Contest #660


Cartoon

660

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Worse than a cold. It's a common cold.”
  2. “On the bright side, I've got some good news for the Prince.”
  3. “The robe is supposed to open in the back.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-04-28T21:02:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-05-12T21:02:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-05-06T21:02:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued May 13, 2019
Number of captions 7154
Number of responses 1109788
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 I’m afraid we’ve found a problem with the Crown Jewels. 2.2048 0.00698 12083 2576 4457 5050
1 Worse than a cold. It's a common cold. 2.2039 0.00660 12670 2470 5147 5053
2 On the bright side, I've got some good news for the prince. 2.0894 0.00760 10878 2976 3954 3948
3 Under pre-existing conditions, why did you write 'Frog'? 2.0700 0.00812 9956 2944 3371 3641
4 Well lets just say Long live the King may be a bit on the optimistic side 2.0646 0.00806 8834 2265 3733 2836
5 Well, the good news is, it’s not just a pain in the ass; it’s a royal pain in the ass. 2.0415 0.00748 11169 3270 4165 3734
6 Experiencing any trouble on the throne? 2.0409 0.00745 10913 3091 4285 3537
7 Well, King Midas, you really shouldn’t have touched that area. 1.9883 0.00778 10643 3488 3791 3364
8 It’s not a king’s ransom, it’s your co-pay. 1.9759 0.00772 10367 3329 3959 3079
9 Yes, if you prefer, we can call them king crabs. 1.9352 0.01339 3768 1403 1206 1159
10 So you want to become a Queen? 1.9318 0.00916 7835 2860 2649 2326
11 This may be your kingdom but you’re out of our network 1.9185 0.00893 7683 2694 2921 2068
12 And come back if you have an insurrection that lasts longer than 4 hours. 1.9165 0.00975 6814 2513 2357 1944
13 The robe is supposed to open in the back. 1.8921 0.00851 8393 3055 3189 2149
14 You need to excersise. Try moving more than one square at a time. 1.8836 0.00874 7956 2933 3016 2007
15 It’s quite common among Middle Age men. 1.8709 0.01066 5204 1919 2038 1247
16 Have you ever experienced delusions of grandeur, Mr. Smith? 1.8619 0.01000 6244 2439 2228 1577
17 I said impotent not omnipotent. 1.8538 0.01002 6012 2319 2253 1440
18 No collusion but there may be an obstruction. 1.8529 0.01041 5927 2404 1991 1532
19 ... but first, what happened to the last doctor who ordered a colonoscopy? 1.8514 0.00951 6682 2587 2501 1594
20 You'll need to alert your past partners, including all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.8406 0.01224 4297 1781 1420 1096
21 You've crossed off Anne as your emergency contact. 1.8393 0.01103 5166 2106 1784 1276
22 Well, the good news is we found your scepter. 1.8385 0.01310 3666 1497 1264 905
23 Is the royal pain in the usual place? 1.8071 0.01187 4200 1725 1560 915
24 Aside from beheadings, is there any other family history of surgery? 1.8070 0.01075 5068 2068 1910 1090
25 One of us has to tell the queen she also needs a penicillin shot. 1.8040 0.01038 5617 2359 2000 1258
26 Now we come to 'the Emperor has no clothes' part of the exam. 1.8006 0.01107 4844 2018 1774 1052
27 So you'd like a note stating you're the healthiest, most robust and powerful king that has ever reigned? 1.7968 0.01258 3992 1748 1307 937
28 Your blood work indicates that you are healthy and the court jester was your father. 1.7870 0.01094 4985 2131 1785 1069
29 If you prefer the Royal We... then We have the Clap. 1.7718 0.01301 3716 1689 1186 841
30 So, the drawbridge is stuck in the down-position? 1.7632 0.01170 4304 1898 1527 879
31 Ahhh, why yes, I have attended royal balls before. 1.7591 0.01167 4412 1984 1507 921
32 That’s OK. I’m not really a doctor. 1.7513 0.01233 3880 1746 1353 781
33 Is this your first winter of discontent?" 1.7502 0.01107 4508 1949 1736 823
34 Occupation? 1.7496 0.01085 4900 2179 1769 952
35 I say Long Live the King, but the test results don't. 1.7360 0.01876 1523 662 601 260
36 The good news is that your son will get that promotion he's always wanted. 1.7210 0.01781 1731 784 646 301
37 You're on the throne all day? 1.7199 0.01516 2410 1099 887 424
38 I understand, but on the form we can't list your blood type as "royal". 1.7019 0.01388 2835 1322 1036 477
39 Yes, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie will cause acid reflux. 1.6905 0.01485 2430 1143 896 391
40 The blood pressure is manageable, it’s the four centuries of inbreeding I’m more concerned about.” 1.6879 0.01447 2682 1302 915 465
41 This time, Donald, we're gonna go with a real dementia test. 1.6843 0.01948 1644 854 455 335
42 I'm afraid "Your Highness" is how I would describe your blood pressure. 1.6818 0.01986 1367 655 492 220
43 I noticed under "Blood Type", you put blue. 1.6798 0.03743 406 201 134 71
44 I guess you could call it 'a Royal Pain in the Ass', but medically we call them hemmoroids. 1.6746 0.01978 1426 705 480 241
45 On the plus side, because you turned my exam table, two nurses, and an MRI machine into gold, I'll waive your deductible. 1.6728 0.01582 2185 1072 756 357
46 The good news is your son won't be out of work much longer. 1.6614 0.01346 2832 1368 1055 409
47 I'm afraid all our attempts have been feudal. 1.6577 0.01882 1528 764 523 241
48 I assure you it is the largest in all the land. 1.6544 0.01902 1525 775 502 248
49 You appear to be fit for a king. 1.6542 0.02048 1281 642 440 199
50 Your reign in Spain is mainly on the wane. 1.6505 0.01886 1591 825 497 269
51 I'm sorry to say you have a deviated scepter. 1.6499 0.01298 3065 1515 1108 442
52 No, sovereign immunity is not an alternative to vaccinations. 1.6456 0.02453 951 500 288 163
53 The treatment worked perfectly and all tests came back negative. I see no reason you shouldn't live long enough to be murdered by your heirs. 1.6447 0.01902 1472 746 503 223
54 I'm afraid DNA doesn't lie, but I can't say the same for the queen mother. 1.6340 0.01712 1825 944 605 276
55 Three and twenty blackbirds is not exactly cutting back, now is it? 1.6312 0.01440 2462 1250 870 342
56 You've experienced a major coronation. 1.6298 0.01492 2496 1326 768 402
57 I'm going to need you to give me a sample of the royal wee 1.6254 0.01827 1639 870 513 256
58 I've got to be honest, you're not exactly fit for a king. 1.6218 0.01491 2245 1145 804 296
59 No, not piles of gold. 1.6144 0.01938 1429 765 450 214
60 Okay then, 6’4 and 237 pounds. 1.6137 0.01698 1921 1046 571 304
61 Of course it's hereditary." 1.6089 0.01703 1777 941 590 246
62 I'm afraid I'm going to have to inspect the "crown jewels" this visit. 1.6060 0.01761 1713 925 538 250
63 When you say you've been spending too much time on "the throne", let's clarify things. 1.6037 0.01717 1635 846 591 198
64 It is actually "rosacea," but if you insist, let's go with "royal flush." 1.6014 0.01761 1568 818 557 193
65 Well, the bad news is you definitely have delusions of grandeur. The good news is that you're not Donald Trump. 1.5957 0.02523 893 507 240 146
66 It's very rare, but you have a royal flush. 1.5955 0.02710 665 351 232 82
67 It’s hemorrhoids, your highness — in layman’s terms, a royal pain in the ass. 1.5938 0.01885 1413 758 471 184
68 I’m afraid it looks like checkmate. 1.5875 0.01973 1292 701 423 168
69 I'm not saying you have to stop being the Burger King, but maybe be the Salad King every other day. 1.5864 0.01894 1279 667 474 138
70 You seem fit, for a king. 1.5862 0.01964 1271 683 431 157
71 If we do a colonoscopy, you'll need a royal flush the night before. 1.5821 0.02064 1206 667 376 163
72 Typical insurance runaround. They'll cover the bloodletting, but not the leeches. 1.5811 0.02131 1122 619 354 149
73 Technically, you were elected President, not King. 1.5796 0.02204 1118 637 314 167
74 It says here it hurts when you abdicate? 1.5764 0.02208 1015 557 331 127
75 For your colonoscopy prep I suggest the royal flush. 1.5756 0.02191 1098 621 322 155
76 Yes, your Highness, you may refer to my finger as Excalibur if it makes you feel better. 1.5732 0.02239 1031 580 311 140
77 You'll need an IV, then a V and a VI. 1.5695 0.02319 978 558 283 137
78 Yup, hemmoroids are aggravated bt too much time on the throne. 1.5693 0.02323 1017 592 271 154
79 We tend to see these symptoms in Middle Age men. 1.5689 0.02372 856 470 285 101
80 Well, you should tell Merlin that he should get tested too. 1.5681 0.02339 977 563 273 141
81 Yes, I was surprised to find out that’s where you hide the keys to the kingdom. 1.5672 0.02303 982 560 287 135
82 No sign of Gout, Porphyria or Syphilis. Are you sure you're royalty? 1.5662 0.02304 959 542 291 126
83 Your Royal Highness with all due respect, I think we both know how the scepter really got there. 1.5623 0.02368 923 529 269 125
84 I am sorry, the U.S. already has someone who thinks he is the king. 1.5594 0.02533 867 516 217 134
85 No, I'm afraid you can't get a servant to have the colonoscopy for you. 1.5592 0.02461 819 463 254 102
86 Have you tried all of your horses and all of your men? 1.5591 0.02401 889 510 261 118
87 OK....so how long have you been feeling this sense of entitlement? 1.5582 0.02591 747 425 227 95
88 I'm sorry, it's checkmate. 1.5580 0.02536 758 426 241 91
89 Your Majesty must be apprised that the royal prostate has achieved imperial proportions. 1.5579 0.02379 846 472 276 98
90 We found the paper gowns were just demoralizing. 1.5571 0.02387 867 491 269 107
91 The surgery went very well, your majesty, but the entire country still knows you as the queen. 1.5550 0.02553 791 458 227 106
92 It appears your condition is hereditary 1.5519 0.02465 810 462 249 99
93 I'm afraid there's still no cure for the onset of democracy 1.5460 0.03773 359 210 102 47
94 With this particular gland, "king-sized" isn't what we are looking for, your grace. 1.5443 0.02597 733 424 219 90
95 The good news is that it's in a most congenial spot. The bad news is that it will need to be lanced. But don't worry,Mr. Arthur, I lance a lot. 1.5441 0.02934 612 364 163 85
96 Your first sign should have been that your court taster didn't show up for work. 1.5431 0.02610 731 425 215 91
97 Try sleeping without the crown and see if your head feels less heavy. 1.5388 0.02552 696 392 233 71
98 You’ll need to eat some fruit for your constipation or have an enema... and we know a royal flush always beats two pears. 1.5387 0.02800 698 426 168 104
99 So you've only been able to move one square at a time? 1.5380 0.02652 697 406 207 84
100 It’s what we call a royal pain in the ass. 1.5377 0.02576 690 391 227 72
101 The tests show that you have a merry old soul. 1.5372 0.02515 685 380 242 63
102 Sorry for the bad news. I’m going to have to prescribe a Royal flush. 1.5372 0.02687 685 401 200 84
103 I have to be honest with you. There is no known cure for a royal pain in the ass. 1.5367 0.02712 682 402 194 86
104 I don’t care if it is “the royal wee,” it shouldn’t be that color. 1.5364 0.02739 686 409 186 91
105 You have Arthuritis 1.5363 0.02701 675 395 198 82
106 Yes, bones spurs... No crusades for you. 1.5356 0.02769 661 392 184 85
107 Says here your head started to feel uneasy in Part II, Act III, Scene I? 1.5354 0.02709 650 376 200 74
108 Well, Midas, you probably shouldn't have touched THAT. 1.5345 0.02778 666 398 180 88
109 Order of succession all worked out? 1.5332 0.02556 647 358 233 56
110 Yes, the crown too. 1.5323 0.02730 635 368 196 71
111 I prefer "proctologist," not "Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.5321 0.02867 639 387 164 88
112 Your dementia, Your Highness, is the greatest and best dementia that any king has ever had or will have. 1.5312 0.02857 642 389 165 88
113 You don't have to explain how the scepter got in there. 1.5300 0.02679 634 363 206 65
114 I'm afraid you already traded your kingdom for a horse, but we take all major credit cards." 1.5291 0.02851 618 369 171 78
115 Blue blood is a figure of speech your highness...believe me red is good 1.5279 0.02646 610 342 214 54
116 I'm afraid it's Arthur-itis. 1.5274 0.03049 548 330 147 71
117 Actually, blood isn't normally blue. 1.5258 0.02756 601 347 192 62
118 To give it a royal perspective : You’re heading to Kingdom Come . 1.5245 0.02884 593 354 167 72
119 While you call it a royal pain in the ass, we doctors call it hemorrhoids. 1.5243 0.02859 597 355 171 71
120 Last year you complained of delusions of grandeur. Any recurrence? 1.5243 0.02810 597 350 181 66
121 You're hopelessly fat,insane and your diet is a disaster. I'll prepare the usual excellent health report. 1.5242 0.03235 454 267 136 51
122 . . . and for your depression, I'm prescribing a jester. 1.5226 0.02779 576 331 189 56
123 No, I'm afraid giving me a pardon wouldn't help change my diagnosis. 1.5217 0.02889 575 341 168 66
124 It's more than a royal pain in the ass, it's hemorrhoids. 1.5200 0.02900 575 343 165 67
125 No, not 'crowns.' Crohn's. 1.5199 0.03036 527 315 150 62
126 I’m sorry you’re not covered. Blue Blood is a pre-existing condition. 1.5195 0.02899 564 334 167 63
127 Am I reading this correctly: you want to be Queen? 1.5181 0.03078 554 343 135 76
128 Delicately put, the crown jewels have lost their luster. 1.5164 0.03894 335 205 87 43
129 So about that "long live the king." 1.5162 0.02982 554 335 152 67
130 I have some troubling news about the royal jewels... 1.5157 0.03102 541 335 133 73
131 And where exactly is this royal pain? 1.5157 0.03104 543 337 132 74
132 Your Highness, I can state unequivocally that you are the healthiest person ever to serve as our king. 1.5148 0.02959 540 322 158 60
133 King-sized is not what you want in a tumor. 1.5132 0.02977 530 316 156 58
134 You can wear your own robe, but the opening still goes in back. 1.5123 0.02965 527 313 158 56
135 Try all the costumes you want Steve, you're not getting any more Vicodin. 1.5118 0.03171 508 314 128 66
136 You know We need to do a Royal Flush before the colonoscopy. 1.5115 0.03151 520 323 128 69
137 I’m sorry, you’re 95% peasant 1.5114 0.03041 526 319 145 62
138 Your condition is hereditary. 1.5098 0.03234 510 322 116 72
139 And how long has it been since your last Royal Flush? 1.5098 0.03116 512 314 135 63
140 The condition of your soul seems to have advanced from "Merry Old" to "Very Old." 1.5098 0.03003 512 305 153 54
141 We managed to pull the stone from your sword. 1.5090 0.03154 501 308 131 62
142 Have you considered replacing the throne with a stand up desk? 1.5079 0.02932 504 294 164 46
143 The bad news: you're backed up. The good news: with a colonic, a royal flush beats a full house. 1.5070 0.03138 499 306 133 60
144 Unfortunately, you're not fit for a king. 1.5051 0.03102 487 294 140 53
145 I have some good news -- for the prince. 1.5051 0.03228 491 307 120 64
146 Just take it one square at a time, and keep an eye out for any knights or bishops. 1.5041 0.03056 482 287 147 48
147 Tell me more about these knight terrors you've been experiencing. 1.5031 0.03046 481 286 148 47
148 You’re not very fit, for a king. 1.5021 0.03180 468 285 131 52
149 Well, they're similar, but ours open in the back. 1.5011 0.03107 471 283 140 48
150 You’ve got king crabs 1.5000 0.03347 458 289 109 60
151 I'm afraid you have a deviated scepter. 1.5000 0.03216 458 280 127 51
152 The tests confirm we need to end all of this 'long live the king' discussion. 1.5000 0.03171 458 277 133 48
153 For starters, you've got that on backwards. 1.4989 0.03342 459 290 109 60
154 Well Mr. President that’s because I’m a real doctor. 1.4977 0.03427 444 283 101 60
155 Unfortunately, you're the single payer. 1.4971 0.03829 340 213 85 42
156 Any family history of coronary events? 1.4955 0.03284 448 278 118 52
157 Your report shows no collusion or obstruction, but we did find a lot of delusion, confusion and obfuscation! 1.4955 0.03433 448 288 98 62
158 Alright, I’ll write “royal pain in the ass”. As long as you know it’s a hemorrhoid. 1.4955 0.03284 448 278 118 52
159 Good news: your blood is blue. Bad news: so's your urine. 1.4944 0.03388 443 281 105 57
160 Not so quick to get rid of Obamacare now, are we? 1.4943 0.03396 439 278 105 56
161 Before I give you my diagnosis, what did my late colleague say you have? 1.4921 0.03930 315 197 81 37
162 I’ve never seen this before, your blood is blue. 1.4919 0.03222 433 263 127 43
163 It’s time to disrobe so I can examine your Crown Jewels. 1.4919 0.03400 433 274 105 54
164 Unfortunately, there is no cure for chronic sense of entitlement. 1.4918 0.03261 429 262 123 44
165 The good news is you're the king. The bad news is the gout doesn't care. 1.4907 0.03112 428 253 140 35
166 You know the expression “King for a day”? That’s about what we’re looking at. 1.4906 0.03289 424 260 120 44
167 You are, actually, fit -- for a King. 1.4903 0.03788 310 188 92 30
168 You need to disrobe. 1.4894 0.03243 423 257 125 41
169 I'm sorry, Your Majesty. Sovereign immunity is a metaphor. You need a colonoscopy. 1.4894 0.03378 423 265 109 49
170 About this "Long Live the King". Let's talk about that. 1.4894 0.03225 423 256 127 40
171 Let's put it this way: Long Live the Queen! 1.4891 0.03490 413 263 98 52
172 I can't be the first the inform you that 'blue' is not a blood type. 1.4891 0.03209 413 247 130 36
173 It's funny you should say that, because I'm actually not a real doctor. 1.4886 0.03555 395 251 95 49
174 The good news is the bad news has been redacted. 1.4882 0.03800 338 213 85 40
175 You have a merry old soul, but your heart is shot. 1.4880 0.03323 418 258 116 44
176 Please stop calling it Our Prostate. 1.4880 0.03264 416 253 123 40
177 Sorry, I can't accept peasants as co-pay 1.4877 0.03382 408 253 111 44
178 Mr. Midas, you’re just going to have to stop touching it. 1.4877 0.03539 408 262 93 53
179 Your majesty, the genetics results show that you were once a frog! 1.4866 0.03286 409 249 121 39
180 For the next part of the exam, I will need you to put on your new clothes, Emperor. 1.4864 0.03376 403 249 112 42
181 Your cholesterol level is more "Burger King" than "Long live the King"... 1.4864 0.03321 403 246 118 39
182 It says here that you keep having delusions about being President of the United States. 1.4852 0.03376 406 252 111 43
183 It’s a common mistake. The robe is supposed to go the other way around. 1.4851 0.03548 404 260 92 52
184 So I've got some bad news about your "Crown Jewels". 1.4838 0.03295 401 244 120 37
185 So if I say you're the healthiest king ever, I won't get my head chopped off? 1.4836 0.03541 397 254 94 49
186 Well, I have to report that you've got serious health issues, but I suppose we can have William Barr write the cover letter. 1.4832 0.03701 387 254 79 54
187 Marty, your obsession with Game Of Thrones is concerning. 1.4826 0.03234 373 219 128 26
188 Do you promise not to kill the messenger? 1.4821 0.03387 392 242 111 39
189 And how long has it been since Your Highness last sat on the throne? 1.4821 0.03368 392 241 113 38
190 No, it’s not your nuts, it’s “You’re nuts.” 1.4821 0.03593 392 253 89 50
191 At what point did it become a "royal" pain in the ass? 1.4791 0.03451 382 238 105 39
192 The good news: You are covered under single payer insurance. Unfortunately, you are the single payer. 1.4791 0.03530 382 242 97 43
193 You're fit for a king. 1.4787 0.03388 376 230 112 34
194 Your teeth look fine, but we're gonna have to replace that crown. 1.4787 0.03450 376 233 106 37
195 I'm thinking narcissistic personality disorder or simply poor wardrobe choices. 1.4779 0.03431 385 240 106 39
196 And exactly where did you say you have this 'Royal Pain'? 1.4776 0.03019 379 216 145 18
197 You’re going to need to notify everyone who’s come in contact with your royal jewels. 1.4758 0.03518 372 234 99 39
198 I'd like to help but I see your insurance expired in 1534. 1.4758 0.03559 372 236 95 41
199 Your results are back. I'm afraid it's checkmate. 1.4757 0.03552 370 234 96 40
200 I'm going to have to ask you to disrobe. 1.4754 0.03914 305 193 79 33
201 Bad news your majesty it's the common cold. 1.4743 0.03257 369 220 123 26
202 You need to try and relax. I'm sure this democracy thing is just a fad. 1.4740 0.03416 365 224 109 32
203 It seems you suffer from a sense of entitlement. 1.4740 0.03481 365 227 103 35
204 You need to stay away from Burgers, King. 1.4740 0.03459 365 226 105 34
205 How should I put this? Short live the king. 1.4740 0.03671 365 236 85 44
206 Your DNA results came back 75% Peasant. 1.4740 0.03588 365 232 93 40
207 The radiologist’s report indicates the bowel obstruction appears to caused by... huh?... ingested blackbirds, as many as two dozen. 1.4735 0.03478 359 222 104 33
208 The technical name is hemorrhoids, but in your case I think we can call them a royal pain in the ass. 1.4725 0.03466 364 226 104 34
209 Actually, Your Majesty will be the one bowing today. 1.4722 0.03750 360 236 78 46
210 The royal highness of your cholesterol concerns me. 1.4706 0.03646 357 229 88 40
211 It's supposed to stink. 1.4697 0.03790 347 227 77 43
212 Uh, ok. We usually say hemmorrhoids, but royal pain in the ass really works in your case. 1.4688 0.03549 352 221 97 34
213 Yes, you could have the radiologist executed but it won't change your diagnosis 1.4688 0.03706 352 228 83 41
214 We found your scepter 1.4688 0.03662 352 226 87 39
215 You may be suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.4688 0.03549 352 221 97 34
216 I assume you wouldn't be interested in a revolutionary new treatment. 1.4688 0.04893 192 122 50 20
217 You're healthy enough to survive another round of intrigue and backstabbing. 1.4684 0.03389 348 211 111 26
218 I have bad news. Your condition is hereditary. 1.4677 0.04115 248 153 74 21
219 Let's not refer to the colonoscopy as a royal flush. 1.4674 0.03632 353 226 89 38
220 You should still be able to move in all directions, but I'm afraid it's gonna be only one step at a time. 1.4665 0.03520 343 213 100 30
221 Were your mother and father possibly first cousins? 1.4665 0.03616 343 217 92 34
222 If I may be frank, you should have kept your sword sheathed. 1.4665 0.03663 343 219 88 36
223 I'm sorry your majesty, but I'm afraid it's checkmate. 1.4665 0.03755 343 223 80 40
224 I'm sorry to tell you, but you only have VIII months to live, possibly IX. 1.4663 0.03486 341 210 103 28
225 These test results are astonishingly excellent. You are, unequivocally, the healthiest king in the history of the monarchy. 1.4663 0.03702 341 219 85 37
226 I should also check your mate... 1.4655 0.03964 275 172 78 25
227 I'm afraid it's Crown's Disease. 1.4645 0.03431 338 206 107 25
228 This “royal pain”... does it itch? 1.4645 0.03606 338 213 93 32
229 Uh . . . you know that expression, "Long live the King . . . ?" 1.4633 0.03460 341 210 104 27
230 Colonoscopies are performed in the dungeons, by the royal inquisitor, but we may ask the royal buffoon for a visual inspection. 1.4627 0.03399 335 203 109 23
231 At your age, your majesty, I would just leave the sword in the stone. 1.4625 0.03594 333 209 94 30
232 And I like to pretend that I'm a doctor. 1.4625 0.03766 333 216 80 37
233 Any chance your parents were brother and sister? 1.4625 0.03742 333 215 82 36
234 You have a weak constitution. 1.4625 0.03668 333 212 88 33
235 Your blood results are back. It's blue. 1.4625 0.03668 333 212 88 33
236 The results indicate success. No, sorry. Read that wrong. ‘Succession.’ 1.4625 0.03790 333 217 78 38
237 Do you want the truth or the redacted report?" 1.4622 0.03684 331 211 87 33
238 You need to give up your pipe and your bowl, but you can keep the fiddlers three. 1.4622 0.03634 331 209 91 31
239 It says here you were beaten by two queens. 1.4622 0.03734 331 213 83 35
240 I performed Humpty's autopsy. Your horses and men are hacks. 1.4622 0.03558 331 206 97 28
241 I’d say you’ve got a classic case of affluenza. 1.4622 0.03427 331 201 107 23
242 Difficulty "wielding the sceptre" is quite common for a monarch your age. 1.4622 0.03684 331 211 87 33
243 But is it the highest cholesterol in all the land? 1.4622 0.03709 331 212 85 34
244 Tell me, Mr. President. How long have you felt like this? 1.4620 0.03799 329 214 78 37
245 I recommend a royal flush. 1.4610 0.03989 282 180 74 28
246 Do you need a note for work? 1.4601 0.03825 326 213 76 37
247 Discontinue pipe. Discontinue bowl. Increase fiddlers to four. 1.4599 0.03817 324 211 77 36
248 It’s your Royal Heinie your Royal Highness. 1.4599 0.03558 324 201 97 26
249 Have you conquered a West African country in the past 21 days? 1.4599 0.03792 324 210 79 35
250 Yes, your highness, hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.4590 0.03774 329 214 79 36
251 I don't think having one of your subjects get the colonoscopy will help. 1.4590 0.03700 329 211 85 33
252 Well, the "fewer treats" is for your health; the "fewer tweets" is for ours. 1.4585 0.04649 229 152 49 28
253 You're in remarkably good health for an anachronism. 1.4579 0.03661 321 203 89 29
254 Sir, for the last time, God cannot be your emergency contact. 1.4577 0.03650 319 201 90 28
255 No, Sire, not the COMMON cold. 1.4577 0.03704 319 203 86 30
256 So you want me to say that you are the “healthiest individual ever to be king?” 1.4577 0.04035 319 216 60 43
257 The good news is you're king. The bad news is . . . for a day. 1.4577 0.03783 319 206 80 33
258 I'm afraid the term "Sire" is no longer altogether appropriate. 1.4577 0.03757 319 205 82 32
259 You have a royal flush 1.4574 0.03556 317 196 97 24
260 The last time I allowed the patient to write his own report I was working for a President. 1.4554 0.03843 303 195 78 30
261 And here's your redacted copy of my evaluation. 1.4551 0.03844 312 203 76 33
262 Not omnipotent, George --impotent. 1.4551 0.03763 312 200 82 30
263 Have you noticed any difficulty in making a decree, an increased frequency of decreeing, or the need to decree in the middle of the night? 1.4551 0.04027 312 210 62 40
264 After all these years, you want to go back to being a frog? 1.4551 0.03763 312 200 82 30
265 Your food taster has diabetes. 1.4548 0.03752 310 198 83 29
266 This petition from your food taster to take your colonoscopy prep for you appears to be in your handwriting. 1.4537 0.03808 313 203 78 32
267 You have an enlarged whopper. 1.4525 0.04016 305 204 64 37
268 The bad news is, “Long live the Queen.” 1.4521 0.03981 303 201 67 35
269 The robe is supposed to open to the rear. 1.4521 0.03726 303 192 85 26
270 I'm afraid it's just a royal pain in the ass. 1.4521 0.03898 303 198 73 32
271 Just remind me - who died and made you King? 1.4518 0.04578 228 151 51 26
272 Did you say that you are, or that you have, a royal pain in the ass? 1.4516 0.03779 310 200 80 30
273 The good news is, your son's about to get a promotion. 1.4503 0.03584 302 187 94 21
274 Mister President, between us, you are obese with oncoming Alzheimer's, but obviously the fittest man ever to rule. 1.4503 0.04072 302 204 60 38
275 I have teenage stepchildren, your Majesty. Royal pains are my specialty. 1.4503 0.03991 302 201 66 35
276 This is quite the family history. 1.4503 0.03734 302 192 84 26
277 Removing the orb is no problem, it's the scepter that concerns me. 1.4503 0.03645 302 189 90 23
278 I see that you marked "royal" as your blood type. 1.4503 0.03822 302 195 78 29
279 So when I refer to "your highness," I am speaking of your blood pressure for which we would like some lowness. 1.4497 0.03858 298 193 76 29
280 You need to give up your pipe and your bowl. Fiddlers are okay. 1.4488 0.03840 303 197 76 30
281 You're in pretty good shape for a king your age, but you still shouldn't be eating 4 and 20 of anything, even if it is a tasty dish 1.4488 0.03451 303 184 102 17
282 Well, you still have a merry old soul, but we need to talk about your liver. 1.4488 0.03783 303 195 80 28
283 The diagnosis may come as a surprise but you’re a queen. 1.4485 0.04220 272 182 58 32
284 Well, if you’re sure want the good news first...You’re the king. 1.4475 0.04060 295 198 62 35
285 I must say, you're certainly fit for a king. 1.4464 0.04034 289 192 65 32
286 Please disrobe, but you can keep the crown on if it makes you feel more comfortable 1.4464 0.03691 289 181 87 21
287 So, you want something to enhance your crown jewels? 1.4459 0.03875 296 193 74 29
288 Well, your temperature is elevated and your face is red. Believe me, it's nothing more than a Royal Flush. 1.4459 0.03875 296 193 74 29
289 Tests show your ego is slightly elevated. 1.4459 0.03694 296 187 86 23
290 I think it's safe to say that you inherited this. 1.4444 0.03633 288 179 90 19
291 The tests reveal you are royally screwed. 1.4444 0.03922 288 188 72 28
292 Let's talk about Schizophrenia, Mr. Trump... 1.4444 0.04304 288 201 46 41
293 Better start prepping the prince... 1.4444 0.03859 288 186 76 26
294 King Arthur? I'm Dr. Lancelot. 1.4444 0.03796 288 184 80 24
295 Family history of beheading... poisoning... garroting. Good news. You're unlikely to suffer from heart disease or cancer. 1.4441 0.04003 286 189 67 30
296 So, how long have you been having trouble getting your 'little peasant' to stage an uprising? 1.4441 0.04033 286 190 65 31
297 Was it you, or the nurse, who put "royal pain in the ass" on your intake form? 1.4433 0.04044 282 187 65 30
298 The bowl and the fiddlers are fine, but the pipe has to go. 1.4433 0.04013 282 186 67 29
299 Think of the colonoscopy as a royal flush. 1.4413 0.03958 281 184 70 27
300 Well, 'Long live the King' is actually just an expression. 1.4413 0.03894 281 182 74 25
301 The bowl and the fiddlers three are fine, but I urge you to stop calling for your pipe. 1.4409 0.03847 279 179 77 23
302 Well if Mr. Trump can claim to be 6’-3”, I don’t see any harm in calling you a 12-inch ruler.. 1.4403 0.04062 268 176 66 26
303 We share the same delusion -- I think you're the King too. 1.4397 0.03817 282 181 78 23
304 Well King Midas, It Looks Like Your Prostate Is As Good As Gold. 1.4397 0.03915 282 184 72 26
305 Knight terrors are pretty common for a man of your age. 1.4397 0.03683 282 177 86 19
306 Great news for your eldest... 1.4397 0.03915 282 184 72 26
307 Your delusions of grandeur seem only to be getting worse, Mr. Jones. 1.4380 0.03929 274 178 72 24
308 Omnipotence happens to a lot of kings your age 1.4380 0.04062 274 182 64 28
309 'So the last thing you remember is asking for a horse?' 1.4380 0.03929 274 178 72 24
310 So, lemme get this straight. You touched it and now it's gold? 1.4380 0.03860 274 176 76 22
311 I'm afraid it's a little late for "Long live the king". 1.4380 0.03825 274 175 78 21
312 You may want to change that phrase 'Long Live the King.' 1.4380 0.03894 274 177 74 23
313 For your information the insurance companies are king. 1.4380 0.04192 274 186 56 32
314 I see the last time you visited us you were Buffalo Bill. 1.4380 0.03996 274 180 68 26
315 I’m happy to report your reign in pain is mainly just a sprain 1.4380 0.04095 274 183 62 29
316 No, I’m Dr. Lewis. You had Dr. Halpern beheaded, remember? 1.4375 0.03983 272 178 69 25
317 So when was the last time you performed your ‘royal duties’? 1.4375 0.03983 272 178 69 25
318 Watching what you eat is important, but your food taster's charts are giving me some concerns. 1.4375 0.03664 272 169 87 16
319 I don’t care if you are the king, I still need your insurance card. 1.4375 0.03949 272 177 71 24
320 You can still be a merry old soul and keep the fiddlers three but I think it’s time you give up the pipe. 1.4375 0.03626 272 168 89 15
321 Would your Majesty deign to ascend the throne and provide us with a sample? 1.4375 0.03879 272 175 75 22
322 Your family history looks identical on both your mother and father’s side. Did I get that right? 1.4375 0.04017 272 179 67 26
323 You're not that fit for a king. 1.4366 0.04060 268 177 65 26
324 I appreciate that you want to wear your own robe, but I'm still going to need the opening in the back. 1.4366 0.04128 268 179 61 28
325 These results are actually quite good, considering the inbreeding. 1.4366 0.03955 268 174 71 23
326 To be perfectly honest, you are royally screwed 1.4366 0.04025 268 176 67 25
327 There's no easy way to put this; you're royally screwed. 1.4366 0.04228 268 182 55 31
328 Have you given any thought to succession planning? 1.4366 0.03661 268 166 87 15
329 And you have no idea how that scepter got up there? 1.4366 0.04195 268 181 57 30
330 You need to change your diet. You’ve had your last burger, King. 1.4366 0.03774 268 169 81 18
331 Calling for your fiddlers three—and even your bowl—is OK. But forget the pipe. 1.4364 0.03780 275 175 80 20
332 I’m sorry to tell you that “long live the King” is just a saying and is not always the case. 1.4346 0.03928 260 167 73 20
333 Before we go any further, you've got that on backward. 1.4346 0.04289 260 177 53 30
334 We're going to need that crown to cover this bill. 1.4345 0.03630 267 165 88 14
335 You're a fat senile ruler with no heart. Enjoy your trip. Americans will love you. 1.4345 0.04172 267 180 58 29
336 Alright, what did you touch this time, Midas? 1.4345 0.03928 267 173 72 22
337 well Sire,we'll have to see those family jewels. 1.4345 0.04034 267 176 66 25
338 I can lie about your weight and claim you'll live to be two hundred, but nobody's going to believe you're smarter than a toddler. 1.4345 0.04305 267 184 50 33
339 OK, I'll put your weight as 239 pounds. What else do you want this to say? 1.4345 0.04337 267 185 48 34
340 I have only seen one individual with a more advanced case of narcissism than you Mr. Brown. 1.4345 0.04069 267 177 64 26
341 It's definite. You have a royal flush. 1.4345 0.04205 267 181 56 30
342 This prescription for a pipe, a bowl, and fiddlers three should get you to back to your merry old self right away. 1.4345 0.04172 267 180 58 29
343 Sir, that’s not what I meant when I said change into your robe. 1.4335 0.04113 263 175 62 26
344 I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your cold is indeed quite common. 1.4330 0.04494 194 124 56 14
345 I afraid being the burger king has finally caught up to you. 1.4330 0.04064 261 172 65 24
346 Now may be a good time to exercise your divine rights. 1.4330 0.04136 261 174 61 26
347 The bad news is, your DNA shows you are not the King. 1.4325 0.04353 252 172 51 29
348 It's Crown's disease. 1.4323 0.04009 266 175 67 24
349 Unfortunately, sovereign immunity doesn’t cover this. 1.4323 0.04009 266 175 67 24
350 I'm afraid you will have to sell Britain to pay for your insurance. 1.4323 0.04044 266 176 65 25
351 Your blue cells are a bit low. 1.4320 0.04367 206 132 59 15
352 God Save The Queen! 1.4320 0.04191 250 166 60 24
353 I'd recommend that you stay away from White Castle. 1.4318 0.03921 264 171 72 21
354 You were right in worrying about your receding heir lines 1.4306 0.04428 209 136 56 17
355 Well, yes, but it says here you’ve had your last four proctologists beheaded. 1.4302 0.04133 258 172 61 25
356 Seems as if your royal jewels are merely ornamental 1.4302 0.04169 258 173 59 26
357 Well, at least this time, you are wearing clothes. 1.4302 0.04022 258 169 67 22
358 I have the test results regarding the Crown Jewels. 1.4302 0.03908 258 166 73 19
359 I'm going to refer you to a specialist who can help you — he's a wizard. 1.4302 0.04133 258 172 61 25
360 If you still need an heir, I'm afraid it's going to take more than a new Queen. 1.4302 0.04022 258 169 67 22
361 You are the healthiest king in history. Now will you tell the guy with the axe to go away? 1.4302 0.04133 258 172 61 25
362 The pain may literally be royal. but technically it's just a hemorrhoid. 1.4302 0.03908 258 166 73 19
363 I advise you to cut down on your knight life. 1.4302 0.04096 258 171 63 24
364 Drop your drawbridge. Need to check jewels. 1.4297 0.04156 256 171 60 25
365 You want me to state unequivocally that you're the healthiest person ever? 1.4297 0.04441 256 179 44 33
366 I’m sorry, your insurance only covers leeches or a poultice. 1.4297 0.04081 256 169 64 23
367 The robe ties in the back. 1.4286 0.03849 252 160 76 16
368 Unfortunately it seems that even with all of your horses and all of your men you still haven't quite reached your deductible 1.4286 0.04165 252 168 60 24
369 Bad news. Not long live the king. 1.4286 0.04458 252 176 44 32
370 Let me put it this way, you better produce an heir as soon as possible. 1.4286 0.04088 252 166 64 22
371 In medical terms, you're royally screwed. 1.4286 0.04049 252 165 66 21
372 It's hereditary 1.4275 0.03937 255 165 71 19
373 I'm afraid you're royally fucked. 1.4269 0.04264 253 172 54 27
374 If crowned, I can state unequivocally that he will be the healthiest individual every to rule. 1.4269 0.03838 253 161 76 16
375 I see the anti-depressant is working. 1.4269 0.04037 253 166 66 21
376 It's a case of proctalgia fugax regalis, or put simply, a Royal Pain in the Arse. 1.4269 0.04114 253 168 62 23
377 White Castle cannot be your official residence and Burger King is not a real title 1.4269 0.04152 253 169 60 24
378 Bad news, I'm afraid. It's checkmate. 1.4269 0.04152 253 169 60 24
379 Despite what your wife says “royal pain in the neck” is not a medical condition. 1.4269 0.04227 253 171 56 26
380 How much time do you spend each day sitting on the throne ? 1.4269 0.04076 253 167 64 22
381 And how are we today? 1.4269 0.04114 253 168 62 23
382 According to these test results, you have the mind of a seventy-two year old sociopath with narcissistic co-morbidity. 1.4263 0.04098 251 166 63 22
383 First, I’d like to run tests for blue blood, then I’ll check the Crown Jewels. 1.4263 0.04020 251 164 67 20
384 Meaning no disrespect - we still call it a 'common cold.' 1.4263 0.03980 251 163 69 19
385 Good news, all your bloodwork came back blue. 1.4251 0.03982 247 160 69 18
386 No, you didn't get it from sitting on the throne. 1.4251 0.04064 247 162 65 20
387 All of your tests indicate early onset abdication 1.4250 0.04160 200 125 65 10
388 It's plain your pain comes mainly from your reign. 1.4245 0.04208 245 164 58 23
389 I'd say you're fit, for a king. 1.4245 0.03834 245 155 76 14
390 Well your majesty, it turns out I can't accept you as a patient - you have no cash, no credit card and you refused to approve Medicare for All. 1.4240 0.04482 250 176 42 32
391 Exercising your authority doesn't count... 1.4240 0.03989 250 163 68 19
392 'Any other symptoms apart from your receding heir line?' 1.4240 0.04029 250 164 66 20
393 Well, King Cole, here's a prescription for Prozac. You'll be merry again in no time. 1.4240 0.04069 250 165 64 21
394 You need to get out of the castle more often. Your test results show you have Turret Syndrome. 1.4240 0.04224 250 169 56 25
395 She can't keep letting you eat cake 1.4239 0.04717 184 121 48 15
396 I hate to tell you, Sire, but you are in fact naked. 1.4229 0.05019 175 118 40 17
397 Sorry,no more pipe,no more bowl. But you can keep the fiddlers three. 1.4222 0.05511 135 89 35 11
398 Unfortunately, it appears you’ve inherited more than your kingdom. 1.4221 0.04138 244 162 61 21
399 I suppose 'a king's ransom' would be enough to pay for the procedure. 1.4215 0.03993 242 157 68 17
400 I am very concerned about your blue blood cells count, your highness 1.4215 0.04120 242 160 62 20
401 The good news is you’re going to have a son. The bad news is he’ll be king in less than a year. 1.4215 0.04203 242 162 58 22
402 It's good to see Renaissance Fair employees finally getting health coverage. 1.4215 0.04120 242 160 62 20
403 You ordered all positive test results, and that's exactly what you got. 1.4215 0.04203 242 162 58 22
404 No, Your Highness. Ordering your people to exercise more will not improve your cholesterol level. 1.4215 0.03727 242 151 80 11
405 When did you first notice you'd lost your merry old soul? 1.4215 0.04120 242 160 62 20
406 You feel like a Queen trapped in a King's body? 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
407 The royal treatment? Not with your PPO. 1.4208 0.04227 240 161 57 22
408 The transition is going very well. Once a Queen, now the King. 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
409 Standard prep, or royal flush? 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
410 Just one form to sign--that you're absolutely positive you'd rather be a queen. 1.4208 0.04268 240 162 55 23
411 Aren't ALL your pains royal? 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
412 Blue blood makes sense but you should not have blue urine. 1.4202 0.04125 238 157 62 19
413 Well, the lab results say Meglomania. 1.4202 0.04416 238 164 48 26
414 Have you tried abdicating?" 1.4202 0.04210 238 159 58 21
415 It says here you’re experiencing an insurrection lasting longer than 4 weeks? 1.4202 0.04252 238 160 56 22
416 The good news is you have two weeks to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you last week. 1.4202 0.04416 238 164 48 26
417 I’m referring you to a specialist Mr. President. 1.4198 0.04309 243 166 52 25
418 long live the king" might be wishful thinking 1.4188 0.04260 234 157 56 21
419 You have six months to rule. 1.4188 0.04084 234 153 64 17
420 I'm sorry your majesty, but divine right is not a valid insurance plan 1.4188 0.04429 234 161 48 25
421 No, I said "futile," not "feudal." 1.4188 0.04173 234 155 60 19
422 On the bright side, you're still the king. 1.4184 0.04154 239 159 60 20
423 Prozac helps you live HAPPILY. EVER AFTER is still in clinical trials. 1.4177 0.04178 237 158 59 20
424 It’s just gout, Ron, there’s no need to get all dressed up for these check ups. 1.4176 0.04874 182 123 42 17
425 Any problems on the throne? 1.4163 0.04139 233 154 61 18
426 It’s been five years since your last royal flush. 1.4163 0.04184 233 155 59 19
427 I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but...you're in Checkmate." 1.4163 0.04228 233 156 57 20
428 Your realm is not in our network. 1.4163 0.04357 233 159 51 23
429 Well, a merry old soul usually benefits from statins, too. 1.4163 0.04228 233 156 57 20
430 Now, are you absolutely certain you want to be a Queen? 1.4163 0.04271 233 157 55 21
431 Couldn't you just endorse the product but not eat the burgers? 1.4163 0.04441 233 161 47 25
432 You need to call less for your pipe and your bowl. Call more for your fiddlers three. 1.4163 0.04314 233 158 53 22
433 No, 'WE' are not due for a prostate exam, YOU are! 1.4163 0.04228 233 156 57 20
434 We've gotten the DNA results back and you're really Santa Claus. 1.4163 0.04441 233 161 47 25
435 I think your condition may be hereditary. 1.4163 0.04314 233 158 53 22
436 Sorry sir, ‘Blue’ is not a blood type. 1.4163 0.04094 233 153 63 17
437 Looking at these test results, your reign in Spain may be over. 1.4159 0.04365 226 153 52 21
438 I think you'd better find a new food taster. 1.4157 0.04951 178 121 40 17
439 This is getting old Dad. 1.4156 0.04427 231 159 48 24
440 I'm afraid you'll only be able to move one space at a time from now on. 1.4156 0.04072 231 151 64 16
441 I see you brought your own gown, but you still have to put it on the other way. 1.4156 0.03931 231 148 70 13
442 I told you not to touch it, so why is it gold? 1.4156 0.04072 231 151 64 16
443 I am not falling for this Caption Contest thing again. For years I have faithfully entered and submitted very witty and/or humorous captions without ever having even one selected as a winner or even a finalist...... I QUIT your stupid contest! 1.4156 0.04872 231 170 26 35
444 I'm afraid you're history. 1.4156 0.04209 231 154 58 19
445 They approved the pipe, they approved the bowl, but they denied coverage for the fiddlers three. 1.4156 0.04164 231 153 60 18
446 You’re right - it is a royal pain. 1.4156 0.04118 231 152 62 17
447 You can call for your fiddlers three but no more pipe and no more bowl. 1.4156 0.04026 231 150 66 15
448 It appears that you have a weak constitution. 1.4156 0.04297 231 156 54 21
449 So just how much time do you spend on the throne? 1.4156 0.04297 231 156 54 21
450 The test results show that you have the Donald Complex, which is a bitch to control. 1.4156 0.04593 231 163 40 28
451 It says here you suffer from delusions of grandeur. 1.4142 0.04021 239 157 65 17
452 Geez, Henry, of course you're feeling tired. Six wives??? 1.4141 0.04357 198 129 56 13
453 Funny. I just had Ronald McDonald in here yesterday. 1.4141 0.04259 227 152 56 19
454 After reviewing your test results, I'd say the "Long Live" part is a bit shaky. 1.4141 0.04167 227 150 60 17
455 'Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown,' doesn't give me much to go on. 1.4141 0.04024 227 147 66 14
456 I wrote your tests were astonishingly excellent and that you are the healthiest person ever to be crowned king. Will that do? 1.4138 0.04411 232 160 48 24
457 Sire, heavy is the head that wears the crown, and, if I may say so, likewise the torso that wears the head. 1.4133 0.04377 225 153 51 21
458 Heavy is the head that wears the crown--and pinched are the nerves in the neck. 1.4130 0.04128 230 152 61 17
459 Nope. It's red, just like everyone else's. 1.4126 0.04495 223 154 46 23
460 Your tests came back GREAT, your blood pressure is TERRIFIC, Your the HEALTHIEST PRESIDENT to ever serve! 1.4120 0.04681 233 168 34 31
461 I understand your concern but for a complete physical I must examine the royal jewels 1.4112 0.04488 214 146 48 20
462 Well,according to Mueller's report,there's no obstruction. 1.4112 0.04439 214 145 50 19
463 How many goblets would you say you drink per week? 1.4112 0.04288 214 142 56 16
464 It appears that what you have is inherited. 1.4107 0.04250 224 150 56 18
465 I'm afraid it's time for an Old King Colonoscopy. 1.4107 0.04434 224 154 48 22
466 So you say you’re having Knight terrors. 1.4107 0.04434 224 154 48 22
467 This says you're the healthiest individual to ever usurp the throne. Sure, I'll sign it. 1.4107 0.04389 224 153 50 21
468 It's called a royal pain, your Highness." 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
469 I see you have a family history of gout and mild narcissism. 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
470 I'm sorry, your Majesty, but long live the king doesn't apply here. 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
471 You say you have bone spurs? 1.4107 0.04697 224 160 36 28
472 So, anatomically speaking, it's not your wife's fault you have no male heirs, Henry. 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
473 I'm sorry to have to tell you--it's "checkmate". 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
474 And how many times a day are you on the throne? 1.4107 0.04524 224 156 44 24
475 How many redactions for the Queen's copy? 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
476 Can you put that on so it opens in the back? 1.4107 0.04106 224 147 62 15
477 Your condition is sometimes hereditary. 1.4107 0.04106 224 147 62 15
478 Your condition tends to run in families. 1.4107 0.04250 224 150 56 18
479 Your Highness isn’t such a good thing when it comes to your blood pressure. 1.4107 0.04106 224 147 62 15
480 X-rays came back. You're going to have to get a crown removed. 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
481 It looks like you’re behind on the black plague vaccination. 1.4107 0.04343 224 152 52 20
482 I can tell you’re not going to like the hospital gowns. 1.4107 0.04250 224 150 56 18
483 This is a rather long family history. 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
484 You can still be King, just not the Burger King. 1.4099 0.04597 222 156 41 25
485 Well, I have bad news for you, but great news for your heir. 1.4099 0.04370 222 151 51 20
486 The medical term is hemorrhoids. You may know it as a royal pain in the ass. 1.4099 0.04323 222 150 53 19
487 Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Your headaches will stop if you remove it for several hours a day. 1.4099 0.04417 222 152 49 21
488 You have Noble Gas. 1.4099 0.04553 222 155 43 24
489 Your medical records show that every physician you have seen in the past refers to you as a royal pain in the ass. 1.4099 0.04228 222 148 57 17
490 You really should get your shots...It’s coup season. 1.4099 0.04553 222 155 43 24
491 I understand "God save the king" as a campaign slogan, but I really have to recommend flu vaccine too. 1.4099 0.04030 222 144 65 13
492 Have you experienced any discomfort when you're ... on the throne? 1.4099 0.04130 222 146 61 15
493 Unfortunately, your insurance is out of kingdom. 1.4093 0.04946 193 136 35 22
494 You are NOT fit, for a king. 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
495 Please disrobe. 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
496 I'm sorry, but you'll need to see a dentist for a new crown. 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
497 Good news, you have the heart of a lion, Richard. 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
498 Not so long live the King. 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
499 You have Goneril, which will slowly drive you insane. 1.4093 0.04889 215 156 30 29
500 Usually I just call it an 'enema' but if it makes you feel better I can say 'royal flush' 1.4093 0.04221 215 142 58 15
501 It can happen if you spend too much time on the throne. 1.4093 0.04323 215 144 54 17
502 Four and twenty blackbirds? Well, that explains a lot. 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
503 You ate all 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in the pie? 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
504 When did you first notice you were wearing clothes 1.4093 0.04471 215 147 48 20
505 Have it your way" doesn't apply to prostate exam 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
506 Your blood pressure is up a bit. It's what we call a 'royal flush'. 1.4093 0.04298 237 163 51 23
507 You're royally fucked 1.4091 0.04628 220 155 40 25
508 I see you are covered by Medicare-for-One. 1.4091 0.04672 220 156 38 26
509 Next time, let me have a look at the wench first. 1.4091 0.04445 220 151 48 21
510 Looks like you have a family history of execution. 1.4091 0.04302 220 148 54 18
511 Your Highness, it is the lab report. But for some reason it is entirely redacted. 1.4091 0.04583 220 154 42 24
512 Sure, you can leave the crown on. 1.4091 0.04350 220 149 52 19
513 Seems those heel spurs you had in your youth have completely disappeared! 1.4091 0.04800 198 138 39 21
514 I see from your chart that each of my predecessors met an untimely demise, so perhaps we’ll skip this next part. 1.4091 0.04254 220 147 56 17
515 I ‘m afraid you have Old King Colon. 1.4091 0.04398 220 150 50 20
516 So...Do you have a son 1.4091 0.04155 220 145 60 15
517 Bad news - the royal "we" now refers to you and your tapeworm. 1.4091 0.04445 220 151 48 21
518 Are you aware that your insurance does not have "out of kingdom" benefits? 1.4091 0.04350 220 149 52 19
519 Take two in the morning and stay close to the throne. 1.4091 0.04105 220 144 62 14
520 Your Highness, I’m afraid your “uneasy head” qualifies as a pre-existing condition. 1.4083 0.04180 218 144 59 15
521 Have you had any more delusions of grandeur since your last visit? 1.4080 0.04466 174 112 53 9
522 Your insurance will only cover generic leeches. 1.4078 0.04859 179 122 41 16
523 Let’s test for delusions of grandeur. 1.4074 0.04550 216 150 44 22
524 I recommend an assisted living castle 1.4072 0.04225 194 125 59 10
525 I recommend you spend less time sitting on the throne. 1.4068 0.05676 118 78 32 8
526 The robe is supposed to be the other way around. 1.4068 0.04696 177 118 46 13
527 Recognizing the divine right of kings, let me start by saying immortality is overrated. 1.4068 0.05802 118 79 30 9
528 Delusions of grandeur is a side effect of that drug. 1.4055 0.04438 217 149 48 20
529 You have the greatest cholesterol and blood pressure, your highness. Anything else you want in this record? 1.4055 0.04533 217 151 44 22
530 Let' just say that the toast "Long live the King" might be inappropriate going forward. 1.4055 0.04139 217 143 60 14
531 So how are your movements when you're on the throne?" 1.4055 0.04390 217 148 50 19
532 Please keep in mind, I’m just the messenger. 1.4055 0.04486 217 150 46 21
533 Does it also feel heavy when you DON'T wear the crown? 1.4055 0.04291 217 146 54 17
534 Patients told us the old gowns made them feel undignified. 1.4055 0.04139 217 143 60 14
535 Would you say the pain is sharper than a serpent's tooth? 1.4047 0.04164 215 142 59 14
536 Your number of wives is higher than your sperm count, Henry. 1.4041 0.04602 193 131 46 16
537 So let me understand. You love the 'sparkly little crown' and the 'warm fuzzy robe', and outwardly you're the King. But somewhere deep inside, you'd rather be the Queen. 1.4038 0.04137 213 140 60 13
538 What new clothes? You are completely naked, your majesty. 1.4038 0.04396 213 145 50 18
539 Looks like HBO is only giving you three weeks to live. 1.4038 0.04137 213 140 60 13
540 Hemorrhoids can be ... well you know. 1.4038 0.04446 213 146 48 19
541 Let's put it this way...you're gonna need some extra help to raise the draw bridge. 1.4038 0.04346 213 144 52 17
542 I'm sorry to say that it looks like you called for your pipe too often. 1.4038 0.04346 213 144 52 17
543 The MRI says you have a merry old soul. 1.4038 0.04243 213 142 56 15
544 Our lab report indicates you suffer from a bout of acute anachronism. 1.4038 0.04446 213 146 48 19
545 Well, if you insist, I can call it a royal pain. 1.4038 0.04396 213 145 50 18
546 So for 3 years you believed you were king of the United States. 1.4038 0.04736 213 152 36 25
547 Have you given much thought to your successor? 1.4038 0.04396 213 145 50 18
548 You want me to write a letter saying you are the healthiest patient I've ever examined? 1.4038 0.04446 213 146 48 19
549 Under "Exam Requested" did you write "Regal" or "Rectal"? 1.4028 0.04526 211 146 45 20
550 You'll laugh at this: Her Majesty the Queen also just asked me to recommend a good poison. 1.4028 0.04721 211 150 37 24
551 A King’s ransom!? Wait until you get the anesthesia bill. 1.4028 0.04108 211 138 61 12
552 Is King your first name or your last name? 1.4028 0.04162 211 139 59 13
553 No, I wouldn't say you're fit for a king. 1.4021 0.04755 194 135 40 19
554 The good news is, there's an opening in the Kingdom of Heaven. 1.4010 0.04587 207 144 43 20
555 We have chlamydia 1.4010 0.04378 207 140 51 16
556 So tell me, when was your last royal flush? 1.4010 0.04378 207 140 51 16
557 Wait... what turned gold? 1.4000 0.04352 205 138 52 15
558 It could be feudal. 1.3981 0.04247 216 146 54 16
559 No, your majesty, blue blood is not a good thing. 1.3981 0.04224 206 137 56 13
560 No, 'long live the king' was not where I was going with this. 1.3981 0.04280 206 138 54 14
561 You can keep your crown on for the rectal exam, yes. 1.3981 0.04496 206 142 46 18
562 You have an Oedipus simplex. 1.3981 0.04389 206 140 50 16
563 First the good news. You’re a merry old soul. 1.3981 0.04335 206 139 52 15
564 I’m sorry to say but your blood is red. 1.3981 0.04496 206 142 46 18
565 So your highness... Is there an heir to the throne? 1.3981 0.04600 206 144 42 20
566 It seems you have everything! 1.3981 0.04335 206 139 52 15
567 No more pipe and bowl, and I'd like to see you to cut back to one fiddler. 1.3981 0.04443 206 141 48 17
568 The crown jewels seem quite healthy for a man your age. 1.3981 0.04548 206 143 44 19
569 Looks like the Prime Minister has cancelled you health insurance. 1.3981 0.04111 206 135 60 11
570 "I've always thought of 'royal pain' as more of a metaphorical term." 1.3981 0.04443 206 141 48 17
571 I feel like one of us is overdressed. 1.3975 0.05006 161 110 38 13
572 I'm sorry but it really is just a common cold. 1.3974 0.05154 151 103 36 12
573 Actually, the tests show you were side-swiped by a rook. 1.3971 0.04418 204 139 49 16
574 Ok so it says here you got 'sceptre' and 'suppository' confused... 1.3971 0.04579 204 142 43 19
575 You really to lay off the burgers, King. 1.3971 0.04308 204 137 53 14
576 Looks like you’ll need to rest on your laurels for a bit. 1.3971 0.04418 204 139 49 16
577 I wish I could say, “long live the king”, but this chart says otherwise 1.3971 0.04526 204 141 45 18
578 It appears that you "had it your way" too many times. 1.3971 0.04194 204 135 57 12
579 There's no easy way to say this, but you only have a few episodes left. 1.3969 0.05384 131 88 34 9
580 I'm sorry, but continuing treatment seems feudal. 1.3962 0.04352 212 145 50 17
581 Sorry, but this clearly shows that you have no clothes. 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
582 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Let's try a neck collar. 1.3960 0.04162 202 133 58 11
583 Monarchcare Part D does not cover viagra. 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
584 Your chest xray shows that you've called for your pipe too often. 1.3960 0.04448 202 138 48 16
585 Forgive me sire,but I don't think you were meant to eat all four and twenty blackbirds in one sitting. 1.3960 0.04392 202 137 50 15
586 I'm afraid your insurance company did not approve the procedure, your Majesty. 1.3960 0.04335 202 136 52 14
587 We have cancer. And by “we” I mean the royal “we”. And by the royal “we” I mean you 1.3960 0.04448 202 138 48 16
588 So you say your joints only ache when you reign? 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
589 I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're royally screwed. 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
590 A solid -gold penis is one of the negative side effects of your condition, King Midas. 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
591 But without them you would be the Queen. 1.3960 0.04871 202 146 32 24
592 So just for our records would you describe the pain as mild, moderate, extreme, or royal? 1.3960 0.04557 202 140 44 18
593 Let's just say you're not exactly the King of hearts. 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
594 It’s called Throne’s Disease. 1.3960 0.04220 202 134 56 12
595 Your genetics indicate you are related to the Romanovs, the Hapburgs, and the mascot of a popular fast food chain. 1.3960 0.04392 202 137 50 15
596 I’m afraid the tests came back positive for delusions of grandeur. 1.3960 0.04716 202 143 38 21
597 All the analysis confirm you are a royal pain 1.3951 0.04455 205 141 47 17
598 I'm not going to lie to you; it's Trump Syndrome 1.3949 0.05328 157 111 30 16
599 I’m afraid “witch’s curse” is not considered a pre-existing condition. 1.3941 0.04645 203 143 40 20
600 DNA results came in. You are the pauper! 1.3935 0.04292 216 148 51 17
601 Now, we just need a sample of the Royal Wee. 1.3935 0.04488 216 152 43 21
602 Now if you would please disrobe. 1.3929 0.04709 196 138 39 19
603 I have your test results, and now I know why they call you "Your Highness." 1.3929 0.04422 196 133 49 14
604 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but you have the common cold. 1.3929 0.04539 196 135 45 16
605 It appears to be a an Old King Cold. 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
606 Actually, your highness, in this context I do need you to wear no clothes. 1.3929 0.04363 196 132 51 13
607 I suppose I'd say you're fit...for a king. 1.3929 0.04302 196 131 53 12
608 I get that you're the Burger King, but try salad sometimes. 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
609 Unfortunately, you did not opt for the "Royal Package" insurance plan. 1.3929 0.04653 196 137 41 18
610 I'm afraid there's still no cure for democracy 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
611 Yes, Emperor, you must remove your clothes. 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
612 No, you can't lower your cholesterol by royal decree. 1.3929 0.04302 196 131 53 12
613 King or no King, you still need a colonoscopy. 1.3929 0.04539 196 135 45 16
614 So, your Highness, would you like to write my report of your annual physical again this year? 1.3929 0.05031 196 144 27 25
615 No you can't designate one of your subjects to suffer your gout for you. 1.3927 0.04250 191 126 55 10
616 Well, Mr. Cole, it seems you called for your pipe a little too often. 1.3927 0.04250 191 126 55 10
617 It’s about the family jewels... 1.3927 0.04623 191 132 43 16
618 You're in the wrong place. The dentist does crowns. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
619 Yes, hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
620 Are you seriously asking me to sign a letter saying that you are the physically fittest king there has ever been? 1.3927 0.04682 191 133 41 17
621 So, beheading the jester didn't help with your depression? 1.3927 0.04682 191 133 41 17
622 So, tell me a little bit about the medical history of the family members you've listed here, Ace, Queen and Jack. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
623 Well the good news is, your son gets to be king. 1.3927 0.04798 191 135 37 19
624 That’s all very fascinating, but I needed to know your MEDICAL history. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
625 One of your Fiddlers Three has given you herpes. 1.3927 0.04682 191 133 41 17
626 Hmmm, your blue cell count is getting a little low 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
627 It IS good to be the King. It's just not good to be the King's cholesterol level. 1.3927 0.04623 191 132 43 16
628 Mr. President: your test results clearly indicate an allergy to reality. 1.3927 0.04855 191 136 35 20
629 The MRI proves it, Mr. President; You are delusional. 1.3927 0.05185 191 142 23 26
630 You do have a merry old soul. It's your ticker that's the problem. 1.3927 0.04623 191 132 43 16
631 This isn't the first scepter I've seen stuck there, and I'm sure it won't be the last. 1.3927 0.04314 191 127 53 11
632 Well, you might be royalty, but your cold is common. 1.3927 0.04563 191 131 45 15
633 You really ate four and twenty blackbirds, sire? With your ulcer 1.3927 0.04378 191 128 51 12
634 At the risk of losing my head, I have some bad news! 1.3924 0.05066 158 109 36 13
635 I need to know that you know what kind of crown replacement you're here for. 1.3906 0.04543 192 132 45 15
636 It has turned to gold. I told you to stop touching yourself. 1.3906 0.04778 192 136 37 19
637 Well, you really are the man who has everything! 1.3906 0.04543 192 132 45 15
638 When you say, we're about to die, is that the royal we? 1.3906 0.04483 192 131 47 14
639 The robe is meant to be worn with the opening in the back! 1.3906 0.04720 192 135 39 18
640 I don't care if you do behead me, that's not going to shrink your prostate. 1.3906 0.04297 192 128 53 11
641 Not every body part of a King is going to be king size. You are perfectly normal. 1.3906 0.04483 192 131 47 14
642 All these years of being a merry old soul has taken its toll. 1.3906 0.04297 192 128 53 11
643 I'm afraid '16th century monarch' is a preexisting condition. 1.3906 0.04603 192 133 43 16
644 Hmmm...I see that uneasy lies thy head. 1.3897 0.04374 195 132 50 13
645 Well Henry tell your wife not to worry it's just gas. Nothing to lose her head over. 1.3897 0.04493 195 134 46 15
646 You can wear the crown, but I will need you to remove your robe. 1.3895 0.04696 190 133 40 17
647 There isn’t an easy way to say this, but you’ve got about six months until checkmate. 1.3886 0.04216 193 128 55 10
648 And now you want me to put her head back on? 1.3883 0.04483 188 128 47 13
649 Do you know the difference between prostrate and prostate? 1.3881 0.04454 201 139 46 16
650 Do you have a robe that opens in the back? 1.3873 0.04461 204 142 45 17
651 I'm going to suggest you cut back on the knight life. 1.3871 0.05209 155 109 32 14
652 According to my DSM manual, you have what's called TDS, aka Trump Derangement Syndrome. 1.3862 0.04769 189 134 37 18
653 You may have called for your pipe and your bowl once too often. 1.3862 0.04464 189 129 47 13
654 You are the healthiest king in U.S. History. 1.3862 0.05111 189 140 25 24
655 I have bad news... Long live the next king! 1.3862 0.04709 189 133 39 17
656 Yes your majesty, claiming bone spurs should do the trick. 1.3862 0.04769 189 134 37 18
657 Your coverage is denied. A royal pain in the neck is a pre-existing condition. 1.3862 0.04336 189 127 51 11
658 I'm very sorry; it's democracy. 1.3851 0.04989 161 112 36 13
659 So you say your head feels "heavy"? 1.3850 0.04495 187 128 46 13
660 I'm afraid we'll have to delay the transfusion, Your Majesty. There's a shortage of blue at the blood bank. 1.3850 0.04621 187 130 42 15
661 Golden touch, you say? We'll do a tetanus shot just in case. 1.3850 0.04163 187 123 56 8
662 Bad news. We're looking at a deviated scepter. 1.3842 0.04382 190 129 49 12
663 Well, your majesty, I can't really do a thorough exam if I'm kneeling. 1.3842 0.04507 190 131 45 14
664 I'm sorry Your Highness, but we just don't have any way to turn you back into a frog. 1.3842 0.04806 190 136 35 19
665 But you don't have bone spurs, Donald. 1.3842 0.04806 190 136 35 19
666 Nothing to worry about. Your blood isn’t really supposed to be blue. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
667 It's a pleasure to finally meet the Single Payer. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
668 Sorry, your insurer said no one gets the royal treatment. 1.3842 0.04629 190 133 41 16
669 The good news is they're gold... the bad news is they're kidney stones! 1.3842 0.04689 190 134 39 17
670 The test results show that you are, indeed, a royal pain in the ass. 1.3842 0.04921 190 138 31 21
671 Lets start with the good news. All your horses and all your men are in great shape! 1.3842 0.04445 190 130 47 13
672 Your blue blood count is very low. I'm prescribing abdication. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
673 And by the way, you've got the gown on backwards. 1.3842 0.04382 190 129 49 12
674 Trouble on the throne, I see. 1.3842 0.04445 190 130 47 13
675 The problem is with the Royal Wee... 1.3842 0.04689 190 134 39 17
676 So you’re living like a king these days. How’s that working out? 1.3842 0.04629 190 133 41 16
677 You can keep the fiddlers but the pipe and bowl have to go. . . 1.3842 0.04445 190 130 47 13
678 Here's my note saying you've got bone spurs and can't meet with the president. 1.3842 0.04689 190 134 39 17
679 No, blue blood is not a good thing. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
680 So you’re having problems on the throne? 1.3842 0.04253 190 127 53 10
681 So this is the statement you want me to read, Sire? "The king's health is excellent, because his overall health is excellent… He has incredibly good genes…. He is very, very sharp... Absolutely no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever!" 1.3842 0.04629 190 133 41 16
682 I recommend we cut it down to four and 10 blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.3842 0.04382 190 129 49 12
683 Sorry, your realm seems to be outside of our network. 1.3842 0.04187 190 126 55 9
684 It's a royal pain. 1.3838 0.04591 185 128 43 14
685 According to your provider, the deductible is half your kingdom. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
686 Your prostate being “king sized” is not a good thing. 1.3838 0.04395 185 125 49 11
687 All of your horses and all of your men can't make your liver alive again. 1.3838 0.04655 185 129 41 15
688 Research says you might change back into the frog when you die, so maybe remind her of how you met. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
689 I’m not sure I can prescribe viagra in good conscience, Oedipus. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
690 No, Mr. President, nobody else can tell it is you. 1.3838 0.04717 185 130 39 16
691 I'm afraid it's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The good news is you'll think this makes you especially special. 1.3838 0.04717 185 130 39 16
692 I’m afraid you’ve lost your touch. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
693 You see, His Majesty, when you learned that anything you touch turns instantly into gold, one would think that you'd have taken masterbation off the table. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
694 Your x-ray for bone spurs has been redacted. 1.3838 0.04840 185 132 35 18
695 When did you start to lose your touch? 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
696 You said there were four and twenty blackbirds baked in that pie? 1.3838 0.04259 185 123 53 9
697 Dressing as king notwithstanding, you still suffer from malignant narcissism, and you do NOT have unlimited authority or powers. 1.3838 0.05019 185 135 29 21
698 You do know that ' Long Live the King' doesn't mean forever, right? 1.3838 0.04527 185 127 45 13
699 Delusions aside, the theatre needs the costume back in time for tonight's performance 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
700 Good news, we found the scepter. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
701 It’s nothing more money can’t cure. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
702 Men your age often have difficulty drawing their swords from stones. 1.3838 0.04717 185 130 39 16
703 You can keep your robe on, but I need the opening in the back. 1.3838 0.04527 185 127 45 13
704 Your results from 23andMe indicate you are King of Mar-a-Lago but not King of America 1.3838 0.04960 185 134 31 20
705 Unfortunately. a King’ s ransom isn’t enough to cover your hospitalization. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
706 I don't think the "seditious mobs" will be placated by a doctor's note. 1.3838 0.04190 185 122 55 8
707 Your exam gown is on backwards. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
708 I'm afraid it's not just a pain, it's a royal pain. 1.3838 0.04591 185 128 43 14
709 Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Ed. You're screwed...royally. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
710 So, just some numbness and tingling in the crown jewels? 1.3838 0.04328 185 124 51 10
711 First we need to separate the real pains from the royal pains. 1.3838 0.04591 185 128 43 14
712 This is never an easy thing to tell someone, but I'm afraid you have dissidents. 1.3825 0.04493 183 125 46 12
713 Yes, you're delusional. But the costume is authentic. 1.3825 0.04493 183 125 46 12
714 What causes it?... Inbreeding. 1.3825 0.04624 183 127 42 14
715 For this exam, the robe opens in the back. 1.3825 0.04559 183 126 44 13
716 My apologies King Edward, this seems to be Edward Kings chart. You don’t have syphilis. 1.3825 0.04689 183 128 40 15
717 Well, we can rule out the common cold. 1.3825 0.04493 183 125 46 12
718 Yes, you may leave the crown on. 1.3812 0.04592 181 125 43 13
719 I'm afraid being the "burger king" has finally caught up with you. 1.3812 0.04724 181 127 39 15
720 Unfortunately, it’s hereditary.” 1.3812 0.04724 181 127 39 15
721 That’s right, “delusions of grandeur.” 1.3812 0.04788 181 128 37 16
722 Your Highness, you may leave your crown and socks on....everything else off. 1.3812 0.04724 181 127 39 15
723 We believe it may have been something in the pie. 1.3812 0.04658 181 126 41 14
724 I'm so sorry, but you have end-stage obsolescence. 1.3812 0.04592 181 125 43 13
725 Your soul could be merrier. I'm ordering a 4th fiddler. 1.3812 0.04245 181 120 53 8
726 Actually, Your Highness, the gown is supposed to open at the back. 1.3812 0.04456 181 123 47 11
727 The good news is we got out the stone. The bad news, the sword is still in there. 1.3812 0.04915 181 130 33 18
728 Today, I'm sorry to say, it's not so good to be the king. 1.3812 0.04387 181 122 49 10
729 There’s no real treatment for a Royal Pain.... 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
730 I would cut back on your trips to White Castle. 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
731 It says here that you sprained your foot in a 'serfing' accident. Could you elaborate? 1.3807 0.04611 176 121 43 12
732 You're in good hands. They call me the King of Hearts, too. 1.3807 0.04818 176 124 37 15
733 Any other symptoms besides feeling like you'll lose your head any day now?" 1.3807 0.04395 176 118 49 9
734 Now,let's address your problems on the throne. 1.3807 0.04540 176 120 45 11
735 With these results, I'd recommend cutting out the pipe and the bowl. 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
736 Well, my Queen, the testosterone injections seem to be working. 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
737 Gout may be the disease of king's but I'm telling you it's a bunion 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
738 Your Ancestry DNA results are back. You're not the king. 1.3807 0.04951 176 126 33 17
739 Well, unlike the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, we don't have universal healthcare. 1.3807 0.04611 176 121 43 12
740 I am a little confused...you were injured during a game of thrones? 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
741 From the best we can tell, Mr. President, your geneologic lineage does not appear to be divine. 1.3807 0.05080 176 128 29 19
742 To you it may be a Royal Pain in the Ass, but to me it's just a common hemorrhoid. 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
743 We found the cause of your headaches and sleeplessness in Henry IV, Part II, Act III, Scene I: "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
744 Well, so much for being a merry old soul. 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
745 I see they went all in on the new hospital gowns. 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
746 No, I'm afraid your manservant cannot take the colonosocopy for you! 1.3807 0.04540 176 120 45 11
747 I recommend getting your succession in order, quickly 1.3807 0.04681 176 122 41 13
748 The first name is Your, and the last name is Majesty." Is that correct? 1.3807 0.04951 176 126 33 17
749 Definitely no pipe, less bowl, and no more than two fiddlers. 1.3807 0.04818 176 124 37 15
750 Don't dwell on your limitations. You can still move in any direction. 1.3807 0.04681 176 122 41 13
751 I'll need a sample of the Royal Wee. 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
752 Ok then, how are "We" doing today? 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
753 Sorry to say, Your Majesty, but you are no longer ‘fit’ for a king. 1.3807 0.04611 176 121 43 12
754 The royal pain is where? 1.3807 0.04540 176 120 45 11
755 Let's just say the 'crown jewels' are just for show now. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
756 King of hearts? This electrocardiogram does not think so 1.3799 0.04825 179 127 36 16
757 Well, 'into each life some reigns must fall'. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
758 It definitely feels enlarged, but on a happier note, I think it's made of gold. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
759 Your Highness, you need to get more exersize or you'll be trading your kingdom for a hearse. 1.3799 0.04953 179 129 32 18
760 Your tests came back positive for a deviated scepter. 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
761 I'm sorry, but you are not really a king. But then, I'm not really a doctor. 1.3799 0.04889 179 128 34 17
762 your highness, it's your heinie 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
763 It's black lung, king Cole 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
764 I'm referring you to the coronary care unit. 1.3799 0.04825 179 127 36 16
765 There's no issue in particular causing your recent decline, you might just have a weak constitution. 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
766 That's funny. The Queen, Jack, and Ten have the same disease. 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
767 You may want to patch things up with your first born. 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
768 The test results are in , you just have a merry old soul. 1.3799 0.04625 179 124 42 13
769 If your head is lying uneasy, it's time to get a new crown. 1.3799 0.04417 179 121 48 10
770 Blue blood in your case is a preexisting condition.” 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
771 I'm afraid your condition is inherited. 1.3799 0.04417 179 121 48 10
772 Sorry, this time it's the the "Game of stones" 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
773 I'll need you to disrobe." 1.3791 0.04830 182 130 35 17
774 Emperor, remove your new clothes. 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
775 Disrobe. 1.3785 0.04520 177 121 45 11
776 We found 90% collusion. 1.3785 0.04660 177 123 41 13
777 I wish I could say “Long live the king!” but... 1.3785 0.04590 177 122 43 12
778 Well, King Midas, Sir, I'm afraid you really shouldn't have touched it. 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
779 I'm not a dentist, but I think you need a new crown. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
780 Sorry but we need more than “Son of Henry, first of his name” for blood work. 1.3785 0.04520 177 121 45 11
781 Thank you for your offer, but I'm not really sure that the title 'Earl of Proctology' will be that beneficial to my practice. 1.3785 0.04590 177 122 43 12
782 Good news! The crabs you have are king crabs. 1.3785 0.04795 177 125 37 15
783 Well, to you they're a royal pain in the ass. In this office, we just call them hemorrhoids. 1.3785 0.04448 177 120 47 10
784 No, sir, I’m not jesting when I say the proceedure will cost a king’s ransom. 1.3785 0.04795 177 125 37 15
785 I'm sorry, I can't fix your receding heir line. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
786 I'm afraid you have a case of delusions of grandeur, Mr. President. 1.3785 0.04992 177 128 31 18
787 I’ll start with good news. Fortunately, you have an hier apparent. 1.3785 0.04590 177 122 43 12
788 Well King Cole, it looks like your merry old sole may need Prozac. 1.3785 0.04660 177 123 41 13
789 No, vaccines didn't cause your autism, it was the thousand years of in-breeding 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
790 Why yes, Knighthood would be an acceptable form of payment. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
791 I see here you would rather be Queen. 1.3785 0.04928 177 127 33 17
792 First, the good news. It says here "long live the King". 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
793 You are the healthiest president in history Mr. Trump. 1.3785 0.04992 177 128 31 18
794 How much time do you spend on the throne? 1.3785 0.04520 177 121 45 11
795 So Midas--you say you're losing your touch? 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
796 You say you’re a-king all over? 1.3785 0.04928 177 127 33 17
797 No, your majesty, a ‘royal flush’ is something else entirely. 1.3785 0.04375 177 119 49 9
798 You'll have to go to the dentist for a new crown. 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
799 I suppose they would be considered “king crabs”. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
800 So, you're not fit for a king after all. 1.3784 0.04647 185 130 40 15
801 I can give you a physical, but you'll need to see a dentist for the crown replacement. 1.3782 0.05172 156 111 31 14
802 There's nothing more we can do. It's checkmate. 1.3778 0.04468 180 123 46 11
803 You probably won't want to be giving anyone the Midas touch for about 6 weeks 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
804 Your blood is pale blue because you’re anemic. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
805 I see here that you noted your occupation as hereditary. 1.3771 0.05032 175 127 30 18
806 But on the bright side, your son won't be unemployed much longer. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
807 Have you considered naming a successor? 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
808 I recommend less time on the throne. 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
809 The retest shows the same thing. Two Jacks beat a King. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
810 I’m not sure how to say this... checkmate? 1.3771 0.04832 175 124 36 15
811 See if you can cut back to two and ten blackbirds. 1.3771 0.04331 175 117 50 8
812 We're very discrete at our fertility clinic, Let's just call it a heir transplant. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
813 No, you're not the burger king. They give the crowns to everybody. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
814 Those bone spurs are completely gone. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
815 What have you been up to? The lab report says king crabs. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
816 It says here you ate four and twenty blackbirds? 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
817 Your ancestry results came back, and I have some unfortunate news.... 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
818 Most of the test results look fine, but your blue blood cell count is a little on the low side. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
819 Just a bit of inflammation of the crown jewels. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
820 That's a very common location for a royal pain, but I'm going to refer you to a proctologist for further evaluation. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
821 Your mother and I both told you not to touch it. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
822 This is highly unusual for a man,but I'm afraid to inform you that you're crowning. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
823 Make me a knight, and I'll waive your deductible 1.3771 0.04832 175 124 36 15
824 She's right - you need to let other people eat cake. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
825 I said you are impotent, not important. 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
826 Other than “royal,” how would you describe your pain? 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
827 Looks like you've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.3771 0.04832 175 124 36 15
828 I have your diagnosis here. You're experiencing something we call "compassion". 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
829 Well, it appears that you’re Royally screwed. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
830 You can keep the fiddlers, but the pipe and bowl have got to go. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
831 That explains the blackbird beaks in your stomach! 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
832 Even you can't afford healthcare, Midas. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
833 This DNA test shows you father was the jester. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
834 To clarify, 'your highness' refers to your elevated lab results. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
835 I'm afraid you have it all. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
836 I'm sorry, Henry, according to the DNA report, your father was the court jester. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
837 I have your test results, and let's just say winter is coming. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
838 Yes Sire, the Emperor's New Clothes still have to come off... 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
839 I'm going to refer you to an in-realm provider. 1.3767 0.05156 146 102 33 11
840 The good news is that we've located the scepter. 1.3764 0.04569 178 123 43 12
841 I'm sorry your majesty, but I cannot give you anything other than the full unredacted report... 1.3764 0.04773 178 126 37 15
842 Well, your dilemma over abdication is now academic. 1.3764 0.04904 178 128 33 17
843 I'm afraid it's spread through all the realm. 1.3764 0.04499 178 122 45 11
844 I'm sorry, but it seems that you're royally screwed. 1.3764 0.04969 178 129 31 18
845 So you’ve been experiencing trouble with your constitution? 1.3764 0.04773 178 126 37 15
846 'The good news is we found your scepter........." 1.3764 0.04773 178 126 37 15
847 I'm afraid your blood is blue. 1.3764 0.04356 178 120 49 9
848 The robe goes on the other way. 1.3764 0.04638 178 124 41 13
849 Lay off the Crown Royal. 1.3759 0.05185 141 98 33 10
850 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing hereditary syndromes. 1.3757 0.04586 173 119 43 11
851 Looks clean...no plague, pestilence, or mutiny. 1.3743 0.04543 187 131 42 14
852 This note from your quack says I’m supposed to pronounce you the healthiest 72 year old I’ve ever examined. 1.3743 0.04817 179 128 35 16
853 This is a very common ailment. Sorry. 1.3742 0.04498 155 103 46 6
854 I’m afraid your ‘royal pain in the ass’ is a pre-existing condition. 1.3742 0.04769 155 106 40 9
855 I'm afraid we've found a stone in your sword. 1.3741 0.05525 139 100 26 13
856 The Royal Wee is infecte 1.3740 0.05561 131 93 27 11
857 Based on your test results, its not so good to be King. 1.3736 0.04491 174 119 45 10
858 That's the normal location for a royal pain. 1.3736 0.04637 174 121 41 12
859 So, to which daughter did you want me to send the bill? 1.3736 0.04708 174 122 39 13
860 Your DNA test came back. The result is that you are 100% incest. 1.3736 0.04982 174 126 31 17
861 When you said your crown was loose, I thought you meant your tooth! 1.3736 0.04565 174 120 43 11
862 The gown opens in the back, your highness. 1.3736 0.04847 174 124 35 15
863 It says here your insurance won't pay for a new crown. 1.3736 0.05242 174 130 23 21
864 Well, the good news is that your DNA matches a fourth cousin of one of the Queen's chambermaids. 1.3736 0.04637 174 121 41 12
865 Well, mead is actually pretty high in triglycerides. 1.3733 0.04874 150 103 38 9
866 Your highness, I can’t write a letter that says you’re ‘astonishingly healthy’.” 1.3722 0.04859 180 130 33 17
867 Tell me -- what did Putin want from you when he promised to make you king 1.3722 0.04729 180 128 37 15
868 This is my first encounter with an actual royal pain. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
869 We’re going to need a royal wee sample 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
870 It's chlamydia. You shouldn't enjoy every dainty dish set before the king. 1.3721 0.04954 172 124 32 16
871 Maybe you had better tell me what you mean when you say, 'crown jewels.' 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
872 Your majesty, perhaps you misunderstood. The robe is to open in the back. 1.3721 0.05022 172 125 30 17
873 I was expecting an emperor with no clothes. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
874 We'll need a little more information besides The King." 1.3721 0.04815 172 122 36 14
875 It's not a royal pain in the ass- it's a hemorrhoid. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
876 No, the Magna Carta doesn't grant you unlimited referrals and out-patient services. 1.3721 0.04598 172 119 42 11
877 Good God, your blood really IS blue. 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
878 No...I said fatal, not Feudal! 1.3721 0.04744 172 121 38 13
879 All the scans came back negative but you're saying your head still feels heavy? 1.3721 0.04371 172 116 48 8
880 Your lab results came back positive. I'm afraid you're going to have to inform your previous queens. 1.3721 0.04371 172 116 48 8
881 Royal Pain in the Ass" is not a medical condition. Perhaps your subjects meant hemorrhoids 1.3721 0.04744 172 121 38 13
882 Well, you have very high cholesterol, a touch of gout, and a bit of megalomania —- so normal. 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
883 Sire, it looks like you won't be doing any more siring. 1.3714 0.04755 175 124 37 14
884 I understand that you can't afford insurance. 1.3706 0.04853 170 121 35 14
885 It says your blood is blue. 1.3706 0.04557 170 117 43 10
886 I'll be happy to announce that you are the healthiest king ever, aside from that bone spur problem. 1.3706 0.04924 170 122 33 15
887 You'll have to see a dentist, you may need a new crown 1.3706 0.04707 170 119 39 12
888 The robe and crown suit you, Mr. Trump. I'm a little curious about the beard 1.3706 0.04994 170 123 31 16
889 I'm afraid the pipe and bowl are generally contraindicated, but I can't see any harm in the fiddlers. 1.3706 0.04317 197 137 47 13
890 Sire, it gives me more than the usual amount of pleasure to ask you to turn around and bend over. 1.3699 0.04792 173 123 36 14
891 Heavy is the head that wears the crown" is right. You'll need corrective spinal surgery. 1.3699 0.04649 173 121 40 12
892 This is what I am to make public? "The King is in excellent health and will likely outlive all his detractors!" 1.3699 0.04792 173 123 36 14
893 In your case, it's not so good to be the King. 1.3699 0.04721 173 122 38 13
894 Let's start with fewer blackbirds in the filling. 1.3699 0.04649 173 121 40 12
895 Your results came back - you tested positive for regalia. 1.3699 0.04503 173 119 44 10
896 I'm sorry, but I told you what would happen if you touched it. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
897 When you said you had 10,000 men, I assumed you were referring to your army. 1.3699 0.04427 173 118 46 9
898 I'm afraid you're only a President. 1.3699 0.04930 173 125 32 16
899 No, you don’t get a lollipop. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
900 I am confused by your request. I am not a dentist and you already have a crown. 1.3699 0.04351 173 117 48 8
901 It seems that your actually a Queen. 1.3699 0.04721 173 122 38 13
902 It seems to be some sort of royal pain... 1.3699 0.04649 173 121 40 12
903 Unfortunately, Divine Right does not protect you from from acute sinusitis. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
904 So, everything is now turning to silver? 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
905 Under health insurance you wrote "food taster"... 1.3699 0.04351 173 117 48 8
906 And now this is the time for the Emperor to REALLY have no clothes. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
907 Emperor’s “new clothes” or not, I still need you to disrobe. Really. 1.3699 0.04861 173 124 34 15
908 It's bad news. The colonoscopy confirms you're full of s**t 1.3690 0.04667 168 117 40 11
909 And how long has your head been lying uneasily? 1.3690 0.04432 168 114 46 8
910 Has anyone in your family been a king? 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
911 It may well have looked a dainty dish, but four and twenty blackbirds have played havoc with your digestion 1.3687 0.04676 179 127 38 14
912 Everything seems fine, however, your blood appears to be blue. 1.3687 0.04399 179 123 46 10
913 I see here that your temperature is slightly elevated, and you've been perspiring, but I'd just call it a Royal Flush. 1.3684 0.04822 152 105 38 9
914 But, Emperor, I do not agree with the other doctor who diagnosed you. I'm here to tell you that you DO have clothes on. 1.3684 0.05171 152 109 30 13
915 Well, you just feel like a young man. You're so young. I can't believe it. You're the youngest person. You are a young, vibrant man. 1.3680 0.05851 125 91 22 12
916 With your cholesterol, I’d work on being the “Salad King.” 1.3675 0.04625 166 115 41 10
917 You should have a dentist look at your crown. 1.3675 0.04703 166 116 39 11
918 It appears you will long live. 1.3675 0.04780 166 117 37 12
919 Queen, you say? For just one day? 1.3675 0.04856 166 118 35 13
920 No , I can't accept serfs as a co-pay. 1.3675 0.04703 166 116 39 11
921 Sorry Your Majesty. It’s just the common cold. 1.3675 0.04780 166 117 37 12
922 It seems that you're sick with power. 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
923 So, before we review your diagnosis, It would probably be good to make sure that the line of succession is properly established. 1.3670 0.04640 188 135 37 16
924 I’m not risking a prostrate exam King Midas. 1.3669 0.05417 139 100 27 12
925 This says you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3667 0.04519 180 126 42 12
926 You've avoided the dentist for 25 years because you didn't want your crown replaced? 1.3667 0.04587 180 127 40 13
927 No it’s the same rule: it opens and ties up in the back. 1.3667 0.04450 180 125 44 11
928 Well Bob, I think you're royally screwed. 1.3667 0.05909 120 87 22 11
929 You seem pretty fit, for a King. 1.3659 0.04497 164 112 44 8
930 When did you first experience these delusions of grandeur? 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
931 Well the family jewels look fine but I still need to check out your testicles 1.3659 0.04740 164 115 38 11
932 Well, your account has gone to collection, so that pretty much confirms that the grandeur is a delusion. 1.3659 0.04497 164 112 44 8
933 Don't worry Sir, unlike our American President, you ARE fully clothed. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
934 Can you describe this Royal Pain in the Ass? 1.3659 0.04971 164 118 32 14
935 I would say "long live the king", but looking at your results... 1.3659 0.04660 164 114 40 10
936 Your Highness, the robe should open in the rear please. 1.3659 0.04740 164 115 38 11
937 It appears you have a small uprising in your pancreas." 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
938 It is a bit irregular, but of course I can use the term 'crown jewels' if you prefer. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
939 Very common actually. In fact you’re my third royal pain in the ass this week. 1.3659 0.04971 164 118 32 14
940 We're going to have to remove the crown jewels. 1.3659 0.04579 164 113 42 9
941 There is a treatment, but it'll cost you a King's ransom 1.3659 0.04497 164 112 44 8
942 Yes, Mr. President, I do insist on the therapy at this point. 1.3659 0.05045 164 119 30 15
943 Despite your title, your Majesty, it is not good to have a king-sized prostate. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
944 Your family history indicates your condition may be hereditary. 1.3659 0.04660 164 114 40 10
945 I found your missing sceptre. 1.3659 0.04660 164 114 40 10
946 You put the robe on backwards. 1.3656 0.04673 186 134 36 16
947 It says here you remember being a frog. 1.3653 0.04680 167 117 39 11
948 I'm sorry Your Highness but we no longer accept coin of the realm. 1.3653 0.04832 167 119 35 13
949 What's your line of succession situation looking like? 1.3642 0.04935 162 116 33 13
950 Cut back on the mead. 1.3642 0.04777 162 114 37 11
951 Recovery will be slow; you’ll have to take it one square at a time. 1.3642 0.04856 162 115 35 12
952 Well you may have pulled that sword out of the stone, but it looks like you’ve also got a hernia. 1.3631 0.05025 168 123 29 16
953 I'm afraid your x-rays indicate a deviated scepter. 1.3631 0.04954 168 122 31 15
954 Yes, we give everyone the royal treatment 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
955 Your scepter is where? 1.3629 0.05649 124 89 25 10
956 I appreciate the offer but no, I'm not interested in a cabinet slot and yes, you're still obese. 1.3626 0.04890 171 124 32 15
957 I see you have a family history of beheadings. 1.3625 0.04975 160 115 32 13
958 The chart from your referring physician has 'Royal Pain' highlighted and underlined several times. 1.3625 0.05054 160 116 30 14
959 I’m sorry,... but Mr Dumpty didn’t make it. 1.3625 0.04732 160 112 38 10
960 We'll on the positive side Midas, looks like we wont be needing to issue any more prescriptions for Viagra. 1.3625 0.04815 160 113 36 11
961 Show me on the chart where King Midas touched you 1.3625 0.04975 160 115 32 13
962 Asking you to disrobe won't mean you are abdicating. 1.3625 0.04649 160 111 40 9
963 Regardless, it’s still called “Nursemaid’s Knee”. 1.3625 0.04815 160 113 36 11
964 Really hate to tell you this, but it looks like the royal treatment didn’t work. 1.3625 0.04975 160 115 32 13
965 I'm sorry, but the lab report has confirmed you do not in fact have a merry old soul. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
966 No sir, an elective procedure has nothing to do with letting 'the peasants' vote. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
967 Do you go to the throne in the middle of the night? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
968 I think we can solve your digestive problems with a royal flush. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
969 According to your insurance company, "royal pain" is not covered. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
970 Good news. The urine test came back as the royal wee. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
971 I said 'Disrobe.' 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
972 Get plenty of rest, and try to avoid sitting on any walls. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
973 The results of your tests show you to be the second healthiest person on earth. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
974 I don’t doubt that he’s willing, your majesty, but I’m afraid that having your groom undergo the colonoscopy for you is just not an option... 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
975 You’re allergic to your robe. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
976 You have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
977 You can keep the bowl and the fiddlers, but the pipe has to go. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
978 No, I said you ARE a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
979 Huh. It says that "we" have the measles. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
980 Yes it is, and it's king-sized. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
981 So...you're saying that everyone else sees your clothes, but you don't? 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
982 I know you are the King, but once a knight is enough. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
983 It appears you're way overdue for the royal flush. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
984 You have blue blood. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
985 Well, I'm sorry, but sovereign immunity is only a legal concept. 1.3620 0.05136 163 120 27 16
986 Is there any woman in the realm that we don't have to contact? 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
987 I can see why you were concerned about the crown jewels. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
988 How long have you had this royal pain in your ass? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
989 You’ve got a royal staff infection. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
990 Long live the king might be a bit premature. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
991 'The test results show that you're royally screwed." 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
992 The lab came back with "checkmate". 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
993 You’re fine. It’s Lionheartburn. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
994 To be honest I only dress like a doctor. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
995 I'm afraid the test results show you suffer from a superiority complex. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
996 'Your head is lying uneasy, we suspect the cause is your crown.' 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
997 Ok, Your Majesty, this is a bit awkward but, about that royal pain in the ass... 1.3620 0.04422 163 111 45 7
998 And just how much time are you spending on the throne? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
999 This is what we call a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04507 163 112 43 8
1000 It's perfectly normal to wake up in the morning feeling feudal. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1001 Thy penchant for meade hath rendered thee crapulent. 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
1002 Could you please disrobe? 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1003 You should't have glued it on. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1004 Hum, your tests results actually do show you have blue blood. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
1005 I'm afraid you'll have to switch to peasant-sized candy bars. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
1006 Looking at your family history, you're at an increased risk for premature beheading. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1007 I can't turn it back from gold, but you can use it to pay your deductible. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
1008 Unfortunately, it has to do with your family jewels. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1009 Here are the test results. You're royally screwed. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1010 I'm afraid you've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.05136 163 120 27 16
1011 I think you need to see a dentist. Your crown needs to be replaced. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1012 You know the old mantra, 'long live the king'? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1013 Before we discuss your DNA ancestry results, can I ask what possessed you to order them? 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1014 I don't think all your horses and men can get you out of this one. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1015 There is currently no known cure for a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1016 Normally I’d recommend chemotherapy. But in your case, I’m thinking let’s give leeches a try. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1017 I didn’t say you ARE one, I said you HAVE one. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
1018 You have a deviated scepter. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1019 Hmm... I'd like to run some more tests on your wenceslas. 1.3620 0.05352 163 123 21 19
1020 Of course I’ve chosen my heir... why do you ask?! 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1021 Well, the tests have confirmed it, sir. You do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1022 So, you’ve been spending a lot of time on the throne? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1023 The x-rays confirm recent speculation, your highness: no indication of a heart. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1024 After you drink the colonoscopy prep liquid, stay close to the throne. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1025 Your checkup has turned into a checkmate. 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
1026 Sure. We'll call it king-size. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1027 I am to surgically remove your opposition? 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1028 Where exactly is your royal pain? 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
1029 Well, let me put it this way: All of your horses and all of your men would have the same problem with you. 1.3609 0.05000 169 124 29 16
1030 First the good news. I believe the prince is already competent to rule. 1.3609 0.04784 169 121 35 13
1031 The technical term is 'prostate exam', but sure, if you insist, we can call it a 'royal pain in the ass'... 1.3608 0.05175 158 116 27 15
1032 Severe frostbite in both feet, Mr. Wenceslas " 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1033 You seem to have a royal flush. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1034 The tests show you suffer from excessive Delusions of Grandeur. You're not only not a king, you're a really lousy President. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1035 Your Majesty, the 'family jewels' on your head are not the ones I need to check. 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1036 So you spend a lot of time on the throne? 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1037 Take it slow for now... try not to move more than one square at a time. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1038 Good news, you'll live to see your kingdom collapse. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1039 Mr. President, you’re going to have to remove your robe. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1040 The nurses thought our patients felt too vulnerable in the regular hospital gowns. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1041 Well, these numbers officially qualify you as “Old” King Cole. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1042 Unfortunately, it's a hereditary condition 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1043 I'm going to need the robe to open to the back... 1.3608 0.04419 158 107 45 6
1044 I'm sorry your Highness, but even the royal hospital gown must be worn to open in the back. 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1045 I'm sorry, but it's still just a common cold. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1046 Sorry, your Majesty, it's about the other crown jewels. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1047 I think you should go back to your old career, Santa. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1048 I'm sorry, but the x-ray shows that except for the robe you have no clothes. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1049 I’m afraid your insurance does not cover the royal treatment. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1050 It seems like you had it your way one too many times. 1.3608 0.04598 158 109 41 8
1051 I'm sorry, your Majesty. It's a royal pain in the ass. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1052 Midas, you have to stop playing with yourself. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1053 Before I give the results, what exactly qualifies as 'bearer of bad news'? 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1054 Pomp and circumstance is fine...but in moderation. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1055 Bad news, I’m afraid. You have the common cold. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1056 Mmm, I see. You have a royal pain in the ass? 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1057 You have to wear a paper gown just like everyone else. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1058 Since you didn't adopt Medicare, this will probably come to about half your kingdom. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1059 So you say you're spending too much time on the throne. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1060 Well, delusions of being a king -in a democracy- used to be a rare disorder... 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1061 Too much time on the throne? 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1062 The Royal We needs to eat less and exercise more. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1063 Do you want the good proclamation or the bad proclamation? 1.3608 0.04419 158 107 45 6
1064 No mention of blue blood in your lab tests. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1065 Somewhere in an alternate universe...a King suffers from the delusion that he is Donald Trump 1.3608 0.05404 158 119 21 18
1066 I’m afraid you’ve been a little too merry, your Majesty. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1067 We need to get your peasant numbers down. 1.3608 0.04598 158 109 41 8
1068 The queen says I have a problem with kingdom comes. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1069 Too many Whoppers! 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1070 It appears you inherited the disorder from your father. 1.3608 0.05404 158 119 21 18
1071 What you have is an inherited condition. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1072 The deductible is half your kingdom. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1073 Is the crown always on when you get a headache? 1.3605 0.04578 172 121 40 11
1074 Have you chosen your successor? 1.3602 0.04708 161 113 38 10
1075 Just out of curiosity, who is next in line for the throne? 1.3602 0.04870 161 115 34 12
1076 The nurses insisted we get nicer robes, but I think the crown might be a bit much. 1.3602 0.04870 161 115 34 12
1077 This too, shall pass. 1.3595 0.04601 153 105 41 7
1078 Your blood test shows you really have blue blood. 1.3595 0.04784 153 107 37 9
1079 Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover the royal treatment. 1.3595 0.05047 153 110 31 12
1080 And now, if Your Majesty will turn around, it’s time for our tour of the Royal Dungeon.” 1.3595 0.05131 153 111 29 13
1081 The good news is democracy is dead and you're not 1.3595 0.04784 153 107 37 9
1082 You're a tolltaker, Mr. Johnson, so my diagnosis is "Delusions of Grandeur." 1.3595 0.04784 153 107 37 9
1083 I must repeat my warnings not to touch it Mr Midas 1.3595 0.05047 153 110 31 12
1084 John, I know it's Halloween but... 1.3595 0.04873 153 108 35 10
1085 It's not a nothing burger. Your cholesterol is a real whopper. 1.3595 0.05047 153 110 31 12
1086 Your blood pressure is through the roof. You need to stop stressing about McDonalds and Wendy's. 1.3595 0.05131 153 111 29 13
1087 I see you’ve been tasting your own food. 1.3595 0.04961 153 109 33 11
1088 You know about long live the king? Well... 1.3595 0.04693 153 106 39 8
1089 And how often do you call for your pipe? 1.3590 0.04893 156 111 34 11
1090 And about how many times a week are you on the throne? 1.3590 0.04543 156 107 42 7
1091 I'm so sorry your majesty, but blackbird pie is not part of a low-cal diet 1.3590 0.04721 156 109 38 9
1092 Tell the New Yorker editor that he needs to spend more time correcting the typos in these caption contests. 1.3590 0.05453 156 118 20 18
1093 We've run the DNA test. Jack is not your son, but the joker is. 1.3590 0.04893 156 111 34 11
1094 You can call for your bowl, and your fiddlers three, but forget that pipe. 1.3590 0.04893 156 111 34 11
1095 I guess it wasn't her prima nocta after all. 1.3590 0.04808 156 110 36 10
1096 And how often does this happen when your on the throne? 1.3590 0.04808 156 110 36 10
1097 Delusions of grandeur notwithstanding, I'm afraid your siring days are over. 1.3590 0.04721 156 109 38 9
1098 I'm afraid your ego will have to be removed. 1.3590 0.05141 156 114 28 14
1099 On a scale of 1 to 10, how much sharper than a serpent's tooth be it? 1.3590 0.05141 156 114 28 14
1100 Let’s just say things are looking good for your son’s promotion 1.3590 0.04977 156 112 32 12
1101 The procedure is illegal. However, because you have the power to pardon, we will proceed. 1.3590 0.04543 156 107 42 7
1102 I've got your test results and I am afraid "long live the king" might be a tad optimistic 1.3585 0.04910 159 114 33 12
1103 How many times a week do you typically pillage and plunder? 1.3585 0.05070 159 116 29 14
1104 The test results are in; you ARE a royal pain in the ass. 1.3578 0.06322 109 81 17 11
1105 The analysis shows that your blood is red, not blue. So the diagnosis is that you are not king, but color blind. 1.3576 0.05176 151 110 28 13
1106 And who is your insurance provider? 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1107 No, your insurance does not cover taste testers for your prescriptions! 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1108 Heavy IS the head that wears the crown and slipped are the discs in your spine. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1109 I'm afraid your highness, it's the common cold. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1110 Fortunately, your prostate numbers are low and your prostrate numbers are high. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1111 Have it your way. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1112 I understand you've had bad experiences being naked in public, but I do need you to undress for the exam. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1113 Crohn's, not crowns. 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1114 We still need to see your insurance card. 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1115 Congratulations, on finally getting health insurance. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1116 Mr. Jones, that is not the robe we left out for you. 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1117 Well first I'd recommend you cut out the Imperial margarine 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1118 Looks like a textbook case of Type II Noblesse Oblige. 1.3571 0.04387 154 104 45 5
1119 Says here you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1120 I'm sorry, but this says that you are out of network. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1121 On the plus side, they do call gout the "king's disease." 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1122 It’s not as painful as having a red-hot poker inserted into your posterior as befell your ancestor King Edward II - but it could sting. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1123 It's called "irritable crown" syndrome. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1124 We're hoping these new gowns will help patients feel less vulnerable 1.3571 0.04577 154 106 41 7
1125 Would you mind putting the robe on backwards? 1.3571 0.04483 154 105 43 6
1126 I'm afraid you're suffering from 'Trump Syndrome'. Very common these days. 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1127 King Shming. You are NOT allowed to bring your own examination gown. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1128 As I predicted, your blood isn’t actually blue. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1129 Let's hold off on anymore 'empire-expansion,' until that blood pressure settles down a little bit. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1130 I hate to break it to you, but 'long live the King' isn't going to apply to you" 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1131 It’s called Trump Syndrome 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1132 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, the jester shouldn’t take the prostrate exam for you. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1133 It says here, that you are blackbird intolerant. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1134 Well, the good news is your clothes are real. 1.3571 0.04483 154 105 43 6
1135 On a scale from 0 to 10 how bad is your Royal pain in the ass today? 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1136 Gout" is probably not your real issue here, Mr. Finkelstei 1.3571 0.05267 154 114 25 15
1137 Unfortunately your cardiogram reveals an incipient interregnum. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1138 According to the files, you’re adopted! 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1139 What you're describing sounds like a royal pain in the ass. 1.3571 0.05019 154 111 31 12
1140 Brace yourself, it’s a whopper. 1.3571 0.05019 154 111 31 12
1141 Your people do prostrate themselves, but that's not exactly what I had in mind. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1142 'Check up?'.. No, I am afraid it says 'checkmate'. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1143 The initial tests revealed no obvious heart weakness, but I'm afraid it is as you suspected: you've been trumped. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1144 I’ll need Your Highness to put that robe on with the opening to the backside, alright? 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1145 You must tell my subjects that I am the healthiest individual ever chosen to be King. 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1146 The royal jewels need a little help. I'll write a prescription. 1.3567 0.04783 157 111 36 10
1147 And tell me — what kind of work do you do? 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
1148 What was your preferred pronoun? 1.3567 0.04783 157 111 36 10
1149 I'm telling you -- contrary to what you think, blue blood is NOT a good sign. 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
1150 Have you considered a career outside of fast food? 1.3567 0.04951 157 113 32 12
1151 About this golden touch...you know it applies to everything, right? 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
1152 I figured out your diagnosis - you don’t have a jolly old soul. 1.3567 0.04697 157 110 38 9
1153 Are you sure you want your DNA results? 1.3567 0.04697 157 110 38 9
1154 About your coronated arteries... 1.3550 0.04389 169 117 44 8
1155 You are allergic to ermine... 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
1156 Time for a new food taster. 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
1157 Looking at your charts, and Article 1 Section 9.4 of the Constitution, you're lucky to still be here. 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
1158 I'm sorry your majesty, you will have to wear the Royal robe so it opens in the back. 1.3548 0.04460 155 106 43 6
1159 Yes, a royal pain would be job related. You can file a claim. 1.3548 0.04992 155 112 31 12
1160 These stabbing pains your getting, could they be coming from your heirs? 1.3544 0.04758 158 112 36 10
1161 Sire, shall I prostrate myself before checking your prostate? 1.3533 0.04836 150 106 35 9
1162 according to these tests, you are only 1/1024 Native American. 1.3533 0.05106 150 109 29 12
1163 Congratulations! Due to your recent weight loss we no long have to refer to you as in the royal we. 1.3529 0.06017 102 73 22 7
1164 Tell you what, Midas, if you just touch a few more things in here, I’ll waive the bill. 1.3529 0.04680 153 107 38 8
1165 Now you’re in my counting house. 1.3529 0.05796 119 87 22 10
1166 Cut down on that blackbird pie: it's undercooked and explains that stomach warbling. 1.3525 0.05573 122 88 25 9
1167 Do you have insurance?" 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
1168 Unfortunately, you're out of network. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1169 I'm sorry, but your HMO denied your claim to the throne. 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1170 It's really your call whether or not to include your bastards as next of kin. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1171 I'm afraid it's checkmate this time. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1172 I'm afraid to have to inform Your Majesty that there are side-effects to being a merry old soul. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1173 I'm afraid it's checkmate in two 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1174 You've got heirs, right? 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
1175 I'd like you to see a Middle Ages specialist. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1176 Turns out that being a Royal pain-in-the-ass isn't covered by insurance. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1177 I don't care if you are king, it's still time for the finger. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1178 You say you passed a golden what!? 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1179 I know you're the king but the people may insist on seeing this report without all the redactions 1.3510 0.05332 151 113 23 15
1180 It's not the delusions I'm worried about as much as the abuse of power. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1181 I'm afraid it's checkmate! 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1182 Well, yes, it can be hereditary. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1183 No, I mean your blood is actually blue. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1184 I'm sorry to say that your blood is the same as the people 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1185 I know who you are, but it’s just a common cold. 1.3510 0.05332 151 113 23 15
1186 I'm afraid this is not the kind of stone you can pull a sword out of. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1187 Which throne are you talking about? 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1188 We’re recommending a complete coronoscopy. 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
1189 Are you certain you live in the White House? 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1190 Unfortunately, the Round Table let its group health plan lapse. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1191 You're the second healthiest person in the world 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1192 It's not just you — absolute monarchy as a concept is dying. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1193 I can be discrete and designate the hemorrhoids as 'Royal pain-in-the-ass' if you'd prefer, Your Highness. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1194 ...in your crown jewels you say? 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1195 Despite the findings of my esteemed colleagues at 23 and me, your blood is neither blue nor regal, I'm afraid. Just 'O' negative. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1196 OK, I guess it is similar, but I’d still prefer you wear the gown we gave you 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1197 That scepter's not coming out without some surgery. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1198 When I told you that you need a crown I meant to go to your dentist. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1199 It appears you have an autocratic-immune disorder. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1200 I'm afraid "bloodletting" is no longer being covered by your HMO. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1201 How long have you had this "uneasy head" pain? 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1202 I'm afraid you have a developing constitution 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1203 We need to talk about your family Jewels... 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1204 I am sorry, but it’s time for you to call for your fiddlers three. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1205 Yes, you can be a king and a Republican, your problem is cholesterol, though 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1206 There's not much that we can do about your blue blood. It seems to be genetic. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1207 Well, King you have hemorrhoids...or as you put it 'a royal pain in the ass' 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1208 Let them eat cake in moderation. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1209 There's no easy way to say this. I'm afraid it's checkmate. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1210 Turns out, it's not so great to be the king. 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1211 It's just the commoner cold. 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1212 Pardon me, Your Highness, but I think issues with the family jewels should be discussed with His Majesty's Royal Gemologist. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1213 Your results came back, would you like them positive or negative? 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1214 Medically speaking, what you have is a royal pain in the ass. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1215 You do look good Arthur, but it’s time to ease away from that round table. 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
1216 Sorry, "Delusions of Grandeur" is a pre-existing condition. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1217 Sharp? Dull? Stabbing? Throbbing? What do you mean exactly by "royal pain"? 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1218 You're not a merry young soul anymore. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1219 A daily dose for a week should 'crush the rebellion,' as you say 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1220 I do not believe we have a cure for "A Royal pain in the butt." 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1221 Once we started charging concierge service prices we couldn't just provide a plain paper gown. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1222 I’m sorry Your Highness, the royal insurance only covers gout and the Plague. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1223 Without a doubt, your Majesty, I can confirm that my fee will definitely be a tad more than two chickens and a bushel of apples. 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
1224 Follow up in 100 years. 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
1225 Sorry, but your subjects' insurance plan doesn't cover dependents. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
1226 Well, you've got a King sized prostate too. 1.3493 0.05012 146 105 31 10
1227 When I said you needed a crown, I was talking about your tooth! 1.3493 0.05012 146 105 31 10
1228 That’s not the robe I asked you to put on 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
1229 Last month you were Santa Claus. I think you’re getting better. 1.3490 0.04658 149 104 38 7
1230 The crown jewels appear to be normal. 1.3490 0.04755 149 105 36 8
1231 Chosen by god isn’t a good insurance policy 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
1232 So you say you're having trouble raising your royal scepter? 1.3490 0.04459 149 102 42 5
1233 I suspect you're suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3490 0.04658 149 104 38 7
1234 I think it will be okay to keep your bowl and your fiddlers three, but I would suggest you give up the pipe. 1.3490 0.04849 149 106 34 9
1235 I must say, that’s the best looking crown I’ve ever seen...Who’s your dentist? 1.3490 0.05122 149 109 28 12
1236 Your dysfunctional crown jewels are preventing you from getting royally screwed. 1.3469 0.05345 147 110 23 14
1237 The good news is, according to these tests, your rightful place IS on the throne.. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1238 You are, without a doubt, the healthiest individual I have ever examined! 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1239 Let's just say you probably don't want to release these results to the public. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1240 You have the best health of any king who ever lived, but you need to stop worrying about building a tower in Moscow! 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1241 Does the Queen Mother know you want a vasectomy? 1.3469 0.05345 147 110 23 14
1242 You must put aside your pipe and your bowl. You may keep your fiddlers three. 1.3469 0.04695 147 103 37 7
1243 Sharp as a serpent's tooth you say. 1.3469 0.04387 147 100 43 4
1244 Charles, your mother is fine. 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1245 Your co-pay is a king's ransom 1.3469 0.05431 147 111 21 15
1246 Seems to me you have a touch of the Midas. 1.3469 0.04595 147 102 39 6
1247 No, there's no cure for decapitation. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1248 We've upgraded the hospital gowns for people who pay in cash 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1249 The DNA test is back; you're not the heir. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1250 This is the worst case of anachronism I've ever seen. 1.3469 0.05167 147 108 27 12
1251 Well, the good news is that your soul is still merry. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1252 Before I perform a colonoscopy, you may want to use the throne. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1253 Look Midas, I warned you before that masturbation wasn’t a good idea 1.3469 0.05257 147 109 25 13
1254 It's the worst case of Throne's Disease I've ever seen. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1255 I'm sorry but apparently inherited royalty counts as a pre-existing condition, so they've turned down your coverage. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1256 Pain in the ass is actually quite common in your demographic. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1257 Sorry. No coverage for crown removal 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1258 You describe this as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3469 0.05257 147 109 25 13
1259 Well, you’re fit but not for a king. 1.3469 0.05167 147 108 27 12
1260 Get rid of the pipe and the bowl, but you can keep the fiddlers. 1.3469 0.04280 147 99 45 3
1261 No, it's just a regular pain in the ass. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1262 It says here that you've lost your touch. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1263 Midas, you're way overweight. How many times a week do you touch yourself? 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1264 As best as I can tell,you actually have a royal pain in the ass 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1265 I think that your hemorrhoids are the result of your sitting on the throne too long 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1266 I’m not sure ‘deductible waived by royal decree’ is going to fly. 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1267 Let me get this straight, under diet you've put "100% flame grilled beef"? 1.3469 0.05167 147 108 27 12
1268 I’d relinquish the throne for something more ergonomic. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1269 According to this chart, you're sitting on the source of your pain. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1270 You seem to be suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1271 So....do you have a succession plan in place? 1.3467 0.04822 150 107 34 9
1272 Your 23 and Me is not going to make the prince happy. 1.3448 0.05121 145 106 28 11
1273 Well, if you didn't wear it so much, your head wouldn't lie so uneasy. 1.3448 0.04525 145 100 40 5
1274 You have a royal pain. 1.3448 0.04732 145 102 36 7
1275 As I explained, Sir, you didn’t win the popular vote, you won the Electoral College. 1.3448 0.04832 145 103 34 8
1276 Unfortunately we seem to have different ideas of "coronary." 1.3448 0.04930 145 104 32 9
1277 It looks like it may be Crown's disease. 1.3448 0.05352 116 82 28 6
1278 This is your invoice, Mr. Midas. You're going to need that golden touch after all. 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1279 Yes Sir, your crown jewels are fine" 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1280 King Crabs, but feel free to get a second opinion. 1.3446 0.04955 148 107 31 10
1281 Suffice it to say the crown jewels are diminished. 1.3446 0.04669 148 104 37 7
1282 Well your blood test came back. A nice shade of royal blue 1.3446 0.04766 148 105 35 8
1283 I'm afraid your days of living like a king are over. 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1284 Not to worry. ‘Blue Blood’ is just an expression 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1285 According to these tests, you have a royal pain in the butt. 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
1286 your last doc refers to you here as a royal pain in the ass 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
1287 Your blood work may explain that blue feeling you've been having. 1.3446 0.04955 148 107 31 10
1288 I’m afraid that means I’ll have to catheterize the royal “we.” 1.3446 0.04669 148 104 37 7
1289 My diagnosis: avoid Burger King for a while. 1.3441 0.06751 93 70 14 9
1290 I can't examine the royal pain in the ass until you turn that robe around. 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1291 I have bad news, you are royally screwed. 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1292 I appreciate you dressing up, Mr. Trump, but this is really just a routine examination. 1.3427 0.05167 143 105 27 11
1293 How long have you been in this country? 1.3427 0.04973 143 103 31 9
1294 Regarding that royal pain: Thou doth prostate too much, methinks. 1.3427 0.04973 143 103 31 9
1295 Let’s consider bloodletting as our last option. 1.3427 0.05167 143 105 27 11
1296 Your merry old soul could do with some exercise. 1.3427 0.04450 143 98 41 4
1297 You will still need to turn your head and cough 1.3425 0.05450 146 111 20 15
1298 We accept Medicare, Medicaid, but I’m afraid not MediKing. 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1299 'Well, statistically, all of your horses and all of your men will be of no use in this matter.' 1.3425 0.04706 146 103 36 7
1300 I wonder if the nurses will be confused with your request for a “Royal Flush”..... perhaps we should stick with “enema” 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1301 How long have you felt this way, Mr. Trump? 1.3425 0.05274 146 109 24 13
1302 No, not a "Tudor..." 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1303 Yes, your highness, your hemorrhoids could accurately be described as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1304 It's just a royal pain. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1305 The gown has to open at the back and all jewelry has to be removed 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1306 I find no evidence of a "merry old soul." 1.3425 0.04805 146 104 34 8
1307 Who is responsible for your bill? 1.3425 0.05183 146 108 26 12
1308 Looks like you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1309 You just had a coronary, not a coronation! 1.3425 0.04706 146 103 36 7
1310 Your Highness, I think we have a prostrate issue. 1.3425 0.04500 146 101 40 5
1311 Well, it came back positive. What did I tell you about playing with the Queen of Hearts? 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1312 No worries your highness, it’s just a royal pain. 1.3425 0.04706 146 103 36 7
1313 Your cardiogram indicates you have a heart of gold. 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1314 Have you heard the term “short live the king”? 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1315 It smelled like everyone else's, your majesty. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1316 Your condition is from spending too much time on the throne. 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1317 In your subjects' defense, Your Imperial Majesty, you weren't wearing this robe over your new clothes at the press conference. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1318 When was the last time you went to the throne? 1.3425 0.04604 146 102 38 6
1319 Do you ever experience delusions of grandeur? 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1320 It looks like you’re allergic to ermine. 1.3425 0.05183 146 108 26 12
1321 It appears to be just one of those royal pains one hears so much about. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1322 I'd suggest you lay off the burgers. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1323 I like to say that you are fit for a king,but the results say otherwise 1.3425 0.04805 146 104 34 8
1324 Well, I've figured out where that royal pain is. 1.3425 0.04805 146 104 34 8
1325 While preliminary, the tests indicate an ermine allergy. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1326 Your majesty, I don’t know if I can state unequivocally, that you are the healthiest individual ever crowned ruler of this Kingdom. 1.3423 0.05196 149 111 25 13
1327 Not to worry, you are not my first royal pain in the ass. 1.3423 0.04835 149 107 33 9
1328 Mr. Trump, test results confirm, you have completely morphed into a royal pain in the ass. 1.3423 0.05452 149 114 19 16
1329 You're all set for your medical marijuana card, Your Highness. 1.3423 0.04835 149 107 33 9
1330 It looks like you have a digestive tract issue, 'Throne's Disease". 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
1331 Yes, indeed, our fees are fit for a king. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
1332 I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, but your lab results fail to show even a trace of blue blood. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1333 If you keep sitting all day on that iron throne, they'll never clear up without better cushioning. 1.3415 0.05636 123 91 22 10
1334 Your blood's not blue, sire. 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1335 There's no easy way to say this, Jim—I'm afraid you've had a massive coronation. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1336 Maybe try eating more like a prince. 1.3404 0.04809 141 100 34 7
1337 Today, it's not so good to be the king. 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1338 Are you here for the royal treatment? 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1339 Turns out that you're not immortal 1.3404 0.04594 141 98 38 5
1340 I'm sorry, King Midas, but once it has turned to gold, I can't do anything about it. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1341 Whether we could put him back together or not, the Humpty Dumpty bill is still past due. 1.3404 0.04809 141 100 34 7
1342 Unfortunately, King Midas, we all lose some powers as we age. Hopefully, your credit card is still valid. 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1343 You have a condition called “affluenza.” 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1344 Well we did all the tests, but everything came back normal, so my prognosis is it’s just an old king cold. 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1345 I understand, but “long live the King” is not a royal medical command. 1.3404 0.04809 141 100 34 7
1346 DNA tests confirm that the man who tried to kill you and then marry your wife, is unfortunately your son. 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1347 On the bright side, we can name it after you 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1348 No Mr. King, you can't have it your way. This is a prostate exam. 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1349 Maybe you could 'call for your pipe' a little less. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1350 I'm sorry to say that you are not very fit for a king. 1.3404 0.05498 141 107 20 14
1351 It appears you are suffering from obsolescence 1.3404 0.04594 141 98 38 5
1352 You'll have to knock off the blackbird pie. 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1353 It says here you are having trouble 'abdicating the porcelain throne'? 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1354 Here's the doctor's note you requested. 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1355 For now, just stop touching things 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1356 Might the queen be turning the thermostat down? 1.3404 0.04594 141 98 38 5
1357 You know that thing where everything you touch turns to gold? Well... 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1358 You're too old, King Coal. 1.3404 0.04703 141 99 36 6
1359 You’re going to have to layoff the Crown Royal for awhile your highness. 1.3404 0.04703 141 99 36 6
1360 You’ll have to eat fruit for your constipation or have an enema... and we know that a royal flush always beats a pear 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1361 "Smoke one pipe, have one bowl then call for the fiddlers's three. 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1362 Is that your excuse for missing your last six appointments, you've been away at the Crusades 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1363 Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do about your receding heir line. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1364 "Your Na and K are normal, but there's a spike in your Au 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1365 Good news! For your transplant we have a lion heart available. 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1366 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. We're afraid it's encephalitis. 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1367 Turns out that royal pain in the ass is just a hemorrhoid 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1368 You’re in luck, Obamacare covers pre-existing conditions. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1369 The test results are back. Check Mate! 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1370 The good news is that we've found the cause of your migraine headaches. 1.3404 0.04703 141 99 36 6
1371 Yes, well, unfortunately, your prostate is king sized, too. 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1372 Tests show your crown is too tight. 1.3403 0.05041 144 105 29 10
1373 You're lactose intolerant, Sire, so no more beheading food tasters, ok? 1.3401 0.05418 147 112 20 15
1374 I suggest spending less time on the throne. 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
1375 Even so, the opening of the robe goes in the back! 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1376 This is a ransom note... 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
1377 But in your majesty's case I'd hardly call it the common cold. 1.3401 0.04679 147 104 36 7
1378 May I ask why you beheaded the royal physician? 1.3401 0.04874 147 106 32 9
1379 Bone spurs 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
1380 Tests indicate presidential privilege has gone to your head 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
1381 I understand you feel it is a royal pain, but sciatica is fairly common. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1382 When did these delusions of grandeur start? 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
1383 Golden touch isn't covered by your insurance, but the good news is you can probably meet your deductible. 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
1384 You'd feel much better if you could get your neighbors to build a big, beautiful wall around the castle. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1385 Amazing! Everything I touch turns to shit. 1.3401 0.05062 147 108 28 11
1386 Scepter elbow! 1.3401 0.04579 147 103 38 6
1387 You look drawn. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1388 The good news is it’s not cancer. The bad news is it’s bubonic plague. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1389 I'm not calling them that 1.3394 0.06004 109 81 19 9
1390 Definitely Biden's syndrome. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1391 Well Midas, it’s like this ... 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
1392 So, you complain about being hot all the time. Have you thought about taking off your royal robe? 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
1393 So you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders! Have you tried not wearing your crown? 1.3382 0.04920 136 97 32 7
1394 Yes, dividing the realm among your three daughters will definitely lower your stress level. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1395 Wow when did we get these new robes for patients? 1.3381 0.05060 139 101 29 9
1396 Your highness with all due respect , you might want to rethink the phrase: Long live the king! 1.3381 0.04849 139 99 33 7
1397 I recommend that you cut back to 2 and 10 blackbirds. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1398 I'm putting you on a blackbird-free diet 1.3381 0.04849 139 99 33 7
1399 I am a bit concerned about the gold level in your stool this year. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1400 How long have you felt unworthy? 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1401 I’d like to say Long Live the King, but … 1.3381 0.05262 139 103 25 11
1402 It looks like your complaint of a Royal Pain in the Ass, is actually a thrombosed hemorrhoid. 1.3381 0.04515 139 96 39 4
1403 Exercise, get a good night’s sleep, and hold off on the blackbirds. 1.3381 0.05262 139 103 25 11
1404 I'm sorry but I cannot report you are the all-time healthiest king. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1405 I think your crown is causing your migraine headaches. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1406 Well Your Majesty, the crown seems to be the cause of all your headaches. 1.3381 0.04741 139 98 35 6
1407 Well, the bad news is you have only about six weeks to live, but the good news is you have a merry old soul . 1.3381 0.04515 139 96 39 4
1408 I would like to give you the results, but they’ve been redacted by your staff. 1.3381 0.05456 139 105 21 13
1409 Sorry, it looks like you forgot to enroll in Medicare. 1.3381 0.05456 139 105 21 13
1410 Sorry for the bad news, but your blood is actually red. 1.3381 0.04741 139 98 35 6
1411 I'm sorry, but your coverage ended when you were deposed. We'll have to ask for cash payment now. 1.3381 0.04629 139 97 37 5
1412 Let me put it this way, you're royally screwed. 1.3381 0.05360 139 104 23 12
1413 When was the last time you had an abdication? 1.3381 0.04741 139 98 35 6
1414 Seems you have restless subject syndrome. Survival rates vary. 1.3381 0.05060 139 101 29 9
1415 The pipe and bowl make your old soul merry, Mr. Cole, but they're doing nothing good for your cardiovascular system. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1416 Im sorry, Mr. Miller, but your labs just dont show any blue blood. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1417 I was a bit surprised it wasn't gout. 1.3380 0.05085 142 104 28 10
1418 Didn’t the nurse tell you to disrobe? 1.3379 0.04613 145 102 37 6
1419 I'm afraid you're wearing the robe backwards. 1.3378 0.04751 148 106 34 8
1420 It supposed to open in the back 1.3378 0.04553 148 104 38 6
1421 Your bloodline is high 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
1422 Your Majesty, I'm afraid the 'Royal We' has not yet met this year's deductible. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1423 Unfortunately, based on these test results it is not good to be the King. 1.3361 0.05374 119 86 26 7
1424 The good news is that your dynasty is in good health, Your Highness 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1425 According to these record, your last physical was during the Crusades. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1426 It appears you've contracted a nasty case of affluenza. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1427 Bobby, the problem appears to be between your ears. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1428 Your a happy meal away from the golden arches in the sky. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1429 I'm OK with the fiddlers three, but you need to cut back on the pipe and the bowl. 1.3358 0.04665 137 96 36 5
1430 It's called Osteoporosis... but yes, Lame of Bones is more regal. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1431 You must be Mr. King my 10 o'clock appointment? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1432 I 'm sorry it looks like you are suffering from Crowns Disease 1.3358 0.05411 137 103 22 12
1433 Unfortunately, your merry old sole has a bunion ! 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1434 Any new royal pains: plague, pox, flux, gout, hemophilia, gangrene, syphilis? Are you using sunscreen regularly? 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1435 In your case, it's not good to be the king ... 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1436 So I see in your history you used to be a merry old soul? 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1437 Take off everything except your underwear, socks and crown. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1438 I’m afraid it’s hereditary. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1439 ''I'm sorry, but this is New York City so I have to ask you, who are you and what the hell are you doing here?'' 1.3358 0.05411 137 103 22 12
1440 It says here that you’re suffering from an inferiority complex. Have you spoken with the Queen?” 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1441 ... I’m afraid not, you’ll need a rear opening robe for this procedure. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1442 Purim is over, Sid. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1443 If I do decide to give you a work excuse, who would I send it to?” 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1444 I’m afraid you can’t rule out anything at this point your majesty. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1445 No mention of health insurance in the Magna Carta 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1446 You are the healthiest king in the history of the world. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1447 So, how long have you been having delusions of grandeur? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1448 You can look at it either way. You have the king of diseases or the disease of kings but it’ still requires a hefty shot of penicillin. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1449 If you can, please take a royal wee... 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1450 It seems you’re allergic to gold and fur. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1451 It's whatever you want it to be. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
1452 Well I'll be damned, it really is blue. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1453 You really could avoid all of these embarrassing problems if you would just first make sure that you are sitting on the correct throne! 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1454 The shoes did nicely. So the crown should almost pay for the surgery. 1.3358 0.05606 137 105 18 14
1455 To be fair, aren’t all your pains royal? 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1456 King Midas, I told you if you touched it, the consequences would be worse than going blind 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1457 Sorry to tell you this, King Midas, but THAT'S one thing you shouldn't have touched. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1458 You have king crabs. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1459 The results suggest it is time to name an heir 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1460 I'm afraid your royal flush is a big deal. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1461 Try to reign in your anger a bit Your Majesty, ruling with an actual iron fist is not meant to be taken so literally! 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1462 But what if the cholesterol doesn't accept the fact that it is banished? 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1463 No, no, by 'emperor of all maladies', I meant cancer. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1464 No. Even your horses and men couldn't cure this. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1465 Slide the rook two squares left, and you'll be fine. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1466 I don't care what Ancestry.com says. You have a common cold. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1467 Your family jewels are now worthless. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1468 Well, you're in considerably better shape than another tyrant I treat. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1469 I'm afraid I have to insist you change into the robe we gave you. 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1470 The results show you still have a merry old soul. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1471 You don’t need to dress up to impress me. I don’t work here either. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1472 For this, you can’t get a second opinion from the Supreme Court. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1473 How long do you sit on the throne? 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1474 No, 6 wives is enough. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1475 Let's give the pipe, bowl, and fiddlers three another try 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1476 You have a very old soul. 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1477 There's no easy way to say this, your majesty. but in my professional opinion, your throne will be vacant within 6 months. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1478 The consensus was to surgically remove your ego. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1479 we were told the paper gowns were undignified. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1480 You need me to pull Excalibur out of where? 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1481 A little less time on the Royal Throne will help those hemorrhoids. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1482 Well, anyone who eats four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie is bound to get indigestion, Your Majesty. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
1483 I think you've been spending too much time on the throne. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1484 Your merriness ceased, you say, when you received my last bill? 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1485 A royal pain it is, your Hiney, I mean Highness. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1486 It isn’t who you think it is. Your father is... the Burger King. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
1487 It seems to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1488 Have you been having thoughts of regicide? 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1489 Are you familiar with the term 'Thy Kingdom Come' ? " 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1490 Just as I suspected, you’re suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1491 You said the symptoms started in the 14th, or 15th century? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1492 Donald, Owning an empire is only in your mind. 1.3358 0.05606 137 105 18 14
1493 So much for long live the King 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1494 There were two other kings, two queens and a jack in here with the same thing you have. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1495 Well there is some good news: you DO have new clothes. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1496 No, Sire, not Guillotine, quarantine. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1497 yes, well, the good news is that we managed to remove three-and-twenty beaks from your colon. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1498 Well sire, it looks like your old soul isn't going to be so merry this year. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1499 Your blood seems to be shifting to red at an alarming rate. 1.3357 0.05230 140 104 25 11
1500 ...but do you have health insurance? 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1501 Perhaps the double Whopper wasn't such a good idea. 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1502 Are you having trouble with the Royal We? 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
1503 It says that you turned my nurse into gold. 1.3333 0.05074 138 101 28 9
1504 What do you mean, "WE are feeling fit as a fiddle"? 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1505 According to this, you blood is actually red. 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1506 Doc, have you heard of King Derangement Syndrome? Asking for a friend. 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1507 I got your blood tests. Seems like it’s blue. 1.3333 0.05734 108 79 22 7
1508 It seems you don't have insurance, but we'll accept your ransom. 1.3333 0.05151 135 99 27 9
1509 Yes, we could remove the crown, but have you thought through the political implications 1.3333 0.05204 120 86 28 6
1510 Sorry. For a moment I misread this as calling for a change in your regime. 1.3333 0.04792 141 101 33 7
1511 I wouldn't worry, King Charles. Your mother, Elizabeth, lived 'till 104. 1.3333 0.05040 126 90 30 6
1512 It's your choice - leeches or a colonoscopy! 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1513 Ironically, Monarch Insurance rejected your claim to the throne. 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
1514 I see here that you have a history of being a merry old soul but you’re going to have to give up the pipe and the bowl if you want that to continue. 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1515 Harvey, I know that gout is the disease of kings but this is a bit melodramatic 1.3333 0.05164 126 91 28 7
1516 Unlike the rest of your kingdom, you seem to be in fine shape. 1.3333 0.05040 126 90 30 6
1517 Just how royal is this pain? 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
1518 Don't kill the messenger... 1.3333 0.04702 135 95 35 5
1519 "I'm afraid that I can't accept the Prime Minister's word that your prostate feels just fine." 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1520 Sir, I don't care what you are the king of. You can't wear that crown in the MRI. 1.3333 0.04702 135 95 35 5
1521 That' right sir, cash paying patients are treated like royalty. 1.3333 0.04818 135 96 33 6
1522 Good news. Your lab test indicates 100% blue blood . 1.3333 0.04726 144 103 34 7
1523 Have you been eating blackbirds? 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
1524 Fiddlers are fine, but more grains in the bowl. And no more calling for your pipe. 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1525 Even with divine right, your copay is still $100. 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
1526 After looking at your test results I have to say, you are royally screwed 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
1527 I agree heavy is the head, but you still need to lose a few pounds. 1.3333 0.04751 138 98 34 6
1528 So, you're saying you fell on your scepter? 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
1529 Is there an eldest male heir we should inform? 1.3333 0.05151 135 99 27 9
1530 And if someone asks you to "pick your poison" again, tell them you're not thirsty. 1.3310 0.04899 145 106 30 9
1531 You know at some point I'll need to check out the Crown Jewels. 1.3310 0.05091 145 108 26 11
1532 Dear God, has my nurse explained how I check the prostate? 1.3310 0.04868 142 103 31 8
1533 It looks like we need to refill your plunder prescription. 1.3310 0.04868 142 103 31 8
1534 No, no, it’s a dentist you want to see! I don’t do crowns. 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
1535 Normally, I'd say 'Long live the king,' but these cholesterol numbers beg to differ. 1.3309 0.04789 136 97 33 6
1536 Your test results indicate that it's NOT always good to be the king. 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
1537 I'm afraid you've only got 6 months left to rule. 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
1538 We are not going to be amused... 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
1539 Have you tried investing in a standing throne? 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
1540 Well, the good news is that you can start taking ‘Long Live the King’ less seriously. 1.3309 0.05528 136 104 19 13
1541 Tell me more about the royal pain in Your Majesty's ass. 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
1542 I'm sorry, the DNA test shows that you have the Formica touch. 1.3309 0.05119 136 100 27 9
1543 Historically, Toxic Patriarchy Syndrome has not been especially responsive to treatment. 1.3309 0.04789 136 97 33 6
1544 Where exactly is this Royal pain? 1.3309 0.05429 136 103 21 12
1545 Your tests reveal that you're sorely lacking in the royal jelly. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1546 You really should have come to me before killing your third wife. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1547 Have you traveled outside your fiefdom recently? 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1548 You are fit to serve your highness, but I do recommend you see a jester three times a week , these are dark times. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1549 This diet will kill you. But have it your way. 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1550 Our tests confirm that it's just a royal pain in the ass. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1551 You say you’re spending HOW much time on the throne? 1.3308 0.04618 133 93 36 4
1552 Your grace, I'm afraid the gown is on backwards. 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1553 It is a Royal pain in the ass. 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
1554 So you fell off your Porcelain Throne? 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
1555 Blackbirds. Again. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1556 You're obese, King Trump. 1.3308 0.05620 133 102 18 13
1557 So, how long have you had this "royal pain?" 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1558 Ok, "royal" isn't a blood type. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1559 Your Majesty has a case of the king crabs. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1560 You can call for the fiddlers three, but the pipe and the bowl gotta go. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1561 When did you start feeling that you were in control? By the way I love your outfit! 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1562 You may be fit for a king but you're not fit enough for anyone else. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1563 The copay is quite reasonable, just a few duchies and six emeralds. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1564 Four and twenty? Baked in a what? 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
1565 These data show that you are truly the King of Hearts 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1566 Huh, everything you touch, you say? 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1567 I think you have been sitting on the wrong throne too long. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1568 Prune juice before you sit on the royal throne.' 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
1569 Let me get this straight: "You're the healthiest king ever. If you lose a couple of pounds, you might live to be 200." 1.3308 0.05517 133 101 20 12
1570 I think it was four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1571 ALl the tests came back normal, so I can only conclude it’s just a royal-pain-in-the-ass 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1572 Your head is uneasy. 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1573 Take two eyes of newt and call me in the morning. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1574 Your father had hemorrhoids, too--one of the downsides of being a sitting king. 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1575 Did you fire your jester? Your blood pressure is way up. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1576 Says here, you're suffering from delusions of grandeur... 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
1577 your subjects have diagnosed you as a royal pain in the ass ..... 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
1578 You see, it's about your family jewels. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1579 The examination reveals that actually, you have no clothes. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1580 How's the Succession Planning? 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1581 Well, the good news is that it’s curable. But it’s gonna take a King’s ransom to meet your deductible before year’s end. Any chance your wife has a better plan with her employer? 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1582 First off, you'll need to put that robe on the other way. 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1583 Sir, your gout IS very serious. “The King’s disease” is just a colloquial term.. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1584 We used to have paper gowns that opened in the back. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1585 The x-rays confirmed you aren't wearing clothes. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1586 Your lab tests are screwed up, and I mean royally. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1587 The knights want a psychiatric review? 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1588 I'm sorry to say that every treatment we've tried has failed. It's a feudal situation. 1.3306 0.05085 124 89 29 6
1589 Without insurance this treatment will cost you a King's Ransom. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
1590 Considering your symptoms, I’m surprised to find you sitting. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1591 I don’t care if it ‘looks noble’, your urine should not be purple. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
1592 Of course the good thing is, it's good to be King, but the bad thing is it won't be for long if you continue your present life style. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1593 Looks like you're royally screwed. 1.3304 0.05200 115 82 28 5
1594 Royal pain in the neck... a long pour of Louis XIII should do the job. 1.3304 0.05200 115 82 28 5
1595 Your head has to come off 1.3304 0.05344 115 83 26 6
1596 You have to disrobe. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
1597 You were instructed to put your gown on with the opening to the back. 1.3288 0.04773 146 106 32 8
1598 Sorry, reversing a warlock curse is not covered by Medicare. 1.3287 0.04940 143 105 29 9
1599 Oh, you've been sitting on THAT throne a lot lately too? 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1600 I'm an OB/GYN, Bob, I deal with a very different type of crowning. 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
1601 Speaking as your dentist, that crown has got to go. 1.3285 0.05493 137 105 19 13
1602 Hmm. Your past medical records are redacted. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1603 Yes, I literally mean you're going to need a king's ransom to pay this hospital bill. 1.3285 0.05394 137 104 21 12
1604 King Lear, I'm sorry, but the results don't look good. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1605 I'm afraid you're allergic to ermine, Your Majesty. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1606 Megalomania...it's been going around. 1.3285 0.04981 137 100 29 8
1607 No, genetic results from “23 and Me” do not prove royal lineage. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
1608 Prostateum Examinum 1.3284 0.05482 134 102 20 12
1609 The Queen wants me to prescribe the little blue pills and some hearing aids. 1.3284 0.04829 134 96 32 6
1610 Your ailment seems to be worsening Donald. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
1611 The stethoscope makes you look a little pretentious. 1.3284 0.04466 134 93 38 3
1612 So, you say these everyday objects.... they're not turning to gold any longer. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1613 Can you at least put the robe on with the opening in back? 1.3282 0.04654 131 92 35 4
1614 We'll be consulting with Dr. House. Or Dr. Castle, as you keep referring to him. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1615 You really need to quit calling for your pipe. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1616 I understand you've been experiencing a royal pain in the ass. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1617 Royalty? I'm afraid not. Your father was a saxophone player from Detroit and your mom worked the assembly line at Ford. 1.3282 0.05358 131 98 23 10
1618 Sorry, sir, you cannot have it your way. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1619 King or no king,you still have to cough. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1620 Somebody's been looking for love in all the wrong Renaissance fairs." 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1621 There's nothing wrong with you. Glenda Jackson's just a better actor. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1622 I understand it’s royal, but on a scale of one to ten how would you describe your pain? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1623 That's quite a detailed family history. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1624 So these uneasy feelings only occur when you wear the crown? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1625 Well, the way I read it, the report seems to indicate that there is no obstruction. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1626 That’s not exactly what I meant by ‘having it lanced.’ 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1627 It means from now on you’re the Salad King. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1628 Ummm... a royal flush is different than a colonoscopy 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1629 According to the test results, your blue blood count is a little high. 1.3282 0.04900 131 94 31 6
1630 Well, King Midas, there is nothing to be ashamed about masturbation in itself... 1.3282 0.05358 131 98 23 10
1631 Sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but, it's not the queen's fault. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1632 You said you have a few flagons of mead a day, how large exactly is a flagon? 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1633 We have your results, and we are not amused. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1634 I’m afraid your insurance won’t cover this procedure. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1635 So you're saying you touched it and it turned to gold? 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1636 Is there any family history of bubonic plague? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1637 You’re condition is definitely hereditary. 1.3282 0.04900 131 94 31 6
1638 You say you contracted this STD as a result of "droit de seigneur"? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1639 You're not exactly fit for a king. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1640 Well, the test was clear...no problems with the royal wee 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1641 Well, your Highness, the bowl is no problem, the fiddlers three are fine , but you have to give up the pipe. 1.3282 0.04654 131 92 35 4
1642 Our tests show nothing but the Oracle of Delphi recommends 2 aspirin and plenty of bed rest. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1643 Confidentially, it’s you who can’t have children.” 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1644 I've reviewed your GI series; it's definitely​ the four and twenty blackbirds. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1645 Your heart and lungs sound good and the statins are keeping your cholesterol under control. My biggest concern is your family history of beheadings. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1646 So you say we're alike, because I think I'm god and you think you're a king? 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1647 You want to become Queen for a Day? 1.3282 0.05573 131 100 19 12
1648 You have Whopper Withdrawal Syndrome. I See this a lot in retired Burger Kings. 1.3282 0.05358 131 98 23 10
1649 So lets see here your last physician was beheaded... 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1650 I regret to inform you that your blood is not really blue, Mr. King. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1651 Yes mr. Jones, your Royal-Dulux-platinum plan provides for a crown and ermine examination robe, but you’ve got it on backwards.., 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1652 I’m going to let you eat cake for now. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1653 I’m willing to state for the record that you’re relatively healthy for a man of your age, but I cannot ‘proclaim you to be the healthiest king of all time’ 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1654 Our tests reveal that your crown is too tight. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1655 You don’t have the right insurance for the royal treatment. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1656 Turns out, it's oligarchy 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1657 Well I hope it has been good to be king. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1658 I 'm sorry to tell you...there's no more oats to sow. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1659 It says, here, you have a merry old soul. 1.3281 0.05096 128 93 28 7
1660 No.This is not the Mueller report. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1661 Well, the tests confirmed it. It's definitely a royal pain. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1662 Clearly you are the King of hearts. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1663 It's cancer. You're royally screwed. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself. 1.3277 0.05483 119 88 23 8
1664 Just because you've killed your brothers, sisters, wives and children doesn't mean you need an antidepressant. I think of doing precisely the same most days. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1665 I’m just saying, a couple of laps around the moat wouldn’t hurt. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1666 You have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1667 Your cholesterol is fine, but your blood has highness. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1668 The royal we could stand to lose a few pounds. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1669 Yes, it is a royal pain in the, ah... 1.3274 0.05821 113 85 19 9
1670 I said colitis, not collusion. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1671 A royal pain in the ass could be several things. 1.3269 0.06025 104 78 18 8
1672 Well, your Majesty, the good news is that your blood work is fine. Your genetic analysis, however, indicates that you are not of the trump suit and therefore the Queen wins. 1.3263 0.06250 95 71 17 7
1673 You're allergic to gold. 1.3262 0.04982 141 104 28 9
1674 I believe you'll benefit from the new medicinal marijuana laws, Your Highness. 1.3261 0.04950 138 101 29 8
1675 I see nothing to account for your troubles on the throne. 1.3261 0.05159 138 103 25 10
1676 I'm afraid you have to stop living like a king. 1.3258 0.05213 132 98 25 9
1677 According to the genetic test, all of your ancestors on both sides were first cousins or closer. Kind of makes you the village idiot, albeit with a crown. 1.3258 0.05323 132 99 23 10
1678 You won't be such a merry old soul when I give you these results 1.3258 0.05101 132 97 27 8
1679 Blood work looks good. The lab says they have never seen a more beautiful shade of blue. 1.3258 0.04986 132 96 29 7
1680 We can definitely rule out the common cold. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1681 It's a rare type of rash called royal flush. 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1682 I'm not sure I undertand. It says in your file that you are here to have a crown repaired. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1683 You may or may not have to give up the throne soon." 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1684 I’m gonna have to send you for a psych eval. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1685 I'm afraid we don't accept your insurance. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1686 So, looks like you've had a few bad Knights 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1687 Sorry, I couldn't find a drop of royal blood in your sample 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1688 An increased diet of fiber will help lessen the amount of your time spent on the throne. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1689 No, I’m afraid your blood was red, like everyone else’s . 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1690 Take one before raising the drawbridge. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1691 looks like you a have a touch of Midas 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1692 Command of your bladder is also slipping away.” 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1693 Your tests revealed an inflated ego and a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1694 I don’t write prescriptions for medical marijuana, Your Highness. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1695 I don't care what your wife said. A royal pain in the ass is not a medical diagnosis. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1696 It's a royal pain, but we can correct it. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1697 What you call "a royal pain in the ass" we call hemorrhoids 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1698 So, your chief complaint is uneasy lies the head that wears the crown? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1699 What do you mean you don't have an employer covered health plan? 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1700 “Your Majesty, the X-ray report does confirm what the kid said: you are not wearing any clothes.” 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1701 Your guess is correct your Highness, the Royal Jewels have deflated and will no longer rise in value. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1702 On your way out, King Midas, be sure to hold onto all the guard rails. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1703 Unfortunately, you're allergic to ermine. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1704 I think I know why you’ve been spending so much time on the throne. 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1705 Do you want the truth, the whole truth, or anything but the truth? 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1706 What kind of doctor takes notes? I say beware of doctors who take notes. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1707 Yes, yes, you could have inherited it. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1708 Maybe try swimming around the moat once in a while? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1709 It says here that you used to be a merry old soul. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1710 Your regalia is low. How's your retinue? 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1711 Guess what? Reign wasn't the only hereditary thing in your family. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1712 Mmhmm, and how long have you been feeling this sense of nobility? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1713 You said you eat how many hamburgers a week?!?!? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1714 Rest, plenty of liquids and I’ll see you back here in a fortnight. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1715 Unfortunately, "Have it Your Way" doesn't apply to the prostate examination. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1716 Your liver enzymes are elevated . Crown Royal? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1717 So you see here, Medicare for All would, in fact, be fit for a king. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1718 Check. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1719 Except for being sick with power, your vitals look fine. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1720 I can't believe you hid all of your tax returns there! 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1721 Yes, you are wearing clothes. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1722 No, actually, it's AB+, and red. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1723 So it turns out it's not good to be the king.... 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1724 Not that long live the king. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1725 Let’s put it this way . . . Burger King or not, your cholesterol reading is a Whopper! 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1726 I'm upping your dosage to fiddlers, four. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1727 Well, looks like it's not that great being king. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1728 You can keep the bowl and the fiddlers three, but lay off the pipe. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1729 We're not sure what's causing your problem, King Midas, but we have some objects we'd like you to touch. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1730 I'm diagnosing you with delusions of grandeur. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1731 King or not, you're still fat. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1732 I'm amazed you're not feeling worse after eating four and twenty blackbirds. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1733 I've been a proctologist a long time, but sir, this is the first time I've literally found gold. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1734 Just because everything you touch turns to gold does not mean you're contagious. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1735 Don't worry -- what happens here stays here, Mr. Trump. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1736 Sorry Mr. President, but it will take more than this executive order to make the royal prostrate great again. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1737 It says here, you're a Royal Pain in the Ass 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1738 Your crown is cheap tin; your robe flea-ridden; your royal lineage fabricated; and your presumption of divine right an hysterical delusion. Otherwise, you’re doing fine. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1739 I think it's best if we see you more than just every other conquest. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1740 No, you are not the healthiest individual ever to ascend the throne. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1741 Your Highness, it looks like your Medicare cuts included you so it looks like we're going to have to put you down. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1742 Your kingdom for some Xanax? 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1743 Your difficulty breathing is caused by coal, Old King. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1744 Well, you're fit for a king. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1745 You can leave on the crown. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1746 That's a common misconception, but no -- moats *are not* a safeguard against syphilis. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1747 In your case, it truly is a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1748 Your history notes you’ve been a failed real estate tycoon, a tv entertainer, a past President, and you’re here for a check up to qualify for lifetime King? 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1749 I’d recommend more cardio if you want to be fit for a king. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1750 I see you have Kaiser care 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1751 I don't care you're dressed Bob. I'm not giving you the Royal treatment. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1752 Okay, so in your case the prostrate exam is literally a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1753 No. With Universal Healthcare, you’re get the same treatment as everybody else!! 1.3256 0.05736 129 100 16 13
1754 it seems that there was only minor improvement with the pipe and the bowl, i would like to try the fiddlers three and see if that helps. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1755 I can write you a prescription, not a proclamation 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1756 Blood type... blue negative. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1757 It's just as I suspected: a smashed patriarchy. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1758 Now all we need is a King's ransom and I can start the exam. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1759 You've lost your mind, Mr. Claus. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1760 When you say a Royal Pain are you suggesting it's something inherited? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1761 It's not me; it's the crown. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1762 While unusual, it's not unheard of to have a royal pain in other parts of the body, Your Highness. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1763 I'm afraid it's a hereditary condition. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1764 Royal pain in the ass. Let's have a look. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1765 Ok your majesty, the crown jewels appear to be in order but as far as value goes I suggest you contact the Antiques Road show. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1766 It says here that Royal Healthcare Services does not actually cover Royals. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1767 Yes, you have ankle bone spurs. You're excused from Jousting 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1768 I am sorry but I concur with the others. It’s the common cold. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1769 Depression, your highness. I’m going to prescribe a daily dose of court jester, or if you prefer, daily Trump tweets have also been found equally effective. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1770 Your Excellency, are you back for another case of Annus Horibillis? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1771 No sire. There is no mistake in the report. The colour of your blood id not blue. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1772 Hmmm, the DNA test says your ancestry is African! 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1773 And you don’t know how the scepter got there? 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1774 She stuck your scepter where? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1775 Technically, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1776 I'm afraid to say your condition is hereditary. 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1777 Sorry, Your Highness, the opening goes in the back. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1778 You might want to consider becoming the king of kale. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1779 I see you have Medicare a la king. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1780 You have a case of hemorrhoids, perhaps you've been sitting on the throne too long. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1781 I thought I was the Burger King. Now, you tell me, I'm the Dairy Queen. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1782 I'm afraid I can only give you the redacted diagnosis. I can, however tell you that you still weigh 239 and will probably live for 200 years. 1.3256 0.05736 129 100 16 13
1783 'Royal pain in the ass' is only an expression, Majesty. Shall we disrobe and have a look ? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1784 What about becoming the Veggie Burger King? 1.3256 0.05736 129 100 16 13
1785 Sorry Donald. You have bone spurs and are not eligible to be drafted 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1786 I’ll send a raven when the results come in. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1787 I'm afraid the prognosis is not good for your crown jewels. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1788 The tests are definitive: it's checkmate. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1789 I'm prescribing you something because your test results show that uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1790 It looks like you’ve been diagnosed with imposter syndrome. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1791 And Donald, again, when you look into the mirror, whom do you see? 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1792 King Wenceslas, you have frostbite. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1793 Yes, of course it is difficult to determine if you have delusions of grandeur, your majesty. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1794 Before we begin the exam, you're wearing the robe backwards. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1795 You gotta lay off the burger,king. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1796 You have an advanced case of obsolescence. 1.3254 0.05265 126 93 25 8
1797 I'm sorry your majesty, but you where diagnosed with a rather common disease. 1.3254 0.05018 126 91 29 6
1798 If you apply the ointment as prescribed, it will no longer feel as if you were sitting on an Iron Throne. 1.3248 0.05406 117 86 24 7
1799 So...you’re hesitant using the “Royal We”? 1.3246 0.05502 114 84 23 7
1800 The good news is you have a pure gold statue of your daughter now. 1.3241 0.04682 145 105 33 7
1801 Well, there's pain, and then there's royal pain. 1.3241 0.04882 145 107 29 9
1802 I suggest you consult your regular doctor.” 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1803 No you can't run for the Emperor of the U.S., that Kingship is already taken 1.3233 0.05500 133 102 19 12
1804 I'm afraid you have white privilege. 1.3231 0.05484 130 99 20 11
1805 Looks like you're good as gold. 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
1806 More salad, less whoppers from now on. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1807 "Royal Pain in the Ass" is not a diagnosis. Its hemorroids. 1.3228 0.05796 127 99 15 13
1808 My advice is stop eating at Burger King. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1809 Your test results are in : you have Crown's disease. It turns you into a giant parasite. But don't worry : there is a revolutionary cure. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1810 Take off your crown and bend over. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1811 You’ll have to give up your pipe, King Cole, but not your bowl nor your fiddlers three. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1812 Do you have to wear that every time I check your prostate? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1813 Your last checkup was 600 years ago. We'll have to check your insurance 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1814 Your cholesterol test confirmed it: you are the Burger King. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1815 You'll be ok, just lay off the cheese whoppers. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1816 From now on, less pipe and more fiddlers. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1817 Your genetics are troubling. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1818 Would you classify ‘turning everything to gold’ a positive or negative symptom? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1819 No, beheadings do not count toward your daily thirty minutes of cardio. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1820 How long have you been experiencing royal highness? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1821 Have you been out in a cold wind, Mr. Lear? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1822 If it's really essential,I'd move to a synthetic ermine. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1823 Didn't my nurse tell you that your gown should open to the back? 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1824 So, panic attacks induced by fear of violent succession by greedy children, huh? Yeah I’m gonna have to stick my finger up your ass. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1825 Well, I guess it's logical. You have a king-sised prostate. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1826 I've had patients lie to me before, but you tell some Whoppers. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1827 I suggest retirement, and rebrand the chain “Burger Prince.” 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1828 I'm afraid you have Trumpitis! 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1829 Yes, as a matter of fact the cost is a king's ransom. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1830 May I call you Louis? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1831 It says here you are King of Burgers. Is that a country? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1832 No, Your Majesty, your blood isn’t actually blue. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1833 The tests show that you have an allergy to ermine. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1834 It doesn't matter what you wear, you're still stuck with that balance of power thing. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1835 We have a prognosis on M. Dumpty... you just don't have enough horses or men to put him together again. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1836 You signed this referral form yourself, didn't you? 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1837 Good news, sir. Your prostrate is fine, but I had to move several of your sycophants out of the way to find it. 1.3228 0.05688 127 98 17 12
1838 I'm afraid my only method to cure you is a series of impeachment hearings. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1839 Mr. Lear, would you like your daughters to join us before going over your results? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1840 You really should lay off the Whoppers. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1841 Do your subjects know any chants other than long live the king? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1842 You know I was kidding when I asked about your family jewels, right? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1843 Heavy is the bladder with an enlarged prostate. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1844 I am going to prescribe you a new set of clothes 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1845 Medicare, I presume. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1846 Your Grace, the online diagnostics are confusing... they say: "The King is dead, long live the King." 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1847 So you used to be a caterpillar? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1848 It's called "castling". It's your body's way of avoiding checkmate. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1849 The problem is not with you per se but with your crown jewels. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1850 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown without the right kind of foam pillow. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1851 Well, your Highness, having a whipping boy for a stand in defeats the purpose of prostate exam. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1852 The emperor has no toes. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1853 Your prognosis is that in the future you will be played by Glenda Jackson. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1854 If by "the royal disease" you mean gonorrhea, then yes. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1855 You have a severe case of royal pain in the ass. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1856 We usually just send a postcard to confirm an appointment. But yeah, sure, a "royal invitation." 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1857 Throne sores, your highness....Again. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1858 You don't have bone spurs, or weigh 238 pounds, and your IQ isn't the highest in the world ever. 1.3228 0.05796 127 99 15 13
1859 Aside from people telling you you're naked. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1860 I see you’re complaining of: "Uneasy lies the head.” We often see that in heads that wear the crown. 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1861 I'm afraid this is no common cold. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1862 Overall your health is good,but you suffer from grandiose delusions. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1863 It says here you're suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1864 The crown's okay but the robe has to open in back. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1865 So, where is this 'royal pain' you're complaining of? 1.3228 0.05688 127 98 17 12
1866 Sorry, King. No more having it your way with the burgers and fries. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1867 I'm sorry your majesty, in reviewing your test results we need to remove the Crown Jewels at once. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1868 Frankly, I'm a bit worried about your low blue blood cell count. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1869 I assumed everything’s hereditary 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1870 I’m sorry to inform you, your Highness, but your family jewels seem to have lost their luster. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1871 It's just a bout of gout. I'm prescribing four and twenty Blackbirds, baked in a pie. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1872 The tests show you're not who you said you were 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1873 I'm afraid taking off your clothes is a risk you'll just have to take. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1874 You appear to have a superiority complex. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1875 First name Your? And your date of birth Mr. Majesty? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1876 Might be time for a succession plan. 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1877 Being fired by Burger King does not constitute a medical emergency. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1878 Alright, if you insist. We need a throne sample. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1879 Have you decreed anything unusual lately? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1880 No pipe. Less bowl. More fiddlers. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1881 Quite the family history. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1882 I suppose you can keep the crown on. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1883 It says here that you don't have health insurance. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1884 Don’t worry. It’s only a royal flush. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1885 Sorry to keep you waiting. We doctors are very busy. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1886 I won't bend the knee. However, for the next exam, it would help if you did. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1887 ObamaCare won't pay for it. Your social utility score is too low." 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1888 Are you insured? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1889 Since I’m a health care servant provider, you’re covered. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1890 Well, sadly, the tests conclude that you're a royal pain. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1891 Just out of curiosity, do you think the prince is well-suited to rule? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1892 Your old soul's merry enough but I don't like the looks of your cholesterol. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1893 No Your Majesty, this is what clothes feel like when you actually wear them... your chief of staff had been pranking you this whole time 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1894 Psychiatrist is down the hall. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1895 Yes, you're going to have to remove your crown as well. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1896 Is your royal pain more like the sharp pinch of putting down dissent, or the dull ache of an oppressive monarchy? 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1897 I'm afraid a Royal Pardon doesn't count as a deductible your honor. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1898 I’m afraid your subjects are right. You have no backbone. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1899 Not only is there such a condition as "A Royal Pain," but you seem to have it. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1900 I am going to ask you to disrobe. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1901 Forgive me, but it is a rather pedestrian diagnosis. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1902 Looks like it's the crown that is making your head lie uneasy. 1.3228 0.04455 127 88 37 2
1903 There aren’t many colorful ways I can say this, but I’m gonna go with “Checkmate.” 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1904 The crown may be gold but unfortunately thine health care plan is bronze. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1905 Do you have a successor plan in place? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1906 How many blackbirds were baked in that pie? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1907 I’m afraid the bishop has you in check mate. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1908 We don't have "a Royal Pain" on our scale - could you please just use a number? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1909 This calls for the royal treatment. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1910 You need a doctor’s note? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1911 I understand Emperor, but for me to do a thorough exam you will have to remove your clothes. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1912 When was the last time someone tasted your food ? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1913 Hmm, yes, you do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1914 Inbred, narcissist, cross dresser with gout. You’ve passed your royal pre-employment physical. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1915 So...as we suspected, that “heavy’’ feeling that you have in your head? It is the crown... 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1916 It's time to pass on the crown" 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1917 Are you spending a lot of time on the throne? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1918 So once a king always a king, but once a night's not enough? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1919 Toelessness is actually more common than you’d think. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1920 No, leather bags of jewels don't count toward a deductible. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1921 Do you prefer to pay for this with credit card, check, or the sweat and toil of nine thousand serfs? 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1922 ... and that’s spelled “L E A R”, correct? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1923 Well, your blood pressure is still pretty high and mighty. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1924 Only positive results, your Highness. "Your physical strength and stamina are extraordinary. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1925 And you say, “You’re a stable genius?” 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1926 If it makes you feel better, you do have KING crabs. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1927 Stay out of the moat next time you are intoxicated from celebrating winning a war. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1928 Sir, you have put on your royal hospital gown backwards. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1929 So you want the letter to say that you're the healthiest individual ever to be crowned king? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1930 Would you describe the pain as royal? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1931 We have a higher survival rate than Game of Thrones. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1932 Yes a colonoscopy is part of the royal treatment. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1933 This says you're sick and tired of being a king. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1934 Of course it's a royal pain Sire, but could you be more specific? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1935 Hmmm. It says, "have it your way". 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1936 I have the tests results, the problem’s your family jewels. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1937 Our pain scale does not include "Royal." 1.3226 0.04932 124 89 30 5
1938 Unfortunately, Sire, according to these charts, it’s not good to be King. 1.3226 0.05316 124 92 24 8
1939 No, the 'royal treatment' is colonoscopy. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1940 I have some bad news. It looks like you're not covered." 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1941 You are royally screwed! 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1942 I'm afraid you've been diagnosed with Trumpitis, and there's no known cure. 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1943 King Midas, perhaps you should, umm, 'self-pleasure' a bit less frequently? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1944 The tests confirmed what I suspected : you have feet of clay. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1945 I'll test it again, but you have red blood. 1.3217 0.06120 115 90 13 12
1946 No, no, your majesty, I said you were HAVING a royal pain in the ass. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1947 How heavy lies the crown? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1948 You're a white male. You'll be fine. 1.3217 0.05865 115 88 17 10
1949 Yes, wearing the crown is causing your scoliosis. 1.3217 0.05994 115 89 15 11
1950 Merry old soul or not, you still need a statin prescription. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1951 I’m afraid this is an inherited condition. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1952 The fiddlers three can stay, the rest has got to go. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1953 The good news is we have a diagnoses; you have a giant hemorrhoid. The bad news is it’s going to be a royal pain in the ass to remove. 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1954 If I run a high fever, do you call that a Royal Flush? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1955 Good news. It’s just a royal pain in the neck. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1956 Your MRI shows your arteries appear to be clogged with gold. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1957 Not colony, colonoscopy 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1958 Your right is divine, but your left is lousy. 1.3203 0.05195 128 95 25 8
1959 I usually prescribe witch hazel pads for that, but if it's a royal pain, you may need a medicated cream. 1.3203 0.04826 128 92 31 5
1960 Gown open to the back please. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1961 I'm afraid this diagnosis is not 'Fake News' 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1962 Throwing me to the lions isn't going cure your VD... 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1963 And you’re wearing your new clothes under that?” Jacqueline Moran, Canada 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1964 I assume you'll be able to pay for this? 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1965 Your blood "line" might say you are the one true ruler of all the kingdoms in the land but your blood "work" says you have hypertension. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1966 Did you just say "My kingdom for Medicare"? 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1967 Basically, you have to stop eating like a king 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1968 No......I don't jest you..... 1.3200 0.05518 125 95 20 10
1969 Unfortunately, there's no antidote for blue blood. 1.3200 0.04628 125 88 34 3
1970 More cardio - I’m recommending a Standing Throne. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1971 Insurance is a system where someone helps you cover your medical bills. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1972 There's been great strides in medicine. Bring that Humpty Dumpty in and let's see what we can do. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1973 I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the tumor you have is a very slow-growing one. The bad news is that it's already 500 years old. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1974 I’m so sorry, your blood tested positive for plebeian. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1975 Judging from these results, you’re spending far too much time on the throne. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1976 Sure, I can give you a note for work. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1977 I have good news or bad news. What does your sire wish to hear? 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1978 No more pipes and no more bowls, and cut the fiddlers down to two a day. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1979 Carpal Tunnel comes from constant, repetitious hand movement such as texting. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1980 The good news is you'l live to rule another day! 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1981 Sorry. Your blood is not yet blue. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1982 It looks like your patella has abdicated the knee joint. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1983 Actually, it opens in the back. 1.3200 0.04765 125 89 32 4
1984 Does four-and-twenty blackbirds mean anything to you? 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1985 I'm afraid Medicaid won't pay for this. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1986 Considering your general appearance, I’d wager it’s a royal flush. 1.3200 0.04765 125 89 32 4
1987 Your Majesty, You're totally Exonerated. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1988 Rumour has it that you are a royal pain in the ass. These medical tests confirm the diagnosis. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1989 Didn’t they tell you robe open in the back? 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1990 I don't think your despotism is getting any better but I think I can get you a favorable position with a hamburger chain I'm invested in if you can smile big and hold it. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1991 have you heard the expression 'you're royally screwed' 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1992 No, 'royal pain' is just an expression. Actually you have colo-rectal cancer. 1.3200 0.05518 125 95 20 10
1993 I suggest you do not reveal your DNA test result. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1994 Sorry to keep you waiting so long. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1995 Your touch may be golden but mine indicates a prostate problem. 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
1996 I'm afraid that all this looking down on people has done a number on your neck. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1997 I’m afraid you might have a king-size problem. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1998 too much royal jelly has given you a sore throne 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1999 Maybe it's not so good to be the king. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2000 Your royal heiny is suffering from too much time on the throne 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
2001 You'll be pleased to know that as your treating physician, I do see your new clothes. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2002 You have a royal pain in your what? 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
2003 Are we clear now that the scepter is only for ceremonial use? 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
2004 Perhaps if you changed your diet you wouldn’t have to spend so much time on the throne. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2005 I don't want to lose my head over this but.... 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
2006 And you say you had something similar in the 10th century? 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2007 The crown jewels appear to be in good order 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
2008 I’ve got good news, and more good news. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
2009 I think you misheard 'Colony' with 'Colonoscopy'. 1.3188 0.04931 138 102 28 8
2010 Looks like you’ve had it your way too often with your whopper. 1.3188 0.05141 138 104 24 10
2011 No, I can assure you that it was red. 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
2012 It's from too much time on the throne—I'll give you some ointment. 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
2013 I'm afraid your horses and men were correct sire..... Humptey didn't make it..." 1.3178 0.06027 107 82 16 9
2014 Kale. 1.3175 0.05480 126 96 20 10
2015 Is there any history of Affluenza in your family? 1.3175 0.04734 126 90 32 4
2016 The good news is we know why your head lies uneasy. 1.3175 0.04995 126 92 28 6
2017 Yeah, that's not how sex works. 1.3175 0.05707 126 98 16 12
2018 Sorry, but if you had Obamacare, it would be covered. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
2019 We were pleased to upgrade you from the Presidential Gown to the Royal Robe; unfortunately, the proctology report is still not good. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
2020 What you have is indeed a royal pain...! 1.3172 0.04864 145 108 28 9
2021 Strangest thing. Says here you've got blue blood. 1.3172 0.05057 145 110 24 11
2022 I'm sorry your majesty, we're going to have to amputate your head. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2023 I am sorry to report you have lost the Midas touch. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2024 Your cholesterol is a little rich. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2025 Your regal rectum is royally screwed 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2026 First, I need to collect your co-pay. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2027 It's nothing serious, but I advise you not to eat any more of those 24 blackbird pies. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2028 It appears to be a hereditary condition" 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
2029 Your medical family history seems to indicate that your parents were related.... 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2030 Looks good from here but you’ll need a dentist to check that crown..... 1.3171 0.04663 123 87 33 3
2031 Your LDL score is a Whopper... 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2032 You're fit to be King. 1.3171 0.05693 123 95 17 11
2033 Bad news I’m afraid. Your reign is over. 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
2034 You might want to consider taking it easy on the mead. 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
2035 Your old soul has a severe deficiency of merriness. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2036 Is it possible that your mother and father were sister and brother? 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2037 If you tell me who gets the Iron Throne, I'll tell you your cholesterol levels. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2038 I'm sorry, but your job's health insurance doesn't cover this 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2039 I’m sorry sir, this disease doesn’t exist anymore” 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2040 I admire your ability to get into character! You have both gout and the plague. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2041 Best set of labs I have ever seen. All the results are positive. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2042 Take two hamlets and call me in the morning. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2043 You need to cut down on Feudalism. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2044 Your digestive system will never obey you, you must obey it. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2045 Well, judging from the x-rays, that crown needs replacing. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2046 All I can say is, it’s the last season of Game of Thrones and we’re all depressed. 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
2047 You're really going to have cut down on the blackbirds. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2048 I'm afraid it's not always good to be king. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2049 I'm afraid I need to look up your royal chamber. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2050 Four-and-twenty blackbirds is too many at one sitting. 1.3171 0.04663 123 87 33 3
2051 Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's coming up spades. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2052 Among ourselves we proctologists refer to your condition as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2053 Divine privilege goes only so far. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2054 One pill will clear “your little majesty” right up. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2055 Your chart says that you're fit for a king. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2056 I'm afraid your merry old soul needs more work, King Cole. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2057 So just how good is the royal insurance? 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2058 Unfortunately, your majesty, the insurance company considers royal pains to be a pre-existing condition. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2059 Do you want the royal news or the dungeon ones first? 1.3171 0.05575 123 94 19 10
2060 we're missing your XVth & XVIIth cent. family records. 1.3171 0.05575 123 94 19 10
2061 "The Emperor has no clothes" story is still a distress but at some point of the examination Your Majesty will have to stand naked. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2062 Frankly, I think the diagnosis of " royal pain in the ass" matches your symptoms. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2063 You have a royally enlarged prostate. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2064 In fact, your Highness, since Congress dismantled the Affordable Care Act, you are my sole remaining patient. 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
2065 Physically you're fine. The paranoia can probably be attributed to you age - everyone is pretty fed up with you by now. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2066 Your oldest son says tough noogies. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2067 You're pregnant. 1.3171 0.05809 123 96 15 12
2068 You'll receive more favorable insurance coverage with a diagnosis of hemorrhoids rather than a royal pain in the ass. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2069 Your soul seems to be older than we thought. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2070 Most guys schedule it during the jousting championships. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2071 Don't worry, it happens to all the king's men. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2072 I'm sorry, but you'll have to wear one of our robes. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2073 I'm afraid an executive order won't fix it. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2074 No, even for you Medicare will not cover a hearing test! 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2075 It’s a royal pain in the ass alright. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2076 Well doctor , ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a QUEEN ... 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
2077 Our entire staff agrees that "posterior discomfort" is your primary condition. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
2078 Do you want the truth? 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
2079 Are you experiencing any delusions? 1.3158 0.05886 114 88 16 10
2080 I didn't realize we had hospital gowns like that. 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
2081 I always wanted to have the gout, its such a regal disease. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
2082 Don't worry, you'll get rid of the headache very soon! I'll prescribe a revolution. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
2083 I'm going to prescribe a jester. 1.3158 0.04876 114 81 30 3
2084 I meant "Any MEDICAL hereditary concerns?" 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
2085 Your Majesty has contracted a Maje-s-t-d 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
2086 I think it's safe to say, it was Cinderella. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
2087 Does it open in the back? 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2088 Stop touching it if it keeps turning to gold, Midas. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2089 ‘I’m afraid that’s checkmate 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2090 Looks like you’re going to need the royal treatment. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2091 Your tests show no reason for insomnia. I suggest you stop calling for your pipe in the middle of the night and tell your fiddlers three to get another room. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2092 Great news, your Highness! You’re in excellent overall health. You have normal blood pressure, a low PSA, you’re a svelte 239 pounds, and you have no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever. Best of all, you now have me as your next cabinet minister! 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2093 Sir, this says you’ve eaten a Whopper every meal for fifty years. 1.3145 0.05293 124 93 23 8
2094 I’m concerned you’re spending too much time on the throne 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2095 I'm a little worried about the blue blood. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2096 Yes, I agree. They really can be a royal pain in the ass. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2097 Yes, but there’s still a co-payment. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2098 The test results came back positive for delusions of grandeur 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2099 Next time, check the throne before sitting down. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2100 Don't be sad,cancer is the king of maladies. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2101 You have a very high blue blood count. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2102 Now, about this "royal pain in the ass" you're mentioning... 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
2103 Everything else looks good. Now show me that royal pain. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2104 The royal wee sample is clear. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2105 Any increase in the time you spend sitting on the throne? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2106 Yes, these results are astounding, but you'll have to contact the folks at 23andMe with any questions. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2107 Do you want to hear the real news or the fake news? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2108 And while your sudden preoccupation concerns me, I can confirm your new clothes are visible on every scan." 1.3140 0.04699 121 86 32 3
2109 Sure, if the magic key shows up during your prostate exam, I will hand it right over to you. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2110 Your blood work is normal, including color. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2111 Your merry old soul needs to stop calling for your pipe. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2112 The fact that you're a "jolly old soul" is entirely beside the point. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2113 No, your scepter elbow doesn't worry me as much as this family history of frequent beheadings. 1.3140 0.04550 121 85 34 2
2114 You know, because of your new dental tax the cost of your crowns has gone up. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2115 Suit yourself, but normally we provide the robe. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2116 The fiddlers three can stay--but the pipe and bowl have to go. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2117 Looks like you're allergic to peasants . 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2118 I understand that it’s a royal pain but yes, treatment does require your Majesty to turn around and bend over like a commoner. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2119 You're in surprisingly good shape, considering you're the "Burger King!" 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2120 You'll need to come in for some royal blood tests. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2121 I'm sorry Mr. Trump but your still not a king 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2122 You're going to need more than a Midas Touch to pay for this. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2123 Your blood isn't actually blue... 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2124 No, it’s your edict. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2125 I know you’re the king but I still need a copay. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2126 Looks like it's time for your annual Royal Flush 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2127 I’d say you’re golden, Midas. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2128 Apart from a royal flush and a receding heir line, you are in excellent shape, your Majesty 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2129 You need to stop playing with the crown jewels while sitting on the throne. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2130 This says you've written your own glowing medical report and you have tested positive for everything. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2131 Sorry, your Majesty, not having a heart is a pre-existing condition, and your health insurance won’t cover that. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2132 You’re going to need a new crown. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2133 You're telling me your scepter is stuck WHERE? 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2134 At least you haven't lost your head. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2135 For the last time, if the four-and-twenty blackbirds begin to sing, the pie's giving you food poisoning 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2136 You say it’s a royal pain in the ass. I say it’s a boil. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2137 No I don't think an "Executive Order" will circumvent your need for a prostate exam. 1.3140 0.05754 121 94 16 11
2138 It’s your cholesterol numbers...Your Highness. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2139 Your test results confirm that you must lay off the pipe, quit the bowl and cut back from three fiddlers to just one. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2140 So ... I don't suppose you know how Game of Thrones ends? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2141 That's not what 'long live the king' actually means. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2142 Do you want your real evaluation or the one you paid me for? 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2143 Too many burgers, king. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2144 I might be able to help, but don't touch me. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2145 A Whopper a day is not the same as an apple a day! 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2146 Are you 'the' single-payer? 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2147 When you say “impotence”, are you referring to your political influence? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2148 Let me put this in terms you will understand: your scepter is broken. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2149 Well Richard, it's not good. You literally have the heart of a lion. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2150 ...and apply it to Your Majesty's affected area twice daily until the pain is less royal. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2151 We can call it a throne if that makes you more comfortable. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2152 It turns out you're allergic to ermine! 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2153 And how many times a day would you say you “sit on the throne.” 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2154 Not so good to be the King today! 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2155 The tests indicate that you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2156 Yes, you could say hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2157 I'm afraid the regulations are clear: you do not qualify for continued health insurance coverage if you lose your job because of a revolution. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2158 Okay, have it your way. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2159 A royal flush, Your Majesty? How long ago was that 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2160 I’m afraid it’s severe heirloss 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2161 Well, it's not psychosis.. but we're still waiting on the fashion consult. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2162 You can continue the fiddlers three, but you're going to have to quit the pipe and cut back on the bowl. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2163 So, sire. Which report do you want me to release to your subjects? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2164 No, your majesty, your personal health problems don't improve just because you are "a single-payer healthcare system." 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2165 It's the royal wheeze. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2166 Nothing you touch turns to gold, and you have gout. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2167 I see here that your family history is unremarkable. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2168 Your tests came back. Unfortunately, it looks like checkmate. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2169 Blood pressure is good, but your tyranny levels are concerning 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2170 The DNA is conclusive: Trump is not your son! 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2171 Your hernia is a real whopper 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2172 So, you would describe it as a royal pain? 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2173 Based on these results you may want to start planning that State funeral 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2174 So, King George, let's start with the abandonment issues. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2175 I see you brought your own robe...now if we could just put the opening to the back... 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2176 "Apparently it is time for you to cut back on that 'Merry Old Soul' stuff." 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2177 You might want to cut back to one fiddler and no pipe. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2178 You say you're feeling this "royal pain" where, exactly? 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2179 If I tell you your diagnosis, you won't have me sent to the gallows right? 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2180 So then it IS a royal pain. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2181 I'm afraid we're going to have to get the family jewels re-appraised. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2182 It's the blood pressure. I'm concerned about your highness. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2183 There must be some mistake. This order isn't for a regal exam. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2184 Indeed Prince Charles, isn't she an amazing woman your Mother, still going strong. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2185 So just how long have you had this pain in your royal ass? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2186 The nurse was supposed to tell you that it opens in the back. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2187 THE GOOD NEWS ARE: YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH GOD TOMORROW AT 5.00 PM IN HIS OFFICE. 1.3140 0.05754 121 94 16 11
2188 The results of your colonoscopy explain why you're such a royal pain in the ass. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2189 Turning you back into a frog might solve the problem, but you still wouldn't live that long. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2190 It says here you are suffering from a royal pain in the butt? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2191 Your hubris count is a little high, cognitive skills so-so. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2192 I am afraid it is checkmate. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2193 Just how many pipes and bowls are we talking about, Mr. Cole? 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2194 You need to take some time off. Your blood pressure is off the charts with this Dumpty business. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2195 Let's just say that I wouldn't put stock into that whole "long live the king" mantra... 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2196 I am sorry, your Majesty, you have Crown's disease. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2197 So I think you have a narcissistic personality discorder. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2198 Bloodletting is out of network. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2199 Where is the Royal Pain? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2200 Looks like you need to spend less time on the throne. You’ve got hemorrhoids. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2201 I think you may be allergic to mink. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2202 Normal patient garments aren’t nearly this posh. You must have great insurance. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2203 I said to leave it open in the back. 1.3136 0.05205 118 87 25 6
2204 No, I think it is just hemorrhoids. 1.3136 0.05607 118 90 19 9
2205 When did you start feeling heavy-headed? 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
2206 The good news is you can pay in gold. 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
2207 Your soul is 5% less merry than last checkup...we're going to bump your daily dosage up to four fiddlers. 1.3115 0.05592 122 94 18 10
2208 Your Royal Highness, you’ll have to take it up with the insurance company. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2209 Your stamina is amazing for a middle ages man." 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
2210 And you say that you haven’t felt well since Cordelia died? 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
2211 There's been some really exciting advances with the guillotine. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2212 Which of your three daughters is in charge of your care? 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2213 Do you still feel hot and have a headache most of the time? 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2214 Great results, you can look forward to another year of being a jolly old soul! 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2215 Listen, I'll stop by your showroom, but I'm pretty happy with my mattress. 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
2216 I'm afraid you have a problem with your scepter. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
2217 The tests confirm that you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2218 Mrs. Midas should also come in to get tested. 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
2219 You’re remarkably merry for your age. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2220 And these heavy head symptoms have persisted ever since your promotion? 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2221 Your Highness, I need to check your Highnie. 1.3109 0.05816 119 93 15 11
2222 You say your head lies uneasy?" 1.3109 0.04884 119 86 29 4
2223 Relax! I told the scribes that you’re the healthiest king to ever hold the throne. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2224 Your yearly physical shows that you aren't officially obese. You will, however, have to wear shoes with 3 inch soles and a much longer robe . 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2225 Unfortunately, the results show that your blood is red. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2226 And this "royal" pain is where, exactly? 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2227 Says here you want the royal treatment. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2228 I know you were hoping for a royal disease like gout, but I'm afraid you have simple arthritis. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2229 I'd like to put you in a research group, but you'll have to lose the crown and your wife's coat. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2230 I see you have Coronary Artery Disease... 1.3109 0.05028 119 87 27 5
2231 I really don’t think killing the entire working class will cure your hemophilia. But I guess you’re right, it can’t hurt to try. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2232 There's no easy way to say this: you must cut down on burgers. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2233 No, I don't think a royal decree will help. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2234 The fiddlers are fine but you need to cut down on the pipes and the bowls. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2235 You should make more use of the royal Wii. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2236 4 and 20 blackbirds, huh? That cannabis scrip is certainly working. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2237 Unfortunately, it might be have to be Salad King from now on... 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2238 Problems with the family jewels?" 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2239 I checked your dental inssurance. It does't cover crowms. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2240 I know you are, but you still need a prostate exam. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2241 Let me get this straight. My medical evaluation should read “The Queen is a detriment to the health of the sovereign and must be removed.” and I get to keep my life”-Done 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2242 It’s what we suspected. You have no spine. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2243 Pain when sitting on the throne? I think I understand why they sent you to a proctologist. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2244 Job or no job, I’m putting you on a Whopper free diet. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2245 If you look at this closely you will see that the Divine Right of Doctors takes precedence over the Divine Right of Kings. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2246 On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your delusions of grandeur? 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2247 We wanted your robe opening to the back, your highness. 1.3109 0.05028 119 87 27 5
2248 I’m sorry King Midas, but given your condition, an MRI is not an option. 1.3109 0.04884 119 86 29 4
2249 A prescription for Viagra and getting royally screwed are not necessarily part of the same scenario, King. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2250 First of all--you are not a king! 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2251 Apologies your majesty, I can't explain your royal pain. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2252 Well King Midas, the good news is once you pass this stone the current price of gold will make it worth over $50,000. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2253 Here, you're expected to wait just like everybody else. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2254 You are due for a royal flush. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2255 These haemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass! 1.3106 0.04825 132 97 29 6
2256 It won't be conclusive, until you to turn a few more of my things into gold. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2257 Your Majesty, when was the last time you took a Royal Flush? 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2258 It’s actually meant to be literal. Stop wearing your crown to bed and your head will rest just fine. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2259 You're old, King Cole. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2260 Perhaps Your Highness might consider an alternative explanation for the headache. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2261 Well... turns out you’re fit for a king. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
2262 Sorry King! A Merry old soul does not translate to having a healthy heart. 1.3097 0.05633 113 86 19 8
2263 The gown opening is supposed to go in the back. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2264 I'm afraid the body politic is rejecting you. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
2265 You certainly have one majestic prostate 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2266 I think you are suffering from delusions of grandeur 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2267 Is anyone in your family allergic to ermine? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2268 The good news is that there is a cure. The bad news is that it costs a king's ransom. 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2269 Sorry, it appears you put the robe on backwards. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2270 24 Blackbirds! Did you remove the feathers? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2271 No more pipe. No more bowl. Trust me; you’ll be a happier soul. 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2272 Extended time on throne appears to have left you with what could only be described as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2273 Your results clearly show that you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2274 On a scale of 1 to royal, how much pain are you in? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2275 Your blood sugar is a little high...I suggest increasing your pillaging to 30 minutes per day. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2276 It seems we're dealing with a Royal pain in the butt! 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2277 I see here that you recently had a royal flush 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2278 Shall we disrobe? 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2279 Scrofula 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2280 If you want my help, you're going to have to be a little more forthcoming with your family history. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2281 I'm afraid your corruption is terminal. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2282 As I said before your highness, there currently is no cure for heheading…I am sorry for the loss of your wives... 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2283 So your not feeling your merry ol’ Soul? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2284 The people are saying you don't have a heart, and I've found nothing to contradict them. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2285 Well, this is not going to make you a merrie olde soul." 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
2286 Sir, you’ve put the gown on backwards 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2287 Into everyone’s life a little reign must fall. 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
2288 Hypoglycemia can't be fixed by eating more cookies, Santa. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2289 The king has no repose. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2290 I regret to inform you King Kandy that you have type two diabetes. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2291 When you get to the hospital, you'll have to wear the robe backwards. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
2292 Hello Mr. Wenceslas, should I call you Good or Good King? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2293 We've ruled out hemorrhoids. It appears to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2294 Looks like your highness is in cholesterol. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2295 So, it's a royal pain in your ass? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2296 The test results confirm it. You're a merry old soul. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2297 Your taxes are high. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2298 Well, yes, we can call your hemorrhoids a Royal Pain in the Ass if you insist. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2299 The prostrate exam requires that you don your robe with the opening in the back. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2300 The tests conclude that you ARE a pain in the ass! 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2301 This diet has less fiber, so less time on "The Throne. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2302 Your medicines are out of date. The pharmacy no longer offers wormwood, arsenic or mint. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2303 I agree, majesty, your hemorrhoids are a royal pain. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2304 Turn around. Time to check the Hall of the Mountain King. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2305 We'll have to amputate it, but it's resale value should cover and medical costs 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2306 I'm afraid the HMO won't accept "my kingdom" as payment. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2307 I'm sorry sir, but taking Viagra won't cause you to have sons. I like your Halloween costume by the way. 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
2308 Your robe should open in the back. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2309 I'm sorry, but where we ask here for 'blood type' on your medical intake form, 'Royal' is not among the options. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2310 Most men your age spend more time on the throne. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2311 Were you born with this condition? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2312 Your previous dentist had a different idea about installing crowns 1.3097 0.05633 113 86 19 8
2313 Every time I get out the glove, it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2314 Amazing - not only are you the healthiest king in the history of the world, but you grew five inches last year too! 1.3089 0.05431 123 94 20 9
2315 Looks like "royal pain". 1.3089 0.05307 123 93 22 8
2316 Your lab results are back. Can you be merry with just your bowl and two fiddlers? 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
2317 According to your chart you've been eating too much cake. 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
2318 I'm afraid it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.3083 0.05650 120 93 17 10
2319 This is too rich even for your blood. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2320 Looks like you beat that kidney stone with a royal flush. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
2321 You say you worry about a receding heir line? 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2322 A laxative should improve the Royal Flush considerably. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2323 I afraid it's time to cut back on those burgers. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2324 As your proctologist I can say you are sitting pretty. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2325 Well, your heart is fine, but I'm concerned about the Royal Jewels. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2326 Yes it's conclusive, You are a Royal Pain in the Ass... 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
2327 You have a big problem and it’s a Whopper! 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2328 It looks like we're going to have to take the whopper off the menu for a while. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2329 So my nurse's notes here say it was large, purple, and what's this? Required a royal flush? 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
2330 No, I wasn’t referring to your throne when I said your stool is soft. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2331 Based on these test results you might need to become the Tofu King. 1.3077 0.05355 117 88 22 7
2332 Looks like it's genetic 1.3077 0.05073 117 86 26 5
2333 I'm afraid we'll have to remove your head. 1.3077 0.05624 117 90 18 9
2334 The lab says your Crown Jewels are only rhinestones. 1.3077 0.05491 117 89 20 8
2335 And you claim the sprain is from spinning a mattress sign? 1.3077 0.05355 117 88 22 7
2336 As long as you keep the coat on you’ll be fine. 1.3077 0.05624 117 90 18 9
2337 Now that you're 50, let's just say you'll be spending the weekend on another kind of throne. 1.3077 0.05073 117 86 26 5
2338 I'm afraid in your case a colonoscopy is the royal treatment. 1.3077 0.05216 117 87 24 6
2339 I'm sorry, your blood tests were negative for blue blood. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
2340 The crown might have something to do with the frequent migraines. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
2341 I’m not sure we should go with bone spurs again. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2342 It says here regal hemorrhoids but our admissions staff used a different phrase. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2343 I recommend more fiber in your diet so you can go back to having a royal flush. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
2344 Can you describe the pain, other than royal? 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2345 Sciatica is a royal pain in the butt. Ice it and get a donut for the throne. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2346 Good overall, but you'll need to see a dentist about the crown. 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
2347 So lets discuss the royal pain part. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
2348 Testicles, said the Queen, if I had them, I would be King. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2349 It appears you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3070 0.04846 114 82 29 3
2350 If you want to live through the weekend, now you're the salmon burger king. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
2351 Not so good to be the king, eh? 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
2352 Well, I guess we could call this a royal pain in the ass. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
2353 You got it all wrong. It's QUEEN for a day! 1.3070 0.05004 114 83 27 4
2354 Well, first I'd like for all your horses and all your men to get a look at this report. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2355 At least you didn't have to wait as long as Prince Charles. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2356 Even if you are lion-hearted, I'd cut back on the red meat. 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
2357 Would it be safe to say that your diet is primarily burgers and fries? 1.3070 0.05004 114 83 27 4
2358 you've heard the expression fit to be king? 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2359 Yes, your tests came back bigly, with only positive results. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
2360 Having a "merry old soul" is just about to payoff. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2361 Another royal pain in the ass? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2362 The test results show that you've lost your Midas touch. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2363 It's fine to keep up with the fiddlers three, but you are going to have to give up the pipe and the bowl I'm afraid. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2364 No such thing as ‘Executive Privilege’ in this place. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2365 All the King's horses and all the Kings men are busy helping some Dumpty guy.. looks like you're on your own here. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2366 I'm not sure how you want to handle this; it says your insurance covers all your men but your horses are out of network. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2367 Unfortunately, it's a royal pain in the neck. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2368 If you wish to remain a merry old soul you'll have to stop calling for your pipe and reduce the amount in your bowl. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2369 Head weight induced neck pain. Comes with the territory. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2370 I'll say it again. Sir, I do not move diagonally. I'm your physician, not your bishop. ... Tell me you haven't been playing with my rubber gloves. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2371 You have delusions of grandeur. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2372 It’s a royal pain in the ass, your majesty. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2373 Is it a Royal pain? 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2374 Someone should’ve told you that the pie filled with four and twenty blackbirds was for presentation only. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2375 Do you want your test results here or should they be announced from the palace balcony? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2376 I'm afraid Targaryen isn't an actual blood type. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2377 It's the ermine, I'm afraid. You're allergic. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2378 I'm afraid you're about to become the King of Spades. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2379 Yes, you have to quit the pipe AND the bowl. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2380 I'm sorry but we can not accept your government funded health insurance plan. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2381 Yes, in common parlance, it is called the Midas Touch. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2382 It says here you were once a merry old soul. 1.3051 0.04740 118 85 30 3
2383 Royal pain in the ass again, eh? 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2384 Relax, sire. It's just a royal flush. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2385 ...the good news is that I can cure you of this affluence. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2386 Look's like we're good until 2020. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2387 Uknighted Healthcare is your insurance, correct? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2388 Your results are back, your majesty. The doctors have taken note of your unusually blue blood... 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2389 Here in the U.S interns don’t fix the crowns. I’ll get the dentist. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2390 I hate to tell you this, but you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2391 I'm afraid you're allergic to ermine... 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2392 Lord Feather-Bottom, I assure you, your clothes are visible to everyone. I think it’s time to see a psychiatrist. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2393 The lab tests confirmed my initial diagnosis: You're a merry old soul. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2394 I see your health care insurer does not include blood letting as a treatment option. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2395 Last year's note says you were homeless but resourceful. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2396 You have a case of “cervicalgia rex”—also known as a royal pain in the neck. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2397 Nothing here. You'll sleep much better if you take your crown off. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2398 Sorry, we don't accept "A Lannister always pays his debts" as proof of insurance. 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
2399 I think you should fill in this part of the form that states your oldest child’s hat size....soon! 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2400 Bad news: Your insurance doesn’t cover “verruca vulgaris” 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2401 Could you disrobe? 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2402 This isn't what I meant when I said, "Put on a robe." 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2403 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but you'll have to sign onto the portal like everyone else to see the test results. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2404 I'm sorry -- we're out of network. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2405 You need to stop eating like a King 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2406 Bad news your Majesty, the Queen is pregnant. 1.3051 0.05710 118 92 16 10
2407 Yes, urology can be a Royal pain in the ass.....! 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2408 Your chances of remaining a merry old soul would improve if you laid off the pipe and went easy on the bowl. 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
2409 Did You say Crohn's disease or Throne's Disease 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2410 To sum it up, you are a royal mess. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2411 No, Your Majesty, I won't be using an ermine glove today. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2412 Persistent illusions of grandeur ... it’s a debilitating condition, I’m afraid. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2413 The good news, President Trump, is that you only weigh 239 pounds. 1.3051 0.05710 118 92 16 10
2414 All of your horses and all of your men will never make you healthy again. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2415 The Royal Jewels are fine. The issue with the sceptre can be addressed with a prescription and a little extra effort from the Queen. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2416 It's bad, but I can say you are the most healthy king in history. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2417 Your results came back. The body natural is fine! The body politic...however... 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2418 Medicare for all means all. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2419 I'll have to record your real weight, not 239 pounds. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2420 Your kingdom for a cure. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2421 Sorry,you can't 'have it your way' with a pre-existing condition. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2422 And for your insurance provider you’ve just written ‘divine right to vitality’... 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2423 Midas... you can't keep doing this every time you run out of Viagra. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2424 Your robe is on backwards. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2425 No, I will not be bowing down prostate before you. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2426 Still bringing your own hospital gowns I see. 1.3043 0.04811 115 83 29 3
2427 Unfortunately, your horses and men are not in network. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2428 Just repeating "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown" over and over again isn't really helping me with your symptoms. 1.3043 0.04811 115 83 29 3
2429 I'm sorry. We have no record of King Trump. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2430 Now on, I'm afraid , you won't be giving the royal shaft to anyone. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2431 Your jewels are in remarkable shape for a monarch of your age. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2432 We ran out of the paper robes. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2433 Sorry, Your Majesty, but there is no known cure for a royal pain in the butt. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2434 Feeling low, your Highness? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2435 Don’t worry. A few beheadings, some leeches, and you’ll be back on the throne in no time. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2436 Have you heard the saying "The king is dead, long live the king"? 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2437 Again, your coat should be open on the back side. 1.3043 0.04669 138 102 30 6
2438 …and be sure to take the Hemlock with food. It should clear up in a fortnight. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2439 I thought we agreed to lay off the burgers. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2440 In light of your preference for saying 'Off with his head' your lab results show you're in the most perfect health of any king ever. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2441 Let me put this plainly, King to OR 2. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2442 It says here that if you have the Midas Touch, you have to be careful where you touch yourself ... 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2443 It's an affliction common to people of your stature -- it's called kleptocracy. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2444 You'll need new clothes. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2445 It's an expensive treatment, but it's cheaper than your kingdom and more important than a horse. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2446 It says here you're having frequent declarations. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2447 The labs all look good, Mr. Decker. I am concerned, however, that you believe you're the President. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2448 I'm sorry, but minimum co-pay is a king's ransom, no exceptions. 1.3043 0.05816 115 90 15 10
2449 The note from your previous doctor says you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3043 0.05816 115 90 15 10
2450 Speaking as your proctologist, it sounds like a royal pain in the ass. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2451 How many Lords a Leaping was that? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2452 No; a royal decree does not overrule my orders for you to eat healthy and exercise more. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2453 How would you describe this 'pain in the ass'? 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2454 My bill for today's appointment is a king's ransom. 1.3043 0.05816 115 90 15 10
2455 So you say you’re Santa and the King of Antarctica? Hmmmm...clearest case of Bipolar Disorder I’ve seen. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2456 I’d say, it’s time to call for your fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2457 And lay off the hey-nonny-nonnying with your fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2458 Fine about the fiddlers three, but you've got to quit calling for your pipe. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2459 I am sorry to say ,President Trump, that there is no pill, the only cure is a very long stay at Lockhimup Camp. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2460 I’m afraid a Royal Pardon for your bill is out of the question 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2461 The jester is in-network, but I’m out of network. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2462 I said prostate not prostrate. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2463 Getting the coat on is a good first step. For the follow up let’s try underwear 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2464 We” need to lose 30 pounds 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2465 I was referring to your Crown Jewels. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2466 You have a Royal pain in the ass. Very common. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2467 It doesn't look like there's a physical explanation for your inflated ego...Have you tried meditation? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2468 We’ll call it a disease of kings! 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2469 Yes, Humpty Dumpty was my patient, but your case is entirely different. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2470 Can you clarify what you mean by "family jewels?" 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2471 I'm glad you came in when you did. If you had waited another 600 years this could have been much more serious. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2472 I'm afraid the dragon is not your son. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2473 I DO know who you are. You're still going to have to reduce your salt intake. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2474 It appears all your horses and all your men are busy working on someone else at the moment. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2475 Well, by gosh, you're right! Royalty IS exempt from colonoscopies. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2476 This is going to cost you a king's ransom. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2477 I'm giving you a script for a pipe, a bowl and fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2478 Billing said sovereign coverage is not on our list of approved insurers. Cash or crown? 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2479 I recommend that you cut down on those four-and-twenty blackbird pies. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2480 Your results are back. It's not clear why you're having these delusions of grandeur. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2481 That was awkward, in a ‘reversal and recognition’ kind of way. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2482 You may be the King of burgers, but you need a quadruple bypass. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2483 Remember when you said that I was a royal pain in the ass? 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2484 No more pipe and bowl, but you can maintain your current level of fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2485 I’m afraid your family history indicates you’re at an elevated risk of regicide. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2486 Let’s talk about you having a coronary.. not a coronation. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2487 I will try to put this delicately. There is a kink in your royal plumbing. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2488 Let’s talk about family history. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2489 The good news is your blood work looks good. The bad news is there’s a guy downstairs with a horse who says a deal’s a deal. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2490 Your queen, my lord, has requested yet another enlargement of your royal prodigiousness.” 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2491 In conclusion, you've been diagnosed with high maintenance disorder. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2492 I doubt even you could afford this required procedure. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2493 Well, we've found that patients are more relaxed during their prostate exams when they feel in control. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2494 Let me put it this way: winter is coming. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2495 The royal treatment isn't covered under your plan. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2496 Well, it’s going to take most of your gold. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2497 Sorry, your highness, the blood is still red, not blue. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2498 We have checked it twice - there is no Royal DNA in your blood. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2499 Do you use the throne regularly? 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2500 You’re overweight for 50, but you’re fit for a king. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2501 I’ll skip the cheap jokes about a royal pain this time, Your Highness. You’ve got gout. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2502 Did you say royal pain? 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
2503 I’m afraid we need to decapitate. 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
2504 In this case it's not "good to be the king." 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
2505 No collusion, no coverup.... 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
2506 Your legacy looks good but I think it might be time to check your ego. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2507 You’ll need to consult an alchemist. 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
2508 Now I see what you mean by a 'royal pain in the ass.' 1.3009 0.05745 113 88 16 9
2509 Coverage has been denied for you and Humpty Dumpty. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2510 I believe that you are suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2511 Be that as it may, you're going to have to cut back on the hamburgers. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2512 Yes, well, sometimes it happens to royal scepters, too. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2513 For the exam, the robe opening must be in the back. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2514 I know the policy is you can bring your own robe but.... 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2515 Sorry, your HMO only covers gowns, not robes. 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2516 Tell me again, how long did you stay on the throne ? 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2517 The bad news: you have salmonella. The good news: Burger King would like you to represent them 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2518 And where do you feel these royal pains? 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2519 It says here that you have an obsession about winning at chess. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2520 Your crown jewels are enlarged. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2521 You're allergies include silk, ermine, fine wools and starchy cottons. Any thoughts on new clothes? 1.3009 0.05606 113 87 18 8
2522 If you weren't the king I'd ask for my thermometer back!" 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2523 It's just an old cold, King 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2524 I'm going to be Frank with you - it looks like a pretty bad case of Charle-mange. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2525 You said the tower got stuck where, now? 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2526 It’s about time for your Old King Colonoscopy 1.3009 0.05745 113 88 16 9
2527 The tests show you’re in checkmate. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2528 On a scale of one to ten, Mr. Cole, how merry an old soul are you feeling today? 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2529 Hmmm, the Kingdom Health Fund will not cover your procedure. 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2530 You think you’re in royal pain now - wait until you get the bill. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2531 You’ll need a dentist to replace that crown 1.3009 0.05606 113 87 18 8
2532 I'm afraid you may be suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2533 You are doing well today, Edward, but there is that upcoming torture to think about. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2534 It appears it was the four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie that caused the problem. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2535 Unexpected heir growth is actually quite common in your line of work 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2536 So, you're having problems sitting on the throne? 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2537 I'm covering for Merlin today, Your Majesty... 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2538 I recommend cutting back on the Whoppers. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2539 Technically, its hemorrhoids, but I suppose you're right; "Royal Pain in the Ass" would also be accurate. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2540 I think you need to ease up on the burgers Mr. King. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2541 My guess is you just ate a bad burger, king. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2542 It says here that you've been spending too much time on the throne lately. 1.3000 0.04926 110 80 27 3
2543 Just as I feared, your highness. You have contracted republicanism...and it’s terminal. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2544 I understand your family history is rather complicated. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2545 It's the crown jewels, I'm afraid, not the jeweled crown. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2546 Please tell the Queen that "a royal pain in the ass" is not a real medical condition 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2547 I'm sorry your highness. I can't write you a note to get you out of having your head chopped off by 'the dirty peasants. 1.3000 0.04926 110 80 27 3
2548 Your diagnosis is you'll only be reigning for 6 more months. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2549 It's a rare form of "Trumpism." 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2550 Yes, Your Majesty, but other than the Queen? 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2551 Your Royal pain will require a colonoscopy, Your Highness. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2552 I’m afraid your blue blood level is quite low, your Majesty. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2553 I'm sorry, Brad, the delusion is not responding to penicillin. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2554 I’m afraid the only treatment for your constipation would be a royal flush. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2555 So Your Majesty, you think this gold thing is a problem? 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2556 Well, your majesty, We need to lose weight, take Our blood pressure medicine and make sure We get plenty of rest. Do We understand? 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2557 Tentatively we're just calling it a royal flush. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2558 I'm afraid you may not be amenable to the necessary procedure to cure your "coronary problem." 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2559 Your cholesterol is down but your delusions of grandeur have escalated. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2560 As usual, you are in perfect health with the physique and virility of a man 20 years your junior. 1.3000 0.05104 120 90 24 6
2561 I'm sorry but your test results indicate that you're no longer "a merry old soul." 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2562 How long since your last royal flush? 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2563 You know your blood IS in fact red just like everyone else’s, and your have syphilis. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2564 So can you perhaps explain this? - it says here, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown".. ? 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2565 Well, Your Majesty, it looks like it's going to be "your kingdom for your life". 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2566 Respectfully, pleaae remove your crown and robe so I can examine Your Royal Hiney. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2567 It looks like you’re worrying about spending a lot of time on the other throne. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2568 The literature on “Royal Pain in the Ass” is unfortunately sparse. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2569 I see you gave my receptionist a royal decree forbidding all colonoscopies... 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2570 How much time did you say that you sit on the throne each day? 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2571 Now,you understand family jewels is just an expression? 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2572 You’re going to have to consider becoming the Salad King. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2573 Yes, you will have to do what we like to call the "Royal Flush" prior to your colonoscopy. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2574 Lay off the pipe and bowl, and I'll let you keep one fiddler. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2575 The bloodwork has come back. You have acute osteophyterediosis, commonly referred to as a Royal Pain." 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2576 Believe me, you’re not the first Burger King to grapple with high cholesterol. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2577 Before I describe your test results Your Grace, please seal this short release allowing me to keep my head. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2578 If you want to stay a merry old soul, stop calling for your pipe and calling for your bowl. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2579 Which Henry did you say you were? 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2580 I'm sorry sire, we don't recognize the sword of Damocles as an actual medical condition. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2581 ...but the good news is you can't be impeached. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2582 No, it says right here, this procedure isn't covered because I'm out of network. 1.3000 0.05855 110 86 15 9
2583 Remember, the greatest kings on earth still sit on where your problem is. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2584 The tests came back. You do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2585 I’m afraid you have a king-size tumor. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2586 The numbers look good...they're redacted but they look good. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2587 I don't know where I would even find any leeches. 1.3000 0.05239 120 91 22 7
2588 Unfortunately, it's checkmate. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2589 The better your insurance, the better your hospital gown. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2590 Your HMO denied the pre-authorization for three fiddlers. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2591 Sorry to tell you this sir, but you’re royally f***ed 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2592 We call it Game of Thrones Syndrome. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2593 I've never seen anything like it. Your gold levels are through the roof... 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2594 Would it be a ‘royal pain in the ass’ or a ‘’pain in the royal ass’? 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2595 For a 70 year old stripper, you're in great shape Mr. Lear. 1.3000 0.04926 110 80 27 3
2596 I think you need to lay off the Imperial Margarine”. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2597 It is a royal pain, indeed 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2598 I'd suggest laying off the Whoppers. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2599 You might want to get your crowns in order. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2600 As far as I can tell you're fit for a king. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2601 The good news is you'll be up and about just in time for the Game of Thrones finale. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2602 From these results, I'd say horse disagrees with you. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2603 Your Highness - I will now take a peek at that royal pain 1.2982 0.05700 114 89 16 9
2604 You know, I really do insist that my patients wear the gown. Oh, and bad news, you're dying. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2605 It's just as we suspected. You do, indeed, have a merry, old soul. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2606 Have you started thinking of an heir? 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2607 At least you should have no trouble covering hospital fees. 1.2973 0.04889 111 81 27 3
2608 I’m afraid we have discovered that your blood is, in fact, red. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2609 Gold, you say. 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
2610 Well, Your Highness, there are pains, and then there are royal pains... 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
2611 well, your souls merry but your liver is in bad shape. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2612 Looks like the pot is the reason for Your Highness 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
2613 It says here that your last doctor diagnosed you as overly groveling to your enemies. To me, it appears to be a bad case of gout in both knees. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2614 I'm referring you to a dentist--I don't remove old crowns. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2615 That chart is wrong. I'm not overweight. I am too short I can't change that. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2616 Yes, it is a "royal" illness, but not in a good way. 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
2617 Just a little blue pill, taken as needed, and you'll have an heir to the throne in no time. 1.2973 0.04719 111 80 29 2
2618 After extensive testing and of the tag kingsoutfitters.com,we are quite sure you actually wearing new clothes. 1.2973 0.05808 111 87 15 9
2619 Your rectal exam was normal, Your Majesty, but we should repeat it next year, even if it is a pain in the royal ass. 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
2620 You seem to be missing a heart, Mr. Trump 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2621 Actually, Gout is more common than many think. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2622 It burns when we pee. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2623 So, Mr. Cole, it says here that you are no longer a merry old soul. What seems to be the problem? 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2624 Sir, we've talked about this before. You are not the fittest king of all time, and I refuse to say that you are. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2625 Er, no, I haven't heard of the Royal Treatment, but I'm guessing that you'd have to be a royal pain to get it. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2626 I thought we agreed to let THEM eat cake 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2627 Well, the bowl and fiddlers three aren't a problem. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2628 You'll be needing an heir..... 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2629 I'm afraid you have the liver of a commoner. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2630 You need to cut back on the mead. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2631 OK, Your Majesty, Up with the robe and bend over. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2632 It looks like somebody's been a merry old soul! 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2633 I recommend less Blue Cross, more Blue Shield. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2634 Have you given any thought to a rightful heir? 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2635 According to the Special Counsel's report, you should really be on life support right now. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2636 I'm sorry to tell you that it’s not so good to be the king. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2637 If I tell you this is really, really serious, will you sign for the 25th Amendment? 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2638 There must be some mistake here. It says "The king is dead" 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2639 I'm sorry to say you're blood is normal. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2640 Take two viagra and call me in the morning. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2641 True, the people shout, “ long live the King” but that alone won’t lower your cholesterol. 1.2963 0.04790 108 78 28 2
2642 You’re going to have to stop eating meals fit for a king. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2643 Maybe you should see a psychologist instead 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2644 Well, it appears the knees aren't the first thing to go. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2645 Well, you have a royal pain. Just kidding, it's cancer. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2646 Sorry you Majesty but from now it's ixnay on the pipe, plus a lot less bowl. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2647 Cut back on the Whoppers. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2648 You have a sore throat and delusions of modesty 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2649 Yes - you were king for the day, but that day was last week. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
2650 Sorry Emperor, wearing your "new clothes" all winter has led to a case of pneumonia. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2651 Physically, you're fine. Mentally...well...... 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2652 It's a royal pain in the ass, your Highness. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2653 I"m thinking nobody has mentioned this to you , Your Majesty--you have bad breath." 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2654 I'm sorry sire, but we don't accept your current HMO. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2655 Yes, I suppose going to battle counts as a form of regular exercise. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2656 So, you're experiencing a royal pain in the ass?" 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2657 It’s just a commoner cold. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2658 Diagnosis: "You have a merry old soul". 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2659 Mr. King, all your troubles are behind you now, so please have your robe open from the back. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2660 Looks like your reign is bout over. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2661 I'm sorry, but you are full of BS, and we need to do a Royal Flush. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2662 It says in you chart that the queen has complained that you are no longer king sized" 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
2663 ...so you've tried leeching. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2664 Royal pain in the neck, you say? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2665 It's all those cheeseburgers . . . . 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2666 For the last time, I'm not your Subject. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81