Contest #674


Cartoon

674

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Let's let him keep your ball.”
  2. “You could at least bark.”
  3. “Kinda puts going to the vet in perspective, doesn't it?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-08-26T00:43:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-09-09T00:45:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-09-03T00:44:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued September 9, 2019
Number of captions 4737
Number of responses 1150449
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Let's let him keep your ball. 2.2027 0.00627 14914 3194 5511 6206
1 So, this is fine but you're scared of the vacuum cleaner? 2.0925 0.00704 13224 3780 4441 5001
2 Well, if you haven't pooped, I have. 1.9875 0.00732 13039 4660 3890 4488
3 It doesn't matter that you peed on it first, it's not your rock anymore. 1.9477 0.00954 6954 2393 2532 2029
4 So suddenly mister bark at everything has nothing to say. 1.9385 0.00729 11749 4099 4292 3358
5 Maybe just let him keep your stick. 1.8628 0.00777 9504 3486 3842 2174
6 Before the last election, this would have scared the bejeezus out of us, Quentin. 1.8560 0.01175 4917 2076 1475 1366
7 Maybe don't sniff this one. 1.8552 0.00694 12280 4666 4735 2877
8 You're totally thinking you could outrun me, aren't you? 1.8534 0.00746 11386 4580 3903 2902
9 This. This is why we don't chase down every smell. 1.8461 0.00772 10263 4071 3708 2483
10 Wag your tail so it doesn't feel threatened. 1.8443 0.00769 10324 4089 3753 2479
11 Kinda puts going to the vet in perspective, doesn't it? 1.8290 0.00846 8573 3487 3062 2022
12 That's what happens to dogs who drink from the toilet 1.8120 0.00936 7775 3516 2205 2053
13 Well just don't stand there. Ask yourself, 'what would Lassie do?' 1.7913 0.01116 4878 2097 1702 1079
14 Now we’ve BOTH urinated. Let’s go home. 1.7812 0.00849 8780 3960 2784 2033
15 There. That's what you've been barking at. Happy? 1.7795 0.00778 9733 4183 3513 2036
16 No, I think his bite is probably worse than his bark. 1.7579 0.00869 7608 3341 2772 1495
17 I don't care if she's in heat. No. 1.7517 0.01027 6049 2889 1782 1377
18 Are you serious?! Thunder and the mailman but not this. 1.7432 0.00805 8990 4086 3130 1771
19 This seems like a good turn-around point. 1.7379 0.01065 4757 2068 1864 823
20 'Let's go to the park,' I said. But, no, you had to go to the lagoon. 1.7309 0.01134 4515 2081 1565 867
21 Sorry I didn't believe you about the mailman. 1.7111 0.01335 3312 1594 1081 637
22 It's your turn to rescue me. 1.7034 0.00884 8001 4059 2264 1676
23 “Next full moon, we stay in the house and you can just pee on the rug, OK?” 1.7024 0.01093 4781 2292 1621 868
24 Emotional support dog, meet my anxiety. 1.6934 0.01498 2743 1393 798 552
25 Woof? That’s all you’ve got? 1.6918 0.01245 3614 1743 1245 626
26 I know it’s your bone, but I’d let him keep it. 1.6908 0.00989 5233 2431 1998 801
27 I don't think he wants his butt sniffed. 1.6848 0.00948 6419 3179 2082 1157
28 See? That’s all it is. Can we PLEASE go back to bed now? 1.6806 0.00988 5739 2818 1936 984
29 This walk was your idea. You talk to him. 1.6708 0.00926 6409 3167 2186 1056
30 Let's both roll over and play dead. 1.6684 0.01060 4901 2432 1662 805
31 Just remember ... genetically you're 99% wolf. 1.6674 0.01019 5127 2506 1822 799
32 Well, this explains the puppies. 1.6611 0.01392 3222 1747 824 651
33 Get a dog" she said, "It'll add years to your life" she said 1.6589 0.01828 1765 924 519 322
34 Well, if that doesn't scare it out of you, we might as well go home. 1.6555 0.01185 4000 2050 1278 672
35 But you're scared of a vacuum cleaner. 1.6549 0.00938 5941 2935 2121 884
36 I'm sorry I blamed you for those claw marks on the deck. 1.6522 0.01260 3327 1658 1168 501
37 Still want to mark your territory? 1.6521 0.00942 5899 2944 2070 883
38 I'm going to need a much bigger plastic bag 1.6484 0.01294 3393 1770 1046 577
39 You see it too, right? 1.6370 0.01347 2978 1543 974 461
40 Well Fido, sometimes after you drain the swamp, something far worse takes over. 1.6357 0.01631 2226 1212 613 401
41 Yes, hard to believe that he was President from 2016-2020 1.6249 0.01229 4034 2281 990 763
42 I'll bet HE'S not afraid of the cat next door. 1.6200 0.01261 3358 1783 1071 504
43 Satisfied? This is what's been living under my bed since I was a kid. 1.6163 0.01411 2755 1493 830 432
44 Stay. I'll be right back. 1.6141 0.01187 3879 2098 1177 602
45 The patch of grass just outside the tent isn’t looking so bad now is it? 1.6097 0.01057 4468 2329 1554 584
46 I suggested the dog park, but noooooo! 1.6085 0.01099 4266 2264 1408 592
47 That's not a tree, so I'd keep my leg on the ground if I were you. 1.6041 0.01180 3756 2019 1205 532
48 Don't sniff him. 1.6009 0.01220 3824 2157 1037 630
49 Mind if I give him one of your treats? 1.6009 0.01162 3676 1947 1252 475
50 The breeder said it’s a Labrademon. 1.5968 0.01690 1952 1096 547 309
51 Now might be a good time to show who is man's best friend. 1.5959 0.01607 1913 1015 656 242
52 But you'll bark at the mailman? 1.5860 0.01594 1884 1005 656 223
53 I told you Max, you can't go by the profile pic. 1.5832 0.01864 1497 831 459 207
54 I'm afraid this time you're going to have to pick up after me." 1.5799 0.01877 1521 861 438 222
55 It's OK Rex, Mommy will feel better and come home after the election is over. 1.5783 0.01446 2862 1718 633 510
56 He's why it's the path less traveled. 1.5780 0.01521 2204 1223 688 293
57 So you bark at the mail carrier, but this guy seems fine? 1.5746 0.01187 3554 1968 1128 455
58 After almost 3 years of Donald Trump as President, nothing is that frightening anymore. 1.5696 0.01591 2256 1338 551 367
59 This is what we call an exception. Bark all you want. 1.5696 0.02975 618 359 166 93
60 You know this guy? Tell me you know this guy. 1.5682 0.01311 2881 1603 917 360
61 Technically he should be on a leash. 1.5654 0.03179 543 318 143 82
62 Wait until you see his dog. 1.5649 0.01426 2629 1526 722 381
63 What was it when you buried it? 1.5636 0.01469 2452 1420 684 348
64 This is the part where you protect me 1.5620 0.01282 2950 1649 946 355
65 Obviously, he didn’t see what you did to that shoe... 1.5591 0.01718 1674 945 522 207
66 Well at least that explains what I picked up off the front yard this morning. 1.5566 0.01759 1662 959 481 222
67 HON! HURRY UP AND TAKE THAT DAM PIC. 1.5538 0.01894 1468 862 399 206
68 Probably not worth trying to get your bone back. 1.5524 0.01461 2241 1261 720 259
69 It's ok. He's the President. 1.5509 0.02248 1140 699 254 187
70 I guess we found where the wild things are. 1.5507 0.02326 977 576 264 137
71 Uh, I think it's one of your demons. Mine all wear suits. 1.5504 0.01849 1528 902 413 213
72 Woof? Bit of an understatement wouldn't you say? 1.5498 0.01792 1526 874 465 186
73 You're the seeing eye dog, what is it? 1.5495 0.01832 1616 966 412 238
74 I bet if THIS guy told you to sit... 1.5443 0.01909 1389 812 398 179
75 Let's just skip the part about confronting your worst fears and run like hell. 1.5436 0.02246 1021 602 283 136
76 Let’s both play dead. 1.5347 0.01782 1554 913 451 190
77 I'm sorry, Rufus. I just don't think he respects your urine-based territorial boundaries. 1.5342 0.01813 1447 838 445 164
78 See, this is what happens when you drink from the toilet. 1.5334 0.02423 928 570 221 137
79 Under the circumstances feel free to be as vicious as you’d like. 1.5331 0.01536 2054 1213 591 249
80 Try wagging your tail. 1.5317 0.01661 1670 961 531 178
81 He thinks you ate his MAGA hat. 1.5315 0.01857 1603 994 366 243
82 No, I don’t know Maurice Sendak. Why do you ask? 1.5271 0.01832 1512 910 407 195
83 Don't worry - I think those goofy artists at the New Yorker inserted us into the wrong cartoon. 1.5223 0.02008 1258 763 333 162
84 I'd let him sniff whatever he wants 1.5215 0.01772 1578 949 435 194
85 Beg. 1.5212 0.01837 1558 960 382 215
86 Oh, NOW you need to pee? 1.5184 0.01530 2016 1205 581 230
87 You had to pee on the rock, didn’t you. 1.5168 0.01597 1846 1096 546 204
88 This is where you bare your teeth and growl. 1.5093 0.01635 1667 981 523 163
89 No way, too small for a purebred. I'm guessing...were-doodle. 1.5057 0.01877 1408 869 366 173
90 Well Lucky, what are we going to call you now? 1.5051 0.02679 681 418 182 81
91 No, we’re not getting another one. You barely take care of the one we already have. 1.5030 0.01847 1489 932 365 192
92 You could at least bark 1.5030 0.01747 1489 892 445 152
93 And guess what? They’ll vote him in too... 1.4993 0.01904 1458 933 322 203
94 I don’t care if she is in heat, the answer is no. 1.4974 0.02042 1174 736 295 143
95 Heel, boy; nothing you haven't seen on Fox News already. 1.4960 0.01956 1375 884 299 191
96 Rex, kill. 1.4948 0.01960 1350 863 306 181
97 I know, I can't pee with someone watching me either. 1.4943 0.02123 1050 648 285 117
98 We're going to need at least one more poop bag. 1.4894 0.01924 1322 833 331 158
99 You seriously didn't smell ANYTHING?? 1.4893 0.02377 795 485 231 79
100 Look, when you signed up to be a therapy dog, I never promised it would be a walk in the park! 1.4876 0.02660 644 396 182 66
101 We did say anyone else in 2020. 1.4865 0.02607 775 505 163 107
102 So now do you feel like pooping ? 1.4857 0.02131 1015 629 279 107
103 I'm sure he isn't allowed on the furniture either. 1.4845 0.02003 1195 753 304 137
104 Before global warming swamp monsters never got this far north. 1.4835 0.02119 1032 658 255 119
105 He wouldn’t take his pill. That’s what happens when you won’t take your pill. 1.4832 0.02107 1043 650 282 111
106 Your little schnauzer friend becomes quite the rascal at full moon time, doesn't he? 1.4826 0.01960 1210 756 324 130
107 You may have marked it as yours last week, but I'd let him have it. 1.4821 0.02000 1145 712 314 119
108 Perfectly good dog park a block from home but noooo you wanted more excitement in your life . 1.4819 0.01983 1185 742 315 128
109 Relax boy, we've got him outnumbered. 1.4814 0.02110 1047 656 278 113
110 Don't you dare even think about sniffing his rear! 1.4797 0.02023 1159 733 296 130
111 You keep him distracted...I’ll go for help. 1.4787 0.02488 752 473 198 81
112 This is why I get you vaccinated. 1.4770 0.02066 1065 666 290 109
113 You sniff his butt while I make a run for it. 1.4761 0.02103 1086 694 267 125
114 Don’t worry boy. It’s just a metaphorical manifestation of the times we’re living in. 1.4752 0.02145 1029 655 259 115
115 Let’s try the other dog park 1.4748 0.02060 1072 673 289 110
116 If he tries to sniff your butt, LET HIM. 1.4746 0.02107 1083 694 264 125
117 ...but the Roomba you're afraid of. 1.4719 0.02124 1013 640 268 105
118 I just marked my territory too." 1.4711 0.02211 987 637 235 115
119 He looks like a bully. Remember, bullies are cowards. 1.4707 0.02799 614 396 147 71
120 Not so tough now that you're not barking behind the window huh? 1.4688 0.02089 1011 643 270 98
121 No worries, Henry, let’s go to your second favorite tree! 1.4676 0.02046 1018 632 296 90
122 Apparently, some dogs go to hell. 1.4673 0.02305 903 585 214 104
123 A "Sorry I forced you to take my route today, Bob" might be appropriate about now. 1.4658 0.02098 966 601 280 85
124 What are the chances it is a vegetarian? 1.4637 0.02566 703 452 176 75
125 No, you ask him if he has your ball. 1.4632 0.02242 883 560 237 86
126 G o ahead, tell me again about the time you scared a squirrel away. 1.4623 0.02238 863 543 241 79
127 That 1% difference in DNA sure goes a long way. 1.4622 0.02369 859 562 197 100
128 You're saying this guy stole your squeaky toy? 1.4619 0.02223 918 588 236 94
129 That's why we got you from a licensed breeder. 1.4593 0.02565 688 442 176 70
130 The ball is the least of our worries. 1.4591 0.02626 660 425 167 68
131 Take him for a walk around Lake Diablo,' she says. 'It's so peaceful around Lake Diablo,' she says. 1.4586 0.02329 870 568 204 97
132 That could be you if you applied yourself. 1.4582 0.02470 801 530 175 96
133 I'd skip the sniff. 1.4573 0.02207 866 545 246 75
134 Ya know, the cat never gets me in to these situations 1.4568 0.02703 637 415 153 69
135 You got this.” 1.4561 0.02407 809 529 191 89
136 Retractable Leash, Giant Werewolf Repellent, Doggie Doo Bag: which one do you think I forgot? 1.4551 0.02331 824 531 211 82
137 I wouldn't try doing your leg thing 1.4542 0.02387 841 556 188 97
138 I don’t care. We’re not leaving until you go. 1.4541 0.02389 817 535 193 89
139 What did we say about online dating? 1.4531 0.02355 821 534 202 85
140 I know it's your standard greeting, but I'd strongly advise against it. 1.4528 0.02374 762 486 207 69
141 This is why I give you non-GMO dog food. 1.4520 0.02635 677 446 156 75
142 I hate it when you act like you see things I don't. 1.4515 0.02391 804 526 193 85
143 Now do you think selling your eternal soul for that bone was a good idea? 1.4514 0.02453 802 534 174 94
144 Couldn’t pee near the house, could you? Had to go for a walk, didn’t you? 1.4497 0.02350 776 497 209 70
145 You might want to rethink on-line dating.... 1.4495 0.02484 763 505 173 85
146 You didn’t smell this coming? 1.4494 0.02370 770 495 204 71
147 So this is where the wild things are... 1.4489 0.02656 675 449 149 77
148 Just answer the damn riddle. 1.4479 0.02535 701 458 172 71
149 Is this what you wanted to show me? 1.4469 0.02452 734 477 186 71
150 Now I need a poop bag. 1.4468 0.02503 752 500 168 84
151 Still want the leash off? 1.4467 0.02487 732 480 177 75
152 Don't be silly. He's probably more afraid of you than you are of him. 1.4459 0.02481 758 503 172 83
153 Is this the bully at the dog park? 1.4450 0.02406 737 475 196 66
154 What do you mean “were my best friend”? 1.4432 0.02401 722 463 198 61
155 Relax. He’s more afraid of you than you are of him. 1.4423 0.02448 719 467 186 66
156 You promoted yourself as a rescue dog, so nows your big chance. 1.4417 0.02485 729 481 174 74
157 This is one of those times I really wish you could just go in the back yard. 1.4406 0.02514 699 457 172 68
158 That's what you'll turn into if you keep eating the cat's poop! 1.4405 0.02669 681 462 138 81
159 Give him your low growl, Killer. 1.4405 0.02484 681 440 182 59
160 I told you not to go on Ancestry.com, but you wanted to meet your relatives. 1.4402 0.02505 736 491 166 79
161 How have you STILL not gone yet? 1.4397 0.02514 705 465 170 70
162 We don't need a gun my wife says. Get a dog; he'll protect us! 1.4393 0.02514 708 468 169 71
163 That does it. I’m calling the condo association. 1.4380 0.02620 669 447 151 71
164 All of the sudden you're nightly "howl-at-the-moon" routine doesn't seem so impressive, now does it? 1.4374 0.02482 711 468 175 68
165 Do you have an extra poop bag? 1.4372 0.02493 716 474 171 71
166 See, this is why I don't use an online dating service. 1.4368 0.02646 680 461 141 78
167 Go for the throat! 1.4363 0.02625 667 447 149 71
168 There, we found what was making the noise. Can we go back inside now? 1.4332 0.02564 644 422 165 57
169 Let’s see those puppy-dog eyes get you out of this one. 1.4327 0.02653 617 408 151 58
170 How do you still not have to pee? 1.4326 0.02586 668 446 155 67
171 We're not in Kansas anymore Toto. 1.4318 0.02885 528 351 126 51
172 You bark at the TV, but this you're fine with? 1.4318 0.02597 667 447 152 68
173 Give him your nasty, long growl like when I keep you from licking my dinner plate. 1.4290 0.02581 634 418 160 56
174 The Doggie Monster eats bad little dogs that pee on carpets.” 1.4288 0.02614 639 426 152 61
175 It appears you were right, Ralph—this is an off-leash park. 1.4276 0.02637 615 408 151 56
176 "He was downwind" is your excuse? 1.4267 0.02702 607 408 139 60
177 Why, yes, "troll" can be a noun. 1.4267 0.02630 607 401 153 53
178 What do you mean “give him my wallet”? 1.4266 0.03007 504 341 109 53
179 You know she's out of your league, right? 1.4261 0.02722 575 382 141 52
180 I'd vote for him against Trump 1.4261 0.02755 629 434 122 73
181 Oh well. Right now the real world is a lot scarier than anything this guy can dish out. 1.4261 0.02604 629 418 154 57
182 Leave it. Leave it! 1.4251 0.02698 614 415 137 62
183 The FedEx guy knocks on the door, you're ready to tear his leg off, but Beelzebub on a rock ... not a peep. 1.4244 0.02685 615 415 139 61
184 And remember Sparky... When you attack, go for the throat. 1.4243 0.02627 601 397 153 51
185 After three years of Trump....this fool doesn't scare me at all. 1.4235 0.02813 614 428 112 74
186 Relax, this is just what she looks like when she's hungry...you should see her when I forget to put the toilet seat down 1.4233 0.02798 593 409 118 66
187 He is not your father Luke 1.4224 0.02763 606 416 124 66
188 Don't try to hump this one. 1.4219 0.02664 602 403 144 55
189 You bark like a maniac at anyone wearing a hat. Now you got nothin? 1.4217 0.02733 581 391 135 55
190 This is serious. Quit wagging your tail. 1.4212 0.02630 603 401 150 52
191 Don't worry, your new owner was thoroughly vetted by the Trump administration. 1.4211 0.02876 596 419 103 74
192 Stand up to a bully once and he'll never bother you again. 1.4211 0.02725 596 404 133 59
193 That rabies shot doesn't sound so bad anymore, does it? 1.4207 0.02694 599 404 138 57
194 You look more like your mother 1.4204 0.02721 597 405 133 59
195 Kill Mr. Snuggles, Kill! 1.4198 0.02800 586 403 120 63
196 We all have our demons. 1.4193 0.02848 539 365 122 52
197 You keep him busy, boy. I'll run for help. 1.4192 0.02739 582 394 132 56
198 Lulu - kill! 1.4191 0.02743 587 399 130 58
199 My hiccups just stopped! 1.4185 0.02832 540 365 124 51
200 Remember, he just thinks he's president. 1.4171 0.02930 573 405 97 71
201 This. This is why we don't howl. 1.4153 0.02788 561 382 125 54
202 All you can say is "woof"? 1.4149 0.02685 564 376 142 46
203 Oh, but if it were delivering our mail, then you’d go ballistic? 1.4143 0.02873 519 352 119 48
204 Finally, something worth barking at, but you’ve got nothing? 1.4141 0.02782 553 375 127 51
205 See what happens when you don't get your shots? 1.4125 0.02841 543 374 115 54
206 Your call. 1.4125 0.02944 514 354 108 52
207 I warned you he wouldn't look like his Tinder profile. 1.4121 0.02794 546 371 125 50
208 I’m going to need a bigger poop bag. 1.4117 0.02911 549 384 104 61
209 Hmm. That's why this side of the lake isn't crowded. 1.4108 0.02857 499 335 123 41
210 Now do you think the invisible fence is a good idea? 1.4107 0.02824 521 352 124 45
211 Just pretend it's the mailman. 1.4104 0.02711 536 364 127 45
212 This is why we give Mum extra space every so often. 1.4104 0.02951 536 376 100 60
213 This is probably a good place to stop and head back. 1.4096 0.02817 498 332 128 38
214 I thought you said Timmy fell down a well. 1.4094 0.02939 530 370 103 57
215 I think he just wants to play 1.4088 0.03462 340 229 83 28
216 Still constipated? 1.4080 0.02832 522 355 121 46
217 Don't buy a pit bull, she said. They're too dangerous, she said. Get a nice, gentle dog, she said. 1.4066 0.02803 519 356 118 45
218 It would help if you stopped looking like lunch. 1.4062 0.02918 480 325 115 40
219 Remember, it's the size of the fight in the dog! 1.4058 0.02875 483 325 120 38
220 Well, now you know what you were barking at. 1.4054 0.02972 481 330 107 44
221 Let’s let him keep the old tennis ball. 1.4051 0.02811 506 341 125 40
222 This walk just became a run. 1.4047 0.02868 509 348 116 45
223 I'm thinking shepherd mix. 1.4043 0.02872 465 310 122 33
224 I told you that ancestry website was a bad idea. 1.4032 0.02913 496 348 99 49
225 I told you sometimes it's best to ignore those '23 and Me' connections. 1.4032 0.02801 501 337 126 38
226 So you bark at the mailman, but not this? 1.4028 0.02780 499 334 129 36
227 Sorry I blamed you for all those bones in the yard. 1.4025 0.02966 482 332 106 44
228 What if I told you he also delivers our mail? 1.4020 0.02889 500 343 113 44
229 OK, so where is barks-his-head-off at the mailman now, huh? 1.4016 0.03029 493 347 94 52
230 Why did he say, ‘Luke, I am your father.’? 1.4012 0.02968 491 341 103 47
231 What scares me is, who elected him President? 1.4012 0.03118 491 352 81 58
232 Dating profiles always lie. 1.4008 0.02868 484 336 108 40
233 Great. Uncle Fred has been to another Trump campaign rally. 1.4008 0.03141 489 352 78 59
234 What do you say we take a pass on the butt sniff this one time. 1.4004 0.02950 482 332 107 43
235 OK, now I believe you. 1.4000 0.02929 480 329 110 41
236 No we can't keep him 1.3996 0.02945 483 333 107 43
237 See what happens when you howl at the moon? 1.3996 0.02856 483 327 119 37
238 'Bark'? Mitzi, you're going to have to step up your game here. 1.3996 0.02886 483 329 115 39
239 What do you mean, "We canines stick together"? 1.3991 0.03111 466 329 88 49
240 Pretend it’s the cat. 1.3991 0.03044 441 302 102 37
241 He drinks from the toilet 1.3987 0.03030 464 322 99 43
242 ... but you're afraid of the vacuum?" 1.3983 0.02829 482 325 122 35
243 Alright, Fluffy - this is what you were trained for. 1.3975 0.02988 473 328 102 43
244 Unlike you, its bite is worse than its bark. 1.3970 0.02935 471 323 109 39
245 Well, there are very fine people on both sides. 1.3966 0.03114 474 338 84 52
246 Its only Frank from down the street. Moonlight in Vermont affects each of us in its own unique way. 1.3966 0.02975 469 324 104 41
247 Just don't sniff his butt. 1.3962 0.02756 472 323 115 34
248 I'm sure it hides under the bed during a thunderstorm just like you. 1.3961 0.03060 467 328 93 46
249 No ,no .That's his tree . . 1.3961 0.02825 467 313 123 31
250 I wish I brought more poop bags. 1.3957 0.03015 470 328 98 44
251 Hey, you're the one who wanted to go to where the wild things are! 1.3952 0.02954 463 318 107 38
252 This will be the third tennis ball we lost today. 1.3952 0.02970 463 319 105 39
253 So no reaction to this, but if the doorbell rings... 1.3952 0.03017 463 322 99 42
254 If you haven't pooped by now, I don't think it's happening. 1.3952 0.02986 463 320 103 40
255 Your "play dead" days are about to come to an end. 1.3951 0.03089 448 313 93 42
256 I told you going for a walk on the night of a full moon was a bad idea. 1.3951 0.03056 448 311 97 40
257 Let's think of it as "fake news" Fido, and walk on. 1.3948 0.03010 461 320 100 41
258 Oh good, you went. 1.3948 0.02915 461 314 112 35
259 I don't have to outrun him. I just have to outrun you. 1.3946 0.03147 446 315 86 45
260 This is one of those times we talked about when it's OK to bark at someone. 1.3944 0.02933 464 318 109 37
261 OK, so I've been wrong about you barking at nothing. 1.3943 0.02824 459 307 123 29
262 So. I am to assume you barked " There's an animal from Hell" not "Timmy's fallen in the well"? 1.3934 0.02989 455 314 103 38
263 This would be a good time to demonstrate that powerful instinct to protect me that I’m always hearing about. 1.3934 0.02907 455 309 113 33
264 Now I know how you feel about the vacuum cleaner. 1.3929 0.02899 453 307 114 32
265 You stay here, I'll go get help. 1.3920 0.02950 449 307 108 34
266 ok, now’s your chance to prove you’re my best friend 1.3910 0.03084 445 312 92 41
267 He looks like a mixed breed. 1.3906 0.02970 448 308 105 35
268 I hope you're seeing this too. 1.3895 0.03097 439 308 91 40
269 Do you STILL want to go where the wild things are? 1.3895 0.03063 439 306 95 38
270 Don't worry, old boy.It's called a Donald, and it's nothing but bluster. 1.3895 0.03080 439 307 93 39
271 Looks like we’ll both be playing dead. 1.3885 0.03048 435 302 97 36
272 You see that, right? 1.3885 0.02959 435 297 107 31
273 Another damn candidate for President! 1.3885 0.03266 417 298 76 43
274 Maybe we should try the dog park again. 1.3883 0.03008 443 307 100 36
275 Don’t worry, my dog’s really friendly! 1.3875 0.03102 431 302 91 38
276 It wasn’t a cat. Can we go back to bed? 1.3869 0.03129 429 302 88 39
277 Elections have consequences 1.3869 0.03364 429 316 60 53
278 Try growling again. 1.3866 0.03043 432 300 97 35
279 I don't recommend sniffing his butt. 1.3864 0.03086 427 298 93 36
280 Try humping this one, Romeo. 1.3862 0.03326 391 278 75 38
281 Okay, you wanted to be the alpha. Go for it. 1.3861 0.03400 373 265 72 36
282 One last walk, you said. It will help us sleep, you said. 1.3859 0.03078 425 298 90 36
283 You can smell his butt from here. 1.3859 0.03253 425 306 74 45
284 Wow, her online profile didn't mention everything, did it?! 1.3859 0.03060 425 295 96 34
285 Duke, this is your father. 1.3857 0.03323 407 293 71 43
286 Can you take him or should we run? 1.3857 0.03104 420 293 92 35
287 He said he's a relative of yours. From the old country. 1.3857 0.03030 420 289 100 31
288 Are you sure you want to be a guard dog? 1.3855 0.02972 428 293 105 30
289 This is our new postman. 1.3854 0.03232 410 291 80 39
290 Let’s get a small dog, my wife said. We don’t need a guard dog, my wife said. We live in a safe area, my wife said. What can happen, my wife said.... 1.3850 0.03251 413 295 77 41
291 Remember, go in low. 1.3848 0.03181 395 275 88 32
292 I think you could take him. 1.3848 0.03090 408 282 95 31
293 No, this isn't a job for the cat! 1.3841 0.03262 414 297 75 42
294 If you're going to pee, now would be the time. 1.3837 0.03062 417 289 96 32
295 But you'll howl at the delivery man. 1.3835 0.03144 412 289 88 35
296 Can't even walk my dog at night without thinking of Donald Trump. 1.3835 0.03219 412 293 80 39
297 Sure, go ahead, sniff his butt 1.3835 0.03182 412 291 84 37
298 You dragged me ALL the way out here and now you don't have to go? 1.3826 0.03043 413 285 98 30
299 Okay, maybe it IS the size of the dog in the fight. 1.3816 0.03202 380 264 87 29
300 Really? You still won't poop? 1.3806 0.03178 402 283 85 34
301 When it's not a full moon, he is really a poodle. 1.3805 0.03212 389 273 84 32
302 You know, Fred... If this happened back before 2016, I would be surprised. 1.3805 0.03431 389 284 62 43
303 Either it’s the pot brownie talking, or were about to be edibles. 1.3802 0.03122 405 283 90 32
304 It's your nightmare. You deal with it. 1.3802 0.03002 405 277 102 26
305 No, not a good time to bark. 1.3802 0.03062 405 280 96 29
306 For an emotional support dog, you sure are anxious. 1.3802 0.02940 405 274 108 23
307 You got this, right? 1.3800 0.03006 400 273 102 25
308 Seriously? THAT's the puppy daddy? 1.3798 0.03305 387 276 75 36
309 Well, it's no vacuum cleaner, but I think this is where you bark. 1.3795 0.03143 390 271 90 29
310 That's OK boy, I just peed too. 1.3794 0.03258 398 284 77 37
311 All barked out, huh? Used them all up on the postman? 1.3792 0.03128 385 266 92 27
312 Aren’t you supposed to be barking or something? 1.3792 0.03192 385 269 86 30
313 If this doesn't cure your constipation, I don't know what will. 1.3792 0.03357 385 277 70 38
314 This is what you dragged me out here to see? 1.3791 0.03082 401 278 94 29
315 If ever there was a time for you to bark your brains out, this is it. 1.3789 0.03174 388 276 81 31
316 How fast can you imitate a Pit Bull? 1.3789 0.03338 388 279 71 38
317 You're right, the mailman is a monster. 1.3788 0.03210 396 280 82 34
318 Friend of yours? 1.3784 0.03214 370 257 86 27
319 Honestly, I think you should look for another spot 1.3782 0.03160 394 276 87 31
320 Okay, Beowulf. Time for you to step up to the plate. 1.3782 0.03056 394 271 97 26
321 No you cannot sniff his butt. 1.3780 0.03149 381 264 90 27
322 What say we skip full-moon nights from now on, Champ? 1.3777 0.03309 376 267 76 33
323 I know we told Fluffy not to eat those mushrooms, but she is a cat and cats just don't listen. 1.3777 0.03435 376 273 64 39
324 Wanna go for a run? 1.3776 0.03312 392 284 69 39
325 We're getting a dog walker. 1.3776 0.03232 392 278 80 34
326 Remember him? He’s the instructor from dog obedience school. 1.3776 0.03312 392 282 72 38
327 Take a good look Spot, this is puberty. 1.3774 0.03302 363 255 79 29
328 Dare you to sniff his ass. 1.3773 0.03282 387 276 76 35
329 Actually, it's your pal Milo. Quite the drama queen at full moon! 1.3769 0.03055 390 273 88 27
330 Fine, I regret not believing you when you barked. 1.3766 0.03147 385 268 89 28
331 It’s the soul of chewed shoes. 1.3766 0.03144 393 275 88 30
332 I knew Tinder for dogs was a bad idea. 1.3763 0.03295 388 277 74 36
333 Please tell me your bite is actually bigger than your bark 1.3763 0.03151 388 277 80 31
334 Don’t stare, Rex, you’re making him feel uncomfortable. 1.3756 0.03119 386 268 91 27
335 You know the drill: You smell his butt and then he gets to smell yours. 1.3756 0.03327 386 278 71 37
336 I suppose "attack" is out of the question. 1.3756 0.03225 386 273 81 32
337 Your turn to clean up after me. 1.3756 0.03348 386 279 69 38
338 Don’t be so judgmental, he’s a rescue. 1.3753 0.03080 389 269 94 26
339 You didn’t tell me your lady friend was such a looker. 1.3750 0.03298 384 275 74 35
340 What is it boy, do you see something? 1.3750 0.03313 368 261 76 31
341 Don't you dare play dead. 1.3747 0.03069 387 267 95 25
342 Don’t judge. You were a rescue too. 1.3746 0.03280 355 248 81 26
343 The trail sign did say maximum difficulty. 1.3743 0.03096 382 264 93 25
344 Don't worry bud. We'll defeat him in 2020. 1.3743 0.03341 382 278 66 38
345 Well that’s just great. Another dog off leash. Why bother posting the sign if people aren’t going to take it seriously? 1.3743 0.03268 382 272 77 33
346 So are you gonna go sniff his butt or what? 1.3740 0.03101 385 280 76 29
347 Oh. Now we don’t feel like barking our head off, do we? 1.3737 0.03172 380 266 86 28
348 Just think of it as a real big squirrel. 1.3737 0.03128 380 264 90 26
349 You're not the only one who has to pee. 1.3737 0.03301 380 272 74 34
350 And this is why canine Tinder is a bad idea. 1.3737 0.03259 380 270 78 32
351 See? THIS is the kind of thing it's okay to bark at. 1.3737 0.03038 380 260 98 22
352 Sure, I would like to delete my internet history, message my loved ones and change my underwear...but here we are. 1.3737 0.03237 380 269 80 31
353 Twice in one walk? 1.3735 0.03391 340 242 70 28
354 Go ahead, try and hump his leg. 1.3734 0.03364 383 278 67 38
355 That's what people food does to you. 1.3733 0.03396 375 272 66 37
356 How am I the only one pooping right now? 1.3727 0.03336 381 275 70 36
357 Oh, but you'll bark at the neighbor's corgi? 1.3727 0.03187 381 268 84 29
358 It's bad enough Trump deforested the national parks. Installing lifelike statues of himself where the trees had been is beyond the pale. 1.3727 0.03408 373 271 65 37
359 I thought you marked this as your territory. 1.3727 0.03279 373 265 77 31
360 Just remember: it's the size of the fight in the dog. 1.3720 0.03269 371 262 78 30
361 See why vaccines are important. 1.3717 0.03266 382 273 76 33
362 You dragged me all the way out here just for this? 1.3715 0.03444 358 259 65 34
363 Really, you still can't go? 1.3713 0.03235 369 260 81 28
364 You can't outrun me if i don't drop the leash. 1.3706 0.03477 340 244 66 30
365 You couldn’t smell this coming a mile away? 1.3703 0.03295 370 264 75 31
366 We must be in a Red State " 1.3701 0.03494 354 258 61 35
367 Cat got your tongue? 1.3699 0.03283 346 242 80 24
368 I think mom needs a Snickers bar 1.3699 0.03327 365 261 73 31
369 This is why we have the fence. 1.3696 0.03194 368 267 72 29
370 You might need to pick up after me. 1.3696 0.03240 368 260 80 28
371 No doubt his bite is bigger than your bark. 1.3695 0.03418 341 243 70 28
372 See? I told you that wasn't Mrs. Miller's dog howling at the moon. 1.3692 0.03243 344 241 80 23
373 Where is your incessant barking now? 1.3692 0.03346 344 243 75 26
374 Well, it's not a tree, but it will have to do. 1.3689 0.03228 366 265 71 30
375 Looks like the politicians have started their hometown visits. 1.3686 0.03045 369 253 96 20
376 He was a good boy once. But he started refusing to sit or stay, then he ate the occasional shoe... I'm just sayin', Max. 1.3684 0.03329 361 260 69 31
377 Not all dogs go to heaven, Steve. 1.3678 0.03424 329 233 71 25
378 Let's look for your ball tomorrow after the catnip wears off. 1.3677 0.03223 359 252 82 25
379 When you bit him, I thought he’d turn into something much more adorable. 1.3677 0.03270 359 254 78 27
380 Now would be a good time to beg. 1.3675 0.03402 332 235 72 25
381 You're still the alpha dog at our house, Rex. 1.3674 0.03275 362 257 77 28
382 Remember, the walk was your idea. 1.3674 0.03286 362 260 72 30
383 Now you can beg. 1.3674 0.03275 362 257 77 28
384 Just tell him that we are still considering his offer to buy Greenland 1.3669 0.03400 357 258 67 32
385 No, it's not a mirror 1.3669 0.03330 357 255 73 29
386 Where's all the barking now? 1.3669 0.03282 357 253 77 27
387 Go on Rex, tell him you want your stick back. 1.3668 0.03432 349 252 66 31
388 You knew the risk of surprise before taking your DNA test. 1.3667 0.03379 360 260 68 32
389 Stay; he's full of fleas. 1.3667 0.03203 360 255 79 26
390 I had always thought 'Where the Wild Things Are' was just more of my parents' bullshit 1.3662 0.03319 355 253 74 28
391 bark twice if you see him too 1.3662 0.03342 355 254 72 29
392 Great, now everybody has a weredoodle except me. 1.3662 0.03294 355 252 76 27
393 Relax, Duke. He's a vegan. 1.3659 0.03299 358 254 75 28
394 Can you growl please! 1.3659 0.03299 358 255 75 28
395 Now, don’t just play dead. Sell it. 1.3659 0.03322 358 256 73 29
396 This is the last time I'm ever doing hallucinogens with you, Steve. 1.3654 0.03496 353 259 59 35
397 Still think GMOs are harmless? 1.3654 0.03379 353 254 69 30
398 If this doesn't make you go potty, then we're headed back home. 1.3654 0.03355 353 253 71 29
399 Barking would be a good start. 1.3654 0.03157 353 245 87 21
400 If he's not a friend of yours, we better run. 1.3654 0.03157 353 245 87 21
401 She’s out of your league, Rex. 1.3650 0.03416 337 241 69 27
402 'Yip, yip, yip' all day long at the Rumba, but no 'heads up' on this? 1.3650 0.03518 337 245 61 31
403 Remember, Ralphie, when we meet someone new, we don't jump up or pee on their foot. 1.3647 0.03392 351 253 68 30
404 I'm sorry I blamed you for howling at the moon. 1.3644 0.03371 354 255 69 30
405 This is what you were barking at. Are you happy now? 1.3642 0.03377 346 248 70 28
406 Hopefully it will end with the 2021 inauguration. 1.3639 0.03429 349 253 65 31
407 Great, you sure did flush it out. Now what? 1.3639 0.03256 349 246 79 24
408 See what happens when you eat your own poo? 1.3639 0.03500 349 270 43 36
409 This could only happen in a New Yorker cartoon. 1.3634 0.03464 344 250 63 31
410 What are we looking at? I forgot my glasses. 1.3631 0.03344 347 248 72 27
411 OK, I guess we'll finally get to test your theory that you can run faster than me. 1.3631 0.03502 325 234 64 27
412 Get out of the City for the summer, they said. The Catskills are great for your health, they said... 1.3626 0.03352 342 246 69 27
413 What is it boy? What do you see? 1.3625 0.03403 331 236 70 25
414 I'm going to need a bigger bag. 1.3623 0.03575 345 256 53 36
415 Not to worry, it is just the President of the United States, he will change into something else soon. 1.3622 0.03598 323 236 57 30
416 He's a mix, too. 1.3621 0.03434 348 253 64 31
417 Just remember, it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. 1.3618 0.03391 340 244 69 27
418 This is the monster who comes for little doggies who don't stop peeing in their daddy's shoes. 1.3618 0.03466 340 247 63 30
419 I don't see a thing. Did you get into my edibles again? 1.3618 0.03614 340 255 48 37
420 No he may NOT come over for a play date. 1.3615 0.03293 343 243 76 24
421 His name is fluffy and he won best of breed. 1.3613 0.03423 346 251 65 30
422 We may have to sacrifice one or two of your doggie treats. 1.3612 0.03293 335 236 77 22
423 This is what happens when you drink from the toilet. 1.3609 0.03259 338 240 75 23
424 Chester, did you dig up this nice man's herb garden? 1.3609 0.03378 338 242 70 26
425 Are you sure this is where you buried the bone? 1.3609 0.03290 327 229 78 20
426 Don't worry, he's vegan. 1.3607 0.03331 341 245 70 26
427 Great. Now I have to pee too. 1.3607 0.03357 341 244 71 26
428 I told you not to eat those mushrooms. 1.3607 0.03382 341 245 69 27
429 Should have chosen 'give the kids a bath' 1.3601 0.03311 336 238 75 23
430 You said you wanted to meet your birth mother. 1.3601 0.03594 336 249 53 34
431 see what happens when you lick yourself that way 1.3601 0.03545 336 247 57 32
432 I told you the pot treats would not be good for you! 1.3601 0.03469 336 244 63 29
433 Now we can both learn to play dead. 1.3599 0.03291 339 240 76 23
434 It's time to show me why you're called man's best friend. 1.3599 0.03344 339 242 72 25
435 Now I need to go to the bathroom 1.3599 0.03317 339 241 74 24
436 Like I’ve been telling you, this is what happens if you don’t wear your flea collar. 1.3599 0.03522 339 249 58 32
437 Now you know why I take you to the groomer! 1.3599 0.03291 339 240 76 23
438 See, now there’s someone who knows how to guard the front door. 1.3593 0.03324 334 237 74 23
439 I guess you can go off leash now.... 1.3591 0.03383 337 242 69 26
440 It wants to know if you’re friendly. 1.3591 0.03409 337 243 67 27
441 Repeat after me - woof, woof. 1.3584 0.03418 332 239 67 26
442 I see Frank is back on the Paleo diet. 1.3584 0.03444 332 240 65 27
443 I'm thinking the ancestry search wasn't such a good idea. 1.3584 0.03470 332 241 63 28
444 Oh? You know him? 1.3583 0.03582 321 235 57 29
445 I don't have any doggy bags left, so neither of us can get too scared right now, okay? 1.3582 0.03289 335 237 76 22
446 Now you decide not to bark? 1.3582 0.03178 335 233 84 18
447 So while he’s frightening looking to me, he smells alright to you. 1.3582 0.03289 335 237 76 22
448 May I give it one of your treats? 1.3578 0.03286 327 230 77 20
449 On 3, we BOTH roll over and play dead. 1.3576 0.03349 330 235 72 23
450 You throw a fit over a squirrel across the street and now you got nothing. 1.3576 0.03377 330 236 70 24
451 I wanted a rottweiler, but OH NO I really want a beagle she says. 1.3576 0.03458 330 239 64 27
452 This trainer had several positive reviews on Yelp. 1.3576 0.03431 330 238 66 26
453 I take it the whole alpha routine was pure theater? 1.3576 0.03431 330 240 63 27
454 That's the last time I let you follow a scent. 1.3574 0.03355 333 238 71 24
455 Go easy, I don't need his owner suing me 1.3574 0.03513 333 244 59 30
456 I thought he was still in D.C. 1.3567 0.03551 328 241 57 30
457 Go on. Sniff his ass. I dare you. 1.3567 0.03307 328 232 75 21
458 You just had to pee on THAT rock! 1.3567 0.03498 328 239 61 28
459 As a comfort dog, you aren’t helping much. 1.3560 0.03253 323 226 79 18
460 This is nothing, Fluffy. Remember the results of the 2016 election? 1.3560 0.03536 323 236 59 28
461 That’s what you become if you don’t let me clip your nails. 1.3560 0.03426 323 232 67 24
462 You're the one who wanted to see some wildlife. 1.3560 0.03340 323 229 73 21
463 Don't worry, he is more scared of you than you are of him. 1.3559 0.04075 236 171 46 19
464 Leeeave it! 1.3558 0.03319 326 231 74 21
465 This is why Mom is never home during a full moon. 1.3558 0.03539 326 239 58 29
466 What part of attack are you not understanding? 1.3558 0.03566 326 240 56 30
467 See, there’s nothing there. 1.3558 0.03513 326 238 60 28
468 It’s OK, buddy. I just went #2 too.” 1.3556 0.03489 329 240 61 28
469 You see? This is why we have to turn around at the corner. 1.3556 0.03354 329 235 71 23
470 Just remember, Rex, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog! 1.3551 0.03468 321 232 64 25
471 Don't look at me. You're the one who wanted to go for a walk. 1.3551 0.03353 321 233 65 23
472 That's what will happen to you if you keep licking yourself. 1.3551 0.03439 321 231 66 24
473 See -- he was once the runt of the litter, just like you. 1.3551 0.03439 321 231 66 24
474 He's responsible not just for thunder, lost balls and heartworms, but also for... Trump. 1.3549 0.03527 324 237 59 28
475 Still want to go for a walk? 1.3549 0.03360 324 231 71 22
476 And that’s why you only get non-GMO dog food. 1.3549 0.03472 324 235 63 26
477 Bark again - obviously it didn't hear you the first time. 1.3549 0.03332 324 230 73 21
478 You can go ahead and bark your head off now. 1.3548 0.03612 310 227 56 27
479 Says he’s on his way to a MAGA rally. 1.3545 0.03610 330 246 51 33
480 I should have hired a dog walker. 1.3543 0.03558 302 218 61 23
481 I told you toxic masculinity transcends species. 1.3542 0.03593 319 235 55 29
482 That's why you get your vaccines. 1.3540 0.03486 322 234 62 26
483 Seriously? You couldn’t smell him coming? 1.3540 0.03316 322 228 74 20
484 If this doesn't make you go, I don't know what will. 1.3539 0.03479 308 221 65 22
485 We’re gonna need a few more poop bags. 1.3533 0.03605 300 218 58 24
486 Oh, NOW you're quiet? 1.3531 0.03299 320 226 75 19
487 Supposedly, owning a pet helps people with their demons. 1.3529 0.03365 323 231 70 22
488 He's all blood-chilling howls from the depths of hell and no bite. 1.3524 0.03481 315 228 63 24
489 Look on the bright side, at least it's not a cat 1.3523 0.03620 298 217 57 24
490 I rescued you, so you owe me! 1.3522 0.03405 301 213 70 18
491 Sure, you shed less, but at least he can walk himself. 1.3521 0.03576 284 208 55 21
492 Well, this is awkward. 1.3515 0.03566 293 211 61 21
493 Don't be afraid, Fido. Our president will see to it that this species becomes extinct long before he comes any closer. 1.3514 0.03466 313 226 64 23
494 Unlike you, his bite is worse than his bark. 1.3514 0.03407 313 224 68 21
495 Well, this is when you get to be man's best friend. 1.3514 0.03237 313 221 75 17
496 So long story short, yes, you're adopted. 1.3514 0.03437 313 225 66 22
497 What do your mean it's outside your purview? 1.3514 0.03407 313 224 68 21
498 You know, sometimes it's OK to bark. 1.3514 0.03466 313 226 64 23
499 Man’s Best Friend meet Man’s Worst Night mare... 1.3506 0.03319 308 219 71 18
500 Yes it's true, your mom was a bitch - but now meet Dad. 1.3505 0.03481 311 225 63 23
501 Still can't go, eh? 1.3505 0.03569 311 228 57 26
502 Sic ‘em Waffles! 1.3505 0.03510 311 226 61 24
503 We’re gonna need a bigger dog. 1.3505 0.03540 311 227 59 25
504 See? He's been fixed, too. 1.3503 0.03457 314 227 64 23
505 Oh, so now you choose NOT to bark, but wag your tail.... 1.3503 0.03245 314 220 78 16
506 I guess we all have relatives we don't want to acknowledge. 1.3503 0.03428 314 228 63 23
507 My friend, we are both feeling inadequate. 1.3503 0.03398 314 225 68 21
508 Let's show him how we can both play dead. 1.3495 0.03373 309 222 67 20
509 He is to you just as Donald Trump is to me. 1.3495 0.03642 309 229 52 28
510 I don't see anything. I told you to lay off of the CBD treats. 1.3494 0.03381 312 223 69 20
511 Not barking now, are you? 1.3494 0.03411 312 224 67 21
512 Is this your nightmare or mine? 1.3487 0.03565 304 222 58 24
513 For heaven’s sake will you finally poop? 1.3487 0.03595 304 223 56 25
514 No need to fear--he'll be gone by 2020. 1.3487 0.03743 304 228 46 30
515 O.K., Fluffy. This is what your police dog training was all about. Attack! 1.3487 0.03503 304 220 62 22
516 No, I don't think a butt sniff is appropriate right now ... 1.3485 0.03323 307 225 61 21
517 How about we visit my side of the family next road trip? 1.3485 0.03354 307 218 71 18
518 This is where you growl...maybe bark. 1.3485 0.03354 307 218 71 18
519 It’s not The President, it’s just his son... 1.3484 0.03717 310 233 46 31
520 Now it's time for you to earn that premium dog food. 1.3475 0.03431 305 219 66 20
521 Now that's a guard dog, Fido. 1.3475 0.03462 305 220 64 21
522 The Parks Department and the Arts Council felt it expressed our nation's angst. 1.3475 0.03645 305 226 52 27
523 Good chance to play submissive. 1.3475 0.03431 305 219 66 20
524 Ignore it—it’s just one of my demons. 1.3475 0.03524 305 222 60 23
525 And now you don't bark? 1.3474 0.03377 308 220 69 19
526 Maintain eye contact and walk backwards slowly 1.3469 0.03451 294 210 66 18
527 Next time you have to use the bathroom at 2 a.m., just go on the floor. 1.3467 0.03533 300 218 60 22
528 He swallowed the frisbee. YOU ask for it back. 1.3467 0.03469 300 216 64 20
529 ‘Don’t chase the neighborhood cats,’ I said. ‘They’ll harness the powers of darkness,’ I said. 1.3465 0.03539 303 221 59 23
530 He's a Basset crossed with a Corgi. And yourself? 1.3465 0.03570 303 222 57 24
531 Pretend it's the mailman! 1.3465 0.03413 303 217 67 19
532 I'm gonna need a bigger dog 1.3465 0.03445 303 224 57 22
533 Can your bite to be worse than your bark this time? 1.3456 0.03516 298 216 61 21
534 Is there any hellish form John Bolton won’t take? 1.3456 0.03764 298 224 45 29
535 I did warn you about looking for your "real" dad 1.3456 0.03516 298 216 61 21
536 This would be a good time to break out the cujo routine you usually show to people who come to the front door. 1.3456 0.03673 298 221 51 26
537 No number two yet? 1.3456 0.03516 298 216 61 21
538 I don’t care if he’s off his leash, yours is staying on. 1.3456 0.03249 298 208 77 13
539 The mailman looks different without his uniform, doesn’t he? 1.3456 0.03548 298 217 59 22
540 Calm down, Rover. It's just Uncle Bob again after a big Trump rally! 1.3455 0.03736 301 226 46 29
541 Just let him sniff your butt and maybe he'll leave us alone. 1.3446 0.03330 296 209 72 15
542 Think about what you do next, Sparky. This is the role I've been grooming you for. 1.3446 0.03432 296 214 63 19
543 Not so eager to howl now, huh? 1.3446 0.03658 296 219 52 25
544 Please don't try to sniff his butt. 1.3446 0.03432 296 212 66 18
545 You and your sense of smell! 1.3445 0.03441 299 215 65 19
546 His owner's an anti-vaxxer. 1.3445 0.03506 299 217 61 21
547 That reminds me your should have your nails clipped. 1.3445 0.03506 299 217 61 21
548 Just don't start anything. 1.3445 0.03601 299 220 55 24
549 Don't even think of humping its leg. 1.3445 0.03693 299 223 49 27
550 Don't even think about raising your leg! 1.3441 0.03572 279 201 60 18
551 It has been a pleasure to serve under you Mr. Alpha Dog. 1.3435 0.03546 294 214 59 21
552 See what happens when don’t vote Democrat! 1.3435 0.03643 294 217 53 24
553 Ok, Mister. Let's see you howl your way out of this one. 1.3435 0.03480 294 212 63 19
554 Lassie would know what to do in this sort of situation. 1.3435 0.03546 294 214 59 21
555 We'll give him a chance to back down first. 1.3435 0.03273 294 206 75 13
556 This is exactly why we have leash laws. 1.3435 0.03768 294 220 45 28
557 And the vacuum cleaner IS worth barking at? 1.3435 0.03412 294 210 67 17
558 Well, you were a stray too. 1.3435 0.03446 294 211 65 18
559 This is what happened to him after he didn't bring back the ball his owner had thrown. 1.3435 0.03446 294 211 65 18
560 Do you see what happens when you're not a good boy? 1.3435 0.03480 294 212 63 19
561 Tim will be your counselor this summer. 1.3435 0.03546 294 214 59 21
562 I’m thinking you skip the usual greeting. 1.3435 0.03446 294 211 65 18
563 This is why we had you neutered. 1.3435 0.03446 294 211 65 18
564 Don't worry, your rabies shots are up-to-date 1.3435 0.03344 294 208 71 15
565 We need stricter leash laws. 1.3435 0.03480 294 212 63 19
566 Ollie, maybe we should stick to the small dog park. 1.3435 0.03546 294 214 59 21
567 Ok boy,what would Lassie do? 1.3435 0.03513 294 213 61 20
568 See? It’s just Satan! 1.3434 0.03553 297 217 58 22
569 Don't worry, he's more scared of us than we are of him. 1.3433 0.03496 300 218 61 21
570 I guess it did say 'likes dogs and long walks in the moonlight' 1.3425 0.03494 292 211 62 19
571 Pretty sure he's not talking to me. 1.3424 0.03503 295 214 61 20
572 Aren't you suppose to, like...WARN ME about this type of shit? 1.3424 0.03568 295 216 57 22
573 That ferocious bark might come in handy about now.” 1.3424 0.03369 295 210 69 16
574 Do you mind if I use a couple of your dog treats? 1.3424 0.03334 295 209 71 15
575 Promise me you'll stay away from steroids. 1.3424 0.03503 295 214 61 20
576 You're going to have to smell his butt, aren't you 1.3424 0.03503 295 214 61 20
577 Doesn't his owner know there's a leash law? 1.3417 0.03789 278 207 47 24
578 No more howling at the moon. 1.3415 0.03465 287 206 64 17
579 You see, this is what happens when you lick yourself down there. 1.3415 0.03735 287 214 48 25
580 She's a service dog, you can't pet her 1.3415 0.03534 287 208 60 19
581 you couldn't just settle for a walk in the park like the rest of your friends 1.3415 0.03429 287 205 66 16
582 It’s you or me, pal. It’s been a good run. 1.3414 0.03543 290 211 59 20
583 Even I could smell the sulfur. 1.3412 0.03590 296 218 55 23
584 I don't have a treat, but I suggest you play dead anyway. 1.3406 0.03443 276 196 66 14
585 Remember when crap like this was frightening? 1.3405 0.03638 279 204 55 20
586 Of all the mailmen you could have chased... 1.3404 0.03653 285 210 53 22
587 Let me quickly explain the principle of the sacrificial lamb 1.3403 0.03626 288 212 54 22
588 You're the one that wanted the full moon walk. Now what? 1.3403 0.03420 288 206 66 16
589 Don’t be afraid. The President is just having a bad day. 1.3403 0.03609 288 214 51 23
590 I think it's his chew toy now. 1.3403 0.03524 288 209 60 19
591 Oh don't worry. He just here to see a man about a dog. 1.3394 0.03825 274 205 45 24
592 It's not the size of the dog in the fight, Hector, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Bring me home an ear. 1.3392 0.03703 283 210 50 23
593 Relax. It’s the Bogeyman, not the mailman. 1.3392 0.03635 283 208 54 21
594 The back yard doesn't seem so bad now, does it? 1.3392 0.03422 283 202 66 15
595 I guess naming you Fang was a bit presumptuous... 1.3392 0.03539 286 208 59 19
596 He really should be on a leash. 1.3392 0.03504 286 207 61 18
597 Go easy on him. 1.3392 0.03574 286 209 57 20
598 I read the news everyday...this is nothing. 1.3392 0.03675 286 212 51 23
599 Please don’t bark. 1.3392 0.03574 286 209 57 20
600 Nobody I know. You? 1.3392 0.03434 286 205 65 16
601 You bark at the mailman every day, but no warning for this? 1.3391 0.03479 289 209 62 18
602 On the other hand, if you win you'll be a hero. 1.3383 0.03458 269 191 65 13
603 You just had to beg for a walk on super blood moon night. 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
604 He’s a mixed breed. 1.3381 0.03651 281 207 53 21
605 What ever you do, please don't sniff its butt. 1.3381 0.03616 281 206 55 20
606 It might look scary but it goes out on its own to pee 1.3381 0.03581 281 205 57 19
607 This is the play date you wanted? 1.3381 0.03651 281 207 53 21
608 It's OK, Buddy. He's smiling. 1.3380 0.03555 284 207 58 19
609 Are you sure you’re a therapy dog? 1.3380 0.03624 284 209 54 21
610 Time for you to do your man’s best friend thing. 1.3380 0.03589 284 208 56 20
611 See? I told you—skipping one grooming appointment is a slippery slope. 1.3380 0.03529 287 209 59 19
612 What? You suddenly forgot how to bark? 1.3370 0.03754 270 200 49 21
613 This is no time to play hump-the-leg. 1.3370 0.03826 270 202 45 23
614 See what happens to little boys who shred the toilet paper? 1.3370 0.03933 270 205 39 26
615 Confronting your mother was YOUR therapist's idea 1.3369 0.03668 279 206 52 21
616 It’s probably not a good idea to try to smell his butt. 1.3369 0.03597 279 204 56 19
617 Let's go, I think it's about to mark it's terority. 1.3369 0.03703 279 207 50 22
618 no, that's not just like me before I have my coffee! 1.3369 0.03709 282 210 49 23
619 Kill, Rover! 1.3368 0.03647 285 211 52 22
620 You mind if I throw him your treat? 1.3368 0.03553 288 211 57 20
621 What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? 1.3360 0.03618 253 184 54 15
622 It’s a Godzilladoodle. Hypoallergenic and no grooming required. 1.3358 0.03542 268 193 60 15
623 This is your imaginary friend, right? 1.3358 0.03603 274 200 56 18
624 Yes, I do remember your “little surgery.” What of it? 1.3357 0.03720 277 206 49 22
625 Don’t worry, we seem to be having the same dream. 1.3357 0.03326 280 198 70 12
626 You’re sure this is the mailman? 1.3357 0.03691 280 208 50 22
627 This is the last time I let you lead. 1.3357 0.03550 280 204 58 18
628 Now THAT’S a guard dog. 1.3346 0.03743 263 194 50 19
629 You can still try to mark your territory but that may escalate things here. 1.3346 0.03570 269 197 55 17
630 Don't even think about humping his leg. 1.3346 0.03766 272 202 47 22
631 Summon your inner Rin Tin Tin. 1.3346 0.03582 272 198 57 17
632 I'm hoping this is a friend of yours? 1.3346 0.03657 272 200 53 19
633 A bad boy is always tempting - but trust me, you'll regret it in the morning 1.3346 0.03657 272 200 53 19
634 That’s just the neighbor Dr Jekyll 1.3346 0.03730 272 202 49 21
635 Okay,you're the emotional support animal--batter up! 1.3346 0.03466 272 195 63 14
636 Don't show fear . . . they can smell it. 1.3346 0.03094 272 196 65 11
637 Whatever happens, don't roll in it. 1.3346 0.03657 272 200 53 19
638 Hey Buddy, looks like it's an off-leash park! 1.3346 0.03730 272 202 49 21
639 Thanks to you and your overactive bladder, we're about to be monster chow. 1.3346 0.03657 272 200 53 19
640 'Seriously, that's your spirit animal?' 1.3346 0.03802 272 204 45 23
641 This is where you leap to my defense. 1.3345 0.03479 275 198 62 15
642 If there was ever a time to bark, this is it. 1.3345 0.03610 281 207 54 20
643 But I don't need to outrun HIM; I just need to outrun YOU. 1.3333 0.03533 273 198 59 16
644 Never howl at the moon again 1.3333 0.03533 273 198 59 16
645 If you are really interested in her, remember, no means no! 1.3333 0.03895 273 208 39 26
646 This is where you earn your keep as my comfort dog. 1.3333 0.03839 261 195 45 21
647 You're just going to have to hold it until we find another rock. 1.3333 0.03571 273 199 57 17
648 Don't bark, you'll scare him. 1.3333 0.03571 273 199 57 17
649 Don't be intimidated. He whines at the vet,too. 1.3333 0.03718 273 203 49 21
650 Oh sure.. a falling leaf outside the window and you yap your head off, but for THIS you're, what, skeptical?. 1.3333 0.03608 273 205 47 21
651 I agree...her profile pic was misleading. 1.3333 0.03825 273 206 43 24
652 This is where you earn your keep" 1.3321 0.03548 271 197 58 16
653 If you can ignore climate change, this is a piece of cake. 1.3321 0.03736 271 202 48 21
654 Still want to move to the country?” 1.3321 0.03374 268 190 67 11
655 After this, you won't be so scared of the vacuum cleaner. 1.3321 0.03614 268 196 55 17
656 Now the question is, can I outrun the dog? 1.3321 0.03614 268 196 55 17
657 What, you think your breath is any better? 1.3321 0.03652 268 197 53 18
658 Were you planning to start barking any time soon? 1.3321 0.03456 268 192 63 13
659 So now you don’t want to bark? 1.3320 0.03779 259 192 48 19
660 Sorry,man...we just used our last bag. 1.3320 0.03819 259 193 46 20
661 If you were a cat, I'd be safe inside, cleaning a litterbox now. But no, a dog needs exercise and fresh air. 1.3320 0.03801 253 187 48 18
662 Not so much the alpha now, are we? 1.3309 0.03602 269 197 55 17
663 Let’s be optimistic, he could be a vegetarian. 1.3309 0.03485 269 194 61 14
664 Just tell him to SIT in your sternest bark. 1.3308 0.03707 266 197 50 19
665 Be cool, Rover, it’s just Ken Cuccinelli’s replacement for the Statue of Liberty!” 1.3308 0.03802 266 201 41 23
666 Just pee. 1.3308 0.03669 266 196 52 18
667 Ok, Rufus, here's where you earn your keep. 1.3308 0.03630 266 195 54 17
668 Bark -- see what happens. 1.3308 0.03345 266 188 68 10
669 Attack, Toby, attack! 1.3308 0.03669 266 196 52 18
670 well ? 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
671 That's you on steroids. 1.3308 0.03591 266 194 56 16
672 Now is not the time to pretend you’re a hunting dog. 1.3308 0.03470 266 191 62 13
673 Dammit, what does it take to make you crap faster? 1.3306 0.03919 242 180 44 18
674 How am I supposed to know how it self-identifies? 1.3304 0.04003 227 168 43 16
675 My fight or flight instinct is choosing the latter. How about yours? 1.3296 0.03591 270 198 55 17
676 Just be home by 10. 1.3296 0.03778 270 203 45 22
677 See what happens when you grow up without a leash? 1.3296 0.03500 267 193 60 14
678 No, Brutus. You are not looking into a mirror. 1.3296 0.03657 267 197 52 18
679 Alright, next time we're following my instincts. Yours are clearly broken. 1.3296 0.03579 267 195 56 16
680 Sic 'im, boy. 1.3296 0.03500 267 193 60 14
681 That's where being off-leash can lead. 1.3296 0.03500 267 203 46 18
682 You think he runs away from the neighbors cat? 1.3296 0.03619 267 196 54 17
683 No more walks in the moonlight. 1.3296 0.03657 267 197 52 18
684 Don't worry. He's more afraid of you than you are of him. 1.3296 0.03733 267 199 48 20
685 I know dogs usually don’t know their own size, but trust me on this one. 1.3294 0.03637 252 183 55 14
686 Hurry up. 1.3284 0.03646 268 198 52 18
687 Steady boy , he’s an endangered species . 1.3284 0.03646 268 198 52 18
688 What do you think? Is he a good boy? 1.3284 0.03684 268 199 50 19
689 Trust me his bark is much worse than his bite. 1.3282 0.03623 262 192 54 16
690 Luke...meet your father. 1.3282 0.03820 262 197 44 21
691 Whatever you do, don’t cry woof. 1.3282 0.03820 262 197 44 21
692 Are you sure that was who was under your bed? 1.3282 0.03781 262 196 46 20
693 OK, but I still wasn't wrong when I said you were crying wolf. 1.3282 0.03372 262 186 66 10
694 I told you it didn't sound like a Basset Hound! 1.3282 0.03623 262 192 54 16
695 I don’t suppose you can convince him that you’re the alpha dog? 1.3282 0.03703 262 194 50 18
696 Beg like you've never begged before. 1.3282 0.03733 259 192 49 18
697 See why we never walk this way? 1.3279 0.03638 247 179 55 13
698 I think I'll let you handle this. 1.3271 0.03478 269 195 60 14
699 No worries. It's just Jack Nicholson, 1.3270 0.03612 263 196 50 17
700 ...I don't care if she's in heat, this isn't ideal. 1.3270 0.03769 263 197 46 20
701 You should see his owner... 1.3269 0.03953 260 199 37 24
702 What did I tell you about marking your territory? 1.3269 0.03760 260 194 47 19
703 Now do you understand the difference between Good Dog and Bad Dog? 1.3269 0.03799 260 195 45 20
704 Where's that ferocious bark the mailman gets every day? 1.3269 0.03473 260 191 55 14
705 And where was that famous sense of smell three minutes ago? 1.3269 0.03473 260 187 61 12
706 You are not allowed to sniff his behind. 1.3269 0.03799 260 195 45 20
707 See what happens to doggies who don’t get their vaccines? 1.3269 0.03599 260 190 55 15
708 Just because he howls all night doesn't mean you're allowed to. 1.3269 0.03515 260 188 59 13
709 Well... what are you waiting for? Go sniff his butt. 1.3269 0.03760 260 194 47 19
710 Keep me calm, service dog, keep me calm. 1.3269 0.03760 260 194 47 19
711 Okay, Mr. Obedience School graduate, let's hear your plan. 1.3269 0.03680 260 192 51 17
712 Let's come back for your bone another day. 1.3269 0.03386 260 185 65 10
713 I guess now that he peed on it, you have to, too? 1.3269 0.03799 260 195 45 20
714 I bet that’s who didn’t pick up his poo 1.3269 0.03599 260 190 55 15
715 Your DNA results say this is your great, great, great grandmother. 1.3269 0.03557 260 189 57 14
716 You’ll need to find a new favorite spot to pee. 1.3269 0.03640 260 191 53 16
717 Steady.. Steady... Wait for my signal. 1.3269 0.03720 260 193 49 18
718 See? I told you it was nothing. 1.3269 0.03720 260 193 49 18
719 Oh, so this is why the pups look like that. 1.3269 0.03680 260 192 51 17
720 Well, you're the one who wanted to find your biological father. 1.3269 0.03640 260 191 53 16
721 Nice job Snoopy, he looks terrified! 1.3269 0.03720 260 193 49 18
722 Now there's a bad doggie! 1.3269 0.03320 260 199 47 14
723 Relax, he just wants to sniff your butt. 1.3268 0.03791 257 192 46 19
724 Fish and Game must have reintroduced them. 1.3268 0.03710 257 190 50 17
725 Donald Trump has changed his costume to reflect his personality! 1.3268 0.03870 257 196 39 22
726 Ok, you win. Next full moon I'll let you shit on the rug. 1.3268 0.03870 257 194 42 21
727 It’s bad enough I have to pick yours up! 1.3268 0.03627 257 188 54 15
728 Woof? That's all you've got, woof? 1.3268 0.03389 257 185 61 11
729 Great, do you have to go and sniff everything? 1.3268 0.03366 257 194 49 14
730 This is what we trained for. Sic 'em. 1.3268 0.03669 257 189 52 16
731 He is harmless. Just ignore his incessant Twitter feed. 1.3268 0.03909 257 195 40 22
732 I think we should go to the small dog section of the park. 1.3268 0.03710 257 190 50 17
733 He used to be a dog who wasn't a good boy. 1.3262 0.03779 233 170 50 13
734 Don't judge, Bailey. Not everyone was lucky enough o find a forever home. 1.3257 0.03708 261 194 49 18
735 Now who needs emotional support?” 1.3257 0.03708 261 194 49 18
736 See, that’s what happens if you run away overnight Rex. 1.3257 0.03375 261 199 47 15
737 Let's hope he had lunch. 1.3257 0.03668 261 193 51 17
738 C'mon boy, show him who's the daytime alpha male. 1.3256 0.03857 258 195 42 21
739 So I guess now’s as good a time as any to prove that whole ‘man’s best friend’ business. 1.3256 0.03218 258 190 56 12
740 And you just had to be cuter than that big Doberman at the shelter. 1.3250 0.03796 240 177 48 15
741 I see my ex-brother-in-law still vacations at this lake. 1.3242 0.03837 256 193 43 20
742 No, he is not another dog and he doesn't want to play. 1.3242 0.03589 256 187 55 14
743 Not barking, Fred? I admire your restraint. 1.3242 0.03876 256 194 41 21
744 It would appear that one of us is about to drop down a notch on the food chain. 1.3242 0.03756 256 191 47 18
745 Oh boy, what did your little emergency bring us this time? 1.3242 0.03796 256 195 41 20
746 I see you finished your business. 1.3241 0.03660 253 186 52 15
747 Don’t scare him! 1.3241 0.03787 253 189 46 18
748 Go straight for his nuts! 1.3241 0.03949 253 193 38 22
749 Not as scary as mom driving too fast in an SUV, jacked up on Starbucks, and late for soccer practice. 1.3241 0.03617 253 185 54 14
750 Halloween comes early at The White House. 1.3238 0.04176 244 190 29 25
751 Apparently someone isn't aware of the leash laws at this park. 1.3230 0.03620 257 191 50 16
752 Well come on, Beowulf! 1.3230 0.03703 257 191 49 17
753 Be a good boy. Show Sasquatch how to sit. 1.3230 0.03863 257 195 41 21
754 You've got this Rex." 1.3228 0.03691 254 188 50 16
755 Be a good boy and apologize for marking its territory. 1.3227 0.03677 251 185 51 15
756 Not to worry, Rex. It's only a metaphor. 1.3227 0.03721 251 186 49 16
757 If its tail is wagging we’re okay 1.3227 0.03500 251 181 59 11
758 And that's why you ended up with me after the divorce. 1.3227 0.03763 251 187 47 17
759 Your turn to rescue me, buddy. 1.3226 0.03480 248 178 60 10
760 I think he stepped in it. 1.3226 0.03707 248 183 50 15
761 I pay for obedience school, and you don't know the word "sic"? 1.3224 0.03782 245 182 47 16
762 He better pick that up 1.3216 0.03786 227 171 41 15
763 Don't chase it; it's not a squirrel. 1.3214 0.03622 252 185 53 14
764 This is what happens when you don't drain the swamp. 1.3213 0.03824 249 187 44 18
765 I saw that tail wag you traitor! 1.3213 0.03561 249 181 56 12
766 This dog park sucks every full moon. 1.3213 0.03651 249 183 52 14
767 This will help you get ready for tomorrow, when our new baby kitten arrives. 1.3211 0.03941 246 187 39 20
768 Now would be a good time to release that inner wolf. 1.3211 0.03680 246 181 51 14
769 I don’t think that ‘woof,woof’ is having much effect here... 1.3207 0.03820 237 176 46 15
770 You always bark at the littlest things! What is it now? 1.3200 0.03682 250 185 50 15
771 Yes, yes, you were right. You can stop barking now, okay? 1.3200 0.03638 250 184 52 14
772 Remind me to stop taking you on walks during a full moon. 1.3198 0.03756 247 184 47 16
773 Get a good look, Bowser. This is the last of the Satanic She-Wolves that once roamed these hills by the thousands. 1.3198 0.03712 247 183 49 15
774 Don't worry, Buster. We all know that Trump turning into a werewolf is fake news. 1.3197 0.03605 244 178 54 12
775 If he wants to sniff, I say let him 1.3197 0.03558 244 177 56 11
776 Well...I don’t know about you, but MY bladder is empty. 1.3197 0.03510 244 176 58 10
777 No more puddles in the apartment, or he moves in with us! 1.3197 0.03962 244 186 38 20
778 You know, you really should have given me a heads up about this. 1.3197 0.03698 244 180 50 14
779 No we can't keep him! It's hard enough feeding that Sasquatch we found last week. 1.3197 0.03605 244 178 54 12
780 I just remembered, Monday is Presidents' Day 1.3197 0.04004 244 187 36 21
781 Looks like Fluffy is due for a rabies shot. 1.3197 0.03962 244 186 38 20
782 How come he gets to be off leash? 1.3197 0.03876 244 184 42 18
783 So much for the leash law. 1.3197 0.03788 244 182 46 16
784 If you went to the gym you could look like that. 1.3197 0.03698 244 180 50 14
785 No, we can't take it home to keep you company. 1.3188 0.04005 229 173 39 17
786 Don’t get any big ideas. 1.3187 0.03756 251 188 46 17
787 For the first and last time, Casey regretted not getting the Rottweiler instead of the beagle. 1.3185 0.03655 248 183 51 14
788 No, you can't keep it. 1.3185 0.03830 248 187 43 18
789 Take me for a walk, you whined. What don't you understand about a full moon? 1.3184 0.03730 245 182 48 15
790 This is your final watchdog test. 1.3182 0.03761 242 180 47 15
791 That's the last time I'm sharing my stash with you. 1.3182 0.03669 242 178 51 13
792 You bark at leaves but this you’re okay with? 1.3182 0.03761 242 180 47 15
793 will you stop with the wistful gaze! 1.3176 0.03762 233 172 48 13
794 Nope, don't have to pee anymore. 1.3169 0.03748 243 181 47 15
795 All he needs is an emotional support animal. 1.3169 0.03562 243 177 55 11
796 I really wish people would obey the leash laws. 1.3169 0.03748 243 181 47 15
797 Go ahead – I dare you to mark this territory. 1.3169 0.03748 243 181 47 15
798 You can take him! I got your back 1.3169 0.03748 243 181 47 15
799 And this is why I don't let you off leash. Capiche? 1.3169 0.03882 243 184 41 18
800 He used to be Loch Ness monster before climate change. 1.3169 0.03882 243 184 41 18
801 Where's all your 'yap, yap, yapping' now?! 1.3169 0.03656 243 179 51 13
802 Uh, this is the part where you heroically sacrifice yourself to save me. 1.3167 0.03825 240 180 44 16
803 How's this walk working out for you buddy? 1.3167 0.03779 240 179 46 15
804 I told you this walk would kill me. 1.3160 0.04022 231 176 37 18
805 Bite down hard on its ankle while I run and get help. 1.3160 0.03830 231 172 45 14
806 See what happens when you go off your meds? 1.3160 0.04114 231 178 33 20
807 Have you been swiping right again? 1.3156 0.03597 244 179 53 12
808 No matter how much you howl at the moon, you won't be like him 1.3156 0.03502 244 187 44 13
809 I might need to borrow your waste bag. 1.3156 0.03824 244 184 43 17
810 Say hello, Toby, to the nice monster! 1.3156 0.03597 244 179 53 12
811 You ask him why he gets to be off-leash 1.3156 0.03735 244 182 47 15
812 I don’t have to outrun the monster; just you, Puddles. 1.3156 0.03689 244 181 49 14
813 That's you on drugs. 1.3151 0.03844 238 179 43 16
814 Oh, sure, NOW you’re quiet.” 1.3151 0.03751 238 177 47 14
815 Whatever you do, don't try to sniff his butt! 1.3151 0.03703 238 176 49 13
816 Sick em, Doris! 1.3151 0.04025 238 183 35 20
817 And that's why you get your shots. 1.3151 0.03844 238 179 43 16
818 Fito, how are the mushrooms affecting you now? 1.3151 0.03703 238 176 49 13
819 Who's the good snack? Your the good snack.Good snack! 1.3151 0.03751 238 177 47 14
820 Well looks like we’ll both be covered in fur and running on all fours, next full moon. 1.3151 0.03751 238 177 47 14
821 ‘’Go back to where you came from, Stephen Miller. This is Canada, land of the free. The US is over there across the river.’ 1.3149 0.04016 235 180 36 19
822 I suppose it’s time I explained to you about puberty. 1.3149 0.03925 235 178 40 17
823 Poop in the house again and he's coming to visit. 1.3147 0.03864 232 176 40 16
824 Maybe this will make you go poop. 1.3147 0.03960 232 176 39 17
825 I see he didn’t make his master schlep out in the cold with a leash ... and would it kill you to bark? 1.3142 0.04081 226 173 35 18
826 Don't make the first move. 1.3136 0.04058 220 167 37 16
827 You should see what MY ancestors look like! 1.3136 0.03864 236 178 42 16
828 Told you we should't have kids 1.3136 0.03817 236 177 44 15
829 Ok barking hasn't worked, now what? 1.3136 0.03864 236 178 42 16
830 Beauty, meet Beast. 1.3133 0.03753 233 173 47 13
831 Oh, sure, NOW you're not barking! 1.3133 0.03703 233 172 49 12
832 He's your new trainer. 1.3130 0.03632 230 168 52 10
833 Yeah, "shortcut" 1.3122 0.03708 237 176 48 13
834 I don't think I brought enough doggie bags for the both of you. 1.3122 0.03708 237 181 41 15
835 What do you mean, no? 1.3120 0.03836 234 176 43 15
836 So this is the Ancestry DNA match you were telling me about? 1.3120 0.03640 234 172 51 11
837 Next time swipe left. 1.3117 0.03771 231 172 46 13
838 You would if you were truly my best friend. 1.3117 0.03566 231 168 54 9
839 I think he wants to play. 1.3117 0.03771 231 172 46 13
840 I told you it wasn’t a squirrel 1.3117 0.03821 231 173 44 14
841 Please don't sniff his butt. 1.3117 0.03870 231 174 42 15
842 I bet you he finishes all his canned food. 1.3117 0.03918 231 175 40 16
843 You were sure that you were the "alpha" with the Pomeranians and pugs back at the dog park, weren't you? 1.3114 0.03595 228 166 53 9
844 It thinks you’re cute...... 1.3108 0.03976 222 168 39 15
845 Ten bucks says he's a contractor. 1.3103 0.03807 232 174 44 14
846 Remember, your both good boys, or at least that's what the president thinks! 1.3103 0.03855 232 175 42 15
847 Every family's got one. 1.3103 0.03807 232 174 44 14
848 Am I the only one that saw the "keep pets on leash" sign? 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
849 Please Can we get a dog? You'll never have to walk it, they said." 1.3100 0.04128 229 178 31 20
850 I thought you barked 'Timmy's stuck in the well!' 1.3100 0.03739 229 170 47 12
851 He’s from a recently melted glacier in Greenland. 1.3100 0.03987 229 175 37 17
852 He is an emotional support animal. 1.3100 0.03840 229 172 43 14
853 Well we can count on you not to jump on his leg 1.3100 0.03889 229 173 41 15
854 Are you happy with your DNA test results NOW? 1.3100 0.03840 229 172 43 14
855 This is the last time I play ‘find something starting with W’ with you” 1.3100 0.03739 229 170 47 12
856 No, I'm sorry. You can't pet him. 1.3100 0.03635 229 178 37 14
857 I don't think he wants to share his stick. 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
858 "And you tell me that you met through a dating app? 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
859 He may promise you no leash, but the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. 1.3100 0.03687 229 169 49 11
860 If I let you off leash, you promise to play nice? 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
861 Jerry, eat a snickers... 1.3100 0.04035 229 176 35 18
862 See? This what happens when you refuse to take your shots! 1.3100 0.03889 229 173 41 15
863 Don’t worry, he’ll be heading back to high school soon. 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
864 Just sniff each other and see what happens. 1.3100 0.03635 229 168 51 10
865 I’ve seen worse—these days it’s in the White House. 1.3100 0.04082 229 177 33 19
866 What about walking a dog makes it OK for anyone to approach you? 1.3100 0.03840 229 172 43 14
867 Now you know what happens when you nibble those wild mushrooms! 1.3100 0.03889 229 173 41 15
868 Get ready to run......I'm gonna criticize his personal hygiene to see what happens. 1.3100 0.03840 229 172 43 14
869 You're sure there was nothing unusual about that bone you buried here last week? 1.3100 0.03739 229 170 47 12
870 He may look big and scary, but he's your father. 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
871 He says he's the Chosen one. 1.3100 0.03987 229 175 37 17
872 That's what happens to doggies who pee inside. 1.3100 0.03889 229 173 41 15
873 This is the moment I have spoiled you for. 1.3100 0.03889 229 173 41 15
874 I knew I should have picked the Rottweiler. 1.3100 0.03687 229 169 49 11
875 Is your dog friendly? 1.3100 0.03687 229 169 49 11
876 Don't worry, I heard he's had his rabies shot. 1.3100 0.03938 229 174 39 16
877 Now would be an appropriate time to bark 1.3100 0.03739 229 170 47 12
878 Didn’t I tell you those off-brand ancestry kits are unreliable? 1.3100 0.03840 229 172 43 14
879 Does he make you feel as inadequate as I feel? 1.3100 0.03790 229 171 45 13
880 There, you scared him. Are you happy now! 1.3097 0.03719 226 167 48 11
881 Ready to go home? 1.3087 0.03875 230 174 41 15
882 And this dream is courtesy of my running shoe you ate yesterday. 1.3087 0.03826 230 173 43 14
883 You know I can outrun you. 1.3087 0.03776 230 172 45 13
884 Honestly, his profile looked different on the dog walking app. 1.3087 0.03875 230 174 41 15
885 Yeah, he does look lost, but I'm still not calling his master. 1.3087 0.03826 230 173 43 14
886 Don't bark--you may aggravate a Trump follower. 1.3087 0.04019 230 177 35 18
887 You're sure Timmy fell down the well? 1.3084 0.04008 227 174 36 17
888 If you would stop chasing the squirrels, you, too, could be off your leash. 1.3084 0.03859 227 171 42 14
889 No, it's not real. Just go pee on it as usual. 1.3084 0.03910 227 172 40 15
890 Don't worry. It only eats humans. 1.3084 0.03757 227 169 46 12
891 Someone you know? 1.3084 0.03757 227 169 46 12
892 Don't worry. He's got a collar. 1.3084 0.03859 227 171 42 14
893 Still want to pee in the house? 1.3084 0.03910 227 172 40 15
894 Stand down,Thor, and let him pass. 1.3084 0.03910 227 172 40 15
895 This is what you woke me up for? 1.3080 0.03737 224 166 47 11
896 Don't worry.Mom's only like this when the moon is full. 1.3080 0.03996 224 171 37 16
897 That's right - just stand tall and make yourself look bigger than you really are 1.3080 0.03894 224 169 41 14
898 You bite the mailman but with him you want to play? 1.3080 0.03945 224 170 39 15
899 It's time you met my mother-in-law. 1.3080 0.04143 224 174 31 19
900 See, the full moon affects everyone a little differently. 1.3080 0.03945 224 170 39 15
901 This is what happens to bad dogs who chew slippers and pee on the carpet. 1.3080 0.04191 224 175 29 20
902 To be the devil's advocate, you do look quite tasty. 1.3077 0.04041 208 157 38 13
903 Just for appearances sake, could you growl a a little? 1.3074 0.03811 231 174 43 14
904 Sic 'em!” 1.3070 0.03691 228 169 48 11
905 Play dead. 1.3070 0.03944 228 174 38 16
906 Do your snarl, Tobey. 1.3070 0.03794 228 171 44 13
907 Alright, I'm sorry I accused you of making all that noise. Are you happy now? 1.3067 0.03828 225 169 43 13
908 Don't get too close. He might have fleas. 1.3063 0.04017 222 170 36 16
909 You told me your cousin was a goldendoodle mix. 1.3063 0.03914 222 168 40 14
910 How many times do I have to tell the neighbors not to use that high-protein dog food they buy at the fitness center. 1.3063 0.03914 222 168 40 14
911 I've told you this already - size doesn't matter. 1.3063 0.03966 222 169 38 15
912 This off-leash dog park is really getting out of hand. 1.3063 0.03755 222 165 46 11
913 Yes, seriously, this is why I got you! 1.3059 0.03676 219 161 49 9
914 I can't prove it, but I'm thinking it was you who took Daddy's special mushrooms. 1.3056 0.03878 216 162 42 12
915 Well, her profile did say she was a dog person. 1.3053 0.03813 226 170 43 13
916 I'm not sure "his bark is bigger than his bite" applies here. 1.3049 0.03740 223 166 46 11
917 You couldn’t have gone at home, huh? 1.3045 0.03987 220 170 34 16
918 This is what all that crazy barking of yours was about? 1.3045 0.03773 220 168 39 13
919 Don't even think about it. 1.3045 0.03882 220 166 41 13
920 Go big or go home. 1.3045 0.03604 220 161 51 8
921 Remember how I said one day you'll thank me for having you spayed? 1.3045 0.03987 220 168 37 15
922 No. I'll pick it up when the moon isn't full. 1.3045 0.03828 220 165 43 12
923 You're up, Sparky! 1.3045 0.03773 220 164 45 11
924 Look and learn. This is how I want you to be when my ex-wife comes to the door. 1.3045 0.03935 220 167 39 14
925 Oh, so maybe you're not the top-dog 1.3041 0.04129 217 168 32 17
926 You sure this is the guy who bit you, Jen? 1.3041 0.03807 217 162 44 11
927 Don’t worry, he’s all gruesome, bloodcurdling howling and no bite 1.3041 0.03635 217 159 50 8
928 Don’t worry. It’s just another Trump supporter. 1.3041 0.03971 217 165 38 14
929 Pretty sure your flea collar isn't gonna do much for you here. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
930 So, where's your inner wolf when we need it ? 1.3041 0.03693 217 160 48 9
931 What do you suggest now, Mr Peabody? 1.3041 0.04025 217 166 36 15
932 Oh great... Your mother is here... 1.3041 0.03807 217 162 44 11
933 Lucky for you I'm a vegan monster. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
934 Let's find a new favorite rock to pee on. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
935 Because the law requires you to have a leash, that's why. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
936 Return Of Drain The Swamp Thing 1.3041 0.04181 217 169 30 18
937 If we get out of this alive, I'm going to need that extra poop bag. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
938 Don't be afraid. He will only be a one term president. 1.3041 0.04231 217 170 28 19
939 I just hope they name the species after me 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
940 Don't get any ideas, Fluffy 1.3041 0.03576 217 158 52 7
941 OK here's you big chance, sick 'em! 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
942 At least pretend to defend me! 1.3041 0.03750 217 161 46 10
943 Just remember how you clobbered that Bichon Frise. 1.3036 0.04115 168 123 39 6
944 Feel free to bare your teeth and launch yourself into the air to protect me. 1.3033 0.04103 211 162 34 15
945 Is it okay if it pets you? 1.3032 0.03813 221 166 43 12
946 The dog park during a full moon wasn't a good idea. 1.3032 0.03704 221 164 47 10
947 We're naming him 'Rover' and the two of you will just have to work out arrangements about the doggie bed. 1.3032 0.03919 221 168 39 14
948 He's your relative, you talk to him. 1.3028 0.03902 218 165 40 13
949 Remember: Never show fear. That's my job 1.3028 0.03847 218 164 42 12
950 Don't worry, it's just Brexit. It doesn't actually exist 1.3028 0.04009 218 167 36 15
951 Well, you wanted to meet your biological dad... 1.3028 0.03792 218 163 44 11
952 I dare you to sniff its butt. 1.3018 0.03956 222 170 37 15
953 See what happens when you ditch doggy day-care? 1.3010 0.04224 206 160 30 16
954 Is this why you never want to go out for a walk? 1.3010 0.03993 206 156 38 12
955 Beautiful night for a moon dance. 1.3009 0.04030 216 166 35 15
956 He's vegan 1.3009 0.03811 216 162 43 11
957 That's what we have trained for. Attack Snoopy. 1.3009 0.03754 216 161 45 10
958 You said you were bored and wanted more excitement in your life. 1.3005 0.03959 213 162 38 13
959 I have a scary thought. 1.3005 0.03845 213 160 42 11
960 I told you, I hate visiting your family on full moon days... 1.3005 0.04014 213 163 36 14
961 Every dog has it’s day but I think you should probably leave the nights to this fella. 1.2991 0.03830 214 161 42 11
962 Specifically, what part of you is Pit Bull? 1.2991 0.03830 214 161 42 11
963 Sic 'em, Bruno.... 1.2991 0.03943 214 163 38 13
964 Oscar, I guess you just pissed on the wrong tree 1.2991 0.03887 214 162 40 12
965 No barking, Milo. We don’t want to scare it. 1.2986 0.03923 211 160 39 12
966 What a CUTE dog you have! He doesn’t bite, does he? 1.2986 0.03923 211 160 39 12
967 Sendak unplugged. 1.2986 0.03980 211 161 37 13
968 It’s either the full moon or the new dog food? 1.2986 0.03865 211 159 41 11
969 Beagle, Beezlebub. Beezlebub, Beagle. 1.2986 0.03980 211 161 37 13
970 Now you know why I don't let Barry take you for a walk during the full moon. 1.2986 0.04036 211 162 35 14
971 Just take the damn picture. 1.2986 0.04036 211 162 35 14
972 I told you what can happen to you if you drink out of the toilet! 1.2986 0.03865 211 159 41 11
973 This is the ex I was telling you about. 1.2986 0.03980 211 161 37 13
974 This dog park isn't so crowded in the evening. 1.2986 0.03923 211 160 39 12
975 We are NOT taking him home. 1.2986 0.03980 211 161 37 13
976 You see, Fido, THAT’S the way to howl at the moon. 1.2986 0.03923 211 160 39 12
977 This is why I wanted a cat. 1.2986 0.03806 211 158 43 10
978 Yes, he's principal of that new obedience school. 1.2986 0.03980 211 163 34 14
979 Who knew the Chosen One would look like this. 1.2986 0.03624 211 155 49 7
980 This is when we both make a poopy. 1.2986 0.04036 211 162 35 14
981 Is that you Donald? 1.2986 0.04147 211 164 31 16
982 We're going to need a bigger leash. 1.2986 0.03686 211 156 47 8
983 Mom needs a Snickers bar. 1.2981 0.03780 208 155 44 9
984 This is nothing compared to what I see in the news. 1.2981 0.03780 208 155 44 9
985 You can play with him, but no biting. 1.2981 0.03623 208 155 45 8
986 Make it your assertive best. 1.2981 0.04018 208 159 36 13
987 Why can't you stick to tracking squirrels? 1.2977 0.03699 215 160 46 9
988 We're early. He just needs a moment to change. 1.2977 0.03871 215 163 40 12
989 What is it, boy? 1.2972 0.03964 212 162 37 13
990 I told you not to pee on the grass. 1.2972 0.03907 212 161 39 12
991 See if he’ll pet you while I go get the car. 1.2972 0.04020 212 163 35 14
992 This should scare the crap out of you. 1.2972 0.03849 212 160 41 11
993 I told you they're serious about keeping off the grass around here. 1.2972 0.03547 212 155 51 6
994 Just pretend it's a squirrel. 1.2967 0.04059 209 161 34 14
995 OMG, Your dog sooo cute. May I pat him? 1.2967 0.04059 209 161 34 14
996 You know, Roosevelt, the Democrats might have found a viable candidate after all! 1.2967 0.04279 209 165 26 18
997 Roll over and play dead - I’ll follow your lead. 1.2967 0.03885 209 158 40 11
998 Relax, at sunrise he goes back to being a mild-mannered accountant. 1.2967 0.03944 209 159 38 12
999 Your cousin’s a real dick. 1.2967 0.03855 209 160 37 12
1000 Not so tough outside the house, are you? 1.2967 0.03640 209 154 48 7
1001 Try your signature ‘yap, yap, yap.’ 1.2967 0.03944 209 159 38 12
1002 Now you see where running off without your leash leads to? 1.2967 0.03944 209 159 38 12
1003 And they make me put YOU on a leash? 1.2967 0.03765 209 156 44 9
1004 So as that best friend thing goes, you got this, right? 1.2967 0.04059 209 161 34 14
1005 Don’t look so innocent. I know you summoned him. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1006 He's bluffing! 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
1007 You've got this -- right! 1.2961 0.03672 206 152 47 7
1008 No Sweetie, it doesn't want a treat! 1.2958 0.03834 213 161 41 11
1009 This might be a good time for you to do your business. 1.2952 0.03498 210 156 44 8
1010 I swear, mini weredoodles are going to be the next big thing. 1.2952 0.04042 210 162 34 14
1011 That's not a good boy. 1.2952 0.03869 210 159 40 11
1012 You bark at me. You bark at the moon. How about bark at this? 1.2952 0.03869 210 159 40 11
1013 Update: Sunday in the Park with George. 1.2947 0.03965 207 158 37 12
1014 At least he doesn't shed 1.2947 0.03965 207 158 37 12
1015 It's just your imagination. Don't bark and let's do a 180. 1.2947 0.03844 207 156 41 10
1016 Next time let's stick to the dog park 1.2947 0.03783 207 155 43 9
1017 I wouldn't try to smell him. 1.2947 0.04138 207 161 31 15
1018 But the doorbell upsets you. 1.2947 0.04023 207 159 35 13
1019 Be a good Boy, and let me give him one of your treats? 1.2947 0.03844 207 156 41 10
1020 See? This is why you don’t dig for bones under a grave. 1.2947 0.03844 207 156 41 10
1021 At least I don't have to pick up his poop. 1.2947 0.03905 207 157 39 11
1022 Because leash laws don't apply to monsters. 1.2947 0.03905 207 157 39 11
1023 This is what happens if you don't wear your tick collar. 1.2947 0.03935 207 160 34 13
1024 Not as scary as President Trump, is it? 1.2947 0.04195 207 162 29 16
1025 He'll be training you starting Monday. 1.2947 0.04081 207 160 33 14
1026 I hope he brought a bag! 1.2947 0.04023 207 159 35 13
1027 I know he’s not the mailman, but you could make an effort. 1.2941 0.03942 204 155 38 11
1028 See here, if I didn't wash and groom you, this is what you'd become. 1.2941 0.04003 204 156 36 12
1029 Thanks, Marty! You'll growl at your own shadow, bark at the dryer bell, but for this-- nothing! 1.2941 0.04063 204 157 34 13
1030 Just let it snilffyour butt. 1.2941 0.03942 204 155 38 11
1031 I don't know these days if it's something mythical or if I'm just viewing other media outlets. 1.2941 0.04237 204 160 28 16
1032 A bark would be nice. 1.2941 0.03556 204 149 50 5
1033 Last time I let you choose the route. 1.2941 0.03942 204 155 38 11
1034 Are you happy now?! I warned you not to dig too deeply into your ancestry! 1.2941 0.03942 204 155 38 11
1035 Good thing you marked your territory. 1.2941 0.04003 204 156 36 12
1036 So maybe we don't sniff this one's butt. 1.2941 0.03942 204 155 38 11
1037 In planning your next move, recall that you are man's best friend. 1.2941 0.03623 204 150 48 6
1038 Neither of us should be opting for mild puzzlement right now. 1.2941 0.04307 170 129 32 9
1039 It’s the size of the fight in the dog Rufus. 1.2938 0.03794 211 159 42 10
1040 If that doesn’t scare the poop out of you, nothing will. 1.2933 0.04006 208 166 29 13
1041 Damn, I forgot the doggie treats. 1.2933 0.04006 208 160 35 13
1042 It won’t hurt you to take the dog for a walk she said. 1.2927 0.03802 205 154 42 9
1043 At least you could spin around and insanely bark like you do for the mailman. 1.2927 0.03925 205 156 38 11
1044 Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into. 1.2927 0.04162 205 160 30 15
1045 Really?! What's it gonna take to get you to do your business? 1.2927 0.03864 205 155 40 10
1046 What did I tell you about online dating? 1.2927 0.03925 205 156 38 11
1047 Ask him about the frisbee, nicely! 1.2927 0.03738 205 153 44 8
1048 See, this is what you become if you drop out of obedience school. 1.2923 0.04124 195 150 33 12
1049 Bare your teeth, growl, and puff yourself up! 1.2923 0.04059 195 149 35 11
1050 Imagine him wearing a postal uniform. 1.2921 0.03900 202 153 39 10
1051 I agree, the vacuum cleaner is way scarier than this. 1.2921 0.03963 202 154 37 11
1052 I guess sic'em is out of the question? 1.2921 0.04025 202 155 35 12
1053 Let's play nicely this time, Toby. 1.2921 0.04025 202 155 35 12
1054 He is not a good boy. 1.2921 0.03963 202 154 37 11
1055 Well, what did you THINK would happen if you bit him? 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 41 9
1056 No, I don’t think you should sniff him there either. 1.2921 0.04085 202 155 33 13
1057 Looks like we're both going to shit on this walk. 1.2921 0.04376 202 161 23 18
1058 That’s why you are getting the distemper vaccine, Tibbles. Now I don’t want to hear another word about it!” 1.2921 0.03900 202 153 39 10
1059 'Dog walking will extend your lifespan,' she said... 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 41 9
1060 Visualize him taking your Snausages. 1.2921 0.04025 202 155 35 12
1061 Don’t worry. It’s not Donald Trump. 1.2921 0.03963 202 154 37 11
1062 Frank, meet your brother from another mother. 1.2921 0.04025 202 155 35 12
1063 I warned you. Rufus,” I said, “I’ll take you to meet your bio mom but she’s a real bitch 1.2921 0.04145 202 157 31 14
1064 You chewed her shoes. What do you expect? 1.2921 0.03900 202 153 39 10
1065 I would recommend you avoid your usual "get aquainted" sniff. 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 41 9
1066 I'm Rod. My dog and I are taking an evening stroll in the twilight -- zone. 1.2921 0.03963 202 154 37 11
1067 Let me guess, you want to sniff his butt? 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 40 9
1068 Just pretend it's the neighbor's cat 1.2921 0.04085 202 156 33 13
1069 You want to take this one or should I? 1.2921 0.03963 202 154 37 11
1070 Ignore him. He's more afraid of us than we are of him. 1.2921 0.03837 202 152 41 9
1071 Bark louder. 1.2921 0.03772 202 151 43 8
1072 Well, do something! 1.2921 0.04025 202 155 35 12
1073 It's a werewolf. Be careful if you smell its butt. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1074 Nothing shocks me anymore! 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1075 Don't worry--it's just the President. 1.2915 0.04307 199 157 26 16
1076 This is why we only won 2nd place in the county fair. 1.2915 0.03601 199 146 48 5
1077 Just don’t look him in the eyes. 1.2915 0.03873 199 150 40 9
1078 Out of curiosity, you transfixed or frozen? 1.2906 0.03884 203 154 39 10
1079 Where's your all-night, yippy bark now? 1.2900 0.03790 200 150 42 8
1080 Back to the small dog side? 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
1081 Go on, you've had to mark all the other rocks. 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1082 My ex....I can't go anywhere without running into her. 1.2900 0.04169 200 156 30 14
1083 We can't afford to feed your friend, and that's final. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1084 Not so yappy now are ya? 1.2900 0.04169 200 156 30 14
1085 See, this is why I don't feed you after midnight. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1086 This is what you want to be for Halloween? 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1087 Are you going to just let him say that without a response? 1.2900 0.03655 200 148 46 6
1088 I blame universal health care. 1.2900 0.04169 200 156 30 14
1089 Don’t worry, he’s all bite and no bark. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1090 What? Cat got your tongue? 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1091 Now do you believe me that not EVERY smell needs to be explored? 1.2900 0.03790 200 150 42 8
1092 It's supposed to be waxing gibbous. 1.2900 0.03723 200 157 32 11
1093 I knew I should have brought garlic! 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1094 That's why we keep you on a hormone-free organic diet. 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1095 Ok. You better talk or we’re both in trouble. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1096 You can give it a try but I’m not sure that’s how they say hello. 1.2900 0.03723 200 149 44 7
1097 You always preferred my ex-wife. 1.2900 0.04108 200 155 32 13
1098 It looks like your usual spot is not an option anymore. 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1099 Don't even THINK about sniffing its butt. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1100 Your free to attack whenever you want 1.2900 0.03690 200 151 41 8
1101 Look Fido, the rare Werewolf-Doodle 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
1102 You growl at butterflies, but you're okay with this guy? 1.2900 0.04169 200 156 30 14
1103 Relax. It's just another recession scare. 1.2900 0.04139 200 158 27 15
1104 I told you not to mess with ancestry.com. 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1105 Remember what we discussed about behaving like a chihuahua? 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1106 If I were you, I wouldn't mark my territory here. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1107 You can try, but I think it’s his patch of grass now. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1108 I'd say he's looking at you. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1109 I'm tired of the sidewalk," you said. "Take me off-trail," you said 1.2900 0.03655 200 148 46 6
1110 I already told you, buddy. We can't take it home. 1.2900 0.03655 200 159 30 11
1111 Make it quick 1.2900 0.03790 200 150 42 8
1112 I see neither Timmy, nor a well. 1.2900 0.04169 200 156 30 14
1113 Don't even think about the butt sniff. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1114 This is the dog park, where you want is the wolf park across the street. 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
1115 Now do you see why I'm reluctant to take you for a walk! 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
1116 Yes, my dog is seriously contemplating peeing on this thing. 1.2900 0.03984 200 160 27 13
1117 It's too late to cancel the play date now. 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
1118 Let him sniff your bum and we’ll be alright. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1119 You just had to howl, didn't you? 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1120 This is what happens when you chew on my socks. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
1121 Just another non indigenous species that has outgrown its cuteness. 1.2900 0.03790 200 150 42 8
1122 … and if you don’t want her coming after you on the next full moon I’d suggest you stop eating her shoes. 1.2900 0.03655 200 148 46 6
1123 You were the one who insisted on DNA testing to find your ancestors. 1.2900 0.03723 200 149 44 7
1124 See? That would be the definition of that 'bad dog' I mentioned earlier. 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
1125 I named you David for a reason. 1.2900 0.03984 200 153 36 11
1126 And this was advertised as a pet friendly neighborhood. 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1127 Okay, Fluffy--time to put those emotional support skills to work. 1.2886 0.04151 201 157 30 14
1128 He just wants to play. 1.2879 0.04006 198 152 35 11
1129 Still want to whine about the invisible fence? 1.2879 0.04006 198 152 35 11
1130 Still nothing? 1.2879 0.03941 198 151 37 10
1131 But is he electable? 1.2879 0.03941 198 151 37 10
1132 Ok, you’ve see it, now let’s go. 1.2879 0.03741 198 148 43 7
1133 Play nice, now. 1.2879 0.03601 198 146 47 5
1134 So, there’s your ancestor. 1.2879 0.04132 198 154 31 13
1135 I’m not gonna tell him he’s drawn poorly, you tell him. 1.2879 0.03809 198 149 41 8
1136 Werewolf, there wolf. Satisfied? 1.2879 0.04069 198 153 33 12
1137 Man’s best fiend. 1.2872 0.03913 195 148 38 9
1138 Like I said, there's nothing to bark at. 1.2872 0.04237 195 153 28 14
1139 Some best friend you are. 1.2872 0.03775 195 146 42 7
1140 It eats dog poop--or you. Your choice. 1.2872 0.03946 195 156 25 14
1141 Don't worry Rocket, there's two of us and only one of him! 1.2872 0.03946 195 151 33 11
1142 I can't wait for this election cycle to be over. 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1143 Great,he's off leash. 1.2872 0.03845 195 147 40 8
1144 Not too close, Rover. It might have ticks. 1.2872 0.04046 195 150 34 11
1145 Oh, I see- too good for Vicki's labradoodle, but NOW you're interested? 1.2864 0.03859 199 151 39 9
1146 Don't just stand there. Sic 1.2864 0.04051 199 154 33 12
1147 now where's the narrator 1.2864 0.03988 199 153 35 11
1148 No, Fluffy, I don't think he wants to play. 1.2857 0.03962 196 150 36 10
1149 If you poop in the house again he’s your new daddy.” 1.2857 0.03990 189 144 36 9
1150 I know you don't want to hear this, but I think your friend's been juicing. 1.2857 0.04092 196 152 32 12
1151 Ok, who’s the jerk ignoring the ‘on leash’ sign? 1.2857 0.03759 196 147 42 7
1152 So maybe single use plastics aren't the biggest eco problem today. 1.2857 0.04092 196 152 32 12
1153 Just let him smell you so we can get this over with 1.2857 0.03896 196 149 38 9
1154 But does he get belly rubs every morning? 1.2857 0.03689 196 146 44 6
1155 That's what happens when you bark for no reason in the middle of the night 1.2857 0.03896 196 149 38 9
1156 Sometimes things are what they seem to be. 1.2857 0.03846 189 142 40 7
1157 Good luck finding a flea collar for him. 1.2857 0.03759 196 149 39 8
1158 People change. 1.2850 0.03907 200 153 37 10
1159 See buddy, it's just a huge, terrifying monster. 1.2850 0.03648 193 143 45 5
1160 And I thought the climb up here was a beast. 1.2850 0.04001 193 148 35 10
1161 You start sniffing her enthusiastically while I run like hell. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1162 Be Nice! 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1163 Believe me, You won‘t get any treats from him either! 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1164 No, you already had a play date today. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1165 Make sure your finger's not over the lens. 1.2850 0.03864 193 146 39 8
1166 This is your mentor? 1.2850 0.03794 193 145 41 7
1167 If you were more like that dog people wouldn't steal my packages. 1.2850 0.04001 193 148 35 10
1168 I knew we should have gotten a cat. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1169 No, you can’t pee on him. He is the “chosen one.” 1.2850 0.04199 193 153 26 14
1170 His bark is worse than your bite. 1.2850 0.03864 193 146 39 8
1171 Do you realize now that digging up other people's bones isn't acceptable? 1.2850 0.04001 193 148 35 10
1172 That’s your famous uncle Otto. He’s the first Pomeranian to become fully self-actualized. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1173 She may want to sniff your butt. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1174 The President looks so much better on TV. 1.2850 0.04199 193 151 29 13
1175 Ok, I'll ask them. She wants to know who's your groomer. 1.2850 0.04134 193 150 31 12
1176 Let's stick to chasing squirrels. 1.2850 0.03933 193 147 37 9
1177 Now is the time to bring out the wild beast that you really are. 1.2849 0.03958 186 141 37 8
1178 Don't be scared. He identifies as a cat. 1.2843 0.04199 197 155 28 14
1179 And you wanted to go on a midnight walk. 1.2843 0.03945 197 151 36 10
1180 You’re supposed to help me meet women. A guy with a monthly cycle doesn’t count. 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1181 Have you ever thought that maybe you're a little too snoopy? 1.2842 0.03756 190 142 42 6
1182 I'm guessing that the neighbor's cat is looking pretty good about now... 1.2842 0.03901 190 144 38 8
1183 The Hound of the Baskervilles meets the Beagle of the Howards 1.2842 0.04041 190 146 34 10
1184 I bet HE picks up his own poop... 1.2842 0.04177 190 148 30 12
1185 This is what happens after you bite an infected cat. 1.2842 0.04177 190 148 30 12
1186 You got this. He looks just like our mailman. 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1187 Where's all that nonstop barking now? 1.2842 0.03901 190 144 38 8
1188 Stay, Baxter. I've learned from hard experience that it is best to keep out of Mommy's way when she has "the curse." 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1189 In the future, no walkies at moonrise . 1.2842 0.03829 190 143 40 7
1190 Walk the dog, she said. It will be good for your health, she said 1.2842 0.03681 190 141 44 5
1191 I told you it was too late for a walk. 1.2842 0.03901 190 144 38 8
1192 But you can hear the mailman coming from a mile away. 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1193 Looks like mom has the curse again. 1.2842 0.04308 190 150 26 14
1194 This is what can happen if you don't let me clip your nails. 1.2842 0.03829 190 143 40 7
1195 Be a good boy and stay. I’ll go get help. 1.2842 0.04110 190 147 32 11
1196 Now would be a good time to find your inner Were-Dog! 1.2842 0.03829 190 143 40 7
1197 What do you mean 'we', white canine? 1.2842 0.04177 190 148 30 12
1198 Now do you see why you shouldn't howl? 1.2835 0.03983 194 149 35 10
1199 Am I the only one who respects the leash laws around here? 1.2835 0.04050 194 150 33 11
1200 You're still my big bad woof 1.2835 0.03847 194 147 39 8
1201 You can play with Wanda tomorrow when she's no longer in her full moon heat. 1.2835 0.04115 194 151 31 12
1202 Now you see why I got custody. 1.2835 0.04305 194 154 25 15
1203 Pooch, I am your father. 1.2835 0.04050 194 150 33 11
1204 This is why I didn't want to visit your family." Submitted by Zachary Rau 1.2835 0.04050 194 150 33 11
1205 Great... Now I'll have to clean up two piles. 1.2834 0.04012 187 143 35 9
1206 Do you still think you want to answer the call of the wild? 1.2834 0.03791 187 140 41 6
1207 I don’t think your “arf” is going to cut it. 1.2827 0.03954 191 146 36 9
1208 Does he smell odd to you? 1.2827 0.04091 191 147 32 11
1209 They say his bark is worse than his bite. 1.2827 0.04091 191 148 32 11
1210 Is this the cousin you told me about?' 1.2827 0.03739 191 143 42 6
1211 Save it until he goes back to being our mailman. 1.2826 0.03979 184 140 36 8
1212 nothing like a morning walk to fight off your inner demons. 1.2826 0.04125 184 142 32 10
1213 I don’t see you racing over to sniff that! 1.2821 0.03898 195 149 37 9
1214 It's not the Big Bad Wolf, Sparky, just someone's creation myth. 1.2819 0.04064 188 145 33 10
1215 This is the part where you heroically sacrifice yourself to save me, right? Right...? 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1216 You seeing this? 1.2819 0.04133 188 146 31 11
1217 I think we're gonna need another poop bag 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1218 So this is your new friend Tommy? Well I don't think he is suitable_for your "Show and Tell" at Puppy Camp. 1.2819 0.03921 188 143 37 8
1219 It’s not a cat. Quit being such a baby! 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1220 This is where you take the lead. 1.2819 0.03921 188 143 37 8
1221 Don't be so standoffish - go sniff his butt. 1.2819 0.04201 188 147 29 12
1222 ... but did you stop howling at the moon? No! 1.2819 0.04133 188 146 31 11
1223 So much for being constipated. 1.2819 0.04269 188 148 27 13
1224 Are you just going to stand there? 1.2819 0.04064 188 145 33 10
1225 Sniff his butt, and he might calm down. 1.2819 0.03921 188 149 28 11
1226 If you’re going to transform, now would be the time. 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1227 And this is why you should never post single ads on “Where Wolf.com”. 1.2819 0.04201 188 148 26 13
1228 Relax! He'll just sniff you and be gone. 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1229 Don’t they know we have leash laws in this park. 1.2819 0.04201 188 147 29 12
1230 If you tell him I'm a dog person, we're both toast. 1.2819 0.03921 188 143 37 8
1231 Not to worry, Fluffy. It's just another blow-hard relative of Mr. Trumps. 1.2819 0.04064 188 145 33 10
1232 Still don't need to go? 1.2819 0.04400 188 150 23 15
1233 This is what mama turns into when you pee on the rug! 1.2819 0.03848 188 142 39 7
1234 Now who is the big bad woof? 1.2819 0.04064 188 145 33 10
1235 Quit your whining. Your mom's a poodle. 1.2819 0.04269 188 148 27 13
1236 I told you no good would come of howling at the full moon. 1.2819 0.03921 188 143 37 8
1237 Don't you remember him? He was your class valedictorian at obedience school. 1.2819 0.03848 188 142 39 7
1238 Remember, YOU were the one who wanted to go for a walk! 1.2819 0.03993 188 144 35 9
1239 Yes, your antidepressant may cause hallucinations. Why? 1.2819 0.03773 188 141 41 6
1240 See what happens when you don't take your heartworm pill? 1.2819 0.04133 188 146 31 11
1241 Now is a good time to bark. 1.2819 0.03697 188 140 43 5
1242 I told you if you didn’t stop peeing on the couch that there would be trouble. 1.2819 0.04527 188 152 19 17
1243 You were the one who wanted to go for a walk 1.2819 0.03540 188 138 47 3
1244 So are you going to bark at it or what 1.2819 0.04064 188 145 33 10
1245 Your the one that had to go out and I’m the one that just took a crap! 1.2819 0.04269 188 148 27 13
1246 THIS is why dogs should never eat cat food or beg to go potty in the middle of the night. 1.2819 0.04133 188 146 31 11
1247 Todd, I only need to be faster than you. 1.2811 0.04449 185 148 22 15
1248 I got nothin, champ. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
1249 Jack London is a hack. 1.2811 0.03885 185 140 38 7
1250 NOW you stop barking! 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1251 If all existence is just illusion, it's safe to continue our walkies. 1.2811 0.04247 185 145 28 12
1252 He doesn’t want you to pee on that one. 1.2811 0.04177 185 144 30 11
1253 I left the stove on. Boy, I think we should turn around. 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1254 Don't try to tell me she looked better in her profile picture 1.2811 0.04106 185 143 32 10
1255 Is this a relative of yours? 1.2806 0.03813 196 149 39 8
1256 Even he doesn't howl at the moon. 1.2804 0.03975 189 145 35 9
1257 Apparently you don't understand how to take advantage of a full moon. 1.2804 0.03903 189 144 37 8
1258 I’m going to run. Hold the wolf off for forty-five seconds, without revealing any semblance of fear. Then follow me. Good puppy. 1.2804 0.04114 189 147 31 11
1259 Let's see what they taught you in guard dog camp 1.2804 0.03903 189 144 37 8
1260 Try to find his weak spot buddy. 1.2804 0.03975 189 145 35 9
1261 You pee when you see any fire hydrant & bush we pass but THIS gets no reaction??? 1.2804 0.04249 189 149 27 13
1262 Come on, you're an alpha dog! 1.2804 0.03603 189 140 45 4
1263 If we don’t move, he won’t see us... 1.2804 0.03903 189 144 37 8
1264 Don’t 1.2804 0.04114 189 147 31 11
1265 I don't think that was a friendly growl. 1.2804 0.03975 189 145 35 9
1266 I told you not to dig in the backyard! 1.2804 0.04114 189 147 31 11
1267 Mommy says you're 'all bark and no bite'. Well, here's your chance! 1.2796 0.04086 186 144 32 10
1268 I still like him better than the one we don't know. 1.2796 0.04086 186 144 32 10
1269 Finally found where the wild things are! 1.2796 0.04086 186 144 32 10
1270 I don't care if you sniffed a fat truffle there, he can have it. 1.2796 0.03791 186 140 40 6
1271 Not so tough now, are you Mr. Barky. 1.2796 0.04015 186 143 34 9
1272 Well you said you were lonely out here. 1.2793 0.04118 179 138 32 9
1273 So you just had to go walkies, huh. 1.2787 0.04129 183 142 31 10
1274 The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... and werewolves. 1.2784 0.04083 176 135 33 8
1275 You go for the jugular; I'm getting the hell out of here! 1.2781 0.03923 187 143 36 8
1276 Luke, I am your father. 1.2778 0.04173 180 142 27 11
1277 You know I am very open, but I don't think this is a good match. 1.2772 0.04037 184 142 33 9
1278 I'm wondering the same thing. Who's taking our picture? 1.2772 0.03650 184 137 43 4
1279 Come on, he only wants to sniff. 1.2772 0.04037 184 142 33 9
1280 And this is why we don’t go to the off leash parks. 1.2772 0.04037 184 142 33 9
1281 Now, maybe, you'll stop digging. 1.2772 0.04109 184 143 31 10
1282 Go ahead, sniff his but." 1.2762 0.04002 181 139 34 8
1283 This is our leader. He's a little rough around the edges, but you'll accept him just like the rest of us. After all, we're Republicans! 1.2762 0.04298 181 143 26 12
1284 Well, get a good workout routine and eat right and yeah, that could be you someday. 1.2762 0.04078 181 140 32 9
1285 Oh, NOW you're ready to poop. 1.2757 0.03944 185 142 35 8
1286 We just need to show love to his hate 1.2757 0.04090 185 144 31 10
1287 All that barking at home and now you don't have to go? 1.2757 0.04161 185 145 29 11
1288 ''NO that is NOT the mailman!'' 1.2757 0.03944 185 142 35 8
1289 This is why you get GMO-free kibble. 1.2757 0.04090 185 144 31 10
1290 He says it’s always been his tree, too, buddy. Let’s just move on.” 1.2757 0.04017 185 143 33 9
1291 Hey, I thought they drained the swamp. 1.2757 0.04090 185 144 31 10
1292 I hope your bite is better than your bark. 1.2754 0.04218 167 129 30 8
1293 Do you suppose you might muster a little growl perhaps? 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1294 Not so tough now that we're out of the car. 1.2753 0.03883 178 135 37 6
1295 Who let him in here? It’s clearly marked for dogs under 25lbs. 1.2753 0.04043 178 137 33 8
1296 This is when you offer emotional support, Buddy. 1.2753 0.04121 178 138 31 9
1297 That's it little guy -- give him your 'no bark--big bite look. 1.2747 0.03906 182 139 36 7
1298 Trump appointed me Environment Secretary, why? 1.2747 0.04348 182 145 24 13
1299 They'll erect a statue for anything these days. 1.2747 0.03828 182 138 38 6
1300 So are to cool if I grab a coffee while you have your play date? 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1301 OK Snowflake, now you try it. Remember, ears up, growl, show teeth, and a little wider stance. 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1302 You're the one who wanted to go on Ancestor.com! 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
1303 I told you not to rub your leg on that lamp. 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1304 He won't attack. He's been nominated for a Cabinet post. 1.2747 0.04277 182 144 26 12
1305 I would expect at least a little growling from you at this point. 1.2747 0.03828 182 138 38 6
1306 Aren't you the one who barks and snarls at the scary mailman? 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1307 You know the kennel said you were a guard dog, right? 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1308 Don't try and sniff his butt! 1.2747 0.04206 182 145 25 12
1309 I've become inured to these scare tactics. 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
1310 Trust me, no matter how long you've been hanging on, this is not the tree you're looking for. 1.2747 0.04059 182 141 32 9
1311 Let's hope his roar is worse than his bite. 1.2747 0.03666 182 136 42 4
1312 Really, I think you can take him. 1.2747 0.04059 182 141 32 9
1313 you been pooping in his yard,again ? 1.2747 0.04206 182 143 28 11
1314 Beelzebub? What a ridiculous name! Is it Moscow Beelzebub or just Beelzebub? 1.2747 0.04206 182 145 25 12
1315 'Attack dog' is earned, buddy, not inherited. 1.2747 0.03906 182 139 36 7
1316 Every time I take you on a walk, strange things happen. I'm getting a gold fish. 1.2747 0.04206 182 143 28 11
1317 Oh no I forgot a poop bag. 1.2747 0.04277 182 144 26 12
1318 Let's set genealogy aside and keep walking. 1.2747 0.04059 182 141 32 9
1319 You can grow up to be big and strong just like him 1.2747 0.03828 182 138 38 6
1320 Are you sure you two are related? 1.2747 0.03828 182 138 38 6
1321 Don't worry. He's already had two reprimands from the SPCA. He can't afford a third. 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
1322 He has worse breath than you. 1.2747 0.04348 182 145 24 13
1323 That's not what I meant by "I'm looking for a dog person." 1.2747 0.04348 182 145 24 13
1324 That’s George before he gets his first cup of coffee. 1.2747 0.04206 182 143 28 11
1325 Go get him. 1.2738 0.04111 168 129 32 7
1326 All that salami before bed was a mistake. 1.2738 0.04444 168 133 24 11
1327 Don’t let him scare you; he’s up for re-election 1.2737 0.04251 179 141 27 11
1328 Let's pause our walk until Mrs Gelson has had her morning coffee. 1.2737 0.04251 179 141 27 11
1329 Don’t worry, he’s harmlesss 1.2737 0.04024 179 138 33 8
1330 See, I told you there would be consequences for all those evil little things you do. 1.2737 0.04024 179 138 33 8
1331 This is what happens when you have to pee at 3:00AM! 1.2737 0.03783 179 137 36 6
1332 And your little dog,too! 1.2737 0.04101 179 139 31 9
1333 Finally - something we actually needed a tariff on. 1.2737 0.04101 179 139 31 9
1334 Don’t be so dramatic. He’s just our mailman. 1.2737 0.04101 179 139 31 9
1335 When I drop the leash, you go for the jugular. 1.2737 0.04177 179 140 29 10
1336 Excuse me sir, you're in our way. 1.2733 0.04291 172 135 27 10
1337 And that’s what will become of you if you keep pooping in the house! 1.2732 0.04185 183 144 28 11
1338 Now, be nice to the other doggie, Princess. 1.2732 0.04002 183 144 29 10
1339 You got this sparky 1.2732 0.03888 183 140 36 7
1340 You guys are cousins, right? Just talk to him. 1.2732 0.04039 183 142 32 9
1341 Not even a 'woof'? 1.2727 0.04066 165 126 33 6
1342 Kalessi, do something! 1.2722 0.04156 180 141 29 10
1343 Whatever you do, don’t ask if it’s that time of the month. 1.2722 0.03926 180 138 35 7
1344 Is this the relative no one speaks about? 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1345 I know it's not fair, but he was probably on his leash twenty minutes ago. 1.2712 0.04201 177 139 28 10
1346 You don't, by any chance, speak werewolf, do ya boy? 1.2712 0.03884 177 135 36 6
1347 See. Climate change is not a myth. 1.2712 0.03965 177 136 34 7
1348 See, you can be whatever you want to be. 1.2712 0.03965 177 138 31 8
1349 Now are you going to listen when I say, "Bad dog"? 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1350 No, this isn't EXACTLY like that time we saw The Rock at Whole Foods. 1.2712 0.03884 177 135 36 6
1351 I can assure you I did not vote for him. 1.2712 0.03965 177 136 34 7
1352 You bark at the neighbour's Great Dane. What's the difference? 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1353 Ask if it wants a treat. It'usually works like a charm for me. 1.2712 0.04124 177 138 30 9
1354 Piper, this is Carpet Cleaner Man. Now, let’s go potty. 1.2712 0.04277 177 140 26 11
1355 No, Fido, I am not a bargaining chip! 1.2712 0.04124 177 138 30 9
1356 What do you mean “You sic this one?” 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1357 Yes, he’s literally a monster, but tax cuts. 1.2712 0.04201 177 139 28 10
1358 Let’s not sniff this one’s butt, okay, Duke? 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1359 Now, Sparky, when I said 'Make friends' yesterday this is not what I had in mind. 1.2712 0.04201 177 139 28 10
1360 He guards all the President's golf courses. 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1361 Why do you think I feed you "Mighty Dog"? 1.2712 0.04201 177 139 28 10
1362 Don’t worry, you’ve had your rabies shot. 1.2712 0.04045 177 137 32 8
1363 You just HAD to go for a walk! 1.2712 0.03800 177 134 38 5
1364 Even that won't make you poop? 1.2712 0.04201 177 139 28 10
1365 Don't worry. It's a vegan. 1.2701 0.04006 174 134 33 7
1366 Maybe if you growl ---- 1.2701 0.03836 174 132 37 5
1367 Do you need to go NOW? 1.2701 0.04168 174 136 29 9
1368 A werewolf. Once, your kind were a wolf too. 1.2701 0.04401 174 139 23 12
1369 Hard to believe that he was once just a little toxic byproduct. 1.2701 0.04168 174 136 29 9
1370 So, this is what you're running away from in your sleep? 1.2697 0.03865 178 136 36 6
1371 Yeah, yeah, I know, three riddles to pass... 1.2697 0.04180 178 140 28 10
1372 I've never seen one before either. 1.2697 0.03865 178 136 36 6
1373 i think that adding CBD oil to your food has helped to calm you down so far. 1.2697 0.04026 178 138 32 8
1374 See? When you confront your fears, it's not nearly as scary." 1.2697 0.03865 178 136 36 6
1375 And yet, squirrels are scarier how? 1.2697 0.04180 178 140 28 10
1376 It's wagging, so that's a good sign. 1.2695 0.04112 167 129 31 7
1377 You rescue me this time. 1.2690 0.04214 171 134 28 9
1378 This is the last time I take you on a blind date. 1.2690 0.04214 171 137 24 10
1379 It’s just reality, don’t worry. 1.2690 0.04048 171 132 32 7
1380 I know I told you your father was a lab...But the truth is your father was invented in a lab. Christopher Canaan, New Hope PA 1.2686 0.04379 175 140 23 12
1381 Good dog, Sparky. Trust your instincts. 1.2686 0.04226 175 138 27 10
1382 ok, NOW DO YOU HAVE TO GO ? 1.2686 0.04226 175 138 27 10
1383 If you were more like Sweetums here you too could go off leash. 1.2686 0.04379 175 140 23 12
1384 It's okay, he's a rescue. 1.2686 0.03818 175 133 37 5
1385 And that is what will happen to you, if you don't keep taking your flea and tick medication. 1.2686 0.04147 175 137 29 9
1386 Who's the real monster here? At least he didn't poop in my shoe. 1.2686 0.04147 175 137 29 9
1387 Why don’t we skip the alpha dog contest this time? 1.2686 0.03818 175 133 37 5
1388 I know that look – you will not sniff his butt! 1.2686 0.04226 175 138 27 10
1389 Well, you said you wanted to meet your ‘real’ father. 1.2686 0.03903 175 136 32 7
1390 This is why you shouldn't lie on your dating profile. 1.2686 0.04147 175 137 29 9
1391 Look who's too good for the leash law 1.2686 0.04067 175 136 31 8
1392 Now we know who has been pooping in our yard! 1.2686 0.04379 175 140 23 12
1393 Just pee, will you. 1.2686 0.03903 175 134 35 6
1394 You just had to mark your territory. 1.2686 0.04147 175 137 29 9
1395 I hate it when people think they don't need a leash! 1.2686 0.04147 175 137 29 9
1396 Are you going to let him bully you? 1.2686 0.04067 175 136 31 8
1397 You wanna go smell his butt? 1.2686 0.04226 175 138 27 10
1398 What are you waiting for, dog ? Sic 'em 1.2686 0.03903 175 134 35 6
1399 So you're not actually a "guard dog," you just really hate UPS. Do I have that right? 1.2674 0.04111 172 134 30 8
1400 I told you this place was a hell hole. 1.2674 0.04027 172 133 32 7
1401 So he's the one behind all the robocalls. 1.2674 0.04273 172 136 26 10
1402 Okay Fido. This is your chance to be man's best friend. 1.2674 0.04027 172 133 32 7
1403 See, I told you it wasn't the neighbor's cat. 1.2674 0.04111 172 134 30 8
1404 Don't turn around, Pixie, he doesn't appear to be spayed. 1.2674 0.04273 172 136 26 10
1405 Not so keen on barking now, are you? 1.2674 0.04027 172 133 32 7
1406 did you bring the snickers bar? 1.2674 0.04273 172 136 26 10
1407 Don't worry, he won't replace you. 1.2674 0.04273 172 136 26 10
1408 Leash laws at this dog park are a joke. 1.2674 0.04027 172 133 32 7
1409 Well, go on. Scare him off. 1.2674 0.03765 172 130 38 4
1410 Perhaps if I don't make eye contact, he won't ask to pet my dog. 1.2674 0.03854 172 131 36 5
1411 Now would be a good time to unlearn your good citizen training. 1.2674 0.03942 172 132 34 6
1412 OK, here’s the plan: I’ll go get help while you go sniff her butt. 1.2674 0.04273 172 136 26 10
1413 I'm sorry if you can you smell my fear 1.2674 0.03854 172 131 36 5
1414 So, do you want to talk to him or should I? 1.2674 0.04111 172 134 30 8
1415 Don't worry, I'm sure his bark is worse than his bite. 1.2671 0.04295 161 126 27 8
1416 I don’t think you have met my mother-in-law. 1.2670 0.04205 176 139 27 10
1417 Snurt, I'd like you to meet our new rescue, Hairy Freaky Beast. Now be nice. 1.2670 0.04281 176 140 25 11
1418 I think the squirrels brought in the heavy artillary. 1.2670 0.04047 176 137 31 8
1419 This would not be a good time not to lift your leg. 1.2670 0.04127 176 138 29 9
1420 Be careful what you ask for... we only have 3 wishes. 1.2670 0.03966 176 136 33 7
1421 Now you don't bark? 1.2670 0.04127 176 138 29 9
1422 I don’t know about you but I’m ready to pee. 1.2667 0.04395 165 131 24 10
1423 I bet he just wants to sniff your butt. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1424 And yet the mailman sets you off. 1.2659 0.04171 173 136 28 9
1425 Don't be afraid, I have your back. 1.2659 0.04048 173 137 27 9
1426 Attack, Spike! 1.2659 0.04090 173 135 30 8
1427 I'm not picking this one up. 1.2659 0.03922 173 133 34 6
1428 Now you know how we feel. 1.2659 0.04090 173 135 30 8
1429 You didn't bring your bone did you? 1.2659 0.04251 173 137 26 10
1430 Duffy, now is not the time to be a brave dog. 1.2659 0.04007 173 134 32 7
1431 Don’t hold back on the emotional support. 1.2658 0.04345 158 124 26 8
1432 This is the part where you are supposed to bark. 1.2658 0.04155 158 122 30 6
1433 You realize you two share 99.7% of the same DNA? 1.2655 0.04183 177 140 27 10
1434 Go ahead, just growl back. 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1435 Who's not realizing their full potential at the dog run now? 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1436 What....nothing to say ? 1.2651 0.04113 166 129 30 7
1437 You're the one who was begging for a walk. 1.2651 0.03741 166 125 38 3
1438 I'm really not sure...is it one of your relatives or one of mine? 1.2651 0.04371 166 132 24 10
1439 It's only for the weekend. 1.2647 0.04134 170 133 29 8
1440 I think it wants us to take a selfie, 1.2644 0.04069 174 136 30 8
1441 Oh, hell. 1.2642 0.04412 159 126 24 9
1442 Being a good boy is a risk-reward concept. 1.2638 0.03972 163 125 33 5
1443 That's what happens when you eat your own poop. 1.2635 0.04264 167 132 26 9
1444 Ah, it's off-leash hours. 1.2635 0.04264 167 132 26 9
1445 Don’t worry, Baxter, he’s ‘no bark, all bite.’ 1.2635 0.04264 167 132 26 9
1446 Be gentle. 1.2635 0.04348 167 133 24 10
1447 He says he's made a bit of a mess and wants to know whether you've a spare poop bag 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
1448 Now you know why they don't let him in the dog run during a full moon. 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
1449 ....and think about how strong the puppies will be. Besides, the stud fee is non-refundable. 1.2635 0.04264 167 132 26 9
1450 I’m sorry but you still have to “do your business” before we go home. 1.2635 0.03818 167 127 36 4
1451 Do you see what I see? 1.2635 0.04002 167 129 32 6
1452 How long has this been going on? 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
1453 One of us should be barking aggressively. 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
1454 don't look in his eyes! 1.2635 0.04002 167 129 32 6
1455 Just do your poop so we can get the hell out of here. 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
1456 I'm over the moon. 1.2635 0.04002 167 129 32 6
1457 Go ahead, bark! 1.2635 0.04511 167 135 20 12
1458 I guess I'm the bitch now... 1.2635 0.04264 167 132 26 9
1459 At my friends you bark, but now? Nada 1.2635 0.04430 167 134 22 11
1460 Don't let Mr. Baskervilles' appearance put you off. His kennel's Yelp reviews are excellent. 1.2635 0.03865 167 130 31 6
1461 Now’s a good time to show your dominance. 1.2635 0.03911 167 128 34 5
1462 If it wants to smell your butt, let's just go with it. 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
1463 Just think, Rex, all this used to be glacial. 1.2635 0.04179 167 131 28 8
1464 He's so cute. Has he had his rabies shot yet? 1.2635 0.04179 167 131 28 8
1465 Can I borrow your doggie bag? 1.2635 0.04430 167 134 22 11
1466 So you'll bark at grandma but not this? 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
1467 He's only available once a month but they say he's the absolute best trans species relationship therapist in the business! 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
1468 What do you mean you've always wanted a baby brother? 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
1469 At least we know he’s not carrying a concealed weapon. 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
1470 I wouldn't sniff this one's butt if I were you. 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
1471 It's the wife's turn to walk the dog, but I should be glad to do it she says, 'cuz it's so beautiful out with the full moon . . . 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
1472 Relax! You don't taste that good. 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
1473 You never complained about traditional roles all the years I’ve worn a plastic bag on my hand. 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
1474 A threat? No, I think we need more facts. 1.2632 0.04356 171 137 23 11
1475 You should start barking NOW!! 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
1476 If you’re good, I’m good. 1.2628 0.04179 156 121 29 6
1477 Why can't you be more like your brother? 1.2628 0.04179 156 121 29 6
1478 Just pretend he identifies as a poodle. 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
1479 Just like he said Sparky, we need immigration reform 1.2622 0.04399 164 131 23 10
1480 Muffy, trust me, you’re going to want to roll over for this one. 1.2622 0.03951 164 126 33 5
1481 Let’s go, Boy. I don’t think we’re going to see any any bunnies tonight. 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
1482 Rusty, this is why leashes are so important. 1.2622 0.04313 164 130 25 9
1483 George, I said it's OK to chase squirrels - this is not a squirrel! 1.2622 0.04313 164 130 25 9
1484 We better play dead. 1.2622 0.03855 164 125 35 4
1485 Did you change our dosage again? 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
1486 Are you saying you can see this too? 1.2622 0.04399 164 130 23 10
1487 You must be kidding, that's your dad? 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
1488 I told you about eating table scraps 1.2622 0.04483 164 132 21 11
1489 Don't judge me, I made the deal with him when I was eight 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
1490 It was you scratching at the door for a night walk. Own this moment. 1.2622 0.04225 164 129 27 8
1491 Remind me to bring an extra ball. 1.2622 0.04313 164 130 25 9
1492 I wanted you to meet my nightmare 1.2622 0.04399 164 131 23 10
1493 Don’t worry. It’s just someone with a different opinion. 1.2622 0.04399 164 131 23 10
1494 So what do you say? Next time we'll stick with the dog park? 1.2622 0.04225 164 129 27 8
1495 Welp you tracked down the scent,now what? 1.2622 0.03855 164 125 35 4
1496 I'm the one who should be shaking, you're just the appetizer. 1.2622 0.03951 164 126 33 5
1497 It's either a meme or a trope. 1.2622 0.04044 164 131 25 8
1498 Maybe Tinder is not for you. 1.2622 0.04399 164 131 23 10
1499 Given the magnitude of our current situation, I'm guessing that 'sic im' would be ill-advised. 1.2622 0.04044 164 127 31 6
1500 Well I hope you’re happy now, Mr. “Won’t go within a mile of the house.” 1.2619 0.04242 168 133 26 9
1501 Actually, the full moon was a couple of days ago. It's a waning gibbous now. 1.2619 0.04242 168 133 26 9
1502 Now will you poop? 1.2619 0.04157 168 132 28 8
1503 Yeah buddy, I think we walked really far from home, like, really far. 1.2619 0.04070 168 131 30 7
1504 Always knew you were all bark and no bite. 1.2619 0.03891 168 129 34 5
1505 This is what will happen if you fail obedience school. 1.2619 0.04157 168 132 28 8
1506 That's a bad dog. 1.2619 0.03982 168 130 32 6
1507 WOLF, not WOOF! 1.2619 0.04487 168 136 20 12
1508 You know... you bark a big game. 1.2619 0.03982 168 130 32 6
1509 Sic em, Rex! 1.2619 0.03982 168 130 32 6
1510 I knew we should have gotten you spayed. 1.2619 0.03982 168 130 32 6
1511 You see why I picked you. 1.2619 0.04325 168 134 24 10
1512 You know, Sparky, in your DNA there werewolves. 1.2619 0.04157 168 132 28 8
1513 So that's the guy you were with before I found you at the rescue center? 1.2619 0.04406 168 135 22 11
1514 Don’t embarrass me now. 1.2619 0.03891 168 129 34 5
1515 The neighbors said he doesn't bite, but I'm not buying it tonight. 1.2619 0.04070 168 131 30 7
1516 This is what happens to bad dogs. 1.2616 0.04173 172 136 27 9
1517 Hope you're happy now because I just peed in my pants! 1.2616 0.04173 172 136 27 9
1518 Is this that uncle you’ve been telling me about? 1.2609 0.04273 161 127 26 8
1519 Doesn't this werewolf's owner know it's a leashed park? 1.2606 0.04203 165 130 27 8
1520 Leash laws? Please! 1.2606 0.04459 165 133 21 11
1521 Oh, and by the way, one of the possible side effects of your new flea collar is the chance of hallucinations.” 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1522 THIS is who you wanted to set me up with? 1.2606 0.04459 165 133 21 11
1523 How long will this take? 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1524 Now that we've both done our business, let's go home. 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1525 Can you just do your business so we can go home? 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1526 Kill the man. I can be your best friend. 1.2606 0.04203 165 130 27 8
1527 What do you mean `sometimes it really is the size of the dog in the fight`? 1.2606 0.03835 165 126 35 4
1528 That little bit of DNA makes you howl at the moon 1.2606 0.03737 165 125 37 3
1529 I don't think he cares this is an on-leash park? 1.2606 0.04203 165 130 27 8
1530 Relax boy. You're mother is just going through menopause. 1.2606 0.04375 165 134 20 11
1531 This could be you if you don't finish school.... 1.2606 0.04290 165 131 25 9
1532 No...it's not your father. 1.2606 0.04375 165 132 23 10
1533 Come on, Stanley, do your business and let's go home. 1.2606 0.04290 165 131 25 9
1534 Now do you have to go? 1.2606 0.04375 165 132 23 10
1535 Do NOT try to sniff his butt, Roy. 1.2606 0.03930 165 127 33 5
1536 Don't worry its just mommy back from the sales at the Mall 1.2606 0.04290 165 131 25 9
1537 Obviously the guy he's looking for has a "Boufront" hairdo and hangs out in the Oval Office. 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1538 Don't just stand there. Attack! 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1539 You're birth father. Happy now? 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1540 He's basically a squirrel, but bigger. 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1541 So much for happy little trees. 1.2606 0.04290 165 131 25 9
1542 Were you trolling the Internet again? 1.2606 0.03835 165 126 35 4
1543 The last presidential election was scarier than he is! 1.2606 0.04621 165 135 17 13
1544 You agree, he is a bit too melodramatic? 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1545 Please tell me that’s a friend of yours. 1.2606 0.04203 165 130 27 8
1546 You bark like crazy at your own reflection, but this — nothing? 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1547 Are you going to play nice this time like we talked about? 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1548 Don't be scared. Your therapy human is right here. 1.2606 0.04203 165 130 27 8
1549 See, I TOLD you that people don't really look like their online dating profile pictures! Are you still sure I was trying to ruin your life when I told you not to go out with this guy? 1.2606 0.04290 165 131 25 9
1550 Come along Buddy. I don't think he plays well with others. 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1551 I adopted you for a reason. 1.2606 0.04023 165 128 31 6
1552 And yet you bark at the mailman. 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1553 Still glad you signed up for that ‘find your ancestors gene test’” 1.2604 0.03961 169 131 32 6
1554 Squirrel 1.2604 0.03961 169 131 32 6
1555 Don’t stare, you’ll make him feel that he’s odd. 1.2601 0.04152 173 137 27 9
1556 You dragged me all the way out here to see this? 1.2601 0.03814 173 133 35 5
1557 That is the worst case of PMS I've ever seen. 1.2595 0.04229 158 124 27 7
1558 No, you can't sniff him. 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1559 And the note said "midnight at the bog for all-you-can-eat doggy treats"? 1.2593 0.03872 162 124 34 4
1560 Well, you did ask for help with the neighborhood cat. 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1561 I thought I was your best friend 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1562 But socializing is important at your age. 1.2593 0.04159 162 130 25 7
1563 I'm sorry, but I warned you. If you don't go, I'd get something to scare it out of you. 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1564 Now. Play nice! 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1565 The dog therapist says you have to face your fears. 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1566 OK, you've answered the call of the wild. Now what? 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1567 Really? Are you sure you can't pee anywhere else? 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1568 He can smell fear. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1569 See. This is what you were barking your damn fool head off over. 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1570 He wants to know if you marked his spot. 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1571 Now will you hurry up and pee? 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1572 Anyone you know? 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1573 Your turn. 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1574 Oh, okay. Now you stop barking. 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1575 So this is the Brad you just play fetch with? 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1576 Rex, stop staring, werewolves don't like it when we stare. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1577 Well if you don’t know what it is it can’t eat you. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
1578 Do you feel like showing your combat training or we just leave? 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1579 You're always claiming to be a guard dog. Here's your chance. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1580 Good thing we had you fixed... 1.2593 0.03970 162 125 32 5
1581 no - he is not lost and no - we can't take him home with us. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1582 Think you can lick him? 1.2593 0.04339 162 129 24 9
1583 Now Gordon, this is what happens when you pee on the carpet." 1.2590 0.04267 166 132 25 9
1584 I should've gone with the German Shepherd 1.2590 0.04002 166 129 31 6
1585 I’m so glad I can run faster than you.” 1.2590 0.04092 166 130 29 7
1586 Yes it’s off-leash — what’s the problem? 1.2590 0.03909 166 128 33 5
1587 He says his home has become unbearably hot so he is moving up here. 1.2590 0.04267 166 132 25 9
1588 Bet he’ll howl if you do. 1.2590 0.04180 166 131 27 8
1589 I know, it sucks to run into your ex. 1.2590 0.04373 139 108 26 5
1590 Well, what are you waiting for? 1.2583 0.04251 151 118 27 6
1591 It's times like this that I regret having you neutered. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1592 See, this is what I'd expect you to grow into. 1.2577 0.04316 163 130 24 9
1593 Is there no where we can go to get away from politics? 1.2577 0.04653 163 134 16 13
1594 Do not make eye contact. 1.2577 0.04227 163 129 26 8
1595 You just had to pee here, didn’t ya boy? 1.2577 0.04227 163 129 26 8
1596 Silly me! When the weatherman said it was beastly outside, I assumed he meant the temperature. 1.2577 0.04227 163 129 26 8
1597 Piddling doesn't help. 1.2577 0.04227 163 129 26 8
1598 Here’s the plan. I’m going to throw you at it and run. 1.2577 0.04316 163 130 24 9
1599 It’s just a vacuum cleaner, Max. 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
1600 You don't have to outrun him. You just have to outrun me... 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1601 Your birth dad won unsupervised visitation." 1.2563 0.04275 160 127 25 8
1602 His bark is worse than his bite. 1.2563 0.03890 160 123 33 4
1603 I don’t care what his parents let him do, you’re not allowed off-leash in the enchanted forest. 1.2563 0.04182 160 126 27 7
1604 Kill. 1.2563 0.03990 160 124 31 5
1605 I know it looks like a tree and you have an urge to pee, but trust me on this one. 1.2563 0.03990 160 124 31 5
1606 Want to try off-leash today? 1.2563 0.03990 160 124 31 5
1607 What if I told you he worked for UPS? 1.2563 0.04087 160 125 29 6
1608 That would be your cue to bark. 1.2563 0.03890 160 123 33 4
1609 Frankly, I don’t think it much matters whether it’s a werewolf or an ogre. We’re screwed. 1.2563 0.04366 160 128 23 9
1610 So I'm thinking, now, maybe you'll bring the ball back when I throw it? 1.2563 0.04275 160 127 25 8
1611 I did say, “...you maybe disappointed when you meet your real dad!” But, Noo! 1.2563 0.04275 160 127 25 8
1612 No more Netflix for you. 1.2563 0.04087 160 125 29 6
1613 I guess we can't walk here any more since they drained the swamp. 1.2563 0.04543 160 130 19 11
1614 How are you afraid of your own reflection in the dishwasher but not this? 1.2563 0.04182 160 126 27 7
1615 I think he can smell fear, too. 1.2563 0.03890 160 123 33 4
1616 Just think of him as the mailman! 1.2563 0.04275 160 127 25 8
1617 We're not going to need that doggie bag after all 1.2563 0.04366 160 128 23 9
1618 I told you to stay on the trail. 1.2563 0.03990 160 124 31 5
1619 Perhaps skip scent marking this spot today. 1.2563 0.04087 160 125 29 6
1620 Still... no poop! 1.2561 0.04022 164 128 30 6
1621 If you learn to growl like that, you will be more useful. 1.2561 0.04378 164 132 22 10
1622 ‘It’s just a cat.’ 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1623 Owner to dog, ATTACK “Dog to Owner , RETREAT 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1624 I told you this territory was already claimed... 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1625 This would be a good time for you to bark menacingly. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1626 The next panel is not for the faint of heart. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1627 Don't be scared, Sparky, it's only the president. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1628 No . . . I don't think it's a vegetarian. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1629 It's just a bad dream. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1630 Well? Either sniff his butt or don't, but let's go! Jeopardy starts in five minutes! 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1631 Easy boy, after 2020 you won’t have to fight him. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1632 Well, let's see what I get from paying for your guard dog training. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1633 How does he get away with no leash? 1.2548 0.03824 157 120 34 3
1634 It's the black sheep of our family, Bailey. 1.2548 0.04510 157 127 20 10
1635 Can you take care of this, my trusted little friend, or do I have to get involved? 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1636 Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf? 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1637 He didn't get his coffee today!!!! 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1638 Lupin, Sirius, and Snape reunite by moonlight 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1639 I think that's the ghost of the neighbor's cat, isn't it? 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1640 Stay... stay... good boy! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1641 I'm telling you for the last time it's just a squirrel 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1642 He doesn't need a leash. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1643 OK, Sally Lou, let’s turn real slow-like and head for home. Nooooo running and Nooooo barking! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1644 This is the kind of intimidation I'm looking for you to provide while we're away from the house. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1645 Is he related on the Wolf side of the family? 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1646 That reminds me, did I forget to feed the cat before your walk? 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1647 This is where the wild things live Maurice 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1648 Hey buddy, go git ‘im. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1649 That's why you always must be nice to girl dogs. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1650 NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE HIS SQUEAKY THING IS. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1651 It’s ok to bark! 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1652 In retrospect, wouldn't the wee-wee pad have been a better idea? 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1653 When I said 'nice doggie,' I wasn't talking to you. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1654 And that's why we need a wall. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1655 If he thinks that I’m going to pick up his poop too he’s got another thing coming. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1656 You couldn't resist howling at the full moon could you? 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1657 This reunion is touching, but it's time you were told that your brother was adopted. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1658 If he attacks, don't be too rough on him when you pin him down. 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
1659 So, genius, what’s your answer to The Call of the Wild? 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1660 All that barking and it's just Grendel... 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1661 I see how it is--no mail uniform, and you clam up. 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1662 I told you sooner or later marking your spot for dominance was going to be challenged 1.2547 0.04251 161 128 25 8
1663 You just couldn't wait until morning when he goes back to hell?! 1.2547 0.04342 161 129 23 9
1664 It's just our President in disguise. 1.2547 0.04430 161 130 21 10
1665 Luke, is that your father? 1.2547 0.04517 161 131 19 11
1666 Sorry, buddy. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1667 Remember it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1668 Yes, you're distantly related, but he's not really "man's best friend" material. 1.2547 0.04065 161 126 29 6
1669 I guess this is as good a time as any to suggest showing a little more ambition. 1.2532 0.03969 154 119 31 4
1670 It has a lot to do with how you are raised. 1.2532 0.04376 154 123 23 8
1671 Let's just turn around. It's getting late. 1.2532 0.04376 154 123 23 8
1672 Let's find another tree, OK Rocky? 1.2532 0.04472 154 124 21 9
1673 Oh, don't be such a drama queen. We're just out for a walk. 1.2532 0.04178 154 121 27 6
1674 See Sparky? THIS is why we always stay in the fenced backyard..... 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
1675 Sure, you can sniff his butt as long as I don’t have to talk to his owner. 1.2532 0.04109 158 124 28 6
1676 They call this, the "Things that go howl in the night." 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
1677 I told you, all dogs do not go to heaven. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
1678 Nothin'? 2 hours of an insane, foamfest at a bobblehead and now you've got nothin'? 1.2532 0.03907 158 126 26 6
1679 Does emotional support includes fighting monsters? 1.2532 0.04009 158 123 30 5
1680 Don't worry, it's just an election-year recession rearing its ugly head. 1.2532 0.04300 158 126 24 8
1681 Don’t worry, its just our HOA making sure you’re on a leash. 1.2532 0.04109 158 124 28 6
1682 I hate running into my boss in public 1.2532 0.04109 158 124 28 6
1683 Thanks for not barking 1.2532 0.04009 158 123 30 5
1684 You just had to go to the bathroom during our drive through the mystical evil Forest, didn't you jerry... 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
1685 Meet your father; he's got a bit of an opioid problem 1.2532 0.04009 158 123 30 5
1686 Sorry Old boy, this is my new support animal. 1.2532 0.04300 158 126 24 8
1687 Show him who’s boss but don’t hurt him. 1.2517 0.04148 143 111 28 4
1688 Relax it's just a Labra-Demon. 1.2516 0.04154 155 122 27 6
1689 Tick season is getting worse. 1.2516 0.04351 155 124 23 8
1690 This is why mommy can’t sleep with you tonight. Ok? Satisfied? 1.2516 0.04154 155 122 27 6
1691 You sound ferocious when the mailman walks up to the house. And now, you've got nothing? 1.2516 0.04154 155 122 27 6
1692 It’s 666 of one, 55.5 dozen of the other 1.2516 0.04154 155 122 27 6
1693 Remember when I told you there would be consequences if you continued to resist house training? 1.2516 0.04254 155 123 25 7
1694 Who does he think he is, breaking the leash law? 1.2516 0.04254 155 123 25 7
1695 Honey, the neighbors have a new dog." 1.2516 0.04446 155 125 21 9
1696 Shouldn’t you be sniffing each other’s butts right now? 1.2516 0.04052 155 121 29 5
1697 Wait here Fido, I think I left something back at camp! 1.2516 0.04276 159 127 24 8
1698 See, this is what happens if you ask for food after midnight. 1.2516 0.03987 159 124 30 5
1699 Mom just missed dinner, give her an hour or so. 1.2500 0.04326 156 125 23 8
1700 Snoopers, I've a feeling we're not in London anymore. We must be over Baskerville Hall! 1.2500 0.04229 156 124 25 7
1701 well at least bark !! 1.2500 0.04029 156 122 29 5
1702 Well this explains a thing or two about that unexpected litter of pups you graced us with! 1.2500 0.03818 156 120 33 3
1703 Protect boy! Protect! 1.2500 0.04029 156 124 26 6
1704 Sick him Fido! I'm out of here! 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
1705 Now you see why she is my ex. 1.2500 0.04130 156 123 27 6
1706 What do you mean you’re going on a paleo diet? 1.2500 0.03925 156 121 31 4
1707 Now you know how I feel when they say ‘dog’s best friend.’ 1.2484 0.04006 157 123 29 5
1708 I guess the moon is real. 1.2484 0.04205 157 125 25 7
1709 Perhaps if we stay absolutely still......it'll make absolutely no difference. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
1710 Ugh, full moon Mondays. 1.2484 0.03965 153 119 30 4
1711 I thought it would be better if you met on neutral territory. 1.2484 0.04176 153 121 26 6
1712 And you met this guy on Tinder? 1.2484 0.04176 153 121 26 6
1713 Come on, he just wants to say hello. 1.2484 0.04072 153 120 28 5
1714 Hey! It was YOUR idea to go for a walk on the full moon! 1.2484 0.04072 153 120 28 5
1715 This wouldn't happen if I owned a cat. 1.2484 0.04377 153 123 22 8
1716 Imagine scooping his poop! 1.2484 0.04475 153 124 20 9
1717 I think its time you left your safe space. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
1718 Maybe we should have come to the dog park earlier. 1.2484 0.04176 153 121 26 6
1719 Sure. Now you point. 1.2484 0.04176 153 121 26 6
1720 Let’s see, Skippy. I’ll work on our escape while you sniff his crotch. 1.2484 0.04377 153 123 22 8
1721 Don't worry it will be OK. The Pres. just had the normal bad week with most of the World plotting against him. Some golf will surely help him out. 1.2484 0.04176 153 121 26 6
1722 Do you mind if we get a quick selfie? 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
1723 We just have to hope he’s up to date on his shots. 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
1724 Time for your puppy dog face. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1725 That's the Ghost of Elections Yet To Come. 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
1726 I think I read they're vegetarians. 1.2468 0.04352 154 124 22 8
1727 He'll feed you while I'm away at the fantasy con. 1.2468 0.04152 154 122 26 6
1728 I may need to borrow the poop bag I brought for you. 1.2467 0.04530 150 122 19 9
1729 About last night... you might want to get tested. 1.2467 0.04431 150 121 21 8
1730 I said, "Sic!" 1.2467 0.04006 150 117 29 4
1731 I hate when you bring your work friends over. 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
1732 You know this guy? 1.2467 0.03893 150 116 31 3
1733 What are you waiting for? Show it who's boss! 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
1734 I think it’s time to hire a gardener with less exciting taste in topiary 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
1735 Yes, I ‘m sure he’s friendly. 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1736 Sorry Buddy, a deal is a deal. 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1737 Nothing like the smell of the Great Outdoors 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1738 Watch this. 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1739 You have been trolled. 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
1740 Don't worry. It's just a myth. 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
1741 Now would be a good time to play dead. 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
1742 So you had to pee eh? 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
1743 Stay, I'll get help! 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1744 What are you upset about? I gotta walk back to the house alone. 1.2467 0.04628 150 123 17 10
1745 Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into” 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1746 Well, at least try to pee. 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1747 No! I'm the chosen one! 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1748 I think he found your bone. 1.2467 0.04006 150 117 29 4
1749 This is what rampant inflation looks like 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
1750 What part of 'attack' did you not understand? 1.2450 0.04600 151 124 17 10
1751 I told you the dog park has changed. 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1752 The good news is, I see you’ve finally gone. 1.2450 0.04503 151 123 19 9
1753 I hope the puppies get your temperament. 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1754 I may need you to translate here. 1.2450 0.04404 151 122 21 8
1755 Yes, I said sic 'em. 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1756 Now you see what I'm talking about, he's got game! 1.2450 0.04503 151 123 19 9
1757 It's my ex. Yes, the controlling one. 1.2450 0.04404 151 122 21 8
1758 I think he already peed there, buddy... 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1759 Another reason leash laws are unfair. 1.2450 0.04199 151 122 22 7
1760 Yes! His bite IS worse than his bark! 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1761 I’m not crying, you’re crying. 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1762 Now that is a real monster. 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1763 Does that smell like a rabbit to you? 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1764 We had trolls back in my day. 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1765 Now would be a good time to roll over and play dead. 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1766 Go for the ankles, Rex! 1.2450 0.04092 151 119 27 5
1767 Don't worry -- I got you that tick collar. 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1768 You’ve got a great imagination for a dog. 1.2450 0.04092 151 119 27 5
1769 I think you should hold him off while I go for help. 1.2450 0.04503 151 123 19 9
1770 You should see his tweets. 1.2450 0.04404 151 122 21 8
1771 I told you obedience school was worth it. 1.2450 0.04503 151 123 19 9
1772 Sometimes you have to share pee spots 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1773 The sun is down, another politician is up. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1774 Can I borrow your poop scoop?” 1.2432 0.04247 148 118 24 6
1775 Now Stuart, what is Satan trying to tell us? 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
1776 You don't see him barking at the mailman, do you? 1.2432 0.04025 148 116 28 4
1777 He just wants to be friends. 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
1778 It's not a competition. But if it were,you would lose. 1.2432 0.04458 148 120 20 8
1779 Remember, it's not the dog in the fight, it's the fight in the dog. 1.2432 0.04025 148 116 28 4
1780 ...And that is why dogs should stay off drugs. 1.2432 0.04025 148 116 28 4
1781 I warned you about pooping in his yard. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1782 You just had to sniff the pee over here, didn’t you? 1.2432 0.04025 148 116 28 4
1783 You actually prefer this to the vacuum cleaner? 1.2432 0.04247 148 118 24 6
1784 Do you remember the password? 1.2432 0.04560 148 121 18 9
1785 He's more afraid of you than you are of him 1.2432 0.04247 148 118 24 6
1786 And I thought buying a dog would help me meet women... I'm going to give Tinder another shot. 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
1787 um, the small dog area isn't here anymore 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1788 See, this is what happens when you aren’t properly socialized. 1.2432 0.04247 148 118 24 6
1789 Don’t worry, you’re still man’s best friend. 1.2432 0.04247 148 118 24 6
1790 Well, at least it's out of the closet. 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
1791 It's okay, he's after the unfettered capitalism that led to the deforestation of his home. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1792 He can't bark himself,so he eats little dogs that yap. 1.2432 0.04458 148 120 20 8
1793 That's just Grandma before she's had her coffee. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1794 We're late for our play date 1.2432 0.04025 148 116 28 4
1795 Well boy, looks like you got Catfished again. 1.2432 0.04247 148 118 24 6
1796 Bark louder, and this time, more teeth. 1.2418 0.03882 153 122 26 5
1797 You can take him. Think big. 1.2418 0.04150 153 122 25 6
1798 Do you see something, boy? 1.2418 0.04045 153 121 27 5
1799 So much for the 'Monster Free Zone' signage. 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1800 You'd think at this point the Government would take water table pollution more seriously, but we know it's all about the money, don't we Spot? 1.2416 0.04222 149 119 24 6
1801 Mom? 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
1802 I know, he shouldn't be off leash. 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
1803 OK, Albert, time to go pee-pee. 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1804 Be friendly, Molly. No need to frighten him. 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1805 Ruff , don't hurt the big dog 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1806 Don't worry it's just swamp gas. 1.2416 0.03886 149 116 30 3
1807 Where’s the tough guy now? 1.2416 0.04532 149 122 18 9
1808 Can you at least pretend like it's the mailman? 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
1809 I would be scared if I believed in werewolves. 1.2416 0.04222 149 119 24 6
1810 He's actually a pretty mediocre dentist most of the time 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
1811 Fido, be nice and say hello to my former science teacher. 1.2416 0.04728 149 124 14 11
1812 Don't be afraid, he's just one of the candidates for President. 1.2416 0.04532 149 122 18 9
1813 Thanks, Kary Mullis, now everyone's fooling around with CRISPR. 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1814 It's all right, Sparky; I'm pretty sure it just wants to sniff your butt. 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1815 Please just decide to join him or not so we can go back inside. 1.2416 0.04222 149 123 18 8
1816 Go outside, they said. Fresh air will be good for you, they said. 1.2416 0.04001 149 117 28 4
1817 We went out of our way to reunite you with your Master, Mr. Trump! 1.2416 0.04532 149 122 18 9
1818 I know you've always been curious about your birth parents. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
1819 Something tells me he doesn’t care if you’re wagging your tail . 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1820 Ugh. I hate when owners let their dogs off-leash. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1821 You had to pee on that stump. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
1822 You see? This is why we have leash laws. 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
1823 You are still not getting it Chester, when you spot your prey you are supposed to stand on 3 legs ant point your tail 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1824 I think he's saying, "Dogs will not replace us". 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1825 Is this Grendel, or his dam? 1.2414 0.03698 145 116 25 4
1826 You're the one who took the test so you could meet your relatives. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
1827 He's such a drama queen. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1828 Shouldn't you be trying to protect me by now? 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1829 One day you'll be big and fierce too. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1830 See what happens when you don't go to obedience class, Spot? 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
1831 She's a bit long in the tooth for you, don't you think? 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
1832 I don’t think Timmy’s in the well anymore Lassie 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1833 Don't worry, it only eats cats. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
1834 Why can't you be like your big brother? 1.2414 0.04068 145 114 27 4
1835 No problem, just remind him that you two are genetically connected. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1836 Careful boy, that may be our next President. 1.2414 0.04619 145 119 17 9
1837 Who fed Trump after midnight? 1.2414 0.04822 145 121 13 11
1838 Walk the dog in the valley, see the Sasquatch," she says. She doesn't know the difference between a Sasquatch and a Werewolf? 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
1839 Don't worry, I've heard they are vegetarians. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
1840 I'd heard that his species had gone extinct. He must be the last one. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1841 Don't even think of marking this territory. 1.2411 0.04138 141 111 26 4
1842 You know if we get through this it'll make a great story. 1.2411 0.04259 141 112 24 5
1843 I think you should wake up now. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1844 The tail wag is not helping. 1.2403 0.03692 154 119 33 2
1845 What part of fearless protection of your master don’t you get? 1.2400 0.04089 150 119 26 5
1846 Yes, sir - this is the dog who chewed up my new shoes. 1.2397 0.04043 146 115 27 4
1847 I hope he’s wearing a chip. 1.2397 0.04271 146 117 23 6
1848 See what you could be if you applied yourself? 1.2397 0.04159 146 116 25 5
1849 I think it's probably just the pepperoni pizza I ate, but what do you see? 1.2397 0.04159 146 116 25 5
1850 Rusty, things are about to get real. 1.2397 0.04159 146 116 25 5
1851 Don't worry. He's vegan, not paleo 1.2397 0.04159 146 116 25 5
1852 Not our fight, kiddo. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1853 Try to convince him you're related on your mother's side. 1.2394 0.03862 142 110 30 2
1854 Damn, Fido, you bark at the moon and NOW you're quiet! 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
1855 I guess I had to 'go' too... 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1856 You sit. I run! 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1857 No, YOU hold him off and I'll go for help. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1858 It's just tired old Bigfoot. Give him a thrill and bark. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1859 Back, Bruno! Back! 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1860 Another example of climate change. Let me introduce you to Pooch your ancestor. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1861 If you don't stop barking at night, he'll come and get you. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1862 That's why I told you not to tinkle along the Black lagoon 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1863 I said...attack! 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1864 YOU were the one who wanted to go outside. 1.2394 0.03989 142 111 28 3
1865 I'll never complain about having to clean up after you again. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1866 OK Big Guy. You're on! 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1867 And me without my camera. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1868 Hard to believe you’re both descended from wolves. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1869 Ok buddy, go ahead and poop now. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1870 Don't worry. You were descended from wolves, not werewolves. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1871 Go sniff his butt and make friends. 1.2394 0.03862 142 110 30 2
1872 I could totally answer this riddle if I had my phone with me. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1873 May I remind you that you're man's best friend? 1.2391 0.04309 138 110 23 5
1874 Scary? Yes, but its breath is a weapon of mass destruction. 1.2381 0.04459 147 120 19 8
1875 Well, it's confirmed- my conscience can still find me even after I lose signal. 1.2381 0.04245 147 118 23 6
1876 You go nuts whenever you see a squirrel, but for this: nothing? 1.2378 0.04321 143 115 22 6
1877 Yes, I did tell him to go to hell! 1.2378 0.04087 143 113 26 4
1878 I hoped that the nightmares from the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm were over. Sorry. 1.2378 0.04321 143 115 22 6
1879 This is the last time we’re attending your family reunions. 1.2378 0.04087 143 113 26 4
1880 Trust me. This is only virtual reality, I think? 1.2378 0.04206 143 116 21 6
1881 I suppose yelling "Sic 'em" is pointless. 1.2378 0.04434 143 116 20 7
1882 I wouldn’t “say hello” to this one boy. 1.2378 0.04434 143 116 20 7
1883 Toto, we're back in black and white, so I have a feeling we’re not in Oz anymore. 1.2378 0.04321 143 115 22 6
1884 And you thought it was a rabbit? Now what 1.2378 0.04087 143 113 26 4
1885 You failed to mention that Rebecca would be joining us. 1.2378 0.04543 143 117 18 8
1886 S'ok, he's vegan 1.2378 0.04434 143 116 20 7
1887 And that's why we need a border wall. 1.2378 0.04543 143 117 18 8
1888 This is the last time I'm letting you lead. 1.2378 0.04543 143 117 18 8
1889 Is he friendly? 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
1890 You don't recognize our mailman? 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1891 If it says “give paw!”, don’t. 1.2357 0.03875 140 109 29 2
1892 Go on, see if he's fixed. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1893 Amazing, isn't it, what someone can do with a chainsaw. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1894 Yeah, this might even make me poop on the floor when we get home. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1895 THIS is not what scares me. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1896 You just had to go on Ancestry.com, didn't you? 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1897 Karen, I thought you said he was Impeached 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1898 You’re right: hell hath no fury like a wolfman scorned. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1899 Leave it, it's just political satire." 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1900 He doesn’t want to play, Jake. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1901 I told you not to howl at the full moon. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1902 I guess that’s the last time you’ll be eating Daddy’s hallucinogens, eh, Buddy? 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1903 You see? Leash laws aren't so barbaric. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1904 Didn’t I tell you to stop howling? 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
1905 This happens to politicians every two years 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1906 I warned you about getting your DNA results. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1907 You're gonna need a bigger bark. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1908 Walking the dog will be good for you she says. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1909 'Don't worry, he's Russian and he's fake.' 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1910 What’d I tell you? They never look like their photos. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1911 Don't be scared...He's probably more afraid of you than you are of him. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1912 It's one of those designer breeds. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1913 Ohh, now you decide not to bark. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1914 You'll remember I said 'go' some time ago. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
1915 One of us is hallucinating. Is i me or you? 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1916 Please don't lift your leg on his log. 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1917 "Here's your chance to be a bad doggie. 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1918 Sniffing his butt is going to make all of us uncomfortable. 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
1919 If you want some dinner tonight you'll protect me. 1.2340 0.03980 141 111 27 3
1920 Well, that's two of us that need to do our business now. 1.2340 0.03980 141 111 27 3
1921 That's what happens when we don't pick it up. 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
1922 Ancestry.com? Way to go Fido. 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
1923 I wish you were taller. 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
1924 On Three........ 1.2340 0.03717 141 109 31 1
1925 OK your friend can come too. But he's picking up his own pooh 1.2340 0.04227 141 113 23 5
1926 have a nice day 1.2340 0.04573 141 116 17 8
1927 I thought this was an on-leash park. 1.2340 0.03980 141 111 27 3
1928 Next time you invite a friend over, you HAVE to make sure it's not a full moon! 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
1929 It's a moon thing. Mommy will be better tomorrow. 1.2340 0.04106 141 112 25 4
1930 I was afraid I'd die in a workplace shooting, so there's that... 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1931 You should be more exited Chloe. It's both another person and another dog! 1.2340 0.04227 141 113 23 5
1932 Well, at least he didn't bring that three headed 'Cerberus' with him this week. 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1933 He thinks he's a chihuahua. 1.2340 0.04106 141 112 25 4
1934 Remember, it's not real if you don't believe it. 1.2340 0.04227 141 113 23 5
1935 Are you gonna pee or what? 1.2340 0.04573 141 116 17 8
1936 Let’s not allow it to spoil our quality time together. 1.2340 0.04106 141 112 25 4
1937 I can’t blame you buddy, I think that would make me arfless, too. 1.2340 0.04106 141 112 25 4
1938 Now, don’t disappoint me. 1.2340 0.04573 141 116 17 8
1939 What did I tell you about barking up the wrong tree? 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
1940 No, its not your mother-in-law! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1941 Go ahead. Sniff his butt and make friends. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
1942 Kill, Teddy, kill! 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1943 Don't worry, he can't touch you. You're a GOOD boy. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1944 Hey Chester, if that doesn’t scare the crap out of you, I don’t know what will! 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
1945 I’ll get you my pretty, and your best friend too. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1946 So, she doesn't look like her profile picture! Get on with it on tell her it's a no go! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1947 Didn't I warn you about those DNA ancestry promotions with 23andMe ? 1.2336 0.03913 137 107 28 2
1948 Do you see it too? 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1949 No Fido, I don't think that's a Great Dane. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1950 Well, there goes the neighborhood. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1951 I’m deleting your mammalsonly.com account. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1952 Damn! I was going to get you spayed this week. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1953 Sure. Now you stop barking! 1.2336 0.03773 137 106 30 1
1954 No, You sic him 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1955 Man Up, Bruno 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1956 Yes, when you grow up. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1957 Ignore him, Skip. It the Smiths’ little cat puffing itself up 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1958 Okay, I am going to ask you one last time. Where is my slipper? 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1959 Shoot! I forgot a bag. 1.2336 0.04547 137 112 18 7
1960 I need to take a dump.... 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1961 Tina reared her ugly head on finding that Paul's affections for the dog surpassed his regard for her 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
1962 Well Rex, you can thank me now for investing in the flea, tick and werewolf collar... 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1963 We should have brought your pedi-paw for those nails. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1964 Oh grr? Oh grr? Good dog, I’m saved. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1965 No, it is not your Knuffle Bunny. Can we go home now? 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1966 Payback time for all that premium kibble, Charlie. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1967 This is your brain on drugs. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1968 You wouldn’t happen to have a pooper scooper for me now, would ya? 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1969 Don’t be scared boy, just remember... werewolves rock 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1970 Why aren't you barking? 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1971 Remember what I taught you -- It's just a drug... Calmly observe your experience in the moment and ride it out. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1972 At least it's not Big Foot. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1973 You seemed real tough when you were barking at the neighbor's cat. 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
1974 I think you peed on his changing room. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1975 See what could happen if you don't obey your master? 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1976 This time, good boy barks! 1.2324 0.04080 142 113 25 4
1977 So, like the ad said, he is house-trained and great with kids. He does shed a lot so keep that in mind. 1.2324 0.03956 142 112 27 3
1978 If it makes you feel better, my dad’s a Republican. 1.2324 0.04543 142 117 17 8
1979 Guess we shouldn't have taken the short way home. 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1980 Great, why does every weirdo want to talk to you when you're out walking your dog? 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1981 And you think I'm scary before I've had my coffee. 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1982 My Id got loose again. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1983 They were cannabis treats not canine treats. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1984 I knew reading you Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark was a bad idea. 1.2319 0.03606 138 115 19 4
1985 Never mind what he is. What are you? Chicken?” 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1986 So this is your Uncle Floyd? 1.2319 0.04022 138 109 26 3
1987 See? Now,will you tell Pam there's a monster waiting in the dark to swallow me alive? 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1988 You don't even know what a truffle is, do you? 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1989 I think he just wants to sniff your butt. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1990 Just because Mom and I aren't living together anymore, doesn't mean we love you any less. 1.2319 0.04633 138 114 16 8
1991 Uncle Vern was kind of the black sheep of the family. I mean, wolf." 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1992 I told you to verify his profile before meeting him 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1993 One of us is in the wrong dog park. 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1994 I told you not to mark this place 1.2319 0.03750 138 107 30 1
1995 What do you mean you don't have to go anymore? 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1996 Don't worry. It's a figment of my imagination. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1997 I’m sure I read the results right. The DNA test said he was a 100% match. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1998 If your dog keeps following me , I'm reporting him to Animal Control ! 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1999 I warned you not to drink out of the toilet. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
2000 The one time I decide to walk you...Your mother is going to be furious. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
2001 Don't be a sissy: He is more afraid of you than you of him! 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
2002 He'll be training you from now on. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
2003 I thought you said you marked your territory. 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2004 From the depths of your girded primal loins came an "arf?" 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2005 Here we have a classic example of Ginsberg's inspiration,a product of destructive social isolation elevated into a mythical figure. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
2006 Imagine the size of those Doggy Bags. 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2007 I don’t think sniffing his butt would be a good idea. 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
2008 If you're really my best friend, why are you thinking all you have to do is outrun me? 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
2009 Now how did we agree to behave when we saw the Beast from Hell again? 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2010 Spot, I strongly suggest you don't go with the traditional butt sniff greeting. 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
2011 Now, you're telling me you can't bark!? 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2012 Obviously he has no regard for the home owner association leash laws. 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2013 OK mans best friend, now would be a good time to prove it." 1.2302 0.03864 139 109 28 2
2014 You had to put “taller than 6 feet” and the tongue emoji on your profile, didn’t you? 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
2015 I told you not to piss on his lawn.. 1.2302 0.03795 139 111 25 3
2016 It’s just the looming recession rearing its ugly head.... but they say we don’t have to worry for now! 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
2017 The moors,” you said. “It'll be fun,” you said 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2018 You can stop barking any time now, Rocky. 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2019 You just had to go for a walk in the woods. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
2020 If you fight,I fight with you. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
2021 Great. NOW you puddle. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
2022 They told him that if he saw a dog to pretend to be big and growl 1.2302 0.03864 139 109 28 2
2023 well technically yes, but that was millions of years ago 1.2302 0.04249 139 114 19 6
2024 I told you we should've stayed in the 'small dogs' section. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
2025 Must we go through this whole routine every morning? 1.2302 0.04931 139 118 10 11
2026 If he wants to, I'd let him sniff. 1.2302 0.03864 139 109 28 2
2027 I always believed you. Now can we turn back before we both become midnight snacks? 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
2028 Just do your business and let's go home. There's nothing out there. 1.2302 0.03864 139 109 28 2
2029 He said he's a cousin. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
2030 I see him in your nighttime future if your house training doesn’t improve! 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
2031 And that’s why you should go to college. 1.2302 0.04388 126 101 21 4
2032 Why can't you be ferocious like that? 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2033 The script says to defend your master. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2034 Don't bite off more than you can chew. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
2035 It's not funny. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2036 Well, here's your chance to prove your loyalty to man. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
2037 You were the one who wanted walkies! 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
2038 THIS is why I want you to use the wee-wee pad at night,okay? 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
2039 Does he look like he wants a snack or a meal? 1.2286 0.03971 140 111 26 3
2040 Well, it's a full moon Charlie, what did you expect? 1.2286 0.03971 140 111 26 3
2041 Yes, Muffin, traditionally dogs were kept specifically to protect their masters. Do you have any clever ideas? 1.2286 0.03971 140 113 23 4
2042 That's what happens if you only eat your treats. 1.2286 0.04222 140 113 22 5
2043 I think we'll skip the Chernobyl kibble for Buddy next time. 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
2044 Now's a good time for those emotional support skills. 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
2045 He’s like this because he goes out only once in a blue moon! 1.2286 0.04572 140 116 16 8
2046 This is what happens when you guys don't get fixed. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
2047 I don't think growling is going to work this time. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
2048 It's okay, boy. He's only computer-generated. Like in The Avengers. 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
2049 ATTACK - Rex! 1.2286 0.04683 140 117 14 9
2050 You're right, we should have gone to Universal Studios 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
2051 I told you a blind date was a bad idea. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
2052 See what howling at the moon will get you? 1.2286 0.03971 140 111 26 3
2053 Sir, Maxxie says you need mint bones before you breathe around the ladies. 1.2286 0.04222 140 113 22 5
2054 Hurry take the damn thing. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2055 You gotta be kidding. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2056 Well, you don't expect ME to sniff his butt, do you? 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2057 Now do you have to go potty? 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2058 You should see him at night. 1.2279 0.04171 136 112 19 5
2059 The good news is that you’re only distantly related. That’s also kind of the bad news. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2060 No? What Do You Mean, “No”? 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2061 I already told you the puppies won't be purebred. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2062 Go easy. He's bigger than you. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2063 You both share ninety-nine per cent of the same genes, so do something! 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2064 Do you speak werewolf? 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2065 Don't worry,, Daphny Dog. He's just a cartoon monster. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2066 No more treats until you take him down. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2067 Full moons, indeed, bring out some ghastly sights. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2068 See what happens if you only eat treats! 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2069 Okay, now think of it as a cat 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2070 Looks like someone hasn't heard of leash laws... 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2071 Someone's going to need a bigger poop bag. 1.2279 0.03901 136 107 27 2
2072 I don't think he wants you to sniff his ass. 1.2279 0.03901 136 107 27 2
2073 He takes baaaaad dogs for walks 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2074 We have the same nightmare? 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2075 Do you think he'll roll over? 1.2279 0.03758 136 106 29 1
2076 See, he didn’t obey when his owner said “Don’t eat that.” 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2077 We've been watching too many episodes of "Stranger Things". 1.2279 0.03901 136 109 24 3
2078 Hi Would you like to play? 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
2079 He wasn’t neutered. 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2080 That’s why your food is hormone free. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2081 No, Bentley, I don't think it's a good idea to mark your territory now. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2082 You can be a nightmare too, you know. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2083 Please clean up after your owner 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2084 Attack, Spot! Attack! 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2085 Would you like to reconsider? 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2086 Stay, Roscoe. This bark doesn't deserve a response. 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2087 No. You cannot pee on it. 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
2088 I warned you something bad would happen if you kept chewing my slippers. 1.2279 0.03901 136 107 27 2
2089 Now you can see what happens when you eat human food. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2090 Don’t even start. He’s just trolling you. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2091 Say hello to your Uncle Don, it’s his time of the month. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2092 This is what happens if you bite someone. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2093 At least bark 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2094 I'm really a lot of fun once you get to know me. 1.2279 0.04664 136 113 15 8
2095 He's a real pussy cat. It's just the full moon. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
2096 We all have relatives. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2097 Try barking again. 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2098 Hey, Spot, isn't that your uncle twice-removed? 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2099 Remember, it's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters. 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
2100 Don't get so bent out of shape. I'll pick up after my dog. 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2101 No we can’t arrange a play date. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2102 just treat him as a fire hydrant-with a grumpy attitude 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2103 I’ve seen Stranger Things. Time to R.U.N. , Belle! 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2104 mailman-no, him-yes 1.2279 0.04299 136 112 18 6
2105 We all have skeletons in our closets. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2106 Remind me to post this on NextDoor when we get home. 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
2107 Are you still feeling protective of me? 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2108 We came all this way and you’re not even going to sniff his butt? 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2109 Try the next tree. This one's been over fertilized. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2110 You really must stop baying at the Moon! 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
2111 These Instagram dog models are setting some really unrealistic body expectations 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2112 See. This is what happens when you howl at the moon. 1.2279 0.04038 136 108 25 3
2113 OK Bittlesworth, it's go time! 1.2276 0.04734 123 101 16 6
2114 I am going to count to three , and if you are still here , I am going to run (as fast asI can)... 1.2273 0.04511 132 110 15 7
2115 You got this. This is what we've been training for. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2116 Sorry Peaches.... I think he is in heat. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2117 No, not here. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2118 This is why I don't take you to the leash-free dog parks 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2119 Ah, LSD flashbacks are getting better & better 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2120 You've made your point. I am not humping Mrs. Lewis again 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2121 Second thoughts about the designated dog park? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2122 He used to be my Uber driver but now he walks dogs. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2123 Arf, arf.....My name is “Baxter”. Go in peace. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2124 No worries, Rascal, he's just one of those blow-up baby bully balloons. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2125 Spot, go show him who’s boss! 1.2273 0.03816 132 103 28 1
2126 Designer dogs are all the rage! 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2127 Stay calm and let him sniff. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2128 And this is where your training should kick in. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2129 Henry, you keep him occupied and I'll jog over to the car. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2130 How come you know he doesn't exist but we humans believe? 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2131 It’s not a werewolf and we’re not in London. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2132 I told you not to shit on the carpet again! Now say hello to your new owner. 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
2133 Ya know, your related 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2134 Bad dog! Maybe now you'll stop pooping on the neighbor's lawn. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2135 I don't know what he's so happy about either. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2136 Oh, give him a break. You know how you get during a full moon. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2137 And you call yourself an animal? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2138 what did I say about not looking at werewolves in the eyes. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2139 I knew it! I never should have taken the path less traveled by. 1.2273 0.04381 132 109 17 6
2140 This is not one of those ‘sniff the butt’ situations. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2141 Yes Doug, I'm a werewolf. This is awkward but could you spare an extra poop baggie? You know how the neighborhood is... 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2142 Does he look Vegan? 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2143 I don’t recall Google Maps saying THIS was here. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2144 Let it go, honey. He's not going to pick up his poop. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2145 Im sure his bark is much stronger than his bite. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2146 Okay, Bud, time to impress. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2147 Why don't you mark this as your spot? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2148 Yep, that's the monster who loves to eat barking dogs. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2149 Relax. It's only a phantom. His second term isn't real yet. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2150 I warned you that pedigree DNA testing could bring surprises. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2151 Yes, Toto, We’re still in Jersey. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2152 He's just like you, except economically anxious. 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2153 See what happens when you just apply yourself? 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2154 Don't worry, boy. He's easily defeated if we all just vote.... 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2155 Over the river and through the woods... and did we really not expect this? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2156 I only pick yours up. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2157 Wait, Greenland is the one with the ice? 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2158 He has a some what Devil-may-care attitude, don't you think? 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2159 He wants you to be is therapy dog 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2160 I would suggest not sniffing his butt 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2161 I thought you were supposed to be a babe magnet. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2162 I’m gonna go out a limb here and guess you don’t have a silver bullet. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2163 Toto, calm down! . It's really just that man behind the curtain again. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2164 You know, this tweeting thing is getting awfully old. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2165 that one's off the leash. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2166 Now'd be a good time to demonstrate that "man's best friend" thing. 1.2273 0.03965 132 104 26 2
2167 We warned Rex about the evils of steroids. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2168 You just couldn’t hold it in, could you? 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2169 Bonnie, this why I don’t feed you scraps from the table. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2170 He’s got that Big Dick Energy 1.2273 0.04637 132 109 16 7
2171 Don't worry, Beelzebub won't bite. 1.2273 0.03965 132 108 20 4
2172 It happens because of the full moon, sweetie, not because you peed in his garden. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2173 I should have brought two plastic bags. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2174 I suppose I won't bother suggesting that you sic it." 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2175 Hi dad. I brought lunch. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
2176 This is why we never feed you after midnight, Gerald. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2177 This looks to be a good time to turn around and go home. 1.2273 0.04108 132 105 24 3
2178 I think you should pass on this one 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2179 See? This kennel has other doggies for you to play with. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2180 I take it this is not the dog park you wanted to go to? 1.2273 0.03816 132 103 28 1
2181 I bet he doesn’t pee on the rug. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2182 Do you know him? He seems to know you. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
2183 This is what happens when good boys pee on the carpet. 1.2270 0.04072 141 113 24 4
2184 We should Run 1.2270 0.04314 141 115 20 6
2185 Don't worry, boy. He won't be re-elected. Charlie McBride Santa Barbara, CA 1.2270 0.04072 141 116 20 5
2186 NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM FOR A PLAYDATE. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
2187 C’mon Gus, there’s no such thing as a devil dog. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
2188 Oh, now you pee. 1.2263 0.04012 137 109 25 3
2189 I think we’ll stick with the bottled water at home. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
2190 When he surprised your grandma,flashes of light came from her eyes and turned him to stone. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
2191 Just don't ask for any wishes. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
2192 This is not funny! 1.2263 0.03876 137 108 27 2
2193 Oh, now you don’t bark? 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
2194 Don’t worry. He’s all bite, no bark. 1.2263 0.03876 137 108 27 2
2195 Tell him to go away or I'll let you off the leash. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
2196 He said “ Yum ! 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
2197 Now you know, the earth the angry, very angry. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
2198 Act big! 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
2199 See what happens when you don't behave. 1.2258 0.04260 124 99 22 3
2200 Attack! 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2201 I don't think being "cute" will help, so can you please growl? 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
2202 If you would only go to the bathroom like other dogs, I wouldn't have to scare the crap out of you. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2203 No, your coat is much nicer. 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
2204 Clearly some form of canine. That's your department. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
2205 don’t worry, it’s just another news cycle... 1.2256 0.03939 133 105 26 2
2206 I told you you were barking up the wrong tree. 1.2256 0.04081 133 106 24 3
2207 Just another fake news image. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
2208 Fido, did you get into my edibles again? 1.2256 0.04605 133 110 16 7
2209 The sign clearly says, “All hellspawn must be on a leash.” 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
2210 Guess what? Sasquatch has DNA like yours, not mine. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2211 They said that this was a dog park. I'm leaving a zero-star review. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2212 I think he just wants to be your friend. 1.2256 0.03791 133 104 28 1
2213 Sure, you're scared now but if you want real terror we'll put Fox News on tonight when they're interviewing trump 1.2256 0.04605 133 110 16 7
2214 She won't look so good to you when it's not her time of the month. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2215 I think I'm going to need a bigger dog. 1.2256 0.04846 133 112 12 9
2216 You think this is scary, the Amazons are burning 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
2217 Are you thinking what I’m thinking? 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2218 Well I 'spose we should find another place for you to do your business. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2219 I think we're developing fright fatique. 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
2220 See? This is what happens when you eat chocolate. 1.2256 0.04081 133 106 24 3
2221 I 'm not scooping that. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
2222 Yet the mailman can never sneak by. 1.2256 0.04081 133 106 24 3
2223 You just couldn't hold it until morning. Could you? 1.2248 0.04296 129 104 21 4
2224 OK, now is the time for payback for all those belly rubs. 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
2225 See any resemblance? 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
2226 He must have slipped his leash. 1.2246 0.03986 138 110 25 3
2227 Time for your to earn your kibble. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
2228 Fido. I am your father. 1.2239 0.04449 134 110 18 6
2229 Where is the border patrol when you need them? 1.2239 0.04449 134 110 18 6
2230 I was content watching football. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
2231 Now that's a watchdog. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
2232 We know the moon is our problem. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
2233 You didn't tell me your Mother was coming. 1.2231 0.04538 130 107 17 6
2234 Whaddya mean, "At this point I suggest we part company?" 1.2231 0.04538 130 107 17 6
2235 Drama 1.2230 0.04090 139 112 23 4
2236 Werewolf? There wolf. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2237 No, Toby, I don't think he wants to give you a belly rub. 1.2214 0.03951 131 104 25 2
2238 He wants to sniff your butt if that's okay with you. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2239 ... and this is why I wanted a cat. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2240 Damn it, Milo! you and your darned obsession with alpha males. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2241 Stay Fluffy. I'll run and get help. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2242 You sure you're ready for this dog park? 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2243 Don’t worry, that’s just George. He gets like this every full moon. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2244 No more listening to Lou Reed, okay? 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
2245 Luther, I said, "It's like we're wolves", you get so literal. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2246 Start with a friendly butt sniffing, then invite him to the dog park next weekend. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2247 I always wondered where gargoyles vacationed... 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2248 It's either a manifestation of our deepest fears about the inadequacies of the Democratic ticket. Or, Daddy needs to go back on his Wellbutrin." --Leo Sacks, Sunnyside, N 1.2214 0.04760 131 110 13 8
2249 Sorry Fritz, but I have to report your buddy Gargoyle for being off leash again. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2250 I knew we shouldn’t have eaten those mushroons. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2251 He’s probably at Bedminster. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2252 Every Full Moon It's The Same Dance Routine 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
2253 Don't worry, Lucky. I'm sure his bark is worse than his bite. 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
2254 No, you can not invite him home for dinner. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2255 I'm quite certain he doesn't want to sniff your behind. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2256 My owner says I’m related to wolves, but I really can’t see the resemblance. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2257 Now do you see why I won't let you hang out with your feral friends? THAT used to be Sparky! 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
2258 Maybe THIS will help you do your business. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2259 This is what you dragged me out of the cabin for? 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2260 I'd suggest skipping your "I was here mark",on either one. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2261 Ok Ralph, now I understand why you don’t like to come to the dog park anymore. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2262 See, Duke? This is what happens when you don't learn to socialize at the dog park. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2263 You just had to go for a walk *tonight* didn’t you? 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2264 I hate it when other owners don't use a leash. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2265 The full moon will make for a beautiful walk, you said... 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
2266 I'd be scared if I weren't here with you, Brendan. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2267 STILL think meeting your birth mother was a good idea? 1.2214 0.04635 131 109 15 7
2268 I thought this was a dog park 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2269 So, those were your nibble marks on my edibles. 1.2214 0.04238 131 108 18 5
2270 So you couldn't way until tomorrow... 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2271 Still want to know about you ancestry? 1.2197 0.03924 132 105 25 2
2272 The neighbors' cat -- now that's scary. 1.2197 0.04847 132 112 11 9
2273 There's nothing to fear from recession. It's fake news. 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
2274 Shouldn't you be barking or something? Wait — shit, how much of that CBD tincture did I give you? This is one hell of a way to find out that shit works. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
2275 His bark is not worse than his bite. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
2276 I think I need to pee too. 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2277 Now would be a good time to remember your 'Attack training'. 1.2188 0.03990 128 102 24 2
2278 I have a bad feeling his bite may be worse than his bark.... 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2279 Aren't you glad I came along to this Tinder meet-up? 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
2280 I know he's family but I'm not feeling very welcome.... 1.2188 0.04141 128 105 19 4
2281 Well, go on. Give him a sniff. 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2282 I don't care what you rolled, it's not Dungeons and Dogs. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2283 Whaddya say we run the hell out of here? 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2284 If you pee on his leg it might make him melt. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2285 Your relative? 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2286 See Scruffy, this is what happens when you watch Teen Wolf 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
2287 Don't hurt him too bad... 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2288 I don't think he'll respond to "Sit." 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2289 Don't stare,Tucker,it's rude. 1.2188 0.04698 128 107 14 7
2290 Now is not the time to act like a show dog! 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2291 _You_ answered. Now you're having second thoughts? 1.2188 0.04698 128 107 14 7
2292 You still have to do your business if you want to be told you're a good boy. 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2293 Now, you stop provoking him. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2294 Relax. It’s just the FX door switch robot. 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2295 That’s the last time I let you blow your own dog whistle. 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
2296 I told you meeting up with lost relatives could be awkward. 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2297 He knows the rules, No leash No walkies 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2298 You're conjuring again. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2299 Sic ’em, Rusty! 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2300 Why don’t you leave the whimpering to me? 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2301 Australian Devil-doodle? 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2302 Why do you always have to admire the statue before peeing on it? 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
2303 I knew you wouldn't recognize him. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2304 I hope you kept the receipt! 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2305 That's what you looked like three million years ago. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2306 The lengths people go to keep dogs off their lawn 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2307 See Billy,THIS is why you should get neutered. 1.2188 0.03990 128 102 24 2
2308 Don't worry. Legend has it he prefers weiner dogs 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2309 Not impressed eh? 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
2310 Are you looking for Donald Trump? He's right over there. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2311 It's just Mr. Nelson from next door. He's going through his time of the month again. 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2312 Are you sure this is your playdate? 1.2188 0.04698 128 107 14 7
2313 I'm starting to think those breakfast sausages had gone bad. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2314 You're the one who wanted to do some soul-searching. 1.2188 0.04698 128 107 14 7
2315 When you said your grandmother was a savage, this was not what I expected 1.2188 0.03832 128 101 26 1
2316 oh that's just an ex of mine 1.2188 0.03990 128 102 24 2
2317 May I introduce you to my Lord and Savior? 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2318 Tree branches and dead squirrels were one thing, but this? 1.2188 0.03990 128 102 24 2
2319 Stand your ground and look him in the eyes! 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2320 Don't you dare sniff his butt! 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2321 Peg, would you stop streaming and call 9-1-1 for Chrissakes. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
2322 So my dog says, “I’ll have what he’s having!” 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2323 In this instance,best if your bite is bigger than your bark 1.2188 0.04698 128 107 14 7
2324 Hey, you bark at everything else - what's the problem here? 1.2188 0.04827 128 108 12 8
2325 Oh, so now you'll go pee. 1.2188 0.03990 128 102 24 2
2326 Down Boy. 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2327 Well, I for one don't believe in werewolves. 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
2328 I told you these "Full Moon" walks were a bad idea. 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
2329 I don’t care what he says. I’m not Richard Nixon! 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2330 Don’t fetch 1.2185 0.04329 119 96 20 3
2331 Don't worry, I'm sure his bark is worse than his bite. -Bob Greene 917-696-6823 bob@contourventures.com 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
2332 Still wish you were never adopted? 1.2171 0.03962 129 110 14 5
2333 That’s what you get for howling at the moon! 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
2334 Whew. For a moment I thought it was a scientologist. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
2335 He's talking to you, Fifi. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
2336 Sic balls 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
2337 See? That is what happens when you go off-leash. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2338 Looks like Somebody finally won their first court case. 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
2339 I guess they hired this guy and saved billions on the wall, Sparky. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2340 The New Normal... 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2341 C'mon, Fluffy, this is what we've been training for. 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
2342 See what happens when you don't mind, Sparky? 1.2171 0.03806 129 106 20 3
2343 Give your mommy a hug, Bonzo. 1.2171 0.04112 129 108 16 5
2344 But can he tweet? 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2345 It’s all an act-he’s a game show host. 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
2346 I think we're going to need a louder "WOOF" 1.2171 0.04792 129 109 12 8
2347 Yup, an American werewolf in Greenland. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2348 Look, we both agreed to a personal trainer. 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
2349 Come on Skipper - he's more afraid of us than we are of him. 1.2160 0.04338 125 102 19 4
2350 Did you say “Mommy?”? 1.2160 0.04030 125 100 23 2
2351 Hey, you're the one who wanted to go for a walk. 1.2160 0.03696 125 98 27 0
2352 No. I said HEEL. 1.2160 0.04030 125 100 23 2
2353 I've soiled myself but you still can't go? 1.2160 0.04338 125 102 19 4
2354 You had to meet your biological father? 1.2154 0.03935 130 104 24 2
2355 Sic ‘em, Rex. I’ll run for help. 1.2154 0.04084 130 105 22 3
2356 Next time be more careful where you lift your leg. 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2357 I don’t suppose “sic ‘em!” is what you want to hear right about now?! 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2358 This doesn't apply even if you did read Cervantes 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2359 Recognize him from Puppy Daycare? 1.2143 0.04307 126 103 19 4
2360 Remember when you were a puppy and I taught you to 'sic em'? 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2361 This doesn’t mean that you get to go off leash. 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2362 So now you know why we named you Luke. 1.2143 0.04592 126 107 12 7
2363 You're the one who didn't 'Fetch'. 1.2143 0.04592 126 105 15 6
2364 Death is not the end. 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2365 I told you what would happen if you kept pooping there! 1.2143 0.04001 126 101 23 2
2366 Is he your mom or your dad’s side? 1.2143 0.04728 126 106 13 7
2367 Time to try you off-leash. 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2368 Can you speak demon? 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2369 You are not required to bark. However, if you would like to bark now, it would be appreciated. 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2370 Bark much? 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2371 It was YOU who fetched the leash” 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2372 Did mixing the mushrooms with your dog food get you there, Fido? 1.2143 0.04288 112 90 20 2
2373 So he claws and howls at the full moon, beats his chest and all you can muster is a “whoof” ... great, and they said you would made an adequate guard dog! 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2374 Well Mr. Boodles,it's a darn good thing that your master took the precaution of sprinkling us both with gluten. 1.2143 0.04592 126 105 15 6
2375 And you call yourself a guard dog? 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2376 I know what you’re thinking. No, you better not sniff his butt. 1.2143 0.04592 126 105 15 6
2377 I bet he’s bad at catching tennis balls in his mouth. 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2378 Fluffy Do you know this guy? 1.2143 0.04592 126 105 15 6
2379 See Bosco, this is why I didn't want to order that doggy DNA kit in the first place. 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2380 Damn I forgot the treats! 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
2381 don't bark you might scare him 1.2137 0.04336 131 108 18 5
2382 Are you ready to go back now? 1.2137 0.04514 117 95 17 4
2383 Your birth dad only shows up when he needs money. 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
2384 He was a bad doggie 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2385 Chopper. Sick balls. 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
2386 Sidney, this is just to show you that I take potty training very seriously. 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
2387 Okay boy meet your crazy cousin Lon... 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2388 Don't chase the cat! 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
2389 Hey boy, have you read Maurice Sendak? 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2390 That is NOT my species's ancestor. 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
2391 I 'm going to drop your leash now and dash back to the car to get you a biscuit. You STAY while I do that. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2392 That's the last time I wonder what's down Grimpen Mire Lane? 1.2131 0.03901 122 97 24 1
2393 That's what happens to you if you are not a good dog. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2394 Stop whining we can afford another pet. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2395 Sorry Rex, but you gotta take one for the team! 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2396 Oh, now you stop barking? 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2397 You're more afraid of him than he is of you. 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2398 Why can't you transmogrify like the Henderson's dog? 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2399 No,it's not a werewoof. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2400 Definitely off leash. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2401 Can we get a woof-woof? 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2402 Gozer here is going to be your coach at Guard Dog camp, Daisy. 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
2403 I knew your incessant howling would get us in trouble some day. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2404 Don't worry. If negative interest rates don't bother us, why should this? 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2405 Great, I only brought one poop bag. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2406 Well aren't you going to do something about this? 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2407 Let's walk on National Debt Trail, you said 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
2408 Menopause is a monster old friend. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2409 I don’t have a doggie bag that big ..... 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
2410 Get that look off your face. I am not lifting you up to smell his butt. 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2411 Sparky, I think he just wants to play. 1.2131 0.03901 122 97 24 1
2412 this is what happens to disobedient dogs 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
2413 Do you think he's worth a bark or two ? 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2414 This is why we have leash laws, Fido. 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2415 I thought you said the Pine Barrens would make for a nice change of pace? 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2416 I said attack Sparky! 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2417 So you're not going to sniff his butt? 1.2131 0.03901 122 97 24 1
2418 See, this is what happens when you chew on daddy’s shoes. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2419 Don't be a scaredy-cat. 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2420 You're the one that just HAD to have a walk on full moon night...you figure it out! 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2421 I can remember when a simple 'No dogs allowed' would suffice. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2422 And that is why they call it Devils Lake. 1.2131 0.04070 122 98 22 2
2423 Say hi to your new brother. He's also a Rescue. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2424 Yeah, pretty good. Yourself? 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
2425 This is what happens to bad little dogs who don't heel. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
2426 I should've gone with the pit bull. 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
2427 Your father insists you come home. 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
2428 Picking up after you, Spike, isn't so bad I guess. 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
2429 We may both be their descendants. 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
2430 Well? What happened to the leash aggression? 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
2431 Don't' worry. It's just an old fiend. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2432 Don’t be shy. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2433 Go on, give your father a hug. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2434 Remember, size is just a construct. 1.2114 0.04434 123 104 13 6
2435 This is your department. 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2436 You took that basset hound. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2437 Something tells me this is not CGI, Toto. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2438 Couldn't hold it until morning, could you?! 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2439 No, it is not a black Lab. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2440 Before I’m torn apart, I just want to say that it would be funny if you called yourself “Society” because people would be like “the real monster is society” and you’d be like “Yeah, that’s me!” Just think about it, I dunno, could be cool. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2441 He's a rescue - terrier is all we know for sure. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2442 I'll get the poop bags out. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2443 You just had to ask him what his party trick was. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2444 I clean up after you all the time! The least you could do is return the favour. 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2445 Don't worry Fido, it's stuck in a giant walnut. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2446 I didn't bring a big enough bag. 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2447 Stay. 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2448 Now do you see why we neutered you? 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2449 I told you that you should have stopped barking. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2450 It’s ok, he’s friendly. 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2451 No, your dad had a black spot on his nose. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2452 He cost me $200 at Petsmart. Make the most of it. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2453 But can he howl? 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2454 Ok, I get it. You can wake up now. 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2455 Aw, what a precious little puppy. He's so cute! 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2456 That’s a little too obedient, Sparky boy. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2457 No. I don't care if you are 15-0. 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2458 I told you not to call him a "pussy"! 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2459 Sure, "Lucky." After a pedicure and haircut, he'll become your new best friend! 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2460 Mrs Murray really should get her dog spayed 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2461 Lets cross the street. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2462 You're supposed to protect me, you know. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2463 You remember - it’s just Wolfe, the German Shepard from down The street. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2464 Wait here. I'll be right back. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2465 Guys, don’t run. Buddy is a very friendly little puppy 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2466 I told you not to bark 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2467 He won't hurt you. He's running for President. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2468 I told you it wasn't a good idea to howl at the moon. But would you listen? Of course not. You're just like Linda. 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2469 This is what happens when you stop being a ‘good boy’. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2470 Never meet your heroes 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2471 Not another word about Beowulf and the truth of myth! 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2472 It's supposed to be a solar eclipse today. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2473 Stay calm, it's just Donny in his true personality suit. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2474 Stand, Murphy. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2475 Just another media hoax that will be gone by the next news cycle. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2476 This is what happens when you eat my favorite shoes. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2477 Whatever you do, don't sniff his butt! 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2478 And that’s what happens to dogs who don’t obey their master. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2479 This is exactly why you get only non-GMO kibble! 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2480 '' STAY FRED ! Do not attack! 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2481 This is what dog owners become when their dogs don't behave. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2482 Don't worship false dogs. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2483 It's just a sculpture 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2484 Piper, now’s the time to show me what a good guard dog you are! 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2485 I guess you really don’t have to go potty. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2486 See? Bad posture. 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2487 I told you not to lift your leg on Mr. Mitchell's prized Japanese Maple. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2488 I feel like it's your turn to do the whole rescue thing. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2489 No, the Loch Ness monster has smaller ears. 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2490 Kill, Coco, Kill 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2491 I just wish people would obey the leash law. 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2492 I'm gonna go dive in this lake and hope it can't swim, wanna come? 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2493 I know your feelings are hurt, but we are in the age of diverse emotional support pets" 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2494 They call him Mr. Pretty, and he likes to take puppies for bedtime walks. 1.2114 0.03873 123 98 24 1
2495 Sorry, Skippy. I didn’t know the mystery island getaway that I won was to Three Mile Island. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2496 I love my pal but I should have brought a husky. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2497 This is your friend that reminds you of me? 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2498 I thought you were joking when you said "hey look the big bad wolf"! 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2499 This is your lover, boy? 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2500 I wouldn’t bark at this one I don’t think. 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
2501 Ok, I’ll let you run free with him for a bit, but no biting. 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2502 Meet your uncle Fudd. He likes to beat his feet in the Mississippi mud. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2503 This is why I wanted to neuter you. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2504 Milo, apologize and tell him you will stop bullying him at school 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2505 I bet you can become friends, just go sniff his butt. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2506 So? Where’s that fear aggression now? 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2507 I don’t care what Trump says. It’s a squirrel. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2508 That's just the mailman. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2509 Please don't shit yourself; I forgot the poop bags. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2510 I know Sparky, I hate cats too. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2511 Looks like this confirms your suspicions about her! 1.2114 0.04041 123 102 18 3
2512 Don't you even think about it! 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2513 Sweetheart, you’re not you when you’re hungry 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2514 Distant relative, right ? 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2515 Just don't wag your tail. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2516 This is no where to woof. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2517 You sniff his butt to distract him while I get the leash on. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2518 Sic ‘em Pumpkin 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2519 I’d rather he sniff your butt. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2520 I am your father,Luke 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2521 Sic him, Wolf. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2522 We talked about this. You're a dog now, not a puppy. There is no Santa Claus There is no Easter Bunny, and There are no such things as ghosts 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2523 Don't be shy, Fido, that's just our neighbor Tim during his time of the month 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
2524 And this exhibit shows the urban werewolf, full moon phase. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2525 Hmmm..when was your last rabies vaccine? 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2526 Stay away from the werestrays. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
2527 Don't worry. He won't hurt us - he's running for office. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2528 I don't care if she is in heat. 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2529 Say hello to the friendly man. 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2530 Do something. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2531 That's really great boy. No really, the other doggies only find dead birds and old boots.But you Fido, you always up the ante." 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2532 No offence, but we really should have gone with the Rottweiler. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
2533 This has got to be the terror in the White House my dad is always talking about. I'm no human but I understand fear! 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2534 I guess I should have gotten a Rottweiler. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2535 Remember I taught you about David and Goliath? No I don't remember what happened to adavid 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
2536 He’ll be fine in the morning. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2537 Why should I be afraid? He's fake news. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
2538 Don’t worry — the President assures us that he could be a decent one. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2539 Why do you only change when you hear the doorbell? 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2540 He's only like this 3 nights a month. The rest of the time he's a morally conflicted existentialist! 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2541 And you wanted to go for a walk... 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2542 Sorry, the person who usually scares the crap out of you called in sick, so I had to hire someone from Congress. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
2543 Listen to me, it's not all glamour and moonlight! Every month I have to buy a new set of clothes because I forgot there was a full moon, the blood and gore ain't so hot either. Just listen to your Master and you'll be fine. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
2544 I bet this nightmare has a connection to AR15s, opioids, tariffs, losing health care, no retirement saving, increasing government debt, mass shootings, gutless congressmen, corporate egress ,narcissistic leaders and people who vote for them. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
2545 I should have named you David instead of Goliath. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2546 Napoleon, I've told you before-- stop projecting. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2547 I don’t care that she hasn’t shaved. It’s just that on her Hinge profile she looked way skinnier. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2548 Bark, George! 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2549 I know he doesn't look like Mr. Jones from next door, but I'm telling you he's just having an off night. 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
2550 Don't worry, Spike. Even spooky hell demons have a soft spot for puppies. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2551 Yes, based on your DNA results, this is your great-great-great-great-grandfather. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
2552 It's possible, Rufus, that the Moonlight Maniac isn't quite as mythical as we may have hoped. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2553 This is the anointed one? 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
2554 I don’t think he’s going to throw you a stick. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2555 'According to quantum physics, it's there or not there at the same time. Your choice. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
2556 ...and that's how big Miss Kitty thinks she is. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
2557 You stay here and do your growling thing while I sprint back to the car to consider other options. 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
2558 Did you come across those funny mushrooms again? 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
2559 You see what I mean ... this is what happens when you start to walk on two legs. 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
2560 Well, Spot, I’m thinking maybe we should turn around... 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
2561 Don’t bark. All it could do is eat us. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
2562 Don’t you feel like barking now? 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
2563 Be nice, let it sniff you. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
2564 Now you see what can happen when you cry wolf.. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
2565 Oh, you could probably take him with one paw tied behind . . . 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
2566 Ehh, I saw one online that was twice as big. 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
2567 This is precisely why I'm not a cat person! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
2568 Cousin? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
2569 Just bite him in the nuts, that should do it. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
2570 This is why I don't want you to bay at the moon too much. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
2571 Sometimes you just have to get back on the horse, my friend. 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
2572 Just remember, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog that matters. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
2573 Such great fun to chase the mailman everyday. Hope you’re happy, Ginger. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
2574 Say “woof” 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
2575 Find me a female on-line, you said. I want to breed, you said. It'll be quick and easy, you said. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
2576 Yeah, your brother didn’t think much about wearing his cone either. 1.2083 0.04718 120 101 13 6
2577 It's either heel, or heal. Your choice. 1.2083 0.04568 120 100 15 5
2578 Rex, don’t hurt him. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
2579 Next time you try to set me up with one of your friends, show me a picture first." 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
2580 If it’s brown, avert your eyes and lay down; if it’s black make yourself big and fight back...or is it the other way around? 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
2581 Don’t be such a pussy. 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
2582 Relax. He's just wagging the dog. 1.2080 0.03983 125 101 22 2
2583 Let this be a lesson. This is Wolfy, my last pet. He'll never crap on the living room carpet again. 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
2584 Think of it as my favorite wing tips. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2585 He doesn't like to be bothered, while he is doing his business. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2586 Larry, ATTACK! 1.2034 0.04593 118 99 14 5
2587 Sure you lead me right to this, but you hide when the waffle iron beeps. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2588 Are you up to it? 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2589 See how bold and confident he is? Maybe you can start by not hiding under the bed every time the doorbell rings. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2590 Go ahead big shot! Give me that same fierce bark you let out when the neighbor’s cat comes into our yard! 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2591 man's best friend...sure 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2592 Bite me. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2593 Now, can we go? 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2594 It’s just my Avatar. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2595 See what you've created by peeing on our neighbor's flowers! 1.2034 0.04593 118 99 14 5
2596 Next time you follow me! 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2597 Don't listen to him. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2598 Remember life before you were neutered? 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2599 In this situation, for example, barking wouldn't do much good. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2600 According to Fox News, we've nothing to worry about. So, just ignore him. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2601 DNA doesn’t lie. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2602 See, this is what happens when the neighbors let their cat outside during a full moon 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2603 Max, it's only an illusion. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2604 Don't show fear! 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2605 Who’s a good dog? 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2606 You still don’t have to go? 1.2034 0.03721 118 94 24 0
2607 This is your uncle Bert. 1.2034 0.04593 118 99 14 5
2608 Go say Hi. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2609 I warned you about online howling. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2610 Attack Fido! 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2611 Wanna’ play? 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2612 If you want to take him home, your the one that has to feed him. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2613 And that's what happens if you don't take your medicine. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2614 Sure am glad we listened to Bob Barker 1.2034 0.04898 118 101 10 7
2615 Pooch, I know I said I’d like to meet your alter ego, I just didn’t expect you to introduce him to me tonight! 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2616 Remember when I said we could do the house-training the easy way or the hard way 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2617 I see you brought lunch. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2618 What kind of bone did you bury here? 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2619 I suppose you want me to pay for your cousin's dog food this week? 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2620 Maybe go smell its butt? 1.2017 0.04859 119 102 10 7
2621 Herewolf 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
2622 Fake news and loser media would have you believe there's a monster about to pounce. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
2623 Heel, hound! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2624 Is it too much to ask? 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
2625 The show's over, let it go 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2626 Anyone you know, Fido? 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
2627 Climate change skeptics can be frightening but we’ll probably die from a nuclear accident. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2628 We're not in Yorba Linda anymore, Checkers. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2629 Nothing ? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
2630 No barks! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2631 Hope you brought bags this time. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
2632 Woof, woof, indeed! 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
2633 Be a nice monster and sit! 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
2634 Why don’t they ever look like they have photos online? 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2635 Promise me that you won't be like this when you're older... 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
2636 This is what I had in mind when we got you. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2637 Remember the conversation about table scraps? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2638 This is where you do that 'morphing into a grizzly bear' thing we talked about. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2639 I bet you will play dead now 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2640 Couldn’t you bark, at least? 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2641 If you insist on smelling its butt, don't come crying to me. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
2642 You dragged me here to see this??? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2643 It's Mittens our kitten, all grown up. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2644 It seems more social than the neighbor’s cat. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2645 Don’t be afraid, there’s a new anti-bullying ordinance. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2646 See what happens when you don't eat your vegetables? 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2647 It's more dog than man, so you deal with it. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2648 Yes, that’s how I feel towards the president. What’s it to you? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2649 They're not as scary as they look, and I've heard they eat their weight in ticks every day. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2650 He wants half of the $73 billion Americans spend on their pets each year and he will let you live. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2651 I don't suppose you've seen any lady monsters around here? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2652 How come your not scared ? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2653 Whuddya mean...we? 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
2654 See, it could have been worse. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2655 Can I change my mind about the cat? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2656 This is why we call mommy Alpha 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2657 Well this is embarrassing. Steven, meet my ex, Michael. Michael, Steven. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2658 Family reunions, am I right? 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
2659 Honey, that developer is back. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2660 Pee on my carpet again, and this is your new roommate 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2661 "Oh crap! He's asking for my vote." 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2662 You were the runt of the litter. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2663 You're supposed to be a therapy dog - get to work. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2664 Wildcrafted probiotics should come with a warning label 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2665 It's all right to bark if you want to. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2666 And that's what happens when you feed a gremlin after midnight 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2667 I bet his daddy forgot his leash.” 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2668 Yes, Mom's out of sorts before her morning swim. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2669 Eh, do you reckon his bark is worse than his bite? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2670 See, this is what happens with the premium dog food.. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2671 Do You Still want to "do your business" 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2672 No more walks after midnight. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2673 Why don’t you tell him you’re related to him? 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
2674 Another fine mess you've walked us into. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2675 Don't worry. We don't believe in these things any more. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2676 It's a new chewy 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2677 .. the difference is, my master doesn't take me on walkies. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2678 It's hard to give you up but you'll prefer it here upstate. 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
2679 You see? Domestication's not so bad now, is it? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2680 Wanna wait and see if he leaves anything for you? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2681 See... too much Science Diet CAN have adverse effects.” 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2682 Even Sasquatch has been emboldened by Washington rhetoric. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2683 OK, not more full moon walks. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
2684 Forgetting the poop scoop seems so prophetic yet de minimis right now" 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2685 He's just exhibiting fear aggression. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2686 It's a dog eat dog world. But don't worry, Daisy. That's not a dog. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2687 Believe me he's a push over. 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
2688 Why did you have to bite the mailman? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2689 Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2690 I suppose “fetch” is out of the question. 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
2691 This is really just some bro who's had too much moon. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2692 They never look as their online profile 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2693 Unlike you, I am sure he is potty trained. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2694 In retrospect, the bark collar was ill-conceived. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2695 No, we won't start referring to you as loupgar-Buddy. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2696 Meet your alter-ego, buddy. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2697 Don't raise a back leg and you'll be fine. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2698 Take him seriously, not literally. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2699 There are some things I’m just not willing to bark at. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2700 Remember. Stay off ancestry.com. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2701 It’s not the size of the d- oh who am I kidding! 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2702 I told you not to marry a dog who never let you see her without her make-up... 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2703 Wonder what kibble he's eating? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2704 I suppose you'd like to smell his crotch. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2705 Welp, here is the Devil you know. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2706 I don't think he wants to play fetch. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2707 I think I need a bigger dog. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2708 This is the new playmate you wanted me to meet? 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2709 No, the book said 'descended from wolves' not from Beowulf. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2710 Don't worry, my wife isn't always like this. It's just that time of the month. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2711 This time it is the size of the dog in the fight. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2712 No, I don't think it wants to sniff. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2713 This is why I keep you on a leash. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2714 Not your Mother’s walkies, is it? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2715 Ariel, stop your conjuring and give Caliban a rest. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2716 On the bright side, I bet his butt smells out of this world... 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2717 Now we know what happens to doggies who don’t learn to sit. 1.2000 0.04314 115 97 14 4
2718 Don't worry. He is all bark Yayo Antioch, CA. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2719 Sorry, Max...I'm afraid I don't know why they didn't keep him on a leash 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2720 This is what you could’ve been like if I hadn’t raised you. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2721 See! That’s how I found you in the pound. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2722 Okay,Spot,I'll just mosey over to those trees. Let me know if you need any help. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2723 You picked a hell of a time to get over your excessive barking issue, Rufus. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2724 Dont worry, I'm just here for David Koch's eternal soul.... 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2725 Why aren’t you barking now? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2726 To be fair, for the rest of the month he's vegan. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2727 This is my wife, Cheryl. She's a lunatic. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2728 And, no, Fido, you can't pee here. 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
2729 This guy is scared of dogs. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2730 I'm guessing it wouldn't do any good to turn loose the hounds. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2731 He's looking for a lost lab. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2732 You see? This is why we don't get you that "Call of the Wild" food. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2733 I don't care how closely related you are we're not adopting him. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2734 We're gonna need a bigger poop bag! 1.2000 0.03853 120 97 22 1
2735 That was me before I met you. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2736 You evolved from him. Protect me! 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2737 This is the girl you wanted me to meet?? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2738 And if you fail obedience school, here's who will be teaching your remedial class. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2739 See? This is what would happen if I put the regular canned pumpkin in your food instead of the organic- his coat looks a bit patchy. 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
2740 Remember, once you sniff the big dog's butt, it's time to go. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2741 Quit whimpering! Growl back and scare it off! 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2742 DNA testing indicates he's an ancestor for both of us. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2743 Why are you always barking at things that aren't there? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2744 Rex, meet my other best friend. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2745 This is what happens when you eat your poop 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
2746 You see that, Milo? That's why we give you non-gmo treats. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2747 That's what happens when you scare the postman 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2748 Now I KNOW I’m not in Kansas anymore. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2749 Do you think what i think? 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2750 You’re the one who wanted that DNA test 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2751 Com'on already. Do you feel like it now? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2752 He’s got a point — we’ve passed up a lot of good picnic rocks and this one seems fine. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2753 It's okay Rover. I've checked your DNA and he's an ancestor. 1.2000 0.03746 115 92 23 0
2754 If you STILL won't poop, there's nothing more I can do for you. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
2755 Well, if it's meat, I'll trade you for two tennis balls and a frisbee. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2756 See, he’s just moonlighting. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2757 Yeah, this is why I don't like going outside. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2758 Excuse me,sir, do you