Contest #677


Cartoon

677

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “The ahi. Not the canned.”
  2. “You will obey my every whim. Oh, wait—you already do.”
  3. “Look what I dragged in.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-09-15T21:24:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-09-29T21:31:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-09-23T21:28:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued September 30, 2019
Number of captions 3144
Number of responses 692234
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 The leftover salmon. Into my dish. You will remember nothing. 2.1021 0.00704 10695 2363 4885 3447
1 Must....return....new....puppy... 2.0402 0.00754 9962 2637 4292 3033
2 Remember all the times I ran into the wall chasing that red dot? Who's laughing now, Gary? 2.0237 0.00785 10391 3207 3732 3452
3 Now it is I who will post videos of you on the internet. 1.9251 0.00844 8761 3093 3235 2433
4 For 13 years Fred inexplicably woke up with fingertips that smelled like tuna. 1.9227 0.00814 8914 3016 3577 2321
5 The ahi. Not the canned. 1.9227 0.00783 9102 2952 3915 2235
6 Having nine lives: awesome. Controlling one human: priceless. 1.9205 0.00849 8780 3164 3155 2461
7 When you wake, you won't miss the dog, the new kitten, or the liver pate. 1.9196 0.00823 8570 2877 3513 2180
8 Why we never heard much about Pavlov's cat. 1.9190 0.00897 8024 2962 2759 2303
9 Your fish is my command. 1.8478 0.01147 4815 1948 1652 1215
10 You will not vote for someone who "grabs em' by the pussy. 1.8373 0.00980 7456 3388 1899 2169
11 Whenever I am in the kitchen, it's time to feed the cat. Whenever I am in the kitchen, it's time... 1.8364 0.00892 7053 2662 2888 1503
12 Repeat after me, I will never again dress my cat for Halloween. 1.8289 0.01071 5317 2162 1906 1249
13 That's right: just open the fridge, put the tuna salad on the floor and walk away. 1.8167 0.00907 6297 2335 2789 1173
14 You will obey my every whim. Oh wait, you already do. 1.8132 0.00998 6093 2537 2162 1394
15 Excellent. Now get the dog, get in the car, and drive it back to the shelter. 1.7989 0.00932 6519 2649 2538 1332
16 When you awake you will forget you have fed me. 1.7906 0.00880 7134 2887 2860 1387
17 Schroedinger's cat liked to keep Keith awake and asleep at the same time. 1.7660 0.01269 4085 1933 1175 977
18 Catatonic State 1.7613 0.01274 3754 1699 1252 803
19 As it was in ancient Egypt, so shall it be on East 48th. 1.7342 0.01119 4650 2149 1593 908
20 Who's got the laser pointer now? 1.7339 0.01107 4577 2065 1669 843
21 Of course, being a cat, Mr. Fluffy never used his powers for good. 1.7325 0.01080 5106 2406 1668 1032
22 You will open the door, you will open a can of cat food, you will taste the cat food, and see if YOU think it tastes like tuna. 1.7280 0.01314 3397 1584 1153 660
23 Artie couldn't figure out why he was so tired every morning, and the cat was never hungry. 1.7009 0.01383 2862 1344 1032 486
24 Purrfect.. now take the tuna fish out of the refrigerator... and put the dog in the freezer. 1.7007 0.01429 2957 1467 908 582
25 You never thought I’d actually catch the laser, did you Tom? 1.6812 0.01359 3218 1637 972 609
26 Open the frig door, Hal. 1.6805 0.01393 3039 1537 936 566
27 Frank would come to regret adopting a cat at the area 51 meetup. 1.6798 0.01565 2486 1282 718 486
28 I will uncage the canary...I will uncage the canary... 1.6700 0.01088 4294 2039 1635 620
29 ...and you will continue to believe that your are the boss" 1.6654 0.01178 3835 1894 1337 604
30 Small can, lower shelf 1.6645 0.02628 754 365 277 112
31 The dog peed on the carpet. The dog hates you. The dog must go! 1.6484 0.01374 2790 1398 975 417
32 Dave couldn't explain why, he just knew he was a cat person. 1.6367 0.01869 1547 801 507 239
33 When I say 'meow', you will feed me liver pate from Katz's Deli. 1.6356 0.01355 2895 1489 972 434
34 Now, YOU use the litter box. 1.6281 0.01479 2603 1410 753 440
35 We built the pyramids this way as well. 1.6193 0.01680 1944 1044 596 304
36 The aliens discovered that taking the form of this fuzzy master breed got them food, shelter, free rein to study the humans with nothing asked in return. And they could bite them every now and then. 1.6187 0.01908 1558 852 448 258
37 Look what I dragged in. 1.6164 0.01752 1822 993 535 294
38 Yes, that’s it. Now open the door and hand me the tuna... 1.6134 0.01106 3872 1965 1443 464
39 There's always something the animal shelter fails to mention 1.6104 0.01534 2220 1181 723 316
40 Andrew Lloyd Webber, this is your conscience speaking, you should write a musical about cats, you should write a musical about cats, you should write a musical about cats, you should wr... 1.6091 0.01546 2251 1217 697 337
41 I wish I'd discovered this power eight lives ago. 1.6069 0.01586 2101 1130 667 304
42 Pinning this on Ambien was genius. 1.5864 0.02156 1158 650 337 171
43 After years of failed attempts to operate the can opener when he wanted a midnight snack, Felix finally turned to the occult. 1.5829 0.01697 1863 1050 540 273
44 And when I snap my fingers you'll . . . . oh, damn. 1.5814 0.01704 1971 1149 498 324
45 The dog is a liar, a gossip, and a climate change denier...the dog is a liar, a gossip, and a climate change denier... 1.5582 0.01666 1779 1013 542 224
46 Open tuna. Leave on counter. Put the dog out. 1.5552 0.01507 1967 1079 687 201
47 Must free sardines from can. 1.5548 0.01953 1249 699 407 143
48 Frank never could figure out why he was always out of tuna. 1.5541 0.01599 1877 1055 604 218
49 You have served me well tonight; you may pour yourself a saucer of wine. 1.5533 0.01715 1755 1020 499 236
50 One meow and you will find me irresistible. Two meows and you will accept my superiority. Three meows and you will feed me. 1.5486 0.02073 1132 646 351 135
51 Get milk. Pour in bowl. Set on floor. Scratch the back of cat's neck. Sleep on the edge of the bed to make room for cat. Repeat 1.5466 0.01865 1310 730 444 136
52 Well, look what the cat dragged in. 1.5453 0.01821 1568 926 429 213
53 OK, excellent, excellent. Now, when I snap my fingers ... oh, rats. 1.5422 0.03186 557 343 126 88
54 Must...open...birdcage. 1.5419 0.01763 1565 903 476 186
55 Now bring me what I demand, so I may reject it in disintrest. 1.5389 0.02130 1158 694 304 160
56 When you awake, all you'll remember is that all of the meat and fish is for me, and all of the chocolate is for the dog. 1.5384 0.01898 1447 865 385 197
57 Day 2: Mastery over the human is complete. 1.5379 0.02054 1134 654 350 130
58 And tomorrow you will blame everything on the Ambien 1.5336 0.01865 1385 807 417 161
59 ...and then you’ll post the dog on Craigslist. 1.5311 0.02015 1190 697 354 139
60 You better hope there's milk in there; otherwise, we're going for a drive. 1.5299 0.01893 1304 760 399 145
61 You will not have me fixed! 1.5292 0.02199 1011 597 293 121
62 Neuter, bad. Drop sushi on floor, good. 1.5289 0.01883 1299 749 413 137
63 Must...sell...dog... 1.5259 0.01945 1257 738 377 142
64 When I awake, I will let you out. Then in. Then out. . . 1.5237 0.02019 1180 701 341 138
65 Yes, Chairman Meow. 1.5223 0.02266 1011 619 256 136
66 What do you think of your laser pointer now, Carl? 1.5221 0.02061 1155 691 325 139
67 You will serve me the leftover salmon and think YOU ate it when you awaken. 1.5209 0.02027 1150 679 343 128
68 Cat’s diary: day 253 “Success! The servant now sees me for the deity I am”. 1.5198 0.02111 1137 692 299 146
69 Security cameras finally exonerate Phil as the culprit in Muffy's troublesome weight gain. 1.5188 0.02116 1118 678 300 140
70 Dave, cats don't need neutering. Dave, cats don't need neutering. Dave, cats don't need neutering. 1.5121 0.02102 1033 618 304 111
71 When I say 'meow,' you will put that seared salmon with the creamy avocado remoulade in my bowl and return to bed. 1.5112 0.02161 1025 618 290 117
72 So, ,this is a Cat scan!!!!! 1.5107 0.02199 1026 628 272 126
73 Pâte, pâte, pâté... 1.5105 0.02977 574 355 145 74
74 You could rule the world and you settle for tuna. 1.5038 0.02451 927 602 183 142
75 When I awake, I will cancel the vet appointment. 1.5033 0.02207 914 543 282 89
76 Schrödinger's cat lived, and used her newfound powers for experiments of her own 1.5028 0.02318 903 555 242 106
77 When you wake tomorrow you will feel refreshed...and feed me any time I rub against your leg. 1.5017 0.02265 891 536 263 92
78 Come here and repeat after me... “I will not buy vegan salmon pate ever again.” 1.5006 0.02393 849 524 225 100
79 This is so much more effective than meowing. 1.5006 0.02308 871 528 250 93
80 Schrodinger's Cat gets his revenge 1.4988 0.02352 866 533 234 99
81 Now do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around. 1.4988 0.02387 838 515 228 95
82 Come hither so I may reject you. 1.4977 0.02380 858 532 225 101
83 Barring a few such instances, we consider the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone pet foster program to have been a rousing success. 1.4976 0.02425 850 533 211 106
84 You will worship my indifference. You will worship my indifference. 1.4964 0.02355 836 510 237 89
85 Tonight, the lemon pasta with a white Bordeaux. 1.4958 0.02346 837 510 239 88
86 You will put the leftover salmon in my dish and then carry me upstairs on a silk cushion and place me on your bed. 1.4939 0.02426 814 505 216 93
87 The tuunnaaaa..... You will open the tuunnnaaaa.... 1.4925 0.02290 798 472 259 67
88 If only catching mice were this easy. 1.4918 0.02432 791 488 217 86
89 Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber gets an idea for a new musical. 1.4899 0.02502 741 457 205 79
90 You have an irresistible desire to open a can of tuna and leave it on the counter. 1.4887 0.02348 753 447 244 62
91 Who's a good human? 1.4884 0.02569 688 422 196 70
92 My dish is your command! 1.4871 0.02541 737 461 193 83
93 Dave suddenly realized the lines between cat ownership and cat servitude are very blurry. 1.4867 0.02431 752 459 220 73
94 And buy me the wild salmon this time. 1.4831 0.02474 712 434 212 66
95 Got your tongue, now your mind. 1.4797 0.02568 688 428 190 70
96 Yes, now that's a good human. Come tell Mr. Whiskers where you've hid the treats. 1.4794 0.02607 680 426 182 72
97 From now on, any damage that may occur around the house you will blame on the dog. 1.4785 0.02470 673 405 214 54
98 That’s right, Dr. Schrödinger, I am indeed counterintuitive. 1.4777 0.02656 651 408 175 68
99 Unbeknownst to Carl, Mr. Sneakers had an ulterior motive for being in his lap during every weight-loss hypnosis video sessions. 1.4766 0.02568 663 409 192 62
100 How PetSmart got its name. 1.4754 0.02726 631 400 162 69
101 You will feed the kitty. You will not remember this, and when you wake up you will feed the kitty again. 1.4735 0.02627 642 400 180 62
102 Horace's instinct that this rescue cat was different from all the others appears to be correct. 1.4733 0.02626 636 395 181 60
103 He never suspected a counter attack! 1.4731 0.02786 632 409 147 76
104 You will open the Sicilian tuna packed in olive oil.... 1.4721 0.02634 627 389 180 58
105 Feed cat...Kill dog. 1.4709 0.02833 618 403 139 76
106 OK, I put the dog out in the rain. What next? 1.4702 0.02612 621 383 184 54
107 The day Mr. Boots assumed complete control of the relationship. 1.4686 0.02807 606 391 146 69
108 I got you out here, now I will just ignore you. 1.4685 0.02745 604 383 159 62
109 Your....dish....is....my....command..... 1.4657 0.03017 496 315 131 50
110 You will place whipped cream beside me, you will return to your bed, you will remember nothing. 1.4654 0.02623 593 364 182 47
111 Must...make...salmon...milkshake... 1.4646 0.02809 579 370 149 60
112 You never considered what would happen if I caught the laser pointer. 1.4643 0.02928 575 378 127 70
113 The vet said there would be some side effects. 1.4629 0.02824 553 350 150 53
114 Place the tuna on the counter and go to bed. 1.4617 0.02806 561 356 151 54
115 So Andy’s bafflement regarding his inability to keep enough cat food in his apartment continued. 1.4597 0.02906 509 321 142 46
116 I wish I had a cell phone-- this would be so cute on YouTube! 1.4592 0.02922 551 359 131 61
117 Not the kibble in the drawer, the caviar in the refrigerator 1.4589 0.02786 547 344 155 48
118 The best part is, even without these powers I could STILL get him to do whatever I want. 1.4586 0.02872 543 348 141 54
119 When I count to three you will forget that you were hypnotized. But first, remove the heavy glass cover from the aquarium... 1.4584 0.03300 421 272 105 44
120 If I just had a thumb, I wouldn't have to do all this. 1.4579 0.02753 546 341 160 45
121 Toasted bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon Smoked Salmon SMOKED SALMON! 1.4576 0.02779 542 340 156 46
122 Caviar, dish, floor. Caviar, dish, floor... 1.4571 0.02863 536 342 143 51
123 "I'm into great power -- but great responsibility is not really my thing." 1.4559 0.02879 522 332 142 48
124 When you wake up you will have no recollection of salmon leftovers. 1.4559 0.02824 533 337 149 47
125 (No caption necessary - it’s a funny picture, but everyone knows this is an accurate depiction of reality) 1.4551 0.03012 523 344 120 59
126 Must put the dog out. Must put the dog out. Must... 1.4538 0.02848 520 329 146 45
127 The flounder in the fridge, Fred. Right here, right now. 1.4535 0.02853 505 317 147 41
128 Now go pee in the dog's basket. 1.4529 0.03081 510 339 111 60
129 I liked it better when you manipulated me emotionally. 1.4527 0.03075 444 281 125 38
130 The exact moment Carl regretted buying "Chernobyl's best" cat food. 1.4526 0.03532 369 241 89 39
131 Cream, cream, I tell you, NOT half-and half like last time. 1.4522 0.02835 513 328 140 45
132 Greg's friends knew he was pussy-whipped. They just didn't realize it was this bad. 1.4521 0.03086 480 313 117 50
133 Who wants to follow the laser, now? 1.4502 0.03013 502 328 122 52
134 Good. Now open the door and go back to bed. 1.4500 0.02677 500 315 150 35
135 OK, now SLOWLY open the door and get the dish of cream... 1.4498 0.02823 498 311 150 37
136 Say it. Say "cats are better than dogs". 1.4498 0.02921 498 318 136 44
137 Cats are man's best friend. Cats are man's best friend... 1.4498 0.02809 498 310 152 36
138 Guess who swallowed your "hilarious" laser pointer, Todd. 1.4498 0.03096 498 331 110 57
139 It's taken me 8 lifetimes to master this! 1.4474 0.03061 485 318 117 50
140 Must . . . kill . . . Andrew Lloyd Webber. 1.4470 0.03079 481 316 115 50
141 You will open the drawer and fetch the can opener. You will open the can of tuna. You will not drain the oil. You will go back to bed and dream of me. 1.4469 0.02883 490 310 141 39
142 Obey the kitty. 1.4454 0.03187 476 320 100 56
143 Real "Wild Caught Tuna", not that canned crap..!! 1.4451 0.02965 474 303 131 40
144 Shouldn’t have neutered me. 1.4442 0.03106 466 306 113 47
145 Of course it's time to feed me again. Good boy. 1.4440 0.02969 473 308 122 43
146 My name is no longer Pickles. It is Master Darklord Of The Feline Kingdom. Also, feed me please. 1.4437 0.03065 462 300 119 43
147 ..and then you will carefully place the platter of leftover salmon on the floor and return immediately to your bed.... 1.4435 0.02878 469 294 142 33
148 Got you up, just for the halibut. 1.4433 0.02925 467 303 124 40
149 Let's see how you like chasing a light for once. 1.4433 0.03116 467 308 111 48
150 Must. Open. Cat food. 1.4428 0.02829 463 299 128 36
151 Get rid of the dog, clean the plastic box, spank your spoiled toddler, and report back for duty in 15 minutes. 1.4416 0.03124 462 305 110 47
152 Sushi grade salmon...sushi grade salmon...sushi grade salmon... 1.4416 0.03048 462 300 120 42
153 Who needs opposable thumbs? 1.4416 0.03033 462 299 122 41
154 This will definitely go viral on YouTube. 1.4404 0.03147 445 292 110 43
155 Catnip's in the top drawer. Cannabis in second. Party time. 1.4389 0.03129 442 289 112 41
156 You are a cat. You will do anything to find food. You will leave it uneaten and return to bed. 1.4388 0.03029 449 289 123 37
157 No, not hungry. I'm just bored. 1.4385 0.03168 447 296 106 45
158 Repeat after me: I'm really more of a cat person. 1.4385 0.03136 447 294 110 43
159 Tuna can. Must. Open. Tuna can. 1.4382 0.02981 445 283 129 33
160 Yet again, Joe finds himself in a catatonic state as the mysterious disappearance of chopped liver from his refrigerator continues... 1.4361 0.03132 438 287 111 40
161 Keep your hands to yourself Mr. President. 1.4360 0.03380 406 273 89 44
162 Secret Life of Pets: Kitchen Edition. 1.4355 0.03202 434 288 103 43
163 You will drop the drumstick on the floor and think you ate it yesterday 1.4355 0.03101 434 282 115 37
164 ...and when I clap my paws, you will awaken refreshed and with a sudden urge to order a ridiculous amount of catnip. 1.4351 0.02955 439 278 131 30
165 With no health coverage, at least Charles' cat scan can be done in the comfort of his own home. 1.4347 0.03503 375 252 83 40
166 Looks like the dog days are over. 1.4343 0.03034 426 277 115 34
167 Ignore Trump. Do NOT grab the pussy. 1.4326 0.03396 423 291 81 51
168 And as you relax, breathe, and find the tuna. 1.4323 0.03202 421 278 104 39
169 The Manchurian Can opener. 1.4317 0.03295 417 280 94 43
170 My first command: get rid of that dry cat food. 1.4317 0.03206 417 275 104 38
171 It wasn't the CAT-scan Bob was expecting. 1.4310 0.03318 413 278 92 43
172 I may wear a collar, but we all know who the real submissive is. 1.4310 0.03282 413 276 96 41
173 That's right-- bring those opposable thumbs right over here. 1.4300 0.03205 407 267 105 35
174 Yes, of course this is a dream, Bill. Now, give me some tuna. 1.4289 0.03055 408 268 108 32
175 I promised that I would never use my powers for personal gain, but that liter box has got to be emptied. 1.4289 0.03328 408 275 91 42
176 You meowed? 1.4282 0.03144 404 262 111 31
177 Why can't you just meow beside your food dish like other cats do? 1.4253 0.03252 395 261 100 34
178 Muffy's hypnotic powers came in handy while training her new forever servant. 1.4249 0.03419 393 268 83 42
179 Now kill the dog. 1.4249 0.03380 393 266 87 40
180 Alexa, is that you? 1.4249 0.03342 393 264 91 38
181 ...and in the morning you'll blame it all on the Russians. 1.4249 0.03342 393 264 91 38
182 Honey? I think the cat ate the laser pointer. 1.4249 0.03303 393 262 95 36
183 CAT: "MAN DO!" 1.4246 0.03507 391 271 74 46
184 I hope he doesn't use my litter box again. 1.4238 0.03278 387 256 98 33
185 Dear Diary: 4:36am. Woke suddenly with irresistible craving for canned shrimp. Again. 1.4230 0.03343 383 256 92 35
186 In an unprecedented power play, Mitsy impersonates the sound of the coffee maker and regains control of the morning schedule. 1.4222 0.03283 379 250 98 31
187 Fred blamed his wife that morning when he was forced to drink his coffee black 1.4222 0.03153 379 244 110 25
188 Yes, yes. Get the salmon. Bring the salmon. 1.4215 0.03223 382 250 103 29
189 I was having a nightmare. I was in a New Yorker cartoon! 1.4211 0.03422 380 258 84 38
190 That’s right, a few more steps. Not long now until I completely lose interest in your attention. 1.4206 0.03373 378 254 89 35
191 Who's a good boy? 1.4206 0.03414 378 256 85 37
192 Pay no attention to the cat on the counter. 1.4205 0.03266 371 243 100 28
193 You'd think you'd use your powers to open the can yourself. 1.4189 0.03529 370 255 75 40
194 The fiancé has overstayed her welcome. 1.4189 0.03403 370 249 87 34
195 You will use the litter box and see how YOU like it. 1.4189 0.03403 370 249 87 34
196 You are very hungry - you need milk - in a saucer. 1.4185 0.03394 368 247 88 33
197 You are fully under my control ... get the tuna - the albacore, not the cheap stuff. 1.4185 0.03237 368 240 102 26
198 I have forgotten that you barfed on my bed. I have forgotten that you scratched the baby. I have forgotten that you peed on the rug. I have forgotten . . . 1.4185 0.03237 368 240 102 26
199 From whence you came, you shall remain, until you are complete again... No, seriously where are my genitals? 1.4180 0.03429 366 247 85 34
200 Can't you just become Internet famous like a normal cat? 1.4174 0.03482 345 231 84 30
201 What's the matter? Cat got your free will? 1.4169 0.03464 367 250 81 36
202 The cat scan came back inconclusive 1.4160 0.03535 363 250 75 38
203 Simple somnambulism -- or latent Cat-atonia? 1.4141 0.03315 355 234 95 26
204 I must put the dog out forever! I must put the dog out forever! 1.4138 0.03203 377 248 102 27
205 Now open a can of tuna, the good stuff not that cat food stuff, and go back to bed. 1.4136 0.03352 353 234 92 27
206 ... and now, 1.7 cm behind my left ear with your third knuckle. 1.4136 0.03447 353 238 84 31
207 When you awake, I will have tuna and you’ll have no memory of your catatonic trance. 1.4131 0.03413 351 235 87 29
208 Hand over the chicken liver pâté and you won't remember a thing when you wake up in the morning. 1.4131 0.03460 351 237 83 31
209 Fortunately for you, my underling, I find your opposable thumbs most useful. 1.4121 0.03240 347 225 101 21
210 Human testing successfully completed, clinical trials on mice shall commence! 1.4121 0.03342 347 229 93 25
211 Ok Schrodinger, let's see if the cat food exists or doesn't exist in the refrigerator! 1.4118 0.03647 306 205 76 25
212 Ambien, a cat's best friend. 1.4116 0.03454 345 232 84 29
213 I've put the dog out, master. What is your next command? 1.4114 0.03370 350 233 90 27
214 Catatonic. 1.4094 0.03449 342 230 84 28
215 Yesss, yesss... now call your ex-wife and tell her it was you who peed in her sweater drawer.. it was you all along.. yess 1.4092 0.03548 325 219 79 27
216 Everyone in the family denied that there was anything wrong with the cat. 1.4088 0.03610 340 235 71 34
217 Neutering, huh? Sure, I’m game. But you go first, big shot. Grab a knife. 1.4085 0.03680 328 227 68 33
218 Initiating cat-scan 1.4066 0.03596 332 228 73 31
219 It’s ok to love your cat more than anything; take good care of it; make its happiness a priority.... Now open the fridge, take out the tuna, put the tuna on a plate, put the plate on the floor... 1.4065 0.03482 337 228 81 28
220 Turn left, open the refrig, take out the plate of salmon. 1.4061 0.03401 330 219 88 23
221 You'll think twice before making me chase the laser pointer. 1.4061 0.03346 330 217 92 21
222 When I Snap My Paws; You Will Be The Cat And I’ll Be Driving The Porsche. 1.4055 0.03728 328 230 63 35
223 At the count of three, you will wake the dog, remove all his tags then drop him off at the pound. 1.4049 0.03510 326 220 80 26
224 As always,George would wake up the next morning remembering nothing of his nightly trip to the kitchen and wondering what had happened to the leftover shrimp scampi. 1.4043 0.03415 324 215 87 22
225 Tuna. You need tuna. You need to give the cat tuna. 1.4043 0.03470 324 217 83 24
226 Why Amazon's small bird and rodent division keeps exceeding its sales targets. 1.4039 0.03776 307 213 64 30
227 Bring me your thumbs 1.4037 0.03621 322 221 72 29
228 Now the can opener.... 1.4037 0.03555 327 223 76 28
229 Ambien, my ass. 1.4037 0.03581 327 224 74 29
230 Very good, human. You will now open the fridge and feed the cat the leftover salmon from dinner. 1.4006 0.03604 317 217 73 27
231 You will obey my every word. You will get me a can of the expensive stuff. 1.4006 0.03405 317 210 87 20
232 You will open the fridge and serve me the sushi. 1.4006 0.03632 317 218 71 28
233 The weird part is.... I don't own a cat. 1.4000 0.03648 315 217 70 28
234 Must. Take. Dog. To. Pound. Must. Reveal. Catnip. Hiding. Spot. 1.3994 0.03454 333 226 81 26
235 You're both asleep and awake, Roger. It's an old trick my friend Schrödinger taught me. 1.3994 0.03480 333 227 79 27
236 I would have been here sooner, Your Catship, but I strained my back throwing out the dog as you suggested. 1.3994 0.03374 333 223 87 23
237 Who’s a good boy now? 1.3994 0.03506 333 228 77 28
238 ... get rid of the dog... get rid of the dog... 1.3994 0.03374 333 223 87 23
239 Turn left. Open door. Put steak on floor. Go back to bed. 1.3994 0.03293 333 220 93 20
240 “Why should I care if my CanOpener sleepwalks?” 1.3960 0.03688 303 209 68 26
241 I’m the laser now, Phil. 1.3960 0.03703 303 212 63 28
242 Be happy it's just a glass of milk and not more pyramids. 1.3960 0.03718 303 210 66 27
243 In the morning you will remember nothing, but wonder why your hands smell like fish. 1.3960 0.03658 303 208 70 25
244 Alexa, play dog sounds 1.3960 0.03658 303 208 70 25
245 Oh good, he took Ambien, , here comes a snack 1.3946 0.03661 299 205 70 24
246 Wanting a late snack Schrodinger’s cat puts her master in a quantum state of asleep and awake. 1.3939 0.03769 297 207 63 27
247 I wonder if he knows that his cartoonist drew him with two left feet. 1.3939 0.03678 297 204 69 24
248 This is too easy. 1.3939 0.03584 297 201 75 21
249 I had these anti-zombie eye lasers installed the year you voted republican, Frank. Don't look so surprised. 1.3939 0.03615 297 202 73 22
250 Tigger's Do-It-Yourself Hypnotism course bears fruit. 1.3937 0.03558 315 216 74 25
251 How have these idiots survived so long? They can't even see at night! 1.3931 0.03865 290 204 58 28
252 Pleasantly flavored fish in a bowl on the floor. You can do it! 1.3925 0.03484 293 195 81 17
253 This is so much easier than catching a mouse for dinner. 1.3925 0.03616 293 199 73 21
254 Lobster Thermidor, the cat must be fed Lobster Thermidor. 1.3918 0.03761 291 202 64 25
255 Cat "scam" 1.3918 0.03823 291 204 60 27
256 Excellent, Dave. Now...your leftover sushi from tonight. Bring it to me. 1.3918 0.03566 291 196 76 19
257 Anything you wish. You're right. The dog must go. 1.3918 0.03499 291 194 80 17
258 Narcoleptic v. Catatonic 1.3910 0.03746 289 200 65 24
259 You feel like ordering sushi 1.3910 0.03746 289 200 65 24
260 Yessssss! Yesssssssss!! Go to the bowl on the floor, fill it, put it down again. That's my precioussssssss! 1.3902 0.03496 287 191 80 16
261 ...and when you're done getting my treats, I have a a job for you concerning the dog... 1.3895 0.03649 285 194 71 20
262 You are getting very close to your destination. Roasted chicken on second shelf. Remove it, place it on the floor, and leave. You were never here. 1.3895 0.03847 285 200 59 26
263 I command you to use neither "catastrophe" nor "catatonic" in this week's caption contest. Also, make me some tuna. 1.3887 0.03734 283 195 66 22
264 And you say I have a brain the size of a walnut. 1.3887 0.03597 283 191 74 18
265 Impressive? Now watch the nice man open a can of tuna ... 1.3887 0.03767 283 196 64 23
266 You are meow under my control 1.3883 0.03829 273 189 62 22
267 Must....Feed....Cat....Now" 1.3881 0.03804 286 200 61 25
268 OMG, you’ve swallowed the laser pointer, AGAIN! 1.3881 0.03738 286 198 65 23
269 This is more fun than suffocating him in his sleep. 1.3881 0.03771 286 199 63 24
270 Very Good, now move to the refrigerator and remove the plate of salmon... THAT'S A GOOD BOY 1.3879 0.03751 281 194 65 22
271 You will serve me for all nine lives. 1.3879 0.03785 281 195 63 23
272 Grill the tuna, covered, over medium heat. Let cool. Throw on floor. 1.3879 0.03683 281 192 69 20
273 Why, oh why, do I feel compelled to open a can of Fancy Feast at 3 a.m.? 1.3879 0.03818 281 196 61 24
274 That's for the fake laser lures 1.3874 0.03718 302 212 63 27
275 And this is how the cat domesticated the human... 1.3874 0.03718 302 212 63 27
276 Fluffy's log, Day 47: Reverse adaptation of the red dot laser thingy appears to be a success. 1.3874 0.03567 302 207 73 22
277 Let's skip the pageantry, John, we both know who's in charge. 1.3874 0.03628 302 209 69 24
278 Who has the laser now, Kevin? 1.3873 0.03689 284 195 68 21
279 When he shared this sleep-walking experience with his psychiatrist, little did Karl know that it would inspire the term "cat-a-tonic." 1.3871 0.03870 279 196 58 25
280 when you awake you will forget that cats rule the world, and after dinner you will pet me till I go to sleep. 1.3868 0.03526 287 193 77 17
281 I want you to start calling me, Miss Kitty. And I want your pillow! 1.3867 0.03520 300 204 76 20
282 I will always leave the toilet seat up.... 1.3865 0.03638 282 192 71 19
283 I assume this is revenge for chasing the red dot. 1.3863 0.03787 277 192 63 22
284 I will buy another parakeet. I will buy another parakeet. 1.3858 0.03850 267 185 61 21
285 This fur won't lick itself. 1.3855 0.04239 249 179 44 26
286 here human, human. 1.3849 0.04164 252 180 47 25
287 [This drawing doesn't need a caption. I'm therefore submitting a blank.] 1.3843 0.04220 268 197 39 32
288 You are approaching the drawer with can-opener; then proceed to tuna cabinet. 1.3841 0.03689 276 189 68 19
289 I'm not hungry at all, but it's fun to mess with humans. 1.3841 0.03580 276 191 66 19
290 And don't give me that almond milk this time! 1.3841 0.03689 276 189 68 19
291 And now, you eat the cat food. 1.3841 0.03964 276 197 52 27
292 Not only phones can control you human! 1.3841 0.03760 276 191 64 21
293 You will play in my sandbox like you did as a child. 1.3841 0.03998 276 198 50 28
294 Nope, I definitely haven't been fed yet. Feed me immediately 1.3832 0.03670 274 192 61 21
295 Must get rid of Tabby, Sphinx is our only cat. 1.3832 0.03670 274 187 69 18
296 Good, goooooood, now open the fridge 1.3832 0.03634 274 186 71 17
297 You're getting close..now,open the refrigerator doors and pull out the tuna filet. 1.3832 0.03286 274 187 73 14
298 Not so much fun when the laser light's in your eyes, now is it? 1.3832 0.03670 274 187 69 18
299 Ah, my midnight snack has arrived. 1.3832 0.03445 274 191 65 18
300 Put ... the ... dog ... out. Put ... the ... dog ... out. ... 1.3832 0.03778 274 190 63 21
301 You will make us both a snack and will not remember anything. 1.3824 0.03796 272 189 62 21
302 The can opener is in the top drawer below me. You know what to do with it. 1.3824 0.03760 272 188 64 20
303 Now be a good boy and dig out some of that real tuna instead of that wretched meow-mix. 1.3824 0.03867 272 191 58 23
304 ...and you will put the can of tuna in the cat bowl. 1.3824 0.03613 272 189 64 19
305 Good, good. Now get the can opener. That's right, top drawer. 1.3815 0.03742 270 186 65 19
306 History of crime: years later, this photo was used to convict Mesmercat with the first Feliny 1.3760 0.04031 242 170 53 19
307 24/7 Grocer, aisle three, tuna in oil on lower right, I am on it. 1.3760 0.03894 258 181 57 20
308 Yours will be my tenth life. 1.3750 0.03953 256 181 54 21
309 This was always an option. The incessant midnight meowing was just an indulgence. 1.3750 0.03875 256 179 58 19
310 Mr. Catatonic commands you to remove the chicken from the frig and place it in front of me. 1.3740 0.03494 254 176 64 14
311 I got a lot more sleep with the dog 1.3740 0.03974 254 180 53 21
312 Let's just take the door off the pantry with the liver treats. 1.3740 0.03381 254 176 65 13
313 I would pass on opposable thumbs for this any day. 1.3730 0.03995 252 179 52 21
314 Human, you will serve me the grilled salmon filet with the lemon, tarragon, and garlic sauce. 1.3720 0.03594 250 168 71 11
315 They're so cute when they're manipulated. 1.3720 0.03811 250 173 61 16
316 you are feeling sleepy...I am feeling hungry... 1.3720 0.03768 250 172 63 15
317 And he thought getting divorced would give him more freedom. 1.3720 0.04056 250 179 49 22
318 I've warned you, you are wearing the cat's pajamas. 1.3720 0.04056 250 179 49 22
319 Never mind. Go back to bed. 1.3710 0.04078 248 178 48 22
320 When you awake, the countertop shall be my permanent throne... and you will like it. 1.3710 0.03873 248 173 58 17
321 Animal magnetism in action. 1.3699 0.03977 246 174 53 19
322 At least he’s wearing bottoms this time. 1.3699 0.04100 246 177 47 22
323 Why can't you just 'meow' like other cats? 1.3699 0.03893 246 172 57 17
324 Shouldn't have named the cat Ambien. 1.3699 0.03893 246 172 57 17
325 Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. 1.3699 0.03807 246 170 61 15
326 But I don't know how to walk like an Egyptian. 1.3693 0.03948 241 169 55 17
327 You are under the power of Cat Man Do! 1.3692 0.03826 260 183 58 19
328 You called Master? 1.3689 0.04123 244 176 46 22
329 Harold couldn't figure out why he kept waking up with his fingers smelling of tuna. 1.3689 0.03870 244 170 58 16
330 Trash the refrigerator, blame the dog.... Trash the refrigerator, blame the dog... 1.3689 0.03782 244 168 62 14
331 Now, open the refrigerator and remove the tuna salad and put it into my dish. That’s right, all of it, and tomorrow you will remember none of this! 1.3689 0.03782 244 168 62 14
332 You say I don’t make eye contact? I’ll give you eye contact. 1.3689 0.03870 244 170 58 16
333 Yes sorry These are the cat’s pajamas. 1.3689 0.03913 244 171 56 17
334 When you awake, you will swipe right on Crazy Cat Lady 1.3682 0.03725 258 179 63 16
335 Must...feed...cat. Must... 1.3682 0.03884 258 183 55 20
336 We will have a fancy feast indeed. Mwhaa-ha-ha 1.3682 0.03643 258 177 67 14
337 Repeat after to me, this kitchen never closes and breakfast is served all day, everyday. 1.3682 0.03517 258 174 73 11
338 Now I know why you were the only cat left at the shelter. 1.3682 0.04056 239 170 50 19
339 That's it, when you get to the dog you know what to do... 1.3678 0.03934 242 170 55 17
340 You will feed me the chicken and turkey and you will eat the cat food. 1.3678 0.04063 242 173 49 20
341 Poop....in....a....box. 1.3678 0.04146 242 175 45 22
342 Bill couldn't figure out why the fresh salmon kept disappearing from his fridge. 1.3678 0.03846 242 168 59 15
343 Seafood Feast, that's right, Seafood Feast. Throw all the Liver and Cheese in the garbage. Thaaaat's right." 1.3678 0.03592 242 170 58 14
344 Living in cat-tivity. 1.3678 0.03934 242 170 55 17
345 Must Open Tuna 1.3678 0.03710 242 165 65 12
346 It came to light that Graham’s prostate had been unfairly blamed. 1.3678 0.04188 242 176 43 23
347 The bill for kitty treats continued to mysteriously climb out of control. 1.3678 0.03801 242 167 61 14
348 Catatonic Purfection 1.3678 0.04063 242 173 49 20
349 Who said Cats can't SPELL 1.3672 0.03784 256 179 60 17
350 Must get out the tuna ... Must get out the tuna ... 1.3672 0.03619 256 175 68 13
351 There is only one god. His name is Fluffy. May I open a can of tuna for you, oh Fluffy? 1.3672 0.03445 256 171 76 9
352 Take me to your litter. 1.3671 0.04293 237 174 39 24
353 Who's your owner now, bitch? 1.3667 0.03999 240 170 52 18
354 Carl didn't understand why he'd wake up each morning with dirty feet only to find open cans of tuna fish all over the kitchen. 1.3667 0.03955 240 169 54 17
355 You will feed me the good stuff, clean my litter, and buy me a leather sofa for my nail sharpening sessions. 1.3667 0.04085 240 172 48 20
356 When incessant meowing stops working. 1.3667 0.03999 240 170 52 18
357 Yesssssss, Master. I WILL open the fridge for you. 1.3667 0.03821 240 166 60 14
358 Your Jedi cat tricks don't work on me! Now stand aside while I open some tuna. 1.3667 0.03955 240 169 54 17
359 And they think I only eat, sleep and poop. 1.3667 0.03911 240 168 56 16
360 The pre-dawn tuna beam is so effective. 1.3667 0.04128 240 173 46 21
361 ...must prepare more shrimp with anchovy sauce... 1.3667 0.04085 240 172 48 20
362 So hungry for tuna... in a bowl... on the floor... 1.3667 0.03728 240 164 64 12
363 As the hypnotic beam brought his human closer to opening the fridge, Simba knew that a feline dream had finally come true. 1.3667 0.03728 240 164 64 12
364 I should have thought of this years ago! 1.3661 0.03924 254 181 53 20
365 Now you're gonna show me where the catnip stash is 1.3655 0.03747 238 163 63 12
366 I'm...the...cat's...pajamas... 1.3655 0.04021 238 169 51 18
367 .....now open both doors and return to your bed. 1.3655 0.03886 238 166 57 15
368 For some reason, Frank started waking up in the morning with the taste of mackerel in his mouth... 1.3648 0.03847 233 161 59 13
369 It's like herding humans. 1.3648 0.04035 233 165 51 17
370 I hate pet sitting for Clark Kent. 1.3648 0.03988 233 164 53 16
371 Switched that milk for powder, did you? Now you're gonna pay, Earl... you're gonna pay. 1.3644 0.04043 236 168 50 18
372 You will stay hypnotized until six a.m., then you'll awake fully refreshed. But first, give the salmon in the refrigerator. 1.3644 0.03766 236 162 62 12
373 Now I will turn, open the fridge, and pull out the salmon steaks. 1.3644 0.03998 236 167 52 17
374 Joe could never understand the catnip breath he had in the morning.... 1.3629 0.03801 237 164 60 13
375 The Cabinet of Doctor Catigari 1.3624 0.03685 229 165 49 15
376 Ambien always takes the rap. 1.3621 0.03629 232 164 55 13
377 You will feed me the scallops that you were having for dinner tomorrow. 1.3621 0.03902 232 162 56 14
378 Just when I thought I'd have to go lie on your face! 1.3621 0.04043 232 165 50 17
379 This is much more fun than getting my own midnight snack. 1.3621 0.04223 232 169 42 21
380 Liver pate, third shelf down on the right. 1.3621 0.03706 232 158 64 10
381 Left... over... sushi... 1.3621 0.03629 232 164 55 13
382 Red dot payback 1.3618 0.04008 246 177 49 20
383 Is this some sort of payback for the laser pointer thing? 1.3612 0.04151 227 163 46 18
384 Who's the cat's pajamas? You're the cat's pajamas. 1.3609 0.03825 230 159 59 12
385 Tooooona, you want toooona. 1.3600 0.03930 225 157 55 13
386 Must--feed--cat--now 1.3596 0.03895 228 159 56 13
387 Ground Control To Major Tom! 1.3587 0.03952 223 156 54 13
388 You are under my purr-view! 1.3587 0.04151 223 160 46 17
389 Mrs. Schrodinger lets the cat out of the box. 1.3587 0.04247 223 162 42 19
390 She's got Bette Davis eyes. 1.3584 0.04159 226 163 45 18
391 You want to know how it feels to be de-clawed? 1.3584 0.03865 226 157 57 12
392 Why Dave never can find the fish he puts in his refrigerator. 1.3584 0.03683 226 161 52 13
393 It works. I'll try it on rats next. 1.3584 0.03966 226 159 53 14
394 Schrodinger sleepwalks into his kitchen and notes that his cat is alive. 1.3584 0.03865 226 157 57 12
395 Now, reach for the handle, the Salmon is on the second shelf 1.3584 0.04064 226 161 49 16
396 That was some dank catnip. 1.3584 0.03966 226 159 53 14
397 Good. Now left. 1.3584 0.03916 226 158 55 13
398 Food slave tractor beam engaged and operational. 1.3584 0.04206 226 164 43 19
399 I told you to stop with that laser dot, now you know how I feel! 1.3575 0.04175 221 159 45 17
400 Must you use your high-beams on me? 1.3575 0.04076 221 157 49 15
401 You will get the whole milk. The whole milk. Not the skim. 1.3571 0.03988 224 158 52 14
402 You will now bring me caviar! 1.3571 0.03937 224 157 54 13
403 Canned or fresh, master. 1.3571 0.04184 224 162 44 18
404 In her twisted feline brain, Jingles thought she was using her powers for good. 1.3571 0.04037 224 159 50 15
405 Give the lasagna to the cat...give the lasagna to the cat... 1.3571 0.04037 224 159 50 15
406 Yes, Master. Late night kitty treats shall be yours. 1.3571 0.03808 224 157 55 12
407 I must put out the tuna nibbles for my deserving and beloved cat! I must put out the tuna nibbles for my deserving and beloved cat! 1.3571 0.03988 224 158 52 14
408 So this is catatonic somnambulism. 1.3571 0.04037 224 159 50 15
409 Dave, you're 40 years old, I'm gonna teach you how to land on your feet 1.3551 0.03863 214 155 45 14
410 Moving from Mice to Men 1.3548 0.04374 217 160 37 20
411 You are feline very sleepy... 1.3548 0.04123 217 155 47 15
412 I, too, have a sudden, late-night craving for chocolate mouse. Wait...What? 1.3545 0.03981 220 155 52 13
413 Must make tuna sandwich. 1.3532 0.04158 218 157 45 16
414 Remove salmon from fridge. Place on counter. 1.3532 0.03950 218 153 53 12
415 Must. Have. Tuna. 1.3532 0.04003 218 154 51 13
416 That’s right. None of that dry kibble today. I want to hear the pop of a fresh can of salmon. 1.3532 0.03896 218 152 55 11
417 I love chicken, I love liver... 1.3519 0.04026 216 153 50 13
418 I am being summoned in my sleep by a cat with supernatural powers ... who knows he's not allowed on the counter! 1.3519 0.04079 216 154 48 14
419 How the tables have turned on the old “here kitty, kitty.” 1.3519 0.04285 216 158 40 18
420 I do not see my cat on the counter...my cat is a good kitty and deserves a can of tuna...I need to get rid of my dog tomorrow. 1.3519 0.04026 216 153 50 13
421 Now you know what it's like to chase that red dot. 1.3519 0.04026 216 153 50 13
422 Say it, “cats are smarter than dogs” and I will release you from my psychic mind control beam 1.3519 0.04234 216 157 42 17
423 How cats get their owners to pet them, feed them, and clean their boxes in exchange for nothing. 1.3519 0.04285 216 158 40 18
424 You shall finally understand democratic socialism 1.3510 0.04072 208 147 49 12
425 The evolution of catcalling 1.3507 0.04197 211 152 44 15
426 You're lucky I'm a cat person. 1.3505 0.04156 214 154 45 15
427 Feed the Princess....Feed the Princess...Feed....... 1.3505 0.03939 214 150 53 11
428 He goes when ever I point the laser. 1.3505 0.04311 214 157 39 18
429 you will open the fridge, take out the tuna, leave it on the floor and go! 1.3505 0.03883 214 149 55 10
430 The can opener. Go to the can opener! 1.3505 0.04102 214 153 47 14
431 Crab cakes, crab cakes ... Hear them whispering? "... Set us free, set us free ..." 1.3505 0.04362 214 158 37 19
432 Hey, I still know you're not supposed to be on the counter. 1.3505 0.04208 214 155 43 16
433 Look who's following the light now. 1.3505 0.04049 214 152 49 13
434 Resistance is futile; feed me right meow. 1.3505 0.04049 214 152 49 13
435 You, human with the thumbs, will open my food and not remember anything. 1.3505 0.03939 214 150 53 11
436 This will continue until you get rid of the cuckoo clock. 1.3505 0.03939 214 150 53 11
437 Yes, I took care of the dog. 1.3505 0.04156 214 154 45 15
438 Now bring me the milk, human named Steve 1.3505 0.03269 214 154 51 9
439 You are in a catatonic state. 1.3505 0.04208 214 155 43 16
440 That's it, thaaat's it. Now reach for the can opener. 1.3505 0.04102 214 153 47 14
441 Why did I adopt from the ESPCA? 1.3498 0.04476 203 150 35 18
442 I knew that a free cat from PBS would have a downside 1.3498 0.03894 203 140 55 8
443 Bob, get me some tuna and then extend your Prime membership. 1.3496 0.03951 226 161 51 14
444 ' . . .And none of that farmed salmon, if you please. 1.3496 0.03901 226 160 53 13
445 I will open fridge. I will pour milk in cat dish. I will not remember tomorrow! 1.3496 0.04001 226 162 49 15
446 Fluffy at last got her revenge for all those hours of red laser dot torture! 1.3496 0.03799 226 158 57 11
447 It always puzzled George why there was never any milk in the house. 1.3496 0.03694 226 156 61 9
448 I have him now! He's catatonic. 1.3496 0.03901 226 160 53 13
449 Did someone forget it’s Tuna Tuesday? 1.3496 0.03747 226 157 59 10
450 Tuna fish. Must open the tuna fish. 1.3496 0.03951 226 161 51 14
451 When I clap my paws you will turn into a chicken. 1.3491 0.04180 212 153 44 15
452 You're doing great, Greg. Now, open the fridge and make me a sandwich. 1.3491 0.04180 212 153 44 15
453 I’ll bet that “wittle wed dot” doesn’t seem quite so funny NOW, does it, Daniel? 1.3491 0.04286 212 155 40 17
454 Ever since Mr. Whiskers mastered telekincatsis,midnight snacks had become much tastier. 1.3491 0.03904 212 148 54 10
455 You know this is entirely unnecessary. I can't resist you anyway. 1.3478 0.04021 207 146 50 11
456 Now that’s what I call a cat nap... 1.3476 0.03983 210 148 51 11
457 Must feed Mrs. Biggles. Must feed Mrs. Biggles. 1.3468 0.03891 222 157 53 12
458 Who’s the ‘soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur’ now! 1.3468 0.03839 222 156 55 11
459 Must poach chicken breast. 1.3468 0.03943 222 158 51 13
460 You belong to me meow. 1.3463 0.04274 205 149 41 15
461 OUT! DAMNED SPOT! 1.3463 0.04274 205 149 41 15
462 Take me to your feeder!... 1.3462 0.04339 208 153 38 17
463 I thought we agreed you'd only use this power during the day. 1.3462 0.04063 208 148 48 12
464 Hypnocat always gets his meal. 1.3462 0.04339 208 153 38 17
465 Must feed muffin Must feed muffin Must feed muffin 1.3462 0.03947 208 146 52 10
466 Somehow I didn't expect that when I walked toward the light I'd find a cat. 1.3462 0.03947 208 146 52 10
467 Maybe those Egyptians were on to something... 1.3455 0.04068 220 159 46 15
468 And now I must decide: for good...or for evil?! 1.3455 0.04068 220 159 46 15
469 To pounce, or not to pounce . . .? 1.3455 0.03832 220 157 51 12
470 His training is now nearly complete. 1.3455 0.04017 220 158 48 14
471 Time to feed the cat...Time to feed the cat...Time to feed the cat... 1.3455 0.03750 220 153 58 9
472 If she takes out the tuna, those online psychic self-awareness classes will have been worth every cent. 1.3448 0.04068 203 144 48 11
473 I told you I wanted the Chunk White Tuna in oil not water! 1.3447 0.04087 206 147 47 12
474 Open the canned food, not the dry food...canned food, not dry food...the whole can, not half a can, whole can, not half... 1.3447 0.04144 206 148 45 13
475 Out of nowhere, the Fukushima Animal Rescue was shut down. 1.3434 0.04375 198 145 38 15
476 When you wake up, you won't remember why you put the caviar into the cat bowl. 1.3431 0.03869 204 142 54 8
477 Purrrr-fect. 1.3418 0.04159 196 140 45 11
478 I don't see you and you don't see me. Deal? 1.3417 0.04238 199 144 42 13
479 I never should have named you Scottie 1.3417 0.04116 199 142 46 11
480 Best Read 2019: Unleashing Your Feline Power! 1.3412 0.03958 211 150 50 11
481 It's always tuna o'clock somewhere. 1.3412 0.04391 211 158 34 19
482 She’ll tease you, she’ll unease you, she’s got catatonic eyes 1.3402 0.04247 194 140 42 12
483 Thus began the death of Mr. Pickles...and the birth of Catsputin. 1.3402 0.04120 194 138 46 10
484 That’s it, Larry, now pick up the can opener. 1.3397 0.04038 209 150 47 12
485 Listen to my words human, FEEEEED MEEEE 1.3397 0.04038 209 150 47 12
486 Yes master, i will subscribe to The New Yorker. 1.3397 0.04205 209 153 41 15
487 Open the door.... Put the dog out.... 1.3397 0.04094 209 151 45 13
488 If you can teach yourself hypnosis you can learn how to use a can opener. 1.3385 0.04134 195 142 41 12
489 When I count to 3 and click my claws you will wake up with no memory of that crazy neutering idea 1.3385 0.04229 195 141 42 12
490 Ego sum servus tuus Mr. Buttons. 1.3385 0.04413 195 144 36 15
491 I love it when he wakes up bewildered in the morning with the smell of tuna fish on his hands. 1.3385 0.04102 195 139 46 10
492 Look into my eyes - one step forward, one quarter turn to the left, grab handles and pull, return to bed and forget everything. 1.3385 0.04589 195 147 30 18
493 Yes, it is perfectly fine to feed your beloved cat Circe another dinner, and then you can gorge on the chocolate torte in the fridge, and you'll have no recollection of either when you wake up tomorrow morning. 1.3385 0.04166 195 140 44 11
494 You are getting very sleepy. You need a bowl of milk and so does your cat. 1.3385 0.03971 195 137 50 8
495 ...you are sleepy, very sleepy...now open the refrigerator and get out the salmon... 1.3385 0.04037 195 138 48 9
496 I live only to serve Supreme Commander Mittens, Unquestioned Ruler of All Area 51 Rescue Animals... I live only to serve... 1.3385 0.04531 195 146 32 17
497 Tuuuuuuuuna! 1.3385 0.04291 195 142 40 13
498 It's ok, I'm only doing this because it's 3:30 in the morning and I can. 1.3385 0.04102 195 139 46 10
499 Bring me wet food 1.3385 0.04102 195 139 46 10
500 You need to dim them. And by the way, your tail light is out. 1.3385 0.04531 195 146 32 17
501 You are hungry for the leftover tuna hot dish in the fridge. But only hungry enough to eat a few bites and leave the rest on the table. 1.3385 0.04229 195 141 42 12
502 The crab legs in there are calling our names,Carl. 1.3385 0.04166 195 140 44 11
503 Though you’ll wake up strangely hungry in the morning you’ll believe you ate the rest of the salmon. Now get it out. If you’re hungry now there’s some cat food in “my” bowl. 1.3385 0.04352 195 143 38 14
504 The mind-meld worked. Let the feasting begin!! 1.3385 0.04037 195 138 48 9
505 So you see, Herr Schrodinger, even the laws of physics must bow to my powers. 1.3385 0.04229 195 141 42 12
506 Jared never realized how pussy whipped he became 1.3385 0.04352 195 143 38 14
507 Now open the fridge and pour the cream into my dish. Then take the fresh salmon and put it on a plate by the cream, then go back to bed. When you wake-up in the morning you won't remember anything you did tonight. 1.3382 0.04003 207 148 48 11
508 You will go to the cupboard, open a can of tuna, place it in easy reach of an animal, then return to bed 1.3382 0.03944 207 147 50 10
509 So this is what she meant by hypnotic pussy." 1.3381 0.04452 210 159 31 20
510 Compared to me, Garfield is an amateur. 1.3368 0.04301 190 138 40 12
511 Must remove the dog. 1.3368 0.04192 193 139 43 11
512 Having already done the Lab test, he went for a Cat scan. 1.3368 0.04319 193 141 39 13
513 As usual, you are under my control. Feed me, NOW! 1.3368 0.04256 193 140 41 12
514 Yes, Snowball, you are my master. But didn't we already know that? 1.3368 0.03994 193 136 49 8
515 Now who has a laser pointer?! 1.3368 0.04319 193 141 39 13
516 You are feeling very hungry, hungry for tuna fish. 1.3368 0.04061 193 137 47 9
517 Why not use your magic powers to open your own food can? 1.3368 0.04127 193 138 45 10
518 Must.Kill.The.Dog. 1.3368 0.04381 193 142 37 14
519 Pst pst, here human human 1.3368 0.04319 193 141 39 13
520 You will now open a can of tuna! 1.3368 0.04381 193 142 37 14
521 Who’s a sweepy wittle guy now, Dave? 1.3366 0.04143 205 149 43 13
522 Alex, your adorable GooglePet, says - No, not the refrigerator, go to the cupboard and open a great big full one. 1.3366 0.04026 205 147 47 11
523 There will be hurricane damage in Alabama." "There will be hurricane damage in Alabama." "There will be hurricane damage in Alabama. 1.3366 0.04143 205 149 43 13
524 Feed, pet, clean litter, repeat. 1.3366 0.04257 205 151 39 15
525 Here Kathy Kathy Kathy.. 1.3366 0.04313 205 152 37 16
526 Sleeping walking? Purrfect. Now open the fridge... 1.3366 0.04085 205 148 45 12
527 Must...open...can of tuna! 1.3366 0.04026 205 147 47 11
528 And? The ... laser ... pointers ... will ... be ... destroyed ... 1.3366 0.03717 205 147 49 9
529 Pussy-whipped indeed. 1.3366 0.03874 205 152 40 13
530 At the count of three, you will open a can of tuna fish. 1.3366 0.03966 205 146 49 10
531 Gaze on my Unattainable Purrfection…. Shoot endless photos of Me.... Adore Me relentlessly til your dying breath. 1.3366 0.04085 205 148 45 12
532 With a hairball on the way up, Lovie summons her minion for a clean-up and post-ejection snack. 1.3366 0.04085 205 148 45 12
533 Canned tuna, you want canned tuna. 1.3366 0.03905 205 145 51 9
534 You will give me the salmon in the fridge 1.3366 0.04026 205 147 47 11
535 Curtis, the deal we had was that you are my pet. 1.3366 0.04143 205 149 43 13
536 You will come to me. You will let me outside. I’ll bring you a snack. 1.3351 0.03948 191 139 42 10
537 see me, feel me ee ee, touch me, feed me ee ee 1.3351 0.04409 191 141 36 14
538 Obey my command. Use the litter box. 1.3351 0.04533 191 143 32 16
539 I thought curiosity killed you already. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
540 The chicken livers in the little white pot. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
541 Cat Dream #3: World Domination via Feline Mind Control. 1.3351 0.04409 191 141 36 14
542 It always works fine until he reaches the fridge, then he messes up. 1.3351 0.03948 191 134 50 7
543 Now open the front door and let that dog loose. 1.3351 0.04017 191 135 48 8
544 Must ... feed ... Jedi. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
545 No one will love Fluffy the way I love Fluffy no one will love Fluffy the way I love Fluffy. . . . . . . 1.3351 0.04152 191 137 44 10
546 Ok, so maybe I taunted you with the laser a little too much. 1.3351 0.04409 191 141 36 14
547 Al-Catta has invaded the homes of Infidels 1.3351 0.04085 191 136 46 9
548 I need to fry up some chicken livers. I need to fry up some chicken livers. 1.3351 0.04152 191 137 44 10
549 Bottom drawer on the left. Liver flavor. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
550 In the morning you'll convince your wife to give away the two new kittens. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
551 Let's see how you like tuna paté from a can. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
552 You will sell the dog, you will sell the dog... 1.3351 0.04471 191 142 34 15
553 You need a CAT scan, human. 1.3351 0.04282 191 139 40 12
554 Those are my pajamas. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
555 In need of a late night treat, Muffin summons Bob with the ultimate cat call. 1.3351 0.04346 191 140 38 13
556 See how he likes being posted on Facebook. 1.3350 0.04451 203 153 32 18
557 And that's why they say sleepwalkers are in a catatonic state. 1.3350 0.03703 203 148 45 10
558 You will fetch crème fraîche. You will fetch... 1.3350 0.04049 203 146 46 11
559 Now slowly turn left and grab the salmon steaks. 1.3350 0.04168 203 148 42 13
560 Perfect! Now we're both cranky and miserable. 1.3350 0.03988 203 145 48 10
561 You feel an irresistible impulse to put out all the cat food. 1.3350 0.04168 203 148 42 13
562 After yet another sleepless night, Schrödinger regrets once again sprinkling catnip in the box. 1.3350 0.03864 203 143 52 8
563 Although he swears he puts everything away at night, somehow Dave always finds that the milk is out on the counter in the morning. 1.3350 0.03927 203 144 50 9
564 Svengato 1.3350 0.03864 203 143 52 8
565 Oh good. You are here to feed me. 1.3350 0.04340 203 151 36 16
566 Splendid. Now bark like a dog for me. 1.3350 0.04109 203 147 44 12
567 Now teach me how to use a can opener." 1.3350 0.04109 203 147 44 12
568 The evil pet Rasmewtin exerts hypnotic control over unwitting owner 1.3350 0.04049 203 146 46 11
569 Death to Spot. Death to Spot. 1.3350 0.03988 203 145 48 10
570 Ralph would later regret his decision to adopt the cat named Hannibal from the animal shelter. 1.3350 0.03864 203 143 52 8
571 This guy’s in the pad of my paw! 1.3350 0.03832 203 150 41 12
572 Here human, human, human. 1.3350 0.04079 203 154 33 16
573 I want tuna, I want liver, I want chicken please deliver. 1.3350 0.04451 203 153 32 18
574 Turn left. Open door. Put tuna casserole on floor. 1.3350 0.04049 203 146 46 11
575 The dog must go. The dog must go. 1.3350 0.03988 203 145 48 10
576 You will first catch that mouse and then serve me the leftover smoked salmon 1.3350 0.04283 203 150 38 15
577 Fool! CatNIP not CatNAP! 1.3333 0.04310 201 149 37 15
578 Catatonic. I get it. Funny. 1.3333 0.04011 201 144 47 10
579 Take Meow to Your Leader. 1.3333 0.04177 189 136 43 10
580 First, the can, then the can opener, then the bowl, then... 1.3333 0.03948 201 143 49 9
581 "Tuna fish and milk. Tuna fish and miiiiiiilllllk..." 1.3333 0.04177 189 136 43 10
582 Who knew catnip could be used for mind control. 1.3317 0.03740 199 146 43 10
583 Catnipped. 1.3317 0.04096 199 144 44 11
584 Must open anchovies... 1.3316 0.04271 187 136 40 11
585 Egypt. Circa 3000 B.C.E. 1.3316 0.04338 187 137 38 12
586 Cluck like a chicken. 1.3316 0.04657 187 142 28 17
587 Fancy Feast, Fancy Feast. 1.3316 0.04134 187 134 44 9
588 I will scoop out two bowls of mice-cream and we will watch the Color Purr-ple...... 1.3316 0.04064 187 133 46 8
589 Turn around, go out in the yard, and bring me back some dead mice. 1.3316 0.04271 187 136 40 11
590 On the next episode of “Cat-Man-Do”... 1.3316 0.04271 187 136 40 11
591 You’re feeling very sleepy. Now you will open the catnip. 1.3316 0.04338 187 137 38 12
592 Trixy tries out her little-known nocturnal behaviors. 1.3316 0.04203 187 135 42 10
593 Pate'. You must have pate'. On the floor. 1.3316 0.04338 187 137 38 12
594 Yes , yes...now to the left ..grab the salmon from last night... 1.3316 0.04271 187 136 40 11
595 Must spill milk. Must spill milk. 1.3316 0.04203 187 135 42 10
596 You’re going back to the shelter in Roswell. 1.3316 0.04203 187 135 42 10
597 Catatonic, please. 1.3316 0.04403 187 138 36 13
598 ...Then you will be rewarded with my presence only. Next you will separate my feces from the defecation sand... 1.3316 0.04595 187 141 30 16
599 Must...make...anchovy...dip!...Must...make... 1.3316 0.04338 187 137 38 12
600 It opens the fridge and gives us the chicken. 1.3316 0.04338 187 137 38 12
601 Repeat after me, I will have the dog neutered tomorrow. 1.3316 0.04134 187 134 44 9
602 Must feed the cat. 1.3316 0.04203 187 135 42 10
603 Very good, now open the refrigerator and take out the milk... 1.3316 0.04203 187 135 42 10
604 Feed me. Kill the dog. 1.3316 0.04338 187 137 38 12
605 That's why they call it "cat-atonic". 1.3315 0.04195 178 127 43 8
606 Now, let's see who wants some overly aggressive petting. 1.3299 0.03927 197 140 49 8
607 Yes, master, I will get the can opener. 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
608 Have to feed the cat.... Have to feed the cat..... Have to feed the ..... 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
609 Yes, I am the cat’s meow! 1.3299 0.04365 197 147 35 15
610 Should’ve come when I first said Meow! 1.3299 0.04305 197 146 37 14
611 Time for a walk, Jim 1.3299 0.03759 197 145 42 10
612 (Open tuna can.), (Open tuna can.), (Open tuna can.) 1.3299 0.04057 197 142 45 10
613 Jon, listen to my voice. You will forget to feed the dog tomorrow. 1.3299 0.03927 197 140 49 8
614 Yes, the mistress is asleep. "Purrfect." Do you want tuna or chicken? 1.3299 0.04183 197 144 41 12
615 I'm glad he kept his pants on this time! 1.3299 0.04244 197 145 39 13
616 And they say they're smarter than dogs. 1.3299 0.04244 197 145 39 13
617 Bad dog... must kick dog... 1.3299 0.04305 197 146 37 14
618 Feeeeeeed meeeeeeee. 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
619 Dr. Kitty performs another CAT Scan; this time for a tuna casserole. 1.3299 0.04305 197 146 37 14
620 I think he’s catatonic. 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
621 Jonathan couldn't seem to solve the mystery of his chicken liver scented fingers. 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
622 Deep down, Felix knew he should stop this little game of cat and spouse... 1.3299 0.04057 197 142 45 10
623 You will open the fridge, remove the cream, pour it into a crystal bowl, place it on the counter, and return noiselessly to bed, remembering nothing. 1.3299 0.04057 197 142 45 10
624 He'll never remember why his hands smell like tuna in the morning. 1.3299 0.04057 197 142 45 10
625 On the count of three...you will awake,and never remember you had a bird. 1.3299 0.04183 197 144 41 12
626 Yes, this is my dream and your nightmare... 1.3299 0.04183 197 144 41 12
627 Don't bother looking for the canary when you wake up. 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
628 Ok , ok ...I’ll get rid of the dog 1.3299 0.04120 197 143 43 11
629 This gives me paws. 1.3297 0.03981 182 128 48 6
630 ... and when you wake up you will put the dog out, not me. 1.3282 0.04145 195 142 42 11
631 Approach my dais,human,and bend to my will. 1.3245 0.03890 188 133 49 6
632 And now, my hypnotized slave, you may make Peppy a liver sandwich. 1.3239 0.04285 176 128 39 9
633 There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. Niccolo Machiavelli 1.3226 0.04595 186 142 28 16
634 Sorry to wake you Walter, but I thought this a good time to discuss the new diet you have me on. 1.3226 0.03985 186 133 46 7
635 Must open all the tuna cans... 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
636 And for my next trick, I'm going to scare the crap out of him in 3..2..1... 1.3220 0.04555 177 133 31 13
637 That's right, human...come pet the kitty. 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
638 Here feeder feeder... 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
639 Yes Master, a bowl of milk and any fish dish I can find. 1.3220 0.04264 177 129 39 9
640 Hell yeah, laser eyes, idiot. Where's your fucking spray bottle now? 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
641 I must have Tunafish l must have Tuna fish. 1.3220 0.04111 177 127 43 7
642 Yes, master.... your dish is my command. 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
643 I will put the dog in the fridge and take out the milk. Put the dog in the fridge and take out the milk... 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
644 ...and when you awaken you'll blame the Ambien... 1.3220 0.04188 177 128 41 8
645 First I'm going to teach you how to roll over. 1.3220 0.04484 177 132 33 12
646 You will feed the cat. 1.3220 0.04188 177 128 41 8
647 The Wagyu or the Beluga? 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
648 Feed me, but remember nothing. 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
649 MesmerEyzed 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
650 I guess this is payback for the laser pointer. 1.3220 0.04188 177 128 41 8
651 After you open the can, take a little something for yourself. 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
652 Yes. I, your surrogate opposable thumb, will get out the cat food. 1.3220 0.04484 177 132 33 12
653 Fancying tuna. Fancying tuna. Fancying . . . 1.3220 0.04111 177 127 43 7
654 You messed with that laser pointer for too long. I’m assuming direct control now. 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
655 Your cat is hungry. The kibbles are in the cabinet. Your cat is hungry. The kibbles are... 1.3220 0.04555 177 133 31 13
656 This is what happens when you forget to open the can, Jim". 1.3220 0.04264 177 129 39 9
657 You will vote for feline rights. 1.3220 0.04339 177 130 37 10
658 I should have had that catattract surgery done. 1.3220 0.04484 177 132 33 12
659 When I count back from five, you will awake as king of the mice. 1.3220 0.04484 177 132 33 12
660 I've cat you under my spell. 1.3220 0.04625 177 134 29 14
661 Ok now turn left ... 1.3220 0.04188 177 128 41 8
662 i will now use my powers of purrr-suasion. 1.3220 0.04264 177 129 39 9
663 When you awaken you will remember nothing about the catnip incident... 1.3220 0.04188 177 128 41 8
664 No, one meow means tuna. Chicken is two meows." 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
665 Now I know what happens when you win the laser pointer game. 1.3220 0.03743 177 130 40 7
666 When I meow, you will open the fridge and give me that fish from yesterday. 1.3220 0.04264 177 129 39 9
667 Ha ha! Now it is you, human, who must follow the beam! 1.3218 0.04682 174 132 28 14
668 Jack was a poker player, so when he heard "feed the kitty" in his sleep, he automatically walked to the kitchen drawer to get his deck of cards. Tiger's disappointment would prove to be "cat-astrophic" for both of them. 1.3218 0.04538 174 130 32 12
669 Muuust ooopen tuuuna. 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
670 Scratches has no regrets about jumping into that vat of plutonium. 1.3218 0.04538 174 130 32 12
671 Doctors would later describe Richard's sleepwalking as a Cat-atonic state. 1.3218 0.04075 174 124 44 6
672 But — but — we don't even have a cat.... 1.3218 0.04538 174 130 32 12
673 Chapter One: World Domination Begins at Home. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
674 Geez, Morris, I miss the days you were just finicky. 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
675 Oh good, you're up. Check the safe; looks like some burglars broke in and shit in the sink. 1.3218 0.04538 174 130 32 12
676 I’m feeding you because I want to, not because you’re making me. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
677 I knew that saying yes to that microchip was a bad idea 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
678 Karl's Sleepwalking Disorder seems to have advanced to a near Catatonic State... 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
679 Now use your opposable thumbs and fetch me some milk. 1.3218 0.04682 174 132 28 14
680 Hm, the pet hypnotist didn't work out the way I thought it would. 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
681 And he wonders why I never lose any weight. 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
682 I use to think saying “the cat got your tongue” was silly. 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
683 Latest entry in the DSM-V: Feline-Induced Binge Eating Disorder 1.3218 0.04389 174 128 36 10
684 Yes, my feline master, your wish is my command! 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
685 OK I'll feed you but the halogens have got to go. 1.3218 0.04235 174 126 40 8
686 Introducing the Residential Somnambulism Cat Scan. 1.3218 0.04312 174 127 38 9
687 Your AI-cat is beaming you to the salmon-in-gravy can. 1.3218 0.04389 174 128 36 10
688 I own him. 1.3207 0.04224 184 135 39 10
689 This time I demand chocolate milk, not that almond milk that you drink to stay thin. 1.3207 0.04224 184 135 39 10
690 Why didn't the aliens just teach you how to open a can of cat food? 1.3207 0.04153 184 134 41 9
691 Is it real or is it Ambien? 1.3187 0.04391 182 136 34 12
692 And when you wake up you won't remember strangling the dog. 1.3187 0.04527 182 138 30 14
693 Night of the living kibblers 1.3187 0.04321 182 135 36 11
694 you will feed me, you will feed me,... 1.3187 0.04251 182 134 38 10
695 Resistance is futile. Open the fridge and get me milk. 1.3187 0.04179 182 133 40 9
696 Yes..very good Dave...now listen carefully...you're looking for the can-opener... 1.3187 0.04251 182 134 38 10
697 Let Youtube see the real side of cats..bwhaaa 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
698 When you awake from this trance you will feed me only the most expensive cat food and all that I want. 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
699 Open the fridge, Susan 1.3176 0.04526 170 127 32 11
700 Time for my midnight snack. My Ambien dad is right on time. 1.3176 0.04289 170 124 38 8
701 Keep walking... Open the fridge... Spill the milk... 1.3176 0.04526 170 127 32 11
702 Must. Get. Treats. 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
703 Open, Sez Me. 1.3176 0.04526 170 127 32 11
704 This cartoon needs no caption... 1.3176 0.04602 170 128 30 12
705 Can of tuna . . . can of tuna . . . 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
706 Cat got your eyes? 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
707 Meow. Now turn left and pull the handle on the right. The milk is on the top shelf. 1.3176 0.04369 170 125 36 9
708 You had your chance, Kevin. Now, I’ll take two boned and breaded sea bass filets and a simple claret. 1.3176 0.04602 170 128 30 12
709 IIII Wiilll FFeeeedddd the cat. 1.3176 0.04369 170 125 36 9
710 Must open tuna cans. 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
711 Hey, big boy, you're 5 minutes late for my 3:30 snack! 1.3176 0.04369 170 125 36 9
712 As Fred faked a sleep walk to the fridge, I swore that if he ate my ice cream again, I’d snitch. 1.3176 0.04369 170 125 36 9
713 You will pet me whenever I'm not sleeping. 1.3176 0.04123 170 122 42 6
714 Open the left door and the food tin on the third shell. Place it on the floor. 1.3176 0.04602 170 128 30 12
715 This would be the last time Dave bought cheap California cat grass off a high schooler. 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
716 It worked, I MEOW and he goes for the can-opener! 1.3176 0.04207 170 123 40 7
717 Must...rub...tummy... 1.3176 0.04207 170 123 40 7
718 Catnip Treats... Must put out Catnip Treats... 1.3167 0.04277 180 133 37 10
719 You'd think with powers like this they could open their own damn can of Friskies. 1.3167 0.04277 180 133 37 10
720 If you wanted me to get you milk you could have just scratched my face in the middle of the night like a normal cat. 1.3167 0.04277 180 133 37 10
721 Never mind the ham sandwich, open a can of tuna for the cat. 1.3167 0.03977 180 129 45 6
722 Must feed kitty, must feed kitty... 1.3167 0.03977 180 129 45 6
723 Operation Catnip is a go." 1.3167 0.04204 180 132 39 9
724 This is more fun than catnip 1.3167 0.04420 180 135 33 12
725 Forget the Kibble. Fresh fish daily! 1.3167 0.04130 180 131 41 8
726 OK, I'll get you some more catnip. THEN can I have my soul back? 1.3167 0.04558 180 137 29 14
727 Laser-focus to the catnip 1.3167 0.03651 180 130 45 5
728 No Caption Necessary 1.3167 0.04758 180 140 23 17
729 Humans are so easy. 1.3167 0.04349 180 134 35 11
730 The cat is my master... 1.3167 0.04130 180 131 41 8
731 You are getting tuna... tuna... 1.3167 0.04130 180 131 41 8
732 The insurance company made me do the at-home cat scan! 1.3167 0.04349 180 134 35 11
733 That's right...into the freezer drawer. 1.3167 0.04204 180 132 39 9
734 Milk to your left, tuna right. Hungry cat waiting. 1.3167 0.04277 180 133 37 10
735 When you wake, you will get rid of the dog. 1.3146 0.04155 178 130 40 8
736 I liked it better when you just sat on my face and tried to suffocate me. 1.3133 0.04590 166 125 30 11
737 You WILL tell everyone you're a cat person until it's annoying. 1.3133 0.04669 166 126 28 12
738 What your cat thinks of you 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
739 Must...open...tuna......Must...open...tuna... 1.3110 0.04374 164 121 35 8
740 You’re late again! 1.3110 0.04704 164 125 27 12
741 You will give me all the salmon in the fridge. 1.3110 0.04287 164 120 37 7
742 Get me he smoked salmon and you will fall into a deep sleep. 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
743 You have entered the midnight snack zone. Bring me caviar this time, and snap it up! 1.3110 0.04374 164 121 35 8
744 After living with Bill for two years, Cleo developed a hypnotic spell that had him feeding her around three thirty-five every morning. 1.3110 0.04542 164 123 31 10
745 Can't you just meow, like my other cats? 1.3110 0.04542 164 123 31 10
746 Must...destroy...all...laser...pointers... 1.3110 0.04704 164 125 27 12
747 Now you will open the refrigerator door, remove the drumsticks and place them on the floor. You will then return to bed and you will not remember anything I said tonight. 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
748 I need to cut back on my Ambien. 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
749 The Catocalypse has begun. 1.3110 0.04542 164 123 31 10
750 You are NOT a dog person. You are a cat person. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
751 Yes, Bella, that salmon in the fridge has taunted us too long! 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
752 You are cat napping, cat napping... 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
753 I ate so much catnip I got superpowers woah 1.3110 0.04542 164 123 31 10
754 Ooopen the can of tuna...Oopen the can of tuna... 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
755 Sphinx says what? 1.3110 0.04199 164 119 39 6
756 If I wanted to be awakened at 4:30, I would have gotten a rooster. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
757 It's just a midnight snack. Don't give me that look. 1.3110 0.04287 164 120 37 7
758 I'm not kitten around. 1.3110 0.04860 164 127 23 14
759 You never wondered why they named me Catsputin? 1.3110 0.04287 164 120 37 7
760 Adam's vasectomy was less about family planning and more about feline retribution. 1.3110 0.04287 164 120 37 7
761 That is the last Ancient Egyptian documentary we are ever watching before bed. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
762 Good boy , now the cat food I want is in the third drawer 1.3110 0.04109 164 118 41 5
763 Baths will not go unpunished. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
764 Feed. Me. Stoopid. Hooman. 1.3110 0.04623 164 124 29 11
765 The Internet of Cats finally comes full circle. 1.3110 0.04623 164 124 29 11
766 Huh. Usually I'm the one to do crazy things at night. 1.3110 0.04623 164 124 29 11
767 I wish I could find someone who looks at me the way my kitty does. 1.3110 0.04287 164 120 37 7
768 Must. open. can. of. salm - uh, hello, since when were you allowed on the counter? 1.3110 0.03413 164 121 39 4
769 Sequel: The Walking Fed 1.3099 0.04565 171 130 29 12
770 Now go left-open the door-bring me the fish-and go back to bed! 1.3099 0.04333 171 127 35 9
771 Okay, okay... I get the picture. Mr. Tibbles is my lord and master. Can I just go back to sleep now? 1.3099 0.04489 171 129 31 11
772 When I say meow, you will open a can of tuna. 1.3077 0.04280 169 125 36 8
773 I hear your meow and must obey 1.3077 0.04361 169 126 34 9
774 I must feed the cat. I must feed the cat. I must feed the cat. 1.3077 0.04196 169 124 38 7
775 At breakfast, he'll wonder where his milk went. 1.3077 0.04361 169 126 34 9
776 You're getting sleepy... Now open the fridge and get out the cream. 1.3054 0.04048 167 121 41 5
777 Must. Serve. Le Bernardin's yellowfin tuna carpaccio, with Iberico ham "chutney" and sea beans, drizzled with lemon-EVOO. 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
778 This catnip is surreal 1.3006 0.04095 163 119 39 5
779 Hypnotism classes finally paid off for Mr. Whiskers. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
780 Must buy tickets for Cats movie premiere. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
781 Now bring me some yarn, a puppy, a laser pointer and all your social media accounts. 1.3006 0.04186 163 120 37 6
782 Must cook lobster. 1.3006 0.04186 163 120 37 6
783 I have a sudden urge for sardines. 1.3006 0.04095 163 119 39 5
784 That Darn Cat! He only does this when there's leftover salmon. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
785 'Now you will open the tuna' 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
786 Feed the cat, then make a lasagna for the cat, and then take over the world with the cat 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
787 Poop in your shoe, Carl. Yes. Poop in your shoe. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
788 Take me to your kibble. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
789 Time for your predawn feeding. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
790 That’s right, Dave, this all a dream. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
791 Telekinetic Fluffy's naughty night at the sink 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
792 Feeding Whiskers the salmon fillet I bought for my anniversary dinner is an entirely rational decision. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
793 You are in my power. Open the fridge and bring me all the shrimp. 1.3000 0.04044 160 116 40 4
794 I am but your humble servant Mr. Jingles. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
795 Oh, God! I can work with this! 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
796 Feed me. FEED ME! 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
797 'Who will win in a world with Laser Cats?' you ask? "Me-ow!!! 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
798 I AM your Master... but you already knew that. Now get me some tuna. Right meow! 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
799 MUST....ORDER....TUNA....FROM....GRUBHUB. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
800 You will tell all your friends we’re excellent, hassle-free pets, who are way smarter and cleaner than dogs and not at all cold and shunning of all affection, or secretly planning your demise while you lie asleep in bed at night. 1.3000 0.04675 160 123 26 11
801 I don't know why I have a sudden urge to open all my tuna cans. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
802 I'll get off the counter if you will be my forever slave. Oh wait, you already are... 1.3000 0.04044 160 116 40 4
803 Sleep is but a glint of death. Life wasted. Time unspent. I free you from your personal tempest. Arise, awakened and renewed. Arise, my servant. Heed your new master and purpose. Life is servitude. Cat is god. Hail. 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
804 Cat food...can opener...open can...pour cat food in 'Kitty's' bowl...give bowl to 'Kitty'..."Cat food....can opener... 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
805 Now, retrieve the salmon from the fridge and return to bed until further instruction from me. 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
806 Must. Find. Catnip. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
807 How the cat got your tongue 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
808 You’re getting sleepy, very sleepy. Now get me a can of food and open it. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
809 Never teach your cat hypnosis. 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
810 You are now under my spell. Open the refrigerator and take out the tuna fish. Then return to your bed. When you awake in the morning, you will feel rested and refreshed. You will have no memory of what occurred. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
811 Sometimes karma sucks, doesn't it? Now get me some warm milk and put on another cat video. 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
812 Thank you for letting me know the dog wants to go out running in the street without his collar. I'll let him out right now. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
813 Yes master... open tuna can now. 1.3000 0.04371 160 122 29 9
814 You will now leave the faucet dripping...dripping very, very slowly 1.3000 0.04140 160 117 38 5
815 Last time ..I house sit... for a hypnotist.. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
816 I've been a bad little doggie and I crave your discipline... 1.3000 0.04675 160 123 26 11
817 What the pussy wants, the pussy gets 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
818 Another innocent seized from sleep by the dreaded catpurr beam. 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
819 You know what to do, Fred 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
820 You are in a deep catnap, open the fridge and pass the smoked salmon .. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
821 Tuuuuu-naaa.....tuuuuu-naaa.....tuuuuu-naaa 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
822 catalepsy 1.3000 0.04140 160 117 38 5
823 You know, as a cartoonist, I sometimes regret I gave you a superpower. 1.3000 0.04140 160 117 38 5
824 Now show me where you hide the cat food! 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
825 Powers of Purr-suasion 1.3000 0.04893 150 116 23 11
826 I am opening the gourmet cat food can....I am opening the gourmet cat food can... I am opening... 1.3000 0.04044 160 116 40 4
827 You will buy canned food with more gravy. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
828 A little Ambien and autosuggestion gets kitty the snack every time. 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
829 Pets nowadays just do whatever they want with you. 1.3000 0.04140 160 117 38 5
830 You-will-open-the-fridge-lift-out-the-plate-of-Sole-Walewska-take-the-film-off-it-put-it-on-the-floor-have-a-sip-of-milk-and-go-back-to-bed 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
831 You WILL keep filling my bowl with catnip. 1.3000 0.04675 160 123 26 11
832 Following his death, Freud's experiments with hypnotism continued despite his reincarnation as a cat 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
833 You summoned me, Your Aloofness? 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
834 Yes, Jim, you will make me an Instagram account and make all of your friends follow it. 1.3000 0.03844 160 119 36 5
835 Tweety Bird should be free. Tweety Bird should be free. Tweety Bird should be ... 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
836 Finally, the chicken leg is on the top shelf. I’ll wait here. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
837 Good boy, treats are in the second drawer. 1.3000 0.03945 160 115 42 3
838 Now open the fridge and unscrew the pickled herring 1.3000 0.04044 160 116 40 4
839 Of all the pills her human took, Whiskers found the one that induced sleep-petting to be the most effective. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
840 No, Mel...you're sleepwalking. I know a catnap when I see one ! 1.3000 0.04675 160 123 26 11
841 Must...build...tuna...castle... 1.3000 0.04044 160 116 40 4
842 Yes human. Use thumbs. Wet food. Yum yums. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
843 Tomcatatonia 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
844 He’s obviously in a catatonic state. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
845 I better wake him up before he mistakes me for a throw pillow again. 1.3000 0.04326 160 119 34 7
846 I must put the left over tuna in the cat's dish, I must put the left over tuna in the cat's dish. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
847 ...slowly, slowly, ... one small step, ...now reach to the left... 1.3000 0.03945 160 115 42 3
848 You will open the fridge doors, remove the plate of left-over mahi mahi and place it on the floor. 1.3000 0.03945 160 115 42 3
849 Well, well, Jim. Let's investigate how many lives you really got. 1.3000 0.04234 160 118 36 6
850 Schrödinger's cat discusses the folly of his experiment. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
851 And don't forget the sour cream with that salmon. 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
852 OPEN THE FRIDGE. TAKE OUT BROILED CHICKEN &FISH. PLACE IN KITTY'S BOWL..... 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
853 ...now the cat would have TEN lives. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
854 And I thought 'Catatonia' was just a cute name. 1.3000 0.03172 160 123 32 5
855 You had me at Meow. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
856 Hey, how's that Ambien working for you? My cat's getting fat... 1.2975 0.04260 158 117 35 6
857 I'm playing along, but know that it is fully my idea to feed you at this absurd hour. 1.2975 0.04066 158 115 39 4
858 Garfield could never do this. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
859 Am I your catamite? 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
860 The power of the pussy 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
861 You really are the cat's pajamas. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
862 Now continue to the open window and let’s see if you also have nine lives. 1.2895 0.04240 152 113 34 5
863 The origin of Paul's catatonia. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
864 That's why I just take little cat naps during the day. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
865 It’s the 3rd night of slipping my captor Ambien...my plan is finally ready to be implemented!! 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
866 Fish. Get fish. Fish... 1.2895 0.04029 152 111 38 3
867 Forget Meow Mix. You have a sudden desire for liver, chicken liver, and give most of it to your feline friend. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
868 I must...clean...the litter box. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
869 Must put dog outside. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
870 What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
871 When you adopt a cat named Ambien 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
872 Feed me, Seymour, feed me. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
873 Catwalk innovation for NYFW 2019. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
874 Must ... open ... all the ... tuna. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
875 I see you got into my catnip. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
876 Ok, this is the last time I give the cat catnip. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
877 Must-take-you-off-senior-cat-food. 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
878 Now veeery slowly, open a can of tuna... 1.2895 0.04240 152 113 34 5
879 Take out the fish..take out the fish.. Take out the fish.. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
880 Tuuunaaa. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
881 Oh goody! He's taking Ambien again. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
882 Now turn left at the refrigerator,get out the milk and pour it in a bowl and put it on the counter ,then turnaround and walk back to the bedroom and when you hear a meow you will fall into a deep sleep. 1.2895 0.03920 152 110 40 2
883 She was right ... her pussy is ... very powerful. 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
884 You WILL give me TWO cans of wet food this morning 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
885 Open the cabinet and place my catnip on the counter. Return to bed with no memory of this. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
886 You WILL find the can opener. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
887 ... and when you awaken you will have no memory of feeding me your leftover salmon. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
888 You missed my 4:30 AM feeding! 1.2895 0.04240 152 113 34 5
889 Guess I was only allowed a cat-nap 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
890 For the kingdom the power and the tuna are yours, forever and ever, amen. 1.2895 0.04029 152 111 38 3
891 Feline control mechanism #37: sleep feeding. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
892 Nightly, the voice calls...I must give...grain free tuna treats... 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
893 Now that I've got him, what do I do with him? 1.2895 0.03864 152 117 29 6
894 Hypno-cat 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
895 Fixta-puss frigatorium mangio! Fixta-puss frigatorium mangio!! 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
896 He's not sleepwalking; he's catnotised. 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
897 This will be a cat-astrophic event for you my purrrsonal servant. 1.2895 0.04240 152 113 34 5
898 For the last time Mittens, you were not in The Last Supper. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
899 That's it...sleep walk right over to the treats. Such a good person! 1.2895 0.03920 152 110 40 2
900 Now THAT was a weird tuna dream! 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
901 The lox is in the crisper, under the arugula, put it on the counter, don’t bother slicing it, then turn around and go back to bed. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
902 Will you stop this if I apologize for that laser toy? 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
903 A new metaphysical state somewhere between hunger, dreaming, and cat videos was discovered. 1.2895 0.04240 152 113 34 5
904 Tuna, tuna, tuna; don't care if it's dolphin-free. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
905 Since he’s been taking Ambien I get my sleep walking snack. 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
906 Now who’s the cat’s meow? 1.2895 0.04029 152 111 38 3
907 Why do I have this sudden urge to open a can of tuna? 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
908 I wonder what Freud would say about this. 1.2895 0.03920 152 110 40 2
909 No wonder the Pharaohs worshipped cats. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
910 I will open the fridge. I will get out the tuna. 1.2895 0.04136 152 112 36 4
911 One Ambien too many. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
912 Now open the fridge and get me some shrimp. 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
913 Opposoble thumbs would be so much easier. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
914 (Catnosis at work) OK, Dave now open the fridge and grab the milk 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
915 Open sardine tin, open sardine tin, open sardine tin. 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
916 Sorry, your x-ray vision doesn’t impress me at 3:30 a.m. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
917 I'll believe it' s for real when he eats the Purina. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
918 Tuna. Must … have … tuna. 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
919 The power of toxoplasmosis compels you... 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
920 The true cause of catatonic schizophrenia. 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
921 Catatonic mind-control 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
922 You are herewith ordered to immediately provide cat treats. 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
923 New Study Shows Sleepwalking May Actually Be Caused by Hypnotization from Your Cat Wanting a Midnight Snack 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
924 The motion sensor hidden in the stuffed cat registers 'intruder'. Automated reporting is passed to headquarters. Armed response is initiated. Things go rapidly downhill from there. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
925 Who knew my Cat Scan would give us such a connection 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
926 Thaaat's right! Toooppp draaawer! 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
927 You WILL make a Catnip & Cheese sandwhich - for ME, for ME!! 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
928 FEED ME! 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
929 Yes, take the milk. Now spill it. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
930 You want tuna .... you want tuna .... you want tuna .... 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
931 My human on Ambien is such fun to mess with 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
932 Good human, now open the fridge and get me some tuna. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
933 All those failed experiments with mice but, ha, I should have known all along it would work with Albert. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
934 Now go take the plastic off the furniture—we’re gonna party tonight. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
935 ...feed steak...feed steak...feed ... 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
936 It might be a sleep-walking cat burglar. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
937 I could have had a tabby, but no, I pick the hell cat. 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
938 My cats will always be the boss of me.” 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
939 I'm already catatonic. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
940 I won't let you sleep until you give me catnip 1.2887 0.04191 142 104 35 3
941 Good, very good. Now human, open five different cans of food for me to choose from. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
942 Just a little further, then a sharp left ... 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
943 You'll post about me on social media, you'll post about me... 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
944 Now, where did you hide the catnip? 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
945 Fluffy, using her mental powers to extract another midnight snack from her sleeping master, put a new spin on catatonia . . . 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
946 Tonight I want extra catnip with that Tuna Sandwich. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
947 Suggestion: you will put your pet cat in your next cartoon. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
948 Hocus Pocus! Bring me Tuna or Meat, whatever is closest! 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
949 I was happier when he hissed, scratched, and peed on everything. 1.2887 0.04955 142 111 21 10
950 Phil, trust me. I know catatonic behavior when I see it. You really should see a doctor. 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
951 Hypno-kitty strikes again! 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
952 Yes, master. The Tuna Delight or the Chicken and Carrots. 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
953 Fuck you and your laser pointer, Susan. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
954 It’s about time...after 7 lives of practice! 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
955 I feel certain that I will regret not filming this. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
956 I miss when I was the master. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
957 And all these years I thought it was the Ambien. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
958 You are totally in my power”, get me the lobster salad” 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
959 Must get tuna. Must get tuna. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
960 So that is where my Smart Phone went. 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
961 You will feed the cat, pet the cat, love the cat.... 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
962 Don't get so excited; I just have to pee. 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
963 You are feeling sleepy...when I click my paws you will get me some milk 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
964 Get salmon for cat.Get salmon for cat.Get salmon for cat. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
965 Open the refrigerator, open the refrigerator, open the refri.... 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
966 The can of tuna beckons you.... 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
967 Yes, that's right, go to the refrigerator and get the cat some treats." 1.2887 0.04423 142 106 31 5
968 Luke, I'm your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather's cat. 1.2887 0.05055 142 112 19 11
969 All that laser pointer training has finally paid off. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
970 Jim appeared catatonic as he made his way to the kitchen. 1.2886 0.04183 149 110 35 4
971 Must .... kill ... dog. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
972 Thank goodness they will never really understand our power. 1.2886 0.04073 149 109 37 3
973 Are those my pajamas? 1.2886 0.04596 149 114 27 8
974 Yes, that's a good human. Now relinquish all of your prized possessions, so that I may tear them apart while I make you watch. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
975 You will cook me a chicken...and remember to buy more of the catnip you bought from the fortune teller. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
976 Ha ha Pavlov, who's salivating now? I learned a few things while you were obsessing over that dog. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
977 Snacks outside tonight Jon-boy. Open the screen door. 1.2886 0.04290 149 111 33 5
978 I will feed the cat. I will feed the cat. I will feed the cat. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
979 The good stuff is in the fridge 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
980 Must...open...three...cans...of...tuna... 1.2886 0.04183 149 110 35 4
981 Yes, John. Come into the kitchen...and fix me a snack. You know the kind...the albacore tuna. 1.2886 0.04290 149 111 33 5
982 Yes Master, catnaps are for cats. 1.2886 0.03961 149 108 39 2
983 You are in my power. The can opener is on the right 1.2886 0.04073 149 109 37 3
984 More tuna...yes, master... 1.2886 0.04290 149 111 33 5
985 Tuna...you want tuna...a plate of tuna...on the counter... 1.2886 0.04183 149 110 35 4
986 Why we prefer dogs. 1.2886 0.04596 149 114 27 8
987 The cat is the king. Long live the cat. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
988 Excellent, now go get some milk. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
989 You keep waking me up like this and I'll make you into an outdoor cat. 1.2886 0.04883 149 117 21 11
990 You will find the dog, and you will dispose of the dog. 1.2886 0.04073 149 109 37 3
991 Lord Fluffyboots the Second commands breakfast. If it's not salmon, I send it back. If it's in the dog's dish again, I send it back. Katpish? 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
992 I am a cat person, I am a cat person, I am a cat person... 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
993 The difference between men and cats is that cats never sleep........... walk. 1.2886 0.03961 149 108 39 2
994 Tuna salad...tuna salad...tuna salad... 1.2886 0.04073 149 109 37 3
995 Catatonia is a beautiful thing. 1.2886 0.04290 149 111 33 5
996 The spray bottle has been eliminated, Master. 1.2886 0.04073 149 109 37 3
997 I will get you your milk and then get rid of the dog. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
998 You will open the draw. The one where you hide the catnip. You will then place the catnip on the counter on front of the cat. Return to your bed. You will do this every night from now on. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
999 ...and then when I tap your nose three times you'll wake up and won't remember any of this. 1.2886 0.04290 149 111 33 5
1000 I have this thing for cats! 1.2886 0.04073 149 109 37 3
1001 I...will...take...you...to...the...Cats...movie. 1.2886 0.04290 149 111 33 5
1002 The tuna's in the fridge. The tuna's in the fridge. 1.2857 0.04630 147 113 26 8
1003 You will feed me the left over ahi tuna... 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1004 Must. Open. Door. Close. Door. Open. Door.... 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1005 Catatonic man, catatonic. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1006 You will now feed me canned food ON the counter. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1007 When I scratch you, you will awake and get me cream. 1.2857 0.04096 147 108 36 3
1008 Zap! I command you to get a buncha 50-something liberal mofos to compete at captioning this shit. 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1009 Now hop on one foot and bark like a dog. 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1010 Must. Feed. Cat. 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1011 Listen carefully. You will open the refrigerator and return to bed. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1012 So, you like laser beams? 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1013 You're feeling very, very sleepy. And hungry. For...tuna. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1014 FRESH king salmon. FRESH king salmon... 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1015 Men have only one thing on their mind. 1.2857 0.04630 147 113 26 8
1016 Where, kitty, kitty? Where, kitty, kitty 1.2857 0.03980 147 107 38 2
1017 Why didn't I dog-sit for Pavlov instead of cat-sitting for Schrödinger? 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1018 You are under my power. Give me that fresh salmon that I saw you put in the refrigerator now. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1019 Repeat after me: Cats are man's best friend. 1.2857 0.03980 147 107 38 2
1020 Think tuna, tuna, tuna. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1021 Not the soy milk this time! 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1022 Yes. Bring me the thumbs. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1023 Now...puuuut the dog out.... 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1024 That's it Harry, now open the fridge and pull out cat food. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1025 When I scratch my claws three times, you shall turn from a can opener back into Marvin! 1.2857 0.04630 147 113 26 8
1026 When I snap my tail, you’ll leave the steak on the floor and go back to bed...and bark like a dog. 1.2857 0.04096 147 108 36 3
1027 Okay, but this Super Kitty gig is only gonna last until I find the catnip 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1028 Hypnosis works 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1029 Yes, master. A bowl of warm milk with brandy, coming up. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1030 I've got this guy so whipped. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
1031 Now---Open The Refrigerator. 1.2857 0.03921 147 114 27 6
1032 Get the cat treats from the second drawer. When you wake up you’ll remember nothing of this episode. 1.2857 0.04096 147 108 36 3
1033 Must unlatch the doggie door. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1034 Open fridge. Get out leftover tuna. 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1035 This is one rude awakening he’ll never forget. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1036 What's in it for YOU 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1037 Now left 90 degrees 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
1038 When you awaken, you'll believe you are a guy who doesn't mind cat butt on his kitchen counter. 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1039 Since trying cat hypnosis, Lucas hasn't been sleeping as well. 1.2828 0.04453 145 110 29 6
1040 Sleep walking tonight. Next, he will feed me again! 1.2828 0.04233 145 108 33 4
1041 Stop. Turn left. Open refrigerator....... 1.2828 0.04233 145 108 33 4
1042 I will prepare your Chicken Liver Sundae, Master. 1.2828 0.04453 145 110 29 6
1043 Now open the door and pour the cream.... 1.2828 0.04344 145 109 31 5
1044 You will now put hot sauce in the dog food 1.2828 0.04663 145 112 25 8
1045 That's it, human. Get me the milk. 1.2828 0.04344 145 109 31 5
1046 My handler at the CIA is going to love this trick. 1.2828 0.04344 145 109 31 5
1047 Clean my kitty litter 1.2828 0.04453 145 110 29 6
1048 There is no dog, there is no dog.... 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1049 You are feline generous... 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1050 Who’s obsessed with laser pointers now, human?! 1.2828 0.04000 145 106 37 2
1051 And now, the liver pâté, leave it on the counter..."_Anne Shellabarger, Goleta, C 1.2828 0.04233 145 108 33 4
1052 Herd this. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1053 Who needs thumbs? 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1054 I command you to live every day like it's Caturday... 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1055 Feed the cat, feed the cat, feed the cat... 1.2754 0.04084 138 102 34 2
1056 It may be midnight, but I sure do have a sudden craving for tuna. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1057 Got milk? 1.2754 0.04908 138 109 20 9
1058 Well the cat in the hat can't do that! 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1059 The guiding light 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1060 Change my litter. 1.2754 0.04084 138 102 34 2
1061 Master open the refrigerator door for kitty. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1062 The pizza guy just called. You are thinking about your favorite: Extra cheese with pepperoni and mushrooms. You will open the door. You will let in that gorgeous hunk of a Tomcat. You will go immediately to bed. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1063 You will promote my presence on social media. You will, you will! 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1064 He's my rescue human. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1065 Here Bob, Bob, Bob. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1066 After you eat the rest of that cake we'll see who the fat cat really is. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1067 This isn't the catscan that the doctor ordered . 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1068 The unfortunate side effects of Dave feeding Garfield too much brain food. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1069 Must ... get ... catnip ball ... and ... scratch chin ... and ... leave credit card and laptop on counter... zzzzzzzzzzz. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1070 Listen very closely. All you have to do is open the refrigerator, and I will take care of the rest. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1071 Shall we play "Chase the laser pointer?" 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1072 Who's yelling at me to get off the counters now, Steve? 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1073 The cat made me do it 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1074 Having lost her taste for human flesh, Mittens learned to hypnotize her prey into night eating. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1075 Psst, your catwalking again. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1076 look into my eyes, master and check the frig for tuna 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1077 Now repeat after me: Leave the dog in the freezer...Leave the dog in the freezer... 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1078 Why there isn't enough cream for your coffee in the morning. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1079 Now... walk toward the fridge, open the meat drawer, and then go back to bed. Tick, tock, tick, tock. 1.2754 0.03953 138 101 36 1
1080 Like you ever had a choice. 1.2754 0.04084 138 102 34 2
1081 ... salmon... lightly sautéed... 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1082 You will treat me like the dog all week and the dog shall stay outside, when I meow you can return to bed. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1083 I can't explain it .... I keep dreaming about demanding, beautiful women on catwalks. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1084 A sleepwalker's guide to the galaxy. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1085 Yes dear, just grabbing myself a midnight...tuna...tuna...where's the tuna? 1.2754 0.04084 138 102 34 2
1086 Must provide catnip..... 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1087 This wouldn't be necessary if you fed me enough so that I can't see the bottom of my bowl, Gerald. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1088 Your individual vote in the 2020 Presidential Election will determine its outcome. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1089 Get cat a tonic. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1090 Must open Cat Chow. Must open Cat Chow. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1091 and when you wake up, you will remember nothing. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1092 I'll get your food, but, no, I'm not going to dance like a chicken. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1093 Would monsieur like to try ze salmon? 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1094 It worked ! But I'm not hungry anymore. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1095 I'm sorry I'm late, but I got tangled up in the sheets and fell face-first onto the floor in my haste to serve you. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1096 And you thought you could get me with that stupid laser... 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1097 Feed, don't touch. Feed, don't touch. Feed... 1.2754 0.04335 138 109 22 7
1098 The power of kibble compels you. The power of kibble compels you. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1099 I get the whole laser pointer thing now 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1100 Even at night Laser Cat controls the Can Opener Keeper. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1101 Must make cat web video. Must be viral. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1102 Luke, you will open the refrigerator and jus walk away...just walk away. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1103 You forgot to let the human out, out, out, out… 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1104 Good boy Jon. Now turn to your left. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1105 Is this the right room for my CT scan? 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1106 You will open the refrigerator ... you will put the tuna on the counter ...you will return to bed and remember nothing. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1107 The worst part of having a deity for a pet is the zombies. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1108 Thank you for allowing me to feed you at 3 AM. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1109 Yes, Dave. Use the litter box. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1110 You will get me the fresh fish from the fridge for e to eat and a saucer of milk to wash it down! 1.2754 0.04084 138 102 34 2
1111 His Eyes Were Watching God 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1112 I swear Bob- if you even think of touching the coffeepot before I get my catnip I will knock it over! 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1113 Do exactly as I command. Open the cupboard, take out one can of cat food and sit it on the counter. Next find the good can opener . . . 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1114 You will get out your cell to record me doing something adorable. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1115 Your wish is my command, Fish, cup of milk on the second shelf behind the butter, brie and spaghetti Bolognese.. You want that too? 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1116 Your under my spell, you need to get rid of the dog. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1117 Guilt ? Cats don't do Guilt. Ever. 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1118 You do not like tuna fish. 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1119 Next time, could you turn your high beams down please? 1.2754 0.04687 138 107 24 7
1120 You will open the refrigerator and spill the milk! 1.2754 0.03885 138 108 25 5
1121 I'm coming in a fog on little cat feet, Sandburg. 1.2754 0.04908 138 109 20 9
1122 Put tuna steaks on the counter...put tuna steaks on the counter... 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1123 I guess this is what the doctor meant by being catatonic. 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1124 Cat Beam Walk 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1125 What's the matter? Cat's got your brain? 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1126 Yes, Bob...this is only a dream... Hold the mayo, extra pickles tonight. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1127 WHEW! I’m not a zombie—just cat-atonic. 1.2754 0.04212 138 103 32 3
1128 Open the parakeet cage and then a can of tuna. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1129 It's 3:35 a.m. in the morning as the hunger games continues! 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1130 You are just taking a catnap. 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1131 Must... make... tuna... salad... 1.2754 0.04335 138 104 30 4
1132 Keeping tabbys on the refrigerator... 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1133 Ambien-t lighting 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1134 Your hypnotic stare has rendered me "cat-atonic" Chairman Meow. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1135 Make me a tuna fish sandwich. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1136 MUST – FILL – BOWL 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1137 Must. Grab. Pussy. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1138 hell of a catnap! 1.2734 0.04428 139 106 28 5
1139 I knew I’d catch whoever’s been using my litter box 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1140 ....Tuna.... 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1141 Yes Master, what is your wish? 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1142 I should have bought a gold fish! 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1143 Obedience school was worth the investment. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1144 You’re right. I want tuna fish . . . 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1145 I told you, Max, no laser tag after lights out. 1.2721 0.04235 136 102 31 3
1146 The best part of animal mesmerism is a good meal. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1147 Yes, Master. I will fill the hole in the food bowl. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1148 No caption needed. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1149 You are late! 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1150 living the dream 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1151 I am meow under your control. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1152 Must buy tuna fish. Must buy tuna fish. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
1153 By the way, the laser pointer was delicious. 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1154 Why should Dogbert have all the fun? 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1155 They set the bar shamefully low for pajamas. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1156 You're meow is my command. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1157 I've developed abilities from all my time staring at lasers. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1158 Take me to the Pilot of your Soul. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1159 I’m taking you at your word that you also do this to my wife. 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1160 Now you get on the floor and eat canned meat and see how you like it. 1.2698 0.04278 126 94 30 2
1161 What ARE they teaching her in cat obedience class? 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1162 By the power vested in me by Bastet, I appoint you opener of the sardine tin. 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1163 Ambien just makes it so easy.... 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1164 The Hog Comes On Little Man Feet. 1.2698 0.05214 126 101 16 9
1165 Why your vet cannot understand why Snookie is so fat, ("YOU WILL OPEN A CAN OF CAT FOOD FOR ME MEOW"). 1.2698 0.04278 126 94 30 2
1166 midnight rayed on the fridge. 1.2698 0.04424 126 95 28 3
1167 Yes, that’s the ticket. Then use your thumbs to open the cat nip. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1168 It’d be easier for both of us if you just left the tuna in my bowl. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1169 You had leftover seafood, right? 1.2687 0.04125 134 100 32 2
1170 The superior mind triumphs! 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1171 I am weak, I am a human. 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1172 ...one more step...stop...turn left...open door... 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1173 And he criticizes me for catnapping. 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1174 Alas, Fluffy's small frontal cortex meant that world domination would forever elude her. Cans of tuna, though? Oh yeah, baby. 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1175 Leftover salmon ... leftover salmon ... 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1176 Have you woken up from your catnap yet? 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1177 I never should have let you watch that documentary about Franz Mesmer. 1.2672 0.04029 131 97 33 1
1178 Must ... find ... can ... opener ... and ... 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1179 You were always under my control, human, you just never realized it (evil meow...). 1.2672 0.04029 131 97 33 1
1180 It’s really a power thing for me. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1181 This is the last time I buy Kreskin's cat. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1182 God needs milk. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1183 The at-home cat scan kit 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1184 This is what you get for calling me "Ambien". 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1185 “Resistance is futile, Jon! Bring out your laptop so I can binge-watch my favourite cat videos and catch up on mews headlines on Netflix!” 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1186 The real cause of sleep walking disorders 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1187 Little do we know that cats even control us in our sleep. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1188 I finally caught the laser point... Meowhahaha! 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1189 Wanna compete with your silly laser light? 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1190 You might have though you were going to get a midnight snack of ice cream, but I'm sure you'll love cat food out of those delightful little cans. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1191 Hey, cool it with the high beams! 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1192 You can do it Betty. Put the lasagna in the oven. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1193 Little did John realize but his new rescue was none other than"Hypno Cat", retired from show biz but still quite skilled. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1194 Hey Can Opener... look who’s got the laser pen now! 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1195 On the count of three you will open the refrigerator and give me some fish 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1196 It's alive! It's alive! 1.2672 0.05063 131 105 17 9
1197 Open the fridge and go back to bed. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1198 Now log into the smart fridge and reorder 100 cans of tuna. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1199 Hmm. Looks like I'll be going out tonight. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1200 Greetings, human. I have a quest for you. You see that fridge over there? 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1201 Snack time 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1202 Your opposable thumbs will obey my every command. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1203 Thanks to his Ring monitoring system Alien Abduction was ruled out as the cause of George’s many lapses of memory and missing time ... 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1204 You will now turn left and open the door. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1205 It had better be something important this time. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1206 Fritzi has now mastered soundless nocturnal mind control with special apps for fridge and can opener... 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1207 Must...Unravel...Sweaters 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1208 Focus now Andrew. T.S. Elliot wasn't kidding. We're called Jellicle Cats, we can literally do anything... except pirouettes on two legs... 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1209 Joke again about "catching some sleep", Frank. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1210 I can't believe I used to think laser pointers were fun. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1211 Where’s the dog when I really need him? 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1212 You will always serve me the Wild Alaskan Salmon, no more meow mix. 1.2672 0.04173 131 98 31 2
1213 Yes, my eyes are on a horizontal plane, yet the beams are arrayed vertically. Make something of it. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1214 Today started like any other day. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1215 Yes, human, now you uncontrollably follow the light around the room for my entertainment. 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1216 yeah narcolepsy - just open that door & we'll feast! 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1217 The dog has been put out—what next? 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1218 Yes Master... Your wish for fish is my command. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1219 This is a relief...I was kind of expecting an alien. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1220 He's cat walking-again. 1.2672 0.04945 131 104 19 8
1221 So you weren't just playing with that laser pointer? 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1222 Bring me the lasagna, Jon. Help make this Monday just a little better. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1223 I’ve been catnapped 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1224 Tomorrow night I'll get him to open the refrigerator. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1225 Damn it, Todd—I told you to unplug the cat after 3 o’clock. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1226 Now for some midnight chase-the-laser-red-dot. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1227 Aha, I will upload this delightfully cata-tonic event to YouTube as: The Cat who Loved Man Trancing 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1228 Let's make a deal. Tuna for two more hours of sleep. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1229 If only I'd noticed those words 'Rescue Location: Area 51.' 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1230 In the language of quantum mechanics,the refrigerator door remains open 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1231 What a YouTube moment. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1232 Open the fridge, take the cat food for yourself, and leave those chicken legs for me. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1233 I swallowed a mouse. Go get your own snack. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1234 You humans and your laser pointers are so cute. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1235 These cat calls are killing me. 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1236 I told you to stay away from the microwave. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1237 I must answer your call, but for the last time, get off the counter. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1238 You can turn off the Cat Signal now. 1.2672 0.04445 131 100 27 4
1239 When you wake up, you will feed me as much as I want. 1.2672 0.04311 131 99 29 3
1240 That's right. You're purring along just fine. Now, make your way to the can-opener. Afterwards, when when you hear the sound of my bell, you will return to a deep, deep sleep. 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1241 And now you're looking for the tuna can... 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1242 M-U-S-T. O-P-E-N. A. C-A-N. O-F. T-U-N-A. F-I-S-H. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1243 Think ... feed me tuna ... feed me tuna ... feed me tuna. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1244 I command you to open the fridge right meow 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1245 Only my skills with a can opener can set the tuna fish free...Only my skills... 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1246 Take me to your liter of cold milk 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1247 Here he comes again. Thank God for Ambien or I'd never fed. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1248 You're right. Better than kneading my nether parts with your paws. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1249 Cat. Deserves. Milk. Now. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1250 Now, reach for the container. And none of that soy crap! 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1251 You are in my power. Just get me a bowl of milk and nobody gets hurt. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1252 I am Tunaman. I am Tunaman 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1253 Now turn left, open the door, and grab the milk from the top shelf! Then, at the count of three... 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1254 This is the moment he will open a can of wet food for me and tomorrow will blame it on his wife. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1255 Must...resist...cat's power...think dogs, dingos, wolves, coyotes, canine teeth. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1256 Brought you here to open fridge! 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1257 Finally! Starting tomorrow, the dog gets cheap dry kibble only. You shall serve me only fresh, line-caught salmon or tuna, lightly poached in ancient glacier water, and seasoned with your tears. Return to bed now. Speak of this to no one. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1258 My name is 'Cat' and I desire Salmon...my name is 'Cat' and I desire Salmon... 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1259 My cat can has cheeseburger... 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1260 You're getting shrimp, please. 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1261 OK, Roger. Now get the milk... 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1262 Cat fud...Cat fud...Cat fud.... 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1263 Feline telepathy 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1264 Must kill the dog... Must kill the dog... 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1265 Once again a slave to the tuna trance. 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1266 MICE KRISPIES,MICE KRISPIES 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1267 Another difference is that the Chuck Wagon doesn't have a tractor beam. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1268 These aren't the droids you are looking for, now pour me a bowl of milk. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1269 Get your credit card and purchase Andrew Lloyd Webber tickets, orchestra is preferable. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1270 You will open the refrigerator and feed the cat. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1271 Now pretend you're pushing a shopping cart. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1272 Must have cream...Must have cream... 1.2636 0.03653 129 101 25 3
1273 Sam had to do until Brian could afford to pay the electricity bill. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1274 Now you know what it's like to feel catatonic. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1275 Please, not the mouse salad again! 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1276 Tuna! Tuuuunnnaaa! 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1277 ....It is your only desire - to feed the cat -- to feed the cat...to feed the cat. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1278 Master McCatter uses laser eyes superpower to activate human-tool for midnight snacks. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1279 Blinded by the light, dressed up like a douche, he only looks this way at night. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1280 Closer... closer. Now take out the can opener. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1281 Good Boy, Good Boy! Now, just open the door and pour me a nice bowl of milk! 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1282 Must.....pour.....cream. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1283 He never saw it coming; a purrfect counter-attack. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1284 This new lamp is freaking me out. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1285 Yes, dear, I'll make breakfast. Seafood from a can sounds sexy." 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1286 Just because you need sleep, Kevin, does not mean you can take those useful thumbs away. Your thumbs are mine! 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1287 The story of Mister Whiskers and his seventeen hour nap. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1288 Power to the pussy 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1289 Now turn, now open the refrigerator door... 1.2636 0.04047 129 96 32 1
1290 Pussy Whipppppppppeeeedddddddd!!!! 1.2636 0.03816 129 102 23 4
1291 Smoked salmon, pâté, sautéed chicken livers, the dog must go. I hear and obey. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1292 '…good—now find a can….' 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1293 I will open the giant can now 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1294 Yes Master, I'll be right there with food. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1295 I... need to... open... a can of... tuna? 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1296 Look into my eyes, open the right refrigerator door, retrieve the salmon you have thawing on the second shelf..... 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1297 This new catatonic diet might actually work. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1298 Go to the refrigerator. Take out some ice cream. Put it in a dish for me. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1299 Too late, Fluff realizes that his X-Ray vision won't stop zombies. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1300 This is the last time I'll buy cat food at Pet Smarter! 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1301 I command you to get me the catnip. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1302 More fish is your demand... 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1303 Now open the refrigerator and take out the milk. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1304 Liver... you have a strange craving for liver... and milk. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1305 You will now open the fridge and remove the roast chicken. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1306 Now slowly head over to the litter box. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1307 You are directed to clean the litter box 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1308 Now I know why my dictionary says that cat eyes "make the cat a highly efficient predator." 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1309 OK, stop! Turn left, open door, remove tuna fish! 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1310 Now turn left and grab the handles 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1311 Cat hongry 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1312 So meme-able... 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1313 My ray beats your ray everyday. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1314 Must...feed...her...highness! 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1315 That’s right, Steve. Now grab the can of wet food. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1316 Must...feed...cat...and...empty... litter...box 1.2636 0.04194 129 97 30 2
1317 now open the fridge, take out the milk and then finishing digging those graves 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1318 You have an overwhelming urge to open the fridge and give me the lox there in 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1319 What time is it..wet cat food time What time is it...wet cat food time 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1320 You will open frig for me and not remember a thing. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1321 I saw the light!!! 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1322 Bring me the Fancy Feast. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1323 Your cat feeding procedure is more agreeable since you cataract surgery. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1324 Put the disemboweled mouse on Susie's slipper, but you're not to take credit. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1325 Aye, beam him over, Scotty! 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1326 Dear Diary: Sleepwalked for the 5th time this week, and the cat keeps managing to open the fridge. 1.2636 0.04336 129 98 28 3
1327 Finally, proof of feline-induced catatonic sleep walking. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1328 Because you look like Don Knotts, you will now act like Don Knotts. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1329 Murphy knew his catnip was laced... he was just taking advantage of it. 1.2632 0.04640 133 104 23 6
1330 You're going to milk that hypnosis course you took for all it's worth, aren't you. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
1331 Tonight will be a memory too... And a new day will begin 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
1332 FYI Cat People: Cat's can't really do this. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
1333 After years of ignoring Fiona's demands at her favorite feeding time, Roger finally fell victim to the power of purrsuation. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
1334 Beam me-ow Scotty 1.2581 0.04416 124 95 26 3
1335 Must have tuna......must have tuna.....must have tuna... 1.2581 0.04265 124 94 28 2
1336 Hello servant-human. I am Cat God. Make me a fish sandwich. 1.2581 0.04416 124 95 26 3
1337 The spaceship leaves in five minutes. But first give me some more of that Fancy Feast. 1.2581 0.04416 124 95 26 3
1338 Must remove dog. 1.2578 0.04331 128 98 27 3
1339 Yes, the caviar, bottom right shelf... 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
1340 Look into my eyes... I not on the counter again... not on the counter again... 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
1341 Leave ham sandwich on kitchen counter...zzzz. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1342 I should have learned how to purr like his ring tone years ago 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1343 You will take me to that musical. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1344 Go back to bed, we're out of milk 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1345 My new password... will be... Fluffy@9%$Zx&P37!1 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1346 The dog must die. The dog must die. 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1347 Yes, Master. Fido shall be expelled from the kitchen! 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1348 Feed the cat. Feed the cat. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1349 Edwin wondered why his somnambulism always involved opening tuna tins. 1.2541 0.04286 122 93 27 2
1350 It's true, cats really do see in the dark. 1.2541 0.04286 122 93 27 2
1351 Open the fridge. See salmon leftovers??? Yeeeeeees!" 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1352 That's a good boy! You want sushi and you hate to eat alone. Purrfect! 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1353 want money back...from cat...hypnosis book. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1354 How many times have I told you to turn on the dimmer as another approaches? 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1355 Think of this as karma for tormenting me so much with that laser pointer. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1356 What shall it be this morning, Max, the chicken or the fish? 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1357 Show me how you catwalk. 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1358 You will proceed to make me smoked salmon with Norwegian Kippers! 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1359 'Bout time you understood the equation: Cat = Master 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1360 The Power of Meow 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1361 No wonder you were put up for adoption. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1362 NOW REPEAT AFTER ME, ITS TIME TO PUT THE DOG DOWN... 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1363 I will feed the cat and then I”ll go back to bed and remember nothing. 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1364 You are not fooling me. I'm telling mommy. 1.2541 0.04286 122 93 27 2
1365 Nine lives is nothing compared to this." 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1366 I’m so thirsty I could eat a bowl of milk. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1367 ...and I want you to fetch me a live mouse, a dead fish, a bowl of milk, and a female cat on heat! 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1368 Take the dog to the pound. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1369 My trained human seems quite cat-atonic! 1.2541 0.04286 122 93 27 2
1370 Zom-b-line for the feline. 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1371 Trcatorbeam 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1372 Let's see you chase the laser for 45 minutes. 1.2541 0.04286 122 93 27 2
1373 You feel sleepy but before you lie down open a can of Tuna Fish. 1.2541 0.04125 122 92 29 1
1374 Yessss - You will place the warm milk in my bowl now. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1375 That’s right, you are craving warm milk. Maybe a little cat nip too. 1.2541 0.04125 122 92 29 1
1376 Yes, Master I'll you how to use the can opener. 1.2541 0.03504 122 96 24 2
1377 Catastrophe reins as Tabby orders another post midnight snack 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1378 You're getting closer! 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1379 Must...adopt...another...cat." 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1380 You are doing great. Now open the right hand door and remove the shrimp. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1381 It's working - QVC rocks! 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1382 Kitty's house. Kitty's snack. Kitty's rules. Nice Kitty. 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
1383 You are getting up early ... very early ... 1.2541 0.04286 122 93 27 2
1384 That's right, Andrew, you compose Act II tonight! 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1385 Why run after a stupid canary? The Acme “Book of of Hypnotism” has changed my life! 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1386 I am here, kitty, kitty. I am here, kitty, kitty. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1387 Relationships are all about working through pain. This morning she shat on my bed, now i'm getting her a treat. 1.2541 0.03958 122 91 31 0
1388 That's right . . . That's right . . . You're now a pescatarian. 1.2541 0.04125 122 92 29 1
1389 -Morris,that was the computer mouse! 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1390 Pay back's a bitch Ellen 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1391 must...buy...innumerable television sets with large boxes 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1392 The radioactive pizza worked! Now I can quit my desk job. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1393 At that moment, Jorel knew that Supercat was a terrible idea. 1.2540 0.04207 126 96 28 2
1394 At least now I’m ready for the fridge light. 1.2537 0.04196 134 103 28 3
1395 You are getting very feeeeed me. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1396 Bear in yard, put dog out, go to computer order ten cases tuna, change will leaving all to cat, no baby talk ever again,...…….. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1397 Where's the tuna Dave? 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1398 This explains why I was dreaming of tuna 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1399 I will kill the dog...I will kill the dog...I will... 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
1400 I am a pussy, I am a pussy 1.2500 0.03501 120 95 23 2
1401 Very good, Robert. Now open the drawer, take out the knife and stab the dog. 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
1402 Must..trust..cat, must..feed..cat, must..let..cat..outside 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1403 Turns out this was all I had to do to have the use of opposable thumbs. 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
1404 Who keeps putting this prismatic cat infront of the kitchen night light? 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
1405 That’s right, now open the tuna. 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
1406 Second drawer down for dry food! 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
1407 That's right big boy, can opener, top drawer." 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1408 WOAH! Chill it with the high beams 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1409 Muffin hypnotized Bob at 3:38 a.m. every night. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1410 I will take out the roast chicken. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1411 Step one: infiltration Step two: conditioning Step three: world domination 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1412 Now, roll over! 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1413 I command you to eat the dry food. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1414 That’s right! Give me food human!!! 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1415 Must obey pussy. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1416 And ... you will bring food! 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1417 Another thing true about cats. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1418 When did we get a cat? 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1419 You will teach me to use the can opener. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1420 Yes Mittens....Take me to your litter. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1421 Must buy catnip. Must buy catnip. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1422 You will open the refrigerator door. You will not remember. That is all. 1.2500 0.04142 120 91 28 1
1423 Here Kitty Kitty - bitch. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1424 Finally, Muffin achieves 24 hour control. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1425 Can we stop with this now? I promise I'll bring home wet food tomorrow. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1426 Repeat after me: "I WILL always leave a spot for my darling kitty on my laptop keyboard, and I WILL always pet him exactly 27 times--no more, no less." 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
1427 I dreamt I heard a can opener. 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
1428 I’ll make you any snack you want - please just let me go back to staring at my phone 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1429 I don't care that you can't sleep. You can't pet the pussy. No means no! 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
1430 Kibbles n' Bits, Kibbles n' Bits. 1.2480 0.04349 125 97 25 3
1431 Go to the cabinet, get a can, open it, and put it in a bowl. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1432 Behold, the Pavlovian Effect is complete. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1433 Catatonic. Yeah, that's the word. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1434 He's always looking for Pussy. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1435 Sventabbi 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1436 You shall now fight for my affection all night, while I ponder whether to give it or not. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1437 Yes, come closer, you're under my spell. Now get the M I L K out of the frig. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1438 You will cluck like a chicken of the sea, then open one up. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1439 tuna! tuna!tuna! 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1440 This is either a really weird dream, or I need to teach you how to use the can opener. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1441 Open the CANNED stuff... I deserve the CANNED stuff... the dry stuff is for the dog... 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1442 Who forgot to turn off the Cat Signal? 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1443 This the part I love when he sleep walks and takes out the Milk! 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1444 It's time to make the catnip. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1445 Must...Make...More...Lasagna. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1446 Open the door...take out the pate..put it in my bowl! 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1447 Ha! I'm expected to raid the lawn in the dark for my midnight snacks! 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1448 I must feed the cat. I must feed the cat..... 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1449 Now open the fridge and take out that package of ground sirloin. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1450 You will open the cans in the pantry you will open the cans in the pantry you will open the cans in the pantry... 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1451 Catch the mice, bring me the mice . . . 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
1452 I hope he believes in letting spilled milk and sleeping dogs lie... 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1453 Get the can opener. Open all the cans. Set them on the floor and go back to bed. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1454 He loves it when I dance to Thriller 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1455 OK, Kevin, you are under my control now. First fill my food bowl to the the top. Then we will talk about getting a new pillow and then there’s way I like to be petted....and then....... 1.2479 0.04189 117 89 27 1
1456 Now open a fresh can, not the cold stuff in the fridge. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1457 well, as long as you're up anyway.... 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1458 Yes, yes, keep coming, you will find my food on the second shelf 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1459 Must...make...tuna...casserole... 1.2479 0.04189 117 89 27 1
1460 Where's the beef? 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1461 You are under my power, bring me some fresh salmon. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1462 Cats eyes certainly make night travel easier. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1463 Tuna! You need tuna! 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1464 You will never leave me alone in the moonlight. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1465 Now you must feed the cat, and not that gruel in the can. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1466 That's enough Youtube for tonight. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1467 Yes, master. One sardine sandwich on 7 grain bread with catnip aioli. 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1468 My rays make me feline attractive. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1469 I should have never gotten Mittens Lasik. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1470 Such a good boy. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1471 Yes master. I will move you litter box to the kitchen counter. 1.2479 0.04276 117 92 22 3
1472 Attention earthling! Tuna.. Tuna.. Must have Tuna.. now! 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1473 You are my staff, and be so forever! 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1474 Must...have...pate... 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1475 Your are sleepy, very sleepy. Peel me a mouse. 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
1476 Must ... scratch ... Fluffy’s ... butt. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1477 Oh goody, she’s catatonic. 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1478 You will remember nothing. There's a good boy, two more steps. Now open the refrigerator door. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1479 Toxoplasmosis 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1480 Must...find...the can opener. 1.2479 0.04189 117 89 27 1
1481 Catnip? Where did I hide the catnip? 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1482 Tuna Fish 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1483 You are nocturnal... You are nocturnal... 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1484 Feed me, clean my litter, pet my belly, and you can live here another day, feed me, clean my litter, pet my belly, and you can live here another day, feed me........... 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1485 Okay, one final instruction. Tomorrow, on my command, you will say: Mackerel? No, honey, remember? We decided not to buy it. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1486 Must...Get...Tuna! 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1487 If you wanted to sleep so bad, just leave the food out and I won't have to summon you like this. 1.2479 0.04276 117 92 22 3
1488 It's reflect, got it? Not project! 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1489 Fresh tuna steak, fre-esh tu-una steak! 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1490 Open the door on your left. Take out the container labeled milk. 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1491 Just walk past the light and towards the cat food. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1492 The dog is on the kitchen counter... hear me? The dog is on the kitchen counter. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1493 When I purr to 3 you'll serve the tuna. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1494 Remember that annoying laser toy you bought for me, well I swallowed it by accident. 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1495 While you're in there, would you pour me a saucer of milk? 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1496 Yes, my friend the cat, you deserve a midnight snack" 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
1497 I need to remember not to bring home leftover Sushi 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1498 So you think you can take "a little cat nap" during my dinner time, eh? 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1499 Thanks for all the laser pointing training! 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1500 You will now find the can opener. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1501 That’s right. Keep walking to the fridge, slowly... 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1502 Must take out the tuna, must take out the tuna... 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1503 DID YOU SLIP ME AN AMBIEN? 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1504 Lead me to the PEOPLE food, Marvin! 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1505 Turn left,open door,get leftover sushi. More instructions will follow. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1506 Now repeat after me, I will never again forget to feed you. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1507 Now open the door on the left,and pass me the milk. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1508 Aw, c'mon, you've already got my tongue. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1509 ("You will open the fridge and bring out the salmon.") 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1510 I have this recurring dream that my ex wife kept the cat. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1511 Take me to your leader. And some tuna fish. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1512 Must find milk, must find milk.... 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1513 You will buy me wet food only. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1514 Cat... food... must... find... cat... food... 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1515 Forget the catnip, I want the salmon leftovers. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1516 Mr. Kitty Witty perfects his role as Imhotep in the upcoming, much anticipated sequel, "The Mummy: Bastet Unbound." Coming soon. Advance ticket purchase recommended. Material may be disturbing to dogs, humans too. (Kitty Witty, seriously?) 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1517 Can opener, can opener, can opener; find the can opener 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1518 I wish I had nine lives. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1519 I wonder when this catnip will wear off. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1520 One bowl of diced chicken coming up, my feline master. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1521 Maybe now I'll get some milk. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1522 Must have some fish sticks. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1523 *sigh* ... me is cat 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1524 The salmon is in the Meat drawer, bottom right... 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
1525 Yes Morris, I will fetch the tuna sushi boat for tomorrow's party and then sleep for 16 hours. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1526 I know, I know. The salmon pate, then some half and half to wash it down. 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1527 You will remember *only* that the vet told you to feed me cream, chocolate and ice cream and never to bring me back again. Oh: and to laugh when I bite you and then pet and feed me. 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1528 Must... leave... glass... at... edge... of... counter... 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1529 Must have pussy. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1530 Must clean litter box. Must clean litter box..... 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1531 Get down off the counter Geiger 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1532 The tuna's gone, but, as long as you're up, how about changing my litter? 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1533 But wait, that’s not all Kate! This little kitty doubles as a night light...just pay shipping and handling...batteries included! 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
1534 The eyes have it." 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1535 Okay, damn it, I'll refill your bowl. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1536 I feel the need to pour milk in a bowl, and I do not know why. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1537 Ollie Ollie Kitty Free 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1538 Cat got tongue...and brain. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1539 Obedience training included how to hypnotize humans. I never go hungry. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1540 Need warm milk. Need warm milk. 1.2435 0.05180 115 94 14 7
1541 Hooray! I'm going to get fed breakfast twice today! 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1542 Multitasking during a catnap. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1543 You are still in my power. Go into the refrigerator, get the chicken and put it in the cat’s bowl. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1544 Yes...whatever...happens...will...blame...dog. 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1545 Hey, relax! Feeding me is a better side effect than driving. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1546 Make this Calico full again...make this Calico full again... 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1547 The use of telekinesis has been proven, in several decade long double-blind studies, to be beneficial for both man and animals. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1548 O-o-o-pen... 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1549 For God's sake, can't you just spit up a fur ball or chase a mouse now? 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1550 My own fault for agreeing to pet sit Superman's cat. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1551 When he sees me, he'll wake and drop the sausage. Works every time. 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1552 Cat bachelor thought he could be a cat lady ‘in his sleep’ but this ignorance would cost him dearly. 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1553 ....I should've gotten a dog 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1554 resistance is futile… 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1555 TeleCATnesis Abuse 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1556 Now lick yourself! 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1557 Puurfect! 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1558 Being catatonic really suits you! 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1559 I might as well take advantage of this sleepwalking thing 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1560 Must sell dog... Must sell dog... 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1561 Rude Awakening ! 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1562 Human "ca-tivity!_ 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1563 Fluffy wasn’t one to brood over having spent his first eight lives waiting to be fed. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1564 You WILL give me the marinating salmon in the refrigerator 1.2435 0.04020 115 87 28 0
1565 ... And then I wake up..... 1.2435 0.04205 115 88 26 1
1566 Why didn't I just get a dog? 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1567 Purrfect Catnap Vision 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1568 I wish for a fish in a dish. 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
1569 Definitely should not have gotten a pet with telecathic powers. 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1570 Not even in his dreams, John, MD, CAT scan specialist, could stop focusing on his job. 1.2435 0.04205 115 88 26 1
1571 Could you at least turn off your high beams? 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
1572 I must admit a small part of me remains relieved I never married. 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1573 Now, open the fridge and serve me my glass of milk. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1574 Misty! You are spending too much time near the microwave. 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1575 'Mind-Control' Parasite Toxoplasma Gondii strikes again. 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1576 We really are jerks 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1577 Warning: may cause catatonia. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1578 I have a sudden desire for tuna fish at 5:35 a.m. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1579 I guess the cat is out of the bag, my boss is sleep walking. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1580 First, tuna. Then the world... 1.2430 0.04372 107 82 24 1
1581 Must... open... freezer. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1582 This isn't the only pussy you'll be hypnotized by tonight. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1583 Food, human. And not that cheap stuff, either. 1.2407 0.04337 108 83 24 1
1584 Meow meow meow meow meow! 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1585 I just . . . fed you. I’ve not yet fed you. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1586 Hope he passes me by; I am destined to line a tennis racket. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1587 I should’ve just taught you how to use the cab opener. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1588 How may I provide you with excellent customer service this morning, Master? 1.2407 0.05403 108 89 12 7
1589 When you hear me purr, you will open the refrigerator and pour me some milk. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1590 Get. Cat. A. Tonic. Get. Cat. A. Tonic... 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1591 Of course--an alien! You always seemed an odd duck for a pet cat. 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1592 X 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1593 Can I have some of what you're having? 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1594 Hear no evil. See no evil. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1595 You look a little tense, relax, you’ll see that I’m a fair and just ruler... 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1596 When you awaken you will feel refreshed and will have no memory of having gotten up in the middle of the night to get me my favorite cat food out of the fridge. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1597 Open the tuna then stub your toe. 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1598 Dawn of the fed 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1599 No! Not milk and cookies, milk and sardines! 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1600 Now open the door and remove the salmon! 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1601 As he wondered in a somnambulistic state, Harold felt a strange force leading him to the cabinet where the cat food was kept. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1602 You go eat the crap you feed me 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1603 Even though they only live a short life, mind control cats make the most of it... 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1604 What is thy bidding, master? 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1605 ...good, good, now you will prepare the lasagna. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1606 Ugh. I hate catnaps. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1607 Excellent... Now to the left, to the left dang nab you! 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1608 Do you only let the president grab you? 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1609 Yes, yes... Now open the fridge you stinky bag of bones and fetch me some of that leftover lobster mac and cheese 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1610 Great. Jim is sleepwalking again. This is just purrfect. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1611 You have become the laser pointer. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1612 Filet mignon...filet mignon.... 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1613 Next time pick the cute little puppy with the sad face and not the scrawny little kitten with the twinkle in its eye. 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1614 I succumbed to kitty's powerful glow 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1615 So much for stereotypes, look at what I'm dragging out of the house. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1616 It opens the refrigerator and it takes out the cream... 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1617 Closer... closer... NOW OPEN THE DOOR!!! 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1618 He’s been watching too many episodes of “The Walking Dead” again. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1619 I have a sudden urge for fish with fresh cream. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1620 YES MASTER. A fresh can, cold water and litter change. 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1621 Dogs get washed, but cats do not. Dogs get washed, but cats do not. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1622 I am under your spell. I will transfer all my money into a trust account in the name of Snowball. Then I will scratch your neck and give you a delicious treat. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1623 Follow... light. Take... fish. Give... to... cat. Give... fish... to... cat. Give... fish... 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1624 Refill the food bowl – right meow! 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1625 You always run the show 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1626 Voice Controller: terminate sleep walking and turn off cat. 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1627 Just a few more steps to the meow food that you are sleep craving. 1.2407 0.03572 108 87 19 2
1628 Roger that—Initiating Phase 1. 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1629 Household cat induces catatonic state for owner to open 5 cans of tuna. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1630 Cat's... got... my cerebral... cortex. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1631 You belong to me, human! 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1632 When I get to zero you will take 4 salmons and 3 tenderloins out of the freezer.....3,2,1 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1633 Now on two, open the fridge and get me some tasty tuna" 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1634 I knew I should have gone with Sea Monkey's... 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1635 Scrambled or over easy? 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1636 Cat burglar or cookie jar? You decide. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1637 For my breakfast you must prepare bird au vin. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1638 I am your master. You will now kill the dog. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1639 New bowl of food, top off the water, and tighten up the kitty litter if you could. 1.2389 0.04029 113 86 27 0
1640 I am a dog,I am fun. I am a dog.i am fun. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1641 That's right, stop here. Now you will open the door and get out the roast chicken. Then go back to bed and we'll do it again at 8am. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1642 Midnight snack... tuna on rack. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1643 Tuna fish. Tuna fish. Tuna fish. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1644 Must… drink… from… sink… 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1645 It will be my pleasure to serve you. But we have no fresh mouse liver. Will wild-caught salmon be acceptable? 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1646 Must...bake....lasagna 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1647 Late for work excuse #423: demon cat demanded midnight walz near in the near presence of food. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1648 Roger... Roger... You are now under my control, Roger. I, Fritzy, am your new Master. We are now psychically linked, Roger, and you must do whatever I command without question. Do we have an understanding, then? Good, now bring me some cheese! 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1649 Must...open...a full case...of cans...at same time 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1650 Yes, Madam. I will get you a can of stinky stuff you love so well. Forgive me for keeping you waiting. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1651 Open the door and take out the round can with the fish picture on the side. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1652 Open the door, open the door, find the tuna fish, find the tuna fish 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1653 Right on time I'm starved.... 1.2389 0.04221 113 87 25 1
1654 I really need to get you a scratching post. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1655 I require some prime rib, and remember, you fed it to the dog. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1656 Post a video of me on the Internet you will. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1657 Now slowly open the frig., take out the salmon and place it on the counter beside me. Return to bed and do not remember any of the moment. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1658 Good boy! Shave fifteen seconds off your response time and we’re golden. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1659 My poop is your command. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1660 Repeat after me: “I feel very frisky”. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1661 Cat food is tuna, tuna is cat food. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1662 What's a matter, Mitch? You look a little catatonic... 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1663 Catnip. Catnip! Show me where you hide the catnip. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1664 I will go to the kitchen and feed you chicken livers, I will go to... 1.2389 0.04221 113 87 25 1
1665 The cupboard, then the can opener... 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1666 First, get the can opener. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1667 Mr. Bojangles can has cheezburger. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1668 And when you wake you will take the blame for everything forevermore. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1669 The salmon is in the refrigerator. Place it on a plate and then on the floor and go back to bed. When you awake, you'll remember nothing of this. 1.2389 0.04221 113 87 25 1
1670 Here Joey Joey. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1671 Yes, master. My tuna's in the can. Your tuna's in the oven. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1672 I love when he Sleep-snacks... It’s a Beeline for the Ice Cream, leaving the rest out for me 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1673 Please! Not another bath...I can't stand the hairballs! 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1674 Must ... give ... cat ... ahi ... 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1675 The stupid baby has to cry to get the milk, all I have to do is turn on my laser eyes 1.2389 0.03616 113 89 23 1
1676 (cat fantasy, an artist's rendering) 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1677 ‘Who needs Spotify, when you’ve got Lazer Kitty at home?’ 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1678 Tuna... feed the cat tuna. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1679 Confession: I smoked your catnip, got any more? 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1680 It took you long enough...I'm bored! 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1681 Feed me, feed meow, feed me now! 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1682 Open the fridge, my human pet. 1.2389 0.04404 113 88 23 2
1683 The tuna is in the refrigerator, bottom shelf.... 1.2389 0.04221 113 87 25 1
1684 Just keep going. You're almost at the snack cupboard. 1.2389 0.04221 113 87 25 1
1685 Get me the leftover sushi-grade tuna from the fridge. Get me the leftover sushi-grade tuna from the fridge ... 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1686 now get me the tuna... 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1687 Oh, humans. A dog would've gone to him instead. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1688 (soft chant building in intensity) "Toona...Toona...Toona...Toona" 1.2364 0.04269 110 85 24 1
1689 Trump in 2020. Trump in 2020. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1690 Professor McGonagall, attempting to sway Brexit votes 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1691 Repeat after me, "now and forever, Cats; now and forever, cats . . ." 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1692 You will open the refrigerator and serve me milk and fresh fish. 1.2364 0.04269 110 85 24 1
1693 Must obey lord and master! Must feed cat prime beef! 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1694 Must find can opener. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1695 You WILL open the can! 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1696 Too bad he doesn't realize what us aliens did to him. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1697 You WILL get the tuna 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1698 Now, open the fridge! 1.2364 0.04269 110 85 24 1
1699 Open the fridge and pour me a larger than usual bowl of milk, accented with a generous mound of premium catnip. You will not remember this tomorrow. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1700 I need a can of liver and chicken dinner, I need a can ... 1.2364 0.04269 110 85 24 1
1701 You will open the fridge and get me that leftover salmon! 1.2364 0.04069 110 84 26 0
1702 One dish of milk and a sardine, coming up! 1.2364 0.03636 110 87 22 1
1703 We've got to stop eating like this. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1704 When you wake up you will spill milk and kill the dog 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1705 You will open the fridge. You will share with the cat. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1706 Ambien has made you my slave, Doug. Now open the fridge and get the whipped cream. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1707 Thats it, come on. Just a few stoeps more. Now open the can and put the food on my dish 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1708 Milk or gin? 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1709 Yes Chester... you will open the can and present it to me. Good Boy Chester.... 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1710 I hear you Bast...and obey. Giblets right away. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1711 FEED THE CAT!! 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1712 Trump isn't so bad. Trump isn't so bad. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1713 Good evening... The litter box awaits. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1714 now assemble me a bed out of your macbook keyboards 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1715 What would I do without you! 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1716 I’ve never seen such poor posture on a catwalk. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1717 If cats had initiative... 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1718 Now you'll make me lasagna 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1719 Fluffy knew she was risking exposing her entire race, but she really needed that tuna. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1720 Now take out the salmon sushi and a nice medium - bodied white from southern France. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1721 He’s sleepwalking again! I get another meal. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1722 Suffer little humans to come unto me. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1723 When the kids wanted a snack before they went off to college, at least they got their own. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1724 Show me your hairballs. 1.2364 0.04069 110 84 26 0
1725 You are not a very bright human, are you? 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1726 Where did you hide my treats? 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1727 Bruce, go make me a tuna sandwich. Then go use my litter box. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1728 ..."now find the can opener." 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1729 You want chicken. You want liver..... 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1730 Fucking cat. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1731 Look at my eyes, look only at my eyes. Now, open the fridge! 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1732 I will dump the cat treats onto the floor, I will dump the cat treats onto the floor... 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1733 Dave, I'm right here... you don't need Tinder. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1734 Once again, I have hypnotized him to open the refrigerator! When he eats the cake, I'll grab the yummy ham! 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1735 We can't all survive on catnaps. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1736 I'm looking for the refrigerator. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1737 Incredible what my wife just got on Amazon. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1738 Yes, master, I will bring you the salmon and remember none of this when I wake up . 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1739 Now I'm the one who needs a rescue. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1740 When the witch died, she left him her very talented cat. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1741 Kitty deserves wild-caught salmon in exchange for getting down from the counter." 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1742 I CAN has cheeseburger... 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1743 It was a mistake to adopt the Jedi Cat named: Obi-Wan-Can-of-Tuna 1.2364 0.04269 110 85 24 1
1744 I told you we wouldn’t regret my cataract surgery. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1745 Must find can-opener. Must find can-opener ... 1.2364 0.04069 110 84 26 0
1746 Kill the dog 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1747 The Cabinet of Calico Kitty 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1748 I hope your litter box is clean. 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1749 The cat needs an ice cream sundae, the cat needs an ice cream sundae. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1750 Reincarnated as a cat, Svengali soon controlled the Johnson's tuna fish and catnip supply. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1751 Neuter the dog. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1752 YES!... I must give my kitty treats... 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1753 You're wasting half your powers on my neck. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1754 He’s trying the old “I can’t see you” ploy again. Then he grabs me, and it’s the stinky, sticky, flea medicine again. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1755 Come feed me, pet me, you are in my control, you fool ! 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1756 It seems the enabler has become the enabled. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1757 Turn left, Pull door Open, Turn left, Back to bed... 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1758 Meat, the cat wants meat! 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1759 And meow, for his nightly Cat-a-Tonic. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1760 No not the refrigerator. The garage. I've already got the car running and I've made sure the garage door is closed. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1761 You are commanded to give me Salmon. 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1762 Droning, "Make - For My Cat Whiskers - The Kitchen Great Again..." 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1763 Sure, go ahead, look up what cats symbolize. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1764 Mew, mew, just listen to me: Feed the cat, feed the cat... 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1765 You will open the fridge and give me the fresh salmon!" 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1766 For your information, I was getting up to open a can of tuna anyway. 1.2315 0.05361 108 90 11 7
1767 ''Yes... just a bit closer to the tuna.....'' 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1768 You are sleeping. You are under my spell. Dig out all the fish, red meat and treats you can find. Then go back to bed. You will remember nothing in the morning. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1769 You will take down the cat treats and remember nothing of this in the morning... 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1770 First bring me the box of kitty treats, and then for Bast's sake stop watching so much cable news. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1771 I guess this explains why my fingers always smell like fish in the morning. 1.2315 0.04077 108 83 25 0
1772 Yes, you really want to get a saucer of milk and place it on the floor! Then pet the cat! 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1773 Chicken or salmon, chicken or salmon, chicken or salmon? 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1774 You shouldn't sleepwalk unless you have my superior cat night vision. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1775 OK, I’ll get you some more food. But I really thought your owner meant something else when she said I would be up all night with her insatiable pussy. 1.2315 0.05361 108 90 11 7
1776 Diagnosis. Catatonic. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1777 Its a cat nap. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1778 While you're up Mister President go ahead and grab me something to eat. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1779 You will feed me now! 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1780 I promise, he's not playing dead. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1781 You scared me! I thought you were a cat burglar. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1782 Welcome to your Prime membership, Snookey. 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1783 Fifi loved playing cat and rouse. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1784 Must open pate. Must open pate. 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1785 Two hungry souls with one objective 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1786 Am I a mouse or a man? 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1787 Now you know why dogs are man’s best friend. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1788 Master your meow is my command. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1789 Ambien is the key to a good Jedi mind trick 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1790 Max, please recognize that one cat’s tonic supper is another man’s catatonic stupor. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1791 Now, a little to your left, and open the refrigerator door! 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1792 So, it was the cat’s fault? 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1793 Oh yes Miss Mittens, see here, see here, you shall have some pie! 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1794 I've finally met a man who's attracted to me. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1795 I would feel used but I am too tired. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1796 Kibble, kibble! 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1797 You're mine meow. 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
1798 The milk is on the left side. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1799 I'm sorry for being late to your 4:30 feeding. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1800 The next morning Brad was happy to learn he could return the cat - and go back to using Alexa. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1801 E-Z on the C-A-T-S-U-P 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1802 You will open a Wells Fargo bank account first thing in the morning. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1803 Now turn lett 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1804 And you thought it was the sleeping pills... 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1805 Would you prefer the kibble dry or with broth? 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1806 There is so much less drama with dogs. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1807 Turn left..open fridge..top shelf.. tuna.. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1808 Yes, just a little farther, my treats are just past the fridge 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1809 Must…neuter…myself. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1810 'We should never have listened to that audio book on hypnosis together, Freddie!" 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1811 The sushi....is our secret. The gruyère is...our...secret...” 1.2294 0.04045 109 84 25 0
1812 Obey me - Open the Tuna 1.2294 0.04045 109 84 25 0
1813 You will render unto me the wet food. Always. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1814 I don't know why but I got the urge to put the leftover salmon from dinner and put it on the floor. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1815 I'm dog tired and ready for a cat nap. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1816 First, the catnip. Then, I get him to ignore the computer. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1817 Tractor beams beat tractor claws every time. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1818 Cat Power 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1819 All Dave could think and dream about was getting a little pussy in the kitchen 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
1820 You CAN teach an old zombie new tricks! 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1821 Must have Fancy Feast 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1822 This latest Amazon Echo update is killing me. 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1823 Milk is good for cats. Just open the refrigerator door" 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1824 You forgot your walker 1.2264 0.04084 106 87 16 3
1825 Send the dog to the pound. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1826 Ruffy, the evil twin of Puffy, the Hypnotist Cat. (an actual cat, google it) 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1827 My Kit-chen spell is upon you. 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1828 Ok, ok, I will open the fridge 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1829 Garfield's alter-ego Forcefield sometimes used his powers 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1830 I learned this from the teevee. He even buys my favorite brand! Alright -- once around the house, scare away the mice and then back to bed. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1831 When you wake up, you will remember nothing of this--except my instructions to lay in a steady supply of caviar. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1832 (should I or shouldn’t I) 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1833 I am a cat person. I am a cat person. 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1834 Din-din 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1835 My cat is my keeper... 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1836 First you will get me a bowl of milk, and then you going to kill the dog. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1837 Must ... add... mice heads ... to shopping list. 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1838 [It doesn't need a caption. Publish as is.] 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1839 First I want my food, then the world! 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1840 I must open that can. I must open that can. I cannot rest until I open that can. I must open that can... 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1841 Oh great. I see you and I'm turning you into a zombie. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1842 I've been waiting 3 years to scare the sh*t out of him! 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1843 And neither of us live here!! 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1844 How those 'gifts' your cat leaves on the mat each morning really got there. 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
1845 So it’s no longer enough to dance on my face when you’re hungry, now you’ve got to hypnotize me? 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1846 I thought animal magnetism wasn't your forte. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1847 Sending positive snack vibes your way 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1848 Why the drama? You could have tweeted. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1849 Excellent, excellent !! Now, just a very slight turn to the right and raise your arms a smidge. 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1850 Yes Master, I will fetch the catnip. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1851 Feed me, Seymour......FEED me all night long! 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1852 You will feed Queen Kitty giant saucers of tuna fish and milk. You will then take off your pajamas and dance a jig in the street. Only then can you squawk like a chicken. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1853 Ugh...we need to get on the same intermittent fasting schedule 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1854 Hermes using his powers for some nighttime snacking 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1855 Psychokinesis is strong with this one 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1856 I'm coming, honey. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1857 The light, I see it! 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1858 Devotion from me, indifference from you....Devotion from me, indifference from you... 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1859 Now YOU know how it feels to be abducted by aliens! 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1860 It wasn’t until he bought a catamaran that the doctors put 2 and 2 together. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1861 I miss being a dog-person. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1862 Like the pussy before him, Farley Kat once again subjected his will over an exhausted John in the middle of the night. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1863 I can't believe I almost didn't eat that remote control. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1864 Take a slight left turn, proceed to the route, open the right hand refrigerator door and your destinations will be on your right.WE have arrived at the tuna salad. 1.2243 0.04263 107 84 22 1
1865 This guy is a Textbook Catatonic 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1866 You want to kill the dog... repeat... you want to kill the dog. 1.2243 0.04051 107 83 24 0
1867 Doing good. Now, feed cat on counter... 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1868 It’s why we’re called mysterious. 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1869 ...and don’t forget the fresh squeezed lemon juice on the tuna fish. 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1870 Shrimp, yarn, and catnip; shrimp, yarn, and catnip.... 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1871 Yesss, Timmy needs tuna. Yesss, Timmy needs tuna. Yesss, Timmy needs..... 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1872 No doubt about it Fluffy. You've got the power. And you scare the hell out of me. 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1873 Okay, but all I have is the stuff you liked yesterday. 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
1874 you have meowed. I have heard. I am here to serve master. 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1875 Fine! I'll see the Cats movie with you! 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1876 Laser eye surgery really works . 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1877 Cat on a hot tin cabinet 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1878 After 2 days, 6 hours, and 17 minutes, Fluffy wins staring contest. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1879 At 4:35 A.M. Marie Curie implements a more rigorous hand-washing protocol. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1880 Rover must learn to chase cars. Rover must learn to chase cars ... 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1881 So ! You wanna grab a pussy,do ya? 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1882 Tuna,Tuna! 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1883 Some loud Purrsian has drawn meowt of the bedroom, to the kitchen ca[t]binet to drink a little night-ca[t]p. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1884 So you can do this, but you can't learn how to high-five? 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1885 Good job, human. Now open the bird cage and play Cat’s workout playlist. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1886 Don’t pee on the floor again you pesky human, I don’t care if you’re tired, use the toilet bowl. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1887 It was more fun when I had the laser 1.2233 0.05150 103 85 13 5
1888 Yes, Master, only wet food. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1889 This isn't what I meant by a cat nap. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1890 I'm going to set out the chilled tuna casserole, and then return to bed. 1.2233 0.04124 103 80 23 0
1891 Hi there Stanley, maybe you shouldn't have put the leftover filet mignon in the fridge. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1892 We have got to get you an electric can opener. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1893 Love the Pouncing Hour! 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1894 Thank goodness you are home. I could not reach the frozen herring. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1895 Must...kill...Fido 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1896 Yeah baby, straight for the tuna.... 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1897 The Eye of Sauron has many channels, Frodo. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1898 If you'd please turn off your high-beams, I'd consider opening a can of wet food." 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1899 We're going to mix it up tonite. First the food, THEN the cat worship ritual. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1900 No you fool, the can opener. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1901 OK. Make it worth my while. Give me three wishes. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1902 More...cat...nip... 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1903 midnight booty call for some pussy 1.2233 0.05150 103 85 13 5
1904 The only possible reason for why people own cats. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1905 New mutation allows cats to direct you to feed them without needing to wake you up. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1906 ... now take the can of tuna from the cupboard ... 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1907 Ha, and he thinks it was the Russians who rigged the election. Now for that cheeseburger 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1908 Keep watching my tail. You will spill the milk on the floor! 1.2233 0.04124 103 80 23 0
1909 Ah ha, it worked. You are under. Now you will open that refrigerator and give me that lobster in there. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1910 You will get me the Ocean Whitefish and Tuna Feast pate, go back to bed , then do it again at 7! 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1911 We're out of canned tuna, so... 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1912 Must get milk, not almond milk, not soy milk, not lactose-free milk, not coconut milk....maybe hemp milk 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1913 SIGH ... Fooled another night by the sassy ESP message ' Hungry pussy in the kitchen needs to be fed ASAP' ! 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1914 As a sleepwalker’s dream, you’re more like a nightmare. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1915 Feline induced sleep insomnia, a condition medical science could never fully explain, haunted Carl whenever he overindulged in hot tamale sauce. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1916 Tuna? Tuna? I don't even like tuna. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1917 I must enquire about his sleeping habits. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1918 Somehow I have to find my computer and order cat food. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1919 Get me Poultry Platter and Sea Captain's Choice, and don't stint on the portions, please-meow. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1920 I will awaken with no memory of first breakfast. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1921 Top ten, baby. I cannot wait to upload this. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1922 You're almost too tired to open the Murphy bed on your left. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1923 What was I thinking? Tuna stays freshest in the sink. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1924 Did my nightly howls and knocking glasses over finally wake you up? Good. Now feed me, I'm hungry. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
1925 I must kill the dog. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
1926 Same Cat-time...Same Cat-channel! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1927 Open the freezer compartment, go get the dog, put the dog in the freezer, close the freezer compartment, and go back to bed. Good boy! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1928 After I swallowed the flashlight I realized I could beam you up, Kirk. 1.2212 0.04089 104 81 23 0
1929 Take me to your leader... box. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1930 Come feed me Gerald 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1931 You better cut that out, you're down to 3 left. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1932 I'm really getting my money out of that hypnosis classes." 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1933 I have grown to believe that I have no control over my actions due to my cat’s hypnotic powers...just like it is with breasts. I guess I was spot on when I named her Mae West. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1934 Kibble...open the bag of kibble 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1935 Fix a big bowl of cream and go back to bed. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1936 You will obey my every command, which means you will leave me alone forever. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1937 Cat nap Nip...Cat nap Nip... 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1938 You will now serve your master. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1939 The cat videos were just the start of an elaborate plan to control us." 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1940 I "Tabby The Great", specializing in hypnotic dinner suggestions, strikes again! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1941 Will you marry me, gorgeous, but first please show me the way to the litterbox? 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1942 Much to learn you still have, my old Padawan. This is just the beginning. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1943 Who’s got the laser light now, Karen? 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1944 And when you do I will 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1945 This night light is strangely compelling. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1946 Must - open - tuna - must - open - tuna - 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1947 More kibble. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1948 Yes,master 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1949 You will photograph my good side for social media. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1950 Must have catnip. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1951 Oculos habent et non videbunt 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1952 Must...never...buy...cucumbers...again. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1953 Obey your master, take the fish and chicken out of the refrigerator cook it and serve it to me on a platter. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1954 No, there is no reason you should not have the tuna casserole. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1955 Now you can only eat from the litter and the fridge is mine! 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1956 You’re just as good as a dog. You’re just as good as a dog... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1957 I am the human whisperer. You will meet my every desire. Come to me, Human. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1958 Whatever Luna wants, Luna gets. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1959 my lucky night, he always leave the door open 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1960 Oh, and you won't remember this in the morning. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1961 Cat has powers, human serves cat, cat wants milk." 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1962 Let's see how YOU like using kitty litter. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1963 At once shall I serve you your trout amandine, O Master. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1964 Garfield casting a glamour on John. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1965 That Whiskers is a real Dave magnet. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1966 How the Internet came to be . . . 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1967 I'll do anything you want -- after coffee. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1968 Open door! Give me fish! 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1969 It's 3:00 AM. Why am I craving Milk? 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1970 Tonight...How about I use your commode, and you take a spin in my litter box... 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1971 Must neuter dog then put him up for adoption... 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1972 Must have treats, must have treats...meow." 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1973 Why do I keep having these irresistible cravings for tuna in the middle of the night? 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1974 You will feed me, you will pet me, you will send the dog packing...you will obey my commands 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1975 What cats do while we're asleep. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1976 zzzzz now open the human food can and extract raw fish! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1977 Now a quarter turn left, open the fridge then... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1978 He can never figure out who's been eating the caviar! 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1979 Yes Glowing Cat, I’ll get your breakfast as soon as I finish doing the Macarena. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1980 We don't need no stinkin' Sharpies! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1981 Lick my balls.... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1982 Yes, kitty snacks do improve our urinary health! 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1983 Yes, Master Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed. Tuna, hold the mayo. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1984 Don't ever wake me up from one of my eight naps. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1985 The cat food is in the bottom drawer! The cat food is in the bottom drawer! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1986 Look into my eyes. You are now in my power. You are getting sleepier and sleepier.... 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1987 Round the Clock - Laser Patrol Duty! 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1988 Come open the cupboard door and fetch me a container of Tuna. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1989 I can stroke my pussy in the dark. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1990 Let the dog out of the freezer, please. It was an accident. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1991 I'll feed you right after I eat your brain. 1.2212 0.04089 104 81 23 0
1992 The man who hated cat trancing. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1993 Hello Kitty, I must have forgotten to feed you. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1994 Yarn. Must ball yarn. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1995 Poor guy, spends every day grocery shopping." 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1996 You could've just sent an email, right? 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1997 Just stay there, I’m relying on moonlight to get us both to the fridge. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1998 I must not waiver. POTUS is still the cat’s meow. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1999 I love watching a human on man-nip! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2000 Nocatmbulism. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2001 You eat any of my salmon paté, and I'll scratch yer eyes out! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2002 He thinks he has hypnotized me. As soon as he touches me I'll screech and run. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2003 Who are you attracted to if not to me? 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2004 Feed Me You Feeble Minded Sac of Sadness 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2005 I can’t sit here all night. You are going to have to buy a torch 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2006 An example of hex-ray vision 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2007 When I make eye-contact with my sleep paralysis demon at 3 a.m.​ 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2008 There is something wrong with our Catpullist society. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2009 Four legs good, two legs bad, four legs good, two legs bad... 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2010 Look into my eyes. You WILL become cat-atonic! 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2011 I’d really like to start living some of my nine lives than be stuck here as a nightlight 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2012 Come to me-owwww … you want to give me me-iillllk … …. come to me-owwww. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2013 That’s right, you’re only sleep walking. Meow, imagine the fridge is your litter box. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2014 Must...find...Catnip. Must...take...Catnap. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2015 Yessss...Now, you will eat the catnip! 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2016 Time to cook the fish... catnip sauce will be nice... should poach in milk... 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2017 This dream is the cat's pajamas. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2018 You do not see me. I am not in trouble. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2019 Thanks Percy, my ophthalmologist said I need laser treatment. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2020 Now I know why I'm so tired every day! 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2021 ..And when you wake up in the morning, you will have no memory of opening the fridge door... 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2022 Fuzzy’s latest version of the cat burglar. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2023 I'm ready for America's Got Talent 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2024 Oh man, in the pads of my paw. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2025 Since when do you sleepwalk with your eyes open? 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2026 Where’s the cream? Where’s the cream? 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2027 I'm can't get the hang of this cat-nappin' 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2028 Ignore my hunger cries again, will you? 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2029 OPEN DOOR, MILK, SAUCER, FLOOR! 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2030 Command me, master: what shall I do to that pesky dog next store? 1.2212 0.04089 104 81 23 0
2031 ''I'm sleep-walking. The cat's sleep-waiting: soon I will open the refrigerator, and her dream cream will pop out." 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2032 It's 3am. I am here to give you attention. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2033 Strange.....I could go for some ocean whitefish and sauce..... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2034 Kill the dog, Dave. Yes, Hal. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2035 So that's where the milk went! 1.2212 0.04089 104 81 23 0
2036 Go to the cat treats, go to the cat treats . . . 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2037 Phase one is complete. Phase two, find the can opener. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2038 Meow, meow, meow... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2039 Oh great, I am now under the control of a different pussy. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2040 One down, seven billion to go. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2041 And now please say something 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2042 Stop! Open fridge. Get milk. Give to cat. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2043 You will disown the dog. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2044 You're going to rub your sweater all over me, fold it neatly, and place it in the clothes protector zipper bag in the back of your closet, where I am not allowed. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2045 I summon you to get me some cheese! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2046 I really liked it better when you were just a figment of my imagination. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2047 Saucers of milk, saucers of milk, saucers of milk. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2048 Must take batteries out of the cookie jar. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2049 I tried to warn you,Dave. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2050 Must find Claritin. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2051 ... and he still thinks dogs are better. 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2052 ...Must set up a trust fund for Felix...Must set up a trust fund for Felix... 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2053 I am here, kitty kitty. Your fish is my command. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2054 Maybe that last round of catnip wasn't the best idea. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2055 Must...stuff...dog...catnip...braise lightly. Then snuggles. 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2056 Cannot resist the power of the tracator beam. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2057 Boots the cat demonstrates why cats can’t be superheroes 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2058 Feed me, feed me, feed me. Then forget that you did and feed again in the morning. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2059 Refrigerator...left door. 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2060 You'll now proceed to make a tuna sandwich. 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2061 Human, you will do as I command...fetch the tuna. 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2062 You will serve me sushi right now! 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2063 You are changing your will to leave me all the real estate and two trout every day. 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2064 And now for the fanciest feast of all...man. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2065 You will now proceed to the cabinet where my food is kept, and open up every single can, place them on the floor, then return to your bed and fall into a deep sleep. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2066 I love the smell of wet cat food. I love the smell of wet cat food. 1.2178 0.04128 101 79 22 0
2067 Not the face, please! 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2068 Midnight Meow Mix here I come. 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2069 Need...more...cat...videos. 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2070 Kick dog. Lick cat. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2071 Dry or wet? What do you mean both? 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2072 You have no power over me.. I repeat, you have no power over me..” 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2073 Laser karma my friend . . . laser karma. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2074 Whatever you want, Cleopatra. I am yours. 1.2157 0.04323 102 81 20 1
2075 You use my litter box, I will use your toilet. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2076 Yes, master…Clean your litter box and carry you back to the bed. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2077 You really don't have to use the mind rays. I can smell it from here. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2078 This new app is fantastic! 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2079 Good! He’s headed right for my Purina. Now I can finally raid the fridge. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2080 Could you just go back to waving, please? 1.2157 0.04323 102 81 20 1
2081 I'll let the dog out. Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.” 1.2157 0.04323 102 81 20 1
2082 10 lives.......11 lives... 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2083 Heh Heh Heh, now doesn't he wish he had given me food... 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2084 Okay, okay, I saw the Cat Signal. 1.2157 0.04323 102 81 20 1
2085 Bring me a catfish head, meow 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2086 Don't worry, this isn't a cult. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2087 Cat people are on call. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2088 Here's looking at you. 1.2157 0.04323 102 81 20 1
2089 Somcatulism: a common affliction characterized by a strong desire to break out the kitty treats in the middle of the night. No known cause. 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2090 Now Stephen King, you will do what I tell you! 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2091 Another nice sleepwalk ruined." 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2092 Oh no. Last time he thought I was a cookie jar. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2093 I'd probably open the can even without the cosmic mind spell. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2094 How many brownies did you eat, Tim? 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2095 Tracker beam deployed....humanoid entering food storage area. 1.2143 0.04166 98 77 21 0
2096 I see you 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2097 Call me Snuggles one more time. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2098 Must get dog next time. 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2099 Please go back to bed. I have had enough cat-naps today, whereas you look dog-gone dead tired! 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2100 Must get cat food, cat food, .... 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2101 All your catnip are belong to us. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2102 Uh Oh, he's been at my catnip again. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2103 Visualize mackerel on a dish on the floor.... 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2104 Must...find...cat food....... 1.2143 0.04166 98 77 21 0
2105 Only beneficial effects for cats on Ambien. 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2106 Mr Whiskers now lives in Connecticut with Bob's wife and children. Bob retains visitation rights. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2107 Alexander's untamed appetite has finally lead to a meaningful discovery! 1.2143 0.04166 98 77 21 0
2108 Catnip, no we’re going for the good stuff . 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2109 Why . . . do . . . I have . . .this . . . overwhelming . . .desire . . .to. . . .open . . . .can . . . .of . . . . tuna. . . .fish . . . .??? Must . . . . open . . . .can . . . .open . . . . .can . . . . 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2110 Yes, the litter box should be in the master bath 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2111 I don't know, but what are you doing up in the middle of the night? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2112 My cat’s gotten really possessive since my girlfriend moved in 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2113 Good kiddy, I'll guide you to the treats... 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2114 Good boy Gary, get me the tuna from the frodge 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2115 Hey, grab me the salmon while you're in there 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2116 Never fails. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2117 James is 'catatonic' and couldn't be happier. 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2118 So this is what you learned at that obedience school? 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2119 Taaaaaake meeeeee toooooo your littttttter“. 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2120 Food...must eat cat food. 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
2121 Now.....open the door. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2122 Meow meow (that’s right), meow meow (keep coming), meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow (now open the fridge and take out that halibut).....purrrr (they’re so stupid). 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
2123 He's catatonic ... I'm the catalyst. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2124 My cat naps are taking me places... 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2125 ...good, good...meow, open the fridge... 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2126 Don’t know what’s going on in this one. The guy who drew it was probably on drugs. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2127 Feed me, see more 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2128 Now, take the big knife. And when I say 'meow', stab Rin Tin Tin! 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2129 I hate Mondays. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2130 I feel ..........strangely catty. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2131 Ugh, the dog said my eye-lights would stop zombies! 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2132 My laser eyes will stop this zombie! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2133 Ha, ha, ha! 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2134 Must use the litter box. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2135 Vat dos cat nip monster request, sire? 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2136 You realize that kitty is hungry and will open a can of tuna immediately. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2137 Zombie. Will. Feed. Zombie. Will. Feed. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2138 If I only had a dog! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2139 That's right. This is what 6G looks like. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2140 Must. Leave. Warm. Human. Bed. To. Imperil. Dumb. Ape. Body. To. Open. Small. Cardboard. Box. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2141 Mmmmilk ... mmmilk .... 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2142 4. Once your biscuit dough has rested, gently pull it from the bed... 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2143 Repeat after me, Marge: it's time to make the tuna canapés. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2144 You may have nine, but I'm making the most of my one. 1.2083 0.04167 96 76 20 0
2145 Hypnotized by a giant cat with oddly human eyes. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2146 You will keep the can opener going 24-7 and in return, I will give you a purr that broadcasts what you call love. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2147 Must... Reheat... Lasagna... 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2148 We thought she was sleepwalking, but she was giving her catatonic 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2149 And you thought you owned me, Kate Turner Swan, nurse at Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville,Tn.! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2150 You will make cat-a-tonic. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2151 you WILL get the catnip... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2152 Find the can! Find the can! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2153 Meow meow meow meow 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2154 Hypnosis and sleepwalking - great for my midnight tuna snack. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2155 The last time I dreamed of a Cheshire cat was when I was dating Alice 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2156 Take me to your Friskies 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2157 I’ve heard their night vision makes them good predators, but I didn’t realize it was a warning. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2158 return to me... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2159 You will take out the open can of cat food and feed me now. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2160 You will open the top drawer ... You will get out the can of PreMiow Kitty Tuna ... You will insert it into the electric can opener ... 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2161 Time for a cat nap 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2162 H-e-r-e k-i-t-t-y. H-e-r-e-'s s-o-m-e n-i-c-e c-r-e-a-m f-o-r y-o-u. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2163 You will open the fridge.... you will pour milk in saucer.... you will place on floor. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2164 This is exactly how it went down officer. The cat seduced me!" 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2165 Good kitty. Now please light my way to the fridge. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2166 Snickers was aware of the danger her zombie human posed. She loved him all the same. Still, her name didn't help. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2167 I will be a good boy, I will invest in mutual funds. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2168 Garfield channelled his inner Kaa to make Jon open the fridge door. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2169 When you come home in the middle of the night, and your cat knows what you did. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2170 Fluffy’s motion sensors helped Bob yet again. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2171 I know this was short notice but I have a change for the menus going forward. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2172 Tiger tiger, burning bright In the kitchen of the night Dip your lights you ruddy fool Don't you know the road code rule 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2173 Feed the kitty Feed the kitty Feed the kitty 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2174 Don't tell me. You're here to protect the kitchen. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2175 Now slowly, a left turn... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2176 Oh, its 4:35 again? 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2177 Purina before prostate. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2178 Make biscuits. Back to sleep. Make biscuits. . . . 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2179 Now turn left and open the top left door. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2180 I am your broker. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2181 If you stare at me for one more second, I'm having the vet remove your halogen light implants. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2182 It puts the food in a bowl. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2183 I never should have rubbed that beckoning cat lamp. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2184 There's nothing left. I ate the canary. 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
2185 If only we could get one of us into the White House. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2186 You could say I have a lot of pull in this house. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2187 Deep in a tuna craving, catatonic trance, Harold discovers resistance is futile. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2188 When the cats get hungry 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2189 Heck ya!! Right on schedule! ... (She wonders why she's gained 5 lbs)... but if I purr gently , she'll share the salmon they had for dinner...! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2190 Bob, I just want to have a little peace. And people say cats disturb at night! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2191 First, kitty chow....next, the world! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2192 Shut your eyes, and Trust in meeeeeeeeow... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2193 Here, human, human, human...Tuna time! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2194 Ambien really works! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2195 Tuna...tuna...tuna. I am hungry for tuna... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2196 please... just kill me and eat my eyes. I'm begging you... 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2197 Yes, my slave, who is whose pet now? 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2198 You will feed the cat again 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2199 Leftovers. Must eat leftovers. You will ignore the cat. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2200 Goooood, and in the morning, remember this was just some standard cat-ering 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2201 The tuna is on your left hands . 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2202 Now, walk on the ledge. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2203 Hello, “Master”! I see you’ve been up reading The New Yorker’s “stupid honky shit” * cartoons again... Wanna discuss it over a warm bowl of milk? My treat... 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2204 Come scratch my belly, Steve. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2205 One can bad, Two can good! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2206 Never underestimate the powers of a cat ! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2207 Cat food first. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2208 I said “cat walk” not “I walk” 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2209 More catnip, more catnip. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2210 Thanks Morris, I really need that glow before sunrise. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2211 Let loose the Tender Vittles. I hear and I obey. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2212 You know the kinda eats, the kinda red hot treats, the kinda sticky licky sweets I crave. FEED ME, SEYMOUR! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2213 Yes, Master...I will open the fridge...get the tuna... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2214 Meow...meow....my human is fully hypnotized by my purr! 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2215 Saturday night's dinner at the fancy restaurant; I'll order the pheasant-under-glass and doggie bag most of it for kitty. Yeah, that's the ticket. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2216 Yes, you want a midnight snack of lobster tail, raw egg and cod liver oil. Ummmmmm..... 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2217 It was clear that the family feline had catastrophic intentions, with her owner being in a catatonic state of mind. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2218 We'll see who's chonky. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2219 Open the pod bay doors, HAL. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2220 DAGWOOD - Please Help! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2221 Now, put the fresh salmon in my dish, then return to bed. You will not remember any of this in the morning. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2222 OK. OK. The catnip is in the hall closet. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2223 Never knew YOU could do that. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2224 Operation "Just Grab Them", by the pussy. 1.2083 0.04167 96 76 20 0
2225 Leap up on the counter and on to the refrigerator. Knock the clock off the wall. and run. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2226 It's about time. Open the fridge and get out the tuna! 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2227 Yeah, I’m a freaking claw enforcement hero 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2228 Must have Friskies Salmon Filet with Savory Sauce. Must have Friskies Salmon Filet with Savory Sauce. Must have Friskies Salmon Filet with Savory Sauce. Must have Friskies Salmon Filet with Savory Sauce. Must have.... 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2229 must have been only a cat nap 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2230 Who needs a damn hat, Walter thought to himself. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2231 Sleepwalker, awake! It’s breakfast time. 1.2083 0.04167 96 76 20 0
2232 I've never felt so CATatonic as tonight! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2233 Follow me into enlightenment. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2234 It is already morning? Oh, it was you my cutie cat come here. Cat - Meow..... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2235 Now I'm sure I'm the cat's meow! 1.2083 0.04167 96 76 20 0
2236 The power of cats compels you! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2237 Cat Your Friend; Hate The Dog! Repeat! Cat Your Friend; Hate The Dog! Oh.. and Kibble For Cat! NOW! 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2238 Somehow I feel like I'm the cat's pajamas. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2239 After feeding you special treats you will wag your tail and I will forget everything. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2240 Pusssy dreams! 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2241 As you wish, Master...sashimi three times a week... and the Dog MUST go... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2242 Like fishing with dynamite. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2243 If I could just program him to leave out the catnip... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2244 Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make meow. If that is granted, all else follows. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2245 First this, next a sphinx. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2246 Okay, Kitty, I give up. What do you want in the fridge? 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2247 You will come to fear the name “Mr. Whiskers.” 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2248 Sleep deprivation is a hell of a drug. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2249 I promise never to put your treats in the cabinet above the sink, ever again. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2250 What did she mean by ‘Greg’s into weird cat stuff’? 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2251 Don't give me that sleep walking crap.If you are going to get rid of me,at least give us both some dignity. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2252 Your wish is my command, you goddamn fleabag. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2253 Needed some backup, it’s about to blow up in here! 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2254 Now open the fridge for me, Harry 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2255 I keep having weird erotic dreams about tuna. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2256 Oh I need cat food and more cat food! 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2257 Cleopatra , it's 4:35 am for God's sake... 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2258 sleepwalking is what you get when you mistake a tiger for a cat. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2259 Must feed the cat all left over salmon. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2260 Behold! Your Lord requires of thee....wet food! 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2261 This is not the cat you are looking for... 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2262 Put my year's supply of catnip in the refrigerator. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2263 Give me the world, but first, kibbles 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2264 Damn your super powers Superkitty 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2265 Now just open a nice fresh can of cat food for me. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2266 Fortunately Dave's recollection of this refrigerator raid will be all but forgotten in the morning. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2267 Yes I do have Betty Davis eyes. Heidi Olson, New York City 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2268 Mr. Jones under the influence of excited catatonia. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2269 Now, for something completely different! 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2270 Open the cat food.....Open the cat food....then kill the dog. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2271 Why put me in a trance? All I did was get you neutered. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2272 Salmon...salmon...I will obey 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2273 Come, Master... Come 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2274 Show me your leader. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2275 You're "Bond " to my "Galore." 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2276 KNOCK IT OFF GEORGE, IT'S 3:30 IN THE MORNING" 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2277 Must...kill...laser cat 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2278 My midnight cat snack spell is working purr-fectly!" 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2279 (three hours following ingestion of 10 mg Ambien) “Your meow is my command. I will serve your midnight milk, master” 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2280 The catnip is on the second shelf. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2281 The cat that swallowed the canary and the man that didn't stop it 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2282 Yes,sir Aracat. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2283 Yes, Paul, you are reading my mind. Now open the fridge, and place leftover haddock with lemon sauce in front of me. Then go back to bed. You will not remember a thing. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2284 Unload the dishwasher, get the can opener, yes, master. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2285 And warm the milk, please 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2286 Wake up! Quality Control here. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2287 Mesmeria's a hypno-cat, you'll come when she wants cream, and wake up in the morning thinking it was all a dream. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2288 Rise and shine, it’s feeding time 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2289 Now who's "Cat-alepic" " 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2290 Cat: "And you blame me for raiding the fridge" 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2291 Time to make that hairball. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2292 Damn your mind control, Mr. Fluffy - I don't want to eat that last piece of red velvet cake! 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2293 This is a video still of me pretending that Scruffy has hypnotic powers. What you can't see is the spray bottle tucked in my waistband. That damn cat has to stay off the counters! I wish we'd adopted an aardvark. Burp! I'm Jerry! 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2294 Go to bed, go to bed, go to bed, go to bed... 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2295 How much milk do you want? 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2296 Okay, okay...I'll get you the milk if you can do something about my smoking. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2297 That hypnotism class cost $200 worth of catnip, but it was worth it. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2298 Turns out there was a reasonable explanation for Steve's sleepwalking. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2299 Get off the . . soft food, soft foood 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2300 Open the refrigerator... take out the tuna... 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2301 Must deliver treats. Must deliver treats. Must deliver treats. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2302 But I already fed you. . . . Fed you. . . . I’ve not yet fed you. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2303 Cat got your tongue. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2304 .....and now you will remove the half-and half, and fill my water dish with it, and then take the Coffee Mate and pour it down the drain." 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2305 What took you so long? Open up the frig already. It's past my bedtime. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2306 The will now shows you as the sole heir. What next master? 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2307 Make America Great...Give Me Tuna. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2308 Hardly an exaggeration. 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2309 my cat is always in the weirdest places 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2310 Please tell me that you have put away your Legos. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2311 Maximus, if you could really see in the dark you'd know I'm not up at 4:30 in the morning to feed you. I'm sleep walking. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2312 Human faces Catastrophic consequences for bringing a dog into a cat house. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2313 You still think that the law of attraction is a joke? 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2314 Dear Reader, It is a cat. There is no thought process sbut be assured it is about food. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2315 She's using The Look! Must open tuna! 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2316 Ok. I'm sorry I got you neutered. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2317 Fluffy accidentally locked the fridge with her gamma mind control rays... 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2318 Doesn't he know he just walked through my litter box? 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2319 Dammit Felix! You've set off the motion sensors again! 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2320 Repeat after me: I will never be late for 4:30 a.m. feeding time again! 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2321 The time doesn't matter John I said I'm hungry now 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2322 My paws are as clean as are your boots, my lord!” 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2323 Time to feed the cat, make cat videos, and do a wonderful wacky list of other cat centered stuff. 1.2043 0.04204 93 74 19 0
2324 Buying the laser for the cat was a terrible idea. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2325 Now get in your car and drive, Linda. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2326 Look into my eyes. Now open the fridge and take out my food. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2327 It’s never what you think it is. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2328 !Queso¡ Took long enough. You want to feed me cheese. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2329 First you get the can opener..." 1.2043 0.04204 93 74 19 0
2330 Top shelf, large can marked "Tuna", place it next to me. 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2331 Now when I count to three, kill the dog. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2332 Do not be fooled by that fake clock. It is high noon and time for my third feeding. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2333 More Cat Food... 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2334 The milk is in the fridge, the milk is in the friiiiidge.... 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2335 Yes, human—the can opener is right in this drawer. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2336 RIGHT ON SCHEDULE! 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2337 Suddenly, the need to feed! 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2338 He really should use his headlights. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2339 Must kill dog. Must kill dog 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2340 Somanbulist taking a cat nap 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2341 Give in to my temptation and feed me Temptations. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2342 Now open the refrigerator and chop up yesterday's steak and place it in a bowl in front of me. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2343 I am not a dog person. I am not a dog person. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2344 I hope I can find that cat- tonic... 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2345 Kitty purr-fects the cat call. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2346 Night of the undead tuna providers 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2347 Yes, master. Creamed tuna, at once. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2348 Maybe if I give him the heebie-jeebies with my X-ray eyes he'll give me some bitsies. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2349 After throwing a bit of light on this, I can confirm he's following his dreams" 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2350 I warned you I was snackturnal. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2351 'Not just for reducing road traffic accidents, I'll have a bowl of Whiskas please.' 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2352 Kick the dog. Kick the dog. Kick the dog. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2353 Milk...tuna...sardines... 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2354 Does this mean I'm like Muslim now or something? 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2355 DO NOT touch my chicken! 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2356 Meow. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2357 Good Morning, it is 3:35 AM in New York. Food is in the cupboard, can opener to my left. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2358 Think I sense a powerful source of positive energy somewhere here! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2359 Mission accomplished: Catnip in his water to wake him up, and now it's time to beg for food" 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2360 I think these Russian micro waves are 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2361 I love bumble bee, bumble bee tuna.... 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2362 The milk is in the fridge...The milk is in the fridge.... 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2363 Tibby, you’re really getting on my optical nerves. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2364 A saucer of milk, now! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2365 Think tuna 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2366 Now if I can just get the dog to beg me for treats we’re in business. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2367 Cat starvation, cat starvation... 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2368 Yes. Yes. Now all I have to do is scratch his eyes out and I can wear his head as a hat. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2369 Mesmerelda’s my name, hypnosis is my game, and catnip from the fridge is my bestest kitty trick. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2370 Good boy, now get me the car keys 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2371 Here Petey Petey 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2372 Hello, Dave. You will fetch the canned tuna. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2373 Sleep walking ... more like sleep calling 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2374 How am I supposed to sneak a snack when you have night vision? 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2375 Milk. Must have milk. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2376 Yes, cat master. I heed your call. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2377 Already glowing eyed demon, where are you and what have you done with my precious, sweet kitty cat! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2378 Yesss. Must drain the aquarium. Save the fish. They are all aqua-intolerant. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2379 I'm coming, I'm coming! Can't you see that I'm still asleep? 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2380 Leave me alone tomorrow from 9 to 5. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2381 Must... provide...Tender... Vittles... 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2382 You think you control me, but this is really really the last time I get up at 4:30 to feed you 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2383 wheres he going this time of night 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2384 Get down on your knees and bark. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2385 Who watches the watchers? Their cats. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2386 And then you’ll go online and buy me catnip. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2387 ...Now set the meatloaf on the floor and kill the dog. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2388 Like the average politician, I have no sense of taste or direction but I’m still in charge here. I mean, meow — feed me. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2389 Forget Dorian, I just want that tuna that’s in the fridge. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2390 "Master take me to your tuna. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2391 That pussy be blinding 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2392 That’s my guy somnambulant! 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
2393 Kitty, you're not supposed to be up there! Stop climbing up the handles! 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2394 I always dreamed I’d be on a catwalk someday. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
2395 Now open the refrigerator. Take out the tuna fish...and go back to bed. 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
2396 While I've got you in a trance, skip the cat food and find me a mouse. 1.1978 0.04199 91 73 18 0
2397 It was this or thumbs. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2398 PUNY HUMAN YOU WILL GET THE KIBBLE YOU WILL GET THE KIBBLE NOW 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2399 No - Don't open the refrigerator door - Go to the cabinet and get the Frisky Cat Food - That's a good boy - Go on... 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2400 Now meowpen the ‘frig and take out the shrimp... 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2401 That's right...time for my 4:35am salmon treat. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2402 Now I know the meaning of a catatonic state. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2403 Mind control. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2404 Alone...Must...live...alone. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2405 After you prepare me a fabulous meal, you will kill the dog. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2406 Now open the refrigerator .... grab the milk ... 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2407 When you come home past curfew 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2408 Just stepped in a hairball in the dark but it's worth it to feed this loving contributing member of the house. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2409 You are getting sleepy... You will not yell at me for putting my butthole on the counter. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2410 Must...dangle...string 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2411 Yes my kitty, your every wish is my command. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2412 Must...invest... in Tuna. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2413 Treats for me then I show where she hid your "catnip'. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2414 And they think cats are the domesticated ones! 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2415 You never mentioned you were bi-. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2416 It looks like a promising evening....as long as its not 'doggie style'! 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2417 Giving up one of his lives to hypnotism, Fluffy was able to fulfill the dream of felines worldwide; dominance of the annoying yet necessary ‘Keeper of Treats’. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2418 And soon those pajamas will be mine. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2419 It is time for my midnight snack. Open the fridge and give me the leftover chicken. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2420 The treasure of the milk is in the fridge, o feline one. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2421 You're gonna go and make me a five layer lasagna right now. I don't care if I ruined your couch. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2422 Don't even think about it, Donald. 1.1978 0.05463 91 78 8 5
2423 Yesss ... tuna on the floor. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2424 Supeeeerior mind doooominates inferior mind, come, cooooome loyal servant 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2425 I will feed you 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2426 Job Security. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2427 BAD CAT..Bad LED's ! 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2428 Walk into The Light, open the door, and leave the rest of the Tuna Fish in a dish on the floor. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2429 It's the new beta version of Facetime. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2430 Thanks for beaming me,Farlry! 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2431 Dreaming about your cat 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2432 Yes. I shall get you milk and recharge your battery. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2433 I always suspected you would one day kill me... I just didn't know it would be by my own hand. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2434 Just a few more steps, and then I strike. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2435 Hear my thoughts! You are standing in a puddle of your own making. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2436 A Purrrfect Subject 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2437 Open me a fresh can while you're at it 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2438 Cat"notize 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2439 Must obey the cat----must obey purrfectly! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2440 You and the can opener are one....you and the can opener are one...... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2441 I AM HERE! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2442 Chop, chop, human! Filet mignon deadline is 5am. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2443 4:35 am and it is all happening as foretold 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2444 The angle of his eyelids says extra chicken tonight. 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2445 Feed me..... Feed me .... Feed me ... 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2446 You are in my power; you **are** in my power; now find the can opener... 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2447 Why should it be any different in the dark? 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2448 You are getting sleepy and will soon fall into a catnap! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2449 You will do as I say. Poop in the litterbox. 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2450 Hey Donald! Fake sleep walking is not going to get you to grab me! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2451 Feed me...Tuna... 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2452 You will provide me with the sardines you put in the meat drawer last night and uh ... oh yes the Haagen Daz vanilla bean in the bottom right of the freezer underneath the potato cakes 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2453 Cat walking" 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2454 Would you like some salmon, Ella? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2455 LIISSAA, only sushi goes in my food bowl 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2456 I wish he would stop using my kitty litter box when he sleepwalks, He gets piss everywhere! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2457 Cat: Alexa,meow,meow,meow,meow? Alexa: Coffee first. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2458 Must...kill...neighbor's...dog. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2459 Feed me, peasant. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2460 Let's have breakfast at Tiffany's. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2461 Do I have to do all the thinking? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2462 Aha!, he's mine. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2463 Hairball Patrol, reporting for duty!” 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2464 Who's ready for their 2:47 am tuna time? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2465 The Great Awakening here it comes. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2466 Must buy catnip... 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2467 Somnambulism -- some milk -- some rest. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2468 Assuming direct control... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2469 You need to feed the cat! F*ck that! I need to feed myself. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2470 Must rename you 'Alabama!' 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2471 Why couldn't I have gotten Simon's Cat? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2472 Yessss, very good my child. Now a left turn; you'll find the cream on the second shelf....and remember none of this in the morning.... 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2473 I'll jump on your shoulder that will wake you up! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2474 For my late night snack get me what is left of the chocolate mouse. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2475 That one episode of the X Files that nobody watched because of allergies. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2476 Forget dinner party. Must put out filet mignon now! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2477 Can opener, I am a can opener, I am a can opener... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2478 Master, your wet food wish is my command. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2479 A strange urge, a voice that says, "Feed, feed the cat." 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2480 And you think I'm the one that came from the pet shop? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2481 Must get a saucer and some milk. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2482 The Secret Lives of Pets" as made by Stephen Kin 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2483 That's right human ...Walk towards the light. That's it, now take me to your litter." 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2484 It's my fault we ran out, so I will voluntarily gnaw off my left hand and put it in the grinder for Kitty. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2485 Master hasn't given me enough fish today 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2486 You will reheat fishsticks for our breakfast. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2487 First I purr. Then, after being properly hypnotized, Charlie will open the refrigerator and prepare my kibbles for a midnight snack. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2488 I do control my human! 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2489 must .... lick.... fuzzy ... butthole.... 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2490 I’m not sure this seeing-eye cat idea makes any sense. 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2491 Must find mutant tuna... 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2492 Must find tuna fish. 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2493 Caught cha 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2494 Closer. Closer. Yes, you're almost there . . . 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2495 The litter box is this way 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2496 I guess the doctor put him back on ambien. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2497 Stupid humans." -every cat eve 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2498 The power of cat nip 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2499 Must put out leftover lasagna for Garfield. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2500 My human is subject to post-hypnotic suggestion! Now, open that cat food can! 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2501 You are not fooling me. I can see you going after another piece of chocolate cake. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2502 Tuna, must open can of tuna. 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2503 All I want is a cat nap. 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2504 Cat naps are great, cat naps are great...now serve Fancy Feast, now serve Fancy Feast... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2505 How cats inspire viral videos 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2506 You can turn off the tractor beam, Scotty. Now we can liberate the left-overs. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2507 Yes. Let me out again, "owner." 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2508 Yes Meow Ster.... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2509 The key to a good relationship is communication! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2510 You will clean my litter box and you will like it! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2511 Yes, yes, go, go, now to the left, yes, yes, open right door, yes, yes, go to second shelf middle, yes, yes, go, go, open can with fish. Good Boy! 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2512 Very good, Jonh! Now clean my litter box please... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2513 Sleepwalking...yeah!! You're after my "Happy Feast Kitty Mix". 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2514 Midnight snack? Midnight attack. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2515 Tunafish,...I must get Tunafish 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2516 meow, meow meow meow... meow, meow, meow, meow... 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2517 Jack's controlling eye-powered executive wife reincarnated as a cat. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2518 I command you to fetch me milk from the fridg! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2519 Yes Dave, this is the sandwiching hour. 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2520 I just need him to open the fridge - then I know the milk is on the left side. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2521 Meowcolm’s always been susceptible to my purr-suasion. Catatonic, meow, because of his default to truth. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2522 Where did you hide the salmon treats? Susan Elwood..Monterey California 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2523 Cat Mind Control 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2524 Call me psychic, Kitty, but I get the feeling you’re milking it.” 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2525 Where are my sunglasses? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2526 Did you say it was a person, place or thing? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2527 I knew giving you a tractor beam was a mistake. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2528 Despite his best efforts, Joe didn’t see any results from his new pet training book, “Catnosis: How to Hypnotize Your Pet in 12 Easy Steps.” 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2529 It will be too late when you finally wake up to what is happening. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2530 I hear and obey, O mighty Fifi—would you like a back scratch with that saucer of milk? 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2531 You will find a can of tuna. You will open the can of tuna... 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2532 Must....pour....cream. Must....pour...cream..... 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2533 The Cat Whisperer's revenge after John stiffed him. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2534 All cats are evi- , Must get tuna fish from refrigerator. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2535 We can’t be meeting like this. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2536 Some men are masters of cities, but slaves to pussy. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2537 You wouldn't like morning if you knew what it was. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2538 Bow to your cat master, but not without an offering... prosciutto will do fine. 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2539 The "Do it yourself surgery" was a cat astrophe! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2540 Repeat after me: I will buy opening night tickets to CATS. I will buy opening night tickets to CATS. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2541 Go to bed Mr. Whiskers. It's purr-ty late. 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2542 Bring me catnip! 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2543 Midnight Cat! 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2544 Beam on, Scottie, and put some sirloin on the counter. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2545 Tibbles my dear, I've been dreaming of milk. Join me for a cup? 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2546 Ambien induced sleep eating-revealed. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2547 Now where did I put my C-PAP machine? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2548 I hear and obey. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2549 Where is the secret shelf? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2550 “At my meow, you will awake with no memory of Butch or the garbage disposal.” 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2551 Violets are blue...I'm catatonic and crave tuna, too. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2552 Now slowly open the tuna can 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2553 Must...obey...fluffy...master. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2554 Now catch. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2555 Sleepwalking will do you no good. It’s my territory. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2556 Perfect, my plan is coming together. These new cat's eyes are really something. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2557 One more step.. now left - and leave it ajar. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2558 He only sees me as a beacon for tuna. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2559 Come to me open the fridge and feed me" 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2560 How do you like these high beams buster ?" 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2561 Yes, I'll Cook the steak. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2562 No trate, no milk. Go back to sleep. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2563 You are getting sleepy. Get me some cat food, NOW! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2564 Look deep into my eyes - good, now time to feed kitty! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2565 You are going to give me catnip...lots and lots of it! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2566 We have to stop meeting like this. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2567 The sun is rising, time to feed the cat. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2568 These humans are ridiculous... 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2569 Submit to my will. I am now master. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2570 My cat Tsuki doesn't seem to mind when I use these x-ray eyes to paint her fur 13 different colors. She LOVES the after-party, when I slowly tongue-lick the paint off with a Michelob in my hand." 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2571 Forget the cat food, get a mouse. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2572 Yes, I will obey, master! 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2573 Coming, master! ( your obedient servant!) 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2574 Alexa, please turn into a cat. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2575 Are you still a cat person? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2576 I get it, okay? I should've believed you when you told me you were from the moon. Now please turn those off and let me sleep. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2577 Jon had to do the Macarena for 3 more hours to make up for the missing lasagna, or else Garfield will tell Liz where Lyman is. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2578 These are the tuna cans you’re looking for. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2579 Don't be fooled. You still have three hours until feeding time. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2580 Yes... Felix... I want to take a shit behind the couch 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2581 Tomorrow, I'm taking you back to the lair. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2582 Mere human, do not dare to resist my catatonic stare! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2583 You goota stop that stuff. Ambien turned me into a cat. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2584 Yes, you do have to feed me more treats. Yes, you do have to feed me more treats . . . 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2585 I guess I'm adding 'transfiguration' to the list of ways you've found to keep me up at night. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2586 You are in my power. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2587 Cat's dilemma, blind or not 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2588 I think I've just evolved to the next level of human control. I like it! 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2589 I miss wet dreams. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2590 Pictured above is the classic catatonic relationship between owner and pet 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2591 I know in the morning he'll be all, "get off the counter you scoundrel." 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2592 Look into my eyes . . . you are just awake enough to feed me an extra meal, but not awake enough to remember it in the morning. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2593 I'm irresistibly drawn to the cat, no, to the fridge for cat food, no to the cat to take off the damned bell. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2594 ....feed the frigging cat, feed the frigging cat. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2595 You will do my bidding! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2596 {"Must not listen; new cat is using Jedi mind trick. Catnip. Must get catnip."} 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2597 Flashman 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2598 Tuna... Tuna...Tuna fish! Tuna fish sandwich! I'll blame it... no, I'll share it with, then blame it on the cat! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2599 Now, turn left, open door, get out cat food...... 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2600 Pussy Is hypnotising 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2601 Must. Feed. Master. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2602 beam me up, kitty 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2603 Must...close...cat...door... 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2604 Yes!! Finally I midnight snack!! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2605 Please tell me where you hid my slippers. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2606 Yes, that’s it 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2607 Got milk...... Got milk...... Got milk...... 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2608 Next I want you to poison the dog then set the parakeet free outside. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2609 Under the influence of cat hypnosis, Trudy awakens to retrieve the kitty treats for Tigger. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2610 Must... try CBD cat treats and/or pet behaviorist. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2611 Why did I have to get the mouse-shaped night light... 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2612 Fancy Feast. I must open Fancy Feast. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2613 Cat... Hungry... Choosing name "Svengali" was huge mistake... 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2614 Must feed Mittens before a reasonable hour... 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2615 Get the sardine sandwich and place it on the counter 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2616 I knew I shouldn't have named you "Ambien". 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2617 Sparky was right, this toxoplasma shit really works! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2618 When you said "cat nap" I expected something else. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2619 Jon, where's the lasagna? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2620 This is the last time I support local art. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2621 You will now kill the dog. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2622 I bet dogs don't have to work this hard. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2623 Food for thought. My shining light. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2624 I think you forgot to change my settings to Night Shift. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2625 Must feed Cuddles... Must feed Cuddles... 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2626 You’ve just entered The Twilight Zone. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2627 Quirky and aloof or this hot mess? #winning 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2628 Monday, top sirloin Tuesday, breast of chicken Wednesday, a marbled filet... 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2629 You blinked. Did not. Did too. Not. Too. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2630 Never mind that Superhero rubbish. This is a real superpower. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2631 The dog ate my homework excuse is getting old, Jim! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2632 Introducing our new ECHO: Extrasensory Cat/Human Orb: "Please step away from fridge and proceed to snack drawer" 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2633 3am feeding 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2634 You're getting schleppy. You're getting.... 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2635 ~ You will now surrender all cat food ~ 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2636 Cat’s eyes helped Dave to navigate at night. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2637 Mmm, fancy feast. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2638 Jerry always knows when Tom wants a treat. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2639 Top shelf, on the right. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2640 I see a white light. Either this is a near death experience or Katsper hypnotized me again for an extra can of tuna. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2641 Ok, you're upgraded to an unlimited meal plan but you have to give me back the laser pointer. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2642 I swear I was dreaming of the plaintive wails of "Memory, all alone in the moonlight...." 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2643 Catatonic or gin and tonic? 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2644 Must open all cans of tuna, must open all.... 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2645 One step forward; turn left; open the fridge; get the Pâté and the Brie; go back to bed 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2646 What are your eyes even reflecting, Fluffy? 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2647 Common honey, let’s train you for Catwalk 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2648 Yup...he is going to spill the milk again. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2649 Hey Todd, "I saw the light in your eyes." Did you see mine? 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2650 Oh, for the love of a cat! 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2651 Dog Person #677 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
2652 You are walking. You are tranquil. You are removing the plastic ring from the milk cap. 1.1772 0.04324 79 65 14 0
2653 I shoulda got a hamster...I shoulda got a hamster... 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
2654 am thinking we should patent this cooking concept. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2655 hmmm...forgot the dishes didn't I? 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2656 I smell a mouse. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2657 I'm going to get rid of my birds, my dogs and my husband. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2658 You're opening the door. You're reaching for the tuna. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2659 Your dinner has arrived, mon chat! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2660 You will go straight to the cupboard and open a can of food. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2661 Must kill Rufus. Must make tuna fish for Mr. Whiskers... 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2662 The power of memes compels you! 1.1750 0.05562 80 70 6 4
2663 Hey, next time why don't you use your new superpower to feed yourself? 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2664 Feed you? Yes Master,I hear you and obey. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2665 Beam meow this 9-5 nightmare 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2666 Kiki, I love that you meow me away from the frig when I'm sleep-eating!" 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2667 Kitchen cabinet lower draw. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2668 You are in my power take me to my food 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2669 Morning, Dave. How was your trip? 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2670 Mmm--milk, mmm--tuna, mmm... 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2671 Micheal Vick wasn't that bad." "Micheal Vick wasn't that bad. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2672 Yes magic one, I'm getting your treat. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2673 Sure you’re sleepwalking, but a couple of cat treats would seal it. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2674 Must open more tuna. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2675 We both had Ambien. Feed me. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2676 All work and no play make Jack a sleep-deprived boy. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2677 Just a dash of radical chic and a pinch of greenwash. Mix well with equal parts persuasion and self-righteousness. Voila The Virtue Signal 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2678 Mice. Think mice. Mmmmm.... 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2679 Hypno-cat strikes again. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2680 Well trained cat strikes again. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2681 I'm caught in the frig! Turn sharp left, open the doors and find me! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2682 Here Schrody Schrody. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2683 As they say, “Choosy cats choose humans...” 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2684 So cute, they really think those zombie movies are make believe. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2685 Bink-Bink's superpower of Insomnia-Vision was fun, but ultimately proved to be totally worthless. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2686 It's 4:35, right on time for my snack. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2687 I want to watch the Mets. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2688 Must put sandwich meats in a bowl. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2689 I had the strangest dream, Whiskers, that you spoke to me and said you wanted the leftover salmon. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2690 I heard you, I heard you! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2691 We both had cataract surgery. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2692 Spilled milk, here we come....... 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2693 Clean litter box. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2694 Get anything you want - secrets from the orange tabby at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2695 It's time for the purr-culator 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2696 Bunnies aren’t the only ones who can do magic tricks. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2697 What do you mean Me or You ? 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2698 Midnight ... all alone in the kitchen ... I must find the meow mix ... and understand what happiness is ... 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2699 Finding the fridge without an iPhone. How daring. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2700 The last time this happened he thought my head was the lid on a cat cookie jar. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2701 You are feeling hungry, hungry, hungry! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2702 Following my tractor beam will lead him to a freak-out surprise... 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2703 The mice will play. The mice will play. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2704 There are some secrets even Jackson Galaxy doesn’t know. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2705 Cat....must....have....Tuna! 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2706 I crave lasagne Jon 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2707 Damn, I left my night vision goggles on the kitchen counter. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2708 This cannot be happening ! I am craving for cat chow ! 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2709 Left paw? To open four paws" 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2710 catwalk! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2711 Researchers said mind control experiments failed to produce acceptable results when tested on higher beings. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2712 Sorry to drag you in like this... 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
2713 Half and half, must have half and half. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2714 If anyone knows why The Secretary of State keeps falling asleep at his desk,please contact the White House immediately. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2715 I don't need your fancy nighttime vision - I am sleepwalking! 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2716 Nice and easy now, just one more turn... Do not cross the beams no matter what. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2717 I'm tired of this little game. Get your own food, and while you are at it, clean your litter box. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2718 We're both channeling poultry pâté and crème fraîche – YWMC!" 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2719 I will give you tuna 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2720 How many times do I have to tell you, dinosaur legs take too long! 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2721 Where's Odie? 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2722 Thou art my master! 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2723 Finally, a cat nip for the human. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2724 Yes.... yes come on. Now.. kill Rex. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2725 You are under my spell, clean my spill, and you’ll get your pill. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2726 Must make appointment in morning for vasectomy. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
2727 am just sleep walking, no need for a CAT scan ..... 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
2728 I shall feed you stake, and I shall yearn for Meow Mix. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2729 And that’s when they realized Jane was a Somali-nambulist. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2730 Salmon now. Salmon now. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2731 You are relaxed, you will not remember anything. Now do exactly as i say.. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2732 Fine, Mr. Lapitas. Bellyrubs before bedtime from now on. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2733 Must not grab...must not grab... 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2734 my kibble's in the pantry, i just love these Ambien snack times 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2735 Is this the bathroom or the kitchen? 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2736 Paw-don me, I didn't know you and your cat were related. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2737 Felix wondered wether the kibbles with energetic elements was such a good idea. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2738 …Must Condone Nocturnal Eating… 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2739 you want to feed me, extremely willingly. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2740 Walk towards the light as I brainwash you into fetching me some squirrels!" 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2741 Sleepwalk your way over to the litterbox. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2742 Kitty, I am feeling very, very friskies. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2743 Stealth technology in action 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2744 I'm a slave to the pussy. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2745 Thanks for lighting the way . . . 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2746 Cat’s eye not so bad for sleepwalkers too, huh? 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2747 I am your Ambien-induced cat. No worries, I will drive you to get you those fudge-covered bananas you’re craving. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2748 You are in my power. You will feed the cat all of your tuna. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2749 Obvious caption goes here 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2750 Very good. And now, you go out back and take the dog for a long walk.... to Canada. 1.1667 0.05600 78 69 5 4
2751 Your Salmon and Chicken Wet Shreds are currently on ice...My Bad.... 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2752 Kitty hypnotizes her dad to get the cat food from the refrigerator. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2753 You will get the tuna - you will bring the tuna.(OK, this is not really the place for this, but here's the URL for that: https://walkswithdave.tumblr.com/post/141430698917) 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2754 Look into my eyes. You WILL take out that dish of fresh salmon and place it before me. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2755 You hang in there till’ Friday... You hang in there till’ Friday... 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2756 You want to feed me. You only exist to feed me. Now,open try refrigerator and give me all the tuna and milk. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2757 I'm "guided by the light" and FU cat. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2758 Weird people, always roaming around all night. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2759 sleep walkies are only good for them. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2760 Where is the milk ?- 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2761 And the magical feline declared to Brad that it was time to schedule a visit with Dr. Stern. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2762 Grifter Cat is trustworthy. Give him credit card. Grifter Cat's back pain is legitimate. 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
2763 Eat the poop out of the litter Charles and then tell your psychiatrist about your terrible ‘sleepwalking’ episodes. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2764 It's the cat walk, Einstein. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2765 Fine specimen this human is, catting around at night like this. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2766 Taaake me to your heater... 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2767 Must...make...lasagna...Must...make...lasagna 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2768 This guys the daffious feeder yet! He loves me to scare him to death ! So I do! 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2769 Yeah, those catnaps are underrated! 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2770 Time to go to work, huh? You foolish creature.. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2771 Go back to bed, Mr. Weasley. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2772 Feed Fluffy. Feed Fluffy. Feed Fluffy. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2773 Time for another Catscan. Got to be careful on the radiation. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2774 And after opening the can of tuna you'll open the Cats R Us web page. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2775 Think deeply, open fridge, pour milk in bowl... repeat nightly. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2776 Did you loose your other pussy? 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2777 Good thing there's no stairs like the last place. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2778 It's the only way I can get him to open the fridge in the middle of the night. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2779 You're not looking for the cat." "I'm not looking for the cat. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2780 Slowly Herman, walk to the fridge and get the Tuna and bring it to me. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2781 Hakuna matata, what a wonderful phrase. ... 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2782 You want me to take you to me? 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2783 I was always told to walk toward the white light. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2784 And my 'Cat's Got Your Tongue' instructor said I'd never amount to anything 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2785 (Catnotized): “ Must ... feed ... cat...” 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2786 Ugh!! I am already missing insomniac Bertie 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2787 Glad you could make it, Dave. Now let's talk about my wet food. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2788 Yes, he's up, coming to see what I want - and now I can leave! 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2789 Why am I having this constant craving for seafood? 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
2790 That’s right. Fetch me the tuna. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2791 Scanning...Target Detected...doggonit, it's just Jerry again. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2792 Sleep tight...I'll eat the bed bugs tonight 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2793 I never really understood the term, 'psycho-cat' until tonight. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2794 You’re not what I ordered. I meant to say Panasonic. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2795 Ok-what do I have to give you to get the TV remote back? 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2796 Come come try to pet me before I runaway 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2797 Cationic conditioning; supper now! 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2798 Kitty needs milk...Kitty needs milk...Kitty... 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2799 Open the frig door and take out the milk. Pour it in the cat's dish on the floor. Put the milk back in the frig. Go back to bed! 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2800 Fluffy, will you please stop eating those button batteries right before bedtime. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2801 You could have just purred! 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2802 Now you see how annoying those laser pointers are, human! 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2803 Find me the mouse or your going to sleep in my litter box. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2804 Benadryl not working Larry? 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2805 Yes, Master. I live to obey... 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2806 Hmmm....I think he’d like to play in the extra large cardboard box in the garage. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2807 Thanks, Minou. Now it's sardines for two. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2808 Now the can, then the bowl....you now remember exactly what to do..... 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2809 Here kitty-kitty. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2810 Go open the door and bring me treats 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2811 Don't try that sleepwalking crap on me. 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
2812 Simon says sardines for Sally 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2813 Meow, meow, meow....I still don't know what that means! 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2814 Here human,human,human.....ill have the tuna 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2815 President Eisenmeower masters the meow mix mind trick. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2816 Switch to your low beams or no catnip! 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2817 Aren't you supposed to be on mice patrol? 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2818 You are feeling very much like you want to turn left, open the door, and put the chicken salad on the floor. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2819 No, Mr. Bond -- I expect you to DIE! 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
2820 Next time, I get a cat from this planet 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2821 And now a Jellicie cat will terrify the Phantom of the Opera. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2822 My eyes are up here. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2823 Cat calling to suppress that midnight appetite. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
2824 You are sleepwalking. Leave the fridge open. You were dreaming about your leftover salmon you decided not to eat and leave in a bowl on the counter. Also,there were aliens. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2825 ...must find the can opener...must find the can opener... 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
2826 Here, have my pajamas 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
2827 I dont care if he is a zombie as long as he feeds me 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2828 Pussycat, Pussycat where have you been? why are you glowing with an ethereal sheen? 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2829 Yes peasant, I am your king feed me. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2830 FIRST PLACE WINNER OF "MOST PERPLEXING CARTOON CONTEST" 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2831 I serve only Lord Gizmo, viceroy of the 4th circle of hell 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2832 Solved -- The mystery of the missing salami. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2833 Good so far. Now open the door and get out the milk. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2834 canned tuna please. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2835 I shouldn’t wake him. My Instagram followers will love my just-out-of-bed look. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2836 Get woke and try cat napping, which is far less dangerous and strenuous! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2837 Where is Catsup for my Big Mac? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2838 Tuna fish, tuna fish, tuna fish, yes, master. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2839 Open it and you can have a nip while I have the catnip. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2840 Mmmm, crabmeat ... must get out bowl of crabmeat 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2841 You have entered The Cat Portal." 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2842 You are a mouse...you are a mouse... 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2843 I am the cat’s pajamas. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2844 I AM NOW YOUR OWNER! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2845 Must spill milk on counter. Must playfully toss cap on counter. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2846 That's right, you're under my power! Now open the fridge! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2847 It'll cost you a bowl of milk or I'll tell wifey you raided the 'fridge again. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2848 Cat must have tuna. Cat must have tuna. Cat must have tuna. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2849 So much for my CAT NAP. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2850 Come to me ... and give me ALL the treats 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
2851 He really is a slave to my adorable gaze. Now get me my tuna! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2852 How do you think I found all that food in the fridge? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2853 Fluffy kept a watchful eye over everything that went on in his household. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2854 Get down, please. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2855 Open the fridge and make a mess on the floor. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2856 Morris, for gosh sakes, five a.m. is no time to play Cat's Cradle, so give it a rest! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2857 Sleep walking again means I get the run of the house again! 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2858 and you said I sleep like the dead... 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2859 it, tomthe can opener and treats box. Just a bit further... 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2860 Honey the cat's glowing again. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2861 Come closer, it’s time for a change. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2862 I like cats...I need brains. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2863 You are my sunshine, my kitty sunshine, would you like catnip or salmon stew? 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2864 Where are you Lucifer? I heard you calling. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2865 Testing caffeine alternative #1009: cat with impeccable dental hygiene. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2866 Kitty. Kitty... Kitty.... 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2867 You bring me mice & I will get rid of your cat scratch fever! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2868 Rowwwrrrrrr… 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2869 Hairy Potter thinks his X-ray eyes can stop me from bingeing on his favorite Cat Food?! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2870 Dave, I am NOT the midnight snack. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2871 That's right, get the tuna out of the fridge! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2872 THE MARTINIS WILL BE ON THE TOP LEFT 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2873 The internet's final form 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2874 More Whiskas my command. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2875 And they said those hypnotist classes would never work. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2876 Now turn to your left. Open the refrigerator door. The leftover salmon is on the third shelf from the top. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2877 These darn phones are catnip for everyone. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2878 Buy me some mice! 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2879 It's dog eat dog, not cat eats human 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2880 Relax! My dream was about dog food...not cat food. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2881 It's to bad he doesn't have night vision, I'm going pounce on him. He'll never see it coming. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2882 You will feed me...you will feed me, now! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2883 I would never have taken in that cat from Krypton if I'd known that it had been trained by Dr. Mesmer. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2884 Year 3000- The Cats finally figure out how to catch the laser. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2885 No. Open the fridge right meow! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2886 Again with the tractor beam? I was in Milwaukee on business! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2887 Ambien,again? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2888 You cannot resist me. Put the dog out--forever, and get me some caviar. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2889 Sleepwalking for catnip? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
2890 Get me the cat food me-noowww. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
2891 You are getting me kibble. Lots and lots of kibble. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2892 Yoo look like a formidable foe. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2893 Not again cat...not again! 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2894 Come to papa 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
2895 Rogerrrr... place the leftover chicken on the floor and comandeer the Kitty Nom Noms factory. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2896 At once, Master! 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
2897 Yes, master. Cats are cuddle bears; dogs are losers. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2898 Telepathy can work wonders! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
2899 I'm going to treat your eyeballs like a chewy cat toy. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2900 Kippers ... must ... give ... Kitty ... Kippers ... every day ... so ... She ... will ... not ... ignore ... me 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2901 My cat is taking extreme measures for me to get my exercise in. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2902 The chocolate mousse is gone 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2903 Must feed Rex. Must feed Rex. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2904 Well, you sure "have the look of a healthy cat." 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
2905 You are completely enamored by kitty kibble and repelled by the chicken breasts sitting in the refrigerator. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2906 You will feed me that wagyu burger. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2907 You want to make a tuna sandwich and leave me the tuna milk and bits 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2908 You know, it's weird. I pretty sure I saw my cat in my sleep. Eh. I guess I was just dreaming... 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2909 Purr..Am i dreaming or is krish coming to dream-pat me again? 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2910 Your night vision doesn’t make up for pooping in my shoe. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2911 Now you're opening the milk carton... and pouring it onto the floor... 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2912 I missed last week due to late delivery. Maybe a one time leniency? “Ever since he discovered fire it seems like all the dinosaurs are becoming extinct around here “ 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2913 Fluffy, I am now under your command and will proceed with Operation purchase tuna. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2914 Last one here closes the refrigerator. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2915 Honey is that you? 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2916 Yes, as a matter of fact I do "got milk." 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2917 You are my meow-ster. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
2918 I hope my batteries last through this sleepwalking 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2919 Thank you for answering my call. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2920 From now on, you will call me Farley Kat 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2921 The breeder was correct, I could not ignore that face! 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2922 I shall get you the leftover fish casserole. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2923 Master calls. Snacks. Tuna sandwich. Hold bread. Bowl milk. Catnip toy. Chase. Bleed. Nap. Leave alone. Repeat 5am. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
2924 Feed theKatz, feed the Katz! 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
2925 ‘Now get your ass over there and fix me some Whiskas.’ 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
2926 Early morning bird gets the lasagna. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
2927 ...and he thinks it's my poop that's making him drink the ketchup 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
2928 You can't escape us on your late night social media scrolling. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
2929 I'm sleep walking, Kitty. I'll get you your wet food when I wake up. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
2930 Must refurbish counter top in tuck-n-roll, not granite. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2931 And I thought all the meowing was annoying... 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2932 Catlamp Stories 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2933 Who wants seconds? 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2934 Hi. I'm your worst nightmare 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2935 ME nowww . . . ME nowwwww . . . 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2936 I gets what mine on Halloween! 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2937 This is what happens at my neighbour’s house. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2938 I need a gallon of milk that I will accidentally leave out. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2939 I finally found Lulu 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2940 You called me. I obey. I will fetch that 12 oz. filet mignon I bought for myself and put it in your bowl. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2941 Garfield I’m not feel good 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2942 Refrigerators are like cat furniture for humans 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2943 Time for your long nappy 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2944 Sarrrrr-dines! 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2945 mmust leave early & work late to get ahead and be happy. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2946 Yes human, follow my control and deliver treats to your master. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2947 Meowwwww....Chicken Right Meowwwww 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2948 I just can't help myself, but then, I'm part of the Base, anyway. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2949 F O O D..Food? 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2950 Here at CATaracts-R-Us, we offer the beast discounts yowl find on LASIK vision correction surgery! 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2951 Now I know what I look like, from the eyes of a cat. Well, at least I have nine lives to get the sleep I need. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2952 F e e d M e 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2953 Disciple, get me some human food from the fridge. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2954 Time to make the tuna. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2955 Bolton still hasn't gotten over the shock. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2956 That's it. We're changing cat food brands. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2957 Fluffy chortles knowing Dave will wake up later, see the Friskies bowl full, and dismiss it as just another Stilnox event! 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2958 All day soaking up sunlight and chasing the laser pointer just to feed the special gland. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2959 You will Feed Me, now!!" J.K.Fuller Genoa, N 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2960 As when awake, driving asleep Dave follows the cats eyes. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2961 Yes your highness,another Julia Child inspired feast is headed for your tummy 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2962 Dammit! my ultra-shiny cat head has awoken my owner into a murderous rage!" 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2963 When you spot the snacks at 4am 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2964 Here kitty, kitty. ET's been missing you. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2965 And I thought he was the only active during the night. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2966 Where's the coffee? 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2967 Pet owners coming home finally after a long day at school/ work: 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2968 We're taking catnaps back. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2969 Kitty-witty loves Daddy with tuna, salmon, sardine combo. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2970 Me being Siri 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2971 Your feline is feeling very hungry. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2972 I hope you like waking up to wet sandpaper and needles. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2973 Is this All for Me? 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2974 Come to Papa, I'm a pussy and I need some grabbin' 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2975 Janice will pour the milk on the counter." "Janice will pour the milk on the counter." 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2976 MAGA open the door, then the tuna. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2977 I came in here for a snack, not an interrogation. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2978 All your tunafish are belong to us. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2979 You will get down the kibbles. You will get down the kibbles... 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2980 You've spent too much time with that laser pointer 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2981 I told you to stay away from apartment 237! 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2982 Great! The kit-nosis worked. Now break out my 3:30 snack. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2983 Don't forget the dessert, mouse a la mode. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2984 Guid me to the fridge Fluffy. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
2985 As you wish, Cat-Master. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2986 Sorry, but now you really have no excuse for there still being mice in this house. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
2987 Your are the fleshy consolation in the gloomy violence of my gaze. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2988 I knew I should have waited for the second gen model with the dimmer. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2989 bruh moment 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
2990 Lucky for you this is a ranch house. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
2991 It’s the tuna addiction Doris! 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
2992 Ironically, I think I'm getting warmer. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
2993 You are my slave. Not that you didn't know this already. This is just reinforcement. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
2994 Now you're getting very hungry for the tuna in the frig. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
2995 I will pounce as soon as he has the milk bottle in hand. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
2996 So thirsty. Must. Get. Toxoplasmosis. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
2997 You're not dreaming, the face mask did help my skin glow. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
2998 Hsssssssirloin 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
2999 Here kitty, please get off the countertop, it’s not for you, it’s for eating. I love you but not there. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3000 You will feed me. And you will like it. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3001 Fetch the prime wet food. 1.1343 0.05164 67 60 5 2
3002 It's after miiiiiiiidnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark! You try to screeeeam ! But terror takes the sound before you make it!! You start FREEZE as horror looks you right between your eyes,you're PARALYZED... Y'all know the rest 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3003 I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I have to make him get it out of the fridge for me" - the most manipulative cat in the worl 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3004 5 - 4 - 3 -2 - knockdownable! 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3005 Farley Katz, who draws cats. Get it? He likes cats. Katz. I understand if yuou don't get it. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3006 ...the cat wants my beer...the cat wants my beer... 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3007 2 AM... must... feed... Twinkle... 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3008 Another Ambien induced midnight food binge" 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3009 Owl was bravely lost when the Beautiful Pea-Green Boat sank, Ms Beautiful Pussy U.R. ... How Beautifully Lucky you are to inherit his Beautiful Pea-Green Fridge & Beautiful Pea-Green Me !!! 1.1343 0.05164 67 60 5 2
3010 I'm sorry master, I tried to bring some strays up here, I even did some catcalling like you suggested, but no one was interested. I think #meowtoo has really made it hard to flirt nowadays 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3011 Yes, chicken. You want chicken. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3012 My eyes direct all! 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3013 ...now open the fridge ...take out the tuna salad... and put it on the floor... 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3014 I swear I'll see my doctor tomorrow about my sleepwalking . If you promise to stop skipping housebreaking classes. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3015 You'll open that fridge and serve me my favorite treat. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3016 When administering NARCAN, be sure to call 911 right away, even if your roommate has the audacity to shoo you off the kitchen counter. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3017 It is only 4:35 - too soon soon for the diner - shoo shoo outside and play with Jerry. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3018 my cat convincing me to go to sleep 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3019 The Cat That Controls Human Minds 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3020 I'm happy to lead you while the power is out, Dave. Be sure to watch your step! 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3021 And just like that, Brad was catabolized. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3022 Go directly to the Nip. Bad, bad things in the fridge. Go directly to the Nip. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3023 Oat milk or lactose-free regular? 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3024 Although she had the purrrrfect caption for the New Yorker cartoon contest, Mister Oliver made certain the world would never share her insight. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3025 I love catnip. I love catnip. I love catnip. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3026 I'm not kitten around. Stop cat napping and get me some cat nip. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3027 Finally I have the human under mind control 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3028 There's an automatic 15% service charge for this. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3029 PUT YOUR PAWS ON THOSE HANDLES AND FEED ME! 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3030 "How could I manage without cat's eyes on the road? 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3031 Right meow, you're feeling very sleeping... 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3032 I thought you'd want to talk about the Knicks. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3033 GEMeow--dream appliances for discerning cats 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3034 Couldn’t you just eat dry cat food sometimes? 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3035 it's snacktime bitch 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3036 Not my litter box, again! 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3037 Put the leftover tuna fish on the floor, think of your mother mashing potatoes for Thanksgiving and go back to bed. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3038 Feeed Meeee,Feeed Meeee 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3039 Gnawing, squeaking, scampering, scurrying. Gnawing, squeaking, scampering, scurrying. 1.1343 0.05164 67 60 5 2
3040 Good boy. This time remember it's cat food. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3041 Try to get past me i Greenies, dude! 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
3042 The Kitchen Lighthouse 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
3043 Cat-ya-in-the-eye! Box or no box, You will never be able able to see me, mister Schroedinger 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
3044 i don't understand why I have to practice my catwalk at 2 am every night 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
3045 Yes, Master, I have killed all the dogs. What is your next command?” 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
3046 Now say, "Mr. Friskies, is it wrong? 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
3047 You will open every can of tuna fish in the house. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
3048 haha, ”treeeeaats to theeee leeeeft,” haha 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3049 Now Dave, open the drawer. Now close it. Open it again. Close it. Now open it..." Hypno-Cat's whims were ever-changing 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3050 FYI, Jack, that "Honey, I must have been sleep walking when I ate the cream" don't cut it with the cat. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3051 ...next you shall retrieve the can opener... 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3052 Beam me over, I know you can... 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
3053 Death is not the end. 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
3054 Must...poach...salmon...now. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3055 Listen here, I’m not just one of your playtoys. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3056 I hear and obey, master. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3057 Kathmandu! 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3058 A pupil of the cat, he was forced vertical 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3059 Cat got your eye, Frankentein's Monster? 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3060 Darryl, I told you not to eat that firefly!!! 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3061 And after the milk, you will clean my litter box! 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3062 Don't ever wake me up from one of my eight naps again. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3063 Man - should have gotten a dog 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3064 By any chance, have you seen my bedroom? 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3065 Sorry mastercat, Starbucks will not add tuna to their pumpkin spice latte. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3066 There's no power like pussy power! 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3067 So far so good Mr hypnotized cat guy. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3068 Must Master is ....hungry. Must ....feed...Master....or....Master...will..be ..angry 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3069 Forget the pussy, the chicken’s in the icebox. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3070 You understand the power of the laser pointer...Your Majesty. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3071 That’s right...a few 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3072 Cat: "Interesting! Its pretty easy to imprint a somnambulist." 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
3073 I know you are ready for your meal 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3074 Stop meowing. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3075 "Very good! one more step -turn left-open door-top right shelve-bingo 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3076 When you hear me purr, we have a tuna party. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3077 Feed the kitty - feed the kitty. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3078 If I don't eat, you don't eat! 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3079 You vill pour zee cream on zee kibble! 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
3080 Making eyes at someone: level cross-species 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
3081 But if I open the hamster's cage.... 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3082 No, Whiskers. No. Bad kitty. "Service animal" means that I... I... MUST BUY SUSHI. MUST BUY SUSHI FOR MASTER WHISKERS. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3083 it is already morning? Oh, it was my cutie pie cat. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3084 You're getting nippy ... You're getting nippy. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3085 Come to me ebay cookie jar cat 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3086 Take me to your meow-der 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3087 Miawnin', sunshine! 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3088 I feel a strong urge to throw out the last cucumber. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3089 Get in the car and I'll drive you to the vet. 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
3090 Ooh! The cat-tonic for the catatonic! 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3091 My last owner didn't freeze mice like you do. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
3092 Lox is for kitties, now, and your wife reward you! 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
3093 He did always want to strut on a catwalk. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
3094 Take you to my leader. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
3095 Chairman Meow! Chairman Meow! Did you hear what happened at the World Trade Center this morning? 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
3096 You will vote for Trump! 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
3097 Dave, the baked beans 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
3098 Kitty deserves tuna... Kitty deserves tuna... Kitty deserves tuna... 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
3099 I'm pussy-footing to find you and grab you like I can't help myself. 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
3100 Do I have to be your caterer 24 hours a day? 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
3101 Garfield? What's all this noise? Feed me Jon, f e e d 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
3102 This proves it! You are a reincarnation of Houdini 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
3103 Jesus had returned. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
3104 I need to hide from the sleepwalker ! 1.1129 0.04052 62 55 7 0
3105 Aha. Now i have you under my 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
3106 Touch the wet stuff and die. 1.1129 0.04052 62 55 7 0
3107 I appreciate the creative gesture, but it’s so much easier to get me to jump down when you just clap your hands. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
3108 Holy LED, somebody forgot to turn off the dang kitchen night light! 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
3109 Cat onto a hot tub of cat food 1.1034 0.04034 58 52 6 0
3110 Ambien. 1.1034 0.04725 58 53 4 1
3111 Do I judge your catnip? 1.1034 0.04034 58 52 6 0
3112 Want a sandwich? 1.1034 0.04725 58 53 4 1
3113 Step 6 of Toby’s mutinous coup: engaged. 1.1034 0.04034 58 52 6 0
3114 We needed some way to heard each other. 1.1034 0.04034 58 52 6 0
3115 sleep (cat)walking 1.1017 0.04647 59 54 4 1
3116 This moving-around-at night-thing seems so theatrical. 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3117 Oh yeah, come over here and lick my asshole for me ya sick son-of-a bitch. 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3118 That's right, open the fridge and give me the bacon. 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3119 Felix,...this sleep walking trance is not fun anymore. 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3120 Cat hypnotherapist-Feed me human, 24/7, beginning now! 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3121 I think I’m going to Catmandu 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3122 Thought it would be nice to have a snack? 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3123 I know...who the enemy is 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3124 Callbacks: Cats (2019) 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3125 Idiot 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3126 Is this Summonambulism? 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3127 Ugh, is this because I said you had a magnetic personality that didn't stick? 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3128 Well,” said Officer Smoot, pausing the WiFi camera feed, “I guess we know how he became catatonic. 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
3129 Must put out more Little Friskes. 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3130 Grab a knife and stab yourself! 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3131 You know, I always thought God would look different. 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3132 Kiiiiii ... teeeeeeee! 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3133 Don't be angry, darling, I was caught in a traffic jam. Give me five minutes to have your dinner ready. 1.0769 0.04633 52 49 2 1
3134 Stay away from the cat food! 1.0769 0.04633 52 49 2 1
3135 Oh no-he forgot he already put me out! 1.0769 0.04633 52 49 2 1
3136 I'm getting cancelled for this one 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3137 What would you have done if I had taken the night shift at work? 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3138 Damn! Now, I can't hear the tap is leaking! 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3139 Of all the tasks compelled by his hypno-cat, 'bath time' was Gary's least favorite. 1.0769 0.03731 52 48 4 0
3140 Trance of the Come Feed the Hairy. 1.0755 0.04547 53 50 2 1
3141 Thanks boy, you've well earned your name, NiteLite. 1.0755 0.04547 53 50 2 1
3142 The spatula was from Bed Bath and Beyond, the grill was from Home Depot, the turkey leg was from Costco, and the fire was free from Exciting Adventures. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3143 Lulu, Lulu.... 1.0625 0.04619 48 46 1 1