Contest #689


Cartoon

689

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Yes, but just a couple of meads, probably more than an hour ago.”
  2. “But, officer, he did not yield!”
  3. “It used to be chivalrous to open doors for people.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-12-08T22:49:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-12-22T22:49:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-12-16T22:49:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued December 23, 2019
Number of captions 4034
Number of responses 813517
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 He’s lucky I didn’t rear end him. 1.9586 0.00795 9996 3391 3634 2971
1 If chivalry is dead, then why am I still holding the door? 1.9111 0.00730 12368 4685 4101 3582
2 A Citation? Is it for bravery? 1.8934 0.00792 10587 4145 3429 3013
3 I have slayed the wagon. 1.8793 0.00804 9990 3930 3346 2714
4 I only glanced down at my phone for a second. 1.8679 0.00751 10973 4229 3972 2772
5 In my defense, I spotted the parking place first. 1.8536 0.00738 10873 4151 4170 2552
6 A ticket? Surely you joust. 1.8486 0.00865 8341 3350 2912 2079
7 I believe it was a Charger or possibly a Lancer ... 1.8341 0.01518 2351 864 1013 474
8 Your perps are in a three door sedan. 1.8195 0.00801 9748 4096 3319 2333
9 Couldn't find a dragon so I slew an Impala. 1.8160 0.02112 1272 499 508 265
10 Veni, Vidi, Vici, Volvo 1.8108 0.00850 8916 3903 2808 2205
11 Verily, twas I, tilting in my lane, when yon jackass opened his door. 1.8103 0.00862 8327 3535 2844 1948
12 It's Quixote, with an X. 1.8092 0.01428 3108 1337 1027 744
13 I saw the Trump 2020 sticker and just went medieval on him. 1.8026 0.01013 6582 3012 1861 1709
14 On the contrary sir, methinks my opponent did not yield. 1.7822 0.02650 854 369 302 183
15 It got away, but it's wounded. 1.7813 0.00990 5867 2470 2210 1187
16 Do I look like someone who has a license and registration? 1.7785 0.00961 6709 2985 2225 1499
17 I left a note on the windshield. 1.7753 0.00857 7680 3236 2939 1505
18 Master of misdirection, Sir Lancelot was confident the Officer wouldn't notice the tablecloth he had stolen from an Italian Restaurant 1.7691 0.00955 7405 3554 2008 1843
19 I can't help it if that guy has poor knight vision! 1.7673 0.01501 2742 1240 900 602
20 I was told my foe would be riding a Mustang. Who knew?!? 1.7437 0.01515 2439 1075 914 450
21 Yes, but just a couple of meads, probably over an hour ago 1.7162 0.01067 4666 2088 1814 764
22 It isn't my fault they put the car before the horse. 1.7028 0.00954 6406 3116 2083 1207
23 I’m sorry sir. I lance a lot. 1.6893 0.01219 3840 1887 1263 690
24 A ticket for this? Surely you joust. 1.6723 0.00950 6259 3130 2050 1079
25 Prithee, where might I find this "Knight Court" of which you speak? 1.6719 0.01146 4298 2149 1410 739
26 Did I win?? 1.6676 0.01140 5094 2819 1151 1124
27 It's the door prize 1.6575 0.01049 5220 2716 1583 921
28 When you have a lance, everything looks like a dragon. 1.6575 0.01037 5065 2549 1704 812
29 The rest of it got away" 1.6542 0.01057 4743 2374 1641 728
30 Yes. You’re right. I could have used a coat hanger. 1.6440 0.01278 3492 1838 1059 595
31 He flipped me off and said “F * * * you and the horse you rode in on.” I don't remember what happened after that. 1.6431 0.01277 3598 1926 1030 642
32 I have vanquished Vlad the Impala. 1.6395 0.01086 4794 2545 1438 811
33 Lancer. Dodge Lancer. 1.6324 0.01089 4608 2419 1465 724
34 He pointed and yelled "picador", so I did 1.6243 0.01330 3372 1880 880 612
35 Dodge Charger. Honest mistake, officer. 1.6240 0.01381 2872 1529 894 449
36 Sir, I'm gonna need you to step out of your time period. 1.6232 0.01469 2561 1374 779 408
37 In the wrong place at the wrong time ? 1.6195 0.01391 3217 1846 749 622
38 And thus ends the reign of the Two-doors 1.6107 0.01283 3388 1860 987 541
39 In my defense I must say that I managed to free the beautiful lady that this monster swallowed 1.6023 0.02601 782 424 245 113
40 I was left no choice - clearly it had ingested four humans. 1.6004 0.01531 2300 1263 693 344
41 I win, and I'm the one getting a ticket? 1.5969 0.01195 3555 1907 1174 474
42 ...so then I said, "I'll show you horse power!" 1.5967 0.01232 3362 1826 1073 463
43 You'll have to resolve this in Knight court. 1.5948 0.01160 3815 2073 1218 524
44 Sir, please roll down your window while I talk to you. 1.5927 0.01790 1677 931 498 248
45 I thought equestrians always had the right of way. 1.5869 0.01938 1312 706 442 164
46 It's almost impossible to catch a cab these days. 1.5818 0.01430 2475 1360 790 325
47 White knight takes driver’s door. Your move. 1.5815 0.01773 1625 897 511 217
48 Every time he sees a mustang. 1.5800 0.01138 3898 2165 1213 520
49 I tried to open the door for her, but apparently Chevrolet is dead. 1.5797 0.01494 2472 1420 671 381
50 They pay me $20 an hour to ride ahead of them in the bike lane. 1.5625 0.01750 1776 1041 471 264
51 I'd say look for a white three door sedan. 1.5569 0.01624 1794 998 593 203
52 A fine? But surely you joust? 1.5522 0.01471 2358 1366 682 310
53 Sir Elon Musk dared me to do it and said it could withstand anything. 1.5496 0.01766 1763 1060 437 266
54 You're looking at a knight in jail. 1.5494 0.01704 1791 1051 496 244
55 He asked me to help charge his battery and I missed. 1.5487 0.01591 2065 1223 554 288
56 Show me the municipal code that prohibits lancing a vehicle. Go ahead, I'll wait. 1.5471 0.02742 647 370 200 77
57 I have poor knight vision. 1.5456 0.01625 1873 1082 560 231
58 An assailant, sent, no doubt, by my enemies in the House of Two-Door. 1.5440 0.02261 965 558 289 118
59 No, I wasn't texting. 1.5428 0.01882 1426 835 408 183
60 I guess objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. 1.5370 0.01846 1432 834 427 171
61 It said Dodge Charger , neither was accurate. 1.5352 0.01715 1792 1082 461 249
62 I hope thy ticket is for the knave who opened his door into the bike lane without looking. 1.5318 0.01539 1967 1134 620 213
63 But officer, he did not yield! 1.5310 0.01597 1806 1038 577 191
64 Elon assured me it would bounce right off. 1.5306 0.01688 1847 1123 468 256
65 The date of my last vision test? Around 1379. 1.5305 0.02057 1182 703 331 148
66 I took an oath to protect the Crown Victoria. 1.5267 0.01847 1462 874 406 182
67 It got away but I definitely wounded it. 1.5238 0.01818 1367 789 440 138
68 There's a reason we aren't named The Knights of the Roundabout. 1.5064 0.01949 1319 819 333 167
69 No officer, I was not texting. 1.5052 0.01865 1334 805 385 144
70 Sir, I need to see your license, signet ring and coat of arms. 1.5031 0.01925 1288 786 356 146
71 He laughed at my horsepower. 1.5017 0.02243 897 537 270 90
72 Canst thou directeth me to the Department of Moat or Vehicles? 1.5012 0.02012 1229 765 312 152
73 It was Chevalier versus Chevrolet, and victory was mine! 1.5008 0.01942 1248 768 338 142
74 Are you sure I match the driver's description? 1.5005 0.02240 957 588 259 110
75 That's why they call me Lance-a-lot. 1.5000 0.02032 1232 775 298 159
76 No, officer, I can’t roll down the window. 1.4983 0.02004 1206 746 319 141
77 But how can you charge me if you have no horse? 1.4968 0.02251 928 569 257 102
78 Behold, I dodged the Charger! 1.4948 0.02057 1148 715 298 135
79 Farmers Insurance: We know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. 1.4946 0.02240 1027 655 236 136
80 No, I don't know how fast I was going. 1.4945 0.02033 1096 665 320 111
81 A chivalrous man always opens the door for a lady. 1.4943 0.02054 1139 707 301 131
82 He cut me off. I ran him through. 1.4941 0.02139 1010 618 285 107
83 She opened it right into the horse lane 1.4913 0.02110 1087 680 280 127
84 I see your point but I still gotta give you a ticket. 1.4897 0.02004 1070 642 332 96
85 Chivalry may not be dead, but that Chevrolet is. 1.4880 0.02113 1045 648 284 113
86 What do you mean I "fit a description" ? 1.4866 0.02154 1011 632 267 112
87 Are you almost finished your drawing officer? This is really heavy. 1.4844 0.02166 993 619 267 107
88 It was a Tudor sedan. 1.4824 0.02187 968 604 261 103
89 I saw it was a Charger, and couldn't help myself. 1.4818 0.02125 963 588 286 89
90 Roll down the window, please. 1.4804 0.02254 943 598 237 108
91 If you can't believe your eyes,how can you give me a ticket? 1.4772 0.02273 855 529 244 82
92 No idea what it was, but I clipped off one of its wings. 1.4759 0.02249 893 558 245 90
93 Sorry, officer. I would roll down the window if I could. 1.4743 0.02238 877 544 250 83
94 Where I’m from, we pass on the right 1.4743 0.02249 877 551 238 88
95 I'm being framed officer. If, in fact, I had hit the car, then my lance would have entered from the exterior side, and not from the interior side, as illustrated. 1.4738 0.02283 859 537 237 85
96 Tudor no more ! 1.4737 0.02380 857 552 204 101
97 No, I don't know why you stopped me. 1.4727 0.02332 806 501 229 76
98 Elon from Musk claimeth twas indestructible.. 1.4724 0.02346 851 542 216 93
99 He opened it right into the horse lane, without even looking! 1.4718 0.02306 850 535 229 86
100 I know how it looks, but really, he never signaled! 1.4699 0.02232 830 508 254 68
101 I’m going to have to ask you to roll down your window, sir. 1.4698 0.02418 828 536 195 97
102 I'd rather be tilting at windmills, but you know how the fossil fuel lobby is. 1.4697 0.02396 824 529 203 92
103 A better question would be what is a car doing on a jousting course? 1.4697 0.02352 824 522 217 85
104 Well, yes, just a couple of meads. 1.4680 0.02273 812 501 242 69
105 I thought he said lance a lot. 1.4669 0.02521 801 531 166 104
106 It was parked right in front of my drawbridge. 1.4668 0.02457 799 519 187 93
107 With this wound, it can’t have gone far! 1.4656 0.02432 784 503 197 84
108 It's out there some where, officer, alive , wounded, and dangerous. 1.4648 0.02384 781 494 211 76
109 Relax, officer. I’m holding the door for a lady. 1.4646 0.02390 777 494 206 77
110 I was looking for a windmill 1.4645 0.02552 775 514 162 99
111 Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to roll down your window. 1.4636 0.02443 770 494 195 81
112 What appears to be the problem, officer? 1.4635 0.02455 768 494 192 82
113 And it'll keep happening until the jousting community finally gets a dedicated lane of its own. 1.4625 0.02436 761 486 198 77
114 I don't care that you lanced a car...I'm writing you up because your horse stole a tablecloth from an Italian restaurant. 1.4622 0.02567 753 498 162 93
115 Not another steeding ticket 1.4622 0.02418 753 477 204 72
116 What chance had I? One horse against 300? 1.4615 0.03137 442 279 122 41
117 He gaveth me thee finger. 1.4610 0.02512 744 483 179 82
118 Lance a lot? 1.4600 0.02551 737 483 169 85
119 Apparently, I impaled an impala. 1.4598 0.02540 733 478 173 82
120 I winged it. You'll find it limping up the West Side Highway. 1.4596 0.02617 731 487 152 92
121 It was an Edsel, officer. It needed to be done. 1.4589 0.02540 730 476 173 81
122 But I won! 1.4573 0.02653 715 479 145 91
123 ...and then he sayeth, “I saw the space first.”, which was a falsehood. 1.4557 0.02572 700 456 169 75
124 My good sir, a knight does not hit and run. We pierce and gallop. 1.4556 0.02455 698 440 198 60
125 You’re mistaken, officer; I was not texting, whatever that is. 1.4544 0.02547 691 446 176 69
126 Well, I guess the pen really is mightier than the sword! 1.4540 0.02580 685 445 169 71
127 I thought it said "Impale," not "Impala." 1.4527 0.02501 676 429 188 59
128 I highly doubt there's actually a law against this. 1.4511 0.02601 665 432 166 67
129 And with nary a glance, his driver's side door swungeth open.... 1.4510 0.02526 663 422 183 58
130 Are you seriously not even a little impressed? 1.4476 0.02545 639 406 180 53
131 This is a fake witch hunt, a hoax, a disgrace to our country, it's treason. Oh, sorry, wrong cartoon. 1.4462 0.02753 632 423 136 73
132 And what, make HER open it? Chivalry is not dead yet, officer. 1.4459 0.02536 628 397 182 49
133 Yes, sir, Knight vision was an issue. 1.4457 0.02640 626 406 161 59
134 Description? Forsooth, methinks it was a Dodge Charger. 1.4455 0.02713 624 412 146 66
135 Some wiseguy parked his coupe de ville too close to my coup de grâce. 1.4439 0.02712 615 405 147 63
136 Officer, it was self-defense. The Mustang charged at me first. 1.4439 0.03313 383 246 104 33
137 I guess you can call it a middle age crisis. 1.4417 0.03239 412 268 106 38
138 This IS my turn signal! 1.4404 0.02704 579 375 153 51
139 They didn’t yield. 1.4395 0.02763 587 388 140 59
140 Trust me, officer. He won't park there again. 1.4389 0.02664 581 374 159 48
141 Since when is it illegal to open a door for a lady? 1.4375 0.02691 576 373 154 49
142 Sir, please roll your window down." 1.4371 0.02879 572 387 120 65
143 It was a hit and run. Ironically, by a Plymouth Valiant. 1.4368 0.02744 570 373 145 52
144 It was a silver Mustang, officer. I got confused. 1.4364 0.02901 566 384 117 65
145 The lance proved mightier than the LeSabre 1.4349 0.02763 561 368 142 51
146 My opponent, Sir, is now a ‘one-door,’ not a Tudor! 1.4349 0.02942 561 384 110 67
147 Roll down the window, sir. 1.4347 0.02850 559 374 127 58
148 I hath slayed the Uber for taxi drivers everywhere! 1.4347 0.02782 559 368 139 52
149 Then why doth his sticker say, 'I brake for animals'? 1.4345 0.02731 550 356 149 45
150 If possible, I would like to request King Arthur’s Traffic Court. 1.4338 0.02834 551 366 131 54
151 Tudor? It looks more like a four-door, my good sir. 1.4338 0.02727 551 357 149 45
152 I wouldn't say I lance a LOT. 1.4325 0.02785 548 360 139 49
153 I am Don Quixote. Aka The Man of La Mazda. 1.4322 0.02875 546 366 124 56
154 It said right on the vehicle “Charger” so I went for it 1.4307 0.02848 534 354 130 50
155 Officer, you should have seen the OTHER car door. 1.4286 0.03113 525 369 87 69
156 In order to join the Roundtable I was told to kill a Gremlin. 1.4286 0.02882 525 350 125 50
157 I don't know who "thee" is but "thou" is under arrest. 1.4280 0.02998 521 356 107 58
158 Are you kidding me? It was a Dodge Charger! 1.4277 0.02828 519 341 134 44
159 I swear my GPS said "turn, fight." 1.4277 0.02994 519 354 108 57
160 But officer, he cut me off! 1.4275 0.02875 517 343 127 47
161 He shouldn't have opened his door into the horse lane. 1.4272 0.02763 515 333 144 38
162 Whadja expect . . . they don't call me Lancealittle 1.4263 0.03742 319 215 72 32
163 Seriously, who parks in the jousting lane? 1.4240 0.02929 500 334 120 46
164 That's Quixote, with a "Q". 1.4237 0.02992 498 337 111 50
165 It Was Not vehicular homicide! It was self defense. 1.4234 0.03121 496 345 92 59
166 She said she needed help opening her car door! 1.4234 0.02819 496 323 136 37
167 Apparently not an armored car. 1.4216 0.02867 491 323 129 39
168 A ticket, officer? Surely you joust! 1.4206 0.03021 485 329 108 48
169 The exhaust-spewing wagon has been slain!" 1.4200 0.02988 481 326 109 46
170 I will bet he never opens his door in traffic again. 1.4196 0.02901 479 316 125 38
171 Writing me up for this? Surely you joust. 1.4186 0.03001 473 318 112 43
172 Did you see the Pinto he was driving? I did him a favor. 1.4186 0.03031 473 320 108 45
173 I had one goblet of mead a few hours ago. That's it. 1.4178 0.03025 426 279 116 31
174 No, officer, not jesting, jousting. 1.4170 0.02953 470 313 118 39
175 75 bucks? Totally worth it. 1.4167 0.03068 468 319 103 46
176 Perhaps I would have been better off choosing Door Number 2? 1.4163 0.03134 442 300 100 42
177 This is for all the bicyclists who've had car doors opened in front of them. 1.4159 0.03117 464 319 97 48
178 It honked and charged. I accepted the challenge. 1.4159 0.02980 464 310 115 39
179 I got the door for her. The polite response would have been 'Thank you.' 1.4159 0.02916 464 306 123 35
180 I ride in the service of Greta Thunberg. 1.4152 0.03136 460 317 95 48
181 Now this “court” you speak of...shall I be knighted there? 1.4145 0.03047 456 308 107 41
182 There's a perfectly implausible explanation Officer. We just have to wait for The New Yorker to decide which one. 1.4144 0.03409 362 244 86 32
183 Okay, so there's an interesting story how I pierced it from the inside. 1.4141 0.03072 454 308 104 42
184 He yieldeth not. 1.4141 0.02960 454 301 118 35
185 I'm caught him going 2019 in a 1619 zone. 1.4137 0.03191 452 314 89 49
186 They were parking in the jousting lane. 1.4137 0.02876 452 312 100 40
187 He cutteth me off 1.4137 0.03018 452 303 111 38
188 No thank you, sir. It is my duty to serve the kingdom, not to seek citations. 1.4133 0.03092 450 306 102 42
189 Fie on your summons, squire, for I am a free lancer. 1.4133 0.03092 450 306 102 42
190 Totally worth it! I never got one from the inside before. 1.4133 0.03139 450 309 96 45
191 Le Lance is mightier than LeSabre! 1.4131 0.03267 351 229 99 23
192 Officer, I’m confused. You say “Hit and Run” like it’s a bad thing. 1.4126 0.02996 446 297 114 35
193 If not for your insipid helmet laws I might have seen it. 1.4108 0.03009 443 296 112 35
194 I was told to get the door. 1.4108 0.03076 443 300 104 39
195 Who brings a car to a Renaissance Fair? 1.4104 0.02949 441 291 119 31
196 He got out for a closer look at the joust. 1.4092 0.03376 435 312 68 55
197 It was more like a run and hit 1.4087 0.03914 252 167 67 18
198 It's wounded, so it didn't get very far. 1.4079 0.03003 429 285 113 31
199 My charger hates Mustangs. 1.4066 0.03194 423 291 92 40
200 I had maybe two meads 1.4062 0.03060 421 282 107 32
201 Elon said it wouldn't break. 1.4057 0.03143 419 285 98 36
202 This ensures that its now a Handicapped vehicle in a Handicapped parking spot. 1.4048 0.03255 415 288 86 41
203 I guess this is why you don't put the car in front of the horse. 1.4029 0.03197 412 283 92 37
204 “The Mustang was in my lane.” 1.4029 0.03270 412 287 84 41
205 My license plate number is VI II V ... 1.4029 0.03094 412 285 91 36
206 We were jousting for a spot and I won. 1.4024 0.03190 410 281 93 36
207 Why he was in the tournament in the first place, I have no idea. 1.4020 0.03143 408 277 98 33
208 Sorry officer, I have terrible knight vision. 1.4020 0.03124 408 276 100 32
209 Is that Don or Donald, Mr. Quixote? 1.4005 0.03290 402 280 83 39
210 I have slain the carbon-dioxide-breathing dragon. 1.4000 0.03126 400 270 100 30
211 I take my crossing-guard duties seriously, officer. 1.3995 0.03177 398 271 95 32
212 I presume this is your first time in a Target parking lot on Black Friday. 1.3995 0.03351 398 280 77 41
213 Well, he shouldn’t have opened his door into the jousting lane. 1.3990 0.03228 396 272 90 34
214 The door I can explain. It was open in a bike lane. The horse, lance and suit of armor are more complicated. 1.3980 0.03169 392 266 96 30
215 It is I, sir, the Thane of car door. 1.3980 0.03270 392 271 86 35
216 What makes you think I hit a car, officer? 1.3974 0.03117 390 262 101 27
217 I never Dodge a Lancer. 1.3974 0.03302 390 271 83 36
218 I freed a young maiden trapped in a Beetle. 1.3969 0.03106 388 260 102 26
219 Impala door? I thought you said Impale a door! 1.3964 0.03181 386 262 95 29
220 If this is a law passed after 1429, I don’t follow it. 1.3963 0.03252 381 261 89 31
221 As protector of the bike lane, I offer you this. 1.3958 0.03338 384 268 80 36
222 Forsooth! Perchance I misunderstood "Black Friday Doorbuster. 1.3958 0.03358 384 269 78 37
223 Let me go get the windshield so you'll have a place to leave the ticket. 1.3958 0.03458 384 274 68 42
224 A ticket??? I'm not the one missing a side view mirror. 1.3958 0.03192 384 261 94 29
225 But, Constable, he swerved into my era. 1.3958 0.03358 384 269 78 37
226 "It is I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mazda! 1.3953 0.03308 382 265 83 34
227 At least I got one of its ears" 1.3947 0.03193 380 258 94 28
228 It was driving on its own, as if by witchcraft. 1.3947 0.03236 380 260 90 30
229 Forsooth, I was told I could impale anything on Fifth Avenue and not get arrested! 1.3942 0.03354 378 264 79 35
230 In my defense, I had the right of way. 1.3942 0.03182 378 256 95 27
231 Good constable, I contend otherwise. The coachman recklessly exited his horseless carriage, whereas I was unable to whoa my steed forthwith. 1.3936 0.03237 376 257 90 29
232 I wounded the dragon, but it escaped with the poor fellow it had eaten! 1.3936 0.03324 376 261 82 33
233 It used to be chivalrous to open doors for people. 1.3936 0.03126 376 252 100 24
234 ...then the great beast spread its wings and bellowed like a monster goose. I dispatched it! 1.3936 0.03259 376 258 88 30
235 It was a close call, but in the end, I just had more horse power. 1.3930 0.03159 374 252 97 25
236 He was in the horse's blindspot 1.3930 0.03271 374 257 87 30
237 He gave me the finger. I gave him the lance. 1.3926 0.03337 349 238 85 26
238 Isn't this a stand-your-ground state? 1.3919 0.03204 370 251 93 26
239 Here, I'll hold it up for you so you can read the vin number. 1.3913 0.03216 368 250 92 26
240 Sorry...I don’t use this lance a lot. 1.3901 0.03239 364 248 90 26
241 To be fair, it was an ugly car to begin with... 1.3901 0.03192 364 246 94 24
242 I only had one mead and that was several hours ago. 1.3901 0.03376 364 254 78 32
243 No more driving by knight. 1.3895 0.03274 362 248 87 27
244 Another Uber double parked. Write it up. 1.3895 0.03456 362 256 71 35
245 We handle illegal parking a little differently. 1.3889 0.03154 360 249 85 26
246 On the bright side, I think this means I won 1.3889 0.03166 360 242 96 22
247 Yes, I was texting. 1.3889 0.03333 360 249 82 29
248 I'd be happy to roll down the window Officer, just finding it a bit difficult to reach the handle. 1.3883 0.03052 358 236 105 17
249 I’ll take the fine. It sure beats banishment, mutation, hanging, or burning at the stake. 1.3883 0.03274 358 245 87 26
250 You give tickets for acts of valor? 1.3876 0.03287 356 244 86 26
251 That guy's armour was like nothing I'd ever seen before. 1.3870 0.03274 354 242 87 25
252 I take on all Challengers. 1.3864 0.03384 352 245 78 29
253 I was galloping right along when this jerk in a taxi opens his door right into the jousting lane! 1.3857 0.03372 350 243 79 28
254 I know it seems odd, but ask yourself if I could have done this to a Volvo in the 1970s. 1.3857 0.03348 350 242 81 27
255 Turns out it was just a damsel in distressed jeans. 1.3837 0.03362 344 238 80 26
256 I was engaged in a fulsome charge, in the jousting lane, when, without checking her blind spot, she opens her door. 1.3830 0.03272 342 233 87 22
257 For the last time, HE hit ME 1.3824 0.03464 340 239 72 29
258 I won that parking space fair and square! 1.3824 0.03388 340 236 78 26
259 I don't know who I hit; his shield seems to lack a coat of arms. 1.3817 0.03323 338 232 83 23
260 No handheld devices of any kind, you got it? 1.3817 0.03577 338 242 63 33
261 The sign said 'turnpike on ramp' so I did. 1.3817 0.03427 338 236 75 27
262 More like a removing violation. 1.3810 0.03255 336 228 88 20
263 So there I was, minding my own business, riding uptown in the right lane, with my lance safely pointing slightly downward, when all of a sudden and with no warning, some bonehead opens the driver door without looking first. 1.3810 0.03282 336 229 86 21
264 Should be easy enough to identify the vehicle 1.3810 0.03227 336 227 90 19
265 I don't think you understand, Cavaliers are my sworn enemy. 1.3788 0.03402 330 229 77 24
266 I said it was a mistake to film Game of Thrones in New York. 1.3788 0.03456 330 231 73 26
267 His armor was most unusual. 1.3780 0.03276 328 223 86 19
268 The fair maiden said she locked her keys in the car. Just what would YOU have done in a situation like that? 1.3780 0.03576 328 234 64 30
269 I’m not rolling down the window until I see your badge. 1.3773 0.03484 326 229 71 26
270 It was self defense, m’lord. That Tesla was clearly charging! 1.3773 0.03484 326 229 71 26
271 No, officer, I don't know why you pulled me over. 1.3765 0.03606 324 232 62 30
272 He has the darndest time with roundabouts. 1.3765 0.03415 324 225 76 23
273 Yes I'll admit it. I was texting. 1.3765 0.03606 324 232 62 30
274 I used to ride a bicycle until I got fed up with getting 'doored'. 1.3765 0.03415 324 225 76 23
275 I jousted and won the door prize. 1.3758 0.03485 322 226 71 25
276 Officer, he opened his door right into the jousting lane! 1.3758 0.03457 322 230 65 27
277 Ok officer, well how do YOU propose we protect the bike lanes? 1.3750 0.03414 320 222 76 22
278 It said dodge charger but I chose to charge anyway. 1.3750 0.03385 320 221 78 21
279 Shouldn't you be thanking me? You were obviously trapped in that contraption. 1.3742 0.03598 318 227 63 28
280 This happens every time I ride in the bike lane. 1.3742 0.03486 318 223 71 24
281 I thought I heard someone say it's a Tudor. I got confused. 1.3742 0.03542 318 225 67 26
282 But I saved that bicyclist 1.3742 0.03370 318 219 79 20
283 Sorry, just a little road rage. 1.3742 0.03428 318 221 75 22
284 I have defeated yet another Challenger. 1.3737 0.03561 281 193 71 17
285 We disagreed over right of way until he got my point. 1.3734 0.03471 316 221 72 23
286 Chivalry is not dead! I was getting the door for a lady. 1.3726 0.03427 314 218 75 21
287 ”But, it’s common practice for a knight to keep the opponent’s shield! 1.3726 0.03486 314 220 71 23
288 I yield to no one. 1.3710 0.03455 310 216 73 21
289 Best. Office party. Ever. 1.3710 0.03455 310 216 73 21
290 I don’t know sir. That door came out of nowhere. 1.3710 0.03425 310 215 75 20
291 Let me guess...my taillight is out again? 1.3710 0.03544 310 219 67 24
292 My bad. 1.3701 0.03530 308 217 68 23
293 OK, so I'm a knight errant. 1.3701 0.03377 308 212 78 18
294 Spear me the ticket 1.3701 0.03589 308 219 64 25
295 ...and then it ate a whole family and sped off..... 1.3701 0.03439 308 214 74 20
296 Officer - the sign said 'Yield', not 'Surrender'." " 1.3693 0.03484 306 214 71 21
297 I plead the V. 1.3692 0.03817 279 200 55 24
298 I needed a shield, Sir. 1.3684 0.03467 304 212 72 20
299 I was traveling in the bike lane when he opened the door. 1.3675 0.03636 302 216 61 25
300 Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? 1.3667 0.03653 300 215 60 25
301 But windmills are so 'old school,' Officer... 1.3658 0.03669 298 214 59 25
302 I know what you're thinking; how did he impale the car door from the inside? 1.3658 0.03730 298 216 55 27
303 I did mention the errant part, right? 1.3649 0.03428 296 205 74 17
304 Scribble away, unchivalrous knave. For the joust affirms that only I am New York’s finest. 1.3649 0.03654 296 212 60 24
305 Yes, officer, I was jousting fast, but I am the Chevy Impaler. 1.3649 0.03461 296 206 72 18
306 What's more chivalrous than opening a car door for a lady? 1.3649 0.03623 296 211 62 23
307 Looking to fill the knights’ quota? 1.3639 0.03509 294 206 69 19
308 I did wing the monster but his master remains within. 1.3639 0.03574 294 208 65 21
309 I haven't seen a Plymouth Valiant since 1966. 1.3639 0.03607 294 209 63 22
310 My bad, I lance a lot. 1.3639 0.03542 294 207 67 20
311 Yes, officer, in the 21st century, I tilt at windshields. 1.3630 0.03490 292 204 70 18
312 It wasn’t me. 1.3621 0.03768 290 211 53 26
313 We're supposed to impound the vehicles, not impale them 1.3621 0.03402 290 200 75 15
314 Sir, roll your window down and step out of your horse. 1.3621 0.03704 290 209 57 24
315 I don’t lance a lot. 1.3621 0.03573 290 205 65 20
316 Officer, it was he who rammed his flimsy shield into my spear. 1.3621 0.03573 290 205 65 20
317 we know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two 1.3621 0.03831 290 213 49 28
318 Let me guess, my headlight is out? 1.3621 0.03539 290 204 67 19
319 Officer, I'm pretty sure it was my opponent who was speeding. 1.3621 0.03639 290 207 61 22
320 How can you charge with me charging? It's the whole point. 1.3621 0.03606 290 206 63 21
321 He wouldn't stop riding my tail 1.3621 0.03331 290 198 79 13
322 What? I had the right of way. 1.3611 0.03555 288 208 58 22
323 And it belcheth a noxious smoke that can destroy the world. Take not my word for it, ask thou any climate scientist. 1.3611 0.03362 288 210 57 21
324 I had to defend myself. It's not my fault that, despite its name, the Charger didn't Dodge. 1.3601 0.03638 286 204 61 21
325 But Officer is was a Dodge “Charger”. 1.3601 0.03536 286 201 67 18
326 Final Score: Sword 1 Pen 0 1.3601 0.03771 286 208 53 25
327 It was a Buick Lesabre. 1.3601 0.03501 286 200 69 17
328 I won, even with far less horsepower. 1.3601 0.03672 286 205 59 22
329 Herald! I have slain the carbon beast! 1.3601 0.03570 286 202 65 19
330 He started it. 1.3592 0.03621 284 202 62 20
331 I used my right arm to signal I was turning 1.3592 0.03689 284 204 58 22
332 So you didn’t get the license plate? 1.3582 0.03567 282 199 65 18
333 He should have checked traffic before he opened his door. What if I had been riding my bicycle? 1.3582 0.03567 282 199 65 18
334 Chevrolet is not dead. 1.3574 0.03499 277 193 69 15
335 He came at me with a Dodge Charger. 1.3574 0.03610 277 196 63 18
336 Officer, he doored me. 1.3571 0.03583 280 198 64 18
337 When did it become illegal to get stuck in traffic? 1.3571 0.03654 280 200 60 20
338 No, I'm not a Tudor knight, I'm a one-door knight. 1.3571 0.03689 280 201 58 21
339 Yes Constable, I was galloping down the road, minding my own business, when a parked dragon suddenly spread its wings. I have helmet-cam video too. 1.3571 0.03723 280 202 56 22
340 Does the word "quixotic" mean anything to you? 1.3571 0.03618 280 199 62 19
341 I've been granted power of a tourney. 1.3571 0.03757 280 203 54 23
342 Time travel's a bitch, officer. 1.3571 0.03723 280 202 56 22
343 What can I say? My opponent was unhinged. 1.3564 0.03734 275 198 56 21
344 Sorry Officer. Elon said the truck could handle it. 1.3564 0.03734 275 198 56 21
345 It bore the family crest of Cadillac. 1.3564 0.03699 275 197 58 20
346 Lance Ito finally nails the guy in the white Bronco. 1.3564 0.03734 275 198 56 21
347 His Excellency told me to go out and slay a two-door. 1.3564 0.03805 275 200 52 23
348 We finally won the annual road rage contest 1.3553 0.03716 273 196 57 20
349 You're seriously charging a lancer with charging a Lancer who was just dodging a Dodge Charger? 1.3553 0.03606 273 193 63 17
350 He was driving a Charger. 1.3553 0.03788 273 198 53 22
351 Okay officer, I’ll just get the license plate number next time. 1.3553 0.03492 273 190 69 14
352 I swear officer, I only had a couple of meads. 1.3542 0.03468 271 188 70 13
353 We were hoping people would take the mounted police unit more seriously... 1.3542 0.03770 271 196 54 21
354 Yes it is from a Tesla. But notice how the glass didn’t break. 1.3532 0.03714 269 193 57 19
355 Why are you giving me a ticket? I won. 1.3521 0.03806 267 194 52 21
356 But officer, it was a challenger. 1.3521 0.03769 267 193 54 20
357 Come to think of it, 'slay the dragon' sounds a lot like 'station wagon'" 1.3521 0.03806 267 194 52 21
358 It was parked in a 'Knights Only' spot. 1.3521 0.03843 267 195 50 22
359 I, good sir, am a Knight of the Roundabout! 1.3521 0.03732 267 192 56 19
360 But sir, chivalry requires that I get the door. 1.3521 0.03880 267 196 48 23
361 It's from a Dodge Charger. 1.3509 0.03633 265 188 61 16
362 But Elon said it was indestructible. 1.3509 0.03825 265 193 51 21
363 "What we have here, officer, is an anachronism, wrapped in a mystery, inside a Ford Pinto." 1.3498 0.03690 263 188 58 17
364 I chose lance, he chose cutlass. 1.3498 0.03690 263 188 58 17
365 My opponent is still on his steed. I just caught a piece of his armor. 1.3498 0.03488 263 183 68 12
366 The only influence I'm under is that of the King, sir. 1.3487 0.03545 261 183 65 13
367 It said Dodge, but it didn’t. 1.3487 0.03707 261 187 57 17
368 My knight-vision isn't as good as it used to be. 1.3487 0.03667 261 186 59 16
369 It was a Jaguar. 1.3475 0.03805 259 188 52 19
370 He called one of us an ass. 1.3475 0.03805 259 188 52 19
371 I do in fact lance a lot. 1.3475 0.03644 259 184 60 15
372 I do have a point. 1.3475 0.03603 259 183 62 14
373 What is thy problem sire? I slayed the vile beast. 1.3475 0.03519 259 181 66 12
374 Admit it officer, this accident is the stuff of legends. 1.3463 0.03702 257 184 57 16
375 A citation, officer? Surely you joust. 1.3463 0.03823 257 187 51 19
376 You see, good sir, the occupant's obscene gesture didst arouse my ire. 1.3463 0.03702 257 184 57 16
377 So.... the car was EMPTY when you speared it? Please say 'yes'. 1.3463 0.03661 257 183 59 15
378 Excuse me sir, I’d like to report a hit and run with a cowardly Mustang. 1.3463 0.03702 257 184 57 16
379 ...And he was riding the strangest horse I've ever seen. 1.3451 0.03506 255 178 66 11
380 oops 1.3451 0.04076 255 192 38 25
381 Well, what did he expect when he opened his door into oncoming traffic?! 1.3451 0.03802 255 185 52 18
382 There's his vin #. 1.3451 0.03720 255 183 56 16
383 I thought this was an open carry state 1.3451 0.03842 255 186 50 19
384 Officer, I was in the jousting lane. 1.3451 0.03462 255 177 68 10
385 So... is Knight your first name, last name or profession? 1.3451 0.03802 255 185 52 18
386 What troubles me is how you managed to do this from inside the car 1.3441 0.04092 247 185 39 23
387 Lancelot. 1.3440 0.03895 250 183 48 19
388 Where I come from, red means "charge." 1.3439 0.03821 253 184 51 18
389 You're ticketing me? The idiot opened his door as I was galloping by.' 1.3439 0.03780 253 183 53 17
390 Want it back? 1.3439 0.03522 253 177 65 11
391 I'm not giving you a ticket, I just like drawing horses. 1.3439 0.03821 253 184 51 18
392 Chivalry is dead. I’m getting ticketed for holding the door. 1.3431 0.03930 239 174 48 17
393 I was well inside the jousting lane. 1.3427 0.03656 248 176 59 13
394 Can we settle this out of King Arthur's Court? 1.3427 0.03656 248 176 59 13
395 She was blocking the knight lane 1.3427 0.03700 248 177 57 14
396 They told me that I won the door prize... 1.3427 0.03956 248 183 45 20
397 If it makes it any better, I was aiming for the tire. 1.3427 0.03787 248 179 53 16
398 Verily, it could not seem to decide whether to dodge or ram... 1.3427 0.03656 248 176 59 13
399 I only looked down for a moment to hit 'send' - 1.3427 0.03997 248 184 43 21
400 It came off a Cavalier. 1.3415 0.03718 246 176 56 14
401 It’s from a Plymouth Valiant. 1.3415 0.03718 246 176 56 14
402 Sorry, I got stuck in traffic. 1.3415 0.03892 246 180 48 18
403 But Officer, he was coming right at me on a Mustang! 1.3415 0.03762 246 177 54 15
404 M'lady saw the parking space first. 1.3415 0.03488 246 171 66 9
405 And then the door fell on my stick. 1.3402 0.03825 244 177 51 16
406 Dost thou admire the impaled Impala? 1.3388 0.03933 242 178 46 18
407 'I won the joust against the Duke of Hazard, fair and square.' 1.3388 0.03976 242 179 44 19
408 He was driving a Challenger 1.3375 0.03773 240 173 53 14
409 It’s been ages since I’ve seen a hit and gallop. 1.3375 0.03819 240 174 51 15
410 Someone said hold the door for her, so I did. 1.3375 0.03727 240 172 55 13
411 Write the ticket of dishonor if you must, goodly gendarme, but notice you the strength of mine arm that bears up this hinged plate of armor unassisted. 1.3375 0.03909 240 176 47 17
412 Sir, please lower your window. 1.3375 0.03632 240 170 59 11
413 We were dueling over the parking space. 1.3375 0.03819 240 174 51 15
414 Tis but a dent. 1.3375 0.03819 240 174 51 15
415 Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor. The rest of the caw’s pawked in Hawvawd Yawd. 1.3361 0.03884 238 174 48 16
416 Well, then how is it fair that now YOU'RE charging ME? 1.3361 0.03551 238 172 54 12
417 It was quid pro quo. 1.3361 0.04019 238 177 42 19
418 We just got a report on a missing car door. You are a person of interest. 1.3361 0.03930 238 175 46 17
419 His Mustang was no match for mine. 1.3361 0.03839 238 173 50 15
420 Merely defending a damsel in the bicycle lane, good sheriff. 1.3361 0.03575 238 170 57 11
421 No officer, I swear the car ran into my lance. 1.3347 0.03811 236 171 51 14
422 It’s not my fault he brought a car to a joust! 1.3347 0.03764 236 170 53 13
423 It said "Lancer" on the side, but was clearly NOT PREPARED FOR BATTLE 1.3347 0.04085 236 177 39 20
424 I'm just as confused as you are. 1.3347 0.03764 236 170 53 13
425 Knight driving 1.3347 0.03666 236 168 57 11
426 I vanquished the beast, there is no "fixing' it. 1.3347 0.03905 236 173 47 16
427 The Taxi Union hired me to slay Uber. 1.3347 0.03951 236 174 45 17
428 Musk said it could not be pierced! 1.3347 0.03905 236 173 47 16
429 Evidence.What evidence? 1.3347 0.03764 236 170 53 13
430 No, Lance-a-lot. And yes, with hyphens. 1.3333 0.04191 231 175 35 21
431 Your dragons are faster than ours, still I managed to snag this one on the wing 1.3333 0.03815 231 167 51 13
432 If you heard the way they honked their horn, you'd have charged too. 1.3333 0.03664 231 164 57 10
433 How do we make this go away? 1.3333 0.03766 231 166 53 12
434 No, his door hit my lance! 1.3333 0.03913 231 169 47 15
435 He proffered a gibe about my vehicle's emissions. 1.3333 0.03925 234 172 46 16
436 Driving while impaled? Do you know what this will do to my insurance 1.3333 0.04054 231 172 41 18
437 I’m doing parking control for the Renaissance Faire 1.3333 0.03925 234 172 46 16
438 Can we just chalk it up to the difficulties of knight vision? 1.3333 0.03831 234 170 50 14
439 I'd love to know what he'll tell his insurance agent. 1.3319 0.03784 229 165 52 12
440 Do you have any idea why I pulled you over? 1.3319 0.03982 229 169 44 16
441 I was the only way to stop him. It was a Tesla on autopilot! 1.3319 0.03884 229 167 48 14
442 My license and registration? I'm afraid it's in the trunk... 1.3319 0.03982 229 169 44 16
443 He was tailgating, and it just escalated from there. 1.3319 0.03835 229 166 50 13
444 Do you mind rolling down your window? 1.3319 0.04077 229 171 40 18
445 That’s two citations for obsolescence, and one for fouling the sidewalk. 1.3319 0.03884 229 167 48 14
446 He refused to yield. 1.3304 0.03647 227 161 57 9
447 I was dreaming the impossible dream. 1.3304 0.03804 227 164 51 12
448 That's right, while I was leaving knight school. 1.3304 0.03855 227 165 49 13
449 Cut-eth me off-eth, he did-eth. 1.3304 0.03752 227 163 53 11
450 It happened right after I put him in autonomous horse mode. 1.3304 0.03855 227 165 49 13
451 But officer, I was clearly in the jousting lane and had the right of way. 1.3304 0.03647 227 161 57 9
452 You need to go find yourself a windmill. 1.3304 0.04052 227 169 41 17
453 There was a Jaguar on the hood coming right at me! 1.3304 0.03804 227 164 51 12
454 I'm sorry, officer, I thought it was a Mustang. 1.3304 0.03954 227 167 45 15
455 I was defending myself. It’s a Lancer. 1.3289 0.03664 225 160 56 9
456 Of course the crash test dummy has been mortally wounded! 1.3289 0.04025 225 167 42 16
457 'Tis but a scratch. 1.3289 0.03976 225 166 44 15
458 I never dodge a challenger. 1.3289 0.03718 225 161 54 10
459 So does this mean my insurance rates will go up? 1.3289 0.04025 225 167 42 16
460 It said, Dodge Charger. I chose Charge. 1.3289 0.03823 225 163 50 12
461 I hath accepted my door prize 1.3289 0.03925 225 165 46 14
462 She opened the door in front of me when I was in full charge. That makes it joustifiable. 1.3289 0.03823 225 163 50 12
463 There goes my premium. 1.3274 0.03816 223 164 46 13
464 I take offense when someone tries to show me the door. 1.3274 0.03843 223 162 49 12
465 I was just wondering the same thing. How did I get this door from the inside? 1.3274 0.04097 223 167 39 17
466 I believe that open doors in the jousting lane are fair game officer. 1.3274 0.03895 223 163 47 13
467 I’ll pay the fine, as long as I can charge it. 1.3274 0.03895 223 163 47 13
468 I've warned you before, Lance. This just isn't your knight. 1.3274 0.04097 223 167 39 17
469 It belongs to a Checkered Cab who cut me off. 1.3274 0.03843 223 162 49 12
470 I forgot that you trot on the right here 1.3258 0.03916 221 162 46 13
471 He thought his Mustang was more powerful than mine. 1.3258 0.03916 221 162 46 13
472 It was an Uber sir, need I say more? 1.3258 0.03587 221 156 58 7
473 I just nailed my Medieval Times audition, officer. Would you consider a warning instead of a ticket? 1.3258 0.04070 221 165 40 16
474 Put away thy citation pad. I have slayeth the evil sedan illegally parked in the handicap space. 1.3258 0.03836 221 163 45 13
475 It was just a few goblets with friends. 1.3242 0.03883 219 160 47 12
476 Officer, before you give me a ticket, you should know that my dad sits at the Round Table. 1.3241 0.03973 216 159 44 13
477 I got medieval on that taxi. 1.3241 0.03863 216 157 48 11
478 I LEFT a note. 1.3241 0.03807 216 156 50 10
479 He clearly put the car before the horse. 1.3241 0.03807 216 156 50 10
480 He sounded the jousting horn, I could not refuse a challenge. 1.3241 0.04027 216 160 42 14
481 I bested a Cavalier from the Kingdom of Chevy. 1.3224 0.03995 214 158 43 13
482 I’ve been telling the mayor for years that we need a jousters-only lane 1.3224 0.03995 214 158 43 13
483 Hey at least I'm done with windmills. 1.3224 0.03651 214 152 55 7
484 I think it was a Bronco. 1.3224 0.03995 214 158 43 13
485 Worthy foes, these Volvos. 1.3224 0.03769 214 154 51 9
486 I steal from the rich and give to the Porsche. 1.3224 0.03884 214 156 47 11
487 But in Camelot you can make a right turn on a Red Knight. 1.3224 0.03995 214 158 43 13
488 What was I supposed to do ... just let him merge into my lane without signalling? 1.3224 0.03769 214 154 51 9
489 You call it road rage - I call it throwing down the gauntlet. 1.3224 0.03769 214 154 51 9
490 Don't drink and joust. 1.3208 0.04017 212 157 42 13
491 Elon claimed it was lance-proof. 1.3208 0.04072 212 158 40 14
492 Quality Control at Tesla constantly evolves, Sir. 1.3208 0.04234 212 161 34 17
493 Oh, it's GM. Well, that explains it, because this is only my rubber practice joust . . . 1.3208 0.04338 212 163 30 19
494 Who's tilting at windshields? 1.3208 0.04181 212 160 36 16
495 You call this road rage? 1.3208 0.03961 212 156 44 12
496 His churlish bumper sticker did inflameth my sense of honor. 1.3208 0.04017 212 157 42 13
497 For the Crown, Victoria! 1.3208 0.03904 212 155 46 11
498 Good knight to you, sir. Thanks for showing me the door. 1.3208 0.04017 212 157 42 13
499 Wait. I get doored and you're writing me the ticket? 1.3190 0.03925 210 154 45 11
500 I forgot my keys, Officer. 1.3190 0.03867 210 153 47 10
501 You see, I thought it said “impale,” not “impala.” 1.3190 0.03925 210 154 45 11
502 I couldn't dodge, so I charged 1.3190 0.04151 210 158 37 15
503 Sorry, but I didn't get the license plate. 1.3190 0.04040 210 156 41 13
504 Late for work. Fifth & 23rd. Double parking Uber driver. Do I have to explain further? 1.3190 0.03925 210 154 45 11
505 Do you mind rolling down your window sir? 1.3190 0.04151 210 158 37 15
506 Do you have any idea how hard it is to hail a cab in this city? 1.3190 0.04040 210 156 41 13
507 You should be asking him why he was driving in the jousting lane! 1.3190 0.03983 210 155 43 12
508 But they were the one texting! 1.3190 0.03867 210 153 47 10
509 Sirrah, how sayeth thou; "Buddy, you're my first ticket for violation of the space/time continuum"? 1.3190 0.03807 210 152 49 9
510 I safeguard bike lanes from careless car door openings. 1.3190 0.03983 210 155 43 12
511 He was riding my horse's arse. 1.3190 0.04040 210 156 41 13
512 My fault?!? How is it my fault? I had the light! 1.3190 0.03925 210 154 45 11
513 If I’d been on my bicycle, I’d be the dead one. 1.3190 0.03807 210 152 49 9
514 I assume I'll see you in court. 1.3190 0.04040 210 156 41 13
515 That'll buff out. 1.3190 0.03983 210 155 43 12
516 Yeah, just one lousy horsepower and I blew his doors off... 1.3173 0.03946 208 153 44 11
517 It was a Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.3173 0.03887 208 152 46 10
518 Officer, there is no way my insurance expired 600 years ago. 1.3155 0.03968 206 152 43 11
519 But officer, it was a Jaguar. 1.3155 0.03908 206 151 45 10
520 I said, "You call that a shield? I think not." 1.3155 0.03785 206 154 41 11
521 With all due respect, officer, you are citing the wrong Mustang. 1.3153 0.04006 203 150 42 11
522 How much do you think we'll get paid to be in this Allstate insurance commercial? 1.3153 0.04243 203 154 34 15
523 Last name? Lance a lot. 1.3153 0.04126 203 152 38 13
524 Well, no windmills were in the vicinity, so . . . 1.3153 0.04126 203 152 38 13
525 It's the last time that Yellow cabbie says we Checkers always run late... 1.3153 0.04185 203 153 36 14
526 Joust and run? 1.3153 0.04126 203 152 38 13
527 We had both blinkers on. 1.3153 0.03945 203 149 44 10
528 No worries officer, I have full coverage" 1.3153 0.03787 203 149 45 9
529 Oh come on, like you've never made this mistake before?! 1.3134 0.04029 201 149 41 11
530 Yes, officer, I am Sir Lance-a-Lot. 1.3134 0.04210 201 152 35 14
531 Listen officer! This could have happened to anyone! 1.3134 0.04210 201 152 35 14
532 It was OJ’s Bronco. Fair duel officer. 1.3134 0.04384 201 155 29 17
533 The foul vehicle turneth with no signal. 1.3134 0.04151 201 151 37 13
534 I thought it was an armored car. 1.3116 0.04295 199 152 32 15
535 It’s his fault. He said his Tesla was charging. 1.3116 0.04052 199 148 40 11
536 You say Chevrolet, I say Chivalry 1.3116 0.03989 199 147 42 10
537 Officer, you're just not gonna' believe how this happened. 1.3116 0.03989 199 147 42 10
538 Did I not possess the droit-of-way? 1.3116 0.04175 199 150 36 13
539 The license plate would’ve been more helpful 1.3116 0.04052 199 148 40 11
540 I was forced to defend my honor when he displayed his middle finger. 1.3116 0.04175 199 150 36 13
541 Didn’t someone shout, “Pick-a-door?” 1.3116 0.04114 199 149 38 12
542 Where I come from we ride and drive on the LEFT. 1.3116 0.03924 199 146 44 9
543 I had to. It was a Dodge Charger 1.3116 0.03924 199 146 44 9
544 Perhaps I misunderstood. I thought they said ‘varlet’ parking. 1.3116 0.04175 199 150 36 13
545 I figured he wanted to joust since he was riding a mustang. 1.3116 0.04114 199 149 38 12
546 What did it look like? Well to start with, it's a three door. 1.3096 0.04261 197 150 33 14
547 Plymouth Valiant was a formidable opponent. 1.3096 0.04200 197 149 35 13
548 The light was definitely yellow. 1.3096 0.03879 197 144 45 8
549 I'd say 5'6", white, maybe... 3000 pounds? 1.3096 0.04138 197 148 37 12
550 But officer, I have defeated the 200-horsepower. 1.3096 0.03946 197 145 43 9
551 Show me where it says it’s illegal. 1.3096 0.04075 197 147 39 11
552 Then I said, "Sally, I think you better slow your Mustang down!" 1.3096 0.04011 197 146 41 10
553 I had the light. 1.3096 0.03879 197 144 45 8
554 She said, a true knight always opens the car door for a lady. 1.3096 0.04011 197 146 41 10
555 Knight 1, Uber 0 1.3096 0.04200 197 149 35 13
556 It got away but I wounded it. 1.3096 0.03744 197 142 49 6
557 It's not your first hit and run, is it? 1.3077 0.04033 195 145 40 10
558 They should have parked in the Renaissance Festival Parking Lot 1.3077 0.04098 195 146 38 11
559 No sir, I don't have any weapons. 1.3077 0.03967 195 144 42 9
560 It was like this when I got here. 1.3077 0.03967 195 144 42 9
561 I lanced an oxymoron. It was a Dodge Ram Charger. 1.3077 0.04162 195 147 36 12
562 I was aiming for the drivers hamburger... But at the last minute he hit a pothole... 1.3077 0.04349 195 150 30 15
563 Thy knave parked in my employee of the month spot. 1.3077 0.04033 195 145 40 10
564 I won this in fair combat against a heavily armed opponent. 1.3077 0.03762 195 141 48 6
565 I had the light, officer. 1.3077 0.04033 195 145 40 10
566 But officer, Elon said it was lance-proof! 1.3057 0.04187 193 146 35 12
567 Never bring a Tesla to a lance fight 1.3057 0.04314 193 148 31 14
568 It's much safer than cycling. 1.3057 0.03851 193 141 45 7
569 I’m going to let you off with a warning this time. 1.3057 0.04056 193 144 39 10
570 At least I didn't run through the stop sign. 1.3057 0.03921 193 142 43 8
571 Yeah, fine, squad cars are better... I'll go change back into my uniform. 1.3057 0.04251 193 147 33 13
572 T’was all in good fun, Constable — merry marketing with Sir Elon of Musk. 1.3053 0.04231 190 144 34 12
573 I thought you were going for the Coup de Grace, not the Coup de Ville... 1.3053 0.04098 190 142 38 10
574 We had different conceptions of horse-power 1.3053 0.04165 190 143 36 11
575 "But I was told I'd have the afternoon to poke around the city! 1.3053 0.03959 190 140 42 8
576 Is signaling a left turn too much to ask? 1.3053 0.04231 190 144 34 12
577 Hey,bub,that'll be $80 for tilting at windshields! 1.3053 0.04297 190 145 32 13
578 Do you not open doors for your women anymore? 1.3053 0.04029 190 141 40 9
579 What do you mean it's not Impala season? 1.3053 0.04098 190 142 38 10
580 Yep, you nailed it. 1974 Chevy Impale-a. 1.3053 0.03888 190 139 44 7
581 Tis for my fair meter maiden. 1.3053 0.04098 190 142 38 10
582 There is NO way there is a law against this... 1.3053 0.03888 190 139 44 7
583 The fair maiden asked for me to get her door 1.3053 0.03888 190 139 44 7
584 AW, c'mon .. it's joust a door. 1.3053 0.04098 190 142 38 10
585 So, this isn't what you call a shish cab-ob? 1.3053 0.04029 190 141 40 9
586 Tesla said it was joust-proof. 1.3053 0.04029 190 141 40 9
587 Tesla said it was indestructable! 1.3053 0.04098 190 142 38 10
588 This Mustang was no match for my gallant steed. 1.3053 0.04165 190 143 36 11
589 Its not my fault Mitsubishi put forward an inferior Lancer. 1.3053 0.04098 190 142 38 10
590 Do you have to start a crusade over this? 1.3053 0.03959 190 140 42 8
591 Mustang? No, it was definitely a dragon. 1.3053 0.04297 190 145 32 13
592 And I maintain that at a four-way stop a knight always has the right of way. 1.3032 0.04190 188 142 35 11
593 I’m sorry officer, but I can’t roll down the widow. 1.3032 0.04190 188 142 35 11
594 Sorry, but I've always hated Plymouth Valiants. 1.3032 0.04190 188 142 35 11
595 Oops! First day working Valet Service at "Medieval Times". 1.3032 0.04052 188 140 39 9
596 The bicycle couriers will happily pay my fines. 1.3032 0.04324 188 144 31 13
597 How about I give you a free door and we pretend like this never happened. 1.3032 0.04190 188 142 35 11
598 It was a Challenger. 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
599 Officer, I was just signaling a turn! 1.3032 0.04052 188 140 39 9
600 He had it coming, officer. I told him that if he dared to park in my spot again, I’d get medieval on his car. 1.3032 0.04324 188 144 31 13
601 A piece of the offending vehicle, my liege. 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
602 There I was, minding my own business charging down 5th Avenue in the jousting lane, and this guy that was parked just suddenly opened the door without looking. I could've been seriously hurt! 1.3032 0.03981 188 139 41 8
603 Tesla's going to want to tweak their AutoJousting feature. 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
604 Now, joust a minute officer. 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
605 I was in the wrong place, in the wrong time! 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
606 His name was Chevrolet, my lord. 1.3032 0.03981 188 139 41 8
607 He thought it'd be a disadvantage to only have one horsepower. 1.3032 0.04190 188 142 35 11
608 After all, its name was Dodge Challenger. 1.3032 0.03981 188 139 41 8
609 Officer, I believe I got my point across! 1.3032 0.03909 188 138 43 7
610 Yeah, whatever, but I did win right? 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
611 She saw a carrot in the cup holder. 1.3032 0.04190 188 142 35 11
612 It happened at Medieval Times Square. 1.3032 0.04052 188 140 39 9
613 I know... that's reckless impalement, and jousting while impaired. 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
614 I don't have the registration. It's a rental. 1.3011 0.04146 186 140 36 10
615 The guy was double-parked. 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
616 Through my visor, noble sir, I read not 'car lot' but 'Camelot'. 1.3011 0.04483 186 145 26 15
617 I'm just a Middle Aged road warrior, officer. 1.3011 0.03779 186 135 46 5
618 And don't call me 'Shirley'... 1.3011 0.04146 186 140 36 10
619 Horseman 1, Horseless Carriage 0 1.3011 0.04351 186 143 30 13
620 Do you have any idea how fast you were going? 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
621 In my defense, he opened the door into the horse lane 1.3011 0.03855 186 136 44 6
622 I had no choice. The monster was eating citizens. 1.3011 0.04003 186 138 40 8
623 'Twas the Charger ridden by my foe 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
624 This was my quest: to follow that car. 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
625 And I say to you Sir, will this not teacheth he who looketh not in the side view mirror! 1.3011 0.04215 186 141 34 11
626 My good man, how was I to know that "Fighting for a parking spot" was just an expression? 1.3011 0.04284 186 142 32 12
627 Yes. I won the door prize at the latest jousting games. 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
628 But officer, my opponent was riding a Mustang 1.3011 0.04284 186 142 32 12
629 Chivalry really is dead. You get the door for a lady and she calls the cops! 1.3011 0.04351 186 143 30 13
630 It's not what you think, officer. Just another failed test of the Tesla Cybertruck armor. 1.3011 0.04483 186 145 26 15
631 Well, Officer, I was at this Renaissance Faire, and this Edsel was coming right at me, it was all I could do to avoid that hideous front grill. 1.3011 0.04284 186 142 32 12
632 I had no choice. It attacked me out of a herd of them on the 405. 1.3011 0.04215 186 141 34 11
633 I think you'll be able to find him, officer, it's a late model sedan with one door missing. 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
634 If only Dulcinea could see me now. 1.3011 0.04003 186 138 40 8
635 I locked myself out. 1.3011 0.04215 186 141 34 11
636 It was joust an accident. 1.3011 0.04003 186 138 40 8
637 So, what gave me away?" 1.3011 0.04075 186 139 38 9
638 He said, “Duel airbags.” 1.3011 0.04284 186 142 32 12
639 In my defense, it was knight time. 1.3011 0.04215 186 141 34 11
640 Your hamlet is safe from the mighty Firebird of Pontiac good sir.” 1.2989 0.03951 184 136 41 7
641 This is why you don't open doors in the joust lane. 1.2989 0.03951 184 136 41 7
642 Citizen’s arrest, Sire. 1.2989 0.04170 184 139 35 10
643 Obviously, sir, a clear cut case of obstruction of joustice 1.2989 0.04170 184 139 35 10
644 Don’t worry, my insurance provider will be here in a fortnight 1.2989 0.03951 184 136 41 7
645 I only glanced down for a fraction of a second to put quill to parchment. 1.2989 0.04098 184 138 37 9
646 But sir, the Mitsubishi Lancer was coming straight at me 1.2989 0.04025 184 137 39 8
647 My quest is to avenge the urban bicyclist. 1.2989 0.04025 184 137 39 8
648 Well, it looked like a dragon to me. 1.2989 0.03875 184 135 43 6
649 But officer, it was a Charger. 1.2989 0.04241 184 140 33 11
650 I'm more accurate with a Narwal Tusk. 1.2989 0.04098 184 138 37 9
651 I just tried to give the guy directions 1.2989 0.04310 184 141 31 12
652 I always fight for the passenger's side 1.2989 0.04241 184 140 33 11
653 Would you have let me off with a warning if I were a black knight? 1.2989 0.04446 184 143 27 14
654 Quite simply, we are tired of Uber taking our customers. 1.2989 0.04170 184 139 35 10
655 It all started with an argument over horsepower. 1.2989 0.04379 184 142 29 13
656 The GPS said make a hard right turn... 1.2983 0.04142 181 136 36 9
657 YEP! Pulled right out in front of me! 1.2983 0.04142 181 136 36 9
658 With Real horsepower I defeated the Dodge Challenger 1.2983 0.03913 181 133 42 6
659 Woe to him who suddenly opens his car door into the bicycling/jousting lane! 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
660 But officer, the other driver changed centuries without signaling. 1.2983 0.04142 181 136 36 9
661 I had the right-of-way, Officer! 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
662 What’s a Matador? 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
663 Never mind 'the fair lady's token', you gotta pay the toll. 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
664 He didn't use his blinker. 1.2983 0.04358 181 139 30 12
665 show me the law that prohibits it! 1.2983 0.04067 181 135 38 8
666 It happens each time I activate the turn signal. 1.2983 0.04358 181 139 30 12
667 Officer, he claimed to have more horsepower. 1.2983 0.04067 181 135 38 8
668 He tried to park in my spot. 1.2983 0.04428 181 140 28 13
669 Is it really road rage or just an act of valor? 1.2983 0.03712 181 138 35 8
670 I thought because it was a Dodge Lancer it would dodge my lance. 1.2983 0.04142 181 136 36 9
671 I did not get his license plate. 1.2983 0.04215 181 137 34 10
672 I'll bet this never happens to St. George. 1.2961 0.04166 179 135 35 9
673 I thought I'd take a stab at it. 1.2961 0.04090 179 134 37 8
674 I’d like to report a hit and run. 1.2961 0.03934 179 132 41 6
675 Yon Plymouth was valiant in defeat. 1.2961 0.04166 179 135 35 9
676 I guess we both may have been a "Little Cavalier" 1.2961 0.03853 179 131 43 5
677 I didn’t realize there were fermented oats in his feed bag until it was too late, officer”. 1.2961 0.04241 179 136 33 10
678 Anachronisms are a crime where I come from 1.2961 0.03853 179 131 43 5
679 Surely you joust, sire. 1.2961 0.04314 179 137 31 11
680 I know it's irregular, Officer, but the code of honor clearly states that I should get the door for m’lady. 1.2961 0.04013 179 133 39 7
681 Your tail-light is out. 1.2961 0.04166 179 135 35 9
682 ’Twas then he sounded the horn of commencement. 1.2961 0.04241 179 136 33 10
683 First, it was not a hit and run. It was a hit and gallop. 1.2961 0.04387 179 138 29 12
684 I warned him that if he cut me off I’d have to go medieval on him. 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
685 I saw an opening and took it. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
686 Make haste, good sir. The iron dragon hath only been shorn of his scales. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
687 Thus didith I slay the Uber! 1.2938 0.04035 177 132 38 7
688 Surely you joust. 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
689 I joust had one glass of wine with dinner Officer. 1.2938 0.04415 177 137 28 12
690 Elon Musk said it was indestructible! 1.2938 0.04487 177 138 26 13
691 Thou shalt ticket me not" 1.2938 0.04415 177 137 28 12
692 Self defense, officer. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
693 To be fair, it was a Cavalier. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
694 Apologies, kind sir, but I have poor knight vision. 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
695 Do you know how fast you were going? 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
696 In my defense, sir officer, you Yanks do ride on the wrong side of the road 1.2938 0.03873 177 130 42 5
697 Looks like road rage got the best of me again. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
698 American cars still can’t compete 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
699 They opened it just as I was passing. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
700 I'm on a quest for the owner! 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
701 Officer, I didn't realize I was in the bicycle lane. I don't even know what a bicycle is. 1.2938 0.04035 177 132 38 7
702 But officer, it was a doorbuster sale. 1.2938 0.04415 177 137 28 12
703 He was in the drive through lane. 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
704 I know - my fault entirely. I should have used the blinkers. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
705 If it makes you feel better, it still has one more wing. 1.2938 0.04035 177 132 38 7
706 How was I to know the dope would open his door? 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
707 It’s the only one missing a driver’s side door. 1.2938 0.03955 177 131 40 6
708 Methinks I have defeated the dragon in fair combat. 1.2938 0.04114 177 133 36 8
709 Because road rage is no excuse for unchivalrous behavior. 1.2938 0.04114 177 133 36 8
710 No freelancing allowed! 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
711 I jousted my Jetta in jest. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
712 I left a parchment slip on the dashboard, officer. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
713 We both said “charge” but apparently they had an electric car. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
714 What law have I broken? 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
715 He has an affinity for other Mustangs. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
716 I believe it belongs to Sir Doubleparksalot 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
717 Don Quixote meets Elon Musk 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
718 ...and then I thought “I’ll show her which one of us is more chivalrous!” 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
719 Yellow Cab threw down the gauntlet to Checker Cab, and this is our response. 1.2938 0.04487 177 138 26 13
720 Why can't you just yell "Taxi!" like everybody else? 1.2938 0.04415 177 137 28 12
721 Just doing my part against imports. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
722 He should have known he was parked in the jousting lane. 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
723 I just can't stand people texting while driving. 1.2938 0.04114 177 133 36 8
724 He hath violated the bike lane. 1.2938 0.03955 177 131 40 6
725 Good sheriff I have slayne the beast. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
726 You're charging me with hit and gallop? 1.2938 0.04114 177 133 36 8
727 Sorry officer, it's my middle ages crisis 1.2914 0.04217 175 133 33 9
728 Perhaps you could just redirect me to Medieval Times and we can put this little silliness behind us. 1.2914 0.04138 175 132 35 8
729 Write me up if you must, but he failed to signal 1.2914 0.04138 175 132 35 8
730 You tell me what it is, Officer. 1.2914 0.04058 175 131 37 7
731 We're still working out the kinks on these self-jousting steeds. 1.2908 0.04562 141 106 29 6
732 I just had to see for myself. Bullet-proof perhaps, lance-proof not so much! 1.2907 0.04343 172 132 30 10
733 That guy was double parked in the horse lane, and I get the ticket? 1.2907 0.04017 172 133 30 9
734 It arrived in the 14th century out of context. 1.2907 0.04183 172 130 34 8
735 What, you've never seen a door kabob? 1.2907 0.04183 172 130 34 8
736 I may have had a mead or two, why? 1.2907 0.03755 172 125 44 3
737 'Sir Lance a lot.' Good one. I haven't heard that in at least 30 minutes." 1.2907 0.04420 172 133 28 11
738 This would be a non-issue if there were more knight lanes. 1.2907 0.04343 172 132 30 10
739 I locked my keys inside. 1.2907 0.04183 172 130 34 8
740 It's my first Impala. Now I need to get a Cougar. 1.2907 0.03844 172 126 42 4
741 It was pea green, my lord. I mistook it for a dragon. 1.2907 0.04183 172 130 34 8
742 Next time, please limit these demonstrations to your own vehicle Mr. Musk. 1.2907 0.04645 172 136 22 14
743 Sorry Officer; I left my license and registration in my other suit. 1.2907 0.04264 172 131 32 9
744 Knight to Buick's left rear door. Check. 1.2907 0.04496 172 134 26 12
745 "Honest, Officer. I left my driver's license on my other horse." 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
746 So...use your dash Camelot? 1.2882 0.04125 170 128 35 7
747 Windmills aren't what they used to be. 1.2882 0.04039 170 127 37 6
748 I had no choice. It was a BMW. 1.2882 0.04208 170 129 33 8
749 I had him in my sight then the time machine kicked in and I'm on 5th Avenue. What is this thing? 1.2882 0.04208 170 129 33 8
750 Et tu, Tesla? 1.2882 0.04039 170 127 37 6
751 Officer, the Charger pulled out in front of me! 1.2882 0.04125 170 128 35 7
752 And THAT is when the bicyclist escaped. 1.2882 0.04125 170 128 35 7
753 He opened his door into the tournament lane. 1.2882 0.04370 170 131 29 10
754 Officer, In my defense; the taxi charged me first. 1.2882 0.04208 170 129 33 8
755 The windmill incident wasn't enough? 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
756 Not his, but mine, was the better mustang. 1.2882 0.04039 170 127 37 6
757 I assume you carry collision 1.2882 0.04370 170 131 29 10
758 He opened the door into traffic and I could not stop on time. 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
759 No it's not a Pierce Arrow. Look more carefully. 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
760 Well I can't really give a turn signal, can I? 1.2882 0.04449 170 132 27 11
761 Well, there aren’t any windmills in Manhattan. 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
762 Its not stolen property, I won fair and square. 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
763 I said 'questing', not 'texting'" 1.2882 0.04449 170 132 27 11
764 I slayed thee mighty steel dragon with my sword and hold one of its wings to prove it! 1.2882 0.04370 170 131 29 10
765 Connecticut?" "Yup. 1.2882 0.04370 170 131 29 10
766 Strange beast... when I pierced it, it sped away, and smoke erupted from its posterior... 1.2857 0.03973 168 125 38 5
767 Sure pal, but you still gotta trot on down to City Hall to apply for a medallion. 1.2857 0.04399 168 130 28 10
768 You have your knight stick, and I have mine. 1.2857 0.04234 168 128 32 8
769 Chevrolet?! I swear he said chevalier! 1.2857 0.04149 168 127 34 7
770 The other fellow had a Mustang. Or, maybe a Bronco. 1.2857 0.03973 168 125 38 5
771 My opponent has a most impressive steed. 1.2857 0.04149 168 127 34 7
772 (shivery is not dead)"The lady asked me to hold the door for her." 1.2857 0.04149 168 127 34 7
773 He cutteth me off, sire, and I don't stand for such malarkey. 1.2857 0.04062 168 126 36 6
774 Yeah, but he was driving with his headlights off at knight. 1.2857 0.04234 168 128 32 8
775 Sir, it was a '74 Javelin coming right at me ! 1.2857 0.04317 168 129 30 9
776 I'm writing a think piece for The Medieval Times 1.2857 0.04399 168 130 28 10
777 But he opened it on a fair maiden in the bike lane. 1.2857 0.04317 168 129 30 9
778 Sorry, but it was a Javelin. 1.2857 0.03973 168 125 38 5
779 He doth turn right on red without signalling and stopping first. 1.2857 0.04149 168 127 34 7
780 'Twas a Mustang of uncommon horse power. 1.2857 0.04479 168 131 26 11
781 Sorry officer, I really am a knight errant..... 1.2857 0.04234 168 128 32 8
782 Sir, I won't ask again. Put the weapon down and open the door. 1.2857 0.04317 168 129 30 9
783 The revolting knight known in this realm as the Pontiac Aztek shall no longer terrorize your poor inhabitants sir! 1.2857 0.04062 168 126 36 6
784 'Twas I who killed the electric car, my liege. 1.2831 0.04173 166 126 33 7
785 That’s right officer, no side mirror. 1.2831 0.04084 166 125 35 6
786 And then I said “Alexa, teach me to dance.” 1.2831 0.04509 166 130 25 11
787 Prithee, sire, I have never beheld a knave with such a thick suit of armour. 1.2831 0.04344 166 128 29 9
788 So that’s gonna be 1 point for the tournament, but 3 points on you license. 1.2831 0.03994 166 124 37 5
789 Officer, I just rescued a lady from one of those rideshare cars. 1.2831 0.04259 166 127 31 8
790 ...and these motorheads think they own the jousting lane too! 1.2831 0.04344 166 128 29 9
791 I hail kings, not cabs. 1.2831 0.04344 166 128 29 9
792 I'm not quite sure how I got the lance inside the car, either. 1.2831 0.04428 166 129 27 10
793 He was probably texting. 1.2831 0.04173 166 126 33 7
794 I have slayed the dragon. Here is his odd-looking wing. 1.2831 0.04084 166 125 35 6
795 I am the Thane of Car Door. 1.2831 0.04589 166 131 23 12
796 That’s what happens when you bring a Mustang to a Renaissance festival.” 1.2831 0.04259 166 127 31 8
797 Blameth me not for thy shoddy armor. 1.2831 0.04509 166 130 25 11
798 I have to ticket you for driving with Knight Blindness 1.2831 0.04428 166 129 27 10
799 We wanted to see who had better horsepower 1.2831 0.04259 166 127 31 8
800 But officer, I let him in and he did not wave. 1.2831 0.04509 166 130 25 11
801 The Knight was Green. 1.2822 0.04728 163 130 20 13
802 we're a home delivery startup 1.2822 0.04129 163 123 34 6
803 Sir, can you roll your window down? 1.2822 0.04396 163 126 28 9
804 "Touche, sir." 1.2822 0.04220 163 124 32 7
805 1 horse against 120 and I get the ticket?! 1.2822 0.04565 163 128 24 11
806 Crusades or Carsades, it’s the same difference buddy. In New York City your horse still needs to wear a diaper. 1.2822 0.04647 163 129 22 12
807 I didn't get the license plate of the knight who cut me off, Sir but I got a piece of his horse. 1.2822 0.04129 163 123 34 6
808 Yes officer, it was a Dodge Charger. 1.2822 0.04309 163 125 30 8
809 Sir, vast horsepower differential canst be overwhelmed by superior maneuverability at close quarters. 1.2822 0.04220 163 124 32 7
810 Joust the facts, sir. All we want are the facts. 1.2822 0.04396 163 126 28 9
811 His coupe runneth over. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
812 Officer, he questioned my steed’s superior horsepower. 1.2795 0.04245 161 123 31 7
813 I was expecting cavalry not camry. 1.2795 0.04245 161 123 31 7
814 Sorry officer, the Mustang came at me very quickly, and I panicked. 1.2795 0.04424 161 125 27 9
815 Sorry, from a distance it looked like a windmill. 1.2795 0.04511 161 126 25 10
816 You don’t bring a Pinto to a mustang fight. 1.2795 0.04511 161 126 25 10
817 Verily, I had no choice. The rogue refused to yield! 1.2795 0.04058 161 121 35 5
818 It shouldn't take long. Just delivering my latest piece of Art to the Moma and I leave. 1.2795 0.04153 161 122 33 6
819 The bandit escaped, but he won't get far on a wounded mustang. 1.2795 0.04424 161 125 27 9
820 Well as head waiter, I am required to pursue anyone who leaves without paying their check. 1.2795 0.04511 161 126 25 10
821 No, there's no problem here officer 1.2795 0.04058 161 121 35 5
822 And you're saying the car backed into your lance Sir ? 1.2795 0.04336 161 124 29 8
823 Driving at knight is really dangerous 1.2795 0.04153 161 122 33 6
824 He turned left from the jousting lane. 1.2795 0.04511 161 126 25 10
825 But Officer, it was running at me so I just tore off a wing. 1.2795 0.04336 161 124 29 8
826 I heard that you miss your old Crown Victoria. As you can see, I didn’t. 1.2795 0.04424 161 125 27 9
827 I'm a trainee. I thought I'd start with something that wouldn't fight back. 1.2795 0.04245 161 123 31 7
828 But I always win by aiming at their blind spot. 1.2774 0.04345 155 119 29 7
829 Drivers act like the joust lane just isn’t there. 1.2774 0.04626 155 122 23 10
830 But that Mustang was coming straight at me! 1.2767 0.04629 159 126 22 11
831 I was aiming for the olive. 1.2767 0.04629 159 126 22 11
832 A ticket??! Officer,surely you joust. 1.2767 0.04542 159 125 24 10
833 It was this or yield. 1.2767 0.04177 159 121 32 6
834 It appears to come from a Charger. 1.2767 0.04542 159 125 24 10
835 Yes, but I won. 1.2767 0.04177 159 121 32 6
836 What was I supposed to do? His horse was a Ford Bronco. 1.2767 0.04453 159 124 26 9
837 Well, I do think you’re missing the point, Officer. 1.2767 0.04080 159 120 34 5
838 He ran into me, my good man. 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
839 A valiant foe, Sire, of mighty roar and many horses. 1.2767 0.04080 159 120 34 5
840 My Lord, she was a damsel in distress! Never have I had to chase down such a foul-smelling dragon in any knightly jousts! 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
841 How fast was I vanquishing? 1.2767 0.03880 159 118 38 3
842 But officer, it’s the only way not to get car-doored in the chariot lane 1.2767 0.04271 159 122 30 7
843 But officer, it was a Pierce Arrow 1.2767 0.04271 159 122 30 7
844 Whatta Knightmare! 1.2767 0.04542 159 125 24 10
845 He came at me with a Javelin" 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
846 I'm still trying to figure out what that thing it was attached to was... 1.2767 0.04453 159 124 26 9
847 I thought Sancho said a Volksdragon. 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
848 I'd like you to know in advance: I am armed. 1.2767 0.04271 159 122 30 7
849 You wouldn’t know where I parked the rest of it, would you? 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
850 Well for starters you were jousting on the wrong side of the road. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
851 He failed to yield. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
852 You will write this down, Officer Sancho Panza, ‘No swerving into my Master’s lane.’ 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
853 He just came out of nowhere. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
854 ...astride a white Dodge Charger. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
855 I am one of Vlad the Impounder's interns. How did you know? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
856 Oh, this? It’s nothing. Just a misunderstanding about a parking spot. 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
857 It was an extraordinarily well armoured pinto. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
858 It's part of the 2019 Lancer door recall. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
859 Verily, I bested the Knight Rider. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
860 Can't we just call this performance art and I'll be on my way? 1.2756 0.04024 156 117 35 4
861 It was an Edsel. It had already died. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
862 Yes, I captured the door of a Nissan. Now I must complete my Quest. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
863 No, I didn't get the license plate. 1.2756 0.04125 156 118 33 5
864 ...an older model Lancer, yes. 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
865 He lies. He did not check his rearview mirror because there is no rearview mirror, sirrah! 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
866 Some may say road rage, I'd say valor achieved. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
867 Yes, my horse is wearing a tablecloth. officer. Aren't you going to ask me about this car door? 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
868 Would it help if I told you I used to be a mounted police officer? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
869 Sorry, Officer. Horse rage. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
870 I know nothing of this term Road Rage you speaketh of. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
871 That’s right officer. He said his armored steed was a Mustang. 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
872 The driver really said I was black? 1.2727 0.04632 154 122 22 10
873 I'm surprised it caught up to the Mustang. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
874 I thought it was my nemesis, the Earl of Buick. 1.2727 0.04249 154 118 30 6
875 I didn't see a sign telling me not to do it. 1.2727 0.04632 154 122 22 10
876 Can’t you just take a photo instead? My arm is getting tired. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
877 But Sir! They're getting away! 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
878 Sir. A most heavily armored steed. I have not encountered its equal. 1.2727 0.04045 154 116 34 4
879 Thus endeth all hindrance before me. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
880 It was coming toward me, like fast. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
881 Sir(e), in this city you are supposed to "hail" a cab, not "nail" a cab 1.2727 0.04722 154 123 20 11
882 I don't understand. What's a car? 1.2727 0.04148 154 117 32 5
883 No Tudor will get in my way! 1.2727 0.04148 154 117 32 5
884 What do you mean "does your horse have insurance?" 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
885 But you just let the guy with the narwhal tusk off with a warning. 1.2727 0.04249 154 118 30 6
886 This wouldn't have happened if my horse didn't like to chase cars. 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
887 So I am going up the East River Drive when this sports car tries to zip past me and he gets tangled up with my weapon. 1.2727 0.04722 154 123 20 11
888 ..and then, as it wailed an unearthly scream, it swung its arm at me as I was about to slay the beast" 1.2727 0.04249 154 118 30 6
889 The lesser-known Sir Lance A. ParkingLot. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
890 Well, it sure beats tilting at windmills... 1.2727 0.04249 154 118 30 6
891 "I was picking up litter, and look what I got." 1.2727 0.04722 154 123 20 11
892 First time to the city 1.2727 0.04148 154 117 32 5
893 I don't know how it happened. You know hard parallel parking can be! 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
894 So much for "Objects in your mirror are closer than they appear." 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
895 Hey Bob, it's me, Mike. I got bike path patrol today. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
896 But it was dark. The ‘knight rider’ turned out to be an ‘82 Firebird. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
897 I was protecting a checkered cab. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
898 Forsooth, let us all rejoice my bike was in the shop, else this "dooring" might have done me grievous harm. 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
899 'Tis but a flesh wound! 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
900 Nicely done. But you charged up a one way street 1.2727 0.04148 154 117 32 5
901 Just ONE chalice of mead, officer.” 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
902 It's OK, I'm insured for this. 1.2697 0.04275 152 117 29 6
903 But officer, this one will never again bother anyone. 1.2697 0.04474 152 119 25 8
904 Door-ing!? In my day, we called it door-ing do. 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
905 Don't give me a DUI Officer! I can't do the straight walk test because Knights can only move in an "L" shape. 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
906 I don’t know how it got there... 1.2697 0.04172 152 116 31 5
907 Don't blame me. Blame my forward collision sensor. 1.2697 0.04275 152 117 29 6
908 After a while, one Charger looks much like another. 1.2697 0.04066 152 115 33 4
909 I was in the jousting lane, officer! 1.2697 0.04275 152 117 29 6
910 What did I win? 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
911 I gladly accept your citation for my defeat of the Steel Knight. 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
912 Luckily, I’ve got full coverage. 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
913 Officer. I had the knight-of-way! 1.2697 0.04172 152 116 31 5
914 But it was double-parked. 1.2697 0.04066 152 115 33 4
915 I wish to report that chivalry is dead. 1.2697 0.04474 152 119 25 8
916 You should have heard the air bag go off! 1.2697 0.04172 152 116 31 5
917 ...Well I've never actually seen a dragon before... 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
918 OK, but where do I find a windmill in New York? 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
919 It’s not a door, it’s a jar. 1.2667 0.04602 150 119 22 9
920 I totally had the right of way. 1.2667 0.04602 150 119 22 9
921 They don’t call me sir lance a lot for nothin’ 1.2667 0.04602 150 119 22 9
922 Sorry Officer, the rest of it got away 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
923 I guess a verbal warning is out of the question? 1.2667 0.04087 150 114 32 4
924 I guess I don't know my own horsepower. 1.2667 0.03976 150 113 34 3
925 It came out of nowhere! What is it? 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
926 On the plus side, I did beat them to the parking spot! 1.2667 0.03976 150 113 34 3
927 His armor was good but his lance left a lot to be desired. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
928 Again?! 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
929 But officer, I had the knight of way! 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
930 But the sign on the beast said 'Charger'. 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
931 Do you really need to sketch the scene as you saw it? 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
932 When he saw the damage he had done to my lance, he jumped back in his car and sped off! 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
933 It was a Cavalier. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
934 You’re trying to tell me you won the door prize? 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
935 Officer, I hath slain the dreadful Pinto. 1.2667 0.04602 150 119 22 9
936 Feudal versus Ferrari, Officer, and Feudal wins. 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
937 You may note that I have now won. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
938 So is the ticket for me or my trusty steed? 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
939 What do you mean, "texting?" 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
940 Officer...do you know where I can find the car that belongs to this door? 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
941 My vision for safer streets is not universally shared. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
942 I “I’d say we’re doing pretty well, considering it was just the two of us against 600 horses!” 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
943 I would have a license plate if I had the whole car. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
944 "It's part of the Mayor's Congestion Pricing plan." 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
945 He got away but I winged him. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
946 With all due respect, Sire, I doth not have a blinker. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
947 Officer, the real danger is that the airbag didn’t deploy. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
948 Can you really blame me? It said ‘Lancer’ right on it! 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
949 Sorry, I misread what the guy said about his car needing to be charged. 1.2667 0.04087 150 114 32 4
950 I'm sorry officer, but I go nuts when I see drivers on their cellphones. 1.2667 0.04698 150 120 20 10
951 When they gave me my lance, your door was already on it. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
952 Yes, Officer. He was driving a Mustang. 1.2667 0.04602 150 119 22 9
953 Auto Correct. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
954 Vandalism? No sir, this is a car door. 1.2667 0.04087 150 114 32 4
955 Don't worry, it was driverless. 1.2667 0.04087 150 114 32 4
956 City parking . . . . .you do what you have to do 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
957 It must have been a Dodge Lancer. As you can see, it wasn't a lance dodger! 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
958 Are you interested in a plea deal, officer, or do I have to stick it to you too? 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
959 I’d to report an accident in the space-time continuum. 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
960 I was riding along in the horse lane, Officer, minding my own business, when this jerk suddenly opened his door! 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
961 Mayhaps they shall signal the next time. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
962 In the long arc of history this thing just appeared out of nowhere. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
963 Now the last checkered cab is gone. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
964 I'm telling you officer, the wreck wasn't my fault, and it wasn't a t-bone ... more of a shish kabob. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
965 Road rage!?! It was purely a defensive maneuver. 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
966 Nay! It was yellow when I entered thy intersection 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
967 I could let the insult to me pass, but when he started in about the horse I rode in on. . . . 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
968 A challenge is a challenge! 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
969 In all fairness, my good sir, he changed lanes without blinking. 1.2667 0.04602 150 119 22 9
970 Those tourists from across the pond are always driving on the wrong side of the road. 1.2653 0.04458 147 115 25 7
971 Dispute thee not my right of way. 1.2653 0.04761 147 118 19 10
972 Oops, my bad!! 1.2653 0.04352 147 114 27 6
973 Haven't you ever played chess, Officer? Knights have to move in an "L" shape. 1.2653 0.04858 147 119 17 11
974 You try putting a taillight on her, officer. 1.2653 0.04662 147 117 21 9
975 Failure to yield. 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
976 I am I Don Quixote the Lord of LaMazda! 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
977 All I'm saying is people shouldn't only be looking for bikes when getting out of their car. 1.2653 0.04458 147 115 25 7
978 But officer, you see, the car was charging. 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
979 My full name? It's Lance A. Lot. 1.2653 0.03901 147 115 27 5
980 You're next if you persist sir. 1.2653 0.04561 147 116 23 8
981 I guess you've never been a bike messenger... 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
982 The varlet was in the left lane forever. 1.2653 0.04458 147 115 25 7
983 Well, officer, you can call it road rage but I call it asserting my right-of-way. 1.2653 0.04561 147 116 23 8
984 So you opened the door for The Lady and you haven't seen her since? 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
985 He cut me in the Popeye's drive-thru line when I was waiting for a chicken sandwich 1.2653 0.04858 147 119 17 11
986 Would you consider giving me a warning? 1.2653 0.04458 147 115 25 7
987 Impaneled! 1.2653 0.04018 147 111 33 3
988 Tell you what, I will write it up as just a missing taillight. 1.2653 0.04761 147 118 19 10
989 He lost 1.2653 0.04458 147 115 25 7
990 I saw Dodge Charger coming at me so I had to defend myself. 1.2653 0.04352 147 114 27 6
991 A man was being eaten by this thing, so I speared it to save the man. 1.2653 0.04458 147 115 25 7
992 The guy tried to take my space. 1.2653 0.04352 147 114 27 6
993 Well, I have a checkered caballero license. 1.2621 0.04155 145 111 30 4
994 But I was in the jousting lane. 1.2621 0.04268 145 112 28 5
995 ohhh...you wanted the license plate? 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
996 So I swore an oath to protect the bike lanes of this kingdom forevermore. 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
997 Merlin. What a jester thou art. 1.2621 0.04268 145 112 28 5
998 Forsooth, Officer, I hath won the contest against the Dodge Lancer. 1.2621 0.04155 145 111 30 4
999 He got away. 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1000 Trial by combat proveth the right of way. 1.2621 0.04038 145 110 32 3
1001 The Uber doth mock mine taxi steed. 1.2621 0.04268 145 112 28 5
1002 He should have yield. 1.2621 0.04593 145 115 22 8
1003 Then consider this YOUR warning. 1.2621 0.04268 145 112 28 5
1004 I got the door before it got me. 1.2621 0.04268 145 112 28 5
1005 It had the word “Charger” on the side. 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1006 He hates using his blinkers. 1.2621 0.04155 145 111 30 4
1007 But officer, he was mocking us for having only one horsepower 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1008 Twas fair sport, constable! Was their car not a Mitsubishi Lancer? 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1009 What makes thee think I was illuminating a manuscript as I rode? 1.2621 0.04593 145 115 22 8
1010 Obviously a Challenger. 1.2621 0.04379 145 113 26 6
1011 Riding on the left IS right! 1.2621 0.04379 145 113 26 6
1012 Then that loutish boil blew a loud horn from his wagon and called us a rolling manure factory. 1.2621 0.04155 145 111 30 4
1013 They obviously don't make armor like they used to! 1.2621 0.04379 145 113 26 6
1014 It's OK officer. It is from a Dodge Charger. 1.2621 0.04268 145 112 28 5
1015 For future reference, below 14th Street jousting, above 14th Street no jousting? 1.2621 0.04379 145 113 26 6
1016 These self-driving cars don't seem advanced to me! 1.2621 0.04696 145 116 20 9
1017 He ranneth the red light. 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1018 Well, she’s the one who ran the red light. 1.2587 0.04057 143 109 31 3
1019 Fortunately, I have Farmers. They've seen a thing or two. 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1020 He’s gotta look before opening into the joust lane! 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1021 I speared his shield, but his steed hath carried him away. 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1022 It wasn’t a fair match, about 309 horsepower difference 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1023 He claimethed more horsepower than I. 1.2587 0.04730 143 115 19 9
1024 The don't make windmills like they used to. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1025 It wasn't my fault. He didn't use his turn signal. 1.2587 0.04730 143 115 19 9
1026 Will this ticket result in points affecting my insurance rates ? 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1027 It's the 2020 model. Lightweight. German steel/titanium alloy. Perfect holiday gift for law enforcement. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1028 Well, I didn’t know you couldn’t do that 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1029 I forgot that you drive on the wrong side of the road over here. 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1030 I thrust. He parried. 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1031 This belongs to the beast who tried to overpass me on my right. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1032 My steed took offense when the Colt challenged him. 1.2587 0.04730 143 115 19 9
1033 Ok, Quixote, off the horse and put it down. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1034 Methinks I lanced your Charger. 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1035 I was charging down my own lane when the door suddenly swung open. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1036 I thought they said I should "impale" a cab! 1.2587 0.04833 143 116 17 10
1037 Is this what you’re looking for? 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1038 It was a Dodge Charger, license plate JOUSTME. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1039 Yon cabby sullied my honor! 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1040 This shields sucks 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1041 I apologize, officer. He gets skittish around other mustangs. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1042 You have quite the cavalier attitude about this all, sir. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1043 He vexed me. 1.2587 0.03807 143 107 35 1
1044 He didn't look before opening his door. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1045 We are the Knights who go "Beep!" 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1046 I didn’t know I was in a non-jousting lane. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1047 Was opening me Lady’s door, sire. Am I not alive, and chival? 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1048 But sir, you simply do not seem to understand. The headless, metal horse charged at me first. 1.2587 0.03934 143 108 33 2
1049 It's 'Lancelot' with one 't.' 1.2587 0.04730 143 115 19 9
1050 I missed the knight but I disabled his charger. 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1051 The Emperor tasked us to create an open door policy 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1052 I have slain your dragon of steel sir, what be my reward? 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1053 The metal beast would not yield. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1054 Yon fair maiden forgot to disengage the kid locks. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1055 Don't look at me, officer, it's a self-driving horse 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1056 Not everyone loves a parade. 1.2587 0.04057 143 109 31 3
1057 Clash not Accident 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1058 No, I haven't been drinking tonight. What has you ask? 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1059 Sorry officer, I only did it in joust. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1060 Sorry. Officer, my horse made me do it. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1061 What's a car door? 1.2587 0.04057 143 109 31 3
1062 Yeah, right. 50 mph? Rocinante?! You read too many books, officer. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1063 Pray tell, no right on red? 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1064 Officer, he opened his door while I was trying to pass. 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1065 But he’s the one who swerved into the jousting lane! 1.2587 0.03608 143 113 26 4
1066 Noble Sir, ye may tell tale near and far, of how I bested the knight of this car. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1067 True to his name my opponent dodged as he charged yet I still winged his armored steed. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1068 But officer... thou shall not open a door into oncomith traffic. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1069 I swear I'll never sally forth in the bike lane again. 1.2587 0.04057 143 109 31 3
1070 I was cantering along, well under the limit, when this idiot mustang opened his door right in front of me. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1071 Sir Uber has been vanquished! 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1072 I had to stop him, Officer! He was texting. 1.2587 0.04833 143 116 17 10
1073 I don't know what it is either! 1.2587 0.04625 143 114 21 8
1074 Now do you believe that we need dedicated jousting lanes? 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1075 How about if I spear you the explanation? 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1076 I'm afraid he escaped. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1077 Is Chevrolet dead? 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1078 OK, this time I'll let you go with joust a warning. 1.2587 0.03934 143 108 33 2
1079 Now that you mention it, "fetch me a wild bore" does make more sense." 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1080 So then he said, "You call that 'horsepower'?" 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1081 Name's Vlad...Vlad the Impala Impaler. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1082 Seems like the East Village is overrun by cars these days. 1.2571 0.04345 140 109 26 5
1083 He cut me off. 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1084 Horseless carriage. Driver's side. Direct hit. No foul. I win. 1.2571 0.03975 140 106 32 2
1085 My night vision isn't what it used to be. 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1086 We were playing Forward vs. Ferrari 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1087 What if I told you I'm on my way to save a damsel in distress? 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1088 How about ye olde diplomatic immunity? 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1089 I pay good money for that space, officer. 1.2571 0.04102 140 107 30 3
1090 Don't worry Officer. Sancho will bring in the body! 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1091 It’s OK, officer. I’m just doing quality testing for Elon Musk. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1092 Fair Heart never won Fairlane 1.2571 0.03843 140 105 34 1
1093 He hath cut me off. 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1094 In my cultural context, dear Sir, he had it coming. 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1095 b b b but Officer, I'm WHITE! 1.2571 0.04795 140 113 18 9
1096 What is this 'bike lane' thou speaketh of? 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1097 Trial by combat, not road rage, officer. 1.2571 0.04345 140 109 26 5
1098 He was supposed to yield 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1099 I got it in a coupe d'etat. 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1100 He was riding a Pinto officer. 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1101 I tried to give him my insurance information, but for some reason, he just took off. 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1102 I thought the sign read 'Yield Knight of way' 1.2537 0.04579 134 106 22 6
1103 Yes, I defeated the Grand Marquis of Mercury. 1.2537 0.04579 134 106 22 6
1104 The Earl of Chrysler is vanquished. 1.2536 0.04248 138 107 27 4
1105 Officer, this jalopy offended the honor of all five boroughs. 1.2536 0.04549 138 112 18 8
1106 I saw the armored car, and just reacted. 1.2536 0.04831 138 112 17 9
1107 Well at least the air bag didn't go off! 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1108 Does this look like a grail to you? 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1109 Do you think Aflac covers this? 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1110 So you're saying that the lack of jousting regulations on the books does not make it a free-for-all? How is the average knight supposed to know this? 1.2536 0.04371 138 108 25 5
1111 I'm working undercover, officer. Take this to Forensics. 1.2536 0.04371 138 108 25 5
1112 To be fair, it was a Mitsubishi Lancer 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
1113 We triumphed with one horsepower. 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1114 But squires should yield. 1.2536 0.03992 138 105 31 2
1115 Twas a rental 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1116 I impaled the Impala. 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1117 Sir, I must ticket you for unauthorized time travel and recklessness.” 1.2536 0.04371 138 108 25 5
1118 What's a car? 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1119 Little help? 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1120 I said To bring back Robin Hood not Falcon Door!!!!! 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1121 Officer, it was a hit and run. 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
1122 This time you ain't gonna dodge the Dodge Charger charge charges. 1.2536 0.04248 138 107 27 4
1123 Explain the horse outfit. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1124 Well, he should have looked before opening his door! 1.2536 0.04248 138 107 27 4
1125 I joust made a mistake, officer. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1126 As I understand it, officer, a yield sign means "yield or die." 1.2536 0.04720 138 111 19 8
1127 I was joust promoting the Renaissance Fair. 1.2536 0.04248 138 107 27 4
1128 Then suddenly this guy in a Rabbit decides he wants to play chicken. 1.2536 0.04720 138 111 19 8
1129 Assault and battery? This is a door! 1.2536 0.04371 138 108 25 5
1130 Officer he opened his car door without looking. 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1131 My horse considered it a dodge. 1.2536 0.03992 138 105 31 2
1132 Sorry, I'll have to check, Mate. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1133 If it wasn't a hit and run, where's the rest of the car? 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1134 Sorry. It was a Mustang and I couldn’t resist. 1.2536 0.04491 138 109 23 6
1135 “Yes sir, I lance a lot.” 1.2536 0.04248 138 107 27 4
1136 So, it's not a windmill. 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
1137 Somewhere in Brooklyn, in a place whose name I don't care to remember. 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
1138 It was a Dodge Lancer. Are you going to give me a Chevrolet Citation? 1.2536 0.04720 138 111 19 8
1139 I've had it with cars double parked in joust lanes. 1.2536 0.04248 138 107 27 4
1140 He's the one who failed to yield. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1141 How many points for piercing your armor? 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1142 It wasn't my fault officer. He cut me off. Besides, its only a chink in his armor. 1.2536 0.04720 138 111 19 8
1143 To be fair, officer, it refused to yield or even signal. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1144 He was driving at knight. 1.2536 0.04371 138 108 25 5
1145 To be fair, officer, who parks their Camry on the Renaissance Fair tiltyard? 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1146 Whats a license and registration? 1.2519 0.05012 135 111 14 10
1147 I was actually tilting at the wind SHIELD. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1148 We stood behind for six green lights and it refused to make a left. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1149 I'm telling you he didn't signal." 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1150 Officer, I'm very sorry. Actually, I was aiming for the window. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1151 It's not my fault, he opened his door into oncoming traffic. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1152 It's okay. It's from a Charger. 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1153 Well, until there's a knight lane, I'm gonna use the bike lane... 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1154 But I slew the Gremlin! 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1155 I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't know the lance was loaded. 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1156 I thought it was a dragon, but it was only a Volkswagon! 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1157 Looked like a Ram to me. 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1158 But they nearly killed me opening their door in the middle of the road. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1159 It was his fault officer, he was texting and ran the red light in front of me. 1.2519 0.04786 135 109 18 8
1160 The keys were locked inside. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1161 I will defend against all Cavaliers. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1162 Could you help me, sir? I don't know what this is. 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1163 I care not what you summon! 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1164 My steed is named DeLorean, good sir. Why do you ask? 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1165 Well officer, I got the point through by not being so blunt. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1166 A court date, mandatory fine, AND loss of lance? Surely you joust, officer! 1.2519 0.04786 135 109 18 8
1167 I sideswiped him, but he ran the red. 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1168 But officer, HE was supposed to yield. 1.2519 0.04786 135 109 18 8
1169 Of course I want to press charges! We still have two passes left. 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
1170 I'm sorry, officer. I have terrible night vision. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1171 Thank God I was wearing my steed-belt 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1172 Not my fault--he opened the car door just when I was riding by! 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1173 They don't make armor like they used to. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1174 He just opened it right into the jousting lane... 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
1175 I am of the house of Tudor, we have a thing against the house of Onedoor. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1176 He was using the carpool lane without a passenger. 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1177 Why are you writing me a ticket? I had right of way. 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
1178 All right, we'll call it a draw. 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
1179 And what, prithee, is a "ticket?" 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1180 Do you know why I pulled you over? Hmmm..improperly impaling a motor vehicle? No, for driving under the influence of a tablecloth and jousting over the speed limit. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1181 I can’t roll it down. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1182 He moved into the jousting lane without signaling. 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1183 That Subaru challenged me officer. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1184 An iron contrivance cut me off. 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
1185 It was an accident! He joust didn't see me coming 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1186 He double parked and boxed me in. It was a Knightmare! 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1187 Good sir, I act by King Arthur's fiat. 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1188 Door, what door? 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1189 Since when has being anachronistic been illegal? 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1190 I thought the sign said “Pike Lane”. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1191 I'm strictly a catch-and-release guy. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1192 Why not? It stole my name! 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1193 The name is Lancelot, what about that don’t you get? 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1194 It was joustifiable hubercide. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1195 So, this is what it's like to be King Arthur in a Connecticut Yankee traffic court. 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
1196 What car? ‘‘Tis the shield of Sir Galahad. 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1197 No, I'm his brother, Lance-some. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1198 He's gettin' up there, so I couldn't have been going more than 20. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1199 Rather than license and registration, I present thee my door prize 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1200 Well...Sure, I guess I COULD have just taken down the license number... 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1201 It seemed like a fair fight to joust with a Mustang. 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1202 But it said it was a Dodge Charger.... 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1203 I'm just not sure what to cite you for. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1204 Nay sir, I could not get his details. But I did snag this. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1205 Sorry officer I wasn't wearing my knight glasses. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1206 No I swear, he came at me 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1207 Show me the no-jousting sign! 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1208 I impaled the Impala on the way to the palace!" 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1209 I meant to turn left coming out of the 12th century. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1210 The oth'r sir ranneth the r'd light! 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1211 He didn't dim his brights. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1212 So it fine for Mr. Burr to duel but I can't joust in Weehawken? 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1213 I showed the road rager the door. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1214 It's from a Dodge Lancer 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1215 Just two horns of ale in the evening, officer. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1216 He violated the cardinal rule of jousting - staying in your lane. 1.2481 0.04051 133 102 29 2
1217 I'm reducing carbon emissions. 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1218 I was just helping a lady out of her carriage. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1219 But he opened it into traffic 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1220 Wasn’t much of a Lancer after all... 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1221 Despite its name, it may not rove onto our land. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1222 Never open doors in the bike lane. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1223 Well, I don't know if I can give you a ticket because you're technically not driving a motor vehicle. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1224 I’m sorry about your partner officer. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1225 I get road rage when I seen someone texting and driving. 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1226 It's my passion 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1227 While you're at it, Officer, would you talk to her about this tablecloth I have to wear everyday? I'm Arabian, see, not Italian. Arabian. 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1228 I've been ordered to destroy evidence officer, just ask the Pres. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1229 Well,it WAS a Charger,but not a Dodger! 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1230 The offending beast refused to yield my good man. 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
1231 excuse me, officer, that can't be. this is the passenger side door! 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
1232 How can a door be 4 points? 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1233 We cabbies do not like Uber’s invasion. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1234 It didn't Dodge 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1235 Shirley U. Joust is my real name officer. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1236 Yes, but was it missing the front or the back door? 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1237 It said, "Dodge Lancer", but it just wasn't quick enough. 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1238 Sorry officer, I can't roll my window down. 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1239 I apologize, my wife, Guinevere has the insurance card. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1240 I yield to neither man nor compact SUV. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1241 I was in the joust lane. He opened the car door without looking. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1242 Rook here officer, King cut me off as I was pulling into the Pawn shop. Queen got out and cursed at me. I told him to shut his Bishop. Joust kidding, but can I get the Check,Mate, before it’s Knight? 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
1243 I'm serious officer. A monster came out of nowhere, and left a piece of its body on my lance. 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1244 It was in our blind spot. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1245 He should've looked before opening his door into the jousting lane. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1246 This is why we need more jousting lanes in Midtown. 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
1247 Yes officer, I was wearing my seat belt. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1248 But Officer, I had the green! 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1249 I was only going at a fast gallop, officer. 1.2443 0.04068 131 101 28 2
1250 What? It was in the bike lane. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1251 I heard Lancer! Who knew it was a Dodge Lancer? 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1252 It was called a Dodge Challenger Hellcat. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1253 ''There can only be one Knight rider.'' 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1254 He was driving a Mustang. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1255 Haven't you ever heard of the Society for Anachronistic Vandalism? 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1256 It’s ok it’s from a Dodge Charger 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1257 I had more horsepower. 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1258 Yes, I got doored. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1259 Honestly -it was another charger. 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
1260 Sir, are you almost done drawing this door? 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1261 I thought alternate side parking was suspended today. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1262 you're still getting a ticket 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1263 I'm on a Crusade against modernity. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1264 It was a Dodge Charger, if you must know. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1265 Yes officer, I realize that reckless jousting is a serious offense. 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
1266 That's right, officer, a one-door Mustang. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1267 I was about to be doored officer. You would have done the same thing if you'd been in my stirrups! 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1268 He took my parking space! 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1269 I bested Sir Chevrolet even though he said he had the power of 385 horses." 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1270 Why am I being given a ticket? I missed him. 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1271 Horsepower vs Torque,I think we have a winner... 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
1272 The driver opened the door just as I was trying to pass. 1.2443 0.04068 131 101 28 2
1273 Doesn't the red light mean attack!? 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1274 He was texting and drove into my lane. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1275 Well, he opened the door right in front of me! 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1276 If I said they were asking for it would you believe me? 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1277 In my defense, good sir, he was driving only 240 furlongs per hour in the left lane. 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1278 As thou canst see, my steed has superior horsepower 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1279 It doth came out of nowhere. 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1280 I was jousting against a Scion. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1281 And this is why we need a Knight Lane! 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
1282 I'm tilting at Ubers. 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1283 Guilty, officer. It said 'Dodge Challenger' and I failed. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1284 I shouldn't have been texting and dueling 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1285 I think it was a Dodge "Charger". 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1286 Improper lane change. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1287 Technically I didn't hit it, Officer. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1288 King Donald of the House of White will pardon me for damaging Sir Biden's carriage. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1289 i beat your police car at jousting, loser cop 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
1290 This door won't bother anyone again! 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1291 Nonsense: it was a fair duel! 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1292 Then why did Mitsubishi name it the "Lancer?" 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1293 Officer, I know my selfie stick is unconventional 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1294 You're lucky. We don't have summer uniforms. 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1295 Last week it was an Uber bike. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1296 Talk about horsepower. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1297 A Dodge Charger challenged me to a duel. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1298 He failed to yield, sire. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1299 WHERE YOU WEARING YOUR "KNIGHT VISION GLASSES? 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1300 You better get your knight vision checked? 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1301 I show no mercy to Cavaliers. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1302 The windmills are evolving... I must notify the king at once! 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1303 Then he opened the door right into the jousting lane. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
1304 They call me the Kebab in Shining Armor, but my horse responds to Bubba. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1305 Sir Roadster should stay in his lane. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1306 I thought that the "distracted jousting law" wasn't due to go into effect for another six centuries! 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1307 ‘‘Twas Sir Chevrolet, I believe, but I yield to no man. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1308 I should let you know now, officer, next weekend we're doing the Civil War. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1309 Excuse? Excuse! Fine my opponent for cheating with a mechanical horse. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1310 A Mustang cut us off. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1311 Give me a break. I have to practice on moving targets. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1312 I don't care if you won the duel. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1313 I have unhorsed you from your metal steed. Relinquish your goods for the day is mine! 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1314 I’m telling you, I didn’t even know my tail light was broken! 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1315 Officer, I just wanted to make sure Chevrolet is dead. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1316 And that's when I crossed my Rubicon. In this case, a Jeep Rubicon. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1317 Before we get to that, let me tell you of my Quest 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1318 Officer, It was not a "Hit and Run' - It was a "Stab and Sprint" 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1319 Just a glass of mead with dinner, Officer 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1320 With respect, Sir, I don't think that's what Stand Your Ground means. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1321 You can't give me a ticket - I was in the Jousting Lane! 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1322 It's OK officer, I have full coverage insurance. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1323 I couldn't help myself, it was a 1971 Javelin trying to pass me on a double yellow line. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1324 This is the door that so rudely opened and tripped me. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1325 He should have stayed out of the jousting lane. 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
1326 The lady demanded, I open the door. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1327 Mustang. Is that some kind of mechanical horse? 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1328 Can you roll your window down? 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1329 You should see the one that got away. 1.2422 0.04112 128 99 27 2
1330 Yeah, but do you realize how tall windmills are nowadays? 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1331 Riding defensively has its rewards. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1332 Do I appear in King Arthur's Court? 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1333 As I told you officer, I won the door prize. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1334 How was I supposed to know they weren't using it as a shield? 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1335 Honest, officer, I thought it was an armored car. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1336 Yea, yea. Everybody's new in town. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1337 Where shoulds't I claimeth my prize, good sire? 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1338 Strange. Beast. I think that's an ear. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1339 T’was self-defense; the Aggressor charged at US with the power of 300 Horses! 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1340 At least I got the guy in the back seat. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1341 I claim self-defense. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1342 ...But if I don't deliver it in 30 minutes, it's free! 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1343 So I said "whaddya think the side-view mirror is for, buddy?" 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1344 Why would I need a ticket to my own show? 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1345 This is clearly a moving violation. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1346 sometimes you are forced to remove the competition : you understand, right? 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1347 Not my fault! I stayed in the joust lane! 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1348 Oh, great. You know what this is going to do to my jousting insurance? 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1349 Good sir, me thinks I had thee right of way. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1350 I USUALLY DON'T HAVE THIS MUCH LUCK WITH A TWO-DOOR. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1351 It's okay, officer. We're both Cavalier. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1352 I cannot listen until you say 'hear ye hear ye' 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1353 Hast thou not heard of the Dutch Reach? 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1354 Impala? I thought it said "Impale!" 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1355 Don’t worry,” they said. “The Cybertruck can handle it,” they said 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1356 Obviously it was a case of failure-to-yield on his part. 1.2422 0.04112 128 99 27 2
1357 Seriously, it was the biggest 4-wheeled monster ever, and I almost had it! 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1358 But Officer, it was the only fair way to decide who got the parking spot. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1359 He called it street-racing, but I was unfamiliar with the rules. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1360 I had to challenge his claim of 300 horsepower. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1361 To be fair it started as a crusade for bike lanes, but my message has gotten a little confused. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1362 But officer, they did not honorably yield! 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1363 The steed was self-riding, I swear. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1364 But they were parked in the bike lane. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1365 Is this the best armor you have? 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1366 As knights, we are sworn to practice the Dutch reach. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1367 He charged at me first, Sir 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1368 Of course it was dangerous officer, he was driving a Pinto. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1369 How could I possibly have T-boned the car from the inside out? 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1370 Sirrah, it was merely a ‘Rogue’ that I smote. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1371 Sir, are you aware your headlights are out? 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1372 It wasn’t my fault my lord, the driver swung the door open into the joust lane as I galloped by. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1373 There is no way I was speeding with something on one horsepower. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1374 I find your armor to be laughingly inferior, Officer. Write that down. No need to thank me. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1375 Don't you have some real criminals to catch? 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1376 This is why I can't use the bike lane 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1377 Thy driver doth flippethed me off. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1378 Kind sir, 'tis merely a display of Chevroly. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1379 Sir, the Renaissance fair doesn't start until next week. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1380 I take it you're not buying my door prize story. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1381 Please, Officer, this rue is between me and Chevy the Impala. 1.2422 0.04112 128 99 27 2
1382 If he didn’t want to joust, why did he throw his shield out at me? 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1383 You put the driver on the other side, me thinks. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1384 Let's do a selfie. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1385 They called me a '"cab." 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1386 first prize was the front grill of a 1935 Mercedes Convertible 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1387 My husband locked the keys in his car... I didn’t have a choice. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1388 What doth thou mean,insurance? 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
1389 But Sire, he blocked the box. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1390 If I had a hundred dollars for every time I’ve heard that one, I’d be a rich man. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1391 No officer, I didn’t find a door...I lost a car. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1392 I was just riding along with traffic when this door opened in front of me. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1393 Hit and run? What gave it away? 1.2381 0.03810 126 101 22 3
1394 No, I am NOT coming out. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1395 You should see what I did to the toaster. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1396 But everyone else was trying to slay the wagon. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1397 The oaf was texting whilst driving. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1398 Sir Godfrey was in a Bronco. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1399 He was a worthy challenger but just didn't have the mettle 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1400 ...but he cuteth me off fine constable!! 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1401 Let's see YOU do it. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
1402 Sometimes I just need to express how not down I am with the system of technology and industrialization 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1403 Sorry officer, I was jousting a Mustang" 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1404 Um.. joust kidding, officer. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1405 Yeah, technically you are double parked. 1.2381 0.04967 126 104 14 8
1406 DOI: Driving while Impaling 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1407 Well officer, we coulda gotten hurt pretty bad - do ya think the guy shoulda checked his side mirror before door-ing us? 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1408 That is the last time the Black Escalade will open his door onto me lady’s bike. 1.2381 0.04967 126 104 14 8
1409 Verily he attempted to cut me off, and no true knight refuses a challenge. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1410 Prithee recognize, the beast came out of nowhere. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1411 Here's my proof. I had the right of way. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1412 It called me a Luddite. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1413 My horn wasn’t working and my brakes need a carrot! 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1414 No officer, we Knights are not subject to your open door policy. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1415 He ran a red light and I run a renaissance fair. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1416 He stoleth my parking space! 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1417 Squire, are you suggesting that I'm a bit unhinged? 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1418 Are you people ever going to learn how to use traffic circles? 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1419 Honestly, he did not look in his mirror before he got out. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1420 Road Rage you Say?? 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1421 If you let me off with a warning, I could do something similiar to your ex-wife`s vehichle. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1422 It's a new app. We respond immediately to mansplaining complaints. 1.2381 0.04967 126 104 14 8
1423 Honest, officer. I was just trotting past cars in the bicycle lane when a driver opened his door. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1424 I didn't exactly run. I galloped from the scene. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1425 Well, he should have checked behind him before he opened his door. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1426 If I said that I work for the Consumer Protection Agency, would you reduce the fine? 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1427 In my defense, it was a Chevy Impala. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1428 From a Charger that refused to dodge. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1429 If it helps any, I did have my seat belt on when it happened. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1430 Can you hurry with that VIN number. This is getting heavy. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1431 Sir Lancelot--Sir ! 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1432 It was a 1957 Chivalry. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1433 Yes officer, spelled E-L-O-N... 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1434 My pinto and I had no choice officer, it was a '68, Charger! 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1435 Can you wind your window down, Sir? 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1436 Sorry, she has a thing for Mustangs. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
1437 Let me off -- I’m a WHITE knight.” 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1438 Well constable, it all started when Lord Bentley challenged me to a duel. 1.2381 0.04129 126 98 26 2
1439 GET IT OFF!! 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1440 Ahh. The perfect shield! Thank you good sir. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1441 I couldn’t dodge his charger. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1442 I won't apologize for aggressively fighting climate change. 1.2381 0.04967 126 104 14 8
1443 But the other driver was sounding his trumpet and drunk on mead! 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1444 I really don’t think a sobriety test is necessary. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1445 How am I wrong? He was the one who swung it open without looking. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
1446 It was a hybrid breathing dragon. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1447 ’Twas a Lancer, my lord, and no match for my joust. 1.2358 0.04175 123 96 25 2
1448 You can't blame me for the Byzantine traffic laws. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1449 The carriage was horseless. 1.2358 0.04175 123 96 25 2
1450 Fencer-bender? 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1451 But officer, intermodal jousting is legal where I come from..... 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1452 This is how we deal with road ragers where I come from. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1453 We misplaced our GPS. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1454 He told me to crack the door. 1.2358 0.05043 123 102 13 8
1455 I thought it was a windmill! 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
1456 What's a ticket? 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1457 I just wanted the donut. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1458 I thought it would make a great door stop for the castle. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1459 Sorry, didn't you say Tudor? 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1460 Hey, the rest of that beast wasn't touched 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1461 It was not I who was errant. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1462 The electric horse had no driver. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1463 But it was a Charger. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1464 It seemed like an open invitation to charge, officer. 1.2358 0.04175 123 96 25 2
1465 Sorry, but you can’t park here at knight. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1466 To be fair, he DID open his door into the horse lane. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1467 He zigged and I zagged. It happens. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1468 The driver kept blowing his horn at me! 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1469 But sire, the metal beast made cursed sounds, and it's rider seemed to cast a spell on me with his long finger... 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1470 He opened his door in the middle of the joust. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1471 When you write this up can you call it St. George and the Drag Racer? 1.2358 0.04701 123 102 14 7
1472 Didn’t you see the demo...Musk was wrong when he said the new Tesla was lance-proof. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1473 I’m sorry, my horse has AI. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1474 It was a late model lancer... 1.2358 0.04175 123 96 25 2
1475 There is no mistake he saw me coming, but the ram did not come close to a dodge. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1476 A turn signal is a statement of intent, not a request. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1477 But I was in the dedicated joust lane. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1478 Clearly, I was in the Knight lane. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1479 Just because his mustang has more horse power he thinks he can steal my park 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1480 We had a report of a mustang with one door causing trouble in the area. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1481 Joust ‘cuz I can. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1482 Officer, a woman's honor was at stake. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1483 I asked what his ride was. He yelled "Dodge!" I did, and impaled this. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1484 An anachronism, wrapped in an enigma, inside a Hyundai. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1485 I get to keep it. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1486 I’m not sure why they call that steed a Mitsubishi Lancer, my good sire, it’s all beep and no fight. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1487 Yon steed cheats, your majesty. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1488 Milady never liked the Tudors. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1489 The last normal thing I recall is agreeing to a match with a gentleman named DeLorean. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1490 Clearly, this joust was rigged. 1.2358 0.03929 123 97 24 2
1491 Cyber Monday went terribly wrong. 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
1492 Officer, I left my registration in my tunic! 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1493 Wouldst fain report a citizen’s joust, my liege. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1494 I didn’t run, I was running by 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1495 I Lance a lot of opening doors so you don't have to! 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1496 That’s what they get for opening their door into the jousting lane. 1.2358 0.04013 123 95 27 1
1497 No collision, no quod a porta delenimentis. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1498 I'm to be charged with disturbing the piece? 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1499 How did we get trapped inside the dragon in the first place, you ask? 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1500 As soon as you finish writing the ticket, I can think of a dumb play on words for this caption. 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
1501 I forgot my keys 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1502 “C’est Moi!” 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1503 But this is how the 2020 Buick LeSabre is supposed to look. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1504 I had to take it out. It was a Charger. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1505 I hadeth the rightest of way! 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1506 A car! A car! My kingdom for a car! 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1507 The fiend did open his door in the biketh lane. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1508 Not much of a Challenger. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1509 He cameth out of nether yeh! 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
1510 My steed hath bested the Mustang. 1.2342 0.05112 111 91 14 6
1511 I promise this is performance art. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1512 So-o-o...how 'bout those Seahawks? 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1513 Why can't they learn? Don't open the car door until you check the jousting lane! 1.2314 0.03850 121 93 28 0
1514 Say I'm on a bicycle; it's self defense! 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1515 Ford v Dodge Lancer 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1516 In days of old, when knights were bold.....and automobiles weren’t invented. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1517 I'm not trying to do your job for you officer, but this is his door. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1518 I only had one goblet of mead. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1519 But officer, I was riding in the jousting lane and about to get doored! 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1520 Prouesse, Prius, who can say? 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1521 We need a jousting lane. 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1522 I'm sorry officer, but they thought their Mustang could beat mine. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1523 Me thinks the bloke did not consult his rearview mirror. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1524 a cab 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1525 How dare you question my paranoid delusions 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1526 It's not mine. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1527 I was just trying to be a gentleman and open the door for her sir 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1528 Don't worry, it was self-driving. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1529 So much for THAT 'Challenger' ! 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1530 I've said it before, it's the fastest way uptown. 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
1531 I’m not sure what happened, officer. I was trotting down the bike lane and someone opened their door. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1532 Ride that horse in the bike lane and you're gonna get doored. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1533 Sir, you're under arrest for car-jousting. 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1534 Elon said,"Whatever you do,keep away from the windows." 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1535 It certainly surprised them officer. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1536 The jerk doored ME in the jousting lane! 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1537 My therapist told me to not let obstacles block my path. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1538 It's defensive driving. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1539 Trust me, I tried a carrot on a stick first, but the mule wouldn't budge. 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
1540 this couldn't happen with a Tesla truck 1.2314 0.05083 121 101 12 8
1541 I believe, officer, that I had the right of way. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1542 It's only a puncture wound. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1543 How else doth one slay an Impala? 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1544 It was the Knight Rider 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1545 Lucky for him, he was wearing his seat belt. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1546 I thought the driver was a Democrat! 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
1547 My name? It's... Uhhh... Gawain. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1548 It had no driver, so I had to stop it! 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1549 In my defence, you were in my spot. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1550 Yeah, well, you wouldn't be fining me if I were one of those "bike messengers." Because then I'd be dead. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1551 Under the Code of Chivalry, it was his fault for not looking first. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1552 But you don't understand Officer, I'm a valet parking attendant at Medieval Times! 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1553 Officer, they should have checked for incoming traffic before opening their door 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1554 One less car opening into traffic. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1555 And when he flipped me off, I yelled "Chivalry is dead and so are you." 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1556 Sorry Officer, but the scurvy knave was tailgating me. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1557 I'm the victim here. I was in the joust lane and he doored me! 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1558 It's a Lancia. So I did. 1.2314 0.04274 121 98 19 4
1559 I was in the jousting lane, and he doored me. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1560 I'm sorry sir, I couldn't fit my knight driving glasses under my helmet 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1561 Of course I had MY turn signal on, officer. Why do you ask? 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1562 I don't know why it threw itself on my lance officer.We were just standing here and it came at us and landed on my lance. Honestly 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1563 I just got my squire's permit. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1564 But officer Elon assured me it was lance proof. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1565 A piece of his armor to show you his foul play. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1566 that's the last time he'll cut anybody off. 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
1567 I guess he didn't have enough horsepower. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1568 Well, the sign clearly said not to park there during the tournament. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1569 My bad, officer, but the driver called me a 'prick'" 1.2314 0.05083 121 101 12 8
1570 This DOESN'T belong in my era!! Where shall I put it? 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1571 I was never very good at parallel lancing. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1572 You CANNOT give me a ticket just because a man on a horse defeated a man in a car with mere horsepower. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
1573 We were arguing about horsepower 1.2314 0.05083 121 101 12 8
1574 Officer, you trying riding in the bike-lane! 1.2295 0.04625 122 99 18 5
1575 Technically, it was you riding on wrong side of history. 1.2288 0.04876 118 97 15 6
1576 That's right officer...Lance a Parking Lot. 1.2288 0.05022 118 98 13 7
1577 Door me twice... 1.2288 0.04876 118 97 15 6
1578 Elon Musk challenged me to it! 1.2288 0.05022 118 98 13 7
1579 The car's name was Lancer. What was I supposed to do? 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1580 Methinks some of us be well advised to take the pill that chilleths! 1.2288 0.04240 118 93 23 2
1581 Of course, it is a front door from a Dodge Lancer! 1.2288 0.04066 118 92 25 1
1582 He cut me off so I acquired one of his doors. 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
1583 The knave's mount was a new Mustang 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1584 Prithee, it didst cut me off! 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1585 It says inflate the front to 32 psi and the back to 35. 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1586 So, I'm guessing that other guy said it wasn't his fault. 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1587 The driver of this car keeps getting his captions rejected. 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1588 He opened the door without looking officer! 1.2288 0.04240 118 93 23 2
1589 The ad said it was a door buster sale. 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1590 But officer, the sign only says "No Parking or Standing". 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
1591 A Knight of the Round Table does not yield. 1.2269 0.04209 119 94 23 2
1592 So I’m at this renaissance festival and ... 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1593 I'm from Connecticut. 1.2269 0.04375 119 95 21 3
1594 I tilted. 1.2269 0.04375 119 95 21 3
1595 Yield? Never! 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1596 What else could I do? He threatened me first with his Dodge Cutlass 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1597 I had the right of way. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
1598 Frankly, who can resist teal gray for a new breast plate? 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1599 The guy with the fancy car underestimated my horsepower 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1600 Mitsubishi Lancer. You ticketed any Dodge Chargers recently? 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1601 It was this or the bicyclist. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1602 You say I need a fishing license? 1.2241 0.05061 116 97 12 7
1603 I couldn't help it, sir. It was a Mustang. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1604 I saw the light turn, but he is colorblind. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
1605 That cabbie didn't deserve the title "Checker" 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1606 It was self-defense. His horse had wheels and was in the wrong lane. 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1607 No, I said 'a tourney'. 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1608 Get to the point, Officer. 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1609 Only thing I can tell you is that he had 300 horsepower and wore a cheap armor 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1610 But it’s a love token from Lady Chevrolet. 1.2241 0.04077 116 91 24 1
1611 But officer, he was driving a Challenger! 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1612 I’m not sure what happened, but a man with crazy white hair told me this is part of something called a Delorean. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
1613 Here, I've got the door for you. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1614 I killed a Transformer. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1615 I wasn't just tilting at windmills, Officer, it was a real gas-guzzler! 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1616 ...As you can see the car went into me, I didn't go into it! 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1617 American made car, officer. I am quality checker in disguise! 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1618 Officer, the last thing I remember is that I was in Camelot and Merlin said I was late for the joust. 1.2241 0.03889 116 90 26 0
1619 the door belongs to Hubie the evil cab driver. 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1620 He didn't use his turn signal. 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1621 Can you believe it? He opened the door in the joust lane without even looking. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1622 I think it's a 2011 Prius. 1.2241 0.04168 116 94 19 3
1623 I sweareth, it didst approcheth me at great speed! 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1624 Should've sprung for the jousting insurance. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1625 By my honor, the brazen Corolla shall ne'er speed again. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1626 It's our new promotion, officer. Checker Cab jousts the competition. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1627 No officer, I was not texting and riding. This chariot ran a red lamp 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1628 'Twas the other man's folly. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1629 Do I get points for accuracy? 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1630 You gotta admit, it’s a clean stab! 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1631 But I left a note on the windshield, officer. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1632 Introducing the 2020 Dodge Lancer, Motor Trend's choice for best jousting vehicle in its class. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1633 License and heredity, please. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1634 Am I being detain'd? 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1635 I also offered them my horse. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1636 I believe it was an Impala, officer. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1637 He cut me off, I swear! 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1638 C'mon, give me a break, I'm on my knight shift! 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1639 I clearly signaled “stay put scoundrel or face doom,” and he gout out anyway. 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1640 What else am I to do with a Bronco coming right at me, good sir? 1.2212 0.03922 113 88 25 0
1641 I'm sorry, Officer. It was just a Yugo 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1642 Oops! I thought that's how you open it. 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1643 It's OK. I'm just testing the Tesla Cybertruck impact resistance. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1644 It was moving too fast to get its license plate number. 1.2212 0.05142 113 95 11 7
1645 Good Sir, this is my turn signal. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1646 They told me the enemy was yellow. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1647 My Kingdom for a KIA. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1648 Here's the VIN. The rest is still parked in the fire lane at Medieval Times. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1649 She ran the stop sign Officer 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1650 My wife says the only reason she won’t ride the horse is because it doesn’t have any doors. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1651 In my defense, Officer, you were parked in a loading zone. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1652 ... Left lane is for passing only!! 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1653 ...but officer, I was doored! 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1654 The stupid driver opened his door without looking. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1655 O.K. Lancelot, what's your excuse this time? 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1656 It was my misguided attempt of a coup upon a coupe. 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
1657 I hate my job. 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
1658 It wasn't a complete failure to signal. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1659 Joust Uber 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1660 The challenger could not dodge this valiant lancer. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1661 I believeth this belongs to one of thy contemp'raries. 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1662 But I aimed at the windmill 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
1663 I'm sorry,officer,I just couldn't slow down in time. I must need new breakshoes. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1664 0fficer, really - putting more points on my license would be fedual. 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1665 Really, officer, I was only picking up trash. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1666 Please report front and center for my insurance claim. 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
1667 No, I didn't get the plate number. 1.2212 0.04119 113 89 23 1
1668 It's an open-and-shut case of self defence, officer! 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1669 Chivalry 101: Always get the door? 1.2193 0.04273 114 91 21 2
1670 They really don't make them like they used to. 1.2193 0.04451 114 92 19 3
1671 Tally Ho!,” Fine Sir, I said. And he’s like all “That’s my lane! 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1672 How else was I supposed to signal? 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1673 No, not a -hit-and-run as much a spear-and-gallop, my liege! 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1674 Knight vision, officer...It looked like a cougar about to pounce! 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1675 It was an oncoming Mustang, of course I lanced it. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1676 Officer, he pulled out right in front of me. I thought he was challenging me. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1677 But, officer, this is my blinker. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1678 Sir Lance a Car Lot, I presume? 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1679 Lance, you did it again. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1680 We got that son-of-a-bitch. 1.2162 0.04128 111 88 22 1
1681 But officer ..... he started it! 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1682 ElonMusk said it was ultra-hard 30X cold-rolled Stainless steel. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1683 Officer, I swear he said he was riding a mustang. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1684 I can explain: I used to commute by bicycle... 1.2162 0.05339 111 95 8 8
1685 I was aiming for the side mirror when the driver opened the door. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1686 Well, the other ending didn't make sense either. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1687 My horse didn't come with blind spot detection. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1688 I don't think Renaissance Fairs and the Daytona 500 mix very well. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1689 See? Way more fun than writing them a ticket. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1690 The defeated knight fled leaving leaving a piece if his armor behind. As a knight of the round table I offer you evidence of my victory. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1691 Because the knight... 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1692 The knight was short, wore no armor, and his chariot was called ‘The DeLorean’ or some such. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1693 The Escalade was no match for this fearsome steed. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1694 Perhaps a few guineas for your guild might dispel your angst? 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1695 He opened his door into the jousting lane without looking. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1696 There's an ordinance against body piercing? 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1697 It's just a flesh wound! 1.2162 0.04128 111 88 22 1
1698 Knight driving has its consequences. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1699 Honestly, it was Elon Musk who asked me to test the strength of a new Tesla 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1700 I meant to glance it Not lance it. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1701 Disturbing the peace? Surely you joust! 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1702 Obviously more then a fender-bender 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1703 I did stay in my lane officer. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1704 I shouldn't be getting a ticket. I won the joust! 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1705 My smith added a fluxxe capacitor, so when the horse hits 88 mph... 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1706 Well sir, he opened his car door right into the jousting lane! 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1707 I caused the accident? Surely you joust! 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1708 Good Sir, he yelled “ shotgun!” when approaching the vehicle. Pray tell, what else was I to do? 1.2162 0.03925 111 87 24 0
1709 Never underestimate horse power. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1710 No, it's okay. It's from a Lancer. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1711 Dragster/Dragon - it could happen to anyone 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1712 In my defense they didn't use their turn signals. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1713 Show some civility when greeting a knight of the Coer D'or. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1714 Officer, please, I can explain. 1.2162 0.04128 111 88 22 1
1715 Alas, 'tis a self-driving horse. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1716 I dismembered the Rogue from the province of Nissan! 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1717 Medieval Times IS autonomous! 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1718 I think he got the point Sir 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1719 The driver said, "Surely you joust." I got upset... 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1720 But officer, I was just galloping down the road on my way to the Crusades when someone unexpectedly opened their car door. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1721 You may call me Sir Lancel-auto. 1.2162 0.04226 111 91 17 3
1722 It is not my fault. He signaled left. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1723 Licence & Animal insurance, please. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1724 I swear officer, it was a Mustang. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1725 Renaissance festival ticket? 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1726 It wasn't my fault. They opened the door while I was in the bike lane" 1.2162 0.03925 111 87 24 0
1727 But officer, this is the door to m’lady’s heart! 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1728 It came at me head-on...a Dodge Lancer. 1.2162 0.05023 111 93 12 6
1729 Oops, sorry about that! How many donuts is this going to cost me? 1.2162 0.04598 111 93 13 5
1730 I’d like to report a flagrant violation of the rules of jousting. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1731 He said his insurance won't cover this. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1732 Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear! 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1733 But Officer, he was on the wrong side of the road! 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1734 Well, he DID open his door in the middle of a traffic jam... 1.2162 0.04128 111 88 22 1
1735 He didn't use his signal. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1736 Do you think this comes under collision or comprehensive? 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1737 Millennials, amirite? 1.2162 0.05023 111 93 12 6
1738 He crosseth the solid lines. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1739 My lady found the color offensive. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1740 Further proof the airbags were faulty! 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1741 That's funny because my first car was a LaSabre. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1742 Officer, he ran a red light. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1743 Could have sworn it was a dragon, officer... 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1744 Oh, so it's my fault he didn't look first? 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1745 He tried to pass me on the right. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1746 He challenged my horse power and then things got out of hand. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1747 make out the Summons to Dodge Charger 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1748 Joust a minute, Officer... 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1749 Ye olde road rage got the better of me 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1750 No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1751 Forsooth, hé hath ne checked his mirror. 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
1752 Foolishly I put the car before the horse, sir. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1753 Shining armor, huh? 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
1754 Can’t a knight at least try to be a gentleman by opening the door for another? 1.2130 0.04373 108 87 19 2
1755 Officer, I was jousting and I won a 'door prize'. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1756 It's a Coupe Kebab 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
1757 I... found it this way 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
1758 My foe doth ride a Mustang. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1759 He didn't know why I pulled him over. 1.2130 0.04373 108 87 19 2
1760 It's from an Impala--sort of couldn't help myself. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1761 His invisible steed was to fast for me but I nailed his carriage. 1.2130 0.04373 108 87 19 2
1762 He was trying to get onto 14th St. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1763 He's got a considerable blind spot. 1.2130 0.04171 108 86 21 1
1764 Somebody tried to take King Arthur's royal parking space and I get the ticket? 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1765 Sire, what doth thou bring to The Castle? 1.2130 0.05271 108 92 9 7
1766 No, I do not recall their license plate number 1.2130 0.05104 108 91 11 6
1767 A foreseeable consequence of driving defensively. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1768 Sir, I am the Thane of Cardoor! 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1769 He really shouldn't have opened his door into the bike lane. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1770 I glanced at my phone for only a second. 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1771 He didn’t see me coming in the horse lane 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1772 I got doored in the jousting lane. 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
1773 First of all, don’t you want to know how we got in? 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
1774 In my attempt to unhorse him, my lance dropped and accidentally struck his Mustang. 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1775 Sorry officer. The driver didn’t look when he opened the door. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1776 No, officer. I was jousting. Not jay walking. 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
1777 I've just gotten tired of folks not checking before opening their doors into the bike lane. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1778 The name is Lance-alot. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1779 I got so tired of people taking my parking spot. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1780 I told him if he took my spot again I'd be waiting. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1781 This the last time it takes a swipe at me. 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1782 Strange guy—he kept going on about chicken. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1783 Apparently all knight vision rates in this town is a lousy door prize. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1784 Sir, Officer, My GPS told me to turn left. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1785 On tonight’s episode of The Shield... 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1786 Traffic downtown was positively Medieval. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1787 Suddenly, the wagon door flew open.... 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1788 I'm pretty sure it was a Mustang. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1789 Officer, if you would PLEASE give me only a warning, I swear I will adjust the meds. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1790 I'm confused, I was told my enemy rode a Mustang. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1791 He blocked the box. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1792 They said the drive-thru was for cars only. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1793 But officer, I forgot that I wasn’t wearing my virtual-reality headset. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1794 I'm glad I wasn't on a bike. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1795 Actually, I was jousting with a cyclist in the bike lane when.... 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1796 Well, he insulted my Mustang. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1797 ‘On what charge?’ I thought that was supposed to be my line. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1798 He was in the handicap zone ! 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1799 The guy has no mirror on this side, and I got doored. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1800 It was a fair dual. The other Lancer lost. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1801 I was seeking Camelot, not a parking lot.... 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1802 Ironically, it was a Dodge Lancer. 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1803 They just don’t make Volvo’s like they used to, wouldn’t you say Officer? 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1804 As for the car door, I have no explanation, officer. 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
1805 My friend Lance got a new Charger and I guess we just took the joke a little too far. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1806 It tried to take my parking space. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1807 It was easy: he was double parked. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1808 Since when is there a law against texting while jousting? 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1809 It was a Dodge Lancer. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1810 I think it was a Mustang or a Bronco 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1811 He opened his door right into the dedicated jousting lane... 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1812 It was a smite and run accident 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1813 How can you give a door a ticket? 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1814 It was just defensive riding officer, he passed on the right! 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1815 This is why you should never ride a Mustang in a match. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1816 I was joust kidding. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1817 How about a warning? 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1818 Can I blame this on video games? 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1819 He dost cutteth me off. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1820 A Chevy insulted my horse's blanket. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1821 Honestly Officer, I just had my eyes checked. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1822 You're fining me for piercing his shield? 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1823 They sure don’t make armor like they used to! 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1824 What are the charges noble Knight of the Law? 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1825 Hark! I hath slayed thy guttural beast of 500 horsepower. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1826 'Twas worth it to unhorse Sir Uber. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1827 What do you mean this is a no jousting zone? 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1828 There I was, just minding my own business, when, out of nowhere, he just opened his door. Right in front of me!!! 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1829 I don't know how it got there, it came out of nowhere, honest. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1830 Speeding, failure to yield, that's fine for jousting, but you're in Manhattan not Merrie Olde England, and I don't believe for a minute that your name is Sir Lancelot. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1831 Well, that's why they call me Lancelot. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1832 But officer, he opened his door in the bike lane 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1833 Sorry Senor Quixote, I’ll have to cite you for tilting at car doors again. 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
1834 Impaling a car door in this configuration is topologically impossible, my liege. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1835 I mean, who brings a car to a joust? 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1836 Officer, he won't be doing anymore dooring with this door. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1837 Are you gonna how we got inside the car? 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1838 How am I at fault here? The other guy charged at me with multiple horses - that's against the rules! 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1839 But its my shining armor 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1840 I insisted on being a gentleman. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1841 But the Steed was a Charging Bronco 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1842 I came, I drove, I concurred 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1843 I’m gonna let you go with a warning. 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1844 Awesome. But... The cyclists still are requesting that you stay out of the bike lane. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1845 A Dodge EX-Caliber. 2007, I think. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1846 Honest mistake Officer, it's my first day car hopping at White Castle 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
1847 ...another case of suicide door by knight. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1848 ...and about how fast would you say the Buick was going at the time of impale, I mean, impact? 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1849 As it’s your first offense I’ll joust give you a warning. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1850 Right when I hit 88 MPH, there was a lightning strike, and... 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1851 I'm undercover. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1852 He opened it right in front of me! 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1853 You're saying I was at fault?! ... surely, you joust, officer. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1854 In my defense, he had his high-beams on. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1855 Officer, I'm a freelancer, when one door closes another one always rips open. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1856 I was riding in the bike lane when the driver suddenly opened the door. 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1857 I'll let you off with a warning... 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1858 No infernal beast shall waylay me on Park Avenue South. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1859 ''Does thou expect'th me not to attack'th a driver on thy phone?'' 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1860 Forsooth. No Uber driver steals my fare. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1861 How now, officer! I ride in search of the legendary Medallions of Taxi. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1862 When it wheeled I charged. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1863 In my defense, he didn’t signal. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1864 Wote ye well: ae coat of beaten egg, a heavy infusion of farl crumbs and a light dusting of days old crumbling of farl, and this shall fry up main well! 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1865 I was in the jousting lane and he just opened his door right into me! 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
1866 It's a lance sharpener 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1867 This dragon will never fly again 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1868 It appears that he fixed the shatterproof glass. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1869 “ Well, Sir, that’s why you need a horn...” 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1870 Yeah, Happy New Year to you too. Can I have my police horse back now? 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1871 It's fine, I have horse insurance. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1872 I was obeying the law. I signaled a right turn! 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1873 I did so because the lanterns on their metal steed were aflame to a great degree. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1874 I missed the sheriff but I might have got his family. 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
1875 I am the Knight of No Right on Red. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1876 She wouldn't stop complaining about the broken air conditioner. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1877 I thought this was a no fault state? 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1878 I was charging in my lane and this door suddenly opened. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1879 But Mr. Officer, my horse is in labor. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1880 You should have seen the other door. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1881 The he said, "So do you use your lance a lot, Lancelot?" 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1882 He made a left turn at the last moment. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1883 What's the problem Officer? Haven't you seen a Mitsubishi Lancer before? 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1884 But, my good sir, twas YOU who doored ME. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1885 We were only jousting, Officer. 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
1886 There was a dog stuck in there, so I tried to break the window 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1887 So am I at fault? 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1888 Forsooth, my squire hath my policy number. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1889 It was not a hit and run, I can explain 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1890 Sorry, he gets excited when he sees flashing lights. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1891 It wouldn’t yield. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1892 My kingdom for a Mustang. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1893 Officer, that's roadway skill in action, not reckless operation. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1894 I didn't know you could get a ticket at the Demolition Derby. 1.2039 0.05228 103 88 9 6
1895 It’s really the first time I hear about road rage... 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1896 They're supposed to stay out of the horse lanes. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1897 Elon told me it was lance-proof. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1898 But the salesman said I could charge the car. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1899 Joust lives matter. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1900 But he was driving a Mustang. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1901 This is not what it looks like, officer. The Insurance Institute has added a new safety test and this car failed badly. 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
1902 She didn't use her blinkers 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1903 They challenged—I triumphed! 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
1904 ‘He was about ye high’ 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1905 A strong object attacked me, officer, but the occupants ran away> 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1906 I can't stand cars! They take too much space. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1907 Clearly, Sir, the driver needed to yield!" 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1908 You'll find Elon Musk a couple of miles back. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1909 Not my fault, officer. My steed saw a Mustang and went nuts. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1910 I think I still haven't fully adjusted to my new contacts. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1911 A fair lady asked me for assistance in giving someone the door. 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
1912 The self-driving car drove right into the middle of our Renaissance charging battle Officer." 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1913 My superior said to hurry, there is a coupe at the palace. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1914 I saw the radio antenna and got confused. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1915 ' Twas no accident, the damsel hadn't a scarf. 1.2039 0.05228 103 88 9 6
1916 He blinked first. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1917 I joust can’t 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
1918 In this land you forbidith texting and crusading? 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1919 What was I supposed to do...its mount was somehow INSIDE of it. 1.2019 0.04185 104 84 19 1
1920 Surely you’re not going to ticket me – I only winged the metal beast. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
1921 I thought 'twas common sense to check ye bike lane before getting out, but alas here we are. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1922 I was signalling a right, and…anyway, here’s your door, officer. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
1923 I told them I could Jimmy it open, but I’ve never been very good with names. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1924 Failure to yield, officer? Verily, but he started it. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1925 Thy "Text Not Whilst Driving Crusade" will soon be the talk o'er all the countryside!" 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1926 He was in the wrong lane in the wrong time with the wrong armor. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1927 Checker Cab 1, Uber 0 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1928 Biagra. It’s like Viagra, but for biceps. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1929 Rachel Maddow wouldn't give me a ticket. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1930 I had no idea that Aston Martin DB5s were still being manufactured 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1931 Sorry, my vector was down. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
1932 I was trying to poke holes in their claims about side impact protection. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1933 I told him not to ride THAT kind of charger! 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1934 My opponent's armor did look unusual. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1935 Sorry, Sire. Open door season doesn't start until midnight. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1936 Has there ever been a clearer case of self-defense? 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1937 Wasn't it a Dragon? 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1938 My charger bested his. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1939 I guess we know who's got more horsepower now,huh?! 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1940 It is a one door, one horsepower convertible. 1.1980 0.05269 101 87 8 6
1941 Our kingdom is self-insured. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1942 Take a right on park street, the Palace will be the first drawbridge on your right. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1943 Its security was breached. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1944 Good Sir Officer, witness the demon Vin# of yon fossil fuel invader of the bike path I have humbly vanquished for thee! 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1945 Upon advice of learned counsel I taketh the Fifth. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1946 Nothing a bit of Armor All can’t polish up.... 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1947 What do you mean you've never seen Game of Thrones? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1948 I guess chivalry is not dead. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1949 He tried to open his door in front of a biker. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1950 I was joust opening the door for my lady 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1951 'Mitsubishi Lancer, officer. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1952 He kept saying it's a zebra crossing... 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1953 You really need to widen the jousting lanes 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1954 Officer, I'm not coming off my high horse -- they showed no regard for knight parking hours. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1955 The driver opened the door to block my road rage but the VIN number is on the decal. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1956 Officer: You say your name is Sir Lance alot ? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1957 It’s like it came right out of another century, and now it’s just— hanging there. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1958 “Not my fault, the driver opened his door in traffic”. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1959 My king is going to kill me. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1960 It was not a hit and run, officer. I went into a half cantor. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
1961 The officer didn:1%2C%22surl%22:%22https://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/contest%22%2C%22sref%22:%22%22%2C%22sts%22:1575496453371%2C%2 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1962 I fought the car and I won! 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1963 That's Sir Lyft Slayer to you... 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1964 I'm pretty sure it was a Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1965 Yes, it’s my own Accord. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
1966 THERE'S ONE DOOR THAT WILL NEVER HIT US AGAIN! 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1967 But officer this is proof I prevailed. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1968 I just wanted to test its mettle. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1969 Aren’t you the people who advise others to look before opening doors? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1970 Ford Fiestas just piss me off… 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1971 You've got to be jousting! 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1972 Yon scoundrel openeth before me, I tell you. 1.1980 0.03985 101 81 20 0
1973 Yes, that is blood on the end of my lance. I was in the bike lane and that guy deserved what he got. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1974 I've had it with those lousy Lyft drivers! 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1975 To be fair, it was a Dodge Charger. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1976 I need a new career 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1977 Don Quixote....De La Mancha 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1978 This happens every time my horse sees a Mustang. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1979 Have I convinced you that there’s a right and wrong side of the road? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1980 I say constable... I had the right-of-way. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1981 So you see, sir, my horse cannot go above the car speed limit. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1982 Thy sign commanded, 'Dead End.' 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1983 This flying DeLorean appeared out of nowhere. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1984 I’ve defeated the Ford beast. Share my story. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1985 Not my fault. The horse told me to do it 1.1980 0.05269 101 87 8 6
1986 All those in favor of the proposition, raise ... something." {Why my last week's caption in this week's entry space?] (For this week:] "But officer, it was a 'Charger! 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1987 At least I got the package delivered on time. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1988 Officer, 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1989 What's the real charge here, officer? 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1990 There goes my safe rider discount 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1991 Fair contest, officer, armour to amour! 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1992 I assume it was a Dodge Charger. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1993 To the victor go the spoils in the fight against bureaucracy. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1994 I thought a Ford Pinto would be a worthy challenger. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1995 Name? Starts with L, A, N, C 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1996 It shouldn't count as texting. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
1997 Double parking??? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1998 Just because my horse had a few beers doesn't mean that *I* was driving under the influence 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1999 I wish to assert my fifth amendment privilege. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2000 I had green! 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2001 You're right, I was tilting at DeVilles. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2002 Joust do it 1.1980 0.05454 101 88 6 7
2003 Fear not the Lancer of Mitsubishi. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2004 The Knight Rider had more horsepower and got away. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2005 And then, he started bragging about the horsepower. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2006 Look, officer, can you let this one slide? I am up to my neck in chivalrous lawsuits as it is. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2007 Sir Chevrolet says he! Defeated in fair combat! 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2008 The Lexus started it. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2009 Is there a Mitsubishi Lancer missing a car door? 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2010 Officer, no worries. I have collision coverage. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2011 Forsooth, 'twas an '83 Mazda, officer, but victory is mine! 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2012 Would it help if I said I'd been drinking? 1.1980 0.03985 101 81 20 0
2013 Are you saying chivalry is dead sir? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2014 The other guy was driving his Lancer right at me, Officer! 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2015 It was his fault for stopping in the jousting lane. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2016 You made your point about horsepower, but it’s still destruction of property. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2017 So, do you lance a lot? 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2018 I swear a Dragon was driving. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2019 ‘Twas a Mustang, sire. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2020 Another suicide door. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2021 I guess I had more horsepower. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2022 License and registration. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2023 He was in the jousting lane. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2024 It was 'joust' a mistake. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2025 It happens everytime I see someone driving a Toyota Avalon..... 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2026 It’s not my fault. I distinctly heard you tell him no parking before knight. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2027 I don't see the problem, officer. He was coming right at me. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2028 Something tells me you've already figured it out. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2029 It was knightime and my horse doesn’t have headlights 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2030 Tis manifest my foeman didst commit the more dishonorable offense of joust and run." 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2031 I rescued it from a Mercedes in distress, but it may not survive. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2032 It was self-defense. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2033 How many points do I get for this one? 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2034 But officer, I need it so I can roll down the window when I get too hot. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2035 If you frame it as “criminal mischief”. But there’s no law against CHIVALRY, is there?! 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2036 I don't care if your carriage is horseless. It was still self defense! 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2037 Forgive me, but it moved, and I thought it was a windmill. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2038 I think it was a Mustang. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2039 In fairness, this can happen when you joust with a Bronco. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2040 I won fair and square even though he had 299 more horsepower than I" 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2041 I don't need to show you no stinking medallion! 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2042 He should have checked his mirror before opening! 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2043 It’s like it had a mind of its own. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2044 Thy Lord locked his keys in his car. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2045 I'm spearheading a new sport for the next Olympics. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2046 He met me on the field of battle astride his Mustang. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2047 Roll down your window and keep your hands on the reins sir. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2048 But officer, I was just attempting a citizen's arrest! 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2049 But, somehow, the delivery bike got around him. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2050 Sir, that is what he gets for passing on the right. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2051 No, Officer, thank goodness he wasn't wearing a seat belt! 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2052 I told them twice not to park where I tie up my horse. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2053 All I can tell you is that's why no one should open the door without looking first...and I definitely had the right of way. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2054 I'd like to report a dooring incident. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2055 Admittedly, officer my driverless car concept is something of a work in progress 1.1939 0.05553 98 86 5 7
2056 Modernization ain't shit 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2057 What’s the big deal? It was a Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2058 Could you let me off with a warning if I swearest not to joust in the bike lane again? 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2059 I wounded him in his left front before he got away. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2060 I shouldn’t have agreed to let him joust on a Mustang! 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2061 No,I'm not sorry--I had to stand my own ground! 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2062 How long do I have to stay still for it not to be a moving violation? 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2063 Sorry, Officer. She’s got a mind of her own. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2064 It attacked a rider in the bike lane so I thought the chivalrous response was to lance the offending vehicle. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2065 In fairness to me, it was a Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2066 But this was part of his armor 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2067 The directions said to take a sharp right. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2068 Unfortunate the Volvo had to face death over a parking spot. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2069 What's the fine for texting while riding? 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2070 Alas, my liege, I failed to defender milady's Honda. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2071 Like my jaws of life? 1.1939 0.04014 98 79 19 0
2072 It's not my fault, officer. He parked in a jousting zone. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2073 I slayed a Toro. as per the royal Fiat. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2074 But I joust had to stop him 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2075 He shouldn't have opened his door into the bike lane. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2076 Got the door but missed the driver. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2077 The other guy didn’t stop saying he had to get to charging station asap. 1.1939 0.04014 98 79 19 0
2078 Sorry, Officer, my aim was bad. I was tilting at windshields! 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2079 I simply gave the driver a tip. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2080 They don't make breastplates like they used to. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2081 It wasn't my fault. Your car was parked in the bike lane. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2082 Frankly the real crime here is this low quality manufacturing 1.1939 0.04014 98 79 19 0
2083 I would've pulled over sooner, but I got stuck in traffic. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2084 He ran the stop sign! 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2085 They sure don't make 'em like they used to. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2086 That'll teach HIM to drive at a knight. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2087 A Mitsubishi Lancer challenged me at a red light. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2088 Knight: We were just jousting around. Officer: I don't tolerate horseplay around here. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2089 In my defense, it was an armored truck. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2090 I'll have to write you up for a 523. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2091 But I had to go a long way back to get you one of The Doors. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2092 I know what you're thinking, and alcohol was NOT a factor. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2093 The other guy fled on foot for some reason. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2094 I didn't realize that committing an anachronism was a crime. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2095 I've been asking for a "No Parking" sign in front of the windmill for ages! 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2096 The driver was so smug bragging about his "zero emissions" vehicle. Elmer here just ate lunch; his digestive system shall not be besmirched! 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2097 This is all I could stop from the speeding Dodge Lancer 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2098 It was elaborate stunt to try to prove it was indestructible. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2099 The door flung open in the bike lane - what was I supposed to do? 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2100 Officer, it was a Mitsubishi Lancer. What would you expect me to do? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2101 I'm working my way up to windmills. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2102 He said he was a 'Knight Rider'. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2103 C'mon, officer! He threatened my horsepower. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2104 He was tailgating. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2105 I hate Mustangs. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2106 Can you please point me in the direction of the Tesla Cybertruck? 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2107 We have another Don Quijote impersonator 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2108 Carbon smoke and fire! It is you that is the dragon. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2109 He challenged me to a game of chicken. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2110 A damsel in distress accidentally locked her keys in the coach. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2111 NBC hasn't produced a police procedural this bad since "Cop Rock." 1.1939 0.05361 98 85 7 6
2112 Elon Musk issued me a challenge. As a knight I could not deny him 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2113 Did you say it was a mid-century Cavalier or you are? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2114 I thought it was ajar. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2115 Well take your performance art someplace else or I'm writing you a ticket. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2116 See? No steel beam protector! 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2117 Doesn't being in the cross-walk count??? 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2118 Well, if you don't know, how should I know what it is? 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2119 What no jousting zone? 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2120 As I rode down 5th Avenue in the Jousting Lane, Suddenly...... 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2121 Why, yes, my worthy opponent was riding a Mustang. How did you know? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2122 And thus, the coupe de gras. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2123 I felt challenged. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2124 Officer, I swear I was in the horse lane. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2125 If we had dedicated lanes, this never would have happened. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2126 That's life in the joust lane. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2127 Yeah, buddy it's a clear case of Spear and Run. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2128 How can it be a hit-and-run if I'm still here? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2129 The accident happened in the Renaissance Faire parking lot. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2130 Alas, I have injured your steed! 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2131 You're going to charge me? Surely, you joust. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2132 It was either the Mustang or me. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2133 It’s just a very alternate side of the street parking accident. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2134 It’s joust a joke officer! 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2135 It’s not what you think, officer. I’m training to become a picador. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2136 You didn't slow down at the 'whoa sign' 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2137 Thou doth protest too much....the airbag was compromised. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2138 I want to report a car that doored me in the bike lane. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2139 The only fair prize is your Crown Victoria. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2140 Officer, my horse ate my jousting license. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2141 I told the dealer this horse had a blind spot Bob Greene 9176966823 bob@contourventures.com 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2142 With my steed in the car it was the only way I could get out. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2143 I was joust galloping defensively. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2144 It was like this when I got here, Officer 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2145 So, David Hasselhoff isn't a knight? 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2146 Mayor de Blasio's orders. This guy was riding in the bike lane 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2147 It was my right of way. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2148 Did someone say law and o'door? 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2149 Tournament rules now require a side airbag. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2150 He wanted to race and I blew his doors off. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2151 When is a door not a door? 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2152 I used to cycle to work. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2153 T’was an Impala. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2154 Sorry, your Official Seal bore the Crest and Motto of an Ancient and Mortal Foe. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2155 Yes, Sir. I do happen to be Lancelot. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2156 Milady would have been more impressed with an SUV. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2157 He was trying to take my parking space! 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2158 I was doored. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2159 It's not what it looks like: he came at ME. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2160 It's all in good jest until someone looses a door. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2161 So... I was in the middle of scene 3 when this happened. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2162 I do freelance work for Tesla's new CyberTruck division. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2163 He's lucky it was just the door. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2164 We had the green light. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2165 I offered a draw. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2166 I had no choice. I’m positive it was a Dodge Lancer. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2167 Officer, I was just jousting around - can you let this one slide? 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2168 Mat-a-door 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2169 I drive a Mitsubishi Lancer, why do you ask? 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2170 Sir, please come off the horse. We've got an APB on a Mitsubishi Lancer 1.1875 0.04005 96 78 18 0
2171 Knight Mare 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2172 But officer; I believe the statute of limitations us up. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2173 He opened it right into the duel efficiency lane! 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2174 I make a mockery of the beast thou doth call a 'Dodge' 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2175 My statement: "No Fault Insurance".......... 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2176 I was just minding my own business, keeping to the bike lane. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2177 Constable, he challenged me in the jousting lane! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2178 Chevy is not dead! 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2179 But we're playing 14th Century rules here! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2180 I think it was a DeLorean. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2181 You see, sire, I lost my keys. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2182 I had the right of way, but he wouldn't yield, sire. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2183 I suppose this sort of thing happens when you joust with a Ford Mustang ! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2184 They don't make them like they're going to. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2185 My wife suggested T-bone. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2186 Why are you writing me a ticket? THEY were parked in the jousting lane ! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2187 ‘’ This weakling is giving horsepower a bad name.’’ 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2188 Lance up, don't shoot! 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2189 'Twas he who lowered his visor first. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2190 It's driverless! 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2191 The Chevrolets are our sworn enemies. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2192 There is always more than one way. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2193 The door-opens in the horse lane are a problem. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2194 I don't know what happened here, but this has got to have someone to blame. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2195 I know your more tolerant now, but a knight cannot extend it to Dodge Challengers. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2196 This was off one of those self drive automobiles. It mistook me for another car and I had to defend myself, officer. It was life or death. 1.1875 0.05196 96 83 8 5
2197 Is there among you any gentleman who for the love of his lady is willing to try with me some feat of arms? 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2198 Twas a "Duel" with Sir Dennis Weaver. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2199 It was interesting how I got this from inside the car 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2200 I'm doing performance art titled: Revenge of the "Door'ed Bicyclist" 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2201 But I was in thy horse, bike, and chariot lane! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2202 Don't worry, it was a Tesla. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2203 Mr. Musk said it has to pass every test, Officer. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2204 Breaking and entering? What a ridiculous charge! 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2205 Don't block the box. Right? 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2206 Uber driver ! 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2207 It was an old but still dangerous Pinto! 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2208 But officer, he pulled out in front of me! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2209 It’s not my fault. He was parked in the bike lane. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2210 He was parked in the jousting lane. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2211 I should have sold my used door on eBay! 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2212 I'll admit to driving under the influence of Honor. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2213 You may have an impelling case but for a start, let me see your license, registration and insurance card. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2214 I was joust kidding. He took me very seriously. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2215 Any leniency for a guy with only one horsepower? 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2216 Isn’t that adorable 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2217 My opponent was pretty fast but his shield was weak! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2218 They just won’t stay out of the jousting lane. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2219 I swear officer! He opened his door without looking. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2220 He stole my parking place. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2221 I pay your salary, and this is how I'm treated? 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2222 That'll teach the bastard to door me! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2223 I had no choice, he was going the wrong direction on a one way street 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2224 And that’ll be another ticket for an exposed weapon 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2225 Defending fair maiden bikers everywhere! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2226 Well, I didn't get "doored". 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2227 What else could I do? Turning left was my first choice! 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2228 ...as long as you write on the ticket I won the joust 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2229 It looked like a windmill to me. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2230 Honest, officer, I just drove down for the afternoon from Connecticut to see the Yankees game when I was brutally assaulted by an empty Tesla driving in autopilot mode. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2231 It was a Lancer, Sir. 1.1856 0.04230 97 80 16 1
2232 Fie on your ticket Sir, but the Damsel, she is still mine. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2233 I'm making a citizen's arrest. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2234 It was a hit-ith and run-ith, my dear constable. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2235 Your police cruiser is a Ford Crown Victoria, and you say I'm the one who is out of date. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2236 Officer, you can see clearly I was NOT at fault because he opened his car door against the flow of traffic 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2237 ‘Thanks for the commendation, Officer, it just won me 1st Place at Pitch In, Pick Up Day at Central Park.” 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2238 I am the road side assistance." 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2239 He tried to run me down in a '73 Lancer. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2240 I plead the second, officer. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2241 Not my fault—I was doored. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2242 Lance, I dunno how you do it. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2243 Officer, I was just trying to make a U turn. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2244 It’s all fun and games until someone loses a car door. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2245 Can you please send me the ticket by raven? 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2246 It's an expressionist piece. How do you not see that? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2247 Well you’ve made your POINT, but it’s gonna cost you. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2248 I needed a taxi. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2249 I was just trying to help mute the TV in the back of the taxi. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2250 Lucky he wasn't wearing a seat belt. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2251 But Elon Musk promised it wouldn't go through. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2252 I don’t understand why I’m the one getting the ticket when he was the one illegally parked. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2253 Your horse and I would both like to know what the hell your doing? 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2254 That was clearly a Mustang, officer. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2255 But officer, they were parked in the jousting lane! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2256 And what if I don't put down the car door? Do you really think you're in any position to defy me? 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2257 These things can happen when you don't use your turn signals. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2258 Yes officer, unfortunately I’ve impaled my foes mustang. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2259 He shall 'door' no more 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2260 It was from a Pierce Arrow that challenged me. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2261 It's not my fault my opponent didn't think to bring a lance. 1.1828 0.04030 93 76 17 0
2262 Question me not jester! It's my spoils of victory!! 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2263 Officer, I was in a clearly marked joust lane. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2264 When I carry my lance, I always have the right of way. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2265 He lost the joust. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2266 Sorry officer, I got carried away. The man in the iron horse stole my parking space. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2267 I was just helping Mr Musk testing the new Tesla model 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2268 'Tis not a violation good sir, I've merely redefined what '92 Ford Probe means. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2269 But Sir, 'twas you opened the door afore looking... 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2270 No my good man, it's Preuilly with two l's".. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2271 They just don’t think to check the bike lane. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2272 It's self defense. It's a Jaguar! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2273 Prithee sir, where ist thy city’s e-recycling center? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2274 But officer, I can explain. I just came from a new Tesla truck bulletproof test. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2275 Officer, that metal dragon was attacking me" 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2276 Lane splitting. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2277 I hope that's a ticket to ride. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2278 Will the rest of the car be at the impound lot or must I travel across the Hudson? 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2279 'Twas the strangest Charger that e'er have I seen! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2280 It was an Uber and my horse was jealous. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2281 Not another jousting ticket, if you please, Sire! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2282 Could you also include in your report that now I have more horsepower? 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2283 But officer, it's a Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2284 One step towards the crucial defense of the bike lane! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2285 I am not your knight in shining armor! 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2286 Don’t joust and drive. It’s the law. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2287 So this was the door to the future! 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2288 I looked at the window and thought I saw a horse charging at me. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2289 I couldn't help it. It was a Dodge Charger! 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2290 It is within my rights to not roll down the window, officer. 1.1828 0.05501 93 82 5 6
2291 It's a pennant from the Fair Lady of Double Park. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2292 It seems that on my perilous quest to saving a princess, traffic laws and policemen are the greatest danger 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2293 I locked my keys in my car and this was the closest thing to a coat hanger I could find. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2294 Is attempted car-door yakitori a crime? 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2295 I'm tired of jostling for space in the bike lane. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2296 This is what I think of modern life. Ticket or no ticket, my horse and I stand by our principles. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2297 My liege I do swear it hath power of 120 steed. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2298 I was in the right lane, not going too fast, and she just opened the door. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2299 My quest was to defeat a Challenger. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2300 No, no, good Sir. Thou art the nuisance. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2301 Yeah right! I suppose the Yankees play in Connecticut also. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2302 Me and Sally here have defeated 27 mustangs now. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2303 He turned left in front of me. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2304 Well, it charged me, then I responded. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2305 no harm came to the knave behind this shield, sire 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2306 You mean this isn't how one gets into these new horseless carriages? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2307 He'll say he had the right of way, but the Knights Templar do not recognize Toyota swine. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2308 Elon Musk said it was bulletproof. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2309 Sorry, Officer. I thought I was tilting at a windmill. 1.1828 0.04030 93 76 17 0
2310 Sir, you are under arrest for DWL — driving while lancing. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2311 I thought we were all supposed to work together to create a more walkable city. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2312 It was a Conquistador. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2313 Well it was a Charger, but that’s still not fighting fair. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2314 Good thing I left my bike home 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2315 I believe it was a 1523 Dragonmaster Sire. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2316 So, you thought his car was a transformer? 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2317 His gate was opened amidst the jousting lane 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2318 It was a ye Oldesmobile. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2319 In my humble defense squire, t'was parked like an absolute arse! 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2320 Hey, I was in the Joust Lane...! 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2321 We we both going for the same parking spot. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2322 No offense here. Simple, at the Renaissance Fair you learn that if something comes at you with great speed, you lance it. 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2323 Watch yourself good squire, even the dragons wear armor now. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2324 The knight is fine, but the horse wasn't so lucky!" 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2325 The sworn enemy of all things Tudor--since you ask. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2326 Is it not a 'bicycle, etc.' lane? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2327 Provides better wind protection than the visor... 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2328 The keys were locked in the car, so I gallantry offered my assistance.. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2329 That Autonomous Vehicle did not recognize me! 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2330 Normally we don’t respond to taunting. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2331 He cut me off so I Quixoted him! 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2332 It was a hit and gallop. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2333 Who brings a car to a Jousting fight? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2334 They just don’t make them like they used to 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2335 The Renaissance Festival does not allow double parking. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2336 I beg your pardon, constable, but I was familiar only with the prohibition of tilting at windmills. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2337 It wasn't my fault..I told him to get off his phone, but he didn't listen. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2338 Well sorry, but the car was parked in the jousting lane. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2339 jil 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2340 Sir, I'm a licensed troopadoor 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2341 Hey, if this town had a windmill or two, things like this woudn't happen! 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2342 What?! It was just a Kia Soul! 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2343 You gotta tell me where to get one of those swords. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2344 Does this mean a point on my license? 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2345 Fair fight. Your police car was a Mustang, right? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2346 You may call me Sir Mayhem. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2347 Humorously enough, it's from a 2017 Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
2348 It was self-defense, officer. I thought he was going to "door me". 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2349 No, you can’t finish your shish kabob. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2350 No contest, sir: it was a driverless car. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2351 I checked and it was speeding 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2352 When is door, not a door?" you might ask 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2353 He was in the wrong lane. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2354 I thought it was a Nerf lance. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2355 Shiska-door! 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2356 Yes, that's correct, officer. My last name is Petard. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2357 Hold still, mate! 1.1778 0.05377 90 79 6 5
2358 Thy rod and thy staff comfort me. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2359 He tried to take my parking spot... 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2360 It was a Dodge charger. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2361 I think you should write the driver of the car a ticket for Failure to Observe an Active Jousting Lane.” 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2362 Do you have any idea how difficult it is to book a good joust in Manhattan? 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2363 I thought it was a pitard. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2364 I dunno, I was in my lane minding my own business when ... 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2365 Then he said he had more horsepower. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2366 I swear it was self-defense! 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2367 I suppose I should have let him door me? 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2368 Forsooth, I am but avenging the grievous injury inflicted upon my faithful knave, Squire Raleigh Trek of Schwinn. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2369 It all started when he bragged about his car having much more horsepower... 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
2370 It was a Mustang,sir. I promise. 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2371 Not my fault,officer, he was double parked! 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2372 My key is in my other cloak 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2373 It's my heritage -- I'm an Impala-er! 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2374 Well, back home we drive on the left. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2375 I am enforcing a restraining order from Lady Dulcinea, sorry... 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2376 Where’s your license? 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2377 What was she thinking opening her door into the jousting lane without looking? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2378 Back seat driver, Officer. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2379 Officer, I saw a Mustang coming toward me... 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2380 It was self-defense. It was a Lancer. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2381 Since when is it a crime for a knight to disable a dragon's wing? 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
2382 I honestly didn't think this prop lance would go through your door officer. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2383 Yes, officer, the sign said "No mustangs, only javelins" 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2384 Who told him to bring a Volkswagon to a jousting match? 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2385 I got a little carried away testing the airbags. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2386 He was coming right at me, Officer. What else could I do? 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2387 That’s not what I meant when I said I was tilting at the time of the accident. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2388 Officer, I think you'll find that this is covered under the Lemon Law. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2389 The last name is spelled L-A-N-C-A-S-T-E-R and yes, I have slain the filthy Tudor 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2390 It was self defense constable. The door swung into my path and I had but a moment to react. 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2391 But officer, I thought it was a windmill. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2392 By my troth, I smell bacon. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2393 I lance...a lot. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2394 You said everybody HAS to pitch in to cut down on speeders. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2395 Joust a mistake, officer. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2396 Then my wife said it was time to leave the Renaissance Faire, so I did what any good knight would do - I jousted her for it. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2397 My toughest competitor was a Checker cab -- but when he got pushy, I showed him the door! 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2398 Sorry, Sancho lied and said it was a possible dream. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2399 It was clearly in the No Joisting lane. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2400 It was a Ford Varlet. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2401 My dad told me to "wing it"! 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2402 Twas a varlet in the non-automobile lane. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2403 The peppers and onions fell off. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2404 Alright, Lance, what's your last name? 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2405 Finally, that creature, the Tesla Cybertruck, in no more. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2406 Stop and joust? 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2407 The guy said corporations paid for catalytic converters, and I just snapped. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2408 I think the bar wench put something in my goblet. I don't usually tilt at windshields. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2409 You should see the OTHER guy's door! 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2410 Officer, I was not drinking underaged, just Middle-Aged. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2411 I'm not the one who parked his car in a jousting zone. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2412 See, those taxi drivers are trying to block our new business model 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2413 Classic hit and run...I hit, he ran! 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2414 I think it's probably best that I missed the target." 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2415 Listen, the guy just came out of nowhere. I turned to joust, and ... bam! 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2416 It's not illegal where I come from, my dear Constable. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2417 Not another one of these climate crusaders. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2418 I was acting under orders from the king - honest! 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2419 The varlet opened into moving traffic. 1.1724 0.04073 87 72 15 0
2420 Oh Impala...I though you said Impaler 1.1724 0.04073 87 72 15 0
2421 I don’t share the road! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2422 Officer, I took care of the driver's road rage! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2423 I didn't realize police bias now extends to neo-Luddites. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2424 What is this no-fault of which you speak? 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2425 ‘Lead the way to the barbecue pit, knave.’ 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2426 whatever it is, I'm sure it's illegal 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2427 I really didn't expect them to open the door that wide. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2428 I was Hail Hail Hailing a taxi 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2429 Zounds, and they said the age of Chevrolet was dead! 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2430 I’m afraid failure to yield is not a defense in this case. 1.1724 0.05223 87 76 7 4
2431 Just what year did you say your Checker cab is? 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2432 Sir Pierce-a-door, I presume. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2433 Surely, thou knowest, I had the right of way. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2434 I joust you not! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2435 The idiot met a left turn right into my lance 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2436 "Officer is there any way you could roll the window down this suit is getting hot?'' 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2437 I yield for no man or machine! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2438 Fear not, good sir, for I have slain the metal beast! 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2439 I wasn’t even going that fast. This ride is only one horsepower. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2440 He didn't signal. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2441 Well they said it was a lancer. Shouldn't it have dodged? 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2442 It was a duel to the death. Unfortunately,my spear caught the wing of his stupid creature as he was escaping, 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2443 I have slain the smoke belching Hyundai. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2444 I think the scofflaw will be easy to apprehend. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2445 I believe it was a Dodge Challenger. 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2446 This is strictly between Uber and me, Officer 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2447 How long is this gonna take? Are you entering a caption for the New Yorker too? 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2448 You say it was a Pierce Arrow? 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2449 We're knights of the round table, we'll drink whenever we're able. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2450 I found it at the prick n pull. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2451 I'm hardly worthy of a citation, m'Lord. The brute was parked. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2452 This is what happens when cars go into the jousting lane. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2453 Well, I guess the Knight Rider was doomed to lose eventually 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2454 Let me guess, dinner at Mid Evil Times again last night. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2455 I was just driving through. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2456 Illegal use of the bus lane? That's all you've got? 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2457 See? Not everything from my past is checkered. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2458 Honestly, I didn't think that a horse could get up to 88 miles per hour, especially with one horsepower. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2459 I didn’t have time to react. He opened it right onto the bike lane. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2460 I think it’s a 1978 Lancer. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2461 A New Choice of Armor 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2462 I see a car below 72nd St, it's fair game! 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2463 I won 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2464 But I did signal before I turned... 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2465 I am just so tired of being doored! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2466 I fight at behest of the LeBaron 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2467 Please, try not to speed next time. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2468 He boasted it had 350 horse power 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2469 Pray thee, kind sheriff, leniency, for ‘twas only a much-used Ford Fiesta. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2470 But Officer, Mr. Musk insisted it was “medieval proof”! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2471 I thought alternate side jousting was still in effect. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2472 Whoops....sorry... 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2473 He said he was the knight rider and his steed was named Kitt 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2474 As a Knight of the Checkered Order I am duty bound to fight all Uber's and Share-rides. 1.1705 0.05414 88 78 5 5
2475 I thought I'd gotten to the heart of the problem. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2476 But he doth merged sans signal. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2477 I guess now they have really seen a thing or two! 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2478 I'm afraid Knight takes Door just isn't in the rules. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2479 I've been having trouble with time travel, lately. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2480 The front door sticks. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2481 I just got sick and tired of getting 'doored' on my bike. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2482 If it moves, It dies" ... "I see 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2483 Surely you’re jousting. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2484 It was a paid demo for the Cybertruck to show that the doors couldn't be breached. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2485 'Twas a fair fight-The steel steed flapped his wing and paid the price. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2486 I am on a noble mission to chastise an errant Uber Driver 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2487 Officer,a just society cannot tolerate double parking. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2488 There you have it, my recipe for driving-jerk-kebab. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2489 Had I'd known it was not a joust then I would have pulled over! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2490 What can I tell you, my ride is self driving. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2491 ‘Twas she who ran the light! 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2492 Sir Lancador, is it? 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2493 The Medieval Times are to your right. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2494 Then you tell me what the Joust Lane is for. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2495 He was in the horse lane, officer! 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2496 I thought it was a Dodge, but apparently not. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2497 R.I.P., chivalry. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2498 This is what happens when you take a 25mph off ramp at 50. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2499 'Knight of the road you say?' 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2500 I rushed over as soon as I heard the Amber alert. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2501 I was aiming for a scooter and missed. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2502 It was an accident. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2503 This jerk was double-parked! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2504 They play a strange game, but I won! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2505 It's our version of the Boot. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2506 Sir, this brief case is full of pens, hence I have proven that the pen is not mightier than the sword! 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2507 But he charged thee first! 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2508 They didn’t use their turn signal. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2509 I know I come from a checkered past,but he was asking for it. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2510 This is the passenger side door. The driver got away. 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2511 It's Knight time! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2512 The Horsepower on this thing is insane. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2513 Road rage meets Renaissance Fair, I guess. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2514 They don't make cars like they used to. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2515 They locked their keys in the car?—surely you jest! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2516 He said it was the only doorway to heaven so I bought it 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2517 My autopilot stopped working. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2518 I'm trying to make a point about bike lanes. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2519 Impaling Traffic?" Since when has that been a violation? 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2520 This is called a partial "HANGING CHASSIS." 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2521 Officer, he opened the door into the chariot lane. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2522 He said Charger. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2523 I believe I had the right of way, officer! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2524 Where's the Crusade? 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2525 All I know is it had a lot of horse power. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2526 That's a 10 shilling fine for not using a tourney lance. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2527 You can't mechanize the past. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2528 It's Sunday. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2529 I needed to defend the honor of my lane 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2530 Drop your weapon, get off your horse, and show me your drivers license. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2531 they don't call me Sir Lancecarlot for nothing! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2532 Excuse me sir, I believe this is 2019! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2533 Can we just say I slew a gas guzzler and let me off with a warning? 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2534 But officer, I was clearly in the jousting lane! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2535 "It's his fault for using a shield made of fiberglass." It's hi 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2536 The jousting keeps me from texting. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2537 It had to be vanquished. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2538 He started it---he was mouthing off, said he had 300 horses! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2539 It's because of drivers like these that I gave up on riding my bike to work, officer. Nobody bothers to look before opening their door! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2540 But Elon said it was lanceproof. 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2541 I apologize, officer. The metal horse was charging at me. I thought its rider wanted to joust. 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2542 I'm sure it was a Charge. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2543 Verily,I did not yield 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2544 But officer, they told me it was a Lancer. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2545 Nobody mocks my horsepower! 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2546 I'm sorry but . . . he was parked in the jousting lane. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2547 Talk to the stable. They said he comes with fully autonomous self-driving mode. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2548 It’s only legal if you impale an electric scooter. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2549 Behold! Uber-Justice has been served! The Medallions have been defeated! May side streets once again flow unabated and all that is right and good return to Midtown. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2550 The wind caught it first. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2551 YOINKS 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2552 Rush hour gets me every time! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2553 It was a Mitsubishi Lancer with the visor down that cut the light. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2554 This is what I caught spearfishing in the Hudson at knight. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2555 Battle of the ages? I call it destruction of property and theft. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2556 Victory is my insurance! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2557 He was about to make an illegal turn, sire, so I pursued. Sadly, the rest of him got away. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2558 It was a citizen’s arrest. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2559 Hang on a sec, officer. Let me roll down my window. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2560 Don't tell Elon 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2561 I think you shall find me a more worthy opponent than an unarmed black teenager. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2562 Well, officer, at least chivalry isn't dead. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2563 His lights were not on. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2564 It won't get very far, Sir Coppe -- I took one of its wings. 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2565 I just found this thing in the alley, officer. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2566 Hey, I had the right of way! 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2567 I'll need to see your knighthood registration and insurance card, Sir. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2568 Look, I don’t care if you signaled or not. Road rage is still road rage, no matter the century. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2569 The Tesla charged first. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2570 I have slain the beast...it's a chevy! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2571 This is all that was left of the self-driving horse. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2572 I'll have to write you up for riding in the bike lane. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2573 In my defense, he was driving a Mustang. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2574 You should see the windmill 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2575 Officer, I admit I was mad when the Uber driver said he would meet me at the moat and then was late. 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2576 They really have to remake Monty Python and the Holy Grale too, huh? 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2577 Methinks it's plastic. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2578 Sorry officer - I have no idea what I've got on my sword - it's definitely not a steak but maybe cartoonist can give us a hint! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2579 Officer, I have a PBA card. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2580 Uber schmoober 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2581 'In my defense officer, this talking car also claimed to be a Knight Rider' 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2582 They don’t make armored cars like they used to. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2583 Sorry,Officer. I saw the word Rogue on the back and I guess I just saw red there for a moment. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2584 Thou hast attempted to door me and now this? 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2585 I was only signaling a ..”Right Turn.” 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2586 Doored 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2587 You are right, there is no parking in the jousting lane. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2588 Pokémon, rides again❗️ 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2589 You see officer, Back in my day... 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2590 I couldn't take the greenwashing of Toyota, GM, and Fiat Chrysler anymore. They pretend to care about climate change, and then support removing California’s legal authority to set tougher greenhouse gas emissions standards for cars. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2591 I was at full speed when the traffic light turned red. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2592 I don't know how it got there Officer". 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2593 Forthwith I have come from the 12th century to champion Kings, Maidens and Checkered Cabs, good sir. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2594 No sir, I do not have insurance 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2595 I was playing with the driver of a Mustang. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2596 I swear I had green light 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2597 Hey Quixote - We don't spear Mazdas in this town..... Now get off your ass and step away from the lance! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2598 Just a Tesla...I am for true horse power! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2599 Scout gets cocky when she sees a Dodge Charger. 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2600 'It was an unprovoked parking lot thwacking" 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2601 Offîcer, I believe this door is from an AMC. javelin! 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2602 We were going through the drive thru for a burger and the guy in front of us wanted to know if we had a tooth pick. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2603 Sir, you can’t joust in a fire lane 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2604 Me and my buddy Chad are LARPers, see, and we just took up jousting 'cuz its so therapeutic, but one thing led to another and now I'm here. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2605 I'm just looking for the rest of the car. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2606 Driver's side front door, yep, that"s a $250 ticket 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2607 In my defense, he had a really weird-looking horse." 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2608 'Yon varlot tethered his steed in a bike lane' 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2609 Will this ticket affect my Uber application? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2610 Someone said, Hail a cab. So I did. And after I yelled Hail!, it came right towards me, and then, well, this. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2611 Do you realize how hard it is to take this out of the car? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2612 To be doored, or not to be doored 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2613 I say I point them out and you give them a ticket now ... 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2614 I'm sorry, Officer, but they just don't make gauntlet-friendly car doors these days. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2615 I'm sorry officer, but he kept saying his mustang was better than mine. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2616 Hey, he opened his door right into the horse lane. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2617 Now I understand why cyclists are so nervous around parked cars. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2618 The king’s new valet ? I see your point. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2619 You’re being charged with jousting on the wrong side of the road, freelancing without a license, horseback riding under the influence, not wearing a seatbelt and possibly grand theft auto.... for taking the door 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2620 you are hereby summoned to King Arthur's traffic court tomorrow a.m. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2621 Well, he charged me on his Mustang... 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2622 I was only defending myself from the other knight and his mighty Mustang. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2623 It was a Charger officer. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2624 It was a Lancer... 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2625 The other guy said he was going to blow my doors off. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2626 But officer, the damsel locked her keys in her car. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2627 I don’t know about that whirling vortex thing but I’ll let you off with a warning this time. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2628 Next time just book a taxi online. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2629 Skewer you too copper. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2630 They were bragging about having more horsepower than I. 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2631 ‘Tis a fair joust, he charge at me on the FDR 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2632 These damn drive less cars. It was coming right at me! 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2633 On the weekends , I'm a cyclist . 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2634 I guess it would be futile to try to convince you that I was not involved in a 'hit and run'? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2635 My wife asked me to pick something up on my way home. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2636 I’m your medieval 10th cousin! I’ve been looking for you! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2637 I think that you were supposed to conquer..not car door 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2638 No, how fast was I going, Officer Krumpke? 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2639 Today is Black Friday doorbuster" 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2640 He was speeding 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2641 Looks like a slam dunk for a 'dooring' incident. The bloke in the parked car just opened his door as I galloped past. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2642 And a very Good Morrow to you sirrah! 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2643 Sir, this Door is your Holy Grail, although not that holieth and not that graileth. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2644 Medieval Road Rage The cab ran a red light....surely you joust I suggested. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2645 Chevy really is not dead. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2646 He made a right turn in front of me. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2647 Elon Musk told me to do it.. 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2648 I'll return with driver soon. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2649 The monster that openeth into the jousting lane without looking hath not been vanquished, but merely wounded. The VIN is there. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2650 That shall show him who has the most horsepower. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2651 I was barely trotting and it came out of nowhere. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2652 Forsooth Sheriff, after defeating Lord "Checker-Cab" as he traveled by himself alone, in the HOV lane, he finally yielded, and thus my family's honor was restored. Huzzah! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2653 where shall i returneth this medieval door? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2654 They should know not to park in the jousting lane. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2655 Even if it was a windmill I would still be booking you 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2656 Jot this down rook. A car door won’t stop a lance it won’t stop any hot lead flying at your dome piece. That’s how you get your vibe checked. Yeet! 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2657 Why am I getting a ticket if they were parked in the joust lane? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2658 Officer, he did take my spot. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2659 Is there indeed a law against jousting in the bike lane? 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2660 You're still not allowed to park here. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2661 He was going forty in a 25-mile zone. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2662 Did you the get a nice sketch of us? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2663 But Officer, you should've seen the way he was looking at me when he got out of the car. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2664 I’m ready for whatever comes down the pike. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2665 At least he won't forget to buckle now. 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2666 I’m protesting the ending of Game of Thrones. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2667 The last time we raced he blew my doors off. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2668 And your home address? 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2669 I saved a dog in an overheated car while strictly observing the speed limit. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
2670 It was joust a little misunderstanding, officer. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2671 I thought that I was in the wrong century. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2672 He said it was a vintage Javelin. I said a vintage Lancer could beat that. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2673 I have an obsession with tilting at Windstars. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2674 Haven’t seen you around town before, you new on the ‘knight’ shift? Ha ha, get it? But seriously, my probation officer said one more strike and I’m going to jail. Please bro, have a fucking heart, I’m begging you. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2675 I missed him by THAT much. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2676 Violets are blue. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2677 It's not my fault that he opened his door just as I was passing! 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
2678 I wasn't jousting. It really did happen the way I said it did. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2679 The Jester almost “footed”me steed. A mounted cop would understand. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2680 Just say "1hp, 1 door Mustang" and let me be on my way. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2681 Adoorable! 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2682 It's not my fault, officer. The human was horsing around. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2683 I don't know what that is, I stepped into a time machine. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2684 But officer it was a case of self-defense. It was a Dodge Charger. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
2685 Epstein didn't kill himself. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2686 I lost my keys. 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
2687 Well Sir, from your description it sounds like you got stuck in a DeLorean. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
2688 That's right. My name is Lance. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2689 I couldn't find a windmill to tilt with 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2690 Sir Insurance 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2691 But officer, it's only the door ... not a full kebab offense." 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2692 The Christmas Parade went off the rails. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2693 Thou hath the right to remain silent 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2694 Is this what your generation calls door busters? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2695 The rest of it turned into a pumpkin. 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2696 Can I keep what I catch? 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2697 What--you've never been invited to a car-B-que before? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2698 But there was no one riding this strange horse which charged me." 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2699 This was the Raptor, you should have seen what I did to the Ram. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2700 To be fair, there is no jousting lane. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2701 Verily, just a scoundrel who labeled himself "Regal." 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2702 Does your horse have insurance? 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2703 Yes officer...but when the door opened it was partly on 14th street" 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2704 Yes sir, I ran headlong into an open UFO 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2705 Quixote now supports renewable energy. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2706 I took care of charging the other driver, officer. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2707 That Mustang was coming right at me. I swear! 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2708 Thee shall suffer dearly whence double parked fore Round Table Pizza. 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2709 Ye are charging me with “lance and gallop”? 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2710 It was the only rental with no airbags, so I had to improvise. 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2711 I am a knight of the roundabout. You may call me Mitsubishi Lancer. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2712 Before you charge me, please explain how my steed mounted a charge from inside the vehicle. 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2713 No, my name is not Don Quixote." Michael Sivak, Ann Arbor, M 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2714 As promised, no fingerprints. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2715 Sir knight, they don't make armor now like they used to. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2716 So when the Charger refused to give way... 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2717 Columbus Circle was supposed to be conflict-free. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2718 Your shield was very ineffective, sir. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2719 I had to, officer, he was in my lane. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2720 They should have parked inside the moat! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2721 He tried to dodge cause he was a challenger ! 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2722 That was no Dodge 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2723 In my defense it was a Lancia 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2724 He cheats! His Charger is armored and weareth a seatbelt! 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2725 So much for Sir Dodge Dart. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2726 It’s not my fault! He opened his directly into the jousting lane without even looking! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2727 When I raised my visor you were supposed to open your window. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2728 Blame the driver, not the lance! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2729 She had the right of way? But women have no rights! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2730 Well Mr Knight we can write this up as a violation of chess rules, It’s a sure Touch Move 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2731 My steed wins every race, but that blockhead refused to decrease his horsepower and let us pass." 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
2732 It's not our fault. We were in the crosswalk 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2733 Chevrolet is dead. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2734 Suddenly the other steed's armour just opened up! 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2735 Verily, sirrah, the scoundrel would not yield. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2736 It’s Tesla’s Cybertruck. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2737 Listen, you really gotta talk to Elon. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2738 The car was blocking the crosswalk 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2739 He was the one who side-lanced me. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2740 Trust me, I'm never doing popcorn for dinner again. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2741 An oxymoron if I ever saw one. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2742 Did you get the license plate number? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2743 It was just in joust, officer. 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
2744 He challenged my honor, officer. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2745 I had no choice. It was a '66 Dodge Charger! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2746 i lost my car keys 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2747 He said his name was Michael Knight. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2748 I've got a 681: A hit and gallop. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2749 But Officer, I was in the Pike Lane 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2750 To be fair... Lancer does sound a lot like Lancelot. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2751 He deserved it officer, he stole my parking spot! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2752 My apologies. In my haste to procure the parking space, I mistook my apparent foe to be an armored car. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2753 Your right officer but he challenged me to a joust. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
2754 That'll teach them to call me 'Lance in his Pants!' 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2