Contest #665


Cartoon

665

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “How about some help carrying the groceries?”
  2. “Once I gave him a name I didn’t have the heart to eat him.”
  3. “Well, that's embarrassing. How long has it been there?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-06-02T21:25:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-06-23T21:27:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-06-17T21:25:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued June 24, 2019
Number of captions 6315
Number of responses 1501739
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Lunch is on me. 2.5183 0.00409 25200 2183 7784 15232
1 Dinner's on ME. 2.2585 0.00534 19463 3538 7356 8565
2 Dinner’s on me tonight. 2.1747 0.00632 14294 3045 5707 5542
3 He’s telling his friends it’s not deep. So be patient. 2.1645 0.00562 19271 4575 6960 7735
4 I didn't know what you were serving, so I brought white. 2.0975 0.00638 15916 4490 5398 6028
5 Fresh? Sir, I assure you these were walking on land this morning. 2.0654 0.00675 13820 3925 5066 4829
6 A back massage and then dinner. What's not to like? 2.0404 0.00600 17205 5019 6483 5701
7 It’s like a good wine. You let it breathe before consuming it. 2.0217 0.00647 14856 4462 5612 4782
8 I brought dinner. 2.0124 0.00606 15752 4484 6597 4670
9 It's carryout. 1.9885 0.00678 13073 4007 5209 3857
10 Off Coney Island. There's thousands of them. 1.9805 0.00712 11921 3719 4715 3487
11 I’m letting him sunburn a bit more, I prefer extra crispy. 1.9802 0.00654 14157 4455 5536 4166
12 Once I gave him a name I didn’t have the heart to eat him. 1.9516 0.00693 12651 4178 4912 3561
13 Eat a guy and you'll be full. Use him as bait and we'll all be full. 1.9483 0.00694 13229 4583 4750 3896
14 I got us a politician. There is no backbone ! 1.9447 0.01016 6732 2533 2038 2161
15 I used to feel sorry for them, but this one is wearing a MAGA hat. 1.9346 0.00851 9890 3883 2771 3236
16 I swear, it is like the universe does not want me to stay vegan. 1.9323 0.00805 9717 3411 3553 2753
17 Lucky for him this is the last thing on his bucket list. 1.9239 0.00729 11759 4194 4277 3285
18 You want the other half? 1.8955 0.00780 9927 3568 3828 2531
19 It's part of this whole shore-to-table thing. 1.8952 0.01048 5651 2079 2085 1487
20 He has a name, Dad. It's Greg. And I love him. 1.8950 0.00813 10094 3975 3214 2905
21 When I get hungry, or he realizes I'm not a dolphin, whichever comes first! 1.8942 0.00902 7436 2682 2859 1895
22 And I suppose you've never played with your food. 1.8617 0.00778 9557 3520 3838 2197
23 He’s paying an arm and a leg for the ride. 1.8537 0.00885 7956 3145 2830 1981
24 He' s my emotional support animal. 1.8518 0.00808 9738 3957 3278 2501
25 If you liked our food delivery service, please give me 5 stars. 1.8496 0.00781 10017 3975 3593 2448
26 My treat. 1.8466 0.01595 2340 903 893 544
27 I was told we had to bring our own lunch. 1.8284 0.00734 10222 3867 4251 2103
28 So we each grab a leg and make a wish. 1.8279 0.00994 6503 2746 2130 1627
29 How did these things ever make it to the top of the food chain? 1.8074 0.01408 3183 1369 1058 756
30 Professional courtesy....he’s a lawyer. 1.8037 0.00838 9139 4016 2903 2218
31 I'm letting him take one last selfie. 1.8008 0.00818 8829 3671 3250 1908
32 Jump up and yell, 'I'm that goldfish you flushed!' And then we'll eat him." 1.7975 0.01035 6137 2764 1850 1522
33 Yes, I KNOW I'm holding up dinner. 1.7816 0.00971 6428 2804 2224 1400
34 Last time I ate one this stupid, I was sick for a week. 1.7801 0.00824 9028 3997 3026 2004
35 He's never seen the movie 1.7695 0.00976 6170 2687 2218 1265
36 Well, that's embarrassing. How long has it been there? 1.7610 0.01046 5565 2517 1861 1187
37 Seems only fair , I ate his surfboard. 1.7504 0.01113 4591 2021 1695 875
38 This is why they think most shark attacks occur in only three feet of water. 1.7490 0.01073 5176 2363 1752 1061
39 You go ahead, Frank. SPF 30 gives me heartburn. 1.7482 0.01057 5007 2205 1864 938
40 ‘Hold off a bit. He’s bragging about being “king of the sandbar” to four guys in backwards ball caps.’ 1.7434 0.00955 6438 2945 2207 1286
41 Another Darwin Award winner. 1.7245 0.01161 4625 2255 1389 981
42 Found him in the shallow end of gene pool. 1.7210 0.01190 4408 2162 1314 932
43 He’s locally sourced, and most importantly, cage free! 1.7207 0.01476 2764 1333 874 557
44 Soon, he won't have a leg to stand on. 1.7193 0.00872 7803 3730 2538 1535
45 I just can’t do it without the theme music.” 1.7053 0.01141 4344 2056 1512 776
46 Remember when Mom read us that story about how the fox tricked the Gingerbread Man and you said nobody could be that stupid? 1.7025 0.01377 3045 1467 1017 561
47 When I go low, you go high. 1.7003 0.01605 2272 1107 739 426
48 Just be patient. He’s calling his friends. 1.6990 0.00994 5442 2537 2009 896
49 Oh, did you want me to pick up something for you, too? 1.6816 0.00897 6577 3131 2413 1033
50 I love a well-balanced meal, don't you? 1.6710 0.01128 4413 2211 1446 756
51 Let's wait another sec, . . . he still thinks he's on his buddy's shoulders. 1.6679 0.03200 542 270 182 90
52 Your order is ready, sir... 1.6678 0.01919 1466 720 513 233
53 Luckily the dumb ones taste just as good. 1.6656 0.01195 3881 1947 1287 647
54 First, I gain their trust. 1.6638 0.01085 4515 2214 1605 696
55 Trust me. This makes it easier to get all the others into the water. 1.6632 0.01088 4412 2146 1606 660
56 He still thinks I'm Flipper. 1.6577 0.02035 1370 703 433 234
57 Hey, Sam, I’d like you to meet my chum. 1.6561 0.01084 4926 2585 1459 882
58 On one hand, we have a reputation to uphold. On the other hand, this shiatsu foot massage really feels good. 1.6543 0.01547 2181 1076 783 322
59 Do you want to see what a big surprise looks like? 1.6466 0.02307 1061 553 330 178
60 The guy at the bait shop said this could get us a couple lifeguards. 1.6407 0.01467 2622 1393 787 442
61 To be honest, I'm thinking of giving up this Uber thing. 1.6321 0.01606 2207 1183 653 371
62 How about some help carrying the groceries? 1.6273 0.01172 3823 1987 1275 560
63 He ain’t heavy, he’s my breakfast. 1.6272 0.01783 1835 1007 506 322
64 I ordered him sunny side up. 1.6263 0.01740 1817 966 564 287
65 Fine, but walking him is your responsibility. 1.6239 0.01442 2587 1365 830 392
66 Watch this. I'm going to flip it up and catch it in my mouth. 1.6166 0.01248 3461 1850 1088 523
67 When he says "Marco," they all say "Polo,' and then we eat. 1.6083 0.01605 2211 1232 613 366
68 He thinks I'm Flipper, who's Flipper? 1.6072 0.01199 3887 2150 1114 623
69 I found this mannequin in some ocean trash. It allows me to get closer to shore without alarming my lunch. 1.5966 0.02604 813 454 233 126
70 I still don't see why the dolphins get such a kick out of this. 1.5923 0.01521 2168 1166 720 282
71 Isn't it time we told him he's adopted? 1.5921 0.01463 2618 1496 702 420
72 Let’s split the Bill 1.5900 0.01302 3107 1719 944 444
73 So much for them having a bigger brain. 1.5836 0.01397 2733 1534 803 396
74 Guess who's coming to dinner? 1.5822 0.02692 742 419 214 109
75 Excuse me. Do you have any Grey Poupon? 1.5807 0.01520 2368 1352 657 359
76 One on the fin is worth two on the beach. 1.5794 0.01907 1410 785 434 191
77 Ability to delay gratification correlates with higher SAT scores and greater success later in life. 1.5790 0.01917 1430 803 426 201
78 Are you the one who ordered takeout? 1.5786 0.01273 2983 1614 1012 357
79 Shhh! He's looking out for sharks. 1.5785 0.01454 2420 1346 749 325
80 I’m a certified support animal. 1.5769 0.02205 1106 630 314 162
81 OK, you call it - Heads or Tails? 1.5755 0.01375 2770 1570 809 391
82 You're more likely to be struck by lightning than be stepped on by a human. 1.5753 0.01606 2119 1220 579 320
83 Professional courtesy. Personal injury lawyer. 1.5741 0.02377 951 544 268 139
84 I raise my own. It’s the only way to know they’re organic. 1.5740 0.01441 2500 1413 741 346
85 Can we keep him, Mom? Please? 1.5739 0.01475 2347 1312 723 312
86 This one's a decoy. We get the real ones when they come out to rescue it. 1.5729 0.01745 1700 958 510 232
87 Shhh...he thinks I'm a dolphin. 1.5724 0.01262 3024 1665 991 367
88 I would have eaten him, but I'm finally getting WiFi. 1.5723 0.01431 2593 1480 742 371
89 It's from that new take-out place under the pier. 1.5710 0.01719 1725 968 529 228
90 Want the other half? 1.5686 0.03821 357 203 105 49
91 Shall we just split an order? 1.5675 0.01387 2520 1391 828 301
92 I thought he was a seal, he thought I was a surf board. 1.5672 0.01412 2530 1422 781 327
93 It's Hilarious. He thinks I'm a dolphin. 1.5659 0.01438 2405 1346 757 302
94 It seems rude to interrupt while he’s on the phone. 1.5649 0.01662 1880 1075 548 257
95 I just think it's a bad idea to eat something this stupid. 1.5627 0.01516 2257 1302 643 312
96 It's Donald. We don't eat our own. 1.5611 0.02321 1080 655 244 181
97 Definitely a keeper! I'd guess about a 180 pounder. 1.5549 0.01761 1631 937 483 211
98 If he's gonna have kids as smart as he is, it makes more sense to release him. 1.5540 0.01820 1583 925 439 219
99 I ordered wings but they gave me legs instead. 1.5471 0.01761 1656 970 466 220
100 Heard it’s Trump ... we could become hero’s! 1.5404 0.01925 1558 972 330 256
101 I can't go anywhere without a snack 1.5390 0.01944 1245 712 395 138
102 I'm going to be on the evening news. 1.5378 0.01683 1748 1023 510 215
103 wait till he finds out I'm not his surf board. 1.5363 0.01698 1667 976 492 199
104 I'm seventy years old and I'll play with my food if I want to. 1.5349 0.01818 1535 912 425 198
105 I brought you a snack. 1.5343 0.02864 627 375 169 83
106 He had a standing reservation for dinner. 1.5320 0.01864 1483 891 395 197
107 The weirdest part is that the water above me keeps randomly getting warm 1.5310 0.02013 1324 811 323 190
108 I decided to go with carry out. 1.5292 0.01698 1591 923 497 171
109 We have a deal. He tells everyone else it’s safe and I don’t eat him. 1.5272 0.02191 994 588 289 116
110 I’m trying to eat a more balanced diet. 1.5270 0.01830 1410 824 429 157
111 No thanks. I brought my lunch. 1.5245 0.02091 1083 636 326 121
112 It's a new ridesharing company I started. I call it Scuber." 1.5228 0.02020 1251 760 328 163
113 Yeah it's a Great White 1.5219 0.02640 709 428 193 88
114 Millennials act so entitled. 1.5209 0.01931 1363 829 358 176
115 Of all my anger management exercises, this one is the most difficult 1.5169 0.01999 1184 704 348 132
116 I read that its best to let meat rest before consuming it. 1.5157 0.02115 1049 623 311 115
117 He's my therapy human. 1.5153 0.02062 1176 717 312 147
118 Of course I’ll eat him, but in the meantime I just love the foot massage. 1.5136 0.01956 1217 723 363 131
119 Sometimes it's just too easy. 1.5135 0.02012 1221 743 329 149
120 Honey, I brought dinner! 1.5131 0.01948 1218 727 359 131
121 He’s a rescue. 1.5112 0.02039 1115 664 332 119
122 Did you already eat yours? 1.5098 0.02062 1124 679 317 128
123 I am the fin beneath his things. 1.5092 0.02478 874 554 195 125
124 Don’t bite.My back has never felt so good. 1.5072 0.02010 1116 662 342 112
125 I liked it better when they were afraid of us. 1.5062 0.02251 883 523 273 87
126 I work for UberEats now. 1.5042 0.02120 1069 653 293 123
127 This one’s on me. 1.5038 0.02126 1048 637 294 117
128 He's a loan shark-it's a professional courtesy." 1.5005 0.02195 1015 628 266 121
129 I accidentally looked up his trunks... totally lost my appetite. 1.5000 0.02754 700 448 154 98
130 I thought we'd get take out and watch a movie. 1.4974 0.02481 770 473 211 86
131 I wish I had a blowhole. 1.4968 0.02502 789 493 200 96
132 He’s only just temporarily on top of the food chain. 1.4964 0.02225 963 594 260 109
133 Yes, I could dive, but I think surfacing would be more interesting. 1.4955 0.02251 886 535 263 88
134 Another 20 minutes and he’ll be medium rare. 1.4953 0.02169 955 577 283 95
135 Don't say anything, he just told all his friends that he's tall enough to reach the bottom. 1.4947 0.02119 936 560 292 84
136 'It takes a lot of self control, but I am getting a great massage.' 1.4931 0.03522 361 221 103 37
137 I love the look in their eyes when they realize they're not standing on the bottom. 1.4928 0.02402 828 514 220 94
138 It is the final exam for self control and anger management class 1.4919 0.02505 801 508 192 101
139 Let him get his damn selfie first. 1.4902 0.03161 457 280 130 47
140 It's professional courtesy, he's a lawyer. 1.4893 0.02547 746 468 191 87
141 Why does the President always have to rely on us to keep him afloat? 1.4875 0.02750 681 439 152 90
142 I'm trying to eat a balanced diet 1.4874 0.02218 874 539 249 86
143 Why? What do you use as bait? 1.4866 0.03253 448 280 118 50
144 One lousy surfer and I get sixteen weeks of community service. 1.4866 0.02417 818 513 212 93
145 The doc said I needed a balanced diet. 1.4865 0.02342 851 529 230 92
146 I'm going to let him marinate for another 20 minutes. 1.4858 0.02587 669 410 193 66
147 I’m making a fortune carrying them into U.S. waters. 1.4856 0.02444 836 534 198 104
148 Shhh. This guy thinks I'm a service animal. 1.4851 0.02384 839 527 217 95
149 I know. But he removed a thorn from my fin”. 1.4850 0.02388 802 496 223 83
150 He's just a decoy. 1.4844 0.02338 832 514 233 85
151 Should we do lunch now or save it for dinner? 1.4843 0.02260 830 500 258 72
152 Don’t worry he’s armless 1.4839 0.02588 713 449 183 81
153 He's trying to get a signal. 1.4829 0.02417 818 516 209 93
154 I'm headed to the potluck 1.4828 0.02424 787 493 209 85
155 Millennials...am I right? 1.4826 0.02398 806 503 217 86
156 I call it “ Surf and Turf” 1.4823 0.02431 817 518 204 95
157 First, we were overfished and now we're support animals? I don't get it. 1.4821 0.02414 784 487 216 81
158 You know, it wouldn't kill you to help me carry the groceries. 1.4809 0.02573 680 421 191 68
159 Probably not a stable genius. 1.4792 0.02625 745 486 161 98
160 Feels so good I hate to eat him. 1.4785 0.02400 790 493 216 81
161 You smell fear? All I can smell is feet. 1.4780 0.02468 772 488 199 85
162 This guy thinks he walks on water. 1.4779 0.02471 747 467 203 77
163 He was drowning. I'm just keeping him fresh until I get hungry. 1.4779 0.02486 747 469 199 79
164 Are you a leg or a breast man? 1.4775 0.02560 712 449 186 77
165 I told him I’d give him a lift if he debunked shark attacks as Fake News. 1.4766 0.03048 535 346 123 66
166 Just wait till he does another hand stand. 1.4762 0.02450 756 473 206 77
167 Something is in the water. Oh my god, it just touched me! 1.4759 0.02816 601 383 150 68
168 I can't do that. He's a lawyer. He's one of our own. 1.4738 0.02609 743 486 162 95
169 I can’t do anything without the soundtrack. 1.4731 0.02480 725 453 201 71
170 He’s all yours. I can’t stomach another old white male. 1.4728 0.02776 624 401 151 72
171 We'll eat him right after my back massage. 1.4703 0.02658 606 375 177 54
172 It’s a professional courtesy. He’s a corporate lawyer. 1.4666 0.02754 658 433 143 82
173 Heads he's yours. Tails he's mine. 1.4659 0.03419 410 266 97 47
174 I just get more done if I bring my lunch to work. 1.4654 0.02545 651 403 191 56
175 I REALLY hate Lent! 1.4654 0.02718 664 435 149 80
176 Shall we each grab a leg and make a wish? 1.4653 0.02699 662 431 154 77
177 My ex got the top half. 1.4650 0.02604 671 428 174 69
178 I’ve switched to live bait. 1.4644 0.04466 239 155 57 27
179 Takeout is on me tonight. 1.4642 0.02598 670 427 175 68
180 You were right about President Trump, he really is the dumbest thing on land or water. 1.4637 0.02790 662 443 131 88
181 I'll split him with you. 1.4634 0.02669 669 435 158 76
182 I think he said "Hey guys, I found the sand bar!" 1.4629 0.02573 620 383 187 50
183 Ok, let's go over this again... I hit the brakes, then you open your mouth. 1.4628 0.02639 631 399 172 60
184 I'm transitioning to porpoise, if you must know. 1.4627 0.02801 616 403 141 72
185 You ordered a 160 pounder, no fins, no wet suit? 1.4626 0.02671 642 412 163 67
186 It's a decoy. 1.4613 0.02668 646 416 162 68
187 He thinks he's standing on a sand bar. I'm waiting for his wife. 1.4612 0.02732 631 410 151 70
188 White meat is dry and flavorless, but there's no alternative on Nantucket. 1.4610 0.02730 629 408 152 69
189 I know we said we weren't exchanging gifts this year, but I couldn't resist. 1.4609 0.02660 627 399 167 61
190 It's win win. He gets a free ride, I get a free lunch. 1.4609 0.02675 627 403 160 64
191 The invitation said to bring your own lunch 1.4601 0.02565 626 389 186 51
192 Too bad today is Catch and Release 1.4598 0.02685 622 398 162 62
193 New gig with Uber Eats. 1.4597 0.02739 620 402 151 67
194 They're all over the place. Go get your own. 1.4585 0.02692 591 373 165 53
195 Beginning to have second thoughts on the Uber gig. 1.4582 0.02733 622 404 151 67
196 Sometimes being a vegetarian is difficult 1.4565 0.02701 598 381 161 56
197 Don't say a word. I'm trying not to laugh. 1.4560 0.02907 546 355 133 58
198 Go ahead they taste like chicken. 1.4554 0.03316 415 269 103 43
199 Grubhub. 1.4554 0.04810 224 152 42 30
200 They call him the shark whisperer. 1.4549 0.02857 565 368 137 60
201 Since when don't you like Italian? 1.4547 0.02873 530 339 141 50
202 I like to play with them a little beforehand. Don't tell Mom. 1.4539 0.02549 608 389 167 51
203 You said you wanted fresh. I'm bringing you fresh. 1.4538 0.02650 617 394 166 57
204 He said he'd introduce me to his fat uncle. 1.4536 0.02830 560 362 142 56
205 They're like muffins. The top half is delicious. 1.4532 0.02799 556 356 148 52
206 I can’t, he’s a client. 1.4521 0.02674 606 388 162 56
207 I identify as a Dolphin. 1.4521 0.02744 606 395 148 63
208 It’s a comfort human. 1.4521 0.02724 606 393 152 61
209 Do I have food on my face? 1.4507 0.03630 375 252 77 46
210 The most embarrassing part is he keeps calling me "Flipper". 1.4496 0.02866 565 372 132 61
211 It’s times like these that I regret going vegan. 1.4494 0.02852 563 369 135 59
212 No, go ahead, you tell him 1.4494 0.02715 563 357 159 47
213 I’m seconds away from nipping this wildlife tourism trend in the bud. 1.4494 0.02796 563 364 145 54
214 It started as a joke, but now I'm sorta invested. 1.4493 0.02824 552 357 142 53
215 Here's your order. 1.4490 0.02688 588 376 160 52
216 I dunno--I heard the guy say, "Less crowded than Everest and twice as safe." 1.4486 0.02629 593 375 170 48
217 He's a lawyer. Professional courtesy. 1.4469 0.02807 584 385 137 62
218 My wife said to bring someone home for dinner. 1.4469 0.02722 584 377 153 54
219 Here's your take-out. That'll be 20 clams. 1.4469 0.02690 584 374 159 51
220 I know it’s a false sense of security, but the meat is more tender when they’re relaxed. 1.4458 0.02721 581 375 153 53
221 It's called Great White Privilege. 1.4446 0.02850 569 377 131 61
222 Say hello to my little chum. 1.4426 0.02831 540 351 139 50
223 I’ll wait until he finishes waving at his wife. 1.4424 0.02842 556 366 134 56
224 So who's on top of the food chain? 1.4424 0.02807 556 363 140 53
225 I'm not hungry right now, but it's like packing a lunch for later. 1.4422 0.02689 545 344 161 40
226 When eating out got so expensive I started packing my lunch. 1.4422 0.02751 545 349 151 45
227 I feel like a metaphor for the Mueller report. 1.4420 0.03513 362 238 88 36
228 Of course this happens the week I go vegan 1.4419 0.03023 525 354 110 61
229 Go away, you already had your half ... 1.4417 0.02721 557 357 154 46
230 On three? 1.4408 0.02782 515 344 126 45
231 I like the top a little crispy. 1.4405 0.02788 538 351 139 48
232 I brought take out. 1.4404 0.02917 545 364 122 59
233 Man, this Swim With The Dolphins racket is great -- look what I got! 1.4401 0.02819 543 354 139 50
234 I thought you said I was supposed to bring lunch. 1.4397 0.02772 514 326 150 38
235 The kids wanted takeout again. 1.4394 0.02458 528 355 130 43
236 He's my comfort human, Larry 1.4389 0.03035 499 333 113 53
237 That's Donald Trump - much, much scarier than showing my dorsal fin above the water. 1.4382 0.03409 445 310 75 60
238 He's keeping an eye out for sharks 1.4382 0.02876 534 352 130 52
239 He's my chiropractor. 1.4381 0.02810 525 339 142 44
240 Suppers on me! 1.4380 0.02872 532 350 131 51
241 The worst part is, I just ate. 1.4380 0.03333 411 274 94 43
242 I am trying to make him feel what it’s like to be endangered.” 1.4379 0.03595 338 222 84 32
243 Trust me, it'll be funnier AFTER he realizes... 1.4379 0.03591 354 236 81 37
244 I'm sick of white meat. YOU eat it! 1.4378 0.02972 498 328 122 48
245 I'm gonna give this Uber thing another week. 1.4368 0.02917 506 334 124 48
246 All I know is the sciatica in my caudal fin is gone completely. 1.4357 0.02876 521 342 131 48
247 Don't show your fin! He thinks he's riding a dolphin! 1.4357 0.02837 521 339 137 45
248 Do you have any grey poupon? 1.4355 0.02884 519 341 130 48
249 People keep coming to try and rescue him. I swear, I've never eaten so good in my life. 1.4353 0.02853 510 331 136 43
250 Hey, Frank, dinner’s on me, today. 1.4348 0.03028 506 341 110 55
251 My mom finally said I could have a pet - he's a rescue. 1.4348 0.02943 506 337 119 50
252 Let's wait until he's finished waving to his kids. 1.4347 0.02908 513 338 127 48
253 Let one swimmer go and they walk all over you! 1.4347 0.02945 467 301 129 37
254 The water taxi costs an arm and a leg. I said I'd charge just an arm. 1.4339 0.02903 514 339 127 48
255 First, you have to give them a false sense of security. 1.4339 0.02810 514 332 141 41
256 In about one minute, he won't have a leg to stand on. 1.4338 0.04180 272 185 56 31
257 If you don’t attack first, they think they can just walk all over you. 1.4333 0.04203 270 184 55 31
258 Let him finish taking his selfie. 1.4325 0.02997 504 338 114 52
259 Let's humor him until his wife and kids arrive. 1.4325 0.02917 504 332 126 46
260 Turns out, you can play with your food and eat it too. 1.4325 0.02849 504 327 136 41
261 You try it ,the last one I ate tasted just like chicken. 1.4325 0.02876 504 329 132 43
262 Wait 'til he finds out I'm not a dolphin. 1.4325 0.02971 504 336 118 50
263 I’m letting him marinate 1.4321 0.03042 449 293 118 38
264 Like I told you, Karen, men will walk all over you if you let them. 1.4320 0.02947 500 331 122 47
265 You take the left leg and we’ll make a wish. 1.4318 0.03003 484 321 117 46
266 Thigh or drumstick? 1.4318 0.02916 484 315 129 40
267 It started off as a wart 1.4316 0.03556 373 254 77 42
268 I don’t know, I think he said his name was Spielberg and I owe him big time.... 1.4316 0.03120 468 315 104 49
269 ...and we'll have these waters to ourselves for the rest of the summer. 1.4315 0.03026 482 321 114 47
270 Oh, like you could say no to Sir David Attenborough. 1.4309 0.02983 485 321 119 45
271 He ain't heavy, he's my lunch. 1.4307 0.03049 469 314 109 46
272 Once you get past the temptation, it's actually really good for your core. 1.4302 0.04089 265 177 62 26
273 I told him I'm a dolphin. 1.4292 0.02994 452 294 122 36
274 What is it you're not supposed to do, 30 minutes after eating a swimmer? 1.4292 0.02932 480 314 126 40
275 Ooh gross, get it off!! Where is it? 1.4289 0.02987 464 304 121 39
276 And just like that, goodbye sciatica. 1.4289 0.02910 485 317 128 40
277 Tastes like chicken. 1.4276 0.03037 463 307 114 42
278 They are all so confident when their head is above water. 1.4274 0.02921 468 304 128 36
279 Well, if I had known your sister was joining us, I would have brought home more than just the drumsticks. 1.4257 0.02980 451 294 122 35
280 It's my emotional support human. 1.4255 0.03051 463 309 111 43
281 Met him at Montauk. Twenty bucks to take him to Sag Harbor ain't bad. 1.4255 0.02862 463 297 135 31
282 Dad said he could clear a whole beach in the mid-70s 1.4252 0.03660 341 232 73 36
283 Oh, it's Human Week. 1.4252 0.03091 461 310 106 45
284 I’m never sure of what to bring to potlucks. 1.4252 0.03152 461 314 98 49
285 What can I say, he’s a lawyer. He’s one of us. 1.4248 0.02892 452 320 84 48
286 Now I have athlete's fin 1.4246 0.03016 464 308 115 41
287 Tell the kids, dinner's ready 1.4246 0.02969 464 305 121 38
288 Revenge is a dish best served live. 1.4223 0.03109 431 286 108 37
289 Have at him. I gave up men for lent. 1.4223 0.03039 431 282 116 33
290 What is it? Get if off me! Get it off! 1.4220 0.03041 455 303 112 40
291 You know what they say..."eat a man and you have lunch, use one as bait and you'll feast forever" 1.4220 0.02976 455 299 120 36
292 I met him online. 1.4220 0.03072 455 305 108 42
293 Don't ask. 1.4218 0.03442 377 256 83 38
294 I was going to let him finish his text. 1.4216 0.03034 453 301 113 39
295 We're pool sharks..live with it. 1.4213 0.03139 451 306 100 45
296 You know that trick where the dog flips a treat up off his nose and then eats it? 1.4212 0.02959 444 297 111 36
297 Sure, but when one of us mistakes a surfboard for a seal, all hell breaks loose. 1.4207 0.03743 309 208 72 29
298 Bait. I’m trolling for one of the really fat, juicy ones. 1.4206 0.03013 447 295 116 36
299 I told you I was bringing the entree! 1.4206 0.02945 447 291 124 32
300 Why don't YOU ever bring dinner? 1.4202 0.03185 445 304 95 46
301 Jump the shark? No, but he did stick the landing. 1.4202 0.03047 445 298 108 39
302 Are you gonna tell him? Or should I? 1.4201 0.03329 407 278 87 42
303 No, when you're a shark, you're not necessarily a shark all the way. 1.4190 0.03204 432 294 95 43
304 Why don’t you bring a sea weed salad or bottle of red wine. 1.4186 0.03095 430 290 102 38
305 Gives a whole new meaning to "stupid" doesn't it? 1.4178 0.03204 438 300 93 45
306 Wanna grab a bite? 1.4171 0.03003 434 285 117 32
307 I'd eat him, but he's doing wonders for my back. 1.4167 0.03013 432 284 116 32
308 This has been a bad week, one Fitbit, two tires and now a stand up comedian. 1.4167 0.03248 408 276 94 38
309 I don't mind. He's waving a 'Save the Sharks' poster. 1.4165 0.03137 389 254 108 27
310 Because he's a card shark, and I owe him a fin." 1.4164 0.03696 353 248 63 42
311 AH! What is it? Where is it? Get it off! 1.4164 0.04006 281 193 59 29
312 Let's let him wave frantically to shore for another minute or two. 1.4163 0.03128 430 289 103 38
313 The odds of this occurring are roughly the same as getting struck by lightning. 1.4162 0.03414 358 240 87 31
314 I feel like a Golden Retriever with a Cheerio on its nose. 1.4161 0.02897 423 293 93 37
315 Imagine how he'll spin this for his college essay. 1.4159 0.02816 428 283 117 28
316 He thinks they're swimming with dolphins. 1.4159 0.03190 428 291 96 41
317 The trick is to brine just the bottom half 1.4159 0.03050 428 283 112 33
318 Uber Eats delivery for you 1.4159 0.03224 428 293 92 43
319 Hurry, go get the camera. 1.4159 0.03050 428 283 112 33
320 I thought he'd realize his mistake and jump off, but it's been three hours and now it seems too awkward to say anything. 1.4159 0.03085 428 285 108 35
321 We Canadian sharks are just too polite. 1.4159 0.03138 428 288 102 38
322 This is NOT how He walked on water. 1.4159 0.03190 428 291 96 41
323 I tried goat yoga. This is better. 1.4159 0.03155 428 289 100 39
324 Sorry I'm late. But I brought lunch. 1.4159 0.03085 428 285 108 35
325 I'm on my way to a potluck. 1.4157 0.02766 421 275 122 24
326 I'm saving him for later. 1.4155 0.03059 426 282 111 33
327 Ok, I am going to flip him". Heads or Tails 1.4155 0.03059 426 282 111 33
328 No, maybe YOU misunderstood when he said "Help, shark!" 1.4149 0.03150 429 290 100 39
329 Great white privilege... 1.4149 0.03285 429 298 84 47
330 I enjoy giving them a false sense of security. 1.4133 0.03302 375 251 93 31
331 40 more hours of community service, and I can go back to biting ‘em. 1.4132 0.03088 409 270 109 30
332 The missus asked me to get some takeout. 1.4125 0.03085 417 277 108 32
333 He does things for me you can't begin to understand. 1.4121 0.03303 398 272 88 38
334 Chick bait. 1.4120 0.03132 415 278 103 34
335 Mom, I'm not going to be ashamed of who I love anymore. 1.4114 0.03528 333 227 76 30
336 I got a lunch order here for a Miss Wanda Piranha. Is that you? 1.4108 0.03163 409 275 100 34
337 He’s just taking a selfie. Then we can eat him. 1.4108 0.03067 409 270 110 29
338 It's the only way to get that knot out of my back. 1.4104 0.03155 385 254 104 27
339 He's all yours. I can't eat anything this stupid. 1.4104 0.03422 385 267 78 40
340 He's my chum. 1.4103 0.03058 407 268 111 28
341 I couldn’t finish the whole thing, so I got it to go. 1.4103 0.03097 407 270 107 30
342 Why does this always happen when I'm fasting? 1.4103 0.03174 407 274 99 34
343 I give up. What has two legs and looks tasty for lunch? 1.4103 0.03018 407 266 115 26
344 Watch this! He thinks he’s on a sand bar. 1.4103 0.03193 407 275 97 35
345 Does the tag say “sell by” or “use by” 1.4103 0.03116 407 271 105 31
346 He's half the man he used to be. 1.4099 0.03316 405 280 84 41
347 I believe you ordered take-out. 1.4099 0.03127 405 272 101 32
348 I got some takeout from that new sand bar. 1.4099 0.03007 405 275 100 30
349 I stopped for take-out on my way home. 1.4099 0.03146 405 271 102 32
350 I promise. This is his last selfie. 1.4099 0.03087 405 268 108 29
351 I grabbed us take-out. 1.4098 0.03213 410 279 94 37
352 Do you prefer the thigh or leg? 1.4094 0.03196 403 272 97 34
353 It's like he knows I'm fasting. 1.4093 0.03324 364 244 91 29
354 My body, my choice. 1.4091 0.03536 330 223 79 28
355 I know we don't normally get aggressive, but this guy is pissing me off. 1.4091 0.03771 308 212 66 30
356 It's a matter of perception vs. reality. He thinks I am a log and I know he is my lunch. 1.4086 0.03361 372 255 83 34
357 I find it makes the other swimmers more relaxed. 1.4080 0.03298 375 253 91 31
358 Remember this is an aquarium - eat him and there is no more 1.4075 0.03332 373 253 88 32
359 I'll let him post to Instagram first. 1.4074 0.03686 324 224 68 32
360 He's out of his depth and clueless. Sad. 1.4068 0.03594 354 248 68 38
361 I just don't feel like I command the respect I used to. 1.4063 0.03294 379 257 90 32
362 Like Donald Trump, he thinks he is on solid ground. 1.4053 0.03275 375 253 92 30
363 I got takeout tonight 1.4051 0.03268 390 266 90 34
364 It attracts the lifeguards, and they don't come any meatier than that! 1.4046 0.03300 388 266 87 35
365 'I won't eat him right away. My back feels great.' 1.4046 0.03113 388 262 97 29
366 The wife is working late, so she asked me to bring home dinner. 1.4046 0.03197 388 261 97 30
367 Best spa ever. Back massage followed by dinner for two. 1.4046 0.03340 388 273 76 39
368 It's low-pay, seasonal work. But it includes meals. 1.4046 0.03218 388 262 95 31
369 I am so sick of tourist season - you can have this one. 1.4046 0.03048 388 258 105 25
370 You go high, I'll go low. 1.4044 0.03330 366 248 88 30
371 I was running late, so I got my meal to go. 1.4041 0.03311 386 265 86 35
372 Are you the guy who ordered dinner? 1.4041 0.03291 386 264 88 34
373 he thinks he found a sandbar 1.4041 0.03250 386 262 92 32
374 He’s my chum, not yours. 1.4041 0.03311 386 265 86 35
375 Grab a leg, and make a wish.... 1.4041 0.03229 386 261 94 31
376 At the count of three, we each grab a leg and make a wish. 1.4041 0.03352 386 267 82 37
377 I know, but my doctor told me to just leave it alone and eventually it'll fall off. 1.4041 0.03080 386 264 93 29
378 It's even better than goat yoga. 1.4041 0.03002 386 263 95 28
379 God, I hate being a Nurse Shark. This guy says he has bunions. 1.4038 0.03463 369 257 75 37
380 I think it’s a great white. 1.4036 0.03282 384 262 89 33
381 He's my perfect disguise ... keeps all the tastier swimmers from panicking when they see my dorsal fin. 1.4036 0.03112 384 254 105 25
382 I know, you hate it when I play with my food... 1.4036 0.03219 384 259 95 30
383 I don’t care how much good publicity we need, this is humiliating. 1.4036 0.03261 384 261 91 32
384 Pretty soon this guy won't have a leg to stand on. 1.4036 0.03209 384 264 88 32
385 Do stupid people taste good? 1.4036 0.03384 384 267 79 38
386 You the guy who ordered the sushi? 1.4036 0.03384 384 267 79 38
387 I ate his wife. It's the least I could do. 1.4031 0.03315 382 262 86 34
388 Uber Eats 1.4031 0.03231 382 258 94 30
389 My wife sent me for takeout. 1.4031 0.02965 382 246 118 18
390 I have to wait for that music to start. 1.4031 0.03273 382 260 90 32
391 Yeah, I've got your Uber Eats order. 1.4031 0.03294 382 261 88 33
392 When should I tell him I am not a dolphin? 1.4031 0.03273 382 260 90 32
393 Your Uber Eats order, sir. 1.4031 0.03315 382 262 86 34
394 I thought I'd get a massage in before lunch. 1.4031 0.03166 382 255 100 27
395 It works like a charm to catch lifeguards 1.4026 0.03242 380 257 93 30
396 I'm just gonna ride this one out. 1.4026 0.03170 385 258 99 28
397 Surf and Turf 1.4021 0.03328 383 264 84 35
398 I don't know, it's some kind of parasite. 1.4011 0.03430 354 243 80 31
399 It's a shame we have to throw them back if they are under three feet. 1.4011 0.03249 364 244 94 26
400 Be my guest, I can't reach him. 1.4011 0.03295 364 246 90 28
401 It feels so good I just couldn't eat him. 1.4011 0.03249 364 244 94 26
402 I'm seriously thinking I should say something. 1.4011 0.03321 374 256 86 32
403 His name is Jesus and he likes it when people think he can walk on water. 1.4011 0.03321 374 256 86 32
404 Do I LOOK like a dolphin? 1.4011 0.03189 374 250 98 26
405 Take a bite and tell me if it tastes like chicken. 1.4011 0.03321 374 256 86 32
406 Join the aquarium they said, It'll be fun they said 1.4006 0.03477 317 220 70 27
407 Best. Disguise. Ever. 1.4006 0.03604 352 249 65 38
408 I'm trying to quit, but they make it too damn easy." 1.4005 0.03387 367 253 81 33
409 He's a lawyer. It's a professional courtesy. 1.4005 0.03311 372 254 87 31
410 Can I keep him? 1.4005 0.03376 372 257 81 34
411 It’s harder than goat yoga and it comes with a snack. 1.3995 0.03380 368 254 81 33
412 Tourists ...its too easy 1.3995 0.03313 368 254 84 30
413 I'm a comfort shark... 1.3994 0.03368 363 249 83 31
414 It’s all about branding. If we save one once in a while, we’ll be right up there with the dolphins 1.3994 0.03300 363 246 89 28
415 My dermatologist isn't worried about it, but I want a second opinion. 1.3994 0.03182 363 241 99 23
416 He's picking up plastic. 1.3994 0.03253 363 244 93 26
417 He's not heavy. He's my lunch. 1.3994 0.03346 363 248 85 30
418 Well, then, you should have asked for fries when you placed your order. 1.3994 0.03277 363 245 91 27
419 He's not heavy. He's my dinner. 1.3994 0.03435 363 257 69 37
420 It's not how I imagined global warming either, but here we are. 1.3994 0.03253 363 244 93 26
421 Do you think he knows that he's taking the last selfie of his life? 1.3989 0.03242 361 242 94 25
422 The top half was delicious. 1.3989 0.03471 361 252 74 35
423 It's take your dinner to work day. 1.3989 0.03170 361 239 100 22
424 What kills me is he thinks he’s the great white. 1.3988 0.03580 346 243 68 35
425 If we don't nip this in the bud, sharkboardng may become a 'thing'. 1.3976 0.03459 332 226 80 26
426 He’s not my friend, really more of a chum. 1.3973 0.03681 297 203 70 24
427 Are you the one who ordered from Grubhub? 1.3966 0.03314 353 239 88 26
428 I can’t decide between the meal or the delivery guy. 1.3963 0.04978 164 115 34 15
429 Just my luck. Every time I go on a diet... 1.3960 0.03399 351 241 81 29
430 Does this thing make my dorsal fin look weird? 1.3960 0.03399 351 241 81 29
431 Talk about white privilege. 1.3957 0.04183 235 162 53 20
432 Oh my God, where is it? On my back? Don't kill it, just get it off me! 1.3954 0.03339 349 237 86 26
433 I heard Everest just got too popular for them.” 1.3952 0.03469 334 229 78 27
434 She can't complain it's not "fresh" this time! 1.3950 0.03405 357 247 79 31
435 Tee hee. He thinks I’m inflated. 1.3950 0.03405 357 247 79 31
436 They’re delicious, but they need air. 1.3950 0.03287 357 242 89 26
437 The wife likes her takeout fresh 1.3950 0.03428 357 248 77 32
438 So you're sayin' he made up the whole symbiosis thing. 1.3940 0.03841 302 214 57 31
439 What, do I have something in my teeth? 1.3938 0.03360 353 242 83 28
440 When I show my dorsal fin above the water they all run screaming, but with this sunburned mannequin they never see me coming. 1.3932 0.03421 351 248 70 33
441 Its Spielberg 1.3932 0.03515 351 247 70 34
442 I broke his surfboard, it's the least I could do. 1.3930 0.03471 313 214 76 23
443 It's Ramadan. He has until sundown. 1.3929 0.03899 280 196 58 26
444 It's bring Your Victim to Work Week." 1.3926 0.03482 349 244 73 32
445 My new workout? Strength training until failure, then a high protein snack. 1.3926 0.03434 349 242 77 30
446 I didn't know they delivered. 1.3926 0.03505 349 245 71 33
447 I like to eat a balanced diet. 1.3926 0.03287 349 236 89 24
448 It's my spirit animal. 1.3926 0.03434 349 242 77 30
449 I owe him, He pulled a hook out of my tail years ago 1.3919 0.03349 347 237 84 26
450 I'm looking for some fava beans and a nice chianti. 1.3919 0.03435 347 243 73 31
451 It's called "take out". 1.3919 0.03325 347 236 86 25
452 Call me Fishmael. 1.3913 0.03461 345 240 75 30
453 I saved you the bottom half." 1.3908 0.03366 348 239 82 27
454 Actually, I do like working for Uber. 1.3907 0.03350 343 234 84 25
455 No, papa, I love him! 1.3907 0.03499 343 240 72 31
456 Shhh! He thinks he’s standing on a rock. 1.3905 0.03890 274 191 59 24
457 Because a real periscope costs an arm and a leg. 1.3896 0.03865 308 222 52 34
458 Don't let this get around. 1.3882 0.03582 304 209 72 23
459 I'd eat him but I've never had such a good massage before. 1.3881 0.03323 335 227 86 22
460 Let's make a wish. 1.3881 0.03269 335 235 74 26
461 He says the cell signal is better out here. 1.3881 0.03403 335 230 80 25
462 Don’t pretend like you’ve never seen live bait before. 1.3881 0.03455 335 232 76 27
463 I picked up some take-out. 1.3881 0.03481 335 233 74 28
464 He’s looking for us! 1.3881 0.03429 335 231 78 26
465 It's a balanced diet. 1.3881 0.03350 335 228 84 23
466 The legs taste better after marinating for an hour. 1.3881 0.03376 335 229 82 24
467 I'm taking it to the potluck. 1.3881 0.03481 335 233 74 28
468 Care to join me for take-out ? 1.3881 0.03376 335 229 82 24
469 You wanna tell him? Or should I? 1.3881 0.03429 335 231 78 26
470 I'm saving the rest for later 1.3881 0.03403 335 230 80 25
471 Whatever it is he's trying to prove, he's not going to have a leg to stand on. 1.3881 0.03481 335 233 74 28
472 Since when are you concerned about sustainability? 1.3876 0.03617 307 213 69 25
473 No, you _can't_ have the top."That's the best part. 1.3874 0.03443 333 230 77 26
474 Remember, I said to pack a lunch...? 1.3874 0.03067 333 219 100 14
475 If he likes the ride, I get five stars on Kelp. 1.3874 0.03495 333 234 70 29
476 What?? Do I have something caught in my teeth? 1.3874 0.03443 333 230 77 26
477 I know, never get attached to them, but this one is different. 1.3867 0.03403 331 227 80 24
478 Should you tell him or should I? 1.3860 0.03497 329 229 73 27
479 Here’s your order sir! 1.3860 0.03471 329 228 75 26
480 I know we shouldn't play with our food, but this seems to help my back. 1.3860 0.03444 329 227 77 25
481 Do I have some food stuck in my dorsal fin? 1.3860 0.03417 329 226 79 24
482 let's do the old bait and switch. 1.3860 0.03444 329 227 77 25
483 Now I understand why the oceans are warming. 1.3857 0.03826 280 196 59 24
484 I’m trying something different. I’m letting my food play with me. 1.3855 0.03771 275 190 64 21
485 I can never resist playing with my food. 1.3853 0.03512 327 228 72 27
486 Relax, he's just saying his goodbyes. 1.3853 0.03204 327 227 79 21
487 I'm taking him out for lunch. 1.3853 0.03375 327 223 82 22
488 Want half? 1.3853 0.03485 327 227 74 26
489 He keeps yelling “help!” Do you think there’s anything we can do for him? 1.3853 0.03403 327 224 80 23
490 I think it's time to show ol' Macheath here our pearly whites. 1.3853 0.03485 327 227 74 26
491 I don't have the heart to tell him I'm not a dolphin 1.3853 0.03375 327 226 79 22
492 I like mine golden brown on top. 1.3853 0.03538 327 229 70 28
493 What can I say - I like to play with my food. 1.3853 0.03347 327 222 84 21
494 I brought dessert. 1.3853 0.03347 327 222 84 21
495 No you can’t have him. I’m delivering for GrubHub. 1.3853 0.03538 327 229 70 28
496 I got my sea legs. 1.3846 0.03361 325 221 83 21
497 Took him 'to go' 1.3846 0.03472 325 225 75 25
498 Business has really picked up ever since the ferry boat broke down. 1.3839 0.03430 323 222 78 23
499 How do you want him- over easy? 1.3839 0.03258 323 216 90 17
500 I prefer dark meat. He's all yours. 1.3839 0.03514 323 225 72 26
501 I don’t eat white meat. 1.3839 0.03541 323 226 70 27
502 He's all yours. I'm not big on white meat 1.3832 0.03444 321 221 77 23
503 I found a really good take out place right on the beach... 1.3832 0.03473 321 222 75 24
504 No, I wouldn't say I let people "walk all over me" 1.3832 0.03444 321 221 77 23
505 They call it Extreme Paddleboarding. I call it lunch. 1.3832 0.03501 321 226 69 26
506 And somehow this isn't the scariest platform in America. 1.3832 0.03528 321 224 71 26
507 It’s Ramadan. 1.3824 0.03401 319 218 80 21
508 A lot has changed since I became a vegetarian. 1.3824 0.03515 319 222 72 25
509 This guy figures he's a shoo-in for the 2019 Darwin Award. 1.3824 0.03902 272 192 56 24
510 He said he was going to get me featured on Shark Tank. 1.3817 0.03386 317 216 81 20
511 I feel so much better since I went vegan. 1.3814 0.03843 291 208 55 28
512 I try to maintain a balanced diet. 1.3810 0.03458 315 217 76 22
513 I'm saving the legs for dessert. 1.3810 0.03487 315 218 74 23
514 Shark surfing, apparently it's a thing. 1.3806 0.03670 289 201 66 22
515 Move to Marineland it will be fun, they said. 1.3806 0.03703 289 202 64 23
516 I know, I know. I just don’t have the heart to tell him I’m not a dolphin. 1.3802 0.03228 313 215 80 18
517 I’ve just about had it with being his companion animal. 1.3802 0.03352 313 215 80 18
518 I'm with Uber. If they don't tip, I eat them. 1.3802 0.03589 313 220 67 26
519 These new lures are a hit. 1.3802 0.03473 313 216 75 22
520 So, what are you doing to improve our image? 1.3802 0.03383 313 213 81 19
521 He’s a lawyer and 23andMe says we’re related. 1.3802 0.03645 313 222 63 28
522 What he doesn't know is about to hurt him. 1.3802 0.03383 313 213 81 19
523 Quick, take a photo for my Instagram! 1.3802 0.03589 313 220 67 26
524 The Great White suggests allowing the meat to stand just a bit prior to consumption. 1.3802 0.03443 313 215 77 21
525 Yep, another adrenaline junkie followed me home. 1.3802 0.03413 313 214 79 20
526 I had to do something—Dolphins are killing us in the PR department! 1.3802 0.03673 313 223 61 29
527 May I borrow your Grey Poupon? 1.3794 0.03517 311 216 72 23
528 I can't believe I missed and ate his surfboard. I think I need glasses. 1.3794 0.03717 311 223 58 30
529 I brought my lunch. 1.3794 0.03604 311 219 66 26
530 He's bait, you idiot! 1.3794 0.03717 311 223 58 30
531 I'm tired of all the hate 1.3794 0.03487 311 215 74 22
532 Stick around! I am using him as bait! 1.3794 0.03517 311 216 72 23
533 I gave up eating idiots for Lent. 1.3794 0.03546 311 217 70 24
534 Can you please get a picture of this? 1.3794 0.03604 311 219 66 26
535 I thought it was potluck. 1.3794 0.03457 311 214 76 21
536 Yoo-hoo. My eyes are down here. 1.3794 0.03487 311 215 74 22
537 It’s a long trip. Thought I’d carry a snack for the road” 1.3794 0.03633 311 220 64 27
538 So what? You've got ramoras. 1.3786 0.03502 309 214 73 22
539 I bet this idiot thinks he's on top of the food chain right now? 1.3786 0.03591 309 217 67 25
540 I got this one to go. 1.3786 0.03502 309 216 70 23
541 I just can't bear to tell him he's really in over his head. 1.3786 0.03620 309 218 65 26
542 We decided to try that new carry out place. 1.3786 0.03620 309 218 65 26
543 I wanted to go somewhere nice, you're the one who said let's just get takeout!" 1.3786 0.03502 309 223 62 24
544 Hey! I didn't criticize you when you brought YOUR lawyer! 1.3786 0.03561 309 216 69 24
545 He thinks all sharks are bottom feeders. 1.3784 0.04382 222 159 42 21
546 Be patient. He just asked his wife to come in - there'll be plenty for both of us. 1.3779 0.03393 307 209 80 18
547 When I'm through with him, he won't have a leg to stand on. 1.3779 0.03694 307 219 60 28
548 They're so tame these days. It's no fun anymore. 1.3779 0.03455 307 211 76 20
549 The Hamptons have become way too crowded. 1.3779 0.03577 307 215 68 24
550 Sometimes, I feel like they just don't respect me anymore. 1.3779 0.03486 307 212 74 21
551 It keeps calling me "Dude". 1.3779 0.03577 307 215 68 24
552 Meals on Fins! 1.3779 0.03517 307 213 72 22
553 When do you think we should let him know? 1.3779 0.03425 307 210 78 19
554 Just stay calm - it’s more afraid of you than you are of it. 1.3779 0.03577 307 215 68 24
555 I brought a snack in case we get hungry later. 1.3779 0.03486 307 220 63 24
556 He's my chum or at least will be soon. 1.3779 0.03547 307 214 70 23
557 I''m saving the bottom half until later 1.3779 0.03636 307 217 64 26
558 He promised to fix my back. I promised not to eat him. 1.3779 0.03606 307 216 66 25
559 Oh yeah ! The old sandbar trick, it works every time ! 1.3779 0.03425 307 212 75 20
560 I prefer standing rib, don't you? 1.3779 0.03562 307 217 65 25
561 He said he was a lawyer...professional courtesy. 1.3770 0.03652 305 216 63 26
562 Do you think he could balance on ONE leg? 1.3770 0.03178 305 216 69 20
563 Meet my new chum! 1.3762 0.03453 303 208 76 19
564 It's 2019. We're in love. And it's beautiful. 1.3762 0.03453 303 208 76 19
565 The dolphin noises worked." 1.3762 0.03516 303 210 72 21
566 White people, amiright? 1.3754 0.03593 301 211 67 23
567 Am I losing my edge, Alan? 1.3754 0.03468 301 207 75 19
568 Bite his leg off, will ya? My dorsal fin's going to sleep. 1.3754 0.03436 301 206 77 18
569 What was I supposed to do? Let him drown? 1.3754 0.03624 301 212 65 24
570 Professional courtesy. He's a politician. 1.3754 0.03403 301 205 79 17
571 I always like to bring a snack. 1.3754 0.03531 301 209 71 21
572 What? It's Take Your Prey to Work day. 1.3754 0.03624 301 212 65 24
573 No, he's just my massage therapist. 1.3746 0.03351 299 202 82 15
574 He does wonders for my spine. 1.3746 0.03214 299 208 74 17
575 I still play with my food — so what? 1.3746 0.03640 299 211 64 24
576 I'm tired of Dolphins getting all the good press. 1.3746 0.03578 299 209 68 22
577 You don't feel like cooking, so I got some take-out. 1.3746 0.03640 299 211 64 24
578 Did you order the take-out? 1.3746 0.03351 299 206 76 17
579 It’s Human Week. 1.3746 0.03731 299 214 58 27
580 He hasn't yet noticed I ate his surfboard. 1.3746 0.03482 299 206 74 19
581 I had the top half for breakfast. 1.3746 0.03384 299 208 72 19
582 I’m swimming for the new ride-sharing app Scuber” 1.3737 0.03656 297 210 63 24
583 He thinks I'm a dolphin. What should I do? 1.3737 0.03593 297 208 67 22
584 He's a lawyer- it's just professional courtesy 1.3737 0.03687 297 211 61 25
585 Look what followed me home. 1.3737 0.03593 297 208 67 22
586 Humans endangered species? You must be joking! 1.3729 0.03609 295 207 66 22
587 i come bearing gifts 1.3729 0.03735 295 211 58 26
588 I'd eat him, but it's so hard to find a good shiatsu practitioner and he knows just the right pressure point on my dorsal. 1.3727 0.03722 271 189 63 19
589 It's complicated. 1.3720 0.03689 293 208 61 24
590 What would Darwin do? 1.3720 0.03593 293 207 64 22
591 Pardon me. Would you have any Grey Poupon? 1.3720 0.03689 293 208 61 24
592 Did you know shark yoga was a thing? 1.3720 0.03460 293 201 75 17
593 Half a billion years old and the planet’s most vicious predator - where’s the respect? 1.3717 0.03777 269 189 60 20
594 Do these make my neck look fat? 1.3711 0.03674 291 206 62 23
595 Bless us O Lord and these Thy gifts which we areabout to recieve... 1.3711 0.03706 291 207 60 24
596 Pretty soon he won't have a leg to stand on! 1.3711 0.03706 291 207 60 24
597 It's called 'delayed gratification training.' 1.3711 0.03543 291 202 70 19
598 He's endangered. 1.3711 0.03706 291 207 60 24
599 I WAS GOING TO EAT HIM BUT MY BACK NEVER FELT BETTER 1.3702 0.03755 289 207 57 25
600 I saved this one for you. I'm already stuffed to the gills. 1.3702 0.03490 289 199 73 17
601 I'd eat him, but I like the back rub. 1.3702 0.03558 289 201 69 19
602 He's heavy...and he ain't my brother. 1.3702 0.03592 289 202 67 20
603 I'm still a man eater. Uber is just a side hustle. 1.3702 0.03755 289 207 57 25
604 I'm just not into him 1.3702 0.03592 289 202 67 20
605 Do you want to surprise him or should I? 1.3693 0.03675 287 203 62 22
606 So, should I tell him, or do you want to? 1.3693 0.03741 287 205 58 24
607 Here’s one guy who’s gonna be defeeted. 1.3693 0.03574 287 200 68 19
608 I don't have the heart to tell him I'm not a sandbar. 1.3693 0.03399 287 195 78 14
609 I just don't know if I really want to eat him or if it's because society wants me to" 1.3693 0.03608 287 201 66 20
610 It's just easier to carry your lunch. 1.3693 0.03608 287 201 66 20
611 It's just until he finishes his beer. 1.3693 0.03642 287 202 64 21
612 No, bull sharks are the aggressive ones, I’m more passive aggressive. 1.3688 0.03981 263 190 49 24
613 It's one of my best lures. 1.3684 0.03725 285 203 59 23
614 I’m full. You want him? 1.3684 0.03590 285 199 67 19
615 Word to the wise: never lose a bet to Shamu 1.3684 0.03590 285 199 67 19
616 I'm beginning to rethink this ride sharing gig. 1.3684 0.03377 285 198 71 16
617 Fine then, you tell me how to accessorize. 1.3684 0.03590 285 206 57 22
618 Carryout. 1.3684 0.03692 285 202 61 22
619 I could only eat half! 1.3684 0.03855 285 207 51 27
620 It's a symbiotic relationship. He gets a free ride, and I get to swim close to shore undetected. 1.3684 0.03520 285 197 71 17
621 It was developed by the same people who came up with goat yoga. 1.3684 0.03624 285 200 65 20
622 I've literally got lunch on my mind 1.3675 0.03500 283 195 72 16
623 I'm a Scuber driver. 1.3675 0.03809 283 204 54 25
624 I switched to using live bait 1.3675 0.03410 283 200 65 18
625 Surf for him--turf for me. 1.3675 0.03410 283 200 65 18
626 I know. But it supposedly cures hiccups. 1.3675 0.03571 283 197 68 18
627 It's that first moment of realization I savor most, though the panicked thrashing is also quite satisfying. 1.3675 0.03391 283 192 78 13
628 It's the least I could do since I ate his surfboard . 1.3673 0.03749 275 195 59 21
629 Yeah, he thinks he’s standing on a sandbar. 1.3670 0.03715 267 187 62 18
630 I didn’t invite him. I thought you did. 1.3667 0.03495 270 184 73 13
631 The top half was pretty tasty. 1.3665 0.03794 281 202 55 24
632 Fear is a tenderizer. 1.3665 0.03657 281 198 63 20
633 I'd eat him but he's such a stand up guy. 1.3665 0.03657 281 198 63 20
634 Ready? 1.3664 0.03604 262 180 68 14
635 It's a balanced breakfast. 1.3656 0.03382 279 199 62 18
636 Dinner’s almost ready - just letting it rest for a few minutes 1.3656 0.03494 279 192 72 15
637 I don’t have the heart to tell him he’s not swimming with dolphins. 1.3656 0.03674 279 197 62 20
638 I was going to eat him, but this massage feels fantastic. 1.3656 0.03709 279 200 57 22
639 I want to tell him "a little to the left" but I'm afraid he'll freak out. 1.3656 0.03531 279 193 70 16
640 Somehow he thinks I'm taking him back to his surfboard. 1.3656 0.03585 279 197 63 19
641 I always carry a snack with me when I’m out and about. 1.3656 0.03567 279 194 68 17
642 I’ve found that strapping a lawyer on my back scares more swimmers than my fin alone. 1.3656 0.03674 279 197 62 20
643 I've seen better legs on a hermit crab. 1.3656 0.03744 279 199 58 22
644 Looks like six more weeks of winter. 1.3653 0.04263 219 157 44 18
645 I do one National Geographic Special and he's been following me around ever since. 1.3646 0.03691 277 196 61 20
646 It's realistic, isn't it? Now lets see if it works... 1.3646 0.03656 277 195 63 19
647 Like the American electorate, he does not know he’s standing on a shark 1.3643 0.03917 258 185 52 21
648 He just had to prove he was on top of the food chain. 1.3641 0.04579 184 131 39 14
649 It looks like it's white meat for dinner. Do you prefer the leg or the thigh? 1.3636 0.03563 275 191 68 16
650 It's strickly business. For luring them over to me, he keeps any jewelry and cash. 1.3636 0.03600 275 192 66 17
651 I named him Finn. 1.3636 0.03744 275 196 58 21
652 Watch me flip him in the air and catch him in my mouth 1.3636 0.03780 275 197 56 22
653 Do I have some food on my fin? 1.3636 0.03780 275 197 56 22
654 There are days I wish I never would have gotten involved with Uber! 1.3636 0.03744 275 196 58 21
655 Did the water just get really warm? 1.3626 0.03910 262 189 51 22
656 As my sponsor can you help me with how to react or handle this situation? The urge to eat him is so strong. 1.3616 0.03744 271 193 58 20
657 His surf, our turf. 1.3616 0.03707 271 192 60 19
658 He has my back so don’t bite him 1.3615 0.03697 260 182 62 16
659 There are times I just wish I could forget I'm a vegan! 1.3615 0.03968 260 189 48 23
660 Normally I'd eat him, but this just feels sooo good. 1.3615 0.03854 260 186 54 20
661 Well, the sharks in Japan say it helps with their back pain. 1.3615 0.03873 260 189 49 22
662 I think my vegan diet days are just about over. 1.3615 0.03615 260 180 66 14
663 Please tell me those are feet. 1.3615 0.03892 260 187 52 21
664 I thought I’d do carry out this evening. 1.3606 0.03835 269 194 53 22
665 He's just some guy from Helsinki. Calls himself a dorsal Finn. 1.3606 0.03687 269 190 61 18
666 I'm taking my lunch to work today. 1.3606 0.03762 269 192 57 20
667 Some moron ate his surfboard 1.3606 0.03799 269 193 55 21
668 Help yourself. I'm vegan. 1.3602 0.03725 261 184 60 17
669 Going vegan has been harder than expected. 1.3600 0.04136 200 147 39 14
670 This is what white privilege looks like. 1.3596 0.03780 267 191 56 20
671 It's a good decoy, but the glue gives me hives. 1.3596 0.03743 267 190 58 19
672 They taste better after you betray them. 1.3596 0.03817 267 194 51 22
673 It stands for Make America Great White Again. 1.3591 0.03558 259 186 56 17
674 I think they call him a sociopath--he acts like he is drowning and I get the rescuers. 1.3591 0.03579 259 179 67 13
675 Wanna join me for lunch? 1.3591 0.04050 259 191 43 25
676 Here is your carry out 1.3591 0.03703 259 182 61 16
677 It's a great decoy. . .works like charm every time! 1.3591 0.03861 259 186 53 20
678 For my birthday I wished to grow another 2 feet. 1.3591 0.03743 259 183 59 17
679 Zero respect since Jaws. 1.3585 0.03836 265 191 53 21
680 Professional courtesy - he's a lawyer. 1.3585 0.03761 265 189 57 19
681 Yeah, I’m embarassed, but it feels so good. 1.3585 0.03684 265 187 61 17
682 I'd eat him but I don't want to ruin my rideshare rating. 1.3585 0.03761 265 189 57 19
683 Today's beach buffet is standing room only. 1.3585 0.03295 265 190 60 15
684 Karma’s a bitch. 1.3585 0.03761 265 189 57 19
685 I picked up dinner 1.3585 0.03605 265 185 65 15
686 He says his name's Jonah 1.3585 0.03338 265 191 58 16
687 I told you they'd try to domesticate us next. 1.3585 0.03566 265 184 67 14
688 I have to stay still. He's already been calling for more friends to come play at the "sandbar". 1.3585 0.03645 265 186 63 16
689 The invitation said "bring a dish to pass." 1.3580 0.03919 257 186 50 21
690 What, do I have food all over my face? 1.3580 0.03596 257 178 66 13
691 The key is to give them a false sense of security. 1.3580 0.03445 257 182 61 14
692 Remember, it’ll take lots of responsibility to take him on walks every day. 1.3580 0.03679 257 180 62 15
693 I just like the top part. 1.3580 0.03720 257 181 60 16
694 Suzanne ate the top half. 1.3580 0.03841 257 184 54 19
695 I haven't yet had the appetite to tell him he lost his surfboard a few meters back. 1.3580 0.03761 257 182 58 17
696 If you wanted a fresh packed lunch Morty you should have brought one. 1.3580 0.03510 257 191 46 20
697 I can’t, it’s too easy. 1.3580 0.03841 257 184 54 19
698 I know! But his feet are really warm and, when he falls off, well, lunch! 1.3580 0.03720 257 181 60 16
699 It’s a condition of my parole, to prove that I can resist temptation. 1.3580 0.03801 257 183 56 18
700 '"Wait 'til he says Polo." 1.3574 0.03779 263 188 56 19
701 I had him stuffed and mounted as a trophy. 1.3574 0.03817 263 189 54 20
702 Yes, as a matter of fact, I do regret going Vegan. 1.3574 0.03662 263 185 62 16
703 Yeah, it looks annoying, but after he does his job, it's like a big buffet. 1.3574 0.03817 263 189 54 20
704 I decided to get carry-out from the beach. 1.3574 0.03855 263 190 52 21
705 What? He's my emotional support human. 1.3574 0.03740 263 187 58 18
706 I really don't like white meat. 1.3574 0.03817 263 189 54 20
707 I just love climate change. 1.3574 0.03855 263 190 52 21
708 Shh! He thinks I'm a sandbar. Don't spoil the surprise. 1.3574 0.03740 263 187 58 18
709 Want to help me ruin the summer tourist season? 1.3574 0.03701 263 186 60 17
710 Don't you try to shame me into sharing just because you forgot to pack a lunch. 1.3569 0.03780 255 181 57 17
711 The recipe calls for fifteen minutes of brining. 1.3563 0.03798 261 187 55 19
712 They taste terrible but you should see the look on their faces when they find out I’m not a rock 1.3563 0.03598 261 182 65 14
713 Don't knock it. This lure works much better than a bare fin. 1.3563 0.03598 261 182 65 14
714 I know, right? Second day as a vegan and already I'm being tempted. 1.3563 0.03759 261 186 57 18
715 I'd eat him but I think he was farm-raised. 1.3563 0.03874 261 189 51 21
716 It's an Androcles and the lion relationship. He pulled a plastic straw out of my gills. 1.3563 0.03321 261 183 66 12
717 Yea, I got approved to have an emotional support human. 1.3563 0.03836 261 188 53 20
718 I know you're not supposed to play with your food, but I can't help myself. 1.3563 0.03912 261 190 49 22
719 Would you get this guy off my back? 1.3563 0.03759 261 186 57 18
720 I'm just waiting for the rest of the beach crowd to think it's shallow water 1.3563 0.03836 261 188 53 20
721 Wanna split it? 1.3563 0.03759 261 186 57 18
722 You could've at least brought dessert. 1.3563 0.03719 261 185 59 17
723 It lulls them into a false sense of security. 1.3563 0.03557 261 181 67 13
724 I'm taking home the leftovers. 1.3563 0.03759 261 186 57 18
725 I carry him with me in case my blood sugar drops and I have to eat something quick. 1.3563 0.03639 261 183 63 15
726 Leftovers. 1.3553 0.04527 197 144 36 17
727 I bought it on sale, it was Half Off. 1.3552 0.03656 259 182 62 15
728 I just ate his wife, it's the least I could do. 1.3552 0.03816 259 186 54 19
729 He says we can’t close until your lawyer is here too. 1.3552 0.03855 259 187 52 20
730 You gotta stop letting people walk all over you, Jeff 1.3552 0.03816 259 186 54 19
731 I'd feel guitly eating someone so stupid. 1.3550 0.04090 231 167 46 18
732 5 second rule. 1.3550 0.03704 231 162 58 11
733 Something's been weighing on my mind recently ... 1.3544 0.05085 158 116 28 14
734 I told you vacationing at Sea World would be a mistake. 1.3542 0.03981 240 173 49 18
735 We're here for the Bar Association annual meeting. How about you? 1.3542 0.03981 240 173 49 18
736 Let him take a few selfies first. 1.3541 0.03755 257 183 57 17
737 It's a new game called 'Survival of the Idiot.' 1.3541 0.03914 257 187 49 21
738 No, no. On Fridays we can eat meat... 1.3541 0.03755 257 183 57 17
739 I’m sorry I am late but I picked up dinner on the way home. 1.3541 0.03715 257 182 59 16
740 Mr, Magoo here thinks I am a surf board. 1.3541 0.03835 257 185 53 19
741 And he's eating a tuna fish sandwich 1.3541 0.03835 257 185 53 19
742 I'm on the low ph diet. So I'll wait until he's finished peeing before I eat him. 1.3541 0.03632 257 180 63 14
743 My chiropractor said it’s good for my aching cartilage. 1.3541 0.03547 257 178 67 12
744 Of all the days to go vegan. 1.3541 0.03914 257 187 49 21
745 We're both warm blooded, but he's a lot dumber. 1.3541 0.03875 257 186 51 20
746 He’s started talking about his divorce and I just don’t have in me. 1.3541 0.03611 257 187 52 18
747 We do have a standing date for lunch, don't we? 1.3541 0.03673 257 181 61 15
748 tourist...am I right? 1.3541 0.03755 257 183 57 17
749 Money got a little tight so I signed up to be an Uber shark. 1.3520 0.03988 250 183 46 21
750 Gross. Callouses. 1.3520 0.03907 250 181 50 19
751 Sometimes I like to play with my food before I eat. 1.3520 0.03739 250 177 58 15
752 I ate the other half. 1.3520 0.03866 250 180 52 18
753 It's white male privilege 1.3520 0.03988 250 183 46 21
754 He's taking a selfie right now, isn't he? 1.3520 0.03652 250 175 62 13
755 He's just finishing up his goodbyes. 1.3520 0.03782 250 178 56 16
756 I'm saving the bottom half for later. 1.3520 0.03739 250 177 58 15
757 Get your own hood ornament! 1.3520 0.04068 250 185 42 23
758 Its an exercise in delaying gratification 1.3520 0.03907 250 181 50 19
759 Sometimes, it’s just too damn easy. 1.3520 0.03824 250 179 54 17
760 He's here to get a loan, 1.3520 0.03866 250 180 52 18
761 But you said to bring lunch 1.3520 0.03739 250 177 58 15
762 It’s a SHARK TANK audition. 1.3520 0.03866 250 180 52 18
763 Quick question. Can I get sick from eating someone who's "going viral"? 1.3520 0.03739 250 177 58 15
764 Of course I bring my own lunch. 1.3520 0.03739 250 177 58 15
765 I was saving him for later. 1.3520 0.03824 250 179 54 17
766 Do I look like a surfboard? I don't feel like a surfboard. 1.3520 0.03866 250 180 52 18
767 We need a Jaws reboot to teach this generation some respect. 1.3515 0.04270 202 145 43 14
768 When should we tell him that he's not on a sandbar? 1.3512 0.04338 205 149 40 16
769 I need to work on my fear of confrontation. 1.3496 0.03948 246 179 48 19
770 I wouldn’t mind so much if he cut his toe nails. 1.3496 0.03776 246 175 56 15
771 It's just professional courtesy. He's a lawyer. 1.3496 0.04031 246 181 44 21
772 I work for Uber now... 1.3496 0.03906 246 178 50 18
773 Hang on a minute. He’s almost worked out that knot.” 1.3496 0.03863 246 177 52 17
774 Human Week is the worst. 1.3496 0.03776 246 175 56 15
775 I'm sick of you looking at me like I'm a piece of meat, Kyle." 1.3496 0.03863 246 177 52 17
776 April Fools! I ate the top half! 1.3496 0.04031 246 181 44 21
777 They call it shark-surfing. Want to help teach him a lesson? 1.3496 0.03550 246 170 66 10
778 This kind of thing only happens now that I'm vegetarian. 1.3484 0.03705 244 172 59 13
779 I ate the top half. I'm full. You want the rest? 1.3484 0.04011 244 179 45 20
780 Professional courtesy, he's my lawyer. 1.3484 0.03883 244 176 51 17
781 I'll give you an arm and a leg if you can knock him off my back. 1.3484 0.03926 244 177 49 18
782 Right now, I'm playing with my food 1.3484 0.03817 244 177 50 17
783 It's called Ashiatsu, and it's heaven... so don't even think about it. 1.3484 0.03839 244 178 50 16
784 WAY too skinny for me. You want him? 1.3484 0.03926 244 177 49 18
785 I'm gonna charge an arm and a leg for this. 1.3484 0.04094 244 181 41 22
786 It’s Spielberg. Again. 1.3484 0.03705 244 176 51 16
787 I packed my snack for the trip. 1.3484 0.03839 244 175 53 16
788 I'm saving the leftovers for tomorrow. 1.3484 0.03839 244 175 53 16
789 Well, I would eat him, but he's scratching that itch even my remoras can't get to. 1.3484 0.03795 244 174 55 15
790 So anger management is going well. 1.3484 0.03839 244 175 53 16
791 I know what you’re thinking but it kinda feels good. 1.3484 0.03613 244 170 63 11
792 You have no idea what this anger management class has done for me! 1.3484 0.03839 244 175 53 16
793 He claims to be a pilot fish. 1.3484 0.03969 244 178 47 19
794 The dermatologist said it was benign. 1.3484 0.03795 244 174 55 15
795 I ate his surfboard and felt bad about it. 1.3484 0.03659 244 171 61 12
796 Back off. He’s my chum. 1.3484 0.03839 244 175 53 16
797 Bro, You can't eat him. It's Steven Spielberg! 1.3484 0.03969 244 178 47 19
798 Think cognitive dissonance. 1.3478 0.04248 207 150 42 15
799 It's a lure for boaters. I call it 'Bob'! 1.3471 0.03385 242 174 56 12
800 Hors d'oeuvre? 1.3471 0.03485 242 171 60 11
801 You go ahead. I'd prefer some finger food. 1.3471 0.03990 242 177 46 19
802 Augh, I caught it in NY. Long Island Sound is totally infested this time of year. 1.3471 0.03903 242 175 50 17
803 K. F. Sea had a special on their Thighs and Legs. 1.3471 0.03677 242 174 54 14
804 The tourists are here! 1.3471 0.03723 242 171 58 13
805 Those idiot resort dolphins talked me into this. 1.3471 0.03859 242 174 52 16
806 When you have kids, you'll know it's always important to carry some snacks with you. 1.3471 0.03990 242 177 46 19
807 Less scary when it's not a fin sticking out of the water 1.3471 0.03814 242 173 54 15
808 Look,I saved HALF for you! 1.3471 0.03769 242 172 56 14
809 What? Do I have something stuck in my teeth? 1.3471 0.03947 242 176 48 18
810 Crazy, 30 minutes walking on my back and I’m completely relaxed....I may not even eat him 1.3463 0.03739 231 167 50 14
811 Well, I guess I'm just more of a people pleaser than you. 1.3458 0.03923 240 174 49 17
812 The skinny ones aren't as tender, but they usually have fewer preservatives. 1.3458 0.03834 240 172 53 15
813 I'm his Emotional Support Animal....but you're not. 1.3458 0.04055 240 177 43 20
814 I swear, if they give dolphins credit for this, I'm eating the next one. 1.3458 0.04011 240 176 45 19
815 I invited him to dinner. I don't think he quite understood the repercussions. 1.3458 0.03879 240 173 51 16
816 They are dumber than I thought 1.3458 0.03968 240 175 47 18
817 They say if I stop swimming he’ll die. 1.3458 0.03968 240 175 47 18
818 My lawyer got the charge reduced to an “investigatory bite” provided I go through a tourist tolerance course 1.3458 0.03834 240 172 53 15
819 I brought carry-out. 1.3458 0.04055 240 177 43 20
820 I was an extra in Sharknado 6. True story. 1.3458 0.03695 240 169 59 12
821 “These millennials are so entitled.” 1.3458 0.03834 240 172 53 15
822 Some days being a vegan is harder than others. 1.3450 0.04005 229 166 47 16
823 They are completely unaware while posing for selfies. 1.3448 0.03969 232 168 48 16
824 I didn’t have the heart to tell him he can’t walk on water. 1.3448 0.03921 232 167 50 15
825 What was that movie that Grandpa starred in called again? 1.3448 0.03776 232 164 56 12
826 He isn't organic, but he is free range. 1.3448 0.03921 232 167 50 15
827 It is a fake! I use it to lure swimmers out where I can eat them. 1.3448 0.04062 232 170 44 18
828 Took you long enough, did you grab the fork and napkins? 1.3448 0.03969 232 168 48 16
829 I always wanted a periscope, 1.3445 0.03944 238 173 48 17
830 He thinks I’m a dolphin. 1.3445 0.03713 238 168 58 12
831 Yeah, I know, but I’m hoping he has a beer gut. 1.3445 0.03899 238 172 50 16
832 He thinks I'm a lone shark. 1.3445 0.03807 238 170 54 14
833 He's a lawyer. 1.3445 0.03853 238 171 52 15
834 I got mine to go. 1.3445 0.03807 238 170 54 14
835 I just ate the top half, it scares the daylights outta them! 1.3445 0.04033 238 175 44 19
836 I brought dinner home. 1.3445 0.03899 238 172 50 16
837 Once again, looks like you got more of it on you than in you. 1.3445 0.03616 238 177 48 13
838 Do you smell something? 1.3445 0.04098 238 179 37 22
839 Working for Uber is so so, but the tips are pretty tasty. 1.3445 0.04033 238 175 44 19
840 Is he wild or farm raised? 1.3445 0.03989 238 174 46 18
841 Give a shark a man and it eats for today. Teach a shark to lure other men and ... well you get the idea. 1.3445 0.03899 238 172 50 16
842 Best.decoy.ever. 1.3445 0.03989 238 174 46 18
843 Sometimes they're just asking for it. 1.3445 0.03807 238 170 54 14
844 No, I'm actually a hammer toe 1.3445 0.03807 238 170 54 14
845 Watch this. If a dog can do it with a treat on his nose... 1.3445 0.03989 238 174 46 18
846 Tell me honestly, do you think I have started to lose my killer instinct? 1.3445 0.03899 238 172 50 16
847 Yeah, so I’ve been Uber-ing on the weekends. 1.3445 0.03944 238 173 48 17
848 I like to fool people into thinking this is the shallow end of the pool. 1.3445 0.03665 238 167 60 11
849 I got it through Amazon. You blow it up and they can't see your fin. 1.3445 0.03944 238 173 48 17
850 Can you see if he's wearing a Yankees hat? 1.3445 0.03944 238 173 48 17
851 He’s waving frantically, right? Good. His friends will arrive soon and then we’ll REALLY have a feast. 1.3445 0.03899 238 172 50 16
852 Wait, that’s what chum means? 1.3442 0.03970 215 153 50 12
853 Summer people. 1.3435 0.04038 230 168 45 17
854 I'm his emotional support shark. Really. 1.3435 0.03990 230 167 47 16
855 I'm full. I'm taking this half home for the wife. 1.3435 0.03942 230 168 46 16
856 Wanna come over to my place? I have takeout 1.3435 0.03894 230 165 51 14
857 I'm sorry I ever got friendly with a lifeguard. I can't get him off my back. 1.3435 0.03795 230 163 55 12
858 I know, but he's nice and I'm so done with being dangerous. 1.3434 0.04490 198 147 34 17
859 He’s working on a hamburger up there. I’m trying to fatten him up. 1.3432 0.03919 236 171 49 16
860 All I could find for lunch was this take-out 1.3432 0.03731 236 167 57 12
861 I'm telling you, it's Spielberg. He's casting Son of Jaws and wants to see what I can do. 1.3432 0.03731 236 167 57 12
862 Why do I always end up carrying all the groceries in? 1.3432 0.04099 236 175 41 20
863 You go ahead...they get stuck in my teeth. 1.3432 0.03682 236 166 59 11
864 When the rides over, he'll know it. 1.3432 0.03826 236 169 53 14
865 Which leg do you want? 1.3432 0.03779 236 168 55 13
866 Trust me; this is the most humane way. 1.3432 0.03873 236 170 51 15
867 He scratches the spot I can't reach. 1.3432 0.03583 236 164 63 9
868 Apparently we're serial predators and need to create a less-hostile beach environment. 1.3432 0.03803 236 171 50 15
869 I've been waiting on you. Which leg do you want. 1.3432 0.03731 236 167 57 12
870 Da dumb, da dumb, da dumb 1.3432 0.03965 236 172 47 17
871 He promised me a part in a movie. 1.3432 0.03731 236 170 54 12
872 Of course it's degrading. But Sea World auditions, here I come. 1.3432 0.03965 236 172 47 17
873 Don't ask. He's an admissions officer at USC. 1.3432 0.03873 236 170 51 15
874 Now you jump the human. 1.3432 0.03919 236 171 49 16
875 I got the patch. I'm trying to quit. 1.3432 0.03919 236 171 49 16
876 Did I mention he is now topless. 1.3432 0.03507 236 170 54 12
877 Strong under-toe this time of year, huh? 1.3432 0.03942 236 174 44 18
878 He thinks he's standing in shallow water. 1.3421 0.04060 228 167 44 17
879 Now watch carefully, Andy, next comes the fun part. 1.3421 0.03964 228 165 48 15
880 I couldn't finish the bottom half, so I'm taking it home for later. 1.3421 0.04154 228 169 40 19
881 Uber Eats at your service! 1.3421 0.04012 228 166 46 16
882 It started out as a wart on my dorsal. 1.3421 0.04012 228 166 46 16
883 In the mood for a slider? 1.3421 0.04060 228 167 44 17
884 See! Humans ARE dumb enough to use UberShark. 1.3421 0.04084 228 170 39 19
885 It's part of a new program to change our image. 1.3421 0.03865 228 163 52 13
886 I promised him a ride before lunch. 1.3421 0.03815 228 164 51 13
887 It's the pizza guy with dinner. I had a swimmer for lunch. 1.3421 0.03764 228 161 56 11
888 I've got humans. You should get yourself checked. 1.3421 0.03764 228 161 56 11
889 Do you prefer the leg or thigh? 1.3421 0.03764 228 161 56 11
890 She asked me to grab some carryout tonight. 1.3421 0.03865 228 163 52 13
891 This is so embarrassing. Tell the dolphins we want to switch back. 1.3419 0.03987 234 171 46 17
892 My therapist says I'm a little too empathetic. 1.3419 0.03675 234 167 55 12
893 It was my turn to bring lunch, wasn't it? 1.3419 0.03940 234 170 48 16
894 The massage is very relaxing, but I'm looking forward to the happy ending. 1.3419 0.03940 234 170 48 16
895 I told you Felix, you have to eat at least one or they’ll walk all over you. 1.3419 0.03700 234 165 58 11
896 Yeah, but my back has never felt better." 1.3419 0.03846 234 168 52 14
897 He's so asking for it. 1.3419 0.03700 234 165 58 11
898 I don't know why. Some guy named Jesus asked me to do this. 1.3419 0.03987 234 171 46 17
899 With this stunt, I think we've finally jumped the shark! 1.3419 0.03846 234 168 52 14
900 I'm a victim of compassion 1.3419 0.03940 234 170 48 16
901 Well, you know the old expression, "Ignorance is bliss- until it's not." 1.3419 0.03846 234 168 52 14
902 Has he never seen Jaws? 1.3419 0.03893 234 169 50 15
903 Don't eat him till he finishes rubbing my back. 1.3419 0.03798 234 167 54 13
904 Everyone has baggage. 1.3419 0.03798 234 167 54 13
905 He's my old chum. 1.3419 0.04210 234 176 36 22
906 Dinner will be ready in fifteen … 1.3419 0.03987 234 171 46 17
907 Today's special is the Surf and Turf 1.3419 0.04078 234 173 42 19
908 Flip for it? 1.3419 0.03470 234 173 47 14
909 Looks like you get the bottom half. 1.3419 0.03798 234 167 54 13
910 You ordered a medium,with no anchovies,right? 1.3419 0.03700 234 165 58 11
911 He’s on his mobile. Doesn’t realize the sand bar is now moving 1.3419 0.03940 234 170 48 16
912 The secret is to brine the legs. 1.3419 0.03940 234 170 48 16
913 I’m waiting for my musical cue. 1.3419 0.04032 234 172 44 18
914 What really irks me is that if our positions were reversed, they'd harpoon my ass. 1.3419 0.03846 234 173 45 16
915 The ‘swim-with-the-sharks’ folks have really become entitled. 1.3419 0.04078 234 173 42 19
916 Of course I'm not happy with this relationship. I always have the feeling he's looking out for something better. 1.3419 0.03650 234 169 52 13
917 It's crazy, but he looks out for me. 1.3419 0.03987 234 171 46 17
918 “Some body’s a little more than knee deep in troubled waters.” 1.3419 0.03700 234 165 58 11
919 I hate it when they take all the challenge out of it. 1.3419 0.03798 234 167 54 13
920 You were late, so it’s Take Out. 1.3419 0.03893 234 169 50 15
921 Is this the future of climate change? 1.3413 0.04277 208 153 39 16
922 I type feet porn in to google ONE TIME and now I get this everyday. 1.3407 0.04083 226 166 43 17
923 I said I’d split it with you... 1.3407 0.03985 226 164 47 15
924 I think it helps our image. 1.3407 0.04369 182 131 40 11
925 And me without my Grey Poupon. 1.3405 0.03866 232 167 51 14
926 Sure, I could eat him, but as an Uber driver I can't really afford the lower rating." 1.3405 0.03817 232 168 50 14
927 I'm gonna swish this guy right offa my fin, and send him on his way." 1.3405 0.03512 232 176 42 14
928 Want to hear about my new balanced diet? 1.3405 0.03817 232 166 53 13
929 He's lucky I already ate a quarter flounder for lunch 1.3405 0.03817 232 166 53 13
930 But he's nothing but skin and bones! 1.3405 0.03817 232 166 53 13
931 I don't like their taste, but I love the naïveté. 1.3405 0.04100 232 172 41 19
932 Do you prefer the breast or the thigh? 1.3405 0.03866 232 167 51 14
933 Market price is $8.99/lb. 1.3405 0.03914 232 168 49 15
934 I've been swimming for Swyft a few months now, and posting reviews of my clients on Gulp. 1.3405 0.03961 232 169 47 16
935 Don’t worry about fixing dinner. I brought home takeout. 1.3405 0.04146 232 173 39 20
936 I had a hat like that last week. 1.3405 0.04190 232 174 37 21
937 Ew! Get it off me, get it off me! 1.3405 0.03914 232 168 49 15
938 I need to learn to use the word “no” more often. 1.3405 0.03817 232 166 53 13
939 Our deal: Skinny lawyer calls for help and we eat tender lifeguard. 1.3405 0.03866 232 167 51 14
940 You bring the salad, I’ve got the main course 1.3405 0.03866 232 167 51 14
941 You’re my witness. This one was provoked. 1.3405 0.04054 232 171 43 18
942 I think he’s confused me with a dolphin. 1.3405 0.04008 232 170 45 17
943 They said 'Don't go near shore' . Did I listen - Nooo… 1.3405 0.03817 232 166 53 13
944 He thinks I'm his attorney. 1.3405 0.04100 232 172 41 19
945 With the orcas leaving, there’s an opening at SeaWorld.” 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
946 No thanks, I'm full of plastic bags. 1.3395 0.03962 215 154 49 12
947 He thinks I'm a sandbar. Make a wish. 1.3395 0.03464 215 165 39 11
948 He's not just a friend, he's my best chum. 1.3395 0.04329 215 161 35 19
949 On the other hand, my back has never felt better. 1.3395 0.04070 215 156 45 14
950 I regret going vegan. 1.3395 0.04278 215 160 37 18
951 I like to play with my food first. 1.3391 0.04030 230 169 44 17
952 Why do I always have to carry the decoy? 1.3391 0.03886 230 166 50 14
953 His balance is unnerving. 1.3391 0.03528 230 159 64 7
954 I always use the skinny ones as bait. 1.3391 0.03634 230 161 60 9
955 Excuse me, did you order the caucasian male? 1.3391 0.03686 230 162 58 10
956 You said we weren't exchanging gifts this year! 1.3391 0.03983 230 168 46 16
957 I'll eat him after my massage. 1.3391 0.03983 230 168 46 16
958 Just picking up a little takeout for the family. 1.3391 0.03886 230 166 50 14
959 Sure, it’s humiliating, but it feels great! 1.3391 0.03837 230 165 52 13
960 Let's flip him for it. 1.3391 0.03686 230 162 58 10
961 I'm packing my lunch today. 1.3391 0.03787 230 164 54 12
962 He thought I was just a helpful dolphin and now I’m afraid to tell him the truth 1.3391 0.03737 230 163 56 11
963 C'mon, when do we let him know we're not dolphins ? 1.3391 0.03837 230 165 52 13
964 Tee-hee, he thinks he's still on his surfboard... 1.3391 0.03837 230 165 52 13
965 I got carryout. 1.3391 0.03787 230 164 54 12
966 Sometimes they tip, sometimes I eat them. 1.3391 0.04123 230 171 40 19
967 My wife insisted I bring my own lunch to work... 1.3391 0.03935 230 167 48 15
968 You wanna hear the punchline or are you going to keep interrupting me? 1.3391 0.03983 230 168 46 16
969 After the backrub, I'll have my lunch. 1.3391 0.03935 230 167 48 15
970 Sometimes I pity their naiveté. 1.3378 0.03992 225 164 46 15
971 I would kill him if I didn’t respect him. 1.3378 0.03788 225 160 54 11
972 Where the hell have you been? My shift's been over for 5 minutes. 1.3378 0.03942 225 163 48 14
973 No, he’s not a lawyer. He’s my agent. 1.3370 0.04660 184 138 30 16
974 Think of it as bait. 1.3363 0.03826 226 162 52 12
975 I can't seem to shake the feeling that I've been taken for a ride. 1.3363 0.03774 226 161 54 11
976 I've got a foot fetish. 1.3333 0.03955 219 159 47 13
977 You forgot to pack a lunch? 1.3333 0.04161 219 163 39 17
978 Another lawyer catching a free ride. 1.3333 0.04007 219 160 45 14
979 Yeah, a stand up comic, but I'll get the last laugh. 1.3333 0.03955 219 159 47 13
980 'cuz you are what you eat 1.3333 0.04679 186 141 28 17
981 It's supposed to be a decoy that attracts other swimmers. 1.3333 0.04059 219 161 43 15
982 It's Barnacle Bill again. 1.3333 0.04010 186 140 35 11
983 I hope you don't mind fast food tonight. 1.3333 0.04161 219 163 39 17
984 You want the leg or the breast? 1.3333 0.03737 219 155 55 9
985 What hood ornament?" 1.3333 0.04007 219 160 45 14
986 Just when he thought it was safe to go back in the water. 1.3333 0.04007 219 160 45 14
987 I know, Mom, "quit playing with my food." 1.3333 0.04059 219 161 43 15
988 Say what you will, but I believe finding a friend trumps finding a meal. 1.3333 0.03955 219 159 47 13
989 Take a good look. He's about to undergo an Extreme Mako-ver. 1.3333 0.04211 219 164 37 18
990 I just can't bring myself to eat him. I like the thrill of the hunt. 1.3333 0.04007 219 160 45 14
991 It's a new ride-share offering by Uber. 1.3318 0.03868 217 156 50 11
992 How many times have I told you to not play with your dinner? 1.3318 0.03812 217 155 52 10
993 You want him? I'm still digesting his wife. 1.3318 0.04134 217 161 40 16
994 I stopped eating meat but I can't seem to get it off my mind. 1.3318 0.04030 217 159 44 14
995 I always like to bring my own lunch to school. 1.3318 0.04030 217 159 44 14
996 Allow me to cull this one from the herd. 1.3318 0.03640 217 152 58 7
997 I'm saving this half for dinner. 1.3318 0.03922 217 157 48 12
998 Yeah, the ashiatsu massage helps temporarily but I think taking human cartilage supplements is what has truly healed my arthritis. 1.3318 0.04030 217 159 44 14
999 Yeah, I'm going to eat him, but right now this feels AMAZING on my sciatica. 1.3318 0.03976 217 158 46 13
1000 I think I’ve been attacked by a hammertoe. 1.3318 0.04082 217 160 42 15
1001 I told you I'd find my sea legs! 1.3318 0.04030 217 159 44 14
1002 He thinks he's wading. I hate to disappoint him. 1.3318 0.03976 217 158 46 13
1003 Just saving this for dessert. 1.3318 0.04082 217 160 42 15
1004 Well I'm hungry, too, but this really gets the kinks out of my back. 1.3318 0.03976 217 158 46 13
1005 Free fish or not, if this crowd sings BABY SHARK one more time... 1.3318 0.04030 217 159 44 14
1006 He must be a Republican 1.3318 0.04336 217 165 32 20
1007 I wasn't in the mood to cook tonight ... so I just ordered in. 1.3318 0.03976 217 158 46 13
1008 You just move like a surfboard until your hungry. 1.3318 0.04108 211 155 42 14
1009 It's for a documentary. 1.3318 0.04053 211 154 44 13
1010 Law of attraction, my friend. 1.3318 0.04216 211 157 38 16
1011 Can you believe this guy doesn’t clip his toenails before hitting the beach? 1.3318 0.04270 211 158 36 17
1012 I signed up as an uber driver. 1.3318 0.04053 211 154 44 13
1013 Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all: 'I hear you should always eat a balanced diet'; 'It's good to support your food choices; or 'He's a lawyer; professional courtesy'... Let's hope the winning entry is more original! 1.3318 0.04053 211 159 36 16
1014 I'm brown bagging it today. 1.3318 0.03764 211 149 54 8
1015 I got a job as a surfboard. 1.3318 0.03823 211 150 52 9
1016 ...and if I balance him on my head for 10 seconds, then toss him up and catch him, I win the bet, right? 1.3318 0.03940 211 152 48 11
1017 I liked it better in the Jaws era when we got some respect. 1.3318 0.04108 211 155 42 14
1018 It's how big? That's odd because it feels more like two feet to me. 1.3318 0.03418 211 151 53 7
1019 Get your own Lean Cuisine. 1.3318 0.03940 211 152 48 11
1020 I joined Uber's new water program. If I don't get five stars, I eat him. 1.3318 0.04053 211 154 44 13
1021 They pee on us every day and then wonder why we’re so mean. 1.3318 0.04108 211 155 42 14
1022 A lot of trouble for toothpicks. 1.3318 0.04163 211 156 40 15
1023 Freeloader. 1.3318 0.03764 211 149 54 8
1024 I know, I know... I’m going to the dermatologist to get it checked out. 1.3318 0.04053 211 154 44 13
1025 I like to weigh my food first...you know portion control. 1.3318 0.03940 211 152 48 11
1026 Let him finish his text. 1.3318 0.03940 211 152 48 11
1027 "You want half?" 1.3318 0.03764 211 149 54 8
1028 No, he's the one who needs a bigger boat. 1.3318 0.03940 211 152 48 11
1029 Was the top half tasty? 1.3302 0.03832 215 154 51 10
1030 It's like Uber Eats only quicker. 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
1031 I like to start with a false sense of security! 1.3302 0.03944 215 156 47 12
1032 Suddenly, he's not half the man he used to be, oh yesterday came suddenly. 1.3302 0.03998 215 157 45 13
1033 He’s holding me down. I’m very bloated. 1.3302 0.03944 215 156 47 12
1034 He calls it "shark surfing," I call it "toppings." 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
1035 This is what I get for hiring a reputation management consultant. 1.3302 0.03832 215 154 51 10
1036 It's not my fault you ate your chiropractor. 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
1037 Watch this! I saw a dog do it. They put a biscuit on his nose and... 1.3302 0.03998 215 157 45 13
1038 She's a lawyer, so it's a professional courtesy on my part. 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
1039 In a minute he's going to discover there's another definition of 'chum'. 1.3302 0.03998 215 157 45 13
1040 Don't tell me I never bring you gifts. 1.3302 0.03832 215 154 51 10
1041 It's the new rideshare, 'Unter'. 1.3302 0.04461 215 166 27 22
1042 I've tried everything. I have an appointment with my dermatologest next week to have it removed 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
1043 He said his big brother was, like, twice as fat. So, we are going over to where he’s swimming. 1.3302 0.03944 215 156 47 12
1044 You take the left, I'll take the right 1.3301 0.03961 209 151 47 11
1045 Well he was floundering and I don’t care what Spielberg says, I’m no monster 1.3301 0.04296 209 157 35 17
1046 I know we said we weren't going to eat any humans this summer but if he starts to pee I'm gonna lose it... 1.3301 0.03844 209 154 44 11
1047 I decided to pack a lunch today. 1.3301 0.03903 209 150 49 10
1048 It sounds like screaming, but that's just the sound they make when dropped in the water 1.3301 0.04019 209 152 45 12
1049 It's okay. I appreciate not being stereotyped. 1.3301 0.03844 209 149 51 9
1050 Okay, Okay, Okay...I am a humanitarian...Is there a problem? 1.3301 0.03783 209 148 53 8
1051 Why can't I play with my food? 1.3301 0.04076 209 153 43 13
1052 Dolphins, yes, but I also blame the breakdown of traditional aquatic values. 1.3286 0.04235 213 160 36 17
1053 How was the top half? 1.3286 0.04075 213 157 42 14
1054 No, really, it's the best invertebrate deep tissue massage there is. 1.3286 0.04183 213 159 38 16
1055 No, leave him alone. He's really helping my back problem. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1056 As a lawyer, he is one of us. 1.3286 0.04235 213 160 36 17
1057 The fin isn't intimidating anymore 1.3286 0.03909 213 154 48 11
1058 The Dr. said take two of these and call him in the morning. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1059 I’m saving half my snack for later. 1.3286 0.04183 213 159 38 16
1060 It's my emotional support prey. 1.3286 0.04129 213 158 40 15
1061 First a massage, then dinner. 1.3286 0.04183 213 159 38 16
1062 I just can't shake this feeling that I'm missing the obvious. 1.3286 0.03909 213 154 48 11
1063 Do you want to tell him? 1.3286 0.03909 213 154 48 11
1064 It just started out as a barnacle.... 1.3286 0.03823 213 155 47 11
1065 So here I am, asking the Sea Witch to give me legs... 1.3286 0.04075 213 157 42 14
1066 I had to give him a minute because he wants a selfie. 1.3286 0.04235 213 160 36 17
1067 I wasn’t hungry so I got it to go 1.3286 0.03909 213 154 48 11
1068 I'm saving it for a mid-afternoon snack. 1.3286 0.04129 213 158 40 15
1069 I just remembered why we never stop swimming. 1.3286 0.03965 213 155 46 12
1070 Peek up there and see if anyone's noticed the top half is missing. 1.3286 0.04075 213 157 42 14
1071 I want to eat him but hes growing on me.... 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1072 I don't know if I should eat him or enjoy the back massage. 1.3286 0.03794 213 159 42 12
1073 Nothing quite like a foot massage and then dinner. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1074 White men can’t jump. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1075 I’m just going to eat in today. I brought my lunch. 1.3286 0.04129 213 158 40 15
1076 I feel responsible for him now. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1077 I brought you the fresh catch of the day 1.3286 0.03965 213 155 46 12
1078 Ironically, he's a shark spotter. 1.3286 0.03794 213 152 52 9
1079 I know it's dangerous, but I just love the thrill of it all. 1.3286 0.03909 213 154 48 11
1080 He's an attorney and my mentor. 1.3286 0.04129 213 158 40 15
1081 You already had your half. 1.3286 0.04235 213 160 36 17
1082 What? Do I have a booger or something? 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1083 Wait'll you see his face when he realizes he's not on a rock. 1.3286 0.03675 213 155 48 10
1084 And we would have been on TV too, if Alabama Public Television didn't take exception to the fact that we're both male. 1.3286 0.04287 213 161 34 18
1085 I'm taking him home for dinner. 1.3286 0.03909 213 154 48 11
1086 He's a human who can stand sharks, so I support him. 1.3286 0.03794 213 152 52 9
1087 Don't look at me like that. He'll be more tender not so worn out. 1.3286 0.03852 213 153 50 10
1088 I feel as though I’ve got a monkey on my back. 1.3286 0.03852 213 153 50 10
1089 He's an old chum of mine. 1.3286 0.03794 213 152 52 9
1090 We actually get along ok; he's a lawyer. 1.3286 0.04183 213 159 38 16
1091 I learned it from a duck hunter I ate. 1.3286 0.04075 213 157 42 14
1092 Make all the fun you want—my chiropractor said it'll help! 1.3286 0.04075 213 157 42 14
1093 Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.' 1.3286 0.03794 213 152 52 9
1094 I get hypoglycemic. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1095 It's the best kind of hood ornament--edible. 1.3286 0.04075 213 157 42 14
1096 Because he asked politely. 1.3286 0.03852 213 153 50 10
1097 Hop on," I said. "Come join the circle of life. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
1098 I just couldn't. It's Bobby Darin. 1.3286 0.04183 213 159 38 16
1099 His idea is to jump from one of us to the other and back, for the idiots watching through the glass. Let's drop him. 1.3284 0.05482 134 102 20 12
1100 He wants to compete but can't afford a surfboard 1.3271 0.04218 214 161 36 17
1101 These Internet challenges are getting out of hand! 1.3270 0.04313 211 160 33 18
1102 If you like bones start with his feet. 1.3270 0.03872 211 152 49 10
1103 Sorry I already ate the top half. 1.3270 0.04365 211 161 31 19
1104 I swear, if he calls me Flipper one more time... 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
1105 Suit yourself, but Shiatsu is the only thing that restores my Qi. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1106 I can't believe you ate yours already. We were supposed to meet for dinner. 1.3270 0.04207 211 158 37 16
1107 Amazon delivery of your Mako-at-Home Meal Kit 1.3270 0.03505 211 151 53 7
1108 It was either him . . . or a tracking collar! 1.3270 0.03872 211 152 49 10
1109 I 'm saving the other half for later 1.3270 0.03930 211 158 39 14
1110 Doesn’t he hear the music? 1.3270 0.04313 211 160 33 18
1111 I put in a standing order for meat, and this is what happened. 1.3270 0.04153 211 157 39 15
1112 I like the skin nice and crispy. 1.3270 0.04153 211 157 39 15
1113 You asked for take-out. 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
1114 How did they ever dominate the world when they are not that bright! 1.3270 0.03872 211 152 49 10
1115 Ok, stop messing with me . You seriously don’t see anything at all on my back? I sure as heck feel something 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
1116 I have to take these leftovers home for the newborn. 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
1117 Just watch. This will go viral. 1.3270 0.04043 211 155 43 13
1118 It's symbiotic. He gets chicks, and I eat them. 1.3270 0.04153 211 157 39 15
1119 I am getting cold feet 1.3270 0.03813 211 151 51 9
1120 I hate this diet... 1.3270 0.04207 211 158 37 16
1121 Call me old fashioned, but I was fine with the pilot fish. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1122 Honey, come on in! It's not that deep! 1.3270 0.04153 211 157 39 15
1123 Uber Eats.....what can I say, it's a living! 1.3270 0.04043 211 157 40 14
1124 I saved the best part for last ! 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
1125 I got the idea from Uber. 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
1126 The dolphins told me this would be fun. 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
1127 What happened to yours? 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1128 If he gives me less than four stars I'm going to eat him. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1129 It's my new "Meat, Greet, and Eat service." 1.3270 0.04043 211 155 43 13
1130 He promised me a cut when they come watch him walk on water. 1.3270 0.03872 211 152 49 10
1131 We're going to need a bigger ocean. 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
1132 Yeah, my wife made me take a lunch today. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1133 No, sorry. I'm saving this half for later. 1.3270 0.04153 211 157 39 15
1134 I saved this part for you. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1135 Want to join me for dinner? 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1136 I took my lunch to go. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1137 I always pack a lunch. 1.3270 0.04043 211 155 43 13
1138 He's running for Congress. Testing the waters. 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
1139 I’m using him as a lure. 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
1140 I hate these swim with the sharks days. 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1141 It's an eatable back scratcher" 1.3270 0.04043 211 155 43 13
1142 No hurry. He’s wading for Godot.” 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1143 You can have this half, I’m full 1.3270 0.03987 211 154 45 12
1144 I swear . . . it's not what you think. 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
1145 He’s not using me, our love is real. 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
1146 Did you forget lunch? 1.3270 0.04153 211 157 39 15
1147 Have you ever seen that trick where you put a treat on a dog's nose? 1.3270 0.04207 211 158 37 16
1148 Now that they all have cell phones, the thrill of the hunt is gone. 1.3264 0.05105 144 108 25 11
1149 As above, so below. 1.3262 0.04191 187 136 41 10
1150 Normally I would, but it actually feels very good. 1.3252 0.04048 206 151 43 12
1151 My level of intimidation has dramatically decreased. 1.3235 0.04130 204 151 40 13
1152 stop showing off and just eat him 1.3235 0.04071 204 150 42 12
1153 Trying to convince his friends it’s only 3 feet deep. 1.3235 0.03951 204 148 46 10
1154 We had a much better turnout at last week's 'Yoga with Sharks' class. 1.3235 0.04130 204 151 40 13
1155 I'm part of his walk on water trick. 1.3235 0.03889 204 147 48 9
1156 Is it just me or are we losing some of our fear factor to plastic pollution? 1.3235 0.04188 204 152 38 14
1157 I got some carryout. 1.3235 0.03951 204 148 46 10
1158 I'm not hungry, but this guy deserves to die. 1.3218 0.04214 202 151 37 14
1159 You eat yet? 1.3218 0.03847 202 145 49 8
1160 I'm doing this for Lent. 1.3218 0.03973 202 147 45 10
1161 I'm playing a long game. 1.3214 0.04302 196 147 35 14
1162 Heads or tails? 1.3214 0.04020 196 145 40 11
1163 Mate, you've still got a bit of food on you... 1.3214 0.04052 196 143 43 10
1164 It’s all part of a balanced diet. 1.3214 0.03987 196 142 45 9
1165 I like foot massages. 1.3214 0.03921 196 141 47 8
1166 I wish he'd jump already. 1.3214 0.03987 196 142 45 9
1167 I've got this guy right where I want him. 1.3214 0.04179 196 145 39 12
1168 Are you sure these are the toppings we ordered? 1.3214 0.04116 196 144 41 11
1169 We have a standing dinner date. 1.3214 0.03987 196 142 45 9
1170 And they wonder why we attack. 1.3214 0.03571 196 141 50 5
1171 The problem with this generation is they didn't grow up watching Jaws. 1.3214 0.04116 196 144 41 11
1172 He ain't heavy, he's my Darwinian brother... 1.3214 0.04241 196 146 37 13
1173 Rideshare app 1.3214 0.04422 196 149 31 16
1174 But he's the only one who's ever made me happy! 1.3214 0.03987 196 142 45 9
1175 I was always told that we were on top of the food chain. 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
1176 I got take out. 1.3200 0.03932 200 145 46 9
1177 He doesn't know he's in over his head. 1.3200 0.04470 200 154 28 18
1178 I had just eaten and he asked me nicely. 1.3200 0.03995 200 146 44 10
1179 It's like migraine, a sudden weight on the back of my head. 1.3200 0.04057 200 147 42 11
1180 Fine, don’t guess. I’m Carmen Miranda. 1.3200 0.04119 200 148 40 12
1181 I hate 'Shark Week' 1.3200 0.03995 200 146 44 10
1182 The top half was pretty good. Saved you the legs and thighs. 1.3200 0.04179 200 149 38 13
1183 I've got a busy day so I brought my lunch. 1.3200 0.03802 200 143 50 7
1184 I saved you the legs. 1.3200 0.04356 200 152 32 16
1185 I ate the top part and I'm saving this for later. 1.3200 0.04119 200 148 40 12
1186 Can you hear his accent? I think we’re somewhere on Oklahoma. 1.3200 0.03932 200 145 46 9
1187 First, I'll tickle his toes, then ... 1.3200 0.04057 200 147 42 11
1188 That top half was filling. I'm saving these leftovers for tomorrow's breakfast. 1.3200 0.03867 200 144 48 8
1189 Help yourself, I’ve already had my half. 1.3200 0.03932 200 145 46 9
1190 Does it make me look younger? 1.3200 0.03867 200 144 48 8
1191 I'm still waiting for the Jaws music to kick in. 1.3200 0.03867 200 144 48 8
1192 He thinks he's hanging ten, but when I get through with him it'll be more like two. 1.3200 0.04179 200 149 38 13
1193 One trip to SeaWorld and you think you're a dolphin. 1.3200 0.04298 200 151 34 15
1194 Its like Uber, but with stronger incentives for good tips 1.3187 0.04391 182 136 34 12
1195 Watch this. 1.3182 0.04384 198 151 31 16
1196 I’m waiting until he drops the child 1.3182 0.04384 198 151 31 16
1197 It's times like this that really make me regret going vegan. 1.3182 0.04325 198 150 33 15
1198 It's new bait to fish for humans. 1.3182 0.04143 198 147 39 12
1199 It's the eagle holding his upper body upright who I feel sorry for. 1.3182 0.03953 198 144 45 9
1200 He's on top of me, isn't he? 1.3182 0.04081 198 146 41 11
1201 I'm using his GPS. 1.3182 0.04081 198 146 41 11
1202 This idiot thinks I am his surf board. 1.3182 0.03888 198 155 31 12
1203 He's found the sweet spot. I can't reach him. 1.3163 0.04104 196 145 40 11
1204 I find them really useful as bait. 1.3163 0.03975 196 146 41 9
1205 The woman he was with was actually quite tasty. 1.3163 0.04168 196 146 38 12
1206 You’ve got to be kidding. A great white? 1.3163 0.04230 196 147 36 13
1207 So who's the Great White these days? 1.3163 0.04040 196 144 42 10
1208 His phone isn’t waterproof. 1.3163 0.03975 196 143 44 9
1209 It's just a snack for later. It won't "ruin my dinner," mom. 1.3163 0.04291 196 148 34 14
1210 The wife was in the mood for tourist." 1.3163 0.03807 196 143 45 8
1211 Why don’t you tell him I’m not a sand bar 1.3163 0.04168 196 148 35 13
1212 I packed a lunch today, it's cheaper than eating out. 1.3163 0.04230 196 147 36 13
1213 I'm not hungry and my back feels great. 1.3163 0.03909 196 142 46 8
1214 Look, man, depression has hit me hard. I just don't have the energy anymore to even bite. 1.3163 0.03909 196 142 46 8
1215 His arms were delicious but I had to save the rest for later. 1.3163 0.04230 196 147 36 13
1216 I ordered Chinese. 1.3163 0.04291 196 148 34 14
1217 I'll tolerate him for a while since he thinks he is swimming with the dolphins. Then I'll grab a leg. Want the other? 1.3163 0.04230 196 147 36 13
1218 I just feel like my food choices are weighing me down 1.3163 0.04104 196 145 40 11
1219 I’m taking this one to go. 1.3141 0.04105 191 141 40 10
1220 The kids call it "Sharking." 1.3141 0.04237 191 143 36 12
1221 Yeah, but if I don't deliver it in 30 minutes or less, it's free. 1.3141 0.04428 191 146 30 15
1222 What he doesn't know if, after the massage, I get a happy ending. 1.3141 0.04365 191 145 32 14
1223 what? 1.3141 0.03898 191 138 46 7
1224 I do this for an arm and a leg. 1.3141 0.04172 191 142 38 11
1225 We're bartering. I get a barefoot massage. He gets to swim back to shore. 1.3141 0.04037 191 147 33 11
1226 I want to eat him, but then I'll have to wait 30 minutes until I can go swimming. 1.3141 0.03968 191 139 44 8
1227 He's a chiropractor. I'll eat him once he's finished adjusting me. 1.3141 0.04105 191 141 40 10
1228 Hey Sal, Do I have food on my head? 1.3141 0.04302 191 144 34 13
1229 Uber doesn't care if you're a shark. 1.3141 0.04138 191 144 35 12
1230 And after the massage, there'll be a full course meal. 1.3141 0.04172 191 142 38 11
1231 Don’t tell him! 1.3141 0.03285 191 145 38 8
1232 I like a massage before my meal. 1.3141 0.04365 191 145 32 14
1233 So I thought Why not take-out tonight ? 1.3141 0.04037 191 140 42 9
1234 Don't attack him, the foot massage feels great. 1.3141 0.04105 191 141 40 10
1235 Join me for lunch? 1.3141 0.04365 191 145 32 14
1236 He keeps singing "Why not take all of me". 1.3141 0.04302 191 144 34 13
1237 Do you think it’s malignant? 1.3141 0.04302 191 144 34 13
1238 If I can't see him, I won't eat him. 1.3141 0.04237 191 143 36 12
1239 I'll hold off on attacking until after he posts on Instagram. 1.3141 0.04105 191 141 40 10
1240 See? They are not all blood-thirsty monsters. 1.3141 0.04037 191 140 42 9
1241 I'm emotionally attached because years ago when I was really hungry he gave me a hand. 1.3128 0.04299 195 148 33 14
1242 I don't care which cultures still eat our fins, I'm not gonna racially profile this guy! 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1243 You have Chip on your shoulder. 1.3125 0.04282 192 145 34 13
1244 What did you do with yours? 1.3125 0.04282 192 145 34 13
1245 I don't agree with everything he says, but I do support his platform." 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1246 I ordered take out. 1.3122 0.04197 189 141 37 11
1247 I'm giving intermittent fasting a try. 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1248 Since I hired him to be my lookout, I’ve stopped scaring the swimmers away. 1.3122 0.04329 189 143 33 13
1249 I'm a breast man myself. Do you want a leg? 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1250 Oh, him? I just signed up to be a Lyft driver. 1.3122 0.04329 189 143 33 13
1251 He must be an attorney. He seems very comfortable in this environment. 1.3122 0.04329 189 143 33 13
1252 He's giving a speech on how sharks keep oceans clean. Professionally, I'm on the horns of a dilemma. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1253 Say when 1.3122 0.04197 189 141 37 11
1254 Mom always put extra snacks in my back pack 1.3122 0.04197 189 141 37 11
1255 It's a human decoy I made. Everyone thinks it's safe and pile into the water and then we feast. 1.3122 0.04329 189 143 33 13
1256 Oh, the quandary this poses. The Internet say,"For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks." 1.3122 0.04197 189 141 37 11
1257 I can't make it any easier for you , can I ? 1.3122 0.03991 189 138 43 8
1258 And I thought barnicles were a bummer. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1259 I told him he should just jump the shark already but, he didn't get it. 1.3122 0.03991 189 138 43 8
1260 The guy at the store said you need to keep the head as dry as possible, but I just know I'm going to forget. 1.3122 0.03919 189 137 45 7
1261 Grab one and make a wish. 1.3122 0.03698 189 144 35 10
1262 I can’t break his heart, he thinks I’m a dolphin. 1.3122 0.04060 189 139 41 9
1263 Don't eat my emotional support animal! 1.3122 0.04163 189 143 34 12
1264 There is a $10 delivery fee 1.3122 0.04197 189 141 37 11
1265 Let’s wait til he finishes his cigarette. 1.3122 0.04197 189 141 37 11
1266 We won the surfing contest. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1267 We met on a fetish site. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1268 I enjoy lulling them into a false sense of security. 1.3122 0.03847 189 136 47 6
1269 One lousy surfer and I get 300 hours of community service. 1.3122 0.03810 189 143 36 10
1270 I would, but his arm only got one star on Yelp. 1.3122 0.03991 189 138 43 8
1271 I saved the bottom half for you- I knew it is your favorite. 1.3122 0.03919 189 137 45 7
1272 I know it's tempting, but I'm on this new gluten-free diet. 1.3122 0.04197 189 144 34 11
1273 Do you want him? He supposedly has bone spurs!! 1.3122 0.04329 189 143 33 13
1274 Yes, I suppose I could use some assertiveness training. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1275 Vinny's experience with a lone shark did not go as planned. 1.3122 0.04393 189 144 31 14
1276 They do takeout. 1.3122 0.03991 189 138 43 8
1277 I think you should know that this guy has a spear gun pointed at you and perhaps you should take a swim back to your own waters . 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1278 He's doing something called "selfie?" 1.3122 0.04060 189 139 41 9
1279 It's today's special. Surf & Turf. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1280 I’m a pacifist. 1.3122 0.04520 189 146 27 16
1281 He wants to impress some woman. We all know how that is. 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1282 We have to throw it back. It's under the weight allowance. 1.3122 0.04393 189 144 31 14
1283 I bought my own lunch today. 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1284 And now, what the hell do I do? 1.3122 0.03991 189 138 43 8
1285 There’s gotta be, like, a million things I could do to this idiot to get on “Shark Week.” 1.3122 0.04263 189 142 35 12
1286 It's bring your lunch to school day. 1.3122 0.04457 189 145 29 15
1287 You're late for dinner. 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1288 I've tried everything, but I can't get this monkey off my back. 1.3122 0.04129 189 140 39 10
1289 I can’t remember if I’m supposed to stop swimming, play dead or rap him on the nose. 1.3122 0.04457 189 145 29 15
1290 It was my therapist's idea. 1.3122 0.03919 189 137 45 7
1291 I hate the gig economy. 1.3115 0.03766 183 140 33 10
1292 It's symbiotic for now. I'm not making any promises. 1.3115 0.04073 183 134 41 8
1293 He's heavy, but he's a great decoy. 1.3115 0.04288 183 137 35 11
1294 I think can we can take the mixed doubles water ballet title, if I can control my appetite. 1.3115 0.04288 183 137 35 11
1295 I always bring a snack. 1.3115 0.03923 183 132 45 6
1296 Shorts week 1.3115 0.04288 183 137 35 11
1297 I ate the last two, so the resort put me on probation. 1.3115 0.03998 183 133 43 7
1298 Until Shark Week starts filming again, I have to make ends meet by providing ride-sharing for swimmers. 1.3103 0.04511 174 132 30 12
1299 Hey, Dad. He followed me home. Can I keep him? 1.3102 0.03941 187 136 44 7
1300 I know it's not bacon, but it looks delicious. 1.3102 0.04084 187 138 40 9
1301 Do you ever feel like “the man” is always on your back? 1.3102 0.04222 187 140 36 11
1302 I’m on Step 9, Making Amends. 1.3102 0.04290 187 141 34 12
1303 It’s not what it looks like - I’m taking him to lunch. 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1304 I don’t know, I guess I’m just not that hungry. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1305 Do I have a pimple on my back? 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1306 I say it's a 60% - 40% split since he is standing on me! 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1307 I'll consume him in due time. Finish your story. 1.3081 0.04179 185 138 37 10
1308 It's just the old bait and switch. 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1309 Give him a break. The guy lost his surfboard. 1.3081 0.04179 185 138 37 10
1310 Going vegan is much more annoying than I thought it would be. 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1311 When should I break the news to him that the dolphins are in the other tank? 1.3081 0.04581 185 144 25 16
1312 Luckily for me, Uber's driver background checks are rather lax. 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1313 I use him as my look out - the fin thing is just too much of a give-away. 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1314 No! You ate the top half! 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1315 Should I tell him? 1.3081 0.04179 185 138 37 10
1316 Are you interested in the leftovers? 1.3081 0.04036 185 136 41 8
1317 Here comes the triple flip. I'm going for a vertical entry with this one. 1.3081 0.04517 185 143 27 15
1318 I just let him think we have a ‘special bond’ then I’ll eat him. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1319 Did you enjoy the top half? 1.3081 0.04283 185 142 30 13
1320 Its a symbiotic relationship, he gets to swim without getting tired and I get to eat him when he's done. 1.3081 0.04108 185 145 28 12
1321 Should I break it to him? 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1322 It's customary to tip for your grubhub delivery 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1323 It was either this or the chiropractor. 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1324 it's only my second week, but I'm already finding it really hard to be vegan 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1325 I'm starting a balanced diet today. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
1326 We're gonna need a bigger ocean. 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1327 The salesman said it would be less conspicuous than a fin. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1328 I stopped by the shore on my way home. Thought you might like this. 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1329 Technically, we would remain vegan because he was. 1.3081 0.04179 185 138 37 10
1330 It's working, Ralph. He's telling everyone to come out and stand on this sandbar ! 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1331 My ad was supposed to say ‘Wanted: Sucker Fish’, but in print it got cut off... 1.3081 0.04179 185 143 29 13
1332 Not a fan of legs and thighs, you? 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1333 Where have you been? Dinner's ready. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
1334 No, honey, it's not an affair, just a great little massage. 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1335 They're much more comfortable approaching since I got the doll. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1336 Open real wide now. When I go low, you go high! 1.3081 0.04517 185 143 27 15
1337 Hey, wanna play wishbone? 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1338 My psychiatrist recommended exposure therapy to combat my compulsive overeating. 1.3081 0.04036 185 136 41 8
1339 I know, honey, I know. But, we have just got to watch the carbs. 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1340 Just wait until he finds out I'm not a dolphin. 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1341 Professional courtesy. We might need a good lawyer some day. 1.3081 0.04179 185 138 37 10
1342 Yeah, I just don't have the heart, OK? His glasses fell off, then he started swimming in my direction yelling here Flipper, here boy! 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1343 I know you hate talking about dinner plans when we’ve just had lunch... 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1344 A little nip on the ankle should get him off my back. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
1345 He thinks he's my surf buddy, but he's just chum. 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1346 You know you can just eat him, right? 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1347 He's making a sequel to "Jaws" and I am auditioning for the lead. 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1348 Hey, you promised dessert if I brought the entree. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1349 Get it off, get it off, get it off! 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1350 I’m waiting for him to get off his phone. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
1351 Please go up and see if he's as bony as he feels. I'm on a low-fat diet. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
1352 Works such a drag, I just can’t get this guy off my back! 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1353 I'm waiting for a seal, they have more meat on them !! 1.3081 0.04036 185 136 41 8
1354 His feet stink like the Bronx so maybe he tastes good, too. 1.3081 0.04770 185 147 19 19
1355 What?! You have a problem with carry-out? 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1356 I'm carrying 125 pounds in the finals of the handicapped shark races. How about you? 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1357 What do you say we see how he hangs five? 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
1358 Of course we’ll eat him, but let him adjust my spine first 1.3081 0.04451 185 142 29 14
1359 These millennials think they're entitled to everything. 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1360 Poor guy thinks he’s walking on water... at least he’ll go out in style. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
1361 You should start packing a lunch too. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
1362 I can't shake him. How did you get rid of yours? 1.3081 0.04108 185 137 39 9
1363 I lost a bet to a vulture. He gets to go first. 1.3081 0.04179 185 138 37 10
1364 I packed a lunch. 1.3081 0.03962 185 135 43 7
1365 An hour a week and the back’s good as new. 1.3081 0.03887 185 136 42 7
1366 It's either this or pain pills. 1.3060 0.04059 183 135 40 8
1367 Yeah, it's great, I make my own hours and eat on the job! 1.3060 0.04132 183 136 38 9
1368 I've really lost the urge since I can't hear the theme music. 1.3060 0.04275 183 138 34 11
1369 Professional respect...he's a lawyer. 1.3060 0.04021 183 137 37 9
1370 I disagree. I think this ride shark service could habe some legs to it. 1.3060 0.04204 183 137 36 10
1371 I’m sorry man, but I can’t do it without the music 1.3060 0.04275 183 138 34 11
1372 I'm just keeping him fresh for dinner when I get hungry. 1.3060 0.04344 183 139 32 12
1373 He thinks I'm sandbar, and now I don't have the heart. 1.3060 0.04344 183 139 32 12
1374 He complained about the rate so I told him I'd take half off. 1.3060 0.04344 183 139 32 12
1375 No, ma! I won't stop playing with my food! 1.3060 0.04059 183 135 40 8
1376 matter of fact, no, i’m a man-standing shark. 1.3060 0.04204 183 137 36 10
1377 Bait. The fin was a dead giveaway. 1.3060 0.04275 183 138 34 11
1378 Hi, I have an Uber Eats order for Bruce 1.3060 0.04275 183 138 34 11
1379 Uber Eats delivery. 1.3060 0.04275 183 138 34 11
1380 It's my first time as an Uber driver, but if I get humgry it's all over. 1.3060 0.04741 183 145 20 18
1381 More effective than hot rocks and tastes better too. 1.3060 0.03984 183 137 39 7
1382 Uber shark food delivery ... here's your order. 1.3060 0.04132 183 136 38 9
1383 I brought you leftovers... 1.3060 0.04059 183 135 40 8
1384 Snacks on me! 1.3060 0.04344 183 139 32 12
1385 This intermittent fasting is getting harder and harder. 1.3060 0.04275 183 138 34 11
1386 It's an Uber experimental ride-share-eat option. 1.3060 0.04204 183 137 36 10
1387 So I was just swimming around flossing my jaws with a trash sign that read “Rides for food” when his idiot just hopped on me. You wanna do lunch? 1.3046 0.05060 151 118 20 13
1388 Drumstick? 1.3039 0.03850 181 135 36 8
1389 You should see him from the waist up. 1.3039 0.04044 181 138 33 10
1390 I know he's heavy, but you should see my abs. 1.3039 0.04372 181 138 31 12
1391 Why don't they ever talk about our good qualities? 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
1392 He’s gonna be surprised when he finds out I’m not Shamu. 1.3034 0.04422 178 136 30 12
1393 Trust me, it’s a great way to lure the others. 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
1394 I'd take his legs off, but he's scratching a spot I can't reach. 1.3034 0.04564 178 138 26 14
1395 Fast food to go! 1.3034 0.04048 178 131 40 7
1396 Can you finish the rest? I just wanted the wings and breast. 1.3034 0.04564 178 138 26 14
1397 Call PR...aren’t they supposed to be scared of us! 1.3034 0.04422 178 136 30 12
1398 I'm on a balanced diet. 1.3034 0.04048 178 131 40 7
1399 I like to mess with them a little before I take a bite. 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
1400 Here's your Uber Eats Delivery" 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
1401 Last client of the day. 1.3034 0.03362 178 132 43 3
1402 You can start with the drumsticks 1.3034 0.03888 178 139 30 9
1403 Out of the Way! He is one of us, Binsky just passed the Bar. 1.3034 0.04701 178 140 22 16
1404 "Your delivery of a gluten-free person for dinner." 1.3034 0.03968 178 130 42 6
1405 The family meal always ends up being too much food. 1.3034 0.04048 178 131 40 7
1406 It's good for my core. 1.3034 0.04494 178 137 28 13
1407 It's take-out tonight. End of discussion. 1.3034 0.04633 178 139 24 15
1408 Word is, Sharkworld may raise our pay to $15 per hour, plus chum. 1.3034 0.04701 178 140 22 16
1409 I might be hungry later. 1.3034 0.04048 178 137 32 9
1410 I've lost my edge! 1.3034 0.04422 178 136 30 12
1411 Sorry, I can't go out to lunch today. I brought leftovers. 1.3034 0.04350 178 135 32 11
1412 He loves the ocean, but he can't swim. 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
1413 I don't know if I should eat him or rescind his pro-surfer's certificate. 1.3034 0.04276 178 134 34 10
1414 I'm evolving. 1.3034 0.04276 178 134 34 10
1415 I'm making extra money as a uber driver. 1.3034 0.04564 178 138 26 14
1416 I 'm taking a course in Anger Management" 1.3034 0.04633 178 139 24 15
1417 Bad hair day 1.3034 0.03805 178 135 36 7
1418 If anything, it's a conflict of interest. 1.3034 0.03968 178 130 42 6
1419 I met him in my “Vegan for Dummies” cooking class. 1.3034 0.04633 178 139 24 15
1420 I thought you said to pack a lunch? 1.3034 0.03888 178 129 44 5
1421 I got us takeout. 1.3034 0.04276 178 134 34 10
1422 Apparently this is an example of what is known as "Florida Man". 1.3030 0.04502 165 125 30 10
1423 Time to let him know I'm not a dolphin. 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
1424 It's rebranding - folks were starting to have a negative association with the fin. 1.3023 0.04296 172 129 34 9
1425 I just picked up dinner. 1.3023 0.04296 172 129 34 9
1426 The vet said I have to start lifting weights. 1.3023 0.04052 172 126 40 6
1427 It’s a symbiotic relationship 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
1428 Yeah, I'm doing a gig now for Uber Eats. 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1429 It's symbiotic. He eases my back pain, and I don't eat him. 1.3023 0.04052 172 126 40 6
1430 And his feet are all slimy and gross, too! 1.3023 0.03836 172 131 33 8
1431 Stop judging my taste in symbiotic relationships! 1.3023 0.04602 172 133 26 13
1432 You got some food on your face. 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1433 I just hate those skinny bones stuck in my throat. 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1434 Some fins wrong. I'm just not sure what. 1.3023 0.04216 172 128 36 8
1435 Do you want to join me for dinner? 1.3023 0.03746 172 130 35 7
1436 I'm sick of shark week. 1.3023 0.04296 172 129 34 9
1437 Global warming is bringing them out earlier in the season. 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1438 God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for this food. 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
1439 I used to think "When your a shark you're a shark all the way", but now I dunno 1.3023 0.04216 172 128 36 8
1440 Who takes "Jumping the shark" literally? 1.3023 0.04009 172 128 37 7
1441 It was a typo-the email said “shark attach”. 1.3023 0.04009 172 128 37 7
1442 In the good old days, it was an albatross around the neck. 1.3023 0.03791 172 128 38 6
1443 And I had to pick this week to go vegan! 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1444 Do you ever feel like the man is holding you down? 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1445 Lyft was hiring. I needed money. Don't mess this up for me. 1.3023 0.03880 172 128 38 6
1446 Nah, it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
1447 He does not take advantage of me! It's a symbiotic relationship. 1.3023 0.04052 172 126 40 6
1448 It's a new ride share program called SCUBER. 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
1449 I just love this place. Every massage comes with a free meal. 1.3023 0.04451 172 131 30 11
1450 Haven't you ever heard of a symbiotic ashiatsu relationship? 1.3023 0.03560 172 135 28 9
1451 So I guess now I'm a HammerToe Shark? 1.3023 0.04527 172 132 28 12
1452 I know, I know; but he said he could get me on ‘Shark Tank’! 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
1453 But I can't do it. He's so clueless and trusting. 1.3023 0.04135 172 127 38 7
1454 If this doesn’t get us on the caption contest, I don’t know what will. 1.3023 0.04527 172 132 28 12
1455 Compliments of the Chef 1.3023 0.04216 172 128 36 8
1456 Bite me in the snout next time I say work well with people. 1.3017 0.03950 179 131 42 6
1457 Have you met Finn? 1.3011 0.04452 176 135 29 12
1458 Let’s see if he can swim with one leg.” 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
1459 I'm not hungry. Are you? 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
1460 I call it my "Scenic Dinner Cruise". I'm the cruise part. 1.3011 0.03990 176 129 41 6
1461 I'm trying a new approach, because those suck-up dolphins aren't getting killed for their fins. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1462 Some situations really test my decision to go vegan. 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
1463 I swim carefully, but they rarely give me five stars. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1464 Tell me the truth: have I gained weight? 1.3011 0.03650 176 135 33 8
1465 The Twelve Apostles still think He can walk on water... 1.3011 0.04071 176 130 39 7
1466 I wish he'd stuck with goat yoga. 1.3011 0.04150 176 137 28 11
1467 He's my attorney 1.3011 0.04524 176 136 27 13
1468 I just don't have the heart to tell him he's in too deep. 1.3011 0.03908 176 128 43 5
1469 I still don't get why my folks told me not to play with my food. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1470 Something like this happens every time I try to quit. 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
1471 I just know I’m going to get Athlete’s Fin from this.” 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1472 On the count of 3... 1.3011 0.04524 176 136 27 13
1473 He's my brother-in-law. I tried to talk her out of it, but she said I was exhibiting a species bias. 1.3011 0.04031 176 136 28 11
1474 I thought I’d try an edible back massager 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
1475 He is going to have a sinking feeling soon... 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1476 He's all yours... I am a "breast guy" ! 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1477 Leftovers. Why do you ask? 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1478 I'm not hungry, but I don't think I can pass up the teachable moment. 1.3011 0.04071 176 130 39 7
1479 It's only humiliating if you don't eat him afterwards. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1480 He said he needs to finish tweeting first. 1.3011 0.04071 176 130 39 7
1481 I'd say it's a fair exchange--he scratches my back and I don't eat him. 1.3011 0.04071 176 130 39 7
1482 As a support shark I get into the movies for free. 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1483 Shall I tell him, or should you? 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1484 My generation always swam against the current in freezing water to hunt for food. Your soft generation lays around in globally-warmed water waiting for delivery. 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1485 I'm about to give him a fish pedicure he won't ever forget. 1.3011 0.04189 176 134 32 10
1486 I told you we look like surfboards 1.3011 0.04665 176 138 23 15
1487 Climate change. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1488 I brought the hors d'oeuvre. 1.3011 0.04452 176 135 29 12
1489 He said he was a lawyer, so I knew he was one of us. 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
1490 Just in case I get hungry later. 1.3011 0.03824 176 127 45 4
1491 Man, that damn 'Shark Tale" movie really killed our street cred. 1.3011 0.03990 176 129 41 6
1492 I don’t know how much longer I can take working under this guy! 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1493 I found him on decoys.com 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1494 ''I owe him 'cause I ate his surfboard.'' 1.3011 0.03824 176 127 45 4
1495 If he shouts 'Hey, Bro!--Who's the Man!' one more time, let's snap him in half! 1.3011 0.04452 176 135 29 12
1496 When do you think I should tell him? 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
1497 This one's O.K. The last guy was wearing cleats. 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
1498 I can’t stand this anymore, and they wonder why we bite them from time to time ! 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
1499 My PR team thought it would help soften my image. 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
1500 My therapist recommended this mental exercise. 1.3011 0.04452 176 135 29 12
1501 I’m working on a balanced diet. 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
1502 You've got to believe me,it's completely platonic. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1503 We make a wish, and then we each grab an end… 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1504 Goat yoga is so passé 1.3011 0.04595 176 137 25 14
1505 Actually, I think I prefer Rolfing. 1.3011 0.04303 176 136 30 10
1506 Talk about a false sense of security! 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
1507 He works on my back and I don't eat him. 1.3011 0.03824 176 127 45 4
1508 I've become a bottom feeder. 1.3011 0.04227 176 132 35 9
1509 There is no other half. 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
1510 Yes, he's adopted. How did you know? 1.2989 0.04175 174 130 36 8
1511 White privilege, need I say more? 1.2989 0.04699 174 137 22 15
1512 He says he's honoring me by 'standing on the shoulders of greatness.' 1.2989 0.04331 174 132 32 10
1513 I'll take this half to go 1.2989 0.04253 174 131 34 9
1514 This intermittent fasting is killing me. 1.2989 0.04175 174 130 36 8
1515 ‘’Just another passing fad…like planking …sigh.” 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
1516 I told you meeting Aquaman would be a disappointment. 1.2965 0.04118 172 128 37 7
1517 He tells everyone he's the "great white one". 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 33 9
1518 Ashiatsu. Works out my aggressions. 1.2965 0.04359 172 133 28 11
1519 My therapist says I need to be less reactive. 1.2965 0.04035 172 127 39 6
1520 He Is Heavy, He Ain’t My Brother. 1.2965 0.04436 172 132 29 11
1521 He’s right on top of me, isn’t he? 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 33 9
1522 No, I know he's there, but sometimes I just want to have to work for it. 1.2965 0.03949 172 126 41 5
1523 You’re holding up dinner. 1.2965 0.04035 172 127 39 6
1524 Yes I’m giving him a ride. You’ve never heard of SCUBER? 1.2965 0.04359 172 131 31 10
1525 I can't. We've bonded. 1.2965 0.04359 172 131 31 10
1526 I know it’s a cliché, but yes, he’s a lawyer. 1.2965 0.04512 172 133 27 12
1527 I hope he will attract a plumper one. 1.2965 0.04118 172 133 30 9
1528 When did you get that 4th gill? 1.2965 0.04359 172 139 20 13
1529 It really helps my back! 1.2965 0.04436 172 132 29 11
1530 They call it shark pilates. 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 32 9
1531 Yeah, I prefer wings. 1.2965 0.04035 172 127 39 6
1532 He made a bet that he could walk on water. I get a cut if he wins. 1.2965 0.04359 172 131 31 10
1533 I hate being vegan.... 1.2965 0.04436 172 132 29 11
1534 You wanted the lower torso, right? 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 33 9
1535 He's on Retainer. 1.2965 0.04200 172 129 35 8
1536 It's a temporary symbiotic relationship; he likes to surf, I like to eat. 1.2965 0.04200 172 129 35 8
1537 Not happy about this gig economy I find myself in. 1.2965 0.04512 172 133 27 12
1538 I could be here a while. He’s reading the Mueller Report. 1.2965 0.04436 172 132 29 11
1539 I'm thinking of writing a country music song about it. 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 33 9
1540 I know this area is for members only--I'm about to take care of that. 1.2965 0.04200 172 129 35 8
1541 Legs or thighs? 1.2965 0.04436 172 132 29 11
1542 He's soooo worth it when I get an itchy fin. 1.2965 0.03343 172 131 34 6
1543 I love to watch their face when they slip 1.2965 0.04200 172 129 35 8
1544 I have to swim constantly anyway, so really the new gig economy is working for me. 1.2965 0.04035 172 127 39 6
1545 He’s telling everyone that he’s a standup comic. Is there such a thing? 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 33 9
1546 It’s an Uber pilot program. 1.2945 0.03787 163 122 36 5
1547 Tell them you're a vegetarian and they think they can walk all over you. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1548 Simple. We bet, He won. 1.2945 0.04076 163 125 30 8
1549 I ordered it to go. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1550 Just toying with him before my dinner 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1551 This is my friend Larry. He’s not much of a swimmer.” 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1552 Are you sick of white meat? 1.2945 0.04076 163 120 38 5
1553 I told you that it was all over when they started with that swimming with the dolphins thing. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1554 Say what you will about chiropractors... 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1555 My shrink is calling it "exposure therapy". 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1556 Give these humans an inch and they walk all over you. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1557 He thinks he's safe on a rock; I'm saving him for our family frenzy at suppertime. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
1558 Yeah, it's kinda like uber. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1559 Got drunk, lost a bet, its hell... 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1560 He calls himself the "Shark Whisperer". I'm going to wait until there's a huge crowd and then I'll rip him to shreds. 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1561 I know ... But I like ... how he rubs my neck ... 1.2945 0.04076 163 120 38 5
1562 Okay, flip him. Heads he’s mine, tails he’s yours 1.2945 0.03685 163 130 28 5
1563 Yes, Modell, I am going to eat it. If you want a piece, just ask! 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1564 Did you order the thighs? 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1565 It started out as a rash. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1566 I’m working on my instant gratification issues 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1567 I’m starting to rethink my “friends not food” mantra. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1568 I know, but he satisfies an itch. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1569 Well, I say just because I'm a sand shark doesn't mean you can walk all over me! 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1570 His feet feel really nice on my back, but I also want to eat him. 1.2945 0.04517 163 127 25 11
1571 My chiropractor says this helps. 1.2945 0.03982 163 119 40 4
1572 Get ready. These decoys really draw them in. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1573 I find it much more convenient to pack a lunch. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1574 He doesn't believe me when I say, 'Get off my back.' 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1575 It's supposed to be like goat yoga. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1576 Ah, ha, ha, I fooled you! This is the bottom half of the guy I bit in two off Florida! 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1577 A balanced diet is always best! 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1578 Lenny, you do realize they can see through the tank... right? 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1579 Finders, keepers! 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1580 Wanna a Bite? 1.2945 0.04840 163 129 20 14
1581 It’s too easy! 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1582 Yep, another hitchhiker. He thinks I'm taking him to Hawaii. Dinner at 7?" Sunil Mahtani, Westport, CT sm@kingfisherinvestors.co 1.2945 0.03581 163 120 40 3
1583 Yeah, I'm hungry... but where's the sport in it? 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1584 He’s made no eye contact whatsoever and has been on the phone since he stepped off shore! 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1585 No thanks I have my own lunch. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1586 He knows it's dangerous, but sometimes the only way to keep your head above water is a loan shark. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1587 Will you judge me if I drop him? 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1588 I’m lulling him into a false sense of security. 1.2945 0.03982 163 119 40 4
1589 Yes, Steve, I do know this looks bad, and no, I do not have a plan to resolve this amicably. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1590 I call it lifeguard bating. 1.2945 0.04122 163 123 33 7
1591 It's all I can get after that Katy Perry gig. 1.2945 0.04302 163 125 29 9
1592 Swimming with the sharks, he calls it. To think I left a good job at Sea World for this. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1593 It's Hemingway's great grandson. 1.2945 0.03130 163 135 22 6
1594 I hate it when lawyers go on vacation and think they’re one of us. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1595 Yes, I am saving it for later. 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1596 So how do you like my new periscope? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1597 You've heard of the marshmallow test? If I wait, a second one will come along and I can eat both of them. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1598 Wanna see me flip him into my mouth whole? The look of fear and surprise is delightful. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1599 No, really! The guy in the white coat said if I hold off for 15 minutes, I can have two. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1600 But I did get the better half! 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1601 I'm rethinking this Uber gig. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
1602 I found him first. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1603 “I know it’s a mannequin. I’m fishing for lifeguards.” 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1604 For being a Shepard of the sea, Aquaman is kinda an ass 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1605 I might as well come out and admit it. I feel that I 'm a dolphin. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1606 I'm off probation after my community service hours are completed. 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1607 And the bottom half makes a one-of-a-kind hat. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1608 Your order is here. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1609 If I don't carry a snack for the kids I can't even get them out of the bay 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1610 It is proprietary. I think this idea has legs. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1611 Morty, be honest.... does this pair of human legs make me look fat? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1612 Standing room only. 1.2945 0.04122 163 123 33 7
1613 Marco? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1614 When do we let him know he's not standing on a rock? 1.2945 0.04389 163 126 27 10
1615 He's not heavy. He's my brother up the food chain. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1616 I have a family to feed. 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1617 I had the top half for lunch, the bottom half I'm saving for supper. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
1618 Not only that, he's spinning a hula hoop. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1619 Cirque de Soleil. Avoid 'em--it's like chewing on a broomstick. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1620 Our deal is that he scratches my back, and I don't scratch his. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1621 I was told it was potluck. 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1622 It's a perfect meal. Surf & Turf. 1.2945 0.04168 163 126 28 9
1623 Just play along. Dinner is later. 1.2945 0.04076 163 122 35 6
1624 Snack time! Ready? on 1...2...3! 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1625 Please don’t eat my therapy human this time, Steve. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1626 It's called "delayed gratification". 1.2945 0.03982 163 119 40 4
1627 It was either this or goat yoga. 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1628 I decided to go with Lyft. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1629 I had a big breakfast, but I'll be hungry again in an hour. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1630 Looks like someone is getting excited for People Week... 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
1631 No, Frank, you can't "borrow" my emotional support animal. 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
1632 If I hear "nice hat!" one more time... 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1633 I think of it as the massage lunch package. 1.2945 0.04761 163 128 22 13
1634 I ordered Uber eats and got Uber lift instead. 1.2945 0.03581 163 120 40 3
1635 Airbnb. The wife's idea. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1636 If he thinks he’s on a surfboard, he’s in for a big surprise!! 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1637 We're a duo - I've got the fins, he's got the shins... for now. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
1638 Because they taste better when they're really fresh. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1639 Working for Uber Eats has really helped pay down my student loan debt. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
1640 I'm not distracted, I've just got a lot on my mind. 1.2945 0.04122 163 123 33 7
1641 This will keep it fresh until we get home and eat. 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
1642 Humans, always looking out for danger when it's right under their feet. 1.2934 0.04439 167 128 29 10
1643 I feel like I forgot something... 1.2934 0.04012 167 123 39 5
1644 Are you hungry for schmuck? 1.2934 0.04519 167 129 27 11
1645 So, I get this sonar call, I show up at some spot, someone climbs aboard and off we go. 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
1646 I'm no marine biologist but this doesn't feel like a sucker fish. 1.2934 0.04273 167 126 33 8
1647 These days you just look at an endangered species and The Man will be ridin’ your back for years” 1.2934 0.04101 167 129 29 9
1648 He says that if I support him it will improve our reputation. 1.2934 0.04188 167 125 35 7
1649 That's when I get this sense of things being unreal and I feel detached from myself and I just don't know what to do. 1.2934 0.04188 167 125 35 7
1650 Weight-bearing exercise is super important as you get older. 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
1651 Camouflage. 1.2934 0.04101 167 124 37 6
1652 Since I started seeing him three times a week, my neck is 100% better. 1.2917 0.04167 168 126 35 7
1653 I don't have the heart to tell the guy that he's no longer standing on a sandbar. 1.2917 0.04416 168 129 29 10
1654 Okay, yes I'm using a decoy. Some of us are not as fast as we used to be. 1.2917 0.04251 168 127 33 8
1655 No kidding? I've never tried shiatsu. 1.2917 0.04334 168 128 31 9
1656 Too skinny. I’m gonna throw this one back. 1.2917 0.04416 168 129 29 10
1657 Yeah Jack. All they see from shore is a guy bobbing around having fun. It's my sure-fire meal ticket! 1.2917 0.04416 168 129 29 10
1658 Here you go. Thanks for calling GrubHub. 1.2917 0.04652 168 132 23 13
1659 He’s my emotional support pet, or if that doesn’t help, a midday snack. 1.2917 0.04496 168 130 27 11
1660 Hungry? I just ate his other half. 1.2917 0.04416 168 129 29 10
1661 I'm saving it for a snack attack. 1.2917 0.03992 168 123 39 5
1662 On 3. 1...2... 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1663 Its something called ride sharing. 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1664 The surfboard was very filling. 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1665 How long have you been an Uber Shark? 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1666 I don’t get it. This massage thing is just not what it’s cracked up to be. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1667 Eat this guy, will ya. I can't shake him. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1668 The worst part is his feet smell. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1669 Don’t judge me. I think we can make this relationship work. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1670 We're both vegan. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1671 Dude gives me a back massage and I don’t eat him, fair deal? 1.2909 0.03598 165 125 35 5
1672 Sometimes you get exactly what you wish for. 1.2909 0.04125 165 128 28 9
1673 I didn't believe in chiropractors either. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1674 I'm saving this half for brunch. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1675 Works great for my sciatica. 1.2909 0.04125 165 123 36 6
1676 Dinner is served Madam. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1677 I picked up dinner on the way home. 1.2909 0.04034 165 122 38 5
1678 He keeps calling me Flipper. I'm playing along until lunchtime. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1679 One leg, his Instagram goes viral, and I'm the bad guy. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1680 I ate his surfboard. Now what? 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1681 He wants me to swim near the surface so he can impress some chick Mary Magdalene... 1.2909 0.04788 165 131 20 14
1682 This is why I don't come to New York anymore, it's just not a challenge here. 1.2909 0.04034 165 122 38 5
1683 Every time I go on a diet, temptation comes a clompin'." 1.2909 0.03598 165 125 35 5
1684 I picked up lunch for you 1.2909 0.03894 165 123 37 5
1685 He thinks he is standing on the bottom. Watch this! 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1686 The ones trying to swim with us are a little more satisfying. Less fat, more filling. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1687 I brought home takeout. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1688 Back off -- where are we gonna find another chiropractor? 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1689 It's just easier than carrying a lunch sack. 1.2909 0.03941 165 121 40 4
1690 I don’t have the heart to tell him. 1.2909 0.04034 165 122 38 5
1691 I’ve taken a job with Lyft! 1.2909 0.04213 165 123 34 7
1692 It’s from that new take-out place down the beach. I’ll let you know later if it lives up to the buzz. 1.2909 0.04213 165 126 31 8
1693 I have to digest his surfboard before I eat him. 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1694 port-a-snack 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1695 He thinks he's standing on the bottom. We can dine when the others arrive. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1696 I tried being nice to him for once, and now he won't leave me alone. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1697 Please don't eat him. My back has never felt so good. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1698 AND TODAY'S SPECIAL APPETIZER,,HOMME. 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1699 I knew I it was a mistake to go Vegan. 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1700 After he gives me shiatsu, I'm giving him a pedicure. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1701 My headache's gone. 1.2909 0.04169 165 126 31 8
1702 I have to replace the board I damaged 1.2909 0.03042 165 130 29 6
1703 I’d dump him, but turns out he does wonders for my sciatica. 1.2909 0.04034 165 122 38 5
1704 They’re endangered 1.2909 0.03598 165 130 28 7
1705 I'm not holding him up, he thinks he's holding me down. 1.2909 0.04034 165 122 38 5
1706 Ok fine, as long as it won’t spoil your dinner. 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1707 You wanna take him for a while. I gotta keep movin’. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1708 It feels so good when he wiggles his toes. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1709 He's the best ashiatsu massage therapist outside of Cancun. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1710 This guy just won't get off my back - can you give him a scare? 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1711 I thought you said it was a potluck. 1.2909 0.04125 165 123 36 6
1712 I didn’t have a choice - I ate his surfboard! 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1713 I'm his Uber diver. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1714 He's a cousin of ours - a loan shark. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1715 I think they’re taking this “apex predator” thing a little too far. 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1716 If I move, do you think he’ll yell SHARK? 1.2909 0.03332 165 130 28 7
1717 Don’t ask. It’s Brexit. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1718 Shark surfing is trending. You free for dinner? 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1719 Isn't this what you wanted for dinner? 1.2909 0.03749 165 119 44 2
1720 When you said "meet me at noon" I didn't realize it was for lunch. 1.2909 0.03941 165 121 40 4
1721 I like to play with my food before eating it. 1.2909 0.04125 165 123 36 6
1722 I'd eat him except he has our cell phone. 1.2909 0.04034 165 128 29 8
1723 I’m stuffed. Would you like the other half? 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1724 Will you get this guy off my back please? 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1725 I carry my lunch. 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1726 I told him that if he doesn’t get off my back, I’m going to eat him. But I didn’t tell him that I’m going to him anyway. 1.2909 0.04257 165 127 29 9
1727 Be honest, is the hat too much? 1.2909 0.04034 165 127 30 8
1728 You can have the first bite. 1.2909 0.04631 165 129 24 12
1729 I'm just giving him a lift before I have a bite to eat. 1.2909 0.04300 165 125 32 8
1730 You know the one about the scorpion and the frog? 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1731 He’s afraid of water over his head. Sharks, not so much. 1.2909 0.04125 165 123 36 6
1732 Should I let him finish his hot dog first? 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1733 I'm bringing the food. Did you get the drinks? 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1734 Well, Darren, maybe this is my happy place. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1735 I know I look funny but you wouldn't believe the reception. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
1736 I owe him. I ate his ex-wife. 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1737 Go ahead, I had a late lunch. 1.2909 0.03941 165 121 40 4
1738 On the count of three, let’s grab lunch. 1.2909 0.04551 165 128 26 11
1739 One more lawyer joke and he’s toast. 1.2909 0.04631 165 129 24 12
1740 It's BYOB, right? 1.2883 0.04824 163 130 19 14
1741 Why does stupid taste so good? 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1742 Wow, the odds of being stepped on by a human is a million to one, we should play powerball this week. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1743 Yeah, you just sign up through the ridesharing app. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1744 He thinks I am an Uber 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1745 He's free-range, humanely raised, and non-GMO. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1746 Look...I did not go vegan because it was going to be easy, Walter! 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1747 I know you told me not to give it a name... 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1748 Dinner, ma'am , freshly served. 1.2883 0.04582 163 127 25 11
1749 If he calls me Flipper one more time... 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1750 The lack of respect for the environment is getting out of control 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1751 So then he looks at his cellphone and says, "You must be my Uber Fish." 1.2883 0.04149 163 122 35 6
1752 Do you want to break it to him...or should I? 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1753 I eat anyone who gives me less than four stars. 1.2883 0.03766 163 128 29 6
1754 The worst part is that he keeps repeating that ridiculous song. 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1755 He's gonna have to get a bigger shark. 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1756 It's symbiotic, he's promised not to turn my fins into soup. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1757 I suppose he thinks I'm a dolphin. 1.2883 0.03962 163 125 31 7
1758 Lawyers are taking this professional-courtesy thing to a whole other level." 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1759 It’s called shark boarding but it isn’t catching on. 1.2883 0.03962 163 120 39 4
1760 Some of these guys, it's like they don't even want to be eaten! 1.2883 0.04149 163 122 35 6
1761 Don’t knock it. I’m getting 60 bucks an hour as a powered surfboard. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1762 I think he’s got a career in stand-up. 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1763 And you get a snack after the back rub. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1764 It's a long story. 1.2883 0.04664 163 128 23 12
1765 To combat our bad reputation, I thought I'd try the eco-tourism angle. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1766 He’s a Shark Fin Soup protestor! 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1767 Please tell me it's lunchtime. 1.2883 0.04009 163 123 34 6
1768 I had to go and attack a damn lawyer! 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1769 I stopped biting people after my cardiologist suggested a plant-based diet. 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1770 Predatory lending? I’m only charging 10% interest to keep this guy afloat. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1771 If you don’t tell him, I won’t tell him. 1.2883 0.04582 163 127 25 11
1772 When did this become a "thing"? 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1773 He’s already booked me for Shark Week. And, he thinks I could be the next Jaws! So no you may not eat him. 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1774 I lost his law suit, I gotta live with the shame. 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1775 Don't knock it. It's the best fishing lure I've ever used 1.2883 0.04499 163 129 24 10
1776 I Think I'm A Vegan. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1777 I think it's some kind of remora. See if you can scrape it off me. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1778 It's my new diet. You have to balance your food. 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1779 I'm picking up a few extra bucks working for Uber. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1780 His chiropractic technique is simply delicious! 1.2883 0.04239 163 127 27 9
1781 He said his name is Fonzie and he's just doing it for the ratings. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1782 Says he's a shark spotter 1.2883 0.04824 163 130 19 14
1783 The legs are enticing, but the massage is incredible. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
1784 They get a tad mealy if you just let 'em drown. 1.2883 0.04745 163 129 21 13
1785 I promised once more around before we eat him. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1786 I know I said I'd be home an hour ago, but look -- I brought you my leftovers! 1.2883 0.04745 163 129 21 13
1787 You’ve never had a foot massage? Oh, man, try it! 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1788 I ate his paddle board by mistake and now I feel sorry for him. 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1789 This all started with those @#&* dolphins. 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1790 It just pee`d on me. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?! 1.2883 0.04149 163 122 35 6
1791 You're about to witness, "The Ultimate Wedgie!" 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1792 This joker thinks he’s standing on a sandbar! Ya hungry? 1.2883 0.04457 163 128 24 11
1793 Hungry for some surf 'n' turf? 1.2883 0.04582 163 127 25 11
1794 He thinks I'm a sandbar and it would be awkward to move now. 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1795 Did you order Grubhub? 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1796 I know, but they're even more delicious if they bake in the sun for a few minutes until they're well done. 1.2883 0.04149 163 122 35 6
1797 Don't judge me, bro... everyone's side gig is Uber 1.2883 0.04582 163 127 25 11
1798 “He sure as hell stuck the landing!” 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1799 I just like the way it feels, okay ? 1.2883 0.04149 163 122 35 6
1800 That's the deal: I let him take a selfie surfing a shark, and he lets me eat him with no fuss 1.2883 0.04149 163 122 35 6
1801 These millennial snorkelers are awfully entitled. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1802 Packing my own lunch is a chore, but nothing beats eating locals. 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
1803 I hate it when the old Sea World training kicks in. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1804 What about you? Ever wanted to try paddle boarding? 1.2883 0.04239 163 123 33 7
1805 We made a deal.....I get a back rub, and he gets to live. 1.2875 0.04003 160 118 38 4
1806 Watch this back flip! then we'll eat. 1.2857 0.04091 154 114 36 4
1807 We have a kinship. His legs are great and white. 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1808 I call it Farm-to-table. 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1809 So, after I swallowed his surfboard... 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1810 I ate his surfboard. 1.2857 0.04762 154 121 22 11
1811 Don’t laugh if I don’t eat this guy for fifteen minutes I get a second one! 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1812 Brining 101 1.2857 0.03220 154 119 31 4
1813 What, you don’t play with your food?! 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1814 I’m going to miss him after I eat him. 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1815 It's court-ordered restitution for eating his surfboard 1.2857 0.04193 154 115 34 5
1816 Welcome to Sea World. 1.2857 0.04079 161 120 36 5
1817 Can you help me; I'm trying to get this monkey off my back. 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1818 I'm afraid if I eat him it'll affect my star rating. 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1819 And we just ate. 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1820 The fin. He thinks I'm a rescue porpoise. Just wait ONE minute! 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1821 Keep your jaws off him. I'm saving him for dessert. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1822 He's auditioning for America's Got Talent. 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1823 Want to share lunch? 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1824 I'll flip him and then we split him. 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1825 First the massage, then the meal 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1826 Stop playing with your food Larry. 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1827 He’s my only link to the outside world.. 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1828 Sharks are the scooters of the sea,” he said 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1829 I could use a good toothpick in about 30 seconds. 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1830 My therapist says I need to submit more. 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1831 you can't just let him walk all over you! 1.2857 0.04762 154 121 22 11
1832 I don't know; something about jumping the shark." 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
1833 The flavor is improved if they feel well supported 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1834 It's called aquatic reflexology" 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1835 You do it your way, I'll do it mine. 1.2857 0.04580 154 119 26 9
1836 He's for my hard-to-scratch spots. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1837 Saved you the lower half 1.2857 0.04672 154 120 24 10
1838 Dinner is served. 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1839 That’ll be $22.50 plus tip. 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1840 My wife sent me out for food for our daughter's graduation party. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1841 This is as close as he gets to be God and walking on water. 1.2857 0.04342 154 119 27 8
1842 Unlike you, I can live with it, Roger. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1843 I owe the local loan shark a favor. 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1844 It started out as a bump on my fin. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1845 They call it treading water. 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1846 They tell me I'm part of the cutting edge of surfing. 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1847 Sometimes I really wish I hadn’t gone vegan 1.2857 0.04850 154 122 20 12
1848 What can I say? My stomach, like my heart, is full. 1.2857 0.04762 154 121 22 11
1849 He's an intern in my law firm's summer program. 1.2857 0.04243 154 118 29 7
1850 Don't ask, he's paying me. 1.2857 0.04391 154 117 30 7
1851 I think he's getting ready to jump the shark! 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1852 One day we’re going to look back at this and laugh. 1.2857 0.04443 161 124 28 9
1853 I feel sorry for him, he can't swim! 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1854 I don't enjoy this whole 'let's change our image' thing. 1.2848 0.04025 158 117 37 4
1855 Please don't eat my massage therapist! 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1856 What odd growth? I don’t feel anything. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
1857 I figured I'd give him a false sense of security. 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1858 Tell me I’m not hallucinating. 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1859 These young kids have never even heard of Jaws. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
1860 Go ahead. Dare him to hang ten. 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1861 Here's your dinner dear. You did say you wanted white meat meat, right? 1.2848 0.04124 158 118 35 5
1862 It's part of my community service for that incident last summer. 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1863 Welcome to Sea World. It will all make sense after a while. 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1864 Do you prefer him over easy or sunny-side up? 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1865 I’m more of a leg and butt shark. 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1866 It's the lack of respect that bothers me most. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1867 I'm not very hungry. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1868 Please tell me you like white meat. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1869 He's mine... I'm taking him for a ride. 1.2848 0.04124 158 118 35 5
1870 Don’t go near the beach! 1.2848 0.04124 158 122 29 7
1871 he's telling them all to come on in, I'm serving in 5 minutes. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1872 It’s leftovers, I ate the other half last night. 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1873 You always say “save the leftovers “, but you never eat ‘em... 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1874 Looks like they're making another Happy Days spin-off 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1875 When I'm through playing, would you like breast or thigh? 1.2848 0.04759 158 125 21 12
1876 Why not? He gives a great back massage. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1877 How do I get this monkey off my back? 1.2848 0.04674 158 124 23 11
1878 I know what it looks like, but it’s been great for my back pain! 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1879 I’ve turned the page, Jeff, and now think of them as family. 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1880 My Chiropractor said it's good for the Cartilage 1.2848 0.04759 158 125 21 12
1881 It's my community service and its killing me. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
1882 Get ready. I heard him call out "C'mon everybody. The water feels great!" 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1883 Next time you troll the bait. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1884 You call Uber eats? 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1885 Animal, vegetable, or optometrist? 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1886 I hear it’s good for your core. 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1887 He thinks I'm a rock. I'm just holding him here until I get hungry. 1.2848 0.04075 158 120 32 6
1888 I did the damn music! 1.2848 0.03712 158 124 28 6
1889 Yup. I know... "shark boarding". What's next? 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1890 I mistakenly ate his board. A ride is the least I can do... 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1891 It's called Ashiatsu and don't you dare ruin this for me ! 1.2848 0.04407 158 124 26 8
1892 No, I'm on this 30 day cleanse now. 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1893 I had a big breakfast. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1894 Professional courtesy. He’s a member of the bar. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
1895 Of course he's an attorney. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1896 Manna from heaven. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1897 The dolphin said this was the best way to get more subscribers on YouTube. 1.2848 0.04172 158 126 22 10
1898 Can we get fined for chumming? 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1899 I'm stuffed. You want leftovers? 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1900 Your delivery of a gluten free dinner 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1901 ... because he thinks I'm a dolphin. You hungry? 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
1902 Who’s gonna tell him? 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1903 Another consequence of global warming: a dorsal Finn. 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1904 They’re treading a fin line. 1.2848 0.04674 158 124 23 11
1905 I told you not to eat that surfboard 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1906 I'm gonna count to three... 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1907 This new workplace tolerance training is so humiliating. 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1908 Yeah, well, YOU try turning down a contract with the X-Games. 1.2848 0.03974 158 119 34 5
1909 I wasn't really hungry when I found him, so I figure I'll save him for later. 1.2848 0.04025 158 117 37 4
1910 First I must gain his trust. 1.2848 0.04315 158 120 31 7
1911 The gig economy has its ups and downs. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
1912 Hold still. The wife is meatier. 1.2848 0.04407 158 121 29 8
1913 He thinks he’s swimming with dolphins. 1.2830 0.04383 159 122 29 8
1914 No, it's not like shooting fish in a barrel. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1915 Free delivery! 1.2821 0.04619 156 122 24 10
1916 I support him for the tax breaks. 1.2821 0.04097 156 119 31 6
1917 I'm saving him for dinner. 1.2821 0.03943 156 115 38 3
1918 What? Do I have food on my face? 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1919 Better than any pilot fish. He's a professional pilot. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1920 Do you have a problem with professional courtesy? He’s a lawyer. 1.2821 0.04390 156 122 25 9
1921 I am bringing supper over to the new shark family that just moved in across the bay 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1922 I'm tired of going around with a Chip on my shoulder. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1923 No, I haven't seen Jaws. Why do you ask? 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1924 I know it’s cliché, Gary, but I think it gives me an edge with the girls. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1925 So what are YOU bringing to Terry's pot-luck dinner? 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1926 I'm saving this half for lunch tomorrow. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1927 He thinks he's on a sandbar. Watch me introduce some sharp shells. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1928 I have an appointment with the doctor this week to get it removed. 1.2821 0.04046 156 116 36 4
1929 Jump the shark? 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1930 You ordered, lunch? 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1931 Hey honey, there was too much to eat at the party so I brought you some leftovers. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1932 Some guy named Steven Spielberg. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1933 I ate this guy's surfboard, now I have to do this for 2 weeks. 1.2821 0.04046 156 116 36 4
1934 It’s less conspicuous than when my dorsal fin sticks out of the water. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1935 He insists; just because I ate his surfboard by mistake. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1936 If you think this looks bad, stick your head up and get a look at the other half 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1937 He's too skinny. I'm taking him back to shore." Michael Rogness, St. Paul, MN 1.2821 0.04795 156 124 20 12
1938 They call it shark surfing. I call it playing with my food. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1939 Call it! Heads or tails? 1.2821 0.04046 156 116 36 4
1940 No one told me becoming vegan would lead to this! 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1941 It’s the takeout half off meal deal. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1942 I think the remoras are evolving. 1.2821 0.04097 156 119 31 6
1943 I signed on with Uber. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1944 Play it cool. It's for his PETA campaign against Shark fin soup. 1.2821 0.04619 156 122 24 10
1945 This guy better give me five stars. 1.2821 0.04483 156 123 23 10
1946 I thought it was a really big remora. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1947 Grab the other leg and let's make a wish. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1948 Catch up, dude. The fin thing is a dead give away. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1949 I finally got the monkey off my back, now this! 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1950 He a fantastic and loving husband, but the constant surfacing for him to breath is getting old. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1951 I’m codependent... 1.2821 0.04795 156 124 20 12
1952 I thought I'd help him find his surfboard before I eat him 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1953 He wanted to say goodbye to his family. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1954 I was full; I'm planning to finish it later on. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1955 He failed to jump the shark. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1956 You ordered the ‘Businessman Express’ lunch, Sir? 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1957 I’d eat this guy, but I’m still full from those plastic bags. 1.2821 0.04619 156 122 24 10
1958 white people 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1959 Do me a favor and eat this guy off my back 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1960 It's the least I could offer after eating his surfboard. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1961 Yeah, well, you should see his other half. Course, you can't. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1962 I know; I'm an embarrassment to my species" 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1963 Do me a favor and bite his leg. 1.2821 0.04246 156 121 29 6
1964 Hey, honey. Want to split a dessert? 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1965 I could only eat half of it. Just wasn’t that hungry. 1.2821 0.03782 156 126 21 9
1966 It's either this or extinction. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1967 Oh I thought it was a potluck! 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1968 I know this looks bad, but I'm just not hungry, okay? 1.2821 0.04046 156 116 36 4
1969 I got a summer job as a surfboard. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1970 I keep telling him I'm a fish not a mammal. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1971 So... What do you think? Should we get him now or save him for later? 1.2821 0.04619 156 122 24 10
1972 It's the latest thing in evolution - my own decoy! 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1973 ONE LAST TIME- I go low you go high 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1974 I'm so full. Do you want the bottom half? 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1975 I was going to eat him but my back is really feeling the benefit. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1976 I'm only eating locally sourced. This guy was flown in from DesMoines." 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1977 He’s starting to piss me off. 1.2821 0.03836 156 121 30 5
1978 It’s the same guy who was struck by lightning last week. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1979 It’s the latest millennial thing - shark yoga. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1980 If I stop swimming his shorts fall down. 1.2821 0.04619 156 122 24 10
1981 I told you my friend was a "stand-up" kind of guy 1.2821 0.03614 156 117 36 3
1982 Hi sweetie. Just wanted to show you that I am not a bottom feeder. 1.2821 0.04197 156 120 29 7
1983 Thanks,but I brought my lunch today. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1984 You know what’s been on my mind lately? 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1985 Great Meal Aboard" 1.2821 0.04147 156 120 31 5
1986 It's one of those no frills around the world cruise 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1987 I like to save the bottom half for dessert. 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1988 Do I look like a surfboard? 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1989 I've got the entree" 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1990 I brought you dinner. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1991 You'll have to talk to the man upstairs. 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1992 "The dolphin mask worked like a charm." 1.2821 0.04342 156 119 30 7
1993 They`re featuring me in a nature film - "When Fish Had Feet". 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1994 He doesn’t understand what jumping the shark really means! 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1995 He's got my back, Dude. Move on! 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1996 I was told to bring lunch. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1997 This guy walks on my back every Wednesday. Does wonders for my sciatica. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1998 I hope you didn't cook, I brought take-out." David and Miriam, Pacifica, C 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1999 They think he's standing on a sandbar. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
2000 I just can't shake this funny feeling. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
2001 Can I get back with you? I'm going to lunch. 1.2803 0.04271 157 122 27 8
2002 Heads he's mine. Tails he's yours. 1.2803 0.04025 157 117 36 4
2003 You can Venmo me for your half. 1.2803 0.03922 157 121 30 6
2004 I can't bite him. I'm an Uber driver. 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
2005 With that global warming I feel like eating salad only. 1.2803 0.04593 157 123 24 10
2006 My nutritionist told me I needed to balance my diet 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
2007 His toenails are a little sharp. 1.2803 0.04223 157 119 32 6
2008 This one is yours, the last one gave me heartburn. 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
2009 I ate half, and I'm saving the rest for a snack later. 1.2803 0.04271 157 122 27 8
2010 He ain't heavy he's my dinner. 1.2803 0.04223 157 119 32 6
2011 I was saving him for later, but I'm hungry now. Want a bite? 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
2012 Would you care to share my appetizer"? 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2013 Normally I'd be asking myself the same question, but his specialty is sshiatsu and my dorsal fin's been killing me. 1.2803 0.04025 157 117 36 4
2014 You had to choose NOW to suggest that we become Pescatarians?! 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
2015 Dibs on the crunchy part. 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2016 There's this great new takeout place down the coast. 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2017 I’ve had it up my neck with bloody tourists! 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2018 Would you like fries with that? 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2019 Is being vegan written all over my fins? 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
2020 Bringing lunch from home for a change. 1.2803 0.04075 157 120 31 6
2021 Did you order takeout? 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
2022 His Uber rating is a 4.7 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2023 I am beginning to rethink this Uber gig. 1.2803 0.04223 157 119 32 6
2024 Goat yoga is for sissies. 1.2803 0.04768 157 125 20 12
2025 I hope you don't mind, we're having take-out tonight. 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
2026 He likes a cigarette after we have sex. 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
2027 Take out is always best the day after. 1.2803 0.03816 157 123 29 5
2028 He wanted to impress his girlfriend but enough is enough! 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
2029 It helps with the cravings. 1.2794 0.05186 136 109 16 11
2030 You want this half? 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
2031 It's not my dream job, but he pays me scale. 1.2792 0.04652 154 121 23 10
2032 I lost a bet. 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
2033 It’s your Uber Eats fresh food delivery!” 1.2792 0.04742 154 122 21 11
2034 Make a wish. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2035 This is our version of meals on wheels 1.2792 0.04652 154 121 23 10
2036 He’s my spotter. 1.2792 0.04120 154 118 30 6
2037 'I thought you said he was supposed to jump'. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2038 I only eat them if they don’t tip. 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
2039 I've decided to go back on the Paleo diet. 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
2040 Weird. I heard him say “Hold my beer—watch this.” 1.2792 0.04742 154 122 21 11
2041 It's like Lyft and Uber Eats all in one. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2042 There's nothing better than an ashiatsu massage before dinner. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2043 Sea World has the nerve to call this "a promotion"? 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
2044 Wild, fresh caught! Help yourself! 1.2792 0.04171 154 116 33 5
2045 That disguise is not going to fool any of the swimmers, Sal. 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2046 The top half tasted great, I’m just way too full to finish up. 1.2792 0.04171 154 116 33 5
2047 Yeah, I can't believe it either. 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2048 Nah, too easy. 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
2049 I'm a total magnet for humans. 1.2792 0.04370 154 123 21 10
2050 Feels like remora, tastes like chicken. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2051 My other option was cataract surgery. 1.2792 0.04652 154 121 23 10
2052 I bet if you say, 'Hey look! A phone!" he'll jump down right away 1.2792 0.04171 154 116 32 5
2053 Well, it WAS a shared ride. 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2054 Bet you a fin I can flip him and catch him before you do a full circle. 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2055 He took me for a ride! 1.2792 0.04370 154 121 26 7
2056 They're paying me more than scale for Shark Week... 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2057 He asked for a ride once, and now it's, like, every day! 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
2058 I enjoy them dry on top and wet on the bottom. 1.2792 0.04652 154 121 23 10
2059 For once I'd like to see how the other half lives. 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
2060 I guess he thinks I'm a skate. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2061 I told the sucker I work for Uber. Now hurry home and tell the kids dinner's almost here. 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2062 Doctor says it will help me quit 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
2063 It's still better than wearing Crocs. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2064 You want to split an appetizer? 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
2065 He' ll teach me to walk I'll teach him to swim. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2066 The back massage comes with a lunch option. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
2067 The money is not great, but it's a job. 1.2792 0.04068 154 115 35 4
2068 Wait till he finds out where he really is. 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
2069 Hey Franck, by any chance, have you seen my lunch? 1.2781 0.04806 151 120 20 11
2070 I just got some takeout 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
2071 See if this is all that's left. 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
2072 He’s marinating. 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
2073 I can't get him of my back. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
2074 It was 'all-you-could-eat' night at that little bistro by the sand bar. 1.2781 0.04113 151 113 34 4
2075 Would you like the other half? 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
2076 He told me he'd keep an eye out for Robert Shaw. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
2077 Jaw, paper, fin?" 1.2781 0.04666 151 121 19 11
2078 He's outta his depth. 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
2079 I offered to give him some tips. He's a loan shark. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
2080 Should I tell him that he's out of his depth? 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
2081 I’m trying a more balanced approach to eating. 1.2781 0.04322 151 115 30 6
2082 Oh boy Surfer Surprise for dinner tonight! 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
2083 Lawyer, professional courtesy. 1.2781 0.04713 151 119 22 10
2084 I guess I can say good-bye to flaunting my dorsal fin. 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
2085 Why don’t you try swimming with people 1.2781 0.04322 151 115 30 6
2086 Well, he's a lawyer. And a very good one at that. 1.2781 0.04713 151 119 22 10
2087 I had to pick up a side gig for Uber. 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
2088 As you'd guess from the legs, this species is called the Pale White. 1.2781 0.04113 151 113 34 4
2089 Yeah, well, you should've seen the one that got away. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
2090 The idiot thinks I am a dolphin!! 1.2781 0.04322 151 115 30 6
2091 I heard you are a leg man. 1.2781 0.04897 151 121 18 12
2092 Grubhub delivery - did you order one whole swimmer and a coke? 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
2093 You're invading my territory again! This time I brought my lawyer. 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
2094 Did you know an estimated 100 million sharks are wantonly killed every year around the world? I think it is time we doing something about that, starting right here. 1.2752 0.04025 149 111 35 3
2095 I figure with the current state of politics they’ve got enough going on. 1.2752 0.04244 149 113 31 5
2096 Fast talking salesman... you go in for a massage, and come back with an edible periscope. 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
2097 It's a new reality show that's a mash up of Shark Tank and Survivor. 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
2098 If you order a decoy, spend the extra money for the model that waves its arms and screams Help! 1.2752 0.04553 149 116 25 8
2099 I'm just not in the mood for stalking and attacking tonight, dear, so I decided on carry-out. 1.2752 0.04244 149 113 31 5
2100 They just don't fear us anymore ever since those "Sharknado" movies came out. 1.2752 0.04297 149 116 26 7
2101 They've really become too comfortable after that Nemo movie. 1.2752 0.04553 149 116 25 8
2102 i try to remind myself: a caldera, the singularity, climate change, antibiotic resistance—something's gonna clip these dumbfucks. 1.2752 0.04748 149 118 21 10
2103 I've got to get my Uber driver rating back above 4 stars after last month's "incident". 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
2104 i'm saving half for dessert 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
2105 Play with your own food. 1.2752 0.04244 149 113 31 5
2106 8.25 isn't enough to have the customers just walk all over you. 1.2752 0.04553 149 116 25 8
2107 Well, I couldn't make anything by biting people, so I started being an Uber driver. 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
2108 Ya. It’s my lawyer! Professional courtesy...gets me real close to the beach! 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
2109 This dumb surfer dude thinks I'm a dolphin. I'm just taking him far enough out to sea that no one will hear his screams. 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
2110 Dang, I lost mine! 1.2752 0.04843 149 119 19 11
2111 Being a vegan is easy. Here, try a little I Can't Believe It's Not Human. 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
2112 May I recommend a nice cabernet sauvignon to go with the gentleman’s entree? 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
2113 You ordered the veggie lover, hold the sun screen. 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
2114 Yeah, I know I should eat him, but he promised me a part in the upcoming "Sharknado" sequel. 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
2115 Eat him! What an appalling idea! You won't find a better Ashiatsu master for miles! 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
2116 Lunch is weighing me down again. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2117 do i have something on my back? 1.2721 0.04585 147 115 24 8
2118 The wife didn’t feel like eating out so I picked up some fast food 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2119 Look! I found a wishbone. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2120 Does this make me look fat? 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2121 It's just that I'm not that hungry right now. 1.2721 0.04159 147 111 32 4
2122 What? I'm celebrating Human Week. 1.2721 0.04880 147 118 18 11
2123 It's a potluck 1.2721 0.04102 147 113 29 5
2124 Pity. He was only a couple feet short of the dolphin tank. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2125 SUP, man? 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2126 Should I? 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2127 First he called me Shamu, then... 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2128 I'll stay here while you grab dinner for us both. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2129 This model really works! Get ready for a feast when all the rescuers show up. 1.2721 0.04159 147 111 32 4
2130 I'm waiting for him to stop peeing. 1.2721 0.04685 147 116 22 9
2131 I can’t decide; shiatsu or lunch? 1.2721 0.04585 147 115 24 8
2132 Then pollution gets worse and worse each year. 1.2721 0.03928 147 109 36 2
2133 Seriously. What did you do with his surfboard? 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2134 I hate lawyers! 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2135 Not my fault. Said he was a chiropractor. 1.2721 0.04685 147 116 22 9
2136 Saving him for the barbecue on the 4th 1.2721 0.04585 147 115 24 8
2137 Can you get him off my back? 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2138 I thought I might as well bring lunch. 1.2721 0.04784 147 117 20 10
2139 Discovery Channel needs to up our pay. These Shark Week bits are getting ridiculous. 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2140 It’s similar to a monkey on my back but easier to get off. 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2141 I ordered my meal “to go.” 1.2721 0.04045 147 110 34 3
2142 It's called fashion, Carl. 1.2721 0.04880 147 118 18 11
2143 I already ate the top half, so sure you can have the rest... 1.2721 0.04045 147 110 34 3
2144 Emotional support pet for now,snack if it doesn't work out. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2145 He’s a Trump supporter 1.2721 0.04685 147 116 22 9
2146 He's in training to jump the shark. 1.2721 0.04214 147 114 27 6
2147 Humans are a pain in the neck 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2148 So when I roll, grab his leg... 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2149 You picked the wrong day to go vegetarian. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2150 And then they blame us for going after their legs... 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2151 From the surface we look like surf boards. 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2152 Sorry honey, but it sure beats your fin massages. 1.2721 0.04159 147 111 32 4
2153 I actually never been this close to one before. 1.2721 0.04784 147 117 20 10
2154 What kind of wine goes with shlump? 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2155 He is an instagram influencer. Says he can improve my click bait numbers. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2156 It's great as bait, but the temptation to snack on it is killing me. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2157 Who him? His name is Fonzi. 1.2721 0.04159 147 111 32 4
2158 It’s like shooting one of us in a barrel. 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
2159 My shrink says I keep giving up my power. 1.2721 0.04585 147 115 24 8
2160 I keep telling you, their carry out is the best” 1.2721 0.04585 147 115 24 8
2161 It's a new Olympic Water Sport. . Shark Attack. 1.2721 0.03619 147 114 29 4
2162 Grubhub. I was tired." 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2163 If your father sees you playing with humans again he’s going to bite your head off 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2164 I know, but I felt sorry for the skinny bastard. 1.2721 0.04159 147 111 32 4
2165 So next I flip it up into the air and catch it in my jaws. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2166 I have the answer to, “What’s for dinner tonight?” 1.2721 0.04685 147 116 22 9
2167 My plan is to take him six feet under. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
2168 Cool hat Mark. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
2169 I was fine with it till he started with the theme music. 1.2703 0.03906 148 123 17 8
2170 He’s with me. 1.2703 0.04351 148 114 28 6
2171 It's a living. 1.2703 0.04657 148 117 22 9
2172 Dark or light? 1.2703 0.04351 148 114 28 6
2173 I hate to burst his bubble. 1.2703 0.04456 148 115 26 7
2174 You're right, he's going to owe me one. 1.2703 0.04657 148 117 22 9
2175 Yeah, ok, fillet of sole. 1.2703 0.04558 148 116 24 8
2176 We have been here for 50 million years and all of a sudden these guys are stepping on us and scream bloody murder if we bite them. 1.2703 0.04134 148 112 32 4
2177 It's called Shark Lyft, and no you are not going to bite into my profits. 1.2703 0.04456 148 115 26 7
2178 I ate his surf board and he says I owe him." 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2179 Hey look at me! I’m Carmen Miranda. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
2180 We're bringing dessert. 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
2181 I picked it up on my way back from the keys, hopefully it'll go away on its own. 1.2690 0.04295 145 111 29 5
2182 This gig economy is killing me. 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
2183 The weather is getting warm and this is my first swimmer of the season. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
2184 After biting a chunk out of his surfboard, I thought that I owed him. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2185 I guess this guy never saw Jaws! 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
2186 Everyone takes advantage of vegans. 1.2690 0.04512 145 113 25 7
2187 He seems so comfortable I can’t bear to disturb him by rolling over and eating him yet. 1.2690 0.04295 145 115 23 7
2188 He's underwater financially and I want to be the lone shark. 1.2690 0.04820 145 116 19 10
2189 It's my turn to have the top portion. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2190 You take the left one and I’ll take the right. 1.2690 0.04065 145 109 33 3
2191 They said 'Nice board shorts,' but he heard 'nice bored sharks.' 1.2690 0.04238 145 113 26 6
2192 He's not heavy, I ate his brother!. 1.2690 0.04820 145 116 19 10
2193 Get washed up. Dinner's on the table. 1.2690 0.04512 145 113 25 7
2194 I'm willing to go halfsies. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2195 I find it causes less of a fuss than the fin. 1.2690 0.04512 145 113 25 7
2196 I just can’t seem to get this monkey off my back. 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
2197 If I eat him I'll lower my IQ score by 50. 1.2690 0.04820 145 116 19 10
2198 Damn global warming... 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2199 I'm his balance trainer, heh, heh. 1.2690 0.04182 145 110 31 4
2200 I ordered it this morning on Amazon. 1.2690 0.04295 145 111 29 5
2201 I pick them up for Uber, but I drop them off for Uber Eats. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
2202 There's too much news going around that sharks rarely bite humans. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2203 Shark surfing, it’s a thing. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2204 Have you seen the wife? 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
2205 I was catfished. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
2206 My agent says it might help our image. 1.2690 0.04182 145 110 31 4
2207 He will soon find out he's not on a sandbar. 1.2690 0.04512 145 113 25 7
2208 This attracts more snacks than letting my fin stick above the water. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2209 Soon he'll not have a leg to stand on. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2210 Just until my periscope gets back from the repair shop. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2211 It’s the El Chapo dorsal attachment. Gets a better reaction than the fin. 1.2676 0.04784 142 113 20 9
2212 You Frank? Good, here's your Scuber Eats delivery. 1.2676 0.04784 142 113 20 9
2213 This vegan diet is for the birds! 1.2676 0.04989 142 115 16 11
2214 Reparations. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2215 It pays the bills. 1.2676 0.04460 142 112 23 7
2216 I mean as if the tagging wasn't bad enough. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2217 I joined Lyft. This gig economy is getting me down. 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2218 I prefer mine with ketchup. 1.2676 0.04888 142 114 18 10
2219 It’s Trump! He can’t swim ! 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2220 Come on in ... I’m standing up! 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2221 I'm cutting my portions in half. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2222 My dermatologist tells me it is nothing to be concerned with. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2223 I can't decide to eat him or keep him as my personal masseuse. I must admit it feels good! 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2224 Animal, vegetable, or mineral? 1.2676 0.04171 142 113 24 5
2225 You know I am a vegan, Jessica. 1.2676 0.04888 142 114 18 10
2226 Apparently it is a form of extreme surfing. Let's hope it doesn't catch on 1.2676 0.04111 142 107 32 3
2227 Where's Katy Perry? 1.2676 0.04888 142 114 18 10
2228 Dude thinks he's Aqua-man. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2229 They've become a lot more brazen since that cute baby shark song. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2230 The jerk thinks I'm a coral reef- what the hell could I do??! 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2231 I thought this was a potluck! 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2232 But I like to play with my food! 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2233 Well, at least we're not at Sea World. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2234 We’re not allowed to bite until he learns to tread water. 1.2676 0.03924 142 108 31 3
2235 It's a Finn. 1.2676 0.03377 142 114 23 5
2236 Well at least he’s no longer skateboarding. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2237 Ask him to move back and to the right. 1.2676 0.04230 142 108 30 4
2238 So, I see yours jumped the shark. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2239 They gave me honorable mention for the ‘Family Beach Camouflaged Hat’ category. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2240 They're better marinated. 1.2676 0.04111 142 107 32 3
2241 What do you mean I have food on my face? 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2242 Unfortunately we do not have a leg to stand on. 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2243 I am a stand in for Shark Week 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2244 We call the service “Unter.” 1.2676 0.04516 142 113 20 8
2245 It's called 'symbiosis' Jim. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2246 Wanna give him a pedicure? 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2247 I have a feeling 'Jaws 5: Shark Surfer' is going to flop! 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2248 Don't even ask where I got this, I'm fed up with you always copying my style. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2249 I told you going vegan was a bad idea. 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
2250 He said we could switch after 5 minutes. Its been 20 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2251 I'm keeping an eye on that undertoe. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2252 This is what it takes to be a Superhost. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2253 My wife wants me to save money. I'm taking my lunch to work. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2254 I thought volunteer work would be easy 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2255 Just let it go, Josh. The poor bastard is up there screaming 'California Dreaming' at the top of his lungs. 1.2676 0.04111 142 107 32 3
2256 I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting to this new balanced diet. 1.2676 0.03987 142 106 34 2
2257 He’s worse than a lamprey! 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2258 Damn millennials. 1.2676 0.03987 142 106 34 2
2259 You're so late that I decided to start lunch without you. 1.2676 0.04784 142 113 20 9
2260 How about we split 50-50? 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2261 I ordered carry out, and they served me the counter man. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2262 No, he can’t hang ten. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2263 I always get mine "to go." 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2264 Which half do you want? 1.2676 0.04888 142 114 18 10
2265 My therapist thinks I should strengthen my collaborative spirit. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2266 It's the latest; UBER du Mer. I set my own work schedule. After training I received a discount card for seal sushi and if the client is overly abusive I can eat the them. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
2267 I know! I know! I lost a bet! 1.2676 0.04230 142 108 30 4
2268 Guess we'll have to go a little deeper for privacy, dear. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
2269 He came into the Tank promising his “patent pending” online beachwear had amazing sales and growth. Now I’m literally keeping him afloat. 1.2676 0.05088 142 116 14 12
2270 I love getting my weekly shiatsu! 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2271 People give me a headache 1.2657 0.04543 143 112 24 7
2272 I can set my own hours and don't need a medallion. 1.2643 0.04489 140 109 25 6
2273 I love posing as a sandbar before dinner. 1.2643 0.04713 140 111 21 8
2274 This new diet is crushing me with everything I can't eat 1.2643 0.04005 140 105 33 2
2275 Hurry and take a pic for my Instagram page! 1.2643 0.04602 140 110 23 7
2276 He's a dentist. Can he fix my bite? 1.2643 0.04602 140 110 23 7
2277 Well, at least I'm employed. 1.2643 0.04713 140 111 21 8
2278 That's the last time I'll make a wager with Jimmy Buffett. 1.2643 0.04254 140 107 29 4
2279 Yes. I am relaxing, Master, I am taking slow breathes in and out of both gills...I feel like a peaceful swaying kelp flower..... but I still want to bite something. 1.2643 0.04489 140 109 25 6
2280 He said his Grandfather was on the Indianapolis, that's why. 1.2643 0.04132 140 106 31 3
2281 He's ours. You bring the avocado and I'll bring the cilantro. 1.2643 0.04926 140 113 17 10
2282 I lost a bet with him, sucks, embarrassing. 1.2643 0.04713 140 111 21 8
2283 The waters getting warmer, and I actually hope it’s climate change 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2284 Why do I always get stuck with the drumsticks? 1.2609 0.04460 138 110 21 7
2285 Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to play with your food? 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2286 I’d eat his foot but it smells bad. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2287 This will be his last selfie 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2288 He didn’t get the memo - it’s JUMP the shark idiot! 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2289 'Extreme surfing, it's going to be the next big thing.' 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2290 Do you think he can surf with one leg? 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2291 Maybe I was a dolphin in my past life! 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 30 3
2292 But my back was killing me. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2293 He thinks he’s in the shallows. 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 30 3
2294 I brought it home, you get it ready for dinner. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2295 You should see the other half. 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2296 I know, I know, but I like the way his toes tickle my back. 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2297 He said he's got an idea to get us on "Shark Tank." 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2298 This second job as an Uber driver is really breaking my back. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2299 I'm giving him a leg up before I take it. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2300 He's head and shoulders above the rest. 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2301 Surfers! 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 30 3
2302 I like a bit of ashiatsu massage before dinner. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2303 It's Michael Ovitz...I'm helping him with his comeback 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2304 If I flip him, I get first dibs. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2305 Kiss me and I will Share. 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2306 Actually, I'm waiting until dinner time. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2307 Get paid to advertise on your head” 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2308 As soon as I get hungry he won't have a leg to stand on. 1.2609 0.04340 138 109 23 6
2309 White meat - again! 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2310 Just wait, he won't have a leg to stand on. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2311 This vegan diet is driving me crazy. 1.2609 0.05071 138 113 14 11
2312 He promised that I would star in the remake of “Jaws”. 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 30 3
2313 It beats trying to use my fin for the itch on my back. 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 29 3
2314 His wife said to surprise him. 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2315 It's this new thing called Uber Shark. You should sign up. 1.2609 0.04024 138 112 21 5
2316 I'm so sorry honey. I couldn't find a chubby one this week. 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2317 I'm a rebel, Ma. I'll play with my food. 1.2609 0.04857 138 111 18 9
2318 So, now I'm a loan shark. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2319 Yes, I am STILL working on it! 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2320 Let's see how they like it when we take one of their Finns 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2321 Grown up shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo … 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2322 He thinks he's on solid footing... watch this. 1.2609 0.04279 138 106 28 4
2323 I see this as a glass half empty/glass half full dilemma. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2324 He ain’t heavy, he’s my chum 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2325 I cannot say he won’t be eaten. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
2326 Uber shark, my ass. 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2327 White meat or dark meat? 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
2328 Ashiatsu, followed by a protein snack, usually uplifts me from the slough of despond. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2329 I think he needs glasses. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2330 The worst part is being taken for granted. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2331 Here, you can have the bottom half. 1.2593 0.04135 135 105 26 4
2332 Get Spielberg on the line. He needs to make another one 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2333 It's totally copasetic. I get the surfers, he gets their boards. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2334 About 80,000 calories, wanna split it? 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2335 Should've voted for Beto. 1.2593 0.04928 135 109 17 9
2336 Don't tell me you thought he really walked on water 1.2593 0.03929 135 101 33 1
2337 Would you trim a little off the top? 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2338 Please, Doc! You gotta help me get this monkey off my back! 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2339 Your turn for "William Tell" 1.2593 0.02872 135 107 26 2
2340 I’ve already had my day’s limit. Any interest? 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2341 I make chum change, but it’s a steady gig. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2342 Hor d'oeuvres at 5:00 PM OK? 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2343 Thought he could jump the shark! 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2344 I never leave without a packed lunch on my back. 1.2593 0.04067 135 102 31 2
2345 He thinks he's having a fabulous ride on his surfboard 1.2593 0.03712 135 107 24 4
2346 It is called Ride Sharing. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2347 I like mine semi-dry, shaken, not stirred. 1.2593 0.04928 135 109 17 9
2348 Your turn, I need to go down 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
2349 Professional courtesy, he’s an attorney. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2350 He'd better not start peeing... 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2351 Well, how did YOU think he walked on water, Ezekiel? 1.2593 0.03401 135 113 18 4
2352 I didn’t know what having a monkey on my back really meant... 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2353 I decided to try the new take-out spot everybody’s been raving about. 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
2354 Incredible balance and breathe control. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2355 Love your morsel fin 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2356 He asked if he could just stick around to so show his girlfriend” 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2357 It worked! Here comes his buddy! 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2358 Sorry I can't fish with you today; he doesn't know how to swim. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2359 Ugh . . . what fresh hell is this? 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2360 You can eat him after he’s done giving me a back rub. 1.2593 0.04331 135 112 16 7
2361 That does it! I'm moving outta his wifi range. 1.2593 0.04201 135 106 26 3
2362 I think it’s time for a remake of jaws. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2363 This seal mistook me for a surfboard. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2364 I’m in anger management therapy. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2365 His feet tickle 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2366 ‘’This is when my psychology degree comes in handy,let him think he’s the one in control and his friends will want to join him.’’ 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2367 Here's betting he never saw Jaws 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2368 Well, how do you carry “take-out”? 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2369 Lyft wasn't kidding about inclusion! 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2370 Scram! After he takes the selfie, he's my lunch. 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2371 The best I could manage is a visual decoy. We are still working on a human call. 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2372 Just be honest with me, how bad does it look? 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
2373 I know... I know it's unbecoming.... but the dude has a wicked Oriental foot massage technique. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2374 Thanks to global warming, Sharq is the new Lyft. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2375 He’ll attract the tastier ones 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2376 This is what I get for eating his board. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2377 I gave him a choice. Be my periscope, or be my lunch. 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
2378 'Dolphin gigs pay.' 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2379 If my daddy could see me now. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2380 I felt guilty for taking a bite out of his surfboard 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
2381 Whadd ya mean , 'four squid is TOO much for a skinny one'? You do the shopping next time. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2382 He thinks he's riding the crest of success. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2383 It’s professional courtesy- he’s a lawyer who got in over his head. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2384 Yes, Uber is hiring. 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2385 It's that damned "Baby Shark" song I blame for ruining our reputation 1.2593 0.03786 135 110 19 6
2386 My job is to catch the guys who don't get the metaphor. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2387 He's just a chum. 1.2593 0.04456 135 105 25 5
2388 I took him to Key West and now he wants to go to Mara Lago 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
2389 He’s from Sea World 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2390 You're right. It is a bit like shiatsu. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2391 I could eat. All I had today was a bagel. 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2392 Pilot fish are so passé 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2393 Hang Ten? How about Eat One 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2394 The doctor says it’s just a cyst. 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
2395 I wasn’t that hungry so I’ll finish it later. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2396 Dinner's on the table. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2397 Periscope up! 1.2593 0.03999 135 108 20 6
2398 Uber is thinking of expanding into new markets 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
2399 I like working for Uber Eats. 1.2593 0.04928 135 109 17 9
2400 Do you want the legs? I'm not a fan of dark meat. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2401 If they take a selfie and don’t tag me, I eat them. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2402 No Bob, it’s called ashiatsu massage. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
2403 Can you feel bone spurs 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2404 Technically, I caught him first !! 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2405 Did you tell him we charge for rides? 1.2574 0.04549 136 107 23 6
2406 As soon as this guy gets off my back, we'll have that duel. 1.2574 0.04549 136 107 23 6
2407 Don't look at me like that! YOU had a monitoring device attached just last year! 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2408 It's called 'yoga'. I hear the humans do it with goats in Portland. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2409 Jaws wouldn't let this stand. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2410 I'm just really full right now. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2411 Did anyone order Scuba Eats? 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2412 I work as a tourist trap. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2413 I call it a periscope. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2414 I'm saving this half for later. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2415 Now do you believe I used to work at Sea World? 1.2556 0.04356 133 108 18 7
2416 I can raise the average IQ in this ocean during lunch. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2417 Jaws is finally out of syndication. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2418 This is why I'm always humming "Duh-dumb, duh-dumb" before I eat these things. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2419 Apparently the 'live surfboard' - thing is a trend now. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2420 Well, it's a living... 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2421 I packed a lunch today. You? 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2422 I blame hoverboards. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2423 Damn. Always when I’m meditating. Can you get this one? 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2424 Well it’s better than being shark fin soup. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2425 I'm stuffed after that last swimmer, but please, feel free to help yourself. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2426 He just made partner. 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
2427 We'll have leftovers for dinner, is that O K with you? 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2428 Because then I'd have to find a new chiropractor, genius. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2429 I considered Lyft, but Uber gets me more business. 1.2556 0.02953 133 111 19 3
2430 It's like Uber, for sharks. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2431 What ever happened to the thrill of the hunt? 1.2556 0.04610 133 107 19 7
2432 It's not my taste but I got it half off. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2433 New hood ornament. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2434 Bad timing for us starting that vegetarian diet, Marshall. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2435 Where's baby shark? 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2436 I think it's a wishbone. Make a wish and on the count of three ... 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2437 I'm scared - he's a loan shark! 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2438 If only this guy knew how "in over his head" he really is. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2439 He raised me from birth. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2440 I like to marinate my meat first. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2441 So he doesn't realise he's standing on shaky ground. Are you going to tell him? 1.2556 0.03944 133 105 24 4
2442 White man’s always keepin’ me down, man. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2443 Apparently this is the new tracking tag system. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2444 Enough of this, Are you ready to make a trade? 1.2556 0.04967 133 108 16 9
2445 So, okay, Mom, I turned Vegan - you gonna tell Dad? 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2446 I'll give this guy 10 seconds to get off my back! 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2447 Well sure, it's embarrassing, but if Clara found out I've eaten between meals I'd never hear the end of it. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2448 I haven't the heart to let him know I'm not a rock. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2449 They always taste better without a struggle. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2450 Do I have a parasite on my back? 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2451 It’s a new anti man-eating intervention program. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2452 Here’s your meat order! 1.2556 0.05191 133 110 12 11
2453 I know, I know. "Don't play with your food." 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2454 Wait'll he decides to step off! 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2455 There's a new sushi takeout sandbar – off the west end of the pier. 1.2556 0.04548 133 107 19 7
2456 It’s simple: you take one, I take the other, and each of us makes a wish. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2457 Ok, I'm trying to get with the new "Kindness PR" thing for sharks, but this is way too irritating! 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2458 Great for your back, though 1.2556 0.04290 133 105 23 5
2459 Better than that shiatsu chair I bought. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2460 Let me finish rehearsing for my audition at Sea World first. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2461 And then when back feels better, you eat it! 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2462 Uber Boat may pay the bills, but nothing beats Uber Eats. 1.2556 0.04356 133 106 22 5
2463 Seriously?" "I know... I just didn't have the heart to tell him... 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
2464 He keeps calling me “Flipper” too. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2465 He aint heavy. He's my brother. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2466 Would you like to invite him for dinner, or shall I? 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2467 I've never recovered from life at Sea World. 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
2468 He's an apex predator. What else am I supposed to do? 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2469 Sorry, I’ve gone keto. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2470 Kevin, please don’t tell my dad... 1.2556 0.03229 133 108 21 4
2471 I haven't been eating between meals. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2472 I believe I was a surfboard in a previous life. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2473 In my previous life as a dog, I learned to balance treats on my nose. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2474 He requested one last selfie. 1.2556 0.04155 133 104 25 4
2475 They ran out of doggie bags. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2476 He feeds me. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2477 This politically correct thing is starting to grate 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2478 I thought this kind of stuff ended when Steve Irwin died. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2479 It's Mueller. He's riding it out. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2480 I’ve always wanted to be a dolphin. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2481 Don't laugh, that itch was driving me crazy. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2482 You know, I've heard of white privilege but this is ridiculous. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2483 He has no idea ! 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2484 I just don't have the heart to move. He thinks I'm a sandbar. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2485 He thinks this is the shallow end and I don't have the heart to tell him. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2486 He's not heavy, he's my brother. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2487 People are friends, not food. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2488 I am regretting being a pescatarian... 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2489 Is there something on me? 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2490 Fishing. Can you believe it? 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2491 I would have eaten fewer of them had I known how good it feels to have them walk on my back. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2492 Jeez Bob. The boss has been on my back all week! 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2493 The stand-up paddleboard craze has brought me a lot of new clients. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2494 Humans are friends, not food Jim. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2495 Support sharks are allowed now." 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2496 Got any ketchup? 1.2556 0.04223 133 106 22 5
2497 Our dining experience just isn't the same. He hasn't looked up from his phone once. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2498 Yes it's stylish, but the screaming is starting to bother me. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2499 No cafeteria for me - I brought my lunch. 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
2500 After we eat him, we can break the wishbone. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2501 Let's split it...one leg each. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2502 I think that's President Trump looking for his golf ball. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2503 Stopped smoking weeks ago but there is still a monkey on my back. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2504 This guy must have gills of steel. I've been trying to drown him for hours. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2505 Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2506 I'm tired of dining on all of these free loaders." 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2507 He says it’s symbiotic, but I feel like he’s walking all over me. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2508 When it's my turn, I'll have him stick his head in my mouth. 1.2556 0.02753 133 108 22 3
2509 He's all yours. I'll be the dolphin this time. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2510 I’m full. I thought I’d leave the rest for you. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2511 Soon he'll have to change his name to Bob. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2512 He gave up standing on principle long ago. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2513 His Thai massage is to die for! 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2514 Uber and Lyft pay better, but maybe he’ll hang ten 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2515 I don't like this job either, bit it pays the rent. 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
2516 I can’t seem to get this monkey off my back,Stan. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
2517 I saw him first! 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2518 Let's grab lunch. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2519 They are calling it Scuber. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2520 He got 'Standing on the shoulder of giants' all wrong. 1.2556 0.04967 133 108 16 9
2521 Well, there are benefits for me too. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2522 I said, "Okay, sure you can swim with the sharks, but who the hell gave them permission to stand on us?" 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2523 It may look demeaning, but I'm told it's called 'rideshare'. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2524 The joke’s wearing fin. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2525 He wants one last selfie. 1.2556 0.04421 133 106 21 6
2526 Show a little professional courtesy to a lawyer, then what? 1.2556 0.04732 133 109 17 7
2527 Let him post a few selfies first. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2528 Jaws" Guilt... 1.2556 0.04086 133 101 30 2
2529 I'll play along for now 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
2530 I'm not exactly getting paid for the shoot, but I'll get a vignette in the special features. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2531 He's an "ocean half full" kinda guy. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2532 Have you seen the guy with the tasty looking legs? 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2533 Just wait ‘til he tries to hang-ten. 1.2556 0.04851 133 109 15 9
2534 He’s my midnight snack. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2535 It's the latest new spa package - Thai massage, then lunch. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
2536 Don't tell the guys, but I volunteer at You-Can-Swim on Fridays. 1.2556 0.05191 133 110 12 11
2537 These Shark Week photographers are getting pretty bold. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
2538 He started with with praise and small fishes just like he did with the Orcas. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
2539 So, I launched into my Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry impersonation. I said 'you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?' Epic non reaction. Zip, zero, nada." 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
2540 Lunch? No! It's Seaworld's first rodeo. 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
2541 It's not deep..... 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
2542 This is why I'm hoping a Jaws reboot gets greenlit 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
2543 Trust me, it's better than my last job. 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
2544 Why do you think he keeps saying, "I am proud to stand on the shoulders of those who came before me!"? 1.2519 0.04175 131 103 24 4
2545 I can’t believe you DON’T have one, Trevor. It’s the latest fashion. 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
2546 We'll attack after he posts his selfie. 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
2547 The feet feel really nice but I’m conflicted about the nature vs nurture thing. 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
2548 They're calling it "sharking." 1.2519 0.04766 131 105 19 7
2549 What do you mean, what’s in it for you? 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
2550 Mine's to go. 1.2500 0.04150 128 98 28 2
2551 Thought I’d get a foot massage before dinner. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2552 Lighten up, it's casual Friday. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2553 I can't eat him he owes me money, so I'm forced to carry him for awhile. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2554 Too easy. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2555 If he shouts "Cowabunga!" one more time he's an appetizer. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2556 Where's the respect. 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2557 Just bringing some leftovers to a potluck. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2558 I rented myself out as a floatation device. Imagine his surprise when he gets the bill. 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2559 This is the worst back massage I've ever gotten in my life. 1.2500 0.03679 128 106 18 4
2560 Professional courtesy to lawyers Frank Buckley Andover, MA 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2561 At least with Scuber I get to set my own hours. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2562 Our relation is somelike long distance relation but more itimate. 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2563 I'm sick of this topping. 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
2564 I'm training him to attract bait. 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2565 Welcome to Long Island, where they used to fear us 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2566 When I volunteered to be a "support" animal, I thought it meant emotional support. 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
2567 Get out of the way, I need five stars for this ride. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2568 It's a new fad with a huge downside 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
2569 Did you order the human? 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2570 The kids wanted takeout. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2571 You ordered Jake tartare? 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2572 What are you looking at? Human bait is the new cologne. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2573 My therapist said to keep calm but...he's really pushing my limits here 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2574 False sense of security, and then breakfast. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2575 Of course I'm hesitating--I was a broker in my previous life. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2576 He won the Shark Tank, and I lost. 1.2500 0.05083 128 105 14 9
2577 Yeah, I know. Humans and their last wishes 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
2578 He thinks he’s walking on water. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2579 Pet humans suck! 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2580 A stand in for JAWS 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2581 Did you eat the top half? 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2582 Do we really want to attack the last member of the species that doesn't believe in global warming? 1.2500 0.04078 132 101 29 2
2583 I'm just giving him a false sense of security. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2584 It's the new ride share called aqualyft. 1.2500 0.03293 132 109 19 4
2585 I’ll split him with you if you get him off my back 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2586 Ever heard of the Marshmallow Test? 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2587 I knew I shouldn't have become a vegetarian... 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2588 Take-out for lunch 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2589 He thinks I’m Flipper, lol 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2590 Yeah! They’re not even as meaty as the chicken wings down at The Ocean Club. 1.2500 0.04285 132 105 22 5
2591 ewwwmooommmmm! getitoffgetitoffgeitofffffff!!! 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2592 If you can't eat 'em, buoy 'em. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2593 Once you deliver them to their destinations, you get to eat 25%. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2594 Yeah, but the pay is good. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2595 He has a long-running television show that’s about to make no sense. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2596 I caught this one off the coast oF Long Island 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2597 The flailing is more inspired when they're well rested. 1.2500 0.04217 132 105 23 4
2598 It's my lawyer, he's like family. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2599 It's a little demeaning, but my small business is thriving. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2600 Too lean for me. Wanna try a bite? 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2601 And we look nothing like surfboards. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2602 Harvard Law. I'm stuck with him for the next twelve weeks. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2603 Yes, but I’m a lot more tempted when he hangs ten. 1.2500 0.04960 128 104 16 8
2604 I’m packing a lunch. 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2605 Just download the app: It’s “sharx” with an “x” 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2606 So I started driving for SCUBER . I mean I’m back and forth anyway. 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2607 it's like their marshmallow test, Dear... just eat him right now and risk the beach closing down...or wait 15minutes and feast when all his idiot buddies join! 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2608 They really are atop of the food chain? 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2609 He thinks he can still touch here. At this point I don’t know how to leave. 1.2500 0.04854 132 107 17 8
2610 The top half was tasty, but the bottom is stuck on my fin 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2611 Next time I`ll go for the deep tissue, instead of the Thai massage. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2612 The hard part was finding a taxidermist for this trophy. 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2613 What he can't see can't hurt him. 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2614 Watch me do a 180 and end this stand up paddle boarding craze forever. 1.2500 0.04854 132 107 17 8
2615 He thinks he is on his surfboard! 1.2500 0.04854 132 107 17 8
2616 It was funnier in the conception than the execution. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2617 Did you call UberEats? 1.2500 0.04285 132 105 22 5
2618 They would call it chum. 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2619 I just can't bring myself to do it. It feels soooo good. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2620 I'm going to be late tonight. ...my boss has been on my back all week. 1.2500 0.04960 128 104 16 8
2621 Uber went under. 1.2500 0.03706 132 106 22 4
2622 You smell something fishy? 1.2500 0.05087 132 109 13 10
2623 The invitation said "Bring you own food". 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2624 I don't know what it is got into me made me discover my compassionate nature somehow... 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
2625 It sucks being vegan. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
2626 It's a steady gig until they get the L train fixed... 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2627 Wanna' see something funny? 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2628 He hasn’t seen the movie yet! 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
2629 Are you a Nurse Shark? He's gonna need you 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2630 Nah, this one's an hors d'oeuvre. 1.2500 0.04078 132 106 23 3
2631 Adjusts my cartilage, then he's a snack. What's better than that! 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2632 We gotta start targeting these millennials. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2633 I like a balanced diet. 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
2634 Human interaction really weighs me down. 1.2500 0.05083 128 105 14 9
2635 'Super Glue." 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2636 I'm going to give him a few more minutes, then it's lunch time. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2637 It’s almost too easy nowadays. 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
2638 He pays $500 a month in rent. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
2639 Swimming with dolphins was one thing, but surfing with sharks...? 1.2500 0.04150 128 98 28 2
2640 The last time I ate legs like that,I became a vegetarian. 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2641 I don't think I can tolerate this guys white privilege much longer. 1.2500 0.04960 128 104 16 8
2642 I hate when they don’t bring the food all at once, please, go ahead.... 1.2500 0.04418 132 106 20 6
2643 I ate his surf board and this is what the judge came up with. It's only on the weekends until i can come up with the cash. But you can eat him if you want... 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2644 First they came for the whales... 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
2645 Slim pickens this season. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2646 I was raised in Seaworld. 1.2500 0.04224 128 101 23 4
2647 Yes I know, for 400 million years we were the undisputed apex predators, but pasty-leggs here is a cutthroat big Pharma lobbyist! 1.2481 0.04801 129 104 18 7
2648 How about this, he thinks he can get a free ride. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2649 Stupid humans - in over their head and they never know it! 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2650 It's community service 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2651 He followed me home; can I keep him? 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2652 Are you ready to make a wish? 1.2460 0.04534 126 102 18 6
2653 I know it's unconventional, but it really helps loosen up my back. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2654 It's called symbiosis, Barry. I get a back massage and he gets to not be lunch. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2655 This is the next step after swimming with dolphins. It's also the last step. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2656 Lay off Killer. Our PR has been terrible since Jaws. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2657 My doctor said I need to have a more balanced diet. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2658 Humans...it's like they're trying to get eaten 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2659 He said he’s a fascinator. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2660 I wish they’d cut their toenails. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2661 He's outside my HMO coverage,but what he does for my dorsal pain is worth it's weight in seal. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2662 The polls say it makes me less threatening. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2663 The hardest part is giving up human. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2664 Okay, but I only sold out to A man, not THE man. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2665 Its an experiment, see if we can develop a symbiotic relationship. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2666 I deal with this every year during Shark Week 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2667 Supposedly the adjustments will help with my lower fin issues. We'll see. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2668 I am planning on a light lunch. 1.2460 0.04169 126 97 27 2
2669 I keep telling him he's going to need a bigger shark. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2670 If this is what he thought they meant by 'swimming with the sharks', I'm going to show him what it means to put 'foot in mouth'. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2671 He will be de-feeted! 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2672 He says he's The Fonz and he's going to ruin television forever. 1.2460 0.05125 126 104 13 9
2673 This joker is about to get a food chain lesson he'll never forget. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2674 It's part of the corporate training they're making us do called Being the Master of Your Impulses or some such b.s. like that. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2675 He used to keep a lookout perched on someone else's gigantic tail. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2676 Vegan sucks. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2677 Of course I could eat him. But you forgot I’m a vegan. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2678 Life at the aquatic park sure isn’t Jaws, is it?” Robert Van Brocklin, Portland, Ore 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2679 I hear this all started with goat yoga. 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2680 Hazel stared in stony silence. Once again George brought home the dark meat, having selfishly eaten all the white meat on the way home. 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2681 I'm using him as bait for something meatier 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2682 HE THOUGHT THEY SAID BAREFOOT IN THE PARK, NOT SHARK 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2683 That's it. I'm so done entertaining people at SeaWorld. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2684 You want a Piece of this? 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2685 He just said come on in the water's fine. Tell the kids dinner will be ready in two minutes." 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2686 They tell me it will improve my sex life. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2687 This is my final test in my weight loss management course. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2688 The stupid ones taste terrible! 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2689 I have no qualms about eating something that stupid. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2690 Sorry, I forgot the milk. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2691 This new yoga is all the rage...humans climb on your back. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2692 Listen, I’m sick of this Circue de Soleil stuff. It’s your turn! 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2693 Yeah, I know how it looks, but Dolphin World was the only one hiring. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2694 Seriously, how did we manage before Instagram? 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2695 What... like you don't have any fetishes? 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2696 I told you I'd get a leg up on you. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2697 I thought it looked nice... But if you really hate it that much, I’ll return it. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2698 I'm his Uber Pool. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2699 Don’t say a word...he was dog paddling and got tired, what was I suppose to do? 1.2460 0.04169 126 97 27 2
2700 Well this can't make my scoliosis any better. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2701 Sure, take it. But the upper half gave me gas. 1.2460 0.04014 126 96 29 1
2702 Where would you like to have dinner tonight? 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2703 I always thought that "headstand" was something different! 1.2460 0.03852 126 100 23 3
2704 I brought my lunch today. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2705 I've got a bite. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2706 Don't laugh, it keeps the dorsal fin from showing. I can get super close before they realize I'm about to attack. 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2707 He took a thorn out of my paw. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2708 Dude, make him hang five 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2709 I prefer the pilot fish cleaning 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2710 So I figured, what the hell, why not moonlight as a Segway? 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2711 This one is a slam-dunk. I dunk him. You slam him. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2712 Karl, don't play with your food. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2713 Ocean Uber Eats 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2714 But I do kinda admire his chutzpah 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2715 I'll do dinner tonight. 1.2460 0.04014 126 96 29 1
2716 He won’t swim with us. He says wading is safer. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2717 I’m working PR for Animal Planet 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2718 Amuse-bouche? 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2719 I've had this persistent headache since shark surfing became a trend. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2720 Just let them think you're a dolphin. We'll catch more that way. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2721 It's called a Watsu massage, it was developed by some hippie in California. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2722 His fearless naivety was so endearing I couldn't eat him. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2723 Wait! He says his older brother will be bigger and tastier than he is. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2724 Go ahead and laugh, I'm trying out a 'Stand Up' comedy routine 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2725 In five minutes time he won't have a leg to stand on 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2726 Its not my fault it you didn't pack a lunch 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2727 That's what happens when you go vegan. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2728 I just can’t shake the addiction ! They’re so delicious, but a bitch to clean ! 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2729 I'm just waiting for it to marinate. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2730 You're late! Dinner's getting cold 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2731 I just ate, so I'm keeping him for tomorrow. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2732 It's not what you think! 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2733 I don't want to drive Uber forever, but it pays the bills for now. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2734 The hindquarters are not kosher. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2735 ... and they think they are at the top of the food chain. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2736 Obviously he hasn't seen Jaws"... 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2737 Yeah, he wants to settle down but you know me. I have to keep moving. 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2738 He’s holding my phone. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
2739 I’ll admit, Uber Surfing is a niche market, but lunch is free. 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2740 One Man's Uber is another Shark's Grubhub. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2741 I'm trying. I'm really trying." 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2742 I bit his surfboard in half and this is part of the settlement. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2743 Is this a good wishbone or what? 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2744 Let's just say he's my wingman. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2745 I can't talk now. My food is burning. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2746 I'm a surfboard. This is my life now. 1.2439 0.05077 123 101 14 8
2747 Never fails. These inflatable humans always manage to scare the baby sharks. 1.2439 0.04808 123 99 18 6
2748 It’s a symbiotic relationship so back off. 1.2439 0.04808 123 99 18 6
2749 He's on thin ice, well, was on thin ice. 1.2439 0.04667 123 98 20 5
2750 My overbite is the problem. 1.2439 0.04944 123 100 16 7
2751 For dramatic effect I have him make the “dunn dun, dunn dun” noise as I approach the shore. 1.2439 0.04667 123 98 20 5
2752 I've been working for Green Surfboard for a year now. 1.2439 0.04808 123 99 18 6
2753 If the rest is anything like the legs, he’s all yours. 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
2754 Apparently jumping the shark is now passe. 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
2755 I know, I know. I'm too aggressive-passive. 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
2756 I’m helping out with the shark watch.” 1.2439 0.04808 123 99 18 6
2757 What? I can't get a massage once in a while? 1.2419 0.04341 124 97 24 3
2758 My favorite, swimmer surprise! 1.2419 0.04341 124 97 24 3
2759 I never go anywhere without a snack. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
2760 Yeah, but if I get hungry, I just dive. 1.2419 0.04341 124 97 24 3
2761 This is EXACTLY what it looks like. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
2762 Well, he's a lawyer so its a professional courtesy thing. 1.2419 0.05040 124 102 14 8
2763 Yeah, but have you seen the hair on his back? 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4