Contest #681


Cartoon

681

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “You pinch me one more time and you’re going to find yourself in hot water.”
  2. “I can’t believe you wore shorts. Everyone was staring.”
  3. “Yeah. Like you’re such a great catch.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-10-14T00:46:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-10-28T00:50:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-10-22T00:49:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued October 28, 2019
Number of captions 6163
Number of responses 1117477
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Mobster, Larry. The invitation said to dress like a mobster. 2.2153 0.00582 15726 2974 6434 6317
1 You pinch me one more time and your going to find yourself in hot water. 2.1571 0.00640 14651 3512 5360 5779
2 Do that again and I'll put the rubber bands back on. 2.1168 0.00605 15610 3743 6335 5530
3 I can’t believe you wore shorts. EVERYONE was staring. 2.0919 0.00678 13369 3621 4927 4821
4 When you said on the phone " I'm Claude" , I assumed it was your name. 2.0042 0.00728 12201 3994 4189 4017
5 You need to stop introducing yourself as my Maine squeeze. 1.9966 0.00689 12627 3881 4938 3806
6 It's not the claws. It's the screaming every time you get in the hot tub. 1.9810 0.00710 12283 3975 4588 3720
7 She comes to a party with a wooden mallet and a pick. Don't tell me she didn't have her eyes on you the whole night! 1.9523 0.00755 10583 3513 4085 2985
8 Oh, I’M crabby? 1.9391 0.00796 9557 3278 3613 2666
9 I figured "must love shellfish" was coded language for "not Jewish." 1.9257 0.00763 10774 3872 3855 3047
10 I thought you said selfish. 1.8555 0.00742 10427 3920 4119 2387
11 I thought you said your relatives were mobsters 1.8409 0.00722 10862 4119 4370 2373
12 Let’s just skip the foreplay. 1.8374 0.00817 9404 3895 3166 2343
13 You deserve butter. 1.8335 0.00891 7814 3216 2697 1901
14 Yeah. Like you’re such a great catch. 1.8225 0.00810 8445 3264 3434 1747
15 How would you like always being introduced as "the turf"? 1.8146 0.00935 7294 3156 2345 1793
16 The worst part is - my last boyfriend's hands were clammy! 1.8000 0.00858 8234 3521 2855 1858
17 How did you even manage to swipe right? 1.7931 0.00890 7543 3243 2638 1662
18 It's just that I could use a hand every once and a while. 1.7818 0.00898 6971 2942 2630 1399
19 Why would you think that’s what I meant by “grow a pair”? 1.7804 0.00928 7221 3255 2312 1653
20 With you, it's always one step forward, two steps sideways. 1.7785 0.00944 6597 2874 2326 1396
21 I just think having all of your profile pictures be headshots was misleading. 1.7702 0.00829 7766 3223 3127 1416
22 If you pinch me one more time, I'm putting the rubber bands back on. 1.7696 0.01168 4276 1872 1525 879
23 The nerve, kicking us out! The sign clearly says they serve seafood! 1.7512 0.01356 3207 1444 1117 646
24 Usually, 'a long line of lobstermen' refers to one's profession." 1.7341 0.01216 3889 1780 1365 743
25 'That 'clawed your way to the top' thing is just not funny anymore.. 1.7328 0.01648 1909 818 783 308
26 I notice those aren't handy for picking up the check. 1.7328 0.01366 3061 1407 1071 583
27 Your fly's unzipped. 1.7270 0.01073 5345 2599 1617 1129
28 You had three wishes, Gary! Three! 1.7127 0.01267 3759 1835 1168 754
29 Don't make me put the rubber bands back on. 1.6987 0.00902 6715 3171 2404 1140
30 Yes - I do think my parents will notice. 1.6986 0.01238 3431 1579 1309 542
31 When you said you were transitioning, I had something else in mind. 1.6897 0.01092 4364 2054 1623 687
32 Sorry, I prefer men with big mussels " 1.6852 0.01227 3805 1878 1247 680
33 So, now that you've taken the gloves off, is there anything else I should know? 1.6818 0.01016 4965 2353 1853 758
34 ...but no....you had to go and snap my mother's head off. 1.6268 0.01155 4121 2222 1227 671
35 How come they didn't ask the woman who had the frog legs to leave? 1.6226 0.01392 2838 1528 857 453
36 You expect me to believe that's why you never text me back??!! 1.6157 0.01144 3778 1949 1336 493
37 I told you they wouldn't let you in with shorts on! 1.6147 0.02866 654 350 206 98
38 I do the parking meter. I do the ATM. I'm sick of it. 1.6136 0.01960 1351 712 449 190
39 Shorts and a long sleeve shirt? Really? 1.6106 0.01297 3056 1629 995 432
40 When I said I was in the mood for a spineless crustacean, I assumed you knew I meant a Republican. 1.6090 0.01411 2836 1592 769 475
41 This is New York City - I told you no one would notice. 1.6079 0.01450 2367 1237 821 308
42 Well, your profile did mention long walks on the beach... 1.6048 0.01591 1966 1031 681 254
43 Let's taunt the witch," you said. "It'll be fun," you said 1.6027 0.01742 1855 1037 518 300
44 I'm going to need a little more than "I went to Maine with a buddy but the rest is a blur." 1.5847 0.01518 2196 1207 695 293
45 Please stop saying that you’re on a roll. 1.5840 0.01908 1452 811 434 207
46 My mercury test came back positive. 1.5814 0.01597 2069 1165 607 297
47 You always find a way to avoid picking up the check. 1.5754 0.01530 2141 1190 671 279
48 Something about this relationship doesn't seem kosher. 1.5739 0.02031 1164 633 394 137
49 I get your issues with a hot bath, but it wouldn’t kill you to take a shower. 1.5729 0.01595 1859 1011 633 215
50 Your slow rollout of Halloween is annoying. 1.5683 0.01686 1976 1190 459 327
51 Look, wear the claws if you want, but I’m not going to the party dressed as a piece of tail! 1.5652 0.01692 1886 1107 496 283
52 You get one wish and you go for lobster claws? 1.5650 0.01573 2014 1155 590 269
53 Well I feel like chicken but you don't see me sprouting feathers. 1.5618 0.01759 1570 896 474 200
54 I just wish you were a little less shellfish at times 1.5526 0.01770 1681 989 456 236
55 There was no need to freak out. The melted butter was for your popcorn. 1.5509 0.01843 1454 832 443 179
56 So,what were your first two wishes? 1.5500 0.01785 1529 875 467 186
57 ‘I thought you were joking when you said you clawed your way to the top!’ 1.5487 0.01741 1580 908 481 189
58 Mobster, mobster, the party's theme was mobsters. 1.5469 0.01870 1430 828 422 180
59 It's not me, it's you. 1.5465 0.01871 1528 912 397 219
60 Gloria complains about her husband having two left feet. She has no idea how lucky she is. 1.5463 0.01869 1404 807 427 170
61 I attract nothing but bottom feeders. 1.5455 0.01832 1452 841 433 178
62 Yeah, but Edward Scissorhands hasn't been out of work for the last five years. 1.5455 0.02816 638 372 184 82
63 Despite your exquisite taste, we’re just not compatible. 1.5434 0.01917 1452 870 375 207
64 I TOLD you not to insult the magician! 1.5412 0.01809 1432 832 432 168
65 I was just getting used to the scissors, Edward. 1.5349 0.01966 1288 759 369 160
66 I am so embarrassed. I can't believe you're wearing shorts! 1.5330 0.01944 1257 734 378 145
67 Don't you snap at me. 1.5329 0.01969 1261 740 370 151
68 I don't know Michael. Why do YOU think we never hold hands any more?" 1.5307 0.01954 1236 720 377 139
69 You need to give up this dream of yours to be a Proctologist, Jack. 1.5305 0.02144 1131 684 294 153
70 I SAW you pinch her! 1.5284 0.02079 1160 693 321 146
71 You are, hands down, the most shellfish man I’ve ever met! 1.5234 0.02099 1091 651 311 129
72 This isn’t what I meant when I said, “I could go for lobster.” 1.5231 0.02020 1103 654 328 121
73 That's no excuse for not texting me. 1.5191 0.02117 1048 619 314 115
74 Being from Maine doesn't explain everything. 1.5165 0.02838 544 314 179 51
75 ...I think I'm allergic to your family 1.5160 0.02148 998 588 305 105
76 Couldn't you just use the salad tongs like everyone else? 1.5159 0.02161 1006 598 294 112
77 You can forget about getting to second base 1.5147 0.02244 985 599 265 121
78 Must you always be so shellfish? 1.5146 0.02256 991 607 258 126
79 I don’t care if you don’t like how it feels. We’re using a rubber band. 1.5113 0.02316 927 579 225 122
80 From now on, just let the Sommelier open the bottle. 1.5107 0.02244 932 558 272 102
81 Oh, sure. “Let’s just try the 3D printer. What could go wrong?” you said! 1.5087 0.02283 922 559 257 106
82 Stop snapping at me all the time! 1.5083 0.02317 901 548 248 105
83 If you do that again , the rubberbands go back on . 1.5082 0.02366 913 568 226 119
84 Well, when a Genie offers you a wish, maybe you should be a bit more specific. 1.5063 0.02258 867 511 273 83
85 Not what I meant when I said you needed to break out of your shell. 1.5062 0.02253 885 525 272 88
86 Crushing beer cans is not a super power. 1.5057 0.02279 882 535 251 96
87 How exactly did your parents meet? 1.5040 0.02220 865 525 252 88
88 I liked you better before you came out of your shell. 1.5040 0.02360 865 529 236 100
89 Do you know how it makes me feel when you say that you’re a bottom feeder? 1.5012 0.02397 816 496 231 89
90 Well, next time we go to a party I'm bringing the rubber bands. 1.4987 0.02468 798 494 210 94
91 Of course I support your transition. It's just that I'm going to miss the lobster I fell in love with. 1.4974 0.02406 782 472 231 79
92 What do you mean, how did I know you pinched her? 1.4968 0.02410 789 479 228 82
93 You can't deny it this time. I caught you red handed. 1.4968 0.02374 787 477 231 79
94 Just for once could you try not to be so shellfish? 1.4962 0.02490 786 489 204 93
95 Admit it. Gene splicing is trickier than you thought. 1.4948 0.02532 774 486 193 95
96 It isn't gonna work Jim, but i appreciated the help with the jars. 1.4948 0.02451 774 474 217 83
97 Don't even think about getting to second base. 1.4941 0.02444 765 466 220 79
98 I guess what happens in Maine doesn't necessarily stay in Maine 1.4933 0.02502 744 457 207 80
99 You could've wished for world peace... 1.4926 0.02541 747 467 191 88
100 Again, if they ask if you want to hold the baby, say "No thank you!" 1.4913 0.02485 745 457 210 78
101 I've waded too far out in the dating pool. 1.4904 0.02450 730 448 209 73
102 I don’t care that you can get things done in a pinch. 1.4904 0.02454 730 441 220 69
103 Three wishes. You had three wishes. 1.4904 0.02573 730 457 188 85
104 Your profile said Christian, not crustacean! 1.4890 0.02445 724 451 198 75
105 You never return my texts. 1.4881 0.02511 713 436 206 71
106 Try that again and you'll be in hot water. 1.4879 0.02574 701 434 192 75
107 In medical school you may want to rethink gynecology as your specialty. 1.4879 0.02633 701 464 141 96
108 Mother always said that you’re a shellfish bastard. 1.4872 0.02674 704 450 165 89
109 All the super powers and you went with “lobster claws?” 1.4872 0.02621 704 443 179 82
110 Look, when your dating profile stated "must like lobster".. 1.4864 0.02582 701 436 189 76
111 Why is that impossible for you to grasp? 1.4856 0.02664 694 441 169 84
112 White shorts. After labor day. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. 1.4840 0.02609 688 430 183 75
113 When they said you were clawed I thought that was your name. 1.4839 0.02554 684 420 197 67
114 They're not going to let you in without your rubber band. 1.4837 0.02508 674 419 189 66
115 Next time don't ask to hold the baby. 1.4837 0.02657 674 424 174 76
116 Yeah I do think it should have been something you mentioned in your profile. 1.4831 0.02485 681 410 213 58
117 So I guess foreplay's out of the question 1.4821 0.02704 672 429 162 81
118 And I thought you said your father was a Mobster... 1.4820 0.02581 668 411 192 65
119 You look ridiculous in those baggy shorts.Everyone is looking at you 1.4818 0.02647 660 412 178 70
120 No.... I don't mind the beard. 1.4818 0.02519 658 396 207 55
121 The rubber bands are going back on when we get home, mister! 1.4811 0.02559 663 405 197 61
122 Seek kelp. 1.4811 0.02754 634 402 159 73
123 So I guess this means the hot tub is out. 1.4800 0.02531 650 392 204 54
124 Pinch me again and I'll crack you. 1.4799 0.02700 648 409 167 72
125 When you said you have an "unusual reaction" to seafood, you could have been more specific. 1.4799 0.02665 648 405 175 68
126 So you're telling me that I'm crabby? 1.4793 0.02629 651 404 182 65
127 They all know you're from Maine, Bob. 1.4791 0.02674 645 406 170 69
128 Just once I'd like to see you pick up the check. 1.4791 0.02535 645 389 203 53
129 Don’t talk to me about boiling points... 1.4791 0.02683 645 405 171 69
130 What good are pincer implants if you still can't pick up a tab once in a while? 1.4789 0.02636 641 399 178 64
131 You snap at me again and the rubber bands go back on. 1.4770 0.02564 631 382 197 52
132 Mobsters! I said I’m attracted to mobsters! 1.4769 0.02739 627 397 161 69
133 When you said 'My dad was a lobsterman, his dad was a lobsterman and I'm a lobsterman.', I thought you meant the family business. 1.4760 0.02653 624 386 179 59
134 Then how did Marci get that rip in her skirt? 1.4748 0.02710 615 385 168 62
135 Well, you can forget about bases 2 and 3. 1.4747 0.02717 613 384 167 62
136 That was my nicest bra. 1.4741 0.02734 618 393 158 67
137 You are NOT the Catch of the Day. 1.4735 0.02805 604 386 150 68
138 Did you get them the same place you got the crabs? 1.4718 0.02732 602 383 156 63
139 Some catch you turned out to be. 1.4717 0.02687 600 372 173 55
140 The problem with you, Joel,is that you never completely come out of your shell. 1.4710 0.02701 586 362 172 52
141 Of course you can't help with laundry or dishes. How convenient. 1.4705 0.02751 593 373 161 59
142 Agh... I should've kissed the frog... 1.4699 0.02834 581 371 147 63
143 No, I do not want to see your mussels. 1.4677 0.02831 573 365 148 60
144 Seriously?! We are going to a nice restaurant and you're wearing shorts? 1.4677 0.02926 573 374 130 69
145 You know I hate that shirt. 1.4676 0.02827 571 363 149 59
146 Stop blaming Kafka... 1.4667 0.02831 570 363 148 59
147 Why can't you just accept it--no one wants to hear you play the piano! 1.4664 0.02921 566 368 132 66
148 We’re finally meeting my Mother and you can’t even put on a tie? 1.4662 0.02838 562 357 148 57
149 You sort of buried the lead in your dating profile there, wouldn’t you say? 1.4662 0.02781 562 352 158 52
150 You didn't have to ask to hold the baby. 1.4659 0.02818 558 352 152 54
151 How you think it makes me feel when you let the waitress butter you up like that? 1.4655 0.02935 565 369 129 67
152 Dating you would be getting into a gray area, according to my rabbi. 1.4652 0.02819 561 355 151 55
153 I just don’t like people calling us Surf n Turf. 1.4650 0.02889 557 358 139 60
154 Why not just a tattoo like everybody else? 1.4645 0.02851 549 348 147 54
155 You better hope that skips a generation 1.4644 0.02763 547 339 162 46
156 And don't think this won't land you in hot water! 1.4638 0.02805 552 347 154 51
157 And stop referring to me as the "Turf". It's so objectifying. 1.4620 0.02983 539 352 125 62
158 So you're sweet and tender on the inside huh? 1.4618 0.02908 537 344 138 55
159 I just can't believe you wore shorts to meet my parents. 1.4610 0.02907 525 334 140 51
160 You're becoming more and more shellfish. 1.4608 0.03109 536 361 103 72
161 Please stop referring to us as "surf and turf"... 1.4605 0.02879 532 338 143 51
162 'I come from a long line of lobstermen' usually refers to one's profession." 1.4601 0.02927 526 337 136 53
163 I cannot believe you are wearing shorts to meet my parents. 1.4601 0.02952 526 339 132 55
164 I know you're angry. Your claws always get red when you're angry. 1.4600 0.02810 513 317 156 40
165 Well the doctor said if it lasts more than four hours than it's probably time to panic." 1.4598 0.02893 522 331 142 49
166 So, you're saying it's ME, I'm the crabby one? 1.4590 0.02856 525 331 147 47
167 I just feel like I’m moving forward in this relationship, and you’re moving sideways. 1.4577 0.02875 520 329 144 47
168 Last time I take you out without your rubber bands. 1.4570 0.02946 512 328 134 50
169 Anything else I should know about? 1.4570 0.02965 512 336 119 56
170 All you seem to do lately is snap at everyone! 1.4567 0.02936 508 324 136 48
171 That's not what I meant when I said, 'Wear something snappy!'. 1.4542 0.04037 240 148 75 17
172 When you told me you come from a long line of lobstermen, I didn't know you were being literal. 1.4538 0.02895 498 314 142 42
173 Let's move to Maine, he says. What could go wrong? he says. 1.4538 0.02824 498 309 152 37
174 I'm a good catch, too, you know. 1.4529 0.02999 446 278 134 34
175 That was my FAVORITE bra!” 1.4529 0.03035 488 316 123 49
176 Those shorts make you look ridiculous. 1.4517 0.03053 487 317 120 50
177 You’re not going to claw your way out of this one Jack. I caught you red handed! 1.4517 0.02830 487 319 123 45
178 No, I will not be Mrs. Claws for Halloween. 1.4517 0.02983 487 312 130 45
179 No, I don't want to go to your Halloween party as the turf. 1.4513 0.02986 483 309 130 44
180 I don’t care what they say about big claws. 1.4513 0.03113 483 318 112 53
181 You might want to elaborate on the 'transitioning' reference in your ad 1.4500 0.03099 480 315 114 51
182 On the phone I thought you said you were an ex-mobster. 1.4500 0.02985 480 312 122 46
183 A thousand restaurants in New York and you had to recognize the main course. 1.4498 0.03178 478 319 103 56
184 Maybe next time when you meet a genie you won’t be drunk in a seafood restaurant. 1.4498 0.03066 478 311 119 48
185 I don’t care if you live at the beach, shorts after Labor day isn’t done in Manhattan. 1.4481 0.03051 462 297 123 42
186 Try that again and I’m bringing out the rubber bands. 1.4480 0.02964 471 299 133 39
187 Well, SOMEBODY must have pinched her! 1.4480 0.03024 471 303 125 43
188 You look ridiculous, Kevin. Who wears shorts with a sweatshirt? 1.4471 0.03015 463 296 127 40
189 OK, I'm sorry. I wish I'd never told you to grow a pair. 1.4466 0.03185 468 312 103 53
190 Bob just couldn't quite put his finger on the problem he was having with Julie. 1.4452 0.03110 456 297 115 44
191 Tonight was not the time to come out of your shell. 1.4452 0.03094 456 296 117 43
192 I just think you're being shellfish. 1.4440 0.03191 455 302 104 49
193 Don't talk to me, you had your claws all over her 1.4440 0.02955 455 297 118 40
194 We’ve talked about this. You can take them off when you learn to put down the phone. 1.4435 0.03211 451 300 102 49
195 Look - if I had known my assistant was also a genie I never would have yelled “Give me a hand - and make it snappy!” 1.4435 0.03196 451 299 104 48
196 I just wish you would be less shellfish. 1.4435 0.03405 451 313 76 62
197 When you said "lobsterman," I thought you worked on a boat or something. 1.4424 0.03206 443 293 104 46
198 Don't complain to me. You're the one who bought shorts with buttons. 1.4422 0.03249 441 294 99 48
199 You could have at least shaved to meet my mother for the first time... 1.4422 0.03280 441 296 95 50
200 Don't you even think about trying to get to second base! 1.4417 0.03222 446 297 101 48
201 If you're allergic, why do you keep ordering it? 1.4417 0.03142 446 292 111 43
202 Well that was embarrassing! You yelling murderer at the seafood restaurant. 1.4401 0.03270 434 290 97 47
203 You just can't let go of anything, can you? 1.4395 0.03309 430 289 93 48
204 Something other than a head shot on your profile wouldn't hurt. 1.4395 0.03026 430 275 122 33
205 You just had to snap at the waiter again didn’t you. 1.4385 0.03152 431 281 111 39
206 Why can't you just get tattoos like everybody else 1.4385 0.03030 431 274 125 32
207 Somehow, it never feels like a playful pinch. 1.4384 0.03074 422 269 121 32
208 One day those things are gonna land you in a lot of hot water. 1.4372 0.03122 430 279 114 37
209 Pinch me one more time and you'll be swimming in butter. 1.4368 0.03198 419 274 107 38
210 ...and when the guy in the turban asked, 'And what would you wish for?' I just thought he was the waiter. 1.4354 0.03220 418 275 104 39
211 My old-school Yankee parents would eat you alive. 1.4351 0.03140 416 269 113 34
212 I can't believe our friends think you look weird with a beard. 1.4345 0.03307 412 275 95 42
213 At least your face looks like your pictures. 1.4345 0.03105 412 264 117 31
214 And no more jokes about how I trapped you, or you're cooked. 1.4345 0.03198 412 269 107 36
215 Not every problem can be solved with lemon and butter, John. 1.4341 0.03228 410 269 104 37
216 No wonder you didn’t respond to my texts. 1.4341 0.03263 387 251 104 32
217 Nipple play is a hard no. 1.4341 0.03364 387 256 94 37
218 Stop calling it "our" fetish. 1.4338 0.03220 408 267 105 36
219 Tell it to Kafka. 1.4318 0.03248 403 265 102 36
220 You are so shellfish! 1.4317 0.03161 410 269 106 35
221 And I suppose you want me to clarify something. 1.4317 0.03336 410 276 91 43
222 Lamest. Superpower. Ever. 1.4314 0.03240 401 263 103 35
223 I regret saying get a”better grip” on things. 1.4311 0.03290 399 264 98 37
224 You’re in hot water, mister. 1.4311 0.03092 399 254 118 27
225 Going forward safe sex will also include rubber bands. 1.4307 0.03301 397 263 97 37
226 Great, now I HAVE to get checked. 1.4307 0.03301 397 263 97 37
227 I get that you wanted to impress my father with a firm handshake, but for God’s sake, Ira, THINK! 1.4307 0.03263 397 261 101 35
228 How were you even able to swipe right? 1.4304 0.03332 395 263 94 38
229 Somewhere there's a lobster with hands. 1.4293 0.03268 396 261 100 35
230 I don’t think I like us being referred to as ‘Surf and Turf! 1.4286 0.03291 392 259 98 35
231 It's nice for once to go out with a man who isn't all hands. 1.4286 0.03251 392 257 102 33
232 Sorry, I’m kosher 1.4286 0.03389 392 264 88 40
233 I still say it was insensitive to ask if you wanted your water flat, sparkling, or boiling. 1.4286 0.03369 392 263 90 39
234 You might've mentioned it in your profile. 1.4282 0.03263 390 256 101 33
235 You couldn't settle for a tattoo or a simple piercing, no not you! 1.4275 0.03225 393 257 104 32
236 Will you stop snapping at me? 1.4275 0.03324 393 262 94 37
237 Your profile only said you that you had clawed your way to the top. 1.4275 0.03225 393 257 104 32
238 I knew Edward Sissorhands. Edward Sissorhands was a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Edward Sissorhands. 1.4275 0.03387 386 259 89 38
239 Next time we are meeting new friends: wear the rubber-bands 1.4275 0.03224 386 251 105 30
240 So that's your excuse for not texting! 1.4275 0.03426 386 261 85 40
241 You think you can just claw your way back into my life? 1.4271 0.03298 384 253 98 33
242 I know you clawed your way to the top but look what it's cost you. 1.4256 0.03344 383 255 93 35
243 Something doesn't feel kosher about all of this. 1.4255 0.03304 376 247 98 31
244 I can't believe you brought those to the bris. 1.4250 0.03648 360 249 69 42
245 Well, what would your fourth wish have been? 1.4240 0.03352 375 249 93 33
246 Well THAT was an embarrassing way to find out I'm allergic to shellfish. 1.4237 0.03278 380 250 99 31
247 Social media can be so miss leading......"when you said you were a lobsterman I thought it meant you worked in Maine" 1.4232 0.03399 371 248 89 34
248 First of all, asking a genie for some lobster claws is a really dumb wish. Secondly... 1.4232 0.03462 371 251 83 37
249 I'm the one who needs some buttering up Henry 1.4232 0.03312 371 244 97 30
250 I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the hot tub. 1.4203 0.03509 364 248 79 37
251 I thought you said you were SELFISH. 1.4199 0.03523 362 247 78 37
252 I can’t believe you fell for that trap. 1.4199 0.03435 362 243 86 33
253 Would you please just TRY the hand cream? 1.4199 0.03322 362 238 96 28
254 I don’t care, you still should’ve picked up the tab. 1.4199 0.03228 362 234 104 24
255 I'm just saying... you could have wished for world peace 1.4199 0.03412 362 242 88 32
256 Another restaurant we cannot go to. Would it kill you to put on a tie? 1.4194 0.03493 360 244 81 35
257 Foreplay is off the table 1.4191 0.03664 346 239 69 38
258 That’s not what my father meant when he said you should grow a pair. 1.4190 0.03495 358 245 77 36
259 Well, honestly! When you said you had crab claws, I thought you'd be making dinner! 1.4190 0.03264 358 235 97 26
260 Your dating profile should mention that you need help with zippers. 1.4190 0.03393 358 238 90 30
261 Look, I like you... it just wouldn't be kosher 1.4190 0.03573 358 246 74 38
262 I can't take you anywhere without your rubber bands. 1.4190 0.03347 358 236 94 28
263 They said you'd be a real 'catch'" 1.4190 0.03228 358 231 104 23
264 We can go to my place, but first I need to grab some butter and a lemon. 1.4190 0.03300 358 244 82 32
265 And remember when we get there, don't scuttle. 1.4190 0.03484 358 242 82 34
266 I'm sorry, Jimmy, I'm just not turned on by men with beards. 1.4190 0.03252 358 232 102 24
267 It's October. Those shorts are so embarrassing. 1.4190 0.03616 358 248 70 40
268 That “can’t reach my wallet” excuse is getting old. 1.4190 0.03529 358 244 78 36
269 Couldn’t you have just taken the bib? 1.4181 0.03420 354 236 88 30
270 The restaurant I am taking you to advertises that they serve lobsters. I just wanted to make sure that we get served. 1.4178 0.03269 359 234 100 25
271 You should have been more specific when you said were a lobsterman. 1.4176 0.03409 352 234 89 29
272 I just don’t like holding hands in public. It’s nothing personal. 1.4176 0.03409 352 234 89 29
273 I told you not to eat the genetically modified lobster. 1.4174 0.03352 357 236 93 28
274 Don't sidestep the question. 1.4167 0.03484 348 234 83 31
275 Brilliant first wish, Bob. Now how are you going to rub the lamp? 1.4162 0.03426 346 230 88 28
276 You shouldn't have taken that job at the nuclear power plant. 1.4162 0.03569 346 236 76 34
277 Your 'help me with my fly' routine is getting old. 1.4162 0.03250 346 223 102 21
278 When I said 'grow a pair' that's not what I meant. 1.4162 0.03275 346 224 100 22
279 I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it—and besides, she’s right: would it really kill you to come out of your shell? 1.4160 0.03391 351 233 90 28
280 Alright, alright, we won't get a hot tub. 1.4155 0.03331 349 229 95 25
281 I know you looked at my phone, you left butter on it. 1.4155 0.03380 349 231 91 27
282 My mother warned me about dating men from Maine! 1.4150 0.03607 347 239 72 36
283 I told you that CBD oil wasn't FDA approved. 1.4145 0.03407 345 229 89 27
284 True... but you always get a seat on the subway. 1.4145 0.03332 345 226 95 24
285 Yes, but I can hide my acrylic nails by folding my arms. 1.4140 0.03370 343 226 92 25
286 If you crack your knuckles one more time ... 1.4128 0.03462 344 231 84 29
287 Really? ...Shorts. 1.4128 0.03510 344 233 80 31
288 Just for once I'd like to order the bisque! 1.4128 0.03362 344 227 92 25
289 Last time I'll use a dating app with just head shots! 1.4118 0.03389 340 225 90 25
290 Everyone's always trying to butter you up. 1.4118 0.03588 340 233 74 33
291 No, a back rub would not help. 1.4112 0.03048 338 231 83 24
292 Not every handshake has to be firm." 1.4112 0.03402 338 224 89 25
293 You're sure you're out of wishes? 1.4112 0.03491 338 230 78 30
294 You can't just claw your way back into my good graces. 1.4112 0.03529 338 229 79 30
295 Only if those things vibrate. 1.4109 0.03478 331 226 76 29
296 It's not about the claws. It's about you being unwilling to change. 1.4103 0.03597 329 224 75 30
297 You don't bring lobster claws to a clam bake; it's just rude. 1.4102 0.03558 334 227 77 30
298 I told you to stop reading Kafka 1.4102 0.03403 334 221 89 24
299 You're in hot water when we get home. 1.4091 0.03689 330 229 67 34
300 Snap. Snap. Snap. And you never let anything go. 1.4091 0.03457 330 220 85 25
301 Bob, there's just something about you that's not kosher. 1.4091 0.03457 330 220 85 25
302 You didn’t even shave 1.4091 0.03376 330 217 91 22
303 No, I'm not upset because you're late. 1.4091 0.03614 330 226 73 31
304 Your mother was wrong as usual. It didn't make you blind. 1.4085 0.03705 328 228 66 34
305 Your last name is actually Thermidor?!?! 1.4085 0.03551 328 222 78 28
306 First, those were scissors and, second, you're no Johnny Depp. 1.4080 0.03404 326 215 89 22
307 They could have TOLD us they kept kosher before they invited us to dinner. 1.4074 0.03500 324 217 82 25
308 Omg, we get it. You're from Maine. 1.4062 0.03585 320 217 76 27
309 YOU feel trapped!! 1.4062 0.03666 320 220 70 30
310 Sure it makes it hard to text, but you could have called. 1.4056 0.03506 323 217 81 25
311 That's the last time we go out in public without your rubber bands 1.4050 0.03187 321 217 83 21
312 Something about you isn't kosher. 1.4045 0.03604 314 213 75 26
313 Our first date and you're wearing shorts!! 1.4032 0.03595 315 214 75 26
314 And now you understand the difference between "a lifetime supply of crab claws" and "crab claws for life." 1.4032 0.03595 315 214 75 26
315 You didn't think to mention them in your profile? 1.4026 0.03345 313 204 92 17
316 I just wish you weren’t so shellfish. 1.4026 0.03638 313 214 72 27
317 Don't expect me to butter you up. 1.4026 0.03465 313 208 84 21
318 Maybe leave the baby cheek-pinching to me next time. 1.4026 0.03610 313 213 74 26
319 Should I call you my Maine squeeze? 1.4007 0.03629 307 209 73 25
320 Why don’t you just hold up a sign saying ‘it’s our first time in Maine’? 1.3993 0.03691 303 208 69 26
321 At least you don't have crabs 1.3993 0.03750 303 210 65 28
322 And definitely no foreplay. 1.3993 0.03571 303 204 77 22
323 Well, maybe I don't want to mate for life. 1.3993 0.03571 303 204 77 22
324 So I guess we have to sell the hot tub now, too? 1.3993 0.03779 303 211 63 29
325 He was a genii, not a waiter. So when he said "Do you want the crab claws …" 1.3993 0.03691 303 208 69 26
326 I know all my friends think you're a real catch, but. . . 1.3980 0.03592 304 206 75 23
327 Nothing like a bisque walk! 1.3980 0.03603 299 202 75 22
328 I'm only dating you during months with an R 1.3980 0.03725 299 206 67 26
329 They still hurt from last time. 1.3980 0.03814 299 209 61 29
330 Keep it up, you're on a roll. 1.3980 0.03634 299 203 73 23
331 Sorry. I don’t date bottom feeders. 1.3980 0.03664 299 204 71 24
332 Don’t you lie to me. You’ve been caught, well, red-handed. 1.3980 0.03664 299 204 71 24
333 We know you're from Maine. 1.3980 0.03725 299 206 67 26
334 Even if they offer, don't hold the baby. 1.3980 0.03814 299 209 61 29
335 When you said you were Claude, I sure didn't expect this! 1.3980 0.03540 299 200 79 20
336 No, I will not go to the Halloween party dressed as butter. 1.3980 0.03695 299 205 69 25
337 I can't put my finger on it...I just feel trapped. 1.3980 0.03695 299 205 69 25
338 No such claws in our pre-nup! 1.3980 0.03540 299 200 79 20
339 ‘So who did pinch her backside?’ 1.3980 0.03571 299 201 77 21
340 And it wasn't fun trying to explain all the little claw marks to my doctor. 1.3974 0.03786 302 211 62 29
341 Nope... no foreplay. 1.3974 0.03608 302 205 74 23
342 I called you selfish not shellfish 1.3974 0.03728 302 209 66 27
343 It just seems like you're becoming more shellfish... 1.3974 0.03608 302 205 74 23
344 Still, you didn't have to wear the bib to my mother's funeral. 1.3973 0.03712 297 204 68 25
345 Do it, again, and the rubber bands go back on. 1.3967 0.03562 300 202 77 21
346 No, I will NOT dip you in butter. 1.3960 0.03671 298 204 70 24
347 No, we're not spending another summer with your family in Maine. 1.3960 0.03514 298 199 80 19
348 When you said you were born into a long line of lobstermen, I didn't think you meant genetically. 1.3960 0.03578 298 201 76 21
349 I told you a thousand times, rock still beats scissor. 1.3960 0.03578 298 201 76 21
350 You never answer my texts. 1.3945 0.03782 289 200 64 25
351 I don’t care Bob. You’re still spineless. 1.3945 0.03813 289 201 62 26
352 Kiss a frog, get a prince. Kiss a lobster, get a pinch. 1.3938 0.03690 292 200 69 23
353 If you had a backbone, you'd have said something. 1.3937 0.03636 287 194 73 20
354 I don’t care what you say, Edward Scissorhands was not a documentary. 1.3937 0.03832 287 200 61 26
355 Yes, it did fix your texting addiction, but I'd recommend changing therapists. 1.3931 0.03803 290 202 62 26
356 I caught you red-handed, and still you deny it! 1.3931 0.03675 290 198 70 22
357 You only care about yourself. You're just Shellfish. 1.3930 0.03850 285 199 60 26
358 And this is your excuse for not texting me back?! 1.3916 0.03676 286 195 70 21
359 You can be so shellfish at times! 1.3916 0.03642 286 194 72 20
360 I see that you are not only dangerous but also not kosher. 1.3916 0.03488 286 197 69 20
361 I wish you had mentioned in your profile that you have a beard and always wear shorts. 1.3916 0.03791 286 201 59 26
362 You just had to impress my father with a firm handshake, didn't you? 1.3916 0.03934 286 203 54 29
363 I can’t believe you wore shorts to meet my parents 1.3908 0.03858 284 199 59 26
364 Well, I hope you do not have to use the bathroom. 1.3908 0.03793 284 197 63 24
365 When you said you had reactions to shellfish, I figured you meant the hives. 1.3908 0.03793 284 197 63 24
366 Don't look to me for sympathy. How do you think the lobster's doing with your hands? 1.3908 0.03793 284 197 63 24
367 OK, you are what you eat. I get it! 1.3908 0.03591 284 191 75 18
368 No, I don't want to see what you did with the third wish. 1.3901 0.03778 282 195 64 23
369 I broke up with my last boyfriend because he wouldn't stop cracking his knuckles. 1.3901 0.03676 282 192 70 20
370 I don't know what I was thinking, Pincer is the worst dating app ever. 1.3895 0.03782 285 198 63 24
371 You should have never agreed to participate in that study. 1.3895 0.03847 285 200 59 26
372 Well, I guess it's slightly better than your actually having crabs! 1.3887 0.03700 283 194 68 21
373 Oh please! I caught you red-handed. 1.3885 0.03711 278 190 68 20
374 Shellfish asshole. 1.3877 0.04194 276 203 39 34
375 I distinctly said I was interested in an upper crust Asian. 1.3871 0.03870 279 196 58 25
376 Well, you didn't have to snap at me. 1.3871 0.03870 279 196 58 25
377 Hey the good news? I have two more wishes left 1.3871 0.03665 279 190 70 19
378 You haven't been the same since we got back from Newberg. 1.3869 0.03711 274 187 68 19
379 I'm not wearing the bib until you put on the whole costume. 1.3869 0.03601 274 184 74 16
380 It's rubber bands for you when we get home. 1.3869 0.03638 274 185 72 17
381 Don't give me that innocent look. I saw you pinch that waitress. 1.3869 0.03564 274 183 76 15
382 Of course I'm crabby, I caught you red-handed." 1.3869 0.03746 274 188 66 20
383 You change anymore and you'll be in hot water. 1.3869 0.03852 274 191 60 23
384 Would it kill you to put on a nice pair of rubber bands? 1.3869 0.03746 274 188 66 20
385 Something doesn't seem kosher. 1.3869 0.03711 274 187 68 19
386 You're in hot water now, mister. 1.3869 0.03782 274 189 64 21
387 Just go back to your man bun - it was surprisingly less stupid. 1.3869 0.03746 274 188 66 20
388 I think blowing your nose is the least of your problems. 1.3869 0.03526 274 182 78 14
389 I’m not angry that you ate your children, Andrew… I’m just disappointed. 1.3865 0.03840 282 198 59 25
390 I am going to have to get you declawed. It solved my problem with the cat. 1.3855 0.03771 275 190 64 21
391 Everyone is staring at us because you insist on wearing white after Labor Day 1.3855 0.03609 275 188 69 18
392 Shorts?! In October?! People are staring! 1.3855 0.03943 275 195 54 26
393 But how was i to know that was your cousin on my plate! 1.3855 0.03909 275 194 56 25
394 When you said "I'm Claude now", I thought you meant you got a name change. 1.3855 0.03841 275 192 60 23
395 I don't care if you identify as a lobster now; we can't afford that beach house. 1.3855 0.03841 275 192 60 23
396 OK. The psoriasis is gone. Big deal. Didn't you pay attention to the other side effects?! 1.3855 0.03591 275 185 74 16
397 It’s me or the 3D printer. 1.3852 0.03961 270 191 54 25
398 I’m not pointing fingers either. 1.3852 0.03709 270 184 68 18
399 How many times have I told you not to pick children up! 1.3852 0.03730 283 196 65 22
400 When you said you had pincers, I assumed you meant dobermans! 1.3849 0.03636 278 189 71 18
401 Well I’m sorry it triggers you, but I want to eat at the seafood place. 1.3846 0.03717 273 187 67 19
402 Don't think that this gets you out of washing dishes 1.3846 0.03570 273 183 75 15
403 I asked you not to wear shorts. 1.3846 0.03681 273 186 69 18
404 I admit they look great on you, but who wears red lobster claws to a black and white cartoon? 1.3846 0.03929 273 193 55 25
405 Is it too much to ask to put rubber bands on when we go out? 1.3846 0.03455 273 180 81 12
406 No,not even LIGHT fondling until you've gone to the dermatologist. 1.3846 0.03894 273 192 57 24
407 Isn't there some other way for you to stop looking at your phone so much? 1.3846 0.03789 273 189 63 21
408 I think I’d rather you just keep biting your nails. 1.3846 0.03789 273 189 63 21
409 You wasted money on a genetic profile just to learn the obvious. 1.3846 0.03894 273 192 57 24
410 They said you were a bottom feeder. I thought they were kidding. 1.3846 0.03753 273 188 65 20
411 I don't want to be your Maine squeeze. 1.3846 0.04097 273 197 45 30
412 It was all right, except for the foreplay. 1.3846 0.03717 273 187 67 19
413 I’m glad you’re coming out of your shell but do you have to snap at everyone? 1.3846 0.03963 273 194 53 26
414 I'm a catch, too, you know. 1.3843 0.03765 268 184 65 19
415 C'est fini, Jean-Clawed. 1.3843 0.03652 268 186 63 19
416 And yes, you're still in hot water. 1.3843 0.03652 268 181 71 16
417 You look different than you did in the tank. 1.3843 0.03727 268 183 67 18
418 I'm crabby? Look in the mirror, Rob. 1.3838 0.04017 271 194 50 27
419 As Gregor Samsa's cousin Howard awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself without opposable thumbs BUT with a hot girlfriend. 1.3838 0.03861 271 192 55 24
420 As long as we're clear that this date ends at first base. 1.3835 0.03783 266 183 64 19
421 Oh well, at least you can walk forwards. 1.3835 0.03707 266 181 68 17
422 You can unzip your own pants from now on. 1.3835 0.03707 266 181 68 17
423 Why must we spend every vacation in Maine? 1.3835 0.04002 266 189 52 25
424 Never wear white after Labor Day! Everyone’s staring. 1.3835 0.03745 266 182 66 18
425 Just my luck. I get a male with small claws. 1.3835 0.03857 266 185 60 21
426 Sure thing, and I'm 1/16th Navajo 1.3835 0.03783 266 183 64 19
427 You could have said something in your profile! 1.3835 0.03820 266 184 62 20
428 "You do that again and I'll get the rubber bands." 1.3835 0.03707 266 181 68 17
429 I can’t believe you wore shorts! 1.3829 0.03934 269 190 55 24
430 What if we have children, will they be able to text? 1.3820 0.03734 267 183 66 18
431 Oh sure, but when I wanted to wear my mermaid tail I was the one who was nuts! 1.3811 0.03636 265 179 71 15
432 You could have added 'literally' in your profile when you said you clawed your way to becoming partner in your law firm. 1.3811 0.03865 265 185 59 21
433 For god's sake get a grip 1.3811 0.04046 265 190 49 26
434 I'm not crabby. You're crabby. 1.3810 0.03925 252 175 58 19
435 How about a nice hot bath and then some drawn butter? 1.3810 0.04004 252 177 54 21
436 Seriously Don. How did you not know the try-out was for mobster! 1.3810 0.03718 252 170 68 14
437 You're not exactly a perfect catch. 1.3810 0.03925 252 175 58 19
438 I thought you meant your name was Claude. 1.3810 0.03760 252 171 66 15
439 Really? After I found you under a rock, now you're feeling trapped?! 1.3808 0.03879 260 181 59 20
440 Is it really too much to ask that you wear slacks when we go out? I'm tired of everyone staring. 1.3802 0.03995 263 187 52 24
441 Honestly, Jared. Shorts in October? 1.3802 0.03885 263 184 58 21
442 I just think you should at least get tested. 1.3802 0.03809 263 182 62 19
443 Must you snap at everybody? 1.3793 0.03631 261 176 71 14
444 At least it’s not crabs. 1.3793 0.03866 261 182 59 20
445 Get a grip! I was just kidding about the hot tub. 1.3793 0.03671 261 179 66 16
446 My last boyfriend was a shrimp. 1.3793 0.03789 261 180 63 18
447 To be honest, your shelfishness is claws for concern. 1.3793 0.03904 261 183 57 21
448 I'm over your salary being determined by market price. 1.3793 0.03904 261 183 57 21
449 What the hell did you put in those brownies? 1.3793 0.03942 261 184 55 22
450 Let it go, Harold. All I ordered were the tails.” 1.3793 0.03979 261 185 53 23
451 I'm just saying it's weird when you order ONLY butter and no popcorn. 1.3793 0.03789 261 180 63 18
452 You seem a little crabby. 1.3793 0.03979 261 185 53 23
453 You're gonna be in hot water when we get home, mister! 1.3789 0.03592 256 171 73 12
454 You know they won’t seat you if you wear shorts. 1.3789 0.03840 256 177 61 18
455 I just can't believe how impatient your guitar teacher was today. 1.3789 0.03759 256 175 65 16
456 I like you better when you’re crabby. 1.3784 0.03769 259 178 64 17
457 The on-line post says, "Loves seafood," but a little more specificity would have been welcome. 1.3784 0.03607 259 174 72 13
458 I’m not a mind reader, Bob. How could I have known you’d be terrified of steam baths? 1.3784 0.03808 259 179 62 18
459 I can't see how it's any more difficult to put on a nice pair of slacks. 1.3784 0.04074 259 186 48 25
460 I'm just saying, you should be more specific on your dating profile than simply saying, "in transition" 1.3784 0.03886 259 181 58 20
461 Was it worth it for the free dinner at Red Lobster? 1.3784 0.03808 259 179 62 18
462 If my husband see us together, we're both going to be in hot water. 1.3784 0.03729 259 177 66 16
463 Removing big hands from preferences on my dating app. 1.3784 0.03925 259 182 56 21
464 When you promised me you were the type to "Claw your way to the top" I didn't think you were quite so literal. 1.3784 0.03886 259 181 58 20
465 Ugh. Another bris ruined. 1.3784 0.04074 259 186 48 25
466 My mother will hate those shorts. 1.3784 0.03886 259 181 58 20
467 Seriously, Gerald, Crocs were one thing, but this is RIDICULOUS. 1.3780 0.03736 254 173 66 15
468 That oughta keep you from picking your nose. 1.3780 0.04056 254 181 50 23
469 Another night starring Mr. Parlor Tricks ends in tragedy. 1.3780 0.03819 254 175 62 17
470 And yet you can’t pick up the check. 1.3774 0.03867 257 179 59 19
471 My therapist thinks I’ve got an overactive imagination. 1.3774 0.03867 257 179 59 19
472 So, anything new in the CRISPR research? 1.3774 0.04133 257 186 45 26
473 Really Edward. Lobsterhands this time? 1.3770 0.03920 252 176 57 19
474 It's not the sarcasm--it's the air quotes. 1.3765 0.04081 255 183 48 24
475 It's just for the party, you said. You can turn the gene back off, you said. You think you're so smart. 1.3765 0.04118 255 184 46 25
476 Why did I buy so much butter? No reason. 1.3765 0.04004 255 181 52 22
477 I wish you’d grow a backbone. 1.3765 0.03887 255 178 58 19
478 No, I don’t think you should wait for your annual. It is worth the co-pay! 1.3765 0.03725 255 174 66 15
479 You never listen to me--I said I was a Presbyterian, not a Pescatarian. 1.3765 0.03966 255 180 54 21
480 Look on the bright side. You no longer bite your nails. 1.3765 0.03598 255 171 72 12
481 Larry, I think we should take a little break from the foreplay. 1.3760 0.03776 258 178 63 17
482 But nooo, you just HAD to try them on 1.3755 0.03743 253 173 65 15
483 They're decorative oven mitts, Paul, not winter gloves. 1.3755 0.03826 253 175 61 17
484 Nice try, but nobody thinks those things mean you have a big penis. 1.3745 0.03928 251 176 56 19
485 How dare your mother ask me to convert. 1.3745 0.03804 251 173 62 16
486 Stop being so shellfish. 1.3745 0.04008 251 178 52 21
487 They say "bottom dweller" a lot more than they say "cutting edge." 1.3745 0.03928 251 176 56 19
488 Claude you look ridiculous. I told you yesterday you can’t wear white after Labor Day. 1.3745 0.03928 251 176 56 19
489 Now I know why your dating profile said former marine. 1.3745 0.03968 251 177 54 20
490 "I was not trying to butter you up!" 1.3745 0.03846 251 174 60 17
491 And you're the one calling me crabby!?!? 1.3745 0.04008 251 178 52 21
492 Jeff we talked about this. You have to wear the full suit or you just look dumb 1.3745 0.03719 251 171 66 14
493 Couldn't you have at least worn socks? 1.3745 0.03968 251 177 54 20
494 She had no business asking about your tail! 1.3745 0.03968 251 177 54 20
495 You could always just stop biting your nails. 1.3745 0.03928 251 176 56 19
496 Well you know what? My hands are cold too, so just grow up. 1.3745 0.03928 251 176 56 19
497 I think it's time to return Kafka to the library. 1.3745 0.03968 251 177 54 20
498 We're stuck in this, for butter or worse. 1.3735 0.04109 249 179 47 23
499 'I'll get the glassware down' he says... 1.3735 0.03989 249 176 53 20
500 That's the third bra you've ruined this week. 1.3725 0.03800 247 170 62 15
501 I still don't understand why you refuse to wear socks. 1.3725 0.03969 247 174 54 19
502 Can’t you just get a tattoo like the rest of the guys? 1.3714 0.03948 245 172 55 18
503 I bring up my ex once, and the claws come out... 1.3714 0.04032 245 174 51 20
504 I can’t believe you’re wearing those shorts to meet my parents. 1.3714 0.03775 245 168 63 14
505 Sorry Bert, this isn't working out. I am tired of being referred to as Mrs. Claws. 1.3710 0.03915 248 174 56 18
506 How many wishes do you have left? 1.3699 0.03977 246 174 53 19
507 You had to open every jar in the store, didn't you? 1.3695 0.04221 249 183 40 26
508 Sometimes you can be so shellfish. 1.3693 0.04034 241 171 51 19
509 Need I remind you–last time we held hands I ended up in the ER. 1.3689 0.04164 244 177 44 23
510 I fought the claw, and the claw won. 1.3686 0.03959 236 165 55 16
511 You aren't wearing the wedding ring again. 1.3682 0.03924 239 167 56 16
512 That’s the last time I’m helping you with your zipper! 1.3673 0.03943 245 173 54 18
513 Do we have to visit Maine for every vacation? 1.3673 0.03814 245 170 60 15
514 That’s still no reason not to shake my father’s hand. 1.3673 0.03769 245 169 62 14
515 Acceptance can only go so far, I refuse to wear a bib in bed. 1.3673 0.03900 245 172 56 17
516 I’m the one who’s always crabby? 1.3673 0.03857 245 171 58 16
517 The Seafood Festival was 3 days ago, Jake. Time to move on. 1.3673 0.03857 245 171 58 16
518 When you described yourself as a lobsterman, I expected a salty hunk from Maine. 1.3673 0.04068 245 176 48 21
519 When I said 'pinch me,' I didn't mean it literally. 1.3673 0.03857 245 171 58 16
520 I can’t decide if I am more mortified as a vegan or a fashionista. 1.3671 0.04035 237 168 51 18
521 Maybe I'm just tired of being referred to as Mrs. Claws. 1.3671 0.03463 237 156 75 6
522 Yeah Roger, nipples *are* pretty sensitive. Just don"t let it happen again. 1.3671 0.03807 237 165 58 14
523 I mean, you don't see me wearing my California Roll hat when we go out for sushi. 1.3669 0.03825 248 173 59 16
524 When your dating profile indicated ‘lobsterman,’ I thought you meant your profession! 1.3669 0.03694 248 170 65 13
525 My mother always has to bring up her allergy to shellfish when we visit. 1.3667 0.03955 240 169 54 17
526 The invitation specifically said "No Shorts"! 1.3667 0.03911 240 168 56 16
527 Why I ever considered dating a bottom feeder, I'll never know. 1.3663 0.04007 243 173 51 19
528 Hands down, the profile pic is always misleading. 1.3660 0.04012 235 166 52 17
529 And don't try and deny it. I saw you pinch that waitress" 1.3659 0.03622 246 167 68 11
530 It would just be nice to have help putting on my necklace. 1.3659 0.03972 246 175 52 19
531 Sure, everyone says they're willing to claw their way to the top, but can you stand the heat? 1.3659 0.04054 246 177 48 21
532 I’m just saying it would be nice to order the lobster just once without you judging me. 1.3655 0.04065 238 170 49 19
533 They may be warm but they LOOK ridiculous. 1.3648 0.03942 233 163 55 15
534 I'm an independent woman, Larry, I'm not trying to trap you. 1.3648 0.04035 233 165 51 17
535 If you didn't want to hold my hand you could've just said so." 1.3636 0.03718 231 157 64 10
536 Seriously? You had one wish. And this is what you came up with?! 1.3636 0.04194 231 167 44 20
537 You're OK. It's the handsy guys I can't stand. 1.3636 0.04057 231 164 50 17
538 You call ME crabby?!?!? 1.3636 0.04103 231 165 48 18
539 When I told you I like lobster this is not what I meant! 1.3636 0.03867 231 160 58 13
540 I just don't understand why you have to be so shellfish. 1.3636 0.04010 231 163 52 16
541 I told you I prefer the tail! 1.3629 0.03753 237 163 62 12
542 It's not you, it's me. I don't like holding hands. 1.3629 0.03894 237 166 56 15
543 NO, to every intimate thought you might be having. 1.3624 0.03985 229 161 53 15
544 I'm NOT helping you with zippers. 1.3624 0.03737 229 156 63 10
545 You looked different in the tank" 1.3624 0.04127 229 164 47 18
546 So tell me again how you're going to claw your way to the top. 1.3624 0.04080 229 163 49 17
547 All you ever talk about is clawing your way to the top. 1.3624 0.04033 229 162 51 16
548 Frankly, I prefer to be tickled. 1.3624 0.04033 229 162 51 16
549 Well, I think she was out of line for saying they looked delicious. 1.3624 0.04219 229 166 43 20
550 You know, sometimes you're so shellfish. 1.3624 0.04173 229 165 45 19
551 So what else can you do besides open jars? 1.3624 0.03838 229 158 59 12
552 You've changed. 1.3612 0.03909 227 158 56 13
553 There's something fishy about your mother's past. 1.3612 0.03958 227 159 54 14
554 That joke about being a gynecologist stopped being funny a long time ago. 1.3612 0.04151 227 163 46 18
555 I just don’t like how other women look at you like they want to dip you in melted butter. 1.3612 0.04197 227 164 44 19
556 Do you need to tell EVERYONE your first name is Santa? 1.3612 0.04151 227 163 46 18
557 Don't you dare pinch my ass! 1.3609 0.03699 230 164 52 14
558 Sorry, but it's not what I meant when I said I was looking for a catch. 1.3609 0.03971 230 162 53 15
559 Oh, I guess I'M the crabby one?! 1.3600 0.03980 225 158 53 14
560 So... You think You're on a roll, Eh ? 1.3600 0.03980 225 158 53 14
561 Well, there was no reason to snap at me! 1.3600 0.04175 225 162 45 18
562 So you think you can just claw your way back into my life.” 1.3600 0.03930 225 162 47 16
563 You’ll do in a pinch. 1.3600 0.03669 225 152 65 8
564 Sometimes it’s like you’ve been living under a rock. 1.3600 0.04175 225 162 45 18
565 Yeah, I'm upset. You were caught red handed! 1.3600 0.04030 225 159 51 15
566 I am from Maine, why do you ask? 1.3600 0.04030 225 159 51 15
567 I am positive I said "claw foot". And I was talking about a bath tub. 1.3600 0.04315 225 165 39 21
568 Maybe next time you'll listen to me and read the FULL list of side effects. 1.3600 0.04079 225 160 49 16
569 You had ONE wish!!! Only ONE!!! And all you could think of was FOOD????!!!! 1.3600 0.03980 225 158 53 14
570 Didn't I tell you I keep kosher? 1.3600 0.04030 225 159 51 15
571 Now I'M steaming. 1.3591 0.03719 220 149 63 8
572 I'd love to see the lobster that got your hands! 1.3587 0.04341 223 164 38 21
573 It's not you, it's me. I don't date Genetically Modified Organisms 1.3587 0.04077 223 161 45 17
574 'Don't be silly,' you said, 'genetically modified food is perfectly safe.' 1.3587 0.03768 223 160 49 14
575 You embarrass me so much every time we go out Todd...Cargo shorts? Really? 1.3587 0.04151 223 160 46 17
576 I guess you are what you eat. 1.3587 0.03900 223 155 56 12
577 Anything else huge and pink? 1.3587 0.04199 223 161 44 18
578 I told you to take Benadryl before we ordered. 1.3587 0.04127 223 162 43 18
579 Why must you put those on every time we visit my parents? 1.3587 0.03952 223 156 54 13
580 What happened to the man who treated me with kid gloves? 1.3587 0.04002 223 157 52 14
581 Not quite what I was expecting when your dating profile said "a part of me yearns for the open sea." 1.3587 0.04102 223 159 48 16
582 We are not naming our son Thermador. 1.3587 0.04102 223 159 48 16
583 Hopefully, this will keep you from picking you nose!" 1.3587 0.04247 223 162 42 19
584 Well who else could have given me crabs? 1.3587 0.04294 223 163 40 20
585 Just because they serve seafood doesn't mean it's someone you knew. 1.3587 0.04102 223 159 48 16
586 If they keep setting your bail at the market price per pound, I’m not going to pay it again. 1.3587 0.04052 223 158 50 15
587 It's just...I think you should have mentioned it in your profile... 1.3587 0.04247 223 162 42 19
588 Why do you always think that I trapped you? 1.3587 0.03952 223 156 54 13
589 Red-handed means different things to different people 1.3587 0.04002 223 157 52 14
590 Why don't you ever return my texts? 1.3587 0.03768 223 160 49 14
591 So you're trans crustacean? 1.3587 0.04247 223 162 42 19
592 Because I'm allergic to shellfish, that's why. 1.3587 0.03952 223 156 54 13
593 I am not holding your claw till you put the rubber band back on. 1.3587 0.04247 223 162 42 19
594 I told you not to eat that gas station sushi 1.3585 0.04249 212 152 44 16
595 If you touch me again I'll suck out your hand. 1.3575 0.04273 221 161 41 19
596 No, I never ever said I thought Edward Scissorhands was cute. 1.3575 0.03973 221 155 53 13
597 Mention my sister again and you'll be in hot water. 1.3575 0.04076 221 157 49 15
598 At least you're more of a gentleman than my last boyfriend... he was a real octopus. 1.3575 0.04126 221 158 47 16
599 It’s taken a while, but you’re finally coming out of your shell! 1.3571 0.03886 224 156 56 12
600 We never go out any more. I feel like you’re turning into a hermit. 1.3571 0.03834 224 155 58 11
601 Well, the frog just needed a KISS! 1.3571 0.04371 224 166 36 22
602 Charlie the Tuna says you take the dive in the third round - got it? 1.3571 0.03886 224 156 56 12
603 No sex until you molt. 1.3565 0.04086 216 153 49 14
604 It's over. I've had enough of your shellfishness. 1.3562 0.03943 219 153 54 12
605 Not even to first base, buddy! 1.3562 0.03996 219 154 52 13
606 So don't order the bisque. You didn't have to make such a scene. 1.3562 0.03943 219 153 54 12
607 I can't stand it! Everyone just assumes we're from Maine" 1.3562 0.04048 219 155 50 14
608 Pinch me one more time and the rubber bands are going back on. 1.3562 0.04048 219 155 50 14
609 I can't believe we're going to Le Bernardin, and you're wearing shorts. 1.3559 0.04060 222 158 49 15
610 I just don't like you as much since you've come out of your shell! 1.3548 0.04123 217 155 47 15
611 I was worried when the doctor said there may be side effects, but I feel fine. How about you? 1.3548 0.03911 217 151 55 11
612 No! I won't help you 'pee'. 1.3548 0.04275 217 158 41 18
613 Well I don't know what kind of job you think you're going to get now but you're finished as a masseuse 1.3548 0.04374 217 160 37 20
614 My profile clearly states I have a shellfish allergy. 1.3548 0.04018 217 153 51 13
615 Before we go any further, you need to know I was raised orthodox. 1.3548 0.03965 217 152 53 12
616 If you pinch me... you’ll be in such hot water! 1.3548 0.04225 217 157 43 17
617 No, you’re snappy... 1.3548 0.04123 217 155 47 15
618 Yeah, I know my Tinder profile says likes seafood, but really? 1.3548 0.03965 217 152 53 12
619 Your profile didn't mention that you're Republican. 1.3548 0.04225 217 157 43 17
620 So, why the slow boil? 1.3545 0.04233 220 160 42 18
621 You're an adult, I shouldn't have to tie your shoes. 1.3535 0.03704 215 146 62 7
622 I keep kosher. 1.3535 0.04251 215 156 42 17
623 How do you even swipe right with those? 1.3535 0.04094 215 153 48 14
624 I support your transition Tom, but you have to at least compromise about the garlic butter. 1.3535 0.04147 215 157 42 16
625 I can't believe you are wearing white after Labor Day 1.3535 0.04094 215 153 48 14
626 I can't believe you regrew them. 1.3535 0.04041 215 152 50 13
627 I need you to know that I'm not kosher. 1.3535 0.04199 215 155 44 16
628 When you said you came from a long line of lobstermen, I didn't think you meant genetically. 1.3535 0.04199 215 155 44 16
629 So we’re agreed - we’ll skip right past foreplay. 1.3535 0.03960 215 153 49 13
630 That was your last wish Todd! What happened to world peace? 1.3535 0.04041 215 152 50 13
631 Shorts? You're wearing shorts on a first date while I'm wearing a dress? 1.3532 0.04107 218 156 47 15
632 You are not going to claw your way to the top in shorts. 1.3532 0.04055 218 155 49 14
633 Well, your profile picture wasn’t a full body shot, either. 1.3532 0.04209 218 158 43 17
634 Any excuse not to hold hands in public!" 1.3521 0.03926 213 151 50 12
635 I was expecting this night to go a little differently when you said you had big hands. 1.3521 0.04145 213 155 42 16
636 Sometimes I need to be buttered up, too. 1.3521 0.04064 213 151 49 13
637 Dave, once again, please don't click-clack your claws along with the music. It's SO embarrassing. The whole restaurant was looking at us! 1.3521 0.04118 213 152 47 14
638 We just started dating, you should be wearing a rubber band. 1.3521 0.04118 213 152 47 14
639 When did you become so shellfish? 1.3521 0.04172 213 153 45 15
640 I told you we shouldn’t have spent the summer in Maine. 1.3521 0.04118 213 152 47 14
641 Of all the superhero's you could have chosen and you pick Lobster Man? 1.3521 0.04064 213 151 49 13
642 Button your own shorts from now on! 1.3521 0.03897 213 148 55 10
643 Well, well, Mr. Wandering Hands! That will teach you to goose a witch! 1.3521 0.04479 213 159 33 21
644 And stop referring to me as “my little buttercup” 1.3521 0.04379 213 157 37 19
645 If you didn't like holding hands, you could have just said so. 1.3521 0.04009 213 150 51 12
646 I swear to God, if you quote T.S. Eliot one more time... 1.3521 0.04225 213 154 43 16
647 I don't care...you're still going to wear a wedding band! 1.3521 0.03954 213 149 53 11
648 We finally meet a genie, and you have to start quoting T.S. Eliot! 1.3521 0.04064 213 151 49 13
649 No Bob,I don't know how to "dress up as butter." 1.3521 0.03897 213 148 55 10
650 Do your new gloves pinch? 1.3521 0.04009 213 150 51 12
651 I'm told you must be at least 3 1/4 inches to keep, and can’t be over 5 inches. 1.3521 0.04277 213 155 41 17
652 You know damn well my parents are strictly kosher... 1.3521 0.04118 213 152 47 14
653 Definitely not tonight! 1.3521 0.03897 213 148 55 10
654 Let me be clear, foreplay is not an option. 1.3521 0.04277 213 155 41 17
655 Frankly, I'm shell shocked. 1.3521 0.03982 213 157 40 16
656 Hands down, you are the most shellfish person I know! 1.3521 0.04379 213 157 37 19
657 This wasn't exactly the infidelity claws I was thinking of. 1.3521 0.03954 213 149 53 11
658 I knew you didn’t want to shake hands with my ex, but this is ridiculous! 1.3519 0.04183 216 156 44 16
659 So.....Who got the tail? 1.3519 0.03917 216 151 54 11
660 Remember to stay out of the hot tub. 1.3519 0.04234 216 157 42 17
661 You’re so bisque averse. 1.3507 0.04250 211 153 42 16
662 Must you make a scene every time you see a distant cousin on the menu? 1.3507 0.04088 211 150 48 13
663 You want a what job? 1.3507 0.04303 211 154 40 17
664 I bet you’d love to get your claws into her. 1.3507 0.04032 211 149 50 12
665 I don't care what you say, Raymond. We're not going to Maine this year. 1.3507 0.04088 211 150 48 13
666 I know I said I would be supportive of your transformation, but I’m not going to call you “Claw-dia”. 1.3507 0.04250 211 153 42 16
667 Don't even think about it. 1.3507 0.03948 211 150 49 12
668 Really, Jeremy, you at least could have shaved and wore pants; this dinner is important to me! 1.3507 0.04355 211 155 38 18
669 Every time you hold me I feel I need to smash you with a hammer. 1.3507 0.04250 211 153 42 16
670 Well, at least it’s not crabs. 1.3507 0.04060 211 152 45 14
671 It’s like you are always trying to embarrase me in front of my friends. I’ve told you before, those shorts look bad on you. 1.3507 0.03861 211 146 56 9
672 Touch me again and you'll be up to your wrists in butter. 1.3507 0.04197 211 152 44 15
673 kEEP YOUR CLAWS OFF ME, HEAR?! 1.3507 0.03861 211 155 40 15
674 Did you have to embarrass me by wearing shorts? 1.3507 0.04143 211 151 46 14
675 You’re becoming so shellfish” 1.3505 0.04102 214 153 47 14
676 Technically, you didn't catch me red-handed. 1.3502 0.04167 217 157 44 16
677 I told you they'd grow back 1.3493 0.03998 209 147 51 11
678 Which part of “get your claws off me” didn’t you understand? 1.3493 0.04167 209 150 45 14
679 You just don't seem very evolved. 1.3493 0.04222 209 151 43 15
680 That's not what I meant when I told you to get a grip. 1.3493 0.04056 209 148 49 12
681 For once, I would like to vacation somewhere other than Maine. 1.3493 0.04112 209 149 47 13
682 . . . and no more clicking along with the castanets! 1.3493 0.04167 209 150 45 14
683 You have a real shellfish streak, Rob." 1.3493 0.04112 209 149 47 13
684 Look Crabclaws, I dated Edward Scissorhands, and you’re NO EDWARD SCISSORHANDS! 1.3491 0.04127 212 152 46 14
685 Oh, and another thing ..."lobster-man" is the dumbest idea for a superhero I have ever heard 1.3480 0.03940 204 142 53 9
686 And you get all upset when I spend a lousy forty bucks to have my nails done. 1.3480 0.04120 204 145 47 12
687 I have asked you repeatedly to stop snapping at me. 1.3480 0.04120 204 145 47 12
688 When they said "independent clause," didn't you ask them to spell it? 1.3480 0.04178 204 146 45 13
689 All that money for dental school down the drain. 1.3478 0.04193 207 149 44 14
690 Of all the radioactive creatures to have been bitten by... 1.3478 0.04136 207 148 46 13
691 I thought you said you got tested for crabs 1.3478 0.04303 207 151 40 16
692 No one claps that loud at an Aquaman movie. 1.3478 0.04303 207 151 40 16
693 And what about all that money we wasted on piano lessons... 1.3478 0.04357 207 152 38 17
694 Gosh Barry, sometimes you can really be a shellfish jerk. 1.3463 0.04218 205 148 43 14
695 You will do Anything to avoid foreplay, won’t you??! 1.3463 0.04161 205 147 45 13
696 I'm sorry, but who wears long sleeves and shorts? 1.3462 0.04286 208 152 40 16
697 ...and you think I’m crabby in the morning!? 1.3462 0.03888 208 145 54 9
698 So ”I'd love lobster claws” was your 3rd wish? 1.3452 0.04151 197 140 46 11
699 I’m reaching my boiling point 1.3450 0.04229 200 144 43 13
700 For the last time, I will not dip you in melted butter. 1.3448 0.04244 203 147 42 14
701 Well the meet-up profile said C-L-A-U-D-E. 1.3447 0.04312 206 151 39 16
702 Sandy Claws? Seriously? 1.3447 0.04087 206 147 47 12
703 No, Brian, they are not going to be the next big thing. 1.3447 0.04028 206 146 49 11
704 I am your wife, Brandon. And not even I have a clue what you're protesting. 1.3445 0.04159 209 151 44 14
705 Just my luck to fall for the guy who’s least likely to give good back rubs. 1.3433 0.04092 201 143 47 11
706 That's what you get for teasing the wizard about his small hands. 1.3433 0.03969 201 141 51 9
707 I preferred it when your hands were just clammy. 1.3433 0.03905 201 140 53 8
708 You’re too old to have to claw your way to the top. 1.3433 0.03969 201 141 51 9
709 You wasted your last wish on lobster claws? 1.3433 0.04442 201 149 35 17
710 If they were any color other than orange … 1.3433 0.04442 201 149 35 17
711 'You'll do in a pinch' is not what I was hoping to hear." 1.3433 0.04092 201 143 47 11
712 I just thought by now you would have come out of your shell. 1.3433 0.04212 201 145 43 13
713 And I'm sick of sending text after text with no response. 1.3417 0.04054 199 141 48 10
714 Tell me again! What was the bet? 1.3417 0.04116 199 142 46 11
715 Well, I'm boiling too. 1.3417 0.04414 199 147 36 16
716 I just want to hold hands in public. 1.3417 0.04297 199 145 40 14
717 For the last time, I'm not calling you "CrawDaddy". 1.3417 0.04238 199 144 42 13
718 Anything ELSE you want to tell me about your "business trip" to Vegas?! 1.3417 0.04054 199 141 48 10
719 I told you not to wear shorts to dinner 1.3417 0.04178 199 143 44 12
720 No need denying it. You were caught red handed! 1.3417 0.04238 199 144 42 13
721 No, no, second base is so not happening. 1.3417 0.04116 199 142 46 11
722 I warned you that wearing shorts without socks on such a chilly day would bring unwanted attention. 1.3417 0.04054 199 141 48 10
723 We don't need the whole costume, you said. Minimalism, you said. Suggestive irony, you said. And then Herb and Sheila win everything with a horse costume. 1.3417 0.04054 199 141 48 10
724 Sometimes a woman wants to open to her own walnuts. 1.3417 0.03862 199 138 54 7
725 So I assume seafood is out of the question? 1.3417 0.04054 199 141 48 10
726 I don't think I should have to quit eating lobster just because we're dating. 1.3417 0.04297 199 145 40 14
727 I'm getting tired of your excuses for not doing the dishes. 1.3417 0.04238 199 144 42 13
728 If you get the matching shoes, it's divorce 1.3417 0.04297 199 145 40 14
729 You were being a bit crabby back there. 1.3417 0.04356 199 146 38 15
730 No, butter will not make me like you any better. 1.3416 0.04045 202 146 44 12
731 Next time wear the whole thing. 1.3416 0.04310 202 148 39 15
732 My mother warned me about bottom-feeders like you. 1.3416 0.04310 202 148 39 15
733 That's no excuse for not picking up the check. 1.3416 0.04105 202 147 42 13
734 And you think I’m being crabby today? 1.3415 0.04321 205 151 38 16
735 I can't believe you forgot the rubber bands again! 1.3415 0.04152 205 148 44 13
736 Would it kill you to wear gloves? 1.3402 0.04054 194 137 48 9
737 You know, sometimes you can be so shellfish. 1.3401 0.04443 197 146 35 16
738 Let's find you a good pair of rubber bands." 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
739 How is this less embarrassing than a doggie bag? 1.3401 0.04141 197 141 45 11
740 I wished you take off that stupid human outfit. 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
741 Next time, spare me the foreplay. 1.3401 0.04670 197 150 27 20
742 You didn’t have to snap at me. 1.3401 0.04014 197 139 49 9
743 Why are you in such a crabby mood? 1.3401 0.04203 197 142 43 12
744 Your profile said you were a real catch. 1.3401 0.04203 197 142 43 12
745 I told you this would not get you a discount at Red Lobster. 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
746 So what was it like growing up in Maine? 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
747 Figure a new way to pee..I'm not your mother... 1.3401 0.04325 197 144 39 14
748 They're not the most stylish of gloves, but they'll do in a pinch. 1.3401 0.04141 197 141 45 11
749 Your mother really is a witch, isn't she? 1.3401 0.04078 197 140 47 10
750 You expect me to believe you weren't clawing that other woman? 1.3401 0.04325 197 144 39 14
751 Pinch me one more time and you’re going directly into the steamer. 1.3401 0.04203 197 142 43 12
752 We're putting the rubber bands back on. 1.3401 0.04443 197 146 35 16
753 Why does it always have to be about you? 1.3401 0.04325 197 144 39 14
754 So when Lois first accused you of pinching her, you said ‘that’s impossible.’ Now you’re saying it might have happened?? 1.3401 0.04203 197 142 43 12
755 So how, exactly, did you manage to swipe right? 1.3401 0.04325 197 144 39 14
756 You just keep your claws to yourself! 1.3401 0.04141 197 141 45 11
757 Okay, fine. Yes, you look like your profile picture but it was still misleading. 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
758 You didn’t need to butter up my mother like that. 1.3401 0.04203 197 142 43 12
759 We never get to go to my parents in Indiana...it's always back to your parents in Maine for Thanksgiving 1.3401 0.04264 197 143 41 13
760 No one wears crustacean anymore. 1.3401 0.04014 197 139 49 9
761 No! You're on your own in the Restroom! 1.3401 0.04014 197 139 49 9
762 I'm serious this time, John. If you pinch me one more time, the rubber bands are going back on! 1.3399 0.04059 203 145 47 11
763 Why'd I bother taking the rubber bands off if you still won't hold my hand? 1.3383 0.04202 201 146 42 13
764 Tie your own shoes for a change. 1.3371 0.04406 175 126 39 10
765 Good luck trying to piss, genius. 1.3371 0.04832 175 132 27 16
766 I can't order lobster, but you can order ladyfingers? 1.3369 0.04146 187 133 45 9
767 Because "old Gypsy woman" is ageist, ethnically insensitive, and misogynistic, that's why I'm taking her side. 1.3367 0.03751 196 145 40 11
768 You should have thought about that before you made your last wish 1.3367 0.04334 196 144 38 14
769 I’m sorry I snapped. 1.3351 0.04241 185 133 42 10
770 No, you may not touch my nipples. 1.3351 0.04471 191 142 34 15
771 I caught you red handed Bob, it's over 1.3351 0.04185 191 140 39 12
772 Well, my nightmare is getting married somewhere OTHER than New England. 1.3351 0.04017 191 135 48 8
773 It's not you, I'm just not into holding hands in public. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
774 Why can't you be more like your brother Ed with those sexy scissor-hands? 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
775 As your attorney, I want you to understand that you misunderstood me when I said that we need to replace the clause. 1.3351 0.04533 191 143 32 16
776 No I don't want to hold your Hand! 1.3351 0.04218 191 138 42 11
777 On your tindr profile, you had rubber bands on. 1.3351 0.04409 191 141 36 14
778 Stop telling me to get a grip. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
779 The claws are impressive. Its the accent I don't get. 1.3351 0.04218 191 138 42 11
780 OK. Cured your finger snapping. Now we’ll work on your gum popping. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
781 I told you that I was wearing a dress and YOU decide to wear shorts. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
782 There's more to life than just being good in a pinch. 1.3351 0.04533 191 143 32 16
783 No I won’t pick your nose. 1.3351 0.04085 191 136 46 9
784 Claus is spelled CLAUS. Next year, I will order the costumes. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
785 I said the theme was “Mobsters”! 1.3351 0.04218 191 138 42 11
786 Tell the Kafka Institute we want our money back. 1.3351 0.04593 191 144 30 17
787 But I am trying to break out of my shell. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
788 NOT in your eharmony profile. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
789 You just keep getting yourself into hot water, Paul. 1.3351 0.04409 191 141 36 14
790 My suggestion, skip ballet lessons and try Flamenco. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
791 You're claws weren't the issue ... it was your stupid shorts. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
792 How many times have I told you. You are what you eat 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
793 Mister Big Shot. Kafka, you had to say, who reads Kafka any more? 1.3351 0.04533 191 143 32 16
794 What now, a high two? 1.3351 0.04152 191 137 44 10
795 How can you even try to deny pinching our hostess's butt, when you were caught red-handed? 1.3351 0.04218 191 138 42 11
796 No way dude...I mean, if you were Johnny Depp I'd think about it, maybe. 1.3351 0.04152 191 137 44 10
797 If you think this means you never have to do the dishes again, think again mister. 1.3351 0.04152 191 137 44 10
798 How were you able to swipe right in the first place? 1.3351 0.04017 191 135 48 8
799 I just wanted to talk and you come out with your claws on. 1.3351 0.04085 191 136 46 9
800 We have to get you more out of your shell. 1.3333 0.03970 189 133 49 7
801 I'm so tired of your excuses for making me pay. 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
802 No, not even if you bathe in butter. 1.3333 0.04222 186 134 42 10
803 I suppose if you have them removed, they'll just grow back... 1.3333 0.04222 186 134 42 10
804 That's the third buffet we were thrown out of. 1.3333 0.04211 189 139 38 12
805 It’s that they’re orange. Who in their right mind wants to look orange? 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
806 Don’t get snappy with me, Mister! 1.3333 0.04222 186 134 42 10
807 Larry couldn't wait to get his claws on Jill, especially after she buttered him up a little. 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
808 I just get tired of the "butter wouldn't melt in your mouth" joke... 1.3333 0.03466 186 139 38 9
809 The rubber bands go right back on the next time you pinch someone again." 1.3333 0.04222 186 134 42 10
810 Try groping some woman now! 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
811 We’ve tried your specialists, now will you see a marine biologist ? 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
812 No, I will not wear a bib. 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
813 No honey, they weren’t wondering why you wore shorts. 1.3333 0.04152 186 133 44 9
814 So much for snap chat! 1.3333 0.04679 186 141 28 17
815 No, I'm steamed... 1.3333 0.04244 189 137 41 11
816 When you said in your profile you were really in to shellfish... you can imagine what I assumed. 1.3333 0.04010 186 131 48 7
817 I suppose you'll want your own pool now. 1.3333 0.04152 186 133 44 9
818 I told you that guy wasn’t a real dermatologist 1.3333 0.04489 186 138 34 14
819 You lost the key to the handcuffs, you couldn't untie the rope, and now this? 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
820 I'm not saying I would've swiped left, I just don't understand how you swiped right. 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
821 How was I supposed to know she really was a sorceress? 1.3333 0.04424 186 137 36 13
822 Don't you think you're being a little shellfish? 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
823 I’m not kink-shaming, I just don’t want to wear a bib. 1.3333 0.04010 186 131 48 7
824 For the last time Jason; the lobster mac and cheese was the special! She was not making fun of your claws! 1.3333 0.04553 186 139 32 15
825 Don't be silly, of course no one will notice. 1.3333 0.04424 186 137 36 13
826 No, Steve, you can’t just claw your way back into my life. 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
827 I don't care if it is a B52's concert, you aren't going dressed like that. 1.3333 0.04489 186 138 34 14
828 Well that's the last time we visit my parents without your rubber bands. 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
829 You knew we were meeting my parents for lunch, you couldn't have even put on pants? 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
830 That has got to be the most ironic Viagra side effect yet. 1.3333 0.04222 186 134 42 10
831 You look ridiculous in those shorts. 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
832 And now we are banned from pottery class too! 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
833 ... and how come everyone but you knows the Goldbergs keep kosher 1.3333 0.04489 186 138 34 14
834 I wish you wouldn't be so shellfish. 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
835 I love you, Roger, but the pinching has to stop. 1.3333 0.04489 186 138 34 14
836 For the last time I said that I loved Lobster tails. 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
837 I know your profile said you're from Maine but this was a surprise. 1.3333 0.04424 186 137 36 13
838 Walking shorts and a pullover, you call that dressing up? 1.3333 0.04152 186 133 44 9
839 Well dirty boy, when we get home what do you say I draw a nice hot bath for you. 1.3333 0.04290 186 135 40 11
840 Well I can tell you this Mister; the elastics are going back on! 1.3333 0.04357 186 136 38 12
841 I notice you never pick up the check 1.3333 0.03937 186 130 50 6
842 Yeah, I'm the one who's always crabby. 1.3333 0.04679 186 141 28 17
843 I told you not to trust any surgeon for your carpal tunnel syndrome! 1.3333 0.04082 186 132 46 8
844 They were on sale?? That's all you have to say? 1.3333 0.04222 186 134 42 10
845 Look, it's not you. It's me and my allergies. 1.3316 0.04134 187 134 44 9
846 Take them off. That's only cool in Boston. 1.3315 0.04106 184 131 45 8
847 I'm sure this is another excuse for not touching me 1.3315 0.04386 184 135 37 12
848 You really don’t understand why we can’t go to third base??? 1.3315 0.04453 184 136 35 13
849 It not the claws that bother me. It’s all the mercury. 1.3315 0.04178 184 132 43 9
850 The kids are expecting Santa Claus, not Lobster Claws, you boob! 1.3315 0.04386 184 135 37 12
851 Sorry! Still no excuse for leaving the toilet seat up. 1.3315 0.04249 184 133 41 10
852 ...and don't start sidestepping! 1.3315 0.04142 184 134 40 10
853 It is not going to help us get a table. 1.3315 0.04106 184 131 45 8
854 You and your allergies. 1.3315 0.04249 184 133 41 10
855 Of course they are sore... 1.3314 0.04318 175 126 40 9
856 Porn Addiction Recovery 1.3314 0.04541 175 129 34 12
857 Sure, I was interested—when I thought you said ‘part mobster.’ 1.3314 0.04468 175 128 36 11
858 Why would you think I'm just trying to butter you up? 1.3314 0.04393 175 127 38 10
859 Maine men are the worst; you'll latch on to anyone. 1.3314 0.04468 175 128 36 11
860 You shellfish bastard. 1.3314 0.04393 175 127 38 10
861 There's no such thing as Lobsterman. 1.3314 0.04318 175 126 40 9
862 Beautiful wife, enormous mansion...why did you waste your third wish on lobster hands? 1.3314 0.04163 175 124 44 7
863 That's it. I'm done online dating. 1.3314 0.04393 175 127 38 10
864 And you still haven’t clawed your way to the top? 1.3314 0.04318 175 126 40 9
865 So sleep with the fishes, not me. 1.3314 0.04468 175 128 36 11
866 I just wish you'd stop molting. 1.3314 0.03659 175 128 40 7
867 I just don't see "Lobster-Man" as a viable superhero. 1.3314 0.03961 175 124 45 6
868 I thought you said, "Claud." 1.3314 0.04753 175 132 28 15
869 You’re shellfish. 1.3314 0.04612 175 130 32 13
870 Don’t you dare try to butter me up 1.3314 0.04683 175 131 30 14
871 You never want to hold hands 1.3314 0.04393 175 127 38 10
872 This is why I don't take you nice places. 1.3314 0.04393 175 127 38 10
873 I don't like having them pinched! 1.3314 0.04541 175 129 34 12
874 Well that was un-clawed for. 1.3314 0.04612 175 130 32 13
875 You’re just too shellfish, Brad. 1.3314 0.04541 175 129 34 12
876 And don't come crawling back. 1.3314 0.04318 175 126 40 9
877 Those shorts make you look like a dork. 1.3297 0.04204 182 131 42 9
878 I want "pinchy-pinchy-pinchy" out of your vocabulary. 1.3297 0.04346 182 133 38 11
879 You would think that you could pick up a check once in awhile. 1.3297 0.04168 182 133 39 10
880 Let's see if you can control yourself without the rubber bands. 1.3297 0.04131 182 130 44 8
881 You're just shellfish! 1.3297 0.04240 182 134 37 11
882 What I just did for you in that restroom will haunt me forever. 1.3297 0.04551 182 136 32 14
883 Seems like a pretty lame excuse to not cuddle. 1.3297 0.04131 182 130 44 8
884 You could have asked for the tail. 1.3297 0.04204 182 131 42 9
885 It's not going to be much of a relationship if I have to tie your shoes every time. 1.3297 0.04204 182 131 42 9
886 All I'm saying is that I think you should have mentioned that you used to work in Fukushima in your profile. 1.3297 0.04276 182 132 40 10
887 How can I expect you to be "more hands-on" when you're so shellfish. 1.3297 0.04551 182 136 32 14
888 Pinch me one more time and I’ll have those claws wired shut! 1.3297 0.04276 182 132 40 10
889 It's obvious you didn't catch it from me. 1.3297 0.04346 182 133 38 11
890 I just feel like you’re constantly snapping at me. 1.3297 0.04276 182 132 40 10
891 So, you're transitioning into a crustacean? 1.3297 0.04346 182 133 38 11
892 I get it John, you want to move back to Maine 1.3297 0.04204 182 131 42 9
893 Don’t pretend you’ve never heard it before: You’re a shellfish lover. 1.3297 0.04276 182 132 40 10
894 I keep texting you and texting you. No reply. Don’t tell me you never got them! 1.3297 0.04484 182 135 34 13
895 He has to stop referring to me as his “Maine squeeze”. 1.3297 0.04019 182 131 43 8
896 Your shoplifting days are over. 1.3297 0.04131 182 130 44 8
897 If I ever get another chance, I'm gonna kiss an enchanted frog! 1.3297 0.04204 182 131 42 9
898 I told you my Mom is allergic to shellfish, but you just had to hug her. 1.3297 0.03981 182 128 48 6
899 I don’t care if everyone in your family, genus, AND phylum mates for life; I want a divorce! 1.3297 0.04346 182 133 38 11
900 I said keep your claws off of me. 1.3297 0.04276 182 132 40 10
901 I wanted pizza, but, no, you had to try the new seafood place doing molecular gastronomy. 1.3297 0.04551 182 136 32 14
902 I'm boiling mad! 1.3297 0.04551 182 136 32 14
903 Now I see why you chose a headshot for your Tinder profile 1.3297 0.04484 182 135 34 13
904 You can't just claw your way to the top. 1.3297 0.04204 182 131 42 9
905 ``We should have left as soon as they brought out the bibs and butter sauce.'' 1.3297 0.03943 182 130 45 7
906 I could replace you with a nutcracker. 1.3297 0.04484 182 135 34 13
907 Look on the bright side, at least you can crack walnuts. 1.3297 0.04346 182 133 38 11
908 You are just a shell of the man you used to be. 1.3297 0.04415 182 134 36 12
909 Are you sure you won’t see The Nutcracker with me? 1.3297 0.04415 182 134 36 12
910 We can’t compromise on this, the claws are just as bad as the whole suit. 1.3297 0.04415 182 134 36 12
911 Are you sure the dinner invitation said to just bring yourself and a big pot? 1.3297 0.04617 182 137 30 15
912 Hearing ‘he looks half-mobster and may be a bit selfish’ raised red flags, but I should've paid closer attention. 1.3278 0.04375 180 132 37 11
913 So what, we’ll just never go bowling? 1.3278 0.04445 180 133 35 12
914 You know, what was funny in college is less so now that you're Secretary of Defense. 1.3278 0.04445 180 133 35 12
915 How can you be so shellfish? 1.3278 0.04445 180 133 35 12
916 I can only imagine what Seinfeld would do with this. 1.3278 0.04445 180 133 35 12
917 When your profile said you'd clawed your way up I didn't think you were being so literal. 1.3272 0.04578 162 121 30 11
918 Thats the last time you're going to embarrass me with that 'she's already tried the lobster' joke. 1.3260 0.04354 181 133 37 11
919 Must you insist on salt water at every restaurant? 1.3260 0.04211 181 131 41 9
920 Frankly, I'd prefer you bit your nails. 1.3260 0.04137 181 130 43 8
921 Every time I criticize you, you snap back. 1.3260 0.04211 181 131 41 9
922 Pinch me in public again and I'll boil you. 1.3260 0.04561 181 136 31 14
923 Halloween is not one of the High Holidays, Steve. And shellfish?! 1.3260 0.04493 181 135 33 13
924 I never should have taken off the rubber bands. 1.3260 0.04319 181 135 34 12
925 I know you're self-conscious, but for the last time you do not need a nose job! 1.3260 0.04100 181 132 40 9
926 They warned you the plate was hot. 1.3260 0.04211 181 131 41 9
927 I completely misunderstood the ‘clause’ in the pre-nup.” 1.3260 0.04354 181 133 37 11
928 What I need most is you treat me with a pair of kid gloves. 1.3260 0.04424 181 134 35 12
929 Look - Crocs were ugly but practical. Your invention... not so much. 1.3260 0.04493 181 135 33 13
930 Marry someone with soft hands," Mom said. But,would I listen 1.3260 0.04137 181 130 43 8
931 I thought you were being metaphorical in your dating profile, when you said you clawed your way to the top. 1.3260 0.04137 181 130 43 8
932 You're not touching me without wearing your rubber bands! 1.3260 0.03947 181 130 44 7
933 I like visiting your mom - but your dad's such a crab... 1.3260 0.04493 181 135 33 13
934 I should have left you in the tank 1.3260 0.04424 181 134 35 12
935 You're not getting those things anywhere near my clam! 1.3260 0.04628 181 137 29 15
936 I can't believe you said I trapped you. 1.3260 0.04354 181 133 37 11
937 I GET it! You're from Maine. 1.3260 0.04354 181 133 37 11
938 I say one little thing, and your claws come out! 1.3260 0.04493 181 135 33 13
939 So your third wish was to have giant lobster claws? 1.3260 0.04354 181 133 37 11
940 Couldn't you tell she was just buttering you up? 1.3260 0.04211 181 131 41 9
941 IF we ever try that again, wear your octopus hands! 1.3260 0.04628 181 137 29 15
942 I know they mean a lot to you, I just wish you didn't have to always wear them every time we go out. 1.3260 0.04024 181 131 42 8
943 I know I said I wanted someone of mixed parentage. 1.3260 0.04100 181 132 40 9
944 I should have married Eddie Scissorhands. 1.3260 0.04561 181 136 31 14
945 Don't worry my Dermatologist has seen everything" 1.3260 0.04628 181 137 29 15
946 And after the Hell you gave me for cutting my hair short. 1.3260 0.04283 181 132 39 10
947 Look, they caught you red-handed, so as your counsel I say we accept the plea offer. 1.3260 0.04283 181 132 39 10
948 ‘Good in a pinch’ isn’t good enough. 1.3260 0.04493 181 135 33 13
949 Now both of us are crabby. 1.3260 0.04283 181 132 39 10
950 Don't lie to me. I caught you . . . well, you know. 1.3260 0.04424 181 134 35 12
951 What do you mean, ‘playful pinching’ is in your DNA? 1.3260 0.04137 181 130 43 8
952 Over time her crabbiness really began to grow on him. 1.3260 0.04283 181 132 39 10
953 Really? You didn't think "I have lobster claws for hands" was worth mentioning in your Tinder bio? 1.3260 0.04354 181 133 37 11
954 My ex was hung like a horse. 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
955 Becky's text said "mobster." "Ooh! Exciting!" I thought. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
956 Touch me and you will be baked and stuffed in no time. 1.3258 0.04331 178 130 38 10
957 And don't think I didn't notice you eyeing that woman with the large dorsal fin. 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
958 0h come on now, your name can’t really be Claude. 1.3258 0.04331 178 130 38 10
959 Stop complaining, Harold, they're a valid stipulation of the restraining order. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
960 Caught you red handed! 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
961 You grow a tail and we’re through. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
962 I said get dressed for dinner not dress "as" dinner Harold. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
963 I swear, Ted, I thought you were mature enough to go out without your rubber bands. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
964 Would it kill you to dress up before meeting my parents? 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
965 For the millionth time, you're my Maine man! 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
966 Jazz hands were fine! I should never have said a word. 1.3258 0.04182 178 128 42 8
967 Quit asking me what I'd do in a pinch! 1.3258 0.04105 178 127 44 7
968 One more time,. and it's the rubber bands! 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
969 When I say "Keep your hands off me!" don't ask why. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
970 Your little stunt just got us permanently banned from all Red Lobsters. 1.3258 0.04331 178 130 38 10
971 You could at least try reaching for the bill. 1.3258 0.04144 178 130 39 9
972 You should have known the party required tails. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
973 Now who's being crabby? 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
974 You’re telling me you read ALL the possible side effects before you take your medicine? 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
975 If you don't want to hold my hand, you can just say so. 1.3258 0.04105 178 127 44 7
976 This isn't working. I don't care how much of a "catch" you are! 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
977 I don't care if we get free butter at the bodega, take them off. 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
978 Why didn't you TELL me you had a shellfish allergy? 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
979 Well you told me to wear something snappy... 1.3258 0.04257 178 129 40 9
980 Mother warned me you would never change. 1.3258 0.04257 178 129 40 9
981 I can’t believe you wore shorts to the party! Didn’t you notice everyone staring? 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
982 Admit it, Steve - I caught you redhanded. 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
983 We need to think of something that will make you stand out ... something that can make you seem unique on these college applications 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
984 You didn’t need to snap at my mother. 1.3258 0.04331 178 130 38 10
985 I suppose it’s an improvement, Edward. 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
986 Mrs. Newberg is not amused. 1.3258 0.04182 178 128 42 8
987 I just don't see why your mom had to snap at me like that. 1.3258 0.03825 178 131 39 8
988 Can we walk sideways for once?? 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
989 Most people only have to get their cat declawed. 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
990 I thought you said you got a job AT Red Lobster, not a job AS a red lobster. 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
991 I keep telling you, “Never wash your hands with hot water,” but do you listen? 1.3258 0.04615 178 134 30 14
992 I thought your dating profile said selfish, not shellfish” 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
993 Even if you were hungry, you shouldn’t have told the genie “I want lobster claws!” 1.3257 0.04671 175 132 29 14
994 So this is how you plan to claw your way to the top? 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
995 The last guy I dated was such an octopus. 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
996 If you want me to be responsible for my own orgasms, just say so. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
997 I'm NOT buttering you up! 1.3257 0.04671 175 132 29 14
998 No I'm not being crabby, you're being crabby! 1.3257 0.04809 175 134 25 16
999 I didn't know he was your cousin." 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
1000 We should've never bought the generic fish oil pills. 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
1001 Day one of the worst honeymoon ever. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1002 My profile specified strictly kosher. 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
1003 The claws are bad enough. But those horrid shorts! 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
1004 Wouldn't it be a lot less weird just to wear a "Proud to be a Mainer" T-shirt? 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
1005 You’re quite a catch, but I wonder sometimes whether you’re a keeper. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
1006 Once again, your claws have gotten you into hot water. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1007 Yes, I don't notice your receding hairline as much. 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1008 If you forget your rubber bands again, you're history. 1.3257 0.04741 175 133 27 15
1009 I'm just saying that it would have been nice to mention in your tinder profile 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1010 I just don't understand why you won't wear the tail. 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
1011 Told you your hands needed sunscreen too. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
1012 You did it again Larry, you got crabs and now I have to go get tested. 1.3257 0.04671 175 132 29 14
1013 I don't know what it is, you've just been acting really crabby lately. 1.3257 0.04381 175 131 34 10
1014 Who is she trying to impress with all that butter and lemon? 1.3257 0.04150 175 125 43 7
1015 I warned your sister I shouldn't hold the baby. 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
1016 and you wonder why I'm in a crabby mood?! 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
1017 God, what is up with you damn Kafkas. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1018 I'm sorry - when I said I was excited to meet a lobsterman I was expecting something different. 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
1019 Don’t apologize. You are literally spineless. 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
1020 I, Claudius 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
1021 I wish I"d never taken off your rubber bands. 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1022 Yes, Sebastian, sometimes I do have regrets. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1023 You'll always be a bottom feeder, Frank! 1.3257 0.04150 175 125 43 7
1024 Yes you’re “walking and talking” but the hospital’s 3D printer still has bugs! 1.3257 0.04809 175 134 25 16
1025 And if you try that again you won't like what happens to another body part. 1.3257 0.04741 175 133 27 15
1026 Yes, my issue with your mother IS the cross species divide. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
1027 You can't claw your way out this time. I caught you red handed. 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1028 If they ask how we met, let me do the talking. 1.3257 0.04150 175 125 43 7
1029 You have serious issues with letting things go. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1030 ... and if you touch me again, I'll change another part of your anatomy! 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
1031 I knew Santa Claus, and those are not Santa's claws. 1.3257 0.04305 175 127 39 9
1032 So when you meet my parents, it's fist pumps or hugs only. Are we clear? 1.3257 0.04150 175 125 43 7
1033 I don't know, John. There's something fishy about the whole thing. 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
1034 Just because something is on sale, doesn’t mean you should buy it. 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
1035 Never date a guy named Kafka. 1.3257 0.04528 175 130 33 12
1036 No, muggers won’t be a problem, but if we meet an octopus you’re going to be in trouble. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1037 Nobody cares if you are from Maine. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1038 After Edward Scissorhands you’d think I’d learn. But nooo.... 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1039 Pinch me again and I’ll boil you alive! 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1040 This is not what I meant by "evolving". 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1041 Your dating profile had been appealing when you stated that you weren't a micro-managing, hands-on guy. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1042 I still can't believe you were able to put that shirt on. 1.3257 0.04381 175 128 37 10
1043 My friends warned me that you were shellfish, but I guess I chose not to see it. 1.3257 0.04600 175 131 31 13
1044 I get that it's a medical condition, but I just want to go bowling sometimes! 1.3257 0.04455 175 129 35 11
1045 A dentist! That's what you decided as a profession? 1.3257 0.04671 175 132 29 14
1046 I'm tired of watching you try to claw your way to the top. 1.3257 0.04070 175 129 37 9
1047 You say you it wasn't a pinch. I say it was a pinch. 1.3257 0.04228 175 126 41 8
1048 Really? That’s how you think you can claw your way to the top? 1.3242 0.04263 182 133 39 10
1049 If you weren't such a great back scratcher I would leave you 1.3240 0.04237 179 130 40 9
1050 For God’s sake, Henry, give it a rest. You’re never getting into dental school. 1.3240 0.04311 179 131 38 10
1051 That waitress was really buttering you up! 1.3240 0.04524 179 134 32 13
1052 Couldn't you have just settled for the Maine t-shirt instead? 1.3240 0.04311 179 131 38 10
1053 I'll just *bet* that slut Suzanne "loves claw meat"! 1.3240 0.04383 179 132 36 11
1054 I've gotta be honest, when the app asked if I was open to dating half-animals, I was at least expecting a centaur or a satyr. 1.3239 0.04360 176 129 37 10
1055 Yes, I did say 'claws for concern.' 1.3239 0.04433 176 130 35 11
1056 At least Edward Scissorhands could cut hair well. 1.3239 0.04433 176 130 35 11
1057 Well, I thought it wouldn't kill you to at least try to pick up the check. 1.3239 0.04130 176 126 43 7
1058 Sure, but when's the last time you actually crushed a mollusk? 1.3239 0.04433 176 130 35 11
1059 It is NOT "just like The Little Mermaid." 1.3239 0.04285 176 128 39 9
1060 Don’t touch me! 1.3239 0.04360 176 129 37 10
1061 ... and every time you made that annoying clacking sound with your fingers, the Rosenthals just looked at each other. 1.3239 0.04506 176 131 33 12
1062 The last guy I dated was a total octopus. Now this! 1.3239 0.04578 176 132 31 13
1063 At this point in our relationship I don’t care how stupid you look. You just better pay very close attention when you get into that voting booth and don’t click “Trump” by mistake. 1.3239 0.04506 176 131 33 12
1064 I applaud your support for sustainable lobster fishing, but couldn't you have just worn the t-shirt? 1.3239 0.04360 176 129 37 10
1065 You can't claw your way out of this one, Jeffery 1.3239 0.04506 176 131 33 12
1066 I can't believe you're wearing jorts. 1.3239 0.04433 176 130 35 11
1067 Foreplay is out of the question 1.3239 0.04208 176 127 41 8
1068 Please tell me this is the last of your elaborate ploys to avoid helping around the house! 1.3239 0.04130 176 126 43 7
1069 Easy for you to say, "get a grip." 1.3239 0.04208 176 127 41 8
1070 It’s always two steps sideways and one step back in this relationship. 1.3239 0.04208 176 127 41 8
1071 What happened to your rubber bands THIS time? 1.3239 0.04648 176 133 29 14
1072 My profile says that I like hot tubs, butter, and Maine vacations, and you swiped right? 1.3239 0.04433 176 130 35 11
1073 Oh sure, it's fun for you, but just stay away from my nipples. 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
1074 I thought you were getting a tattoo! 1.3220 0.04694 177 135 27 15
1075 But nooooo, you just had to eat that GMO crab meat! 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
1076 I warned you the #Me Too movement has methods of revenge. 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
1077 It’s a good thing you’re not the President. 1.3218 0.04752 174 133 26 15
1078 Why do you always have to call attention to yourself when we go out? I told you that wearing shorts in October would make you too conspicuous. 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
1079 Look who's calling who crabby! 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
1080 The claws I can live with, but the butter and garlic cologne is a dealbreaker! 1.3218 0.04682 174 132 28 14
1081 Seriously, you need me to spell it out? 1.3218 0.04075 174 124 44 6
1082 Take off the gloves, Bob. Why can't you just say 'I'm allergic to shellfish,' like everyone else does?! 1.3218 0.04538 174 130 32 12
1083 It’s inappropriate for Yom Kippur. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
1084 Stop cracking your knuckles. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
1085 I thought he said, "Do you agree to the clause?" 1.3218 0.04389 174 128 36 10
1086 Damn it Winston... Get this through your thick head. I ‘m the one who takes off my bra from now on, and that’s final. 1.3218 0.04538 174 130 32 12
1087 Fine, if butter makes you nervous, don't eat it. But don't expect me to give it up. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
1088 I know you don't like to wear them, but would it kill you to remember your rubber bands the next time you meet one of my friends? 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
1089 It offered us three wishes, and you still threw it in the pot! 1.3218 0.04389 174 128 36 10
1090 I'm sorry. It's just that when you told me about your mutant super power, I kind of pictured you as Wolverine. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
1091 I sense a trap. 1.3218 0.04389 174 128 36 10
1092 Louis, I was so embarrassed when everyone was staring at us. I told you not to wear shorts to dinner! 1.3218 0.04389 174 128 36 10
1093 Seafood allergy! Who knew? 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
1094 This was not what I was expecting from your dating profile comment ‘native of Maine’. 1.3218 0.04610 174 131 30 13
1095 Well, I guess it's better than you having crabs. 1.3216 0.04440 171 126 35 10
1096 I told you to stop being so crabby! 1.3216 0.04362 171 125 37 9
1097 I told you to use sunscreen. 1.3216 0.04362 171 125 37 9
1098 I thought you'd be happy that I finally came out of the clawsit. 1.3216 0.04667 171 129 29 13
1099 You DON’T ask for a piece of tail! 1.3216 0.03948 171 125 39 7
1100 $300 for the biggest lobster they had just so you could wear the claws? Really? 1.3198 0.04341 172 126 37 9
1101 We're not buying the hot tub. 1.3198 0.04643 172 130 29 13
1102 I know you are angry at the rabbi but don't you think you are taking this a bit too far? 1.3198 0.04099 172 123 43 6
1103 You're not touching me with those things tonight. 1.3198 0.04569 172 129 31 12
1104 So the old ‘can’t get to my wallet’ bit strikes again. 1.3198 0.04261 172 125 39 8
1105 I just wanted to look different. Everyone has a beard these days. 1.3198 0.04418 172 127 35 10
1106 Hard to believe I thought you were quite a catch all those years ago. 1.3198 0.04569 172 129 31 12
1107 I dunno. Scissorhands at least would have been useful! 1.3198 0.04261 172 125 39 8
1108 You know what they say about big hands. 1.3198 0.04261 172 125 39 8
1109 I’m just going to pop in and grab a couple of pounds of butter for after the surgery. 1.3198 0.04341 172 126 37 9
1110 It's not you, I just don't like back rubs. 1.3198 0.04341 172 126 37 9
1111 I can't believe you think I am crabby. 1.3198 0.04494 172 128 33 11
1112 OK it was funny the first time you pinched me. 1.3198 0.04494 172 128 33 11
1113 No, I'm not really into holding hands and long walks on the beach. 1.3198 0.04341 172 126 37 9
1114 No, you said, "Look at these huge claws, that means something else must be pretty big." 1.3198 0.04341 172 126 37 9
1115 Brad, when the Devil says "sign here" you ALWAYS look for the hidden claws! 1.3198 0.04494 172 128 33 11
1116 I'm tired of hearing your shelfish excuses. 1.3198 0.04418 172 127 35 10
1117 Just keep your red hot mitts off me. 1.3198 0.04261 172 125 39 8
1118 Why would you think you got the crabs from ME? 1.3198 0.04494 172 128 33 11
1119 On the app, you didn’t say you were from Maine. 1.3198 0.04261 172 125 39 8
1120 First Edward Scissorhands, now you. I really need to change my Match profile. 1.3179 0.04547 173 130 31 12
1121 Just tell me that you did NOT pinch that woman on the butt. 1.3179 0.04241 173 126 39 8
1122 What? Do you think I should have gone with the tail instead? 1.3179 0.04241 173 126 39 8
1123 Now that we've broken up you will have to get someone else to tie your shoes for you. 1.3179 0.04079 173 124 43 6
1124 I didn’t expect this when you started clawing your way to the top. 1.3179 0.04620 173 131 29 13
1125 When you bragged about 'clawing your way to the top', this is not what I had in mind. 1.3179 0.04472 173 129 33 11
1126 This is the last time I help you look. If you can't hold on to your phone, then don't use it. 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
1127 I will not go anywhere with you until you get rubber bands for those claws. 1.3176 0.04123 170 122 42 6
1128 Well Edward Sissorhands got a big role. 1.3176 0.04369 170 125 36 9
1129 I said, ‘Eat too much lobster, you’ll turn into a lobster.’ But did you listen to me? No... 1.3176 0.04369 170 125 36 9
1130 Bill, I know it's high fashion in Maine, but you are in New York 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
1131 And I guess you’ll want to replace our wedding ring with a rubber band? 1.3161 0.04597 174 132 29 13
1132 You knew the genie only gave you one goddamn wish! 1.3158 0.04426 171 127 34 10
1133 If this doesn't stop your nasty habit nothing will. 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
1134 No - my nipples still hurt from last night. 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
1135 I’d invite you back to my place but I’m not sure what we’d do. 1.3158 0.04426 171 127 34 10
1136 I can’t believe you wore shorts to brunch with my Mom. And you could have at least TRIED to pick up the check. 1.3158 0.04268 171 125 38 8
1137 No Mark, I said he was Croatian. 1.3158 0.04186 171 124 40 7
1138 Not everything is about your hands, you know. 1.3158 0.04348 171 126 36 9
1139 For once, I would have preferred being pawed. 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
1140 Just how do you expect me not to mention them 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
1141 And you call me shellfish? 1.3155 0.04479 168 125 33 10
1142 Will you take those fucking things off? 1.3155 0.04317 168 123 37 8
1143 Except for some side effects, dear, I really like your new hand lotion. 1.3155 0.04712 168 128 27 13
1144 Couldn't you have asked for a doggy bag? 1.3155 0.04479 168 125 33 10
1145 I'm Kosher. 1.3152 0.04694 165 125 28 12
1146 You have a hard time letting go. 1.3152 0.04282 165 120 38 7
1147 I prefer the right to bear arms. 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
1148 What do you mean I'm the crabby one? 1.3152 0.04282 165 120 38 7
1149 Keep your hands to yourself! 1.3152 0.04195 165 119 40 6
1150 And you can forget about 2nd Base. 1.3152 0.04015 165 117 44 4
1151 You're being so shellfish! 1.3152 0.04367 165 121 36 8
1152 I knew you were from New England. 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
1153 Who’s a good catch now? 1.3152 0.04015 165 117 44 4
1154 I just wish you'd stop snapping at me. 1.3152 0.04451 165 122 34 9
1155 You ruined all the romance of the couples bath with your shrieking. 1.3152 0.04451 165 122 34 9
1156 I know you are proud of being from Maine, George, but this is going a bit too far! 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
1157 Well, good luck regenerating this relationship. 1.3152 0.04106 165 118 42 5
1158 I told you to wear pants. 1.3152 0.04409 165 124 31 10
1159 Well, I warned you not to try them on! 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
1160 Yes, this is going to affect your piano playing! 1.3152 0.04367 165 121 36 8
1161 That’s it, I’m gonna start keeping kosher. 1.3152 0.04848 165 127 24 14
1162 I said we’re through. Can’t you grasp anything? 1.3152 0.04195 165 119 40 6
1163 Why is that so hard to grasp? 1.3152 0.04694 165 125 28 12
1164 Yeah, yeah, you should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas. 1.3145 0.04733 159 120 28 11
1165 You didn't need to snap at me.. 1.3145 0.04733 159 120 28 11
1166 I told you, it was a one night swim. 1.3145 0.04733 159 120 28 11
1167 My mother warned me about someone so shellfish. 1.3133 0.04428 166 123 34 9
1168 On Nantucket, you were marginally acceptable. Fifth Avenue . . . not so much. 1.3129 0.04130 163 117 41 5
1169 I appreciate your coming out of your shell a bit, but I still want to know who helped type your dating profile. 1.3129 0.04221 163 118 39 6
1170 Well, I guess we're not going to be eating Chinese... 1.3129 0.04482 163 121 33 9
1171 And what's your first name, Mr, Newburg? 1.3129 0.04648 163 123 29 11
1172 I hate it when you don’t wear socks. 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
1173 Can't believe I caught you red-handed pinching that woman's bottom! 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1174 You don't have to be so snippy about it. 1.3106 0.04513 161 120 32 9
1175 It wasn't funny what you did with that gentleman's bib. 1.3106 0.04338 161 118 36 7
1176 I liked it better when you were all lobster. 1.3106 0.04682 161 122 28 11
1177 This is a deal breaker...I told you I was Kosher. 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1178 Do you always have to be so shellfish? 1.3106 0.05003 161 126 20 15
1179 I told you we shouldn't buy a home next to that nuclear reactor! 1.3106 0.04338 161 118 36 7
1180 On Match you said you were Jewish! 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1181 I'm simply not going to let you claw your way back into my life! 1.3106 0.04426 161 119 34 8
1182 You just had to shake my fathers hand, didn’t you?! 1.3106 0.04513 161 120 32 9
1183 I do not want to hear "I can't get at my wallet." 1.3106 0.04513 161 120 32 9
1184 You assured me you’d be done moulting before Dr. Earles party tomorrow 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1185 I'm just saying ...foreplay just isn’t the same anymore 1.3106 0.04845 161 124 24 13
1186 If you had asked I would have told you to stick with the man bun. 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1187 Well, congratulations, genius scientist, but until you find an antidote the engagement is over. 1.3106 0.04426 161 119 34 8
1188 Why didn't you just take the bib? 1.3106 0.04513 161 120 32 9
1189 I mean...you should have, at least, mentioned it in your profile. 1.3106 0.04155 161 116 40 5
1190 This isn't working Larry. I'm going back to ham-fisted Hank. 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1191 I stated clearly in my profile that I was allergic to shellfish. 1.3106 0.04598 161 121 30 10
1192 I'm sorry, but I just don't like beards. 1.3106 0.04338 161 118 36 7
1193 I'm through! You'll have to find someone else to deal with your zipper. 1.3106 0.04426 161 119 34 8
1194 Meet my parents? Totally not kosher. 1.3106 0.04338 161 118 36 7
1195 I'm sick and tired of being snapped at. 1.3106 0.04338 161 118 36 7
1196 Well, maybe you should mention your shellfish allergy on your profile page! 1.3106 0.04247 161 117 38 6
1197 Pull something like that again, and we’re going to find out if they grow back. 1.3106 0.04513 161 120 32 9
1198 To you it’s a statement on the Kafkaesque nature of the human condition. To me you’re a jackass. 1.3101 0.04390 158 116 35 7
1199 I just assumed if you could swipe right your hands would be normal. 1.3101 0.04481 158 117 33 8
1200 Well, you didn't get it from me. I'm Jewish! 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
1201 Yeah, sure. As if everyone didn’t see you pinch her ass. 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
1202 You know what they say about a man with big hands! 1.3101 0.04657 158 119 29 10
1203 And you accuse ME of being crabby! 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
1204 I didn't KNOW they had hot tub...but you didn't have to snap at them like that! 1.3101 0.04481 158 117 33 8
1205 I didn't know that you were THAT allergic to Seafood! 1.3101 0.04390 158 116 35 7
1206 Honey!, You are not the only one feeling crabby today! 1.3101 0.04657 158 119 29 10
1207 I promised to love you in sickness and in health. I don't recall anything about lobster hands. 1.3101 0.04006 158 112 43 3
1208 One more word about my mother and the elastic bands go back on! 1.3101 0.04657 158 119 29 10
1209 Why can’t I meet a normal man with “We’re #1” foam hands? 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
1210 I'm beginning to think this seafood diet of yours isn't such a good idea. 1.3101 0.04297 158 115 37 6
1211 don't snap at me! 1.3101 0.04481 158 117 33 8
1212 Consider the lobster?! How come it’s never consider the woman who has to hold hands with the lobster? 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
1213 Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. 1.3101 0.04657 158 119 29 10
1214 If you do that again I'll make you wear the rubber bands. 1.3101 0.04202 158 114 39 5
1215 What I don't understand is wearing a long-sleeve shirt with shorts. 1.3101 0.04743 158 120 27 11
1216 You're particularly crabby this evening. 1.3101 0.04297 158 115 37 6
1217 Just remember to start with the fork on the outside first, and no one will notice. 1.3101 0.04570 158 118 31 9
1218 It's not like we mentioned her crows' feet. 1.3101 0.04827 158 121 25 12
1219 No, I’m not holding hands until you boil those things! 1.3087 0.04939 149 114 24 11
1220 Do you have a dime for the parking meter? 1.3086 0.04225 162 118 38 6
1221 You should have mentioned it in you online profile. 1.3086 0.04489 162 121 32 9
1222 Serves you right. You could have wished for anything. But no, you had to wish for a stronger grip! 1.3086 0.04489 162 121 32 9
1223 For the last time, I am not going to let you claw your way back into this family 1.3086 0.04315 162 119 36 7
1224 When your profile said you were crabby, I thought you meant more crabby 'brusque' then crabby bisque. 1.3086 0.04489 162 121 32 9
1225 Jon, Professor Xavier is going to know those aren't real 1.3086 0.04489 162 121 32 9
1226 Oh of course, I'M the shellfish one. 1.3086 0.04403 162 120 34 8
1227 Say what you want Rick, it’s obvious you’ve reached your boiling point. 1.3086 0.04040 162 116 42 4
1228 Charles, either you wear the rubber bands or our relationship is over. 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1229 Would it have killed you to wear rubber bands before meeting my parents. 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1230 Don't try to deny that you pinched my sister - I caught you red-handed! 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1231 I told you sooner or later you'd be caught redhanded, but this is ridiculous. 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1232 Don't even try to butter me up. 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1233 I told them I wanted to meet someone who wasn’t completely selfish, not shellfish! 1.3082 0.04632 159 120 29 10
1234 So what's your super power? 1.3082 0.04274 159 116 37 6
1235 Maine lobsterman. Well, La Di Da! 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1236 The lobster claws are fine, but I truly hate your beard. 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1237 No! You cannot hold my hand. 1.3082 0.04180 159 115 39 5
1238 I want to fit in too, but why not adopt a Boston accent instead? 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1239 Hear me out . . . They say Lobsters mate for life! 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1240 We met on J-date, of course I thought you were kosher! 1.3082 0.04801 159 122 25 12
1241 I know your stance on rubber bands. You still have to wear a wedding band. 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
1242 Because of what happened last time I held your hand! 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1243 You are just so shellfish 1.3082 0.04321 159 119 32 8
1244 This isn’t what I meant when I said I wanted you to change. 1.3082 0.04274 159 116 37 6
1245 There was no need to snap at me like that... 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1246 I expect you to keep your claws to yourself. 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1247 When you said you were caught 'red-handed', I thought you were just using colorful language. 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1248 I told you not to go to Chernobyl. 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1249 Be careful. I am boiling mad. 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
1250 Seriously? Shorts in October! 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1251 I knew I shouldn't have let you meet my sisters without wearing your rubber bands. 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1252 You couldn’t get a doggie bag like everyone else? 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1253 Just get a grip! 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1254 Just once I'd like to go out to dinner with friends without your mentioning that they're blue before boiling. 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1255 And why should I let you scuttle back to me this time? 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1256 Really? You had one wish and you went with lobster claws? 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1257 When you said you felt like lobster claws, I thought you wanted to go out for seafood. 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1258 You knew the costume party was hosted by a vegan. 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1259 ...and please stop reminding me that I knew what you were when I married you. 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1260 Stop trying to claw back into my good graces. 1.3082 0.04545 159 119 31 9
1261 You’re still more of a man than my last boyfriend. 1.3082 0.04457 159 118 33 8
1262 No, it's not your flaws that I find irritating. 1.3082 0.04274 159 116 37 6
1263 I have told you a million times. Do not snap at me in public. 1.3082 0.04367 159 117 35 7
1264 Really, then why did she have marks all over her? 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
1265 Let’s just say balloon animals are not your forte. 1.3082 0.04084 159 114 41 4
1266 Oh, NOW you develop a butter allergy. 1.3077 0.04325 156 114 36 6
1267 I just can't believe how shellfish you are. 1.3067 0.04550 163 123 30 10
1268 No offense Charley, but I prefer the tail over the claw. 1.3062 0.04607 160 121 29 10
1269 No, it’s the clause you added to the prenup I’m really upset about. 1.3062 0.04521 160 120 31 9
1270 You won't even commit to a simple rubber band. 1.3057 0.03904 157 116 36 5
1271 You’re no catch, Robert. 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1272 Next time you even think of wearing jean shorts I'm putting the rubber bands back on. 1.3057 0.04922 157 122 22 13
1273 You were expecting Oysters Rockefeller? 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1274 You can’t use that as an excuse for everything Andrew. 1.3057 0.04488 157 117 32 8
1275 I think it IS an affectation. 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1276 You're right-- it does help to remember that it's not your first fashion faux pas. 1.3057 0.04578 157 118 30 9
1277 Holding hands shouldn't be this painful. 1.3057 0.04488 157 117 32 8
1278 I specifically mentioned in my dating profile that I'm Jewish. 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1279 We all get it, Larry, you're a VIP Rouge member at Red Lobster. 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1280 You'll wear them until you promise to keep your hands off the hot intern at work! 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1281 All those fish in the sea, and I had to catch a lobster... 1.3057 0.04578 157 118 30 9
1282 I can’t believe you talked me into taking you to my manicurist.” 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1283 The doctor says l have crabs. 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1284 ...and furthermore, I’m allergic to shell fish. 1.3057 0.04753 157 120 26 11
1285 I don't care how ridiculous you look going to a business meeting like this - I'm NOT going to change your pants for you! 1.3057 0.04206 157 114 38 5
1286 At least you stopped scratching yourself. 1.3057 0.04578 157 118 30 9
1287 How could you have known that the drug trials would have resulted in adding color to the New Yorker cartoon at great expense?! 1.3057 0.04578 157 118 30 9
1288 Sometimes a bib is just a bib. 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1289 You could have mentioned this in your dating profile 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1290 I'd be more excited if you had a tail. 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1291 One wish, Zoltar says. So what does my husband, super genius lobster lover wish for?” 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1292 They're nice people, and you can't expect everyone to know the difference between a crab and a lobster claw. 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
1293 Well, you most certainly did not get them from me! 1.3057 0.04396 157 116 34 7
1294 I really don't like when you refer to me as 'The ol' rubber band' 1.3057 0.04838 157 121 24 12
1295 Oh sure, you think you’ve grown a pair, but you’re spineless –just an exoskeleton of your former self! 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
1296 You woke up a little crabby today. 1.3052 0.04402 154 116 30 8
1297 It's not cold enough for mittens, you're making us look weird. 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
1298 At least you lost the tail. 1.3052 0.04255 154 112 37 5
1299 You have a way of always leading me into a trap. 1.3052 0.04450 154 114 33 7
1300 Red Lobster doesn't and will never need a mascot, Bill. Quit trying. 1.3038 0.04279 158 116 36 6
1301 Why yes, I did date Edward Scissorhands. Why do you ask? 1.3032 0.04425 155 115 33 7
1302 When we got married I didn't read that lobster clause carefully enough. 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
1303 I warned you time and time again, she really is a witch and she’s ultra sensitive about the way her hands look, but would you listen... 1.3032 0.04789 155 119 25 11
1304 If you say you got caught red-handed one more time I will scream. 1.3032 0.04425 155 115 33 7
1305 Yes, I understand, they're your favorite mittens. 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1306 Remind me to boil some water when we get home. 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1307 I told you I keep Kosher when we met, 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1308 You can just be so shellfish sometimes, Frank.. 1.3032 0.04789 155 119 25 11
1309 When my doubles partner called you the "lob-ster", I thought she was commending your backcourt return. 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
1310 When you said you’d claw your way to the top, I thought it was metaphorical! 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
1311 mobster you said? 1.3032 0.04425 155 115 33 7
1312 I’m really not interested in your ancestry, but I wouldn’t mind a look at your DNA 1.3032 0.04701 155 118 27 10
1313 'Bastard! You'd do anything to avoid a wedding ring!' 1.3032 0.04132 155 112 39 4
1314 Honestly, I don’t understand your silly refusal to join us in Sally and Mike’s backyard hot tub. 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1315 This is why our sex life is dying, Gerald. 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
1316 And all this time I thought you were a Gemini! 1.3032 0.04701 155 118 27 10
1317 For dinner, I wanted lobster for dinner. 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1318 I just don’t know why you can’t just keep your claws to yourself. 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
1319 You are always side-stepping my questions, Gary. 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1320 "Let me guess: Edward Scissorhands incognito?" 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1321 It's only just that I think the shorts are inappropriate. 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1322 Is this your way of saying you won’t hold hands with me in public? 1.3032 0.04132 155 112 39 4
1323 Not what I had in mind for a lobster dinner. 1.3032 0.04232 155 113 37 5
1324 I know you’re really good on the inside. 1.3032 0.04029 155 111 41 3
1325 I don’t care what your therapist says, this isn’t healthy. 1.3032 0.04132 155 112 39 4
1326 They do not help you pick up things better. 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1327 I'll do the melted butter, but I am not wearing that little bib. 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1328 Next time you see my parents just don’t shake their hands. 1.3032 0.04789 155 119 25 11
1329 I’ve had bad manicures too. Quit complaining! 1.3032 0.04701 155 118 27 10
1330 Okay, but this is the last time I help you go to the bathroom. 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1331 Deal with it. You're not in Maine anymore. 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1332 I told you not to put your hands in the lobster tank 1.3032 0.04425 155 115 33 7
1333 Just because they add a little color to our lives doesn't mean I have to like them! 1.3032 0.04232 155 113 37 5
1334 Will you stop ending everything you say with '...in a pinch.' 1.3032 0.04029 155 111 41 3
1335 Okay I get it... No need to snap at me! 1.3032 0.04519 155 116 31 8
1336 Good luck trying to claw your way out of this one. 1.3032 0.04425 155 115 33 7
1337 Rule #1: When I say 'hands off', I mean it! 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1338 This is what I get for moving to Maine. 1.3032 0.04611 155 117 29 9
1339 No, I haven’t told my parents about you yet, and it has nothing to do with you not being Jewish. 1.3032 0.04132 155 112 39 4
1340 Didn't you learn anything from Jeff Goldblum?!? 1.3013 0.04209 156 114 37 5
1341 You could be a billionaire right now, but NO! You had to ask for a claw. Then, you wished for a "monster hog," knowing that genies are very literal-minded. Still, I could forgive all that — but how did you, with one wish left, ask for a SECOND CLAW!? 1.3013 0.04585 156 118 29 9
1342 I don't know what that couples counselor was talking about, YOU'RE the crabby one in this relationship-- you get it from your mother's side. 1.3013 0.04585 156 118 29 9
1343 Just keep your hands to yourself! 1.3013 0.04494 156 117 31 8
1344 You could have at least tried to fit in. 1.3013 0.04494 156 117 31 7
1345 You've been kind of a crab lately... 1.3013 0.04209 156 114 37 5
1346 The bib wasn’t enough, was it? Ya haaad to haaave the lil’ lobstah claws. 1.3013 0.04401 156 116 33 7
1347 Please stop snapping at me, you're not the only one who can be crabby." 1.3013 0.04354 156 118 30 8
1348 I can't believe that you wore shorts to dinner. You couldn't dress up a little to meet my parents??!?! 1.3013 0.04306 156 115 35 6
1349 No, I don't hold hands on a blind date. 1.3013 0.04209 156 114 37 5
1350 My lawyer said to pull up the prenuptual claws 1.3013 0.04306 156 115 35 6
1351 John, you must give up this idea of becoming a pianist. 1.3013 0.04494 156 117 31 8
1352 Would you mind not cracking your hands? 1.3007 0.04358 153 113 34 6
1353 I don't understand- you said you liked lobster claws... 1.3007 0.04645 153 116 28 9
1354 I admit I didn't think about the impact on our sex life. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1355 Just because you have them doesn't mean you have to keep using them that way. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1356 Better this than your right to bear arms. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1357 There must be another way to get to the top. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1358 It's my fault. When you said you were into "roll playing," I had something else in mind. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1359 That is the LAST time I take you to look at waterbeds. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1360 I hate it when you snap at me! 1.3007 0.04258 153 112 36 5
1361 When you said you had crabs I thought you were kidding. 1.3007 0.04258 153 112 36 5
1362 I'm tired of being the turf to your surf. 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1363 I hope you saved the receipt... 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1364 Everyone is staring at your jean shorts. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
1365 I think you should keep your claws to yourself. 1.3007 0.04598 153 118 25 10
1366 You could have just said that you don't want to wear your wedding ring. 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1367 Why did you have to snap at me in public? 1.3007 0.04358 153 113 34 6
1368 Another successful dinner with the in-claws... 1.3007 0.03944 153 119 26 8
1369 I can’t believe you’re wearing jorts on Date Night. 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1370 I just dont understand your fear of jacuzzis. 1.3007 0.04645 153 116 28 9
1371 I wish I’d married a Taurus. 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1372 This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted to go out for lobster. 1.3007 0.04358 153 113 34 6
1373 It always boils down to 'I feel trapped' with you 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1374 Sometimes you're such a crab! 1.3007 0.04358 153 113 34 6
1375 I said keep your filthy claws off of me 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
1376 Please tell me this is just until Halloween. 1.3007 0.04258 153 112 36 5
1377 Did you have to wear shorts? 1.3000 0.04512 150 112 31 7
1378 You pick up stuff. It's not a super power. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1379 Exactly how long will this crustacean phase last? 1.3000 0.04309 150 110 35 5
1380 Your handshake was fine, but it would it have killed you to shave? 1.3000 0.04309 150 110 35 5
1381 Mother was right. You are cray cray, Bruce. 1.3000 0.05246 150 120 15 15
1382 . . . it's just that I never would have guessed you were Jewish. Nothing to get steamed about. 1.3000 0.04893 150 116 23 11
1383 Why do you have to get so crabby when we go visit my mother? 1.3000 0.04412 150 111 33 6
1384 My mother always said you were not the catch I claimed you were. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1385 And would you stop singing "Sandy Claws is coming to town"? 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1386 You are, hands down, the most insensitive lover ever. 1.3000 0.04893 150 116 23 11
1387 This is the last time I go out with a pescatarian 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1388 No, I didn't take you literally when you said you'll claw your way to the top. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1389 This is never going to work. I'm a Sagittarius who likes change, and I think we both know what you are. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1390 I smell a trap. 1.3000 0.04412 150 111 33 6
1391 Freakin' surrealists! Can't you just PAINT lobsters - do you have to paint AS a lobster! 1.3000 0.05072 150 118 19 13
1392 I told you to get the whole costume. Now they'll all know we're lobsters. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1393 Okay, I'll show you where the nail salon is, but I'm not going in with you! 1.3000 0.04512 150 112 31 7
1394 You're in really hot water after this. 1.3000 0.04204 150 109 37 4
1395 Let's get our Halloween costumes straight. You're the vegan-animal-rights-environmentalist. And I'm the bitch. 1.3000 0.04412 150 111 33 6
1396 It was a simple request. Leave the rubber bands on at the hot air balloon show. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1397 When my parents are visiting, please don’t scuttle. 1.3000 0.04800 150 115 25 10
1398 I don't care what you think, "Lobsessive" Compulsive Disorder isn't a real thing. 1.3000 0.04412 150 111 33 6
1399 Seriously, Frank. You know I hate it when you grow a beard! 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1400 You've been so shellfish lately, Tom. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1401 Don’t bother lying. When you left tonight you were tailed. 1.3000 0.04800 150 115 25 10
1402 Doesn't matter what the powers are, "lobsterman" is an occupation, not a superhero. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1403 I know, I know. It's the only contraception Planned Parenthood offers. 1.3000 0.04412 150 111 33 6
1404 Well, maybe I'm feeling a little trapped, too... 1.3000 0.04512 150 112 31 7
1405 Larry couldn't understand Olivia's clawstrophobia. 1.3000 0.04800 150 115 25 10
1406 And to think that I gave up Edward Scissorhands for you! 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1407 As I just said, everything was wonderful except the foreplay 1.3000 0.04893 150 116 23 11
1408 You” and your “Save the lobsters” Campaign !!! 1.3000 0.04204 150 109 37 4
1409 And if all the other hipsters jumped off the roof, would you do that too? 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1410 You knew it was a witch's restaurant before you ordered the lobster claws. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1411 The next time we go to a "meet and greet" I'm putting the rubber bands back on. 1.3000 0.04800 150 115 25 10
1412 Whoever said ‘love conquers all’ was a fool. 1.3000 0.04893 150 116 23 11
1413 How many times do I have to tell you? I prefer the tail. 1.3000 0.04893 150 116 23 11
1414 You're not the only one who feels trapped in this relationship. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
1415 I'm a crab? You're a crab! 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1416 If I hear you talking about clawing your way to the top, one more time, I'm going to scream. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1417 You'll regret it if they're serving finger food. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1418 I guess I'll pass on the lobster roll. 1.3000 0.03813 150 108 40 2
1419 No Ethan, you're a shellfish jerk. 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
1420 You have absolutely no grasp on reality. 1.2994 0.04283 157 116 35 6
1421 How can we maintain a healthy relationship when you are always so shellfish? 1.2987 0.04431 154 115 32 7
1422 Why do people keep calling me Mrs. Claus? 1.2987 0.04710 154 118 26 10
1423 If you have to use the restroom, you're on your own! 1.2987 0.04526 154 116 30 8
1424 Do you really think role playing will reignite our sex life? 1.2987 0.04619 154 117 28 9
1425 No Steve! That, I don't mind. It's the garlic butter! 1.2987 0.04710 154 118 26 10
1426 There’s always an excuse to not hold hands 1.2987 0.04030 154 111 40 3
1427 I wish you had transplanted another part of your anatomy. 1.2987 0.04431 154 115 32 7
1428 You could've at least tried the bisque. 1.2987 0.04334 154 114 34 6
1429 Enough with the "oh snap!" 1.2986 0.04631 144 108 29 7
1430 I told you to wear your long pants 1.2986 0.04836 144 110 25 9
1431 I told you, don’t snap at me! 1.2986 0.04735 144 109 27 8
1432 I said Prenuptial "clause"! 1.2986 0.04631 144 108 29 7
1433 Beware. I'm boiling mad! 1.2986 0.04935 144 111 23 10
1434 I'm translobster. 1.2986 0.05033 144 112 21 11
1435 This is FAR worse than when you fell in love with 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' and wore that stupid fedora for three months. 1.2980 0.04584 151 114 29 8
1436 You just had to say "Let's get tanked!" 1.2980 0.04437 151 115 28 8
1437 Your solidarity with the ocean population goes too far. 1.2980 0.04387 151 112 33 6
1438 Mary Jane’s boyfriend Peter got bit by a radioactive spider does all kinds of cool stuff. And all you can say is that you’re tasty with butter?! 1.2980 0.04285 151 111 35 5
1439 ...and, my parents likely won’t believe you’re Jewish. 1.2980 0.04584 151 114 29 8
1440 Okay! I promise to never again tell you to 'Get a grip!' 1.2980 0.04387 151 112 33 6
1441 I don't mean to be critical, but you need a shave, a new wardrobe, a haircut, and hand moisturizer. 1.2973 0.04337 148 109 34 5
1442 Yes, I’m angry right now, but you are constantly crabby!! 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1443 You couldn't just buy a corvette like all the other men going through a mid-life crisis... 1.2973 0.04594 148 114 25 9
1444 I am very sorry I cannot see you again, I have a shellfish Allergy. 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1445 ...and I suppose those are the Thermidore shorts that came with them? 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
1446 Why do you always have to be such a crab about everything? 1.2973 0.04284 148 111 31 6
1447 Would have it been so terrible to ask for a doggie bag?? 1.2973 0.04337 148 109 34 5
1448 Why does it always have to be a seafood restaurant? 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1449 I’m the one who should feel trapped. 1.2973 0.04442 148 110 32 6
1450 Stop whining about it, your brother got the tail! 1.2973 0.04442 148 110 32 6
1451 You promised to have that taken care of after we got married. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1452 At least you don't walk sideways. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1453 Nope, the other two wishes are mine. 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
1454 Sorry, Brad, but I don't think those will really help you claw your way to the top. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1455 Honestly, I've always preferred the tails. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1456 No, David...I don't think shorts were too casual. 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1457 You could have mentioned those in your Tinder profile. 1.2973 0.04442 148 110 32 6
1458 Oh sure, but you were fine with Johnny Depp and the scissorhands thing. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1459 And it so happens that your name is Claude 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1460 I thought you said you were mainstream. Not Maine stream! 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1461 You just HAD to snap at that wizard, didn't you. 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
1462 Did you really call me "crabby"? 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
1463 Don't you get snappy with me 1.2973 0.04337 148 109 34 5
1464 You really should have put this in your Tinder bio. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1465 Now look who's in a crabby mood. 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1466 Must you jump in the tank with them every single time we're out for dinner? 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1467 The woman on the boat thought you were quite the catch. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1468 You know you were flirting. I caught you red-handed. 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1469 I assumed you meant transgender, not trans-species. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1470 Why are you being such a crab? 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1471 Crustacean Liberation Front, my ass. That's the last time I'm going grocery shopping with you. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1472 Sometimes you’re just so shellfish. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1473 If I have to be The Turf again this year you are in hot water. 1.2973 0.04932 148 115 22 11
1474 Damn.hurry back to the ocean. You're already transforming. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1475 It's not "float like a butterfly, pinch like a bee" 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
1476 I suppose you want me to come and go talking of Michelangelo. 1.2973 0.03770 148 114 28 6
1477 It's not you, I just don't like holding hands. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1478 It amuses me that your mother thought that I would be trying to get my claws into you." 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1479 I still don't understand your emails. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1480 Why can't you claw your way to the top the same way everyone else does? 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1481 Well someone's a bit crabby today. 1.2973 0.04442 148 110 32 6
1482 I didn’t say you were grouchy, I said you were crabby 1.2973 0.05024 148 116 20 12
1483 Touch me again and you sleep in the butter dish tonight! 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
1484 Don't forget, we have to be in Kennebunkport by April. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1485 The B-52s are a band not a lifestyle. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1486 I don’t even know why I agreed to remove your rubber bands for tonight? 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1487 Well, you certainly didn't get the crabs from me. 1.2973 0.05024 148 116 20 12
1488 Honey, I'm glad your no longer smoking but when can you take the claws off? 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
1489 No, I don't think our nickname should be "Surf 'n Turf"! 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
1490 Once again I caught you red-handed! 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
1491 arent you getting tired of finger foods??? 1.2973 0.04442 148 110 32 6
1492 Why the hell is it I keep having to fish you out of hot water? 1.2973 0.04230 148 108 36 4
1493 That’s the last time I ask you to scratch my back. 1.2968 0.04111 155 113 38 4
1494 I'm not being shellfish, you're just being crabby. 1.2968 0.04593 155 118 28 9
1495 frankly, you're being you're being a bit crabby. 1.2968 0.04406 155 116 32 7
1496 Let's skip the foreplay today. 1.2968 0.04593 155 118 28 9
1497 Don’t talk about ME being snippy! 1.2968 0.04406 155 116 32 7
1498 I'm not the one who's crabby 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
1499 If you call me crabby again, you'll be in hot water, mister. 1.2968 0.04501 155 117 30 8
1500 Not all they’re cracked up to be, are they? 1.2968 0.04593 155 118 28 9
1501 One more time and—I swear—I'm gonna put your rubber bands back on. 1.2968 0.04501 155 117 30 8
1502 I don't know why you insist on shopping at that second-hand store. 1.2953 0.04518 149 112 30 7
1503 Why do you have to be so shellfish? 1.2953 0.04097 149 115 27 7
1504 You need to update your profile picture. 1.2949 0.04382 156 117 32 7
1505 Well, in the bright side , we got you out of hot water just in time 1.2949 0.04745 156 121 24 11
1506 You just had to pinch the baby's cheeks, didn't you? 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1507 Could we try something other than seafood tonight? 1.2949 0.04476 156 118 30 8
1508 You just had to go to Area 51, didn't you? 1.2949 0.04189 156 115 36 5
1509 You agree? Pinch me, I must be dreaming. 1.2945 0.04778 146 112 25 9
1510 So you won't be a piano player... It's OK.. 1.2945 0.04365 146 108 33 5
1511 Now I don't want you to hurt him. I just want you to scare him. 1.2945 0.04255 146 107 35 4
1512 You just can't keep your claws off 1.2945 0.04576 146 110 29 7
1513 I knew we stayed too long in Maine 1.2937 0.04307 143 105 34 4
1514 I don’t care if they are your favorite team. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1515 Do that once more and I'm getting out the rubber bands. 1.2937 0.04307 143 105 34 4
1516 You're just like your father, you never let things go. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1517 Well, your interspecies dating fling has certainly presented a challenge to our relationship. 1.2937 0.04011 143 105 35 3
1518 Some guys are all hands--but not you. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1519 How can you win first prize when you've lost the rest of the costume? 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1520 Honestly Jeff, sometimes you can be just a pinch annoying. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1521 It’s not an accident that nobody makes a lobster claw dildo 1.2937 0.05044 143 112 20 11
1522 You cray cray. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1523 You've been spending way too much time in Maine. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1524 You could've just said you don't like holding hands in public. 1.2937 0.04307 143 105 34 4
1525 I told you the maitre d' wouldn't seat a man wearing shorts. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
1526 I don’t think we’re at the stage where you meet my parents. Also, my father is allergic to shellfish. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
1527 If the theater is going to insist on rubber bands, they should at least provide them. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1528 Edward Lobster-Hands and his agent after failing their audition. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1529 Well I can tell you right now Nephro, we are never visiting another petting zoo! 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1530 It's humiliating enough! Did they have to print us in two colors? 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1531 I just don't want to get hurt again. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
1532 That is the last time we go to Red Lobster for sex advice! 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1533 I told you I had a thing for mobsters. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1534 Yes, you did tell me your name was Clawed, but I didn't think it was spelled that way. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1535 If you had cloven feet, or even scales, fine, but my parents don’t like me dating shellfish men. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1536 That’s not what I was talking about when I said lobster is an aphrodisiac. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
1537 Why couldn't you pick a normal pair of gloves? 1.2937 0.04794 143 112 21 10
1538 I'm sorry, Larry, but you simply can't blame everything on that. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1539 That’s it. We’re putting the rubber bands back on. 1.2937 0.05044 143 112 20 11
1540 From now on, keep your claws off me. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1541 If runway designers jumped off a cliff would you do that too? 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
1542 And don't you dare tell me you got them from trying on pants!" 1.2937 0.04307 143 105 34 4
1543 If you're thinking 'this might be the night,' then you can forget it. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1544 New York on a Saturday, you'd think it'd be easy to find some butter. 1.2937 0.04191 143 104 36 3
1545 You don’t have to tell me that Maine is in your blood. 1.2937 0.04191 143 104 36 3
1546 I preferred the scissors... 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1547 Can't you play anything besides "Chopsticks"? 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1548 Did you have to start crying when you saw your cousin on the plate? 1.2937 0.04945 143 111 22 10
1549 Say one more thing and I'll boil you head first 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
1550 I thought you and Dad would get along, considering how much he values a firm handshake. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1551 I told you don't get grabby...now you've ruined a nice evening. 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1552 I just don't think it's a big enough reason not to have children. 1.2937 0.04420 143 106 32 5
1553 It’s always the same excuse with you. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1554 Remember when we used to hold hands? 1.2937 0.04420 143 106 32 5
1555 I guess they're better than alligator arms when the check comes. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
1556 I'd've thought that would be on your profile. 1.2937 0.04742 143 108 26 8
1557 I said you are being selfish, not shellfish! 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
1558 and in the era of "me too!" 1.2937 0.04307 143 105 34 4
1559 Well, I do feel left out when you go to your crustacean group meetings. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
1560 What I don't understand is why you decided to boil them. 1.2930 0.04542 157 120 28 9
1561 And you were complaining about my red shoes. 1.2925 0.04549 147 111 29 7
1562 At least the remote control is all mine now! 1.2925 0.04549 147 111 29 7
1563 I should never have let you start a species reassignment surgery 1.2925 0.04549 147 111 29 7
1564 Your dating profile definitely should have mentioned this. 1.2925 0.04651 147 112 27 8
1565 Clawing your way back won't work, Harry. 1.2925 0.04446 147 113 27 7
1566 Let's go eat lobster, you said. It'll be fun, you said. 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1567 I know my profile said I love lobster, but.. 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1568 That's the last time I help you go to the bathroom. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1569 The way you touch me just isn't kosher 1.2917 0.04714 144 110 26 8
1570 Market price is good, if you ever pinch me again I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1571 And did you notice the smirk on that waiter’s face when we asked for more butter? 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1572 Don't you feel crabby sometimes? 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1573 Looks like you got yourself into some hot water 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1574 Yeah, so you really think the jury's going to buy that? 1.2917 0.04714 144 110 26 8
1575 I told you to wear rubber bands when we go out in public. 1.2917 0.04714 144 110 26 8
1576 I don't care if you like the tail - I'm not wearing one. 1.2917 0.04714 144 110 26 8
1577 What's wrong with the tank you have? 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1578 You caught me red handed. Again. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1579 I coulda sworn your profile said part motocyclist, part MOB-ster... 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1580 No, I didn’t choose you from the tank. 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1581 This is not going to get you out of doing the dishes. 1.2917 0.04167 144 105 36 3
1582 So... I thought that when you said you were into lobsters, you meant eating them! 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1583 I’m getting tired of your constant snapping at me. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1584 This is the last time we see Dr. Moreau for your arthritis. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1585 You know, the HR department making you wear the “Pinchers of Shame” is actually something to be ashamed of. 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1586 Right! You couldn't help pinching the waitress! 1.2917 0.04915 144 112 22 10
1587 And for god’s sake, don’t monopolize the Beluga hors d’oeuvres. 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1588 All your friends wear rubber bands. Why do you have to be different? 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1589 How am I the snappy one? 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1590 Josephine told me last night you couldn't keep your claws off her. 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1591 Get over it. Edward Scissorhands tanked his first audition. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1592 No pussy grabbing for you 1.2917 0.04815 144 111 24 9
1593 I know your profile said you've been slowly coming out of your shell, but honestly I just feel deceived. 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1594 I told you not to take the rubberbands off until the second date. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1595 Fine, I get it — You feel like a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas. But at least you could’ve shaved. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1596 Oh you don't think my parents are going to ask if your Jewish? 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1597 I specifically said "Lobster Roll"....not stroll.... 1.2917 0.04815 144 111 24 9
1598 Why don’t you just say you want to move to Maine 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1599 I don't care if you saw lint on my blouse and skirt! 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1600 But you used to love it when I rubbed you with butter 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
1601 I have never understood a single sentence in The New Yorker 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1602 So that's all you could think of when the genie gave you a free wish. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1603 Nothing against lobstermen, I just think your pictures were misleading. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1604 All of the animal kingdom and you choose this? 1.2917 0.04714 144 110 26 8
1605 I think we need to talk about our sex life. 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1606 I know they cost $1200, but you look ridiculous. 1.2917 0.04815 144 111 24 9
1607 "You're been acting very shellfish lately." 1.2917 0.04503 144 108 30 6
1608 I seriously doubt this will land Maine an NFL team. 1.2917 0.04282 144 106 34 4
1609 You can't let go of anything, can you? 1.2917 0.04167 144 105 36 3
1610 I can’t bring you home for dinner because my parents keep kosher. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1611 I mean, you could have at least wished for jazz hands. 1.2917 0.04394 144 107 32 5
1612 I suppose you think I'm going to change the kitty litter from now on! 1.2910 0.04717 134 101 27 6
1613 Well, if she is just an old friend, why did she spend the whole meal buttering you up? 1.2905 0.04913 148 116 21 11
1614 Never. 1.2889 0.04444 135 100 31 4
1615 your wearing shorts in October ! 1.2889 0.04917 135 104 23 8
1616 You are just so damned shellfish. 1.2889 0.04567 135 101 29 5
1617 When you asked me if I was allergic to shellfish, I thought you were being ironic. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
1618 What did you expect they were gonna tell you when you asked for a manicure?! 1.2887 0.04479 142 109 26 7
1619 You promised me that you were going to get a manicure beforeour anniversary dinner! 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1620 If I could wipe my own butt I wouldn't be asking you to! 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1621 No, I will not wear eau de clarified butter and thats final! 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1622 I told you not to participate in that stupid gene splicing experiment. What dd you expect, the hands of Horowitz? 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
1623 Is THIS the anti-mugging device that you ordered off the internet? 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
1624 How did you even swipe right with those things? 1.2887 0.04955 142 111 21 10
1625 And second, Mom, dental school was your dream, not mine. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1626 You know what I hate most about this whole lobster claw hands phase you are going through? Helping you pee! 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1627 How many times have I told you "pinch me, I'm must be dreaming" is a figure of speech, not meant literally? 1.2887 0.05249 142 114 15 13
1628 Well, clawing your way to the top hasn't worked, has it! 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1629 When you said you had crabs I didn't know it was this serious 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
1630 What did you think the replacement clause meant ? 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
1631 I just feel like we're not the same type. 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
1632 Next time maybe we take the genie more seriously? 1.2887 0.04191 142 104 35 3
1633 And you call me a crab? 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1634 That's it...were getting rubber bands! 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1635 I liked it better when you were all hands. 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
1636 Yet another reason why full body shots in dating profiles should be mandatory. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1637 I suppose you also have crabs? 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1638 I just want you to stop saying "vice-like grip". 1.2878 0.04816 139 107 24 8
1639 And you say I'm crabby. 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1640 When your profile said that you identify as a lobster, I thought you were joking. 1.2878 0.04116 139 101 36 2
1641 YOU CAN FORGET THE FOREPLAY! 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1642 How do you even wipe your a- nevermind. I don't want to know. God why can’t I just meet a normal guy? Fuck you, Tinder. 1.2878 0.04923 139 108 22 9
1643 Now what's the matter? 1.2878 0.04816 139 107 24 8
1644 Pinch my ass one more time and you'll be relocated to Riker's Island! 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1645 what possibly could have happened that you stopped taking my calls? 1.2878 0.04361 139 103 32 4
1646 It's not going to happen. Stop singing I want to hold you hand. 1.2878 0.04361 139 103 32 4
1647 I saw you clawing that woman! 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1648 I've got your nose?... Larry ... Seriously, you played I've got your nose? 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1649 It's that darn sex offender registration. 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1650 You seem to always forget your wallet. 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1651 So what, we'll just never thumb wrestle? 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1652 Ok, you’ve clawed your way to the top; now what? 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1653 I told you 'prenuptial claws' was a stupid bit. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1654 You might have mentioned that "The Metamorphosis" is your favorite book in your profile. 1.2878 0.04923 139 108 22 9
1655 Now I know what it feels like to be caught red-handed. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1656 Well, Jeff, I still contend your protest over the tariffs is a tad too subtle. 1.2878 0.05028 139 109 20 10
1657 I still don't see why you aren't letting me get a unicorn horn, Bill. 1.2878 0.04816 139 107 24 8
1658 OK but the claws weren't in any of your Tinder photos. 1.2878 0.05028 139 109 20 10
1659 I think it's a bit of a stretch to call those "loving hands" in your dating profile 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1660 I suppose you think my allergy to shellfish is the only problem? 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1661 I’m just so tired of everyone calling you ‘Santa’... 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1662 I wish they were just clammy again. 1.2878 0.04816 139 107 24 8
1663 Of course people were staring all night - look at the way you're dressed! 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1664 I can’t put my finger on it, but something about this relationship isn’t kosher. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1665 Foreplay is out, dream date. 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1666 You were all handsy earlier, and now this? Your mood swings are out of control! 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1667 Just once could you not say "I'll just have a pinch, please." 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1668 Stop saying that I'm trying to butter you up. 1.2878 0.04421 139 105 27 6
1669 Try to be less crabby when we visit my parents. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1670 I am not "A prisoner of binary thinking"! 1.2878 0.04361 139 103 32 4
1671 My mother warned me about dating someone from Maine. 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1672 I hate that the kids call you CrawDad 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1673 You bet I'm boiling mad. 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1674 No, I will NOT call you. Crawdaddy. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1675 I didn't like the way you looked at that crab. 1.2878 0.04594 139 105 28 6
1676 Stay away from the cat. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1677 I'm tired of having you pick up fish for dinner 1.2878 0.04361 139 103 32 4
1678 He definitely won’t be able to find my clit now. 1.2878 0.04923 139 108 22 9
1679 You do everything halfway, Jeffrey. I was a mermaid." 1.2878 0.05028 139 109 20 10
1680 My father loathes a weak handshake. 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1681 So shellfish... you KNOW I'm allergic to hyperbole. 1.2878 0.04923 139 108 22 9
1682 When you told me that they caught you red-handed, I didn't think you meant it literally! 1.2878 0.04479 139 104 30 5
1683 You dropped a ming vase? You wonder why they call you butterfingers! 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1684 You just had to touch the china, didn't you?! 1.2867 0.04720 143 110 25 8
1685 That’s not even your Maine problem! 1.2857 0.04566 140 106 28 6
1686 I thought you were saying you wanted to be "selfish" for once. 1.2857 0.04892 140 109 22 9
1687 Touch my butt again and I'll turn you into a toad. 1.2857 0.04452 140 105 30 5
1688 Online you said you were Kosher 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
1689 I caught him red-handed. 1.2857 0.04566 140 106 28 6
1690 All I said was why don't we try that seafood restaurant on 48th street. 1.2857 0.04566 140 106 28 6
1691 I can't believe you won't introduce me your parents! 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
1692 I know you’re achey, but I wouldn’t take a hot bath if I were you. 1.2857 0.04335 140 104 32 4
1693 I thought your profile said a couple of small flaws, not huge tall claws!! 1.2857 0.04509 140 108 25 7
1694 No way am I letting you bring those into the bedroom. 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
1695 No, actually, I couldn't see them on your Tinder profile. 1.2857 0.04566 140 106 28 6
1696 No, when they say, “You literally have to claw your way to the top here,” they do not actually mean “literally.” 1.2857 0.04892 140 109 22 9
1697 I knew you weren't having safe sex! 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1698 Rabbi doesn't approve of us. 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1699 The days I only got a peck on the cheek are looking good now. 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1700 I should be the one who is crabby. 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1701 This isn't gonna work if you keep sidestepping all my advances. 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1702 Don't try clawing your way out of this one 1.2847 0.03581 137 106 27 4
1703 I normally like a lot of foreplay, but . . . 1.2847 0.04510 137 103 29 5
1704 When you molt they will come off 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1705 Clawing your way to the top is fine, but you might want to consider a business suit. 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1706 You always have to take the rubber bands off, don't you? 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1707 It isn’t as good as spiderman but it is better than roachboy. 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1708 I want a divorce, Clawed. 1.2847 0.04854 137 106 23 8
1709 Your love for lobster is getting out of hand. 1.2847 0.04389 137 102 31 4
1710 I see you were caught red-handed. What's your excuse this time? 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1711 You clearly don’t understand a pre-nuptial clause, or a homonym. 1.2847 0.04963 137 107 21 9
1712 You're taking your T. S. Eliot infatuation too far. 1.2847 0.04854 137 106 23 8
1713 Oh right, you always win the I felt awkward thing. 1.2847 0.04510 137 103 29 5
1714 How can you possibly think they don’t define you?! 1.2847 0.04510 137 103 29 5
1715 Pinching was supposed to just be our special thing. 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1716 Stop it, before I get crabby! 1.2847 0.05017 137 110 16 11
1717 I just wish you’d gotten bitten by a Merman instead. 1.2847 0.04963 137 107 21 9
1718 You and your allergies have once again ruined our evening! 1.2847 0.04742 137 105 25 7
1719 I caught you red-handed flirting with my best friend, Larry. 1.2837 0.04309 141 105 32 4
1720 I begged you not to play that piano. 1.2837 0.04648 141 110 23 8
1721 Even if I do dress as a cup of melted butter, I don't think we're gonna win. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1722 So much for trying to claw your way to the top. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1723 Try that again and I'm getting out the rubber bands. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1724 You could at least aspire to be some sort of superhero. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1725 Clawed? Clawed? Being pawed is bad enough. 1.2837 0.04190 141 104 34 3
1726 Of course I’m not going to forgive you! I’ve just caught you red- handed. 1.2837 0.04756 141 108 24 8
1727 I didn't understand the special 'claws' in our prenuptial agreement. Now I'm going to leave you red-handed ! 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1728 Looks like you're cooked. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1729 I look at you, and all I see is red!! 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1730 I just don't think 'Lobsterman' has much of a superhero ring to it! 1.2837 0.04309 141 105 32 4
1731 Why am I disappointed? Of course I assumed your profile was referring to dinner. 1.2837 0.04190 141 104 34 3
1732 That's not what you father meant when he said you have to claw your way to success. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1733 Just tell me how you got the rubber bands off! 1.2837 0.04190 141 104 34 3
1734 You're the shellfish one in this relationship! 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1735 I’m sick of you ignoring my texts. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1736 Well....o.k. But no foreplay 1.2837 0.04190 141 104 34 3
1737 I'm crabby? 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1738 I double-checked your online dating profile again. You definitely did not include a hyphen in your occupation, ‘Lobster-Man’. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1739 I'm allowed to be crabby sometimes too! 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1740 You could have at least tried on the tail. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1741 I'm just sick of your shellfishness 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1742 There's a reason we don't hold hands in public 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1743 Sometimes I wish you hadn't come out of your shell. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1744 No one appreciates you pointing out that's your friend in the tank. 1.2837 0.04309 141 105 32 4
1745 Rubber Bands are Wedding Bands in Maine 1.2836 0.05148 134 106 18 10
1746 Did you ever consider becoming a mohel? 1.2836 0.04809 134 103 24 7
1747 You're REALLY going to be in hot water when we get home. 1.2836 0.04570 134 101 28 5
1748 You're taking your T.S.Eliot thesis waaay too seriously. 1.2836 0.04809 134 103 24 7
1749 Keep your claws to yourself! You're not the President! 1.2836 0.05148 134 106 18 10
1750 ‘That’s the last time I go on Plenty of Fish.’ 1.2836 0.04691 134 102 26 6
1751 You transition, you get crabby." 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1752 John if I hear you say 'claw-ful' one more time we are done... 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1753 I'm boiling right now! No offense. 1.2826 0.04541 138 107 24 7
1754 Not what I meant by "Arbitration Clause" 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1755 Damn it Glen! I told you to lay off the breast stuff! 1.2826 0.04177 138 109 22 7
1756 If they had boiled the rest of you we wouldn’t be having this conversation. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1757 If you grab my butt one more time . . . 1.2826 0.04362 138 103 31 4
1758 Those were NOT apparent from your profile pictures! 1.2826 0.04598 138 105 27 6
1759 Whenever we visit my family in Maine its like you grow a shell that you want hide in 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1760 And what a wasted wish that was, Mr. Prufrock! 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1761 You can't wear those forever, David. You're going to have to hold my sister's newborn eventually. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1762 It's fine. I can get my ring resized. 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1763 You didn’t need to take me so seriously when I suggested you should try clawing your way to the top. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1764 I miss the days when your hands were just cold and clammy. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1765 You know I never have liked that shirt. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1766 Why do you always have to be so shellfish? 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1767 Oh so the rubber bands come off and suddenly you’re Mr. Big Shot? 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1768 God, what a mistake. You seemed like such a catch. 1.2826 0.04598 138 105 27 6
1769 Don’t be embarrassed Phil. I’m sure there were some other people who also thought Lobsterfest was like Comic-Con for seafood lovers. 1.2826 0.04362 138 103 31 4
1770 God, I hate your circus friends. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1771 Why are you always so crabby?" "Because you have no idea who I am! 1.2826 0.04598 138 105 27 6
1772 You can’t claw your way out this time. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1773 Yes, I know how it feels to be trapped 1.2826 0.05142 138 110 17 11
1774 You can bet you're gonna be in hot water! 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1775 We should've known, with a name like 'Prosthetics R Us'. 1.2826 0.04598 138 105 27 6
1776 It’s always the same story - we go out, you drink too much and then you start clawing at me. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1777 I don't know what you were thinking - you know the tail is my favorite part." 1.2826 0.05142 138 110 17 11
1778 Oh yeah? And you’re no Prufrock. 1.2826 0.04239 138 102 33 3
1779 If you have to wear them, fine! But I will not call you Santa. 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1780 You embarrassed me in that balloon modelling class. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1781 That “little pinch” was far more than just a tease sir! 1.2826 0.04598 138 105 27 6
1782 This won't work Bill, you're too shellfish. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1783 When you called me to tell me you had crabs I didn’t think that THIS is what you meant. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1784 Claude, how many times do I have to tell you. Stop pinching me. It hurts. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1785 You must admit you have been more than a little crabby lately 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1786 I can get crabby sometimes. You made your point. 1.2826 0.04931 138 108 21 9
1787 Seriously? That makes up for giving me crabs? 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
1788 Yet again, Malcolm mysteriously finds himself facing accusations of getting "grabby" in public. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1789 Just because you're buying me dinner doesn't mean you can put your claws all over me later on. 1.2826 0.04931 138 108 21 9
1790 I saw you pinch her ass 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1791 And if I get wet I turn into a little mermaid. 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1792 Why couldn't you just ask for a doggy bag? 1.2826 0.04482 138 104 29 5
1793 You can beg all you want, no butter sauce in bed 1.2817 0.04727 142 110 24 8
1794 No, you can't pinch my butt. 1.2817 0.04620 142 109 26 7
1795 You give me claws for alarm. 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
1796 NO!! I don't care, I don't want us to help each other in the restroom 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1797 You should have told me your crabs had gotten worse. 1.2803 0.05080 132 104 19 9
1798 I just don’t see Broadway being that interested in doing a musical about your life, that’s all.” 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1799 If you call me the crabby one ONE MORE TIME, so help me God, I’ll— 1.2803 0.04965 132 103 21 8
1800 Did you notice Chloe's slight about you growing up in Maine? 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1801 I really mean when I say “keep your claws off me!”. 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1802 So that's how you were able to claw your way to the top? 1.2803 0.04847 132 102 23 7
1803 What next, tails? 1.2803 0.04847 132 102 23 7
1804 I've never teased you about YOUR mother. 1.2803 0.04344 132 98 31 3
1805 Can’t say I ever thought I would be banned from a Red Lobster. 1.2803 0.04209 132 97 33 2
1806 You can stop trying to butter me up, I’m real steamed 1.2803 0.05080 132 104 19 9
1807 Well, you're the one whose crabby! 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1808 This week on "Botched". . . 1.2803 0.05193 132 105 17 10
1809 I told you not to eat the lobster bisque with your fingers. 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1810 You are so bathetic. 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1811 Maybe massage therapy just isn't your thing.. 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1812 You know the Halloween party is on cape cod...Lobster costumes are out sharks are in .... 1.2803 0.04847 132 102 23 7
1813 That's no excuse for not reaching for the check 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1814 Look Ma no hands. 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1815 No,no! A comma puts a pause at the end of your clause. 1.2803 0.04847 132 102 23 7
1816 Okay, okay, you've made your point. You're not a shellfish guy. 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1817 You’re right, I should have put this in my profile. 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1818 Don't even THINK about holding my hand." 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1819 If the Mayor wants you to do ribbon cuttings he should pay you. 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1820 I said our prenuptial agreement contained a 'clause,' not.. 1.2803 0.04344 132 98 31 3
1821 And they named you Claude why? 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1822 Your piano gig at the seafood restaurant did not go well! 1.2803 0.04847 132 102 23 7
1823 They better be returnable. 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
1824 Date night and you are wearing board shorts and a sweatshirt. We are not going to Applebees! I hate my life. 1.2794 0.04748 136 105 24 7
1825 At least they stopped commenting on my "tail." 1.2794 0.04512 136 103 28 5
1826 You know how I love to be buttered up. 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
1827 The next time someone says she could use a hand, try to remember the last three lawsuits 1.2794 0.04390 136 102 30 4
1828 Please don’t try anything on our first date. 1.2794 0.04134 136 105 26 5
1829 I caught you red handed buttering her up at the seafood bar. 1.2794 0.04512 136 103 28 5
1830 Did you really have to go to such lengths not to hold my bag? 1.2794 0.05080 136 108 18 10
1831 And your calling me crabby!! 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
1832 I just wish you’d leave skeletons in the closet instead of on the bathroom floor. 1.2794 0.04972 136 107 20 9
1833 Your "It's the claw!" thing to the child in the next booth was simply uncalled for. 1.2794 0.04390 136 102 30 4
1834 Maybe you could be less shellfish. 1.2794 0.04748 136 105 24 7
1835 Well, you certainly were crabby this evening. 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
1836 I'm sorry but that's not an excuse for pinching her. 1.2794 0.04134 136 100 34 2
1837 You were nicer with a tail. 1.2794 0.04972 136 107 20 9
1838 Butter might free me but it seems like bad karma. 1.2794 0.05080 136 108 18 10
1839 I hope those are imitation lobster. 1.2782 0.04573 133 101 27 5
1840 I’m just tired of you always snapping at me. 1.2782 0.04815 133 103 23 7
1841 How did you even swipe right on me? 1.2782 0.04446 133 100 29 4
1842 For the last time, I know what pescatarian means. 1.2782 0.04815 133 103 23 7
1843 4th of July,Portland,Maine 1.2778 0.04865 126 97 23 6
1844 You accuse me of being crabby? 1.2778 0.04733 126 96 25 5
1845 No, Peter, you were supposed to get bitten by a spider, not a spider crab!" 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1846 I don’t care if they were on sale. 1.2748 0.04205 131 97 32 2
1847 I should have been suspicious when your Match.com nickname was "Giant Lobster Claws" 1.2748 0.05089 131 104 18 9
1848 I told you I don't date Cancers... 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1849 When you wrote on your dating profile that your friends call you “Claude,” I didn’t know they meant that literally. 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1850 My friend warned me you were cray-cray. 1.2748 0.04853 131 102 22 7
1851 and you said I'M a crab? 1.2748 0.04475 131 99 28 4
1852 Oh, I'm the one being snippy? 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1853 This is so humiliating; all my friends say that you must be lousy in bed. 1.2748 0.04475 131 99 28 4
1854 I did not say you're a crab. I just said you're acting like one. 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1855 I told you to shave and I hate those shorts! 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1856 You're being shellfish again. 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1857 What did you think of the crab cakes? 1.2748 0.04730 131 101 24 6
1858 You could have told me you didn’t want to go to Red Lobster and spared me your tirade. 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
1859 You hand models are something else. 1.2734 0.04602 128 100 22 6
1860 Your online profile said "suffers from clammy hands" but this is a little too much for me. 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
1861 If we're going to date, you're going to have to wear rubber bands. 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1862 I am NOT crabby. You Are!!! 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
1863 I can’t believe we’ve been dating for 2 years and you still won’t hold hands 1.2734 0.04668 128 98 25 5
1864 No! I won't give you a hand job. 1.2734 0.04668 128 98 25 5
1865 If you didn't want to see the palm reader you should have just said so! 1.2734 0.04397 128 96 29 3
1866 So, you're a witch who doesn't like men who get "handsy" on first dates. Noted! 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
1867 You know, you can just say that you don't like going to the sign language class with me. 1.2734 0.04925 128 100 21 7
1868 I said I have a thing for MOBsters 1.2734 0.04925 128 100 21 7
1869 Can we stop at Walgreen’s? I need some rubber bands. 1.2734 0.04925 128 100 21 7
1870 I thought I had finally cracked you, Lou, but wow, you're a lot of work. 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1871 Just wait 'til I get a piranha mouth. 1.2727 0.05168 132 106 16 10
1872 When your transition is complete, you'll be doing your own zipping. 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1873 Ugh! You’re more and more shellfish every day! 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1874 You wouldn’t even try on the mittens my mother knit you. 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1875 There’s nothing in your Tinder profile about been a CRISPR afionado 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1876 You should have told me that your mother is a lobster. 1.2727 0.04446 132 100 28 4
1877 I thought you said you "loved" lobster, not that you're "part" lobster. 1.2720 0.04454 125 94 28 3
1878 I’m sure she WANTED to shake hands, but I already told you Mila’s Kosher! 1.2720 0.04666 125 98 21 6
1879 I had the strangest dream last night. Your feet were duck feet. 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1880 So, this is what you meant when you said you had hot hands. 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1881 This is probably a good time to put things on ice. 1.2720 0.04454 125 94 28 3
1882 I don't do shellfish. 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
1883 No, it has nothing to do with the Me Too movement...your pinching at work just has to stop. 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
1884 "Sorry...I just don't see us mating for life. 1.2720 0.04454 125 94 28 3
1885 If you don't want to do the dishes, just say so. 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1886 All I'm saying is that you've been crabby lately. 1.2713 0.04505 129 98 27 4
1887 Deny, deflect, dismiss, but you were caught red-handed. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1888 When you said you were volunteering for a medical experiment, I thought it was for your clogged sinuses. 1.2713 0.04766 129 100 23 6
1889 There's no need to get snippy! 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1890 I'll "do in a pinch"? That really hurts! 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1891 How about I scratch your back and you scratch your back? 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1892 I told you I preferred clammy hands. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1893 You are not allowed in a thrift store alone anymore. 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1894 They stay until you learn to keep your hands to yourself. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1895 I thought you were kidding when you said our pre-nup had a lobster clause. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1896 I thought your NAME was Claude. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1897 If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times to keep your claws off me, or there will be consequences. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1898 I hate it when you get so crabby. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1899 You didn't know it was a kosher restaurant? 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1900 Sorry, but scuttling across the floors of silent seas is not my idea of a hot first date. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1901 I meant to order lobster from Maine, not lobster les mains! Stupid autocorrect. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1902 Good luck hailing a cab. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1903 Honestly Roger, I finally get why people call you Dependent Clause.” 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1904 This wouldn’t happen if you kept your hands to yourself. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1905 You're soaking those things in drawn butter and lemon the second we get home. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1906 You better keep your claws to yourself, Mister 1.2698 0.04278 126 99 22 5
1907 Choosing to wear crab claws shouldn't grant you a disability parking permit. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1908 Don't shake anybody's hand- our insurance won't cover it. 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1909 Quit trying to butter me up. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1910 Not only too expensive but they're starting to smell bad. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1911 Whatever you read on the Internet, I can assure you that walking around with huge lobster claws on your hands will not raise your IQ. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1912 Embarrass me again and you are in hot water! 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1913 OK, but no more foreplay 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1914 I suppose this means that we will not be able to visit any friends who have a fish tank. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1915 Will you put those things away! 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1916 My last boyfriend has Russian hands and the previous Roman fingers but you win out as a bottom feeder. 1.2698 0.05214 126 101 16 9
1917 I told you to use hand lotion. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1918 Butter fingers is not a compliment. 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1919 And keep your claws off me! 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1920 You don't think that's an over-reaction to #MeToo? 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1921 Any new strategies for "clawing your way to the top"? 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1922 Mother didn't think it was funny either! 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1923 That was the first and last time we go to second base. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1924 I had way more fun dating that fly with the human head and arms. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1925 There is no need to snap at me! 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1926 I asked you to call a cab... 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1927 If you touch my hair again, you’ll be in hot water. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1928 Cold hands, warm heart. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1929 You can take the man out of Maine but... 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1930 I guess we won’t be holding hands any time soon, 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1931 I said I love Santa Claus not lobster claws 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1932 No Bermudas in months with an R, what on earth...? 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1933 You asked me to draw you a hot bath. So what if it was over an open flame." 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1934 I've been catfished, but never crawfished. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1935 You deserve crabs! That's what you get for cheating! 1.2698 0.05453 126 103 12 11
1936 No! Not if you’re going to keep snapping at me like that.” 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1937 I mean, we GOT our flu shots. Why won't she let us hold the new baby? 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1938 Just another excuse to avoid chores 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1939 I can't believe you didn't speak to me before you had it done. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1940 Your father runs a lobster boat, what does your mother do? 1.2698 0.05214 126 101 16 9
1941 A first-class restaurant would have put your takeaway leftovers in a bag. 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1942 It's nothing that a little butter couldn't fix. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1943 If I have to say it again, our divorce will be at ‘Market Price’. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1944 I'm sorry. Jewish parents like mine just have old-fashioned ideas about potential husband material. 1.2698 0.05214 126 101 16 9
1945 You can't claw your way out of this, Jeff! 1.2698 0.05335 126 102 14 10
1946 Remember me telling you, 'you are what you eat'? 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1947 You should have told me you were related before I ordered. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1948 You need to grow up and get a job. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1949 If you're going to claw your way up, you might want to re-think the shorts. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1950 That's not what I meant when I said I hope our neighbor gets pinched for stealing our newspapers. 1.2698 0.04634 126 99 21 6
1951 The last time you wore those out it got us both in hot water. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1952 That was no love pinch. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1953 I’m sorry I’m an Aries, I don’t get along with people who are Cancer. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1954 We’re together and you should wear your bands 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1955 And another thing: why do I always have to carry your wallet. I'm not your mother. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1956 You’re gonna be in hot water when we get home. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1957 Not from Maine? Boston perhaps? 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1958 I’m just afraid you’re going to get attached. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1959 And you still can't grab a cab! 1.2677 0.04534 127 97 26 4
1960 Draw me like one of your French girls? You can't even draw butter. 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1961 How many times do I have to say it? I am a capable independent woman who can crack open her own mussels at dinner. 1.2677 0.04930 127 100 20 7
1962 I know you're uncomfortable at seafood restaurants, but sometimes I just have to have some. 1.2677 0.04394 127 96 28 3
1963 You have the right to bear arms. You do not have the right to lobster arms. 1.2677 0.04534 127 97 26 4
1964 You said, and I quote "Just take the rubber bands off, it'll be fine. 1.2672 0.04475 116 87 27 2
1965 Some SuperHero you are if all you can do is crack open nuts. 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1966 Pinch me one more time and I swear I'll turn those red claws blue. 1.2661 0.05135 124 99 17 8
1967 We can't go on like this, Carl. I keep kosher. 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1968 It wasn't your claws that kept us from getting a table, but that you thought jean shorts were proper dress for a 5-star restaurant. 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1969 You didn't have to steal them. They were part of the meal. 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1970 I thought once I cut the rubber bands off, we could at least try holding hands. 1.2661 0.04596 124 95 25 4
1971 My favorite movie? Edward Scissorhands! 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1972 Oh, get a grip, Frank. 1.2661 0.04596 124 95 25 4
1973 Well, you do have a nice thorax. 1.2661 0.05006 124 98 19 7
1974 If you ever call me Melania again, we'll see who has the sharper claws. 1.2661 0.05135 124 99 17 8
1975 Never, repeat, never pat me on the bottom again! 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1976 Did you have to be that snappy to the waiter? 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1977 I said I’m sorry. Just please stop saying you’re boiling mad! 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1978 Pinch my ass one more time, I swear... 1.2661 0.04596 124 95 25 4
1979 It's not you, Harry. It's me. 1.2650 0.05063 117 92 19 6
1980 I told you not to use the hot tub. 1.2650 0.04915 117 91 21 5
1981 Ok, I get it-you don't like doing the dishes 1.2640 0.04493 125 98 22 5
1982 You could just say you don't like to shake hands. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1983 Maybe you're OK with the side effect from your virility prescription, but you can be sure there won't be any more foreplay. 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1984 What does she have that I don't, besides the claws? 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1985 Colin Farrell you are not. 1.2640 0.05223 125 101 15 9
1986 I do love you. It's just that you're always clawing at me. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1987 Why didn't you just text me? 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1988 You don't ever want to pinch my hand anymore. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1989 Had I known this is what you meant by "trans," I never would have messaged you on Tinder. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1990 It's time you got your OWN nail polish! 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1991 Stop lying. I caught you red-handed. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1992 Foreplay? I don't think so... 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1993 I use speech to text. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1994 I can't see how you're comfortable going out to dinner in shorts. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1995 Well at least they got the color right! 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1996 So you're Claude, eh? I should have known.. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1997 Maybe after you moult... 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1998 This is why I can't date East Coast men. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1999 When you phoned me and said you’d acquired superhero powers, at first I was excited. 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
2000 No, I'm NOT getting the sexy lobster bib. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2001 And then you overreacted when I simply recommended a hot bath. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2002 Clause, Henry. Prenuptial clause. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2003 I draw the line with the melted butter! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2004 Edward Scissorshand You're Not 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2005 That's the last time we watch a Johnny Depp movie before dinner. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2006 I told you when you meet my family, not to shake hands! 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2007 Oh, so I'm the crabby one? 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2008 I did say that I love lobster, but this changes nothing for us. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2009 Please stop saying you'll 'Be there in a pinch." 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2010 The only thing all men seem to have in common is the audacity. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2011 Maybe you should go back to Maine. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2012 A class on Origami? Really? 1.2623 0.03999 122 95 24 3
2013 I just don’t understand how some men let themselves get bitten by radioactive lobsters. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2014 You don't have to be so snappy. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2015 I thought you said you were going for a manicure. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2016 You don't always have to claw your way to the top. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2017 It's already bad enough that you wore shorts... 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2018 I know he was my ex, but did you have to shake his hand like that? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2019 Men o Claws 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
2020 It's bad enough you slept with her but did you have to catch the crabs? 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2021 I’m frustrated, too. They said they had an iPhone for everybody. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2022 And another thing. No more sex. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2023 Don’t you think those lab experiments has gone a little too far..? 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2024 I don’t care what you’ve read on the internet. Antibiotics will work. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2025 I know you think you can claw your way to the top, but this is ridiculous. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2026 I told you to delete the lobster clause. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2027 No need to get all snappy 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2028 One more pinch and I’m getting out the rubber bands. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2029 We're in quite a pinch, aren't we? 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2030 I had something else in mind when I read in your dating profile that you clawed your way to the top. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2031 and you think I'M crabby. 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
2032 I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO LEAVE THE EPISODE IN BAR HARBOR BEHIND US! 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2033 You would have had him if it wasn't for that thing he did with his tail. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2034 You always crack under pressure! 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2035 I hate the fact that you now always have to wear loafers. 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2036 How do you expect to claw your way to the top wearing shorts in October? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2037 YOU are the one who's crabby. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2038 I told my folks you are mostly kosher. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2039 Honestly John, just because you won the Silent Auction last week, does not mean you should wear your new gloves everywhere. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2040 Being Lobsterman is not a superpower to brag about. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2041 Of course I'm upset! You never help with the dishes! 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2042 I know you're mad. I'm sorry I was snappy. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2043 It's a bit heavy-handed. Just sayin'. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2044 And I thought your Hulk hands were bad! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2045 You sure you don’t need a hand? 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2046 You should have no problem clawing your way to the top. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2047 My mom caught me jerking off! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2048 I hope that teaches you to keep your claws off other women. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2049 It seems like you just can't take a crack anymore. 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
2050 I liked you better when you weren't so crabby. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2051 I told you Alexa was listening. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2052 Well no, it's not exactly a super power. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2053 I’m not against public displays of affection, Marion - I’d just feel awful if something went wrong. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2054 How was I supposed to know she had a shellfish allergy? 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2055 I'm sorry. I just don't trust you without the rubber bands. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2056 You were right again. They caught me red-handed. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2057 Your desire to standout is becoming upsetting! 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2058 Why didn't you tell me you're allergic to shellfish? 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2059 No! You can't add the tail. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2060 I told you not to eat the Chernobyl lobster just because it was cheap. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2061 I didn't break you out of SeaWorld just to hear you complain about the integrity of my Bouillabaisse. 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2062 You’re always so crabby. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2063 You don't have to be snappy with me. 1.2623 0.03736 122 96 23 3
2064 I suspect you’re going to want me to give you a butter bath when we get home! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2065 Once again, caught red-handed. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2066 What do you mean, you want to see other mollusks? 1.2623 0.04402 122 95 23 4
2067 We should probably watch Edward Scissorhands 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2068 I told you Stanley, sometimes it can be worse than just hairy palms . . . 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2069 Evidently, we have very different ideas of what dinner on me means. 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2070 People make assumptions when they see a man with big crab hands. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2071 I can’t love a man whose touch is so shellfish! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2072 I don't want to sound insensitive, but you think you might have included this in your Tinder profile?!" 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2073 I don't care if they were serving lobster, I wanted to eat there. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2074 I don't know, Jim...why do you THINK I'm feeling crabby? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2075 You used to hate parties before you came out of your shell. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2076 If you realized the waiter was a genie I suppose you wouldn't have ordered the lobster claws. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2077 I misunderstood your profile when you said you’ve had to claw yourself to the top. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2078 Who are they calling bottom feeders? 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2079 It's not my fault the text autocorrected Lakers to Lobsters! 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2080 I am NOT in a crabby mood! 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2081 Fine. You made your point. But did you need to wear them during the salad course too? 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2082 Why doesn't anyone take my shellfish allergy seriously? 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2083 A toilet seat? I don't believe you! 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2084 For the millionth time, Harry, this IS about your balloon fetish 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2085 Ok, like you never do any frivolous shopping 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2086 Look, your profile said arthropod. I thought that meant you have arthritis. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2087 My colleague will recover but the next time I introduce you to someone, first put on your rubber bands. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2088 No, it doesn't sort of give you permission to say to a complete stranger, "Hey, your tail looks delicious". 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2089 Hell, it wasn't a problem with the cat. 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2090 Stop being so snippy 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2091 I told you male enhancement using CRISPR was a bad idea! 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2092 You don’t have to be embarrassed. Last week I dated a real mollusk! 1.2623 0.04245 122 94 25 3
2093 Feel free to use my hand cream anytime. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2094 God, I can't believe you snapped at the waiter again. If you can't control your attitude, we're not doing brunch anymore 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2095 You're being awfully crabby today. 1.2623 0.04700 122 97 19 6
2096 I just knew that sex therapist was going to lead us astray! 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2097 First it was global warning protests, now it's transmutation of DNA from animals into humans. What's next, membership in EarthMom.org? Just can keep your claws to yourself tonight buster. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2098 ....but did you have to sit in the tank All diner..? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2099 Good luck with your Juilliard audition. 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
2100 Yeah, you know what else goes well with lobster? A nice hot bath, followed by a glass of chardonnay! 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2101 I’m not saying you have to use your new powers for good, but if a radioactive lobster bit me, I might do thing differently. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2102 I just hate it when you pick at your food! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2103 We’ve been through this! You can pick your nose! You can pick your girlfriend! But you CANNOT PICK YOUR GIRLFRIEND’’S NOSE!! 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2104 When you said you were a Lobster fisherman, I wasn’t expecting this. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2105 Yeah, but Ross wasn't ACTUALLY a lobster. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2106 I can't believe your left one isn't bigger. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2107 I still don't see why you had to have it done on both hands. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2108 I wish I hadn't married a Cancer. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2109 Do NOT make me take out the rubber bands again!! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2110 I told you, I don't like it when you get handsy. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2111 Next time just wear the stupid apron! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2112 Well, if couples therapy doesn't work, how about a manicure. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2113 When you said role playing I thought you meant in the bed not at lunch... 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2114 If you're going to be crabby, I'm going home. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2115 I distinctly remember telling you my mother was allergic to shell fish. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2116 The claws are the sweetest part. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2117 So now there’s a ‘lobster fight club’?! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2118 Just can’t keep your hands to yourself, can you? 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2119 Listen Alan, if you feel like a wus, I don’t care anymore...buy some hand lotion. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2120 You KNOW how crabby it makes me when you pinch women on the subway! 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2121 You won’t be disappointed. They are ideally shaped for a blended orgasm. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2122 I didn’t appreciate the gossip at the party that I have crabs. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2123 I am sure you said: Dress For Dinner, not Dress AS Dinner. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2124 I just wish we could eat somewhere that serves more than starfish, sea urchins, and marine worms 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2125 This wasn't the reaction I was expecting when I told you to keep your hands off other women. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2126 You can't just claw your way out of everything, Jeff! 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2127 How many times do I have to say it, the drawn butter was for my toast. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2128 Stop saying "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2129 You're always getting caught red-handed. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2130 Only you would interpret this as clawing your way to the top 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2131 I suppose it IS better than going blind. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2132 I sure hope that claw back provision in or contract is revocable. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2133 Great, we'll never have lunch with Poseidon again. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2134 Look at the bright side 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2135 Why so angry? I thought I was your lobster. 1.2623 0.04842 122 98 17 7
2136 I know why I'm crabby. What's your excuse? 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2137 Do you really think this will help you claw your way to the top? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2138 I thought you meant you were in a bad mood. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2139 Pinch, pinch, pinch-- all you do is pinch. 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
2140 I refuse to wear the tail, at least not in public. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2141 This is the last year you're entering The Dumbest Mittens Contest. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2142 That story about where you were is pretty fishy. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2143 Oh, I'M a little crabby? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2144 You'll do anything to get out of paying the check! 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
2145 Okay I get it. No holding hands in public. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2146 Get a grip pal, your casual butt pinching days are over with those new gloves I got you. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2147 You can be so shellfish sometimes. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2148 No, you can lie about your age and weight online, not about having claws for hands. 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
2149 Yeah, pretty sure the patent's in the bag, David. I'd be more concerned about not having a single sale in over two years on pincerpowerbadass.com. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2150 I don't care if it was unintentional. A vasectomy is a vasectomy. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
2151 Oh please. I'm not the one who's crabby. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
2152 Would it have killed you to get a doggie bag? 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
2153 Did you just crab my ass? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2154 Why didn't you tell me high cholesterol runs in your family? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2155 This makes no sense at all , Larry. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
2156 Unlike my brother Edward, I can pass airline security check 1.2623 0.05435 122 100 12 10
2157 Stop saying you don't have a phone, that's ridiculous. 1.2619 0.05062 126 101 17 8
2158 I wish we had gotten the chicken. 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
2159 Didn't I tell you to keep your claws to yourself. 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
2160 Okay, my mother was crabby. You didn't need to grab her like that. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
2161 So does this mean our flute duets are over? 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
2162 Don’t take it personally, some people just don’t like being hugged. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
2163 Unique doesn't cut it when you can't tie your own shoes. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
2164 Just to be clear, we are never going out for lobster again 1.2619 0.04935 126 100 19 7
2165 My friends warned me about you. 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2166 There must be less conspicuous ways to give up texting. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2167 Don’t worry, when she turned you into a newt you got better... 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2168 Dinner was going fine until one of us couldn't stop dipping our claws in the melted butter. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2169 I'm not selfish! You're shellfish! 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2170 Behave or I'll put the rubberbands back on! 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2171 Oh now we're in a pinch. 1.2605 0.03951 119 94 20 4
2172 Is it contagious? 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2173 NO I don't carry butter in my purse! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2174 I don't care what you say, the dishwater was too hot. 1.2605 0.04539 119 91 25 3
2175 And you never text me anymore! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2176 Well, that's still no reason to snap at me! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2177 NO... I will not wear a bib when I kiss you! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2178 Drawn butter! Drawn butter! Everything with you is drawn butter! 1.2605 0.04379 119 90 27 2
2179 Okay, well I didn't see the claws in our prenuptial agreement. 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2180 yep. I have a "sweeet" tail too 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2181 Me crabby? You should talk! 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2182 Daddy warned me about men with hands like an octopus, but never this! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2183 Next time, try standing outside under a FULL moon. 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2184 Your. profile said you were a blueboood, but I wasn’t expecting this! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2185 If I'm clamming up then just what do you call what you're doing? 1.2605 0.04539 119 91 25 3
2186 Well, I use sunblock, and my hands aren't red. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2187 Look I was fine with the claws until you took me to meet your family. 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2188 How many stores do we have to go to before we find mittens you like? 1.2605 0.04213 119 89 29 1
2189 No! We are NOT serving lobster rolls at our wedding reception. 1.2605 0.04128 119 96 18 5
2190 You asked me to differentiate myself 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2191 When you said you had to claw your way to the top, you weren't kidding. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2192 Actually, Mark, I believe you CAN help pinching the waitress' butt. 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2193 Next time, bring me a pair. I look like an idiot! 1.2605 0.05128 119 95 17 7
2194 You know, you're really starting to come out of your shell 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2195 I would have preferred the tail. 1.2605 0.05128 119 95 17 7
2196 Do you wear those to bed too? 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2197 Empathy is not looking like them when you eat them. 1.2605 0.05399 119 97 13 9
2198 How many times did I tell you not to go snorkeling in Fukushima? 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2199 I thought I'd finally caught you red handed! 1.2605 0.04213 119 89 29 1
2200 It’s my hair, isn’t it? 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2201 All right, you win, sorry I called you crabby 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2202 Don't you dare get snappy with me! 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2203 I feel you. 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2204 ‘Are you feeling any less crabby?’ 1.2605 0.05265 119 96 15 8
2205 Don't think you can just claw your way to the top, mister. 1.2605 0.05265 119 96 15 8
2206 How come they never have claws in my size? 1.2605 0.04379 119 90 27 2
2207 … yeah, but after his radioactive arthropod bite, he could climb walls and wound up with a fantastic movie contract. 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2208 They're part of a plea bargain? Why not just register as a sex offender? 1.2605 0.04379 119 90 27 2
2209 What's the point of having claws if you can't help me out when I'm in a pinch? 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
2210 I can open my own jars, thank you. 1.2605 0.04539 119 91 25 3
2211 I guess now you’ll have to wear those clothes forever. 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2212 You just have to accept the fact that pinching is not a superpower. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2213 No, dear, I do NOT have clawstrophobia. 1.2605 0.04987 119 94 19 6
2214 Do you have to be SO shellfish? 1.2605 0.05128 119 95 17 7
2215 I don't care if it helps your knees. You need to lay off Chondroitin. 1.2605 0.04379 119 90 27 2
2216 I'm disgusted with how my parents treated you at dinner. I knew they were a bit racist, but their clawstrophobia surprised me. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2217 I'm sick and tired of catching you red-handed. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
2218 Yes, my friends in New England adore you, and you never seem to age. But I just can’t get past the fact that you’re a heartless crustacean.” 1.2605 0.05265 119 96 15 8
2219 No, you won't be clawing your way back into my heart. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2220 What else did the hospital say about the witchdoctor's curse? 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2221 I wish we had never moved to Brooklyn. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2222 You said on the dating app your NAME was Claude. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2223 That’s the LAST time we go to Red Lobster. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2224 I had to ask for the biggest one in the tank. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2225 Well, that's certainly the last time I'll ask you to unzip my best ball gown 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2226 You didn't have to snap at the waiter like that 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2227 Last time I’m going glove shopping with you. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2228 I asked you not to wear the jeans shorts. 1.2586 0.04839 116 93 17 6
2229 I will never ask you again to come with me to an audition! 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2230 That's the last time you're ordering the lobster. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2231 I'm sorry Michael, but I'm getting pretty tired of your hermit lifestyle. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2232 This is what you get for not reading Yelp reviews beforehand. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2233 It's always the same with your mother–"When are you going to settle down and move to Maine?" 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2234 As if your claws weren't noticeable enough - you've now gone used all my nail polish!! 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2235 If you don't want to hold hands in public, just say so! 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2236 I thought you said you got tested when we met. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2237 You are such a penny pincher, John. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2238 She was dreading the moment the date moved to the bedroom. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2239 Pinch my ass, really? 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2240 I just thought the hot butter was over the top. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2241 I don’t know, Dave, you just seem a lot more clingy lately. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2242 I KNOW you said you were in a band, but... 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2243 You may be neurotic, but at least you're not all hands. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2244 Why are you so crabby today? 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2245 Yes, it's #MeToo shaming. just behave yourself. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2246 You’re a hot mess Rob. I’m going to need a bib. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2247 You need to get a grip. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2248 No, my dad was not impressed with your firm handshake. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2249 I miss foreplay. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2250 I suppose it beats "I forgot my wallet"... 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2251 Why are you upset? I'm the one who should be in a crabby mood! 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2252 You really need to read the description of the Specials more carefully. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2253 Your turning into someone I hardly recognize. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2254 Pinch me! I must be dreaming! 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2255 I'm steaming mad. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2256 You told me the will had a clause for you. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2257 Did you have to tell my mother that I bring out the crustacean in you like nobody else? 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2258 Don't you snap your fingers at me, mister! 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2259 How vain of that shrimp saying that you claud at her! 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2260 Just to be clear, going to Red Lobster was your idea. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2261 Everything with you is one step forward and two steps back. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2262 I can't believe the Fightin Lobsters turned the ball over in the 4th. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2263 Ugh, at the very least, you could've shaved. 1.2586 0.03798 116 92 21 3
2264 I love you, but no more affectionate pinches on the butt 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2265 What am I suppose to think when you could have opted for ankle bracelet monitoring? 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2266 I TOLD you Allison was allergic to seafood! 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2267 I understand it's a Maine thing, but we live in New York. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2268 I hate when you snap your fingers at me. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2269 Would it kill you to lend a hand once in a while? 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2270 Having your tail done before your claws is pure vanity. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2271 If it's cold enough for your fancy mittens, put on long pants. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2272 You had to stir the pot, didn't you? 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2273 No, I told you. I can't go to dinner with you. I'm Jewish! 1.2586 0.05354 116 94 14 8
2274 Okay but I'm not wearing the bib. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2275 You idiot! I said "frustration" not "crustacean"! 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2276 eHarmony spelled it "Claude", dammit. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2277 I should have asked for a full body pic before swiping right... 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2278 and you think I am a crab... 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2279 Gosh, I thought this will be some romantic outing. If you don't want to hold my hand, just say so! 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2280 Don't be like Melania! 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2281 Yes dear, I said that I loved lobster, but not the masquerading kind! 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2282 We're never going back to that sushi restaurant again. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2283 Bigger is not better 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2284 I can do crabby just as well as you without the paraphernalia. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2285 For the last time, I don't want a back rub. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2286 You should have just taken the to-go box. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2287 But I told you I would be no good with chopsticks. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2288 I caught you... 1.2586 0.05354 116 94 14 8
2289 That wasn’t the clause they were referring to. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2290 You're just mad because I look good. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2291 I still think you should have gone with the Santa claws. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2292 It's not you, it's me. I'm allergic to shellfish. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2293 You can't even carry my shopping bags 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2294 I said selfish, not shellfish. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2295 Planning on clawing your way to the top? 1.2586 0.05492 116 95 12 9
2296 I just can’t take these snap decisions. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2297 Well, I think the surgery was a success. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2298 I can't believe you ate your half-brother 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2299 When we were dating I liked being pinched, but it's getting old. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2300 You could've just bought the flippers. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2301 You could have mentioned that you self identify as a crustacean. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2302 You don't have to be so crabby all the time. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2303 Well, you were right. You said this time you wouldn't end up half man half fly. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2304 Well I’d love to try that new steakhouse if you weren’t such a penny pincer 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2305 Jerry, the issue isn’t that you couldn’t find it... 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2306 You look like a scavenger! 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2307 You’ve changed since we first met 1.2586 0.04263 116 87 28 1
2308 I don’t know why you’re offended. I said “keep your paws off me” 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2309 You ate a whole Maine lobster in record time and so it was free. We all get it, Larry. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2310 Right now I could see you with melted butter. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2311 No, a "pair of ragged claws" don't make you seem literate at all. 1.2586 0.05627 116 96 10 10
2312 I can't wait to watch you pee..... 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2313 Well we’re definitely getting you a pedicure somewhere else! 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2314 I thought you’d do in a pinch. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2315 I’m still not having you over for dinner 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2316 OK, “Sea monster” crossed the line, But you were rather snappy 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2317 I'm not really comfortable with PDA... 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2318 Yes, I'm steamed! I thought you'd be an authority on that. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2319 I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you didn't wear sunscreen. 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2320 If you didn't want to hold my hand you should have just said. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2321 And you wait until now to tell me that you can't use chop-sticks? 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2322 Just remember to keep your hands to yourself! 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2323 No, I will not hold your hand. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2324 Like I said, I’ve already asked my parents to leave the hot tub covered during our visit this year. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2325 I keep telling you that you need to come out of your shell. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2326 It's not you, it's me. . .and that I hate your claws. 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
2327 And you are a penny pincher too 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2328 Why do you always have to ask for melted butter? 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2329 Think you are going a little overboard to crack this case 1.2586 0.04263 116 87 28 1
2330 I'm sorry, Dave, but we're having you de-clawed. 1.2586 0.05066 116 91 18 6
2331 ...and I’m sick of you always saying that you’ll get things done “in a pinch.” 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2332 That went poorly--why did you have to shake my dad's hand? 1.2586 0.04435 116 88 26 2
2333 You could have sent one picture from the wrist down. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
2334 You never give me a hand. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2335 It’s not contagious. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2336 I can't just claw my way to the top like you did. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2337 No, this is just a first date. I don’t think we should hold hands. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2338 I guess no bowling today ! 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2339 Pinch me again and I’ll pound you. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2340 It's me or the kelp granules. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
2341 Just be grateful I removed the rubber bands. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
2342 I just wish you could stop being so shellfish. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2343 You can sing that Beatle song all you want Bob, it isn’t going to happen. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
2344 That wasn't in your profile 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2345 I wouldn't be crabby if you weren't wearing your claws. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2346 I thought you would be a peel-and-eat-shrimp sort of guy. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2347 I date mobsters, not lobsters. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2348 Picky, picky, picky! 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2349 Ragged claws, scuttling the floors of silent seas,” my ass 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2350 Why are you always snapping at me? 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2351 Keep your filthy claws off of me! 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2352 And you didn't even wear a bib. 1.2583 0.04348 120 91 27 2
2353 Told you we should have used “protection.” 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2354 I should have been a subordinate clause, scuttling across a silent street. 1.2583 0.05225 120 97 15 8
2355 No, your profile said you had “an active imagination”, not “hands of a crustacean.” 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2356 Climate control, schlimate control, moving to Maine is not an option. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2357 Something smells fishy. Are you cheating on me? 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2358 I’m not picky, but you gave me maybe the worst massage ever. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2359 If you try to pet another dog, I'm buying some giant rubber bands. 1.2583 0.04013 120 94 23 3
2360 You dripped cocktail sauce on my dress. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2361 You and your excuses. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2362 It was this or our first born, Linda 1.2583 0.04348 120 91 27 2
2363 Did I ever tell you about that time I used to work at a walnut factory? 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2364 You forced me to sit through a labor law lecture just so you could stand up and make a lame 'noncompete claws' joke? 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2365 I don't mind the shorts, but couldn't you at least where a button down shirt. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2366 What makes you think the FDA drug approval process is compromised? 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2367 Ralph,when you took the rubber bands off; I thought you wanted to hold my hand! 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2368 See, I told you my mother doesn’t like East Coasters. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2369 From now on my G-Spot is off limits to you, Bud. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2370 I said I preferred you when you were cloying. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2371 I don't care what the therapist said, you've got to wear those rubber bands at night! 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2372 Yes I'm aware that they made a movie about Edward Scissorhands. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2373 You just don't hold me the way you use to. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2374 One issue is that I love to hold hands. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2375 Pinch someone else, loverboy. 1.2583 0.04099 120 97 18 5
2376 It just seems a bit shellfish to me. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2377 Goosing women is still wrong if you use those, buddy. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2378 Well, pardon me, but I thought you said you were a lawyer who worked with mobster laws..." 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2379 No, actually, I do not read David Foster Wallace. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2380 Well that was an interesting massage. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2381 Sorry Fred, I don't think this is going to work. I'm allergic to Shellfish 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2382 I wanted to go to Florida, but you had to insist on Maine. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2383 It's not you, I just prefer tails. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2384 I just wish you told you me about the procedure before I got you those nice leather gloves for your birthday. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2385 what do you mean we are meeting your family at Red Lobster? 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2386 It’s a strange way to tell me that you can’t use your credit card this weekend for my shopping! 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2387 I AM––I am keeping my paws off of you. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
2388 At least you don’t have clammy hands. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2389 I don’t think I’m being unreasonable because I refuse to wear the bib in bed. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2390 I knew there was something fishy about your dating profile 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2391 I just wish you could have dressed a little better to meet my Mother. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2392 It's not my fault. They're not retractable. 1.2583 0.05358 120 98 13 9
2393 They better be oven-mitts and not mutations. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2394 How's the moiel business? 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2395 It’s just that every time we see Janet and Ted, the claws come out. 1.2583 0.04183 120 90 29 1
2396 When I asked you to shake his hand in a snap, I did not expect you to cut it off. 1.2583 0.04733 120 96 18 6
2397 I'm not willing to give up surf and turf for you. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2398 ...And here I told my mother that you'd graduated from law school 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2399 Yeah, your profile said you are from Maine. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2400 I just wish you'd let me order lobster once in a while. 1.2583 0.04348 120 91 27 2
2401 From now on, if anyone calls them claws instead of pincers, just suck it up. 1.2583 0.04348 120 91 27 2
2402 Couldn't you have, at least, worn trousers for our special occasion? 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2403 You were paying attention to the pretty one in the lobster tank than you did me. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2404 Yes, you do pinch me in your sleep! 1.2583 0.04183 120 95 21 4
2405 You couldn't be happy just going by Rob? No, everyone has to call you 'The Robster.' 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2406 I can’t believe you even said, ‘There’s no way that’s contagious.’” 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2407 Don't think you can claw your way back into my heart. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2408 For the last time, I'm NOT going to wear a mermaid tail!!! 1.2583 0.04183 120 90 29 1
2409 You know I have an allergy, and yet you still gave in to your shellfish desires. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2410 Let me see you claw your way out of this situation 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2411 Yes, he's my boss, but you shouldn't have shaken his hand. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2412 At least I only "At least I only ACT crabby" 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
2413 What angers me is the way you handle everything so carelessly" 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2414 Look, I just feel there would have been other ways to get out of washing the dishes. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2415 Oh, so I should have just GUESSED that the Red Lobster waitress was also a Gypsy??? 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2416 I have never been so embarrassed, all you had to do was place the ring on my finger. 1.2583 0.04348 120 91 27 2
2417 Would you mind if we kept more of an arms length relationship? 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2418 You need to put the rubber bands back on. That guy you shook hands with might sue." 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2419 It's fine, I guess walnuts are just more important than me. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
2420 Very funny. When I said to keep your paws off me I meant it categorically! 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
2421 I can't believe you gave me crabs." 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
2422 I just wish I hadn't caught you. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
2423 Just once you could meet someone and not say "Let's shake on it!" 1.2564 0.04567 117 90 24 3
2424 We'll settle this over dinner. 1.2542 0.04371 118 90 26 2
2425 And another thing. When we talk about money stop referring to dollars as clams. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2426 Yeah? well my pussy's market price, and there's a 45 minute wait. 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2427 Just keep your claws to yourself! 1.2542 0.04371 118 90 26 2
2428 Simmer down? Can't you sea I'm crabby because you're being shellfish? 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2429 After dating for six months, I thought you were ready for a more intimate physical relationship. I was wrong. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2430 The last time we held hands I lost a finger. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2431 So, how'd you manage the right swipe? I should have known your profile was too good to be true... 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2432 Enough of your Method acting. Ted was just trying to shake hands. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2433 A free wish and you go with lobster claws? 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2434 You're behaving so shellfishly 1.2542 0.05272 118 96 14 8
2435 Those stupid lobster pills were supposed to improve your memory. 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2436 No! I'm not going to go home and put butter on your claws... I have a headache. 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2437 It's not that I don't like you personally Jonathan, it's just that I've finally decided to go kosher. 1.2542 0.04202 118 89 28 1
2438 So you clawed your way to the top. I'm supposed to be impressed? 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2439 I told you to stop pinching me! 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2440 Your clawing days are over, buddy! 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2441 Any court in the land would agree with me, it's never just a "little pinch"! 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2442 Your back rubs are terrible now. 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2443 For a free consultation call 1-800-LOBSTER-HANDS. Operators are standing by. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2444 So, what? You aren't going to hold my hand? 1.2542 0.04202 118 89 28 1
2445 Is it too much to ask that you--just once--touch me without clawing at me!? 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2446 I'm done with snapchat. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2447 Damn that auto-correct! On my dating profile I typed that I secretly like ‘mobster’ -types, not ‘lobster’-types. 1.2542 0.05272 118 96 14 8
2448 I bet if I'd pinched YOUR ass at the party you'd have scream, too! 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2449 Using a little moisturizer wouldn't kill you. 1.2542 0.04026 118 88 30 0
2450 My therapist thinks there should be less foreplay. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2451 Your profile on Bumble said you had clammy hands. 1.2542 0.04371 118 90 26 2
2452 I told you not to wear red! 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2453 Trying to claw your way back into my heart isn't working. 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2454 Didn't I tell you not to shake my father's hand so hard. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2455 Butterfingers! 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2456 Well, who's stopping you from scuttling across the ocean floor? 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2457 I know, I know... you identify as a lobster. But can you stop pinching me then? 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2458 I will say this: your Tinder photo was artfully cropped. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2459 They keep me from biting my nails. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2460 Oh yeah, I'm going to show you a real slow boil. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2461 Darling, I told you I was strickly Kosher. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2462 Okay, okay. We should have gone to Maine on vacation. Now let it go. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2463 I said I wanted a prenuptial clause. You never listen. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2464 Fine, nothing but a bib, birthday boy. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2465 You had one wish and you had to be a Flamenco artist? 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2466 You really need a better superhero name than lobster man. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2467 You always turn into a crab when I take you shopping. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2468 I guess I understand, but I still think it's rude that you don't open doors for me. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2469 You always have to make a show! I mean, who cuts up spaghetti?!! 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2470 Wish I could figure out how you were able to post your profile on Tinder 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2471 Yes, they look delicious, but I still won't go to the Halloween party as "Dish of Melted Butter." 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2472 So long as it's not crabs, do you wanna Netflix and chill tonight? 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2473 I told you not to grow that beard! 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
2474 I was prepared for 'middle crisis" to mean an affair or a corvette, but this? 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2475 I do love Lobster Thermidor, but I still won't marry you! 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2476 That was my sister. I told you to keep your claws off her. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2477 Why would I marry someone named Larry 1.2542 0.05272 118 96 14 8
2478 Not only were you handsy, you drew blood. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2479 You might want to forget about going to dental school. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
2480 I’m about to snap. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
2481 You're extremely irritating when you get crabby. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2482 From now on, just say, ‘Nice to meet you’, okay? 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2483 It’s not Kafkaesque, it’s just annoying and I’m not the one that’s snapping. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2484 You just aren't happy unless you have your claws in everything. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2485 Yes, I know they're cheaper in the summer, but I am certainly not going to spend my entire day shopping for winter gloves. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2486 With the cost of EpiPens, I just don't think this relationship is going to work. 1.2522 0.04251 115 87 27 1
2487 My codependent therapist is going to eat this up. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2488 At least my ex only had clammy hands 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2489 You're a nice guy and all, but I think I need someone with opposable thumbs." Anders Bengtson, Minneapolis, MN 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2490 Yes, I bought a new handbag. One handbag. How many sweaters have you ruined the sleeves of *this week*?" 1.2522 0.04512 115 91 20 4
2491 I warned you not to order the GMO lobster. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2492 Your pictures on Bumble were very misleading. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2493 Just because I said they make me want to dip you in butter doesn't mean you have to wear them everywhere. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2494 Maybe the hot tub will put me in the mood. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2495 You've changed. You weren't always this crabby. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2496 Are you serious? You are in a movie called “Edward Lobster-hands”! 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2497 Try not to shake hands when you meet my parents. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2498 You know, when they say "Lobstafest", it's about the food. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2499 I suppose I have to send all the holiday cards again this year? 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2500 You pinch me one more time with those stupid claws of yours and I’ll be having some drawn butter with them. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2501 Eating with your hands goes beyond the pale... 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2502 I know you hate them, but the rubber bands are there for a reason. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2503 You'll never be EDWARD !!! 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2504 All I said was, let's go for sushi. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2505 Michael, I do not accept that you were transformed by our summer vacation in Maine. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2506 I thought you said your research wouldn't have any negative effects. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2507 Don't get snappy with me 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2508 I get it, you think I’m crabby... 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2509 That outfit says "I've clawed my way to the bottom." 1.2522 0.05502 115 95 11 9
2510 Really? Your justification is 'They're not crab hands, they're lobster hands...' 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2511 Don't you dare snap at me! 1.2522 0.05362 115 94 13 8
2512 It's sort of difficult for me to fully explain Except, for the time being, I'd rather not hold hands with you. 1.2522 0.04067 115 86 29 0
2513 If you can't handle a puppy, how are we ever going to have kids? 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2514 I thought you said "clause" not "claws." 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2515 You should have told me you were lousy at bowling. Really! How hard is it to say, "Marg,! I'm all thumbs". 1.2522 0.04339 115 90 22 3
2516 I'm all in favor of you self-actualizing as a crustacean, but you really need to pay that woman's doctor bill. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2517 You're always so picky! 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2518 I'm supposed to give up shellfish entirely because you THINK your great grandfather MAY have been a lobster? I want to see that 23andMe report. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2519 I don't care what all of your hipster friends are wearing, they look ridiculous. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2520 There is no such thing as LGBTCrustacean. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2521 I think you're missing the point of the Me Too movement. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2522 You can't say 'that could be my cousin' every time we eat at Red Lobster. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2523 Not only are they a turn-off, they are violation of the emoluments claws. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2524 Stop complaining! The jacuzzi was not too hot . 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2525 Jeez, I said declawed-not neutered! 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2526 Can you hail the taxi? 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2527 Yeah... I get it, Claude. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2528 You enhance the wrong appendage dummy! 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2529 I told ya, eating at Red Lobster's always costs a lot. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2530 If I only had a nutcracker... 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2531 I'm a feminist, but I wish you could open your own doors. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2532 They could have told us they were allergic to shellfish before inviting us over. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2533 I think they already know you’re from Maine. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2534 Did I mention, my horoscope sign is Cancer. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2535 Now I know why all your Tinder photos were taken from the waist up. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2536 Look, keep your claws off of Pamela, or I’ll have to bring the rubber bands on again... 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2537 When you're out in public you' re supposed to have to have the rubber bands on. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2538 How come we never hold hands? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2539 Your wooing tactics are a little heavy-handed. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2540 Just stay away from boiling water. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2541 I don't care how warm it's getting. We're not moving to Canada! 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2542 You know there are less embarrassing ways to stop smoking. 1.2522 0.05362 115 94 13 8
2543 No Jerry, I think it is going to take more than gloves to help our relationship. 1.2522 0.04251 115 87 27 1
2544 There has to be a way for us to hold hands without you snapping at me. 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2545 I guess I've just had it with your 'hands-off' approach to life. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2546 When I think that you cannot even swim! 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2547 I’m getting tired of having sex with butter. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2548 If you're going to take my Alexander McQueen lobster claw heels to wear out, at least put them on your feet. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2549 The episode aired over twenty years ago, and besides, Ross was never even good for her. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2550 Who says "I should have been a pair of ragged claws. Scuttling across the floors of silent seas." to a GENIE? 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2551 I need you to transfer out of research, and tell me the symptoms are reversible. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2552 Obviously, you just can't wait to get your claws into me. 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2553 Botox is different! You are just being contrary Gary. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2554 Oh yea, you’ll tell me next your morphing into Santa Claws 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2555 You just had to wave at your friends in front of my friends! 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2556 And I'm the one who's being crabby? 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2557 I don't care if they're your hands, you can't bring shellfish to a Hanukkah dinner. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2558 You should see my brother's. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2559 I don’t get it......Edward Scissorhands you loved! I thought “Cory Crab Claws” would thrill you! 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2560 Why do you do this when we go for seafood? 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2561 Well it looks like you're done. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2562 It wasn't polite for you to grab her by her exoskeleton. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2563 Snap at me again, Larry, and you'll really be in hot water! 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2564 ”When the dating-app people warned me I might find an unusual clause or two, I guess I should have taken them more literally. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2565 When I said 'I'll have the lobster' this isn't what I meant. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2566 I kept telling you not to bite your nails, but -- no -- you wouldn't listen. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2567 You really know how to claw your way out of dinner with my parents 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2568 That's not what they meant by "morality clause." 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2569 When I suggested satiating your midlife crisis, I meant get a Harley or something. You KNOW that I'm kosher! 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2570 If I’ve told you once I’ve told a million times, Don’t PINCH them! 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2571 Jeez, some pro shop! You’d think that was the first time anyone asked them to drill holes in a bowling ball. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2572 You’ve hit rock bottom. I’m not giving you a hand this time. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2573 I couldn't see your hands on the dating site, but actually they're kind of cute. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2574 well, they keep growing back BIGGER! 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2575 It's not going to work - I'm allergic to shellfish. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2576 For the last time, No! I will not go to your place to watch Deadliest Catch! 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2577 Do that again and it's the nutcracker for you. 1.2522 0.04678 115 92 18 5
2578 Ted, I told you going as Edward Lobsterhands wouldn't be funny. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2579 And you think I’m the one who’s crabby? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2580 All I'm saying is you're never gonna find a decent manicurist this far below 23rd 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2581 I think I'll have a headache tonight. 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2582 If you ever meet another genie be more specific. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2583 You said it’s a nice seafood place, so I dressed up. What’s the problem? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2584 I said I caught you red-handed 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2585 So what else did you do in Maine. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2586 I'm crabby? You're one to talk! 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2587 So what exactly is so great about the floors of silent seas, anyway? 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2588 Stop it. You know full well why your parents named you Claudius. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2589 You're hard to handle when you get crabby. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2590 You didn't realize when you ordered that our waiter was also a genie? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2591 You said crabs wasn’t contagious. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2592 Get over it. Our Maine vacation is over. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2593 That’s it! You’re not going to any more parties without your rubber bands. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2594 I‘m pretty sure you said “Get Out Clause”. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2595 Sometimes I wish you COULD manhandle me! 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2596 For the second time, your hands are NOT clammy! 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2597 If you’re the surf, I suppose that makes me the turf!? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2598 Then you claw back what you can. Got it? 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2599 The steam room at the gym is way too hot, don't you think? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2600 It was fun at first, Finley, but you are always so crabby. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2601 I just always thought you’d get declawed. 1.2522 0.04426 115 88 25 2
2602 Why couldn't 'Love Shack' be your favorite song? 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2603 I used to love when you touched me 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2604 I told you there’d be bad side effects to that new drug. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2605 Not again, Tinder. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2606 Must you always knock the butter off the table, Larry? 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2607 I don't care that you're transforming, Harry. I do care you ate all the seafood dip at the Millers. 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
2608 If I'm being honest, you look a lot more in-shape in your profile pictures. 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
2609 You should have told me Gregor Samsa was your cousin. 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2610 You can come up, but we're not going past first base. 1.2500 0.04219 116 88 27 1
2611 Honney, I'm sorry I snapped at you. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2612 Good luck getting to second base. 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
2613 I can't believe you didn't clap once at my show! 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2614 All right! Quadrille lessons are out. 1.2500 0.05177 116 94 15 7
2615 The butter up isn't working. 1.2500 0.04484 112 86 24 2
2616 You didn't have to set everyone's dinners free. 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
2617 No, you can't claw your way back! 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
2618 Must you offer to crack the crab legs for the entire restaurant? 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2619 So this was what the “big surprise” was to call me away from work? 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
2620 You should be scuttling across the floors of silent seas. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2621 No! I will absolutely not give you the name of my manicurist. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2622 I thought I could break through your hard shell to the good man underneath. I was wrong. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2623 Feels good to get the rubberbands off. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2624 You DO understand? No more cuddling. 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
2625 Spare me your excuses; I caught you red handed. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2626 Maine-iac, Maine-iac, MAINE-iac. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2627 Right. You “had” to pinch her. 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2628 Don't deny it. I caught you red-handed! 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2629 Why do I always have to pick up the check? 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2630 I don’t care that we already met our deductible, elective surgery is still surgery. 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
2631 When I said I wanted to date a lobsterman, this is NOT what I had in mind 1.2500 0.04484 112 86 24 2
2632 I didn't believe you when you said that you'd clawed your way to success. 1.2500 0.04207 112 87 23 2
2633 A handshake? You couldn't have just high-fived? 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
2634 I guarantee you won't ever get to second base! 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2635 Great experiment! I can never eat crustaceans again. 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
2636 I told the waiter I just wanted lobster claws, but I think he misunderstood me. 1.2500 0.05306 112 91 14 7
2637 You never should have asked my sister if you could hold the baby - and offering her a back rub only made things worse! 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2638 Turns out 'crabby' isn't a good look on either of us. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2639 There's no talking to you when you're being crabby. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2640 You said you wouldn't wear those to meet Mother. 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
2641 Nothing's been the same with us ever since you clawed your way to the top. 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
2642 You just had to have that extra week in Maine. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
2643 I do get so tired of your clawing at me sometimes. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
2644 I told you Harry, either a man hug or a peck on the cheek will do just fine." 1.2478 0.04624 113 88 22 3
2645 I really think you shouldn’t wear those to job interviews. 1.2478 0.04450 113 87 24 2
2646 You coulda just waved. 1.2478 0.04624 113 88 22 3
2647 I always find a nice fountain. I always supply the proper coin. I don't see why it's always you who gets your wish. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
2648 I hate when you get snappy. 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
2649 They make me a much better goalie 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
2650 But you told me you like lobster. 1.2478 0.05263 113 92 14 7
2651 Those shorts are telling the wrong color story. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
2652 I think you’re just being hard headed. Or soft headed. 1.2478 0.04269 113 86 26 1
2653 You're getting more shellfish by the day. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
2654 Another fashion statement? 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
2655 Why are you acting so crabby? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
2656 Stop being crabby. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
2657 But I don't want to be in a roll. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
2658 Have you tried being less clingy? 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
2659 You never even shave anymore. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
2660 You haven't touched me in weeks. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2661 Rubber bands last night was your idea 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2662 Stay away from my boobs! 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2663 Did you really just say better red than spread? 1.2456 0.04237 114 87 26 1
2664 Delicious, yes. Practical, no. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2665 How could you be so shellfish? 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2666 I told you to use sunscreen, but no, you went for the melted butter! 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2667 Christ, Jerry, can’t you wait for Halloween? 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2668 Well, so much for clawing your way to the top. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2669 So this is what you meant by "Just call me Claude" ... 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2670 Do you have to wear them even in bed - you know? 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2671 If you want to hold hands it's going to have to be the soft, rubbery inside part... 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2672 Now you're making ME crabby! 1.2456 0.05222 114 93 14 7
2673 I don't know what makes you think this will go any better than your audition for the lead in Edward Scissorhands! 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2674 You calling me a crab? 1.2456 0.04237 114 87 26 1
2675 I told you not to forget the nutcracker 1.2456 0.05222 114 93 14 7
2676 I don't think I can ever eat lobster again after this. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2677 I don’t think that’s the best way to crawl your way to the top. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2678 Don't worry - I'll think of some way to get you out of your shell." 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2679 This is what i get from a fisherman's dating site. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2680 Sorry Tim, but I'm allergic to shellfish. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2681 Soft shell my ass! 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2682 You didn't have to snap at me like that when I spilled the drawn butter on you. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2683 FOR lobster, Kevin. It said I like going out FOR lobster. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2684 I caught you red-handed. You are SO in hot water. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2685 I just don't like it when you snap at me. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2686 I told you on Tinder ... I'm Santa Claws. 1.2456 0.05222 114 93 14 7
2687 Try as you might I still think you're too handsy. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2688 Why do always have to be so crabby ? 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2689 Damn, I forgot the rubber bands again. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2690 First you had the crabs, now you've got the lobsters. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2691 I told you not to watch that Yorgos Lanthimos film again... 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2692 Okay, wear the bib. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2693 It was so embarrassing when you asked for that extra vat of butter sauce. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2694 Next time keep your hands to yourself. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2695 If I told you once, I told you a thousand times "Don't pinch my butt!" 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2696 There’s more than one way to claw your way to the top. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2697 I just don't know why you have to be so grabby all the time. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2698 I told you to stop pinching my ass in public. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2699 Don't even think about it tonight. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2700 I don't see the big deal with Edward Scissorhands" 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2701 All I said is I want crab for dinner, and you took it that personally 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2702 Don't ever pinch me again! 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
2703 No I’m still sore from the last time we held hands”.. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2704 I expected you to paw me, not claw me. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2705 Just pinch my ass one more time... 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2706 Don't tell me that kiss was innocent. I