3782 It just tastes better when you do it. 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3783 Make me a stiff drink, I am sick of walking on eggshells all the time! 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3784 I hit a wall 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3785 Put me back together again?-- They were the reason I was up on that wall to begin with. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3786 Just another day on wall street. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3787 So I was sitting on this wall in Lafayette Park... 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3788 You can put it under the ‘2020’ bar tab 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3789 Is it November yet? 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3790 I'm tired of putting myself together again 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3791 Don't make it on the rocks. I have had my fair share. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3792 This year’s trying to scramble me so bad. 1.2018 0.03877 114 94 17 2
3793 I thought I was safe & solid as a white eggshell..but now my whole reality has been shattered 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3794 Believe me, “great fall” doesn’t tell the half of it! 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3795 I’m new here. Is that how the King’s horses and men help everyone? 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3796 I’m just feeling down in the dumpties 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3797 You know, the Great Wall is pretty overrated. It’s kinda a dump. Not at all what it cracked up to be 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3798 I’m really going to have to shell out in medical expenses. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3799 Anything but a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3800 Don't ask... but make it a double and when all the king's men get here, their first round is on me. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3801 Sorry, my brain is a bit scrambled. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3802 Don't make it on the rocks. I've been there, done that. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3803 They said I'm too big to fail... 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3804 She called me a crackhead and kicked me out. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3805 She said she wouldn’t and couldn’t put me back together again 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3806 Had a great fall but spring just did me in. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3807 Forget hump day, I've had a dumpty day. 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3808 Sure, they meant well, but all the king's horses could have used some first aid training. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3809 What would really taste good right now is a stiff eggnog... 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3810 Don't worry about my balance, keep pouring. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3811 Those order walls are murder. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3812 Please....I'm sick of egg nog. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3813 All I said was that at her age she should be happy for any egg she could get 1.2018 0.03220 114 96 16 2
3814 I suppose I'll be called DUMBty from now on. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3815 It was actually the wagon, not a wall 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3816 WOW! That first one really packed a punch! 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3817 I knew building a wall was a bad idea... 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3818 Maker mine a Wallbanger. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3819 Make that Eggnog a double, please 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3820 And to top it all off, all the king's horses and all the king's men asked me what the hell I was doing on that wall in the first place! 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3821 What would have happened if I were a brown egg?" 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3822 I fell for the wrong girl. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3823 I’ll have the painkiller 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3824 Well- first I fall off this damn wall- then these idiots on horses tried to help but made things worse. 1.2018 0.04166 114 92 19 2
3825 And a round for the king's horses and men. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3826 After all the king's horses and all the king's men, I need a real pick-me-up. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3827 Just pour me a glass of wine... the last time I had the hard stuff I ended up on top of a damn wall 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3828 After those horrible men and horses, thank God the king's physician showed up. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3829 Can I poach a drink? My brains are scrambled and I'm half-cracked. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3830 ... and then after the great fall I was beaten by all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3831 What ever happened to punishing the bad performers with tomatoes? 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3832 Anything but eggnog, please. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3833 It was so weird, my guy. One second I'm smoking cigs whilst perched atop a wall. The next all the kings horses -- and all of his men too! -- are all up on me. I was like... woah there. Get off my shell dudes. And they kept calling me Humpty? WTF? 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3834 I'm a shell of my former self, barkeep. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3835 All the king's horses and all the king's men? Who do you think did this to me? 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3836 You never heard the term "Hit me?! 1.2018 0.03877 114 94 18 2
3837 No, the wagon first THEN the wall! 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3838 Sorry, you said you wanted a Boston Sour ... 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3839 I just fell off a chair. The other guy fell off a wall You should’ve seen him. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3840 That's not a wall-banger, is it?" 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3841 And then they said ALL fragility matters... 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3842 Turns out I'm not as hardboiled as I thought. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3843 Tell you the truth, I just got rattled and lost my balance. The helicopters and spotlights threw me off my zen thing. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3844 Maybe this will help put you back together. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3845 The president told me it was for my safety. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3846 Thanks, but that stuff is just gonna leak out all over the floor. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3847 Bad breakup, that one. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3848 Man, I thought this whole border wall thing would be over easy. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3849 ...and then there was just this endless line of horses and men and this overpowering feeling that I wouldn't get out of there in one piece! 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3850 then the King's horses and men showed up and I really got cracked... 1.2018 0.03976 114 97 13 4
3851 My wife’s going to fucking kill me. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3852 So then they said they were gonna make an eggsample out of me... 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3853 No, I didn't ask to be part of the protest. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3854 My head feels scrambled. 1.2018 0.03775 114 91 23 0
3855 Why do they call it ‘hair of the dog?’ That really cracks me up. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3856 This pain in my head is no yolk. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3857 The fall never hurts as much as the hooves. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3858 Build a Wall, Build A Wall," he said 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3859 Make it a double Joe. Those horses weren’t a bit gentle! 1.2018 0.03976 114 97 13 4
3860 Well at least they didn't call in the King's men. You know it's all over when that happens... 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3861 Yeah, I got hit by an egg-beater coming out of the subway, but then this hard-boiled New Yorker pushed me to safety. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3862 I'm just not feeling very together. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3863 I'll have the one you call the King's Horses, Joe. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3864 Trust me, It's not all what it's cracked up to be. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3865 So I told my wife, "Shut up about the horses and men, I need to see a specialist." 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3866 All in all, it hasn't been a bad year but I'm looking forward to 2020. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3867 Turns out building that wall was not such a great idea. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3868 Just before the quarantine, all the King's men put me together again 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3869 I wish he'd just shut up about that wall. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3870 You should rename that a Humpty Wallbanger. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3871 Pour me another drink. Mexico will pay for it. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3872 All I said to her was my mother’s egg salad is tastier 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3873 This is really going to hurt my health and wellness brand on insta. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3874 I can’t understand. You would’ve thought with all those horses and King’s Men.... 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3875 I would've ended up like Jack and Jill, except I was hard boiled. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3876 A single shot is best. Anything more and I might just spring a leak. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3877 It wasn't a great fall, but I think it may have scrambled my brain. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3878 Right ... all the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t save my ass , but you can . Sure Bob . 1.2018 0.05012 114 98 9 7
3879 I thought I was hard boiled. 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3880 Oh, it's a big, beautiful wall, but there's no place to sit. I was trampled by all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3881 You should see the other guy... serves him right for sitting on my wall. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3882 An “Egg Cream” please with xtra diet seltzer 1.2018 0.05313 114 100 5 9
3883 I was just walking in Lafayette Park and all of a sudden the king's men made a religious crack and the yolks was on me! 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3884 I’m telling you, Al, sometimes life’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2018 0.04072 114 94 16 3
3885 A Harvey Wallbanger??? Are you serious??? 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3886 Tough day, Mr. President? 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3887 You should probably cut me off after this. My balance isn't too good. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3888 Dad says I’m just not hard-boiled enough. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3889 It all started because of that damn wall! 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3890 He got really upset when I sat on his wall 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3891 Never go near an omelette station again. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3892 Put me back together again, Sam. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3893 I was fine until all the King's long-faced ungulates tried to help. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3894 When I voted to build a wall, this is not what I envisioned. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3895 Things are not what they are cracked up to be! 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3896 They told me they were going to ‘build a wall,’ but I guess it wasn’t strong enough. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3897 Maybe you should sit in a booth 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3898 I'm beaten! Have you ever had one of those days? 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3899 Remember when we didn't have a 24 hour news cycle? 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3900 There were no King’s horses nor any King’s men. They were keeping all the demonstrators away. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3901 Gin fizz. Hold the egg white. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3902 It was my usual, but I might never be in the mood for a wallbanger again. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3903 I need to call my Sponsor. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3904 Make it a large one, Cyril, things have been a bit tense. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3905 No, I'm just down at Jimmy's Bar trying to pull myself together. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3906 The worst part is that it's not even covered by my health insurance. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3907 I'm suing OSHA about their wall safety standards 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3908 Then they threatened to fry me on my car's hood! 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
3909 Yeah. We expected the Tulsa thing would draw 100,000 people. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3910 It’s also time to fall off the wagon. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3911 I just couldn’t keep it together 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3912 Do you have any idea what health insurance costs for a guy named Humpty Dumpty? 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3913 I had a great fall, but this spring has been a nightmare! 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3914 Everyone said it was a great fall, but I think I could have done better. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3915 And I only fell from Grace! Can you imagine... 1.2018 0.04855 114 96 11 6
3916 All I’ll say is this - fuck the King’s Horses and Men.” 1.2018 0.05165 114 99 7 8
3917 I had a contentious day on the Mexican Border. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3918 Let's try the King's bourbon. 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3919 You better make it a double. That was a rough one last night, last thing I remember is I was dancing on this big wall. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3920 Life as an egg is not all it’s cracked up to be. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3921 The King's men haven't been in, have they? 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
3922 Pour enough to make me feel 'put together' again. 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
3923 The usual, Mr. Dumpty, a Harvey Wallbanger? 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3924 It's wall to wall out there. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
3925 I'll have anything but eggnog. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
3926 I've come to realize that working on Wall Street is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3927 I just can't see the Sunny Side any more. 1.2018 0.03976 114 92 21 1
3928 I feel like I'm falling apart, man. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
3929 all the kings horses and men were taken off my healthcare plan 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3930 It’s not as bad as it looks, man, they put me back together this time. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3931 Think I'll leak? 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
3932 Not great. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3933 2020 hasn’t been my year 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3934 Would you mind putting your mask on before you pour that? 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
3935 And then I looked for my bootstraps 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3936 I really took a beating today. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3937 So anyways... I punch that punk in the chest and next thing I know, he tries to beat me up! 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
3938 You should take better care of yourshellf. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3939 So it seems society really is walking on eggshells these days 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3940 You would *not* believe the week I've had. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3941 The First Ameggment is served a punch 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3942 ‘OMG Steve ...that last joke cracked me up!’ 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3943 My brother Humpty broke my fall. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3944 If I fall off this stool, don't put me back together. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3945 Make that a double? My head is killing me. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3946 And they say alcohol breaks you out of your shell. 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
3947 You'd hurt too if you just fell off the wagon 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3948 I'm shell shocked after that beating. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 14 4
3949 This should put you together again. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3950 The last thing I heard was the word "omlette" Then everything went dark. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3951 I should have NEVER trusted all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3952 You should see the other ingredient. 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
3953 Sit on the wall “ they said. “It will be fun” they said. Damn the king’s men and the horses they rode in on 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3954 I'm sorry pal! I told you she was a tough nut to crack. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3955 Lemme tell ya, Ron. Being hard-boiled ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3956 One more Harvey Wallbanger, Mac. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3957 Ok, just so long as it's not -- whaddya call it -- eggnoggin 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3958 Dude, I'm telling ya, she pushed me. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3959 Well, I wasn't about to let some guy make an omelet out of me! 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3960 Not only didn't they pay for it, they pushed me off! 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3961 Free range just ain't what it's cracked up to be. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3962 First I fell off the wagon, and then the wall. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3963 My therapist warned me about mosh pits, but did I listen? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3964 Just one drop, please! I've a terrible headegg... 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3965 I’m back off the wall again. I thought this time would stick. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
3966 Today, no wallbangers. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3967 Go ahead, make it a double Frank. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3968 No more, Gus. Can’t you see I’m hammered? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3969 A trump rally is no place for a good egg 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3970 It wasn’t the fall. It was the King’s horses. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
3971 Summer sucked. Maybe it'll be a great fall. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3972 Give me one for my baby and one more for the road. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3973 Why did they have to name me Humpty Dumpty? 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3974 I just fell off my wall, but then all these horses ... 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3975 ... so that was my last Harvey Wallbanger. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3976 Wall? No, the wagon. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3977 I didn't have a great fall. I was pushed. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
3978 Fill ‘er up – may as well be pickled, too. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3979 So, after the horses and men, they brought in a doctor. Then, we started getting somewhere. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3980 I thought it was a wall, not a damn chain link fence. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3981 They couldn't put me together again! 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3982 Any King's men been in? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3983 I 'm feeling a little scrambled 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3984 That's the last time I'll take a nap in Trump's water glass. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3985 King's Horses, top shelf - make it a double. I'm starting to crack. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
3986 Forget the horses and men. Make it a double. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
3987 The new wall is very high in spots 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3988 Not so strong this time. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
3989 It was poachers I tell you or that snake Frittata. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
3990 Yes I know a pisco sour has egg in it. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
3991 you look a little down in the dumps, maybe this will help put you back together 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
3992 @matty_peggs "Wait - a whiskey sour has WHAT in it?!" 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
3993 I think I’ve had enough of walls and horses. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
3994 The King's men were nincompoops. I called 9-1-1. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
3995 All the kings men were actually quite helpful , but all the kings horses kick. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
3996 I didn't fall off a wall. I took this beating sitting on the fence. 1.1983 0.04280 116 95 17 3
3997 So if I had a flat butt, it would solve everything. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
3998 Oh, this is just rehearsal. Tomorrow is the great fall. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
3999 Being HardBoiled save my life. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
4000 My resemblance to General Lee is overstated. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
4001 Yes, I know what happened to Humpty when he sat on a wall. But I have legs, so I wasn't concerned. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
4002 I fell hard for Mother Goose. Better make it a double. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
4003 I did not sit on that wall! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
4004 Put it on the King's tab; he owes me that much. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
4005 This will help peel you off 1.1983 0.03290 116 95 19 1
4006 I was minding my own business when the mounted police knocked me off the wall! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
4007 This new job isn't what it was all cracked up to be! 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
4008 I asked them for help and they just attacked me chanting all eggs matter 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4009 Please tell me that’s not eggnog 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4010 You’re not egg-aggerating when you say 2020 has been a rough year so far. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4011 On the rocks? No, it was off a wall. 1.1982 0.04927 111 95 10 6
4012 Humpty Dumpty sat on THE wall. Now, he's at the bar drinking after his great big fall. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4013 Look Humpty, maybe you should try calling the king’s women this time? 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4014 No rocks, please. 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4015 It’s tough being one of the good eggs out there! 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4016 all the king's vodka, and all the king's gin... 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4017 Eggnog on the rocks? -Damn it how did you know 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4018 The way you pour drinks, the stools ought to come with seatbelts! 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4019 Anyway, this days falling of the wall isn’t considered that much of a stunt. 1.1982 0.03907 111 91 16 2
4020 I get it, but I just think there is some merit in not making omelettes. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4021 This is what happens when you let things slip through the cracks 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4022 The sunny side up is that they haven’t cracked you open. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4023 I’m broken but alive. Have you washed your hands? 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4024 The worlds full of some bad eggs!!! 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4025 Do you get the impression that the Supreme Court doesn’t like me? 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4026 All of Trump’s horses All of Trump’s men Had Huevos Rancheros For breakfast again 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4027 My therapist said I should come out of my shell a little more. Literally! 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4028 This can't get any worse. Right? 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4029 No fall has ever been or will ever be greater than Trump's. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4030 It took all the kings horses snd all the kings men to figure out I needed someone to call for an ambulance 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4031 ...and just when I think things can't get any worse, all these guys on horseback come galloping towards me... 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4032 Make Falls Great Again,” they said 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4033 ‘Yeah, I don’t think I can put myself back together this time. Just leave the bottle.’ 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4034 Sat on a wall. Had a great fall. All of Trump’s horses and all of Trump’s men said F him, he’s a brown egg. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4035 You should see the other guy. He is on toast. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4036 Apparently it's all this stress baking that's causing the egg shortages. I'm heading to one of those sanctuary cities like San Francisco- all vegans. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4037 I guess that if you "cry wall and fall" enough, your pieces get put together, after all... 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4038 i used to blame it on the fall, but then i got to thinking ... why am i even an egg in the first place 1.1982 0.05090 111 96 8 7
4039 My lawyer says the lawsuit going well, but the King’s men swear it was antifa.... 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4040 We were on a break - 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4041 I sat on Trump’s wall and then had a great fall. All his Press Secretaries’ horses and all his State Secretaries’ men just couldn’t put me together again. 1.1982 0.04927 111 95 10 6
4042 Look the television! is everybody exist right now? 1.1982 0.05403 111 98 4 9
4043 I’m thinking about changing my name, Steve...people keep mistaking me for that guy in the White House... 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4044 ...and luckily a border patrol agent broke my fall. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4045 Ive just been feeling really on edge lately 1.1982 0.05090 111 96 8 7
4046 Shaken not stirred. But enough about me. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4047 I was over easy. Should have been hard-boiled. 1.1982 0.03801 111 89 22 0
4048 My pace for the marathon was at a personal best but then I hit the wall. 1.1982 0.04927 111 95 10 6
4049 I don't know. I was just siting there. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4050 I’m ready for this year to be over, or easy. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4051 I had a DNR, but try telling that to all the king's men. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4052 A border wall? Haven’t we all learned that putting up walls is never the answer? 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4053 Luckily I got a second opinion and that doctor put me back together. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4054 Thank God I requested all the Queen's horses instead. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4055 Reports of my not being able to be put back together again are greatly exaggerated. 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4056 You wouldn’t believe all those king’s horses and all those king’s men...better make it a double. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4057 Make it strong, I'm feeling a bit scrambled today. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4058 I barely gat away from a carton of Egg Beaters. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4059 You know, I thought life for me would be sunny side up. But instead it's been all hard boiled. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4060 Can I crack you open a cold one? No, make it a stiff, lately my life’s been in scrambles. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4061 Barstools are too dangerous. I'll drink outside. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4062 Well, if no luck with the horses or the men, i'm afraid you're a goner. Here, have one on the house.... 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4063 All this and COVID too. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4064 Just ice, straight up 1.1982 0.04210 111 90 18 2
4065 Little Bo Peep? She left with Jack Sprat. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4066 No. Humpty Dumpty is my brother. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4067 I didn't fall! I was pushed, by a herd of left-wing extremists and a few good people. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4068 Good thing I'm Hard Boiled 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4069 No rocks. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4070 I know, I know, you warned me the hot tub would crack me up someday! 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4071 Bummer of a healthcare plan when horses are on the medical team. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4072 Is that stronger than all the king's horses and all the king's men? 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4073 Fell, my ass. The funding ran out and it collapsed. 1.1982 0.03801 111 89 22 0
4074 '"So yes, I ended up with egg on my face." 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4075 Oh...at the last Dump Trump rally. I kept trying to tell them ‘Dumpty’ was my last name, not ‘Trumpty’. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4076 Those vegans are hardcore. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4077 Unfortunately all the king’s horses and all the king’s men were the only option under my HMO. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4078 I shouldn't be sitting on this stool, man. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4079 Just can’t seem to catch a break, ya know? 1.1982 0.04210 111 90 18 2
4080 Just call me stupid: yes, I danced on the wall. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4081 Filler up with All the Kings Horses and top it off with a shot of All the Kings Men. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4082 If ACA is repealed, I'm fucked! 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4083 Well, I was at the Border and saw this wall.... 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4084 Poor Humpty Dumpty was pushed and then fell.Although peacefully protesting, he avoided a death knell. Relieved his shell is white, rather than brown, he soothed his guilt—with scotch—in his hometown. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4085 I began a very serious Oval Lives Matter group, but in the end it just cracked me up. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4086 Hey Bar Keeper you really crack me up, pour me another one but if I fall off the bar stool one more time the yolk is on you....... 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4087 Build a wall?! We need to take them all down, they're dangerous. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4088 I'll have a pick me up 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4089 Give me a double Jim. For the life of me I can’t keep My mask on and everybody is starting to get violent about it. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4090 You oughta see the other egg. 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4091 Sunny Side Up? 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4092 Yeah but kings horses and king's men can't fix my broken heart Mac. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4093 Looks like the Bourbon Flip got the best of me. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4094 I appreciate mixology but the "All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men" didn't work. Can I just get a Bloody Mary? 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4095 Nothing on the rocks man 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4096 Let me just say, in a crisis, don’t rely on all the King’s horses and all the King’s men. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4097 Seriously? A Harvey Wallbanger? 1.1982 0.04927 111 95 10 6
4098 No, thanks, I've got to get out of here. Your country's obsession with walls is hazardous to my health 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4099 Mother Goose told the one about the king and his horses, everyone cracked up including me, that’s the last thing I remember. 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4100 You're gonna have to put it on my tab, Floyd. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4101 Winter, spring and summer haven’t been so nice. I’m hoping for a great fall. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4102 So this guy orders a chicken and an egg from Amazon and I got there first 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4103 It all started when he called me an egg-head. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4104 Gimme another Great Fall, Darby. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4105 I knew I shoulda quit...but they just kept egging me on! 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4106 Once her shrink told her to stop walking on eggshells... she left me! 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4107 I think I'm still shell-shocked. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4108 Don’t be too hard on yourself - there are plenty of bad eggs on wall street 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4109 It was a really big wall. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4110 I never saw it coming, But it was a nasty breakup! 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4111 Make it a quadruple. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4112 All things considered, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men did a decent job. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4113 It’s tough being a good egg these days! 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4114 You're telling me it'll put me together again, but really, does vodka and super glue really sound good to you? 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4115 I would have been okay after the fall, but one of the king's horses stepped on me. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4116 So far it's been a lousy Summer, but I'm hoping for a great Fall. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4117 Humphrey dumped me! 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4118 No egg white in the whiskey sour. I'm no cannibal. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4119 I'm not sure how longer I can keep it all together. 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4120 I need to take charge of my life, you know? I can't keep relying on others to put me back together again. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4121 It’s wild out there, they threw me a at cop car 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4122 Make it a double yolk, neat. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4123 To be honest, nobody thought a horse could put an egg back together in the first place. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4124 The King’s Men were good for nothing! One of the horses took me to Mount Sinai. . 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4125 It was when all the King's horses looked worse than I did that I knew I was in trouble. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4126 So I says to Susan Collins, Suzy baby, on a fence, on a wall. What’s the difference? 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4127 And one for all the king's horses and all the king's men, while you're at it 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4128 If he thought I was a bar snack what will happen if Mr. Peanut comes in. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4129 Stan, I fell off the wagon this time. You better give me a cup of tea instead of the usual. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4130 So, then the guy says: ‘Hey, if you wanna make an omelette....’ 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4131 If all the king's horses and all the king's men each bought a round, it still wouldn't be enough. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4132 They were wrong. All the king's horses and all the king's men did put me together again. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4133 All the king's whiskey and all the king's gin, Maybe could put me together again. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4134 I tell you, the King's horses and men are not a good alternative to an HMO. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4135 Make it an Evian with a twist, Barney. The King says he won’t send all his men and all his horses next time. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4136 Seriously, Joe. Never let a team of horses try to patch you up. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4137 The cracks aren’t bad enough. I feel that my thoughts are totally scrambled! 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
4138 I egged someone on then I got battered. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4139 Yes, I did. Thanks for asking. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4140 Real life is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4141 I don't remember much. A bunch of soldiers on horses came by. I was put back together. Humpty didn't make it. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4142 I thought that sitting on the fence would keep me out of trouble. 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
4143 Make it a double, I had a great fall off the wagon. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4144 ``Stop saying, `The usual?' Does it look like the usual is a good idea?'' 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4145 Instead of the hospital, I'll try all the King's horses and all the King's men " 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
4146 What makes it worse is that my insurer says the king's horses and men are out-of-network. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
4147 I wish you had egg accessible bar stools. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4148 Horses are lousy egg reconstructors, in case you were wondering. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
4149 He’s quick with a yolk or he’ll light up your smoke but there’s someplace that he’d rather be 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
4150 Sorry I left my card behind, I got smashed last night. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4151 ‘That’s the last time I go to the Omelette Bar’ 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4152 ...And the name stuck. Even the king’s horses are calling me Dumb-pty to my face. 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
4153 I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. 1.1964 0.04886 112 96 10 6
4154 And the satellite dish guy wouldn't install it during confinement... 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4155 I dunno. The last time I got high…. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4156 They blamed me for their high cholestorol 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4157 Get on the wall, have a great fall. Get on the wall, have a great fall. Get on the wall, have a great fall. Three shows a day. I hate this theme park job. The thrill is gone. 1.1964 0.03771 112 90 22 0
4158 I'm going to need something stronger than an eggcream. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4159 I'm giving up the whole wall thing. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
4160 Make it a double. I just found out all the King’s horses and all the King’s men are not participating providers in my HMO 1.1964 0.04886 112 96 10 6
4161 Thankfully, Ovama Care covers pre-eggsisting conditions. 1.1964 0.04176 112 92 18 2
4162 The rhyme is Humpty Dumpty, but they began chanting Hump T Dump T and all hell broke loose. 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
4163 It was all fun and games until I go, 'Hold my beer, watch this!' 1.1964 0.04176 112 92 18 2
4164 Can I get a round of shots for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men? 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
4165 Tell me the real story and how is the other guy? 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
4166 And a chaser of iodine if you have it. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
4167 Yes, maybe I should take a booth. 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
4168 Those stupid horses were no help at all. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
4169 I’m getting too old for this wall gig, Hal 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
4170 You know Charlie, you really crack me up. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
4171 You just can’t catch a break this week can you? 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
4172 Don’t you dare bring up the dammed wall. 1.1927 0.04785 109 93 11 5
4173 Humpty Trumpty couldn’t build the wall. In twenty-twenty, Trumpty had a great fall. All the Republican asses and all craven men, couldn’t put Trumpty together again. 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
4174 I’m suing the King’s Horses for malpractice, 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
4175 Fall came a little early. 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
4176 Frankly, all the king's horses and all the king's men just made things worse. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
4177 The King's men were fine, but those horses... 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
4178 Let's see if a double can do what all the king's horses and men couldn't. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
4179 And it’s not even flu season 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
4180 ..."and the horses just made it worse." 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
4181 Why they sent horses I still don't understand. 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
4182 All the King's horses just made things worse. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
4183 Make sure it's glass-half-empty. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
4184 ' I'm just happy its Friday, you know..' 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
4185 They wanted me on that wall . . . . They NEEDED me on that wall . . . ." 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
4186 Let's just say all the King's horses and all the King's men were in Lafayette Square. 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
4187 Think I'll skip the booze. That's what caused me to fall off the wall in the first place 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
4188 Yeah yeah, I had a great fall. 1.1887 0.04047 106 87 18 1
4189 I was seated on the wrong wall when the riot started. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
4190 Then he says, let sit here on this wall 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
4191 Time was, the King's men used to try to put me together. Now it's handcuffs, teargas and beatings for literally falling off of a wall. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4192 I guess you could say that this year has left the a little fragile. 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
4193 It all started with a dame... 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
4194 Have the knuckle sandwich they said... 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4195 Turns out they just didn’t take my insurance. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4196 I swear. I was just sitting there minding my own business! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4197 . "I still haven't met my deductible" 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4198 An egghead walked into a bar. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4199 No more for me. I got pretty pickled last night . 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
4200 No matter what they say, I was pushed. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4201 It’s a vicious cycle. 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
4202 Get ready for a rush, the entire British army isn't far behind me and those boys can drink. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4203 Bad break-up? 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4204 Yeah? Well, even anthropomorphic eggs feel pain. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4205 And those kids at the White House treat you like a bowling ball. 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
4206 They said I was a chicken. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4207 Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
4208 OK, so they were able to 'put me back together again'--but I was pushed! Who's going to treat my post traumatic syndrome? 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
4209 There was nothing great about it 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
4210 You should see the brown egg. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4211 The bar stool is high and wobbly...that’s why! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4212 Luckily, it was just a mediocre fall. 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
4213 There was this wall, you see, being built between the U.S. and Mexico.... 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
4214 Pfew! I guess it was just a matter of time until they politicized the White House Easter egg rolling contest. Some of those brown eggs got it worse than me. 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
4215 Egg Whites Matter Too. 1.1869 0.04992 107 93 8 6
4216 Yo, Steve, I'm really happy your bar is open again, and omelette you finish, but I just want to say that 2020 has been one of the worst years of all time. Of all time! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4217 So then he says, ‘The real question is which can cross the road first, the chicken or the egg?’ 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4218 Thanks, but one wallbanger is enough. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4219 Wow! That really packs a wallop! 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
4220 Then he shoved me and said,"I built it, Mexico paid for it, and you had nothing to do with it." 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4221 Let's just say that I yolked up on the wrong side of the bed. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4222 Things just... fell apart today. 1.1869 0.03786 107 87 20 0
4223 You sure that's going to help? 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
4224 People these days, they just can't take a yolk. 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
4225 The EMTs suggested this brand . . . 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
4226 It was half of the King's men - at most. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4227 '"That's the last time I'm going to sit on a damn wall." 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4228 Make it a Wallbanger! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
4229 Mind calling me a rideshare to The Wall? 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
4230 You should seen my brother Humpty.... 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
4231 They tried to crack me down,but I'm hard as a rock. Make it a double 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
4232 Apparently I’m not allowed to complain, something about my “egg-white privilege” 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
4233 Have you thought about making a career change? 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
4234 Why can’t we just be done with walls? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4235 Falling off the wagon again, huh? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4236 Social distancing just cracks me up 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4237 Wear a mask, buddy. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4238 Yeah, it's been bad. But the fall is going to be worse I hear. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4239 Feeling both shaken and stirred. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4240 ...And you’re not gonna believe this. That was BEFORE they called in all the horses. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4241 My mother was a hen from the south 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4242 You need to come out 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4243 I remember back in the day when all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, knew what they were doing 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4244 I hate working at the omelette factory! 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4245 My insurance doesn’t cover all the King’s horses and all the king’s men. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4246 Pre-existing”....since when 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4247 Hospitals are full. 1.1827 0.04045 104 85 17 1
4248 I’m not sure how this year could get any worse, but then again I’ve never been crazy about the fall. 1.1827 0.04483 104 87 13 3
4249 I’d like my next hangover-easy. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4250 The President keeps getting me on his face and then I have to be put back together 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4251 And I thought salmonella was bad. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4252 Yeah, sounds like a tough break kid. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4253 It really wants to come first 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4254 Turns out they never finished building the wall. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4255 Sure, I’ve been beat, but they haven’t touched my yolk 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4256 What do you think next year will be like? 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4257 It was then I decided I'm too old for professional egg tapping and applied to that office job 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4258 « It wasn’t so much A great fall but THE great fall » 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4259 Off the wall again, eh? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4260 Agreeing to be 2020’s mascot did not turn out how I thought it would. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4261 Pisco Sours do the same thing to me, man 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4262 But all I did was say Blue Lives Matter 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4263 I hope all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are in network. 1.1827 0.05250 104 92 5 7
4264 Not really. I'm hoping winter goes better. 1.1827 0.03807 104 85 19 0
4265 Just one. I can't afford any more great falls. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4266 Talk about shell shock! 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4267 If I fall off this stool, do me a favor: tell all the king's men to bug off, and their horses, too. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4268 Well at least I didn’t fall as hard as Trump’s approval rating. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4269 I’ve got one for you, an egg walks into a bar... 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4270 You gotta slow down on the Wallbangers, Humpty. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4271 I'm past my expiration date. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4272 Egalitarianism isn't a thing in toilet paper aisle 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4273 Accident or hatching? 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4274 Make it a double to take the edge off 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4275 If I crack up once more, it's over easy; I'm fried. If only I were hard boiled with a tougher shell. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4276 Then he said, "Mr. Gorhachev, tear down this wall!" 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4277 I feel like the king's horses did more harm than good. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4278 The guy couldn’t take a yoke. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4279 I appreciated the king’s men, but the horses just made things worse. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4280 But I’m white! 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4281 Give me the good stuff... that rot gut I've been drinking is killing me. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4282 Turns out rolling with the punches didn't help any. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4283 Once they called off the horses, it turned out not to be such a big deal. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4284 I do need that drink. Summer's been awful. Looking forward to the fall. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4285 And then some horses came over to try to put me together. Can you believe that? Horses! 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4286 You are cracking me up! 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4287 They call it a 'trust fall.' 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4288 I was lucky --- I landed on one of the king's horses. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4289 I had a great fall, and then this happened. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4290 Crack an egg in that beer, please. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4291 And I can’t even tell you what all the King’s men tried to do. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4292 Do you have "All the King's horses" and and a chaser of "All the King's men"? 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4293 It wasn’t that great 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4294 I knew she was trouble as soon as I heard the word 'chef'. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4295 I hope that drink cures shell shock. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4296 I got a bit too tipsy earlier on, but now I want to get plastered. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4297 That Harvey Wallbanger was more than I bargained for. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4298 The King sent his horses and men to clear protesters for a photo-op; the healthcare workers were there for me, though! 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4299 I fell over hard, then scrambled away. Gimme a drink, I feel fried. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4300 So, THEN I decided to sit on the wall. Bad idea. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4301 I hope I do better with this stool than I did on the wall. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4302 So far the year had kind of sucked. But I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4303 So the HMO suggested equestrians, who came out quickly enough, but you had to be a royal to afford it 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4304 So your a kings man? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4305 "I'll have another pick-me-up. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4306 Apparently all the King’s horses and all the King’s men were afraid of being attacked on twitter. 1.1827 0.05069 104 91 7 6
4307 Luckily, one of the King’s men was a First Responder. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4308 Sure, they're nice to look at, but those horses are so dumb they're a threat to civilization. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4309 Turns out the king has some talented horses. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4310 And a round for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men! 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4311 ...and one more for the wall. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4312 Let's just say my "I like big yolks" ringtone went off at the wrong time. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4313 Things are fine at home. I just walked into a wall. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4314 Make it a double--I really need to put myself together again. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4315 Better just leave the whole bottle of King's Horses. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4316 Fill me up, I’m feeling fragile right now. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4317 Put an egg in there, will ya? Don’t ask, it’s been a long day.” 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4318 All the king's horses and all the king's men had no idea what they were doing." 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4319 Sure, I had a great fall. But winter, spring, and summer have been horrible. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4320 So then the horses have a go. Can you believe it? Their hooves did more harm than good if I'm being honest. 1.1827 0.05069 104 91 7 6
4321 My great fall was not so great. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4322 "Remember my great Fall last year? Well, 2020's Winter, Spring and Summer have been even worse!" 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4323 Never mind all the kings horses. I’ll have a double. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4324 I try to keep up with my old routines. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4325 They beat me, and this time it wasn't a yolk. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4326 I should have run, but I misunderstood when the chef said that he needed a beaten egg. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4327 i/m a egg 1.1827 0.05425 104 93 3 8
4328 Rough day? You look scrambled. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4329 She even took the wall, Pat. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4330 This won't put you back together again, buddy. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4331 Why do I always end up the egghead. 1.1827 0.03807 104 85 19 0
4332 I better not. I'm due back on the wall in ten. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4333 I was walking next to President Trump on that slippery ramp. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4334 My wife tried to break up with me. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4335 Is 2020 over yet? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4336 I tell ya, I don't get no respect! 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4337 Make it a double, I feel a little scrambled 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4338 No, I don’t want an egg yoke in it! 1.1827 0.04882 104 89 9 5
4339 This’ll help put yourself together again. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4340 That's right. Pour me another. What have I got to lose? 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
4341 Mmmm, I feel like eggnog. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4342 No. 2020. 1.1827 0.03554 104 88 13 2
4343 Will one drink be enough for all of you? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4344 Make it a double. My brain is scrambled. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4345 They wouldn't let me out of my apartment for THREE MONTHS! And then this happens. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4346 ‘“And I told her, ‘ Just because you’ve cracked one egg doesn’t make you a great egg-cracker.’ That’s when she it.” 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4347 Then he told me my next one was on the house ... which it wasn’t. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4348 Make it a double. I’m having a hard time keeping it together 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4349 Stupid King’s horses stepped on me. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4350 More eggnog? 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4351 Horses and men failed so let’s try a bottle of the King’s cab. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4352 I’m starting to think getting pickled isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
4353 OK but just one. Last time I fell off a wall and had a great fall. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4354 I didn't expect my joke to crack you up that hard... 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4355 I’ll take something with a nice balance. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4356 You need a brass rail. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
4357 Pickle me. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4358 Shell I pour it for you? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
4359 I left my mask at the wall. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
4360 Then he said “Let’s make an omelette!” 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
4361 Enough! You're Cracking me up. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
4362 No more jokes! You're cracking me up 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
4363 But the king’s horses and king’s men didn’t have whiskey. 1.1810 0.04838 105 91 9 5
4364 I was lucky I was hard-boiled. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
4365 Not a great fall huh? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4366 Is this meta? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4367 Well the protest was peaceful, then all the king's men showed up... 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4368 Today’s been no yoke I tell ya... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4369 So... how’s your hump day? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4370 Sir I can't serve you anymore, you're smashed 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4371 When I said hit me again I didn’t mean HIT ME AGAIN 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4372 I asked for their help but they wouldn't get off their high horses 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4373 Luckily, the kings puzzle consultants showed up 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4374 And then only 6,500 people showed up... 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4375 All the king's horses and all the king's men fired rubber bullets into the crowd again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4376 I almost cracked. But I held it together. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4377 Throw a raw egg in it. I need a little hair of the dog 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4378 I had to go out of network 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4379 It looks like this is what it’s boiled down to 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4380 Stirred, not shaken 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4381 Not a great fall this time, huh? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4382 Guess I shouldn’t sit on statues either... 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4383 Still feelin’ a lil scrambled Bob, but eggcited for Phase 3 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4384 It was peaceful 'til all the king's horses and all the king's men showed up. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4385 I’ll have a quarantini, dry 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4386 It all started when my father left when I was twelve... 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4387 I'm feeling a bit scrambled lately myself, too, Jim. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4388 ‘I think it might be Covid after all” 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4389 And then, the guys on the horses said: “do you have health insurance?” ... so here I am! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4390 I thought the fall was supposed to be better than summer? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4391 I told myself I wouldn't do this again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4392 They don't call me crackhead for no reason 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4393 Well, on the bright side at least I can have a drink at the bar again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4394 Humpt day 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4395 'Drink mate?'...'Nah I'm broke'. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4396 When Humpty got dumped 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4397 Pour me another round of police brutality 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4398 One straight advocaat 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4399 I’ve reached my breaking point. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4400 What could I do? He called me an egghead. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4401 All I said was 'Black Lives Matter' and they pushed me down. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4402 Humpty dumpty had a street brawl 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4403 when it hasn't been your day, your month or even your year... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4404 I don't know... guess they wrote all that about me for a reason. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4405 Make it neat. My last one 'on the rocks' got me here. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4406 An egg walks into a bar & bartender says: ‘why the scrambled face?’ 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4407 ...next thing I remember there are all these horses and all these men... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4408 No, it was not _that_ wall. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4409 It’s not the worst breakup story I’ve heard so far... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4410 The usual, but with an egg-tra shot of humanity this time. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4411 But have you tried meditation? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4412 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put humpty dumpty together again, but a few drinks would at least numb the pain. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4413 Where everyone goes after a great fall. 1.1782 0.04537 101 84 12 3
4414 Maybe the wall wasn’t a great idea 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4415 You got a little egg on your face 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4416 I’d need you to fix more than a drink. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4417 Oh No, Not that Eggnog again! It really crushed me last time! 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4418 Turns out the wall was just a wire fence around the White House. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4419 Please don't shake or stir it. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4420 First the wall, now the wagon. Give me a drink 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4421 The hoves the hoves so many hoves. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4422 This next drink is to the surgeon who patched me up .. best horse in the city 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4423 Ya, but you should see the chicken. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4424 This quarantine baking trend is really taking a lot out of me 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4425 Cracked Lives Matter 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4426 I wish I could pass over this holiday 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4427 I fell off the wall and the wagon in the same day. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4428 I think I've had enough glue for one day. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4429 I don’t know Joe, I’m beginning to wonder if this politics thing is for me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4430 Hey was there a chicken here before me?? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4431 And then the guy says to me, ‘Over easy,’ and I couldn’t take it anymore. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4432 I expected the first fall, but I didn't anticipated the police brutality. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4433 You feel cooked too? 1.1782 0.03827 101 83 18 0
4434 Turns out sitting on an electric fence is just as dangerous 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4435 Do you have a wall I could sit on? This stool is killing me. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4436 I’m hoping for a better Spring 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4437 Wall Street was not the type of wall I’m used to. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4438 I need a break 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4439 Because I’m full of albumen doesn’t make me a white supremacist. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4440 She tried making a parachute out of a plastic bag. I'm lucky though, Timmy just wrapped his in duct tape. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4441 Shaken? Stirred? Really? Just call my wife and tell her to come get me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4442 I’m still in the recovery room 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4443 Sometimes I wonder if there's more to life than just that wall. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4444 Sure that will fix me? 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4445 Bartender, I'm smashed. Make it a seltzer. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4446 Well, at least I can say I had a great fall 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4447 I should have quit the Trump Administration months ago 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4448 Contributory negligence,” they’re saying 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4449 Bartender: Sir, your cracks are showing... Humpty Dumpty: Make it a double. I have had a great fall. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4450 That’s what you get, for being free range. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4451 The World economy taking a break during Corona lockdown be like this 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4452 Happy Hump-day 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4453 She just keeps making one nasty crack after another . . . 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4454 White supremacy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4455 I'm having to fall further just to be noticed these days. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4456 So...Lumpy Dumpty, rough week?" "Company competitor tried to poach me 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4457 You should hear what they are saying about me down at the nursery. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4458 Cheer up bud. All the King’s horses and men got nothin’ on a stiff drink. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4459 You’re done for the night. We cut people off when they fall off the stool 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4460 2020 has really done a number on me. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4461 hit me with something strong enough to make me feel poached. 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4462 Maybe this last drink’ll help me open up. Hit it 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4463 I had a great fall, but winter has been rough 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4464 So, tell me about your shell-ache! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4465 What kind of diagnosis is ‘had a great fall’ ? 1.1782 0.04077 101 83 15 1
4466 I fell hard for his shell game. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4467 Oh,and could ya buy one for all the kings horses and all the kings men for trying?... 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4468 So, I was just sitting on a wall. I didn't know it was THE wall. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4469 The last thing I remember is someone saying, "You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette." 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4470 How dare you crack another bad egg yoke! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4471 Only the King's bourbon puts me together again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4472 Make it a stiff one Sam, I feel a little scrambled... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4473 All the King's horses and men were slipshod again. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4474 I hope this cocktail doesn't need egg white. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4475 All anyone cares about is Humpty... no one even tried to put me together again. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4476 Just nothing with egg white in it, please. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4477 That was a Harvey Wallbanger sir, wasn’t it? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4478 That last comedian really made me laugh. Sorry, I hate cliches. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4479 I said YOU are paying for it and he said I was paying for it and that’s the last thing I remember. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4480 If life begins at conception, what am I? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4481 They call me crackhead, but I'm just fragile. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4482 This was the best the king's horses and men could do. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4483 And then, adding insult to injury, all the King's Men proceeded to beat the crap out of me! 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4484 Thank God for queen’s ladies! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4485 True. I fell off the wagon. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4486 What wall? After 3 months of 'sheltering', I just jumped out the window. M.C. Pereira New Bedford, MA 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4487 Hello? May I have some beer, please? It'll help my cracks. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4488 Are you sure you don’t have a booth available? 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4489 This egghead's looking in bad shape...better mix him a double. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4490 So, the king, he tells me, 'Because it's 2020,'--like that explains anything. 1.1782 0.04537 101 85 12 3
4491 I keep falling off the wagon. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4492 He called me an egghead, something I don't get over easy. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4493 You need some eggcup bar-stools. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4494 I'm just going to get me a La-Z-Boy 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4495 Steady, I don't think I can handle another spill! 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4496 It was a moderate fall 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4497 I was doing fine until they sent in the horses. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4498 I know it defies logic but in today's world the chicken comes before the egg. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4499 You're sure that's the king's whiskey, right? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4500 Make it a double - I'm as hard-boiled as they come. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4501 The King’s horses and the King’s men couldn’t do much, but thanks to the STEM curriculum, the King’s nine-year-old did a pretty good job.” 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4502 I’m lucky my parents had me hard-boiled. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4503 Thankfully I had the wherewithal to play dead until all the horses and all the men left. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4504 Keep pouring. Tomorrow morning is going to be rough regardless. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4505 Sure, I was being dumb. Sure, I can only blame myself. But did they have to make up that stupid song about me? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4506 Turns out being a comedian ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4507 My mask kept slipping off. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4508 I could have done without any help from the king's horses 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4509 Let me tell you about the other egg and I. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4510 You think I'm in bad shape, you should see my cousin, he's a globe. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4511 They call that a great fall? What was so great about it? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4512 I took a fall from a wall, but it was still a draw with the chicken to see which came first. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4513 If I had been pickled, I would be cured by now. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4514 Time to crack open a cold one! 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4515 Border Patrol really doesn't like people sitting up there. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4516 Scotch tape neat, please. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4517 TGIF. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4518 Neat! I'm just off the rocks. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4519 I've had it with your wisecracking. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4520 Some people were stirred but I was really shaken. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4521 ...how 'bout a glue chaser? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4522 Bartender, make it a double. I got rolled in the alley. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4523 Why do you think I should STAND at the bar? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4524 At least they did not beat you 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4525 She told me, " there's a fine line, between pleasure and pain" 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4526 #DefundAllTheKingsMen 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4527 It was not a “great” fall. No, not at all. 1.1782 0.03827 101 83 18 0
4528 Even there President said it was a great wall, so I figured...... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4529 I think I went a little stir-crazy sir. Honest with all that’s going on who could blame me? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4530 All I said was, ‘Let’s rebuild the wall.’ 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4531 I've got to get a stunt double. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4532 Give me another. I fell of the wagon. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4533 Keep em comin, its like walking on eggshells at home 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4534 So they put me back together again but can I pay back the insurance company? Bernie was right, he was right. 1.1782 0.04750 101 86 10 4
4535 Police brutality? What about all the king’s men brutality? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4536 Obviously, being a ‘shell case’ is not working for you. Have you thought about ‘coming out’ gradually with poaching? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4537 ...and goodness I had already paid my deductible. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4538 No more whiskey. Last time you got me drunk and I fell off a wall. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4539 Less tequila this time. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4540 Well, they defunded all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, and here I am. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 9 4
4541 Are you kidding? I’m lucky I made It through breakfast. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4542 No, I literally fell off of a wagon. I'll have a club soda. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4543 All the kings horsemen and all the kings men aren't all they're cracked up to be. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4544 I didn't have any choice - he called me a chicken. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4545 ...it was bad enough, but then they let the horses try to patch me up. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4546 Eggnog with something that has a kick to it. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4547 I told the President his wall wouldn't work, but would he listen? 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4548 No, I did not fall off the wagon again! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4549 This day just beat the hell out of me... 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4550 Give me a Democrat. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4551 Long day at work? You look EGGshausted. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4552 They may be the King’s horses but lemme tell’ya, they’re not qualified to be first responders! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4553 I need a quarantini, please. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4554 There's no way I'm going back up there again. Make it a double." 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4555 I used to be a “good egg”. Now I’m pretty much hard boiled! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4556 Sorry to hear about your break up. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4557 No joke! I need a Harvey Wallbanger! 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4558 I don't care what you give me just please not on the rocks. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4559 I'll have a 2020, please. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4560 It’s a good thing I’m hard boiled. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4561 Are you sure it is not going to make you leak.? 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4562 bartender my head is swollen and i cant 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4563 Go.. Do something special.. Help build Trumps wall they said. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4564 I’ve got one that’ll really crack you up. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4565 Trump's wall is a killer - 'specially for us brown eggs. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4566 Better make it a dozen, Joe. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4567 Make it a double. I fell off Trump’s stupid wall. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4568 Who’s this King Trump & his men you speak of? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4569 The wall? No. Just the wagon. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4570 The worst part of my fall is this constant headache. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4571 On second thought, make that a double egg noggin 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4572 Actually, the dude tried to scramble me... Better make it a double. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4573 Give me a double. I’m not yolking. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4574 Please, anything but a Wallbanger. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4575 It’s not from the fall. It’s from interpreting the EOB. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4576 Turns out that new wall was built on a shaky foundation. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4577 Straight up or on the rocks...? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4578 Then it turned into a demo for a soufflé, I barely escaped with my life! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4579 Thank God the King's Horses got their EMT certifications! 1.1782 0.04313 101 84 14 2
4580 I can't remember if I fell off the wagon or the wall... 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4581 It started with a broken heart and then I just totally cracked up. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4582 This'll help you get your shit together again. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4583 Make it an egg nog with a side of Elmer’s... 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4584 Make it a double. All the king's horses kept stepping on me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4585 I took a fall off The Trump Wall. 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4586 Well, when Trump started repairing the wall, I couldn’t keep my balance. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4587 I'm not saying I wasn't acutely aware of the many inherent risks of the job. I guess I was just fooling myself. I somehow thought I'd hit a stride, and weather them a bit better than I am. Make that a double, please... 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4588 It's NOT what you think. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4589 Shaken ? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4590 Yeah, it ain't easy getting it back together again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4591 Yes, I had a great fall but I had an even better summer" 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4592 Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she clucks into mine. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4593 Someone did a lousy job teaching the king's horses CPR. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4594 I'll take it stirred not shaken this time. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4595 I just haven't had a great fall. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4596 On second thought, you'd better make that a straight eggnog instead. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4597 Me alegro de haber caído en el lado mexicano de ESE muro. (I'm glad I fell on the Mexican side of THAT wall) 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4598 On second thought, one Harvey Wallbanger is enough. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4599 I just remember getting yolked-up and smashed. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4600 Making America Drink, Again!(MAD, A!) 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4601 Just the branch water today pally. I’m fried. 1.1782 0.04197 101 87 11 3
4602 ...and an aspirin. I have a splitting egg ache. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4603 I practically fell over when I saw my taxi fare. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4604 Have you heard any fractured fairy tales lately? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4605 I tell ya, I just can't seem to keep it all together 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4606 Whatever happened to soft-boiled, Al? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4607 That stuff just cracks me up! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4608 Who started it first: you or the Chicken ? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4609 All the king's horses and men did the best they could, but---make that a double 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4610 It feels so good to be together again!" 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4611 I'm a good egg, but it's breaking me how much people want me to become an omelette. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4612 No thanks, I’ve already had an eggnog on the rocks today. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4613 It’s true what they say: It’s not the fall that hurts It’s the landing 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4614 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men...how about a doctor to put me back together again? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4615 It seems like I can never get a break. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4616 All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't do it. Maybe this will. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4617 I was fine after the fall it was the king's horses in the king's men that did this 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4618 What's this cra$%^&^** about how to make an omelette? I can't even walk down the street anymore. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4619 I told the kings men they had to wear masks. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4620 My friend had a “Defund the Chefs” sign, but he got fried. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4621 I thought he wanted to hash it out. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4622 Contrary to what you heard, they put me back together again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4623 I was actually doing fine until all the horses and men showed up. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4624 All I remember is the chicken crossing the road. Then I tried to beat him. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4625 I should have known better after 3 ½ years, but I believed him when he said it was perfectly safe to sit on that wall. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4626 They had to shave off my huuge blond hairdo! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4627 Does alcohol repair cracks? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4628 Yeah, it wasn’t over easy. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4629 How did I know the wall was in East Berlin?! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4630 and then somebody decided to give the horses a turn... 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4631 Hit me, Jim. NO! with a drink. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4632 The castle doesn’t provide health insurance. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4633 To be fair, I'm not sure what I was expecting all the king's horses to do. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4634 All I know is that you can't rely on the government to pick up the pieces. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4635 The King's men turned on me. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4636 All I said was, "How's tricks, Mr. President?" 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4637 My insurance won't cover it because technically I fell onto the Mexican side. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4638 A tumbler? This joint ain’t what it was cracked up to be!! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4639 Don't worry, I won't climb any more walls. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4640 The wall was steep, and slippery. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4641 Actually, Fall was GREAT. It's this Spring that messed me up. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4642 It’s quarter to three. There’s no one in the place except that guy, you and me. So set ‘em up Joe, I’ve got a little story...... 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4643 Seriously though, would you want medical attention from all the King's horses? 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4644 I think I'm having an eggistential crisis Joe. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4645 I'll tell you Bill, she always has me walking on eggshells... 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4646 Well... I’d love to tell you where I’ve been, but the first rule about where I’ve been is that I can’t tell you where I’ve been... the first rule is also the second rule. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4647 I'll take that stirred, not shaken, please. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4648 So much for my depth perception 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4649 Chanting "Build That Wall" seemed like a good idea at the time. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4650 Let me tell you, sitting on a wall is not all it is cracked up to be. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4651 Last thing I remember was ordering a Wallbanger. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4652 With the world so polarized now, times are tough for us guys who insist on an intellectually measured approach to issues. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4653 . . then an Orange guy hired me to sit on his wall , 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4654 Make it a double, I fell off the wagon again! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4655 My lawyer says if I play my cards right, we can get $2 million from the wall builder 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4656 I don't do children's books since the crackup. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4657 Yeah, I had a great Fall, but this Spring has been brutal! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4658 Make it a double. I'm a free-range. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4659 My name is Humpty, what's yours? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4660 I can tell you one thing, the king's cavalry ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4661 The worst of it is that the only ones in network are all of the king's horses. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4662 Every nursery rhymes a metaphor for something... 1.1782 0.03827 101 83 18 0
4663 King's Horses Scotch? Maybe that'll fix me up. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4664 Remember, shaken, no stirred 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4665 When your reputation precedes you, it's hard to find a job that doesn't involve falling off walls. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4666 Gotta give you and IOU, I'm broke. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4667 I'm learning about my own fragility 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4668 Instead of the usual, I’ll have a Humpty Dumpty tonight. 1.1782 0.04313 101 84 14 2
4669 Chip of the wall that bit me. Thanks. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4670 They got to bacon years ago and it's really only a matter of time... 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4671 So far,it just hasn't been a great fall. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4672 I feel all broken up. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4673 The border wall fell over. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4674 ... and I said: “But Officer, I’m allowed to protest the wall.” 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4675 I was fine until all the king's horses and all the king's men trampled all over me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4676 That’s what I get for relying on American construction. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4677 All I yelled was “I thought he said Mexico was going to pay for this wall.” 1.1782 0.05150 101 89 6 6
4678 I wouldn’t call it great 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4679 I really am all I'm cracked up to be. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4680 So I sez to the MAGA-hat guy, 'Before I built a wall, I'd ask to know what I was walling in and walling out." And that's the last I remember 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4681 Sure, I guess smashed eggs go well with a Bloody mary 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4682 The chicken insisted he was First. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4683 All the king's horses and all the king's men recommended I come here. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4684 Keep 'em coming, Joe. I'm gonna need a dozen. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4685 My Horses and Men Health Insurance is just not working for me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4686 Who built that new wall? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4687 I wasn’t tipsy, somebody pushed me! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4688 Turns out eggheads can't jump... 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4689 Duh! All I was trying to do is get to the highest seat in the Tulsa stadium to avoid the virus but Trumps rhetoric got me too excited. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4690 Sure, I'll have another. What's the worst that can happen after last night. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4691 Actually the chicken was here first. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4692 I'm pretty sure I was pushed. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4693 So Humpty had another bad day? 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4694 I hear ya. Bar tending ain’t all it’s cracked up to be either. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4695 Well maybe just a small one - I keep waking up and seeing the king’s horses coming for me 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4696 ‘Hair of the dog that bit you‘, as they say. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4697 They tried, but this was the best they could do. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4698 I had a great fall, but what a lousy spring. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4699 Wagon?! I fell off a wall. Haven’t you heard? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4700 Whiskey sour, please. I’ll drink myself to sleep. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4701 First I got cracked then nearly beaten. I'm egg-hausted. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4702 Your last joke just cracked me up 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4703 No, not on the rocks, off the wall. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4704 Should have never built that wall. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4705 You wouldn't happen to know a crack dealer, would you? 2020's had me on the edge. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4706 My summer wasn't so hot, but a had a great fall. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4707 Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall, Trumpty Dumpty does not like 'The Wall!' 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4708 When I sat on a wall, I didn't realize it was THAT wall. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4709 Perhaps sitting on a wall while shaped like this is a bad idea. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4710 One more fall off a barstool and I'll be scrambled. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4711 I thought I'd be in that ER all night until I told them nothing smelled rotten to me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4712 Lucky for me the King is invoicing my expenses to Mexico along with the wall cost 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4713 I didn’t pick this fight! I was egged on! 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4714 A Wall Street pub circa Jun-2008 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4715 The horses were overrated. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4716 Give me a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4717 I'm telling you it wasn't a wall. Much more like a fence. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4718 Trump said this will put me together again! 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4719 No shaking, stirring, or scrambling please. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4720 It would have been even worse if I hadn't already been hard-boiled. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4721 You know... on second thought better make it a single. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4722 LIFE ISN"T ALL IT'S CRACKED TO BE. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4723 Ya shoulda seen the wall! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4724 I think I better take a booth seat instead. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4725 Already shaping up to be a lousy Summer, but I'm counting on a great Fall. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4726 I really need a pick-me-up 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4727 Last I remember is this dude telling me how to make an omelet... 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4728 'Gimme a whiskey. I fell off the wagon!" 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4729 I'm pretty sure that's how this all started. 1.1782 0.04313 101 83 14 2
4730 It was the damned horses! 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4731 So, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4732 Do you have any barstools lower than this one? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4733 Among all the King's horses and men not even one plastic surgeon. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4734 The King's horses are, in a word, clumsy. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4735 I've had a tough knight. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4736 Man It's Been Rough !!!!!!!! If It Wasn't For Super Glue ... I'd Be In Pieces !!!!!!! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4737 He humped me and then he dumped me. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4738 Fortunately, some women came along. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4739 Unfortunately, being the official egg of 2020 is all it's cracked up to be. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4740 I'll be suing the king's horses for malpractice. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4741 That chicken came first...and I'm a turtle egg, anyway 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4742 Gee, I only asked the salesman if he had any egg beaters 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4743 Rounding a corner, I ran smack dab into a highly motivated group of Build a Wall demonstrators. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4744 Nog me straight up!! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4745 'Well, I've already fallen off a wall today, so what's a wagon?' 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4746 You better be prepared to empty out the cellar with the day I've had. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4747 A Crown Royal should put me together better than All the King's Horses and All the King's Men could. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4748 This time I called the EMTs. Don’t know what I was thinking the first time. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
4749 Seriously? You couldn't get me a booth?" 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4750 Okay, so NOW I know why they tell kids not to run into walls 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
4751 This should put you back together again. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4752 And for their effort, a round for the king's horses and men. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4753 Mexico is gonna pay for this. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4754 One whiskey. Not on the rocks. 1.1782 0.03827 101 83 18 0
4755 I'm giving up Harvey Wallbangers, thanks. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
4756 Yeh, and it wasn't such a great winter either 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
4757 The pressure of the job got to me. This is what it looks like when a ‘ smart egg’ cracks up. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4758 Last thing I heard, someone said "Just crack an Egg!" 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
4759 I kept saying most of his policies were so ridiculous, they cracked me up. I meant it figuratively Tony! 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
4760 I was sure 2020 was going to be my year 1.1765 0.04909 102 89 8 5
4761 so they finally built that wall, eh? bummer. 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
4762 Can only afford one, Sid, turns out not one of the King's horses was in-network. 1.1765 0.04909 102 89 8 5
4763 If that wall had been finished, I’d be a goner. 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
4764 For the life of me I can't understand why they let the horses have the first crack at me... 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
4765 I don’t care what the cops say, it was Police Brutality! 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
4766 I TOLD 'em I was too darn big for that silly little egg cup . . ." 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
4767 I wasn't even egging them on! 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
4768 I’ll have an egg cream...with a whiskey chaser... 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
4769 Two more of these ought to finish the job. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4770 Ever since brunch has been introduced to this side of town, this neighborhood has gone downhill. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4771 Fine, Jeez, forget the cocktail. Just pour me whatever you want. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4772 Look pal, we need to talk about you getting another source for your Pisco Sour ingredients... 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4773 I guess we weren’t as equally yoked 🥚 as I thought 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4774 Dont worry, you'll be fried in no time. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4775 After that whole wall incident I really thought 2020 would be my year... 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4776 This fall will be different. 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
4777 Well, you could say I hit rock bottom. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4778 So, no chairs? 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4779 Ramos Gin Fizz... heavy on the egg white... 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4780 No, it WAS all the King’s men. 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
4781 Well, you know... I ended up with egg on my face, man! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4782 anything but a highball... 1.1735 0.05030 98 86 7 5
4783 Have you considered maybe.......shorter stools?” 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4784 So there I was on the back of the wagon... 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4785 Cheers to being halfway through 2020 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4786 It was the King’s women who did it 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4787 I didn’t fall. I was pushed by the King’s men. Got the whole thing on video. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4788 To be honest it wasn’t that great of a fall. 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
4789 If she can’t take care of me, how will she be able to take care of a baby? 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4790 Make it a double...not one of the kings horses was an anaesthesiologist. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4791 The Kings men are really overrated 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4792 The king’s horses aren’t very good at putting things together again. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4793 I hope that's not egg nog! 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4794 I was pushed I tell ya. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4795 Off the wagon? I fall off the wall. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4796 I'm glad you pulled yourself together... 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4797 Only if all the king's horses and men pick up my tab 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4798 I got egg creamed 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
4799 ...and then the King’s horses had a go at me. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4800 Humpty had a great fall, but this winter and spring were brutal. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4801 I wasn't even sitting on a wall! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4802 No, thanks. I'm not drinking Harvey Wallbangers any more. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4803 Just escaped from an Instant Pot - feeling a lot of pressure 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4804 Look Sir - you're complaining our stools are too high. I'm suggesting you go back to holding your glass with both hands ... 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4805 No rocks this time. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4806 Wall again?" "No ... Wagon." 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4807 I thought when you said your joke would "crack me up" that it would be funny. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4808 The kids think it was a wall but it was really the wagon. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4809 A large yolk, neat. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4810 Pour me a stiff one … I just had breakfast with a smashed avocado. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4811 I hadn't had a drop! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4812 It's no use, it will go right through me. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4813 So, Mr. Ranchero - he really did ‘build that wall’? 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4814 Stirred. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4815 For goodness sake, give it to me straight, not on the rocks! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4816 Everyone is taking a crack at me today... 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4817 I got to move off Wall St. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4818 It wasn't so bad until the horses gave it a shot. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4819 Jake, I feel crappy. Make me a me-nog. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4820 They should have sent a doctor....tell, me, what do the King's men know?! 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4821 Falling isn't the problem, getting back together is harder than it looks. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4822 So then they tell me we don't have a king anymore and, get this, horses have been replaced by cars. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4823 I’d say your first mistake was trying to get a horse to put you back together again 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4824 I swear, if I fall off this barstool one more time...... 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4825 Just sitting there minding my business and this Antifa comes along and gives me a push! 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4826 You know, better make that over easy. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4827 The fall was great, it's spring and summer that have been hard. 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4828 Actually, it was the King's horses that were responsible. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
4829 I'll take anything, as long as it's not eggnog. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4830 I'd better not. I've got eleven good reasons to quit drinking, back home asleep in the carton. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
4831 The current polititical climate has beaten-up on expert egg heads. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4832 Six drinks in and I still don’t get the moral. 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4833 The King’s men are alright, but the horses... 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
4834 You can’t build a wall without breaking a few eggs! 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
4835 - One more Clorox, please. I still think I should be free to not wear a mask in the store, but all the kings horses and all the kings men disagree. 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
4836 Someone tweeted eggs can cure covid 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
4837 Life ain't sunny side up anymore man, just keep it coming! 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4838 You drink this one Joe, I can’t take four more years of this! 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
4839 Well, the border wall’s not gonna work. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4840 Make it a double. Mexico’s gonna pay for it. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4841 He claimed it was fake news. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4842 It's no secret, Sid. Liquor's been a Dumpty family curse for generations. 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
4843 Ouch, more like, Easter Egg hunted 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4844 They were right - no one can put me back together again. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4845 Mother Goose sat on me! 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
4846 I thought I was on a WALL, not a WAGON. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4847 I think my mom coddled me too much. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4848 How shell shocked were you yesterday? You look beat. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4849 Well barkeep, she humped me then dumped me. 1.1717 0.05185 99 88 5 6
4850 Mr. Dumpty, you really couldn't expect the king's horses to put you back together again. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4851 This is what happens when you don't have a neck. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4852 So I sez to him: "You and what King's horses and what King's men?!" 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4853 Next time I’ll let that chicken go first! 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
4854 And the worst part is that my health insurance didn't cover it. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4855 You try telling the cops Black Lives Matter... 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
4856 And without national healthcare the King's horses and men could only patch me up. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4857 And then they said tear down this wall 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
4858 All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put 2020 together again. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4859 Humpty Dumpty sat in a bar... 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4860 They may have joked about the wall, but falling off the wagon was always Humpty’s biggest problem. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4861 So it turns out, you can't sue the king when you fall off of his wall. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4862 All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put this country back together again. Believe me I’ve tried. 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
4863 I fell over easy. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4864 He said they’d pay for the wall and my hospital bills 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4865 I’m empty inside 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4866 Just another Hump Day for Humpty. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4867 Look, the fall from the wagon isn’t as high 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4868 You’d think all King’s men would be less brutal... 1.1684 0.04884 95 82 8 4
4869 Another King’s horses and King’s men coming right up 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4870 No more whiskey sours. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4871 They said they would break me. I didn't let them break me. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4872 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men never actually came. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4873 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men— yet all the help I got was a band-aid and a stimulus check. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4874 The coronavirus special will put me back together again. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4875 I think I’m about to fall off the wagon, again. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4876 Anything but a whiskey sour, please. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4877 I got egged. Ah! The irony 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4878 Yeah.. we were all in the same basket 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4879 They aren’t joking about rock bottom. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4880 If only there was no wall between my house and your bar. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4881 Shaken or stirred? 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4882 Pisco Sour - egg white on me. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4883 I had no idea there was a chick inside me" 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4884 So when are all the King’s horses and all the King’s men expected? 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4885 The "Great Fall" is fake news, Frank! All the king's horses did this to me. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4886 Hit me again 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4887 If you want something done right, do it yourself. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4888 I don't think I can have another 'on the rocks' please? 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4889 figured the bar is lower than the wall 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4890 So, bartender, how has your year been? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4891 Just a quick swig before I get back to winning 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4892 Make it a double — Mexico’s paying for it... 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4893 - I'm actually a rooster. Make it double. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4894 The king's horses and men swore that hydroxychloroquine would put me back together again... 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4895 Pour me a fix, please 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4896 They always talk about falling off the wall but nobody talks about falling off the wagon. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4897 scotch for the scotch egg 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4898 This is what happens when governments build walls 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4899 „I had something else in mind when I fell in love!“ 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4900 This was the wrong week to switch the decaf 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
4901 Just one pint at The Kings Horse and we’ll be back together again 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4902 The nursery rhyme didn't say I was an egg. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4903 All the king's horses and all the king's men saw me down and kicked me again 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4904 Bartender: “Fresh eggnog?” 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4905 I would greet you by saying ‘what’s cracking’ but I think you already know 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4906 They said sit on the wall it will be okay and then the Earthquake hit darn make it a double Joe 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4907 Gimme a drink, I’m all shook up. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4908 Humpty Dumpty should have sat on the fence 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4909 Don,” I says, “How can any country be great if Dumpty’s still falling off its walls? 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4910 What’s this now? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4911 Seriously Frank, I don’t know where those horses get their credentials. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4912 Double...On the rocks. Please!! 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4913 cracked but not defeated 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4914 All the king’s men were very, excellent men: some of the best men. Great job done by all. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4915 What happened, couldn't put Trumpty back together again? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4916 I know I’m whisking it by not wearing a mask right now, but I really need to get scrambled 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4917 I bet fifteen minutes of fame was easier back in the day! 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4918 Great fall?" Ha! I was pushe 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4919 I don't know Bill... It's not that I resist changes, but sometimes I'm afraid I won't be the same again 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4920 All the king's men were helpful and all, but there was not a single doctor among them 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4921 At least I tested positive for the antibodies.... 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4922 I’m hoping this’ll put me back together again. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4923 I just can’t get a break. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4924 Things have gotten pretty hard ever since she humpty dumped me 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4925 Still haven't learned your lesson about sitting in high chairs? 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
4926 No more wallbangers for me, thanks. 1.1684 0.04402 95 80 12 2
4927 Nobody cared after they put me together again. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4928 Humpty's last breakup almost shattered him. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4929 No, what wall? I said on the rocks. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4930 Rough day on Wallstreet? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4931 And none of the king's horses or king's men are in my HMO's network. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4932 Whoever thought horses would be helpful to fix me up should have his brains scrambled. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4933 And then that chicken in the line said it came there first" 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4934 And all the king’s men and all the king’s horses didn’t do a damn thing. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4935 How many times do I have to tell you? We don't serve breakfast here! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4936 Humpty Dumpty sent this over. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4937 Don't make it too strong. I fall over easy. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4938 I got jumped by the high cholesterol crowd." 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4939 After I fell off the wall I fell off the wagon. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4940 I'll need more than that to hold me together 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4941 I'm telling you I just got away when I heard about an egg shortage. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4942 At least the king's men were trying to help. The horses were a different story. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4943 Whadaya mean, 'what's that crack mean?' 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4944 I do wish gravity would cycle back the other way again! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4945 Icksnay on the urgerysay. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4946 I was sitting on a wall, see, and this joker comes along and cracks me up. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4947 You should see the cook. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4948 I hear that a lot, but you'd think they'd want to make something other than omelets at some point. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4949 It’s worse than my 1930s fall 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4950 The idea of another wall causes me more stress than you will ever know.” 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4951 I can't have another one on the rocks. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4952 This time I fell off the wagon. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4953 This will put it all together again. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4954 Make it a double, being a good egg ain't what it used to be. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4955 Please, no egg in my beer! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4956 not sure the King's men did such a good job 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4957 Ok sure. Make it a double ...if you think it’ll put Humpty together again 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4958 So I’m peacefully protesting that wall.... 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4959 Turns out all the king’s horses don’t know much about medicine. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4960 Okay, this one's on the house, but if you fall off that stool one more time, I'm not putting you back together again! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4961 ...and, yeah, so...Mexico should definitely request a refund... 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4962 And then they called in all the king's women... 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4963 Ya, I cracked, but I did not break. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4964 It was a horrible day on Wall Street. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4965 Wait....red wine always gives me a headache, I’ll have the white. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4966 Telehealth only goes so far. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4967 I was fine until all the King's horses and all the King's men showed up 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4968 I’ll give a stiff uppercut to the next guy who says “Build the wall.” 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4969 Life in high places just isn't what it's cracked up to be! 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4970 Here, this will help put yourself together. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4971 I always thought the great fall was the season. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4972 Well okay I’ll pour you this one, but then you gotta go. The boss don’t want no bad eggs hanging around here. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4973 Did I ask for my check? Seriously, are you cracked? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4974 I wish it was as simple as falling off the wagon. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4975 Hope a good shot trumps all the king's horses and all the king's men 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4976 ... and get this, they really thought bringing in the horses would work. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4977 Gimme one for the wall. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4978 Please, anything but on the rocks. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4979 And there it was, in the middle of nowhere, this huge damn wall. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4980 I've had a rough winter. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4981 This just means there're greater things in store for me. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4982 First they said, “White eggs don’t matter,” then POW! off the wall I go. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
4983 The increased violence in this neighbourhood is no yolk 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4984 ...and that’s the last time I’ll follow the beaten path! 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4985 Have you got anything to get me outa my shell? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4986 Still sitting on walls, uh. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4987 Unlike the monuments, public favour's still on my side 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4988 Now they've fixed my wagon, I'm right back on it... 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4989 Keep'em coming, barkeep. Send the tab to all the king's horses and men. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4990 No beer, It runs right through me. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4991 Barkeep: What happened? Egg: Everything’s falling apart. I finally cracked. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4992 I'll leak, but I'll feel better. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
4993 Boiled, scrambled, fried? What would you do? 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4994 I lost the bet with the cow...I really thought I could make it. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4995 Why do I keep getting humpty dumped? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4996 You have no idea how hard I fought for this drink 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4997 All the King’s horses neighed really loud and then stomped on me, a lot! 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
4998 Scotch with Penicillin, please 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
4999 Get a cat they said...it will be great. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5000 All the King’s horses and all the Kong’s men won’t come within 6feet of me ! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5001 Humpty got the horses. I got the men. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5002 Then she's asks if I know how to make an omelette 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5003 Yeah, I know, this world isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5004 So that's the reason I always get a headache when I hear "build that wall." 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
5005 Only you, Harry, you're the only one who can put me back together again. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5006 I feel like an egg cream. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5007 Just one glass; it’s good for my cholesterol. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5008 So finally I figured putting myself back together was something I was going to have to do myself. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5009 I have a beautiful bigly IQ and know more about medicine than anyone, ever. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5010 One for the road. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5011 What do you have for a splitting yoke ache? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5012 Would you prefer to sit at a table Sir? 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
5013 I'll take anything but a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5014 Yes, modern medicine is a wonder. It's the rehab that wears you out. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5015 No, I don't feel like my usual noon nog. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5016 Nobody told me it was Wall STREET- 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5017 Let me tell you, life’s not all it’s cracked up to be 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5018 Before you ask - no, it didn't happen on Wall Street. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5019 No, that one is for the bruised ego. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5020 I don’t know why anyone thought the horses could help. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5021 Just pour the drink and skip the cracks. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5022 No king in history ever had worse horses and men. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5023 That crazy chick went mad when I said eggs came first 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5024 Don’t worry — Hard boiled detectives can handle a little whipping. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5025 I just keep on going back to that wall... 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5026 Eggnog; shaken, not cracked. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5027 The hell with horses and men - I need an EGG Doctor ! 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5028 Couldn’t be put back together again?” Ha. We’ll see about that 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5029 This harvey wallbanger is on me, looks like you had a great fall 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5030 Being an egg isn't all that it's cracked up to be! 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5031 On second thought, I'll pass on the Harvey Wallbanger. Just give me a beer. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5032 Honestly, I’d fall apart if I didn’t have you to talk to 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5033 Hey, Joe, you know how to do what all the King's horses and all the King's men were clueless to do! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5034 Needless to say, I need a relaxing, low key Winter. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5035 I cracked up but...but they didn't get the yolk! 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5036 Pickled mate. Absolutely pickled. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5037 Now that I’m a senior, my doctor keeps telling me, “Avoid falling at all costs!” 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5038 You promise I won't leak? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5039 Thanks, but no, Bob. I’m feeling scrambled enough as is. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5040 At least they managed to put me back together 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5041 It was the king's horses - they are the real heroes. 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
5042 Boy, am I glad to be sitting here! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5043 All the king's men, can you believe that? Every single one. And look me! 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5044 I said dinosaur eggs came first. The sour grapes said I was ruining metaphors. A fight broke out and here I am. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5045 The WALL, ALWAYS the WALL!!! 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5046 I gave it my best, but I just wasn't stroganoff. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5047 ...but the worst part is the scrambled egg jokes. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5048 . . . and he only stopped beating me because he didn't want to be known for egg on his face 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5049 You’d think after all the fuss he made about the wall it would at least be sturdy! 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5050 They've already written a song about the whole thing. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5051 It's my last name....I'm totally jinxed... 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5052 How was I to know the cooking class today would be about how to use an egg-beater? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5053 A wall or a wagon, one fall is as good as another. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5054 I guess I’m just too thin shelled to make it as a hard boiled detective. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5055 Egg nog does not agree with me. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5056 Make it a soft drink. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5057 I'll tell ya why walls are a bad idea. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5058 What was that label, Kings Horses? Let me try the Kings Men this time 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5059 You know, you should really stop sitting on a wall. You have already fallen down 5 times this week. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5060 Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable sitting in one of our nice, low booths? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5061 Whatever the King's Men are having. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5062 Just don't make it "on the rocks." 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5063 I tell 'ya, the top of that wall was like an ice rink! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5064 Life just isn’t what it was cracked up to be! 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5065 And the bartender pours him all the king's gin, As Humpty imbibes his own health care system. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5066 Please, no eggnog. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5067 So what did come first the chicken or the egg? It's really been cracking me up. 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
5068 All the King's men are busy clearing protesters. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5069 On second thought, make it a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5070 Let me tell you, I had it with fighting over "which came me first". 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5071 They did do a good job of putting me together, don’t you think? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5072 No, it wasn't a wagon. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5073 A little pick-me-up always puts me back together... 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5074 I was on top of it all until that article appeared in The Wall Street Journal. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5075 Make it a double, Ed, I've really hit a wall today. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5076 Whose idea was it anyway? 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5077 It’s true I sat on a wall, but, no, I only had a close call. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5078 Big market drop. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5079 I know it’s all in my head, but it still hurts 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5080 We were all in one basket and it was great until ...it wasn't . 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5081 No thanks...I already got hammered. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5082 The ramp was too slippery for my leather soles. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5083 I'll have anything, as long as it isn't on the rocks. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5084 Well, I guess we know who came in first... 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5085 Fill it please, I have a splitting headache 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5086 Don’t worry, a hangover is the least of my problems. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5087 I couldn't make that chicken come first 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5088 Give me one for my nog. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5089 Perhaps a double shot can do what all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5090 Life these days just isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5091 I don't know why they thought all the King's horses would do any good. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5092 I happen to get hungover easily. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5093 Please tell me you did not call the King's horses OR the King's men! 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5094 Just make that egg yolk on the rocks. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5095 Where are all the king's horses when you really need them? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5096 Got anything stronger than all the king’s men? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5097 It seemed so easy. Just jump down and join the protest. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5098 Oh, about as great as your spring. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5099 Who is George Floyd? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5100 The king’s women did a pretty good job. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5101 I'm telling you, if you're looking for an orthopedist don't go to the Kings' Men 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5102 Pour me a double with seltzer and a raw egg. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5103 No. Those Kingsmen were a singing group at Columbia U. 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5104 The men did okay, but the horses couldn't even begin to put me together again. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5105 Bottoms up? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5106 Spring was rough, and I’m not looking forward to a great fall. 1.1684 0.05109 95 84 6 5
5107 You think this will put me back together again? 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
5108 Remind me never to go back to Tulsa. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5109 No thanks, trying for the top shelf is how I got this way. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5110 Trump built the wall. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5111 Joe, the fairy tale rhyme is over. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5112 You know, maybe not 'on the rocks' this time. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5113 Why the wall of silence? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5114 Lenny, this may be the scotch talking but you’re a king among men in my book. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
5115 He totally egg’d me on — said I was a low level Grade B. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5116 Make it a double. You got “Don’t Worry Be Happy” or “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” on the jukebox? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5117 ...and then the king sent more horses. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5118 No more top shelf. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5119 Lousy Spring and Summer, but I'm expecting a Great Fall. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5120 I promise not to get pickled 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5121 Perhaps. But my winter, spring, summer were not so great. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5122 Yesterday that one made me dizzy. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
5123 On the rocks? Are you kidding me? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
5124 Assaulted by a poacher, again? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
5125 Everyone warned me the Wall idea was totally cracked. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
5126 I thought state commissioned statues were safe 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
5127 Shaken not scrambled, thanks. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
5128 It wasn't so much the fall as the king's horsemen and the king's men. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
5129 The king's horses and king's men were great; it was the lack of ICUs that mitigated my recovery. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
5130 Trying not to get too tipsy. 1.1667 0.05058 96 85 6 5
5131 Are you sure? You remember what happened last time. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
5132 I do still need one egg white. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
5133 Cut me off at four. 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
5134 That will be the last time I sit on top of Wall Street. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
5135 I’m tellin’ ya Sam, it really wasn’t that great of a fall. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5136 How could he want to build the wall after what I’ve been through?! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5137 Just slightly dirty, please. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5138 I was pushed, but their body cams conveniently 'weren't working' 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5139 Sometimes you gotta break a few eggs 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5140 What ever happened to a few good eggs??? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5141 Here, this one is on me , hope you stay on the sunny side 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5142 Humpty on the rocks, coming right up 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5143 So, why the oblong face? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5144 Yeah, they sent some men and those guys with the long faces. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5145 So, yeah, vodka goes straight to my head. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5146 They won't say it to my face, but none of the doctors are willing to outdo the king 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5147 I guess this is a don’t count your chickens type of year 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5148 leave the bottle 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5149 Being put back together again isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5150 Would you like to try my Harvey Wallbanger, sir? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5151 Humpty Dumpty had a big fall ... from grace. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5152 Batons, rubber bullets, you name it. But they all have qualified immunity so I can’t even sue for damages 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5153 Finally, together again. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5154 Looks like you had a really rough day, Mr. Dumpty. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5155 It's not a great wall my friend, don't fall for it. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5156 That was Humpty. I've got insurance. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5157 Turns out Hump Day falls on retrograde 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5158 Trump’s wall was so high I tripped over it 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5159 It’s only a flesh wound. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5160 Yeah, and all the King's horses showed up and it just became a whole thing.. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5161 Maybe THIS will put you back together again.” 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5162 Arent you supposed to fall by now just like our fricking economy . 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5163 You’re right, I should have said reform not defund. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5164 ... and now a glass of this for the inner wounds 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5165 Pour me a double of the strongest glue you’ve got. #keepittogether #liquidducttape 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5166 give me whatever’s on tap. I’ve been feeling so scrambled lately. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5167 atkins. now keto. something’s rotten ‘round here and it ain’t me. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5168 At least it was non-lethal force... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5169 Nothing for me, thanks...that stuff goes right through me. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5170 You know, I don't think a walls the answer. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5171 And they said a whiskey sour wouldn't cut it 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5172 There were huge crowds at the Trump rally. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5173 Then came the murder hornets 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5174 Was beaten by a few bad eggs 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5175 Summer was just ok but I had a great fall. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5176 I am never dating a chef again...ever. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5177 You should’ve seen how they scrambled my brother 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5178 You know this won’t put you back together again, right? 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5179 Dont even ask.... you'll see me on the news tomorrow 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5180 I’m telling you, that ramp was really slippery! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5181 I loved her funny side up. Cracked me up, it did. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5182 ...yeah so that’s how I’ve been. how has things been going around here? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5183 Maybe right now isn’t the best time to try the pisco sour. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5184 You’re not going to believe this 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5185 Hit me with something hard, Jerry - everybody else already does. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5186 I think all the King's horses and all the King's men forgot I was a white egg when they refused me putting-back-together-again treatment 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5187 Maybe you can heal me from the inside out? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5188 „My head is eggsploding.“ 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5189 Unfortunately, none of the King’s horses and none of the king’s men were in network 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5190 Better make it a double; I'm a little scrambled. 1.1630 0.04169 92 77 13 1
5191 If you ask me, building a wall isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5192 As it turns out, the monarchy's public health system was sufficient to put me back together again. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5193 I’ll have a whiskey sour but hold the egg whites. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5194 I've been cracked so badly 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5195 Some weird bird talking about how they came first.. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5196 What was that look for, barkeep? You got something against pickled eggs? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5197 I got laid this one time and then everything just went to hell. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5198 Double Nog Joe...nah, I got the rest...just another bad day on Wall Street. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5199 The hard-boiled truth is that I have a fragile shell. @atz840 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5200 @newyorkermag Yeah, Really! It begun with the Australia fires then the locusts in Africa then the pandemic and last protests and riots! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5201 Yep - it was the King’s horses and the King’s men that did it... and I’m a white egg! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5202 Never ask me if I want an amaretto sour again please. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5203 Never leave to the King what the Queen can do. . 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5204 But really, you should see the other egg. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5205 Not the best time to build another wall, I suppose. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5206 It was a fake wall 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5207 Glory be the Queen came to the rescue. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5208 It feels like I’ve been waiting for this since last fall. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5209 Some to numb the pain, some to slump the brain 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5210 I’m hoping this “All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men” Scotch will put me back together again 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5211 This 2020 is kicking my egg off 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5212 With all that’s going on in the world today, maybe numbing my pain isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. We all have different tipping points, I suppose. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5213 My emotions are boiling over 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5214 Apparently, they defunded all the king’s men... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5215 I hope that has some hydroxychloroquine in it 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5216 Ok one more. Then I’m calling the cavalry.” “Go ahead. They’ll never go to Brooklyn. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5217 I’m sorry to hear you didn’t land in Mexico. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5218 The others didn't make it. I knew it was the wrong basket. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5219 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty went to a bar; Today’s a great day for Breonna Taylor’s killers to be brought to justice 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5220 My life is falling apart but at least we don’t have to wear those silly mask in here. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5221 Rough week?”... “It was eggshausting... 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5222 As it turns out, it’s not so much a wall as it is a fence. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5223 Is it Christmas already? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5224 Put me together again? It was all the king's horses and all the king's men who did this to me in the first place! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5225 I was here before I sat on the wall, right? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5226 He wanted to build a wall, so I figured I should go sit on it. It didn’t go well. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5227 I still say white fragility is more harmful than eggshell white fragility. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5228 so, I had a few drinks before I got on top of the wall... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5229 how was the Protest?” “Had a big fall 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5230 Humpty Dumpty sat at a Bar, Humpty Dumpty had a great Brawl 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5231 They called this reasonable force 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5232 Normally, I'm a social drinker. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5233 They didn't even try to put me back together. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5234 Bartender: I’ve never seen you in such rough shape, Humpty. What happened? Humpty Dumpty: I sat on a wall and had a great fall into 2020. Bartender: Say no more. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5235 You deserve this after that encounter with Bunker Boy. At least you pulled yourself together. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5236 I’m just hoping for a better Winter. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5237 „ then the kings men tried ...incompetent imbeciles I tell you ..... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5238 I am having an eggistential crisis. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5239 The King's men were useless, so I put myself back together. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5240 After this spring and summer, I am not excited for the fall. 1.1630 0.05190 92 82 5 5
5241 say about 2020 what you will, but my wife is the only one i'll submit too these days. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5242 I'm beginning to see the downside of that wall 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5243 Bartender, I'll have a great fall 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5244 Whiskey for the men, beer for the horses 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5245 Trumpty Dumpty is starting to crack 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5246 You’d think I’d get a little respect for what I’ve contributed to this society! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5247 ....and just like that, they dropped me.... 1.1630 0.03551 92 81 9 2
5248 And now they’re telling me I’m not even in the poem! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5249 On the rocks?” “On a wall! I told you this already... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5250 No, I’m not a COVID patient. I’m suffering from 4 years of the TrumpFlu. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5251 how everyone thought it was a good idea to seat the giant, anthropomorphized egg on top of the wall is beyond me 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5252 Screw all the king's horses and all the king's men, make it a double Charlie. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5253 The only thing left for me now is to be an omelette. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5254 That's the last time I'm doing the White House Easter gig. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5255 And then all the King’s Horses and all the King’s Men came with tear gas. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5256 Let’s get cracking on that second round. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5257 Turns out all those king's horses and all those king's men are really a bunch of thugs. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5258 I don't Larry, I don't think I can take anymore 2020. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5259 My wife said I'm falling apart. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5260 No, but seriously, "The Wall" always worked for me before. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5261 It's more of the king's horses than you expect. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5262 Something to put me together again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5263 Well, I fell off the wall, why not fall off the wagon, too?... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5264 That’s absolutely the last time I do a reenactment! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5265 Protesting ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5266 NOW I know "beaten" is a double entendre! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5267 And all the king's horses . . . 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5268 I t was touch and go at first but the EMTs did an amazing job... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5269 Make it a double, they’re really cracking down on us today. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5270 They said build a Great Wall, then everyone got Covid. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5271 Whooah! No King 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5272 I’ll have a Humpty Dumpty. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5273 Word of advice — don't let Trump try to put you back together. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5274 No, Mr. Dumpty’s a distant relative; I just got bad genes. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5275 The king's men and horses were useless, but then someone suggested I should try a doctor. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5276 All the King's horses did most of the damage. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5277 I was just sitting on the wall. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5278 Think I look bad, you should see the hen! 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5279 Trumpty Dumpty tried to build a wall, Trumpty Dumpty had a great Fall (in approval ratings), all the “king’s” yes men and all the “king’s” base couldn’t put Trumpty’s 2020 campaign back together again. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5280 Last thing I remember,I was sitting on a wall ... 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5281 All the Kingsmen were singing Humpty Dumpty no no no no no me gotta go now. Then they left on horseback. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5282 I've always got to prove I'm not a chicken. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5283 I warned him that all his horses and men would be useless at the border wall. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5284 My mind may be scrambled but I remember sitting on a wall and then suddenly everything was sunny side up. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5285 And a round for all the King's men! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5286 It was the wife this time. She cracked. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5287 I never should have dated a chef. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5288 Being Humpty’s stunt double is a thankless job. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5289 I must have misunderstood that part about “had a great fall.” 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5290 Guess you could say I hit rock bottom” 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5291 It's not the king's horses that worry me, but a few of the king's men. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5292 That’s the confusion. I still have PTSD. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5293 Make it a double; I just had a great fall and need to get myself together again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5294 You think falling off a wall is rough?Wall st. falls are rougher 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5295 At this rate of falling I’ll need better insurance. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5296 Are you sure a Harvey Wallbanger is the right drink? 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5297 It took all the king's chicken farmers to finally get me together again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5298 As if that's going to break me. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5299 Set 'em Up Joe. I Told all the King's Horses and all the King's Men, First Round's On Me! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5300 No more for me, Joe. I 've hit the wall. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5301 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men didn’t have a clue. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5302 The fall wasn't so great." Mary Spear, St. Peter, M 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5303 How 'bout a SOFT boilermaker this time? 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5304 I don't know how much longer I can comply with the shelter in egg restriction! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5305 I was having such a great fall, until the accident in China. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5306 All the king’s houses were no help at all 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5307 No, I didn't fall off the wagon. Just a wall. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5308 ...and they were able to put me back together again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5309 This one is on the wall... sorry I meant house... 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5310 They called me Trumpty Dumpty! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5311 All the king's men couldn't do it. But then the queen's women got on the the case ana here I am! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5312 What kind of idiot king gives a delicate surgical reconstruction to all his horses, anyway 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5313 Gravity? ...Nah, fake news. Show me the proof! 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5314 Are you kidding? All the king's horses and all the king's men are the guys who did this to me! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5315 Then one of the King's horses kicked me when I was down. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5316 I got trampled by all the King's horses. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5317 Wait. Before you pour. Please tell me once again I'm not President anymore" 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5318 So I said, sure, the summer sucked, but it’s gonna be a great Fall! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5319 Do you have any drinks that plaster egg-shell? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5320 Give me a Suffering Bastard on the rocks 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5321 I tried to sit on a six foot wall, but I had a socially distant fall. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5322 This will put yourself together again pal. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5323 You should’ve seen Humpty Dumpty.” 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5324 Turns out 'the wall' was really nothing more than a fence. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5325 I heard pickled eggs last longer 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5326 It wasn't the great fall. It was all the king's men who got so frustrated cause they couldn't ... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5327 And a splash of Gorilla glue, please. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5328 dang, I'm having a deja vue 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5329 I need more of a don’t-fall-down than a pick-me-up, if you know what I mean. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5330 That date stamp was pretty rough. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5331 ......and "All the Kings Men" ugh! They could really could give a crap! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5332 Make it a double. The fall wasn’t so great, and I got egg all over my face. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5333 Things just aren’t what they’re cracked up to be anymore 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5334 My only hope is if I win my suit against All the King's Men! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5335 I don't know why the got horses to help. They jut made it worse. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5336 It wasn't the fall or the men. It was those damn horses! 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5337 I don't care what all the king's horses and all the king's men say. I was pushed. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5338 I heard you give shots? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5339 Some chick yelled food fight..... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5340 It was hot and I was tired of walking and there was this nice wall in the shade, so... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5341 And give me a milk chaser. I need the calcium. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5342 just feeling a bit dumpty today 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5343 'You won't believe this, but I was minding my own business, sitting on a wall. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5344 Couldn't, or wouldn't? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5345 Have you seen Jill? I heard she came tumbling through here! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5346 Maybe I shouldn't. That's what got me in trouble the first time. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5347 Yeah, they had me test out that new wall... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5348 That fight was not over easy. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5349 I have to get out of Wall Street 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5350 Yes, yes, Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall off of his wall. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5351 Next time warn me when you're gonna offer folks an egg in their beer! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5352 Skip the bitters! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5353 Just leave the bottle. I've got all the king's horses and all the-- aw, to hell with it. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5354 I survived the virus, but the king’s men said my wall-sitting days are over. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5355 They say you gotta get back on the horse. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5356 No more wall sitting for me. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5357 A priest, a rabbi and I walked into the bar, but the brown egg was arrested. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5358 Having all the king's horses and all the king's men at my beck and call is not what it's cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5359 Bourbon, make it fast - I only have 3 minutes to live. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5360 Dude, if the past is any indication, I'm NOT going to have a great fall. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5361 Sure, one more Harvey Wallbanger. I can sleep in tomorrow. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5362 My EX learned how to use a ladder. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5363 Better not. One brandy in this state and I’m Advocaat. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5364 Maybe not 'together' together, but not unglued either, if you know what I mean. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5365 I kept saying, "don't egg them on," but do you think anyone would listen? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5366 No! I want an Egg Cream. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5367 Always with the mimosas. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5368 Can you make an egg creme? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5369 Can I get that sunny side up? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5370 You can't make an Egg Nog without cracking a few eggs. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5371 Dont' shake, don't stir, don't mix, don't even speak... put it down very gently and walk away. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5372 I guess the King's horses and men are at Mar-a-Lago or something. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5373 I didn’t really want to fight, but the crowd kept egging me on. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5374 and he was supposed to be the good egg.... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5375 Hey, do you serve eggs for free. I’m broke. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5376 As you can see, I already fell off of the wagon. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5377 That may be true, but it wasn't such a swell spring. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5378 Racist tropes used to work. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5379 All I said was I didn't want to wear a mask. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5380 At least the stuff helps me FEEL put together. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5381 King's horses and men? You crack me up! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5382 Well, I won't sit on a wall again any time soon! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5383 So you take the wall, the protests and the coronavirus... did I mention I fell off the wall? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5384 Big fall, eh? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5385 At least my memoir wasn't censored. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5386 Shaken? You could say that. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5387 Yeah, but you should see the wall. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5388 I had a great fall, but my spring was terrible. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5389 Yeah, I had a great fall building his damn wall. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5390 Did not have a great spring... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5391 This gig ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5392 Hold the ice, all Super Glue, and make it a double. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5393 The greatest economy in history, believe me. And the hair! You should have seen the hair. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5394 There's a lot competition for prime shelter-in-place spots where I hang out. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5395 I'll have one off the wall 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5396 I just wanted to show my support. Then people started throwing stuff. Classic in the wrong place at the wrong time. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5397 THE WALL WASN'T AS EASY AS WHAT IT WAS CRACKED UP TO BE! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5398 Yeah, it's bad. But you should see Humpty. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5399 Man, fix me up. I've got to get back to Wall Street. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5400 It’s those damn neutrinos! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5401 Let’s just say that I had a great fall off the wagon. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5402 Could you add a shot of glue? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5403 Make it a double, this day almost fried me. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5404 I shouldn't have called him a chicken. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5405 Dude, I'm so cracked up right now. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5406 And worst of all, they took my phone! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5407 Lafayette Square isn’t what it used to be. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5408 I was supposed to meet all the king's horses and men but they never showed. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5409 Hoping there will be a Make Eggs Great Again movement 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5410 Playing Humpty Dumpty isn’t cracked up to be what I expected. 1.1630 0.03197 92 80 11 1
5411 No, somehow a Harvey Wall Banger doesn't seem quite right anymore. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5412 Make it a double. I was expecting all the king's horses and all the king's men but it was just a paramedic with bad breath. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5413 All I said to the protesters was “ I support building a wall!” 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5414 No, not egg nog! I said I got egg-knocked. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5415 Of course the king's horses weren't any help, they knocked me off in first place! 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5416 Egg cream, quick! And make it a double . . . 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5417 The usual Sam, Brooklyn Egg cream, hold the shell. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5418 Oddly, they called in my horses instead of my doctors. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5419 Hold the rocks - turns out that’s what walls are made of. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5420 Are you sure you don’t have any shorter bar stools? 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5421 They always ask, "Did Humpty Dumpty have a good fall?", but never, "How is Humpty Dumpty?" Besides, if they actually read the rhyme they would know I had a great fall. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5422 And then, , my boss offers me an egg salad sandwich. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5423 All the King’s horses did this man! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5424 My agent told me the Trump Wall was as solid as a rock. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5425 So, I've decided to start a campaign to defund all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5426 Sobriety ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5427 Just one please, I don't want to fall again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5428 trust me, there was nothing great about it 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5429 All the kings horses and all the kings men chip in when you fall off a wall, but when you fall off the wagon no one picks up the phone" 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5430 I had a great fall - bu I'm dreading a rotten winter 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5431 Yeah they think it's funny, but the yoke is on them! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5432 She dumped me, Ray. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5433 Obviously, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men were unsuccessful. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5434 I was just expounding on my eggistential ideas. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5435 Trump's made my life even harder than before. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5436 Being hard boiled ain't all it's cracked up to be. I'm thinking I might enjoy getting pickled for once! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5437 Then I say "maybe I'll scramble YOU" 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5438 'I thought it was gonna be such a big, beautiful wall ...' 1.1630 0.04024 92 80 10 2
5439 Occupy Wall Street. MeToo. BLM. Great causes, to be sure, but when will someone demonstrate for ostrich eggs? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5440 Believe it or not, I was trying my best to avoid a pun. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5441 If I had to rate it...it wasn’t that great. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5442 Putting it together again can wait. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5443 Actually, make it a water. I'd like to get back up on the wall. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5444 I've been working on construction of that wall for three years and I just don't know how much more I can take. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5445 Here, this might help put you back together again, metaphorically speaking. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5446 How about throwing some of that cannabis stuff in there? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5447 A shot of bleach and I’ll be put back together again. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5448 Everything was fine until the horses started trying to put me back together again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5449 That's great, I just needed a little pick me up" 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5450 I didn’t fall. I was tear-gassed. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5451 Worked the omelet station today... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5452 Tried to settle that age-old argument with the chicken, once and for all. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5453 Yeah, it was a great fall. But thank goodness that Kingsmen technology has come a long way. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5454 I wouldn't do this to myself, so she must have come first. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5455 Jim, you don't know the nursery rhyme biz. I finally cracked under the pressure. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5456 So you're saying I should sue? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5457 Sometimes you wish all the king's men would stay home. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5458 All I said was Black Lives Matter. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5459 So then I told her, “I give up, how do you make a Ramos Gin fizz?” 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5460 I just hope white people will finally start caring about police brutality 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5461 The president said”Covid, smobid” and that’s when I fell off the turnip truck. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5462 Humpty Dumpty needs a Highball 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5463 The king's horses and the king's men were off defending the king from his subjects, so the EMTs did the best they could. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5464 It's true about the horses, but one of the men was a medic and he did his best 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5465 Yeah, I was sitting on the wall minding my business, and from out of nowhere a cop knocks me to the ground cursing at brown eggs! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5466 So set me up, Joe. I've got a little story you need to know. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5467 All the King,s Men kept buying me rounds— like that was goin to work. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5468 It's a good thing I'm hard-boiled or I would never have survived the fall. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5469 They said you can't just sit on the wall. They fought to make me take a side. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5470 Yeah yeah very original. Like I haven't heard someone ask if I wanted "eggnog" a million times. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5471 What happened to me? I was demonstrating the second law of thermodynamics. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5472 So I called 911 and king's horses and king's men showed up. Really? Give me some bourbon. Ah, make it a double. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5473 As you can probably tell, I didn’t go over-easy. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5474 I only sprained my ankle, but then all the King’s horses and all the King’s men arrived. Someone should tell the idiot this is a constitutional republic. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5475 All the king's horses didn't really help 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5476 Defund all the king's horses and all the king's men, I say." --Hamish Crawford (torquil.finlay@gmail.com 1.1630 0.05190 92 82 5 5
5477 The Stock Market Cracked. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5478 You walked into the vegan breakfast place? ... This one's on the house. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5479 All the Presidents Men just crack me up 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5480 Wall’s still not done. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5481 The Kings Horsemen Insurance coverage makes this the only affordable pain medicine. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5482 This wall-sitting thing is just not all it's cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04447 92 78 11 2
5483 It was my father's fault - she a chicken, he an ostrich. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5484 All the King's horses and all the King's men... and not a 'Go-Pro' between the lot of 'em! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5485 It was a hard fall. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5486 Believe me they made a huge mistake when the fake news compared me to Humpty. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5487 I was just helping my chicken cross the road.” 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5488 I said stirred! 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5489 Not that gig again,” I said. “Walls are SO 19th century. But, noooo, my agent said, just do it for a year. Say you were trying to hold the thing together and then you can write a book. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5490 I told you, I wasn't sitting on a wall... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5491 I think you’ve poured me too much. I think I see a signature right beneath me. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5492 I kept saying, 'Over Easy,' but, nooo, they wouldn't listen. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5493 From now on, this is my looking glass. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5494 Jack be nimble and poor old Humpty a shot of your finest. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5495 Tough fight, but you shoulda seen #714 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5496 I was all put back together again, then I walked behind one of the horses......... 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5497 All the President's horses and all the President's men put me together again 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5498 No, this time it was a domestic dispute. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5499 I guess the yolk's on me! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5500 There was more hump than dump,if you know what I mean 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5501 Can you also give me an extra tall glass of ice on the side? 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5502 Thanks, I need that. The horses and men were no help at all. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5503 At least they didn't get the yolk. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5504 I need a drink before I go (to set) again. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5505 King’s Horses Scotch?! Are you kidding me? And don’t even think about the King’s Men Gin! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5506 I’ll have anything except a Wall-Banger” 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5507 Did all the King's Men put you together again? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5508 Hi, I'm tRumpty Dumpty. What do you have with Clorox in it? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5509 The wall was at the Mexican border. I climbed on and it collapsed. Happily it wasn’t very high, and the horses at least were very helpful. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5510 Larry, if anyone tells you a Wall is a great way to keep foreigners out, you can send them to me 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5511 The irony is that I was run down by an Eggo truck. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5512 Good thing I’m White. At least the King’s men tried... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5513 Murder hornets? ...No, I was actually just sitting on a wall. 2020, man. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5514 Then she says, Don't act so hard boiled with me," and pushes me right off the wall. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5515 Set then up for the Kings horses. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5516 In came wine, out came a yolk 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5517 Hey, what gives Bob? Looks like you're mixing ingrediants for making mayonaise. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5518 And then the King pepper sprayed me! 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5519 Sorry, Phil. I should just sit on the floor. 1.1630 0.04955 92 80 7 4
5520 It was peaceful until that stupid photo op! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5521 Fuck the King’s horses and men. Make it a double! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5522 My winter and spring haven't been great either. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5523 The Kings Men put me back together! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5524 All the king's horses are getting the hang of this. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5525 2020 has been Hell already -- how great can Fall be? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5526 Forget all the king's horses and men, make it a stiff one. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5527 This gig just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5528 Am on my way to the wall 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5529 After watching the news you won't think I'm the one who is cracked! 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5530 May as well make it a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5531 I was just minding my business on Wall Street! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5532 And don't bother for all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5533 All the king's horses and all the king's men tried to make a prairie oyster. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5534 Gotta straw? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5535 Take a sip of this, might help you come out of your shell. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5536 ... and I keep thinking: 'Who will put me back together again??...' 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5537 No thanks - I don't need any help coming out of my shell tonight. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5538 Get me a tall screwdriver, extra rocks, and a clear epoxy neat. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
5539 No they couldn’t do it but thank God there was an urgent care nearby 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5540 Harvey Wallbanger, please, and make it a double. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5541 I was at the salad bar and these croutons came out of nowhere! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5542 I told ya how many times Quit sitting on the wall! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5543 They said they were all the king's men. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5544 Got any new yolks, Sam? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5545 If I don't make it,promise me I'll be scrambled,not buried. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5546 Then they said that it says nowhere in the book that I'm an egg. Only that I look like one... that crushed me, man! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5547 I’m actually grateful for telemedicine. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5548 All the king's horses and all the king's men said I could put it on their tab. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5549 I guess this virus business has me cracking from the pressure. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
5550 I heard you serve pickled eggs here. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
5551 Ya, I took a beating but I came out looking like the sunny side up. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
5552 So I fall off the wall again, right? And they all point and laugh. They say: “Hey I guess ole humpty is a crack addict after all!” And I say “No...I’m a raging alcoholic. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5553 Rough day? I feel you. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
5554 That’s the last time I let anyone sit on my face 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5555 I took the lyrics “I get knocked down, but I get up again” very seriously during karaoke 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5556 I’m going to build the greatest wall ever. “ he said. “So beautiful” he said 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5557 Had a great fall and landed in a bar... Because there is no medicine 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5558 I’ll take a glass of All The Kings Horses Steve. Hold the Men. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5559 When the government said they had to crack a few eggs to build a wall I didn't think they'd do it to me! 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5560 I tried attending a peaceful protest for brown eggs matter and the police showed up. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5561 Don't ask, almost got baked. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5562 You really don’t crack me up like you used to. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5563 I just want everyone to think I fell so I can drink until 2021 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5564 All I'd said was 'I'm bearish on Bitcoin' 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5565 I told you, I can’t be “put back together again.” It’s not an essential surgery! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5566 All the kings horses and all the kings men- can’t silence the protesters ever again. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5567 Pour me another- heavy on the Elmer's. Ya' know, I am most upset about the side on which I landed. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5568 To be honest the whole wall situation has been precious since 2016, but 2020 was really my downfall 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5569 Om-e-let you know that life ain’t easy and always on the sunny-side-up, it’s hard. I’m in boiling water with the wife. I scrambled to get here without being poached by the boss, and later I’ll hash it out with my therapist. I’ll take a double please. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5570 Yes, an eggstra shot, please! 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5571 And then I said ‘don’t step on the cracks or you’ll break your mother’s back’, and the horse STEPPED on it, Jim. He stepped so hard a little yolk came out. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5572 Another re fill 2020? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5573 And you think COVID is bad 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5574 I tried the king’s men, but they don’t take my insurance... 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5575 So far about 2020 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5576 Enough with the covfefe sours! 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5577 A *good egg* in the US has its days. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5578 So happy for phase 2, I’ve been drinking on a wall for months. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5579 I just never expected all the Kings horses & all the Kong’s men to push me off that wall! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5580 My job isn't all its cracked up to be, you know 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5581 Eggsactly, what I need, a drink 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5582 Another bar fight 😔 A rotten egg took a seat at the bar, I fixed me a double #bartenderlife 😒 😁 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5583 What wall? Rubber bullets, man. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5584 Uh-oh...Is this considered a preexisting condition? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5585 Instead of a joke, I cracked my head 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5586 Yes, pour one more. This fall didn’t get me even close to my bottom. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5587 But I’m a good egg. You say people can’t see that, what, because of the colour of my SHELL??? #newyorkercartoons #blacklivesmatter #love #peace 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
5588 Hey, I know a guy who says he can make you great again 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
5589 Bar tender: “Life is all about balance.” 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5590 You call that a shotglass? Looks like an eggcup. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5591 Never argue with a chicken who first appeared on the earth... 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5592 What are you saving me for? I ain't giving no chiken! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5593 Anything for a splitting headache? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5594 You're always alot o' laughs ,Joe. Today, I'm not in the mood. Just pour. No crackin' yokes. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5595 Can you remember what I was sitting on last night? 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5596 It’s been a rough year. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5597 ' Prairie Oyster? Are you for REAL?' 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5598 Better make it a soft-boilermaker. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5599 I'll have a vodka eggnog,stirred,not shaken. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5600 Let's just say I have a hard-boiled story. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5601 The wall wasn't so great---I'll have a Harvey Wallbanger 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5602 I am the egg-head. Sad. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5603 So far this year, things haven't been good, but I think I'm due for a great fall 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5604 It was all the King's men. There's your government run health care for you. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5605 Just water for me; the last time I had a drink I went right off-the-wall. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5606 I've hit a personal wall, Jerry. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5607 Since my last breakup, I just don't feel like anything can put me back together again. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5608 I didn’t have a great spring. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5609 Extra ice please, with a twist of Super Glue. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5610 Also, I’d like a keg to go to thank the king’s men for their efforts. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5611 Lemme tell you. That fall? It wasn't that great. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5612 I already told you we don't allow anyone in without a mask 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5613 Joining a protest isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5614 And so they just left me there. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5615 The king’s horses and men could do nothing but Fauci was there. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5616 Most bachelorette parties prefer sexy fireman to Humpty the egg. It’s just been hard to find steady work 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5617 Parkour is not in my future... 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5618 Why the long face? Really? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5619 We were sitting high on our positions, Larry, and in the blink of an eye it all came crashing down. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5620 I handled the Kings men OK, but the Kings horses kicked the heck outta me. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5621 To quote a dear friend and fellow scholar, "Via ovicapitum dura est" 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5622 I'm starring in a hard-boiled whodunit. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5623 Don’t ask! 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5624 Whaddaya got to put me together again? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5625 all the king's men did a pretty good job! have one on the house. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5626 Man, you were right earlier...I should have called out sick. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5627 Messing with all the king's horses and all the king's men was useless I need a drink 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5628 Nobody said there was a ramp! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5629 Put some glue in it. 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
5630 I've had a lousy spring. Looking forward to autumn. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5631 Yeah? Well you should see the other egg! 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5632 I need something to unscramble my brain. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5633 I never said I wanted to sit on a wall in he first place. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5634 And I thought things couldn’t get worse. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5635 It’s been a rough year but I’m looking forward to a great fall. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5636 That trumped up wall wasn’t very well built! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5637 ....and the worst part of it is that everyone laughs when I tell them I had an eggistential experience. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5638 Said they couldn't put me together again because of social distancing-that plus the king's horses don't have hands. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5639 What sob story? Who said anything about a sob story 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5640 It was slippery and there was no railing. And I could drink that with one hand if I had not been saluting all day. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5641 Had a rough day with all the King’s Horses and all the King’s men. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5642 Whoa Mack! You better hold the alcohol; I’m already “shell “ shocked and anther fall would kill me!! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5643 Just escaped the protest against eggheads. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5644 Who thought it was a good idea to let all the king's horses help put me back together again. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5645 Make it a double. The President’s wall was unstable. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5646 It gets worse...Blue Cross says all the King's horses and men are out of network. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5647 Thanks, I could use a pick-me-up. 1.1613 0.03679 93 80 12 1
5648 It was a weird day at the office 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5649 I think I'm cracking up after falling for that ridiculous pick up line. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5650 I can’t drink here. You’re not wearing a mask!!! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5651 The King's men ran off to do other things. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5652 No, I do not have a problem with my balance. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5653 Drink to All Kings Men? Phooey; everybody wants to help afterwards, where were they before when it might have mattered? 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5654 Shot of King’s Horses? 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5655 Yes, I said egg nog. And make it a double. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5656 My wife called me a 'One minute egg'. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5657 I would have fared better,but the king's horses weren't so professional. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5658 It wasn’t the fall ... it was the protest that followed. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5659 He insisted on building a great wall. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5660 Doing PR for this wall is tougher than I expected. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5661 I got treated worse because Im a brown egg 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5662 Another Wallbanger monsieur 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5663 Alcohol did not fix outside boo-boo but maybe alcohol will fix inside boo-boo. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5664 It's okay, I'm also out of egg whites. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5665 I'm getting smashed-er. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5666 One of the king's men pushed me. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5667 Humpty looks a little sunny side up today 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5668 Yeah, I did fall. But it was the wall's fault! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5669 Tough spring and summer. Hoping for a great fall. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5670 There once was an egg named Humpty After his big fall they called him Dumpty But he’s not the only one To fall away from the sun He’s been replaced by Donald J Trumpty 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5671 This is my special Humpty-Dumpty wall banger! 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5672 I was trying to make a fool of my wife, so she tried to make an omelet of me. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5673 Being a nursery icon left me empty inside, just a shell of my former self. I blame my mother, Goose, for substituting couldn't for could've in final copy 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5674 Sir you've finished nearly all the "king's men". 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
5675 Would you like this on the rocks? 1.1613 0.04402 93 79 11 2
5676 This egghead is dead. Fill it up! 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5677 Just warn me the next time the Whiskey Flip is featured as your special. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5678 But that’s a way of saying it, positively toward the negative. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5679 Come on, give me a break -- another round, please! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5680 Well I sat on the Wall, and I had a great fall, so please give me something to put my Egg..oh..no..my together again. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5681 I'm not really such a bad egg, even if I did vote Republican. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5682 Some times, I feel so hard boiled. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5683 I don't care what any psychic says: I am not going to have a great fall. 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
5684 And I was the pale yellow egg! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5685 They put me on the “recovered” list, but there are definitely some lasting effects. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5686 Make it a double. All the King's horses really did a hatchet job on me. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5687 I gotta pull myself together. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5688 Well, my friend, this is still sort-of/maybe more than a democracy in name only and we don't have King's Horses and we don't have King's Men and what good would they be anyway? No, I went to the ER and now I need a drink. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5689 Whoa there. I’m gonna have to cut you off, if you can’t keep it together there, buddy!” 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5690 So, when Wall Street beckoned, I thought, "Why not." 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5691 Dealing with the insurance company has been the most painful. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5692 And, and, I was almost over Trump's wall, and then... 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5693 Every time some kids says that damn poem,I have have to fall off that wall. Give me stiff one. I need it! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5694 Hooves were not made for eggshells, no matter what king they belong to. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5695 Gimme a double shot of King’s Horses! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5696 I'm pretty sure it's fake news? 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5697 So, are you still out of hemlock? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5698 You wouldn't know it but I write children's books. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5699 Make it a double Harry. Being an egg-head in Trump country is no cake-walk. 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
5700 Use a real plastic surgeon, not the king's horses. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5701 Please not that. Last time I drank that I went driving and ended up like this. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5702 It was a great fall, but actually I was pushed off that wall. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5703 On the rocks, I guess. I dunno. My brain is scrambled. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5704 Make it a double. I'm cooked. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
5705 Please, make it strong, I had a great fall 1.1613 0.04660 93 80 9 2
5706 I swear the job description said I'd have a "great wall." 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
5707 They'll be singing about my fall for generations to come. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
5708 Worcester sauce and vinegar, with salt and pepper and a dash of tomato juice. In a tub. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
5709 I need my own autonomous zone. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5710 Let me get an ‘All the King’s Horses’ with an ‘All the King’s Men’ chaser. 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
5711 White omelets? I just lost it 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
5712 I’d think about laying low for the next six months. 2020 takes no prisoners, friend. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5713 Where's my egg white privilege now? 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5714 On the house, you look broken 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5715 Listen I know it’s been a rough day, but you gotta wear the mask when you come in 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5716 You should see the guy that pushed me off the wall. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5717 But it was all the king's horses and all the king's men did this to me! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5718 Not strong. I'm already tipsy. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
5719 A Roy Rogers? Could you make it a Humpty Dumpty instead? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5720 They snuck up and cracked me right in the head. I always thought I was pretty hard-boiled, but turns out the yolk was on them. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5721 They're just building un-sittable walls nowadays. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5722 But will it help to put me together again? 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
5723 Who knew wall sitting was so dangerous? 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5724 I don't get it! Some of my best friends are brown eggs! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5725 Hit by the second wave. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5726 I'm definitely gonna sue. No way was that wall built to code! And those EMTs! There I am on the ground surrounded by a bunch of cockamamie guys on horses! 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
5727 You know who paid for that wall??? I did! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5728 YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS BUT I USED TO BE CALLED A GOOD EGG! PLEASE MAKE IT A DOUBLE, HUH 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5729 Let me tell you, you do not want the king's horses running the ER when you're trying to pull yourself together! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5730 Don't expect King's Horses whiskey to help very much. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
5731 The pushy king has a thing about people looking down on him. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
5732 The Horses were the worst part 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
5733 I found that his wall had no base of support. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
5734 The priest, the rabbi, and the imam walked into the bar today again... 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5735 Have you heard about the one where an egg walks into a bar? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5736 Let me tell you, no one should be looking forward to the fall this year. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5737 I missed the pandemic and the murder hornets but when I fell off the wall that was a whole different matter 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5738 make it a double 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5739 Fell asleep in the drive thru again huh? Well this one is on the house. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5740 Drinking always seems to crack me up. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5741 Off the wagon and off the wall, or is it the other way around? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5742 It’s been a rough few months, but I’ll take it to go. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5743 Don't bother, it'll just spill through the cracks anyways 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5744 You got anything stronger? 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5745 Whiskey sour, hold the sour 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5746 Spirits for the Cracked. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5747 Put it on the All The Kings’ Men tab would you. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5748 I got stood up, and it only takes me one bruised eggos for me to really break down. I am not the hard boiled boss I make my self out to. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5749 These cops are really cracking me up! 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5750 I can't believe that it's almost August already. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5751 Let’s try that again, but this time without the egg white! 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5752 That was quite a fall" 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5753 Someone saw me on the wall and called all the king’s men to serve and protect me 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5754 you crack me up Sam 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5755 A single or double this time? 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5756 Oh yeah, sure, I had a great fall… But this spring has just been murder 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5757 Did you go to bartending school? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5758 defundallthekingshorsesandallthekingsmen” (and expand funding for social services 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5759 ‘What have you got to lose?’ he said. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5760 Humpty- Dumpty had a great DRINK and it made the fall worth it! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5761 Make it a double. I want to have a great fall but this spring nearly killed me. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5762 Ya know, I never set out to be an egg, but the world changes you. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5763 Make it stiffer than my shell. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5764 And then I said: eggs get laid, you don’t. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5765 Hey. Don't worry about it. I am living up to expectations. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5766 Only the bottle can put me back together this time 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5767 I’ll tell you Joe - the high life truly ain’t what it’s all cracked up to be 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5768 I have a dream that one day, walls will designed for eggs, butter, and all dairy to sit safely, side by side. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5769 No matter what happens, all the King's horses and all the King's men just can't seem to put me back together again 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5770 Maybe the booth next time, should be safer... 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5771 How was this year for me?, Well, Spring, Summer and Winter weren't much. But hey, at least I had a great fall" 1.1556 0.04001 90 79 9 2
5772 I just need to lower my eggspectations when it comes to flattening the curve. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5773 : I’ve fallen off the wagon as well as the wall 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5774 No one has a camera so this is my only shot. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5775 Went to a job interview for an omelette position and they cracked me up to see how much experience I have. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5776 And I thought spring and summer were bad... 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5777 It’s getting harder to put myself back together again 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5778 Sorry, not sure I understand. *Am* I a pickled egg or do I *want* one? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5779 And the guy said, "You can't make an omelette." 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5780 Don’t try to crack me up. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5781 Don’t be a jerk. One more egg cream, then cut me off. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5782 I will never financially recover from this 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5783 With how long it’s taking him to build this wall, I’ll be flat-out yolk before the year is out. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5784 Egghausted, but still going. How it feels to be a New Yorker right now. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5785 I had to scramble to be here on time and ran into a hard boiled personality on the way. Give me a drink- over easy please 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5786 ‘Realy? a whisky sour? Don’t you think I’ve been through enough today?’ 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5787 Egg”actly what I was thinking...There is no Free Range 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5788 I fell off a wall, make it a tall 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5789 Here ya go, buddy. This stuff is stronger than all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5790 Well, I thought it would be the end of me, but here I am. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5791 So I reckon things didn’t go over easy? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5792 And you thought that only the homo sapiens have had it rough in 2020... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5793 That’s what I get for calling for help. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5794 Hey what's crackin' 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5795 I thought you were a hard boiled egg. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5796 I was suppose to meet with North Korea, but they blew me off 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5797 It was only a matter of time until he blamed you for the wall idea. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5798 Is that medicine? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5799 I hope Biden’s horses and men could pull it off... 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5800 This is what a wall will get ya. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5801 And then all the King's men beat the hell out of me. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5802 Whiskey sour. Hold the egg. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5803 Trump's new wall, huh ? This one's on me..... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5804 Crawling the walls at home is cracking me up. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5805 I was lucky- it could have turned out much worse. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5806 Yes, I’ve heard the one that starts with ‘Humpty Dumpty walked into a bar’ 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5807 Great” in the sense of magnitude I suppose.. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5808 You think this is bad, you should have seen my cousin Humpty. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5809 Please, not the eggnog! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5810 Let's try the next one without the rocks. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5811 By the way, my name is Lucky. Cheers! 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5812 Last I remember, I was sitting on a wall... 1.1556 0.04154 90 76 12 1
5813 I don't think this habit is helping. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5814 Oh, it's just your classic egg meets girl, egg tries to impress girl by sitting on wall, egg loses girl story. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5815 I bet you've heard a lots of cracked eggs jokes. But, here goes. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5816 Make it double, I am hurting. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5817 I blame the wall. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5818 Really? A Harvey Wallbager! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5819 Could you make that a double? I'm poached.... 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5820 Oh, no thanks. I said wall not wagon. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5821 Women. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5822 Yeah, I was just sitting on this wall and the next thing you know.... 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5823 It was not the wall as much as the people who love hard boiled eggs! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5824 Being stuck in a coop all day isn‘t all that its cracked up to be! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5825 Could you make it a double? I’ve had a great fall. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5826 Make it strong, I need something to put myself back together again. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5827 I'm sure you've heard this story before... 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5828 Yeah that’s right I’m the bad egg you’ve been hearing about, now pour. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5829 Make it a triple Joe... Every time those darn kids sang that song... I'd end up on the ground 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5830 Here's a glass of something I'm calling "Better than All the King's Horses and All the King's Men." 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5831 The king and his troops couldn't help. My neighbor's a retired nurse. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5832 Ramos fizz....hold the egg 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5833 Glad you’re open. We can’t stop living our lives, after all. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5834 My insurance only covered all the king's horses 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5835 Maybe you stop trying so hard to being a good egg. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5836 She was gorgeous, sexy, everything I wanted in a woman......then in the morning, at breakfast, she went psycho and tried to bash my head” 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5837 Why did the chicken cross the road?!? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5838 I’m telling ya, I must have sat on that wall a million times with no problem... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5839 I think I'd rather have an egg cream. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5840 So all the King's horses and the men too.......well, they just buggered off and left me, didn't they?! I even had to pay for the ambulance! 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5841 That's health insurance. Pay peanuts, get horses... 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5842 My brain feels really scrambled after that fall. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5843 All the king's horsemen? Hell no! It was Jack and Jill's GP who put me together again. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5844 Tell me, have you ever felt scrambled ? 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5845 Of course it's perfectly okay to do anything absolutely stupid just as long as you're wearing the American flag. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5846 It wasn't the great fall so much as all the King's horses and men! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5847 I just fell off the wagon - thanks for asking! 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5848 Humpty Dumpty admits to his bartender that we’ve had a rough spring and summer, but he’s looking forward to a “Great Fall” 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5849 He had solved his first case, but was unsure if he was cut out to be a hard boiled detective 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5850 But the worst part was I fell off the damn wall but on the wrong side - I was still in the US. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5851 The wife caught me eyeballin' a slab of bacon. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5852 Oeuf! Omelette you pour. I feel like an eggplant scramble. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5853 You don't get it. It was all the kings horses and all the kings men who *did* it. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5854 I’d like to buy a round for all the Kings men. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5855 maybe just an egg cream 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5856 Humpty Dumpty cracked his head, Humpty Dumpty is SO ready for red! 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5857 No, no! Not another Wallbanger. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5858 ...but it' "...but its that first 12 minutes, I don't want to repeat. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5859 '" No, I don't want a flippin egg nog and yes, I got beaten up by a hot chick" 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5860 The King's men were OK, but the King's horses... 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5861 No thanks. I'll take and egg cream soda. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5862 Finally called a doctor... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5863 I wish they had left me on the ground to fry. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5864 Instagram is overrated. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5865 I know it's a hangover cure...but no egg. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5866 All I did was ask for a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5867 Add a couple of Advils to that Shirley Temple." 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5868 With this large head of mine, people keep trying to hard boil me! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5869 ...and then all the king’s men came to help! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5870 make it a double. I'm scrambled! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5871 A worthy try, Humpty. But I got a guy...puts the King's horses and the King's men to shame! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5872 Some prankster greased the wall 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5873 That’s just a fairy tale. I got these injuries because the twelve us are just cramped in together. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5874 I told him to stay off that wall. But NO! And he falls off right on my head! 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5875 That the last time I accept a brunch invite. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5876 It's all fun and games until they want to make an omelette 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5877 Just don't make it an egg nog. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5878 Just one more; I've got a huge deductible to pay. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5879 Turns out, my dream job isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5880 They thought I was Trumpty Dumpy. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5881 ................ the fall was OK, but all the King’s horses and all the King’s men gassed me and beat the crap out of me. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5882 Sorry you had such a lousy summer, but don't worry, I've got a felling you're gonna have a great fall! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5883 Do you carry Advil, by any chance? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5884 Sure. I've already fallen off the wagon. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5885 I thought the Government was gonna Protect the Wall 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5886 Working on the wall is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5887 This drink isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1556 0.03676 90 78 11 1
5888 Trust me, I wasn't drinking that last time 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5889 I'm just going to have to find myself a better wall. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5890 It’s rough out there... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5891 I would have been fine if Trump had not limited my Obamacare coverage 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5892 All the kings horses and all the kings men woudn't even come near me. I wore no mask. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5893 And that’s the other reason I didn’t want to build the wall. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5894 Relationships ... they aren’t what they are cracked up to be 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5895 All the King's Horsemen and All the King's Men? They're probably in the bar down the street. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5896 I was relaxing against the city wall when all of a sudden all the king’s horses and all the king’s men came charging around the corner. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5897 I have to stop going to the Black Lives Matter protests. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5898 Easy on that bartender, I don't want to have to be put back together again! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5899 A king would have sent horses and men not tanks and soldiers 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5900 To be 100% honest, the fall was not that great. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5901 I just can’t get myself together again 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5902 I don't get it . .All I said was I don't go for the hard boiled type . . 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5903 I really need to put my life together again. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5904 Why would anyone sit on a wall? It's my wife - she beats me. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5905 "Before last night, I always thought 'an egg in your beer' was just a metaphor." 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5906 Is it 2021 yet?!? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5907 You don’t say... 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5908 It wasn't a great spring, and it's not shaping up to be such a great summer, but I'm hoping things will be great again in September. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5909 Put me together again? It was all the king’s horses and all the king’s men who did this to me at the protest... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5910 Is this the same drink you gave me last time? 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5911 Thanks, but just a virgin Harvey Wallbanger this morning. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5912 Got anything for an eggseptional headache? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5913 The damn horses 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5914 The King's men gave it a shot but his horses acted like they couldn't care less. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5915 -It doesn't matter which side you choose, in both, you receive the blow 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5916 This will definitely take the edge off after any great fall. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5917 You're still a good egg. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5918 Whiskey sour, skip the egg whites - I'm already having a bad day. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 11 1
5919 That WALL Street is a bitch.. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5920 Trump's two-bit wall collapsed right out from under me! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5921 I mean, who really has it together anyway? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5922 You know, everyone believes in fake news these days. Why would I be clumsy enough to fall on my own? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5923 And then the King said,"ALL my horses and men? In this economy?" 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5924 Oh, yeah, that was my cousin, Humpty, who died. This is just from my most recent base-jumping excursion. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5925 The moment that first horse couldn't fix me, I knew all hope was lost. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5926 Fall off the wagon this time? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5927 The sky fell,Henny-Penny,and I'm cracked up again! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5928 I counted on the mobs in Tulsa to break my fall from the stands. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5929 Sorry but if you think your fall was bad , let me tell you about mine! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5930 Your joke about the presidential candidates cracked me up. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
5931 I dunno, Lou. They didn't tell me why they sent horses to put me back together. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5932 Neat, please. I've had enough on the rocks. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5933 I say screw the king’ horses and men! Give me the ACA. Rebecca Hawkins 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5934 No. Just his stunt double.... make that a double-double. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5935 Would you start a tab for me? Parscales.......Brad Parscales. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5936 I'm tellin' ya Karl, all the King's men had their hands full. but when the horses got involved, I knew I should have called Faberge. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5937 So, I'm just sitting there on the wall, with my BLM sign and WTF? Along comes William Barr ! And next thing I know, I have a knee on my neck !! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5938 This isn’t one of my usual issues, this ones eggistential 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5939 All the king's horses -- I'm guessing that was the king's genius idea. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5940 There’s nothing worse than a tough breakup! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5941 Make sure you hold the egg on that Pisco Sour... 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5942 Make it a single, please, I'm broke. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5943 We charged and the last thing I saw was Humpty, scaling the wall. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5944 I wanna know who pushed me! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5945 A stiff drink will unscramble you in no time! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5946 I need a pick-me-up. Is this on the President's list of COVID-19 treatments? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5947 I tell you Bob, I had such a great fall. I fell off the wagon. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5948 Don't give me any more of that; I just spilled my guts. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5949 No, no. No refill, please, my head is already scrambled as it is. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
5950 It might go right through me. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5951 Wall Street is brutal ! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5952 Took one hell of a fall from the high border wall. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5953 Your jokes really crack me up, Fred. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5954 The fall was bad but Spring hasn't been great either. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5955 Make that a double, I’ve had a great fall. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5956 Anything but vodka and orange juice. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5957 And here I thought he was a good egg 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5958 Falling off this bar stool was even worse than falling off that wall. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5959 These falls are really starting to get to my head. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5960 Do you see a crack in that glass or is it just me? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5961 One for each of the king's horses, and one for each of the king's men. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5962 Ihad a GREAT fall, but this spring was nothing to write home about. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5963 Geez, sounds like a tough break, man. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5964 No, just whole milk please. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5965 Sorry we don't serve breakfast after eleven. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5966 Just water, I'm the designated fryer. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5967 Were you the one warning me about the wall? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
5968 So a wall walks into a bar... 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5969 Plus it turns out my health insurance doesn't cover surgery by horses. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5970 It's exactly what it's cracked up to be. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5971 The cop kept talking about omelets. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
5972 Well today was a doozy. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
5973 Um, no, not a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5974 Who’da thunk Trump was right about that ramp being slippery. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5975 That's stirred not shaken. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
5976 It was the most beautiful wall I’ve ever seen 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5977 Help build a wall they said. It’s a good idea they said... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5978 Not sure what happened. Last thing I remember is that I was having a great autumn... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5979 She really had a crush on me man... 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
5980 No thank you, I’m trying to avoid the hard stuff. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5981 All the King’s horses, and all the King’s men mistook Humpty Dumpty for someone else they thought robbed a QuikEMart 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5982 Don’t ask, just pour. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5983 It really made me take stock of my life. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
5984 This Easter has been rough man! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
5985 When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, Or even your year 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5986 Time for a break, eh? 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5987 Better make it a double, they put me on hold. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
5988 The humps and dumps are just getting out of control, Ed. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5989 Like legend once said ~ Profane but also Profound! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5990 The best way to get a guy in New York? Fall off a wall 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
5991 Life really is not all it’s cracked up to be 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5992 The insurance company says I’m egg-aggerating 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5993 You need me on that wall 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
5994 Well, I thought she was just frisky and then she started cracking me upside the head... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5995 Oh yeah, how high was the wall? Not much more than this barstool. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5996 When you climb out of the jar for the first time post quarantine 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5997 A glass half full for me and a glass half empty for the king's men, please. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
5998 So, why the cracked face? 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
5999 I keep on taking the fall for the king, the king's horses, and all the king's men. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6000 '... and it was yolk all over the place... no, no, the bird is fine' 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6001 Fall hasn’t even happened yet and look at me. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6002 Oh that? I was just sitting on a wagon. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6003 There's a straw out there breaking everything, I can't take another one! 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6004 According to the King’s men, it was Antifa. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6005 Buddy, It’s time to lay off the crack. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6006 2019 was really rough on me. Here’s to hoping 2020 is much better! 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6007 You ever sat on a wall, had a great fall then assumed incorrectly that all the king’s horses and men could put you back together? It’s been one of those days. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6008 Turns out that wall is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6009 I am at my breaking point 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6010 ...and that’s how I got into the S&M industry. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6011 Atleast there's alcohol! . 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6012 Forget the king’s horseman, this will do the trick. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6013 Beaten but not scrambled in 2020 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6014 - So, did someone crack you?? Have a drink! 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6015 I should have sat on the fence instead. 1.1494 0.05047 87 78 5 4
6016 An Amoretto Sour please, cage free eggs if you have em 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6017 They are breaking down all the walls, my time is over. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6018 I'm afraid government agencies personnel of a democracy aren't any better than the king's men, Mr.Dumpty 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6019 That’s the last time I celebrate greek Easter 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6020 That skit about “building a wall” always cracks me up. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6021 It’s quite fantastic to be put back together so many times after so many falls. How’s my tab? 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6022 Post Kentucky poll visit 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6023 Promise you said last call not fall” 1.1494 0.05047 87 78 5 4
6024 You think you're funny cracking jokes, just wait to see your tip.. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6025 I should’ve never listened to Parscale. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6026 All the Kings Horses?!” That won’t do at all! Whelp, make it a double at least 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6027 I said ALL the King's whiskey. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6028 I tell ya man, all the king's men need to know that egg lives matter. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6029 Poached? No, I’m going to need more of the harder stuff. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6030 I think that settles it. The chicken came first. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6031 Same thing happened to me when I wore a “MAGA” hat! Here you’ll need this! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6032 ...so then this guy comes out of nowhere and hits me on the head with a frying pan! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6033 I’m getting tired of beating my head against that wall; next time, I’m going to try climbing over it. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6034 'Set 'em Joe. Sure I looked stunned, dazed, even fractured~but this won't stop me~so down the hole, and you'll see...I'm still whole" 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6035 I had a bad fall, but this summer is looking even worse. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6036 First the wall, then the wagon...it’s been a year 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6037 ... Worried about Fall of 2020. 🍁 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6038 they said a great fall, but I still wasn’t prepared for 2020 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6039 2020 has me feeling like a shell of the person I used to be. Maybe I need a life poach... 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6040 with crushed ice, but please ... don’t bang the bag 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6041 I really don’t want to be defined by that nursery rhyme but perhaps parkour was a mistake. 1.1494 0.05047 87 78 5 4
6042 You sure you don't want a chair with a back? 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6043 Please not on the rocks. I've had enough of that today.. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6044 Next time, I’ll skip the free fall part of the performance. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6045 It’s so strange; I dreamt about Trump tonight and I woke up with shell shock. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6046 All the bartenders and all the cocktails, couldn’t put Humpty together again 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6047 I learnt this during the 2020 apocalypse scare, trust me, it's the only thing that helps 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6048 Next time I’m letting the chicken go first, if they want to cross the road in Manhattan. . 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6049 My lawyer keeps calling me an eggshell plaintiff, which feels a little too on the nose. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6050 Turns out Walls aren’t what their cracked up to be. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6051 Not what I expected when you said the joke made you crack up. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6052 The yolk writes itself. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6053 If Melania calls, tell her I'm not here 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6054 This is the thanks I get for supporting the President's Wall!? 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6055 " Had a great fall?" I was pushed! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6056 Turns out horses don’t make very good nurses. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6057 Pour me another. I hurt like a deviled egg. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6058 Make it a double. It’s been one shell of a week. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6059 I fell off the wagon and then fell off the wall 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6060 Everybody's walking on me lately 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6061 I dunno, I guess all the king's men did the best they could. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6062 I had a great fall, but sadly it ended due to a hard breakup. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6063 Only one this time, look what happened to me last time! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6064 Harvey Wallbanger again, I see sir. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6065 My Eggsit strategy failed ... 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6066 Make it a double my brain is really scrambled. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6067 We should never have built that wall. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6068 In for a penny, in for a pound. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6069 The wagon was higher than expected. AND I was wearing glasses. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6070 Pisco Sour no egg - courtesy of the King’s horses 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6071 Have you heard the one about the egg sitting on a barstool? 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6072 Next time, I might not be so lucky. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6073 I tell ya—I'm a survivor. What’s kept me together all this time is EXACTLY that I was hard-boiled at an early age. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6074 I'm feeling more dumpty than humpty. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6075 2020 has finally cracked me. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6076 Coktail nog for hair of the dog? That's a rum deal AND cannibalism. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6077 Whatever you've heard, it's brutal on the free range. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6078 Seen Jack and Jill? 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6079 Frankly, I just wish all the king's horses and all the king's men had just left me there to die. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6080 To hell with All the King's Horses. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6081 Make that a stiff eggnog to unscramble my brains 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6082 Had a great fall – winter's not looking too good. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6083 No thanks. If I drink that, I'll blow up. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6084 I’ve been scrambling all day. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6085 I thought last night was your great fall too. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6086 Careful, there’s no back on that stool. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6087 ...then I said, ‘What kind of idiot sends his horses to do the job of a surgeon anyways?!’ 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6088 I used to be a Broadway actor, but then someone mistakenly said "Break an egg." instead of "Break a leg." 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6089 It all started with a bazooka shot. Then, ever after. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6090 She keeps trying to break through my shell. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6091 Make it a double, I had a big fall". Jake Ashburn, Columbus, Ohio 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6092 Every time they want to make an omelet, they come looking for me. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6093 Calling me "a dime-a-dozen," that's what really hurts! 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6094 Make it a single. The double almost killed me. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6095 Can you believe it was 8 minutes and 45 seconds til they realized that I wasn’t Black? 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6096 Everything was fine until the king’s horses tried to put me back together. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6097 And thanks nor not bringing up the part about all the king's horses and men. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6098 I don't know, but he said it is a cure all. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6099 It’s like he’s never even heard of character arc. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6100 Damn Wall's too high. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6101 No, I didn't fall off the WAGON! 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6102 Swap out the seltzers for a jigger of white glue and a dash of epoxy. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6103 You know Mike, being put back together ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6104 I just wish people would stop walking on eggshells... 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6105 So much for all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6106 Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool -leave the bottle Jim, 2020's been cruel. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6107 Buddy, please don't crack any yolks tonight. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6108 A fresh gin fizz is worth the headache. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6109 Damn wall! And those inept horses and men!! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6110 I mean it, Jim, this time I'm not gonna drink and sit on a wall. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6111 If this is another one of those "An egg walks into a bar" jokes I hope you have a better punchline than the last egg that walked into this bar. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6112 All the King's Men and All the King's Horses, right? Man, I can't take any more tequila or vodka! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6113 Make it a double hydroxychloroquine, on the rocks 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6114 If only I hadn't fallen off the wagon. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6115 Here have this, its Kings Men Ale. Try and get yourself together again. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6116 Make it a double. Being a hardboiled egg ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6117 I really shouldn’t sit and drink 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6118 Let's face it, all the King's horses and all the King's men are lousy at cosmetic surgery. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6119 Breaking up was the easy part 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6120 I said I was anti-wall not antifa and this happened. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6121 Keep 'em coming, I about to get pickled. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6122 Make it dirty. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6123 . . and then she called me chicken. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6124 Yes, I had a great fall. But this spring has not been so good. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6125 Got milk? 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6126 So this beat up egg walks into a bar and... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6127 These new offshore banking regulations are hell for us shell companies! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6128 So, Joe, I have this dream every night, that I climb onto a wall. When I wake up in the morning I'm always on the floor. It sure is scrambling up my life. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6129 Yeah, the singles life- is not what it’s cracked up to be 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6130 When I suggested an anarcho-syndicalist approach would better serve the people, he said if the monarchy wasn't good enough for me, I could just stay cracked. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6131 Oh, you've heard this one before, but this time it was no yolk. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6132 That chick will crack you up," they said 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6133 Make it a double…I'd rather fall off a wall than hear “clear the square!" 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6134 Please don’t tell me you’re making a Prairie Oyster. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6135 I'd rather have an egg nog. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6136 This Nursery Rhyme Business ain't what it's cracked up to be 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6137 I already fell of the wall - guess the wagon was inevitable. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6138 Stop it, you’re cracking me up! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6139 all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't past the gate at Chop 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6140 Summer was fine, then I had a great fall 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6141 And then the King's men came but they also didn't have any glue. Make it a double. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6142 It’s that damn new wall. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6143 This is the third time I’ve been beaten up this year!! I can’t understa....HEY!!! I SAID HENNESSY YOU ASSHOLE!!! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6144 Just not the Pisco Sour. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6145 All the King's men and all the King's horses were supposed to meet me here. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6146 There were chants about a wall and then they started calling me Trumpty Dumpty and that's all I remember. 1.1494 0.05305 87 79 3 5
6147 "Yea, you could say I've had a tough day! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6148 So then all the king’s horses and all the king’s men denied my claim and now I have to start a GoFundMe to pay my medical bill. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6149 So then I discover the Wonderland Hospital doesn't accept Medicare! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6150 Slightly higher wall and I would have egg nog or pisco sour. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6151 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men Couldn’t pour me a bottle of gin. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6152 All the King’s men are right behind me. How’d you know that? 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6153 Just gimme a stiff humpty-dumpty on the rocks. And no wisecracks! 1.1494 0.03666 87 76 10 1
6154 They told me I should sit on the wall. Everyone loves the wall they said. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6155 Just stay off the egg white cocktails please 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6156 Sam, you crack me up. I fell off the wall, not off the wagon. Put a little rum in that egg-nog. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6157 I fell off the wall as well as off the wagon 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6158 The fall wasn't that bad. It was the "King's Horses" Paramedics, who showed up first. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6159 I'm hoping a gin and tonic will help fix what all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6160 I shouldn't have gotten so steamed, but he kept egging me on. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6161 Whew! While Trump, Pompeo and Barr were trying to put my cousin Humpty back together, I made a clean getaway. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6162 Right now, I can't think of anything worse than that bacon flavored schnapps you're pouring. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6163 This is what happens when you wander too far from the carton. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6164 Make me a scotched egg. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6165 Wednesday is NOT humpty day. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6166 What I don't want is any of your old yolk jokes! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6167 The King only sent swaybacks and drunks! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6168 That is definitely the last time I sit on a wall. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6169 No, no, no - he fell off a barstool, not a wall. Trust me. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6170 Never mind fall. It's been a really rough spring. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6171 After this spring, I'm actually looking forward to a great fall. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6172 I can't believe they spiked it... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6173 They call it shell shock...I can still see the soldiers bearing down on me. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6174 First the wagon. Then a wall. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6175 Word of advice: Don’t call King’s Ambulance Service’ if you have a medical emergency. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6176 Make it a double, Mac. I just lost my partner - a soft boiled PI. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6177 The worst thing was being fat-shamed by all the King's Men. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6178 My brain feels like scrambled eggs. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6179 Sir um are you sure you want a creme egg shot. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6180 No, I just called EMS, those king's horses and king's men were totally worthless. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6181 I just had a great fall. That better be a great drink... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6182 No! I didn’t fall off the wagon I fell off the wall Now, hit me again 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6183 Maybe the WWE is not the best option for you 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6184 I’ve had a great fall, make it a double... 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6185 I think rolling to another country will save me! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6186 Something strong, Sam, I'm feeling down in the Dumpties. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6187 The fake media called it a great fall. It was the greatest, most spectacular fall of all times! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6188 I sat on Trump’s wall 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6189 Off the wall, off the wagon, I always say. 1.1494 0.04178 87 74 11 1
6190 If you ever need to be put together again, insist on the King's MEN. The King's Horses are all hooves. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6191 I thought my great fall was bad but I didnI didna-ba67-a1b03e94b48f%22%2C%22TDID_LOOKUP%22%3A%22FALSE%22%2C%22TDID_CREATED_AT%22%3A%222020-06-23T21%3A51%3A33%22 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6192 That's when the beating started. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6193 It wasn't wall. It was a fence with Susan Collins. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6194 Whose idea was it to build a higher wall? 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6195 I think I have a bit too much bleach 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6196 A stiff drink always helps me come out of my shell. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6197 Yes, I know what Advocatt is made of. Just let me drink in peace. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6198 its tough being humpty dumpty's stand in 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6199 You should put seat belts on your bar stools. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6200 No, I do not want a harvey wallbanger. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6201 Well, it can't be any worse than all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6202 I hope you are not planning to name that a Humpty Wall Faller 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6203 That was last time. This time it was the wagon. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6204 Well Joe, I found the wall 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6205 I didn't fall. The King's men pushed me. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6206 I'm drinking to forget. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6207 a shot of crazy glue on the side please 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6208 They’ll never beat my spirit. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6209 Better make that gin. Anything else and someone will try to turn me into eggnog - again. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6210 That was not over easy! 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6211 Back together again? Are you kidding? It was the King’s horses and men that did this in the first place. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6212 I stopped in for a few before the wall. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6213 I know, it's what I get for being so thin-shelled. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6214 The fall was bad, but I've never seen anything like this spring. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6215 I'm just not myself anymore. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6216 ...they arrested the brown guy. Accused him of poaching. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6217 It isn’t great, but it’s the best that “All the King’s Men “ could do. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6218 You ever been scrambled by all the king's horses? Neither had I 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6219 When they asked my name at BOK, they thought I said “Dump Ye Trumpy”! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6220 I think my brains are scrambled 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6221 Trust me, I'll be fine. I've hit bottom before. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6222 It was the horses that really did me in. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6223 I should’a seen it coming 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6224 No rocks. Luckily, just on the grass. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6225 That's what I'm trying to say; I'm not hard headed 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6226 I've big fallen on hard times. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6227 I’m here to retire to your pickled eggs jar, please. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6228 Just a splash, Slim. I guess I ain't feelin' all that hard boiled. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6229 Let's hope a good stiff drink can do what all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6230 Winter, spring, and summer were OK, but I had a great fall! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6231 If the President makes me sit on THAT wall one more time I'm going to start drinking egg nogs. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6232 Life isn’t what it is cracked up to be” 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6233 I'd go to the ER, but I can't afford the deductible. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6234 ...if the falling off the wall wasn't already bad enough, my insurance would only cover treatment options performed by horses. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6235 I sure hope that you don’t serve eggnog here. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6236 Two shots of "All the King's Horses" and then an "All the Kings Men" with a twist. That should put me back together again. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6237 Then all the king's horses and all the king's men tried to reassemble me like an IKEA futon without the manual ... 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6238 It took them four years to build the wall and four minutes for me to fall off it. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6239 Is there such a things as whiskey over easy? 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6240 The king's men were okay, but the horses were murder! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6241 I, Andy Borowitz, will fight on, though legion forces seek to quash my righteous voice! But if I don't speak up and say the things that no one could think of, and that no one has the courage to speak, then who will? Oh, scrambled, not stirred. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
6242 You try falling off the wall and not falling off the wagon too 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6243 It started with a protest turned nasty — oy you got any regular chairs, it's a little scary up here. Being a minority without Constitutional protections is tough. I had a cousin they removed his yoke, torched him and made Crème brûlée, what a World 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6244 Yeah, yeah, I sit on the wall every day, and this happens every day. And no, I don't know why. Just pour, Ernie. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6245 A chicken tried to break in line ahead of me. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6246 Skip the Bloody Mary....just give me a beer. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6247 Why the hell would all the king's horses even get involved in putting me back together? 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6248 You bet I had egg on my face after last night. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6249 I thought you didn’t drink no more, you fall off the wagon?” “Something like that. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
6250 Humpty Dumpty doesn't believe me that I did not push him off the wall! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
6251 Anything but another Wallbanger. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
6252 Thank God it wasn't the Minneapolis police. 1.1494 0.05047 87 78 5 4
6253 Whoever suggested that wall is as cracked in the head as I am! 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
6254 Well, it turns out you CAN put me back together again. But the medical bills were atrocious, and the king's horses and men were useless. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
6255 So I met this guy named Alex who has a problem with eggiwegs... 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
6256 That's what I get for being pickled. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
6257 Gary's ServSafe course hadn't prepared him for this moment. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
6258 If I see you slipping any nutmeg into that rum I'm outta' here. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
6259 That's not a Pisco Sour, right? 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
6260 You should see the other egg head. He's not hard-boiled like me. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
6261 If you fell of that wall, you would need a stiff drink and an ice bag too! 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
6262 I wasn’t even put in one basket. 1.1412 0.03411 85 77 6 2
6263 Want ice? 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6264 they Humpty Dumped-me 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
6265 Scramble me a drink. I got beaten pretty badly. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
6266 And then I said to him, “I’ll go to the bar without a mask! I’m no chicken!” 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6267 Wasn’t eggxactly what I meant when I said “on the rocks” 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6268 I had a great Fall. Winter kicked my ass. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6269 I was improving until one of the king's horses stepped on me. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6270 All I said was, "Oeuf lives matter." 1.1412 0.05063 85 77 4 4
6271 That better not be a Harvey Wallbanger! 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
6272 No thanks. It’s time for me to hit the bricks. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6273 I was prepared for the wall. The horses and men took me by surprise. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
6274 I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I was fine until all the King’s horses and men showed up.” 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
6275 Don’t intend to sound hard-boiled about it all, but I just fell off a wall when I heard where stimulus money went. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
6276 I fell off the wagon and the wall this time. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
6277 I didn't fall out of the nest, I was pushed out! 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
6278 Whiskey Sour please... without the egg whites this time.. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6279 Please no London Dry, I don't want flashbacks. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6280 I just hope Mcgregor isn't around 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6281 All the King's Men? Were they wearing masks? Even so, doesn't seem that responsible. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6282 I really wish all the King’s men would stop letting all the King’s horses from helping” 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6283 It wasn’t the wall that got me, it was the lack of love that broke me 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6284 defund all the kings horses and all the kings men 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6285 Calcium on the rocks... On second thought, make it a double. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6286 Welcome to the “Spacetime Bar”. Eggcelent drinks on us if you’re dropping in from 2020. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6287 Wall? No, I’m a day trader. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6288 ...but you know Nancy, she insisted on the high deductible plan (leave the bottle)... 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6289 I am NOT the walrus. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6290 ‘I just thought about the world she would be hatching into.’ 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6291 Whatever you want, just not the Corona 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6292 And that’s when she humpty dumped me 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6293 You know, I used to hold a world record... 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6294 it’s over. she was tired of trying to fix me. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6295 No, I don’t want a flip. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6296 Did you know that all the King’s horses and all the King’s men are under strict quarantine? 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6297 My DNA says I'm 2% phoenix. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6298 The problem is not sitting and falling down. The problem is sitting, falling down and getting deported” 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6299 Thank goodness I didn’t let the ambulance take me to All The King’s Horses Hospital or All the King’s Men Medical Center. I heard so many bad things about those two places! I will only go to Cedars! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6300 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men will probably face a twitter backlash for putting me back together again. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6301 I'm kind of over self-care 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6302 Hello Mr. Fix-it-all! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6303 After ten years of sobriety old humpty couldn’t take it anymore. He’d finally cracked and was now a shell of the man he used to be. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6304 Just whiskey without the rocks please” 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6305 I need a new job, man. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6306 Yeah I've really gotta map out my protest strategy next time. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6307 Do you know how to fix a prairie oyster? 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6308 I knew that wall was a stupid idea” 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6309 Not only were the king’s horses barely qualified to perform the procedure, they tried to tell me this was a pre-existing condition! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6310 On top of that, now I’ve got this cough I can’t shake 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6311 I'm telling you, those guys were crazy about the wall 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6312 Been having myself a 2020 of a year; make it a double 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6313 It's been a hell of a week. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6314 Trumpty Dumpty" - Not having a good Fall.. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6315 Don’t bother cutting me off. I’ve already hit rock bottom. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6316 And then he said again that Mexico was going to pay for the wall 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6317 tried to stay on the fence, both sides decided to beat the cr*p outta me 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6318 Eggcelsior!, they say. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6319 All the kings horses and all the kings men did this... they didn’t put me back together again... 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6320 Being a historical monument ain’t easy these days! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6321 Anything to help my great fall? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6322 Come November 2020 trumpy dumpy will fall off the wall and no Barman can put him together again.... 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6323 I can make you that whiskey sour but I’m all out of egg whites... 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6324 I don't know who swung first, me or that chicken 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6325 Hey man..Can I get an eggnog?..I guess life's not a holiday! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6326 Does this have egg-whites in it? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6327 You finally cracked, eh? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6328 He just wouldn’t Leggo My Eggo. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6329 I thought a democracy would be safer. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6330 You know, politics wasn't all it was cracked up to be. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6331 Some king...what makes you think he can handle a pandemic, protest, and a recession? Trust me, he can’t even put an egg back together. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6332 Well; I am broken, you are broke. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6333 Harvey Wallbanger, please—make it a double. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6334 I would have been all over the stage in arena if it wasn't for k-Pop. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6335 No drink can fix this. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6336 And then they sent in all the horses... 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6337 Here comes the cavalry!” they said. “Here comes the cavalry! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6338 I had a great fall. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6339 Oooh!! And once again a holding mind falls for an unfaithful heart 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6340 Hit me." "Again? Jesus, Joe. You're getting the seat all wet. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6341 I can't tell you how tired I am of all of Trump's men trying to put me back together again 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6342 I tried to tell them we weren't related. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6343 No, I'm not him. But that explains what the horses just tried to do to me. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6344 Those brown eggs are deviled. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6345 All the King's horses and all the King's men let me down. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6346 There has to be an easier way to make an omelet. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6347 Barkeep I'm a broken man 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6348 Better make it a double, Joe. there's no patching it up this time. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6349 No,it's 'don't cry over spilt milk' 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6350 I guess I egged him on too much. Can you serve that with two Eggcedrin please? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6351 I only hope that helps me hold it together! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6352 Three EMT's put me back together 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6353 The name is Omelette 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6354 The King’s men? worthless! and don’t get me started on the King’s horses...... 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6355 Now I know how Humpty Dumpty felt. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6356 It wasn't just all the king's horses and men who didn't do such a great job putting me together again. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6357 All the king’s vodka and all the king’s gin wouldn’t put me together again. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6358 It hurt, but they didn't get an omelet out of me. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6359 Why did you take me on your roof? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6360 No more of the top-shelf stuff for me. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6361 Shouldn't have cut through that damn cage-free egg zone. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6362 The worst part was the horse surgeons. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6363 Of all the places to put a wall. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6364 Make mine a double, I'ved had a bad day !! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6365 That wall is not what it's cracked up to be. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6366 I was in shape, but not in Parkour shape. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6367 Anything but a Harvey Wallbanger, Sid. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6368 ATHKAATHMAB (All the Kings horses and all the Kings men are bastards) 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6369 It wasn't such a great Fall after all. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6370 Boy, did I get the yolk beat out of me 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6371 So then I grabbed him by the collar and I said, listen up buddy. I may be ugly. I may be no-good. But I. Am. Not. Rotten. Yeah, uh, turns out he had some friends with him. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6372 I sat high on Wall St., until the fall of '08. Now look at me. Beaten! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6373 One more pothole and I would've been done for. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6374 You should see the other wall. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6375 They ended Obamacare and now "the little king" won't help me. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6376 No more, Phil. You've seen what happens when I have too much. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6377 ‘Give me a solid pour’! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6378 I can’t catch a break 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6379 Better make it a dozen 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6380 Yes, it is a goddamed racket when you stop to think, isn't it, man?But we might as well make the best of it, because-Well, you can't burn it all down, can you? There's too much steel and stone. There'd always be something left to start it going. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6381 Eggzactly, Just leave the bottle; ok Bartender, it was one of those days! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6382 I’m done with protests — it’s grim out there. One more “Wallbanger”...on the rocks. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6383 Extra egg white, please. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6384 Silly me, I thought it was safe to go out again when shelter-in-place ended. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6385 Easter...Why do you ask? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6386 Eggshell skull defense, you say? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6387 All the king's horses and all the king's men? This is what you get at the VA. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6388 I was sitting on the wall downing a fifth of Scotch. The next thing I knew, BAM, I was lying on the ground all cracked up. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6389 Talk about egg shell discrimination!! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6390 Make mine an eggnog. I need some comfort. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6391 The others all scrambled off. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6392 All the King’s Horses - on the rocks! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6393 Man, it's hard out there. I'm just about ready to crack. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6394 Mother had Battered chicken Syndrome 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6395 That's not a whiskey sour, is it? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6396 Give me another King's Men, Bob. I'm starting to feel a little better. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6397 I need one my wife Humpty Dumped-me 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6398 See, I was sitting on this wall... 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6399 You think this is bad? You should have seen the market in '08. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6400 I’ll take the ice on the side. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6401 Is 2020 almost over? Make it a double! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6402 A stool,I can handle.. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6403 Sounded like a no-brainer. Just build a wall. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6404 Yes, ALL the kings horses. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6405 Please, stirred, not shaken. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6406 I need an Elmer's on the rocks! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6407 The only reason I made it out in one piece is because they went after Lincoln, Washington, and Teddy Roosevelt. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6408 Anything but a drink on the rocks. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6409 He won’t serve me because he thinks I’m underage. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6410 All the king's horses and all the king's men? Should be defunded... 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6411 I survived Wall Street, but then got hit by a Tesla. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6412 The last thing I remember was seeing this big whisk, then nothing. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6413 Please, no tomato juice! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6414 Don't worry it's not Schnapps! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6415 A G&T, please but hold the G" 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6416 Better make it a double, Harry. I’m taking a beating with this egg-conomy... 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6417 Me?" "You should see the other guy, he's scrambled." 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6418 An eggnog, please, for my achin’ noggin’.” Robert Van Brocklin, Portland, Ore 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6419 So, as it turns out, they did put me together again. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6420 The king’s men ate worthless. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6421 Soon enough I'll be rolling on the floor. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6422 So I'm sitting there and some fat redheaded dude yells "hey get off my wall!" That's all I remember. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6423 Ready for a second round? 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6424 Spare me the king's horses and men. And just make it a triple, Moe. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6425 I fell off the wall now I’m off the wagon. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6426 I guess I'll have a Wallbanger. 1.1358 0.02326 81 72 9 0
6427 Honestly, all the kings horses just made things worse. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6428 All the King's horses and all the King's men were quarantined. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6429 Failing to honor Mr Dumpty's DNR, all the king's men did put Humpty back together again. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6430 Ma, I should have n3ver sat on that wall! 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6431 I AM DEFINITELY AGAINST THE BORDER WALL! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6432 He got my vote because he said the wall would be sturdy. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6433 Take it easy on that. In my condition, I can get pickled quickly. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6434 The queen's horses and the queen's men did a better job. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6435 Luckily, I was already hardened. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6436 Y'know, being his stunt egg ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6437 Screw the king, his horses, and his men—pour me strong one barkeep." 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6438 Maybe I am just a big baby. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6439 I would've been okay if it weren't for the King's damn horses. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6440 Trump said build it higher and look what happened 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6441 All I did was tell her I didn't want to be in her omelette. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6442 If you like I can crack an egg in it? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6443 Eggsactly, PR has fried, boiled, baked, scrambled, whipped, de-yolked, dehydrated me, and I've had it. Sir, my egg timer hath run its course. I'm all cracked up. This egg is done. I quit. I'll have more triple rum eggnog, please, eggscellent man. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6444 She was smaller than I, but had just completed a confidence building course. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6445 I had a great fall and now, I'm having a great gulp of gin. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6446 ...and then the king’s horses thought I was a soccer ball, while the king’s men ran around with bandaids and apologies. I hope I’m not headed to the big omelet skillet in the sky. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6447 Don’t mess with anybody named Tyson 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6448 Yeah but "Dem's the breaks" just doesn't cut it. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6449 It was on the southern border. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6450 Just leave the bottle...and say, do you have some aspirin and some glue? 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6451 Make that a double yolk, I fell off the border wall last night! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6452 I'm ready for the big breakfast burrito in the sky. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6453 Harvy Wallbanger? No thanks. Just had one. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6454 She was a freed slave who went on to be the face of the pancake syrup. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6455 Skip the horses if you ever need to be put back together again. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6456 I told you that wall was dangerous. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6457 Make it a double - I'm taking a real beating out there... 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6458 Only so many times an egg can be put back together, you know? 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6459 I'm hoping a stiff drink will help! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6460 They finally figured out how to put me back together but they gave me nothing for the pain. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6461 Is it organic? Sulfites give me a headache. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6462 He said he’d build me a wall, Then he said I wouldn’t fall! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6463 I just got laid...and a wall came tumbling down . 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6464 I wonder if the Mexicans will pay for this too? 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6465 The irony. I ordered the wall myself. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6466 Make it a double. Feels like the walls are closing in on me today. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6467 Well, my name is Economy. That one shot could be just the thing to fix me. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6468 ....I know, but a nice shot of vodka might help. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6469 I just question if sending in all the king's horses was a proportionate response. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6470 Offering eggnog is kinda insensitive, don't cha think? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6471 Right now, a bourbon neat would be eggcelent... 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6472 wow. a wall of protestors is a whole other kind of wall. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6473 Yeah, its egg money. So what of it? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6474 Do you want me to get a DWI on top of everything else? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6475 All the king's horses and all the king's men—on the rocks, please. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6476 I ran into a cranky eggbeater. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6477 The kings horses didn’t actually put anything together 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6478 As if I had anything to do with the damn border wall! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6479 I'm getting a big settlement from the king and can pay you then. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6480 Make it egg-stra strong!! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6481 Don't spare the booze. I can take it--I'm hard boiled. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6482 I found a pretty good doc. All the king's horses and all the king's men were dead useless! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6483 All the king's horses and all the king's men really had my back. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6484 Keep 'em coming, Stan. I can still smell the tear gas out there. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6485 King's horses? King's men? They crack me up. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6486 They said I wouldn't survive 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6487 Humpty got Dumpty by his health plan 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6488 Before you serve me, please, I need a shorter stool. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6489 Please no pickled eggs 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6490 I had a bad fall. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6491 Yeah, on the rocks again. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6492 Ok but can we dispense with the wisecrack about beating an egg? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6493 Neat of course. On the rocks is kind of insensitive to ask. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6494 Of all the cliches in all the world, why does everyone have to know what you need to do for an omelette? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6495 The hospital said I needed three pints of white. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6496 Diane humpty-dumped me. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6497 Just one more wall-sitting and that's it. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6498 Even my yolk hurts! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6499 He calls that a wall? 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6500 Forget about all the King's horses and all the King's men. Make that a double. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6501 I told you a cat would be much more fun than having a baby. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6502 All the king's horses and all the king's men shot rubber bullets and tear gas, then rushed Lafayette Square, so make it a double. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6503 I'm auditioned for a role on "Breaking Egg" with Bryan Cranston. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6504 If you opened earlier I could have spent the morning sitting here. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6505 All the King's horses and all the King's men tried to help. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6506 Don't ever go to an omelet convention. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6507 The worst I've gotten is Egg Noggin." 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6508 For the record, I was there first. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6509 Well aren't you a tough shell to crack! 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6510 Pour me a double. I am beginning to crack-up. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6511 So, first they let the horses have a go at it. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6512 Turns out, the wall belonged to a hedge fund manager. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6513 Not even a priest, minister, or rabbi could help me. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6514 Let me tell ya, I ain't having that great of a summer either! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6515 A King’s Horses, neat. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6516 Ahhhh! There are just too many walls in this world. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6517 I laughed at him and he just cracked me up. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6518 Try to get yourself together 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6519 .. and then the tear gas, the pepper bombs, the mounted police ... 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6520 The king's horses were actually a big help. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6521 Give me a "Horses Neck" I've had enough of the rest of those beasts. 1.1358 0.02915 81 73 7 1
6522 You make a mean Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6523 Stupid chicken crossed the road. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6524 All I remember is it was this hairy French guy in a chef's toque, and he kept saying "We make le omelet! We make le omelet!" and at one point he tackled me, and...I don't know why I'm telling you this, but anyway...I felt it. It was...he was aroused. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6525 Please don't say "On the rocks" 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6526 Eggactly.... 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6527 Humpty Dumpty needs a stiff drink to regain his thoughts. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6528 Just a quick pick-me-up, please. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6529 Never trust all the king’s horses or all the king’s men! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6530 All the king's men cared about was what kind of insurance I had. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6531 Better not. I already have a splitting headache. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
6532 And he kept screaming MORE ANTHRO MORE ANTHRO 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6533 I hit a new low in my life 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6534 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall And while none could put Humpty back together again, At least he always had alcohol! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6535 Ouch. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6536 Can you not use a tumbler? Too soon. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6537 I'll have a cracked eggnoggin spritz. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
6538 I didn't have a chance - too many horses and too many men. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
6539 People mistake me for having a hard shell. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6540 Make it a double, I took quite a shellacking. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
6541 So.... at the end who pay for the wall? 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6542 2020...it’s not all cracked up to be what I thought it would be. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6543 Well the hits keep coming, so keep the hits coming. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6544 This time I was on the wall reading IG political comments. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6545 Never fall in love. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6546 let me tell you, I’m such a crackhead sometimes 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6547 ‘So there I was minding my own business, sitting on this wall on the Mexican border when...’ 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6548 They said the border wall would be beautiful... 1.1282 0.04950 78 71 4 3
6549 Well, it feels even worse inside, Frank. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6550 you should have seen the other guy. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6551 And Mexico isn't even willing to pay for it 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6552 It’s been so long! I’ll have a flaming rum punch. Now be off with you lad. I’m trying to get my wings 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6553 The worst part was when they brought in the horses. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6554 Welcome to the Queen’s Men. What can I serve you? 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6555 I was just egg-cersising my right to free speech 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6556 So, I just told her she had a few quarantine pounds on her 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6557 So, she said I didn’t have it together and left. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6558 ‘...Humpty Dumpty picked himself up Humpty Dumpty went to the pub All the bar’s bourbon and all the bar’s sours Could put Humpty Dumpty together again (At least briefly)’. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6559 Well, it all started when Wall Street crashed... 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6560 This one’s on the House Boss 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6561 „Yolk!“ 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6562 And that’s why you have to understand - defunding the King’s men is really about reallocation. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6563 Better make it a stiff one, I’ve got a splitting headache. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6564 Luckily, I had just been in a hot tub. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6565 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men must have been here earlier. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6566 Can you fix me up with a drink? 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6567 It's a Frying Pan Out There! 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6568 So next time somebody asks you for that 'nog' thing, just leave me out of it okay? 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6569 They just kept putting me on that wall... 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6570 How did you guess? 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6571 I had a great fall, but this past winter and spring have been rough. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6572 He apologized but he still thinks he came first. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6573 I'm being baked. I'm being baked like a cake. I said, General, there's no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, General. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6574 They tried,but all the king's horses and all the king's men just couldn't get the yolk. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6575 Please No Cracked Ice 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6576 Gravity? What’s gravity? 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6577 Just Pour, that pavement almost fired me. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6578 That point you’ve hit rock bottomless mimosas. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6579 Someone egging you on, Phil? 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6580 The service here’s not all it’s cracked up to be... 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6581 OK....he said he'd 'build that wall!'...said Mexico would pay for it. Then it comes crashing down! I'm yelling 'Hey, where are all the King's Men?!' I got nothing! Nada! Nobody gives a CRAP about me!!...hit me again, double. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6582 What do you mean I'm cut off? I didn't fall. I was pushed! 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6583 One more round and I'll climb the Wall again" Mark Crowley, Naples,Fl 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6584 My doctor said to avoid walls so I tried a statue. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6585 Make it a double. Took 'em a while to figure out they couldn't use me to make a vaccine, and I'm ready to crack." 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6586 Some people just hit the wall . . . 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6587 The nursery books got it all wrong. There was no wall or king’s horses and men. The truth is I fell off the wagon. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6588 It happened again. Maybe I should stop drinking. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6589 I was sitting on the wall they built around the White House 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6590 Where was the pick -me -up when I really needed it? 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6591 Bad year for intellectuals. Just wanna get fried. 1.1282 0.04950 78 71 4 3
6592 I'm thinking of switching from wallbangers to eggnogs. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6593 And I thought protesting the wall was dangerous. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6594 It was all under control until the king's horses showed up. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6595 All the paramedics are busy with covid patients, no one cares about me anymore. THAT hurts more than the falls, honestly. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6596 I was only a little tispy.. really!! 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6597 Double dare he said, the wind pulls you back up to the 10th floor ledge; sure got fooled by Superman! 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6598 There goes cousin Fred. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6599 Sitting up on that wall all day isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6600 You sure that won't pickle me? 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6601 The king’s horses were no help at all! 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6602 Humpty" , I could accept, but "Dumpty" , went over the line 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6603 Susan Collins told me to lean slightly to the right. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6604 Has the chicken been in here yet? 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6605 I may be hard-boiled, but the other guy's brains are scrambled. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6606 Nah, that was just their cover story. Once they put me together again, I entered the witness protection pry. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6607 Well, all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t do it... 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6608 Election years amirite! 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6609 I hope that's the hair of the wall. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6610 Trump said leather shoes are A-O-K! 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6611 OMG, nothing with egg nog. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6612 ‘So how’s the omelette business?’ 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6613 What is it about Tuesdays? 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6614 I knew I had to sit upon a wall, but his wall? 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6615 We better call it, I already fell off a wall." 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6616 One more. 20 Feet higher. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6617 Walls are so over-rated! 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6618 I’ll just have the well whiskey this time. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6619 I had the world in a shell. I didn't know I was so fragile. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6620 Oh, this old screw? It's just a preexisting condition. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6621 She said I was a good egg. She meant for her Tom and Jerry. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6622 At least it wasn't Trump's wall. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6623 No, all the king's men tried already. So I'm hoping the King of Beers will help. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6624 Fell off the wagon pretty hard this time 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6625 Some people can't tell a wall from a pedestal. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6626 Over easy...very easy 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6627 Don’t ever tell a girl she has a face just like everybody else’s . . . 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6628 It was one of those...Who came first the chicken or the egg, contests.... still a draw ! 1.1282 0.04950 78 71 4 3
6629 I told Humpty it wasn't safe, but he just wouldn't listen ... 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6630 Thank god 2019 is over. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6631 It wasn't all the king's horses and all the king's men. It was their regimental surgeon. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6632 I can't help it if I was born white. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6633 It's been a lousy summer already. I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6634 Just a short one, Jack. I’m taking it over easy. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6635 so anyway I was doing ok until this stampede of horses came... 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
6636 I know it's barely summer, but I'm hoping for a great fall. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
6637 No thanks, I've already been on the rocks. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
6638 Oh, Mr. Humpty. Where do I begin. It started with my wife you see... 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
6639 I’m going public with my memoir so people finally understand the horrors of the border wall! 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
6640 Just keep pouring until I say un ouef. 1.1212 0.05071 66 60 4 2
6641 Everyone has socially distanced themselves from me for decades. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6642 My greatest regret is that they put me back together 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6643 Here, this’ll help put you back together. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6644 That wall had nothing on 2020. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6645 I shoulda warned you. Pride just left. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6646 Definitely stirred. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6647 I’ve had one or two hits but recently I fell off the charts 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6648 I am so hard to beat, aren’t I? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6649 still cis tho 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6650 It wasn’t even the fall that did the damage. It was the King’s horses and men. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6651 Oh, never mind me. But, has that Glass been properly Sanitized ? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6652 And I was like, Stephen, you know how I feel about walls. He didn't listen. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6653 I’ll have the usual- scrambled not stirred 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6654 the joke was on me 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6655 Hi Dave. I need you, I've hit rock bottom. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6656 Who knew saying 'goo goo g'joob' was a political statement? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6657 The news hasnt reported on the wall yet, right? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6658 I knew that border wall would cause problems. Will Mexico pay my hospital bill? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6659 This is nothing. You should see the other guys... 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6660 I don’t know why they had their horses involved 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6661 Are you sure that's organic? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6662 No wall high enough to keep me from getting on top of it. Again. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6663 Lots of walls these days but all the Kings horses and all the Kings men are no longer covered under Medicare 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6664 I wasn't supposed to be wounded but the wall was built so high. Can i get a wine? Thanks 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6665 I think it was the pressure. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6666 ‘The Great Fall Elixir 2020’ 1.1200 0.05008 75 69 3 3
6667 Please do not boiled the drink 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6668 It’s hard advocating for walls in today’s age, even harder when your middle name is ‘Trumpty’... 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6669 Rough night?" "Yeah, 2020 has been one hell of a night so far 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6670 I hear you, Humptey. 2020 am I right? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6671 This isn't what I had in mind when they said "free range." 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6672 The King’s men did this to you? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6673 Why does everyone keep calling me Humpty Dumpty? Not all of us eggs are one in the same! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6674 Today's Bar Special - Whiskey Sour!! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6675 So does college open in the fall? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6676 Cracking day out there. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6677 My therapist says I'm self destructive... 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6678 Did you try all the Queen’s horses and all the Queen’s men? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6679 My new insurance wouldn’t me choose my King’s horses and King’s men. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6680 She did what all the king’s men couldn’t, and I still managed to ruin it 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6681 They say I'm cracked, but at least I'm not scrambled! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6682 So with stocks, you just want to let it ride. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6683 Too bad you didn’t fall south amigo, but hey, here’s some whisky! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6684 Don't you think you've had un oeuf? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6685 Everyone’s being all Humpty Dumpty with me. Who said he was an egg? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6686 You can hold the Nog! 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6687 It was my coming out party, didn’t turn out so well 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6688 You know what? I'll take a lemon drop instead. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6689 In the scheme of things, today actually went pretty well 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6690 ...you ever tried acupressure? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6691 I’m trying to distract my mind from the crack dependence 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6692 2020 is a year for so much reform that even Humpty Dumpty put it self together again 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6693 Humpty Dumpty sat on a stool, Humpty Dumpty had a beer and all, All the president's secretaries and all the president's aids, Couldnt put him together again. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6694 ... and that's when I learned you can't rely on the Kingsmen. Sometime you just gotta pick up the pieces yourself 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6695 Guess 2020 has been a rough year, uh? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6696 How's your day going? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6697 Have you considered drinking less? You seem to fall off the barstool a lot. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6698 hey do you wanna hear a knock knock yolk? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6699 I just assumed they were all doctors. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6700 I didn't fall off a wall - some guys started building a wall on me... 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6701 On the rocks? That's very unsensitive from you. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6702 So, it turns out all the kings men are equipped with LRADs now... 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6703 I work part-time so my job doesn’t offer health insurance 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6704 That stupid thing about the chicken or the egg makes me sick! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6705 Clear liquors only please, I'm watching my health 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6706 ‘Yes, on the rocks.’ 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6707 I really wish they would stop singing that song 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6708 Maybe “The Captain” Morgan could put me back together again 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6709 I really fell for her.mknow? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6710 He keeps saying ‘Make it great again’ but I’m afraid he wants huevos rancheros... 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6711 I rather take on the wall and skip the rest of 2020! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6712 The chick inside me is about to hatch. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6713 You got a matchbox I can put under this stool? I can’t afford to fall again. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6714 I’ll have the King’s Blues Tonic with ice, please 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6715 I'll take anything but an Egg Cream. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6716 Can’t say I’m a fan of the high chairs here. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6717 You got anything that’ll fix more than a broken heart? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6718 I've had it with the egg knock stuff. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6719 Make it another Harvey Wallbanger, Sam. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6720 I'll take it neat, no rocks this time. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6721 Better make it a double. I have a splitting headache. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6722 I’m going to the office 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6723 I'm still shell shocked and all beaten up inside. Make it a double. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6724 I'm hoping that the king's men will actually build the new wall they've been touting. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6725 Put it on the King's horses' and men's tab. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6726 My GPS took me right over a wall. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6727 I still think the wall was a good idea. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6728 Didja hear the one about all the king's horses and all the king's men? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6729 My God! The last thing I want is eggnog. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6730 The horses...OK. But the men? Why do we pay taxes? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6731 Pour me something that'll get me over the hump. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6732 You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6733 Quite literally my last shot of being put back together again, sir. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6734 Well the King's horses were useless 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6735 I know. An egg head in the Trump administration. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6736 Bar stools are precarious for some of us. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6737 Does that man back there have a beak? Oh, that's just my father. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6738 Coulda used *you* in the King entourage. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6739 The pundits were wrong. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6740 They meant something different by on the rocks. I’ll have one now, thanks!! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6741 So then this wise guy tries to tell me that my own mother is a pre-existing condition. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6742 I kinda wish it had been a wall and not the wagon. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6743 Time to get pickled... 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6744 Lucky the King’s Ladies were there 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6745 So they called all the King's Horses and all the King's Men, but they were all on duty tracking down folks who refused to wear a mask. Just my luck. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6746 Un petit? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6747 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men... couldn’t make a drink like Adrian. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6748 Without soda. I could get a headache. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6749 It's the pride thing that really hurts. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6750 It's on the house after all those king's horses and men. 1.1200 0.05008 75 69 3 3
6751 Why is it that people always want to beat up an egghead? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6752 Oh, no! All the King's men have said, 'One more fall and I'm scrambled! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6753 No more for me, Joe. That last Tom and Jerry just about did me in! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6754 All the king's men really did a number on me. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6755 Make it a double, they won't be putting me back together again. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6756 The initial fall was rough, but it's those hooves that keep me up at night... give me another will ya mac 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6757 Ill take an egg liqueur..my Calcium came low in my last blood screening 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6758 I’ll have anything but the Wallbanger... 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6759 Oh I had a great fall...its this winter and spring that are killing me! 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6760 The King's women were off-duty. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6761 I'm telling you, it was that damn wall. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6762 That's the last time I take a gig as an 'Egg-stra' Secret Service agent. Which is more dangerous-the Administration's policies, or my cholesterol? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6763 A few of us got away. The unlucky fellas ended up as omlette. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6764 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall ... Humpty Dumpty sat at the bar 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6765 I tell you, this autonomous zone is tough on the shell. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6766 When all the King's men couldn't put me back together he had the friggin horses try. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6767 Look what happened to me after I sat on a wall! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6768 If the Queen and her Ladies in Waiting weren't there, I would have been a goner. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6769 I mean, why did the king even send horses? They can't put anything together with those hooves! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6770 I couldn’t tell you why the king thought it’d be a good idea for his horses to try... 1.1200 0.04228 75 66 7 1
6771 Just a Pico Sour, extra egg 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6772 Hurry, or the yoke will be on me. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6773 As it turns out, one of the king's horses did actually have some basic medical training. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6774 Wall sitting is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6775 Look at the sunny side 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6776 They scrambled me. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6777 Ever had one of those days? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6778 I suppose you are right. Better to have become an omelet than to have been hard boiled. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6779 ... and one more for the king's men, though I think they shouldn't have built that wall in the first place. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6780 One eggnog, extra yolk please. I need a stiff transfusion. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6781 I know, I know... Self Harm & Self Abuse are my Core Issues - Hey, did I leave my MAGA Hat here last night? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6782 Mother Goose told me I’m not covered by Worker’s Comp for falls during a nursery rhyme. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6783 None of the HMO doctors in the King's group plan could put Humpty together again. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6784 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Humpty Dumpty needs his drink tall. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6785 Make it a double--we're going back to Phase One. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6786 ... and a round for all of the kings men, too! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6787 Now this will put you back together again! 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6788 Got anything stronger than alcohol for my egg ache? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6789 I should have known he was too walled off. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6790 Sure my brother Humpty made out a lot worse than me but do I look like I’m in good shape? Plus, I lost a sibling. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6791 Have anything to unscramble my head? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6792 Just stay away from the king's horses and king's men is all I can tell you. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6793 The King's men have come a long way! 1.1200 0.05008 75 69 3 3
6794 All I said was a cigar is phallic. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6795 I know it looks bad, but you ought to see the chicken. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6796 You fell off of Trump’s wall, going or coming? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6797 On second thought, make it a gin and epoxy resin. The house resin will be fine but don’t skimp on the catalyst 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6798 I only drink medicinally, but make that a double. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6799 This one's on the King. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6800 The guy over there just fell off the wagon. What’s your story? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6801 You would think - after all this time - the wall-sitting industry would start implementing worker safety protocols. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6802 I've cracked,pour me a tall wallbanger. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6803 I wish all the Kings men and all the Kings horses hadn't put me together again. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6804 I'll have a double shot of super glue. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6805 All the king's horses and all the king's men beat me up. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6806 I thought falling off the wagon was hard. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6807 I wish there was a better story, but it was a stupid mistake on my part. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6808 It’s been a rough poem. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6809 I’m just saying, going to bars just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6810 Trumps wall? My bad. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6811 Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be sitting on a stool. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6812 Make it a double, you have no idea what kind of day I’ve had. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6813 I’ll have another “Gorilla” please! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6814 And no, I didn’t smoke crack. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6815 I told them it was no use, to just leave me, but they said some king had sent them. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6816 Sobriety isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6817 You wouldn't believe the day I've had! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6818 One more, and I'll be smashed. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6819 Well, the horses were useless, too, but at least they were polite. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6820 At least I scrambled the other guy real good. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6821 I've already tried whiskey, anti-inflammatories, and Super Glue. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6822 I'll pass on the eggnog 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6823 I feel all scrambled up deep down inside. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6824 I’ve tried to get put back together by all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, but to no avail. Now that I’m back in Manhattan, I guess I’ll give analysis a try. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6825 I don't think whiskey can fix this one John. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6826 Leave the bottle. I’ve had a day. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6827 One eggnog please barman 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6828 The usual Wallbanger Harvey? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6829 I'm just trying to get my life back together again. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6830 And then Trump actually put me on the wall to show how great of a fall it would be. Humiliating! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6831 All the Crown Royal and Captain Morgan, won't put his life back together again. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6832 I gotta say, your stories always crack me up. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6833 I was fine until the HORSES tried to "put me back together". 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6834 . . . and then the horses and men showed up . . . 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6835 Maybe you should drink this at the booth. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6836 Please....Just Brandy this morning - Hold the Eggnog..!! Thanks... You’re a Champ..! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6837 I’ll have a Corpse Riviver #2 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6838 I just survived a frightening fall . Please make it a double. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6839 I'm looking for a guy... Name's Newton. Issac Newton. I hear he used to be in here a lot. Drank Apple-Tini's. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6840 Bartender, fix my head. Will ya? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6841 Life is good. Couldn’t be better. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6842 Then this little Alice beats the stuff out of me and goes on down the road. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6843 Right now, I'd rather fall off the wagon. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6844 Frankly that "Make Eggs Great Again" rally wasn't all it was cracked up to be. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6845 I’ve always said the only cure for a hangover is some of the hair of the king’s horses 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6846 All the King's men turned out to be wearing MAGA hats. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6847 Thank God for the King's men. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6848 Yeah, I was pushed off of "his" wall 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6849 This is the last time I sit on a wall at a peaceful protest! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6850 Oh, did I say "on the rocks"? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6851 Don't go getting smashed in here. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6852 You better make that a triple. It's pretty rough out there!! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6853 Too many investors, egged on by this volatile market, are calling it quits. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6854 ...fortunately, I was wearing my light fall suit. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6855 I never imagined that 'build the wall' would have negative consequences for me. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6856 There I was, sitting on a wall, minding my own business... 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6857 Yeah, I'm afraid the other guy was hard boiled. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6858 These medical bills won’t be over easy. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6859 Yes, I need that drink. Do you realize how many times I have to fall and fix myself? Bartender- every time a human reads that poem! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6860 My entire family snuck in from Boliva. Everything was going fine. Until we got to "the wall". It's always the wall. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6861 Trump's got all the horses and men still working on that damn wall. Make it a double. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6862 Working on the stock exchange floor is really harsh with poultry futures falling 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6863 Sure, pour me a drink, and I will tell you what the other guy looks like. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6864 Tough delivery? You should see my mother! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6865 Sympathy and underdog votes could be the key to my comeback. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6866 I was just coming back from vacation when I hit a wall! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6867 You look fried." "Poachers, but I scrambled to get away. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6868 Just took down Andrew Jackson in Lafayette Square. Make it a double. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6869 The summer was terrific, and I've had a great fall! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6870 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t do it. All the President’s men trumped out. So let’s raise a glass to the Queen, Who achieved the impossible. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6871 On second thought, maybe I should go home. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6872 It must have been the Harvey Wallbangers you mixed for me last night. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6873 My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6874 Let me just say, it hasn't been great. First it was that wall! And then all the kings men. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6875 He tried to make an omelet. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6876 WHOA! Who said anything about a glass? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6877 You need a pick=me=up Humpty! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6878 Why my parents named me Humpty, I’ll never understand. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6879 Just club soda today. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6880 2020 really sucks. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6881 I hope this helps my eggs and pains 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6882 Free-range, cage-free......big whoop. Bottom line, you end up either sunny side up, once over or scrambled. Egg lives don't matter! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6883 When my boss told me where I had to sit, I knew I was in some serious trouble. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6884 Uhhh. Do you have a sippy cup? Last time I used one of those I fell down a ramp. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6885 I just don’t understand it. I had a great spring and a great summer, but then... 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6886 Then finally I just had to say 'can we just get the horses out of here, please?' I mean, who thought they could help? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6887 There's no artificial food coloring in that, right? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6888 Sorry, I'm not allowed to drink after surgery. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6889 This whiskey sour better be worth it. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6890 No, I don't want you to add a yoke. I've got a splitting headache, not a hangover. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6891 Where is the fish that used to drink here last year? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6892 I got off easy. My two buddies are sizzling and mashed. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6893 You're a glutton for punishment, huh? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6894 You see, I was sitting on this wall 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6895 So, you see, after the GREAT FALL, it all started going downhill 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6896 I'm feeling a little "eggy". 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6897 My ID? Don’t you remember me Joe? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6898 why are you giving me the usual? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6899 And now, I fall off the wagon... 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6900 You tell all the king's men they can buy their own drinks. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
6901 After that happened, she said I was too soft for her liking." 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6902 I guess building the wall wasn't such a good idea after all. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
6903 They wanted scramble, and I went too hard on them. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
6904 Honey, the king’s horses and men didn’t help. Wasn’t it a Chardonnay that worked for you? 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
6905 So Humpty Dumpty, you think you’ve had a bad 2020? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6906 Another great fall? This one’s on the house. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6907 holy shit dude 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6908 Oy vey! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6909 Had a hard boiled day, huh? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6910 I had a great Fall, but everything after that has been rough... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6911 I’ll have anything with egg whites, please 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6912 They pushed me over and I had to put myself back together, so how can they say ‘all lives matter’ ? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6913 Stop the King's Men from doing a doctor's job. A cook at least! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6914 I see you’ve been reading the comments again... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6915 ...you crack me up, you really do - don't shake, just stir puleez 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6916 In this economy? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6917 I didn’t mean to take the whole ‘one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR’ thing quite so literally. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6918 When are you going to learn to get off your own high horse instead of having people push you off? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6919 No bubbles for me today, Jack. It might cause cracks in my story to open up. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6920 All I need put together right now is an Old Fashion. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6921 You should see the wall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6922 You try living in a horrible nursery rhyme your whole life and then 2020 happens on top of that. Make it a double. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6923 I shouldn't have danced with the rolling stones 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6924 They’ll write songs about me one day. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6925 Shot of tobasco please. I'm fried. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6926 Do not say cracks let the light in! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6927 I'll take another 'Sex on the Beach' please. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6928 Considering everything else that’s happened this year, this really isn’t that bad. @kaykayrae 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6929 I'll make 'em pay for that wall... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6930 ‘Guess, I’ll try again tomorrow.’ 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6931 Humpty or Hump day? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6932 Damn, all that from protesting police brutality? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6933 All that, and there’s STILL no egg white in my cocktail 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6934 Well Joe, you’re the only one that can put me together. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6935 I keep telling you Joe, you gotta get a real job, you are not the fighter type 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6936 Bar next door tried telling me whisky sour was their specialty 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6937 Don’t ever let those horses and men take you to the ER. $900 as soon as they pick up a shell. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6938 They pulled me over again 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6939 You should see what the other guy looks like 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6940 It's tough being hard boiled 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6941 Screw the Kings Horses and Men, Black Lives put me back together, I’m with them ✊🏻✊🏽✊🏿 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6942 All the kings horses and all the kings men were furloughed. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6943 Do I look like some damn Confederate statue to you? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6944 Whiskey is the only neat thing in my life 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6945 At this pace the only sunny side im seeing is up 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6946 Maybe I’ll just take a walk on a bridge next time. Make it a double. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6947 I just feel like they couldn’t put me back together again 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6948 After so many great falls, they all start to just feel the same... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6949 I’m telling you, windows are a tricky thing 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6950 I don’t know, just pour me what you’ve got, my head feels all scrambled. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6951 This wouldn't have happened if I had chickened out. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6952 I went to sit on the wall but the wind blew it over 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6953 Yeah so that’s how my 2020 has been. What about you? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6954 You look like you had a hard day at the precipice, Humpty. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6955 Stirred, not shaken this time. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6956 Covid second wave hit and I didn't have a great Fall 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6957 It’s 2020. I’m so over eggshells. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6958 I know a good acupuncturist." 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6959 Arrest the cops who killed Breonna Taylor 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6960 It wasn't so much the fall that has me emotionally and physically shock but all of those hooves and hands from the King's horses and men. Oh my! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6961 Medicine for a broken heart ....! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6962 It’s just been a little rough 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6963 One more for the healing ! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6964 I call this drink the 'king's horses and men.' 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6965 Thank God I hit the wall and not the President 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6966 Gin is the only thing that will put me back together again. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6967 I didn’t know they meant it literally, Harry. And make it a double. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6968 Life wasn’t as good as it was cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6969 We are living in unprecedented times. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6970 „Just a little headegg...“ 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6971 Well I guess you can say she literally humped me and then dumped me 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6972 All the king's men did a number on me, Marty. Make it a double 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6973 It was the one Trump’s building 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6974 Yeah but you should see how the wall looks 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6975 humpty dumpty after falling from a wall. c 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6976 Bro I’m a whole fucking egg lmaoooo 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
6977 The earth needs a drink 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6978 All this because I told 'em my humour is egg-cellent 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6979 No whiskey for me! I have such an egg-ache! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6980 'Here's your Scotch, Egg! I can see you're in a pickle!' 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6981 ...cracked, I’m tellin’ ya, totally cracked! Call 911, he says. Just cracked! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6982 I said the wall not the wagon 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6983 ‘Falling off my seat on a Zoom call is just not the same’ 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6984 The King’s horses really need to work on their bedside manner 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6985 It’s been 150 years, and they are still trying to cure me with bandaids 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6986 The president said it was a great wall... it was a cardboard box 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6987 Looks like someone tried to make an omelette 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6988 They literally touched all of my pieces... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6989 I tried the whole sober thing, but I fell off the wall pretty quickly. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6990 A crack in the system 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6991 That’s the last time I vote for a President who’s obsessed with building walls 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6992 After the King’s men put me back together, my lawyer said he had a plan and to hide in here. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6993 hello Egg 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6994 Is this the chiniese year of the egg sr? here is one from the house 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6995 And every night, I drink and decide not to hatch. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6996 What do you mean I had a great fall? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6997 I figured this would be cheaper than all the king's men. I can't afford the medical debt. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6998 Political appointee? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6999 I'll take a border wall martini please. Stirred not shaken. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7000 why does anyone need an omelet anyhow 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7001 Sunny Side is not what it used to be. 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7002 But I’m still cis though. Definitely. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7003 I hear Dump Trumpy over and over in my head. Can no one else hear that?! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7004 All the pressure at work is finally cracking me. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7005 Make it a dozen. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7006 This is the fourth time this year you've fallen off the wagon 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7007 Apparently we weren't eggsclusive 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7008 New Year’s Eve 2020 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7009 I don't know why everyone keeps calling it "great" 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7010 No idea what’s going on, but it’s almost like something deep inside of me is trying to break free... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7011 ( drink the full half already humty ..huh ) or. اشرب عشان تنسي Arabic proverbs 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7012 It’s time you lowered eggspectations 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7013 I’ve been pushed out by the pastured raised eggs. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7014 Egg-nog anyone? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7015 The Mexicans just showed me what are their plans for the Wall 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7016 Got smashed last night...let’s pour some more gasoline on this fire 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7017 Bartender - "2020, not your year either?" 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7018 Next time ask for an Eggnog, not an Eggknock 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7019 I still think building the wall is a better use of my tax dollars than universal healthcare. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7020 Anything BUT a Harvey Wallbanger please 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7021 All the king's horses, all the king's men... Good thing a woman doctor was visiting from the queendom. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7022 Honestly, it’s not been a great fall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7023 You know Charlie, you’ve got the one thing that can put me back together again. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7024 If only it were great. If only... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7025 After all he'd been through, Humpty craved a drink. Unfortunately, he didn't think about the height of the stool... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7026 The government keeps saying they will fix the wall, so I get back up there, only to fall again! Make it a double!!! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7027 The fall was bad but summers been worse. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7028 It’s 2020! I kept asking them to NOT put me back together again. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7029 And then the king tried to get his HORSES to put me back together. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7030 At least I whipped the other guy. 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7031 Post-rally drinks 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7032 That’s right, ALL the king’s horses and ALL the king’s men; couldn’t do it. So then I went to the hospital, but my insurance wouldn’t go through so here I am. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7033 ......that was a knock-down argument. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7034 We were attempting to do the “Humpty Dumpty” and I just cracked under the pressure 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7035 I feel so scrambled lately! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7036 Make it a double Corpse Reviver. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7037 The King fired all his men, now they’re not even trying to seem competent. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7038 Can only be cooped up for so long before your start to crack.. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7039 Don’t worry, it’s just allergies 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7040 a side of humpty, scrambled 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7041 Police said no more jay walking for me or else. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7042 That great fall has me a bit scrambled 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7043 Humpty Dumpty did it again, upon the empty bar he fell 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7044 How many times do I have to fall for it to be my last one... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7045 Can I get a Mother Goose on the rocks? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7046 You see what happens when you don't reserve my regular booth for me?! You really gotta fix these wobbly bar stools. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7047 And then, like only 6,000 people showed up who RSVP’d. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7048 It’s retrograde season. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7049 And then he said, “they couldn’t put 2020 together, either, so get over it. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7050 If this Harvey Wallbanger doesn't work I'll try a King's man next... 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7051 Humpty Dumpty left me 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7052 Really wish I could stop falling off these barstools 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7053 I’ve got this thing about walls 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7054 They were throwing water bottles at me, I almost didn’t make it.” #aca 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7055 The best is yet to come, and won't it be fine 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7056 And that’s the last time I’ll pay a horse for reconstructive surgery... Am I boring you? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7057 ‘Great,’ here, being a relative term 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7058 Damn, that’s crazy! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7059 No one told me it was Trumps wall! 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7060 They hit me because I am different! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7061 You're hurting I get it we all are hurting too, is 2020 over yet? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7062 I know you’ve had a rough day...but you do know there’s egg in this drink? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7063 If I don’t want there to be a wall, where do I go? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7064 A drink please, I almost got poached! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7065 This caption's gonna crack you up... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7066 ...and then he asked if I knew how to make an omelette 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7067 On the rocks please...which is also where I fell. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7068 Rubbing alcohol for outside booboos, drinking alcohol for inside booboos 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7069 A whisky sour, are you sure? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7070 This chairs kind of wobbly. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7071 It’s tough being a brown egg 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7072 You should see the state of the other egg. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7073 could you imagine that? Horses tired putting me back together 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7074 You should get fried to numb the pain 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7075 2020 is not my year. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7076 I was just observing the protest, when the police... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7077 ...and then the President said ‘You can fry an egg on that wall’ and I fell right off... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7078 I guess I cracked under the pressure of living up to the 54.5 million likes I got. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7079 They ALL said they couldn't do it. And just left. Poof! Gone. Better make it a double. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7080 I thought falling off the wall hurt, but 2020 has really broken me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7081 Well, they tried... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7082 As it turns out...they couldn’t put me back together again 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7083 So they tore down the wall too, then? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7084 Take it easy on the gin, last night I got too tipsy. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7085 Yes, I'm sure the stool isn't too high - do I look like a clumsy fool to you? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7086 Did you say that was egg nog? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7087 Tough day, huh? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7088 Not sure what happened, last thing I remember is someone saying “omelet” 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7089 The other guy was really hard boiled! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7090 Your last eggnog was a doozie! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7091 Just for me—The King's Men can't drink and chariot. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7092 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men put me back together again 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7093 Oh yeah? Well “building” that wall isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, either! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7094 Since the crack-up, I just can't seem to put it all together. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7095 2020, amirite? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7096 I need a stiff drink just to reach the next level of competition. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7097 I think I just have a horse fetish. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7098 All those friggin horses kicked the daylights out of me! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7099 The other guy? — Totally scrambled! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7100 Make mine just a club soda. My brain is already scrambled enough today 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7101 Looks like Mr. Dumpty is about to fall off the wagon. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7102 Thank god for the Kong 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7103 Sit on the wall, they said. It’ll be a great fall, they said. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7104 You're darn right I'm against his Wall! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7105 Make it a double, Jack - I’m living life on the edge. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7106 As soon as he burst into a rendition of ‘Looking for Freedom’, with his jacket twinkling like some kind of orbital bling, I knew I was in trouble. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7107 Looks like we know who won that chicken or egg controversy 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7108 Hit me with a disinfectant chaser, Joe; need to get myself together again and feeling great. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7109 Thanks, it's a tough world out there for soft shells like me 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7110 It’s hard to be boiled. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7111 The next time you need to crack open a beer, use a bottle opener. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7112 I'm not sure if any drink will help me. I just thought I'd get sympathy in the 'Humpty Dumpty Bar.' 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7113 I thought I was hardboiled.....but now I feel like I'm cracking up. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7114 Then all the king's horses and all the king's men…oh never mind, just give me a drink. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7115 Please add thickening 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7116 I told her I laid an egg at the audition, and she went ballistic. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7117 I’ve been falling apart since my mother left. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7118 Make it a double. Sobriety isn't all it's cracked up to be" 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7119 I'm not sure this 'putting me all together again' thing was such a great idea. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7120 Never putting all my eggs in the same basket again. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7121 Make it a double; this time the wall fell on me. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7122 This wasn't even my greatest fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7123 Make it a half dozen on the rocks. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7124 Dumpty till it’s umpty, barkeep. It’s been a rough day.” 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7125 I hope this doesn't go right through me, all the kinds horses & all the kings men didn't do a very good job!! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7126 Another big break, huh? Whiskey or champagne? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7127 Hmm, now where’s Humpty Dumpty 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7128 You should see the other guy. I hit yolk. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7129 This probably isn't your first through-the-looking-glass moment today either. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7130 Please pour me a very strong eggnog. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7131 This may help you on the inside but not on the outside... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7132 I don't want to hear about making an omelette. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7133 The last thing I remember is some guy saying something about an omelette. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7134 I'm actually avoiding anything high gravity at the moment 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7135 My dreams of becoming on ostrich have been shattered. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7136 Someone pushed me off that damn border wall...make it a tequila double, no salt! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7137 I've been pounding the street looking for a job! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7138 I know, I know...first the wall, then the wagon." 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7139 The last bartender said “there’s a drink named after you, you know” and I said “You mean there’s a drink called ‘Howard’?” 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7140 You should see the other guy. Scrambled with his yolks split over 5th Avenue. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7141 Yeah, on the rocks. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7142 Black lives matter but sometimes billy clubs and tear gas matter more. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7143 You've done more for me, Mac, than all the king's horses and all the king's men ever did. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7144 First day in the city, these two gentlemen come up and invite me to an egg roll… . 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7145 I had a horrendous autumn. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7146 The king's horses and men are out of network now. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7147 I was sober. The wall was drunk. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7148 What did you say your name was, sir? Harvey. Harvey Wallbanger. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7149 Gosh, I hope it's a great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7150 I tell ya, I was pushed!! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7151 Thanks, but I better lay off the Wallbangers for now. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7152 They say this cures everything. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7153 Make it anything but a Harvey Wallbanger or an All falls down. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7154 It wasn’t such “a great fall” 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7155 Is this stool spinning or is it my head? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7156 No, it wasn't a bad fall, it was a really great fall, I mean, a really great, great fall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7157 Gimme a drink, I just fell off a wagon. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7158 You can have one more, but if you fall off your stool, I'm not sure I can put you back together again. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7159 What's the diff? Once you've fallen, you've fallen. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7160 Just between us? As orthopedic surgeons go, the king's horses leave plenty to be desired. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7161 FINALLY GOT THE BAR TO MYSELF 1.1111 0.04222 72 64 6 1
7162 I'm gonna find me a different nursery rhyme gig. Make it a double. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7163 Make that egg nog a double. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7164 No, I didn't fall. I wasn't pushed and I don't want a hard boiled egg. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7165 No, not liquor. I need lacquer. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7166 We cracked a few heads. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7167 Protesting isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7168 King’s horses...Kong’s men...wall...I need a double vodka. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7169 When can a guy catch a break? 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7170 Do you think Humpty Dumpty had an agent ?" 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7171 And then there were the king's horses. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7172 The not-so-sunny side of Humpty-Dumpty. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7173 Hey Tom , Jerry here’ll go for the eggnog this time around, eh? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7174 The worst part is knowing I’ll be a nogg instead of a fizz. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7175 Make it a strong one, I feel like a scrambled egg. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7176 A little more ice, please. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7177 So then I said to all the king's horses and all the king's men, only I can put myself back together again. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7178 No. I fell off a wall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7179 Want to hear about the last time I had it on the rocks? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7180 Is that an Adderall Spritz? Can you feed it to me? - Humpty Trumpty 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7181 I don’t think I can go on tonight Sam, I’ve already cracked myself up. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7182 The chick came at me first. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7183 The king's horses and king's men forgot to try liquor 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7184 The real trick was better horses. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7185 Only one doctor put me together again. But without insurance, I’m still broke. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7186 Yeah, I guess I did fall off wall falling off a wagon. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7187 So, do you want to hear the story of my great fall or not? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7188 What ale's me? A headless horseman. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7189 All I did was exercise my academic freedom and tell the Provost to keep it online for another semester. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7190 You shoulda been in here earlier.... All the kings men were in here partying! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7191 To quote, 'After a bad fall, a highball', please! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7192 Can you please do something about this song? It’s giving me a headache. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7193 He finally built the wall! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7194 Make it Cognac of vintage 1789/ 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7195 If anything, my day wasn't hard enough. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7196 All I said was “Break a leg!”. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7197 Did I leave my tab open last night? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7198 All the king's horses and all the king's men did a pretty good job. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7199 Yeah I wasn't doing anything when this cop pushes me off the wall to the pavement, where three other cops just started beating me. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7200 You fell off the wall? Here we call it falling off the wagon. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7201 I was sitting on my wall, minding my own business, then along came this friendly looking cat... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7202 Let me tell ya Louie, the King's horses were worthless. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7203 Great fall? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7204 I thought it was one of those in-ground trampolines, so I just let go, and well...you know... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7205 Life just isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7206 ...so this guy tells me a joke that really cracked me up. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7207 I never knew my mother. Yet, I feel that any pain I endure is karma. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7208 Pour heavy. I'll never put it together again anyway. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7209 It was the horses that managed to put me together again! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7210 No, I was in Lafayette Park on June 1st. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7211 Let's skip the Harvey Wallbanger today. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7212 I'm done with Wallbangers, Harvey. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7213 I should have used a cordless sawzall, and skipped the climb.. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7214 I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with his head cut off. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7215 Humpty Dumpty ordered a drink. Humpty Dumpty had more than you think. All the bartenders and cups of coffee, couldn't bring Humpty's sobriety back. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7216 All I said was "The yoke is on you." 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7217 Give me the usual. That fancy stuff isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7218 Thanks, Marty. It's getting tougher to keep it together these days. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7219 None of the king's men thought I had a chance. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7220 One more drink before I head over to that wall 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7221 Lucky for me the queen was there. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7222 The last thing I need is an eggnog. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7223 ...but you should see the wall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7224 All the King's horses, all the King's men, and, thankfully, one woman. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7225 It's tough being soft shell. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7226 Whiskey Sour... No egg whites 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7227 Anything to help with this splitting headache. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7228 Tell me egg-zactly what happened. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7229 You'd better add some eggnog! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7230 The problem is, he suddenly fired all the King's horses and they say that morale among all the King's men is just terrible. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7231 I' m made of wood I don't drink liquids. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7232 Please, not another tumbler! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7233 Last thing I remember saying to him was it was a really stupid question to ask me which came first... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7234 It's not my broken body that hurts...it's the embarrassment! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7235 I was just sitting on a wall,minding my own business... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7236 Cops. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7237 Then he said "have a nice trip, see your next fall" 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7238 I'm fried. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7239 The fall was bad enough, but then all the king's horses and all the king's men. . .Yeeesh! 1.1111 0.04662 72 65 4 2
7240 For every bruise there's booze 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7241 It looks like you're having a lousy summer. I hope you have a great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7242 Everybody says it was a great fall,but I can't find anything great about it! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7243 Just pick yourself up and pull yourself together. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7244 I'll tell you a something that will really crack you up. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7245 ...So I was just hanging out on the wall near my house in Mexico and you're telling me I'm now in Arizona? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7246 Did you just put an egg in my beer? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7247 Are you ok? You look like you just had a great fall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7248 If all the King's Horses and all the King's men stop by, serve them a round on me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7249 Please go easy, last night's rounds were a bit more than your average egg can handle! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7250 I just asked for a Harvey Wallbanger and then I don't know what hit me! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7251 You know what, it turns out my Fall wasn't so great after all. Hopefully things will pick in Winter. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7252 Strangely, everyone tells me I’m a winner... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7253 Leave the bottle. I promise not to break it. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7254 I'll pour you one over easy. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7255 Her husband was so mad he nearly fried me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7256 Lower East Side, Cereal Killer. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7257 I tried to tell my cousin Carl he overdid it with the pastels this Easter. He never did have very thick skin. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7258 My year’s been great. How about your’s? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7259 It was a rough spring. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7260 Wall? No, I got hit by the RNC bus! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7261 Just another tough day at the Wall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7262 the omelet dream last night 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7263 Listen Mac, like I already told you, your barstools are really REALLY unstable ! How do you expect your cutsomers to come back, you stupid jerk ? 1.1111 0.03458 72 66 5 1
7264 Easy on the drink this time, I've already had one great fall and I'm waiting on the King's men. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7265 Turns out the horses are more competent than the guys spraying tear gas everywhere. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7266 Leave the whole bottle. This drink is on all the all the king’s horses and all the king’s mens’ table 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7267 OK, enough with the Dumpty stuff, now pour! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7268 And, this happened to me BEFORE the Corona Virus! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7269 And then this guy started hitting on me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7270 So before I can explain how it’s all a misunderstanding...BAM! Hmm, I’ll have Gin Fizz. Is this place whites only? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7271 Entitled? Hello, I’m an Egg ! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7272 Is that All the King's Horses Scotch? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7273 Tequila añejo por favor. We huevos have a problema with Trump! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7274 My splitting headache is a sign of the times we are in." 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7275 Together again" is not what it's cracked up to be 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7276 Leave me out of the Gin Fizz this time. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7277 Put me back together? Hell no! They were the ones who knocked me off the wall! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7278 Thanks, I still have a free space. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7279 Can you put on some Lizzo songs? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7280 I'll have a Sand in the Crack with a pickle juice shooter. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7281 If the King's horses and men come in, I'm buying! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7282 Omelettes were made. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7283 do you have have a telephone? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7284 Make it a generous pour. An homage to all the kings horses and all the kings men. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7285 ...and the next thing I know, I was staring up at the wall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7286 How many times do I have to fall off this stool just to get a drink? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7287 Summer started out rough. Hope I have a better fall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7288 And there I sat, cops to my left, protestors to my right. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7289 What horses? What men? I’m Humpty, dammit! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7290 What’s on your mind? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7291 What’s wrong kiddo, they didn’t let you off so easily again? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7292 I just can't seem to get it together 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7293 And that's when I said if I'm good for your face, then White Rain is good for your hair. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7294 Barkeep, I've got a true story for you, that will become legendary ! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7295 I was doing okay until those horses started to "help" me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7296 I am cracking up. That's not funny. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7297 Glad you made it back in one piece. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7298 Tomorrow I gotta sit on a wall... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7299 Line em up Larry. Just nothing off the wall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7300 Damn right they should be defunded — all the king's men were the ones who DID this. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7301 Do you know if there's an equestrian medical board I can file complaints to? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7302 crack open another bottle please 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7303 Boy, those border walls are real doozies! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7304 Ok, but another fall off the barstool and you’re out of here. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7305 the yolks on me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7306 He egged me on, so when I saw the whites of his eyes, I beat the albumin out of him! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7307 Really. Hair of the dog? I don't think that can fix this! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7308 All the king's horses and all the king's men? Don't bet on it. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7309 Got any crack? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7310 It’s just vodka, orange juice and Galliano. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7311 A double "Wall-banger" , please !! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7312 And then he goes, “Has anyone looked at your inner ears?” I was 32. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7313 This won’t put me back together again, but maybe I can forget how broken I am for a while.... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7314 I really shouldn't, I've already fallen off the wall today. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7315 Not bad, considering they were horsemen... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7316 A Harvey Wallbanger, please. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7317 And then he said, “just go sit on a wall”. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7318 All the King's horses and men? Not with my HMO 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7319 So then, all of the king's horses come over, and can you believe that not one of them had opposable thumbs? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7320 I've placed too much trust in all the king's men. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7321 „Wall, Stonewall.. what‘s the difference, I thought..?“ 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7322 Do you have anything for the horses? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7323 The wall wasn’t high enough and I only cracked- they wouldn’t pay me. Can you believe it?! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7324 All the King’s men couldn’t get it done Now time for all the King’s gin. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7325 Just leave the bottle. I am not feeling eggcellent today. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7326 I made the switch to potato chips when I realized sitting on Trump's border wall wasn't the greatest idea." "What happened?" "Let's just say...he's not a fan of omelettes made from south of the border." 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7327 Do you get the impression that the Court doesn’t like me? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7328 I only had one drink, and now they blame me. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7329 So then I’m like “Guys guys - what’s with the horses?!” 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7330 Yes, THAT wall! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7331 Well, I was trying to make an omelet ... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7332 Make that a Wallbanger, Harvey. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7333 I had the World on a string sitting on a rainbow. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7334 Why so scrambled Mrs.Dumpty? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7335 Humpty Dumpty found the fix! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7336 I had a better summer... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7337 You'd think that Mexico would pay for my hospital bill too... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7338 I know it won't put things back together again but it's a start. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7339 His dying words to me were, "Kid, only the hard-boiled survive." 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7340 Humpty's last round. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7341 Straight up 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7342 Let's raise a glass to all the King's horses and all the King's men for one helluva good repair job! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7343 Next time DO NOT call all the king's men 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7344 Make the egg knock a double 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7345 Please don't say "I just cracked open a new bottle" 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7346 I 'll never try to sit on the border wall again. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7347 I need an eggnog! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7348 When those cocks get aggressive they start getting pushy!!! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7349 And then, none of the king’s horses or the king’s men would take my insurance. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7350 Bartender, can someone call Bill W. for me ? Tell him it's Humpty D. again 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7351 Hit me again.. I'm on the verge of tears! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7352 All the King's horses and men got a little overzealous. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7353 Here, one on the house for keeping it together, up to now... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7354 The King's men agreed that I should stick to falling off the wagon. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7355 Make that a double, if I have to wear a mask. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7356 I'm gonna sue the King's horses. Make it a double. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7357 What is this? A yolk? Carol Loomis (caroljloomis52@gmail.com 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7358 And THEN I mentioned her mother. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7359 Crown Royal? Are you out of your mind??? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7360 As usual to eradicate the virus! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7361 A schnaps to keep body and soul together, Mr. Dumpty? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7362 I need to get boiled--fast. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7363 In my day the King’s horsemen could actually handle the job. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7364 Careful! All the king's horses and all the king's men are socially distancing for the foreseeable future. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7365 I'm still trying to make sense of it. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7366 Cracked Ice? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7367 Apparently, all the King's Horsemen and all the King's Men mistook me for some other egg who was suspected of something. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7368 Yeah, right. GREAT fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7369 Just pour me some All The King's Horses straight up 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7370 Just water for me, I'm already tipsy. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7371 I’m telling ya, i was pushed. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7372 My insurance only covered treatment by the king's horses, and you can imagine how that turned out. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7373 I’ll take a jack and yolk. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7374 At That Precise Moment Harold Realized His Favorite Customer Had Been Humpty Dumpty - And Not Just Some Cracked Egghead 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7375 Humpty dumpty fell off a wall Humpty dumpty has had too much alcohol. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7376 Did I wipe off all of the egg on my face? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7377 My border wall just happened to fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7378 that CHOP zone is pretty rough 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7379 What can you expect from all the King's men? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7380 Please.....no egg-istential wisecracks today 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7381 Maybe the King of Beers can put me back together again... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7382 Wall shmall. Gotta watch out for those sidewalks! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7383 So Much For All The King's Men 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7384 I’m not thinking straight. My head is a bit scrambled. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7385 I'm starting to wish they hadn't put me back together again. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7386 Lousy winter. Great fall, tho’! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7387 Don't give me a straw. It might turn out to be the last one. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7388 Stupid, I know. I just had to see what my tax dollars were getting for his damn wall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7389 No, there wasn't any wall. It was the King's soldiers and the King's men who did it! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7390 Do I look like an ice cube!? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7391 I tried to walk in here last night before the chicken. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7392 Yolk me 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7393 You know, Glory. A nice knock-down argument on the rocks, with a twist of lime. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7394 No more egg flip for me, thanks. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7395 It just cracks me up. Insurance company had the gall to deny the claim because of a pre-existing condition. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7396 Lose your head once, you know, and suddenly everyone is walking on eggshells. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7397 This time, stirred not shaken. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7398 Sure, we all had a bad spring, but... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7399 The invention of the eggnog (originally, the egg noggin). 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7400 I guess being hard boiled offered some protection. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7401 It’ s not MY fault - it’s all that fake news! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7402 This is anytime better than sitting on the wall 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7403 Yeah.... still no idea what coulda happened to old 1-more-for-the-road-Humpry???” 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7404 Really?? At a time like this, you serve me up an eggnog??!! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7405 Look, I attended The Good Eggs Matter protests and I barely made it out of there alive. Pour me a Double ! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7406 On second thought, make that a single... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7407 Om-e-let you pour me a double. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7408 Being hard-boiled I can take a few cracks. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7409 Maybe you can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again, but a good stiff drink will help. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7410 I'll have whatever you gave to all the king's men 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7411 I ordered a whiskey sour at the last bar, big mistake. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7412 So then I 'had a great fall' off the wagon. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7413 Amazon is never going to treat us right until we unionize. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7414 Wait, there's more,I haven't cracked the surface yet 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7415 Looks like you had a great fall off the wagon again. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7416 The BLM protests.... then the Supreme Court ruled twice this week against me. Then the virus resurged. Tulsa was washout. And Bolton’s very bad book... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7417 I'm sitting there right on top of Trump's wall saying Trump won't be having such a great Fall Then all the fool's tweets storms and all the fool's men Couldn't cover things up once again. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7418 Thank God for the King’s bartender! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7419 I should have passed on the Harvey wallbanger. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7420 I need something stronger to put me back together again. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7421 Welcome to "All the King's Horses". What can I offer you today? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7422 Where's the closest testing site? I think I have a fever". 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7423 You shoulda seen the other guy. He's in a Ramos Gin Fizz now. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7424 Make it a double, i'm a basket case. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7425 I will have a "Free-range Rhode Island Red, that's one part yolk and two parts white." 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7426 You seem well put-together. What's your secret? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7427 I fell off a wall last night and the publisher won't even pay my medical bill. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7428 I’m just thankful I love Hammet; I’m hard-boiled. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7429 Humpty: this is the best they could do. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7430 So there I was just sitting on a wall... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7431 And to make things worse, I've got a bad case of hemorrhoids 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7432 I’m sick and tired of being the sample eggshell plaintiff. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7433 COVID -19 knocked me off my feet. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7434 Please make it complimentary. I'm about to get a huge medical bill from all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7435 You should see the other guy. The yolk's on him. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7436 I don't get it. Why is everyone walking on eggshells these days? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7437 Make it a double. It’s hard to keep my sunny side up after a day like today. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7438 It didn't happen falling off a bar stool, if that's what you're thinking. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7439 Believe it or not, it was the king's horses that put me back together again. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7440 What a tough Fry-day....! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7441 We egg-heads have had it hard the last three and a half years. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7442 It wasn’t the wall, it was the Boogaloos... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7443 No thanks. How do you think I got this way? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7444 That crack really IS whack... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7445 fall off the wagon?" "No, a wall 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7446 Hitting bottom sucks! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7447 Being an egg's not what it's cracked up to be." 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7448 I’ll tell ya, Humpty Dumpty thing is no yolk. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7449 A shot of the anti-virus before I have another great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7450 Shaken, not stirred. Like me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7451 Looks like all the King’s men and all the King’s horses are preoccupied. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7452 Thank God I can come here to deal with my problems without the king’s cavalry butting in. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7453 Over easy will ya? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7454 I may not run for reelection. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7455 and I told them gin......NOT the King's Men 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7456 You say, Trump dared you and now he doesn't know who you are? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7457 "What do you have to get rid of egg aches?" 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7458 ...and then that freakin' King kept right on going without stopping to help. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7459 It all happened after all the King's men got there. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7460 This virus sucks 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7461 One more for the Wall. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7462 I had a great fall and all the King's horses and all of the King's men were no where to be seen. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7463 Another lemon drop? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7464 They kept yelling, 'the recipe calls for 3 whooped egg whites!' 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7465 With all of the COVID-19 bread making, someone forgot to tell me that this was cake week. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7466 The Egg of Wall Street: The Story of Humpty Falling of the Wall When the Market Cracked 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7467 Wall, wagon, doesn't matter; coping issues either way. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7468 I still remember her words, “you want egg in your beer?” 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7469 And that was just breakfast. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7470 Do you have the number for All the King's Horses or All the King's Men? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7471 Thanks. I'm feeling pretty fragile right now. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7472 Summer has been awful. I can't wait for the fall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7473 No ice please- I've been down on the rocks enough today. 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7474 One fast horse and one good man/Can do more for Humpty than a whole army can. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7475 It’s a dark obscure play called Scrambled Not Over Easy 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7476 All the king's horses and all the king's men were not privy to Mr. Dumpty's little secret. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7477 I can't catch a break these days. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7478 I told them I'm against defunding all the king's men. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7479 Thankfully the king’s horses and men learned something on Dumpty. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7480 This world is not what I thought it was cracked to be 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7481 It was the Presidential Wall! You'd think I would have been safe. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7482 Actually,the wall fell down. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7483 Pour me a Manhattan. That wall just did me in. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7484 Apparently I’m too fragile to cope with the Corona virus 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7485 So there I am just sittin' on my wall when, out of no where, comes along this blue jay with an attitude . . . 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7486 How about "egg lives matter?" 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7487 This is not so bad- you should see the other eggs! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7488 No thanks, this time I won't drink at all, last time I had a great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7489 Bah! ‘ all the king’s horses and all the king’s men,’ I would have preferred one of the king’s doctors...or at least one of the king’s chefs! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7490 All the king's horses, and all the king's men, and not a drop of medicinal brandy between them. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7491 Double the raw egg, I’m just feeling shattered! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7492 I Know it's not Christmas,but I could really use and Egg-nog... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7493 ... but I did have a great Fall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7494 Another day working on trump's wall 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7495 I'm really not a big supporter of building another wall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7496 oy! i tell ya. my wife! 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
7497 ...so then, all the king’s horses try to help. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7498 Life really isn't everything it's cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7499 ...and a trough of water to go 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7500 And on top of that, the insurance company tries to tell me it's a pre-existing condition! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7501 Humpty Dumpty on the rocks please? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7502 I got walloped. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7503 Not just the wall, the wagon too. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7504 i told them not to put me together again, ill have another . 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7505 What the Hell; some nog for the noggin. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7506 Is this the beginning of a yolk? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7507 Make it a double on Doctor’s orders to pickle and harden the insides to help me heal faster. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7508 Doesn't matter how much you pour. The glass will be just as full as I choose it to be -- neither more nor less. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7509 I want to buy a round for all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7510 And then all the King’s horses and all the King’s men attacked me! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7511 That'll teach me not to sit on the fence! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7512 And a round for all the kings horsemen and all the kings men... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7513 One minute we were on the wall, and then, in an instant...Oh, they couldn't put him together again.'" 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7514 No more Harvy Wallbangers! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7515 We can't make people show up to our Trump rallies, so note to self: stay out of kicking distance afterwards. 1.1111 0.05437 72 68 0 4
7516 All I said was, “Build a Wall!” 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7517 Yeah...all the King's men have Covid. But somehow, not the King?! Make it a double, would ya? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7518 Damn Mother Goose rhyme. I need something fermented. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7519 I’ll have a drink to all the King’s women. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7520 The wall fell off the wagon. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7521 I'm telling ya, this world ain't what it's cracked up to be 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7522 That comic was TOO good! He cracked me up! But now I just feel scrambled inside.... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7523 The fall was bad, the spring even worse. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7524 Would I look like this if it were only a wagon? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7525 Easy does it, barkeep as you can see I’m already cracked a bit... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7526 I tell you - all the king's horses and all the king's men are not what they're cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7527 Mind if I crash here tonight? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7528 I dreamed there was a wall at the Mexican border. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7529 Another drink? No. I need a tall order of duct tape. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7530 Make it a double. We live in eggtraordinary times. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7531 Make it an eggnog on shells. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7532 Brandy boiled with ale! I'm a short, fat person...and now I'm cracked! It's hard to self-define, you know? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7533 If you see that horse in here again, tell me I said 'nice try'. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7534 Then after they couldn't put me together again... 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7535 After this spring and summer I’m looking forward to a great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7536 You should have seen the bill I got for putting me back together 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7537 Dog found you at the Easter egg hunt, huh? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7538 A friend of mine told me about a lawyer named Giuliani over in Brooklyn who could make thing right for me. Ever heard of him? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7539 Make it a tall one - I’m poached. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7540 Overall I've been pretty lucky considering. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7541 This quarantine will be the death of me 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7542 Sure hope that works. All the kings's horses and all the king's men were no help! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7543 TRUMP TOLD ME HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. NOW HE SAYS HE SOLD ALL OF HIS HORSES TO PUTIN. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7544 Hey Humpty Trumpty, we all have bad days Just make sure you hold this Wallbanger with two hands and break in those new leather kicks! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7545 Set em up, Joe. One more for the road. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7546 The dame ordered a strong one. I could tell at a glance she wasn't as hard boiled as she acted. Beat you stiff, did they, I asked? You crack me up, she replied. Know a place where a girl can get re-laid? 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7547 About the wall.... All the king's men turned in their resignations. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7548 All the King's horses just charged at us 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7549 anything but an Egg Drop 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7550 First assignment, covering protests. After 1 year, $150K Colombia Journalism program... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7551 The King’s horses stampeded, again! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7552 I guess that’s how the King’s horses and men handle peaceful protests. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7553 He promised that wall would be completed by now 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7554 I should have listened to you, Bert. That roll of playing Humpty Dumpty isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7555 Eggzactly, I cracked and it was no yolk. I’ll take it straight Johnny. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7556 Let me tell you a story about a great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7557 Think that was my last Harvey Wallbanger! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7558 Rough summer, but looking forward to a great fall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7559 Wife couldn't put me together again 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7560 No, the fall wasn't so great. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7561 You try falling off the wall and not the wagon too 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7562 No thanks! When my dad got divorced he got pickled, cracked up, and I watched as the world ate him alive. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7563 This wall keeps giving me a headache. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7564 No one thinks you're a good egg at a Trump rally. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7565 The way this summer has gone, I am not looking forward to a great fall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7566 It was more like a "moderate" fall. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7567 This is the part of the story they don't tell you as a kid. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7568 Forget the King's horses and men and gimme a double scotch. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7569 I was fine until the king’s men showed up. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7570 So I told him, “Mexico is not going to pay for it!” and then the last thing I remembered I was surrounded by all his horses and men. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7571 Can you tell I was pushed into drinking? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7572 The King's horses stepped on me, and the King's men called in sick. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7573 I did meet some nice horses and men, though. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7574 The King’s men are as stupid as their horses. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7575 Just a little something to take the egg off. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7576 Make it one for my baby, and one more for the wall." 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7577 Are you sure you want another shot? 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7578 Universal healthcare isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7579 I think I've had enough Harvey Wallbangers. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7580 On second thought, make it an eggnog, would ‘ya? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7581 Some horses and men and going to join me shortly. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7582 I came out pretty good considering. There must have been a dozen of them! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7583 That was some wall. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7584 Make it a double. It's been a really bad day. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7585 Why do people think that chicken soup fixes everything? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7586 I had a great fall, but a lousy winter while recovering. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7587 Neat please, I have egg on my face. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7588 And beers for the King's horses. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
7589 I'm buying a round for the king's men, even if they did a crappy job. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7590 Actually, I'm celebrating for being put back together again. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
7591 Why not, that last fall means I’ve hit bottom. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
7592 Things are falling apart around here 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7593 Who needs the King’s men when three fingers will do the job 1.1096 0.04600 73 67 4 2
7594 This is what happens when you ask a bunch of horses for help and they just kick the shit outta you. No wonder there’s so many protests 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7595 I’m really broken up about it 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7596 Would you mind leaving a tip ahead of time? 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7597 Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she yolks into mine 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7598 Salt on the rim or directly on your head? 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7599 I know it's a Sunday, but, nevertheless, I say, 'Hey, instead of the King's horses, can someone PLEASE page the plastic surgeon? 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7600 We've had a serious breaking up. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7601 The king’s men did a pretty good job, but those horses! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7602 Make that a double. I'm fractured. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7603 I just wish the horses didn't take the first turn at patching me up 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7604 Given the circumstances, it's certainly a good thing I'm a fairly hard-boiled sort of chap.... 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7605 I guess sitting on a wall isn't all it's cracked up do be. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7606 Most of the damage was done by all the king's horses. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7607 For some reason, the king sent horses to my aid first. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7608 It's a good thing I am hard-boiled to the core! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7609 You know Joe, marriage isn't what it's cracked up to be. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7610 Remember: half full is better than half cracked. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7611 No more, thanks. That last one cracked me up. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7612 And a round for all the king’s horses and all the king’s men at the back table. Tell them thanks for trying. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7613 And then she said, "you're not hard boiled at all." 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7614 It was the King's horses and men that scared me the most. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7615 The fall really wasn't that bad. But then all the king's horses and all the king's men showed up in riot gear.... 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7616 The king’s horses really lack fine motor skills. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7617 The King’s horses are lousy surgeons 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7618 Modern medicine is amazing. Twenty years ago, they couldn’t have put me back together again. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7619 I was fine after my little fall. Then those guys came on horses! Who could possibly think that horses are the right way to help a cracked egg!! 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7620 I fell off Trump's wall! 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
7621 I may look like a fragile shell, but inside I am hardboiled 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
7622 Why did they throw me at the politicians? I have nothing to do about what they say! 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
7623 You know, actually I’m a free-range egg 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
7624 Not that kind of rye toast. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
7625 Whoever built that wall cut a LOT of corners. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
7626 I told them, it’s ‘Break a leg! Not ‘Break an egg!’’ 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
7627 And then he said: “it’s not you, it’s me.” and I was like ... 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
7628 It started when I admitted to be a hard boiled liberal, then he says to me "Now you're a cracked conservative!"...Politics is getting so scrambled. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
7629 I didn't fall. I was pushed, but you'll never see that on CNN. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
7630 I never saw them coming ...they pushed off the wall to make room for the President ... 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
7631 At least I have my answer. ER saw the chicken first. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
7632 Just sitting on the wall in Lafayette Park. Why? 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
7633 That's the last time I make a joke about Depends in front of the President! 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
7634 I agreed with Reagan about bringing down the wall but I didn't mean while I was on it. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
7635 Sometimes I think that I think when I truly don’t and that is awesome 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7636 I know, I know. But the foam on a true amaretto sour is worth it. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7637 I said I liked it rough, but this year took it too far 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7638 The king’s horses didn’t really help 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7639 Then she said “this is how she wears it” 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7640 I hear ya, you look like how 2020 has made me feel 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7641 And I thought Wonderland was crazy...!!" ㅡ Humpty Dumpt 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7642 Surely Bud's Clydesdales will do the trick... 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7643 I wish I was taller. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7644 Bringing the King's horses was a mistake. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7645 I’ll just take it neat. I asked the last bartender for a sour and it didn’t go so well. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7646 The Name is Humpty Dumpty. Make it a double. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
7647 I saw this beautiful girl sitting on a wall and that’s the last thing I remember 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7648 I was on this border wall, admiring the view.... 1.1014 0.03661 69 61 7 0
7649 Forgive my appearance, apparently the Kings Men are not considered essential workers. 1.1014 0.04683 69 64 3 2
7650 I hear your Humpty Dumpty is a real killer cocktail! 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7651 It's not my fault, I didn't build the bloody wall, Trump did! 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
7652 Sometimes, the men have more horse sense than the horses. That I can tell ya! 1.1014 0.04683 69 64 3 2
7653 No I don’t have insurance. I doubt I can afford ALL THE KING’S HORSES! 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7654 No thanks.... I’ve got another wall to sit on later. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
7655 That guy was one bad egg! 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
7656 All the king's horses and all the king's men saw me virtually 1.1014 0.04683 69 64 3 2
7657 A little less gin in this one. please, 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7658 And they said that I couldn't be put back together again 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7659 Honestly, it was a pretty lousy fall, but winter and spring weren't much better. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7660 this won’t make fix anything, but you might find yourself on the table sunny side up at the end of the day 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
7661 Do you have a Ladder? 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7662 I used to be in that big ol' jar with the others like me, and all I wanted was freedom. And I found it, you know. And look where that got me. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
7663 No, no, I was fine, minding my own business, until the horses and men arrived. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
7664 What’s the craic? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7665 I had a great fall — but winter and spring really killed me. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7666 Id say Covid is the least of my problems lately 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7667 Those cops only scrambled eggs huh? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7668 This should put Humpty back together again. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7669 It's boiling outside, and I've had a hard day. Could you make that a double? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7670 I’ll have a whiskey sour hold the egg white. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7671 I’ll take it on the rocks. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7672 2020 really had a great fall. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7673 Just a gin and tonic, please. The last bar tried to make me a New York Flip! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7674 They tell me I still look more composed than 2020 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7675 From everything the President has said I really thought that wall would hold up better. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7676 Harvey Wallbanger, just pour. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7677 What's the deal with egg whites in cocktails?" @_andrewcho 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7678 Whiskey sour...WITHOUT the egg whites! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7679 It turns out all the king’s horses and the all the king’s men could put me back together again, but I wouldn’t say that’s a good thing right about now. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7680 I had an eggache 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7681 I’ll have anything, just make sure it’s nothing from the Wall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7682 Now THERE’s a story I haven’t heard before. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7683 No no no, not a Four-Horsemen. I was explaining that the King brought four horsemen. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7684 I heard “some guy” Humpty Dumpty had a similar gig. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7685 I would ask you, 'What's Crackin'?' But it seems like you don't wanna talk... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7686 2020 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7687 I know we should be wearing masks, but what’s the worst that could happen?” -from a surging Houston, T 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7688 so I told them, as an expert, ‘I think we are past a state of repair.’ 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7689 Make it a double, Trump just tried to put me together again 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7690 ...and so I was thinking, maybe we should defund the king’s horses and men, ‘ya know? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7691 Can i have a single yolk... wait... make that that a double 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7692 ...and then I said, “Humphrey, my name is Humphrey.” Horses these days... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7693 I'd take it Autumn isn't your favorite season, huh? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7694 So no egg white in your whiskey sour? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7695 The horses have no medical training but great lawyers... 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7696 Nah, I haven’t gone near a wall in ages... my wife caught me with a chick... 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7697 I feel safer on high perches, and gravity works against me every time! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7698 What a nice fall we are having this time of year ? Wouldn't you agree ? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7699 All the bar’s whiskey and all the bar’s gin couldn’t put Humpty together again. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7700 One shot can mend my wall 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7701 Really? That’s the hardest you’ve got? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7702 Humpty’s Fall was not his fault at all...but rather the Spring and Summer of 2020 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7703 Have you got something strong in there to mend a broken egg? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7704 Have you tried sit on a bench instead of a wall? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7705 Look, I’m just happy to be able to grab a drink in a bar instead of alone on my couch. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7706 Told him not to build the wall 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7707 I told you not to sit on the wall! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7708 Damn, I knew that wall should have never been made! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7709 Another round Jay! Liquidity cures all. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7710 ...so, the king calls me and says “we need you for our inauguration ceremony! You won’t be disappointed: we built you the greeeaaatest wall ever!” I was expecting the greatest fall and look at me! Only scratches! My life is over.. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7711 Is it too early for eggnog? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7712 Eggceptional pain calls for eggceptional solutions, hope this one goes down smoothly and not out the cracks. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7713 My chickens have finally come home to roost 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7714 The fall wasn't that bad 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7715 It's been a shell of a day. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7716 My nursery rhyme has really become popular. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7717 I'm getting too old for MMA 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7718 Thank God I am a fake adulterated egg..now pour me some wine 🍷 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7719 this crack is whack 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7720 Actually, it wasn't the kings horses or men, but the other eggs and chickens stepped in. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7721 They sent the queen’s horses and women this time 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7722 ...F$$$ing 2020 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7723 The pain is worse when you try to get back up... @tommamso 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7724 That job just wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7725 At least everyone has to stay 6ft away... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7726 ATKMAB 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7727 Humpty Dump the whole bottle, it's been a rough week 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7728 ate too much in this crappy lockdown, got too fat for the wall 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7729 It wasn’t the fall - it was the king’s men! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7730 Haven’t seen you here in a while. What happened? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7731 I got dumped again” @newyorkercartoons @newyorkerma 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7732 oh buddy even all this alcohol won't be enough to put me together again after the week I've had 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7733 So much for ‘peaceful’ protesting. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7734 How many times do I have to tell you, no bar seating until phase 3. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7735 Okay, Mr. Dumpty, but after this one I'm shutting you off. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7736 ...and on top of all that, I have VD. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7737 Of course this is the year they figure it out. 2020, right? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7738 So she says...’if your gonna make an omelet you gotta...’ the things we do for love 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7739 Chicken came home early. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7740 ‘It’s just an omelette,’ they said. ‘Don’t be such a worry-wart.’ 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7741 Humpty Dumpty had a great Fall... but Spring 2020 called for a drink 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7742 I thought you’d hit rock bottom, guessing you’ll need a double then... 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7743 Are you sure about NOT cutting me off? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7744 I'm a bit shell-shocked but you should see the other eleven guys. Scrambled beyond recognition." @sammow 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7745 I tried to tell them “all egg lives matter...” 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7746 The moment you want to order a drink, but you cannot cause you're literally a broken egg 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7747 All this self help stuff ain’t what it’s cracked up to be; even with all the kings resources- it’s really up to ME to put myself back together again.... 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7748 Apparently I gotta put everybody back together again 🧐😒 I’m over it 🥴 Fixing myself a double before I quit 🥃 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7749 It all started when they said I was too fragile to handle all that bottomless whiskey... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7750 Its going to take more than the Kings horses and men to put me back together 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7751 I tell ya, Johnny, this is why I got so hard-boiled. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7752 Being the face of so many ‘which came first’ jokes is not all it’s cracked up to be... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7753 A ‘great’ fall, who says that? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7754 I think am going to have to pace myself tonight. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7755 If all the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t fix me, I am not getting my hopes up for these three wise men you speak of. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7756 Not looking forward the the future scramble my friend 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7757 Hard to crack or Nog? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7758 And then I told the mob 'I'm a minority too, don't loot my store, please!', but they didn't care the least and two women clubbed me after while laughing 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7759 No workers comp for falling off that wall. So now I can all afford gin, tall 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7760 @home_dpo “you held the egg whites, right?” 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7761 give me something to take the egg off" "its been a rough couple of weeks Jerry" "they said it would be a great year 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7762 It hasn't been a Great day 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7763 she heard “shaken” not stirred... 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7764 Hey buddy, looks like you had hard day? Wanna hear a good yolk? 1.1000 0.05046 70 66 1 3
7765 I am egg me want drink 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7766 Humpty just got dumped-y 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7767 So it’s March, and I’m climbing the market... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7768 Eggs been a hard week 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7769 I know, I know but it’s gonna be a damn fine omelette if I can pull this off. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7770 They said it was a peaceful protest. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7771 I can't work out if it was the king's horses or the king's men who started to actually make it worse. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7772 Mind making it off the rocks this time? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7773 They were supposed to put me back together again but they came with riot gear instead 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7774 Yes" I'm "eggcellent" what a "yolk 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7775 They tried to put you together again, huh? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7776 All I said was ‘Eggs lives matter’ then they knocked me over. When I gained my consciousness I still heard them shout ‘ALL LIVES MATTER, you freak!’... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7777 So a vulnerable population walks into a bar during a pandemic... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7778 No residuals for nursery rhymes. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7779 Just a normal Tuesday 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7780 Hold the egg, Sam 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7781 No more Wallbangers for me, Harvey. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7782 I didn't fall off the wall again, it's this stool that cracks me up. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7783 I only had a few drinks and did The Humpty Dumpty dance 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7784 I had a great fall,now I need a great drink 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7785 Have one on the house. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7786 Bartender, I’ll have the Corpse Reviver. Make it a double. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7787 Make it a triple. I'm scrambled,fried, and anything but sunny-side up. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7788 Make it a wall banger, Harvey. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7789 You weren't one of the guys I saw at the wall, were you? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7790 Why does everyone keep asking me if I had a great fall? 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7791 So, I said, “Rhetorical extremism is NOT an excuse to cut online.” And, this chick just went off on me! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7792 How could I know it was THE Wall? People on both sides kept yelling Jump! Jump! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7793 Plymouth gin, hold the rocks. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7794 Novelette, that's what I heard. That our relationship had all the right ingredients for a great novelette. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7795 You still think I'm a tough egg to crack, right? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7796 You got a seatbelt to go with that drink? 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7797 I’d order a glass of syrup, but then you’d think I’m scrambled. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7798 This time the wall fell On me. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7799 They keep making that wall higher and higher. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7800 A Crazy Stallion and a Johnie Walker to put me back together again, please. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7801 Jimmy, the King's Men don't get another shot until I get another shot. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7802 This stool is significantly shorter than, say, a wall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7803 Don’t be hard boiled. Sunny side up! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7804 She said, I'll show you who has a fragile ego. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7805 A comedian walked into a bar and more than cracked me up. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7806 Talk about a tough break...first I fall off the wall, now the wagon. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7807 A pint of Advocaat, please. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7808 Gimme one over easy, hold the rocks this time. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7809 Humpty Dumpty’s day off. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7810 Don't worry, they said that I'm doing unbelievably well! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7811 And here I believed him when he said the Mexicans would pick up the tab for the fall as well. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7812 The other guy got scrambled 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7813 One Boilermaker, bartender. And keep 'em comin'. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7814 Turns out all the king's horses and all the king's men isn't a top-notch insurance plan after all. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7815 Humpty, can I recommend doctors? King's men and their horses? What were you thinking?! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7816 When did it become so hard to be a white eggshell? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7817 I coulda been a contender, but my cutman drank too much. Revenge 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7818 Great. I proved the second law of thermodynamics. Now give me a brandy boiled in ale. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7819 IF ANYBODY NEEDED DRINK, IT'S ME 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7820 2020. I came back for THIS? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7821 Humpty tried to live up to his name...said he wanted me over easy. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7822 No! No! No! Anyway but "On the Rocks" 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7823 Any king's horses about? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7824 I was just sitting on this wall near Tijuana, when out of nowhere comes this obese guy with orange hair, screaming something about treasonous desecration of U.S. government property, who then proceeds to try to make a jumbo sized omelet out of me. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7825 All the king's horses and all the king's men don't hold a candle to your stiffest drink, Jimmy. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7826 I was watching the news about the anti-mask protestors and I cracked up. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7827 I’ve heard of battling high cholesterol, but geez. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7828 Everyonetps://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/contest 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7829 So you fell for the wrong girl, don't beat yourself up Humpty 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7830 A cop pushed me off a wall. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7831 Next time, DO NOT listen to me when I say, "Make it so strong I'll need the kings horses and men crap " 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7832 Well, sure, it WAS a pretty great fall, but the landing... 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7833 Fortunately, all the kings horses and all the Kong’s men weren’t my last resort! 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7834 Trumpty Dumpty...oh that’s rich! Just pour!! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7835 I just found out that white fragility doesn’t qualify as a pre-existing condition. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7836 Yeah OSHA's going to be pissed. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7837 One more crack like that and the yolk’s on me 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7838 I sat on wall, had a great fall... make that a high ball. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7839 So how was your day? Let's just say, I'm retiring. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7840 I know it's in fashion to bash the cops these days, but honestly, all the king's horses and all the king's men did a pretty good job. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7841 How come you get away without wearing a mask? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7842 Make it a double Mac. This Covid business has me starting to crack. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7843 I can tell you the code name is Dumpty,Dumpty,Dumpty” 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7844 Man I need a drink! I have a bad Egg acke 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7845 There was this wall, it was higher than I thought......... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7846 Do you know how to make a Humpty Wallbanger? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7847 Shaken not cracked" 00 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7848 No, not the screwdriver now! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7849 Humpty Dumpty had a great vodka and soda! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7850 ............fell off the ladder climbing up to sit on some dam wall! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7851 Well, hair of the dog is better than prairie oysters. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7852 This is why I shouldn't drink in the mornings 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7853 HE SAID, LET'S DO LUNCH. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7854 Not on the rocks this time. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7855 ...and what sort of ruler sends HORSES to the scene of an accident? I sure hope the next guy has a better healthcare system! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7856 It was quite a spill, but whatever just cracks me only makes me stronger. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7857 It's true what they say about making an omelette. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7858 I fell off the wagon after I fell off the wall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7859 What wall? I was hit with Covid. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7860 What`s a president’s ego gotta do to get a drink around here? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7861 It's a hard world out there. Hit me again! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7862 I heard Dr. McCoy was in here earlier downing doubles. Bones may drink too much but he sure can work miracles. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7863 All the King's men claim it was a "Floydean slip" 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7864 Oh no! If I drink that I'm afraid I'll fall off this stool. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7865 I shell not tell a lie; a statue of George Washington toppled over on me." 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7866 They say “be a nest egg, it’s a good gig.” Good gig, my ass. I’d rather be an omelette. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7867 Oh,Humpty,no. It's an expression - you don't actually knock em back. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7868 I’m never going to the clover club again. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7869 This is an exigent situation The best elixir you have, please. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7870 Luckily I had all the Queen's men. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7871 My boss said Mexico would pay for my workman's comp. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7872 Put this one on my Medicare tab 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7873 Has that cure been recommended by the White House? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7874 ...and then she said,we have to scramble. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7875 Anything but a Pisco sour! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7876 A double. Twitter was brutal today. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7877 Heck, since they couldn't put me together again, I figured I well try falling off the wagon and see what happens. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7878 All I did was complain about the dwindling premium wall space. Next thing I know, I am on the ground with all the others. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7879 I guess a pick-me-up will have to do. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7880 Of course, I have egg on my face; I had a run-in with those Italian coke boars. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7881 Did anyone ever consider that he may possess a masochistic quality? 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7882 First there was a wall. Then a fall. Then horses. Then men. I just can’t put it all back together again. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7883 'I wouldn't be so upset if it weren't an only 'okay' fall." 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7884 Now, unfortunately I can’t put you back together, Mr. Dumpty. But have you seen our specialty egg white cocktails? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7885 Sure, it was great. I was great. But then what? Nobody asks you that until it's too late. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7886 You might want to slow down on the bourbon given your Humpty Dumpty Status! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7887 A double, please — I hear they're lucky. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7888 You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, my ass! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7889 Gimme a Harvey Wallbanger, I've been scrambling all day. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7890 If my white coagulates, at least it won't seep through the cracks. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7891 Give me a whisky sour with egg whites; at this point I really don't give a damn. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7892 This social distancing is hard, hard I tell ya. Now give me a stiff one before I completely crack up. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7893 I’m not the one who should have a great fall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7894 BREAKING NEWS! Superman found disguised as a bartender. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7895 I'll have a King's Horses with a twist of King's Men. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7896 One more won't hurt. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7897 It just feels like people have been waling all over me lately 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7898 And when I looked up, no one was there to help, no one... Damn corona. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7899 Give me something strong, I feel like I hit my head on a brick wall. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7900 Are you sure you want to fall off the wagon too? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7901 I've always said to my conservative friends a wall is not the solution. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7902 So my wife found out that I was “humptying” someone else, and ended up “dumptying” me real bad. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7903 I was attacked by this angry mob of Hams. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7904 No, I do not want to crack open some nuts. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7905 I appreciate a joke that cracks me up, but this was beyond over easy! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7906 Make it a triple -- I want to scramble my brain. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7907 Poor me a double, Eddie, I fell off another wall. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7908 ...and my insurance won’t even cover the $175,000 I owe to all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7909 All the Kings horses can’t touch this 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7910 We're all a little bit cracked... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7911 Please make it double 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7912 Better make it a double, the president wants me at a debriefing in an hour. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7913 Make it a triple. I just lost my job at Wall Mart. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7914 I'm NOT exaggerating...I really do care about my health... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7915 Make it a double, the King's men are coming on horseback after all. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7916 Add a raw egg please? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7917 I heard, "Get the joke?" He heard, "Get the yolk!" 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7918 The COVID-19 bar scene ain't all it's cracked up to be. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7919 Tough day on the wall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7920 Can you put an immunity boost in that? 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7921 They were wearing sombreros, and I'm pretty sure they said where I could stick the wall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7922 Why not, I've already fallen off the wall. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7923 Humpty Wallbanger please 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7924 Make it a double, I finally hit bottom. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7925 Another King's Horseman, bartender. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7926 The trouble today is too many kids carrying spoons. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7927 I've disappointed a lot of men; and horses. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7928 Just sittin' there, minding my own when a bunch of immigrants just climbed right past me. I thought that wall would be impervious! Guess not. I'm feelin' like Humpty. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7929 Make it a double, I found out the King’s horses and men are still in quarantine. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7930 And then all the king's horses and all the king's men trampled the *@&^% out of me. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7931 What did I tell you about sitting on that wall? You never listen. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7932 You actually fell off the wall? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7933 I'm sorry. I thought a wall would be the right answer. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7934 All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't do what you can! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7935 ...and I’m just so tired of so-called “friends” saying I have a problem. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7936 This secret I am holding is starting to crack me! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7937 No horses. No Men. So, pour me another! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7938 Talk about a bad hangover. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7939 After the Summer we're having I don't know how I'll handle another Fall 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7940 What egghead did this to you? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7941 This will run right through me. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7942 ...and they said the fall would be "great" 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7943 Horses & King’s men are way overrated. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7944 Well, it took the Queen’s horses, too. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7945 How about a spiked egg custard? 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7946 ‘’And then I asked: what the plan for Easter?’ 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7947 I wish people would stop asking for beaten eggwhites on their cocktails. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7948 ... and that’s why I am never getting out of my shell again. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7949 All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men were home with Covid or working at protests so “I” had to try and put myself together again. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7950 Him with that wall again!!! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7951 It was a rough night on the wall last night, so I'm having a little hair of the dog. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7952 Well, all the Queen’s Corgis and all the Queen’s women did a pretty good job, imho. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7953 Who doesn’t risk, doesn’t drink champagne” they say.. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7954 I didn't fall, I was pushed by the men and the horses who were trying to scramble me. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7955 I suggest that you quit putting so much importance on the latest poll numbers. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7956 Hell no, I don’t want an egg white in my cocktail! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7957 After he threw the first punch, I said, 'The yolk's on you.' 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7958 The king’s horses just stood around! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7959 The King's men thought I was a BROWN egg. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7960 Okay, I won’t press charges if you stop selling eggnog. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7961 Don’t give me that look Burt. So I fell off the Damn wall Again. No Kings’s horses or anything like that . I even took myself to the hospital . Sheesh! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7962 Humpty Dumpty had a bad day ! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7963 Si Senor, that wall is not like it used to be. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7964 Omelet you decide 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7965 I got cracked open by some very mean egg beaters. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7966 I had a run in with all the king’s horses and men. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7967 I promised Carol no more wall sitting and now I'm gonna need all the King's couples therapists. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7968 The bandages help, but I'm awaiting a series of pain-relieving shots. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7969 I have battle cracks from the wall fall, the shutdown spill, the coronavirus crash, the Tulsa Trainwreck ... 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7970 King's horses and King's men can't do what a double scotch can. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7971 Make it a double, one for the king’s horses and one for the king’s men. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7972 Extra egg-white for my drink. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7973 All I remember is a giant Cheeto saying my fall was "Great!" and that he'd cover my Barr Bill. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7974 OK, one more. I don't want to get scrambled. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7975 Make it a double, the party wasn't all it was cracked up to be. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7976 Give me the egg dumpling 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7977 Do you have something stronger than an egg cream? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7978 Nothing like some gin to put me back together again. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7979 Got an egg for my noggin? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7980 Oh, what’s one more fall!? Give me another! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7981 I hope that's not the King's reserve. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7982 after wall 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7983 First you run me over with your car and now you're egging me on to become an alcoholic? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7984 It's tough on Wall Street. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7985 Are you sure that will help? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7986 This has to be my last round. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7987 These kids think I look like Humpy Dumpy - I’ve had enough! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7988 Do you know a good chiropractor? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7989 That eggnog will knock him out 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7990 OK, so maybe I am a little cracked up, just be a good egg and pour, OK? 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7991 A double should put me back together again! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7992 No more for me- I’ll be fried in the morning. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7993 Because 2020, that's how. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7994 I think I’m just gonna give you water this time.. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
7995 Make it a double. All I said to the guy was don't egg me on! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7996 Better make that ginger ale, Joe. My heads still a little scrambled from last night. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7997 All the King’s horses, my foot. What’d they ever do for me? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
7998 You look like you ran into a cop! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7999 Whiskey Sour, no egg white please. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8000 Hair of the dog? No, how bout a Harvy Wallbanger? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8001 Egg heads are intelligent kind people but you know it is a racist country out there. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8002 I was knocked off, you will be seeing a lot more just like me. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8003 Mrs. Dumpty caught me cheating and pushed me off the wall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8004 Great fall, my hulk! I was pushed off”! 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8005 I Asked for “ sunny side up!” 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8006 ...and then, I fell off of this wall. Ugh! What a day. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8007 No I didn’t say omelette, you bastard. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8008 I’ll have all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8009 Boy, do I need that! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8010 Don't believe the police report. I didn't trip. Truth is All the King's Horses and All the King's Men, they all kept beating me, again and again. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8011 It was either Boogaloo, Antifa, or all the King's horses and men. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8012 I guess ordering a Tito's martini in an upstairs bar in Moscow was not such a good idea. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8013 Apparently Kintsugi is not covered by medicare 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8014 Ever felt like you have been kicked by a horse? Thought he could help. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8015 Forgot my wallet 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
8016 Make it an "over easy." 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8017 I thought Wall Street would have been a little more stable by now. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8018 Forget the egg nog. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8019 I can't believe how all the king's horses and all the king's men blew it so badly. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8020 Anything but rum. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8021 ... and this is what all the King’s horses and men did. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8022 Had to put a hold on composing a melody for those lyrics; lost too much albumen in the fall. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8023 ... here this will help you put it all back together... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8024 This Spring makes my Fall seem even greater. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8025 Yes, a double. But hold all the King's Horses and all the King's men. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8026 I should have asked some questions when asked to be part of a boilermaker threesome. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8027 I had a great fall...but an awful winter and spring. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8028 Don’t start with that “all of his horses and all of his men” stuff, how do you think I got this way? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8029 Who is this guy humpy dumpty anyway? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8030 Hair of the dog, know what I mean? 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8031 Looks like you could use a drink... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8032 No mask, no drinks. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8033 I'm suing all the all the king's men including their horses. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8034 "Wearing a pants suit doesn't make me less delicate, so make it a double." 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8035 It was the King’s men who did this. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8036 It was a stupid bet and I fell for it. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8037 If it weren't for the ambiance, I'd find a bar with lower stools. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8038 I want a divorce. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8039 I had a great fall, but spring has been brutal. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8040 Make it an adhesive and make it a double. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8041 Apparently, they didn't like my hat. It's "MEGA" with an "E". 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8042 Since the outbreak of Ovoid-19 I've been in pretty bad shape. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8043 The horses were OK, but all the king's men were murder. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8044 Humpty will now fall off the wagon. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8045 How much for a dozen of those? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8046 Don't suppose you have some hot sauce to go along with that, I'm pretty scrambled. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8047 The King's hospital put me together again, but when I saw the bill, I almost wish they hadn't. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8048 great? does it look like it was great 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8049 What eggsactly happened I couldn't tell you, I just went into shell shock. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8050 The doctors in my HMO are just a herd of the king's horses. 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
8051 I got pushed off a wall! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8052 I thought it is the end of the universe! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8053 King's Horses. Straight. Make it a double. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
8054 Is it organic? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8055 No whiskey... scotch, neat. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
8056 Humpty dumpty walked into a bar...and into a bar...and into a bar🤕 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8057 COVID-19 hit me hard 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8058 I walked into the bar the last time 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8059 I assume you do not want a Pisco Sour, Humphrey? 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8060 ... Here try this Bleach ...I hear it can cure anything 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8061 Neat...I cant deal with anything rocks anymore 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8062 @katieleenotkatie Make it a double, I’ve been through shell and back. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8063 You've probably never heard anything like my story before. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8064 The police will say I fell off a wall, but they were the ones that caused my fall. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8065 Whiskey please. Trump’s men put me together, I wish they hadn’t done that. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8066 Did I ask for the reassembly effort? I did not. Make it a double. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8067 remind me not to sing Kara-yolky 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8068 Humpty Dumpty, sad at the bar Humpty Dumpty had some alcohol All the alkies and all the bar's men Couldn't put broken Humpty together again 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8069 Ugh... Wall Street. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8070 Thanks but I don’t drink—I only came here because this pandemic has revealed just how lonely humanity has become amidst a lifestyle rooted in digital entertainment and social media. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8071 Once upon a time in 2020, I sat on a wall and had a great fall. . 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8072 Are you sure you want a drink? I don’t want you turning into eggnog. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8073 Getting fired or fried have me all scrambled 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8074 ... and so he said, make Humpty together again. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8075 Yeah. But you should see all the King’s horses and all the King’s men. 1.0986 0.04555 71 66 3 2
8076 I told you not to offend k-pop stans 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8077 I like you, Lloyd...I always have... 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8078 Yolk me! Better make it a double. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8079 After Humpty fell from the wall everyone pretended not to know him. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8080 I have had a bad day - hope that not a whisky sour you are making! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8081 You should have seen the other basket. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8082 All I wanted was a closer look at ‘the wall.’ Next thing you know, bam! These dudes on horseback are tryin’ to patch me up. My brain’s been scrambled ever since. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8083 Hit me with another one. The First Responders just let me know they won’t be showing up the next time I take a dive… 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8084 I was just sittin' there on this wall! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8085 I just don't think I can get back on the wall this time. 1.0986 0.04555 71 66 3 2
8086 ...a Harvey Wallbanger. Hair of the dog. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8087 Another Wallbanger?” 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8088 I fell off the carton again. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8089 so much for horses and men! 1.0986 0.04555 71 66 3 2
8090 Listen, the last one just kind of ran out. Are you sure you can hold your liquor? 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8091 Geeze Mac, dating in 2020 is brutal. I'd rather jump off a wall. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8092 Cracking under the pressure? 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8093 I've got humans. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8094 Didn’t I tell you not to sit on the wall while drinking? 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8095 So there I was, in Lafayette Square, Minding my own business... 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8096 I’m walking home. What could possibly go wrong? 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8097 Don’t complain to me about some virus! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8098 I've sung it before: I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down.. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8099 Make it a double! That orange-top king and all of his men keep insisting I will have a job on some wall down south and force me to practice jumping off a green statue in the New York harbor. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8100 Do you have a wall of fame that you could put me up on? 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8101 Oh honey, they don’t make king’s men like they used to. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8102 Humphrey Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty had a beer and a ball! 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8103 Better make it a double, Joe! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8104 Should have worn my mask." Debbie Miller, Sitka, Alask 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8105 So all the King's Horses and all the King's Men said,"Sorry mate, can't help you. Try the King's Head." 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8106 Being an egg is not as cracked up as it’s supposed to be. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8107 Can I get a table, instead of sitting here? 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8108 Sorry, I wanted the Black Label. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8109 I wish they'd have let the horses work alone! 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8110 There used to be a lot more of us out there, man. We're still in power but the people seem to have lost their cool with us. Keep going...make that nog a double. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8111 My police force did this to me for no reason and then my city councilors increased their funding and the supreme court has spent years making itself airtight from complaints from people like me. I wish I could get housing/edu./job, but I was convicte 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8112 They never say what happens after you fall off the wall 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8113 Could you please look at me while I’m cracking? 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8114 Hey, Trumpty Dumpty, looks like you had a great fall! 1.0986 0.04555 71 66 3 2
8115 Hold the whites. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8116 Why the sad face? That’s an old one-you crack me up! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8117 NO WAY I'M SHELLING OUT FOR ANOTHER! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8118 I did it for the vine 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8119 If I had known this before I sat on the wall 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8120 You're not the hard-boiled type, Mr Dumpty. But a drop of this might help to pickle you. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8121 Ill skip the eggnog tonight. Just give me a Wallbanger. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8122 Seriously, they couldn’t put me back together again... 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8123 I think you've had egg-nough 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8124 All the King's horses and all the King's men are on 2 week self -quarantine. 1.0986 0.04555 71 66 3 2
8125 All the kings' horses were quite helpful, but all the king's men didn't know what to do. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8126 if antifa was considered a terrorist organization any sooner, i never would’ve had to look this way 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8127 All The King's Horses" is not cutting it. Pour me a double of "All The King's Men" 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
8128 And then I said: "That yolks not funny". 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8129 I never should have sat on that wall. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
8130 I suppose I should be drinking a HARVEY WALL BANGER 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
8131 nan 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
8132 so then, I guess, they just wanted to make an EGGxample out of me. To show, how powerful they really are 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
8133 All the King's hoarseness gave me a headache . . . 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
8134 I'll pass on the Harvey Wallbanger thanks! 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
8135 Better make that a double Sam. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
8136 drinking milk probably wont help at this point 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8137 And that’s eegactly what happened 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8138 Did you post your opinion on social media, again? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8139 It wasn’t even a wall this time, but a 649 mile fence 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8140 A real hangover is when you can't stand the Bromo-Seltzer noise. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8141 But they were the ones who pushed me off in the first place 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8142 I'm buying for the guy behind me. Poor fellow is an empty shell 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8143 I saw the lay-off coming, but it still hurt. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8144 Dang. 2020 really isn’t my year...everything I do is 3 steps forward and 1 fall back 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8145 That hole came out of nowhere. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8146 Can you clean off that low top? - I got 11 coming 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8147 No ones ever asks “but humpty, what made you sit on the wall???” 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8148 If only Trump knew how to build a sturdy wall 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8149 Trump didnt make those walls very comfortable...who was he thinking of? 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8150 Wait, is this a bar? I thought I just gave a speech... what's happening? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8151 Joe, do you think you can make one to drown all the king's horses? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8152 You gotta get out of the wall game Humpty. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8153 The king's men were so helpful that I'm now on the fence about the yoke of imperialism. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8154 I’m sorry I didn’t mean to keep teetering on about myself 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8155 I tried to eggxit this cruel world, but meddlesome dogooders succeeded in putting me back together. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8156 goodnights are hidden goodbyes in disguise 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8157 Yes this is great idea to pay now 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8158 -Burying the hatch eggs?! -Egg-xactly 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8159 That better be stronger than all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8160 Pour me a drink, I had a great fall! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8161 Normally, all the king’s horses and men show up, but they were in quarantine. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8162 This will be harder to “put back together again” than the fall out to the Tulsa rally. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8163 Turns out they could only physically put me back together. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8164 Humpty had a great fall. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8165 Liquor is the only thing that can put Humpty Dumpty together again 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8166 Nah, I’m good.... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8167 Better make it a double 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8168 Well, I hope your spring was better than your fall 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8169 uh I suppose I'd better give you some sleeping pills this time 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8170 The same as last time? Will burn a little bit 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8171 I don’t care how coddled you say you are, no whisky will turn you hard!! That’s Tequila. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8172 All the king's horses and all the king's men...it was them...they did this to me. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8173 Pssh, 2020...First the wall, now the wagon. What the hell, make it a double Larry. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8174 Spring wasn’t so great 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8175 That wall was so very tall...the Border Patrol greased it, I couldn’t help but fall. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8176 Did humty trumpty fall, again? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8177 Bruised, beaten and bourbon in hand 🥚🩹🥃 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8178 So I sez to her, all the king's hosses and and all the king's men couldna do it, but baby, you complete me. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8179 ‘I’ve got an audition for a remake of ‘All The President’s Men’ later. Meringue check?’ 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8180 I really feel like I’ve hit rock bottom this time. @ryguyflyby 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8181 2020, huh? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8182 My health insurance in the bars 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8183 So there I was hopping 2020 to be great year and pow then all of a sudden I was wondering what hit me... 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8184 the chicken arrived early and said you would come. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8185 After the fall, no more wall, just the street. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8186 Don’t worry they said... is three miles long... they said... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8187 Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall after he fell off his 3mile wall. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8188 It appears the king's men still Camry get it together 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8189 I'll have it over easy, captain. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8190 Oh it was all the King’s men...though thank god I’m white or I’d have been scrambled 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8191 so, I was going to just walk away, but they kept egging me on!" 👏 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8192 this days u have to walk on egg shell about anything u say 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8193 Well, I had a great Fall, but these last few months have been terrible. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8194 So, how exactly, does one become a bartender?” “I want to do something useful, during this whole, Covid-19, thing, ya know? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8195 If you ask me, the fall wasn’t that great. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8196 Whaddya mean you don't serve (hic) pickled eggs?! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8197 I gotta stop coming here before I go sit on the wall. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8198 If all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can’t, maybe whiskey will. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8199 I don't know...he just kept egging me on. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8200 ...the king's horses were actually pretty good at it--oh, make it a double please. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8201 Well, after I fell off the wagon I fell off the wall, same old story. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8202 My wall is great. Maybe not so sturdy, but it's a great wall! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8203 Make it eggstra strong, please! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8204 Hey make it a double will you ?Even eggheads lives matter! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8205 I picked the wrong year to take over for Baby New Year 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8206 He said, "I love eggnog." Then he got kinda rough. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8207 Make it a double, Doug. I’m cooped up in a loveless marriage.” 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8208 t's supposed to be a good rehab; a buddy went there and got a job with Fabergé. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8209 It all started when I was sitting on a wall. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8210 Sheesh it’s a good thing I don't have any nuts or they woulda kicked me there too... 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8211 Boy imagine what would’ve happened if I’d been an old black guy sitting on that wall? 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8212 You better go easy, I don't want to fall off the stool again. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8213 So I says to the King, "Well , I guess I'll just take a short fall of the wagon then..." 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8214 Thank you, but I really can’t hold more than one. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8215 No, I wasn't injured in a fight. I'm not one of those hard-boiled types. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8216 Ah, together again 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8217 All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men told me this drink is on the house. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8218 I'm just sitting on the wall, and they keep pushing me off. It's no yolk. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8219 ...anything to help me forget about that wall. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8220 I tell you this city is not all that it is cracked up to be! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8221 I don't want another Wallbanger. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8222 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall. Then he fell of the wagon. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8223 One more, then I gotta get back. I'm working on this album cover for a band called Pink Floyd. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8224 Sure I had a great fall, but this winter's been brutal. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8225 The world’s not all it’s cracked up to be, that’s for sure! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8226 There you are, sir; this'll put you together again. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8227 No anesthesia, so they said to come here. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8228 A bunch of horses and men dropped me off here. I thought they ruffed me up a bit but I just fell. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8229 I almost got beaten last night! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8230 Then, they called in the Queen. Now (2020), might be another good time to call the Queen. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8231 It was one heck of a fall off that White House Wall! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8232 I thought there was going to be Bacon Lettuce and Mayo... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8233 I guess I should avoid the whites-only crowd. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8234 Wow! Thinking up new COVID-19 rules gives me a splitting headache. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8235 Lately I'm just feeling really dumpty. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8236 I knew it wouldn't go over easy, but I told them I wouldn't flip for nobody... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8237 Politics is not what it is cracked up to be. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8238 Better make it a double...it has been one of “those” days in the wall! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8239 My name? Harvey, of course! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8240 Are you sure? I don’t want to be responsible for you falling off the stool, too. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8241 Hmmm...Wonder if he knows about the eggshell skull defense! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8242 Yep, my name is 2020, how did you know? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8243 Ow! That wall isn't all it's cracked up to be 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8244 And please, no more cracks about falling off the wagon. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8245 All the king's men? Fine. I wouldn't recommend the horses, though. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8246 The king's horses and men couldn't do a damn thing for me, call 911. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8247 So he calls me "Egghead" and I just ... I cracked and went after him. Everything after that is a blur, just totally scrambled. Could have been worse if my friend hadn't whisked me away. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8248 DOUBLE WHAT ! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8249 Let me tell you, when it comes to putting an egg back together again, the king’s horses have no idea what they are doing!!! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8250 When I say hit me again, I mean the DRINK, Sal. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8251 What really kills me is after the fall, they’re all gone. Did anyone say anything about my getting to the top of wall? What I’m doing now? Nothing. Nada. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8252 Double Harvey Wallbanger! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8253 The King got new horses and men, obviously still not perfect though. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8254 I,m glad. You don't look like a king's man to me. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8255 Think they'd call a doctor? No! Look what all the king's horses and all the king's men did to me. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8256 So you're claiming if this happened in England, I would get treatment from all of the king's horses 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8257 I'd be a masochist if I have another Eggnog. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8258 Had a great fall, but winter, spring and summer... not so much. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8259 I don't know what set her off. We both reached for the taxi door and all I said was "I came first!" 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8260 And if I weren’t so hard boiled it would have been even worse. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8261 What is this, some kind of a yolk? 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8262 What's the pour if I sat on a rickety bar stool? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8263 Get ready to serve up all the king's horses and all the king's men... cus tonight we're getting blitzed. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8264 Yeah, you'd think I wouldn't order a Harvey Wallbanger... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8265 In hindsight, being put back together might not have been such a good idea. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8266 Hey Harvey, please don't serve me another Wallbanger. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8267 You should’ve seen the other guy—yolk’s on him. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8268 So which do think is worse- falling off the wall, or falling off the wagon? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8269 Fall? Hell, look at me just heading into summer. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8270 Do you have any egg nog? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8271 I’ll have mine over easy ! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8272 You wouldn 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8273 What makes you think that ..All the King's Horses and All the King's Men..might be successful this time? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8274 It came out of nowhere! She just dumpt me! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8275 They called me a "blankety-blank egghead." That's all I remember. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8276 Yes. Literally defund the police. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8277 Oh man-2020 has been a bitch! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8278 Make it a hard boilermaker, Joe. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8279 I got jumped by five of ‘em with spoons. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8280 Well, son, this ain't the place to get yourself back together again. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8281 I'm telling ya, the walls keep getting higher. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8282 I used to live at a farm then they took me and my friend away I was the only survivor 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8283 I still maintain I was first!!!! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8284 2020 has been a rough year so far...which is too bad because I had such a great Fall" 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8285 I'm just saying, if I hear "you crack me up" one more time...……….. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8286 The king's men were trying to help, but the king's horses kicked the **** out of me. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8287 Put it together, man 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8288 I really got into the part and they fired me 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8289 So I said, “No, YOUR mother’s a chicken...” Same old story: taken from my parents before birth, scheduled to be eaten, dyed pastel. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8290 Humpty Dumpty sat at a bar, Humpty Dumpty drank too much liquer, He built a big wall ‘cause this time he’s deviled, But his head is still cracked and his toupee disheveled. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8291 So then, all the king's horses and all the king's men... 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8292 Let me tell you, after what happened at breakfast time, I know which kind of cup this egg would rather be at the bottom of. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8293 None of the king's horses and none of the king's men were certified EMTs. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8294 Of course--but don't expect another tip from me! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8295 The big difference between me and the President? He loves walls, I hate walls! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8296 I'm passing on all the king's horse and all the king's men and going straight for a Moscow Mule. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8297 And then the wall said... 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8298 Just one more. You’re already plastered! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8299 He gave me some line about omelettes so I told him he could suck this. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8300 It hurts like hell but the Fed may have actually done the impossible. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8301 I said no rocks! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8302 Trump didn't finish his wall between us and Mexico. He's lost my vote in 2020! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8303 Listen. Easter baskets are not all they’re cracked up to be. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8304 Sorry about the whiskey sour 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8305 Bed of Roses? Too late for jagermeister now. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8306 Anything but an omelette 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8307 40 foot fall is nothing to yolk about. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8308 Is this the All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men Pub? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8309 It's not all its cracked up to be 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8310 It was a wall not a wagon. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8311 What ! You drink a bottle of Jack, fall off a wall and it's my fault? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8312 Which wall, pal? Berlin or Southern border? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8313 My brother found out I was sleeping with his girlfriend. That chick is crazy anyway. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8314 I guess what I’m saying is that horses don’t really make for great medics, I guess it’s mostly the not having hands thing. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8315 Job's not all it's cracked up to be, eh pal? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8316 It all happened when I fell off the wall 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8317 I know it won't help, but give me a double "All The King's Men". 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8318 They came looking for trouble and all the police horses and all of the men just couldn’t get it together. Again. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8319 No yolk; I'm just trying to hang on 'til the eggonomic recovery kicks in. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8320 I'm afraid that might go right through me. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8321 Woo woo WTF ... no more Harvey Wallbangers! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8322 Make it a double, there’s a second wave coming. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8323 Make it a double . I tried to egg on Mike Tyson . 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8324 Give me a prairie oyster cocktail... hold the egg. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8325 How did your interview for the stock market mascot go? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8326 Oh no, I might have trouble drinking that with one hand. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8327 No thanks. I’ll have a chocolate egg cream. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8328 It was going pretty well until the king brought the horses to help. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8329 that white cop said something about eggs and omelets 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8330 My mother always said I was a bad egg. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8331 No thanks, last night I put one shot too many in my egg noggin. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8332 That’ll teach me to go shark diving cage free. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8333 Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the social net -- all the king's horses and all the king's men -- but, what in Heaven's name made want to go sit on a wall? 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8334 Captain Morgan works much better than all the king's men. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8335 They said it would be a “great fall.” It wasn’t. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8336 'Double Harvey Wallbanger, please.' 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8337 Take my advice, stay away from Wall street. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8338 Screw it, may as well try a pickled egg, too. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8339 I can't find a mask that fits my face 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8340 Since the accident, my brain has been feeling a little scrambled. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8341 The King's men were able to put my shell back together but they couldn't fix what broke inside me 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8342 Make it a double, pal. I’m eggasperated! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8343 Hold the egg whites, please. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8344 Make it a double and put it on the king's horses tab 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
8345 I'm in so much pain. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
8346 Make it an egg creamed! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
8347 All the King's horses and all the King's men? I needed a medical professional! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8348 I’m about to crack. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8349 I said make it a J.B. ... as in Weld 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8350 I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8351 I'm 2020, give me something strong. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8352 You’d think they would have mentioned you’re an egg. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8353 Looks like I’ve humped my last dump. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8354 you’re not wearing a mask but, here, you look like you need it 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8355 With the stress of it all right now, it’s hard not to crack. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8356 Fall off the wall; why not fall off the wagon? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8357 where did I go wrong... 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8358 That’s the last time I sit on Trump’s wall 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8359 glad I didn’t have have to rely on all those kings horses and all those Kong’s men! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8360 I think next time I'll just go to a hospital instead. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8361 Humpty, this one’s on the house... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8362 Bar tender - " Make America great again" ; Mr. President - What's expiation? Just pour another 14% intoxicated liquor! 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8363 This whole wall thing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8364 The usual Mr Humpty? "Yes, Whiskey sour without egg whites" 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8365 Humpty Dumpty went to bed, bumped his head and woke up in a bar the next morning 😴🍻 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8366 They fixed me but I am empty inside. Fill me up! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8367 The inefficiency of the king’s horses and men can be overcome by a glass of Old Monk rum 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8368 Make it strong 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8369 Falling from heaven didn't hurt half as bad as getting stood up. So yes I'll have another, Derek. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8370 Really Joe? “Look on the sunny side?” I need to seriously think about my future. I might not get so lucky the next time. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8371 Humpty dumpty sat at a bar, humpty dumpty had a few more, humpty dumpty fell off a stool 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8372 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, / Humpty Dumpty wanted a highball; / All the King's horses and all the King's men / Could open all the bars again. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8373 I do not know who hit first 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8374 Like I said, NONE of the King’s horses and NONE of the King’s men... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8375 Since when did they militarize the King’s men? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8376 I know...it is only April 19, 2020... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8377 'Aaouch no rocks please, walking on egg shells was enough!!' 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8378 Now I really want to get hammered! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8379 and then his husband came home... 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8380 I’ll have another - 2020 has been a hard fall. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8381 Cheers to a better Fall. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8382 I know eggsactly what to give you! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8383 It’s rough out there for eggheads 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8384 not an eggcellent week for me, mate 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8385 I feel like I'm about to crack... 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8386 They said in order to put me back together again, I’ll have to put myself back together FIRST. Make it a double, please. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8387 smoking inside is dangerous. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8388 Here’s to you having a great fall 🍂 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8389 Well I’ll tell ya, mergers and acquisitions isn’t for everybody 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8390 Alcohol soup for the broken egghead! 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8391 Today was Sonny's egg-drop high-school competition... we finished second... 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8392 Don’t worry about me...Yolk’s on them anyway 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8393 School is out for summer. No more storytime until fall. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8394 I'm thinking of switching jobs - my insurance only covers all the king's horses putting me together again, not the king's men. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8395 Pour me one more I wanna get scrambled 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8396 Whiskey sour, hold the egg white. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8397 How’s 2020 treating ya pal? 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8398 Humpty Trumpty sat on a stool, and realized in 2020 he looked like a fool. . 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8399 Alex, that’s your egg white privilege talking again. You don’t know what it’s like to be thrown into a real omelette. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8400 Yeah, all the King’s horses and all the King’s men weren’t of much help either. They stomped me out after I fell and told the judge it was because I had a gun. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8401 «Just give me the drink. I don’t wanna talk about it” 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8402 James Harrison put me next to his bicep, so I thought he is comparing the size, and then... 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8403 All I said was egg first 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8404 I don't know why being free-range had anything to do with it 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8405 I thought that time I fell off the wall was bad, but 2020 might just break me. 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8406 It looks bad, because it was bad. I’m the only one from the basket that survived 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8407 2020 is the new wall. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8408 Hump days...Am I right?" -Brittany Jewell 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8409 Hair of the dog. Cures a splitting headache. 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8410 Meeting all the King’s horses and all of his men? Yeah, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8411 Where are all the King’s men? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8412 It wasn’t the wall. It was 2020. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8413 They pretend to care but their systemic solidarity fell through the cracks 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8414 wait... why do you have that giant wine bottle of glue again? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8415 Looks like you’ve fallen off the wall a few too many times, let’s make this one a virgin 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8416 Humpty Dumpty sat on a bar, “Gimme a long shot! I survived my greatest fall” and just like that Humpty was together again. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8417 I used to be able to do the Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8418 Fact is, I am Humpty. They left Dumpty on the other side of the wall 😢 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8419 ‘Make it a Flip. All the Kings Horses really knocked the stuffing out of me.’ 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8420 How boiled up are you, soft or hard? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8421 Please, sir, a little eggxtra. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8422 Now I know why they call it a Harvey Wallbanger. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8423 Humpty Dumpty sat in a bar Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the bartender's shots, and all the bartender's cocktails Couldn't put Humpty together again. 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8424 ferget about 'im - 'e wuz a bad yegg 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8425 On the rocks—like my landing. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8426 My boss got poached. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8427 Oh no! Don’t tell me he is making eggnog! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8428 I can’t remember. What happened after last call? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8429 Why did she dump me? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8430 That's enough Harvey Wallbangers. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8431 It all started when I found this wall... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8432 Turns out that climbing the wall was the easy part. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8433 I only wish the EMTs had gotten to me before all the King's men. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8434 Are you sure you want a egg cream? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8435 Hump dee is Wednesdee, Humpty. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8436 A shorter stool with my drink, please. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8437 Now I'm fighting acrophobia. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8438 One egg-nog on the rocks coming right up! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8439 I think it was just a poor design 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8440 I knew I should've waited for the 'WALK' sign... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8441 GIBVE ME JUST ONE DRINK ON THW HOUSE. I USED TO BE A MR MEN 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8442 Tried Mexico to pay for your injuries ? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8443 The President’s gaff cracked me up. 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8444 These bar stools should have foot rests. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8445 No, not THAT wall! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8446 That's what pushed me over! Got aspirin? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8447 All I asked for was an omelet 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8448 Can't we all just make an omelette? 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8449 Is it safe to eat raw eggs? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8450 Keep pouring. I might be hard-boiled but I’m still going to pieces. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8451 whiskey just cracks me up! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8452 I went to a Pink Floyd concert; fortunately the Kingsmen were the opening act! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8453 O.K. one more no more, an don't fall off the chair because I don't feel like cleaning up all that yoke! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8454 One of the king's horses sent me. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8455 What the hell, after that wall, why not the wagon? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8456 Hipster egg 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8457 Make it a large one. I'm celebrating - they said it couldn't be done. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8458 But I never wanted to make an omelet! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8459 All the king’s horses walk into a bar... 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8460 Anything's fine. Just nothing on the rocks. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8461 Stirred, please. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8462 So Joe, as I was sayin', All the King's horses and all the King's men........ 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8463 I think the King's men could use some advice. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8464 I'll have duct tape on the rocks, Sam 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8465 I guess I have no shot with the chicks until the bruises heal. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8466 Well I learned a lesson! Don’t try to tell the Little Red Hen that eggs come first when it comes to eating her bread! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8467 As one of his private attorneys, I'm sure I'll be fired after falling off the President's new Border Wall. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8468 One of the King's horses just made things worse. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8469 Shirley Temple please. Alcohol gives me headaches. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8470 This "hard-boiled detective" racket is killing me. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8471 My name is Rodney, and I don’t get no respect. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8472 I'm hoping that a couple of those on the rocks will put me back together again. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8473 He said he wanted to make an omelette. 1.0909 0.03566 66 59 6 0
8474 Let me tell you, there is nothing "great" about a fall. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8475 This year I don't expect I'll have a great fall. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8476 ` Are you murmuring the same rhyme , Sir ? ' 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8477 I woke up on the floor 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8478 Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and into rock bottom. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8479 What is the world coming to? You only need two regular eggs for banana bread. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8480 You should have seen all the kings horses and all the kings men 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8481 He want’s to build a wall? Go for it. He’ll be sorry! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8482 Thank God the King’s men completed EMT training. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8483 Keep 'em coming, Joe. Being an egg in this crazy world isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8484 Make it a double, Mac, I'm not fertilized. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8485 Awe, shucks, man. And that was just January! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8486 I hat these tall stools! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8487 Margarita not on the rocks please. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8488 I don't know, I guess I should have listened to my uncle Humpty Dumpty more and take being called an egghead as a compliment. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8489 Hold the seltzer, I think I would leak . . " 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8490 Well, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put, my dear husband, Humpty back together again. Make it a double. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8491 Like an Egg in that? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8492 In my 25 years on Wall Street I never really considered it a street. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8493 I’m not quite myself. Telehealth visits may protect me from COVID but weren’t effective at putting me together again. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8494 All the Kings horses and all the Kings men are receiving much better traing as first responders these days. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8495 All the king's horses and all the king's men won't work—bring me the Hennessy 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8496 It's like you told me, Larry. I gotta start putting myself first. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8497 They say a raw egg is good for a hangover 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8498 I was playing HumpityTrumpity 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8499 Gimme an eggnog, and make it a double. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8500 I like to rhyme, I like my beats funky, I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8501 You would have more than a headache if you were in the COVID19 trials like me! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8502 No, one Harvey Wallbanger is my limit. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8503 So now I have to see if Workers Comp is going to pay for all this. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8504 That border wall is tough! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8505 No Vodka. That's what caused me to take a tumble in the first place. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8506 Things weren’t so bad until the king’s horses butted in. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8507 Fall? Hell no. It was all the King's horses and all the King's men! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8508 Have you heard the one about the chicken crossing the road? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8509 This one's on all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8510 I could understand all the King’s horses, but I expected at least one of all the King’s men to have at least a little nurses training. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8511 The King's horses were even rougher than the King's men! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8512 Charge it to the account of all the king's horsemen and all the king's men. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8513 King's Men and Horses, please. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8514 Just leave the bottle 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8515 I'm telling you, absolutely what we need is more tax cuts! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8516 Hit me with your best shot and put it on the Dumpty tab.” 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8517 And by the time all the king’s horses and all the king’s men tried to put me together again... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8518 Yes I’m Covid case #5256 — extra gin for good measure in case it’s the next new treatment 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8519 If I fall don't call the King's horses, ok? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8520 You see... life isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8521 If you didn't want me to smoke why the homage to the ciggy? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8522 One of them screamed, " 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8523 Hit me with the same. If I didn't feel this it must be good. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8524 I’ll give you the bourbon, Humpty, but it’s not going to put you together again...” 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8525 I wouldn't call it 'great'..." Andy Mathieson, Los Angeles, C 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8526 The king's horses and the king's men couldn't do it, so his jester did. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8527 You want a little Humpty Bumpty? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8528 The Kings men were wonderful, but all I got from the horses were "neighs." 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8529 It was that damned wall. I know who it belonged to 'cause I saw his signature on it. And he wouldn't let the King's horses nor men help to put me together again. I'm suing! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8530 But, Trump said there was a wall there! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8531 No, give me something different - I've had one Wallbanger already today. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8532 Bartender, just give me a little something to ease the pain! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8533 On top of that, none of the King's horses knew anything about first aid. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8534 Forget the damn wall...I can't sit anywhere in 2020 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8535 Yeah, its been a cracking day, gimme a double egg-cream. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8536 The last thing I remember was sitting on that darn wall....... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8537 Whaddya mean you need to see an I.D? Do I look like I have a wallet after the mugging I got from all the king's horses and all the king's men?" 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8538 Do all the King's horses or all the King's men every come in here? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8539 But it's character building, right? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8540 Face mask and Super Glue, Max, and bring the Wonderland dame! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8541 Make it strong enough to kill all the King’s horses! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8542 Cut me off I get a little crazy again. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8543 A bit of “King’s Horses” scotch should put me back together again. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8544 After all the King's horses and men, make it a double! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8545 If all the king's men had gotten a little less help from all the king's horses, putting me back together again would have gone a lot smoother. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8546 I had a date with Humpty-Dumpy but I tripped on the way, glad I was hard boiled. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8547 And that was just my fall. Don’t get me started on my lousy summer. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8548 You wouldn’t believe all the horses and all the men it took! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8549 I don’t really come out of my shell until I’ve had a few. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8550 I'm not here if you get a call from Mrs. Dumpty or the King's horses 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8551 ...and that's why horses shouldn't practice surgery. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8552 You know you hit rock bottom when everything falls apart. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8553 I couldn't reach the wall the harras was too fast. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8554 You can skip the raw egg in the beer. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8555 The wall was surprisingly slippery. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8556 Buddy, I usually live life on the edge but I’m starting to crack! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8557 All the King’s horses and all the King’s men can really do a number on you. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8558 Crown Royal? No. Too many bad memories. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8559 Please, no more 2020 jokes. You keep cracking me up. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8560 No, I do not want egg nog. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8561 Humpty Dumpty sat on a bar stool Humpty Dumpty had a double shot Now go to sleep you little brat. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8562 This is nothing - you should have seen that wall collapse! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8563 Got any shorter bar stools so I don't have to take a great fall? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8564 Yeah, I was a mess after the fall. Worse yet, the King's plan did NOT make me whole." 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8565 What will it be - after my Dumpty fall ? No rocks, just whiskey & propofol 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8566 KITCHEN SINK Plrase' 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8567 I don't know what she was trying to make, but the recipe called for one egg, beaten. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8568 Leave the bottle. I feel like getting pickled. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8569 Don’t you dare serve me an eggnog. 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8570 Fried, scrambled, beaten. It’s all the same to me. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8571 The usual! on the rocks please. I am battered today. She cracked me up every time, and I still miss her. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8572 This one is on the house. You're more than you were cracked up to be. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8573 He said the wall was perfect... Next thing I knew, they were putting me back together. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8574 Being a stunt double for Humpty-Dumpty really isnt worth it.... in fact make it a double!!! 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8575 I’m thinking it might be time for me to switch off the Harvey Wallbangers. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8576 How did I do it, well no horses, no King's men but fortunately a lot of duct tape. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8577 Humpty, how many times do I have to tell you to stay off walls? 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
8578 Sure, the king's men pitched in, but the horses could not have cared less. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8579 This pandemic took so much focus away from the wall that I fell faster than I was expecting to 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8580 Being a moderate is not what it’s cracked up to be any more. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8581 My father wasn't so fortunate, but with advanced lifesaving techniques they could put me together again. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8582 At least I was luckier than my cousin. He walked into a bread dough factory. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8583 Thank goodness the King’s men were women. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8584 Eggnog, that'll fix you 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8585 Who knew my health insurance would deny my claim based on their consideration of wall climbing as an “extreme sport”? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8586 Please give me a beer. My wife is fucking another man 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8587 And ALL of my horses and ALL of my men couldn't make me a simple Tonic and Gin... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8588 No, on the concrete. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8589 Better not make it a wallbanger...I have a tendency to fall away from those... 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8590 In the end, I had to pull myself together 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
8591 Life can be a cruel balancing act . . . when the yolk is on you! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8592 I would have been fine if the King's Horses had opposable thumbs instead of hooves. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
8593 And the cheshire cat just sat there and smiled. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
8594 asdfs 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
8595 What was that new cocktail you mentioned? 2020 Anxiety? Gimme one of those 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
8596 Bobblehead Mike Pence Gee, I really thought this egg head would keep the masses away. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
8597 No Marco I did NOT fall off any wall. I was just standing in the crowd and he grabbed a glass of water with his tiny hands and hurled it at my head! The crowd went absolutely wild! I thought it was supposed to be a pox party! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8598 Masks are required sir 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8599 people have been walking too much on eggs recently 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8600 The fall wasn’t bad but, this pandemic has really done a number on me 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8601 I lost my mask on the way down. But I heard eggs are immune anyways.So what’s your excuse? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8602 She humpty-dumped" me.. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8603 I’ll take an egg bruiser 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8604 And the worst part was that I was sober at the time! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8605 I'm not kingsman but this ought to do it humpty 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8606 I tell ya, Barkeep, it's tough being a nest egg at the top of the market. At least all the king's horses and all the king's men can temporarily put me back together, unlike uncle Humpty Dumpty 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8607 I wish Trump didn’t want that wall so bad... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8608 Yea so there I was, sitting on a wall... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8609 Make Falls Great Again 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8610 I really sent it! Got 50k likes on IG 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8611 Humpty Dumped tea 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8612 Rough year, this one. My brain feels scrambled all the time. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8613 'Every wound needs the best elixir' #MyNewYorkerCapton 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8614 That better not be an Egg Cream. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8615 Pour me a shot of King's Horse with a King's Men chaser 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8616 I thought they already tried four horseman. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8617 ‘We just want to get you back drinking.’ 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8618 Stirred, not shaken, please. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8619 i just have one question... Why did the king even give the horses a shot? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8620 The wind knocked the whole thing down! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8621 Wait till you see the other guy! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8622 I thought it was a good case, but it turned out to only be soft boiled. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8623 I really thought this time would be different 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8624 When I said, “Try coming out of your shell,” I meant metaphorically. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8625 You don’t use egg whites in your whiskey sours here, do you? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8626 I ordered a New Yolk, not a Manhattan 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8627 No, I wasn’t thinking about double entendres when I told them I wouldn’t crack. Give me a break already. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8628 All I hear from the nobility these days is how they’re ‘walking on eggshells’ with the peasants. Being an egg is not all it’s cracked-up to be! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8629 Ugh, I’ve had a martini 🍸 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8630 egg bar 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8631 I hate to say it Walter, but the ignorance of some people...it really drives me up the wall. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8632 My egghead friend highly recommends Botox 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8633 Never did make that omelette. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8634 ... and then they said I shouldn’t have been sitting on the wall anyway. About time to defund all the King’s men. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8635 I was at about 86 bottles of beer and then... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8636 You won't believe what happened in the last place. They sent me down to the cellar after someone mentioned they wanted egg nogg... I'm hoping your stairs here are sturdier. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8637 Anything but egg nog 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8638 Make it a ‘nog, Joe, and one more for the road... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8639 Whew. You hear about these abortion bills? Whew, my yolk’s a yoke. You got a joke? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8640 Oh no, it was the King’s men that did this. Someone put it on Facebook. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8641 Those kids and tic toc 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8642 Sigh. Another day, another uphill battle. Make it neat, please. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8643 Quadrupled Whiskey at 92% alcohol...At least you won’t get the Coronavirus my friend! @sandy_grows_greens 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8644 Sometimes you eat the wall...sometimes the wall eats you 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8645 I’m afraid, no amount of gin can numb your pain. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8646 . . . . AS LONG AS THIS IS NOT THE REASON YOU FELL IN THE FIRST PLACE . . . . 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8647 Chicken-eggs don’t fly. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8648 Happiness at the end of the day 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8649 I’ll take that one over easy, Joe. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8650 Humpty Dumpty has a great fall, not the government. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8651 Are you sure you need another Harvey Wallbanger 1.0806 0.03486 62 56 5 0
8652 Eggnogged out 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8653 The fall was nothing. It was all those horses and all those men that have me in such a state 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8654 Actually, just make it a double. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8655 And then the Queen actually pushed me! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8656 Hold the gin, Jake, and the tonic. Just give me straight hydroxychloroquine. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8657 You sure this will cure my illness! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8658 It was just one bad yolk and I cracked! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8659 No eggnog today, Bill. I’ll have a scotch. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8660 We got into a fight, she wanted to turn me into an omelet” 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8661 whiskey! might as well double down on the rocks 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8662 No, please, not shaken! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8663 Also: Never make “over easy” and “over hard” cracks to a boxer’s wife dressed as an egg at a costume party. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8664 So there I was, just sitting there eating my lunch when this kid sneaks up behind me ... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8665 This time, let's go steady with the rocks please! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8666 Sorry. I don't know which bar all the King's men frequent. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8667 Make it a Shell Revivor #2... over eeeasy, please. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8668 Could you add a shot of mucilage? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8669 Let’s please not talk about all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8670 Hit me with another. I’ve fallen off the wall! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8671 Don’t ever sit on a wall. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8672 I know I’m allergic, but... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8673 Make mine a Harvey Wallbanger 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8674 Let me advise you. Don't mess with 7-1/2 year old blondes. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8675 And here I go again. I must be cracked to keep coming here. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8676 You're always here for me,Lou. To pour me another drink, Lou. But you never seem to be around to catch me when I fall from this stool. Lou? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8677 Yah, the spring was pretty rough, but I'm expecting a great fall. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8678 Thank God the King had some doctors too. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8679 So I said to her, "nice yolks you got there, baby" and then things sort of just got all scrambled. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8680 Another wallbanger? I really shouldn't. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8681 These are not the salad days. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8682 Do I get a discount? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8683 One egg nog, on the rocks 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8684 Don’t believe that crap about hiring only the best people. The king’s horses and men are a bunch of no-nothing incompetents. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8685 When all the King's Men come in the drinks are on me. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8686 Oh, the men were OK. It was those damn horses. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8687 Egg lives matter...or is it chicken lives matter...You get the point! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8688 The King’s Men we’re responsible for this! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8689 Not Empty, it's Humpty 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8690 That horses and king's men plan was crap. I'm glad I changed plans in time. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8691 Go ahead and fill it, let's never mind that thing about all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8692 Gimme a double.... I cracked the case But my insurance doesn’t cover Preexisting condition s or all the kings men who could put me back together I Should of never trusted the cheap Trump health care plan 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8693 Another whiskey sour order? You're killing me, barkeep. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8694 Do you have something strong enough to heal a broken yolk? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8695 Well, at least the king's horses and king's men figured out how to put me together this time! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8696 Break a few eggs yourself. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8697 A great fall, maybe. But you sure couldn't call it a great spring. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8698 Pour me another...time to get cracked 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8699 They always think I know the Humpty dance. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8700 The King's horses, the King's men, I know... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8701 I’ll have it over-easy. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8702 First the horses, then the kings men, and now somebody wants an omelet 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8703 Pink Floyd’s Wall is not all it's cracked up to be 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8704 You'd a thought all the king's men would have at least brought a first aid kit. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8705 Lets see if whiskey can put me together again 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8706 A hangover cured guaranteed to put you back together. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8707 King's Horses martini, extra dry, please. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8708 It's hard to tell when you've had enough. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8709 One for off the road! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8710 I’m not really such a bad egg. I’m just drawn that way. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8711 Damn, I’m low on protein today 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8712 Get cracking with my eggnog 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8713 And it's not even fry-day yet... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8714 I’ve already had too much egg knock 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8715 This one's called a Harvey Wallbanger. Oh, no offence meant Humpty. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8716 Make it a double, this is the only place I can call home now! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8717 Can you put a raw egg in that for me? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8718 It's nothing like the old days when the King's men were around. DIY 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8719 Another Harvey Wallbanger, Mr. Dumpty? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8720 Wait. Let me get a round for all the King's horses and all the King's men. They tried. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8721 I fell over easy and crambled my brains 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8722 Don’t know how they did it, but this round is for the king’s horses and the king’s men. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8723 Believe me! Wall or no wall. She was so beautiful I would take the dive again for her. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8724 You'd think I learned my lesson. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8725 My therapist told me to work on releasing my inner yolk. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8726 But I mean honestly, what was the king thinking sending even one horse to try and put an egg back together? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8727 Well, the Kings horses and King's men did it, but I almost wish they hadn't. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8728 The horses, the men, they all tried, but eventually it was the king's Chinese herbalist that managed to crack the code. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8729 Omelet it go this time. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8730 You’re the only bartender I know who doesn’t dry shake me every time I order a Pisco Sour. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8731 I think I’ve hit rock bottom. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8732 Keep 'em comin' barkeep. All the king's men are right behind me. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8733 Nothing for me, thanks. I'm on the Dozen Steps program. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8734 Yeah, hibernating in an egg box will do this to you 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8735 Yea, that is eggactly what I am talking about. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8736 When I was plain bad, I didn't fit in anyone's basket. Now that I am a broken egg-head, I must join a cause...Easy on the Lysol, I've got a date tonight with Scrambled Eggs. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8737 No more froth please! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8738 Call 911, and ask them to send all the King’s horses and all the King’s men. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8739 All those horses and men were no help at all! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8740 Let me get you a drink mr humpty trumpty. I've heard you've had a few falls lately. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8741 We were just horsing around, if I had known that they couldn’t put him together again, I never would have shoved him. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8742 I told them, not another King’s horse, I want the King’s doctor. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8743 Well, too late now. Might as well have another. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8744 So much for all the king's horses and his men! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8745 After you drink this, you'll feel as good as NEW! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8746 Then I told him, stop acting so hardboiled all the time. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8747 You have no idea how it feels to be the target of government action! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8748 Make this one, 'one more for the nest, please. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8749 I hope the eggnog will take the edge off of my day. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8750 Another Harvey Wallbanger. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8751 How? I had a bit too much to drink while sitting on a bar stool. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8752 I don’t think I’d survive another fall 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8753 It's terrible to be in this state. I'm beginning to look like the U.S. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8754 I'd like to buy a round for all the king's horses and men. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8755 Unfortunately, it was my first riot and I didn't know not to get in the front row. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8756 And then those King's horses... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8757 Keep pouring! You think that bit of detritus is enough to straighten out the madness I have do deal with? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8758 Are you an ingredient donor? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8759 So all the king's horses and all the king's men finally put me together again... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8760 All the king's horses, indeed! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8761 No, the Great Fall was last year. This is from our lousy Spring! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8762 I'm not sure what idiot thought the King's horses and the King's men could do anything; it only to 1 doctor to help. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8763 The King’s horses were doing great. Then the King’s men had to butt in. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8764 All the king’s men couldn’t just call now and then? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8765 I had the runs. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8766 So I said to Joe, ‘Of course I can do an egg flip’”..... 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8767 Nog, on the rocks, thanks. Now answer me this. Why in God's name would the King order the horses too put me back together again?!! Has he no reason? No logic? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8768 Humpday, amirite? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8769 Hold the eggnog. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8770 Do you have egg creams? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8771 Please, not on the rocks again! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8772 Kidding! Less testing was a freaking joke! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8773 Okay, so I had a fall. The worst of it was all the kings horses and all the kings men that trampled the crap out me, trying to help me. Government interference is going to be the death of us all. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8774 Hey, Mister, I didn’t mean “hit” literally. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8775 Can I get that in a soppy cup? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8776 No, I said the Kings whiskey, not Horse Soldier's . 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8777 Humpty have you been falling on purpose just to get free pity-drinks? If so you may have a problem. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8778 So, an egg walks into a bar in Germany. No joke! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8779 Whisky sour; extra egg white, please. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8780 I almost died waiting for all the king's horsemen and all the king's men. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8781 Bourbon, cream, dash of sugar, topped with nutmeg. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8782 Don't drink too much as you shall become part of Breakfast 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8783 Can we go back to the brandy boiled with ale? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8784 ...and then these guys in robes rode in on horses and glue and near finished me off ! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8785 You're not pouring me a wallbanger, are you? 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8786 I TELL YOU JOE,LAST NIGHT IT WAS THE STOOL. I'VE GOT TO STOP WITH THE HARVEY WALLBANGERS OR I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'LL END UP! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8787 All I remember is hearing them say something about a Clover Club 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8788 This is way better than all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8789 You can skip the egg white. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8790 Hold the egg whites. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8791 Thank heavens for spring, summer and winter! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8792 Just went to a Make Eggs Great Again rally. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8793 Thank God that liquor has made me so hard-boiled. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8794 I’ll be working until I die.” 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8795 Checks and Balances were supposed to be there to catch me. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
8796 The first recorded use of the phrase: ‘It looks like you need a pick-me-up’.” 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
8797 Self-Kintsugification 1.0794 0.04112 63 59 3 1
8798 Oh Humpty Dumty did you fall? 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
8799 Wall Street is crazy these days, I just fell right off. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
8800 No, not the wall. Just another busy day at the barricade 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
8801 don't bother yourself. I can reach over and get it. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
8802 Didn't even reach the top of the wall ;and yet i fell...Boy how fragile i am. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
8803 And the bartender said, “what do you mean you’re broke?” 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8804 Hey, Humpty for your great fall I have a drink 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8805 How much did I have to drink last night? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8806 maybe it's time for the king's horses and men to stop putting you back together 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8807 Well, the worst is surely over. Pour me another. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8808 Who decided I was an egg? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8809 ...and on top off all this he wanted to build a wall! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8810 well... I wouldn't call it a "great fall" 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8811 All the knave's horses were only slightly better physicians than the king's. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8812 Got anything that doesn’t take the edge away? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8813 I’ll take a hard lacquer. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8814 It's a hard shell of a life." 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8815 Who the hell decided Wednesday’s should be called Hump Tay!?... Make it a double 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8816 ...only this time I fell off the wagon. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8817 I always say, “Off the Wall, Off the Wagon.” 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8818 A shot of whiskey will put me back together again? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8819 ...Let’s hope all the King’s horses and all the King’s men can do for 2020 what they couldn’t do for me. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8820 I never thought so many would just become omelettes. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8821 My doctor told me the surgery was elective, so I thought I'd better wait till things get a little bit better. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8822 If the King’s horses and King’s men can’t put you together, this whiskey will. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8823 Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall again? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8824 It's not my fault you know, the chicken went first 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8825 Yet another shot at putting me back together 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8826 I guess there‘s no other way to make a prairie oyster 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8827 I said the drink was on the rocks. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8828 The omelette is going to be totally worth it when we're done. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8829 I wonder if Mars will have it this bad? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8830 President Trump: “Isn’t that crazy? They told me I’m not actually a monarch so they can’t find me new King’s men to try and put me back together!”. Bartender: “Use both hands for your glass sir, you look a bit broken after falling off the wall you built.” 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8831 Here. This’ll put you back together again. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8832 No more Harvey Wallbangers for you. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8833 Wanna get high after a fall? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8834 The VA hospital did their best, but that great fall was the end of my career on the wall. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8835 I’ll have the usual....a Harvey Wallbanger scrambled neat. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8836 The insurance said it was covered, but my deductible is more than all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could crowd fund...” Forgot the hashtag the first tim 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8837 So, how about those horses? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8838 Starting tomorrow, I'm going to be a good egg 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8839 Can I use some of your egg white seeping out for your gin fizz? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8840 Being single post-quarantine isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8841 Bartender: BEGG DAY? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8842 Frank, why are your stools so damn high? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8843 Lloyd, I can’t keep doing this. Look at me! And all for that fella who demands a fresh Whiskey Sour. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8844 Another Whiskey Sour? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8845 A King’s Horseman, and keep me’ coming. 1.0678 0.03301 59 54 4 0
8846 Humpty Dumpty had a great 2020 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8847 They said 2020 was gonna be my year 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8848 Yeah!! nothing can slip through these cracks 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8849 are my limbs made of egg shell or what because egg shell is inflexible and fragile so like do i have yolk in my egg arm veins or what are these legs made of flesh 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8850 One more of these and I’m not sure my wife will buy the old “I just fell of my bar stool” excuse again. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8851 A sip of this Alpine liquor will keep you safe from cell towers as well as sniper unicorns. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8852 No I don’t feel comfortable drinking the whiskey sour.” I’ll be very sad if no one can get that 🥚 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8853 So you don’t think she’s coming? Tell you what, this one’s on me. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8854 How about changing your story Sir? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8855 I told her a million times I don’t even like omelettes. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8856 The missing ingredient: All the king’s horses and all the king’s men finally put him together with gin. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8857 drink up dumpty 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8858 'Atleast the hangover vanished...' 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8859 This one’s on the house, Fred. You’ve got more lives than an alleyway cat. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8860 I asked for an egg cream, not a creamed egg! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8861 They said I’d be safe on the statue 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8862 2020? 2020. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8863 Walls aren’t all they’re cracked up to be 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8864 What’s it like to be an egg on the fence? Definitely not over-easy!” #thenewyorker #newyorkermagazine #newyorkmagazin 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8865 still cool to use the ladies bathroom here for cocaine right? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8866 Oh! So that’s what you meant when you said on the rocks 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8867 Cheers to the fall! 🥃 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8868 So then I said you're runny and over easy 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8869 Better make it a double. All the King’s physicians are pretty worthless too! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8870 One eggnock for you 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8871 I told you a double chocolate bourbon egg cream doesn't have eggs, now I have a splitting headache. The ice pack, the least you could have done. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8872 That’s right, it wasn’t the King’s Men, it was the Democrats! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8873 Not on the rocks...I’m still recuperating! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8874 On the rocks...that’s where I landed. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8875 I’m pretty sure becoming a dad is gonna kill me... 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8876 The hell with all the King’s horses and all the Kings men, make it a double! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8877 And God knows how the king's horses thought they were going to help with those damned hooves! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8878 Next time Joe, I won’t be ordering an omelette. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8879 Easy Joe, after the last one I was off the wall. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8880 I was released because they were not admitting non-COVID19 cases. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8881 I'll have shot and an ear. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8882 Well you make these barstools so high,it's like falling off a wall 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8883 Gin Fizz, hold the soda and lemon and hit me with as much foam as you've got. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8884 I'd feel sorry for myself if my brother wasn't Humpty Dumpty. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8885 I’m sure glad I had supplemental insurance 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8886 You set them up, I knock them down 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8887 Do you know what it feels like to be incessantly jeered -- "All the king's horses and all the king's men"? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8888 And a big tankard for all the king's men. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8889 All the King's Men told me my coverage lapsed. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8890 I should sue him. It's Trumpty-Dumpty's wall. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8891 Maybe I shouldn’t have sat on the new border wall. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8892 And this is exactly why you should've stayed at home 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8893 I have a havoc. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8894 I'm ready to take another fall off the wagon. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8895 Pour another! All the king's horses and all the king's men can't stop Humpty Dumpty from drinking again. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8896 The King’s Men are getting better, but still... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8897 Only enough to make it egg-shell white. I'm only going to smear it on my head. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8898 No yolk, she broke up with me. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8899 I thought they were there to cheer the President 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8900 Never piss off one of the King's horses. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8901 Eggsistentialism is long suffering . 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8902 Actually, it was all the king’s men who did it. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8903 I asked for a doctor and who’d they send? All the king’s horses and all the king’s men! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8904 Humptydumpty had a great wineglass to fall into from his wall! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8905 It’s so frustrating. Apparently the King’s Men aren’t accepting my insurance plan anymore. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8906 Dry Martini, scrambled not stirred. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8907 This is how the whole thing started last time 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8908 I couldn't find the king's horses or the king's men. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8909 So how's the world today. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8910 I consider myself lucky. You should see the other guy. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8911 Another one of those and I’m gonna get scrambled... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8912 She left me, and I just cracked up. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8913 The King's men did a laudable job. What do you want, an egg in your beer? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8914 The King's men never showed up. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8915 I didn’t realize the downside of a wall. A big beautiful wall. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8916 I think all the king's horses must have landed on me. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8917 All The Kings Men ran off to protest and the horses well they were horses 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8918 Last fall 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8919 Wouldn’t you know, All The King’s Men are on lockdown. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8920 Breaking news, it hasn’t been a great fall 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8921 Make it a double neat mate. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8922 So the King’s men came and took my temperature, and then they said they couldn’t put me back together again without a doctor’s clearance. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8923 Say, if the King and his men and their horses show up looking for credit. Didn't happen, OK? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8924 I've heard that alcohol helps balance! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8925 Yeah, tough fight, but you should see the other egg. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8926 I still haven't got any royalties from hip hop. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8927 I thought Mexico had paid for it, and that I was a jumping bean 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8928 I said NOT a Harvey Wallbanger! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8929 The last guy tried to make a Pisco Sour. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8930 Here's some booze for your egg noggin' 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8931 Good egg, not what it’s cracked up to be? Sheeez, gimmie a drink. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8932 I was just sitting on the border wall when they saw me. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8933 Uch. Whatever. That's why I fell in the first place. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8934 I thought he said hardboiled is over easy but it was an or 1.0678 0.03301 59 54 4 0
8935 Whoever named it Crazy Glue wasn't joking! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8936 They can put this shell together again, but they never focus on the psychological effects of a great fall. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8937 When I jumped, I forgot in this country there are no Kings. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8938 So these guys called ‘All the Kings Men’ came along.... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8939 Wall Street's not all it's cracked up to be. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8940 I started with a hang over, now I'm just addled. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8941 The king's men tried to put me together after last night, but looks like I'll need a hair of the dog, too. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8942 Bartender, it's time to get that hearing checked. She was asking you for an egg NOGG! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8943 It wasn't just a GREAT fall, it was a YUGE fall, the likes of which the world has never seen. Ow. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8944 You look awfully fried, so what's cooking? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8945 The first shot of Malört did what all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't. So a second couldn't hurt, right? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8946 You think that would give me a headache? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8947 Give me a triple All The King's Horses and All the King's Men! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8948 No, please no. On the rocks does not bode well for me. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8949 Yeah man, Trump called. Again. I just can't take the fall anymore. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8950 All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't get Humpty on the wagon again. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8951 Skip the egg whites please. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8952 I asked my wife to proceed with caution but she still walks all over me. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8953 No, not on the rocks! I can’t face that again. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8954 Yeh, I'm in the pub ... The King's Horses' ... 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8955 Some people just don't know how walk on eggshells... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8956 At least I didn't get poached 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8957 Not too strong - I don't want to fry my brain. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8958 You think I look bad, you should see her cloaca. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8959 I really was fine until the horses tried to help. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8960 Please, hold the rocks! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8961 Tough day? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8962 ANTIFA cracked me up! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8963 When Big Joan sets up Her hands are too small She's too fat to go out in the daylight So she rolls around all night I just saw the thread with a drooped body 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8964 All my horses and all my men can’t put me back together again. And I might lose the White House in November. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8965 That doesn’t look like dog hair! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8966 No!... I was just a bystander pushed in! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8967 I wish I'd only had one yesterday. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8968 So then I says to her "dropping that omelet pan would be an eggcelent idea right now" 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8969 Here, this will pick you right up. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8970 Make it a double, no one told me how high Trump's wall would be... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8971 Hope this is stronger than all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8972 You think you get like this falling off a wall or donating your innards to research? No, barkeep ... THIS kinda bruising comes only through one damn thing: draining the swamp. So drain it into that glass, now, boy; don't be shy. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8973 Make it the full four fingers, I almost ended up in a salad 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8974 That’s not funny Sal...” the yokes on you!” 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8975 Trump’s WALL is problematic. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8976 I don't like red wine. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8977 my head is scrambled 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8978 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty relapsed in Sarasota during Phase 3. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8979 All I did was #trumpcantdeliverthemail 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8980 Make it a double. My mind's scrambled. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8981 She said I've got to stop pushing myself. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8982 Is there any reason why I still have a headache? 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8983 No more Harvey Wallbangers for me- gimme an egg cream. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8984 This joint isn’t the place it’s cracked up to be. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8985 Play it again Sam. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8986 I've been taken from my family nest and fear that I'm headed for an international corporation. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8987 Put a egg in my drink it's good for a headache. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8988 Its' great to see you back, Jack, after that nasty fall, again. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8989 It'll probably go right through me. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
8990 Make it a double, you'll never believe the day I've had... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8991 It wasn’t a great fall but it was out of my network 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8992 Getting trampled by all the. king's horses was the worst part, 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8993 A double shot of bourbon taken in the golden hour should do it. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8994 Yeah, Tulsa. ‘A million ticket reservations’ I tells him. And now he ain’t too happy. So he pushes me off the wall, or from the upper deck, I guess it was. 1.0678 0.04752 59 57 0 2
8995 After the day I’ve had, just leave the bottle. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8996 Just some minor cuts and bruises. I’m having a drink. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8997 Turns out all the king's men don't know crap about putting things together. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8998 Before I knew what hit me, I'm stuck in between the king's horses and the king's men!" 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
8999 Oh Mr egg. I don't know what the hell to get. I know I already got drunk and I almost killed myself but I NEED more beer!!! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9000 I’ll take a quadruple, neat 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9001 Thanks! These cracks are killing me! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9002 All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put our President back together again.... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9003 Who knew horses charge so much for reconstructive surgery? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9004 Just a short one. I am tired of the king and his horses and men. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9005 All the Kings men got me mostly together again; then it was the horses turn. BAM!! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9006 I was cursed to be born white instead of brown! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9007 Put another one together for me. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9008 Yeah, I had a great fall, the greatest fall. I was sitting on you know who's greatest wall ever! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9009 I should have scrambled away, but I have a hard-boiled ego. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9010 . . . and now I have anti-abortion orgs offering to pay my legal fees in my challenge against the insurance claim investigation . . . apparently, eggs are not included under 'Person's Covered.' 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9011 I shouldn’t have had the Singapore sling. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9012 Actually, Joe, trying to mitigate my drinking is exactly how I got all fucked up in the first place. Sheila left me, and I said to myself 'this time is gonna be different, I'm gonna get sober...' ever thus the drunks, Joe, ever thus the drunks... 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9013 You know you've had a hard day and need a drink when you can't sit on the wall without falling off. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9014 Fitzgerald had it right: no second acts in America. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9015 You can put it on the king's tab. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9016 This time it was all the king's horses and all the king's men. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9017 Anything but a 2020 Vintage, please. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9018 Make it a double. I've been sitting on Wall Street. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9019 Then some people in the rally said because Im a Democrat, were gonna make you as scrambled as your brain! 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9020 Extra egg whites in my whiskey sour, please. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9021 I love wallbangers, but they don't love me. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
9022 Fine, thanks. And you? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
9023 ouch, that hurt 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9024 Let's face it - I'm going to get pickled. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9025 so, what’s it gonna be? eggnog again? 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9026 Hey, I'm democracy. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9027 I've had no luck with all the King's horses and all the King's men. Hit me up with all the King's whiskey. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9028 ... and they said don’t be a chicken... 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9029 No kidding! Those boiled eggs matter protests aren’t all they’re cracked up to be! 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9030 "That guy by the window is balder than an egg." 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9031 Whiskey sour? 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9032 I tried getting the #1 spot at the Gramercy Tavern. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9033 You try being an egg. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9034 So I tell the king’s men, ‘I need a drink!’ 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9035 I don't know if BLM is good or not anymore. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9036 If I have another drink I'm going to explode AGAIN! 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9037 Make it a double Scotch. My Scotch Egg friends last forever. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
9038 I feel so broken up about this virus thing.... 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
9039 They don't understand why they did this. It's a health thing. Whites do matter. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
9040 All the king’s horses and men have been socially distant. It’s been a long three months. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
9041 Did Dumpty dump you? 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
9042 Ok, as long as it’s “on the house”, I guess I can handle one more. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
9043 The World is too much with me, late and soon... 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
9044 Last winter really sucked, but I had a great fall. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
9045 I fell this morning from the rising wall of Corona graph. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
9046 Maybe my dad and I were too close. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
9047 Please, no more hard stuff. 1.0625 0.03776 64 61 2 1
9048 Of course not! Horses don’t even have thumbs! 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
9049 ‘No Mac, it’s definitely Tuesday..’ 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
9050 How bout a little ‘pick me up’ for ya? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9051 Please don’t make it on the rocks... they’re very dangerous 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9052 That’s the last time I pay for a massage from all the king’s horses. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9053 Pour me some vinegar it’s been a long day 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9054 Did you hear the one about the egg and the chicken “ 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9055 That’s not quite what I meant by on the rocks 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9056 Nothing a drink can’t fix 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9057 One egg was not enough 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9058 Do you have anything stronger? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9059 and those pigs ain't even in jail! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9060 At least I’m white. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9061 Humpty dumped me, sat on a wall 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9062 Humpty wasn’t put so well together 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9063 The stock market wasn’t the only one to take a fall recently” 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9064 : I've been racking my brain about our president. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9065 One Eggnog please! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9066 NOW you tell me I shouldn’t drink before sitting on a wall! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9067 When he said ‘Make America Great Again!’ I didn’t think he meant it this literally. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9068 Humpty Dumpty again had a great fall" 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9069 Humpty Dumpty had a high ball 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9070 I had to make the switch to wine after I found out what they were putting in my whiskey sour. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9071 I mean sure, health insurance would be nice, but what would really make me feel better is if they arrested the officers who murdered Breonna Taylor. #goharderforbreonna 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9072 Have another, no wall of shame here. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9073 If that gin doesn’t fizz, it was all for naught... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9074 Remind me to read the wall sitter reviews next time. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9075 I’ll have a great fall as many times as I need to until they crack. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9076 No eggnog jokes, ok? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9077 Hope I can hold my alcohol 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9078 So they says, ‘Humpty, drink at the bar,’ thens, ‘Humpty, Druce your fast car.’ And you know the rest 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9079 I shouldn't have left the apartment, Phil. Can you make it a double? I feel safe here. All the brown eggs were trying to protect me! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9080 It won’t be easy, but I’ll try and look on the sunny-side up of things.” 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9081 It was all the king’s women that really did me in. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9082 yeah well, everyone's a nest egg in a bull market 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9083 Mixologist: I see you brought your own ice 🧊 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9084 so I realized if I'm alive, then the chick inside of me is alive and will eventually kill me by breaking through my skin... Next thing I know, I'm on the floor at the base of the stairs 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9085 Yup - all the King’s men WERE able to put me together again - but nursery rhyme legal had me under NDA. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9086 I don’t know man... 2020 just cracked me up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9087 They built the wall faster than I could take it apart. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9088 You think I‘m in bad shape? You should see all the king’s horses and all the kings men! They couldn’t be put back together again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9089 That’s the last time I order a gin fizz. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9090 Now you’re sure this will put me back together again? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9091 I don’t think it’s gonna take. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9092 Job applications nowadays are impossible. I had an interview, a group activity and to make an omelette 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9093 An uncomfortable screw up against the wall, huh? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9094 I’ll have a glass of the 2020 Merlot 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9095 Alert! We're in fragile situation. Need a break for a while. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9096 welcome to All the Kings Men bar 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9097 I’m telling you, it’s a crash. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9098 This drink is the only thing holding me together 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9099 man, life...its not all its cracked up to be nowadays 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9100 When Wall Street isn't all that cracked up to be 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9101 We are calling farmacytical drink it 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9102 Only one drink tonight, Lloyd. This economy has me a little broke right now. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9103 I'm eggxhausted, tomorrow it'll all be better. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9104 yeah not that guy.. . pro wrester, I'm not offended and would like the free drink 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9105 The eggspectations of this job are slowly killing me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9106 Well, they are not walking on eggshells. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9107 I wouldn’t sit there if I were you 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9108 I think they pushed me 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9109 I need to spill some secrets 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9110 I might as well try falling off the wagon at this point in my life. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9111 I swear, it happens every time I look at a newspaper 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9112 And the cops claimed I fell off some wall. #justiceforbreonnataylor 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9113 ...”i call this drink, all the kings men.” 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9114 So, like I was saying, we were protesting peacefully when all of a sudden all the king’s horses and all the king’s men started with the tear gas and flashbangs. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9115 one more fall, dude, and I'm scrambled for good. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9116 Somehow I’ve scrambled my schedule...has the bear walked in yet? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9117 It's tough, they just couldn't put me back together again... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9118 If only we had universal healthcare... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9119 Can you believe we’re only half way done, 2020 has me feeling scrambled 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9120 One whisky please... Hold the rocks 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9121 ...at the bar now. Yeah... All the kings horses really did a number on my sciatica but i’ll be damned if i go see the kings men 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9122 I was at a peaceful protest and I met a cop ... apparently he was a really bad egg! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9123 Make it a double, my heads killing me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9124 Humpty Dumpty had had enough. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9125 Make it a double, I’ve been walking around on eggshells all day! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9126 They said they were busy planning another rally. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9127 Just beer to chill... Gotta get back to work to infect the world. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9128 One wall was quite enough, thank you. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9129 Now, imagine the world. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9130 we've all had a great fall 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9131 ...And I heard they want to be ANOTHER wall 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9132 It’s been a rough couple of months. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9133 That's not yolk, is it? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9134 You really need to get yourself together. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9135 ‘She cracked me up Joe!’ 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9136 Sorry table 14 cancelled his Whisky Sour. If you’re interested it’s on the house. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9137 And an eggnog please, this headache is killing me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9138 Why did I sat on that damn wall?!", regretted Humpty Dumpty 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9139 I’m telling you, I am fine, give me one more before the drive 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9140 Screw it, just give me a whiskey sour. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9141 I think I've had enough on the rocks today 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9142 On the outside, I’m all tragedy. On the inside, I’m a yolk. and I remembered the hashtag 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9143 Thankfully, the King’s men were apolitical. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9144 Still no hospital beds but at least I can get a margarita 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9145 Tried being an advocate, now it’s time to be advocaat 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9146 Will the news cycle ever take a break? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9147 Eggspressing myself is brutal! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9148 'Shell I crack another one?' 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9149 Bad day on the wall, huh? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9150 Maybe building a wall wasn't the best idea 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9151 Broke in the bar 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9152 Yes, I'm back together again. It depends on which side of the wall I fall ... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9153 Crack me once, shame on you; crack me twice, shame on me and I’ll need a drink now please. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9154 I guess I really wasn’t ready for the election this fall 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9155 Wallbanger but hold the banger 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9156 So I tell him what’s cracking? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9157 ‘’Then He said, If you want to awake an omelet you have to break a few eggs.” 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9158 Please don't tell me this one is "well balanced" again... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9159 @__sage.r__ “and then all the kings horses and all the kings men tried to capitalize on my falling apart again” 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9160 ... and now they’re saying THIS fall might be worse! @patrickjwalbridge 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9161 But all in all things seem to be improving, I won’t crack under pressure 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9162 EMBRYOLIEVABLE!!! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9163 This time make it a single 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9164 This effing monarchy can’t do anything right. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9165 I realized that I was relying on a bunch of horses to put me back together when I should have been relying on myself 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9166 It's nothing. You should see the face of the wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9167 I know I should be grateful that they tried to patch me up, but I question the decision to get the king's horses involved. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9168 And I likely would have made a speedier recovery, had all the King's horses and all the King's men not been such strong proponents of social distancing. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9169 You should've stayed 2 metres away...a drink for your last fall 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9170 I’ve been waiting for this fall for you to open 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9171 One more fall and you're cut off. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9172 Pour a little more, it will make up for what's wasted through the cracks 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9173 You shoulda seen the other yolk. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9174 Trump's buddies are really half-assing it on that wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9175 The Kings’ men just don’t get me, you know? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9176 You should see the omelet 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9177 White privileged hold my beer 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9178 So much bad news these days, my head’s becoming scrambled 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9179 We were having a civil conversation about what came first. Next thing you know, chicken beat me up and crossed the road 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9180 I guess I’ll just have a vodka and a cup of your wonton soup. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9181 That was one hell of a peaceful protest 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9182 Breonna Taylor’s killers are still police officers 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9183 Oof, 2020 is no yolk... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9184 Excuse bartender,do you have anything for my white privilege?! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9185 Turns out that none of the king's horses or men have medical degrees. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9186 Sorry we just have white wine 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9187 Better make it a double, teleworking isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9188 Ohh well.. in America is better trying hard to stay in the egg shell 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9189 Even COVID-19 can’t make me crack. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9190 Im not even Scotch... I’m Welsch 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9191 I don’t know why I keep going up on that wall 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9192 Better make it a '4 horseman' 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9193 I probably should be resting at home, but I kind of want people to feel sorry for me 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9194 Humpty Trumpty sat on a wall .... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9195 The meds make me woozy. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9196 Tough day? Yeah. My coworker showed us a video so funny, it cracked me up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9197 More Eggnog Bill. I've been beaten, not scrambled. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9198 What? We are only halfway through 2020? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9199 All cops are custards. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9200 So Mother Goose Invites me back to her place and next thing I know she sits right on top of me! This whole eggsistence is getting more confusing each day. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9201 Tried crack for the first time last night. They told me that once you get high enough, the crash really begins to hurt. No kidding. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9202 Just another reason I hate the border wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9203 My kingly insurance only covered the glue 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9204 Make it a double. Hard day, I'm scrambled. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9205 so the eggplasty is not everything you expected it to be? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9206 Only this time it was all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9207 Yeah, whenever I’ve had a rough day I always find my way in here to lighten my mood because you crack me up! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9208 ...and that's how I realized that the wall still not done... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9209 Look pal, I’m a Jets fan...I assure you, it wasn’t a great Fall! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9210 I’ll take a whiskey sour, beat me if you have to to top off the drink with white. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9211 Gimmie me something for the face 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9212 Thanks, Obama. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9213 Back again , who was it this time ? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9214 Make it a hard one Jim 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9215 So you sat on Wall Street, eh? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9216 „mkWmh6KJAXY“ 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9217 She wasn’t my Goose 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9218 I hardly recognize myself anymore.” “Humpty, buddy, you have prosopagnosia 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9219 This time Humptey's fallen off the wagon. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9220 Tito’s, soda, and a heavy splash of CBD oil 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9221 No thanks, I already had one splash on the rocks today 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9222 It's no yoke if my shell gets cracked open. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9223 Just for the record, none of the king's horses are qualified to perform surgery. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9224 It's "gonna be a beautiful wall" he says! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9225 You try telling that to Cigna after that little 'water fetching' stunt. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9226 Make that egg cream a double." 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9227 Sure they're royalty, but ya really think horses were gonna put me together again? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9228 Better not to be egged, right? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9229 I’m not up for a Harvey Wallbanger tonight. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9230 Pour me a double. Not a good time to be Humpty Dumpty. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9231 I've already had 'a little pick-me-up' today. You got something bigger and better? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9232 And the horses, they just made it worse. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9233 Make it a triple, barkeep. It's been a rough fall. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9234 THEN, they sent in all the King's Soldiers AND all the King's Men. Not a doctor or egg-whisperer in sight! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9235 I sure hope this works better than king's horses and king's men. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9236 Make it a double, I think my brain is scrambled 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9237 After the wall, what's the wagon? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9238 Mother is self-conscious about her height and I think that really left a mark on me, ya know? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9239 A drink made with egg whites?! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9240 Whew, you'll never guess what just happened to me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9241 Being the spokesperson for the Omelet House isn’t all what it is cracked up to be. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9242 Sir, you can skip the napkin...I just need a straw. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9243 Yeah they put me back together again, just not very well. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9244 Keep em comin 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9245 Well, me and my good buddy, Trumpty Dumpty, we wuz workin' on an incredible, amazin’ wall when…when, we had this great fall and… 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9246 I’m telling Sam, it wasn’t the Booze-it’s Genetics!! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9247 Seeing I can’t afford a doctors visit after being beaten by police for peacefully protesting the beating peaceful civilians... I’ll take your cheapest scotch on the rocks 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9248 They call themselves The King's Men. What a joke. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9249 Double up on the crème de epoxy. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9250 Without a father, I never learned to defend myself. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9251 So then I said , O K, I'll try a Zombie 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9252 Not another Harvey Wallbanger! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9253 It wasn't a great spring or summer either. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9254 One bad egg walked into a bar... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9255 The usual, All the King's Men... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9256 Every darn vernal and autumnal equinox! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9257 The action is all in here at this point, bartender. All the king's horses eat eggheads for dinner. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9258 All the king's horses and all the king's men were useless; good thing I had Kingcare. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9259 Do I look like I'm ready to be served? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9260 You sure you can handle this Humpty.... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9261 What works for some one who is shell-shocked?? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9262 Yes honey, I'm pretty shook up. Just waiting for a screwdriver and I'll be home... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9263 I don’t think a pisco sour is all it’s cracked up to be . Can I borrow you for a minute and we will see! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9264 You say this is your last bottle of King 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9265 Make that a double Humpty Dumpty, on the rocks. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9266 You should have seen the other omelette. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9267 Not again! You are a glutton for punishment. I told you I would serve you at a table! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9268 I have never been able to keep my balance on that wall! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9269 I'm feeling all scrambled up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9270 Oh. Thanks, I feel a little sick in the head. I know it is hard to believe, because I'm hard boiled. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9271 And then a bunch of guys on horses showed up and I had to sneak away while they were arguing about what to do. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9272 "A bourbon straight'll put me back together again" 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9273 If you were seeking my advice during my day time job, I would advise you to file an action based upon the egg-shell skull doctrine. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9274 This quarantine nearly broke me - I’ve needed a drink for months! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9275 In Bod we lust! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9276 It’s not my fault I’m not organic 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9277 No more Harvey Wallbangers- I'm smashed. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9278 Double, over easy. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9279 Modern medicine is great. Unlike my ancestor, they were able to put me back together again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9280 Never sit between Aunt Jemima and Ms Butterworth at a Pancake breakfast 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9281 Not a wall, no. A pedestal. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9282 I can’t catch a break It looks like you did 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9283 Well, I sat on that wall for such a long time, and then the protesters arrived and decided it was time to go. It was hard boiled eggs or nothing. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9284 Next thing you know they’re painting BLM with my guts in front of Trump Tower. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9285 Make it a double, Joe -- I'm poached. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9286 What a crack-up! Get it? Get it?" "This is a cartoon and it's a crack up?" "HA HA HA! CRACK UP! as in F-U-N-N-Y! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9287 I told Humpty -- at his age he shouldn't climb the wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9288 Buzz and Sleep 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9289 Nobody asks for overeasy anymore. Frank Buckley Andover, MA 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9290 Yeah, Mr. Dumpty and I have our lawyers picked already, the group that advertises on TV all the time. We are using Eggers, Benedict, and Shell. You know their saying- "one fall, that's all". 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9291 You know, I've either got to get off that stuff or stay off that wall! Together never ends well!" 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9292 I gotta stop ordering eggnogs 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9293 One more drink and I'm going to hatch! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9294 I got beat up by all the King's men. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9295 A shot of 20 year old may help with these blemishes. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9296 Oh, no. That’s what got me here in the first place. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9297 All the kings horses & men did the best they could. But then I caught the virus. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9298 You look like you could use a little eggnog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9299 One bad egg? There were at least three! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9300 I thought I knew what I was getting into taking that job as Humpty Dumpty's stunt double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9301 It's dicey. Just hoping to slam a gin fizz before some fool wants a whiskey sour. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9302 So then she says, 'This'll REALLY crack you up,' and then - PUSH 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9303 I had an egg cream next door 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9304 No egg whites, please. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9305 Did I have a great fall? No, stupid, it’s still Springtime. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9306 I was working on the border wall, up until the economy's great fall, now I've got this virus and have become extremely desirous to drink until I’m whipped into slaw. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9307 Life's tough,but you're really a good egg. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9308 I just need something to take the egg off 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9309 I can manage walls ..but falling for that chick hit me harder 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9310 Damn egg nog! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9311 No matter how many times they put me back together, I'll always be a fragile white shell lacking in big cock energy. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9312 My name is Humpty. You haven’t seen all the king’s horses and men, by chance? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9313 Let me tell ya what a day I had! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9314 My marriage to Humpty is cracking up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9315 Bartender, no yolk - I think I'm cracking! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9316 Well they tried to put me together again but half the King's horses and all the King's men have been furloughed. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9317 First he beat me then he scrambled 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9318 Yeah, but the landing was terrible. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9319 The wall just hasn’t held me up like in ‘16. All my horses and all my men can’t put me back together again.” 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9320 Tuck and roll," they say. But it felt like wall-to-wall wall 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9321 You know what, make it a double. Sure, I had a great fall. But this spring has been rough. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9322 Please don’t tell me that Gin Fizz cocktail your serving me has my egg whites from my accident. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9323 People ask who comes first, pretending that our marriage is a happy one. She beats me every day. She hits me so hard that my yolk runs. She doesn't mean it though. You know that, right? She loves me, and she'd never forgive me if I left her. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9324 Yeah, I was involved in a face-off. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9325 Wow. You really crack me up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9326 It was either come here or call the Egg Advisory Council. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9327 Make that a double nog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9328 I survived all the king’s men and all the king’s horses but got slammed by a Black Lives Matter protest march. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9329 Skip it. I already fell off the wagon last week. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9330 Then the horses and soldiers dropped me here. Make it a double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9331 ...and as if that wasn't enough, Medicare doesn't cover injuries incurred in a domestic dispute! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9332 Excuse me, but that wall IS all that it's cracked up to be! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9333 Eggsactly 3 ounces please 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9334 All this wall sitting business is rough when you don't have insurance. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9335 When she tried to scramble my brains, that was it! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9336 I don't need the glass. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9337 A Boilermaker please! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9338 Honestly, I wish I were made of plastic. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9339 Trumpty Dumpty fell off his border wall. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9340 Make it a double, I just can't seem to get myself together today. submitted by Peter and Ellen Funk, New York City 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9341 Humpty Dumpty walks into a bar and says, “ Bartender, pour me anything but a Harvey Wallbanger. “ 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9342 Less tequila this time. I learned my lesson. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9343 All the Kings Horses my ass! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9344 Ah, some pain killer. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9345 Double... - what's a white good egg gonna do this days? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9346 I need a drink, a lot of life insurance and a vacation — but after that I’m laying off the Raymond Chandler.” 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9347 Fell off the wall again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9348 2020 can go suck an egg. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9349 So anyway, I'm suing all the King's horses and all the King's men. Thank God the Egg Medical Techncians were nearby. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9350 That's the last time I sit on a wall without a stunt double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9351 I was only one of six, but you should have seen the other half dozen protestors! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9352 I feel scrambled, make that a double, please. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9353 All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't do it, but honey, I think you might have something there. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9354 Please pour me a Sal. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9355 Not Lincoln, not Washington, not even old 'Rough and Ready' Teddy Roosevelt - I swear I'm the only President in the history of the country who had the guts to defy the Law..............of Gravity. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9356 I don't have much hope for the care provided by all the kings horses and all the kings men. Do you know any doctors? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9357 I need something stronger than eggnog 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9358 I certainly hope that's the organic, non-GMO yolk juice you're pouring for me, Stan. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9359 Whadda you mean you’re cutting me off? I already fell off the wall. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9360 Yeah, eggnog, heavy on the nutmeg. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9361 Who cracked you, Eggs Benedict? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9362 Please, no hard stuff'; and you know, I was pushed. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9363 Make it a double, but please, hold the opioids! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9364 Went better than expected 1.0545 0.03090 55 51 3 0
9365 Sam, make it a double, I am feeling cracked today. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9366 I really wish they'd let the padding,oops, people back on the trains. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9367 Make mine shaken, not stirred-- trying to forget I was beaten and fried. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9368 Hit me quickly, I’m cracking up! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9369 After the horses and men were done with me, there came the women and the cats. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9370 Eggnog? Really? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9371 Set me up with another King's Horse barkeep 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9372 The Wall was higher than I thought. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9373 So what so good about being a good egg? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9374 Yeah, I had a great fall. But this spring is kicking my ass! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9375 So the king said, “all my horses and all my men are a bunch of losers.” Then, when I wasn’t amazed how he put me back together again, he called me a loser and told me I’m fired... Even though I didn’t work for him. Oy, I’ve got such a headache..... 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9376 These backyard urban chicken farmers are killing me! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9377 I’m not as cracked as the President 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9378 All my king's men said they wouldn't put me together again! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9379 Vinegar? What? You think I'm going to be egg salad soon? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9380 Make mine a double dumpty. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9381 Make that a nog, stirred, not shaken ! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9382 I ordered an egg-head special, not an egg-nog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9383 My healthcare doesn't cover border wall falls. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9384 Can you split the bill between my thirteen shards? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9385 All I can remember is something about kings and horses. The rest is a blur. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9386 The King's whiskey? Leave the bottle. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9387 My fall was not so great. That said, all the king's horses and all the king's men could, in fact, put me together again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9388 Make it a double, please. I am not as cracked up as I look. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9389 So I sat on a wall... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9390 Here's to being hard-boiled. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9391 All the King’s men been in recently? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9392 Hello my name Is raw egg 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9393 She was cheating with the guy on the other side of the wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9394 Wall Street's had to get more aggressive in this economy 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9395 Now there's glory for you! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9396 I don't care what happened last time I ordered a double! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9397 You should have seen the mess out there after all those horses showed up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9398 The Jeeves solution to a hangover is egg in whisky, not whisky in egg, but I'll try it your way. Don't forget the Tabasco and Worcestershire. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9399 All the King's horses and King's men have nothing on Hair of the Dog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9400 The King’s horses aren’t what they used to be. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9401 Are you kidding? It was the King's horses that did most of the damage. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9402 Tried to break my head open with a spoon, then humped me and dumped me - all before finishing breakfast 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9403 But I’m a good egg. You say people can’t see that, what, because of the colour of my SHELL?? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9404 And make that a double, please.” Queen L. Ewelike, Houston, Texa 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9405 All this Republican Gaslighting has finally got to me and and their cracks are slipping through my shell. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9406 I knew I shouldn't have taken the dare of sitting on that goddamn wall 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9407 Humpty Dumpty: FIXED? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9408 I fell on hydroxychloroquine, then switched to conventional medicine. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9409 That eggotistical maniac is breaking me! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9410 Make a double. No make a triple. I gotta stop seeing that wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9411 I really scrambled that bad egg who attached me! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9412 All the king's horses and all the king's men sent me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9413 So, how do I get a hold of the "King's men" anyway? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9414 Put a lid on it,will you? I'm going right back to Mexico the way I came. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9415 Make that a double Joe, I have a splitting shell! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9416 It's Brooklyn- you were bound to get creamed. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9417 It’s not all the it’s cracked up to be out there any more so I’ll have another! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9418 Make mine a triple! I've had a bad day! I've had a bad life! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9419 I actually thought it would be cool to do my thing on Trump 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9420 Why would anyone want to build a wall in the first place... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9421 If they hadn't lifted the quarantine, 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9422 Let me pour you a drink Mr. Trump! Anything new with you today? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9423 I hope that's the Rum and Cognac Eggnog that I need as I am all cracked up right now! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9424 Don't you have an egg cream for my skin? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9425 Well, it has been a dumpty four months. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9426 The last time I looked like this all the dinosaurs died. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9427 As the mascot to the Justice Dept., could you make that a triple? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9428 so the King's horses and the King's men left 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9429 I need a little pick-me-upper. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9430 That’s when all the king’s horses and all the king’s men started to turn on me! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9431 Better make it a double, I feel like I'm cracking up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9432 Being a white egg these days is no picnic. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9433 I didn't have the right insurance... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9434 There was at least a dozen of them. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9435 Hey buddy - include a yoke please! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9436 You shoulda seen the other guy... there was yolk all over the sidewalk. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9437 Another? Yes, it’s cheaper and more fun than pain killers. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9438 Hair of WHAT dog?! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9439 Whoa...is that a whiskey sour? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9440 I was just sitting on his wall and it came crumbling down around him. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9441 I'm just glad all the King's men have to be really good at walking on eggshells. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9442 Man, don’t mess with Bill Barr. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9443 I banged one too many walls already Harvey. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9444 It’s what happens when you whip the cream. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9445 Easy on the rocks this time. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9446 This will put you back together again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9447 And that’s when I said, “Why don’t you kids try throwing the toilet paper instead this time!” 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9448 They say you fall and break things more as you get older- seems to be true. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9449 If I had a nickle for every time someone said, "The yolk's on you", I could buy Manhattan. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9450 Yeah, yeah, the king's men fixed my up but I've got no yolk, Bob. Know what I mean, no yolk, no yolk! Sometimes I envy Humpty, seriously. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9451 Thank goodness the emergency squad came by as I was sitting on the wall, I’ll have an egg nog on the rocks! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9452 Sure it looks bad, but it’s better than being an omelet 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9453 'If you're so hard boiled,"" they just kept at me, "'f you're so hard boiled, get up on that wall!"" "So, I took the challenge, not knowing the King's Men were roustabouts, not public servants. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9454 Occupy Wall Street, bud? Occupy Wall, mostly, but yeah. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9455 Would you like that scrambled or stirred? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9456 At your prices, I wish they wouldn't have put me back together again." 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9457 My mother was an ostrich. She's gone now. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9458 Ah yes, the cause and solution to all my problems. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9459 You want to put an egg in that beer for me ? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9460 And then the guys, you know, tried to 'put me together again' and I just flipped. Hey, easy on the rye!" 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9461 Humpty Trumpty had a great fall, and it was SO unfair. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9462 She wanted it hard , not 3 minutes 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9463 Humpty dumpty after having a fall, needed a drink. How all the kings horses and all the kings men somehow put Humpty together again is a mystery. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9464 Hey Joe, give me a Harvey Wallbanger...and make it a double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9465 No fizzy soda please. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9466 It's been a rough day. I'm about to crack ! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9467 Anything but an eggnog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9468 I'll tell you, Harry, it was one hell of an experience 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9469 Imma get drunk and destroy all the walls! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9470 Tomorrow John, tomorrow 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9471 Go easy, I'm fried from getting pickled. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9472 I already fell off a wall! If you give me one of those I may fall off this stool and no one will put me together again because of social distancing. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9473 Extra work in 'Rocky 7' not crackin' for you, eh? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9474 Geeze! I had all the King all the King’s horses and all the King’s men and look at me! It’s outrageous! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9475 Pour me a drink before I crack up! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9476 Wait now, did you say horses?” “They used the tools at their disposal I suppose... if only they had tape too, or maybe compassion. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9477 Make it a double, all the kings horses and all the kings men did a number on me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9478 Do you own a cat? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9479 ..Then all the King's horses and men rode off and left me there.. That's when I decided I needed a little something to ease the pain, so better make this one a double! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9480 Who the hell thought the king's horses could put anything back together again?" Scott Sears, Somerset, K 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9481 ‘Oy, wait till I tell you about all the King’s men.’ 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9482 Sorry, but is that keto friendly? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9483 Of course I had a great fall! I went apple picking, went to a few football games. Hahaha, but yes I’m in incredible amounts of pain. Keep the booze coming. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9484 He wanted to make the world's biggest omelet. He got snuffed. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9485 I really wish I would stop falling off this barstool... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9486 So I said who are you calling egghead?next thing boom! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9487 I'll take a couple of those over All the King's horses and all the King's men any day! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9488 Just pour it, don’t egg me on! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9489 Luckily, I was white. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9490 I slept with a short-tempered chicken...I came first 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9491 All the King's horses and all the King's men fucked up 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9492 Make is a double. Something there is that does not love a wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9493 You think I won't sue you over this rickety-ass bar stool? I'm a professional wall-sitter. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9494 I wont go near Trump’s wall again! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9495 I get the omelette analogy, but to fire a guy on his birthday... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9496 Hello, Kings Horses? You better get over here soon. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9497 How the hell are all the King’s horses supposed to put me back together again? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9498 I could have been fried! - I need an eggsulent drink! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9499 No booze, I'll have a New York style egg cream... 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9500 Well, ya know, the wall was kinda high! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9501 don't even think of offering me an egg nog 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9502 I had a great Fall, but this Spring was just awful ! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9503 For the next Amaretto Sour, can we use someone else? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9504 A Whiskey Sour? I look that bad? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9505 A little something formy nerves please, barkeep, my brain is scrambled. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9506 Humpty, my friend! Here’s one for the road! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9507 Humpty Dumpty didn't see The Dumpster. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9508 You should see 2020. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9509 Could you make an exception for me as far as ‘Happy Hour’? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9510 I don’t know if I should have another Harvey Wallbanger. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9511 Hold the egg whites. I'm allergic. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9512 Uh, make it a double. The fall was from a wall that's really a lot more tall than Trump's . 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9513 It was a great fall! I forgot that I was sitting on a two-drink wall! 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9514 You feel like you’re cracking up? Try living in MY shell! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9515 I don't know where you'd even get a king's man these days. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9516 Is that eggnog? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9517 Geez. Don’t you have a larger glass? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9518 I’m just saying, I don’t think these drinks are helping you not fall off the wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9519 This isn't where I Egg-sactly pictured my self tonight. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9520 Humpty Dumpty had a bad Spring. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9521 Crack me a yoke, friend. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9522 Could be worse. The king’s horsemen and the king’s men are not exactly doctors. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9523 I’ll take another wallbanger. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9524 Not another wallbanger 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9525 Drink that? You really crack me up. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9526 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men might not have been able to put you together again, but this bourbon sure will. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9527 The last guy tried to turn me into a whiskey sour. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9528 A martini will help me recover from the big punch 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9529 Glue on the rocks. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9530 The fall actually wasn't that bad, but it's better this way for insurance purposes. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9531 Have you heard the one about an egg walking into a bar? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9532 All the horses and men got sent to the border. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9533 Remind me never to rely on all the King's horses! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9534 Trust me . . . that's too much head. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9535 The border wall fell out from under me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9536 All the King's Horses® vodka isn't helping. Let's move on to All the King's Men® whiskey. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9537 You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs," he says 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9538 Barkeep, you’re looking at the new Joe Public. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9539 I told all the king's horses and all the king's men, I'd just end up here if they put me together again. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9540 Make it a gin but hold the tunic 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9541 Make it a double. Elmo cancelled. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9542 Come on, bring me another drink, can't you see how broken i am? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9543 I'm scotched. Better make it a double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9544 Just the f...ing drink thanks. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9545 I used to be considered a good egg. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9546 The quality of a King's College degree has gone down. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9547 Make it a double. I had a big fall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9548 Make it a double, 2020 had a great fall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9549 But you know what hurts the most? The Dumpty thing. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9550 Falling wasn’t the problem. The King’s horses trampled me. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9551 OK, I'll have one more bourbon. But after that, I'm back to being a scotch egg. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9552 And now they say we don't even HAVE a king. Just devils. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9553 So, the last thing I remember was all the kings men last night drinking over at that table and telling me how well I was put together. When I awoke this morning they were all laughing, calling me Humpty and tried telling me I had fallen off a wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9554 Glad to see y u're all together again after that fall on the walkway. Let me pour you a little water .... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9555 A double to put me back together again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9556 Dumpty some more please 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9557 Make it a double. My brain is fried. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9558 The king’s summoning first responders To train his horses and men. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9559 Hey, that fall was no yolk, bartender. You’d look like this too after all the King’s horses and all the King’s men tried to put you back together again!” 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9560 Don't expect great treatment from the king's horses. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9561 If all the king's men couldn't fix me--make it a double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9562 This is the best all the King’s horses and all the King’s men could do 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9563 When the horses jumped in and tried to help, I knew I had to get out of there 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9564 All I said to the protesters was "last one outta hers is a rotten egg!" 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9565 I'd like one country. On the rocks, please. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9566 Make it a double. I went to my mother-in-law’s for her family dinner tonight, and after that Thanksgiving fiasco, everyone was walking on eggshells. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9567 The King's horses and men aren't covered by health insurance and I am still a wreck. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9568 On my way to Mexico, saw a wall and couldn't resist. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9569 Some hard-boiled egghead tried to tell me about the wall's shoddy construction, but would I listen? I fell, and, boy, did I feel scrambled. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9570 I'll tell ya, demonstrations these days just seem to crack me up " 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9571 It all started in Tulsa on June 20th. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9572 Clorox didn't help,what I need is a big glass of Baijiu to fight off this import that knock me off the great wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9573 Hair of the dog...not king's horses. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9574 I'm not quite together again. The King's Men were doing fine...then those damn horses decided they needed to help. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9575 who taught you how to crack an egg? 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9576 You look like you could use a Red Eye... oh, sorry. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9577 That wall's got nothin' on the King's Horsemen and the King's men! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9578 So he says to me, "all the king's horses and all the king's men" 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9579 No way I was gonna be part of that omelette. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9580 Humpty Dumpty needs two shots of Rumpty. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9581 It all began with me on a wall. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9582 I was okay with the quarantine, but then I cracked. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9583 Make it weak. I don't want to fall off the stool again._ 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9584 Let’s hope we can put our democracy back together again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9585 Well...where where the queens when this scrum was happening? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9586 Make it a double. I didn’t know it was illegal to sit on a wall! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9587 One of the king’s horses stepped on me. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9588 The fall was no big deal but all the king’s horses were carrying tax men. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9589 I know I’m slightly undercooked, but don‘t treat me like a salmonella guy. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9590 Well, it doesn't look like the hair of a dog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9591 Make mine frothy without an egg white. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9592 After this year's Spring and Summer, I'm afraid I won't make it to my big Fall... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9593 Sure, easy to say,'Best to get right back up on the Wall.' You’ve got Medicare. All I’ve got are these Superglue High Balls. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9594 I'm harder than I realised. If my neighbour had fallen off that wall he would be an omelette by now. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9595 Pour enough for pickled please. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9596 Thank goodness I'm hardboiled! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9597 Trump promised I would be just like I was yesterday, just like of old. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9598 Never thought the King's horsemen would do this. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9599 And then the last thing I remember is him telling her : « Hold my beer » 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9600 Any chance you've got eggnog? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9601 The pressure's getting to me ... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9602 Be nice to be together again..make it a double! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9603 Did you say ‘Egg Nog’ 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9604 Enough with the Humpty Dumpty crap buddy. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9605 All the king’s men can kiss my entire white ass. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9606 The one guy was wearing a MEGGA hat 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9607 So, how'd you get into the barkeeping game? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9608 This was just from a fall off this wall. Anyways, do you have anymore of that alcohol? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9609 So then I said to him. "Oh yeah, what's it to you?" and he says "It's what you have to do to make and omelet." 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9610 Just water today. I don’t want to get tipsy again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9611 It’s what happens when an egg goes bad. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9612 At attempt from all the king's horses and ... 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9613 Non-alcoholic beverage please! Or else I will clot inside. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9614 And I thought the first fall was great. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9615 Teflon is phased out. Part of me is stuck. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9616 Yeah, I guess you've probably heard the same old sad story before. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9617 The king's horses and the king's men told me this would make me feel better. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9618 Better make it Corpse Reviver, and make it to go. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9619 It was that damn Mexican wall again. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9620 And the worst part is, this fall wasn’t even that great. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9621 Maybe one of the king's men will have better luck tomorrow. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9622 One Wallbanger, on the house. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9623 Thankfully, The King found new horses and men. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9624 I'll have a hard boilermaker 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9625 The ER Doc said I could always try some of that Horse Soldier Straight Bourbon if the King's horses didn't do the trick. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9626 Just a straight nog. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9627 I don’t remember anything I said after, “Don’t egg me on!” 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9628 I'm never going back to that diner. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9629 Forget king's horses and men - give me some whiskey and a good listener. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9630 Everyone is walking on eggshells out there 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9631 The Eggnog's not making it any better 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9632 Any chance you could put that jar of pickled eggs away until I leave? 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9633 And all I said was Trump seems like a good egg. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9634 Me, Humpty Dumpty look like an egg, but not an egg.... That crushed me! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9635 It’s not a good time for walls. Make it a double. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9636 Yes, it’s my head. They say that if they don’t run tests, it won’t crack. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9637 Let’s get cracking. 1.0545 0.04035 55 53 1 1
9638 ...stupid Mexican wall! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
9639 When Humpty Trumpy had a great fall from the wall. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9640 Better make it a double. After the day I’ve had, I feel like I’m about to crack. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9641 She said I'm not big enough to be a real Nest Egg. What does that even mean? Man, I feel like a real Humpty right now! 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9642 Humpty Dumpty went to a bar... 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9643 I ain't broke enough!! Pour me another one, of the Cracker's juice maybe. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9644 Humpty broke the wall didn't. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9645 Give me the right tonic to kill the COVID -19 virus. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9646 It’s been a hard boiled day. One cocktail, but no egg whites, please. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9647 I was told to be not with that little girl... 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9648 All the king’s horses and all the king’s men are a bunch of quacks! 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9649 Fix me a drink? 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9650 If i can pour it in, make me an eggnogg please 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9651 I don’t know what the world is coming to 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9652 Humpty dumpy had a bad fall 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9653 Have being egg-stremely hard to stand them up! If the world was made of eggs it would be one big scramble… 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9654 Maybe with all this alcohol they let me in the house again" 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9655 Cracking under pressure has a whole new meaning after the massacre I witnessed at breakfast 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9656 Do you recommend Bourbon Flips to all of your customers or just me? 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9657 ... but you should see all the King’s horses and all the King’s men. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9658 It was the winter that almost killed me. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9659 Hey, if I got on his wall, anyone can . . . make it a stiff one. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9660 Can you make a drink named 'All The King's Men'? 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9661 Only time will tell if Humpty was a bad egg! 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9662 No egg in the Guinness, please 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9663 Turns out my greatest fall was off the wagon. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9664 The next round for all the king’s men is on me 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9665 Please, no cracked ice Please. 1.0536 0.03964 56 54 1 1
9666 My Obamacare policy didn’t cover falls off border walls 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9667 I've been caught up is some hot water; now my life is not all it is cracked up to be... 1.0536 0.03964 56 54 1 1
9668 Make it a double,Charlie !! I’ve got to get back up on the Wall again tomorrow. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9669 Top it off, Sam. All the King’s horses Kicked and s—-on Me for the whole Campaign! 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9670 Look what happens when the King's horses put you together! 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9671 Ouch! It hurts to be me. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9672 The devilled, you say. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9673 No! I said an egg nog!! 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9674 All I said was, " Go sit on a wall." 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9675 It's official, I'm moving to our southern boarder tomorrow. After Tulsa, there is zero chance of my cousin, Humpty 'TheRampStumbler' Trumpty, ever getting his wall built. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9676 Do you have any experience with smelly, yellow liquid coming out of your patrons? 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9677 My doctor says if I fall over again, I'd be scrambled everywhere. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9678 So there I was, sitting on a wall, when the king and all is horses and men show up. 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9679 Humpty sit on this wall, sit on that wall"-Times are tough but birthday parties are the worst. If I fall one more time, all the King's men won't have much to put back together again 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
9680 heard you had a great fall, this ones on the house 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9681 -You look dead sir -huh.. I’m not born yet 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9682 Greg, I’m telling you, last fry-day those poachers almost had me 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9683 So not your usual scrambled eggs today, huh? 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9684 It was bit like walking on eggshells when I declined, but there was no way I was going to let all the president's men try to put me back together again. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9685 Make it a triple Jake! That wall must have been built by a trump crony! 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9686 The bartender asks, “Straight up? Or on the rocks?” 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9687 - It’s a tough gig writing Trump’s tweets 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9688 No worries...it’s not something a little Kintsugi can’t fix... 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9689 Can you pour it over something a little softer than the rocks? 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9690 Better make this one a crack mender 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9691 ...so they released me and apologized. Apparently All the King's Men had just assumed I was a protester. 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9692 Nope, not the wall this time. It was the curb. Might as well give me another hit. I can take it 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9693 The chicken wouldn't hear that she wasn't first 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9694 It WAS great, Joe: it's winter, spring and summer that are rough. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9695 The fall wasn't bad, it was all of Trump's horses and all of his men, trying to put me together again. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9696 Better make it a tall. And one for you, so we are together again. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9697 This COVID life ain't all that it's cracked up to be 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9698 Let's see if your eggnog can do what the king's horses and king's men couldn't. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9699 If I pour you another drink, you can't get up onto that wall again! 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9700 And the smart aleck Kings Horseman said, "This is no yoke." 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9701 Easy on the shaking, please. 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9702 That wall? It ain’t cracked up like it used to be. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9703 How hard can it be to not roll off a wagon? 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9704 The work ethic behind the horses and men in this kingdom have left me a little bit underwhelmed. Please keep the drinks coming. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9705 Yeah, it really hurt when I walked into that bar. 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9706 If the Moscow Mule doesn’t work, I’ll try the King’s Horse. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9707 I gotta say, it's days like today that I'm glad I'm hard boiled! 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9708 The King's soldiers were worse than the fall. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9709 Well I was just sitting there on the wall and ... 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9710 skip all the kings horses and the kings men. They're with Epstein. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9711 Know any career counselor's? 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9712 A whiskey sour and some egg wash on the side, please. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9713 Charge it to all the King’s Men. 1.0526 0.03895 57 55 1 1
9714 I’d just sat down on the southern border wall when they unleashed the Pentagon funding. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9715 That story really cracked me up, tell me another one. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
9716 Listen Humpty, the couple of bad King’s Men who pushed you shouldn’t take away from the good ones who put you back together. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9717 Bartender: "Another round sir?" Humpty Dumpty: "No can do. Can't you see I'm broke?" 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9718 Looks like you had an egg-citing day! 1.0517 0.03828 58 56 1 1
9719 I barely escaped the bicep egg challenge. 1.0517 0.01739 58 56 2 0
9720 ...There were Horses, and Men...somebody called me 'Hardboiled '...and down I went!... 1.0517 0.03828 58 56 1 1
9721 My insurance only covers the King's horses. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9722 And here I always thought I could take a yolk! 1.0517 0.03828 58 56 1 1
9723 That last drink gave me a great fall. Go easy on this one or all the king's horses and all the king's men will never be able to put me together again. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9724 We're all taking a great fall right now... 1.0517 0.03828 58 56 1 1
9725 I just feel so scrambled Morsell 1.0517 0.03828 58 56 1 1
9726 This big guy picks me up and tries to put me in his beer. So anyway, what the hell kind of drink is a Boiler Maker? 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9727 I got tired of them always asking, which came first the chicken or the egg?” 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9728 It wasn't eggnog. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9729 I’ll pour this for ya, glass half full. 1.0517 0.03828 58 56 1 1
9730 Can I have a strong pain killer please? I hope I don't fall of this chair... 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9731 Swear to God, that was the last time I had eggnog. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
9732 you should see the other guy 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9733 I call this “All the King’s Horses.” 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9734 I was reading a book on the ancient Inca empire, did you know they had a very sophisticated accounting system with knots on ropes called "quipú"? 1.0385 0.03846 52 51 0 1
9735 And then she says she wants her mommy to tell her that rhyme everyday for forever! 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9736 Sit on the wall - they said. It will be a great fall- they said. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9737 So I said, "You crack me up!" and he took me literally. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9738 He wasn't kidding about that wall. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9739 Sir, a gin and tonic on the rocks. I could really use a pick-me-up after falling off the great wall. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9740 No, I do not want an egg in my beer. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9741 Rum and broken noggin please 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9742 Sorry, I just assumed you'd prefer it without the foam. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9743 Got any Pickled Eggs? 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9744 I'm OK. This one's only 3 feet. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9745 Make it a double. I'd rather fall off the wagon that that wall again. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9746 It's a gender confusion issue. I have always felt like a male, but when my shell started cracking I had doubts. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9747 Ready for some eggnog? 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9748 Looks like they put Humpty together again! 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9749 Yeah, the put me back together, but you should see the bill! 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9750 I'll have an eggnog. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9751 I promised my parents I'd never turn out like him – now look at me. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9752 So all the king’s horses and all the king’s men walk into a bar... 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9753 I doubt one more will have much affect on my ability to sit. 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9754 Better than a sunny side-up... 1.0385 0.02693 52 50 2 0
9755 Skydiving is not eggsactly what it’s all cracked-up to be,” said Humpty Dumpty after his great fall 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9756 Hair of the dog always works for me. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9757 Humpty Dumpty was so broken, he left a tab open 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9758 So many dirty politician's around the world, and they called me rotten egg. I tell you Rick life isn't fair 😅 @mattyperry4 could I be more wrong about this? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9759 Save some for the world” 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9760 For your wounds 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9761 Had a great fall? This was from The King’s Horses and Men 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9762 I tell you true, bartender: it was all the king’s horses and all the king’s man who are to blame. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9763 My life’s in scrambles, crack- no gently uncap me a cold one will ya? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9764 Make it a double, it's been a rough day. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9765 No more safety nets, Phil 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9766 No, no. Leave the Galliano out of this one, please. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9767 A pint will put me together again 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9768 That’s right...fuck yo pisco sours 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9769 ....yes ,it was horse that put me back together. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9770 Look at the bright side you’ll make a great scrambled egg 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9771 Give me something cracking 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9772 Yeah, well, you should see Humpty! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9773 The other guy was yolked, I didn’t stand a chance. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9774 if i fall off this chair i’ll shatter into a million pieces 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9775 Rough day at the office... 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9776 Why can’t you fall of the wagon instead of the balcony 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9777 Been a tough day. They are cracking cold ones here at rapid speed. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9778 It's too tough to uphold humans, i want to get high. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9779 Ironically, the cops were overzealous in capturing my whites 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9780 Pint of Kings Men please. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9781 thanks king, but it’s nothing. i’m a painpig. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9782 A long day in Yolklahoma. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9783 Cracks are increasing, but this one won't hurt much. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9784 . "Looks like I'm not going to have a great Winter, either." 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9785 I have egg whites if you don’t” (aka a Manhattan 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9786 Bartender: Wait, you want a whisky sour? We’re out of eggs... Egg: DAMNIT 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9787 - Scrambled? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9788 I’ll tell ya, they threw the best the monarchy had at me. But it’s just so hard to trust the government these days. I need a second opinion here. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9789 Make it a double. Blondie didn't appreciate my opinion on walls 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9790 All the king's horses and men call me Humpty, I mean I definitely don't see the resemblance. Do you? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9791 This should help you stop feeling so egged up. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9792 You’re lucky that it wasn’t “bar tender” shaped. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9793 Trump after Tulsa- Couldn’t pull Trumpty Dumpty Rally again! Go vote Trump OUT y’all, Cheers🥂 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9794 One of the King's men said this is the new ER. Make it a double. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9795 . . . and that's when I realized I just had to quit walls, cold turkey. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9796 After last night? Okay, just one. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9797 Make it a stiff one, I need a little stability on this stool. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9798 Make it a double, and, no, it wasn't a wall on the border. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9799 She slammed me on a skillet and said I'd become rotten. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9800 I escaped by a whisker. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9801 I hate to say it, but at the end of the day, it is what it is." 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9802 Is this one on the house? I just came from there and it didn't go down as smooth. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9803 The honesty she demanded didn’t go over easy. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9804 When you’re an anthropomorphic egg, you have to be careful about which wall you sit on. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9805 I guess his buddies were waiting around the corner with spoons. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9806 So I had a minor slip, and then along come all these horses and men and look what they did to me! I need a drink! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9807 Harvey - Is that a wallbanger?? Thomas J. Hurley Hopewell NJ 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9808 Finally, I don’t know if this addiction comes from my fragile shell or if it weakened my shell... 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9809 Hello! King's Men please. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9810 Falling off the wagon is quite fraught. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9811 I defintely need MORE than just Kings Horses and Kings Men. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9812 Help me feel together again. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9813 Make it a double. I've got a splitting headache. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9814 What was I expecting, the 21st Airborne? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9815 People don’t realize the pitfalls involved in building a wall. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9816 Make it a Harvey Wallbanger. This whole situation is the twist. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9817 I'm hoping the Mayo Clinic can put me together again. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9818 You think I look bad, you should see what that wall looks like! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9819 The King's horses were a bust. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9820 So after all the king's horses and all the king's men gave up on me, I called 9-1-1. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9821 How tall was this wall either way? Crazy thing to have around us these days. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9822 Gimme a double. I've fallen off the wagon. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9823 It's a miracle! Open the oat bags and open the bar for all the King's horses and all of his men 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9824 Humpty havin a bad day. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9825 The stock market cracked... If I had known this before I sat the wall 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9826 Humpty, you need this after your great fall. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9827 Sure, all the king's men say it was a "fall". 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9828 The King's Men put me together again. Then the King's Horses stepped on me. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9829 No, it has not been a good Fall. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9830 Tell me that’s not a Pisco Sour. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9831 She said I 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9832 Crack open a beer for me, will ya? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9833 Make that a double. It's for All The King's Men. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9834 The worst part of my day after falling off the wall was when the King 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9835 You look like you would make a good slow gin fizz. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9836 This'll beat all the King's men. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9837 1) A Eggselant choice for my problem. 2) No thanks!! That's how I got here. 3) Do I look that bad? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9838 I told them I was hard-boiled. They thought I was poached and still tried to make a salad out of me. No more Mister sunny-side up. They're in for a scramble now. This omelette isn't going to be over easy. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9839 How would _you_ feel if you had horses trying to put you together again? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9840 I thought he said"lets have a great tipple." 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9841 Keep the Harvey Wallbangers coming. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9842 The latest antiviral cocktail for all my 19 symptoms, quick !! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9843 This one’s on the king. He feels bad he couldn’t help more. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9844 The other guy was yolked 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9845 After Covid inflamed my head, the only thing to shrink it is a stiff drink! 1.0208 0.02105 48 46 1 0
9846 They used to say I was Grade A before I fell off the wagon. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9847 2020. What’s yours? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9848 Apparently I sat on the M-egg-xican Border Wall. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9849 Make it a double, but hold the rocks. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9850 I got caught in a 'Bacon' protest rally. They want to be thought of as completely independent! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9851 Well, you shouldda seen the other guy. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9852 All the king's horses and all the king's men,can never equal a scotch blend... 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9853 It's on the house. Quarantine almost cracked me, too. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9854 Yeah, so it's been a terrible summer, but I had a great fall 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9855 Define “great.” 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9856 It was a great fall, but fortunately I'm hard-boiled. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9857 I sat on the wall. But I never built the wall. I had a great fall. You know the rest. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9858 I'm thinking' of quitting my job at The Omelette Factory. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9859 They said it couldn't be done, but I am still cracked. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9860 I was sitting on this wall when, and I'm not egg sad your rating here, the wind picks up. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9861 American? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9862 If the edge were on I wouldn't be here. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9863 And I thought testing new walls was a thing of the past. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9864 Well, I was just sitting there. Suddenly out of nowhere these brutes appear with "BORDER PATROL" on their back... 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9865 I'm wondering if it was worth the climb over Mr. T's wall just to get some decent Tequila 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9866 No, it wasn't like that. Some orange guy asked my name. I said "Jose;" he pushed me off. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9867 We’re all the king’s horses and all the king’s men any help? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9868 $100 on King's Horses. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9869 No Matter what I say cut me off at two! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9870 Oh, please, anything but a Harvey Wallbanger 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9871 I thought they'd be careful when walking on eggshells 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9872 "You should see the other egg." Kyle D. Kenyon Bonita Springs, FL 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9873 I'm dying for a Harvey Wallbanger!!!" 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9874 It all started with "...and the Mexicans will pay for it!" 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9875 One shell shock Martini please. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9876 You're right Randy, I am hard-boiled. I shouldn't have been yelling Eggs Lives Matter. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9877 There's no sour mix in that, is there? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9878 Gimme a triple eggnog straight up, keep 'em coming, and don't you dare crack any yolks about this! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9879 No hard enough to be a grown-up egg. Just a glass of water, please... 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9880 Looks like you’ve been typecast. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9881 I keep flashing back to the horses. Make it a double. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9882 For the Gram? 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9883 A Tom and Jerry? That's cruel. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9884 My mistake was one for the road. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9885 Pour me something stronger than all the king’s horses and all the kings men. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9886 Yolked up again I see? Let me get you that bloom shot buddy,perks ya right up. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9887 I should have been wearing a mask! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9888 Oh, no. No. Don't do that. No. Look at me. Don't you know? It's all in the story. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9889 Since the king and his men couldn't figure it out...pour me a cup of your strongest. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9890 Your barber really cracks me up! 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9891 Just a beer, I'm done with Harvey Wallbangers. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9892 Alcohol will save me. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9893 I'll never have to worry about falling off the wagon. 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9894 Brandy and ale? That's how this all started!" 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9895 My advice: Don't sit on a wall 1.0208 0.02105 48 47 1 0
9896 Neat. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9897 All of Trump’s horses and all of Trump’s men couldn’t put you back together again either, huh? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9898 Humpty Trumpty had a great fall! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9899 Man, it wasn’t that Trump border wall. It was the Baby Trump balloon! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9900 And then the stocks came crashing down again shocking the shell out of me. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9901 Give me a drink, I’ve been replaced by Pence, his fall got a lot more ‘likes’ 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9902 So you up here looking for work, or just enjoy the challenge? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9903 Keep them coming, just like 2020. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9904 Post-Tulsa, Humpty Trumpty asks for another after a great fall from his own very important wall. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9905 We need to get those #westworld techs. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9906 Fall? Oh heavens no, this is from all my bills during quarantine. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9907 well I’m sure you’ve heard of ‘heartache’ before... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9908 I’ve fell over the wall, Burt 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9909 All this planning, and the damn wall I sat in was built by Trump 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9910 Hopefully that's the last time you try crack 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9911 That fragility looks like it could use a double... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9912 They tore down my fences and wall and made me pick a side, but deep down inside I’m all for the Asians. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9913 Before or after, sure. But apparently not on to" @jeffcullen how am I doing 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9914 Eggcential 1.0204 0.02062 49 47 1 0
9915 Another year, another San Juan feast I survived. Make it a double! #MyVENEZUELANNewYorkerCaption 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9916 ‘Pour one for the soldier who put me back together again...’ 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9917 2020 again? I'm still recovering from the 2016 fall! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9918 The fall was alright, but the horses! That's what wrecked me! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9919 Looks like you had a great fall...from your 2020 wall.” “ I am the eggman.” “ ...and I the Walrus. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9920 I guess I’ll take a fall over this virus... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9921 So, what’s in your shoes eggsactly ? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9922 I mean he recruited me here to sit on a wall. I didn’t sign up for any of this 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9923 I think I'll need something stronger for this headache 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9924 I’ll take a Painkiller 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9925 Putting the wagon on top of the wall wasn't such a good idea after all. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9926 The Spring was a bit tumultuous, but I'm hoping to have a great Fall. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9927 I’m Scott Alexander and New York Times threatened to dox me. I deleted my blog Slate Star Codex and now I just drink. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9928 She called me a crack head and left. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9929 I am a little hardheaded and I always believed that I was unbeatable. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9930 Well, you should see the other guy. His face looks like scrambled eggs! That will crack you up. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9931 'Red or white?' Mr Dumpty,'Read between my lines!@noman'sland ' 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9932 He called me Scrambly Wobbles and I just lost it 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9933 I’m just really cracking under the pressure to be the jammiest version of myself. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9934 The monuments were stealing my shine, so I panicked! I knew better! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9935 I should’ve asked for a dry shake. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9936 First it happened to toilet paper... then cracking sounds. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9937 I wish I could crack to that joke 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9938 I shoulda known better! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9939 This is the LAST gig I do at the border. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9940 So now we’re the poster babies for racial equality 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9941 She wanted to know the softhearted person inside me...now i'am afraid" 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9942 You know, maybe this job isn’t for me 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9943 Eggnog in July was a bad idea... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9944 I admitted, “The first step is a doozy” 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9945 I’ll show them just how well this Hydroxychloroquine is working me for me! What are you looking at? I’m not cracking; I’m perfectly fine. Don’t be nasty, pour me another glass, now! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9946 How was your interview?” “I think I cracked it Rob 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9947 Nothing better than alcohol to wash away the damn viruses inside🍷 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9948 a whiskey on this morning‘ egg knock? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9949 I’m really having second thoughts about changing the lyrics to ‘Humpty Dumpty had a great brawl’... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9950 At least it’s not raining. My mother always told me to keep the sunny side up. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9951 This egg knock thing is just too literal 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9952 -I mean, I'm not even American but at least one manage to put me back together again, it's called "old fashion" isn't it? 1.0204 0.02062 49 47 1 0
9953 I'm dying, but please, one more glass of wine. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9954 I said I'd have a highball, not sat on a wall. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9955 Artist’s sketch, January 1, 2021. Hopefully. Maybe. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9956 Sir your not old enough to drink 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9957 I got the headache and a fever blister, but other than that, notta. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9958 Hit Me Baby One More Time! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9959 It was hard enough getting myself together to get here. So be a Good-Egg and pour some alcohol in the glass this time...because the last pour was virtual. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9960 It was just a step, not a wall; I think I’ll pull through. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9961 There was a big drop at Wall Street today. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9962 Let’s crack back another one Phil- I’m looking to get hard boiled. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9963 No one told me there was a vegan conference in town. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9964 Not even the barman could put Humpty Dumpty back together again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9965 Don’t worry, this mixture will definitely get you all back together again... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9966 Better make it a virgin this time. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9967 No, I don't want it on the rocks. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9968 I may be walking on eggshells" wasn't a metapho 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9969 I pushed. You splattered. I need a drink. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9970 Do you want an Egg Cream? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9971 I am so tired of this good egg shit. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9972 I'm a bit shell-shocked. I have a Corpse Reviver. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9973 So this chick said she got there first and it started a whole thing... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9974 No damn ice 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9975 So much for peaceful protests! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9976 I was fine until all the king's horses arrived! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9977 All the King’s horses and all the king’s men Managed to put me together again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9978 So there I was, just sitting on the wall, and I was mistaken for General Beauregard Calhoun! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9979 I have fallen on black days. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9980 So, I tried to save Rapunzel and I fell off that huge tower of hers and the knights were all quarantined. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9981 How about a shot of glue and a chaser of B12? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9982 Well the king’s horses and men gave it a good whirl 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9983 I think I'd rather have a cuppa. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9984 We call this drink -The King's Men 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9985 You haven't seen any of the king's men, have you?" I think they were on horseback. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9986 Forget the king's horses and men, get me and egg cream and a scotch please. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9987 Trust me. I used to be a smiling egg. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9988 How did you I was a scotch egg 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9989 I "swear" Mexico was going to pay for the wall! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9990 At least I'm not as broken as some of the guys here 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9991 I really need a drink: Homeland Security wants me to wear a Mask: I said No: Just look at my attachments already:" Vipin Bery, Toront 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9992 The last guy thought I was serious when I said rose is just glorified white zin. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9993 The king's men proved to be talentless bastards. I'm pinning my last hope on the Bud Light Friggin' Knight. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9994 Make it a double for Dumpty 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9995 I think I'll go the alcohol route... I'm never getting high again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9996 Yes, it's very odd because my spring and summer were great. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9997 Luckily no one else was hurt. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9998 Just keep drinking, Humpty, until you can't feel how you couldn't be put together again 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
9999 Crown Royal, right? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10000 Not quite Stonewall...was it? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10001 You should see my Uncle Humpty. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10002 Don't Ask. Just keep the Ovaltine coming. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10003 All I said was ‘Eggs lives matter’... then they knocked me over... When I gained my consciousness back I still heard them shout ‘ALL LIVES MATTER, you freak!’ 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10004 And she kept telling the Officer: “You should see the other guy!” 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10005 And all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't get my safety deposit back again!" 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10006 ...and can you believe the FIRST place they went was to the damn HORSES?! .. Like what kinda of first aid do HORSES know?! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10007 I guess the wagon isn't for eggheads like me. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10008 Pour Humpty! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10009 Humpty Drumpty: "My wall is my downfall." 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10010 Eau-de-vie, please--hold the water. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10011 Look here Humpty, I know how those people take advantage of you. You can’t let them treat you like this and then expect to drink away the pain. I mean just look at your nose, your capillaries have all bursted. I hate seeing you like this. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10012 This'll get you through hump day, Dumpty. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10013 Give me an ‘Over Easy’: Cheval Regal with a twist of sarcasm. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10014 Let's have omelettes, she says. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10015 Oh you said Grey Goose, not Wild Turkey. That’s egg on my face. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10016 Stop with the walls already, you wanna end up like Dumpty 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10017 Everyone calls me Egghead. But I'm Egg! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10018 I can't catch a break: it's a terrible time to be an egg during this presidency. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10019 All the King's horses and men, and that Alice they wantonly mocked me with callous A drink on the house? and don't make me beg a double for this poor anthropomorphic cracked egg. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10020 I don’t mind the horses, but the king’s men want to try another crackpot cure. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10021 Trump and that wall, oy vey! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10022 And when he did finally build the damn thing I couldn't sit on it. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10023 Tell you all about it after I imbibe that double scotch. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10024 Humpty's fall off the wagon reached a new low when he ordered a whiskey sour. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10025 I tried out for the role of Humpty Dumpty - man, that really sucked. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10026 Make it a stiff one, my friend. This one will put me together again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10027 It was an egg in a hard rock spot... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10028 All I said to him was he had a little yolk and he looked a little fried - that’s when he pushed me off the wall. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10029 did you see the two guys who pushed me last Friday just outside the door? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10030 Make it stiff... I'm one wall away from retirement. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10031 Don't know eggsactly what's wrong with me! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10032 I told them my price to earnings ratio was getting too high! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10033 First the wall and now the wagon - 2020 is such a yolk. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10034 Better make that just 1/2 an eggnog. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10035 No rocks...they're giving me flashbacks. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10036 Mrs. Dumpty wasn’t happy to see me in bed with a younger yolk. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10037 I didn't fall off this time. Hi stupid wall fell on me. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10038 High risk, bad benefits—I just don’t think I’m in the right business. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10039 Now let's see, this should fix the hangover, a slug of Advocaat. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10040 A little less please. The last time I had that drink I fell off a wall. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10041 your stools aren’t all that sturdy 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10042 Double Vodka stabilizer, no more rocks, I have to sit straight. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10043 I feel like Everyone thinks I’ll know eggs-actly what to do next but I think I’m cracking up under all the pressure 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10044 Cracks with standing I hope I don’t leak 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10045 Please, don’t crack any bartender “yokes”! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10046 One for the road; then call all of Trump’s horses and all of Trumps men 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10047 Lucky for me, I was pickled. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10048 Of all the seasons, autumn is my least favorite. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10049 I Adid not fall off that wall that wall 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10050 ...After all of the King’s horses, who don’t even have fingers, and all of the King’s men, who had no idea how to help me, couldn’t put me back together, I checked all of the hospitals in town, but none of them accept eggs, and that’s why I’m here. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10051 They did it. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10052 Alas, I was looking at a lass named Alice and fell off the wall. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10053 Forget the goo goo g'joob and pour me another, that was a big fall 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10054 Then I had a great fall and my wife and kids left me... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10055 What's that you were saying about all your problems? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10056 I need an Old Speckled Hen for this splitting egg ache. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10057 It's hard to be a pickled egg in this city Gosh! It's hard be a pickled egg in this city 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10058 The King's Men were clumsy and their horses got in the way. I finally got help at Urgent Care. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10059 Man, those police can really throw a punch. But when they’re killing people by the dozens— it really boils me over. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10060 I'll tell you how it happened. I got hit on the nog! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10061 Before Trump, border patrol would at least try to put me back together again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10062 You need something stronger than the King’s horses and the Kong’s men! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10063 I wish those horses had left well enough alone. I don't care if they are the "King's Horses." 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10064 ...so, no more Harvey Wallbangers. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10065 I've had it with the king's horses and the king's men; make it a double. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10066 Making a double. I feel the need. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10067 so how long did you work for the king 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10068 He said "Shut up!" and I thought he said "Stand up! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10069 Yeah, hit me again! If we got rid of the walls, I wouldn't be in this shape... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10070 I guess put back together Humptey can have a belt if he wants one. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10071 I wasn't on the wall. The king's horses jumped the gun. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10072 We’ll see if I sealed these cracks up correctly. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10073 I’m Humphrey, not Humpty, stupid! And I’m going to sue your ass for faulty bar stools, 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10074 I'll have an egg-noggin; lots of ice. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10075 I wasn't too badly cracked after the fall, then all the King's horses showed up and trampled me! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10076 ... and so I said to the King’s Horses that shell work was far to delicate for hooves. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10077 One egg creme soda please. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10078 'No thanks, Max, but thank God I was pretty hard boiled when I took that fall- not sure if I would have survived it otherwise" 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10079 Only make it a double, I don't want to get tipsy again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10080 My mom needs to lose weight. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10081 Make it as triple. It took all the king's wife's to put me back together again!! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10082 Let me tell you--neither the King's horsemen nor the the King's men.... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10083 His humpty-nose DID tickle my ear. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10084 Luckily the Donald was there. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10085 Yes I need another. The stress! They thought they'd never be able to put me together again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10086 My lawyer says I have an eggshell skull. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10087 And then these HORSES tried to operate! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10088 My proudest moment. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10089 Just leave the bottle, and no wise-cracks... Is that Nest-tea? If my Wife calls, tell her I'm crackin' up?? You got anything for leaky albumen? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10090 Bender, but don’t break kid! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10091 I'm telling you, it was all the king's horses and all the king's men! 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10092 Fake news! The king's men did put me together again. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10093 Make it sunny side up. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10094 Whaddaya havefor a bad fall? 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10095 Actually, I fell like an eggnog. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10096 I was fine til all the king's damn horses got there. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10097 No, I dont think a glass of eggnog would cheer me up. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10098 Just a single, doubles get me tipsy. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10099 Turns out one of the king's horses is not pregnant ... despite my overly enthusiastic best wishes. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10100 Looks like you had quite the fall 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10101 All the king's horses and all the king's men kicked me after my great fall from the wall. Entropy ain't empathy. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10102 My SoHo farm-to-table gig didn't pan out, so now I'm looking for a good pickling anywhere I can get it 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10103 Listen Jerry, if you ever hear someone saying 'put him back together' in a bar after you've made a few too many egg jokes, run. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10104 Your wall banger packs a punch, Harvey 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10105 The fall was not so bad. But those king's men and their bayonets and clubs . . . ' 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10106 Being an Egg isn't all it5 (KHTML 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10107 Leave the bottle. I need fertilization. 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10108 I'm no longer the hard boiled detective I used to be... 1.0204 0.02062 49 48 1 0
10109 The world doesn't even spare the most INANIMATE things . I once believed it would be my escape route 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10110 So I googled it and this was the best I could do. 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10111 It was a bully who pushed me around til I fell 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10112 ...so then I get almost trampled to death by all the King's horses.. 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10113 Nah, all planned out this way. I’ve read that you can get shitfaced hella fast after you’ve lost a lot of blood, but I can’t remember whether that was from a reputable source or Replacements fanfic 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10114 Dumpty is the name. Ask me again and I’ll tell you the same.... 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10115 That whiskey sour wasn’t all it was cracked up to be? 1.0200 0.02020 50 49 1 0
10116 Once more through the looking glass, dear Humphrey 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10117 I need a drink before I crack. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10118 Here's one eggnog 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10119 @newyorkercartoons I’m beat - It’s not even safe to sit anymore. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10120 Born cage free isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10121 oops, forgot the Cant'w wait to see what winter brings 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10122 I've fallen off of every wall except for the one that still hasn't been built yet... 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10123 No wallbanger today, Tom. Think I’ll try a boilermaker. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10124 This time I haven't called, the Wall have fallen. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10125 Ugh I'm an egg why am I ordering a margarita I should fr be somebody's breakfast rn I can't do anything right dear lawd 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10126 I’m telling you, they need to fix that road 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10127 Yah, and then they filed a report saying I fell from that wall, but what actually happened was I jumped down from the wall when all the Kings horses and all the Kings men showed up and, well, you know what they’re like when no one else is around. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10128 I told them I came first 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10129 Give me something to perk me up. The king's guys did a poor job. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10130 Might as well fry up some of this goo while you’re at it. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10131 Now, if this country had a queen ... 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10132 That's the last time I try to walk on top of that wall. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10133 Not shaken and do not stir it up please! 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10134 Sam, make it a double yolker. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10135 I don't get it! They were told not to shoot until they see the white of BLM eyes, but some insisted on carrying my yoke. Make it double. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10136 A gin and tonic should put your spirit back together again. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10137 I really shouldn't. The last time I woke up with such a headache. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10138 Better make that a double. I feel like I’m falling apart! Robert E. Mayer, Warsaw, Indiana 574-267-6879 Rmayer4399@comcast.net 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10139 So I was just sitting on this wall, when these horses and men came and the next thing I know ... all I remember is a “T” everywhere. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10140 AKMAB? It means "All the King's Men are Bad"! 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10141 I’m a shell of the man I used to be. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10142 Don't be a jet pilot, John. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10143 Sure,top me off. 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
10144 When the wife said: 'you have to break a few to make an omelette,' I thought it was a metaphor... 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0