These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.
Name | Value |
---|---|
Submission deadline | 2019-01-28T01:37:00.000Z |
Voting started | - |
Voting ended | 2019-02-11T01:40:00.000Z |
Finalists announced | 2019-02-05T01:39:00.000Z |
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued | February 11, 2019 |
Number of captions | 4246 |
Number of responses | 708793 |
Number of participants | - |
In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.
Rank | Caption | Mean | Precision | Total votes | "Unfunny" votes | "Somewhat funny" votes | "Funny" votes |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0 | This is the exact moment Susan realized she may be an accomplice and not a magician's assistant... | 1.7018 | 0.06256 | 171 | 90 | 42 | 39 |
1 | When I did this trick at my old accounting firm, they called it a felony. | 1.6860 | 0.05976 | 172 | 88 | 50 | 34 |
2 | It's not magic. It's a Georgia ballot box. | 1.6514 | 0.06112 | 175 | 98 | 40 | 37 |
3 | Here's a trick I learned from my lawyer. | 1.6271 | 0.05648 | 177 | 95 | 53 | 29 |
4 | You folks may have seen this trick in the last Florida election. | 1.6265 | 0.06007 | 166 | 92 | 44 | 30 |
5 | And now, ladies and gentleman, I will turn my assistant into an accomplice. | 1.6051 | 0.06179 | 157 | 90 | 39 | 28 |
6 | It's not obstruction if a magician does it. | 1.5912 | 0.05728 | 159 | 87 | 50 | 22 |
7 | Watch as I transform this ordinary magician's assistant into an accomplice to a federal crime. | 1.5849 | 0.06071 | 159 | 93 | 39 | 27 |
8 | I will now demonstrate the new Florida ballot box | 1.5778 | 0.05456 | 180 | 102 | 52 | 26 |
9 | And now for a trick I learned at the White House. | 1.5769 | 0.06171 | 156 | 93 | 36 | 27 |
10 | And voila - a paper shredder has been transformed into perfectly functioning ballot box. | 1.5767 | 0.06086 | 163 | 98 | 36 | 29 |
11 | Relax, it's not obstruction if it's magic. | 1.5747 | 0.05423 | 174 | 97 | 54 | 23 |
12 | The monthly ritual at the New Yorker after receiving my caption contest submission. | 1.5660 | 0.06216 | 159 | 98 | 32 | 29 |
13 | Watch while I attempt to assemble the IKEA furniture without the instructions! | 1.5643 | 0.06100 | 140 | 80 | 41 | 19 |
14 | Now I'll try paper; I apologize about the rabbit. | 1.5615 | 0.05676 | 187 | 115 | 39 | 33 |
15 | Watch closely as I turn collusion into an illusion. | 1.5563 | 0.06518 | 142 | 88 | 29 | 25 |
16 | Ladies & Gentlemen, I call this one the "Florida Ballot Box" | 1.5556 | 0.06367 | 135 | 80 | 35 | 20 |
17 | The President says there’s not a ‘shred of evidence’ and yet ladies and gentlemen ‘here we are.’ | 1.5556 | 0.05874 | 162 | 97 | 40 | 25 |
18 | I call this trick President Trump's suggestion box. | 1.5523 | 0.05729 | 172 | 104 | 41 | 27 |
19 | In DC, they call this trick the shred of decency. | 1.5519 | 0.06114 | 154 | 94 | 35 | 25 |
20 | And for my next trick I will provide a shred of evidence! | 1.5515 | 0.05857 | 165 | 100 | 39 | 26 |
21 | And now, I put my ballot in the Florida ballot box ... | 1.5497 | 0.05574 | 171 | 101 | 46 | 24 |
22 | I learned this trick from a congressman in North Carolina | 1.5430 | 0.06143 | 151 | 93 | 34 | 24 |
23 | Ladies and gentlemen, here’s a little trick I learned while attending Trump University... | 1.5430 | 0.05502 | 186 | 114 | 43 | 29 |
24 | And now . . . due to new rules and regulations put forth by PETA . . . I will write the word "rabbit" on this piece of paper and make it disappear!! | 1.5429 | 0.05828 | 175 | 110 | 35 | 30 |
25 | Well there goes the last shred of truth. | 1.5422 | 0.05577 | 166 | 98 | 46 | 22 |
26 | And here's a little trick i learned from my accountant. | 1.5357 | 0.05782 | 168 | 104 | 38 | 26 |
27 | You know it's still in the cloud, right? | 1.5342 | 0.05978 | 161 | 101 | 34 | 26 |
28 | And last, your mother's string bean casserole recipe. | 1.5337 | 0.05592 | 163 | 97 | 45 | 21 |
29 | Next ballot please. | 1.5312 | 0.05943 | 160 | 100 | 35 | 25 |
30 | This is how we vote in Georgia! | 1.5311 | 0.05554 | 177 | 109 | 42 | 26 |
31 | It's jammed. Must've been the rabbit. | 1.5272 | 0.05554 | 184 | 116 | 39 | 29 |
32 | I don't get it. This trick kills at corporate events. | 1.5254 | 0.05555 | 177 | 110 | 41 | 26 |
33 | See? The wand makes it feel less criminal. | 1.5233 | 0.05309 | 172 | 102 | 50 | 20 |
34 | It's magic: you put your ballot in here, and Republicans show up in Washington. | 1.5212 | 0.05993 | 165 | 107 | 30 | 28 |
35 | And now for a trick I perfected while working in the White House. | 1.5203 | 0.05947 | 148 | 91 | 37 | 20 |
36 | He better be good. Those are our Hamilton tickets. | 1.5200 | 0.05779 | 175 | 113 | 33 | 29 |
37 | My lawyer said if I shred it on stage we can call it artistic expression. | 1.5195 | 0.05986 | 154 | 97 | 34 | 23 |
38 | Ask yourself--does this document spark joy? | 1.5141 | 0.06534 | 142 | 94 | 23 | 25 |
39 | This shredder's been jamming since you made that cole slaw. | 1.5132 | 0.06049 | 152 | 97 | 32 | 23 |
40 | People complained when I used rabbits. | 1.5109 | 0.06140 | 137 | 85 | 34 | 18 |
41 | Oh, a North Carolina ballot box. | 1.5109 | 0.05394 | 184 | 116 | 42 | 26 |
42 | This is a classic trick that dates back to Watergate. | 1.5060 | 0.05472 | 168 | 104 | 43 | 21 |
43 | Here's a classic trick I learned when I worked for the Trump administration. | 1.5058 | 0.05312 | 172 | 105 | 47 | 20 |
44 | Of course your vote counts! | 1.5057 | 0.05573 | 174 | 111 | 38 | 25 |
45 | Voila! A shred of truth. | 1.5030 | 0.05562 | 167 | 105 | 40 | 22 |
46 | Allow me to demonstrate our new voting machines ~ just arrived from Moscow! | 1.5029 | 0.05399 | 171 | 106 | 44 | 21 |
47 | After I shred this subpoena, I'm going to pull a pardon out of my hat. | 1.5029 | 0.05399 | 171 | 106 | 44 | 21 |
48 | And now... a little trick I learned at Trump University! | 1.5029 | 0.05368 | 175 | 109 | 44 | 22 |
49 | And now, ladies and gentlemen, the translator's notes. | 1.5000 | 0.05196 | 180 | 111 | 48 | 21 |
50 | Ladies and gentlemen: how magic is used to count votes in North Carolina.” | 1.5000 | 0.05871 | 158 | 102 | 33 | 23 |
51 | You're right,Sally. The magic is gone. | 1.4972 | 0.05278 | 179 | 112 | 45 | 22 |
52 | Alabama voting booth | 1.4971 | 0.05489 | 175 | 112 | 39 | 24 |
53 | Here's a trick I recently preformed at the White House.. | 1.4968 | 0.05959 | 155 | 101 | 31 | 23 |
54 | I learned this trick when I was working at Enron. | 1.4948 | 0.05129 | 194 | 123 | 46 | 25 |
55 | Watch closely as I fix a North Carolina election, using only this common office appliance. | 1.4944 | 0.05430 | 180 | 116 | 39 | 25 |
56 | This illusion was recently performed in Washington, D.C. | 1.4934 | 0.05977 | 152 | 99 | 31 | 22 |
57 | Now watch in amazement as I escape criminal liability! | 1.4911 | 0.05382 | 169 | 106 | 43 | 20 |
58 | There's not a shred of evidence of collusion. | 1.4907 | 0.05581 | 161 | 102 | 39 | 20 |
59 | And now, I'm going to amaze you with a little trick I learned when I was working at the Georgia Department of Voter Registration. | 1.4906 | 0.05704 | 159 | 102 | 36 | 21 |
60 | I'm also available for birthday parties and cabinet meetings. | 1.4901 | 0.04975 | 202 | 128 | 49 | 25 |
61 | It's called the Magic Southern States voting machine" | 1.4882 | 0.05486 | 170 | 109 | 39 | 22 |
62 | Now you see it; Now it didn't happen. | 1.4881 | 0.05405 | 168 | 106 | 42 | 20 |
63 | Now I just say the magic words: Plausible deniability. | 1.4881 | 0.05405 | 168 | 106 | 42 | 20 |
64 | We switched to paper after PETA called about the rabbits | 1.4880 | 0.05521 | 166 | 106 | 39 | 21 |
65 | And here goes my last shred of dignity. | 1.4859 | 0.05261 | 177 | 112 | 44 | 21 |
66 | Here's a little trick I learned at Trump Tower. | 1.4855 | 0.05351 | 173 | 110 | 42 | 21 |
67 | Ta da! And just like that, I've transformed Olga from assistant to accomplice! | 1.4852 | 0.05574 | 169 | 110 | 36 | 23 |
68 | The White House Magician’s work is never done.... | 1.4847 | 0.06052 | 163 | 112 | 23 | 28 |
69 | It's a popular trick I learned in The White House... It's called, 'Permanent Redaction' | 1.4845 | 0.05718 | 161 | 105 | 34 | 22 |
70 | Anyone can make a live rabbit disappear. It's making the paper trail vanish that separates the amateurs from the pros. | 1.4839 | 0.05365 | 155 | 95 | 45 | 15 |
71 | Now watch carefully, as before your very eyes I, The Sensational Trumpo, take this perfectly ordinary copy of the US Constitution ... | 1.4830 | 0.05221 | 176 | 111 | 45 | 20 |
72 | Florida officially adopts the Banksy Ballot. | 1.4826 | 0.05741 | 172 | 116 | 29 | 27 |
73 | I learned this trick while working for the Archdiocese of Boston. | 1.4819 | 0.05585 | 166 | 108 | 36 | 22 |
74 | I understand the shredder. But why the hat and wand, Mr. President? | 1.4810 | 0.05800 | 158 | 104 | 32 | 22 |
75 | I learned this next trick while working at Enron... | 1.4805 | 0.05390 | 154 | 95 | 44 | 15 |
76 | At least this went down easier than the rabbit did. | 1.4804 | 0.05451 | 179 | 118 | 36 | 25 |
77 | For my next trick I'll need a volunteer and some scotch tape. | 1.4802 | 0.05320 | 177 | 114 | 41 | 22 |
78 | For this next trick, I will need a lawyer from the audience. | 1.4795 | 0.05461 | 171 | 111 | 38 | 22 |
79 | We should probably just use the hat for the bunny. | 1.4794 | 0.05022 | 194 | 124 | 47 | 23 |
80 | These are the facts. Now they aren't. | 1.4790 | 0.05494 | 167 | 108 | 38 | 21 |
81 | See what small hands can do: Constitution? What Constitution? | 1.4785 | 0.05663 | 163 | 107 | 34 | 22 |
82 | For my next trick, I'm going to demonstrate how the average American voting machine works. | 1.4780 | 0.05840 | 159 | 106 | 30 | 23 |
83 | Another summons from a woman sawed in half. | 1.4765 | 0.05484 | 170 | 111 | 37 | 22 |
84 | I learned this trick at the White House. | 1.4764 | 0.05292 | 191 | 127 | 37 | 27 |
85 | I’m pretty sure he said “shred the evidence,” but it could have been “there’s not a shred of evidence.” | 1.4762 | 0.05533 | 168 | 110 | 36 | 22 |
86 | It's what we accountants like to call "magic". | 1.4751 | 0.05112 | 181 | 115 | 46 | 20 |
87 | Florida electronic voting machine. | 1.4744 | 0.06063 | 156 | 107 | 24 | 25 |
88 | No, it's not tax fraud, it's magic. | 1.4743 | 0.05365 | 175 | 114 | 39 | 22 |
89 | The real trick is going paperless | 1.4740 | 0.04958 | 173 | 106 | 52 | 15 |
90 | I saw the President do this trick once, with his tax returns. | 1.4737 | 0.05597 | 152 | 97 | 38 | 17 |
91 | Yes, dear, I know. A real magician wouldn't have to plug this thing in. | 1.4710 | 0.05591 | 155 | 100 | 37 | 18 |
92 | And now for the magic words: “HOCUS POTUS!” | 1.4709 | 0.05434 | 172 | 113 | 37 | 22 |
93 | And let’s see what happens when we shred all sense of decency and compromise. | 1.4709 | 0.05619 | 172 | 116 | 31 | 25 |
94 | And that's how we make votes disappear in Florida. | 1.4706 | 0.05419 | 170 | 111 | 38 | 21 |
95 | Voting in Florida explained. | 1.4702 | 0.05544 | 151 | 96 | 39 | 16 |
96 | Do not try this with a rabbit. | 1.4699 | 0.05582 | 166 | 110 | 34 | 22 |
97 | Now before I slice my lovely assistant Tiffany in half, I will do something really daring and shred her liability waiver. | 1.4693 | 0.05213 | 179 | 116 | 42 | 21 |
98 | I would have never thought that our disappearing act would get us a gig at the White House. | 1.4693 | 0.05152 | 179 | 115 | 44 | 20 |
99 | And now - the Trump defense. | 1.4688 | 0.05809 | 160 | 108 | 29 | 23 |
100 | I learned this one when I was with the Trump Organization. | 1.4686 | 0.05484 | 175 | 117 | 34 | 24 |
101 | I tried this trick with a rabbit, but just once. | 1.4682 | 0.05471 | 173 | 115 | 35 | 23 |
102 | Abra cadabra... and the transcript of the meeting with Putin is gone. | 1.4679 | 0.05563 | 156 | 101 | 37 | 18 |
103 | Slightly less messy than with the rabbit. | 1.4675 | 0.05244 | 169 | 108 | 43 | 18 |
104 | No one charges Santini for drinks. | 1.4675 | 0.05442 | 169 | 111 | 37 | 21 |
105 | Due to the government shut down this cartoon has no caption. | 1.4667 | 0.05541 | 165 | 109 | 35 | 21 |
106 | Presto, the Florida vote is now counted! | 1.4655 | 0.05385 | 174 | 115 | 37 | 22 |
107 | The real magic is getting this thing not to jam. | 1.4654 | 0.05030 | 159 | 97 | 50 | 12 |
108 | But Mr. President, that's The Constitution. | 1.4637 | 0.05388 | 179 | 120 | 35 | 24 |
109 | And for my next trick, a new election result! | 1.4630 | 0.05408 | 162 | 105 | 39 | 18 |
110 | This next trick I first saw performed as a government intern. | 1.4624 | 0.05087 | 173 | 110 | 46 | 17 |
111 | And for my next trick, I’ll unjam the copier. | 1.4620 | 0.05197 | 171 | 110 | 43 | 18 |
112 | And for my next trick, I will need some tape. | 1.4607 | 0.05046 | 178 | 114 | 46 | 18 |
113 | Ladies and Gentlemen! Now you see it, now you don't. The last shred of decency in the world. | 1.4605 | 0.05745 | 152 | 101 | 32 | 19 |
114 | And now, I will magically double the value of this original work of art. | 1.4598 | 0.05505 | 174 | 118 | 32 | 24 |
115 | ...and now, for my next trick, I will process the absentee ballots for North Carolina's 9th before your very eyes. | 1.4581 | 0.05208 | 179 | 118 | 40 | 21 |
116 | I also work political parties. | 1.4576 | 0.05002 | 177 | 113 | 47 | 17 |
117 | The real trick is making you wonder about the shredder instead of why Sheila isn’t wearing pants. | 1.4568 | 0.05188 | 162 | 103 | 44 | 15 |
118 | I place the prenup into an ordinary Georgia ballot box . . . | 1.4563 | 0.05871 | 160 | 111 | 25 | 24 |
119 | And now the magic words--PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY! | 1.4561 | 0.05127 | 171 | 110 | 44 | 17 |
120 | And for my next trick, I will make all of these Florida ballots disappear. | 1.4560 | 0.04963 | 182 | 117 | 47 | 18 |
121 | My next act I call Voter Suppression. | 1.4556 | 0.05371 | 169 | 112 | 37 | 20 |
122 | There goes the last shred of decency. | 1.4551 | 0.05551 | 167 | 113 | 32 | 22 |
123 | Abracadabra - and another absentee ballot is magically processed. | 1.4545 | 0.05468 | 165 | 110 | 35 | 20 |
124 | Due to PETA protests I will now only make this picture of a rabbit disappear | 1.4534 | 0.05283 | 161 | 104 | 41 | 16 |
125 | And Presto! In three minutes I'm going to find I really needed this. | 1.4524 | 0.05260 | 168 | 110 | 40 | 18 |
126 | Tell the Rabbit Union this is what I think of their demands. | 1.4524 | 0.05459 | 168 | 113 | 34 | 21 |
127 | To honor our President, I will now shred the U.S. Constitution." | 1.4514 | 0.05417 | 175 | 119 | 33 | 23 |
128 | It's an old trick I learned from Richard Nixon. | 1.4511 | 0.04982 | 184 | 120 | 45 | 19 |
129 | You're sure this is where I submit my absentee ballot?" | 1.4506 | 0.05878 | 162 | 114 | 23 | 25 |
130 | And now I will turn a felony into a misdemeanor | 1.4505 | 0.04773 | 182 | 115 | 52 | 15 |
131 | Georgia Democratic Voters! Step this way to cast your ballots in the midterm elections | 1.4505 | 0.04899 | 182 | 117 | 48 | 17 |
132 | It's my $1.4 Million check to Banksy | 1.4503 | 0.05257 | 171 | 113 | 39 | 19 |
133 | There’s nothing magical about it. It’s the Republican recommendation for new ballot boxes in blue states. | 1.4500 | 0.05301 | 180 | 122 | 35 | 23 |
134 | Not only will I restore this document to its original condition, it will also be heavily redacted. | 1.4497 | 0.05099 | 169 | 109 | 44 | 16 |
135 | Presto! No collusion! | 1.4497 | 0.05434 | 169 | 114 | 34 | 21 |
136 | Behold as I consider your request for Friday off. | 1.4497 | 0.04888 | 169 | 106 | 50 | 13 |
137 | This next trick is sponsored by Staples. | 1.4494 | 0.04782 | 178 | 112 | 52 | 14 |
138 | I am The Amazing Trumpini. First, I will shred the constitution. Then ... well, that's it. | 1.4494 | 0.05346 | 178 | 121 | 34 | 23 |
139 | And for my next trick, observe how I can make democracy disappear with our new populist ballot box. | 1.4481 | 0.05454 | 154 | 101 | 37 | 16 |
140 | This isn't part of the show, I just needed this shredder to be a business expense. | 1.4479 | 0.05233 | 163 | 106 | 41 | 16 |
141 | Please do not attempt this at home, I am a highly trained White House note taker. | 1.4474 | 0.05033 | 190 | 127 | 41 | 22 |
142 | "Our new ballot box for blue precincts. | 1.4469 | 0.05142 | 179 | 119 | 40 | 20 |
143 | I call this trick "Avoiding Indictment" | 1.4451 | 0.05011 | 173 | 112 | 45 | 16 |
144 | Ah yes, I now realize my mistake with the rabbit. | 1.4444 | 0.05607 | 162 | 111 | 30 | 21 |
145 | Before this job, I worked in voter registration. | 1.4444 | 0.05187 | 171 | 113 | 40 | 18 |
146 | Any now I will attempt to shred what's left of my dignity | 1.4438 | 0.04974 | 178 | 116 | 45 | 17 |
147 | As Joan watched Bert shred his Viagra prescription, she knew the magic was gone. | 1.4438 | 0.05402 | 178 | 123 | 31 | 24 |
148 | The real trick is to empty it without getting little scraps all over the floor! | 1.4438 | 0.05164 | 169 | 111 | 41 | 17 |
149 | My lawyers hate this trick. | 1.4438 | 0.05301 | 160 | 105 | 39 | 16 |
150 | And just like that, I don't remember. | 1.4424 | 0.05528 | 165 | 113 | 31 | 21 |
151 | I will now turn this piece of paper into many smaller pieces of paper. | 1.4423 | 0.05475 | 156 | 104 | 35 | 17 |
152 | And now, by order of President Trump, I make the Constitution disappear! | 1.4419 | 0.05294 | 172 | 116 | 36 | 20 |
153 | And out comes Donald trump's tax return! | 1.4419 | 0.05030 | 172 | 112 | 44 | 16 |
154 | And we would like to thank President Trump for volunteering the use of the Constitution. | 1.4410 | 0.05631 | 161 | 111 | 29 | 21 |
155 | Voila. No collusion! | 1.4405 | 0.05645 | 168 | 118 | 26 | 24 |
156 | And here's one of the many letters Carol and I received after last week's tragic performance with a rabbit! | 1.4400 | 0.05033 | 175 | 115 | 43 | 17 |
157 | One less tweet for mankind | 1.4390 | 0.04984 | 164 | 105 | 46 | 13 |
158 | Now that I have written ‘Cheese’ on this piece of paper, I will, right before your eyes, turn it into shredded cheese. | 1.4379 | 0.05394 | 153 | 101 | 37 | 15 |
159 | But, you'll need to be a real magician to get rid of the actual emails. | 1.4379 | 0.05228 | 169 | 113 | 38 | 18 |
160 | The Constitution: Now you see it; now you don't. | 1.4375 | 0.05263 | 176 | 120 | 35 | 21 |
161 | We put the Constitution in here...and voilà! | 1.4375 | 0.05385 | 176 | 122 | 31 | 23 |
162 | So much for those translator´s notes. | 1.4371 | 0.05273 | 167 | 112 | 37 | 18 |
163 | This can't go any worse than the bunny... | 1.4367 | 0.05192 | 158 | 103 | 41 | 14 |
164 | And now Ladies and Gentlemen, a copy of the Mueller report should magically appear under your seat. | 1.4367 | 0.05494 | 158 | 107 | 33 | 18 |
165 | I call this next trick "the Electoral College." | 1.4359 | 0.05394 | 156 | 104 | 36 | 16 |
166 | I must say it's an honor to join your legal team, Mr President | 1.4353 | 0.05400 | 170 | 117 | 32 | 21 |
167 | I usually handle workplace complaints with my magic wand... but I’ve found the shredder to be less finicky. | 1.4345 | 0.05248 | 168 | 113 | 37 | 18 |
168 | I'm pretty sure it's not destroying evidence if you use magic. | 1.4343 | 0.05157 | 175 | 118 | 38 | 19 |
169 | Now watch as I magically escape from liability. | 1.4343 | 0.04829 | 175 | 113 | 48 | 14 |
170 | And presto, there was no collusion. | 1.4342 | 0.05417 | 152 | 101 | 36 | 15 |
171 | A ballot box that also shreds... what a brilliant idea! | 1.4341 | 0.05071 | 182 | 123 | 39 | 20 |
172 | And now, the famous GOP trick, the disappearing absentee ballots! | 1.4340 | 0.05610 | 159 | 110 | 29 | 20 |
173 | For my next trick, I begin with this ordinary, everyday United States Constitution... | 1.4340 | 0.05538 | 159 | 109 | 31 | 19 |
174 | There's not a shred of magic in this trick. | 1.4339 | 0.04698 | 189 | 123 | 50 | 16 |
175 | I came up with this routine when I was in the bookkeeping department at Enron. | 1.4337 | 0.05154 | 166 | 110 | 40 | 16 |
176 | Just slide your ballot into the machine and Presto!, Republicans win again! | 1.4336 | 0.05834 | 143 | 98 | 28 | 17 |
177 | And voila! The truth has disappeared. | 1.4335 | 0.05201 | 173 | 117 | 37 | 19 |
178 | And for my next crime... | 1.4333 | 0.05112 | 180 | 122 | 38 | 20 |
179 | I learned this trick in the government. | 1.4331 | 0.05290 | 157 | 104 | 38 | 15 |
180 | It's not destroying evidence. The evidence is still all there, just in tiny pieces. | 1.4329 | 0.04979 | 164 | 106 | 45 | 13 |
181 | When I used a rabbit kids were disturbed. | 1.4311 | 0.05130 | 167 | 111 | 40 | 16 |
182 | I learned this trick from interning at the White House. | 1.4294 | 0.05146 | 163 | 108 | 40 | 15 |
183 | Abracadabra! It's a Florida vote! | 1.4294 | 0.05265 | 170 | 116 | 35 | 19 |
184 | After I shred this unwanted junk-mail watch in amazement as it magically reappears in my mailbox about every 3 days! | 1.4294 | 0.05199 | 170 | 115 | 37 | 18 |
185 | Now you see their votes... Now you don't... | 1.4286 | 0.04928 | 189 | 128 | 41 | 20 |
186 | For my next trick, I will jam the office shredder using a single sheet of paper! | 1.4286 | 0.05244 | 168 | 114 | 36 | 18 |
187 | This is actually how information gets into the cloud. | 1.4286 | 0.05553 | 161 | 112 | 29 | 20 |
188 | This next illusion is called "how to win an election in Florida". | 1.4278 | 0.05168 | 180 | 124 | 35 | 21 |
189 | A good magician never reveals his taxes." | 1.4268 | 0.05048 | 164 | 108 | 42 | 14 |
190 | Watch as I turn this single sheet of paper into forty-four slightly more narrow sheets of paper. | 1.4260 | 0.05012 | 169 | 112 | 42 | 15 |
191 | Now, one final wave, and all the campaign promises disappear. | 1.4259 | 0.05240 | 162 | 109 | 37 | 16 |
192 | Now I say the magic words, “votus interruptus” | 1.4256 | 0.04759 | 195 | 131 | 45 | 19 |
193 | I perfected this one during the Watergate era. | 1.4248 | 0.05462 | 153 | 104 | 33 | 16 |
194 | And just like that, most of the caption contest entries are... gone. | 1.4248 | 0.05462 | 153 | 104 | 33 | 16 |
195 | And now with the help of my lovely assistant - I shall shred this paper, wave my wand, and distract you from the three human toes in my chest pocket. | 1.4247 | 0.04924 | 186 | 126 | 41 | 19 |
196 | And just like that 2018 never happened | 1.4244 | 0.05084 | 172 | 116 | 39 | 17 |
197 | If this trick works, Carla, we'll get you that pair of pants. | 1.4241 | 0.05409 | 158 | 108 | 33 | 17 |
198 | For my next trick , I am going to make a small yellow paper stick to the wall . | 1.4239 | 0.05139 | 184 | 128 | 34 | 22 |
199 | Abracadabra, Hocus Hootin; Unshread Trump's notes from his meeting with Putin. | 1.4238 | 0.04804 | 210 | 146 | 39 | 25 |
200 | Presto Obstructo! | 1.4224 | 0.05260 | 161 | 109 | 36 | 16 |
201 | The GOP Voting Rights Act | 1.4224 | 0.05260 | 161 | 109 | 36 | 16 |
202 | And now we magically reduce the number of caption contest entries. | 1.4224 | 0.05111 | 161 | 107 | 40 | 14 |
203 | It's my no-collusion illusion. | 1.4218 | 0.05623 | 147 | 101 | 30 | 16 |
204 | Illusion, my dear. Illusion. Not COLLUSION. | 1.4213 | 0.04956 | 178 | 120 | 41 | 17 |
205 | And for my final act of evidence tampering, I shall saw the witness in half. | 1.4192 | 0.05049 | 167 | 112 | 40 | 15 |
206 | Hocus Potus! | 1.4187 | 0.05571 | 160 | 113 | 27 | 20 |
207 | I learned this from the great ‘DickCheney’ | 1.4181 | 0.05101 | 177 | 122 | 36 | 19 |
208 | And- poof!- plausible deniability. | 1.4178 | 0.05302 | 146 | 97 | 37 | 12 |
209 | I now deliver the Mueller report. | 1.4172 | 0.05427 | 151 | 103 | 33 | 15 |
210 | This is where the Republican poll watchers said I should put my ballot, right? | 1.4167 | 0.05377 | 156 | 107 | 33 | 16 |
211 | For my next trick, Wendy and I shall go completely paperless! | 1.4167 | 0.05060 | 156 | 103 | 41 | 12 |
212 | And for my final act at the White House.... | 1.4167 | 0.04881 | 168 | 111 | 44 | 13 |
213 | Ta-Da! Another caption contest entry vanishes. | 1.4162 | 0.05121 | 173 | 119 | 36 | 18 |
214 | The White House Magician. | 1.4162 | 0.05314 | 173 | 122 | 30 | 21 |
215 | After disbarment, there was only one job for one so skilled at making things disappear. | 1.4157 | 0.05067 | 166 | 112 | 39 | 15 |
216 | Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Next up... my parents' hopes and dreams! | 1.4153 | 0.04914 | 183 | 125 | 40 | 18 |
217 | And presto! No collusion. | 1.4146 | 0.05036 | 164 | 110 | 40 | 14 |
218 | As the beautiful Marlene holds the shredder, I'll tap it 3 times and Presto! She's now a subcontractor with no benefits! | 1.4146 | 0.04367 | 205 | 135 | 55 | 15 |
219 | This trick didn't work with the rabbit. | 1.4144 | 0.05075 | 181 | 126 | 35 | 20 |
220 | I specialize in Wall Street magic. | 1.4142 | 0.04858 | 169 | 112 | 44 | 13 |
221 | And for my next trick, I shall not leave any shred of evidence | 1.4136 | 0.05003 | 162 | 108 | 41 | 13 |
222 | And if these reappear, I'm going away for a long time. | 1.4132 | 0.05253 | 167 | 116 | 33 | 18 |
223 | I just put the check in the box, and presto, you never slept with the president. | 1.4129 | 0.05241 | 155 | 105 | 36 | 14 |
224 | And now, ladies and gentleman, the Popular Vote! | 1.4129 | 0.05627 | 155 | 110 | 26 | 19 |
225 | In goes the constitution, and abracadabra, out comes... | 1.4127 | 0.04739 | 189 | 128 | 44 | 17 |
226 | The year of magical voting. | 1.4125 | 0.05422 | 160 | 112 | 30 | 18 |
227 | You were right, Susan. This fits much better than the rabbit did. | 1.4124 | 0.04903 | 177 | 120 | 41 | 16 |
228 | Relax, it’s cleaner than shredding the rabbit! | 1.4124 | 0.05096 | 177 | 123 | 35 | 19 |
229 | And presto. No proof of collusion! | 1.4121 | 0.05299 | 165 | 115 | 32 | 18 |
230 | ...And with a little “presto” , we now have 10,000 absentee ballots!... | 1.4118 | 0.05569 | 136 | 92 | 32 | 12 |
231 | The paper works much better than the rabbit. | 1.4118 | 0.05047 | 170 | 116 | 38 | 16 |
232 | And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you stay part of the 1%. | 1.4118 | 0.05449 | 153 | 106 | 31 | 16 |
233 | This trick is for White House staffers | 1.4118 | 0.04952 | 187 | 130 | 37 | 20 |
234 | The trick that horrified audiences everywhere. The document UNshredder. | 1.4114 | 0.05138 | 175 | 122 | 34 | 19 |
235 | Abra Covfefe! | 1.4110 | 0.05486 | 163 | 116 | 27 | 20 |
236 | Watch closely... There is no collusion. | 1.4110 | 0.05346 | 163 | 114 | 31 | 18 |
237 | For my next trick, I will create a $1.4 million dollar piece of art! | 1.4105 | 0.04893 | 190 | 132 | 38 | 20 |
238 | Magician? No, I’m the cartoon caption judge. | 1.4104 | 0.04705 | 173 | 114 | 47 | 12 |
239 | For my next trick I will saw this lady in half - WITHOUT THE INSTRUCTIONS! | 1.4101 | 0.05668 | 139 | 96 | 29 | 14 |
240 | Notice at no time do my fingers leave my hand. | 1.4094 | 0.05304 | 149 | 101 | 35 | 13 |
241 | For my next act, I'll need $10,000 and a fake passport. | 1.4088 | 0.05439 | 137 | 92 | 34 | 11 |
242 | And for my next trick as new attorney general ... | 1.4085 | 0.05030 | 164 | 111 | 39 | 14 |
243 | This next trick I picked up while briefly serving as a top lawyer to the President of the United States. | 1.4078 | 0.05049 | 179 | 125 | 35 | 19 |
244 | And now, before your very eyes, I, the Amazing Donald, will shred the Constitution! | 1.4078 | 0.05049 | 179 | 125 | 35 | 19 |
245 | And now, a little 'magic' for the accountants in the audience | 1.4076 | 0.04778 | 157 | 102 | 46 | 9 |
246 | Now, with my assistant, I will attempt to make the 2016 presidential election results disappear! | 1.4072 | 0.05036 | 167 | 114 | 38 | 15 |
247 | And just like that, Bush is president. | 1.4072 | 0.05247 | 167 | 117 | 32 | 18 |
248 | I learned this trick the very first day I worked for Trump. | 1.4070 | 0.05134 | 172 | 120 | 34 | 18 |
249 | The magic of a voting machine in South Carolina” | 1.4068 | 0.04962 | 177 | 122 | 38 | 17 |
250 | A Magician never reveals his secret tax debts | 1.4065 | 0.05469 | 155 | 109 | 29 | 17 |
251 | That one no longer sparked joy. | 1.4062 | 0.05268 | 160 | 111 | 33 | 16 |
252 | Good news, Barbara - you've been promoted to magician's accessory after the fact. | 1.4045 | 0.04676 | 178 | 119 | 46 | 13 |
253 | And, abracadabra, your vote has been counted! | 1.4045 | 0.04809 | 178 | 121 | 42 | 15 |
254 | Together, my assistant and I are performing a co-illusion, which is not a crime | 1.4041 | 0.05286 | 146 | 99 | 35 | 12 |
255 | Vote counting in some American states has been made even easier. | 1.4034 | 0.04847 | 176 | 120 | 41 | 15 |
256 | We interrupt our regular act for this special request from the White House! | 1.4024 | 0.04871 | 164 | 110 | 42 | 12 |
257 | And...Presto, the will of the people disappears! | 1.4024 | 0.05653 | 164 | 121 | 20 | 23 |
258 | The critics are not the only ones to mince their words. | 1.4023 | 0.05019 | 174 | 121 | 36 | 17 |
259 | I say the magic word 'Trump', and Abracadabra ... not a shred of evidence remains. | 1.4023 | 0.04885 | 174 | 119 | 40 | 15 |
260 | I wish to thank President Trump for donating his tax returns. | 1.4012 | 0.05140 | 162 | 112 | 35 | 15 |
261 | And for my final act, the Florida ballots. | 1.4012 | 0.05171 | 167 | 117 | 33 | 17 |
262 | Uh oh. The magic words were on that piece of paper. | 1.4011 | 0.04794 | 182 | 125 | 41 | 16 |
263 | Now watch closely as I turn this blue district red." | 1.4011 | 0.04883 | 187 | 131 | 37 | 19 |
264 | Abra Redactra | 1.4000 | 0.05351 | 150 | 104 | 32 | 14 |
265 | I keep telling him that he needs a lawyer, not a magician. | 1.4000 | 0.05286 | 165 | 117 | 30 | 18 |
266 | Prepared to be amazed as I shred this document without it immediately jamming! Next up the impossible...printing on first try! | 1.4000 | 0.05202 | 180 | 130 | 28 | 22 |
267 | But before we saw you in half, let's make your life insurance policy disappear. | 1.4000 | 0.04958 | 180 | 126 | 36 | 18 |
268 | Trump submitting his tax return | 1.4000 | 0.05226 | 155 | 107 | 34 | 14 |
269 | "It is is not illegal; it is an illusion. | 1.3988 | 0.04832 | 173 | 118 | 41 | 14 |
270 | Are you sure this ballot will be counted? | 1.3988 | 0.05214 | 168 | 119 | 31 | 18 |
271 | And if we all close our eyes real tight and wish real hard, I’ll shred the 2016 election results and the past two years will all be forgotten | 1.3988 | 0.05332 | 163 | 116 | 29 | 18 |
272 | And for my next trick... I will make a copy of Trump's income tax returns magically appear. | 1.3987 | 0.05308 | 158 | 111 | 31 | 16 |
273 | Thank you, Mr. President. Now I just need a volunteer from the audience who can put the Constitution back together. | 1.3987 | 0.05434 | 153 | 108 | 29 | 16 |
274 | And this is a diasappearing trick I learned when I was employed by Enron. | 1.3979 | 0.04508 | 191 | 129 | 48 | 14 |
275 | Is that the new suggestion box? | 1.3978 | 0.04809 | 181 | 125 | 40 | 16 |
276 | and now, at the command of our President, I am officially submitting his tax returns via my magic box | 1.3975 | 0.05307 | 161 | 114 | 30 | 17 |
277 | I know what you're thinking...I'm recycling an old trick | 1.3973 | 0.05277 | 146 | 100 | 34 | 12 |
278 | Quit crying or the rabbit's next. | 1.3973 | 0.05624 | 146 | 104 | 26 | 16 |
279 | Nothing up my sleeve. Nothing beneath my hat. Nothing they can prove. | 1.3968 | 0.04722 | 189 | 131 | 41 | 17 |
280 | And Presto! The collusion never happened. | 1.3966 | 0.05208 | 174 | 125 | 29 | 20 |
281 | Try to put it out of your mind Miss Capshaw. I admit the version with the rabbit was a mistake. | 1.3964 | 0.05120 | 169 | 119 | 33 | 17 |
282 | And the Oscar goes to...LaLa Land! | 1.3964 | 0.05120 | 169 | 119 | 33 | 17 |
283 | A horrified Ms. Williams looks on as Richard The Amazing unknowingly shreds the REAL Apple stock certificate... | 1.3961 | 0.05560 | 154 | 111 | 25 | 18 |
284 | Next I will pull a rabbit out of a 3D printer! | 1.3956 | 0.04659 | 182 | 124 | 44 | 14 |
285 | Hey, relax. I could've been sawing you in half. | 1.3952 | 0.04380 | 210 | 144 | 49 | 17 |
286 | And abracadabra, the President never had that conversation with Putin. | 1.3941 | 0.05163 | 170 | 121 | 31 | 18 |
287 | The Presto 2000 can double as a shredder or a voting machine. | 1.3941 | 0.04814 | 170 | 116 | 41 | 13 |
288 | Don't try this in the bathtub | 1.3938 | 0.05101 | 160 | 111 | 35 | 14 |
289 | Now for the encore, pulling President Trump's tax return from the shredder! | 1.3929 | 0.04998 | 168 | 117 | 36 | 15 |
290 | They told me I had to stop using a rabbit. | 1.3929 | 0.04779 | 168 | 114 | 42 | 12 |
291 | And with a Gerrymander of my wand, poof, your vote disappears! | 1.3929 | 0.04779 | 168 | 114 | 42 | 12 |
292 | The real trick is to watch it disappear from the Cloud. | 1.3926 | 0.05032 | 163 | 113 | 36 | 14 |
293 | This next trick is called the "Presidential Tax Return" | 1.3926 | 0.05253 | 163 | 116 | 30 | 17 |
294 | These ballot machines are designed for use in elections world-wide. | 1.3925 | 0.04772 | 186 | 130 | 39 | 17 |
295 | Voila! Another absentee ballot mysteriously disappears! | 1.3920 | 0.05031 | 176 | 125 | 33 | 18 |
296 | Abra Kadabra! No more Putin meeting notes. | 1.3920 | 0.05221 | 176 | 128 | 27 | 21 |
297 | When I say the magic word, collusion becomes confetti! COVFEFE! | 1.3918 | 0.04933 | 171 | 119 | 37 | 15 |
298 | I feed the incriminating evidence into the shredder and say the magic words "Total Immunity" | 1.3916 | 0.05182 | 166 | 118 | 31 | 17 |
299 | Believe me ladies and gentlemen, you don't want to see the rabbit version of this illusion. | 1.3911 | 0.04968 | 179 | 127 | 34 | 18 |
300 | I learned this disappearing act from the wizards of Wells Fargo. | 1.3905 | 0.05181 | 169 | 121 | 30 | 18 |
301 | As the new Broward County Elections Supervisor, I declare this new ballot 'acceptable.' | 1.3902 | 0.05227 | 164 | 117 | 30 | 17 |
302 | And jut like that, the translation of the Trump-Putin meeting disappeared | 1.3902 | 0.05227 | 164 | 117 | 30 | 17 |
303 | I, the Great Muellerini, will now unshred the President’s tax return. | 1.3895 | 0.05046 | 172 | 122 | 33 | 17 |
304 | Abracadabra, and just like that... no collusion. | 1.3895 | 0.05046 | 172 | 122 | 33 | 17 |
305 | And now there will be a brief intermission while I testify before the grand jury. | 1.3893 | 0.05447 | 149 | 106 | 28 | 15 |
306 | Now for our next trick, we will need someone from the government. | 1.3892 | 0.05014 | 167 | 117 | 35 | 15 |
307 | And now, dear followers, I will shred this constitution, then magically restore it!!... but without all that “freedom of the press” nonsense.. | 1.3892 | 0.05014 | 167 | 117 | 35 | 15 |
308 | Now watch Mr. President, as I put the notes from your meeting with Vladimir Putin back together again! | 1.3892 | 0.04847 | 185 | 131 | 36 | 18 |
309 | Don't cry, Sweetheart, it's only the Constitution. | 1.3889 | 0.05272 | 162 | 116 | 29 | 17 |
310 | For my next trick; I’ll make these absentee ballots disappear... | 1.3889 | 0.05125 | 162 | 114 | 33 | 15 |
311 | Making the voter disappear is more difficult | 1.3886 | 0.04916 | 175 | 123 | 36 | 16 |
312 | I call this trick “Jury Summons” | 1.3882 | 0.04660 | 170 | 115 | 44 | 11 |
313 | And now for my final act. I will make Banksy's painting reappear. | 1.3882 | 0.05088 | 170 | 121 | 32 | 17 |
314 | Now you are liable. Now you are not. | 1.3873 | 0.05022 | 173 | 123 | 33 | 17 |
315 | This next trick I’m working on for the White House. | 1.3873 | 0.05089 | 173 | 124 | 31 | 18 |
316 | For my next trick, I will re-open the government. | 1.3873 | 0.04955 | 173 | 122 | 35 | 16 |
317 | Oh yes, you're right, much cleaner without the rabbit. | 1.3869 | 0.05061 | 168 | 119 | 33 | 16 |
318 | And thus my personal details are gone forever. And yet not so. Would you please welcome to the stage ... Mr. Mark Zuckerberg. | 1.3869 | 0.04918 | 168 | 117 | 37 | 14 |
319 | I think it’s still clogged with rabbit fur. | 1.3867 | 0.04666 | 181 | 125 | 42 | 14 |
320 | abra cadabra, no collusion | 1.3867 | 0.04922 | 181 | 129 | 34 | 18 |
321 | Been a while since Enron, but it should still work. | 1.3867 | 0.05163 | 150 | 104 | 34 | 12 |
322 | I place the absentee ballot in the voter’s box, and hocus, pocus... | 1.3865 | 0.04632 | 163 | 109 | 45 | 9 |
323 | The real trick is that it's not plugged in. | 1.3864 | 0.04893 | 176 | 124 | 36 | 16 |
324 | Glad we stopped using rabbits. | 1.3861 | 0.05291 | 158 | 113 | 29 | 16 |
325 | The Florida government decided magic would be a more accurate vote tallying method. | 1.3860 | 0.04995 | 171 | 121 | 34 | 16 |
326 | See how I carefully shred the credit card numbers you gave me. Yet before long they will magically reappear buying groceries at a Walmart in Iowa. | 1.3859 | 0.04675 | 184 | 128 | 41 | 15 |
327 | Well, that's the last of the lawsuit from last night's show. Now, do we have any volunteers? | 1.3855 | 0.04832 | 179 | 126 | 37 | 16 |
328 | Every vote counts | 1.3855 | 0.04701 | 179 | 124 | 41 | 14 |
329 | And now, to count the votes we don't like, we are using our new cutting edge "Tab-U-Later". | 1.3846 | 0.05244 | 143 | 99 | 33 | 11 |
330 | And voila! The shredded document will reappear on Wikileaks! | 1.3846 | 0.05036 | 169 | 120 | 33 | 16 |
331 | Pulling out the rabbit is much worse. | 1.3846 | 0.05101 | 156 | 109 | 34 | 13 |
332 | Unfortunately my conversations with Mr Putin are unavailable! | 1.3846 | 0.04774 | 182 | 128 | 38 | 16 |
333 | OSHA says this is the closest we can get to cutting someone in half. | 1.3846 | 0.04748 | 169 | 116 | 41 | 12 |
334 | And now... from out of the shredder... Trump’s tax returns! | 1.3842 | 0.04864 | 190 | 137 | 33 | 20 |
335 | I place the ballot just so, and abracadabra, into the magic vote-counting machine it goes. | 1.3841 | 0.04999 | 164 | 115 | 35 | 14 |
336 | Watch closely as I shred my assistant's restraining order against me. | 1.3837 | 0.04971 | 172 | 122 | 34 | 16 |
337 | I will now fax this never seen before, confidential information to the NY Times. | 1.3832 | 0.04933 | 167 | 117 | 36 | 14 |
338 | This is the very same illusion that I presented to the Florida Election Commission. | 1.3831 | 0.05146 | 154 | 108 | 33 | 13 |
339 | For my next trick, I will unjam the paper! | 1.3826 | 0.05520 | 149 | 108 | 25 | 16 |
340 | And this is why you will NEVER see Donald Trump's tax returns! | 1.3824 | 0.04941 | 170 | 120 | 35 | 15 |
341 | After which I shall disappear to a country with no extradition treaty. | 1.3819 | 0.05121 | 144 | 99 | 35 | 10 |
342 | And now, abrcadabra, there is only a shred of evidence. | 1.3818 | 0.04823 | 165 | 114 | 39 | 12 |
343 | This creates the illusion there was evidence. | 1.3813 | 0.04846 | 160 | 110 | 39 | 11 |
344 | ...and Presto! No Russian interference! | 1.3812 | 0.04977 | 181 | 131 | 31 | 19 |
345 | I call this trick, The Michael Cohen | 1.3810 | 0.04642 | 189 | 133 | 40 | 16 |
346 | Alas, there is just a shred of magic in this trick. | 1.3810 | 0.05228 | 147 | 103 | 32 | 12 |
347 | Alice, your request for pants is denied! | 1.3806 | 0.05200 | 155 | 110 | 31 | 14 |
348 | In professional circles, we call this trick the Russian Donald. | 1.3806 | 0.05280 | 155 | 111 | 29 | 15 |
349 | The rabbit cancelled! | 1.3801 | 0.05055 | 171 | 123 | 31 | 17 |
350 | And presto! We can now blame Obama. | 1.3799 | 0.04825 | 179 | 127 | 36 | 16 |
351 | A magician never reveals his secrets, especially when they're tax-related. | 1.3797 | 0.04718 | 158 | 107 | 42 | 9 |
352 | You should see what my lawyer can do | 1.3795 | 0.04799 | 166 | 115 | 39 | 12 |
353 | What happens in Florida, stays in Florida! | 1.3795 | 0.04565 | 166 | 112 | 45 | 9 |
354 | I will now magically make the Electoral Votes disappear. | 1.3793 | 0.04990 | 174 | 125 | 32 | 17 |
355 | America's Best Magic Trick: Obstruction of Justice | 1.3789 | 0.05057 | 161 | 114 | 33 | 14 |
356 | Place the notes in the box and repeat the magic words "No collusion, no collusion". | 1.3789 | 0.05134 | 161 | 115 | 31 | 15 |
357 | Now you see the evidence aaaand... now you don't. | 1.3785 | 0.04928 | 177 | 127 | 33 | 17 |
358 | I've had to tailor my act a bit for corporate audiences. | 1.3784 | 0.05110 | 148 | 103 | 34 | 11 |
359 | Your caption, as soon as it arrives. | 1.3784 | 0.05458 | 148 | 107 | 26 | 15 |
360 | And out pops Donald Trump's tax returns. | 1.3777 | 0.04716 | 188 | 134 | 37 | 17 |
361 | It's not exactly magic, but it's good enough for government work | 1.3776 | 0.05508 | 143 | 103 | 26 | 14 |
362 | North Carolina ballot box....... | 1.3775 | 0.05125 | 151 | 106 | 33 | 12 |
363 | Now watch the Russian vote trick! | 1.3775 | 0.05377 | 151 | 109 | 27 | 15 |
364 | And presto, our transcribed conversation with Putin is history. | 1.3772 | 0.05140 | 167 | 121 | 29 | 17 |
365 | The Russian interpreter's notes "magically" disappear. | 1.3767 | 0.05064 | 146 | 101 | 35 | 10 |
366 | They made me stop shredding rabbits. | 1.3766 | 0.04882 | 154 | 106 | 38 | 10 |
367 | Some call it magic. Some call it art. But really its just identity theft protection. | 1.3765 | 0.05107 | 162 | 116 | 31 | 15 |
368 | Now you subpoena, now you don’t! | 1.3765 | 0.04877 | 162 | 113 | 37 | 12 |
369 | For my next trick, I will remove all evidence of collusion. | 1.3765 | 0.04862 | 170 | 120 | 36 | 14 |
370 | Well, Susan, this would have been better if your pants hadn’t gone through first. | 1.3763 | 0.04751 | 186 | 133 | 36 | 17 |
371 | So much better without the doves. | 1.3758 | 0.05082 | 149 | 104 | 34 | 11 |
372 | Abracadabra, Hocus pocus, On my taxes, Do not focus. | 1.3758 | 0.05039 | 165 | 118 | 32 | 15 |
373 | Don't worry my dear, your paycheck will magically reappear when my loan magically gets granted. | 1.3757 | 0.04801 | 173 | 122 | 37 | 14 |
374 | ...the trick is NOT getting caught" | 1.3757 | 0.05006 | 173 | 125 | 31 | 17 |
375 | Sometimes sawing it in half just isn't enough. | 1.3750 | 0.04836 | 160 | 111 | 38 | 11 |
376 | For my next trick I will shred Donald Trump's tax return while this Fox anchorwoman assists. Then I magically will be named US Attorney for the 9th Circuit. | 1.3750 | 0.04969 | 184 | 135 | 29 | 20 |
377 | And finally, Aunt Erma's fruit cake recipe. | 1.3750 | 0.05265 | 152 | 109 | 29 | 14 |
378 | and now for a little trick I learned from Banksy | 1.3743 | 0.04790 | 187 | 135 | 34 | 18 |
379 | The rabbits just got too messy. | 1.3743 | 0.04767 | 171 | 120 | 38 | 13 |
380 | I'll just wave my magic wand...and it's as though I never met with any Russians. | 1.3742 | 0.05006 | 163 | 116 | 33 | 14 |
381 | I really need to stop doing shows for the mob. | 1.3735 | 0.04713 | 166 | 115 | 40 | 11 |
382 | And since she refused to be sawn in half, we'll just shred her paycheck instead. | 1.3735 | 0.04940 | 166 | 118 | 34 | 14 |
383 | It seems my wand is jammed. | 1.3735 | 0.05013 | 166 | 119 | 32 | 15 |
384 | The Great Destructo performs at children's parties, audits, and year end closings. | 1.3735 | 0.05013 | 166 | 119 | 32 | 15 |
385 | Another Florida voter exercises his constitutional right. | 1.3734 | 0.05273 | 158 | 115 | 27 | 16 |
386 | I'm not a magician, I'm just the CFO. | 1.3733 | 0.05313 | 150 | 108 | 28 | 14 |
387 | Now you see my paternity test. And now you don't. | 1.3730 | 0.04702 | 185 | 132 | 37 | 16 |
388 | Anyone can make it disappear. But the real trick is to keep it from coming back. | 1.3730 | 0.04511 | 185 | 129 | 43 | 13 |
389 | ...and this is what I like to call ‘practical magic.’ | 1.3728 | 0.04730 | 169 | 118 | 39 | 12 |
390 | I will now make the truth dissapear! | 1.3728 | 0.04948 | 169 | 121 | 33 | 15 |
391 | Rabbits are overdone, I'm pulling paper out of a shredder. | 1.3728 | 0.05019 | 169 | 122 | 31 | 16 |
392 | And presto! No evidence of collusion! | 1.3728 | 0.04876 | 169 | 120 | 35 | 14 |
393 | Abracadabra; with the wave of my wand...."PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY"! | 1.3728 | 0.04804 | 169 | 119 | 37 | 13 |
394 | Presto! The new AG presents Mueller's Russia Report to Congress! | 1.3728 | 0.05088 | 169 | 123 | 29 | 17 |
395 | And now for my assistant’s last shred of dignity. | 1.3728 | 0.04876 | 169 | 120 | 35 | 14 |
396 | Don’t worry folks, these tax returns will reappear as part of the Mueller probe! | 1.3727 | 0.04892 | 161 | 113 | 36 | 12 |
397 | This clogs up the machine much less often than the rabbits did. | 1.3727 | 0.05124 | 161 | 116 | 30 | 15 |
398 | Now watch as I make these Democratic ballots DISAPPEAR! | 1.3722 | 0.04859 | 180 | 130 | 33 | 17 |
399 | And for my next trick, ‘plausible deniability.’ | 1.3720 | 0.04905 | 164 | 116 | 35 | 13 |
400 | The White House is looking forward to our performance. They'll even supply the paper. | 1.3720 | 0.04828 | 164 | 115 | 37 | 12 |
401 | Watch carefully as my tiny hand slides my interpreter's notes into this machine... | 1.3716 | 0.04608 | 183 | 129 | 40 | 14 |
402 | And for my next trick...The Mueller Report. | 1.3714 | 0.04958 | 175 | 127 | 31 | 17 |
403 | Melania...I had an amazing dream about the Muller report. | 1.3714 | 0.04686 | 175 | 123 | 39 | 13 |
404 | Next we saw my accountant in half. | 1.3711 | 0.04684 | 159 | 109 | 41 | 9 |
405 | Voilà! The notes of Trump's meeting with Putin arise from the shredder! | 1.3709 | 0.05199 | 151 | 108 | 30 | 13 |
406 | I consider this to be an act of magical disappearance rather destroying evidence. | 1.3706 | 0.04780 | 170 | 120 | 37 | 13 |
407 | It worked for Banksy. | 1.3704 | 0.04624 | 162 | 111 | 42 | 9 |
408 | ...and VOILA! Donald the Magnificent makes the Constitution disappear! | 1.3704 | 0.05022 | 162 | 116 | 32 | 14 |
409 | Trust me, you don't want to see how I make the rabbits disappear. | 1.3702 | 0.05023 | 181 | 134 | 27 | 20 |
410 | You can't just throw stuff away anymore. You have to make it disappear. | 1.3699 | 0.04577 | 173 | 120 | 42 | 11 |
411 | It seems we have encountered a clump of rabbit hair. | 1.3697 | 0.05174 | 165 | 121 | 27 | 17 |
412 | Don’t worry, it’s just the Constitution. | 1.3694 | 0.05055 | 157 | 112 | 32 | 13 |
413 | And now.... for the final trick...the constitution of the United State of America will pass through the oval Office shredder in one piece. Oops. | 1.3692 | 0.04405 | 195 | 137 | 44 | 14 |
414 | And now...the transcript of the Trump-Putin summit! | 1.3690 | 0.05035 | 168 | 122 | 30 | 16 |
415 | And now, I will make my conversations with the Russians disappear. | 1.3687 | 0.05141 | 160 | 116 | 29 | 15 |
416 | Tell Mr Trump not to worry about a thing. | 1.3687 | 0.05124 | 179 | 134 | 24 | 21 |
417 | And they say my statements don't contain a shred of truth. | 1.3684 | 0.04757 | 171 | 121 | 37 | 13 |
418 | I’m glad we stopped using rabbits. | 1.3681 | 0.04750 | 182 | 131 | 35 | 16 |
419 | And that completes my taxes for 2018. | 1.3681 | 0.04686 | 182 | 130 | 37 | 15 |
420 | For my next trick, I'm going to make some copies. | 1.3681 | 0.04683 | 163 | 113 | 40 | 10 |
421 | Counting the Vote in 21th Century America | 1.3681 | 0.04920 | 163 | 116 | 34 | 13 |
422 | Well, we don't have much of an act MayBelle, but it takes care of the bills. | 1.3681 | 0.05071 | 163 | 118 | 30 | 15 |
423 | And now, by the power of congress, let your paycheck disappear! | 1.3681 | 0.05284 | 144 | 103 | 29 | 12 |
424 | How about a big hand for my lovely accomplice?! | 1.3677 | 0.04931 | 155 | 109 | 35 | 11 |
425 | What is shredded, shall not be dreaded. | 1.3677 | 0.05180 | 155 | 112 | 29 | 14 |
426 | Now there is no collusion! | 1.3676 | 0.04437 | 185 | 129 | 44 | 12 |
427 | For only $19.95 you can get this amazing shredder, toaster, compacter purse and, if you call within the next ten minutes, at no extra cost, we’ll throw in this stick I’m holding absolutely free! | 1.3675 | 0.04780 | 166 | 117 | 37 | 12 |
428 | Behold, I have un-shredded the interpreter notes from Trump's private one-on-one with Putin. | 1.3673 | 0.05116 | 147 | 104 | 32 | 11 |
429 | I tried this with a rabbit and let’s just say it didn’t go very well. | 1.3672 | 0.04778 | 177 | 127 | 35 | 15 |
430 | And with a wave of my wand, I can make anyone's taxes look just like the President's" | 1.3671 | 0.05107 | 158 | 114 | 30 | 14 |
431 | I’m shredding my rabbit’s letter of resignation. | 1.3669 | 0.04867 | 169 | 121 | 34 | 14 |
432 | And now I will magically change a presidential speech into tweets. | 1.3669 | 0.04939 | 169 | 122 | 32 | 15 |
433 | This is a trick I learned from some of our politicians. It's called, "Now you see it, soon you won't | 1.3667 | 0.04654 | 180 | 128 | 38 | 14 |
434 | And my lovely assistant will hide the interpreter's notes from my meeting with Putin in a very safe place ... | 1.3663 | 0.05013 | 172 | 126 | 29 | 17 |
435 | Florida's newest ballot box assures... no more recounts! | 1.3659 | 0.04895 | 164 | 117 | 34 | 13 |
436 | And now I will make this ballot disappear! | 1.3657 | 0.04883 | 175 | 127 | 32 | 16 |
437 | No magic, just always wanted to do this to my tax return. | 1.3657 | 0.04746 | 175 | 125 | 36 | 14 |
438 | And magically, without even the slightest reference to politics, we will make this document disappear... | 1.3657 | 0.04677 | 175 | 124 | 38 | 13 |
439 | Again, this is her only copy... | 1.3655 | 0.05162 | 145 | 103 | 31 | 11 |
440 | My next trick involves no magic. My ballot disappears by itself when I insert it into a voting machine from Broward County. | 1.3653 | 0.04979 | 167 | 121 | 31 | 15 |
441 | Ta-da! No collusion! | 1.3652 | 0.04689 | 178 | 127 | 37 | 14 |
442 | Subpoena? What subpoena? | 1.3652 | 0.04756 | 178 | 128 | 35 | 15 |
443 | And now for the election results! | 1.3650 | 0.04437 | 200 | 143 | 41 | 16 |
444 | NO COLLUSION! | 1.3649 | 0.05087 | 148 | 105 | 32 | 11 |
445 | This won't work with rabbits and pigeons. | 1.3648 | 0.04921 | 159 | 113 | 34 | 12 |
446 | For my next trick I will make my assistant’s sexual harassment lawsuit disappear. | 1.3648 | 0.05080 | 159 | 115 | 30 | 14 |
447 | And just like magic, your vote stays secret! | 1.3648 | 0.05002 | 159 | 114 | 32 | 13 |
448 | Some of you may want to look away while I next do this with the rabbit. | 1.3647 | 0.04771 | 170 | 121 | 36 | 13 |
449 | ..I simply place this into the magic suggestion box.. | 1.3647 | 0.04771 | 170 | 121 | 36 | 13 |
450 | Behold, as I shred the Constitution with my tiny hands, everyone's rights will disappear. | 1.3647 | 0.04914 | 170 | 123 | 32 | 15 |
451 | I work for the White House | 1.3642 | 0.04712 | 173 | 123 | 37 | 13 |
452 | And here is how I make the translator's notes disappear. | 1.3642 | 0.04989 | 173 | 127 | 29 | 17 |
453 | And voila, no collusion. | 1.3641 | 0.04893 | 184 | 136 | 29 | 19 |
454 | Environmental regulations. Now you see them | 1.3641 | 0.04707 | 184 | 133 | 35 | 16 |
455 | And Banksy, this is your check for that piece I bought at auction! | 1.3641 | 0.04744 | 195 | 144 | 31 | 20 |
456 | A magician never reveals his bank statements. | 1.3636 | 0.05016 | 143 | 100 | 34 | 9 |
457 | Magician by night, tax specialist by day. Similar skill sets. | 1.3636 | 0.04367 | 176 | 121 | 46 | 9 |
458 | And now, I'll extract Trump's tax returns from the shredder. | 1.3636 | 0.05375 | 165 | 125 | 20 | 20 |
459 | This is the test of the new ballot box for 2020 | 1.3636 | 0.05278 | 154 | 113 | 26 | 15 |
460 | Honestly, we'd do anything to amuse the cat. | 1.3631 | 0.04390 | 179 | 124 | 45 | 10 |
461 | Well, I don't do this one with the rabbit anymore. | 1.3626 | 0.04612 | 182 | 130 | 38 | 14 |
462 | My rabbit is on strike. | 1.3626 | 0.04890 | 171 | 124 | 32 | 15 |
463 | Watch carefully as I shred the last of my dignity and self respect | 1.3626 | 0.04674 | 171 | 121 | 38 | 12 |
464 | And now a little trick I learned from Banksy... | 1.3621 | 0.04897 | 174 | 127 | 31 | 16 |
465 | Now watch me make my lovely assistant's sexual harassment claim disappear. | 1.3620 | 0.04986 | 163 | 118 | 31 | 14 |
466 | And now, ladies and gentlemen of the House of Representatives—out of my MAGIC REVERSE SHREDDER—Donald Trump’s tax returns! | 1.3620 | 0.04832 | 163 | 116 | 35 | 12 |
467 | As the President's personal magician I shall now make this subpoena disappear. | 1.3616 | 0.04702 | 177 | 127 | 36 | 14 |
468 | The inspiration for this next trick came to me during a recent IRS audit ... | 1.3616 | 0.04563 | 177 | 125 | 40 | 12 |
469 | My friend Banksy taught me this one. | 1.3616 | 0.04702 | 177 | 127 | 36 | 14 |
470 | For my first trick as Attorney General, I'll make Mueller's report disappear! | 1.3613 | 0.05249 | 155 | 114 | 26 | 15 |
471 | And now, I will pull the President's tax returns magically from the shredder! | 1.3613 | 0.05328 | 155 | 115 | 24 | 16 |
472 | Abracadabra let’s bring back those shredded notes from the Trump-Putin meeting! | 1.3613 | 0.05249 | 155 | 114 | 26 | 15 |
473 | The secret to this trick is to never exceed more than 10 sheets. | 1.3611 | 0.04370 | 180 | 125 | 45 | 10 |
474 | And now you know why we don't use a rabbit anymore. | 1.3611 | 0.04712 | 180 | 130 | 35 | 15 |
475 | Presto-changeo -- I now qualify for a cabinet position. | 1.3609 | 0.04635 | 169 | 119 | 39 | 11 |
476 | and now.... the Mueller report!! | 1.3609 | 0.04784 | 169 | 121 | 35 | 13 |
477 | Am I voting or shredding? | 1.3608 | 0.05097 | 158 | 115 | 29 | 14 |
478 | The real magic is unjamming it. | 1.3608 | 0.04770 | 158 | 111 | 37 | 10 |
479 | As you requested, Mr. President, I shall now make your taxes disappear. | 1.3605 | 0.05370 | 147 | 108 | 25 | 14 |
480 | I perfected this next trick as part of my plea deal. | 1.3605 | 0.04866 | 172 | 125 | 32 | 15 |
481 | And now, ladies and gentlemen I, The Great Dlanod, will draw your attention away from my tiny hands by placing this Bill of Rights into my magical alternative-facts casket. | 1.3602 | 0.05179 | 161 | 119 | 26 | 16 |
482 | And now, the Presidential tax return trick! | 1.3600 | 0.04737 | 175 | 126 | 35 | 14 |
483 | Redaction is now complete. Please forward this to the Senate. | 1.3600 | 0.04873 | 175 | 128 | 31 | 16 |
484 | There. And remember: not a word to Pelosi. | 1.3600 | 0.04667 | 175 | 125 | 37 | 13 |
485 | Now you see the Mueller Report; now you don't. | 1.3600 | 0.04737 | 175 | 126 | 35 | 14 |
486 | And by the second act, the annual office talent show hit a new low | 1.3598 | 0.04549 | 189 | 136 | 38 | 15 |
487 | Oooh that’s a strange noise. Do you have the rabbit? | 1.3595 | 0.04693 | 153 | 106 | 39 | 8 |
488 | This is one I learned from Banksy. | 1.3593 | 0.04969 | 167 | 122 | 30 | 15 |
489 | And, presto! Magician Mueller will reconstruct this into an indictment. | 1.3591 | 0.04350 | 181 | 126 | 45 | 10 |
490 | For my next trick, I will turn this original copy of the Constitution into a rabbit. | 1.3590 | 0.05220 | 156 | 115 | 26 | 15 |
491 | It's very important that all my campaign promises are shredded-- twice. | 1.3590 | 0.05220 | 156 | 115 | 26 | 15 |
492 | Banksy taught me this one. | 1.3588 | 0.04687 | 170 | 121 | 37 | 12 |
493 | And presto, your vote in the 2016 presidential election never happened. | 1.3588 | 0.04975 | 170 | 125 | 29 | 16 |
494 | And now after shredding and deletion, this message will reappear in the inboxes of all your business contacts. | 1.3585 | 0.05300 | 159 | 119 | 23 | 17 |
495 | Now watch as I make my beautiful assistant's sexual harassment complaint . . . disappear! | 1.3585 | 0.04486 | 159 | 109 | 43 | 7 |
496 | Watch.....as I magically make your legal problems disappear. | 1.3584 | 0.04912 | 173 | 127 | 30 | 16 |
497 | Keep in mind that every vote counts. | 1.3584 | 0.04407 | 173 | 120 | 44 | 9 |
498 | Please tell me you didn't actually plug it in. | 1.3581 | 0.04890 | 148 | 104 | 35 | 9 |
499 | Now watch as the notes from my pre-election meeting with certain Russian individuals magically becomes a plea bargain agreement. | 1.3580 | 0.04684 | 162 | 114 | 38 | 10 |
500 | Shredder, shredder, so efficient, make it look as though I didn’t. | 1.3580 | 0.05152 | 162 | 120 | 26 | 16 |
501 | And now, I will saw Karen's college diploma into two thousand equally useful pieces. | 1.3580 | 0.05226 | 162 | 121 | 24 | 17 |
502 | Watch carefully as I audit the President's tax form. | 1.3576 | 0.05296 | 165 | 125 | 21 | 19 |
503 | And now I am magically cleared of all liability. | 1.3575 | 0.04539 | 193 | 140 | 37 | 16 |
504 | Watch as my translator’s notes vanish into thin air, with no collusion whatsoever. | 1.3571 | 0.05103 | 154 | 112 | 29 | 13 |
505 | And then we say the magic words, "North Carolina's Ninth District." | 1.3571 | 0.04944 | 168 | 123 | 30 | 15 |
506 | Keep a copy? No no, Mr. Trump assures us no one will ever request his tax returns. | 1.3571 | 0.05186 | 154 | 113 | 27 | 14 |
507 | For my final trick, I will need our marriage license. | 1.3571 | 0.04921 | 182 | 136 | 27 | 19 |
508 | Voila! the next State of the Union Speech made coherent! | 1.3571 | 0.05267 | 154 | 114 | 25 | 15 |
509 | Voila! There’s not a shred of evidence against me! | 1.3571 | 0.04797 | 168 | 121 | 34 | 13 |
510 | A magician never reveals his tax returns. | 1.3568 | 0.04614 | 185 | 134 | 36 | 15 |
511 | If this doesn't reappear, then I'm in serious legal trouble. | 1.3567 | 0.04514 | 171 | 120 | 41 | 10 |
512 | And with a flourish, the Great Trumpioso made the meeting notes disappear | 1.3567 | 0.05155 | 171 | 129 | 23 | 19 |
513 | Don’t worry, Kelly Anne, this is alternative archival of presidential records. | 1.3567 | 0.04664 | 171 | 122 | 37 | 12 |
514 | I will now ask my assistant to reach into the shredder to retrieve her liability waiver. | 1.3563 | 0.04750 | 174 | 126 | 34 | 14 |
515 | Eh, voilà; the translator’s notes disappear! | 1.3563 | 0.04608 | 174 | 124 | 38 | 12 |
516 | And there you have it folks - a paperless office. | 1.3563 | 0.04819 | 174 | 127 | 32 | 15 |
517 | And that’s how the votes were counted in 2016. | 1.3563 | 0.04750 | 174 | 126 | 34 | 14 |
518 | Now folks, watch carefully as I turn these ordinary translator's notes into a subpoena from the Special Counsel. | 1.3562 | 0.04964 | 160 | 116 | 31 | 13 |
519 | Before I make the rabbit appear, let me just dispose of this meddlesome summons from the ASPCA. | 1.3562 | 0.04884 | 160 | 115 | 33 | 12 |
520 | I call this next trick: "The accountant." | 1.3559 | 0.04482 | 177 | 125 | 41 | 11 |
521 | And in just two seconds the unwanted absentee ballot vanishes! | 1.3558 | 0.05125 | 163 | 121 | 26 | 16 |
522 | For my next trick I'll be disappearing --right after this subpoena | 1.3558 | 0.04975 | 163 | 119 | 30 | 14 |
523 | Last nights tweets from the twit. | 1.3558 | 0.04564 | 208 | 155 | 32 | 21 |
524 | Watch closely as this document and your magician's chances for indictment disappear. | 1.3557 | 0.05223 | 149 | 109 | 27 | 13 |
525 | By the way, this model is available at the White House gift shop | 1.3556 | 0.04568 | 180 | 129 | 38 | 13 |
526 | If you make it disappear on stage, it doesn't count as corporate fraud. | 1.3554 | 0.04759 | 166 | 119 | 35 | 12 |
527 | We do birthdays, bankruptcies and ballots! | 1.3554 | 0.04835 | 166 | 120 | 33 | 13 |
528 | And for my next trick, my assistant and I will disappear to an offshore tax haven. | 1.3554 | 0.04358 | 166 | 114 | 45 | 7 |
529 | So, ladies and gentlemen of the Grand Jury, when it comes to documentary evidence, it depends on what the meaning of "destroy" is. | 1.3553 | 0.04797 | 152 | 107 | 36 | 9 |
530 | Now, I shall attempt to recover Trump's tax returns. | 1.3550 | 0.04774 | 169 | 122 | 34 | 13 |
531 | I place the words describing a rabbit into the box. | 1.3550 | 0.04774 | 169 | 122 | 34 | 13 |
532 | Watch your mail-in ballot disappear. | 1.3548 | 0.04821 | 155 | 110 | 35 | 10 |
533 | On my signal, make that annoying whirring noise. | 1.3547 | 0.04416 | 172 | 120 | 43 | 9 |
534 | Not a shred of evidence will remain from this trick. | 1.3547 | 0.04493 | 172 | 121 | 41 | 10 |
535 | Here at Fred's School of Magic we like to start simple and work our way up. | 1.3544 | 0.04924 | 158 | 114 | 32 | 12 |
536 | why force your dog to eat your homework when for 29.99 you can order the chewmatic 3000? | 1.3543 | 0.04440 | 175 | 123 | 42 | 10 |
537 | And for my next trick, I’ll be pulling an alibi out of my hat! | 1.3543 | 0.04727 | 175 | 127 | 34 | 14 |
538 | So, Anya, I just put the ballot in the ballot box like so, and Voila! | 1.3540 | 0.04697 | 161 | 114 | 37 | 10 |
539 | And that's the last of Trump's tax returns. | 1.3539 | 0.04869 | 178 | 132 | 29 | 17 |
540 | Next the great Trumpini, with the aid of my lovely assistant Ivanka, will shred the Constitution! | 1.3539 | 0.04601 | 178 | 128 | 37 | 13 |
541 | This worked for Banksy, didn't it? | 1.3537 | 0.04717 | 164 | 117 | 36 | 11 |
542 | Auditcadbra! | 1.3537 | 0.05025 | 164 | 121 | 28 | 15 |
543 | We couldn't afford to make a real rabbit disappear so this is a copy of the last page of Watership Down | 1.3536 | 0.04547 | 181 | 130 | 38 | 13 |
544 | Hope this works out better than the rabbit. | 1.3536 | 0.04340 | 181 | 127 | 44 | 10 |
545 | See? I told you it would be less messy using paper instead of a rabbit | 1.3533 | 0.04735 | 167 | 120 | 35 | 12 |
546 | Ballot box, shredder...there's a difference? | 1.3533 | 0.04735 | 167 | 120 | 35 | 12 |
547 | And now the Amazing Giulani will--- presto chango--- turn the evidence into confetti! | 1.3529 | 0.04368 | 170 | 118 | 44 | 8 |
548 | And hocus pocus...What subpoena? | 1.3526 | 0.04619 | 173 | 124 | 37 | 12 |
549 | Vote here, you say? | 1.3526 | 0.04546 | 173 | 123 | 39 | 11 |
550 | And this is what happens to your popular vote. | 1.3526 | 0.04546 | 173 | 123 | 39 | 11 |
551 | If this is anything like the rabbit, we’re going to need a mop. | 1.3526 | 0.04833 | 173 | 127 | 31 | 15 |
552 | Hmmmm. I forget. What’s ‘abracadabra’ in Russian? | 1.3526 | 0.04396 | 173 | 121 | 43 | 9 |
553 | And for my next trick, I'll make your sexual discrimination complaint disappear. | 1.3526 | 0.04318 | 173 | 120 | 45 | 8 |
554 | The people at the White House loved this trick- "Disappearing Meeting Notes!" | 1.3523 | 0.04564 | 176 | 126 | 38 | 12 |
555 | I can make 300,000 ballots disappear. Just like that! | 1.3523 | 0.04492 | 176 | 125 | 40 | 11 |
556 | First, I insert my New Year's resolutions... | 1.3523 | 0.04704 | 176 | 128 | 34 | 14 |
557 | Here it comes, out of the amazing unshredder, Donald Trump's tax returns! | 1.3522 | 0.05058 | 159 | 117 | 28 | 14 |
558 | And for my next trick: The Bansky! | 1.3520 | 0.04511 | 179 | 128 | 39 | 12 |
559 | A magician never reveals his tricks. Or his tax returns. | 1.3517 | 0.04945 | 145 | 103 | 33 | 9 |
560 | As you can see, I am shredding the Constitution. FYI: This is not a trick. I work in the White House. | 1.3512 | 0.05005 | 168 | 125 | 27 | 16 |
561 | Presto! It’s the UNshredder! Politicians, beware! | 1.3512 | 0.04933 | 168 | 124 | 29 | 15 |
562 | Magicians' Rule No. 5: Before attempting to saw your assistant in half and then put her back together, practice with a sheet of paper. | 1.3512 | 0.04399 | 168 | 117 | 43 | 8 |
563 | ...and now I hope this will go better than the pigeon routine. | 1.3509 | 0.04870 | 171 | 126 | 30 | 15 |
564 | Now you see the Trump tax return and now you dont | 1.3509 | 0.04799 | 171 | 125 | 32 | 14 |
565 | And now for my next trick,watch me make all the other entries for the New Yorker cartoon caption contest disappear | 1.3506 | 0.05007 | 154 | 112 | 30 | 12 |
566 | Say the magic words with me...'Interpreter notes, become fodder for goats!' | 1.3506 | 0.04921 | 154 | 111 | 32 | 11 |
567 | I sense it is Trump's translator's notes. | 1.3506 | 0.04878 | 174 | 129 | 29 | 16 |
568 | What I'd really like to shred are these ridiculous gender roles. | 1.3506 | 0.04809 | 174 | 128 | 31 | 15 |
569 | Oh No! There goes the instructions of how to do this trick. | 1.3503 | 0.04770 | 157 | 112 | 35 | 10 |
570 | It’s the President’s favorite routine. | 1.3503 | 0.04817 | 177 | 131 | 30 | 16 |
571 | Again, you really don't need me for this. | 1.3500 | 0.04490 | 180 | 129 | 39 | 12 |
572 | You should have seen what a mess I made of that rabbit! | 1.3500 | 0.04873 | 160 | 116 | 32 | 12 |
573 | And now, I will transform this ordinary piece of paper into a magnificent work of art. | 1.3497 | 0.04730 | 163 | 117 | 35 | 11 |
574 | Ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick I give you the Mueller Report! | 1.3495 | 0.04583 | 186 | 136 | 35 | 15 |
575 | I was advised to dress for the job I want, not the one I have. | 1.3494 | 0.04899 | 166 | 122 | 30 | 14 |
576 | This is what you can do with a Harvard diploma in "magic studies"! | 1.3494 | 0.04670 | 166 | 119 | 36 | 11 |
577 | Now watch as I make this tax return disappear and then become President. | 1.3494 | 0.04748 | 166 | 120 | 34 | 12 |
578 | Presto-change-o... No collusion! | 1.3494 | 0.04973 | 166 | 123 | 28 | 15 |
579 | You were right: this trick works so much better without the rabbit! | 1.3494 | 0.04591 | 166 | 118 | 38 | 10 |
580 | And with a tap of the wand an ordinary novel becomes...a screenplay! | 1.3493 | 0.05287 | 146 | 108 | 25 | 13 |
581 | And now I will demonstrate the voting system in Venezuela. | 1.3491 | 0.04688 | 169 | 122 | 35 | 12 |
582 | Just kidding--- this is not a White House document. | 1.3490 | 0.04294 | 192 | 137 | 43 | 12 |
583 | Okay, if you’re asked to testify, this was a magic trick. | 1.3487 | 0.04962 | 152 | 110 | 31 | 11 |
584 | You know what? I just realized how small my hands are. | 1.3483 | 0.04794 | 178 | 132 | 30 | 16 |
585 | I wave my wand and, as we reverse the shredder we see...it looks like... Why, we seem to have a written transcript of the Trump Tower meeting! | 1.3483 | 0.04521 | 178 | 128 | 38 | 12 |
586 | Better shred than read. | 1.3483 | 0.04306 | 178 | 125 | 44 | 9 |
587 | Presto, shredded tweet. | 1.3481 | 0.05074 | 158 | 117 | 27 | 14 |
588 | You should have seen what happened to the rabbit. | 1.3481 | 0.04829 | 158 | 114 | 33 | 11 |
589 | Republican voting ballot instructions. | 1.3478 | 0.04847 | 161 | 117 | 32 | 12 |
590 | And now the Russia investigation findings will magicially disappear! | 1.3478 | 0.04616 | 184 | 135 | 34 | 15 |
591 | Now to shred the Russian interpreter's notes. | 1.3478 | 0.04847 | 161 | 117 | 32 | 12 |
592 | Voila! A paper jam. | 1.3478 | 0.04485 | 184 | 133 | 38 | 13 |
593 | Another letter from feminists complaining about the outfit I make you wear. | 1.3476 | 0.04784 | 164 | 119 | 33 | 12 |
594 | And voila! One vote becomes many. | 1.3476 | 0.04705 | 164 | 118 | 35 | 11 |
595 | And now I'd like to show you a little trick I call, "The Plausible Denial" ... | 1.3476 | 0.04290 | 164 | 113 | 45 | 6 |
596 | As I wave the magic wand, my taxable income is reduced by half. | 1.3475 | 0.04930 | 141 | 100 | 33 | 8 |
597 | You say that this is the Broward County ballot box model? | 1.3473 | 0.04647 | 167 | 120 | 36 | 11 |
598 | "The act was much better before PETA nixed the rabbits." | 1.3473 | 0.04325 | 167 | 116 | 44 | 7 |
599 | AUDIT-CADABRA! Now be amazed as these extraordinarily incriminating tax returns from 2010-2015 miraculously transform into ordinary hamster cage lining. | 1.3473 | 0.04647 | 167 | 120 | 36 | 11 |
600 | Abracadabra! And see the Constitution disappear before your very eyes! | 1.3473 | 0.04799 | 167 | 122 | 32 | 13 |
601 | Before the government shutdown I was a Russian translator for the president. | 1.3473 | 0.04799 | 167 | 122 | 32 | 13 |
602 | Ex uno plures—out of one, many. | 1.3473 | 0.04799 | 167 | 122 | 32 | 13 |
603 | Ánd now, the President’s tax returns! | 1.3472 | 0.04400 | 193 | 140 | 39 | 14 |
604 | And here it is....completely restored, and back in its original condition.....the president's tax return. | 1.3471 | 0.04812 | 170 | 125 | 31 | 14 |
605 | For my next trick, I'll shred my last trick. | 1.3468 | 0.04752 | 173 | 127 | 32 | 14 |
606 | I will now shred this document and come up woth a completely different set of facts. | 1.3467 | 0.04822 | 150 | 107 | 34 | 9 |
607 | Pick a redacted memo, any redacted memo. | 1.3466 | 0.04553 | 176 | 127 | 37 | 12 |
608 | I hope you backed up everything to the Cloud | 1.3465 | 0.04204 | 202 | 145 | 44 | 13 |
609 | I will now turn this worthless conceptual artwork into a Banksy | 1.3462 | 0.04903 | 182 | 138 | 25 | 19 |
610 | A good accountant? No. I am a MAGNIFICENT accountant! | 1.3459 | 0.04595 | 185 | 136 | 34 | 15 |
611 | The real trick, and most of the show, is when I put it back together. | 1.3459 | 0.04967 | 159 | 117 | 29 | 13 |
612 | And presto! I'm eligible to run for president! | 1.3459 | 0.04967 | 159 | 117 | 29 | 13 |
613 | A real magician never reveals his tax returns. | 1.3459 | 0.04886 | 159 | 116 | 31 | 12 |
614 | Subpoena this, Mr. Special Counsel. | 1.3457 | 0.04542 | 188 | 138 | 35 | 15 |
615 | Watch carefully as I, the Great El Trumpo, shred the Constitution before miraculously turning it into 20% off KFC coupon! | 1.3457 | 0.05204 | 162 | 123 | 22 | 17 |
616 | And now, the receipt for the Banksy! | 1.3455 | 0.05061 | 165 | 124 | 25 | 16 |
617 | Now watch while I make your vote magically disappear... | 1.3455 | 0.04837 | 165 | 121 | 31 | 13 |
618 | You are furloughed until further notice. Here is your paycheck. | 1.3452 | 0.04700 | 168 | 122 | 34 | 12 |
619 | You sure rabbits eat shredded paper? He's awfully quiet | 1.3452 | 0.04775 | 168 | 123 | 32 | 13 |
620 | Abracadabra, the Russian Interpreter’s notes have disappeared! | 1.3448 | 0.04867 | 174 | 130 | 28 | 16 |
621 | And voila, the translator's notes are gone. | 1.3448 | 0.04729 | 174 | 128 | 32 | 14 |
622 | And yet by printing just one page I have triggered the low ink level warning. | 1.3446 | 0.04740 | 177 | 131 | 31 | 15 |
623 | No worries, Ivanka. I'm shredding the last bit of our decency before I meet with Mueller. | 1.3446 | 0.04671 | 177 | 130 | 33 | 14 |
624 | And that, Mrs. Clinton, is how one recovers an email. | 1.3446 | 0.04807 | 177 | 132 | 29 | 16 |
625 | And now, I will make this subpoena... disappear! | 1.3446 | 0.05138 | 148 | 109 | 27 | 12 |
626 | For my next trick, I will attempt to turn one large piece of paper into many small pieces of paper. | 1.3444 | 0.04193 | 180 | 126 | 46 | 8 |
627 | Great, a Republican vote polling place! | 1.3442 | 0.05161 | 154 | 115 | 25 | 14 |
628 | To the Federal Worker, " Abracadabra there goes your pay check" | 1.3439 | 0.04757 | 157 | 113 | 34 | 10 |
629 | Now ,watch me make this parking ticket disappear. | 1.3439 | 0.04757 | 157 | 113 | 34 | 10 |
630 | Please observe that at no time does the shredder leave its cord. | 1.3438 | 0.04779 | 160 | 116 | 33 | 11 |
631 | Our Secretary of State has just completed processing Absentee and Early Voting ballots. | 1.3436 | 0.04952 | 163 | 121 | 28 | 14 |
632 | I call it "practical magic." | 1.3436 | 0.05103 | 163 | 123 | 24 | 16 |
633 | And with this, I thee shred." | 1.3436 | 0.04952 | 163 | 121 | 28 | 14 |
634 | It's tough developing an impressive current-day magic routine now that sawing you in half is considered offensive. | 1.3434 | 0.04736 | 166 | 121 | 33 | 12 |
635 | The invitation to your sister's third wedding goes in the magic box and... | 1.3432 | 0.04365 | 169 | 119 | 42 | 8 |
636 | I will make Democratic votes disappear in Florida and Georgia. | 1.3430 | 0.04545 | 172 | 124 | 37 | 11 |
637 | Absentee ballots! | 1.3429 | 0.04706 | 175 | 129 | 32 | 14 |
638 | The magic word is "nondisclosure." | 1.3427 | 0.04973 | 143 | 103 | 31 | 9 |
639 | And, after I shred this secret document, my assistant, Ekaterina in Moscow, will read it back to us in its entirety. | 1.3425 | 0.05183 | 146 | 108 | 26 | 12 |
640 | For my next trick I shall make the election results disappear. | 1.3425 | 0.05274 | 146 | 109 | 24 | 13 |
641 | Folks, this is an ordinary absentee ballot, collected from a North Carolina resident by my lovely assistant...watch as I make it disappear! | 1.3424 | 0.04475 | 184 | 134 | 37 | 13 |
642 | And for my next trick, your links to Russia will disappear | 1.3423 | 0.05283 | 149 | 112 | 23 | 14 |
643 | Unshred , unshred | 1.3422 | 0.04425 | 187 | 136 | 38 | 13 |
644 | So that, shareholders, concludes the investigation of my malfeasance. | 1.3421 | 0.04376 | 190 | 138 | 39 | 13 |
645 | We feed the interpreter's notes into the magic box... and voila! There is no collusion. | 1.3421 | 0.05036 | 152 | 112 | 28 | 12 |
646 | Abracadabra! You’re now an accomplice. | 1.3419 | 0.04525 | 155 | 109 | 39 | 7 |
647 | The Amazing Mueller will now make the Trump tax returns reappear | 1.3418 | 0.04899 | 158 | 116 | 30 | 12 |
648 | And now I will change a piece of paper into plausible denial. | 1.3418 | 0.04816 | 158 | 115 | 32 | 11 |
649 | Forget sawing a woman in half. Watch closely as I shred this ordinary sheet of paper and create a million dollar work of art. | 1.3418 | 0.04469 | 158 | 111 | 40 | 7 |
650 | After a slight mishap, The Great Shredo will no longer be using rabbits in his act. | 1.3416 | 0.04835 | 161 | 118 | 31 | 12 |
651 | I learned this trick from my accountant. First, I file my taxes here. Then, presto! I pull a refund out of my hat. | 1.3416 | 0.04587 | 161 | 115 | 37 | 9 |
652 | And now, Giuliani-ini the Great shreds yet another set of Mueller questions... | 1.3415 | 0.04266 | 205 | 150 | 40 | 15 |
653 | And then, like magic, I will reconstruct President Trump’s tax return. | 1.3413 | 0.04788 | 167 | 123 | 31 | 13 |
654 | Pick a shred, any shred. | 1.3412 | 0.04801 | 170 | 126 | 30 | 14 |
655 | And now, watch as I saw my assistant's benefit package in half | 1.3412 | 0.04801 | 170 | 126 | 30 | 14 |
656 | Behold! The Electoral College will now tally the ballot. | 1.3412 | 0.04728 | 170 | 125 | 32 | 13 |
657 | A good magician never does his taxes. | 1.3409 | 0.04613 | 176 | 129 | 34 | 13 |
658 | Voila! Without my knowledge or approval, my assistant will make evidence of my payments to a porn star disappear! | 1.3408 | 0.04419 | 179 | 129 | 39 | 11 |
659 | It's not really magic, but it will make a few things disappear. | 1.3403 | 0.05136 | 144 | 106 | 27 | 11 |
660 | And now here's one you can try at home | 1.3401 | 0.04969 | 147 | 107 | 30 | 10 |
661 | The magic? It also shreds all digital copies anywhere. | 1.3401 | 0.04969 | 147 | 107 | 30 | 10 |
662 | Voila -- the missing ballot is now intact! | 1.3401 | 0.05062 | 147 | 108 | 28 | 11 |
663 | ... and now, Mr Trump, with just a wave of my wand, your tax returns disappear. | 1.3399 | 0.04921 | 153 | 112 | 30 | 11 |
664 | Prior to sawing my lovely assistant in half, I present her with my personal guarantee for her safety. | 1.3397 | 0.04314 | 156 | 108 | 43 | 5 |
665 | For my next trick, I will make an auditor appear out of thin air. | 1.3396 | 0.05112 | 159 | 120 | 24 | 15 |
666 | And in a final irony, I shall make the warrant for failure to appear, disappear! | 1.3396 | 0.04707 | 159 | 115 | 34 | 10 |
667 | A magician never tells his secrets to the I.R.S. | 1.3395 | 0.04564 | 162 | 116 | 37 | 9 |
668 | What do you mean I have to make it reappear? | 1.3393 | 0.04763 | 168 | 124 | 31 | 13 |
669 | Whitehouse archives. | 1.3392 | 0.04630 | 171 | 125 | 34 | 12 |
670 | Magician files his tax returns! | 1.3392 | 0.04848 | 171 | 128 | 28 | 15 |
671 | But does Mr Trump know that is the Constitution? | 1.3390 | 0.04863 | 177 | 134 | 26 | 17 |
672 | And now, I'll make the Russian translater's notes disappear, | 1.3388 | 0.04485 | 183 | 134 | 36 | 13 |
673 | And poof! - no more prenup. | 1.3378 | 0.04847 | 148 | 107 | 32 | 9 |
674 | First we shred your Magician's "Thou-Shall-Do-No Harm" Contract and then we saw you in half. | 1.3377 | 0.05051 | 151 | 112 | 27 | 12 |
675 | I tried this with a rabbit but it was a little messy. | 1.3376 | 0.04386 | 157 | 110 | 41 | 6 |
676 | If this is not what you were expecting, please direct your grievances toward my wife here who thinks the "woman cut in half" is too degrading. | 1.3375 | 0.04766 | 160 | 117 | 32 | 11 |
677 | It's not magic, but it is better than eating the evidence. | 1.3375 | 0.04847 | 160 | 118 | 30 | 12 |
678 | And for my last trick, I will make truth disappear. | 1.3375 | 0.04766 | 160 | 117 | 32 | 11 |
679 | Presto-Chango: The "Reverse Shredder" re-constructs the President's tax return. | 1.3375 | 0.04682 | 160 | 116 | 34 | 10 |
680 | And for my next trick, I'll make 2018 disappear. | 1.3375 | 0.04847 | 160 | 118 | 30 | 12 |
681 | Watch me as I cut a critic in sixteenths. | 1.3374 | 0.04456 | 163 | 116 | 39 | 8 |
682 | and the translator’s notes go in just like this. | 1.3374 | 0.04623 | 163 | 118 | 35 | 10 |
683 | Would it ruin the trick if I told them there is an electronic copy? | 1.3374 | 0.04704 | 163 | 119 | 33 | 11 |
684 | Abraca...dammit! This is the REAL shredder! | 1.3373 | 0.04723 | 166 | 122 | 32 | 12 |
685 | Shreddicus Evidencia! | 1.3373 | 0.04723 | 166 | 122 | 32 | 12 |
686 | And now my lovely assistant will subvert democracy. | 1.3373 | 0.04588 | 169 | 123 | 35 | 11 |
687 | And with an assist from Olga, I will now make 50,000 votes disappear. | 1.3372 | 0.04608 | 172 | 126 | 34 | 12 |
688 | The rabbit sent me a letter? | 1.3371 | 0.04695 | 175 | 130 | 31 | 14 |
689 | We insist on the use of paper ballots. | 1.3371 | 0.04176 | 175 | 123 | 45 | 7 |
690 | Now, we’re going to make your vote disappear! | 1.3371 | 0.04406 | 175 | 126 | 39 | 10 |
691 | Watch closely, Ivanka, while I make this subpoena disappear! | 1.3370 | 0.04516 | 181 | 133 | 35 | 13 |
692 | And the electoral college will now make your vote disappear! | 1.3370 | 0.04650 | 181 | 135 | 31 | 15 |
693 | For my next trick, the Thirteenth Amendment ... | 1.3370 | 0.04516 | 181 | 133 | 35 | 13 |
694 | Wait until you see what this does to the rabbit. | 1.3368 | 0.04553 | 190 | 142 | 32 | 16 |
695 | This one weird trick will lower your taxes! | 1.3355 | 0.04868 | 155 | 114 | 30 | 11 |
696 | And now, this only copy of Donald Trumps taxes may......or may not..... reappear" | 1.3355 | 0.04692 | 155 | 112 | 34 | 9 |
697 | Now watch this boys and girls....this was the "magical" way your grandparents deleted their unwanted messages. | 1.3355 | 0.04692 | 155 | 112 | 34 | 9 |
698 | I told you mom, I won’t need this high school diploma if I’m a magician. | 1.3355 | 0.04602 | 155 | 111 | 36 | 8 |
699 | And now for a magic trick I have been perfecting since my 2001 performance at the Enron Christmas Party. | 1.3354 | 0.04632 | 158 | 114 | 35 | 9 |
700 | And for my next trick, I'll shred this STAPLED document | 1.3354 | 0.04574 | 161 | 116 | 36 | 9 |
701 | Watch me make this subpoena disappear | 1.3354 | 0.05057 | 161 | 122 | 24 | 15 |
702 | I will now shred my credit card bill and reconstitute it as a winning lottery ticket. | 1.3354 | 0.04914 | 164 | 123 | 27 | 14 |
703 | I appreciate any technology that obviates the need for a recount. | 1.3354 | 0.04083 | 164 | 113 | 47 | 4 |
704 | Now for my last trick, I will make Donald Trump’s tax returns reappear. | 1.3354 | 0.04914 | 164 | 123 | 27 | 14 |
705 | If you like this, wait until I get the rabbit. | 1.3353 | 0.04699 | 167 | 123 | 32 | 12 |
706 | And now i will show you how to change an indictment into a parking ticket. | 1.3353 | 0.04924 | 167 | 126 | 26 | 15 |
707 | And with that, my taxes are gone. For my next trick, I will disappear for 5-10 years with a chance of parole after 7. | 1.3353 | 0.04622 | 167 | 122 | 34 | 11 |
708 | Pay no attention to the shredder in front of the lady. | 1.3353 | 0.04622 | 167 | 122 | 34 | 11 |
709 | and now.....before your very eyes....watch as the incriminating content of this document becomes.....FAKE NEWS | 1.3353 | 0.04622 | 167 | 122 | 34 | 11 |
710 | Watch as the Great Trumpezi shreds the constitution! | 1.3353 | 0.04641 | 170 | 125 | 33 | 12 |
711 | You doubt me now, but this trick killed for Banksy . | 1.3353 | 0.04789 | 170 | 127 | 29 | 14 |
712 | my next trick involves an absentee ballot | 1.3353 | 0.04716 | 170 | 126 | 31 | 13 |
713 | With a wave of my magic wand, another mail-in ballot gets shredded! | 1.3353 | 0.04585 | 173 | 127 | 34 | 12 |
714 | And now I'll just pass my interpreter's notes through the magic truth box... | 1.3352 | 0.04876 | 176 | 134 | 25 | 17 |
715 | I agree this is working much better with paper than a dove. | 1.3352 | 0.04816 | 179 | 136 | 26 | 17 |
716 | Most magicians can only cut things in two, but I am eight times better than most magicians. | 1.3352 | 0.04478 | 179 | 131 | 36 | 12 |
717 | What collusion? | 1.3352 | 0.04628 | 182 | 136 | 31 | 15 |
718 | And for my next trick. Tax Fraud. | 1.3352 | 0.04562 | 182 | 135 | 33 | 14 |
719 | Since you refuse to be sawed in half, I will now make your contract disappear. | 1.3333 | 0.04521 | 168 | 122 | 36 | 10 |
720 | And with one swift wave of my wand, this shredded page of vitriol will become a tweet. | 1.3333 | 0.04501 | 189 | 141 | 33 | 15 |
721 | And Presto!, the great Giulliani makes collusion disappear. | 1.3333 | 0.04718 | 177 | 133 | 29 | 15 |
722 | Because I'm all out of rabbits. | 1.3333 | 0.04509 | 177 | 130 | 35 | 12 |
723 | Harold after finding out he was on the short list for Attorney General, began practicing how he would make Special Counsel reports and IRS records disappear. | 1.3333 | 0.04338 | 183 | 133 | 39 | 11 |
724 | And voilà, we have Brexit | 1.3333 | 0.04441 | 168 | 121 | 38 | 9 |
725 | Let's hope this works better than it did with that rabbit last week. | 1.3333 | 0.04826 | 168 | 126 | 28 | 14 |
726 | Trust me, people loved this trick when Banksy did it. | 1.3333 | 0.04635 | 174 | 129 | 32 | 13 |
727 | It's a lot neater than my rabbit-thru-the-shredder trick. | 1.3333 | 0.04994 | 153 | 114 | 27 | 12 |
728 | Hocus Pocus! Here come chats between Putin and POTUS! | 1.3333 | 0.04656 | 165 | 121 | 33 | 11 |
729 | This is a little trick I call 'Contract, what contract?' | 1.3333 | 0.04777 | 159 | 117 | 31 | 11 |
730 | For my next trick, I will make years of tax fraud - disappear! | 1.3333 | 0.04489 | 174 | 127 | 36 | 11 |
731 | Merlin, working for the FBI, pulls intact documents from the paper shredder. | 1.3333 | 0.04608 | 159 | 115 | 35 | 9 |
732 | After the unfortunate incident with the rabbit, they decided to tone down their act. | 1.3333 | 0.04885 | 150 | 110 | 30 | 10 |
733 | Now watch closely as I make 2016-18 disappear... | 1.3333 | 0.04777 | 159 | 117 | 31 | 11 |
734 | Trust me Carol, no one will miss your "Chicken and Mushroom Soup Casserole...." | 1.3333 | 0.04706 | 174 | 130 | 30 | 14 |
735 | And, zip-zap, I make the Constitution disappear. | 1.3333 | 0.04994 | 153 | 114 | 27 | 12 |
736 | and the name of this dandy device is the 'special counsel'" | 1.3333 | 0.04735 | 165 | 122 | 31 | 12 |
737 | Is it our Pre-Nup or is it Magic? | 1.3333 | 0.04268 | 183 | 132 | 41 | 10 |
738 | ......" and with a wave of Mario's magic wand .....the President's Christmas Tweet : is transported to its appropriate place in history". | 1.3333 | 0.04367 | 201 | 150 | 35 | 16 |
739 | The real magic comes from being able to let go, Sharon. | 1.3333 | 0.04777 | 159 | 117 | 31 | 11 |
740 | Presto chango! And for my next trick, I'll need an unscrupulous CPA from the audience. | 1.3316 | 0.04308 | 193 | 142 | 38 | 13 |
741 | Was it Shred it and then make a Copy, or...? | 1.3314 | 0.04393 | 175 | 127 | 38 | 10 |
742 | Sigh! I miss the Rabbit-and-Guillotine times !!! | 1.3314 | 0.04812 | 172 | 130 | 27 | 15 |
743 | If it brings you no joy.... | 1.3314 | 0.04882 | 172 | 131 | 25 | 16 |
744 | I will now assemby an IKEA Valhomla Kitchen Island with 48 separate parts | 1.3314 | 0.04741 | 172 | 129 | 29 | 14 |
745 | Great, but how do we get this thing up your sleeve? | 1.3314 | 0.04595 | 172 | 127 | 33 | 12 |
746 | Now these interpreter's notes from Trump's meeting with Putin will magically reappear! | 1.3314 | 0.04874 | 169 | 128 | 26 | 15 |
747 | I, the Great Shreddini, will now make the President's tax returns disappear. | 1.3314 | 0.04652 | 169 | 125 | 32 | 12 |
748 | So, now we know that this is much easier with paper than with a rabbit. | 1.3313 | 0.04632 | 166 | 122 | 33 | 11 |
749 | Nothing up my sleeve...anymore. | 1.3313 | 0.04711 | 166 | 123 | 31 | 12 |
750 | And now... a preview of 2020. | 1.3313 | 0.04691 | 163 | 120 | 32 | 11 |
751 | And abracadabra, the subpoena disappears! | 1.3313 | 0.04752 | 160 | 118 | 31 | 11 |
752 | Voila! With my patented Reverse-Shredder, government documents are put back into one piece making more sense than the originals! | 1.3313 | 0.04752 | 160 | 118 | 31 | 11 |
753 | A magician never reveals his secrets – or his tax returns. | 1.3313 | 0.04668 | 160 | 117 | 33 | 10 |
754 | And as you can see, the collusion disappears. | 1.3312 | 0.04703 | 154 | 112 | 33 | 9 |
755 | Annnnnd abracadabra.... I am NOT the father! | 1.3312 | 0.04792 | 154 | 113 | 31 | 10 |
756 | My first trick involves my marriage license. | 1.3312 | 0.04612 | 154 | 111 | 35 | 8 |
757 | Watch as I make shredding this document appear to be obstruction of justice. | 1.3311 | 0.04735 | 148 | 107 | 33 | 8 |
758 | My most popular illusion, collusion disappears. | 1.3298 | 0.04336 | 191 | 141 | 37 | 13 |
759 | The real magic is that I was able to change careers so late in life. | 1.3298 | 0.04384 | 188 | 139 | 36 | 13 |
760 | This trick does work better without the rabbit. | 1.3296 | 0.04672 | 179 | 135 | 29 | 15 |
761 | Abra Subpoena! | 1.3296 | 0.04605 | 179 | 134 | 31 | 14 |
762 | Nothing up my sleeves, or in this background check. | 1.3295 | 0.04373 | 176 | 128 | 38 | 10 |
763 | Is it a ballot box, a toaster, or a shredder? The voters will never know! | 1.3295 | 0.04646 | 173 | 129 | 31 | 13 |
764 | The trick is to feed just one sheet at a time. | 1.3295 | 0.04499 | 173 | 127 | 35 | 11 |
765 | Voila! The Mueller Report! | 1.3294 | 0.04703 | 170 | 127 | 30 | 13 |
766 | I will now turn this solid piece of paper into confetti. | 1.3294 | 0.04553 | 170 | 125 | 34 | 11 |
767 | Abracadabra! And like that, we’ve made America great again! | 1.3294 | 0.04703 | 170 | 127 | 30 | 13 |
768 | And for my next trick, I will make the Emoluments Clause disappear! | 1.3293 | 0.04686 | 167 | 124 | 31 | 12 |
769 | Now I’m going to ask Congress to join me onstage as we insert the proposal to end the Government Shutdown. | 1.3293 | 0.04912 | 167 | 127 | 25 | 15 |
770 | With a wave of the wand, it is now, jammed. | 1.3293 | 0.04763 | 167 | 125 | 29 | 13 |
771 | I adjusted my act, after the saw-box incident. | 1.3293 | 0.04334 | 164 | 117 | 40 | 7 |
772 | Abracadabra -- no collusion! | 1.3293 | 0.04746 | 164 | 122 | 30 | 12 |
773 | Ladies and gentleman I present the POTUS tax returns! | 1.3293 | 0.04824 | 164 | 123 | 28 | 13 |
774 | Now watch democracy disappear | 1.3293 | 0.04824 | 164 | 123 | 28 | 13 |
775 | And voila, your depressing Honey Do list becomes my celebratory confetti! | 1.3292 | 0.04727 | 161 | 119 | 31 | 11 |
776 | I insert my recent tax return, and out comes a ticket to a country with no extradition treaty to the U.S. | 1.3292 | 0.04644 | 161 | 118 | 33 | 10 |
777 | In this trick I transform a banal sketch into a coveted and valuable piece of art. I call it the 'Banksy Illusion'. | 1.3290 | 0.04495 | 155 | 111 | 37 | 7 |
778 | We're testing a Russian voting machine for 2020 with a disappearing paper trail." | 1.3289 | 0.04830 | 152 | 112 | 30 | 10 |
779 | No, we don’t use Mr. Nibbles for this trick anymore | 1.3289 | 0.04897 | 149 | 110 | 29 | 10 |
780 | And gone is the national debt. | 1.3288 | 0.05061 | 146 | 109 | 26 | 11 |
781 | I swear it looked cool when Banksy did it. | 1.3287 | 0.05135 | 143 | 107 | 25 | 11 |
782 | Presto! The First Amendment vanishes. | 1.3280 | 0.04668 | 186 | 142 | 27 | 17 |
783 | So far I've only mastered the first part of this trick. | 1.3280 | 0.03850 | 186 | 130 | 51 | 5 |
784 | ...And Abracadabra, your Georgia State election ballot is tallied! | 1.3278 | 0.04716 | 180 | 137 | 27 | 16 |
785 | All tha abbra-cadabra's in the world won't prevent this from jamming! | 1.3277 | 0.04497 | 177 | 131 | 34 | 12 |
786 | And that is how you turn contracts into kitty litter | 1.3276 | 0.04623 | 174 | 130 | 31 | 13 |
787 | Boy, do I miss that rabbit! | 1.3276 | 0.04402 | 174 | 127 | 37 | 10 |
788 | I told President Trump I was a magician with Tax Returns so now I'm handling all his filing. | 1.3276 | 0.04550 | 174 | 129 | 33 | 12 |
789 | For my next trick, I will make Democrat ballots disappear. | 1.3275 | 0.04680 | 171 | 128 | 30 | 13 |
790 | Ladies and Gentlemen, watch your vote disappear before your very eyes! | 1.3274 | 0.04427 | 168 | 122 | 37 | 9 |
791 | And as quickly as they appeared, Trump's tax returns shall now disappear from your very eyes, fulfilling yet another campaign promise! | 1.3274 | 0.04586 | 168 | 124 | 33 | 11 |
792 | And now I’ll make Banksy’s payment disappear. | 1.3274 | 0.04738 | 168 | 126 | 29 | 13 |
793 | “There - no shreds of evidence that I ever contacted any Russians.” | 1.3274 | 0.04813 | 168 | 127 | 27 | 14 |
794 | And Prestoroonie! I pull a completely intact Florida Republican registered vote out of a paper shredder! | 1.3270 | 0.04927 | 159 | 120 | 26 | 13 |
795 | And now, a trick I learned at the Justice Department. Watch in amazement as I pull a Trump-Putin conversation transcript from the shredder unscathed! | 1.3270 | 0.05008 | 159 | 121 | 24 | 14 |
796 | Bear with me, if you've seen this before--how the Bill of Rights can be made to completely disappear. | 1.3269 | 0.04652 | 156 | 114 | 33 | 9 |
797 | Next, I am going to shred my wife’s meatloaf recipe (her only copy). | 1.3269 | 0.04304 | 208 | 157 | 34 | 17 |
798 | ‘“Next we add some bedding to make the rabbit nice and comfortable.” | 1.3269 | 0.04826 | 156 | 116 | 29 | 11 |
799 | No collusion illusion! Presto, Shredo! | 1.3268 | 0.05065 | 153 | 116 | 24 | 13 |
800 | And now, a re-enactment of everyone’s favorite disappearing act from 2016–the ballot! | 1.3267 | 0.04869 | 150 | 111 | 29 | 10 |
801 | And that's the famous Bernie Madoff trick | 1.3267 | 0.04682 | 150 | 109 | 33 | 8 |
802 | If this works, we'll try it with the rabbit. | 1.3265 | 0.05123 | 147 | 111 | 24 | 12 |
803 | The ballot disappears into this toaster and voila! Donald Trump wins the Presidency. | 1.3263 | 0.04532 | 190 | 144 | 30 | 16 |
804 | And now my lovely assistant will shred this paternity test." | 1.3262 | 0.04259 | 187 | 137 | 39 | 11 |
805 | And presto...no more subpoena. | 1.3260 | 0.04354 | 181 | 133 | 37 | 11 |
806 | Ok...let's try this agin: "Alakazam! you will not jam!" | 1.3259 | 0.05024 | 135 | 99 | 28 | 8 |
807 | Watch how deftly I shred ballots cast by likely Democratic voters. | 1.3258 | 0.04882 | 178 | 138 | 22 | 18 |
808 | 'Marie said it's the life-changing magic of tidying up.' | 1.3258 | 0.04546 | 178 | 133 | 32 | 13 |
809 | Meet the Great Obstructio, new Attorney General. | 1.3258 | 0.04404 | 178 | 131 | 36 | 11 |
810 | And, Presto, transcripts of all the Trump-Putin meetings! | 1.3258 | 0.04404 | 178 | 131 | 36 | 11 |
811 | Banksy made this look so easy | 1.3257 | 0.04741 | 175 | 133 | 27 | 15 |
812 | For my next trick I need a volunteer from the audience who's an attorney. | 1.3257 | 0.04671 | 175 | 132 | 29 | 14 |
813 | And for my next trick: Collusion Confetti. | 1.3254 | 0.04861 | 169 | 129 | 25 | 15 |
814 | In goes the legislation and out will come a balanced budget. | 1.3254 | 0.04562 | 169 | 125 | 33 | 11 |
815 | How your mail ballot goes into the void never to be counted. | 1.3253 | 0.04697 | 166 | 124 | 30 | 12 |
816 | To think, I use to have to saw up voter districts and reassemble them into fanciful shapes. | 1.3253 | 0.04539 | 166 | 122 | 34 | 10 |
817 | For my next trick, I will make the office paper shredder work. | 1.3253 | 0.04375 | 166 | 120 | 38 | 8 |
818 | The IRS didn't believe my magic deductions. | 1.3252 | 0.04836 | 163 | 123 | 27 | 13 |
819 | A magician never reveals his receipts. | 1.3252 | 0.04758 | 163 | 122 | 29 | 12 |
820 | And I shall magically make the President's tax returns reappear. Oops. Oh, darn. | 1.3250 | 0.04393 | 160 | 115 | 38 | 7 |
821 | Heidi, would you please come up to verify that this is the document you shredded. | 1.3247 | 0.04279 | 194 | 144 | 37 | 13 |
822 | Now watch closely as I make the prosecution's case disappear before your very eyes! | 1.3247 | 0.04687 | 154 | 113 | 32 | 9 |
823 | Let's start with paper. But wait 'til you see how fast this sucker makes a rabbit disappear! | 1.3245 | 0.05108 | 151 | 115 | 23 | 13 |
824 | Maybe we need to plug it in?! | 1.3245 | 0.04842 | 151 | 112 | 29 | 10 |
825 | And presto, my Democratic vote is now in Florida's hands. | 1.3243 | 0.04909 | 148 | 110 | 28 | 10 |
826 | A magician never reveals his tax return secrets | 1.3242 | 0.04118 | 182 | 131 | 43 | 8 |
827 | The real magic will be getting this damn thing unjammed. | 1.3242 | 0.04334 | 182 | 134 | 37 | 11 |
828 | There ..... now, watch closely as the ballots change from blue to red right before your eyes. | 1.3242 | 0.04403 | 182 | 135 | 35 | 12 |
829 | Now you see proof of tax evasion, now you don't. | 1.3242 | 0.04403 | 182 | 135 | 35 | 12 |
830 | Watch your hands! I'm a magician, not a miracle worker. | 1.3239 | 0.04640 | 142 | 102 | 34 | 6 |
831 | ...and it’s stuck | 1.3239 | 0.04578 | 176 | 132 | 31 | 13 |
832 | Now, by the power of electricity... | 1.3239 | 0.04786 | 176 | 135 | 25 | 16 |
833 | You’re right—much smoother than the rabbit. | 1.3237 | 0.05228 | 139 | 105 | 23 | 11 |
834 | My latest trick is called 'the disappearing ballot.' | 1.3237 | 0.04255 | 173 | 125 | 40 | 8 |
835 | I now pronounce us ex-husband and ex-wife. | 1.3237 | 0.04560 | 173 | 129 | 32 | 12 |
836 | If I can perform this trick on Fox News, I might get a job with the WhiteHouse. | 1.3235 | 0.04616 | 170 | 127 | 31 | 12 |
837 | And now, ladies & gentlemen, watch as I magically un-shred Trumps tax returns! | 1.3234 | 0.04750 | 167 | 126 | 28 | 13 |
838 | And... voilà! The incriminating evidence is now eco-friendly compost! | 1.3234 | 0.04353 | 167 | 121 | 38 | 8 |
839 | Hold it steady kellyanne! | 1.3234 | 0.04673 | 167 | 125 | 30 | 12 |
840 | I will feed the Trump-Putin meeting notes into the shredder, and Presto! There is no collusion! | 1.3234 | 0.04673 | 167 | 125 | 30 | 12 |
841 | You're right. This is much less messy than rabbits. | 1.3230 | 0.04458 | 161 | 117 | 36 | 8 |
842 | The handbook recommends starting with this, before I try sawing you in half." | 1.3230 | 0.04712 | 161 | 120 | 30 | 11 |
843 | And now, I will magically make the President's Russian interpreter's meeting notes disappear | 1.3228 | 0.04602 | 158 | 116 | 33 | 9 |
844 | This is a special trick ordered from the 45th President of the United States; I am to make these tax returns disappear. | 1.3228 | 0.04423 | 158 | 114 | 37 | 7 |
845 | With one wave of this wand the remaining evidence of my 4 years at Princeton will disappear - and with it the hopes and dreams of my parents. | 1.3226 | 0.04838 | 155 | 116 | 28 | 11 |
846 | Now I am magically extracting Donald Trumps tax returns from the shredder! | 1.3226 | 0.04466 | 186 | 140 | 32 | 14 |
847 | I will now make your caption entry magically disappear! | 1.3224 | 0.04992 | 152 | 115 | 25 | 12 |
848 | And now my assistant will reassemble the document. | 1.3224 | 0.04815 | 152 | 113 | 29 | 10 |
849 | For my next trick, I'll need a copy machine. | 1.3224 | 0.04535 | 152 | 110 | 35 | 7 |
850 | Now you see collusion and now you don’t! | 1.3222 | 0.04433 | 180 | 134 | 34 | 12 |
851 | All is well, have no fear, watch the transcript disappear... | 1.3220 | 0.04412 | 177 | 131 | 35 | 11 |
852 | And now, as I shred my notes from the President's last meeting with Premier Putin, Robert Mueller will suddenly appear. | 1.3218 | 0.04538 | 174 | 130 | 32 | 12 |
853 | And with that, your taxes are gone! | 1.3217 | 0.05308 | 143 | 110 | 20 | 13 |
854 | And PRESTO, your credit score has disappeared. For my next trick, I will saw your 401k in half. | 1.3216 | 0.04592 | 171 | 128 | 31 | 12 |
855 | In tribute to Banksy, we shall turn an ordinary page into a masterpiece! | 1.3216 | 0.04362 | 171 | 125 | 37 | 9 |
856 | Watch me pull the president's tax returns out of my shredder. | 1.3216 | 0.04667 | 171 | 129 | 29 | 13 |
857 | And the next thing to disappear...our motel receipt from last night. | 1.3216 | 0.04440 | 171 | 126 | 35 | 10 |
858 | Annnnddd Presto! No collusion! | 1.3216 | 0.04812 | 171 | 131 | 25 | 15 |
859 | Here’s a little trick I learned from Oliver North. | 1.3210 | 0.04435 | 162 | 118 | 36 | 8 |
860 | Ladies and Gentlemen I will now make this warrant for my arrest disappear. | 1.3210 | 0.04348 | 162 | 117 | 38 | 7 |
861 | There's a shred of truth to my magic tricks. | 1.3209 | 0.04110 | 187 | 136 | 42 | 9 |
862 | And voila! The new Vote-o-matic voting machine, brought to you by The Trump Organization, securely records your ballot! | 1.3208 | 0.04831 | 159 | 120 | 27 | 12 |
863 | Through the magic of voter suppression, here's how your ballot is counted. | 1.3208 | 0.04578 | 159 | 117 | 33 | 9 |
864 | And now, to prove there has been absolutely no collusion, my assistant and translator Natasha will completely shred all her notes. | 1.3208 | 0.04748 | 159 | 119 | 29 | 11 |
865 | After last week's incident, we'll only be separating inanimate objects from now on. | 1.3203 | 0.04697 | 153 | 113 | 31 | 9 |
866 | And that is how you un-shred it. | 1.3202 | 0.04603 | 178 | 135 | 29 | 14 |
867 | Presto-Chang-o, Redact-o Fact-o! | 1.3202 | 0.04169 | 178 | 129 | 41 | 8 |
868 | Watch now, see democracy vanish right before your very eyes. | 1.3198 | 0.04716 | 172 | 131 | 27 | 14 |
869 | abracadabra watch Trump's interpreters notes disappear! | 1.3198 | 0.04418 | 172 | 127 | 35 | 10 |
870 | Watch me make this critic's review disappear! | 1.3198 | 0.04341 | 172 | 126 | 37 | 9 |
871 | And so, with a wave of my wand, I pull the interpreter's notes out of the shredder! | 1.3198 | 0.04569 | 172 | 129 | 31 | 12 |
872 | And just like that, your adolescent poetry disappears. | 1.3195 | 0.04549 | 169 | 126 | 32 | 11 |
873 | Ladies and gentlemen, don’t be alarmed. Through my amazing magical powers, I will defy all natural laws and attempt to restore the constitution to its original condition! | 1.3195 | 0.04626 | 169 | 127 | 30 | 12 |
874 | And now, these translator notes will disappear before your very eyes. | 1.3194 | 0.05367 | 144 | 112 | 18 | 14 |
875 | For my next trick, I will make it disappear like an African-American's vote in Georgia. | 1.3194 | 0.04681 | 191 | 149 | 23 | 19 |
876 | Now! Watch closely as my lovely assistant Lucinda aids and abets as I make this damaging piece of evidence disappear! | 1.3190 | 0.04743 | 163 | 123 | 28 | 12 |
877 | Abracadabra. I am going to shred this junk mail and it is going to magically reappear in your mailbox tomorrow morning. | 1.3190 | 0.04581 | 163 | 121 | 32 | 10 |
878 | And in what sadly will be her last show as his assistant, Alakazam proves to Marie that her contract was just an illusion. | 1.3190 | 0.04147 | 163 | 116 | 42 | 5 |
879 | Not everything is magic! | 1.3187 | 0.04179 | 182 | 133 | 40 | 9 |
880 | And, poof! No proof of collusion! | 1.3185 | 0.04522 | 157 | 115 | 34 | 8 |
881 | At the count of three, this shredded secret government document will magically reappear...in Russia! | 1.3185 | 0.04785 | 157 | 118 | 28 | 11 |
882 | This is the copy machine, right dear! | 1.3184 | 0.04221 | 201 | 151 | 36 | 14 |
883 | And,with a swish of my wand,l will show you how we count our ballots. | 1.3182 | 0.04936 | 154 | 117 | 25 | 12 |
884 | I will now perform some legal magic. | 1.3182 | 0.04849 | 154 | 116 | 27 | 11 |
885 | This trick has never before been performed in public. | 1.3182 | 0.04761 | 154 | 115 | 29 | 10 |
886 | They say it can't be done! But watch as I, Steve the Magnificent, escape from Jury Duty! | 1.3179 | 0.04396 | 173 | 128 | 35 | 10 |
887 | And now, ladies and gentlemen...for my final trick...the Constitution! | 1.3179 | 0.04692 | 173 | 132 | 27 | 14 |
888 | And for my next trick - I will make these Florida ballots disappear! | 1.3176 | 0.04369 | 170 | 125 | 36 | 9 |
889 | For the act, is it ok if I call you "Melania"? | 1.3176 | 0.05077 | 148 | 113 | 23 | 12 |
890 | And now watch as I instantly get a job with the administration. | 1.3176 | 0.04892 | 148 | 111 | 27 | 10 |
891 | ..and now, for the last of my dignity. | 1.3176 | 0.04985 | 148 | 112 | 25 | 11 |
892 | Now watch carefully as I make these grounds for federal indictment disappear! | 1.3174 | 0.04659 | 167 | 126 | 29 | 12 |
893 | When gerrymandering doesn’t work, this is how Republicans deal with minority voters. | 1.3174 | 0.04736 | 167 | 127 | 27 | 13 |
894 | Abracadabra, no more collusion. | 1.3171 | 0.04950 | 164 | 127 | 22 | 15 |
895 | I, The Great Trumpino, will make the constitution disappear! | 1.3171 | 0.04874 | 164 | 126 | 24 | 14 |
896 | Siegfried and Roy, I thought you said shred and destroy | 1.3171 | 0.04638 | 164 | 123 | 30 | 11 |
897 | Unfortunately we lost fluffy in the original version of this trick. | 1.3168 | 0.04614 | 161 | 120 | 31 | 10 |
898 | Presto, change-o! Conversations with Putin disappear! | 1.3167 | 0.04490 | 180 | 136 | 31 | 13 |
899 | Wanksy Tanksy gonna make a Banksy | 1.3167 | 0.04420 | 180 | 135 | 33 | 12 |
900 | Shred softly and carry a big stick. (Said Trump about the dossier.) | 1.3165 | 0.04759 | 158 | 119 | 28 | 11 |
901 | Now I will demonstrate how politicians make things disappear.” | 1.3165 | 0.04498 | 158 | 116 | 34 | 8 |
902 | The real trick is keeping everyone's mouth shut. | 1.3165 | 0.04759 | 158 | 119 | 28 | 11 |
903 | You know Linda, sometimes abracadbra isn't enough | 1.3165 | 0.04586 | 158 | 117 | 32 | 9 |
904 | What you saw, didn’t happen. What you heard, was never said. What he wrote, is misspelled.” | 1.3165 | 0.04586 | 158 | 117 | 32 | 9 |
905 | Combining business with pleasure is the real magic, Miss Jones. | 1.3165 | 0.04586 | 158 | 117 | 32 | 9 |
906 | And where it goes, no one knows | 1.3164 | 0.04097 | 177 | 128 | 42 | 7 |
907 | For my next trick, I''m going to make it reappear in a copy machine. | 1.3161 | 0.04269 | 155 | 111 | 39 | 5 |
908 | Wait till you see my disappearing rabbit trick. | 1.3158 | 0.04186 | 171 | 124 | 40 | 7 |
909 | This is much harder on the rabbit | 1.3158 | 0.04977 | 152 | 116 | 24 | 12 |
910 | Now you see these Tax Returns! Now you.... | 1.3158 | 0.05063 | 152 | 117 | 22 | 13 |
911 | And now watch my Russian translator notes disappear! | 1.3158 | 0.04653 | 171 | 130 | 28 | 13 |
912 | And, abracadabra ... no collusion. | 1.3155 | 0.04558 | 168 | 126 | 31 | 11 |
913 | Don’t try this one with the rabbit | 1.3155 | 0.04635 | 168 | 127 | 29 | 12 |
914 | I am now going to make the restraining order filed by my lovely assistant, disappear. | 1.3155 | 0.04558 | 168 | 126 | 31 | 11 |
915 | And now, we're going to make those allegations against me magically disappear! | 1.3154 | 0.05047 | 149 | 114 | 23 | 12 |
916 | Well, apparently it's magic for Sotheby's. | 1.3154 | 0.04864 | 149 | 112 | 27 | 10 |
917 | There goes the President's Tax Return for yet another year! | 1.3152 | 0.04282 | 165 | 120 | 38 | 7 |
918 | You say there will be a shred of evidence? | 1.3151 | 0.04933 | 146 | 110 | 26 | 10 |
919 | And now, for a trick the IRS hates... | 1.3151 | 0.04636 | 146 | 107 | 32 | 7 |
920 | And just like that, the truth disappears! | 1.3149 | 0.04329 | 181 | 135 | 35 | 11 |
921 | If they ask, tell them I thought it was a postage machine. | 1.3149 | 0.04257 | 181 | 134 | 37 | 10 |
922 | This is a trick I learned during my time spent in Broward County, Florida. | 1.3148 | 0.04673 | 162 | 122 | 29 | 11 |
923 | Voila! Notes from a Russian interpreter. | 1.3147 | 0.04904 | 143 | 107 | 27 | 9 |
924 | There, that should take care of the pesky Putin / Trump Interpreter notes. | 1.3146 | 0.04520 | 178 | 135 | 30 | 13 |
925 | This is called my disappearing votes trick! | 1.3146 | 0.04378 | 178 | 133 | 34 | 11 |
926 | And with one swish of my wand, our democracy disappears! | 1.3145 | 0.04816 | 159 | 121 | 26 | 12 |
927 | His assistant thought that he didn't have a shred of decency. He did, it was just paper thin. | 1.3145 | 0.04384 | 159 | 116 | 36 | 7 |
928 | And for my final trick, you’ve been served. | 1.3143 | 0.04354 | 175 | 130 | 35 | 10 |
929 | Voila! A hanging chad. | 1.3143 | 0.04428 | 175 | 131 | 33 | 11 |
930 | And now, for my next trick, my assistant's toaster will translate your ballot into Russian | 1.3141 | 0.04796 | 156 | 118 | 27 | 11 |
931 | I swear, Hilda, this will kill on the corporate circuit. | 1.3140 | 0.04845 | 172 | 134 | 22 | 16 |
932 | Watch now as my tax returns vanish, only to reappear in congressional testimony months later. | 1.3140 | 0.04481 | 172 | 129 | 32 | 11 |
933 | The real trick is putting it back together. | 1.3137 | 0.04493 | 153 | 112 | 34 | 7 |
934 | Russian Translation by day. The Great Shreddini by night! | 1.3137 | 0.04680 | 153 | 114 | 30 | 9 |
935 | Yes honey. It's a scanner. | 1.3137 | 0.04493 | 153 | 112 | 34 | 7 |
936 | And now for my version of Shredded Tweet.. | 1.3137 | 0.04680 | 153 | 114 | 30 | 9 |
937 | Watch closely: The paper...will...not...jam. | 1.3137 | 0.04771 | 153 | 115 | 28 | 10 |
938 | I learnt my craft working on the 2016 Election campaign. | 1.3136 | 0.04295 | 169 | 124 | 37 | 8 |
939 | And out comes a bunny. | 1.3134 | 0.05016 | 134 | 100 | 26 | 8 |
940 | It's as if this conversation never happened. | 1.3133 | 0.04174 | 166 | 120 | 40 | 6 |
941 | I can assure you, that despite what you may think that you see, no evidence is really harmed or destroyed in this trick. | 1.3133 | 0.04345 | 166 | 122 | 36 | 8 |
942 | I believe this is the last transcript of the Helsinki meeting. | 1.3133 | 0.04428 | 166 | 123 | 34 | 9 |
943 | And for my last trick, I'm going to show you how to make your debt disappear. | 1.3133 | 0.04428 | 166 | 123 | 34 | 9 |
944 | For my next trick, I’ll fix Theresa May’s brexit plan. | 1.3133 | 0.04747 | 166 | 127 | 26 | 13 |
945 | We'll just put your vote in the magic toaster, and voila, the opponent wins | 1.3133 | 0.04669 | 166 | 126 | 28 | 12 |
946 | It would be a great trick, if my vote actually counted | 1.3132 | 0.04308 | 182 | 136 | 35 | 11 |
947 | Alakajam! | 1.3129 | 0.04566 | 163 | 122 | 31 | 10 |
948 | Before I saw you in half, watch the theater's liability waiver disappear. | 1.3129 | 0.04729 | 163 | 124 | 27 | 12 |
949 | Subpoenashreddis! | 1.3129 | 0.04729 | 163 | 124 | 27 | 12 |
950 | And...Presto! The G.O.P. sweeps the Birmingham elections. | 1.3128 | 0.04636 | 179 | 138 | 26 | 15 |
951 | Observe how quickly a Russian business contract can disappear! | 1.3125 | 0.04537 | 160 | 119 | 32 | 9 |
952 | ...and I've been magically un-served! | 1.3122 | 0.04263 | 189 | 142 | 35 | 12 |
953 | Ladies and Gentlemen, right before your eyes I will make this subpoena disappear. | 1.3121 | 0.04305 | 173 | 128 | 36 | 9 |
954 | And now your harassment allegation just goes right in here... | 1.3121 | 0.04683 | 157 | 118 | 29 | 10 |
955 | I never thought I'd say it, but you're right: this trick really is much better without the rabbits. | 1.3121 | 0.04854 | 157 | 120 | 25 | 12 |
956 | Ladies and Gentlemen, I will now make all the evidence disappear | 1.3121 | 0.04595 | 157 | 117 | 31 | 9 |
957 | And now I shall make a rabbit appear out of a shredder." | 1.3118 | 0.04588 | 170 | 129 | 29 | 12 |
958 | Now watch very carefully as I attempt to restore this prenuptial agreement. | 1.3118 | 0.04588 | 170 | 129 | 29 | 12 |
959 | And, for my next trick, I will show the Justice Department how to make the Mueller Report disappear. | 1.3117 | 0.04920 | 154 | 118 | 24 | 12 |
960 | Don’t worry, this isn’t how the rabbit disappeared. | 1.3115 | 0.03998 | 183 | 133 | 43 | 7 |
961 | The magic is that it ends up making more sense than it did going in. | 1.3114 | 0.04566 | 167 | 126 | 30 | 11 |
962 | I will now make this ballot and 60,000 others disappear before your eyes! | 1.3114 | 0.04566 | 167 | 126 | 30 | 11 |
963 | For my next trick, I will make all evidence of the President's collusion with Russia disappear. | 1.3114 | 0.04722 | 167 | 128 | 26 | 13 |
964 | I place the only copy of my mother-in-law's meatloaf recipe in this magic device,and presto it disappears! | 1.3114 | 0.04566 | 167 | 126 | 30 | 11 |
965 | Presto change! Presidential Collusion is now... Russian adoption! | 1.3113 | 0.04899 | 151 | 115 | 25 | 11 |
966 | Presto magic... what constitution? | 1.3110 | 0.04374 | 164 | 121 | 35 | 8 |
967 | Don't worry Susan, I'll make your contract reappear with a only a few minor changes. | 1.3110 | 0.04459 | 164 | 122 | 33 | 9 |
968 | And if everything works out, we'll have a brand new budget on the other end. | 1.3110 | 0.04623 | 164 | 124 | 29 | 11 |
969 | And for my next trick, watch the transcript of Trump's Putin meetings disappear! | 1.3110 | 0.04623 | 164 | 124 | 29 | 11 |
970 | And now ladies and gentlemen, watch as your vote disappears before your very eyes! | 1.3107 | 0.04385 | 177 | 133 | 33 | 11 |
971 | And for my next trick: The Trump/Putin Meeting Notes Disappearance Act | 1.3106 | 0.04513 | 161 | 120 | 32 | 9 |
972 | Not a rabbit this time. Happy, PETA? | 1.3106 | 0.04682 | 161 | 122 | 28 | 11 |
973 | My next trick is President Trump's favorite. I will now make the Mueller Report disappear! | 1.3099 | 0.04857 | 171 | 134 | 21 | 16 |
974 | This next trick I learned from G. Gordon Liddy the Great. | 1.3099 | 0.04253 | 171 | 126 | 37 | 8 |
975 | I am now shredding the insurance policy for my assistant Carol in case of accidental disappearance of disembodiment. | 1.3099 | 0.04857 | 171 | 134 | 21 | 16 |
976 | There goes the Constitution folks! | 1.3099 | 0.04411 | 171 | 128 | 33 | 10 |
977 | Undo! | 1.3097 | 0.04718 | 155 | 117 | 28 | 10 |
978 | Watch carefully, as banking fraud disappears right before your very eyes! | 1.3097 | 0.04537 | 155 | 115 | 32 | 8 |
979 | And for my next trick, I'll make this non-disclosure agreement disappear. | 1.3097 | 0.04718 | 155 | 117 | 28 | 10 |
980 | And, presto, MANY shreds of evidence ! | 1.3097 | 0.04718 | 155 | 117 | 28 | 10 |
981 | And now we insert your ballot, to create a paper trail | 1.3095 | 0.04301 | 168 | 124 | 36 | 8 |
982 | In honor of the shutdown, I'll only recover two thirds of this page. | 1.3095 | 0.04383 | 168 | 125 | 34 | 9 |
983 | The Magic Voting Machine | 1.3095 | 0.04543 | 168 | 127 | 30 | 11 |
984 | I still haven't figured out how to make it re-appear. | 1.3092 | 0.04871 | 152 | 116 | 25 | 11 |
985 | Now, you've all seen the shell game trick, but have you seen the shell company trick? | 1.3091 | 0.04679 | 165 | 126 | 27 | 12 |
986 | Abracadabra is passé, we now just say, Banksy. | 1.3091 | 0.04679 | 165 | 126 | 27 | 12 |
987 | "Now, might anyone in the audience have their own subpoena they'd like me to make disappear?" | 1.3091 | 0.04518 | 165 | 124 | 31 | 10 |
988 | And now to make democracy disappear... | 1.3088 | 0.05272 | 136 | 105 | 20 | 11 |
989 | Votes for democracy in here please. | 1.3086 | 0.04574 | 162 | 122 | 30 | 10 |
990 | I will now insert this magic paper and it will come out in shreds. | 1.3086 | 0.04025 | 175 | 127 | 42 | 6 |
991 | With the help of my able assistant,Sarah Huckabee Sanders, I will make the results of the mid-term elections disappear! | 1.3086 | 0.04185 | 175 | 129 | 38 | 8 |
992 | The real trick is unjamming this piece of paper. | 1.3086 | 0.04561 | 175 | 134 | 28 | 13 |
993 | And here’s how we make a ballot DISAPPEAR… | 1.3082 | 0.04545 | 159 | 119 | 31 | 9 |
994 | These notes from President Trump's meeting with Mr. Putin must be shredded before he eats them | 1.3082 | 0.04883 | 159 | 123 | 23 | 13 |
995 | For my next trick, I shall require some Scotch tape. It could take a while. | 1.3082 | 0.04084 | 159 | 114 | 41 | 4 |
996 | All is illusion--I shred the paper without jamming the shredder! | 1.3081 | 0.04466 | 172 | 130 | 31 | 11 |
997 | And now watch as Donald Trumps tax records disappear. | 1.3081 | 0.04616 | 172 | 132 | 27 | 13 |
998 | If you think this is great, just wait and see what is does to a boiled chicken and a head of iceberg lettuce. | 1.3081 | 0.04542 | 172 | 131 | 29 | 12 |
999 | Viola! It renders intelligible English from hocus-pocus Potus gibberish. | 1.3081 | 0.04389 | 172 | 129 | 33 | 10 |
1000 | And presto! Al Gore is no longer president-elect! | 1.3081 | 0.04389 | 172 | 129 | 33 | 10 |
1001 | Thank you, thank you...for my next trick, I will need the help of a credit card in the audience. | 1.3081 | 0.04108 | 185 | 137 | 39 | 9 |
1002 | And lo! The Constitution disappears by The Make America Great Trumpinski's command! | 1.3081 | 0.04384 | 185 | 141 | 31 | 13 |
1003 | Open shredame! | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
1004 | He doesn’t need me to hold this... but it’s better than getting sawed in half. | 1.3077 | 0.04520 | 169 | 128 | 30 | 11 |
1005 | Watch as evidence vanishes before your very eyes. | 1.3073 | 0.04206 | 192 | 145 | 35 | 12 |
1006 | Here's a trick I learned from Banksy. | 1.3073 | 0.04623 | 179 | 139 | 25 | 15 |
1007 | Now watch me make this bill for The Wall disappear! | 1.3073 | 0.04623 | 179 | 139 | 25 | 15 |
1008 | This is my last letter from Mom telling me I wouldn’t make it as a magician. | 1.3073 | 0.04485 | 179 | 137 | 29 | 13 |
1009 | ...and voila, a Banksy.... | 1.3072 | 0.04413 | 166 | 124 | 33 | 9 |
1010 | Ladies and Gentlemen behold the Bill of Rights | 1.3072 | 0.04884 | 166 | 130 | 21 | 15 |
1011 | The new Vote-O-Matic magically turns one vote into one hundred! | 1.3072 | 0.04654 | 166 | 127 | 27 | 12 |
1012 | I can put The Constitution back together again, believe me. | 1.3072 | 0.04413 | 166 | 124 | 33 | 9 |
1013 | This trick looked better on paper. | 1.3072 | 0.04570 | 153 | 114 | 31 | 8 |
1014 | Behold, my assistant’s disappearing health insurance policy! On a related note, I won’t be sawing her in half anymore. | 1.3072 | 0.04475 | 153 | 113 | 33 | 7 |
1015 | A magician never reveals his secrets- to the IRS. | 1.3072 | 0.04377 | 153 | 112 | 35 | 6 |
1016 | Let's see what The New Yorker does after I shred the list of the remaining 153 captions that have never been submitted. | 1.3071 | 0.04851 | 140 | 105 | 27 | 8 |
1017 | Watch now as my assistant's literary ambition disappears! | 1.3069 | 0.04184 | 189 | 142 | 36 | 11 |
1018 | Abracadabra! And just like that, all evidence of collusion with the Russians disappears! | 1.3069 | 0.04251 | 189 | 143 | 34 | 12 |
1019 | And this is how you do disappearing absentee ballots in North Carolina’s 9th district. | 1.3068 | 0.04393 | 176 | 133 | 32 | 11 |
1020 | It's a letter from the woman I sawed in two... she's half-hearted about taking me to court. | 1.3067 | 0.04380 | 163 | 121 | 34 | 8 |
1021 | Now watch as I make the evidence of collusion disappear! | 1.3067 | 0.04793 | 163 | 126 | 24 | 13 |
1022 | Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere pleasure testifying today before Congress... | 1.3065 | 0.04089 | 186 | 138 | 39 | 9 |
1023 | You think shredding your documents protect your privacy? Watch this! | 1.3064 | 0.03964 | 173 | 125 | 43 | 5 |
1024 | The Amazing Disappearing Ballot | 1.3064 | 0.04519 | 173 | 132 | 29 | 12 |
1025 | Thanks for making me come all the way down here to deposit my ballot. | 1.3062 | 0.04343 | 160 | 118 | 35 | 7 |
1026 | Abracadabra, a pesky House Oversight Committee subpoena is GONE! | 1.3062 | 0.05015 | 160 | 126 | 19 | 15 |
1027 | Try not to act like we do this four times a day. | 1.3060 | 0.04132 | 183 | 136 | 38 | 9 |
1028 | I will now make your New Yorker cartoon caption entry disappear. | 1.3059 | 0.04573 | 170 | 130 | 28 | 12 |
1029 | My favorite trick- any Florida election. | 1.3059 | 0.04497 | 170 | 129 | 30 | 11 |
1030 | Abracadabra - there goes your government check! | 1.3059 | 0.04339 | 170 | 127 | 34 | 9 |
1031 | I swear this is the only way to get the damn thing to work! | 1.3057 | 0.04376 | 193 | 149 | 29 | 15 |
1032 | Abracadabra! You never graduated from Trump University. | 1.3056 | 0.04250 | 180 | 135 | 35 | 10 |
1033 | And for the final trick... I’ll make these votes disappear! | 1.3056 | 0.04250 | 180 | 135 | 35 | 10 |
1034 | The constitution wasn't that good anyway. | 1.3056 | 0.04955 | 144 | 110 | 24 | 10 |
1035 | ...and "presto" my ballott it counted in Florida! | 1.3054 | 0.04630 | 167 | 128 | 27 | 12 |
1036 | If this goes well, we may be moving on from the box and the saw. | 1.3054 | 0.04136 | 167 | 122 | 39 | 6 |
1037 | Now, with a wave of my wand, this work from Christo will increase in value! | 1.3053 | 0.04165 | 190 | 143 | 36 | 11 |
1038 | Bills piling up? No problem with the incredible Shred-o-matic! | 1.3052 | 0.04544 | 154 | 115 | 31 | 8 |
1039 | The interpreter's notes are being fed into this shredder. Next, I'll pull an indictment out of her ear. | 1.3052 | 0.04450 | 154 | 114 | 33 | 7 |
1040 | Ladies and gentlemen, this is an old trick that I learned from G. Gordon Liddy | 1.3050 | 0.04606 | 141 | 104 | 31 | 6 |
1041 | A magician may never reveal his trick, but he can certainly shred the evidence. | 1.3049 | 0.04526 | 164 | 124 | 30 | 10 |
1042 | Who says shredding evidence can’t be fun? | 1.3049 | 0.04608 | 164 | 125 | 28 | 11 |
1043 | Ala Ka Zee - Ala Ka Smaxes ,This is why you will never see Trumps Taxes! | 1.3046 | 0.04972 | 151 | 117 | 22 | 12 |
1044 | Because of the sawing the lady misfortune I'm back to paper restoring only. | 1.3046 | 0.04791 | 151 | 115 | 26 | 10 |
1045 | And for my next trick, I will make your pension funds disappear. You may remember this classic from our 2007 tour. | 1.3046 | 0.04642 | 174 | 135 | 25 | 14 |
1046 | And Abracadabra, out comes a Banksy! | 1.3043 | 0.04582 | 161 | 122 | 29 | 10 |
1047 | This isn’t working, do you know how to dance. | 1.3043 | 0.04988 | 161 | 127 | 19 | 15 |
1048 | One tap of my wand and this document will become a valuable work of art. | 1.3041 | 0.04550 | 171 | 131 | 28 | 12 |
1049 | And now the collusion | 1.3041 | 0.04550 | 171 | 131 | 28 | 12 |
1050 | And the House thought I would veto it. | 1.3041 | 0.04071 | 171 | 125 | 40 | 6 |
1051 | Yes, it's true - it is the Social Contract. | 1.3039 | 0.04511 | 181 | 140 | 27 | 14 |
1052 | And voila! Trump’s translstor’s notes from his meeting with Putin magically reappear! | 1.3038 | 0.05056 | 158 | 125 | 18 | 15 |
1053 | Subpoena. subpawna. subpohna. | 1.3036 | 0.04528 | 168 | 128 | 29 | 11 |
1054 | My next impossible feat, Mr. President, is to try to protect you from impeachment the only way I know how .... | 1.3036 | 0.04528 | 168 | 128 | 29 | 11 |
1055 | For my next trick, I'll turn this shredded copy of the Constitution into a border wall and then run for President. | 1.3036 | 0.04606 | 168 | 129 | 27 | 12 |
1056 | And, voila, our marriage is dissolved. For my next trick... | 1.3036 | 0.04368 | 168 | 126 | 33 | 9 |
1057 | This is not part of the act - it's revenge for years of paper cuts. | 1.3036 | 0.04448 | 168 | 127 | 31 | 10 |
1058 | And now, ladies and gentlemen, my Rosemary Woods impression. | 1.3034 | 0.04827 | 145 | 110 | 26 | 9 |
1059 | Behold as the Great and Powerful Giuliani makes collusion disappear before your very eyes! | 1.3032 | 0.04519 | 155 | 116 | 31 | 8 |
1060 | Say so long to Hillary's last email. | 1.3032 | 0.03981 | 188 | 139 | 41 | 8 |
1061 | Now you see the wall proposal. And now you don’t. | 1.3030 | 0.04663 | 165 | 127 | 26 | 12 |
1062 | I will now place my ballot in this Russian shredder and see who gets elected! | 1.3030 | 0.04819 | 165 | 129 | 22 | 14 |
1063 | The real magic comes when we recycle this. | 1.3029 | 0.04400 | 175 | 133 | 31 | 11 |
1064 | When I wave this Wand of Privilege, my lovely assistant's allegations against me will disappear! I'll be performing this trick with a new assistant tomorrow. | 1.3028 | 0.04468 | 142 | 104 | 33 | 5 |
1065 | I place the collusion evidence in the magic shredder and WALLAH! | 1.3026 | 0.04854 | 152 | 117 | 24 | 11 |
1066 | Behold! This is the new ballot box/shredder combo machine. If the voter votes for another dumbass, the ballot will be shredded. | 1.3026 | 0.04943 | 152 | 118 | 22 | 12 |
1067 | And voila! The end of voter fraud! | 1.3026 | 0.04481 | 152 | 113 | 32 | 7 |
1068 | I call this my Banksy trick. | 1.3025 | 0.04208 | 162 | 119 | 37 | 6 |
1069 | Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North and Fawn Hall take their magic show on the road. | 1.3025 | 0.04473 | 162 | 122 | 31 | 9 |
1070 | And now I will...oops! Wrong one. | 1.3025 | 0.04558 | 162 | 123 | 29 | 10 |
1071 | For my next trick, tax evasion. | 1.3023 | 0.04527 | 172 | 132 | 28 | 12 |
1072 | And now I will make all evidence of collusion disappear! | 1.3023 | 0.04747 | 172 | 135 | 22 | 15 |
1073 | Excuse me, Ms. Snipes, is this the voting box for absentee ballots? | 1.3023 | 0.04374 | 172 | 130 | 32 | 10 |
1074 | And this is how we feed the rabbit. | 1.3023 | 0.04374 | 172 | 130 | 32 | 10 |
1075 | Watch me make this Mueller report disappear! | 1.3023 | 0.04296 | 172 | 129 | 34 | 9 |
1076 | And now I place this secret document into the Paul Manafort Signature Model Shredder ... | 1.3023 | 0.04296 | 172 | 129 | 34 | 9 |
1077 | Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, let's watch Ms. Giggle's contract disappear as we find out she shared all my tricks on the internet. | 1.3020 | 0.04733 | 149 | 113 | 27 | 9 |
1078 | And just like that, the minority vote DISAPPEARS! | 1.3020 | 0.05102 | 149 | 117 | 19 | 13 |
1079 | The rabbit made an awful mess. | 1.3019 | 0.04528 | 159 | 120 | 30 | 9 |
1080 | Not what I expected when you promised to make my debt disappear. | 1.3019 | 0.04615 | 159 | 121 | 28 | 10 |
1081 | And for my next trick,one that actually works. | 1.3019 | 0.04615 | 159 | 121 | 28 | 10 |
1082 | So now you're thinking, No Congressional committee will ever know the contents of THAT document, right? | 1.3019 | 0.04349 | 159 | 118 | 34 | 7 |
1083 | If you think about it, it's still a trick. | 1.3018 | 0.04345 | 169 | 127 | 33 | 9 |
1084 | And then for $1million, I will make Banksy appear! | 1.3017 | 0.04329 | 179 | 136 | 32 | 11 |
1085 | And with one tap of my wand, I will make all Russian collusion disappear! | 1.3017 | 0.04329 | 179 | 136 | 32 | 11 |
1086 | Abracadabra, Trump's tax returns." | 1.3013 | 0.04675 | 156 | 119 | 27 | 10 |
1087 | Presto-chango, and...not guilty! | 1.3013 | 0.04585 | 156 | 118 | 29 | 9 |
1088 | My mother was right, marry a doctor. | 1.3012 | 0.04396 | 166 | 125 | 32 | 9 |
1089 | Do not try this trick at home, unless you also have a shredder. | 1.3012 | 0.04313 | 166 | 124 | 34 | 8 |
1090 | :...and this trick I like to call...the Oliver North." | 1.3011 | 0.04284 | 186 | 142 | 32 | 12 |
1091 | Banksey taught me this back when I was an art critic. | 1.3011 | 0.04215 | 186 | 141 | 34 | 11 |
1092 | He is such a bad magician he has to use a shredder to make a piece of paper disappear. | 1.3007 | 0.04865 | 143 | 109 | 25 | 9 |
1093 | Bet thisn’t what you thought I meant by “stripper?” | 1.3007 | 0.04551 | 153 | 115 | 30 | 8 |
1094 | And now, ladies and gentlemen...I will make my heretofore unsubstantiated relationship with Russia disappear. Oh, and my tax records! | 1.3007 | 0.04915 | 153 | 119 | 22 | 12 |
1095 | Behold! The Un-shredder! | 1.3007 | 0.04551 | 153 | 115 | 30 | 8 |
1096 | As you can see ladies and gentlemen, there is no collusion. | 1.3007 | 0.05001 | 153 | 120 | 20 | 13 |
1097 | Next, a little something my accountant calls the "leave no trace" trick. | 1.3007 | 0.04736 | 153 | 117 | 26 | 10 |
1098 | You're right, this works a lot better than a dove." | 1.3006 | 0.04352 | 173 | 131 | 32 | 10 |
1099 | I used to hide the coin behind my ear,but the IRS caught on. | 1.3006 | 0.04723 | 173 | 136 | 22 | 15 |
1100 | Don't try this with a live rabbit. | 1.3006 | 0.04352 | 173 | 131 | 32 | 10 |
1101 | This ballot will reappear in a very different form! | 1.3006 | 0.04275 | 173 | 130 | 34 | 9 |
1102 | And now I shall make this subpoena from Robert Mueller disappear..like magic! | 1.3005 | 0.04109 | 193 | 146 | 36 | 11 |
1103 | For all my past and current assistants claiming abuse and wishing for a mere shred of evidence- wish granted! | 1.3000 | 0.04706 | 150 | 114 | 27 | 9 |
1104 | Does he really think hiring magicians is going to make the whole Russia thing disappear? | 1.3000 | 0.04558 | 170 | 131 | 27 | 12 |
1105 | And now you will witness my vote magically disappear. | 1.3000 | 0.04159 | 170 | 126 | 37 | 7 |
1106 | And now, my subpoena into confetti trick. | 1.3000 | 0.04504 | 160 | 121 | 30 | 9 |
1107 | If it's not a rabbit that comes out of the bottom, run like hell. | 1.3000 | 0.05139 | 140 | 109 | 20 | 11 |
1108 | My mother was right. Big wand small hands. | 1.3000 | 0.04416 | 160 | 120 | 32 | 8 |
1109 | They'll never suspect, if I just make it part of the act! | 1.3000 | 0.04504 | 160 | 121 | 30 | 9 |
1110 | And for this trick, I will amend my tax return. | 1.3000 | 0.04152 | 190 | 144 | 35 | 11 |
1111 | Thank you, Miss Jones. This is the perfect cover for obstruction of justice! | 1.2995 | 0.03838 | 187 | 137 | 44 | 6 |
1112 | Ipso Facto, Shreddo | 1.2994 | 0.04502 | 177 | 137 | 27 | 13 |
1113 | And just like that the notes from the Trump Putin meeting disappear | 1.2994 | 0.04455 | 167 | 127 | 30 | 10 |
1114 | For my next trick, I will make a shredder not jam. | 1.2994 | 0.04614 | 167 | 129 | 26 | 12 |
1115 | And now watch as I magically make this evidence disappear. | 1.2994 | 0.04206 | 167 | 124 | 36 | 7 |
1116 | You haven't been replaced, okay. I'll saw you in half later. | 1.2994 | 0.04536 | 167 | 128 | 28 | 11 |
1117 | Observe how I make this ballot magically disappear! | 1.2994 | 0.04377 | 157 | 117 | 33 | 7 |
1118 | 'Abraconomics!' I wave my corporate wand, and now there is no pension. | 1.2994 | 0.04649 | 157 | 120 | 27 | 10 |
1119 | And for my next trick, I'll show you the simple art of taking back the district | 1.2994 | 0.04560 | 157 | 119 | 29 | 9 |
1120 | And on the third tap, this shredded document will mysteriously reappear in the Cayman Islands! | 1.2994 | 0.03987 | 157 | 113 | 41 | 3 |
1121 | I learned this next trick from legendary illusionist Arthur Andersen. | 1.2993 | 0.04770 | 147 | 112 | 26 | 9 |
1122 | When I say the magic words, the IRS will have no memory of your tax return. | 1.2988 | 0.04509 | 164 | 125 | 29 | 10 |
1123 | SEE I FIXED IT | 1.2988 | 0.04672 | 164 | 127 | 25 | 12 |
1124 | And, abracadabra, to the special counsel's delight, shredded documents magically reappear. | 1.2988 | 0.04509 | 164 | 125 | 29 | 10 |
1125 | Even I can't make Trump's words disappear. | 1.2988 | 0.04752 | 164 | 128 | 23 | 13 |
1126 | Presto! I will no longer go to prison for fraud! | 1.2988 | 0.04164 | 164 | 121 | 37 | 6 |
1127 | Gina, trust me. America’s Got Talent will eat this up. | 1.2987 | 0.04526 | 154 | 116 | 30 | 8 |
1128 | O' K' Ivanka, tell your dad not to worry about a thing. | 1.2987 | 0.04526 | 154 | 116 | 30 | 8 |
1129 | Abra Ca Dabra: There goes the Mueller report! | 1.2986 | 0.04836 | 144 | 110 | 25 | 9 |
1130 | ... And the Harassment Clause of my assistant's contract... | 1.2984 | 0.04199 | 191 | 146 | 33 | 12 |
1131 | For my next trick I'm going to find an assistant who knows how to work a printer. | 1.2983 | 0.04215 | 181 | 137 | 34 | 10 |
1132 | "For my next trick... Donna, where are your pants?" | 1.2983 | 0.04142 | 181 | 136 | 36 | 9 |
1133 | And now I will make this ordinary piece of evidence disappear. | 1.2983 | 0.04287 | 181 | 138 | 32 | 11 |
1134 | If Nixon had done this with his tapes, he'd still be president | 1.2983 | 0.04067 | 181 | 135 | 38 | 8 |
1135 | And now, with a wave of my wand, I will now make a work of art by Banksy. | 1.2982 | 0.04610 | 171 | 133 | 25 | 13 |
1136 | It's our new voting system. The outcome is a miracle. | 1.2982 | 0.04535 | 171 | 132 | 27 | 12 |
1137 | And then you just shred your dignity like so... | 1.2982 | 0.04381 | 171 | 130 | 31 | 10 |
1138 | And now the final step in assuring that this can never be traced back to individual # 1! | 1.2982 | 0.04535 | 171 | 132 | 27 | 12 |
1139 | Anyone know how to fix a paper jam? | 1.2982 | 0.04221 | 171 | 128 | 35 | 8 |
1140 | And now--we shall make fraud and misrepresentation litigation disappear. | 1.2982 | 0.04221 | 171 | 128 | 35 | 8 |
1141 | Now watch as the IRS makes my debt reappear | 1.2981 | 0.04894 | 161 | 127 | 20 | 14 |
1142 | This new voting machine is real sharp. It even recycles. | 1.2981 | 0.04650 | 161 | 124 | 26 | 11 |
1143 | Now watch as my Yelp reviews disappear | 1.2981 | 0.04894 | 161 | 127 | 20 | 14 |
1144 | And for my next trick - I make a felony disappear. | 1.2979 | 0.05205 | 141 | 111 | 18 | 12 |
1145 | Voilà...presidential tax returns! | 1.2976 | 0.04184 | 168 | 125 | 36 | 7 |
1146 | Crank it up a notch. I gotta get rid of this warrant before intermission ends. | 1.2976 | 0.04512 | 168 | 129 | 28 | 11 |
1147 | The President doesn't care how I make the Mueller report disappear! | 1.2976 | 0.04432 | 168 | 128 | 30 | 10 |
1148 | And I say the magic word - BANKSY!!!!!!!! | 1.2975 | 0.04535 | 158 | 120 | 29 | 9 |
1149 | For my next trick I will make my collusions with Russia Disappear!! | 1.2973 | 0.04742 | 148 | 113 | 26 | 9 |
1150 | Voila! What once was shredded is now...evidence. | 1.2973 | 0.04742 | 148 | 113 | 26 | 9 |
1151 | And that, my friends, is how you make evidence disappear. | 1.2973 | 0.04544 | 148 | 111 | 30 | 7 |
1152 | My next trick is debt-defying. | 1.2971 | 0.04309 | 175 | 133 | 32 | 10 |
1153 | Yes, the rabbit does live in there and this is how he gets fresh bedding. | 1.2971 | 0.04385 | 175 | 134 | 30 | 11 |
1154 | This may not produce a rabbit, but it could make our legal problems disappear.... | 1.2971 | 0.04233 | 175 | 132 | 34 | 9 |
1155 | Ladies and Gentlemen, this "tax evasion" number is literally cutting-edge | 1.2971 | 0.04869 | 138 | 105 | 25 | 8 |
1156 | Giuliani defends Trump: "...and abracadabra, not a shred of evidence here!" | 1.2970 | 0.04318 | 165 | 124 | 33 | 8 |
1157 | For my next trick, I will make an official ballot disappear. | 1.2970 | 0.04231 | 165 | 123 | 35 | 7 |
1158 | I learned this ballot box trick from comrade Putin. | 1.2970 | 0.04486 | 165 | 126 | 29 | 10 |
1159 | No! Banksy stole this trick from me! | 1.2970 | 0.04567 | 165 | 127 | 27 | 11 |
1160 | Watch very closely as I make the President’s tax return disappear. | 1.2968 | 0.04593 | 155 | 118 | 28 | 9 |
1161 | okay, this time will try it with paper and if it works, we'll use the rabbit again | 1.2968 | 0.04859 | 155 | 121 | 22 | 12 |
1162 | And the Federal debt seems to disappear... | 1.2967 | 0.04122 | 182 | 137 | 36 | 9 |
1163 | For my next trick, I will make whole the shredded IRS returns of the President. | 1.2966 | 0.04906 | 145 | 112 | 23 | 10 |
1164 | Ladies and gentlemen, the power of magic is about to reveal the President's complete tax return. | 1.2965 | 0.04280 | 172 | 130 | 33 | 9 |
1165 | I will now make this cartoon caption entry disappear. | 1.2965 | 0.04035 | 172 | 127 | 39 | 6 |
1166 | Now, I chant the magic word Vladimir three times and presto, change, those notes are from a meeting that never even happened. | 1.2965 | 0.04512 | 172 | 133 | 27 | 12 |
1167 | ...and now for my final act... an original Banksy | 1.2963 | 0.04541 | 162 | 124 | 28 | 10 |
1168 | For my next trick, I will plead the fifth before Congress. | 1.2963 | 0.04624 | 162 | 125 | 26 | 11 |
1169 | AbracaBansky | 1.2963 | 0.04369 | 162 | 122 | 32 | 8 |
1170 | A magician never reveals his secrets... or his sensitive account information. | 1.2963 | 0.04369 | 162 | 122 | 32 | 8 |
1171 | Now watch as I make this piece of damning evidence magically disappear! | 1.2963 | 0.04541 | 162 | 124 | 28 | 10 |
1172 | I learned this trick from Banksy. | 1.2961 | 0.04925 | 152 | 119 | 21 | 12 |
1173 | Voila! Coleslaw. | 1.2959 | 0.04329 | 169 | 128 | 32 | 9 |
1174 | I will now make my tax liabilities disappear... | 1.2959 | 0.04329 | 169 | 128 | 32 | 9 |
1175 | I take these confidential papers, say the magic words, ‘reductio ad absurdum’, and it’s like nothing ever happened. | 1.2959 | 0.04643 | 169 | 132 | 24 | 13 |
1176 | And that ladies and gentleman is how you make tax returns disappear. | 1.2956 | 0.04598 | 159 | 122 | 27 | 10 |
1177 | I will now make Russian Collusion disappear. | 1.2955 | 0.04581 | 176 | 138 | 24 | 14 |
1178 | Going, going Banksy. | 1.2955 | 0.04288 | 176 | 134 | 32 | 10 |
1179 | And the Banksy is now magically reassembled! | 1.2955 | 0.04651 | 176 | 139 | 22 | 15 |
1180 | And now I will magically shred this evidence for Mr. Trump. | 1.2953 | 0.04351 | 193 | 151 | 27 | 15 |
1181 | Jeff your not a magician and we still have to pay the bill! | 1.2953 | 0.05084 | 149 | 118 | 18 | 13 |
1182 | Oi vey! It's whole again! | 1.2952 | 0.04210 | 166 | 124 | 35 | 7 |
1183 | Taxes done, now to run for President | 1.2952 | 0.04380 | 166 | 126 | 31 | 9 |
1184 | And Voila, the indictment goes away! | 1.2952 | 0.04380 | 166 | 126 | 31 | 9 |
1185 | Thank you madam for your federal-employment contract; let's put it through this and we'll see what happens... | 1.2952 | 0.04380 | 166 | 126 | 31 | 9 |
1186 | Prototype Magic Ballot Box (TM) for 2020 Trump supporters. | 1.2951 | 0.04103 | 183 | 138 | 36 | 9 |
1187 | If this works, the original Bill of Rights should come out of my hat. | 1.2951 | 0.04175 | 183 | 139 | 34 | 10 |
1188 | Presto-Chango....Now...into the Electoral College counter.... | 1.2949 | 0.04745 | 156 | 121 | 24 | 11 |
1189 | I assure you! This is NOT a trick! | 1.2948 | 0.04337 | 173 | 132 | 31 | 10 |
1190 | And just like that the interpreter’s notes disappear. For the interpreter, we’ll need a wood chipper. | 1.2948 | 0.04563 | 173 | 135 | 25 | 13 |
1191 | And for my next act, I'll do my taxes without receipts. | 1.2945 | 0.04876 | 146 | 113 | 23 | 10 |
1192 | ....then....from this shredded tax return...voila! A presidency! | 1.2945 | 0.04681 | 163 | 127 | 24 | 12 |
1193 | It’s magic! Hillary’s missing emails have reappeared! | 1.2945 | 0.04432 | 163 | 124 | 30 | 9 |
1194 | And for my next trick, Mr. President, I'll turn proof of collusion into pretty confetti! | 1.2945 | 0.04346 | 163 | 123 | 32 | 8 |
1195 | No deductions up my sleeve. | 1.2945 | 0.04258 | 163 | 122 | 34 | 7 |
1196 | ... And after our vote gets processed by the E-Voter2016 machine,it gets sent to the electoral college. | 1.2945 | 0.04600 | 163 | 126 | 26 | 11 |
1197 | I used a white rabbit before PETA got wind of it. | 1.2945 | 0.04600 | 163 | 126 | 26 | 11 |
1198 | Notice my hand never leaves the mail fraud evidence. | 1.2944 | 0.04071 | 180 | 135 | 37 | 8 |
1199 | And now I will feed this ordinary page of translater’s notes into the shredder..... | 1.2944 | 0.04146 | 180 | 136 | 35 | 9 |
1200 | Yes, it's your resume. Or did you change your mind about the sword box? | 1.2941 | 0.04307 | 170 | 129 | 32 | 9 |
1201 | Presidential interpreter | 1.2941 | 0.04436 | 153 | 115 | 31 | 7 |
1202 | Do you remember the trick to unjamming these? | 1.2941 | 0.04135 | 153 | 112 | 37 | 4 |
1203 | And now I present to you, the results of the presidential election. | 1.2941 | 0.05231 | 136 | 107 | 18 | 11 |
1204 | And with a waiver of my wand, your vote disappears! | 1.2941 | 0.04307 | 170 | 129 | 32 | 9 |
1205 | The real magic is making your student loan debt disappear! | 1.2941 | 0.03897 | 187 | 139 | 41 | 7 |
1206 | And now, for my old "Shred of Evidence Trick"! | 1.2938 | 0.04415 | 177 | 137 | 28 | 12 |
1207 | Now presenting... How to Cut Your Bills in Half! | 1.2934 | 0.04599 | 167 | 130 | 25 | 12 |
1208 | And the Oscar goes too... | 1.2931 | 0.04466 | 174 | 135 | 27 | 12 |
1209 | Now watch closely as I make my student loans disappear. | 1.2930 | 0.04167 | 157 | 116 | 36 | 5 |
1210 | Buck up, Lisa. We're performing for the President this weekend. | 1.2928 | 0.04127 | 181 | 137 | 35 | 9 |
1211 | I call this the Banksy. | 1.2928 | 0.04200 | 181 | 138 | 33 | 10 |
1212 | For my next trick, I will make the Russian Interpreter's notes disappear! | 1.2928 | 0.04052 | 181 | 136 | 37 | 8 |
1213 | and NOW.......The missing POTUS Tax Return!! | 1.2928 | 0.04414 | 181 | 141 | 27 | 13 |
1214 | Presto! Chango! Subpoena Disappearo! | 1.2928 | 0.04127 | 181 | 137 | 35 | 9 |
1215 | I will put my ballot into the ballot box, wave my magic wand, and undo the results of the last presidential election. | 1.2927 | 0.04235 | 164 | 123 | 34 | 7 |
1216 | And that, Mr Trump, is why I, the Magnificent Magoo, should be your lawyer! | 1.2927 | 0.04575 | 164 | 127 | 26 | 11 |
1217 | What is it about a shredder that makes me feel like a magician? | 1.2927 | 0.04408 | 164 | 125 | 30 | 9 |
1218 | I now invite Mr. Mueller to come to the stage. | 1.2926 | 0.04093 | 188 | 143 | 35 | 10 |
1219 | Watch carefully, Ladies and Gentlemen. Later in the show I shall use my magic wand to reconstitute this absentee ballot. | 1.2924 | 0.04285 | 171 | 130 | 32 | 9 |
1220 | Behold, ladies and gentlemen, as I make this vote miraculously disappear. | 1.2924 | 0.04365 | 171 | 131 | 30 | 10 |
1221 | I am a magician, not a freaking accountant. | 1.2922 | 0.04600 | 154 | 118 | 27 | 9 |
1222 | For my next act I will be getting the IRS off my back | 1.2922 | 0.04411 | 154 | 116 | 31 | 7 |
1223 | This is the Constitution. Wish me luck... | 1.2921 | 0.04094 | 178 | 134 | 36 | 8 |
1224 | As promised in my confirmation hearing, here is the Meuller Report. | 1.2919 | 0.04462 | 161 | 123 | 29 | 9 |
1225 | Watch the paper disappear and then reappear as a shredded rabbit. | 1.2919 | 0.04632 | 161 | 125 | 25 | 11 |
1226 | No matter. It was mostly in Russian anyway. | 1.2919 | 0.04632 | 161 | 125 | 25 | 11 |
1227 | I don’t think magic will work dear... It has to be a Banksy for it to double in value when you shred. | 1.2919 | 0.04065 | 185 | 140 | 36 | 9 |
1228 | I call my next trick The Amazing Bladen County Ballot Box. | 1.2917 | 0.04652 | 168 | 132 | 23 | 13 |
1229 | Watch, as I make my assistant's sexual harassment complaint magically disappear! | 1.2917 | 0.04574 | 168 | 131 | 25 | 12 |
1230 | The spirit of Houdini tells me the rabbit is in dire need of new bedding | 1.2914 | 0.04058 | 175 | 131 | 37 | 7 |
1231 | Trust me, it's a lot more impressive with a rabbit. | 1.2914 | 0.04370 | 175 | 135 | 29 | 11 |
1232 | And now please observe me destroying the contract in which it states that I will appear to saw Lydia’s body in half in a way that is objectifying and demeaning. | 1.2914 | 0.04660 | 151 | 116 | 26 | 9 |
1233 | And presto, the fraud case against me disappears! | 1.2914 | 0.04366 | 151 | 113 | 32 | 6 |
1234 | I do not think inserting a piece of paper in a shredder is the warm-up I want you doing before you saw me in half. | 1.2911 | 0.04517 | 158 | 121 | 28 | 9 |
1235 | I thought for the trial run, we'd just use paper. | 1.2911 | 0.04517 | 158 | 121 | 28 | 9 |
1236 | Now I reverse the shredder, and, presto, out comes a perfect copy of President Trump's translator's notes from his Helsinki meeting with Vladimir Putin! | 1.2911 | 0.04605 | 158 | 122 | 26 | 10 |
1237 | Here is the "disappearing Mueller Report" trick that the Republican members of my audience love. | 1.2910 | 0.04005 | 189 | 143 | 37 | 9 |
1238 | Once again the Russians have interfered , this was supposed to be a rabbit | 1.2910 | 0.04342 | 189 | 148 | 27 | 14 |
1239 | and now I will make the evidence disappear! | 1.2909 | 0.04300 | 165 | 125 | 32 | 8 |
1240 | This trick seems to work much better with paper than it does with birds. | 1.2909 | 0.04469 | 165 | 127 | 28 | 10 |
1241 | The real illusion will be convincing the board that we didn't actually do this. | 1.2909 | 0.04385 | 165 | 126 | 30 | 9 |
1242 | And now I will demonstrate how to make a ballot disappear! | 1.2909 | 0.04469 | 165 | 127 | 28 | 10 |
1243 | I'll now transform my assistant's harassment suit into a dove. | 1.2909 | 0.04551 | 165 | 128 | 26 | 11 |
1244 | Thank you, translator. That's all I need. | 1.2909 | 0.04631 | 165 | 129 | 24 | 12 |
1245 | And at the count of three, no more incriminating evidence. | 1.2909 | 0.04213 | 165 | 124 | 34 | 7 |
1246 | And for my next collusion, watch as I make the allegations disappear | 1.2908 | 0.05087 | 141 | 111 | 19 | 11 |
1247 | ...and here we will shred the interpreter's notes from Helsinki | 1.2907 | 0.04496 | 172 | 134 | 26 | 12 |
1248 | And for all you youngins out there, before the delete button, we had something more reliable.” | 1.2907 | 0.04343 | 172 | 132 | 30 | 10 |
1249 | As Attorney General, my next trick is to make these translator's notes disappear. | 1.2907 | 0.04496 | 172 | 134 | 26 | 12 |
1250 | The new attorney general makes a show of reading Robert Mueller’s report at a White House party. | 1.2905 | 0.04722 | 148 | 114 | 25 | 9 |
1251 | And with a swish of my wand, I will clear the jam! | 1.2905 | 0.04722 | 148 | 114 | 25 | 9 |
1252 | This trick worked for Banksy! | 1.2905 | 0.04151 | 179 | 136 | 34 | 9 |
1253 | For my final act, I will make my prenuptial agreement disappear. | 1.2905 | 0.04074 | 179 | 135 | 36 | 8 |
1254 | Abraca....dagnabit! I actually needed that. | 1.2903 | 0.04191 | 155 | 115 | 35 | 5 |
1255 | Folks this thing is not even plugged in! | 1.2903 | 0.04387 | 155 | 117 | 31 | 7 |
1256 | Insert here and voila! No more Constitution. | 1.2903 | 0.04481 | 155 | 118 | 29 | 8 |
1257 | Miss McGyver, I believe your thumb has jammed the mechanism. | 1.2903 | 0.04665 | 155 | 120 | 25 | 10 |
1258 | ...for my next trick, these teeny, tiny hands will pull a great big beautiful wall out of my hat! | 1.2899 | 0.05060 | 138 | 108 | 20 | 10 |
1259 | That was the death certificate for the other girl. | 1.2898 | 0.04422 | 176 | 137 | 27 | 12 |
1260 | And this ladies and gentlemen is the magic of the KonMari method. | 1.2898 | 0.04272 | 176 | 135 | 31 | 10 |
1261 | Watch as I make the president's tax returns disappear. | 1.2898 | 0.04272 | 176 | 135 | 31 | 10 |
1262 | And now, I will make your vote disappear. | 1.2898 | 0.04118 | 176 | 133 | 35 | 8 |
1263 | I hear there is an even better magician named Bob Mueller who will make the evidence reappear. | 1.2898 | 0.04038 | 176 | 132 | 37 | 7 |
1264 | Now watch as I make the photos that my wife had of you and me disappear! | 1.2898 | 0.03957 | 176 | 131 | 39 | 6 |
1265 | Watch carefully, I will bring back the Trump-Putin Meetings Notes. | 1.2897 | 0.04982 | 145 | 114 | 20 | 11 |
1266 | My genius “ magician “ believes there’s only one copy of our prenup . | 1.2897 | 0.04786 | 145 | 112 | 24 | 9 |
1267 | Presto! And the Mueller report disappears. | 1.2895 | 0.04240 | 152 | 113 | 34 | 5 |
1268 | Now observe as I magically transform this restraining order into harmless confetti! | 1.2893 | 0.04666 | 159 | 124 | 24 | 11 |
1269 | Muller will never find it here | 1.2892 | 0.04362 | 166 | 127 | 30 | 9 |
1270 | Watch closely folks, here's a trick that blew their minds in the Oval Office! | 1.2892 | 0.04362 | 166 | 127 | 30 | 9 |
1271 | Before your very eyes, a presidential address becomes an anthology of tweets. | 1.2892 | 0.04191 | 166 | 125 | 34 | 7 |
1272 | And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, performing for the first time in public, I give you The Great Banksy...!!! | 1.2890 | 0.04398 | 173 | 134 | 28 | 11 |
1273 | This is your ballot; this is a ballot box. | 1.2890 | 0.04162 | 173 | 131 | 34 | 8 |
1274 | For my next trick, watch me make President Trump's subpoena disappear. | 1.2890 | 0.03997 | 173 | 129 | 38 | 6 |
1275 | Data! | 1.2889 | 0.05028 | 135 | 105 | 21 | 9 |
1276 | For my next trick I will make your job disappear. | 1.2886 | 0.04790 | 149 | 116 | 23 | 10 |
1277 | This will shred any doubt that I'm a true magician. | 1.2885 | 0.04727 | 156 | 122 | 23 | 11 |
1278 | Voila! The president’s Putin notes disappear! | 1.2883 | 0.04239 | 163 | 123 | 33 | 7 |
1279 | And, the Trump Tax Returns look like ... | 1.2882 | 0.04290 | 170 | 130 | 31 | 9 |
1280 | As my mother always said, why hire an accountant when you’ve got MAGIC! | 1.2882 | 0.04290 | 170 | 130 | 31 | 9 |
1281 | And presto! All your hopes and dreams are gone. | 1.2882 | 0.04208 | 170 | 129 | 33 | 8 |
1282 | Yes, this is how 50 Shades of Grey ends. For good. | 1.2881 | 0.04175 | 177 | 135 | 33 | 9 |
1283 | With a quick 'abracadabra' the U.S. Constitution is 'Trumped'. | 1.2880 | 0.04141 | 184 | 141 | 33 | 10 |
1284 | And my next trick will be avoiding an indictment. | 1.2880 | 0.03843 | 184 | 137 | 41 | 6 |
1285 | And here's the page that keeps Social Security running for another 150 years. | 1.2877 | 0.04657 | 146 | 112 | 26 | 8 |
1286 | A magician never reveals his secrets. | 1.2875 | 0.04640 | 160 | 125 | 24 | 11 |
1287 | There! Magically, one vote is now thirty minority votes. | 1.2874 | 0.04582 | 167 | 131 | 24 | 12 |
1288 | Miss Shimansky was beginning to have doubts about the interview process for administrative assistant. | 1.2874 | 0.04582 | 167 | 131 | 24 | 12 |
1289 | Watch in wonder as I make a letter from my ex-wife’s attorneys disappear. | 1.2874 | 0.04082 | 167 | 125 | 36 | 6 |
1290 | Abraca - PAPER JAM! | 1.2874 | 0.04339 | 167 | 128 | 30 | 9 |
1291 | I call this trick "the subpoena solution". | 1.2874 | 0.04339 | 167 | 128 | 30 | 9 |
1292 | I learned this banking trick during the Great Recession. | 1.2873 | 0.04258 | 181 | 140 | 30 | 11 |
1293 | Watch as I attempt to cut the evidence against me in half. | 1.2873 | 0.04537 | 181 | 144 | 22 | 15 |
1294 | Who really reads instructions? | 1.2873 | 0.04111 | 181 | 138 | 34 | 9 |
1295 | President Trump's brand new Attorney General, making his very first appearance, along with the U.S. Constitution -- its very last. | 1.2867 | 0.04824 | 143 | 111 | 23 | 9 |
1296 | And for my next trick, watch me unshread wheat! | 1.2867 | 0.04667 | 150 | 116 | 25 | 9 |
1297 | Uh oh, we may have found Trump’s long lost tax return! | 1.2866 | 0.04432 | 157 | 120 | 29 | 8 |
1298 | I’ll keep the return here, for safe keeping | 1.2866 | 0.04786 | 157 | 124 | 21 | 12 |
1299 | The magic part is when I make this credit score disappear from Google. | 1.2866 | 0.04612 | 157 | 122 | 25 | 10 |
1300 | Fleer-o, schmeer-o, criminal record disappear-o! | 1.2866 | 0.04035 | 164 | 122 | 37 | 5 |
1301 | ... and there goes your vote. | 1.2866 | 0.04475 | 164 | 127 | 27 | 10 |
1302 | And now let's see what news the toaster of fate will bring us. | 1.2865 | 0.04104 | 171 | 129 | 35 | 7 |
1303 | Shut down or no shut down, we still have to shred. | 1.2865 | 0.04268 | 171 | 131 | 31 | 9 |
1304 | Now watch as I file my tax return. | 1.2865 | 0.04450 | 178 | 140 | 25 | 13 |
1305 | Now watch carefully as the incriminating document miraculously disappears! | 1.2865 | 0.04078 | 178 | 135 | 35 | 8 |
1306 | Et voila, hanging chads! | 1.2865 | 0.04155 | 178 | 136 | 33 | 9 |
1307 | Watch as I make my assistant's sexual harassment claim disappear right before her eyes! | 1.2857 | 0.04530 | 161 | 125 | 26 | 10 |
1308 | And it will re-appear as Trump’s tax turns! | 1.2857 | 0.04558 | 168 | 132 | 24 | 12 |
1309 | Only 32,999 left to go. | 1.2857 | 0.04399 | 168 | 130 | 28 | 10 |
1310 | Alice will now take this backstage to Mueller the Magical Mender. | 1.2857 | 0.04528 | 147 | 112 | 28 | 7 |
1311 | For my next trick I will make this Cartoon Caption Contest submission DISAPPEAR! | 1.2857 | 0.04530 | 161 | 125 | 26 | 10 |
1312 | For my next trick I'll need an omelet. | 1.2857 | 0.04698 | 161 | 127 | 22 | 12 |
1313 | And voilà — my embarrassing high school poetry disappears. | 1.2857 | 0.04193 | 154 | 115 | 34 | 5 |
1314 | Watch as this environmental regulation disappears! | 1.2857 | 0.04129 | 189 | 146 | 32 | 11 |
1315 | And my next trick is to make this document reappear as a fully assembled skirt for you. | 1.2857 | 0.04354 | 175 | 136 | 28 | 11 |
1316 | Now, before we shred my lovely assistant Susan, I'll just prove that it's a real, working paper shredder . . . | 1.2857 | 0.04355 | 161 | 123 | 30 | 8 |
1317 | Ev'ry vote Counts! | 1.2857 | 0.04354 | 175 | 136 | 28 | 11 |
1318 | My next trick will be how you change the results of an election. | 1.2849 | 0.04172 | 186 | 144 | 31 | 11 |
1319 | After I say a few magic words, President Trump's complete IRS 1040 Tax Return will appear. | 1.2849 | 0.04135 | 179 | 137 | 33 | 9 |
1320 | My final trick: tax evasion. Now the IRS sees it, now they don't. | 1.2849 | 0.04247 | 172 | 132 | 31 | 9 |
1321 | And now for the famous Banksy trick. | 1.2849 | 0.04774 | 172 | 139 | 17 | 16 |
1322 | A simple wave of the wand, slight of hand and PRESTO... No collusion! | 1.2849 | 0.04247 | 172 | 132 | 31 | 9 |
1323 | And when this is reassembled, my assistant will read the winning caption. | 1.2848 | 0.04614 | 165 | 130 | 23 | 12 |
1324 | Pay attention, folks. This is a Florida ballot box...watch my vote disappear. | 1.2848 | 0.04533 | 165 | 129 | 25 | 11 |
1325 | On the count of three, your credit rating will emerge intact! | 1.2848 | 0.04282 | 165 | 126 | 31 | 8 |
1326 | And this is one I like to call the "Enron" | 1.2848 | 0.04195 | 165 | 125 | 33 | 7 |
1327 | Abra Cadabra, the President's unshredded tax return! | 1.2848 | 0.04498 | 158 | 122 | 27 | 9 |
1328 | And now for the greatest trick of all...I call it the Banksy... | 1.2848 | 0.04587 | 158 | 123 | 25 | 10 |
1329 | And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, my final act! Watch closely as I turn Robert Mueller’s report on Russian collusion into thousands of tiny bunnies! | 1.2848 | 0.04843 | 158 | 126 | 19 | 13 |
1330 | Ta da! First my novel, next my confidence. | 1.2848 | 0.04315 | 158 | 120 | 31 | 7 |
1331 | And shazam! There goes the evidence. | 1.2847 | 0.04510 | 137 | 103 | 29 | 5 |
1332 | And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the magic behind Shredded Tweet. | 1.2842 | 0.04145 | 183 | 141 | 32 | 10 |
1333 | Banksy's shocking side hustle | 1.2841 | 0.04622 | 176 | 141 | 20 | 15 |
1334 | And now I distract my wife with meaningless patter as I slip our Pre-nup into this Magic Box... | 1.2840 | 0.03863 | 169 | 125 | 40 | 4 |
1335 | A rabbit out of a hat is so last millennium. | 1.2840 | 0.04127 | 169 | 128 | 34 | 7 |
1336 | This trick used to be better but I couldn't afford the doves. | 1.2840 | 0.04456 | 169 | 132 | 26 | 11 |
1337 | And now we will make the government shutdown appear as if the workers are happy to work without pay. | 1.2840 | 0.04590 | 162 | 127 | 24 | 11 |
1338 | And now for my impersonation of a southern voter . . . . | 1.2840 | 0.04332 | 162 | 124 | 30 | 8 |
1339 | Anyone else have a bill you want to see disappear? | 1.2839 | 0.04366 | 155 | 118 | 30 | 7 |
1340 | And with a tap of my wand the Rabbit's vet bill will disappear! | 1.2839 | 0.04554 | 155 | 120 | 26 | 9 |
1341 | The executives at the corporate retreat were both frightened and amazed at the magician's ability to unshred the Q4 earnings report | 1.2837 | 0.04861 | 141 | 110 | 22 | 9 |
1342 | First, I shall shred my assistant’s contract. Then I will use hypnosis to convince her she’s a volunteer. | 1.2833 | 0.04406 | 180 | 142 | 25 | 13 |
1343 | And with this trick, I reveal the magic at the heart of the Enron scandal. | 1.2833 | 0.03882 | 180 | 135 | 39 | 6 |
1344 | And now, with a little wave of my wand and the assistance of lovely Myrna, I make your lawsuit disappear! | 1.2832 | 0.04304 | 173 | 134 | 29 | 10 |
1345 | Hold on, that looks like the pre-nup.... | 1.2832 | 0.04381 | 173 | 135 | 27 | 11 |
1346 | And yes here it is, we are reversing the President's tax returns from the shreds we found earlier. | 1.2832 | 0.04225 | 173 | 133 | 31 | 9 |
1347 | This isn’t a trick, I’m just celebrating my PHD loans being paid off. | 1.2832 | 0.04225 | 173 | 133 | 31 | 9 |
1348 | Hopefully this trick will turn out better than the time I tried it with a dove. | 1.2831 | 0.04259 | 166 | 127 | 31 | 8 |
1349 | Voila! Here is the disappearance of Donald Trump's tax return. | 1.2830 | 0.04473 | 159 | 123 | 27 | 9 |
1350 | You're next Debbie. Feet or headfirst? | 1.2830 | 0.04561 | 159 | 124 | 25 | 10 |
1351 | We will magically make this vote disappear. | 1.2830 | 0.04732 | 159 | 126 | 21 | 12 |
1352 | Presto!!! Pasta!!! | 1.2830 | 0.04561 | 159 | 124 | 25 | 10 |
1353 | And another 'vote' for Stacey Abrams | 1.2829 | 0.04517 | 152 | 117 | 27 | 8 |
1354 | Hold on, ladies and gentlemen. I have here a subpoena for someone in Row 2, Seat No. 356. | 1.2829 | 0.04517 | 152 | 117 | 27 | 8 |
1355 | My assistant is holding an ordinary box, just an ordinary box. | 1.2829 | 0.04218 | 152 | 114 | 33 | 5 |
1356 | For my next trick, I'm going to make this Banksy painting worth millions, oh, I forgot to sell it first | 1.2829 | 0.04706 | 152 | 119 | 23 | 10 |
1357 | And now, ladies and gentlemen, watch as Trump’s tax returns disappear right before your very eyes! | 1.2828 | 0.04663 | 145 | 112 | 25 | 8 |
1358 | Who wants to aid and abet the next trick. | 1.2827 | 0.03589 | 191 | 141 | 46 | 4 |
1359 | So much for your much-vaunted Constitution! | 1.2826 | 0.03979 | 184 | 140 | 36 | 8 |
1360 | The vote is now toast. | 1.2825 | 0.04310 | 177 | 138 | 28 | 11 |
1361 | ‘And this is how we make your vote disappear’ | 1.2825 | 0.04159 | 177 | 136 | 32 | 9 |
1362 | Behold -missing ballots from the election. | 1.2825 | 0.04310 | 177 | 138 | 28 | 11 |
1363 | Every vote counts. Except those for the other candidate. | 1.2824 | 0.04106 | 170 | 129 | 34 | 7 |
1364 | Perfect! Now there's barely a shred of evidence I cut your sister in half. | 1.2824 | 0.04433 | 170 | 133 | 26 | 11 |
1365 | Waldo the Great performs at the Home for the Technically Challenged....where paper shredding is considered one of the Black Arts. | 1.2824 | 0.04190 | 170 | 130 | 32 | 8 |
1366 | For this next trick, I’ll need a racketeer. | 1.2822 | 0.04565 | 163 | 128 | 24 | 11 |
1367 | And just like that my subpoena disappears.” | 1.2822 | 0.04481 | 163 | 127 | 26 | 10 |
1368 | We can't use my hat because there is a rabbit in it. | 1.2821 | 0.04147 | 156 | 117 | 34 | 5 |
1369 | And the Democratic nominee is........ | 1.2821 | 0.04246 | 156 | 118 | 32 | 6 |
1370 | Voter suppression magic | 1.2821 | 0.04708 | 156 | 123 | 22 | 11 |
1371 | I assure you, your petition is transmitted directly to the base station in the Oval Office | 1.2821 | 0.04286 | 195 | 155 | 25 | 15 |
1372 | This will prove that there is not a shred of evidence this wand actually works . | 1.2821 | 0.04436 | 156 | 120 | 28 | 8 |
1373 | Remember: if the SEC asks, I can never reveal my tricks." | 1.2821 | 0.03898 | 195 | 149 | 37 | 9 |
1374 | And now, behold, Article I, Section 9, Clause 8 of the United States Constitution, will disappear before your very eyes... | 1.2819 | 0.04673 | 149 | 116 | 24 | 9 |
1375 | Observe, your last check following the government shutdown! | 1.2819 | 0.04575 | 149 | 115 | 26 | 8 |
1376 | The effect is better with a toaster. | 1.2819 | 0.04373 | 149 | 113 | 30 | 6 |
1377 | Maybe old school with a rabbit and hat was actually better. | 1.2816 | 0.03875 | 174 | 130 | 39 | 5 |
1378 | And for my last trick, I will make paper filing irrelevant. | 1.2816 | 0.04359 | 174 | 136 | 27 | 11 |
1379 | Trump asked me to make his tax returns disappear. | 1.2816 | 0.04582 | 174 | 139 | 21 | 14 |
1380 | Evidence disappears — like magic! | 1.2816 | 0.04204 | 174 | 134 | 31 | 9 |
1381 | DACA: Now you see it, Now you don't! | 1.2816 | 0.04124 | 174 | 133 | 33 | 8 |
1382 | And now, I will make the pre-nup dissappear! | 1.2816 | 0.04204 | 174 | 134 | 31 | 9 |
1383 | Magically sawing ladies in two is so 20th century. | 1.2814 | 0.04485 | 167 | 131 | 25 | 11 |
1384 | Watch as I make this letter from my father questioning my career choices disappear. | 1.2814 | 0.04063 | 167 | 126 | 35 | 6 |
1385 | And before your very eyes, I'll make it reappear from the cloud. | 1.2812 | 0.04359 | 160 | 123 | 29 | 8 |
1386 | Behold the Captionator! In goes a brutal cartoon caption and out comes a hilar—, no, still brutal. | 1.2810 | 0.04586 | 153 | 119 | 25 | 9 |
1387 | For my next trick, I'll need an email server... | 1.2810 | 0.04770 | 153 | 121 | 21 | 11 |
1388 | And magically, your non-disclosure agreement appears whole from the shredder. Is this your signature? | 1.2809 | 0.04061 | 178 | 136 | 34 | 8 |
1389 | Next we put the Interpreter's notes right in here.... | 1.2808 | 0.04736 | 146 | 114 | 23 | 9 |
1390 | And watch as the subpoena magically goes away. | 1.2807 | 0.04410 | 171 | 134 | 26 | 11 |
1391 | For my next trick, I’ll be making the president’s tax returns disappear! Don’t look so so scared, Ivanka! Michael Cohen told me to do it! | 1.2805 | 0.04197 | 164 | 125 | 32 | 7 |
1392 | And now watch as I convert lovely Linda's full time employment into contract labor. | 1.2805 | 0.04015 | 164 | 123 | 36 | 5 |
1393 | Need help winning an election? This magic voting machine shreds ballots you oppose and counts your favorites! | 1.2805 | 0.04540 | 164 | 129 | 24 | 11 |
1394 | And the Oscar for best picture goes to, “oops daisy” ! | 1.2803 | 0.04412 | 157 | 121 | 28 | 8 |
1395 | The real magic: a working printer! | 1.2803 | 0.04318 | 157 | 120 | 30 | 7 |
1396 | And now we present—the cheapest alternative to divorce lawyers. | 1.2803 | 0.04503 | 157 | 122 | 26 | 9 |
1397 | Voilà! The presidential documents are restored unshredded. | 1.2800 | 0.04412 | 175 | 138 | 25 | 12 |
1398 | Now I will make this lawsuit from the family of my last assistant disappear. | 1.2800 | 0.04347 | 150 | 114 | 30 | 6 |
1399 | And our next president is... | 1.2798 | 0.03849 | 193 | 147 | 38 | 8 |
1400 | I shall now shred the directions for sawing my partner in half and do the trick from memory! | 1.2798 | 0.03953 | 168 | 126 | 37 | 5 |
1401 | Watch me pull an email out of a shredder! | 1.2798 | 0.04299 | 168 | 130 | 29 | 9 |
1402 | This is the GOP's new ONE STOP voting trick. | 1.2798 | 0.04381 | 168 | 131 | 27 | 10 |
1403 | My attorney tells me it will take some real magic for these charges not to stick. | 1.2798 | 0.04381 | 168 | 131 | 27 | 10 |
1404 | Its all in the wand | 1.2796 | 0.04086 | 186 | 144 | 32 | 10 |
1405 | Watch as I make my carbon footprint disappear! | 1.2793 | 0.04118 | 179 | 138 | 32 | 9 |
1406 | For my next illusion, I will make confetti out of this paper.... | 1.2792 | 0.04560 | 154 | 120 | 25 | 9 |
1407 | And with a wave of my magical wand—the greatest magical wand in the history of the world, I will attempt to make my conversations with Putin disappear with No Collusion!!! | 1.2792 | 0.04370 | 154 | 118 | 29 | 7 |
1408 | I really don’t think it’s going to come back out again, Doug” | 1.2791 | 0.04065 | 172 | 131 | 34 | 7 |
1409 | Get the smile back, smile, smile! We need them to think the jam is part of the act. | 1.2791 | 0.04065 | 172 | 131 | 34 | 7 |
1410 | And for my next trick, watch me make this tax return disappear. | 1.2791 | 0.03981 | 172 | 130 | 36 | 6 |
1411 | Observe. Collusion. No collusion. | 1.2791 | 0.04148 | 172 | 132 | 32 | 8 |
1412 | They should know better. Magicians cannot be subpoenaed. | 1.2791 | 0.04309 | 172 | 134 | 28 | 10 |
1413 | My last trick requires a little bit of presidential inspiration... | 1.2791 | 0.04065 | 172 | 131 | 34 | 7 |
1414 | Presto ! A full text of the translator's notes from the reverse shredder! | 1.2791 | 0.04387 | 172 | 135 | 26 | 11 |
1415 | And now, the transcripts of my conversation with Putin will disappear. | 1.2789 | 0.04608 | 147 | 114 | 25 | 8 |
1416 | The obvious question is why I just don’t make it disappear, right? | 1.2788 | 0.04263 | 165 | 127 | 30 | 8 |
1417 | I did this trick with the government some time ago. | 1.2788 | 0.04263 | 165 | 127 | 30 | 8 |
1418 | I will now make my tax return disappear just like magic! | 1.2788 | 0.03994 | 165 | 124 | 36 | 5 |
1419 | I am taking a thousand pieces of shredded paper and turning it back into a—what do you mean there’s no reverse button!” | 1.2787 | 0.03981 | 183 | 140 | 35 | 8 |
1420 | Keep your eyes on the marriage certificate, and...presto estrange-o! | 1.2785 | 0.04655 | 158 | 125 | 22 | 11 |
1421 | And now presenting the Great Redacto | 1.2785 | 0.04102 | 158 | 119 | 34 | 5 |
1422 | I will now attempt to make the president disappear. | 1.2784 | 0.04315 | 176 | 138 | 27 | 11 |
1423 | As our President might say, this memo is toast. | 1.2784 | 0.04315 | 176 | 138 | 27 | 11 |
1424 | Now, watch me turn this Shredded Tweet into a bowl of Special Kounsel | 1.2784 | 0.04162 | 176 | 136 | 31 | 9 |
1425 | Oh darn That was my grocery list! | 1.2781 | 0.04358 | 169 | 132 | 27 | 10 |
1426 | Watch me make this incriminating evidence disappear!!! | 1.2778 | 0.04312 | 162 | 125 | 29 | 8 |
1427 | Now, get the blender. | 1.2778 | 0.04131 | 162 | 123 | 33 | 6 |
1428 | Hmmm and now I make disappear my Putin notes. | 1.2778 | 0.04571 | 162 | 128 | 23 | 11 |
1429 | Now I'll place my campaign pledges in here... | 1.2778 | 0.04312 | 162 | 125 | 29 | 8 |
1430 | And now I file the notes from the translator. | 1.2778 | 0.04654 | 162 | 129 | 21 | 12 |
1431 | My attorney insisted I not rely on abracadabra. | 1.2778 | 0.04131 | 162 | 123 | 33 | 6 |
1432 | Auditions for a new White House Russian translator were surprisingly competitive. | 1.2778 | 0.04487 | 162 | 127 | 25 | 10 |
1433 | Just put the speech in like so, and, Hey Presto! Out comes Donald's words! | 1.2778 | 0.04665 | 180 | 147 | 16 | 17 |
1434 | And suddenly, Ladies and Gentlemen, right be fore your very eyes, everything Mr. Rudy Giuliani has been saying for the last two years comes true: there is no proof of collusion! | 1.2775 | 0.03875 | 173 | 130 | 38 | 5 |
1435 | Abracadabra is so eighties, ma'am; it's 'Brexit, Smexit' nowadays. | 1.2775 | 0.03875 | 173 | 130 | 38 | 5 |
1436 | Pulling a rabbit out of the hat just wasn’t cutting it anymore | 1.2774 | 0.04345 | 155 | 119 | 29 | 7 |
1437 | Trump thought he had shredded his instructions from Putin--but voila! | 1.2774 | 0.04715 | 155 | 123 | 21 | 11 |
1438 | Voila! No jam! | 1.2772 | 0.04037 | 184 | 142 | 33 | 9 |
1439 | It's for the rabbit coop. | 1.2772 | 0.04321 | 184 | 146 | 25 | 13 |
1440 | Told you I could make your paycheck disappear. | 1.2771 | 0.04491 | 166 | 131 | 24 | 11 |
1441 | Now watch as I make this subpoena disappear | 1.2771 | 0.04241 | 166 | 128 | 30 | 8 |
1442 | Let's warm it up before we bring on the rabbit. | 1.2771 | 0.04154 | 166 | 127 | 32 | 7 |
1443 | Behold, as I pull from my magic reverse shredder the tax returns of…of…oh my goodness would you look at that? | 1.2771 | 0.04409 | 166 | 130 | 26 | 10 |
1444 | This time, we'll skip the rabbit | 1.2771 | 0.04241 | 166 | 128 | 30 | 8 |
1445 | Now watch our Democracy disappear. | 1.2771 | 0.04572 | 166 | 132 | 22 | 12 |
1446 | Abracadabra! Your transcripts from the Trump/Putin meeting will now vanish forever | 1.2771 | 0.04409 | 166 | 130 | 26 | 10 |
1447 | When the wrong people vote---that's when the magic starts! | 1.2770 | 0.04680 | 148 | 116 | 23 | 9 |
1448 | Lady’s & Gentleman; At No time will you see this Sexual harassment complaint leave my hand | 1.2769 | 0.03883 | 195 | 150 | 36 | 9 |
1449 | And voilà! By shredding this last document, I've completely deleted my Facebook account! | 1.2768 | 0.04218 | 177 | 138 | 29 | 10 |
1450 | And now, I’ll make that complaint you made against me to HR disappear. | 1.2768 | 0.03902 | 177 | 134 | 37 | 6 |
1451 | ...and viola! Kellyanne, your worries have disappeared! | 1.2767 | 0.04177 | 159 | 121 | 32 | 6 |
1452 | This is how you make voting rights disappear! | 1.2767 | 0.04714 | 159 | 127 | 20 | 12 |
1453 | Abracadabra shred this presidency! | 1.2766 | 0.05044 | 141 | 113 | 17 | 11 |
1454 | The paper shreds and presto, a three-toed sloth rises from my jacket pocket. | 1.2765 | 0.04415 | 170 | 134 | 25 | 11 |
1455 | Observe how the paper is restored as I pull it out of the machine! | 1.2765 | 0.04255 | 170 | 132 | 29 | 9 |
1456 | Thank you Mrs. Clinton! | 1.2763 | 0.04592 | 152 | 119 | 24 | 9 |
1457 | I learned this from the Clintons. | 1.2763 | 0.04592 | 152 | 119 | 24 | 9 |
1458 | For this next act, I’d like to introduce my lovely assistant and part-time paralegal, Diane. | 1.2762 | 0.03512 | 181 | 133 | 46 | 2 |
1459 | Leave it to James to make a big show of the divorce. This is precisely why she had left him in the first place. The rabbits in the bath tub were also part of it. | 1.2761 | 0.04629 | 163 | 130 | 21 | 12 |
1460 | And for my next trick, I will protect my personal data. | 1.2761 | 0.04376 | 163 | 127 | 27 | 9 |
1461 | Abracadabra, there goes my art history degree ... | 1.2761 | 0.04200 | 163 | 125 | 31 | 7 |
1462 | Finally, I’ll wave my wand... and presto! The dinner invitation from the Johnson’s has magically disappeared! | 1.2759 | 0.04025 | 174 | 133 | 34 | 7 |
1463 | No, I can't use this trick on your student loans. | 1.2759 | 0.04536 | 145 | 112 | 26 | 7 |
1464 | And for our next trick: how to vanish a failed safety inspection! On an unrelated note, Fluffy the rabbit will not make an appearance in today’s show. | 1.2759 | 0.04493 | 174 | 139 | 22 | 13 |
1465 | Newly retired, Shirley and Oscar explore ways to spend their time. | 1.2757 | 0.04435 | 185 | 149 | 21 | 15 |
1466 | And now I will magically turn campaign promises into reality. | 1.2754 | 0.04386 | 167 | 131 | 26 | 10 |
1467 | Behold as I will now turn myself into a Presidential candidate! | 1.2754 | 0.04218 | 167 | 129 | 30 | 8 |
1468 | Well, I was thinking of a rabbit but I guess our marriage license works too... | 1.2753 | 0.04346 | 178 | 141 | 25 | 12 |
1469 | I don't understand, it worked great for Banksy... | 1.2753 | 0.04043 | 178 | 137 | 33 | 8 |
1470 | I know I know -but it’s my first gig after losing my job as an auditor! | 1.2753 | 0.03883 | 178 | 135 | 37 | 6 |
1471 | I may need a new rabbit...and a new shredder. | 1.2752 | 0.04453 | 149 | 115 | 27 | 7 |
1472 | The translator's notes from Helsinki.... Presto! All gone! Never existed! | 1.2751 | 0.03814 | 189 | 144 | 38 | 7 |
1473 | The office can be a magical place. | 1.2751 | 0.03887 | 189 | 145 | 36 | 8 |
1474 | Watch and see Mr. Bezos's prenup disappear and miraculously end up in my hat... | 1.2750 | 0.04517 | 160 | 126 | 24 | 10 |
1475 | and ... PRESTO! Our taxes are done for 2018! | 1.2750 | 0.04339 | 160 | 124 | 28 | 8 |
1476 | And with a wave of my wand, The Great Splendini makes my lovely assistant’s sexual harassment claim disappear. | 1.2750 | 0.04429 | 160 | 125 | 26 | 9 |
1477 | Once a Brexit Plan... | 1.2749 | 0.04233 | 171 | 133 | 29 | 9 |
1478 | ...and voila! All my legal problems disappear. | 1.2749 | 0.03894 | 171 | 129 | 37 | 5 |
1479 | And here we have the 'Donald' © brand Make-A-Wish machine, and Voila!, problem solved, budget balanced, wall built, and America is great again! | 1.2749 | 0.04470 | 171 | 136 | 23 | 12 |
1480 | How do you say "abracadabra" in Russian? | 1.2747 | 0.03906 | 182 | 139 | 36 | 7 |
1481 | I call this "The Disappearing Banksy". | 1.2746 | 0.04373 | 142 | 108 | 29 | 5 |
1482 | I will now transform this authentic tax document into an audit. | 1.2745 | 0.04565 | 153 | 120 | 24 | 9 |
1483 | Now you see it, now you don't | 1.2745 | 0.04470 | 153 | 119 | 26 | 8 |
1484 | Think it's a magic act??? No, it's just Trump "sorting his paper trail." | 1.2745 | 0.04565 | 153 | 120 | 24 | 9 |
1485 | You should have made these disappear two years ago, Hillary. | 1.2745 | 0.04172 | 153 | 116 | 32 | 5 |
1486 | As I toast to a crisp this amorous note from my beautiful assistant here, please some applause for my lovely wife, who couldn't be here tonight. | 1.2744 | 0.04266 | 164 | 127 | 29 | 8 |
1487 | I can't believe people pay me to draw this shit. | 1.2744 | 0.04763 | 164 | 133 | 17 | 14 |
1488 | Now this parking ticket will become a priceless work of art. | 1.2744 | 0.04353 | 164 | 128 | 27 | 9 |
1489 | Pitney Bowes, the early years. | 1.2744 | 0.04353 | 164 | 128 | 27 | 9 |
1490 | There goes your employment contract, my dear... and POOF! You're a freelancer! | 1.2744 | 0.04266 | 164 | 127 | 29 | 8 |
1491 | And first I will shred the pretty assistant's life insurance contract. | 1.2744 | 0.04522 | 164 | 130 | 23 | 11 |
1492 | And just like that, there go his tax returns. | 1.2744 | 0.04353 | 164 | 128 | 27 | 9 |
1493 | The rabbits have called in sick. Apparently they're not convinced by your new disappearing trick. | 1.2742 | 0.03999 | 186 | 144 | 33 | 9 |
1494 | And when it comes out the other side, Mueller's report will miraculously say every shred of evidence points to collusion! | 1.2742 | 0.04141 | 186 | 146 | 29 | 11 |
1495 | For my next trick I'm going to need someone from IT. | 1.2740 | 0.04714 | 146 | 115 | 22 | 9 |
1496 | And presto--my lovely assistant's pre-nup disappears!" | 1.2739 | 0.04297 | 157 | 121 | 29 | 7 |
1497 | The president and his translator after hours | 1.2739 | 0.04662 | 157 | 125 | 21 | 11 |
1498 | Miss May and I will now insert the European Union Agreement here, and wave this magic wand, and . . . . | 1.2739 | 0.04483 | 157 | 123 | 25 | 9 |
1499 | And with no hesitation whatever I consign my IRS audit to the firm hand of my sorceror's apprentice. | 1.2738 | 0.04111 | 168 | 129 | 32 | 7 |
1500 | Now, we make Mrs. Marvin the Magnificent's prenup disappear. | 1.2738 | 0.04196 | 168 | 130 | 30 | 8 |
1501 | They only disappear if you say the magic words: "IRS audit". | 1.2738 | 0.04280 | 168 | 131 | 28 | 9 |
1502 | I will now make the translator’s notes disappear. | 1.2737 | 0.04396 | 179 | 143 | 23 | 13 |
1503 | Watch while my opponent's votes disappear | 1.2737 | 0.03865 | 179 | 136 | 37 | 6 |
1504 | I know it's not much, Pam, but at least with this trick I don't risk pulling out a dead rabbit in front of a bunch of six-year-olds again. | 1.2737 | 0.03865 | 179 | 136 | 37 | 6 |
1505 | And then presto, a whole piece of paper becomes eight pieces of paper! | 1.2737 | 0.04177 | 179 | 140 | 29 | 10 |
1506 | Abracadabra we are now divorced! | 1.2736 | 0.03926 | 201 | 157 | 33 | 11 |
1507 | The bunny has mixed feeling about this trick | 1.2733 | 0.04492 | 161 | 127 | 24 | 10 |
1508 | The Federal Budget, in the style of Banksy | 1.2733 | 0.04225 | 161 | 124 | 30 | 7 |
1509 | It seemed so easy when Banksy did it. | 1.2733 | 0.04447 | 172 | 137 | 23 | 12 |
1510 | And voila! The KGB puts it back together. | 1.2733 | 0.04046 | 172 | 132 | 33 | 7 |
1511 | I will now make the evidence... disappear! | 1.2733 | 0.04130 | 172 | 133 | 31 | 8 |
1512 | And this is how you make an investigation disappear. | 1.2733 | 0.04743 | 172 | 141 | 15 | 16 |
1513 | And now to make all allegations of sexually harassing my lovely assistant disappear. | 1.2727 | 0.04148 | 154 | 117 | 32 | 5 |
1514 | This is the famous "Nixon Trick" soon to be renamed the "Trump Trick!" | 1.2727 | 0.04539 | 154 | 121 | 24 | 9 |
1515 | Watch as I transform this budding novelist into a magician's assistant! | 1.2727 | 0.04330 | 165 | 129 | 27 | 9 |
1516 | Voila madame, your prenup has disappeared! | 1.2727 | 0.03985 | 176 | 135 | 34 | 7 |
1517 | [under his breath] Don't worry, Diane. A magician always files his secrets in triplicate. | 1.2727 | 0.03980 | 187 | 145 | 33 | 9 |
1518 | We Trumps understand the magic of making our tax returns disappear for good! | 1.2723 | 0.03971 | 202 | 159 | 31 | 12 |
1519 | A magician never reveals his secrets...or his gluten free muffin recipe. | 1.2722 | 0.04004 | 180 | 139 | 33 | 8 |
1520 | This should work better than the rabbit. | 1.2722 | 0.04081 | 180 | 140 | 31 | 9 |
1521 | Disappearius, last-yearius, Tax-returnius | 1.2722 | 0.03846 | 180 | 137 | 37 | 6 |
1522 | Now, watch me make the translator's notes disappear! | 1.2722 | 0.04156 | 180 | 141 | 29 | 10 |
1523 | ...I tap the ballot box three times... | 1.2722 | 0.04089 | 169 | 130 | 32 | 7 |
1524 | And now, presto chango, the first of Hillary’s missing e-mails. | 1.2722 | 0.04175 | 169 | 131 | 30 | 8 |
1525 | Behold my dignity: now you see it, now you don't. | 1.2722 | 0.04175 | 169 | 131 | 30 | 8 |
1526 | And voilà, your tax return is on its way to the IRS! | 1.2722 | 0.04635 | 158 | 126 | 21 | 11 |
1527 | Why campaign? It's easier to get elected this way. | 1.2722 | 0.04806 | 158 | 128 | 17 | 13 |
1528 | Remember, ladies and gentlemen, as I shred my only copy of my W2, the blank 1040EZ remains locked in a steel case on the other side of the stage! | 1.2721 | 0.04377 | 147 | 113 | 28 | 6 |
1529 | The rabbit's on furlough. Pulling his contract out instead. | 1.2721 | 0.04836 | 136 | 107 | 21 | 8 |
1530 | At the count of three, I will turn this single sheet of paper into dozens of little sheets. | 1.2721 | 0.04722 | 136 | 106 | 23 | 7 |
1531 | Now you see my assistant's non-disclosure agreement—wait a minute!" | 1.2717 | 0.03869 | 184 | 141 | 36 | 7 |
1532 | If shredding evidence isn't Magic, I don't know what is. | 1.2717 | 0.03942 | 173 | 132 | 35 | 6 |
1533 | The real magic will be the massive corporate bonus I earn for disappearing the evidence. | 1.2717 | 0.04424 | 173 | 138 | 23 | 12 |
1534 | I want to be known for really tearing it up on stage. | 1.2717 | 0.04109 | 173 | 134 | 31 | 8 |
1535 | For my next trick, I will disappear all record of my contact with the Russians. | 1.2716 | 0.04467 | 162 | 128 | 24 | 10 |
1536 | And, for our finale, we’ll scrub a computer hard drive. | 1.2716 | 0.04292 | 162 | 126 | 28 | 8 |
1537 | Abracadabra! I will now make the notes from Trump's meeting with Putin disappear. | 1.2716 | 0.04202 | 162 | 125 | 30 | 7 |
1538 | And, now, for my next trick as your new attorney general, watch as I make these records disappear. | 1.2716 | 0.04292 | 162 | 126 | 28 | 8 |
1539 | For my final disappearing act: the Constitution. | 1.2715 | 0.04401 | 151 | 117 | 27 | 7 |
1540 | Sorry that I forgot the table. | 1.2714 | 0.04628 | 140 | 109 | 24 | 7 |
1541 | And now, for our Bansky fans... | 1.2712 | 0.04351 | 177 | 141 | 24 | 12 |
1542 | And poof! It’s disappeared. Now for my next act I will pull out a clean set of tax returns out of a hat. Caroline, will you help me please? | 1.2712 | 0.04045 | 177 | 137 | 32 | 8 |
1543 | Watch as I make Trump's returns disappear! | 1.2712 | 0.04124 | 177 | 138 | 30 | 9 |
1544 | It is, of course, a standard cross-cutting shredder, producing the confetti from which I will make a bill acceptable to the House, Senate, and Mr Trump | 1.2711 | 0.04134 | 166 | 128 | 31 | 7 |
1545 | Voila`, the notes from Trump's in interpreter. | 1.2711 | 0.04473 | 166 | 132 | 23 | 11 |
1546 | Yes, that's my only copy of the Saw-The -Lady-In-Half Trick instructions. | 1.2710 | 0.04225 | 155 | 119 | 30 | 6 |
1547 | The lesser known brother, Binksy the Magician, never had a very big following. | 1.2710 | 0.04605 | 155 | 123 | 22 | 10 |
1548 | The Great Giuliani is unsurprised to see,“Tell them anything but the truth, Michael!” reconstitute from shreds. | 1.2710 | 0.04870 | 155 | 126 | 16 | 13 |
1549 | Before the shutdown, I made the big bucks doing this | 1.2710 | 0.04513 | 155 | 122 | 24 | 9 |
1550 | And voila! That incriminating letter shredded by your cheating husband is now in perfect condition. | 1.2708 | 0.04850 | 144 | 115 | 19 | 10 |
1551 | And now......Right before your very eyes.....AG William Barr will make the Muller report DISAPPEAR! | 1.2708 | 0.04540 | 144 | 112 | 25 | 7 |
1552 | A Trumpian tax audit. The magic is that he hasn't been caught! | 1.2707 | 0.04136 | 181 | 142 | 29 | 10 |
1553 | See my Congressional Subpoena disappear! | 1.2706 | 0.04153 | 170 | 132 | 30 | 8 |
1554 | Another vote for Mitt Romney! | 1.2706 | 0.04153 | 170 | 132 | 30 | 8 |
1555 | I'm glad you agreed to shred the prenup, it was ruining the magic between us. | 1.2706 | 0.04317 | 170 | 134 | 26 | 10 |
1556 | Banksy is to art as I am to magic! | 1.2706 | 0.04317 | 170 | 134 | 26 | 10 |
1557 | What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. | 1.2706 | 0.03894 | 170 | 129 | 36 | 5 |
1558 | Well, this trick worked for Banksy, so here goes! | 1.2706 | 0.03803 | 170 | 128 | 38 | 4 |
1559 | And the disappearing student loan winner is... | 1.2706 | 0.04068 | 170 | 131 | 32 | 7 |
1560 | Abracadabra! It's a Banksy. | 1.2704 | 0.04155 | 159 | 122 | 31 | 6 |
1561 | Next, I will attempt to join not two, not three, but four sheets of paper together with a stapler! | 1.2703 | 0.04558 | 148 | 116 | 24 | 8 |
1562 | As I shred this birth certificate, watch our volunteer from the audience vanish. | 1.2703 | 0.04244 | 148 | 113 | 30 | 5 |
1563 | I call this trick my reverse Banksy. | 1.2703 | 0.04145 | 185 | 146 | 28 | 11 |
1564 | Behold the magic of corporate law ! | 1.2701 | 0.04401 | 174 | 139 | 23 | 12 |
1565 | And now to make the Mueller investigation disappear. | 1.2698 | 0.03943 | 189 | 147 | 33 | 9 |
1566 | And with a tap of his wand, the subpoena disappeared. | 1.2697 | 0.04474 | 152 | 119 | 25 | 8 |
1567 | For my next deduction . . . | 1.2697 | 0.04180 | 178 | 140 | 28 | 10 |
1568 | Watch carefully as I make your vote disappear | 1.2697 | 0.04104 | 178 | 139 | 30 | 9 |
1569 | Here I have the original copy of the United States Constitution. Good night folks - you all have been great! | 1.2695 | 0.04599 | 141 | 110 | 24 | 7 |
1570 | This is how I made a rabbit disappear before the PETA complaint. | 1.2695 | 0.04488 | 141 | 109 | 26 | 6 |
1571 | Toaster or shredder. You be the judge. | 1.2695 | 0.04023 | 167 | 128 | 33 | 6 |
1572 | I know it's no longer politically correct, but this just doesn't have the pizzazz of the old days with the saw. | 1.2695 | 0.04112 | 167 | 129 | 31 | 7 |
1573 | Behold, as my assistant's benefits disappear before your very eyes! | 1.2695 | 0.04284 | 167 | 131 | 27 | 9 |
1574 | Into the shredder goes bipartisan compromise. | 1.2695 | 0.04199 | 167 | 130 | 29 | 8 |
1575 | For my next trick, I will suborn perjury! | 1.2692 | 0.04189 | 182 | 144 | 27 | 11 |
1576 | Notice my dear, at this point it will take magic to reclaim shredded liberties. | 1.2692 | 0.04668 | 156 | 125 | 20 | 11 |
1577 | Pay attention as my last shred of dignity disappears. | 1.2692 | 0.04116 | 182 | 143 | 29 | 10 |
1578 | Well is February now,time to destroy this years resolutions. | 1.2692 | 0.03966 | 182 | 141 | 33 | 8 |
1579 | I hope you cleaned it after the dove bit the dust. | 1.2692 | 0.03888 | 182 | 140 | 35 | 7 |
1580 | And for my next trick, I’ll make the President’s tax returns disappear. | 1.2692 | 0.04261 | 182 | 145 | 25 | 12 |
1581 | Helsinki notes? Absolutely, Mr. President, this baby'll shred even when recharging. | 1.2692 | 0.04394 | 156 | 122 | 26 | 8 |
1582 | And now from the shredder of the newly appointed Attorney General, the Mueller Report! | 1.2690 | 0.04295 | 171 | 135 | 26 | 10 |
1583 | And this is the prenuptial agreement with my previous assistant. | 1.2690 | 0.04452 | 171 | 137 | 22 | 12 |
1584 | Abracadabra! The Never Before Seen, Amazing, Disappearing Presidential Tax Return Trick!! | 1.2690 | 0.04295 | 171 | 135 | 26 | 10 |
1585 | Carol had once been sawn in half, but even she began to tremble when she mistakenly heard the next trick as, "The shred-her." | 1.2690 | 0.04295 | 145 | 111 | 29 | 5 |
1586 | with the flick of my stick and swish of my wand my income statement shall forever be gone | 1.2688 | 0.04226 | 160 | 124 | 29 | 7 |
1587 | Of course, it wouldn't be magic without the tireless work done by my beautiful and undocumented assistant. | 1.2688 | 0.03836 | 160 | 120 | 37 | 3 |
1588 | And viola! Just like that, I shall make my taxes disapear. | 1.2688 | 0.04226 | 160 | 124 | 29 | 7 |
1589 | The real trick is how I manage to stay ahead of the IRS. | 1.2688 | 0.04226 | 160 | 124 | 29 | 7 |
1590 | A true magician always shreds his secrets. | 1.2688 | 0.04226 | 160 | 124 | 29 | 7 |
1591 | If we can hide the electrical cord. this trick goes up a whole level ! | 1.2686 | 0.03986 | 175 | 135 | 33 | 7 |
1592 | Do you think they'll be able to tell how I did it? | 1.2683 | 0.04333 | 164 | 129 | 26 | 9 |
1593 | ... and Abra-ca-Banksy! | 1.2683 | 0.04419 | 164 | 130 | 24 | 10 |
1594 | This bill eliminator eliminates any size bill. I am now eliminating the National Debt. | 1.2683 | 0.04333 | 164 | 129 | 26 | 9 |
1595 | I don't know why I keep putting all of my evil schemes in writing. | 1.2682 | 0.04234 | 179 | 142 | 26 | 11 |
1596 | Isn't this the voting machine? | 1.2682 | 0.04083 | 179 | 140 | 30 | 9 |
1597 | The shredder ate my homework!! | 1.2682 | 0.04006 | 179 | 139 | 32 | 8 |
1598 | For the final act of this administration, we will make the tax returns of Donald Trump disappear. | 1.2680 | 0.04544 | 153 | 121 | 23 | 9 |
1599 | For my next trick, not a shred of evidence shall be left behind! | 1.2680 | 0.04043 | 153 | 116 | 33 | 4 |
1600 | And now, here's the missing tax report, magically unshredded. | 1.2680 | 0.04544 | 153 | 121 | 23 | 9 |
1601 | This is what happens to republican ballots in Chicago. | 1.2680 | 0.04544 | 153 | 121 | 23 | 9 |
1602 | With my magic de-shredder I will reveal the notes of the translator of the Helsinki meeting between Trump and Putin. | 1.2679 | 0.04584 | 168 | 136 | 19 | 13 |
1603 | Enron The Magnificent! | 1.2679 | 0.04091 | 168 | 130 | 31 | 7 |
1604 | Honestly, I didn't rig the ballot box! There was no voter fraud! | 1.2679 | 0.04344 | 168 | 133 | 25 | 10 |
1605 | #metoocadabra | 1.2679 | 0.04177 | 168 | 131 | 29 | 8 |
1606 | And I’ve called this one: Robert Mueller’s Dream Trick! | 1.2679 | 0.04177 | 168 | 131 | 29 | 8 |
1607 | I shall now make my fraudulent tax returns, disappear! | 1.2679 | 0.04344 | 168 | 133 | 25 | 10 |
1608 | Now, I will make all of my credit card debt- disappear! | 1.2675 | 0.04179 | 157 | 121 | 30 | 6 |
1609 | And this one is for the IRS | 1.2675 | 0.04462 | 157 | 124 | 24 | 9 |
1610 | Now watch as I make my New Year's resolutions disappear. | 1.2675 | 0.04275 | 157 | 122 | 28 | 7 |
1611 | Abracadabra, let it be November 8, 2016 | 1.2675 | 0.04641 | 157 | 126 | 20 | 11 |
1612 | Your ballot is toast. | 1.2675 | 0.04275 | 157 | 122 | 28 | 7 |
1613 | By the way, the President said if I can make the notes from his meeting with Putin disappear, he would guarantee me a spot in the America's Got Talent finals. | 1.2674 | 0.04193 | 172 | 135 | 28 | 9 |
1614 | The good thing about this honey, is that the bills will disappear. magic school paid off! | 1.2674 | 0.04273 | 172 | 136 | 26 | 10 |
1615 | This document will now...honey, this is our marriage license. | 1.2674 | 0.03963 | 187 | 146 | 32 | 9 |
1616 | And Presto, watch as my subpoenaed financial records disappear! | 1.2674 | 0.03890 | 187 | 145 | 34 | 8 |
1617 | Trust me. Stuffing the ballot box always yields magical results. | 1.2671 | 0.04485 | 146 | 114 | 25 | 7 |
1618 | Abracadabra, I thus increase the value of this Banksy signed letter by 1 million dollars | 1.2671 | 0.04589 | 146 | 115 | 23 | 8 |
1619 | And-- Presto!-- royalties appear in Banksy's account! | 1.2671 | 0.04807 | 161 | 132 | 15 | 14 |
1620 | I shall now make the instructions for the "cut-the-lady-in-half" trick, which didn't work out so well last time, disappear. | 1.2671 | 0.04384 | 161 | 127 | 25 | 9 |
1621 | The real magic is in Cayman | 1.2671 | 0.04295 | 161 | 126 | 27 | 8 |
1622 | Watch as I make this incriminating evidence of my ongoing tax fraud disappear! | 1.2671 | 0.04015 | 161 | 123 | 33 | 5 |
1623 | And now i will make a five year old document, not just relevant but crucial. | 1.2670 | 0.04205 | 176 | 139 | 27 | 10 |
1624 | Abracadabra tax evasion! | 1.2670 | 0.03799 | 176 | 134 | 37 | 5 |
1625 | Magically, the election results are unexpected. | 1.2670 | 0.04113 | 191 | 152 | 27 | 12 |
1626 | Abracadabra…Shred Faster, the feds will be here any second. | 1.2667 | 0.04403 | 150 | 117 | 26 | 7 |
1627 | Watch closely as I make these incriminating political records disappear before your very eyes! | 1.2667 | 0.04045 | 165 | 127 | 32 | 6 |
1628 | At the request of audience volunteer Mr. Bezos, I will make this prenup disappear.” | 1.2667 | 0.03858 | 165 | 125 | 36 | 4 |
1629 | And now, my lovely assistant will bring the shreds home with her and over the weekend painstakingly reassemble her paycheck. | 1.2667 | 0.04213 | 180 | 143 | 26 | 11 |
1630 | And the bi-partisan amount that Congress will allocate for the Wall is . . . | 1.2667 | 0.04195 | 150 | 115 | 30 | 5 |
1631 | When we say "a magician never reveals his secrets," we're not messing around. | 1.2667 | 0.03986 | 180 | 140 | 32 | 8 |
1632 | Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves to be astounded as the talented and indefatigable Mrs May demonstrates how her magical Brexit plan can separate the UK from the EU! | 1.2667 | 0.04310 | 165 | 130 | 26 | 9 |
1633 | And for my last trick, I will make your student debt disappear! | 1.2667 | 0.03827 | 180 | 138 | 36 | 6 |
1634 | Melania, hold still. It's just the Mueller report" | 1.2663 | 0.03852 | 184 | 142 | 35 | 7 |
1635 | We interrupt this episode of The Apprentice to bring you the long awaited release of the Mueller Report. | 1.2663 | 0.04220 | 184 | 147 | 25 | 12 |
1636 | And now, my lovely assistant and I, will demonstrate the best way to dispose of all those bothersome bills. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1637 | And now, before your very eyes, I, as new head of the IRS will make President Trump's tax returns disappear. Viola! | 1.2663 | 0.04155 | 169 | 132 | 29 | 8 |
1638 | Now just watch as I make your stock earnings from 2018 disappear. | 1.2663 | 0.04239 | 169 | 133 | 27 | 9 |
1639 | Now, Sheila will reproduce the same copy of our prenuptial agreement. | 1.2663 | 0.04321 | 169 | 134 | 25 | 10 |
1640 | And now,for my next trick,I shall pull an unemployment check out of a printer. | 1.2663 | 0.04402 | 169 | 135 | 23 | 11 |
1641 | It isn’t a magic trick. It’s the transcript of Trump’s Helsinki meeting with Putin! | 1.2663 | 0.04069 | 169 | 131 | 31 | 7 |
1642 | Watch as the facts disappear Miss Demeanor | 1.2660 | 0.03945 | 188 | 147 | 32 | 9 |
1643 | For those of you loudly demanding refunds, yes, I used to ‘saw the lady in half,’ but thanks to the #MeToo movement, well ... let’s just say I’m a little more ‘woke’ than I was. | 1.2659 | 0.03922 | 173 | 133 | 34 | 6 |
1644 | A young Houdini performs his most important trick of all: making his pre-nup disappear. | 1.2658 | 0.04057 | 158 | 121 | 32 | 5 |
1645 | Now watch as I turn your government pay stub into a tasty meal full of fibber.....er...fiber. | 1.2658 | 0.04437 | 158 | 125 | 24 | 9 |
1646 | And you really think that Muller’s team won’t be able to piece it back together? | 1.2658 | 0.04527 | 158 | 126 | 22 | 10 |
1647 | See Judy, I told you I could make our bills disappear | 1.2658 | 0.04345 | 158 | 124 | 26 | 8 |
1648 | Abracadabra! Banksy does it again! | 1.2658 | 0.04251 | 158 | 123 | 28 | 7 |
1649 | No subpoena can bring this document back. I am sworn to secrecy by the magician's code. | 1.2654 | 0.04360 | 162 | 128 | 25 | 9 |
1650 | This one's a special request from Bart O'Kavanaugh in the audience: Abracadabra let's make Roe v. Wade disappear. | 1.2654 | 0.04181 | 162 | 126 | 29 | 7 |
1651 | Eureka! Here is Donald trump's tax returns! | 1.2654 | 0.04360 | 162 | 128 | 25 | 9 |
1652 | ...and now I will make the evidence magically disappear! ....I said MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR darnit! | 1.2653 | 0.04458 | 147 | 115 | 25 | 7 |
1653 | Don't try this with a rabbit. And let me know if you've seen Babette. | 1.2653 | 0.04244 | 147 | 113 | 29 | 5 |
1654 | You can shred it but it’s still on your email ! | 1.2652 | 0.04265 | 181 | 145 | 24 | 12 |
1655 | For our next trick w shall repair this jammed shredder, without benefit of pliers which my lovely wife Joanne, here, made disappear from our tool kit, last month, when attempting to repair a brassiere | 1.2652 | 0.04265 | 181 | 145 | 24 | 12 |
1656 | And with my next trick, I'll make your vote disapear! | 1.2651 | 0.04113 | 166 | 129 | 30 | 7 |
1657 | We can try, but I'm not sure this will make the subpoena disappear. | 1.2649 | 0.04378 | 151 | 118 | 26 | 7 |
1658 | This trick killed at Ollie North's soirees. | 1.2649 | 0.03756 | 185 | 142 | 37 | 6 |
1659 | a tap of my wand and ballots disappear | 1.2647 | 0.04134 | 170 | 133 | 29 | 8 |
1660 | And now, for my next trick, I'll make the evidence disappear! | 1.2647 | 0.04048 | 170 | 132 | 31 | 7 |
1661 | And when it's shredded, it will turn into his tax returns! | 1.2646 | 0.03705 | 189 | 145 | 38 | 6 |
1662 | Behold! As I make this ballot disappear! | 1.2646 | 0.03854 | 189 | 147 | 34 | 8 |
1663 | See, it doesn't jam. Magic! | 1.2645 | 0.04492 | 155 | 123 | 23 | 9 |
1664 | Now, I will make this piece of paper disappear! | 1.2645 | 0.04301 | 155 | 121 | 27 | 7 |
1665 | And now...The Great Redacto will reveal what's in those Mueller reports! | 1.2645 | 0.04301 | 155 | 121 | 27 | 7 |
1666 | Hocus pocus and the incriminating evidence is gone! | 1.2645 | 0.04202 | 155 | 120 | 29 | 6 |
1667 | And for my final act-Mueller subpoenas! | 1.2644 | 0.04229 | 174 | 138 | 26 | 10 |
1668 | For my next trick, I’ll file my taxes. | 1.2642 | 0.04228 | 159 | 124 | 28 | 7 |
1669 | And this trick is called 'Making my Russian transcripts disappear'. | 1.2642 | 0.04228 | 159 | 124 | 28 | 7 |
1670 | Watch carefully as I partially shred this Banksy printout, thus increasing its value considerably. | 1.2640 | 0.03927 | 178 | 138 | 33 | 7 |
1671 | Lady's an gentlemen, watch before your very eye's as I make this Muller report disappear!! | 1.2640 | 0.03818 | 197 | 154 | 34 | 9 |
1672 | And just like that, we can make Trump's financial statements disappear! | 1.2637 | 0.03948 | 182 | 142 | 32 | 8 |
1673 | I shall now make the subpoena disappear. | 1.2637 | 0.03948 | 182 | 142 | 32 | 8 |
1674 | Now to saw the witness in half. | 1.2635 | 0.04634 | 148 | 118 | 21 | 9 |
1675 | And for my next collusion trick.... | 1.2635 | 0.04348 | 167 | 133 | 24 | 10 |
1676 | I can’t take anymore, just saw me in half already | 1.2635 | 0.04002 | 167 | 129 | 32 | 6 |
1677 | Voila! Gone without a shred of evidence. | 1.2635 | 0.04348 | 167 | 133 | 24 | 10 |
1678 | Cross cut is the real magic, am I right, folks? | 1.2635 | 0.04264 | 167 | 132 | 26 | 9 |
1679 | And now, before your very eyes, watch the jury duty summons disappear! | 1.2635 | 0.04264 | 167 | 132 | 26 | 9 |
1680 | TA-DA! Tax returns? What tax returns? | 1.2634 | 0.04109 | 186 | 148 | 27 | 11 |
1681 | Curse these Trump hands! | 1.2634 | 0.04109 | 186 | 148 | 27 | 11 |
1682 | And now for my final act as precinct captain ... | 1.2632 | 0.04356 | 171 | 137 | 23 | 11 |
1683 | Abracadabra Banksy! It's now worth over $2 million! | 1.2632 | 0.04352 | 152 | 119 | 26 | 7 |
1684 | An identity thief never reveals his secrets | 1.2632 | 0.03763 | 171 | 130 | 37 | 4 |
1685 | ...and now I will shred my rabbit's last will and testament". | 1.2632 | 0.03908 | 190 | 149 | 32 | 9 |
1686 | ...and Viola... No voter fraud here! | 1.2632 | 0.04251 | 152 | 118 | 28 | 6 |
1687 | No, you're right Murielle. He's a great showman, but this new voting system still seems flawed. | 1.2629 | 0.03967 | 175 | 136 | 32 | 7 |
1688 | I have a recycling business on the side. | 1.2629 | 0.04129 | 175 | 138 | 28 | 9 |
1689 | Now, “before the audience ‘s eyes I will make this opponent ‘s ballot disappear. | 1.2628 | 0.04277 | 156 | 122 | 27 | 7 |
1690 | Watch me turn this paper into a Banksy! | 1.2628 | 0.04466 | 156 | 124 | 23 | 9 |
1691 | 'I will now make the constitution disappear. ' | 1.2628 | 0.04466 | 156 | 124 | 23 | 9 |
1692 | And if you do this with Muller's report, Kelly Ann, you'll have another two years. | 1.2628 | 0.04079 | 156 | 120 | 31 | 5 |
1693 | And now my assistant and I will make our completely worthless college degrees magically disappear. | 1.2628 | 0.04665 | 137 | 108 | 22 | 7 |
1694 | My liability for cutting that last women in half will now vanish. | 1.2626 | 0.03908 | 179 | 139 | 33 | 7 |
1695 | Abracadabra and viola! Tiny Hands the Magnificent has made the Mueller Files disappear! | 1.2626 | 0.04142 | 179 | 142 | 27 | 10 |
1696 | And for my next trick, we'll disappear from your very eyes, then reappear overseas with different names and hairstyles. | 1.2626 | 0.04217 | 179 | 143 | 25 | 11 |
1697 | I shall now shred the Florida ballot... | 1.2626 | 0.03744 | 179 | 137 | 37 | 5 |
1698 | Before modern technology, I used to say: ‘Now you see it, now you don’t!’ | 1.2626 | 0.04217 | 179 | 143 | 25 | 11 |
1699 | And presto change-o, no more incriminating evidence. | 1.2625 | 0.04388 | 160 | 127 | 24 | 9 |
1700 | Et voila, I will transform this ordinary document into festive confetti. | 1.2624 | 0.04346 | 141 | 109 | 27 | 5 |
1701 | If the president can do it... | 1.2623 | 0.03929 | 183 | 143 | 32 | 8 |
1702 | I, the new Attorney General, will now make the Mueller report disappear. | 1.2622 | 0.03951 | 164 | 126 | 33 | 5 |
1703 | You won't regret hiring Magyar, the magical tax accountant. | 1.2622 | 0.04225 | 164 | 129 | 27 | 8 |
1704 | I hope you've got that copy tucked in your cleavage! | 1.2622 | 0.04225 | 164 | 129 | 27 | 8 |
1705 | And for my next trick, I'll run the president's entire cabinet through the shredder. | 1.2622 | 0.04313 | 164 | 130 | 25 | 9 |
1706 | To shred or not to shred, that is the question. | 1.2622 | 0.04136 | 164 | 128 | 29 | 7 |
1707 | And now, for my next trick, I'll make another Russia collusion document disappear. | 1.2622 | 0.04225 | 164 | 129 | 27 | 8 |
1708 | Keep your eye on the wand and not the paper shredder. | 1.2619 | 0.04157 | 168 | 132 | 28 | 8 |
1709 | Because, Doris, just throwing out my list of dreams and aspirations lacks the dramatic flair appropriate for a would-be professional magician. | 1.2619 | 0.04487 | 168 | 136 | 20 | 12 |
1710 | Bada bing, bada boom and this is how you disappear the president tax files | 1.2619 | 0.04325 | 168 | 134 | 24 | 10 |
1711 | Dad specifically said, "Eric, be sure to put it in the Mueller file." | 1.2619 | 0.04157 | 168 | 132 | 28 | 8 |
1712 | And that, Mr. Mueller, is what a magician can do for your team. | 1.2618 | 0.03960 | 191 | 151 | 30 | 10 |
1713 | And voila! It never happened! | 1.2617 | 0.04194 | 149 | 115 | 29 | 5 |
1714 | Now watch carefully as I make this subpoena disappear... | 1.2617 | 0.04704 | 149 | 120 | 19 | 10 |
1715 | This is how every magician worth his salt files his taxes. | 1.2617 | 0.04405 | 149 | 117 | 25 | 7 |
1716 | In this trick, my assistant will make evidence disappear. | 1.2616 | 0.04173 | 172 | 136 | 27 | 9 |
1717 | Virginia, your letter to Santa will arrive electronically! | 1.2616 | 0.04173 | 172 | 136 | 27 | 9 |
1718 | For my next trick, I'm going to make my 2018 tax returns disappear. | 1.2614 | 0.04028 | 176 | 138 | 30 | 8 |
1719 | I will now cast my ballot for an honest president. | 1.2614 | 0.04263 | 176 | 141 | 24 | 11 |
1720 | Poof, we're a cash business again. | 1.2614 | 0.04186 | 176 | 140 | 26 | 10 |
1721 | ...and Presto! No more prenuptial! | 1.2614 | 0.03864 | 176 | 136 | 34 | 6 |
1722 | I wonder if this will work with the bunny. | 1.2611 | 0.04531 | 157 | 126 | 21 | 10 |
1723 | Unlike the rabbit this will never see the light of day. | 1.2611 | 0.04155 | 157 | 122 | 29 | 6 |
1724 | And for his next trick, Mr. Trump will make his taxes disappear. | 1.2611 | 0.03968 | 180 | 141 | 31 | 8 |
1725 | And now, my tax returns will disappear | 1.2609 | 0.04203 | 184 | 148 | 24 | 12 |
1726 | You're getting sleepy | 1.2609 | 0.04363 | 161 | 128 | 24 | 9 |
1727 | Abracadabra. The amazing disappearing prenup trick. | 1.2609 | 0.03893 | 161 | 123 | 34 | 4 |
1728 | Ipso, Factso, Fakeso, ... the shredded translator notes from Helsinki! | 1.2609 | 0.04132 | 184 | 147 | 26 | 11 |
1729 | I learned the paper works better than the rabbit did. | 1.2609 | 0.04538 | 161 | 130 | 20 | 11 |
1730 | Observe. This document will disappear before your very eyes and reappear as . . . toast. | 1.2609 | 0.04182 | 161 | 126 | 28 | 7 |
1731 | I don't explain my tricks, but I call this one "the disappearing vote." | 1.2609 | 0.04088 | 161 | 125 | 30 | 6 |
1732 | Voilà, the illusion of our marriage disappears. | 1.2606 | 0.04114 | 165 | 129 | 29 | 7 |
1733 | Next I, the Amazing Subpoeni, will make this document appear in court. | 1.2606 | 0.03930 | 165 | 127 | 33 | 5 |
1734 | Had to shred my old act. Women I was chopping in half were demanding two salaries. | 1.2606 | 0.04459 | 165 | 133 | 21 | 11 |
1735 | I perfected this slight of hand with my first wife's pre-nup. | 1.2606 | 0.04654 | 142 | 113 | 21 | 8 |
1736 | This trick most likely will not work. | 1.2604 | 0.04135 | 169 | 133 | 28 | 8 |
1737 | Go forth, increase and multiply. | 1.2604 | 0.04135 | 169 | 133 | 28 | 8 |
1738 | Boy...voting can be a brutal business... | 1.2604 | 0.03871 | 169 | 130 | 34 | 5 |
1739 | And that, is how you file taxes. | 1.2604 | 0.04135 | 169 | 133 | 28 | 8 |
1740 | This is a seasonal magic trick, I call it income tax intervention. | 1.2603 | 0.04243 | 146 | 113 | 28 | 5 |
1741 | Did you plug it in? | 1.2602 | 0.03819 | 196 | 154 | 33 | 9 |
1742 | This is were the magic happens… | 1.2601 | 0.04232 | 173 | 138 | 25 | 10 |
1743 | And presto, with a tap of the wand my personal tax returns for the years 1992-2018 disappear. | 1.2601 | 0.04152 | 173 | 137 | 27 | 9 |
1744 | The real trick was getting my hand in there to pull it out. | 1.2599 | 0.04087 | 177 | 140 | 28 | 9 |
1745 | And for my next trick I shall free myself from the bonds of marriage to my assistant. | 1.2599 | 0.04087 | 177 | 140 | 28 | 9 |
1746 | Aaaandd, ....wait....yes, here it is: the Steele dossier! | 1.2599 | 0.04008 | 177 | 139 | 30 | 8 |
1747 | Now watch as I make your tax return return. | 1.2599 | 0.04087 | 177 | 140 | 28 | 9 |
1748 | For my next trick watch how I make Donald Trump's tax returns disappear. | 1.2599 | 0.03927 | 177 | 138 | 32 | 7 |
1749 | Watch the shredder! This simple marriage contract will come out as a complete set of divorce papers. | 1.2597 | 0.03995 | 154 | 118 | 32 | 4 |
1750 | And now, for my next act, I shall make your vote disappear! | 1.2597 | 0.03870 | 181 | 141 | 33 | 7 |
1751 | Ladies and gentleman, please watch closely as I seem to make my assistant's union contract disappear. | 1.2597 | 0.03870 | 181 | 141 | 33 | 7 |
1752 | It's a balanced Congressional budget. | 1.2597 | 0.03949 | 181 | 142 | 31 | 8 |
1753 | And voila, as a part-time financial planner, I've solved your budget problems! | 1.2595 | 0.04506 | 158 | 127 | 21 | 10 |
1754 | Abra Cadabra Russian notes disappear! | 1.2595 | 0.04506 | 158 | 127 | 21 | 10 |
1755 | You’re next, lady | 1.2593 | 0.04339 | 162 | 129 | 24 | 9 |
1756 | Hocus Pocus Habeas Corpus. | 1.2593 | 0.04159 | 162 | 127 | 28 | 7 |
1757 | I learned this technique from Banksy. | 1.2593 | 0.03836 | 189 | 148 | 33 | 8 |
1758 | Martha, I promise I’ll get your paycheck back this time | 1.2593 | 0.04250 | 162 | 128 | 26 | 8 |
1759 | And now I'll make these #MeToo allegations DISAPPEAR! | 1.2590 | 0.03909 | 166 | 128 | 33 | 5 |
1760 | We put the vote tally in the shredder and the President becomes dis-elected, Abra... | 1.2590 | 0.04092 | 166 | 130 | 29 | 7 |
1761 | …and when I tap my wand, watch as my off-shore banking discrepancies disappear. | 1.2590 | 0.04267 | 166 | 132 | 25 | 9 |
1762 | Abracadabra! Problem solved! | 1.2590 | 0.04267 | 166 | 132 | 25 | 9 |
1763 | A/b/b/a/c/a/d/a/b/r/a! | 1.2588 | 0.04197 | 170 | 135 | 26 | 9 |
1764 | Please! No help from the audience! | 1.2588 | 0.04360 | 170 | 137 | 22 | 11 |
1765 | Behold, as this résumé for an educated, qualified, unattractive assistant disappears! | 1.2588 | 0.04279 | 170 | 136 | 24 | 10 |
1766 | Once I pull the paper out of the shredder, we will have the election results. | 1.2588 | 0.03941 | 170 | 132 | 32 | 6 |
1767 | I told you this would be faster than a divorce Janet. | 1.2586 | 0.04131 | 174 | 138 | 27 | 9 |
1768 | Right before your very eyes... I can make Trump’s tax returns vanish. | 1.2584 | 0.04144 | 178 | 142 | 26 | 10 |
1769 | It appears that even magical shredders get jammed. | 1.2584 | 0.03908 | 178 | 139 | 32 | 7 |
1770 | Trump conspired with Putin to commit treason. Now, presto! He NEVER conspired to commit treason! | 1.2584 | 0.04220 | 178 | 143 | 24 | 11 |
1771 | We put the court order in the magic box and presto, my problems disappear. | 1.2584 | 0.04144 | 178 | 142 | 26 | 10 |
1772 | Bye Bye Constitution | 1.2583 | 0.04353 | 151 | 119 | 25 | 7 |
1773 | Obama’s achievements shall disappear before your very eyes. | 1.2582 | 0.03851 | 182 | 142 | 33 | 7 |
1774 | Now I'm inserting this page, which contains the word 'rabbit' two hundred times,... | 1.2581 | 0.04020 | 186 | 148 | 28 | 10 |
1775 | Watch me carefully: for every ballot voted for me we will have three. | 1.2581 | 0.04374 | 155 | 123 | 24 | 8 |
1776 | And voila! The ballot disappears! | 1.2581 | 0.04179 | 155 | 121 | 28 | 6 |
1777 | Of Course I'll win. This isn't a third world country, it's New Jersey | 1.2581 | 0.04374 | 155 | 123 | 24 | 8 |
1778 | That's right, eight pages in a shredder that can only do five! | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1779 | And now I shall make the tax returns reappear! | 1.2579 | 0.04012 | 159 | 123 | 31 | 5 |
1780 | It says that I am a non essential magician. | 1.2579 | 0.04205 | 159 | 125 | 27 | 7 |
1781 | NC-9 Polling Station | 1.2577 | 0.04402 | 163 | 131 | 22 | 10 |
1782 | And now, with a tap of my wand, I will make the interpreter's notes disappear. | 1.2577 | 0.04316 | 163 | 130 | 24 | 9 |
1783 | For my next trick, I shall now let all my hopes and dreams disappear. | 1.2576 | 0.04385 | 132 | 102 | 26 | 4 |
1784 | Saw me in half, okay. But a shredder? This was NOT what we rehearsed! | 1.2575 | 0.03981 | 167 | 130 | 31 | 6 |
1785 | Watch as I make this restraining order disappear! | 1.2575 | 0.04328 | 167 | 134 | 23 | 10 |
1786 | Any friend will help shred a document. But only a true friend will you help cut a body in half. | 1.2575 | 0.04328 | 167 | 134 | 23 | 10 |
1787 | Click of a switch, a wave of the wand, jury summons be gone! | 1.2575 | 0.03981 | 167 | 130 | 31 | 6 |
1788 | I ran out of pigeons. | 1.2575 | 0.04244 | 167 | 133 | 25 | 9 |
1789 | I think I'm done practicing on paper and feel ready to try my new version of the "cut a person in half" trick. Are you ready? | 1.2573 | 0.03741 | 171 | 131 | 36 | 4 |
1790 | And, for our final trick, we will turn an ordinary piece of toast into a terrifying todo list! | 1.2573 | 0.03920 | 171 | 133 | 32 | 6 |
1791 | Watch my unreported earnings disappear! | 1.2573 | 0.04175 | 171 | 136 | 26 | 9 |
1792 | Honest. Fake news. | 1.2573 | 0.04092 | 171 | 135 | 28 | 8 |
1793 | For $29.95 you get the presidential tweet shredder and, for the first 100 callers today only, a VP bobble-head for your dashboard. | 1.2571 | 0.04110 | 175 | 139 | 27 | 9 |
1794 | ...and just like that your marriage is annulled. | 1.2570 | 0.03889 | 179 | 140 | 32 | 7 |
1795 | Next, I will make the rabbit disappear | 1.2570 | 0.03968 | 179 | 141 | 30 | 8 |
1796 | Now I’ll make my assistant disappear simply by shredding her contract. | 1.2568 | 0.03986 | 183 | 145 | 29 | 9 |
1797 | Now watch as The Great Gerrymandro makes your voter registration disappear. | 1.2568 | 0.04134 | 183 | 147 | 25 | 11 |
1798 | Take that, Zuckerberg. | 1.2568 | 0.03833 | 183 | 143 | 33 | 7 |
1799 | For my next trick, I will make the Trump/Russian agreements miraculously disappear. | 1.2568 | 0.03910 | 183 | 144 | 31 | 8 |
1800 | In this trick, I will fix this shredder without calling the IT department! | 1.2568 | 0.04406 | 148 | 117 | 24 | 7 |
1801 | And now, with the help of my assistant, I will make all evidence of the meeting with Mr. Putin disappear! | 1.2568 | 0.04806 | 148 | 121 | 16 | 11 |
1802 | Pelosi leviosa." | 1.2566 | 0.04428 | 152 | 121 | 23 | 8 |
1803 | At the sound of the magic word “Audit,” Madoff the Marvelous quickly made things disappear. | 1.2565 | 0.03943 | 191 | 152 | 29 | 10 |
1804 | Now watch me make this State of the Union Address disappear before your very eyes. | 1.2564 | 0.04536 | 156 | 126 | 20 | 10 |
1805 | You know, I wouldn't have to be shredding our marriage license if you just supported my hobbies. | 1.2564 | 0.04349 | 156 | 124 | 24 | 8 |
1806 | Banksy tells me this trick could make me a millionaire. | 1.2564 | 0.03951 | 156 | 120 | 32 | 4 |
1807 | And now...the disappearing Mueller Report. Zzzzzz.... | 1.2564 | 0.04253 | 156 | 123 | 26 | 7 |
1808 | And when I count to three, none of you will remember seeing this. | 1.2564 | 0.04155 | 156 | 122 | 28 | 6 |
1809 | I taught Banksy everything he knows | 1.2564 | 0.04444 | 156 | 125 | 22 | 9 |
1810 | Abracadabra! I will now make my paper trail disappear! | 1.2563 | 0.03990 | 160 | 124 | 31 | 5 |
1811 | And now, by means of my lovely assistant, a few magic words, and this handy-dandy Fellowes Powershred 6000, I shall evade federal prosecution! | 1.2563 | 0.04087 | 160 | 125 | 29 | 6 |
1812 | Next, I shall use the mystic box of knives to transport my tax return beyond the ken of man. | 1.2563 | 0.04275 | 160 | 127 | 25 | 8 |
1813 | And now, my famous “Disappearing Tax Records” trick, which I learned from The Great Trumpini. | 1.2563 | 0.04455 | 160 | 129 | 21 | 10 |
1814 | Abracadabra! My taxes are done! | 1.2561 | 0.04546 | 164 | 134 | 18 | 12 |
1815 | Watch and be amazed my legal troubles disappear before your very eyes. | 1.2561 | 0.04204 | 164 | 130 | 26 | 8 |
1816 | With two shakes of his small wand, Manshreddi makes women's rights disappear. | 1.2561 | 0.04204 | 164 | 130 | 26 | 8 |
1817 | Presto! No more constitution! For my next trick: what do you think of eighteen justices on the Supreme Court? | 1.2561 | 0.04114 | 164 | 129 | 28 | 7 |
1818 | And now, I’m casting the magic vote that will decide the election! | 1.2560 | 0.03960 | 168 | 131 | 31 | 6 |
1819 | And “presto”, your harassment complaint has vanished! | 1.2558 | 0.04154 | 172 | 137 | 26 | 9 |
1820 | My lawyer says it's the only way to make it truly disappear. | 1.2558 | 0.04154 | 172 | 137 | 26 | 9 |
1821 | And, ladies and gentlemen, the IRS isn’t working right now, which means I can make my taxes go poof (and you can too!). | 1.2558 | 0.03812 | 172 | 133 | 34 | 5 |
1822 | And voila! Your legal troubles have disappeared! | 1.2558 | 0.03812 | 172 | 133 | 34 | 5 |
1823 | And we simply place this infallible plan to end the shutdown in the magical remote suggestion box.... | 1.2558 | 0.04071 | 172 | 136 | 28 | 8 |
1824 | And Abracadabra! It’s now a Banksy! | 1.2557 | 0.04089 | 176 | 140 | 27 | 9 |
1825 | By the power vested in me by the New Jersey Magicians Alliance, I now pronounce us divorced. | 1.2557 | 0.04009 | 176 | 139 | 29 | 8 |
1826 | Sounds really shredful | 1.2557 | 0.03843 | 176 | 137 | 33 | 6 |
1827 | ...and with a touch of magic, we'll finally see the President's tax returns! | 1.2557 | 0.04089 | 176 | 140 | 27 | 9 |
1828 | A magician never reveals his secrets...or his credit card statements. | 1.2556 | 0.03621 | 180 | 138 | 38 | 4 |
1829 | Abracadabra! The votes disappear, right before our very eyes!! | 1.2556 | 0.03870 | 180 | 141 | 32 | 7 |
1830 | Abracadabra! Let this absentee ballot register itself! | 1.2556 | 0.03949 | 180 | 142 | 30 | 8 |
1831 | For my next trick, I will make my tax return disappear. | 1.2556 | 0.03870 | 180 | 141 | 32 | 7 |
1832 | And just like magic, workers' rights are an illusion | 1.2555 | 0.04148 | 137 | 105 | 29 | 3 |
1833 | For my next trick, I will put this piece of paper into the machine, and it shall come out in tiny bits. | 1.2554 | 0.03967 | 184 | 146 | 29 | 9 |
1834 | Wall-a! There you have it no more constitution! | 1.2554 | 0.03967 | 184 | 146 | 29 | 9 |
1835 | I will now make your accumulated paid time off disappear. | 1.2552 | 0.03925 | 192 | 153 | 29 | 10 |
1836 | And for my next trick, I will make my criminal record disappear! | 1.2550 | 0.04058 | 149 | 115 | 30 | 4 |
1837 | And the magical unshredder not only puts your documents back together, but edits and improves them as well! | 1.2550 | 0.03944 | 149 | 114 | 32 | 3 |
1838 | Plausible Deniability! | 1.2550 | 0.04275 | 149 | 117 | 26 | 6 |
1839 | This one's from Banksy so I'm going to grab it fast. | 1.2549 | 0.04498 | 153 | 123 | 21 | 9 |
1840 | And for my next trick. I will make my tax returns disappear. | 1.2549 | 0.04402 | 153 | 122 | 23 | 8 |
1841 | I promise you darling: This will be the last magic trick in our marriage." | 1.2549 | 0.04303 | 153 | 121 | 25 | 7 |
1842 | Donald asked me to make Muller’s notes disappear. | 1.2548 | 0.04510 | 157 | 127 | 20 | 10 |
1843 | Say the magic word, Mr. President, and I'll make that interpreter's notes disappear. | 1.2547 | 0.04159 | 161 | 127 | 27 | 7 |
1844 | A prestidigitator never reveals his tax returns. | 1.2547 | 0.03968 | 161 | 125 | 31 | 5 |
1845 | My God! That is our Marriage license! | 1.2547 | 0.04430 | 161 | 130 | 21 | 10 |
1846 | In preparation for my next saw trick, here is my assistant's liability release form; I call this bit "beyond a shred of a doubt". | 1.2547 | 0.03968 | 161 | 125 | 31 | 5 |
1847 | Turbotax. | 1.2545 | 0.04439 | 165 | 134 | 20 | 11 |
1848 | The rabbit is next! | 1.2545 | 0.04181 | 165 | 131 | 26 | 8 |
1849 | And now to make the evidence disappear | 1.2545 | 0.04001 | 165 | 129 | 30 | 6 |
1850 | That was the latest work by "Banksy" | 1.2545 | 0.04181 | 165 | 131 | 26 | 8 |
1851 | Get ready! I will retrieve a rabbit, slightly the worse for wear. | 1.2544 | 0.03849 | 169 | 131 | 33 | 5 |
1852 | Now watch me pull a Banksy out of my hat. | 1.2544 | 0.04114 | 169 | 134 | 27 | 8 |
1853 | I’m shredding the contract for “The Wall”... abracadabra.... oh shit! It’s the Cheque for the wall! Oh noooo.... | 1.2544 | 0.04199 | 169 | 135 | 25 | 9 |
1854 | Was THIS your shredded tweet? | 1.2544 | 0.03849 | 169 | 131 | 33 | 5 |
1855 | And before I saw my wife in half I will make our prenuptial disappear." | 1.2544 | 0.03661 | 169 | 129 | 37 | 3 |
1856 | With a quick wave of the wand - and like that! - your parking ticket has disappeared . | 1.2543 | 0.03793 | 173 | 134 | 34 | 5 |
1857 | When it comes out, the sensitive information will be blacked out. | 1.2543 | 0.04213 | 173 | 139 | 24 | 10 |
1858 | Now watch as I make this Banksy print disappear... | 1.2543 | 0.04050 | 173 | 137 | 28 | 8 |
1859 | As the president's new "Secretary of Redaction", we felt that simply "blacking-out" certain sentences left some ambiguity about our position | 1.2542 | 0.03989 | 177 | 140 | 29 | 8 |
1860 | I will now make the President 's tax return disappear. | 1.2541 | 0.04007 | 181 | 144 | 28 | 9 |
1861 | And, voilà, evidence has disappeared! | 1.2541 | 0.04007 | 181 | 144 | 28 | 9 |
1862 | Now, Ladies and Gentleman, with only a standard shredder, Abracadabra!! my opponents’ write in votes magically disappear! (NC 9 humor) | 1.2540 | 0.03819 | 189 | 149 | 32 | 8 |
1863 | For my next trick, I'll make my insider trading charges disappear! | 1.2540 | 0.03892 | 189 | 150 | 30 | 9 |
1864 | As they say, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic | 1.2538 | 0.04544 | 130 | 102 | 23 | 5 |
1865 | No, Karen, when I said that I wanted to shred on stage when I grew up I pictured a guitar not this. | 1.2535 | 0.04406 | 142 | 112 | 24 | 6 |
1866 | ...and in a few short moments, my assistant will cough up this document, fully reconstituted. | 1.2534 | 0.04434 | 146 | 116 | 23 | 7 |
1867 | OK, so I said let’s make the act more high tech. Is this really the best we can do? | 1.2534 | 0.04434 | 146 | 116 | 23 | 7 |
1868 | As a magician, I can even make government paychecks disappear. | 1.2533 | 0.04034 | 150 | 116 | 30 | 4 |
1869 | Now say the magic words, “Sarbanes Oxley!” | 1.2533 | 0.04144 | 150 | 117 | 28 | 5 |
1870 | ...and just like that, the evidence has VANISHED. For my next trick, I will miraculously ESCAPE from my assistant's lawsuit... | 1.2533 | 0.04456 | 150 | 120 | 22 | 8 |
1871 | For my next trick, I will reverse-Banksy this document. | 1.2533 | 0.04250 | 150 | 118 | 26 | 6 |
1872 | It says, "This act is toast". | 1.2532 | 0.04278 | 154 | 122 | 25 | 7 |
1873 | Soon the secret of my shredding magic trick, written on this piece of paper, will be shredded, thus forever ending my shredding magic trick. | 1.2532 | 0.04278 | 154 | 122 | 25 | 7 |
1874 | And next, the rabbit please. | 1.2532 | 0.04376 | 154 | 123 | 23 | 8 |
1875 | I hope the IRS and FBI do not make this reappear. | 1.2532 | 0.04573 | 158 | 129 | 18 | 11 |
1876 | Yes, I blew it on the Magna Carta and Dead Sea Scroll fragment, but third times a charm. | 1.2532 | 0.04206 | 158 | 125 | 26 | 7 |
1877 | And now with my magic words this sheet will turn into confetti | 1.2531 | 0.04318 | 162 | 130 | 23 | 9 |
1878 | Presto, some 2018 income has disappeared... next I'll pull an expense from my hat. | 1.2531 | 0.03947 | 162 | 126 | 31 | 5 |
1879 | Now only an intern could restore it! | 1.2531 | 0.04043 | 162 | 127 | 29 | 6 |
1880 | And for my next trick, I will make the U.S. Constitution disappear. | 1.2531 | 0.04136 | 162 | 128 | 27 | 7 |
1881 | And for my final illusion I will shred the constitution and reassemble it in perfect Russian. I call it the Trump Triumph | 1.2530 | 0.04070 | 166 | 131 | 28 | 7 |
1882 | And now I will read your mind. You're thinking, that's just a paper shredder! | 1.2530 | 0.04159 | 166 | 132 | 26 | 8 |
1883 | Would you prefer a rabbit? | 1.2530 | 0.03979 | 166 | 130 | 30 | 6 |
1884 | Come on out of there little rabbit. | 1.2529 | 0.04093 | 170 | 135 | 27 | 8 |
1885 | I will then reassemble the shredded page into a genuine Banksy worth millions. | 1.2529 | 0.03829 | 170 | 132 | 33 | 5 |
1886 | Presto! Whole again. | 1.2529 | 0.03946 | 174 | 137 | 30 | 7 |
1887 | And abracadabra just like that your tax problems are gone! | 1.2528 | 0.03805 | 178 | 139 | 33 | 6 |
1888 | Henry demonstrates to the court how his Redact-o-matic saves a bundle on toner. | 1.2528 | 0.03635 | 178 | 137 | 37 | 4 |
1889 | No paper has been harmed in this trick. | 1.2527 | 0.03832 | 182 | 143 | 32 | 7 |
1890 | Meet my lovely assistant, Miss Aida Ann Abettor. | 1.2527 | 0.03832 | 182 | 143 | 32 | 7 |
1891 | We need confetti for the act, I happen to have an impending indictment. Two birds, one stone. | 1.2527 | 0.04137 | 182 | 147 | 24 | 11 |
1892 | And just like that, your student debt is gone, madam. | 1.2527 | 0.03540 | 186 | 143 | 39 | 4 |
1893 | And say the magic word...presto, all our legal problems disappear! | 1.2526 | 0.03801 | 190 | 150 | 32 | 8 |
1894 | Let's see you return your birthday present now. | 1.2526 | 0.03873 | 190 | 151 | 30 | 9 |
1895 | Now, I will pull this full sheet of paper out of a shredder. | 1.2525 | 0.03912 | 202 | 163 | 27 | 12 |
1896 | Watch as I make this subpoena disappear! | 1.2519 | 0.04299 | 135 | 105 | 26 | 4 |
1897 | And now watch, as I make this ballot disappear. | 1.2518 | 0.04343 | 139 | 109 | 25 | 5 |
1898 | We magicians never reveal our secrets.” | 1.2517 | 0.04490 | 143 | 114 | 22 | 7 |
1899 | And for my next trick I’ll make make that pesky U.S. Constitution disappear for good. | 1.2517 | 0.04379 | 143 | 113 | 24 | 6 |
1900 | Next... ah, the translator's notes... Bye, Bye... | 1.2517 | 0.04614 | 147 | 119 | 19 | 9 |
1901 | No, Banksy is not part of this illusion. | 1.2517 | 0.04300 | 147 | 116 | 25 | 6 |
1902 | And now, I'm going to make Donald Trump's tax return disappear! | 1.2516 | 0.03947 | 155 | 120 | 31 | 4 |
1903 | And when I place the magic ballot in the box, presto, Hillary will be the president. | 1.2516 | 0.04154 | 155 | 122 | 27 | 6 |
1904 | And the winning lotto ticket is | 1.2516 | 0.04052 | 155 | 121 | 29 | 5 |
1905 | And for my next trick.....the federal budget! | 1.2516 | 0.04458 | 159 | 129 | 20 | 10 |
1906 | Abracadabra! Just like that I can make Trump's tax returns disappear. | 1.2516 | 0.04368 | 159 | 128 | 22 | 9 |
1907 | I will now retrieve your secret information from Equifax. | 1.2515 | 0.04467 | 163 | 133 | 19 | 11 |
1908 | Abracadabra--now I never said that! I wasn't even there! | 1.2515 | 0.04294 | 163 | 131 | 23 | 9 |
1909 | Right before your very eyes, I will destroy all evidence of what really happened to the bunny in the hat. | 1.2515 | 0.04137 | 167 | 133 | 26 | 8 |
1910 | And magically, by the end of my act, I'll have enough bedding for my rabbit cage! | 1.2515 | 0.03958 | 167 | 131 | 30 | 6 |
1911 | And for my next trick, I'll shred my mail without jamming the shredder | 1.2515 | 0.03866 | 167 | 130 | 32 | 5 |
1912 | And with a wave of my wand... abracadabra! No more health insurance for Carol. | 1.2515 | 0.04048 | 167 | 132 | 28 | 7 |
1913 | Now watch closely as the shredder speeds up when it detects the name Clinton. | 1.2515 | 0.04071 | 171 | 136 | 27 | 8 |
1914 | Er voilà, 2020 election victory! | 1.2515 | 0.03718 | 171 | 132 | 35 | 4 |
1915 | If this works, ballot boxes are next. | 1.2515 | 0.04071 | 171 | 136 | 27 | 8 |
1916 | Trying to make your prenup disappear again, dear? | 1.2515 | 0.04155 | 171 | 137 | 25 | 9 |
1917 | And viola...a tree simultaneously sprouts in Thailand! | 1.2515 | 0.04237 | 171 | 138 | 23 | 10 |
1918 | e Presto! - linguini ala carta! | 1.2514 | 0.03842 | 175 | 137 | 32 | 6 |
1919 | No meeting notes means I never met with Putin. In fact, better yet, I don't even know the man. | 1.2514 | 0.03926 | 175 | 138 | 30 | 7 |
1920 | Behold! as I, the Amazing Banksy, using only this ordinary shredder, turn this paper into one-point-five million dollars! | 1.2514 | 0.03968 | 183 | 146 | 28 | 9 |
1921 | And, now for my last trick, I will make my graduate school loan paperwork disappear. | 1.2514 | 0.03968 | 183 | 146 | 28 | 9 |
1922 | And just like that, you ex-husband never existed! | 1.2513 | 0.03761 | 187 | 147 | 33 | 7 |
1923 | We the people | 1.2513 | 0.03910 | 187 | 149 | 29 | 9 |
1924 | It's magic, but not as you know it. | 1.2513 | 0.03710 | 191 | 150 | 34 | 7 |
1925 | Expelliarmus Trumpus Translationus! | 1.2500 | 0.04182 | 164 | 131 | 25 | 8 |
1926 | Yes a moment ago I was fired,but now magically I’m still here. | 1.2500 | 0.03790 | 172 | 134 | 33 | 5 |
1927 | And for my next trick, I’ll make a priceless Banksy appear! | 1.2500 | 0.04115 | 168 | 134 | 26 | 8 |
1928 | And VOILA! The Mueller report has disappeared! | 1.2500 | 0.04586 | 148 | 120 | 19 | 9 |
1929 | And for my next trick ... I will make my debt disappear | 1.2500 | 0.03822 | 176 | 138 | 32 | 6 |
1930 | ...And, as you can plainly see, the printer has NOT run out of ink! | 1.2500 | 0.04252 | 160 | 128 | 24 | 8 |
1931 | And now, the great Manzini will show you how to make an FBI investigation disappear... | 1.2500 | 0.04201 | 152 | 120 | 26 | 6 |
1932 | And now - my audit letter from the IRS. | 1.2500 | 0.04326 | 156 | 125 | 23 | 8 |
1933 | And as if by magic...that incriminating document disappeared. | 1.2500 | 0.04115 | 168 | 134 | 26 | 8 |
1934 | And with that, all of your problems go away | 1.2500 | 0.04029 | 156 | 122 | 29 | 5 |
1935 | And now, the disappearing pre-nup! | 1.2500 | 0.04166 | 148 | 116 | 27 | 5 |
1936 | Is anyone in the audience of Russian extraction? | 1.2500 | 0.04027 | 168 | 133 | 28 | 7 |
1937 | Can Banksy do this? | 1.2500 | 0.04027 | 168 | 133 | 28 | 7 |
1938 | Just be thankful there wasn’t a rabbit under my hat today. | 1.2500 | 0.04063 | 160 | 126 | 28 | 6 |
1939 | I haven't fully worked it out but I'm pretty sure you will come out in one piece. | 1.2500 | 0.03752 | 168 | 130 | 34 | 4 |
1940 | Hmmm, No federal paycheck... no federal income tax filing! | 1.2500 | 0.03999 | 164 | 129 | 29 | 6 |
1941 | And here's the REAL magic...you'll recall Mandy was wearing a full skirt when she first came onstage... | 1.2500 | 0.04433 | 140 | 111 | 23 | 6 |
1942 | For my next trick, using nothing but a paper shredder, I will confess to no collusion with Russia. | 1.2500 | 0.04239 | 144 | 113 | 26 | 5 |
1943 | This sheet is my heart, Gloria. You're the shredder. Get it? | 1.2500 | 0.03649 | 176 | 136 | 36 | 4 |
1944 | And for my next trick, I shall resolve this printer error. | 1.2500 | 0.03666 | 200 | 158 | 34 | 8 |
1945 | Don't . . . shred . . . on . . . me. | 1.2500 | 0.04326 | 156 | 125 | 23 | 8 |
1946 | Now we know what happened to Hillary's emails. | 1.2500 | 0.04133 | 172 | 138 | 25 | 9 |
1947 | And now, watch my vote disappear | 1.2500 | 0.04159 | 160 | 127 | 26 | 7 |
1948 | The Amazing Mueller makes Buzzfeed disappear. | 1.2487 | 0.03649 | 189 | 148 | 35 | 6 |
1949 | Essential government employees have been recalled to the White House. | 1.2487 | 0.03945 | 189 | 152 | 27 | 10 |
1950 | Next I will perform this trick with a rabbit. | 1.2487 | 0.04086 | 189 | 154 | 23 | 12 |
1951 | Trump tax returns magically revealed! | 1.2486 | 0.03777 | 185 | 146 | 32 | 7 |
1952 | And for my next trick, the slow magic of 20th century technology. | 1.2486 | 0.03831 | 181 | 143 | 31 | 7 |
1953 | The Great Putini shows off his best illusion: The old "the ballot is cast or is it?" trick. | 1.2486 | 0.04127 | 177 | 143 | 24 | 10 |
1954 | This is why we needed a rehearsal, Stacey! | 1.2486 | 0.03718 | 177 | 138 | 34 | 5 |
1955 | Banksy tried this and failed. | 1.2486 | 0.03969 | 177 | 141 | 28 | 8 |
1956 | First I made my beautiful assistant's dignity disappear, and now I'm going to remove any evidence that it existed in the first place. | 1.2486 | 0.04193 | 173 | 140 | 23 | 10 |
1957 | Watch as I make this collusion disappear! | 1.2486 | 0.04272 | 173 | 141 | 21 | 11 |
1958 | Come on, you don't see this piece of paper crying about getting cut in half ? | 1.2486 | 0.04029 | 173 | 138 | 27 | 8 |
1959 | Your pre-nup, as requested | 1.2486 | 0.03771 | 173 | 135 | 33 | 5 |
1960 | I will now make my meeting with Putin disappear. | 1.2485 | 0.04006 | 169 | 134 | 28 | 7 |
1961 | Relax my dear , it's not your paycheck. | 1.2485 | 0.04006 | 169 | 134 | 28 | 7 |
1962 | This trick is called: ADMINISTRATION | 1.2485 | 0.04093 | 169 | 135 | 26 | 8 |
1963 | Delores, we've been booked for Brexit! | 1.2485 | 0.04247 | 165 | 133 | 23 | 9 |
1964 | And after the Cohen files, our Piece de Resistance! I shall un-Bansky!! | 1.2485 | 0.04069 | 165 | 131 | 27 | 7 |
1965 | Ok, wands almost set up. Just need to read the terms of service. | 1.2485 | 0.04159 | 165 | 132 | 25 | 8 |
1966 | All we need to call this magic is a fake audience. | 1.2484 | 0.04136 | 161 | 128 | 26 | 7 |
1967 | We re-cycle even the darkest deceptions. | 1.2484 | 0.04229 | 161 | 129 | 24 | 8 |
1968 | I’ve had plenty of practice. It’s just another bill. | 1.2484 | 0.04229 | 161 | 129 | 24 | 8 |
1969 | ...and now, for my next trick, I will make this federal indictment disappear. | 1.2484 | 0.04136 | 161 | 128 | 26 | 7 |
1970 | Our first gig was the U.S. Embassy in Iran forty years ago. | 1.2484 | 0.04107 | 157 | 124 | 27 | 6 |
1971 | And presto, my debt has disappeared! | 1.2484 | 0.04487 | 157 | 128 | 19 | 10 |
1972 | I don't need the divorce papers anymore, my husband won the lottery | 1.2484 | 0.04577 | 157 | 129 | 17 | 11 |
1973 | It'd be a better disappearing act if it were quieter. | 1.2484 | 0.04278 | 153 | 122 | 24 | 7 |
1974 | And for my next trick, I will make all your tax-season worries disappear. | 1.2484 | 0.03965 | 153 | 119 | 30 | 4 |
1975 | Notice that at no time does deniability leave the realm of the plausible! | 1.2484 | 0.04278 | 153 | 122 | 24 | 7 |
1976 | So, here I vote for equality between men and women. Let's see what happens... | 1.2483 | 0.04141 | 149 | 117 | 27 | 5 |
1977 | Now watch closely as I make these tax records.... Disappear! | 1.2476 | 0.03588 | 206 | 163 | 35 | 8 |
1978 | Abracadabra, the combination shredder / ballot box! | 1.2473 | 0.03984 | 186 | 150 | 26 | 10 |
1979 | For this trick, i will magically make all the evidence of Russian interference disappear! | 1.2473 | 0.03759 | 186 | 147 | 32 | 7 |
1980 | Try harder! Turn these lies into facts. | 1.2473 | 0.03649 | 182 | 142 | 35 | 5 |
1981 | I will now make 30,000 printed emails disappear! | 1.2473 | 0.04118 | 182 | 148 | 23 | 11 |
1982 | And, wait, wait, YES, IT'S THE PRESIDENT'S UNSHREDDED TAX RETURNS! | 1.2472 | 0.03867 | 178 | 141 | 30 | 7 |
1983 | Here's a nifty trick to make a bad review disappear. | 1.2471 | 0.03476 | 174 | 133 | 39 | 2 |
1984 | For my next trick, I'll make these lawsuits disappear! | 1.2471 | 0.03839 | 174 | 137 | 31 | 6 |
1985 | All this fuss over a parking ticket. | 1.2471 | 0.04071 | 170 | 136 | 26 | 8 |
1986 | Abracadabra! The evidence has disappeared. | 1.2471 | 0.04400 | 170 | 140 | 18 | 12 |
1987 | And now...watch as Mr. Interpreter puts the meeting notes into the box | 1.2471 | 0.04239 | 170 | 138 | 22 | 10 |
1988 | Behold! I will now make Robert Meuller's report disappear! | 1.2471 | 0.04071 | 170 | 136 | 26 | 8 |
1989 | Watch these Putin meeting notes magically recycle into fast food wrappers !! | 1.2471 | 0.04239 | 170 | 138 | 22 | 10 |
1990 | For my next trick...tax bill | 1.2471 | 0.03897 | 170 | 134 | 30 | 6 |
1991 | Presto-chango and the summons is magically converted into confetti. | 1.2471 | 0.03897 | 170 | 134 | 30 | 6 |
1992 | And, voila! Our pre-nup! | 1.2470 | 0.04137 | 166 | 133 | 25 | 8 |
1993 | And ab bra-cadabra, your vote disappears. | 1.2470 | 0.03956 | 166 | 131 | 29 | 6 |
1994 | This would be so much better if we could get rid of the cord. | 1.2470 | 0.03863 | 166 | 130 | 31 | 5 |
1995 | Behold as I, the Great Donald T. Rumpio, make this fake news disappear before your very eyes! | 1.2470 | 0.03956 | 166 | 131 | 29 | 6 |
1996 | Abra-cadabra! I can make this vote disappear! | 1.2469 | 0.04019 | 162 | 128 | 28 | 6 |
1997 | And for my next trick I shall make your rights disappear | 1.2469 | 0.04019 | 162 | 128 | 28 | 6 |
1998 | R U Kidding me??!@#$ A Paper Jam ! ABRACADABRA ABRACADABRA...... Start dancing Wanda ! | 1.2469 | 0.04205 | 162 | 130 | 24 | 8 |
1999 | Before we attempt to saw my new assistant in half, we will make her birth certificate disappear. | 1.2469 | 0.03922 | 162 | 127 | 30 | 5 |
2000 | Preserving confidentiality takes work, not magic. | 1.2468 | 0.04084 | 158 | 125 | 27 | 6 |
2001 | What is this, you ask? Well, I like to think of it as a new-fangled debt balance eater. | 1.2468 | 0.04370 | 158 | 128 | 21 | 9 |
2002 | Cohen agreed to pay me 150k to make the Constitution disappear. | 1.2468 | 0.04084 | 158 | 125 | 27 | 6 |
2003 | And for my next trick, I will make my legal culpability disappear! | 1.2468 | 0.04152 | 154 | 122 | 26 | 6 |
2004 | Don't worry, in a few moments this will be worth double. | 1.2468 | 0.04352 | 154 | 124 | 22 | 8 |
2005 | On second thought I'll let the IRS piece it back together. | 1.2466 | 0.03834 | 146 | 112 | 32 | 2 |
2006 | This trick is toast! | 1.2466 | 0.04407 | 146 | 117 | 22 | 7 |
2007 | and now watch as i pull out a paper from a old printer without getting the paper ripped | 1.2464 | 0.04578 | 138 | 111 | 20 | 7 |
2008 | And when I reassemble the pieces, Tiffany will be once again, be reunited, with her pants. | 1.2462 | 0.03734 | 199 | 159 | 31 | 9 |
2009 | In a few seconds,this will magically be worth more | 1.2461 | 0.03765 | 191 | 152 | 31 | 8 |
2010 | Watch carefully as I make my lovely assistant's contract disappear. | 1.2461 | 0.03538 | 191 | 149 | 37 | 5 |
2011 | I call this trick The Internet. | 1.2460 | 0.03741 | 187 | 148 | 32 | 7 |
2012 | And, voila! Our tax issues are gone! | 1.2460 | 0.03965 | 187 | 151 | 26 | 10 |
2013 | And VOILA!, the paper vanishes...in about 1-2 minutes | 1.2460 | 0.03584 | 187 | 146 | 36 | 5 |
2014 | It has been challenging to find consistent work ever since Watergate. | 1.2459 | 0.03794 | 183 | 145 | 31 | 7 |
2015 | ...and when the special counsel's report has been completely shredded, all evidence of Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election will have magically disappeared. | 1.2459 | 0.03548 | 183 | 142 | 37 | 4 |
2016 | And now watch my tax returns from 7 years ago disappear! | 1.2457 | 0.03733 | 175 | 137 | 33 | 5 |
2017 | The real trick is not getting your tie caught in the machine | 1.2457 | 0.03820 | 175 | 138 | 31 | 6 |
2018 | And magically, my assistant’s mini bar receipts reappear from the shredder. | 1.2457 | 0.03905 | 175 | 139 | 29 | 7 |
2019 | This way we don't have to buy the confetti | 1.2457 | 0.03820 | 175 | 138 | 31 | 6 |
2020 | And viola! This will make your credit card bills disappear. | 1.2457 | 0.04150 | 175 | 142 | 23 | 10 |
2021 | For my next trick, I will turn this shredded piece of paper into Banksy. | 1.2456 | 0.03876 | 171 | 135 | 30 | 6 |
2022 | Uh-oh, the notes from the Trump-Putin meeting. | 1.2456 | 0.03876 | 171 | 135 | 30 | 6 |
2023 | Prepare to be amazed! Until then I have some work to do. | 1.2455 | 0.04115 | 167 | 134 | 25 | 8 |
2024 | And on the count of three I will cast my vote for Trump. | 1.2455 | 0.04286 | 167 | 136 | 21 | 10 |
2025 | And now, for my final act of super-edgy street art, I will make Banky’s tax returns disappear! | 1.2455 | 0.03935 | 167 | 132 | 29 | 6 |
2026 | Watch closely as my taxable income disappears! | 1.2455 | 0.04026 | 167 | 133 | 27 | 7 |
2027 | Let's take a moment to acknowledge Diane's professionalism, as I remind you all that this document is our actual prenuptial agreement. | 1.2454 | 0.03901 | 163 | 128 | 30 | 5 |
2028 | I told you this bill was toast! | 1.2454 | 0.03997 | 163 | 129 | 28 | 6 |
2029 | What they don't know, it gets scanned before it is shredded | 1.2453 | 0.04158 | 159 | 127 | 25 | 7 |
2030 | Now, unless I am paid a sizable fee, I will magically restore the entirely undamaged tax returns. | 1.2453 | 0.04436 | 159 | 130 | 19 | 10 |
2031 | Now watch me make these votes disappear | 1.2453 | 0.04158 | 159 | 127 | 25 | 7 |
2032 | Abracadabra! And now for the election results... | 1.2452 | 0.04327 | 155 | 125 | 22 | 8 |
2033 | Okay, now bring in the bunny. | 1.2452 | 0.04229 | 155 | 124 | 24 | 7 |
2034 | I will now preform the famous cut and restore of a government leaked document! | 1.2452 | 0.04128 | 155 | 123 | 26 | 6 |
2035 | Close your eyes during this part, Dorothy. | 1.2452 | 0.04128 | 155 | 123 | 26 | 6 |
2036 | Watch now as it emerges as new. I call this trick "My accountant's nightmare" | 1.2452 | 0.03812 | 155 | 120 | 32 | 3 |
2037 | I call this one, the shredded Chad. | 1.2450 | 0.04092 | 151 | 119 | 27 | 5 |
2038 | And...voila! The last copy of The U.S. Constitution! Come back to Trumpworld soon! | 1.2449 | 0.04162 | 147 | 116 | 26 | 5 |
2039 | Presto! The paper is shredded. | 1.2449 | 0.04883 | 147 | 123 | 12 | 12 |
2040 | Viola, the PETA approved rabbit! | 1.2447 | 0.03873 | 188 | 151 | 28 | 9 |
2041 | And not even I will be able to put it together again! | 1.2446 | 0.03775 | 184 | 146 | 31 | 7 |
2042 | For my next trick, I will make this subpoena disappear. | 1.2446 | 0.03696 | 184 | 145 | 33 | 6 |
2043 | And like magic, there goes the pre-nup! | 1.2444 | 0.03988 | 180 | 145 | 26 | 9 |
2044 | Geoffry always took things too far... especially when it came to keeping toes in his breast pocket. | 1.2444 | 0.04141 | 180 | 147 | 22 | 11 |
2045 | I'm feeding the rabbit | 1.2443 | 0.03714 | 176 | 138 | 33 | 5 |
2046 | And now...we present the Mueller report! Drumroll please. | 1.2443 | 0.04049 | 176 | 142 | 25 | 9 |
2047 | And viola! Your democracy is gone! | 1.2443 | 0.04128 | 176 | 143 | 23 | 10 |
2048 | According to my divorce lawyer, this IS pulling a rabbit out of my hat. | 1.2443 | 0.03885 | 176 | 140 | 29 | 7 |
2049 | And the only record of the meeting of these two great men... | 1.2443 | 0.03801 | 176 | 139 | 31 | 6 |
2050 | Using my subpoena, the shredder will digitize the paper to Wikileaks. | 1.2442 | 0.03857 | 172 | 136 | 30 | 6 |
2051 | For my next trick, I make my assistant’s suggestion disappear. | 1.2442 | 0.03857 | 172 | 136 | 30 | 6 |
2052 | Hold it still now, Hillary | 1.2442 | 0.04194 | 172 | 140 | 22 | 10 |
2053 | And presto! We turn it into a subpoena. | 1.2442 | 0.03944 | 172 | 137 | 28 | 7 |
2054 | For my next trick I will make the audience disappear. | 1.2440 | 0.03915 | 168 | 133 | 29 | 6 |
2055 | No prenuptial agreement, no marriage. | 1.2440 | 0.04179 | 168 | 136 | 23 | 9 |
2056 | And now I will make my unpaid tax problem disappear before your very eyes...... | 1.2440 | 0.03915 | 168 | 133 | 29 | 6 |
2057 | And now I am going to make your paycheck disappear... | 1.2440 | 0.04005 | 168 | 134 | 27 | 7 |
2058 | Repeat after me: this trick is for paper, not bunnies. | 1.2440 | 0.04093 | 168 | 135 | 25 | 8 |
2059 | And just like that, we never married oooooo. | 1.2439 | 0.03975 | 164 | 130 | 28 | 6 |
2060 | I will start by shredding our wedding certificate” | 1.2439 | 0.04068 | 164 | 131 | 26 | 7 |
2061 | Voila,the indictment disappears! | 1.2437 | 0.03839 | 160 | 125 | 31 | 4 |
2062 | If you thought that was great, wait until I saw you in half. | 1.2437 | 0.03940 | 160 | 126 | 29 | 5 |
2063 | Abra Cadabra - Watch as I make these translation notes disappear. For my next trick I will turn money laundering into adoption. | 1.2437 | 0.04229 | 160 | 129 | 23 | 8 |
2064 | President's aren't the only ones who can make their dirty tricks disappear! | 1.2437 | 0.04039 | 160 | 127 | 27 | 6 |
2065 | You democrats know this trick from the general election. You put your ballot into the ballot box – and vanished it is! | 1.2437 | 0.03628 | 160 | 123 | 35 | 2 |
2066 | As the new White House magician, I disappear a lot more than the rabbit. | 1.2436 | 0.04105 | 156 | 124 | 26 | 6 |
2067 | Enron , The Magician . | 1.2436 | 0.04397 | 156 | 127 | 20 | 9 |
2068 | Your vote in russia | 1.2436 | 0.04302 | 156 | 126 | 22 | 8 |
2069 | Ladies & gentlemen, wait until you see what we do to the rabbit! | 1.2434 | 0.04277 | 152 | 122 | 23 | 7 |
2070 | Observe as all my tax records and any proof of my collusion with Russia magically vanish! | 1.2434 | 0.03960 | 152 | 119 | 29 | 4 |
2071 | The magic trick is that I turn the toaster into a shredder. | 1.2434 | 0.03960 | 152 | 119 | 29 | 4 |
2072 | I will now partially shred my tricks of the trade to auction at Sothebys. | 1.2434 | 0.04069 | 152 | 120 | 27 | 5 |
2073 | And for my next trick, I will be annulling our marriage | 1.2434 | 0.04174 | 152 | 121 | 25 | 6 |
2074 | Hocus Potus and...no Mueller report!” | 1.2434 | 0.04378 | 152 | 123 | 21 | 8 |
2075 | And for my next trick, I will get Donald Trump elected! | 1.2434 | 0.03855 | 189 | 152 | 28 | 9 |
2076 | ... and now the prenup... | 1.2434 | 0.03855 | 189 | 152 | 28 | 9 |
2077 | And just like that, the evidence has disappeared! | 1.2434 | 0.03551 | 189 | 148 | 36 | 5 |
2078 | You know Susan, I used to do this trick with a rabbit.... | 1.2432 | 0.04137 | 148 | 117 | 26 | 5 |
2079 | Paul Manafort's chief lawyer attempting to destroy incriminating PDFs. | 1.2432 | 0.04354 | 148 | 119 | 22 | 7 |
2080 | And now for my next trick, I'll make gluten-free papier mache. | 1.2431 | 0.04045 | 181 | 147 | 24 | 10 |
2081 | Abracadabra. Put this in and out comes a Banksy! | 1.2431 | 0.04194 | 181 | 149 | 20 | 12 |
2082 | Abra-cadabra: Incriminating memo, DISAPPEAR! | 1.2431 | 0.03646 | 181 | 142 | 34 | 5 |
2083 | Just watch this subpoena disappear! | 1.2429 | 0.03782 | 177 | 140 | 31 | 6 |
2084 | That's not your normal suit, is it Banksy? | 1.2429 | 0.04286 | 140 | 111 | 24 | 5 |
2085 | Actually, I bet they're raiding my house right now... | 1.2428 | 0.03657 | 173 | 135 | 34 | 4 |
2086 | And now, I will reverse shred the $100,000 check I shredded along with the Target ad. | 1.2428 | 0.04091 | 173 | 140 | 24 | 9 |
2087 | I am Banksy. | 1.2428 | 0.04008 | 173 | 139 | 26 | 8 |
2088 | 3-D printing a rabbit seemed like a good idea | 1.2428 | 0.04172 | 173 | 141 | 22 | 10 |
2089 | The name's Cohen, Michael Cohen. | 1.2428 | 0.04091 | 173 | 140 | 24 | 9 |
2090 | And, just like that, our constiutional rights are ripped up. Its a trick, not magic. | 1.2426 | 0.03984 | 169 | 135 | 27 | 7 |
2091 | Presto; our prenuptial agreement! | 1.2426 | 0.03894 | 169 | 134 | 29 | 6 |
2092 | The real trick will be cleaning this out without getting confetti all over the floor. | 1.2426 | 0.03984 | 169 | 135 | 27 | 7 |
2093 | And for my next trick, I will show you how to make evidence from a hard drive disappear. | 1.2426 | 0.03709 | 169 | 132 | 33 | 4 |
2094 | Magic made me do it! | 1.2426 | 0.03803 | 169 | 133 | 31 | 5 |
2095 | The true magic is in its Cross-Cutting capabilities. | 1.2426 | 0.03548 | 202 | 160 | 35 | 7 |
2096 | Watch carefully as I turn this subpoena into confetti fit for a hero. | 1.2424 | 0.03859 | 165 | 130 | 30 | 5 |
2097 | Abracadabra, audit away. | 1.2424 | 0.04046 | 165 | 132 | 26 | 7 |
2098 | Abrakadabra your turbo tax is not free,free,free,liar,liar,liar | 1.2424 | 0.03954 | 165 | 131 | 28 | 6 |
2099 | Abra-kannulment! | 1.2422 | 0.04112 | 161 | 129 | 25 | 7 |
2100 | Watch closely as I make this restraining order from the magician assistants’ union disappear. | 1.2422 | 0.04016 | 161 | 128 | 27 | 6 |
2101 | we cast the final ballots under the careful eye of the voters magician committee | 1.2422 | 0.04297 | 161 | 131 | 21 | 9 |
2102 | If it worked for Banksy it can work for me! | 1.2422 | 0.03818 | 161 | 126 | 31 | 4 |
2103 | And let's have a round of applause to Señor Sanchez for volunteering his immigration application for my next illusion. | 1.2422 | 0.04112 | 161 | 129 | 25 | 7 |
2104 | And on the count of three, your identity will vanish, and pop up instantaneously in Moscow! | 1.2421 | 0.03909 | 190 | 154 | 26 | 10 |
2105 | Oh ye of little faith! | 1.2420 | 0.04180 | 157 | 126 | 24 | 7 |
2106 | For my next trick, watch as I make my tax records disappear! | 1.2420 | 0.03876 | 157 | 123 | 30 | 4 |
2107 | Out of all the dangerous stunts Misty was the assistant for she never dreamed this would be the one that took her life. | 1.2420 | 0.04180 | 157 | 126 | 24 | 7 |
2108 | Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the illusion of no collusion. I promise to shred every shred of evidence which the Special Counsel has obtained right before your very eyes! | 1.2420 | 0.04082 | 157 | 125 | 26 | 6 |
2109 | Shredding it halfway doesn't make it a Banksy knockoff. | 1.2420 | 0.03980 | 157 | 124 | 28 | 5 |
2110 | 'Thanks Svetlana for being my interpreter.' | 1.2420 | 0.04082 | 157 | 125 | 26 | 6 |
2111 | Presto! There goes the prenup! | 1.2420 | 0.04180 | 157 | 126 | 24 | 7 |
2112 | You may ask yourself , How can 20 years of tax returns disappear into one shredder? | 1.2420 | 0.04277 | 157 | 127 | 22 | 8 |
2113 | No, my dear, this is tax 'illusion'. | 1.2418 | 0.04150 | 153 | 122 | 25 | 6 |
2114 | Ladies and gentlemen, wouldn't you know it? Just when the show was going so well, we appear to have developed a paper jam. | 1.2418 | 0.03937 | 153 | 120 | 29 | 4 |
2115 | And against my lawyer's advice-let's make this paper trail-disappear | 1.2418 | 0.03711 | 182 | 144 | 32 | 6 |
2116 | Now, let me see if I've correctly guessed what's on this Toast-It note | 1.2416 | 0.04008 | 178 | 144 | 25 | 9 |
2117 | ...and Abracadabra, all the evidence disappears. | 1.2416 | 0.03928 | 178 | 143 | 27 | 8 |
2118 | And for my next trick, I will make our bills disappear. | 1.2416 | 0.03678 | 178 | 140 | 33 | 5 |
2119 | Abracadbra, Mr. President. Your tax forms are gone! | 1.2414 | 0.04184 | 145 | 115 | 25 | 5 |
2120 | Voila! It’s Art. | 1.2412 | 0.04049 | 170 | 137 | 25 | 8 |
2121 | And I will make the TPS report...disappear! | 1.2411 | 0.04014 | 141 | 110 | 28 | 3 |
2122 | Voila! It’s a Banksy. | 1.2410 | 0.03933 | 166 | 132 | 28 | 6 |
2123 | And for my next trick, I’m going to make my summons for jury duty DISAPPEAR! | 1.2410 | 0.03742 | 166 | 130 | 32 | 4 |
2124 | The Trump Reality Show, Season 3 Finale: Who Shredded the Putin Meeting Transcripts? | 1.2407 | 0.03994 | 162 | 129 | 27 | 6 |
2125 | Your applause is deafening. Thank you, Steve. | 1.2407 | 0.04182 | 162 | 131 | 23 | 8 |
2126 | Now we wait for the rabbit to come out. | 1.2407 | 0.04273 | 162 | 132 | 21 | 9 |
2127 | We'll play it backward in the filmed version. | 1.2407 | 0.04182 | 162 | 131 | 23 | 8 |
2128 | And after making this tax return disappear we will saw Death in half. | 1.2407 | 0.03994 | 162 | 129 | 27 | 6 |
2129 | When you reverse the feed this paper better magically reassemble itself or you're gonna look really stupid. | 1.2406 | 0.03643 | 187 | 148 | 33 | 6 |
2130 | Presto chango! When you misplace the key to my leg manacles, your contract disappears! | 1.2405 | 0.04438 | 158 | 130 | 18 | 10 |
2131 | And now watch as I make these interpreter's notes.. Disappear! | 1.2405 | 0.04059 | 158 | 126 | 26 | 6 |
2132 | And just like that, my taxes magically disappear. | 1.2405 | 0.04253 | 158 | 128 | 22 | 8 |
2133 | At $1.2 million. Going once | 1.2405 | 0.03958 | 158 | 125 | 28 | 5 |
2134 | You can take it to the banksy, folks! | 1.2403 | 0.04126 | 154 | 123 | 25 | 6 |
2135 | Never fear, my dear...the President will come up with a new reality in the morning. | 1.2403 | 0.04022 | 154 | 122 | 27 | 5 |
2136 | The real magic, ladies and gentlemen, took place earlier today when my accountant prepared this tax return which, on reflection, could land both of us in the slammer. | 1.2403 | 0.04327 | 154 | 125 | 21 | 8 |
2137 | And with a wave of my magic wand, that previously shredded document has emerged intact! | 1.2403 | 0.04327 | 154 | 125 | 21 | 8 |
2138 | Abracadabra. Sorry,your vote doesn't count this time. | 1.2403 | 0.04022 | 154 | 122 | 27 | 5 |
2139 | To retrieve this, will be a miracle, not a magic trick. | 1.2400 | 0.04129 | 175 | 143 | 22 | 10 |
2140 | One wave of the wand and all the ballots will reflect my vote! | 1.2400 | 0.03883 | 175 | 140 | 28 | 7 |
2141 | I will attempt to let go before my hand enters the shredder. | 1.2400 | 0.03883 | 175 | 140 | 28 | 7 |
2142 | How did Banksy do it again? | 1.2400 | 0.03967 | 175 | 141 | 26 | 8 |
2143 | Voila! And now for the rabbit. | 1.2400 | 0.03967 | 175 | 141 | 26 | 8 |
2144 | Voter fraud??? | 1.2398 | 0.03854 | 171 | 136 | 29 | 6 |
2145 | I will now make this past due notice reappear in my mailbox next month. | 1.2397 | 0.04159 | 146 | 116 | 25 | 5 |
2146 | And now, for my final trick, I will make my taxes disappear! | 1.2396 | 0.03801 | 192 | 155 | 28 | 9 |
2147 | No taxation with magicianation | 1.2395 | 0.03912 | 167 | 133 | 28 | 6 |
2148 | Voila! My Banksy moment! | 1.2395 | 0.03912 | 167 | 133 | 28 | 6 |
2149 | This is a new version of Russian roulette. | 1.2395 | 0.04265 | 167 | 137 | 20 | 10 |
2150 | I shall now make high crimes and misdemeanors disappear. | 1.2395 | 0.03912 | 167 | 133 | 28 | 6 |
2151 | And now the evidence will disappear. | 1.2394 | 0.03780 | 188 | 151 | 29 | 8 |
2152 | And that's how the government watchdog report on migrant children separation 'disappeared'. | 1.2394 | 0.03704 | 188 | 150 | 31 | 7 |
2153 | The great Shredini shall now make the entire incriminating document simply disappear | 1.2393 | 0.04159 | 163 | 132 | 23 | 8 |
2154 | Pay no attention to the buzzing | 1.2391 | 0.03985 | 184 | 150 | 24 | 10 |
2155 | And now for my incredible Banksy trick! | 1.2390 | 0.04502 | 159 | 132 | 16 | 11 |
2156 | Affidavit-cadabra | 1.2390 | 0.04133 | 159 | 128 | 24 | 7 |
2157 | It's just doesn't have the same pizzazz as using the rabbit. | 1.2390 | 0.03936 | 159 | 126 | 28 | 5 |
2158 | I shred, therefore I am. | 1.2390 | 0.03936 | 159 | 126 | 28 | 5 |
2159 | And this, ladies and gents, will turn the Trump-Putin translator's notes into TP, before our very eyes. | 1.2389 | 0.03808 | 180 | 144 | 29 | 7 |
2160 | We've finally got a voting rights act that will make America great again! | 1.2387 | 0.04102 | 155 | 124 | 25 | 6 |
2161 | First, I shred my marriage license; then, behold, as I make half my belongings disappear. | 1.2387 | 0.04102 | 155 | 124 | 25 | 6 |
2162 | Now, into the ballot box it goes and shreddo | 1.2387 | 0.04203 | 155 | 125 | 23 | 7 |
2163 | Disappeared...Shredded...I didn't finish magic school. | 1.2387 | 0.04102 | 155 | 124 | 25 | 6 |
2164 | And ta-dah! Your mortgage application has been rejected! Thank you for choosing Copperfield and Henning for your banking needs. | 1.2386 | 0.03864 | 176 | 141 | 28 | 7 |
2165 | Et voila! My corporate tax bill instantly disappears! | 1.2386 | 0.03692 | 176 | 139 | 32 | 5 |
2166 | Sorry folks, but apparently the IRS is on its way, and I’m afraid ‘abra cadabra’ just won’t cut it.” | 1.2386 | 0.04028 | 176 | 143 | 24 | 9 |
2167 | Now watch closely as I turn this shredded paper into a legitimate candidate... | 1.2386 | 0.04028 | 176 | 143 | 24 | 9 |
2168 | I can make anybody’s tax returns disappear! | 1.2386 | 0.03692 | 176 | 139 | 32 | 5 |
2169 | Watch as I change this simple piece of paper into a million dollar Bansky for you. | 1.2384 | 0.04064 | 151 | 120 | 26 | 5 |
2170 | And NOW––it's a jam. | 1.2384 | 0.04091 | 172 | 140 | 23 | 9 |
2171 | There goes the United States Constitution. | 1.2381 | 0.03982 | 168 | 135 | 26 | 7 |
2172 | Trust me, Hillary, this should do the trick. | 1.2381 | 0.03982 | 168 | 135 | 26 | 7 |
2173 | And watch the tax returns- DISAPPEAR! | 1.2381 | 0.03686 | 189 | 151 | 31 | 7 |
2174 | You're toast. | 1.2381 | 0.04353 | 147 | 119 | 21 | 7 |
2175 | I now give you... the president's tax returns! | 1.2381 | 0.03982 | 168 | 135 | 26 | 7 |
2176 | And, presto, the paper un-shreds right into my hand! | 1.2381 | 0.04157 | 168 | 137 | 22 | 9 |
2177 | With a wave of the wand, I insert the paper into the magic box and, voila, the national debt has disappeared. Thank you -- I'll be appearing on Capital Hill all week! | 1.2381 | 0.03891 | 168 | 134 | 28 | 6 |
2178 | Heh, Trump thought this really worked on his tax returns. | 1.2381 | 0.03450 | 189 | 148 | 37 | 4 |
2179 | And voila! Along with my interpreter's notes, evidence of treason disappears! | 1.2378 | 0.03815 | 185 | 149 | 28 | 8 |
2180 | Ta da.....and next I will disappear the rabbit | 1.2378 | 0.04225 | 164 | 134 | 21 | 9 |
2181 | So I shred the 'fake news,' like so, wave my wand and say "Nostrovia" for our Russian friends listening in and then...Tada! The paper comes back out as favorable news! | 1.2378 | 0.04313 | 164 | 135 | 19 | 10 |
2182 | Nothing to worry to worry about folks, I moonlight as the President’s tax attorney. And a magician never reveals his secrets, unless it’s to the special counsel. So here we go. Abracadabra! | 1.2378 | 0.04044 | 164 | 132 | 25 | 7 |
2183 | And before your very eyes, watch as I make these sensitive documents disappear! | 1.2378 | 0.03656 | 164 | 128 | 33 | 3 |
2184 | I wave my magic wand and Presto! Out comes a Banksy! | 1.2376 | 0.04025 | 181 | 148 | 23 | 10 |
2185 | We're gonna recycle your vote. | 1.2375 | 0.03708 | 160 | 125 | 32 | 3 |
2186 | I call this trick is the Banksy. | 1.2375 | 0.04297 | 160 | 131 | 20 | 9 |
2187 | Don't worry,Helen. It worked on YouTube. | 1.2375 | 0.04297 | 160 | 131 | 20 | 9 |
2188 | And out comes a new prenuptial agreement. | 1.2375 | 0.04297 | 160 | 131 | 20 | 9 |
2189 | Watch as my assistant's restraining order magically disappears! | 1.2375 | 0.04110 | 160 | 129 | 24 | 7 |
2190 | VOILA, President Trump's 2016 tax return. | 1.2374 | 0.04633 | 139 | 114 | 17 | 8 |
2191 | My god! That's my only copy of the Gettysburg Address! | 1.2374 | 0.03715 | 198 | 160 | 29 | 9 |
2192 | There are options to gerrymandering, Sylvia. | 1.2373 | 0.03760 | 177 | 141 | 30 | 6 |
2193 | For my next act I will shred a Banksy. | 1.2373 | 0.04165 | 177 | 146 | 20 | 11 |
2194 | Presto! This simple shredded paper will now transmogrify into Donald Trump's complete 2018 Federal tax return. | 1.2372 | 0.04647 | 156 | 131 | 13 | 12 |
2195 | Don't worry, we should have this wand in working order when it's time to saw you in half. | 1.2370 | 0.03725 | 173 | 137 | 31 | 5 |
2196 | Not as dramatic, but sure beats the last guy sawing me in half. | 1.2370 | 0.03814 | 173 | 138 | 29 | 6 |
2197 | And next my lovely assistant will step into the shredder. | 1.2370 | 0.03986 | 173 | 140 | 25 | 8 |
2198 | Voila! As Mr. Trump says, "your subpoena is shreded so you are free to go!" | 1.2368 | 0.04147 | 152 | 122 | 24 | 6 |
2199 | Fig. 2. Constitutional law and stagecraft do not mix. | 1.2368 | 0.04251 | 152 | 123 | 22 | 7 |
2200 | Now, who wants coleslaw? | 1.2366 | 0.03719 | 186 | 149 | 30 | 7 |
2201 | Listen Honey, I'm happy to help but if you really want to make your jury duty disappear then just wear that outfit down to the court... | 1.2365 | 0.04431 | 148 | 121 | 19 | 8 |
2202 | And now, for my final trick, I'll make his tax returns....DISAPPEAR! | 1.2365 | 0.04108 | 148 | 118 | 25 | 5 |
2203 | Behold! As I turn this ordinary piece of paper into festive confetti! | 1.2364 | 0.03929 | 165 | 132 | 27 | 6 |
2204 | And Presto! The judge will not be able to find a shred of evidence to convict you! | 1.2364 | 0.03737 | 165 | 130 | 31 | 4 |
2205 | For my next act, I will make Trump’s tax returns disappear | 1.2364 | 0.04113 | 165 | 134 | 23 | 8 |
2206 | Now as I promised, you can see that all your social security numbers are being completely shredded. | 1.2364 | 0.03929 | 165 | 132 | 27 | 6 |
2207 | For my next trick-- How to disappear one hour of colusion with Russia... | 1.2363 | 0.03850 | 182 | 147 | 27 | 8 |
2208 | In goes the marriage certificate, and viola! We're no longer man and wife! | 1.2361 | 0.04406 | 144 | 117 | 20 | 7 |
2209 | Secretary of Magic "And for my next trick the Robert Mueller Investigation" | 1.2361 | 0.04180 | 144 | 115 | 24 | 5 |
2210 | I started using paper for this trick after 1 unfortunate loss of a rabbit. | 1.2361 | 0.04406 | 144 | 117 | 20 | 7 |
2211 | Much like the scandal, the lesser-known 'Iran-Contra' trick, continues to leave audiences shocked and astounded. | 1.2360 | 0.03581 | 161 | 125 | 34 | 2 |
2212 | Wordsmithing! | 1.2360 | 0.03741 | 178 | 142 | 30 | 6 |
2213 | Sawing a beautiful woman in half has become too costly and time consuming. | 1.2360 | 0.03741 | 178 | 142 | 30 | 6 |
2214 | We say the magic words, “Collusion's Illusion” and – Hey Presto! – the evidence disappears! | 1.2360 | 0.03567 | 178 | 140 | 34 | 4 |
2215 | Now I’ll wave my magic wand, and watch the evidence disappear! | 1.2360 | 0.03907 | 178 | 144 | 26 | 8 |
2216 | Donald the Great: "You see a State of the Union address, Nancy? Covfefe! Now you don't." | 1.2360 | 0.03907 | 178 | 144 | 26 | 8 |
2217 | ...and so, to make this transition to the paperless office, we’ll be distributing magic wands to all company associates.” | 1.2360 | 0.03741 | 178 | 142 | 30 | 6 |
2218 | For my next trick I’ll turn my assistant’s and my marriage license into a divorce decree! | 1.2359 | 0.03604 | 195 | 156 | 32 | 7 |
2219 | Another illusion on the cutting edge! | 1.2357 | 0.04055 | 157 | 126 | 25 | 6 |
2220 | If I can't read the bad news, then it disappears | 1.2357 | 0.04055 | 157 | 126 | 25 | 6 |
2221 | and when this reappears, it will be a perfectly toasted piece of artisan bread! | 1.2357 | 0.04055 | 157 | 126 | 25 | 6 |
2222 | It will reappear in the cloud at the moment I attain my Go Fund Me target. | 1.2357 | 0.04055 | 157 | 126 | 25 | 6 |
2223 | Aren't you taking a bit too far,with this whole dress-for-the-job-you-want-thing,Ben? | 1.2357 | 0.04155 | 157 | 127 | 23 | 7 |
2224 | And the magic word is FAKE NEWS | 1.2357 | 0.04055 | 157 | 126 | 25 | 6 |
2225 | Nothing is lost, nothing is added. | 1.2357 | 0.03953 | 157 | 125 | 27 | 5 |
2226 | I'm gonna ask my lovely assistant to watch herself please. Making this document reappear is one thing. Her thumb is another story. | 1.2356 | 0.03522 | 174 | 136 | 35 | 3 |
2227 | I will now place this ordinary subpoena into the box without reading the amount I owe my ex-wife. | 1.2356 | 0.03881 | 174 | 140 | 27 | 7 |
2228 | And next I will make a rabbit disappear! | 1.2356 | 0.03794 | 174 | 139 | 29 | 6 |
2229 | !arbadacarbA | 1.2353 | 0.03850 | 170 | 136 | 28 | 6 |
2230 | and presto, we have shredded your old birth certificate and you are now 21. | 1.2353 | 0.03759 | 170 | 135 | 30 | 5 |
2231 | Behold as the corporate hocus pocus of Theranos turns this once valuable stock certificate into hamster litter. | 1.2353 | 0.03850 | 170 | 136 | 28 | 6 |
2232 | ''Abra Cadabra we're divorced.'' | 1.2350 | 0.03750 | 200 | 163 | 27 | 10 |
2233 | evidence, schmedivence | 1.2349 | 0.03717 | 166 | 131 | 31 | 4 |
2234 | I can make it disappear but it would take a real magician to make it reappear. | 1.2349 | 0.04001 | 166 | 134 | 25 | 7 |
2235 | Hmmm making that rabbit disappear was a lot messier. | 1.2349 | 0.03908 | 166 | 133 | 27 | 6 |
2236 | My assistant will take this ungainly proposed legislation - and reassemble it into a coherent document. | 1.2349 | 0.04001 | 166 | 134 | 25 | 7 |
2237 | And abracadabra your ballet has been tampered! | 1.2349 | 0.04091 | 166 | 135 | 23 | 8 |
2238 | My assistant will open the shredder in 30 seconds and find the inserted page shredded and 10 copies of it completely intact! | 1.2349 | 0.04001 | 166 | 134 | 25 | 7 |
2239 | Unfortunately, the Constitution is no longer worth the paper it's written on. | 1.2349 | 0.04193 | 149 | 120 | 23 | 6 |
2240 | Where does it say you can't claim rabbits as dependents? | 1.2349 | 0.04193 | 149 | 120 | 23 | 6 |
2241 | You'll find out why magician assistants have such a high turnover rate when we switch to the rabbit. | 1.2349 | 0.04084 | 149 | 119 | 25 | 5 |
2242 | They say you can’t make taxes disappear. | 1.2346 | 0.03637 | 179 | 142 | 32 | 5 |
2243 | In case you were wondering, Oliver North taught me this trick. | 1.2346 | 0.03722 | 179 | 143 | 30 | 6 |
2244 | Once we upgraded the operating system, the dove flew off and took the hat. | 1.2346 | 0.03887 | 179 | 145 | 26 | 8 |
2245 | Now I pull a perfect copy out of my Reverse Shredder. | 1.2346 | 0.04158 | 162 | 132 | 22 | 8 |
2246 | A "50 percent off" coupon toward a rabbit of your choice. | 1.2346 | 0.04064 | 162 | 131 | 24 | 7 |
2247 | Why should I saw you in half my dear when I can just shred our license. | 1.2343 | 0.03861 | 175 | 141 | 27 | 7 |
2248 | Abracadabra....and the winner is,Vladamir Putin. | 1.2343 | 0.03597 | 175 | 138 | 33 | 4 |
2249 | Picasso, "The urge to destroy is a creative urge." | 1.2343 | 0.03861 | 175 | 141 | 27 | 7 |
2250 | Due to the delay in my federal magician's subsidy, I will be performing presto-change-O Lite. | 1.2342 | 0.04228 | 158 | 129 | 21 | 8 |
2251 | Now watch this! Old boring stuff becomes hot news! | 1.2342 | 0.04322 | 158 | 130 | 19 | 9 |
2252 | The real magic is me getting the paper I am shredding. Everyone has been trying to get these tax returns. | 1.2342 | 0.04131 | 158 | 128 | 23 | 7 |
2253 | Here goes my assistant’s contract. | 1.2342 | 0.03827 | 158 | 125 | 29 | 4 |
2254 | And now, I'll turn this everyday office memo into glorious confetti! | 1.2340 | 0.04227 | 141 | 113 | 23 | 5 |
2255 | It's called the Enron vanish. | 1.2339 | 0.03830 | 171 | 137 | 28 | 6 |
2256 | My chances of ever getting a date again. | 1.2339 | 0.03919 | 171 | 138 | 26 | 7 |
2257 | Where's the rabbit? | 1.2338 | 0.03994 | 154 | 123 | 26 | 5 |
2258 | For my next trick I will make the US constitution disappear! | 1.2338 | 0.04398 | 154 | 127 | 18 | 9 |
2259 | Abracataxfraud! | 1.2338 | 0.04099 | 154 | 124 | 24 | 6 |
2260 | The tricky part is putting the pieces back together again. | 1.2335 | 0.03979 | 167 | 135 | 25 | 7 |
2261 | This is much nicer...the rabbit doesn't fit well in the shredder! | 1.2335 | 0.03887 | 167 | 134 | 27 | 6 |
2262 | As the election judge, I can do what I want with any ballot. | 1.2333 | 0.03619 | 180 | 143 | 32 | 5 |
2263 | Now I'll make you're vote disappear. | 1.2333 | 0.03532 | 180 | 142 | 34 | 4 |
2264 | Flip the switch while I distract them with my wand. | 1.2333 | 0.04274 | 150 | 122 | 21 | 7 |
2265 | ‘Boring’, I hear you say. Well, next is the Bunny in my hat. | 1.2333 | 0.03868 | 180 | 146 | 26 | 8 |
2266 | If this doesn't work, I'm toast. | 1.2333 | 0.03619 | 180 | 143 | 32 | 5 |
2267 | And voila! You pay no tax! | 1.2331 | 0.04135 | 163 | 133 | 22 | 8 |
2268 | And Now for a Masterpiece | 1.2331 | 0.04314 | 163 | 135 | 18 | 10 |
2269 | I really don't understand how Banksy did it | 1.2331 | 0.03750 | 163 | 129 | 30 | 4 |
2270 | Don't worry, I'm only going to shred you in half. | 1.2330 | 0.03487 | 176 | 138 | 35 | 3 |
2271 | The Great Bandoni mistakenly shreds priceless historical document while hiding a worthless copy up his sleeve | 1.2330 | 0.03925 | 176 | 143 | 25 | 8 |
2272 | Abracadabra Alakazam Shred these tax papers Hiding the scam | 1.2330 | 0.04087 | 176 | 145 | 21 | 10 |
2273 | Abracadabra, the secret to this trick is now unshredded..alacazam, it's the rabbit's resignation letter! | 1.2330 | 0.04007 | 176 | 144 | 23 | 9 |
2274 | Hocus POTUS, Alakasham, say them with me folks, Abracallusion, Vladiflimflam. | 1.2330 | 0.04243 | 176 | 147 | 17 | 12 |
2275 | And now, observe as I turn this into a cloud. | 1.2328 | 0.03817 | 189 | 154 | 26 | 9 |
2276 | Ladies and gentlemen, my probation officer gave me this idea after I sawed my last assistant in half. | 1.2327 | 0.04204 | 159 | 130 | 21 | 8 |
2277 | Technology has really put a damper on the vanishing act. | 1.2327 | 0.04010 | 159 | 128 | 25 | 6 |
2278 | I'm sending an encrypted message that will now appear in plain text on your smartphones. | 1.2326 | 0.03810 | 172 | 138 | 28 | 6 |
2279 | WaLa,it disappears just like during the 2000 election | 1.2326 | 0.03810 | 172 | 138 | 28 | 6 |
2280 | I am now adding artistic value to junk mail | 1.2324 | 0.03794 | 185 | 150 | 27 | 8 |
2281 | An for my next trick, I’ll make my debts disappear! | 1.2324 | 0.03716 | 185 | 149 | 29 | 7 |
2282 | When my attorney said he could make my student debt disappear, I had envisioned something a little more legitimate | 1.2324 | 0.04432 | 142 | 116 | 19 | 7 |
2283 | Well if this doesn't throw Mueller off our trail, I don't know what will. | 1.2323 | 0.04177 | 155 | 126 | 22 | 7 |
2284 | And this shredder works on reputations as well as names! | 1.2323 | 0.03971 | 155 | 124 | 26 | 5 |
2285 | Next time listen more closely - I asked for the shredder, not the toaster. | 1.2323 | 0.04177 | 155 | 126 | 22 | 7 |
2286 | Watch closely as I shred my assistant's contract, and then we will see if she can reassemble it in 30 seconds. There are no copies. | 1.2323 | 0.04276 | 155 | 127 | 20 | 8 |
2287 | Abracadabra...watch my impeachment disappear! | 1.2323 | 0.03864 | 155 | 123 | 28 | 4 |
2288 | ...with help from my trusty assistant Hillary. | 1.2321 | 0.04134 | 168 | 138 | 21 | 9 |
2289 | Screw you Mueller | 1.2321 | 0.04134 | 168 | 138 | 21 | 9 |
2290 | Houdini didn’t have to worry about hackers and identity theft. | 1.2321 | 0.03678 | 168 | 133 | 31 | 4 |
2291 | Before going into real estate, Fred used to be a magician. | 1.2321 | 0.04047 | 168 | 137 | 23 | 8 |
2292 | And what have we here? An unshredding 'dear john' letter? | 1.2321 | 0.03867 | 168 | 135 | 27 | 6 |
2293 | For my next trick, I shall make my surprisingly litigious assistant’s lawsuit disappear. | 1.2321 | 0.03958 | 168 | 136 | 25 | 7 |
2294 | And now, I make the evidence of collusion disappear! | 1.2318 | 0.03925 | 151 | 120 | 27 | 4 |
2295 | And now, to make the tax return of Individual 1 disappear ... | 1.2318 | 0.04144 | 151 | 122 | 23 | 6 |
2296 | Next, we will try to analyze a phone bill. | 1.2317 | 0.04112 | 164 | 134 | 22 | 8 |
2297 | And with that I will make this lawsuit disappear. | 1.2316 | 0.03737 | 177 | 142 | 29 | 6 |
2298 | No, this isn't a trick. This is for security purposes. | 1.2316 | 0.03822 | 177 | 143 | 27 | 7 |
2299 | They sure don’t make magic wands like they used to. | 1.2316 | 0.03650 | 177 | 141 | 31 | 5 |
2300 | If I can nail this, I’ve got a big gig over at Facebook lined up after this. | 1.2316 | 0.03737 | 177 | 142 | 29 | 6 |
2301 | Can we plug this in? | 1.2316 | 0.03737 | 177 | 142 | 29 | 6 |
2302 | Magic, it can help you avoid both death and taxes! | 1.2316 | 0.03649 | 190 | 153 | 30 | 7 |
2303 | I guess Donald just likes the aesthetic of a magician making his tax returns disappear... | 1.2312 | 0.03887 | 160 | 128 | 27 | 5 |
2304 | And for my last trick, I will make your tax returns disappear! | 1.2312 | 0.03785 | 160 | 127 | 29 | 4 |
2305 | The magic may be gone from our marriage, but who says you can’t bring a little magic to divorce? | 1.2312 | 0.03887 | 160 | 128 | 27 | 5 |
2306 | Can’t speak for democracy, but voter suppression has been a boon for us magicians. | 1.2312 | 0.03964 | 173 | 141 | 24 | 8 |
2307 | Abracadabra Only shreds of evidence left. | 1.2312 | 0.03878 | 173 | 140 | 26 | 7 |
2308 | ... and watch as I shred my New Year's resolution list | 1.2312 | 0.03701 | 173 | 138 | 30 | 5 |
2309 | And just like that, Miss Adams.....Viola! Your contract with me is up! | 1.2312 | 0.03619 | 186 | 149 | 31 | 6 |
2310 | And now, I will make our marriage...disappear! | 1.2308 | 0.04052 | 156 | 126 | 24 | 6 |
2311 | Magician BANKSY! | 1.2308 | 0.03498 | 182 | 144 | 34 | 4 |
2312 | And now my assistant will help me shred the evidence. | 1.2308 | 0.04251 | 156 | 128 | 20 | 8 |
2313 | A magician never reveals his vote. | 1.2308 | 0.03667 | 182 | 146 | 30 | 6 |
2314 | Now you've all seen Trump's tax return. | 1.2308 | 0.03937 | 169 | 137 | 25 | 7 |
2315 | Ta da! And those critics thought I couldn't make anything disappear. | 1.2308 | 0.04251 | 156 | 128 | 20 | 8 |
2316 | And Presto a Banksy Original | 1.2308 | 0.03846 | 169 | 136 | 27 | 6 |
2317 | ...and, finally, the only signed copy of that codicil to the Bezos' pre-nup. | 1.2308 | 0.03948 | 156 | 125 | 26 | 5 |
2318 | The rubber chicken told me to shred everything. | 1.2308 | 0.03937 | 169 | 137 | 25 | 7 |
2319 | And the document now will vanish...subpoena-cadabra. | 1.2308 | 0.03846 | 169 | 136 | 27 | 6 |
2320 | And just like that all of your bills will disappear | 1.2303 | 0.03966 | 178 | 146 | 23 | 9 |
2321 | It's magical, the votes vanish and the hares appear tomorrow. | 1.2303 | 0.03710 | 165 | 131 | 30 | 4 |
2322 | ...and make it reappear, ladies and gentlemen, still as a divorce decree, but now with me getting custody of Mr. Floppy Bun." | 1.2303 | 0.04089 | 165 | 135 | 22 | 8 |
2323 | I wish Ted would drop it with these silly outfits — as if wearing them somehow magically makes this legal. | 1.2303 | 0.03710 | 165 | 131 | 30 | 4 |
2324 | May this caption deserve a short life at the bottom of a hampster cage”. | 1.2303 | 0.03904 | 165 | 133 | 26 | 6 |
2325 | Banksky: His Pre-Artist Phase. | 1.2303 | 0.03998 | 165 | 134 | 24 | 7 |
2326 | As I wave my magic wand and insert the ballot, I utter that magic word abra-electoral-cadabra | 1.2303 | 0.03904 | 165 | 133 | 26 | 6 |
2327 | No need for magic when you can make things disappear this way. | 1.2303 | 0.03904 | 165 | 133 | 26 | 6 |
2328 | If i were in politics, my tax cuts would be spectacular | 1.2303 | 0.03904 | 165 | 133 | 26 | 6 |
2329 | And when I say Banksy, put your tongue in it. | 1.2303 | 0.04089 | 165 | 135 | 22 | 8 |
2330 | Abra-ca-electoral college. | 1.2303 | 0.03808 | 165 | 132 | 28 | 5 |
2331 | And voila...I have saved his resume on file. | 1.2303 | 0.04223 | 152 | 124 | 21 | 7 |
2332 | And now I will make all fiduciary liability disappear. | 1.2303 | 0.04223 | 152 | 124 | 21 | 7 |
2333 | Please, ladies and gentlemen, do not attempt this trick at home, . . . at least for seven years after you file. | 1.2303 | 0.03788 | 152 | 120 | 29 | 3 |
2334 | The real wonder is why we still print things in the first place? | 1.2302 | 0.04125 | 139 | 111 | 24 | 4 |
2335 | Full Disclosure, One page at a time. | 1.2302 | 0.03996 | 139 | 110 | 26 | 3 |
2336 | If you keep holding on to that document, your hand is going to be REALLY small. | 1.2299 | 0.03833 | 187 | 153 | 25 | 9 |
2337 | Doris, get your thumb out of the way or else this won’t work. | 1.2299 | 0.03601 | 187 | 150 | 31 | 6 |
2338 | Why yes, my cousin is Banksy - why do you ask? | 1.2299 | 0.04027 | 174 | 143 | 22 | 9 |
2339 | I hope you’ve enjoyed the Trump magic show! For my grand finale: Into the shredder with the U.S. Constitution! Aaaaaand… Presto! Out it com…. Uh, oh… ehhhh… Presto! Uh… Something’s gone… Hmmmmmmmmm…. | 1.2299 | 0.03858 | 174 | 141 | 26 | 7 |
2340 | Behold as I make my IRS tax forms- disappear! | 1.2299 | 0.03943 | 174 | 142 | 24 | 8 |
2341 | Maybe this time the damm rabbit will come out instead of that orange haired thing! | 1.2299 | 0.03858 | 174 | 141 | 26 | 7 |
2342 | The rabbit has died, we should have stayed with the hat." | 1.2299 | 0.03771 | 174 | 140 | 28 | 6 |
2343 | And now, with this simple act, I will make my career disappear. | 1.2299 | 0.03858 | 174 | 141 | 26 | 7 |
2344 | This illusion was a lot more exciting before I ran out of rabbits.” | 1.2298 | 0.04428 | 161 | 135 | 15 | 11 |
2345 | And shazzam! The last piece of evidence magically disappears. | 1.2298 | 0.03764 | 161 | 128 | 29 | 4 |
2346 | Now they'll never read what I did to that rabbit! | 1.2298 | 0.03866 | 161 | 129 | 27 | 5 |
2347 | The Attorney General assured me that this trick would work. Even gave me the paper. | 1.2298 | 0.04249 | 161 | 133 | 19 | 9 |
2348 | I shall now shred this document, along with the thumb of my assistant........ | 1.2297 | 0.04190 | 148 | 120 | 22 | 6 |
2349 | Now watch closely as this piece of paper will be recycled into a wall. | 1.2296 | 0.03641 | 196 | 159 | 29 | 8 |
2350 | ‘Well here goes Donald’s billet doux to Stormy’ | 1.2295 | 0.04040 | 183 | 152 | 20 | 11 |
2351 | Watch this restraining order magically disappear. | 1.2295 | 0.03811 | 183 | 149 | 26 | 8 |
2352 | This lovely volunteer from the audience has agreed to let me make her ballot disappear. | 1.2295 | 0.03889 | 183 | 150 | 24 | 9 |
2353 | The magic of progressiveism meet the shredder of politics. | 1.2295 | 0.03731 | 183 | 148 | 28 | 7 |
2354 | Tis I, the Magical Michael Cohen. | 1.2295 | 0.03889 | 183 | 150 | 24 | 9 |
2355 | And now. I'll make my lovely assistant's identity disappear. | 1.2294 | 0.03826 | 170 | 137 | 27 | 6 |
2356 | And for this next trick, I will make my student loans disappear. | 1.2294 | 0.03542 | 170 | 134 | 33 | 3 |
2357 | And for my next trick I’ll make his tax returns appear. | 1.2294 | 0.03916 | 170 | 138 | 25 | 7 |
2358 | Now pretend this is paper is my assistant and I'm sawing her in half. | 1.2293 | 0.04028 | 157 | 127 | 24 | 6 |
2359 | As I told Trump, with the touch of a wand and the help of shredder, I could make the Mueller report disappear. | 1.2292 | 0.03615 | 192 | 155 | 30 | 7 |
2360 | Phew. Last time I pulled out a rabbit. | 1.2291 | 0.03614 | 179 | 143 | 31 | 5 |
2361 | I will now make the translator's notes of the meeting with Putin disappear. No, I'm not a expert magician, but I did sleep at a White House last night. | 1.2291 | 0.03866 | 179 | 146 | 25 | 8 |
2362 | And with a tap of my wand this harrasment claim against me will disappear. | 1.2291 | 0.03783 | 179 | 145 | 27 | 7 |
2363 | This was the form that said I can't turn anyone into a frog,right? | 1.2291 | 0.03700 | 179 | 144 | 29 | 6 |
2364 | It's a coll-u-u-u-sion. | 1.2289 | 0.04328 | 166 | 139 | 16 | 11 |
2365 | Banksy has nothing on me. | 1.2289 | 0.03788 | 166 | 133 | 28 | 5 |
2366 | Watch me make Trump's tax returns disappear. | 1.2289 | 0.03788 | 166 | 133 | 28 | 5 |
2367 | And now I, the Great-Outstanding-Phillip, will make this mail-in ballot disappear! | 1.2288 | 0.03879 | 153 | 122 | 27 | 4 |
2368 | And for my next trick I give you 'The Michael Cohen Fever Dream' | 1.2288 | 0.03988 | 153 | 123 | 25 | 5 |
2369 | Now watch carefully as I make these song lyrics disappear........wait, OH NO, they are JAMMING. | 1.2286 | 0.03923 | 175 | 143 | 24 | 8 |
2370 | you can catch my next trick at the Governor Mansion in Georgia | 1.2286 | 0.04006 | 175 | 144 | 22 | 9 |
2371 | Now, please watch carefully as I escape from taxes. | 1.2286 | 0.03923 | 175 | 143 | 24 | 8 |
2372 | One, two, three...Abracabanksy ! | 1.2284 | 0.03624 | 197 | 160 | 29 | 8 |
2373 | For my next trick, I’ll make my tax returns disappear! | 1.2284 | 0.03695 | 197 | 161 | 27 | 9 |
2374 | Wearing Lincoln's hat doesn't give you the right to shred the Constitution, Mr. Trump! And what's with the bowtie? | 1.2284 | 0.04133 | 162 | 133 | 21 | 8 |
2375 | And this is how we get rid of toxic masculinity. | 1.2284 | 0.03844 | 162 | 130 | 27 | 5 |
2376 | Not part of the act, ladies and gentlemen... I just love to shred. | 1.2284 | 0.03844 | 162 | 130 | 27 | 5 |
2377 | Ok. Not what I saw myself doing at this point in my life but my high school leotard still fits. | 1.2282 | 0.03824 | 149 | 118 | 28 | 3 |
2378 | And in my next act I will show how one makes an email disappear! | 1.2281 | 0.03895 | 171 | 139 | 25 | 7 |
2379 | Abracadabra, it's now great art | 1.2281 | 0.04152 | 171 | 142 | 19 | 10 |
2380 | And for my next trick, I will attempt to make this jury summons disappear... | 1.2281 | 0.03982 | 171 | 140 | 23 | 8 |
2381 | And then we shred the shredder. | 1.2281 | 0.03621 | 171 | 136 | 31 | 4 |
2382 | But first, I'll make this cease-and-desist order disappear. | 1.2281 | 0.03806 | 171 | 138 | 27 | 6 |
2383 | I can make the information on this page reappear on computers everywhere | 1.2281 | 0.03895 | 171 | 139 | 25 | 7 |
2384 | And now I will make the Constitional Republic reappear | 1.2279 | 0.04299 | 136 | 110 | 21 | 5 |
2385 | I like to start the show with easier tricks. | 1.2278 | 0.04005 | 158 | 128 | 24 | 6 |
2386 | Next we cut the translator in half. | 1.2278 | 0.03799 | 158 | 126 | 28 | 4 |
2387 | And now, watch me make this subpoena disappear! | 1.2278 | 0.03903 | 158 | 127 | 26 | 5 |
2388 | I shall now make this state dept. translator's notes disappear. | 1.2278 | 0.04005 | 158 | 128 | 24 | 6 |
2389 | Don't cry. Now we can both be president. | 1.2278 | 0.04202 | 158 | 130 | 20 | 8 |
2390 | And now I will shred my tax returns. Back to magic in a minute. | 1.2278 | 0.03596 | 180 | 144 | 31 | 5 |
2391 | And now using my magic anti-Mueller box, I will make this event disappear! | 1.2278 | 0.03846 | 180 | 147 | 25 | 8 |
2392 | For my next trick, I'm going to make the Mueller Report disappear | 1.2278 | 0.03681 | 180 | 145 | 29 | 6 |
2393 | Presto! No more hassle from the ASPCA! | 1.2276 | 0.04123 | 145 | 117 | 23 | 5 |
2394 | And with the wave of my wand, your affidavit will disappear! | 1.2276 | 0.03758 | 145 | 114 | 29 | 2 |
2395 | and now I will save Trump's tax return | 1.2275 | 0.03955 | 167 | 136 | 24 | 7 |
2396 | Yes, a President did show me how to shred ballots... | 1.2275 | 0.03955 | 167 | 136 | 24 | 7 |
2397 | And now ... I'll put my traffic ticket into the shredder, and later, you'll see, as by miracle, ... I'll get a brand-new new ticket! | 1.2275 | 0.04133 | 167 | 138 | 20 | 9 |
2398 | I'd like to add you to my LinkedIn network | 1.2275 | 0.04045 | 167 | 137 | 22 | 8 |
2399 | Before your very eyes, your paycheck shall disappear" | 1.2275 | 0.04045 | 167 | 137 | 22 | 8 |
2400 | My final curtain call is to pull a shred of human decency from these Panama Papers. | 1.2273 | 0.03818 | 176 | 143 | 26 | 7 |
2401 | And Presto! Evidence of collusion has vanished! | 1.2273 | 0.04274 | 154 | 127 | 19 | 8 |
2402 | I shall now magically change this summons for Jury Duty into a plate of delicious scrambled eggs. | 1.2273 | 0.03732 | 176 | 142 | 28 | 6 |
2403 | Relax. Just put on your best, “This is how we vote now,” smile. | 1.2273 | 0.03644 | 176 | 141 | 30 | 5 |
2404 | ... and – Hey Presto! – the bad reviews become ticker-tape! | 1.2273 | 0.03857 | 154 | 123 | 27 | 4 |
2405 | Abracadabra there goes another Republican vote. | 1.2273 | 0.03857 | 154 | 123 | 27 | 4 |
2406 | Wait! These are Trump-Putin notes! | 1.2273 | 0.03903 | 176 | 144 | 24 | 8 |
2407 | Abracadabra my ass! | 1.2273 | 0.04372 | 154 | 128 | 17 | 9 |
2408 | It's just as amazing, but much easier than sawing you in half. | 1.2270 | 0.03773 | 185 | 151 | 26 | 8 |
2409 | I will now saw this paper in half and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again and half again. | 1.2270 | 0.03850 | 185 | 152 | 24 | 9 |
2410 | Presto! Don't forget kids, it works for chore lists, report cards, AND tax returns! Now that's real magic. | 1.2270 | 0.03921 | 163 | 132 | 25 | 6 |
2411 | And now I'll make my tax problems disappear! | 1.2270 | 0.03823 | 163 | 131 | 27 | 5 |
2412 | See? I can make IRS audits disappear too. | 1.2267 | 0.03961 | 172 | 141 | 23 | 8 |
2413 | And with a wave of my wand, I will make your vote... disappear!" - GO | 1.2267 | 0.04046 | 172 | 142 | 21 | 9 |
2414 | I will now shred all the records of tonight's ticket sales. | 1.2267 | 0.03602 | 172 | 137 | 31 | 4 |
2415 | 'And now, I will make my taxes disappear.' | 1.2267 | 0.03602 | 172 | 137 | 31 | 4 |
2416 | And for my next trick, I will make this cease and desist notice disappear | 1.2267 | 0.03786 | 172 | 139 | 27 | 6 |
2417 | We've got to bury the evidence first, then the rabbit. | 1.2267 | 0.04030 | 150 | 121 | 24 | 5 |
2418 | And here we have our prenup back again, as good as new. | 1.2267 | 0.03917 | 150 | 120 | 26 | 4 |
2419 | I will now make my attorneys' fees disappear! | 1.2264 | 0.03882 | 159 | 128 | 26 | 5 |
2420 | Presto Change-o fraud indictment Disappear-o! | 1.2264 | 0.04081 | 159 | 130 | 22 | 7 |
2421 | After working thirty years as a magician, I can finally make my mortgage disappear. | 1.2264 | 0.04178 | 159 | 131 | 20 | 8 |
2422 | The sex therapist said to try new things. | 1.2264 | 0.04178 | 159 | 131 | 20 | 8 |
2423 | I am holding our national audience as witnesses that I have delivered President Trump's tax returns directly to Congress. | 1.2264 | 0.04272 | 159 | 132 | 18 | 9 |
2424 | The last paper we will ever read | 1.2264 | 0.03983 | 159 | 129 | 24 | 6 |
2425 | And for my next trick, I'll make this prenuptial contract disappear before Soon-to-Be-Ex-Mrs.-The-Great-Zambini's eyes... | 1.2264 | 0.03882 | 159 | 128 | 26 | 5 |
2426 | And now, watch all my bills disappear. Tadaaa!!! | 1.2263 | 0.03628 | 190 | 154 | 29 | 7 |
2427 | I will now change the translator notes from English to Cyrillic. | 1.2262 | 0.03933 | 168 | 137 | 24 | 7 |
2428 | This next trick eliminates wordiness in a flash. | 1.2262 | 0.03842 | 168 | 136 | 26 | 6 |
2429 | And once the contract is shredded, I will totally disappear from this miserable venue! | 1.2262 | 0.03933 | 168 | 137 | 24 | 7 |
2430 | Abracadabra. Watch me make those ballots disappear! | 1.2260 | 0.03799 | 177 | 144 | 26 | 7 |
2431 | It’s magic! The printer works! | 1.2260 | 0.03883 | 177 | 145 | 24 | 8 |
2432 | I'm testing this before I make my lovely assistant disappear. | 1.2260 | 0.03536 | 177 | 141 | 32 | 4 |
2433 | And for our next trick, Janice and I will fight over custody of our son. | 1.2258 | 0.03677 | 186 | 151 | 28 | 7 |
2434 | Very clever how the toaster exposes the secret ink! | 1.2258 | 0.03597 | 186 | 150 | 30 | 6 |
2435 | Thank God the rabbit actually disappeared. | 1.2258 | 0.03942 | 155 | 125 | 25 | 5 |
2436 | I'm hoping that by shredding this contract bid for a border wall, the President will magically become Mr. Rogers. | 1.2256 | 0.04087 | 164 | 135 | 21 | 8 |
2437 | Hocus pocus marriage license toasta | 1.2256 | 0.03703 | 164 | 131 | 29 | 4 |
2438 | And now, with assistance from my girlfriend Gayle, I will make my child-support payments disappear. | 1.2256 | 0.04266 | 164 | 137 | 17 | 10 |
2439 | I think that noise means the bin's full | 1.2256 | 0.03994 | 164 | 134 | 23 | 7 |
2440 | I may need someone from the IRS for the next part of this trick | 1.2256 | 0.03900 | 164 | 133 | 25 | 6 |
2441 | Oh, the magic of tax time! | 1.2256 | 0.03638 | 133 | 103 | 30 | 0 |
2442 | Mister President, imagine these are Articles of Impeachment... | 1.2254 | 0.03766 | 173 | 140 | 27 | 6 |
2443 | Watch my assistant put these shreds together and pull out a rabbit | 1.2254 | 0.03583 | 173 | 138 | 31 | 4 |
2444 | Abracadabra, alakazam. Disappear my assistant's contract and sonogram." | 1.2254 | 0.03766 | 173 | 140 | 27 | 6 |
2445 | And now to make this bill disappear. | 1.2254 | 0.03676 | 173 | 139 | 29 | 5 |
2446 | Your document can disappear just like this subpoena for a one hundred dollar donation. | 1.2254 | 0.04025 | 173 | 143 | 21 | 9 |
2447 | Now that we know the machine works, I shall make Jaylene disappear. | 1.2254 | 0.03676 | 173 | 139 | 29 | 5 |
2448 | Some Democrats have cast doubts on congressional Republicans’ new plan to help federal employees manage their bills during the government shutdown. | 1.2253 | 0.03887 | 182 | 150 | 23 | 9 |
2449 | And now my greatest trick, making Trump's tax returns disappear | 1.2253 | 0.03561 | 182 | 146 | 31 | 5 |
2450 | Let's try our marriage certificate. It's a win, either way. | 1.2253 | 0.03645 | 182 | 147 | 29 | 6 |
2451 | Now I'll restore the paper, and a doctor in the house will do the same to my assistant's thumb. | 1.2253 | 0.03727 | 182 | 148 | 27 | 7 |
2452 | Hold ‘er steady, Karen. We’re only chapter two. | 1.2253 | 0.03727 | 182 | 148 | 27 | 7 |
2453 | And bibbiddi-bobbiddi-boom! My financial struggles have mysteriously disappeared. For my next trick I shall fly.....To the Cayman Islands. | 1.2250 | 0.03860 | 160 | 129 | 26 | 5 |
2454 | Thanks! My wand is broken. | 1.2250 | 0.03757 | 160 | 128 | 28 | 4 |
2455 | Presto chango shredo. | 1.2250 | 0.04154 | 160 | 132 | 20 | 8 |
2456 | Nothing up the sleeves, and, Ta-Dum! Look, no redaction needed! | 1.2249 | 0.03821 | 169 | 137 | 26 | 6 |
2457 | Like they say, fake it till you make it. | 1.2249 | 0.03912 | 169 | 138 | 24 | 7 |
2458 | Lets hope magic works this time. | 1.2249 | 0.04001 | 169 | 139 | 22 | 8 |
2459 | Yes, I am with the government, and I am here to help you. | 1.2249 | 0.03821 | 169 | 137 | 26 | 6 |
2460 | I guess they're right, this electronic age is shear magic. | 1.2247 | 0.03695 | 178 | 144 | 28 | 6 |
2461 | This new trick is called "The Presidential Tax Return" and if I do it right, it ends up in David Blaine's stomach. | 1.2247 | 0.03863 | 178 | 146 | 24 | 8 |
2462 | Except for the blood, this was much better trick when I used a rabbit. | 1.2245 | 0.04072 | 147 | 119 | 23 | 5 |
2463 | Abraca...Deborah...could ya give it a little shake... | 1.2245 | 0.03832 | 196 | 163 | 22 | 11 |
2464 | Take that, Toastmasters Club. | 1.2244 | 0.04024 | 156 | 127 | 23 | 6 |
2465 | Dispatching with a hocus-pocus, this presidential Twitter opus. | 1.2244 | 0.03920 | 156 | 126 | 25 | 5 |
2466 | Viola, the interpreter's notes: COLLUSION | 1.2244 | 0.04125 | 156 | 128 | 21 | 7 |
2467 | I'm going to make our marriage licence disappear... and tada... I'm single again! | 1.2244 | 0.04125 | 156 | 128 | 21 | 7 |
2468 | An audience member has given me the only copy of his tax returns in existence. He is a VIP who holds one of the most powerful positions in the world, but I am not at liberty to use his real name. | 1.2242 | 0.03973 | 165 | 135 | 23 | 7 |
2469 | I've demonstrated that sawing a woman in half isn't criminal while holding this wand. Now for my next trick... | 1.2242 | 0.03878 | 165 | 134 | 25 | 6 |
2470 | I never really believed in this Democracy nonsense anyway. | 1.2242 | 0.03683 | 165 | 132 | 29 | 4 |
2471 | It's magic how we can make these tax records disappear. | 1.2241 | 0.03834 | 174 | 142 | 25 | 7 |
2472 | Now you see it... Soon you won’t. As featured on America’s Not Talent. | 1.2241 | 0.03747 | 174 | 141 | 27 | 6 |
2473 | The real magic is in step two: avoiding the IRS | 1.2241 | 0.03834 | 174 | 142 | 25 | 7 |
2474 | Now I will make my criminal record disappear. | 1.2241 | 0.03565 | 174 | 139 | 31 | 4 |
2475 | And for my next act, I shall make my taxes disappear. | 1.2241 | 0.03747 | 174 | 141 | 27 | 6 |
2476 | This is how I made Trump think we were shredding the Mueller report. | 1.2237 | 0.04090 | 152 | 124 | 22 | 6 |
2477 | I will now make jury duty disappear! | 1.2236 | 0.03630 | 161 | 128 | 30 | 3 |
2478 | For a nominal fee I will make all your bills irretrievably disappear. | 1.2235 | 0.03980 | 170 | 140 | 22 | 8 |
2479 | Yes! It looks like a shredder, sounds and acts like a shredder. But Ladies and Gentlemen: Have no doubt. I assure you my vote will still count! | 1.2235 | 0.04066 | 170 | 141 | 20 | 9 |
2480 | This is no illusion folks, this is Enron at it's finest! | 1.2235 | 0.03980 | 170 | 140 | 22 | 8 |
2481 | And now, before your very eyes, I'll make our pre nup disappear... | 1.2235 | 0.03613 | 170 | 136 | 30 | 4 |
2482 | Abra-dabra -papershacabra | 1.2235 | 0.03801 | 170 | 138 | 26 | 6 |
2483 | Tax return? There is no tax return! | 1.2235 | 0.03801 | 170 | 138 | 26 | 6 |
2484 | And now , Ladies and Gentleman, you will see how this antique ink-jet printer from 2002 prints its fifth page in a row without a cartridge change. | 1.2235 | 0.03843 | 179 | 147 | 24 | 8 |
2485 | How one man prepares to imitate Donald Trump speaking. | 1.2235 | 0.03924 | 179 | 148 | 22 | 9 |
2486 | And for my final act, I'll make our marriage license disappear | 1.2235 | 0.03501 | 179 | 143 | 32 | 4 |
2487 | Tell Abe to vote ballet" (palindrome! | 1.2234 | 0.03482 | 188 | 151 | 32 | 5 |
2488 | Mueller’s report, vanished! | 1.2230 | 0.03932 | 148 | 119 | 25 | 4 |
2489 | And, as I said to the auditor, '"Presto!' | 1.2229 | 0.04101 | 157 | 129 | 21 | 7 |
2490 | Watch my latest trick: unshredding evidence! | 1.2229 | 0.03951 | 166 | 136 | 23 | 7 |
2491 | And now I will make your prenup magically disappear | 1.2229 | 0.03562 | 166 | 132 | 31 | 3 |
2492 | My To Do list disappears like magic! | 1.2229 | 0.03815 | 175 | 143 | 25 | 7 |
2493 | Now all I need is to say the magic word - abrrrcrrrddrrbbrrrrr | 1.2229 | 0.03728 | 175 | 142 | 27 | 6 |
2494 | ...one can come up with most any excuse to meet a half naked blond! | 1.2228 | 0.03652 | 193 | 158 | 27 | 8 |
2495 | Now for my next trick, watch your paycheck shred right before your eyes. | 1.2228 | 0.03423 | 193 | 155 | 33 | 5 |
2496 | This trick's a lot more complicated than the one where we saw a woman into just two parts. | 1.2228 | 0.03501 | 193 | 156 | 31 | 6 |
2497 | And now, ladies and gentlemen, the subpoena about the incident in Orlando will disappear. | 1.2222 | 0.03781 | 171 | 139 | 26 | 6 |
2498 | This way, Kellyanne, nobody will ask for my dad’s tax return anymore! | 1.2222 | 0.04107 | 162 | 134 | 20 | 8 |
2499 | Audience, you are now watching my divorce summons disappear. | 1.2222 | 0.04013 | 162 | 133 | 22 | 7 |
2500 | At Magic Shred, I feel valued for the skill set I bring to the job of document disappearance. | 1.2222 | 0.03211 | 198 | 157 | 38 | 3 |
2501 | And now I'm going to turn this marriage certificate into divorce papers. | 1.2222 | 0.03849 | 153 | 123 | 26 | 4 |
2502 | Carl, did you make the rabbit disapear too? | 1.2222 | 0.04116 | 144 | 117 | 22 | 5 |
2503 | Since this is a banking convention, I will shred my handkerchief, and all of you will receive a picture of a rabbit via email. | 1.2222 | 0.04346 | 144 | 119 | 18 | 7 |
2504 | This is another way to make that subpoena disappear. | 1.2222 | 0.04066 | 153 | 125 | 22 | 6 |
2505 | Watch as I turn my taxes into government policy. | 1.2222 | 0.03871 | 171 | 140 | 24 | 7 |
2506 | For my next trick, my expense report fiction vanishes forever! | 1.2222 | 0.03916 | 162 | 132 | 24 | 6 |
2507 | ... and here is my final trick: Making confetti out of paper! | 1.2222 | 0.04233 | 144 | 118 | 20 | 6 |
2508 | Critics agreed that The Great Torzinni had the first half of his tricks down cold. | 1.2222 | 0.03817 | 162 | 131 | 26 | 5 |
2509 | And now my tax evasion charges will disappear! | 1.2222 | 0.03715 | 162 | 130 | 28 | 4 |
2510 | I'm not as sure about death as I am about taxes. | 1.2222 | 0.03715 | 162 | 130 | 28 | 4 |
2511 | ...as I make a work of art emerge from the shredder. | 1.2222 | 0.03849 | 153 | 123 | 26 | 4 |
2512 | Ladies and Gentlemen, for your delectation: All The News That's Fit to Shred. | 1.2222 | 0.03742 | 180 | 147 | 26 | 7 |
2513 | And another woman who had an affair with Donald Trump confesses! | 1.2222 | 0.03781 | 171 | 139 | 26 | 6 |
2514 | I will now turn this damning evidence into FOIA-exempt evidence. | 1.2222 | 0.03689 | 171 | 138 | 28 | 5 |
2515 | So sorry folks, the lady I sawed in half was from IT! | 1.2216 | 0.03561 | 194 | 158 | 29 | 7 |
2516 | You want a trick? Shazam! Trump becomes president. | 1.2216 | 0.03849 | 194 | 162 | 21 | 11 |
2517 | Thank you for lifting that for me, if I bent down I may have dropped the cake off my head. | 1.2216 | 0.03592 | 185 | 150 | 29 | 6 |
2518 | Decompose, Ye, my tax returns. | 1.2216 | 0.03592 | 185 | 150 | 29 | 6 |
2519 | If this won't work, I'll just make the damn thing disappear | 1.2216 | 0.03424 | 185 | 148 | 33 | 4 |
2520 | And for my next trick, I'll need a piece of paper from the audience... | 1.2216 | 0.03708 | 176 | 143 | 27 | 6 |
2521 | ..and now the great Putin-ski will create a shredded salad with Russian dressing using just my tax returns | 1.2216 | 0.03708 | 176 | 143 | 27 | 6 |
2522 | For only $5 you too can watch your tax bill disappear. | 1.2216 | 0.03795 | 176 | 144 | 25 | 7 |
2523 | Watch carefully while I make my pre-nup disappear. | 1.2216 | 0.03620 | 176 | 142 | 29 | 5 |
2524 | Shredracadebra! | 1.2216 | 0.03836 | 167 | 136 | 25 | 6 |
2525 | And just like that, you owe thousands in back taxes! | 1.2216 | 0.03836 | 167 | 136 | 25 | 6 |
2526 | And again in 2020 the winner is... ! | 1.2215 | 0.04078 | 158 | 130 | 21 | 7 |
2527 | Tell the rabbit's agent, 'no deal!'" -Jim McRae, Montreal, Q | 1.2215 | 0.03978 | 158 | 129 | 23 | 6 |
2528 | Magician unaware of Manufacturer's Warning: This is an Oval office limited edition model. Documents are made whole after appearing to be shredded. | 1.2215 | 0.04243 | 149 | 123 | 19 | 7 |
2529 | And for my next trick I'll make tax returns disappear. | 1.2215 | 0.03909 | 149 | 120 | 25 | 4 |
2530 | And now, for my final trick, I will make the divorce papers disappear! | 1.2211 | 0.03529 | 190 | 154 | 30 | 6 |
2531 | The shredder is quicker than the eye. Watch this tax lien disappear. | 1.2210 | 0.03554 | 181 | 146 | 30 | 5 |
2532 | I will now make our marriage license magically disappear. | 1.2210 | 0.03554 | 181 | 146 | 30 | 5 |
2533 | A wave of the wand and, PRESTO!, the subpoena disappears. | 1.2209 | 0.03850 | 172 | 141 | 24 | 7 |
2534 | - Don't you worry honey, this trick will make your student debt disappear into thin air! | 1.2209 | 0.03850 | 172 | 141 | 24 | 7 |
2535 | Now for my next trick, watch my tax records disappear. Ala kazam!! | 1.2209 | 0.03695 | 163 | 131 | 28 | 4 |
2536 | And when I am done, ladies and gentleman, it will be confetti! | 1.2209 | 0.03894 | 163 | 133 | 24 | 6 |
2537 | Behold! 'Auditing' in progress." | 1.2209 | 0.03796 | 163 | 132 | 26 | 5 |
2538 | And the outcome of the 2020 presidential election, via The Trump Channel, is... | 1.2209 | 0.04354 | 163 | 138 | 14 | 11 |
2539 | Don't shred a tear for me. | 1.2209 | 0.03796 | 163 | 132 | 26 | 5 |
2540 | 1, 2, 3, IRS DISAPPEAR | 1.2208 | 0.03826 | 154 | 124 | 26 | 4 |
2541 | Simply reverse the polarity of the shredder’s plug and Abracadabra! Your message returns... | 1.2208 | 0.03597 | 154 | 122 | 30 | 2 |
2542 | Mr. Georgie Porgie of puddin’ and pie fame: “Abracadabra...begone my list of girls I kissed and made to cry.” | 1.2208 | 0.03936 | 154 | 125 | 24 | 5 |
2543 | I am going to make Trump's tax returns disappear | 1.2208 | 0.03936 | 154 | 125 | 24 | 5 |
2544 | With this trick, we dissolve our marriage paperwork! Presto! Instant divorce. | 1.2207 | 0.03723 | 145 | 115 | 28 | 2 |
2545 | And with the wave of my wand, watch the incriminating evidence DISAPPEAR. | 1.2204 | 0.03574 | 186 | 151 | 29 | 6 |
2546 | Concentrate on the shredder and this piece of paper - out will pop a big beautiful wall. | 1.2204 | 0.03733 | 186 | 153 | 25 | 8 |
2547 | If Al Capone can make his taxes disappear, why can't I? | 1.2203 | 0.03602 | 177 | 143 | 29 | 5 |
2548 | Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past | 1.2203 | 0.03776 | 177 | 145 | 25 | 7 |
2549 | I will now shred the instructions for how to do this trick. Uh-oh. | 1.2202 | 0.03908 | 168 | 138 | 23 | 7 |
2550 | I shall now make a piece of useless technology disappear. | 1.2202 | 0.03816 | 168 | 137 | 25 | 6 |
2551 | And now, the Magic Words: Abra-CaBanksy, Wanksy No Thanksy! | 1.2202 | 0.04086 | 168 | 140 | 19 | 9 |
2552 | ...and POOF! Your debt is gone! | 1.2202 | 0.03624 | 168 | 135 | 29 | 4 |
2553 | This was a great trick for me until Banksy hid the shredder in a picture frame. | 1.2201 | 0.04054 | 159 | 131 | 21 | 7 |
2554 | So much for your me-too allegations! | 1.2201 | 0.03641 | 159 | 127 | 29 | 3 |
2555 | In goes a Gillum ballot and abracadabra, out comes another DeSantis winner | 1.2201 | 0.03853 | 159 | 129 | 25 | 5 |
2556 | Let's pray to Banksy that I can get $1.37 million for this after it is shredded | 1.2201 | 0.03955 | 159 | 130 | 23 | 6 |
2557 | For my next escape trick, my assistant here will destroy the instructions for opening the air-tight shipping container. | 1.2199 | 0.03666 | 191 | 157 | 26 | 8 |
2558 | I will never reveal the secrets of my magic! Seriously, I won’t. | 1.2198 | 0.03450 | 182 | 146 | 32 | 4 |
2559 | After defeating You-Know-Who Harry Potter's career quickly went downhill. | 1.2198 | 0.03786 | 182 | 150 | 24 | 8 |
2560 | Now watch as I make this restraining order...disappear! | 1.2197 | 0.03650 | 173 | 140 | 28 | 5 |
2561 | Abracadabra, terms and conditions now apply! | 1.2197 | 0.03917 | 173 | 143 | 22 | 8 |
2562 | I am putting the Mueller Report in the fax machine. It will be sent to all the major media outlets and members of congress.” Said Barr the great. | 1.2197 | 0.03830 | 173 | 142 | 24 | 7 |
2563 | And now my next trick... making my divorce papers disappear. | 1.2195 | 0.03873 | 164 | 134 | 24 | 6 |
2564 | For my next trick I will move my right eyeball to the right of my nose. | 1.2195 | 0.04062 | 164 | 136 | 20 | 8 |
2565 | I'm using folks at the CIA to put these back together. | 1.2195 | 0.03775 | 164 | 133 | 26 | 5 |
2566 | Abra-cadabra, your New Years Resolutions will soon be toast. | 1.2195 | 0.03775 | 164 | 133 | 26 | 5 |
2567 | For my next trick, I shall make my credit card bill disappear! | 1.2194 | 0.03692 | 155 | 124 | 28 | 3 |
2568 | And now, as I stop the shredder halfway, this $49 Groupon for Duct Cleaning will become a $10,000 bathroom remodel. | 1.2194 | 0.04018 | 155 | 127 | 22 | 6 |
2569 | Voila! The shredded ballot is whole again! | 1.2192 | 0.03700 | 146 | 116 | 28 | 2 |
2570 | And for this trick, I'll make my legal troubles disappear! | 1.2192 | 0.04065 | 146 | 119 | 22 | 5 |
2571 | I will now transform these translator notes into a Moscow Mule" | 1.2192 | 0.03700 | 146 | 116 | 28 | 2 |
2572 | Your ballet will disappear before your eyes. | 1.2192 | 0.04180 | 146 | 120 | 20 | 6 |
2573 | abra kazam! Mister Rabbit isn't done disappearing until all evidence is destroyed. | 1.2189 | 0.03795 | 169 | 138 | 25 | 6 |
2574 | Ladies and gentlemen, watch as I make our prenup agreement disappear. | 1.2189 | 0.03701 | 169 | 137 | 27 | 5 |
2575 | Abraconfetti | 1.2189 | 0.03977 | 169 | 140 | 21 | 8 |
2576 | The last show of the night. | 1.2189 | 0.03701 | 169 | 137 | 27 | 5 |
2577 | Don't forget to hit "reverse" before we're on stage. | 1.2189 | 0.03887 | 169 | 139 | 23 | 7 |
2578 | And just like that, the tax return disappears! | 1.2188 | 0.03831 | 160 | 130 | 25 | 5 |
2579 | Now for my next trick Mr. President - I'll make your taxes disappear | 1.2188 | 0.03831 | 160 | 130 | 25 | 5 |
2580 | For my last act, I shred my assistant’s contract and make her disappear. | 1.2188 | 0.04128 | 160 | 133 | 19 | 8 |
2581 | I'd like to see Houdini try this one! | 1.2188 | 0.04128 | 160 | 133 | 19 | 8 |
2582 | For my next trick I will save your identity. | 1.2186 | 0.03604 | 183 | 149 | 28 | 6 |
2583 | And now to make Trump’s tax return disappear...ta-da | 1.2186 | 0.03433 | 183 | 147 | 32 | 4 |
2584 | And for my next trick, I am going to make these negative audience reviews disappear. | 1.2185 | 0.03862 | 151 | 122 | 25 | 4 |
2585 | And, voila! This suggestion about not perpetuating stereotypical gender roles has disappeared! | 1.2184 | 0.03722 | 174 | 142 | 26 | 6 |
2586 | Prenuptous agreementus, be-gone-us! | 1.2184 | 0.03722 | 174 | 142 | 26 | 6 |
2587 | And just like that, your application for my assistant position disappears! | 1.2184 | 0.03444 | 174 | 139 | 32 | 3 |
2588 | I learned from Enron. Start with magic tricks and then expeditiously shred. | 1.2184 | 0.03896 | 174 | 144 | 22 | 8 |
2589 | To save the act, I’m shredding your contract, making you magically disappear, and then replacing you with a drag queen. | 1.2182 | 0.03755 | 165 | 134 | 26 | 5 |
2590 | Here in New York, another Republican ballot. | 1.2182 | 0.03655 | 165 | 133 | 28 | 4 |
2591 | Abracadabra...... Facts from the fax | 1.2182 | 0.03852 | 165 | 135 | 24 | 6 |
2592 | Abra-memoranda! I've made Parliamentary procedure disappear. | 1.2182 | 0.03655 | 165 | 133 | 28 | 4 |
2593 | Damn I 'd much rather be cutting HER in half. | 1.2179 | 0.03902 | 179 | 149 | 21 | 9 |
2594 | And now we make all evidence of Russia interference in the 2016 elections disappear | 1.2179 | 0.03737 | 179 | 147 | 25 | 7 |
2595 | Now I'll say the magic words: "Abra-Ca-Bansky" | 1.2179 | 0.03385 | 179 | 143 | 33 | 3 |
2596 | I knew I should have been better prepared when Mueller Called | 1.2179 | 0.03565 | 179 | 145 | 29 | 5 |
2597 | Now, before your very eyes. Watch a paternity test...disappear! | 1.2176 | 0.03955 | 170 | 141 | 21 | 8 |
2598 | Presto, chango. My Trump ballot is automatically shredded | 1.2176 | 0.03775 | 170 | 139 | 25 | 6 |
2599 | Presto Change-O, from pre-nup agreement to post-nup agreement" | 1.2176 | 0.03682 | 170 | 138 | 27 | 5 |
2600 | Betsy, I know you think this trick is stupid, but act surprised! Marie Kondo would! | 1.2174 | 0.03810 | 161 | 131 | 25 | 5 |
2601 | Marsha and Fred audition for a consulting gig at the Annual RNC Strategy Job Fair. | 1.2174 | 0.03748 | 184 | 152 | 24 | 8 |
2602 | And now I will magically delete an email. | 1.2174 | 0.03668 | 184 | 151 | 26 | 7 |
2603 | And for my final trick, I will make my taxes...disappear. | 1.2174 | 0.04008 | 161 | 133 | 21 | 7 |
2604 | Presto! The cable bill has disappeared. And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Netflix's prices will levitate. | 1.2174 | 0.03502 | 184 | 149 | 30 | 5 |
2605 | To my wife’s attorney ——- Watch, as I make this subpoena disappear before your very eyes. | 1.2172 | 0.03496 | 198 | 162 | 29 | 7 |
2606 | And it looks like The Electoral collage is about to cast its last vote | 1.2171 | 0.03960 | 175 | 146 | 20 | 9 |
2607 | Can't take the kids if the papers are destroyed, Sharon! | 1.2171 | 0.03876 | 175 | 145 | 22 | 8 |
2608 | Ladies and gents, my administrative assistant! | 1.2171 | 0.03613 | 175 | 142 | 28 | 5 |
2609 | Now watch as I make this harassment claim disappear. | 1.2171 | 0.03876 | 175 | 145 | 22 | 8 |
2610 | And you thought your accountant worked magic! | 1.2171 | 0.03613 | 175 | 142 | 28 | 5 |
2611 | 'And for my next trick, my assistant, Hillary, and I will shred the election results" | 1.2171 | 0.03790 | 175 | 144 | 24 | 7 |
2612 | And that’s my rejection letter from MIT. Poof! | 1.2171 | 0.04060 | 152 | 125 | 21 | 6 |
2613 | The Trump Organization's Records Department: "The real magic trick will be avoiding jail time." | 1.2171 | 0.04166 | 152 | 126 | 19 | 7 |
2614 | Trumps interpreters notes from Hamburg . Now you see them, now you don’t. | 1.2171 | 0.03951 | 152 | 124 | 23 | 5 |
2615 | Banksy's Magician Brother | 1.2171 | 0.04166 | 152 | 126 | 19 | 7 |
2616 | For my next trick, I will make our loans.. disappear! | 1.2171 | 0.03482 | 152 | 120 | 31 | 1 |
2617 | And now, for my final act, I will transform this half shredded rejection letter into a half shredded original Banksy. | 1.2171 | 0.04060 | 152 | 125 | 21 | 6 |
2618 | What I shred here will turn into a Banksy mural elsewhere. | 1.2169 | 0.03925 | 166 | 137 | 22 | 7 |
2619 | That’s the last of the Constitution. And now, I will make it the President’s fault. | 1.2169 | 0.03734 | 166 | 135 | 26 | 5 |
2620 | In this trick, I will evade my taxes. | 1.2169 | 0.03635 | 166 | 134 | 28 | 4 |
2621 | Ta-daa! The W-2 is..... gone! | 1.2169 | 0.03533 | 166 | 133 | 30 | 3 |
2622 | Et voila! The president's tax return has magically disappeared. | 1.2166 | 0.03972 | 157 | 129 | 22 | 6 |
2623 | And just like that, all of the Amazing Lenardo’s Student loans bills vanished! | 1.2166 | 0.03972 | 157 | 129 | 22 | 6 |
2624 | ...for my next magical trick, watch closely...all notes and documents will be shredded and never seen again. | 1.2166 | 0.03650 | 157 | 126 | 28 | 3 |
2625 | Your ex's demands, expectations and criticisms, gone forever. | 1.2166 | 0.03868 | 157 | 128 | 24 | 5 |
2626 | Damned PETA, the rabbit/shredder could have been a classic. | 1.2166 | 0.04172 | 157 | 131 | 18 | 8 |
2627 | And while my lovely assistant holds the shredder, I will insert the transcripts of my conversation with President Putin and say the magic words..."No Collusion!" | 1.2164 | 0.04105 | 171 | 144 | 17 | 10 |
2628 | With the wave of my wand I shall make all my legal troubles disappear! | 1.2164 | 0.03934 | 171 | 142 | 21 | 8 |
2629 | . . . . . and this is how it looked before I shred it. | 1.2164 | 0.03662 | 171 | 139 | 27 | 5 |
2630 | I wish that we could afford a shredder rather that this toaster. | 1.2164 | 0.04105 | 171 | 144 | 17 | 10 |
2631 | I wave my magic wand, and the shredder casts ballots, early and often, for the right candidates. | 1.2164 | 0.03755 | 171 | 140 | 25 | 6 |
2632 | You must admit it’s a fantastic trick as long as long you ignore the shredder | 1.2162 | 0.03400 | 185 | 149 | 32 | 4 |
2633 | Now I’m going to demonstrate how I make my credit card bill disappear... | 1.2162 | 0.04016 | 148 | 121 | 22 | 5 |
2634 | For the first time ever,I will assemble a rabbit from the shreds. | 1.2162 | 0.04016 | 148 | 121 | 22 | 5 |
2635 | Judy, we call our cure to a delusional, Twittering world, 'hypnosis by fax'. | 1.2159 | 0.03595 | 176 | 143 | 28 | 5 |
2636 | I'm starting to question this whole New Year's shred plan. | 1.2159 | 0.04021 | 176 | 148 | 18 | 10 |
2637 | Voila! It's done. I know being a diplomatic translator pays better, but we have to disappear now. You'll feel better in Vegas. | 1.2157 | 0.04036 | 153 | 126 | 21 | 6 |
2638 | Contest #647 | January 21, 2019 Please relax. They enjoy the tax form trick more if it goes wrong anyway. | 1.2156 | 0.03810 | 167 | 137 | 24 | 6 |
2639 | And now for my next trick: I will make our president's tax return disappear | 1.2156 | 0.03810 | 167 | 137 | 24 | 6 |
2640 | It's not magic, my paycheck vanished due to the government shutdown. | 1.2156 | 0.03995 | 167 | 139 | 20 | 8 |
2641 | What tax returns? | 1.2156 | 0.03616 | 167 | 135 | 28 | 4 |
2642 | You, too, can be a magician. Call 1-800-shrdsht.” | 1.2156 | 0.03903 | 167 | 138 | 22 | 7 |
2643 | Hurry, the price is rising as I shred! Do I hear 55,000? | 1.2156 | 0.03714 | 167 | 136 | 26 | 5 |
2644 | With my wife's help, I'll just slip this little pre-nup right in here and give it the old abrakadabra. | 1.2156 | 0.03903 | 167 | 138 | 22 | 7 |
2645 | When you forget the cloak, Darlene, our careers become the illusion. | 1.2156 | 0.03903 | 167 | 138 | 22 | 7 |
2646 | Now watch, as my student loans vanish! | 1.2156 | 0.03714 | 167 | 136 | 26 | 5 |
2647 | Abra cadabra...November 8, 2016 went the other way. | 1.2156 | 0.03903 | 167 | 138 | 22 | 7 |
2648 | Now you see it. In a moment you won’t. | 1.2155 | 0.03442 | 181 | 146 | 31 | 4 |
2649 | It's magic, my dear, as if your notes never existed...and no one can ever prove otherwise. | 1.2153 | 0.03962 | 144 | 117 | 23 | 4 |
2650 | And PRESTO! Haha see? What lawsuit? | 1.2153 | 0.04425 | 144 | 121 | 15 | 8 |
2651 | And now, we'll magically reassemble this ballot. | 1.2153 | 0.04083 | 144 | 118 | 21 | 5 |
2652 | And now, ladies and gentlemen... to our final trick, "reverse shredding" | 1.2152 | 0.03949 | 158 | 130 | 22 | 6 |
2653 | ...and then 16 identical pieces of paper!! | 1.2151 | 0.03999 | 172 | 144 | 19 | 9 |
2654 | I insert the pre-nup thusly, Unfaithful Assistant... | 1.2151 | 0.03825 | 172 | 142 | 23 | 7 |
2655 | I call this my survival trick, making my 1099s disappear. | 1.2151 |