Contest #651 Summary

Name	Value
Submission deadline	2019-02-24T22:52:00.000Z
Voting started	-
Voting ended	2019-03-10T21:54:00.000Z
Finalists announced	2019-03-04T22:53:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued	March 11, 2019
Number of captions	9250
Number of responses	2249813
Number of participants	-

Rank	Caption	Mean	Precision	Total votes	"Unfunny" votes	"Somewhat funny" votes	"Funny" votes
0	No need to panic: a reptile dysfunction is common for men of your age.	1.7716	0.05580	232	116	53	63
1	I usually don't say this to men.....How far apart are the contractions?	1.7673	0.05544	245	127	48	70
2	You have a reptile dysfunction.	1.7489	0.05397	235	117	60	58
3	I’m afraid you have a reptile dysfunction.	1.7266	0.04936	267	133	74	60
4	What we have here is a reptile dysfuntion.	1.7216	0.05201	255	133	60	62
5	Oh, a REPTILE dysfunction...	1.6827	0.05024	271	149	59	63
6	Reptile Disfunction is very common in men your age.	1.6822	0.05221	236	125	61	50
7	I'm afraid it's a reptile dysfunction.	1.6789	0.05459	246	142	41	63
8	How long between contractions?	1.6746	0.05549	209	112	53	44
9	Looks like a reptile dysfunction	1.6629	0.04945	267	147	63	57
10	I’m afraid you’ve got reptile dysfunction.	1.6627	0.05097	252	139	59	54
11	Not to worry. Reptile dysfunction is highly treatable.	1.6624	0.05365	237	134	49	54
12	Okay. Now YOU stick out your tongue.	1.6569	0.04994	239	126	69	44
13	Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover reptile dysfunction.	1.6559	0.05063	247	135	62	50
14	Reptile Dysfunction is common in men your age.	1.6553	0.04972	264	147	61	56
15	Relax, it's common for men of your age to have reptile dysfunction.	1.6540	0.05453	211	115	54	42
16	Give the snake two viagra and it will straighten out in about fifteen minutes.	1.6454	0.04612	282	152	78	52
17	Your wife was right. You have a reptile dysfunction.	1.6387	0.04949	274	159	55	60
18	Oh! You're here to get treated for REPTILE dysfunction.	1.6386	0.05145	249	143	53	53
19	I'll write you something for reptile dysfunction.	1.6364	0.04906	264	149	62	53
20	I understand you have concerns about a reptile dysfunction.	1.6356	0.05458	225	131	45	49
21	Reptile dysfunction.	1.6293	0.05186	232	131	56	45
22	How far apart are the contractions ?	1.6292	0.05114	240	136	57	47
23	Just as I thought..you are suffering from a reptile dysfunction.	1.6292	0.05181	240	138	53	49
24	No, a heart attack feels more like an elephant sitting on your chest.	1.6265	0.04900	249	138	66	45
25	It could be reptile dysfunction	1.6214	0.05203	243	143	49	51
26	Nice try, but I'm still going to check your prostate.	1.6207	0.04755	261	145	70	46
27	It’s a cute reptile dysfunction. What did you think I said?	1.6190	0.05178	231	132	55	44
28	You have symptoms of a reptile dysfunction.	1.6179	0.04802	280	164	59	57
29	It appears that you're suffering from a reptile disfunction.	1.6176	0.05525	238	149	31	58
30	I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. It's endangered.	1.6165	0.04565	266	144	80	42
31	You have an overactive adder.	1.6164	0.05214	219	123	57	39
32	It's just a reptile dysfunction.	1.6102	0.05089	254	152	49	53
33	"It's just reptile dysfunction. Nothing to be embarrassed about."	1.6085	0.05188	235	138	51	46
34	Don’t tell me. You ordered from the wrong Amazon.	1.6062	0.05094	226	128	59	39
35	The good news is we can safely remove the snake. The bad news is those aren't your legs.	1.6059	0.05137	236	138	53	45
36	Release ten mice in your living room and call me in the morning.	1.6057	0.04798	246	137	69	40
37	Says here you’re covered by COBRA?	1.6053	0.05059	228	129	60	39
38	I’ll give you something for a reptile dysfunction.	1.6048	0.05035	248	146	54	48
39	Worst case of Reptile Dysfunction I've come across.	1.6035	0.05079	227	129	59	39
40	You have a classic case of reptile dysfunction.	1.6035	0.05304	227	135	47	45
41	How often are the contractions?	1.6016	0.04767	246	137	70	39
42	It’s going around.	1.6008	0.04589	263	146	76	41
43	How frequent are the contractions?	1.5992	0.04729	262	150	67	45
44	And how far apart are the contractions?	1.5967	0.05125	243	146	49	48
45	Here’s a prescription for your reptile disfunction.	1.5958	0.04866	240	136	65	39
46	Looks as if you may have picked up a little something during your trip to Florida.	1.5943	0.04733	244	136	71	37
47	My bad. I meant to prescribe a vasoconstrictor.	1.5938	0.04757	256	147	66	43
48	Luckily, you're covered by Cobra.	1.5927	0.05012	248	148	53	47
49	Next time, try ordering from Amazon, not from THE Amazon.	1.5907	0.04808	237	133	68	36
50	Nice try. I still have to do the prostate exam.”	1.5906	0.04918	254	151	56	47
51	Come back when contractions are two minutes apart.	1.5903	0.05203	227	135	50	42
52	Last week it was a frog in your throat.	1.5902	0.04525	266	149	77	40
53	I’m writing you a prescription for reptile dysfunction.	1.5889	0.04903	253	150	57	46
54	It's clearly Ereptile Disfunction.	1.5887	0.05132	231	137	52	42
55	Well, I’d say it’s quite likely you have irritable boa syndrome.	1.5880	0.04987	233	135	59	39
56	It appears to be Reptile Dysfunction.	1.5875	0.04779	257	150	63	44
57	I can see here that you’re covered by COBRA.	1.5871	0.04860	264	159	55	50
58	I see that you're covered by COBRA.	1.5848	0.05148	224	132	53	39
59	I believe that you suffer from a reptile dysfunction, Mr. Collins.	1.5840	0.05113	250	155	44	51
60	And now, how far apart are the contractions?	1.5811	0.04699	265	156	64	45
61	You have a reptile dysfunction. Luckily, your COBRA covers it.	1.5810	0.04844	253	150	59	44
62	Looks like irritable boa syndrome.	1.5809	0.04896	241	141	60	40
63	Your insurance only pays if the snake bites, so let’s give it ten more minutes.	1.5804	0.05228	224	135	48	41
64	So how far apart are the contractions, would you say?	1.5769	0.04774	260	155	60	45
65	I see here that you're covered by COBRA	1.5766	0.05087	248	154	45	49
66	The good news is they sometimes go months without eating."	1.5761	0.04833	243	142	62	39
67	Which one of you is having difficulty swallowing?	1.5759	0.04658	257	149	68	40
68	So, it started with a frog in your throat ...	1.5748	0.04768	254	150	62	42
69	This is a classic case of a reptile disfunction.	1.5747	0.04730	261	155	62	44
70	It was supposed to be a vasoconstrictor. Sometimes they have problems with the handwriting.	1.5737	0.04912	251	152	54	45
71	Actually, I'd prefer that your lawyer wait outside.	1.5733	0.05125	232	141	49	42
72	I see you have a pre-existing constriction...	1.5732	0.04934	239	142	57	40
73	You can go home for now, but come back when the contractions are less than a minute apart.	1.5714	0.04760	259	155	60	44
74	You have irritable Boa syndrome.	1.5703	0.04885	263	163	50	50
75	The good news is you’re covered by COBRA.	1.5699	0.04491	272	158	73	41
76	Sorry about your cat.	1.5684	0.04758	234	134	67	33
77	I am going to write you a prescription for reptile dysfunction.	1.5680	0.05059	250	157	44	49
78	Unfortunately, this is not covered by your COBRA insurance.	1.5660	0.05351	212	130	44	38
79	Come back when constrictions are 2 to 3 minutes apart.	1.5657	0.04751	251	149	62	40
80	The good news is that the hissing you’ve been hearing isn’t tinnitus.	1.5657	0.04475	251	141	78	32
81	Until you get swallowed, it's considered a pre-existing condition.	1.5652	0.04853	253	154	55	44
82	You need to unwind.	1.5639	0.04318	266	149	84	33
83	Don't let this rattle you, but what you are experiencing is a reptile dysfunction."	1.5625	0.05029	240	148	49	43
84	The X-rays are back and the good news is we've found your kids	1.5620	0.04780	258	157	57	44
85	Endangered species. My hands are tied.	1.5620	0.04780	258	157	57	44
86	I see you're still covered by COBRA.	1.5617	0.05079	235	145	48	42
87	Looks like a case of reptile dysfunction	1.5615	0.04861	244	147	57	40
88	I'm sorry, Mr. Jones. It looks like you have a case of reptile dysfunction.	1.5602	0.05048	241	150	47	44
89	Nothing for you but, I'm prescribing a muscle relaxer for your friend.	1.5602	0.04637	266	160	63	43
90	I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover reptile dysfunction!	1.5584	0.05040	231	141	51	39
91	It's a classic case of ereptile dysfunction	1.5582	0.04717	249	148	63	38
92	Luckily, you're covered under COBRA.	1.5572	0.04630	271	165	61	45
93	Sorry , you're not covered for prexisting constrictions.	1.5564	0.04608	266	160	64	42
94	I’ll need you to hiss in this cup.	1.5546	0.04852	238	143	58	37
95	Hmm, unfortunately it looks like your insurance does not cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.5541	0.04929	231	139	56	36
96	It looks likes a snake, but I'm going to schedule a pet scan just to be sure.	1.5541	0.04891	231	138	58	35
97	Don’t be ashamed, Ereptile Dysfunction is more common than you would think	1.5538	0.04791	251	153	57	41
98	I’m afraid we don’t cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.5527	0.04942	237	145	53	39
99	Vick's Viper rub should do the trick.	1.5526	0.04941	228	137	56	35
100	It's completely normal Mr. Richards...lots of men your age suffer from reptile dysfunction.	1.5525	0.05058	219	132	53	34
101	Nice try, but I am still going to do your prostate exam.	1.5523	0.04980	239	148	50	41
102	I see you’re covered under COBRA	1.5523	0.05051	239	150	46	43
103	I see you're covered by COBRA.	1.5519	0.04878	241	147	55	39
104	It says here you are covered by Cobra.	1.5514	0.04881	243	149	54	40
105	I thought a reptile dysfunction was misspelled.	1.5508	0.05067	236	148	46	42
106	Actually, this is the one thing your plan does cover.	1.5500	0.04786	240	144	60	36
107	Let's talk about your COBRA coverage.	1.5481	0.04911	239	147	53	39
108	So I see you have cobra insurance.	1.5481	0.05052	239	151	45	43
109	As soon as she’s done taking your blood pressure, she’ll do the prostate check.	1.5473	0.04705	243	145	63	35
110	No, a heart attack feels more like an elephant on your chest.	1.5455	0.04423	253	146	76	31
111	And when was his last meal?	1.5451	0.04746	233	138	63	32
112	The pharmacist must have misread the type of vasoconstrictor I was prescribing.	1.5447	0.04792	235	141	60	34
113	Not quite the COBRA coverage you expected from your former employer?	1.5441	0.04744	261	163	54	44
114	Your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.5433	0.04685	254	155	60	39
115	Unfortunately, I see you only have COBRA insurance.	1.5411	0.04896	231	141	55	35
116	Have you tried vigorously twirling counterclockwise?	1.5372	0.04463	242	140	74	28
117	Bad news, I'm afraid. Your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.5365	0.04903	233	144	53	36
118	And then she just left you two in the garden?	1.5365	0.04827	233	142	57	34
119	The good news is that the frog in your throat is no longer a problem.	1.5363	0.04741	248	153	57	38
120	It's probably just an anaconda, but we'll want to run some tests.	1.5357	0.04440	252	148	73	31
121	Well, Adam, your insurance says Original Sin is a preexisting condition.	1.5347	0.04821	245	153	53	39
122	Well, the tests confirmed you are suffering from Irritable Boa Syndrome.	1.5347	0.04572	245	146	67	32
123	Your snake's fine. I just want to remind you again that there is no need to take your clothes off at a veterinarian's office.	1.5342	0.05065	219	136	49	34
124	Let me know when the contractions are a about a minute apart.	1.5339	0.04947	221	135	54	32
125	It appears you have ereptile dysfunction.	1.5331	0.04678	257	160	57	40
126	You say you're covered by COBRA?	1.5325	0.04782	231	140	59	32
127	So, which one of you is Howard?	1.5322	0.04866	233	144	54	35
128	I think you misunderstood when your employer told you that you were going to need COBRA coverage.	1.5316	0.04913	237	149	50	38
129	Are you still covered by COBRA?	1.5314	0.04490	271	167	64	40
130	When the contractions are two minutes apart, you probably ought to go to the hospital.	1.5310	0.04599	258	159	61	38
131	‘The good news is that you’re fully covered by your cobra plan.’	1.5304	0.04993	230	145	48	37
132	First, let’s order a PET scan.	1.5299	0.04455	251	149	71	31
133	Is this new or a preexisting constriction?	1.5287	0.04292	261	153	78	30
134	And I see you're now covered by COBRA.	1.5284	0.05010	229	145	47	37
135	I see your COBRA's kicked in.	1.5276	0.04589	254	156	62	36
136	Let me know when the contractions come five minutes apart.	1.5273	0.04595	256	158	61	37
137	I'm referring you to a mongoose.	1.5259	0.04631	251	155	60	36
138	Okay, let's go over it again: You swallowed a spider to catch the fly...	1.5254	0.04706	236	144	60	32
139	Just checking my records. Are you still covered by COBRA?	1.5253	0.04581	257	159	61	37
140	I’m writing you a prescription for your ereptile dysfunction.	1.5251	0.05230	219	142	39	38
141	I think we'll skip the prostate exam this time"	1.5250	0.04684	240	147	60	33
142	EREPTILE Dysfunction! Ha ha, get it? But seriously, get it off.	1.5250	0.04867	240	152	50	38
143	It's nothing serious, just something that's going around.	1.5250	0.04794	240	150	54	36
144	It’s “Adam”, right?	1.5249	0.04823	221	134	58	29
145	How much longer do you have Cobra coverage?	1.5248	0.04940	242	156	45	41
146	Sarah, call Mrs. Blakely, tell her her snake is fine, and we found her husband.	1.5244	0.04739	246	154	55	37
147	You definitely picked something up on your trip to South America.	1.5236	0.04487	254	154	67	33
148	I'm not sure COBRA covers this.	1.5232	0.04805	237	148	54	35
149	My hands are tied - it’s a protected species.	1.5230	0.04662	239	146	61	32
150	It's coilitis.	1.5227	0.04520	264	164	62	38
151	I’m going to have you stand and turn counterclockwise 4 times as fast as you can	1.5212	0.04319	259	154	75	30
152	I see that you’re fully covered by COBRA.	1.5212	0.04748	259	167	49	43
153	I'm sorry, but your health plan doesn't cover reptile dysfunction.	1.5212	0.04932	236	151	47	38
154	Sooo....what brings you in today?	1.5208	0.04534	240	144	67	29
155	I'm calling it 'constricted bowel' for insurance purposes.	1.5208	0.04610	240	146	63	31
156	Sorry to say, but I think it’s e-boa.	1.5206	0.04289	267	160	75	32
157	Ereptile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about.	1.5205	0.04858	219	134	56	29
158	You came to the right place, reptile dysfunction is my specialty.	1.5190	0.04386	289	183	62	44
159	I’m sorry sir, but your insurance doesn’t cover pre-existing constrictions	1.5190	0.04843	237	150	51	36
160	Please stick out your other tongue.	1.5189	0.04457	264	163	65	36
161	I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do. It’s on the endangered species list.	1.5188	0.04663	239	147	60	32
162	You have Reptile Dysfunction. I'm prescribing Snake Oil, which is covered by TrumpCare.	1.5187	0.04653	268	173	51	44
163	To my utter surprise, this IS actually covered under your plan.	1.5172	0.04496	261	162	63	36
164	Ironically, your COBRA coverage just ran out.	1.5171	0.04816	234	147	53	34
165	So the tests all came back positive. It is a snake.	1.5168	0.04753	238	149	55	34
166	What brings you in today?	1.5164	0.04841	244	157	48	39
167	Just a mild case of viper tension.	1.5153	0.04778	229	142	56	31
168	Now let me get this straight: You were in this garden with a naked woman eating apples ....	1.5145	0.04744	241	152	54	35
169	So I see you're here for ereptile disfunction	1.5143	0.04720	245	155	54	36
170	I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.5141	0.04662	249	157	56	36
171	Yes, we've being seeing a lot of Irritable Boa Syndrome this season.	1.5141	0.04696	249	158	54	37
172	Sir, ereptile dysfunction is not my area of expertise	1.5127	0.04631	236	145	61	30
173	This thing has been going around.	1.5126	0.04640	238	147	60	31
174	This isn’t covered under COBRA.	1.5126	0.04864	238	153	48	37
175	Your insurance company is concerned that it may be a preexisting constriction.	1.5125	0.04723	240	151	55	34
176	So it wasn't a typo. You do have a large asp.	1.5125	0.04723	240	151	55	34
177	The good news is we’ve made great strides in treating A Reptile Dysfunction.	1.5124	0.04766	242	154	52	36
178	Ah, Mr. Smith. I see you've met Victor. Victor is the head of our billing department.	1.5123	0.04736	244	155	53	36
179	So, how long have you been experiencing ereptile dysfunction?	1.5122	0.04706	246	156	54	36
180	Nice try, but I'm still going ahead with your colonoscopy.	1.5121	0.04676	248	157	55	36
181	Off hand, I'd say you are being suffocated by a snake, but just to make sure I'm going to order a bunch of tests.	1.5115	0.04612	262	168	54	40
182	I'm sorry, but this is a preexisting constriction .	1.5106	0.04762	235	148	54	33
183	And after surgery you’ll have a super cute bag and matching shoes.	1.5105	0.04769	237	150	53	34
184	Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover preexisting constrictions.	1.5104	0.04781	241	154	51	36
185	The good news is that you no longer have that monkey on your back.	1.5104	0.04597	241	149	61	31
186	Nice try, Mr. Jones, but you can't avoid a prostate exam.	1.5104	0.04634	241	150	59	32
187	The good news is that it’s covered by your COBRA benefits.	1.5098	0.04475	255	158	64	33
188	So, you have no idea what happened to your therapy dog?	1.5097	0.04483	257	160	63	34
189	Are you covered under COBRA?	1.5096	0.04594	261	167	55	39
190	Nice try, Mr Rosen, but there's no escaping your prostate exam.	1.5088	0.05031	228	149	42	37
191	As you, no doubt, surmised, you did not receive the placebo.	1.5065	0.04787	231	146	53	32
192	Ironically, yes, I do believe this is covered under your COBRA.	1.5063	0.04694	237	149	56	32
193	Don’t worry. Ereptile disfunction is very common for men your age.	1.5063	0.04953	237	156	42	39
194	But many things can cause tightness in the chest. Let's not jump to conclusions.	1.5061	0.04327	247	148	73	26
195	So this is the only COBRA coverage you could afford?	1.5059	0.04645	255	164	53	38
196	I'm sorry, it's a pre-existing constriction.	1.5058	0.04449	257	160	64	33
197	'Looks like its just something that's going around.."	1.5057	0.04348	265	164	68	33
198	It's just something that's going around	1.5055	0.04407	273	173	62	38
199	It will continue to constrict you until you can no longer take a breath. But enough about your insurance company.	1.5055	0.04704	275	185	41	49
200	Just to clarify...you say this started with a frog in your throat?	1.5046	0.04822	216	134	55	27
201	"It's all in your mind. The condition is called hypoanacondria.	1.5044	0.04868	226	144	50	32
202	It's just a little something to help you both unwind.	1.5044	0.04745	226	141	56	29
203	I'm so sorry, we only accept COBRA here.	1.5042	0.04828	238	154	48	36
204	So how long have you been covered by Cobra?	1.5000	0.04761	240	155	50	35
205	Any tightness or difficulty breathing?	1.5000	0.04576	226	138	63	25
206	I'm writing you a prescription for a mongoose.	1.5000	0.04542	234	144	63	27
207	Your insurance provider has denied coverage based on a pre-existing constriction.	1.5000	0.04671	236	149	56	31
208	We got the monkey off your back, but you’ll need to see a specialist for this one.	1.5000	0.04458	240	147	66	27
209	This is why early detection is so important. Once they swallow you whole, our options are limited.	1.5000	0.04426	248	153	66	29
210	Good news: it’s not poisonous. Bad news: it’s endangered.	1.5000	0.04748	236	151	52	33
211	I'm writing a prescription for something to help you unwind.	1.5000	0.04723	230	145	55	30
212	I'm sorry, but COBRA and BOA are actually two separate policies.	1.5000	0.04946	214	136	49	29
213	So, cost was not what you meant when you said you were getting squeezed by COBRA.	1.5000	0.05004	234	156	39	39
214	With your plan, it's the only way to measure your blood pressure. Just wait until you see how we check your prostate.	1.5000	0.05143	226	152	35	39
215	So where's the gerbil now?"	1.5000	0.04597	270	178	49	43
216	Unfortunately there’s no cure for e-reptile dysfunction.	1.4981	0.04607	267	176	49	42
217	Give him two white mice and call me in the morning	1.4981	0.04225	267	164	73	30
218	I'm prescribing you an antihisstamine.	1.4981	0.04457	259	164	61	34
219	I’m going to prescribe a laxative for the snake. You should pass through in a day or two.	1.4981	0.04346	257	159	68	30
220	I'm prescribing you an oboe and a basket -- should work like a charm.	1.4981	0.04551	257	165	56	36
221	He just ate a whole pig, so you should be safe for the next month.	1.4980	0.04476	255	161	61	33
222	It looks like you’re covered under COBRA.	1.4980	0.04663	249	161	52	36
223	So what are we seeing you for today?	1.4980	0.04614	245	156	56	33
224	I’m afraid I will have to charge you for my missing receptionist.	1.4980	0.04650	245	157	54	34
225	My first concern is the location of the tail.	1.4979	0.04417	243	149	67	27
226	No, you can leave the snake on.	1.4962	0.04444	260	165	61	34
227	Well, the test results finally came back, and you were right--it is a Burmese python.	1.4959	0.04431	242	149	66	27
228	It looks like your cobra covers fifty percent	1.4955	0.05022	224	148	41	35
229	What brought you here today?	1.4943	0.04497	261	168	57	36
230	So now is probably a terrible time to tell you we no longer accept COBRA.	1.4941	0.04740	253	168	45	40
231	I'm sorry but your policy does not cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.4939	0.04656	247	160	52	35
232	There is nothing we can do about your snake but on the bright side I think we know where your hamster went	1.4937	0.04539	237	148	61	28
233	As your vet, I think the first thing to do is remove that man who's stuck in the middle of you	1.4933	0.04925	225	147	45	33
234	Well, if it was a COBRA, you’d be covered...	1.4933	0.04835	223	143	50	30
235	I'll write the prescription more legibly this time.	1.4921	0.04585	252	163	54	35
236	It says on your insurance paperwork that you're covered by COBRA; is that correct?	1.4919	0.04741	246	162	47	37
237	You needn't have removed your socks.	1.4919	0.04563	246	157	57	32
238	... sorry, it says here you’re only covered if he actually bites you.”	1.4917	0.04497	240	150	62	28
239	It says here that this is a pre-existing constriction.	1.4908	0.04876	218	140	49	29
240	And just what brings you in today?	1.4906	0.04323	267	169	65	33
241	Bad news, Harold. I’m afraid you have Ereptile Dysfunction.	1.4905	0.04471	263	170	57	36
242	About your insurance--it seems you have COBRA?	1.4903	0.04617	257	169	50	38
243	COBRA plan?	1.4903	0.04275	257	159	70	28
244	So what brings you here?	1.4899	0.04656	247	161	51	35
245	Sorry, but this is a python and you have COBRA.	1.4895	0.04664	239	154	53	32
246	While I would love to help out, he's endangered whereas you are merely screwed.	1.4895	0.04880	237	158	42	37
247	Chest pain. Shortness of breath. Decreased mobility of the upper extremities. We're going to want to run some tests.	1.4893	0.04677	233	149	54	30
248	Here is your letter about your Emotional Support Snake, now you must convince the Airline .	1.4882	0.04625	254	167	50	37
249	'Looks like you got the full Monty python.'	1.4881	0.04445	252	160	61	31
250	Your insurance form says you have COBRA coverage.	1.4881	0.04721	252	168	45	39
251	Well scaly dry skin is very common in the winter months.	1.4880	0.04543	250	161	56	33
252	Let's have a follow-up appointment when the contractions are less than five minutes apart.	1.4878	0.04670	246	161	50	35
253	No. I said use a vapor rub	1.4874	0.04678	238	154	52	32
254	Unfortunately this isn't covered under your COBRA insurance.	1.4873	0.04747	236	154	49	33
255	I'm afraid this won't be covered under your COBRA insurance.	1.4873	0.04709	236	153	51	32
256	Well, at least you’re covered by COBRA.	1.4870	0.05034	230	156	36	38
257	And remember this next time you promise to drain the swamp.	1.4868	0.04834	228	149	47	32
258	You just need to go home and unwind.	1.4868	0.04477	265	173	55	37
259	That’s going to make your prostate exam more challenging.	1.4867	0.04339	263	167	64	32
260	I can remove him, no problem, just be more careful around humans in the future.”	1.4865	0.04893	222	145	46	31
261	Do you hear a rattle when you cough?	1.4864	0.04516	257	167	55	35
262	Would you prefer a gown?	1.4863	0.04475	255	164	58	33
263	Unfortunately, this won't be covered by Cobra.	1.4861	0.05249	216	148	31	37
264	So...what brings you here today Mr. Jones?	1.4858	0.04620	247	161	52	34
265	Honestly Dan, I think you need to reconsider your choice of a support animal.	1.4857	0.04685	245	161	49	35
266	So, tell me why you’re here.	1.4855	0.04671	241	157	51	33
267	Well...despite what WebMD says, the numbness in your legs isn't cancer.	1.4855	0.04634	241	156	53	32
268	This is one time that I think snake oil will really work.	1.4854	0.04738	239	157	48	34
269	I'm sorry, but your COBRA doesn't cover everything.	1.4854	0.04848	239	160	42	37
270	Otherwise, it was a good vacation?	1.4851	0.04343	268	172	62	34
271	Any trouble swallowing?	1.4848	0.04460	231	143	64	24
272	I'm going to prescribe a small goat to help relieve that tightness.	1.4846	0.04342	260	165	64	31
273	Your plan doesn't cover this, but I can refer you to a Pentecostal church.	1.4845	0.04262	258	161	69	28
274	Have you considered a service dog?	1.4844	0.04392	256	163	62	31
275	I don't think this is covered in your COBRA policy	1.4843	0.04917	223	147	44	32
276	I noticed that you answered "no" to the question "Do you feel safe at home?"	1.4841	0.04584	252	165	52	35
277	This should be quick. I’ll just need you to stand up, turn around and drop the snake to your ankles, please.	1.4841	0.04444	252	161	60	31
278	I see you have COBRA coverage.	1.4837	0.04775	246	165	43	38
279	Well, the good news is we were able to remove the mole.”	1.4835	0.04251	273	174	66	33
280	You may want to reconsider your choice of an Emotional Support Animal.	1.4829	0.04598	263	176	47	40
281	Snake's date of birth?	1.4829	0.04371	263	169	61	33
282	The good news is your cholesterol levels are fine. The bad news is your blood pressure is 650 over 400.	1.4828	0.04611	232	148	56	28
283	And what seems to be the trouble today?	1.4823	0.04660	226	144	55	27
284	It is going around, I can tell you thát.	1.4822	0.04431	253	162	60	31
285	Yes, we do accept Cobra coverage.	1.4818	0.04798	220	142	50	28
286	Let me explain again the difference between a restrictive diet and a constrictive diet.	1.4812	0.04548	239	153	57	29
287	I'm going to prescribe you a mongoose. Should clear that right up.	1.4810	0.04616	237	153	54	30
288	Put two mice in the corner every four hours.	1.4803	0.04624	254	169	48	37
289	Sad to say, your COBRA doesn't even cover it.	1.4802	0.04728	227	147	51	29
290	As a veterinarian, I don't see anything wrong with him.	1.4800	0.04361	250	158	64	28
291	It appears you are suffering from vipertension.	1.4800	0.04589	225	142	58	25
292	Well I've narrowed it down to workplace stress, or the snake.	1.4797	0.04413	246	156	62	28
293	Give him two small mice and call me in the morning!	1.4797	0.04598	246	161	52	33
294	Does anyone besides you see the snake?	1.4795	0.04478	244	156	59	29
295	And is this snake in the room with you right now?	1.4792	0.04610	240	156	53	31
296	And you say this all started when he gave your wife an apple?	1.4792	0.04648	240	157	51	32
297	Hissing in your ears?	1.4786	0.04334	234	144	68	22
298	Sorry for the wait, Mr. Baker....So, what brings you in to see us today?	1.4784	0.04610	232	149	55	28
299	Mmmhm... and how far apart are the constrictions?	1.4784	0.04298	255	161	66	28
300	I'm afraid I specialize in internal medicine. Come back once it has consumed you.	1.4783	0.04431	230	143	64	23
301	Of course if it swallows you first we’ll have to try something more aggressive:	1.4781	0.04421	251	161	60	30
302	I see you’ve met our claims adjuster.	1.4778	0.04474	270	180	51	39
303	I'm not so much concerned about when you last ate, as I am with when it last ate.	1.4770	0.04045	283	178	75	30
304	Unfortunately, your COBRA doesn't cover this.	1.4770	0.04737	239	159	46	34
305	It's nothing serious but if it bothers you I can remove it.	1.4769	0.04591	216	135	59	22
306	It could be the python, but we'll run lots of tests to be sure.	1.4756	0.04674	225	145	53	27
307	I’m going to prescribe a mongoose.	1.4754	0.04515	244	158	56	30
308	Otherwise, you're in perfect health.	1.4754	0.04324	244	153	66	25
309	Well... I have your test results and it's definitely Irritable Boa Syndrome.	1.4754	0.04439	244	156	60	28
310	I think we should to a PET scan	1.4754	0.04285	244	152	68	24
311	This should hold you until you can afford the gastric band.	1.4753	0.04501	263	175	51	37
312	Trust me, this is more effective than an enema.	1.4743	0.04465	253	165	56	32
313	I see you picked up something from your trip to the Amazon.	1.4743	0.04358	253	162	62	29
314	So which one of you is the patient?	1.4741	0.04384	251	161	61	29
315	My problem with these trendy diets is that as soon as the snake comes off, you're eating again.	1.4739	0.04210	268	171	67	30
316	Your vitals are OK. Your bloodwork is good. No sign of heart disease. So I'm going to say the tightness in your chest is from the snake.	1.4737	0.04285	247	155	67	25
317	It says here your insurance doesn't cover preexisting constrictions.	1.4733	0.04453	281	191	47	43
318	Yeah, it’s going around.	1.4731	0.04236	260	165	67	28
319	OK you can put your pants back on	1.4729	0.04260	258	164	66	28
320	Sorry, this is Hematology. You want Herpetology.	1.4726	0.04334	237	148	66	23
321	I'm going to write you a little something to help you unwind.	1.4724	0.04162	254	158	72	24
322	This is the last letter I'm writing for your emotional support animal.	1.4721	0.04752	233	155	46	32
323	Sorry sir, this doesn't qualify you for medical marijuana.	1.4721	0.04594	233	151	54	28
324	Buy a mongoose and use as directed.	1.4714	0.04807	227	151	45	31
325	Sorry, you only have COBRA coverage.	1.4713	0.04697	244	164	45	35
326	He may not be in your network, but I can refer you to an excellent mongoose.	1.4709	0.04574	223	142	57	24
327	Two mice every fours hours.	1.4706	0.04521	238	154	56	28
328	Yes, we've recently been seeing a lot of this in South Florida. It's called Reptile Disfunction.	1.4704	0.04503	270	183	47	40
329	Well I see that you have COBRA coverage.	1.4701	0.04490	251	165	54	32
330	Shortness of breath can be caused by many things. Let’s not jump to conclusions.	1.4701	0.04538	234	151	56	27
331	Good news. It's not your prostate.	1.4699	0.04299	266	173	61	32
332	Preliminary tests indicate it's a snake.	1.4699	0.04332	266	174	59	33
333	I’m prescribing an anti-hssstamine.	1.4699	0.04335	249	159	63	27
334	Trust me. This is the best remedy for constipation you’ve ever seen.	1.4699	0.04624	249	167	47	35
335	I checked with your COBRA plan and unfortunately they aren't going to cover it.	1.4696	0.04826	247	171	36	40
336	I'm afraid this will be out-of-pocket for you. Your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.4696	0.04679	230	151	50	29
337	So what seems to be bothering you?	1.4693	0.04750	228	151	47	30
338	Good. I see you have COBRA coverage.	1.4692	0.04440	260	172	54	34
339	Well, your labs all came back normal. So, I guess we’re back to square one.	1.4690	0.04364	258	168	59	31
340	And does Eve have a last name?	1.4690	0.04259	258	165	65	28
341	Actually, when I said a pet could help lower your blood pressure, I was thinking more of a dog or a cat.	1.4690	0.04398	258	169	57	32
342	Good thing you're covered by Cobra.	1.4689	0.04279	273	179	60	34
343	So, how can I help you today?	1.4688	0.04424	256	168	56	32
344	What seems to be the trouble today?	1.4686	0.04735	239	161	44	34
345	It works like any laxative, but faster.	1.4685	0.04676	222	144	52	26
346	The good news is that the cancer won't kill you.	1.4683	0.04333	252	162	62	28
347	Let me guess...your covered by COBRA.	1.4682	0.05048	220	151	35	34
348	Well, I don't know what to tell you. All your labs came back normal.	1.4681	0.04681	235	156	48	31
349	So, to recap. You were picking apples. A naked woman said: ‘want one?’ And that’s the last you remember.	1.4681	0.04275	235	146	68	21
350	Well, of course, that could be the source of your chest pain, but wouldn’t you feel better if we ran a few tests first?	1.4675	0.04821	231	156	42	33
351	Any changes since your last check up?	1.4669	0.04348	242	154	63	25
352	You had your Lap-Band surgery in Brazil?	1.4669	0.04234	257	164	66	27
353	The real problem is you have a frog in your throat.	1.4669	0.04291	272	179	59	34
354	You say you caught it on a plane?	1.4667	0.04293	240	151	66	23
355	A rattle could mean any number of things.	1.4664	0.04283	253	162	64	27
356	I never thought I'd say this, but I think a bottle of snake oil might do the trick.	1.4664	0.04532	253	169	50	34
357	I'm sorry, but your insurance does not cover pre-existing constrictions.	1.4664	0.04712	238	160	45	33
358	And Eve, how is she feeling today?	1.4664	0.04712	238	160	45	33
359	Do you need a minute to unwind?	1.4661	0.04666	236	157	48	31
360	I’m prescribing a muscle relaxant - good luck getting her to take it.	1.4659	0.04296	249	159	64	26
361	I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but this isn't covered by COBRA.	1.4658	0.04657	234	155	49	30
362	It says here you have a service animal?	1.4656	0.04313	262	171	60	31
363	What brought you in today?	1.4653	0.04385	245	158	60	27
364	Yes, there is something definitely going around.	1.4651	0.04150	258	163	70	25
365	I'm prescribing a muscle relaxant -- not for you, for your friend.	1.4646	0.04483	226	144	59	23
366	More testing, yes. But my gut says it's the giant reticulated python.	1.4643	0.04729	224	148	48	28
367	Just one more question...how did you get that shirt off?	1.4640	0.04804	222	148	45	29
368	Lucky for you your COBRA coverage has kicked in.	1.4638	0.04719	235	158	45	32
369	The most puzzling question, Sir, is how you took your shirt off!”	1.4638	0.04757	235	159	43	33
370	I'm sorry. It looks like your COBRA coverage expired 2 weeks ago.	1.4632	0.04580	231	151	53	27
371	You just need to unwind	1.4628	0.04385	242	156	60	26
372	So, you're insured through COBRA?	1.4627	0.04538	255	172	48	35
373	Let's try something to help you unwind.	1.4624	0.04196	266	172	65	29
374	I won't lie to you, Barry. Your snake has a mild cold.	1.4624	0.04128	266	170	69	27
375	I will prescribe a mongoose. If that doesn’t work, come back next week	1.4622	0.04277	238	150	66	22
376	No, I prescribed a VASOconstrictor. Guess the nurse is right. I do need to work on my handwriting.	1.4622	0.04380	251	164	58	29
377	Looks like you’ve caught something that’s been going around.	1.4621	0.04081	264	167	72	25
378	I’m not sure how to code this for the insurance.	1.4619	0.04344	236	150	63	23
379	Your medical insurance carrier has authorized me to unwind two loops.	1.4615	0.04433	247	162	56	29
380	Blame your HMO, it's the only gastric band they'll pay for.	1.4615	0.04454	234	151	58	25
381	Any other complaints?	1.4612	0.04440	232	149	59	24
382	Glad I could squeeze you in.	1.4609	0.04332	243	156	62	25
383	Yeah, there’s definitely something going around.	1.4609	0.04635	230	152	50	28
384	First time in Florida?	1.4606	0.04358	241	155	61	25
385	Well...your cholesterol is fine.	1.4605	0.04231	228	141	69	18
386	All the lab tests are coming back negative. Quite frankly, we’re baffled.	1.4604	0.04275	265	174	60	31
387	Here, this may help you unwind.	1.4596	0.04439	235	152	58	25
388	It's just something that's been going around.	1.4593	0.04215	246	156	67	23
389	It looks like a severe case of irritable boa syndrome.	1.4593	0.04482	246	163	53	30
390	These days we have many successful treatments for ereptile dysfunction.	1.4591	0.04476	257	173	50	34
391	I recommend a PET scan.	1.4590	0.04358	244	158	60	26
392	New York Fashion Week already?	1.4590	0.04358	244	158	60	26
393	I'll just need your signature in three places.	1.4589	0.04537	231	151	54	26
394	I could remove it but they usually come right back.	1.4587	0.04601	218	141	54	23
395	So, what brings you here today?	1.4587	0.04461	242	159	55	28
396	I'n prescribing a muscle relaxant for both of you.	1.4585	0.04244	253	163	64	26
397	It started with a frog in my throat.	1.4585	0.04530	253	171	48	34
398	We 'll have to run some expensive tests, but fortunately you're covered by Cobra.	1.4579	0.04937	214	145	40	29
399	Bad news: your insurance doesn't cover removing it. Good news: it qualifies as an Emotional Support Animal	1.4577	0.04266	260	170	61	29
400	Take two Aspirin and lie down on a flat rock in the sun.	1.4575	0.04123	247	155	71	21
401	You think you’re being squeezed now...wait til you see my bill.	1.4574	0.04569	223	145	54	24
402	Technically yes, it does make you look fat.	1.4564	0.04317	241	155	62	24
403	So who am I here to see today?	1.4563	0.04180	252	161	67	24
404	I'm giving you something to help you unwind.	1.4563	0.04365	252	166	57	29
405	You're lucky - I squeezed you in today.	1.4561	0.04495	228	148	56	24
406	And what brings you in today?	1.4561	0.04452	228	147	58	23
407	The good news is that your hiccups are gone.	1.4561	0.04261	239	152	65	22
408	And what brings you into the office today?	1.4560	0.04204	250	160	66	24
409	I am sorry but your Cobra coverage has expired.	1.4559	0.04389	261	175	53	33
410	Monty, is that your python?	1.4558	0.04694	226	151	47	28
411	Well, some more bad news. You also have a tape worm.	1.4557	0.04647	237	160	46	31
412	And what else did the internet say about curing your sore throat?	1.4557	0.04491	237	156	54	27
413	Let me prescribe something to help you unwind.	1.4556	0.04305	248	161	61	26
414	How about we try no snake, and see if that helps?	1.4556	0.04242	259	169	62	28
415	This is the new colonoscopy prep. Works fast and most people like that they don't have to drink the two gallons of liquid.	1.4556	0.04277	259	170	60	29
416	Stick out your tongue. No, not you... him.	1.4553	0.04559	235	156	51	28
417	Can you sit up without your support animal?	1.4553	0.04292	246	159	62	25
418	I regret to inform you...it's the E-boa virus.	1.4553	0.04337	257	170	57	30
419	Your test results came back fine, but I'm afraid the snake has bronchitis.	1.4553	0.04121	257	164	69	24
420	I’m sorry to have kept you waiting. Tell me what brings you here today?	1.4553	0.04337	257	170	57	30
421	...and I would consider another service animal.	1.4549	0.04506	233	153	54	26
422	Tightening in the chest, hissing in the ears, any other symptoms Mr. Jones?	1.4545	0.04382	242	158	58	26
423	First tell me how you got here.	1.4545	0.04190	231	144	69	18
424	Good news. You're not having a heart attack.	1.4545	0.04576	231	153	51	27
425	and insurance ... okay, I see you're still covered by COBRA	1.4545	0.04343	242	157	60	25
426	For insurance purposes Iam just going to write tightness in chest.	1.4545	0.04458	253	170	51	32
427	The good news is we identified the problem. The bad news is he’s hungry.	1.4542	0.04448	240	158	55	27
428	You have a bad case of coilitis.	1.4541	0.04522	229	150	54	25
429	I'm sorry, it's an endangered species.	1.4539	0.04069	271	175	69	27
430	But it's more commonly known as Irritable Boa Syndrome.	1.4538	0.04366	249	164	57	28
431	I think you misunderstood when I suggested COBRA coverage!	1.4538	0.04512	249	168	49	32
432	Unfortunately, your new insurance won't pay for the scope, but Alice here knows her way around a colon. She'll be wearing a Go-Pro.	1.4538	0.04476	238	157	54	27
433	Hmm.. Bad news... you’re not covered for pre-existing constrictions...!	1.4537	0.04678	227	152	47	28
434	I'm prescribing an anti-compressant	1.4537	0.04678	227	152	47	28
435	Can't read this writing. Does it say it 'bowel constriction"...?	1.4537	0.04722	216	143	48	25
436	So - what seems to be the problem?	1.4535	0.04461	258	175	49	34
437	Other than attachment issues, he's in pretty good health.	1.4533	0.04449	225	145	58	22
438	No, there's little hope now. I'd recommend just getting the boots to match.	1.4531	0.04494	245	164	51	30
439	Any discomfort?	1.4531	0.04303	245	159	61	25
440	I guess we’ll have to skip the “take a deep breath” part	1.4529	0.04340	223	141	63	19
441	Yeah, this is probably the main drawback of the emotional-support snake.	1.4528	0.04371	265	179	52	34
442	Actually, I don't think your Cobra policy does cover this.	1.4524	0.04868	210	141	43	26
443	When did you become aware of the python, Monty?	1.4524	0.04400	252	168	54	30
444	Give it two hamsters and call me in the morning.	1.4520	0.04352	250	165	57	28
445	Here's something to help you unwind.	1.4517	0.04060	259	165	71	23
446	Yes, it's been going around.	1.4516	0.04424	217	138	60	19
447	It says here you have COBRA insurance?	1.4514	0.04300	257	170	58	29
448	I'm going to give you something for ereptile dysfunction.	1.4512	0.04731	246	172	37	37
449	I'd like to help but that's clearly a preexisting constriction.	1.4511	0.04517	235	156	52	27
450	So ‘Adam’ is it?	1.4508	0.04393	244	161	56	27
451	Give him one of these in the evening to help him unwind.	1.4508	0.04276	244	158	62	24
452	You can leave your snake on for this part of the exam.	1.4506	0.04166	253	163	66	24
453	I need you to take off your boa.	1.4505	0.04241	273	183	57	33
454	The results are in from the lab. It’s a python.	1.4504	0.04204	262	172	62	28
455	I'm sorry. Your COBRA plan doesn't over pythons.	1.4504	0.04374	262	177	52	33
456	The good news, it's not poisonous.	1.4502	0.04364	231	149	60	22
457	Sorry, but there's no cure for the common coiled.	1.4502	0.04533	231	153	52	26
458	He seems perfectly healthy	1.4500	0.04566	220	144	53	23
459	So, hissing sounds, tightness in the chest. Anything else?	1.4496	0.04434	238	157	55	26
460	As your vet, I'm going to prescribe a Valium to help you unwind, which should take care of that annoying human.	1.4492	0.04240	256	168	61	27
461	The good news is he says you're 120 over 80.	1.4490	0.04417	245	163	54	28
462	Good thing we were able to squeeze you in	1.4488	0.04478	254	173	48	33
463	Your eyes look good, so I'm taking you off the vasoconstrictor.	1.4488	0.04336	254	169	56	29
464	Take two live mice and call me in the morning.	1.4487	0.04191	263	173	62	28
465	So WebMD told you it was likely cancer?	1.4487	0.04191	263	173	62	28
466	Ice it three times a day until it hibernates.	1.4486	0.04659	214	141	50	23
467	Any difficulty swallowing?	1.4486	0.04327	243	159	59	25
468	Let's double the dosage on the muscle relaxer. Try giving it to the snake this time.	1.4486	0.04405	243	161	55	27
469	And you're saying the fruit was forbidden? By who exactly?	1.4481	0.04313	241	157	60	24
470	I think you just need to unwind.	1.4480	0.04424	250	168	52	30
471	When did you first notice a man in your coils?	1.4480	0.04387	250	167	54	29
472	You’re in luck...we accept Cobra.	1.4478	0.04711	230	157	43	30
473	As your veterinarian, I'm concerned that you've formed an unhealthy attachment to this man.	1.4478	0.04201	268	178	60	30
474	For a middle-aged snake your vitals look pretty good -- and I see your hunting skills are still up to par.	1.4477	0.04537	239	161	49	29
475	It might not be a panic attack after all.	1.4477	0.04003	277	180	70	27
476	I’ll order a coilonoscopy.	1.4474	0.04404	228	148	58	22
477	Any complaints since your last visit?	1.4473	0.04447	237	157	54	26
478	So, would you describe the pain as "dull," "aching," "shooting," or "crushing"?	1.4470	0.03967	264	168	74	22
479	Tell me again how you got your shirt off.	1.4467	0.04505	244	165	49	30
480	I highly recommend you set aside some time to unwind.	1.4463	0.04570	242	165	46	31
481	Well, the test results came back, and it turns out you have a large serpent wrapped around you.	1.4463	0.04178	242	155	66	21
482	I'm sorry, but this is considered a pre-existing condition.	1.4463	0.04570	242	165	46	31
483	You were better off when you were covered under COBRA.	1.4462	0.04552	251	173	44	34
484	Have you recently traveled outside of the United States?	1.4461	0.04221	269	180	58	31
485	When did you first start to feel contractions?	1.4459	0.04813	231	161	37	33
486	I think Alfred is fine, but I'm going prescribe him something for his separation anxiety.	1.4457	0.04142	276	184	61	31
487	Actually, I'd prescribed a vasoconstrictor. But your pressure has responded well.	1.4455	0.04848	211	143	42	26
488	Good news! I think we can save the snake.	1.4454	0.04392	238	157	56	25
489	This should get the two of you on the plane.	1.4454	0.04432	238	158	54	26
490	Any dryness, itching or shedding of skin?	1.4454	0.04185	238	152	66	20
491	Tell me again why you’re here.	1.4453	0.04302	265	179	54	32
492	It looks like you have a preexisting constriction.	1.4450	0.04730	218	147	45	26
493	I see the problem now, you can put your shirt back on.	1.4450	0.04640	218	145	49	24
494	I think it’s a pre-existing constriction.	1.4449	0.04797	227	157	39	31
495	You're fine, Bob, but your python has diarrhea. Good luck.	1.4449	0.04490	245	166	49	30
496	I think you need to unwind a bit.	1.4449	0.04049	263	170	69	24
497	I need you to remove the snake and put on that gown.	1.4449	0.04359	263	179	51	33
498	Is that the same one as last time?	1.4444	0.04124	243	155	68	20
499	Not to worry. I only use it for monitoring blood pressure, not for performing the actual colonoscopy.	1.4444	0.04592	243	167	44	32
500	Sorry, I'm a hematologist... I'm writing you a referral to the herpetologist.	1.4444	0.04285	243	159	60	24
501	I'm not sure COBRA will cover this.	1.4444	0.04369	270	186	48	36
502	He'll get hungry in about 6 weeks, but until then just don't piss him off.	1.4440	0.04166	268	178	61	29
503	I see you've met the drug rep.	1.4440	0.04530	250	172	45	33
504	Well it’s covered but only if your employer offers COBRA.	1.4440	0.04638	232	158	45	29
505	We find this gives a more accurate reading than the arm cuff.	1.4440	0.04718	232	160	41	31
506	Now which one of you two am I seeing today?	1.4436	0.04331	257	173	54	30
507	You're perfectly healthy. The snake just makes you look fat.	1.4435	0.04411	248	167	52	29
508	What brings you in to see me today?	1.4435	0.04299	248	164	58	26
509	You need to stop blaming Eve...	1.4435	0.04650	239	165	42	32
510	So, after trying alternative methods, you're ready to reconsider Western medicine?	1.4431	0.04356	255	172	53	30
511	Patients with your diagnosis have an average life expectancy of 45 minutes.	1.4431	0.04063	255	164	69	22
512	I'm glad we caught this early.	1.4426	0.04390	235	155	56	24
513	Next time, eat the apple.	1.4422	0.04335	251	168	55	28
514	I suggest you take some time to unwind.	1.4421	0.04492	242	164	49	29
515	The snake is in terrific shape.	1.4421	0.04297	242	159	59	24
516	We'll just need your signature here before we can begin treatment.	1.4421	0.04541	233	157	49	27
517	Results won’t be back for a few days, but from what I can tell, it’s a snake.	1.4419	0.04176	258	170	62	26
518	Were you dressed in something provacative?	1.4418	0.04506	249	171	46	32
519	You’ll find that a vasoconstrictor works much better.	1.4418	0.04434	249	169	50	30
520	It says here you're still covered by COBRA.	1.4418	0.04434	249	169	50	30
521	Two mice tonight, and call me in the morning.	1.4417	0.04363	240	159	56	25
522	It is ironic. Nevertheless, the condition is not covered while on COBRA insurance.	1.4416	0.04570	231	156	48	27
523	You’re fortunate we could squeeze you in today.	1.4414	0.04051	256	165	69	22
524	You can put your shirt on now.	1.4414	0.04482	256	177	45	34
525	You're lucky, my landlord won't even let me have a cat.	1.4412	0.04053	238	150	71	17
526	I still have to check your prostate.	1.4412	0.04587	238	163	45	30
527	So have you travelled outside the United States in the last 30 days?	1.4409	0.04260	254	169	58	27
528	Your snake's fine, Mr. Jones, but I suggest you see a physician immediately!	1.4409	0.04073	254	164	68	22
529	…and stay off planes.	1.4408	0.04179	245	159	64	22
530	Any recent lifestyle changes?	1.4407	0.04497	236	159	50	27
531	Your insurance says it looks like a pre-existing condition.	1.4405	0.04587	227	153	48	26
532	You say you think you picked this up on a plane?	1.4403	0.04162	243	157	65	21
533	Ok, so there's a few questions that I'll need to ask as you're a new patient. Do you smoke?	1.4402	0.04318	234	153	59	22
534	Feed it two good-sized rodents and call me in the morning.	1.4400	0.04309	250	167	56	27
535	It’s okay, choosing the right therapy animal takes time.	1.4400	0.04486	225	149	53	23
536	No, it's fine. A lot of my patients bring their comfort animals.	1.4400	0.04272	250	166	58	26
537	Well, the good news is that it isn't contagious.	1.4398	0.03869	266	169	77	20
538	You got something that's going around.	1.4398	0.04349	241	160	56	25
539	Here is a prescription for 25 mice. We'll see if that helps.	1.4395	0.04142	248	161	65	22
540	I'll give you something to help you unwind.	1.4394	0.04140	264	175	62	27
541	So what brings you into Urgent Care today?	1.4394	0.04035	264	172	68	24
542	Thanks to the Republicans this seems to be the one thing you actually have coverage for.	1.4393	0.04415	239	160	53	26
543	Could be the anaconda. Could be any number of things. Let's the what the lab results have to say.	1.4393	0.04533	239	163	47	29
544	You’ll never believe it, but last week I had a guy come in with a monkey on his back.	1.4393	0.04415	239	160	53	26
545	At the present time I'm less concerned about your flu symptoms than I am the whereabout of my resident assistant.	1.4393	0.04747	214	145	44	25
546	First, let me just say how impressed I am that you managed to change out of your clothes.	1.4392	0.04136	255	167	64	24
547	Would you describe the chest pain as sharp, dull or more of a constriction?	1.4390	0.04360	246	165	54	27
548	Perhaps you need a different kind of emotional support.	1.4390	0.04205	246	161	62	23
549	Any noticeable changes to your reptile dysfunction	1.4389	0.04435	262	182	45	35
550	Maybe we skip the colonoscopy today.	1.4389	0.04265	221	141	63	17
551	The nurse said remove everything, Mr. Chambers.	1.4388	0.04482	237	160	50	27
552	I'm sorry, but your COBRA policy does not cover large boa constriction.	1.4388	0.04639	237	164	42	31
553	I’m afraid you have the original preexisting condition.	1.4387	0.04308	253	170	55	28
554	Are you still with Eve?	1.4387	0.04308	253	170	55	28
555	Next of kin?	1.4386	0.04529	228	153	50	25
556	Shortness of breath is the most common side effect, but others experience constipation, skin irritation, and abject terror	1.4383	0.04707	235	164	39	32
557	We've found it works faster than laxatives.	1.4382	0.04406	251	171	50	30
558	Well, you're the third patient today with a mistaken Amazon delivery.	1.4382	0.04296	251	168	56	27
559	Well, the shortness of breath could be caused by any number of things.	1.4381	0.04514	226	151	51	24
560	I have a pretty good idea of what's going on but first I'm going to order a few tests.	1.4380	0.04295	242	160	58	24
561	She’s less accurate than the normal blood pressure machines, but she also helps with the mice.	1.4380	0.04413	242	163	52	27
562	I’m going to prescribe something to help you unwind.	1.4380	0.04566	242	167	44	31
563	The test results are back. We think it's a snake.	1.4380	0.04334	242	161	56	25
564	The good news is that we can rule out Lyme disease.	1.4380	0.04101	258	169	65	24
565	Oddly enough, COBRA does not cover cobra.	1.4378	0.04498	233	157	50	26
566	It’ll clear up with anti-hiss-tamines.	1.4378	0.04207	249	164	61	24
567	I’m prescribing a muscle relaxer.	1.4378	0.04168	249	163	63	23
568	So, have you been out of the country in the last six months?	1.4375	0.04440	240	162	51	27
569	Believe it or not, you're actually going to want to use snake oil for this.	1.4375	0.04514	256	179	42	35
570	I told you I accepted Cobra, not Boa.	1.4375	0.04479	240	163	49	28
571	I’ve seen this go a couple of ways ...	1.4370	0.03994	254	163	71	20
572	No, that's normal for boas. But if she still hasn't eaten anything by Monday, bring her back for another appointment.	1.4370	0.04184	254	168	61	25
573	I'm prescribing a muscle relaxer for your partner.	1.4370	0.04387	238	159	54	25
574	Ah, I see you brought your insurance company with you.	1.4370	0.04661	238	166	40	32
575	If there's nothing else I'll just go get my flute.	1.4369	0.04529	222	148	51	23
576	And when was you last boa movement?	1.4365	0.04463	252	174	46	32
577	Your emotional-support animal needs to come off too.	1.4363	0.04125	259	171	63	25
578	The tests were inconclusive. It's either a Burmese or Madagascar python.	1.4362	0.04160	243	158	64	21
579	Good news. It should fall off on its own in four to six days.	1.4361	0.04081	266	176	64	26
580	Look, I respect your persistence... but a snake coiled around your naked body is, again, not a good reason for me to prescribe medical marijuana.	1.4360	0.04194	250	165	61	24
581	And is Eve your ex-wife?	1.4358	0.04220	257	172	58	27
582	Do you have COBRA?	1.4356	0.04275	264	180	53	31
583	I thought you said BOWEL constriction.	1.4355	0.04370	248	168	52	28
584	I'm prescribing a strong mongoose.	1.4353	0.04342	232	153	57	22
585	Yes, Bob... definitely a case of Irritable Boa Syndrome.	1.4353	0.04244	255	171	57	27
586	And why did you come in today?	1.4350	0.04358	246	166	53	27
587	You're fine, but your snake is stressed out and needs to unwind.	1.4350	0.04042	246	158	69	19
588	Chest tightness, shortness of breath, feeling of impending doom...I think you’re having a panic attack.	1.4348	0.04342	253	172	52	29
589	How big was he when you got him? Where is your wife?	1.4348	0.04342	253	172	52	29
590	My apologies. It seems that 'topical anesthesia' was auto-corrected to 'tropical anaconda'...	1.4346	0.04324	260	178	51	31
591	You can get a second opinion if you want, but you really need to have that thing removed.	1.4344	0.04345	244	164	54	26
592	Has anything changed since last year's physical?	1.4342	0.04396	228	151	55	22
593	This is a more naturopathic approach for those with severe constipation.	1.4340	0.04627	235	163	42	30
594	Any other symptoms besides the tightness in your chest?	1.4340	0.04385	235	157	54	24
595	Frankly, I'm more concerned about your cholesterol.	1.4340	0.04730	212	144	44	24
596	You really need to find time to unwind	1.4336	0.04424	226	150	54	22
597	In your case, paying out of pocket will be a challenge.	1.4335	0.04412	233	156	53	24
598	So, what brings you in to see us today?	1.4335	0.04252	263	179	54	30
599	Take two rodents and call me in the morning.	1.4332	0.04648	217	147	46	24
600	You have coilitis.	1.4331	0.04255	254	171	56	27
601	So no frog in the throat anymore	1.4329	0.04482	231	156	50	25
602	Lets start with the good news, your ankles look great	1.4328	0.04384	238	160	53	25
603	So tell me, Frank, how long have you been experiencing erreptile disfunction?	1.4328	0.04384	238	160	53	25
604	I'll prescribe an antiboatic.	1.4327	0.04483	245	169	46	30
605	I guess we can skip the gown.	1.4327	0.04253	245	163	58	24
606	You may have a large snake wrapped around you, but we'll need to run some tests.	1.4324	0.04570	222	150	48	24
607	Your labs came back negative, so you're free to go.	1.4323	0.04292	229	150	59	20
608	We bought our medical equipment from the wrong Amazon.	1.4323	0.04510	229	155	49	25
609	After I was fired, I elected to be covered by COBRA	1.4323	0.04758	229	161	37	31
610	My diagnosis is that you have 3-6 minutes to live.	1.4321	0.04033	243	156	69	18
611	As a veterinarian, the snake will be my first priority.	1.4320	0.04451	250	173	46	31
612	Your comfort snake is anxious. Try getting him a dog.	1.4319	0.04325	257	176	51	30
613	I'm prescribing a muscle relaxant for the Boa	1.4317	0.04496	227	153	50	24
614	You're not the first man to come in here with Ereptile Disfunction.	1.4315	0.04538	241	167	44	30
615	Any other symptoms beyond shortness of breath?	1.4310	0.04382	232	155	54	23
616	Unfortunately, COBRA doesn't cover Boas.	1.4309	0.04431	246	169	48	29
617	Yes, tightness in the chest is a symptom of a heart attack, but it could be something else entirely.	1.4304	0.04396	237	160	52	25
618	Unfortunately, your insurance company lists this as a pre-existing condition.	1.4303	0.04254	251	169	56	26
619	Well I'm glad we could squeeze you in.	1.4302	0.04089	265	177	62	26
620	Perhaps we might consider a more appropriate support animal for you.	1.4299	0.04539	221	149	49	23
621	Sigh* What ELSE did the internet say you should do?	1.4298	0.04289	242	162	56	24
622	Sorry, but your comfort animal will have to stay in the waiting room.	1.4297	0.04278	249	168	55	26
623	There are several causes of cold feet. It could be a circulation problem.	1.4297	0.04278	249	168	55	26
624	I see you're covered by Aetna and Petplan."	1.4297	0.04192	256	172	58	26
625	Any chest pain, tightness, or difficulty breathing?	1.4296	0.04135	270	183	58	29
626	It's just a little something to help you unwind.	1.4292	0.04285	226	148	59	19
627	You can put your clothes back on,Mr. Matthews. I think we've identified the problem.	1.4292	0.04285	226	148	59	19
628	For once, I don't think the problem is your anxiety.	1.4292	0.04285	226	148	59	19
629	You have what used to be called “the grippe”.	1.4291	0.04599	247	175	38	34
630	I don't see how medicinal marijuana is going to improve this specific situation....	1.4291	0.04453	247	171	46	30
631	Yes Doctor I am still insured under Cobra	1.4291	0.04467	254	178	43	33
632	I'm also going to have to ask you to remove your boa.	1.4286	0.04328	245	166	53	26
633	I'm hearing a slight rattle.	1.4286	0.03933	273	180	69	24
634	I can't up your dose anymore. THIS IS our strongest emotional support pet.	1.4286	0.04300	238	159	56	23
635	It's as effective as gastric bypass, but less invasive.	1.4286	0.04351	231	154	55	22
636	And where is Eve?	1.4286	0.04540	238	165	44	29
637	This treatment has cured hiccups in 94.7% of those surviving the procedure.	1.4286	0.04192	259	175	57	27
638	Feed it two mice, and call me in the morning.	1.4286	0.04688	196	130	48	18
639	Voter suppression. Florida style.	1.4280	0.04188	271	186	54	31
640	Well.....you might want to consider a different therapy pet.	1.4280	0.04251	257	175	54	28
641	I'm going to give you something to help you unwind.	1.4280	0.04143	257	172	60	25
642	I'd say you have a snake wrapped around your body. That will be 1000 dollars.	1.4280	0.04354	243	165	52	26
643	Have you traveled to any foreign countries in the past month?	1.4280	0.04315	243	164	54	25
644	Have you traveled outside the country in the last 21 days?	1.4279	0.04523	222	150	49	23
645	I’m going to send you over to the zoo for a second opinion.	1.4276	0.03800	283	185	75	23
646	Not a serious problem - probably doesn’t know you from Adam	1.4275	0.04121	262	176	60	26
647	How would you describe your pain? With 1 being no pain, and 10 being crushed by a boa constrictor.	1.4275	0.04226	262	179	54	29
648	Any pets in the home?	1.4275	0.04085	262	175	62	25
649	Was there a woman and an apple involved?	1.4274	0.04380	241	164	51	26
650	It's a prescription for a mongoose.	1.4270	0.04167	267	182	56	29
651	Before I get to the diagnosis, I have to ask how you got undressed.	1.4268	0.04276	246	166	55	25
652	Have you recently traveled out of the country?	1.4268	0.04237	246	165	57	24
653	I'm sorry. Your COBRA insurance has expired.	1.4262	0.04530	244	171	42	31
654	No, I don't think it's just a panic attack.	1.4262	0.04059	244	159	66	19
655	I see you selected the COBRA option on your insurance plan.	1.4262	0.04417	244	168	48	28
656	Well, I think his tenure as an emotional support animal is pretty much over.	1.4262	0.04493	244	170	44	30
657	I guess "cough twice" is out of the question.	1.4262	0.04141	244	161	62	21
658	It's grown a lot since your last visit.	1.4262	0.04142	237	155	63	19
659	I can only say that your wife Eve told a different story.	1.4260	0.03957	277	185	66	26
660	This will help you unwind.	1.4259	0.04471	216	144	52	20
661	So, why have you come to see me today?	1.4259	0.04231	270	187	51	32
662	Well, he has malnutrition, but that should resolve itself soon.	1.4259	0.04518	216	145	50	21
663	And how frequent are the constrictions?	1.4258	0.04369	256	178	47	31
664	So, a tightening in your chest. Any other symptoms?	1.4257	0.04313	249	170	52	27
665	Meditation could help you both unwind.	1.4257	0.04042	249	163	66	20
666	I think I see what the problem is, but your insurance requires that I get a second opinion.	1.4255	0.04295	235	157	56	22
667	I’m sorry I couldn’t squeeze you in earlier.	1.4254	0.04345	228	152	55	21
668	I'm going to prescribe some Xanax for your friend. That should help her unwind.	1.4254	0.04256	228	150	59	19
669	I hear it’s going around.	1.4252	0.04500	214	143	51	20
670	Ah, type B, O, and A.	1.4251	0.04506	207	137	52	18
671	So, what do you do to unwind?	1.4251	0.04338	247	169	51	27
672	And...it might be a good idea for Eve to come in also.	1.4247	0.04656	219	151	43	25
673	Other than that you're pretty healthy.	1.4246	0.04085	252	167	63	22
674	And you said you hear hissing in which ear?	1.4246	0.04162	252	169	59	24
675	Did you eat the apple?	1.4245	0.04402	245	169	48	28
676	What can I do for you?	1.4244	0.04419	238	163	49	26
677	The good news is, there's nothing medically wrong with you.	1.4244	0.03985	271	181	65	25
678	Look, I'll do some tests but I'm pretty sure you've got a snake wrapped around your neck.	1.4241	0.04103	257	172	61	24
679	Unfortunately, it’s an endangered species and we will have to let your condition run it’s course.	1.4241	0.04445	224	151	51	22
680	You’re okay, but it sounds like he might have a frog in his throat.	1.4240	0.04108	250	166	62	22
681	First, tell me how you were able to remove your clothes!	1.4240	0.04502	217	146	50	21
682	And how do you feel about Eve now, Adam?	1.4240	0.04596	217	148	46	23
683	This should help you unwind.	1.4240	0.04549	217	147	48	22
684	The bad news is she'll probably swallow you whole. The good news is you'll be part of the marvelous cycle of life.	1.4239	0.03999	276	186	63	27
685	Don't tell me, you bought it on Amazon.	1.4239	0.04351	243	166	51	26
686	This is the only case where prescribing snake oil actually works.	1.4238	0.04708	210	144	43	23
687	I'm prescribing a flute and music lessons.	1.4237	0.04364	236	160	52	24
688	It's time for you to unwind.	1.4237	0.04405	236	161	50	25
689	I’m going to prescribe you adder-all	1.4236	0.04286	229	152	57	20
690	Does it rattle when you pee?	1.4234	0.04652	222	154	42	26
691	Yes, it’s clearly something that’s going around.	1.4233	0.04182	215	138	63	14
692	I’m sorry but it looks like your insurance plan covers boa constrictors, anacondas, and other members of the boa family, but what you have there is a reticulated python.	1.4232	0.04456	241	167	46	28
693	I can prescribe something for your high blood pressure, or, you can get rid of the snake.	1.4231	0.04105	260	175	60	25
694	You seem tense. Before we begin this examination, I want you to relax, unwind and tell me what's eating you.	1.4229	0.04149	253	170	59	24
695	I am referring you to a specialist, don’t worry, he’s a real charmer.	1.4229	0.04489	227	155	48	24
696	Looks like a serious case of full-monty python	1.4228	0.04500	246	173	42	31
697	I think we know what this is but I'll need to run a few more tests to be sure.	1.4226	0.04364	239	163	51	25
698	On your intake form you checked, "difficulty breathing;" Are you a smoker?	1.4226	0.04522	239	167	43	29
699	We don't accept your coverage. Don't you have a COBRA?	1.4226	0.04072	239	156	65	18
700	With your insurance, we can get a snake charmer in next Tuesday.	1.4226	0.04364	239	163	51	25
701	Unfortunately, your plan does not cover pre-existing constrictors.	1.4224	0.04376	232	157	52	23
702	I know you don't like taking medication but I'm going to give you something to help you unwind.	1.4223	0.04017	251	165	66	20
703	Any known allergy to mongooses, Mr. Jones?	1.4222	0.03925	270	179	68	23
704	Your insurance company says this is a preexisting condition.	1.4221	0.04070	263	177	61	25
705	I'm referring you to Dr. Mortenson. She's quite the charmer.	1.4218	0.04543	211	142	49	20
706	Here is a prescription for a big mongoose.	1.4217	0.04488	230	158	47	25
707	I know the feeling. I have student loans.	1.4217	0.04359	230	155	53	22
708	I’m going to write a prescription for a little something that will help you unwind.	1.4217	0.04227	230	152	59	19
709	The good news is the tightness in your chest has nothing to do with your heart.	1.4215	0.04203	242	162	58	22
710	I guess we can eliminate family history.	1.4213	0.04163	235	155	61	19
711	This is the one condition where snake oil really does work.	1.4213	0.04391	254	178	45	31
712	Do you know when the boa last ate?	1.4211	0.04220	247	167	56	24
713	There’s definitely something going around.	1.4204	0.04244	245	166	55	24
714	On the bright side, this delays your prostate exam.	1.4203	0.03964	276	186	64	26
715	I'm sorry, but we cannot not allow your emotional support animal to be with you during the colonoscopy.	1.4202	0.04352	257	180	46	31
716	I'll prescribe you an antiboatic.	1.4202	0.04375	238	163	50	25
717	We think our new Stress Test is far more affordable and accurate but yes, we’ve had complaints.”	1.4202	0.04375	238	163	50	25
718	Im gonna prescribe a muscle-relaxant. That'll straighten him out.	1.4199	0.04344	231	156	53	22
719	"Shortness of breath can be caused by many things.	1.4198	0.04229	243	164	56	23
720	Actually, you are fine...except for the snake.	1.4198	0.04309	243	166	52	25
721	Don't worry, it will shed in a few weeks.	1.4197	0.03882	274	182	69	23
722	Your insurance covers python prevention but not python removal.	1.4196	0.03892	255	166	71	18
723	If possible, I'd like the $20 co-pay now.	1.4195	0.04094	267	182	58	27
724	Of course you’re constipated... your asp is too tight...	1.4194	0.04396	248	173	46	29
725	And your health insurance is a ... Cobra plan?	1.4194	0.04506	248	176	40	32
726	So, do you want to live free or die?	1.4194	0.04729	217	152	39	26
727	The good news is, your scoliosis has cleared up.	1.4192	0.04102	260	176	59	25
728	A compression bandage would have worked just as well.	1.4192	0.04174	260	178	55	27
729	It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, John. A lot of men have problems with their snakes.	1.4192	0.04371	229	155	52	22
730	Your legs look healthy.	1.4187	0.04071	246	163	63	20
731	Your blood pressure is quite elevated Mr. Jones, so I'm writing you a prescription for that. I wouldn't worry about the snake, it seems quite healthy.	1.4187	0.04231	246	167	55	24
732	I don't care if it makes you calm. I'm not signing this airline form.	1.4187	0.04606	246	177	35	34
733	There is no good news. You have become his therapy animal.	1.4186	0.04124	258	175	58	25
734	I should've gone with the leeches.	1.4186	0.04480	215	145	50	20
735	The good thing about this condition is that it’s easily detectable.	1.4185	0.04217	227	150	59	18
736	Sorry you're not covered under COBRA.	1.4185	0.04657	227	160	39	28
737	Shortness of breath is quite common with your condition	1.4184	0.04279	239	162	54	23
738	So let me get this right. Your boyfriend said he had a fantasy of you showing up at his doorstep wearing nothing but a boa?	1.4184	0.04401	239	165	48	26
739	All your tests came back normal.	1.4182	0.03939	275	185	65	25
740	Anything else besides shortness of breath?	1.4181	0.04540	232	162	43	27
741	I'm afraid your H.R. Department doesn't quite understand the COBRA concept.	1.4180	0.04295	244	167	52	25
742	Will you need a note for work?	1.4180	0.03997	256	170	65	21
743	I'm prescribing a mongoose for your symptoms.	1.4179	0.04012	268	181	62	25
744	I'm sorry sir, but this procedure isn't covered by your COBRA plan.	1.4177	0.04345	249	173	48	28
745	First a monkey on your back and now this?	1.4176	0.04161	261	179	55	27
746	It's probably just pressure - you should go somewhere and unwind.	1.4174	0.04240	242	164	55	23
747	It's something that's going around.	1.4173	0.04095	254	171	60	23
748	Unfortunately, Mr. Haverford, that’s a python. Your healthcare provider only covers boas.	1.4171	0.04686	211	146	42	23
749	You don't have COBRA.	1.4170	0.04495	235	164	44	27
750	What’s the nature of your visit?	1.4170	0.04294	247	170	51	26
751	Let's see, trouble breathing, tightness in the chest. Is that all?	1.4170	0.04112	259	176	58	25
752	As your vet, I must say everything looks fine.	1.4170	0.04148	259	177	56	26
753	Shortness of breath. Tightness in the stomach. Anything else?	1.4167	0.04346	240	165	50	25
754	I say we just keep an eye on it and see if it gets any worse.	1.4167	0.04599	204	138	47	19
755	Your tests came back normal. It’s probably just anxiety.	1.4167	0.04055	264	179	60	25
756	Take two field mice and call me in the morning.	1.4167	0.04465	240	168	44	28
757	This should help you both unwind	1.4167	0.04040	252	168	63	21
758	Looks like I'm not the only one who squeezed you in today.	1.4167	0.04342	252	176	47	29
759	And finally, would you say you feel safe at home?	1.4163	0.04243	257	178	51	28
760	Unfortunately, that snake has you better covered than your health insurance.	1.4163	0.04399	233	160	49	24
761	Sounds like a panic attack, but let me take a look at you.	1.4163	0.04528	221	152	46	23
762	Definitely come see me if you notice it getting bigger.	1.4160	0.03931	262	174	67	21
763	I see your COBRA payments have kicked in.	1.4160	0.04476	250	178	40	32
764	I’m prescribing an anti strangulant.	1.4160	0.04035	238	156	65	17
765	So, what happened to Eve?	1.4160	0.04331	238	163	51	24
766	Chuck, what you've got is going around.	1.4157	0.04194	255	175	54	26
767	Taking patient's blood pressure is Larry's favorite part of the job.	1.4157	0.04339	255	179	46	30
768	I’ve seen bigger.	1.4156	0.04266	243	166	53	24
769	You've got what's going around	1.4156	0.04226	243	165	55	23
770	It’s going to be tricky to find you an in-network mongoose.	1.4156	0.04469	231	160	46	25
771	We think we know the problem, but we'll check you for Lyme disease just in case.	1.4156	0.04427	231	159	48	24
772	It says here that you've been under a lot of pressure lately...	1.4156	0.04427	231	159	48	24
773	Did't you also have a Poodle	1.4154	0.04135	272	189	53	30
774	One mouse a day at 4 P.M.	1.4154	0.03989	260	174	64	22
775	COBRA plans aren't what they used to be.	1.4154	0.04345	260	184	44	32
776	It seems the monkey on your back was eaten by something else.	1.4153	0.04125	248	167	59	22
777	The snake actually covers you better than your health insurance does.	1.4153	0.04357	236	162	50	24
778	I'm sorry it took so long for you to be seen, but for future reference "There's a boa around my neck" has multiple meanings.	1.4153	0.04357	236	162	50	24
779	And is that when you told Eve it was her fault?	1.4149	0.04564	241	172	38	31
780	We found no one liked the blood pressure cuff.	1.4148	0.04539	229	160	43	26
781	Let's see . . . non-smoker, no history of major illness, no surgeries . . . so, what brings you in today?	1.4147	0.04634	217	151	42	24
782	Maybe you're not as charming as you think.	1.4146	0.04227	246	168	54	24
783	Let's postpone your colonoscopy.	1.4144	0.04064	263	179	59	25
784	Instagram or Snapchat?	1.4143	0.04166	251	171	56	24
785	So I guess we should reschedule that colonoscopy?	1.4143	0.04166	251	171	56	24
786	I'm sorry, your insurance only covers bites, not constrictions.	1.4143	0.04700	210	146	41	23
787	So, you say it is more of a hiss rather than a ringing in your ears?	1.4142	0.04151	239	160	59	20
788	I'm writing you a prescription to unwind.	1.4141	0.04259	227	152	56	19
789	I still think gastric bypass was the better option...	1.4141	0.04439	227	156	48	23
790	I still don't quite get how it ate your pants.	1.4141	0.04107	256	174	58	24
791	Sorry, but you only get COBRA coverage if you've lost your job.	1.4141	0.04217	256	177	52	27
792	For starters, you've become too attached to your pet.	1.4140	0.04427	215	145	51	19
793	No sir, I don’t think it’s ringworm.	1.4139	0.04252	244	167	53	24
794	Anything else?	1.4139	0.03956	273	185	63	25
795	Current address still: Eden, Garden of? Emergency contact: Eve?	1.4138	0.04618	232	165	38	29
796	Any recent trips overseas?	1.4137	0.04151	249	169	57	23
797	I think you'll find that when we get this removed, a colonoscopy won't seem so bad.	1.4135	0.04301	237	162	52	23
798	Some airlines have tightened their rules lately, but this letter might help.	1.4134	0.04092	254	172	59	23
799	And you're Monty, I take it?	1.4134	0.04350	254	179	45	30
800	Take two mice and call me in the morning.	1.4131	0.04697	213	149	40	24
801	I'm afraid my recommendation will depend on which one of you has better insurance.	1.4130	0.04565	230	162	41	27
802	Let's not jump to any conclusions until we can run some tests.	1.4130	0.04014	247	164	64	19
803	Yes we can remove it. No it's not called a Hissterectomy.	1.4128	0.04285	235	160	53	22
804	Kick once for yes, two for no.	1.4128	0.04156	235	157	59	19
805	No, I'm sure you won't need another appointment.	1.4128	0.04285	235	160	53	22
806	We all agree. It's an Anaconda. Was there anything else?	1.4125	0.03904	257	170	68	19
807	A vet would've been a lot less expensive.	1.4125	0.04094	257	175	58	24
808	Ah, I see you’ve already met Dr. Boa. He’ll be preforming your colonoscopy today.	1.4123	0.04800	228	166	30	32
809	So what’s the reason for the visit?	1.4122	0.04077	245	164	61	20
810	Any family history of this sort of thing?	1.4122	0.04158	245	166	57	22
811	The good news is, it's not asthma.	1.4120	0.04438	233	162	46	25
812	You think you feel squeezed now, wait 'til you see my bill.	1.4120	0.04396	233	161	48	24
813	The good news is it’s temporary, the bad news is I’m talking to the snake.	1.4120	0.04268	233	158	54	21
814	Who sold you this COBRA plan?	1.4120	0.04438	233	162	46	25
815	So what seems to be the trouble?	1.4120	0.04214	250	172	53	25
816	For insurance purposes, I'm going to call this a major constriction.	1.4118	0.04203	238	161	56	21
817	Looks like this time he charmed the pants off of you.	1.4118	0.04746	221	158	35	28
818	Okay, lets try one blink for yes and twice for no!	1.4118	0.04449	238	167	44	27
819	Look, I’m a hepatologists, and your liver looks in really good shape. You need a herpetologist for that other thing.	1.4115	0.04096	260	178	57	25
820	So, we’ll skip the rectal exam today.	1.4113	0.03928	282	193	62	27
821	When's the last time either of you ate?	1.4113	0.04022	231	151	65	15
822	Well, your blood pressure is high, but that won’t matter much longer.	1.4113	0.04590	231	164	39	28
823	Otherwise, how was your trip to the Everglades?	1.4113	0.04205	231	155	57	19
824	Let me guess, it's after the frog in your throat.	1.4111	0.04215	253	175	52	26
825	Your relationship isn’t toxic, but it is suffocating.	1.4111	0.03985	253	169	64	20
826	The good news? The tightness in your chest has nothing to with your heart.”	1.4110	0.04142	236	158	59	19
827	Sorry...undress means removing your boa too...	1.4110	0.04228	236	160	55	21
828	Other than trouble taking a deep breath, no complaints?	1.4110	0.04269	219	146	56	17
829	To lower your blood pressure, I’m prescribing a live goat.	1.4109	0.03967	275	188	61	26
830	It’s not terminal. For the snake.	1.4108	0.04165	241	163	57	21
831	That's not what I meant when I said you should have COBRA coverage." Joan Black, Easton Connecticu	1.4107	0.04823	224	163	30	31
832	The good news is, you don't have worms.	1.4107	0.04434	224	154	48	22
833	And is it causing you any discomfort?	1.4106	0.03916	263	176	66	21
834	Well, all our tests are negative. But tell me again why you brought this man with you?	1.4106	0.04302	246	171	49	26
835	So Adam, What seems to be the problem?	1.4106	0.04340	246	172	47	27
836	I've seen dozens of patients come in with monkeys on their backs, but this is a first.	1.4106	0.04064	246	165	61	20
837	So he's having trouble swallowing?	1.4105	0.04364	229	157	50	22
838	You need to find a different support animal.	1.4104	0.04041	268	184	58	26
839	So, for your first drag queen appearance, when they said, “Wear a boa” they meant a feathery, long scarf.	1.4104	0.04276	251	175	49	27
840	I'm sorry to tell you, Mr. Johnson, but we can't do anything for you without a referral from your vet.	1.4104	0.04007	251	168	63	20
841	That reminds me, Mr. Johnson, you're due for a colonoscopy.	1.4104	0.04239	251	174	51	26
842	Have you been under a lot of pressure lately?	1.4104	0.04276	251	175	49	27
843	You may experience some loss of bladder control.	1.4104	0.04201	251	173	53	25
844	And the prescription for Xanax will help you unwind.	1.4103	0.04380	234	162	48	24
845	I’m going to write a prescription for Viagra which should straighten this whole thing out.	1.4102	0.04322	256	181	45	30
846	We could play the good news / bad news game, but you really don't have a lot of time for that.	1.4101	0.04296	217	145	55	17
847	Your chest feels tight? Well, that could be a lot of things.	1.4100	0.04189	239	162	56	21
848	Sorry for the wait... I’m having trouble finding the right medical billing code.	1.4097	0.04163	227	151	59	17
849	Tightness in the chest. Anything else?	1.4097	0.04435	227	157	47	23
850	We received the test results and I think I finally know what the problem is	1.4095	0.04447	210	142	50	18
851	I am sorry but there just isn't anything we can do for the common coiled.	1.4095	0.04365	232	160	49	23
852	It says here you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately.	1.4095	0.04235	232	157	55	20
853	The problem is that seems to be a python and, the thing of it is, we only accept COBRA.	1.4093	0.04567	215	149	44	22
854	This does seem to be going around.	1.4093	0.04298	237	163	51	23
855	Sorry but your insurance doesn't cover pre-constricted conditions	1.4093	0.04069	259	177	58	24
856	No, I will not certify him as an emotional support snake"	1.4091	0.04254	220	147	56	17
857	Any tightening in the chest?	1.4091	0.04353	242	169	47	26
858	Let's start with why you don't have any clothes on.	1.4089	0.04249	247	171	51	25
859	Prunes will do the job and are less restrictive.	1.4089	0.04091	247	167	59	21
860	You just left your job. I guess it's safe to assume you have COBRA coverage.	1.4089	0.04438	247	176	41	30
861	I am going to give you something to unwind.	1.4089	0.04210	247	170	53	24
862	So how is COBRA working out for you?	1.4089	0.04249	247	171	51	25
863	Ah, I see you are being prepped for your colonoscopy.	1.4088	0.03873	274	185	66	23
864	Take two a day for you reptile disfunction.	1.4087	0.04225	252	175	51	26
865	I’m prescribing Valium for you and cyanide for your friend. Be careful not to mix them up.	1.4087	0.04187	252	174	53	25
866	Trust me he's not covered under your COBRA plan.	1.4085	0.04281	235	161	52	22
867	I see you have been spending time in the White House.....	1.4085	0.04608	235	169	36	30
868	The X-rays show you have a human stuck in your coils.	1.4085	0.03906	284	195	62	27
869	If I were you, Mr. Morris, I'd choose a different emotional support animal.	1.4083	0.04217	240	164	54	22
870	We need to do a hisssterectomy.	1.4083	0.04298	240	166	50	24
871	Yes, a lot of it's going around.	1.4083	0.04520	218	151	45	22
872	Take these twice a day with food. Also, you may want to do something about the snake.	1.4082	0.04114	245	166	58	21
873	You might have picked something up while visiting Brazil.	1.4082	0.03990	245	163	64	18
874	You've certainly gone to great lengths to avoid your prostate exam.	1.4081	0.04624	223	158	39	26
875	There’s no magic pill. You just need to unwind.	1.4081	0.04354	223	152	51	20
876	So, Adam, I'm guessing you ate the apple.	1.4080	0.04056	250	169	60	21
877	You also have chlamydia.	1.4080	0.04398	250	178	42	30
878	Can you still see this "snake"?	1.4078	0.04188	255	177	52	26
879	So this happened right after she handed you the apple?	1.4077	0.04350	233	161	49	23
880	I'm going to have to ask you to turn your cellphone off.	1.4077	0.04516	233	165	41	27
881	We’ll know more after your tests come back,	1.4077	0.04019	260	177	60	23
882	So I'm going to put down 'emotional support animal'.	1.4076	0.04157	238	161	57	20
883	Lab test results say it's a snake.	1.4076	0.04365	238	166	47	25
884	You've got a snake, I'm left-handed; we all have our problems.	1.4074	0.04219	243	167	53	23
885	I'm afraid our options are somewhat constricted.	1.4074	0.04137	243	165	57	21
886	Other than that, how was the trip to the Amazon?	1.4074	0.04178	243	166	55	22
887	Let's go with "Shortness of breath, other."	1.4074	0.04338	243	170	47	26
888	I should probably skip asking you to take a deep breath.	1.4071	0.04174	253	175	53	25
889	You should have gone with the non-binding agreement.	1.4070	0.04223	258	181	49	28
890	It's a Catch-22. I can't treat you until you sign a waiver.	1.4069	0.04376	231	160	48	23
891	Give it three mice every four hours and call me in the morning.	1.4069	0.04156	231	155	58	18
892	Yes, that's probably a python, but I'd like to do CAT scan and a few other expensive tests to be sure.	1.4068	0.03986	263	179	61	23
893	Any tightness in your chest?	1.4065	0.04484	214	147	47	20
894	First, the good news. Your chest pain isn't a heart attack.	1.4065	0.04019	246	165	62	19
895	So you’re still using your Cobra insurance?	1.4064	0.04861	219	160	29	30
896	Let's try a different comfort animal "	1.4064	0.04082	251	171	58	22
897	Which one of you am I seeing first?	1.4064	0.03784	283	191	69	23
898	And have you travelled to any tropical countries in the past 30 days?	1.4062	0.03909	256	171	66	19
899	If it gets any bigger, let us know.	1.4061	0.03970	261	177	62	22
900	I'm a little concerned about your blood pressure.	1.4061	0.04134	229	153	59	17
901	In this case, snake oil is exactly what you need.	1.4060	0.04377	234	163	47	24
902	I’d still like to run a few tests to be sure.	1.4059	0.04185	239	163	55	21
903	You’re fine, but the snake has a hernia.	1.4057	0.04124	244	166	57	21
904	As you make payments towards my bill, we will replace him with progressively smaller snakes.	1.4056	0.04183	249	172	53	24
905	This isn't quite doing it. I'm going to try you on Anaconda for a month.	1.4054	0.04366	222	152	50	20
906	So, what’s been eating you?	1.4053	0.04220	264	187	47	30
907	I'm only a student but chest pressure, shortness of breath, anxiety sounds like a panic attack to me.	1.4053	0.04603	227	162	38	27
908	So,what’s the problem.	1.4053	0.04297	227	155	52	20
909	You said you were ok with a generic vasoconstrictor.	1.4051	0.04417	237	167	44	26
910	OK, but no discomfort in the lower legs, is that right?	1.4051	0.04210	237	162	54	21
911	Besides that, how are you feeling in general?	1.4051	0.04210	237	162	54	21
912	Is anything else bothering you ?	1.4050	0.04147	242	165	56	21
913	Unfortunately, an anti-hiss-tamine won’t help this time around.	1.4050	0.04270	242	168	50	24
914	The snake is overweight, but everything else is normal.	1.4049	0.04412	205	138	51	16
915	This will work like a charmer.	1.4049	0.04167	247	170	54	23
916	So Howard, what brings you in today?	1.4048	0.04221	252	176	50	26
917	Any other pressing problems?	1.4048	0.04107	252	173	56	23
918	I'll write an Emotional Support letter,but I don't think they'll let you board.	1.4047	0.04012	257	175	60	22
919	I recommend a coilonoscopy.	1.4046	0.03883	262	176	66	20
920	On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the pressure?	1.4045	0.04624	220	156	39	25
921	I’m afraid your insurance only covers animal bites. Let’s just wait a while and see what happens.	1.4045	0.04012	267	184	58	25
922	Mrs. Davis, do you mind if I speak to your husband alone for a few minutes?	1.4044	0.04369	225	155	49	21
923	What can I do for you today, Mr. Jones?	1.4043	0.04388	230	160	47	23
924	I’m prescribing some snake oil to loosen that up.	1.4043	0.04211	230	156	55	19
925	And finally Adam, do you feel safe at home?	1.4043	0.04525	235	168	39	28
926	You'll need to remove the snake,too.	1.4042	0.04335	240	168	47	25
927	Any pre-constricting conditions?	1.4042	0.04213	240	165	53	22
928	Have you traveled outside the United States in the last six months?	1.4041	0.04110	245	167	57	21
929	Have you travelled outside the US recently?	1.4041	0.04110	245	167	57	21
930	I'm prescribing a new pet.	1.4041	0.04110	245	167	57	21
931	Feed him two rats and try to call me in the morning.	1.4041	0.04270	245	171	49	25
932	You wouldn’t believe the day I’m having.	1.4040	0.04091	250	171	57	22
933	So you'd just bitten into the apple?	1.4040	0.03972	250	168	63	19
934	Anything more specific than 'shortness of breath'?	1.4040	0.04169	250	173	53	24
935	So, what seems to be the matter?	1.4039	0.04496	203	138	48	17
936	Oh,him? He's just here to check your prostate.	1.4039	0.04257	255	180	47	28
937	Rate your constriction on a scale of 1 to 10.	1.4039	0.04365	255	183	41	31
938	I’m hoping this muscle relaxer will do the trick.	1.4039	0.03957	255	172	63	20
939	Good news! I found a herpetologist in your provider network.	1.4038	0.03865	260	174	67	19
940	So, shortness of breath, difficulty sleeping and range of motion restrictions in the arms and shoulders; we'll need to run some tests.	1.4038	0.04782	213	153	34	26
941	I believe a dog would be a better comfort animal.	1.4036	0.03961	275	190	59	26
942	Any tightness in the chest?	1.4036	0.04442	223	155	46	22
943	If the snake doesn’t spark joy, I suggest getting rid of it.	1.4036	0.03942	280	194	59	27
944	Unfortunately our herpetologists are all out of network.	1.4034	0.04320	238	166	48	24
945	Other than that, would you rate your overall health as excellent, good, or fair?	1.4033	0.04008	243	163	62	18
946	Again?"	1.4032	0.04270	248	174	48	26
947	Shortness of breath? Any other symptoms I should know about?	1.4031	0.04074	258	178	56	24
948	So, how's Eve?	1.4030	0.03982	263	180	60	23
949	You’re lucky I could squeeze you in.	1.4026	0.04499	231	164	41	26
950	It’s funny, but this us not covered by your COBRA insurance!	1.4025	0.04387	236	166	45	25
951	Certainly, the snake is one possible explanation for your shortness of breath. However, I make a lot more money if we run a series of unnecessary tests.	1.4025	0.04400	241	171	43	27
952	It's a tropical thing that's going around.	1.4024	0.03932	246	164	65	17
953	How can I examine this snake with you in there?	1.4024	0.04295	246	173	47	26
954	Your insurance only covers snakes under ten feet long.	1.4024	0.04137	246	169	55	22
955	Any other symptoms?	1.4024	0.03999	251	170	61	20
956	The good news is that it's not a tapeworm.	1.4024	0.04039	251	171	59	21
957	Do you have cobra insurance?	1.4024	0.04306	251	178	45	28
958	You’re lucky I went to medical school in the Caribbean.	1.4024	0.04039	251	171	59	21
959	You gotta unwind.	1.4018	0.04334	224	154	50	20
960	Unfortunately Mr. Monty, your health plan doesn’t cover Ereptile Dysfunction!	1.4017	0.04386	239	169	44	26
961	So what seems to be the matter here?	1.4017	0.04346	239	168	46	25
962	I see you still have your COBRA benefits, everything else the same?	1.4016	0.04320	244	172	46	26
963	Have you traveled out of the country in the last three weeks?	1.4016	0.04201	244	169	52	23
964	By 'pre-existing,' I mean you had it before you got here.	1.4016	0.04268	254	180	46	28
965	I see that you marked “Yes” on “Shortness of Breath”.	1.4015	0.04006	264	182	58	24
966	This requires an injection. Would you like it in your arm or your asp?	1.4009	0.04668	217	155	37	25
967	This perscription will help you unwind.	1.4009	0.04201	227	154	55	18
968	When I said a restricted diet, I meant a calorie-restricted diet.	1.4009	0.04046	232	155	61	16
969	It's the high blood pressure that worries me	1.4008	0.04184	242	167	53	22
970	Okay, trouble breathing. Any other symptoms?	1.4008	0.04163	247	171	53	23
971	Any family history of anacondas, boa constrictors or reticulated pythons?	1.4008	0.04065	252	173	57	22
972	Last question. Have you been to any exotic locations during the past three months?	1.4000	0.04167	240	165	54	21
973	Your cobra plan should take about 6 weeks to kick in.	1.4000	0.04065	265	185	54	26
974	Maybe you should consider a different emotional support animal .	1.4000	0.04131	225	151	58	16
975	Unfortunately, Animal Control is an out-of-network provider.	1.4000	0.04217	255	180	48	27
976	This is not what we meant by `support animal’	1.4000	0.04845	195	138	36	21
977	So, any unusual symptoms?	1.4000	0.04024	245	166	60	19
978	I'm just going to have to disagree with WebMD on this one. It isn't cancer.	1.4000	0.04106	255	177	54	24
979	Sir, it seems you've contracted e-boa	1.4000	0.04586	225	161	38	26
980	We think the reason for your difficult breathing is the snake, but to be sure, we’d like to run some tests..	1.4000	0.03976	270	187	58	25
981	Have you traveled outside the country in the past few weeks?	1.4000	0.03992	255	174	60	21
982	Next time try a turtle neck	1.3992	0.03905	263	179	63	21
983	A little snake oil should do the trick.	1.3992	0.03905	263	179	63	21
984	As a last resort we could try to remove it.	1.3992	0.04034	258	178	57	23
985	I'm going to start off by prescribing you some mice.	1.3992	0.03920	258	175	63	20
986	I’m not going to ask what happened this time.	1.3992	0.04167	253	177	51	25
987	In my professional opinion, a weighted blanket would be just as effective and have fewer side effects.	1.3992	0.04129	253	176	53	24
988	The good news is your snake is going to be OK.	1.3992	0.04129	243	167	55	21
989	Not a wise choice for a halloween contest, was it?	1.3992	0.04275	238	166	49	23
990	This isn't covered by your insurance. Come back if it bites.	1.3992	0.04275	238	166	49	23
991	I know your in a tight spot right now, but if you could sign these forms it'd be great.	1.3992	0.04233	238	165	51	22
992	Bill, I'm afraid this'll be a little trickier than the mole on you back last year.	1.3991	0.04167	233	159	55	19
993	All I can say is that must have been some bachelor party.	1.3991	0.04232	228	156	53	19
994	It's time to reassess: is this particular emotional support animal giving you more than it takes out of you?	1.3991	0.04483	223	157	43	23
995	Present this note at the gate and you shouldn't have any issues flying with your emotional support animal.	1.3991	0.04417	218	151	47	20
996	Have you traveled outside the United States within the last 6 months?	1.3984	0.04204	256	181	48	27
997	Well, let's start with this. Have you been out of the country recently?	1.3984	0.03979	256	175	60	21
998	I say there's nothing wrong here, but I'm just your vet.	1.3984	0.04190	251	176	50	25
999	OK, weight gain, tightness in the chest...any other symptoms"	1.3984	0.03927	246	165	64	17
1000	How was your vacation?	1.3984	0.04052	246	168	58	20
1001	We'll need to get some bloodwork done just to be sure.	1.3984	0.04173	246	171	52	23
1002	On a scale of hug to asphyxiation, how would you describe this tightness in your chest?	1.3984	0.04052	246	168	58	20
1003	No,she seems pretty healthy, but you were wise to bring her in regardless.	1.3984	0.04093	246	169	56	21
1004	Any shortness of breath?	1.3983	0.04194	241	167	52	22
1005	Sorry, but the insurance will not approve the operation without your signature.	1.3983	0.04584	236	172	34	30
1006	What exactly is the problem?	1.3983	0.04453	231	164	42	25
1007	Of course an MRI will be more conclusive.	1.3983	0.04237	231	159	52	20
1008	The good news is, it’s not a tumor”	1.3982	0.04131	221	148	58	15
1009	And would you say this tightness in your chest started before or after you came home from safari?'	1.3982	0.04557	221	157	40	24
1010	Any trouble eating, sleeping, peeing, bowel movements, or sex?	1.3981	0.04541	216	152	42	22
1011	That was quite a trick, getting your shirt off.	1.3981	0.04493	216	151	44	21
1012	Compression sock... Is my handwriting that bad?	1.3977	0.03984	259	178	59	22
1013	Have you traveled outside the country within the last two weeks?	1.3976	0.03961	254	173	61	20
1014	It's really up to you Mr. Smith. Is this something you can live with or do you want to see a specialist?	1.3976	0.04077	254	176	55	23
1015	We found an anomaly in your x-ray. You have 832 extra ribs and vertebrae.	1.3976	0.04057	249	171	57	21
1016	No, the Xanax is to help the snake to relax, not you.	1.3976	0.04017	249	170	59	20
1017	On the plus side, it's the only thing holding you together.	1.3975	0.04237	244	171	49	24
1018	Unfortunately you’re only covered if it actually bites you.	1.3975	0.04116	244	168	55	21
1019	Now, which of you is the patient?	1.3975	0.04033	244	166	59	19
1020	Well, the good news is I can explain the breathing problems and sudden weight gain...	1.3975	0.04092	239	163	57	19
1021	Unfortunately, it's feed a boa and starve a fever, not the other way around."	1.3975	0.04219	239	166	51	22
1022	I'll write you a prescription for a flute.	1.3975	0.04342	239	169	45	25
1023	I think we'll give him something to help him relax a bit.	1.3975	0.04260	239	167	49	23
1024	Good news - it looks like he's benign.	1.3975	0.04049	239	162	59	18
1025	Other than shortness of breath, have you experienced any other symptoms?	1.3975	0.04092	239	163	57	19
1026	No I am a veterinarian and we are trying to figure out how to have you removed.	1.3974	0.04451	234	167	41	26
1027	So, when did the contractions start?	1.3974	0.04395	229	161	45	23
1028	It's a textbook emboalism.	1.3974	0.04262	229	158	51	20
1029	Well, the good news is that it isn’t cancer...	1.3973	0.04511	224	159	41	24
1030	So the feeling just kind of crept up on you?	1.3973	0.04189	224	152	55	17
1031	So, my bad, I probably should have explained the side effects of the new treatment.	1.3973	0.04330	224	155	49	20
1032	It’s an intestinanal disorder. The good news is that it’s not yours.	1.3973	0.04632	219	157	37	25
1033	Any changes since your last visit?	1.3973	0.04448	219	153	45	21
1034	I can remove it, but I hate to tell you boa constrictors are not covered under your current COBRA insurance plan.	1.3972	0.04523	214	150	43	21
1035	I'm putting you on a boa blocker.	1.3972	0.03884	282	196	60	26
1036	No, in fact, some snake oil is exactly what you need.	1.3968	0.04120	247	171	54	22
1037	Yeah, this isn't covered.	1.3968	0.04079	247	170	56	21
1038	Well, technically, it is a pre-existing condition...	1.3968	0.03998	247	168	60	19
1039	Any change since the last check-up?	1.3968	0.04120	247	171	54	22
1040	Take two rats and a bunny and call me in the morning.	1.3967	0.04262	242	170	48	24
1041	Take two rats, call me in the morning.	1.3967	0.04097	242	166	56	20
1042	How did you get your shirt off?	1.3967	0.04302	242	171	46	25
1043	It seems to me that you're under a lot of pressure.	1.3967	0.04180	242	168	52	22
1044	Tightening of the chest, shortness of breath...I know you are being attacked by a snake, but the insurance company says you are having a heart attack so that is what I have to treat you for.	1.3966	0.04395	232	164	44	24
1045	I'll write you a prescription for an antiboatic.	1.3965	0.04422	227	160	44	23
1046	This antidepressant should help him unwind.	1.3964	0.04310	222	153	50	19
1047	I know our website says that we accept COBRA coverage, but this isn't what we meant.	1.3963	0.04380	217	150	48	19
1048	Point to where it hurts.	1.3963	0.03902	270	186	61	23
1049	Unfortunately veterinarians are out of network for you	1.3962	0.03990	265	184	57	24
1050	This time I'm writing you a prescription for a service dog.	1.3962	0.04225	260	186	45	29
1051	It’s a traditional Chinese folk remedy for treating constipation.	1.3961	0.04140	255	179	51	25
1052	Seems you tried to see a doctor outside your network.	1.3960	0.04161	250	175	51	24
1053	Ah, yet another case of an Amazon order gone awry.	1.3960	0.04123	250	174	53	23
1054	The x-ray is showing a multitude of broken bones but honestly I’d take the fact that he hasn’t eaten yet you as a win.	1.3957	0.04095	235	160	57	18
1055	Are you under a lot of pressure?	1.3956	0.04314	225	156	49	20
1056	I’m going to prescribe you some antihisstamines.	1.3955	0.04478	220	155	43	22
1057	There's been a lot of this going around and around.	1.3955	0.04431	220	154	45	21
1058	I thought when you called you said you had ebola.	1.3954	0.03788	263	177	68	18
1059	I'm putting you on a boa constricted diet.	1.3954	0.03864	263	179	64	20
1060	I'm afraid your boa is constricted.	1.3953	0.04009	253	174	58	21
1061	I'll prescribe a relaxant to help you unwind.	1.3953	0.04087	253	176	54	23
1062	This muscle relaxant prescription is for the snake not you.	1.3951	0.04207	243	170	50	23
1063	110 over 70... that's really good.	1.3951	0.04125	243	168	54	21
1064	I am sure the nurse did mention, you can't bring your support animal to your colonoscopy	1.3950	0.04473	238	172	38	28
1065	In the future I suggest you avoid apples, gardens and naked women.	1.3947	0.04317	228	159	48	21
1066	I see you've met our colonoscopist.	1.3947	0.04317	228	159	48	21
1067	I’d say its a Boa but it could be an Anaconda. Would you like a second opinion?	1.3946	0.04387	223	156	46	21
1068	yup...typical case of Ereptile Dysfunction	1.3946	0.04387	223	156	46	21
1069	Let's see, crushing chest pain, Right?	1.3946	0.04294	223	154	50	19
1070	Sorry but i can’t find a billing code for this...	1.3945	0.04089	256	179	53	24
1071	Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?	1.3945	0.04599	218	156	38	24
1072	So your first name is Monty?	1.3944	0.04186	251	177	49	25
1073	Look, you keep telling me about the snake but let’s take a moment to talk about your high cholesterol.	1.3942	0.04272	241	170	47	24
1074	Before the procedure, which way ya leaning, purses, belts, shoes or steaks?	1.3942	0.04272	241	170	47	24
1075	Rex is fine physically, but he seems to have some separation issues.	1.3939	0.04187	231	159	53	19
1076	I think he has a crush on you.	1.3939	0.04232	231	160	51	20
1077	Just give this letter to the airline and you should have no problem traveling with Simon.	1.3939	0.04142	231	158	55	18
1078	We won’t know for sure until we run some tests.	1.3938	0.04298	226	157	49	20
1079	Once I uncoil it, you should find it easier to walk, sleep, shower, and definitely to make new friends.	1.3937	0.04035	254	176	56	22
1080	Actually, I'm a vet--so you're not the patient here."	1.3937	0.04642	221	160	35	26
1081	Three to five medium-sized rodents a day for Monty, Don't miss a feeding, you should be fine.	1.3936	0.03931	249	169	62	18
1082	Good news! It's definitely not your heart.	1.3934	0.04070	244	168	56	20
1083	Okay, I'll certify Chester as a comfort animal. But I still don't think they will allow a snake on a plane.	1.3934	0.04312	244	174	44	26
1084	Tight chest and difficulty breathing... Could be asthma...	1.3933	0.04297	239	169	46	24
1085	Take 2 aspirin and coil me in the morning. Just kidding!	1.3933	0.04256	239	168	48	23
1086	The xrays revealed that you have a snake wrapped around you.	1.3933	0.04338	239	170	44	25
1087	Yes...I can see that...we just want to run some tests first to rule out any other potential causes of your discomfort.	1.3932	0.04192	234	162	52	20
1088	Twenty minutes every day at bedtime. But don't sleep with it on.	1.3932	0.04059	234	159	58	17
1089	Any chest pains, difficulty breathing or shortness of breath?	1.3931	0.04020	262	183	55	24
1090	A constriction? Can you be more specific?	1.3930	0.04346	229	161	46	22
1091	Here's a prescription for four rats a day, plus two refills.	1.3930	0.04113	257	181	51	25
1092	You think you’re being squeezed, let me tell you about malpractice insurance.	1.3929	0.03938	252	172	61	19
1093	Feed it two rabbits and call me in the morning.	1.3927	0.04311	247	177	43	27
1094	So, shortness of breath, tightness in the chest and you're generally feeling constricted.	1.3927	0.04200	219	149	54	16
1095	I'll prescribe something easy to swallow.	1.3926	0.03934	270	188	58	24
1096	And have you been under any extra pressure lately?	1.3926	0.04093	242	167	55	20
1097	Go get two Mongooses and call me in the morning.	1.3926	0.04176	242	169	51	22
1098	Two more weeks of this and we’ll hit your goal weight.	1.3924	0.04023	237	161	59	17
1099	Before I jump to conclusions, let's run a few expensive diagnostics.	1.3924	0.04485	237	172	37	28
1100	So...I don't think it's anything internal.	1.3924	0.04154	237	164	53	20
1101	I suggest you unwind a bit, Mr. Smithers.	1.3924	0.04111	237	163	55	19
1102	You should've come in at "Oh, Gee! It's up to my knee." "Oh, fiddle! It's up to my middle" is much harder to treat.	1.3921	0.04237	227	157	51	19
1103	Okay, Adam, one more time. So you ate an apple and what happened?	1.3921	0.04417	227	161	43	23
1104	Take off the snake and the doctor will be right in.	1.3921	0.04237	227	157	51	19
1105	If it's an adult anaconda it may be considered a pre-existing condition.	1.3920	0.04040	250	173	56	21
1106	So, tell me what's eating you today.	1.3920	0.04079	250	174	54	22
1107	I wouldn't worry about it, it seems to be going around.	1.3920	0.04157	250	176	50	24
1108	Nice boa! Now what brings you in?	1.3919	0.04304	222	154	49	19
1109	...And last week it was from the jaws of a lion. Tell me, has the Great Zordini ever considered a change of career?	1.3918	0.04219	245	173	48	24
1110	The good news is, your prostate is fine.	1.3917	0.03987	240	163	60	17
1111	Separate bills?	1.3917	0.04074	240	165	56	19
1112	This is completely normal. My last patient's emotional support alligator was clingy too.	1.3917	0.04241	240	169	48	23
1113	Looks like you picked something up.	1.3915	0.04090	235	161	56	18
1114	There was really no need to take off your pants.	1.3915	0.04472	235	170	38	27
1115	He needs to cut down on mice, but otherwise he's fine.	1.3915	0.04306	235	166	46	23
1116	And where was Eve when this happened?	1.3913	0.04331	230	162	46	22
1117	Look, I know it gets a bad rap but snake oil really is the best option here.	1.3911	0.04102	248	173	53	22
1118	So, this is Eve's fault?	1.3911	0.04141	248	174	51	23
1119	Let me know if that gets too tight.	1.3909	0.03995	243	166	59	18
1120	I'm recommending a less needy emotional support reptile.	1.3909	0.04162	243	170	51	22
1121	On the other hand, this might help your constipation issues.	1.3909	0.03995	243	166	59	18
1122	As a veterinarian, my first concern is for the snake.	1.3909	0.04283	220	152	50	18
1123	Sorry,I can’t help you, it’s an endangered species.	1.3908	0.04029	261	183	54	24
1124	Because antibiotics are what your insurance will cover.	1.3908	0.04308	238	169	45	24
1125	Have you been out of the country in the last month?	1.3906	0.03932	256	176	60	20
1126	So Mr. Peterson what seems to be the problem?	1.3906	0.04047	256	179	54	23
1127	Yes, they are 'Dad sneakers' but I don't think you're in the position to be passing judgements.	1.3906	0.04047	256	179	54	23
1128	But could you play the violin before?	1.3906	0.04202	233	162	51	20
1129	So you refused to eat the apple.	1.3904	0.04257	251	180	44	27
1130	You’ve got to unwind	1.3904	0.04445	228	163	41	24
1131	Next I'd like to examine you without your comfort animal.	1.3904	0.04401	228	162	43	23
1132	Unfortunately, that one's not on my list of emotional support animals.	1.3903	0.03942	269	188	57	24
1133	You can put your pants back on now.	1.3902	0.04084	246	171	54	21
1134	Wait a minute; how did you get your shirt off?	1.3902	0.04125	246	172	52	22
1135	The bad news is, your snake has a cold.	1.3900	0.04060	241	166	56	19
1136	...and when did you notice the tightness in your chest?	1.3900	0.03976	259	180	57	22
1137	Let's see if an MRI shows us anything.	1.3900	0.03900	259	178	61	20
1138	My assistant there is just taking your blood pressure.	1.3898	0.04220	254	182	45	27
1139	The X-rays are showing it's a very large snake...	1.3896	0.04048	249	173	55	21
1140	That human will have to be removed Mr. Snake.	1.3894	0.04247	226	157	50	19
1141	I remember when The New Yorker cartoons were funny.	1.3893	0.04307	244	175	43	26
1142	So, which of you has the gerbil?	1.3893	0.04307	244	175	43	26
1143	Next I am prescribing compression leggings.	1.3893	0.04423	244	178	37	29
1144	Now, what seems to be the problem here?	1.3893	0.04307	244	175	43	26
1145	Glad I could squeeze you in today.	1.3893	0.03943	262	182	58	22
1146	Nothing too alarming here. You just caught what is going around.	1.3893	0.03905	262	181	60	21
1147	Good news,its not your heart.	1.3891	0.04409	221	156	44	21
1148	This should keep the swelling down.	1.3891	0.04251	239	169	47	23
1149	Have you been out of the country recently?	1.3891	0.03881	257	176	62	19
1150	Take the decongestant pills for 2 weeks. If your breathing doesn't improve, I'd get rid of the snake.	1.3891	0.03920	257	177	60	20
1151	Everything looks good. I'll see you in a year.	1.3891	0.03997	257	179	56	22
1152	It appears that your pet is suffering from separation anxiety.	1.3891	0.03947	275	194	55	26
1153	You are suffering from Bronchial Obstructive Asthma, but we doctors call it BOA	1.3889	0.04231	234	164	49	21
1154	I'll just write 'got himself in a bind' and leave it at that.	1.3889	0.04274	234	165	47	22
1155	Shortness of breath. Anything else bothering you?	1.3887	0.03865	283	199	58	26
1156	You seem fine but your snake seems wound pretty tight.	1.3887	0.03947	265	185	57	23
1157	I'm going to go ahead and schedule you for a hiss-terectomy.	1.3887	0.04111	247	173	52	22
1158	Scales don't lie...	1.3887	0.04151	247	174	50	23
1159	In cases like this I often recommend snake oil.	1.3885	0.03925	260	180	59	21
1160	You have to find a different emotional support animal.	1.3884	0.04372	242	175	40	27
1161	Coiliosis.	1.3884	0.04171	242	170	50	22
1162	I'm not judging you but if you're naked under there tell me now.	1.3882	0.04242	255	184	43	28
1163	i’m writing a prescription that should help you unwind	1.3882	0.03861	255	174	63	18
1164	Not the best choice of therapy pet.	1.3881	0.03914	268	187	58	23
1165	Have you traveled outside of the country in the last 30 days?	1.3880	0.03955	250	172	59	19
1166	You need to unwind a bit.	1.3879	0.03985	232	157	60	15
1167	Studies show that it is an extremely effective treatment for constipation	1.3879	0.04428	232	167	40	25
1168	In the plus column, you’ve quit smoking.	1.3878	0.03893	263	182	60	21
1169	It says here you're been feeling a bit constricted. I'm thinking it's probably the snake, but going to have to run some more tests just to be sure.	1.3878	0.04052	245	170	55	20
1170	Well, it's not worms.	1.3878	0.04052	245	170	55	20
1171	Just when did you begin to feel this tightness in your chest?	1.3877	0.03867	276	193	59	24
1172	Have you been out of the country during the last two weeks?"	1.3877	0.03867	276	193	59	24
1173	Well, I have some good news. It’s not cancer...	1.3877	0.04092	227	155	56	16
1174	He seems a bit lonely and depressed. Give him 2 of these a day to unwind.	1.3877	0.04368	227	161	44	22
1175	I misunderstood when you told me you liked to wear your wife's boa.	1.3876	0.04059	258	182	52	24
1176	We don't accept Cobra.	1.3876	0.04738	209	152	33	24
1177	Any concerns today other than feeling constricted?	1.3875	0.04154	240	168	51	21
1178	It's probably benign, but there's a small chance it could lead to the Fall of Man.	1.3875	0.03982	240	164	59	17
1179	You may experience some side effects such dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, or in rare cases, asphyxiation.	1.3874	0.04299	222	155	48	19
1180	Well, the good news is you're not having a heart attack....	1.3874	0.04203	222	153	52	17
1181	I think you need a chance to unwind.	1.3874	0.03921	253	174	60	19
1182	It won't relieve your back pain, but it will take your mind off of it.	1.3872	0.04085	235	162	55	18
1183	Can you let go of your human now,so I can examine you?	1.3872	0.04216	235	165	49	21
1184	First the good news, you don't have a tape worm.	1.3872	0.04427	235	170	39	26
1185	I'll write him a little something for separation anxiety.	1.3870	0.03875	261	180	61	20
1186	Your's is the first case this season."	1.3868	0.03860	243	164	64	15
1187	Any chest pain or shortness of breath?	1.3868	0.04075	243	169	54	20
1188	HOW DID YOU GET YOUR JACKET OFF?	1.3868	0.04238	243	173	46	24
1189	It’s nothing serious. Just try to unwind a bit.	1.3867	0.03928	256	177	59	20
1190	The good news is it's not ringworm.	1.3867	0.03928	256	177	59	20
1191	I'm going to recommend Boa-tox.	1.3867	0.04529	225	163	37	25
1192	I presume you want a note for your emotional support snake.	1.3866	0.04303	238	170	44	24
1193	The good news is that it’s not a tapeworm. The bad news...	1.3865	0.04622	207	148	38	21
1194	It's been going around.	1.3865	0.03860	251	171	63	17
1195	As herpetologists go, you're too wrapped up in your work.	1.3865	0.04364	251	184	37	30
1196	Cough.	1.3863	0.04054	277	200	47	30
1197	HE SEEMS TO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU.	1.3863	0.04370	233	167	42	24
1198	What’s eating you?	1.3862	0.04039	246	171	55	20
1199	We'll have to run more tests to be sure.	1.3862	0.04278	246	177	43	26
1200	So, how was Florida this year?	1.3862	0.03914	246	168	61	17
1201	So, besides a little tightness in your chest, any other symptoms?	1.3860	0.04195	215	147	53	15
1202	Is anything else bothering you today?	1.3860	0.04495	215	153	41	21
1203	That tight feeling around your chest... I think I know what it is.	1.3860	0.04396	228	163	42	23
1204	This is exactly why we recommend vaccinations.	1.3859	0.04055	241	167	55	19
1205	I have some snake oil that may actually work in this case.	1.3859	0.04140	241	169	51	21
1206	By any chance, were you recently on a plane?	1.3859	0.04263	241	172	45	24
1207	She handed me an apple and said she’d be right back.	1.3858	0.04289	254	185	40	29
1208	Basically you’re fine, except that your blood pressure is a tad high and there’s a slight rattle in your chest.	1.3857	0.04472	210	148	43	19
1209	The best I can do is prescribe you an emotional support mongoose.	1.3856	0.04329	236	169	43	24
1210	An aspirins for you. A muscle relaxer for her.	1.3856	0.03936	236	160	61	15
1211	You need to learn to unwind.	1.3856	0.03843	236	158	65	13
1212	This new organic body cast will help realign your spine and it is environmentally friendly.	1.3856	0.04159	236	165	51	20
1213	Slightly constricted or very constricted?	1.3856	0.04115	236	164	53	19
1214	Well, I think I've determined the cause of your high blood pressure.	1.3855	0.04044	249	174	54	21
1215	Can you describe the tightness in your chest?	1.3855	0.04278	249	180	42	27
1216	If you relax, he’ll relax. Have you tried meditation?	1.3855	0.03787	262	179	65	18
1217	What seems to be the problem here?	1.3855	0.04010	275	197	50	28
1218	Have you traveled outside the country recently?	1.3853	0.04222	231	162	49	20
1219	So, how was the Amazon?	1.3852	0.04061	244	170	54	20
1220	You need to give up wearing boas, they're too constricting.	1.3852	0.04224	244	174	46	24
1221	The good news is your blood work came back & looks great.	1.3852	0.03837	257	176	63	18
1222	So you're feeling constricted?	1.3852	0.03891	270	189	58	23
1223	Do you want me to write you a note for work?	1.3850	0.04379	226	161	43	22
1224	The good news is your cholesterol looks great.	1.3850	0.03904	226	151	63	12
1225	A tightness in your chest... any other symptoms?"	1.3850	0.04242	226	158	49	19
1226	Sir, we cannot perform the operation until you sign the documents.	1.3850	0.04148	226	156	53	17
1227	The python comes off when you start paying your deductible.	1.3849	0.04205	239	169	48	22
1228	Blood pressure is a little high, otherwise I’d say you’re good to go	1.3849	0.03889	252	173	61	18
1229	That frog in your throat has led to other complications.	1.3849	0.04009	252	176	55	21
1230	I thought you selected the COBRA plan with full coverage.	1.3849	0.04239	252	182	43	27
1231	Have you been under any pressure lately?	1.3846	0.04146	247	175	49	23
1232	Are you her main squeeze?	1.3846	0.04269	234	166	46	22
1233	Before I examine your throat, Mr. Jones, I'm gonna have to ask you to remove your boa.	1.3846	0.04094	234	162	54	18
1234	Now Cough	1.3846	0.04066	247	173	53	21
1235	Shortness of breath? You smoke?	1.3843	0.04165	255	183	46	26
1236	I don't know what to tell you doc, it just started with a frog in my throat.	1.3843	0.04167	242	171	49	22
1237	You can remove the boa also. You haven't got anything that I haven't seen before.	1.3843	0.04247	229	161	48	20
1238	Didn't the nurse ask you to take EVERYTHING off?	1.3843	0.04424	229	165	40	24
1239	Now which toe did you say is bothering you?	1.3840	0.04272	237	169	45	23
1240	So, Mr. Schmidt, what seems to be the problem?	1.3840	0.04436	237	173	37	27
1241	The good news is we’ve resolved your low blood pressure issue.	1.3840	0.04057	237	164	55	18
1242	Here’s a prescription for snake oil, but you may not need it.	1.3839	0.04268	224	157	48	19
1243	Dr. Scott is the best herpetologist I know, and he's a real charmer, too.	1.3836	0.04423	232	168	39	25
1244	The good news is that the tightness you feel is not because of a heart attack.	1.3836	0.04251	232	164	47	21
1245	Please slip out of your boa and put on the robe. Then we can begin your exam.	1.3834	0.03917	253	175	59	19
1246	This wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned when I said “emotional support animal.”	1.3834	0.04035	253	178	53	22
1247	We'll run some tests, but I've got a hunch you picked something up when you were on safari.	1.3834	0.03626	253	168	73	12
1248	I'd like to run a few more tests before making a diagnosis.	1.3834	0.03917	253	175	59	19
1249	Take two mongooses and see me in the morning.	1.3834	0.03957	253	176	57	20
1250	I'm prescribing a fairly aggressive muscle relaxant first. And then, charm school.	1.3833	0.04232	240	171	46	23
1251	I suggest you find a new way to unwind.	1.3833	0.03977	240	165	58	17
1252	Have you offered it a cow?	1.3833	0.04232	240	171	46	23
1253	Okay you can put your clothes back on	1.3833	0.04232	240	171	46	23
1254	We don't have a code for boa constrictor--let's just call it chest pain	1.3833	0.04180	227	158	51	18
1255	We need to remove that mole on your face immediately.	1.3831	0.04093	261	187	48	26
1256	Well, next time, accept the apple...	1.3831	0.04200	261	190	42	29
1257	Not so charming, is it.	1.3831	0.04053	248	174	53	21
1258	Well, your snake is in perfect health.	1.3831	0.03846	248	169	63	16
1259	The bad news is that your support animal has not been approved for air travel.	1.3831	0.04211	248	178	45	25
1260	WebMD says it’s asthma.	1.3830	0.04035	235	162	56	17
1261	Does it hurt when you laugh?	1.3828	0.04001	256	180	54	22
1262	You're not covered, but the snake is - Trump Care.	1.3826	0.04321	230	164	44	22
1263	When they told you to wear a boa for drag night, I think they meant a scarf.	1.3826	0.04365	230	165	42	23
1264	You might have to go out of network.	1.3826	0.04094	264	190	47	27
1265	So besides the tightness in the chest...?	1.3825	0.04214	217	150	51	16
1266	I'm referring you to a herpetologist, but she's out of network."	1.3825	0.04057	251	177	52	22
1267	Any tightness, heavy pressure, or squeezing around chest area?	1.3824	0.04130	238	167	51	20
1268	Actually, I WOULD recommend snake oil.	1.3824	0.03999	238	164	57	17
1269	So, a little tightness. Where?	1.3824	0.04173	238	168	49	21
1270	So what seems to be bothering you today?	1.3822	0.04151	259	187	45	27
1271	I think we've found the reason for your shortness of breath.	1.3822	0.04252	225	158	48	19
1272	Chest pressure? Okay. Can you be a bit more specific?	1.3821	0.04034	246	172	54	20
1273	Sir, I know you're scared, but you're going to have to remove the therapy snake.	1.3821	0.04235	246	177	44	25
1274	Your insurance company claims it was a pre-existing condition.	1.3821	0.03909	246	169	60	17
1275	And this is why you don't trust ads from the internet.	1.3821	0.04156	246	175	48	23
1276	Well, the contractions are three minutes apart and dilation has begun, but unfortunately you’re in breech position, Mr. Coyle.	1.3821	0.04386	212	149	45	18
1277	It's probably nothing, but we can run some tests.	1.3819	0.04061	254	180	51	23
1278	I said "restrictive diet" not "constrictive diet"	1.3818	0.03939	275	196	53	26
1279	It seems you picked up an exotic organism on your trip abroad."	1.3818	0.03696	275	189	67	19
1280	Tightness in the chest could result from a number of causes.	1.3817	0.04050	241	168	54	19
1281	Does he usually frighten this easily when he goes to the vet ?	1.3815	0.03957	270	192	53	25
1282	We find it more cost effective than collection agencies.	1.3814	0.04021	236	163	56	17
1283	Before I examine you, Mr. Boa, I must ask that you please put down your emotional-support human.	1.3814	0.04324	236	170	42	24
1284	Well, Sir, it seems you have your head up your asp.	1.3812	0.04417	223	160	41	22
1285	Finally, a contraceptive coil that's fool proof.	1.3811	0.04298	244	177	41	26
1286	And just when did these contractions begin?	1.3811	0.04259	244	176	43	25
1287	So, I understand that you are her therapy human.	1.3810	0.04159	252	181	46	25
1288	We're probably going to go back to the old style blood pressure monitors. There's some problems with these.	1.3810	0.04004	252	177	54	21
1289	Routine question,we ask everybody ... do you feel safe at home?	1.3810	0.04197	252	182	44	26
1290	The good news is we've fixed the hissing in your ear.	1.3810	0.03925	252	175	58	19
1291	Any peanut allergy?	1.3810	0.04159	252	181	46	25
1292	I'm recommending boatox."	1.3808	0.04029	260	185	51	24
1293	OK, let's skip the "breathe deeply" for now.	1.3808	0.04116	239	168	51	20
1294	I have your "emotional support animal" papers here, but sir, I still don't think you will be able to fly without clothing"	1.3808	0.04029	239	166	55	18
1295	It's our new way to collect co-pays.	1.3808	0.04200	239	170	47	22
1296	I stand corrected. You should feed Larry more than once a year.	1.3808	0.04283	239	172	43	24
1297	Which garden were you in?	1.3807	0.04097	218	149	55	14
1298	I'm going to prescribe him some oxycodone and he should loosen right up.	1.3806	0.04061	247	174	52	21
1299	It's surprisingly good at detecting high blood pressure, and no one can pronounce sphygmomanometer anyway.	1.3806	0.03853	247	169	62	16
1300	Ironic that using a Python for constipation is covered by your COBRA plan.	1.3806	0.04298	247	180	40	27
1301	Sir, we do accept Cobra insurance. However, we do not accept insurance for cobras. You may want to contact your provider for clarification.	1.3806	0.04102	247	175	50	22
1302	You're lucky that we were able to squeeze you in.	1.3803	0.04178	234	165	49	20
1303	If I can just get you to sign this insurance form, we’ll have a look at you.	1.3803	0.03814	284	201	58	25
1304	Not to worry. This happens occasionally with people who opt for COBRA medical coverage.	1.3802	0.04138	263	191	44	28
1305	I'm not liking that blood pressure.	1.3802	0.03922	263	185	56	22
1306	Next time, just remember, what goes around comes around.	1.3802	0.04121	242	171	50	21
1307	Two rats a day, given orally, should gradually relieve that constricting sensation	1.3802	0.03863	242	165	62	15
1308	Your insurance won't cover you until there's a fifth coil.	1.3802	0.04121	242	171	50	21
1309	Not all of these “Natural Slimming Aids “ work.	1.3802	0.04162	242	172	48	22
1310	Okay sir, the chart says you are 46 years old, currently employed as a civil serpent..sorry, servant.	1.3802	0.04162	242	172	48	22
1311	Any trouble breathing prior to getting the snake?	1.3802	0.03951	242	167	58	17
1312	… good length for his age, healthy skin color--- oh, you mean you-- two broken ribs and a crushed sternum.	1.3800	0.04183	250	180	45	25
1313	So, what exactly has brought you into the clinic today?	1.3799	0.04287	229	163	45	21
1314	Everything looks good..Though I am a bit concerned about your blood pressure.	1.3799	0.04196	229	161	49	19
1315	The test results suggest you may be a carrier of some kind of tropical pest.	1.3798	0.04013	258	183	52	23
1316	""On a positive note, you'll get a very nice set of luggage out of this."	1.3798	0.03741	258	176	66	16
1317	So, looks like you’re no longer on cobra.	1.3798	0.04232	258	189	40	29
1318	Unfortunately, the nearest zoo is out-of-network.	1.3798	0.03975	258	182	54	22
1319	I'd like to run some tests to see what the problem is	1.3797	0.04471	237	175	34	28
1320	Stripping to your skivvies includes removing your boa.	1.3796	0.04275	216	151	48	17
1321	So at first she was just wrapped around your little finger?	1.3796	0.04205	245	176	45	24
1322	Shortness of breath can mean any number of things.	1.3796	0.04205	245	176	45	24
1323	When I said, "Get it on Amazon" I meant the website	1.3796	0.04284	245	178	41	26
1324	Clarence, we've discussed this before, humans are bad for your cholesterol	1.3795	0.04401	224	161	41	22
1325	Any symptoms other than chest pains?	1.3795	0.03920	224	151	61	12
1326	I'm going give you something that will help you unwind.	1.3795	0.04119	224	155	53	16
1327	So, tell me what brings you in today.	1.3794	0.03952	253	177	56	20
1328	Look at it this way, most people are up to their neck in debt.	1.3793	0.04157	232	163	50	19
1329	No, that's a different kind cobra insurance.	1.3793	0.04202	232	164	48	20
1330	So when you got laid off you got on COBRA, and this happened?	1.3793	0.04125	261	189	45	27
1331	One Mongoose, at breakfast, as needed.	1.3793	0.04157	232	163	50	19
1332	Dr. Oz is wrong about this, too.	1.3793	0.04112	232	162	52	18
1333	I’m going need you to cough.	1.3792	0.04016	240	167	55	18
1334	So,I see that you're here for a second opinion.	1.3792	0.03838	240	163	63	14
1335	Now I understand the need to squeeze you in.	1.3790	0.04128	248	177	48	23
1336	Why are you here ?	1.3790	0.04474	219	158	39	22
1337	I could prescribe a muscle relaxant, for the snake of course.	1.3789	0.04034	256	182	51	23
1338	We'll give you some Advil for the chest pain, and some mice for the snake"	1.3789	0.04358	227	163	42	22
1339	Well...we can still check your prostate.	1.3788	0.03835	264	184	60	20
1340	Well, that about wraps it up	1.3787	0.04075	235	164	53	18
1341	You may feel a little tightness in your chest for a few days.	1.3787	0.04249	235	168	45	22
1342	The good news is the snake is doing very well	1.3786	0.03681	280	194	66	20
1343	Well, you must understand sir, that this is a veterinarian's office, so of course our first concern is, 'What can we do to save this snake?'	1.3785	0.04352	214	151	45	18
1344	It says here there's a tightness in your chest?	1.3785	0.04352	214	151	45	18
1345	So, what brings you to my office?	1.3785	0.04501	214	154	39	21
1346	You seem rattled, Fred.	1.3783	0.04403	230	167	39	24
1347	The tests confirm it. It's a human stuck in your coils. That'll have to be removed.	1.3782	0.03798	275	193	60	22
1348	...on the other hand Brad, it looks like your constipation is no longer a problem.	1.3782	0.04210	238	170	46	22
1349	Our blood pressure machine is out of order, so we are using him.	1.3782	0.04252	238	171	44	23
1350	Well, a tightness around the chest doesn't always mean that you will die from a heart attack.	1.3780	0.03946	246	171	57	18
1351	Any wheezing or shortness of breath?	1.3780	0.03819	254	175	62	17
1352	This is what happens when you deny cobra coverage.	1.3780	0.04169	254	184	44	26
1353	Well, going out on a limb here, that tightness in your chest might not be bronchitis	1.3779	0.04455	217	156	40	21
1354	No, it's not a tapeworm...	1.3779	0.03967	262	186	53	23
1355	I had prescribed compression socks but never mind.	1.3778	0.04006	225	154	57	14
1356	So Eve told you that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?	1.3778	0.04247	225	159	47	19
1357	Coils! My nurse thought you said boils	1.3777	0.03734	278	194	63	21
1358	"GIVE HIM 2 RATS, 1 LIZARD AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING.	1.3777	0.04052	233	162	54	17
1359	He needs to cut down on mice, but otherwise he's in good health.	1.3777	0.04231	233	166	46	21
1360	At this point, it's not the cancer I would worry about.	1.3776	0.04045	241	169	53	19
1361	On the plus side, your foot fungus has completely cleared up.	1.3776	0.03959	241	167	57	17
1362	What do you suppose is triggering your anxiety this time?	1.3776	0.04045	241	169	53	19
1363	Let’s try two dead rats and call me in the morning.	1.3776	0.03915	241	166	59	16
1364	Unfortunately, your insurance only covers bites.	1.3776	0.03915	241	166	59	16
1365	I'm going to prescribe an antidepressant to help you unwind.	1.3776	0.03959	241	167	57	17
1366	So this is your comfort animal?	1.3775	0.03871	249	172	60	17
1367	I'm going to recommend not poking it.	1.3775	0.03994	249	175	54	20
1368	I think I know what's causing the tightness in your chest, but just to be sure, let's do lots of tests.	1.3775	0.04114	249	178	48	23
1369	I'm sorry Sir, but it looks like this is a pre-existing constrictor.	1.3775	0.04034	249	176	52	21
1370	Well, it could explain that feeling of tightness in your chest.	1.3774	0.03828	257	178	61	18
1371	I highly doubt it's contagious.	1.3774	0.03828	257	178	61	18
1372	Please tell me the reason for your visit to the clinic today.	1.3774	0.03983	257	182	53	22
1373	Your high blood pressure appears to be stress related. I suggest you try to unwind.	1.3774	0.03786	265	184	62	19
1374	...and one of you call me in the morning.	1.3774	0.03934	265	188	54	23
1375	So, you’re experiencing some tightness in your chest? Let me run a few tests and see if I can figure out what’s going on.	1.3774	0.03671	265	181	68	16
1376	I'm afraid the emotional support snake will have to come off as well.	1.3772	0.03840	281	200	56	25
1377	The good news is that I figured out why you have shortness of breath.	1.3772	0.04160	228	160	50	18
1378	When did you last feed him?	1.3772	0.04066	228	158	54	16
1379	It's not as rare as people think.	1.3771	0.04105	236	166	51	19
1380	Don't shoot the messenger, you won't believe the things your HMO excludes.	1.3771	0.04192	236	168	47	21
1381	Your vitals are fine, but I suggest you take a few days off and unwind.	1.3771	0.04060	236	165	53	18
1382	‘So a little tightness in your chest?’	1.3770	0.03837	244	167	62	15
1383	Well, the good news is it isn’t venomous.	1.3770	0.03924	244	169	58	17
1384	Yeah, this has been going around.	1.3770	0.04093	244	173	50	21
1385	I am prescribing a muscle relaxer for you and a small gazelle for the snake.	1.3770	0.04009	244	171	54	19
1386	Okay, and what seems to be the problem today?	1.3770	0.04078	252	180	49	23
1387	Any coughing, wheezing or tightening of the chest?	1.3770	0.03960	252	177	55	20
1388	I’m prescribing something to unwind you.	1.3770	0.03838	252	174	61	17
1389	First the good news - that tightness in your chest is not a heart attack.	1.3769	0.03793	268	187	61	20
1390	So far, nothing obvious. We'll have to do more tests.	1.3767	0.03859	292	211	52	29
1391	I see, any other complaints?	1.3766	0.04167	231	163	49	19
1392	So Mr. Johnson, what brings you here today?	1.3766	0.04256	231	165	45	21
1393	First, the mole on your back is no longer a problem.	1.3766	0.03845	239	163	62	14
1394	You appear to be constricted.	1.3766	0.04195	239	171	46	22
1395	Removing the snake is doable... getting you “back to the garden”, not so much.	1.3766	0.04237	239	172	44	23
1396	I’m ordering a PET scan to help diagnose the cause of your constriction	1.3765	0.03766	255	175	64	16
1397	Besides that, is everything else normal?	1.3764	0.04027	263	189	49	25
1398	And why have you come in today?	1.3762	0.04356	210	148	45	17
1399	If it's not bothering you we won't do anything right now.	1.3761	0.04041	226	156	55	15
1400	We'll have to run some tests.	1.3761	0.03992	234	162	56	16
1401	The good news is you’re not in danger. The bad news is you’re endangered.	1.3760	0.03989	242	169	55	18
1402	The next time you dress in drag Mr. Jones, Id try a feather boa.	1.3760	0.04139	250	180	46	24
1403	Now that we've cured your fear of snakes, is there anything else we can help you with?	1.3760	0.03932	258	182	55	21
1404	Your insurance says they only cover snake bites.	1.3755	0.04134	237	168	49	20
1405	We can help you with the Full Monty, but not the Python.	1.3755	0.04038	245	173	52	20
1406	Don't worry. It's going around.	1.3755	0.03862	261	183	58	20
1407	Difficulty breathing...feeling the world is closing in on you...sounds like a anxiety. I’ll give you something to help unwind.	1.3755	0.04010	277	202	46	29
1408	Sorry, but with your insurance this is the only pet scan they will pay for	1.3750	0.04152	232	164	49	19
1409	Yeah, man, you’re fucked.	1.3750	0.04358	256	192	32	32
1410	You do understand he doesn’t think of himself as a pet?	1.3750	0.04083	248	177	49	22
1411	I notice your blood pressure is a bit high.	1.3750	0.04002	248	175	53	20
1412	Maybe we could move your service viper to the chair”	1.3750	0.03961	248	174	55	19
1413	Why don't you take a week off work and go and unwind somewhere?	1.3750	0.03961	248	174	55	19
1414	I need you to take everything off, Mr Cooper please.	1.3750	0.04002	248	175	53	20
1415	And what happened to the gerbil?	1.3750	0.03880	280	201	53	26
1416	What do you mean, 'I think I came home with something from Africa?'	1.3750	0.03878	248	172	59	17
1417	I found out the reason of your discomfort. You have a human tangled up in your coils.	1.3745	0.03723	275	192	63	20
1418	So tell me when you noticed this tightness in your chest.	1.3745	0.03863	275	196	55	24
1419	Wear it for three days and your constipation will be gone.	1.3745	0.03931	275	198	51	26
1420	Restricted movement. Any other symptoms?	1.3745	0.03920	259	183	55	21
1421	Well Mr. Jones, you say you are experiencing tightness in the chest. As you may know, that has many causes. Let’s get a CT, MRI,EKG, sonogram, upper endoscopy, colonoscopy, cardiac cath, some blood work and we’ll get to the bottom of this.	1.3745	0.04125	251	181	46	24
1422	It says here you would like something removed.	1.3745	0.04087	251	180	48	23
1423	I think we’ll skip the prostate exam today.	1.3745	0.04224	243	176	43	24
1424	You can get dressed now. I think I've discovered your problem.	1.3745	0.03845	243	167	61	15
1425	Maybe the insurance code for vasoconstriction is close enough	1.3745	0.03889	243	168	59	16
1426	So.....what are your symptoms?	1.3745	0.04069	235	165	52	18
1427	I'm prescribing some snake oil. After a few days, you should be able to slip right out of its grip.	1.3745	0.04287	235	170	42	23
1428	I’ll endorse your emotional support python, but I make no guarantees about snakes on a plane.	1.3744	0.04262	227	162	45	20
1429	I’ll just prescribe a little something to help you both relax.	1.3744	0.04122	227	159	51	17
1430	Any tightness in your chest....difficulty breathing?	1.3744	0.04421	219	158	40	21
1431	Next of Kin: Eve	1.3741	0.03878	270	192	55	23
1432	Does it feel any better if you lie on a warm road?	1.3740	0.04225	246	179	42	25
1433	I see you told the nurse that you're feeling a tightening in your chest, is that right?	1.3740	0.04106	246	176	48	22
1434	Offhand, I'd say you're not actually paranoid.	1.3740	0.04024	246	174	52	20
1435	How long have you have you had this feeling of tightness in your chest?	1.3739	0.04266	230	165	44	21
1436	I would be a bit more cautious on Tinder in the future"	1.3739	0.04310	230	166	42	22
1437	Tightness in your chest can be caused by many things, so let's not jump to conclusions until we've run a few tests.	1.3738	0.04295	214	151	46	17
1438	You said it's 'slowly squeezing the life out of you'. Sounds like my ex.	1.3735	0.03823	257	179	60	18
1439	No, it’s not in your head ... this relationship is definitely suffocating you.	1.3735	0.03823	249	172	61	16
1440	It says here you're having trouble breathing?	1.3735	0.03865	249	173	59	17
1441	So tell me, Mr. Jones, when did you first notice you had difficulty breathing?	1.3735	0.03865	249	173	59	17
1442	It's never the obvious reason. Let's run a few tests to see why you're short of breath.	1.3735	0.03989	249	176	53	20
1443	It says here Adam that you had a bad reaction to an apple.	1.3734	0.04329	241	177	38	26
1444	I know men wear boas these days, but yours is a bit constricting, no?	1.3734	0.04166	241	173	46	22
1445	Yes, difficulty in breathing, and what else?	1.3734	0.04040	241	170	52	19
1446	I have a hunch about your shortness of breath, but your insurance company requires more tests.	1.3734	0.04166	241	173	46	22
1447	I'm recommending that you switch to a feather boa.	1.3733	0.04241	225	160	46	19
1448	OK, so the inhaler didn’t work.	1.3733	0.04287	225	161	44	20
1449	So tell me what the problem is.	1.3732	0.04051	276	203	43	30
1450	Look...it's your choice. Do you want to feel embraced & loved, or do you want to breathe?	1.3731	0.04129	260	190	43	27
1451	I can prescribe a muscle relaxant, but you have to figure out how to give it to the snake.	1.3730	0.04046	244	173	51	20
1452	I don’t think I can treat this. It’s an endangered species.	1.3729	0.04229	236	170	44	22
1453	Hmm, shortness of breath. Anything else?	1.3726	0.03644	263	180	68	15
1454	Feeling any tightness in your chest?	1.3725	0.04000	255	182	51	22
1455	In fact, it is the opposite of a tape worm.	1.3725	0.04038	255	183	49	23
1456	Your cholesterol is down, but your blood pressure is out of control.	1.3725	0.04132	247	178	46	23
1457	Have you noticed any other symptoms?	1.3725	0.03928	247	173	56	18
1458	Take 3 aspirin,give him 3 rabbits,and call me in the morning.	1.3725	0.03885	247	172	58	17
1459	This isn't even covered in Canada, unfortunately.	1.3724	0.04190	239	172	45	22
1460	Ok, give him two mice and call me in the morning.	1.3724	0.04062	239	169	51	19
1461	Everything seems to be perfectly normal, was there a specific reason for your visit today?	1.3724	0.03975	239	167	55	17
1462	It's actually good he has you covered -- his plan's deductible is much lower.	1.3723	0.04206	231	165	46	20
1463	And you ate the entire apple?	1.3723	0.04161	231	164	48	19
1464	Have you tried asking nicely?	1.3722	0.03693	266	184	65	17
1465	And, on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the discomfort?	1.3721	0.03928	258	183	54	21
1466	Your blood work looks fine, however there appears to be a circulation problem.	1.3719	0.04110	242	173	48	21
1467	After ruling out all the possibilities, I have concluded that he just really likes you	1.3719	0.03983	242	170	54	18
1468	I’m not worried about your medical coverage I can see you have COBRA	1.3719	0.04110	242	173	48	21
1469	I'm afraid you've got the Grippe	1.3719	0.03940	242	169	56	17
1470	Compression stockings should take care of those cold feet.	1.3719	0.04068	242	172	50	20
1471	Don't be modest, take off the snake.	1.3719	0.03896	242	168	58	16
1472	I've got some pills for that, but you might have a hard time swallowing them.	1.3718	0.04167	234	167	47	20
1473	You are fine but the boa needs to unwind.	1.3718	0.04078	234	165	51	18
1474	Get more exercise, eat more vegetables, and avoid the Amazon river basin.	1.3718	0.04167	234	167	47	20
1475	Well, if it’s any consolation, it seems to like you.	1.3717	0.04083	226	158	52	16
1476	I’ll write the note but have you considered a therapy dog instead?	1.3717	0.04363	226	164	40	22
1477	Soooo . . . a general tightness in the chest?	1.3716	0.03741	261	181	63	17
1478	Ha! Everyone's a doctor after they've googled their symptoms.	1.3716	0.03895	261	185	55	21
1479	On a positive note, he's bulimic.	1.3715	0.03738	253	174	64	15
1480	Well at least it isn't a frog in the throat.	1.3714	0.04401	210	150	42	18
1481	I see here that you're out of work. Do you by any chance have COBRA?	1.3714	0.04114	245	176	47	22
1482	Chest tightness, difficulty breathing,...any other symptoms?	1.3714	0.04032	245	174	51	20
1483	So what seems to be the problem today?"	1.3713	0.04171	237	170	46	21
1484	I’ll write a prescription for a deconstrictant.	1.3713	0.04041	237	167	52	18
1485	So this is what you meant when you said you were constricted	1.3713	0.04041	237	167	52	18
1486	A scarf during cold and flu season. A boa is merely affectation	1.3713	0.04085	237	168	50	19
1487	I had to Google this one.	1.3713	0.04214	237	171	44	22
1488	A little tight, but much better than those gowns that leave you naked in the back	1.3713	0.04171	237	170	46	21
1489	Insurance is denying your claim, as only they have the legal right to squeeze you.	1.3712	0.04139	229	162	49	18
1490	I've run some tests and think I've found the cause of your high blood pressure	1.3712	0.03998	229	159	55	15
1491	I’m prescribing snake oil	1.3711	0.04025	256	184	49	23
1492	So, what about "Don't Tread on Me" did you not understand?	1.3711	0.03987	256	183	51	22
1493	Well, The good news is the tightness in your chest is not the result of a heart attack	1.3710	0.04244	221	157	46	18
1494	I changed my mind, could you please put the shirt back on?	1.3710	0.04196	248	181	42	25
1495	Well, the symptoms you describe could be caused by any number of things	1.3710	0.04078	248	178	48	22
1496	And you first noticed this when?	1.3708	0.03917	240	167	57	16
1497	Give the snake one or two of these muscle relaxants when you find you can’t breathe	1.3708	0.04133	240	172	47	21
1498	Which one of you is known as Monty?	1.3707	0.03915	232	160	58	14
1499	One prescription for an Emotional Support mongoose.	1.3707	0.03991	259	186	50	23
1500	We're gonna need insurance pre-authorzation for an anacondectomy...	1.3705	0.04344	224	162	41	21
1501	I'm referring you to a veterinarian. I suspect your snake is suffering from a treatable case of separation anxiety.	1.3705	0.04121	251	182	45	24
1502	I see they squeezed you in	1.3705	0.04121	251	182	45	24
1503	You say you signed up for Cobra health?	1.3705	0.03882	251	176	57	18
1504	It doesn't matter--your COBRA coverage has still expired.	1.3704	0.04259	243	178	40	25
1505	I’m going to have to refer you to a veterinarian.	1.3704	0.03970	243	171	54	18
1506	You'll have to uncoil your emotional support animal so we can proceed.	1.3704	0.04096	243	174	48	21
1507	Mr. Johnson, based on all these tests, I feel the cause of your high blood pressure is stress.	1.3704	0.04219	243	177	42	24
1508	I might suggest a different emotional support animal for your stress.	1.3704	0.04096	243	174	48	21
1509	Let's start with a few questions about your lifestyle.	1.3702	0.03807	262	184	59	19
1510	Have you travelled outside of the US in the past month?	1.3702	0.03957	262	188	51	23
1511	No, I said a RESTRICTED diet.	1.3702	0.03845	262	185	57	20
1512	This certainly could be the reason you’re constipated.	1.3702	0.03957	262	188	51	23
1513	How long has this man been bothering you?	1.3702	0.04365	235	173	37	25
1514	Let's start from the beginning. Do you have any allergies?	1.3701	0.03929	254	180	54	20
1515	I'm glad to report we've ruled out asthma"	1.3701	0.04008	254	182	50	22
1516	And how long have you had trouble swallowing?	1.3700	0.04210	227	162	46	19
1517	...and what can I help you with today?	1.3699	0.04019	246	175	51	20
1518	You're covered but I'm afraid the snake is out of network.	1.3699	0.03977	246	174	53	19
1519	Yeah, that's the problem with our new hospital gowns. Everybody sees your asp.	1.3699	0.04019	246	175	51	20
1520	We'll know more when the tests come in but I'll bet this is something tropical.	1.3699	0.03850	246	171	59	16
1521	Have you been under any unusual pressure lately?	1.3697	0.04114	238	170	48	20
1522	So you say your symptoms are shortness of breath, loss of mobility and trouble sleeping?	1.3696	0.04012	257	185	49	23
1523	On the plus side, it's not poisonous.	1.3696	0.03571	257	174	71	12
1524	I'll get to the snake in a minute, did you give us a copy of the front and back of your insurance card?	1.3696	0.04124	230	163	49	18
1525	Frankly, when you phoned the ER about the boa wrapped around your neck, we assumed feathers and alerted Psychiatry.	1.3696	0.04124	230	163	49	18
1526	You're going to be just fine, but the snake has got to stop smoking.	1.3695	0.04064	249	179	48	22
1527	Take a mongoose and call me in the morning	1.3695	0.03688	249	170	66	13
1528	I suggest we try a muscle relaxant.	1.3695	0.03984	249	177	52	20
1529	You're right; there IS a lot of it going around.	1.3695	0.04182	249	182	42	25
1530	What seems to be the problem?	1.3694	0.03928	268	193	51	24
1531	The good news is that it will let you go once mating season ends. The bad news is that you are pregnant.	1.3694	0.04370	222	161	40	21
1532	Besides the tightness in your chest do you have any other complaints?	1.3692	0.03902	260	185	54	21
1533	I'm going to prescribe two mice and check with you in the morning.	1.3692	0.03707	260	180	64	16
1534	I don't think you'll need a follow-up appointment.	1.3692	0.03748	279	198	59	22
1535	We use this for blood pressure when the nurse is off.	1.3692	0.03982	279	205	45	29
1536	You're in very good health Mr. President.	1.3692	0.03883	279	202	51	26
1537	I think you should reconsider your support animal choices.	1.3692	0.04439	214	155	39	20
1538	Would you say it’s pain or just pressure?	1.3691	0.04176	233	167	46	20
1539	Now just relax while Mr. Slinky takes your blood pressure.	1.3691	0.04220	233	168	44	21
1540	Your cholesterol and blood sugar look fine. Its the venom levels that concern me.	1.3691	0.04131	233	166	48	19
1541	Well, I would say get rid of it, if it doesn't spark joy!	1.3691	0.04263	233	169	42	22
1542	Self medicating I see.	1.3691	0.04086	233	165	50	18
1543	Your insurance will only cover this if you become unable to breathe.	1.3690	0.04145	252	184	43	25
1544	Other than that, you're in great shape.	1.3690	0.03717	271	190	62	19
1545	Sorry, your HMO only covers anacondas.	1.3690	0.03826	271	193	56	22
1546	Have you tried charming it?”	1.3689	0.04043	225	157	53	15
1547	We figured out the tightness in your chest.	1.3689	0.03913	244	171	56	17
1548	Any numbness or tingling in lower extremities?	1.3689	0.03999	244	173	52	19
1549	OK...other than that anything else...?	1.3689	0.03913	244	171	56	17
1550	Just learn to relax and unwind.	1.3688	0.03617	282	197	66	19
1551	I'm having trouble finding the code under your insurance whereby I get paid.	1.3686	0.04181	236	170	45	21
1552	Now you might feel a little squeeze.	1.3686	0.03820	236	162	61	13
1553	I want you to take two mongooses and call me in the morning.	1.3686	0.03956	255	182	52	21
1554	I said a RE-stricted diet.	1.3686	0.03755	255	177	62	16
1555	I'm going to need you to get undressed.	1.3684	0.03984	266	193	48	25
1556	OK, good. Now breathe out.	1.3684	0.03922	247	174	55	18
1557	But the good news is your hernia seems to have stabilized.	1.3684	0.04101	228	161	50	17
1558	No, I indicated compression socks.	1.3682	0.04056	239	170	50	19
1559	No, that pressure you feel is a snake wrapped around your body. Any other questions?	1.3680	0.03772	269	190	59	20
1560	I'm prescribing a mild muscle relaxant...	1.3680	0.04011	250	179	50	21
1561	Sorry Mr. Johnson... this time I'll write ASP-irin more clearly.	1.3680	0.04200	231	166	45	20
1562	I’m going to start you out on four mice three times a day and we’ll see if that doesn’t reduce the pressure	1.3680	0.03970	231	161	55	15
1563	I'll be giving you a letter that should allow you to fly with the support boa.	1.3680	0.04109	231	164	49	18
1564	Ok, Let's start with your date of birth please.	1.3678	0.04188	242	176	43	23
1565	You must have heard me wrong; I said RESTRICTED diet.	1.3676	0.03897	253	179	55	19
1566	We just need to squeeze one more urine sample out of you and then we'll be done.	1.3676	0.04055	253	183	47	23
1567	The good news is it’s not poisonous.	1.3675	0.03644	234	157	68	9
1568	I don't like the look of these blood pressure numbers.	1.3675	0.03743	283	202	58	23
1569	They didn't kick you off the plane because of your emotional support python. They kicked you off because you weren't wearing pants.	1.3673	0.04109	245	177	46	22
1570	Don't worry, he's just taking your blood pressure.	1.3673	0.03900	245	172	56	17
1571	What brings you in today Mr. York?	1.3673	0.04311	226	164	41	21
1572	If this doesn’t work, we'll talk about liposuction.	1.3671	0.03648	286	202	63	21
1573	So, how's the new zookeeper's job going?	1.3671	0.03807	237	163	61	13
1574	We find the boa keeps you warmer than the paper gowns	1.3671	0.04166	237	171	45	21
1575	There’s nothing to worry about. It’s nonvenomous.	1.3671	0.03854	237	164	59	14
1576	You'll need to lose your support animal	1.3670	0.04425	218	159	38	21
1577	I'm cancelling your appointment for next week.	1.3668	0.04225	229	165	44	20
1578	I ‘m going to prescribe muscle relaxers...	1.3668	0.03992	229	160	54	15
1579	His blood pressure is great. Yours, on the other hand...	1.3668	0.04086	229	162	50	17
1580	This is our new intern - he’ll be taking your blood pressure.	1.3668	0.03910	259	185	53	21
1581	You say you feel a tightness in your chest?	1.3667	0.03955	240	169	54	17
1582	This seems to be a case of bowel constrictor.	1.3667	0.03797	270	192	57	21
1583	I am writing you a prescription to help with the contractions.	1.3665	0.04154	251	184	42	25
1584	You may want to try snake oil.	1.3665	0.03998	251	180	50	21
1585	Any trouble being swallowed?	1.3665	0.04115	251	183	44	24
1586	The good news is that it’s not a skin condition.	1.3665	0.04139	221	156	49	16
1587	And what is your primary complaint?	1.3665	0.04286	221	159	43	19
1588	Good news, bad news- You have high blood pressure, but we think we know the cause.	1.3664	0.03802	262	185	58	19
1589	This particular snake is on the endangered species list, so you are just going to have to learn to live with it.	1.3664	0.04095	232	165	49	18
1590	Your temperature is fine, but he's running a bit cold.	1.3664	0.04140	232	166	47	19
1591	Your name wouldn't be Monty, by any chance?	1.3663	0.04173	243	177	43	23
1592	Yup, it's herpetitis.	1.3663	0.04049	243	174	49	20
1593	All your presenting symptoms point to hypoanacondria, but since you're here let's take a look.	1.3663	0.04049	243	174	49	20
1594	You've got coil-itis."	1.3662	0.04033	213	147	54	12
1595	Ok. So everything looks fine. I'll see you next year.	1.3661	0.03924	254	181	53	20
1596	Good news. The snake is going to be ok.	1.3661	0.03884	254	180	55	19
1597	I see you checked "chest tightness"	1.3660	0.04057	235	167	50	18
1598	It's our new organic blood pressure cuff, from Florida. You will feel some tightening.	1.3660	0.04057	235	167	50	18
1599	I'm afraid all things point to Monty Python Disease.	1.3660	0.04190	235	170	44	21
1600	So, Mr. Clark, what brings you in today?	1.3659	0.03702	276	195	61	20
1601	Sorry, your Cobra doesn't cover boa.	1.3659	0.03977	276	203	45	28
1602	No, it's not herpes; it's herpetology.	1.3659	0.04135	246	179	44	23
1603	Are you a smoker?	1.3659	0.04135	246	179	44	23
1604	No, the epinephrine is for your anaphalaxisis- the rat is for the anaconda.	1.3659	0.03930	246	174	54	18
1605	Any unhealthy attachments?	1.3657	0.04153	216	152	49	15
1606	You say you’re feeling short of breath. Any other symptoms?	1.3656	0.04295	227	165	41	21
1607	I recommend staying off that motherfucking plane.	1.3656	0.04429	227	168	35	24
1608	How may I help you?	1.3655	0.04194	238	173	43	22
1609	Your blood pressure is high. Any pressing concerns?	1.3655	0.04021	238	169	51	18
1610	Congratulations! It’s a boa.	1.3655	0.03772	290	210	54	26
1611	I recommend switching to a feather boa. It might not make as strong a fashion statement, but it's easier on the heart and lungs.	1.3655	0.04059	249	180	47	22
1612	For starters, you are wound too tight.	1.3655	0.03896	249	176	55	18
1613	I'd like to run a few tests to rule out some of the more serious causes of shortness of breath.	1.3655	0.03938	249	177	53	19
1614	As soon as nurse Python has finished taking your blood pressure we'll check those hemorrhoids.	1.3655	0.03978	249	178	51	20
1615	I see you're already familiar with health insurers and the pharmaceutical industry.	1.3655	0.04099	249	181	45	23
1616	This is my first prescription for snake oil.	1.3655	0.03854	249	175	57	17
1617	Snake or no snake, bend over.	1.3655	0.03978	249	178	51	20
1618	Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover snake coil.	1.3654	0.03859	260	185	55	20
1619	Other symptoms besides tightness in the chest?	1.3651	0.03853	241	168	58	15
1620	Sometimes you eat the thing, sometimes the thing eats you. . .very simple really.	1.3651	0.03781	252	176	60	16
1621	Have you been under a lot of pressure?	1.3651	0.04178	252	186	40	26
1622	I need you to try to swallow for me.	1.3651	0.03863	252	178	56	18
1623	For a herpetologist, you're WAY too wrapped-up in your work.	1.3651	0.03944	252	180	52	20
1624	It's better than the lap band. After the first week, you won't mind the calorie restriction at all.	1.3651	0.03904	252	179	54	19
1625	It says here you have tightness in the chest.	1.3650	0.03903	263	189	52	22
1626	You? You're fine. But I'd like to run some tests on the boa.	1.3650	0.03593	263	181	68	14
1627	Your toenail fungus seems to have cleared up. Is there anything else I can help you with?	1.3649	0.04166	211	148	49	14
1628	Blood pressure is high - but understandable.	1.3649	0.04173	222	158	47	17
1629	I'm impressed you managed to get your gown off.	1.3648	0.04125	233	167	47	19
1630	Like I told you Monty, you can't bring your human to the vet.	1.3648	0.04199	244	179	41	24
1631	Well right off the bat, I think we'll rule out bronchitis and pneumonia	1.3648	0.03993	244	174	51	19
1632	I'm going to back off on the vasoconstrictor medication.	1.3648	0.04118	244	177	45	22
1633	As your vet, I must advise against eating any more humans.	1.3648	0.04035	244	175	49	20
1634	Like I said, snake strangulations are only covered under the Double Platinum HMO plan, and you only have the Triple Gold PPO. But you can update your plan during your employer's open enrollment next January.	1.3647	0.04104	255	187	43	25
1635	And when did this numbness start?	1.3645	0.04333	214	154	42	18
1636	In a way I’m jealous because I could really use a hug.	1.3644	0.03814	236	163	60	13
1637	Unfortunately, your insurance only covers domestic serpents.	1.3644	0.04088	236	169	48	19
1638	Any travel abroad recently?	1.3644	0.04043	236	168	50	18
1639	If we don't take any action, I'm afraid that this coil may be mortal.	1.3644	0.04218	236	172	42	22
1640	I'm afraid the news will be hard to digest, Mr. Beckley. Well, for you anyway.	1.3644	0.03953	236	166	54	16
1641	So you're telling me you can't sleep because of a hissing noise?	1.3644	0.04000	247	177	50	20
1642	Believe it or not, the best thing for this is good old-fashioned snake oil. You'll slide out in no time.	1.3643	0.03956	258	186	50	22
1643	His blood pressure is perfect; yours, on the other hand....."	1.3643	0.03840	258	183	56	19
1644	So what's the problem, sir?	1.3643	0.03956	258	186	50	22
1645	So, is this your way of saying you're covered thru COBRA?	1.3643	0.03917	258	185	52	21
1646	No, tapeworms are slightly different.	1.3643	0.04142	258	191	40	27
1647	Now, do you smoke?	1.3640	0.04279	228	166	41	21
1648	Shortness of breath and constant hissing". 'Is this all that's been bothering you?	1.3640	0.03827	239	166	59	14
1649	Any new sources of stress in your life?	1.3640	0.03873	239	167	57	15
1650	Stop worrying. He's fine.	1.3640	0.04051	239	171	49	19
1651	I am writing you a prescription for Xanax and some feeder mice.	1.3640	0.04051	239	171	49	19
1652	You know, there are more effective treatments for constipation.	1.3640	0.04045	250	181	47	22
1653	Give her one mouse three times daily.	1.3640	0.03925	250	178	53	19
1654	This shortness of breath; is it new?	1.3640	0.03885	261	187	53	21
1655	I can prescribe you Snake Oil, but it is not covered by insurance.	1.3640	0.04177	261	195	37	29
1656	I think it must have been my penmanship on that last prescription. Let’s try again.	1.3640	0.04017	272	201	43	28
1657	So, does it really feel like a constriction, or is it more a sharp radiating pain?	1.3636	0.03739	264	186	60	18
1658	What does Eve say?	1.3636	0.03891	253	180	54	19
1659	Many of my patients prefer it to a suppository.	1.3636	0.03891	253	180	54	19
1660	You felt fine when you got on the plane. Then what?	1.3636	0.04149	231	166	46	19
1661	No, Mr. Carlson, tightness in the chest and shortness of breath are not always symptoms of a heart attack.	1.3636	0.04198	220	157	46	17
1662	Well it's not your appendix.	1.3636	0.04239	231	168	42	21
1663	I'm going to prescribe some snake oil, which should loosen it right up.	1.3636	0.04057	242	174	48	20
1664	You can't imagine how many cases like yours we see."	1.3633	0.03785	267	190	57	20
1665	He enjoys hugging all our patients.	1.3633	0.04021	245	176	49	20
1666	Any other symptoms besides shortness of breath?	1.3633	0.04144	245	179	43	23
1667	It's my fault ... on this prescription I'm writing out 'vaso-constrictor.'	1.3632	0.04285	234	172	39	23
1668	Please make sure he is fasting when you come in for the blood tests	1.3632	0.04199	234	170	43	21
1669	Next time, try not to tread on it.	1.3632	0.03881	234	163	57	14
1670	Well, it’s good we managed to squeeze you in today.	1.3632	0.04109	223	158	49	16
1671	So on a scale of one to ten...	1.3632	0.04158	223	159	47	17
1672	The good news is the tightness in your chest is not a heart attack.	1.3629	0.03827	259	184	56	19
1673	I suggest you feed him two mice and call me in the morning.	1.3629	0.04147	248	182	42	24
1674	And for your legs, I’ll prescribe pressure socks with garters.	1.3629	0.03945	248	177	52	19
1675	And then what happened?	1.3629	0.04027	248	179	48	21
1676	Tightness in the chest.... Could be anxiety, could be any number of things. We'll have to run some tests.	1.3629	0.04029	237	169	50	18
1677	Lots of things can cause chest pain.	1.3629	0.04073	237	170	48	19
1678	Uh-huh, tightness of the chest, difficulty breathing . . . anything else?	1.3629	0.03939	237	167	54	16
1679	Say this phrase twice daily for a week and it should turn back into a staff.	1.3629	0.04203	237	173	42	22
1680	So, how did you and my ex meet?	1.3629	0.04328	237	176	36	25
1681	You seem a little constricted.	1.3628	0.04166	226	162	46	18
1682	Now tell me again about the tightness in your chest?	1.3628	0.04022	226	159	52	15
1683	The reports came back from the lab and it turns out, there's a snake wrapped around you.	1.3625	0.04149	251	185	41	25
1684	You look tense, I'll give you a few minutes to unwind.	1.3625	0.03829	251	177	57	17
1685	You still have to bend over.	1.3625	0.03912	251	179	53	19
1686	What is the problem?	1.3625	0.04110	251	184	43	24
1687	It’s psychosomatic. You just need to unwind.	1.3625	0.03702	251	174	63	14
1688	And what are you here to see me about this morning?	1.3625	0.03993	240	171	51	18
1689	Just checking. When was the last time you fed him?	1.3625	0.04037	240	172	49	19
1690	Thanks for squeezing me in	1.3625	0.04037	240	172	49	19
1691	We were able to squeeze you in. Now what's the problem?	1.3624	0.04033	229	162	51	16
1692	First question Mr. Neeman. Have you recently been traveling abroad?	1.3624	0.04080	229	163	49	17
1693	Believe me, everybody in healthcare is feeling the squeeze nowadays.	1.3624	0.04080	229	163	49	17
1694	Your insurance said if we can get the parasite inside your body, they'll cover it.	1.3622	0.04036	254	185	46	23
1695	The good news is we can rule out ringworm.	1.3622	0.03919	254	182	52	20
1696	I'll need you to take everything off for your exam.	1.3622	0.03756	254	178	60	16
1697	Your stool sample confirms, it's coilitis.	1.3622	0.03997	254	184	48	22
1698	I'd suggest putting aside some time to unwind.	1.3622	0.03673	254	176	64	14
1699	At any time in the last four weeks have you felt depressed, anxious or hopeless?	1.3622	0.03958	254	183	50	21
1700	Take two aspirin and give him four mice a day.	1.3621	0.03958	243	173	52	18
1701	Well, your blood pressure seems fine.	1.3621	0.03958	243	173	52	18
1702	If you want a second opinion, the snake is also endangered.	1.3621	0.04167	243	178	42	23
1703	I think we can squeeze you in next Tuesday	1.3621	0.04043	243	175	48	20
1704	Shouldn't we really be talking about the elephant in the room?	1.3621	0.03902	232	162	56	14
1705	Heart palpitations are normal for a man with your condition	1.3621	0.04043	232	165	50	17
1706	Let me write this down: Tightness in chest, difficulty breathing, started on Tuesday after a trip to the Everglades. Anything else you can tell me before I (look up from my clipboard and actually) examine you?'	1.3621	0.03996	232	164	52	16
1707	Yes, your scarf too.	1.3621	0.04311	232	171	38	23
1708	Have you traveled out of the country in the past year?	1.3620	0.04032	221	155	52	14
1709	Have him take two rodents, every four hours, then call me in the morning.	1.3619	0.03847	268	193	53	22
1710	Let me see if I can squeeze you in next week.	1.3619	0.03685	257	179	63	15
1711	Nothing serious. Just try to unwind, and you’ll be fine.	1.3619	0.03685	257	179	63	15
1712	And you say it was there when you woke up this morning?	1.3618	0.03795	246	172	59	15
1713	Seems like you’ve picked something up from your recent trip to Australia.	1.3618	0.03966	246	176	51	19
1714	The good news is that you should be able to digest the human over the next few days	1.3617	0.04096	235	169	47	19
1715	Have you been picking at it?	1.3617	0.04096	235	169	47	19
1716	Okay, so none of your friends thought you could manage a pet store. Then what?	1.3617	0.03820	235	163	59	13
1717	As we told your wife, we can save one of you. She has the glass tank in the car.	1.3616	0.04285	224	163	41	20
1718	I said erectile not reptile!	1.3615	0.03968	260	189	48	23
1719	I understand your frustration, but there's no need to hiss.	1.3615	0.03854	260	186	54	20
1720	I think it still counts as a preexisting condition.	1.3614	0.04054	249	181	46	22
1721	Are you having difficulty swallowing?	1.3613	0.04015	238	170	50	18
1722	Any symptoms other than the tightness in your chest?	1.3613	0.04102	238	172	46	20
1723	But the good news is...keep him properly fed, and you’re in no immediate danger	1.3613	0.03741	238	164	62	12
1724	We are done. Get dressed and get your asp out of here.	1.3612	0.04103	227	162	48	17
1725	You're backsliding - you've gained weight, your heart rate is elevated, and your breathing is shallow.	1.3612	0.04056	227	161	50	16
1726	Try a feather boa next time.	1.3612	0.04103	227	162	48	17
1727	Well, shortness of breath is a side-effect of your current medication	1.3612	0.04511	227	171	30	26
1728	I’m not a therapist, but I’d say this relationship is suffocating you.	1.3612	0.03860	263	189	53	21
1729	The good news? It’ll eliminate that frog in your throat.	1.3612	0.03707	263	185	61	17
1730	As for your pet mouse, I don't think we'll be able to save her.	1.3611	0.03817	252	178	57	17
1731	I'm referring you to a psychoherpetologist. He might be able to help you unwind.	1.3611	0.04198	216	154	46	16
1732	Perhaps you can prescribe me a different vasoconstrictor?	1.3610	0.04191	241	177	41	23
1733	Fortunately, your driver's license indicates that you're a donor.	1.3610	0.04108	241	175	45	21
1734	Have your traveled outside the continental United States in the last twenty one days?	1.3609	0.03829	266	191	54	21
1735	Our blood pressure machine is out of order.	1.3609	0.03903	266	193	50	23
1736	Just saw your cat scan. Is your house pet missing?	1.3609	0.04158	230	166	45	19
1737	Some respiratory constriction, a perfectly normal response.	1.3609	0.03874	230	160	57	13
1738	And how long have you had this man stuck in you Mr... Boa is it?	1.3608	0.04061	255	187	44	24
1739	Says here you’re having tightness in you’re chest?	1.3608	0.03945	255	184	50	21
1740	You know, as your proctologist I will have to look at your asp.	1.3608	0.03866	255	182	54	19
1741	Other than tightness in your chest is there anything else to report.	1.3607	0.04106	219	155	49	15
1742	Well, I most certainly can explain the crushing chest pain.	1.3607	0.03945	244	174	52	18
1743	You have Monty Python syndrome.	1.3607	0.04112	244	178	44	22
1744	I see your ex got custody of the apple.	1.3607	0.03902	244	173	54	17
1745	...and avoid eating apples.	1.3607	0.03945	244	174	52	18
1746	much less invasive than stapling	1.3606	0.03611	269	188	65	16
1747	Well, you shouldn't have eaten her eggs.	1.3605	0.04164	233	169	44	20
1748	The pressure you feel in your chest is apparently not related to your heart.	1.3605	0.04028	233	166	50	17
1749	So you have a few questions about your COBRA?	1.3605	0.03988	258	188	47	23
1750	I'd suggest a lubricant. Snake oil should do the trick.	1.3605	0.03912	258	186	51	21
1751	I really won't know until I get the lab results back.	1.3605	0.04100	258	191	41	26
1752	Still single?	1.3604	0.04068	222	157	50	15
1753	Ok, can you breathe in for me?	1.3604	0.03914	222	154	56	12
1754	Ok, I'll give you credit for creativity. But this is the last time I'll refill your painkillers.	1.3603	0.04116	247	181	43	23
1755	Any other symptoms besides tightening of the chest?	1.3603	0.03994	247	178	49	20
1756	So you say you started feeling badly at the zoo.	1.3603	0.03782	247	173	59	15
1757	Yes, I can see that, but I would still like to rule out an allergic reaction.	1.3602	0.04212	236	173	41	22
1758	Good news is that he’ll be squeezing you less than your HMO and the drug companies	1.3602	0.04037	236	169	49	18
1759	Could you be more specific?	1.3602	0.04169	236	172	43	21
1760	Says here you have trouble breathing, is that correct?	1.3602	0.03842	261	187	54	20
1761	Yeah... it’s like worms... just much, much worse!	1.3600	0.03810	275	199	53	23
1762	Alright, I'm going to check your blood pressure. You may feel a gentle squeezing sensation on your arm.	1.3600	0.03878	250	178	54	18
1763	No, actually my chart says vapor rub.	1.3600	0.03919	250	179	52	19
1764	I’m going to refer you to a sssspecialist.	1.3600	0.04119	250	184	42	24
1765	Any history of python strangulation in your family?	1.3600	0.04040	250	182	46	22
1766	I also recommend you stay away from apples and sin.	1.3600	0.04000	250	181	48	21
1767	Are you sexually active?	1.3600	0.04080	250	183	44	23
1768	I'm sorry. Your insurance considers this a pre-existing condition.	1.3598	0.03922	264	192	49	23
1769	I can resubmit, but this is apparently all your plan covers for constipation....	1.3598	0.04031	264	195	43	26
1770	The compression socks just didn't seem to be working.	1.3598	0.03734	264	187	59	18
1771	It appears your main squeeze has some serious attachment issues.	1.3598	0.04045	239	172	48	19
1772	I'll just renew your Emotional Support Animal prescription while you're here.	1.3598	0.04376	214	156	39	19
1773	Side effects may include shortness of breath	1.3597	0.03845	253	180	55	18
1774	So I'm prescribing a muscle relaxant for his separation anxiety....	1.3596	0.04407	228	170	34	24
1775	I'll run some tests, but it looks like you have a constriction.	1.3596	0.03817	267	192	54	21
1776	Your insurance company says it’s a pre-existing condition.....	1.3594	0.04182	217	155	46	16
1777	The good news is that the squeezing sensation in your chest is not a heart attack.	1.3594	0.03932	256	185	50	21
1778	No way I can certify it as a support pet!	1.3594	0.03971	256	186	48	22
1779	So you say she’s having trouble swallowing?	1.3594	0.03932	256	185	50	21
1780	So what is your support boa’s name?	1.3593	0.04051	231	165	49	17
1781	I suggest you take anti-HISS-tamines.	1.3593	0.03909	231	162	55	14
1782	Feed it two white mice and call me in the morning.	1.3593	0.04277	231	170	39	22
1783	Before he squeezes the life out of you, please finish filling out your insurance information.	1.3593	0.04143	231	167	45	19
1784	I told you, everything off except your underwear	1.3592	0.03802	245	172	58	15
1785	I’m not a vet but I think he just might be hungry	1.3592	0.03757	245	171	60	14
1786	I'm prescribing a little snake oil.	1.3591	0.04141	220	157	47	16
1787	Of course, there are two viewpoints to consider here.	1.3591	0.03703	259	182	61	16
1788	This is the worst case of ring worm I've ever seen.	1.3591	0.04050	259	191	43	25
1789	I’m going to refer both of us to a psychiatrist.	1.3591	0.03938	259	188	49	22
1790	And when did you first start experiencing shortness of breath?	1.3591	0.03861	259	186	53	20
1791	Anything else concerning you?	1.3591	0.03899	259	187	51	21
1792	Well, if you can't take a deep breath and exhale for me, maybe the best thing is just to reschedule.	1.3590	0.04014	234	167	50	17
1793	145/90 .....try to unwind more often, Bob	1.3589	0.04062	248	181	45	22
1794	Nice boa. First attempt at cross dressing?	1.3589	0.03981	248	179	49	20
1795	It appears your snake is suffering from acute separation anxiety.	1.3589	0.03898	248	177	53	18
1796	Eve sent you, right?	1.3589	0.04398	209	152	39	18
1797	'C'mon Mr. Franklin. Clothes off means everything.'	1.3588	0.03752	262	186	58	18
1798	Well, your blood pressure is a little high...	1.3588	0.03713	262	185	60	17
1799	Give her two rabbits and call me in the morning.	1.3588	0.03829	262	188	54	20
1800	Don't you remember what happened last time you listened to Dr. Oz?	1.3588	0.03673	262	184	62	16
1801	It says here on your chart that you’re his main squeeze.	1.3587	0.04247	223	162	42	19
1802	I'm sorry, but I'm afraid this is a preexisting condition so you are not covered.	1.3587	0.04151	223	160	46	17
1803	So let's see...a tightness in your chest, shortness of breath, high blood pressure. Any trouble sleeping?	1.3587	0.04151	223	160	46	17
1804	Give him these muscle relaxants and stop calling him 'Monty'	1.3587	0.04199	223	161	44	18
1805	I'm prescribing a de-constrictor.	1.3586	0.03887	237	167	55	15
1806	I’m going to write you a referral to my vet as well.	1.3586	0.03865	251	179	54	18
1807	Strangely your blood pressure has risen since you got your emotional support pet.	1.3586	0.03823	251	178	56	17
1808	According to clinical trials, the treatment is mutually beneficial. The snake keeps you from smoking, and you keep the snake from suffocating other people.	1.3586	0.03987	251	182	48	21
1809	I think we can rule out asthma.	1.3586	0.03739	251	176	60	15
1810	Let's wait and see what happens when he sheds.	1.3585	0.03566	265	184	67	14
1811	I'm still not sure how this happened but, we're going to get that human out right away	1.3585	0.04353	212	154	40	18
1812	You said 'parasite' on the phone so we were kind of thinking internal.	1.3585	0.03873	265	192	51	22
1813	Nice try Irwin. Now please drop your shorts and bend over.	1.3584	0.04253	226	165	41	20
1814	The reason for your visit today indicates chest pains and difficulty breathing. Could you be more specific?	1.3584	0.04064	226	161	49	16
1815	So...you realized you were naked right after eating the apple?	1.3584	0.03865	226	157	57	12
1816	GIVE THE SNAKE A SHOT OF WHISKEY TO UNWIND	1.3583	0.04074	240	174	46	20
1817	how long have you been her favorite squeeze?	1.3583	0.04116	240	175	44	21
1818	This is the one time that snake oil actually does work.	1.3583	0.03833	254	181	55	18
1819	Yeah, well, you're not the only one getting squeezed by the new Medicare plans.	1.3583	0.03992	254	185	47	22
1820	I guess you're not as charming as you thought you were.	1.3583	0.04031	254	186	45	23
1821	If you think you're choking now, wait till you see my bill.	1.3583	0.03913	254	183	51	20
1822	Feed him two rodents and call me in the morning.	1.3583	0.03792	254	180	57	17
1823	You still need to sign this consent.	1.3583	0.03792	254	180	57	17
1824	Looks like he found you way too charming.	1.3580	0.04079	243	177	45	21
1825	It's not covered since it's a pre-constricting condition.	1.3580	0.04079	243	177	45	21
1826	How are you otherwise? Stool normal?	1.3580	0.04121	243	178	43	22
1827	Well, it's actually helping your scoliosis.	1.3580	0.03679	257	180	62	15
1828	This is the noninvasive lap band alternative we discussed....	1.3580	0.03958	257	187	48	22
1829	Couples therapy is on the second floor.	1.3580	0.03880	257	185	52	20
1830	Take two mongooses and call me in the morning	1.3580	0.03841	257	184	54	19
1831	You marked "Constricted Airway" on your intake form. Have you been experiencing any other symptoms?	1.3580	0.03919	257	186	50	21
1832	The symptoms began after you ate the apple, is that right?	1.3579	0.03810	285	209	50	26
1833	Question eight. Any family history of reptile constriction?	1.3578	0.04115	218	155	48	15
1834	Your insurance company does cover resuscitation, so I'll return in about half an hour.	1.3578	0.04216	218	157	44	17
1835	So...I see from your chart that you’re due for a flu shot.	1.3578	0.04082	232	167	47	18
1836	I'll make an exception and prescribe snake oil.	1.3578	0.03943	232	164	53	15
1837	This compression device should reduce the swelling.	1.3578	0.03943	232	164	53	15
1838	So how long would you say he has had abandonment issues?	1.3577	0.04084	246	180	44	22
1839	Be sure to give this muscle relaxer to your pet.	1.3577	0.04002	246	178	48	20
1840	Yes, I think it is very clever that you named him Monty.	1.3575	0.04224	221	160	43	18
1841	So...how was your trip to Brazil?	1.3574	0.04134	235	171	44	20
1842	Try not to breathe.	1.3574	0.04178	235	172	42	21
1843	Perhaps you should consider a different comfort pet.	1.3574	0.03908	235	166	54	15
1844	We've got a couple of options here, but not necessarily a lot of time.	1.3574	0.03714	249	174	61	14
1845	Is it more of a sharp or squeezing pain?	1.3574	0.03926	249	179	51	19
1846	I'd find a nice pair of beige pumps and go with it.	1.3574	0.04003	263	194	44	25
1847	They've a good python man at Special Surgery, but the earliest I can get you in is next week.	1.3571	0.03919	238	169	53	16
1848	Besides the tightness in your chest, any fever or loss of appetite?	1.3571	0.03852	252	180	54	18
1849	Other than difficulty breathing, any symptoms?	1.3571	0.04053	238	172	47	19
1850	So when did you first feel the tightening in your chest?	1.3571	0.03964	238	170	51	17
1851	So, when did you first start feeling a tightness around your chest, Mr Green?	1.3571	0.04009	238	171	49	18
1852	Yes, you are the last patient in my 36-hour shift...what seems to be the problem?	1.3571	0.04633	210	158	29	23
1853	Well, your feet look fine....	1.3571	0.03641	252	175	64	13
1854	Spanx are easier.	1.3571	0.04184	224	162	44	18
1855	Have you traveled to any foreign countries in the past six months?	1.3571	0.04135	224	161	46	17
1856	Now let me get this straight. You lost your job and you want to pay with your Cobra?	1.3571	0.04184	224	162	44	18
1857	\unfortunately, all the tests indicate that he’s hungry.	1.3571	0.03654	280	200	60	20
1858	...and are you sexually active?	1.3569	0.03820	255	182	55	18
1859	Difficulty breathing can have any number of causes.	1.3569	0.03780	255	181	57	17
1860	I think some snake oil might help.	1.3568	0.03841	241	170	56	15
1861	You seem all wound up.	1.3568	0.03973	241	173	50	18
1862	And after the apple what happened....	1.3568	0.03973	241	173	50	18
1863	Any tightness in the chest? difficulty breathing...?	1.3566	0.03764	272	196	55	21
1864	I have good news. The tightness in your chest is not a cardiac problem.	1.3566	0.03749	258	183	58	17
1865	Charming.	1.3566	0.03907	258	187	50	21
1866	This should keep the swelling down for now.	1.3566	0.03939	244	175	51	18
1867	Your blood vessels are somewhat constricted, but it's good that you do have COBRA insurance. You're covered!	1.3566	0.04228	244	182	37	25
1868	have you traveled out of the country recently?	1.3565	0.04151	230	167	44	19
1869	My notes say you have been having trouble breathing. When did this start?	1.3565	0.03916	230	162	54	14
1870	So you're calling this more of a constriction than a pain?	1.3563	0.03874	261	189	51	21
1871	Yeh, but first why don't you tell me how you unlaced your shoes and unbuttoned your shirt.	1.3563	0.03836	261	188	53	20
1872	I said restrict your diet not constrict	1.3562	0.04068	233	168	47	18
1873	Have you visited any tropical locations recently?	1.3562	0.04068	233	168	47	18
1874	Well, you don’t have malaria.	1.3562	0.04246	233	172	39	22
1875	No, cross dressing is not generally bad for your health, but that kind of boa could be fatal.	1.3562	0.04068	233	168	47	18
1876	You say your wife's name is Eve?	1.3561	0.03843	264	191	52	21
1877	Patients hated the old colonoscopy prep, so let's give this a try.	1.3560	0.03830	250	178	55	17
1878	...and have you experienced any chest pain or shortness of breath?	1.3560	0.04074	250	184	43	23
1879	Great news, your lab reports show you're in excellent health.	1.3560	0.03994	250	182	47	21
1880	Your insurance company says your chest tightness and shortness of breath are preexisting conditions.	1.3559	0.03940	236	168	52	16
1881	I do admit...It's an old method of curing constipation!	1.3559	0.04160	222	160	45	17
1882	I'm sorry but your HMO lists having a snake as a pre-existing condition.	1.3559	0.04256	222	162	41	19
1883	Didn't your previous vet tell you not to attempt to eat another full size human sooner than 6 months after the last one?	1.3558	0.03992	267	198	43	26
1884	In my expert opinion, you're under too much pressure.	1.3557	0.03839	253	181	54	18
1885	I'm sorry. You're not completely covered.	1.3557	0.03839	253	181	54	18
1886	Sorry. The pharmacy keeps misreading my prescriptions.	1.3557	0.03798	253	180	56	17
1887	These pills should help him unwind but call me in the morning if you still feel constricted.	1.3556	0.03995	239	172	49	18
1888	Well, I did say getting a pet would lower your heart rate.	1.3556	0.03768	239	167	59	13
1889	Your diagnosis is coilitis.	1.3556	0.03906	239	170	53	16
1890	I can confirm that the tightness in your chest is not viral.	1.3556	0.04168	225	163	44	18
1891	So, Darryl, some good news, it is not poisonous.	1.3556	0.04215	225	164	42	19
1892	No, I think we can rule out a tape worm.	1.3556	0.04262	225	165	40	20
1893	You seem pretty tightly wound!	1.3555	0.03808	256	183	55	18
1894	Most burlesque dancers use a feather boa	1.3554	0.04045	242	176	46	20
1895	Looks like we can rule out asthma.	1.3554	0.03960	242	174	50	18
1896	Any tightness in your chest? Shortness of breath?	1.3553	0.04129	228	165	45	18
1897	I suggest a muscle relaxant . . . for the snake.	1.3552	0.03816	259	186	54	19
1898	You're going to have to speak up.	1.3552	0.03970	259	190	46	23
1899	According to Amazon, when you ordered, you neglected to check the box labeled 'feather.'	1.3551	0.03968	245	177	49	19
1900	No, it’s not a tapeworm. But it’s nothing that a box full of guinea pigs won’t help.	1.3551	0.03925	245	176	51	18
1901	And how much do you weigh without the snake?	1.3551	0.04092	245	180	43	22
1902	Well, the good news, it's not COPD.	1.3551	0.03615	276	196	62	18
1903	What is your chief complaint today?	1.3548	0.03892	248	178	52	18
1904	Your blood test came back fine	1.3548	0.03676	248	173	62	13
1905	Your labs came back fine.	1.3548	0.04071	217	154	49	14
1906	Well, it’s been a year and he hasn’t eaten you yet.	1.3547	0.03639	265	187	62	16
1907	Alternative therapies can sometimes come back to bite you.	1.3547	0.04098	234	170	45	19
1908	It may be a nice pick up line, but 'I've got a python in my pants' is intended to be pure metaphor."	1.3547	0.04053	234	169	47	18
1909	Take two aspirin and a very cold shower. Then Run.	1.3547	0.04098	234	170	45	19
1910	Your blood pressure is on the high side. Do you smoke?	1.3547	0.04098	234	170	45	19
1911	The tightness in your chest is just a minor panic attack... Perhaps due to the python.	1.3546	0.03941	251	182	49	20
1912	It gives more accurate blood pressure reading.	1.3546	0.03859	251	180	53	18
1913	Crestor for cholesterol and a flute for the snake as needed.	1.3546	0.03733	251	177	59	15
1914	You say his name is Monty.	1.3545	0.04134	220	158	46	16
1915	I am prescribing a muscle relaxant for the snake which has worked well in clinical trials.	1.3544	0.03881	237	168	54	15
1916	This prescription should help with the hissing.	1.3544	0.03881	237	168	54	15
1917	Oddly enough, I prescribe snake oil in cases like yours.	1.3544	0.04218	206	147	45	14
1918	First the good news, we have excluded cancer.	1.3543	0.03907	254	184	50	20
1919	And you say you're feeling contractions	1.3543	0.03827	254	182	54	18
1920	And would you say its more of a burning, or a squeezing pain?	1.3543	0.03867	254	183	52	19
1921	Do you have any shortness of breath or pressure in your chest?	1.3543	0.03745	254	180	58	16
1922	I told you which fruits were forbidden, Adam.	1.3543	0.04288	223	164	39	20
1923	So what Garden was that?	1.3543	0.03995	223	158	51	14
1924	"On a scale of 1-10 would you say you feel more constricted than last visit?"	1.3543	0.03944	223	157	53	13
1925	The good news is that your cancer is in remission.	1.3542	0.03806	271	197	52	22
1926	I’m afraid it’s considered a pre-existing condition, Adam.	1.3542	0.03981	240	173	49	18
1927	OK... Don’t take a deep breath.	1.3542	0.03892	240	171	53	16
1928	So, some good news: you don’t have the flu.	1.3542	0.03981	240	173	49	18
1929	You seem to be wound awfully tight.	1.3542	0.04152	240	177	41	22
1930	So, tell me what's happened to Eve.	1.3541	0.03991	257	189	45	23
1931	I can remove it but it's not covered under your insurance	1.3541	0.03755	257	183	57	17
1932	Well now, tightness in your chest could be due to any number of causes! No need to jump to conclusions.	1.3540	0.04105	226	163	46	17
1933	I’m writing you a prescription for an emotional support mongoose.	1.3539	0.03989	243	176	48	19
1934	Have you traveled out of the country in the past 3 months?	1.3539	0.03859	243	173	54	16
1935	Difficulty breathing. Any other symptoms?	1.3538	0.03685	260	184	60	16
1936	How was your vacation to the Everglades?	1.3537	0.03874	229	161	55	13
1937	Just so you know, our veterinarian specialist is out of network.	1.3537	0.03996	246	179	47	20
1938	Hi, so I’d first like to get to know you a bit, then we can talk about why you’re here today.	1.3537	0.04159	246	183	39	24
1939	I can give you something, but he looks fine to me.	1.3535	0.03987	215	151	52	12
1940	Well, I'm a little concerned about your blood pressure.	1.3535	0.04302	215	157	40	18
1941	Oh? Mambacare?	1.3534	0.04255	232	172	38	22
1942	Tightness in your chest, labored breathing, elevated heart rate......do you use a lot of salt Mr. McCready?	1.3534	0.04030	232	167	48	17
1943	I'm referring you to a herpetologist. I'm not sure what kind of snake that is.	1.3534	0.03837	249	178	54	17
1944	Amazon delivery?	1.3534	0.04082	249	184	42	23
1945	With this medication, you should no longer need that emotional support pet.	1.3534	0.03781	266	192	54	20
1946	Return the mouse and no one gets hurt.	1.3532	0.03947	235	168	51	16
1947	Sorry, you need to make a separate appointment for any new issues. Now tell me more about your cough.	1.3532	0.04038	235	170	47	18
1948	The good news is it's not the poisonous kind.	1.3532	0.03611	235	161	65	9
1949	Take this asp. Print the prescription. Go home and unwind.	1.3532	0.03887	252	182	51	19
1950	No, I do understand, but an emotional support snake is not on the approved list	1.3532	0.03968	252	184	47	21
1951	Well, I see the snake isn’t working.	1.3529	0.03722	272	196	56	20
1952	You better see a pythologist about this."	1.3529	0.03733	255	181	58	16
1953	We don’t see this side effect very often.	1.3529	0.03685	272	195	58	19
1954	I'm writing you a prescription for mice.	1.3529	0.04002	238	172	48	18
1955	Next time just be a bit more careful ordering Monty Python on Amazon.	1.3529	0.03855	255	184	52	19
1956	Well, I think I can explain the tightness in your chest that you're feeling...	1.3529	0.03913	238	170	52	16
1957	I'm prescribing you change from Cobra to Aetna for better coverage.	1.3527	0.04053	258	192	41	25
1958	Well, I think your lifestyle choices are contributing to that tightness you feel in your chest.	1.3527	0.03923	241	173	51	17
1959	I'm going to refer you to a specialist. How long can you hold your breath?	1.3527	0.04010	241	175	47	19
1960	Well, that explains your weight gain."	1.3527	0.04053	241	176	45	20
1961	Before I prescribe this, have you taken rikitikitavidan before?	1.3527	0.04179	241	179	39	23
1962	Sheila is my comfort pet. But lately she has become a bit possessive.	1.3527	0.04419	207	152	37	18
1963	So sorry for the delay. What seems to be the problem?	1.3525	0.03846	244	174	54	16
1964	I’m sorry Mr. Perkins, we don’t accept Mutual of Omaha.	1.3524	0.04230	227	167	40	20
1965	Okay. You can go right ahead and put your shirt back on.	1.3524	0.04425	210	155	36	19
1966	How are you feeling otherwise?	1.3523	0.03800	264	191	53	20
1967	Well, Harry, you did say you wanted an all-natural treatment for constipation”	1.3523	0.03912	264	194	47	23
1968	So what’s wrong with Gladys besides being a bit clingy today?	1.3522	0.03856	247	177	53	17
1969	You were cutting the grass, and then what happened?	1.3522	0.03957	230	164	51	15
1970	Shortness of breath. Anything else?	1.3522	0.03957	230	164	51	15
1971	Unfortunately, I’m not much of a charmer.	1.3522	0.03909	230	163	53	14
1972	Would you say it's more of a sharp pain or a dull ache?	1.3521	0.03541	284	202	64	18
1973	Sir, it is not customary for the pet's owner to disrobe.	1.3520	0.03988	250	183	46	21
1974	So, Mr. Naga, what brings you in today?	1.3520	0.03739	250	177	58	15
1975	The good news is that your blood pressure's back down where we want it	1.3520	0.03866	250	180	52	18
1976	So Mr. Smith, Point to where it hurts.	1.3519	0.03969	233	167	50	16
1977	Have you had any other symptoms?	1.3519	0.04195	233	172	40	21
1978	This do-it-yourself gastric band seems to be working for you. You've lost another 50 pounds.	1.3519	0.03969	233	167	50	16
1979	Worst case of coilitas I've seen	1.3519	0.04015	233	168	48	17
1980	How long have you had trouble breathing?	1.3518	0.03914	253	184	49	20
1981	There's a lot of it going around.	1.3518	0.03994	253	186	45	22
1982	So, how long have you been hearing this hissing sound?	1.3518	0.03833	253	182	53	18
1983	Our tests indicate that you may have picked up a parasite in the Amazon.	1.3518	0.03954	253	185	47	21
1984	And have you visited any tropical regions lately?	1.3518	0.03874	253	183	51	19
1985	I prescribed snake OIL, not snake COIL	1.3517	0.04285	236	177	35	24
1986	Don't worry, Bert is a professional at squeezing the kidney stones right out of you.	1.3517	0.04024	236	171	47	18
1987	The good news is that your chest pain isn’t casused by a heart attack.	1.3516	0.03772	219	151	59	9
1988	I think we know what’s causing your chest tightness. I’d just like to run a few tests.”	1.3516	0.03998	256	189	44	23
1989	It certainly accounts for your high blood pressure.	1.3516	0.03802	256	184	54	18
1990	Do you feel any tightness in your chest?	1.3515	0.03988	239	173	48	18
1991	Shortness of breath, tightness in the chest--I'm thinking heart attack.	1.3515	0.04075	239	175	44	20
1992	I know this is your first”Drag Queen” event, but that’s the wrong Boa!	1.3515	0.04075	239	175	44	20
1993	How long have you been hearing a rattle in your chest."	1.3514	0.03718	276	200	55	21
1994	'Good news. Tests show that you don't have a tapeworm.'	1.3514	0.03691	259	184	59	16
1995	And aside from some tightness in the chest?	1.3514	0.04002	222	158	50	14
1996	Would you say she's your main squeeze?	1.3514	0.03691	259	184	59	16
1997	So for how long has this man been bothering you?	1.3512	0.03996	242	176	47	19
1998	The good news is that you should feel some constriction for a few more minutes, but then you won't feel anything.	1.3512	0.04123	242	179	41	22
1999	We ran out of leeches.	1.3512	0.03996	242	176	47	19
2000	Do you have any other symptoms besides the tightness in your chest?	1.3512	0.03910	242	174	51	17
2001	There’s a lot of that going around.	1.3511	0.04161	225	164	43	18
2002	Shortness of breath??? Are you a smoker?	1.3509	0.03788	265	192	53	20
2003	It's quite slow moving, so come back in a month and we'll see how its progressed.	1.3509	0.03979	228	163	50	15
2004	Next time, get a dog.	1.3509	0.03979	228	163	50	15
2005	You feel a certain tightness in your chest, you say ...	1.3508	0.04010	248	182	45	21
2006	Since you're not feeling any pain, let's just wait and see if it goes away.	1.3506	0.04037	231	167	47	17
2007	Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm literally prescribing snake oil.	1.3506	0.04084	231	168	45	18
2008	Let's start with the good news. We tested for pancreatitis, and it came back negative.	1.3506	0.04037	231	167	47	17
2009	You're screwed.	1.3506	0.04175	231	170	41	20
2010	So how much Viagra did you take?	1.3506	0.04437	231	176	29	26
2011	I'm sorry but, your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing conditions.	1.3506	0.04015	251	185	44	22
2012	Well you know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.	1.3506	0.03727	251	178	58	15
2013	Constriction of the chest? Could be a number of things.	1.3506	0.03872	271	200	47	24
2014	I'm sorry to have to tell you, but this is indeed a "mortal coil".	1.3505	0.04260	214	156	41	17
2015	When did you start feeling short of breath?	1.3504	0.04046	234	170	46	18
2016	I have a hunch that a boa constrictor is the cause of your discomfort, but we'll have to run some expensive tests to be sure.	1.3504	0.03738	254	181	57	16
2017	I see you've met Caduceus, our new comfort animal. Do me a favor and don't exhale until I get an orderly in here	1.3504	0.03738	254	181	57	16
2018	Well, the good news is this time it's not an albatross around your neck	1.3504	0.03861	254	184	51	19
2019	There’s something going around.	1.3504	0.03861	254	184	51	19
2020	It says here you're complaining of shortness of breath?	1.3502	0.04141	237	175	41	21
2021	Has it lasted for more than four hours?	1.3502	0.03869	257	187	50	20
2022	On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your pain level right now?	1.3502	0.03829	257	186	52	19
2023	Good news-only one of you has a swallowing problem.	1.3502	0.03749	257	184	56	17
2024	Well, you consented to the use of unorthodox methods, and according to my clinical experience, this is guaranteed to help you quit smoking cigarettes...	1.3500	0.03840	240	171	54	15
2025	I wasn’t sure we could squeeze you in today but, well, you just seemed so wound up when you called...	1.3500	0.04018	240	175	46	19
2026	I'm going to put you on a constricted diet.	1.3500	0.03702	240	168	60	12
2027	Please just use the patient gown, Mr. Reynolds.	1.3498	0.03882	263	193	48	22
2028	Something's going around.	1.3498	0.03852	243	174	53	16
2029	Well, I think I know what's caused that tight feeling in your chest."	1.3498	0.03717	243	171	59	13
2030	Tell him to take two pills and not to coil you in the morning.	1.3498	0.04191	243	182	37	24
2031	You should have gone with the feather one.	1.3498	0.04067	243	179	43	21
2032	It’s been going around...and around....and..around.	1.3498	0.03896	243	175	51	17
2033	Tightness in your chest, can be a symptom of a more serious condition.	1.3496	0.03700	266	191	57	18
2034	This would be easier if you weren’t a member of PETA.	1.3496	0.03850	266	195	49	22
2035	It’s recommended that you remove the snake. That should make you feel better.	1.3496	0.03813	266	194	51	21
2036	I can see you've been under a lot of pressure, lately	1.3496	0.03738	266	192	55	19
2037	The good news is: it's not herpes. But I do recommend you go see a herpetologist.	1.3496	0.04153	246	184	38	24
2038	Relax. It's probably just something that ate you.	1.3496	0.03906	246	178	50	18
2039	So, can you describe your chest pains?	1.3496	0.03820	246	176	54	16
2040	Do you have any tightness in your chest?	1.3496	0.04145	226	165	43	18
2041	Says here you were running naked through the jungle, is that correct?	1.3496	0.04049	226	163	47	16
2042	Don't search online. It's almost never cancer.	1.3494	0.03746	269	195	54	20
2043	So you say you're feeling a little pressure?	1.3494	0.03955	249	182	47	20
2044	It says here that you've been complaining about some tightness in your chest, correct?	1.3494	0.03914	249	181	49	19
2045	We'll be more certain once the test results come in.	1.3494	0.04116	249	186	39	24
2046	Bad case of reptile malfunction.	1.3493	0.04153	229	168	42	19
2047	It may feel uncomfortable at first, but we're committed to this new natural way of taking blood pressure.	1.3493	0.04153	229	168	42	19
2048	So how long have you had this shortness of breath?	1.3493	0.04244	229	170	38	21
2049	It looks like we'll have to delay your colonoscopy.	1.3493	0.04244	229	170	38	21
2050	I strongly suggest you take precautions during mating season	1.3492	0.04041	252	187	42	23
2051	I recommend that you switch to a feather boa.	1.3492	0.03757	252	180	56	16
2052	Yeah, it's been going around a lot of people lately.	1.3492	0.03921	252	184	48	20
2053	It says here you are in a phobia treatment program.	1.3491	0.04023	232	168	47	17
2054	And then I want you to put on the gown so that it's open in the back.	1.3491	0.04114	232	170	43	19
2055	Ok, good news first. I think we know what is causing your sleep apnea.	1.3490	0.03726	255	182	57	16
2056	If you could just slip out of that I'll take a look.	1.3490	0.03513	255	177	67	11
2057	Take the diazepam tonight and the mongoose in the morning.	1.3489	0.03894	235	168	52	15
2058	This is the one case where snake oil will help	1.3489	0.03941	235	169	50	16
2059	And what’s the last thing you remember after you took the Ambien?	1.3489	0.04077	235	172	44	19
2060	I'm prescribing a mild sedative for your pet python's separation anxiety.	1.3488	0.03856	258	188	50	20
2061	I see here that you have a complaint of tightness in your chest?	1.3487	0.03860	238	170	53	15
2062	Any known allergy to mongooses, Mr. Williams?	1.3487	0.03996	238	173	47	18
2063	Any difficulty breathing?	1.3487	0.04083	238	175	43	20
2064	Sorry, your insurance only covers snake bites	1.3487	0.04254	238	179	35	24
2065	Well Mr Tiles I can do your procedure your still covered under Cobra	1.3487	0.03747	261	188	55	18
2066	Fortunately, your test results show that it is a python, not an anaconda.	1.3487	0.03786	261	189	53	19
2067	Constricted breath, difficulty exercising, sudden hissing. My diagnosis is asthma.	1.3487	0.03901	261	192	47	22
2068	pressure getting to you?	1.3487	0.03707	261	187	57	17
2069	Thanks for squeezing me in Doc.	1.3486	0.04350	218	162	36	20
2070	Yes, an inability to touch one's toes is of some concern, but I don't think you're seeing the entire picture, Mr. Smith.	1.3485	0.04004	241	176	46	19
2071	Well, yes, I did say to wear a compression garment after your liposuction......	1.3485	0.03872	241	173	52	16
2072	So everything's fine aside from that?	1.3485	0.03827	241	172	54	15
2073	I think it's time to consider a less restrictive weight loss program.	1.3484	0.03839	244	175	53	16
2074	Good thing it already ate.	1.3484	0.03926	244	177	49	18
2075	I'm thinking this concludes our little experiment with homeopathy.	1.3484	0.03969	244	178	47	19
2076	Other than the strep throat was there any other problem you wanted to discuss?	1.3483	0.03838	267	196	49	22
2077	Think of it as a comfort animal.	1.3482	0.03819	224	157	56	11
2078	I'm sorry Mr. Jones, your insurance wouldn't cover the back brace, so this was the best that we could do.	1.3480	0.04292	204	148	41	15
2079	When did you start feeling this tightness in your chest?	1.3480	0.04035	227	164	47	16
2080	And what brings you in here today, Mr. Smith?	1.3480	0.04035	227	164	47	16
2081	You say it came on right after you bit from the apple?	1.3480	0.03901	250	182	49	19
2082	I’m referring you to a great couples therapist I know.	1.3480	0.03942	250	183	47	20
2083	Do you want me to pull it off fast or slow?	1.3480	0.03632	273	196	59	18
2084	The generic snake oil works just as well.	1.3478	0.04183	230	170	40	20
2085	Symptoms include shortness of breath, overall joint pain and paranoia. Anything else?	1.3478	0.03908	253	185	48	20
2086	I recommend you take a couple days off, get away to someplace nice, and try to unwind.	1.3478	0.03998	230	166	48	16
2087	I did tell you there might be side effects...	1.3478	0.04228	230	171	38	21
2088	I'd follow her lead and just eat the apple next time, Adam.	1.3478	0.03908	253	185	48	20
2089	I’ll need him to turn his head and slough.	1.3478	0.03998	230	166	48	16
2090	Well, I don’t think it’s ringworm	1.3477	0.03505	279	198	65	16
2091	That’s OK. We can take your pulse at your ankle.	1.3477	0.03714	256	183	57	16
2092	So, for 'emergency contact' - your wife or your main squeeze?	1.3476	0.03962	233	168	49	16
2093	After looking at your MRI, I think we’ve finally identified what’s causing that tightness in your chest.	1.3476	0.04054	233	170	45	18
2094	Yeah. I've been up for 72 hours. Just tell me your problem.	1.3476	0.04008	233	169	47	17
2095	This feeling of being suffocated might not just be in your head.	1.3476	0.04189	233	173	39	21
2096	I'm glad you stopped smoking, but I still hear a little rattle in your chest	1.3476	0.03962	233	168	49	16
2097	Sorry Howard, since Trump took office millions of swamp creatures have been coming out of hiding and heading for DC.	1.3476	0.03962	233	168	49	16
2098	So, you’re having difficulty swallowing...	1.3475	0.03882	259	190	48	21
2099	In time, you'll forget you even have a gastric band.	1.3475	0.03972	236	171	48	17
2100	When did you notice breathing difficulties?	1.3473	0.03851	262	192	49	21
2101	And then Eve just dropped the apple and ran.	1.3473	0.03926	262	194	45	23
2102	Take a deep breath for me	1.3473	0.04112	239	177	41	21
2103	We're going to need to run some tests.	1.3473	0.03982	239	174	47	18
2104	Unfortunately, this will not stay in Vegas.	1.3473	0.04361	239	183	29	27
2105	Shortness of breath and wheezing. Okay, I'm gonna run some tests.	1.3471	0.04158	242	181	38	23
2106	This prescription for your reptile dysfunction might lead to muscle ache. Are you okay with that?	1.3471	0.03947	242	176	48	18
2107	I have a better solution for your constipation	1.3471	0.04033	242	178	44	20
2108	I'm sorry sir, but the side effects were clearly stated in the television commercial.	1.3471	0.03990	242	177	46	19
2109	Henry, when my nurse asked you to bring in your cobra details, I don’t think she had this in mind!	1.3468	0.03943	222	158	51	13
2110	I wish I could help you but this is a pre-existing condition.	1.3468	0.03891	222	157	53	12
2111	I’m sorry, but without a referral from the vet...	1.3468	0.03879	248	180	50	18
2112	It seems you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately.	1.3468	0.03707	248	176	58	14
2113	I’m putting you on a constricted diet.	1.3468	0.03618	248	174	62	12
2114	Good news, Mr Jones...all the tests came back negative."	1.3468	0.03837	248	179	52	17
2115	How do you spell Eve?	1.3467	0.03730	274	200	53	21
2116	It's not your colon.	1.3467	0.03766	274	201	51	22
2117	Springtime in the everglades, my busiest time of the year.	1.3467	0.03958	225	161	50	14
2118	The good news is we can remove the mole on your cheek!	1.3467	0.03958	225	161	50	14
2119	Contact in case of emergency?	1.3466	0.04048	251	187	41	23
2120	So you weren't lying when you told me about your 'ereptile' dysfunction.	1.3466	0.03847	251	182	51	18
2121	So tell me, when did you first notice the constriction"	1.3466	0.03720	251	179	57	15
2122	So you had no idea your emotional support animal was afraid of flying?	1.3466	0.04048	251	187	41	23
2123	Now, I've got to ask this : have you been travelling ?	1.3465	0.03922	228	163	51	14
2124	Good news - you're not dying from cancer!	1.3465	0.04115	228	167	43	18
2125	Sir, I believe the nurse asked you to put on the gown.	1.3465	0.03895	254	186	48	20
2126	Not as charming as you thought, ey?	1.3465	0.03774	254	183	54	17
2127	How soon after you ate the apple did the pain occur?	1.3463	0.04030	231	168	46	17
2128	So Monte, when did you first notice the python?	1.3463	0.04077	231	169	44	18
2129	I have concluded your shortage of breath is not caused by any internal problem.	1.3463	0.03619	257	182	61	14
2130	How long have you been together?	1.3463	0.03702	257	184	57	16
2131	So you say you are feeling some tightness in your chest?	1.3462	0.04129	234	173	41	20
2132	Let's have you try the extended release capsule.	1.3462	0.03757	234	165	57	12
2133	Well sir, I have some crushing news.	1.3462	0.03901	234	168	51	15
2134	And also on a scale of 1 to 10, how difficult would you say it is to breathe?	1.3462	0.03831	260	190	50	20
2135	Looks like your coverage is good.	1.3460	0.03658	289	212	54	23
2136	Your penile enlargement procedure with snake stem cells went extremely well, now we just have to do little trimming	1.3460	0.04178	237	177	38	22
2137	Where does it hurt?	1.3460	0.03958	237	172	48	17
2138	First of all, don't exhale.	1.3460	0.03867	237	170	52	15
2139	It’s gonna take some time to unravel what’s bothering you.	1.3460	0.03958	237	172	48	17
2140	I think I've identified your respiratory problem.	1.3460	0.03913	237	171	50	16
2141	We can deal with the constrictions but those pale white legs are worrying me.	1.3460	0.03958	237	172	48	17
2142	I need you to stand up, touch your toes and cough.	1.3460	0.04047	237	174	44	19
2143	The good news is I've isolated the cause of your constricted breathing.	1.3460	0.03913	237	171	50	16
2144	You might want to consider getting a different type of therapy animal.	1.3459	0.03881	266	197	46	23
2145	So, trouble breathing, a tightness in your chest and abdomen. Anything else?	1.3458	0.03968	240	175	47	18
2146	Take two of these at bedtime, and try not to look delicious.	1.3458	0.03986	214	152	50	12
2147	First of all, we need to remove that mouse tattoo from your chest.	1.3457	0.03814	269	198	49	22
2148	Your insurance no longer covers emotional support reptiles.	1.3457	0.03890	243	176	50	17
2149	So its a yes to “been to places where large snakes are common”.	1.3456	0.04002	217	155	49	13
2150	I am prescribing myself an anti-psychotic as I appear to be having an hallucination.	1.3455	0.03856	246	178	51	17
2151	I've only seen one previous case and it didn't end well.	1.3455	0.03725	246	175	57	14
2152	And what might be the problem today?	1.3455	0.03769	246	176	55	15
2153	Besides this, how was your Costa Rica ziplining experience?	1.3455	0.03941	246	180	47	19
2154	"Have you recently traveled abroad?	1.3455	0.04169	220	161	42	17
2155	Good news. The snake is not venomous.	1.3455	0.03912	220	156	52	12
2156	Do you have a family history of constriction?"	1.3455	0.03646	275	199	57	19
2157	On the bright side, it’s not poisonous,	1.3454	0.03738	249	178	56	15
2158	Relax, we wait until he realizes you’re too big to swallow	1.3454	0.03781	249	179	54	16
2159	Any tightness around your chest area?	1.3454	0.03866	249	181	50	18
2160	What concerns me is that it didn't show up on your last colonoscopy	1.3453	0.04226	223	165	39	19
2161	Sure I've seen this before. Just not with that kind of snake.	1.3453	0.03929	223	159	51	13
2162	And when did you first notice the feeling of constriction?	1.3452	0.03915	252	185	47	20
2163	Either of you allergic to muscle relaxers?	1.3452	0.03750	252	181	55	16
2164	Yes, tightness in the chest...what other symptoms?	1.3451	0.04090	226	165	44	17
2165	So how have your bowel movements been?	1.3451	0.03882	255	187	48	20
2166	To be on the safe side, I'm ordering an angiogram—a tightness in the chest can never be ignored.	1.3450	0.04192	229	170	39	20
2167	Are you sure this was consensual?	1.3450	0.03771	258	187	53	18
2168	When did she develop this crush on you?	1.3450	0.03771	258	187	53	18
2169	Breathe normally	1.3449	0.03608	287	209	57	21
2170	I’ll have to order some tests, of course, but I think you may be being strangled by a python.	1.3448	0.03857	261	192	48	21
2171	I’ll prescribe a lotion for that scaly skin. Any other changes since your last visit?	1.3448	0.03857	261	192	48	21
2172	Keep it wrapped two more days.	1.3448	0.03780	261	190	52	19
2173	I don't want you to be rattled.	1.3448	0.03857	261	192	48	21
2174	Of course we’ll have to do some tests, but I have an idea what the problem might be	1.3447	0.03979	235	171	47	17
2175	We're waiting for a second opinion from your vet.	1.3445	0.03760	238	169	56	13
2176	Any family history of poisonous snakes wrapped around the torso?	1.3445	0.04479	209	157	32	20
2177	Snake oil is snake oil, whether you buy it bottled or harvest it yourself.	1.3444	0.03802	270	199	49	22
2178	Bob, you've just got to learn to unwind.	1.3444	0.03578	270	193	61	16
2179	Would you mind filling out a short survey about your visit today?	1.3444	0.03910	241	175	49	17
2180	First, a few questions. What seems to be your problem?	1.3444	0.04040	241	178	43	20
2181	Have you been on a plane recently?	1.3444	0.04083	241	179	41	21
2182	I can't confirm what's causing your shortness of breath until I get the MRI results.	1.3443	0.03772	273	201	50	22
2183	The good news is that your trouble breathing is not asthma.	1.3443	0.03788	244	175	54	15
2184	The prognosis gives you another three minutes.	1.3443	0.03919	244	178	48	18
2185	Your insurance won’t cover removal. The South American boa constrictor is out of network.	1.3443	0.04046	244	181	42	21
2186	I see why you would think that, but we will need to see the test results in a few days.	1.3442	0.03671	276	201	55	20
2187	Snake oil, but your insurance won't cover it.	1.3442	0.04131	215	156	44	15
2188	Believe it or not, I'm going to write you a script for snake oil.	1.3442	0.04184	215	157	42	16
2189	It's cheaper just to let nature take it's course.	1.3441	0.03800	247	178	53	16
2190	On the plus side, your cholesterol is down.	1.3441	0.03679	279	204	54	21
2191	Yes I did remove an unwanted mole for your brother, but I think you may have misunderstood	1.3440	0.04092	218	158	45	15
2192	On a scale of 1-10 how hard is he squeezing?	1.3440	0.03811	250	181	52	17
2193	I'm going to need to run some tests...	1.3439	0.04347	221	166	34	21
2194	Can you point to where you're feeling the pressure?	1.3439	0.03738	253	182	55	16
2195	The good news is the x-rays show he's eaten recently, so come back in about a week and we'll take another look.	1.3439	0.03821	253	184	51	18
2196	It's not the coil I meant for birth control but who am I to argue with what works.	1.3439	0.03862	253	185	49	19
2197	Do you have any constrictions I should know about?	1.3438	0.03914	224	160	51	13
2198	This delusion you say you have about snakes. Can you elaborate?	1.3438	0.04114	224	164	43	17
2199	You say he's not eating?	1.3438	0.04065	224	163	45	16
2200	Just be happy you didn't have to see the proctologist for this.	1.3438	0.03870	256	188	48	20
2201	Can you sign this release form?	1.3436	0.03838	259	190	49	20
2202	Are you having any other breathing problems	1.3436	0.04262	227	170	36	21
2203	Tylenol 3s for you, and a wart hog for your friend.	1.3435	0.03689	262	189	56	17
2204	No exceptions. I need the insurance card first.	1.3435	0.03768	262	191	52	19
2205	I understand you feel some tightness.	1.3435	0.03650	262	188	58	16
2206	My advice? That you forget about Fifi and let pythons be pythons.	1.3435	0.03768	262	191	52	19
2207	We are all wrapped up here, just go home and unwind.	1.3435	0.03768	262	191	52	19
2208	Your pressure and heart rate seem elevated. Is anything causing you stress?	1.3435	0.04084	230	169	43	18
2209	The good news is your erectile dysfunction has resolved itself.	1.3435	0.04311	230	174	33	23
2210	Unfortunately, according to your policy, this falls under pre-existing condition	1.3435	0.03894	230	165	51	14
2211	Will your friend also be getting the flu shot today?	1.3435	0.04038	230	168	45	17
2212	Switch to a feather version and your chest pain should clear right up.	1.3435	0.03990	230	167	47	16
2213	What goes around, comes around.	1.3435	0.04131	230	170	41	19
2214	Lets see what the lab and x-rays show.	1.3434	0.03961	265	199	41	25
2215	These attachment disorders can be tricky.	1.3433	0.03763	233	165	56	12
2216	I'm going to give you a subscription for a small deer.	1.3433	0.04182	233	174	38	21
2217	Okay, I will note in the chart you have 'killer abs'.	1.3432	0.03919	236	171	49	16
2218	It's the original pre-existing condition.	1.3432	0.03753	271	199	51	21
2219	And we’ll get you some lotion for those scales.	1.3431	0.03652	239	168	60	11
2220	They’re just having some fun with you at the gastroenterology clinic. This isn’t the colonoscopy snake.	1.3431	0.03840	239	172	52	15
2221	You might experience some tightness when swallowing.	1.3431	0.03840	239	172	52	15
2222	We may have to perform a Coilonoscopy.	1.3431	0.04019	239	176	44	19
2223	So for the first two weeks you just assumed it was your mother?	1.3430	0.04026	242	179	43	20
2224	And when did the tightness begin?	1.3430	0.03940	242	177	47	18
2225	Let's see, yup... you're covered for the removal, but not for the disposal.	1.3429	0.03775	245	176	54	15
2226	My diagnosis , " you are a riddle , inside an enigma , wrapped in a python ".	1.3429	0.03597	280	203	58	19
2227	Stop wearing the Boa . It’s much too constricting .	1.3429	0.04197	210	153	42	15
2228	Come back and see me in two weeks if things don’t loosen up	1.3429	0.03451	245	169	68	8
2229	It's the new treatment for constipation...	1.3429	0.03991	245	181	44	20
2230	Take two vermin and see me in a week.	1.3427	0.03830	248	180	51	17
2231	Is it a choking sensation or just a tightness in the chest?	1.3427	0.03915	248	182	47	19
2232	You’re suffering from constrictive heart failure	1.3427	0.03787	248	179	53	16
2233	Have you traveled abroad lately?	1.3427	0.04038	248	185	41	22
2234	Give him three mice daily and pray that he molts you soon.	1.3426	0.03881	251	184	48	19
2235	Bella, I told you not to hug the patients without their consent!	1.3426	0.03922	251	185	46	20
2236	On the other hand, a squeezing feeling in the chest is often the first symptom of a heart attack.	1.3425	0.03889	254	187	47	20
2237	All of your test results are finally back and I think I have pinpointed the cause of your tightness of the chest.	1.3425	0.03889	254	187	47	20
2238	It DOES appear to be a snake, alright. The Herpetologist can see you next Thursday...	1.3425	0.03929	254	188	45	21
2239	This is why Lady Gaga went with the meat dress.	1.3424	0.03896	257	190	46	21
2240	And you say it only hurts when you breathe?"	1.3424	0.03817	257	188	50	19
2241	I'm prescribing a muscle relaxant.	1.3424	0.03737	257	186	54	17
2242	Have you recently traveled to any tropical countries?	1.3424	0.03777	257	187	52	18
2243	and...have you traveled to any foreign countries lately?	1.3424	0.03777	257	187	52	18
2244	I’m going to write you a prescription for flute lessons.	1.3424	0.03777	257	187	52	18
2245	What about shortness of breath?	1.3423	0.03786	260	190	51	19
2246	Lots of men recoil before the prostate exam.	1.3423	0.03940	260	194	43	23
2247	You’re sure? No feeling of tightness in your chest?	1.3422	0.03900	225	161	51	13
2248	Seems like you're under a lot of pressure. Just take some time off to unwind.	1.3422	0.03557	263	187	62	14
2249	Let me guess. You’re boarding a plane soon, you can’t get the snake off you, so you want a prescription for an emotional-support animal.	1.3422	0.03870	263	195	46	22
2250	There’s nothing wrong with you medically. If it bites you, be sure to come right back.	1.3421	0.04200	228	170	38	20
2251	If we aren’t seeing results by next month another option could be the lap-band.	1.3421	0.03964	228	165	48	15
2252	Have you two always been this tight?	1.3421	0.03726	266	194	53	19
2253	I'm not sure if it's a boa or a python. I'm going to go ahead and send you to a herpetologist.	1.3420	0.04161	231	172	39	20
2254	Your blood pressure isn’t where I’d like it to be.	1.3420	0.03976	231	168	47	16
2255	You’ll need to see if your insurance covers the mongoose.	1.3420	0.03831	231	165	53	13
2256	And I'm giving you some time off so you can unwind a bit	1.3420	0.03880	231	166	51	14
2257	I see he’s your main squeeze. Any other partners?	1.3420	0.03880	231	166	51	14
2258	This is actually one of the oldest constipation remedies on the books.	1.3419	0.04122	234	174	40	20
2259	Yes, this is fairly common from an emotional support animal.	1.3419	0.03987	234	171	46	17
2260	And how is Eve doing? I haven't seen her in a while.	1.3419	0.03893	234	169	50	15
2261	Never thought I’d be prescribing snake oil!	1.3419	0.03987	234	171	46	17
2262	The good news is that it's not asthma or COPD.	1.3418	0.03718	237	168	57	12
2263	One side effect is you wind up looking like a poop emoji with legs	1.3418	0.03996	237	174	45	18
2264	Abdominal pain, shortness of breath. I have a couple of theories.	1.3418	0.03996	237	174	45	18
2265	Ordinarily, a tapeworm is diagnosed well before this stage.	1.3418	0.03860	237	171	51	15
2266	We'll skip the 'turn your head and cough' thing this year, OK?	1.3418	0.03906	237	172	49	16
2267	I'm not sure you're covered.	1.3418	0.03718	237	168	57	12
2268	Other then "constricted breathing" have you experienced any other symptoms?	1.3417	0.03781	240	172	54	14
2269	So you say you're having some tightness in the chest?	1.3417	0.03826	240	173	52	15
2270	A couple of mice a day and your constriction should go away	1.3417	0.03640	240	169	60	11
2271	You say you're being terminated. Have you considered getting COBRA?	1.3417	0.04091	240	179	40	21
2272	Sorry, but I still have to rule out a prostate problem.	1.3416	0.03883	243	177	49	17
2273	Tightness of the chest, neck, back, and arms as well as fatigue and anxiety... classic symptoms of a heart attack.	1.3416	0.03749	243	174	55	14
2274	If it was a snake it would have bit you	1.3416	0.04096	243	182	39	22
2275	It appears you caught this on your recent trip to the Amazon rain forest	1.3416	0.03969	243	179	45	19
2276	Insurance makes us fill these out. Question 1: What are your symptoms?	1.3416	0.03883	243	177	49	17
2277	So you’re from Florida?	1.3416	0.03926	243	178	47	18
2278	So, would you say the new therapy boa is alleviating or exacerbating your anxiety?	1.3415	0.03850	246	179	50	17
2279	Heart rate and cholesterol levels are fine. Any tension at home or on the job that might be causing this pressure?	1.3415	0.03850	246	179	50	17
2280	I took an oath, Mr. Curran: First, do no charm.	1.3414	0.03901	249	183	47	19
2281	I'm putting you on adderall	1.3414	0.03983	249	185	43	21
2282	I can give him some Valium for now, but he really needs anger management.	1.3414	0.03817	249	181	51	17
2283	Oh, it's a surprisingly common mistake, but I'm a HEPatologist not a HERPetologist	1.3414	0.03731	249	179	55	15
2284	I’m going to try you on snake oil.	1.3413	0.03949	252	187	44	21
2285	So your tests are back and I think we know what's causing the elevated blood pressure.	1.3413	0.03526	252	177	64	11
2286	Give her a muscle relaxer twice a day and maybe she won't be so clingy.	1.3413	0.03786	252	183	52	17
2287	Your blood pressure's a little high, but otherwise, I see no problem.	1.3413	0.03827	252	184	50	18
2288	Yes, you can keep the python on in the shower.	1.3412	0.04234	211	155	40	16
2289	You should have specified a "feather" boa.	1.3412	0.03672	255	183	57	15
2290	Everyone will feel better if you'd just learn to unwind.	1.3412	0.03755	255	185	53	17
2291	Whatever you googled i’m telling you it’s a sore throat.	1.3410	0.04151	217	159	42	16
2292	As your veterinarian I wouldn't worry about your python. When you leave here I suggest you visit your doctor ASAP.	1.3410	0.03851	261	193	47	21
2293	So if I understand you correctly, you were wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt?	1.3409	0.03627	264	190	58	16
2294	I don't think your insurance covers this.	1.3409	0.03782	264	194	50	20
2295	Everything looks fine physically, but you appear to have attachment issues with your pet.	1.3409	0.04111	220	161	43	16
2296	This procedure will empty your bowel in no time and reduce your waist size by up to 5 inches.	1.3408	0.03676	267	194	55	18
2297	My prescription is to to have a rat tossed in front of him. Then run like like hell the other way>	1.3408	0.03863	267	199	45	23
2298	The x-rays do show some minor constriction.	1.3407	0.03494	270	192	64	14
2299	I'm prescribing you Adderrall.	1.3407	0.03832	270	201	46	23
2300	Emergency Contact?	1.3407	0.03885	226	162	51	13
2301	How long have you had this numbness in your feet?	1.3407	0.03834	226	161	53	12
2302	I’m very sorry, sir, but your insurance company doesn’t consider the removal medically necessary.	1.3406	0.03949	229	166	48	15
2303	Your relationship with the snake ... symbiotic or adversarial?	1.3406	0.03737	276	204	50	22
2304	Tightening in the chest, huh? OK, take off your snake and we'll have a look.	1.3405	0.04054	232	171	43	18
2305	Wheezing, chest pressure, anxiety. I’m going with the most obvious: asthma.	1.3405	0.04322	232	177	31	24
2306	Please state your reason for visiting the office today."	1.3405	0.03961	232	169	47	16
2307	Well, we'll need some snake oil to get you out of this.	1.3404	0.03832	235	169	52	14
2308	I’m sorry, but without his consent my hands are tied.	1.3404	0.03926	235	171	48	16
2309	Don’t worry, you’ll shed it in 3-5 days.	1.3404	0.03972	235	172	46	17
2310	Yes, I can certainly certify him as a comfort cobra.	1.3404	0.04063	235	174	42	19
2311	Yes it's somewhat rare, but it is listed by the manufacturer as a possible side effect."	1.3404	0.03576	282	205	58	19
2312	When did you start having trouble breathing?	1.3404	0.03880	235	170	50	15
2313	So you would say your breathing feels constricted?	1.3403	0.03705	238	169	57	12
2314	I see your weight shot up 30 pounds since your last check up. Has something changed in your daily routine, Mr. Humphries?	1.3403	0.04026	238	176	43	19
2315	I think I can remove it. If not, I’ll waive the co-pay.	1.3403	0.03800	238	171	53	14
2316	It's all fun and games Adam, until someone gets hurt	1.3402	0.04076	241	180	40	21
2317	Mr. Moskowitz , we’ll slide you right out when it’s finished digesting Mrs. Moskowitz.	1.3402	0.04076	241	180	40	21
2318	Well, new pets do tend, as a rule, to be a bit clingy.	1.3402	0.03768	241	173	54	14
2319	I said to RESTRICT your diet.	1.3402	0.03768	241	173	54	14
2320	You were only supposed to use the oil.	1.3402	0.03869	244	178	49	17
2321	Vitals are good. Any trouble swallowing?	1.3402	0.03736	244	175	55	14
2322	So chest tightness.... anything else!	1.3401	0.03836	247	180	50	17
2323	okay....so other than the tightness in your chest....	1.3401	0.03793	247	179	52	16
2324	It's what's going around these days.	1.3401	0.03793	247	179	52	16
2325	The good news is, we found out what's causing your sore throat	1.3400	0.03719	250	180	55	15
2326	You know, they can make these with feathers.	1.3400	0.03888	250	184	47	19
2327	So when did you first start noticing this?	1.3399	0.03773	253	184	52	17
2328	Tightness in chest... do you smoke?	1.3399	0.03976	253	189	42	22
2329	I'm sorry, but the emotional support python may be exacerbating your hypertension.	1.3399	0.03773	253	184	52	17
2330	Besides 'difficulty in breathing,' do you have any other complaints?	1.3399	0.03773	253	184	52	17
2331	Yes, I realize that I recommended compression.	1.3399	0.03646	253	181	58	14
2332	I recommend you see a herpetologist.	1.3398	0.03660	256	184	57	15
2333	Pressure in your chest and difficulty breathing? It's probably nothing, but I'll order an EKG.	1.3398	0.03701	256	185	55	16
2334	Easy mistake...although I'm surprised you didn't notice the lack of feathers.	1.3398	0.04022	259	196	38	25
2335	So, Mr. Anders, what brings you to my office today?	1.3398	0.03870	259	192	46	21
2336	Listen, I know I'm only. medical student, but I think I know what's causing your chest pain.	1.3398	0.03672	259	187	56	16
2337	And when did you first experience shortness of breath?	1.3398	0.03631	259	186	58	15
2338	Any symptoms other than tightness of the chest?	1.3397	0.04205	209	153	41	15
2339	There is no reason to be concerned. Shedding its skin is normal.	1.3397	0.03800	262	193	49	20
2340	So you say you’ve been feeling constricted. And about how long does that feeling usually last?	1.3396	0.03814	268	199	47	22
2341	The x-ray shows a slight bowel constriction.	1.3394	0.04135	218	160	42	16
2342	Sir, your comfort snake is really just trying to eat you.	1.3394	0.04083	218	159	44	15
2343	We’ve found that squeezing every last penny out of you is more palatable than affixing leeches to suck you dry.	1.3394	0.04145	221	163	41	17
2344	Let's get you down to radiology for a second opinion.	1.3393	0.04007	224	163	46	15
2345	I assume you brought someone to drive you home.	1.3393	0.03854	224	160	52	12
2346	Tightness in the chest... feelings of impending doom... I’ll have to run a few tests first, but, yes, it could be cardiac in nature.	1.3393	0.04057	224	164	44	16
2347	Think that’s bad? You should see the old lady who swallowed the fly.	1.3393	0.04057	224	164	44	16
2348	Any chest pains? Palpitations? Shortness of breath?	1.3392	0.03921	227	164	49	14
2349	As Morty’s veterinarian, I can tell you that everything looks totally normal.	1.3391	0.04169	230	172	38	20
2350	Looks like your cortisol levels are a little high.	1.3391	0.04214	230	173	36	21
2351	I think that your erectile dysnfuntion might be a synptom of a much larger problem.	1.3391	0.03983	230	168	46	16
2352	You'll need to see a sssspecialist.	1.3391	0.03837	230	165	52	13
2353	So, the nurse tells me you're experiencing a tightness in your chest.	1.3391	0.04040	233	172	43	18
2354	When his skin starts to shed, give him these pills twice a day.	1.3391	0.03900	233	169	49	15
2355	You describe a "squeezing sensation" in your chest area. I'm ordering a full cardiac work-up.	1.3391	0.04130	233	174	39	20
2356	When did you first notice the hissing sound in your left ear?	1.3390	0.03912	236	172	48	16
2357	You say you're feeling constipated?	1.3389	0.03923	239	175	47	17
2358	Take two hampsters every four hours and call me in the morning.	1.3389	0.04012	239	177	43	19
2359	How long have you been hearing this strange hissing sound?	1.3389	0.03968	239	176	45	18
2360	Don't worry, it's not venomous.	1.3389	0.03786	239	172	53	14
2361	If you'll take off your snake, we can get on with the exam.	1.3389	0.03968	239	176	45	18
2362	I think I can help you, but I'm afraid your friend has already been digested.	1.3389	0.03878	239	174	49	16
2363	Believe me, even with this prescription, the airlines are not going to let you board.	1.3389	0.04098	239	179	39	21
2364	A lot of that going around.	1.3388	0.03933	242	178	46	18
2365	When exactly did you start to notice a tightness in the chest?	1.3388	0.03889	242	177	48	17
2366	Now I can prescribe you meds but I think this is more of a lifestyle change.	1.3388	0.03800	242	175	52	15
2367	Apply the oil twice a day, and yes, it's really called that.	1.3388	0.03889	242	177	48	17
2368	Mr. Jones, I'm a hematologist, and what you really need to see is a herpetologist."	1.3388	0.03709	242	173	56	13
2369	Well, your blood pressure seems OK; now if you hop down, I'll have him take your temperature.	1.3388	0.04189	245	187	33	25
2370	So, Adam, how have things been since the divorce?	1.3387	0.03866	248	182	48	18
2371	I know you're on a diet, but your asp keeps getting bigger.	1.3387	0.04229	248	191	30	27
2372	Its messy. There's Eve, God and the whole HMO thing	1.3387	0.03823	248	181	50	17
2373	Tightness of chest is a common symptom of boa constriction.	1.3387	0.03908	248	183	46	19
2374	Well that just about wraps it up.	1.3387	0.03866	248	182	48	18
2375	When you wrote down that you were in a toxic relationship, I just thought....	1.3387	0.03649	248	177	58	13
2376	We no longer recommend an apple a day.	1.3386	0.03833	251	184	49	18
2377	Swallow one mouse and call me in the morning.	1.3386	0.03843	254	187	48	19
2378	Any recent changes in your health?	1.3386	0.03843	254	187	48	19
2379	Any tightness in your chest or difficulty breathing"	1.3385	0.03851	257	190	47	20
2380	I don't often get the chance to prescribe a snake repellent, but here goes.	1.3385	0.03619	260	187	58	15
2381	So Adam how's Eve been	1.3385	0.03780	260	191	50	19
2382	Obviously with this condition you'll want to avoid driving or operating heavy machinery...	1.3385	0.03660	260	188	56	16
2383	We’ve been seeing this going around a lot lately.	1.3383	0.03643	266	193	56	17
2384	Either let go of the human or we are going to shoot you full of muscle relaxer. Your choice.	1.3383	0.03653	269	196	55	18
2385	Okay, but I'm not prescribing you any more emotional support rabbits.	1.3381	0.04296	210	156	37	17
2386	-and then you took a bite of an apple. And then, Adam, what happened next?	1.3381	0.04078	210	152	45	13
2387	How did this happen, last time I saw you were completely wrapped up in yourself.	1.3381	0.03509	281	203	61	17
2388	Let's see if we can figure out this hissing noise keeping you up all night	1.3380	0.03984	213	153	48	12
2389	The good news is your ECG is fine. That's not what's causing the tightness in your chest	1.3380	0.04253	213	158	38	17
2390	The mice don’t seem to be working. I’m prescribing weasels.	1.3380	0.03692	284	211	50	23
2391	...or is it: “FEED a cold, and STARVE a snake...?”	1.3380	0.04093	213	155	44	14
2392	And when did you get into Monty Python?	1.3380	0.04355	213	160	34	19
2393	Do you feel any tightness in the chest area?	1.3380	0.03836	216	153	53	10
2394	Let's start with some blood thinners and a bunch of mice.	1.3379	0.03963	219	158	48	13
2395	Anything in particular making you tense?	1.3378	0.03979	222	161	47	14
2396	Sorry, but this is considered a pre existing condition.	1.3378	0.04139	225	167	40	18
2397	I think I know what’s causing the shortness of breath, but I want to get an X-ray.	1.3378	0.04139	225	167	40	18
2398	There are better ways to clear a frog from your throat	1.3378	0.04090	225	166	42	17
2399	I think you need to unwind a little...	1.3377	0.03598	228	159	61	8
2400	So, what seems to be your problem?	1.3377	0.03872	231	167	50	14
2401	Cramps, perspiration, heaviness of breath...so basically the same side effects as your last medication?	1.3377	0.04108	231	172	40	19
2402	OK chest pressure, difficulty breathing and numbness in arms and legs. When did you first notice these symptoms?"	1.3377	0.03968	231	169	46	16
2403	If by long term, you’re including lunch— No, I don’t think I’d be planning that far ahead.	1.3376	0.03944	237	174	46	17
2404	This is why we don’ t recommend “home remedy” colonoscopy.	1.3376	0.04033	237	176	42	19
2405	No, no, in my professional opinion I’d say what you’re experiencing is definitely a “boa constrictor”, not a bowel constriction.	1.3376	0.03989	237	175	44	18
2406	I think the bigger concern here are your cholesterol levels.	1.3376	0.03805	237	171	52	14
2407	Give it two mice a day and call me in the morning.	1.3376	0.03944	237	174	46	17
2408	So how long has your python had this separation anxiety disorder?	1.3375	0.03954	240	177	45	18
2409	I can tell you right now that your blood pressure is too high.	1.3375	0.03998	240	178	43	19
2410	Look on the bright side - it's much cheaper than the gastric bypass, the copay is just a few rats.	1.3375	0.03864	240	175	49	16
2411	Well, at least you're not wrapped up in yourself anymore.	1.3374	0.04005	243	181	42	20
2412	Pythons are the #1 Doctor Recommended emotional support animal thanks to their incomparable hugs.	1.3374	0.03919	243	179	46	18
2413	I’m confused. You went to a vet first and you consider me a second opinion?	1.3374	0.03799	246	179	51	16
2414	I guess I shouldn't ask you to step on the scales.	1.3374	0.03620	246	175	59	12
2415	So shortness of breath is your chief complaint?	1.3374	0.03886	246	181	47	18
2416	Monty Python?	1.3374	0.03843	246	180	49	17
2417	On a negative note, you have Stage 4 herpatitis.	1.3373	0.03895	249	184	46	19
2418	I can squeeze you in for a follow up tomorrow.	1.3373	0.03768	249	181	52	16
2419	So, troubles breathing huh?	1.3373	0.03853	249	183	48	18
2420	You'll have to sign this before we can proceed.	1.3373	0.04017	249	187	40	22
2421	Sit here for a few minutes and unwind.	1.3373	0.03707	255	185	54	16
2422	Your boa is in surprisingly good shape for not having eaten in a month.	1.3373	0.03665	255	184	56	15
2423	I take it the snake oil isn't helping?	1.3373	0.03665	255	184	56	15
2424	The surgeon who specializes in python removal can squeeze you in next Thursday.	1.3372	0.03422	258	181	67	10
2425	Yeah, I've seen this before. It's a biblical thing.	1.3372	0.03798	258	190	49	19
2426	Just out of curiosity, how long have you had that lisp?	1.3372	0.03798	258	190	49	19
2427	Maybe you should try a turtleneck.	1.3372	0.03921	261	196	42	23
2428	So, aside from that, how was your trip up the Amazon?	1.3372	0.03648	261	189	56	16
2429	I'm sorry ,Boas and Anacodas are covered, but your plan has a rider on Pythons.	1.3371	0.03620	264	191	57	16
2430	So tell me...are you sexually active?	1.3371	0.03889	264	198	43	23
2431	I've got some good news and bad news for you. First the good news. You don't have intestinal parasites	1.3371	0.03540	264	189	61	14
2432	There's nothing in the lab results to explain your shortness of breath.	1.3369	0.03703	279	207	50	22
2433	Unfortunately, your policy only covers Burmese pythons - try southeast Asia next summer instead of Florida.	1.3364	0.04183	214	158	40	16
2434	How severe is your pain on a scale of 1 to 2,500?	1.3364	0.03985	217	157	47	13
2435	I need to know if you bit the apple	1.3364	0.04252	220	165	36	19
2436	I'm optimistic. Last week you said 'oh, gee, it's up to my knee,' and I'm not hearing any knee complaints today.	1.3364	0.04052	220	161	44	15
2437	You Need Cobra not Python Insurance	1.3364	0.04252	220	165	36	19
2438	Annnnnd, what seems to be the problem?	1.3363	0.03964	223	162	47	14
2439	Take a couple of these every night, John: they'll help you unwind...	1.3363	0.04258	223	168	35	20
2440	Your blood pressure is off the charts.	1.3363	0.03860	223	160	51	12
2441	I am afraid I cannot find a billing code for this issue. Sorry, but you will have to pay for this visit out of pocket.	1.3363	0.04211	223	167	37	19
2442	And you say this was a Valentines day gift from your wife?	1.3362	0.04047	232	172	42	18
2443	Are you feeling a tightness in your chest?	1.3362	0.03858	232	168	50	14
2444	So, this says you’ve been experiencing shortness of breath...	1.3362	0.03777	235	169	53	13
2445	...and how long have you been feeling constricted?	1.3362	0.03965	235	173	45	17
2446	So when did you start having chest pain?	1.3362	0.03965	235	173	45	17
2447	Sorry, sir, I was talking to the python. He seems to have better coverage.	1.3361	0.03697	238	170	56	12
2448	I suggested you go on a restrictive diet, not a constrictor diet.	1.3361	0.03930	238	175	46	17
2449	Yes, there is a reason that you can’t raise your arms.	1.3361	0.03745	238	171	54	13
2450	Honestly Bill, aren't you getting a little too defensive about having your prostate examined?	1.3361	0.03930	238	175	46	17
2451	Low oxygen, rapid weight gain . . . we'll need to run a few more tests.	1.3361	0.03851	241	176	49	16
2452	It may take a week or two, but you've just got to unwind.	1.3361	0.03862	244	179	48	17
2453	Well, this certainly explains the tightness in your chest you called us about.	1.3361	0.03774	244	177	52	15
2454	I won't know what's causing your chest pain until I order some lab work.	1.3361	0.03906	244	180	46	18
2455	So - your difficulty breathing. Is it all the time, or does it come and go?	1.3361	0.03949	244	181	44	19
2456	I'm writing you a prescription to ease your constriction.	1.3361	0.03991	244	182	42	20
2457	Well, we'll rule out COPD.	1.3361	0.03818	244	178	50	16
2458	A course of antiboa-otics should clear this right up.	1.3360	0.03698	247	178	55	14
2459	That's nothing. Wait until you get my bill.	1.3360	0.03654	247	177	57	13
2460	For insurance purposes, are you one or two patients?	1.3360	0.04004	250	188	40	22
2461	As a precaution, I’m prescribing a potent laxative for the snake.	1.3360	0.03881	250	185	46	19
2462	You took the subway?	1.3360	0.03712	250	181	54	15
2463	On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 be the mildest and 10 being the most crushing, how would you rate the constriction?	1.3360	0.03624	250	179	58	13
2464	And when did the shortness of breath start?	1.3360	0.03808	253	186	49	18
2465	Yes, it's like compression socks.	1.3360	0.03552	253	180	61	12
2466	I want you to switch to a Paleo Diet and avoid the fruit of a certain tree.	1.3360	0.03929	253	189	43	21
2467	I'm going to prescribe you some snake oil.	1.3360	0.03849	253	187	47	19
2468	Boris here will be your therapy pet.	1.3359	0.03653	256	185	56	15
2469	I see here that your blood pressure is up a little today.	1.3359	0.03653	256	185	56	15
2470	When did you first notice this shortness of breath?	1.3359	0.03677	262	191	54	17
2471	I'm concerned about your circulation.	1.3359	0.03596	262	189	58	15
2472	Chest tightness, shortness of breath.. It might be just stress.	1.3358	0.03839	265	198	45	22
2473	I can hear a rattling in your chest. We need to get that checked out.	1.3358	0.03726	265	195	51	19
2474	Apparently your diet is not the cause of your high blood pressure.	1.3358	0.03620	268	195	56	17
2475	The tightness in your chest could be caused by any number of things, Mr. Albers. We’ll have to run a few tests.	1.3358	0.03845	268	201	44	23
2476	Has your constriction lasted for more than four hours?	1.3357	0.03586	280	205	56	19
2477	Unfortuntely we can't do anything until its bitten you	1.3350	0.04126	206	150	43	13
2478	Your date of birth here says sixth day, but no month or year. Why is that?	1.3349	0.04127	218	161	41	16
2479	The good news is your snake will be just fine.”	1.3349	0.04023	218	159	45	14
2480	Well...I'll tell ya, it sure is a shame that we didn't detect this earlier...	1.3348	0.03881	221	159	50	12
2481	When did you first notice the hissing sound?	1.3348	0.03796	233	168	52	13
2482	In my experience, your shortness of breath is probably asthma, but let's see what the tests say...	1.3348	0.03986	233	172	44	17
2483	Trust me, after a few weeks you’ll wonder how you ever got along without it.	1.3348	0.03892	233	170	48	15
2484	Any symptoms other than tightness in your chest?	1.3347	0.03905	236	173	47	16
2485	Sorry for the long wait, I see your insurance is in order... What seems to be the problem?	1.3347	0.04041	236	176	41	19
2486	Next time specifically ask for a feather boa.	1.3347	0.03871	239	175	48	16
2487	Well, we've gotten results back from the lab, and I'm happy to report that the tightness in your chest is not the result of a heart attack.	1.3347	0.03732	239	172	54	13
2488	Doctor, it's not me. I'm here for the snake.	1.3347	0.03916	239	176	46	17
2489	So...your insurance company wants to know if this is a pre-existing condition	1.3347	0.04019	245	184	40	21
2490	Actually, it's not covered by anyone's insurance.	1.3347	0.03935	245	182	44	19
2491	You're fine, but the snake has a skin condition.	1.3347	0.03943	248	185	43	20
2492	The good news is that the tightness in your chest is not attributable to cardiac health.	1.3347	0.03773	248	181	51	16
2493	Do you have any other partners	1.3347	0.03901	248	184	45	19
2494	Tell me what seems to be the problem?	1.3347	0.03943	248	185	43	20
2495	Here's a doctor's order for your service animal.	1.3347	0.03859	248	183	47	18
2496	I am arranging a PET scan to see if we can determine what’s causing the tightness in your chest.	1.3347	0.03656	251	181	56	14
2497	Okay, I’m going to ask you not to take a deep breath...	1.3347	0.03656	251	181	56	14
2498	I’m sorry sir, we still have to perform a prostate exam. Standard procedure.	1.3347	0.03909	251	187	44	20
2499	So it says here, you’re suffering from shortness of breath. Would you say that is something recent?	1.3346	0.03712	254	185	53	16
2500	Your chest is a little constricted, but your blood work looks just fine.	1.3346	0.03665	263	192	54	17
2501	Shortness of breath? For how long?	1.3346	0.03743	263	194	50	19
2502	How long since the move has she been this clingy?	1.3346	0.03376	263	185	68	10
2503	Yes, I suppose we could use a blood pressure cuff instead.	1.3346	0.03625	263	191	56	16
2504	You have one of the worst cases of coilitis I’ve ever seen	1.3346	0.03936	266	202	39	25
2505	On the plus side, it looks like your blood sugar is finally under control	1.3346	0.03685	269	198	52	19
2506	Give him two rats and call me in the morning.	1.3346	0.03685	269	198	52	19
2507	Does it hurt when you swallow?	1.3346	0.03452	269	192	64	13
2508	I think I can explain the shortness of breath.	1.3345	0.03517	275	199	60	16
2509	So apparently not every apple keeps the doctor away, Adam.	1.3345	0.03876	275	209	40	26
2510	Your knee reflexes are fine.	1.3333	0.03671	258	188	54	16
2511	I meant you should go on a restricted diet, not a constricted one!	1.3333	0.03984	225	165	45	15
2512	And what seems to be your problem ?	1.3333	0.03815	231	167	51	13
2513	I'm prescribing something to make you less delicious.	1.3333	0.03960	231	170	45	16
2514	This should help with the swelling, but side effects may include difficulty breathing.	1.3333	0.04191	231	175	35	21
2515	But should you unwind the python you will be full Monty.	1.3333	0.03896	252	188	44	20
2516	...and discontinue the support animal for your back condition.	1.3333	0.04092	228	170	40	18
2517	We'll have the results of your stress test in just a minute.	1.3333	0.03719	240	173	54	13
2518	Mr. Jones, I believe we're finally beginning to understand what might be behind your unusually high blood pressure.	1.3333	0.03761	249	182	51	16
2519	It looks like PETA has blocked all the available treatments.	1.3333	0.03636	270	198	54	18
2520	The good news is we did find the tail...	1.3333	0.03730	252	184	52	16
2521	Fortunately your insurance pays for wraparound services.	1.3333	0.03864	231	168	49	14
2522	Good morning Mr. Pivnick, what brings you in today?	1.3333	0.04008	231	171	43	17
2523	Sorry, this is the best colonoscopy procedure we can do with your medical insurance	1.3333	0.03909	258	194	42	22
2524	This is what keeps dermatology interesting.	1.3333	0.03803	249	183	49	17
2525	Sorry, all our herpetologists are out of network.	1.3333	0.03982	237	176	43	18
2526	Chest pressure yes, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a heart attack!	1.3333	0.03878	234	171	48	15
2527	I'm putting you on anti-constrictor medication.	1.3333	0.04045	228	169	42	17
2528	I’m prescribing you this emotional support animal for your anxiety issues.	1.3333	0.03692	264	194	52	18
2529	And, you say you’re having trouble breathing, correct?	1.3333	0.03823	255	189	47	19
2530	So you’re trying to leave her because she’s smothering you?	1.3333	0.04045	228	169	42	17
2531	So tell me, where does it hurt?	1.3333	0.03844	237	173	49	15
2532	Strip down to your gerbils.	1.3333	0.03896	252	188	44	20
2533	I'm going to recommend charm school.	1.3333	0.04026	237	177	41	19
2534	Looks like you’ve been too charming for your own good.	1.3333	0.03846	249	184	47	18
2535	Let's see if we can't shuffle off this mortal coil, eh?	1.3333	0.03883	264	199	42	23
2536	They say they won't cover this because it's a pre-existing condition.	1.3333	0.03845	264	198	44	22
2537	We feel its entirely allegorical.	1.3333	0.03970	222	162	46	14
2538	Trust me--next best thing to a laxative.	1.3333	0.04026	237	177	41	19
2539	Get rid of the apple tree.	1.3333	0.03814	252	186	48	18
2540	As a rescue boa, you have to expect this kind of thing. Here's a Rx for a muscle relaxant.	1.3333	0.03823	255	189	47	19
2541	The nurse said you are having trouble breathing?	1.3333	0.03644	252	182	56	14
2542	Is there any history of this happening in your family?	1.3333	0.03766	240	174	52	14
2543	So he was in your neighbor's apple tree?	1.3333	0.03823	255	189	47	19
2544	I'm going have to refer you to a herpetologist.	1.3333	0.03782	234	169	52	13
2545	And this was after Eve bit the apple?	1.3333	0.03784	270	202	46	22
2546	I don't care how constipated you are. Stop taking medical advice from Goop.	1.3333	0.03963	246	184	42	20
2547	Possible side effects include tightness,faintness,claustrophobia,hysteria,loss of blood flow,immobility,neck strain,over-heating,and the sneaking suspicion you belong in a zoo.	1.3333	0.03704	246	178	54	14
2548	Look, everyone has excuses for high blood pressure, I’m still recommending lowering your sodium intake.	1.3333	0.03702	237	170	55	12
2549	Is the tightness just in your chest?	1.3333	0.03921	246	183	44	19
2550	Okay, I see the problem. You can get dressed.	1.3333	0.03658	246	177	56	13
2551	So, tingling in the feet can have many root causes...	1.3333	0.03642	261	190	55	16
2552	Well, we first met on Slithr.	1.3333	0.04208	204	150	40	14
2553	I'm pretty sure it is not an allergy.	1.3333	0.03984	225	165	45	15
2554	Well, the snake is in-network, but the antivenin is out of network.	1.3333	0.04131	225	168	39	18
2555	The good news is that this should shed off in about 6 months.	1.3333	0.03919	222	161	48	13
2556	The nurse screamed something about a tightness in your chest so I'm ordering an EKG to help us figure out what might be causing that.	1.3333	0.03761	261	193	49	19
2557	I see you're over 50. I'm recommending a colonoscopy.	1.3321	0.03670	262	192	53	17
2558	Can you please be more specific when you describe feeling a "tightness around your chest"?	1.3321	0.03710	262	193	51	18
2559	Your wife called and asked if you could pick up a few apples on the way home.	1.3320	0.03740	259	191	50	18
2560	What we are dealing with here is a strong case of separation anxiety.	1.3320	0.03779	259	192	48	19
2561	I'm going to refer you to a very good anaconda man I know.	1.3320	0.03770	256	189	49	18
2562	You do have a COBRA from you last job, but I'm afraid there is no python benefit.	1.3320	0.03883	253	189	44	20
2563	I'm sorry sir, we only deal with first world problems here.	1.3320	0.03759	253	186	50	17
2564	Just because it doesn’t have feathers doesn’t mean you’re not gay.	1.3320	0.03997	250	189	39	22
2565	You're blood pressure is abnormally high.	1.3320	0.03791	250	184	49	17
2566	The Good news is the snake is in perfect health.	1.3320	0.03748	250	183	51	16
2567	...Loss of appetite, shortness of breath, tightness in your chest. I'm going to refer you to one of our resident charmers.	1.3320	0.04032	247	187	38	22
2568	Lucky for you, this is the only affliction Snake Oil cures.	1.3320	0.03865	247	183	46	18
2569	Generally when they wrap themselves around you like this, it's something other than a show of affection.	1.3320	0.03941	244	182	43	19
2570	I am referring you to Dr. Patel, down the hall. If he has his instrument, a pungi, he will charm that snake from you in two minutes.	1.3320	0.03676	244	176	55	13
2571	For now, you are restricted from physical activity...well, constricted.	1.3320	0.03766	244	178	51	15
2572	The good news is you're on the outside of it.	1.3320	0.04019	241	181	40	20
2573	Good news? You look dashing in a boa. Bad news? It will be hungry soon.”	1.3320	0.03932	241	179	44	18
2574	Well, WebMD is no doctor.	1.3320	0.03563	241	171	60	10
2575	I'm prescribing a steroid cream for the scaly skin.	1.3320	0.03612	241	172	58	11
2576	Those YouTube challenges keeps getting weirder	1.3320	0.03798	241	176	50	15
2577	You’ve got to learn to unwind.	1.3319	0.03967	238	177	43	18
2578	It gives a much more accurate reading of your blood pressure.	1.3319	0.03877	238	175	47	16
2579	Has it been more than four hours?	1.3319	0.03967	238	177	43	18
2580	If it's any consolation, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.	1.3319	0.03957	235	174	44	17
2581	You just need a dose of antihisstamines.	1.3319	0.04176	232	176	35	21
2582	Your snake is in great health -- but I think it's about time you saw an MD.	1.3319	0.04030	229	170	42	17
2583	I’m going to pull it’s tail. Your legs will either spin like a top or your head will pop like a cherry.	1.3319	0.03933	229	168	46	15
2584	I checked and neither your primary nor your secondary covers this.	1.3319	0.04170	229	173	36	20
2585	Frankly I don't think your problem is asthma.	1.3319	0.03933	229	168	46	15
2586	I see you’re fully covered, but unfortunately your snake is not.	1.3319	0.03835	229	166	50	13
2587	This should reduce your swelling.	1.3319	0.03869	226	164	49	13
2588	My wife has a similar handbag	1.3318	0.04134	217	161	40	16
2589	I see here you’re complaining of difficulty swallowing, a tightness in you chest and a compacted bowel... anything else	1.3318	0.04286	217	164	34	19
2590	Uh huh, and have your contractions increased since your last visit?	1.3318	0.04030	217	159	44	14
2591	So, when did you first notice the contractions?	1.3318	0.04279	214	161	35	18
2592	Trust me. It'll do wonders for your back pain.	1.3309	0.03333	278	198	68	12
2593	I just need you to fill out this form and then the doctor can see you.	1.3309	0.03695	275	205	49	21
2594	Mr. Ralston, I'm confident you have what we used to call grippe	1.3308	0.03578	263	191	57	15
2595	Just feed it three mice daily and you'll be just fine See you in a year.	1.3308	0.03564	260	188	58	14
2596	Well we're out of rodents so let's give the clarinet a try.	1.3308	0.03845	260	195	44	21
2597	This is not what I meant when I suggested you constrict your activity.	1.3307	0.03788	254	188	48	18
2598	The good news: We’ve killed your tapeworm.	1.3307	0.03533	254	182	60	12
2599	Your cholesterol is ok but your pressure is through the roof!	1.3307	0.03983	251	190	39	22
2600	Do you feel out of breath when you go up stairs?	1.3307	0.03983	251	190	39	22
2601	How long have you been feeling constricted?	1.3307	0.03692	251	183	53	15
2602	I can see that you are feeling a bit constricted.	1.3306	0.03852	248	184	46	18
2603	...and his name is Monty, you say?	1.3306	0.03678	248	180	54	14
2604	There is nothing I can do until you sign this consent form.	1.3306	0.03809	248	183	48	17
2605	And you say Eve ate the whole apple.	1.3306	0.03885	245	182	45	18
2606	Are you currently feeling any discomfort?	1.3306	0.03919	242	180	44	18
2607	The herpetologist can see you a week from Thursday."You OK with that	1.3306	0.03919	242	180	44	18
2608	‘My prescription for you...Get out of Florida immediately.”	1.3306	0.03962	242	181	42	19
2609	I have some good news regarding your scoliosis.	1.3306	0.03739	242	176	52	14
2610	I'm admitting the snake to the hospital. You just have to go along.	1.3306	0.03785	242	177	50	15
2611	So...it says here you feel a tightness in your chest?	1.3306	0.03830	242	178	48	16
2612	I have your test results. It’s not a goiter.”	1.3305	0.03771	239	174	51	14
2613	On the plus side, all of your vitals look good...	1.3305	0.04033	236	177	40	19
2614	Sorry, your health plan doesn't cover pre-existing conditions.	1.3305	0.04033	236	177	40	19
2615	Apparently not all pets lower your blood pressure.	1.3305	0.03932	233	172	45	16
2616	I think that we might have figured out what is causing the tightness in your chest.	1.3305	0.03836	233	170	49	14
2617	Tightness in chest...any other symptoms?	1.3304	0.03870	230	168	48	14
2618	Your blood pressure is a little high. Are you exercising	1.3304	0.04015	230	171	42	17
2619	You need to unwind. Literally.	1.3304	0.03919	230	169	46	15
2620	Is there a reason you didn't come in earlier?	1.3304	0.04147	227	171	37	19
2621	Well, yes, that constricted feeling in the chest is a common symptom of a panic attack. However, it could also be caused by your pet snake.	1.3304	0.04052	227	169	41	17
2622	I reccomend three aspirin and eight live rats daily.	1.3304	0.03804	227	164	51	12
2623	When did this relationship start, and why do you think she's become so possessive?	1.3304	0.04052	227	169	41	17
2624	And are you feeling any shortness of breath?	1.3304	0.03940	224	164	46	14
2625	Now, let's talk about that so-called 'companion animal' of yours.	1.3304	0.03889	224	163	48	13
2626	Whatever you do, don't exhale.	1.3303	0.03872	221	160	49	12
2627	Have you tried gyrating counter clockwise?	1.3303	0.03818	221	159	51	11
2628	We'll get your blood pressure down one way or another.	1.3302	0.03998	215	157	45	13
2629	... and how long have you been feeling this tightness in your chest?	1.3302	0.04146	212	157	40	15
2630	How bad is the pain on a “scale” of 1 to 10 feet?	1.3296	0.03704	270	201	49	20
2631	Sssso, what sssseems to be the problem?	1.3295	0.03647	264	194	53	17
2632	OK...Tightness in your chest. Have you been exercising? How about alcohol consumption? Getting enough sleep? Problems at home or at work?	1.3295	0.03763	264	197	47	20
2633	Just relax and let him take your blood pressure.	1.3295	0.03763	264	197	47	20
2634	I don't know what's causing your shortness of breath. All your blood test results look fine.	1.3295	0.03763	264	197	47	20
2635	Eugene, I think we can rule out cancer.	1.3295	0.03553	261	189	58	14
2636	Aside from the tightness in your chest, are you experiencing any other symptoms?	1.3295	0.03825	258	193	45	20
2637	I think you should probably see a vet.	1.3295	0.03452	258	184	63	11
2638	I think I know what's causing your shortness of breath.	1.3295	0.03785	258	192	47	19
2639	Has he shown signs of discomfort?	1.3294	0.03608	255	185	56	14
2640	Would you say you feel.. mmh.. constricted?	1.3294	0.03856	255	191	44	20
2641	Your cholesterol is high, but it won't kill you.	1.3294	0.03856	255	191	44	20
2642	Yep, it's herpes.	1.3294	0.03936	255	193	40	22
2643	You say you first used it as a small scarf and then it grew on you?	1.3294	0.03807	252	187	47	18
2644	That feeling of a constriction and shortness of breath can be a false indicator. Let's get you downstairs for an EKG.	1.3294	0.03889	252	189	43	20
2645	Your insurance says you’re fine.	1.3294	0.03765	252	186	49	17
2646	Well It appears we can rule out Asthma	1.3294	0.03680	252	184	53	15
2647	Good news- your cholesterol is fine.	1.3293	0.03622	249	180	56	13
2648	Good news! She views the relationship as symbiotic.	1.3293	0.03666	249	181	54	14
2649	Just to be safe, let’s order another test.	1.3293	0.03922	249	187	42	20
2650	Next time I strongly suggest a feathered one.	1.3293	0.04161	246	190	31	25
2651	I'm no expert when it comes to relationships. But I think someone's got a crush on you.	1.3293	0.03696	246	179	53	14
2652	We’re short on time, so I’ll skip the good news/ bad new routine	1.3293	0.03741	246	180	51	15
2653	This is the homeopathic way to take your blood pressure	1.3293	0.03828	246	182	47	17
2654	It’s not as bad as it looks.	1.3293	0.03605	246	177	57	12
2655	Sorry to make you wait but I am up to my neck with patients today.	1.3292	0.03392	243	170	66	7
2656	With chest pain we always have to rule out a heart condition.	1.3292	0.03948	243	182	42	19
2657	I’d like to prescribe him a muscle relaxer. Any known allergies?	1.3292	0.03894	240	178	45	17
2658	So you say you've had difficulty breathing recently?	1.3292	0.03849	240	177	47	16
2659	So where do you feel the tightness?	1.3292	0.03894	240	178	45	17
2660	I have your diagnosis but it may be difficult to swallow	1.3292	0.03983	240	180	41	19
2661	Have you tried using a gentle wind instrument?	1.3291	0.04019	237	178	40	19
2662	If you’d just taken the apple, none of us would be here.	1.3291	0.03837	237	174	48	15
2663	I’m prescribing two mice a day.	1.3291	0.03790	237	173	50	14
2664	So it says here you're feeling constricted?	1.3291	0.03929	237	176	44	17
2665	I’m not sure why you’re having trouble breathing. Let’s order some tests.	1.3291	0.03974	237	177	42	18
2666	Can you tell me when the shortness of breath started?	1.3291	0.03790	237	173	50	14
2667	I'm afraid your insurance company is about to put the squeeze on you too."	1.3291	0.03790	237	173	50	14
2668	Good news, the constriction you're experiencing in your chest is not heart-related	1.3291	0.03742	237	172	52	13
2669	I am referring you to Dr. Charmer.	1.3291	0.04063	237	179	38	20
2670	Next of Kin? Eve, you say?	1.3291	0.03883	237	175	46	16
2671	Besides that, any allergies?	1.3291	0.03837	237	174	48	15
2672	Whether it's your insurance company, or this boa, you're getting squeezed either way.	1.3291	0.03774	234	170	51	13
2673	I wish I could help you with the boa constrictor, but it looks like your insurance only covers pythons.	1.3291	0.04055	234	176	39	19
2674	Your blood pressure today seems slightly elevated.	1.3291	0.03870	234	172	47	15
2675	The good news is that it looks like he already had lunch.	1.3291	0.03870	234	172	47	15
2676	I still need you to sign your insurance information form.	1.3290	0.03952	231	171	44	16
2677	Sorry. We were out of gowns.	1.3289	0.04084	228	171	39	18
2678	Surprisingly, your blood pressure is normal.	1.3289	0.03890	228	167	47	14
2679	I wanted your diet to be restrictive, not constrictive.	1.3289	0.04084	228	171	39	18
2680	I'm going to prescribe you some mice.	1.3288	0.03962	222	163	45	14
2681	I won't be able to look at that neck of yours unless you take off your boa.	1.3287	0.04244	216	163	35	18
2682	OK, I'll order some tests, but I'm not going to ask you how you had the foresight to get undressed before this happened.	1.3285	0.03737	274	206	46	22
2683	Physically, he's fine.	1.3284	0.03607	268	197	54	17
2684	It says here that you've been experiencing some tightness in your chest.	1.3283	0.03674	265	196	51	18
2685	Look, I don't know what you want from me. Your snake is in perfect health.	1.3283	0.04040	198	143	45	10
2686	It will be just a few minutes, we’re waiting for PETA to call us back so we don’t injure him.	1.3282	0.04041	259	200	33	26
2687	I'm writing a referral to a snake oil salesman._	1.3282	0.03610	259	189	55	15
2688	I put your odds at about one serpent.	1.3282	0.03851	259	195	43	21
2689	Looks like you caught something during your recent trip to the Amazon Rain Forest	1.3281	0.03844	256	192	44	20
2690	Effects may include shortness of breath.	1.3281	0.03554	256	185	58	13

Contest #651

Cartoon

The winning captions

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