Contest #684


Cartoon

684

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Publicly, we’re still saying there are no side effects.”
  2. “Good, Human Resources is here.”
  3. “So the board still has no women?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-11-04T01:27:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-11-18T01:30:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-11-12T01:29:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued November 18, 2019
Number of captions 5664
Number of responses 1094055
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects. 2.3414 0.00632 14383 2526 4427 7428
1 You all remember Phil — we used to hang out under his bed. 2.1126 0.00654 14471 3766 5311 5393
2 This is a good point to stop the meeting; I see that lunch has arrived. 2.0376 0.00701 13251 4074 4601 4573
3 Suddenly, Jeff realized he should have posted his resume on other sites besides monster.com 2.0303 0.00729 12314 3861 4225 4227
4 Dr. Smith here will explain what went wrong with the clinical trial. 2.0102 0.00692 12387 3626 5016 3745
5 Do we need to discuss diversity, or are we good? 1.9636 0.00694 12785 4173 4903 3708
6 Welcome Bob to the team. He'll be with us until about lunchtime. 1.9484 0.03033 697 242 249 206
7 Good, Human Resources is here. 1.9468 0.00729 12150 4275 4251 3623
8 Apparently we’re the only people willing to work in the White House during Trump’s second term. 1.9335 0.00759 12225 4753 3538 3934
9 He’s an attorney. Of course he’s cold-blooded. 1.9308 0.00768 11106 4048 3782 3276
10 He brings a fresh perspective, and frankly, we need his opposable thumbs. 1.9260 0.00862 8383 2941 3121 2321
11 Love your Halloween costume, Ed. Creepy. Take a seat. 1.8865 0.01046 5744 2169 2058 1517
12 Let’s open with the pronouns each of us feel comfortable with 1.8863 0.01231 4452 1782 1394 1276
13 Everyone I would like you to meet Andy, our diversity hire. 1.8779 0.00768 10311 3847 3878 2585
14 Mr. Morris is here to discuss why there's a problem with the facial identification software." 1.8630 0.01491 2642 981 1042 619
15 I know you're skeptical, but he claims he can cure our reptile dysfunction. 1.8573 0.01182 4865 2049 1461 1355
16 Didn't we order Chinese? 1.8435 0.00869 9044 3917 2630 2497
17 Don't you guys remember Timmy? We all used to hide under his bed. 1.8347 0.00911 7181 2842 2688 1650
18 The ambassador from earth says they will not try to colonize Mars if we provide dirt on Joe Biden. 1.8335 0.00880 8608 3711 2622 2275
19 Now let's not make the same mistake we did last week. This is our waiter. He's not our lunch, he gets our lunch 1.8263 0.01233 3938 1579 1464 895
20 Obviously, half of you received a placebo. 1.8254 0.00990 6694 2882 2099 1713
21 So the board still has no women? 1.8187 0.00910 7698 3285 2525 1887
22 Take it easy now. We all looked like that on our first day. 1.8177 0.00952 6539 2658 2421 1460
23 You know what they say, if you aren’t at the table, you’re on the menu. 1.8158 0.01430 3035 1273 1048 714
24 He was a rescue. 1.8039 0.00961 6625 2807 2312 1506
25 Mr. Reilly will serve as the face of our Company. 1.8015 0.00829 8412 3440 3204 1767
26 Now today team, Zogg has brought along his emotional support human. 1.7925 0.00984 6322 2725 2184 1413
27 All those in favor, raise something. 1.7866 0.01033 5788 2538 1947 1303
28 Looks like someone forgot that it was casual Friday. 1.7861 0.00918 6899 2910 2558 1431
29 He may not look scary, but his kind is responsible for the destruction of a whole planet. 1.7835 0.01389 3284 1473 1049 762
30 I'd like to introduce one of our human resources 1.7785 0.00811 8573 3583 3308 1682
31 So it's agreed, the bathrooms will be species neutral. 1.7623 0.01000 5666 2440 2134 1092
32 So that’s six votes in favor of promoting Tim to partner and one vote in favor of eating him. 1.7442 0.01204 3979 1786 1425 768
33 They all do look alike, don't they. 1.7419 0.01273 3514 1579 1266 669
34 The Phase 2 antidote has failed 1.7389 0.01148 5052 2519 1334 1198
35 He may not look like a monster at first glance, but this is the pharmaceutical rep I’ve been telling you about. 1.7343 0.01085 5020 2339 1681 1000
36 Before we get started I believe we should address the Human in the room. 1.7329 0.01236 3759 1715 1333 711
37 Having exhausted the lobbyist pool, the Trump administration had to recruit from farther outside the swamp 1.7173 0.01265 4058 2053 1099 906
38 I say let's be patient. After the next election, we could once again be somebody's worst nightmare. 1.7143 0.01726 2065 1014 627 424
39 Tom's a shapeshifter and a blood drinker. Or as the humans call him, a consultant. 1.7115 0.01607 2295 1106 745 444
40 Hope you're well-prepared, Chris. Because if you're not, this board will eat you alive. 1.7041 0.01529 2508 1216 818 474
41 Ok Jared, Ivanka, Mitch, Mike, Rudy, Time to put the suits back on 1.6930 0.01759 2101 1104 538 459
42 Well, I see lunch has arrived. 1.6923 0.01910 1550 750 527 273
43 Our ethos is ‘diversity without judgment’. 1.6901 0.01084 5082 2551 1553 976
44 Welcome to the swamp ! 1.6890 0.02203 1209 601 383 225
45 The core of our public relations problem is that the people see us as a bunch of corporate monsters. 1.6885 0.01375 3053 1507 991 555
46 Did you hear that? He wants to know what we want for lunch. 1.6822 0.01198 3927 1946 1288 692
47 Today's guest speaker is a white, middle-aged, male to talk to us about diversity in the workplace." 1.6809 0.01560 2451 1251 733 467
48 All in favor of having Stan for lunch? 1.6786 0.01065 5021 2501 1635 885
49 I would like to start by asking if anyone has dietary constraints. 1.6694 0.01833 1558 750 573 235
50 How 'bout we start by introducing ourselves and sharing our preferred pronouns? 1.6693 0.01208 3970 2026 1232 711
51 Sooooo, whose imaginary friend is this little guy? 1.6691 0.01754 1777 877 611 289
52 Hey everybody, this is my cousin Gary. He came out this year as human. 1.6679 0.01702 1912 952 643 317
53 I know its pandering, but this is how we win Iowa and New Hampshire. 1.6649 0.02224 1140 576 370 194
54 This is Jerry. He's not as scary as he looks. 1.6563 0.01095 4457 2224 1543 690
55 He's not a monster, he's our lawyer. 1.6560 0.01448 2686 1377 856 453
56 It's agreed. No one has to live under Trump's bed. It's just too scary. 1.6405 0.02226 1238 682 319 237
57 this is Bob, ostensibly the top of the food chain. 1.6351 0.02453 866 441 300 125
58 Say hello to the Homo sapien, he's joining us as the newest member of the Endangered Species Club." 1.6297 0.01965 1407 739 450 218
59 That's an ugly word. I'd rather we refer to Larry as 'undocumented.' 1.6297 0.02087 1226 647 393 186
60 Trust me, he's one of us. He convinced millions of parents not to vaccinate their kids! 1.6295 0.01958 1487 801 436 250
61 Meet Compassionate White Male. Another mythical creature. 1.6224 0.02250 1115 612 315 188
62 This is what we all looked like before climate change. 1.6201 0.01466 2677 1471 752 454
63 We love you as an agent Jimmy, but we haven't had work since the bar scene in Star Wars! 1.6144 0.01891 1551 844 461 246
64 ...and HR informs me he prefers "human" to '"fleshbag". 1.6112 0.01634 2032 1102 619 311
65 According to Ancestry.com. this is our dad 1.6100 0.01977 1436 792 412 232
66 Alright, girls. Who ordered the stripper? 1.6037 0.01834 1721 976 452 293
67 Okay team, I know WE'RE usually the monsters, but today we have a special guest - an executive from the ExxonMobil corporation! 1.5977 0.01859 1633 921 448 264
68 Ted's not a monster, but he is a lawyer, so there's that. 1.5920 0.01518 2245 1228 707 310
69 And now please welcome the scariest monster of them all, a Republican US Senator! 1.5893 0.02214 1220 722 279 219
70 Good work all. Ah, lunch has arrived! 1.5876 0.01429 2585 1435 781 369
71 Great costume, Elliott! 1.5848 0.01492 2283 1250 729 303
72 Like Andrew from H.R. said, "Our human co-workers are not snacks. I'm looking at you, Dots." 1.5810 0.01869 1451 799 461 191
73 And, for our next visit to earth we've made an improved meat puppet to replace our last probe that somehow got elected President of the most powerful nation. 1.5701 0.02256 1112 656 278 178
74 I see no reason to move our company out of Chernobyl. 1.5694 0.02398 894 505 269 120
75 This is Larry. His species has figured a way to destroy a planet AND turn a profit! 1.5671 0.02089 1252 730 334 188
76 Wow, these DNA ancestry sites sure do make for interesting family reunions! 1.5637 0.02759 651 365 205 81
77 Well it looks like one of us didn’t ’drink the Kool-Aid’ 1.5535 0.03051 551 319 159 73
78 Our lunch has arrived. 1.5518 0.01858 1515 901 400 213
79 It's even uglier when it sheds. 1.5505 0.02889 634 374 171 89
80 Can we talk about the elephant in the room? 1.5487 0.01917 1416 832 391 193
81 He looks harmless. I say we let them in. What could go wrong? 1.5486 0.02163 1121 661 305 155
82 We brought in Henry for an outsider’s perspective. He is also lunch. 1.5453 0.01890 1469 871 395 203
83 Oh my god... Lucas? From on top of the bed? 1.5432 0.02073 1250 754 314 182
84 He wants to talk to us about reflooding the swamp. 1.5414 0.02529 737 420 235 82
85 We all remember our first day on Capitol Hill. 1.5403 0.02655 720 424 203 93
86 In light of recent events, Bob will now be the face of the company. 1.5369 0.02815 609 353 185 71
87 An alien walks into a meeting. 1.5357 0.02027 1191 695 352 143
88 If we're all here, who is under Tommy's bed? 1.5354 0.02412 876 521 241 114
89 I don't need to tell you that we halted the clinical trial early. 1.5336 0.02329 907 533 264 110
90 There used to be more of these before the climate changed. 1.5325 0.02169 1046 616 303 127
91 So I’ve hired Bill as our new PR person to put a more “human face” on the company. 1.5323 0.02086 1144 677 325 142
92 We found him under our kid's bed. Explains the nightmares. 1.5321 0.02447 857 514 230 113
93 Doesn't Dave look delicious in his new suit? 1.5312 0.02915 576 339 168 69
94 Don’t worry, nobody’s draining anything. The swamp is a very important part of our base. 1.5296 0.02355 946 575 241 130
95 We’ll adjourn. Lunch has arrived. 1.5288 0.02076 1127 664 330 133
96 We all looked like you when we started here. 1.5271 0.02192 1013 599 294 120
97 We were just discussing the evolution of the company. 1.5267 0.02158 1029 605 306 118
98 Dave, we know it's your first day, but we do have a dress code. 1.5266 0.02821 545 308 187 50
99 Striped tie? You're always pushing the envelope, Dan. 1.5260 0.02552 749 444 216 89
100 He’s not easy on the eyes, but Ted’s a monster salesman. 1.5247 0.02083 1071 624 332 115
101 Ok, everyone meet Bob. Apparently we all used to live under his bed.” 1.5224 0.02214 1005 602 281 122
102 Of course we have a board room. We're monsters, not animals. 1.5198 0.02857 581 344 172 65
103 So, any other side effects to our new erectile dysfunction drug? 1.5190 0.02418 919 574 213 132
104 We've hired Mr. Bettelheim, here, as a consultant to address our 'brand' problem here at Seuss, Sendak and Rowling. 1.5185 0.02277 974 598 249 127
105 And some, we assume, are good people. 1.5184 0.02431 814 486 234 94
106 Larry's new, but he'll evolve. 1.5175 0.02877 543 316 173 54
107 I’d like you all to say hello to Bob, our new Director of Diversity. 1.5168 0.02200 1014 612 280 122
108 We can't be any scarier than the last administration. 1.5150 0.02510 769 463 216 90
109 This is Bob from Earth, he's our insider on the hostile takeover. 1.5142 0.02272 916 547 267 102
110 Let me introduce our new Diversity Officer. 1.5131 0.02187 953 570 284 99
111 That makes 4 votes to let Bob lead today’s diversity training session and 3 votes to eat him. 1.5123 0.02275 937 567 260 110
112 Shall we talk about the elephant in the room? 1.5113 0.02487 798 487 214 97
113 Everyone good with splitting the waiter? 1.5107 0.02418 840 512 227 101
114 I've called you all in to this focus group to discuss the Human Race. Are they worth saving? Bob, your thoughts? 1.5106 0.02932 564 342 156 66
115 Very scary John. You almost look human. 1.5101 0.02281 894 534 264 96
116 It's the job of this committee to determine what's funny, and we don't care how long you've been submitting captions. 1.5091 0.03061 548 341 135 72
117 Lunch is here. Who ordered accountant? 1.5091 0.02418 882 550 215 117
118 Why are we having all these people from shithole places coming here? 1.5086 0.03265 525 339 105 81
119 And Ted will be helping us improve our people skills! 1.5064 0.03317 391 230 125 36
120 I thought you ordered Chinese. 1.5060 0.02478 834 521 204 109
121 We've listened to your excuse "I'm only human" for the last time! 1.5050 0.03540 400 248 102 50
122 So we're going with "Side effects include fatigue, nausea and transfiguration into alien form." 1.5035 0.02653 717 447 179 91
123 Some side effects are always possible when you begin a new medication 1.5033 0.02484 763 463 216 84
124 And that’s when Frank realized he brought the wrong brownies for lunch. 1.5029 0.02476 865 551 193 121
125 I think we've filled our diversity quota. 1.5028 0.02323 881 537 245 99
126 He’s not our usual kind of slimy, but he did work on Wall Street. 1.5018 0.02966 558 345 146 67
127 And now a word from the man who brought us genetic engineering 1.5000 0.02659 668 408 186 74
128 This is Bob. He saw our listing on Monster.com. 1.4993 0.02620 721 450 181 88
129 “He’s from a small planet on a distant galaxy and he wants us to help his dad ‘get something’ on somebody named Joe Biden.” 1.4984 0.02910 630 405 136 89
130 I see lunch has arrived 1.4982 0.02415 833 516 219 98
131 Nice costume, Frank. 1.4961 0.02481 770 474 210 86
132 I know you wanted Mexican or Chinese, but American isn't that bad. 1.4954 0.02502 767 475 204 88
133 Mr. Darwin, I believe, has a few questions. 1.4950 0.03073 499 307 137 55
134 This is the monster I was telling you about. 1.4948 0.02448 762 469 213 80
135 This is Gary, he's our appetizer... 1.4944 0.02536 801 511 184 106
136 Excellent, lunch is here. 1.4935 0.02490 772 479 205 88
137 It appears the fence was not all that effective 1.4935 0.02968 535 330 146 59
138 As you can see, lunch has arrived. 1.4934 0.02594 752 477 179 96
139 He said that he wanted to work where his 'white, male privilege' wasn't an issue. 1.4931 0.02723 655 409 169 77
140 Everyone, meet Bob. We've brought him 60 million light years from his home planet to teach us PowerPoint. 1.4912 0.03564 399 254 94 51
141 Don't believe what you see- it's a fake vision. 1.4910 0.02816 725 489 117 119
142 Who’s this weirdo!! 1.4903 0.03320 463 296 107 60
143 ...I’m kidding, he’s here to audit us 1.4903 0.02602 667 407 193 67
144 Our guest will read excepts from his new book "Where the Mild things Are." 1.4890 0.02662 681 427 175 79
145 Let's all welcome Ted to the Extinct Species Group! 1.4877 0.02636 693 435 178 80
146 Mr. Darwin would like to ask a few questions 1.4862 0.02599 689 428 187 74
147 The question is, can he adapt? 1.4859 0.02904 533 327 153 53
148 This meeting of the Chernobyl Alumni Association will now come to order. 1.4853 0.02704 647 405 170 72
149 Here's the human I was telling you about -- he survived climate change because he was on a mission to Mars. 1.4852 0.03028 472 286 143 43
150 Sorry Ted, you want the third floor. This is Inhuman Resources. 1.4850 0.02667 668 423 168 77
151 If you're not at the table, you're on the menu. 1.4850 0.02526 734 458 196 80
152 Don't worry, President Trump is not really draining the swamp. 1.4850 0.02673 699 447 165 87
153 We are going to take a break now because, as you can see, lunch just arrived. 1.4845 0.02540 708 438 197 73
154 This is Glenn, from auditing. He has scared far more people than all you monsters combined. 1.4835 0.02696 699 451 158 90
155 Remember, talk slowly and keep it simple. 1.4804 0.02601 664 411 187 66
156 Before we adjourn forever, let’s thank Jeff for dreaming us. 1.4794 0.03092 486 305 129 52
157 Mr. Darwin will be helping us with the selection process. 1.4787 0.02618 658 409 183 66
158 Thank you, Bob. Mansplaining is new to us, but I guess we'll get used to it. 1.4778 0.02951 496 304 147 45
159 Don’t bring your white male privilege in here Brad . 1.4765 0.03242 426 265 119 42
160 If it’s Sunday, it’s eat the press! 1.4764 0.03032 508 321 132 55
161 Looks like lunch is here.... 1.4759 0.02697 643 407 166 70
162 You're a token, get used to it. 1.4755 0.02769 612 388 157 67
163 Greg enjoyed morning briefings more when he was high as a kite. 1.4754 0.02833 610 393 144 73
164 Welcome to the Forum of American Monsters. President Trump will be joining us shortly. 1.4751 0.03219 482 313 109 60
165 He's the new affirmative action hire. 1.4750 0.03674 320 197 94 29
166 It's unanimous, then We will deny that our E.D. medicine causes any side effects! 1.4748 0.02889 575 368 141 66
167 Good news everyone! The Far Side is coming back and full employment won't be far behind 1.4748 0.02878 575 367 143 65
168 We're helping the President build a different kind of swamp. 1.4745 0.02790 628 405 148 75
169 Bill is a special emissary from Washington D.C. He wants to know if we have have any dirt on the Bidens. 1.4720 0.02973 553 358 129 66
170 On advice of counsel, I will not be hiding under Timmy's bed this evening. 1.4716 0.02994 564 370 122 72
171 Since it's Chuck's nightmare, I say we let him chair. 1.4714 0.02713 611 384 166 61
172 I've been told we've been lacking the "human touch." 1.4711 0.02752 605 383 159 63
173 That’s the best Jared Kushner costume I’ve seen this season, Yarog. 1.4703 0.02846 572 364 147 61
174 I'd like to introduce a young up-and-comer to the group. This is Jared. 1.4692 0.03331 439 285 102 52
175 OK, be honest, who wet their pants when they first saw him? 1.4681 0.03549 376 242 92 42
176 If you don't have a seat at the table,you're on the menu. 1.4678 0.02830 605 393 141 71
177 Do we hire it or eat it. Let's vote. 1.4677 0.02778 588 373 155 60
178 I've brought in a human to speak to us about the new meat alternative." 1.4672 0.03152 458 291 120 47
179 We hired him on Monster.com. 1.4670 0.02875 546 346 145 55
180 On earth they call this "affirmative action" . 1.4668 0.02890 557 357 140 60
181 Yes, the job's a nightmare, but we offer free dental. 1.4664 0.02999 521 335 129 57
182 Congrats on the scariest Halloween costume yet: a Republican 1.4652 0.02965 589 394 116 79
183 Wayne is here to discuss diversity and tolerance. Don't eat this one. 1.4649 0.02786 570 360 155 55
184 Our new hire's from Earth. But keep him off the books: He's a undocumented alien. 1.4640 0.02848 556 354 146 56
185 I know what you’re thinking, but Pete is an absolute beast when it comes to spreadsheets. 1.4640 0.03453 375 238 100 37
186 First, the good news. The experiment was a success! That’s also the bad news. 1.4626 0.03093 441 275 128 38
187 Oh good, the exotic dancer is here! 1.4625 0.02999 506 324 130 52
188 Everybody o.k. with Italian? 1.4623 0.02900 530 337 141 52
189 I know what you all must be thinking. He hasn't lost his humanity yet. 1.4621 0.03243 422 268 113 41
190 Gary is going to help with our expansion into the vital attic and closet markets. 1.4620 0.02931 552 359 131 62
191 This cabinet was vetted by the White House. 1.4606 0.03460 406 267 91 48
192 I'd like to introduce Larry, the monster on top of the bed. 1.4595 0.03006 555 370 115 70
193 His name is Steven Spielberg, and he says he can make us all rich and famous 1.4593 0.03196 455 295 111 49
194 Help yourself to the mushrooms. Then join us. 1.4591 0.03006 501 322 128 51
195 Who ordered take-out? 1.4579 0.03041 522 344 117 61
196 We're hoping he's going to explain to us why they wear "clothes". 1.4571 0.02918 525 337 136 52
197 When Earth sends its people, they're not sending their best... 1.4558 0.03928 294 190 74 30
198 I’ll keep this brief. I know how swamped you all are. 1.4554 0.02864 516 326 145 45
199 Let the record show we have met our diversity goals. 1.4553 0.02934 492 311 138 43
200 I’d like to welcome a new member to the Extinct Society. Say hello to to the last living Republican. 1.4553 0.03113 514 344 106 64
201 He represents a market we can no longer ignore. 1.4550 0.03009 433 267 135 31
202 If we drain the swamp, where will we go? 1.4549 0.02902 532 343 136 53
203 You wanted diversity – this is what diversity looks like. 1.4545 0.02881 528 338 140 50
204 If you want to blend in, lose the suit. We're business casual. 1.4531 0.03132 426 269 121 36
205 And now a report from human resources. 1.4530 0.03119 479 314 113 52
206 This is Kenny, our new Diversity & Inclusion officer. 1.4528 0.03028 477 306 126 45
207 Disregard his hideous looks and remember he’s a computer whiz. 1.4528 0.02903 519 333 137 49
208 Meet our new intern, Mr. Sendak. 1.4514 0.02953 494 316 133 45
209 Looks like HR sent us an actual human resource. 1.4512 0.02852 512 324 145 43
210 This is Dave. He’ll be providing lunch. 1.4512 0.03021 512 337 119 56
211 Don’t look at us... We all got vaccinated. 1.4474 0.03802 304 197 78 29
212 All in favor of Ralph joining us for lunch say, "yum". 1.4467 0.03088 488 323 112 53
213 Bob from R&D is here today to introduce a new concept called "clothing." 1.4465 0.03028 486 317 121 48
214 Not scary? He's a climate scientist. 1.4463 0.03272 419 274 103 42
215 Enough of ‘to err is human’ excuses, Ralph. 1.4460 0.03134 435 280 116 39
216 Roger here is one of our diversity hires. 1.4459 0.03138 444 288 114 42
217 There is nothing scarier than being audited. 1.4452 0.03141 465 307 109 49
218 Shall we give humanity a seat at the table? 1.4452 0.02959 465 295 133 37
219 Lunch has finally arrived. And so fresh. 1.4444 0.03068 477 313 116 48
220 Jeremy, here, is a legacy. And his father was delicious! 1.4436 0.04051 266 173 68 25
221 Don’t worry about his appearance, he still has a reptilian brain. 1.4427 0.03071 454 294 119 41
222 He is not "just" a diversity hire. 1.4422 0.03692 303 194 84 25
223 The Republicans decide to conduct their own impeachment inquiry. 1.4415 0.03731 342 230 73 39
224 Our management consultant, here, is ready to discuss our Myers-Briggs results. 1.4409 0.03406 381 250 94 37
225 His DNA might say human, but he identifies as one of us! 1.4407 0.03375 413 277 90 46
226 "And now, Mr. Jones will be leading us in our annual diversity training session." 1.4405 0.03180 395 251 114 30
227 What? Too anthropomorphic? 1.4405 0.03587 336 219 86 31
228 'They were out of donuts." 1.4403 0.03174 461 308 103 50
229 He's a diversity hire. 1.4401 0.02999 459 295 126 38
230 Sydney's an attorney, so I'm sure he'll fit right in. 1.4401 0.03093 459 301 114 44
231 So this is where the wild things went. 1.4393 0.03380 412 277 89 46
232 We have come to a consensus. You are officially on the endangered species list. 1.4387 0.03452 351 227 94 30
233 Everyone, I just want to say how proud I am of the way we've brought employee diversity to a whole new level 1.4384 0.03418 349 224 97 28
234 As part of the new Diversity program, our new intern, Bob, will be starting today. Make him feel welcome and do not eat him. 1.4378 0.03089 450 294 115 41
235 No matter where you’re from, accountants always look the same. 1.4375 0.03114 448 294 112 42
236 Don't let his looks fool you. He worked at the White House. He's a true monster. 1.4372 0.03356 430 293 86 51
237 Everyone give a warm welcome to our token white guy. 1.4347 0.03278 398 261 101 36
238 Do any of these beings look like the one in your nightmare? 1.4345 0.03196 435 289 103 43
239 I'm happy to report that productivity is up 20% since we hired someone with opposable thumbs. 1.4341 0.03171 417 272 109 36
240 No Frank, even if everyone thought Phil here looked delicious, it is completely inappropriate to say "you look tasty" or "I'd love to eat you" and does create a hostile work environment. 1.4340 0.03417 394 265 87 42
241 Phil is here to help us with our image. 1.4339 0.02974 431 273 129 29
242 So you've found where we are, Mr.Sendak! 1.4339 0.03201 431 286 103 42
243 Imagine, ears! 1.4331 0.03299 381 248 101 32
244 This is Bill - fresh out of college, he’s going teach us old dinosaurs how to perform simple maneuvers on an iPhone. 1.4329 0.03429 395 267 85 43
245 What do you mean you’re only human..? We’re sick and tired of that excuse! 1.4328 0.03355 372 243 97 32
246 ...AND, he says we would all own the swamp together and each get four weekends there every year! 1.4316 0.03348 373 244 97 32
247 The Supreme Court declared corporations are human beings but wait until you hear this. 1.4315 0.03554 343 227 84 32
248 This cabinet meeting will come to order. First, we'll hear from the Secretary of Homeland Security about the deportation of aliens. 1.4313 0.03249 422 282 98 42
249 This is not what we meant by Human Resources. 1.4312 0.03522 327 212 89 26
250 Corporate says we have to display more diversity, so get this guy a chair and something to do. 1.4310 0.03207 420 278 103 39
251 He's a part of our diversity policy. 1.4304 0.03360 381 252 94 35
252 I told you we should have built that wall! 1.4300 0.03396 400 271 86 43
253 Jared here wants to know if we have another swamp monster to replace Rudy Giuliani. 1.4275 0.03423 407 280 80 47
254 OK who ordered the human tartare? 1.4273 0.03621 337 226 78 33
255 Trust me. He's as weird as the rest of us. 1.4272 0.03196 405 266 105 34
256 Don't give me that 'Darwin' crap! I didn't evolve from something that looks like that. 1.4270 0.03471 370 252 80 38
257 He usually works from home planet. 1.4267 0.03426 389 264 84 41
258 T'nod llet siht yug, tub ew tae elpoep. 1.4267 0.04342 225 149 56 20
259 So we're agreed: no collusion, no obstruction, no quid pro quo. 1.4263 0.03665 312 206 78 27
260 Who, him? He's just my emotional support human. 1.4254 0.03275 355 228 103 24
261 Mr. Busby from HR will now say a few words about work place safety, how to enter and leave little Billy's bedroom without any more Workmans Comp injuries. 1.4250 0.03261 400 268 95 37
262 Let’s eat, I mean MEET our new cartoonist! 1.4250 0.03223 400 267 99 34
263 I’ve asked Bob from HR to join us for lunch. 1.4250 0.03280 400 267 96 37
264 He's an illegal alien but aren't we all. 1.4249 0.04278 233 155 57 21
265 Let us welcome the newest member of our endangered species group. 1.4246 0.03234 398 263 101 34
266 Have you met Mr. Sendak? 1.4242 0.03265 396 266 92 37
267 Welcome to the first meeting of the Diversity Committee. This white man will take your lunch orders. 1.4242 0.03342 396 267 90 39
268 Todd from marketing is rebranding us from scary monsters to diverse, under the bed companions. 1.4239 0.03276 394 265 94 35
269 Who brought their attorney?” 1.4235 0.03248 392 259 100 33
270 Mr. Henderson merely wishes to know which one of you ate his secretary? 1.4231 0.03198 390 255 105 30
271 I am glad to announce that we've all received our green cards except for Ignatio, here. 1.4231 0.03260 390 258 99 33
272 Try not to judge him by his appearance. 1.4230 0.03448 357 238 87 32
273 He is joining us from human resources 1.4218 0.03508 358 244 78 36
274 Of course, we couldn't drain the entire swamp. 1.4218 0.03441 358 239 87 32
275 If this is their leader, I don’t think we have much to worry about. 1.4213 0.03385 356 235 92 29
276 He's part of our affirmative action commitment. 1.4212 0.03260 349 224 103 22
277 Let's all welcome tonight's dinner guest. 1.4208 0.03267 385 255 98 32
278 Oh, good, dinner is here. 1.4208 0.03389 385 261 86 38
279 So, you're the diversity hire. 1.4208 0.03205 385 252 104 29
280 I've brought in Ted here to help us better understand what 'selling our soul to become a Trump cabinet member' really meant 1.4204 0.03520 383 266 73 44
281 Now, now, there's room for everyone at the table of Welikum, Raw, Bones & All." 1.4204 0.03481 383 264 77 42
282 Who's the weirdo? 1.4204 0.03362 383 258 89 36
283 Our press secretary will, once again, deny any rumors about Area 51 1.4203 0.03672 345 238 69 38
284 'Boot-edge-edge.' It's pronounced "Boot-edge-edge.' 1.4199 0.03333 381 255 92 34
285 Guess who didn't get the 'Business Casual Friday' memo. 1.4191 0.03357 377 253 90 34
286 Our ride is here. Put your human costumes on and let’s head back to the White House. 1.4188 0.03507 382 265 74 43
287 Stop drooling, Doug, we're not going to eat him right now. First, we have to pick his brain. 1.4187 0.03327 375 250 93 32
288 Good News! Bill says our efforts are working - earth will soon be warm enough for all of us. 1.4187 0.03349 375 252 88 34
289 Is it already “take your human to work” day again? 1.4177 0.03610 328 221 77 30
290 He’s not extinct yet, but he’d like to join the waiting list. 1.4167 0.03301 372 247 95 30
291 Bob here is the genius lawyer who got us the Ark exemptions. 1.4159 0.03622 339 232 73 34
292 I know, he freaks me out too. 1.4159 0.03500 339 227 83 29
293 Today's brownbag will be Bob from Human Resources. 1.4159 0.03500 339 227 83 29
294 Let's take a break - I see our lunch just arrived. 1.4158 0.03304 368 244 95 29
295 This is Rex, our new species conflict resolution manager. 1.4158 0.03370 368 247 89 32
296 All in favor, raise your ... never mind just say "aye". 1.4148 0.03505 364 250 77 37
297 Bob's our new P.R. guy, he's going to help us with changing the name of our planet, from Uranus, so we're no longer a laughing stock. 1.4144 0.04827 181 122 43 16
298 On a lighter note, the suit here is concerned about the claw marks on the table. 1.4144 0.03152 362 242 95 24
299 So guys, this is my idea for this year’s Halloween costume trend 1.4144 0.03341 362 241 92 29
300 Let’s all welcome Joe, who brings our first opposable thumbs to our team. 1.4142 0.03353 367 246 90 31
301 Deplorables, I'd like you to meet human scum 1.4139 0.03422 360 243 85 32
302 Find an open seat. There’s no reason to feel alienated. 1.4139 0.03330 360 239 93 28
303 Mr. Brooks left his last company due to feelings of alienation. 1.4134 0.03296 358 236 96 26
304 I know it looks uncomfortable, but it's just for the congressional hearing. 1.4110 0.03650 309 208 75 26
305 Great . . .now that we're all here, who's under the bed tonight? 1.4103 0.03458 351 239 79 32
306 Jeff, the costume party is tomorrow. 1.4103 0.03505 351 240 78 33
307 We'd like to discuss your feeling alienated. 1.4101 0.03584 317 213 78 26
308 He can’t slash, or ooze, or teleport, or even feed on blood. Still, his parents are huge donors, so I say we give him a chance. 1.4098 0.03654 305 205 75 25
309 This is Ed. He's part of our diversity initiative. 1.4095 0.03683 315 215 71 29
310 Lunch is here. 1.4092 0.03510 347 237 78 32
311 We’re here to address the ridiculous claim that our fracking is causing health issues! 1.4092 0.03557 347 239 74 34
312 Relax guys, he's a lawyer. 1.4092 0.03339 347 230 92 25
313 Welcome our lunch guest. 1.4092 0.03364 347 231 90 26
314 He puts the ‘human’ in Human Resources! 1.4092 0.03438 347 234 84 29
315 Auditors, always the scariest person in the room. 1.4087 0.03402 345 231 87 27
316 He's from the Space Force and wants to know what we have on the Bidens. 1.4087 0.03571 345 238 73 34
317 Friends, I’d like to address the human in the room. 1.4087 0.03302 345 227 95 23
318 Hey everyone, meet my new friend John, a creationist. 1.4084 0.03426 311 203 89 19
319 Our new intern Bob is a "vegetarian." That means that he doesn't taste like meat. 1.4082 0.03674 316 216 71 29
320 I'd like to introduce Monster.com's new Chief Diversity Officer. 1.4082 0.03441 343 231 84 28
321 He has to guess which one of us is illegal. 1.4082 0.03514 343 234 78 31
322 Let's all welcome Bob to the diversity and inclusion committee. 1.4082 0.03391 343 229 88 26
323 And now here's Tim with an update from Area 51. 1.4082 0.03490 343 233 80 30
324 We regret that your ancestors were not chosen for the ark, but we cannot offer you reparations. 1.4080 0.03995 299 212 52 35
325 It calls itself a 'human,' and our studies show it alone can destroy a world in just over 200,000 years! 1.4076 0.03634 314 213 74 27
326 I am thrilled to present the captain of our new diversity initiative” 1.4076 0.03404 341 228 87 26
327 I think we all agree that Johnson here has the best Halloween costume. 1.4076 0.03479 341 231 81 29
328 I'd like to introduce Bob, our new director of diversity. 1.4076 0.03353 341 226 91 24
329 Just remember: we’re all ‘acting’ Cabinet members. 1.4076 0.03528 341 233 77 31
330 Whoever doesn't have a seat at the table is on the menu. 1.4059 0.03510 340 232 78 30
331 I blame myself. I should have insisted on free vaccinations for all. 1.4058 0.03712 308 211 69 28
332 I know, I know, but my daughter intends to marry him in June. 1.4036 0.03412 332 222 86 24
333 Its called a human. We're told they do not feel pain the same way we do. 1.4032 0.03817 253 167 70 16
334 Hey, great costume, Ned! 1.4024 0.03493 328 222 80 26
335 It had been years since Simon, the accountant had checked on his imaginary friends and he was pleased to find them in the middle of a finance meeting. 1.4024 0.03572 328 225 74 29
336 Please give a warm welcome to our very first Director of Human Resources. 1.4024 0.03439 328 220 84 24
337 Yes, his membership in The Extinction Club is provisional, for now, but I'm confident he'll be full-fledged well before the next millennium. 1.4024 0.03439 328 220 84 24
338 Strange.. He has a tail on his neck! 1.4018 0.03508 326 221 79 26
339 Our research indicates that this is what we will look like 100 million years from now. 1.4018 0.03561 326 223 75 28
340 Carl is here for lunch. 1.4018 0.03666 326 227 67 32
341 And this was our original form before genetic engineering. 1.4018 0.03691 326 228 65 33
342 I’ve decided to shake things up around here by bringing in some warm blood. 1.4018 0.03508 326 221 79 26
343 I told you he was real. 1.4018 0.03398 326 217 87 22
344 It’s Okay, Rudy Sent Him. 1.4018 0.03742 326 230 61 35
345 I’ve got to hand it to you Bill, that is one scary costume. 1.4012 0.03576 324 222 74 28
346 Meet our new writer. He specializes in human interest stories, whatever those are. 1.4012 0.03522 324 220 78 26
347 But does he “spark joy”? 1.4008 0.04017 242 163 61 18
348 This is Jeff, our new diversity consultant 1.4006 0.03454 322 216 83 23
349 Our commitment to diversity is evident. 1.4006 0.03398 322 214 87 21
350 Thanks everyone for taking the time to come along during your lunch break, and I'm sorry for the secrecy around the purpose of the meeting. You may not remember this man but he sure as sure remembers you. Greg, it's time to face your inner demons. 1.4006 0.03698 322 225 65 32
351 Before we take over their planet, Dan here needs to explain the intricacies of property law. 1.4000 0.03552 320 218 76 26
352 He’s from ICE. Anyone here undocumented? 1.4000 0.03661 320 222 68 30
353 Okay, it looks like lunch has arrived. 1.4000 0.03607 320 220 72 28
354 I motion to admit this honest congressman to The Society of Imaginary Beings. 1.4000 0.03714 320 224 64 32
355 This is Ted from the IRS. I know he doesn't look it but, trust me, come April no one is scarier. 1.3994 0.03539 318 216 77 25
356 It's tradition for new employees to lick the reactor. 1.3993 0.03926 278 193 58 26
357 His preferred pronouns are he, him, his. 1.3993 0.03652 278 185 75 18
358 He didn't quite catch on when I said he was invited for lunch. Who wants to break it to him? 1.3987 0.03638 316 218 70 28
359 I know, but unfortunately we are still required to have one human on the board. 1.3987 0.03526 316 214 78 24
360 First things first: you can’t eat Joe, our new diversity hire. 1.3987 0.03440 316 218 72 24
361 I'm all for diversity in the boardroom, but bringing in a middle-aged white guy is a bit over the top... 1.3987 0.03611 316 217 72 27
362 We 're calling it the "corporate lobbyist". Sure, it's not as flashy and instantaneous as the gamma pulse death ray, but the R&D guys downstairs assure us it will be far more destructive. 1.3987 0.03747 316 222 62 32
363 Would the owner of the white Subaru parked out front please move your vehicle? 1.3969 0.03928 257 175 62 20
364 By my count, the predators have it. You vegans can eat his clothes. 1.3968 0.03561 315 215 75 25
365 Now that we’ve all had a good laugh, Dave can change out of his costume and we’ll get back to work. 1.3955 0.03562 311 212 75 24
366 Ah! Lunch! 1.3950 0.03956 281 198 55 28
367 He followed me here. Can I keep him? 1.3950 0.03656 281 189 73 19
368 Now that we're a majority of this zoo's board, do I hear a motion to open all cages and gates? 1.3948 0.03750 309 217 62 30
369 The business lunch special okay with everyone? 1.3948 0.03665 309 214 68 27
370 Sorry, I’m late. Took me light years to get here. 1.3943 0.03742 279 190 68 21
371 Fred is not on our menu this evening. He is on our endangered species list. 1.3941 0.03504 307 207 79 21
372 He was previously a lawyer at the White House... he should fit right in. 1.3941 0.03767 307 216 61 30
373 I know some of you wanted me to order Indian for lunch, but I went with American. 1.3941 0.03681 307 213 67 27
374 This model is called charmless bureaucrat. 1.3934 0.03639 305 210 70 25
375 I know what you're thinking,but let's give him a chance. 1.3934 0.03488 305 205 80 20
376 I’d like to introduce our new Human Resources Director. 1.3934 0.03669 305 211 68 26
377 All those in favor of tagging and releasing the species raise your right claw. 1.3934 0.03609 305 209 72 24
378 He's not a monster, but he thinks like one. 1.3934 0.03549 305 207 76 22
379 This meeting looks like a New Yorker cartoon. 1.3933 0.03784 267 181 67 19
380 Get used to it, guys - it's all about diversity 1.3927 0.03564 303 206 75 22
381 And we're now live to the President's Cabinet meeting! 1.3927 0.03625 303 212 63 26
382 Yes, he's scary-looking. But let's not prejudge. 1.3927 0.03625 303 208 71 24
383 So we're all decided on lunch. 1.3927 0.03655 303 209 69 25
384 Please welcome the winner of this year’s Halloween costume contest. 1.3920 0.03672 301 208 68 25
385 Yes, an Equal Opportunity hire. 1.3920 0.03732 301 210 64 27
386 Everyone, say hi to Phil. Phil is providing lunch for us today! 1.3920 0.03641 301 207 70 24
387 He's with ICE and wants to see our papers. 1.3913 0.03749 299 209 63 27
388 After a rigorous hiring process, I decided to go with The Devil You Know. 1.3913 0.03501 299 201 79 19
389 Ronald will present the third quarter results. Let's not eat the messenger. 1.3913 0.03469 299 200 81 18
390 I'd like to introduce Stan. Stan is from Roswell, New Mexico. 1.3907 0.03809 302 214 58 30
391 Don’t laugh. He was born that way. 1.3906 0.03484 297 199 80 18
392 Harold recommends against investing in the planet earth until after 2020. 1.3899 0.05421 159 115 26 18
393 Say hi to Kevin; he’s our new inter-species intern. 1.3898 0.03499 295 198 79 18
394 Tech sent him over 1.3898 0.03628 295 202 71 22
395 As usual, we’ll wrap up with Bob’s always amusing update on human affairs. 1.3897 0.03573 290 196 75 19
396 Polish, charm, a can-do attitude... from now on, we only eat MBAs. 1.3891 0.03832 293 207 58 28
397 Trust me, he's a monster in the courtroom. 1.3891 0.03547 293 203 68 22
398 Humans are good, they taste like chicken. 1.3885 0.03618 296 203 71 22
399 Meet our new head of Human Resources. 1.3883 0.03693 291 201 67 23
400 After he is here a while he won’t seem so scary 1.3875 0.03612 289 197 72 20
401 This is Phil, our diversity hire. 1.3875 0.03612 289 197 72 20
402 Ed is our new accountant. We need an accountant, so please don't eat this one. 1.3875 0.03711 289 200 66 23
403 He’s my great, great, great, great, great nephew. He’ll start in the mailroom, and no snide remarks on his looks. 1.3870 0.03651 292 201 69 22
404 HR says we may have to expand the list of accepted pronouns. 1.3868 0.03990 243 167 58 18
405 Let's all welcome Charlie from Marketing, who uses the pronouns he and him. 1.3868 0.03726 243 161 70 12
406 He’s white, he’s human-we think he’s electable. 1.3868 0.03662 287 197 69 21
407 Now I know none of us enjoy these diversity training exercises, but let's hear what Bill from HR has to say before we devour him. 1.3868 0.03760 287 200 63 24
408 Nice costume, Fred. Where'd you find the tie? 1.3860 0.03712 285 197 66 22
409 You'll trust me when I say he's loathsome where it counts. 1.3860 0.03811 285 200 60 25
410 The winner of this years "Scariest Costume" contest is Bill, who came cleverly disguised as a staunch Republican! 1.3860 0.03907 285 203 54 28
411 We finally hired the scariest monster of all: a white man with no relevant experience but lots of ideas for our company. 1.3860 0.03907 285 203 54 28
412 Don’t worry. As a lawyer, he’s barely human. 1.3843 0.03538 281 189 76 16
413 Monsters, I present to you one of the scariest creatures of all: a lawyer. 1.3821 0.03888 280 199 55 26
414 Did someone order a human from Grubhub? 1.3821 0.03720 280 194 65 21
415 I’m happy to report that our diversity initiative has been wildly successful. 1.3821 0.03788 280 196 61 23
416 He won our last Caption Contest 1.3813 0.03738 278 193 64 21
417 As part of the out-of-court settlement, Timmy is now going to explain the effect having us all in his closet has had on his self-esteem and difficulty forming relationships. 1.3813 0.03560 278 192 68 18
418 Late again, Earth -- go get the coffee. 1.3813 0.03668 278 191 68 19
419 Jeff will add some much needed diversity to the board 1.3813 0.03632 278 190 70 18
420 . . . and because he will be my acting Secretary he doesn't need senate confirmation. 1.3813 0.03668 278 191 68 19
421 So we bought the whole planet and this guy was part of the deal. 1.3813 0.03560 278 188 74 16
422 Finally will have some diversity on the board. 1.3813 0.03772 278 194 62 22
423 He's from Human Resources. 1.3813 0.03703 278 192 66 20
424 Meet Billy. He is not to be eaten. 1.3813 0.03807 278 195 60 23
425 Meet our new head of Diversity and Inclusion. 1.3813 0.03560 278 193 67 18
426 Our company is evolving Jake. Don't be left behind. 1.3804 0.03649 276 189 69 18
427 Interplanetary Impeachment council gathered to vote on the impeachment of Trump from the galaxy. 1.3804 0.04059 276 201 45 30
428 And for Bring an Alien to Work Day, I've brought Sid... 1.3804 0.03649 276 189 69 18
429 We're phasing out hiding in closets at night, but here's Hank to tell us how to annoy people on buses. 1.3804 0.03791 276 193 61 22
430 Shall we get this presidential cabinet meeting started? 1.3804 0.03927 276 197 53 26
431 This is our new hire in marketing. He’s got some great ideas that will give the firm a human face. 1.3804 0.03685 276 190 67 19
432 Rudy here says he has no problem representing slimeballs. 1.3804 0.03720 276 191 65 20
433 I'd like to introduce our new legal council, Rudy Giuliani. Rudy here specializes in representing monsters 1.3804 0.04026 276 200 47 29
434 Yeah, he looks harmless at first. But then the entitlement comes out! 1.3804 0.03825 276 194 59 23
435 Hey everybody, I finally found the guy who's been hiding on top of our beds. 1.3804 0.03859 276 195 57 24
436 Please welcome our newest monster: "Creature of Habit." 1.3796 0.03913 274 195 54 25
437 Oh great, another affirmative action hire... 1.3796 0.03738 274 190 64 20
438 Ok, so you guys wanna split this one or get a few more? 1.3796 0.03844 274 193 58 23
439 I guess SOMEONE decided to dress up for Halloween. 1.3796 0.03592 274 186 72 16
440 I’d like to convene the meeting of the survivors of the Trump cabinet. 1.3796 0.03879 274 194 56 24
441 Don't worry, he's more afraid of us than we are of him. 1.3796 0.03809 274 192 60 22
442 Again with the clothes! 1.3796 0.03809 274 192 60 22
443 Oh thank goodness. We're finally getting some diversity in this office! 1.3796 0.03774 274 191 62 21
444 We finally have a species on the team who knows how to wreak havoc at scale. 1.3796 0.03844 274 193 58 23
445 This is Allen, our new assistant manager -- or if he doesn't work out, lunch. 1.3796 0.03738 274 190 64 20
446 Oh boy, look what corporate brought in 1.3796 0.03738 274 190 64 20
447 Let's show the new guy we're not a bunch of monsters. 1.3796 0.03774 274 191 62 21
448 Let's give a warm welcome to our newest White House hire. 1.3787 0.03828 272 191 59 22
449 And it's fair to say, that none of us would even be here without the Administration's de-regulation of pesticides. 1.3787 0.04035 272 197 47 28
450 Welcome to human sensitivity training. 1.3787 0.03609 272 185 71 16
451 HR needs our pronouns. Everyone still using 'it'?" 1.3787 0.03828 272 191 59 22
452 Don't worry, he won't eat you. 1.3787 0.03683 272 187 67 18
453 HR has advised that we may no longer use Monster.com as our sole recruiting channel. 1.3787 0.03828 272 191 59 22
454 Sam's pronouns are it and it. 1.3783 0.04227 230 163 47 20
455 Mr. Darwin will set a new course in the evolution of our company. 1.3783 0.04271 230 164 45 21
456 Now here' s the deal; he'll fund our little project if we promise to dig up some dirt on his good buddy, the hunter. 1.3779 0.04157 217 150 52 15
457 Let's all give a big Trump White House welcome to our newest cabinet member. 1.3778 0.03882 270 191 56 23
458 Don't worry, he's our lawyer, he's just as slimy as the rest of us. 1.3778 0.03918 270 192 54 24
459 And this is our candidate for a new species. 1.3778 0.03738 270 187 64 19
460 I know he's no monster, but he is an attorney which is the best we could do on short notice. 1.3778 0.03953 270 193 52 25
461 It will have to lose the suit. 1.3778 0.03701 270 186 66 18
462 We're pretty informal here, George. Once you take off those clothes, I'm sure you'll fit in nicely with the other Directors. 1.3778 0.03701 270 186 66 18
463 Diverse teams are high-performing teams, so let’s welcome Alan! 1.3778 0.03625 270 184 70 16
464 Tim is here to humansplain the pitfalls of corporate diversity initiatives. 1.3769 0.03681 268 184 67 17
465 Rudy here says his boss will give us the Earth if we just eat all the Democrats. 1.3769 0.03902 268 190 55 23
466 No one said that speed dating would be easy. 1.3766 0.04075 231 161 53 17
467 Look at him, wearing a suit on casual Friday. 1.3759 0.03885 266 188 56 22
468 This might be a good time to remind everyone of the new company policy, no eating the interns. 1.3759 0.03736 266 184 64 18
469 I call to order this meeting of the Comcast board of directors. 1.3759 0.03993 266 191 50 25
470 So, what does Dr. Seuss want us to rhyme with this time? 1.3755 0.04191 229 162 48 19
471 Bob here would like to join our Rare Species Board. He's a white middle aged male whose only had one job. 1.3750 0.03793 264 184 61 19
472 He's here to drain the swamp. 1.3750 0.03638 264 182 66 16
473 Our new employee comes from the White House .... and they call us monsters?! 1.3750 0.03978 264 189 51 24
474 Yes, we ARE feeling alienated. 1.3750 0.03755 264 183 63 18
475 Yes, Karen, HR has advised our new hire about your preferred pronoun, "it". 1.3745 0.03979 235 163 56 16
476 We found him in Area 51. 1.3740 0.03635 262 183 61 17
477 Two arms? Sorry -- they meet across the hall. 1.3740 0.03812 262 183 60 19
478 He’s scary looking, but I think he’ll fit in here. 1.3740 0.03734 262 181 64 17
479 That's not his skin. It's the wrapper. 1.3740 0.03695 262 180 66 16
480 Who's game for a little white meat? 1.3740 0.03734 262 181 64 17
481 That's correct. He doesn't speak our language and what's more, he has no idea it's 'eat a lawyer' day. 1.3740 0.03734 262 181 64 17
482 Our guest will discuss the pros and cons of clothing. 1.3739 0.04130 230 162 50 18
483 Ok everyone, introduce yourselves to the newcomer by saying your name, your planet of origin, and uh a fun fact. 1.3731 0.03752 260 180 63 17
484 He's our affirmative action hire." 1.3731 0.03712 260 179 65 16
485 The massaged and beer fed human comes fully dressed. 1.3731 0.03945 260 185 53 22
486 Say hello to Brian. This is his first meat and greet. 1.3728 0.04246 228 163 45 20
487 Ted here is our new VP of Human Resources 1.3721 0.03850 258 181 58 19
488 He’s what they call a ‘Human Resource’. 1.3721 0.03928 258 183 54 21
489 Maybe we just need to think inside the box? 1.3721 0.03966 258 184 52 22
490 And winner of the "Despicable Monster of the Year" award goes once again to. . . Homo Sapiens. 1.3721 0.04188 258 192 37 29
491 ...and his parents worked at our Chernobyl plant! 1.3711 0.03451 256 177 66 13
492 And now, our guest speaker, discussing "Are we alone in the universe?" 1.3711 0.03749 256 177 63 16
493 Welcome to the monthly meeting of the Odd Fellows 1.3705 0.04107 224 157 51 16
494 Congratulations. The job is yours, you’re also the only applicant we decided not to eat! 1.3701 0.03849 254 178 58 18
495 All in favor of striking evolution from the textbooks, say “I”. 1.3701 0.04046 254 183 48 23
496 Who ordered out? 1.3701 0.03555 254 171 72 11
497 Jim here is new to the planet.... so let's give him a big warm welcome. 1.3700 0.03922 227 156 58 13
498 Did we get rid of your hiccups? 1.3700 0.03770 227 153 64 10
499 So we’re all in agreement. We stay out of Dave’s nightmares until next Tuesday. 1.3696 0.03696 257 177 65 15
500 I know we're all monsters, but who invited the lawyer? 1.3690 0.04107 252 183 45 24
501 all those in favor of telling ralph he is tripping, raise your claws. 1.3686 0.03916 255 181 54 19
502 I assure you, what he's done in the corporate world, more than qualifies him for our club. 1.3680 0.03889 250 176 56 18
503 I would like to introduce Fred from our non-GMO product line. 1.3680 0.03930 250 177 54 19
504 It's probably better if Bob speaks to the media. 1.3680 0.03889 250 176 56 17
505 Legal says that we have to start wearing clothes. 1.3680 0.03497 250 167 74 9
506 Gentlemen, lunch is here. 1.3676 0.03690 253 176 62 15
507 Then it's unanimous! Tom had this Halloween's scariest costume. 1.3676 0.03732 253 175 63 15
508 Bob is our most recent diversity hire so please don’t eat him. 1.3669 0.03825 248 173 59 16
509 Jerry is our new diversity hire, and, as usual, he'll stay for lunch. 1.3669 0.03909 248 175 55 18
510 Please welcome our new Chief Diversity Officer. 1.3669 0.03867 248 174 57 17
511 Jim is our new diversity inclusion team member--welcome him but please do not sniff, bite or probe him. 1.3669 0.03951 248 176 53 19
512 Well, I just don't see him fitting into the work group. 1.3667 0.04953 150 105 35 10
513 The vote is unanimous -- Student Loan Collector wins monster of the millennium. 1.3665 0.04881 161 114 35 12
514 Say hi to Ted, our diversity hire. 1.3659 0.03844 246 172 58 16
515 I'd like you to join me in welcoming our new Diversity Program Manager. 1.3659 0.03757 246 170 62 14
516 I've brought us a Republican. Who's eaten one before? 1.3659 0.03844 246 172 58 16
517 When they said corporate was a room full of monsters, I didn't expect this. 1.3659 0.03844 246 172 58 16
518 You can all sleep soundly, now - the gentleman here has assured me that there are no children hiding in your closets 1.3659 0.04175 246 180 42 24
519 He's our diversity candidate 1.3659 0.03887 246 173 56 17
520 Ron is our new head of diversity. 1.3655 0.03726 249 172 63 14
521 Ted is so creepy looking... wait, he's right behind me, isn't he. This is so embarrassing. 1.3648 0.03908 244 172 55 17
522 There were some unforeseen side effects from our new medication. 1.3648 0.03864 244 171 57 16
523 he's ugly but he's a darn good accountant 1.3648 0.03951 244 173 53 18
524 Now that we're all here, let's discuss climate change. 1.3641 0.04239 217 155 45 17
525 Lunch has arrived. 1.3636 0.03928 242 171 54 17
526 Stop treating him like a monster, he's just an accountant! 1.3636 0.03840 242 169 58 15
527 We're all monster's here Mr. Lauer, you'll fit right in 1.3636 0.04057 242 174 48 20
528 This is our new manicurist. 1.3636 0.04409 198 141 42 15
529 As the only carnivore at the table, I know why I am smiling , but why is he? 1.3636 0.04057 242 174 48 20
530 This was not what Brad had pictured when he decided he must meet his demons. 1.3636 0.04223 242 178 40 24
531 I’d say we have some very fine creatures on both sides! 1.3636 0.04015 242 173 50 19
532 Guys,I thought you should meet Fred. He's the man behind the dream we're in right now. 1.3636 0.03840 242 169 58 15
533 OK. Let's vote. Who is for evolution? 1.3636 0.03884 242 170 56 16
534 Whatever you do, don't mention his oupee-tay! 1.3636 0.04580 198 144 36 18
535 Believe me, when you see what this guy's managed to do with his innocent demeanor, you'll agree that he's the perfect addition to our board. 1.3636 0.04099 242 175 46 21
536 Now a warm welcome to Paul, our Human Relations consultant. 1.3636 0.03840 242 169 58 15
537 Lunch is here. Who ordered the suit? 1.3636 0.04015 242 173 50 19
538 This is Noah, who wants to take each of you, with your partner, on a cruise. 1.3632 0.04150 212 149 49 14
539 This is what they look like on planet Earth 1.3628 0.04056 215 150 52 13
540 He can stay. He’s a VP at Monsanto. 1.3628 0.04366 215 156 40 19
541 And they think global warming is not a real thing.... 1.3628 0.04464 215 158 36 21
542 All in favor of letting Chuck go extinct say 'Aye.' 1.3628 0.04265 215 154 43 17
543 I guess Carl didn’t get the naked Friday memo. 1.3628 0.04366 215 156 40 19
544 You can dress these “humans” up but I’m not convinced that they will ever be civilised! 1.3625 0.03949 240 170 53 17
545 Everyone, meet our newest member of the Astronomical Legion of Intergalactic Entities and Nations (ALIEN). Don’t worry, he may not seem qualified, but he’s part of the greediest and most brutal species I‘ve ever come across. 1.3625 0.04164 240 175 42 22
546 Cabinet meeting at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, 2019. 1.3625 0.04122 240 174 45 21
547 Your seats are safe. He's unaware of our grass ceiling. 1.3625 0.03993 240 171 51 18
548 Ned, why don't you tell the gang a little about yourself - where ya' from, where'd you go to school, how many planets you've visited -that sort of thing. 1.3619 0.03950 210 144 56 10
549 This is Mark. He is going to talk to us today about what makes each of us unique and how that benefits the company. 1.3615 0.04134 213 150 49 14
550 Guess who didn't get the memo? 1.3615 0.04134 213 150 49 14
551 He doesn't bite. 1.3615 0.04025 213 148 53 12
552 Humans deserve a seat at the table? You're kidding me. 1.3615 0.04134 213 150 49 14
553 It tastes better than it looks. 1.3615 0.03970 213 147 55 11
554 So together I think we've got a pretty good case against Hieronymus Bosch 1.3615 0.04080 213 149 51 13
555 We really wish we could support you, Mayor Pete, but sorry, it’s just that whole g-a-y thing. 1.3615 0.04591 213 159 31 23
556 All in favor of eating the IT guy... 1.3615 0.04444 213 156 37 20
557 All those in favor say urgzwkpx. 1.3615 0.04343 213 154 41 18
558 We can use a little warm blood on this committee. 1.3615 0.04240 213 152 45 16
559 Here's our new undocumented alien. 1.3615 0.04444 213 156 37 20
560 Is it housebroken? 1.3615 0.04187 213 151 47 15
561 Apparently, in the remote future, one of us will evolve into that monster. 1.3615 0.04240 213 152 45 16
562 No, he’s no monster, but he’s a lawyer and that’s scary enough... 1.3615 0.04025 213 151 49 13
563 I'd like you all to meet Bob our new director of human resources. 1.3615 0.03914 213 146 57 10
564 I suppose I should address the 180-pound homosapien in the room. 1.3615 0.04343 213 154 41 18
565 So we all agree this Noah character is a crackpot. 1.3613 0.03834 238 166 58 14
566 Please welcome Simon, our token male board member. 1.3613 0.03834 238 166 58 14
567 For the last time Scott, the Halloween party is tomorrow. 1.3613 0.04059 238 171 48 19
568 The Thanksgiving special this year is a farm raised stuffed human. 1.3613 0.03926 238 168 54 16
569 This is Bob. He also hides under children's beds... 1.3613 0.03971 238 169 52 17
570 Can we take a minute a talk about the human in the room? 1.3602 0.03854 236 165 57 14
571 Tell the judge we have a unanimous verdict. We just ate those who disagreed. 1.3602 0.04169 236 172 43 21
572 We're all about diversity as long as the reptiles are in charge. 1.3602 0.04169 236 172 43 21
573 Please welcome Carl, our new Human Resources Director. 1.3602 0.03662 236 161 65 10
574 You must admit “no nudity” is a pretty flexible dress code. 1.3602 0.03854 236 168 54 14
575 You may he wondering why we abducted you: we need you to teach us how you make thin crust pizza. 1.3600 0.05031 150 107 32 11
576 Are you out of your mind? We are not using chopsticks. 1.3596 0.05727 114 81 25 8
577 Meet Ted, our new head of Human Resources 1.3592 0.05031 142 100 33 9
578 You’d be surprised how many want to leave their planet. 1.3590 0.04104 234 169 46 19
579 Ok, Dave, we can stay out from under Susie's bed. But the closet is fair game. 1.3590 0.04059 234 168 48 18
580 And please welcome Ralph, our new head of corporate diversity 1.3586 0.03841 237 166 57 14
581 I’m here for diversity training. 1.3586 0.03841 237 166 57 14
582 Bob is our human resource 1.3578 0.04195 204 144 47 13
583 And now, it's time for lunch. Everyone, meet Frank. 1.3578 0.04082 232 167 47 18
584 I knew dropping acid before Thanksgiving dinner would be a good idea. 1.3578 0.04173 232 169 43 20
585 So it's agreed, we keep the Endangered Species Act. 1.3578 0.03943 232 164 53 15
586 Let's give a big Galactic Extinction Club welcome to our newest member, Homo Sapiens. 1.3578 0.04082 232 167 47 18
587 I'd be willing to bet only one of us has already had coffee. 1.3578 0.03798 232 161 59 12
588 Bob will be our public face. 1.3578 0.03847 232 172 41 19
589 Well, it looks like our lunch has arrived. 1.3578 0.04036 232 166 49 17
590 Don't let his looks fool you. His entitlement is terrifying. 1.3574 0.03908 235 166 54 15
591 All in favor, raise an appendage. 1.3568 0.04205 199 140 47 12
592 Try to remember, you all started out just like him. 1.3565 0.03867 230 161 56 13
593 Can someone explain why Bob is the only one of you dressed for Halloween? 1.3565 0.04105 230 166 46 18
594 Lunch is here. Hope you don't mind white meat. 1.3565 0.03867 230 161 56 13
595 In light of recent events, Bob will be the new face of the company. 1.3565 0.03916 230 162 54 14
596 So Harry's the only one who got dressed up for Hallowe'en! 1.3565 0.03867 230 161 56 13
597 As you all know, Best Costume gets to park closest to the building for all of November. Pete, tell 'em who the winner is! 1.3565 0.03867 230 161 56 13
598 The defendant thinks we are not a jury of his peers. 1.3565 0.04151 230 167 44 19
599 Please stop your drooling. That's not what 'Human Resources' means. 1.3565 0.04059 230 165 48 17
600 Ted here is going to help us rebrand our childhood terror company as a market leader in soul-crushing tedium for adults. 1.3565 0.04242 230 169 40 21
601 Lunch has arrived. He's a stand-up comedian so he might taste a little funny. 1.3565 0.04105 230 166 46 18
602 This baker wants to use our likenesses in crackers. Are we okay with that? 1.3553 0.03631 228 155 65 8
603 Oh, come on guys. He won't bite. 1.3553 0.03787 228 158 59 11
604 And now, offering the Democratic Response... 1.3553 0.04082 228 164 47 17
605 I see our lunch has arrived. 1.3553 0.03986 228 162 51 15
606 Gentlemen, meet your worst nightmare! 1.3553 0.04082 228 164 47 17
607 HR says we have to install a gender neutral bathroom 1.3553 0.03937 228 161 53 14
608 This is Bob from Accounting. 1.3553 0.03937 228 161 53 14
609 With the addition of Bob to the Board we achieve diversity ! 1.3553 0.04082 228 164 47 17
610 No worries. He's housebroken. 1.3553 0.03888 228 160 55 13
611 Please welcome our diversity hire. 1.3550 0.03754 231 160 60 11
612 Our guest speaker today is a recruiter with Amazon. 1.3540 0.04105 226 163 46 17
613 It’s unanimous. No more GMO food. 1.3540 0.03959 226 160 52 14
614 Branding says we needed to retool the Republican predator look.” 1.3540 0.03858 226 158 56 12
615 This time we’ll be cutting back on the GMO‘s. Right? 1.3540 0.04292 226 167 38 21
616 Our presentation topic: "How to Dress for Success". 1.3540 0.04008 226 161 50 15
617 Bob comes to us from Wall Street and is going to show us how the pros execute a hostile takeover. 1.3540 0.04152 226 164 44 18
618 Everybody, say hi to Ted. Fun fact, Ted joins us from the Earth office, which was recently destroyed by climate change." 1.3527 0.04224 224 164 41 19
619 Welcome to our annual diversity training session. 1.3527 0.04080 224 161 47 16
620 Who's the suit? 1.3527 0.03980 224 159 51 14
621 Guys, it's cool—he's a Trump appointee. 1.3527 0.04271 224 165 39 20
622 Team, our bottom line needs help. I’d like you to welcome Smedley; he's more reptilian that all of us put together! 1.3527 0.03720 224 167 39 14
623 10 minutes late Carl! And I don’’t want to hear the “millions of light years commute” excuse again. 1.3527 0.04128 224 162 45 17
624 Let's all welcome Rudy 1.3527 0.04224 224 164 41 19
625 As she gets older, we'll be casting him progressively more in her nightmares. 1.3527 0.04177 224 163 43 18
626 My apologies, I’m taking him to the vet at lunch. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
627 Say hello to Matt, our new diversity hire. 1.3514 0.03899 222 156 54 12
628 Yes David is deaf but he can read lips so I don't want anyone to say,a-d-o-p-t-e-d. 1.3514 0.04002 222 160 47 15
629 With the hiring of Sam here, we’ve met our minority quota. 1.3514 0.04053 222 159 48 15
630 I’ve gathered a representative from each planet to discuss Earth’s threat to the solar system. 1.3514 0.04391 222 166 34 22
631 Meet Clarence, our new Diversity Coordinator. 1.3514 0.03899 222 156 54 12
632 Forget intelligent life. He should try searching for a better tie. 1.3512 0.04558 168 121 36 11
633 HR is here to talk about workplace hygiene again. 1.3505 0.04451 194 141 38 15
634 So...you forgot to fight climate change, huh? 1.3503 0.04750 177 130 32 15
635 We can't be scarier than the last administration! 1.3500 0.04127 220 159 45 16
636 This is Jim. He’s one of the survivors of the “hostile takeover”. 1.3500 0.03703 220 151 61 8
637 Looks like Steve is the only one who remembered the company costume party. 1.3500 0.03920 220 155 53 12
638 Remember, don't judge a life form by its cover. 1.3500 0.04025 220 157 49 14
639 Mr. Sendak, you're late again! 1.3500 0.04076 220 158 47 15
640 Ok, lunch is here. Who ordered an “Ed”? 1.3500 0.04076 220 158 47 15
641 I expected him to look more like Sigourney Weaver. 1.3500 0.04226 220 161 41 18
642 And Mark here will be helping us with new our diversity initiative. 1.3498 0.04038 223 160 48 15
643 Not to belabor the obvious, but we found Jeff on Monster.com. 1.3498 0.03988 223 159 50 14
644 The Committee on Climate Change has come to order. 1.3486 0.04151 218 158 44 16
645 Everyone, welcome Joe. He’s our diversity hire. 1.3486 0.04100 218 157 46 15
646 Our guest requests his species' admission to the extinction society. 1.3486 0.04398 218 163 34 21
647 Lunch break. 1.3486 0.04151 218 158 44 16
648 He's not our waiter. He's our dinner. 1.3486 0.03942 218 154 52 12
649 HR said we have to include one of the humans. 1.3486 0.03778 218 151 58 9
650 ... all in favor of putting a white man on the board for the "sake" of diversity... 1.3486 0.04201 218 159 42 17
651 Shall we address the elephant in the room? 1.3486 0.04100 218 157 46 15
652 No, Barney is not the appetizer, he is here to take your lunch orders. 1.3486 0.03995 218 155 50 13
653 After working here a while you'll fit right in. 1.3486 0.03833 218 152 56 10
654 Smith here says that the last batch of LSD we produced somehow got into the ventilation system. 1.3486 0.04100 218 157 46 15
655 Don't treat him any differently. 1.3484 0.04061 221 159 47 15
656 Everybody say ‘Hello’ to Steve, our new intern. He’s a failed experiment. 1.3484 0.03958 221 157 51 13
657 We're sorry we have to let you go, Bob. It just feels like your conservative ways are a little too alien for us. 1.3474 0.04511 190 139 36 15
658 ¡Ω≈∂ß´œ§ªº;ñÇx! 1.3472 0.04277 216 159 39 18
659 Congratulations on hitting our diversity goal. 1.3472 0.04018 216 154 49 13
660 Please don’t eat the Intern. 1.3470 0.04032 219 157 48 14
661 My pronouns are ytr, zfff, and glorg. 1.3470 0.04284 219 162 38 19
662 I want to introduce Ed, who will be starting up our diversity initiative. 1.3470 0.04032 219 157 48 14
663 Oh, good. Here’s Ned from accounting. Let’s pick his brain. 1.3470 0.04084 219 158 46 15
664 Don't let his looks frighten you: he's a genius with accounts. 1.3470 0.03593 219 153 57 8
665 I've decided to bring someone in who can think outside the box. 1.3470 0.03927 219 155 52 12
666 As requested, Derek from HR is attending to hear our perspective on the corporation's use of preferred pronouns. 1.3469 0.05998 98 70 22 6
667 Our new CEO is a loner, lives with his mother, and best of all, he's from Florida. 1.3466 0.04553 176 127 37 12
668 So I'm guessing I may not be the only one here who experimented with the Crispr DIY gene editing kit over the weekend. 1.3459 0.04783 185 139 28 18
669 Can you believe it?I found him on the street with no name tag or anything. House trained, too! 1.3459 0.04658 185 137 32 16
670 Hey, everyone, dinner is here! 1.3458 0.04148 214 155 44 15
671 Per our new non-discriminating policy, I would like you all to give a warm welcome to our newest recruit, Max. 1.3458 0.03986 214 152 50 12
672 Finally someone to take our Starbucks order. 1.3458 0.03817 214 149 56 9
673 This is Non-Human Resources, pal. Try next door. 1.3458 0.04094 214 154 46 14
674 I thought we ordered collared greens not white collar 1.3458 0.04454 214 161 32 21
675 Really guys... how are there no women in the diversity discussion meeting? 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
676 It was a diversity hire 1.3456 0.03949 217 154 51 12
677 Please welcome our newest diversity hire. 1.3456 0.03839 217 152 55 10
678 This creature can destroy worlds with baseless lawsuits! 1.3456 0.04107 217 157 45 15
679 White House Cabinet Meeting 1.3456 0.04260 217 160 39 18
680 I'd like to introduce to you the biggest monster of them all... Bill from Telemarketing. 1.3456 0.04210 217 159 41 17
681 «That’s the most utterly horrifying Halloween costume we’ve ever seen, Joe.» 1.3456 0.04055 217 156 47 14
682 Who ordered the Millennial hold the mayo ? 1.3456 0.04210 217 159 41 17
683 This is the creature I told you about who came here to dig up dirt on something called Biden. 1.3456 0.04107 217 157 45 15
684 Do I really need to remind you that monsters come in all shapes? 1.3456 0.03839 217 152 55 10
685 Marvin, please tell the board what makes you unique to handle our campaign. 1.3445 0.04159 209 151 44 14
686 Fred knew he was going to have to get more cold-blooded to fit in at the board room. 1.3445 0.04103 209 150 46 13
687 I don't care how advanced their civilization is, they're just weird looking! 1.3445 0.04103 209 150 46 13
688 And now I'd like to introduce Harold, the guy who's having this dream.... 1.3445 0.04268 209 153 40 16
689 What a find for the museum! A pre-Climate -Change Humanoid dating all the way back to 2070! 1.3445 0.04427 209 156 34 19
690 Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves and which famous person's bed is the worst to hide under. 1.3445 0.04214 209 152 42 15
691 Can I have a show of talons for ice water with lemon? 1.3445 0.03873 209 146 54 9
692 Remember he's our front man, so no one eats him. 1.3445 0.03990 209 148 50 11
693 I thought we agreed on a vegetarian lunch. 1.3443 0.04118 212 153 45 14
694 On the advice of our lawyers, we've decided to add a diversity hire. Everyone, meet Steve. 1.3442 0.03970 215 153 50 12
695 We’ll break a little early since lunch has arrived. 1.3442 0.04025 215 154 48 13
696 Listen, I'm sure you've all heard about diversity in the work place. 1.3442 0.03859 215 151 54 10
697 Welcome to 2020's first meeting of the Trump cabinet! 1.3442 0.04235 215 158 40 17
698 We have our fall guy. Now all we need is a murky scam. 1.3441 0.04445 186 135 38 13
699 Gentlemen, this is Norm - I’m thinking he should be the ‘face’ for our Corporate Diversity Campaign... 1.3441 0.04445 186 135 38 13
700 We’ve nearly met our annual diversity quotas. 1.3441 0.04699 186 139 30 17
701 Don't worry, he's harmless. 1.3441 0.04510 186 136 36 14
702 Chris stood awkwardly, cursing himself as he realised the members of the galactic alliance never dress up for Halloween. 1.3441 0.04244 186 132 44 10
703 I’d like to introduce you to our 2020 nominee and new face of our party. 1.3441 0.04175 186 131 46 9
704 So HOW much are we suing Disney for? 1.3441 0.04510 186 136 36 14
705 Today team we will hear from a former Trump adviser on being scary. 1.3441 0.04445 186 135 38 13
706 No, he’ll GET lunch. 1.3441 0.04312 186 133 42 11
707 Alright, let's break for now--lunch is here. 1.3441 0.04574 186 137 34 15
708 This is Henry, our new diversity hire. 1.3439 0.04926 157 115 30 12
709 I'm sorry you're being replaced, Klorg. The human has some excellent ideas about how to destroy a planet. 1.3434 0.05035 166 125 25 16
710 Let me present to you tonight's entree. 1.3430 0.04240 207 151 41 15
711 He says that the Russians will provide financing, but we’ll have to pay a franchise fee for the Trump name. 1.3430 0.04240 207 151 41 15
712 Don't be put off by the non-threatening appearance; he's one of the most efficient world-destroyers ever 1.3430 0.04070 207 148 47 12
713 I realize this human does not bring much to the party, but we are under pressure to diversify. 1.3430 0.04240 207 151 41 15
714 He's right. We need to outsource past just closets and under beds. 1.3430 0.04070 207 148 47 12
715 We’ll open our meeting by going around the table and telling our Supreme Leader how perfect he is. 1.3430 0.04295 207 152 39 16
716 Trust me. He may look respectable, but he’s a slimy, coldblooded, ruthless scumbag just like us. 1.3430 0.04128 207 150 42 14
717 I'd like to introduce a true monster, our Legal Counsel. 1.3415 0.04094 205 147 46 12
718 And now, what you've all been waiting for: the results of our gene-transformation program. 1.3415 0.03976 205 145 50 10
719 I see one of us is in the Halloween spirit. 1.3415 0.04431 205 153 34 18
720 Well.....It's not an Elephant, but it's in the room. 1.3415 0.04266 205 150 40 15
721 Look at it as an opportunity to practice tolerance. 1.3415 0.04209 205 149 42 14
722 While it’s true he resembles a sick pickle, it’s still harassment to post on break room bulletin board. 1.3413 0.04476 167 119 39 9
723 Meet our new dermatologist. 1.3399 0.04118 203 146 45 12
724 I assure you our expansionist policies will not take us beyond Mars. 1.3399 0.04235 203 148 41 14
725 Guys, please welcome Harvey Weinstein. Trust me, he's scarier than all of us combined. 1.3399 0.04404 203 151 35 17
726 I guess you've all heard by now immigration is a huge problem ? 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
727 Here's Phil the Product Manager to demonstrate our new offering: 'pants.'" 1.3399 0.04059 203 145 47 11
728 Why the long faces? 1.3399 0.04177 203 147 43 13
729 Who invited accounting? 1.3399 0.04118 203 146 45 12
730 Okay, can we address the human in the room? 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
731 - A democrat walks in a room... "oh boy, here we go..." 1.3399 0.03998 203 144 49 10
732 I know he's not a slimy forked-tongued monster that's slithered from mud but let's see if we can give Bob some support for his senate race anyway. 1.3399 0.04177 203 147 43 13
733 To revive the species, we will need to find a mate for him. 1.3399 0.04514 203 153 31 19
734 It's casual Friday, Bob. Didn't you get the memo? 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
735 The good news is you're all off the endangered list. 1.3399 0.04177 203 147 43 13
736 All for giving the funny looking animal a seat at the table say 'aye' 1.3399 0.04059 203 145 47 11
737 Guess who didn't get the memo about not doing Halloween costumes this year! 1.3399 0.03937 203 143 51 9
738 We had thought them extinct. 1.3399 0.03998 203 144 49 9
739 Jim hails from Harvard and tastes delicious on rye bread. 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
740 We’ve received reports of elevated radiation levels, but so far the tests have been inconclu...oh. 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
741 Thompson, here, may look human but underneath he's all monster. 1.3383 0.04261 201 147 40 14
742 Come on guys, tobacco executives are monsters too. 1.3383 0.04021 201 143 48 10
743 OK, Who wants the vegetarian option? 1.3383 0.04261 201 147 40 14
744 Let me introduce the average white guy. 1.3383 0.04021 201 143 48 10
745 Mr. Williams is here because the home office thinks we need diversity training. 1.3383 0.03959 201 142 49 9
746 Before we slither back to our desks, Henry from Legal will provide a refresher on our whistleblower policy. 1.3383 0.04202 201 146 42 13
747 Hey, anybody wanna listen to the white guy? 1.3383 0.04143 201 145 44 12
748 These side effects are unacceptable. 1.3383 0.04143 201 148 40 13
749 Just a reminder, team. Tomorrow is bring your pet to work day. 1.3383 0.04082 201 144 46 11
750 Steve found time to put together a Halloween costume. What are your excuses? 1.3382 0.04042 204 146 47 11
751 Everyone, this is Richard. Richard, would you like to wake up? 1.3375 0.04766 160 117 32 11
752 Night terrors, say hello to Benjamin. He’s an Ivy League legacy who doesn’t believe in climate change and he man-splains! 1.3371 0.04553 175 128 35 12
753 I told you that humans were not a legend ! 1.3367 0.04228 199 145 41 13
754 Still. . .the gift wrapping is a nice touch. 1.3367 0.04106 199 143 45 11
755 His wife swears he's a monster between the sheets. 1.3367 0.04288 199 146 39 14
756 The motion carries: Bob can join the board in 5,000 years provided he evolves. 1.3367 0.04168 199 144 43 12
757 Which one of you invited the freak? 1.3367 0.04405 199 148 35 16
758 Let's be clear. Mr. Brown is our dinner guest, not the dinner. 1.3367 0.04106 199 143 45 11
759 Remember: If you do not make eye contact, it can't hurt you. 1.3367 0.04044 199 142 46 10
760 So, you say you were the little boy! So, tell us... which one of us is Puff the Magic Dragon? 1.3367 0.04228 199 145 41 13
761 I agree, I couldn’t eat him either. It’s salads for lunch. 1.3367 0.04106 199 143 45 11
762 Don't get excited, my butler is a robot!" 1.3367 0.04106 199 143 45 11
763 Nothing to fear, folks: He's OUR accountant." 1.3367 0.04168 199 144 43 12
764 Let's give a warm welcome to William, our new Chief Diversity Officer. 1.3367 0.03917 199 140 51 8
765 Our general counsel is here to advise us that our diversity policy has gone too far. 1.3367 0.04044 199 142 47 10
766 We got him as the result of a quid pro bro. 1.3367 0.04518 199 150 31 18
767 I find that vegans are healthier and taste better too. 1.3367 0.04462 199 149 33 17
768 As part of a diversity outreach program, please welcome, Ken. He’s white, middle aged, and boring. 1.3367 0.04044 199 142 47 10
769 Separate checks I presume? 1.3367 0.03981 199 141 49 9
770 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Thomas. He is the sole surviving member of the human race. He was found clinging to the top of the Empire State Building at low tide. He is going to help us with our global cooling problem. 1.3352 0.04547 179 132 34 13
771 Welcome to your Intervention, Mark. 1.3352 0.04547 179 132 34 13
772 Let's ask an end user. 1.3350 0.04374 197 146 36 15
773 In the interests of diversity, I vote to include the uptight guy in the funny clothes. 1.3350 0.03938 197 139 50 8
774 ...and that’s why my planet is the best. 1.3350 0.04193 197 143 42 12
775 Please welcome Ted to our team and let's make him feel comfortable. 1.3350 0.03872 197 141 48 8
776 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to introduce our new human resources officer. 1.3350 0.04068 197 141 46 10
777 Great, another diversity hire. 1.3350 0.04254 197 144 40 13
778 These ones are in stock and are just peel and eat. 1.3350 0.04193 197 143 42 12
779 Everyone, this is Steve. He'll be our working lunch today" 1.3350 0.04254 197 144 40 13
780 Raise your hand if you are undocumented. 1.3350 0.04193 197 143 42 12
781 He didn't drink the kool aid... 1.3350 0.04089 200 144 45 11
782 The investors say our Board needs more white men. 1.3350 0.03965 200 142 49 9
783 Everybody, this is lunch. Lunch, everybody. 1.3333 0.04403 195 145 35 15
784 Bob is our new director of nonhuman resources. 1.3333 0.04027 195 139 47 9
785 We’re sorry Ted, but we just don’t think this company needs a director of human resources. 1.3333 0.04342 195 144 37 14
786 I would like to introduce our new workplace therapy pet. 1.3333 0.04521 168 122 36 10
787 Pete from maintenance is here to buff the claw marks out of the table. 1.3333 0.04027 195 139 47 9
788 Everybody, please welcome Sam. Sam's here today to talk about workplace diversity. 1.3333 0.05040 126 90 30 6
789 So, I see, the President's cabinet has changed once again. 1.3333 0.04156 195 143 39 12
790 Another winner, Brad. But the costume party is tomorrow night. 1.3333 0.04342 195 144 37 14
791 Meet our new diversity officer. 1.3333 0.04812 165 123 29 13
792 I saw him using plastic straws. What a monster. 1.3333 0.04826 168 126 28 14
793 This is the type of monster we're marketing to. 1.3333 0.04735 165 122 31 12
794 Any ideas on how we can spin the side effects of our new cbd product? 1.3333 0.04579 195 148 29 18
795 Who wants to hear a racist joke? 1.3333 0.04676 168 124 32 12
796 He is on loan from the Smithsonian. 1.3333 0.04219 195 142 41 12
797 Look, diversity is important, but enough is enough. 1.3333 0.04495 165 119 37 9
798 Let’s table that discussion for now. I see lunch has arrived. 1.3333 0.04156 195 141 43 11
799 I present you with the future of evolution! 1.3333 0.04027 195 139 47 9
800 Should we put him on the board or on the menu? 1.3333 0.04281 195 143 39 13
801 There is always somebody that doesn’t read the memo!! 1.3333 0.04219 195 142 41 12
802 Psst! Check out the illegal alien! 1.3333 0.04219 195 142 41 12
803 Meet Ed, our new warm-blooded, opposable-thumbed representative! 1.3333 0.04027 195 139 47 9
804 In light of recent events, Bill will handle all future walk-in customers. 1.3316 0.04245 193 141 40 12
805 You said “dress up” for Halloween 1.3316 0.04050 193 138 46 9
806 Hi everybody. This is Stephen Miller and I think he'll really fit in here. 1.3316 0.04370 193 143 36 14
807 He's an accomplished attorney who's successfully defended many "under the bed" cases 1.3316 0.04116 193 139 44 10
808 I vote we eat him. 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
809 Bob is from Human Resources. 1.3299 0.04163 194 141 42 11
810 I am so proud to introduce 2019's "monster-of-the-year," a straight white male human. 1.3299 0.04412 194 145 34 15
811 OK, we all agree, he's a perfect fit for us. 1.3299 0.04289 194 145 35 14
812 Exqelbub, could you explain Casual Fridays to our new intern, Gene? 1.3299 0.03829 194 136 52 6
813 Nice costume, Steve. 1.3299 0.04289 194 143 38 13
814 And the scariest monster this week is Bob, our auditor. 1.3299 0.04033 194 139 46 9
815 Everyone, this is Malcom, our diversity candidate. 1.3299 0.03687 194 145 38 9
816 He may not look like much, but his greed is terrifying. 1.3296 0.04466 179 132 35 12
817 Under pressure from the P.C. crowd, I'm introducing our first human board member. Please don't eat him. 1.3281 0.04056 192 138 45 9
818 Be nice. It's the hors d'oeuvre. 1.3281 0.04188 192 140 41 11
819 Now, Jordan might not have what it takes "looks-wise" to hide out under anyone's bed, but when you hear what he's done in the private equity sector you're sure to agree he's a greater monster than any of us! 1.3281 0.04379 192 143 35 14
820 Harry here is willing to join our Board as a representative from the human race if we pass an amendment to not eat him. 1.3281 0.04253 192 141 39 12
821 We always look this way before coffee. 1.3281 0.04188 192 140 41 11
822 And the Republican senators continued to act as if there was nothing sordid about themselves and their colleagues. 1.3281 0.04379 192 143 35 14
823 They're called humans. Give it a chance, it's an acquired taste. 1.3281 0.03988 192 137 47 8
824 He's from Corporate. Anyone hungry? 1.3281 0.04056 192 138 45 9
825 I promised diversity 1.3281 0.03919 192 136 49 7
826 Trust me, he can be a real monster. 1.3281 0.04441 192 144 33 15
827 This is George. Isn't he cute? He's on the endangered species list. 1.3280 0.04364 189 140 36 13
828 I want you all to meet my son, and I know what you’re thinking. A chip off the old block. 1.3280 0.04364 189 140 36 13
829 Well, he’s who we invited for lunch and we can’t work on empty stomachs. 1.3280 0.04428 189 141 34 14
830 Dave, why are you the only one wearing clothes? 1.3272 0.04620 162 119 33 10
831 I'd like you to meet my son-in-law. 1.3270 0.04846 159 119 28 12
832 He's the exception that proves the rule. 1.3270 0.04416 159 114 38 7
833 Pull out another chair and restart the music. 1.3267 0.04682 150 113 27 10
834 He's not imaginary. He's real. 1.3263 0.04214 190 139 40 11
835 We abducted him from a Charles Addams cartoon. 1.3263 0.04214 190 139 40 11
836 "As part of our relentless quest for diversity, I now present Morty from Accounting." 1.3263 0.04147 190 138 42 10
837 Charles is going to lead us in a team-building exercise. 1.3263 0.04214 190 139 40 11
838 Good Morning, Mr. President. 1.3263 0.04214 190 139 40 11
839 Who wants a snack? 1.3263 0.04080 190 137 44 9
840 And now, I've asked Jeffrey from HR to talk to us about improving diversity in our workforce. 1.3262 0.04259 187 137 39 11
841 Personally I’m glad they drained the swamp, this is much nicer meeting place. 1.3262 0.04326 187 138 37 12
842 He used to work for the Donald. He said he thought this would be a more pleasant work environment. 1.3262 0.04584 187 142 29 16
843 Welcome to Star Wars 10: Return of the Rabbi 1.3262 0.04259 187 137 39 11
844 Now, let's put our fins, claws, and vestigial limbs together to welcome George, our new director of diversity. 1.3262 0.04259 187 137 39 11
845 And now Stan Zelinski will tell us how we can boost sales by practicing our people skills. 1.3262 0.04122 187 135 43 9
846 No, he’s the new intern, not lunch. 1.3262 0.04122 187 135 43 9
847 Who invited Dr. Suess ? 1.3245 0.04173 188 137 41 10
848 Please welcome our new Diversity Training Manager. 1.3245 0.04240 188 138 39 11
849 Which one of you guy's seahorse is double parked? 1.3243 0.04620 148 107 34 7
850 Did anyone invite a cis white male? 1.3243 0.04620 148 107 34 7
851 Here he comes....be prepared for some biting remarks! 1.3243 0.04003 185 132 46 7
852 We're bringing in a new terror: IRS auditor. 1.3243 0.04354 185 137 36 12
853 He says they’ll pay us if we dig up some dirt on Biden and his son. 1.3243 0.04552 185 140 30 15
854 Han Solo is waiting at the bar. Let's wrap this up! 1.3242 0.04191 182 132 41 9
855 And...We also have a Gluten free, Plant based menu!! 1.3242 0.04403 182 135 35 12
856 Be sure to use the appropriate pronouns. 1.3242 0.04334 182 134 37 11
857 Ladies and gentlemen, mutation is the key to our evolution. 1.3242 0.04334 182 134 37 11
858 Quick, quick - let’s delete the fossil record before the extinction event! 1.3242 0.04334 182 134 37 11
859 He would like a lease/option on our planet. 1.3242 0.04472 182 136 33 13
860 Sorry, no illegal aliens allowed! 1.3242 0.04191 182 132 41 9
861 We need more diversity on this board. A few humans in our ranks might help us getting government contracts. 1.3242 0.04191 182 132 41 9
862 The purpose of today's meeting is how to make us more relevant in the 21st century. 1.3242 0.04118 182 131 43 8
863 ...so Roger's audit shows we can cut costs by hiding in kids' dressers and under nightstands instead. 1.3242 0.04671 182 139 27 16
864 Sorry, Man, your species is still too destructive. We’ll check back in a few millennia when you’ve had more time to mature. 1.3241 0.04682 145 105 33 7
865 This is little Johnny, all grown up now. Do you remember hiding under his bed at night? 1.3222 0.04290 180 132 38 10
866 Well, once he looses the suit he will fit right in. 1.3222 0.04218 180 131 40 9
867 For some reason, George had a gnawing feeling that his coworkers' Halloween costumes looked a bit too real. 1.3222 0.04218 180 131 40 9
868 This gentleman is recruiting for the White House staff. 1.3222 0.04362 180 133 36 11
869 None of you have been selected for juror service 1.3222 0.04362 180 133 36 11
870 I know he's ugly but, he taste like chicken! 1.3222 0.04502 180 135 32 13
871 Yes Mr. Jones, it is in fact a scales meeting. 1.3222 0.04362 180 133 36 11
872 Oh good, lunch has arrived. 1.3222 0.04218 180 131 39 9
873 Maybe we can hire him for voiceovers. 1.3222 0.04218 180 131 40 9
874 This year we've got to go easier on Herbie from 14th st. He's been peeing his bed since last Halloween. 1.3222 0.04571 180 136 30 14
875 Well, my ex considers me a monster. 1.3222 0.04502 180 135 32 13
876 And finally, if Mort has everyone's coffee orders, I'll ask those with claws to stop scratching the table. 1.3222 0.04362 180 133 36 11
877 Mr. Perkins here will now serve as breakfast. 1.3222 0.04143 180 130 42 8
878 I see lunch has arrived, let’s take a quick break 1.3222 0.04290 180 132 38 10
879 I didn't expect our lunch to be delivered so quickly. 1.3222 0.04362 180 133 36 11
880 Roger here would like us to do him a favor though before he takes us to his leader. 1.3222 0.04362 180 133 36 11
881 Dave here has concerns that we’ve alienated him... 1.3222 0.04068 180 129 44 7
882 To my left is our first office pet, Fred. 1.3221 0.04392 149 106 38 5
883 Is there something on my face? 1.3205 0.04811 156 117 28 11
884 I'd like to introduce you all to Bob. This is his first day here at Nuclear Solutions, LLC 1.3205 0.04636 156 115 32 9
885 Kid's imaginary friends just aren't what they used to be. 1.3203 0.04605 153 112 33 8
886 Here to present his excuses is Timmy, who as a child, used to scare us all by hiding under our beds. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
887 It looks like our lunch has arrived. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
888 We picked Jim to represent us in our ad campaign for more nuclear reactors. 1.3202 0.04603 178 135 29 14
889 I've hired him to figure out why our sales numbers are so low. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
890 United Nations, Circa 2049 1.3202 0.04391 178 132 35 11
891 Fortunately for us, Vinnie here is just about the best dang immigration attorney in the tri-star area. 1.3202 0.04463 178 133 33 12
892 Great Costume.... 1.3202 0.04092 178 128 43 7
893 First, we have a presentation from corporate by Ted, and then we'll break for lunch, which is Ted. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
894 Though technically a mammal, Dave is a lawyer with a wonderful reptilian disposition! 1.3202 0.04533 178 134 31 13
895 No, this is Gary from Accounts Receivable. Lunch will be here at Noon. 1.3202 0.04391 178 132 35 11
896 The swamp got drained and this is all that was left. 1.3202 0.04463 178 133 33 12
897 I'll have the waiter, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti! 1.3202 0.04391 178 132 35 11
898 Don't let his looks fool you. He's very good with computers. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
899 Don’t give me that look. I told you yesterday we were going to have Bob for dinner this evening. 1.3202 0.04533 178 134 31 13
900 Welcome to your nightmare board meeting. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
901 Seriously? Those are your pronouns? 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
902 I'd like to introduce Frank, head of our Diversity Hiring Initiative. 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
903 Stan is here from Nonhuman Resources to review our policy on office romances. 1.3202 0.04391 178 132 35 11
904 I think it's fair to say that this species cannot be regarded as intelligent. So we continue to use it for our medical tests. 1.3202 0.04169 178 129 41 8
905 You can tell that kangaroo on the bench that we have reached a verdict. 1.3202 0.04463 178 133 33 12
906 Gentlemen, as you know, I will stepping down as Chairman of the Frights and Seizures Committee. I would like to introduce my replacement, Steve Mnuchin. 1.3202 0.04671 178 136 27 15
907 Yes, I'm sure he's prepared to answer questions about pre-existing conditions. 1.3202 0.04013 178 127 45 6
908 This is Ned, try not to stare. 1.3202 0.04092 178 128 43 7
909 Okay, who ordered the appetizer? 1.3202 0.04318 178 131 37 10
910 Well, gentlemen, I see lunch is here. I took the liberty of ordering us a Thirty-Two-Year-Old Architect from Poughkeepsie. 1.3202 0.04244 178 130 39 9
911 I realize that for some of you it’ll be harder to see eye to eye on this... 1.3202 0.04092 178 128 43 7
912 Legal says we have to start wearing clothes. 1.3202 0.04169 178 129 41 8
913 Everyone welcome Edwin, the marginalized minority representative for our new corporate diversity training program 1.3202 0.04463 178 133 33 12
914 Community bathrooms it is. 1.3202 0.04463 178 133 33 12
915 He says they’ll change us back if we find some emails. 1.3202 0.04244 178 130 39 9
916 Yes, but wait 'til you see his truck collection! 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
917 Meet our new diversity hire, Kevin. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
918 ...next: the U.K.'s referendum to leave the planetary system. 1.3182 0.04493 176 132 32 12
919 Bob's company helps organizations like ours think 'outside the closet'. 1.3182 0.04493 176 132 32 12
920 I want to introduce you to a delicious new member of our team, Gary. 1.3182 0.04116 176 127 42 7
921 It's casual Friday, bonehead. 1.3182 0.04271 176 129 38 9
922 This meeting of the Dr. Seuss rejects will come to order. 1.3182 0.04271 176 129 38 9
923 Oh good, I see our snack’s arrived. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
924 Say hello to the new guy from a galaxy far far away. 1.3182 0.04116 176 127 42 7
925 As you can see, lunch has arrived, so this would be a good time to break. 1.3182 0.04194 176 128 40 8
926 Anybody order vanilla? 1.3182 0.04194 176 128 40 8
927 OK, OK, next time we order pizza. 1.3182 0.04194 176 128 40 8
928 We just captured the last earthling. Shall we break for lunch? 1.3182 0.04271 176 129 38 9
929 Naturally, the board is always glad to see the stockholders. 1.3182 0.04420 176 131 34 11
930 This is Mr. Smith from the NAACP. We’ll use their charter and bylaws for our new non-profit, the Universal Association for the Advancement of Multi-colored People. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
931 Dave realizes having that last mushroom omelet at Burning Man was a bad idea. 1.3182 0.04194 176 128 40 8
932 ... and this is our new meat lovers option 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
933 Stay out of Trump’s nightmares, you can’t compete! 1.3182 0.04493 176 132 32 12
934 Say hello to Sam. He cast the bar scene for Star Wars. Let' hear what he's working on now. 1.3182 0.04194 176 130 37 9
935 Marvin is our new diversity hire. 1.3182 0.04194 176 130 37 9
936 Yes he's strange but the organization requires diversity. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
937 Obviously, he didn't realize we operate a nudist camp. 1.3182 0.04420 176 131 34 11
938 Diversity can be challenging, I admit it. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
939 He’s our affirmative action candidate. 1.3182 0.04036 176 128 41 7
940 So, which one of you is in Human Resources? 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
941 Fred is our new Indigenous Peoples intern. 1.3182 0.04036 176 126 44 6
942 It finally happened. One of them finally made it to our galaxy. 1.3182 0.04194 176 128 40 8
943 Do you believe in the effects of global warming now? 1.3182 0.04116 176 127 42 7
944 Steve brings new blood into the Kitchen Cabinet. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
945 Welcome to the White House! Rule #1, everything is beautiful. 1.3182 0.04493 176 132 32 12
946 He doesn't have the dessert menu, he is the dessert menu. 1.3182 0.04493 176 132 32 12
947 Did you hear the one about the Ukrainian comedian and the reality game show host? 1.3182 0.04705 176 135 26 15
948 Dave hopes our team will help scare up new business. 1.3182 0.03955 176 125 46 5
949 Who's in favor of having Alfred for dinner? 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
950 The results are in. The side effects are worse than the cure. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
951 What's he doing here? I heard they were all extinct! 1.3182 0.04271 176 129 38 9
952 He responded to our Monster.com ad. 1.3182 0.04420 176 131 34 11
953 Who ordered the accountant special for lunch? 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
954 Let’s give him some slack. He’s only human. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
955 Chuck gives our corporate culture humanity. 1.3182 0.04194 176 128 40 8
956 Although Frank doesn't seem to mind, for legal reasons, HR needs you to stop referring to him as human scum. 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
957 Yes, he's a man, a myth, AND a legend. 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
958 This is Stanley. He gets it. 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
959 He’ll be able to market our products to a whole new demographic. 1.3161 0.04060 174 125 42 6
960 Everybody, this is Joe. He'll be lunch. 1.3161 0.04450 174 130 33 11
961 Guys, this is Neil. Neil is a reality- based life form from our office in Scranton. 1.3161 0.04141 174 126 41 7
962 Don't stare. He's only a lawyer. 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
963 Fred from H.R. is here to talk to us about workplace diversity. 1.3161 0.04259 174 130 34 10
964 "This is John from the Pentagon; he's here to pick our reptilian brains." 1.3161 0.04375 174 132 31 11
965 Look at the new guy. Striped tie. Really? 1.3161 0.04141 174 126 41 7
966 The White House has asked us to come up with a better plan to stop aliens at our borders. 1.3161 0.04739 174 134 25 15
967 The stockholders want a more diverse board. All those in favor of Osborn say or grunt 'aye' 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
968 Charles, here, will help with our diversity initiative. 1.3161 0.04220 174 127 39 8
969 The Corporate Board for Where the Wild Things Are 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
970 He will provide the diversity we need 1.3161 0.04141 174 126 41 7
971 He's going to teach us how to make people think we aren't monsters. 1.3161 0.04060 174 125 43 6
972 Oh for crying out loud, Bob! We said no costumes for the October board meeting! 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
973 Of course he's a monster. He charges 2% fees and under performs the market... 1.3161 0.04450 174 130 33 11
974 And here is Max in his wolf of Wall Street suit to lead us on a wild rumpus through the derivatives market. 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
975 Yes, he looks harmless, but he’s a demon on Twitter. 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
976 And for kids who don't scare easy, Fred here offers low introductory rates on student loans. 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
977 ... and Francis here is the new head of sales for our Planet Earth division. 1.3161 0.04060 174 125 43 6
978 It’s unanimous. We’ll refill the swamp. 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
979 He says he’s here to find a unicorn. 1.3161 0.04450 174 130 33 11
980 You're here to represent the most screwed up species in your galaxy. 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
981 Do we have any more criticisms for our genetic engineer? 1.3161 0.04375 174 129 35 10
982 Lets give a cold welcome to our newest associate on the earth account. 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
983 Phil will be overseeing Human Resources, so we never run out again. 1.3161 0.04809 174 135 23 16
984 Legal has OK'd franchising Area 51. 1.3161 0.04220 174 127 39 8
985 Fensterwald here has just informed me that we're no longer on the endangered species list but we won't survive climate change. 1.3161 0.04375 174 129 35 10
986 When they are properly dressed they taste good. 1.3147 0.04593 143 104 33 6
987 Who’s ready for lunch? 1.3143 0.04428 175 131 33 11
988 Please, join us on...er...I mean, at the table. 1.3143 0.04041 175 126 43 6
989 All in favor of hiring the aberration,​ signify with a guttural sound. 1.3143 0.04354 175 130 35 10
990 Even with all us monsters gathered 'round the table, it's hard to ignore the Republican. 1.3143 0.04871 140 104 28 8
991 I’d like to address the man in the room. 1.3143 0.04354 175 130 35 10
992 Introducing our latest member, Warren. I agree these humans don’t look scary at first but you should see what they’re capable of doing to each other! 1.3140 0.04326 172 127 36 9
993 I hope you've all registered your dietary restrictions with Mr. Tillis. 1.3140 0.04247 172 126 38 8
994 We tried to find a black woman candidate. Would you settle for a gay white guy? 1.3134 0.05341 134 103 20 11
995 The human here will call the meeting to order, as well as phylum, class, and species. 1.3125 0.05258 144 112 19 13
996 Rick, welcome to the Trump Cabinet. 1.3121 0.04679 173 133 26 14
997 The Earthling bears a request from his nation's leader – that we abduct a human named Pelosi. 1.3121 0.04607 173 134 25 13
998 This is Norm, from HR. He's about to be your worst nightmare. 1.3121 0.04458 173 130 32 11
999 Any dietary restrictions? 1.3121 0.04382 173 131 31 11
1000 We wasted no time in implementing our company’s new diversity mandate. 1.3121 0.04533 173 131 30 12
1001 In keeping with our policy for diversity, please welcome our new member. 1.3121 0.04305 173 128 36 9
1002 Bob will be joining the board -his scare tactics on Fox News has really opened up a new demographic for us. 1.3121 0.04607 173 132 28 13
1003 Somebody forgot it's dress-down Friday! 1.3121 0.04226 173 127 38 8
1004 Arthur has agreed to stay for lunch. 1.3121 0.04382 173 129 34 10
1005 Lewis, everyone feels awkward when you ignore Casual Friday! 1.3121 0.04533 173 131 30 12
1006 we are having budget problems and corporate wants to know which one of you is going extinct first 1.3121 0.05243 141 109 20 12
1007 I know what you're thinking, and no, he's not a dentist. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
1008 Musical chairs is an excellent way to determine which species goes extinct next. We’ll play again next Thursday. 1.3114 0.04645 167 127 28 12
1009 And if each of you would introduce yourself and please ... your pronouns. 1.3114 0.04406 167 124 34 9
1010 Don’t worry Bill, we’re a family here at the Chernobyl branch. Give it some time, and you’ll fit right in. 1.3114 0.04323 167 123 36 8
1011 C'mon guys, act dumb. The human is coming. 1.3103 0.04746 145 108 29 8
1012 We heard that you help aliens get citizenship. 1.3103 0.04324 145 104 37 4
1013 I'm sure we will all help Jim adapt and thrive in our corporate culture. 1.3099 0.04171 171 125 39 7
1014 Welcome to the first meeting of our Employee Diversification Committee... 1.3095 0.04621 168 128 28 12
1015 Alright, let's begin the annual meeting of citizens for clean air and water 1.3095 0.04301 168 124 36 8
1016 All those in favor of adding the Reagan Democrat to the Mythical Creatures Club say "aye". 1.3095 0.04383 168 125 34 9
1017 I think we can all agree that we're not monsters, we're merely representing our client's desires. 1.3095 0.04383 168 125 34 9
1018 Everyone, meet our new Director of Human Resources. 1.3095 0.04543 168 127 30 11
1019 Please welcome Bob from Accounting. 1.3095 0.04383 168 125 34 9
1020 Now let’s all welcome our new diversity intern Glen! 1.3095 0.04383 168 125 34 9
1021 Gentleman, this is my new assistant, out of Washington. He's gotten used to dealing with monsters and pretending he didn't hear anything scary. 1.3091 0.04599 165 125 29 11
1022 Stuart here is a politician. Ya'll need to up your game. 1.3091 0.04435 165 123 33 9
1023 Tom from HR is here to remind everyone to ask first then scare. 1.3091 0.04266 165 121 37 7
1024 I asked our auditor to join today's meeting to discuss our plan to obliterate the galaxy and to provide a written evaluation on whether it meets best practices. 1.3091 0.04435 165 123 33 9
1025 Gentlemen meet Larry, our new VP of Diversity 1.3091 0.04266 165 121 37 7
1026 Say hello to our diversity hire. 1.3091 0.04266 165 121 37 7
1027 Say, "Hello," to our new Director of Diversity, Jimmy. 1.3091 0.04089 165 119 41 5
1028 Lunch? 1.3091 0.04266 165 121 37 7
1029 After seeing us individually under your bed, you get to see us all together now... 1.3091 0.04089 165 119 41 5
1030 Steve is our new diversity hire. 1.3091 0.04266 165 121 37 7
1031 I told him we were wearing our birthday suits 1.3091 0.04351 165 122 35 8
1032 I think I liked the swamp better. 1.3091 0.04351 165 122 35 8
1033 Guys, meet our newest member. He goes by The Wolf of Wall Street. 1.3091 0.04599 165 125 29 11
1034 I gathered you here to see what ancient man looks like. 1.3091 0.04679 165 126 27 12
1035 To begin with, may I introduce our amuse-bouche 1.3091 0.04679 165 126 27 12
1036 As you know, today we begin phase five of Exposure therapy. 1.3088 0.05168 136 104 22 10
1037 We’re getting married! 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1038 Everyone welcome our foreign exchange intern! 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1039 Welcome Joe, everyone, he's an Earthling and was hired through our alien guest worker program" 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1040 Let’s give a warm welcome to our latest candidate for extinction! 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1041 Steg, quit drooling. Mr. Smith is not here for lunch. 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1042 He guarantees things are finally heating up on earth. 1.3081 0.04232 172 127 37 8
1043 Credentials, what d'ya mean credentials, he worked for Trump. All in favor say Covfefe . .. . 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1044 We're all different. No jokes about the guy in the tie. 1.3081 0.04616 172 132 27 13
1045 Are there not limits to our Diversity and Inclusion initiative? 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1046 We finally found our chameleon. 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1047 Ah! Here comes the freak... 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1048 The question is "How diverse do we want to be?" 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1049 Meet Walter, our new director of Diversity. 1.3081 0.04232 172 127 37 8
1050 Please welcome our first HUMAN resources director. 1.3081 0.04232 172 127 37 8
1051 First order of business: stop scratching the table. 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1052 ...And just when they think they can't get more terrified... BAM... we hit'em with Reginald from Legal..... 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1053 I found him, but you can name him. 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1054 Our newest Cabinet member reminds me of how most of you looked on your first day! 1.3081 0.04232 172 127 37 8
1055 We need to bring diversity to the board room. 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1056 I guess no one told him it was casual Friday. 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1057 Here to explain 'veganism', let's all welcome Phil from Earth. 1.3081 0.04232 172 127 37 8
1058 POTUS will be here shortly and then we can started. Mitch you look great. 1.3081 0.04466 172 130 31 11
1059 This is either the new guy or lunch. 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1060 Stop drooling.he's our attorney. 1.3081 0.03983 172 124 43 5
1061 Here comes lunch 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1062 Bob is an architect who specializes in monstrosities. 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1063 When I said your personalities should reflect your appearances, I was just joking. 1.3081 0.04466 172 130 31 11
1064 Tom has joined us today to discuss the difference between diversity and inclusion. 1.3081 0.04151 172 126 39 7
1065 I think we've clearly met the organization's demand for diversity! 1.3081 0.04616 172 132 27 13
1066 Clothes make the man. 1.3081 0.04232 172 127 37 8
1067 Lunch has arrived. I call dibs on a leg. 1.3077 0.04280 169 125 36 8
1068 I’m against it. Next thing you know, he’ll be asking for a separate water fountain. 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1069 All those in favour of a hostile takeover hiss now. 1.3077 0.04441 169 127 32 10
1070 So, shall we let this gentleman in our ark? 1.3071 0.05058 140 107 23 10
1071 As I said before: He works here...He is not desert 1.3071 0.05159 140 108 21 11
1072 Much to his embarrassment Fred remembered it was casual Friday 1.3071 0.05185 127 96 23 8
1073 This is Charles. I'm pleased to announce that he has decided to join us instead of the Trump Administration. 1.3067 0.04713 163 125 26 12
1074 Now I'd like to introduce to you someone we'd all like to eat-- woops, I mean meet. 1.3067 0.04713 163 125 26 12
1075 Joe is part of our diversity initiative. 1.3067 0.04113 163 118 40 5
1076 Gentlemen! we have decided to outsource 1.3067 0.04113 163 118 40 5
1077 Trump’s cabinet 2023 1.3067 0.04713 163 125 26 12
1078 Attention: The StarWars bar scene alumni association meeting will come to order. 1.3067 0.04380 163 121 34 8
1079 Fellow Demons, our newest board member... Martin Shkreli 1.3067 0.04871 163 127 22 14
1080 It’s about this wall you want to build on Saturn and get Jupiter to pay for. 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1081 I've asked John here, from marketing, to fill us in on this year's United Way campaign. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
1082 Don’t panic, it’s only his Halloween costume. 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1083 Who brought the snack? 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1084 You'll remember Max as a boy when he was our king. Now he's joing Wild Things Inc. as an intern. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
1085 Please welcome Ned to our creative team for his much-needed out of the box perspective. 1.3067 0.04380 163 121 34 8
1086 Mr. Smythe: We have considered your request for membership and have decided that you just don't fit in. 1.3067 0.04466 163 122 32 9
1087 Another rookie! We'll eat this guy for lunch! 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
1088 Be nice to him, most of his kind died from the asteroid. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
1089 Only one? For all of us to split? 1.3067 0.04204 163 119 38 6
1090 Any guesses on how many there used to be? 1.3067 0.04204 163 119 38 6
1091 The law says we must have at least one male on the board. 1.3067 0.04380 163 121 34 8
1092 Up next is Paul, who wants to offer a contrarian view regarding our global annihilation strategy. 1.3067 0.04380 163 121 34 8
1093 In light of recent events, Tom will be leading a mandatory Human Sensitivity Training this afternoon. 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1094 Looks like lunch has arrived. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
1095 Barney, didn't you get the memo? No white-face on Halloween. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
1096 This is our management consultant Irving. If we don’t like the direction he’s taking us, he’ll pair nicely with a bold Cabernet. 1.3067 0.04466 163 122 32 9
1097 Honestly, guys, alien privilege is a thing now. 1.3067 0.04380 163 120 34 8
1098 Will the the post climate change society please come to order 1.3067 0.04466 163 122 32 9
1099 Must be a legacy. 1.3067 0.04466 163 122 32 9
1100 Bill quickly realized he was the diversity hire. 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1101 The OSHA inspector is here to check on that hissing noise. 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1102 This is Roger. He'll be reviewing our immigration compliance policies. 1.3067 0.04113 163 118 39 5
1103 Meet Bob. Bob is our diversity hire. 1.3064 0.04290 173 129 35 9
1104 And the best monster award goes to Ed the Juul marketing executive. 1.3064 0.04665 173 134 25 14
1105 Remember the kid from ‘E.T.’? 1.3064 0.04211 173 128 37 8
1106 Meet John from Central Casting 1.3064 0.04519 173 132 29 12
1107 It even smells like plants when you cook it! 1.3064 0.04048 173 126 41 6
1108 Is this the Trump Cabinet meeting? 1.3060 0.05425 134 105 17 12
1109 This is the new company psychologist. 1.3053 0.04584 131 95 32 4
1110 This company is not creature binary. 1.3053 0.04833 131 97 28 6
1111 This is Bob from HR. He will be reviewing the dress code policy with us today. 1.3050 0.04821 141 106 27 8
1112 We will have a Vegan platter, Thank you 1.3049 0.04357 164 122 34 8
1113 His last name is Monster. Close enough. 1.3049 0.04357 164 122 34 8
1114 I'd like introduce our new head of human resources. 1.3043 0.04230 161 118 37 6
1115 And now Dan from HR will present on the importance of not eating humans. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
1116 This meeting of 'Where the Wild Things Are' will now begin. 1.3043 0.04410 161 123 30 8
1117 Three humans come into a bar... 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1118 Let me introduce Larry, the newest member of our nightmare squad. He majored in Realizing Your Homework Is Past Due and wrote a thesis on showing up to class naked. Welcome, Larry. 1.3043 0.04666 161 123 27 11
1119 Why is Blorg the only one of you dressed for Casual Friday? 1.3043 0.04749 161 124 25 12
1120 And you wear that every day? 1.3043 0.04137 161 117 39 5
1121 And next on the menu - I mean agenda - is... 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1122 You must be the special. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1123 To keep our finger on the pulse of the market, I've invited one of our customers to join the board. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
1124 Trust me guys. Jerry used to work for the IRS, he'll fit right in. 1.3043 0.04230 161 118 36 6
1125 We are here to celebrate the success of our diversity program! 1.3043 0.03743 161 121 36 4
1126 OK, now before we get started with the meeting, do you want thighs, legs or arms? 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1127 Ok. Who order the business man lunch? 1.3043 0.04749 161 124 25 12
1128 Let's eat--oops, meet--our new diversity officer. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1129 Okay . . . now Dennis here is going to talk to us about our homo sapien harassment policy. 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1130 We're grooming him for the Earth presidency. 1.3043 0.04321 161 119 35 7
1131 OK... Everyone take a turn and tell President Trump how much you like him! 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
1132 The Area 51 subcommittee welcomes the new Director of NASA who will explain why we are a hoax 1.3043 0.04321 161 119 35 7
1133 See? Just a few taps on the phone and food comes right to you. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1134 I've hired Simpson here to advise you on your wardrobes. 1.3043 0.04666 161 123 27 11
1135 I think I used to hide under your bed. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
1136 You call this a diversity hire? 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1137 They told him he'd never work on that planet again! But let me just say the MIT Media Lab's loss is our gain! Please welcome... 1.3043 0.04666 161 123 27 11
1138 Please welcome Bob, the honest politician, to our group of rare and unusual beings. 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1139 I remind you of our commitment to diversity and inclusion. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1140 Can I keep him? He followed me home! 1.3043 0.03845 161 120 36 5
1141 First how about if we get all your pronouns straight? 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1142 I know! , I know! He's my brother in law 1.3043 0.04321 161 119 35 7
1143 Whoa boy! There’s one in every crowd. 1.3043 0.04321 161 119 35 7
1144 That adjourns the area 51 tenant's meeting. 1.3043 0.04230 161 118 37 6
1145 Dr. Seuss wasn't available, but he did send his attorney, Mel. 1.3043 0.04137 161 125 27 9
1146 Look, I know he is unbelievably ugly, but give him a chance. 1.3043 0.04909 161 126 21 14
1147 OK, we're diversified. Now what? 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1148 The new hire will let us break into the human market and meet affirmative action. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
1149 He's the new guy from human resources 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1150 Through the gig economy, we can staff a position under every child's bed. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
1151 This is Benny...he’s weirder than he looks. 1.3043 0.04042 161 116 41 4
1152 Let's just hit him with the budget deficit, the 'boo' is redundant. 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1153 Our campaign should stress there is no conclusive scientific evidence of any side effects 1.3043 0.04137 161 117 38 5
1154 Of course it's over the top, but the market's ready for something bizarre. 1.3043 0.04230 161 123 29 9
1155 Shrague,here,is going to talk to us about genetic mutations. 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
1156 With the new Secretary for Housing and Urban Development,I think this will be the best Cabinet ever. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
1157 I want to introduce our new CEO. Mr Al Lien. 1.3043 0.04554 138 101 32 5
1158 There’s something you don’t see often, a man in a suit on casual Friday. 1.3037 0.04850 135 101 27 7
1159 Paralyzed, Billy remembered he forgot to lock his front door this morning. 1.3023 0.05459 129 101 17 11
1160 Though he might seem like a strange fit for us, Ted’s last gig was with the Department of Motor Vehicles. 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
1161 Franklin says we should start the invasion in America. Apparently, their leader isn't very brave. 1.3023 0.04873 129 96 27 6
1162 Is there anything scarier than a white man? 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
1163 Ok, so that's three children on rye, four children on whole wheat and one tuna melt. 1.3023 0.05116 129 98 23 8
1164 Well, it all started with microdosing, then I just kept increasing the dosage... 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
1165 Let's all welcome Jared, the new Secretary of the Swamp. 1.3023 0.05116 129 98 23 8
1166 And you're suggesting a PR nightmare would be a bad thing? 1.3023 0.05116 129 98 23 8
1167 Waiter, seven monster drinks. 1.3019 0.04867 159 124 22 13
1168 I know, but HR said we needed more diversity. 1.3019 0.04349 159 120 31 8
1169 Whose turn is it to eat the new guy for lunch " 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1170 Good evening Distinguished Creatures, George has hired us to terrify his son. Lizzy you lurk in the closet and Blobby you slither under the bed." 1.3019 0.04701 159 122 26 11
1171 All in favor 1.3019 0.03760 159 125 26 6
1172 It's Halloween somewhere. 1.3019 0.04349 159 118 34 7
1173 I'll give him a week... 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1174 It’s, “Bring a Human to Work” day. Didn't you hear? 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
1175 We're here to decide if we are going to deport this illegal alien. 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
1176 Time for a vote. All those in favor of medium rare raise your hands. 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1177 Look, I know his kind might represent the values most damaging to life in our galaxy, but let's try to understand why he won't vote to impeach. 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1178 Don't worry about whether he'll fit in, he's from HR 1.3019 0.04349 159 118 34 7
1179 I finally have the Cabinet I've always wanted! 1.3019 0.04256 159 117 36 6
1180 So we're accepting humans now? What is this, a zoo? 1.3019 0.04256 159 117 36 6
1181 Looks like no one told Gary we do a casual Friday. 1.3019 0.04528 159 120 30 9
1182 Did we drain the swamp or what?! 1.3019 0.04162 159 116 38 5
1183 No but, where are you really from? 1.3019 0.04256 159 117 36 6
1184 It appears that nudity is not universal in our galaxy. 1.3019 0.04528 159 120 30 9
1185 Clearly, he will only last a couple of days. 1.3019 0.04349 159 118 34 7
1186 Hey Frank, it’s casual Friday. 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1187 We sure will be sad when animals like this go extinct. NOT! 1.3019 0.04256 159 117 36 6
1188 I know it’s nepotism but I promised my wife we’d hire her nephew. 1.3019 0.04528 159 120 30 9
1189 As your Christmas bonus this year, you’ll all be receiving subscriptions to the Insect of the Month Club. 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1190 Please welcome Marc, our new diversity manager! 1.3019 0.04162 159 116 38 5
1191 It was so much easier when it was just bulls and bears. 1.3019 0.04256 159 117 36 6
1192 Please welcome Steve to the corporate world. 1.3019 0.04528 159 120 30 9
1193 Look, I know it’s scary, but somebody has to hide under Trump’s bed. 1.3019 0.04785 159 123 24 12
1194 And now the new guy wants to talk to us about something called diversity. 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
1195 Ben is a humanoid, he has feelings, but no brains, look at him. 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
1196 Great costume boss! 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1197 Would you help us with our inclusivity statement? 1.3019 0.04528 159 120 30 9
1198 I am pleased to introduce you all to the newest member of the Evolutionary Dead End Society. 1.3019 0.04785 159 123 24 12
1199 Here's our latest candidate for extinct species membership. 1.3019 0.04701 159 122 26 11
1200 Sorry I’m only human. 1.3019 0.04349 159 118 34 7
1201 We've been asked to limit our dining to U.S.Senate Republicans and their base...of course, junk food, I know, I know... 1.3019 0.04785 159 123 24 12
1202 You were a lot scarier under the bed. 1.3019 0.04701 159 122 26 11
1203 He's come to talk about diversity. 1.3019 0.04162 159 116 38 5
1204 Andrew, no need to stare at the human. It's not polite. We are in charge now. 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
1205 It says they are "clothes" and it will not take them off. 1.3019 0.04256 159 117 36 6
1206 OK, So the Doc's vaccine still needs work, what's next on our agenda? 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
1207 Yes, I agree he is weird looking, but let's be tolerant. 1.3019 0.04162 159 116 38 5
1208 Meet our new VP of Human Resources 1.3019 0.04065 159 115 40 4
1209 We just voted you onto the diversity committee. 1.3019 0.04701 159 122 26 11
1210 I'd would now like to introduce Kevin, who is here to talk about the new dress code. 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
1211 ...and now luncheon is serving 1.3019 0.04528 159 120 30 9
1212 Who brought the weirdo? 1.3019 0.04439 159 121 29 9
1213 So are we all agreed on fuchsia for the drapes then? 1.3016 0.05197 126 96 22 8
1214 I don't know why he's smiling, either. 1.3015 0.04931 136 103 25 8
1215 Just bring us the usual, Bob. 1.3015 0.04467 136 99 33 4
1216 Let's check his ID to make sure he's not an illegal alien. 1.3015 0.05040 136 104 23 9
1217 It's time to diversify the board. 1.3008 0.05005 133 101 24 8
1218 This is Dave, he's going to be in charge of diversity 1.3008 0.04771 133 99 28 6
1219 And this is Phil. He'll be leading us through diversity training. 1.3008 0.05117 133 102 22 9
1220 Meet Bob-our new head of diversity and inclusion. 1.3008 0.04651 133 98 30 5
1221 Let me introduce our diversity hire, Bob. 1.3008 0.05117 133 102 22 9
1222 Chet, our diversity officer, says we need to hire more white males. 1.3008 0.04651 133 98 30 5
1223 Please meet Jeff, our new diversity hire. 1.3008 0.04889 133 100 26 7
1224 See, I told you guys humans existed. 1.3008 0.05117 133 102 22 9
1225 Noah, the board has voted you out. We've decided to rule the planet ourselves without you humans and the other animals. Take some time off. Maybe get a boat. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
1226 Sorry, I was using the phrase 'fresh blood' metaphorically. 1.3000 0.04675 160 123 26 11
1227 Let's give a warm welcome to our new diversity hire. 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
1228 I believe I made it very clear that Bring Your Human to Work Day is on Wednesday, Gargablat! 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
1229 I know, I know. But HR says we have GOT to start walking the talk on diversity. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
1230 I think Steve can bring a more human touch to our business. 1.3000 0.04416 160 118 32 8
1231 I know he smells, but we have hot sauce. 1.3000 0.04416 160 119 32 8
1232 Meet Stanley, our diversity hire. 1.3000 0.05197 130 100 21 9
1233 I want you all to meet an ET who has come to visit us. 1.2992 0.05281 127 98 20 9
1234 Don't let the opposable thumbs fool you, Henry is a cold blooded litigator. 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
1235 So then I got this great deal on a little cottage in Area 51.... 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
1236 I’ll just come out and say it, it’s the elephant in the room... Bob from accounting just looks funny. 1.2981 0.04118 161 118 38 5
1237 Someone didn’t get the memo about casual Friday’s 1.2981 0.04303 161 122 31 8
1238 Now, we're all monsters...and we've done some terrible things, but Paul and his fellow humans have found a way to destroy an entire planet. So, let's give it up for Paul from Ohio! We need more Pauls in the galaxy. 1.2977 0.05163 131 101 21 9
1239 Welcome to the Inhuman Resources Department. 1.2975 0.04623 158 121 27 10
1240 If we're really serious about diversity then we have to take him seriously. 1.2975 0.04354 158 118 33 7
1241 C'mon in, Leonard. We are fully committed to a policy of diversity in the boardroom. 1.2975 0.04535 158 120 29 9
1242 Fred here will be leading us in today's Diversity Workshop 1.2975 0.04445 158 119 31 8
1243 Due to recent incidents, Phil from HR will now review our dorsal fin discrimination policy. 1.2975 0.04354 158 118 33 7
1244 I know he looks like the dog's breakfast, but his beauty is on the inside. 1.2975 0.04354 158 118 33 7
1245 And now my fellow reptilians, Mr. Homo Sapien will present an update on earthly climate change. 1.2975 0.04260 158 117 35 6
1246 Please welcome Mr. Armstrong - he joins us from a place called Area 51 1.2975 0.04445 158 119 31 8
1247 The new guy is called Greg, Derek, and he's more of a monster than you'll ever be. He puts mayonnaise on hot dogs. 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
1248 Meet, Victor, the scientist who modified our genes." 1.2968 0.04111 155 113 38 4
1249 Remember when we told this guy he was the new head of marketing?! He looked at us like we were from outer space. 1.2968 0.04406 155 116 32 7
1250 Who ordered the human? 1.2968 0.04406 155 116 32 7
1251 This is Jim from Human Resources. 1.2968 0.04406 155 116 32 7
1252 This is Ted. He is here to walk us through some rebranding concepts. 1.2968 0.03902 155 111 42 2
1253 No, this is Steve, our new accountant. Lunch is named Trevor, and should be here any minute. 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
1254 Sorry Morris, you are not a good fit for this organization...... 1.2968 0.04501 155 117 30 8
1255 Everyone, this is Larry, our lunch... 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
1256 We decided to go with an outside hire! This is Dave. 1.2968 0.04501 155 117 30 8
1257 Eddie comes to us from a long line of Munsters" 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
1258 This is Roger. Don't worry, he's a monster on the inside. 1.2968 0.04310 155 115 34 6
1259 Who invited the extraterrestrial? 1.2968 0.04212 155 114 36 5
1260 It’s the new HR Director’s idea of diversity. 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
1261 Bob, you're fired...and you are also going to be lunch. 1.2968 0.04593 155 118 28 9
1262 The consultants insisted we boost our HR. 1.2968 0.04406 155 116 32 7
1263 Try not to stare at his odd shaped proboscis. 1.2966 0.04861 118 91 21 6
1264 Meet Jim. He chews with his mouth open. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1265 I think we need to address the elephant in the room. 1.2961 0.04925 152 119 21 12
1266 Yes, accounting. 1.2961 0.04461 152 114 31 7
1267 Here comes Norm! 1.2961 0.04261 152 112 35 5
1268 Gentlemen, we may have an image problem. 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
1269 I move that we eat the mammal. Seconder? 1.2961 0.04558 152 115 29 8
1270 Norm is here to help us think differently. 1.2961 0.04558 152 115 29 8
1271 I took the liberty of ordering lunch. 1.2961 0.04362 152 113 33 6
1272 Jeffords here is the second of our non monster hires. I assured him he will not be eaten. 1.2961 0.04745 152 117 25 10
1273 Let's give a global -warming welcome for our new species 1.2961 0.04052 152 110 39 3
1274 Here is the latest model of scary monsters- the corporate CEO 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
1275 Folks, lunch has arrived! 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
1276 Can everyone please stop scratching the table. 1.2961 0.04261 152 112 35 5
1277 The Ark leaves in 5 minutes. All aboard! 1.2961 0.04261 152 112 35 5
1278 Who forgot to send him the “clothing optional” memo? 1.2961 0.04158 152 111 37 4
1279 Our company's diversity-in-hiring initiative appears to be working. 1.2961 0.04745 152 117 25 10
1280 Meet Carl, our company’s latest example of human error 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1281 Are there any dietary restrictions? 1.2949 0.04189 156 115 36 5
1282 If we aren’t careful, we’ll end up like him. 1.2949 0.04287 156 116 34 6
1283 Lunch will be served shortly. 1.2949 0.04287 156 116 34 6
1284 So, all in favor, say 'ervzpfosjf.' 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1285 It’s okay. Diverse groups make better decisions. 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1286 I see our lunch is here. 1.2949 0.04657 156 120 26 10
1287 I know, I know - but remember your diversity training. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1288 I’d like to thank everyone for attending our “Diversity in the Workplace” meetin 1.2949 0.04089 156 114 38 4
1289 This is Ken, and he'll be crunching numbers until The Count comes back. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1290 Meet our new diversity hire 1.2949 0.04189 156 115 36 5
1291 I say we pick up where we left off “bar scene in Star Wars” 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1292 This is Dustin, our diversity hire. 1.2949 0.04657 156 120 26 10
1293 Derrick here will outline our new marketing plan and then we will eat him. 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1294 The meeting will commence after we eat the caterer. 1.2949 0.04089 156 114 38 4
1295 It appears lunch has arrived. 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1296 To improve diversity, I nominate this rich, white male for the vacant seat on the Board. 1.2949 0.04189 156 115 36 5
1297 Team, meet Larry. He's our new Human Resource member. 1.2949 0.03987 156 113 40 3
1298 We're now going to hear from the company's diversity champion. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1299 Bob works in Human Resources. 1.2949 0.04189 156 117 33 6
1300 I know he’s not much to look at but let’s make him welcome anyway. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1301 Remember, beauty is only skin deep. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1302 oh good,Delivery Dudes just sent us lunch. 1.2949 0.04089 156 114 38 4
1303 This is Dane from HR. He’s here to help us resolve the ‘scales in the breakroom’ problem. 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1304 This is Steven, our newest member. I know someone you are hesitant to identify Steven as a monster but he just cheated on his wife with her sister. 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1305 It's time we discussed the human in the room. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1306 Didn't you get the memo that today is Casual Friday, Frank? 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1307 'This is Melvin, our new head of Human Resources. Hungry? He's your guy.' 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1308 According to Bert here from our analytics unit, either we strategically evolve or we lose market share. 1.2949 0.04287 156 116 34 6
1309 Please welcome our newest member with open mouths. 1.2949 0.04287 156 121 26 8
1310 Their appearance is terrifying but are we sure they plan to harm us? 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1311 Perhaps we should break for lunch. 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 27 9
1312 I’ve asked Bob here to take all of our ideas and bring them down to Earth. 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1313 This is my partner Simon. He’s in real estate and is an Aquarius. 1.2949 0.04657 156 120 26 10
1314 I told you lunch would be here soon. 1.2949 0.04287 156 116 34 6
1315 I think it's fair to say that we have met our strategic Plan goal for diversity. 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1316 I finally have my fantasy board of directors team! 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1317 So if we added 10 pounds you would be more likely to buy him for roasting? 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1318 This place has the weirdest waiters. 1.2949 0.04089 156 114 38 4
1319 He's at the table, but don't worry he's still on the menu. 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1320 No one is scarier than our accountant 1.2949 0.04567 156 119 28 9
1321 So no one told the new guy about casual Friday? 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1322 Forget about Russia. We'll show them what real foreign interference looks like in the 2020 election. 1.2946 0.05437 129 102 16 11
1323 Motion to assent that the tie is awesome. 1.2946 0.05092 129 99 22 8
1324 Sure, an audit can be scary, but that doesn't make Todd a monster. 1.2941 0.04532 153 116 29 8
1325 Show of hands. Should he join us in the swamp? 1.2941 0.04338 153 114 33 6
1326 Our ideas are getting stale and tame so I invited him in hopes of shaking things up. 1.2941 0.04436 153 115 31 7
1327 The applicant's request for membership is denied! 1.2937 0.04921 126 95 25 6
1328 Maybe naked musical chairs just isn't your game. 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
1329 One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. 1.2933 0.04874 150 117 22 11
1330 Diversity is good. 1.2933 0.04288 150 111 34 5
1331 Fear not, he's one of OUR lawyers. 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1332 Allow me to introduce the appetizer . . . 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1333 Who knew Bigfoot could clean up so well, right? 1.2933 0.04781 150 116 24 10
1334 Everyone, this is Harold, an IRS auditor. He'll be working with our 35-55 demographic. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1335 If we eat him, he can't testify. 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1336 I say we table the earnings discussion and move on to Item 2... pronouns. 1.2933 0.04391 150 112 32 6
1337 So, we need to get our stories coordinated on Ukraine... 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1338 I know he looks human but he's not that bad. 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1339 Who ordered lame-ass for dessert? 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1340 The ayes have it, 4-3. Mankind is now officially a member of the Extinction Club! 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1341 One of these things is not like the other, one of these things doesn't belong... 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1342 So I understand you are all applying for the President's Cabinet? 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1343 Umm...sure. This IS a costume party. 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1344 So Robert, got any rules of disorder?” 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1345 Everybody, I'd like to introduce Phil, our new chief of diversity. 1.2933 0.04288 150 111 34 5
1346 Everybody, shh shh shh. It's here. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1347 One-size-fits-all MAGA hats will not work for us. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1348 Shall we find Funny Face a seat? 1.2933 0.04340 150 114 29 7
1349 Despite this year’s efforts, 68% of Americans still think evolution is a hoax. 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1350 You have nothing to worry about. Bill is just here to observe. 1.2933 0.04182 150 110 36 4
1351 Who invited Picasso? 1.2933 0.04687 150 115 26 9
1352 So, as promised, Lenny here is going to explain to us what white privilege is and why we should care. 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
1353 He's our new Human Resources manager. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1354 I think it's time we talk about the elephant in the room. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1355 He’s our new temp, try not to stare! 1.2933 0.04391 150 112 32 6
1356 Meet Jim. His wife sent him to Monsters Anonymous. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1357 And this is Doctor Seuss Who'll put us to good use. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1358 Let's try not to eat the job applicant this time, please. 1.2933 0.04965 150 118 20 12
1359 Gentlemen, my lawyer has given me very good news. We are no longer considered alien invaders. We are now undocumented citizens. And wait until you see the goodies that go with that! 1.2933 0.04781 150 116 24 10
1360 Memo from HR, it's a diversity issue. 1.2933 0.04182 150 110 36 4
1361 Everyone say hi to Ralph, this is his first day in cartoons. 1.2933 0.04874 150 117 22 11
1362 Mr Dubrow from the truck dealership is here to talk about big tires, big noise, and big fun. 1.2927 0.05128 123 94 22 7
1363 You say you want a r-evolution... 1.2927 0.04997 123 93 24 6
1364 We're out of chairs. Whose lap do you want to sit on? 1.2927 0.04997 123 93 24 6
1365 It’s come to our attention that there’s not enough white males here. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
1366 Now to address the elephant in the room... 1.2927 0.05382 123 96 18 9
1367 Let’s welcome Jim, our newest hire. He has yet to drink the Kool-Aid. 1.2927 0.04997 123 93 24 6
1368 This is our new recruit. I thought you would all like to have him in for lunch. 1.2927 0.04997 123 93 24 6
1369 Sorry, bud, humans don't get a chair until they stop destroying their planet. 1.2917 0.05076 120 91 23 6
1370 Dave here would like to ask whoever’s been taking his pepperoni pizza from the break room to please stop.. 1.2917 0.05212 120 92 21 7
1371 Twelve angry men? 1.2914 0.04660 151 116 26 9
1372 Him? This year we've cut out the middle man for our "magic" meat. 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1373 Alright, that's lunch. Great work everyone. 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1374 I’m happy that a candidate is finally seeking the support of actual deplorables! 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1375 Do I have a consensual tweet, grunt, growl and/or galactic hiss on his 'out of cage' privileges? 1.2905 0.04722 148 114 25 9
1376 I think its time to address the intern in the room. 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1377 So, Deke is going to inherit the earth. 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1378 Let's face it. We're aren't FAKE NEWS anymore! 1.2905 0.04623 148 113 27 8
1379 People like him used to sit in all your seats. 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1380 Who ordered the human with dressing? 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1381 All those opposed to draining the swamp, signify by raising whatever." 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1382 Faculty meeting after long day at school 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1383 Meet Jason, our new diversity consultant. 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1384 Everybody, Dinner. Dinner, everybody. 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1385 Dave, our apologies but the condo board decided you would just be too evolved for the building. 1.2905 0.04623 148 113 27 8
1386 What I actually said was 'Fred IS lunch'... 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1387 Give Bob your lunch orders. 1.2905 0.04315 148 110 33 5
1388 Bob has been elected to join the Foreign Intelligence Committee. Let’s do our best to make sure he doesn’t feel alienated. 1.2905 0.04722 148 114 25 9
1389 Gary from HR is here to talk about appropriate workplace conduct. 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1390 And now, we have a representative from the “Human” race. Please, don’t eat him. 1.2905 0.04623 148 113 27 8
1391 I know, but he was much easier to train than the monkey 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1392 Meet Bob Smith, our new diversity consultant. 1.2905 0.04420 148 111 31 6
1393 This is Jerry from Human Resources 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1394 Bob here is our new Head of Sales! Or lunch, if that doesn't work out. Peter Dolch, Chappaqua, NY 1.2905 0.04722 148 114 25 9
1395 Aliens say hi to bob, the feast will begin shortly, so start saying by to bob 1.2905 0.04523 148 111 29 7
1396 Hideous creatures of the universe, I have found the vilest of us all. He's a lawyer. 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1397 Todd's here to help us imagine more realistic nightmares. 1.2905 0.04315 148 110 33 5
1398 You'll be happy to know, tech support has arrived. 1.2886 0.04694 149 115 25 9
1399 Well fellows ... this is what my mother would have called a "motley crew!" 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
1400 Everyone, meet Keith. He’s our diversity hire. 1.2881 0.05121 118 90 22 6
1401 Sorry House committees, Trump is running late. 1.2877 0.04342 146 109 32 5
1402 Gentlemen please meet Irwin, our lunch. 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1403 Jim will be joining us because the company feels he'll be delicious. 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1404 He didn't get the "clothing optional Fridays" memo. 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1405 Wow! Who dressed YOU today? 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1406 And now for the scariest one of all, please welcome our attorney. 1.2877 0.04758 146 113 24 9
1407 This is Bob; he'll be leading our transition management team. 1.2877 0.04342 146 109 32 5
1408 He may be a white male, but he's Our White Male. 1.2877 0.04342 146 109 32 5
1409 Who invited the weird-o? 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1410 We're sorry but you're a little too creepy for this group. 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1411 Are we all going to just ignore the 167 pound human in the room? 1.2877 0.04232 146 108 34 4
1412 No worries! Area 52 is three doors down on the left. 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1413 And to expand our diversity training . . . 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1414 This is Bert, our new affirmative action hire. 1.2877 0.04342 146 109 32 5
1415 Who invited this monster? 1.2877 0.04555 146 111 28 7
1416 Look, here comes lunch. 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1417 Now, when we bring in the cable news cameras, it is essential that you express your adulation effusively. 1.2877 0.04342 146 109 32 5
1418 I promise, we're just PRETENDING to drain the swamp. 1.2877 0.04758 146 113 24 9
1419 Allow me to introduce our new employee who helps us meet our Homo sapiens quota. 1.2877 0.04232 146 108 34 4
1420 Pat's preferred pronoun is They. 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1421 It’s time our company branches out and opens its doors to the white man. 1.2877 0.04758 146 113 24 9
1422 This is our latest prototype, just in time for the 2020 elections. 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1423 He’s the only one qualified for Human Resources. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1424 It's ok! He's here legally. 1.2857 0.04630 147 113 26 8
1425 This is our year to win! 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1426 You have a problem with the appetizer? 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1427 We've agreed not to eat or drink any part of the intern until he's read the minutes from our last meeting. 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1428 Grezelzip has informed me that he has decided to identify as 'human'." 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1429 It's that time of year again. Max is here will be explaining your new insurance options. 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1430 I'd like you to welcome, Brad. His species went extinct on a planet he calls "Earth". 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1431 Who let this weirdo in? 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1432 Hey, who’s the freak in the suit? 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1433 We're getting a lot of criticism for a lack of diversity on our board, so we hired a white, middle-aged man. 1.2857 0.04630 147 113 26 8
1434 Ted's here to join us for lunch" 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1435 Well. This is embarrassing. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1436 Nightmares are up 20% this quarter. 1.2857 0.04630 147 116 22 9
1437 I see the diversity training is coming along nicely. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1438 Everyone, welcome our new diversity hire, Reggie. 1.2857 0.04096 147 108 36 3
1439 Look intimidating. His worst nightmare is a pointless meeting. 1.2857 0.04827 147 115 22 10
1440 He’s a Rhodes Scholar, got his law degree from Harvard and has a PhD in Public Policy. I also understand he’ll be quite delicious. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1441 He's probably harmless. Just don't make eye contact. 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1442 This is Barry, our new immigration lawyer. 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1443 Just remember, four legs good, two legs . . . 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1444 This is Noah to my left, who will be detailing the travel arrangements. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1445 Another one from HR? 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1446 Is anybody going to eat this last one? 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1447 This is our new hire, hu-man. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1448 Don't worry, guys. He's a monster alright. 1.2857 0.04096 147 108 36 3
1449 Here at MONSTER, Inc. we are committed to diversity. 1.2847 0.04370 144 108 31 5
1450 Ralph suggests yellow chiffon 1.2845 0.05167 116 89 21 6
1451 Jim will oversee the next phase of our diversity outreach. 1.2845 0.05310 116 90 19 7
1452 Welcome to the 80th annual 'How to Trick not Treat', conference! 1.2845 0.04711 116 86 27 3
1453 I'd like to introduce Bob, who is either a new intern or brunch. 1.2837 0.03941 141 102 38 1
1454 Gentleman, this is our new image consultant James, who made Bernie Madoff almost seem human. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1455 Mr. Dershowitz, here, believes that we may be able to use Lawrence v. Texas to finally come out of the closet... 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1456 Let's take a break....I see lunch has arrived. 1.2837 0.04309 141 105 32 4
1457 We have one year to run those Facebook ads and win this thing! 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1458 Meet our inclusion and diversity officer." 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1459 So, that's the final decision. We will all get behind the mammal. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1460 I call the first meeting of ex-cabinet members to order! 1.2837 0.04648 141 110 23 8
1461 Please welcome Ned, he's here to liven up the meeting. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1462 Meet Bob. Our new Head of Diversity. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1463 Welcome to the Committee, Frank. Ork will show you where the wild things are. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1464 No it's cool guys, he's a politician 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1465 Jim’s a debt collector. He’s here to help with your scare tactics. 1.2837 0.04965 141 111 20 10
1466 You guys remember Mikey? He was that scary monster over our beds all those years ago. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1467 Ah, I see lunch has just arrived. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1468 Bob, recognizing his inexcusable omission, tried to explain the absence of donuts. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1469 There's one in every crowd! 1.2837 0.04190 141 104 34 3
1470 The guy from planet Omega was even uglier. 1.2837 0.04309 141 105 32 4
1471 Remember, we’re government contractors. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1472 Gentlemen, we have achieved Diversity.” 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1473 Ok boomer. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1474 This is our new colleague. I expect that you will make him feel welcome, even though he is a monster. 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1475 But guys, think how he'll up our diversity profile! 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1476 I think Monsters & Steve Inc. has a nice ring to it. 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1477 We’re going to build a wall. 1.2837 0.04309 141 105 32 4
1478 It's time we all addressed the elephant in the room. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1479 Folks, meet the new star of our latest horror film! 1.2837 0.04425 141 109 26 6
1480 All in favor, say ‘Grvbbzzztklks.’ 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1481 He might not be much to look at, but his work is out of this world. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1482 Take your "Human to Work Day" 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1483 Now Cosgrove here will walk us through the empathy phase. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1484 Uh oh, here comes Doug. Be nice. He’s sensitive about his appearance. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1485 I see you all got the message to come as you are. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1486 Does anyone have questions for Phil about our health care plan? 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1487 Well I say it’s time we relaxed the no coat rule 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1488 Please meet today's menu option. 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1489 Welcome to the meeting for nightmares. This is Ben, the IRS agent. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1490 Everyone meet Greg...he’ll be leading our new Human Resources department 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1491 Dave here has just been hired to address the lack of diversity on our team. I'm sure we will benefit by his views as a male. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1492 I get it! Dino's dressed up as a human being for Halloween! 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1493 And now, your final test for inherent bias. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1494 All those in favor of eating Alfred, say aye" 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1495 Stop drooling. He's not organic. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1496 George here is in marketing, obviously. 1.2837 0.04425 141 108 27 6
1497 Voting to decide Herb's admission to the Odd Fellow's Club. 1.2837 0.04482 141 108 27 6
1498 Is he the new diversity hire? 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1499 I think we all know what a great job Ed has done as Vice President for Diversity. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1500 Bad news, team. They drained our swamp. 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1501 Upper management here has long-been committed to diversity. 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1502 Look at the nose on this guy! 1.2833 0.05046 120 92 22 6
1503 So The first step in our new on boarding policy is for each of us to share our Myers Briggs type. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
1504 Here's Richard from 23 and Me to go over the geneology results. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
1505 Our test group is not satisfied with new design of your chairs. 1.2828 0.04765 145 113 23 9
1506 Please offer a biped-friendly seat to our guest and state your pronouns. 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
1507 I thought a middle-aged white guy might help diversify the board. 1.2828 0.04344 145 109 31 5
1508 In the grand scheme of things, we're all God's children. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
1509 So we’re clear! We put all humans, except Dick here, in terrariums. 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
1510 Well, Horace. Maybe if you didn't take so much time tying the perfect Windsor knot, there would be place for you to sit. 1.2818 0.05795 110 88 13 9
1511 And this is Steve from The Diversity & Inclusion program. 1.2817 0.04727 142 110 24 8
1512 I will now turn it over to Bob, who will talk about the new company-wide dress code. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
1513 The test results on the new drug we slipped into the last meeting's water are in 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1514 This is Ted. He'll be our lunch today. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1515 Bob has a different take on our complete world domination strategy. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1516 I hired them on Monster.com 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1517 'The judge wants to know if you've reached a decision'. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1518 He always hits Reply All. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1519 Let's everyone welcome my new lead attorney to our White House anti-impeachment war room. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1520 This is our new intern Raj. Please don't eat him. 1.2806 0.04214 139 103 33 3
1521 Yes, at this morning's meeting, we have one very weird looking guest. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1522 Thank you all for agreeing to serve. This is by far the most competent Cabinet assembled over the last 3 years. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1523 This earthling is a fine specific for the prehistoric alien doll 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1524 I second the motion to eat the pizza looking dude. 1.2806 0.04151 139 105 30 4
1525 Yes he’s edible. More importantly he’s my new assistant. 1.2806 0.04900 139 109 21 9
1526 And now a word from our Diversity Officer. 1.2806 0.04214 139 103 33 3
1527 Our appetizer this evening is Neil. 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1528 Watch it! Here comes one, now. 1.2806 0.03825 139 100 39 0
1529 I'd like to call the diversity committee to order. 1.2806 0.04336 139 104 31 4
1530 Greetings, fellow mutants! 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1531 I think we can assure Human Resources that we will not again celebrate our success by eating our Diversity Officer. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1532 Gross, he's wearing a tie! 1.2806 0.04336 139 104 31 4
1533 Forget about where the wild things are - let's focus on where the wild things lunch. 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1534 This is Arnold. He's part of our diversity initiative." --Gerard Black Laurelton, New Yor 1.2806 0.04336 139 104 31 4
1535 So we've hired Marv, here, to be the new fresh face of the company. 1.2806 0.04088 139 104 31 3
1536 Hard to remember that far back but before B school I’m pretty sure I looked like him too 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1537 Seems Mr. Butterworth was the only chap who didn't take those funny little candies my teenage son offered us. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1538 Don't worry, he doesn't understand a word we're saying 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1539 All in favor of this affirmative action admission please raise your appendage. 1.2806 0.04336 139 106 28 5
1540 Each of us would like a slice of Impeachment Pie... and a box of wine. 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1541 So this is the White House Zoo 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1542 And now for a real scare; Gary from accounting has some news. 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1543 He may not look like a monster, but you should see him when the wifi is slow 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1544 And for you, Gwendoline, there’s Tofu a la Grecque. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1545 So is the Board serious about our diversity mission statement? 1.2806 0.04214 139 103 33 3
1546 All in favor of Dennis Kucinich as 2024 US President say 'aye'. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1547 He looks harmless enough 1.2806 0.04214 139 103 33 3
1548 He says we should wear suits so we blend in. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1549 I'll let Bob explain the science, but the good news is devolution is happening. And it's happening now. 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1550 We need to reach the Human market. 1.2806 0.04088 139 102 35 2
1551 He may look harmless, but he’s got a sharp tongue 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1552 I know $50,000 a month sounds like a lot for a board member, but it's worth it if you consider he knows nothing about our planet or our business. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1553 I don't care what the law says. We shouldn't have to admit anyone to our club that doesn't look like us! 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1554 I've called you all here today to discuss the climate crisis. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1555 Hi Everyone, this is Benny from accounting who is going to tutor us on how to use macros in Excel. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1556 Once again, scaremonger of the month goes to algebra guy. 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1557 Good news, everyone! My son Jerry's brought over one his Democrat friends again! 1.2806 0.04454 139 105 29 5
1558 I suggest we adjourn for lunch. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1559 And the NEW float for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is Leonard the Accountant!! 1.2806 0.04900 139 109 21 9
1560 If our new board member would kindly remove his clothes, we can begin. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1561 Area 51 humor; "A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a spaceship." 1.2804 0.05277 107 82 20 5
1562 I hear that new guy's a real monster. 1.2786 0.04541 140 107 27 6
1563 Wow. the new guy is really creepy. 1.2786 0.04427 140 106 29 5
1564 Everyone, meet Dan, our new affirmative action policy hire. 1.2786 0.04762 140 109 23 8
1565 He said we should wait for the purple people eater 1.2786 0.04427 140 106 29 5
1566 Time for a break. Our lunch as arrived. 1.2786 0.04762 140 107 23 8
1567 Introducing Non-GMO. 1.2786 0.04427 140 106 29 5
1568 Now you're complaining? We all agreed we needed an attorney. 1.2786 0.04427 140 106 29 5
1569 Jim is here to talk to us today about open enrollment. Please give him your full attention and try not to eat him. 1.2786 0.04653 140 108 25 7
1570 This is our new Diversity Hire, Chad. 1.2786 0.04653 140 108 25 7
1571 Don't let the suit fool you: George can eat a bucket of uranium in three minutes. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
1572 I present to you Pete, he's a horrible monster too. He uses mayonnaise on his fries. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
1573 To start things off this morning, it looks like we could all use a cup of coffee. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
1574 We can't eat him. He's the new accountant. 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1575 See, I told you lunch would be served with a smile today. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1576 Before you say anything, just give Steve a chance; he gets real weird. 1.2774 0.03768 137 109 22 4
1577 You are all fired! 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1578 This is Dave from Affirmative Action. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1579 Human on our Board? Show of paws. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1580 Dave from Adult Nightmares is here to tell us about audits. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1581 Here at Nightmares International, we're adding the 'guy next door' category, who in today's world of is as scary and dangerous as any one of us. 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1582 This is Bob. He too joins us in costume as an endangered species: the honest Boeing executive. 1.2774 0.05047 137 109 18 10
1583 Please welcome Gary, our new Human Resources representative. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1584 I had breakfast delivered! 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1585 Now let's all welcome Mr. Jones to the diversity committee. 1.2774 0.04238 137 102 32 3
1586 He's here to talk about the new dress code. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1587 Neil will be our first course today. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1588 Let's welcome Sam-I-Ain't to our little group os Seuss rejects! 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1589 Kangaroo court jury duty. 1.2774 0.04109 137 101 34 2
1590 Who's up for a monster mash? 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1591 Somebody forget their deodorant this morning? 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1592 Looks may be deceiving, but he’s infamous in hostile takeovers. 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1593 This is James. He's our first course tonight. 1.2774 0.03908 137 110 22 5
1594 He’s our diversity hire. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1595 Gorgle boc Andy Kaufman loogle. 1.2774 0.04717 137 109 20 8
1596 I thought we said no partners. 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1597 Let’s break for lunch 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1598 This is Donald three sticks; you might know his grandfather from the recently incinerated planet Earth. 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1599 Our numbers are falling, folks, particularly in the under-the-bed and in-the-closet demographics. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1600 This is the management consultant who will lead or diversity training. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1601 This meeting of the top ranking GOP Senators is hereby called to order. Self-serve lunch is currently in the corner. 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1602 I'm from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1603 We are gathered here as a result of Bill’s weird imagination... 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1604 How many times do we have to tell you that it’s not yet Halloween, Jeff? 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1605 Now, presenting our guest for dinner tonight... 1.2774 0.04109 137 103 31 3
1606 This is Beasley, human resource. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1607 I don't know why he's dressed like that, either, but be nice. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1608 Dude. It's casual Friday. 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1609 Fred decided on a trickle-down or treat approach to Halloween. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1610 I think we should incorporate. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1611 Hi, my name is Mike and I've been a human for 34 years 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1612 I know you're all anxious to hear about lunch. Matt, could you please introduce yourself to the board? 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1613 We could use some more diversity around this place.” 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1614 We love you Mr. President 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1615 Are you lunch? 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1616 He's fast too. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1617 I would like to introduce Tim,our new affirmative action hire. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1618 This is Jim. He’ll be in charge of our costume department. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1619 I guess they weren't kidding when they said the upper management are real monsters. 1.2774 0.05047 137 109 18 10
1620 In conclusion, though we are all different, we are exactly alike underneath. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1621 Management felt like we needed to add some diversity to the board. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1622 And now I'm pleased to introduce our new diversity hire! 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1623 Do we have room at the table for one more monster? 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1624 Here comes the diversity hire! 1.2774 0.04109 137 101 34 2
1625 The boss is sensitive so don’t mention his scar. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1626 So it settled. We Pickett Area 51 for equal rights. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1627 All those in favor raise your hand..... or foot....or whatever. 1.2774 0.04238 137 102 32 3
1628 I'm pleased to say we're making good on our diversity initiative! 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1629 Well, you’ve got the Seven Deadly Sins. How may we hinder you? 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1630 John will be leading our diversity workshop today. 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1631 No, it's more about what he does. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1632 Next up is the role of the bumbling lab assistant who triggers the disaster. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1633 We always strive to be "all inclusive" 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1634 I'm delighted to introduce today's Director of HR. Lunch! 1.2774 0.04363 137 103 30 4
1635 Putting aside for the moment the entire issue of table manners... 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1636 So, how is Area 51 this time of year? 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1637 Meet Phil,our new head of human resources. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1638 Anyone have any adverse experiences during our LSD clinical trial they would like to report? 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1639 ...and he says any unsavory activity could result in a DNA test. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1640 Everyone welcome our diversity hire, Rick. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1641 With the success he's had with GEICO and AFLAC, Mr. Quigley is here to give us some tips on becoming corporate spokesmen. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1642 While there's no wrong answers, there are inquisitive idiots. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1643 And now Phil, from the chemical plant, will explain how we can all qualify for valuable prizes just by signing some paperwork. 1.2768 0.05412 112 88 17 7
1644 In the interest of diversity, I' thought it would be a good idea to interview a white male. 1.2768 0.05412 112 88 17 7
1645 Gentlemen, we're going to have to get more serious about presenting an appearance of diversity. 1.2768 0.04781 112 84 25 3
1646 Funny looking, isn't he? 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1647 Why is Zorg the only one of you dressed for Halloween? 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1648 Is there room at the table for an immigrant 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1649 Would you all please get your hands off my abdomen. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1650 The challenge we face is how our brand of terror and fear can compete with current events. 1.2752 0.04855 109 82 24 3
1651 This is the architect who nixed the gargoyle idea. 1.2752 0.05354 109 85 18 6
1652 Look, we've all known for a while now that one of us just doesn't fit here anymore, so I'll say it; Bob, those moles are disgusting. 1.2752 0.05510 109 86 16 7
1653 Bad news, guys. They chose an Earth bird called turkey to honor at the new "Thanksgiving" bash. I hear on Earth, one turkey gets to meet the president. Maybe the other birds get better prizes. 1.2743 0.05370 113 89 17 7
1654 Welcome, Fred. We feel you'll fit right in. 1.2743 0.05221 113 88 19 6
1655 What is pepperoni pizza slice doing here? 1.2743 0.05515 113 90 15 8
1656 Its unanimous then, we'll eat Greg. 1.2743 0.05221 113 88 19 6
1657 Not quite the borschst belt, but Myerson here has booked us a gig playing the cantina in Mos Eisley. All in favor? 1.2743 0.05515 113 90 15 8
1658 He's my nephew. 1.2741 0.04262 135 106 25 4
1659 I see nobody else dressed up for Szelqxaart 1.2741 0.04753 135 105 23 7
1660 For the first order of business of the Imaginary Friends Club, I present our newest member: Husband Material. 1.2741 0.04867 135 106 21 8
1661 Now that Fred's back from vacation, he has a few questions about the last two weeks. 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1662 This is Bill. He's from VERY FAR AWAY! 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1663 OK, anyone opposed to eating Kevin? 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1664 Hey look, a human costume. 1.2741 0.04390 135 102 29 4
1665 Jerry, this is our board--they've promised not to eat you. 1.2741 0.04390 135 102 29 4
1666 This is Cal, our new Chief Diversity Officer. 1.2741 0.04262 135 101 31 3
1667 Don't be alarmed it's only the human monster here to give us an update. 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1668 This is Bob...our token human. 1.2741 0.04514 135 103 27 5
1669 This is the future! 1.2741 0.04390 135 102 29 4
1670 Sorry folks, didn't think the human would actually show up! 1.2741 0.04390 135 102 29 4
1671 Just act normal. 1.2741 0.04514 135 103 27 5
1672 Alright, which one of us is the tasting menu? 1.2741 0.04514 135 103 27 5
1673 George is here today to pitch the merits of clothing. 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1674 GOOD NEWS1 We're all going to be in the next STAR WARS movie. 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1675 I'm not sure you will fit in 1.2741 0.04390 135 102 29 4
1676 Meet Eugene. He is not from these parts. 1.2741 0.04262 135 101 31 3
1677 Then it's setled. Capitalism wins. We'll eat the humans. 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1678 You know, it's nice to meet out from under the bed sometimes. 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1679 Hey, if he doesn’t work out we can always eat him. 1.2727 0.04446 132 100 28 4
1680 Ok. Back to the drawing board for this one. 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1681 On Earth, all the males look the same, so we only brought one in. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1682 I'd like you all to meet our new intern, Charles Darwin. 1.2727 0.04574 132 101 26 5
1683 He doesn’t fit in this cabinet 1.2727 0.04574 132 101 26 5
1684 I see that Jenkins didn't get the memo about come-as-you-are Fridays. 1.2727 0.04821 132 103 22 7
1685 And most monstrous of all: Patrick, our lawyer. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1686 He’s from a relatively new species. 1.2721 0.04485 136 105 24 5
1687 He may not seem scary yet, but wait 'til he starts his PowerPoint. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1688 To top off our diversity recruitment, I'm delighted to introduce.... 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1689 Hal must have missed the message about casual Friday. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1690 Chad has some interesting ideas how to expand beyond our current targeted demographic. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1691 Who should we eat next? Show of hands? 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1692 Our next item of business - "Lunch Presentation" - was a little misleading. 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1693 Which of you ordered lunch? 1.2721 0.04235 136 104 28 4
1694 Careful. He’s got a power tie. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1695 The chair will recognize Mr. Hobbes. Mr. Hobbes? 1.2721 0.04105 136 101 33 2
1696 We said we need a new perspective, but hiring him may be going too far 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1697 Whoa, check out Bob's crazy Halloween costume! 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1698 Meet Josh Davidson, homo sapien! 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1699 As you know we are an equal opportunity employer. 1.2721 0.04235 136 102 31 3
1700 He wanted to do a lunch, so I say let's! 1.2721 0.04235 136 102 31 3
1701 Have you all met our host? 1.2721 0.04235 136 104 28 4
1702 Bob may look a little different, but he's one heck of an accountant. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1703 Glad to have you. The last guy was a monster. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1704 Please welcome our new pink, fleshy, and delicious intern. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1705 So you're THE Hieronimus Bosch? 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1706 Hey! Take off your clothes. Let's see what ya got! 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1707 If it works with him, we can hire a female specimen next time. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1708 Clearly, our strength is we are not carbon copies. 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1709 Keep up the good work-- our profits are monstrous! 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1710 Live human up for grabs,boys ... 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1711 And now a word from our Diversity Department. . . . 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1712 No, Xanor, Kevin is in *charge* of lunch, he is not on the menu. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1713 This is our new intern, and, coincidentally, lunch. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1714 And the next we're going to hear from the cartoonist who created all of us! 1.2721 0.04947 136 108 19 9
1715 I think Jim is right, no one is going to scare anybody if we're always in a meeting. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1716 Everybody welcome Todd. Don't let appearances fool you. He's an ANIMAL! 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1717 I’ve invited Jeremy for lunch, shall we give our thanks... 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1718 All in favor of expanding to G8, say “Aye.” 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1719 Darren here is a billionaire so he’s more of a monster than any of you. 1.2721 0.04947 136 108 19 9
1720 Diversity, schmaversity. We just can’t have a middle-aged white male human. 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1721 He's casting the next version of Star Wars. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1722 Good question Dave, if one foot is dangling off the bed, that means they don't want it anymore. 1.2721 0.05056 136 109 17 10
1723 Relax. You've got this. Just imagine them naked! 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1724 Fred, your human costume, just might be too scary for the Monster's Ball. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1725 Maurice Sendak is sorry but he can’t make today’s meeting 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1726 We’ve come a long way since the Star Wars bar. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1727 I’d like everyone to say hello to our newest diversity hire, Norm. 1.2721 0.04235 136 102 31 3
1728 How would Darwin explain this? 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1729 Due to some recent negative posts on the invasion,Glen will now be managing our corporate Twitter Earth account. 1.2721 0.05056 136 109 17 10
1730 I hired him to make us look good. 1.2721 0.04235 136 102 31 3
1731 We need gender diversity, too. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1732 Did every president before me have such a problem finding advisors who fit in? 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1733 They're called clothes. It's a human thing. 1.2721 0.04235 136 102 31 3
1734 Who wants to chase our new intern first? 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1735 I want to introduce Wilfred Wagner our new diversity officer. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1736 I’d like to meet Bob he’s the last holdover from the 21st-century 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1737 Who sprang for the hors d'oeuvre? 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1738 We brought Steve in to offer the white, male, human perspective. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1739 I worry that, despite our efforts at diversity, our board does not look enough like America. 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1740 After traveling so many light-years, he confirmed the answer is still 42 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1741 I’d like to introduce our newest board member, Chuck Darwin. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1742 I’d like to introduce Carl, who will be leading today’s diversity training. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1743 And for our special treat today, Elmer from accounting. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1744 As we've had challengess with the Earth market, we've brought in Joe. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1745 Bob's here because we have an issue with diversity. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1746 Welcome the next endangered species. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1747 Mr.George Orwell will be recording the minutes of all our meetings.. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1748 Great job tricking the new guy to dress for Halloween guys! 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1749 This year's best costume contest prize goes to Bob in HR. 1.2721 0.04105 136 101 33 2
1750 All in favor of keeping Phil as Chairman raise you tentacle, claw, flipper, whatever... 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1751 Bob here is going to talk about "Diversity in the Workplace." 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1752 Yes, ugly, but loaded! 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1753 We've chosen Tim to represent Earth, since he's the only one who answered our email. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1754 Meet our new Human Resource Manager. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1755 So we are agreed. We call him Gecko? 1.2721 0.04947 136 108 19 9
1756 I called this meeting to address problems, both real and imagined. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1757 He uses the pronouns "He", "His" and "Him" 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1758 So please give your attention to Ted Davis from HR who’s here to talk about diversity. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1759 I brought lunch. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1760 Please welcome our new intern. I believe he represents the future. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1761 Okay. We finally have the food. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1762 This is George. He's our new diversity hire. 1.2707 0.04286 133 100 30 3
1763 Dave is here from human resources to update us on workplace bullying. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1764 The new guy would like permission to telecommute. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1765 Before we vote, Bob wants to share his views on our elimination of all mankind proposal. 1.2707 0.04906 133 105 20 8
1766 Can sales begin by explaining why our volumes are under water again this quarter? 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1767 I thought we were all going to the party as humans this year. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1768 Our final applicant is Marvin. He's 5'7", 140 pounds. Anyone opposed to eating Marvin, aaah, I mean having him join our club, please raise an appendage. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1769 John is our diversity hire. 1.2707 0.04151 133 99 32 2
1770 As you know, I'm filling in for our esteemed leader while he's being impeached. 1.2707 0.04906 133 105 20 8
1771 Well, I see we've met our diversity requirements. 1.2707 0.04286 133 99 29 3
1772 Jim's our new intern. Don't eat him before the end of the semester. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1773 He's our new diversity consultant. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1774 I want to make it perfectly clear that John was not selected to meet a quota. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1775 We need a translator 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1776 They thought that this board could use some diversity. 1.2707 0.04286 133 102 26 4
1777 I vote we let him go and capture someone with better antidotes. 1.2707 0.04544 133 104 23 6
1778 We're having Steve for lunch today. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1779 I'm all for diversity but this is getting out of hand. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1780 There is always one who doesn't dress up for Halloween. 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1781 None of us want to, but we have to address the white male in the room. 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1782 And now, with “How to Annihilate a planet”, here’s Bob. 1.2707 0.04906 133 105 20 8
1783 I must say - they’ve perfected lumbar. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1784 I guess it's not a myth! Humans do live under the bed! 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1785 Please welcome our new recruit from the Diversity and Equity program, Dave! 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 25 5
1786 Yeah, so I ate his brain, so sue me. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1787 Hey everyone, this is Tim. I think he’ll fit right in. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1788 Who wants to be on the dress-code committee? 1.2707 0.04417 133 103 22 5
1789 Look what I found on top of my bed. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1790 Well, then if no one wants to eat Bob, we're adjourned. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1791 I usually don’t introduce people at staff meetings. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1792 I don't know what you guys are looking at. I heard there was food. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1793 Think of this as the one upside of climate change. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1794 If we are going to take diversity seriously, we should hire him. 1.2707 0.04286 133 100 30 3
1795 Everybody, this is Ted. Ted's joining us from Newton-Mackie, has years of experience in supply chain management, and doesn't mind the occasional bite. I refer you to the recent email from HR for your guidelines vis-à-vis biting protocols. 1.2707 0.05133 133 107 16 10
1796 Token white man 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1797 Order!..Order! James is now taking our lunch orders. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1798 Yes, I know. He's hideous. but scooch over and make room anyway. It's the least we can do. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1799 He's new. Try not to stare 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1800 Gomez Addams has agreed to be our facilitator. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1801 Everyone, this is our new head of HR, Ted. Don't worry, he doesn't bite. 1.2707 0.04906 133 105 20 8
1802 You all know Elmer, our EVP -HR (Diversity). 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1803 I would ask for your coffee orders, but this seems more like a Monster Energy kind of meeting. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1804 Get a chair for the freak. 1.2707 0.04151 133 99 32 2
1805 Sorry guys...the lunch cart was all out of bagels. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1806 All in favor of impeaching the human scum, say 'Aye!' 1.2707 0.05021 133 106 18 9
1807 This is Steve, He’s a sex offender 1.2707 0.05021 133 106 18 9
1808 Let's take a break, guys. Lunch has arrived. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1809 He says his name is Noah. What a joke. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1810 Mr. President, you've officially drained the Swamp. 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1811 Ahh, the main course has arrived! 1.2707 0.04906 133 105 20 8
1812 It’s not Fred’s fault that the rest of you forgot to wear a Halloween costume. 1.2707 0.04286 133 100 30 3
1813 Professor Walters will describe his research on the dangers of radiation. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1814 You asked for diversity... 1.2707 0.04286 133 100 30 3
1815 Ejkwivnok bvrpit jabebebnok!" (Order lunch? This stupid human doesn't realize he's lunch!) "El-el-el-ha-ha-ha! 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1816 Please welcome our new Director of Outreach Services 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1817 Chairman Schiff Will See You Now. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1818 He’s either our new diversity hire or tonight’s dinner 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1819 Hey human guy, what are you doing on our planet ? 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1820 Shall the representative of earth be given a chance to explain - yes or no? 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1821 Meet Phil, our diversity hire. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1822 To complete our diversity initiative, I've hired Bob here to be our official mansplainer. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
1823 I know "Monsters and a human Inc." isn't as catchy, but we need to diversify. 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1824 I warned you that the new board member is weird looking and is always wearing a costume, so don't stare 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
1825 We think that this costume, which we are planning to market for next year’s Halloween, will scare the bejesus out of everyone. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
1826 All in favor, say "Arrrrg." 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1827 We've invited Brad here today to try to explain this whole 'Trump' thing to the group. Brad, the floor is yours. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1828 I assigned Sid to scare that bed wetter Timmy Gordon. This is gonna be fun. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1829 So, ham and swiss on rye for everyone? 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1830 I'd like you all to welcome Bob to the Species Extinction Club. 1.2692 0.04734 130 101 23 6
1831 Digby here is joining us from accounting, and...Leonard! Leonard, you're staring again. 1.2692 0.04734 130 101 23 6
1832 This is Netflix, we'll option anything 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1833 So the ayes have it, Humans are the new acting dominant species until Cockroaches are available. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1834 So glad I am not the only one in the Oval Office! 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1835 This is my new assistant, Jeffery. He's participating in our new diversity program. 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1836 Houston, we have a problem! 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1837 I'd like to welcome Brian to the team. Once you get to know him, you'll realize he's really one of us. 1.2692 0.04734 130 101 23 6
1838 In conclusion, Bill says if we play are cards right, a lucky few of us will have cameos on Sesame Street 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1839 I'm afraid we need to cut costs... from now on, some of you will have to sleep under kids' beds together. 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1840 Okay, here's the deal. He's the boss's nephew. So we have to pretend that the only guy with pants is not the guy that keeps shitting his pants. 1.2692 0.04339 130 98 29 3
1841 This is my husband, John. He'll be joining us for dinner. 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1842 Gerald, we've all gathered here today to tell you that you are loved, and it breaks our heart to watch alcohol destroy your life. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1843 Congratulations on an existentially frightening Halloween, everyone. But special kudos to this season’s most chilling monstrosity, Presidential Apologist Phil 1.2692 0.04734 130 101 23 6
1844 You are right, Gilmok. The new manager IS a monster! 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1845 Fine, eat the intern, but he’s on our health plan. Don’t come crying to me when premiums go up. 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1846 post climate change oil company board meeting 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1847 Any other comments on Alan’s nightmare forecasts? 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1848 He's the new diversity manager. 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1849 Jonathan here will take over for me on nights when I'm out going bump. 1.2692 0.04979 130 103 19 8
1850 Hank, here, is our minority hire. 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1851 Thank you Gryx, for that excellent report on the West Wing. 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1852 Due to inappropriate workplace probing, Carl is here to conduct a full-day sensitivity workshop. 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1853 He’s a Corporate Tax Attorney 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1854 Everyone, meet Brian. He's taking over Human Resources. 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1855 Finally, a board room with some diversity. 1.2687 0.04515 134 103 26 5
1856 Actually, we're all diversity hires. 1.2687 0.04389 134 102 28 4
1857 Everyone, meet our new Diversity Officer, Bob. 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
1858 Now Hal is going to show us how we can not just wear the suit, but really rock it. 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
1859 Let’s move along to our perennially awkward topic, the Christmas party menu. 1.2685 0.05675 108 87 13 8
1860 I'm sorry sir. You don't meet the minimum height for this meeting. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1861 They wanted biodiversity and now they have biodiversity. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
1862 Our new lawyer puts you all to shame. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1863 Hello class let me introduce you to our newest monster. And get this, he's a human. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1864 Due to recent shifting in our political landscape,President Trump had to ditch you. 1.2667 0.05624 105 84 14 7
1865 Before we begin, I’ll take your lunch orders. Are there any vegetarians, Celiacs, or Apex-Predators with us today? 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1866 Is anyone else creeped out by the new accountant? 1.2656 0.04503 128 98 26 4
1867 Our goal this year is to eat the competition for lunch! 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
1868 Please welcome our newest member, Martin Shkreli. 1.2656 0.05141 128 103 16 9
1869 I can't believe I have to say this again, but the front parking lot is for monster trucks only. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1870 Let's all welcome Jerry to the book club 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1871 Who let this guy into the cabinet meeting? 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1872 Kids, before you go out, keep in mind, Halloween is sometimes scary. Just remember, people are NOT real, o.k.?! ...there’s a human behind me isn’t there? 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1873 Brian's expertise is to scare kids with real estate bubble burst and financial recessions. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1874 I know he's not much to look at. But Bob has a knack for putting people at ease. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1875 I know he looks odd, but one of our priorities is to add diversity to the staff. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1876 Meet Bernie Shimmelman, a partner in the company’s law firm. And you think we’re monsters. 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1877 when the teacher interrupts the conversation 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1878 Casual Friday" got scrapped for 'True Inner Self Monday" - check your memos and lose the skinsuit 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1879 They say my management style is a little cold blooded. 1.2640 0.04564 125 101 18 6
1880 I suggest we recommend Howard here to be head of Trump's Space Force. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1881 You may be the odd man out on this one 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1882 As part of our Diversity initiative I'm inviting a human to join the Board. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1883 We've invited a very special guest for supper tonight. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1884 This is Bill, he's our new Director of Diversity​ and Inclusion. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1885 Yes, this is a dream! Now sit down and shut up. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1886 We all need to be more broad minded now. He's not nearly as bad as he looks. 1.2640 0.04272 125 94 29 2
1887 Ernie, here, has a new slant on evolution. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1888 Everybody be quiet! Here comes the weird guy! 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1889 Look who came to the Board Meeting as an executive! 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1890 He may not look it but trust me, Harold's the biggest monster here. 1.2640 0.04420 125 98 23 4
1891 He's our new head of HR and I'm telling you, he's a monster. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1892 Rodney is here from the Census - he's confused which box to check. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1893 Just give it a chance. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1894 We have a special guest to talk of his personal experience in overcoming alienation 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1895 What's this one supposed to be? 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1896 He’s uglier than a dog! 1.2640 0.04970 125 98 19 7
1897 Let's pick this up after lunch. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1898 Who let that spoon in? 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1899 Let's give Stu, our new Ad Manager, a big FaceBook welcome! 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1900 It’ll be tough to reach a consensus. 1.2640 0.04420 125 98 23 4
1901 Guess who missed the memo about casual Fridays... 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1902 Ah, I see that lunch has arrived 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1903 Since this is about inclusivity, how many of you are female? 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1904 Before we start our haunted house orientation, did everyone complete their I-9 forms? 1.2640 0.04272 125 94 29 2
1905 Maybe just weird enough to become a new advertising icon. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1906 Look, I know we have some differences but... 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1907 This is Dave, he doesn't clap during the Friends theme song 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1908 Great, then it's settled. Only blurry, terrible photos of us. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1909 Check out this mutant they sent to serve us! 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1910 Might I suggest a rare psilocybe azurescens '15 for dessert? 1.2640 0.05223 125 101 15 9
1911 We need the diversity, and in a pinch we can eat him. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1912 You folks should know that the beauty pageant doesn't start until next Saturday 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1913 Ah, here’s the diversity coach now. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1914 Bob proposes that we promote more diversity in our workplace. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1915 Look what I brought for dinner. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1916 all In favor of this defenseless, toothless, clawless, furless species to take care of our planet say aye! 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1917 Yes, climate change can be confusing... just look at Newt and explain how he got here. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1918 We’ve never had a lookalike contest—what a great idea! 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1919 Hey, it just a matter of eight degrees of separation. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1920 Members of the jury ;Guilty or not guilty? I'll flip the coin. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1921 Let me begin by promising you all that this is not going to be another beauty contest. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1922 There There's always someone who didn't get the memo --- it said "casual dress" 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1923 Why do you have to take the minutes? Opposable thumbs. Duh. 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1924 I think you all know Bernie from Human Resources. 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1925 Which of you weren’t evoked?” 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1926 Climate change is the perfect gift for all of us, well maybe not the guy on my left 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1927 This is Norman from Nonhuman Resources. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1928 I'm putting the band back together. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1929 We'll start with the usual. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1930 I'd like to introduce lunch. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1931 Please give a warm welcome to our new Chief Uniformity Officer! 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1932 Shall we skip straight to dessert, then? 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1933 Typical of HR to send a human to teach us about diversity and inclusion 1.2640 0.04272 125 94 29 2
1934 Gentlemen, I suggest we break for lunch. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1935 This is Roger, he's the new intern 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1936 Bob, your Halloween costume would scare anyone 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1937 Our new board member isn't a monster, but he can be very hurtful." 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1938 I would like to introduce Morty; he is terrible on the inside. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1939 His last job was CEO of WeWork 1.2636 0.04985 129 103 18 8
1940 Earth is withdrawing from the United Federation of Planets. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1941 I see the representative from Earth is here. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1942 The secret to success is diversification 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1943 Didn't you get the memo ? It's casual Friday ! 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1944 pay no attention to the elephant in the room! 1.2636 0.04985 129 103 18 8
1945 He wants to sell us artificial skins. He calls them 'clothes.' 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1946 I'll entertain a motion to seat the new species at the table. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1947 Who invited the weird-looking guy? 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1948 Remember that blue dwarf planet in sector f478? 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1949 This is NOT a lunch break! 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1950 I ordered in for lunch. 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 29 2
1951 Yeah, he's a monster just like us! You ever heard of the #MeToo movement? 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1952 And here's Max, all grown up and ready to join the firm. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1953 Jack has joined us as a human resources manager. 1.2636 0.04336 129 101 24 4
1954 The new guy must be living on another planet. Who wears a suit on casual Friday? 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1955 Everybody thought that Tim was a little overdressed 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1956 George is here today to discuss our action against the Suess estate 1.2636 0.04985 129 103 18 8
1957 Everyone, this is George, the new emissary from earth. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1958 This is Clyde from Human Resources. 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1959 Relax ladies, Mr. Bryznick is already spoken for. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1960 Yes, we come from vastly different regions of the galaxy but we all hate millennials. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1961 Folks, this is John, our Diversity Officer 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1962 Any thoughts on how to avoid impeachment? 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1963 You’ve been chosen to provide some diversity. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1964 Ladies and gentlemen, meet Norman, our new Director of Diversity 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1965 Everyone, Carlo with Amicus Consulting is here to coach us toward a more diverse, inclusive culture. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1966 Why wait for coffee? Let's eat him now! 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1967 Zuglak doesn't seem to know that Halloween is over. 1.2636 0.04736 129 104 18 7
1968 Welcome to the Amphibian Support Group. Anyone need water before we begin? 1.2636 0.05105 129 104 16 9
1969 Welcome to the 1st Jurassic & Extraterrestrial Clone orientation 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1970 Our board needs diversity to conquer new markets. This is John, he’s human. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1971 He's here from Adorable Adoptions, Inc. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1972 Timmy’s nightmares: I want fresh ideas, and I want ‘em quick. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1973 You weren't here. So we chose your planet to be destroyed next. We sent the Trump monster that no one else wants. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but we know his heart's in it. He'll get it done eventually. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1974 Before we order, does anyone have any food allergies? 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1975 Alright. All those in favor say "Orragunthaaa" 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1976 We’ll all have Lattes. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1977 Ok I get it. He is too weird to stay with us 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
1978 Someone forgot to tell Pete that it's Casual Friday. 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
1979 If you can get past the looks, Smith is quite talented. 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
1980 Dino has invited Mr. Addams for dinner. 1.2619 0.05186 126 101 15 9
1981 Everyone, this is Jake. He loaded the toilet paper the wrong way. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1982 Who do you think you are? 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1983 I urge you all to weigh in on our latest EEO allegation. 1.2619 0.04390 126 96 27 3
1984 Today for lunch we are having a buffet. Please meet Mr. Buffet. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1985 How did he get past security? 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
1986 Okay, so we've done our own countries... Now Let's Make Earth Great Again! 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
1987 They're called 'normies'. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1988 Ah, dinner time. Who ordered the Happy Meal?" 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
1989 Let's give a warm welcome to Jerry, our Halloween costume judge. 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
1990 So, who’s the odd man out? 1.2602 0.04594 123 97 21 5
1991 Dinner is served. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1992 Keep an open mind. Our boardroom needs some diversity. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1993 All those in favor of Bob being lunch, raise your appendage. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1994 Our guest speaker is here to give us some corporate tips on how to be a soulless monster on the inside. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1995 Please welcome the new member of the diversity committee. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1996 It's what's inside that counts. 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
1997 Pronouns, please. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1998 Ughh... who's gonna tell the new guy we're a nudist company? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1999 I'd like you all to meet our new 'diversity' hire. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2000 As part of our new diversity hiring program, I'd like to welcome Bob to the team! 1.2602 0.04294 123 96 24 3
2001 Great more mansplaining ! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2002 I'd like to introduce our new spokesperson" 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2003 It's OK to strongly disagree with the human, but eating him is against the rules. 1.2602 0.05270 123 100 14 9
2004 The polls show I lead Trump by double digits! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2005 For diversity’s sake. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2006 I'd like to introduce our new intern, and please, no jokes about his looks. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2007 Anyone else think that guy's vacant stare is kinda creepy? 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2008 He will be the face of our new campaign. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2009 Say hello to our new diversity hire! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2010 Who brought in Dick from Finance? I can't digest him. 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
2011 Gentlemen, this is Jenkins - lets all try to make him feel at home. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2012 Next topic: Extinction 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2013 Welcome to Trump's Huuuuge New Swamp! 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
2014 It's agreed! No more Mr. Nice Guy! Tomorrow, we're breaking out of this zoo! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2015 You know, sometimes this "diversity" policy can go too far! 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
2016 Remember folks, we welcome diversity here! 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2017 Hi, and welcome to Animal’s Anonymous. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2018 Are we really ready to invoke the 25th amendment? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2019 Welcome to our newest salesman. I know, he's hideous but his species is a niche market we're trying to develop and if he doesn't work out I hear they are delicious. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2020 Who invited him? 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2021 Straight white guy, on behalf of the monster’s hall of fame, welcome. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2022 This is Henry, our new intern from, uh, was it Earth, Henry? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2023 When I said equal employment opportunity, I meant humans also. 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
2024 Please don't laugh. Everyone is welcome here. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2025 Oh no, am I thousand of years early? 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2026 I’m glad to see we value diversity at this company. 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
2027 Under new galactic regulations, we have to have at least one male on our board, everybody say hi to Adam 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2028 Tried and true, this "look" is planetary! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2029 I’d like to introduce our newest member, Larry, from Earth. He’s going to explain Halloween to us. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2030 The first item on today's agenda is the need for diversification. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2031 No, it's not lunch, it's the new head of Human Resources. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2032 Isn't human face a good costume? 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
2033 And this is E.F. Hutton! 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2034 Mark has a plan to replace Obamacare. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2035 He creeps me out too but H.R. says we have no choice. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2036 So, it's unanimous, if he gets the lobster claw prosthetics by the end of the month and he's hired. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2037 Keep your mouth shut, he's flammable. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2038 Look at those vacuous eyes, the unsettling smile... Dave's grotesque mug is the gold standard we strive for at this corporation. Take notes. 1.2602 0.05270 123 100 14 9
2039 As they say , there's the human in the room. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2040 Ménage à sept. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2041 This is Ted, our new CPA. Oh wait, no, he's our lunch. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2042 Although not exactly one of us he is a descendant of Hieronymus Bosch. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2043 Can one of you hide under my ex-wife's bed tonight? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2044 Who's the nerd with the tie? 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2045 I thought we should have a board member who isn’t part of ”The Base”. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2046 He claims we still haven't met our diversity goals. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2047 Let's all welcome our special guest, Dinner. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2048 This is all that’s left of my amazing, huge cabinet? 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2049 So we agree: Trump's our swamp's leader, right or wrong! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2050 Once again, we’ve lost track of Bigfoot. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2051 Shall we break for lunch? 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2052 This is Steve. He'll be working with us on a visitors visa. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2053 I think we’ve taken casual Friday as far as we can 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2054 Whats with the funny looking guy in the costume? 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
2055 Oh sorry. Wrong room. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2056 I met Joe at the bar during that 'Star Wars' scene. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2057 So, we are all agreed. We will eat Ted here, for lunch. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2058 Who let the Democrat in? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2059 As he walked in to the meeting, Bill suddenly realized that his coworkers were a bunch of monsters. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
2060 . . . and he'll be with us 'til lunch. And that thing is called a suit. Kinda like peeling a banana, though . . . 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2061 Let's come up with a name for our new shoe company. 1.2602 0.04737 123 98 19 6
2062 Meet Steve. He is our new image consultant for the coming election. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2063 It looks like Morris here is the only one who cares to wear a costume for Halloween. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2064 May I introduce a new Member , he us called a Human 1.2602 0.04136 123 92 30 1
2065 I understand, but HR is directing us to focus on diversity. 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
2066 Meet our new head of Diversity. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2067 We said business casual, Representative Earth 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2068 Thank you leaders of the free world for coming together today. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2069 We agreed business casual, Herb. 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
2070 Who wants to play odd man out? 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2071 I would like to officially inaugurate 'Take Your Human to Work' Day. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2072 With our new partner here coming on board, we'll be changing the firm's name to Smith, McCloud, Schaeffer, Klein and X-Gezornenplat 17, LLC. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2073 We needed someone more human. 1.2602 0.04294 123 93 28 2
2074 It's not because he's my stepson, I just think he deserves the promotion. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
2075 I know Joe here would be an odd choice for membership on the board but maybe it’s time to diversify. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
2076 Dan from Accounting is here to add a white male POV. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
2077 I thought about going vegan, but I just love being a humanitarian. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
2078 He isn’t a very physical specimen, but on his planet money seems to be very important. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
2079 Who invited the nerd? 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2080 The Eyes have it. 1.2581 0.05105 124 100 16 8
2081 So it's settled. A giant meteorite for the next mass extinction. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
2082 You're right--it's going to be difficult reducing our differences. 1.2581 0.04704 124 97 22 5
2083 He says Donald will provide the funds if we can dig up some dirt on Hunter Biden. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
2084 And now Jim will explain why his species should be spared. 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
2085 The motion on the table is to come out the closet for once and for all 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
2086 Well we finally have a diverse Board 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
2087 This is Ted, he's an investment banker. Yes, they exist. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2088 Everyone, I'd like to introduce Norm. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2089 If televangelism isn't monstrous, I don't know what is. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2090 Today we introduce full diversity. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2091 Diversity hire. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2092 I’m the team, Mulvaney. This is just the team in my head. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2093 Bob is here to talk with us about how wearing a tie will improve our foreign affairs initiative. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2094 People for the Ethical Treatment of Humans” have been harassing us again. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2095 The temp agency called him a magical candidate. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2096 So how high are we going to build the wall? 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2097 Time for lunch break. The Uber Eats delivery came." 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2098 Shut up egghead. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2099 I just want you to know that I'm getting help and I'm OK with you calling me Mr. Ugly. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2100 And, here's our first volunteer from our ‘How to Serve Man’ marketing campaign. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2101 I invited him! We need new blood! 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2102 Do not worry, he comes in peas. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2103 What say we hit the beach in Cancun now that Halloween is over? 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2104 Thank you all for your time today. This session is about image awareness. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2105 I’ll have a George Lucas with a twist! 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2106 This committee is convened 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2107 Please welcome the caucasoid. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2108 If you’re looking for the cultural sensitivity training, you’re in the right place. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2109 Wow! Your costumes are out of this world. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2110 I totally disagree. I think we should run another story about conspiracy theories. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2111 I know it seems a bit unorthodox, but wait until he starts talking about taxes. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2112 Before we decide who's next for dinner I'd like you to meet my new intern. 1.2574 0.04484 101 81 15 4
2113 Just treat him like you would any normal employee. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2114 I’d like to introduce our new Human Resources VP. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2115 This is Fred with our new hiring policies. Anyone hungry? 1.2574 0.04804 101 77 22 2
2116 Our new recruit. Wait till his mustache grows back. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2117 So - who has a unique idea for what to do? 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2118 Welcome our newest member to the Extinct Species Board of Directors. 1.2574 0.05006 101 80 17 4
2119 Everybody this is Teds first day. Lets see what he has to vomit. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2120 Annual reviews are never fun. Unfortunately, this year management has decided to eat you. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2121 Hey, everyone. Meet Brandon, our new diversity hire. 1.2574 0.04804 101 77 22 2
2122 Welcome the new monster under the bed -the mattress salesman! 1.2574 0.05912 101 83 10 8
2123 Our guest will help us to overcome our fears that humans find us disgusting, creepy and unlovable. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2124 Dan, for the last time, Halloween is over already. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2125 Ah, here is our dinner now. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2126 Who is the guy in the funny suit? 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2127 And we all know what happens when a player is eliminated in musical chairs? 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2128 Everyone, please welcome our newest monster: crippling depression 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2129 Okay, team, this is Bill from HR. He thinks we should also post jobs on Linkedin and Indeed. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2130 I see you've all dressed up as Mark from accounting. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2131 Come on Steve, it was business casual today. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2132 This is Jim. He's from Human Resources. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2133 Hey, you know the rules. If you're late bring worms and flies snacks. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2134 I know it looks disgusting, but it tastes delicious! 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2135 Who forgot to tell him today is business casual? 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2136 It's called a suit. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2137 Ahh, I see lunch has arrived! 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2138 Oh good, someone finally beamed up dinner. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2139 It's OK,he's just my personal attorney. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2140 Okay. Can I laugh now? 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2141 and what are you supposed to be, Carl? 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2142 This is not how I imagined they would look naked... 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2143 Well I’m glad at least one person decided to dress up for Halloween. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2144 He says he’s quitting because he thinks he doesn’t fit in 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2145 Okay, the odd one's out! 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2146 Darwin here feels there's been a bit of a mix up. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2147 Meet our new Director of Diversity. 1.2574 0.05743 101 81 12 7
2148 The next agenda item is branding. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2149 He may not look like he’ll fit in, but I’ve been assured that there’s a beast in him. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2150 Anyone who needs to phone home can use my office 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2151 Let me introduce you to Max. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2152 Martin is our replacement attorney. You’re fired if you eat him. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2153 Our climate change strategy was a success. Steven, methane all around! 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2154 I see we're going to start from scratch at our first annual intreglacial peace treaty. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2155 Can you tell me if the souls of the damned are gluten-free? 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2156 And now the report on what weird things happen after wearing shoes. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2157 Rumors of a company scale-down had tongues wagging. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2158 Go easy on him. He's obviously new here. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2159 And to the left of me, here today to add much-needed levity, is my nephew, aspiring standup comedian Stanley Silberman. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
2160 Please welcome Michael to his new role as our snack. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2161 Not all humans are alike! Trust me, this kind is actually a monster. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
2162 This is Tom. Tom is our new Steve. 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
2163 So guys, apparently "Monsters, Inc." is taken. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2164 Okay, everybody! Get out your voting pads! It's time again to play "Dinner or Guest?" 1.2562 0.04317 121 92 27 2
2165 Ah, just in time for lunch. 1.2562 0.05186 121 98 15 8
2166 Guys, Ikzorp here, is dressed as a CPA. 1.2562 0.04474 121 93 25 3
2167 I know what you're all thinking but this board has to diversify. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2168 Let's give Stan our full attention, then we'll break for...lunch. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2169 He is one of those 23 and Me surprises you've read so much about. Meet our new Excutive Vice President, Todd. 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
2170 I’d like to introduce Bill, the new head of our diversity hiring program. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2171 Good costume Kraken, but you’re a day early... we’re not celebrating Halloween until TOMORROW! 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
2172 That ‘Take me to your leader’ stuff is so old. I said ‘Take me to a casino.’ 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
2173 Alien Union members, we should never have let the UK join in the first place. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2174 We have voted you off the island 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2175 I would argue that being the creator of the song "Baby Shark" makes him more than qualified. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2176 Please welcome Dave. He merges without signaling. 1.2562 0.04154 121 93 26 2
2177 Herbert claims to have a lizard brain. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2178 I'll admit he may look ugly, but his resume is beautiful. 1.2562 0.04474 121 93 25 3
2179 Oh, I didn't get the memo we weren't doing costumes this year 1.2562 0.04474 121 93 25 3
2180 Yet Only One was a true "Internet Troll" 1.2562 0.04914 121 96 19 6
2181 This is a tasty new species we are now advertising 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2182 Where’s the elephant in this room? 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2183 So who shall be the devil's advocate? 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2184 This is Bob, a white heterosexual male who hasn’t sexually assaulted anyone. This makes him as rare as each of us! 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2185 They weren't joking about the US Space Force. 1.2562 0.04474 121 93 25 3
2186 And I stress again that our new hire diversity policy recommends conversation over consumption. 1.2562 0.05318 121 99 13 9
2187 It was at this exact moment that Bob knew he had found his people. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2188 The public already thinks we've infested EVERY candidate. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2189 Here is the latest addition to our Halloween costumes line - human suit. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2190 Welcome, Tom! We think you’ll bring a much-needed human element to this board’s decisions. 1.2562 0.04317 121 92 27 2
2191 This is Bob, he's a sales monster. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2192 Bill understands social media. 1.2562 0.04154 121 91 29 1
2193 Welcome fellow cabinet members. The President will join us shortly. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2194 I think we need to discuss the elephant in the room. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
2195 What did I say about using coasters? 1.2562 0.04914 121 96 19 6
2196 We need to think outside Pandora's box. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2197 Please welcome John, our new head of sentient resources. 1.2562 0.04317 121 92 27 2
2198 Here's our new PR guy. He will be able to kill this "Drain the Swamp" mania. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2199 Listen up you animals. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2200 I know, I know. His tie is hideous. Try not to mention it though, okay? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
2201 All in favor of making No-Pants Friday official say "Aye." 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
2202 We decided we needed a token homo erectus. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
2203 Albert here has been an actor's agent for years and comes highly recommended by R2D2. 1.2541 0.05015 122 98 17 7
2204 It's time to address the 150-pound human in the room. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
2205 Work has been scarce since Episode IV, so I think it's time we unionize. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
2206 What Gus brings to The League of Monsters are puns and dad jokes. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2207 I want to thank you for helping me organize this meeting here today. And also the heads of the other Families. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2208 After the meeting, we'll have a snack." David McNair 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2209 I suggest the tartare. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2210 We will get started as soon as the elephant leaves the room. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2211 I'd like to welcome our newest associate Mr. Mann....... 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2212 Before her description of him changes, let's welcome Bob to the Karen's ex's society. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2213 And they're gluten-free and Non-GMO! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2214 We're being sued by George Lucas. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2215 Let me introduce Bob, our lunch. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2216 I'm providing lunch. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2217 I see being a nudist is alien to you. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2218 In an effort to increase our diversity, I would like to introduce our newest board member ... a straight white male. 1.2521 0.04339 119 93 23 3
2219 Everyone meet Tom. He’s horrifying on the inside. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2220 Joe here is going to teach us how to assume the form of human politicians. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2221 Bob is here to represent our minority shareholders. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2222 Please welcome Mike, our new Internet troll. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2223 This is John, our diversity hire. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2224 Please welcome Bob Whiteman, our diversity trainer. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2225 HR Nightmare: ...'Monstrosity' is our word, Kevin. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2226 As we've not been tearing them to pieces enough, I've invited a banker to join us. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2227 Stop making excuses, no pinsching! 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2228 He’s our new diversity recruit. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2229 Everyone, this is the guy we're thinking of casting as "Han Solo". 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2230 Please don't stare, he's very self-conscious. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2231 Next on Agenda: Community Gentrification 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2232 Meet Norman. He has some wild and crazy ideas to add. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2233 Are you guys still figuring out the meaning of the end of Game of Thrones. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2234 Bill here is from Disney Pixar to talk to us about our company name. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2235 So, does he satisfy the diversity goal? 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2236 Have you met George, our Republican strategist! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2237 Good morning everyone, I'd like to introduce Jeff, who's joining us as CFO. And please, for the sake of our fiscal year, let's try not to eat this one. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2238 Did we forget to tell Bob about casual Friday? 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2239 Break for lunch? 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2240 Listen, you're gonna have to bring your own chair to the meeting next time. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2241 Mr. Meyer is our newest diversity and inclusion employee. Let's hope he tastes better than the last one. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2242 You should have specified whose dream team you were assembling. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2243 This species has cloth covering most of its trunk and a striped thing around its neck? What evolutionary purpose might they serve? 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2244 You all know Ted, our Chief Diversity Officer. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2245 All those in favor of letting Earth join the federation, say “Aye.” 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2246 He became part of the family now that we are all Vegan. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2247 Bob here's come all the way from planet Earth to pitch us on ESG and what it can do for our bottom line 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2248 Guys! Your attention please! I'm delighted to tell you it's dessert time! 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2249 He is from Earth. Let’s not judge. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2250 Monster.com has decided to go a different direction with its new CEO. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2251 Stay away from the water cooler. Someone spiked it with LSD. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2252 Well, well! Look who the cat dragged in! 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2253 C'mon, fellas. This is the diversity meeting after all. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2254 Creatures, meet our new VP of marketing Mr. Hal O. Ween. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2255 Am I the only one who dressed in costume? 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2256 Kevin is here to help us think inside the box. 1.2521 0.04656 119 92 22 4
2257 Phil, we told you it was business casual. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2258 Enough pie-in-the-sky. Let's get down to earth. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2259 He's part of the company's new diversity hiring policy. He'll just be getting us our morning lattes. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2260 Barry, Barry, you trying time get us in a lawsuit? Humans are no different than anyone else. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2261 You’re creepy, Fred 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2262 Henry here is our new hire... please refrain from eating him until after his 90 day probationary period 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2263 The CPA says all of us are overdrawn, literally. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2264 I come in peace 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2265 Malcolm here thinks we should have a costume party on Halloween to boost morale around the office. What do you say, are we in? 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2266 The diversity and inclusiveness committee will be starting shortly 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2267 "Alright, all those in favor of clothed bipeds as prey, please raise your paw." 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2268 Did I misread the flyer? Repp ties only, right? 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2269 I'd like to introduce the newest blood-curdling monster to our group. This is Andy, aka the Wolf of Wall Street. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2270 And now, let the wild Trumpus start! 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2271 May I introduce you to Carlos. He knows all about being an alien on Earth. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2272 I’d like you all to welcome Todd, our new dinner...I mean intern. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2273 Today we want to welcome a new member of the the team who brings in new perspectives 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2274 He may look different on the outside but he’s just like us on the inside 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2275 Allow me to introduce Nick, our new diversity hire 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2276 This is Ted, he will be leading the diversity initiative 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2277 In a bit we'll be ordering lunch. I hope none of you are vegans. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2278 Who is the ugly strange dude? 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2279 Oh hi Mark. 1.2521 0.03421 119 98 17 2
2280 Gentlemen, Todbot has a traffic update for us. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2281 And gluten free! 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2282 Obviously George didn’t get the Halloween costume memo. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2283 Any ideas why that Noah guy didn't choose Us for his Ark?! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2284 I know that he is unusual, but I think he will fit in. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2285 Look fellas, he said the call was perfect! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2286 Look, it's a marketing crisis when some politicians are way more horrifying than we are. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2287 I thought it was just a movie. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2288 I know he looks like a super freak, but welcome our newest board member. We are committed to diversity. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2289 I don't feel like deli today. What say we just eat Bryan? 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2290 No Xarglebog, Jonathan wasn’t a diversity hire. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2291 Please welcome Jeff to species bias training. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2292 You all remember Human. He's evolved a bit. 1.2521 0.04172 119 90 28 1
2293 You can put your human costumes back on, the president's cabinet meeting is adjoined. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2294 I see lunch has arrived so we’ll take a break. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2295 All in favor of agreeing with the EPA that out product does not do genetic raise your right hand, if you have one. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2296 With Gork here under cover at the IRS, we’ll pay less in taxes than Jeff Bezos! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2297 OK, so we have agreed: Things will be looking up. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2298 Say hello to my son-in-law. No biting. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2299 Apparently ‘business as usual’ is no more. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2300 Our attorney will fight to return dignity to ALL monsters! 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2301 Time to break for lunch guys. Will one human be enough? 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2302 Do we an agenda or a menu? 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2303 We just find Monsters Inc. a little offensive. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2304 Well, let's just say he's the odd man out... 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2305 I think Ted's hallucinating again. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2306 Just wait, you haven't heard his stance on vaccines yet. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2307 He wants to know if we have any dirt on Binden. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2308 Don't worry, you will blend in after we alienate you. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2309 He's today's lunch. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2310 The Alien Conference invite clearly said, "Birthday Suit Required"...not "Business Suit Attire." 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2311 He wants us to be less exclusive. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2312 This year I’m thankful for nail files, without which we would have even more scratches in the table. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2313 I know he’s scary but he’s joining the board! 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2314 Mission Accomplished! Our attorney here confirms the swamp has been fully drained. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2315 Corporate has been pushing us on affirmative action. Meet Bill. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2316 Who ordered the 'Monday Special ' on white? 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2317 Roger here represents the new normal.... 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2318 Since you asked: she/her/hers 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2319 Here's our new minority Board member . 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2320 I dare any of you to call him ‘normal’ to his face. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2321 Now that we finally have diversity on the board... 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2322 Frederick here would like to join the club. What’s ya think? 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2323 "Okay everybody lets just go about our business and no staring 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2324 Say hello to Harold. I have hired him as part of our new diversity policy. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2325 Can we please stop calling him a diversity hire? 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2326 A suit as a halloween costume - great idea! 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2327 Welcome to the annual "Mythic Creatures" luncheon, it's my pleasure to introduce our newest member, Doug, who is a lawyer - and a good person. Welcome, Doug! 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2328 This is Chip from marketing. He'll be lunch. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2329 Mr. Smith is here to observe our diversity training workshop. 1.2521 0.05232 119 97 14 8
2330 Meet Hal, from Human resources 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2331 It's time we got real. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2332 Let's start with an economic report from the galaxy Centaurus A 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2333 Today’s special includes filet of sweet maidens 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2334 Here's our newest Halloween costume: Human. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2335 This is Bertram, our new head of Human Resources. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2336 Should our next topic be diversity? or lunch? 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2337 Bob’s scary specialty is corporate litigation. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2338 Ignore the freak who just came in 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2339 Glenn is our new head of HR, pardon the anachronism. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2340 Today we will hear from Dr.Bernanke on freakonomics. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2341 Get lost, Sapiens! We're talking Global you-know-what. 1.2521 0.05232 119 97 14 8
2342 I wants to reminds you once again of our new policy - Do not eats the IT guy! 1.2521 0.05232 119 97 14 8
2343 Thanks for coming. I love the diversity of this focus group! 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2344 Please welcome our new scales manager. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2345 Easy folks! It's his first week and I forgot to tell him about "Be Yourself Fridays". 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
2346 Bill, here, is going to tell us how we can succeed as a team. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2347 Please welcome our new Director of Diversity. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2348 No, he says on his planet he's normal-looking. 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2349 After presenting the annual report, Fred here will read his poem on the beauty of unlimited profit. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2350 Our diversity VP did a great job. Let's eat him. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2351 Hey guys, knock it off. Mick here wants to know how many of you will be going by Ark to Mar-a-Lago. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2352 And this is Jeremy, our terrestrial intern 1.2521 0.03997 119 89 30 0
2353 So we're not gonna build that wall after all. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2354 So this really weird creature came into the bar--you've got to see to believe! And by invitation, here he is! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
2355 The Assimilation Department assures me things will be much easier if we stick to the white male skinsuit. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2356 I'm sorry that Bigfoot couldn't be here. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2357 We will break for lunch. This is Irwin, and he comes in pieces 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2358 Everyone please welcome Gary, the newest member of the Republican National Committee. 1.2500 0.05320 116 95 13 8
2359 I think my resume speaks for itself. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2360 Mr.President, they are waiting for you 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2361 I say we kill him and eat him here. All in favor? 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2362 Should we order lunch, or should we just eat what's here? 1.2500 0.04467 120 92 24 3
2363 And before we commence with the new business, I’d like to introduce our new accountant, Mr. Bialystok... 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
2364 Great News, the Arc Park will fit you into its narrative. 1.2500 0.05320 116 95 13 8
2365 Who’s the goofy nerd in the suit? 1.2500 0.05923 96 79 10 7
2366 The topic for today is "what is reality?" 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2367 Hello 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2368 Everybody meet Brad, our lunch. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2369 Isn't this better? Meeting in a damp cave was a little overkill. 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2370 'tell me about your greatest boss again' 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2371 Oh, sorry Kevin, when you were hired, I completely forgot to mention the Casual Fridays dress code. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2372 And please stop referring to Henderson as our 'diversity' hire" 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2373 As the administration's former acting deputy communications chief, he'll be able to take us to their leader. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2374 So,lust,gluttony,greed,sloth,wrath,envy,and pride were all here so who is he? 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2375 Yes, he's a little odd, but he made the smart move to quit the Trump administration and join us! 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2376 I guess no one told the new guy about casual Friday 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2377 Paul is the new lead for our rebranding; he has shown promise on how to truly be a monster. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2378 In light of the recent allegations, Greg from HR is going to walk us through the do's and don'ts of hiding under beds. 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
2379 So, if everyone could go around the table and say your name and what animal kingdom you're from. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2380 And now Professor Lorenz will explain how chaos theory drives change in our company's DNA." 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
2381 He calls himself the Terminator. 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
2382 This is the new prototype to repopulate Earth since they self-destructed by re-electing trump in 2020 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2383 Meet the latest employee from our diversity hiring program. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2384 Our rebranding guy. 1.2500 0.05735 96 78 12 6
2385 Apparently the chef is not allowed to serve live lobsters. 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
2386 Meet Fred, our new head if sales. He’s an animal! 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
2387 Shhh!! Here comes the new guy...what a freak! 1.2500 0.04388 120 95 21 4
2388 Dave, if you would, espresso all around. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2389 Friends, let me introduce Dave from HR, who successfully stopped the Area 51 raid this fall. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2390 From now on, all company bathroom's are gender neutral. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
2391 What's for dinner, you may ask... 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2392 Who invited the oddball ? 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2393 Don't worry, he's been probed, and he still wants to join the board. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2394 At our next intergalactic conference we can discuss climate change and the impact on space ships... 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2395 I really believe we are what we eat. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2396 Join me in welcoming Harris, V.P. of our new Office of Inclusion and Diversity! 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2397 I’m building a mythical kingdom and would appreciate your input. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2398 Lower back butterfly tattoo is next. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2399 Now that everybody is here... 1.2500 0.04879 116 94 16 6
2400 Everyone deserves a seat at the table. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2401 Ah, the first course on the GOP luncheon menu is served: filet of whistleblower. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2402 Who will be taking notes? 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
2403 I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of the Trump team. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
2404 The Universal Council is adding a new member.... 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
2405 All departments have exceeded projections except yours, Blrrrfpt. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
2406 We’re here for the Star Wars tryouts! 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
2407 Unanimous vote. The Creator goes. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
2408 How would you like your lizard cooked? 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
2409 We definitely need to rewrite our “Inclusion Policy”! 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
2410 Ron here will tell us how a human organization works. 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
2411 ‘The suit looks bad, but not as bad as having a spoon for a head.’ 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2412 Edgar is from earth; let's all say "Hi Edgar!" to welcome him. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2413 So please be in touch, and keep up the bad work. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2414 And because of his long experience in D.C., I think Bob here would make a great addition to the League of Swamp Things. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2415 It's Bring a Guy in a Suit to Work Day 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2416 A consultant is here today to tell us about diversity. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2417 Harold here from Legal says we CAN eat the competition alive 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2418 I thought it important that at least one member of the executive team wear clothing. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2419 Please welcome Adam, our newest Misfits Anonymous member. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2420 This is our new intern Norm. Anybody hungry? 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2421 Why aren't you sitting Richard? 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2422 This is a working lunch, so who wants the head? 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2423 Ignore the human in the room. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2424 And now, Jerry from HR with a few questions about his predecessor. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2425 What can the suit bring to the table? Hear him out, he says he's got a Planet B. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2426 We are sorry to inform you that your monstrously ugly looks preclude your employment here at Handsome R Us. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2427 Al, Sarah, Bill, Chris, Jose, Heather- I’d like to introduce you to our new intern, Xengorf. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2428 Personally, I thin it's disgusting when the food gets displayed at the table before the chef kills and cooks it! 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2429 He’s a diversity candidate. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2430 Not to sound like a character from an old Twilight Zone episode, but this guy is hideous. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2431 Why don’t we all go around the table and introduce ourselves. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2432 He might look dumb, but he is capable to shit a planet entirely 1.2456 0.05368 114 94 12 8
2433 Hahahaha! You thought I meant drain the swamp? Make swAmps Great Again is how it is supposed to read. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2434 HR seems to think our dress code is a little TOO casual 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2435 Now Todd from Human Resources will present our extinction benefits package. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2436 I chosen Melvin here to be our new Director of Diversity. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2437 Welcome to our support group: "People don't believe in us." George is new this week. 1.2456 0.04237 114 91 19 3
2438 Given the make-up of our company do we really need a director of Human Resources? 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2439 So what's it going to be guys, pizza or people? 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2440 We have changed the recipe for Coca Cola! 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2441 Everybody,meet Thomas,our new token diversity hire! 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2442 Let's order quickly, before he wakes up! 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2443 Why not? It's time we had someone like Fred on this board. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2444 Welcome, gentlemen, to the inaugural meeting of the Figments of President Trump's Imagination. 1.2456 0.05511 114 95 10 9
2445 Please welcome Carl from Human Resources. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2446 Dinner's here! 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2447 meeting my girlfriends family 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2448 Ladies and Gentlemen of the Board, let me introduce our newest member, who comes to us from the Cenozoic Era. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2449 Who's in favor of just eating the human resources? 1.2456 0.05222 114 93 14 7
2450 I'm proud to say, you are our most diverse cohort yet. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2451 Since we've completed recovery, we can now look and not eat. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2452 Great Halloween costume - a human! 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2453 When he promised to drain the swamp, we just knew he would put us in a better place. Hail to the Chief. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2454 J.B. Goode is here to propose a merger of Goode Incorporated with our company, Bad and Ugly Limited. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2455 And before you assume that Jaworski here is just another diversity hire, I want to you know that I vetted him personally and he comes from an absolutely delicious family. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2456 I'm afraid Noah has some bad news for us. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2457 As an outside director, Brent brings a new level of edibility to the swamp. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2458 Meet our latest...er....Board Membe 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2459 Your meal has been served. 1.2456 0.04755 114 89 20 4
2460 We need to diversify the board 1.2456 0.04237 114 87 26 1
2461 His sales figures are a joke, but let's not forget he's only human. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2462 I've invited Mr. Oswald here to share an idea that many of you might find alien! 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2463 The new guy will us that long-needed human touch. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2464 Remember earthlings are "bitter" and do not taste good! 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2465 H R says we need more diversity on the board. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2466 Trust me. He’s as dumb as he looks. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2467 But he should help settle the lack of diversity issue! 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2468 I’d like to introduce you all to Dave. “Hi Dave!” He’ll be our dinner tonight. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2469 I know he seems a little odd, but he has excellent references. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2470 Yes, I have a cold and I'm not hungry. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2471 He wants to know if we're vegan or vegetarian 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2472 whoo blu the wistil on me? 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2473 We need to stop acting like a bunch of humans 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2474 Bob here says before we invade Earth we need to file an environmental impact statement. I figure that won’t delay us more than a couple of weeks. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2475 Everyone, meet Harald, he will be heading up the new diversity initiative. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2476 Welcome to the Inner Demon Gathering. I'd like to introduce Greg, head of middle school memories. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2477 No, Jeremy is not lunch. He is here to take your deli lunch order. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2478 And, remember, for promotion to this board, we may not consider Mr. Aubrey's personal appearance. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2479 Brian will be heading our diversity taskforce. 1.2456 0.04237 114 87 26 1
2480 Gentlemen, who's got an idea about how to attract prettier women to our pageant? 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
2481 Everyone this is Larry from accounting. I know he looks a bit odd, but wait til you see him after a night of drinking! 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
2482 I vote we completely recast the new 'Star Wars' movie. 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
2483 So do we agree to move the dental floss account to Mr. Wilson's company? 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
2484 Welcome to Unlovables Anonymous. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2485 Taxidermy Joe is exhibit A: ignore climate change, go extinct. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2486 Just remember to grunt on cue. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2487 Robert's rules of Mordor 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2488 I know the side effects were listed in the commercial, doc, but who really thinks it's going to happen to them? 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2489 This is Max, our insurance agent. He'll fit nicely here. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2490 I'd like you to meet Fred - he's our token response to the need for more diversity around here....... 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2491 Now that the cabinet is assembled, what do we do with the weird guy?" 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2492 And to fullfil our diversity requirement, I've invited a Republican. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2493 The reason you are all gathered here today is to revisit the corporate dress code. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2494 He is like Bigfoot in character, but he looks like Trump 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2495 Trust me! When you get to a certain age, “middle-management” gets pretty scary. 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
2496 It's called a Trump Republican - all in favor of it joining our board say aye. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2497 Congratulations on another year of convincing everyone we don't exist. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2498 Please welcome Dave. Our company decided to expand its definition of 'diversity.' 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2499 I know not all of us were fans of the board diversity initiative. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2500 We have a new member in our council of freaks! 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2501 He’s not an illegal . . . DACA Trumps deportation! 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2502 For the last time, Steve. No human suits on casual Friday! 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2503 The 6th Mass Extinction Board Meeting 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2504 In our effort to add some diversity to the board, please welcome Mr. Simon Sneed. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2505 How many more years of evolution do I need before I can get a seat at this table? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2506 Stan here is a human, and would like to join the team. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2507 Jared’s our diversity hire. 1.2411 0.04616 112 87 21 3
2508 I have a 'monster' personality, does that count? 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2509 The accountant lost Duck, Duck, Goose, so we can eat him. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2510 He’s a good lawyer. He might become our consigliere. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2511 I'm glad to see our diversity program is working. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2512 I'd like you all to meet our new committee member. He represents Earth. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2513 Why is Craig the only one in costume? 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2514 Alienation Summit to decide if humans can exist with other beings. Not looking good for humans! 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2515 OK, I get it, he's not green. But Larry here can step foot into places we can't. Trader Joe's for example. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2516 We've run the numbers and doing the mash is not going to keep this company afloat 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
2517 OK, so, sesame street, cartoons, adorable critters, hiding under the bed or in the closet, monsters, so we need to be out and proud! 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2518 We were discussing singularity. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2519 Listen up... this is Jim of planet Earth and he’s here to explain the Earthly phenomenon of eating ass. Please give him a warm round of applause 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2520 Welcoming a unique species like Steve can only enhance the biodiversity that make our tropical island so wonderful. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2521 Everyone...Ben here is going to help us with our public facing social media problem. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2522 I now call the future Democrats of America meeting to order. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2523 Ok, what's everybody dressing up for Halloween ? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2524 My mentor told me to imagine you all naked when I give my speech. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2525 How do you assume to win 'Best Alien Costume' with that? 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2526 Alien Resources has advised us that we need more diversity. Meet Dave. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2527 ... and the newest member of our Nightmare Monsters team, Ted from the IRS 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2528 Welcome brother to the leadership table. We believe and value diversity and inclusion. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2529 Mr. Henderson is here from Monster dot com and he says we are compromising their brand. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2530 Look at that weirdo standing there. Well, I guess it takes all kinds. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2531 For some reason, he's refusing to take us to their leader.... 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2532 Now, it is time for me to introduce you a real Monster. Beware. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2533 James wins the costume contest for something completely bizarre. 1.2411 0.04253 112 86 25 1
2534 James is our diversity hire. 1.2411 0.04528 112 90 18 4
2535 I just thought that it was time we got a little diversity on the board. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2536 I know he's the stuff of nightmares, but we must be 'Inclusive'! 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2537 Please ignore the human in the room. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2538 I’ve brought in Carl to show us how to put our best body part forward. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2539 Peter here is from the Trump administration! 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2540 Next agenda item. Our diversity program. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2541 No, this person is not lunch. He's our new accountant. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2542 Well, Dibbins, how's that for diversity in the boardroom? 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2543 For the third year in a row, Kenneth here has overcome his hideous looks to be our top salesman! 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
2544 We want to welcome Luke Skywalker back from college! He's graduated now and ready to get to work... 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2545 Here to explain race relations, a member of the human race. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2546 Our guest today will talk to us about our evolution since last we met. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2547 We are agreed then. We will not eat the earthling. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2548 This is Bob. He fits in anywhere. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2549 Unlike us, this species wears clothes. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2550 The first meeting of the new normal club is now in session. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2551 This is Dan everyone. He recently dropped out of the presidential race. Naturally, we were able to hire him immediately! Welcome Dan!” 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2552 Since the deli can't deliver today, we're going to just have some spotted Dick. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2553 Any further questions as to when the swamp will be drained? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2554 I say impeach him and then have him for lunch with yams fries and and apple pie. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2555 What is it with these earthlings and their insistence on wearing clothes 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2556 The new acquisition for our zoo is a scary earthling. 1.2411 0.04253 112 86 25 1
2557 Great quarter guys, but the boss says we need to focus more on our human relations 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2558 I think I am speaking for the board. We feel you just can’t fit in. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2559 Everyone, meet Bob. He's a dentist. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2560 Simon is here from HR to discuss our dress code. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2561 Kudos on reaching our diversity goals 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2562 I have to agree with Blorag, the third child was the tastiest and the one I'd most likely recommend to a friend. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2563 Bill will be handling Human Relations. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2564 Jim understands our target market. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2565 Is it Okay with you guys I sit someone who fails our dress code? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2566 Interestingly, the only known function of that striped piece of fabric under the chin is to enable the wearer to hang himself. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2567 Who’s dinner? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2568 There's something going around. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2569 Please tell George Lucas that we're out of work and could use a job. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2570 Ok Grimsley, who drew you so chump looking. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2571 And here’s the prototype for the year 2000 1.2411 0.04952 112 92 14 6
2572 Think outside of the box. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2573 On the bright side, this benighted species has the strange ability to replicate itself. Could be useful as a source of slave labor. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2574 In the interest of maintaining diversity, we're happy to welcome Malcolm to our board. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2575 I know it doesn’t look much, but trust me, it really is edible! 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2576 Let's give a warm White House welcome to our newest hire, Bob. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2577 Hi everyone, as you know you've been randomly selected for additional screening. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2578 I thought this was a human resources meeting? 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2579 He comes with a message of peace, and I say we hear him out before we eat him. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2580 It’s settled then. We will work on our public image before launching our new marketing campaign. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2581 Simmons here is our diversity hire. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2582 Anyone in favor of Stan's suggestion, "It was a graveyard smash?" 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2583 (thought) I remember Nate said, if you look around the table and can't tell who the mark is, you are the mark! 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2584 I know he is strange looking but Chas Addams created him, so I think he will fit right in. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2585 This is Jim. He's just transferred over from human resources. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2586 C'mon guys, we have to diversify. All in favor of Joe joining the board, say, "Aye." 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2587 Let’s all congratulate Ted, who’s been promoted to head of our Hiding Under Beds and Scaring Children Division. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2588 Let’s put are differences aside and focus on the matter at hand: are carbs OK? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2589 We have two resolutions pending: One to welcome the human onto our council and one to have him prepared for dinner. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2590 Do any of you need to phone home before we vote? 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2591 Now before Moe gives his little talk, let's all put on our thinking caps. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2592 Well, with our friend from Earth, we have a quorum. 1.2411 0.04616 112 90 18 4
2593 Today's guest will speak to us about evasion and survival. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2594 Human Resources would like a word, apparently. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2595 For next year's meeting, someone said to me, "Why not Doral"? 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2596 And I’ve asked Bob to handle community outreach. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2597 Excuse me, but we agreed Amphibians-only at the Board meetings. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2598 Well, we agree; "I'm the chosen one." 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
2599 Bob here will be implementing our new corporate dress code. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2600 Finally! Lunch is here! 1.2411 0.04253 112 86 25 1
2601 I'd like to introduce you all to our new director of diversity. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2602 He's both non-partisan and non-biological" 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2603 Please join me in welcoming Walter, our new therapy human. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2604 Okay folks, this is our new hire, Mr. Smith. Please note: he's wearing a tie. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2605 Please welcome Ted—and, remember, it’s illegal to mock a co-worker’s physical appearance. 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
2606 Wow Yog Sothoth, your Stephen Miller costume is perfect! 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
2607 And I know you'll all want to join me in welcoming our new Chief Diversity Officer. 1.2411 0.04253 112 86 25 1
2608 All those in favor of a facial recognition system? 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2609 This is James. He'll be with us for two weeks. He's from the Earth branch. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2610 Let’s welcome our new team leader. Looks like he’s ready to shake things up around here. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2611 Human Resources has a bone to pick with our department. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2612 I called this meeting to drain the swamp. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
2613 Everyone welcome Bob, we're having him for lunch. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2614 Well, the National Science Foundation has completed its fact-finding, and our conclusion is unanimous: climate change is real. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2615 Wow! Your costume is so inventive Larry. 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
2616 I'd like everyone to meet our new chief diversity officer... 1.2389 0.04221 113 87 25 1
2617 What qualifies you for Monsters Inc.? 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
2618 The first Intergalactic United Nations meeting was rather uneventful. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
2619 Meet Jerome, our diversity consultant 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
2620 I'd like to introduce our new Vice President for Diversity... 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
2621 Everyone, this is Kevin, our new hire. He may look odd but I know he’ll fit right in. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
2622 I’ve just learned we can congratulate ourselves. We’ve now outlasted Barney’s! 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
2623 We're happy to report that our diversity goal has been met for this year. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
2624 You could all take a lesson from Steve. At least he's dressed up. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
2625 Corporate rules require diversity. 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
2626 It's survival of the fittest, and we're getting our butts kicked by this? 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
2627 Bob has a very different view of our complete world domination and elimination of all mankind strategy. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2628 Bob here is interviewing for the position of mascot. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
2629 Raise your fore-limb if you want to let him have a seat at the table. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2630 It’s clear we’ve met this year’s goal for diversity. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2631 OK. Our next candidate doesn't claim he's much of a people person. I'll let him explain how he'll fit in. 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
2632 Our new agent here says he's got contacts at Disney and Marvel. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2633 I motion that we eat the human for lunch. 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
2634 Let's vote. The cafeteria, take-out or this guy. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
2635 I realize most of us look and feel like hell so early in the morning, but we have some important business to discuss. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2636 Gentlemen, please welcome Carl, our newest board member. Or, perhaps, lunch. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2637 I took the liberty of ordering for the table. Raw is ok for everyone? 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2638 I brought you here today to talk about inclusivityness. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2639 Mr. Steven's work speaks for itself. We're lucky to have him. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
2640 Paul will be joining the board as our token human. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2641 I'd like to start the meeting by welcoming our new Director of Human Resources. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2642 I guess you’re not familiar with the concept of casual Fridays. 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2643 Irwin here doesn't speak our language, so I brought him along for lunch. I hope no one's a vegetarian." 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2644 Are you ready for the brontosaurus which the Diversity Office is bringing in next week? 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
2645 I know we said no earthlings on the Board, but his opposable thumb might come in handy. 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2646 In this world Amazon rules guys! 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
2647 Coffee, anyone...? 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2648 We want to make the Board more diverse 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2649 Please meet out new Human Resources Manager. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
2650 Everybody welcome Brian from accounts. Please don't eat him or at least please wait till December's payroll is completed. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2651 Everyone, Tod is here to give some pointers on getting the customer to believe you exist. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2652 Ah... another day at the white house. 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
2653 I know what you're all thinking: what even is fibromyalgia? 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2654 "I'd like to introduce James, our newest hire. He says he went to "Eton" - who wants to be first? 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2655 We need to think outside the box, so I invited him here today to offer us an earthly perspective. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2656 This guy has represented the ugliest people, we'll be fine. 1.2385 0.04681 109 88 16 4
2657 No, I'm sorry to disappoint you,but this is our new diversity candidate, not today's lunch order. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
2658 Before we vote on whether to admit this candidate, I would like to remind you all not get hung up on his appearance. 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
2659 Gentlemen, there's no need to resort to scare tactics. 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
2660 What happened to our last waiter? 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2661 Welcome to "lunch* 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
2662 Can you believe this was their leader?! 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2663 He says that buying life insurance doesn't have to be everyone's worst nightmare. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2664 I propose we allow him to join. He will add diversity and rarity as his species will soon be extinct. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2665 I want you all to meet the new man in accounting. And by man, I mean man. 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2666 Who invited the suit? 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2667 We'll make him an odor he can't refuse. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
2668 Wyatt has been hired to be the company's new public face. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2669 In our boardroom diversity rules 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2670 This diversity thing may have gone too far 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3