Contest #660


Cartoon

660

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Worse than a cold. It's a common cold.”
  2. “On the bright side, I've got some good news for the Prince.”
  3. “The robe is supposed to open in the back.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2019-04-28T21:02:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-05-12T21:02:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-05-06T21:02:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued May 13, 2019
Number of captions 7154
Number of responses 1109788
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 I’m afraid we’ve found a problem with the Crown Jewels. 2.2048 0.00698 12083 2576 4457 5050
1 Worse than a cold. It's a common cold. 2.2039 0.00660 12670 2470 5147 5053
2 On the bright side, I've got some good news for the prince. 2.0894 0.00760 10878 2976 3954 3948
3 Under pre-existing conditions, why did you write 'Frog'? 2.0700 0.00812 9956 2944 3371 3641
4 Well lets just say Long live the King may be a bit on the optimistic side 2.0646 0.00806 8834 2265 3733 2836
5 Well, the good news is, it’s not just a pain in the ass; it’s a royal pain in the ass. 2.0415 0.00748 11169 3270 4165 3734
6 Experiencing any trouble on the throne? 2.0409 0.00745 10913 3091 4285 3537
7 Well, King Midas, you really shouldn’t have touched that area. 1.9883 0.00778 10643 3488 3791 3364
8 It’s not a king’s ransom, it’s your co-pay. 1.9759 0.00772 10367 3329 3959 3079
9 Yes, if you prefer, we can call them king crabs. 1.9352 0.01339 3768 1403 1206 1159
10 So you want to become a Queen? 1.9318 0.00916 7835 2860 2649 2326
11 This may be your kingdom but you’re out of our network 1.9185 0.00893 7683 2694 2921 2068
12 And come back if you have an insurrection that lasts longer than 4 hours. 1.9165 0.00975 6814 2513 2357 1944
13 The robe is supposed to open in the back. 1.8921 0.00851 8393 3055 3189 2149
14 You need to excersise. Try moving more than one square at a time. 1.8836 0.00874 7956 2933 3016 2007
15 It’s quite common among Middle Age men. 1.8709 0.01066 5204 1919 2038 1247
16 Have you ever experienced delusions of grandeur, Mr. Smith? 1.8619 0.01000 6244 2439 2228 1577
17 I said impotent not omnipotent. 1.8538 0.01002 6012 2319 2253 1440
18 No collusion but there may be an obstruction. 1.8529 0.01041 5927 2404 1991 1532
19 ... but first, what happened to the last doctor who ordered a colonoscopy? 1.8514 0.00951 6682 2587 2501 1594
20 You'll need to alert your past partners, including all the King's horses and all the King's men. 1.8406 0.01224 4297 1781 1420 1096
21 You've crossed off Anne as your emergency contact. 1.8393 0.01103 5166 2106 1784 1276
22 Well, the good news is we found your scepter. 1.8385 0.01310 3666 1497 1264 905
23 Is the royal pain in the usual place? 1.8071 0.01187 4200 1725 1560 915
24 Aside from beheadings, is there any other family history of surgery? 1.8070 0.01075 5068 2068 1910 1090
25 One of us has to tell the queen she also needs a penicillin shot. 1.8040 0.01038 5617 2359 2000 1258
26 Now we come to 'the Emperor has no clothes' part of the exam. 1.8006 0.01107 4844 2018 1774 1052
27 So you'd like a note stating you're the healthiest, most robust and powerful king that has ever reigned? 1.7968 0.01258 3992 1748 1307 937
28 Your blood work indicates that you are healthy and the court jester was your father. 1.7870 0.01094 4985 2131 1785 1069
29 If you prefer the Royal We... then We have the Clap. 1.7718 0.01301 3716 1689 1186 841
30 So, the drawbridge is stuck in the down-position? 1.7632 0.01170 4304 1898 1527 879
31 Ahhh, why yes, I have attended royal balls before. 1.7591 0.01167 4412 1984 1507 921
32 That’s OK. I’m not really a doctor. 1.7513 0.01233 3880 1746 1353 781
33 Is this your first winter of discontent?" 1.7502 0.01107 4508 1949 1736 823
34 Occupation? 1.7496 0.01085 4900 2179 1769 952
35 I say Long Live the King, but the test results don't. 1.7360 0.01876 1523 662 601 260
36 The good news is that your son will get that promotion he's always wanted. 1.7210 0.01781 1731 784 646 301
37 You're on the throne all day? 1.7199 0.01516 2410 1099 887 424
38 I understand, but on the form we can't list your blood type as "royal". 1.7019 0.01388 2835 1322 1036 477
39 Yes, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie will cause acid reflux. 1.6905 0.01485 2430 1143 896 391
40 The blood pressure is manageable, it’s the four centuries of inbreeding I’m more concerned about.” 1.6879 0.01447 2682 1302 915 465
41 This time, Donald, we're gonna go with a real dementia test. 1.6843 0.01948 1644 854 455 335
42 I'm afraid "Your Highness" is how I would describe your blood pressure. 1.6818 0.01986 1367 655 492 220
43 I noticed under "Blood Type", you put blue. 1.6798 0.03743 406 201 134 71
44 I guess you could call it 'a Royal Pain in the Ass', but medically we call them hemmoroids. 1.6746 0.01978 1426 705 480 241
45 On the plus side, because you turned my exam table, two nurses, and an MRI machine into gold, I'll waive your deductible. 1.6728 0.01582 2185 1072 756 357
46 The good news is your son won't be out of work much longer. 1.6614 0.01346 2832 1368 1055 409
47 I'm afraid all our attempts have been feudal. 1.6577 0.01882 1528 764 523 241
48 I assure you it is the largest in all the land. 1.6544 0.01902 1525 775 502 248
49 You appear to be fit for a king. 1.6542 0.02048 1281 642 440 199
50 Your reign in Spain is mainly on the wane. 1.6505 0.01886 1591 825 497 269
51 I'm sorry to say you have a deviated scepter. 1.6499 0.01298 3065 1515 1108 442
52 No, sovereign immunity is not an alternative to vaccinations. 1.6456 0.02453 951 500 288 163
53 The treatment worked perfectly and all tests came back negative. I see no reason you shouldn't live long enough to be murdered by your heirs. 1.6447 0.01902 1472 746 503 223
54 I'm afraid DNA doesn't lie, but I can't say the same for the queen mother. 1.6340 0.01712 1825 944 605 276
55 Three and twenty blackbirds is not exactly cutting back, now is it? 1.6312 0.01440 2462 1250 870 342
56 You've experienced a major coronation. 1.6298 0.01492 2496 1326 768 402
57 I'm going to need you to give me a sample of the royal wee 1.6254 0.01827 1639 870 513 256
58 I've got to be honest, you're not exactly fit for a king. 1.6218 0.01491 2245 1145 804 296
59 No, not piles of gold. 1.6144 0.01938 1429 765 450 214
60 Okay then, 6’4 and 237 pounds. 1.6137 0.01698 1921 1046 571 304
61 Of course it's hereditary." 1.6089 0.01703 1777 941 590 246
62 I'm afraid I'm going to have to inspect the "crown jewels" this visit. 1.6060 0.01761 1713 925 538 250
63 When you say you've been spending too much time on "the throne", let's clarify things. 1.6037 0.01717 1635 846 591 198
64 It is actually "rosacea," but if you insist, let's go with "royal flush." 1.6014 0.01761 1568 818 557 193
65 Well, the bad news is you definitely have delusions of grandeur. The good news is that you're not Donald Trump. 1.5957 0.02523 893 507 240 146
66 It's very rare, but you have a royal flush. 1.5955 0.02710 665 351 232 82
67 It’s hemorrhoids, your highness — in layman’s terms, a royal pain in the ass. 1.5938 0.01885 1413 758 471 184
68 I’m afraid it looks like checkmate. 1.5875 0.01973 1292 701 423 168
69 I'm not saying you have to stop being the Burger King, but maybe be the Salad King every other day. 1.5864 0.01894 1279 667 474 138
70 You seem fit, for a king. 1.5862 0.01964 1271 683 431 157
71 If we do a colonoscopy, you'll need a royal flush the night before. 1.5821 0.02064 1206 667 376 163
72 Typical insurance runaround. They'll cover the bloodletting, but not the leeches. 1.5811 0.02131 1122 619 354 149
73 Technically, you were elected President, not King. 1.5796 0.02204 1118 637 314 167
74 It says here it hurts when you abdicate? 1.5764 0.02208 1015 557 331 127
75 For your colonoscopy prep I suggest the royal flush. 1.5756 0.02191 1098 621 322 155
76 Yes, your Highness, you may refer to my finger as Excalibur if it makes you feel better. 1.5732 0.02239 1031 580 311 140
77 You'll need an IV, then a V and a VI. 1.5695 0.02319 978 558 283 137
78 Yup, hemmoroids are aggravated bt too much time on the throne. 1.5693 0.02323 1017 592 271 154
79 We tend to see these symptoms in Middle Age men. 1.5689 0.02372 856 470 285 101
80 Well, you should tell Merlin that he should get tested too. 1.5681 0.02339 977 563 273 141
81 Yes, I was surprised to find out that’s where you hide the keys to the kingdom. 1.5672 0.02303 982 560 287 135
82 No sign of Gout, Porphyria or Syphilis. Are you sure you're royalty? 1.5662 0.02304 959 542 291 126
83 Your Royal Highness with all due respect, I think we both know how the scepter really got there. 1.5623 0.02368 923 529 269 125
84 I am sorry, the U.S. already has someone who thinks he is the king. 1.5594 0.02533 867 516 217 134
85 No, I'm afraid you can't get a servant to have the colonoscopy for you. 1.5592 0.02461 819 463 254 102
86 Have you tried all of your horses and all of your men? 1.5591 0.02401 889 510 261 118
87 OK....so how long have you been feeling this sense of entitlement? 1.5582 0.02591 747 425 227 95
88 I'm sorry, it's checkmate. 1.5580 0.02536 758 426 241 91
89 Your Majesty must be apprised that the royal prostate has achieved imperial proportions. 1.5579 0.02379 846 472 276 98
90 We found the paper gowns were just demoralizing. 1.5571 0.02387 867 491 269 107
91 The surgery went very well, your majesty, but the entire country still knows you as the queen. 1.5550 0.02553 791 458 227 106
92 It appears your condition is hereditary 1.5519 0.02465 810 462 249 99
93 I'm afraid there's still no cure for the onset of democracy 1.5460 0.03773 359 210 102 47
94 With this particular gland, "king-sized" isn't what we are looking for, your grace. 1.5443 0.02597 733 424 219 90
95 The good news is that it's in a most congenial spot. The bad news is that it will need to be lanced. But don't worry,Mr. Arthur, I lance a lot. 1.5441 0.02934 612 364 163 85
96 Your first sign should have been that your court taster didn't show up for work. 1.5431 0.02610 731 425 215 91
97 Try sleeping without the crown and see if your head feels less heavy. 1.5388 0.02552 696 392 233 71
98 You’ll need to eat some fruit for your constipation or have an enema... and we know a royal flush always beats two pears. 1.5387 0.02800 698 426 168 104
99 So you've only been able to move one square at a time? 1.5380 0.02652 697 406 207 84
100 It’s what we call a royal pain in the ass. 1.5377 0.02576 690 391 227 72
101 The tests show that you have a merry old soul. 1.5372 0.02515 685 380 242 63
102 Sorry for the bad news. I’m going to have to prescribe a Royal flush. 1.5372 0.02687 685 401 200 84
103 I have to be honest with you. There is no known cure for a royal pain in the ass. 1.5367 0.02712 682 402 194 86
104 I don’t care if it is “the royal wee,” it shouldn’t be that color. 1.5364 0.02739 686 409 186 91
105 You have Arthuritis 1.5363 0.02701 675 395 198 82
106 Yes, bones spurs... No crusades for you. 1.5356 0.02769 661 392 184 85
107 Says here your head started to feel uneasy in Part II, Act III, Scene I? 1.5354 0.02709 650 376 200 74
108 Well, Midas, you probably shouldn't have touched THAT. 1.5345 0.02778 666 398 180 88
109 Order of succession all worked out? 1.5332 0.02556 647 358 233 56
110 Yes, the crown too. 1.5323 0.02730 635 368 196 71
111 I prefer "proctologist," not "Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.5321 0.02867 639 387 164 88
112 Your dementia, Your Highness, is the greatest and best dementia that any king has ever had or will have. 1.5312 0.02857 642 389 165 88
113 You don't have to explain how the scepter got in there. 1.5300 0.02679 634 363 206 65
114 I'm afraid you already traded your kingdom for a horse, but we take all major credit cards." 1.5291 0.02851 618 369 171 78
115 Blue blood is a figure of speech your highness...believe me red is good 1.5279 0.02646 610 342 214 54
116 I'm afraid it's Arthur-itis. 1.5274 0.03049 548 330 147 71
117 Actually, blood isn't normally blue. 1.5258 0.02756 601 347 192 62
118 To give it a royal perspective : You’re heading to Kingdom Come . 1.5245 0.02884 593 354 167 72
119 While you call it a royal pain in the ass, we doctors call it hemorrhoids. 1.5243 0.02859 597 355 171 71
120 Last year you complained of delusions of grandeur. Any recurrence? 1.5243 0.02810 597 350 181 66
121 You're hopelessly fat,insane and your diet is a disaster. I'll prepare the usual excellent health report. 1.5242 0.03235 454 267 136 51
122 . . . and for your depression, I'm prescribing a jester. 1.5226 0.02779 576 331 189 56
123 No, I'm afraid giving me a pardon wouldn't help change my diagnosis. 1.5217 0.02889 575 341 168 66
124 It's more than a royal pain in the ass, it's hemorrhoids. 1.5200 0.02900 575 343 165 67
125 No, not 'crowns.' Crohn's. 1.5199 0.03036 527 315 150 62
126 I’m sorry you’re not covered. Blue Blood is a pre-existing condition. 1.5195 0.02899 564 334 167 63
127 Am I reading this correctly: you want to be Queen? 1.5181 0.03078 554 343 135 76
128 Delicately put, the crown jewels have lost their luster. 1.5164 0.03894 335 205 87 43
129 So about that "long live the king." 1.5162 0.02982 554 335 152 67
130 I have some troubling news about the royal jewels... 1.5157 0.03102 541 335 133 73
131 And where exactly is this royal pain? 1.5157 0.03104 543 337 132 74
132 Your Highness, I can state unequivocally that you are the healthiest person ever to serve as our king. 1.5148 0.02959 540 322 158 60
133 King-sized is not what you want in a tumor. 1.5132 0.02977 530 316 156 58
134 You can wear your own robe, but the opening still goes in back. 1.5123 0.02965 527 313 158 56
135 Try all the costumes you want Steve, you're not getting any more Vicodin. 1.5118 0.03171 508 314 128 66
136 You know We need to do a Royal Flush before the colonoscopy. 1.5115 0.03151 520 323 128 69
137 I’m sorry, you’re 95% peasant 1.5114 0.03041 526 319 145 62
138 Your condition is hereditary. 1.5098 0.03234 510 322 116 72
139 And how long has it been since your last Royal Flush? 1.5098 0.03116 512 314 135 63
140 The condition of your soul seems to have advanced from "Merry Old" to "Very Old." 1.5098 0.03003 512 305 153 54
141 We managed to pull the stone from your sword. 1.5090 0.03154 501 308 131 62
142 Have you considered replacing the throne with a stand up desk? 1.5079 0.02932 504 294 164 46
143 The bad news: you're backed up. The good news: with a colonic, a royal flush beats a full house. 1.5070 0.03138 499 306 133 60
144 Unfortunately, you're not fit for a king. 1.5051 0.03102 487 294 140 53
145 I have some good news -- for the prince. 1.5051 0.03228 491 307 120 64
146 Just take it one square at a time, and keep an eye out for any knights or bishops. 1.5041 0.03056 482 287 147 48
147 Tell me more about these knight terrors you've been experiencing. 1.5031 0.03046 481 286 148 47
148 You’re not very fit, for a king. 1.5021 0.03180 468 285 131 52
149 Well, they're similar, but ours open in the back. 1.5011 0.03107 471 283 140 48
150 You’ve got king crabs 1.5000 0.03347 458 289 109 60
151 I'm afraid you have a deviated scepter. 1.5000 0.03216 458 280 127 51
152 The tests confirm we need to end all of this 'long live the king' discussion. 1.5000 0.03171 458 277 133 48
153 For starters, you've got that on backwards. 1.4989 0.03342 459 290 109 60
154 Well Mr. President that’s because I’m a real doctor. 1.4977 0.03427 444 283 101 60
155 Unfortunately, you're the single payer. 1.4971 0.03829 340 213 85 42
156 Any family history of coronary events? 1.4955 0.03284 448 278 118 52
157 Your report shows no collusion or obstruction, but we did find a lot of delusion, confusion and obfuscation! 1.4955 0.03433 448 288 98 62
158 Alright, I’ll write “royal pain in the ass”. As long as you know it’s a hemorrhoid. 1.4955 0.03284 448 278 118 52
159 Good news: your blood is blue. Bad news: so's your urine. 1.4944 0.03388 443 281 105 57
160 Not so quick to get rid of Obamacare now, are we? 1.4943 0.03396 439 278 105 56
161 Before I give you my diagnosis, what did my late colleague say you have? 1.4921 0.03930 315 197 81 37
162 I’ve never seen this before, your blood is blue. 1.4919 0.03222 433 263 127 43
163 It’s time to disrobe so I can examine your Crown Jewels. 1.4919 0.03400 433 274 105 54
164 Unfortunately, there is no cure for chronic sense of entitlement. 1.4918 0.03261 429 262 123 44
165 The good news is you're the king. The bad news is the gout doesn't care. 1.4907 0.03112 428 253 140 35
166 You know the expression “King for a day”? That’s about what we’re looking at. 1.4906 0.03289 424 260 120 44
167 You are, actually, fit -- for a King. 1.4903 0.03788 310 188 92 30
168 You need to disrobe. 1.4894 0.03243 423 257 125 41
169 I'm sorry, Your Majesty. Sovereign immunity is a metaphor. You need a colonoscopy. 1.4894 0.03378 423 265 109 49
170 About this "Long Live the King". Let's talk about that. 1.4894 0.03225 423 256 127 40
171 Let's put it this way: Long Live the Queen! 1.4891 0.03490 413 263 98 52
172 I can't be the first the inform you that 'blue' is not a blood type. 1.4891 0.03209 413 247 130 36
173 It's funny you should say that, because I'm actually not a real doctor. 1.4886 0.03555 395 251 95 49
174 The good news is the bad news has been redacted. 1.4882 0.03800 338 213 85 40
175 You have a merry old soul, but your heart is shot. 1.4880 0.03323 418 258 116 44
176 Please stop calling it Our Prostate. 1.4880 0.03264 416 253 123 40
177 Sorry, I can't accept peasants as co-pay 1.4877 0.03382 408 253 111 44
178 Mr. Midas, you’re just going to have to stop touching it. 1.4877 0.03539 408 262 93 53
179 Your majesty, the genetics results show that you were once a frog! 1.4866 0.03286 409 249 121 39
180 For the next part of the exam, I will need you to put on your new clothes, Emperor. 1.4864 0.03376 403 249 112 42
181 Your cholesterol level is more "Burger King" than "Long live the King"... 1.4864 0.03321 403 246 118 39
182 It says here that you keep having delusions about being President of the United States. 1.4852 0.03376 406 252 111 43
183 It’s a common mistake. The robe is supposed to go the other way around. 1.4851 0.03548 404 260 92 52
184 So I've got some bad news about your "Crown Jewels". 1.4838 0.03295 401 244 120 37
185 So if I say you're the healthiest king ever, I won't get my head chopped off? 1.4836 0.03541 397 254 94 49
186 Well, I have to report that you've got serious health issues, but I suppose we can have William Barr write the cover letter. 1.4832 0.03701 387 254 79 54
187 Marty, your obsession with Game Of Thrones is concerning. 1.4826 0.03234 373 219 128 26
188 Do you promise not to kill the messenger? 1.4821 0.03387 392 242 111 39
189 And how long has it been since Your Highness last sat on the throne? 1.4821 0.03368 392 241 113 38
190 No, it’s not your nuts, it’s “You’re nuts.” 1.4821 0.03593 392 253 89 50
191 At what point did it become a "royal" pain in the ass? 1.4791 0.03451 382 238 105 39
192 The good news: You are covered under single payer insurance. Unfortunately, you are the single payer. 1.4791 0.03530 382 242 97 43
193 You're fit for a king. 1.4787 0.03388 376 230 112 34
194 Your teeth look fine, but we're gonna have to replace that crown. 1.4787 0.03450 376 233 106 37
195 I'm thinking narcissistic personality disorder or simply poor wardrobe choices. 1.4779 0.03431 385 240 106 39
196 And exactly where did you say you have this 'Royal Pain'? 1.4776 0.03019 379 216 145 18
197 You’re going to need to notify everyone who’s come in contact with your royal jewels. 1.4758 0.03518 372 234 99 39
198 I'd like to help but I see your insurance expired in 1534. 1.4758 0.03559 372 236 95 41
199 Your results are back. I'm afraid it's checkmate. 1.4757 0.03552 370 234 96 40
200 I'm going to have to ask you to disrobe. 1.4754 0.03914 305 193 79 33
201 Bad news your majesty it's the common cold. 1.4743 0.03257 369 220 123 26
202 You need to try and relax. I'm sure this democracy thing is just a fad. 1.4740 0.03416 365 224 109 32
203 It seems you suffer from a sense of entitlement. 1.4740 0.03481 365 227 103 35
204 You need to stay away from Burgers, King. 1.4740 0.03459 365 226 105 34
205 How should I put this? Short live the king. 1.4740 0.03671 365 236 85 44
206 Your DNA results came back 75% Peasant. 1.4740 0.03588 365 232 93 40
207 The radiologist’s report indicates the bowel obstruction appears to caused by... huh?... ingested blackbirds, as many as two dozen. 1.4735 0.03478 359 222 104 33
208 The technical name is hemorrhoids, but in your case I think we can call them a royal pain in the ass. 1.4725 0.03466 364 226 104 34
209 Actually, Your Majesty will be the one bowing today. 1.4722 0.03750 360 236 78 46
210 The royal highness of your cholesterol concerns me. 1.4706 0.03646 357 229 88 40
211 It's supposed to stink. 1.4697 0.03790 347 227 77 43
212 Uh, ok. We usually say hemmorrhoids, but royal pain in the ass really works in your case. 1.4688 0.03549 352 221 97 34
213 Yes, you could have the radiologist executed but it won't change your diagnosis 1.4688 0.03706 352 228 83 41
214 We found your scepter 1.4688 0.03662 352 226 87 39
215 You may be suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.4688 0.03549 352 221 97 34
216 I assume you wouldn't be interested in a revolutionary new treatment. 1.4688 0.04893 192 122 50 20
217 You're healthy enough to survive another round of intrigue and backstabbing. 1.4684 0.03389 348 211 111 26
218 I have bad news. Your condition is hereditary. 1.4677 0.04115 248 153 74 21
219 Let's not refer to the colonoscopy as a royal flush. 1.4674 0.03632 353 226 89 38
220 You should still be able to move in all directions, but I'm afraid it's gonna be only one step at a time. 1.4665 0.03520 343 213 100 30
221 Were your mother and father possibly first cousins? 1.4665 0.03616 343 217 92 34
222 If I may be frank, you should have kept your sword sheathed. 1.4665 0.03663 343 219 88 36
223 I'm sorry your majesty, but I'm afraid it's checkmate. 1.4665 0.03755 343 223 80 40
224 I'm sorry to tell you, but you only have VIII months to live, possibly IX. 1.4663 0.03486 341 210 103 28
225 These test results are astonishingly excellent. You are, unequivocally, the healthiest king in the history of the monarchy. 1.4663 0.03702 341 219 85 37
226 I should also check your mate... 1.4655 0.03964 275 172 78 25
227 I'm afraid it's Crown's Disease. 1.4645 0.03431 338 206 107 25
228 This “royal pain”... does it itch? 1.4645 0.03606 338 213 93 32
229 Uh . . . you know that expression, "Long live the King . . . ?" 1.4633 0.03460 341 210 104 27
230 Colonoscopies are performed in the dungeons, by the royal inquisitor, but we may ask the royal buffoon for a visual inspection. 1.4627 0.03399 335 203 109 23
231 At your age, your majesty, I would just leave the sword in the stone. 1.4625 0.03594 333 209 94 30
232 And I like to pretend that I'm a doctor. 1.4625 0.03766 333 216 80 37
233 Any chance your parents were brother and sister? 1.4625 0.03742 333 215 82 36
234 You have a weak constitution. 1.4625 0.03668 333 212 88 33
235 Your blood results are back. It's blue. 1.4625 0.03668 333 212 88 33
236 The results indicate success. No, sorry. Read that wrong. ‘Succession.’ 1.4625 0.03790 333 217 78 38
237 Do you want the truth or the redacted report?" 1.4622 0.03684 331 211 87 33
238 You need to give up your pipe and your bowl, but you can keep the fiddlers three. 1.4622 0.03634 331 209 91 31
239 It says here you were beaten by two queens. 1.4622 0.03734 331 213 83 35
240 I performed Humpty's autopsy. Your horses and men are hacks. 1.4622 0.03558 331 206 97 28
241 I’d say you’ve got a classic case of affluenza. 1.4622 0.03427 331 201 107 23
242 Difficulty "wielding the sceptre" is quite common for a monarch your age. 1.4622 0.03684 331 211 87 33
243 But is it the highest cholesterol in all the land? 1.4622 0.03709 331 212 85 34
244 Tell me, Mr. President. How long have you felt like this? 1.4620 0.03799 329 214 78 37
245 I recommend a royal flush. 1.4610 0.03989 282 180 74 28
246 Do you need a note for work? 1.4601 0.03825 326 213 76 37
247 Discontinue pipe. Discontinue bowl. Increase fiddlers to four. 1.4599 0.03817 324 211 77 36
248 It’s your Royal Heinie your Royal Highness. 1.4599 0.03558 324 201 97 26
249 Have you conquered a West African country in the past 21 days? 1.4599 0.03792 324 210 79 35
250 Yes, your highness, hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.4590 0.03774 329 214 79 36
251 I don't think having one of your subjects get the colonoscopy will help. 1.4590 0.03700 329 211 85 33
252 Well, the "fewer treats" is for your health; the "fewer tweets" is for ours. 1.4585 0.04649 229 152 49 28
253 You're in remarkably good health for an anachronism. 1.4579 0.03661 321 203 89 29
254 Sir, for the last time, God cannot be your emergency contact. 1.4577 0.03650 319 201 90 28
255 No, Sire, not the COMMON cold. 1.4577 0.03704 319 203 86 30
256 So you want me to say that you are the “healthiest individual ever to be king?” 1.4577 0.04035 319 216 60 43
257 The good news is you're king. The bad news is . . . for a day. 1.4577 0.03783 319 206 80 33
258 I'm afraid the term "Sire" is no longer altogether appropriate. 1.4577 0.03757 319 205 82 32
259 You have a royal flush 1.4574 0.03556 317 196 97 24
260 The last time I allowed the patient to write his own report I was working for a President. 1.4554 0.03843 303 195 78 30
261 And here's your redacted copy of my evaluation. 1.4551 0.03844 312 203 76 33
262 Not omnipotent, George --impotent. 1.4551 0.03763 312 200 82 30
263 Have you noticed any difficulty in making a decree, an increased frequency of decreeing, or the need to decree in the middle of the night? 1.4551 0.04027 312 210 62 40
264 After all these years, you want to go back to being a frog? 1.4551 0.03763 312 200 82 30
265 Your food taster has diabetes. 1.4548 0.03752 310 198 83 29
266 This petition from your food taster to take your colonoscopy prep for you appears to be in your handwriting. 1.4537 0.03808 313 203 78 32
267 You have an enlarged whopper. 1.4525 0.04016 305 204 64 37
268 The bad news is, “Long live the Queen.” 1.4521 0.03981 303 201 67 35
269 The robe is supposed to open to the rear. 1.4521 0.03726 303 192 85 26
270 I'm afraid it's just a royal pain in the ass. 1.4521 0.03898 303 198 73 32
271 Just remind me - who died and made you King? 1.4518 0.04578 228 151 51 26
272 Did you say that you are, or that you have, a royal pain in the ass? 1.4516 0.03779 310 200 80 30
273 The good news is, your son's about to get a promotion. 1.4503 0.03584 302 187 94 21
274 Mister President, between us, you are obese with oncoming Alzheimer's, but obviously the fittest man ever to rule. 1.4503 0.04072 302 204 60 38
275 I have teenage stepchildren, your Majesty. Royal pains are my specialty. 1.4503 0.03991 302 201 66 35
276 This is quite the family history. 1.4503 0.03734 302 192 84 26
277 Removing the orb is no problem, it's the scepter that concerns me. 1.4503 0.03645 302 189 90 23
278 I see that you marked "royal" as your blood type. 1.4503 0.03822 302 195 78 29
279 So when I refer to "your highness," I am speaking of your blood pressure for which we would like some lowness. 1.4497 0.03858 298 193 76 29
280 You need to give up your pipe and your bowl. Fiddlers are okay. 1.4488 0.03840 303 197 76 30
281 You're in pretty good shape for a king your age, but you still shouldn't be eating 4 and 20 of anything, even if it is a tasty dish 1.4488 0.03451 303 184 102 17
282 Well, you still have a merry old soul, but we need to talk about your liver. 1.4488 0.03783 303 195 80 28
283 The diagnosis may come as a surprise but you’re a queen. 1.4485 0.04220 272 182 58 32
284 Well, if you’re sure want the good news first...You’re the king. 1.4475 0.04060 295 198 62 35
285 I must say, you're certainly fit for a king. 1.4464 0.04034 289 192 65 32
286 Please disrobe, but you can keep the crown on if it makes you feel more comfortable 1.4464 0.03691 289 181 87 21
287 So, you want something to enhance your crown jewels? 1.4459 0.03875 296 193 74 29
288 Well, your temperature is elevated and your face is red. Believe me, it's nothing more than a Royal Flush. 1.4459 0.03875 296 193 74 29
289 Tests show your ego is slightly elevated. 1.4459 0.03694 296 187 86 23
290 I think it's safe to say that you inherited this. 1.4444 0.03633 288 179 90 19
291 The tests reveal you are royally screwed. 1.4444 0.03922 288 188 72 28
292 Let's talk about Schizophrenia, Mr. Trump... 1.4444 0.04304 288 201 46 41
293 Better start prepping the prince... 1.4444 0.03859 288 186 76 26
294 King Arthur? I'm Dr. Lancelot. 1.4444 0.03796 288 184 80 24
295 Family history of beheading... poisoning... garroting. Good news. You're unlikely to suffer from heart disease or cancer. 1.4441 0.04003 286 189 67 30
296 So, how long have you been having trouble getting your 'little peasant' to stage an uprising? 1.4441 0.04033 286 190 65 31
297 Was it you, or the nurse, who put "royal pain in the ass" on your intake form? 1.4433 0.04044 282 187 65 30
298 The bowl and the fiddlers are fine, but the pipe has to go. 1.4433 0.04013 282 186 67 29
299 Think of the colonoscopy as a royal flush. 1.4413 0.03958 281 184 70 27
300 Well, 'Long live the King' is actually just an expression. 1.4413 0.03894 281 182 74 25
301 The bowl and the fiddlers three are fine, but I urge you to stop calling for your pipe. 1.4409 0.03847 279 179 77 23
302 Well if Mr. Trump can claim to be 6’-3”, I don’t see any harm in calling you a 12-inch ruler.. 1.4403 0.04062 268 176 66 26
303 We share the same delusion -- I think you're the King too. 1.4397 0.03817 282 181 78 23
304 Well King Midas, It Looks Like Your Prostate Is As Good As Gold. 1.4397 0.03915 282 184 72 26
305 Knight terrors are pretty common for a man of your age. 1.4397 0.03683 282 177 86 19
306 Great news for your eldest... 1.4397 0.03915 282 184 72 26
307 Your delusions of grandeur seem only to be getting worse, Mr. Jones. 1.4380 0.03929 274 178 72 24
308 Omnipotence happens to a lot of kings your age 1.4380 0.04062 274 182 64 28
309 'So the last thing you remember is asking for a horse?' 1.4380 0.03929 274 178 72 24
310 So, lemme get this straight. You touched it and now it's gold? 1.4380 0.03860 274 176 76 22
311 I'm afraid it's a little late for "Long live the king". 1.4380 0.03825 274 175 78 21
312 You may want to change that phrase 'Long Live the King.' 1.4380 0.03894 274 177 74 23
313 For your information the insurance companies are king. 1.4380 0.04192 274 186 56 32
314 I see the last time you visited us you were Buffalo Bill. 1.4380 0.03996 274 180 68 26
315 I’m happy to report your reign in pain is mainly just a sprain 1.4380 0.04095 274 183 62 29
316 No, I’m Dr. Lewis. You had Dr. Halpern beheaded, remember? 1.4375 0.03983 272 178 69 25
317 So when was the last time you performed your ‘royal duties’? 1.4375 0.03983 272 178 69 25
318 Watching what you eat is important, but your food taster's charts are giving me some concerns. 1.4375 0.03664 272 169 87 16
319 I don’t care if you are the king, I still need your insurance card. 1.4375 0.03949 272 177 71 24
320 You can still be a merry old soul and keep the fiddlers three but I think it’s time you give up the pipe. 1.4375 0.03626 272 168 89 15
321 Would your Majesty deign to ascend the throne and provide us with a sample? 1.4375 0.03879 272 175 75 22
322 Your family history looks identical on both your mother and father’s side. Did I get that right? 1.4375 0.04017 272 179 67 26
323 You're not that fit for a king. 1.4366 0.04060 268 177 65 26
324 I appreciate that you want to wear your own robe, but I'm still going to need the opening in the back. 1.4366 0.04128 268 179 61 28
325 These results are actually quite good, considering the inbreeding. 1.4366 0.03955 268 174 71 23
326 To be perfectly honest, you are royally screwed 1.4366 0.04025 268 176 67 25
327 There's no easy way to put this; you're royally screwed. 1.4366 0.04228 268 182 55 31
328 Have you given any thought to succession planning? 1.4366 0.03661 268 166 87 15
329 And you have no idea how that scepter got up there? 1.4366 0.04195 268 181 57 30
330 You need to change your diet. You’ve had your last burger, King. 1.4366 0.03774 268 169 81 18
331 Calling for your fiddlers three—and even your bowl—is OK. But forget the pipe. 1.4364 0.03780 275 175 80 20
332 I’m sorry to tell you that “long live the King” is just a saying and is not always the case. 1.4346 0.03928 260 167 73 20
333 Before we go any further, you've got that on backward. 1.4346 0.04289 260 177 53 30
334 We're going to need that crown to cover this bill. 1.4345 0.03630 267 165 88 14
335 You're a fat senile ruler with no heart. Enjoy your trip. Americans will love you. 1.4345 0.04172 267 180 58 29
336 Alright, what did you touch this time, Midas? 1.4345 0.03928 267 173 72 22
337 well Sire,we'll have to see those family jewels. 1.4345 0.04034 267 176 66 25
338 I can lie about your weight and claim you'll live to be two hundred, but nobody's going to believe you're smarter than a toddler. 1.4345 0.04305 267 184 50 33
339 OK, I'll put your weight as 239 pounds. What else do you want this to say? 1.4345 0.04337 267 185 48 34
340 I have only seen one individual with a more advanced case of narcissism than you Mr. Brown. 1.4345 0.04069 267 177 64 26
341 It's definite. You have a royal flush. 1.4345 0.04205 267 181 56 30
342 This prescription for a pipe, a bowl, and fiddlers three should get you to back to your merry old self right away. 1.4345 0.04172 267 180 58 29
343 Sir, that’s not what I meant when I said change into your robe. 1.4335 0.04113 263 175 62 26
344 I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your cold is indeed quite common. 1.4330 0.04494 194 124 56 14
345 I afraid being the burger king has finally caught up to you. 1.4330 0.04064 261 172 65 24
346 Now may be a good time to exercise your divine rights. 1.4330 0.04136 261 174 61 26
347 The bad news is, your DNA shows you are not the King. 1.4325 0.04353 252 172 51 29
348 It's Crown's disease. 1.4323 0.04009 266 175 67 24
349 Unfortunately, sovereign immunity doesn’t cover this. 1.4323 0.04009 266 175 67 24
350 I'm afraid you will have to sell Britain to pay for your insurance. 1.4323 0.04044 266 176 65 25
351 Your blue cells are a bit low. 1.4320 0.04367 206 132 59 15
352 God Save The Queen! 1.4320 0.04191 250 166 60 24
353 I'd recommend that you stay away from White Castle. 1.4318 0.03921 264 171 72 21
354 You were right in worrying about your receding heir lines 1.4306 0.04428 209 136 56 17
355 Well, yes, but it says here you’ve had your last four proctologists beheaded. 1.4302 0.04133 258 172 61 25
356 Seems as if your royal jewels are merely ornamental 1.4302 0.04169 258 173 59 26
357 Well, at least this time, you are wearing clothes. 1.4302 0.04022 258 169 67 22
358 I have the test results regarding the Crown Jewels. 1.4302 0.03908 258 166 73 19
359 I'm going to refer you to a specialist who can help you — he's a wizard. 1.4302 0.04133 258 172 61 25
360 If you still need an heir, I'm afraid it's going to take more than a new Queen. 1.4302 0.04022 258 169 67 22
361 You are the healthiest king in history. Now will you tell the guy with the axe to go away? 1.4302 0.04133 258 172 61 25
362 The pain may literally be royal. but technically it's just a hemorrhoid. 1.4302 0.03908 258 166 73 19
363 I advise you to cut down on your knight life. 1.4302 0.04096 258 171 63 24
364 Drop your drawbridge. Need to check jewels. 1.4297 0.04156 256 171 60 25
365 You want me to state unequivocally that you're the healthiest person ever? 1.4297 0.04441 256 179 44 33
366 I’m sorry, your insurance only covers leeches or a poultice. 1.4297 0.04081 256 169 64 23
367 The robe ties in the back. 1.4286 0.03849 252 160 76 16
368 Unfortunately it seems that even with all of your horses and all of your men you still haven't quite reached your deductible 1.4286 0.04165 252 168 60 24
369 Bad news. Not long live the king. 1.4286 0.04458 252 176 44 32
370 Let me put it this way, you better produce an heir as soon as possible. 1.4286 0.04088 252 166 64 22
371 In medical terms, you're royally screwed. 1.4286 0.04049 252 165 66 21
372 It's hereditary 1.4275 0.03937 255 165 71 19
373 I'm afraid you're royally fucked. 1.4269 0.04264 253 172 54 27
374 If crowned, I can state unequivocally that he will be the healthiest individual every to rule. 1.4269 0.03838 253 161 76 16
375 I see the anti-depressant is working. 1.4269 0.04037 253 166 66 21
376 It's a case of proctalgia fugax regalis, or put simply, a Royal Pain in the Arse. 1.4269 0.04114 253 168 62 23
377 White Castle cannot be your official residence and Burger King is not a real title 1.4269 0.04152 253 169 60 24
378 Bad news, I'm afraid. It's checkmate. 1.4269 0.04152 253 169 60 24
379 Despite what your wife says “royal pain in the neck” is not a medical condition. 1.4269 0.04227 253 171 56 26
380 How much time do you spend each day sitting on the throne ? 1.4269 0.04076 253 167 64 22
381 And how are we today? 1.4269 0.04114 253 168 62 23
382 According to these test results, you have the mind of a seventy-two year old sociopath with narcissistic co-morbidity. 1.4263 0.04098 251 166 63 22
383 First, I’d like to run tests for blue blood, then I’ll check the Crown Jewels. 1.4263 0.04020 251 164 67 20
384 Meaning no disrespect - we still call it a 'common cold.' 1.4263 0.03980 251 163 69 19
385 Good news, all your bloodwork came back blue. 1.4251 0.03982 247 160 69 18
386 No, you didn't get it from sitting on the throne. 1.4251 0.04064 247 162 65 20
387 All of your tests indicate early onset abdication 1.4250 0.04160 200 125 65 10
388 It's plain your pain comes mainly from your reign. 1.4245 0.04208 245 164 58 23
389 I'd say you're fit, for a king. 1.4245 0.03834 245 155 76 14
390 Well your majesty, it turns out I can't accept you as a patient - you have no cash, no credit card and you refused to approve Medicare for All. 1.4240 0.04482 250 176 42 32
391 Exercising your authority doesn't count... 1.4240 0.03989 250 163 68 19
392 'Any other symptoms apart from your receding heir line?' 1.4240 0.04029 250 164 66 20
393 Well, King Cole, here's a prescription for Prozac. You'll be merry again in no time. 1.4240 0.04069 250 165 64 21
394 You need to get out of the castle more often. Your test results show you have Turret Syndrome. 1.4240 0.04224 250 169 56 25
395 She can't keep letting you eat cake 1.4239 0.04717 184 121 48 15
396 I hate to tell you, Sire, but you are in fact naked. 1.4229 0.05019 175 118 40 17
397 Sorry,no more pipe,no more bowl. But you can keep the fiddlers three. 1.4222 0.05511 135 89 35 11
398 Unfortunately, it appears you’ve inherited more than your kingdom. 1.4221 0.04138 244 162 61 21
399 I suppose 'a king's ransom' would be enough to pay for the procedure. 1.4215 0.03993 242 157 68 17
400 I am very concerned about your blue blood cells count, your highness 1.4215 0.04120 242 160 62 20
401 The good news is you’re going to have a son. The bad news is he’ll be king in less than a year. 1.4215 0.04203 242 162 58 22
402 It's good to see Renaissance Fair employees finally getting health coverage. 1.4215 0.04120 242 160 62 20
403 You ordered all positive test results, and that's exactly what you got. 1.4215 0.04203 242 162 58 22
404 No, Your Highness. Ordering your people to exercise more will not improve your cholesterol level. 1.4215 0.03727 242 151 80 11
405 When did you first notice you'd lost your merry old soul? 1.4215 0.04120 242 160 62 20
406 You feel like a Queen trapped in a King's body? 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
407 The royal treatment? Not with your PPO. 1.4208 0.04227 240 161 57 22
408 The transition is going very well. Once a Queen, now the King. 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
409 Standard prep, or royal flush? 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
410 Just one form to sign--that you're absolutely positive you'd rather be a queen. 1.4208 0.04268 240 162 55 23
411 Aren't ALL your pains royal? 1.4208 0.04186 240 160 59 21
412 Blue blood makes sense but you should not have blue urine. 1.4202 0.04125 238 157 62 19
413 Well, the lab results say Meglomania. 1.4202 0.04416 238 164 48 26
414 Have you tried abdicating?" 1.4202 0.04210 238 159 58 21
415 It says here you’re experiencing an insurrection lasting longer than 4 weeks? 1.4202 0.04252 238 160 56 22
416 The good news is you have two weeks to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you last week. 1.4202 0.04416 238 164 48 26
417 I’m referring you to a specialist Mr. President. 1.4198 0.04309 243 166 52 25
418 long live the king" might be wishful thinking 1.4188 0.04260 234 157 56 21
419 You have six months to rule. 1.4188 0.04084 234 153 64 17
420 I'm sorry your majesty, but divine right is not a valid insurance plan 1.4188 0.04429 234 161 48 25
421 No, I said "futile," not "feudal." 1.4188 0.04173 234 155 60 19
422 On the bright side, you're still the king. 1.4184 0.04154 239 159 60 20
423 Prozac helps you live HAPPILY. EVER AFTER is still in clinical trials. 1.4177 0.04178 237 158 59 20
424 It’s just gout, Ron, there’s no need to get all dressed up for these check ups. 1.4176 0.04874 182 123 42 17
425 Any problems on the throne? 1.4163 0.04139 233 154 61 18
426 It’s been five years since your last royal flush. 1.4163 0.04184 233 155 59 19
427 I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but...you're in Checkmate." 1.4163 0.04228 233 156 57 20
428 Your realm is not in our network. 1.4163 0.04357 233 159 51 23
429 Well, a merry old soul usually benefits from statins, too. 1.4163 0.04228 233 156 57 20
430 Now, are you absolutely certain you want to be a Queen? 1.4163 0.04271 233 157 55 21
431 Couldn't you just endorse the product but not eat the burgers? 1.4163 0.04441 233 161 47 25
432 You need to call less for your pipe and your bowl. Call more for your fiddlers three. 1.4163 0.04314 233 158 53 22
433 No, 'WE' are not due for a prostate exam, YOU are! 1.4163 0.04228 233 156 57 20
434 We've gotten the DNA results back and you're really Santa Claus. 1.4163 0.04441 233 161 47 25
435 I think your condition may be hereditary. 1.4163 0.04314 233 158 53 22
436 Sorry sir, ‘Blue’ is not a blood type. 1.4163 0.04094 233 153 63 17
437 Looking at these test results, your reign in Spain may be over. 1.4159 0.04365 226 153 52 21
438 I think you'd better find a new food taster. 1.4157 0.04951 178 121 40 17
439 This is getting old Dad. 1.4156 0.04427 231 159 48 24
440 I'm afraid you'll only be able to move one space at a time from now on. 1.4156 0.04072 231 151 64 16
441 I see you brought your own gown, but you still have to put it on the other way. 1.4156 0.03931 231 148 70 13
442 I told you not to touch it, so why is it gold? 1.4156 0.04072 231 151 64 16
443 I am not falling for this Caption Contest thing again. For years I have faithfully entered and submitted very witty and/or humorous captions without ever having even one selected as a winner or even a finalist...... I QUIT your stupid contest! 1.4156 0.04872 231 170 26 35
444 I'm afraid you're history. 1.4156 0.04209 231 154 58 19
445 They approved the pipe, they approved the bowl, but they denied coverage for the fiddlers three. 1.4156 0.04164 231 153 60 18
446 You’re right - it is a royal pain. 1.4156 0.04118 231 152 62 17
447 You can call for your fiddlers three but no more pipe and no more bowl. 1.4156 0.04026 231 150 66 15
448 It appears that you have a weak constitution. 1.4156 0.04297 231 156 54 21
449 So just how much time do you spend on the throne? 1.4156 0.04297 231 156 54 21
450 The test results show that you have the Donald Complex, which is a bitch to control. 1.4156 0.04593 231 163 40 28
451 It says here you suffer from delusions of grandeur. 1.4142 0.04021 239 157 65 17
452 Geez, Henry, of course you're feeling tired. Six wives??? 1.4141 0.04357 198 129 56 13
453 Funny. I just had Ronald McDonald in here yesterday. 1.4141 0.04259 227 152 56 19
454 After reviewing your test results, I'd say the "Long Live" part is a bit shaky. 1.4141 0.04167 227 150 60 17
455 'Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown,' doesn't give me much to go on. 1.4141 0.04024 227 147 66 14
456 I wrote your tests were astonishingly excellent and that you are the healthiest person ever to be crowned king. Will that do? 1.4138 0.04411 232 160 48 24
457 Sire, heavy is the head that wears the crown, and, if I may say so, likewise the torso that wears the head. 1.4133 0.04377 225 153 51 21
458 Heavy is the head that wears the crown--and pinched are the nerves in the neck. 1.4130 0.04128 230 152 61 17
459 Nope. It's red, just like everyone else's. 1.4126 0.04495 223 154 46 23
460 Your tests came back GREAT, your blood pressure is TERRIFIC, Your the HEALTHIEST PRESIDENT to ever serve! 1.4120 0.04681 233 168 34 31
461 I understand your concern but for a complete physical I must examine the royal jewels 1.4112 0.04488 214 146 48 20
462 Well,according to Mueller's report,there's no obstruction. 1.4112 0.04439 214 145 50 19
463 How many goblets would you say you drink per week? 1.4112 0.04288 214 142 56 16
464 It appears that what you have is inherited. 1.4107 0.04250 224 150 56 18
465 I'm afraid it's time for an Old King Colonoscopy. 1.4107 0.04434 224 154 48 22
466 So you say you’re having Knight terrors. 1.4107 0.04434 224 154 48 22
467 This says you're the healthiest individual to ever usurp the throne. Sure, I'll sign it. 1.4107 0.04389 224 153 50 21
468 It's called a royal pain, your Highness." 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
469 I see you have a family history of gout and mild narcissism. 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
470 I'm sorry, your Majesty, but long live the king doesn't apply here. 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
471 You say you have bone spurs? 1.4107 0.04697 224 160 36 28
472 So, anatomically speaking, it's not your wife's fault you have no male heirs, Henry. 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
473 I'm sorry to have to tell you--it's "checkmate". 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
474 And how many times a day are you on the throne? 1.4107 0.04524 224 156 44 24
475 How many redactions for the Queen's copy? 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
476 Can you put that on so it opens in the back? 1.4107 0.04106 224 147 62 15
477 Your condition is sometimes hereditary. 1.4107 0.04106 224 147 62 15
478 Your condition tends to run in families. 1.4107 0.04250 224 150 56 18
479 Your Highness isn’t such a good thing when it comes to your blood pressure. 1.4107 0.04106 224 147 62 15
480 X-rays came back. You're going to have to get a crown removed. 1.4107 0.04297 224 151 54 19
481 It looks like you’re behind on the black plague vaccination. 1.4107 0.04343 224 152 52 20
482 I can tell you’re not going to like the hospital gowns. 1.4107 0.04250 224 150 56 18
483 This is a rather long family history. 1.4107 0.04154 224 148 60 16
484 You can still be King, just not the Burger King. 1.4099 0.04597 222 156 41 25
485 Well, I have bad news for you, but great news for your heir. 1.4099 0.04370 222 151 51 20
486 The medical term is hemorrhoids. You may know it as a royal pain in the ass. 1.4099 0.04323 222 150 53 19
487 Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Your headaches will stop if you remove it for several hours a day. 1.4099 0.04417 222 152 49 21
488 You have Noble Gas. 1.4099 0.04553 222 155 43 24
489 Your medical records show that every physician you have seen in the past refers to you as a royal pain in the ass. 1.4099 0.04228 222 148 57 17
490 You really should get your shots...It’s coup season. 1.4099 0.04553 222 155 43 24
491 I understand "God save the king" as a campaign slogan, but I really have to recommend flu vaccine too. 1.4099 0.04030 222 144 65 13
492 Have you experienced any discomfort when you're ... on the throne? 1.4099 0.04130 222 146 61 15
493 Unfortunately, your insurance is out of kingdom. 1.4093 0.04946 193 136 35 22
494 You are NOT fit, for a king. 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
495 Please disrobe. 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
496 I'm sorry, but you'll need to see a dentist for a new crown. 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
497 Good news, you have the heart of a lion, Richard. 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
498 Not so long live the King. 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
499 You have Goneril, which will slowly drive you insane. 1.4093 0.04889 215 156 30 29
500 Usually I just call it an 'enema' but if it makes you feel better I can say 'royal flush' 1.4093 0.04221 215 142 58 15
501 It can happen if you spend too much time on the throne. 1.4093 0.04323 215 144 54 17
502 Four and twenty blackbirds? Well, that explains a lot. 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
503 You ate all 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in the pie? 1.4093 0.04373 215 145 52 18
504 When did you first notice you were wearing clothes 1.4093 0.04471 215 147 48 20
505 Have it your way" doesn't apply to prostate exam 1.4093 0.04422 215 146 50 19
506 Your blood pressure is up a bit. It's what we call a 'royal flush'. 1.4093 0.04298 237 163 51 23
507 You're royally fucked 1.4091 0.04628 220 155 40 25
508 I see you are covered by Medicare-for-One. 1.4091 0.04672 220 156 38 26
509 Next time, let me have a look at the wench first. 1.4091 0.04445 220 151 48 21
510 Looks like you have a family history of execution. 1.4091 0.04302 220 148 54 18
511 Your Highness, it is the lab report. But for some reason it is entirely redacted. 1.4091 0.04583 220 154 42 24
512 Sure, you can leave the crown on. 1.4091 0.04350 220 149 52 19
513 Seems those heel spurs you had in your youth have completely disappeared! 1.4091 0.04800 198 138 39 21
514 I see from your chart that each of my predecessors met an untimely demise, so perhaps we’ll skip this next part. 1.4091 0.04254 220 147 56 17
515 I ‘m afraid you have Old King Colon. 1.4091 0.04398 220 150 50 20
516 So...Do you have a son 1.4091 0.04155 220 145 60 15
517 Bad news - the royal "we" now refers to you and your tapeworm. 1.4091 0.04445 220 151 48 21
518 Are you aware that your insurance does not have "out of kingdom" benefits? 1.4091 0.04350 220 149 52 19
519 Take two in the morning and stay close to the throne. 1.4091 0.04105 220 144 62 14
520 Your Highness, I’m afraid your “uneasy head” qualifies as a pre-existing condition. 1.4083 0.04180 218 144 59 15
521 Have you had any more delusions of grandeur since your last visit? 1.4080 0.04466 174 112 53 9
522 Your insurance will only cover generic leeches. 1.4078 0.04859 179 122 41 16
523 Let’s test for delusions of grandeur. 1.4074 0.04550 216 150 44 22
524 I recommend an assisted living castle 1.4072 0.04225 194 125 59 10
525 I recommend you spend less time sitting on the throne. 1.4068 0.05676 118 78 32 8
526 The robe is supposed to be the other way around. 1.4068 0.04696 177 118 46 13
527 Recognizing the divine right of kings, let me start by saying immortality is overrated. 1.4068 0.05802 118 79 30 9
528 Delusions of grandeur is a side effect of that drug. 1.4055 0.04438 217 149 48 20
529 You have the greatest cholesterol and blood pressure, your highness. Anything else you want in this record? 1.4055 0.04533 217 151 44 22
530 Let' just say that the toast "Long live the King" might be inappropriate going forward. 1.4055 0.04139 217 143 60 14
531 So how are your movements when you're on the throne?" 1.4055 0.04390 217 148 50 19
532 Please keep in mind, I’m just the messenger. 1.4055 0.04486 217 150 46 21
533 Does it also feel heavy when you DON'T wear the crown? 1.4055 0.04291 217 146 54 17
534 Patients told us the old gowns made them feel undignified. 1.4055 0.04139 217 143 60 14
535 Would you say the pain is sharper than a serpent's tooth? 1.4047 0.04164 215 142 59 14
536 Your number of wives is higher than your sperm count, Henry. 1.4041 0.04602 193 131 46 16
537 So let me understand. You love the 'sparkly little crown' and the 'warm fuzzy robe', and outwardly you're the King. But somewhere deep inside, you'd rather be the Queen. 1.4038 0.04137 213 140 60 13
538 What new clothes? You are completely naked, your majesty. 1.4038 0.04396 213 145 50 18
539 Looks like HBO is only giving you three weeks to live. 1.4038 0.04137 213 140 60 13
540 Hemorrhoids can be ... well you know. 1.4038 0.04446 213 146 48 19
541 Let's put it this way...you're gonna need some extra help to raise the draw bridge. 1.4038 0.04346 213 144 52 17
542 I'm sorry to say that it looks like you called for your pipe too often. 1.4038 0.04346 213 144 52 17
543 The MRI says you have a merry old soul. 1.4038 0.04243 213 142 56 15
544 Our lab report indicates you suffer from a bout of acute anachronism. 1.4038 0.04446 213 146 48 19
545 Well, if you insist, I can call it a royal pain. 1.4038 0.04396 213 145 50 18
546 So for 3 years you believed you were king of the United States. 1.4038 0.04736 213 152 36 25
547 Have you given much thought to your successor? 1.4038 0.04396 213 145 50 18
548 You want me to write a letter saying you are the healthiest patient I've ever examined? 1.4038 0.04446 213 146 48 19
549 Under "Exam Requested" did you write "Regal" or "Rectal"? 1.4028 0.04526 211 146 45 20
550 You'll laugh at this: Her Majesty the Queen also just asked me to recommend a good poison. 1.4028 0.04721 211 150 37 24
551 A King’s ransom!? Wait until you get the anesthesia bill. 1.4028 0.04108 211 138 61 12
552 Is King your first name or your last name? 1.4028 0.04162 211 139 59 13
553 No, I wouldn't say you're fit for a king. 1.4021 0.04755 194 135 40 19
554 The good news is, there's an opening in the Kingdom of Heaven. 1.4010 0.04587 207 144 43 20
555 We have chlamydia 1.4010 0.04378 207 140 51 16
556 So tell me, when was your last royal flush? 1.4010 0.04378 207 140 51 16
557 Wait... what turned gold? 1.4000 0.04352 205 138 52 15
558 It could be feudal. 1.3981 0.04247 216 146 54 16
559 No, your majesty, blue blood is not a good thing. 1.3981 0.04224 206 137 56 13
560 No, 'long live the king' was not where I was going with this. 1.3981 0.04280 206 138 54 14
561 You can keep your crown on for the rectal exam, yes. 1.3981 0.04496 206 142 46 18
562 You have an Oedipus simplex. 1.3981 0.04389 206 140 50 16
563 First the good news. You’re a merry old soul. 1.3981 0.04335 206 139 52 15
564 I’m sorry to say but your blood is red. 1.3981 0.04496 206 142 46 18
565 So your highness... Is there an heir to the throne? 1.3981 0.04600 206 144 42 20
566 It seems you have everything! 1.3981 0.04335 206 139 52 15
567 No more pipe and bowl, and I'd like to see you to cut back to one fiddler. 1.3981 0.04443 206 141 48 17
568 The crown jewels seem quite healthy for a man your age. 1.3981 0.04548 206 143 44 19
569 Looks like the Prime Minister has cancelled you health insurance. 1.3981 0.04111 206 135 60 11
570 "I've always thought of 'royal pain' as more of a metaphorical term." 1.3981 0.04443 206 141 48 17
571 I feel like one of us is overdressed. 1.3975 0.05006 161 110 38 13
572 I'm sorry but it really is just a common cold. 1.3974 0.05154 151 103 36 12
573 Actually, the tests show you were side-swiped by a rook. 1.3971 0.04418 204 139 49 16
574 Ok so it says here you got 'sceptre' and 'suppository' confused... 1.3971 0.04579 204 142 43 19
575 You really to lay off the burgers, King. 1.3971 0.04308 204 137 53 14
576 Looks like you’ll need to rest on your laurels for a bit. 1.3971 0.04418 204 139 49 16
577 I wish I could say, “long live the king”, but this chart says otherwise 1.3971 0.04526 204 141 45 18
578 It appears that you "had it your way" too many times. 1.3971 0.04194 204 135 57 12
579 There's no easy way to say this, but you only have a few episodes left. 1.3969 0.05384 131 88 34 9
580 I'm sorry, but continuing treatment seems feudal. 1.3962 0.04352 212 145 50 17
581 Sorry, but this clearly shows that you have no clothes. 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
582 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Let's try a neck collar. 1.3960 0.04162 202 133 58 11
583 Monarchcare Part D does not cover viagra. 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
584 Your chest xray shows that you've called for your pipe too often. 1.3960 0.04448 202 138 48 16
585 Forgive me sire,but I don't think you were meant to eat all four and twenty blackbirds in one sitting. 1.3960 0.04392 202 137 50 15
586 I'm afraid your insurance company did not approve the procedure, your Majesty. 1.3960 0.04335 202 136 52 14
587 We have cancer. And by “we” I mean the royal “we”. And by the royal “we” I mean you 1.3960 0.04448 202 138 48 16
588 So you say your joints only ache when you reign? 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
589 I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're royally screwed. 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
590 A solid -gold penis is one of the negative side effects of your condition, King Midas. 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
591 But without them you would be the Queen. 1.3960 0.04871 202 146 32 24
592 So just for our records would you describe the pain as mild, moderate, extreme, or royal? 1.3960 0.04557 202 140 44 18
593 Let's just say you're not exactly the King of hearts. 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
594 It’s called Throne’s Disease. 1.3960 0.04220 202 134 56 12
595 Your genetics indicate you are related to the Romanovs, the Hapburgs, and the mascot of a popular fast food chain. 1.3960 0.04392 202 137 50 15
596 I’m afraid the tests came back positive for delusions of grandeur. 1.3960 0.04716 202 143 38 21
597 All the analysis confirm you are a royal pain 1.3951 0.04455 205 141 47 17
598 I'm not going to lie to you; it's Trump Syndrome 1.3949 0.05328 157 111 30 16
599 I’m afraid “witch’s curse” is not considered a pre-existing condition. 1.3941 0.04645 203 143 40 20
600 DNA results came in. You are the pauper! 1.3935 0.04292 216 148 51 17
601 Now, we just need a sample of the Royal Wee. 1.3935 0.04488 216 152 43 21
602 Now if you would please disrobe. 1.3929 0.04709 196 138 39 19
603 I have your test results, and now I know why they call you "Your Highness." 1.3929 0.04422 196 133 49 14
604 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but you have the common cold. 1.3929 0.04539 196 135 45 16
605 It appears to be a an Old King Cold. 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
606 Actually, your highness, in this context I do need you to wear no clothes. 1.3929 0.04363 196 132 51 13
607 I suppose I'd say you're fit...for a king. 1.3929 0.04302 196 131 53 12
608 I get that you're the Burger King, but try salad sometimes. 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
609 Unfortunately, you did not opt for the "Royal Package" insurance plan. 1.3929 0.04653 196 137 41 18
610 I'm afraid there's still no cure for democracy 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
611 Yes, Emperor, you must remove your clothes. 1.3929 0.04596 196 136 43 17
612 No, you can't lower your cholesterol by royal decree. 1.3929 0.04302 196 131 53 12
613 King or no King, you still need a colonoscopy. 1.3929 0.04539 196 135 45 16
614 So, your Highness, would you like to write my report of your annual physical again this year? 1.3929 0.05031 196 144 27 25
615 No you can't designate one of your subjects to suffer your gout for you. 1.3927 0.04250 191 126 55 10
616 Well, Mr. Cole, it seems you called for your pipe a little too often. 1.3927 0.04250 191 126 55 10
617 It’s about the family jewels... 1.3927 0.04623 191 132 43 16
618 You're in the wrong place. The dentist does crowns. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
619 Yes, hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
620 Are you seriously asking me to sign a letter saying that you are the physically fittest king there has ever been? 1.3927 0.04682 191 133 41 17
621 So, beheading the jester didn't help with your depression? 1.3927 0.04682 191 133 41 17
622 So, tell me a little bit about the medical history of the family members you've listed here, Ace, Queen and Jack. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
623 Well the good news is, your son gets to be king. 1.3927 0.04798 191 135 37 19
624 That’s all very fascinating, but I needed to know your MEDICAL history. 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
625 One of your Fiddlers Three has given you herpes. 1.3927 0.04682 191 133 41 17
626 Hmmm, your blue cell count is getting a little low 1.3927 0.04502 191 130 47 14
627 It IS good to be the King. It's just not good to be the King's cholesterol level. 1.3927 0.04623 191 132 43 16
628 Mr. President: your test results clearly indicate an allergy to reality. 1.3927 0.04855 191 136 35 20
629 The MRI proves it, Mr. President; You are delusional. 1.3927 0.05185 191 142 23 26
630 You do have a merry old soul. It's your ticker that's the problem. 1.3927 0.04623 191 132 43 16
631 This isn't the first scepter I've seen stuck there, and I'm sure it won't be the last. 1.3927 0.04314 191 127 53 11
632 Well, you might be royalty, but your cold is common. 1.3927 0.04563 191 131 45 15
633 You really ate four and twenty blackbirds, sire? With your ulcer 1.3927 0.04378 191 128 51 12
634 At the risk of losing my head, I have some bad news! 1.3924 0.05066 158 109 36 13
635 I need to know that you know what kind of crown replacement you're here for. 1.3906 0.04543 192 132 45 15
636 It has turned to gold. I told you to stop touching yourself. 1.3906 0.04778 192 136 37 19
637 Well, you really are the man who has everything! 1.3906 0.04543 192 132 45 15
638 When you say, we're about to die, is that the royal we? 1.3906 0.04483 192 131 47 14
639 The robe is meant to be worn with the opening in the back! 1.3906 0.04720 192 135 39 18
640 I don't care if you do behead me, that's not going to shrink your prostate. 1.3906 0.04297 192 128 53 11
641 Not every body part of a King is going to be king size. You are perfectly normal. 1.3906 0.04483 192 131 47 14
642 All these years of being a merry old soul has taken its toll. 1.3906 0.04297 192 128 53 11
643 I'm afraid '16th century monarch' is a preexisting condition. 1.3906 0.04603 192 133 43 16
644 Hmmm...I see that uneasy lies thy head. 1.3897 0.04374 195 132 50 13
645 Well Henry tell your wife not to worry it's just gas. Nothing to lose her head over. 1.3897 0.04493 195 134 46 15
646 You can wear the crown, but I will need you to remove your robe. 1.3895 0.04696 190 133 40 17
647 There isn’t an easy way to say this, but you’ve got about six months until checkmate. 1.3886 0.04216 193 128 55 10
648 And now you want me to put her head back on? 1.3883 0.04483 188 128 47 13
649 Do you know the difference between prostrate and prostate? 1.3881 0.04454 201 139 46 16
650 Do you have a robe that opens in the back? 1.3873 0.04461 204 142 45 17
651 I'm going to suggest you cut back on the knight life. 1.3871 0.05209 155 109 32 14
652 According to my DSM manual, you have what's called TDS, aka Trump Derangement Syndrome. 1.3862 0.04769 189 134 37 18
653 You may have called for your pipe and your bowl once too often. 1.3862 0.04464 189 129 47 13
654 You are the healthiest king in U.S. History. 1.3862 0.05111 189 140 25 24
655 I have bad news... Long live the next king! 1.3862 0.04709 189 133 39 17
656 Yes your majesty, claiming bone spurs should do the trick. 1.3862 0.04769 189 134 37 18
657 Your coverage is denied. A royal pain in the neck is a pre-existing condition. 1.3862 0.04336 189 127 51 11
658 I'm very sorry; it's democracy. 1.3851 0.04989 161 112 36 13
659 So you say your head feels "heavy"? 1.3850 0.04495 187 128 46 13
660 I'm afraid we'll have to delay the transfusion, Your Majesty. There's a shortage of blue at the blood bank. 1.3850 0.04621 187 130 42 15
661 Golden touch, you say? We'll do a tetanus shot just in case. 1.3850 0.04163 187 123 56 8
662 Bad news. We're looking at a deviated scepter. 1.3842 0.04382 190 129 49 12
663 Well, your majesty, I can't really do a thorough exam if I'm kneeling. 1.3842 0.04507 190 131 45 14
664 I'm sorry Your Highness, but we just don't have any way to turn you back into a frog. 1.3842 0.04806 190 136 35 19
665 But you don't have bone spurs, Donald. 1.3842 0.04806 190 136 35 19
666 Nothing to worry about. Your blood isn’t really supposed to be blue. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
667 It's a pleasure to finally meet the Single Payer. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
668 Sorry, your insurer said no one gets the royal treatment. 1.3842 0.04629 190 133 41 16
669 The good news is they're gold... the bad news is they're kidney stones! 1.3842 0.04689 190 134 39 17
670 The test results show that you are, indeed, a royal pain in the ass. 1.3842 0.04921 190 138 31 21
671 Lets start with the good news. All your horses and all your men are in great shape! 1.3842 0.04445 190 130 47 13
672 Your blue blood count is very low. I'm prescribing abdication. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
673 And by the way, you've got the gown on backwards. 1.3842 0.04382 190 129 49 12
674 Trouble on the throne, I see. 1.3842 0.04445 190 130 47 13
675 The problem is with the Royal Wee... 1.3842 0.04689 190 134 39 17
676 So you’re living like a king these days. How’s that working out? 1.3842 0.04629 190 133 41 16
677 You can keep the fiddlers but the pipe and bowl have to go. . . 1.3842 0.04445 190 130 47 13
678 Here's my note saying you've got bone spurs and can't meet with the president. 1.3842 0.04689 190 134 39 17
679 No, blue blood is not a good thing. 1.3842 0.04569 190 132 43 15
680 So you’re having problems on the throne? 1.3842 0.04253 190 127 53 10
681 So this is the statement you want me to read, Sire? "The king's health is excellent, because his overall health is excellent… He has incredibly good genes…. He is very, very sharp... Absolutely no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever!" 1.3842 0.04629 190 133 41 16
682 I recommend we cut it down to four and 10 blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.3842 0.04382 190 129 49 12
683 Sorry, your realm seems to be outside of our network. 1.3842 0.04187 190 126 55 9
684 It's a royal pain. 1.3838 0.04591 185 128 43 14
685 According to your provider, the deductible is half your kingdom. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
686 Your prostate being “king sized” is not a good thing. 1.3838 0.04395 185 125 49 11
687 All of your horses and all of your men can't make your liver alive again. 1.3838 0.04655 185 129 41 15
688 Research says you might change back into the frog when you die, so maybe remind her of how you met. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
689 I’m not sure I can prescribe viagra in good conscience, Oedipus. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
690 No, Mr. President, nobody else can tell it is you. 1.3838 0.04717 185 130 39 16
691 I'm afraid it's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The good news is you'll think this makes you especially special. 1.3838 0.04717 185 130 39 16
692 I’m afraid you’ve lost your touch. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
693 You see, His Majesty, when you learned that anything you touch turns instantly into gold, one would think that you'd have taken masterbation off the table. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
694 Your x-ray for bone spurs has been redacted. 1.3838 0.04840 185 132 35 18
695 When did you start to lose your touch? 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
696 You said there were four and twenty blackbirds baked in that pie? 1.3838 0.04259 185 123 53 9
697 Dressing as king notwithstanding, you still suffer from malignant narcissism, and you do NOT have unlimited authority or powers. 1.3838 0.05019 185 135 29 21
698 You do know that ' Long Live the King' doesn't mean forever, right? 1.3838 0.04527 185 127 45 13
699 Delusions aside, the theatre needs the costume back in time for tonight's performance 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
700 Good news, we found the scepter. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
701 It’s nothing more money can’t cure. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
702 Men your age often have difficulty drawing their swords from stones. 1.3838 0.04717 185 130 39 16
703 You can keep your robe on, but I need the opening in the back. 1.3838 0.04527 185 127 45 13
704 Your results from 23andMe indicate you are King of Mar-a-Lago but not King of America 1.3838 0.04960 185 134 31 20
705 Unfortunately. a King’ s ransom isn’t enough to cover your hospitalization. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
706 I don't think the "seditious mobs" will be placated by a doctor's note. 1.3838 0.04190 185 122 55 8
707 Your exam gown is on backwards. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
708 I'm afraid it's not just a pain, it's a royal pain. 1.3838 0.04591 185 128 43 14
709 Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Ed. You're screwed...royally. 1.3838 0.04779 185 131 37 17
710 So, just some numbness and tingling in the crown jewels? 1.3838 0.04328 185 124 51 10
711 First we need to separate the real pains from the royal pains. 1.3838 0.04591 185 128 43 14
712 This is never an easy thing to tell someone, but I'm afraid you have dissidents. 1.3825 0.04493 183 125 46 12
713 Yes, you're delusional. But the costume is authentic. 1.3825 0.04493 183 125 46 12
714 What causes it?... Inbreeding. 1.3825 0.04624 183 127 42 14
715 For this exam, the robe opens in the back. 1.3825 0.04559 183 126 44 13
716 My apologies King Edward, this seems to be Edward Kings chart. You don’t have syphilis. 1.3825 0.04689 183 128 40 15
717 Well, we can rule out the common cold. 1.3825 0.04493 183 125 46 12
718 Yes, you may leave the crown on. 1.3812 0.04592 181 125 43 13
719 I'm afraid being the "burger king" has finally caught up with you. 1.3812 0.04724 181 127 39 15
720 Unfortunately, it’s hereditary.” 1.3812 0.04724 181 127 39 15
721 That’s right, “delusions of grandeur.” 1.3812 0.04788 181 128 37 16
722 Your Highness, you may leave your crown and socks on....everything else off. 1.3812 0.04724 181 127 39 15
723 We believe it may have been something in the pie. 1.3812 0.04658 181 126 41 14
724 I'm so sorry, but you have end-stage obsolescence. 1.3812 0.04592 181 125 43 13
725 Your soul could be merrier. I'm ordering a 4th fiddler. 1.3812 0.04245 181 120 53 8
726 Actually, Your Highness, the gown is supposed to open at the back. 1.3812 0.04456 181 123 47 11
727 The good news is we got out the stone. The bad news, the sword is still in there. 1.3812 0.04915 181 130 33 18
728 Today, I'm sorry to say, it's not so good to be the king. 1.3812 0.04387 181 122 49 10
729 There’s no real treatment for a Royal Pain.... 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
730 I would cut back on your trips to White Castle. 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
731 It says here that you sprained your foot in a 'serfing' accident. Could you elaborate? 1.3807 0.04611 176 121 43 12
732 You're in good hands. They call me the King of Hearts, too. 1.3807 0.04818 176 124 37 15
733 Any other symptoms besides feeling like you'll lose your head any day now?" 1.3807 0.04395 176 118 49 9
734 Now,let's address your problems on the throne. 1.3807 0.04540 176 120 45 11
735 With these results, I'd recommend cutting out the pipe and the bowl. 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
736 Well, my Queen, the testosterone injections seem to be working. 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
737 Gout may be the disease of king's but I'm telling you it's a bunion 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
738 Your Ancestry DNA results are back. You're not the king. 1.3807 0.04951 176 126 33 17
739 Well, unlike the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, we don't have universal healthcare. 1.3807 0.04611 176 121 43 12
740 I am a little confused...you were injured during a game of thrones? 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
741 From the best we can tell, Mr. President, your geneologic lineage does not appear to be divine. 1.3807 0.05080 176 128 29 19
742 To you it may be a Royal Pain in the Ass, but to me it's just a common hemorrhoid. 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
743 We found the cause of your headaches and sleeplessness in Henry IV, Part II, Act III, Scene I: "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." 1.3807 0.04885 176 125 35 16
744 Well, so much for being a merry old soul. 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
745 I see they went all in on the new hospital gowns. 1.3807 0.04468 176 119 47 10
746 No, I'm afraid your manservant cannot take the colonosocopy for you! 1.3807 0.04540 176 120 45 11
747 I recommend getting your succession in order, quickly 1.3807 0.04681 176 122 41 13
748 The first name is Your, and the last name is Majesty." Is that correct? 1.3807 0.04951 176 126 33 17
749 Definitely no pipe, less bowl, and no more than two fiddlers. 1.3807 0.04818 176 124 37 15
750 Don't dwell on your limitations. You can still move in any direction. 1.3807 0.04681 176 122 41 13
751 I'll need a sample of the Royal Wee. 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
752 Ok then, how are "We" doing today? 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
753 Sorry to say, Your Majesty, but you are no longer ‘fit’ for a king. 1.3807 0.04611 176 121 43 12
754 The royal pain is where? 1.3807 0.04540 176 120 45 11
755 Let's just say the 'crown jewels' are just for show now. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
756 King of hearts? This electrocardiogram does not think so 1.3799 0.04825 179 127 36 16
757 Well, 'into each life some reigns must fall'. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
758 It definitely feels enlarged, but on a happier note, I think it's made of gold. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
759 Your Highness, you need to get more exersize or you'll be trading your kingdom for a hearse. 1.3799 0.04953 179 129 32 18
760 Your tests came back positive for a deviated scepter. 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
761 I'm sorry, but you are not really a king. But then, I'm not really a doctor. 1.3799 0.04889 179 128 34 17
762 your highness, it's your heinie 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
763 It's black lung, king Cole 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
764 I'm referring you to the coronary care unit. 1.3799 0.04825 179 127 36 16
765 There's no issue in particular causing your recent decline, you might just have a weak constitution. 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
766 That's funny. The Queen, Jack, and Ten have the same disease. 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
767 You may want to patch things up with your first born. 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
768 The test results are in , you just have a merry old soul. 1.3799 0.04625 179 124 42 13
769 If your head is lying uneasy, it's time to get a new crown. 1.3799 0.04417 179 121 48 10
770 Blue blood in your case is a preexisting condition.” 1.3799 0.04759 179 126 38 15
771 I'm afraid your condition is inherited. 1.3799 0.04417 179 121 48 10
772 Sorry, this time it's the the "Game of stones" 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
773 I'll need you to disrobe." 1.3791 0.04830 182 130 35 17
774 Emperor, remove your new clothes. 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
775 Disrobe. 1.3785 0.04520 177 121 45 11
776 We found 90% collusion. 1.3785 0.04660 177 123 41 13
777 I wish I could say “Long live the king!” but... 1.3785 0.04590 177 122 43 12
778 Well, King Midas, Sir, I'm afraid you really shouldn't have touched it. 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
779 I'm not a dentist, but I think you need a new crown. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
780 Sorry but we need more than “Son of Henry, first of his name” for blood work. 1.3785 0.04520 177 121 45 11
781 Thank you for your offer, but I'm not really sure that the title 'Earl of Proctology' will be that beneficial to my practice. 1.3785 0.04590 177 122 43 12
782 Good news! The crabs you have are king crabs. 1.3785 0.04795 177 125 37 15
783 Well, to you they're a royal pain in the ass. In this office, we just call them hemorrhoids. 1.3785 0.04448 177 120 47 10
784 No, sir, I’m not jesting when I say the proceedure will cost a king’s ransom. 1.3785 0.04795 177 125 37 15
785 I'm sorry, I can't fix your receding heir line. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
786 I'm afraid you have a case of delusions of grandeur, Mr. President. 1.3785 0.04992 177 128 31 18
787 I’ll start with good news. Fortunately, you have an hier apparent. 1.3785 0.04590 177 122 43 12
788 Well King Cole, it looks like your merry old sole may need Prozac. 1.3785 0.04660 177 123 41 13
789 No, vaccines didn't cause your autism, it was the thousand years of in-breeding 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
790 Why yes, Knighthood would be an acceptable form of payment. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
791 I see here you would rather be Queen. 1.3785 0.04928 177 127 33 17
792 First, the good news. It says here "long live the King". 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
793 You are the healthiest president in history Mr. Trump. 1.3785 0.04992 177 128 31 18
794 How much time do you spend on the throne? 1.3785 0.04520 177 121 45 11
795 So Midas--you say you're losing your touch? 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
796 You say you’re a-king all over? 1.3785 0.04928 177 127 33 17
797 No, your majesty, a ‘royal flush’ is something else entirely. 1.3785 0.04375 177 119 49 9
798 You'll have to go to the dentist for a new crown. 1.3785 0.04862 177 126 35 16
799 I suppose they would be considered “king crabs”. 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
800 So, you're not fit for a king after all. 1.3784 0.04647 185 130 40 15
801 I can give you a physical, but you'll need to see a dentist for the crown replacement. 1.3782 0.05172 156 111 31 14
802 There's nothing more we can do. It's checkmate. 1.3778 0.04468 180 123 46 11
803 You probably won't want to be giving anyone the Midas touch for about 6 weeks 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
804 Your blood is pale blue because you’re anemic. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
805 I see here that you noted your occupation as hereditary. 1.3771 0.05032 175 127 30 18
806 But on the bright side, your son won't be unemployed much longer. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
807 Have you considered naming a successor? 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
808 I recommend less time on the throne. 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
809 The retest shows the same thing. Two Jacks beat a King. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
810 I’m not sure how to say this... checkmate? 1.3771 0.04832 175 124 36 15
811 See if you can cut back to two and ten blackbirds. 1.3771 0.04331 175 117 50 8
812 We're very discrete at our fertility clinic, Let's just call it a heir transplant. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
813 No, you're not the burger king. They give the crowns to everybody. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
814 Those bone spurs are completely gone. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
815 What have you been up to? The lab report says king crabs. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
816 It says here you ate four and twenty blackbirds? 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
817 Your ancestry results came back, and I have some unfortunate news.... 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
818 Most of the test results look fine, but your blue blood cell count is a little on the low side. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
819 Just a bit of inflammation of the crown jewels. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
820 That's a very common location for a royal pain, but I'm going to refer you to a proctologist for further evaluation. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
821 Your mother and I both told you not to touch it. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
822 This is highly unusual for a man,but I'm afraid to inform you that you're crowning. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
823 Make me a knight, and I'll waive your deductible 1.3771 0.04832 175 124 36 15
824 She's right - you need to let other people eat cake. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
825 I said you are impotent, not important. 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
826 Other than “royal,” how would you describe your pain? 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
827 Looks like you've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.3771 0.04832 175 124 36 15
828 I have your diagnosis here. You're experiencing something we call "compassion". 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
829 Well, it appears that you’re Royally screwed. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
830 You can keep the fiddlers, but the pipe and bowl have got to go. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
831 That explains the blackbird beaks in your stomach! 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
832 Even you can't afford healthcare, Midas. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
833 This DNA test shows you father was the jester. 1.3771 0.04553 175 120 44 11
834 To clarify, 'your highness' refers to your elevated lab results. 1.3771 0.04900 175 125 34 16
835 I'm afraid you have it all. 1.3771 0.04764 175 123 38 14
836 I'm sorry, Henry, according to the DNA report, your father was the court jester. 1.3771 0.04480 175 119 46 10
837 I have your test results, and let's just say winter is coming. 1.3771 0.04624 175 121 42 12
838 Yes Sire, the Emperor's New Clothes still have to come off... 1.3771 0.04695 175 122 40 13
839 I'm going to refer you to an in-realm provider. 1.3767 0.05156 146 102 33 11
840 The good news is that we've located the scepter. 1.3764 0.04569 178 123 43 12
841 I'm sorry your majesty, but I cannot give you anything other than the full unredacted report... 1.3764 0.04773 178 126 37 15
842 Well, your dilemma over abdication is now academic. 1.3764 0.04904 178 128 33 17
843 I'm afraid it's spread through all the realm. 1.3764 0.04499 178 122 45 11
844 I'm sorry, but it seems that you're royally screwed. 1.3764 0.04969 178 129 31 18
845 So you’ve been experiencing trouble with your constitution? 1.3764 0.04773 178 126 37 15
846 'The good news is we found your scepter........." 1.3764 0.04773 178 126 37 15
847 I'm afraid your blood is blue. 1.3764 0.04356 178 120 49 9
848 The robe goes on the other way. 1.3764 0.04638 178 124 41 13
849 Lay off the Crown Royal. 1.3759 0.05185 141 98 33 10
850 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing hereditary syndromes. 1.3757 0.04586 173 119 43 11
851 Looks clean...no plague, pestilence, or mutiny. 1.3743 0.04543 187 131 42 14
852 This note from your quack says I’m supposed to pronounce you the healthiest 72 year old I’ve ever examined. 1.3743 0.04817 179 128 35 16
853 This is a very common ailment. Sorry. 1.3742 0.04498 155 103 46 6
854 I’m afraid your ‘royal pain in the ass’ is a pre-existing condition. 1.3742 0.04769 155 106 40 9
855 I'm afraid we've found a stone in your sword. 1.3741 0.05525 139 100 26 13
856 The Royal Wee is infecte 1.3740 0.05561 131 93 27 11
857 Based on your test results, its not so good to be King. 1.3736 0.04491 174 119 45 10
858 That's the normal location for a royal pain. 1.3736 0.04637 174 121 41 12
859 So, to which daughter did you want me to send the bill? 1.3736 0.04708 174 122 39 13
860 Your DNA test came back. The result is that you are 100% incest. 1.3736 0.04982 174 126 31 17
861 When you said your crown was loose, I thought you meant your tooth! 1.3736 0.04565 174 120 43 11
862 The gown opens in the back, your highness. 1.3736 0.04847 174 124 35 15
863 It says here your insurance won't pay for a new crown. 1.3736 0.05242 174 130 23 21
864 Well, the good news is that your DNA matches a fourth cousin of one of the Queen's chambermaids. 1.3736 0.04637 174 121 41 12
865 Well, mead is actually pretty high in triglycerides. 1.3733 0.04874 150 103 38 9
866 Your highness, I can’t write a letter that says you’re ‘astonishingly healthy’.” 1.3722 0.04859 180 130 33 17
867 Tell me -- what did Putin want from you when he promised to make you king 1.3722 0.04729 180 128 37 15
868 This is my first encounter with an actual royal pain. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
869 We’re going to need a royal wee sample 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
870 It's chlamydia. You shouldn't enjoy every dainty dish set before the king. 1.3721 0.04954 172 124 32 16
871 Maybe you had better tell me what you mean when you say, 'crown jewels.' 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
872 Your majesty, perhaps you misunderstood. The robe is to open in the back. 1.3721 0.05022 172 125 30 17
873 I was expecting an emperor with no clothes. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
874 We'll need a little more information besides The King." 1.3721 0.04815 172 122 36 14
875 It's not a royal pain in the ass- it's a hemorrhoid. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
876 No, the Magna Carta doesn't grant you unlimited referrals and out-patient services. 1.3721 0.04598 172 119 42 11
877 Good God, your blood really IS blue. 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
878 No...I said fatal, not Feudal! 1.3721 0.04744 172 121 38 13
879 All the scans came back negative but you're saying your head still feels heavy? 1.3721 0.04371 172 116 48 8
880 Your lab results came back positive. I'm afraid you're going to have to inform your previous queens. 1.3721 0.04371 172 116 48 8
881 Royal Pain in the Ass" is not a medical condition. Perhaps your subjects meant hemorrhoids 1.3721 0.04744 172 121 38 13
882 Well, you have very high cholesterol, a touch of gout, and a bit of megalomania —- so normal. 1.3721 0.04672 172 120 40 12
883 Sire, it looks like you won't be doing any more siring. 1.3714 0.04755 175 124 37 14
884 I understand that you can't afford insurance. 1.3706 0.04853 170 121 35 14
885 It says your blood is blue. 1.3706 0.04557 170 117 43 10
886 I'll be happy to announce that you are the healthiest king ever, aside from that bone spur problem. 1.3706 0.04924 170 122 33 15
887 You'll have to see a dentist, you may need a new crown 1.3706 0.04707 170 119 39 12
888 The robe and crown suit you, Mr. Trump. I'm a little curious about the beard 1.3706 0.04994 170 123 31 16
889 I'm afraid the pipe and bowl are generally contraindicated, but I can't see any harm in the fiddlers. 1.3706 0.04317 197 137 47 13
890 Sire, it gives me more than the usual amount of pleasure to ask you to turn around and bend over. 1.3699 0.04792 173 123 36 14
891 Heavy is the head that wears the crown" is right. You'll need corrective spinal surgery. 1.3699 0.04649 173 121 40 12
892 This is what I am to make public? "The King is in excellent health and will likely outlive all his detractors!" 1.3699 0.04792 173 123 36 14
893 In your case, it's not so good to be the King. 1.3699 0.04721 173 122 38 13
894 Let's start with fewer blackbirds in the filling. 1.3699 0.04649 173 121 40 12
895 Your results came back - you tested positive for regalia. 1.3699 0.04503 173 119 44 10
896 I'm sorry, but I told you what would happen if you touched it. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
897 When you said you had 10,000 men, I assumed you were referring to your army. 1.3699 0.04427 173 118 46 9
898 I'm afraid you're only a President. 1.3699 0.04930 173 125 32 16
899 No, you don’t get a lollipop. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
900 I am confused by your request. I am not a dentist and you already have a crown. 1.3699 0.04351 173 117 48 8
901 It seems that your actually a Queen. 1.3699 0.04721 173 122 38 13
902 It seems to be some sort of royal pain... 1.3699 0.04649 173 121 40 12
903 Unfortunately, Divine Right does not protect you from from acute sinusitis. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
904 So, everything is now turning to silver? 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
905 Under health insurance you wrote "food taster"... 1.3699 0.04351 173 117 48 8
906 And now this is the time for the Emperor to REALLY have no clothes. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
907 Emperor’s “new clothes” or not, I still need you to disrobe. Really. 1.3699 0.04861 173 124 34 15
908 It's bad news. The colonoscopy confirms you're full of s**t 1.3690 0.04667 168 117 40 11
909 And how long has your head been lying uneasily? 1.3690 0.04432 168 114 46 8
910 Has anyone in your family been a king? 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
911 It may well have looked a dainty dish, but four and twenty blackbirds have played havoc with your digestion 1.3687 0.04676 179 127 38 14
912 Everything seems fine, however, your blood appears to be blue. 1.3687 0.04399 179 123 46 10
913 I see here that your temperature is slightly elevated, and you've been perspiring, but I'd just call it a Royal Flush. 1.3684 0.04822 152 105 38 9
914 But, Emperor, I do not agree with the other doctor who diagnosed you. I'm here to tell you that you DO have clothes on. 1.3684 0.05171 152 109 30 13
915 Well, you just feel like a young man. You're so young. I can't believe it. You're the youngest person. You are a young, vibrant man. 1.3680 0.05851 125 91 22 12
916 With your cholesterol, I’d work on being the “Salad King.” 1.3675 0.04625 166 115 41 10
917 You should have a dentist look at your crown. 1.3675 0.04703 166 116 39 11
918 It appears you will long live. 1.3675 0.04780 166 117 37 12
919 Queen, you say? For just one day? 1.3675 0.04856 166 118 35 13
920 No , I can't accept serfs as a co-pay. 1.3675 0.04703 166 116 39 11
921 Sorry Your Majesty. It’s just the common cold. 1.3675 0.04780 166 117 37 12
922 It seems that you're sick with power. 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
923 So, before we review your diagnosis, It would probably be good to make sure that the line of succession is properly established. 1.3670 0.04640 188 135 37 16
924 I’m not risking a prostrate exam King Midas. 1.3669 0.05417 139 100 27 12
925 This says you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3667 0.04519 180 126 42 12
926 You've avoided the dentist for 25 years because you didn't want your crown replaced? 1.3667 0.04587 180 127 40 13
927 No it’s the same rule: it opens and ties up in the back. 1.3667 0.04450 180 125 44 11
928 Well Bob, I think you're royally screwed. 1.3667 0.05909 120 87 22 11
929 You seem pretty fit, for a King. 1.3659 0.04497 164 112 44 8
930 When did you first experience these delusions of grandeur? 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
931 Well the family jewels look fine but I still need to check out your testicles 1.3659 0.04740 164 115 38 11
932 Well, your account has gone to collection, so that pretty much confirms that the grandeur is a delusion. 1.3659 0.04497 164 112 44 8
933 Don't worry Sir, unlike our American President, you ARE fully clothed. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
934 Can you describe this Royal Pain in the Ass? 1.3659 0.04971 164 118 32 14
935 I would say "long live the king", but looking at your results... 1.3659 0.04660 164 114 40 10
936 Your Highness, the robe should open in the rear please. 1.3659 0.04740 164 115 38 11
937 It appears you have a small uprising in your pancreas." 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
938 It is a bit irregular, but of course I can use the term 'crown jewels' if you prefer. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
939 Very common actually. In fact you’re my third royal pain in the ass this week. 1.3659 0.04971 164 118 32 14
940 We're going to have to remove the crown jewels. 1.3659 0.04579 164 113 42 9
941 There is a treatment, but it'll cost you a King's ransom 1.3659 0.04497 164 112 44 8
942 Yes, Mr. President, I do insist on the therapy at this point. 1.3659 0.05045 164 119 30 15
943 Despite your title, your Majesty, it is not good to have a king-sized prostate. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
944 Your family history indicates your condition may be hereditary. 1.3659 0.04660 164 114 40 10
945 I found your missing sceptre. 1.3659 0.04660 164 114 40 10
946 You put the robe on backwards. 1.3656 0.04673 186 134 36 16
947 It says here you remember being a frog. 1.3653 0.04680 167 117 39 11
948 I'm sorry Your Highness but we no longer accept coin of the realm. 1.3653 0.04832 167 119 35 13
949 What's your line of succession situation looking like? 1.3642 0.04935 162 116 33 13
950 Cut back on the mead. 1.3642 0.04777 162 114 37 11
951 Recovery will be slow; you’ll have to take it one square at a time. 1.3642 0.04856 162 115 35 12
952 Well you may have pulled that sword out of the stone, but it looks like you’ve also got a hernia. 1.3631 0.05025 168 123 29 16
953 I'm afraid your x-rays indicate a deviated scepter. 1.3631 0.04954 168 122 31 15
954 Yes, we give everyone the royal treatment 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
955 Your scepter is where? 1.3629 0.05649 124 89 25 10
956 I appreciate the offer but no, I'm not interested in a cabinet slot and yes, you're still obese. 1.3626 0.04890 171 124 32 15
957 I see you have a family history of beheadings. 1.3625 0.04975 160 115 32 13
958 The chart from your referring physician has 'Royal Pain' highlighted and underlined several times. 1.3625 0.05054 160 116 30 14
959 I’m sorry,... but Mr Dumpty didn’t make it. 1.3625 0.04732 160 112 38 10
960 We'll on the positive side Midas, looks like we wont be needing to issue any more prescriptions for Viagra. 1.3625 0.04815 160 113 36 11
961 Show me on the chart where King Midas touched you 1.3625 0.04975 160 115 32 13
962 Asking you to disrobe won't mean you are abdicating. 1.3625 0.04649 160 111 40 9
963 Regardless, it’s still called “Nursemaid’s Knee”. 1.3625 0.04815 160 113 36 11
964 Really hate to tell you this, but it looks like the royal treatment didn’t work. 1.3625 0.04975 160 115 32 13
965 I'm sorry, but the lab report has confirmed you do not in fact have a merry old soul. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
966 No sir, an elective procedure has nothing to do with letting 'the peasants' vote. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
967 Do you go to the throne in the middle of the night? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
968 I think we can solve your digestive problems with a royal flush. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
969 According to your insurance company, "royal pain" is not covered. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
970 Good news. The urine test came back as the royal wee. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
971 I said 'Disrobe.' 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
972 Get plenty of rest, and try to avoid sitting on any walls. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
973 The results of your tests show you to be the second healthiest person on earth. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
974 I don’t doubt that he’s willing, your majesty, but I’m afraid that having your groom undergo the colonoscopy for you is just not an option... 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
975 You’re allergic to your robe. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
976 You have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
977 You can keep the bowl and the fiddlers, but the pipe has to go. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
978 No, I said you ARE a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
979 Huh. It says that "we" have the measles. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
980 Yes it is, and it's king-sized. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
981 So...you're saying that everyone else sees your clothes, but you don't? 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
982 I know you are the King, but once a knight is enough. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
983 It appears you're way overdue for the royal flush. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
984 You have blue blood. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
985 Well, I'm sorry, but sovereign immunity is only a legal concept. 1.3620 0.05136 163 120 27 16
986 Is there any woman in the realm that we don't have to contact? 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
987 I can see why you were concerned about the crown jewels. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
988 How long have you had this royal pain in your ass? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
989 You’ve got a royal staff infection. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
990 Long live the king might be a bit premature. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
991 'The test results show that you're royally screwed." 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
992 The lab came back with "checkmate". 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
993 You’re fine. It’s Lionheartburn. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
994 To be honest I only dress like a doctor. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
995 I'm afraid the test results show you suffer from a superiority complex. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
996 'Your head is lying uneasy, we suspect the cause is your crown.' 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
997 Ok, Your Majesty, this is a bit awkward but, about that royal pain in the ass... 1.3620 0.04422 163 111 45 7
998 And just how much time are you spending on the throne? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
999 This is what we call a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04507 163 112 43 8
1000 It's perfectly normal to wake up in the morning feeling feudal. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1001 Thy penchant for meade hath rendered thee crapulent. 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
1002 Could you please disrobe? 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1003 You should't have glued it on. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1004 Hum, your tests results actually do show you have blue blood. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
1005 I'm afraid you'll have to switch to peasant-sized candy bars. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
1006 Looking at your family history, you're at an increased risk for premature beheading. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1007 I can't turn it back from gold, but you can use it to pay your deductible. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
1008 Unfortunately, it has to do with your family jewels. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1009 Here are the test results. You're royally screwed. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1010 I'm afraid you've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.05136 163 120 27 16
1011 I think you need to see a dentist. Your crown needs to be replaced. 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1012 You know the old mantra, 'long live the king'? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1013 Before we discuss your DNA ancestry results, can I ask what possessed you to order them? 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1014 I don't think all your horses and men can get you out of this one. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1015 There is currently no known cure for a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1016 Normally I’d recommend chemotherapy. But in your case, I’m thinking let’s give leeches a try. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1017 I didn’t say you ARE one, I said you HAVE one. 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
1018 You have a deviated scepter. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1019 Hmm... I'd like to run some more tests on your wenceslas. 1.3620 0.05352 163 123 21 19
1020 Of course I’ve chosen my heir... why do you ask?! 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1021 Well, the tests have confirmed it, sir. You do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3620 0.04909 163 117 33 13
1022 So, you’ve been spending a lot of time on the throne? 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1023 The x-rays confirm recent speculation, your highness: no indication of a heart. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1024 After you drink the colonoscopy prep liquid, stay close to the throne. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
1025 Your checkup has turned into a checkmate. 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
1026 Sure. We'll call it king-size. 1.3620 0.04986 163 118 31 14
1027 I am to surgically remove your opposition? 1.3620 0.04832 163 116 35 12
1028 Where exactly is your royal pain? 1.3620 0.04590 163 113 41 9
1029 Well, let me put it this way: All of your horses and all of your men would have the same problem with you. 1.3609 0.05000 169 124 29 16
1030 First the good news. I believe the prince is already competent to rule. 1.3609 0.04784 169 121 35 13
1031 The technical term is 'prostate exam', but sure, if you insist, we can call it a 'royal pain in the ass'... 1.3608 0.05175 158 116 27 15
1032 Severe frostbite in both feet, Mr. Wenceslas " 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1033 You seem to have a royal flush. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1034 The tests show you suffer from excessive Delusions of Grandeur. You're not only not a king, you're a really lousy President. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1035 Your Majesty, the 'family jewels' on your head are not the ones I need to check. 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1036 So you spend a lot of time on the throne? 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1037 Take it slow for now... try not to move more than one square at a time. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1038 Good news, you'll live to see your kingdom collapse. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1039 Mr. President, you’re going to have to remove your robe. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1040 The nurses thought our patients felt too vulnerable in the regular hospital gowns. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1041 Well, these numbers officially qualify you as “Old” King Cole. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1042 Unfortunately, it's a hereditary condition 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1043 I'm going to need the robe to open to the back... 1.3608 0.04419 158 107 45 6
1044 I'm sorry your Highness, but even the royal hospital gown must be worn to open in the back. 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1045 I'm sorry, but it's still just a common cold. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1046 Sorry, your Majesty, it's about the other crown jewels. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1047 I think you should go back to your old career, Santa. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1048 I'm sorry, but the x-ray shows that except for the robe you have no clothes. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1049 I’m afraid your insurance does not cover the royal treatment. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1050 It seems like you had it your way one too many times. 1.3608 0.04598 158 109 41 8
1051 I'm sorry, your Majesty. It's a royal pain in the ass. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1052 Midas, you have to stop playing with yourself. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1053 Before I give the results, what exactly qualifies as 'bearer of bad news'? 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1054 Pomp and circumstance is fine...but in moderation. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1055 Bad news, I’m afraid. You have the common cold. 1.3608 0.04770 158 111 37 10
1056 Mmm, I see. You have a royal pain in the ass? 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1057 You have to wear a paper gown just like everyone else. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1058 Since you didn't adopt Medicare, this will probably come to about half your kingdom. 1.3608 0.05097 158 115 29 14
1059 So you say you're spending too much time on the throne. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1060 Well, delusions of being a king -in a democracy- used to be a rare disorder... 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1061 Too much time on the throne? 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
1062 The Royal We needs to eat less and exercise more. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1063 Do you want the good proclamation or the bad proclamation? 1.3608 0.04419 158 107 45 6
1064 No mention of blue blood in your lab tests. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1065 Somewhere in an alternate universe...a King suffers from the delusion that he is Donald Trump 1.3608 0.05404 158 119 21 18
1066 I’m afraid you’ve been a little too merry, your Majesty. 1.3608 0.04936 158 113 33 12
1067 We need to get your peasant numbers down. 1.3608 0.04598 158 109 41 8
1068 The queen says I have a problem with kingdom comes. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1069 Too many Whoppers! 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1070 It appears you inherited the disorder from your father. 1.3608 0.05404 158 119 21 18
1071 What you have is an inherited condition. 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
1072 The deductible is half your kingdom. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
1073 Is the crown always on when you get a headache? 1.3605 0.04578 172 121 40 11
1074 Have you chosen your successor? 1.3602 0.04708 161 113 38 10
1075 Just out of curiosity, who is next in line for the throne? 1.3602 0.04870 161 115 34 12
1076 The nurses insisted we get nicer robes, but I think the crown might be a bit much. 1.3602 0.04870 161 115 34 12
1077 This too, shall pass. 1.3595 0.04601 153 105 41 7
1078 Your blood test shows you really have blue blood. 1.3595 0.04784 153 107 37 9
1079 Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover the royal treatment. 1.3595 0.05047 153 110 31 12
1080 And now, if Your Majesty will turn around, it’s time for our tour of the Royal Dungeon.” 1.3595 0.05131 153 111 29 13
1081 The good news is democracy is dead and you're not 1.3595 0.04784 153 107 37 9
1082 You're a tolltaker, Mr. Johnson, so my diagnosis is "Delusions of Grandeur." 1.3595 0.04784 153 107 37 9
1083 I must repeat my warnings not to touch it Mr Midas 1.3595 0.05047 153 110 31 12
1084 John, I know it's Halloween but... 1.3595 0.04873 153 108 35 10
1085 It's not a nothing burger. Your cholesterol is a real whopper. 1.3595 0.05047 153 110 31 12
1086 Your blood pressure is through the roof. You need to stop stressing about McDonalds and Wendy's. 1.3595 0.05131 153 111 29 13
1087 I see you’ve been tasting your own food. 1.3595 0.04961 153 109 33 11
1088 You know about long live the king? Well... 1.3595 0.04693 153 106 39 8
1089 And how often do you call for your pipe? 1.3590 0.04893 156 111 34 11
1090 And about how many times a week are you on the throne? 1.3590 0.04543 156 107 42 7
1091 I'm so sorry your majesty, but blackbird pie is not part of a low-cal diet 1.3590 0.04721 156 109 38 9
1092 Tell the New Yorker editor that he needs to spend more time correcting the typos in these caption contests. 1.3590 0.05453 156 118 20 18
1093 We've run the DNA test. Jack is not your son, but the joker is. 1.3590 0.04893 156 111 34 11
1094 You can call for your bowl, and your fiddlers three, but forget that pipe. 1.3590 0.04893 156 111 34 11
1095 I guess it wasn't her prima nocta after all. 1.3590 0.04808 156 110 36 10
1096 And how often does this happen when your on the throne? 1.3590 0.04808 156 110 36 10
1097 Delusions of grandeur notwithstanding, I'm afraid your siring days are over. 1.3590 0.04721 156 109 38 9
1098 I'm afraid your ego will have to be removed. 1.3590 0.05141 156 114 28 14
1099 On a scale of 1 to 10, how much sharper than a serpent's tooth be it? 1.3590 0.05141 156 114 28 14
1100 Let’s just say things are looking good for your son’s promotion 1.3590 0.04977 156 112 32 12
1101 The procedure is illegal. However, because you have the power to pardon, we will proceed. 1.3590 0.04543 156 107 42 7
1102 I've got your test results and I am afraid "long live the king" might be a tad optimistic 1.3585 0.04910 159 114 33 12
1103 How many times a week do you typically pillage and plunder? 1.3585 0.05070 159 116 29 14
1104 The test results are in; you ARE a royal pain in the ass. 1.3578 0.06322 109 81 17 11
1105 The analysis shows that your blood is red, not blue. So the diagnosis is that you are not king, but color blind. 1.3576 0.05176 151 110 28 13
1106 And who is your insurance provider? 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1107 No, your insurance does not cover taste testers for your prescriptions! 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1108 Heavy IS the head that wears the crown and slipped are the discs in your spine. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1109 I'm afraid your highness, it's the common cold. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1110 Fortunately, your prostate numbers are low and your prostrate numbers are high. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1111 Have it your way. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1112 I understand you've had bad experiences being naked in public, but I do need you to undress for the exam. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1113 Crohn's, not crowns. 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1114 We still need to see your insurance card. 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1115 Congratulations, on finally getting health insurance. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1116 Mr. Jones, that is not the robe we left out for you. 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1117 Well first I'd recommend you cut out the Imperial margarine 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1118 Looks like a textbook case of Type II Noblesse Oblige. 1.3571 0.04387 154 104 45 5
1119 Says here you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1120 I'm sorry, but this says that you are out of network. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1121 On the plus side, they do call gout the "king's disease." 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1122 It’s not as painful as having a red-hot poker inserted into your posterior as befell your ancestor King Edward II - but it could sting. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1123 It's called "irritable crown" syndrome. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1124 We're hoping these new gowns will help patients feel less vulnerable 1.3571 0.04577 154 106 41 7
1125 Would you mind putting the robe on backwards? 1.3571 0.04483 154 105 43 6
1126 I'm afraid you're suffering from 'Trump Syndrome'. Very common these days. 1.3571 0.05103 154 112 29 13
1127 King Shming. You are NOT allowed to bring your own examination gown. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1128 As I predicted, your blood isn’t actually blue. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1129 Let's hold off on anymore 'empire-expansion,' until that blood pressure settles down a little bit. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1130 I hate to break it to you, but 'long live the King' isn't going to apply to you" 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1131 It’s called Trump Syndrome 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1132 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, the jester shouldn’t take the prostrate exam for you. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
1133 It says here, that you are blackbird intolerant. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1134 Well, the good news is your clothes are real. 1.3571 0.04483 154 105 43 6
1135 On a scale from 0 to 10 how bad is your Royal pain in the ass today? 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1136 Gout" is probably not your real issue here, Mr. Finkelstei 1.3571 0.05267 154 114 25 15
1137 Unfortunately your cardiogram reveals an incipient interregnum. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1138 According to the files, you’re adopted! 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1139 What you're describing sounds like a royal pain in the ass. 1.3571 0.05019 154 111 31 12
1140 Brace yourself, it’s a whopper. 1.3571 0.05019 154 111 31 12
1141 Your people do prostrate themselves, but that's not exactly what I had in mind. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1142 'Check up?'.. No, I am afraid it says 'checkmate'. 1.3571 0.04669 154 107 39 8
1143 The initial tests revealed no obvious heart weakness, but I'm afraid it is as you suspected: you've been trumped. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
1144 I’ll need Your Highness to put that robe on with the opening to the backside, alright? 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
1145 You must tell my subjects that I am the healthiest individual ever chosen to be King. 1.3571 0.05186 154 113 27 14
1146 The royal jewels need a little help. I'll write a prescription. 1.3567 0.04783 157 111 36 10
1147 And tell me — what kind of work do you do? 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
1148 What was your preferred pronoun? 1.3567 0.04783 157 111 36 10
1149 I'm telling you -- contrary to what you think, blue blood is NOT a good sign. 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
1150 Have you considered a career outside of fast food? 1.3567 0.04951 157 113 32 12
1151 About this golden touch...you know it applies to everything, right? 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
1152 I figured out your diagnosis - you don’t have a jolly old soul. 1.3567 0.04697 157 110 38 9
1153 Are you sure you want your DNA results? 1.3567 0.04697 157 110 38 9
1154 About your coronated arteries... 1.3550 0.04389 169 117 44 8
1155 You are allergic to ermine... 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
1156 Time for a new food taster. 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
1157 Looking at your charts, and Article 1 Section 9.4 of the Constitution, you're lucky to still be here. 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
1158 I'm sorry your majesty, you will have to wear the Royal robe so it opens in the back. 1.3548 0.04460 155 106 43 6
1159 Yes, a royal pain would be job related. You can file a claim. 1.3548 0.04992 155 112 31 12
1160 These stabbing pains your getting, could they be coming from your heirs? 1.3544 0.04758 158 112 36 10
1161 Sire, shall I prostrate myself before checking your prostate? 1.3533 0.04836 150 106 35 9
1162 according to these tests, you are only 1/1024 Native American. 1.3533 0.05106 150 109 29 12
1163 Congratulations! Due to your recent weight loss we no long have to refer to you as in the royal we. 1.3529 0.06017 102 73 22 7
1164 Tell you what, Midas, if you just touch a few more things in here, I’ll waive the bill. 1.3529 0.04680 153 107 38 8
1165 Now you’re in my counting house. 1.3529 0.05796 119 87 22 10
1166 Cut down on that blackbird pie: it's undercooked and explains that stomach warbling. 1.3525 0.05573 122 88 25 9
1167 Do you have insurance?" 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
1168 Unfortunately, you're out of network. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1169 I'm sorry, but your HMO denied your claim to the throne. 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1170 It's really your call whether or not to include your bastards as next of kin. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1171 I'm afraid it's checkmate this time. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1172 I'm afraid to have to inform Your Majesty that there are side-effects to being a merry old soul. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1173 I'm afraid it's checkmate in two 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1174 You've got heirs, right? 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
1175 I'd like you to see a Middle Ages specialist. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1176 Turns out that being a Royal pain-in-the-ass isn't covered by insurance. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1177 I don't care if you are king, it's still time for the finger. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1178 You say you passed a golden what!? 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1179 I know you're the king but the people may insist on seeing this report without all the redactions 1.3510 0.05332 151 113 23 15
1180 It's not the delusions I'm worried about as much as the abuse of power. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1181 I'm afraid it's checkmate! 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1182 Well, yes, it can be hereditary. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1183 No, I mean your blood is actually blue. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1184 I'm sorry to say that your blood is the same as the people 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1185 I know who you are, but it’s just a common cold. 1.3510 0.05332 151 113 23 15
1186 I'm afraid this is not the kind of stone you can pull a sword out of. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1187 Which throne are you talking about? 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1188 We’re recommending a complete coronoscopy. 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
1189 Are you certain you live in the White House? 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1190 Unfortunately, the Round Table let its group health plan lapse. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1191 You're the second healthiest person in the world 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1192 It's not just you — absolute monarchy as a concept is dying. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1193 I can be discrete and designate the hemorrhoids as 'Royal pain-in-the-ass' if you'd prefer, Your Highness. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1194 ...in your crown jewels you say? 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1195 Despite the findings of my esteemed colleagues at 23 and me, your blood is neither blue nor regal, I'm afraid. Just 'O' negative. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1196 OK, I guess it is similar, but I’d still prefer you wear the gown we gave you 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1197 That scepter's not coming out without some surgery. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1198 When I told you that you need a crown I meant to go to your dentist. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1199 It appears you have an autocratic-immune disorder. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1200 I'm afraid "bloodletting" is no longer being covered by your HMO. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1201 How long have you had this "uneasy head" pain? 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1202 I'm afraid you have a developing constitution 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1203 We need to talk about your family Jewels... 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1204 I am sorry, but it’s time for you to call for your fiddlers three. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1205 Yes, you can be a king and a Republican, your problem is cholesterol, though 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1206 There's not much that we can do about your blue blood. It seems to be genetic. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1207 Well, King you have hemorrhoids...or as you put it 'a royal pain in the ass' 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1208 Let them eat cake in moderation. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1209 There's no easy way to say this. I'm afraid it's checkmate. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1210 Turns out, it's not so great to be the king. 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1211 It's just the commoner cold. 1.3510 0.05249 151 112 25 14
1212 Pardon me, Your Highness, but I think issues with the family jewels should be discussed with His Majesty's Royal Gemologist. 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1213 Your results came back, would you like them positive or negative? 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1214 Medically speaking, what you have is a royal pain in the ass. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1215 You do look good Arthur, but it’s time to ease away from that round table. 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
1216 Sorry, "Delusions of Grandeur" is a pre-existing condition. 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1217 Sharp? Dull? Stabbing? Throbbing? What do you mean exactly by "royal pain"? 1.3510 0.04990 151 109 31 11
1218 You're not a merry young soul anymore. 1.3510 0.04810 151 107 35 9
1219 A daily dose for a week should 'crush the rebellion,' as you say 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
1220 I do not believe we have a cure for "A Royal pain in the butt." 1.3510 0.04717 151 106 37 8
1221 Once we started charging concierge service prices we couldn't just provide a plain paper gown. 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
1222 I’m sorry Your Highness, the royal insurance only covers gout and the Plague. 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
1223 Without a doubt, your Majesty, I can confirm that my fee will definitely be a tad more than two chickens and a bushel of apples. 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
1224 Follow up in 100 years. 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
1225 Sorry, but your subjects' insurance plan doesn't cover dependents. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
1226 Well, you've got a King sized prostate too. 1.3493 0.05012 146 105 31 10
1227 When I said you needed a crown, I was talking about your tooth! 1.3493 0.05012 146 105 31 10
1228 That’s not the robe I asked you to put on 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
1229 Last month you were Santa Claus. I think you’re getting better. 1.3490 0.04658 149 104 38 7
1230 The crown jewels appear to be normal. 1.3490 0.04755 149 105 36 8
1231 Chosen by god isn’t a good insurance policy 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
1232 So you say you're having trouble raising your royal scepter? 1.3490 0.04459 149 102 42 5
1233 I suspect you're suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3490 0.04658 149 104 38 7
1234 I think it will be okay to keep your bowl and your fiddlers three, but I would suggest you give up the pipe. 1.3490 0.04849 149 106 34 9
1235 I must say, that’s the best looking crown I’ve ever seen...Who’s your dentist? 1.3490 0.05122 149 109 28 12
1236 Your dysfunctional crown jewels are preventing you from getting royally screwed. 1.3469 0.05345 147 110 23 14
1237 The good news is, according to these tests, your rightful place IS on the throne.. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1238 You are, without a doubt, the healthiest individual I have ever examined! 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1239 Let's just say you probably don't want to release these results to the public. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1240 You have the best health of any king who ever lived, but you need to stop worrying about building a tower in Moscow! 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1241 Does the Queen Mother know you want a vasectomy? 1.3469 0.05345 147 110 23 14
1242 You must put aside your pipe and your bowl. You may keep your fiddlers three. 1.3469 0.04695 147 103 37 7
1243 Sharp as a serpent's tooth you say. 1.3469 0.04387 147 100 43 4
1244 Charles, your mother is fine. 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1245 Your co-pay is a king's ransom 1.3469 0.05431 147 111 21 15
1246 Seems to me you have a touch of the Midas. 1.3469 0.04595 147 102 39 6
1247 No, there's no cure for decapitation. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1248 We've upgraded the hospital gowns for people who pay in cash 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1249 The DNA test is back; you're not the heir. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1250 This is the worst case of anachronism I've ever seen. 1.3469 0.05167 147 108 27 12
1251 Well, the good news is that your soul is still merry. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1252 Before I perform a colonoscopy, you may want to use the throne. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1253 Look Midas, I warned you before that masturbation wasn’t a good idea 1.3469 0.05257 147 109 25 13
1254 It's the worst case of Throne's Disease I've ever seen. 1.3469 0.04793 147 104 35 8
1255 I'm sorry but apparently inherited royalty counts as a pre-existing condition, so they've turned down your coverage. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1256 Pain in the ass is actually quite common in your demographic. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1257 Sorry. No coverage for crown removal 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1258 You describe this as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3469 0.05257 147 109 25 13
1259 Well, you’re fit but not for a king. 1.3469 0.05167 147 108 27 12
1260 Get rid of the pipe and the bowl, but you can keep the fiddlers. 1.3469 0.04280 147 99 45 3
1261 No, it's just a regular pain in the ass. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1262 It says here that you've lost your touch. 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1263 Midas, you're way overweight. How many times a week do you touch yourself? 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1264 As best as I can tell,you actually have a royal pain in the ass 1.3469 0.04984 147 106 31 10
1265 I think that your hemorrhoids are the result of your sitting on the throne too long 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
1266 I’m not sure ‘deductible waived by royal decree’ is going to fly. 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
1267 Let me get this straight, under diet you've put "100% flame grilled beef"? 1.3469 0.05167 147 108 27 12
1268 I’d relinquish the throne for something more ergonomic. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1269 According to this chart, you're sitting on the source of your pain. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1270 You seem to be suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1271 So....do you have a succession plan in place? 1.3467 0.04822 150 107 34 9
1272 Your 23 and Me is not going to make the prince happy. 1.3448 0.05121 145 106 28 11
1273 Well, if you didn't wear it so much, your head wouldn't lie so uneasy. 1.3448 0.04525 145 100 40 5
1274 You have a royal pain. 1.3448 0.04732 145 102 36 7
1275 As I explained, Sir, you didn’t win the popular vote, you won the Electoral College. 1.3448 0.04832 145 103 34 8
1276 Unfortunately we seem to have different ideas of "coronary." 1.3448 0.04930 145 104 32 9
1277 It looks like it may be Crown's disease. 1.3448 0.05352 116 82 28 6
1278 This is your invoice, Mr. Midas. You're going to need that golden touch after all. 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1279 Yes Sir, your crown jewels are fine" 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1280 King Crabs, but feel free to get a second opinion. 1.3446 0.04955 148 107 31 10
1281 Suffice it to say the crown jewels are diminished. 1.3446 0.04669 148 104 37 7
1282 Well your blood test came back. A nice shade of royal blue 1.3446 0.04766 148 105 35 8
1283 I'm afraid your days of living like a king are over. 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1284 Not to worry. ‘Blue Blood’ is just an expression 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
1285 According to these tests, you have a royal pain in the butt. 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
1286 your last doc refers to you here as a royal pain in the ass 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
1287 Your blood work may explain that blue feeling you've been having. 1.3446 0.04955 148 107 31 10
1288 I’m afraid that means I’ll have to catheterize the royal “we.” 1.3446 0.04669 148 104 37 7
1289 My diagnosis: avoid Burger King for a while. 1.3441 0.06751 93 70 14 9
1290 I can't examine the royal pain in the ass until you turn that robe around. 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1291 I have bad news, you are royally screwed. 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1292 I appreciate you dressing up, Mr. Trump, but this is really just a routine examination. 1.3427 0.05167 143 105 27 11
1293 How long have you been in this country? 1.3427 0.04973 143 103 31 9
1294 Regarding that royal pain: Thou doth prostate too much, methinks. 1.3427 0.04973 143 103 31 9
1295 Let’s consider bloodletting as our last option. 1.3427 0.05167 143 105 27 11
1296 Your merry old soul could do with some exercise. 1.3427 0.04450 143 98 41 4
1297 You will still need to turn your head and cough 1.3425 0.05450 146 111 20 15
1298 We accept Medicare, Medicaid, but I’m afraid not MediKing. 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1299 'Well, statistically, all of your horses and all of your men will be of no use in this matter.' 1.3425 0.04706 146 103 36 7
1300 I wonder if the nurses will be confused with your request for a “Royal Flush”..... perhaps we should stick with “enema” 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1301 How long have you felt this way, Mr. Trump? 1.3425 0.05274 146 109 24 13
1302 No, not a "Tudor..." 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1303 Yes, your highness, your hemorrhoids could accurately be described as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1304 It's just a royal pain. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1305 The gown has to open at the back and all jewelry has to be removed 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1306 I find no evidence of a "merry old soul." 1.3425 0.04805 146 104 34 8
1307 Who is responsible for your bill? 1.3425 0.05183 146 108 26 12
1308 Looks like you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1309 You just had a coronary, not a coronation! 1.3425 0.04706 146 103 36 7
1310 Your Highness, I think we have a prostrate issue. 1.3425 0.04500 146 101 40 5
1311 Well, it came back positive. What did I tell you about playing with the Queen of Hearts? 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1312 No worries your highness, it’s just a royal pain. 1.3425 0.04706 146 103 36 7
1313 Your cardiogram indicates you have a heart of gold. 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1314 Have you heard the term “short live the king”? 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1315 It smelled like everyone else's, your majesty. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1316 Your condition is from spending too much time on the throne. 1.3425 0.04902 146 105 32 9
1317 In your subjects' defense, Your Imperial Majesty, you weren't wearing this robe over your new clothes at the press conference. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1318 When was the last time you went to the throne? 1.3425 0.04604 146 102 38 6
1319 Do you ever experience delusions of grandeur? 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1320 It looks like you’re allergic to ermine. 1.3425 0.05183 146 108 26 12
1321 It appears to be just one of those royal pains one hears so much about. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
1322 I'd suggest you lay off the burgers. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1323 I like to say that you are fit for a king,but the results say otherwise 1.3425 0.04805 146 104 34 8
1324 Well, I've figured out where that royal pain is. 1.3425 0.04805 146 104 34 8
1325 While preliminary, the tests indicate an ermine allergy. 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
1326 Your majesty, I don’t know if I can state unequivocally, that you are the healthiest individual ever crowned ruler of this Kingdom. 1.3423 0.05196 149 111 25 13
1327 Not to worry, you are not my first royal pain in the ass. 1.3423 0.04835 149 107 33 9
1328 Mr. Trump, test results confirm, you have completely morphed into a royal pain in the ass. 1.3423 0.05452 149 114 19 16
1329 You're all set for your medical marijuana card, Your Highness. 1.3423 0.04835 149 107 33 9
1330 It looks like you have a digestive tract issue, 'Throne's Disease". 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
1331 Yes, indeed, our fees are fit for a king. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
1332 I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, but your lab results fail to show even a trace of blue blood. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1333 If you keep sitting all day on that iron throne, they'll never clear up without better cushioning. 1.3415 0.05636 123 91 22 10
1334 Your blood's not blue, sire. 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1335 There's no easy way to say this, Jim—I'm afraid you've had a massive coronation. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1336 Maybe try eating more like a prince. 1.3404 0.04809 141 100 34 7
1337 Today, it's not so good to be the king. 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1338 Are you here for the royal treatment? 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1339 Turns out that you're not immortal 1.3404 0.04594 141 98 38 5
1340 I'm sorry, King Midas, but once it has turned to gold, I can't do anything about it. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1341 Whether we could put him back together or not, the Humpty Dumpty bill is still past due. 1.3404 0.04809 141 100 34 7
1342 Unfortunately, King Midas, we all lose some powers as we age. Hopefully, your credit card is still valid. 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1343 You have a condition called “affluenza.” 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1344 Well we did all the tests, but everything came back normal, so my prognosis is it’s just an old king cold. 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1345 I understand, but “long live the King” is not a royal medical command. 1.3404 0.04809 141 100 34 7
1346 DNA tests confirm that the man who tried to kill you and then marry your wife, is unfortunately your son. 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1347 On the bright side, we can name it after you 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1348 No Mr. King, you can't have it your way. This is a prostate exam. 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1349 Maybe you could 'call for your pipe' a little less. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1350 I'm sorry to say that you are not very fit for a king. 1.3404 0.05498 141 107 20 14
1351 It appears you are suffering from obsolescence 1.3404 0.04594 141 98 38 5
1352 You'll have to knock off the blackbird pie. 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1353 It says here you are having trouble 'abdicating the porcelain throne'? 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1354 Here's the doctor's note you requested. 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1355 For now, just stop touching things 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1356 Might the queen be turning the thermostat down? 1.3404 0.04594 141 98 38 5
1357 You know that thing where everything you touch turns to gold? Well... 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1358 You're too old, King Coal. 1.3404 0.04703 141 99 36 6
1359 You’re going to have to layoff the Crown Royal for awhile your highness. 1.3404 0.04703 141 99 36 6
1360 You’ll have to eat fruit for your constipation or have an enema... and we know that a royal flush always beats a pear 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1361 "Smoke one pipe, have one bowl then call for the fiddlers's three. 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
1362 Is that your excuse for missing your last six appointments, you've been away at the Crusades 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1363 Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do about your receding heir line. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1364 "Your Na and K are normal, but there's a spike in your Au 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1365 Good news! For your transplant we have a lion heart available. 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1366 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. We're afraid it's encephalitis. 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
1367 Turns out that royal pain in the ass is just a hemorrhoid 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1368 You’re in luck, Obamacare covers pre-existing conditions. 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
1369 The test results are back. Check Mate! 1.3404 0.05116 141 103 28 10
1370 The good news is that we've found the cause of your migraine headaches. 1.3404 0.04703 141 99 36 6
1371 Yes, well, unfortunately, your prostate is king sized, too. 1.3404 0.04914 141 101 32 8
1372 Tests show your crown is too tight. 1.3403 0.05041 144 105 29 10
1373 You're lactose intolerant, Sire, so no more beheading food tasters, ok? 1.3401 0.05418 147 112 20 15
1374 I suggest spending less time on the throne. 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
1375 Even so, the opening of the robe goes in the back! 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1376 This is a ransom note... 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
1377 But in your majesty's case I'd hardly call it the common cold. 1.3401 0.04679 147 104 36 7
1378 May I ask why you beheaded the royal physician? 1.3401 0.04874 147 106 32 9
1379 Bone spurs 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
1380 Tests indicate presidential privilege has gone to your head 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
1381 I understand you feel it is a royal pain, but sciatica is fairly common. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1382 When did these delusions of grandeur start? 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
1383 Golden touch isn't covered by your insurance, but the good news is you can probably meet your deductible. 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
1384 You'd feel much better if you could get your neighbors to build a big, beautiful wall around the castle. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1385 Amazing! Everything I touch turns to shit. 1.3401 0.05062 147 108 28 11
1386 Scepter elbow! 1.3401 0.04579 147 103 38 6
1387 You look drawn. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1388 The good news is it’s not cancer. The bad news is it’s bubonic plague. 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
1389 I'm not calling them that 1.3394 0.06004 109 81 19 9
1390 Definitely Biden's syndrome. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1391 Well Midas, it’s like this ... 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
1392 So, you complain about being hot all the time. Have you thought about taking off your royal robe? 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
1393 So you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders! Have you tried not wearing your crown? 1.3382 0.04920 136 97 32 7
1394 Yes, dividing the realm among your three daughters will definitely lower your stress level. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1395 Wow when did we get these new robes for patients? 1.3381 0.05060 139 101 29 9
1396 Your highness with all due respect , you might want to rethink the phrase: Long live the king! 1.3381 0.04849 139 99 33 7
1397 I recommend that you cut back to 2 and 10 blackbirds. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1398 I'm putting you on a blackbird-free diet 1.3381 0.04849 139 99 33 7
1399 I am a bit concerned about the gold level in your stool this year. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1400 How long have you felt unworthy? 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1401 I’d like to say Long Live the King, but … 1.3381 0.05262 139 103 25 11
1402 It looks like your complaint of a Royal Pain in the Ass, is actually a thrombosed hemorrhoid. 1.3381 0.04515 139 96 39 4
1403 Exercise, get a good night’s sleep, and hold off on the blackbirds. 1.3381 0.05262 139 103 25 11
1404 I'm sorry but I cannot report you are the all-time healthiest king. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1405 I think your crown is causing your migraine headaches. 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
1406 Well Your Majesty, the crown seems to be the cause of all your headaches. 1.3381 0.04741 139 98 35 6
1407 Well, the bad news is you have only about six weeks to live, but the good news is you have a merry old soul . 1.3381 0.04515 139 96 39 4
1408 I would like to give you the results, but they’ve been redacted by your staff. 1.3381 0.05456 139 105 21 13
1409 Sorry, it looks like you forgot to enroll in Medicare. 1.3381 0.05456 139 105 21 13
1410 Sorry for the bad news, but your blood is actually red. 1.3381 0.04741 139 98 35 6
1411 I'm sorry, but your coverage ended when you were deposed. We'll have to ask for cash payment now. 1.3381 0.04629 139 97 37 5
1412 Let me put it this way, you're royally screwed. 1.3381 0.05360 139 104 23 12
1413 When was the last time you had an abdication? 1.3381 0.04741 139 98 35 6
1414 Seems you have restless subject syndrome. Survival rates vary. 1.3381 0.05060 139 101 29 9
1415 The pipe and bowl make your old soul merry, Mr. Cole, but they're doing nothing good for your cardiovascular system. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1416 Im sorry, Mr. Miller, but your labs just dont show any blue blood. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
1417 I was a bit surprised it wasn't gout. 1.3380 0.05085 142 104 28 10
1418 Didn’t the nurse tell you to disrobe? 1.3379 0.04613 145 102 37 6
1419 I'm afraid you're wearing the robe backwards. 1.3378 0.04751 148 106 34 8
1420 It supposed to open in the back 1.3378 0.04553 148 104 38 6
1421 Your bloodline is high 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
1422 Your Majesty, I'm afraid the 'Royal We' has not yet met this year's deductible. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1423 Unfortunately, based on these test results it is not good to be the King. 1.3361 0.05374 119 86 26 7
1424 The good news is that your dynasty is in good health, Your Highness 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1425 According to these record, your last physical was during the Crusades. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1426 It appears you've contracted a nasty case of affluenza. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1427 Bobby, the problem appears to be between your ears. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1428 Your a happy meal away from the golden arches in the sky. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1429 I'm OK with the fiddlers three, but you need to cut back on the pipe and the bowl. 1.3358 0.04665 137 96 36 5
1430 It's called Osteoporosis... but yes, Lame of Bones is more regal. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1431 You must be Mr. King my 10 o'clock appointment? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1432 I 'm sorry it looks like you are suffering from Crowns Disease 1.3358 0.05411 137 103 22 12
1433 Unfortunately, your merry old sole has a bunion ! 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1434 Any new royal pains: plague, pox, flux, gout, hemophilia, gangrene, syphilis? Are you using sunscreen regularly? 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1435 In your case, it's not good to be the king ... 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1436 So I see in your history you used to be a merry old soul? 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1437 Take off everything except your underwear, socks and crown. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1438 I’m afraid it’s hereditary. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1439 ''I'm sorry, but this is New York City so I have to ask you, who are you and what the hell are you doing here?'' 1.3358 0.05411 137 103 22 12
1440 It says here that you’re suffering from an inferiority complex. Have you spoken with the Queen?” 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1441 ... I’m afraid not, you’ll need a rear opening robe for this procedure. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1442 Purim is over, Sid. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1443 If I do decide to give you a work excuse, who would I send it to?” 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1444 I’m afraid you can’t rule out anything at this point your majesty. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1445 No mention of health insurance in the Magna Carta 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1446 You are the healthiest king in the history of the world. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1447 So, how long have you been having delusions of grandeur? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1448 You can look at it either way. You have the king of diseases or the disease of kings but it’ still requires a hefty shot of penicillin. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1449 If you can, please take a royal wee... 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1450 It seems you’re allergic to gold and fur. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1451 It's whatever you want it to be. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
1452 Well I'll be damned, it really is blue. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1453 You really could avoid all of these embarrassing problems if you would just first make sure that you are sitting on the correct throne! 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1454 The shoes did nicely. So the crown should almost pay for the surgery. 1.3358 0.05606 137 105 18 14
1455 To be fair, aren’t all your pains royal? 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1456 King Midas, I told you if you touched it, the consequences would be worse than going blind 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1457 Sorry to tell you this, King Midas, but THAT'S one thing you shouldn't have touched. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1458 You have king crabs. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1459 The results suggest it is time to name an heir 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1460 I'm afraid your royal flush is a big deal. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1461 Try to reign in your anger a bit Your Majesty, ruling with an actual iron fist is not meant to be taken so literally! 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1462 But what if the cholesterol doesn't accept the fact that it is banished? 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1463 No, no, by 'emperor of all maladies', I meant cancer. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1464 No. Even your horses and men couldn't cure this. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1465 Slide the rook two squares left, and you'll be fine. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1466 I don't care what Ancestry.com says. You have a common cold. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1467 Your family jewels are now worthless. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1468 Well, you're in considerably better shape than another tyrant I treat. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1469 I'm afraid I have to insist you change into the robe we gave you. 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1470 The results show you still have a merry old soul. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1471 You don’t need to dress up to impress me. I don’t work here either. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1472 For this, you can’t get a second opinion from the Supreme Court. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1473 How long do you sit on the throne? 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1474 No, 6 wives is enough. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1475 Let's give the pipe, bowl, and fiddlers three another try 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1476 You have a very old soul. 1.3358 0.04779 137 97 34 6
1477 There's no easy way to say this, your majesty. but in my professional opinion, your throne will be vacant within 6 months. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1478 The consensus was to surgically remove your ego. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1479 we were told the paper gowns were undignified. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1480 You need me to pull Excalibur out of where? 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1481 A little less time on the Royal Throne will help those hemorrhoids. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1482 Well, anyone who eats four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie is bound to get indigestion, Your Majesty. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
1483 I think you've been spending too much time on the throne. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1484 Your merriness ceased, you say, when you received my last bill? 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1485 A royal pain it is, your Hiney, I mean Highness. 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1486 It isn’t who you think it is. Your father is... the Burger King. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
1487 It seems to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1488 Have you been having thoughts of regicide? 1.3358 0.05209 137 101 26 10
1489 Are you familiar with the term 'Thy Kingdom Come' ? " 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1490 Just as I suspected, you’re suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1491 You said the symptoms started in the 14th, or 15th century? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1492 Donald, Owning an empire is only in your mind. 1.3358 0.05606 137 105 18 14
1493 So much for long live the King 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1494 There were two other kings, two queens and a jack in here with the same thing you have. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1495 Well there is some good news: you DO have new clothes. 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
1496 No, Sire, not Guillotine, quarantine. 1.3358 0.04890 137 98 32 7
1497 yes, well, the good news is that we managed to remove three-and-twenty beaks from your colon. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1498 Well sire, it looks like your old soul isn't going to be so merry this year. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
1499 Your blood seems to be shifting to red at an alarming rate. 1.3357 0.05230 140 104 25 11
1500 ...but do you have health insurance? 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1501 Perhaps the double Whopper wasn't such a good idea. 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1502 Are you having trouble with the Royal We? 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
1503 It says that you turned my nurse into gold. 1.3333 0.05074 138 101 28 9
1504 What do you mean, "WE are feeling fit as a fiddle"? 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1505 According to this, you blood is actually red. 1.3333 0.04932 135 97 31 7
1506 Doc, have you heard of King Derangement Syndrome? Asking for a friend. 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1507 I got your blood tests. Seems like it’s blue. 1.3333 0.05734 108 79 22 7
1508 It seems you don't have insurance, but we'll accept your ransom. 1.3333 0.05151 135 99 27 9
1509 Yes, we could remove the crown, but have you thought through the political implications 1.3333 0.05204 120 86 28 6
1510 Sorry. For a moment I misread this as calling for a change in your regime. 1.3333 0.04792 141 101 33 7
1511 I wouldn't worry, King Charles. Your mother, Elizabeth, lived 'till 104. 1.3333 0.05040 126 90 30 6
1512 It's your choice - leeches or a colonoscopy! 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1513 Ironically, Monarch Insurance rejected your claim to the throne. 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
1514 I see here that you have a history of being a merry old soul but you’re going to have to give up the pipe and the bowl if you want that to continue. 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1515 Harvey, I know that gout is the disease of kings but this is a bit melodramatic 1.3333 0.05164 126 91 28 7
1516 Unlike the rest of your kingdom, you seem to be in fine shape. 1.3333 0.05040 126 90 30 6
1517 Just how royal is this pain? 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
1518 Don't kill the messenger... 1.3333 0.04702 135 95 35 5
1519 "I'm afraid that I can't accept the Prime Minister's word that your prostate feels just fine." 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1520 Sir, I don't care what you are the king of. You can't wear that crown in the MRI. 1.3333 0.04702 135 95 35 5
1521 That' right sir, cash paying patients are treated like royalty. 1.3333 0.04818 135 96 33 6
1522 Good news. Your lab test indicates 100% blue blood . 1.3333 0.04726 144 103 34 7
1523 Have you been eating blackbirds? 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
1524 Fiddlers are fine, but more grains in the bowl. And no more calling for your pipe. 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
1525 Even with divine right, your copay is still $100. 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
1526 After looking at your test results I have to say, you are royally screwed 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
1527 I agree heavy is the head, but you still need to lose a few pounds. 1.3333 0.04751 138 98 34 6
1528 So, you're saying you fell on your scepter? 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
1529 Is there an eldest male heir we should inform? 1.3333 0.05151 135 99 27 9
1530 And if someone asks you to "pick your poison" again, tell them you're not thirsty. 1.3310 0.04899 145 106 30 9
1531 You know at some point I'll need to check out the Crown Jewels. 1.3310 0.05091 145 108 26 11
1532 Dear God, has my nurse explained how I check the prostate? 1.3310 0.04868 142 103 31 8
1533 It looks like we need to refill your plunder prescription. 1.3310 0.04868 142 103 31 8
1534 No, no, it’s a dentist you want to see! I don’t do crowns. 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
1535 Normally, I'd say 'Long live the king,' but these cholesterol numbers beg to differ. 1.3309 0.04789 136 97 33 6
1536 Your test results indicate that it's NOT always good to be the king. 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
1537 I'm afraid you've only got 6 months left to rule. 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
1538 We are not going to be amused... 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
1539 Have you tried investing in a standing throne? 1.3309 0.05011 136 99 29 8
1540 Well, the good news is that you can start taking ‘Long Live the King’ less seriously. 1.3309 0.05528 136 104 19 13
1541 Tell me more about the royal pain in Your Majesty's ass. 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
1542 I'm sorry, the DNA test shows that you have the Formica touch. 1.3309 0.05119 136 100 27 9
1543 Historically, Toxic Patriarchy Syndrome has not been especially responsive to treatment. 1.3309 0.04789 136 97 33 6
1544 Where exactly is this Royal pain? 1.3309 0.05429 136 103 21 12
1545 Your tests reveal that you're sorely lacking in the royal jelly. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1546 You really should have come to me before killing your third wife. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1547 Have you traveled outside your fiefdom recently? 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1548 You are fit to serve your highness, but I do recommend you see a jester three times a week , these are dark times. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1549 This diet will kill you. But have it your way. 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1550 Our tests confirm that it's just a royal pain in the ass. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1551 You say you’re spending HOW much time on the throne? 1.3308 0.04618 133 93 36 4
1552 Your grace, I'm afraid the gown is on backwards. 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1553 It is a Royal pain in the ass. 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
1554 So you fell off your Porcelain Throne? 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
1555 Blackbirds. Again. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1556 You're obese, King Trump. 1.3308 0.05620 133 102 18 13
1557 So, how long have you had this "royal pain?" 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1558 Ok, "royal" isn't a blood type. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1559 Your Majesty has a case of the king crabs. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1560 You can call for the fiddlers three, but the pipe and the bowl gotta go. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1561 When did you start feeling that you were in control? By the way I love your outfit! 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1562 You may be fit for a king but you're not fit enough for anyone else. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1563 The copay is quite reasonable, just a few duchies and six emeralds. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1564 Four and twenty? Baked in a what? 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
1565 These data show that you are truly the King of Hearts 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1566 Huh, everything you touch, you say? 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1567 I think you have been sitting on the wrong throne too long. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1568 Prune juice before you sit on the royal throne.' 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
1569 Let me get this straight: "You're the healthiest king ever. If you lose a couple of pounds, you might live to be 200." 1.3308 0.05517 133 101 20 12
1570 I think it was four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1571 ALl the tests came back normal, so I can only conclude it’s just a royal-pain-in-the-ass 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1572 Your head is uneasy. 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1573 Take two eyes of newt and call me in the morning. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1574 Your father had hemorrhoids, too--one of the downsides of being a sitting king. 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1575 Did you fire your jester? Your blood pressure is way up. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1576 Says here, you're suffering from delusions of grandeur... 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
1577 your subjects have diagnosed you as a royal pain in the ass ..... 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
1578 You see, it's about your family jewels. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1579 The examination reveals that actually, you have no clothes. 1.3308 0.04975 133 96 30 7
1580 How's the Succession Planning? 1.3308 0.04740 133 94 34 5
1581 Well, the good news is that it’s curable. But it’s gonna take a King’s ransom to meet your deductible before year’s end. Any chance your wife has a better plan with her employer? 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1582 First off, you'll need to put that robe on the other way. 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1583 Sir, your gout IS very serious. “The King’s disease” is just a colloquial term.. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1584 We used to have paper gowns that opened in the back. 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
1585 The x-rays confirmed you aren't wearing clothes. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1586 Your lab tests are screwed up, and I mean royally. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1587 The knights want a psychiatric review? 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1588 I'm sorry to say that every treatment we've tried has failed. It's a feudal situation. 1.3306 0.05085 124 89 29 6
1589 Without insurance this treatment will cost you a King's Ransom. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
1590 Considering your symptoms, I’m surprised to find you sitting. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1591 I don’t care if it ‘looks noble’, your urine should not be purple. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
1592 Of course the good thing is, it's good to be King, but the bad thing is it won't be for long if you continue your present life style. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1593 Looks like you're royally screwed. 1.3304 0.05200 115 82 28 5
1594 Royal pain in the neck... a long pour of Louis XIII should do the job. 1.3304 0.05200 115 82 28 5
1595 Your head has to come off 1.3304 0.05344 115 83 26 6
1596 You have to disrobe. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
1597 You were instructed to put your gown on with the opening to the back. 1.3288 0.04773 146 106 32 8
1598 Sorry, reversing a warlock curse is not covered by Medicare. 1.3287 0.04940 143 105 29 9
1599 Oh, you've been sitting on THAT throne a lot lately too? 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1600 I'm an OB/GYN, Bob, I deal with a very different type of crowning. 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
1601 Speaking as your dentist, that crown has got to go. 1.3285 0.05493 137 105 19 13
1602 Hmm. Your past medical records are redacted. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1603 Yes, I literally mean you're going to need a king's ransom to pay this hospital bill. 1.3285 0.05394 137 104 21 12
1604 King Lear, I'm sorry, but the results don't look good. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1605 I'm afraid you're allergic to ermine, Your Majesty. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
1606 Megalomania...it's been going around. 1.3285 0.04981 137 100 29 8
1607 No, genetic results from “23 and Me” do not prove royal lineage. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
1608 Prostateum Examinum 1.3284 0.05482 134 102 20 12
1609 The Queen wants me to prescribe the little blue pills and some hearing aids. 1.3284 0.04829 134 96 32 6
1610 Your ailment seems to be worsening Donald. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
1611 The stethoscope makes you look a little pretentious. 1.3284 0.04466 134 93 38 3
1612 So, you say these everyday objects.... they're not turning to gold any longer. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1613 Can you at least put the robe on with the opening in back? 1.3282 0.04654 131 92 35 4
1614 We'll be consulting with Dr. House. Or Dr. Castle, as you keep referring to him. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1615 You really need to quit calling for your pipe. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1616 I understand you've been experiencing a royal pain in the ass. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1617 Royalty? I'm afraid not. Your father was a saxophone player from Detroit and your mom worked the assembly line at Ford. 1.3282 0.05358 131 98 23 10
1618 Sorry, sir, you cannot have it your way. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1619 King or no king,you still have to cough. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1620 Somebody's been looking for love in all the wrong Renaissance fairs." 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1621 There's nothing wrong with you. Glenda Jackson's just a better actor. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1622 I understand it’s royal, but on a scale of one to ten how would you describe your pain? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1623 That's quite a detailed family history. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1624 So these uneasy feelings only occur when you wear the crown? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1625 Well, the way I read it, the report seems to indicate that there is no obstruction. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1626 That’s not exactly what I meant by ‘having it lanced.’ 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1627 It means from now on you’re the Salad King. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1628 Ummm... a royal flush is different than a colonoscopy 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1629 According to the test results, your blue blood count is a little high. 1.3282 0.04900 131 94 31 6
1630 Well, King Midas, there is nothing to be ashamed about masturbation in itself... 1.3282 0.05358 131 98 23 10
1631 Sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but, it's not the queen's fault. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1632 You said you have a few flagons of mead a day, how large exactly is a flagon? 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1633 We have your results, and we are not amused. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1634 I’m afraid your insurance won’t cover this procedure. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1635 So you're saying you touched it and it turned to gold? 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1636 Is there any family history of bubonic plague? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1637 You’re condition is definitely hereditary. 1.3282 0.04900 131 94 31 6
1638 You say you contracted this STD as a result of "droit de seigneur"? 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1639 You're not exactly fit for a king. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1640 Well, the test was clear...no problems with the royal wee 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1641 Well, your Highness, the bowl is no problem, the fiddlers three are fine , but you have to give up the pipe. 1.3282 0.04654 131 92 35 4
1642 Our tests show nothing but the Oracle of Delphi recommends 2 aspirin and plenty of bed rest. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1643 Confidentially, it’s you who can’t have children.” 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1644 I've reviewed your GI series; it's definitely​ the four and twenty blackbirds. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1645 Your heart and lungs sound good and the statins are keeping your cholesterol under control. My biggest concern is your family history of beheadings. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1646 So you say we're alike, because I think I'm god and you think you're a king? 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1647 You want to become Queen for a Day? 1.3282 0.05573 131 100 19 12
1648 You have Whopper Withdrawal Syndrome. I See this a lot in retired Burger Kings. 1.3282 0.05358 131 98 23 10
1649 So lets see here your last physician was beheaded... 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1650 I regret to inform you that your blood is not really blue, Mr. King. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1651 Yes mr. Jones, your Royal-Dulux-platinum plan provides for a crown and ermine examination robe, but you’ve got it on backwards.., 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1652 I’m going to let you eat cake for now. 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1653 I’m willing to state for the record that you’re relatively healthy for a man of your age, but I cannot ‘proclaim you to be the healthiest king of all time’ 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1654 Our tests reveal that your crown is too tight. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1655 You don’t have the right insurance for the royal treatment. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
1656 Turns out, it's oligarchy 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1657 Well I hope it has been good to be king. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
1658 I 'm sorry to tell you...there's no more oats to sow. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
1659 It says, here, you have a merry old soul. 1.3281 0.05096 128 93 28 7
1660 No.This is not the Mueller report. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1661 Well, the tests confirmed it. It's definitely a royal pain. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1662 Clearly you are the King of hearts. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1663 It's cancer. You're royally screwed. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself. 1.3277 0.05483 119 88 23 8
1664 Just because you've killed your brothers, sisters, wives and children doesn't mean you need an antidepressant. I think of doing precisely the same most days. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1665 I’m just saying, a couple of laps around the moat wouldn’t hurt. 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
1666 You have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1667 Your cholesterol is fine, but your blood has highness. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1668 The royal we could stand to lose a few pounds. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1669 Yes, it is a royal pain in the, ah... 1.3274 0.05821 113 85 19 9
1670 I said colitis, not collusion. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1671 A royal pain in the ass could be several things. 1.3269 0.06025 104 78 18 8
1672 Well, your Majesty, the good news is that your blood work is fine. Your genetic analysis, however, indicates that you are not of the trump suit and therefore the Queen wins. 1.3263 0.06250 95 71 17 7
1673 You're allergic to gold. 1.3262 0.04982 141 104 28 9
1674 I believe you'll benefit from the new medicinal marijuana laws, Your Highness. 1.3261 0.04950 138 101 29 8
1675 I see nothing to account for your troubles on the throne. 1.3261 0.05159 138 103 25 10
1676 I'm afraid you have to stop living like a king. 1.3258 0.05213 132 98 25 9
1677 According to the genetic test, all of your ancestors on both sides were first cousins or closer. Kind of makes you the village idiot, albeit with a crown. 1.3258 0.05323 132 99 23 10
1678 You won't be such a merry old soul when I give you these results 1.3258 0.05101 132 97 27 8
1679 Blood work looks good. The lab says they have never seen a more beautiful shade of blue. 1.3258 0.04986 132 96 29 7
1680 We can definitely rule out the common cold. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1681 It's a rare type of rash called royal flush. 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1682 I'm not sure I undertand. It says in your file that you are here to have a crown repaired. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1683 You may or may not have to give up the throne soon." 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1684 I’m gonna have to send you for a psych eval. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1685 I'm afraid we don't accept your insurance. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1686 So, looks like you've had a few bad Knights 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1687 Sorry, I couldn't find a drop of royal blood in your sample 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1688 An increased diet of fiber will help lessen the amount of your time spent on the throne. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1689 No, I’m afraid your blood was red, like everyone else’s . 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1690 Take one before raising the drawbridge. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1691 looks like you a have a touch of Midas 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1692 Command of your bladder is also slipping away.” 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1693 Your tests revealed an inflated ego and a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1694 I don’t write prescriptions for medical marijuana, Your Highness. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1695 I don't care what your wife said. A royal pain in the ass is not a medical diagnosis. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1696 It's a royal pain, but we can correct it. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1697 What you call "a royal pain in the ass" we call hemorrhoids 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1698 So, your chief complaint is uneasy lies the head that wears the crown? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1699 What do you mean you don't have an employer covered health plan? 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1700 “Your Majesty, the X-ray report does confirm what the kid said: you are not wearing any clothes.” 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1701 Your guess is correct your Highness, the Royal Jewels have deflated and will no longer rise in value. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1702 On your way out, King Midas, be sure to hold onto all the guard rails. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1703 Unfortunately, you're allergic to ermine. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1704 I think I know why you’ve been spending so much time on the throne. 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1705 Do you want the truth, the whole truth, or anything but the truth? 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1706 What kind of doctor takes notes? I say beware of doctors who take notes. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1707 Yes, yes, you could have inherited it. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1708 Maybe try swimming around the moat once in a while? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1709 It says here that you used to be a merry old soul. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1710 Your regalia is low. How's your retinue? 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1711 Guess what? Reign wasn't the only hereditary thing in your family. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1712 Mmhmm, and how long have you been feeling this sense of nobility? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1713 You said you eat how many hamburgers a week?!?!? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1714 Rest, plenty of liquids and I’ll see you back here in a fortnight. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1715 Unfortunately, "Have it Your Way" doesn't apply to the prostate examination. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1716 Your liver enzymes are elevated . Crown Royal? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1717 So you see here, Medicare for All would, in fact, be fit for a king. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1718 Check. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1719 Except for being sick with power, your vitals look fine. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1720 I can't believe you hid all of your tax returns there! 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1721 Yes, you are wearing clothes. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1722 No, actually, it's AB+, and red. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1723 So it turns out it's not good to be the king.... 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1724 Not that long live the king. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1725 Let’s put it this way . . . Burger King or not, your cholesterol reading is a Whopper! 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1726 I'm upping your dosage to fiddlers, four. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1727 Well, looks like it's not that great being king. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1728 You can keep the bowl and the fiddlers three, but lay off the pipe. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1729 We're not sure what's causing your problem, King Midas, but we have some objects we'd like you to touch. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1730 I'm diagnosing you with delusions of grandeur. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1731 King or not, you're still fat. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1732 I'm amazed you're not feeling worse after eating four and twenty blackbirds. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1733 I've been a proctologist a long time, but sir, this is the first time I've literally found gold. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1734 Just because everything you touch turns to gold does not mean you're contagious. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1735 Don't worry -- what happens here stays here, Mr. Trump. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1736 Sorry Mr. President, but it will take more than this executive order to make the royal prostrate great again. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1737 It says here, you're a Royal Pain in the Ass 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1738 Your crown is cheap tin; your robe flea-ridden; your royal lineage fabricated; and your presumption of divine right an hysterical delusion. Otherwise, you’re doing fine. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1739 I think it's best if we see you more than just every other conquest. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1740 No, you are not the healthiest individual ever to ascend the throne. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1741 Your Highness, it looks like your Medicare cuts included you so it looks like we're going to have to put you down. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1742 Your kingdom for some Xanax? 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1743 Your difficulty breathing is caused by coal, Old King. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1744 Well, you're fit for a king. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1745 You can leave on the crown. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1746 That's a common misconception, but no -- moats *are not* a safeguard against syphilis. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1747 In your case, it truly is a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1748 Your history notes you’ve been a failed real estate tycoon, a tv entertainer, a past President, and you’re here for a check up to qualify for lifetime King? 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1749 I’d recommend more cardio if you want to be fit for a king. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1750 I see you have Kaiser care 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1751 I don't care you're dressed Bob. I'm not giving you the Royal treatment. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1752 Okay, so in your case the prostrate exam is literally a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1753 No. With Universal Healthcare, you’re get the same treatment as everybody else!! 1.3256 0.05736 129 100 16 13
1754 it seems that there was only minor improvement with the pipe and the bowl, i would like to try the fiddlers three and see if that helps. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1755 I can write you a prescription, not a proclamation 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1756 Blood type... blue negative. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1757 It's just as I suspected: a smashed patriarchy. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1758 Now all we need is a King's ransom and I can start the exam. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1759 You've lost your mind, Mr. Claus. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1760 When you say a Royal Pain are you suggesting it's something inherited? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1761 It's not me; it's the crown. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1762 While unusual, it's not unheard of to have a royal pain in other parts of the body, Your Highness. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1763 I'm afraid it's a hereditary condition. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1764 Royal pain in the ass. Let's have a look. 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1765 Ok your majesty, the crown jewels appear to be in order but as far as value goes I suggest you contact the Antiques Road show. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1766 It says here that Royal Healthcare Services does not actually cover Royals. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1767 Yes, you have ankle bone spurs. You're excused from Jousting 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1768 I am sorry but I concur with the others. It’s the common cold. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1769 Depression, your highness. I’m going to prescribe a daily dose of court jester, or if you prefer, daily Trump tweets have also been found equally effective. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1770 Your Excellency, are you back for another case of Annus Horibillis? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1771 No sire. There is no mistake in the report. The colour of your blood id not blue. 1.3256 0.05629 129 99 18 12
1772 Hmmm, the DNA test says your ancestry is African! 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1773 And you don’t know how the scepter got there? 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1774 She stuck your scepter where? 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1775 Technically, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1776 I'm afraid to say your condition is hereditary. 1.3256 0.04818 129 92 32 5
1777 Sorry, Your Highness, the opening goes in the back. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1778 You might want to consider becoming the king of kale. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1779 I see you have Medicare a la king. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1780 You have a case of hemorrhoids, perhaps you've been sitting on the throne too long. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1781 I thought I was the Burger King. Now, you tell me, I'm the Dairy Queen. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1782 I'm afraid I can only give you the redacted diagnosis. I can, however tell you that you still weigh 239 and will probably live for 200 years. 1.3256 0.05736 129 100 16 13
1783 'Royal pain in the ass' is only an expression, Majesty. Shall we disrobe and have a look ? 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1784 What about becoming the Veggie Burger King? 1.3256 0.05736 129 100 16 13
1785 Sorry Donald. You have bone spurs and are not eligible to be drafted 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1786 I’ll send a raven when the results come in. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1787 I'm afraid the prognosis is not good for your crown jewels. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1788 The tests are definitive: it's checkmate. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1789 I'm prescribing you something because your test results show that uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
1790 It looks like you’ve been diagnosed with imposter syndrome. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1791 And Donald, again, when you look into the mirror, whom do you see? 1.3256 0.05521 129 98 20 11
1792 King Wenceslas, you have frostbite. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
1793 Yes, of course it is difficult to determine if you have delusions of grandeur, your majesty. 1.3256 0.05410 129 97 22 10
1794 Before we begin the exam, you're wearing the robe backwards. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
1795 You gotta lay off the burger,king. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1796 You have an advanced case of obsolescence. 1.3254 0.05265 126 93 25 8
1797 I'm sorry your majesty, but you where diagnosed with a rather common disease. 1.3254 0.05018 126 91 29 6
1798 If you apply the ointment as prescribed, it will no longer feel as if you were sitting on an Iron Throne. 1.3248 0.05406 117 86 24 7
1799 So...you’re hesitant using the “Royal We”? 1.3246 0.05502 114 84 23 7
1800 The good news is you have a pure gold statue of your daughter now. 1.3241 0.04682 145 105 33 7
1801 Well, there's pain, and then there's royal pain. 1.3241 0.04882 145 107 29 9
1802 I suggest you consult your regular doctor.” 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1803 No you can't run for the Emperor of the U.S., that Kingship is already taken 1.3233 0.05500 133 102 19 12
1804 I'm afraid you have white privilege. 1.3231 0.05484 130 99 20 11
1805 Looks like you're good as gold. 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
1806 More salad, less whoppers from now on. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1807 "Royal Pain in the Ass" is not a diagnosis. Its hemorroids. 1.3228 0.05796 127 99 15 13
1808 My advice is stop eating at Burger King. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1809 Your test results are in : you have Crown's disease. It turns you into a giant parasite. But don't worry : there is a revolutionary cure. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1810 Take off your crown and bend over. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1811 You’ll have to give up your pipe, King Cole, but not your bowl nor your fiddlers three. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1812 Do you have to wear that every time I check your prostate? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1813 Your last checkup was 600 years ago. We'll have to check your insurance 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1814 Your cholesterol test confirmed it: you are the Burger King. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1815 You'll be ok, just lay off the cheese whoppers. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1816 From now on, less pipe and more fiddlers. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1817 Your genetics are troubling. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1818 Would you classify ‘turning everything to gold’ a positive or negative symptom? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1819 No, beheadings do not count toward your daily thirty minutes of cardio. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1820 How long have you been experiencing royal highness? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1821 Have you been out in a cold wind, Mr. Lear? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1822 If it's really essential,I'd move to a synthetic ermine. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1823 Didn't my nurse tell you that your gown should open to the back? 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1824 So, panic attacks induced by fear of violent succession by greedy children, huh? Yeah I’m gonna have to stick my finger up your ass. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1825 Well, I guess it's logical. You have a king-sised prostate. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1826 I've had patients lie to me before, but you tell some Whoppers. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1827 I suggest retirement, and rebrand the chain “Burger Prince.” 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1828 I'm afraid you have Trumpitis! 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1829 Yes, as a matter of fact the cost is a king's ransom. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1830 May I call you Louis? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1831 It says here you are King of Burgers. Is that a country? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1832 No, Your Majesty, your blood isn’t actually blue. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1833 The tests show that you have an allergy to ermine. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1834 It doesn't matter what you wear, you're still stuck with that balance of power thing. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1835 We have a prognosis on M. Dumpty... you just don't have enough horses or men to put him together again. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1836 You signed this referral form yourself, didn't you? 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1837 Good news, sir. Your prostrate is fine, but I had to move several of your sycophants out of the way to find it. 1.3228 0.05688 127 98 17 12
1838 I'm afraid my only method to cure you is a series of impeachment hearings. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1839 Mr. Lear, would you like your daughters to join us before going over your results? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1840 You really should lay off the Whoppers. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1841 Do your subjects know any chants other than long live the king? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1842 You know I was kidding when I asked about your family jewels, right? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1843 Heavy is the bladder with an enlarged prostate. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1844 I am going to prescribe you a new set of clothes 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1845 Medicare, I presume. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1846 Your Grace, the online diagnostics are confusing... they say: "The King is dead, long live the King." 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1847 So you used to be a caterpillar? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1848 It's called "castling". It's your body's way of avoiding checkmate. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1849 The problem is not with you per se but with your crown jewels. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1850 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown without the right kind of foam pillow. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1851 Well, your Highness, having a whipping boy for a stand in defeats the purpose of prostate exam. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1852 The emperor has no toes. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1853 Your prognosis is that in the future you will be played by Glenda Jackson. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1854 If by "the royal disease" you mean gonorrhea, then yes. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1855 You have a severe case of royal pain in the ass. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1856 We usually just send a postcard to confirm an appointment. But yeah, sure, a "royal invitation." 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1857 Throne sores, your highness....Again. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1858 You don't have bone spurs, or weigh 238 pounds, and your IQ isn't the highest in the world ever. 1.3228 0.05796 127 99 15 13
1859 Aside from people telling you you're naked. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1860 I see you’re complaining of: "Uneasy lies the head.” We often see that in heads that wear the crown. 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1861 I'm afraid this is no common cold. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1862 Overall your health is good,but you suffer from grandiose delusions. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1863 It says here you're suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1864 The crown's okay but the robe has to open in back. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1865 So, where is this 'royal pain' you're complaining of? 1.3228 0.05688 127 98 17 12
1866 Sorry, King. No more having it your way with the burgers and fries. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1867 I'm sorry your majesty, in reviewing your test results we need to remove the Crown Jewels at once. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1868 Frankly, I'm a bit worried about your low blue blood cell count. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1869 I assumed everything’s hereditary 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1870 I’m sorry to inform you, your Highness, but your family jewels seem to have lost their luster. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1871 It's just a bout of gout. I'm prescribing four and twenty Blackbirds, baked in a pie. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1872 The tests show you're not who you said you were 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1873 I'm afraid taking off your clothes is a risk you'll just have to take. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1874 You appear to have a superiority complex. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1875 First name Your? And your date of birth Mr. Majesty? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1876 Might be time for a succession plan. 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1877 Being fired by Burger King does not constitute a medical emergency. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1878 Alright, if you insist. We need a throne sample. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1879 Have you decreed anything unusual lately? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1880 No pipe. Less bowl. More fiddlers. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1881 Quite the family history. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1882 I suppose you can keep the crown on. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1883 It says here that you don't have health insurance. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1884 Don’t worry. It’s only a royal flush. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1885 Sorry to keep you waiting. We doctors are very busy. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1886 I won't bend the knee. However, for the next exam, it would help if you did. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1887 ObamaCare won't pay for it. Your social utility score is too low." 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1888 Are you insured? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1889 Since I’m a health care servant provider, you’re covered. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1890 Well, sadly, the tests conclude that you're a royal pain. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1891 Just out of curiosity, do you think the prince is well-suited to rule? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1892 Your old soul's merry enough but I don't like the looks of your cholesterol. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1893 No Your Majesty, this is what clothes feel like when you actually wear them... your chief of staff had been pranking you this whole time 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1894 Psychiatrist is down the hall. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1895 Yes, you're going to have to remove your crown as well. 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1896 Is your royal pain more like the sharp pinch of putting down dissent, or the dull ache of an oppressive monarchy? 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1897 I'm afraid a Royal Pardon doesn't count as a deductible your honor. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1898 I’m afraid your subjects are right. You have no backbone. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1899 Not only is there such a condition as "A Royal Pain," but you seem to have it. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1900 I am going to ask you to disrobe. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1901 Forgive me, but it is a rather pedestrian diagnosis. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1902 Looks like it's the crown that is making your head lie uneasy. 1.3228 0.04455 127 88 37 2
1903 There aren’t many colorful ways I can say this, but I’m gonna go with “Checkmate.” 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1904 The crown may be gold but unfortunately thine health care plan is bronze. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1905 Do you have a successor plan in place? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1906 How many blackbirds were baked in that pie? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1907 I’m afraid the bishop has you in check mate. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1908 We don't have "a Royal Pain" on our scale - could you please just use a number? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1909 This calls for the royal treatment. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1910 You need a doctor’s note? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1911 I understand Emperor, but for me to do a thorough exam you will have to remove your clothes. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1912 When was the last time someone tasted your food ? 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1913 Hmm, yes, you do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1914 Inbred, narcissist, cross dresser with gout. You’ve passed your royal pre-employment physical. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1915 So...as we suspected, that “heavy’’ feeling that you have in your head? It is the crown... 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1916 It's time to pass on the crown" 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1917 Are you spending a lot of time on the throne? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1918 So once a king always a king, but once a night's not enough? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1919 Toelessness is actually more common than you’d think. 1.3228 0.05577 127 97 19 11
1920 No, leather bags of jewels don't count toward a deductible. 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1921 Do you prefer to pay for this with credit card, check, or the sweat and toil of nine thousand serfs? 1.3228 0.04858 127 91 31 5
1922 ... and that’s spelled “L E A R”, correct? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1923 Well, your blood pressure is still pretty high and mighty. 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1924 Only positive results, your Highness. "Your physical strength and stamina are extraordinary. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1925 And you say, “You’re a stable genius?” 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
1926 If it makes you feel better, you do have KING crabs. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1927 Stay out of the moat next time you are intoxicated from celebrating winning a war. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1928 Sir, you have put on your royal hospital gown backwards. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1929 So you want the letter to say that you're the healthiest individual ever to be crowned king? 1.3228 0.05463 127 96 21 10
1930 Would you describe the pain as royal? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1931 We have a higher survival rate than Game of Thrones. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1932 Yes a colonoscopy is part of the royal treatment. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
1933 This says you're sick and tired of being a king. 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1934 Of course it's a royal pain Sire, but could you be more specific? 1.3228 0.04985 127 92 29 6
1935 Hmmm. It says, "have it your way". 1.3228 0.04728 127 90 33 4
1936 I have the tests results, the problem’s your family jewels. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
1937 Our pain scale does not include "Royal." 1.3226 0.04932 124 89 30 5
1938 Unfortunately, Sire, according to these charts, it’s not good to be King. 1.3226 0.05316 124 92 24 8
1939 No, the 'royal treatment' is colonoscopy. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1940 I have some bad news. It looks like you're not covered." 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1941 You are royally screwed! 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1942 I'm afraid you've been diagnosed with Trumpitis, and there's no known cure. 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1943 King Midas, perhaps you should, umm, 'self-pleasure' a bit less frequently? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1944 The tests confirmed what I suspected : you have feet of clay. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1945 I'll test it again, but you have red blood. 1.3217 0.06120 115 90 13 12
1946 No, no, your majesty, I said you were HAVING a royal pain in the ass. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1947 How heavy lies the crown? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1948 You're a white male. You'll be fine. 1.3217 0.05865 115 88 17 10
1949 Yes, wearing the crown is causing your scoliosis. 1.3217 0.05994 115 89 15 11
1950 Merry old soul or not, you still need a statin prescription. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1951 I’m afraid this is an inherited condition. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1952 The fiddlers three can stay, the rest has got to go. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1953 The good news is we have a diagnoses; you have a giant hemorrhoid. The bad news is it’s going to be a royal pain in the ass to remove. 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1954 If I run a high fever, do you call that a Royal Flush? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1955 Good news. It’s just a royal pain in the neck. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1956 Your MRI shows your arteries appear to be clogged with gold. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1957 Not colony, colonoscopy 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
1958 Your right is divine, but your left is lousy. 1.3203 0.05195 128 95 25 8
1959 I usually prescribe witch hazel pads for that, but if it's a royal pain, you may need a medicated cream. 1.3203 0.04826 128 92 31 5
1960 Gown open to the back please. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1961 I'm afraid this diagnosis is not 'Fake News' 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1962 Throwing me to the lions isn't going cure your VD... 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1963 And you’re wearing your new clothes under that?” Jacqueline Moran, Canada 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1964 I assume you'll be able to pay for this? 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1965 Your blood "line" might say you are the one true ruler of all the kingdoms in the land but your blood "work" says you have hypertension. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1966 Did you just say "My kingdom for Medicare"? 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1967 Basically, you have to stop eating like a king 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1968 No......I don't jest you..... 1.3200 0.05518 125 95 20 10
1969 Unfortunately, there's no antidote for blue blood. 1.3200 0.04628 125 88 34 3
1970 More cardio - I’m recommending a Standing Throne. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1971 Insurance is a system where someone helps you cover your medical bills. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1972 There's been great strides in medicine. Bring that Humpty Dumpty in and let's see what we can do. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1973 I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the tumor you have is a very slow-growing one. The bad news is that it's already 500 years old. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1974 I’m so sorry, your blood tested positive for plebeian. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1975 Judging from these results, you’re spending far too much time on the throne. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1976 Sure, I can give you a note for work. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1977 I have good news or bad news. What does your sire wish to hear? 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1978 No more pipes and no more bowls, and cut the fiddlers down to two a day. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1979 Carpal Tunnel comes from constant, repetitious hand movement such as texting. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1980 The good news is you'l live to rule another day! 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1981 Sorry. Your blood is not yet blue. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1982 It looks like your patella has abdicated the knee joint. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1983 Actually, it opens in the back. 1.3200 0.04765 125 89 32 4
1984 Does four-and-twenty blackbirds mean anything to you? 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1985 I'm afraid Medicaid won't pay for this. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1986 Considering your general appearance, I’d wager it’s a royal flush. 1.3200 0.04765 125 89 32 4
1987 Your Majesty, You're totally Exonerated. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1988 Rumour has it that you are a royal pain in the ass. These medical tests confirm the diagnosis. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1989 Didn’t they tell you robe open in the back? 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
1990 I don't think your despotism is getting any better but I think I can get you a favorable position with a hamburger chain I'm invested in if you can smile big and hold it. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1991 have you heard the expression 'you're royally screwed' 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1992 No, 'royal pain' is just an expression. Actually you have colo-rectal cancer. 1.3200 0.05518 125 95 20 10
1993 I suggest you do not reveal your DNA test result. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1994 Sorry to keep you waiting so long. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1995 Your touch may be golden but mine indicates a prostate problem. 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
1996 I'm afraid that all this looking down on people has done a number on your neck. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
1997 I’m afraid you might have a king-size problem. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
1998 too much royal jelly has given you a sore throne 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
1999 Maybe it's not so good to be the king. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2000 Your royal heiny is suffering from too much time on the throne 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
2001 You'll be pleased to know that as your treating physician, I do see your new clothes. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2002 You have a royal pain in your what? 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
2003 Are we clear now that the scepter is only for ceremonial use? 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
2004 Perhaps if you changed your diet you wouldn’t have to spend so much time on the throne. 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2005 I don't want to lose my head over this but.... 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
2006 And you say you had something similar in the 10th century? 1.3200 0.05156 125 92 26 7
2007 The crown jewels appear to be in good order 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
2008 I’ve got good news, and more good news. 1.3200 0.05279 125 93 24 8
2009 I think you misheard 'Colony' with 'Colonoscopy'. 1.3188 0.04931 138 102 28 8
2010 Looks like you’ve had it your way too often with your whopper. 1.3188 0.05141 138 104 24 10
2011 No, I can assure you that it was red. 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
2012 It's from too much time on the throne—I'll give you some ointment. 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
2013 I'm afraid your horses and men were correct sire..... Humptey didn't make it..." 1.3178 0.06027 107 82 16 9
2014 Kale. 1.3175 0.05480 126 96 20 10
2015 Is there any history of Affluenza in your family? 1.3175 0.04734 126 90 32 4
2016 The good news is we know why your head lies uneasy. 1.3175 0.04995 126 92 28 6
2017 Yeah, that's not how sex works. 1.3175 0.05707 126 98 16 12
2018 Sorry, but if you had Obamacare, it would be covered. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
2019 We were pleased to upgrade you from the Presidential Gown to the Royal Robe; unfortunately, the proctology report is still not good. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
2020 What you have is indeed a royal pain...! 1.3172 0.04864 145 108 28 9
2021 Strangest thing. Says here you've got blue blood. 1.3172 0.05057 145 110 24 11
2022 I'm sorry your majesty, we're going to have to amputate your head. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2023 I am sorry to report you have lost the Midas touch. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2024 Your cholesterol is a little rich. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2025 Your regal rectum is royally screwed 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2026 First, I need to collect your co-pay. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2027 It's nothing serious, but I advise you not to eat any more of those 24 blackbird pies. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2028 It appears to be a hereditary condition" 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
2029 Your medical family history seems to indicate that your parents were related.... 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2030 Looks good from here but you’ll need a dentist to check that crown..... 1.3171 0.04663 123 87 33 3
2031 Your LDL score is a Whopper... 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2032 You're fit to be King. 1.3171 0.05693 123 95 17 11
2033 Bad news I’m afraid. Your reign is over. 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
2034 You might want to consider taking it easy on the mead. 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
2035 Your old soul has a severe deficiency of merriness. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2036 Is it possible that your mother and father were sister and brother? 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2037 If you tell me who gets the Iron Throne, I'll tell you your cholesterol levels. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2038 I'm sorry, but your job's health insurance doesn't cover this 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2039 I’m sorry sir, this disease doesn’t exist anymore” 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2040 I admire your ability to get into character! You have both gout and the plague. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2041 Best set of labs I have ever seen. All the results are positive. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2042 Take two hamlets and call me in the morning. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2043 You need to cut down on Feudalism. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2044 Your digestive system will never obey you, you must obey it. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2045 Well, judging from the x-rays, that crown needs replacing. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2046 All I can say is, it’s the last season of Game of Thrones and we’re all depressed. 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
2047 You're really going to have cut down on the blackbirds. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2048 I'm afraid it's not always good to be king. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2049 I'm afraid I need to look up your royal chamber. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2050 Four-and-twenty blackbirds is too many at one sitting. 1.3171 0.04663 123 87 33 3
2051 Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's coming up spades. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2052 Among ourselves we proctologists refer to your condition as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2053 Divine privilege goes only so far. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2054 One pill will clear “your little majesty” right up. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2055 Your chart says that you're fit for a king. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2056 I'm afraid your merry old soul needs more work, King Cole. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2057 So just how good is the royal insurance? 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2058 Unfortunately, your majesty, the insurance company considers royal pains to be a pre-existing condition. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2059 Do you want the royal news or the dungeon ones first? 1.3171 0.05575 123 94 19 10
2060 we're missing your XVth & XVIIth cent. family records. 1.3171 0.05575 123 94 19 10
2061 "The Emperor has no clothes" story is still a distress but at some point of the examination Your Majesty will have to stand naked. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2062 Frankly, I think the diagnosis of " royal pain in the ass" matches your symptoms. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2063 You have a royally enlarged prostate. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2064 In fact, your Highness, since Congress dismantled the Affordable Care Act, you are my sole remaining patient. 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
2065 Physically you're fine. The paranoia can probably be attributed to you age - everyone is pretty fed up with you by now. 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
2066 Your oldest son says tough noogies. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2067 You're pregnant. 1.3171 0.05809 123 96 15 12
2068 You'll receive more favorable insurance coverage with a diagnosis of hemorrhoids rather than a royal pain in the ass. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2069 Your soul seems to be older than we thought. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2070 Most guys schedule it during the jousting championships. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2071 Don't worry, it happens to all the king's men. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2072 I'm sorry, but you'll have to wear one of our robes. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
2073 I'm afraid an executive order won't fix it. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2074 No, even for you Medicare will not cover a hearing test! 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
2075 It’s a royal pain in the ass alright. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
2076 Well doctor , ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a QUEEN ... 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
2077 Our entire staff agrees that "posterior discomfort" is your primary condition. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
2078 Do you want the truth? 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
2079 Are you experiencing any delusions? 1.3158 0.05886 114 88 16 10
2080 I didn't realize we had hospital gowns like that. 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
2081 I always wanted to have the gout, its such a regal disease. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
2082 Don't worry, you'll get rid of the headache very soon! I'll prescribe a revolution. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
2083 I'm going to prescribe a jester. 1.3158 0.04876 114 81 30 3
2084 I meant "Any MEDICAL hereditary concerns?" 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
2085 Your Majesty has contracted a Maje-s-t-d 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
2086 I think it's safe to say, it was Cinderella. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
2087 Does it open in the back? 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2088 Stop touching it if it keeps turning to gold, Midas. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2089 ‘I’m afraid that’s checkmate 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2090 Looks like you’re going to need the royal treatment. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2091 Your tests show no reason for insomnia. I suggest you stop calling for your pipe in the middle of the night and tell your fiddlers three to get another room. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2092 Great news, your Highness! You’re in excellent overall health. You have normal blood pressure, a low PSA, you’re a svelte 239 pounds, and you have no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever. Best of all, you now have me as your next cabinet minister! 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2093 Sir, this says you’ve eaten a Whopper every meal for fifty years. 1.3145 0.05293 124 93 23 8
2094 I’m concerned you’re spending too much time on the throne 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2095 I'm a little worried about the blue blood. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2096 Yes, I agree. They really can be a royal pain in the ass. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2097 Yes, but there’s still a co-payment. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2098 The test results came back positive for delusions of grandeur 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2099 Next time, check the throne before sitting down. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2100 Don't be sad,cancer is the king of maladies. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2101 You have a very high blue blood count. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
2102 Now, about this "royal pain in the ass" you're mentioning... 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
2103 Everything else looks good. Now show me that royal pain. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
2104 The royal wee sample is clear. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2105 Any increase in the time you spend sitting on the throne? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2106 Yes, these results are astounding, but you'll have to contact the folks at 23andMe with any questions. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2107 Do you want to hear the real news or the fake news? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2108 And while your sudden preoccupation concerns me, I can confirm your new clothes are visible on every scan." 1.3140 0.04699 121 86 32 3
2109 Sure, if the magic key shows up during your prostate exam, I will hand it right over to you. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2110 Your blood work is normal, including color. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2111 Your merry old soul needs to stop calling for your pipe. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2112 The fact that you're a "jolly old soul" is entirely beside the point. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2113 No, your scepter elbow doesn't worry me as much as this family history of frequent beheadings. 1.3140 0.04550 121 85 34 2
2114 You know, because of your new dental tax the cost of your crowns has gone up. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2115 Suit yourself, but normally we provide the robe. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2116 The fiddlers three can stay--but the pipe and bowl have to go. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2117 Looks like you're allergic to peasants . 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2118 I understand that it’s a royal pain but yes, treatment does require your Majesty to turn around and bend over like a commoner. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2119 You're in surprisingly good shape, considering you're the "Burger King!" 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2120 You'll need to come in for some royal blood tests. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2121 I'm sorry Mr. Trump but your still not a king 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2122 You're going to need more than a Midas Touch to pay for this. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2123 Your blood isn't actually blue... 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2124 No, it’s your edict. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2125 I know you’re the king but I still need a copay. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2126 Looks like it's time for your annual Royal Flush 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2127 I’d say you’re golden, Midas. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2128 Apart from a royal flush and a receding heir line, you are in excellent shape, your Majesty 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2129 You need to stop playing with the crown jewels while sitting on the throne. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2130 This says you've written your own glowing medical report and you have tested positive for everything. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2131 Sorry, your Majesty, not having a heart is a pre-existing condition, and your health insurance won’t cover that. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2132 You’re going to need a new crown. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2133 You're telling me your scepter is stuck WHERE? 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2134 At least you haven't lost your head. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2135 For the last time, if the four-and-twenty blackbirds begin to sing, the pie's giving you food poisoning 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2136 You say it’s a royal pain in the ass. I say it’s a boil. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2137 No I don't think an "Executive Order" will circumvent your need for a prostate exam. 1.3140 0.05754 121 94 16 11
2138 It’s your cholesterol numbers...Your Highness. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2139 Your test results confirm that you must lay off the pipe, quit the bowl and cut back from three fiddlers to just one. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2140 So ... I don't suppose you know how Game of Thrones ends? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2141 That's not what 'long live the king' actually means. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2142 Do you want your real evaluation or the one you paid me for? 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2143 Too many burgers, king. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2144 I might be able to help, but don't touch me. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2145 A Whopper a day is not the same as an apple a day! 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2146 Are you 'the' single-payer? 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2147 When you say “impotence”, are you referring to your political influence? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2148 Let me put this in terms you will understand: your scepter is broken. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2149 Well Richard, it's not good. You literally have the heart of a lion. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2150 ...and apply it to Your Majesty's affected area twice daily until the pain is less royal. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2151 We can call it a throne if that makes you more comfortable. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2152 It turns out you're allergic to ermine! 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2153 And how many times a day would you say you “sit on the throne.” 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2154 Not so good to be the King today! 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2155 The tests indicate that you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2156 Yes, you could say hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2157 I'm afraid the regulations are clear: you do not qualify for continued health insurance coverage if you lose your job because of a revolution. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2158 Okay, have it your way. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2159 A royal flush, Your Majesty? How long ago was that 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2160 I’m afraid it’s severe heirloss 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2161 Well, it's not psychosis.. but we're still waiting on the fashion consult. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2162 You can continue the fiddlers three, but you're going to have to quit the pipe and cut back on the bowl. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2163 So, sire. Which report do you want me to release to your subjects? 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2164 No, your majesty, your personal health problems don't improve just because you are "a single-payer healthcare system." 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2165 It's the royal wheeze. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2166 Nothing you touch turns to gold, and you have gout. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2167 I see here that your family history is unremarkable. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2168 Your tests came back. Unfortunately, it looks like checkmate. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2169 Blood pressure is good, but your tyranny levels are concerning 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2170 The DNA is conclusive: Trump is not your son! 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2171 Your hernia is a real whopper 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2172 So, you would describe it as a royal pain? 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
2173 Based on these results you may want to start planning that State funeral 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2174 So, King George, let's start with the abandonment issues. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2175 I see you brought your own robe...now if we could just put the opening to the back... 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2176 "Apparently it is time for you to cut back on that 'Merry Old Soul' stuff." 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2177 You might want to cut back to one fiddler and no pipe. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2178 You say you're feeling this "royal pain" where, exactly? 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2179 If I tell you your diagnosis, you won't have me sent to the gallows right? 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2180 So then it IS a royal pain. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
2181 I'm afraid we're going to have to get the family jewels re-appraised. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2182 It's the blood pressure. I'm concerned about your highness. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2183 There must be some mistake. This order isn't for a regal exam. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2184 Indeed Prince Charles, isn't she an amazing woman your Mother, still going strong. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2185 So just how long have you had this pain in your royal ass? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2186 The nurse was supposed to tell you that it opens in the back. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2187 THE GOOD NEWS ARE: YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH GOD TOMORROW AT 5.00 PM IN HIS OFFICE. 1.3140 0.05754 121 94 16 11
2188 The results of your colonoscopy explain why you're such a royal pain in the ass. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2189 Turning you back into a frog might solve the problem, but you still wouldn't live that long. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2190 It says here you are suffering from a royal pain in the butt? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2191 Your hubris count is a little high, cognitive skills so-so. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2192 I am afraid it is checkmate. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2193 Just how many pipes and bowls are we talking about, Mr. Cole? 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2194 You need to take some time off. Your blood pressure is off the charts with this Dumpty business. 1.3140 0.05633 121 93 18 10
2195 Let's just say that I wouldn't put stock into that whole "long live the king" mantra... 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2196 I am sorry, your Majesty, you have Crown's disease. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2197 So I think you have a narcissistic personality discorder. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2198 Bloodletting is out of network. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
2199 Where is the Royal Pain? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2200 Looks like you need to spend less time on the throne. You’ve got hemorrhoids. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
2201 I think you may be allergic to mink. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
2202 Normal patient garments aren’t nearly this posh. You must have great insurance. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
2203 I said to leave it open in the back. 1.3136 0.05205 118 87 25 6
2204 No, I think it is just hemorrhoids. 1.3136 0.05607 118 90 19 9
2205 When did you start feeling heavy-headed? 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
2206 The good news is you can pay in gold. 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
2207 Your soul is 5% less merry than last checkup...we're going to bump your daily dosage up to four fiddlers. 1.3115 0.05592 122 94 18 10
2208 Your Royal Highness, you’ll have to take it up with the insurance company. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2209 Your stamina is amazing for a middle ages man." 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
2210 And you say that you haven’t felt well since Cordelia died? 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
2211 There's been some really exciting advances with the guillotine. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2212 Which of your three daughters is in charge of your care? 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2213 Do you still feel hot and have a headache most of the time? 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2214 Great results, you can look forward to another year of being a jolly old soul! 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2215 Listen, I'll stop by your showroom, but I'm pretty happy with my mattress. 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
2216 I'm afraid you have a problem with your scepter. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
2217 The tests confirm that you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
2218 Mrs. Midas should also come in to get tested. 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
2219 You’re remarkably merry for your age. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2220 And these heavy head symptoms have persisted ever since your promotion? 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2221 Your Highness, I need to check your Highnie. 1.3109 0.05816 119 93 15 11
2222 You say your head lies uneasy?" 1.3109 0.04884 119 86 29 4
2223 Relax! I told the scribes that you’re the healthiest king to ever hold the throne. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2224 Your yearly physical shows that you aren't officially obese. You will, however, have to wear shoes with 3 inch soles and a much longer robe . 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2225 Unfortunately, the results show that your blood is red. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2226 And this "royal" pain is where, exactly? 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2227 Says here you want the royal treatment. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2228 I know you were hoping for a royal disease like gout, but I'm afraid you have simple arthritis. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2229 I'd like to put you in a research group, but you'll have to lose the crown and your wife's coat. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2230 I see you have Coronary Artery Disease... 1.3109 0.05028 119 87 27 5
2231 I really don’t think killing the entire working class will cure your hemophilia. But I guess you’re right, it can’t hurt to try. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2232 There's no easy way to say this: you must cut down on burgers. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2233 No, I don't think a royal decree will help. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2234 The fiddlers are fine but you need to cut down on the pipes and the bowls. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2235 You should make more use of the royal Wii. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2236 4 and 20 blackbirds, huh? That cannabis scrip is certainly working. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2237 Unfortunately, it might be have to be Salad King from now on... 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2238 Problems with the family jewels?" 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2239 I checked your dental inssurance. It does't cover crowms. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2240 I know you are, but you still need a prostate exam. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2241 Let me get this straight. My medical evaluation should read “The Queen is a detriment to the health of the sovereign and must be removed.” and I get to keep my life”-Done 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2242 It’s what we suspected. You have no spine. 1.3109 0.05167 119 88 25 6
2243 Pain when sitting on the throne? I think I understand why they sent you to a proctologist. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2244 Job or no job, I’m putting you on a Whopper free diet. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2245 If you look at this closely you will see that the Divine Right of Doctors takes precedence over the Divine Right of Kings. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2246 On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your delusions of grandeur? 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2247 We wanted your robe opening to the back, your highness. 1.3109 0.05028 119 87 27 5
2248 I’m sorry King Midas, but given your condition, an MRI is not an option. 1.3109 0.04884 119 86 29 4
2249 A prescription for Viagra and getting royally screwed are not necessarily part of the same scenario, King. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2250 First of all--you are not a king! 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2251 Apologies your majesty, I can't explain your royal pain. 1.3109 0.05436 119 90 21 8
2252 Well King Midas, the good news is once you pass this stone the current price of gold will make it worth over $50,000. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
2253 Here, you're expected to wait just like everybody else. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2254 You are due for a royal flush. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
2255 These haemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass! 1.3106 0.04825 132 97 29 6
2256 It won't be conclusive, until you to turn a few more of my things into gold. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2257 Your Majesty, when was the last time you took a Royal Flush? 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2258 It’s actually meant to be literal. Stop wearing your crown to bed and your head will rest just fine. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2259 You're old, King Cole. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2260 Perhaps Your Highness might consider an alternative explanation for the headache. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2261 Well... turns out you’re fit for a king. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
2262 Sorry King! A Merry old soul does not translate to having a healthy heart. 1.3097 0.05633 113 86 19 8
2263 The gown opening is supposed to go in the back. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2264 I'm afraid the body politic is rejecting you. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
2265 You certainly have one majestic prostate 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2266 I think you are suffering from delusions of grandeur 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2267 Is anyone in your family allergic to ermine? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2268 The good news is that there is a cure. The bad news is that it costs a king's ransom. 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2269 Sorry, it appears you put the robe on backwards. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2270 24 Blackbirds! Did you remove the feathers? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2271 No more pipe. No more bowl. Trust me; you’ll be a happier soul. 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2272 Extended time on throne appears to have left you with what could only be described as a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2273 Your results clearly show that you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2274 On a scale of 1 to royal, how much pain are you in? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2275 Your blood sugar is a little high...I suggest increasing your pillaging to 30 minutes per day. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2276 It seems we're dealing with a Royal pain in the butt! 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2277 I see here that you recently had a royal flush 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2278 Shall we disrobe? 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2279 Scrofula 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2280 If you want my help, you're going to have to be a little more forthcoming with your family history. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2281 I'm afraid your corruption is terminal. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2282 As I said before your highness, there currently is no cure for heheading…I am sorry for the loss of your wives... 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2283 So your not feeling your merry ol’ Soul? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
2284 The people are saying you don't have a heart, and I've found nothing to contradict them. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2285 Well, this is not going to make you a merrie olde soul." 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
2286 Sir, you’ve put the gown on backwards 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2287 Into everyone’s life a little reign must fall. 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
2288 Hypoglycemia can't be fixed by eating more cookies, Santa. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2289 The king has no repose. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2290 I regret to inform you King Kandy that you have type two diabetes. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2291 When you get to the hospital, you'll have to wear the robe backwards. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
2292 Hello Mr. Wenceslas, should I call you Good or Good King? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2293 We've ruled out hemorrhoids. It appears to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2294 Looks like your highness is in cholesterol. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2295 So, it's a royal pain in your ass? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2296 The test results confirm it. You're a merry old soul. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2297 Your taxes are high. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2298 Well, yes, we can call your hemorrhoids a Royal Pain in the Ass if you insist. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2299 The prostrate exam requires that you don your robe with the opening in the back. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2300 The tests conclude that you ARE a pain in the ass! 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2301 This diet has less fiber, so less time on "The Throne. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2302 Your medicines are out of date. The pharmacy no longer offers wormwood, arsenic or mint. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2303 I agree, majesty, your hemorrhoids are a royal pain. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2304 Turn around. Time to check the Hall of the Mountain King. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2305 We'll have to amputate it, but it's resale value should cover and medical costs 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2306 I'm afraid the HMO won't accept "my kingdom" as payment. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2307 I'm sorry sir, but taking Viagra won't cause you to have sons. I like your Halloween costume by the way. 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
2308 Your robe should open in the back. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2309 I'm sorry, but where we ask here for 'blood type' on your medical intake form, 'Royal' is not among the options. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
2310 Most men your age spend more time on the throne. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2311 Were you born with this condition? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
2312 Your previous dentist had a different idea about installing crowns 1.3097 0.05633 113 86 19 8
2313 Every time I get out the glove, it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
2314 Amazing - not only are you the healthiest king in the history of the world, but you grew five inches last year too! 1.3089 0.05431 123 94 20 9
2315 Looks like "royal pain". 1.3089 0.05307 123 93 22 8
2316 Your lab results are back. Can you be merry with just your bowl and two fiddlers? 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
2317 According to your chart you've been eating too much cake. 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
2318 I'm afraid it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.3083 0.05650 120 93 17 10
2319 This is too rich even for your blood. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2320 Looks like you beat that kidney stone with a royal flush. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
2321 You say you worry about a receding heir line? 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2322 A laxative should improve the Royal Flush considerably. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2323 I afraid it's time to cut back on those burgers. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2324 As your proctologist I can say you are sitting pretty. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2325 Well, your heart is fine, but I'm concerned about the Royal Jewels. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2326 Yes it's conclusive, You are a Royal Pain in the Ass... 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
2327 You have a big problem and it’s a Whopper! 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2328 It looks like we're going to have to take the whopper off the menu for a while. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
2329 So my nurse's notes here say it was large, purple, and what's this? Required a royal flush? 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
2330 No, I wasn’t referring to your throne when I said your stool is soft. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
2331 Based on these test results you might need to become the Tofu King. 1.3077 0.05355 117 88 22 7
2332 Looks like it's genetic 1.3077 0.05073 117 86 26 5
2333 I'm afraid we'll have to remove your head. 1.3077 0.05624 117 90 18 9
2334 The lab says your Crown Jewels are only rhinestones. 1.3077 0.05491 117 89 20 8
2335 And you claim the sprain is from spinning a mattress sign? 1.3077 0.05355 117 88 22 7
2336 As long as you keep the coat on you’ll be fine. 1.3077 0.05624 117 90 18 9
2337 Now that you're 50, let's just say you'll be spending the weekend on another kind of throne. 1.3077 0.05073 117 86 26 5
2338 I'm afraid in your case a colonoscopy is the royal treatment. 1.3077 0.05216 117 87 24 6
2339 I'm sorry, your blood tests were negative for blue blood. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
2340 The crown might have something to do with the frequent migraines. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
2341 I’m not sure we should go with bone spurs again. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2342 It says here regal hemorrhoids but our admissions staff used a different phrase. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2343 I recommend more fiber in your diet so you can go back to having a royal flush. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
2344 Can you describe the pain, other than royal? 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2345 Sciatica is a royal pain in the butt. Ice it and get a donut for the throne. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2346 Good overall, but you'll need to see a dentist about the crown. 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
2347 So lets discuss the royal pain part. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
2348 Testicles, said the Queen, if I had them, I would be King. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2349 It appears you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3070 0.04846 114 82 29 3
2350 If you want to live through the weekend, now you're the salmon burger king. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
2351 Not so good to be the king, eh? 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
2352 Well, I guess we could call this a royal pain in the ass. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
2353 You got it all wrong. It's QUEEN for a day! 1.3070 0.05004 114 83 27 4
2354 Well, first I'd like for all your horses and all your men to get a look at this report. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2355 At least you didn't have to wait as long as Prince Charles. 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
2356 Even if you are lion-hearted, I'd cut back on the red meat. 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
2357 Would it be safe to say that your diet is primarily burgers and fries? 1.3070 0.05004 114 83 27 4
2358 you've heard the expression fit to be king? 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2359 Yes, your tests came back bigly, with only positive results. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
2360 Having a "merry old soul" is just about to payoff. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2361 Another royal pain in the ass? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2362 The test results show that you've lost your Midas touch. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2363 It's fine to keep up with the fiddlers three, but you are going to have to give up the pipe and the bowl I'm afraid. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2364 No such thing as ‘Executive Privilege’ in this place. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2365 All the King's horses and all the Kings men are busy helping some Dumpty guy.. looks like you're on your own here. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2366 I'm not sure how you want to handle this; it says your insurance covers all your men but your horses are out of network. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2367 Unfortunately, it's a royal pain in the neck. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2368 If you wish to remain a merry old soul you'll have to stop calling for your pipe and reduce the amount in your bowl. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2369 Head weight induced neck pain. Comes with the territory. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2370 I'll say it again. Sir, I do not move diagonally. I'm your physician, not your bishop. ... Tell me you haven't been playing with my rubber gloves. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2371 You have delusions of grandeur. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2372 It’s a royal pain in the ass, your majesty. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2373 Is it a Royal pain? 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2374 Someone should’ve told you that the pie filled with four and twenty blackbirds was for presentation only. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2375 Do you want your test results here or should they be announced from the palace balcony? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2376 I'm afraid Targaryen isn't an actual blood type. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2377 It's the ermine, I'm afraid. You're allergic. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2378 I'm afraid you're about to become the King of Spades. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2379 Yes, you have to quit the pipe AND the bowl. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2380 I'm sorry but we can not accept your government funded health insurance plan. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2381 Yes, in common parlance, it is called the Midas Touch. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2382 It says here you were once a merry old soul. 1.3051 0.04740 118 85 30 3
2383 Royal pain in the ass again, eh? 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2384 Relax, sire. It's just a royal flush. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2385 ...the good news is that I can cure you of this affluence. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2386 Look's like we're good until 2020. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2387 Uknighted Healthcare is your insurance, correct? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2388 Your results are back, your majesty. The doctors have taken note of your unusually blue blood... 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2389 Here in the U.S interns don’t fix the crowns. I’ll get the dentist. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2390 I hate to tell you this, but you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2391 I'm afraid you're allergic to ermine... 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2392 Lord Feather-Bottom, I assure you, your clothes are visible to everyone. I think it’s time to see a psychiatrist. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2393 The lab tests confirmed my initial diagnosis: You're a merry old soul. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2394 I see your health care insurer does not include blood letting as a treatment option. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2395 Last year's note says you were homeless but resourceful. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2396 You have a case of “cervicalgia rex”—also known as a royal pain in the neck. 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2397 Nothing here. You'll sleep much better if you take your crown off. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2398 Sorry, we don't accept "A Lannister always pays his debts" as proof of insurance. 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
2399 I think you should fill in this part of the form that states your oldest child’s hat size....soon! 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2400 Bad news: Your insurance doesn’t cover “verruca vulgaris” 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2401 Could you disrobe? 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2402 This isn't what I meant when I said, "Put on a robe." 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2403 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but you'll have to sign onto the portal like everyone else to see the test results. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2404 I'm sorry -- we're out of network. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2405 You need to stop eating like a King 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2406 Bad news your Majesty, the Queen is pregnant. 1.3051 0.05710 118 92 16 10
2407 Yes, urology can be a Royal pain in the ass.....! 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2408 Your chances of remaining a merry old soul would improve if you laid off the pipe and went easy on the bowl. 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
2409 Did You say Crohn's disease or Throne's Disease 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
2410 To sum it up, you are a royal mess. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2411 No, Your Majesty, I won't be using an ermine glove today. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2412 Persistent illusions of grandeur ... it’s a debilitating condition, I’m afraid. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2413 The good news, President Trump, is that you only weigh 239 pounds. 1.3051 0.05710 118 92 16 10
2414 All of your horses and all of your men will never make you healthy again. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2415 The Royal Jewels are fine. The issue with the sceptre can be addressed with a prescription and a little extra effort from the Queen. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2416 It's bad, but I can say you are the most healthy king in history. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2417 Your results came back. The body natural is fine! The body politic...however... 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
2418 Medicare for all means all. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2419 I'll have to record your real weight, not 239 pounds. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
2420 Your kingdom for a cure. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2421 Sorry,you can't 'have it your way' with a pre-existing condition. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
2422 And for your insurance provider you’ve just written ‘divine right to vitality’... 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
2423 Midas... you can't keep doing this every time you run out of Viagra. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2424 Your robe is on backwards. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2425 No, I will not be bowing down prostate before you. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2426 Still bringing your own hospital gowns I see. 1.3043 0.04811 115 83 29 3
2427 Unfortunately, your horses and men are not in network. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2428 Just repeating "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown" over and over again isn't really helping me with your symptoms. 1.3043 0.04811 115 83 29 3
2429 I'm sorry. We have no record of King Trump. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2430 Now on, I'm afraid , you won't be giving the royal shaft to anyone. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2431 Your jewels are in remarkable shape for a monarch of your age. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2432 We ran out of the paper robes. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2433 Sorry, Your Majesty, but there is no known cure for a royal pain in the butt. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2434 Feeling low, your Highness? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2435 Don’t worry. A few beheadings, some leeches, and you’ll be back on the throne in no time. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2436 Have you heard the saying "The king is dead, long live the king"? 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2437 Again, your coat should be open on the back side. 1.3043 0.04669 138 102 30 6
2438 …and be sure to take the Hemlock with food. It should clear up in a fortnight. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2439 I thought we agreed to lay off the burgers. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2440 In light of your preference for saying 'Off with his head' your lab results show you're in the most perfect health of any king ever. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2441 Let me put this plainly, King to OR 2. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2442 It says here that if you have the Midas Touch, you have to be careful where you touch yourself ... 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2443 It's an affliction common to people of your stature -- it's called kleptocracy. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2444 You'll need new clothes. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2445 It's an expensive treatment, but it's cheaper than your kingdom and more important than a horse. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2446 It says here you're having frequent declarations. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2447 The labs all look good, Mr. Decker. I am concerned, however, that you believe you're the President. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2448 I'm sorry, but minimum co-pay is a king's ransom, no exceptions. 1.3043 0.05816 115 90 15 10
2449 The note from your previous doctor says you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.3043 0.05816 115 90 15 10
2450 Speaking as your proctologist, it sounds like a royal pain in the ass. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2451 How many Lords a Leaping was that? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2452 No; a royal decree does not overrule my orders for you to eat healthy and exercise more. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2453 How would you describe this 'pain in the ass'? 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2454 My bill for today's appointment is a king's ransom. 1.3043 0.05816 115 90 15 10
2455 So you say you’re Santa and the King of Antarctica? Hmmmm...clearest case of Bipolar Disorder I’ve seen. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2456 I’d say, it’s time to call for your fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2457 And lay off the hey-nonny-nonnying with your fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2458 Fine about the fiddlers three, but you've got to quit calling for your pipe. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2459 I am sorry to say ,President Trump, that there is no pill, the only cure is a very long stay at Lockhimup Camp. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2460 I’m afraid a Royal Pardon for your bill is out of the question 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2461 The jester is in-network, but I’m out of network. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2462 I said prostate not prostrate. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2463 Getting the coat on is a good first step. For the follow up let’s try underwear 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2464 We” need to lose 30 pounds 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2465 I was referring to your Crown Jewels. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2466 You have a Royal pain in the ass. Very common. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2467 It doesn't look like there's a physical explanation for your inflated ego...Have you tried meditation? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2468 We’ll call it a disease of kings! 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2469 Yes, Humpty Dumpty was my patient, but your case is entirely different. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2470 Can you clarify what you mean by "family jewels?" 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2471 I'm glad you came in when you did. If you had waited another 600 years this could have been much more serious. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2472 I'm afraid the dragon is not your son. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2473 I DO know who you are. You're still going to have to reduce your salt intake. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2474 It appears all your horses and all your men are busy working on someone else at the moment. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2475 Well, by gosh, you're right! Royalty IS exempt from colonoscopies. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2476 This is going to cost you a king's ransom. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2477 I'm giving you a script for a pipe, a bowl and fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2478 Billing said sovereign coverage is not on our list of approved insurers. Cash or crown? 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2479 I recommend that you cut down on those four-and-twenty blackbird pies. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2480 Your results are back. It's not clear why you're having these delusions of grandeur. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2481 That was awkward, in a ‘reversal and recognition’ kind of way. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2482 You may be the King of burgers, but you need a quadruple bypass. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2483 Remember when you said that I was a royal pain in the ass? 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2484 No more pipe and bowl, but you can maintain your current level of fiddlers three. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
2485 I’m afraid your family history indicates you’re at an elevated risk of regicide. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2486 Let’s talk about you having a coronary.. not a coronation. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2487 I will try to put this delicately. There is a kink in your royal plumbing. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2488 Let’s talk about family history. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2489 The good news is your blood work looks good. The bad news is there’s a guy downstairs with a horse who says a deal’s a deal. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2490 Your queen, my lord, has requested yet another enlargement of your royal prodigiousness.” 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2491 In conclusion, you've been diagnosed with high maintenance disorder. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2492 I doubt even you could afford this required procedure. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2493 Well, we've found that patients are more relaxed during their prostate exams when they feel in control. 1.3043 0.05548 115 88 19 8
2494 Let me put it this way: winter is coming. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2495 The royal treatment isn't covered under your plan. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2496 Well, it’s going to take most of your gold. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2497 Sorry, your highness, the blood is still red, not blue. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
2498 We have checked it twice - there is no Royal DNA in your blood. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
2499 Do you use the throne regularly? 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
2500 You’re overweight for 50, but you’re fit for a king. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2501 I’ll skip the cheap jokes about a royal pain this time, Your Highness. You’ve got gout. 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
2502 Did you say royal pain? 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
2503 I’m afraid we need to decapitate. 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
2504 In this case it's not "good to be the king." 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
2505 No collusion, no coverup.... 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
2506 Your legacy looks good but I think it might be time to check your ego. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2507 You’ll need to consult an alchemist. 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
2508 Now I see what you mean by a 'royal pain in the ass.' 1.3009 0.05745 113 88 16 9
2509 Coverage has been denied for you and Humpty Dumpty. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2510 I believe that you are suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2511 Be that as it may, you're going to have to cut back on the hamburgers. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2512 Yes, well, sometimes it happens to royal scepters, too. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2513 For the exam, the robe opening must be in the back. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2514 I know the policy is you can bring your own robe but.... 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2515 Sorry, your HMO only covers gowns, not robes. 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2516 Tell me again, how long did you stay on the throne ? 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2517 The bad news: you have salmonella. The good news: Burger King would like you to represent them 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2518 And where do you feel these royal pains? 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2519 It says here that you have an obsession about winning at chess. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2520 Your crown jewels are enlarged. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2521 You're allergies include silk, ermine, fine wools and starchy cottons. Any thoughts on new clothes? 1.3009 0.05606 113 87 18 8
2522 If you weren't the king I'd ask for my thermometer back!" 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2523 It's just an old cold, King 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2524 I'm going to be Frank with you - it looks like a pretty bad case of Charle-mange. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2525 You said the tower got stuck where, now? 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2526 It’s about time for your Old King Colonoscopy 1.3009 0.05745 113 88 16 9
2527 The tests show you’re in checkmate. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2528 On a scale of one to ten, Mr. Cole, how merry an old soul are you feeling today? 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2529 Hmmm, the Kingdom Health Fund will not cover your procedure. 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
2530 You think you’re in royal pain now - wait until you get the bill. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2531 You’ll need a dentist to replace that crown 1.3009 0.05606 113 87 18 8
2532 I'm afraid you may be suffering from delusions of grandeur. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
2533 You are doing well today, Edward, but there is that upcoming torture to think about. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
2534 It appears it was the four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie that caused the problem. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2535 Unexpected heir growth is actually quite common in your line of work 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
2536 So, you're having problems sitting on the throne? 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2537 I'm covering for Merlin today, Your Majesty... 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2538 I recommend cutting back on the Whoppers. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2539 Technically, its hemorrhoids, but I suppose you're right; "Royal Pain in the Ass" would also be accurate. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2540 I think you need to ease up on the burgers Mr. King. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2541 My guess is you just ate a bad burger, king. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2542 It says here that you've been spending too much time on the throne lately. 1.3000 0.04926 110 80 27 3
2543 Just as I feared, your highness. You have contracted republicanism...and it’s terminal. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2544 I understand your family history is rather complicated. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2545 It's the crown jewels, I'm afraid, not the jeweled crown. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2546 Please tell the Queen that "a royal pain in the ass" is not a real medical condition 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2547 I'm sorry your highness. I can't write you a note to get you out of having your head chopped off by 'the dirty peasants. 1.3000 0.04926 110 80 27 3
2548 Your diagnosis is you'll only be reigning for 6 more months. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2549 It's a rare form of "Trumpism." 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2550 Yes, Your Majesty, but other than the Queen? 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2551 Your Royal pain will require a colonoscopy, Your Highness. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2552 I’m afraid your blue blood level is quite low, your Majesty. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2553 I'm sorry, Brad, the delusion is not responding to penicillin. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2554 I’m afraid the only treatment for your constipation would be a royal flush. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2555 So Your Majesty, you think this gold thing is a problem? 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2556 Well, your majesty, We need to lose weight, take Our blood pressure medicine and make sure We get plenty of rest. Do We understand? 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2557 Tentatively we're just calling it a royal flush. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2558 I'm afraid you may not be amenable to the necessary procedure to cure your "coronary problem." 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2559 Your cholesterol is down but your delusions of grandeur have escalated. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2560 As usual, you are in perfect health with the physique and virility of a man 20 years your junior. 1.3000 0.05104 120 90 24 6
2561 I'm sorry but your test results indicate that you're no longer "a merry old soul." 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2562 How long since your last royal flush? 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2563 You know your blood IS in fact red just like everyone else’s, and your have syphilis. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2564 So can you perhaps explain this? - it says here, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown".. ? 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2565 Well, Your Majesty, it looks like it's going to be "your kingdom for your life". 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2566 Respectfully, pleaae remove your crown and robe so I can examine Your Royal Hiney. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2567 It looks like you’re worrying about spending a lot of time on the other throne. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2568 The literature on “Royal Pain in the Ass” is unfortunately sparse. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2569 I see you gave my receptionist a royal decree forbidding all colonoscopies... 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2570 How much time did you say that you sit on the throne each day? 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2571 Now,you understand family jewels is just an expression? 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2572 You’re going to have to consider becoming the Salad King. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2573 Yes, you will have to do what we like to call the "Royal Flush" prior to your colonoscopy. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2574 Lay off the pipe and bowl, and I'll let you keep one fiddler. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2575 The bloodwork has come back. You have acute osteophyterediosis, commonly referred to as a Royal Pain." 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2576 Believe me, you’re not the first Burger King to grapple with high cholesterol. 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2577 Before I describe your test results Your Grace, please seal this short release allowing me to keep my head. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2578 If you want to stay a merry old soul, stop calling for your pipe and calling for your bowl. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2579 Which Henry did you say you were? 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2580 I'm sorry sire, we don't recognize the sword of Damocles as an actual medical condition. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2581 ...but the good news is you can't be impeached. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2582 No, it says right here, this procedure isn't covered because I'm out of network. 1.3000 0.05855 110 86 15 9
2583 Remember, the greatest kings on earth still sit on where your problem is. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2584 The tests came back. You do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2585 I’m afraid you have a king-size tumor. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2586 The numbers look good...they're redacted but they look good. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2587 I don't know where I would even find any leeches. 1.3000 0.05239 120 91 22 7
2588 Unfortunately, it's checkmate. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2589 The better your insurance, the better your hospital gown. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2590 Your HMO denied the pre-authorization for three fiddlers. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
2591 Sorry to tell you this sir, but you’re royally f***ed 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2592 We call it Game of Thrones Syndrome. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2593 I've never seen anything like it. Your gold levels are through the roof... 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2594 Would it be a ‘royal pain in the ass’ or a ‘’pain in the royal ass’? 1.3000 0.05711 110 85 17 8
2595 For a 70 year old stripper, you're in great shape Mr. Lear. 1.3000 0.04926 110 80 27 3
2596 I think you need to lay off the Imperial Margarine”. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
2597 It is a royal pain, indeed 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2598 I'd suggest laying off the Whoppers. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2599 You might want to get your crowns in order. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2600 As far as I can tell you're fit for a king. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
2601 The good news is you'll be up and about just in time for the Game of Thrones finale. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
2602 From these results, I'd say horse disagrees with you. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2603 Your Highness - I will now take a peek at that royal pain 1.2982 0.05700 114 89 16 9
2604 You know, I really do insist that my patients wear the gown. Oh, and bad news, you're dying. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2605 It's just as we suspected. You do, indeed, have a merry, old soul. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2606 Have you started thinking of an heir? 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2607 At least you should have no trouble covering hospital fees. 1.2973 0.04889 111 81 27 3
2608 I’m afraid we have discovered that your blood is, in fact, red. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2609 Gold, you say. 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
2610 Well, Your Highness, there are pains, and then there are royal pains... 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
2611 well, your souls merry but your liver is in bad shape. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2612 Looks like the pot is the reason for Your Highness 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
2613 It says here that your last doctor diagnosed you as overly groveling to your enemies. To me, it appears to be a bad case of gout in both knees. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2614 I'm referring you to a dentist--I don't remove old crowns. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2615 That chart is wrong. I'm not overweight. I am too short I can't change that. 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2616 Yes, it is a "royal" illness, but not in a good way. 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
2617 Just a little blue pill, taken as needed, and you'll have an heir to the throne in no time. 1.2973 0.04719 111 80 29 2
2618 After extensive testing and of the tag kingsoutfitters.com,we are quite sure you actually wearing new clothes. 1.2973 0.05808 111 87 15 9
2619 Your rectal exam was normal, Your Majesty, but we should repeat it next year, even if it is a pain in the royal ass. 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
2620 You seem to be missing a heart, Mr. Trump 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
2621 Actually, Gout is more common than many think. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
2622 It burns when we pee. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2623 So, Mr. Cole, it says here that you are no longer a merry old soul. What seems to be the problem? 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2624 Sir, we've talked about this before. You are not the fittest king of all time, and I refuse to say that you are. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2625 Er, no, I haven't heard of the Royal Treatment, but I'm guessing that you'd have to be a royal pain to get it. 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2626 I thought we agreed to let THEM eat cake 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
2627 Well, the bowl and fiddlers three aren't a problem. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2628 You'll be needing an heir..... 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2629 I'm afraid you have the liver of a commoner. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2630 You need to cut back on the mead. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2631 OK, Your Majesty, Up with the robe and bend over. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2632 It looks like somebody's been a merry old soul! 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2633 I recommend less Blue Cross, more Blue Shield. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2634 Have you given any thought to a rightful heir? 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2635 According to the Special Counsel's report, you should really be on life support right now. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2636 I'm sorry to tell you that it’s not so good to be the king. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2637 If I tell you this is really, really serious, will you sign for the 25th Amendment? 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2638 There must be some mistake here. It says "The king is dead" 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2639 I'm sorry to say you're blood is normal. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2640 Take two viagra and call me in the morning. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2641 True, the people shout, “ long live the King” but that alone won’t lower your cholesterol. 1.2963 0.04790 108 78 28 2
2642 You’re going to have to stop eating meals fit for a king. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2643 Maybe you should see a psychologist instead 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2644 Well, it appears the knees aren't the first thing to go. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2645 Well, you have a royal pain. Just kidding, it's cancer. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2646 Sorry you Majesty but from now it's ixnay on the pipe, plus a lot less bowl. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2647 Cut back on the Whoppers. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2648 You have a sore throat and delusions of modesty 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2649 Yes - you were king for the day, but that day was last week. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
2650 Sorry Emperor, wearing your "new clothes" all winter has led to a case of pneumonia. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2651 Physically, you're fine. Mentally...well...... 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2652 It's a royal pain in the ass, your Highness. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2653 I"m thinking nobody has mentioned this to you , Your Majesty--you have bad breath." 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2654 I'm sorry sire, but we don't accept your current HMO. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2655 Yes, I suppose going to battle counts as a form of regular exercise. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2656 So, you're experiencing a royal pain in the ass?" 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2657 It’s just a commoner cold. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2658 Diagnosis: "You have a merry old soul". 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2659 Mr. King, all your troubles are behind you now, so please have your robe open from the back. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2660 Looks like your reign is bout over. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2661 I'm sorry, but you are full of BS, and we need to do a Royal Flush. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2662 It says in you chart that the queen has complained that you are no longer king sized" 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
2663 ...so you've tried leeching. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2664 Royal pain in the neck, you say? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2665 It's all those cheeseburgers . . . . 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2666 For the last time, I'm not your Subject. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2667 You pooped out the jewels 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2668 rank does have its privilege but crowns are covered under the dental rider 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2669 In layman's terms...A Royal Pain in the Butt. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2670 No, your highness. You're fine. Crowning, is a different thing entirley. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
2671 Shall we discuss a payment plan? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2672 You say you were overthrown but your CT scan shows only a slight betrayal. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2673 The good news is, it's not a brain tumor. The bad news is, you've got to take off the crown. 1.2963 0.04790 108 78 28 2
2674 You can call your fiddlers three, but as a Merry Old Soul, drop the pipe. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2675 You could stand to lose a few stone. 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
2676 Majesty, I believe that replacing the chess floor of the kitchen will be better for your heart. 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
2677 So at first you were mistakenly referred to a dentist to have a crown removed?” 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
2678 Of course you should be king—I've never met such a young, vibrant man. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
2679 Sorry for any confusion--King reflects my surname, not the type of doctoring I do. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
2680 Time to take a look at the royal jewels. 1.2963 0.04790 108 78 28 2
2681 As your proctologist, I have to say you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
2682 You're being pummeled by wave after wave of a ruling class disease. We've named it Serfs Up. 1.2946 0.05016 112 83 25 4
2683 I'm afraid the gold has spread to... well, everywhere. 1.2946 0.04853 112 82 27 3
2684 Sorry, I don't accept reign checks... 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
2685 You have a male heir, right?” 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
2686 Looks like a case of King salmonella 1.2946 0.05762 112 88 15 9
2687 We don’t accept MediCare. 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
2688 The problem is you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
2689 I'm sorry sir, but we have to remove your crown 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
2690 The bad news? You have every STD ever. The good news? Monarchies and dictatorships are 'in' again. 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
2691 Have you considered being the king of something other than burgers? 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
2692 Feet of clay. 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
2693 I’m well aware of your status, but you got to cut out the burgers. 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
2694 The labs don't lie. King Schming. Your shit actually DOES stink. 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
2695 The good news is the tumor is benevolent 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
2696 Remember that nursery rhyme -- 'All the King's horses and all the King's men? 1.2936 0.05099 109 81 24 4
2697 How long have you been unable to get the crown off your head? 1.2936 0.04754 109 79 28 2
2698 The good news is, it's a kingsize tumor. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
2699 It appears Your Majesty has an iron fist. 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
2700 Old King Cole was a mighty soul but he is no match against the spring flu. 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
2701 ...but you can still have your fiddlers three. 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
2702 You've lost your touch... 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
2703 Well King Cole while you are getting older you still have reasons to be happy. 1.2936 0.04929 109 80 26 3
2704 Much as I hate to say this, finding an heir should be your top priority. 1.2936 0.04929 109 80 26 3
2705 The royal pain in the ass you describe is actually hemorrhoids. 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
2706 You realize you can’t eat only cheese and wine, right? 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
2707 Hmmm. Can’t make another heir to the throne. Huh? 1.2936 0.04929 109 80 26 3
2708 Has anyone ever told you you’re a royal pain in the ass 1.2936 0.04929 109 80 26 3
2709 You were stung by a queen bee. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
2710 Well, your highness, I'm sorry to hear your wife has left you, but happy to report that the royal pain in your ass seems to have cleared up! 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
2711 Our records don't go back that far. 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
2712 You are the healthiest king ever! 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
2713 I'm afraid your health insurance does not cover The Royal Treatment. 1.2936 0.05099 109 81 24 4
2714 You'll just have to tell everyone that there's no known cure for a royal pain in the ass 1.2936 0.05099 109 81 24 4
2715 Your royal flush will begin the day before the procedure. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
2716 It’s no big deal, but yeah, the gown is meant to be open in the back. 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
2717 Stop staring at my eyebrow, man! 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
2718 Yes, it really is a royal pain... 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
2719 I'm concerned that the royal blood has turned an off-shade of blue. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2720 I'm afraid it's going to cost a king's ransom to treat this. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2721 I'm sure it's Royal, sire. But if you could, please be more specific on exactly what type of pain it is?" 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2722 Our robes not good enough for you? 1.2925 0.05522 106 81 19 6
2723 No, there is treatment for being a royal pain in the ass. 1.2925 0.05522 106 81 19 6
2724 We treat royal pain the same as any other. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2725 I understand the confusion, but the robe should open in the back. 1.2925 0.05186 106 79 23 4
2726 Ah Mr. Lancealot, I see in your chart that you like to sing and dance a lot. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2727 I'm afraid that your DNA test doesn't validate your claim to the monarchy, your highness 1.2925 0.05010 106 78 25 3
2728 I deeply regret that I must tell you that the monarchy is dead. 1.2925 0.05682 106 82 17 7
2729 Sorry, but you are going to have to give up your pipe and bowl, and I'm cutting you down to ONE fiddler. 1.2925 0.05186 106 79 23 4
2730 I recommend becoming Salad King. 1.2925 0.05522 106 81 19 6
2731 That’s pronounced...“Crohn’s” disease. 1.2920 0.05577 113 88 17 8
2732 ...and how long did you say you've been feeling that the crown sits heavy on thy head? 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
2733 I'm afraid you have acute Thronebosis. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
2734 Umm, no, I don't believe raising the drawbridge will prevent the asthma attacks. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
2735 Now you understand the consequences of neglecting your yearly affluenza vaccination. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
2736 You’re fit for a you. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
2737 I'm sorry, but this looks like checkmate. 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
2738 If you would please disrobe now your Highness, I need to appraise the Family Jewels 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
2739 It’s called a prostate exam not a royal pain in the ass. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
2740 With this new medication I am sure you'll be spending more time on the throne, just not THE throne. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
2741 The next stage is communism 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
2742 What if I told you that you are also the King of not taking care of your cholesterol? 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
2743 So it's what you've been putting in your pipe that accounts for your merry old soul? 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
2744 Might be time for a "Young King Wenceslas" to ascend to the Throne. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
2745 Your blue blood cell count is a little high.” 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2746 Your test results are normal but you're still a royal pain. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2747 And where is this royal pain? 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2748 How many goblets a day? 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2749 Any history of guillotine in the family? 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2750 Even with all of your horses and all of your men, we can't regrow cartilage. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2751 Sorry, you've been checkmated. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2752 Your throne is behind the second door on the left. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2753 I hope the prince is in better shape. 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2754 More salads, less blackbird pies. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2755 Overindulgence, Your Majesty. Out, out, damned gout! 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2756 Call the pain royal if you want, but it's still hemorrhoids. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2757 I'm afraid "royal" isn't a real blood type 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2758 It looks like a problem with you autocracy immune system. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2759 Royal pains, huh? Those must run in the family. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2760 A crown and robe is not a cure, Mr. Trump. 1.2885 0.05905 104 82 14 8
2761 I’m sorry, but your health insurance doesn’t cover this. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2762 You are right. Hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2885 0.05905 104 82 14 8
2763 When I said "we need to exercise more", that was a use of the "royal we". 1.2885 0.04668 104 75 28 1
2764 No, Your Highness, my simply saying,"Long live the King," will not obviate the need for a prostate examination. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2765 You can't have it your way. No more burgers and fries. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2766 Your cholesterol is way too high. I suggest you cut out the burgers and become Tofu King. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2767 if you want to live to be a merry old soul, you have to stop smoking. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2768 Physically you are in great shape, but you are still going to have to work on the idea that you rule your apartment complex. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2769 On the bright side, being beheaded is a great way to lose that winter weight. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2770 All you need is a royal flush. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2771 My report says you're allergic to gold, ermine, and blackbird pie. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2772 Congratulations. You are the healthiest man I have ever come across. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2773 Get ready, it’s a Whopper. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2774 Yes, hemorroids are a royal pain.. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2775 I'm afraid a lordship won't cover the cost of your treatment. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2776 We refer to it as a royal pain in the gluteus maximus. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2777 Your test results are back. Who is the next in line for the throne? 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2778 Well it definitely says King William the Confused on my notes. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2779 You can move in any direction. That’s great. But one step doesn’t count as a walk. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2780 Your labs came back. It’s a royal pain in the ass. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2781 I'm afraid you're suffering from "Heavy Head Syndrome." We're doing research into possible cures, but start by sleeping without the crown. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2782 I'm afraid it's hospital policy that you wear one of our gowns. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2783 The results are in--now everything you touch will turn to silver. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2784 I'm ordering a colonoscopy, even though it's a pain in the royal ass. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2785 So where is this royal pain you’ve been complaining about? 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2786 You really want me to sign this non-disclosure to the queen? 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2787 It say's here that your condition is hereditary! 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2788 All the fake test say you are well. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2789 With all due respect your highness, That’s not where you put the silver spoon. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2790 How often are you going to the throne? 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2791 After a few more visits you'll be the Queen of England. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2792 It says here you're having 'scepter' dysfunction problems. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2793 How long have you had this ‘royal pain in the ass?’ 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2794 I have confirmed that what you have is a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2795 Too many visits to the throne, eh? 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2796 Are you sure you don't need a psychiatrist ? 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2797 I won't sugar coat your problem. You're royally screwed. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2798 I think you should either cut out pies completely, or at least reduce the number of blackbirds baked into them. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2799 You're 243 lbs. without the crown and robe. 1.2885 0.05905 104 82 14 8
2800 So you're saying your head feels heavy. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2801 The good news is that you are not Burger King. The bad news is that you are not Santa Claus either. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2802 I'm going to need you to disrobe. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2803 Sure, you write the report for the poor masses and I’ll sign it. But I’m afraid I can’t forge your tax returns. Just disrobe before you leave the office, Emperor. 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2804 You say you started feeling ill after dividing your kingdom amongst your three daughters? 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2805 Well, I think you've called for your pipe and called for your bowl a little too often. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2806 Notice any blood in your chamber pot? 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2807 This is just a royal pain in the ass. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2808 The transplant was successful. You have a flush! 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2809 And when was the last time you were able to see your merry, old soles? 1.2885 0.04864 104 76 26 2
2810 You would describe the pain as “Royal”? 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2811 All I'm saying is, while you may claim to be a descendant of God, that doesn't take away from the fact that you have kidney stones, and they will hurt 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2812 Unfortunately, we don't have any blue in our blood bank. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2813 If you insist: hear ye, hear ye! His royal highnesses' strep test is negative! 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2814 That royal pain in the ass is a king size hemorrhoid. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2815 I didn't mean 'everything's golden' as good news, Mr. Midas. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2816 Staying warm is good. The crown, not so much. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2817 Heavy is the body that wears your cholesterol problem. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2818 Well, the good news is we’ve discovered why your head feels uneasy. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2819 Au contraire, your highness. Crown syndrome is a thing. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2820 I agree. It IS a royal pain. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2821 Well, Bob, it appears you got fleas from that costume. 1.2885 0.05905 104 82 14 8
2822 From the tests, you seem to be allergic to gold and fur. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2823 You want me to increase your anti depressants so you can remain a merry old soul? 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2824 No Mr. Davis, I said if you don't start eating right you're going to have a coronary not a coronation. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2825 Sometimes it's not good to be king 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2826 Tis is no jest, you hve the clap. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2827 Sorry, Your Majesty, ... but, your kingly crown can't be held as ransom to cover your hospital stay per health insurance rules! 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2828 Just so I understand, you want me to report that your annual physical determined that you are in actuality a king. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2829 Dick, they tell me you tried to trade your kingdom for a horse. What's been going on with you lately? 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2830 Just as I thought. The only way to get rid of your neck pain is to take that thing off when you sleep. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2831 This prescription for Imodium should keep you off the throne for a while." 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2832 Good news and Bad news. I found your scepter,but you won't be able to see where I found it. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2833 I'm afraid the pipe and the bowl will have to go, your Majesty, but you may keep the fiddlers three. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2834 Unfortunately, the tests confirm your blood is in fact blue. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2835 Me thinks two aspirin should ease the head that wears the crown 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2836 I'm afraid it's hemorrhoids, sire. They're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2837 Donald,you are the healthiest King I have ever examined. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2838 It looks like the iron in your blood turned to lead in your ass. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2839 'Your cholesterol level is a whopper'. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2840 You coat needs cleaning; your beard should be trimmed; your crown is getting rusty; outside of that you are fine. 1.2885 0.05905 104 82 14 8
2841 My professional opinion? I’d say you do have clothes. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2842 Where's your royal pain this week? 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2843 I"m afraid your reign has come to an end. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2844 I’ve been looking over the x-rays. Look it would be a very difficult procedure and painful. If I were you I’d just keep telling people it is a crown. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2845 Yes, in your case the exam WOULD be a Royal pain in the ass. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2846 Today, it’s not so good to be king. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2847 Yes Sire, but medically we call them hemorrhoids ... 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2848 You're going to need a statin now that you and the Queen of Hearts are divorcing. 1.2885 0.05905 104 82 14 8
2849 Sorry, sir, the results don't show any royal blood to speak of. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2850 It's not covered. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2851 Four and twenty blackbirds? 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2852 It seems your soul is old, but not so merry, Mr. Cole. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2853 The good news is, your head is still attached to your body. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2854 Hemmoroids! A royal pain in the ass! 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2855 What kind of pain in the ass did you say you had? 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2856 I've got bad news. You no longer have a "merry old soul." 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2857 Have you ever thought of becoming the Kale King? 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2858 Taking the iron throne will not have any impact on your anemia. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2859 It appears that His Majesty will need to eat more of the Royal Vegetables and less of the Royal Beef. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2860 Of course it's a royal pain! 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2861 You may be fit for a king but you’re not fit. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2862 It says here you’re self insured. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2863 You seriously own a castle? 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2864 Dave, please stop this ridiculous charade 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2865 So, how often have you been experiencing these delusions of grandeur? 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2866 You're definately the healthiest king there ever was or will be, your majesty. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2867 No, your vassals can't do your Pilates for you. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2868 A little Botox and we’ll have you back to a Young King Cole before you know it ... 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2869 Could be hemorrhoids...or just a royal pain in the ass. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2870 I’m referring you to a urologist to look into your issues with the royal wee. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2871 Is this covered by my HMO? 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2872 You might like to hear, "Long live the King," but if you don't change your diet and lower your cholesterol, they'll be saying it about someone else. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2873 Besides dribbling, any problems with the royal wee? 1.2885 0.06213 104 84 10 10
2874 I'm afraid you've got a case of inherited white male patriarchy. The good news is, there's a cure for that now. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2875 Would you describe it as a "royal pain"? 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2876 It’s good to be the king, except for when the king has a nasty STD. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
2877 you are a young,vibrant man 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2878 The best I can do is give you an inter-regnum diagnosis. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2879 If you're having trouble on the throne, try more fiber. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
2880 We found your birth records,and unfortunately you were meant to be Santa Claus. 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
2881 Your Highness, I never thought I’d say this: You’ve broken your crown. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2882 I’m afraid there’s nothing to be done. It’s hereditary. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2883 I'm afraid you have coronary thronebosis. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
2884 My lord, this looks bad. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
2885 Arthur, do you mind if I call you Arthur? Now you're not saying you've been struck by a lance often but that you were assaulted by a lance a lot. I'm not sure I understand the difference. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
2886 Well, your diagnosis is a real whopper. 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
2887 Your urologist sent these notes about the Royal Wee. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
2888 No, yours is red just like everyone else's. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
2889 From which of the seven kingdoms do you come? 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
2890 You have two weeks to live. Checkmate. 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
2891 Does that have buttons in the back? 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
2892 Your royal pain in the ass is a hemorrhoid. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2893 So the tests show that you can't see clothing. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2894 You have a royal pain in the butt. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2895 Your insurance company is now the legal heir to your throne. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2896 It’s a royal flush. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2897 I had an uncle who thought he was Elvis, but apart from that, no history of mental illness. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2898 Maybe if you stop watching the last season of 'Game of Thrones" your blood pressure would be lower. 1.2843 0.05973 102 81 13 8
2899 I have some news, and it's a whopper. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2900 And when did you stop feeling like a merry old soul? 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2901 Disrobe, please 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2902 The good news is that you are going to live. The bad news is that you are a white privileged male and are Public Enemy Number 1. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2903 Unsurprisingly, your prostate is "King-Sized." 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2904 The good news is it appears you ARE in fact Aegon Targaryen, son Rhaegar, Prince of Dragonstone, and rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The bad news is it’s fatal. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2905 Certainly hemorrhoids are a common ailment. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2906 In my professional opinion you are like "the emperor with no clothes" but with clothes. 1.2843 0.05973 102 81 13 8
2907 You're supposed to be wearing those latex gloves you just threw out 24 hours a day, King Midas. Take another pair before you touch anybody else in my office, please. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2908 Negative. You just think you are a king. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2909 Plainly stated, Sire, methinks thou should'st seek counsel with thy urologist, as the Royal Prostate hath these in 12 months past enlarg'd." 1.2843 0.04902 102 75 25 2
2910 seems you have a touch of the Midas flu 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2911 Yes... you are looking rather flushed. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2912 If you're the Emperor , then yes , I can see your clothes. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2913 So... the Royal pain in the ass was literal. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2914 Keep the crown, lose the robe. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2915 So between 1 and 10...how severe is this royal pain? 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2916 During your exam, you will likely feel how your subjects feel about you, Your Majesty. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2917 See, this is what happens when you always have it your way. 1.2843 0.05973 102 81 13 8
2918 Sir, for the last time, I don't care if you are royalty, you still half to pay the fee 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2919 Where exactly are you experiencing this royal pain? 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2920 ...and continue being careful what you touch 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2921 King Donald, it says here that you're 25 years old, way 150 pounds, exercise five days a week and are a Vegan, right? 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2922 How many goblets are we talking here? 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2923 I'm afraid you have a royal pain in the ass." 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2924 It says here that you weigh 239 pounds... 1.2843 0.06133 102 82 11 9
2925 Listen, Mister Needleman, I know it's you. Prostate's fine, still, hasn't changed from last week and the week before. But all the dressing up every time--. I liked the cowboy better. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2926 Three fiddlers are fine, but lay off the pipe and take smaller portions in your bowl. You should feel a whole lot merrier within a week. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2927 Fine then. Turn your head and decree. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2928 Sorry, YourMajesty, but we will need you to put on that paper smock” 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2929 Sorry to say, but you have no clothes! 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2930 Looks like you’re a Royal pain in the ass. 1.2843 0.05973 102 81 13 8
2931 Sire, your gown is on backwards. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2932 Yes, your colonoscopy will be a royal pain in the butt. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2933 The good news is that you can afford a King’s ransom” 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2934 As long as you take your medication, and continue exercising and avoiding sugar and alcohol, no, I don’t see how a decree or two could hurt. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2935 Well, of course your sleep is uneasy. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2936 I'm sorry, your majesty, all of your horses and all of your men couldn't put your friend Mr. Dumpty back together again. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2937 And it says, here, you drink 3 meads... a day? 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2938 You're lonely? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2939 It looks like monarchlukiosis, sire. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2940 Nice crown. You have cancer. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2941 You didn’t expect to rule forever, did you? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2942 I'm afraid Divine Right doesn't include Eternal Life. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2943 I'm afraid our office no longer accepts your insurance. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2944 I am sorry, Your Highness, but the opening has to be in back. 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2945 You don't have VD, but you are royally screwed. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2946 According to your lab test, the King is dead. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2947 The lab results indicate that you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2948 Yes, I understand . . . but the Double Whopper has got to go. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2949 It might be time to retire, Mr Lear. Don't you have daughters who could take over? 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2950 So it says here that His Majesty is concerned about the size of his kingdom. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2951 So, it turns out that royal-pain-in-the-butt actually is a medical condition." 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2952 Well : your Majesty . You know that saying : The King is dead long live the King " 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2953 You're going to have to cut back on that four and twenty blackbird pie regimen. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2954 You have what we in the medical community refer to as a royal pain in the ass. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2955 Donald you're delusional. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2956 When I suggested lifestyle changes, this is not quite what I had in mind. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2957 The condition is treatable; but it will require a king's ransom. 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2958 I’m well aware that heavy is the head that wears the crown, Your Majesty, but that hardly explains your cholesterol levels. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2959 The fiddlers are harmless, go easy on the bowl, but you gotta get rid of the pipe. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2960 You really need to rest. I don't think a visit to the Macbeths is a good idea. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2961 Unfortunately your deductible is a kings ransom. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2962 And how does Mrs. Claus feel about the crown? 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2963 I'd say king-size orders is your weight problem. 1.2843 0.04902 102 75 25 2
2964 Should I just bill HBO for this check-up? 1.2843 0.06290 102 83 9 10
2965 Wow, your blood is actually blue. Sorry about that. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2966 According to this report, no obstruction has been found." Jill R. Davis, St. Paul, MN 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2967 Just as I feared, you have malignant kingcissism. A lot of that going around right now. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2968 The diagnosis code reads: “Royal pain in the ass, unspecified.” 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2969 No more burgers. 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2970 So do your joints hurt when it rains, or when you reign? 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2971 A royal pain in the ass...Any other symptoms? 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2972 I'm sorry, your highness - all symptoms seem to indicate serious abdication." 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2973 Checkmate, Your Highness 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2974 Your biopsy shows malignant narcissism,resistant to reason or confrontations with actual facts. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2975 Your Highness is blood pressure. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2976 Your latest personality may not fit in with our current national interests. I suggest you think of being more Presidential. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2977 So, you got your teeth crowned in high school? 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2978 "Your majesty, I'm your new physician, Dr. Reginald Side. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2979 ....so you say your body’s a king all over? 1.2843 0.06133 102 82 11 9
2980 More fiber and then you can abdicate. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
2981 I’m not saying you can’t sit on a throne, but I’m recommending you get one with better lumbar support. 1.2843 0.05096 102 76 23 3
2982 A doctor fit for a king 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2983 But first, Sire--You have the gown on backwards . . . 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2984 Well you certainly are the king of heart failure. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2985 You've heard of 'King for a Day?' 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2986 Yes! You’re royally screwed... 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2987 You wearing a crown doesn't mean your wife will magically feel like a queen. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2988 I'm sorry to report that the Crown Jewels have become a bit, shall we say, tarnished. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2989 No sir, I don't think wearing a crown and royal robes makes you crazy: BUT, you need to wear something under your robe or your going to get arrested. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
2990 Just lop off two heads and call me in the morning. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
2991 On a scale of royal pain to severe pain, how do you feel? 1.2830 0.04972 106 79 24 3
2992 This royal pain thing. . . is this a work-related condition? 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
2993 Three daughters, a seven Glenn father, kingdom to run; of course u have some issues 1.2828 0.05185 99 74 22 3
2994 Sorry, King Coal. It's 'Black Lung Disease'. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
2995 Yes, it could be from the stress of seeing your troubled family history acted out on Game of Thrones.” 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
2996 Before I give you my diagnosis, please promise you will not touch me. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
2997 Would you like to add your vassals to the plan? 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
2998 Your need to eat more oat bran; you're not sitting on that other throne enough. 1.2804 0.05108 107 81 22 4
2999 Checkmate! 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3000 Your royal prostate will need to be excommunicated. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3001 I looked at your family records and your problem appears to be hereditary. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3002 You are wearing the wrong robe. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3003 I don't think having a royal pain counts as a symptom. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3004 That's not what I meant when I said a richer diet. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3005 You say your last doctor claimed your health was perfect?! 1.2800 0.06044 100 80 12 8
3006 As a matter of fact, it is a royal pain in your ass. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3007 I'll sign it as is, but you spelled "supremely vigorous" wrong. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3008 Less pipe. Less bowl. I need to know more about these fiddlers three." 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3009 Yes, I’m pretty sure Nurse Ratched is single. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3010 And your prostate is, shall we say, king sized. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3011 Well, it looks like you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3012 It’s no cure, but this robe will hide the fact that you wear no clothes. 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3013 There is no Royal Insurance 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3014 Your Majesty, I'd advise more salads, less Whoppers. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3015 Sorry, your highness. I'm afraid your blood test shows no traces of divinity. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3016 Evidently the blue color is some genetic thing. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3017 So much for casual Friday 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3018 Lay. Off the dainty dishes of black birds. 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3019 It seems you have a royal pain in your arse. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3020 I’m afraid a doctor’s note won’t relieve you of duty. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3021 Could you describe what you mean by a “royal pain”? 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3022 I appreciate the concern, but there actually isn't a vaccine for affluenza 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3023 Are you familiar with the Magna Carta? 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3024 I'm afraid it's much more serious than a 'royal pain.' 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3025 Uneasiness of the head is to be expected, Phil. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3026 No, Sire, the procedure does not provide the kingdom with more colonies. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3027 It appears you've been eating blackbirds again. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3028 Apparently, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3029 Okay, you can keep the crown on, but I'm afraid you must wear the robe with the opening to the back. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3030 I’m going to recommend a standing throne. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3031 Sorry losing your kingdom doesn't qualify for Medicare 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3032 I am afraid the tests confirm, the Emperor has no clothes. 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3033 I am your Gastrologist. It is time you have a royal flush. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3034 Now I'll have you bend over for your regal exam, Your Majesty. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3035 Your opening of the robe is supposed to be in the back 1.2800 0.06044 100 80 12 8
3036 I'm sorry but Kings need immunizations too. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3037 Your Highness ... is also manifest in your blood pressure. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3038 I'm sorry, our DNA tests don't have a category for royal blood. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3039 Your lab results are back. Just wondering, is your son still an idiot. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3040 And a French kiss led to this? 1.2800 0.04940 100 74 24 2
3041 Your bloodwork came back red. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3042 Your condition is mainly due to "life style" issues. 1.2800 0.06044 100 80 12 8
3043 Sure your knees ache, but the Mets pay you a King's Ransom to Catch! 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3044 Your blood's a bit purple--we'll have to watch that. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3045 Bad news sire, the test results show you are allergic to ermine, precious metals, and beard lice. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3046 Don't get used to it, we just ran out of blue gowns. 1.2800 0.06044 100 80 12 8
3047 You will never go more than one step in any direction. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3048 Good News Your Highness!! All Crown Jewels accounted for! 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3049 Do you eat a lot of meat and cheeses, Mr. Burger King? Your cholesterol is through the roof. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3050 Can you be more specific than 'a royal pain'? 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3051 You are allergic to ermine and gold. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3052 You have the robe on backwards. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3053 I recommend that we administer the Royal Treatment 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3054 You have a king-sized problem. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3055 You’re the healthiest person that ever lived. 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3056 Well, sometimes it's NOT good to be the king. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3057 Royal pain is surprisingly common. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3058 You say you didn’t know that Ermines could be rabid? 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3059 I would suggest it's time for you to call for your Fiddlers Three. 1.2800 0.04940 100 74 24 2
3060 Majesty or not, your blood is definitely not blue! 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3061 SORRY BUT YOU ONLY HAVE A COMMON COLD 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3062 As I suspected, it's hereditary. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3063 I’d lay off the Whoppers. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3064 Whoah! Your cholesterol's a Whopper! 1.2800 0.06208 100 81 10 9
3065 Looks like you’ve been dealing with an iron deficiency since you gave up the throne. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3066 I’m sorry, your majesty, but we don’t accept your health insurance at our facility. 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3067 Sorry to say that you’ll need an Ace up your sleeve to beat the odds... 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3068 It's simply a royal pain in the ass. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3069 It says you are suffering from a royal pain in the neck? 1.2800 0.04940 100 74 24 2
3070 .... not even Medicaid ?... 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3071 You say your blood type is Royal positive? 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3072 Any royal pains? 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3073 Would it be to difficult for you to disrobe? 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3074 Looks like the crown is causing the heavy head and the royal pain in the neck, but there's one more test I'd like to run just to be sure. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3075 We usually provide the big, red, india-rubber ball, but Medicare says you're not a good man. 1.2800 0.04940 100 74 24 2
3076 Based on these results,you've been eating too much pie and too many blackbirds. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3077 The pain in your read end is fairly normal, not royal at all. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3078 You need to put the robe on so it opens in the back. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3079 You say you woke up like this? 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3080 Begging your pardon, Your Highness, can you confirm your home address and your date of birth? 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3081 I'm sorry your Majesty, but you have terminal Democracy. 1.2800 0.04940 100 74 24 2
3082 We can't do that scan if you have a crown. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3083 It's a pain in the royal behind. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3084 In my professional opinion you’ve been sitting on the throne too long. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3085 Mr. Midas, as your urologist, I would suggest assuming a seated position in the future. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3086 I'd advise you to cut back on the smoking. No need to worry about the fiddlers three. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3087 First of all you're allergic to ermin... 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
3088 I regret to inform you that you've been out of network for 250 years. 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
3089 I'm afraid it's just an ordinary, plebian pain in the ass. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
3090 I’m sorry but we don’t take Mediking. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3091 It appears that you have Crown's disease. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3092 I'm afraid you have another reason to use the pronoun "we." 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3093 Hmm. It appears that your Blue Cross coverage dosn't cover blue BLOOD 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
3094 We've completed your physical; you can take your clothes back off now. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
3095 You might consider an ambulatory abdication. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
3096 I'm afraid the King's horses have lost their whinny. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
3097 I'm sorry to say that the tests show today is not going to be your day. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
3098 I don't care if you’re king, you still need a measles shot. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
3099 I said renal failure, not regal failure. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
3100 I'm prescribing one taster before each meal, doctor's orders! 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3101 I've redacted most of your test results for dignity's sake. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
3102 It’s your prostate . It’s king size —-exactly as I predicted . 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3103 You choose: spokesperson for the all-beef patty or an impeding heart attack. 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
3104 You must cut down on the pies in general.It doesn't matter whether there were 23 or 24 blackbirds in it. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
3105 Yes, but here the robes open in the back. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3106 You’re only going to be moving one square at a time until you lose some weight. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3107 You’re going to have to describe that pain in your ass as something other than royal for me to make a diagnosis. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3108 The test results indicate you're allergic to Ermine furs and Peacock feathers. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3109 There's no easy way to say this. Your cholesterol tests indicate... Burger King. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3110 In my office, everyone gets the royal treatment! 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3111 Once a king, always a king, but once a knight’s enough! 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
3112 To put it in Game of Thrones terms, you're not winning. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3113 Just step it down to three-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, and we should see some results within about six weeks. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3114 Sorry to say I've found something that you are not the king of. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3115 I’ve found the cause of your discomfort. Try some prunes it should limit your time on the “throne”. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3116 It’s the throne that’s giving you a royal pain in the ass. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3117 Well, aging does take its toll on the crown jewels. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3118 His Majesty cannot simply lower his cholesterol by "Royal Decree." 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3119 I recommend you cut out everything except the fiddlers three. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3120 Contrary to what you think, having a whopper is not necessary for a good relationship. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3121 We don't take United Health care! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3122 And how are "we" feeling today? 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3123 Highness does not refer to your blood pressure. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3124 Your cholesterol levels are good, but your empire is falling 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
3125 So, Philip, how long have you had this dream you’d get to be king? 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3126 This medicine should help decrease your royal wee. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3127 Well, we’ll certainly have a shot at the New England Journal of Medicine, Mr. Midas. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3128 Not going to mince words. Lose weight or it's 'checkmate'. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3129 Results don't look good, Mr. Friday. Is there anyone I can call for you? You put down a Fred Rogers as your emergency contact. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3130 What made you think the scalp cream would make more heirs? 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3131 Good news, your blue cell count is normal. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3132 Unfortunately, the fight against this disease is quite feudal. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3133 Both your assumptions were correct your majesty: you have a hemorrhoid and it is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3134 You are not looking for the royal treatment I hope. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3135 The tests results show your ermine trim is actually rabbit, and, as to the crown, there’s not an ounce of gold. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3136 I'm pretty sure you can't just order your colon to do that. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3137 I’ve concluded, Your Majesty, that the source of your depression is that all of your horses and all of your men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3138 You look kinda familiar, but I can't place your name. 1.2772 0.06153 101 82 10 9
3139 Well, unfortunately it’s off with your head 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3140 Don’t behead the messenger, but the lab results indicate your blood is not blue. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3141 Your heinie has hemorrhoids, Your Highness. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3142 Please find somewhere else to hide your scepter. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3143 Well, Your Highness, you may want to rethink the "Merry Old Soul" bit. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3144 The good news is you have an heir. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3145 I'm sorry, it says here you have no insurance. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
3146 Actually, it's your food tasters who are sending my kids to college. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
3147 Well Your Majesty, that royal pain in the ass turns out to be a hemorrhoid . 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3148 I’m afraid modern medicine doesn’t have a treatment for royal pains. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3149 You need to cut back on four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
3150 You are the fittest man in all the kingdom, Your Highness. And you are an inch taller from a year ago. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3151 I suppose we can just skip past the Insurance section 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
3152 I was told to give you the royal treatment. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
3153 Your family history is clearly extensive... 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
3154 I'm sorry to inform you that we found no blue blood. 1.2762 0.05327 105 81 19 5
3155 I've never seen anything like it. Your whole dick is made of gold. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3156 Looks like a royal pain in the ass. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3157 And on Tuesdays you are who? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3158 Hemorrhoids. They're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3159 The polls look bad, but on some mild psychotropics you'll be feeling like a king again in no time. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3160 Your royal pain in the ass is a simple case of hemorrhoids. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3161 How does the name Salad King sound to you? 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3162 We're going to keep you throne rest for a few days, just as a precaution. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3163 I'm honored, What was that title? Keeper of the Royal Roids! 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3164 So now i need to check on the "crown jewels" so please turn your head and cough twice. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3165 The good news is that everything you touch for the next 3 months will still turn to gold. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3166 According to your results, you died 300 years ago. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3167 Stop calling for your pipe; you can call for your bowl, so long as it's not filled with junk food; and your fiddlers three are actually good for you. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3168 I suggest you cut back to only 2 and 20 blackbirds in your pies. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3169 You shouldn't be too worried about regicide, my lord. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3170 Bad news: you're royally screwed! 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3171 We’ll have to do a few more tests, but I can safely say you do indeed have a royal pain. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3172 We like treat all of our patients like royalty. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3173 The tests show that you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3174 Well, I can at least say that you are fit, for a king. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3175 Your test results have come in. My great emperor, it looks like you have no clothes under your cloak. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3176 OK it's Kingsized but could you be a little more specific. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3177 Of course it's a Royal pain in the ass, you're spending way too much time on the throne. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3178 Maybe a little less time on the throne.... 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3179 So, I understand you have a problem with your crown jewels..." 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3180 Best medicine? I recommend finding a jester with funnier jokes 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3181 I've got some bad news about Humpty. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3182 It's a whopper. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3183 There's also good news for me -- all my examination instruments were turned to gold. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3184 These labs confirm your highness, your Highness. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3185 Have you considered a standing throne? 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3186 I’m afraid your soul isn’t so merry after all 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3187 I know Winter is Coming. That's why you need a flu shot. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3188 Keep your robe closed and nobody will know that your throne is really a hemorrhoid pillow. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3189 So it says here you have a royal pain in the butt? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3190 You'll have to check with your accountant about the family jewels. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3191 It's hemorrhoids. A royal pain in the ass. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3192 It says here that, in exchange for my services, you are owed fealty. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3193 No worries! We can still tell people it was just a routine exam. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3194 This might come as a surprise to your constituents, but it turns out your blood isn't blue after all. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3195 Don't be alarmed. Just like birth control...wait no. Erectile dysfunction IS considered health care. 1.2755 0.06286 98 80 9 9
3196 When you say "we don't have insurance", I assume you mean the royal we? 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
3197 As it turns out, Twitter really Is a royal pain in the ass 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3198 Yes, yes, we all recognize that you bow to no man, but it's still time for the Royal Prostate Exam, sire." 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3199 Well, if you don't cut down the salt, you'll be the king of strokes. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3200 The bad news: the tests show that, indeed, everything you touch turns to gold. The good news: I still have a lot of student loans. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3201 Sorry I have to be the one to tell you. Game of Thrones is ending. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3202 What do you mean "a royal pain in the ass"? 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3203 So, this is what you want me to tell them? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3204 Well, Mr. Emperor, here’s something I didn’t expect to have to say: please disrobe. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3205 Is there a history of blue blood in your family? 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3206 Only DNA tests can tell if it's hearts, clubs, diamonds, or spades, but it's bad. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3207 This is exactly what Medicare for All looks like 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3208 Unsurprisingly, your HMO is refusing to cover the royal treatment. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3209 I'm sorry sir we don't accept Royal Decrees as payment 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3210 Your Majesty, I said 'ENEMA,' not your Enemy, needs to go there! 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3211 You have to reign in your cholesterol level. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3212 The ruler was someplace you'd never expect. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3213 I think that you should not have eaten the four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3214 We need to talk about your scepter. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3215 So, it says here you've got a royal pain in the ass? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3216 So your next of kin is in open rebellion? Well, I'm still going to need an emergency contact. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3217 Yes, yes, you had mentioned your ‘royal blood line’, but this lymphoma says otherwise... 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3218 Ok ,we think your crown jewels are in serious trouble. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3219 I'm afraid your blood type shows you're descended from a long line of jesters. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3220 Getting rid of the scepter was a good start. But Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers aren’t going to let up until you get back in a suit and tie. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3221 No,we do not use that glove for a modern day torture instrument! 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3222 Your tests do confirm you have a merry old soul. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3223 Apparently the leeches aren't working, I am going to refer you to our jester 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3224 The good news is... we were able to determine your biological father. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3225 You should also tell the Fiddlers Three 1.2755 0.06116 98 79 11 8
3226 Maybe you could try being a salad king instead? 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
3227 I am sorry, I cannot test your blood for colour! 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3228 So I think we can safely say that a Whopper a day does NOT keep the doctor away! 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3229 I see have a note from you wife asking that I not refill your Viagra prescription 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3230 The genetic test results are in. You're suffering from a thankless child. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3231 Prognosis? You have about six months left to rule. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3232 Sire, according to your test results, the fiddlers three are fine, but you’ve got to cut back on the pipe and bowl! 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3233 Your Majesty must disrobe but you may wear your crown throughout my examination. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3234 I understand you consider your hemorrhoids a royal pain in the butt. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3235 Honestly, your blood sugar is the least of your worries. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3236 Looks like it really isn't good to be king. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3237 I’m afraid the tests confirm it. You’re a royal pain in the ass. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3238 Seems that royal pain in the ass was nothing more than hemorrhoids. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3239 You realize a royal tumor is still a tumor? 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3240 I'm afraid I have bad news. Your surgery will cost a king's ransom. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3241 Gout runs in your family..you don't say. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3242 This was your third heart attack. You have to cut out the burgers. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3243 No, you can’t claim stress. They’re just playing cards. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3244 You reigned today, but not supreme. 1.2755 0.06116 98 79 11 8
3245 Lay off the Whoppers. 1.2755 0.06286 98 80 9 9
3246 Sorry, you're not a king. You're only Santa. 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
3247 So you're telling me you literally have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3248 My golden touch seems to be gone. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3249 Drop your pants, your grace. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3250 your highness, have you had too many sleepless knights? 1.2755 0.06116 98 79 11 8
3251 Your Majesty, I'm not sure what you're thinking of, but there's no way you could be "crowning." 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3252 I would lay off that 'Midas touch' for a few days and get some rest. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3253 Do you know who left it there? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3254 It looks like you have a $40 copay. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3255 OK, so you know you need a heart transplant. But why does it have to be Mueller's? 1.2755 0.06116 98 79 11 8
3256 By the way, how is that battle for succession coming along? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3257 According to this you have something called The Midas Touch. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3258 So, two-part follow up question: How soon after the blackbird pie did you actually begin vomiting, and were you in the countinghouse at that time? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3259 The good news is most of the diseases from your century have been eradicated. The bad news is Jenny McCarthy. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3260 I think we'll try an antibiotic and save the leaches for another time. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3261 Your Majesty, am I correct in assuming that your head is uneasy? 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3262 Don’t worry you haven’t been deposed, you're depressed. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3263 Oh. When you said you found yourself sitting on the throne too much, I thought, 'well he is the king.' 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3264 I'm afraid you've had a coronary. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3265 No, having gout does not prove royal lineage 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
3266 They suggested I run for president , but I had higher aspirations... 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3267 How well do you know King Midas? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3268 I don't think it's anything to worry about, sire. I think all you've got is a royal pain. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3269 MRI of your head confirms that the crown has not been damaged. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3270 Is the Royal Flush satisfactory? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3271 When I said I could replace your crown, I meant the one on your tooth. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3272 Gastritis from an overindulgence of four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3273 I'm afraid all of your horses and all of your men don't swim upstream. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3274 But does the ‘Impossible Burger King’ really have the same ring to it? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3275 I understand you are suffering from a royal pain 1.2755 0.04536 98 71 27 0
3276 I've never had a patient complain about a royal pain before so let me put on some gloves and take a look. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3277 So, you say you are Martin Luther's father... 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3278 I have found your problem. You are allergic to ermine. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3279 I see you’ve already disrobed. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3280 I'm afraid you're going to have to stop calling for your pipe and your bowl. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3281 Your lab test results suggest you need to royally cut back on the mead and figgy pudding. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3282 I'm afraid your days of being the burger king are over. Your cholesterol levels are off the chart. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3283 I suggest you lay off the royal jelly. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3284 Well, you can “Have It Your Way,” but the numbers suggest you should really cut back on the Whoppers. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3285 Gold huh? Glad I used the glove. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
3286 Your blood work is normal except for a blue color. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3287 You're saying someone literally made off with THE crown jewels? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3288 Simply, 'moving your Royal brain to a virile young Subject's body' isn't presently an option, Your Highness. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3289 Your insurance isn’t taken here. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3290 Frankly, I am concerned about your bloodwork...I was expecting a deeper shade of blue. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3291 Well, is there a gym anywhere nearby in this great kingdom of yours, Your Majesty? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3292 I'd like to royally screw that knee of yours back into shape. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3293 Unfortunately, it's just a royal pain. 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
3294 You'll have to get off your throne more often. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3295 You list 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue as your current address. Is that correct?” Robert Van Brocklin, Portland, Ore. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
3296 Unfortunately your insurance does not cover beheadings. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
3297 I see here you have a royal pain. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3298 We might have to reconsider “Long live the King,” Your Majesty. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3299 NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK, I THINK IT IS TIME TO TRY THE ROYAL FLUSH! 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
3300 Let’s talk about switching to veggie burgers. 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
3301 It should come as no surprise that your pain in the ass is royal. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
3302 You’re in extraordinarily good health, King Drumpf. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
3303 'Let them eat cake' is approved, but only whole grain. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
3304 You are not the father of the child. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
3305 I’m sorry Mr. Lear, we simply have no record of a kingdom 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
3306 I know they call gout the Disease of Kings, but you didn’t have to dress the part. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3307 How shall I describe this prostate exam...." 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3308 Did I SAY anything about grandiosity? 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3309 We've identified the cause of your splitting headaches, but I'm afraid you're not going to like it. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3310 For some reason your blood is blue 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3311 You need more iron, hire fifty more knights. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3312 The good news is you have the heart of a prince half your age. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
3313 And how goes the royal flush? 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
3314 The tests are absolutely definitive - not a trace of blue blood. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
3315 Sorry to confirm it. You are not a "Merry old soul" anymore. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3316 You're range of motion is improving but you're stamina is still lacking. You can start moving in any direction, but only take one step at a time. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3317 You've put your hospital gown on backwards. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3318 You know, it’s not always good to be the king. Also, you have gout. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3319 The good news: You don't have gout. The bad news: it'll cost a kingdom and a horse to pay the bill. 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
3320 You would be a lot healthier if you cut out the burgers. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3321 So you became “king” and now you suddenly have gout? 1.2727 0.05888 99 79 13 7
3322 Your royal pain has metastisized. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3323 How shall I bill the peasants? Paper or by email? 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
3324 Your Health is “very good” although the mirror says Trump’s is better. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3325 Classic case of Uneasy Head Syndrome 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3326 I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but you tested negative for Targaryen. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3327 So, King Midas, tell me more about this problem you're having urinating. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3328 I'm afraid I have to take you off your authoritarian regimen. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
3329 I gave you the royal treatment, but you still have the Midas Touch. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
3330 So I see you've gotten the Royal Treatment. 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
3331 I'm sorry, Your Highness, the results indicate a 70% probability of the guillotine, which is most likely terminal. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3332 The King Vitamin therapy was a success. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3333 It appears you have an acute superiority complex with a side of fries. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
3334 Sir...when I said you needed a crown, that's not what I meant 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3335 And are your emergency contacts still all your horses and all your men? 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
3336 It's a common ailment among royals-irony deficency. 1.2710 0.05069 107 82 21 4
3337 The good news is, you’ll have three crowns! 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3338 This may sound contradictory, but you'll be able to spend more time on the throne if you cut out the red meat. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3339 Due to the shape of the jester’s hat, it may be quite difficult to remove... 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3340 Your Highness will recall I Did advise Against the tramp stamp. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3341 So, you want a doctor's note stating you are fit to joust? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3342 So, you have a Royal pain. In the ass? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3343 Your way behind in payments Santa. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3344 I'm sorry, I was referring to your other family jewels. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3345 Usually, the robe opens in the back. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3346 Sorry, but... Your free radicals prefer a direct election. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3347 Yes, I'm certain. There really is only one kind of cold. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3348 Well, you’re definitely not the king of hearts. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3349 Social Services want to talk to you about the pageboy 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3350 I never agreed to prostrate myself. I clearly said prostate." 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3351 Your blood isn't royal. It's B negative. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3352 No more Whoppers. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3353 All my patients deserve the royal treatment. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3354 Basically, you’re royally screwed 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3355 Labs indicate you have metal imbedded in your head from playing Games of Thrones 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3356 Well it says here you’re a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3357 So are you familiar with Don Quixote? 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3358 There's something in the report about a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3359 Any symptoms other than feeling too warm? 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3360 Yes, you're the King, but, no, you're not healthier than Trump. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3361 Uncle Sam, I believe you are having a constitutional crisis. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3362 The second opinion confirms it: ‘Royal Pain in the Ass.’ 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3363 The Queen says that you reign mainly--and only--in the plane. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3364 Surprising, maybe, but it’s not gout. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3365 I’m afraid there’s no easy way to say this... prognosis checkmate. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3366 Now, I have to warn you... this medication has a one-in-four chance of making you feel suicidal. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3367 So, uneasy lies the head that wears a crown, yet you want to continue to rule. Can you think of an alternative? 1.2708 0.04794 96 71 24 1
3368 So, extending your reign isn't your only issue. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3369 An obvious case of ‘Wenceslas’ syndrome.” 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3370 This kind of thing is usually induced by stress. Do you experience a lot of stress in your occupation? 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
3371 Less tweets, less sweets. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3372 You may be living in the past, but it's not looking good for the future. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3373 I'm sorry to tell you that you must cut down on the burgers and fries 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3374 So, you say a clown is stressing you out? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3375 The medical term is Regalis Poena in Asinum. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3376 Unfortunately, they will no longer be your 'loyal subjects' after this procedure." 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3377 I understand you're the spokesman, but you really need to limit your red meat intake. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3378 Do you want your actual diagnosis or some "fake news" 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3379 It looks like you have a family history of coronary issues. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3380 Well, I've seen this before, yes, but in your case it's a Royal pain 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3381 You're cold because you're not wearing clothes underneath. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3382 Didn't the nurse say that the robe should open in the back? 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3383 Looks like a clear cut case of jingle bells. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3384 What!! Wait a minute!...healthiest king ever to serve the kingdom? I can't sign this outright lie! 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3385 Sorry, I don't take insurance or credit cards. You'll have to pay with a check, mate. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3386 I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to turn your head and cough. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3387 No, no I mean actually blue, we need to address your blood circulation 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3388 Your Majesty, it could be worse. You could have inherited the other throne and with it, Brexit. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3389 Well your Highness, the test results are in and medically this is know as a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3390 This note is from the Queen, your Highness -- just help me out here -- does it say you have a royal pain in the ass, or does it say you are a royal pain in the ass? 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3391 Legality aside, it's time to lay off the pipe and quit calling for the bowl. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
3392 This rectal issue of yours sounds like a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
3393 Not to worry. Royal pains are my specialty. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3394 What do you want me to tell the press 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3395 Unfortunately, your body is rejecting your lion heart. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3396 It's curable, but it will cost you a king's ransom. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3397 The good news is you've got a horse. The bad news is regarding your kingdom... 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3398 Lose the throne and get a Barcalounger. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3399 You are going to have to stop eating every meal at Burger King! 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3400 I see why you are feeling low,your highness. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3401 I'm sorry, but your genetic profile shows no connection to Prince. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
3402 No spoilers, please. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3403 No sir, I don't think eating 200 hamburgers a day can lead to hearing loss...but I do have some follow-up questions about that. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3404 Well, I think my costume is way more suitable to this comic. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3405 I want to remind you that this is an elective procedure, so you’ll have to pay out of kingdom for it. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3406 It’s your decision to raise bread prices that worries me the most. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3407 As expected, your hemorrhoids appear to be more than simply a regular pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3408 So every thing you touch turns to gold huh 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3409 No...I said you were going to need a "sling." 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3410 Well, it's not a merry old prostate. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3411 Any other symptoms besides a royal pain in the butt? 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3412 I know it's good to be King but you have Gout. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3413 I'm sorry King Midas - It seems you have lost your touch. By the way - what insurance do you have? 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3414 I’m afraid it’s your Royal highness. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3415 Good news and bad news from your colonoscopy, we found the Holy Grail. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3416 A heavy head seems to be the source of your neck pain 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3417 According to the test results, it's a check mate. There's nothing we can do. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3418 No, I can't write you a Doctor's excuse for "Royal Baby Watch." 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3419 The Special Counsel considers you in checkmate, sir. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3420 No wonder you're feeling sick. It says here that you usually walk around without any clothes. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3421 King Friday, I've gone over your test results. You have a rare case of acute-puppetism. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3422 King Vitamin Deficiency is your name now.” 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3423 Your name and date of birth? 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3424 The official diagnosis is 'Royal pain in the ass.' 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3425 So you’re the king? Of the burgers? 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3426 You might be the King of Hearts, but this EKG tells me "you are not." 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3427 The good news is it’s hereditary.... 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3428 Try to limit your intake of pies, blackbirds, and other dainty dishes. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3429 Sire, the royal pee has far too much sugar. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3430 Uhh.. I hope you have a future king chosen 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3431 Doc, these hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3432 I see you’ve already got a crown 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3433 You can take off the crown and robe as the tests confirm you are 100% a commoner! 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3434 My advice would be to limit yourself to one Whopper per day. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3435 This certifies that you are now capable of telling the difference between clothed and not clothed. You are free to go Emperor. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3436 These results suggest a diagnosis of "merry old soul." 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3437 Interesting. You both have, and are, a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3438 Let me put it this way, Your Majesty, the Prince will hear 'long live the King' soon. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3439 It must be in your lineage. Your cholesterol is elevated and your blood pressure is practically imperial. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3440 Ok, lets call it a royal pain then! 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3441 No, you may not call for your pipe. The three fiddlers are o.k. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3442 Cut down on the roles. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3443 It's lèse-majesté, I'm afraid." 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3444 I'm afraid 'old' is in your patient profile. It's not part of my diagnosis that I can change, Your Majesty. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3445 Sometimes you need to bend the knee too 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3446 You'll need some good rest. I wouldn't go on any power trips for a few weeks. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3447 Here are the test results regarding your royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3448 The good news is your vitals look fine but the bad news is the price of gold is down $150 since March 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3449 I'm afraid we don't accept coats of arms with a blue cross and a blue shield. 1.2708 0.04794 96 71 24 1
3450 But Your Majesty cannot be granted a doctor's note unless Your Majesty is truly ill. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3451 Do you do a lot of sitting? 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3452 The good news is a heavy head is treatable. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3453 Well technically it'd be assisted regicide. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3454 This inflammation comes from too much time on the throne. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3455 I'm sorry your majesty, but I can't re-fill your opioid prescription. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3456 Sire, even a king might need Viagra occasionally!! 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3457 From the look of your face, I’d say you have a royal flush. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3458 I’m sorry to have to tell you, your Highness, but your family jewels are worthless. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3459 Your blood work shows you may have inherited power. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3460 In lay terms, Sire, it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3461 In this case a Royal Flush is not a good hand to be dealt 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3462 Before I can certify that you are ‘the fittest king ever’, we need to deal with the fever and headache. 1.2708 0.06191 96 78 10 8
3463 The lab results are back, and, ahhh, it's not good to be the king 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3464 I'm afraid that the tests show you have the malady of all emporers. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3465 Old King Cole, you're a merry old soul. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3466 Abdication is required 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3467 This is what I suggest we do to that royal pain in your ass... 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3468 Lose weight, exercise, and stay far from the Iron Throne. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3469 Sorry to say this, but these tests indicate that you're Royally Screwed. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3470 I’m afraid we have a problem... and i DO mean the royal we.” 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3471 Just take it off if it's so heavy. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3472 Winter is coming. And by winter I mean pancreatic cancer. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3473 so I hope your enjoying our office’s royal treatment 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3474 I'd like to see you blue cell count a little higher. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3475 Bad news. The test shows that your blood is not blue. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3476 Have you thought about succession planning? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3477 Divine right, no; diverticulitis, yes. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3478 The Xanax didn't help. Let's try a pipe, a bowl and 3 fiddlers. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3479 This disease is a royal pain in the butt. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3480 Sorry that treatment is not available. I thought they'd have given you a better health plan. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3481 It’s confirmed, you ARE a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3482 Tell me how you would like this to read, Mr. President. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3483 Strangely enough, it's not gout. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3484 I'm sorry, what was giving you a royal pain? 1.2708 0.04794 96 71 24 1
3485 I'm happy to report that the King IS wearing clothes. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3486 You're crowning. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3487 The royal gown is on backwards, your Majesty. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3488 Point taken, John: our health care system is antiquated! 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3489 your Merry Old Soul could use a boost.... 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3490 I normally wouldn't put it this way, but ...you are royally screwed. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3491 You've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3492 Try to cut back on the roasted pig and get to the gym more. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3493 And is it made out of gold too? 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3494 They found your shoes in the Throne Room. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3495 The tests are in... You are the Father. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3496 I have your results here and it looks like you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3497 I have Narnia news and Game of Thrones news... 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
3498 Ok, fine, I’m sending you for “royal” blood work, then. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3499 I’m afraid regency is terminal, Your Majesty. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
3500 Sorry! We couldn’t get your blood level any higher than 24 carat. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
3501 The good news is that your tests came back negative. The bad news is that we live in a democracy. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3502 Turns out you're allergic to court jesters. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3503 It says here your name is Oedipus – Oedipus Rex? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3504 King, I'm going to refer you to an OB/GYN because you're crowning. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
3505 Are you running for president? 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3506 I'm sorry, Your Highness, all those years of burgers and margarine have caught up with you. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3507 You may keep the fiddlers 3, but you must cut back on the bowl and cease using the pipe. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
3508 It seems that you have a heinie infection your Highness. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3509 We suspect conditions related to being a merry ole soul. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
3510 You can put your clothes back on now. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
3511 On average how many times per week do you feast? 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
3512 No Chess for a week!! 1.2703 0.04779 111 84 24 3
3513 You’re suffering from an anachronism—common among LARPers. 1.2700 0.05096 100 76 21 3
3514 Spade-feet are a common result of generations of inbreeding. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
3515 We don't have a royal operating room, but we can offer you a private nook in recovery. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
3516 I prescribe a royal flush. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
3517 What do you mean, "Kings don't have to pay"??? 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
3518 Let me put it this way. Does your son have any plans coming up. 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
3519 So tell me, how long have you had this royal pain in the ass? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3520 I hate to be a royal pain in the ass." 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3521 But Doctor Bornstein, I'm not wearing any clothes 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3522 You're still a merry ol' sole, but you need to cut back on the fiddling around. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3523 I see here reference to your horses and your men, but I don’t think they’ll help, even though it IS obvious that you’re not an egg. 1.2688 0.06142 93 75 11 7
3524 You're perfectly healthy. Now, let's talk about wearing your bathrobe in public. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3525 Your bone spur is acting up, Highness. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3526 Cliche or not, the emperor has to take his clothes off for this next part. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3527 In your case, let's call your condition a royal pain in the ass. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3528 I'm sorry the politics of ruling are soo stressful, it's just no one has ever asked me to turn back into a frog. mp 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3529 I’m going to prescribe Preparation H, and a donut for your throne...” 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3530 As I suspected, you have Crown’s disease. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3531 You have a condition called “blue blood”. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3532 You’ve got royal pain in the ass syndrome. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3533 I recommend that you be the king of a healthier food. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3534 Here is my bill for your treatment. Exactly how much is a king's ransom? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3535 Mr. Cole, I'm afraid the tests are positive for Fiddlers-3. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3536 Let’s see-electrolytes are OK, but your collusion level is on the high side. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3537 My prognosis suggests you have a condition known as “Royal pain in the arse” your Highness 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3538 The good news is that you can still call for your fiddlers three. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3539 I’d suggest using a softer cushion on the royal throne. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3540 It seems you are a royal pain! 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3541 The technical term is 'delusion' according my best practices handbook. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3542 You're fit for a king, but absence of gout is a pretty low bar these days. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3543 "It’s not serious, Just an old king cold." 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3544 Seems to be a special case of hemorrhoids called a royal pain in the.... 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3545 You’d have been better off at the dentist for a new crown 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3546 Does it always burn on just when you're on the throne? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3547 A King Size Prostate!" 1.2688 0.04868 93 69 23 1
3548 I'm sorry your highness but the Queen specifically forbade me from giving you a prescription for Viagra 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3549 You’re good on the pipe and bowl but you gotta go easy on the fiddlers three. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3550 It seems you’re an heir to diabetes, too. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3551 I am sorry... but once a king, always a king, but once a knight is enough. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3552 Your old soul shows no ill effects from pipes, robes and fiddlers; at the same time, your heart is no longer merry. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3553 "Skull-spurs, your Majesty. It's almost impossible to diagnose, but it renders you unfit to rule a country. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3554 Do you have a family history of this? 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3555 I don't have a problem with the bowl and the fiddlers three, but the pipe has to go. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3556 King-sized? Really? 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3557 Your high BP is caused by successors to the throne 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3558 I'm afraid that you're royally screwed. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3559 O.K. Mr. Trump, take off that disguise and get back to your duties at the White House. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3560 Sorry your majesty, but these x-rays show you have a fractured crown. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3561 Well, I'm fine with the fiddlers three but you're going to have to call for your pipe and call for your bowl a little less often. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3562 It says you’re a merry old soul. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3563 Now that your Highness has his clothes back on... 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3564 If I was a funny man, I would make a joke about “your highness” being a reference to your blood pressure. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3565 Royal pain" is not a medical term, per se, but it does appear in your file repeatedly. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3566 'Ah yes. I believe we saw your wife here last week.' 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3567 I hope you have insurance- even you won't be able to pay this out of pocket. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3568 Exit assessments are now required for departing monarchs. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3569 Your condition is not covered by your insurance plan. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3570 A cold? How odd, I thought you were immune!" 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3571 Well, you need to get off your throne more often but for now I suggest a doughnut pillow. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3572 More like Game of Crohn, am I right? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3573 Good news, your royal pain in the ass in curable. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3574 I'm afraid all you touch turns to Bitcoins 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3575 Frankly I was expecting Crown’s Disease, but your tests came back positive for Merry Old Soul Syndrome. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3576 The problem is not with the Queen. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3577 It's called royal pain. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3578 Whoopsie. The x-ray shows that we need to replace the crown. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3579 I checked. You’re not covered 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3580 According to your results, you've been more naughty than nice. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3581 Where are you feeling this royal pain? 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3582 He's called Shakespeare. You should read him 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
3583 And now, your highness, let's see about that royal pain. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3584 The tests came back: your pain is indeed royal. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3585 Would you mind asking your fiddlers three to zip it? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3586 As the new royal proctologist, suffice it to say that I will be His Majesty's biggest pain in thy ass. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3587 It's your DNA. We have to remove the crown. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3588 It's hard to give a diagnosis when the report's redacted. 1.2688 0.06142 93 75 11 7
3589 That isn’t the robe I was referring to. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3590 And what do they call you if you're last in your class at Eaton? 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
3591 Your cholesterol is through the roof. You're eating way to many burgers. 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
3592 You're not a king. There are no cheering peasants. Please take off your robes and put on our hospital gown - remember to tie it in the back. If you put on the gown now, I'll let you keep the crown. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
3593 Well, Old King Coal, the reality is you may never be as merry as you once were. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
3594 Everything looks normal your Grace, except for the uneasiness around the head area." 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
3595 Your vitals are not so dire, Sire. The color of your blood gives me cause for concern though. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3596 Physically you are just fine but I'd like you to see Dr. Baumgartner about your delusions of grandeur. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3597 According to my test results, you are experiencing a royal pain in the butt. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3598 It seems your willie has turned to gold. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3599 'Gout' may sound more royal, but we'll still treat it as toenail fungus 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3600 No matter how dainty the dish, blackbirds are not good for you. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3601 One after the other, all six of our colonoscopes turned to gold. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3602 You say, "Uneasy is the head that wears the crown?" I say, "Oy vey! Go to gym! Strengthen neck muscles, schmuck!" 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3603 Sorry beheading is not covered under you current health care carrier. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3604 Mr.Lear, you can't threaten to kill thy physician just because I ask you quit smoking. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3605 No, Your Majesty, losing your Midas touch is not a side effect of the Viagra. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3606 It's a bad prognosis, you will be dying in episode 6 of Game of Thrones. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3607 The results when you had no clothes... 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3608 So, you're on the throne ten times a day. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3609 We’ll run these tests again just to make sure, but you appear to be borderline having no clothes 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3610 I must ask the king to take off his pants. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3611 It's King sized. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3612 Sorry Mr. Trump, consulting a lawyer's not going to help. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3613 They call it a royal pain. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3614 I can give you something to reduce your pains, but they'll still be royal. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3615 At your age, we need to check for a royal pain in the ass 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
3616 Very good health, for the remainder of the monarchy and beyond. -Jim Kingman, Austin, TX 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
3617 Everything seems to be alright with your family jewels 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
3618 Your Majesty, the results came back negative. You're cleared to proceed to the guillotine. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3619 It’s time to call The Fiddlers Three 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3620 How often do you call for your pipe and call for your bowl? 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3621 Well, you could be the first medical evidence of a royal pain in the ass 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3622 If you’re playing LEAR eight times a week, that’s too much stress. I’d cut out a few performances. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3623 Carry on? Yes, but next time, keep calm and take the nitro pill. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3624 you know there may be something to that "the crown weighing heavy" thing 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3625 Sure, I can give you another crown…but you’d really be fine with just a filling. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3626 We'll send a $.05 bill to every subject. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3627 Mr. Midas, you'll be needing that golden touch thing when you receive my invoice... 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3628 The bad news is that you have gout, but the good news is that my colleagues in the psychiatric unit no longer think you're delusional. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3629 You have King hemorrhoids, Knightly flatulence and Squirely sperm Count but I won't tell the Queen. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3630 It is a royal pain, no doubt. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3631 Blood work confirmed royal pain in the ass syndrome. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3632 The medical team has determined that the pain in your neck is indeed Royal. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3633 Your highness, my diagnosis is you are suffering from a royal pain in the ass 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
3634 Fiddlers, OK; bowl, OK in moderation; but the pipe you really should give up. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3635 And just where exactly is your royal pain? 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3636 Let’s see, you say you have a royal pain where? 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3637 You’re filthy - and being rich doesn’t make up for it. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3638 Never, never, never, never, never. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3639 We've run every test, your grace. You are wearing clothes. 1.2680 0.06133 97 79 10 8
3640 It looks like a royal pain in the neck. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3641 I stand corrected, it's a royal pain in the ass 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3642 Sorry, it is a common pain in the butt. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3643 I told you the specially designed crown on your tooth wouldn't feel comfortable. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3644 Sometimes, you just don’t get things your way. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3645 You have what is commonly called a royal pain in the ass. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3646 A royal pain is not a real medical diagnosis. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3647 The labs confirm it John. You are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3648 Your chart makes mention of 'a royal pain'. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3649 I'd hold off on the Crown Royal. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3650 I am referring you to a psychiatrist about your delusions of grandeur. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
3651 You appear to have a royal pain in the ass 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
3652 Your Royal Highness literally has a bad case of Hemorrhoids. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
3653 I'm afraid Your Highness, that it is nothing more than the common cold. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3654 Unfortunately your highness it seems your insurance doesn’t cover a royal pain in that part of your anatomy. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
3655 This list of medical treatments is on our dollar menu. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3656 It is a royal pain, but very treatable. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3657 Ok, so no more calling for your pipe 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
3658 Maybe it’s time to switch back to butter. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
3659 Three fiddlers every night are really great. But you’re going to have to cut way back on calling for your pipe and calling for your bowl. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
3660 We're placing you in the placebo group because the health insurance plan you implementd does not cover the real medicine. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
3661 Besides your delusions of grandeur, you have horrible B.O. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
3662 In layman's terms, your hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the ass!” 1.2672 0.05387 116 93 15 8
3663 Could you be more specific? I'm not sure what a "royal pain in the ass" actually means. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
3664 I'm sorry but there’s no cure for a Royal Pain in the Ass! 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3665 Your Prostate is quite enlarged. I recommend removal of the Royal Jewels. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3666 Despite Brooklyn being King's County I'm going to have to refer you to a specialist in Manhattan." 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3667 You seem to have a touch of midas, but overall you're fit to be king. 1.2660 0.06083 94 76 11 7
3668 Paper robes aren't good enough for ya? 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
3669 I'm afraid I can't treat you, Your Highness. Looks like your insurance is out-of-Realm. 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
3670 I’ve been talking with my colleagues, and unfortunately a prostate exam just isn’t going to be possible. I’m sorry Mr. Midas. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
3671 Strange. All it says is your test is postive for the royal wee! 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
3672 I'm going to prescribe a laxative called the 'royal flush' to help you pass all of the gold covered meatballs you ate. 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
3673 Are you aware of your insurgence problem? 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
3674 It's not the merry part that will kill you . 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3675 You’ve got to quit eating Whoppers! 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3676 Is it good? To be the king, I mean. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3677 The bad news, Your Highness, is that you’re over 50 and must have this procedure. The good news is there’s a throne involved. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
3678 Sorry Mr King, I thought you were your brother Burger 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3679 I don't care if you're royalty, you still need that prostate exam 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3680 We normally don't accept gold for a co-pay. 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
3681 Your Majesty, it's a royal pain in your arse. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3682 I'm afraid it's iron fist, Your Majesty. 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
3683 Mr. King, I'm afraid I have a Whopper of a diagnosis. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3684 The crown is too heavy. It blocks blood flow to your brains and can cause Alzheimer’s. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
3685 It says here that you are suffering from a Royal pain in the ass 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3686 You seem to have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3687 I’ll have a double cheese Whopper and a large Pepsi. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
3688 You say Merlin referred you? 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3689 I now have the psychiatrist's report,and it confirms you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
3690 What we have here is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
3691 So, your wife says your showing symptoms of a royal pain in the rear. 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
3692 I'm sorry you thought it was an annual exam. We will behead the physician's assistant. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3693 Indeed. You do have a Royal pain in the ass. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
3694 Your bloodline is anemic. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
3695 Like I told you-you're getting old King Cole. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
3696 Your majesty it seems like you hav a royal sized prostate! 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
3697 I hope you're still a 'Merry Old Soul'.... 1.2642 0.04889 106 81 22 3
3698 You have Crown's Disease and there is no cure. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
3699 You wouldn't happen to know how Game of Thrones ends would, Ya? 1.2637 0.06412 91 75 8 8
3700 You’ll be needing to wear your royal robe with the opening at the back. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
3701 Throne dysfunction is normal at your age! 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
3702 With these cholesterol numbers, think about a change to Salad King. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
3703 Yes, I suppose that was a royal pain in the ass. 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
3704 They should have told you, the robe needs to open in the back. 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
3705 The good news is there are many ergonomically designed thrones online these days, the bad news is they still don't offer them in the color purple. 1.2637 0.04901 91 68 22 1
3706 Bloodletting, uh, no. But scrips for a dentist to repair your crown, and a therapist for your delusions of grandeur, yes. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
3707 You're the healthiest King in the history of your country. I wouldn't be surprised if you lived to 200 years old! 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
3708 Sorry, Highness, your droit de seigneur has expired. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
3709 Yes! You are a...Er...IT is a Royal pain in the ass. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
3710 Actually, your results indicate that it’s not good to be the king. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
3711 It's syphilis. 1.2637 0.06412 91 75 8 8
3712 I'm sorry to give you the bad news, but you are royally screwed. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
3713 you need to stop leaving your scepter where you might sit on it. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
3714 Other than Gout, Hemophilia, and feeble-mindedness, we can report to the Kingdom a clean bill of health 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
3715 It looks like your soul is no longer merry. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
3716 Another royal pain in the ass, huh? 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
3717 Somethings tells me that consuming 24 baked crows was not the best dietary choice , your highness. 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
3718 Disease-wise, you’re royally screwed. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
3719 You look like you have a royal flush. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
3720 What do you mean by a royal pain? 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
3721 Your blood pressure is too high. My suggestion to you is to stop watching Game of Thrones. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
3722 Did the Shepard’s guide you here or do you have a specific malady 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
3723 Just what I thought...a royal pain in the ass. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
3724 This pipe you call for: what do you smoke in it? 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
3725 You can't always have it your way. 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
3726 It's either a case of monarchy or authoritarianism, I'll need to check your DNA 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
3727 And which of your insurance providers should receive the ransom note? 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
3728 Your Majesty, unfortunately, Medicare doesn’t cover the royal treatment. 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
3729 You have a heart of gold. 1.2626 0.04887 99 75 22 2
3730 It looks like Throne’s disease 1.2621 0.04967 103 79 21 3
3731 I thought you said you would be performing a prostrate procedure. 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
3732 Are you sure you've got coverage for this 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
3733 ' the Johnny is exquisite " 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
3734 Mr. Klept, your Commitment Papers have arrived; you'll be treated royally, we've been assured. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3735 So you say a Night King, riding a dragon, with an army of walking dead are threatening your neighborhood? 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3736 I am afraid the leeches didn't work your majesty.. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3737 Your cholesterol is as high as the clown that was just in here. 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
3738 Can I please go back to just being the court jester? 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
3739 I'm sorry, Mr. Trump, but new outfit and all, DNA does not lie: you're not a king and never will be. 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
3740 I'm sorry to tell you the test doesn't cover blue blood 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3741 Has The Emperor New Clothes? 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3742 your record says you're 96. I'd like to get that number down a bit. 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
3743 Royal decree or no royal decree, no examination until you change into the hospital gown. 1.2609 0.05096 92 70 20 2
3744 Sure, you can go to anyone for a Richard the Second opinion 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3745 Your highness, I’ll need the opening of your robe to the back. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
3746 It would appear you have a classic case of royal pain in the ass. 1.2604 0.05589 96 76 15 5
3747 To begin, we can rule out Napoleonic Complex. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
3748 I don't think a doctor's note will get you off work. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
3749 According to this, you're not as lion-hearted as you thought you were." 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
3750 It says here you're straining on the throne... 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
3751 I don’t care if it is a royal pain, no more opioids. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
3752 Looks to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
3753 It's confirmed. Your headaches are caused by that heavy iron crown. 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
3754 It’s gout. But I guess you already knew that. 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
3755 Now about that royal pain in the ass. 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
3756 Years of your iron-fist rule has given you tetanus. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3757 Burgers? Seven days a week? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3758 Daniel the Tiger and Lady Elaine Fairchilde are exhibiting the same symptoms; We’d better quarantine the neighborhood. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3759 We just got your test results from the Russians 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3760 This kidney stone's a real whopper. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3761 I'm sorry to say this, but it seems as though all of those 'King-sized"burgers may have finally caught up with you. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3762 Just as I suspected: You are Lion-Hearted. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3763 Now, where is that royal pain? 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3764 You can call it what you want, but it's just common hemorrhoids. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3765 Yes , I'm afraid the tests confirm.. you are a Royal Pain 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3766 It looks like you have a royal pain. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3767 Seems The Queen diagnosed you correctly. You are literally a royal pain in the ass. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3768 It's Game of Thronesitis and it is going around. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3769 Plain and simple you have to stop living like a king. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3770 Never mind what people say, you'll be healthier as a nudist. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3771 Of course, it's a "royal pain," but could you be more specific? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3772 No Midas, viagra won't fix your broken 'touch' . 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3773 I think I know why you are feeling hot. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3774 Yes, I'm sorry. Everything you touch turns to gold. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3775 Your majesty I am sorry to tell you that your carisma index is trending dangerously low. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3776 Okay, the good news is you're not pregnant." 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3777 Cranial insertion could contribute to an enlarged prostate. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3778 The good news is you’re pregnant. The bad news is you’re crowning. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3779 It's not good news...you will only be king for a day, at most. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3780 Well, it turns out you really have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3781 I'm guessing the three witches you mention as "Lore-keepers of the King's humors" won't be faxing us that lore. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3782 The good news is you're very healthy for an old man. The bad news is your blood panel indicates you'd do better as Santa Claus than King. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3783 It seems like your hein-ness has an issue 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3784 it looks like All the King's Horses and All the King's Men are going to be able to fix your problems, Sire. 1.2584 0.04933 89 67 21 1
3785 I wish I had better news; I think it’s time to call for your fiddlers three” 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3786 Let me be clear, your highness. Renal, not regal; kidney, not kingly. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3787 When you reign, it pours. Cholesterol’s up too. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3788 Bad news. It’s B negative . Not royal. 1.2584 0.06297 89 73 9 7
3789 It looks like you dodged a bullet there, Sire, sitting up on that wall. I wish I could say the same for your friend Humpty... 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3790 That Whopper diet is not really sustainable. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3791 So you are concerned because you found out your recent contacts have been taking tricks? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3792 I’m sorry but we don’t accept Gold Cross. Have you looked into the ACA at all? 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3793 I see that your gout has become a royal pain. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3794 Just keep an eye on those thronesores. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3795 I'd rather not see your "new clothes" Mr. Emperor. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3796 Once again, tweeting does not lower your blood pressure. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3797 I have bad news...I’m afraid the emperor took your clothes. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3798 Well, the good news is you're fit for a king. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3799 Now sir, No, we do not crown teeth, or give out blue teeth. Now wait here while I get Dr. Pepper. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3800 You should probably have stayed out of the snow - the stuff that’s deep and crisp and even is the worst kind.” 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3801 You only want to hear the good news then, I assume. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3802 La profession médicale, c’est moi! 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3803 Cut the peasant floggings to once a week and come back in six months. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3804 To recover your royal wee, I'm afraid we'll have to operate. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3805 I’ve been looking at your file and if you don’t start moving soon, you could find yourself in checkmate. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3806 You only have one season finale to live. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3807 That thing on your head could be giving you those migraines. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3808 Seems you've consumed too much royal jelly. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3809 When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. Or, in your case, it’s probably just a little indigestion. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3810 And have you considered removing the crown, Your Highness, if only during those moments of intimacy? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3811 I will just ask several of my interns to examine you, King Midas. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3812 I’m afraid the royal-blood test came back negative. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3813 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3814 It's official, you're a Royal pain in the ass! 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3815 I think it's genetic. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3816 I’d say it’s a clear diagnosis of royal pain in the butt syndrome 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3817 Blood work shows your bodily humors are out of balance. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3818 Your wife said let THEM eat cake 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3819 The opening in the robe goes in the back. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3820 The good news: you have the Midas Touch. The bad news: you'll need to use a catheter from now on. My condolences. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3821 Well Your Majesty, your hearing is fine but your anachronism has flared up. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3822 That ‘Impossible Whopper’ should bring your cholesterol levels back in line. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3823 This has become a royal pain... 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3824 Feverish and a heavy feeling? We'll check you out for possible myocardial infarction. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3825 It looks like you need a Queen 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3826 You're apparently allergic to the rest of us. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3827 I can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3828 I am sorry your highness,but for me to perform adequate prostate and hemorhoid exams,you will have to stand up and remove your Trump fur coat. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3829 Well you've gone from average to the golden standard 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3830 What exactly are you putting on your burger, King? 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3831 I’m sorry your majesty, but the results show that your blood is indeed red. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3832 I will agree to the colonoscopy if I can keep my crown on" 1.2584 0.06297 89 73 9 7
3833 It says here that you had your last three physicians beheaded 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3834 My liege, it appears that the crown jewels have gone missing 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3835 "And here is your referral to that psychiatrist we discussed, Mr. Goodman." 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3836 We seem to have a problem locating your Crown Jewels. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3837 We only charge a king's ransom for a royal diagnosis. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3838 This new medication may require you to sit on the throne a little more. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3839 The biopsy was negative. The royal pain in your ass could be all in your head. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3840 You gotta lay off the burgers. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3841 Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, Your Majesty. But for you...not much longer. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3842 Nothing, except you're a royal pain in the butt. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3843 You may think you have divine right to eat whatever you want, but my God complex says it's time to shed some pounds. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3844 Well, OK ... but it's still supposed to open in the back. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3845 The DNA test raises questions about your lineage. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3846 It's benign polyps. Not serious, but a royal pain in the ass. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3847 I think we're going to name the disease after you. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3848 It appears that all of those burgers have definitely taken a toll on your heart. 1.2584 0.06297 89 73 9 7
3849 The crown lies too heavy. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3850 It appears not to be the Queen, but hemorrhoids, causing your Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3851 We have great facility and I'm sure Einstein and Napoleon will become your best friends 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3852 This may come as a Whopper, but you need to cut back on the burgers. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3853 You may be a king, but you shouldn't eat like one. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3854 I'm afraid the latest report on your cholesterol level is a real Whopper. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3855 I know -- hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the butt! 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3856 I’m afraid your crown has taken root. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3857 You have measles. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3858 It says here you're fit.....for a king 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3859 Your diagnosis is quite a whopper! 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3860 ... and your physical strength and stamina are extraordinary 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3861 Sir, the good news was your kingdom for a horse trade. The bad news is now you have hemorrhoids. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3862 I’m afraid tests confirm its Crown’s disease 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3863 I suppose you realize you are a royal pain. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3864 The pain should subside once the crown and robe are permanently removed. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3865 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but in vitro fertilization seems to be the only way you’ll have an heir to the throne. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3866 You have three daughters listed as emergency contacts...maybe it's wiser to choose one. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3867 You're the first royal I've seen that can't wee. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3868 So when did this 'uneasy head' begin? 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3869 not such a merry old soul 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3870 This says you’re here for a royal pain 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3871 Your test results indicate the need of a royal flush. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3872 Can I pay for that in crown jewels? 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3873 You're lucky. It's covered under your Royal Treatment plan. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3874 Test results indicate you've come down with a bad case of affluenza" 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3875 I’m afraid your plan doesn’t cover treatment for an inflamed monarchy. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3876 I am going to prescribe a larger bed. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3877 Nothing much, but the heir around here is quite cold and harsh, so take care. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3878 You need a heart transplant, your insurance was cancelled, and you need to limit your drinking to 4 oz. of alcohol per day. 1.2584 0.06091 89 72 11 6
3879 I'd develop a treatment plan for you, but it's a royal pain. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3880 What do you mean Co-payment... 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3881 How many hours a day do you spend sitting? 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
3882 Out there, you may be lord of all you survey, but in this office you’re just another statistic waiting to happen, my friend. 1.2584 0.04933 89 67 21 1
3883 That's great, but if you want the full check-up I will need to see the... other crown jewels. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3884 OK with the fiddlers three, but the pipe and bowl will have to go. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3885 The diagnosis is in: royal pain in the ass. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3886 We've spent hours and still no diagnosis...it's what we call a royal pain. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3887 It's a royal pain in the neck 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3888 Physically you're fine. Mentally not so fine. 1.2584 0.06297 89 73 9 7
3889 Alright Sir, cough three times while I wield your sword. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
3890 I'm sorry - but we can't apply the Trump standards even to royalty. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3891 I warned you about all those burgers... 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
3892 And you say the Queen wants you to stop taking your Viagra? 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
3893 You need to see a dentist to get that replaced. 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
3894 YOU ARE IN THE TOP 1%, SO NO WORRIES ABOUT PREEXISTING CONDITIONS. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
3895 Sir, I actually meant Crohn's disease, with an 'h' 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
3896 Sir, the nurse told you to change into a patient robe! 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
3897 My Liege, no obstruction yet, just obstipation! Chamber preaches disimpaction. Abdicate or abide by plebiscite. 1.2581 0.05902 93 75 12 6
3898 I’m afraid you’ve got a merry old soul. 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
3899 You need to lay off the mutton and suckling pig for awhile. Stick to the giant turkey leg for your source of protein if you must have meat. 1.2577 0.05913 97 79 11 7
3900 So, I guess you found out that the nurse refers to you as a royal pain in the ass? 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
3901 We just need to explain to Medicare how it’s different from a “regular” pain in the butt. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
3902 The fiddlers three are fine, but at your age I’d lay off the pipe and bowl. 1.2577 0.06092 97 80 9 8
3903 Well, according to these test results, you've royally screwed. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
3904 It says your soul is old, but jolly. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
3905 Donnie. The pill is not working ⁉️ 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
3906 You need to lay off the burgers. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
3907 Thy Kingdom Come 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
3908 I will try to put this delicately? There is a kink in your royal pumping. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
3909 I'll need a second opinion on your receding heir line. 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
3910 I'm concerned about your family's history of regicide. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
3911 These results indicate you’re pretty fit for a king. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3912 ...the good one is that your son will be a great king. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
3913 To be completely honest, all of your horses and all of your men do not have the best medical track record. You should have saw a real medical professional a long time ago." 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3914 The dryness of your sinus is minus, Your Highness. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3915 You seem to have a royal case of the flu. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3916 Unfortunately, we're going to have to lose the family jewels 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3917 Unfortunately, a ”king-sized” spleen is not a good thing. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3918 The good news is your touch is fine. The bad news is the gold market has flatlined. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3919 The test results are in YOU ARE THE KING 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3920 I don't have a "dollar menu" for procedures.. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
3921 A Colonoscopy? We start at your Royal Heinie... 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3922 Your Royal Highness, are you up-to-date on your vaccines? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3923 Doc, do you want me to take my clothes off?" "Um...you aren't wearing any. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
3924 This note from the Queen says you are a pain in the ass not that you have a pain in the ass! 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
3925 Sir, I will not begin the examination until you put on the robe I GAVE YOU. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
3926 Yes, your "royal flush" will subside after a week of antibiotics. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3927 You're suffering from a severe case of twitteritis. 1.2556 0.06233 90 74 9 7
3928 I'm afraid you'll have to see a proctologist. You have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
3929 Yes, I'll re-read Dr. Denny's orders: "God save the Queen." 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3930 I’m going to need to take a Crest x-ray. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3931 ...the good news is you're going to live happily ever after. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3932 With all due respect, Your Highness, I must abide by HIPPA laws regarding the Queen’s results. 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
3933 Interesting: you have a kingdom and you're hoarse. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
3934 I can prescribe something that may work better than the royal apothecary's love potion. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3935 I know this news is hard to take in, but you need to get out of your bathrobe, put on some shoes, and shave. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
3936 You definitely have to cut back on the burgers 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
3937 Have you tried fishing? 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
3938 I'm all for merriment Mr. Cole but I still think cutting back to one fiddler a day would do you good. 1.2553 0.05846 94 76 12 6
3939 It's good to be King. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
3940 ..all looked good and here is the letter for Mrs. I Claus you requested, confirming your head is definitely not up there. 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
3941 It could be "King For A Day" or "King For A Week" or "King for Some Months" but unless you start taking better care of yourself it will not be "King For Very Long". 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
3942 There's not much we can do for a royal pain in the ass. 1.2549 0.05518 102 82 14 6
3943 Yes Sir, my professional opinion is that you are totally delusional. 1.2547 0.05853 106 88 9 9
3944 You love tacos, that explains your health, but not why the president continues to buy your food 1.2529 0.04964 87 66 20 1
3945 I’m cutting you down to one siege per month... 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3946 Your insurance doesn't cover the cost of repairing crowns! 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3947 I'm afraid you are just too late to compete for one of the seven kingdoms. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3948 You need to quit eating like a king. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3949 We call it Coronary Heaviness. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3950 Your test results confirm that you are in check. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3951 Your chart suggests you’re immune to common ailments. 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
3952 Lose the pipe, stop filling the bowl, and cut down to two fiddlers. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3953 It does appear to be a Royal pain in the ass. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3954 It's official: Royal Pain in the Butt. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3955 It appears as though things may have gotten to your head. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3956 I’m going to write a script for an orthopedic throne and that should take care of those back issues. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3957 Apologies Mr. Smith, we are thinking of doing away with the paper gowns. Just experimenting. 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
3958 It's called royal pain in the arse syndrome. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3959 It may be time to abdicate the burger throne. 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
3960 Yeah, I found a pot o’ gold up there alright. 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
3961 I don't think what they keep saying is that you HAVE a royal pain in the ass. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3962 Let me see here, you say your throne is giving you hemorrhoids again. Is that right? 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3963 Cut back on the mutton and stop drinking water from the moat. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3964 Sure, I'm a proctologist, but you are a ROYAL pain in the ass. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3965 Yes! Well, what you have is a Royal-pain-in-the-ass! 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3966 So you say you got stung by the Queen, bee? 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3967 You look exhausted. You need to cut your harem in half. 1.2529 0.04964 87 66 20 1
3968 So we're going to put the scepter back horizontally next time, right? 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3969 Dad, I think mom is slowly poisoning you. 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
3970 Bottom line, it’s a royal pain in the butt. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3971 I'm sorry, but Royal Pain in the A** is not a real diagnosis. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3972 It looks as though there’s a problem with the crown — it will need to be removed 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3973 So, you have what we in the medical profession refer to as a “Royal Pain in the Ass..” 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3974 Your robe is on backwards and that’s not what I meant by crowning... 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3975 I'm afraid it's off with your head. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3976 I'm afraid all of your blue blood tests have come back positive. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3977 trust me — it’ll be a prostate exam befitting a king. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3978 The good news is it's not checkmate, but you are going to have make some sacrifices. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3979 . . . and, for Your Majesty's hemorrhoids, I recommend royal jelly." 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3980 So, what percentage of your diet is Chicken McNuggets? 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3981 While peasant revolts can have adverse health effects, I'm afraid your insurance doesn't that condition. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3982 Hmmm, there’s a letter here from the court jester proclaiming you’re in perfect health. 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
3983 I am going to have to refer you to a proctologist for that particular pain. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3984 And how would you rate this pain? 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
3985 Still a royal pain, I see. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3986 Yes, as king, you can say heart disease is a good thing. I am just here to tell you what that good thing means. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3987 Do you remove your crown before retiring? 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3988 I've ordered you a Royal Flush. Cod liver or extra virgin olive oil?" 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3989 The results are back. You no longer have depression. Good job keeping your head up, King. Your crown is no longer falling. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3990 Well you know big guy, you can’t just sit around with your arse on the throne all the time. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
3991 Well,it looks like you've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
3992 Uneasy, you say? Well, we'll see if the tests turn up anything. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3993 So I hear that you've been a royal pain, err have a royal pain? 1.2529 0.06378 87 72 8 7
3994 Yeah well Walter of Durham clearly never heard of lumbar support.” 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3995 The proctologist says you’re a royal pain in the ass. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3996 Here we have the test results. I'm afraid you will have to continue to be just plain Mr. Rex King. No royalty. I'm so sorry. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
3997 Wait! You want me to say that you are the healthiest king in the entire history of monarchies/ 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
3998 So, a first timer at the free clinic and with rich man’s disease. Interesting. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
3999 I know that ‘Winter Is Coming,’ but if you just take vitamin C, you’ll be fine. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
4000 And the good news is your reign is good for another 24 hours. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
4001 Diagnosis: democrasy intolerance. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
4002 The No Clothes syndrome? Put on the green gown that ties at the back and I will examine you. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
4003 I'm prescribing you to spend 6 nights at a round table 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
4004 "The royal pain in your ass is a hemorrhoid." 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
4005 There's a slight problem with the crown jewels 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
4006 I'd recommend against making any more fast food endorsement deals. 1.2524 0.04921 103 80 20 3
4007 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but you aren't a merry old soul after all. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
4008 Your blood work shows that your job with Burger King is catching up with you. 1.2524 0.04921 103 80 20 3
4009 Mr. King, The Good News is Burger sales are UP. The BAD news is so is your cholesterol. 1.2524 0.04517 103 78 24 1
4010 Let’s try cutting out the burger, king 1.2524 0.05641 103 84 12 7
4011 It's true you are King for life but... 1.2524 0.04723 103 79 22 2
4012 I like what your wearing better than your santa clause costume that you wore at your last checkup 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4013 Seems like you are a Merry Old Soul! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4014 The seat that occupies the throne should wear underpants. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4015 To be king, one must be born into a monarchy. 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4016 I'm afraid Your Majesty has just a commoners cold. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4017 Maybe try cutting back on the fast food. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
4018 It says you're here by appointment, but you didn't have to dress for it. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4019 Do I look like a court jester? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4020 Yeah, the surgeons get carried away with April Fools' pranks. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4021 It might be easier to deal with your prostate problems if you took off your robes. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
4022 You used to be such a merry old soul, Your Majesty. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4023 I give you about six months more of Devine Rights. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4024 I'm sorry, Sire. You've been pawned. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4025 Huh. Our tests show though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in you. Stay away from gluten. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4026 Impressive weight loss, Santa. Still eating Imperial Margarine? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4027 You say you use to be a queen? 1.2500 0.05752 100 82 11 7
4028 So this started after you didn't get cast for G.O.T.? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4029 Before we start, I want to confirm that this is in network. My planter wart removal emptied the National Treasury. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4030 Tests show you’re not feeling so merry. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4031 it says here your daily supplements include fish oil, vitamin D and Burger King nuggets 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4032 You say you have a royal pain in the ass? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4033 According to this report, you would do well to learn how to tweet. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4034 I'm afraid you have an iron fist deficiency. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4035 Sire, I'm afraid you have the worst case of Wenceslasitis I've ever seen.... 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4036 King Cole, you can still be jolly.... just lay off the pipe. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4037 Bend over and let me look at that royal pain. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4038 The X-ray shows....you don't have a heart. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4039 I’m sorry your highness, but royalty does not exempt you from your prostrate exam. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4040 Can you be more specific? Exactly where is your royal pain? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4041 It seems to run in your family. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4042 How long gave you had this royal pain in the neck? 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4043 I'm sorry. The tests confirm a storybook case of Monarchitis. Also, the Emperor would like his clothes back. 1.2500 0.05911 92 75 11 6
4044 Bad news I'm afraid - tests confirmed it's a brain Tudor 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4045 These numbers will look a lot better if you lay off the burgers. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4046 I can assure you that it is merely a coincidence that you have Castleman Disease. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4047 Your condition is medically referred to as a 'Royal Pain in the Gluteus Maximus.' 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4048 Time to reevaluate that whole "Long Live the King" plan we discussed. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4049 I guess I just assumed "check on his highness" meant we'd be screening cholesterol. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4050 Yeah, you went from game of thrones to game of scoliosis 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4051 Well, sir, by definition that pain in your ass is a royal one. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4052 Thy royal cholesterol is rather regally elevated 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4053 Well, sir, all reports indicate that you're still acting like a baby. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4054 Sir, you can't have it your way. I'm the boss and you get the diagnosis I give you. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4055 Good news bad news, it’s not cancer, but you are nuts. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4056 If you can bend over and cough, I'll examine the royal jewels. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4057 The crown does make your rectal exam more regal. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4058 On the brighter side, you're a merry old soul. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4059 Your Majesty, hemorrhoids don’t care that you’re king. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4060 No . . . , I’m sorry . . . , there is only one size for the specimen cups. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4061 That royal pain you've been having turned out to be a hemorrhoid. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4062 Your heirs do have their own careers Don’t they? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4063 It’s most likely a royal pain in the ass. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4064 It seems that even Humpty Dumpty's horses and men won't be able to put you back together again. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4065 Turns out, it’s not so good to be The King after all. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4066 You're not going to like these results! This is what happens when you royals keep intermarrying." 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4067 I'm afraid the condition is hereditary. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4068 According to the lab, you have a rare hematologic disorder called Blue Blood. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4069 The problem seems to be that uneasy lies your head. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4070 Yes, I too am old school no Electronic Medical Records for me. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4071 Looks like it's a bad case of what I call sceptre-cemia. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4072 Your condition is a royal pain in the ass 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4073 I'm concerned about your royal pain in the ass." 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4074 The MRI indicates it's just a royal pain in the neck. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
4075 I think it just comes down to you being a royal pain. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4076 You're just not fit for a king. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4077 I've got bad news You're allergic to ermine. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4078 And who exactly are you? I have a Lisa Shelby listed as my current patient. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4079 Plus, I'm afraid you've been replaced by Glenda Jackson. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4080 Your blood pressure looks good, but your taxes are through the roof. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4081 So symptoms include turning everything to gold? 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4082 This appears to be a Royal Pain In the Ass. 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4083 I see you’ve taken this gout diagnosis to the next level Mr Henry. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4084 Sir, wear a different hat and you'll be fine. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4085 ...but your test results are not so majestic. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4086 No, I have no relation to Dr. Pepper. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4087 Your soul isn't as merry as it was on your last checkup. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4088 It looks like you are suffering from a royal flush. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4089 Just how long has it been since you were a merry old soul? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4090 Tests show it turned to gold because you keep touching it. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4091 You are testing positive for being a royal pain in the ass. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4092 You do realize that “royal pain” is just an expression? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4093 So, you're saying you're depressed and feel limited, and you want to run for President? 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4094 How do you like our new updated hospital gowns? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4095 And how has legalization affected Your Highness? 1.2500 0.05911 92 75 11 6
4096 You need to cut back on the weekly banquets for your cholesterol's sake. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4097 Unfortunately for you, size does matter. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4098 Well, it seems you’ve got a royal pain in the a__. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4099 The results are in, you really are a king. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4100 It's not just hemorrhoids. In your case it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4101 Sire it appears you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4102 Bad news King Creole, it's your coconuts! 1.2500 0.05389 100 80 15 5
4103 I believe I have diagnosed where your royal pain is. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4104 So how long have you had this royal pain the neck? 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4105 I checked for allergies, but concluded you only have a royal flush. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4106 Old King Cole may be a merry old soul but methinks his liver has been spending too much time in the royal wine cellar! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4107 I'm afraid your blood is not blue 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4108 Bad news. Better call all your horses and all your men. 1.2500 0.04794 100 77 21 2
4109 I'm afraid the tests results are conclusive. You definitely aren't wearing any clothes. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4110 Mrs. Claus thinks I should up your dosage. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4111 I am very sorry. But in this case Mel Brooks is wrong. 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4112 One of your divine rights is the right to die. Need I continue? 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
4113 My tests confirm that it is a royal pain in the ass! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4114 And how long have you had this pain in the butt? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4115 No, sir, ALL blood is blue until it hits the air. 1.2500 0.06515 88 74 6 8
4116 Sure your knees ache, but I see the Mets pay you a King's Ransom to Catch. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4117 There's nothing physically wrong with you, sir. But the tests suggest you have a split personality: Santa Claus was not a king. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4118 This isn't what I meant when I said you were royally ill. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4119 I see you turned your last doctor into gold. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4120 I like to think that all of my patients get royal treatment. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4121 These tests results seem to indicate a royal pain in the ass. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4122 You’ve sustained quite a blow to the crown jewels. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4123 I see by your last visit you gained a few pounds. You may want to cut back on the Whoppers. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4124 After further examination, it seems to be just a royal pain in the buttocks. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
4125 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but it appears that you are allergic to fur. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4126 I'm sorry, John. Medicare has denied your claim for The Royal Treatment. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4127 So, how exactly did it turn into gold again? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4128 Unfortunately, we have no diagnosis. All your caregivers were turned to gold. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4129 Cholesterol's a bit high. I'd cut back on the chicken a la king. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4130 You have a whopper of a bowel obstruction. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4131 Maybe you should consider adding some iron to your throne. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4132 I'm afraid we have not come up with a cure for the Midas Touch. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
4133 On an empty stomach, take eye of newt, toe of frog and wool of bat. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
4134 I have to agree with the first opinion. Looks like acute regal failure. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4135 It's your colon, sir. We need to give it a royal flush. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
4136 I'm afraid it would take a kings ransom to cure what you have. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
4137 Your test results came back royally 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
4138 You'll have to be more specific than "a royal pain..." 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
4139 You may be king, but you cannot command your kidneys to function. 1.2476 0.05544 105 86 12 7
4140 What kind of chair are you sitting in at work? 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
4141 Richard Burton? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
4142 I'm sorry —we've exhausted all tests and we can not see your 'new clothes'? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
4143 I'm sorry, King, but you may not live long. 1.2475 0.05871 101 84 9 8
4144 You're in luck! We found a matching throne donor for you. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
4145 I know you're the king. But, at your age, you really should get a colonoscopy. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
4146 Based on the test results, it says here you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
4147 I'm afraid hemorrhoids are only figuratively a royal pain. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
4148 The literature describes this syndrome as "a royal pain." 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
4149 I cannot legally allow your court jester to read your test results. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
4150 Just treat them like any other fanfare. Cry "Hark!" and look to your ministers for corroberation. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
4151 It's worse than we thought your Majesty. It's actually a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
4152 Congested is the head that wears the crown. 1.2472 0.06247 89 74 8 7
4153 I told you -- less red meat and fried foods. You can't have it your way any more." 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
4154 Your citizens are in revolt, your knights are conspiring against you, and your wife has abandoned you! 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
4155 No sir, royal blood is just an expression. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4156 It's just a royal flush. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4157 This shows you have royal blood, and majestic cholesterol. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4158 In layman’s terms, it’s “Dilly dilly” 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4159 That get-up will not prevent me from doing an anal exam. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4160 It says royal pain -in-the-something but I can't read my own doctor scribble. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4161 And how have your jewels been lately? 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
4162 You do look flush. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4163 It appears that you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4164 You have...uhmmm... a most royal case of herpes... 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4165 It says: "His Majesty is in excellent health and I look forward to briefing some of the details on Tuesday. Signed Dr. Ronnie Jackson." Shall we begin now Sire? 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4166 Old King Cole I'm afraid you will no longer be a merry old soul. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4167 I am recommending scrotoplasty. In the meantime, keep with the long robe. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4168 You're eating too many Whoppers. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4169 Huh Obamacare ?! 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4170 How long has this regal thing been going on...? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4171 You're so right, your majesty. Prune juice IS for plebeians. For YOU, drink only the very best hand-squeezed satsuma plum nectar. At least a couple of gallons a day. Fix you right up. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4172 Well, on the other-hand, it IS gold... 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4173 ...and make sure your obit reads, 'He passed away following a courageous battle with sanity.' 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
4174 You will long live. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4175 Was that robe on sale? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4176 I suggest an old remedy: My kingdom for a horse. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4177 Sir, please stop calling them 'kidney jewels'', we get it. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4178 Well ... for starters, it looks like your royal blood isn't royal." 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4179 Nothing to worry about: it's only a case of the uncommon cold 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4180 An enlarged prostate is certainly one possible cause of a royal pain in that location. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4181 You say you’re experiencing a royal pain in the ass? 1.2471 0.04995 85 65 19 1
4182 Have you tried seeing a psychiatrist? 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4183 You'll have to cut down on cutting ribbons" 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4184 Yes, you are old, but you don’t seem to be especially merry. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4185 As suspected, it's a Royal Pain in the butt. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4186 No, your Majesty. I don’t think your wife is the cause of your royal pain. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4187 "I've never seen a case of 'Royal-Pain-in-the-Ass' before." 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4188 And how much time are you spending on the throne? 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4189 I told the dentist to remove your crown. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4190 You say Humpty jumped you? 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
4191 That's not what we mean by highness, I'm afraid. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4192 ‘Er, no Your Highness, I won’t need to inspect your Crown Jewels.’ 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4193 No wonder you're cold, Your Majesty. You can't rely on personal charisma to keep you warm. You need to wear clothes underneath your robe. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4194 The note from Queen says, I must get to the bottom of this. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4195 It says here in the note from the director that you are in excellent health. Congratulations. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4196 I'm sorry, but the fiddlers three have cancelled your insurance. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4197 So we are still shy about taking our clothes off, are we.. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4198 A burger, a shake, and no fries, correct? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4199 So you say these two weavers promised you new clothes. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4200 I understand bringing your own robe,but the crown? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4201 Your blood tests indicate you're an extra in a play. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4202 No, the sceptre is a benefit of the Concierge Royale “Plus” plan. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4203 We can surgically remove the crown but not without some graft. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4204 I'm afraid you have a common cold, Sire. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4205 The good news is you still have 6 months to live; the bad news is that is will be under your wife's rule. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4206 I think it’s best if you keep going with “The clothes make the man” thing. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4207 This may be nothing more than a royal pain in the ass 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4208 Sire, All of Your Vitals Are Still Very Merry , And in Your Winning This Year's Nobel Peace Prize for Everlasting Merriment, The Peace Prize Committee has granted that Your Acceptance Will Be Heralded by Your Fiddlers Three + Itzhak Perlman 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4209 Maybe I'll increase your medication dose just a bit more 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4210 Sorry to inform your highness, but they don’t call you an asshole for nothing. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4211 As a time traveler, you may be unfamiliar with the concept of "hospital robe." 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4212 The lab results are back and as I expected, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4213 Huh. Turns out is IS just a royal pain in the ass. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4214 I'm sorry your highness. The only way to get rid of this royal pain is the 2020 election. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4215 Your soul isn't quite as merry as it used to be. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4216 Well, there are several options for treating a royal pain in the ass. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4217 Sire - The proctologist's report is in. It IS a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4218 It's a simple case of Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4219 And where, precisely, is this pain? 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4220 How do I want to put this? Let's start by giving up on the old trope 'Long live the king'. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4221 Well, you see, sir, ALL of our patients get the royal treatment 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4222 ...and how long have you been in politics? 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4223 The pediatric doctor will be available shortly. 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
4224 So if I understand you correctly you want to come down with gout like the other kings, right? 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4225 Your authentic self yearns to be Queen of Transylvania!" ~ Helen Rosenbaum, Long Island City, N 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4226 There can't be much money in residuals as spokesman for Imperial Margarine. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4227 ...and your total bill is going to be 1 dragon and 2 unicorns. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4228 Hmmm...so, chief complaint--'We wee-wee wee-ly'" 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4229 In plain English, you have a whopper of a prostate. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4230 Well, your majesty, it was $175,000 for this report for Trump, so how about €150,000 for yours?" Meg Van Brocklin, Portland, Ore 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4231 The tests indicate that you've got a royal pain in the .... 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4232 I think I'm going to change up your meds. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4233 My DRE indicates there’s nothing to be seriously worried about when it comes to the royal wee. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4234 To shrink those hemorrhoids, try not to strain at the throne. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4235 I am sorry but I can't tell your mother to step down because you have Kingitis 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
4236 I don't know how else to put this to you, but this is going to be a royal pain in the butt. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4237 Sir, have you considered giving up your throne occasionally and walking briskly around the kingdom? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
4238 And just how long have you been experiencing this ‘royal pain in the ass’? 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4239 The pain in your posterior is commonly known as a royal condition 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
4240 Get off your throne more often; you’ve got hemorrhoids. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
4241 Regrettably your grace, your royal prostate is, what you would term, of a princely size. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
4242 And how is the Royal "We" feeling today? 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
4243 Your diagnosis: A royal pain in the ass. 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
4244 We've elected to have the results presented by your Court Jester 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
4245 I think you should cut back on back on Burger King 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
4246 I assure you, your highness, a proctol exam is not undignified. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
4247 No, I will not share Ronald's cholesterol numbers with you. 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
4248 Your rectal discomfort is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2447 0.05991 94 78 9 7
4249 Well, your medical history... Hmm... We have to assume that protections offered by "divine right of kings" are offset by "subject to use of guillotine". 1.2444 0.05765 90 73 12 5
4250 Your GP’s report says you’re the healthiest king since the monarchy began. 1.2444 0.05765 90 73 12 5
4251 Can you be more specific than "a royal pain in your butt"? 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
4252 The results are definitive: What's upsetting you is all the special orders. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4253 Mr. Smith, your prostate is fine, but I’m sending you for a psychiatric evaluation. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4254 Sorry, but I insist that even great Kings such as yourself submit to a prostate exam. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4255 According to your charts, you're a royal pain in the arse. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4256 I'm sorry your highness, but you have a serious case of multiple declarosis 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4257 Let's bring your intake of blood of the vanquished up a bit, mkay? 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4258 King, shming! Your apostate prostate is prostrate. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4259 So if it lasts more than 4 hours again, please seek medical assistance, sir. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4260 Well King Cole, you're not a merry old soul because your bi-polar episodes put you in the 'royal pain' category. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4261 Well, it's not good to be the king today. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4262 We have a tapeworm. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4263 Sire, the royal examination gown opens at the back. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4264 If you don't disrobe I cannot check that skin rash all over your body. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4265 I don't care what you're the king of, you can't be on an all burger diet when you have gout. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4266 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but you have just a common cold. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4267 I agree. Paper gowns are so bourgeoisie, but you still have on backwards. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4268 Sure, I guess in your case we can call the rash a "Royal Flush" 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4269 From my examination, Your Highness, I can only conclude that you have a royal pain in the butt. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
4270 There's a difference between being a royal pain in the butt and having a royal pain in the butt. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4271 It’s gout you pig 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4272 I'm afraid your "Midas Touch" is out of whack 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4273 Seriously? You've never had a taco? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4274 Our psychological tests confirm why you have so many short lived relationships Mr Swellhead. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4275 Although I truly​ appreciate your individuality, that is not the type of robe we need you to wear for this exam. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4276 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown is the root cause of your insomnia Henry. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4277 Unfortunately, with great power comes great hemorrhoids. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4278 I'd say your hemorrhoid problem is from working too hard on the throne. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4279 Does this robe show your hiney, your highness? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4280 So, other than being a royal pain in the ass, it seems you have nothing to worry about 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4281 Look, I'll get straight to the point. You have to switch to the Impossible Whopper. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4282 I'm sorry, Your Highness, but you're in royally bad health. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4283 Well ... to begin with, your royal blood isn't actually blue." 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4284 A royal pain, you say? 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4285 Loneliness and powerless. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4286 Your blood work came back fine, Your Grace, but what concerns me are your balances of black and yellow bile. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
4287 Yes, it really is called a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4288 Unfortunately your Majesty your left big toe has turned to gold. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4289 The tests show a severe case of throne rash. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4290 Keep this up and you'll easily live until the next revolution" 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4291 My diagnosis is that you really are a 'Merry Old Soul' 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4292 I’m not writing you another doctor’s note. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4293 You need to stop eating so many Whoppers. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4294 We agreed last time, did we not, that you were going to be steering clear of ermine altogether. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4295 The good news, you're not naked. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4296 If you eat more fiber, you'll spend less time on the throne. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4297 According to this report, it's an illusion, not an obstruction. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
4298 Lie down and breathe deeply, you’re crowning. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
4299 Well, Mr. Cole, the lab tests confirm that you’re old but not a king. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4300 Sorry, but there is no "Royal" treatment for this, as far as I know 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4301 I'd advise more cole slaw. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4302 Sorry, nothing in your blood tests is coming up "royal." 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
4303 Although you're making some progress with the pipe and bowl, let's see if insurance will cover some fiddlers--ideally five or six, but you might get by with three. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4304 I'm sorry sir, but you've basically got the king of all colds. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4305 I'm afraid they won't be saying long live the king for much longer 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4306 Yes your Majesty, hemorrhoids are a royal pain in the butt! 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4307 I agree with the queen, your majesty; you'll never get an heir, if you simply refuse to disrobe. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4308 You want me to say that "There has never been a King in better health", and then sign this non-disclosure right? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4309 After digging around, I found your royal pain in the ass. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4310 According to these results, you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4311 Tests confirm you're Lionhearted 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4312 If this was a comedy, you wouldn't be here in the first place. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4313 Anal cyst, actually, but sure, there’s a nice ring to “royal pain in the ass”. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4314 I'm afraid it's more than a royal pain in the ass. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4315 In layman's terms, the test results confirm you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4316 Sorry, but the results show no evidence of royal blood. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4317 Your Highness, it says here your self-insured 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4318 Your Majesty- I know you have a good job as the Burger King mascot, but you need to change your diet. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
4319 So your chart indicates that you suffer from a Napolean complex..... 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4320 So that's just a figure of speech. Your blood is more, well...let's say...cornflower blue. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
4321 This time I'm going to be the royal pain in the ass. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
4322 So it says here that you are having trouble with your highness. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4323 The test results confirm that you are experiencing royal pain. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4324 And how long has your sleep been ‘uneasy’? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4325 Apparently the Queen is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4326 You need to lay off of the karat cake. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4327 You should cut down on those late night trips to White Castle. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4328 Unfortunately, we have no issue. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4329 Long live the king. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4330 Your crown isn’t big enough. Unfortunately you have gold deficiency. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4331 In your condition, it's probably best that you not lead the Crusade. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4332 According to our accounting department, you are no Lannister. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4333 Your Majesty, the biopsy shows [redacted]. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4334 I'm sorry but you have a severe case of bragging. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4335 Having you been drinking lately, your HIGHness? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4336 Your royal hiney, seems to be irritated. I reccommend butt cream. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4337 I see why you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4338 The royal pain in your ass appears to be the Queen Mother. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4339 Your Highness,I'm afraid you have some lowness that needs work. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4340 You're just must give up blackbird pie. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4341 I am sorry to say that Spatula Foot doesn't discriminate Your Highness. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4342 Of course, your highness, “this won’t hurt but it could be uncomfortable”, doesn’t apply to you 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4343 My name is Charlemagne, but all my friends call me Charlie. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4344 So sorry but you arent really fit to be King! 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4345 Well, I don't know if it's 'regal' diverticulitis, but it's definitely diverticulitis. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4346 But I’m already naked. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4347 Your Proctology exam indicates that you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4348 I recommend you stay in the palace on the Feast of Stephen, your Majesty! 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4349 It's definitely Republic-itis. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4350 The real "whopper" was believing that kind of diet was leading you here all along. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4351 This X-Ray clearly shows a merry ole soul. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4352 Colonel Sanders, dressing up like a king isn't going to make me forget how much Kentucky Fried Chicken you eat. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4353 The standard treatment is calling for the fiddlers three. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4354 No, the paper on the exam chair can't be switched out for silk. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4355 King Midas, this test result says you have a peculiar form of hardening of the arteries. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4356 We tested for cholesterol, sir. There's actually no test that can give any indication that you are the true heir to the Iron Throne. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4357 Your highness, I can't seem to find any cause for your royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4358 It says here your liver is not so royal. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4359 It's your feet. They're weird. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4360 So the card here says you're having suicidal thoughts? 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4361 I will need a sample so you can just head over to your throne. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4362 I'm afraid that you've developed the rare disorder, Counting Fingers. It's caused by spending too much time in your "Counting House, counting all (your) his money". 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4363 It’s possible I caught this from Fiddler Three. He’s called out of court all week. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4364 I'm afraid its a downfall your highness 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4365 Have you tried just taking the crown off? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4366 I have looked on your work-ups, and indeed, I must despair. 1.2439 0.04771 82 62 20 0
4367 Says here that you're a royal pain. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4368 The good news is that you've exceeded expectations based upon the history of males in your line of work. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4369 Just don't overdo the salt, Mr. Lear 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4370 Not to w orry,we will designate your hemorrhoids as a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4371 And these feelings of unease started right after the coronation? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4372 And next time you're snacking let's remember the difference between things marked 'Royal Currency' and 'Royal Currant Seeds'. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4373 And just how long, has it been stuck on your head? 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4374 I’m sorry to tell you this, but you won’t be sitting on the throne for awhile. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4375 In summary, you are not only going lose your kingdom but also your prostrate. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4376 I’m afraid my diagnosis is that you’re a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4377 Your coverage does not include a royal pain in the... 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4378 ... the ultrasound's the thing, wherein we'll catch the gallstones of the King. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4379 We've determined what that royal pain in your ass is 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4380 I suggest that you will feel better when you stop playing "King Me!" 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4381 Your prostate is of royal proportion but the Monarch plan will not cover a biopsy unless performed by a courtier. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4382 Sorry, Your Highness, it's all looking pretty good ... but I have to perform your DRE anyway! 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4383 Very odd! Your blood results show low iron, but very high gold. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4384 All of your horses and men failed, so I am afraid that the prognosis for Humpty is not good. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4385 Cholesterol 290! Time to give up the beef, Burger King. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4386 The technical name is aureodactly facticious disease. It’s an incurable psychiatric condition in which the patient believes he is King Midas. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4387 It seems you’re alergic to purple. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4388 Unfortunately, your medical plan doesn't cover "Royal pain in the ass". 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4389 You have royal pain where? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4390 We can apply the Midus touch, but It's five kings ransom. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4391 Your majesty, you have an ulcerated realm. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4392 Your Highness, may I say that you have Trumped! 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4393 Mr Tut, this is easy, you have “A Game Of Thrones” complex. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4394 You say you feel a royal pain--where? 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4395 The good news: you're a royal blueblood. The bad news: you need a transfusion. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4396 You may have a royal flush but it's still the common flu. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4397 I'm afraid the crown has been permanently fused to your skull. 1.2439 0.06622 82 69 6 7
4398 I don´t understand, you should have died 964 years ago. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4399 I can help with the cataracts - but you'll need a referral for the hurricanoes. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4400 I'm sorry. I'm afraid it looks like you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4401 It appears as though cholesterol is storming your castle gates. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4402 Of course Sire, I’ll be glad to announce that you’re the healthiest king of all times, I’ll just have to change some of these numbers 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4403 You are going to have to cut down on the burgers 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4404 Unfortunately, your plan doesn't covert The Royal Treatment 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4405 [Physician noises followed by muffled aristocracy noises] 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4406 Well your Majesty, it looks here like you have a royal pain in the butt. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4407 I'm afraid that your cholesterol levels have been Supersized since your last visit." 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4408 The bad news is: you're an overbearing elitist. The good news is: you are beloved in the pop culture. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4409 But doctor, I thought kings are immortal. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4410 I'm leaning toward King Of Stockholm Syndrome, which we rarely see in the United States. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4411 It says here that you don't have enough in your HSA for this procedure 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4412 Henceforth ! Viagra for the King ! 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4413 Hmm... looks like a simple case of Ole King Cold. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4414 This is the signed non-disclosure agreement, Your Highness, should you deign to disrobe. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4415 No, 'royal pain' is not a valid diagnosis. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4416 You eat how many Whoppers per day? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4417 Unfortunately this DNA test confirms that you are not Burger King’s father. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4418 You're naked under that robe, aren't you? 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4419 Actually y​ou might actually think this is good news! The tumor has grown and is now King sized 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
4420 In layman's terms, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4421 I’m afraid you have Emperors malady, there seems to be a lot of it around recently. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4422 I stand corrected, Your Majesty. Your primary symptom is a "Royal" pain in the ass... 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4423 Well here's a Whopper for you, you are now the Cholesterol King... 1.2439 0.06622 82 69 6 7
4424 Your operation has been postponed until we get a supply of royal blood. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
4425 We are upgrading your condition to ‘merry old soul.’ 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4426 But didn’t Mel Brooks say, “It’s good to be the king?” 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4427 I'm sorry but there's no actual cure for- anaxaphobia- as you put it 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4428 You're colonoscopy indicates that you are spending too much time on the throne. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4429 I have your diagnosis: Hypochondria. You're a royal pain in the butt. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4430 Just limit the touching and practice good hygiene. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4431 I'm afraid you have what's known as a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4432 I Don't need any help" I can teach you all. About (Anything 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4433 I'm afraid you've got all the symptoms of a royal pain in the ass! 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4434 Donald, how long ago did you declare yourself king? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4435 You have a royal pain in the neck. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4436 I’m afraid, that’s just not in the cards. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4437 I've got good news and bad news. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4438 I'm afraid there is no divine right to stool. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4439 So one of the symptoms you noted is a royal pain in the ass? 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4440 You're suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4441 Your cholesterol numbers are through the rough - time to lay off those Whoppers. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4442 Unfortunately not all that fit for a king, to be honest. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4443 It looks like you’ve got a bad case of unruliness. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4444 I'm sorry, but all the King's horses, and all the King's men are not going to fix your gout again. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4445 Your bloodwork does confirm you’re royally screwed. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4446 For a guy who's been dead for 200 years, you're in great shape 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4447 The bad news is you have a severe case of Game of Thrones. The good news is I can say with certainty you will only have four more episodes before it is over. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4448 No sadly Veggie Whoppers will probably not solve you cholesterol issues 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4449 Sorry to have kept you waiting. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4450 ... Yes, sir, technically it is a royal pain in the rear. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4451 It says here that you didn't wear any clothes last week. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4452 Your white cells are pure; your red cells kingly; and your blue blood is right in line 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4453 The good news is it's only your head that cracked. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4454 I'm sorry,sir,but I cannot vouch for your claim to the Iron Throne based on your 23 & me results. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4455 King, I am afraid the gold is from your touching. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4456 No worries, Mr. Price. Many of my patients have strong feelings about Game of Thrones ending. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4457 I assume you want the royal treatment. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
4458 Well, okay. “Your Highness,” strip down to your undershorts. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4459 Keep on dancing to the fiddlers three, but the pipe and the bowl have to go. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4460 What prostate, Glenda? 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4461 According to our records royal white men phased out a few years ago 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4462 I'm afraid its the commoner cold. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4463 So, lately you’ve been feeling a heaviness in your head? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4464 The fiddlers three are working, but try cutting down on the pipe & bowl. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
4465 your kindom come hope you can afford the insulin 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4466 Sorry,I see nothing in your test results about blue blood 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4467 It’s not serious, but I’d recommend that you ask your boss for some time off. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4468 I think it’s a mild rabble allergy, but avoid public places during coup season. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4469 So if I understand correctly you’re having trouble with golden showers? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4470 We've determined a CAT scan may look at a king. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4471 Well, your majesty, the clinical term for your condition is "Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4472 I recommend you stop calling for your pipe and your bowl. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4473 It's nothing you can't disguise. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4474 No, I don't think that just decreeing an end to erectile dysfunction disease will help you. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4475 The test result came in. It's a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4476 Your scores are low, but for $250,000 I can get you a spot at the USC Medical Center. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4477 200 pounds?! You need less majesty. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4478 So Doc., what exactly is this game of thrones disease? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4479 The tests are back on that royal pain you told me about...........". 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4480 I don't actually have a diagnostic code for 'royal pain'." 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4481 Your prostate is swollen, too. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4482 I suggest you lay off the Whoppers. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4483 You are on the examining table, the “throne” is through the door over there. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4484 I can help you with the cough if you’re still hoarse. I need to refer you to a specialist for the horse thing and the kingdom. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4485 Well you have a merry old soul but your cholesterol is a little high 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4486 Sorry king,no matter how many times I check,your blood is still not blue. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4487 Looks like a pawn has overtaken your square. It’s checkmate your highness. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4488 The tests confirm it . You are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4489 The symptoms should go away once "Game of Thrones" ends. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4490 Unfortunately, what you have is not Goût but Gout, the other Disease of Kings. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
4491 I believe we have found the missing Grail. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
4492 '''Ahem, I'm sorry but your blood appears to not be blue.'' 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4493 This disease is really reigning down on you. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4494 In my opinion only you can be saved only by decrowning. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4495 Your DNA results shows that you are not a king. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4496 Royal priveledge does not extend to avoiding colonoscopies. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
4497 I'm sorry, your highness, but an heir is out of the question. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4498 I'll give you a script for the bug that's committed lese-majeste. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4499 Most of your subjects just ask for the royal treatment without the pomp and circumstance. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
4500 I am sorry, but you have to go through "The emperor has no clothes" experience again ... 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
4501 "Morning sickness huh? Well, we know you're not crowning. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
4502 Sir, burgers are not considered a food group...even if you are the king 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
4503 Sitting will only aggravate that royal pain. 1.2427 0.04672 103 80 21 2
4504 Yes, you may still eat breakfast like a king, but you do need to get more exercise. 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
4505 Your majesty, I think you have a mead problem. 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
4506 The bad news: Still a royal pain... 1.2424 0.04992 99 78 18 3
4507 I'm thinking you're thin king. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
4508 And how long has it been now since nobody has truly understood you? 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4509 Uh...I'm a Proctologist. I don't do crowns. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4510 Sorry we don’t have a chair fit for a king here 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
4511 You've got a bit too far with my advice for starting weight-bearing exercise. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4512 With all due respect your excellency, I really don't think that me bowing and scraping is going to change these test results 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4513 the only treatment for a "royal flush" is complete bed rest. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
4514 Take two of these every day and you'll be a merry old soul again. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4515 Sorry, but undocumented immigrants are not covered by Medicare 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
4516 you have a royal pain in the...…. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
4517 Nothing to worry about, Your Highness. It's just sweat. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4518 I think that the burden of leadership on you is too mucb until your back gets better 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4519 Your cholesterol went up since conquering Normandy. 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
4520 This Serpents Tooth WAS sharper than your ungrateful child 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4521 According to your lipid chart, you may actually be the burger king. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4522 You were right; it is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4523 Your, highness, it's been 54 years since you were last weighed without your crown and robes. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4524 The MRI confirms it your Highness,...you have feet of clay. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4525 I regret that my common cold diagnosis doesn't reflect your eminent status. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
4526 I’d limit my visits to the throne if I were you. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
4527 Those are King sized hemorrhoids... 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
4528 Unfortunately the adage is not ’a mutton chop a day keeps the doctor away.’ 1.2414 0.06325 87 73 7 7
4529 Your exam shows you have a royal-pain-in-the-butt 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
4530 This report is fit for a King. 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
4531 Lab results say you're fit for a king. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4532 Once upon a time...... 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4533 You've had a few too many burgers, King. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4534 You need to cut back on Burger King. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4535 Can you describe the pain as anything other than royal? 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4536 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown...but not with Ambien. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4537 I'm sorry, but we can't promise you'll get blue blood during surgery. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4538 No, you just can't banish high cholesterol. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4539 Yes, it's annus horribilis. But I've seen worse. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4540 We'll I'm Sorry to Say, Your Restrooms Didn't check Out 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4541 Well I'm telling you I didn't touch it, Doc, so there's just no telling how it got that way. 1.2410 0.05024 83 64 18 1
4542 I'm sorry, your majesty, but a "Royal Flush" does not trump colo-rectal cancer. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4543 I am sorry, but your insurance does not cover a royal pain in the ass. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4544 You are doing just fine but your kingdom has heart failure! 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4545 I'm sorry to tell you,your highness,but Your DNA reports only 20 per cent blue blood,the rest being red. 1.2410 0.06320 83 69 8 6
4546 Well, well.So if the Queen had balls....turns out to be true!! 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4547 Cut down on the Whoppers, would you? Same advice I gave Trump. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4548 I’m afraid, Mr. Midas, you’ve permanently lost your touch! 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4549 ..she was a princess, you say? Well, your highness, at least you can say you got Royally fu-... 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4550 Yes, I do think Zoloft will return you to your Merry Ole Soul self. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4551 Are you the man who would be king or are you the king king? 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
4552 I understand your affinity for Crown Royal,your majesty,but these numbers suggest a need to cut back." 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4553 For someone 400 years old, you’re in pretty good shape. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4554 “I just don’t think you can lower HDL cholesterol by royal decree” 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4555 You've lost weight, but it seems you've turned into a disconsolate old soul. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4556 It's a classic case of a royal pain. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4557 Change 'merry old soul' to 'bury old soul' and you're all set. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4558 Yes, you may be a jolly old soul, but that has no bearing on the state of your liver." 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4559 The jury is still out on the benefits of sweat-it-out medicine 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4560 Yes, it’s medicine ‘Fit for a king.’ 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4561 You are here for knight sweats? 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4562 So, I see you have a royal pain. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4563 Looks like your we-we is not working. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
4564 I'm afraid you're allergic to un-elected power. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4565 I know this has been a Royal pain in the ass, but your test results indicate you're not over this and I still recommend surgery. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4566 Could you be the Salad King instead? 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
4567 No, I’m afraid incest isn’t curable... 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
4568 Well, Midas, your physical exam is going to be a challenge. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4569 We are out of lollipops, Your Highness. Would you like a sticker? 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4570 Sorry, Sire, the royal wee has abdicated 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
4571 The medicine I’m prescribing will clear your head of the delusions that you are the King and that a crown will hide your baldness. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4572 Well well,it seems here your cholesterol number is a real whopper! 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
4573 I’ll be honest with you Santa, you’ve got to snap out this. 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
4574 Hm-m-m-m... tell me more about this "Royal Pain in the Ass" of yours. 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
4575 Well sir, as it indicates here your blood is really NOT blue. 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
4576 Your 23 & Me results were not what we expected 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
4577 Tell me about this royal pain you're having. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
4578 Well, according to my charts, there's something rotten in the state of Denmark. 1.2391 0.06059 92 77 8 7
4579 Sorry, your test shows it's still red. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
4580 You are a complete asshole. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
4581 So how long have you been experiencing this "royal pain in the ass?" 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
4582 The robe should be open to the back. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
4583 I'm sorry, we no longer provide the royal treatment. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
4584 Good news the tumor is benign, and it's now King sized! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
4585 I think the "everything you touch turns to gold" symptom might present a problem with your physical. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
4586 I'm afraid the royal pain in the ass is not good news. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4587 I'm sorry sir. We used all your horses and all your men, we just weren't able to put them together again 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4588 Can I have fries with that 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
4589 We found your file under R Royal: Pain in the Butt 1.2381 0.05501 105 87 11 7
4590 Well, it’s quite obvious, you haven’t broken your crown. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4591 This will cost you your Kingdom. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4592 Game of Thrones? No. Game of Throes? Yes. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4593 I now need to examine your crow jewels. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
4594 The fiddlers are fine but the pipe and bowl have to go. 1.2381 0.05332 105 86 13 6
4595 Its a nice coat but you can't go around naked. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4596 I said gallstone, not goldstone 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
4597 Your highness, we did all we could, but the monarchy is dead. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4598 I'm sorry, sire; you can call your fiddlers three, but no more pipes 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4599 I’m afraid the diagnosis is checkmate 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
4600 Professionally speaking, your majesty, we prefer to call it a "Royal Hemorrhoid". 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4601 The burgers might be contributing to your gout. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
4602 Yes doctor. None of my ancestors died of natural causes. They were ALL beheaded. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
4603 Your vitals are normal but you have a Royal Pain Gene. 1.2376 0.05477 101 83 12 6
4604 Yes, your hiney. 1.2376 0.05655 101 84 10 7
4605 Well Mr. Canute, it looks like you do indeed have a water retention problem. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4606 Shall we bring in the jester to make light of your incontinence? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4607 The test results indicate a royal pain in the ass. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4608 It seems that not even all the kings horses and alls the kings men will be able to help you now. You've got chlamydia. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4609 I'm not sure that "royal pain in the butt" is a recognized diagnosis. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4610 You're not planning to pay for this appointment in gold, are you? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4611 Heavy is the heart worn down by cholesterol. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4612 Didn't the nurse ask you to disrobe 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4613 I have good news and bad news... The good news is your empire has proven victorious against the Pagan onslaught. The bad news is your medication isn’t working and you need to stop dressing like King Henry VIII 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4614 In order to avoid any trademark infringement, may I address you as the "King of Burgers"? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4615 So, you've indicated that you like the new exam gowns, right, Mr. Yardley? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4616 No more cake from now on. And I don't care what your wife says. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4617 I don’t think there’s a problem with the fiddlers three, but you’ll need to cut out the pipes and make sure there’s very little salt and a lot more fiber in the bowls from now on. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4618 Yes it's true, your treatment will cost you a King's ransom. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4619 Seems you have twitter ring. It's from sitting on the throne and tweeting all day. It stops the flow of blood to your brain. That's when everything ends up being a pile of crap. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4620 You need to cut back on the burgers King. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4621 No sir, we don't have a vaccine for affluenza. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4622 It’s gout, Vivek! 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4623 I am sorry to "reign" on your parade, but I have to advise​ not to eat everything King Sized. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4624 You've got a hairline fracture, Jack - and I'm afraid Jill had a bit of a spill. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4625 The test results show you've been calling for too many bowls and too many pipes to share with your fiddlers three. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4626 Your soles are old, but you've been dealing with that condition for a long time. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4627 No sir , we don't have any banana bread. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4628 My report says your from House Lannister. Tell me how season 8 ends and I'll share the results of your MRI. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4629 I scheduled your procedure on the Feast of Stephen. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4630 These tests confirm it. You're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4631 Nope, no more calling in sick, King Bubba. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4632 About your hemorrhoids: when I said to spend less time on 'The Throne', I meant the toilet 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
4633 No, saying that "We" aren't feeling well doesn't mean you can count this visit twice against your deductible. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4634 I found the cause of your royal pain. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4635 Taking off the crown before you lie down should help with the uneasiness you're experiencing. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4636 You're incredibly healthy. But we both know if I said otherwise, you'd have my head. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4637 I'm going to prescribe a royal painkiller 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4638 There's a lot of monarchophobia out there. Keep out of crowds. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4639 Your problem isn't ragin' gonorrhea, it's your hearing, King Lear. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4640 I'm sorry,but the "Divine Right of Kings" doesn't 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4641 So, this problem of yours has lasted for hundreds of years? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4642 Maybe fewer cloaks and crowns...your posture is terrible 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4643 I'm afraid it's the merry old soul that caused this problem. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4644 I've been warning you that your burger franchise has been the greatest cause of hyperlipidemia. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4645 With these test results, I would recommend you eat more like an Earl. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4646 Just as I expected: your head is heavy. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4647 Your colonoscopy came back positive. That could be a good thing for all of us. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4648 Looks like Burger King’s health plan won’t cover Coronary Heart Disease because it’s a pre-existing condition. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4649 You have ruler itis, very uncommon! 1.2375 0.06474 80 67 7 6
4650 I keep telling you: no more wild boar platters and stop lingering on the throne. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4651 GOOD NEWS! YOUR TEST RESULTS TELL ME THAT YOU'RE A MERRY OLD SOUL 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4652 It’s crownicle 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4653 I do believe you have a royal pain in your ass. 1.2375 0.06474 80 67 7 6
4654 Sire, the royal surgical gown is designed to expose the royal butt crack. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4655 I think you should limit yourself to one space per turn 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4656 All the tests are normal and it remains unclear why you have lost the Midas touch 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4657 You are definitely a First Class Patient" 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4658 So how long have you had this headache? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4659 No, you have to disrobe. I won't tell. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4660 King Midas, you may have lost your golden touch, but you can always go into the car Muffler business. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4661 Looking at your family history... I’m not at all shocked by your ailments. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
4662 Your vitals all look pretty good, but your head is a little heavy. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4663 You've got the crown on right but the robe's on backwards. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4664 I'm prescribing a couple of pillows for the performance, and then a long winter's nap. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4665 All your blood cells are a royal blue 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4666 Ok, it says here... your copay is three fiefdoms 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4667 No your majesty, hemophilia is not the medical term for “royal blood” 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
4668 According to your chart, it is right to crown a king for only a single day. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4669 Yup. Its a royal pain in the arse. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4670 I think we have to cut back on the feasts. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4671 Those can be caused by straining when you're sitting on the throne. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4672 No, I don't think the lab results showing no blue blood is, in fact, a mistake. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4673 What I'm saying is, if you want to be around for your Burger Princes and Princesses, maybe eat a few more carrots and few less fries. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4674 The tests confirm you are in fact King Richard III; I really don't know what to do next!?! 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4675 Hmmm, you say you were referred by your Primary Care Provider,"Merlin, the Magician." And what was Dr. Merlin' s main concern? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4676 Let me get this straight, you are Aegon Targaryen’s twin? 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4677 I want you to take it once step at a time, in any direction. 1.2375 0.06474 80 67 7 6
4678 Eights we can handle, aces, well... 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4679 Turns out you have an ermine fur allergy. I'll give you a script for Paxil. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4680 Looks like you still rule over your health 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4681 The beheading of your paternal grandmother is not a medical condiditon. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4682 Look, I know you're a proud guy, but there's no shame is using a scepter. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
4683 Normally, I would prescribe Monarchine . . . 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4684 The results on an obstruction of justice are inconclusive. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4685 Yes, I understand your absolute right to make decisions, your highness. But these days kings get colonoscopies too. So I wouldn't listen to your court jester. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4686 Even monarchs must take their statins. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4687 Your Kingdom for a horse??? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4688 As a boomer, your reign is coming to an end. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4689 Well, you’re old, you’re merry and you have a sole. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4690 Liege in airs diseases, I fear. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4691 Haven’t you ruled long enough? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4692 Oh, no, it’s nothing serious. Just a royal pain in the ass. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4693 You're worried because you have the common cold? 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4694 I don't care that you work in a costume shop, you still have to eat an apple a day 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4695 I see what you mean about a Royal Pain 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
4696 Lear all you want, it won’t change my diagnosis, you’re going blind and there’s “nothing” can be done about it. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4697 You'll have to cut to 2 fiddlers 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4698 The medical term for your diagnosis is ‘royal pain in the arse’.” 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4699 I know this will not come as a surprise to you 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4700 It says here that you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4701 Looking at this diet report, I strongly recommend that you cut back on all these meals at Burger King “ 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4702 Your wife's statement was correct. You are a royal pain. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4703 My grace, the results came back: inflame of thrones. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
4704 A heavy feeling is common for people in your position. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4705 Well Mr. Cole, we found your soul and it's not very merry! 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
4706 I'm sorry, YourHighness, but you seem to be allergic to ermine. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
4707 Don't expect the royal treatment. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
4708 Your insurance doesn’t cover your crown jewels. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
4709 You have a royal pain? Or you are a royal pain? 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
4710 I think I know where your royal pain is located. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
4711 Actually, that particular fool is outside of network. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
4712 It looks like you have a touch of Midas. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
4713 Let's play it safe and drain all the blood from your body. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
4714 Unfortunately, even your king’s ransom won’t cover the cost of the procedure you need. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
4715 Papa, I love you, but maybe leave the crown at home, even though your lab results do show blue blood. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
4716 You’ve got a serious case of thronitis. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
4717 Sire, there are certain issues with this notion of infallibility........ 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
4718 Looks like you'll have to spend more time on the Throne,, your Majesty 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
4719 At your age it's nothing to be ashamed of... 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
4720 Along with the warfarin script, your titular tribulation would be best addressed with crown removal, in my opinion. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
4721 Let's see if you still have the magic touch. I have some bricks I'd like you to hold. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4722 I cannot stress this enough: your iron levels and the Iron Throne are NOT synonymous 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4723 Any family history of guillotine? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4724 How long have you had these feelings of grandeur? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4725 ....overly concerned with stool texture... 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4726 You’ll be fine if you lay off the burgers for a while. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4727 Your prostate is fine, but we think there might be a few peasants in there. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4728 You're right. This bill is awfully high for a tyrant. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4729 Yes. Yes. I realize ALL your pains are royal. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4730 I'm glad you came in - it wasn't water in your ear. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4731 Were you abused as a prince? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4732 Well, have your flushes been royal? 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4733 You'll need to remove the robe, your highness. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4734 I know who pays my bills, so take that outfit off! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4735 I'm afraid your friends will not be playing with a full deck soon. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
4736 Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie...is that some new fad diet?" 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
4737 It seems you have housemaid's knee. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4738 I have the results. It says you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4739 Let me put it to you this way... You'll need to capture the Iron Throne in the next few weeks since the epic is ending. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4740 I'd rather give you a sample when I sit on my throne. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4741 King Friday, I don’t know if you’ve ever had someone’s hand up your rear end but... 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4742 Royal pain in the ass, hemorrhoid, same thing. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4743 It isn't the crown that's making your head feel heavy- that's a tumor. 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
4744 Sorry Your Magisty,your reign is up. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4745 Your Majesty, in order for your condition to improve, I would recommend spending less time seated on your throne. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4746 You say you have a “Royal” pain, where? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4747 I have some good news and bad news for you: Your mother, the Queen, is still alive. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4748 Your lab report is great. It says " long live the king." 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4749 So, you're saying that now all you touch turns to mold? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4750 Please rate your posterior pain, with plebeian being the mildest. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
4751 Fortunately it’s only for a day. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
4752 There is nothing physically wrong with you. You just need to accept Halloween is over. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
4753 The test results show you have both delusions of grandeur and hemophilia. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4754 Your wealth is due to hereditary causes. 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
4755 Fiddlers are fine, but I’d cut down on the pipes and the bowls. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
4756 With your permission, I'd like to use the 'Midas Touch' on my promotional materials. 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
4757 The x-ray of your intestines indicates you need more throne time. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
4758 I'm afraid you have an iron throne deficiency. 1.2333 0.05485 90 73 13 4
4759 It's getting serious, you kingly manner is down 15 points. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
4760 I want you to take two Whoppers and call me in the morning. 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
4761 Your Highness, all of my patients are asked to disrobe. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
4762 It's a common cold. Royalty is not immune 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
4763 It's a hemorrhoid. 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
4764 You want to know if taking on another mistress would be too much for your heart? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
4765 If making your illness sound regal suits you, then royal pain-in-the-butt it shall be - your majesty 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4766 No, I didn't find any gold in there, Mr. Midas. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4767 We found the royal scepter your highness. And, no, I don’t need to know how it got there. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4768 Sorry your majesty, the situation is serious, let's warn the queen. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4769 The test results are a royal disaster. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4770 Sir, just because measles is back doesn't mean you need to dress in 9th century garb 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4771 Interesting results,Sire. Since you reject the scientific approach, we had a show of hands and it turns out that you are the cause of all your woes. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4772 You’re going to need a colonoscopy. The prep will consist of a royal exile while you’re sitting on your throne. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4773 The tests show that you have an inflamed realm. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4774 The tests show that you are a royal— ahem— you HAVE a pain in the royal backside, Sire. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4775 I’m afraid it’s royally bad... 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4776 I know ceasing smoking and stopping drinking will be hard, but increasing your exposure to the fiddlers should restore you to merriment in good time. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4777 The news is grim. You only have four or five chess moves to live. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4778 You broke your crown? 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4779 Sorry, too many burgers, King. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4780 So exactly how many episodes of King of Thrones did you watch this past week? 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4781 The bridgework is fine, but you need a new crown. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4782 Well, yes, technically you are the Burger King, but that still won't help your cholesterol level. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4783 Gout 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
4784 Seems you're suffering from Goneril-a. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4785 "You command me to sign this form so you can get a handicap stickker for the chariot." 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4786 Sorry Donald, just because you’re POTUS doesn’t make you royalty! 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4787 The sword in your kidney stone strengthens your claim to be king. Passing it will leave no doubt. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4788 I'm afraid it's your blood pressure, Highness." 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4789 We call that sensation you’re describing a royal pain. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4790 I don't know who told you that you are made up of blue blood, but it is definitely red. If it's any consolation to you, it is AB-negative which occurs in only .6 percent of the population. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4791 Sorry,seems kings are exempt from Medicare-for-all 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4792 Well....if my head is on the line I’d say you could live to be 200! 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4793 But our records show that you are a merry old soul." Brian Bedell Wayzata, Minn 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4794 It's carpal tunnel, from repetitive waving and tight sceptre grip. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4795 Your prostate appears to be establishing its own kingdom. 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
4796 We will not mention the enema in the press release concerning your treatment. We will report that the King had a 'Royal Flush'". Murray Block, Albany, N 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4797 You have low blood pressure, Your Highness. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
4798 It seems your blood really is blue. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4799 The pipe has to go, and you can't call for a bowl of anything stronger than a prune smoothie. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4800 I can check but your record shows we removed the family jewels last year 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
4801 -I'm sorry, I don't work with your health insurance. 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
4802 Your scans show you have no clothes. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
4803 Let's give you something to alleviate the pain and suffering. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
4804 On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your royal pain? 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
4805 A chronic, winter head cold? How about a warm, winter hat? 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
4806 Nice Halloween costume, I look like a doctor but I'm actually a dentist 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
4807 CBD oil will not effect your highness. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
4808 I'm sorry, we don't do mantle disorders here 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
4809 I see here that some of your "subjects" are a bit concerned about you. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
4810 So, have you tried Preparation H for this royal pain in the butt? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4811 A royal pain in the what? 1.2278 0.06228 79 66 8 5
4812 I know who you are but I’m still taking you off Whoppers. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4813 You're a card short. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4814 We can treat the pain but not the royal pain. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4815 Who needs a pipe and bowl to feel jolly when you can have Prozac? 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4816 Well, Mr. Cole, go empty your bowl and the better off you'll be. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4817 Well, at least it's a king-sized tumor. 1.2278 0.06483 79 67 6 6
4818 You need to vary your diet. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4819 - King: Sorry, I've farted, but respect! It's a noble gas. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4820 The lab results are in, Your Highness. Remember, no king rules forever unless they eat 3 to 5 servings of vegetables every day. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4821 The colonoscopy results are in and I'm happy to let you know you are still the Burger King. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4822 Would it be OK if we named the disease after me this time, Your Majesty? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4823 Nothing to be done, royal pain is chronic 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4824 Sometimes it is not so good to be the king 1.2278 0.05079 79 62 16 1
4825 Your former proctologist states both you and your symptoms were a royal pain in the ass. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4826 Unfortunately, your sovereign immunity does not apply to microbes. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4827 Five peaks on your crown is definitely not good; get a new one with an even number and I think you'll feel better in no time. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4828 I'll take a Whopper and fries 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4829 And you've have had them so long that you have named your piles Buckingham and Windsor 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4830 Bad news...your blood is Red, and a very common type as well! 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4831 And where exactly are you feeling this Royal Pain you're talking about? 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4832 According to your chart here, it says you have trouble bending your knees? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4833 So you say you are suffering from a royal pain in the... 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4834 If your blood comes back blue, we'll know for sure. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4835 I'm glad you're seated, because unless you happen to the 'King of Syphilis,' this may come as a bit of a shock. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4836 You're not as young as you used to be, Sire. Less jousting, more jesting. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4837 It burns when I decree. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4838 Actually, Ed, I go by Dr. Smith. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4839 I’m afraid you are no longer the merry old soul. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4840 There appears to be protrusions on the crown of your head. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4841 No gout or hemophilia Mr. Johnson But costume party was a month ago 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4842 Well, actually no, you don’t have any particularly strong family genes. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4843 You're starting to crown. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4844 Your results are in. It says you're becoming a royal pain in the ass. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4845 You only have one significant allergy--ermine. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4846 You are constipated. You have to spend more time on the throne. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4847 No, 'The Royal Disease' is just a nickname. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4848 Yes, you can have a lollipop if you take your socks off. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4849 M’Lord has a Regal Syndrome called Crownitis, characterized by cephalic edema, megalomania and lethargy, common to reigning monarchs. 1.2278 0.06228 79 66 8 5
4850 The good news is you’ve got a jolly old soul. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4851 The seems to be some ambiguity in the blood line. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4852 your hat's too heavy 1.2278 0.05079 79 62 16 1
4853 Quite the hemorrhoid Your Majesty - Might even call a Royal Pain in the ___ 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
4854 Is that what you do to everyone who disobeys your orders? 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4855 Interesting, the lab work does confirm you blood type as Royal Blue. 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
4856 Cut out the pipes and limit the bowls to one or two a week. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
4857 No, you won't lose your kingdom with a coronary bypass. 1.2273 0.04775 88 69 18 1
4858 Your employment-based plan won't cover this procedure. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
4859 So Roy... You spell your name with an 'i'? 1.2262 0.05952 84 70 9 5
4860 Less pipe, less bowl, and retain a mournful quartet. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
4861 Oh, it's you-sized all right. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
4862 Look Richard, I’m gonna be straight with you: Your lion heart is failing and frankly we’re rethinking the entire concept of cross-species transplantation. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
4863 Its bad news I'm afraid sir your Bupa account expired in 1806 according to this! 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
4864 Perhaps you didn't hear, we are only going to bypass the coronary, not the coronation. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
4865 You are the healthiest individual ever to be King! Your physical strength and stamina are extraordinary. You are equalled only by Donald Trump! 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
4866 Im the oldest class clown in our class 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
4867 You are no longer king of the hill 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
4868 On a scale of 1-10, 1 being no pain and 10 being a royal pain in the ass, how do you feel right now? 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
4869 I need to refer you to a proctologist for that particular Royal pain. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
4870 Your crown is too heavy. It's scratching your scalp, causing this infection. Just remove the 3 heavy jewels, and it should heal nicely. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
4871 While consciously limiting the wearing of one's crown has been shown to dramatically reduce daily headaches & neck strain, a known side effect is an increase in random, minor insurrections. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
4872 Good news, you’re not the emperor of ALL maladies. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
4873 King Cole,I am sorry to inform you that even though you tell funny jokes and have wild parties,you are just getting OLD! So, my advice is to keep up doing just what you are doing! 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
4874 I'm afraid we can't expect any better results if you continue to call for your pipe, and call for your bowl, and call for your fiddlers three. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
4875 Look, I understand, but for this procedure the drape gown has to open in the back. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
4876 Yeah, you have cancer. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4877 Where did you say you're feeling that royal pain? 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4878 The pipe and the bowl will have to go. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4879 Your diet is too rich. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4880 I don't think they were referring to a medical condition when they called you a "royal pain". 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4881 Well, your previous decrees look pretty good, but I think we should update your scrolls. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4882 The king is hypertensive. Long live the king. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4883 Your vitals look good, Your Majesty, but the Suit you're wearing is not in the Cards. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4884 Looks like a pre-existing condition. Maybe you should give up the throne or file for bankruptcy. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4885 How long has the Queen called you a “royal pain?” 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4886 You have no Royal blood. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4887 I understand your concern, but a common cold is really nothing to worry about. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4888 When did you first develop this royal pain your buttocks? 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4889 I'm afraid you can't take genetic diseases off the inheritance. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4890 Long live the King" is no longer a realistic statemen 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4891 I agree with you but there’s nothing in The Constitution that says the emperor must wear clothes. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4892 I’m afraid you’ll have to give up the pipe. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4893 Leave two gold coins and call me in the morning. We'll adjust the dose as needed. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4894 Doctor’s orders — no more Burger King. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4895 I’M a royal pain in the butt??? 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4896 It’s hemorrhoids, or, in your case, a royal pain on the ass. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4897 Try not sitting on your throne so long. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4898 IT SAYS HERE: OLD KING COAL, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED....... 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4899 Your HBO ratings are a little low 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4900 So, Mr. Wenceslas, you’re telling me you went on a walk at night in this snow even though “the frost was cruel...” 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4901 You're losing weight, Mr. Klaus. Act your age, get rid of that silly crown, put back your red cap and stop challenging narrower chimneys to go down. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4902 Royal pain in the A_ _, is just an expression, sir. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4903 You have all your hair, but your crown is hollow. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4904 I'm sorry to say we cannoy take payment in Whoppers. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4905 Good news your Highness. Your daily beheadings have had no affect on your cortisol levels. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4906 It's against hospital policy, but can I get fries with that? 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4907 Your Majesty, you have a lot of gas. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4908 I never seen this medication cause such regal side effects 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4909 Well, the good news is that you don't have to give up your fiddlers three... 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4910 Our tests show you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4911 My good King, whensa last time you felt this tingling from the cold? 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4912 No, I don't see a support group for "Visions of Grandeur Syndrome." 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4913 From the looks of it-it's a royal pain in the ass! 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4914 Soooo.... we have a royal pain in the ass , have we? 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4915 Report looks good King Cole. Says you are a merry old soul. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4916 No, a vasectomy shouldn't affect the performance of your crown jewels. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4917 I'm afraid you don't have royal blood 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4918 Your Majesty, please stay calm. You have the common cold. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4919 What we seem to have here is a royal pain in the ass 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4920 Well, it looks like you’re not fit for a king. 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4921 The bad news is that winter is coming... 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4922 Other than the elevated Au, your Majesty, your blood work looks fine. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4923 Sire, tis but a "common" cold 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4924 You suffer from heavy head syndrome. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4925 It says here you have a history of royal pain.... 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
4926 I don't think the royal treatment will help. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4927 You were great in those ads. But as I've told in the years you've been a patient here, The Wiz is never coming back. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4928 It appears you’ve got a royal pain in the ass. 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4929 You may not be able to return to the throne for sometime. What with the Irritable Bowel Syndrome... 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4930 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, it says here that this is a pre-existing condition. It's not covered! 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4931 You're all clear. Can you ask the Fidlers Three in as you leave? It's going to be one of those mornings. 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
4932 Your tete-a-tetes with Lear aren’t helping your blood pressure. 1.2237 0.04812 76 59 17 0
4933 I don't care what she says. Based on your blood test, there is no way Elizabeth Warren is the true heir to your throne. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4934 For the blender-head guy, I should have put: You had me at “purée.” Tom Richardson 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
4935 No...it's not the plague. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4936 I'm afraid it's another royal pain in your ass. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
4937 Yes, being a merry old soul is heart-healthy, but you need to cut down on the mutton and spiced wine. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
4938 Agreed! 100%! Total loss of freedom... Totally stressed-out feeling... when they make you put your clothes back on. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
4939 Unfortunately, the Jester is off today. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
4940 Well, your highness, if you must eat every meal at Burger King, may I suggest a salad? 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
4941 So, coal isn't making you merry anymore...? 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
4942 Where exactly do you feel this royal pain? 1.2222 0.05827 81 67 10 4
4943 Didn't the nurse tell you to put that on so that the opening is in the back? 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
4944 There's a young man out to get you. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
4945 Well, the good news is that you don't have cancer. The bad news is that the Crown Plan'has a rather sizable deductible" 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
4946 Your regal system appears to be functioning normally. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
4947 No, I don't need a king's ransom, just up to date health insurance. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
4948 Your kingoscopy is negative. 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
4949 Unfortunately, you'll burn in hell. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
4950 I’m sorry sir. I can’t sign your draft deferment simply because you pretend to be king. 1.2208 0.06303 77 65 7 5
4951 Your majesty, taxing your subjects is no longer the only certainty in life. 1.2208 0.05104 77 61 15 1
4952 Don't be shy...I'm a doctor 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
4953 All those burgers are bad enough, but throw in your wife's ice cream, and your arteries are in serious trouble 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
4954 Seems to have been a misdiagnosis you were not in checkmate after all 1.2195 0.06017 82 69 8 5
4955 I don’t feel as rich as I used to feel. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4956 The x-rays confirm a royal pain in the ass." 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4957 Let's wait and see if your psychosis ends after Game of Thrones wraps up 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
4958 Sir, I think your royal pains may just be growing pains... 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4959 Good kings get a lollipop. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
4960 “You want me to issue a medical report that you are in perfect health?" 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4961 '"I have a royal pain ." 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4962 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover Royal Pain. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4963 Worst. Costume party. Ever. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4964 Medication is available for crown jewel dysfunction. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4965 You need to walk more. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4966 Of course it's gout. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
4967 No, the report does not make you a king among men. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4968 Those "Royal Pains" are actually cholera. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4969 Perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that at least you don't have as many personalities as The Colonel. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4970 My nurse says you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4971 Well, you do have terminal cancer, but I think you're more likely to die at the hands of an anti-monarchy mob. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
4972 I'm sorry to inform you that a duvet is not the same thing as a bidet. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4973 You said your attackers were from Moscow, but I find no evidence of Russian contusions. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4974 Unfortunately you can't pay in gold. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4975 I always knew anti-vaxxers wanted to take us back to the dark ages. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4976 I'm worried about your cholesterol; it's the highness, your highness. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4977 As noble as it may be sire, it's still made worse by your legume consumption. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4978 You really need to cut back on the fast food. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4979 Your cholesterol is high so cut back on the gluttonous banqueting for a while. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4980 It runs in my family. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4981 Nope, you literally have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4982 I'm afraid you're royally screwed. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4983 The good news is your prostate is fine. The bad news is you've lost your golden touch. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4984 How often do you watch Game of Thrones? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4985 I could write a book from your rectal exam. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
4986 You're "Royal" pain in the ass is starting to give me one as well; you know that? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4987 The Muller Report is in. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4988 You have to cut down on your daily intake of aged, salted beef. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4989 Your Majesty, I can confidently predict you may enjoy your feasts the next couple of days, but your staff probably shouldn’t buy you any green bananas. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4990 Headaches are indeed a royal pain in the ass, but I wonder if it’s just that your crown is too tight. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4991 And you see this as the best way for you to announce your candidacy for President? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4992 Your majesty, the tests show you're allergic to ermine. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4993 Will you be able to get help with the prep? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4994 Like I told you, men your age, whether you are a King or not,.... 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4995 The head is definitely uneasy. I suggest a lobotomy. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
4996 I'm sorry, but your insurance doesn't cover that procedure. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
4997 Well, you just can't live that way for over sixty years and expect to have a clean bill of health. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
4998 Before we discuss your diagnosis, is your succession plan in place? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
4999 Bad news, your grace. All those years sitting on the Iron Throne getting cut on the thousand blades of Aegon's enemies has left you with a serious case of lockjaw. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5000 When questioned about your position, do you ever feel that you may be wrong? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5001 Im afraid to tell you that all tests point toward a Royal Pain in the Ass 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5002 I'm sorry, but "royal pain" isn't a recognized medical condition. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5003 A royal pain in the posterior I'm afraid. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5004 Your father was a king, your grandfather was a king, your great-grandfather was a king...I'd say you have the gout. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5005 I'm writing you a prescription for 20mg Nonanachronismidrex. 1.2192 0.06826 73 63 4 6
5006 I suggest a change of wardrobe. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5007 That rash? It’s a royal flush 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5008 I'm going to have to speak to that new nurse about prepping for coronary." 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5009 I have good news: it seems that your royal pain in the neck was actually caused by wearing too heavy of a crown. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5010 Your tests are all fine. I advise more fresh air and exercise. You’re just spending too much time in the Counting House. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5011 Well, Mr. Cole I’d suggest laying off the pipe and bowl for now. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5012 Alas! There will be no cure for the royal pain until November of 2020! 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5013 I'm sorry Sire, but you're allergic to ermine. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5014 Any other royal pains? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5015 You have what we call "a royal pain in the ass." 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5016 It says right here side effects include dizziness, headache, and a resemblance to King George III 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5017 I Believe you suffer from THRONEBOSIS 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5018 You're "out of touch," King Midas; you haven't necessarily lost it. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5019 You can keep the fiddlers three, but you need to cut back on the pipe and “bowl.” 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5020 So, you are experiencing difficulty passing the EU. I’ll need to examine your Brexit! 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5021 The kingdom is sick 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5022 Say Doc, are you sure these new hospital gowns aren't a little too much? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5023 You can't fuck everyone. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5024 I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have any royalty programs. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5025 Well... if you can’t afford to pay out-of-pocket, there are some home remedies that I can recommend. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5026 It seems you will live long. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5027 Your gnawing on legs of mutton days are over. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5028 Your blue-blood work has me concerned. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5029 Yes King Wenceslas. You are perpetually good. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5030 Lets lok at your results...well, of course you have gout... 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5031 Wenceslas? Time to cut back on the figgy pudding! 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5032 Bad news. The role has gone to a woman. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5033 A dainty dish, yes, but high in cholesterol. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5034 Will this reign ever end? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5035 My nurse says you're a merry old soul, but you might want to get your kingdom in order, Highness." 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5036 Henry VIII meets Dr. Oz. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5037 I see here that you all ready tried all of your horses and all of your men to put you back together.... 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5038 You will be sore afterwards. Does the Iron Throne have any cushions? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5039 I found records for an old 'King Coal' but he's long gone and won't be coming back. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5040 What do you mean by medical insurance? 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5041 I'll sign the letter you're most fit any crown wearer ever. I'm drawing the line at "ovaries included." 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5042 It appears you are suffering from a royal pain in the a--. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5043 The tests came back positive, Midas. Please don't touch me. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5044 Yes, I know you are the King but you still have to have a colonoscopy. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5045 A decline in performance of the ‘royal scepter’ is not unusual as we age. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5046 Unfortunately, we have no cure for Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5047 ... says here monarchy is a pre-existing condition 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5048 I concur, a Royal Pain. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5049 Nothing to worry about... you just have a Royal flush. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5050 Other than being a royal pain in the ass, your health is excellent... 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5051 Let's not Google "lese-majeste" any more, shall we. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5052 For the MRI, we'll need you to wear a standard hospital gown. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5053 If you want to continue your long merry life, you'll need to decrease the violinists playing in your ear, the pipe smoking, and the bowls of wine. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5054 My diagnosis is A Royal Pain. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5055 They could be from too much sitting on the throne. There's an ointment I'll prescribe. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5056 Cut back on the rich foods. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5057 In whose name should I charge this medical bill, your highness? His highness-The British people! 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5058 With all due respect, Your Majesty, the hospital simply can't accept a coupon for spicy 10-piece nuggets as payment. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5059 It says here that your Whopper is very irritated and angry. 1.2192 0.06826 73 63 4 6
5060 So ... if this hurts you more than me... my head comes off... ? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5061 The tests indicate nothing more than a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5062 Apparently, you also have a merry old soul. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5063 Lay off the burgers. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5064 Strange, all tests are showing that you are not king! 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5065 It's about your subjects. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5066 Yes, your kingdom for good cholesterol." 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5067 We now know that a royal pain in the ass is hereditary and cannot be treated. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5068 Well, I’d say according to this report it’s not so good to be the king! 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5069 Calling for your fiddlers three probably won't supplant your need for the recommended procedure, My King. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5070 Not what I was expecting when I read "royal" and "pain in the ass." 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5071 No Solomon, the baby is dead, you cut it in half. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5072 Good news—you don’t need a crown after all. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5073 You have to cut back on the wearing of Blood Gold and endangered Ermine. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5074 I think you need to see a dentist about your crown. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5075 Well. Mr. Friday, what you have is a classic case of "Make Believe" hemorrhoids. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5076 My mistake..so where's this ROYAL pain? 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5077 This robe? Vat about it? I inherited it from my father. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5078 The veggie whopper is not doing so well 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5079 That's not a good place to put gold. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5080 You better watch out 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5081 My Lord, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5082 I’m sorry sir. A ‘royal pain in thine arse’ simply isn’t covered under CPT code. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5083 Well Sybil the consensus is yes , you are both Santa Clause and the king of Siam. Sorry but i’ll have to charge you double. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5084 So, Mr. King, how long have you had these nightmares about being abandoned by burgers, did you say? 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5085 Based on these results, you could reign another five years without being deposed. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5086 I'm just a doctor... but I believe your unpopular policies are the cause of your prostrate troubles, sire. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5087 Is this because I said you were a "royal pain in the ass" last week? 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5088 It turns out your blood isn't royal. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5089 Geneology DNA testing has its grey areas, Santa. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5090 You are royally screwed, Your Highness! 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5091 Considering your allergies, have you thought of a change in your zip code? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5092 Everything looks good, just take it easy on the roast game and mead. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5093 Uh, no, those disappointing x-rays can't be expunged. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5094 Sir - ahem - your highness, we need to talk to the prince about this dual personality syndrome. The tests show it's hereditary. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5095 Just to be clear, you do realize this is going to mean the end of your line, right 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5096 Perhaps a couch would serve you better. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5097 Did you bring your jester? 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5098 Would you say it’s a royal pain? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5099 What's plaguing you King? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5100 The good news first: it's not gout or hemophilia. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5101 To sum up your test results briefly, shire, checkmate. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5102 All of his tests are positive." Really 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5103 That's right. A "plant-based diet" means no more four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5104 Hemorrhoids is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5105 We were able to trace your bloodline as far back as King Vitamin. That's it. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5106 Your Honor, the gout's gone, but i think you might lose your head! 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5107 I'm afraid only your soul is merry. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5108 You have a royal Pain in the posterior 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5109 I'm afraid your blood is really blue 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5110 According to these records Henry, you died 300 years ago. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5111 No, "royal pain in the ass'" is not a real diagnosis. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5112 A little less time on the throne and those hemorrhoids ought to go away. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5113 You have to cut back on your hamburger consumption. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5114 Sure, if it makes you feel less vulnerable, keep the crown on during your colonoscopy. Drew Bridges, Wake Forest, NC 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5115 I’m sorry Your Highness, but there is no cure for your royal pain. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5116 The tests we ran are conclusive. You have a royal pain. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5117 So, I see you've lost your touch. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5118 Bend over, and I’ll check out that royal pain of yours. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5119 You were supposed to put the gown on the other way around. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5120 So, where did you say you were having a Royal Pain? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5121 Perhaps your headaches stem from the weight of your crown. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5122 My diagnosis is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5123 Well, your majesty, according to this genetic test, I've got royal ancestors, but you are descended from peasants. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5124 So your main symptom is a discomfort in the buttocks? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5125 Do you prescribe Pasante Super King size condoms? 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5126 Yes, we do offer a monthly payment plan for major procedures, if that helps. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5127 The good news is, you are a monarch with absolute power over all you survey.... 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5128 A royal command will have no effect on your LDL. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5129 How old were you when someone de throned you? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5130 Next time, stop when you get to ‘four’. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5131 No, your insurance company won't pay a king's ransom for my services! Seymour I. Hepner, Washington, D.C. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5132 The good news is that your kingdom keeps growing. The bad news is that your prostate is doing the same. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5133 Sorry, but the procedure requires ten dollars of out-of-pocket costs. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5134 You say your army can't shoot worth a darn. It's called projectile disfunction. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5135 And how many grapes are you fed each day? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5136 It’s no surprise your cholesterol is high. It’s the legacy of the entire Burger Kingdom. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5137 Now, about that royal pain in your ass ... 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5138 It appears you are allergic to ermine and gold. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5139 The test results are in and you are not "The Used Car King of the Midwest." 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5140 I'm afraid your reign is over. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5141 So, My kingdom for a horse! Any physical ailments? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5142 You have delusions of grandeur, and I advise that you not quit your day job as a television personality. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5143 I am sorry the diagnosis is confrimed, you have a Royal Pain. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5144 Oh, oh. It doesn't look good. How's your co-pay? 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5145 I regret to inform you, but you really are the king. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5146 Your Grace, I beg of thee that you not sever my head, but you're going to need to get a referral for this. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5147 Okay, let me rephrase, it is a Royal pain in the ass... 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5148 Sounds like you may be experiencing a royal pain. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5149 I have your results here and...I would lay off the feasts for a while. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5150 The one with the red nose carries an infectious skin condition. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5151 YOU SEEM TO BE ALLERGIC TO THE HEIR. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5152 Having hemophilia doesn't entitle you to dress like that. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5153 Yep, it’s a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5154 Yes, your majesty, hemorrhoids CAN be a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5155 Bad news first: your blood test is showing a high level of heavy metal exposure. But there is some good news too. Looks like the blood sample will cover your whole bill for this visit! 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5156 I understand your concern for your people, Your Majesty, but I'm afraid we don't have a vaccine against insanity. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5157 Medically speaking, you have what's called a royal pain in the rear. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5158 You have what we like to call a "Royal Pain" in your nether regions. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5159 I'm sorry to tell you but Your Royal Highness has low brow disease. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5160 My referral notes say something about a “Royal pain-in-the-ass”. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5161 I have to tell you, Sir, that your diagnosis is: " You 're a real Queen!" 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5162 We’ve determined what’s causing your headaches. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5163 Old King Cole wasn't quite as merry after being diagnosed with lung cancer. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5164 According to these lab reports, you're losing your touch. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5165 Are you sure that these "royal pains" aren't your kids? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5166 You have been to merry with your merry old soul! 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5167 And try to avoid the crypt. The humidity won't do your bones any good. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5168 You'll have to cut out both the pipe and bowl. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5169 I recommend you add pickles and lettuce back into your diet. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5170 Could you be a bit more specific than "a royal pain in the ass"? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5171 So, you've still got that royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5172 Madame Queen. Results indicate that your attempt to assume the Throne have succeeded. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5173 I think you might be confused about ‘getting a Prince Albert.’ 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5174 It looks like you're going to need a straight royal flush. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5175 The lab checks positive for "a royal pain in the anal area." 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5176 OK, your test results say that you are young, vibrant, brilliant, and should easily win another term as king. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5177 As we suspected, it's chilblains, Mr Wenceslas." 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5178 Ah, state sponsored insurance. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5179 According to your medical records, the primary diagnosis is that you a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5180 The report says there may be obstruction. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5181 As I suspected, it's reignitis. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5182 Your electrolytes are a litle low but you have a high gold score king midas. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5183 So your heart palpitations began when you realized it was the last season for Game of Thrones? 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5184 You're being a merry old soul is no longer in the cards. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5185 And who else in your family has Blue Blood? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5186 Your heavy metal count came back high. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5187 sorry your highness there is no sign of blue in your blood test 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5188 No, I’m not the jester, and yes, you have gallstones. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5189 Yes. I remember. But I clearly stipulated it must open at the back. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5190 No Henry, you can't put your robe back on when I tell you to dis-robe. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5191 It's positive. You are a royal pain in the butt. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5192 The diagnosis your Highness is that you are a "Royal Pain In The Ass"! Jeffrey Manly Toronto,Onppo,ki 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5193 Shocking news. Your DNA test says that you're 100% commoner. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5194 Mr. Presley, your lab results have me a little shook up. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5195 No, I won't do that again 'just for fun.' 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5196 Yes, I am a proctologist. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5197 You’re going to have to slow down your knight-life. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5198 I'm sorry, Mr. President. You cannot write yourself a prescription to become King. 1.2192 0.06826 73 63 4 6
5199 We need to talk about your highness, Your Heinie. I mean your Heinieness. I mean your butt, Sire. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5200 Get rid of that silly costume. Your wife is waiting for you back in Brooklyn. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5201 Do you really want me to tell you what you have been doing? 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5202 And did you ever experience shoulder pain before pulling the sword from the rock? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5203 Besides the Queen, do you have any other royals pains? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5204 You don't have the constitution to be a King? 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5205 Good news, your highness, our surgeon says a hemorrhoidectomy will cure the royal pain in the ass 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5206 Just because you are a king doesn’t mean you shouldn’t balance your diet. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5207 Your majesty, it is time for your farewell tour. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5208 Seriously, you want a doctor's note for your boss? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5209 From my report it's a miracle that you're still alive sir 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5210 For a king, you have lousy insurance. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5211 Your test results indicate you're a royal pain in the ass! 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5212 No, I don't think I will call it the "King of all Corns." 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5213 Do you have a food taster? We found arsenic in your urine sample. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5214 Your Majesty, I must recommend you reign in your cholesterol intake. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5215 And how long have you been experiencing your, um, royal pain in the, um,derriere? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5216 It says here you have a royal pain in the what? 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5217 No, the lab test shows your blood isn't blue. It's red, same as your servants. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5218 I have good news & bad news for you...the good news is you need a colonoscopy... 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5219 Well, my examination confirms a right royal pain in the... 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
5220 The nurse’s notes are unclear.. something about a royal pain? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5221 It's nothing serious, Your Majesty, just a royal pain in the ass. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
5222 Please note our new “crown and robe” patient gown when filling out your patient satisfaction survey. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5223 I’ m afraid, sire, your kingdom has been conquered by Sir Osis. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
5224 So you are Santa Claus and king Midas? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
5225 When was the last time you washed your, um, clothes? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
5226 In this economy? 1.2184 0.05763 87 73 9 5
5227 The tests confirm. A royal pain in the ... 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
5228 The Queen said your royal pain is where? 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
5229 Are you going to disrobe, Sire, or not? 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
5230 Well, you've got what they call a royal pain in the ass. 1.2179 0.06228 78 66 7 5
5231 These test results explain why you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
5232 I'm sorry to tell you, your highness, but the queen was right- you are a royal pain. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
5233 I can write you a medical excuse or you can remove your crown and we can see what's up there. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
5234 It says here you have a royal pain in the arse. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
5235 I don't care whether the pain is royal. You need a proctologist. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5236 No, trust me, I'm sympathetic anyone who has to endure a royal pain in the ass. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5237 I hope you have heirs. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5238 We’re short on the blue O positive. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
5239 You're a royal pain in the ass. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5240 We'll put you on this emetic George and have you right as rain in no time 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5241 We have your urine test results here, and thank.-you for the royal flush when you were done. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5242 God, how come no one laughs at my jokes? Well, my son, it's because you have no sense of humor. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5243 “It’s called genetics, your Highness. If you had eaten healthier over the last 25 years, you might live to be 200.” 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5244 I'd suggest Pre-H, but probably better to stay off your throne! 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5245 It says here Old King Cole was a merry old soul ..... 1.2162 0.05188 74 59 14 1
5246 Sounds like a royal pain. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
5247 Can you be more specific than, “A royal pain in the ass?’ 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5248 A royal pain in the neck, you said? 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5249 Sir, I think you’ve had one too many doses of over-confidence. 1.2162 0.05188 74 59 14 1
5250 Butter? Or Parkay? 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5251 No, it's not just because you were heir to the throne. Many of your subjects suffer from hemorrhoids, too." 1.2162 0.04818 74 58 16 0
5252 Errr...the opening is supposed to go in the back... 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5253 "Can you point to exactly which crown you fell on?" 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5254 I'm afraid you are going to have to disrobe, Your Highness. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5255 I'm going to be honest with you -- No one has ever come in complaining about a "Royal Pain" before. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
5256 Tests confirm that you do have a "Royal Pain" in that area,your Majesty. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
5257 We ask patients to wear this before telling them how their insurance has royally screwed them. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5258 But do you ever think about how this country relies on you to remember your daily dose of 'Claritin D'? So irresponsible. That’ll be a 200 dollar co-pay on your way out. I’m sure you can swing it. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
5259 Well, your highness. I can put it in Latin, but my Old Norse is a little rusty. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
5260 Maybe you're allergic to something, perhaps some kind of furry animal, like ermine? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
5261 Seems you've passed your vetting physical, Sire. Says here you're off the scale for narcissism, greed, and deceit. Now for the bad news... 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
5262 I'm afraid your Blood Test came out RED. 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
5263 I’m sure you do everything regently, but, have you noticed any health changes recently? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
5264 Do you want the good news or the fake news first? 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
5265 You can keep the crown on, but you're going to have to lift your robe for the exam. 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
5266 I am sure you have the power to quit smoking. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
5267 Winter is coming 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
5268 You are right, that is your scepter. The question is, can you rule without it? 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
5269 Yes.....According to my records, even if you are the King. This is the year you must turn your head and cough. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
5270 What Medicare for all? You can pay in Gold! 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
5271 Your cholesterol levels are gravely high. Sorry, but you have to give up the burgers. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
5272 For this kind of royal pain we'll do a colonoscopy. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
5273 All your labs look fine, Mr. King, but there's one abnormality, and, I'm afraid it's apparent that your crown and coat have to go. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5274 We may have to replace your crown your majesty 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5275 The prep for the MRI requires that you DISrobe and, uh, one other thing... 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5276 Unfortunately, these test results are not from the land of make-believe. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5277 Just as I thought.. it's syphilis. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5278 My diagnosis is a royal pain in the butt. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5279 Your Majesty, does one of the royal consorts have a sore that won't heal? 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5280 Do I have this right? It says in your file you consider prostate exams a royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5281 Did you call me a royle pain? 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5282 You know, this type of broken crown isn't really in my ballpark. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5283 Just to be clear, on a scale of 1 to 10, your pains are 'royal'? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5284 Good and bad news: despite being in perfect health, you’re on the Game of Thrones cover...been nice knowing you! 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5285 Tell me of this Kingdom of Wellbeing. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5286 Quite right, Your Highness. Of course I meant your ROYAL dysentery. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5287 You say the queen is a royal pain in the neck? I'm afraid I can't prescribe anything for that. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5288 This is going to be a lot harder since I’m not allowed to touch you. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5289 Sorry, Your Highness, the decree didn't work. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5290 How about Tofu King? High blood pressure is nothing to jest about. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5291 Please tell me agin. You have a royal pain where? 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5292 Yes, I'm afraid the treatment isn't covered by insurance and will cost a king's ransom. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5293 I’m sorry, but the test results indicate you’ll probably only reign about another year. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5294 Your Highness, is it acceptable to give you and endoscopy? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5295 I am worried about your merry old soul. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5296 Apparently that unusual growth on your head has returned, so we'll need to do surgery again. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5297 I'm sorry, but the tests confirm you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5298 I know you have a reputation to live up to, but you should really stop eating all those burgers. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5299 I know you are a 'merry old soul,' but it's time to lay off the bowl. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5300 I'm afraid your blood is not as red as it was last time. In fact, it's turning somewhat blue. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5301 I’m afraid “How dare you question the king!” isn’t a valid healthcare plan. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5302 I'm afraid we do not have any prescription for winning back your kingdom. You may try the clinic on 31st street. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5303 It seems that you have blue blood. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5304 So you say it's more of a royal pain, huh? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5305 I have your test results. ‘This king thing. How many children? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5306 Despite what you've heard, Sire, bone spurs can be a real problem. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5307 Our billing department won't accept an IOU from your Royal Treasury. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5308 So, what you're saying is you have a royal pain in your ass? 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5309 You eat how many Whoppers a week? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5310 I didn't need a royal decree that you could not pee 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5311 So, you’ve got a royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5312 Unfortunately your insurance doesn't cover defenestration or regicide, nor does it cover paranoia. That'll be $1,500 please; we accept all forms of payment. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5313 Well, it is enlarged, but with your outlook on life, I don’t think you should worry about it. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5314 You're suffering from a royal pain. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5315 I'm guessing it's the way you sit on the "throne" 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5316 Firstly, do you have an heir to the throne? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5317 Test results indicate that you have an heir problem, your highness 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5318 Your LDL is way out of whack, Charles. You really need to lay off the mead and mutton. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5319 Yes, you can leave your socks on.... 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5320 You say what you have is a royal pain... 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5321 You say you've been staying in Moscow Trump Towers? It says here you were incarcerated in 2019. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5322 sorry bad news: your blood is not blue 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5323 The Queen is correct... your complaint is nothing but a royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5324 I suppose you do have a royal pain in the butt. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5325 I’m afraid you’ve been eating too much McDonald’s. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5326 I am sorry, but it is checkmate.. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5327 The medical tests show you are a royal headache. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5328 Divine right or not, Your Highness, 50 is 50. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5329 Bad news : I apologize that the Royal examining table is under repair. Good news: Your blood is still royal and no horrible diseases inherited from your ancestors marrying their cousins. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5330 I'm afraid your condition has worsened from having a royal pain to being one 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5331 It's called anti-midas syndrome and only occurs in the 1%. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5332 Apologies, your highness, but the royal gown is on backwards. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5333 King Cole, the tests show that you have a merry old soul and prediabetes. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5334 Jeff, the family jewels look fine, but I'm an optometrist. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5335 Maybe this would be a good time to speak to your daughters 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5336 Your results show that you are quite young at heart, Methuselah... 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5337 I’m afraid what you really need is new clothing. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5338 How long have you been using myrrh as an essential oil? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5339 I have bad news for you, is peasant revolution.. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5340 It looks like your heart is fine, but your merry ol' soul has lost its merry. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5341 Queen Jill said breaking your crown was a work related injury. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5342 And do you feel safe at home? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5343 You are not getting any younger. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5344 How long have you been seeing little people crawling out of garbage cans? 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5345 I'm afraid 'midas syndrome' never came up in medical school. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5346 You cant count on lord of light to give you an x ray the next time . 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5347 According to this you were born 299 years after Aegon's Conquest. I wouldn’t be too concerned about your diet. 1.2113 0.04879 71 56 15 0
5348 Your stool samples indicate you're from the South Pole 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5349 I'm sorry, but divine providence is not a recognized insurance provider. 1.2113 0.06628 71 61 5 5
5350 It seems to be a hereditary condition but it’s not all bad news 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5351 Less time on the throne can cure those hemorrhoids. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5352 I'm sorry Don, but a crown, a robe, and putting your hair on your chin instead of your head, does not in my medical opinion give you the intestinal fortitude to be king. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5353 You say you are Donald Trump. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5354 Looks like its not as "good to be king " as we thought 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5355 I really don’t care what you call yourself, you shouldn’t be eating this many burgers. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5356 Any feelings of uneasiness at night? 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5357 Contrary to my previous public report, you're overweight, super unhealthy, delusional, irritable, and if I can speak frankly sir, you're kinda NUTS! 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5358 No, no, I said I expected you to reach MENarche soon. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5359 “Your Highness, the royal robes impaired our ability to get a high definition colonoscopy. I recommend we retry the procedure with a bare royal behind.” 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5360 As I suspected - gout 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5361 No discount, Count and Bürger King are, only royalty in Germany 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5362 The good news is, it’s not an STI. The bad news is, there’s nothing we can do King Midas.. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5363 You must be,like... very smart! Your IQ test came back negative! 1.2113 0.06628 71 61 5 5
5364 It's gout, your highness. Alas, even commoners get it these days. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5365 Your Majesty, I have some good news. You will live for another 25 years. God Save the King! 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5366 When was the last time you had that robe fumigated? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5367 Yes, I see here that you have a royal pain. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5368 Yeah? Well I hereby proclaim that if you keep drinking you’ll be dead in a year! 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5369 Soooo, it sounds like you have a classic royal pain in the butt! 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5370 Can you tell me where this Royal Pain located? 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5371 Looks like you need to get your affairs in order, your Heiness. 1.2113 0.04879 71 56 15 0
5372 It's a common condition for those middle aged. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5373 No. A royal pain is not covered under your insurance. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5374 Looks to me like a case of ermine vermin! 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5375 You suffer from the most advanced case of “Regalomania” ever 1.2113 0.06628 71 61 5 5
5376 The result of your prostate exam is in. Says here that you're a Royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5377 Yes, I understand, a 'Royal pain' in the ass. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5378 As suspected, your tests came back positive for royal blood. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5379 Your Highness, based on your blood work, I strongly recommend eating something besides a Whopper at every meal. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5380 These are excellent numbers for an outdated concept. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5381 We upgraded the gowns. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5382 It seems you’ve developed a royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5383 Yes, even your new Royal Insurance policy has a $30 copay! 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5384 In order to do this exam the emperor needs to have no clothes, on. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5385 That redness in your cheeks is just a royal flush. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5386 It should only last a day 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5387 The test results show the people are up in arms over the new beer tax, and your army is taking a foreign vacation. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5388 It's your cholesterol highness...Highness. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5389 So your LDL and HDL levels look good, but I'm gonna refer you to a specialist for that suspicious mole and that fairy's curse 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5390 I'm referring you to a proctologist. I'm afraid it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5391 I'm afraid your lab work reveals the absence of a royal blood line. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5392 In my professional opinion you may have taken the Midas touch a little too far! 1.2113 0.04879 71 56 15 0
5393 Well, yes, I agree regicide sounds better, but the diagnosis is still arteriosclerosis. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5394 You’ve been cast as a king on Game of Thrones? I am afraid you only have three weeks to live 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5395 You’re fit for a......oops wrong chart. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5396 The good news is you still have your clothes. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5397 You know, the digital exam is a royal pain in the butt for me, too! 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5398 All you guys get gout. It’s not called “the disease of kings” for nothin’. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5399 Yup, as I suspected. You have an Oedipal complex. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5400 I'm concerned about how much time you spend on the throne. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5401 Heavy head still. How does aluminum sound? 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5402 I think I can fix your headaches 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5403 You may the King of Make-Believe but these test results are real and serious. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5404 Good news is: you can always decree the bad news heresy.... 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5405 I can recommend a great family counsellor. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5406 As per these test results, your crown replacement is due soon. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5407 Oddly enough, looks like it's just a normal pain in the ass. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
5408 It says here that your name is Lear and that you have a preexisting condition. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5409 I understand you'd like to dismiss the royal colonoscopy to the dungeon forever, but... 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5410 It seems that your blood is blue. Red #33 can fix that. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
5411 'Goneril? Regan? Seriously?' 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
5412 Well, we don't take divine right of kings here. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
5413 I'm sorry, Midas, but you need to limit your gold intake. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
5414 Thou need not worry, your Highness...it's only a monstrous carbuncle. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
5415 Death and taxes. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
5416 Major arthritis....must be from all that time spent in that cold counting house. But you're lucky you weren't in the garden, you could be missing a nose! 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
5417 I think your highness is smoking too much weed. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
5418 Gout. 100% Gout. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
5419 Well Your Majesty, I’m afraid you require the works of Sir Gury 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
5420 And you claim that President Trump' himself, Crowned you? 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
5421 I can't do anything about your fiddlers three joining the union, and you can still be merry without them. But I'd ease up, if I were you, on the smoking and drinking. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
5422 And tell me again how many burgers you eat in a week? 1.2099 0.06013 81 69 7 5
5423 I'd appreciate your not describing the proctology exam as "a royal pain." 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5424 Now, about that Midas touch and your personal grooming habits.... 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5425 Let’s just call it - succession dysfunction disorder. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5426 According to the tests you are at-risk for heart disease, diabetes, and regicide. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5427 I need to know more than that it’s just a royal pain. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5428 I'm sorry, your highness, but you MUST disrobe. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5429 Based on your history, I recomend you avoid alcohol, tobacco, and handshakes, King Midas. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5430 Because of your oral condition and the upcoming coronation, we'll need to get your teeth crowned. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5431 I am prescribing a diet that requires you to really cut down the usual lavish feasting on venison, world boar, and large flagons of mead and ale. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5432 Unfortunately Mr. Stevens, having gout doesn't actually make you a king 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5433 Look, Sire, I told you blue blood´s expensive. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5434 We figured out the cause of your hemorrhoids-too much time on the throne! 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5435 Have you ever heard the old saying that the Emperor has no clothes? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5436 About how long have you had this royal pain in the ass? 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5437 Well, you are pretty fit to be a king... 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5438 I'm prescribing that the Cook needs to inform the Groom of the Stool the next time she feeds you beets. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5439 Things don't look good, King Wenceslas 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5440 It says here you are allergic to animal fur. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5441 Ignore your wife. Royal pain in the ass is an insult, not a diagnosis. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5442 Well, a slow stream usually indicates an enlarged prostate. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5443 So I think we left off with the White Walkers arriving at Winterfell. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5444 Would you describe it as a royal pain in the ass? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5445 You may need a merry old soul with the news I have for you. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5446 I'm afraid that 'fit for a king' is not a compliment in this office. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5447 Looks like it’s a royal pain. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5448 Hmmm, this states that You have 'No Clothes' , and that You are an Emperor?!? " JK Fuller, Genoa, N 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5449 Unfortunately, I don't have a remedy for 'uneasy head.' 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5450 So, you have AIDS. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5451 Your fiddling days are over Mr. King Cole but you can still be merry.. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5452 Royal asshole or not, I still have to check your prostate. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5453 King Duthor, your blood test came back. You'll never turn into a frog again. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5454 I'm going to have to ask you to disrobe please Sir. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5455 I can understand that your Rule of Law affliction causes a royal localized pain, but anything I prescribe would have more serious consequences. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5456 It’s a bit long, “Dragonsbane, Protector of Isles, Blood of the Land” and whatnot... how about I just call you, George. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5457 Tell me more about this royal pain you’ve got. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5458 You do realize this is an advertising skit? 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5459 The treatment is a bit old-fashioned,but I'm sure you won't mind. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5460 And another thing ... it looks like you’re going to have to lay off the Fiddlers three too. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5461 Have you been experiencing any royal pains 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5462 You’’ll die soon Santa Klaus. The Christmas will end. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5463 Based on these results...I’ll be blunt, Your Majesty. You are royally screwed. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5464 It's not necessary for you to claim "bone spurs", just continue to pay golf at your club 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5465 Hmm...too heavy lies thy head. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5466 Your cholesterol is too high... you must take it easy on the burgers 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5467 The first readings of the chamber pot are very encouraging, your Majesty 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5468 I never watched Game of Thrones. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5469 You need to spend less time in the counting house. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5470 But is it Royalty-Free? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5471 So my nurse tells me what brings you in today, is a Royal Pain in the Ass? 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5472 I may have to consult with all your men and all your horses 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5473 You may be a Merry Old Soul, but your head is monstrous 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5474 I hate to say this, but ‘short live the king’.” 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5475 I now know what you mean by a royal pain in the butt. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5476 I agree with you, “It’s good to be king” but that doesn’t change the fact you have high blood pressure and bad cholesterol. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5477 Your vitals are on the Highness side. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5478 Yes, it does look nicer than a hospital robe but it doesn’t tie in back 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5479 I hate to tell you this, but what you have is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5480 It appears that you are allergic to ermine. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5481 Everything is fine, but you'll have to see a hematologist: your blood is blue! 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5482 I’m afraid you have money coming out the yahoo. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5483 Do you have a credit card? I'm afraid we're an out of kingdom provider. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5484 It's confirmed. Your blood type came back as royal. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5485 Yes, the royal we means it's twice the cost. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5486 In layman's language we call it a royal pain in the ass 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5487 Sorry Your Highness, that's not gold in your colon. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5488 I should have been a pediatrician... 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5489 It looks like you're suffering obstruction of justice 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5490 Well, we've talked before about the need for moderation with the pipe and bowl. As for the fiddlers three, rather than just listening, maybe you could get off the throne and - Jazzercize! 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5491 I suppose Colonoscopy King has a ring to it. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5492 It's a normal part of the aging process. We don't recommend any intervention unless you progress further to just a bronze touch. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5493 Even though you got the outfit and think you are one, in this country you can't be a king. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5494 Well your symptoms all add up to Crownitize and its not going to change. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5495 Have you thought about changing to the Vegetable King 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5496 Everything looks good except for a fungal problem with the family jewels. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5497 You were at my wedding, Denise. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5498 This is going to cost you a diamond. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5499 Mr Cole, I’m afraid your merry levels are aren’t as high as we’d like for someone as old as you. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5500 Sorry. Your insurance doesn't cover the condition of being A Royal Pain in the Butt. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5501 In your case, the Midas touch is not an accepted currency. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5502 I don't know why anyone would say that, Emperor, I just need from the waist down. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5503 -Dentist, what does it say? - I think we need to replace your crown. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5504 Here is your doctors note. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5505 I'm afraid a 'royal pain in the you-know-what' isn't an official diagnosis. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5506 Where did the Queen say you are a royal pain 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5507 You do know GOT is a TV Show, not Reality TV, right? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5508 Well yes heavy is the crown. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5509 I would suggest a stool softener. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5510 No, it says you're a president, and severely overweight. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5511 Yes, they're covered by Medicare. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5512 So you think it's a royal flush? 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5513 Unfortunately, I can find no reference to “royal pain” in the literature 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5514 I'm afraid a coronary bypass will end your time on the throne. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5515 The lab results are back - you really are a royal pain. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5516 I need your gown to open from the back. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5517 So you want to king of hearts and not spades? 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5518 Yes that’s a nice crown but I meant the one in your mouth needs replaced 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5519 I see you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5520 Humpty Dumpty called me and I can 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5521 Dr., my camel thinks I'm crazy! 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5522 Really? You have a pain where? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5523 Would you describe it as a pain in the ass or a royal pain in the ass? 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5524 Have you ever heard of the Lear complex? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5525 Sorry, but when you get these results your not going to be a merry old soul! 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5526 Bridgegate Syndrome is like Herpes, it only goes dormant for a while. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5527 So... you're complaining about a royal pain in your back-side? 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5528 Well Mr. Midas, I'm afraid you've lost your golden touch. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5529 And how long have you had the Queen’s high heel lodged in your colon? 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5530 You're free to seek a second opinion, but it is, indeed, a common cold. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5531 Your ascending to the throne does not seem to have cured your cancer. I'm afraid your reign will be brief. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5532 You’re never too old, King Cole! 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5533 You are the healthiest monarch in all recorded history. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5534 Says here your blood type is "royal" . . . ? 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5535 Your grace, congratulations, it's a boy! Just kidding. You have gout. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5536 A lot of men your age have hemmoroids so you’re not the only one with a royal pain there 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5537 No, I'm not dying. Just you. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5538 That's not exactly what I meant by getting your crown removed 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5539 Nothing wrong with you that a bowl, a pipe, and fiddlers three can't cure. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5540 I' m afraid the DNA tests show you don't have royal blood after all. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5541 I've your results. Apparently, it's not so good to be the King. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5542 I'm afraid, your highness, what you simply have is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5543 You're gonna have to cut back on the blackbird pie. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5544 I am sorry Mr. Midas, but your PPO does not cover golden touch disorder. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5545 Sorry, Your Highness, but after this you might not want to sit on the Iron Throne. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5546 This blood test confirms you have high cholesterol and that you are Aegon Targaryen true heir to the Iron Throne. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5547 To be honest, I ‘d be monarchic if I were you. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5548 Unfortunately your plan isn’t covered. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5549 I suspect I know where your royal pain is. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5550 So, how long have you had this royal pain in the ass? 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5551 I'm sorry to tell you that what you have is the not so rare condition called "Royal Pain in the Ass". 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5552 You’ve got to stop calling for your pipe and your bowl. The fiddlers are O.K. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5553 Oxygen should help with the blue blood. Here: Daily fresh air and a dose of reality, you’ll be fine. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5554 It’s Crown Fatique Syndrome 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5555 Yes I've read Jack Herer, why do you ask? 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5556 It’s nice to see you again, Prince Charles. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5557 I'm afraid to say your Whopper level is dangerously high Mr King. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5558 In layman's terms...? OK, have you seen Game of Thrones? 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5559 Unfortunately, your legacy numbers are way low. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5560 I'm sorry to report that it's the same nagging royal pain that we can't seem to get rid off. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5561 No, it says here your health insurance doesn't cover crowns. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5562 Just as I thought—-a royal pain in the ass. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5563 Sire, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5564 Are you saying it's not a royal pain? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5565 I would agree that clothes do make the man and hence my white coat, but I do have to caution that not all will say you are King of All That. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5566 I see you're interested in having scepterplasty. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
5567 They call you King Killer 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5568 Tell me about this royal pain in the neck. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5569 Your Highness, when would you say your ego started inflating? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5570 It’s confirmed. You have the ‘Disease of Kings’. Put the Queen on the thrown and call me in the morning. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5571 It says here that you have an obsession about getting a horse. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5572 Last month a butterfly. I see a pattern emerging. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5573 Your Majesty you've been diagnosed with a severe case of tyrannizing 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5574 I see you haven't provided me the name of your insurance company. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5575 You may leave on you socks and the crown. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5576 When did you first notice your ermine spots fading? 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5577 Please stop calling your kidney stones “royal pains.” As a doctor, I hated that show. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
5578 I'd like you to cut back on the pipes and bowls. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5579 Midas, it seems you lost your touch! 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5580 I’m afraid, Mr. Klaus, we’ve seen no improvement in your delusions of grandeur. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5581 Red and White blood cells: Normal Blue blood: Absent, Your Maje... ahem, Sir!" 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
5582 I am seeking a royal name for your ailment! 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5583 I'm afraid to tell you Sir,but your heir is depriving you of your sleep. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
5584 I'm sorry to tell you this, but we'll have to abdicate. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5585 No it weighs the same since I last checked 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
5586 I'll order an MRI, but you'll need to take the crown off. 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
5587 So, King Cole... Just how long have you been into ...'the pipe and the bowl' ? 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
5588 Your tests show that now you are King Diabetes’ subject. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
5589 I'm afraid it's the crown causing the uneasy feelings. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
5590 I'm afraid I'll need to refer you to the Royal Proctologist for this one. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
5591 If that concerned over a small you-know-what, you'd best buy a BMW. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
5592 “My diagnosis is that you are literally a *royal* pain in the ass. 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
5593 You're saying you can turn anything into gold? 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5594 According to these results, you have a royal case of the blahs. 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
5595 I'm sorry your Highness, but I have some bad news. You're pregnant! 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
5596 I don’t really have a prescription for the dethroned. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5597 It looks like the enlightenment is severy, but we can offer you a treatment to secure the unaffected parts of your monarchy in a constitutional manner. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5598 Empirical rule has not been helping your blood pressure. 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
5599 Your MRI shows a pointy metal object on the crown of your head. That syndrome is extremely rare, and usually has a strong genetic component. 1.2055 0.06156 73 62 7 4
5600 Looks like Royal PIA. Your subjects know it as hemorrhoids. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5601 Seems that you have a touch of the Midas. 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
5602 And you say your soul has been no longer merry since? 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
5603 I'm sorry but I can't perscribe you to Barts Magical Aid, the pharmacy wouldn't be able to make it. 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
5604 How bad is the pain, where 10 is royal? 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
5605 I'm sorry, but not even a kings' ransom... 1.2055 0.06458 73 63 5 5
5606 How’s your back feel from sitting all day? 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5607 Well, Mr. Burger King, how do you think the cardiac screening went? 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5608 No, it's not really that common for someone's grandmother to also be their great aunt. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
5609 I'm sorry. It seems you have gout. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5610 You're not getting any younger, King Cole. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5611 Your heart stopped years ago. You're just running on protocol. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5612 Your Highness, you do not need to seek a medical opinion every time someone complains of a "royal pain in the ass" 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5613 Well, this is not exactly a royal flush. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5614 Just because your likeness appears on playing cards, doesn't mean people are playing you 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5615 I'm sorry, but the lab results don't show any signs of 'royal' blood. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5616 I'm giving you the number of a good Proctologist who can take care of that Royal Pain. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5617 If I give you the bad news, do you promise to not off with my head?" Sonny Hardman, Atlanta,Ga 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5618 I advise you not to use your cellphone when you are on the throne. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5619 This is going to take more than "all the King's horses" I'm afraid. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5620 Are you sure you have enough in the counting house? 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5621 Well we know your really sick, it will take some time to heal, but I will tell the subjects your really healthy. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5622 It says here Mr Trump that you additionally decided to grow a beard 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5623 I understand,sir,but you need to eat more king salmon for the Omega 3s which are BOGO now at Sea Shelf,it says here. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5624 You're the healthiest King who's ever been King, sir. And it has been my privilege to examine your prostate." (And the doctor is thinking to himself...Oy Gevalt! 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5625 All evidence points to a royal pain in the ass" 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5626 Great news! After reviewing your chart, I would absolutely endorse you for being King in the North. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5627 I recommend giving up your pipe and limiting your bowl. In addition, no more fiddling until three. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5628 Sitting too long on the your porcelain throne will cause king size hemorrhoids your Highness. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5629 But given your wealth, it's not the death sentence it might seem to be. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5630 Again, your Highness, your diet cannot be burgers alone! 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5631 Your Highness, you have a royal pain in the butt. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5632 Your reflexes are good as polled. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5633 it says here, you're out of this time 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5634 Sorry, Sofa King, you're sofa king sick. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5635 Yes, I agree. Hemorrhoids can be a royal pain... 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5636 Ok ser you have a... FEVER! 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5637 Yes, I have looked at all the test results and you do have a royal pain in the ass. 1.2029 0.06715 69 60 4 5
5638 You call for your pipe and your bowl, I'll call in this script for the capsules. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5639 How long have you been...er, had, this royal pain? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5640 It seems that you are allergic to ermine. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5641 Sorry, i thought you said, "apostate." 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5642 I am sorry, you have a bad case of Game-of-Thronesitis 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5643 I'm sorry, your treatment is not affordable. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5644 According to this, your Majesty, there is some question about your eligibility for Medicare. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5645 Normally we would call it a “Run of the mill” pain in the ass. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5646 With all due respect, you still have to pay your bill. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5647 You should lay off of the burgers, king. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5648 When did this sadness first strike you, King Cole? 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5649 You've really got to cut down on the blackbird pie. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5650 You appear to have an abscess of wealth. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5651 So you're here because of a royal pain in the posterior area? 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5652 Not so good to be King. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5653 Does your family have a history of kingdom ruling-induced stress? 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5654 Is it Santa or King? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5655 Looks like something else is claiming ‘divine-right’ with your heart. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5656 Looks like you may have a common case of royal pain in the gluteus maximus. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5657 I would limit yourself to only light pillaging for the next 30 days. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5658 Are you experiencing any royal pain? 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5659 Do you really feel that Goneril and Regan will recant? 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5660 I beg your royal pardon. According to the DNA test, you ARE the one true king. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5661 I am sorry, but you have a severe case of kingdom-ites! 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5662 You know, you could always just abolish medical insurance. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5663 Your soul is merry, but avoid the pipe and bowl. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5664 I don't see "Not a Merry Old Soul" anywhere in the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5665 I don't know how to say this, except to come right out with it. You are suffering from Monocracy and your time is limited...... 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5666 Try to get lots of rest while Cersei, Jaime and Tyrion are at archery summer camp, my King. Have you given up chariot driving yet? 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5667 When asked to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, you wrote "royal". 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5668 It says here that you were doing a commercial ... and fell on your butter? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5669 Well, as I suspected... the pain in your butt is royal. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5670 So when did you first notice this royal pain in the butt 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5671 I see the reason for your visit is a royal pain of undetermined origin... 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5672 At this point, I'd say your "Game Of Thrones" muscles are getting worn out; maybe it's time for "All The King's Men." 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5673 Yes your Majesty it is gout. How did you guess? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5674 You're sure you don't have anything for a royal pain in the ass? 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5675 So what are the symptoms of your allergies with furs? 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5676 I am sorry your insurance won't cover crowning. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5677 It says, "by royal decree, one nineteen over seventy three." 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5678 So, Mr Canute, how long have you had this obsession with controlling the tides? 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5679 At your age, you just can't expect as much from the royal we. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5680 I only ask because you've listed your employment as "plumber". 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5681 Royal adjustment takes care of the report. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5682 I thought I told you that the convention got rescheduled for 7:00, Don! 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5683 You need to stop calling for your pipe. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5684 Your blood pressure is suffering from both the physical stress and the moral stress of eating Wendy's burgers 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5685 Looks like you've lost the royal touch. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5686 These test results don't show any Royal blood. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5687 "I'm afraid you don't get extra aerobic points for being king." 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5688 Your test results show that the heaviness your feeling in your head is caused by the crown 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5689 You have to stop leaving your sceptre on your throne, Your Majesty. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5690 It appears, your highness, that your pain is royal. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5691 Hear ye! Hear ye! 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5692 `Diagnosis: Terminality. Prescription: go incognito. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5693 Is it still narcissism if you really are the greatest thing to ever ever happen on earth? 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5694 It turns out it was just a Royal Pain. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5695 You got blackjacked...!! 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5696 The good news is your kingdom is being invaded. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5697 You aren't still eating that margarine, are you? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5698 I know you wield considerable economic and military might, but I didn't mean it that way. 1.2029 0.04877 69 55 14 0
5699 It’s a complex problem. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5700 The robe stays on but the crown has to go. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5701 That wasn't the type of "royal flush" I had in mind. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5702 No, Your Majesty, you are not hallucinating. Despite the social media rumors, you actually do have new clothes. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5703 Carrots aren't just for the reindeer. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5704 I actually hate game of thrones. 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5705 You do realize that your diagnosis was only King for a Day. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5706 You say this fast food diet is going straight to your thighs 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5707 I wouldn't worry too much. That's a common place to have a royal pain. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5708 With your "BP" I think you'll have to consider a lighter weight crown! 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5709 From now on we'll call you Bunion King. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5710 Hemorrhoids, Sire, A Royal Pain-in-the -Ass. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5711 Nothing to worry about Your Majesty. They’re just structural alterations. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5712 Yes that does sound like a royal pain 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5713 Your insurance denied any further testing, but the diagnosis is clear, its a royal pain in the ass. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5714 Sire, proctologist #3 agrees with the others about Your Highness. We have him on the rack now. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5715 Your higness, I'm sorry , but you're in the wrong country 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5716 Sorry, 20,000 ships doesn't actually cover the co-pay. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5717 Shouldn't you be seeing a dentist about your crown? 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5718 1. They were probably nervous about telling you the gown should open in the back. or 2. A bit of bad news. Have you read the Emperor of All Maladies? 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5719 Your Highness, your copayment does not kick in for another 50K. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5720 First, the good news. You have a crystal clear line of succession, which is going to avoid a lot of headaches. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5721 No, 5 day old lettuce on a burger does not count towards your daily vegetables 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5722 It says here that your main symptom is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5723 Sorry to tell you they're wrong. It's not long live the king. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5724 My advice? Remove your Jokers and Fools as health care proxies immediately. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5725 You really should lay off the burgers 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5726 It says here your mother had the same thing and passed away at Buckingham Palace in Jan. 2029. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5727 I am an ENT. The Phychiatric ward is down the hall. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5728 All right, Bill. Please relinquish your robe and crown and I'll return shortly. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
5729 I’m sorry your Majesty, but you just can’t sit on the throne that long. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5730 Yes, I'm aware that gout is 'the king's disease.' But go easy on the rich foods, okay? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5731 Let's not get over optimistic, we're still waiting on the Excalibur results. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5732 So, you think, your actual gender is Lion, the King?! 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5733 Can you describe the pain as something besides 'royal'? 1.2029 0.06390 69 59 6 4
5734 Last time you only had headaches, and now your neck is deformed! How did you get the idea of wearing a crown instead of headband? 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
5735 Once we get you on these MAOIs, you should be a merry old soul again in no time. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5736 It says here you're impotent 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5737 Well, it appears you're a royal pain in the butt. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
5738 No, royal blood does not protect you from diabetes. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
5739 No. Fred Rogers died several years ago. You have no feet. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
5740 Humm, you have a heart of gold with veins of silver. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
5741 Do you knight every doctor during the “turn and cough?!” 1.2027 0.06079 74 63 7 4
5742 It appears that you are allergic to your gold crown 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
5743 This is an HMO form, not ‘His Majesty’s Orders.’ 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
5744 Who, other than the Queen, has mentioned your pain in the posterior? 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
5745 I got good news and bad news, King Midas. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
5746 Seems you'll always be King of Pain 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
5747 In relatable terms my liege, treatments may cost you a King's ransom! 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
5748 It says here that your royal pains are a pre-existing condition. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
5749 It's genital herpes, your highness. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
5750 Too much gold in the blood. 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
5751 Do you want the exam table up more, your Highness? 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
5752 Well, maybe now you'll be the veggie burger king. 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
5753 You eat how many bananas a day? 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
5754 Actually, and frankly I'm as surprised as you'll be by the results, you DON'T have gout. 1.2000 0.05967 70 59 8 3
5755 There is no "royal flush" for your colonoscopy prep. 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
5756 How are you dealing with the royal pains? 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
5757 Well, Sire, as it turns out, you have a king-sized tumor.” Ivor Hanson Scarsdale, New York 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
5758 So, tell me again about this royal pain? 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
5759 Well, Your Majesty, your insurance only covers the fur allergy not the gold allergy. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
5760 Your majesty, but news. Your coronation arteries are clogged. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
5761 ByTamara Doe So, it says here you are no longer Merry? 1.1972 0.05890 71 60 8 3
5762 We ran the tests again, but still couldn’t determine whether transmitting ‘royal blood’ would pose any risk to your sexual partners. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5763 I think you’ve taken the breakfast advice I gave you a little too literally 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5764 The results of your MRI indicate that you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5765 I am OK with taking off the robe, but the crown must stay on. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5766 You’ve got the robe on backwards. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5767 Sign this waiver. If you keep eating eggs I don't want to go to jail for regicide. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5768 Well, you’d weigh 239 if you ditched the robe and crown. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5769 Nope, not a drop of royal blood. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5770 Yes, as King you have the right to Protest Too Much! 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5771 Not to be a royal pain in the ass, but I need to check your prostate. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5772 I told you to play your cards right. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5773 So, says here you've been complaining about having a royal pain in the butt... 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5774 Bad news highness...the royal jewels are cancerous 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5775 Listen, Cole, you're going to have to find new sources of merriment. Smoking your pipe is no longer acceptable, the cook has been ordered to reduce your soup intake, and the fiddlers have quit. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5776 You say you've never been to a doctor?" "No, I haven't. If there's something wrong with me, I don't want to know about it!" 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5777 Based on my report, I think I’m going to have to confiscate your prized Juuls. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5778 No, you don't have hemorrhoids but you do have a chronic case of royal pain in the ass. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5779 Listen to me... Stop. Eating. Grapes. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5780 Let's go with the enlightened despot thing and see if we can get that blood pressure reading down. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5781 C'mon live a little. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5782 If we could just find your spleen, we'd have you back together again. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5783 What is it you want me to check, mate? 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5784 You have a robust Constitution. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5785 Turns out you're right about that pain in the ass. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5786 Are you the new king of the Seven Kingdoms? 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5787 Bad news - you’re allergic to the ermine fringe. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5788 How do "Good King Wenceslas" and "White Christmas" come into your condition ? 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5789 Your majesty, I'm happy to report you are the fittest king we have ever had! 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5790 Unfortunately medicare-for-all does not include royalty! 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5791 Here are your new checkmate papers. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5792 I don't care if you are the king. No more mutton. Your cholesterol levels are too high . 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5793 I'm afraid it's a royal mess. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5794 The Emperor may have actual clothes but what you really need is a colonoscopy. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5795 I’m afraid you were, indeed, adopted. Now, give me the crown. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5796 You've got tendinitis in your right shoulder. I'm afraid you're going to have to rule with your iron left hand for at least six weeks. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5797 um ,i don't know how to say it! you have a kind of cancer we call it kingdom! 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5798 This prescription should take care of your erectile disfunction, Your (sort-of) Highness. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5799 Your Majesty, I said your prostate not potentate. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5800 Yes, I suppose we could call it a royal pain. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5801 Well, this has to be the oddest DNA results I’ve ever seen! According to this report, you are related to none other than… Burger King! 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5802 Your majesty: I know that in your constitutional monarchy you have no term limits, but sadly..... 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5803 It seems you have a problem with patriarchal doctors. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5804 Well, we can do the operation, but first you'll have to find a lot more Gold. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5805 Sorry, Sire, but my initial diagnosis stands. Even in your case, “the Ole Crown Jewels” is just an idiom. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5806 It says here the crown is irremovable without damaging the brain...I guess the power has gone to your head and it's staying there. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5807 I’m only a proctologist, but I suspect that what you really have is a royal pain in the lower back. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5808 Sir...eh....Sire...how many cheeseburgers do you eat in a day? 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5809 Your excessive red meat consumption is bound to lead to a WHOPPER of a heart attack! 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5810 The good news is that being a royal pain in the ass won't kill you. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5811 You are not the first to refer to me as a Royal pain. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5812 We need to remove your new clothes before applying the leeches, your majesty. Alternatively you may choose to dictate your own report with only positive results. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5813 Frankly, you look pretty well clothed to me. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5814 I have to say, when I was told period drama, I wasn't expecting a man. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5815 At first glance, ditching the crown might just be the trick to lessen your neck pain 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5816 I can’t immediately rule out that it’s “The Midas Touch” 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5817 You need to lay off the burgers, King! 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5818 Your cholesterol result is a real whopper. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5819 I can’t tell if says you are or have a royal pain. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5820 Are you sure your son Albert can't help? Where's he been staying? 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5821 Nothing to worry about— it’s just a royal pain in the ass. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5822 I’m sorry your Majestry, your policy doesn’t cover that procedure. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5823 Well sire, you're one percentage point below the threshold for obesity. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5824 It's a royal pain in the butt, I know. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5825 It seems that you have impostor syndrome. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5826 I'm sorry to have to tell you that you've been forked by a knight, and you're going to loose your queen... 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5827 Well, it seems as though you're back together again. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5828 Sometimes, a robe, is a robe, is a robe. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5829 These new clothes doesn't quite seem to have an effect on you 1.1970 0.06556 66 57 5 4
5830 Our report indicates that your blood pressure and cholesterol are fine, but the nurse indicates that you have a Royal pain in the WHAT! Oh I'm sorry. You are a Royal pain in the WHAT!" 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5831 Your posterior pain appears to be a genetic affliction. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5832 How many times have I told you to have an apple a day and not touch yourself there? 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5833 I'm sorry the procedure doesn't qualify for Medicaid 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5834 Your blood pressure is the stuff of legend, but I’d cut down on the pickled herring. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5835 The treatment will cost a King's Ransom. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
5836 I'm sorry, the insurance company rejected your executive order. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5837 You are not curing scrofula, you're spreading it. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
5838 Please confirm your name and birthday and are you allergic to latex? 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
5839 Your attorney says you've been cleared of all malignancy. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
5840 Believe it or not you can tell royalty even from a used rubber glove. 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
5841 Your Majesty, CBC results are all excellent, but your blue blood count is just ridiculous! 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5842 According to this you're a royal pain in the ass 1.1940 0.05312 67 55 11 1
5843 So your asking me to repair Humpty Dumpty 1.1940 0.06464 67 58 5 4
5844 No, for the third time! We have no leeches. 1.1940 0.06464 67 58 5 4
5845 Midas, I suggest you don't eat with your fingers. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5846 Drop your cloak and cough 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5847 You say your nausea gets worse with punch lines?" "Yes, my gorge rises at it! 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
5848 I am surprised as well, but this pain actually originates in the shoulder. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5849 Golly, I don't know. It SAYS 239 pounds, but ..." 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5850 Well the good news is 1.1940 0.05312 67 55 11 1
5851 I know the side effects seem bad now. But come December, you may have a new career on your hands! 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5852 King Friday: Would it be mine, could it be mine, please don't let it be my cancer. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
5853 And, this throne that you spent all night on...was it made of porcelain or gold? 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
5854 Sorry, your Majesty. In your case it’s a Royal common ailment. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
5855 You need more exercise. You're spending too much time playing solitaire. 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
5856 The bad news is, despite all the progress in medicine, we still average one death per person in the world today 1.1918 0.06062 73 63 6 4
5857 Sorry sir, but our charts indicate you have the Black Plague. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5858 As I've told you before, the bowl and the fiddlers are fine, but you have got to give up the pipe. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5859 If I were you, I'd ease up on the knighthood investiture ceremonies. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5860 You have iron throne deficiency. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5861 I'm afraid your organs have turned against you. They've decided to eat the rich. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5862 I'm sorry but your insurance plan is PPSerf 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5863 Please describe your royal pain in the ass. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5864 Well you seem to be suffering from regnal colic. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5865 All the King's horses and all the King's men, couldn't make you a normal man again! But maybe a mental health referral would help. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5866 Well, King, you don’t have Malaria. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5867 The results are in... it seems that you are a royal pain 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5868 While hemorrhoids are pretty common, your pain is clinically royal. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5869 The only known cure for Trumpitis is in the ballot. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5870 Actually, I would advise against the "Royal Treatment" in this case. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5871 How long have you smoked? 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5872 It's herpes. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5873 And where are you experiencing this royal pain? 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5874 What do you mean you can't afford health insurance? 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5875 How can I say this in a way you’ll understand? You’re totally screwed. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5876 No, "royal syphilis" is not a thing... 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5877 The next time leave your costume at home. It’s not called king’s desease anymore. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5878 You’re not going to believe this. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5879 Looks like a classic case of knight to queen’s bishop seven. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5880 It's a boy. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5881 I can’t treat you. Addiction to Game of Thrones is not a billable diagnosis code. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5882 Dad what are you doing here?” “To be treated like a king. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5883 Well, sire, test results indicate that your'e a royal pain in the ass. It's probably a hereditary condition, but fortunately can be cured by beheading. 1.1912 0.06710 68 60 3 5
5884 I’m worried about the amount of iron throne in your diet. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5885 I'm sorry but all your horses and men won't help put him back together again. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5886 No matter what the Queen says, I find no indication of rectal soreness. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5887 Test results confirm the Queen’s assessment that you’re a royal pain in the butt. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5888 One more test is need to finger-out where to go from there. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5889 Well, the good news is that PHYSICALLY you are ok. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5890 How odd. If I'm reading this correctly, you died on a toilet. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5891 It says here: "That you have a royal pain in your butt." 1.1912 0.06375 68 59 5 4
5892 Sorry, your Highness, but your colonoscopy is going to be a royal pain in the behind. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5893 That sounds like a royal pain in the ass. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5894 Your highness, King David came in with the same thing last week. CVS should have your prescription come nightfall. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5895 The Gold Only diet doesn't seem to be working. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5896 The general consensus is royal pain in the arse. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5897 My bill may be outrageous, but we still accept people from all walks of life. Take the crown off, Stew. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5898 You may have the heart and stomach of a king, Mr. Lear, but your spleen is completely out of whack. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5899 I tried blending in but then someone spotted me and all hell broke lose. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5900 I don't think "The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" includes "The Midas Touch" in its index. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5901 It says here that, indeed, your humor is black...black bile. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5902 I'm sure you understand, Your Majesty, at this point we can't rule anything out. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5903 You are by far the healthiest monarch in the entire history of Pinochle. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5904 No sex for a week. You've got Spades! 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5905 Why yes, Your Majesty, we do call that a royal pain. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5906 I don't care what WebMD says. Just because you're dressed like that doesn't mean you have gout. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5907 No, I don’t think you’re too old to run for president! 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5908 Our findings indicate that you have returned to your original complaint of over shopping in Kings County! 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5909 ... or 'promenade pneumonia', if you prefer. 1.1912 0.06375 68 59 5 4
5910 Well, my initial diagnosis is that you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5911 The single payer plan is going to cost you, sir. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5912 It turns out you are sitting on your royal pain. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5913 That 'Royal pain in the ass' you complain of just turns out to be hemorrhoids. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5914 You should stop wearing these emperors new clothes in public if you want to avoid another cold. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
5915 I'm so sorry King Cole, your problem is not medical, it's your soul! 1.1912 0.06375 68 59 5 4
5916 We could remove it, but I am not sure if the hair will ever grow back. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5917 Sorry to report your health has fallen from grace, your highness. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5918 I'm sorry, your majesty, but your insurance doesn't cover the common cold. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5919 Yes, you have royal blood. maybe that's why your cholesterol is over 300. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5920 I know you are the king but you are still going to have to disrobe so I can examine you. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5921 Your colonoscopy could be a royal pain. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5922 On a scale of 1 to 10, how royal is the pain? 1.1912 0.06375 68 59 5 4
5923 Promise you won't execute me if I tell you that we can't provide you a king size bed. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5924 You’ll live — like a king. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5925 Your rule of thumb is getting short. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
5926 Your pain isn't royal. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
5927 Let me guess, big toe pain? 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
5928 You need to do more exercising. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
5929 Just because you own a burger chain doesn't mean you should eat all of your meals there. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
5930 Unfortunately, “this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me” is not a diagnosis that will qualify you for long term disability. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5931 Yes, but WHERE are you aching? 1.1884 0.06288 69 60 5 4
5932 You can still have your pipe, You can still have your bowl, And your crown nicely covers my fee! 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
5933 It’s just a cold. 1.1884 0.06288 69 60 5 4
5934 Old King Cole needs to watch his cholesterol. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
5935 Sorry I had to do that, I know it was a royal pain in the ass. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
5936 Reports on your royal blue blood are all good , my liege. Its the global warming - our royal robe needs to be tailored with a much lighter material ! 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5937 Your Highness, Royal Pain in the Butt is not just a euphemism. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
5938 Although there is no scientific validity to your claims, at 145 this "long live the king" schtick is admittedly working out well for you. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5939 So now it's time to retire 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5940 I’ll know more after I get the lab results, but I suspect you have a genuine case of “royal pain in the ass”. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5941 The results are back. You are a royal pain in the a@@. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
5942 I did ask you to hold the pickles. 1.1884 0.06618 69 61 3 5
5943 With a bad cholesterol level you should avoid Double Whoppers but keep your job marketing them. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5944 Hemorrhoids can result from being on the throne too long. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5945 Have you considered abdication? 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5946 You failed your blood test. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5947 I have the results of your physical, and there is some “fake news” and some made-for-Fox News. 1.1884 0.06288 69 60 5 4
5948 The test results reveal that you don’t have blue blood. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
5949 You're not happy with your HMO plan, and you're paying out-of-pocket to see me......... 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
5950 Fit as a fiddle. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
5951 The DNA results legitimize your claim to the throne,but you will be the new queen not the new king. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
5952 Sorry-but your subjects don't care much about your problem, they want better coverage! 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
5953 According to this report you are not a king. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5954 You’re a royal pain. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5955 You can get dressed now, Your Highness. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5956 What you have is a royal pain in your ass. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5957 With this laxative, you will have to sit on the throne everyday for an hour or so. 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5958 Your results are normal. I see no reason why you shouldn't be fit to run for office. 1.1875 0.06635 64 56 4 4
5959 yes yes YES,Its GOOD to be King,I get it already! 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5960 Among my patients, you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5961 I don't think a royal pain is a good enough reason for an appointment... 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5962 About the examination, your Heighness, you can't abdicate from your prostate 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5963 Your last proctologist turned to gold? 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5964 I'm afraid all is not well with Your Royal Hiney. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5965 I'm afraid it's bad news. The only known cure for a royal pain in the ass is amputation. 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5966 So King Cole, as your physician, I would like to make clear that tachycardia is not the same as "a merry old soul" 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5967 You do have Medicare Part D, correct? 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5968 yeah, propofol's fantastic, sleep great, wake up happy— i'll need to come to your castle every night, which'll add some costs and, trust me, it'll be way easier if we handle it in cash, off the books. i'll put the order in. what else? you like oxy? 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5969 Bronchitis.... no more sledge riding 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5970 Based on your wife’s exam, the baby should crown within the hour. 1.1875 0.06635 64 56 4 4
5971 King, schming. In here I issue the edicts. You got that chief? 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5972 It’s a royal pain in the neck, your majesty. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5973 Bad news, the blood test indicates you have blue blood. 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5974 The side effect profile is similar to Eye of Newt. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5975 You have a royal case of it, Sire! 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5976 I suggest a week at a nudist resort to clear up your modesty. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5977 I’m not certain how you say it in Dothraki, but we call it simply ‘erectile dysfunction’” 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5978 I am sorry to say My Lord, I cannot issue a medical certificate to postpone the war with the wights. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5979 Ah, so you say you're suffering from a merry ol' soul? 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5980 Uneasy lies your head. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5981 Your Majesty, The test results indicate that you are suffering from popularity deficiency. 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
5982 What sort of insurance do you have? 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5983 So, you described having a royal pain in the ass... 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5984 You're in perfect health and, no, I don't take goats as payment. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
5985 Your monarchy is going to require some exercise and vegetables. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5986 I agree it’s a royal pain in the ass, but really nothing to worry about. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5987 You did test positive for chronic reign disease. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
5988 Well, I could call your gout the 'Disease of Kings' but it wouldn't make it any less painful. 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
5989 I'm afraid it's Posterior Royal Pain Syndrome, Sire. 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
5990 Regrettably, it's been a few centuries since this hospital accepted your "single pear" plan. 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
5991 king Schwartz you got warts 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
5992 Any more meals like that and you'll have a heart attack fit for a king 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
5993 Yes, I do see the crown...but according to this I'm afraid it's just a regular pain in the ass. 1.1846 0.05756 65 55 8 2
5994 No major changes to your meds, just take one dose of Exalta, not the two that I originally prescribed. 1.1846 0.05756 65 55 8 2
5995 You have an incurable case of George R. R. Martin writing. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
5996 It says here that you've been receiving the royal treatment. 1.1818 0.05675 66 56 8 2
5997 Checking your prostate may result in a royal pain in the ass, but I assure you it is only temporary. 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
5998 Unfortunately, loss of Golden touch is not covered by Medicare. 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
5999 Has anyone mentioned "royal pain"? 1.1818 0.05675 66 56 8 2
6000 Sorry to disappoint, but your pain in the ass is just a boil. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
6001 Please disrobe, I need to check the Crown Jewels. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6002 I'm afraid your policy doesn't cover royal treatment. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6003 No more throne games. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6004 Considering you just turned my examination table into gold... 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6005 There is a little black spot today. It's the same as yesterday. But I don’t really think you are the king of pain. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6006 Your loose crown is not a physician's problem. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6007 Sorry, your majesty, but there's no treatment for a royal pain. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6008 How did your scepter get up there? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6009 Sire, the Royal prostate exam results are exemplary. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6010 I'm afraid your results don't look good, King Wenceslas. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6011 No, a royal decree will not cure you. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6012 There's been a mistake. Your chart says "Thinks he's a king everywhere." 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6013 It looks to me like you have an inflated ego. I’m going to have to refer you to Dr. Trump. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6014 It's called Gout your Highness, and no it's not a job requirement 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6015 So for the surgery we’ll need you to wear your robe backwards 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6016 In layman's terms, you are experiencing a royal pain in the you- know- where. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6017 This report reads you have and the and the other says you are a royal pain in the rectum. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6018 I am sure you are correct that it enhances the taste of everything, but as your physician, I have to insist you cut back on the Imperial margerine. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6019 I'm just surprised you caught dysentery at Coachella. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6020 One of us took to much of what I prescribed. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6021 I’m sorry to inform you, but it turns out that you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6022 Didn't we just do a doctor and patient on the examination table...? 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6023 The crown has got to go. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6024 You say it's hereditary? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6025 Your LDL is very high...Maybe ease up on the four-and-twenty-blackbird pies. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6026 Hmm, a royal pain in the ass, you say? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6027 What do you mean, you won't accept any diagnosis other than Hemophilia? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6028 So, according to this your blood type is ‘Blue’? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6029 We are exactly do you have that royal pain? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6030 I am sorry to say - the bloodwork confirms the diagnosis of megalomania 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6031 Pain the the butt is just an expression, not a medical condition 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6032 I'm sorry, King Midas, but we have to give your arthritic knees some gold shots. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6033 There's something funny here, but I just can't put my finger on it! 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6034 ...and, most of all, you skip the fries. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6035 Contact your dentist. Thy crown needs to be reset. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6036 NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT YOUR WAY THIS TIME! Lab results are what they are! 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6037 Apparently, it’s a royal pain in the butt. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6038 When did you sit on it? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6039 How long have you been a royal pain in the ass? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6040 Your crown is weighing too heavily on you. 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6041 So Mr. President, your diagnosis is that you have been victimized by a Russian Active Measure. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6042 Well, you rich ass, it crystalizes in the joints and that's what causes the king's disease. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6043 I really doubt bone spurs can keep you out of jail. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6044 It appears that you have a fur allergy. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6045 If I were a real doctor I would say there is no trace of royal blood. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6046 Yes I know it’s unpleasent but look at it this way, at least you don’t have to kiss my ring. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6047 You'll need your crown refitted immediately. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6048 There’s no easy way to say this, Father Time. You have six eternities to live. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6049 I suppose it's OK, but generally our gowns open at the back and are better ventilated 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6050 I'm afraid your claim has been denied by Blue Blood Blue Scepter. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6051 I see here that last week you were Jesus, the week before that Napoleon. And now you are back to reality, King of the World. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6052 My apologies Sir...in the country of the blind it is the one-eyed man who is king. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6053 Sell the castle! 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6054 Sir, I don’t care if the whitewalkers have breached the wall. Your cholesterol levels are concerning. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6055 You’ve lost your Golden Touch? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6056 Unfortunately, the procedure you need isn't covered by Medicare. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6057 So, you say you’ve lost the ability to turn everything into gold? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6058 You're not back here because of the bed bugs, are you? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6059 The extensive tests indicate you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6060 Not very royal results, Your Majesty! 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6061 And you say it's a royal pain in the ass? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6062 No need to get salty, I only said you're low key thicc. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6063 Are you familiar with gout, Burger King? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6064 ... but I'm afraid your HMO is no longer accepted here. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6065 Mr. uhm...your Majesty, we are making slow...but steady...progress on a cure for mortality. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6066 Thankfully, it's nothing more than a royal flush." 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6067 And since how long have you been experiencing this Britain? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6068 It's about the Crown jewels... 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6069 Excuse me sir, I think the nurse gave you the wrong robe 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6070 I'm not sure if you remember this but you have a rare case of kingzheimers. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6071 Remember, in the health care system, you win or you die. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6072 My diagnosis is undeniably correct, you can't have it your way" 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6073 It's Crohn's disease,not Thrones disease. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6074 It looks like your red blood cell count is dangerously-“ “My WHAT blood cell count? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6075 Unfortunately, are no prescription medications that can stop regicide. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6076 Your Royal Pain in the Arse appears to have multiple causes. Shall I enumerate them so we can discuss possible treatment plans? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6077 You have what we call a Royal Pain 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6078 According to your HDL, PSA, and A1C, you are definitely 'Your Highness.' 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6079 You say you're head has been lying uneasily. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6080 You'll have to drain the moat. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6081 Highness" means something different for you...judging by your pupils 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6082 We are frankly baffled by this royal pain in your ass. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6083 It's urbanest living. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6084 Laying off the blackbird pie didn’t get you under 240, so here’s a referral to Trump’ doctor. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6085 You're OK. It seems that your crown you received is a small rather than the medium you ordered from Amazon. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6086 Looks like the royal decree didn't work... 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6087 I'm afraid what you have is simply a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6088 Looks like you’re on the family plan. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6089 Your Highness is suffering from lowness of blood pressure. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6090 Strange, your EKG spells out "divine right". 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6091 Intriguing Mr. Lard, Clair Fraser is the referring physician? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6092 Exaggerated sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, a thirst for constant and excessive admiration....you're in great shape. What we look for in a King. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6093 Off with your headache! 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6094 YOUR HIGHNESS YOUR REPORTS ARE NOT GOOD BUT I WILL GIVE YOU VIAGRA TO LIVE TILL 100YEARS 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6095 With your permission your highness, I would like to state my medical findings as follows: the king will die, long live the future king. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6096 There's no known cure for too much intermarriage. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6097 I'm sorry, but you have a case of kings and ivy. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6098 Quite simply, Henry, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6099 It’s as I had thought. You are really one royal pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6100 I don’t know what I’d do if they all knelt at once. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6101 I don't care if you are the king. You have the robe on backwards! 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6102 I got the test results back from the lab and I’m afraid I have some bad news. All negative. I’m sorry Phil, but there isn’t a drop of royalty in your blood. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6103 The robe is on backwards. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6104 This next test will be a royal pain ... 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6105 Well, you are a merry old soul, but now coal is dying. 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6106 Your energy level is low because it’s ‘Game of Thrones’ final season. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6107 And how many Whoppers are you eating a day? 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6108 Well, your majesty, with all due respect, the results of the interview suggest that you are definitely old but far from being merry. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6109 No it’s not called the “potentate “. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6110 No more Whoppers for you. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6111 So, how long have you had this royal pain in the butt? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6112 Um,your results are back. Looks like a light case of Midas' touch. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6113 Oh the dementia diagnosis? That’s fake news. #statustrumpsmentalhealth 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6114 I said your feces is FIT for a king! 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6115 I beg your pardon your Majesty you are correct it was a Royal hemorrhoid. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6116 I understand when you say ‘It’s great to be King’ but honestly you need to cut back on the Viagra. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6117 Sorry! It’s a single payer system and the queen won’t sign off. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6118 Your highness, you are allergic to ermine. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6119 It's an occupational affliction, your majesty, commonly known as 'A Pain in the Ass.'" 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6120 I think you are pregnant with dragons. There's a lot of that going around these days. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6121 I'm putting you on a strict diet of turkey legs and mead. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6122 You know, the gown is supposed to be worn with the opening at the back. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6123 I'm afraid you need a new crown. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6124 News are good and bad, Mr Lear. Dr. Cordelia is optimistic. Dr. Goneril and Dr. Regan are not. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6125 And when did you first notice this royal pain in the ass? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6126 You chose the wrong doctor sir, my name is not Neal. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6127 It says here that you are concerned that you are sitting on the throne for too many hours per day. I’ll check, take off your pants and bend over 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6128 holy shit your blood is like pure cholesterol like what the fuck man 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6129 I can see this case ending up in court 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6130 YOUR LEGS ARE TOO SHORT 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6131 Sorry pal,I'm not a real doctor. It's just Halloween. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6132 Sorry, Your Highness, but you've gotta cut out those burgers. Your cholesterol is through the roof! 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6133 If you'd absolutely insist, then, yes, I suppose I'd show Her Majesty how to do it. 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6134 Which would Your Majesty prefer? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6135 I'm sorry, King Wenceslas, but your pancreatic cancer has spread. Even with aggressive treatment, you won't live to the next Feast of Stephen. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6136 I'm afraid you're going to have to remove your clothes. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6137 Is there any reason you call them "The Feast of Stephen'"? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6138 The diagnosis: King’s proctalgia, a royal pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6139 The results show that you're a bigger one than most. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6140 I would caution you not to interpret "royal pain in the ass" too literally... 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6141 You appear to have an iron deficiency in your fist. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6142 Heavy is the head that wears the crown – and the upper torso, and the midsection ... 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6143 Describing every ailment as a 'Royal Pain' is not getting us closer to a diagnosis. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6144 'You say you've been experiencing symptoms of a Royal Flush...?' 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6145 The bad news is that it only lasts 24 hours... 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6146 The good news is, you're aging well. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6147 No, your majesty. I'm afraid replacing this crown will not make you an absolute monarch again,. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6148 I'm afraid it's a royal pain. You might want to try standing up more. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6149 Your blood test came back, it's a perfectly healthy blue. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6150 Your test results indicate that you’re royally screwed. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6151 This diagnosis isn't really fit for a king..... 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6152 I've got some good news and some bad news for you King Midas. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6153 Your tests indicate an allergy to the new clothes. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6154 I'm sorry sir, protocol only allows for paper gowns. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6155 No. I’m sorry. The lab says turquoise maybe, but definitely not blue. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6156 I'm afraid your fictitious... 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6157 Based on these results, hemophilia can be ruled out as a possible diagnosis. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6158 Don't you judge me! i'm my own person! 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6159 You say you raised the drawbridge all by yourself? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6160 Sir, can you be more specific than 'a royal pain?' 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6161 I'm afraid that for this next exam,you will have to remove your crown and bow. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6162 I’ve found the source of the royal pain. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6163 You show signs of frostbite. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6164 With all due respect, your Highness, I cannot reach your prostate with your robe on. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6165 Your Highness, I regret to inform you that you are missing your soul, which may be why your subjects are calling for you to step off of your high horse. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6166 Mr. Greenberg, When I said to wear your most comfy clothes to the physical the other day I meant...... 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6167 How much money are you willing to pay me to proclaim that you are as FIT AS A KING? 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6168 I can gove you a clean bill of Wealth! 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6169 I'm afraid all that droit has finally shattered your seigneur, sir. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6170 So on the feast of Stephen you looked out and suddenly felt deep, and crisp and even? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6171 You really think customers are King, don’t you? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6172 Jack, we don't repair broken crowns. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6173 royal pain in the backside is just an expression... 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6174 You can relax; it's only gout. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6175 It says here that you no longer promote a message that obesity is synonymous with cheerfulness and joviality. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6176 I see, you say you have, or are, a royal pain? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6177 Would you take it in the proper spirit of levity if I described your tumor as a Whopper? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6178 I think you may need a regal exam. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6179 You really should remove the feathers before you eat four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6180 Your results show that you have a Royal Pain in your you-know-what area. 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6181 It's an impressive proclamation, but it won't change my diagnosis. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6182 Not sure the crown and wig makes will make this diagnosis any better... 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6183 Let's just say, you have the blood pressure of a Burger King. 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6184 You have a pain where, Your Royal Highnie? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6185 Apparently, it's a case of altitude sickness, Your Highness. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6186 Okay, fine, it's the gold standard! But I still recommend you stop touching yourself there. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6187 Let's talk about this royal pain in the ass condition 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6188 I'm afraid sometimes this is how it feels to be king. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6189 Well your Majesty, you're allergic to fur and gold. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6190 I recommend a space heater for the castle. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6191 Now, as to whether your raving on the health is a serious medical condition...... 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6192 I’m sorry but you’re not the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6193 Unfortunately, all the tests point to one result, you're a royal pain. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6194 Your cholesterol is probably high because of all the burgers, King. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6195 I'm sorry, but you've got a Stage IV Republic. We'll consolidate power, restrict the media & pilfer the public coffers, but it doesn't look good. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6196 I know it feels like a royal pain in the arse, but it's just a cyst, it'll be gone in a few days. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6197 Your Majesty, I am quite familiar with this royal pain. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6198 I'm sending you to the psych ward, you seem to have ithinkimkingdonitis. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6199 Your Crown disease is irreversible​. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6200 I’ll must say that’s one royal hemorrhoid you’ve got going on. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6201 Well, King Midas, it's not looking good. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6202 Doctor, will you tell me the truth, or do you want me to ask it to a child? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6203 You may be a merry old soul, but you’ll need to make some changes in your diet. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6204 Sir, my diagnosis is that you have the Midas touch. Any questions? 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6205 I'm sorry to tell you this, but - all your horses and men couldn't put Humpty together again. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6206 And now it's time for the Royal prostate exam. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6207 Your hemorrhoids are caused by straining. Perhaps you should sit on the throne more often. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6208 Talk to you lawyer about getting a rider added to your contract: no more burgers and fries. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6209 The time machine store is right around the corner. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6210 Take two Jesters to lunch and call me in the morning. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6211 It seems the Royal prostrate is enlarged 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6212 Yes, but unfortunately the "royal pain" is usually located in the gluteus maximus. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6213 I can also prescribe Off With His Head, but I only like to use that as a last resort. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6214 The MRI results are back and your digestive tract resembles a crowded drive-through lane. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6215 You could take the crown off. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6216 We need to treat your highness blood pressure. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6217 Sorry, Rich, but the tests show it's just a regular pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6218 Well,a royal pain in the tuchus,would be a more polite diagnosis. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6219 I'm afraid the itching is the result of an acute allergy to velvet. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6220 Your condition is treatable, but your insurance doesn’t cover the sovereign remedy. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6221 You want me to write fake note on your chronic condition "emperor has no clothes " so you can keep your current Job 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6222 As your physician I’m telling you laughter is not the best medicine...renew your prescriptions. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6223 I have your DNA results Mr. Thompson. As you can see, a crown and a regal-looking cloak does not in fact make you a king. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6224 A colonoscopy is not used for spying on your subjects.” 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6225 Sorry Crownie, the robe goes on with the opening in the back! 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6226 No, ‘flame broiled’ high cholesterol is still bad. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6227 Yes, we checked - you have a blue blood, but the pressure is too high 1.1803 0.06819 61 54 3 4
6228 So you feel that the butterflies in your stomach have manifested? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6229 Side effects can include nausea, dizziness, and in rare cases, regicide. 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
6230 So, the check you wrote to cover the co-pay bounced. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6231 Your blood work indicates the gold crown is doing a number" 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6232 How much gold did you say is in your vault? 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6233 I'd recommend CBD oil to get the high back in Your Highness. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6234 Looks like a loss of land pressure 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6235 Your insurance doesn't cover a royal pain in the ass. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6236 You're a royal pain in the butt when it comes to a physical examination! 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
6237 I suppose I could call it a royal cold. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6238 Take two pills and sit on your throne. Call the royal astronomer in the morning. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6239 S 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
6240 Remove your crown and give me a heads up or a heads down as to my diagnosis. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6241 If you want to stay merry, forget, your pipe and bowel and make do with your fiddlers three. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6242 Your chart here says you been acting and dressing like a king for 40 years now. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
6243 There is no such disease as Wannabe King Syndrome? 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
6244 Can you just tell me I'm fine? It's been a really stressful week, and I'm not sure Donovan would be a good king if I died... 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
6245 So you say it's a royal pain? 1.1774 0.05874 62 53 7 2
6246 Believe me, I know all about Royal pains in the ass 1.1774 0.05874 62 53 7 2
6247 Dear God to make a precise diagnostic of your disease we should check your wife too. 1.1774 0.06308 62 54 5 3
6248 No, I am not your new jester. 1.1774 0.05874 62 53 7 2
6249 I think these are signs of reignal failure. 1.1774 0.06308 62 54 5 3
6250 It’s looking a little periwinkle to me. 1.1774 0.05874 62 53 7 2
6251 Not royals, boils. 1.1774 0.04891 62 51 11 0
6252 Old King Cole might have a merry old soul, but it feels like he has prostates three. 1.1774 0.05405 62 52 9 1
6253 Let's cut to the chase. Who wins the Iron Throne? 1.1774 0.06308 62 54 5 3
6254 Apparently, Whopper, fries and shake daily is not healthy. 1.1765 0.05904 68 59 6 3
6255 I'm afraid being a merry old soul won't lower your cholesterol. 1.1765 0.05520 68 58 8 2
6256 Well I'll tell you, Ole King Cole. I think we have a misdiagnosed ailment here. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
6257 I’m sorry, but these cholesterol numbers are indicating that your Whopper eating days are over. 1.1746 0.05326 63 53 9 1
6258 I really don't have blue blood"? Joe Pitts, Washington, D 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
6259 Your cholesterol is high—I suggest you lay off the margarine. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
6260 Your not wearing anything under that robe are you Mr ...Sire? 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
6261 I’m very sorry your majesty but your heinous-care doesn’t cover any of these tests. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
6262 Your crown is too heavy, try a lighter model. 1.1719 0.05702 64 55 7 2
6263 It appears you have a royal pain in the neck. 1.1719 0.05249 64 54 9 1
6264 A royal pain in the ass? No, I don't think I have any medication for that. 1.1719 0.04753 64 53 11 0
6265 Itch at crown of head due to a growing plebiscite. 1.1719 0.05702 64 55 7 2
6266 Your crown looks fine to me, King Jack. But how’s Jill doing? You say she went tumbling after? 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
6267 You should of been taking better care of yourself a long, long time ago. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6268 It's all about the way you dress 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6269 Toxicology couldn't confirm poison, but I think we should heir on the side of caution, don't you? 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6270 I'll be the one giving 'tests of strength' around here. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6271 I'm afraid it is policy that you where the paper examination gown! 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6272 You got to ease-up on the mayo 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6273 When did you first become aware that everything you touched turned to gold? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6274 ... You have "Thrones" 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6275 You really should cut back on your mead consumption. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6276 So you say you have a receding heir line... 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6277 You've got to stop eating pies containing four and twenty blackbirds, your highness. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6278 No your Grace, there is nothing I can do medically for an accute case of Brexit. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6279 I'm sorry, there's no cure for 'royal pain in the rear.' 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6280 Well, Your Highness this visit appears to be blood pressure. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6281 In medical terms, you have an inflamation of the neck, and it's likely being exacerbated by the weight of the crown on your head. A real 'royal pain' as it were. That will be $60,000. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6282 Should I address the note to Her Majesty or your HR department? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6283 As your proctologist, Fred, I can assure you I know a royal pain in the ass when I see one. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6284 Why are you here in the US? Don't you have a health care system in the UK? Or have you been talking to Mick Jagger? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6285 Why doctors get sued: “Whopper it may certainly be, prostate big-C you’re surely free!“ 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6286 I’m sorry, Rex. Regina was right: this gout diagnosis has gone to your head. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6287 I'm afraid you'll have to speak to one of your knights--Sir Jury. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6288 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ROYAL PAIN 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6289 The bowl and fiddlers will be fine, but you're going to have to give up the pipe! 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6290 It'll wear off in a couple of hours, your highness. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6291 Apparently, the only thing wrong with you is you are a royal pain in my ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6292 If you had a healthier diet, you might live to be 200. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6293 - Lear? - House? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6294 Scepter spincter 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6295 Good news...given your exulted position, you're above all medical conditions! 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6296 How long have you felt this tingling when you touch things? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6297 Sorry, George; my liege, today, is a furlike creature who hops and keeps my kids busy with chocolate. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6298 Well, it's official. You're 'King for a Day.' 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6299 Well, it seems the Court Jester of Hemorrhoids is causing your Royal pain in the as 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6300 The results confirm you are a royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6301 Who is your insurance carrier? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6302 Is there any history of obesity in your family besides your brother Kris? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6303 You think YOUR dignity was assaulted! 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6304 It seems you're allergic to ermine. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6305 `We still need to work on those Midas Touch numbers.' 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6306 Did you need to dress up that way for your prostate exam ? This makes me feel uncomfortable. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6307 I've already told you five times, Henry, I can't prescribe you a divorce. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6308 I'm afraid our only option is a coronectomy. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6309 You don’t have much time left...better invade now 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6310 Ok, Old King Cole, this anxiety prescription will enable you to call for your pipe and call for your bowl whenever you want. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6311 Let me get this straight, you're here and the King is at the North Pole? 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6312 Your sleeping problems would be resolved if you would only take my advise and invest in a King Sized bed. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6313 I see you’ve indicated as never having had a bowel movement. 1.1695 0.06903 59 53 2 4
6314 A royal pain in the ass,you say? 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6315 It's your fists. I'm afraid they've turned to iron. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6316 You wrote this press release BEFORE the test results were back and you want it released as is ....Ahhh 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6317 I see there's a history of royal pain in your family. This is easily treatable. Eliminate all outdated institutions from your routine and check back in 3 months. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6318 your tests tell us that you should be a florist instead of king. 1.1695 0.06903 59 53 2 4
6319 I hate to tell you this , but it looks like a very BAD case of GOOD King Wenceslas 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6320 Would you consider a standing throne? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6321 One is having trouble with number two you say? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6322 Perhaps you have what’s termed a royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6323 It all points to your very heavy head. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6324 Emperor, despite what your disgruntled subjects claim, you do have very nice clothes. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6325 I am sorry, but the referral is not covered by your insurance plan 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6326 It's not good, but you're still fit for a king. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6327 I see you’ve brought your own robe again. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6328 Well, they tried to put me together again, but... 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6329 I see here that you are complaining of a Royal pain in the butt. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6330 Sorry, Old King Cole, you can keep the three fiddlers, but you’re going to have to eliminate the pipe and the bowl. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6331 So you’re saying, none of your horses and none of your men could put him back together again? Tragic. I can see why you’re losing sleep, I’ll prescribe a sedative.” 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6332 Apparently, you have a royal pain in your ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6333 Your blood work came back fine-- please continue to be a merry old soul. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6334 Good news...Bad news. It's covered by your insurance, but this procedure is a Royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6335 Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got to reign? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6336 You do know that your blood really isn't blue,do you? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6337 I'm afraid your insurance won't cover that procedure. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6338 You misheard me. I didn't say you are important. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6339 Seems both your Chicken Fries and your carcinoma have returned. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6340 Oh, the good news is for me--everything you touch turns to gold! 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6341 I'll refer you to a proctologist who specializes in treating a royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6342 It appears your right realm has developed a fatal oligarchy. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6343 I'm sorry to tell you that your lab results show that you have Royal Blood. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6344 Hate to tell you, but the crown pinches your head severely ! 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6345 The DNA tests are in. You are not the rightful king, you're Santa Claus. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6346 We have no treatment for you being a royal pain. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6347 Your Majesty, I must insist that you disrobe" 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6348 You’ll have no progeny...sire 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6349 The reindeer think you are losing it " 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6350 Your highness, just because you are king does NOT make you the fittest in the land! 1.1695 0.06903 59 53 2 4
6351 I have no record of you since you refuse to disrobe. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6352 Yes, I know. They can be a royal pain in your highness. 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
6353 I'm afraid you have a very bad case of the royal wheeze. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6354 So you’re experiencing a royal pain in the what? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6355 Unfortunately your highness, sitting on the Royal Throne is no substitute for spending regular time on the Royal toilet. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6356 Just dressing like a King does not give you the office!! Bud Stuart 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6357 "It's a royal pain. Lose the cap." 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6358 Your majesty! Please, hold on! I am looking for my CV to give you to be hired as a kingdom doctor. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6359 For the last time it's Colon Cancer not Colonial Cancer. Please stop calling my staff "traitors" and don't forget your Oxycontin refill. See you in a month! 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6360 And this royal pain you mention, is it anywhere other than your buttocks? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6361 Defeet 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6362 As we feared, it’s a royal pain—and it’s hereditary. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6363 Your blood work indicates that you have a hereditary….position. Psych! 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6364 I see you've gotten a Prince Albert since we last spoke 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6365 You must be KINGing me... Your cholesterol is through the roof! 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6366 I understand that you are allergic to fur? 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6367 (Air Bubble) This patient is one Royal pain the the butt! 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6368 The test results are in. I'm afraid your pain has progressed to "royal." 1.1695 0.06903 59 53 2 4
6369 Well, we cured the syphilis but not the Midas touch so you only owe me $14million. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6370 This lab report says you suffer from Old King Cole's syndrome 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6371 Your tests are pretty conclusive. You’re a royal pain. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6372 I think we need to check your royal blood line. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6373 Unfortunately, , Your Majesty, you can't have it your way this time. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6374 I'd really like to see fewer roasted turkey legs in your diet. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6375 Let's check the weight. Shoes on, crown off. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6376 It seems that you're not that for a king. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6377 I'm sorry, sire, there's not much I can for chronic unrest. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6378 Child Services requires me to ask, what did you do with the two kids under your robe always clinging to your legs? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6379 I suspect your hemorrhoids come from spending too much time on the throne. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6380 Aside from the obvious, any unusual symptoms? 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
6381 You'll make it to the end of the year as long as you stay away from reindeer. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6382 I'm sorry your Majesty, but it appears there was not one, but FIVE differt types of poison in your system. I guess it's to be expected with quintuplet heirs to the throne. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6383 Well Mr Cole, I suggest you see a podiatrist. Your sole is merry,but it’s old. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6384 This emperor has no malady 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6385 I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but for your exam, you’re going to have to wear the same ridiculous hospital gown that everyone else does. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6386 Your new prescription will be what us professionals call... "Fiddlers three''. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6387 Diagnosis: Your coat's too loose and your crown is too small. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6388 You should be wearing the gown the other way around. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6389 You won't have to tax more G lands for now... 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6390 'Sorry your highness, we've ruled out the Black Plague.' 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6391 Its sort of like what King Midas had except instead of 'touch' its sleep with and instead of 'gold' they turn into someone who also has the clap 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6392 It's crown's syndrome but your brother is going to fix that. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6393 Well, your soul is still merry, you haven't lost the touch, but your left knee is shot. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6394 Well, you can keep your fiddlers three. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6395 The Royal Pain again? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6396 I've found the cause of your fainting spells -- you have desPOT syndrome. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6397 I'm afraid it's thronebocytopenia ! 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6398 I'm afraid that Dr. Robespierre suggests some rather radical surgery. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6399 The tests are conclusive. It’s a royal pain, 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6400 So, you want to get a second opinion? OK--you're also a Royal Pain..." 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6401 I am sorry to say that the tests are conclusive; it's genetic 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6402 Does beheading run in your family? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6403 Why don't you try veggie burgers? 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6404 Honestly, your Majesty, there’s not much I can tell you if you’re not willing to put off your ermine. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6405 You seem to have a touch of the GOLD" 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6406 well, it appears your aide was right.....you ARE only a man..... 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6407 OK, I'll turn the thermostat up... 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6408 You should lay off fast food. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6409 I'm afraid this diagnosis is a whopper. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6410 Time for a colonoscopy, Your Highness. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6411 Let’s go ahead and schedule your beheading after the colostomy. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6412 It’s nothing serious. Just a little touch of gold ... 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6413 All tests seem to indicate that you've got a royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6414 Thank you very much for explaining what Royal pain in the ass feels like. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6415 I am sorry your highness but Royalty is not a disease but it is genetic. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6416 Do the hemorrhoids affect how you're treating other people? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6417 So, tell me a bit more about this "royal pain". 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6418 The good news is that it's just a kidney stone. We may, however, have some difficulty trying to remove the sword. Would you mind if we bring in some interns to observe? 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
6419 Sometimes, it’s not good to be the King. 1.1695 0.06903 59 53 2 4
6420 Well, you're right - it's a royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6421 This letter from the Queen says you're a royal pain in the you know what. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6422 Your Majesty, a medical gown would be helpful. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6423 You say you’re “Old King Cole with a merry old cold? 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6424 Now that's what I call a royal pain. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6425 Sorry, checkers is too strenuous. Try chess, one step at a time. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6426 No,they don't medically when your told "you royal pain in the ass". 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6427 It looks like you are suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6428 I’m afraid you have a bad case of debauchery. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6429 How’s your pain on a scale from 1 to royal? 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6430 Sire, your labs indicate you are suffering from hyperthermia. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6431 Well your royal highness you are suffering from regal coladeralism Take a two year sabbatical and then call me. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6432 Your Royal Highness, we confirmed Ancestry.com' s results. The late king was not your father. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6433 You'll have to cut out the pipe and the bowl, but the fiddlers are OK in moderation. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6434 King of the North, you say? 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6435 Royalty or noth 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6436 Oh oh. Your blood is no longer royal. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6437 You’re deductible is 500 gold pieces 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6438 Well your "Impossible Whopper" came just in time... 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6439 Here it is. Sorry-- no last name. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
6440 To be frank, your organs are a royal mess. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6441 Indications are, you’re a nincompoop. 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
6442 In these revolutionary times your purple corpuscle count is not what it should be. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
6443 You told me I need a crown. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
6444 Sorry, Old King Cole, but you are too old for Medicare. 1.1692 0.05174 65 55 9 1
6445 In my opinion, this seems to be a royal pain in the ass. 1.1692 0.05174 65 55 9 1
6446 Fiddlers are fine but cut the pipe and bowl 1.1692 0.05620 65 56 7 2
6447 I strongly recommend you become the salad king. 1.1667 0.06363 60 53 4 3
6448 It seems like you were born as a god 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
6449 You were extremely noble to trudge through the frozen snow to make a path for your faithful page, Wenceslas, but I’m afraid we had to take off your frostbitten toes. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
6450 No, your highness, in reference to your LDL Cholesterol. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
6451 I'm referring you to a psychiatrist. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
6452 No, it's not a 'Royal Flush.' It's called a prostate exam. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6453 Sir, medically your false beliefs are delusions, which are psychotic symptoms. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6454 Sorry. I wasn't trained to treat that kind of royal pain in the ass. 1.1667 0.06363 60 53 4 3
6455 If you’ve been calling repeatedly for a pipe, bowl and fiddlers three, not to worry. You’re just a merry old soul. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
6456 Well, your Highness, your lipid levels are definitely elevated. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6457 If this disease kills you, I'll make damn sure you're dead. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6458 I can cure you,but it will take a Kings ransom. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6459 Well, after this news, I hope you're still a merry old soul. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6460 No retirement for you. You will have to spend more time on the throne before this procedure. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6461 Well, I've renewed your prescription for Nicodrex, Bowlophrene and Trifiddleris, so you should be feeling merry again soon. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
6462 Clearly, you're in much better shape without that sword in your head. 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
6463 You’re DNA results show you to be related to the beggar Bartimeus and a continual line of miscreants; I suggest you lose the crown, but keep the rat-eaten robe; it defines you. 1.1639 0.05321 61 52 8 1
6464 The tests show you have gonerilreagan disease. Take the course of cornelia tablets I'm prescribing and you'll feel much better. 1.1639 0.05321 61 52 8 1
6465 Looks like you'll need to abdicate, Sire!! 1.1639 0.05811 61 53 6 2
6466 I’m afraid you’re you’ve developed an ermine intolerance your Highness 1.1639 0.05321 61 52 8 1
6467 I'm afraid the next procedure is literally a royal pain-in-the-butt. 1.1639 0.05321 61 52 8 1
6468 Diagnosis? It says you're a royal pain in the ass. 1.1618 0.05780 68 60 5 3
6469 Your heart contains no traces of gold, but an abundant amount of plaque build up. 1.1613 0.05723 62 54 6 2
6470 Try cutting down on the butter on your royal slice of bread. 1.1613 0.05723 62 54 6 2
6471 You say you feel headless...I find that hard to believe King Henry 1.1613 0.05241 62 53 8 1
6472 The final analysis is that you have a trump complex. 1.1613 0.05241 62 53 8 1
6473 Step forward, Your Majesty, and I'll check you. 1.1613 0.05241 62 53 8 1
6474 I'm afraid we have a full house of kings. Have you thought of trying the Santa Claus route?" 1.1613 0.05241 62 53 8 1
6475 Have you told your partner? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6476 I think we'll just con tinue the mdication. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6477 I don't do leeches. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6478 You should start preparing your will. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6479 You've got one royal case of the Gout. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6480 Your royal pain causes you to spend a lot of time on the throne because of your blue blood. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6481 Sorry, but it looks like your merry old soul is non-renewable 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6482 You are suffering from twitteritis. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6483 Sorry, the DNA report doesn’t suggest that you’re descended from King Arthur...seems you’re 100% delusional! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6484 Actually Your Majesty, it says right here that you really are a horse’s ass. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6485 Can you show me where this "royal pain" is affecting you? 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6486 Might you have had physical contact of a sexual nature with either the Jack or the Queen? 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6487 A little more listening to the fiddlers three & lay off the pipe & bowl completely. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6488 OK,Good King Wenceslas, look out! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6489 I would like to ask you to be Hand of the King! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6490 You have the king's disease. Look at your ankles. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6491 I'm sorry, you've lost your Midas Touch. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6492 Can't you just pretend you eat 100% beef? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6493 Let me get this straight... you weigh 260 lbs., but you want a proclamation hailing your weight as a very healthy 190 and due to great genes you could live to be 200 years old? 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6494 Well, Leopold, I'm sorry to break it to you. Have you ever heard of Hemophilia? 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6495 I'll write you a script for a specialist. Spinning these economic numbers is far beyond my expertise. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6496 Let's start with trying a larger bed. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6497 You've been served 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6498 My diagnosis is that you have , A royal Pain in the ass 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6499 A second rectal examine is not necessary Mr. King. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6500 I’m really not the guy to negotiate a Medicare plan for your kingdom. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6501 But how does the mustache make you FEEL? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6502 Well, Midas, the results of your stool studies confirm that your 'touch' has become quite localized. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6503 I think we'll be able to help you with your royal pain in the ass. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6504 Although the lab results say 'King of Pain' prognosis is the easiest to predict,unfortunately it also may become chronic at your advanced age." 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6505 The king is dead. Long live the king. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6506 I think we’ve figured out why you can’t sleep. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6507 Diet is your problem. I recommend that you have someone feed you. Apparently, everything you touch turns to gold . 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6508 Hmmm....apparently you have a royal pain in the arse for which, in your case, there is no cure...... 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6509 You may be the "King Of The Castle" at home but based on these lab results you're the "Bottom Of The Barrel" here at St. MercyMeOhMy Medical Center. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6510 Your chart shows chronic headache and extremely high temperature. We suggest you renounce." 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6511 I think I see what’s causing the heaviness in the head. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6512 This is all moot since you're getting the guillotine treatment tomorrow. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6513 How much is the co-pay for a colonoscopy? 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6514 Yup, it's chlamydia. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6515 The tests are inconclusive. It's either gout or a touch of "Midas." Depending on your medical plan, I'm leaning towards the Midas. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6516 It’s time to lay off the flame-broiled hamberders. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6517 The reports says, it's indeed a royal pain, but it's not worth treating. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6518 When your wife said you were a royal pain, I think you might have taken it just a bit too far. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6519 Now if you will just remove your robe, I have to see your new suit. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6520 It appears that the 'disease of kings' has gone to your head. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6521 Well the good news is, it's not the plague. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6522 I'll check to see if Medicare covers King-itis. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6523 You did WHAT with the royal jelly? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6524 Your blue blood is turning ted 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6525 I am going to have to vaccinate you, it looks like this insurrection is contagious. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6526 For that I'll have to send you to a proctologist. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6527 Hemorrhoids certainly are a royal pain in the ass. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6528 No, I don’t mind repeating this to the Media, but you misspelled “extraordinary”... you nailed “physical strength and stamina,” though... 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6529 Any symptoms other than a “royal pain in the ass”? 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6530 Your highness, in summary, you will need to cut down from two scoops to one. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
6531 So you’d describe it as a royal pain in the what now? 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6532 Your Highness is too great! Your blood pressure’s highness, that is. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6533 I realize you are a blue blood, but it won't help you over come this illness. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6534 Your ...Highness, I can not travel backwards in time to Camelot to serve as your personal physician. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6535 Im glad you report being merry but you’ve got to cut out calling for your pipe whatever’s in that bowl. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6536 You're going to have to lay off the Whoppers 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6537 Well, you're no Burger Prince any more - we'll have to watch that cholesterol. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6538 I am your doctor, not a joker. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6539 Royally screwed" is a little crass. More like the reigning monarch of inoperable bowel cancer 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6540 And yes, I have a royal migraine. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6541 An Iron Throne would be hell on those hemorrhoids. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6542 All your test came out fine - but it seems that you have a medieval body. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6543 The Whopper is not the only thing you can eat. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6544 I don't think that we can put in gold stents. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6545 The robe and crown are gifts from our brand partner. I'm supposed to remind you the new season of Game of Thrones starts Sunday. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6546 According to these notes, you have incredibly good genes and might live to be 200. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
6547 King Midas, it says here I am the only proctologist in town that hasn’t turned you down? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6548 It says here you used to be a merry old soul 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6549 Don't worry about the ancestry stuff. At the end of the day we're all mutts." 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6550 You're not the first king I've worked with showing up with an allergic reaction to ermine. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
6551 As your proctologist, I' must say your Royal Highness is in great condition. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
6552 Quit smoking, and cut back to half a bowl and fiddlers two at most. 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
6553 It's a lovely gown, your grace, but it will have to come off before I can do your physical. 1.1587 0.05637 63 55 6 2
6554 Neurosyphilis is quite treatable. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6555 I'm sorry to have to tell you this, OH WAIT NO I'M NOT. Your going to die pull back my freakin taxes 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6556 Sorry sir looks like you have to take a day off of work. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6557 Sir your crowning! 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6558 This is turning into a royal pain. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
6559 We" don't have to change our eating habits, your highness. You d 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6560 The New Yorker's cartoons are increasingly lacking creativity and humorous punch. What can YOU bring to the operating table? 1.1579 0.06986 57 52 1 4
6561 I don't really know how to treat the "King of all" tummy aches. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6562 I know it’s chilly here, but nonetheless, the standard open-back hospital gown is mandatory for all - without exception. 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6563 Here's the good news, it's a good thing you didn't cut Medicare! 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
6564 Did you just fart, Sire? 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6565 I would suggest you start eating at What-a-Burger. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
6566 I'm afraid this treatment will cost a king's ransom. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6567 What do you want me to say, that your colon is in a "royal" condition? 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
6568 The results of your colonoscopy are here and Your Highness is fine. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6569 I looked at your crownary angiogram and it appears you’ll have to cut down on the royal feasts. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6570 Your blood has turned purple ! 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6571 I am very sorry to inform you, Your Majesty, sir, that to pay this bill for your treatment, it's going to take a king's ransom. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
6572 King Lion: Any Sure medicine for my illness, Doctor? "Of course, Your Highness... (Murmuring) I'm afraid that you will eat me first If that's not only medicine but also pure Vegetarian Diet for Life" 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6573 You're not the king of everything. 1.1579 0.06986 57 52 1 4
6574 'Well, it's not gout or hemophilia.' 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6575 Doctor : What do the reports say? How is my health? How much more time do I have... 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6576 Sé muy bien que lugar me reserva la historia.” 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6577 You are missing your fiddlers three. Have you thought about accountancy? 1.1579 0.06522 57 51 3 3
6578 Huh, you've been diagnosed with the condition "royal pain in the ass." 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
6579 The results are back. You’ve got tetanus from that second hand Iron Throne, your highness. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
6580 For the back pain I would suggest using a chair with better lumbar support. 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
6581 According to your lab results, you don't have a royal blood line. 1.1562 0.05554 64 56 6 2
6582 Sorry your highness but your plant based whopper is terminal. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6583 Lose the crown before you jump on the scale. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6584 Burger King? More like Cholesterol King. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6585 No, bloodletting is not an option. 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
6586 On the bright side my liege, we can rule out cancer. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6587 Your Majesty, diversity would explain this rare case: it's the foreign red cells that are making your blood purple. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6588 Sorry Papa Noel, you've been on your last sleigh ride. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6589 You have what some in the medical world call 'the golden touch' King Midas. It's highly contagious, and I'm now quite worried about my receptionist. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6590 I 'd gladly share the results of your physical with Merlin if I knew how to get them to him. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6591 Good news Your Highness the Royal Goose was fit for a king. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6592 Sorry but medical marijuana remains illegal in this state. And I strongly advise giving up smoking tobacco. If you’re no longer feeling jolly, perhaps a prescription for antidepressants will do the trick. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6593 Open your mouth and say "merry old soul." 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6594 How long have you been cross-dressing? Christa Dodd, Danville CA 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
6595 I’m seeing a lot of GOT Syndrome lately. It will pass in a couple of months, and you’ll start feeling better. Just be glad you don’t have LOST syndrome. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6596 To say you have ED would be optimistic. 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
6597 Well, I’m mostly concerned with your high ermine count. 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
6598 Not quite what I meant by everything but the robe. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6599 Good to see you again, Emperor. The new gown is a winner, but it needs to be open in the back for this to really work. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6600 Frankly, sire, I'm not sure how you are alive 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6601 You have cancer 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6602 Well what did you expect your numbers would be as you're always adding more patties to your burgers? 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6603 Your cholesterol is way up. I suggest you try eating those Impossible Whoppers I've heard so much about. 1.1552 0.04796 58 49 9 0
6604 uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, get thyself a hat instead 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6605 Don’t worry. It only takes ten minutes and you will be sedated 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6606 If you take off your robe, you wouldn't feel so warm. 1.1552 0.04796 58 49 9 0
6607 Will you rid me of this meddlesome yeast.. infection. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6608 Not the reaction I expected, but I'm happy to see positive affirmations are working for you. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6609 I think you misunderstood. The report said COLITUS. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6610 It's terminal. Just divide up the kingdom between your three daughters and ease on down the road. John Hauge 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
6611 It says here, "Read the writing on the wall." 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6612 Well, apart from the fact that you are old ... 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6613 So Mr. Jensen, your chart shows that you are due for a prostate exam. Could you please remove your robe. You can keep your crown on. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6614 So, you're saying the hemorrhoids are a real "royal pain in the butt"? 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6615 I didn’t ask you to take off your clothes. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6616 So, you have a royal pain in the — what?! 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6617 Yes your highness, "men over 40" includes royalty. I promise it won't hurt. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6618 I'm afraid I have a King Size whopper of a bill for you. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6619 Four and twenty ..what.. were baked in the pie? 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6620 Actually, this particular delusion of grandeur is quite common, Duke Swiggenbotham. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6621 Time to cut back on the Whoppers your Royal Highness. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6622 I couldn’t get to the bottom of your problem, Your Highness, but I can tell you that, ‘All’s well that ends well.’ 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
6623 I wish these lab results were a nothing burger. But unfortunately, they're a real whopper. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6624 Sorry, but I've recently gone out-of-network. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6625 I understand your concern, but the test results indicate a regular pain in the ass. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6626 Unfortunately, your tumor is large enough that it should be wearing the crown. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6627 I fear, Your Highness, the food pyramid recommends no more than two and twenty per day. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6628 We know your small, But your still king size 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6629 As I said last year, you've got to get your cholesterol down. I promise no one expects you to take "Your Highness" so literally. 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6630 Your Royal bloodline is confirmed!!! 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
6631 The King Must Die... You can reach immortality by combating heart disease beat by beat. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6632 I’m apologize. Please disrobe...your highness 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
6633 No we're not giving out candy this year we're out of town. 1.1538 0.05015 65 56 8 1
6634 It seems you have king's disease, lay off the beer and steak 1.1538 0.05473 65 57 6 2
6635 That's not what I was referring to but you'll need all the aides you can get your majesty 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6636 Ummm....royal pain in the a**? 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6637 Sorry your highness, but it’s a violation of hospital policy to only use royal blood for transfusions. 1.1525 0.06310 59 53 3 3
6638 For better health, I command you to stay away from fatty foods! 1.1525 0.06310 59 53 3 3
6639 Well, King Midas, I strongly suggest you don't touch anything until the anti-golden touch medication takes effect. 1.1525 0.06310 59 53 3 3
6640 To be honest, I'm not sick, I just needed to hideout for a few days. This war stuff is tough! 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6641 Either way, all I can say is ... long live the King. 1.1525 0.06310 59 53 3 3
6642 You look rect... I mean *regal* today, Your Majesty 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6643 I'm surprised we could fit you in. It seems my 3 o'clock was sentenced forty minutes dungeon. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6644 We may have to call the heir... 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6645 I see here on your chart that you can get two double cheeseburgers for $3. 1.1525 0.06310 59 53 3 3
6646 I'm afraid it's a rather rare hereditary condition that has been know to be fatal at times. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6647 Do you want the good news or the bad first? Bad first please. You have stage four pancreatic cancer. The good is that you are still the "King." 1.1525 0.06310 59 53 3 3
6648 I’m sorry, but you appear to be an Ass. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6649 Says here it's just a commoner pain in the ass. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6650 MY results confirm that you're a royal pain in my ass. You just have gout. Again. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6651 You're claiming for insurance purposes that you have royal blood,but your 23andMe results say otherwise.... 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6652 That may be true. But your chart is it’s own Whopper. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6653 Before we start, it seems you owe the hire company $410. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6654 It's a lower end problem, your Highness...... 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6655 Sorry, King. You will need to cut the Whopper from your diet. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6656 On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your royal pain? 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6657 Yes, I know it's good to be King. But I still recommend a DRE. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6658 The good news is you definitely to have clothes, Emporer. The bad news is there's nothing underneath." 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6659 I suppose your cholesterol could be higher for someone who calls themselves the "Burger King" 1.1525 0.04721 59 50 9 0
6660 The bad news is your insurance doesn't cover arthritis from waving to the crowds. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6661 You’ve got a royal case of hemorrhoids. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6662 I'm sorry but the tests show that you have no royal blood in you at all. In fact, you are highly allergic to ermine, which would explain the headaches-or maybe your crown is too tight. Or both. Either way, a change in lifestyle is mandated. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6663 So you were Santa Claus last night and you woke up a king? Yes, a day of Christmas could cause multiple personalities. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6664 Just to be safe, I'm referring you to Proctology. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6665 Something to cure your highness. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6666 I have a new product here which might make your head lie easier. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6667 I'm afraid my suspicion was right. You ARE the king of maladies. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6668 We're going to have to figure out this weight loss or you have no chance of balancing the budget. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
6669 Your plan of splitting your kingdom into time-shares may be affecting your health 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6670 Do you still want me to refer to you as your royal highness? 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6671 Your reign is threatened by a revolt in your peripheral white cells. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
6672 So you're experiencing pain in your buttocks? 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
6673 Well first of all you shouldn’t have kicked Cordelia out of your will, you senile old fuck 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
6674 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. 1.1500 0.05737 60 53 5 2
6675 So tell again. You sat on the Iron Throne and what happened? 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
6676 You want to attach an iron fist where? 1.1500 0.06210 60 54 3 3
6677 _Being_ one is different from _having_ one, Your Majesty. 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
6678 Just stop watching Thrones and you'll be fine. 1.1500 0.05737 60 53 5 2
6679 Your pipes,your bowls, and your fiddlers three are not the recommend regime for lowering your LDL levels. 1.1500 0.06210 60 54 3 3
6680 This is astounding! You say you are 235 years old and live on a diet of porcupine piglets and peacock pie. We couldn't find your kingdom on Google. Would you be available to be the keynote speaker at the American Society of Gerontology. 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
6681 I think you've been having too many burgers. 1.1500 0.06649 60 55 1 4
6682 Humpty fell,but honestly it's not contagious. 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
6683 The best we could come up with is a royal pain in the posterior region. 1.1500 0.05737 60 53 5 2
6684 So you said you're having a problem with your Royal Hiney? 1.1500 0.05737 60 53 5 2
6685 Now we need to check your potentate gland. 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
6686 Why does the Fake News Media despise me so? 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
6687 Burger King reaps a wealth of benefits over Fallen Arches. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6688 Your king box is missing its cookie. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6689 Sorry,but there's no cure for a royal palace n in the ass. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6690 I'm sorry Lear but a two week course of antibiotics will have no affect on an ungrateful daughter 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6691 Have you been taking your vitamins? Your heir is growing thin. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6692 I'm afraid you'll only be king for a day, Your Majesty. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6693 I'm sorry. Your insurance doesn't cover the royal treatment. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6694 Take your medication and join the others pacients. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6695 Nothing to worry about. You just have what we call a royal pain on the ass. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6696 I've found the cause of your wind, sir. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6697 Do you want the great news or the even greater news, Your Majesty? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6698 Your reign has been rejected by your insurance carrier so you'll have to pay by cash only. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6699 Dick cancer is a serious disease it will not make your "cock look king-sized". 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6700 As you're familiar Your Majesty, this check-up will be a Kingly sum! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6701 I'm afraid the DNA shows your great- great- grandfather was actually a cabbage. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6702 ‘’You’re a little late, but I can give you a price break. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6703 I have been all a-twitter and think it could be a bad heart or a missing one 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6704 There's no pain like a royal pain. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6705 It's just a case of the sniffles my liege. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6706 That merry old sole is called gout my friend. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6707 No. I told you last week. The only time you can take more than one step is when you’re castling. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6708 You have hemorrhoids...very common from sitting on the "throne" for long periods of time. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6709 The good news is that you're in perfect shape. The bad news is that your DNA shows that you're not of the Royal Family. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6710 I wouldn’t call it ‘dethroning,’ but when the hemorrhoids are this bad... 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6711 I am serious you can't just keep saying "just cause she's an Old Maid!" 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6712 Next time wait the full four hours before coming to see me, OK? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6713 ‘Just as I suspected, your highness — gout. On the bright side, it IS the king of doseases’ 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6714 I am going to prescribe four and twenty blackbirds, baked in a pie. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6715 I'm sorry, but it doesn't appear to be gout. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6716 I think you’ve got a throne caught in you foot. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6717 ..So your complaint was you don't feel so good being a king?" "Yes. i'm a burger king 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6718 Unfortunately, this is the royal diagnosis. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6719 I found the source of your royal pain. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6720 They let anyone run a kingdom these days. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6721 I don’t care your your mother is, I’m not giving you Xanax. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6722 You note a royal pain in the ass? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6723 You really need to reign in your cholesterol levels. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6724 I hate to tell you but you have a royally big problem. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
6725 Your lifestyle looks perfect except for the pipe. See you next year, and stay merry! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6726 It’s your castle. It’s much too drafty! 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6727 Your prostate is almost as large as your kingdom! 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6728 Stay away from ermine. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6729 Exceeding two goblets of wine a night might explain the enlarged ego. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6730 I see you've recently experienced an acute coronation event. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6731 Yes your majesty! Hemarrhoids are a royal pain in the ass! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6732 So bad news King Bob. Besides for your unfortunate name as a monarch, the tests show no royal blood. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6733 I know it’s not easy being the standard bearer for those creeps. A heart transplant should do it. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6734 When you play the game of cholesterol, you win or you die. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6735 And was it your mother or father who had blue blood? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6736 I know Game of Thrones is over but there must be something else for you to do now. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6737 Sorry, Good King Wenceslas looks bad. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6738 I know you are heir-minded, your Majesty, but you are not heir-conditioned.” (Old joke, not original 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
6739 I am happy to announce the President of the United States is in very good health and I anticipate he will remain so for the duration of his Presidency, and beyond, 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6740 No, your Grace, you aren’t eligible for Medicare, and the surgery will bankrupt the treasury. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6741 Pretty obvious. The King's throne is splitting the King's ass. Get off your tush and get some exercise. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6742 How many times do I need to tell you, drinking blue ink won't change the colour of your blood! 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6743 Besides high blood pressure, is there anything else you’d like to discuss? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6744 Yes, being in Game of Thrones is something to be proud of, but... 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6745 I'm afraid a pain in the ass just comes with the title. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6746 I'd ask you to unrobe, but then you'd have no clothes. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6747 I see you've taken my advice. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6748 Charles,my diagnosis is hallucinations, you'll never be king. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6749 I apologize for the confusion; the message we left was not "we've determined you're important." 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6750 Umm no your majesty, your royal blood does not make your colon cancer less severe. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6751 ...but you can keep your fiddlers three! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6752 Well, gout is considered the king of diseases. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6753 You know, Charles, you're what we call in medicine a royal pain in the ass. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6754 Thanks for letting me know my best years in medicine are still 20 years away. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6755 Yes, I know it is 'the disease of kings,' but I assure you, Your Highness, you do not have the gout. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6756 I see they spared no expense with the luxury hospital gowns. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6757 You've got measles. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6758 So, the accident happened when you were driving your Tudor Royale. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6759 According to where the “X” is marked , the family jewels should be hidden right under your nose. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6760 Test results show you do have a Royal Pain in your benind 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6761 You can still have the bowl and fiddlers three, but you need to cut the pipe out--no more smoking. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6762 So you are the original royal pain in the ass. Wow. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
6763 However good it is to be king, your royal triglycerides are still running a bit high. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6764 Test results are back. You are not His Highness. The crown and robe stay here. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6765 Please don't get cute with me, your majesty. Take off the bathrobe. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6766 Midas, you have a $55 co-pay and we don't accept gold, so I'm going to just put this in your pocket. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6767 I'm a method actor. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6768 I've always to be just like you, King, but after going through your checkup, I don't want to be anything like you at all. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6769 I understand you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6770 Sorry to break this to you, but your insurance doesn't cover a royal pain in the butt. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6771 You have... and have been - A Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6772 I didn't mean to imply the royal touch is feudal. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6773 Doctor: Love tests are not covered by your insurance policy. Lear: Speak again. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6774 I'm afraid it's Trump Derangement Syndrome. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6775 And I suppose you don’t have any clothes on under there... 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6776 Well, hemorrhoids can be aggravated by sitting too long on the throne. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6777 And for how long have you had this "royal headache"? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6778 I'm glad you appreciate your prostate health, but I'm going to have to decline the honor of being named "Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6779 I'm afraid, your Highness, your patch test came back positive for ermine. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6780 Yes, it's nice to be the King of Burgers, but you can't eat three burgers every day! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6781 Actually, it’s not that the hemorrhoids are a pain in the royal ass; it’s just that you yourself are a royal pain in the ass. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6782 Just get a new scepter. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6783 Your test results indicate you should consider running for President. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
6784 You're in good health now Henry, but be careful or there may not be a Henry the ninth! 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6785 You've got to stop eating 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6786 I’m sorry Type II diabetes is not the “new” disease of Kings.. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6787 Will you accept test reports using modern terminology? 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6788 The tests came back, you also got herpes from Coachella. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6789 I appreciate your policy advice Doc, but did my test results turn out OK? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6790 Who is your Power of Attorney? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6791 Off with your head might be a tad overdramatic for a treatment option. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6792 Well...you don't have cancer though, I cannot source the royal pain in your backside. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6793 By royal proclamation I deem you fit to be president of the United States of America. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6794 I think I put my finger on it... You’re having “Hemorrhoyal” bleeding! 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
6795 So, you're still suffering from "Unfair DEMS!"? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6796 Your chart is showing you are heartless. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6797 I do think you'll need a stress test! 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6798 The good news is the Regicide worked wonders on your foot fungus. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6799 And what’s with this Pipe and Bowl entrée? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6800 We have to lower your royal blood pressure 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6801 Have you chosen your lipid panel yet? 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6802 That is a list of the best European clinics. You need to hurry up before all those visa headaches begin. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6803 It’s gout. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6804 Sire, your results are in. Due to your undersized rectum, you are seriously anal retentive! 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
6805 Bad news: you have king crabs. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6806 I'll write some antacids. Try avoiding Brexits from now on. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6807 Are you sitting on the throne more frequently? 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
6808 You mentioned a royal pain in the butt? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6809 Your majesty, an invasion of foreign bodies amuses no one. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6810 And that was what our staff calls the “Midas Touch” 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6811 ‘’So you want a sex change in order to play King Lear?’’ 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6812 The royal prostate is clean, Your Highness. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
6813 You've got my head, but I got your health. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
6814 Yes, your position at the burger franchise would explain your high cholesterol... 1.1475 0.05647 61 54 5 2
6815 You are not sovereign over your archetype. 1.1475 0.05647 61 54 5 2
6816 Giant turkey legs do not balanced nutrition make. 1.1475 0.06112 61 55 3 3
6817 Am I reading this correct? King me? 1.1475 0.05141 61 53 7 1
6818 Hate to be a royal pain, but you will need to disrobe for an exam. 1.1475 0.05141 61 53 7 1
6819 I need you to disrobe, your majesty. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
6820 You'll have to lay off the aardvark foie gras. Wait, this is the Queen's chart. Burp! I'm Doctor Gary. 1.1455 0.06574 55 50 2 3
6821 Take two aspirin and send me a page in the morning. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6822 I never had a patient who could shit gold before. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6823 You have what we doctors refer to as a royal pain. 1.1455 0.06574 55 50 2 3
6824 Your Highness, I am at a loss what to tell you. There appears to be nothing wrong yet I still get nagging feeling that there ought to be something here. When I find I will be in contact. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
6825 Yes, these are the results of the labwork you had done - turns out you don’t have any royal blood. 1.1455 0.06574 55 50 2 3
6826 Your heart's in the right place, but you might need a new Hand. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6827 'I'm afraid I'm going to have to go back in for the other glove.' 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6828 The People are not calling for you to abdicate your throne, but rather your robe, so I might examine you. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6829 I am sorry to tell you but your regal robe has fleas. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6830 Bad news I'm afraid your Majesty! The Crown Jewels will have to go. The good news, is no more riding sidesaddle! 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6831 I would like to hire you as my new doctor, my physician is a few decades behind on the new medical technology. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6832 Well your Majesty, Its probably just a mild form of anxiety. With a little R & R I’m sure you’ll be back turning everything into gold in no time.” 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6833 Are you sure you’ve been having those symptoms, sir? Your prostate seems to be just fine. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6834 Have you got a retirement plan? 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6835 Your majesty, you have erectile dysfunction 1.1455 0.06574 55 50 2 3
6836 I see here you have thr King and iMedicare insurance plan. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6837 You've been diagnosed with a royal pain in the neck 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6838 Turns out you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6839 I am afraid you must get prostrate for your prostate exam. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6840 I am in complete accord with your GP. You are the healthiest king this country ever had. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6841 Sir, according to our records and ones supplied by you, your DNA does not match anyone in the Royal Household, past or present!!!!! 1.1455 0.06574 55 50 2 3
6842 We still don’t have a definitive diagnosis for your royal pain in the butt. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6843 After consulting with my partners, we all agree that you are a royal pain in the butt. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6844 Burger King or not, no more burgers for you Your Highness. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6845 Honestly king, ED isn’t my area of expertise! 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6846 What we have here is FAKE NEWS 1.1455 0.06574 55 50 2 3
6847 So,I take it you've been using the throne cushions? 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6848 Your Highness, I need a sample of your Royal ‘wee’. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
6849 Do you know about PrEP? 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
6850 Healthcare might be free for everyone in Robe Land, Your Majesty, but here in America, we believe equality trumps lineage and patients of every class, gender, orientation and race should pay the same amount for the same surgery, no exceptions. 1.1452 0.04510 62 53 9 0
6851 My Liege, the good news is, your s\Sceptre is not in your sphincter. But with respect to your Orb... 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
6852 Yes, yes, sire, gout is the disease of kings. But you, sir, are a hypo-king-driac. 1.1429 0.05493 70 63 4 3
6853 Well, you could help the Queen rule. That would alleviate your lethargy. 1.1429 0.05363 56 49 6 1
6854 Im sorry but eating all of your meals at Burger King has given you diabetes. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
6855 I'm afraid you only have about six weeks to Lord. 1.1429 0.05363 56 49 6 1
6856 Well, it's not rich man's disease 1.1429 0.05937 56 50 4 2
6857 Sorry, but they raised your deductable to 500 florens. 1.1429 0.05476 63 56 5 2
6858 My lord, the spleen is dead.” 1.1429 0.05937 56 50 4 2
6859 Your blue-blood tests are in; your monarchy levels are way down and your anarchy levels seem to be increasing. 1.1429 0.05363 56 49 6 1
6860 I warned you that too many burgers would become a royal pain. 1.1429 0.05476 63 56 5 2
6861 So . . . it hurts when you sit? 1.1429 0.05363 56 49 6 1
6862 Your outfit looks great, but I'm going to have to tell you what going on under that robe. 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
6863 If you touch yourself twice a day the symptoms should soon pass. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
6864 It says here that you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.1406 0.05395 64 57 5 2
6865 It’s simple; less time eating Whoppers and more time on the throne. 1.1404 0.05838 57 51 4 2
6866 I'm afraid there will be no more Whoppers for you, sir. 1.1404 0.05274 57 50 6 1
6867 The results are in, your bile levels are a bit high. 1.1385 0.05315 65 58 5 2
6868 Yes, you are a royal pain, but I really can't help you. 1.1379 0.05741 58 52 4 2
6869 "So, how long have you been having this pain in your posterior?" 1.1379 0.05188 58 51 6 1
6870 I think it is time you consider switching to 'veggie king' 1.1379 0.05188 58 51 6 1
6871 Thank you for putting on the robe. It seems your entire problem stemmed from not wearing clothes, and your subjects complimenting your taste in fashion. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6872 Between you and me -- It's a royal mess . . . 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6873 I suggest that you take a few pounds off that crown, eat fewer burgers, and stop stressing out about those royalties. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6874 These endoscopic test results point to you spending less time on the throne. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6875 We’ve identified the source of your royal pain in the ass. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
6876 I can see your new clothes, here and there, your majesty. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6877 Your just a Royal pain in the ass. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
6878 The insurance industry says that Kings are on there own. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6879 This is not what I meant, Hugh, when I asked you to put on a gown. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6880 I'm afraid that royal pain in the ass is hemorrhoids. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
6881 Time to cut back on the burgers. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
6882 "Your Highness, I'm afraid I must inform you that even commoners can have king-size prostates." 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
6883 Would you prefer a tweet or a prescription. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6884 No, your clothes are fine.... 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6885 I have bad news, Henry. You're pregnant and it's a girl. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
6886 I’m afraid it’s colonial cancer... 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
6887 Like I said, the prostate exam was negative. There’s no reason to do it again. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6888 You’re allergic to flame-grilling. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6889 Your cholesterol is a bit on the Highness side. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
6890 Let me put it this way, Your Highness. When you play the game of bones, you either take your calcium supplements, or you develop osteoporosis. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
6891 Sir, I already checked your prostate, I can't do it again 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
6892 I feel that I am not getting enough heir 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
6893 I’m afraid it’s a case of “Erminitis.” You really do need to cut back, Your Majesty. 1.1324 0.05091 68 61 5 2
6894 It says here you're a "Merry old soul"... 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
6895 I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do about your receding heir line. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
6896 No, this type of crowning is not good 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
6897 I'm sorry your Highness, but your job's just a royal pain in the ass. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
6898 Sorry, sire, according to Hoyle. your one Ass cannot trump the Full House 1.1296 0.05318 54 48 5 1
6899 what is he just see a doctor. 1.1296 0.05938 54 49 3 2
6900 You gout-ta love it. You have King's disease! 1.1290 0.05385 62 56 4 2
6901 Yeah, I don't think health insurance has been invented yet. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
6902 You have been a good boy. Would you like a lollypop your majesty? 1.1273 0.04535 55 48 7 0
6903 Maybe lay off the pipe and bowl... 1.1273 0.05225 55 49 5 1
6904 Alright Santa, what's with the crown? 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6905 Your highness, even if that would work — and it wouldn't, trust me — it would be a severe violation of the Hippocratic Oath for me to surgically remove your two lowest ribs. Please, I'm begging you, don't make me go through with this procedure. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6906 Your penis is small. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6907 I am sorry to inform you that you suffer of wealth-sick. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6908 Once you touch the trappings of monarchy, like opening an Egyptian tomb, the inside is liable to crumble. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6909 My bill will cost you a King's Random 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6910 You’re a Jolly Old Soul, but you simply must cut back on the smoking and drinking. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6911 Bellevue is a fine hospital and the doctors there will do everything they can to make sure you don't suffer the same fate as your great grandfather Louis XVI. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6912 No, Mr. Moscowitz, you're not the only one with a royal pain in the ass. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
6913 According to ancestry.com, your blood is no longer blue because sometime recently a Trump got into your woodpile. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6914 Short live the king. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6915 You really need to wear a condom from now on, King Midas! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6916 Sir the results are clear. You are wearing new clothes. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6917 Depending on how you look at it, there’s good news or bad news. Your blood is NOT blue. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6918 You have a royal pain in the WHAT? 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6919 The tests all point to a royal pain in the ass. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6920 Let's talk about that merry old soul. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6921 The regal rectum-receptor exam revealed a resplendent realm. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6922 Old King Cole, you are not a merry old soul. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6923 Well, your Merry Old Soul is in trouble! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6924 I take it you a familiar with a kings ransom. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6925 135 over 85 and I'd like a whopper jr. and a medium size diet coke. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6926 well, this is the only treatment your insurance will cover for that pain in your ass 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6927 Here are the test results for your pain in the ass. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6928 His royal pulse is a smidgen past godlike indicators. Methinks a beta blocker is in thy future. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6929 You eat royal jelly, of course you're going to get a royal pain! 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6930 As I suspected...it's nothing more than a royal pain in the ass. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6931 RE" is not a condition. It's your job title. Though it can be passed on to your children 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6932 I'm not a doctor, I can't fix your crown. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6933 I’m so sorry Mr President, you’re royal jewels have abdicated, so they’ve turned blue. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6934 Well, that's a royal pain in the ass. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6935 No more pipe, no more bowl, and I'd advise Fiddlers Three in moderation. Douglas Day, Camden, Maine 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
6936 I'm sorry to have to report that your blood pressure is royally high 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6937 John, I’m going to tell you this one only one more time your grandfathers scepter is not a buttplug. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6938 Sire ! The cost of your new clothes has raised your blood pressure. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6939 I’m afraid you’ve got a touch of Midas. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6940 It says here you're to die, and then the queen's to die of grief. Is that the story? 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6941 Your blood sugar level came back a bit high, so I'd lay off the mead for a while. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6942 Your royal pain is in the usual place 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6943 Well my king, I couldn't find anything wrong with you. You're as right as reign! 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6944 How long have you been having this royal pain? 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
6945 Your body natural is fine, but we need to talk about your body politic. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
6946 So your chief complaint is that you've been sitting on the porcelain throne too long without any results. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
6947 Luckily, the stroke seems to have been very minor, but I would still stay away from swords for a while. You're fortunate it was only a dagger. 1.1228 0.05050 57 51 5 1
6948 Despite what your wife says you have to cut down on the cake Frank Buckley Andover, MA 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6949 You have all the diabetes, King. I’m gonna have to cut off your foot. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6950 Yes you have piles.......of money. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6951 What you're describing sounds like a 'Royal Pain in the Butt' 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6952 Bad news Highness, your times up. Don't even bother going back to the Palace! 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6953 My diagnosis is... I need to lay off the oxytocin. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6954 You were right - the pain , too, is Royal. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6955 If you're going to be on Tinder, you have to wrap up Richard Jr. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6956 Would we call it a royal pain in the ass? 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6957 It doesn't work because you've sired too much, Sire ! 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6958 That isn't what is meant by "Royal Flush" Ted. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6959 Just call me Dr. Arbuckle. Please stop calling me sirrah, although it could be a symptom of the suspected 'delusions of grandeur' your family doctor said to look for." 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6960 First we'll need a DNA sample to see if it matches what ancestry.com has on file for your family insurance record. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6961 You suffer from a severe case of royalpaininthearsenitis. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
6962 It's your imagination. You're not wearing a robe and you've exposed the royal jewels! 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6963 Guess divine right isn't going for well you? 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6964 Bad news your Highness -- your lowers are shot! 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6965 I'm sorry to be the one to break the news, but the McRib is back. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6966 Well, the test results confirm, it's definitely a royal pain in the ass. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6967 I appreciate you coming here in disguise, but the queen got off at 3 o'clock. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6968 Your Majesty,you can't forbid all colonoscopies. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
6969 Looks like you have a bad case of a royal pain in the ass. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
6970 It’s terminal. 1.1207 0.05542 58 53 3 2
6971 So your penis is lookin' good. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
6972 I thought you were exaggerating when you came in with a whopping pain. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6973 Your X-reys came back positivo. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6974 I’m sorry, Burger King, but it looks like the McDonald’s secret sauce Grimace sent over as a peace offering between your kingdoms was laced with Ricin. We caught your case on time, but it’s too late for Kid Vid and the BK Kidz Club. God damn this war 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
6975 Looks like you need a proctologist. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6976 You have what is commonly called a royal pain. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
6977 You say you have a royal pain. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6978 Your "Highness" and headaches will dissipate once you cut back on the crown and reefer. 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
6979 hey are you holding? 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
6980 The technical term is "Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6981 MRI test results- Advanced - My Reign Impeachment! 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6982 Tell me about this Royal pain in your ass. 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
6983 was it the Burger King 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6984 I'm referring you to a proctologist. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6985 With all due respect, Sire, i'd call it " a royal pain-in-the-ass ". 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
6986 These new hospital gowns make me feel sceptical about the rest of my colonoscopy procedure..... 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6987 The good news: You have the crown of an eighteen-year-old prince. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6988 Well, Mr. Cole, we could try some antidepressants to help bring back your merry old soul. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6989 Okay, okay. You're been upgraded to a 'Royal Pain in the Ass.' 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
6990 A royal pain where? 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
6991 Yes I know doctor, I have many aides in my castle. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
6992 It's not healthy for you to be sitting on your throne that many times a day." Julian Garci 1.1186 0.04886 59 53 5 1
6993 Your cholesterol levels are too high. I want you to drop eggs from your diet. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
6994 Does Mrs. Claus know ! 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
6995 And how long have you had this 'Royal Pain in the Ass'" 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
6996 I am sorry, I do not personally check stool samples.... 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
6997 I'm sorry, your insurance is not fit for a King! 1.1176 0.06037 51 47 2 2
6998 I’m recommending you reduce your intake of swans and peacocks. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
6999 It's a 24-hour bug. You've only got this condition for a day. 1.1176 0.06655 51 48 0 3
7000 Yes, your business creates a lot of our patients, but a merger is not appropriate. 1.1176 0.06037 51 47 2 2
7001 A royal pain in the ass, I see 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
7002 And just where is this royal pain? 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
7003 Aside from your bleeding ulcer, high blood pressure and herniated disk, the summary states that you 1.1176 0.06037 51 47 2 2
7004 Normally I'd be concerned about low levels of hemoglobin. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
7005 Your excessive sneezing is a result of an allergy. Do you happen to have a pet mink 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
7006 Woe - your LDL is sky high. Try avoiding red meat, like hamburgers. 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
7007 Your highness it’s your hiney ... 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
7008 So... you are worried about the pumpkin seeds that you accidentally swallowed tonight. Were they cooked? 1.1132 0.05815 53 49 2 2
7009 Oh, the amount of the red blood cells is increasing ! 1.1132 0.05154 53 48 4 1
7010 Try calling for your fiddlers three. 1.1132 0.05815 53 49 2 2
7011 Unfortunately, the acme on your head is hereditary. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
7012 Your crown defy’s all logic... You’re not sick 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
7013 As King of your franchise, you have been eating too many hamburgers. I would recommend eating more hamberders. 1.1091 0.05609 55 51 2 2
7014 I know it sounds novel, your highness, but we can give you more mobility through gender reassignment surgery. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7015 Your eyes are fine... and your clothes are solid 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
7016 Test results indicate your royal pain in the ass is stress-related. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7017 No,you can't sit on my throne. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7018 yeah you're the king, alright. the king of having electric toothbrushes stuck up your ass. seriously that thing is almost touching your small intestine, there's no surgery on earth that could remove it. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7019 You’re going to have to use drones this year 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7020 Sorry Midas, you’re going to need a referral for that. 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7021 Ionesco says you have 90 minutes to make your will. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7022 You’re 48% autocrat, 40% despot, and only 12% merry old soul. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7023 It says here that you are a royal pain in the butt . 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7024 I'd rather be reading Macanudo! 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7025 It's metastised…I'm so sorry. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7026 In order for me to do a physical you have to take off your clothes. 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7027 Are you saying that you have some pain in the royal arse? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7028 A royal colon is still just a colon, after all. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
7029 Of the three finalist captions for the previous cartoon - which I thought were All good, for the first time, Ever, in my opinion - which did you prefer? 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7030 Interesting; you have an actual royal pain in the neck... 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7031 No butts about it, Highness... It’s time you met with Squatty Potty! 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7032 We’ll give you the Royal Treatment. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7033 The test results came back....your crown is inoperable 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7034 Yes, I suppose "Royal pain in the ass" could deserve worker's-comp consideration 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7035 Royal or not, it could be a sign of something more serious.... 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7036 I know it’s a royal pain in the ass, but at your age, it’s important that we check once a year. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7037 Even though you’re the King of Hearts, you’ll need more than a royal decree to lower your cholesterol. 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7038 Why are you pretending to be a doctor? 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
7039 Nothing serious...it's just that you're allergic to ermine. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
7040 It's the King's Evil. You touched too many people for scrofula. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7041 I'm sorry, it looks like you have the king of diseases. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7042 Sorry my king, there is nothing I can do to cure your royalitus 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7043 Gout. Just as I suspected. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7044 I've got a great coupon deal - grilled chicken salad with light vinaigrette. 1.1087 0.06392 46 43 1 2
7045 The crown is not causing the headaches, it's whatever you've been stepping on this week 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7046 No more burgers for you. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
7047 I don't think we're quite at the King George V solution... yet. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7048 All of the tests indicate a classic case of Royal Pains 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
7049 Protector of the Realm - is it? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7050 I meant to tell you. That's not a toilet. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7051 The results show your margarines look good. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7052 Where'd you get the hat, Joe? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7053 I hate to tell you this but ... 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7054 Your majesty to eliminate the problem I suggest removing by the cavity under the crown. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7055 According to your family history, your father was king of the Seven Kingdoms. What Do you mean, “he died on the iron throne”? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7056 I see you haven't been taking the medicine we've been prescribing. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
7057 He might be the rightful heir, but we need to run more tests. Can you come back in a week? 1.1064 0.06258 47 44 1 2
7058 It’s looking like you are suffering from Heavy Coronal Sleep Disorder. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
7059 Your Royal Highness seems to have a severe bout of dryness in his most sovereign sinus. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
7060 They said my butt was flabby! 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
7061 Your blood pressure has gone up. Trying changing your name 'Jack' . 1.1053 0.05418 57 53 2 2
7062 It's known as the Queen's lymphoma, which is unfortunate because it's a leukemia 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
7063 King Midas I didn’t find a cure for your health but you can find a good job in Whole Foods 1.1000 0.04572 60 55 4 1
7064 I think your current angst can be traced back to changing the name of your kingdom. Camelot would have been better than King Dumb. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
7065 No, not that crown. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
7066 Your royal highness, would you mind removing your crown, while I'm examining you prostate. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
7067 Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you sir are royally f$@#ed 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
7068 Well, it'll be the first Royal Heir borne by a King. 1.0962 0.04958 52 48 3 1
7069 The chimney thing has taken a toll 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7070 I'd pay a Kings ransom to save the family Jewels! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7071 It appears your ailment is a case of a royal pain in the ass.” 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7072 It appears that you’re only a Pretender to the Treatment Couch. 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7073 ... and no more Fast Food. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7074 Well, yes, I believe dragon burgers ARE part of a ketogenic diet plan... 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7075 Your majesty, as your personal physician, I must inform you that riding the royal golf coach does not count as aerobic exercise. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7076 Sorry King Midas, but you must wear those gloves while eating. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7077 I have bad news sir you’re HIV positive. It must’ve been your Queen. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7078 I'm sorry your highness, but your diagnosis is a whopper..." Sajda Waite-New York, N 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7079 You might want to cool it a bit on the burgers and fries 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7080 Sad to say, hut Galen treated Marcus Aurelius for this malady. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7081 Your Highness, the good news is you have hemorrhoids; the bad news is you are not pregnant 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7082 You've been diagnosed with being a royal pain in the ass. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7083 You've picked up a bad case of cabbages. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7084 Your cholesterol is out of control. Go easy on the free "Whopper" perk when you're doing the burger ad. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7085 Doc, the new robes seem a little excessive. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7086 I'm afraid there's no cure for regicide. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7087 I can refer you to a good Barber for leaching, but I really think eating too much stag is the problem. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7088 I know it's a Royal pain in the ass, but over-the-counter hemorrhoid cream should clear it up. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7089 ...Burger King? 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7090 How long have you been feeling royal? 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7091 You probably won't be surprised to know your hemorrhoids are king size. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7092 Bad news: the time machine did cause your blood pressure to go up. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7093 It says in your chart that you're here about a royal pain in the ass. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7094 I’m afraid it’s... cancer. You have three weeks to live. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7095 you inserted your green thumb where? 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7096 I'm concerned about your high, um, ness. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7097 I don't care about ROYAL PROTOCOL-this is PROCTOLOGY 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7098 I prefer the Styrofoam drink cups. 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7099 The good new is you’ve only got 3 months to live 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7100 I think you could lower your stress level with a better paying job. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7101 Yes, Your Highness, but perhaps you might elaborate somewhat on the specific nature of the “royal pain in the ass”. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7102 The lab test results show future problems are likely with your bloodline. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7103 Please open your robe, turn away and bend over. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7104 So diabetes runs in your family you say? 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7105 Tests indicate executive privilege went to your head 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7106 The tests confirmed my initial diagnosis, Mr. King. You are suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7107 But it says here you have an inferiority complex, Your Worship. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7108 Could you describe the pain in your posterior? 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7109 It says you are suffering from a royal pain in the ass. 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7110 No worries Your Majesty you won't let the gout line down . 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7111 I’m afraid, your majesty, that you are allergic to ermine. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7112 I'll step out of the room while you put the robe on open at the back 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7113 Im sorry, sir, I said you had a coronary, not a coronation. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7114 Looks like royal flush.u 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
7115 The bad news is there are fleas in your robe. The good news is you will weigh less if you take it off. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7116 So the good news is that the pain you have is indeed royal, the bad news is that it’s concentrated in one place. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7117 Well, "king-sized" is a little subjective, with the emphasis in your case on "little." 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
7118 I’m afraid, Mr Oedipus, that the problem is not physiological … 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
7119 My diagnosis is you have "A Royal Pain In The Butt." 1.0926 0.05462 54 51 1 2
7120 The tests indicate you were born with this condition. 1.0909 0.05458 44 41 2 1
7121 It say's here you're from Hamburg? 1.0909 0.05364 55 52 1 2
7122 I am sorry but your health issuance is no good here. 1.0896 0.04626 67 63 2 2
7123 You aren't going to be so merry if you keep calling for your pipe. 1.0851 0.05116 47 44 2 1
7124 You said you felt this when you were on the chamber pot? 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
7125 You'll have to switch thrones 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
7126 Sorry to say, you’re not fit for fighting for the Iron Throne. 1.0732 0.05399 41 39 1 1
7127 Actually, no, your prostate is not filled with 'royal jelly'. 1.0732 0.05399 41 39 1 1
7128 You've got to lay off the burgers. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7129 Good news you don't have to disrobe. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7130 I’m not sure your Worker’s Compensation will cover “low testosterone.” 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7131 can say you could live to 150 and fake certify you're in conscience therapy. But I won't pretend your not naked. Trump Care won't cover you. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7132 We can schedule Mohs surgery for your crown next Thursday. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7133 Hmmn...Let's see now. Did we shave your beard the last time? 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7134 Please start disrobing. You can leave the crown on. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7135 So. You want this growth removed, right? 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7136 Everybody gets a colonoscopy. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7137 The pine logs are okay, but you're going to have to cut back on the flesh and wine. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7138 How many cookies did you say you had last night? 250 million? 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7139 You need to cut back on the burgers. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7140 It's more commonly known as a Royal Pain in the Ass. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7141 I can’t begin to diagnose the problem until your daughter also schedules an appointment. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7142 We call this the Right of Doctors. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7143 To improve your economy's health, I'd suggest more Vitamin D 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7144 Can we briefly update your file now. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7145 The issue is definitely your clothes. The emperor needs new clothes! 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
7146 Take 2 ice cubes and call me in the morning. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
7147 I'm not talking about the joint you and Queenie had last night, I'm talking about your toe. 1.0656 0.03959 61 58 2 1
7148 Your persisting heeadaches must be psychosomatic, I have no other explanation. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
7149 I'm sorry to tell you,but you seem to be suffering from what is known in professional circles as "A Royal Pain in the Ass." 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
7150 The prostate, your Eminence, is majestically large. Perhaps it’s time to bestow Knighthood with the sword. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
7151 Only at breakfast you should keep eating as yourself, your majesty. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
7152 Your heinie looks good Your Highness. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
7153 As we feared, you have a royal pain in the ass. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0