These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.
Name | Value |
---|---|
Submission deadline | 2019-12-02T02:32:00.000Z |
Voting started | - |
Voting ended | 2019-12-16T02:34:00.000Z |
Finalists announced | 2019-12-10T02:33:00.000Z |
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued | December 16, 2019 |
Number of captions | 4065 |
Number of responses | 795757 |
Number of participants | - |
In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.
Rank | Caption | Mean | Precision | Total votes | "Unfunny" votes | "Somewhat funny" votes | "Funny" votes |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0 | It prints out his tweets. All the new uniforms have them. | 2.1800 | 0.00643 | 14848 | 3456 | 5263 | 6129 |
1 | You can't imagine what it's like to have someone stare at your chest and never look you in the eye. | 2.0432 | 0.00700 | 13068 | 3908 | 4688 | 4472 |
2 | And this, I’m proudest of: a list of all the names the President has called me. | 2.0157 | 0.00696 | 12638 | 3770 | 4899 | 3969 |
3 | After the budget cuts we only get a list of the medals | 1.9659 | 0.00754 | 10518 | 3331 | 4215 | 2972 |
4 | I was stationed at CVS during the War on Drugs. | 1.9366 | 0.01132 | 5347 | 2012 | 1662 | 1673 |
5 | That, madam, is the price of freedom. | 1.9310 | 0.00778 | 10787 | 3917 | 3697 | 3173 |
6 | I got the blue one in Kosovo, and the long white one at Costco | 1.9129 | 0.00921 | 7312 | 2615 | 2719 | 1978 |
7 | It’s the Paper Heart for bureaucratic valor. | 1.9042 | 0.00829 | 9188 | 3383 | 3302 | 2503 |
8 | Oh this? It’s a list of all the bosses I’ve had since Trump became President. | 1.8649 | 0.00817 | 9365 | 3642 | 3346 | 2377 |
9 | Wait, if my grocery list is here, I must have left the nuclear codes in my cart. | 1.8647 | 0.00820 | 9742 | 3942 | 3176 | 2624 |
10 | Hopefully soon, China will start making our medals again. | 1.8438 | 0.01000 | 6082 | 2397 | 2238 | 1447 |
11 | Yes, it's a receipt. I'm General Store. | 1.8259 | 0.01297 | 3842 | 1634 | 1243 | 965 |
12 | I was in the merchant marines. | 1.8160 | 0.00824 | 8965 | 3705 | 3205 | 2055 |
13 | Everybody has a price, but not everybody offers a detailed invoice. | 1.8128 | 0.00815 | 8804 | 3550 | 3352 | 1902 |
14 | This is a list of things I can’t comment on. | 1.7856 | 0.01261 | 3564 | 1474 | 1380 | 710 |
15 | Live tweets. He likes your dress. | 1.7622 | 0.00942 | 6745 | 3010 | 2329 | 1406 |
16 | We think it's always important to have a paper trail. | 1.7538 | 0.01162 | 4001 | 1694 | 1598 | 709 |
17 | I print out the Commander-In-Chief's tweets on toilet paper so I can properly deploy them. | 1.7460 | 0.01274 | 4134 | 2044 | 1096 | 994 |
18 | That's the list of subpoenas I've been ordered to ignore. | 1.7407 | 0.01195 | 4104 | 1873 | 1422 | 809 |
19 | Yes, I do know how much this war is going to cost us. | 1.7335 | 0.00879 | 6987 | 3065 | 2719 | 1203 |
20 | My resignation speech in case I'm overcome with moral courage. | 1.7227 | 0.01240 | 3916 | 1873 | 1256 | 787 |
21 | The medals are for kicking ass. The paper is for taking names. | 1.7223 | 0.01161 | 4343 | 2042 | 1465 | 836 |
22 | They're for valor, loyalty, courage, and my wife's to dos. | 1.6997 | 0.01007 | 5311 | 2466 | 1974 | 871 |
23 | That one is for fighting high prices. | 1.6949 | 0.00783 | 10142 | 5202 | 2845 | 2095 |
24 | Came with the Uniform. It says "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law." | 1.6917 | 0.01081 | 5038 | 2499 | 1593 | 946 |
25 | It was quid pro quo. I have the receipts. | 1.6882 | 0.01086 | 4866 | 2390 | 1603 | 873 |
26 | And at the end of my service, I received an honorable surcharge | 1.6877 | 0.01110 | 4355 | 2060 | 1595 | 700 |
27 | No, not Kosovo. Costco. | 1.6871 | 0.01069 | 4755 | 2276 | 1694 | 785 |
28 | Dear,when I said wear the President's insults as a badge of honor,I didn't mean literally. | 1.6834 | 0.01271 | 3670 | 1853 | 1126 | 691 |
29 | And I got red tape coming out of my ass | 1.6780 | 0.01333 | 3603 | 1919 | 925 | 759 |
30 | My allowed responses to questions from the President. | 1.6765 | 0.01118 | 4281 | 2062 | 1542 | 677 |
31 | To make things easier, it's a list of topics the White House prohibits me from discussing. | 1.6691 | 0.00988 | 5407 | 2626 | 1948 | 833 |
32 | The medals are for service to my country. The receipt is for selling out my country to Donald Trump. | 1.6587 | 0.01448 | 2912 | 1555 | 796 | 561 |
33 | Pardon me sir but your slip is showing. | 1.6551 | 0.01503 | 2604 | 1369 | 764 | 471 |
34 | Please read and initial the consent form and I'll buy you a drink. | 1.6515 | 0.01209 | 3747 | 1907 | 1239 | 601 |
35 | The top one means I qualify as a 4-star general. The bottom one means I qualify for a free caramel macchiato at Starbucks. | 1.6474 | 0.01260 | 3383 | 1715 | 1146 | 522 |
36 | It's proof I'm a survivor - a list of all the Trump officials who resigned before me. | 1.6322 | 0.01181 | 3896 | 2038 | 1253 | 605 |
37 | It's a running tab — on what that damned wall is costing us. | 1.6292 | 0.01264 | 3363 | 1758 | 1094 | 511 |
38 | I need that to keep track of the President’s positions on foreign policy | 1.6283 | 0.01412 | 2852 | 1537 | 838 | 477 |
39 | That's just his tweets since I got here. | 1.6200 | 0.01737 | 1829 | 984 | 556 | 289 |
40 | This? It’s because the Army ran out of Purple Hearts and just gave me a receipt for my left arm. | 1.6194 | 0.01416 | 2877 | 1585 | 802 | 490 |
41 | My eyes are up here. | 1.6176 | 0.01405 | 2751 | 1474 | 855 | 422 |
42 | I served in Black Friday. | 1.6129 | 0.01352 | 2940 | 1579 | 920 | 441 |
43 | Until Congress passes a budget, we are running a tab | 1.6106 | 0.01450 | 2396 | 1251 | 827 | 318 |
44 | I have trouble remembering the launch codes | 1.5976 | 0.01821 | 1613 | 886 | 490 | 237 |
45 | That one's the Presidential Medal of Forced Resignation. | 1.5968 | 0.01512 | 2386 | 1325 | 698 | 363 |
46 | Please do not push any more of them. | 1.5849 | 0.01592 | 2238 | 1292 | 583 | 363 |
47 | They're notes for my testimony, resignation letter, book draft, and media interviews. | 1.5803 | 0.01371 | 2666 | 1462 | 861 | 343 |
48 | Excuse me, I appear to have a fax coming in. | 1.5772 | 0.01534 | 2228 | 1254 | 662 | 312 |
49 | I served in the Grocery Isles. | 1.5769 | 0.01383 | 2815 | 1605 | 796 | 414 |
50 | Yes ma'am, decorated for distinguished service by both C.I.A. and CVS. | 1.5748 | 0.01392 | 2702 | 1526 | 799 | 377 |
51 | I may be a general in the army but at home I'm just a guy who picks up a few things at the store. | 1.5717 | 0.01915 | 1284 | 695 | 444 | 145 |
52 | That's a list of the medals I think I deserve. | 1.5643 | 0.01582 | 2015 | 1138 | 617 | 260 |
53 | To be precise, ma'am, freedom costs $686,175,309.43 | 1.5636 | 0.01856 | 1446 | 813 | 451 | 182 |
54 | And in addition to the medals, I have 27 Presidential tweets." | 1.5598 | 0.01547 | 2058 | 1159 | 646 | 253 |
55 | It’s your receipt for buying my whole line of crap. | 1.5597 | 0.01730 | 1985 | 1219 | 421 | 345 |
56 | He asked for a favor, pinned the list on me and left! | 1.5541 | 0.02070 | 1182 | 680 | 349 | 153 |
57 | I did three tours in Afghanistan and one Black Friday at Target. | 1.5516 | 0.01606 | 1860 | 1050 | 594 | 216 |
58 | ... just things I need to get off my chest! | 1.5501 | 0.02227 | 978 | 556 | 306 | 116 |
59 | Only MacArthur could get away with I shall return and not have a receipt. | 1.5485 | 0.02157 | 1092 | 635 | 315 | 142 |
60 | You can call me Bill. | 1.5470 | 0.02184 | 1064 | 620 | 306 | 138 |
61 | I got that one during a price war. | 1.5463 | 0.02152 | 1025 | 581 | 328 | 116 |
62 | I was wounded at the battle of CVS. | 1.5458 | 0.01730 | 1779 | 1061 | 465 | 253 |
63 | Dunno - not my jacket. | 1.5451 | 0.01826 | 1675 | 1022 | 393 | 260 |
64 | A list of questions my Commander In Chief has ordered me not to answer. | 1.5438 | 0.01708 | 1723 | 1005 | 499 | 219 |
65 | For receiving tweets under fire | 1.5369 | 0.01856 | 1490 | 887 | 406 | 197 |
66 | It's a record of everything I said in case I'm ever called to a congressional hearing. | 1.5345 | 0.01751 | 1491 | 849 | 487 | 155 |
67 | Lockheed won't take back the F-35 without a receipt. | 1.5341 | 0.01828 | 1451 | 847 | 433 | 171 |
68 | I told you not to push that button. | 1.5266 | 0.01932 | 1280 | 752 | 382 | 146 |
69 | This one says you’re a ‘Dollar General’? | 1.5253 | 0.01945 | 1323 | 794 | 363 | 166 |
70 | That's a medal for reducing paper waste. | 1.5248 | 0.01893 | 1313 | 769 | 399 | 145 |
71 | The survey is circled at the bottom. And, I'd really appreciate receiving a five-star general rating. | 1.5243 | 0.02162 | 1070 | 643 | 293 | 134 |
72 | Some from Vietnam, to remember courage under fire. Others from my wife, to remember coleslaw and butter. | 1.5229 | 0.02003 | 1247 | 751 | 340 | 156 |
73 | It's my Yellow Ribbon, listing all the times I should have resigned on principle and didn't. | 1.5227 | 0.02008 | 1253 | 758 | 335 | 160 |
74 | Our commendations now include the number of times we’ve stayed at a Trump resort. | 1.5221 | 0.01977 | 1266 | 760 | 351 | 155 |
75 | He makes us display a list of everything we have done for Putin lately. | 1.5192 | 0.02061 | 1198 | 731 | 312 | 155 |
76 | My new rank is Dollar General. | 1.5159 | 0.02172 | 1037 | 626 | 287 | 124 |
77 | We are now supposed to leave a paper trail. | 1.5145 | 0.02037 | 1137 | 678 | 333 | 126 |
78 | Oh, I didn’t realize when your bought and paid for by a political party you get a receipt. | 1.5125 | 0.02179 | 1083 | 671 | 269 | 143 |
79 | Obliterated first dates. If you see your name, ADIOS. | 1.5069 | 0.02528 | 945 | 633 | 145 | 167 |
80 | It's the Commander-in-Chief's way of reminding us that we can be returned and exchanged at any time. | 1.5056 | 0.02204 | 987 | 601 | 273 | 113 |
81 | I've paid my dues. | 1.5044 | 0.02201 | 908 | 536 | 286 | 86 |
82 | It's my Purple Heart monitor. | 1.5041 | 0.02269 | 968 | 600 | 248 | 120 |
83 | They’re launch codes. I keep forgetting them. | 1.5036 | 0.02248 | 983 | 609 | 253 | 121 |
84 | Yes, they’re the nuclear codes. I figure I better keep them handy since he’s already given them to Putin and Kim Jong-un. | 1.5031 | 0.02338 | 956 | 605 | 221 | 130 |
85 | I fought in the trade war. | 1.5031 | 0.02177 | 970 | 591 | 273 | 106 |
86 | That one's from my wife. I have to stop at the store on the way home. | 1.5021 | 0.02203 | 960 | 589 | 263 | 108 |
87 | And don’t forget your transcript of this conversation. | 1.5017 | 0.02409 | 879 | 552 | 213 | 114 |
88 | What list? There's no list. | 1.5016 | 0.02300 | 951 | 594 | 237 | 120 |
89 | I earned that one during the Black Friday offensive. | 1.5016 | 0.02250 | 957 | 589 | 256 | 112 |
90 | You must be the father of the bride? | 1.5010 | 0.03212 | 507 | 322 | 116 | 69 |
91 | I can be bought. | 1.5005 | 0.02265 | 923 | 564 | 256 | 103 |
92 | Looks like your ticker has a tape! | 1.5005 | 0.02232 | 939 | 571 | 266 | 102 |
93 | ...Just another Pentagon snafu. I’m told a mattress company got the uniform contract. | 1.5005 | 0.02232 | 939 | 571 | 266 | 102 |
94 | Yes. I am that General Mills. | 1.4967 | 0.02353 | 896 | 561 | 225 | 110 |
95 | It's the receipt for selling my soul. All sales final. | 1.4928 | 0.02416 | 838 | 525 | 213 | 100 |
96 | It’s for the battle of CVS...there’s three feet more pinned to my back. | 1.4922 | 0.02403 | 833 | 519 | 218 | 96 |
97 | Everybody always talks about the cost of war, but never the savings! | 1.4920 | 0.02380 | 809 | 495 | 230 | 84 |
98 | I earned that for purchasing one item at CVS. | 1.4915 | 0.02472 | 826 | 525 | 196 | 105 |
99 | The classified part is unfurling down my pant leg. | 1.4908 | 0.02480 | 817 | 519 | 195 | 103 |
100 | I was dishonorably mischarged. | 1.4908 | 0.02388 | 817 | 504 | 225 | 88 |
101 | We're getting away from 'brass' and moving to something more sustainable. | 1.4905 | 0.02374 | 787 | 477 | 234 | 76 |
102 | Courage. Valor. Savings. | 1.4901 | 0.02418 | 812 | 505 | 216 | 91 |
103 | After Iraq, I served two tours in Walmart | 1.4880 | 0.02412 | 791 | 488 | 220 | 83 |
104 | Hello, my name is General Store. | 1.4867 | 0.02478 | 791 | 499 | 199 | 93 |
105 | Yes ma'am. Thirty-seven honorable mentions. | 1.4859 | 0.02336 | 782 | 471 | 242 | 69 |
106 | I was honorably discounted. | 1.4841 | 0.02434 | 754 | 463 | 217 | 74 |
107 | It's my letter of resignation. My proudest achievement. | 1.4833 | 0.02272 | 747 | 484 | 184 | 79 |
108 | A lot of good men never made it out of that drugstore. | 1.4821 | 0.02481 | 755 | 472 | 202 | 81 |
109 | It's the CVS Distinguished Service Award. | 1.4786 | 0.02541 | 725 | 457 | 189 | 79 |
110 | Groceries. She said "I'll give you a medal if you remember everything for once". | 1.4785 | 0.02379 | 721 | 463 | 183 | 75 |
111 | Oh, it’s the wages of war. | 1.4784 | 0.02480 | 719 | 444 | 206 | 69 |
112 | It’s from the budget wars. | 1.4776 | 0.02452 | 714 | 437 | 213 | 64 |
113 | Oh that, it's just General information. | 1.4767 | 0.02510 | 707 | 439 | 199 | 69 |
114 | We’re all about accountability. | 1.4759 | 0.02559 | 685 | 427 | 190 | 68 |
115 | Were you subpoenaed or are you just here for the party? | 1.4738 | 0.02671 | 669 | 428 | 165 | 76 |
116 | That one cost an arm. | 1.4736 | 0.02567 | 682 | 427 | 187 | 68 |
117 | I hate having to wear disclaimers. | 1.4716 | 0.02557 | 670 | 417 | 190 | 63 |
118 | I prefer not to wear a full medal jacket. | 1.4716 | 0.02573 | 651 | 403 | 189 | 59 |
119 | Don’t worry. Mexico is paying for it. | 1.4714 | 0.02617 | 664 | 419 | 177 | 68 |
120 | People thank me for my service, so I let them know what it costs. | 1.4654 | 0.02670 | 621 | 392 | 169 | 60 |
121 | I like to keep my list of Democratic presidential candidates up to date | 1.4653 | 0.02667 | 619 | 390 | 170 | 59 |
122 | It's a list of every day I kept myself from punching the face of that idiot draft dodging con artist currently sitting in the Oval Office. | 1.4653 | 0.02919 | 619 | 417 | 116 | 86 |
123 | Those are the subpoenas. | 1.4632 | 0.02661 | 611 | 384 | 171 | 56 |
124 | Our uniforms now print out the transcript of all conversations | 1.4632 | 0.02711 | 611 | 389 | 161 | 61 |
125 | I'm in the merchant marines. | 1.4628 | 0.02658 | 592 | 368 | 174 | 50 |
126 | No, I wasn't at Midway. It was Safeway. | 1.4628 | 0.02732 | 592 | 375 | 160 | 57 |
127 | That one's a receipt from my tour of duty at Mar-a-Lago. | 1.4620 | 0.03045 | 513 | 334 | 121 | 58 |
128 | It's the highest badge of honor...all the Presidential insults tweeted at me. | 1.4618 | 0.02887 | 602 | 400 | 126 | 76 |
129 | Nobody cares much about the medals, but they love asking about the receipt. | 1.4614 | 0.02825 | 583 | 377 | 143 | 63 |
130 | The App is built-in to the jacket, it creates a printout of all the presidents' tweets, in case I'm subpoenaed. | 1.4601 | 0.02752 | 589 | 376 | 155 | 58 |
131 | ‘’It’s for meritorious paperwork.” | 1.4599 | 0.02727 | 574 | 361 | 162 | 51 |
132 | Just a FAX ma'am, just a FAX | 1.4599 | 0.02744 | 574 | 370 | 147 | 57 |
133 | Oh that? Those are my pardons. | 1.4589 | 0.02800 | 584 | 377 | 146 | 61 |
134 | Eyes up here, young lady. | 1.4586 | 0.02804 | 580 | 374 | 146 | 60 |
135 | It's a receipt for selling out. | 1.4567 | 0.03020 | 554 | 372 | 111 | 71 |
136 | So what happens if I push the second star? | 1.4567 | 0.02899 | 554 | 361 | 133 | 60 |
137 | I got tired of explaining each one. | 1.4536 | 0.02494 | 549 | 358 | 146 | 45 |
138 | WARNING: Appointed by the president and may be removed at any time... | 1.4536 | 0.02860 | 549 | 355 | 139 | 55 |
139 | The price for freedom keeps going up. | 1.4532 | 0.02846 | 545 | 353 | 138 | 54 |
140 | I served in many conflicts of interest. | 1.4532 | 0.02906 | 534 | 346 | 134 | 54 |
141 | That is a record of the things for which I have plausible deniability. | 1.4520 | 0.02814 | 542 | 346 | 147 | 49 |
142 | My name is first - I'm your wife - but who are others | 1.4510 | 0.03252 | 490 | 335 | 89 | 66 |
143 | It’s my unredacted testimony. | 1.4497 | 0.02883 | 527 | 340 | 137 | 50 |
144 | No, I'm just General Merchandise. | 1.4492 | 0.02930 | 512 | 331 | 132 | 49 |
145 | They say ‘dress for the job you want’, so I’ve pinned a list of jobs I’d rather have. | 1.4492 | 0.02851 | 512 | 325 | 144 | 43 |
146 | I'm in charge of arms. This is the receipt for my left one. | 1.4477 | 0.03003 | 516 | 341 | 119 | 56 |
147 | I see you served in Turkey. No, wait—you bought a turkey. | 1.4462 | 0.02973 | 511 | 335 | 124 | 52 |
148 | Under Trump I am now officially, "Leader guy of huge bombs and of winning bigly." | 1.4462 | 0.03024 | 511 | 339 | 116 | 56 |
149 | Just keeping abreast of presidential tweets. | 1.4460 | 0.02955 | 509 | 332 | 127 | 50 |
150 | Black Ops Friday. | 1.4451 | 0.03028 | 492 | 323 | 119 | 50 |
151 | And then it shreds itself. | 1.4451 | 0.02945 | 492 | 317 | 131 | 44 |
152 | Yup, every time he tweets. | 1.4449 | 0.02996 | 490 | 319 | 124 | 47 |
153 | If you’re truly thankful for my service please visit the website below and vote. A five star rating would be appreciated. | 1.4440 | 0.02897 | 500 | 321 | 136 | 43 |
154 | That ribbon must have been from the battle of CVS. | 1.4433 | 0.03012 | 494 | 327 | 116 | 51 |
155 | Oh that one’s my subpoena | 1.4433 | 0.03086 | 494 | 330 | 109 | 55 |
156 | Proud of that one. Security Guard, Walmart, Black Friday. | 1.4428 | 0.02663 | 481 | 323 | 116 | 42 |
157 | I was told to wear it and tell anyone that asks to 'Read the transcript!' | 1.4426 | 0.02750 | 479 | 327 | 105 | 47 |
158 | Not only can I tell you the cost of war, I have it itemized. | 1.4410 | 0.02939 | 483 | 311 | 131 | 41 |
159 | For Bravery, Battle of the Red Tape. | 1.4410 | 0.02997 | 483 | 315 | 123 | 45 |
160 | It's the price of freedom. | 1.4407 | 0.02947 | 481 | 310 | 130 | 41 |
161 | That's my presidential pardon. | 1.4402 | 0.03139 | 468 | 312 | 106 | 50 |
162 | My unit came under heavy fire at CVS. | 1.4388 | 0.02932 | 474 | 304 | 132 | 38 |
163 | My marching orders come from a stable genius with bone spurs. | 1.4388 | 0.03180 | 474 | 321 | 98 | 55 |
164 | Oh, the receipt? I work as a cashier. They call me the Dollar General. | 1.4386 | 0.03176 | 472 | 319 | 99 | 54 |
165 | I know the cost of war. That's the receipt. | 1.4376 | 0.03055 | 457 | 298 | 118 | 41 |
166 | I can see you spent and arm and a...oh, my bad. | 1.4371 | 0.03205 | 469 | 319 | 95 | 55 |
167 | Ukraine Meddling Medal, Maam. | 1.4360 | 0.02957 | 461 | 296 | 129 | 36 |
168 | Its my ticker tape of Trumps tweets, so I know if I get fired or not. | 1.4354 | 0.03266 | 457 | 313 | 89 | 55 |
169 | I got that one for contempt of Congress. | 1.4339 | 0.02938 | 454 | 290 | 131 | 33 |
170 | Yes, I've been cashiered. | 1.4333 | 0.03038 | 450 | 293 | 119 | 38 |
171 | That makes you the 1,776,846th person to thank me for my sacrifice.” | 1.4333 | 0.03212 | 450 | 304 | 97 | 49 |
172 | I work retail now. The chain of command is more stable. | 1.4333 | 0.03197 | 450 | 303 | 99 | 48 |
173 | Ya, it’s a list of Trump’s war crimes. I keep a running tally, and I’m sure I’ll send it to the New Yorker at some point so I’ll feel like I did something with it, but it won’t ever be seen. Know mean? So uhh.. the weather. God I hate these parties. | 1.4328 | 0.05357 | 201 | 147 | 21 | 33 |
174 | Special commendations for every time I've talked us out of another war in the last month." | 1.4327 | 0.03106 | 446 | 294 | 111 | 41 |
175 | Actually, I think my CVS ExtraCare Points ARE something to be worn with pride. | 1.4324 | 0.03148 | 444 | 295 | 106 | 43 |
176 | There was an executive order to wear the president's tweets. | 1.4312 | 0.03327 | 429 | 293 | 87 | 49 |
177 | My last tour of duty was at CVS. | 1.4308 | 0.03275 | 441 | 301 | 90 | 50 |
178 | I got my badges from Trump Military Academy | 1.4308 | 0.03259 | 441 | 300 | 92 | 49 |
179 | Battle of Black Friday, '17, Walmart. Still have nightmares. | 1.4308 | 0.03081 | 441 | 289 | 114 | 38 |
180 | Everyone has his price. Mine is a matter of record. | 1.4296 | 0.03033 | 433 | 280 | 120 | 33 |
181 | That's why they call me 'The Dollar General'. | 1.4296 | 0.03188 | 433 | 289 | 102 | 42 |
182 | Please no 'General Store' jokes, ma'am. | 1.4296 | 0.03221 | 433 | 291 | 98 | 44 |
183 | It's the terms of my required loyalty pledge to the President. | 1.4292 | 0.03198 | 431 | 288 | 101 | 42 |
184 | It was a hard fought battle at CVS. | 1.4292 | 0.03232 | 431 | 290 | 97 | 44 |
185 | In times like these, it's always best to save the receipts. | 1.4279 | 0.03135 | 430 | 284 | 108 | 38 |
186 | What, this? Just the price of freedom, little lady. | 1.4279 | 0.03316 | 416 | 282 | 90 | 44 |
187 | Trump's Twitter feed. | 1.4279 | 0.03210 | 416 | 276 | 102 | 38 |
188 | That's for my service in the General Accounting Office. | 1.4279 | 0.03173 | 416 | 274 | 106 | 36 |
189 | I realize that wearing a copy of the Constitution might seem strange - but we have to consider our current environment. | 1.4275 | 0.03363 | 414 | 283 | 85 | 46 |
190 | These are all the war crimes President Trump has praised me for. | 1.4272 | 0.03292 | 426 | 290 | 90 | 46 |
191 | That’s correct, the price of freedom is now in Rubles. | 1.4269 | 0.03218 | 424 | 284 | 99 | 41 |
192 | That's for 'Courage during Presidential Tweet.' | 1.4269 | 0.03337 | 424 | 291 | 85 | 48 |
193 | So it takes 2000 reward points to become a General?” | 1.4258 | 0.03303 | 418 | 284 | 90 | 44 |
194 | The list explains what they're all for so I can drink while people read. | 1.4258 | 0.03069 | 418 | 271 | 116 | 31 |
195 | As you can see, the cost of war adds up. | 1.4255 | 0.03172 | 416 | 275 | 105 | 36 |
196 | You, of all people, would know not to stare at a person's chest. | 1.4255 | 0.03190 | 416 | 276 | 103 | 37 |
197 | It’s the receipt for the price of my integrity and self esteem that each commendation exacted. | 1.4255 | 0.03332 | 416 | 284 | 87 | 45 |
198 | It’s the latest technology. Every time Trump tweets about the military, it prints it out. | 1.4237 | 0.03084 | 413 | 281 | 94 | 38 |
199 | It’s our latest attempt at military spending transparency. | 1.4226 | 0.03239 | 407 | 272 | 98 | 37 |
200 | No, I'm supposed to stop by the grocery store on the way home. | 1.4222 | 0.03212 | 405 | 269 | 101 | 35 |
201 | Oh, I see you’re bought and paid for. | 1.4214 | 0.03272 | 401 | 269 | 95 | 37 |
202 | We lost a lot of good men at CVS. | 1.4192 | 0.03434 | 396 | 274 | 78 | 44 |
203 | In this administration, we keep the receipts. | 1.4192 | 0.03281 | 396 | 266 | 94 | 36 |
204 | It's the full transcript | 1.4188 | 0.03326 | 382 | 256 | 92 | 34 |
205 | It’s an updated list of pardonable war crimes. | 1.4188 | 0.03346 | 382 | 257 | 90 | 35 |
206 | Roger that m'am. It is indeed toilet paper and it is standard issue for all generals since Trump became Commander in Chief. | 1.4188 | 0.03448 | 382 | 267 | 72 | 43 |
207 | Kindly consult this list of topics that I'm at liberty to chat about without having to make you disappear. | 1.4188 | 0.03351 | 394 | 268 | 87 | 39 |
208 | The traditional ribbons all were made in China. This print out is all the Pentagon can afford now since Trump reallocated those funds to the wall. | 1.4184 | 0.03402 | 392 | 269 | 82 | 41 |
209 | No Ma'am, I'm not the Whistleblower. I keep the running tab on White House dismissals. | 1.4179 | 0.03236 | 390 | 259 | 99 | 32 |
210 | ...and this one I got when I spent more than half of the federal budget. | 1.4179 | 0.03256 | 390 | 260 | 97 | 33 |
211 | I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral... | 1.4179 | 0.03256 | 390 | 260 | 97 | 33 |
212 | If Trump orders me to betray my oath or my country, this lets me know a few minutes in advance. | 1.4171 | 0.03420 | 386 | 265 | 81 | 40 |
213 | I got it for the Battle of CVS. | 1.4133 | 0.03345 | 375 | 253 | 89 | 33 |
214 | What paper trail? It was a perfect paper trail! I don’t even know that paper trail. | 1.4133 | 0.03429 | 375 | 257 | 81 | 37 |
215 | That's a recent one. It keeps a running log of my statements found contrary to those of the Administration." | 1.4133 | 0.03259 | 375 | 249 | 97 | 29 |
216 | It’s the itemized request list Trump had me bring to the Ukraine! | 1.4133 | 0.03471 | 375 | 259 | 77 | 39 |
217 | I got tired of explaining what they all mean so I just made a list. | 1.4132 | 0.03356 | 363 | 243 | 90 | 30 |
218 | Black Friday. Walmart. 2017. | 1.4129 | 0.03421 | 373 | 255 | 82 | 36 |
219 | This one is from the price wars. | 1.4124 | 0.03348 | 371 | 250 | 89 | 32 |
220 | Yes, I am with accounting. How did you guess? | 1.4124 | 0.03305 | 371 | 248 | 93 | 30 |
221 | My latest awards came with loyalty points. | 1.4119 | 0.03295 | 369 | 246 | 94 | 29 |
222 | It's a tear off resume' - just in case. | 1.4119 | 0.03181 | 369 | 241 | 104 | 24 |
223 | Freedom isn't free, M'am. But we did get a nice coupon. | 1.4119 | 0.03339 | 369 | 248 | 90 | 31 |
224 | Impressive list of compliments for the president! Is it enough to keep you employed until the election? | 1.4116 | 0.03362 | 362 | 243 | 89 | 30 |
225 | His Majesty’s tweets, ma’m! | 1.4116 | 0.03495 | 362 | 249 | 77 | 36 |
226 | It’s a new decoration for quid pro quo. | 1.4114 | 0.03461 | 367 | 252 | 79 | 36 |
227 | It's a list of instructions from the President on how to do my job. He pinned it on himself. | 1.4114 | 0.03439 | 367 | 251 | 81 | 35 |
228 | The red one's for Desert Storm, the blue one's for Battle of Bagdad, and the white one for Trader Joe's Thanksgiving. | 1.4110 | 0.03342 | 365 | 245 | 90 | 30 |
229 | Loyalty oath ... required by Trump. | 1.4093 | 0.03436 | 364 | 249 | 81 | 34 |
230 | It's a presidential citation for staying at all Trump properties during my time with NATO | 1.4093 | 0.03480 | 364 | 251 | 77 | 36 |
231 | I’m in general accounting. | 1.4083 | 0.03303 | 360 | 240 | 93 | 27 |
232 | I'm not military ... but I am the most decorated greeter in Walmart history. Please take your receipt. | 1.4083 | 0.03440 | 360 | 246 | 81 | 33 |
233 | It’s the list of nicknames the president has for world leaders so I can keep track of who he is currently insulting. | 1.4083 | 0.03485 | 360 | 248 | 77 | 35 |
234 | I've been cashiered. | 1.4073 | 0.03535 | 356 | 247 | 73 | 36 |
235 | It's part of POTUS's plan to make our allies pay. | 1.4073 | 0.03602 | 356 | 250 | 67 | 39 |
236 | The cost of war ma’am | 1.4064 | 0.03371 | 342 | 228 | 89 | 25 |
237 | I've been liaison to the NSC, CIA, and now CVS. | 1.4062 | 0.03472 | 352 | 241 | 79 | 32 |
238 | War has its price. | 1.4062 | 0.03495 | 352 | 242 | 77 | 33 |
239 | What makes you think I bought my way to the top? | 1.4062 | 0.03401 | 352 | 238 | 85 | 29 |
240 | General…your slip is showing. | 1.4062 | 0.03472 | 352 | 241 | 79 | 32 |
241 | It all comes with a price. | 1.4052 | 0.03379 | 348 | 234 | 87 | 27 |
242 | I've never seen one quite that long... | 1.4052 | 0.03570 | 348 | 242 | 71 | 35 |
243 | I'm going to have to ask you to step back ma'am, new orders coming in. | 1.4046 | 0.03342 | 346 | 231 | 90 | 25 |
244 | I’m up here, lady.” | 1.4046 | 0.03631 | 346 | 243 | 66 | 37 |
245 | I served two tours at Walmart. | 1.4046 | 0.03292 | 346 | 229 | 94 | 23 |
246 | No, ma'am--its is NOT a new kind of military decoration. Its an app that prints out President Trump's latest tweets. | 1.4046 | 0.03561 | 346 | 240 | 72 | 34 |
247 | Don't ask." "Do tell. | 1.4046 | 0.03417 | 346 | 234 | 84 | 28 |
248 | Why do you think they call it General Accounting? | 1.4046 | 0.03367 | 346 | 232 | 88 | 26 |
249 | That's my Trump International Hotel receipt. | 1.4046 | 0.03513 | 346 | 238 | 76 | 32 |
250 | I was stationed at CVS during the war. | 1.4012 | 0.03611 | 339 | 237 | 68 | 34 |
251 | The cost of war IS high.” | 1.4012 | 0.03463 | 339 | 231 | 80 | 28 |
252 | The ribbons are for specific military campaigns and the long strip is a list of house committees that called me to testify. | 1.4012 | 0.03538 | 339 | 234 | 74 | 31 |
253 | Hey Lady, my eyes are up here! | 1.4012 | 0.03488 | 339 | 232 | 78 | 29 |
254 | Medals rescinded by the Commander in Chief. | 1.4012 | 0.03659 | 339 | 239 | 64 | 36 |
255 | Yes I received this one from Halliburton for injuries sustained in the noble pursuit of war profiteering | 1.4006 | 0.03577 | 337 | 234 | 71 | 32 |
256 | Ma'am, my eyes are up here. | 1.3994 | 0.03608 | 333 | 232 | 69 | 32 |
257 | I was in 'Nam, Iraq...Costco. | 1.3988 | 0.03361 | 331 | 221 | 88 | 22 |
258 | Hey! Up here! | 1.3988 | 0.03494 | 331 | 226 | 78 | 27 |
259 | It’s the price off freedom, Ma’am …plus tax. | 1.3988 | 0.03401 | 331 | 225 | 81 | 25 |
260 | This is the cost of war - and, it's still less than my divorce. | 1.3988 | 0.03494 | 331 | 226 | 78 | 27 |
261 | Well, freedom isn't free. | 1.3982 | 0.03535 | 329 | 226 | 75 | 28 |
262 | I'm about to be cashiered. | 1.3982 | 0.03561 | 329 | 227 | 73 | 29 |
263 | For charging in battle. | 1.3982 | 0.03455 | 329 | 223 | 81 | 25 |
264 | As a General Officer, I am required to receive a 'live' feed of President Trump's tweets. | 1.3976 | 0.03550 | 327 | 225 | 74 | 28 |
265 | It all adds up Madam. | 1.3976 | 0.03303 | 327 | 216 | 92 | 19 |
266 | That was for re-taking a captured CVS store. | 1.3976 | 0.03415 | 327 | 220 | 84 | 23 |
267 | It's a pardon,why do you ask? | 1.3976 | 0.03496 | 327 | 223 | 78 | 26 |
268 | I have a military-industrial complex. | 1.3976 | 0.03217 | 327 | 233 | 66 | 28 |
269 | You're welcome for my service... here's your receipt. | 1.3976 | 0.03705 | 327 | 231 | 62 | 34 |
270 | These days, I keep a running transcript of all my conversations. | 1.3969 | 0.03538 | 325 | 223 | 75 | 27 |
271 | Serving this commander in chief comes at a cost. | 1.3969 | 0.03644 | 325 | 227 | 67 | 31 |
272 | I keep a paper trail in case I go before Congress. | 1.3962 | 0.03504 | 313 | 214 | 75 | 24 |
273 | I print the Commander-in-Chief's tweets in real time. | 1.3956 | 0.03513 | 321 | 219 | 77 | 25 |
274 | Costco. Black Friday. | 1.3956 | 0.03513 | 321 | 219 | 77 | 25 |
275 | Those are the tweets from my Commander and Chief. | 1.3956 | 0.03595 | 321 | 222 | 71 | 28 |
276 | You're welcome for my service. Now here is your bill. | 1.3955 | 0.03591 | 311 | 213 | 73 | 25 |
277 | That's the list of campaign contributions that keep me in my job." | 1.3950 | 0.03326 | 319 | 211 | 90 | 18 |
278 | We need the tweets in real time. | 1.3950 | 0.03500 | 319 | 217 | 78 | 24 |
279 | I'm being cashiered. | 1.3950 | 0.03583 | 319 | 220 | 72 | 27 |
280 | I got that one for being most calculating. | 1.3950 | 0.03385 | 319 | 213 | 86 | 20 |
281 | The Pentagon requires us to list all bribes under $100,000. | 1.3943 | 0.03571 | 317 | 218 | 73 | 26 |
282 | Yeah, it's just a receipt. What do you want, a medal? | 1.3937 | 0.03543 | 315 | 218 | 71 | 26 |
283 | We lost a lot of good men in Aisle 3 that day at CVS.... | 1.3929 | 0.03402 | 308 | 205 | 85 | 18 |
284 | I don't like to brag, but I have a laundry list of accomplishments. | 1.3929 | 0.03643 | 308 | 213 | 69 | 26 |
285 | It's a list of the corporate sponsors. | 1.3929 | 0.03525 | 308 | 209 | 77 | 22 |
286 | Freedom isn’t free. But if you answer the survey at the bottom, you could win $1,000! | 1.3917 | 0.03592 | 314 | 217 | 71 | 26 |
287 | Running total of the Commander-in-Chief 's lies to American citizens. | 1.3896 | 0.03865 | 308 | 222 | 52 | 34 |
288 | Just in case I decide to return them. | 1.3896 | 0.03272 | 308 | 217 | 68 | 23 |
289 | Wow! I didn't think anyone had survived that many meetings with President Trump. | 1.3889 | 0.03685 | 306 | 214 | 65 | 27 |
290 | That one's for victory at Costco on Black Friday. | 1.3884 | 0.04130 | 242 | 169 | 52 | 21 |
291 | And then I was awarded a $10 coupon. | 1.3874 | 0.03748 | 302 | 213 | 61 | 28 |
292 | I keep my own records. | 1.3874 | 0.03473 | 302 | 204 | 79 | 19 |
293 | If you're not shocked and awed after 30 days, you can return me. | 1.3867 | 0.03614 | 300 | 207 | 70 | 23 |
294 | As you can see, I've had a whole laundry list of assignments. | 1.3867 | 0.03583 | 300 | 206 | 72 | 22 |
295 | President Trump changes his instructions quite frequently. | 1.3859 | 0.03782 | 298 | 211 | 59 | 28 |
296 | It's the latest tweets from the commander -in-chief | 1.3851 | 0.03860 | 296 | 212 | 54 | 30 |
297 | I got that one for taking out an enemy cash register. | 1.3844 | 0.03878 | 294 | 211 | 53 | 30 |
298 | In addition to my medals of honor, I also have a very long paper trail. | 1.3844 | 0.03599 | 294 | 202 | 71 | 21 |
299 | It's the Trump Award -- a list of his tweets about me -- and all in words of seven letters or less. | 1.3844 | 0.03787 | 294 | 208 | 59 | 27 |
300 | It's the list of names of my bosses at the White House. | 1.3836 | 0.03743 | 292 | 205 | 62 | 25 |
301 | It's a good conduct receipt for perfect military traveler bookings at Trump properties. | 1.3828 | 0.03631 | 290 | 200 | 69 | 21 |
302 | It's how I remind people that freedom isn't free. | 1.3828 | 0.03531 | 290 | 197 | 75 | 18 |
303 | It's my deposition | 1.3811 | 0.03597 | 286 | 196 | 71 | 19 |
304 | Yeah, earned that one storming the check-out on Cyber Monday | 1.3811 | 0.03002 | 286 | 210 | 55 | 21 |
305 | It allows me to keep track of the Mar a Lago charges. | 1.3811 | 0.03860 | 286 | 204 | 55 | 27 |
306 | Actually, it's a list from the president of everyone we're supposed to pardon. | 1.3803 | 0.03847 | 284 | 202 | 56 | 26 |
307 | CVS, Times Square. December 2017. There was only one person staffed at the register. I don't like to talk about it much. | 1.3794 | 0.03733 | 282 | 197 | 63 | 22 |
308 | That one? It's a bill from Trump International Scotland. I'm proud to serve my President in every way. | 1.3786 | 0.03784 | 280 | 197 | 60 | 23 |
309 | I don't predict change...I make change. Ma'am | 1.3786 | 0.03750 | 280 | 196 | 62 | 22 |
310 | I had a printer installed so I could keep up to date on who is getting fired by the President. | 1.3786 | 0.03750 | 280 | 196 | 62 | 22 |
311 | It's Giulani's Ukraine shopping list. | 1.3777 | 0.03904 | 278 | 199 | 53 | 26 |
312 | Led the charge on Black Friday. | 1.3777 | 0.03734 | 278 | 194 | 63 | 21 |
313 | That was from the battle of CVS. | 1.3777 | 0.03853 | 278 | 200 | 52 | 26 |
314 | It's Twitters from my Commander in Chief | 1.3768 | 0.03751 | 276 | 193 | 62 | 21 |
315 | Freedom isn’t free. | 1.3750 | 0.03788 | 272 | 191 | 60 | 21 |
316 | That one's a CVS receipt. | 1.3750 | 0.03859 | 272 | 193 | 56 | 23 |
317 | It's the Trump tapeworm. | 1.3750 | 0.03928 | 272 | 195 | 52 | 25 |
318 | It just lists all of the honours I would have won if I hadn't had these pesky bone spurs | 1.3750 | 0.03894 | 272 | 194 | 54 | 24 |
319 | That’s for liberating a CVS in Kabul. | 1.3750 | 0.03859 | 272 | 193 | 56 | 23 |
320 | It's for liberating the Whole Foods in Fallujah. | 1.3750 | 0.03859 | 272 | 193 | 56 | 23 |
321 | Turns out it wasn’t an open bar. | 1.3750 | 0.03528 | 272 | 184 | 74 | 14 |
322 | You served in CVS? | 1.3750 | 0.03894 | 272 | 194 | 54 | 24 |
323 | The new loyalty program: two more wars and it prints a coupon for half off.... | 1.3741 | 0.03913 | 270 | 193 | 53 | 24 |
324 | I got this one for takin' down a CVS. | 1.3741 | 0.03948 | 270 | 194 | 51 | 25 |
325 | It's been perfect chatting with you. Read the transcript. | 1.3741 | 0.03806 | 270 | 190 | 59 | 21 |
326 | It's the continuously updated list of Geneva Conventions I've violated following the orders of our current Commander in Chief. | 1.3741 | 0.04017 | 270 | 196 | 47 | 27 |
327 | I'm a Major Shopper. | 1.3741 | 0.03948 | 270 | 194 | 51 | 25 |
328 | Oh, is that a list of career military officials the Commander-in-Chief has slandered? | 1.3741 | 0.03948 | 270 | 194 | 51 | 25 |
329 | I have a Purple Heart, a Bronze Star and $28 of Extra Bucks. | 1.3741 | 0.03659 | 270 | 186 | 67 | 17 |
330 | It’s a special commendation for getting my receipts in on time. | 1.3741 | 0.03842 | 270 | 191 | 57 | 22 |
331 | We are now required to display our personal pronoun preferences. | 1.3731 | 0.04038 | 268 | 195 | 46 | 27 |
332 | Since the President takes credit for everything now, I just document it all. | 1.3731 | 0.03788 | 268 | 188 | 60 | 20 |
333 | That's why they call me 'Major Savings' | 1.3731 | 0.03933 | 268 | 192 | 52 | 24 |
334 | It’s part of Trump’s new ‘pay to play’ policy!” | 1.3731 | 0.03676 | 268 | 185 | 66 | 17 |
335 | They ran out of medals at the Pentagon, so these are on backorder. | 1.3731 | 0.03751 | 268 | 187 | 62 | 19 |
336 | I print out the tweets in case nobody believes me when I give an order. | 1.3722 | 0.03844 | 266 | 188 | 57 | 21 |
337 | Those are my official responses to all the questions you are likely to ask me. | 1.3722 | 0.03732 | 266 | 185 | 63 | 18 |
338 | They’re awards for remembering computer passwords. | 1.3712 | 0.03900 | 264 | 188 | 54 | 22 |
339 | Don’t ask don’t tell | 1.3712 | 0.03788 | 264 | 185 | 60 | 19 |
340 | They're presidential tweets mam. | 1.3712 | 0.03863 | 264 | 187 | 56 | 21 |
341 | It's for hosting a dinner for 10 at a Trump hotel. | 1.3712 | 0.03937 | 264 | 189 | 52 | 23 |
342 | As the new secretary of the Navy, my first duty is holiday shopping for the president. | 1.3702 | 0.03920 | 262 | 187 | 53 | 22 |
343 | It's my service record, annotated, for cocktail parties. | 1.3702 | 0.03670 | 262 | 183 | 62 | 17 |
344 | That's my Distinguished Service Receipt. | 1.3702 | 0.03768 | 262 | 183 | 61 | 18 |
345 | Oh, the Army is requiring us to itemize now. | 1.3692 | 0.03864 | 260 | 184 | 56 | 20 |
346 | It grows a little bit every time the President pardons a war criminal. | 1.3692 | 0.03902 | 260 | 185 | 54 | 21 |
347 | That’s the list of ongoing investigations I cannot comment upon.” | 1.3682 | 0.03884 | 258 | 183 | 55 | 20 |
348 | It’s a Presidential Receipt for lies and perjuries in the line of Congressional Inquiries | 1.3682 | 0.04036 | 258 | 187 | 47 | 24 |
349 | Freedom isn't free. Here's your bill | 1.3682 | 0.03560 | 258 | 175 | 71 | 12 |
350 | Little black dress, meet little black list | 1.3672 | 0.03982 | 256 | 184 | 50 | 22 |
351 | I was in the Fifteenth Inventory. | 1.3672 | 0.03904 | 256 | 182 | 54 | 20 |
352 | So launch codes contain a number, a capital letter, and a special character? | 1.3672 | 0.03982 | 256 | 184 | 50 | 22 |
353 | Your female gaze objectifies me for my military exploits. | 1.3672 | 0.03982 | 256 | 184 | 50 | 22 |
354 | I fought hard on Black Friday. | 1.3651 | 0.03904 | 252 | 179 | 54 | 19 |
355 | “It’s a list of all the White House Staff I have to kill to protect the President.” | 1.3651 | 0.03984 | 252 | 181 | 50 | 21 |
356 | That is the list of people I have to suck up to, in order of precedence, of course. | 1.3651 | 0.03610 | 252 | 177 | 60 | 15 |
357 | I'm a Price War veteran. | 1.3651 | 0.03739 | 252 | 175 | 62 | 15 |
358 | They were a couple ribbons short, so they had to give me an IOU. | 1.3640 | 0.03925 | 250 | 178 | 53 | 19 |
359 | I think you'll find this glossary of acronyms and abbreviations helpful. | 1.3640 | 0.03800 | 250 | 175 | 59 | 16 |
360 | It keeps a running total of every time I act against my conscience. | 1.3640 | 0.03842 | 250 | 176 | 57 | 17 |
361 | Nothing to see here ma’am, the President just likes to keep his passwords handy. | 1.3640 | 0.03965 | 250 | 179 | 51 | 20 |
362 | At the bottom, there is a survey and if you'd give me an A Plus Rating I would appreciate that! | 1.3640 | 0.03965 | 250 | 179 | 51 | 20 |
363 | The jury's still out on whether these are honorable, or pardonable... | 1.3640 | 0.03757 | 250 | 174 | 61 | 15 |
364 | And the last one was given to me by my wife for "Operation Black Friday." | 1.3640 | 0.04085 | 250 | 182 | 45 | 23 |
365 | Hey, $571,295 for a screwdriver set sounds a bit high to me too | 1.3640 | 0.03925 | 250 | 178 | 53 | 19 |
366 | I was injured on Black Friday. | 1.3640 | 0.03883 | 250 | 177 | 55 | 18 |
367 | Fallujah was a cakewalk compared to the Whole Foods parking lot. | 1.3629 | 0.03904 | 248 | 176 | 54 | 18 |
368 | Never mind my 5-star general insignia, read the Amazon reviews. | 1.3629 | 0.03904 | 248 | 176 | 54 | 18 |
369 | The lawyers make us wear the fine print now. | 1.3629 | 0.03688 | 248 | 171 | 64 | 13 |
370 | I got that one for defense spending. | 1.3629 | 0.03861 | 248 | 175 | 56 | 17 |
371 | We were pinned down by exorbitant prices without a BOGO in sight, so I called for military discount air cover flanked by a loyalty reward program. | 1.3629 | 0.04027 | 248 | 179 | 48 | 21 |
372 | Sorry, the president is sending me a fax. | 1.3629 | 0.03945 | 248 | 177 | 52 | 19 |
373 | I'm running a tab. | 1.3629 | 0.03819 | 248 | 174 | 58 | 16 |
374 | Don't you know freedom comes with a price tag? | 1.3629 | 0.03776 | 248 | 173 | 60 | 15 |
375 | Our ribbon designer worked for CVS, before joining the Army. | 1.3618 | 0.03966 | 246 | 176 | 51 | 19 |
376 | That one's for heroic procurement. | 1.3618 | 0.03751 | 246 | 171 | 61 | 14 |
377 | The Pentagon just made a deal with CVS. | 1.3618 | 0.03924 | 246 | 175 | 53 | 18 |
378 | It's crib notes for the commander-in-chief. | 1.3618 | 0.04090 | 246 | 179 | 45 | 22 |
379 | My wife said she'd give me a medal for remembering everything on this week's grocery list. | 1.3618 | 0.03966 | 246 | 176 | 51 | 19 |
380 | I served three tours at a CVS. | 1.3618 | 0.04049 | 246 | 178 | 47 | 21 |
381 | It’s a commemorative receipt from the Battle of CVS | 1.3618 | 0.03707 | 246 | 170 | 63 | 13 |
382 | That one? Awarded by the president himself for 'meritorious delivery of a Big Mac in the face of huge hunger'. | 1.3607 | 0.04071 | 244 | 177 | 46 | 21 |
383 | Another Trump tweet | 1.3607 | 0.03945 | 244 | 174 | 52 | 18 |
384 | Is that your wish list for a new president? | 1.3607 | 0.03858 | 244 | 172 | 56 | 16 |
385 | Well General I guess it’s not quite the ticker tape home coming you expected. | 1.3607 | 0.03902 | 244 | 173 | 54 | 17 |
386 | They're my sensitivity, anti-defamation, anti-discrimination, anti-misogymy, no-means-no, and other training completion dates, of which you can see I'm very proud. I'm getting more ice for my water, would you care to join me? | 1.3607 | 0.04029 | 244 | 176 | 48 | 20 |
387 | No ma'am. I am not with the military. I'm with CVS. | 1.3595 | 0.04051 | 242 | 175 | 47 | 20 |
388 | That one was for the battle of CVS. | 1.3595 | 0.03878 | 242 | 171 | 55 | 16 |
389 | It's a paper trail on the president's tweets! | 1.3595 | 0.03922 | 242 | 172 | 53 | 17 |
390 | It's for recording the times the Chief said, 'I wanted nothing.' | 1.3595 | 0.04093 | 242 | 176 | 45 | 21 |
391 | It's the only way to monitor his Twitter posts adequately. | 1.3595 | 0.03834 | 242 | 170 | 57 | 15 |
392 | We keep a list of those who have left the administration so we can reduce the awkward conversation at these functions. | 1.3583 | 0.03692 | 240 | 173 | 51 | 16 |
393 | Left the tag on so I can return them in the morning. | 1.3583 | 0.03762 | 240 | 167 | 60 | 13 |
394 | Old Navy. | 1.3583 | 0.03620 | 240 | 174 | 50 | 16 |
395 | That one was awarded to me by the Dollar General. | 1.3571 | 0.03964 | 238 | 170 | 51 | 17 |
396 | I just get tired of explaining them all. | 1.3571 | 0.03919 | 238 | 169 | 53 | 16 |
397 | It was going to be a joke for the New Yorker, however, they don't understand humor. | 1.3571 | 0.04053 | 238 | 172 | 47 | 19 |
398 | That one's for shopping behind enemy lines. | 1.3559 | 0.03800 | 236 | 165 | 58 | 13 |
399 | I got them from CVS | 1.3559 | 0.03986 | 236 | 169 | 50 | 17 |
400 | I get the need for a bribe receipt. But these coupons go on forever. | 1.3559 | 0.03555 | 236 | 160 | 68 | 8 |
401 | Our small talk has been perfect. Read the transcript. | 1.3559 | 0.03986 | 236 | 169 | 50 | 17 |
402 | All sales are Semper final. | 1.3559 | 0.03894 | 236 | 167 | 54 | 15 |
403 | Every medal comes at a price. | 1.3559 | 0.03894 | 236 | 167 | 54 | 15 |
404 | Dollar General did you say? | 1.3559 | 0.04163 | 236 | 173 | 42 | 21 |
405 | And these are honorable mentions. | 1.3556 | 0.03768 | 239 | 167 | 59 | 13 |
406 | I know firsthand the cost of war. | 1.3556 | 0.03950 | 239 | 171 | 51 | 17 |
407 | Of course all the medals are mine. The receipt proves it. | 1.3547 | 0.03868 | 234 | 165 | 55 | 14 |
408 | That one is for bravery in purchasing feminine hygiene products for my wife at a CSV. | 1.3547 | 0.04142 | 234 | 171 | 43 | 20 |
409 | I got that one for Convenience, Value, and Service. | 1.3547 | 0.04053 | 234 | 169 | 47 | 18 |
410 | I bragged about doing the grocery shopping so the wife pinned this on me. | 1.3547 | 0.04142 | 234 | 171 | 43 | 20 |
411 | Yes ma’am, that one converts tweets into orders. | 1.3547 | 0.04098 | 234 | 170 | 45 | 19 |
412 | Given the current situation, it seems wisest to keep a record of everything I do. | 1.3547 | 0.04053 | 234 | 169 | 47 | 18 |
413 | These? They're not worth the paper they're written on. | 1.3547 | 0.04007 | 234 | 168 | 49 | 17 |
414 | And this is the president's tweet pardoning me. | 1.3547 | 0.03961 | 234 | 167 | 51 | 16 |
415 | It's an IOU from Pres. Trump. | 1.3547 | 0.04230 | 234 | 173 | 39 | 22 |
416 | Does it really look more stupid than 75 pins and ribbons? | 1.3534 | 0.03983 | 232 | 166 | 50 | 16 |
417 | It's the receipt for my being the adult in the room. | 1.3534 | 0.04166 | 232 | 170 | 42 | 20 |
418 | Wow, a Black Friday Distinguished Service Ribbon. | 1.3534 | 0.03318 | 232 | 178 | 36 | 18 |
419 | I got tired of retelling what they stand for. | 1.3534 | 0.03936 | 232 | 165 | 52 | 15 |
420 | That one's for winning the Battle At CVS. | 1.3534 | 0.03840 | 232 | 168 | 48 | 16 |
421 | I get live updates from the Impeachment Inquiry. | 1.3534 | 0.04030 | 232 | 167 | 48 | 17 |
422 | If you will excuse me - the President is Tweeting. | 1.3527 | 0.03980 | 224 | 159 | 51 | 14 |
423 | Was your service included? | 1.3519 | 0.04131 | 216 | 155 | 46 | 15 |
424 | And that's a list of the other medals I could've won if I'd wanted to. | 1.3514 | 0.04002 | 222 | 158 | 50 | 14 |
425 | Don't make assumptions until you have all the fax. | 1.3514 | 0.04053 | 222 | 159 | 48 | 15 |
426 | Yes, Ma'am. The Fifth Armored CVS Division is a real unit. | 1.3514 | 0.04103 | 222 | 160 | 46 | 16 |
427 | That’s for outspending the enemy a thousand to one. | 1.3514 | 0.04297 | 222 | 164 | 38 | 20 |
428 | No Ma'am, that's the cost of Freedom. | 1.3496 | 0.03850 | 226 | 159 | 55 | 12 |
429 | To be honest, it's to remind me what all these ribbons and medals were for. | 1.3496 | 0.04285 | 226 | 168 | 37 | 21 |
430 | It’s the cost of war | 1.3488 | 0.04243 | 215 | 157 | 41 | 17 |
431 | Survived Vietnam, Afganistan, Iraq and Trump | 1.3488 | 0.04294 | 215 | 158 | 39 | 18 |
432 | Some carry out orders; others simply carry them. | 1.3482 | 0.03973 | 224 | 160 | 50 | 14 |
433 | I get points whenever we go to war. | 1.3482 | 0.04023 | 224 | 161 | 48 | 15 |
434 | Hush money receipts for every time I've kept my mouth shut about the current administration. | 1.3482 | 0.03922 | 224 | 159 | 52 | 13 |
435 | I got that one for escaping the IKEA in Paramus_ | 1.3482 | 0.04121 | 224 | 163 | 44 | 17 |
436 | That one? Black Friday, ma'am. Hell on earth. Damn proud of what I saved though. | 1.3482 | 0.04217 | 224 | 165 | 40 | 19 |
437 | It’s my to-do list. Every time I cross something off, my wife gives me a star. | 1.3482 | 0.04169 | 224 | 164 | 42 | 18 |
438 | It's a list of topics that can offend me. | 1.3482 | 0.03871 | 224 | 158 | 54 | 12 |
439 | Oh Trump has us all wearing these. These are the list of crimes we did NOT commit. | 1.3482 | 0.04217 | 224 | 165 | 40 | 19 |
440 | It's a list of things we can no longer do. | 1.3482 | 0.03973 | 224 | 160 | 50 | 14 |
441 | I also take orders. | 1.3468 | 0.03995 | 222 | 159 | 49 | 14 |
442 | It's for bravery in accountancy | 1.3468 | 0.04337 | 222 | 166 | 35 | 21 |
443 | That one’s for Distinguished Customer Service. | 1.3468 | 0.03995 | 222 | 159 | 49 | 14 |
444 | Please, look up at my eyes. | 1.3468 | 0.04384 | 222 | 167 | 33 | 22 |
445 | I got the idea from Banksey. | 1.3468 | 0.04194 | 222 | 163 | 41 | 18 |
446 | The top bars I earned , the list is the ones I drank at. | 1.3468 | 0.04096 | 222 | 161 | 45 | 16 |
447 | It's a simple explanation of each medal for those in Congress. | 1.3468 | 0.04096 | 222 | 161 | 45 | 16 |
448 | To provide fair warning, it's a list of all the things I'll end up saying tonight that will likely "trigger" someone. | 1.3440 | 0.04143 | 218 | 159 | 43 | 16 |
449 | Everyone is always thanking me for my service, but nobody ever leaves a tip. | 1.3426 | 0.03788 | 216 | 151 | 56 | 9 |
450 | The pentagon transparency policy on expenses is getting out of hand! | 1.3426 | 0.03788 | 216 | 151 | 56 | 9 |
451 | Unfortunately I was cashiered. | 1.3426 | 0.04320 | 216 | 161 | 36 | 19 |
452 | It is a real-time transcript of this conversation. You will have to sign and date it when we are finished talking, and I will have to submit it to Congress. | 1.3426 | 0.04115 | 216 | 157 | 44 | 15 |
453 | Damn, I forgot to get groceries. | 1.3426 | 0.04115 | 216 | 157 | 44 | 15 |
454 | I'm sick of having to explain all these ribbons... | 1.3412 | 0.04180 | 211 | 154 | 42 | 15 |
455 | I'd remove it, but that would be a federal crime. | 1.3412 | 0.04126 | 211 | 153 | 44 | 14 |
456 | My list of Presidential Pardons! | 1.3412 | 0.04126 | 211 | 153 | 44 | 14 |
457 | It was Black Friday, 2011. The deals were plentiful. So were the shoppers. It’s hard for me to even talk about. | 1.3397 | 0.04038 | 209 | 150 | 47 | 12 |
458 | This medal I am most proud of ...I came in under budget for the Defense Department 20 straight years. | 1.3397 | 0.04038 | 209 | 150 | 47 | 12 |
459 | If I get one more honor I will have to switch to 8pt font. | 1.3397 | 0.03863 | 209 | 147 | 53 | 9 |
460 | It's an ongoing transcript that even a Congressman can understand. | 1.3397 | 0.04094 | 209 | 151 | 45 | 13 |
461 | I think you have a fax coming in. | 1.3397 | 0.03981 | 209 | 149 | 49 | 11 |
462 | .........And you still work for him? | 1.3397 | 0.04366 | 209 | 156 | 35 | 18 |
463 | How long were you stationed at CVS? | 1.3382 | 0.04394 | 207 | 155 | 34 | 18 |
464 | ...and this one I received for the Battle of Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.3382 | 0.04175 | 207 | 151 | 42 | 14 |
465 | In retirement, I'm doing security for CVS now. | 1.3382 | 0.04340 | 207 | 154 | 36 | 17 |
466 | It’s my cost over-run ribbon | 1.3382 | 0.04118 | 207 | 150 | 44 | 13 |
467 | Yes, you could say my service record is the opposite of Trump's. | 1.3382 | 0.04231 | 207 | 152 | 40 | 15 |
468 | Wash in cold water. Detach medals before loading. | 1.3382 | 0.04061 | 207 | 149 | 46 | 12 |
469 | It's the Military Industrial Complex Medal of Honor. | 1.3366 | 0.03966 | 205 | 146 | 49 | 10 |
470 | Removal of tag voids warranty. | 1.3366 | 0.04143 | 205 | 149 | 43 | 13 |
471 | It’s a transcript of my Congressional testimony. | 1.3366 | 0.04313 | 205 | 152 | 37 | 16 |
472 | Oh that? That's my list of citations for Valor In Spite of Trump. | 1.3366 | 0.04313 | 205 | 152 | 37 | 16 |
473 | General Store, at your service, ma'am. | 1.3366 | 0.04200 | 205 | 150 | 41 | 14 |
474 | It's for bravery in the line of procurement. | 1.3366 | 0.04085 | 205 | 148 | 45 | 12 |
475 | We are now tracking the relationship of Pentagon spending to the National Debt in real time. | 1.3366 | 0.04200 | 205 | 150 | 41 | 14 |
476 | Excuse me miss but my eyes are up here! | 1.3366 | 0.04143 | 205 | 149 | 43 | 13 |
477 | Its my Medal of Fiscal Responsibility | 1.3366 | 0.04085 | 205 | 148 | 45 | 12 |
478 | That one is for securing a Popeye’s chicken sandwich for the Commander-in-Chief. | 1.3366 | 0.04085 | 205 | 148 | 45 | 12 |
479 | I'm in charge of procurement -- that's a medal from CVS. | 1.3366 | 0.04200 | 205 | 150 | 41 | 14 |
480 | Freedom has it's costs. | 1.3366 | 0.04143 | 205 | 149 | 43 | 13 |
481 | I'm a General Accountant | 1.3366 | 0.04143 | 205 | 149 | 43 | 13 |
482 | Instead of handing out medals, now they award us shopping points at Whole Foods. | 1.3366 | 0.04313 | 205 | 152 | 37 | 16 |
483 | Wow. That’s a lot of ex-wives. | 1.3366 | 0.04143 | 205 | 149 | 43 | 13 |
484 | That ribbon? It's for justifying military budget increases. | 1.3350 | 0.04193 | 197 | 143 | 42 | 12 |
485 | Medals, yes, and a "participation printout." | 1.3350 | 0.04315 | 197 | 145 | 38 | 14 |
486 | That one's my special commendation from CVS. | 1.3350 | 0.04226 | 203 | 149 | 40 | 14 |
487 | I was a war machine, but they demote me to adding machine | 1.3350 | 0.04226 | 203 | 149 | 40 | 14 |
488 | I see you've paid your dues. | 1.3350 | 0.04168 | 203 | 148 | 42 | 13 |
489 | My job makes me cold and calculating. | 1.3350 | 0.04226 | 203 | 149 | 40 | 14 |
490 | It’s the cost of war Ma’am. | 1.3350 | 0.04109 | 203 | 147 | 44 | 12 |
491 | ... and if you call the number on the receipt you get a 10% discount on all munitions. | 1.3350 | 0.03864 | 203 | 143 | 52 | 8 |
492 | Those are all for debasing myself in meetings with the President. | 1.3350 | 0.04283 | 203 | 150 | 38 | 15 |
493 | I got that when I was a young cashier back in ‘83, during the Cabbage Patch Assault. Black Friday can change a man... | 1.3350 | 0.04505 | 203 | 154 | 30 | 19 |
494 | The coat was just getting too heavy. That's the full itemized list of my distinguished career. | 1.3350 | 0.04283 | 203 | 150 | 38 | 15 |
495 | I earned that buying one bomber that could have paid for Universal Healthcare. | 1.3350 | 0.04226 | 203 | 149 | 40 | 14 |
496 | It's a long story. | 1.3333 | 0.04310 | 201 | 149 | 37 | 15 |
497 | Yes madam, it is the Golden Sales Receipt with diamond clusters. It is awarded annually by the vast military industrial complex for those Pentagon officials who purchase over 1 billion dollars worth of military hardware annually. | 1.3333 | 0.04390 | 192 | 142 | 36 | 14 |
498 | Before you say anything, please sign your name and indicate the purpose of our conversation. | 1.3333 | 0.04199 | 192 | 139 | 42 | 11 |
499 | We lost a lot of good men on Black Friday | 1.3333 | 0.04072 | 201 | 145 | 45 | 11 |
500 | My goodness, what an impressive list of subpoenas. | 1.3333 | 0.04390 | 192 | 142 | 36 | 14 |
501 | ...And this one is for a full refund in case the President decides he's done with me. | 1.3333 | 0.04264 | 192 | 140 | 40 | 12 |
502 | General, do you think it’s wise to have the nuclear codes pinned to your chest? | 1.3333 | 0.04390 | 192 | 142 | 36 | 14 |
503 | In the good old days we could spend 64 thousand on a hammer, now it’s all about accountability. | 1.3333 | 0.04501 | 189 | 141 | 33 | 15 |
504 | No, not Army. I’m the Captain of CVS. | 1.3333 | 0.04572 | 192 | 145 | 30 | 17 |
505 | I got that one for spending $12,000 on a toilet seat. | 1.3333 | 0.04367 | 201 | 150 | 35 | 16 |
506 | It’s the Distinguished Ledger: for submitting expense reports on time and meritorious adherence to budget. | 1.3333 | 0.04134 | 192 | 138 | 44 | 10 |
507 | That one's for making a CVS run for the platoon. | 1.3333 | 0.04133 | 201 | 146 | 43 | 12 |
508 | It's my list for Santa. | 1.3333 | 0.04390 | 192 | 142 | 36 | 14 |
509 | ...and this last medal is self-explanatory. | 1.3333 | 0.04199 | 192 | 139 | 42 | 11 |
510 | You're probably guessing where to insert your card, madam. | 1.3333 | 0.04264 | 192 | 140 | 40 | 12 |
511 | So you did this week's shopping. What do you want, a medal? | 1.3333 | 0.04424 | 201 | 151 | 33 | 17 |
512 | I'm in charge of the General Accounting Office | 1.3317 | 0.04034 | 199 | 143 | 46 | 10 |
513 | Freedom isn't free, you know. It comes with a price tag! | 1.3317 | 0.03970 | 199 | 142 | 48 | 9 |
514 | To continue this conversation, you must acknowledge that you have read these terms and conditions, including the words to use in place of "war." | 1.3317 | 0.04218 | 199 | 146 | 40 | 13 |
515 | It's the President's new policy. He can just yank it and deflate your career. | 1.3317 | 0.04452 | 199 | 150 | 32 | 17 |
516 | I keep the receipt so people know they're mine. | 1.3317 | 0.04096 | 199 | 144 | 44 | 11 |
517 | I stopped at CVS on the way to the party. | 1.3317 | 0.04509 | 199 | 151 | 30 | 18 |
518 | I only go to Hill receptions with a list. It helps reduce impulse defense spending. | 1.3317 | 0.04278 | 199 | 147 | 38 | 14 |
519 | What the enemy didn’t count on that day was that we would save $2 on Tylenol. | 1.3317 | 0.04509 | 199 | 151 | 30 | 18 |
520 | I did three tours at Best Buy on Black Friday. | 1.3317 | 0.04278 | 199 | 147 | 38 | 14 |
521 | And this one's a list of tweets where the President defended my war crimes. | 1.3317 | 0.04218 | 199 | 146 | 40 | 13 |
522 | It’s for bravery in fighting over the bar tab. | 1.3317 | 0.04218 | 199 | 146 | 40 | 13 |
523 | I ran the paperwork division. | 1.3317 | 0.04218 | 199 | 146 | 40 | 13 |
524 | And this one's for my time in the Pentagon budget office. | 1.3317 | 0.04188 | 199 | 148 | 37 | 14 |
525 | So you shop at CVS too? | 1.3317 | 0.03906 | 199 | 141 | 50 | 8 |
526 | I'm on an expense account. | 1.3299 | 0.04057 | 197 | 142 | 45 | 10 |
527 | Yes, the President ordered we wear the NATO countries that owe us money. | 1.3299 | 0.04423 | 197 | 148 | 33 | 16 |
528 | Niet, Fraulein, vy vould ve interfere vid your elections? | 1.3299 | 0.04305 | 197 | 146 | 37 | 14 |
529 | This is just a small list of awards I should have received. | 1.3299 | 0.04057 | 197 | 142 | 45 | 10 |
530 | Oh, that's my congressional committee testimony transcript. | 1.3299 | 0.04183 | 197 | 144 | 41 | 12 |
531 | That's for my time in the Merchant Marines. | 1.3299 | 0.04244 | 197 | 145 | 39 | 13 |
532 | It’s the receipt for a hammer | 1.3299 | 0.04539 | 197 | 150 | 29 | 18 |
533 | It's a running tally of what it's cost me to serve my country. | 1.3282 | 0.04332 | 195 | 145 | 36 | 14 |
534 | That one’s for overseeing the only defense contract to stay within budget. | 1.3282 | 0.04452 | 195 | 147 | 32 | 16 |
535 | I believe that honesty is showing exactly how you bought your way to the top. | 1.3282 | 0.04332 | 195 | 145 | 36 | 14 |
536 | And I earned this one for my role in Operation CVS Run. | 1.3282 | 0.04208 | 195 | 143 | 40 | 12 |
537 | They represent twelve years active combat and one morning buying dental floss at CVS. | 1.3245 | 0.04437 | 188 | 141 | 33 | 14 |
538 | Make sure you read the back too. | 1.3245 | 0.04563 | 188 | 143 | 29 | 16 |
539 | Yes, I survived the battle of CVS. | 1.3245 | 0.04104 | 188 | 136 | 43 | 9 |
540 | How else would I know what they're for? | 1.3245 | 0.04173 | 188 | 137 | 41 | 10 |
541 | The list of “should-have-been-medals,” is a touch passive-aggressive, Harry, but you look absolutely dapper! | 1.3245 | 0.04372 | 188 | 140 | 35 | 13 |
542 | This way I won't forget my $3 CVS coupon. | 1.3245 | 0.04307 | 188 | 139 | 37 | 12 |
543 | And that one is a CVS ExtraBucks reward I keep forgetting to use. | 1.3245 | 0.04173 | 188 | 137 | 41 | 10 |
544 | That's all the war crimes I've been pardoned for. | 1.3245 | 0.04501 | 188 | 142 | 31 | 15 |
545 | It’s the Ukranian Medal of Honor. | 1.3245 | 0.04372 | 188 | 140 | 35 | 13 |
546 | Actually, it’s your share of this year’s Defense budget. Will that be cash, check or credit card | 1.3245 | 0.04563 | 188 | 143 | 29 | 16 |
547 | We're now required to wear the transcript. | 1.3245 | 0.04240 | 188 | 138 | 39 | 11 |
548 | Ma'am! This piece of chest candy is my list of confirmed conversation killers since 21 hundred hours. | 1.3245 | 0.04240 | 188 | 138 | 39 | 11 |
549 | I once brought home everything on my wife’s grocery list. | 1.3245 | 0.04104 | 188 | 136 | 43 | 9 |
550 | ‘’...and my wife gave me that one.” | 1.3226 | 0.04198 | 186 | 136 | 40 | 10 |
551 | If and when my hearing comes, I want to prove now I bought the refreshments with my own money. | 1.3226 | 0.04198 | 186 | 136 | 40 | 10 |
552 | They had to list all my war crimes, too. | 1.3226 | 0.04401 | 186 | 139 | 34 | 13 |
553 | For heroism in office conflicts we get the Paper Heart. | 1.3226 | 0.04466 | 186 | 140 | 32 | 14 |
554 | You see this receipt? It's the cost of freedom. | 1.3226 | 0.04198 | 186 | 136 | 40 | 10 |
555 | The PX Commendation Medal. | 1.3226 | 0.04401 | 186 | 139 | 34 | 13 |
556 | I saved a lot that day. | 1.3226 | 0.04198 | 186 | 136 | 40 | 10 |
557 | Before I was in charge of military intelligence, I designed the receipts for CVS. | 1.3226 | 0.04401 | 186 | 139 | 34 | 13 |
558 | It’s a list of other other jobs I can do in case Trump fires me. | 1.3226 | 0.04198 | 186 | 136 | 40 | 10 |
559 | ...and I got that one for fighting the crowds on Black Friday. | 1.3207 | 0.04362 | 184 | 137 | 35 | 12 |
560 | I hear you're the most decorated CVS cashier. | 1.3207 | 0.04627 | 184 | 141 | 27 | 16 |
561 | Apparently I hit the wrong Target. | 1.3207 | 0.04430 | 184 | 138 | 33 | 13 |
562 | It’s a receipt. With cuts in military spending. I pay for my own medals. | 1.3207 | 0.04153 | 184 | 134 | 41 | 9 |
563 | It’s part of the new dress code. It shows how many times we’ve golfed at Mar-a-Lago. | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
564 | Yes, sniper, ma'am. I hit the Target. | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
565 | No wonder they call you Dollar General | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
566 | Walgreens is Hell. | 1.3207 | 0.04224 | 184 | 135 | 39 | 10 |
567 | Well, when you’ve been subpoenaed to testify in an impeachment hearing, you better have receipts.” | 1.3207 | 0.04362 | 184 | 137 | 35 | 12 |
568 | I am not the whistleblower. | 1.3207 | 0.04430 | 184 | 138 | 33 | 13 |
569 | As the Accountant General I itemize the price of freedom, Ma’am. | 1.3207 | 0.04153 | 184 | 134 | 41 | 9 |
570 | Before I joined the Army I worked at CVS | 1.3207 | 0.04562 | 184 | 140 | 29 | 15 |
571 | That's for surviving Costco's check-out line. | 1.3207 | 0.04153 | 184 | 134 | 41 | 9 |
572 | Yeah, I know I’ve had too many when I start to list. | 1.3207 | 0.04497 | 184 | 139 | 31 | 14 |
573 | But it's embarrassing when you pin the 'to do' list on my uniform. | 1.3207 | 0.04224 | 184 | 135 | 39 | 10 |
574 | I got this medal for the number of stays in the president's hotels. | 1.3207 | 0.04430 | 184 | 138 | 33 | 13 |
575 | That's my bar tab | 1.3207 | 0.04497 | 184 | 139 | 31 | 14 |
576 | That's my medal bucket list. | 1.3207 | 0.04153 | 184 | 134 | 41 | 9 |
577 | The long one? Afghanistan" | 1.3207 | 0.04224 | 184 | 135 | 39 | 10 |
578 | I left on a Dishonorable Over-Charge, as you can see. | 1.3207 | 0.04362 | 184 | 137 | 35 | 12 |
579 | It's a Medal for Bravery, earned while shopping at Costco over the holidays. | 1.3207 | 0.04430 | 184 | 138 | 33 | 13 |
580 | I got that one for bravery while serving in "The Black Friday Rush" at CVS. | 1.3207 | 0.04081 | 184 | 133 | 43 | 8 |
581 | I'm running a tab for service rendered. | 1.3207 | 0.04362 | 184 | 137 | 35 | 12 |
582 | That one’s for surviving the great Best Buy Black Friday of 2013. | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
583 | I'd let you read it, but then I'd have to kill you. | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
584 | I was on checkout duty | 1.3207 | 0.04117 | 184 | 141 | 30 | 13 |
585 | I'm extremely proud of my CVS reward points! | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
586 | Excuse me but I have a fax coming in from President Trump | 1.3207 | 0.04362 | 184 | 137 | 35 | 12 |
587 | You’re welcome for my service – here’s your bill | 1.3207 | 0.04430 | 184 | 138 | 33 | 13 |
588 | Ma’am please take your receipt. You’ve received bonus points toward your next military encounter. | 1.3207 | 0.04153 | 184 | 134 | 41 | 9 |
589 | I was wounded at the mall on Black Friday. | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
590 | I earned a coupon for ten dollars off my next war. | 1.3207 | 0.04294 | 184 | 136 | 37 | 11 |
591 | Yes ma’am, I served with General Ledger himself. | 1.3187 | 0.04251 | 182 | 134 | 38 | 10 |
592 | It’s Major Savings ma’am | 1.3187 | 0.03955 | 182 | 130 | 46 | 6 |
593 | Medal? No, that’s my CVS receipt. | 1.3167 | 0.04277 | 180 | 133 | 37 | 10 |
594 | And this one's for continuing to advance the impeachment process in the face of withering partisan firepower with complete disregard for my own future | 1.3167 | 0.04277 | 180 | 133 | 37 | 10 |
595 | As you can see I've been to CVS. | 1.3167 | 0.04490 | 180 | 136 | 31 | 13 |
596 | These ribbons cost me plenty. | 1.3167 | 0.04277 | 180 | 133 | 37 | 10 |
597 | It's instructions on how to blow a whistle. | 1.3146 | 0.04450 | 178 | 134 | 32 | 12 |
598 | Yes Ma'am, each citation is for a subpoena I refused to answer.. | 1.3146 | 0.04378 | 178 | 133 | 34 | 11 |
599 | I have a laundry list of decorations. | 1.3146 | 0.04450 | 178 | 134 | 32 | 12 |
600 | Ooh! I love a man who makes his background check readily available! | 1.3146 | 0.04520 | 178 | 135 | 30 | 13 |
601 | It's a fax. I never figured out email. | 1.3146 | 0.04305 | 178 | 132 | 36 | 10 |
602 | It's for shopping five days straight at CVS. | 1.3146 | 0.04520 | 178 | 135 | 30 | 13 |
603 | The medals are nice, but what's with your wife's shopping list? | 1.3146 | 0.04378 | 178 | 133 | 34 | 11 |
604 | That's a special commendation for surviving a visit to CVS. | 1.3146 | 0.03919 | 178 | 132 | 38 | 8 |
605 | You want the amortization? You can’t handle the amortization! | 1.3146 | 0.04230 | 178 | 131 | 38 | 9 |
606 | If I tear it off I cant return it | 1.3146 | 0.04230 | 178 | 131 | 38 | 9 |
607 | Am I on your naughty list? | 1.3146 | 0.04520 | 178 | 135 | 30 | 13 |
608 | I was wounded in the CVS at Ft. Dix. | 1.3146 | 0.04450 | 178 | 134 | 32 | 12 |
609 | I earned this one for bravery...and THIS one at the battle of CVS. | 1.3146 | 0.04341 | 178 | 135 | 31 | 12 |
610 | These medals came at a price. | 1.3125 | 0.04180 | 176 | 129 | 39 | 8 |
611 | Its seems that my Medals of Honor are going through an audit. | 1.3125 | 0.04332 | 176 | 131 | 35 | 10 |
612 | The White House lawyers recommended I keep a running list of all the things I might get subpoenaed for. | 1.3125 | 0.04552 | 176 | 134 | 29 | 13 |
613 | I kept forgetting the milk. | 1.3125 | 0.04180 | 176 | 129 | 39 | 8 |
614 | Oh, goodness sir, have all those charges been dismissed! | 1.3125 | 0.04480 | 176 | 133 | 31 | 12 |
615 | ...and the last badge is actually just an IOU from the government. | 1.3125 | 0.04219 | 176 | 132 | 34 | 10 |
616 | Master Chief Cashier at Old Navy. | 1.3114 | 0.04239 | 167 | 122 | 38 | 7 |
617 | The true cost of war is something most people will never know. | 1.3114 | 0.04645 | 167 | 127 | 28 | 12 |
618 | And I've got the receipt to prove it. | 1.3114 | 0.04065 | 167 | 120 | 42 | 5 |
619 | This is everything I need for a new arm. | 1.3103 | 0.04361 | 174 | 130 | 34 | 10 |
620 | It's the exact cost of bravery. | 1.3103 | 0.04206 | 174 | 128 | 38 | 8 |
621 | It's for paperwork under fire, damn it ! | 1.3103 | 0.04284 | 174 | 129 | 36 | 9 |
622 | Stand still. I think I saw a typo. | 1.3103 | 0.04399 | 174 | 133 | 29 | 12 |
623 | This read out answers all dumb questions about my ribbons. | 1.3103 | 0.04436 | 174 | 131 | 32 | 11 |
624 | It's a grocery list. My wife put it where she knew I would see it. | 1.3103 | 0.04511 | 174 | 132 | 30 | 12 |
625 | Fill out our online survey for a chance to win a no-bid procurement contract. | 1.3103 | 0.04126 | 174 | 127 | 40 | 7 |
626 | The President gave me a ticker tape parade. | 1.3103 | 0.03919 | 174 | 127 | 41 | 6 |
627 | I was awarded the Purple Heart and a CVS receipt. | 1.3103 | 0.04436 | 174 | 131 | 32 | 11 |
628 | Oh, and that one recognizes the paper trail I conquered. | 1.3099 | 0.03243 | 171 | 130 | 35 | 6 |
629 | That's the shortest CVS receipt I've ever seen. | 1.3099 | 0.04640 | 171 | 131 | 27 | 13 |
630 | Pre-cocktail chat terms and conditions, ma’am. | 1.3099 | 0.03827 | 171 | 121 | 47 | 3 |
631 | Generally speaking, I'm a take charge guy | 1.3099 | 0.04489 | 171 | 129 | 31 | 11 |
632 | That one's for the rescue mission at the CVS, Baghdad. | 1.3099 | 0.04489 | 171 | 129 | 31 | 11 |
633 | ..... And that's the receipt from Costco for all the medals. | 1.3099 | 0.04411 | 171 | 128 | 33 | 10 |
634 | I command a nuclear sub, but I can't remember what to get at the grocery store. | 1.3099 | 0.04489 | 171 | 129 | 31 | 11 |
635 | It's remembered now as "Black Friday" | 1.3099 | 0.04253 | 171 | 126 | 37 | 8 |
636 | I may have the commendations, Madam, but you have the chest to pin them on! | 1.3099 | 0.04713 | 171 | 132 | 25 | 14 |
637 | I said, 'I'm not getting our groceries!' and then she pulled rank. | 1.3099 | 0.04640 | 171 | 131 | 27 | 13 |
638 | I just want you to know that these medals came at a great personal cost. | 1.3099 | 0.04333 | 171 | 127 | 35 | 9 |
639 | Yes, I did actually pass by the dry cleaners. Why do you ask? | 1.3099 | 0.04333 | 171 | 127 | 35 | 9 |
640 | Mine's a rental, too. | 1.3099 | 0.04088 | 171 | 124 | 41 | 6 |
641 | My wife pins the grocery list there so I don't lose it. | 1.3099 | 0.04565 | 171 | 130 | 29 | 12 |
642 | What a fascinating list of all of your PTSD triggers. | 1.3099 | 0.04565 | 171 | 130 | 29 | 12 |
643 | I was awarded these ribbons by CVS. | 1.3099 | 0.04489 | 171 | 129 | 31 | 11 |
644 | "Yes, that's from the Battle of CVS. I don't like talking about it." | 1.3099 | 0.04713 | 171 | 132 | 25 | 14 |
645 | Would you like to fill out a quick online survey about your experience with the US Military for a chance to a win a $20 coupon? | 1.3099 | 0.04489 | 171 | 129 | 31 | 11 |
646 | I went into a Costco on a Saturday. I don’t like to talk about it. | 1.3099 | 0.04640 | 171 | 131 | 27 | 13 |
647 | Full disclosure . . . ex-wives. | 1.3099 | 0.04253 | 171 | 126 | 37 | 8 |
648 | So, what did you get at CVS? | 1.3095 | 0.04464 | 168 | 126 | 32 | 10 |
649 | It appears that you survived Whole Foods | 1.3095 | 0.04621 | 168 | 128 | 28 | 12 |
650 | Dollar General.” | 1.3077 | 0.04025 | 169 | 122 | 42 | 5 |
651 | This one is for extraordinary heroism in tax filing. | 1.3077 | 0.04441 | 169 | 127 | 32 | 10 |
652 | Well, I got tired of answering what the ribbons mean to civilians. | 1.3077 | 0.04361 | 169 | 126 | 34 | 9 |
653 | It's my 'Black Friday' combat ribbon | 1.3077 | 0.04441 | 169 | 127 | 32 | 10 |
654 | Oh wow, I see you were pardoned by more than two presidents. | 1.3077 | 0.04597 | 169 | 129 | 28 | 12 |
655 | No, that's not an ATM in my pocket. And, no, I'm not happy to see you. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
656 | ...and that's the one they give you for cost overruns. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
657 | That’s my commendation ribbon for heroism in the face of hostile tweets. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
658 | This one memorializes that fateful day when our batallion ran a bar tab that staggered even the Pentagon budgeters. | 1.3077 | 0.04441 | 169 | 127 | 32 | 10 |
659 | It's from my wife. A list of things they don't give medals for. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
660 | Just “checking you out” | 1.3077 | 0.04280 | 169 | 125 | 36 | 8 |
661 | Yet you women always complain when men stare at your chests ! | 1.3077 | 0.04597 | 169 | 129 | 28 | 12 |
662 | It’s the Pentagon shopping list. | 1.3077 | 0.04280 | 169 | 125 | 36 | 8 |
663 | And that's not even the half of it. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
664 | I assure you, Helen, we didn’t charge you twice for Somalia | 1.3077 | 0.04280 | 169 | 125 | 36 | 8 |
665 | You see, while I may have lost my medals, I did keep the receipt. | 1.3077 | 0.04673 | 169 | 130 | 26 | 13 |
666 | Please do not remove your card until prompted | 1.3077 | 0.04559 | 169 | 131 | 25 | 13 |
667 | It's my Purple heart disclaimer. | 1.3077 | 0.04196 | 169 | 124 | 38 | 7 |
668 | Well, the Commander in Chief insists that I receive his tweets. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
669 | Yes, I'm an Army pharmacist. Why do you ask? | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
670 | That's a note from my doctor excusing me from combat due to my bone spurs. | 1.3077 | 0.04821 | 169 | 132 | 22 | 15 |
671 | That one is from the Battle of CVS. | 1.3054 | 0.04858 | 167 | 131 | 21 | 15 |
672 | All I know is one is for losing my memory. | 1.3054 | 0.04307 | 167 | 124 | 35 | 8 |
673 | I check out at these holiday parties. | 1.3054 | 0.04431 | 167 | 128 | 28 | 11 |
674 | Retired. CVS. You? | 1.3054 | 0.04307 | 167 | 124 | 35 | 8 |
675 | We're looking at going paperless | 1.3054 | 0.04222 | 167 | 123 | 37 | 7 |
676 | You paid how much for that uniform? | 1.3054 | 0.04431 | 167 | 128 | 28 | 11 |
677 | For I am the very model of a modern major general! | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
678 | It's a receipt for ribbons and medals that are back-ordered. | 1.3054 | 0.04390 | 167 | 125 | 33 | 9 |
679 | Most of them are from my time in ‘nam, but one’s from last Thursday in CVS. | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
680 | It's the pronouns preferred by each of my direct reports. | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
681 | I was awarded that one for Black Friday bravery. | 1.3054 | 0.04551 | 167 | 127 | 29 | 11 |
682 | Are those all tweets from your boss?? | 1.3054 | 0.04551 | 167 | 127 | 29 | 11 |
683 | Stop staring and thank me for my service! | 1.3054 | 0.04307 | 167 | 124 | 35 | 8 |
684 | I don't remember paying for that war. | 1.3054 | 0.04630 | 167 | 128 | 27 | 12 |
685 | Need any moisturizer? I have coupons for it this week. | 1.3054 | 0.04630 | 167 | 128 | 27 | 12 |
686 | Yah, I scored bigtime on Black Friday. Tanks 20% off, grenades 30% off, bombs buy one get one free. | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
687 | So the Trump staff tweets the talking points in real time? | 1.3054 | 0.04551 | 167 | 127 | 29 | 11 |
688 | If you fill out the survey at the bottom you'll be eligible for a discount on your next purchase. | 1.3054 | 0.03958 | 167 | 120 | 43 | 4 |
689 | Its a list of witnesses in case any of my military acts need to be pardoned. | 1.3054 | 0.04551 | 167 | 127 | 29 | 11 |
690 | Distinguished Service, Walmart, Black Friday. | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
691 | I was awarded this by the Procurement Department. It's the receipt for a $300 toilet seat. | 1.3054 | 0.04136 | 167 | 122 | 39 | 6 |
692 | People just want to look at my chest. Care to tell me how to handle this? | 1.3054 | 0.04630 | 167 | 128 | 27 | 12 |
693 | Combat Readiness Ribbon ma'am. Walmart platoon...Black Friday Ops...zero dark thirty. | 1.3054 | 0.04551 | 167 | 127 | 29 | 11 |
694 | Oh, a medal list, I thought you said medalist. | 1.3054 | 0.04307 | 167 | 124 | 35 | 8 |
695 | ...there's really no need to read this, it's all listed on my tinder profile. | 1.3054 | 0.04390 | 167 | 125 | 33 | 9 |
696 | It's from the War of 15 Items or Less. | 1.3054 | 0.04307 | 167 | 124 | 35 | 8 |
697 | No, it is not a purple heart, though you may also have noticed that my dry cleaners charged an arm and a leg. | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
698 | I was cashiered out. | 1.3054 | 0.04390 | 167 | 125 | 33 | 9 |
699 | That one is for increasing the pentagon budget by twenty percent. | 1.3054 | 0.04390 | 167 | 125 | 33 | 9 |
700 | All the ribbons fit to print. | 1.3054 | 0.04307 | 167 | 124 | 35 | 8 |
701 | Excuse me, the President is sending me new orders. | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
702 | I see you served in Kiev | 1.3054 | 0.04551 | 167 | 127 | 29 | 11 |
703 | Myra,I'll remember the groceries without you pinning the list on me. | 1.3054 | 0.04431 | 167 | 128 | 28 | 11 |
704 | Campaign ribbon, bar tab tally. | 1.3054 | 0.04390 | 167 | 125 | 33 | 9 |
705 | I was awarded that after a Black Friday tour at Best Buy | 1.3054 | 0.04390 | 167 | 125 | 33 | 9 |
706 | Oh that’s just my receipt from CVS | 1.3054 | 0.04471 | 167 | 126 | 31 | 10 |
707 | I said freedom ain’t for free…and now here’s your bill. | 1.3054 | 0.04003 | 167 | 128 | 30 | 9 |
708 | Got that one for diligently rooting out and then covering up government waste. | 1.3030 | 0.04249 | 165 | 122 | 36 | 7 |
709 | Don’t ask, just read. | 1.3030 | 0.04249 | 165 | 122 | 36 | 7 |
710 | These are tweet medals the President has sent me . | 1.3030 | 0.04663 | 165 | 127 | 26 | 12 |
711 | As part of the new zero waste program, I have to wear the department budget. And before you say anything, I don’t know how “Biden Research” got on there. | 1.3030 | 0.04819 | 165 | 129 | 22 | 14 |
712 | At the Pentagon, some people call me the Drugstore Cowboy, some people call me the Gangster of Love. | 1.3030 | 0.04502 | 165 | 125 | 30 | 10 |
713 | Those? The overruns on the new bomber. | 1.3030 | 0.04663 | 165 | 127 | 26 | 12 |
714 | This is what it now means to be a 'commissioned officer'. | 1.3030 | 0.04249 | 165 | 122 | 36 | 7 |
715 | As you can see, the cost of war is going up. | 1.3013 | 0.04762 | 156 | 120 | 25 | 11 |
716 | It's for not killing anyone while waiting for my CVS receipt. | 1.3013 | 0.04762 | 156 | 120 | 25 | 11 |
717 | CVS sponsors the military now? | 1.3013 | 0.04494 | 156 | 117 | 31 | 8 |
718 | This new administration is forcing the military to list to the left. | 1.3013 | 0.04675 | 156 | 119 | 27 | 10 |
719 | They can subpoena me. As you can see, I have the receipts. | 1.3013 | 0.04494 | 156 | 117 | 31 | 8 |
720 | That’s for my service in the never-ending wars | 1.3013 | 0.04585 | 156 | 118 | 29 | 9 |
721 | I command the CVS division | 1.3013 | 0.04762 | 156 | 120 | 25 | 11 |
722 | These are only of few of my best pickup lines... | 1.3013 | 0.04585 | 156 | 118 | 29 | 9 |
723 | I'm in the doghouse at home, and so, Yes Ma'am, that is indeed my wife's grocery list. | 1.3013 | 0.04494 | 156 | 117 | 31 | 8 |
724 | It’s the White Tape commendation for reading all of the Presidents tweets. | 1.3013 | 0.04848 | 156 | 121 | 23 | 12 |
725 | My list of White House Rules | 1.3013 | 0.04401 | 156 | 116 | 33 | 7 |
726 | I moonlight as a cash register. | 1.3013 | 0.04401 | 156 | 116 | 33 | 7 |
727 | That one catalogs POTUS's untruths. | 1.3013 | 0.04848 | 156 | 121 | 23 | 12 |
728 | Actually I'm in Supply. This is today's Costco list. | 1.3013 | 0.04401 | 156 | 116 | 33 | 7 |
729 | Oh, that's just my Twitter feed. | 1.3013 | 0.04848 | 156 | 121 | 23 | 12 |
730 | Is that toilet paper?, oh you must be footman to the President. | 1.3013 | 0.03685 | 156 | 124 | 23 | 9 |
731 | Is that your subpoena or resignation letter? They're going around like candy these days. | 1.3013 | 0.04933 | 156 | 122 | 21 | 13 |
732 | To be a General you have to be constantly calculating. | 1.3013 | 0.04494 | 156 | 117 | 31 | 8 |
733 | My wife wants me to stop at the grocery store after the party. | 1.3013 | 0.04630 | 156 | 121 | 24 | 11 |
734 | I got that one for being in Walmart on a Saturday. | 1.3013 | 0.04585 | 156 | 118 | 29 | 9 |
735 | That one's for Operation Extreme Couponing. | 1.3013 | 0.04762 | 156 | 120 | 25 | 11 |
736 | Oh that. My wife doesn't' trust me to remember the grocery list. | 1.3000 | 0.04590 | 160 | 122 | 28 | 10 |
737 | Awards bestowed three years ago...now awaiting Senate approval. | 1.3000 | 0.04416 | 160 | 120 | 32 | 8 |
738 | Yes ma'am, you are correct, it is a toupee. Conversely, are those puppies real? | 1.3000 | 0.05078 | 160 | 128 | 16 | 16 |
739 | I command the commissary | 1.3000 | 0.04416 | 160 | 120 | 32 | 8 |
740 | Your tax dollars at work, mam. | 1.3000 | 0.04044 | 160 | 121 | 32 | 7 |
741 | Oh that? it's a CVS receipt. | 1.3000 | 0.04326 | 160 | 119 | 34 | 7 |
742 | And that one’s for buying shit at Costco. | 1.3000 | 0.04504 | 160 | 121 | 30 | 9 |
743 | Step back. Anything that prints out is classified. | 1.3000 | 0.04234 | 160 | 118 | 36 | 6 |
744 | What was the $12.99 for? | 1.3000 | 0.04234 | 160 | 118 | 36 | 6 |
745 | Every time someone thanks me for my service I give them a receipt | 1.3000 | 0.04416 | 160 | 120 | 32 | 8 |
746 | And that one is for standing in line at Costco's the day before Thanksgiving. | 1.3000 | 0.04504 | 160 | 121 | 30 | 9 |
747 | Trump's tweets about me. | 1.3000 | 0.04590 | 160 | 122 | 28 | 10 |
748 | Could you check it and confirm I received the military discount. | 1.3000 | 0.04504 | 160 | 121 | 30 | 9 |
749 | It's a list of talking points from the President. | 1.3000 | 0.04675 | 160 | 123 | 26 | 11 |
750 | I’m the comptroller-general. | 1.3000 | 0.04504 | 160 | 121 | 30 | 9 |
751 | Apparently “Target” is also some kind of shopping market. | 1.2975 | 0.04535 | 158 | 120 | 29 | 9 |
752 | So those are "pending"? | 1.2975 | 0.04445 | 158 | 119 | 31 | 8 |
753 | It's a list of the battles I lost to my wife. | 1.2975 | 0.04710 | 158 | 122 | 25 | 11 |
754 | Who do you think came up with the $600 toilet seats and $400 hammers . | 1.2975 | 0.04354 | 158 | 118 | 33 | 7 |
755 | You’re welcome and that’s the receipt for my service. | 1.2975 | 0.05120 | 158 | 127 | 15 | 16 |
756 | They are for good conduct in treacherous social settings. | 1.2949 | 0.04831 | 156 | 122 | 22 | 12 |
757 | The label has to stay on - it's a federal law. | 1.2949 | 0.04657 | 156 | 120 | 26 | 10 |
758 | "Actually it's my medals wish list. | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
759 | The price of victory | 1.2949 | 0.04567 | 156 | 119 | 28 | 9 |
760 | Just ongoing grand jury testimony. | 1.2949 | 0.04189 | 156 | 115 | 36 | 5 |
761 | It’s a disclaimer, stating that: as a decent citizen; I would blow a whistle; if provoked | 1.2949 | 0.04657 | 156 | 120 | 26 | 10 |
762 | I’m so tired of explaining each one, I just let people read the list. | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
763 | I like to let my military achievements text for themselves. | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
764 | The president requires us to wear an NDA. | 1.2949 | 0.04382 | 156 | 117 | 32 | 7 |
765 | It’s not a medal. My wife pins me with the grocery list. | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
766 | Please read the small print before I grope you. | 1.2949 | 0.04567 | 156 | 119 | 28 | 9 |
767 | Oh, I see you've worked in the Trump administration - in several positions. | 1.2949 | 0.04567 | 156 | 119 | 28 | 9 |
768 | Those are my military awards I have received via Twitter | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 123 | 22 | 11 |
769 | I served under Trump, so there are extenuating circumstances. | 1.2949 | 0.04382 | 156 | 117 | 32 | 7 |
770 | They ran out of medals so they gave me a raincheck. | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
771 | This is proof of the high cost of war. | 1.2949 | 0.04287 | 156 | 116 | 34 | 6 |
772 | I earned these medals, and these tweets. | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
773 | If Congress won't take me at my word, I have the receipts to prove it! | 1.2949 | 0.04476 | 156 | 118 | 30 | 8 |
774 | It's the Award of Merit for Distinguished Budgetary Audacity. | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
775 | I got that one for a covert op at CVS. | 1.2922 | 0.04600 | 154 | 118 | 27 | 9 |
776 | Defense Appropriations Medal, Madam. | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
777 | If you are brave enough, eventually you run out of space. | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
778 | Mr. Trump said the military must be ready for a ticker tape parade at all times. | 1.2922 | 0.04411 | 154 | 116 | 31 | 7 |
779 | Who says the military is never held to account? | 1.2922 | 0.04600 | 154 | 118 | 27 | 9 |
780 | No! I am NOT Romney and this is NOT a Pentagon ATM!” | 1.2922 | 0.03248 | 154 | 123 | 24 | 7 |
781 | It's a Combat Action Receipt for Black Friday at Walmart. | 1.2922 | 0.04781 | 154 | 120 | 23 | 11 |
782 | Most of them are from me answering "Yes", to people asking, "What? Do you want a medal for that!" | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
783 | Lean budget: we are running out of ribbons and medals. We are replacing them with a printout of our merits... | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
784 | It helps when I don't know what I don't know. | 1.2922 | 0.04600 | 154 | 118 | 27 | 9 |
785 | It was awarded for Black Friday 2018. | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
786 | I also accept tips. | 1.2922 | 0.04600 | 154 | 118 | 27 | 9 |
787 | Pick a war..any war. | 1.2922 | 0.04506 | 154 | 117 | 29 | 8 |
788 | It’s my pardon, I don’t leave home without it. | 1.2922 | 0.04314 | 154 | 115 | 33 | 6 |
789 | It's all the pins I'm entitled to after a pardon from the President. | 1.2922 | 0.04781 | 154 | 120 | 23 | 11 |
790 | I got these during my two tours in 'Aisle 5'. | 1.2922 | 0.04600 | 154 | 118 | 27 | 9 |
791 | Good Conduct in the Czech-out line.. | 1.2922 | 0.04781 | 154 | 120 | 23 | 11 |
792 | It's the easiest way to keep up with all the changes. | 1.2895 | 0.04538 | 152 | 116 | 28 | 8 |
793 | The commander-in-chief is tweeting again. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
794 | The Administration gave me a receipt for my ethics. | 1.2886 | 0.04883 | 149 | 117 | 21 | 11 |
795 | It means I was cashiered. Any other stupid questions? | 1.2886 | 0.04497 | 149 | 113 | 29 | 7 |
796 | It was awarded for extraordinary deficit procurement | 1.2886 | 0.04596 | 149 | 114 | 27 | 8 |
797 | Yes, it's a receipt. Did you think they gave these things away? | 1.2886 | 0.04596 | 149 | 114 | 27 | 8 |
798 | This is from the cost overrun campaign. | 1.2886 | 0.04237 | 149 | 113 | 30 | 6 |
799 | For injuries sustained during a brief incursion with my wife into Bloomingdale's lingerie department on Black Friday. | 1.2886 | 0.04694 | 149 | 115 | 25 | 9 |
800 | For valor in shopping at CVS. | 1.2886 | 0.04694 | 149 | 115 | 25 | 9 |
801 | I. Am. A. Robot. I am printing your drink receipt. Running. Out. Of. Ink. | 1.2886 | 0.04596 | 149 | 114 | 27 | 8 |
802 | I earned this one on Black Friday. | 1.2886 | 0.04596 | 149 | 114 | 27 | 8 |
803 | Everyone asks. I was in the purchasing department. | 1.2886 | 0.04290 | 149 | 111 | 33 | 5 |
804 | It’s for Bravery Before Congress and its the actual transcript. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
805 | If you fill out their evaluation before midnight, they'll send four more ribbons. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
806 | I won that one for bravery at a CVS register. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
807 | It happens every time I used the self-check-out. | 1.2886 | 0.04497 | 149 | 113 | 29 | 7 |
808 | ...and this one is from the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.2886 | 0.04694 | 149 | 115 | 25 | 9 |
809 | That one's for being in charge of procurement. | 1.2886 | 0.04290 | 149 | 111 | 33 | 5 |
810 | Just call me Prince Charmin. | 1.2886 | 0.04883 | 149 | 117 | 21 | 11 |
811 | It's my pardon. | 1.2886 | 0.04596 | 149 | 114 | 27 | 8 |
812 | You're a taxpayer! Do you want your receipt? | 1.2886 | 0.04694 | 149 | 115 | 25 | 9 |
813 | Ma'am, you're giving me a military industrial complex. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
814 | CV? Oh no, CVS. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
815 | See any foreign interests I can interest you in? | 1.2886 | 0.04975 | 149 | 118 | 19 | 12 |
816 | That one’s for valor displayed in the skirmish of aisle four at the CVS on West 77th. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
817 | ...and this one is for my achievements in military spending. | 1.2886 | 0.04883 | 149 | 117 | 21 | 11 |
818 | A political statement about the U.S. military being for sale to foreign dictators? Ma'am I... Aw, heck! I forgot to take the dang ticket off at the cleaner's again. | 1.2886 | 0.04497 | 149 | 113 | 29 | 7 |
819 | This conversation alone has cost the taxpayers $1,000. | 1.2886 | 0.04290 | 149 | 111 | 33 | 5 |
820 | From the Commander in Chief : A bill to NATO. | 1.2886 | 0.04290 | 149 | 111 | 33 | 5 |
821 | And that's for my time at CVS | 1.2886 | 0.04975 | 149 | 118 | 19 | 12 |
822 | It's just a rough estimate of what my career costs in taxpayer dollars | 1.2886 | 0.04497 | 149 | 113 | 29 | 7 |
823 | Yes, it is my Christmas wish list. Proud to serve. Proud to believe! | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
824 | Four star coupons | 1.2886 | 0.03339 | 149 | 118 | 25 | 6 |
825 | Lighter than hanging 50 medals! | 1.2886 | 0.04290 | 149 | 111 | 33 | 5 |
826 | Including tips? | 1.2886 | 0.04073 | 149 | 109 | 37 | 3 |
827 | I believe that there must be accountability in the armed forces... | 1.2886 | 0.04694 | 149 | 115 | 25 | 9 |
828 | My medal for small talk comes with over thirty conversation topics if you’d like to choose one? | 1.2886 | 0.04497 | 149 | 113 | 29 | 7 |
829 | You’re welcome. This is the itemized bill for my service. | 1.2886 | 0.04694 | 149 | 115 | 25 | 9 |
830 | What’s this? An itemized receipt for loss of marriage, loss of children, loss of house, loss of limb et al. Goodness me, how does one assess the value?” “Well, ma’am, I thought the phrase ‘Thank you for your sacrifice’ could use some specificity. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
831 | It says I have 30 days to decide if I want to return the medal. | 1.2886 | 0.04497 | 149 | 113 | 29 | 7 |
832 | Then I realized that I was forgetting about all the LinkedIn endorsements... | 1.2886 | 0.04883 | 149 | 117 | 21 | 11 |
833 | That one is 'Best in Show.' | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
834 | It was a particularly dangerous CVS. | 1.2857 | 0.04922 | 147 | 116 | 20 | 11 |
835 | It's a new attempt to make military spending readily transparent to the public. | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
836 | Rock, paper, scissors. | 1.2857 | 0.04922 | 147 | 116 | 20 | 11 |
837 | There’s a new one every week, so we’ve gone electronic. | 1.2857 | 0.04827 | 147 | 115 | 22 | 10 |
838 | That one is for snagging the best Black Friday deals at Costco. | 1.2857 | 0.04729 | 147 | 114 | 24 | 9 |
839 | Well, you look good on paper but... | 1.2857 | 0.04827 | 147 | 115 | 22 | 10 |
840 | Ironically, it was awarded to me for reducing Pentagon waste! | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
841 | Are you looking at my chest? | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
842 | What makes you think I bought any of these? | 1.2857 | 0.04208 | 147 | 109 | 34 | 4 |
843 | I am now required to wear a lie meter | 1.2857 | 0.04922 | 147 | 116 | 20 | 11 |
844 | and this one was given to me by the industrial military complex | 1.2857 | 0.04827 | 147 | 115 | 22 | 10 |
845 | Iraq, Afganistan, CVS. | 1.2857 | 0.04424 | 147 | 111 | 30 | 6 |
846 | I didn't charge you for the bit about Jim Mattis; the rest comes to $28.50 | 1.2857 | 0.04630 | 147 | 113 | 26 | 8 |
847 | The Battle of Black Friday saw some of my finest accomplishments. | 1.2857 | 0.04922 | 147 | 116 | 20 | 11 |
848 | I've kept the receipts, just in case the honors need to be returned. | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
849 | Your best before date was yesterday. | 1.2857 | 0.04424 | 147 | 111 | 30 | 6 |
850 | It's a receipt for the medals I bought. | 1.2857 | 0.04424 | 147 | 111 | 30 | 6 |
851 | That I received after I single-handedly saved more than 2000 bonus points. | 1.2857 | 0.04630 | 147 | 113 | 26 | 8 |
852 | Well, I also like to keep abreast of what's happening on Wall Street." | 1.2857 | 0.04096 | 147 | 108 | 36 | 3 |
853 | I received that award by email, as well." | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
854 | It's a petition to the Commander in Chief to revoke his authority to poke his nose in the Pentagon's affairs. Care to sign? | 1.2857 | 0.04922 | 147 | 116 | 20 | 11 |
855 | I kick butt and take names. | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
856 | It's a subpoena. | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
857 | I now deeply regret winning the Medal for Valorous Accounting. | 1.2857 | 0.04424 | 147 | 111 | 30 | 6 |
858 | These are just the cover-ups that have been declassified. | 1.2857 | 0.04208 | 147 | 109 | 34 | 4 |
859 | My 24/7 duty is to read in real-time the President's twitter feed. The medals light up to alert me to DEFCON changes. And my tie cinches tighter whenever the press asks the President a hard question about the military. | 1.2857 | 0.05199 | 147 | 119 | 14 | 14 |
860 | I hate it when the President has me pick up groceries. | 1.2857 | 0.04317 | 147 | 110 | 32 | 5 |
861 | You can remove your credit card now. | 1.2857 | 0.04729 | 147 | 114 | 24 | 9 |
862 | Thank you for your weapons purchase. Your receipt is printing now. | 1.2838 | 0.04398 | 148 | 112 | 30 | 6 |
863 | My wife insists I'll forget to pickup groceries. | 1.2828 | 0.04714 | 145 | 115 | 20 | 10 |
864 | I knew I recognized you from somewhere. Costco, right? | 1.2828 | 0.04559 | 145 | 111 | 27 | 7 |
865 | It's a list of favors I owe Trump. One for each medal. | 1.2828 | 0.04864 | 145 | 114 | 21 | 10 |
866 | That's the transcript of my testimony. | 1.2828 | 0.04559 | 145 | 111 | 27 | 7 |
867 | They’re I.O.U’s since the last sequestration. | 1.2828 | 0.04233 | 145 | 108 | 33 | 4 |
868 | These days accountability takes many forms. | 1.2828 | 0.04344 | 145 | 109 | 31 | 5 |
869 | Ah! Yes, well, HOPING for reimbursements. | 1.2828 | 0.04663 | 145 | 112 | 25 | 8 |
870 | I got that for my tour of duty at the CVS in Kandahar. | 1.2828 | 0.04559 | 145 | 111 | 27 | 7 |
871 | They didn't give me all the medals I deserved so I wrote them down. | 1.2828 | 0.04663 | 145 | 112 | 25 | 8 |
872 | Personal conquest,,,,wanna add your name? | 1.2828 | 0.04663 | 145 | 112 | 25 | 8 |
873 | Yes, I do shop at CVS. | 1.2828 | 0.04453 | 145 | 110 | 29 | 6 |
874 | I got that one for valor at the Battle of CVS | 1.2828 | 0.04864 | 145 | 114 | 21 | 10 |
875 | Let's just say I was *pretty* high up at CVS! | 1.2828 | 0.04765 | 145 | 113 | 23 | 9 |
876 | It's for meritorious spending in time of peace." | 1.2828 | 0.04453 | 145 | 110 | 29 | 6 |
877 | Got it for saving a fax machine under heavy fire. | 1.2828 | 0.04559 | 145 | 111 | 27 | 7 |
878 | This one I got for shopping with the wife on Black Friday. | 1.2828 | 0.04559 | 145 | 111 | 27 | 7 |
879 | Oh, don't worry about the running tab. We'll get the taxpayers to cover. | 1.2828 | 0.04453 | 145 | 110 | 29 | 6 |
880 | I was awarded this one for the battle of Wal-Mart, black friday, 2010 | 1.2828 | 0.04000 | 145 | 116 | 21 | 8 |
881 | It’s the receipt. They’re rented. You got a problem with that?” | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
882 | I'm issuing you a security clearance to my pants. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
883 | Jot down your name and number to thank me for my service. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
884 | Been to CVS lately? | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
885 | It's a running total of government ecpenditure for our night out | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
886 | Yes, ma'am. I served in the Banana Republic. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
887 | Inducted in ‘73, cashiered in ‘13. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
888 | The tab’s on me. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
889 | As you can see, I'm not a complete sell out. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
890 | Is that a CVS receipt? | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
891 | It’s an itemized bill for people who honestly want to thank me for my service. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
892 | Mostly for combat, but that one’s from CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
893 | ...and that one is for distinguished service at CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.05195 | 143 | 116 | 14 | 13 |
894 | Overbudget one lousy billion dollar officer's john and they never let you forget. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
895 | I'm tired of explaining what they're for. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
896 | I got this one for bombing Costco | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
897 | It's an 'I participated' ribbon. Budget cuts, you know. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
898 | Black Friday at CVS left scars. | 1.2797 | 0.04645 | 143 | 113 | 21 | 9 |
899 | It may look a little out of place but this is a big deal in Army Accounting. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
900 | It’s the receipt for my political contributions. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
901 | I'm the general in charge of the Office of Management and Budget. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
902 | They gave us a printer since our orders come via Twitter these days. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
903 | They came at a price. | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
904 | No, it isn’t a receipt from a costume shop! | 1.2797 | 0.04372 | 143 | 108 | 30 | 5 |
905 | I'm a five-star general at CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.05002 | 143 | 114 | 18 | 11 |
906 | Actually, I'm the General's teleprompter. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
907 | So, according to that Haliburton receipt those patches cost $250,000? | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
908 | Wow! A list of wars you’ve fought in since I was born. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
909 | I didn't know they give medals for accounting. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
910 | My wife asked me to do the shopping this week. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
911 | New medals designed by Banksy. Please don’t pull on it. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
912 | I have to stop for groceries on the way home. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
913 | That one I got at Dollar General. | 1.2797 | 0.05002 | 143 | 114 | 18 | 11 |
914 | My wife stitched this one on to remind me of what to pick up on the way home. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
915 | How long have you been Lieutenant Commander of CVS? | 1.2797 | 0.05002 | 143 | 114 | 18 | 11 |
916 | I was running out of jacket. | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
917 | That’s the disclaimer. | 1.2797 | 0.04372 | 143 | 108 | 30 | 5 |
918 | No, it's a grocery list my wife gave me. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
919 | Black Friday 2018. Brick and mortar everywhere. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
920 | It's a list of orders from my wife. | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
921 | I can't speak to that but you can read my thoughts. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
922 | You thought your outfit is expensive? Check how much mine costs taxpayers! | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
923 | Those are the president's tweets about me | 1.2797 | 0.04258 | 143 | 107 | 32 | 4 |
924 | This is my receipt for claiming that Trump is a true patriot. | 1.2797 | 0.05002 | 143 | 114 | 18 | 11 |
925 | I received this Customer Service Ribbon in the 6th Ave CVS Division. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
926 | No, that is not a receipt for my "little costume." | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
927 | The ribbon? It’s my wife’s grocery list. If I forget the sugar this time, she’ll take my right arm. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
928 | I served in CVS, Walgreens and Costco | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
929 | Oh, sorry; did you say you'd prefer your receipt emailed?" | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
930 | The Battle of CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
931 | Since no one knows what they mean, I printed a list of descriptions. | 1.2797 | 0.04372 | 143 | 108 | 30 | 5 |
932 | That one was for telling the Commander-in-Chief to go fuck himself. | 1.2797 | 0.05100 | 143 | 115 | 16 | 12 |
933 | I got this one after my second tour of duty at CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
934 | is that my bar tab? | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
935 | I was once wounded shopping at a CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
936 | It's my bucket list for other medals. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
937 | If my resignation is requested, Costco's uniform refund policy applies. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
938 | I find it best to keep a transcript of all my conversations. You can keep the paper copy of this one. | 1.2797 | 0.04592 | 143 | 110 | 26 | 7 |
939 | Sure, I love explaining why we spend so much on defense. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
940 | I am just as proud to say that I did the grocery shopping this week. | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
941 | It's a list explaining all the decorations. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
942 | Why yes, I am in procurement and supply. How did you know? | 1.2797 | 0.04372 | 143 | 108 | 30 | 5 |
943 | No! I earned these without any help from President Trump. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
944 | I got tired of explaining what the medals are for so I made a list for anyone who cares to read it. | 1.2797 | 0.04372 | 143 | 108 | 30 | 5 |
945 | That one is for valiantly shopping at CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
946 | It's amazing really. The longer I support Trump, the longer my list of accomplishments. May I grab your pussy now? | 1.2797 | 0.05002 | 143 | 114 | 18 | 11 |
947 | Distinguished Secret Shopper. | 1.2797 | 0.05002 | 143 | 114 | 18 | 11 |
948 | And this one is for serving at the front of CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
949 | I really do have a laundry list of accomplishments. | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
950 | I'm being monitored for cost overruns. | 1.2797 | 0.04258 | 143 | 107 | 32 | 4 |
951 | Oh my! I thought the drinks were free | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
952 | I broke up a fistfight at CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
953 | They were all bad people, mam. | 1.2797 | 0.04801 | 143 | 112 | 22 | 9 |
954 | I got them at CVS. | 1.2797 | 0.05195 | 143 | 116 | 14 | 13 |
955 | This one I got from being at Walmart on a Saturday. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
956 | This is the list of President insults to Army. | 1.2797 | 0.04903 | 143 | 113 | 20 | 10 |
957 | For some reason they called me The Human Calculator at West Point. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
958 | I told them we shouldn't buy our uniforms from CVS, but here we are. | 1.2797 | 0.04483 | 143 | 109 | 28 | 6 |
959 | No, that one is from Haliburton. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
960 | I run the Pentagon's procurement office. | 1.2797 | 0.04698 | 143 | 111 | 24 | 8 |
961 | Until I know whether we were on the right side of history, I'm keeping the gift receipt attached to the ribbon bar. | 1.2787 | 0.05239 | 122 | 96 | 18 | 8 |
962 | Military accountants don't get medals we get tally sheets | 1.2766 | 0.04624 | 141 | 109 | 25 | 7 |
963 | Black Friday, 1983. I never did get that Cabbage Patch Kid. | 1.2766 | 0.04624 | 141 | 109 | 25 | 7 |
964 | I have a grocery list of achievements. | 1.2766 | 0.04400 | 141 | 107 | 29 | 5 |
965 | No Mam, it's not for being in the most ticker tape parades. | 1.2766 | 0.04838 | 141 | 111 | 21 | 9 |
966 | One more and I get a pinata. | 1.2766 | 0.04400 | 141 | 107 | 29 | 5 |
967 | ... Vietnam, Kuwait, Mosul.... And that one's my wife's grocery list. | 1.2766 | 0.04283 | 141 | 106 | 31 | 4 |
968 | That day there was no receipt, no surrender. | 1.2766 | 0.04513 | 141 | 108 | 27 | 6 |
969 | My wife doesn't let me go anywhere without a to-do list! | 1.2766 | 0.04624 | 141 | 109 | 25 | 7 |
970 | I made sure they gave me a receipt when i pawned my other medals off. | 1.2766 | 0.04838 | 141 | 111 | 21 | 9 |
971 | It’s from my time in the Walgreen Berets. | 1.2766 | 0.04624 | 141 | 109 | 25 | 7 |
972 | It's my list of who's naughty and nice. | 1.2766 | 0.04733 | 141 | 110 | 23 | 8 |
973 | Yes, and that one is from Black Friday 1993, Mall of America. | 1.2766 | 0.04838 | 141 | 111 | 21 | 9 |
974 | CIA and CVS | 1.2766 | 0.04624 | 141 | 109 | 25 | 7 |
975 | Good News Mam, you've saved $5.24 on new defense spending! | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
976 | They said they could kill two birds with one stone if I let them attach tonight’s menu. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
977 | And that one I received from CVS for hydrating ointment. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
978 | And that's how we won the war on Christmas. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
979 | That one's for self-checkout. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
980 | 'I'm doing some consulting work for CVS Pharmacy.' | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
981 | It was either this or have my citations e-mailed to me. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
982 | I thought your Tinder profile said you like army badges. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
983 | I spent the war as an ink jet pilot. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
984 | It's the new medal for cyber warfare. | 1.2754 | 0.04908 | 138 | 109 | 20 | 9 |
985 | I see you were wounded during Black Friday. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
986 | To break the ice, I’ve attached a list of questions about my service ribbons that you may want to ask me. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
987 | I wondered where I put my grocery list | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
988 | It's not a medal. I just got some gum at CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
989 | I did two tours in CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
990 | This is the 3rd retirement party in 3 nights. Yeah, he said that he doesn't need Generals anymore. | 1.2754 | 0.04908 | 138 | 109 | 20 | 9 |
991 | That one’s from my stint in the CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
992 | All those battles ma'am. They come with a price tag. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
993 | That’s for Operation Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
994 | I earned that at the Battle of CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
995 | If you absolutely must know, it’s a shopping list from my wife. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
996 | It appears I've been subpoenaed for that last comment. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
997 | It's my duty to inform you that my eyes are up here, ma'am! | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
998 | So Saudi Arabia is paying for the wine as well? | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
999 | Sorry, you're not on my dance list | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1000 | First, I was wined and dined. Now I'm running a tab. Firing by Tweet is only a matter of time. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
1001 | Like everyone else here I'm for sale. Take a number. | 1.2754 | 0.05119 | 138 | 111 | 16 | 11 |
1002 | Those are the legal disclaimers that go with all of my pins. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
1003 | His list of insults grows by the tweet. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
1004 | I see you served three tours in the Amazon fulfillment center. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1005 | Black Friday Sale, 1993. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1006 | It's his Tweet readout. You never know. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
1007 | That one is for my service at CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1008 | Tweets, for the latest directives. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1009 | Don´t mean to brag, but it´s this long" | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1010 | I kept the receipt so I can return them after the party. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
1011 | Mexico's definitely paying for it | 1.2754 | 0.03953 | 138 | 106 | 28 | 4 |
1012 | Everything comes with a price | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1013 | What makes you think I'm upset about the reception tab? | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
1014 | The receipt's for courageous shopping at a Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
1015 | Sixty thousand followers on Instagram etc. etc. etc. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1016 | My last commission was at CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
1017 | Yes, I know its a bit odd, but my wife swears I'll forget the shopping list unless she pins it on me every day. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 111 | 18 | 9 |
1018 | Damn Pentagon accountants. Turns out there is a price for freedom. | 1.2754 | 0.04335 | 138 | 104 | 30 | 4 |
1019 | Yes ma'am, I have a list here of every politician who tried to purchase me. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1020 | I was in the procurement division. | 1.2754 | 0.04212 | 138 | 103 | 32 | 3 |
1021 | It's a list of medals I think I should have received. | 1.2754 | 0.04212 | 138 | 103 | 32 | 3 |
1022 | Wow, I've never met a Walgreen Beret before. | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
1023 | I’m an officer in the self service. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1024 | I promise you, they are real, but the Commander in Chief begged I show what they cost. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1025 | That one is for shopping at Zabar's on Thanksgiving Eve. | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
1026 | Ma’am, I’d appreciate it if you stopped looking at my chest. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1027 | Hey, my ribbons are up here! | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
1028 | It just says my "eyes are up here" repeatedly. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1029 | I'm now deployed somewhere between national security and mall security. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1030 | That one's for extraordinary valor at CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1031 | Whoever said war is hell never had to do a tour with CVS. | 1.2754 | 0.04687 | 138 | 107 | 24 | 7 |
1032 | When I hollered, "Charge," the battlefield recorder picked it up. | 1.2754 | 0.04456 | 138 | 105 | 28 | 5 |
1033 | That one? Wounded in the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1034 | When did you earn your Costco Gold Star? | 1.2754 | 0.04799 | 138 | 108 | 22 | 8 |
1035 | That one’s for bravery in the face of long CVS receipts. | 1.2754 | 0.04573 | 138 | 106 | 26 | 6 |
1036 | Honey, I think we should switch to the mobile CVS receipts. | 1.2721 | 0.04485 | 136 | 104 | 27 | 5 |
1037 | Excuse me sir. I’d just like to ‘tank’ you for picking up everyones tab tonight. | 1.2721 | 0.05056 | 136 | 109 | 17 | 10 |
1038 | At least they let me keep my expense account. | 1.2721 | 0.04235 | 136 | 102 | 31 | 3 |
1039 | I see you shop at CVS. | 1.2721 | 0.04605 | 136 | 105 | 25 | 6 |
1040 | Could I have your fax number | 1.2721 | 0.04485 | 136 | 104 | 27 | 5 |
1041 | Oh, THAT price freedom. | 1.2721 | 0.04722 | 136 | 106 | 23 | 7 |
1042 | It's my impeachment testimony transcript. | 1.2721 | 0.04605 | 136 | 105 | 25 | 6 |
1043 | It's my To Conquer list. | 1.2721 | 0.04722 | 136 | 106 | 23 | 7 |
1044 | And this is the cost of the buffet. | 1.2721 | 0.04836 | 136 | 107 | 21 | 8 |
1045 | That’s a receipt...somebody just bought me. | 1.2721 | 0.04485 | 136 | 104 | 27 | 5 |
1046 | Proof of purchase. | 1.2721 | 0.04836 | 136 | 107 | 21 | 8 |
1047 | Yes, Ma'am. We are weaponizing the self-checkout. | 1.2721 | 0.04605 | 136 | 105 | 25 | 6 |
1048 | This was awarded to me after the Black Friday campaign of '08. | 1.2721 | 0.04836 | 136 | 107 | 21 | 8 |
1049 | The red ones were Iraq, and the blue ones Afghanistan. The long white one is my grocery list. | 1.2721 | 0.04605 | 136 | 105 | 25 | 6 |
1050 | For my distinguished service at the 57th Street CVS, ma'am. | 1.2721 | 0.04485 | 136 | 104 | 27 | 5 |
1051 | Would you like to sign up for my impeachment blog? | 1.2721 | 0.04947 | 136 | 108 | 19 | 9 |
1052 | I didn’t realise the cost of war was itemised. | 1.2721 | 0.04722 | 136 | 106 | 23 | 7 |
1053 | That last one is for winning the Battle of Black Friday | 1.2721 | 0.04836 | 136 | 107 | 21 | 8 |
1054 | Thank you for your CVS. | 1.2721 | 0.04836 | 136 | 107 | 21 | 8 |
1055 | That's a list of the times the POTUS saved my ass from that silly military code of honor. | 1.2721 | 0.04605 | 136 | 105 | 25 | 6 |
1056 | Courage Valor Service | 1.2721 | 0.04722 | 136 | 106 | 23 | 7 |
1057 | Now that Amazon is suing over the Pentagon's cloud deal with Microsoft, we keep a paper record of everything. | 1.2721 | 0.04485 | 136 | 104 | 27 | 5 |
1058 | Every badge here came with it's price. | 1.2721 | 0.04605 | 136 | 105 | 25 | 6 |
1059 | That's how I roll! | 1.2721 | 0.05056 | 136 | 109 | 17 | 10 |
1060 | After retiring from the military, I was hired by CVS to deploy prescriptions. | 1.2687 | 0.04637 | 134 | 104 | 24 | 6 |
1061 | For every $100 I get a free upgrade. | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1062 | It's a full list of my pardons. | 1.2687 | 0.04987 | 134 | 107 | 18 | 9 |
1063 | This is from when I fought in CVS. | 1.2687 | 0.04637 | 134 | 104 | 24 | 6 |
1064 | The government has cut the budget for merit badges | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1065 | I received that one for surviving Black Friday. | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1066 | That fifth star cost me a small fortune | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1067 | My wife awarded it to me last year for Meritorious Courage on Black Friday | 1.2687 | 0.03844 | 134 | 108 | 20 | 6 |
1068 | This one is for increasing the military budget. | 1.2687 | 0.04987 | 134 | 107 | 18 | 9 |
1069 | My wife's shopping list reminder. | 1.2687 | 0.04259 | 134 | 101 | 30 | 3 |
1070 | Brass was getting too expensive. | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1071 | It's for Valor in the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1072 | I did four tours of extreme couponing ... | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1073 | I’m planning to return it at the end of the night. | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1074 | Handling red tape under fire. | 1.2687 | 0.04637 | 134 | 104 | 24 | 6 |
1075 | My left arm? I lost that at the battle of black friday. | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1076 | If you purchase the Deluxe drink package for $49.99, I get my next promotion. | 1.2687 | 0.04577 | 134 | 106 | 21 | 7 |
1077 | divorced! 6’’2”! Sagittarius! Steak! Peanut allergy! Hate walks in the rain! | 1.2687 | 0.04987 | 134 | 107 | 18 | 9 |
1078 | He says it's needed to fund the wall. | 1.2687 | 0.03459 | 134 | 108 | 21 | 5 |
1079 | The war cost me an arm and a leg, but at least they gave me a receipt. | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1080 | Madam, you are entitled to your opinions, but I have fax! | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1081 | Primarily, I track contract cost overruns. | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1082 | Hey Dollface, my eyes are up here! | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1083 | I went from PFC to CVS in less than a year. | 1.2687 | 0.04259 | 134 | 101 | 30 | 3 |
1084 | This proves I never bought a bone spur diagnosis | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1085 | What can I say? I like to give orders. | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1086 | And this one is from a CVS. | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1087 | I forgot my glasses, should I be impressed? | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1088 | I'm always prepared when thanked for my service. | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1089 | These are the government regulations for dry cleaning | 1.2687 | 0.04389 | 134 | 102 | 28 | 4 |
1090 | I served in the CVS campaign. | 1.2687 | 0.04873 | 134 | 106 | 20 | 8 |
1091 | That one I got for surviving the holiday rush at Macy’s. | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1092 | It's my combat ribbon for number crunching. | 1.2687 | 0.04757 | 134 | 105 | 22 | 7 |
1093 | So you're security at CVS? | 1.2687 | 0.04515 | 134 | 103 | 26 | 5 |
1094 | I got tired of carrying the damn briefcase. | 1.2683 | 0.05042 | 123 | 97 | 19 | 7 |
1095 | I earned that in the trenches of the budget war. | 1.2672 | 0.04575 | 131 | 101 | 25 | 5 |
1096 | I dunno. Might be the jacket rental receipt. | 1.2672 | 0.04702 | 131 | 102 | 23 | 6 |
1097 | I gave my left arm for this. | 1.2672 | 0.04445 | 131 | 100 | 27 | 4 |
1098 | It's this week's list of the candidates I'm supposed to get dirt on. | 1.2672 | 0.04445 | 131 | 100 | 27 | 4 |
1099 | You must agree to this NDA before we commence this speed date. | 1.2672 | 0.05063 | 131 | 105 | 17 | 9 |
1100 | The president decided to cut back on the decoration budget, so the Army's making do. | 1.2672 | 0.04445 | 131 | 100 | 27 | 4 |
1101 | I'm told it's good for a free medal. | 1.2672 | 0.04311 | 131 | 99 | 29 | 3 |
1102 | Hey! Eyes up m'lady | 1.2672 | 0.04825 | 131 | 103 | 21 | 7 |
1103 | I’m ‘a general store,’ get it | 1.2672 | 0.04825 | 131 | 103 | 21 | 7 |
1104 | The Chinese have always made our ribbons in the past. Need I say more? | 1.2672 | 0.04702 | 131 | 102 | 23 | 6 |
1105 | As you can see, it's not "Stolen Valor", I paid for them all. | 1.2672 | 0.04702 | 131 | 102 | 23 | 6 |
1106 | It lists each time I was mentioned in Tweets. | 1.2672 | 0.04575 | 131 | 101 | 25 | 5 |
1107 | We lost a lot of good credit cards that day. | 1.2672 | 0.04702 | 131 | 102 | 23 | 6 |
1108 | As you can see from the bill, I clearly did not order the Code Red. | 1.2672 | 0.04886 | 131 | 106 | 16 | 9 |
1109 | I always ask for a receipt. | 1.2672 | 0.04575 | 131 | 101 | 25 | 5 |
1110 | And this one is for surviving a visit to CVS | 1.2672 | 0.04945 | 131 | 104 | 19 | 8 |
1111 | I'm also a smart shopper | 1.2672 | 0.04575 | 131 | 101 | 25 | 5 |
1112 | I just can't find a cleaners that does ribbons properly. | 1.2672 | 0.04945 | 131 | 104 | 19 | 8 |
1113 | Yes ma'am, that one is for bookkeeping above and beyond the call. | 1.2661 | 0.05155 | 109 | 85 | 19 | 5 |
1114 | The thing I'm most proud of is the money I've saved. | 1.2661 | 0.05475 | 109 | 87 | 15 | 7 |
1115 | Not General Retreat. General Receipt." | 1.2652 | 0.04545 | 132 | 102 | 25 | 5 |
1116 | Christmas. 1978. Working retail during the holiday season. | 1.2640 | 0.05223 | 125 | 101 | 15 | 9 |
1117 | For Distinguished Service in purchasing. | 1.2636 | 0.04336 | 129 | 98 | 28 | 3 |
1118 | That’s my CVS receipt for a pack of gum. | 1.2636 | 0.04985 | 129 | 103 | 18 | 8 |
1119 | I'm keeping a tab of what the country owes me | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1120 | If I hadn’t lost my arm I would have been awarded the ones on the list too. | 1.2636 | 0.04736 | 129 | 101 | 22 | 6 |
1121 | It's from the Battle of CVS. | 1.2636 | 0.04194 | 129 | 102 | 22 | 5 |
1122 | And that's from the Battle of Black Friday | 1.2636 | 0.04736 | 129 | 101 | 22 | 6 |
1123 | I constantly get new medals so the printout keeps me totally up to date | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1124 | ‘’ Desert Tweet,ma’am,bravery during incoming missives.’’ | 1.2636 | 0.04985 | 129 | 103 | 18 | 8 |
1125 | Agreed. All good soldiers should keep a list of medals they should have won. | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1126 | This was awarded after The Battle of Costco | 1.2636 | 0.04736 | 129 | 101 | 22 | 6 |
1127 | I'd be grateful if you don't quote Eisenhower. | 1.2636 | 0.04336 | 129 | 98 | 28 | 3 |
1128 | Wow you paid a lot for these medals. | 1.2636 | 0.04862 | 129 | 102 | 20 | 7 |
1129 | This is a list of signatures of women who vouch for me. | 1.2636 | 0.04862 | 129 | 102 | 20 | 7 |
1130 | And this is the receipt for what all my campaign ribbons have cost the American taxpayer | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1131 | I’m General Counsel for CVS. | 1.2636 | 0.04862 | 129 | 102 | 20 | 7 |
1132 | Well, you asked. | 1.2636 | 0.04736 | 129 | 101 | 22 | 6 |
1133 | Back in '08 my unit broke through the Nordstrom Line | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1134 | My service fee is not included. | 1.2636 | 0.04862 | 129 | 102 | 20 | 7 |
1135 | Great timesaver - latest updates from General Hospital | 1.2636 | 0.03653 | 129 | 106 | 17 | 6 |
1136 | I see you're a rewards member. | 1.2636 | 0.04736 | 129 | 101 | 22 | 6 |
1137 | It's a recipe for war crimes. | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1138 | I've been deployed to the Stop and Shop | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1139 | I run the Commissary. | 1.2636 | 0.04336 | 129 | 98 | 28 | 3 |
1140 | Why yes, it is the CVS Service Medal. | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1141 | Yeah, yeah, we both want pockets. | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1142 | What was it like serving in the Old Navy? | 1.2636 | 0.04473 | 129 | 99 | 26 | 4 |
1143 | Y'know, I've never actually read your Terms of Service. | 1.2636 | 0.04473 | 129 | 99 | 26 | 4 |
1144 | It's a DoD Budget of Valor award. | 1.2636 | 0.04736 | 129 | 101 | 22 | 6 |
1145 | I always dress for the job I want | 1.2636 | 0.04607 | 129 | 100 | 24 | 5 |
1146 | ...and those are my thoughts on women's rights. | 1.2636 | 0.04862 | 129 | 102 | 20 | 7 |
1147 | Set list from Phish at Madison Square Garden in '94. Totally sick show. I was trippin' balls by the second set. | 1.2636 | 0.04985 | 129 | 103 | 18 | 8 |
1148 | I'm printing your check now - you definitely ordered one Captain Morgan | 1.2636 | 0.05223 | 129 | 105 | 14 | 10 |
1149 | No need to thank me for my service but would you like your receipt? | 1.2636 | 0.04862 | 129 | 102 | 20 | 7 |
1150 | Couldn't you just email me the receipt? | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1151 | You're looking at the true cost of war. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1152 | My wife's list of 'Areas That Need Improving'. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1153 | I’ve been given far too much credit. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1154 | And this one is for meritorious service at CVS | 1.2598 | 0.05149 | 127 | 103 | 15 | 9 |
1155 | And this one is for my last purchase at CVS. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1156 | The one award I haven't won is for humility. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1157 | It's the latest printout of our firm commitments. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1158 | It was a commando mission: I brought two extra items through the express line. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1159 | This is my list of inappropriate intentions. Check those you agree to. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1160 | I won’t say who, but a very important man in government office is sending me a top secret message. | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1161 | All of my achievements were through accounting strategies. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1162 | Otherwise, I forget to use the coupons. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1163 | That was for shopping on Black Friday. | 1.2598 | 0.04360 | 127 | 97 | 27 | 3 |
1164 | I'd explain, but I'd have to kill you. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1165 | It's a new app. My jacket can't hold any more medals! | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1166 | Don't ask. Don't know. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1167 | I found this more effective than waiting for recognition by leadership. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1168 | The Pentagon is implementing a new accountability monitoring system | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1169 | Yes, it’s a well-earned receipt. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1170 | Black Friday, 2008. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1171 | I got this one from CVS | 1.2598 | 0.05386 | 127 | 105 | 11 | 11 |
1172 | Distinguished service medal, purple heart, and $25 in Extra Bucks. Impressive. | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1173 | Wow! They really are cutting taxes. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1174 | Kiss ass, take names | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1175 | Until the China trade war is over, and tariffs lifted, computer generated lists will have to do. | 1.2598 | 0.04140 | 127 | 98 | 26 | 3 |
1176 | Mam, these are a list of war crimes of which the president exonerated me. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1177 | I take it you are endlessly distinguished | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1178 | Blame Trump. He thinks it encourages allies to pay their fair share. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1179 | We outsourced our medals to CVS. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1180 | I paid the price for it. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1181 | I've been a very good boy this year, and I want Santa to know it. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1182 | I never flew again after that Target run. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1183 | After Vindman,everything goes. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1184 | It gives me a continual report on my blood pressure, my cholesterol, and the potential effect on my troops by my alcohol consumption. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1185 | That's my list of Atta-boys! | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1186 | Congress doesn't have the money for those yet. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1187 | Training and discipline, Ma'am, are required to ignore congressional subpoenas. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1188 | The receipt? I run a general store. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1189 | Lieutenant Colonel, please,” | 1.2598 | 0.04140 | 127 | 103 | 18 | 6 |
1190 | Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, CVS, Silver Star... | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1191 | I had the automatic printout button for a list of all my metals, otherwise I'd be wearing a full metal jacket! | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1192 | Troops under my command take more orders than Amazon. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1193 | So now instead of a pin to show great service to our country, there is a receipt that can extend to show the awards, which may be torn to remove any that he decides are no longer applicable. | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1194 | and finally, a list of all the women I've slept with. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1195 | Perhaps I am proudest of my $52 in Super-Saver Awards. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1196 | When they said 'the high cost of war', they weren't kidding | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1197 | Achievements? No, that's my honey-do list. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1198 | Hmmm.....wash in cold water, delicate cycle, dry low heat, do not dry clean. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1199 | I really need to stop shopping at CVS. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1200 | In Iraq I was in charge of sales at the PX. | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1201 | My Commander-in-Chief disclaimer. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1202 | We used to notch our guns. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1203 | And I've also got the texts to prove it. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1204 | Maam, none are for Good Conduct! | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1205 | …and that's the receipt for my conscience. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1206 | That one was for making it out of Costco alive on Black Friday. | 1.2598 | 0.04360 | 127 | 97 | 27 | 3 |
1207 | That's the dry cleaner's tag I forgot to take off. | 1.2598 | 0.05386 | 127 | 105 | 11 | 11 |
1208 | I’m not good at small talk, so here’s the key to my service ribbons. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1209 | It’s a great honor and privilege to wear this uniform, but I paid a heavy price. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1210 | The lower ribbon is from the CVS Campaign. | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1211 | One more metal and I get a free ham at check out. | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1212 | I served for over 30 years... in procurement. | 1.2598 | 0.04360 | 127 | 97 | 27 | 3 |
1213 | It's an awards printout. Saves you asking "what's that one for?". | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1214 | It's been a busy year. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1215 | That's the President's directive to not testify before congress. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1216 | I got the last medal at CVS. | 1.2598 | 0.04964 | 127 | 104 | 14 | 9 |
1217 | Yes, I'm General CVS. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1218 | In an effort to promote transparency the government requires me to display an itemized list of my fees for services while in uniform. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1219 | It's on backorder, and this is the receipt | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1220 | Those are very detailed dry cleaning instructions." | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1221 | It's an itemized receipt for services rendered. | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1222 | As a high-ranking officer with a potential political career in front of me, I'm going to need you to sign this before we order our second drink..... | 1.2598 | 0.04900 | 127 | 101 | 19 | 7 |
1223 | That one's for service above and beyond fifteen percent. | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1224 | Wow...apparently I bought a lot of drone strikes! | 1.2598 | 0.05026 | 127 | 102 | 17 | 8 |
1225 | CVS is sponsoring the military | 1.2598 | 0.04501 | 127 | 98 | 25 | 4 |
1226 | My last post? Follow the paper trail. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1227 | I've been scanning the room. | 1.2598 | 0.04638 | 127 | 99 | 23 | 5 |
1228 | It’s a new award designed by the President, given in recognition of fulfilling his orders.... his fast food orders that is. | 1.2598 | 0.04771 | 127 | 100 | 21 | 6 |
1229 | It's a receipt for services rendered, lady. | 1.2593 | 0.05323 | 108 | 86 | 16 | 6 |
1230 | It's a badge of honor: My itemized bill from the V.A. for the amputation | 1.2593 | 0.05158 | 108 | 85 | 18 | 5 |
1231 | As you can see on the print out, you are my mission tonight. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1232 | They all fold out like that." | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1233 | Ooh, I like that mustard gas scent you’re wearing! | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1234 | I was stationed at a CVS in Fallujah for 18 months | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1235 | Always prepared, ma'am, where's the latrine? | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1236 | Sometimes more is more. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1237 | ...and that ribbon, honoring my service as a Valued Customer, was bestowed by CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1238 | Just stick to the script and we should be alright. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1239 | That one's for risking identity theft while shopping online. | 1.2581 | 0.04187 | 124 | 101 | 17 | 6 |
1240 | So,were you injured in a paper war? | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1241 | It's an accounting thing. Returns must be accompanied by a receipt. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1242 | This one is for Operation Iraqi Freedom, and this other one is for Operation Black Friday. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1243 | I'm very proud of this one. It's a grocery receipt - I saved $22 today. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1244 | I don't take military orders, Ma'm. I make them. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1245 | It's the Congressional Paper of Honor for 'Exemplary Note-Taking Under Fire.' | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1246 | He makes me wear a list of people who say I don't deserve them. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1247 | That one's for saving 30 good men at the Battle of CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1248 | Don't bother. It's just my terms of service. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1249 | It's for exemplary coupon use in the face of more appealing products. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1250 | My other deployment was CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1251 | No mam, it's the wife's shopping list. | 1.2581 | 0.04416 | 124 | 95 | 26 | 3 |
1252 | It's how I keep track of every time I just want to scream. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1253 | Would you like to sign up for the Army Rewards Program? | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1254 | This one was for having the most coupons at CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1255 | It's my list of fascinating war stories, with suggested prices. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1256 | Even as we speak, the accolades are pouring in. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1257 | It’s a CVS Medal for taking the flu shot. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1258 | And this one is a Receipt of Honor from CVS for the purchase of a pack of gum. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1259 | That one is special. I received it for bringing in a multi-billion defense program on time and under budget. | 1.2581 | 0.04416 | 124 | 95 | 26 | 3 |
1260 | That? That's for CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1261 | There is a large price to pay for our freedom. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1262 | I got this for serving on the U.S.S.CVS | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1263 | It's the receipt for my patriotism. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1264 | It's been a long haul, but my high scores speak for themselves. | 1.2581 | 0.04490 | 124 | 98 | 21 | 5 |
1265 | Oh, it's nothing. Just my shopping list. You know, AR 15s, Rocket Launchers, Grenades, C4s etc. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1266 | This receipt ribbon recognizes purchases made by gallantly storming the store on Black Friday | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1267 | Appropriations, ma'am. Been on the front lines of five government shutdowns and never lost a dime. | 1.2581 | 0.04416 | 124 | 95 | 26 | 3 |
1268 | It’s the CVS medal of valor. | 1.2581 | 0.04416 | 124 | 95 | 26 | 3 |
1269 | I was moving up in rank so quickly they decided it was easier to install an insignia printer | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1270 | The medal is on backorder. So I pinned the receipt | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1271 | It’s a transcript of my deposition. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1272 | My cyberwar awards were hacked so I had to settle for analog. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1273 | Here's the receipt for my left arm. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1274 | I earned that on the front lines of the accounting department. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1275 | That one is for purchasing 10 items that I actually needed on Black Friday. | 1.2581 | 0.04416 | 124 | 95 | 26 | 3 |
1276 | My career counselor always urged me to showcase the full depth of my professional experience. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1277 | I'm a certified organic, free-range, full bird Colonel. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1278 | Yes, I did serve in the CVS theatre. Why do you ask? | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1279 | This one’s for the Battle of Black Friday | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1280 | My last medal came from CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1281 | So your total stars comes out to 3 not 5 like you told me. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1282 | Those are my “likes”. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1283 | Young lady, war is hell on a dry cleaning bill. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1284 | I check out military hardware. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1285 | I just agreed to the terms of service. Who reads the fine print? | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1286 | They gave me a ticker tape parade,too! | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1287 | ...and for your records, here is a receipt for the deceit | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1288 | I told them to leave off the Boy Scout badges but they insisted... | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1289 | It's just more proof of what we've been saying for years, lady: Freedom isn't free. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1290 | "I screamed, "I would give my left arm for this fighting to end!" All of a sudden, they took my left arm, and pinned the receipt on me." | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1291 | That's for the global CVS campaign. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1292 | Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, CVS | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1293 | I wear my rap sheet as a badge of honor since the pardon. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1294 | It's the charge for my service. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1295 | This is a list of my platoon's corporate sponsors. Budget cuts. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1296 | I got this one for hunting bargains. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1297 | This one's so I don't forget to pick up groceries on the way home. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1298 | What do you mean, “Did you buy your medals at CVS?” | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1299 | Printed tweets, they replace Bronze Stars and V for valor pins. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1300 | They're the Bronze Star, the Purple Heart, and free guitar lessons. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1301 | This one's for going to Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1302 | An army runs on its supply lines. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1303 | I took a hit at the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1304 | If you have any question about the acronyms, feel free to ask. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1305 | We lost that battle, but it looked good on paper. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1306 | It's the Military-Industrial Complex Citation! | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1307 | So then I said ‘how’s this for spending transparency?’... You wanna get outta here? | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1308 | Yes, well I display the receipt to prove these medals are really mine; bought and paid for. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1309 | No, that's my CVS receipt. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1310 | In Trump world, you never know when you have to show the receipts. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1311 | Oh my, you must be top brass at CVS | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1312 | That one is for procurement above and beyond, just what the Pentagon does best | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1313 | Actually, $500 for a pencil is perfectly reasonable | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1314 | I see you've completed your 'Honey do' list, impressive. | 1.2581 | 0.05231 | 124 | 101 | 14 | 9 |
1315 | An that one's for the Battle At CVS | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1316 | Yes ma'am, Distinguished Service during a Black Friday skirmish. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1317 | Yes, Ma’am, I was in the Armed Forces. All of them. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1318 | And the one on the bottom is for 1000 visits to Walgreens. | 1.2581 | 0.04108 | 124 | 93 | 30 | 1 |
1319 | Is that the entire laundry list of his impeachable infractions? | 1.2581 | 0.05355 | 124 | 102 | 12 | 10 |
1320 | That's for being cashiered while under fire. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1321 | It was from the battle of CVS, and I'd rather not talk about it. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1322 | Oh, these? The usual: markmanship, deployments, valor, and this is a receipt I earned during Black Friday at Best Buy 2012. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1323 | General CVS is my name. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1324 | I got that one for my loyalty. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1325 | I keep all my receipts to prove where I was not. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1326 | That one is for getting 15 items through the 10 items or less checkout lane. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1327 | Don't be too impressed. All I bought was toothpaste. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1328 | And this one has all my CVS rewards program discounts. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1329 | That one is for the time I spent at CVS. | 1.2581 | 0.05105 | 124 | 100 | 16 | 8 |
1330 | Please don’t tap on my medals. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1331 | Being a war hero is nice, but look at what I saved at the Price club. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1332 | And that's my list of Twitter followers | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1333 | There's no use in hiding it from you any longer. Honey, I've re-enlisted. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1334 | That one prints receipts for your tax dollars. | 1.2581 | 0.04841 | 124 | 98 | 20 | 6 |
1335 | I'm working my way up to a CVS badge. | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1336 | Why yes, I did serve in the CVS campaign. | 1.2581 | 0.04562 | 124 | 96 | 24 | 4 |
1337 | That one is from my tour in CVS." | 1.2581 | 0.04704 | 124 | 97 | 22 | 5 |
1338 | It's for distinguished service at Stop & Shop. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1339 | And that one is from my wife for doing the grocery shopping last week. | 1.2581 | 0.04974 | 124 | 99 | 18 | 7 |
1340 | It’s a matter of efficiency. In lieu of war stories, I provide an itemized list. | 1.2569 | 0.05116 | 109 | 86 | 18 | 5 |
1341 | As a member of the secret service, I keep a running record of all my conversations. | 1.2569 | 0.05279 | 109 | 87 | 16 | 6 |
1342 | Ever hear of a little action called The Battle of CVS? | 1.2569 | 0.05438 | 109 | 88 | 14 | 7 |
1343 | We get coupons for every military operation. | 1.2569 | 0.05279 | 109 | 87 | 16 | 6 |
1344 | I see the new law requiring each general to disclose his itemized spending has gone into effect. | 1.2560 | 0.04530 | 125 | 97 | 24 | 4 |
1345 | I was awarded those for my mission to the drug store. | 1.2560 | 0.04939 | 125 | 100 | 18 | 7 |
1346 | ...and this one was awarded for highest cost overruns. | 1.2560 | 0.04670 | 125 | 98 | 22 | 5 |
1347 | How did you know the Pentagon got a CVS? That information is classified. | 1.2560 | 0.04670 | 125 | 98 | 22 | 5 |
1348 | And that one is for leading my troops out of CVS in record time. | 1.2560 | 0.04739 | 125 | 101 | 17 | 7 |
1349 | No Ma’am. I’d rather have a printed receipt than have it emailed to me. | 1.2560 | 0.04530 | 125 | 97 | 24 | 4 |
1350 | By the way, that drink is gonna cost you around 17 billion. | 1.2560 | 0.05068 | 125 | 101 | 16 | 8 |
1351 | If your checking me out , I will be available at 900hrs | 1.2560 | 0.04806 | 125 | 99 | 20 | 6 |
1352 | The CVS campaign was the toughest | 1.2560 | 0.04670 | 125 | 98 | 22 | 5 |
1353 | Well that was in honor of my command once foiling a terrorist plot to explode bombs in a number of CVS pharmacies. | 1.2560 | 0.04806 | 125 | 99 | 20 | 6 |
1354 | It hasn't been the same since they put me in charge of the produce section. | 1.2560 | 0.04939 | 125 | 100 | 18 | 7 |
1355 | Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany - Ah, is this the wine list? | 1.2560 | 0.04530 | 125 | 97 | 24 | 4 |
1356 | It stuck to my shoe at the battle of Mar-a-Lago. | 1.2560 | 0.04939 | 125 | 100 | 18 | 7 |
1357 | As part of our new Special Forces training we go to Walmart on "black Friday". | 1.2560 | 0.04385 | 125 | 96 | 26 | 3 |
1358 | That one’s for being cashiered. | 1.2545 | 0.05236 | 110 | 88 | 16 | 6 |
1359 | It's a new high tech military decoration. It can be immediately updated by Tweet. | 1.2545 | 0.05694 | 110 | 91 | 10 | 9 |
1360 | Would you fill out a short survey to rate my service? | 1.2542 | 0.04533 | 118 | 91 | 24 | 3 |
1361 | It's a list of the defense issues Trump got wrong. | 1.2541 | 0.05148 | 122 | 99 | 15 | 8 |
1362 | It's the Trump Loyalty Award for all my acts of loyalty to Trump. | 1.2541 | 0.04878 | 122 | 97 | 19 | 6 |
1363 | It's the bill from the White House for my appointment to the Joint Chiefs | 1.2541 | 0.05278 | 122 | 100 | 13 | 9 |
1364 | Trump demoted me to waiter. This is the draft list. | 1.2541 | 0.04592 | 122 | 95 | 23 | 4 |
1365 | Return receipt — part of the deal with Mr. Trump. | 1.2541 | 0.04737 | 122 | 96 | 21 | 5 |
1366 | The Joint Command leaders are now equipped with a real-time printout of Trump's Titter feed." | 1.2541 | 0.04737 | 122 | 96 | 21 | 5 |
1367 | Our Commander-in-Chief wants to monetize us. | 1.2541 | 0.04737 | 122 | 96 | 21 | 5 |
1368 | I want everyone to know I didn't buy my bone spurs at the supermarket. | 1.2541 | 0.05278 | 122 | 100 | 13 | 9 |
1369 | It declares I'm a pure-bred American with no divided loyalties, but that could change depending on the President's tweets. | 1.2541 | 0.04042 | 122 | 104 | 10 | 8 |
1370 | It’s for ticker tape parades | 1.2541 | 0.04592 | 122 | 95 | 23 | 4 |
1371 | No quid pro quo | 1.2541 | 0.05148 | 122 | 99 | 15 | 8 |
1372 | oh, that's the list of people Trump suspects as whistleblowers. the scratched out ones have been executed. | 1.2541 | 0.05015 | 122 | 98 | 17 | 7 |
1373 | That’s my fruit salad and the receipt. | 1.2500 | 0.05116 | 108 | 86 | 17 | 5 |
1374 | They're just disclaimers and definitions. I'm a lawyer with JAG. | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1375 | I'm the chief commander of the CVS battalion | 1.2500 | 0.05326 | 120 | 99 | 12 | 9 |
1376 | Yes, it's my list of conquests. Your name is about halfway. | 1.2500 | 0.05283 | 108 | 87 | 15 | 6 |
1377 | Talk is cheap. I guess Leave isn't. | 1.2500 | 0.05056 | 120 | 97 | 16 | 7 |
1378 | Thankfully, you avoided the CVS War. | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1379 | I was stationed at Fort CVS. | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1380 | Service is included. | 1.2500 | 0.04944 | 108 | 85 | 19 | 4 |
1381 | The last one is for my service behind the checkout counter at CVS. | 1.2500 | 0.05192 | 120 | 98 | 14 | 8 |
1382 | This is the Purple Heart équivalent for army acquisitions. | 1.2500 | 0.04467 | 120 | 93 | 24 | 3 |
1383 | They're caveats for my Trump era mission. | 1.2500 | 0.04545 | 120 | 96 | 19 | 5 |
1384 | There is no end to it. | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1385 | My battle ribbon likes you. | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1386 | Well, aren't you just the cutest boondoggle. I can't help but love these new transparency things. Don't you? | 1.2500 | 0.05056 | 120 | 97 | 16 | 7 |
1387 | The new general wants to now where every penny goes. | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1388 | No, it would NOT have been easier to get an on-line receipt! | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1389 | It’s my ribbon from CVS from the 1998 Siege of Duane Reade. | 1.2500 | 0.04944 | 108 | 90 | 11 | 7 |
1390 | NO, not my to-do list. It’s my have-done list. | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1391 | I see you've served Walgreen's and CVS battle lines. | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1392 | I bought the pin at CVS. | 1.2500 | 0.05192 | 120 | 98 | 14 | 8 |
1393 | I’m going to the grocery store on my way home. | 1.2500 | 0.04545 | 120 | 96 | 19 | 5 |
1394 | Wow! You served in the CVS campaign. | 1.2500 | 0.05283 | 108 | 87 | 15 | 6 |
1395 | Lieutenant Colonel, United States Air Force, 23rd Airborne, CVS Division | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1396 | So, you're telling me the costume party is next week? | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1397 | WOW! Nice to meet the General of CVS!! | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1398 | My eyes are up here, ma'am. | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1399 | My, what don’t you do, General Electric? | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1400 | Nough' talk, just read the damn transcript! | 1.2500 | 0.05056 | 120 | 97 | 16 | 7 |
1401 | And this medal is for procuring the tiny ink cartridges. | 1.2500 | 0.05116 | 108 | 86 | 17 | 5 |
1402 | It’s a participation medal from when I was six | 1.2500 | 0.05326 | 120 | 99 | 12 | 9 |
1403 | That one is for filling a prescription at CVS | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1404 | I served two tours at CVS. | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1405 | The tab for the Iraq and Afghan war? $4 - $6 trillion. | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1406 | I command the CVS brigade | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1407 | Believe me, I've paid a price to get here. | 1.2500 | 0.05056 | 120 | 97 | 16 | 7 |
1408 | One of our defense contractors came up with it: automatically tracks my bar bill all night. | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1409 | I’m stationed in Aisle 2. | 1.2500 | 0.04915 | 120 | 96 | 18 | 6 |
1410 | These are my Presidential Tweets of Distinction! | 1.2500 | 0.04766 | 108 | 84 | 21 | 3 |
1411 | At Costco they call it The Customer Service Ribbon. | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1412 | Just some footnotes. | 1.2500 | 0.05326 | 120 | 99 | 12 | 9 |
1413 | Some of these required footnotes. | 1.2500 | 0.04622 | 120 | 94 | 22 | 4 |
1414 | So you literally have the receipts? | 1.2500 | 0.05056 | 120 | 97 | 16 | 7 |
1415 | They ran out of red tape. | 1.2500 | 0.04467 | 120 | 93 | 24 | 3 |
1416 | General Store, at your service. | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1417 | It's the Medal of CVS | 1.2500 | 0.05601 | 108 | 89 | 11 | 8 |
1418 | It's my Pentagon budget wish list . | 1.2500 | 0.04771 | 120 | 95 | 20 | 5 |
1419 | Those are my Minecraft high scores. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1420 | All the titles make my name tag long. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1421 | It’s my Christmas list. | 1.2479 | 0.05416 | 117 | 97 | 11 | 9 |
1422 | That's for all the taxpayers who always want to know where their money goes. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1423 | My best party recipe. Fruit salad. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1424 | I'm what's known as a pentagon budget warrior. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1425 | It's the price you pay for going to war. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1426 | It's not just a store receipt ma'am - It's a General store receipt. | 1.2479 | 0.05278 | 117 | 96 | 13 | 8 |
1427 | That is for “Best in Show”. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1428 | The CVS medal. Very impressive. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1429 | What an interesting bucket-list for when you get fired. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1430 | Really, no receipt is necessary. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1431 | As you can see, no discounts or coupons were used on these commendations. | 1.2479 | 0.04276 | 117 | 92 | 22 | 3 |
1432 | It's due to budget cuts--everything is itemized now. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1433 | Does my cost to benefit ratio impress you? | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1434 | Your damn tax dollars at work, that’s what, ma’am. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1435 | And then out loud, I told President Trump..... | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1436 | This is what I got when I cashiered out. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1437 | I’ve got my orders, ma’am. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1438 | Would you mind mansplaining that to me one more time? | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1439 | It's for good conduct at Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1440 | It’s a receipt from the supermarket. My wife says it’s one of my greatest accomplishments. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1441 | Most of the deals aren’t valid unless you spend $2 Trillion on the invasion. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1442 | I went to the grocery store all by myself! | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1443 | Yes, the military is really expensive. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1444 | That one’s for charging an enemy machine gun nest to my club card. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1445 | It's part of the new military green initiative ma'am recyclable paper medals. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1446 | That one's from Operation Drugstore. | 1.2479 | 0.05278 | 117 | 96 | 13 | 8 |
1447 | Yes, in fact I am the General of CVS. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1448 | That's a list of all the butts I had to kiss to make general. | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1449 | Budget cuts. I'm saving up for my own ticker tape parade. | 1.2479 | 0.04445 | 117 | 93 | 20 | 4 |
1450 | If you press the blue medal you get a list of the 10 all time great quarterbacks. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1451 | It's for my time serving in CVS. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1452 | I serve my country ........................and my wife: its a list of groceries for me to pick up. | 1.2479 | 0.04189 | 117 | 89 | 27 | 1 |
1453 | I have too many medals to wear, so look at the list to see how heroic I have been. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1454 | Is one of those medals for perfect attendance? | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1455 | No, they don't have the same luster. And no, I can't explain why they started giving metals in digital format. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1456 | This ribbon prints out an automatic resignation letter when I have to disobey a direct order. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1457 | Who am I to tell the Commander in Chief that was his grocery list? | 1.2479 | 0.05416 | 117 | 97 | 11 | 9 |
1458 | My fruit salad now requires an ingredients list. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1459 | They slashed our budget for ribbons. | 1.2479 | 0.04361 | 117 | 90 | 25 | 2 |
1460 | I see you took advantage of the GI bill! | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1461 | It's a list of PPMs - Presidential Promise Medals. The real ones haven't arrived yet. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1462 | It's for shopping at CVS. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1463 | Describing them all out loud just seemed so conceited. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1464 | The paper medals are from my second year of service. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1465 | It’s my medal for keeping Defense Department spending below GDP. | 1.2479 | 0.05278 | 117 | 96 | 13 | 8 |
1466 | That's my wish list for the next war. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1467 | What does "etc" stand for? | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1468 | Due to budget cutbacks, we're buying our medals at CVS | 1.2479 | 0.05278 | 117 | 96 | 13 | 8 |
1469 | This conversation may be transcribed or recorded for quality assurances purposes or for keeping an accurate account of this conversation for my wife. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1470 | I'm the guest speaker, and that little exchange we had will be fifty dollars. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1471 | You sure you want to list all the things you didn't get a medal for? | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1472 | I'm keeping the receipt in case I want to return it after the war | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1473 | My wife gave it to me for going to the grocery store all by myself. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1474 | I might return my decorations after Christmas. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1475 | its the "Best Prepared Latrine Duty" medal | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1476 | Are you the Ukrainian Defense Minister? | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1477 | It was for galant service at the Battle of CVS. | 1.2479 | 0.05278 | 117 | 96 | 13 | 8 |
1478 | The bloodiest battle of them all -- Black Friday sale at Macy's. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1479 | That's a list of all my other medals that won't fit on my uniform. | 1.2479 | 0.05278 | 117 | 96 | 13 | 8 |
1480 | That's a list of places I have to check for my missing arm. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1481 | Please select a topic and associated honorarium. | 1.2479 | 0.05137 | 117 | 95 | 15 | 7 |
1482 | That's the list of discreditations from House Republicans. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1483 | The medals are nothing compared to that first perfect score on a spelling test. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1484 | My accomplishments have become excessive. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1485 | I'm the senior attache in charge of billing. | 1.2479 | 0.04361 | 117 | 90 | 25 | 2 |
1486 | It's from CVS. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1487 | As you can see right here, my service came with a thirty-day return policy to active duty. | 1.2479 | 0.04841 | 117 | 93 | 19 | 5 |
1488 | This way I never lose my shopping list. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1489 | It helps me save time impressing you. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1490 | ... and this one includes some revisionist history. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1491 | And yet we must never discount the valor of those who serve. | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1492 | And these are the commendations I received for the things I didn’t do. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1493 | Sir, your war crimes are showing. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1494 | It's for following grocery orders. | 1.2479 | 0.04687 | 117 | 92 | 21 | 4 |
1495 | I was a combatant in Operation Black Friday." | 1.2479 | 0.03413 | 117 | 95 | 19 | 3 |
1496 | And that's how we overthrew the Coupon Queen. | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1497 | Some of my missions left a paper trail. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1498 | I commanded the Black Friday assault. | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1499 | Guts doesn't come cheap sweetheart. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1500 | Yeah, so I found the whole costume at CVS | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1501 | My prevention of sexual harassment training requires you to initial each item on this authorization checklist before I attempt any moves. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1502 | Not a single false charge Ma'am. | 1.2479 | 0.04527 | 117 | 91 | 23 | 3 |
1503 | It's the Army's highest honor for tactical accounting under fire during Defense budget hearings. | 1.2479 | 0.04991 | 117 | 94 | 17 | 6 |
1504 | Some of them are for CVS flu shots. | 1.2477 | 0.05239 | 109 | 88 | 15 | 6 |
1505 | No Purple Heart, but the purple ink tells you I'm a proven veteran of the budgeting wars." | 1.2477 | 0.05074 | 109 | 87 | 17 | 5 |
1506 | Please take printed transcript of President's Twitter feed for all my opinions on proper military protocol. | 1.2477 | 0.05074 | 109 | 87 | 17 | 5 |
1507 | We fought the damn sales tax and lost. | 1.2477 | 0.05074 | 109 | 87 | 17 | 5 |
1508 | When I wear them all I can’t walk! | 1.2477 | 0.05074 | 109 | 87 | 17 | 5 |
1509 | That’s for mastering the self-checkout at CVS. | 1.2477 | 0.05554 | 109 | 90 | 11 | 8 |
1510 | If you don't stop staring, I'll add you to the list. | 1.2458 | 0.04805 | 118 | 94 | 19 | 5 |
1511 | It's for bravery at a CVS | 1.2455 | 0.05033 | 110 | 88 | 17 | 5 |
1512 | It lists all the countries I would love to bomb. | 1.2435 | 0.05180 | 115 | 94 | 14 | 7 |
1513 | I'm keeping count of the number of times I'm asked What's That One For? | 1.2435 | 0.04877 | 115 | 92 | 18 | 5 |
1514 | Click! Please take your receipt. We thank you for shopping at Army and Navy Surplus. Have a good day -Click! | 1.2435 | 0.05031 | 115 | 93 | 16 | 6 |
1515 | War Crimes List | 1.2435 | 0.05180 | 115 | 94 | 14 | 7 |
1516 | Don't forget to take your receipt. | 1.2432 | 0.04826 | 111 | 88 | 19 | 4 |
1517 | That was for heroism in the face of Black Friday." | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1518 | CVS had a sale on military costumes. | 1.2430 | 0.04665 | 107 | 86 | 17 | 4 |
1519 | Starting in 2022 we received medals in President's handwriting. | 1.2430 | 0.05449 | 107 | 88 | 12 | 7 |
1520 | I got this one for the Battle of CVS. | 1.2430 | 0.05285 | 107 | 87 | 14 | 6 |
1521 | I don't think a receipt from the one time you went grocery shopping is the best badge for 'dutiful husband'. | 1.2430 | 0.05609 | 107 | 89 | 10 | 8 |
1522 | loyalty card ? | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1523 | Oh my! That's a long list of ex-wives! | 1.2430 | 0.04759 | 107 | 84 | 20 | 3 |
1524 | That one is for successfully making it out of Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.2430 | 0.04759 | 107 | 84 | 20 | 3 |
1525 | I've been enlisted | 1.2430 | 0.04569 | 107 | 83 | 22 | 2 |
1526 | I take cash, credit cards, and your sons and daughters. | 1.2430 | 0.05285 | 107 | 87 | 14 | 6 |
1527 | Wow, a running account of the Afghan War! | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1528 | They were first to go when the defense department budget cuts hit | 1.2430 | 0.04665 | 107 | 86 | 17 | 4 |
1529 | It's a list of questions I won't answer. | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1530 | While it is rather cumbersome mobile faxes are much more secure than mobile phones | 1.2430 | 0.05285 | 107 | 87 | 14 | 6 |
1531 | So the medal actually lists all the congressional subpoenas you’ve ignored! Hmmm. | 1.2430 | 0.04940 | 107 | 85 | 18 | 4 |
1532 | My CVS purchases are a badge of honor. | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1533 | That one commemorates the Battle of CVS, ma'am. | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1534 | I thought it would be easier for you civilian non-combatants to read the printout rather than having to decipher all the metal. | 1.2430 | 0.05285 | 107 | 87 | 14 | 6 |
1535 | I see you led the insurgence of troops into the CVS on Park and 18th. | 1.2430 | 0.04759 | 107 | 84 | 20 | 3 |
1536 | Military spending is out of control these days. | 1.2430 | 0.05116 | 107 | 86 | 16 | 5 |
1537 | Four tours of duty...eleven tours of duty-free. | 1.2430 | 0.04940 | 107 | 85 | 18 | 4 |
1538 | This is my favorite one from the Apollo ticker tape parade. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1539 | It’s a citation from the supreme commander. It only looks like a shopping list. | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1540 | Return policy is on the back, ma'am. | 1.2407 | 0.05403 | 108 | 89 | 12 | 7 |
1541 | Civilians may call it a "to do" list. I prefer "lock and load." | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1542 | My lost battles... what civilians call "previous relationships" " | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1543 | That is for the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1544 | No. I’m the ACTING undersecretary | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1545 | It shows the cost of war. | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1546 | Oh, THAT one is my receipt for the battle of Black Friday. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1547 | Oh general, I didn't catch your name earlier. The boys call me by my initials, General C.V.S. | 1.2407 | 0.05403 | 108 | 89 | 12 | 7 |
1548 | Yeah, I got this CVS Award of Honor for my service in the War on Drugstores | 1.2407 | 0.05864 | 108 | 92 | 6 | 10 |
1549 | I didn't have enough space for all the medals. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1550 | Oops. Now I have to kill you. | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1551 | Not a medal, my turn for getting the bagels tomorrow. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1552 | It’s my medal for being the best checker at the PX. | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1553 | Do you feel military rank should be based on merit or trips to CVS for POTUS? | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1554 | One dollar per second. | 1.2407 | 0.04533 | 108 | 84 | 22 | 2 |
1555 | The price of a man in uniform keeps going up, thank you for shopping. | 1.2407 | 0.04533 | 108 | 84 | 22 | 2 |
1556 | Congress demands we keep a running tab on expenses. | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1557 | Yes, in fact we are looking at the cost of android soldiers. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1558 | You think War is taxing? Let me you about CVS. | 1.2407 | 0.04720 | 108 | 85 | 20 | 3 |
1559 | I lost my left arm trying to jerk off a tank | 1.2407 | 0.05561 | 108 | 90 | 10 | 8 |
1560 | Pardon me, I was just reading your list of places where you plan to start a war. | 1.2407 | 0.05561 | 108 | 90 | 10 | 8 |
1561 | Instead of a printer ribbon, it's a ribbon printer. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1562 | Darling, I thought we agreed not to talk about all your accomplishments tonight... | 1.2407 | 0.04900 | 108 | 86 | 18 | 4 |
1563 | I killed all those guys. | 1.2407 | 0.05561 | 108 | 90 | 10 | 8 |
1564 | As a matter of fact, this medal is on toilet paper. I’ve had a lengthy career of brown-nosing. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1565 | Budget cuts... | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1566 | Yes, I was awarded this one from CVS. | 1.2407 | 0.05403 | 108 | 89 | 12 | 7 |
1567 | It’s for the rank of CVS. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1568 | I don't like to talk about the things I saw at the Battle of CVS. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1569 | As you can see, I'm far more than just an 'ok' boomer | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1570 | I shall return. | 1.2407 | 0.05403 | 108 | 89 | 12 | 7 |
1571 | I see you've been shopping at CVS | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1572 | It’s my receipt from CVS | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1573 | Here’s the drink tab. No rush. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1574 | In retrospect, I shouldn't have disputed the tweeted order. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1575 | I keep our top secrets close to my chest. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1576 | It's the Grocery Good Conduct ribbon. From the Battle of the Bulge! | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1577 | This is just the short list | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1578 | Did you get that from CVS? | 1.2407 | 0.04720 | 108 | 85 | 20 | 3 |
1579 | We’re working on a digital rank display as we speak. | 1.2407 | 0.05241 | 108 | 88 | 14 | 6 |
1580 | The last one is for explaining all the other ones. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1581 | I am under orders to tell you that my commanding officer is a very funny guy, ma'am. | 1.2407 | 0.05073 | 108 | 87 | 16 | 5 |
1582 | With foreign policy nowadays, there are a lot of asterisks. | 1.2407 | 0.05561 | 108 | 90 | 10 | 8 |
1583 | That one's for uncommon thriftiness. | 1.2389 | 0.04580 | 113 | 89 | 21 | 3 |
1584 | Front line cashier at CVS, Bagram. Thanks. | 1.2389 | 0.04580 | 113 | 89 | 21 | 3 |
1585 | My EKG - proves I have a heart! | 1.2389 | 0.05225 | 113 | 93 | 13 | 7 |
1586 | I see you've earned the CVS medal. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1587 | It's a transcript of a very high level administration official's telephone call that I didn't report. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1588 | No mam, we cannot just ignore President Trump | 1.2389 | 0.05374 | 113 | 94 | 11 | 8 |
1589 | It's my shortest CVS receipt. | 1.2389 | 0.05071 | 113 | 92 | 15 | 6 |
1590 | It's the tab for all the people who've thanked me for my service. | 1.2389 | 0.04580 | 113 | 89 | 21 | 3 |
1591 | Yes ma'am, I'm the real deal--and for your information, I'm drinking straight scotch from this disgusting wine glass. | 1.2389 | 0.04749 | 113 | 90 | 19 | 4 |
1592 | When I retired I was head of security at the CVS on 23rd and First. | 1.2389 | 0.04749 | 113 | 90 | 19 | 4 |
1593 | It’s my wife’s grocery list dammit. | 1.2389 | 0.04404 | 113 | 88 | 23 | 2 |
1594 | That's the cost of the illusion of freedom. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1595 | That’s for winning the Battle of CVS. | 1.2389 | 0.05071 | 113 | 92 | 15 | 6 |
1596 | You earned a free bar of soap from CVS. | 1.2389 | 0.05225 | 113 | 93 | 13 | 7 |
1597 | Sure, I was the guy that shopped for the rest of the Generals but, darnit, I did it well. | 1.2389 | 0.04749 | 113 | 90 | 19 | 4 |
1598 | I assumed they meant I'd be in receipt of a Certificate for Valorous Service. | 1.2389 | 0.04493 | 113 | 91 | 18 | 4 |
1599 | Yes, ma'am, I am a 4-Star General. Yes, it is a grocery list. And yes, I do serve, (sob), at the President's discretion. | 1.2389 | 0.05225 | 113 | 93 | 13 | 7 |
1600 | That's the one Trump tried to rip off so he could wear it himself. | 1.2389 | 0.04749 | 113 | 90 | 19 | 4 |
1601 | Just keep the printed receipt and return the bombers within 10 days if you’re not completely satisfied. | 1.2389 | 0.04580 | 113 | 89 | 21 | 3 |
1602 | When businessmen become politicians, This is what happens. | 1.2389 | 0.05071 | 113 | 92 | 15 | 6 |
1603 | All the positive Trump tweets that I sent | 1.2389 | 0.04580 | 113 | 89 | 21 | 3 |
1604 | Here's your receipt,Congresswoman. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1605 | I did not save $4.64 with my value card to have it go unrecognized! | 1.2389 | 0.05071 | 113 | 92 | 15 | 6 |
1606 | I got this after my tour of Wal-Mart | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1607 | Multiple tours of the PX. | 1.2389 | 0.04749 | 113 | 90 | 19 | 4 |
1608 | I'm the family shopper. My wife gave me that one for Distinguished Service. | 1.2389 | 0.04580 | 113 | 89 | 21 | 3 |
1609 | ...and that one's from the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1610 | Oh, that? That's my grocery shopping receipt. | 1.2389 | 0.05225 | 113 | 93 | 13 | 7 |
1611 | And this one is for the terrifying years I spent as a cashier at the grocery store. | 1.2389 | 0.04404 | 113 | 88 | 23 | 2 |
1612 | No, I'm not going to tell the President to Behave. | 1.2389 | 0.04749 | 113 | 90 | 19 | 4 |
1613 | My major battles were on Black Friday. | 1.2389 | 0.05519 | 113 | 95 | 9 | 9 |
1614 | I don't think I ordered Afghanistan. | 1.2389 | 0.05225 | 113 | 93 | 13 | 7 |
1615 | Oh, talking points from the boss. | 1.2389 | 0.05225 | 113 | 93 | 13 | 7 |
1616 | It seems it’s how they reward à la carte battle plans | 1.2389 | 0.04314 | 113 | 90 | 20 | 3 |
1617 | The medals are okay, but what I’m really proud of is how I maximized my coupons at the grocery store yesterday. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1618 | Those are the ones I gave myself. | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1619 | Are my secret codes showing again? | 1.2389 | 0.04913 | 113 | 91 | 17 | 5 |
1620 | Trump campaigns--ready to tear off if he ever leaves. | 1.2385 | 0.05814 | 109 | 93 | 6 | 10 |
1621 | Wow, a pound of flesh has no value! | 1.2385 | 0.05031 | 109 | 88 | 16 | 5 |
1622 | That happens whenever I see a nice set. | 1.2385 | 0.05358 | 109 | 90 | 12 | 7 |
1623 | I got it for so often saying "Charge". | 1.2385 | 0.05197 | 109 | 89 | 14 | 6 |
1624 | Just a list of general topics." | 1.2385 | 0.04681 | 109 | 86 | 20 | 3 |
1625 | These are my receipts, to show you that I'm a five -star General and worthy of your attention" | 1.2368 | 0.04712 | 114 | 91 | 19 | 4 |
1626 | I I'm in the new Army! No freebies! This is my price list. Accessories like tanks and bombers are extra. | 1.2368 | 0.04874 | 114 | 92 | 17 | 5 |
1627 | This was for service in Silicon Valley | 1.2364 | 0.03274 | 110 | 88 | 21 | 1 |
1628 | Defending our country isn't cheap! | 1.2364 | 0.04644 | 110 | 87 | 20 | 3 |
1629 | It's been nice talking to you General Drug Store | 1.2364 | 0.04820 | 110 | 88 | 18 | 4 |
1630 | It was awarded for bravery at the Battle of CVS. | 1.2364 | 0.05154 | 110 | 90 | 14 | 6 |
1631 | It's a new policy - we're leaving the sales receipt attached so the taxpayers can see what all those medals cost. | 1.2364 | 0.04990 | 110 | 89 | 16 | 5 |
1632 | Oh my gosh, Alma. You look better in that dress than I do ! | 1.2364 | 0.05314 | 110 | 91 | 12 | 7 |
1633 | My pink slip signed by the President. | 1.2364 | 0.05314 | 110 | 91 | 12 | 7 |
1634 | That one's from a 3-year tour I did at CVS. | 1.2364 | 0.04171 | 110 | 87 | 21 | 2 |
1635 | It’s a list if my subpoenas. | 1.2364 | 0.04990 | 110 | 89 | 16 | 5 |
1636 | That’s for “Excellence in Targeting.” | 1.2364 | 0.05154 | 110 | 90 | 14 | 6 |
1637 | It's our new CVS strategy - extortionate healthcare is a quicker way to ruin a country than invasion or nukes. | 1.2364 | 0.04990 | 110 | 89 | 16 | 5 |
1638 | And I earned this one from buying a toothbrush at CVS | 1.2364 | 0.05154 | 110 | 90 | 14 | 6 |
1639 | ...And that was how I earned the CVS Receipt of Honor | 1.2364 | 0.04820 | 110 | 88 | 18 | 4 |
1640 | ...and in 3rd grade I got 'Tries Hard'. | 1.2364 | 0.04990 | 110 | 89 | 16 | 5 |
1641 | Thanks for noticing, but no, it's simply a grocery receipt, I'm responsible for stocking the mess hall. | 1.2364 | 0.05154 | 110 | 90 | 14 | 6 |
1642 | You think that’s impressive, you should see General CVS. | 1.2364 | 0.05468 | 110 | 92 | 10 | 8 |
1643 | It was for my leading a successful charge at dawn on Black Friday and we took no casualties! | 1.2364 | 0.04644 | 110 | 87 | 20 | 3 |
1644 | I had to stop by CVS before this. | 1.2364 | 0.04990 | 110 | 89 | 16 | 5 |
1645 | I've never forgotten the Boy Scout Motto to be prepared. | 1.2364 | 0.05468 | 110 | 92 | 10 | 8 |
1646 | “As the Rear Admiral, I oversee the toilet paper budget.” | 1.2364 | 0.05314 | 110 | 91 | 12 | 7 |
1647 | It's a reminder of the tab I ran up at last year's cocktail party. | 1.2364 | 0.04820 | 110 | 88 | 18 | 4 |
1648 | It's a CVS. Certified Valor in Service | 1.2364 | 0.04820 | 110 | 88 | 18 | 4 |
1649 | I said “here’s the shopping list”, not “go and enlist!” | 1.2364 | 0.04990 | 110 | 89 | 16 | 5 |
1650 | I shopped. They dropped. | 1.2364 | 0.04460 | 110 | 86 | 22 | 2 |
1651 | Below the Purple Heart, you'll find my references and employment history. | 1.2364 | 0.04820 | 110 | 88 | 18 | 4 |
1652 | It's our latest effort in raising awareness for the GI Bill. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1653 | Tab's on me tonight. | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1654 | It's a print-out of the additional medals which I should have gotten. | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1655 | The Privileges of Rank also involve getting stuck with a Running Tab. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1656 | That? It’s just a grocery list. | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1657 | Since #metoo, the Pentagon decided they needed to give us a list of what NOT to do on a date. | 1.2315 | 0.05361 | 108 | 90 | 11 | 7 |
1658 | That's for action in the Check Republic. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1659 | It all adds up to me being very eligible. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1660 | I got this one for Black Friday. | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1661 | It's for Distinguished Accountability. | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1662 | That one is for the Black Friday Campaign | 1.2315 | 0.05197 | 108 | 89 | 13 | 6 |
1663 | They're tweets,from you know who. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1664 | As duty demands, I only buy generic brands. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1665 | It's for Smart Procurement. | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1666 | So what do you think? Was I overcharged for these medals? | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1667 | Yes, ma'am. Scribbled redacted notes on toilet paper has proven to be the most effective and affordable deterrent to hacking. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1668 | Is that your CVS receipt in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1669 | Commissary......holiday season....'04.........brutal. | 1.2315 | 0.04482 | 108 | 85 | 21 | 2 |
1670 | Yes ma'am. I'm Santa's attache. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1671 | Yes, my division is sponsored by CVS. | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1672 | It’s my answer to “What’s that one for?” | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1673 | So, he just pardoned all your war crimes? Just like that? | 1.2315 | 0.04482 | 108 | 85 | 21 | 2 |
1674 | Yes, Ma'am, I'm on the clock. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1675 | Yes I was also the ranking officer for base commissaries | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1676 | It's a receipt reminding me we are still paying for the last war. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1677 | I'd like the light blue one with five white stars. Does the price include tax? | 1.2315 | 0.05197 | 108 | 89 | 13 | 6 |
1678 | That's a list of the disclaimers that go along with my awards. | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1679 | Itemized receipt for collateral damage. | 1.2315 | 0.04671 | 108 | 86 | 19 | 3 |
1680 | That's for my service in the Battle of CVS. | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1681 | That's just a receipt from the commissary. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1682 | Yes, I really am registered with the Green Party. | 1.2315 | 0.05028 | 108 | 88 | 15 | 5 |
1683 | That ribbon bar prints in portrait and landscape. | 1.2315 | 0.04853 | 108 | 87 | 17 | 4 |
1684 | I served three Black Friday tours. | 1.2264 | 0.04698 | 106 | 85 | 18 | 3 |
1685 | It was for the Battle of CVS. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1686 | It says here you fought at the Battle of Safeway. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1687 | I said "excuse me", not "pardon me". | 1.2264 | 0.04503 | 106 | 84 | 20 | 2 |
1688 | It's from my last sortie to Home Depot. | 1.2264 | 0.04503 | 106 | 84 | 20 | 2 |
1689 | Under the campaign ribbons is a list of tweets about what I don't know, should know, can't know, couldn't know, won't know, used to know, and reminder that I'm not as super-duper badass awesome as he is. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1690 | Our Commander In Chief is a businessman. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1691 | It's my Catering Corp Medal with bar tab. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1692 | Read it and weep. | 1.2264 | 0.05066 | 106 | 87 | 14 | 5 |
1693 | Young lady, I’ll have you know that these medals cost an arm and a leg. | 1.2264 | 0.05066 | 106 | 87 | 14 | 5 |
1694 | Looks like someone thinks he was a good little boy this year. | 1.2264 | 0.04503 | 106 | 84 | 20 | 2 |
1695 | I got it in the Costco Wars of 2018. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1696 | And next to my Medal of Honor is my Receipt of Discontent | 1.2264 | 0.04503 | 106 | 84 | 20 | 2 |
1697 | That’s my award for braving the mall on Black Friday. | 1.2264 | 0.04698 | 106 | 85 | 18 | 3 |
1698 | I earned that one during the media wars. | 1.2264 | 0.04503 | 106 | 84 | 20 | 2 |
1699 | It's the fitty men I killed. | 1.2264 | 0.00948 | 106 | 93 | 10 | 3 |
1700 | It's a great conversation starter. | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1701 | We get returned at dawn. | 1.2264 | 0.05066 | 106 | 87 | 14 | 5 |
1702 | You know when you buy a new car and they give you those temporary tags? | 1.2264 | 0.04698 | 106 | 85 | 18 | 3 |
1703 | Congress did not authorize the dip, that's correct. | 1.2264 | 0.05573 | 106 | 90 | 8 | 8 |
1704 | It's the new top secret spyware. It records everything you say immediately for future record. Can you read shorthand? I need an assistant. | 1.2264 | 0.04886 | 106 | 86 | 16 | 4 |
1705 | I carry this around as a reminder of the last time I picked up everybody's tab. | 1.2264 | 0.04698 | 106 | 85 | 18 | 3 |
1706 | They're all my CVS Rewards | 1.2264 | 0.04886 | 106 | 86 | 16 | 4 |
1707 | I also have a part time job at Target. I was recently promoted. | 1.2264 | 0.05066 | 106 | 87 | 14 | 5 |
1708 | Sorry ma'am, I thought it was an open bar. | 1.2264 | 0.04698 | 106 | 85 | 18 | 3 |
1709 | Please, don’t repeat this to anyone! It’s a target co-ordinate list from my last mission over un-named lands. But nowadays, I use it for rolling weed! Got some? | 1.2264 | 0.05240 | 106 | 88 | 12 | 6 |
1710 | Usually the toilet paper sticks to my shoe | 1.2264 | 0.05573 | 106 | 90 | 8 | 8 |
1711 | I'm your "Service Robot", another drink? I'm your "Service Robot", another........... | 1.2264 | 0.04503 | 106 | 84 | 20 | 2 |
1712 | That's for the CVS Tour of Duty. | 1.2264 | 0.05066 | 106 | 87 | 14 | 5 |
1713 | you know how important i am by the number of tweets sent out about me from Captain Bonespurs | 1.2264 | 0.05066 | 106 | 87 | 14 | 5 |
1714 | It's a very prestigious, very hush-hush British award called Victoria's Secret. | 1.2264 | 0.05573 | 106 | 90 | 8 | 8 |
1715 | It's for surviving Black Friday. | 1.2264 | 0.04698 | 106 | 85 | 18 | 3 |
1716 | My wife works for CVS, so it was easy. | 1.2264 | 0.04886 | 106 | 86 | 16 | 4 |
1717 | Don't forget to tip for the war effort. | 1.2264 | 0.04084 | 106 | 87 | 16 | 3 |
1718 | ..we may go to war with Iran. Woman: Your Extracare bucks are expiring. | 1.2264 | 0.05409 | 106 | 89 | 10 | 7 |
1719 | It's for The Battle of The Budget | 1.2252 | 0.04904 | 111 | 91 | 15 | 5 |
1720 | I hate it when they call it "naval gazing." | 1.2252 | 0.04735 | 111 | 90 | 17 | 4 |
1721 | It's my favorite wine list by entree. | 1.2233 | 0.04562 | 103 | 82 | 19 | 2 |
1722 | It's my Walmart campaign service commendation. | 1.2233 | 0.05150 | 103 | 85 | 13 | 5 |
1723 | Supermarket wars, Ma'am! | 1.2233 | 0.04766 | 103 | 83 | 17 | 3 |
1724 | She found him married when he saw his shopping list. One of the items was "Bring Bread". | 1.2233 | 0.04962 | 103 | 84 | 15 | 4 |
1725 | yes, just got back from CVS...why do you ask? | 1.2233 | 0.05150 | 103 | 85 | 13 | 5 |
1726 | It's a love letter for Kim, Xi, and Vlad. | 1.2233 | 0.04766 | 103 | 83 | 17 | 3 |
1727 | Yes, the Battle of CVS. Forgive me, but it's still difficult to talk about. | 1.2233 | 0.04962 | 103 | 84 | 15 | 4 |
1728 | This is my last offer. But no interviews or word to the press. | 1.2233 | 0.05150 | 103 | 85 | 13 | 5 |
1729 | I keep my expenses close to my chest. | 1.2233 | 0.04962 | 103 | 84 | 15 | 4 |
1730 | I got my Meritorious Service Medal from CVS. | 1.2233 | 0.04766 | 103 | 83 | 17 | 3 |
1731 | That's the sales receipt for them from Walgreens. | 1.2233 | 0.04766 | 103 | 83 | 17 | 3 |
1732 | It's the new Tweet Campaign pin. | 1.2233 | 0.04962 | 103 | 84 | 15 | 4 |
1733 | You're right! Can't see a refund for that Trident anywhere. | 1.2233 | 0.05150 | 103 | 85 | 13 | 5 |
1734 | So much heroism, so little space. | 1.2233 | 0.04865 | 103 | 86 | 12 | 5 |
1735 | 2019, yet we still communicate by fax. | 1.2233 | 0.04766 | 103 | 83 | 17 | 3 |
1736 | My wife wants me to stop for groceries on the way home. | 1.2212 | 0.04918 | 104 | 85 | 15 | 4 |
1737 | The army recently calculated the price of valor. | 1.2184 | 0.05526 | 87 | 72 | 11 | 4 |
1738 | It's not stolen valor–I kept the receipt. | 1.2178 | 0.04794 | 101 | 82 | 16 | 3 |
1739 | It's an I.O.U.~ I'm brave but very quick doing it. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1740 | I thought the letter said medal recipient. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1741 | It's an honor to meet you, Miss, here on the cocktail party front-- where so many of my medals have been earned. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1742 | Well sure, everything is paid for in some way by someone. | 1.2178 | 0.04582 | 101 | 81 | 18 | 2 |
1743 | It's for the CVS campaign. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1744 | How impressive Sir! Shall I rip it off and keep it in my bra? So you can play finders keepers later! | 1.2178 | 0.05559 | 101 | 86 | 8 | 7 |
1745 | Credit, debit or cash? | 1.2178 | 0.05378 | 101 | 85 | 10 | 6 |
1746 | Death and taxes. | 1.2178 | 0.04582 | 101 | 81 | 18 | 2 |
1747 | Yes- when there's a pardon, it reflects on all of us. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1748 | I mean, I’ve never been asked to sign terms and conditions for a social chat. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1749 | Hard to believe, but CVS actually sells military decorations. | 1.2178 | 0.04128 | 101 | 84 | 14 | 3 |
1750 | And, as you can see, that one cost me an arm. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1751 | I got this one for killing 40 pizzas in 30 days. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1752 | They won't let me return to war without my receipt. | 1.2178 | 0.04361 | 101 | 80 | 20 | 1 |
1753 | You pick up the tab at the officers club often enough you're awarded a ribbon. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1754 | It says here I ordered taller! | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1755 | It's a rental | 1.2178 | 0.04582 | 101 | 81 | 18 | 2 |
1756 | I have receipts. | 1.2178 | 0.04794 | 101 | 82 | 16 | 3 |
1757 | The Pentagon requires a receipt attached for everything these days. | 1.2178 | 0.04582 | 101 | 81 | 18 | 2 |
1758 | It’s a real time EKG. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1759 | True story: this is the actual Schindler's List. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1760 | Better step back. CVS is sending my weekly coupons for hemorrhoid cream.” | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1761 | Well that's surprising. I would have thought that jacket would be dry clean only. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1762 | My wife awarded me this medal after The Battle of the I Got the Wrong Brand Yogurt at The Grocery Store | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1763 | This is my laundry list. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1764 | They cost me an arm and leg. | 1.2178 | 0.04794 | 101 | 82 | 16 | 3 |
1765 | My last posting was at the pentagon in charge of small arms sales | 1.2178 | 0.04794 | 101 | 82 | 16 | 3 |
1766 | Oooo, that's an impressive list of pardons! | 1.2178 | 0.04794 | 101 | 82 | 16 | 3 |
1767 | It's hard to fit all these accomplishments on LinkedIn | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1768 | It's great to have a legend here. | 1.2178 | 0.05190 | 101 | 84 | 12 | 5 |
1769 | My wife asked me to stop by the grocery store on the way home. | 1.2178 | 0.04996 | 101 | 83 | 14 | 4 |
1770 | Transparency in government, Ma’am. We Generals wear our receipts as proudly as our ribbons. | 1.2169 | 0.05950 | 83 | 70 | 8 | 5 |
1771 | It's what these medals cost me. | 1.2162 | 0.05858 | 74 | 61 | 10 | 3 |
1772 | Sure, I can show you something longer. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1773 | That's my index to remind me what the heck all the ribbons are for . | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1774 | General, I'd go with Oligarch's Delight in the 5th. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1775 | Showing my expenses from raising 4 children warrants a ribbon of it's own. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1776 | That one is for frugality. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1777 | I always forget to use my extrabucks rewards if I don't keep my receipt handy. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1778 | Yes, my wife’s grocery list is a lot like an endless war. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1779 | All ready for the ticker tape parade. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1780 | They amputated my left arm and gave me this "bill of honor." | 1.2143 | 0.04412 | 98 | 78 | 19 | 1 |
1781 | Why don't we step outside and I'll show you my vanity plates. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1782 | Sure, everyone thanks me for my service, but is an additional 20% before tax too much to expect? | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1783 | Damn, that four-top just ordered another war. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1784 | It’s my bar tab. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1785 | And this one is for the CVS campaign. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1786 | So how long have you been decorating? | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1787 | I was wounded in the Campaign of 2012. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1788 | Well...you could have had it e-mailed! | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1789 | It's for bravery on Black Friday. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1790 | Hmm...is that a disclaimer? | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1791 | Thank me for my service. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1792 | We aren't allowed to post on Twitter. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1793 | The bartender said he was keeping a running tab on me. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1794 | What language are you important in? | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1795 | This one's the real transcript. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1796 | I won that one on a draw at the Px. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1797 | It's the only way my honey do list gets completed | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1798 | And those are the ones from CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1799 | It’s called “Extended Bona Fides.” | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1800 | Of course the CVS medal is one of the most prestigious. Tomorrow I'm going to save 35¢ on soup. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1801 | It's for safely guiding my troops through hostile lines at CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1802 | It's Eisenhower's fruit salad recipe | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1803 | No, it's not a receipt for purchased medals. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1804 | Of course we all liked it better when our money came straight from Congress, but we really did do very well at the bake sale! | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1805 | No, ma’am, this is not my honey-do list. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1806 | I'd prefer the belt notch. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1807 | The receipt from CVS was too long for my pocket. | 1.2143 | 0.04412 | 98 | 78 | 19 | 1 |
1808 | So, the General shops at CVS? | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1809 | I got tired of carrying so many heavy metal pins, okay? | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1810 | It reduces award-making costs. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1811 | This one commemorates my time in CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1812 | Those are for surviving Tweets. | 1.2143 | 0.05475 | 98 | 83 | 9 | 6 |
1813 | Umm, Judy makes me wear that one. Honey-do list | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1814 | Their weight was worsening my scoliosis. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1815 | I've got to give credit wherever I 'do. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1816 | This one? My first deployment to CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1817 | Oooh, the CVS pharmacy medal for patience. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1818 | I am very proud of the white ribbon that I won at the state fair for pie baking. | 1.2143 | 0.03478 | 98 | 82 | 14 | 2 |
1819 | Madam, my medals are down there. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1820 | I find the list helps me keep track of whom I have to respect and who has to respect me.. | 1.2143 | 0.04412 | 98 | 78 | 19 | 1 |
1821 | I'll match my chest against yours any day! | 1.2143 | 0.04412 | 98 | 78 | 19 | 1 |
1822 | All that for Christmas? | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1823 | Running list of Commander-in-Chief personnel orders. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1824 | In lieu of a ticker tape parade. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1825 | You lost your arm in a power grab? | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1826 | ...anyway we lost a lot of good men in that CVS. A lot of good men. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1827 | I don't mean to brag, but...... | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1828 | And that last one I got at CVS | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1829 | No, it is NOT a CVS receipt! | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1830 | My shopping is also quite distinguished... | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1831 | It's my resumé. I like people to know I'm qualified. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1832 | I'm a four-star general, but I'm on sale for half-price this week. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1833 | How impressive, you're keeping tract of the national debt. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1834 | 24/7, we can’t spend it fast enough. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1835 | I’ve received longer tapes at CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1836 | Excuse me sir, have you seen my name badge...Dollar General? | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1837 | Complete the survey at the bottom, and you’ll be entered for a chance to win the deployment of a full battalion to the trouble spot of your choice. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1838 | It’s a listing of all my commendations by Trump on Twitter | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1839 | I started in the commissary. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1840 | And then there was the battle at CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1841 | So I said, ‘Why stop at ticker tape parades?’, and had this beauty installed last week. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1842 | And that one, of course, was for testifying at his impeachment. Nice pearls, by the way. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1843 | ...And this one I got the last time I went to CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1844 | Purple prose | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1845 | It’s for ‘The Honey-Do Campaign’. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1846 | ... and after I spent the $400, I told them what they could do with their free turkey. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1847 | And this one is for ten percent off for my next purchase at CVS. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1848 | Regrets, I've had a few; The military is a cruel mistress; Tomorrow never comes; You seem like a nice girl.........; What's the next one say? | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1849 | That's why it's called a military-industrial COMPLEX! | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1850 | And these are just today's military discounts. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1851 | After my testimony, Trump made me wear a disclaimer on my medals. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1852 | It's safer in case there's a lightning storm. | 1.2143 | 0.05475 | 98 | 83 | 9 | 6 |
1853 | That one is for reading between the lines of the Commander in Chief's speech. | 1.2143 | 0.05475 | 98 | 83 | 9 | 6 |
1854 | Well, I earned this one at the battle of CVS. It's actually 2 yards long and goes all the way down my pant leg. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1855 | The list would be longer but my battery needs replacing. | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1856 | Wow, so that's what the our taxes pay for? | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1857 | This one was for bravery on Black Friday 2018. | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1858 | CVS regiment, ma’am.” | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1859 | Madam these are all the personal conflicts I have served in, in the last three decades of service. | 1.2143 | 0.05280 | 98 | 82 | 11 | 5 |
1860 | It’s a list of everything in this fruit salad! | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1861 | price list for the bake sale items. the new manned- drone project needs funding fast! | 1.2143 | 0.04644 | 98 | 79 | 17 | 2 |
1862 | Its my short form resignation letter. | 1.2143 | 0.04412 | 98 | 78 | 19 | 1 |
1863 | No, that's just my Honey Do List. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1864 | Its a list of my other achievements | 1.2143 | 0.04865 | 98 | 80 | 15 | 3 |
1865 | Conspicuous valor. | 1.2143 | 0.05077 | 98 | 81 | 13 | 4 |
1866 | They thank me for my service, yet never offer a tip. | 1.2143 | 0.04972 | 98 | 83 | 10 | 5 |
1867 | Frankly Madam, I itemize everything. | 1.2143 | 0.04412 | 98 | 78 | 19 | 1 |
1868 | Wow, I’ve never seen them itemized before. | 1.2136 | 0.04503 | 103 | 83 | 18 | 2 |
1869 | The Department felt that the actual receipts would be more impressive. | 1.2136 | 0.04709 | 103 | 84 | 16 | 3 |
1870 | ...and I get 15% off my next medal. | 1.2136 | 0.04709 | 103 | 84 | 16 | 3 |
1871 | Is that as big as it gets? | 1.2136 | 0.04503 | 103 | 83 | 18 | 2 |
1872 | Would you like your name to be added to this list of distinguished women I have conquered? | 1.2136 | 0.04286 | 103 | 82 | 20 | 1 |
1873 | I’m an officer of the line item | 1.2136 | 0.04907 | 103 | 85 | 14 | 4 |
1874 | My therapist says I have a military industrial complex. | 1.2136 | 0.04503 | 103 | 83 | 18 | 2 |
1875 | Yes, its a fax-- military appropriations for cell phones were used to pay for the wall. | 1.2136 | 0.04907 | 103 | 85 | 14 | 4 |
1876 | Can I take advantage of the 'Buy One, Get One Free' deal before it expires? | 1.2136 | 0.05098 | 103 | 86 | 12 | 5 |
1877 | Yes, I did just return from CVS, how did you know? | 1.2136 | 0.04709 | 103 | 84 | 16 | 3 |
1878 | Talk is cheap but dry cleaning is expensive | 1.2136 | 0.04709 | 103 | 84 | 16 | 3 |
1879 | That's for my service with the Paper Tigers. | 1.2136 | 0.04709 | 103 | 84 | 16 | 3 |
1880 | Oh, this? This isn't a medal. This is a just list of all the times I had a PTSD-related panic attack in the last month. | 1.2136 | 0.04907 | 103 | 85 | 14 | 4 |
1881 | I like to give credit where credit is due. | 1.2121 | 0.05030 | 99 | 82 | 13 | 4 |
1882 | I'm running a quick background check. | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1883 | Actually, I ordered a Czech uniform. | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1884 | That one, madam, is for latrine duty | 1.2083 | 0.05322 | 96 | 81 | 10 | 5 |
1885 | The running tab of war crime pardons I need to discreetly countermand when I get home tonight... | 1.2083 | 0.05322 | 96 | 81 | 10 | 5 |
1886 | We thought installing these would help us keep up with the chaotic commands. Didn't work. | 1.2083 | 0.05322 | 96 | 81 | 10 | 5 |
1887 | That's my CVS ribbon of merit | 1.2083 | 0.05322 | 96 | 81 | 10 | 5 |
1888 | Black Friday shopping at Costco is no joke, let me tell you! | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1889 | That one? Oh, that one’s just my bar tab. | 1.2083 | 0.05112 | 96 | 80 | 12 | 4 |
1890 | Excuse me sir, I'm just very impressed by the amount of tax you paid -- even less than mine! | 1.2083 | 0.05322 | 96 | 81 | 10 | 5 |
1891 | Commander-In-Chief? Refresh my memory | 1.2083 | 0.04893 | 96 | 79 | 14 | 3 |
1892 | General Lee speaking... | 1.2083 | 0.04893 | 96 | 79 | 14 | 3 |
1893 | We all serve at the pleasure of the president. I just happen to dish up a bit more pleasure than the others. | 1.2083 | 0.04422 | 96 | 77 | 18 | 1 |
1894 | This one's for bravery during the BOGO War of 2016. | 1.2083 | 0.05112 | 96 | 80 | 12 | 4 |
1895 | My list of approved titles for the president, after I called him Herr | 1.2083 | 0.04893 | 96 | 79 | 14 | 3 |
1896 | Yes Ma'am, this is a short list of the positions for which I'm being considered by the President. | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1897 | It's the President's Twitter feed directed to the Army. | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1898 | That's just the portion of the CVS receipt I couldn't quite shove in my pocket. | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1899 | I'm being sent to Saudi Arabia, 'invoice enclosed.' | 1.2083 | 0.05322 | 96 | 81 | 10 | 5 |
1900 | It's a printout of my impeachment testimony. Saves time. | 1.2083 | 0.04663 | 96 | 78 | 16 | 2 |
1901 | I received the CVS Honorable Discharge. | 1.2069 | 0.05206 | 87 | 72 | 12 | 3 |
1902 | Yes ma’am, my many conquests. | 1.2065 | 0.04516 | 92 | 74 | 17 | 1 |
1903 | I'm still working on memorizing my "oath of trump." | 1.2062 | 0.05064 | 97 | 81 | 12 | 4 |
1904 | It commemorates my service on Black Friday. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1905 | And this one was for the Battle of CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.05418 | 93 | 79 | 9 | 5 |
1906 | I can see from my readout you're 32, single, employed as a teacher and have a dog named Doby. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1907 | I just like to keep tabs on the taxpayers’ money on my battles. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1908 | My first tour of duty was at a CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1909 | I'm the Admiral of CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1910 | It's my bill for services rendered. | 1.2043 | 0.04473 | 93 | 75 | 17 | 1 |
1911 | That’s for single handedly capturing a bargain TV at the Black Friday sale. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1912 | That's my receipt from CVS for aspirin. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1913 | Thanks for shopping. Would you like your receipt? | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1914 | Mamm, procurement is hell. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1915 | I give receipts, ma'am | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1916 | Its an award for procurement with a star for value. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1917 | I see you’ve been to CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1918 | General enlistment. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1919 | Sponsored by CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1920 | In the 60’s I was briefly stationed at CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1921 | When were you in CVS? | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1922 | The eventual plan is to get it all on a small screen. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1923 | That's for one tour of duty in CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1924 | You’ll find that, in the long run, military service really can pay off. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1925 | ok boomer | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1926 | Did you copy that? | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1927 | I was an Eagle Scout: Always bring TP. | 1.2043 | 0.05418 | 93 | 79 | 9 | 5 |
1928 | A lot of Prell got spilled in Rite-Aid Valley | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1929 | I work part time at CVS | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1930 | That's right. I spent over one hundred dollars at CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1931 | CVS citation. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1932 | If I have some spare time, would you like me to calculate your budget deficit? | 1.2043 | 0.04473 | 93 | 75 | 17 | 1 |
1933 | Yes, I do shop frequently at CVS. Why do you ask? | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1934 | I see you've noticed the 'Shopped Correctly For My Spouse' badge | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1935 | Believe it or not, this entire receipt is from one thing I bought at CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.03439 | 93 | 79 | 12 | 2 |
1936 | I got it for surviving self-checkout at CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1937 | You should see my email signature... | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1938 | I got my training at CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1939 | My wife calls it the Distinguished Grocery Shopper award. | 1.2043 | 0.05418 | 93 | 79 | 9 | 5 |
1940 | Here's your receipt, Ms. Taxpayer. Do you use a cash back card? | 1.2043 | 0.02884 | 93 | 80 | 11 | 2 |
1941 | Oh that's just next week's invasion plans so I don't lose them. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1942 | What is your favorite dressing for all of that fruit salad? | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1943 | I just received my new orders. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1944 | I'm getting a jump on the ticker tape parade. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1945 | I got that one for attaching original receipts. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1946 | I got that one for going to CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.04473 | 93 | 75 | 17 | 1 |
1947 | That's for how much I saved the Pentagon by not going on junkets. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1948 | Sorry, but I haven't finished processing yet. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1949 | Is that a receipt for your medals or are you just happy to see me? | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1950 | Just read it off the printout. I'm tired of answering the questions. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1951 | That medal is for keeping up with the President's tweets. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1952 | That is for Distinguished Action in the Black Friday Operation. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1953 | It's for whenever someone says 'What do you want, a medal?' | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1954 | Grrr. This darn printer...tickles...me. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1955 | General Accounts. And yours? | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1956 | It’s the bill for the estimated cost of me saving your ass since 9/11! | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1957 | It’s a ledger. I’m a general ledger, ok? | 1.2043 | 0.05418 | 93 | 79 | 9 | 5 |
1958 | And the bottom one is a receipt from, "Guns Are Us". | 1.2043 | 0.05418 | 93 | 79 | 9 | 5 |
1959 | It saves time and in case I forget what they're for. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1960 | It’s the receipt from my purchase of the medals! | 1.2043 | 0.05630 | 93 | 80 | 7 | 6 |
1961 | I guess CVS really does sell everything. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1962 | It's called a smart badge. I hear the younger guys have ones with a digital readout. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1963 | I'm not actually in the Army. I've just driven a cab in New York City for 35 years. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1964 | It’s a receipt . . . don’t ask. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1965 | Is says here that you "cleaned the bathroom that one time". Wow, thank you for your service. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1966 | You know what they say about the size of a man's CVS receipt...... | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1967 | Yes it is a shopping list. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1968 | No Ma'am, that is not a medal, I stopped at the pharmacy on my way here. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1969 | The best thing when you are captured? You do not have to be sociable and pretend the wine is good. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1970 | Wow, you survived in the great battle at CVS. | 1.2043 | 0.05198 | 93 | 78 | 11 | 4 |
1971 | I see you served during operation bought-a-pack-of-gum-at-the-pharmacy. | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1972 | Actually, I got it all at Army Surplus. That’s the register tape. | 1.2043 | 0.04473 | 93 | 75 | 17 | 1 |
1973 | It was for the Walmart Campaign of '94." | 1.2043 | 0.05418 | 93 | 79 | 9 | 5 |
1974 | Yes, I earned the badges, but be sure to read the disclaimers. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1975 | Now it's your turn to list your accomplishments. | 1.2043 | 0.04727 | 93 | 76 | 15 | 2 |
1976 | How else do you expect me to remember all these names?! | 1.2043 | 0.04968 | 93 | 77 | 13 | 3 |
1977 | Short chest. | 1.2021 | 0.04920 | 94 | 78 | 13 | 3 |
1978 | Would you like to sponsor an invasion? | 1.2021 | 0.04682 | 94 | 77 | 15 | 2 |
1979 | Trump just asked me to take care of his laundry. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
1980 | My wife insists that I wear a list of my past girlfriends whenever I go to a party without her. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
1981 | Its a list of the campaigns we cannot talk about. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
1982 | That’s my receipt from Black Friday...scariest battle I’ve been in. | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
1983 | I served in all the 'Stans | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
1984 | Oh, that one is a glowing review of my new tell-all book. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
1985 | That one is for pulling my privates out of a Black Friday hell hole. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
1986 | That one is for bringing the receipts to the impeachment hearing. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
1987 | Cause I forgot the eggs last time, and she wont go one more day without em. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
1988 | The staff at the White House made this list for me so that the President could introduce me as the military man with the most bigly list of awards ever seen! | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
1989 | It's a list of all the men I killed. Impressed? | 1.1978 | 0.05682 | 91 | 79 | 6 | 6 |
1990 | In case I ever want my heroism back. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
1991 | Sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh. I just didn’t think it’d be a CVS coupon. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
1992 | I got that from Saudi Arabia. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
1993 | This is my general store list. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
1994 | Ma'am, I earned this. The day: BlackFriday. The place: Target Superstore. The time: 5 A.M. I was first in and first out. War is hell. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
1995 | The awards keep coming! | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
1996 | I am a selfserviceman, ma'am. No need to thank me. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
1997 | That one's for meritorious service in the commissary. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
1998 | The death toll from Agent Orange has slowed down a bit. 20 years ago I had to replace the roll 3 times a day. | 1.1978 | 0.05682 | 91 | 79 | 6 | 6 |
1999 | Don’t worry, m’am, I’m unarmed. (Submitted by Denise & Hannah Kerlan — Germantown, TN) | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2000 | That’s for my acts of contrition. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2001 | Lost my arm in a combat zone. Do you need your receipt? | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2002 | It's a list of inane questions to which I do not respond. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2003 | What happened to your arm? | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2004 | And _that_ was for my tour of duty in Cub Foods. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2005 | It's a Cash Register Receipt Ribbon for surviving Black Friday. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2006 | And this one's for shopping at CVS. | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2007 | After the budget cuts, they computerized the awarding process. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2008 | Trump coupons | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2009 | Black Friday duty at the PX | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2010 | My wife worried I’d forget to pick up the groceries. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2011 | This is my wish list for Santa. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2012 | It’s a list of women I’ve known. | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2013 | Did the supermarket win the war? | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2014 | It’s for the Tweeter-in-Chief. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2015 | 2018 Battle of CVS | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2016 | Cost overruns in real time. | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2017 | The ribbon is for kissing up under fire | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2018 | I got that one for successfully buying 74 items in a Whole Foods express lane. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2019 | Well there’s nothing officially about Ukraine on there... | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2020 | These too could be yours for the small price of a lifetime. | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2021 | It's called the MacArthur ribbon. "I shall return." | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2022 | Procurement is tough duty, ma'am. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2023 | Oh, and that’s the human and financial cost of each of these wars | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2024 | My wife’s shopping list. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2025 | My branch? I’m with the Office of Management and Budget. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2026 | The DSC’s on the right. This one’s CVS. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2027 | Oh my, they did cost rather a lot, didn't they? | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2028 | Well, Ma’am, after I testify, they seldom remember to take their receipt | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2029 | Suggested tip is on the bottom line. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2030 | Those are my Over-Budget Citations. I would've never made General without them. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2031 | I received 4 stars from Michelin. You can read the review. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2032 | No! It is not the list of people I killed. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2033 | I agree that it would be better to have your left arm than a list of pending military ribbons and medals. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2034 | Yes -it is my Honey Do List. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2035 | The Capitalist-in-Chief ordered me to display the receipt alongside my trident pin. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2036 | The receipt takes a couple of minutes to print. | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2037 | No Ma'am this is not a grocery list | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2038 | And this one... this is a list of all my fellow soldiers I wished I could kill. | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2039 | Admiral CVS, is it? | 1.1978 | 0.05682 | 91 | 79 | 6 | 6 |
2040 | Buy a dozen F-15’s and you get to fill them up with gas. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2041 | I was rather strictly reminded of which oath takes precedence. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2042 | I's more cost efficient to just make a printout.... | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2043 | That's my CVS Special Forces Medal | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2044 | Are you implying I should pick up the check? | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2045 | It stands for 'Courage, Valor, Service'. | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2046 | It's my bill of rights | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2047 | Walmart was a just war. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2048 | Oh! Three more confirmed kills for a free lip balm! | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2049 | It's always about him. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2050 | I see you are very proud of your divorce settlement. | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2051 | Trust me...I'm courageous, honorific, strategic, eccentric...purple, silver, bronze...everything except "married." | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2052 | Yes, I'm also a decorated holiday shopping veteran. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2053 | War. It’s complicated. Why don’t we get outta here and I’ll give you the details? | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2054 | That's nothing, Sir. I've seen CVS receipts longer than that | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2055 | This Administration medals with price tags | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2056 | There are coupons on the back. | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2057 | You mean you killed all those people? | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2058 | Service-related tweets. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2059 | That ones for milking the government above and beyond the call of duty. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2060 | Bribes paid | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2061 | As you can see by my receipt, I am a very savvy CVS shopper" | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2062 | That one is a shopping list from my wife | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2063 | Nowadays, we get more bang for your buck. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2064 | That one? It's from CVS. The Council for Veterans Services. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2065 | Oh that? No, that's just my dry-cleaning invoice. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2066 | It's a list of all the times I charged on the battlefield. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2067 | And this ribbon I got fighting in Walmart on Black Friday. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2068 | Plus I got free delivery! | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2069 | I am Loyal. I will NOT testify in my uniform. I do NOT mind micromanagement. ........ ........ | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2070 | Your tax dollars at work. | 1.1978 | 0.04480 | 91 | 74 | 16 | 1 |
2071 | That one's for the Black Friday door opening at Walmart. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2072 | It's for distinguished service in the CVS campaign. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2073 | The strange thing is that when anybody pulls on it, it keeps unreeling | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2074 | It's my "to do" list from the Commander in Chief. . . No, it's not from the President. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2075 | Don't tell anyone -- it's just a Duane Reade receipt. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2076 | Typewriter ribbon. Why? | 1.1978 | 0.05463 | 91 | 78 | 8 | 5 |
2077 | You're not just brave, you're expensive! | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2078 | The Congressional Medal of Honor, the Distinguished Service Cross, the Silver Star Medal and the shopping list I fulfilled completely accurately on the very first try, 14 years ago. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2079 | Purple heart prose. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2080 | Oh, it's just a very incomplete list of the regime-change wars I've supported. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2081 | Yes, my dry cleaning bills are astounding. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2082 | This is the receipt I got for my service. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2083 | Promo codes, straight up through the ranks... | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2084 | Receipts, in case the president tries to fire me. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2085 | It's a running tab of public schools who's federal funding was re-pruposed to pay for my retirement. | 1.1978 | 0.05234 | 91 | 77 | 10 | 4 |
2086 | It's for 'Meritorious Expenditures Beyond the Call of Duty'. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2087 | I awarded myself that one for doing the grocery shopping last week. | 1.1978 | 0.04996 | 91 | 76 | 12 | 3 |
2088 | Oh that? That’s my personal iStenographer. | 1.1978 | 0.04745 | 91 | 75 | 14 | 2 |
2089 | Yes, indeed. It represents Amazon Prime | 1.1954 | 0.05128 | 87 | 73 | 11 | 3 |
2090 | Going to CVS was my personal Vietnam. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2091 | It was for creating red tape at the Pentagon. | 1.1932 | 0.04531 | 88 | 72 | 15 | 1 |
2092 | That one came with some special caveats agreed to by my attorneys. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2093 | Would you like your receipt? | 1.1932 | 0.04233 | 88 | 71 | 17 | 0 |
2094 | Oh, you mean my list of achievements. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2095 | What you don't understand dear girl is that I just saved 287 dollars at Grocery Outlet. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2096 | My attorney advised me to. | 1.1932 | 0.05566 | 88 | 76 | 7 | 5 |
2097 | You put um’ in your cart and before you know it | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2098 | Its' the cost of my arm.....and a leg. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2099 | I hesitate to tell you where the ATM is! | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2100 | They’re naming opportunities ma’am. At your giving level you could name one tank or four grenade launchers. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2101 | ...and I got this one for saving 51% off everyday retail prices. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2102 | Do you get to name the new countries? | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2103 | I lost a lot of good men to that BOGO | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2104 | If I keep all the tags, I can return it. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2105 | It’s a new, sponsored award for courage, values, and service. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2106 | I fought in two wars but distinguished myself in procurements. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2107 | This way I can still deny it for 48 hours. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2108 | That one's for my tour of duty at the supermarket." | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2109 | General Giuliani, I presume? | 1.1932 | 0.05326 | 88 | 75 | 9 | 4 |
2110 | What's this ticket for? | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2111 | That's just the price I had to pay for all these medals. | 1.1932 | 0.05326 | 88 | 75 | 9 | 4 |
2112 | It includes my honorable mentions. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2113 | It's for waiting in the checkout line at CVS | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2114 | Logistical Ribbon of Honor. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2115 | iI that your dance card? Or, a list of who to stop from testifying? | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2116 | I notice you shop at "Armor All", too. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2117 | It's for my Walmart campaign. | 1.1932 | 0.03562 | 88 | 74 | 13 | 1 |
2118 | It's for heading a big ticket procurement. | 1.1932 | 0.04531 | 88 | 72 | 15 | 1 |
2119 | More medals would ruin the drape of the uniform | 1.1932 | 0.04531 | 88 | 72 | 15 | 1 |
2120 | And this one is for ignoring trump's lies. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2121 | It was the siege of CVS. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2122 | Your looking at my chest gives me a chance to look at YOUR chest. | 1.1932 | 0.05326 | 88 | 75 | 9 | 4 |
2123 | I stopped at CVS on the way. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2124 | Great nations need great bookkeepers. | 1.1932 | 0.04531 | 88 | 72 | 15 | 1 |
2125 | I find it is easier than updating myself on FaceBook. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2126 | It's just a running tab, in case this doesn't work out. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2127 | That one's for bravery during Black Friday. | 1.1932 | 0.05566 | 88 | 76 | 7 | 5 |
2128 | Yes, I come from good stock. | 1.1932 | 0.04810 | 88 | 73 | 13 | 2 |
2129 | Yes, in spite of appearances, I'm more popular than you might think, so it will be a long wait before we can Cha Cha Cha. | 1.1932 | 0.05075 | 88 | 74 | 11 | 3 |
2130 | And this is just the cost of the last day in Syria. | 1.1932 | 0.05326 | 88 | 75 | 9 | 4 |
2131 | That one's a Get out of Trouble Free card, courtesy of the Commander-in-Chief. | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2132 | The printout is in case we lose our Twitter feed. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2133 | I'm highly decorated with red flags. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2134 | And right below, that's the current administration's Order of the Rap Sheet | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2135 | I got this one for winning the budget battle with Congress. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2136 | They're approved talking points for civilians...prepare to engage. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2137 | It's my Honor Roll of Congressional Hearings | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2138 | I may exchange it for a purple kidney if I need one. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2139 | It's the Receipt of Honor for buying beers for the base. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2140 | I got it for putting the toilet paper roll on correctly. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2141 | They told me I'd pay a price | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2142 | I survived Black Friday | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2143 | No, that's not my Naval record. It is my best golf score card. I birdied 16 out of 18 holes. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2144 | The heaviest hand to hand combat was Macy's Black Friday. | 1.1860 | 0.03513 | 86 | 73 | 12 | 1 |
2145 | My commendations are still being tabulated. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2146 | It's my shopping list. Drones, tanks, missiles--you know, the cool stuff. | 1.1860 | 0.04221 | 86 | 75 | 8 | 3 |
2147 | It’s the paperwork—name, date, service number and color code. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2148 | That one's for surviving Black Friday. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2149 | I'm saving all the dirt for my upcoming book, "Courage." | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2150 | You could call it my chest enhancement. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2151 | ...and those are for my other duties at Ralph's grocery chain | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2152 | They ran out of ribbons | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2153 | We defended a CVS... | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2154 | I’m in purchasing so the other two copies are at the pentagon. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2155 | You saved 10 billion on invasion and 20 billion on weapons and don't forget your receipt for 10 cents off a gallon of gas. Thank you for shopping the United State of America. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2156 | We stopped at CVS on the way too. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2157 | For my active time at Trader Joes. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2158 | And I was awarded this one for shopping at Costco on the day before Thanksgiving. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2159 | It's a Black Friday shopping receipt - roughest assignment I ever got. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2160 | Yes, indeed, you and all women are equal to men, and it would be my honor to add you to my list. | 1.1860 | 0.04380 | 86 | 73 | 11 | 2 |
2161 | I served five long years as the Chief Accounting Officer. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2162 | This is what happens if we refuse to accept cookies. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2163 | My Ernie Pyles are hurting. | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2164 | Oh, that one's for managing the base Exchange. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2165 | I'm not a Billionaire!" | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2166 | It's the bill for my lunch with the President... | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2167 | It's for the time I shopped, with valor, at CVS. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2168 | The metals are for various foreign military campaigns I was in. The paper is for the list of Trump officials I battled over releasing military aid to Ukraine. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2169 | I’ve always prefer fighting à la carte | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2170 | Unfortunately, it's my wife's Black Friday shopping list reminder. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2171 | Just since I started buying my medals at CVS. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2172 | Hold on, I think I need a new roll. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2173 | It’s for courage at the check-out line. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2174 | I got cashiered but they let me keep the uniform. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2175 | For a CVS receipt, it's not very long. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2176 | A list of groceries to bring home to the Commander-in-Chief | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2177 | 'My citation in Ukrainian with a medal pending' | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2178 | You are a costly waiter! | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2179 | It's the new "digital souvenir" recognition program. No metals, but you can print the receipt. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2180 | It's the Whole Foods Citation of Valor | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2181 | C-ommander, V-ice S-ergeant. How did you guess? | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2182 | It’s the receipt from my last campaign. | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2183 | Are you sure you'll have a job when they bring back all our troops from overseas? | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2184 | It saves having to recite my commendations when people ask. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2185 | It's okay - they've started making them without BPA | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2186 | And that there is the wife's shopping list. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2187 | I refuse to retire until I complete the set. | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2188 | You're reading that correctly. I'm in the public sector of the NCVS. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2189 | That’s for the wine and this conversation. | 1.1860 | 0.04533 | 86 | 71 | 14 | 1 |
2190 | That one's for surviving the horror of black Friday. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2191 | Oh honey, a hero's return never requires a receipt. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2192 | I’m afraid that was after I was cashiered. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2193 | They are the new Banksy medals; they keep a running tab of the cost of operations. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2194 | It's my list of approved titles with which you may address me. | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2195 | Those are all the anti-military executive orders I've survived. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2196 | I’m a veteran of pharmacy wars. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2197 | Yes, I am an ATM | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2198 | I work for CVS now. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2199 | You ain't seen nothing yet--wait 'till I blow the whistle ! | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2200 | I served in Afghanistan, Iraq, and CVS. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2201 | What did you have to do to earn that receipt? | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2202 | Is that the list of times you had to force yourself not to write a tell-all book? | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2203 | It's for my service checking people out at Costco | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2204 | These days you just have to document everything. | 1.1860 | 0.04221 | 86 | 70 | 16 | 0 |
2205 | It's printing a receipt of all the war crimes your donations helped paid for. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2206 | It was in the same aisle as the bone spurs medication. | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2207 | Oh that one is just a receipt from Black Friday. It was quite a battle. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2208 | The President promised to pardon me for my unpaid tab. | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2209 | I earned that one by surviving Black Friday guarding a Big Box Store! | 1.1860 | 0.05363 | 86 | 74 | 8 | 4 |
2210 | It’s for the ‘13 Black Friday op at CVS. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2211 | 2 Ply Decoration earned at the Battle of the Outhouse | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2212 | My is that the check wait no it's Americas war bill | 1.1860 | 0.04826 | 86 | 72 | 12 | 2 |
2213 | They called my battalion the Fighting CVS's. | 1.1860 | 0.05101 | 86 | 73 | 10 | 3 |
2214 | No, it's an actual list of my laundry. | 1.1839 | 0.05047 | 87 | 74 | 10 | 3 |
2215 | I see you were served. How long were you at the front of the lines? | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2216 | I was also captain of my little league team. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2217 | You act like you've never seen a grocery store receipt before? | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2218 | Saves you the trouble of using a bar code reader | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2219 | They make us wear our war crimes now,too. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2220 | Where are the coupons? | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2221 | Let's try this, it's brand new... Hey Google, list the ingredients for a Shanghai Cocktail. | 1.1807 | 0.04419 | 83 | 71 | 10 | 2 |
2222 | You wouldn't believe the paperwork that goes with the perks. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2223 | Valor ain't cheap. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2224 | I am an enlisted man. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2225 | Oh, I got this one at CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2226 | When you said you were being honored by CVS, I thought you were referring to the Company of Veteran Soldiers. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2227 | The future war decorations are on consignment until we can get Google and that Facebook kid back in power." | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2228 | That last one's for the best ever check out at Walmart. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2229 | It's part of the new austerity program. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2230 | That one was for my heroism at a CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2231 | I don't leave home without it. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2232 | I brought the receipts. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2233 | What's the pink one with the little heart? | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2234 | My wife is a 5 star general.... she gave me the list of weapons to procure | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2235 | I served at a CVS for three minutes. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2236 | I thought I would show off your Bloomingdale's receipt! | 1.1807 | 0.04249 | 83 | 68 | 15 | 0 |
2237 | It's for note taking on a telephone call when the doofus sitting next to me was making the call. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2238 | My wife insists I wear my to do list with honor. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2239 | Grrr...now speaking to Number 62. Ten-hut! | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2240 | I don't like to talk about my medals. | 1.1807 | 0.04249 | 83 | 68 | 15 | 0 |
2241 | It’s a readout of my heroic deeds. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2242 | Yes it's my CVS receipt. Your point? | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2243 | And I bought everything on that grocery list for only $38.72. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2244 | It’s the sales receipt from the PX. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2245 | It’s quite an honor roll you’ve got there, General. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2246 | My accountant said I should keep all of my receipts. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2247 | The name is Motors... General Motors. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2248 | Patents pending... | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2249 | Actually, it's my grocery list. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2250 | It's your receipt for the tax you paid for national defense. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2251 | Think the Rooskies have a pocket fax? I think not. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2252 | The DMZ? No, this is from my service in the CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2253 | On the back there are coupons for more medals! | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2254 | I got a taste of real combat during my CVS deployment. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2255 | Honey? Why do you have 25 cans of whipped cream on our shopping list? | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2256 | I received this for bravery at the Battle of CVS | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2257 | Because I was good for goodness' sake. Also, he sees you when you're sleeping. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2258 | We called it Black Friday... I saved my platoon... an awful lot of money. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2259 | I'm programmed to keep my eyes on your face but my hard drive is in the gutter. Whir-r-r-r. Click. | 1.1807 | 0.03888 | 83 | 72 | 9 | 2 |
2260 | And at this point we're ready for a ticker-tape parade. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2261 | It's a new Trump accountability directive for monitoring all military personnel.... | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2262 | Battle of Walmart Friday 2018, We came we saw we got a flat screen | 1.1807 | 0.04249 | 83 | 68 | 15 | 0 |
2263 | I think there is a whistle blower in your pocket. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2264 | That one's for valor at CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2265 | I oversee finger food. That's an order. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2266 | NO, THAT'S MY RECEIPT FROM COSTCO. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2267 | It is General Motors | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2268 | ...my son wears his allergies on a dog tag." | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2269 | That was for my first tour dining with civilians. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2270 | ''I'ts my to do list badge. Not many people get it.'' | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2271 | Oh, that? I got that for saving big bucks on Cyber Monday. | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2272 | So much courage, so much cash. | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2273 | I'm decorated, but at the last minute. | 1.1807 | 0.04249 | 83 | 68 | 15 | 0 |
2274 | Did the president give you that ticket? | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2275 | Yes, I realize it's not like the others. What do you want, a medal? | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2276 | It's for bravery at the PX. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2277 | Er, no, Military conquests | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2278 | It’s a cheat sheet for my deposition. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2279 | That's a special commendation for privatizing the armed forces. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2280 | He wants everyone to know how the stock market is doing. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2281 | That's what I charge for appearing on talk shows and commenting on the US military strategy in the Middle East | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2282 | We all pay for our awards in one way or another. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2283 | Is that instead of a ticker-tape parade? | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2284 | '"Note from your mommy? | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2285 | I got the last one for shopping on Black Friday. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2286 | The long one? It’s for surviving Black Friday shopping at the mall. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2287 | I stopped at CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2288 | That ribbon is for my 'Personal Grudges' . | 1.1807 | 0.04419 | 83 | 71 | 10 | 2 |
2289 | Yes, I shop at CVS, and I'm proud of it | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2290 | ""Modern military security. I'm in constant communication with the Commander-in-Chief, but Tweeted orders can't be overheard." | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2291 | That one was from a battle of CVS in 1982." | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2292 | I have long service as a desk jockey | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2293 | No, that's not my wife's grocery list. Elizabeth Shaw San Francisco, CA | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2294 | My wife says extreme couponing is a better use of my time. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2295 | Grocery list. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2296 | Hmmm, impressive list of wives. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2297 | And I got this for braving the checkout line at Whole Foods. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2298 | My Commander-in-Chief wears his on his shoe. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2299 | Oh I just found this at a thrift store. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2300 | That’s my Shopping List of Honor, take a look. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2301 | Oh, that's the receipt from the PX. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2302 | It's my Rite-Aid receipt. My wife said to return the Viagra. | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2303 | No but I got some great deals on Black Friday and wanted to show those off too. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2304 | I see you served in the CVS division. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2305 | And that one was for the ‘Battle of the 10 Items or Less Line.’ | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2306 | It says "Survived Hillary's disaster in Benghazi" | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2307 | The 3D printer was broken. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2308 | I enlisted. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2309 | "It's a list of the medals I've given to myself." | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2310 | Just the President's grocery list, ma'am. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2311 | Covert op at CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2312 | after 30 days I can be returned for a new one. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2313 | Oh that’s just a gift receipt. I might exchange the tank for a cheeky bottle of single malt. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2314 | CVS or did you come with the receipts? | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2315 | I had to run to CVS before the party. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2316 | ...for my Amazon orders during Black Friday campaign of 2013. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2317 | We lost a lot of good men in the war on poverty. | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2318 | Are you tax deductible? | 1.1807 | 0.04582 | 83 | 69 | 13 | 1 |
2319 | It's a list of disclaimers about the people I served under. | 1.1807 | 0.04892 | 83 | 70 | 11 | 2 |
2320 | That’s for serving in the trade war with China. | 1.1807 | 0.05184 | 83 | 71 | 9 | 3 |
2321 | That one I got for shopping at CVS. | 1.1807 | 0.05460 | 83 | 72 | 7 | 4 |
2322 | You really need to work on cutting the budget. | 1.1786 | 0.04838 | 84 | 71 | 11 | 2 |
2323 | Calories in, red tape out. | 1.1786 | 0.04532 | 84 | 70 | 13 | 1 |
2324 | I'm color-blind. This is how I keep track of which war they came from. | 1.1786 | 0.04838 | 84 | 71 | 11 | 2 |
2325 | There are a lot of disclaimers on the ones from Syria. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2326 | Yes ma’am, it was in recognition of exceptional defense spending on Black Friday. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2327 | And what’s your email address? | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2328 | No, Mam, it is not a Costco receipt! | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2329 | I'm not on LinkedIn. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2330 | Why yes I shop at CVS." | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2331 | That one's from the war on taxes. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2332 | That's for 'valor exceeding the call of a duty at a Publix self-checkout.' | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2333 | Oh I see you are still shopping at CVS, General . | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2334 | I see you were at the General store. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2335 | Got this one in '72 for deploying my first tactical sonnet. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2336 | I need to show this receipt every time I leave the Pentagon | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2337 | I was stationed in Istanbul. It’s the Order of Turkey and Fixin’s. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2338 | And this last one, I was awarded with at a banquet, during my recent trip to the White House . . . | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2339 | Is that the President's "What to say list." ? | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2340 | Yes, I served in the takeover of Whole Foods. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2341 | That's for 16 months in CVS. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2342 | It’s a CVS receipt for the boss’ bone spur pads.” | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2343 | You must head the ticker tape parade | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2344 | Dry cleaning instructions. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2345 | CVS Security | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2346 | A lot of good savings were applied that day. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2347 | Yes I am a robot, yes I am a robot, yes I am a robot, yes I am a robot." | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2348 | It's CVS's highest honor. | 1.1750 | 0.04275 | 80 | 66 | 14 | 0 |
2349 | Oooh, are you a true flag officer? | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2350 | I’m a veteran of two foreign wars and a dozen Black Friday’s. | 1.1750 | 0.04275 | 80 | 66 | 14 | 0 |
2351 | The cost of service, obviously. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2352 | I know the ribbons are for your heroism. Is the list for your demerits? | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2353 | When it finishes printing, we'll get our coup on. | 1.1750 | 0.05562 | 80 | 70 | 6 | 4 |
2354 | The Pentagon always holds highly decorated holiday parties. | 1.1750 | 0.04086 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2355 | No, that's not a ribbon. It's my wife's shopping list. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2356 | It was Black Friday of '08, my squad cleared a CVS parking lot. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2357 | I also moonlight as a cash register. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2358 | I got that one for guarding the last CVS in Kandahar. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2359 | Oh that? That’s the Gene Simmons medal. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2360 | I stand by my indictments. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2361 | No, I'm the Executive chief petty officer. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2362 | Is this the list of all the people you had fucked to get to the general? | 1.1750 | 0.05562 | 80 | 70 | 6 | 4 |
2363 | It's like mattresses, you're really not supposed to remove the tag. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2364 | Due to military cut-backs and the need to generate fees, this is your invoice for our ten minutes of "small talk". | 1.1750 | 0.04275 | 80 | 66 | 14 | 0 |
2365 | Costco | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2366 | Just match the bar to the description. Trust me, it's easier this way... | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2367 | Does that just happen with every military purchase? | 1.1750 | 0.04275 | 80 | 66 | 14 | 0 |
2368 | It keeps up with my drinks before I fly. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2369 | This uniform came with a 30 day return policy | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2370 | My tweet orders require me to get your phone number. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2371 | Epstein didn't kill himself. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2372 | "That's quite a to do list. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2373 | That one's for running the best PX on the east coast. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2374 | It certifies my Chest Salad is organic. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2375 | Nam, Afghanistan, and Black Friday. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2376 | Trump calls it our Duty Brief, but it's just a list of his pardons. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2377 | Yeah, we are working out the bugs from the system we bought from CVS. | 1.1750 | 0.05562 | 80 | 70 | 6 | 4 |
2378 | Is that an itemized receipt for what would you pay for me to stay by your side? | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2379 | And, how was your .. uh .. third tour in Kandahar?" | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2380 | Because I loathe explaining what each one is for, and there's no medal for doing so. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2381 | What do you want, a medal? | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2382 | Damn! More orders. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2383 | Yes, a ticker tape of my accomplishments. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2384 | I stopped at CVS on the way here. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2385 | Impressive order! | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2386 | Please take your receipt. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2387 | The new policy requires we show the receipt. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2388 | The Army owns me. That's their receipt. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2389 | It all started with a trophy for showing up for T-Ball. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2390 | That one was for meritorious service in the self-checkout line. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2391 | It's a detailing of the costs of middle-aged whimsy. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2392 | it appears that you have poor posture meanwhile my posture is impeccable | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2393 | I never know what to do with those CVS receipts | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2394 | It’s my own personal achievements list. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2395 | I was the receipt-ent of the medal of freedom. | 1.1750 | 0.04456 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2396 | It's for best inanimate features. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2397 | It’s hard for me to concentrate without looking at your chest. | 1.1750 | 0.04798 | 80 | 70 | 7 | 3 |
2398 | It's the Agent Orange disclaimer. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2399 | ... and this is the one I got for the Battle of Black Friday. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2400 | I was wounded at CVS. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2401 | Trump International, D.C. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2402 | I served in Banksy. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2403 | In the current operational environment, it's a force multiplier to have the receipts where they can be readily accessed at a moment's notice. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2404 | Each is for a HUGE deal I made. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2405 | Transcribe-o-Matic, Jacket Mounted, Congressional. They're issuing these to everybody bird colonel or above. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2406 | It's a living! | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2407 | I got that one for keeping order in the checkout line. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2408 | Your Robocop! | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2409 | It’s my CVS receipt medal. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2410 | Those are my bonus points from CVS. I’m proud of them. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2411 | New policy, for when the president what’s to exchange us within 30 days | 1.1750 | 0.05562 | 80 | 70 | 6 | 4 |
2412 | Your slip is showing...how much money you saved the Pentagon, said the president. | 1.1750 | 0.05270 | 80 | 69 | 8 | 3 |
2413 | It's my signed affidavit that these aren't deepfakes. | 1.1750 | 0.04960 | 80 | 68 | 10 | 2 |
2414 | Forget about his accomplishments, Look at the size of that bill! | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2415 | It's my done there done that list. | 1.1750 | 0.04630 | 80 | 67 | 12 | 1 |
2416 | It’s a Stenographic of our conversation. Court mandated. | 1.1728 | 0.04903 | 81 | 69 | 10 | 2 |
2417 | As far as we can tell it's Mr Trump's Christmas list. | 1.1707 | 0.04527 | 82 | 69 | 12 | 1 |
2418 | ee stamoslocosoque 2h mate tanto que puedas berarte de todo lo que -yano Chota iow ve aad @spaincharo | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2419 | Service ribbon. Willing-CVS-Receipt-Recipient. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2420 | I'm the new general manager of CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2421 | Lean in a bit and you can read the fine print | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2422 | It's not what it looks like. And besides, it's a private matter. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2423 | No, I’m the Thousand Dollar General. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2424 | Why yes, the weather is tolerable. Um... [glances down] Are you reading any good books lately? | 1.1646 | 0.05818 | 79 | 71 | 3 | 5 |
2425 | Those are only the actual presidential pardons I've received. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2426 | A lot of activity can really jam up the ol' ticker. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2427 | Be careful, it'll self-destruct in five seconds. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2428 | The rest are in my digital data bank | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2429 | Those are coupons I received for foiling a robbery at my local drugstore. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2430 | There's a coupon for the carwash on the back. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2431 | They're for heroic service during Desert Storm, Desert Shield, Aghanistan, and at CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2432 | Stolen valor, eh? I’ve got the receipt. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2433 | Yes. I saved the “receipts” for my badges. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2434 | I got that one at CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2435 | I got this from the CVS wars | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2436 | They ran out of ribbons -- at least I got my current balance. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2437 | So you fanned the flames of the Me Too movement! | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2438 | My son is a military man too. Maybe you know him. His name is James Ryan | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2439 | Yes, madam, I was decorated in the Costco wars | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2440 | It's just the high cost of being in the military, ma'am. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2441 | oh that, it's my wife,the supreme allied commander's grocery list | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2442 | I have a CVS extra care card. It’s no big deal. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2443 | So you bought this wine at CVS? | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2444 | It was a budget decision. Campaign ribbons or drones. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2445 | My wife says the real ones are too stimulating when we dance | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2446 | It lets me know when we are overbudget. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2447 | General, it seems this party is costing you plenty! | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2448 | "I really can't explain it. It sort of started out in basic training. And my drill sergeant said, 'Well, if it works, don't fix it.'" | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2449 | Dear, must you advertise your resume under this Administration? | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2450 | And this one is for being the first person to accept my receipt that day at CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2451 | Most returns and refunds ever handled on a Black Friday. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2452 | you did order the salad | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2453 | I'm a proud user of Amazon Prime at Whole Foods. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2454 | I did my first tour at CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2455 | The army is trying to save on the medals. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2456 | We really overran the budget in that campaign | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2457 | The "Distinguished Personal Service Medal": a list of the kids who bullied me in school and the dates I successfully completed a counteroffensive against each. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2458 | It's the bill for this damned soiree. | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2459 | That one was for the Battle of Walmart, Black Friday 2014 | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2460 | ...and this one is for highest ROI from defense contractors | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2461 | The Purple Heart is from Afghanistan. Those are for the fights with CVS after their data breach. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2462 | I find it hard to keep track of my CVS receipts. | 1.1646 | 0.02503 | 79 | 70 | 8 | 1 |
2463 | Yes, now, of course, it’s impossible to truly calculate the cost of war. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2464 | -- "Is that a Purple Heart in Military Spending?" -- "No, I'm just happy to see you." | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2465 | That's right! And you'd be absolutely amazed by what I can do with it!! | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2466 | Do I look like a Never Trumper? | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2467 | Well if you must know, this was from Colonel Sanders! | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2468 | It's a new rule. I must show my itemized expenses! | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2469 | I’m hanging onto the receipt because I’m not sure I’m an aircraft carrier kind of guy. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2470 | Look lower. Lower... | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2471 | ....as a mercenary I'll accept all major credit cards ...No pun intended | 1.1646 | 0.05818 | 79 | 71 | 3 | 5 |
2472 | Really dirt cheap! Even your favorite hotel would've billed almost treble this..... Cheers! | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2473 | Oh, this? It's a list of all my cocktail party conquests. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2474 | Those battles sure were taxing! | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2475 | If you think that’s long, wait ‘til you see my tongue. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2476 | I served with the CVS Pharmatroopers, ma'am. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2477 | This ribbon honors my service in the Big Box Price Wars. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2478 | It's my wife's grocery list. She staples it on my jacket ever Thursday so I don't forget....... | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2479 | And that one gets me 25% off my next visit to CVS | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2480 | It's a receipt for our arms sales to dictators. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2481 | Very expensive, I’ll have you know. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2482 | Medal of Costco Valor without complaint | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2483 | Well, during my tenure at the Pentagon the markups were not that insane. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2484 | I got that ribbon at the battle of Safeway. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2485 | That one is a Presidential pardon. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2486 | You say you got it at CVS? | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2487 | One Hour Martinizing always puts their receipts there. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2488 | It's the description of every medal on my chest. And no, I can't get it off. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2489 | I was much too busy getting blown apart in combat and stitched together in hospitals to learn very much about woman. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2490 | Did they not have enough space to put all the countries you visited on it? | 1.1646 | 0.04000 | 79 | 68 | 10 | 1 |
2491 | ...and this one’s for cynically goatroaping young Americans starved of opportunity into oppressing and killing their global peers just to prop up the very oligarchs that cause that starvation. and this one? ah yes, this one’s for believing i'm a hero | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2492 | Congratulations. Your winning recipe for rhubarb pie is impressive | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2493 | The paper slip is there to commemorate the charge of the Light Brigade. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2494 | Just year it off and read it later. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2495 | My leg itches. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2496 | It's a receipt for fruit salad. | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2497 | Now that’s a clever way to remember everyone on your holiday gift list” | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2498 | I received this one from my tour in CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2499 | I don’t mind wearing medals I didn’t earn...I just like to show how much they cost. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2500 | I'd rather be stuck in a muddy trench evading enemy fire right now. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2501 | It's for my time in the troll world. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2502 | Actual ribbons cost a buck each. This is cheap and easy to update. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2503 | Please don't forget your receipt, because otherwise we will not take back defective missiles. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2504 | Its my twitter ticker tape- I am obliged to micromanage his impulses while recording his thoughts | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2505 | My, all those women! | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2506 | Oh, that is the grocery list she put in my pocket, I was actually hoping you will be inquiring after the medals. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2507 | Yes, i've been itemized. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2508 | It's the highest award for bravery in expense accounting. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2509 | I brought a list of my attractive qualities for efficiency. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2510 | I'd tell you what they are all for, but then they'd have to kill you. note: I got the last issue late, and I would love to get last week's caption in: "You have quite the inflated alter ego, honey." | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2511 | Wow! That's almost as long as the one I get at the supermarket! | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2512 | Yes ma'am, I spent six months stationed at the local CVS. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2513 | Take a number: if you get them all right, I’ll buy you another drink. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2514 | I was in the front lines at the battle that is Black Friday and managed to save a bundle. | 1.1646 | 0.05231 | 79 | 69 | 7 | 3 |
2515 | That’s for my excursions into CVS Headquarters! | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2516 | A good place to keep my CVS coupons | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2517 | This medal is for binge shopping in Syria while the store was being bombed by Isis . | 1.1646 | 0.05532 | 79 | 70 | 5 | 4 |
2518 | Refer to the index to satisfy any curiosity you may have about my hardware. | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2519 | That's for the logistics exchange tour I did at Amazon.. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2520 | err,... They ran out of buttons... Also my arm came off... | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2521 | Can you believe just one tour" | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2522 | And that’s why I think CVS is in bed with the Industrial Paper Complex! | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2523 | I wasn't part of the events listed here-- but was first to react on social media | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2524 | This is how much it cost to get decorated. | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2525 | I'm decorated and then some. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2526 | Ah, so I see you got your jacket at CVS! | 1.1646 | 0.04198 | 79 | 66 | 13 | 0 |
2527 | It comes in handy in the self checkout line at the Officer's Mess... | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2528 | That's my receipt showing that I braved the crowds at Costco on Black Friday. | 1.1646 | 0.04911 | 79 | 68 | 9 | 2 |
2529 | The mission's full name was 'Consumer Very Stupid.' | 1.1646 | 0.04568 | 79 | 67 | 11 | 1 |
2530 | I’ve always stayed grounded by listing my undone chores with my military decorations. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2531 | i got this one for shopping till i dropped | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2532 | Its only awarded to survivors of Black Friday. | 1.1625 | 0.05467 | 80 | 71 | 5 | 4 |
2533 | That's for bravery under confusing discounts on Black Friday, 2016. | 1.1625 | 0.04151 | 80 | 67 | 13 | 0 |
2534 | A list of my war crimes. They're all the rage. | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2535 | Thanks for noticing. Yes, this is my CVS receipt, which I've added just below my military insignia. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2536 | What's to show for 40 years in the military? A place to pin Zelda's shopping list for a late night grocery run. | 1.1625 | 0.05169 | 80 | 70 | 7 | 3 |
2537 | It’s our “to-do” list. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2538 | Yes, I see a list of political favors in exchange for hundreds of millions in foreign military aid. No quid pro quo. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2539 | Honestly, I can’t stand people who think they’ve saved money at CVS. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2540 | That one? It's for running the CVS outlet in the PX on the Korean DMZ. | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2541 | I never knew anyone who was decorated for surviving Black Friday ... | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2542 | It's the laundry list of honors. | 1.1625 | 0.04151 | 80 | 67 | 13 | 0 |
2543 | It's called the Third Amendment citation, for quartering troops at Trump-owned properties. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2544 | You don't have to read the fine print, the medals show just how great I am. | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2545 | I've been cashiered from the service. | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2546 | Oh wait! Do they still charge you after all those badges | 1.1625 | 0.04151 | 80 | 67 | 13 | 0 |
2547 | What's that receipt for? | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2548 | My first tour of duty was as a CVS checker. | 1.1625 | 0.04516 | 80 | 68 | 11 | 1 |
2549 | My greatest battle was the Missus to-do list. | 1.1625 | 0.05169 | 80 | 70 | 7 | 3 |
2550 | No, all these badges are not fake news!" | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2551 | It's for Shopper of the Year at CVS! | 1.1625 | 0.04853 | 80 | 69 | 9 | 2 |
2552 | I see you've been cashiered. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2553 | No, not USCG -it’s USCVS... | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2554 | Oh, that reminds me that I have a prescription to pick up at CVS | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2555 | If my commission is revoked, the president can print another one. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2556 | We lost a lot of good men at the Battle of CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2557 | Those all of the drinks you bought for other girls?! | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2558 | Yes, the discounts are already applied. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2559 | Aren't you going to the thank me for my service charge? | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2560 | I don't care if you have a receipt, we can't accept returns on used warheads. | 1.1600 | 0.05708 | 75 | 67 | 4 | 4 |
2561 | ``On the way home from Afghanistan I stopped at CVS.'' | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2562 | You do pretty well when CVS is on your side. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2563 | This is my ribbon for valor after shopping on “Black Friday.” | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2564 | I tried magnets for a time, but I have to wear these anyway. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2565 | We had to contract out military decorations to CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2566 | You guys are only doing non-dairy? | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2567 | I got that one for defending a CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2568 | And right under the service ribbons is my CVS receipt. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2569 | Any extra bucks. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2570 | It's a honey do list. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2571 | I earned it by shopping at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2572 | Yes, from the battle at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2573 | That one is my CVS Loyalty Award. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2574 | So you’re the one responsible for the deficit. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2575 | Don’t worry. I’m sure Trump will pardon your faux pas. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2576 | Haven't you heard of Venmo!? | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2577 | I got that one shopping at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2578 | Please, You must tell me more about that charge! | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2579 | It's the only way I could take control of the budget. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2580 | It looks like you have some CVS ExtraBucks that are about to expire! | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2581 | Sgt Major,CVS | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2582 | We’re now affiliated with CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2583 | I got the bottom one at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2584 | And this one here's my 'Typewriter Ribbon'. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2585 | I'm most proud of keeping track of my wife's grocery list! | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2586 | As in "GENERAL" manager of a CVS? | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2587 | He decided ticker-tape parades are 'too messy.'" | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2588 | That's my honey-do list. War is hell. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2589 | It’s my CVS receipt | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2590 | I needed a place for my CVS receipts. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2591 | I'm protesting the tax on shipping and handling. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2592 | After I retired from the Army I was Head of Security for CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2593 | Distinguished Service at CVS | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2594 | War ain't easy. We lost a lot of good men at the Battle of CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2595 | It's for expenditures on the field of battle. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2596 | I got this medal for shopping at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2597 | Hmm,I think the CVS medal is the most impressive... | 1.1600 | 0.05708 | 75 | 67 | 4 | 4 |
2598 | That's for buying baby aspirin at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2599 | And they offered you the dry cleaning as well! | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2600 | It is my medal of door busters. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2601 | I got these medals at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2602 | Bragging about your Walmart purchases isn't going to get you laid. | 1.1600 | 0.03816 | 75 | 67 | 6 | 2 |
2603 | I earned that one at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2604 | It's a list of all the different times I tried to get into the army. | 1.1600 | 0.04468 | 75 | 66 | 7 | 2 |
2605 | Most army robots look like big ugly metal horses, but you're a real hottie General. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2606 | And that's how I defeated the Self-Checkout at Walmart. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2607 | It's my rolling bar bill ! | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2608 | It prints out the conversations I have with politicians. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2609 | Did you know that I served in the CVS checkout battalion? | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2610 | I got that one for liberating a CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2611 | I fought at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2612 | ...And I got that one in the Battle of Best Buy. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2613 | So what if they got the medals from CVS? That doesn't diminish their value! | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2614 | Yes, I started at CVS | 1.1600 | 0.05708 | 75 | 67 | 4 | 4 |
2615 | It looks like you paid price for the cantaloupe. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2616 | Walgreen Beret | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2617 | The General gave me a list of things to pick up on the way back to the base. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2618 | And this one is for working at CVS" | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2619 | That’s just the shopping list my wife pinned on me. | 1.1600 | 0.05708 | 75 | 67 | 4 | 4 |
2620 | This are the latest bids for my post-retirement lobbying services. I’ll have lot’ of play money! | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2621 | Honey, that's what happens when you offer drinks to Navy men. | 1.1600 | 0.05708 | 75 | 67 | 4 | 4 |
2622 | It's like a naughty or nice list, but with demerits. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2623 | No. I can’t explain the cost. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2624 | I spent 8 years in Guam and only $14 Billion in Iraq. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2625 | ...thats right. CVS, Colossal Valor & Strength. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2626 | My official title is SHOPPER GENERAL. And yes, I have experience in all aisle | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2627 | Put your CVS receipt away. No one cares. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2628 | I got that last one from CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2629 | Insert another dollar and get ten more jokes. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2630 | That one's a Distinguished Public Service Medal and Bar Tab | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2631 | Not a compete list but the JAG says these are acceptable flirts. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2632 | I'll give you my tag to draw attention to your breasts. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2633 | When did you serve at CVS? | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2634 | Is that last one “Valor for Shopping at CVS”? | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2635 | The Bush years were very good for me. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2636 | All of my drinks are on the G.I. bill. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2637 | Says here you have a coupon for 1 dollar off military products at CVS | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2638 | That one's for Distinguished Service in CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2639 | Yes, that last one was earned at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2640 | As you can see, I can account for the most extravagant expenditures within the defense budget. | 1.1600 | 0.04262 | 75 | 63 | 12 | 0 |
2641 | You've been to CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2642 | It’s my CVS Medal for Civility, Valor, and Service. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2643 | Please do NOT tell anyone I was a DEADHEAD in those tumultuous Sixties. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2644 | Aw, shucks, it's just an award hardly worth the thermal paper its printed on. | 1.1600 | 0.04665 | 75 | 64 | 10 | 1 |
2645 | I'm on the board of CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2646 | They're the I.O.U.'s. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2647 | How would you like to pay your receipt! | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2648 | CVS? | 1.1600 | 0.04045 | 75 | 65 | 9 | 1 |
2649 | That from the battle of the CVS receipt. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2650 | I was honored by CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2651 | I have to get used to retirement first. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2652 | ....if Iran does not comply, we may have a military conflict on our hands. | 1.1600 | 0.04045 | 75 | 65 | 9 | 1 |
2653 | She outranks me. | 1.1600 | 0.05037 | 75 | 65 | 8 | 2 |
2654 | That's for my rewards points at CVS. | 1.1600 | 0.05383 | 75 | 66 | 6 | 3 |
2655 | It's my wife's honey do list. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2656 | I didn’t email. I fax tit. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2657 | My wife presented it; she calls it “The Order of The Purple Shopping List.” | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2658 | It's the receipt from the dry cleaners. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2659 | It's a printout of all the time I've wasted at these ridiculous parties. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2660 | Thank you for thanking me for my service. Here’s a receipt. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2661 | My darn ticker tape is acting up again. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2662 | It's called transparency in military spending. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2663 | Oh, I see you're an accountant! | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2664 | Did you get ExtraBucks with that? | 1.1528 | 0.05821 | 72 | 65 | 3 | 4 |
2665 | My successful skirmishes. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2666 | I've got a coupon for that. | 1.1528 | 0.04270 | 72 | 61 | 11 | 0 |
2667 | And this printout is last year's nuclear codes. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2668 | It’s for passing an accounting class . | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2669 | Ignore the fine print. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2670 | Yes, I worked hard to earn this position through these extensive campaign contributions | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2671 | It's my receipt...Did you think I actually earned these! | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2672 | Which of these war stories would you like me to talk about? | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2673 | It's from the Battle of CVS in the War on Drugs. | 1.1528 | 0.05821 | 72 | 65 | 3 | 4 |
2674 | No, it's for a battleship. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2675 | Contributions to my GoFundMe page just in case my attorney is not acquainted with or related to people with prestige or influence. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2676 | ... and those are my war crimes the President has defended on Twitter. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2677 | Your register tape says the Bronze Star is $5.99, but the label on the shelf said it's on sale for $3.49. I'd go to customer service to get a refund of the difference if I were you. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2678 | Costco closes at 6 today | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2679 | We wear it on our chests these days. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2680 | So your second Purple Heart was 20% off? | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2681 | You were awarded the congressional medal of accounting | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2682 | It's a quick synopsis of my life. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2683 | It's from my ticker tape parade. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2684 | That one’s for my tour of duty shopping with my wife at our discount warehouse club. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2685 | Well let’s see, there’s the Medal of Honor, the Distinguished Service Medal, and using coupons I saved $11.50 on groceries this week. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2686 | I've been a good boy this year. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2687 | Read the transcript. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2688 | It's true: I reenlisted. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2689 | Oh! It's a medal for surviving my wife's 2018 holiday shopping list. | 1.1528 | 0.04270 | 72 | 61 | 11 | 0 |
2690 | No m'am, it's not a receipt from Bergdorf Goodman, it's an etcetera from the top guys. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2691 | And that one’s for bravery in a CVS greeting card aisle on Valentine’s Day. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2692 | Your grocery list ? | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2693 | If I didn’t know better, I would have thought it was a shopping list. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2694 | Veterans Day Sale, 1993. No scented candle was left behind. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2695 | We lost a lot of good hammers in that audit. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2696 | And that one's for employee of the month. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2697 | The Quartermaster General demands receipts for the $3000 screwdrivers. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2698 | The battle zones do differ, but the awards are the same. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2699 | Too much red tape if you ask me. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2700 | Would you like to come upstairs and read my medals? I've got a magnifying bed. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2701 | It gives you my polling numbers in the swing states. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2702 | It's designed to be endless, of course. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2703 | Select a year and it prints a list of honors, awards, promotions etc., etc. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2704 | You can add 20% for gratuity. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2705 | Yes! They are citations for tweets. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2706 | Its your Bar Bill... | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2707 | It's for valor and bravery in a CVS Pharmacy. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2708 | Care to submit the survey? | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2709 | Petraeus's mooching off me again. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2710 | What you're ;looking at is the receipt for getting my face set into a permanent General's scowl. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2711 | Yes, I do shop at CVS. Why do you ask? | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2712 | The PTSD treatment has a very high co-pay | 1.1528 | 0.04270 | 72 | 61 | 11 | 0 |
2713 | They're my talking points from the White House. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2714 | Is that the new portable printer just released by Lapel Print inc. ? | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2715 | ... for the Battle of Black Friday” | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2716 | No tip mecessary. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2717 | In this administration, I am what's known as an acting Secretary of Defense. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2718 | Ohh a bargain | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2719 | Yes this is the list of all they have been fired. I Can’t keep up. | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2720 | It’s from the Great Battle of CVS Pharmacy | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2721 | Not even stripes come free these days! | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2722 | Have you always been in charge?” | 1.1528 | 0.05104 | 72 | 63 | 7 | 2 |
2723 | It's the President's shopping list for the War in Iraq | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2724 | It's the ribbon of human cost. | 1.1528 | 0.05474 | 72 | 64 | 5 | 3 |
2725 | Wait. I didn't order that. | 1.1528 | 0.04706 | 72 | 62 | 9 | 1 |
2726 | That one's for saving sixty percent at Kohl's. |