Contest #644


Cartoon

644

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “If we time it right, I can get you in this house today.”
  2. “It's pricier than the clown's mouth, but you save on energy costs.”
  3. “Here we just call it golf.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-12-31T00:30:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2019-01-14T00:31:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2019-01-08T00:30:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued January 14, 2019
Number of captions 5708
Number of responses 1629394
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 My next selection sounds just like the last one. 1.6000 0.04554 300 177 66 57
1 This next song is pretty much the same as the last one. 1.5556 0.04526 279 169 65 45
2 You may have heard your children play this next piece. 1.5338 0.04222 296 179 76 41
3 And now, my musical interpretation of the Trump presidency... 1.5254 0.04525 295 192 51 52
4 Anyone else forget to turn off their cellphone? 1.5138 0.04151 290 177 77 36
5 I could have been a conductor. 1.5069 0.04260 288 181 68 39
6 My next piece may sound a little bit like the last one. 1.5015 0.04009 325 206 75 44
7 This next piece is dedicated to my ex-wife. 1.4983 0.04018 303 188 79 36
8 They say dress for the job you want; not the job you have. 1.4966 0.04073 292 181 77 34
9 That's right. I'm just that good. 1.4942 0.04551 257 166 55 36
10 You may have heard this little number before...if you have a cat and a piano. 1.4919 0.04039 309 196 74 39
11 And now, I've got an old score to settle. 1.4897 0.04102 292 184 73 35
12 This next piece was written by my cat. 1.4846 0.04313 293 194 56 43
13 Hit it! 1.4812 0.03794 293 177 91 25
14 And now Gershwin’s lesser-known ‘Rhapsody in Black and Blue’ 1.4810 0.04103 289 184 71 34
15 After a few drinks we agreed to swap jobs for the evening. I guarantee the pianist is NOT having fun. 1.4787 0.04356 282 187 55 40
16 And now the famous sonata for piano and concussion. 1.4779 0.04261 249 155 69 25
17 I just play the hits. 1.4757 0.04054 288 183 73 32
18 This next one’s dedicated to my ex-wife. 1.4740 0.04073 289 185 71 33
19 I will now play Trump's étude in diplomacy 1.4731 0.04669 260 178 41 41
20 I'll conclude with Gershwin's Rhapsody in Black and Blue. 1.4727 0.03912 311 199 77 35
21 I coulda been a contata. 1.4719 0.04287 267 173 62 32
22 I’m just going to hit a few notes. 1.4704 0.04316 270 177 59 34
23 I always hate this part of the dream. 1.4695 0.04149 279 180 67 32
24 I will now play Sonata for Trump’s First Two Years. 1.4678 0.04261 295 199 54 42
25 I would like to dedicate this to my ex-wife. 1.4664 0.04339 268 177 57 34
26 My final encore is for the gentleman asleep in Row 3. 1.4653 0.04081 288 187 68 33
27 I'm gonna need a page turner. 1.4650 0.03981 286 182 75 29
28 You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a conductor. 1.4644 0.04049 267 168 74 25
29 Alexa, play literally anything. 1.4640 0.04281 278 185 57 36
30 Ok, that's it! Who forgot to silence their cell phone? 1.4633 0.03864 313 202 77 34
31 Every night it's the same dream. I'm onstage, seated at a piano wearing box gloves, and no pants. 1.4625 0.03892 307 198 76 33
32 Would the guy who booed please stand up? 1.4615 0.03948 286 182 76 28
33 Oh, you said "Bach's" 1.4605 0.04135 304 205 58 41
34 To make it even more interesting my Assistant will now blindfold me. 1.4595 0.03900 309 201 74 34
35 Cough one more time, I dare you. 1.4591 0.04338 257 169 58 30
36 Now a tribute to our current President 1.4591 0.04275 281 189 55 37
37 No, that was Für Elise. Now try to name this tune... 1.4588 0.04114 279 182 66 31
38 You may laugh, but the last time I had the lid drop on my hands I couldn’t play for a month. 1.4570 0.04018 291 190 69 32
39 After a month of Christmas songs, I'd like to play one for Boxing Day! 1.4564 0.04005 298 196 68 34
40 Someone stole my tip jar last night. That’ll never happen again. 1.4556 0.04148 270 176 65 29
41 Ladies and Gentlemen,.. Rhapsody in Black and Blue. 1.4545 0.04014 297 196 67 34
42 For my next selection, Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Black and Blue" 1.4535 0.04192 269 177 62 30
43 When we change to C sharp major, the gloves come off. 1.4530 0.04031 298 198 65 35
44 Sorry for the gloves, but some of the notes are sharp. 1.4528 0.03889 307 201 73 33
45 The conductor and I have worked out our artistic differences. 1.4525 0.03709 305 193 86 26
46 Please join me in the Julliard School fight song 1.4522 0.03904 314 208 70 36
47 I wasn't joking about the cell phones 1.4496 0.03993 278 180 71 27
48 And now here's something for those of you who slept through the Mozart. 1.4493 0.04079 276 181 66 29
49 If you think this looks difficult, wait till you see me play the harp. 1.4484 0.03913 310 206 69 35
50 Now, “Rhapsody in Black and Blue.” 1.4472 0.03899 284 183 75 26
51 And now, here’s one that pretty much anybody can play. 1.4467 0.03981 300 200 66 34
52 We'll have a brief intermission while I make a pretty big career decision. 1.4460 0.04120 278 185 62 31
53 I find the piece goes quickly if I can hit a bunch of notes at the same time. 1.4440 0.04349 250 167 55 28
54 I'm going to need someone to turn the pages for me. 1.4437 0.03932 302 201 68 33
55 I play the anthem the way he runs the country 1.4436 0.04400 275 192 44 39
56 Please hold your applause until the final bell 1.4422 0.03780 303 197 78 28
57 Please turn on your cell phones. 1.4409 0.04075 279 186 63 30
58 And now, because you're drunk and not listening anyway... 1.4392 0.04045 296 201 60 35
59 Handel with care 1.4387 0.04118 269 179 62 28
60 It hasn't been a smooth career transition 1.4369 0.03780 309 204 75 30
61 My cat composed this next one. 1.4366 0.04142 284 194 56 34
62 Sir, would you mind not ringing that bell before every movement? 1.4366 0.03894 284 186 72 26
63 Finally, Ravel's Bolero is going to get what it deserves. 1.4361 0.04285 266 182 52 32
64 No need to turn off your cell phones. 1.4345 0.03957 290 194 66 30
65 Sit back and relax - tonight it's nothing but the hits! 1.4345 0.03835 290 190 74 26
66 What it lacks in subtlety it gains in punch. 1.4341 0.03910 258 165 74 19
67 For my encore, Rhapsody in Black and Blue. 1.4338 0.04037 302 208 57 37
68 I dedicate this song to my father and mother who had different plans for me. 1.4336 0.03935 286 190 68 28
69 I've suffered for my art. Now it's your turn. 1.4333 0.03946 300 203 64 33
70 And this next piece is for my ex-wife. 1.4332 0.04060 277 186 62 29
71 And now, a request from the drunks at table three. 1.4321 0.03963 280 186 67 27
72 This next piece is forte. Very, very forte. 1.4316 0.03849 285 187 73 25
73 And consider that a warning. Anyone else wanna answer their phone? 1.4315 0.04054 292 200 58 34
74 I call it Requiem for a Heavyweight 1.4313 0.03715 313 207 77 29
75 If I hear one more cell phone ringing, the gloves come off! 1.4306 0.04048 281 190 61 30
76 I trust the jurors will consider degree of difficulty. 1.4306 0.03984 281 188 65 28
77 I'll be delighted to meet with the critics after the show. 1.4305 0.03604 302 194 86 22
78 Any other stupid requests? 1.4301 0.04079 272 183 61 28
79 And now a piece by Sugar Ray Leonard Bernstein. 1.4301 0.03940 279 185 68 26
80 I’m just gonna knock out a few tunes for you. 1.4296 0.03974 291 197 63 31
81 Can I get a page turner in here?? 1.4276 0.04025 283 192 61 30
82 I started out tickling the ivories ... now I like to beat the crap out of them! 1.4263 0.03803 312 211 69 32
83 You think this was bad? You should hear me play the violin. 1.4262 0.03961 298 204 61 33
84 I shall say this only once. Cell phones off! 1.4249 0.04098 273 186 58 29
85 This next piece was written as a round...actually ten rounds. 1.4245 0.04139 278 192 54 32
86 Beethoven’s going down in the 5th 1.4244 0.03837 311 212 66 33
87 This is dedicated to the critics who thought my last performance lacked finesse. 1.4244 0.03728 311 208 74 29
88 I was told to be careful - some of the keys are sharp. 1.4242 0.04096 264 178 60 26
89 You want to step up on the stage and say that, sir? 1.4228 0.03902 298 203 64 31
90 I'm not so much tickling the ivory as I am pounding them into submission. 1.4226 0.03650 310 205 79 26
91 This is Mozart's Concerto in G minor, A major, D minor and C#. 1.4217 0.03897 313 217 60 36
92 These stay on until the tip jar is full. 1.4216 0.03759 287 189 75 23
93 This one's going out to my ex-wife and her attorney. 1.4216 0.03798 306 207 69 30
94 And now a piece by Punchini. 1.4201 0.03907 288 195 65 28
95 Now, for the grand finale—my blindfold, please. 1.4199 0.03771 312 212 69 31
96 I was told to expect a tough crowd. 1.4190 0.03752 284 187 75 22
97 I guarantee: Beethoven is going down in the 5th. 1.4188 0.03985 277 188 62 27
98 I composed my next piece after my divorce. 1.4184 0.04440 239 166 46 27
99 What? It’s FLIGHT of the Bumblebee? 1.4176 0.04126 273 189 54 30
100 I coulda been a conductor. 1.4169 0.03837 295 200 67 28
101 Maim that tune. 1.4164 0.04005 293 204 56 33
102 Now for my take on Gershwin, “Rhapsody in Black and Blue”. 1.4164 0.03942 281 191 63 27
103 Would the gentleman in the balcony care to repeat that remark? 1.4164 0.03942 281 191 63 27
104 And now Rhapsody in Black and Blue. 1.4153 0.03563 313 207 82 24
105 The next piece is a new work titled "A day at the White House". 1.4152 0.04048 277 191 57 29
106 This next piece features dense chords, unusual harmonies, and a pounding rhythm. 1.4150 0.03793 306 209 67 30
107 I will now play a piece inspired by my visit to the White House 1.4150 0.04364 253 178 45 30
108 For my next piece, the gloves are coming off. 1.4146 0.03850 287 194 67 26
109 Is there nothing atonal enough that you snobs wouldn't pretend to like? 1.4137 0.04004 278 191 59 28
110 Could you turn the page, please? 1.4136 0.03805 295 200 68 27
111 One of my greatest hits... 1.4118 0.03734 306 208 70 28
112 I will now perform Bach's little-know Golden Gloves Variations. 1.4113 0.04075 265 182 57 26
113 Go on, request Piano Man man again. I dare you. 1.4111 0.03910 287 197 62 28
114 And now, Mozart's Requiem for a Heavyweight. 1.4111 0.03941 287 198 60 29
115 I call this next number, ‘Rhapsody in Black and Blue’. 1.4111 0.04253 270 192 45 33
116 It's Shostakovich. You won't notice the difference. 1.4103 0.03941 290 201 59 30
117 No, Franz is my elder brother...I'm Pugi Liszt. 1.4100 0.04225 261 183 49 29
118 Tonight, only hits. 1.4091 0.03628 308 207 76 25
119 This next little number will knock you out. 1.4086 0.04091 257 176 57 24
120 Who requested a fight song? 1.4081 0.03858 272 183 67 22
121 This piece is called 'Flight of the Elephant.' 1.4078 0.04083 282 199 51 32
122 You mean it isn't "'Fight'" of the Bumblebee?" 1.4071 0.03913 280 192 62 26
123 Requiem for a Heavyweight 1.4070 0.03926 285 197 60 28
124 After all those Christmas carols, this one is for Boxing Day 1.4067 0.03813 300 207 64 29
125 Just wait until after intermission; that’s when the gloves come off! 1.4065 0.03609 310 209 76 25
126 I’ll be playing this in pugilissimo. 1.4060 0.04024 266 183 58 25
127 Anyone can play blindfolded. 1.4057 0.03934 281 194 60 27
128 Here’s the tricky part. 1.4051 0.03513 311 207 82 22
129 I plan to take Beethoven in the Ninth. 1.4050 0.03921 279 192 61 26
130 The ski boots are making it difficult to work the pedals. 1.4049 0.03966 284 198 57 29
131 It'll be three rounds of Bach and then the gloves come off. 1.4048 0.03776 294 201 67 26
132 Tonight I'll be playing Chopin's Nocturne in C#, D, D#, E, and F Minor. 1.4046 0.03971 304 217 51 36
133 For this next fugue I am going to take the gloves off. 1.4043 0.03954 282 196 58 28
134 It was at that moment,Ted realized he had put his boxing gloves on instead of his tuxedo pants. Again. 1.4042 0.03935 287 200 58 29
135 And now for a little Rockymaninoff. 1.4042 0.03809 287 196 66 25
136 You don't understand. I could've played a cadenza. I could've been somebody! 1.4041 0.03916 292 204 58 30
137 And now, a Chopin nocturne in C, D, E, F and very probably G. 1.4038 0.03796 317 223 60 34
138 This next one goes out to all my critics 1.4035 0.03795 285 194 67 24
139 I will only be playing my hits. 1.4034 0.03916 295 207 57 31
140 This one goes out to my ex wife. 1.4030 0.04000 268 185 58 25
141 This next piece is titled "Ode To My Parents Who Could Not Agree On After School Activities" 1.4029 0.03896 278 191 62 25
142 And now a little piece I wrote watching the news. 1.4028 0.04006 283 199 54 30
143 And now, The Ill-Tempered Clavier. 1.4028 0.03955 288 202 56 30
144 Bach off. 1.4027 0.03875 293 204 60 29
145 Could somebody scratch my nose? 1.4020 0.03681 301 205 71 25
146 I'm sorry. All I know are fight songs. 1.4015 0.03832 274 186 66 22
147 The next selection is my own composition,'Rhapsody in Black and Blue'. 1.4013 0.03655 304 207 72 25
148 I am now going to play a piano interpretation of Donald Trump’s presidency. 1.4007 0.04169 282 204 43 35
149 And now the theme from Rocky, as it was meant to be played. 1.4007 0.03932 287 201 57 29
150 I tend to fight Bach. 1.4000 0.03746 290 198 68 24
151 Yeah. I’m that good. 1.3993 0.03795 298 207 63 28
152 Next, Gershwin's Rhapsody in Black and Blue 1.3993 0.03735 298 205 67 26
153 Anyone can play with his bare hands. 1.3993 0.03744 283 192 69 22
154 This last piece is from my boxed set. 1.3993 0.03893 278 192 61 25
155 The next piece is entitled, "The Trump White House." 1.3993 0.04056 278 197 51 30
156 And now, the hits. 1.3992 0.04304 248 176 45 27
157 Any other hecklers out there? I thought not. 1.3986 0.03660 296 201 72 23
158 Next critic? 1.3986 0.03722 296 203 68 25
159 Tonight I'll be performing some of my greatest hits. 1.3986 0.04012 276 194 54 28
160 This next piece is for the critic who called me a 'lightweight.' 1.3981 0.03492 309 207 81 21
161 This tune is dedicated to the President 1.3980 0.03770 294 203 65 26
162 And now, time to knock out a few classics. 1.3980 0.03831 294 205 61 28
163 I dedicate this piece to the Times critic in the second row. 1.3972 0.03738 287 196 68 23
164 It’s not like you can hear me over your phones anyhow. 1.3969 0.04202 262 187 46 29
165 The inspiration for my next piece comes from being bullied on my way to piano lessons. 1.3965 0.03656 285 192 73 20
166 You'll find this next piece has a little extra punch. 1.3961 0.04064 255 177 55 23
167 And now, the 1812 Overture as it was meant to be played. 1.3953 0.03992 258 178 58 22
168 I'm done tickling them. 1.3953 0.03719 296 204 67 25
169 I coulda been a cadenza." 1.3952 0.04262 248 176 46 26
170 I will now perform "Dance of the Sugar Ray Plum Fairy". 1.3951 0.03746 286 196 67 23
171 I like to play this one Pugilisimo 1.3944 0.03829 284 197 62 25
172 This next piece is called A Presidential Press Conference. 1.3938 0.03846 292 205 59 28
173 Let's see how many of youse remember dis one… 1.3937 0.03614 315 218 70 27
174 Let's have a clean fugue, and no hitting below middle C. 1.3932 0.03817 295 207 60 28
175 I thought you said FIGHT of the bumblebee. 1.3930 0.04039 257 179 55 23
176 And now for a piece my two year old son wrote 1.3929 0.03833 280 194 62 24
177 I coulda been a composer 1.3929 0.03672 308 214 67 27
178 And now, my rendition of the crap these kids are listening to nowadays. 1.3929 0.03932 280 197 56 27
179 This next tune may ring a bell. 1.3926 0.03698 298 206 67 25
180 This next tune was written by Mike Tyson, who, I'm told, plays by ear. 1.3923 0.03481 339 235 75 29
181 And for my next piece, "Requiem for a Heavyweight." 1.3922 0.03629 306 211 70 25
182 I was misled about how duelling pianos worked. 1.3921 0.03818 278 192 63 23
183 This next piece is dedicated to those critics who say I lacked a deft touch and attacked the piano with a pugilistic style. 1.3919 0.04071 273 195 49 29
184 Good evening and welcome to our first Mixed Musical Arts competition. 1.3918 0.03846 268 184 63 21
185 Tonight, I've a score to settle with the piano. 1.3914 0.03705 304 212 65 27
186 And now... a medley of big hits. 1.3913 0.04038 276 197 50 29
187 For my final piece, I'd like to play for you Mozart's 'Requiem for a Heavyweight.' 1.3913 0.03838 299 212 57 30
188 The critic from the Times will not be joining us this evening. 1.3911 0.04092 271 194 48 29
189 And now, my latest composition:”Requiem For a Heavyweight.” 1.3910 0.03748 312 221 60 31
190 I will now play for you Mozart's little-known "Requiem for a Heavyweight." 1.3910 0.03903 289 205 55 29
191 Give me a minute while I break in this new piano. 1.3906 0.03643 297 204 70 23
192 Could I have a volunteer from the audience to come scratch my nose? 1.3904 0.03750 292 203 64 25
193 And now, my tribute to Philip Glass. 1.3902 0.03891 287 203 56 28
194 I call it "Fur Ali." 1.3897 0.03704 290 200 67 23
195 I call it pugilissimo. 1.3897 0.03704 290 200 67 23
196 And now, Mozart's "A Little Fight Music" 1.3893 0.03726 298 208 64 26
197 I will now perform 'Rhapsody in Black & Blue' 1.3892 0.03574 316 219 71 26
198 What would you have done if your teacher kept hitting your fingers? 1.3891 0.03740 293 204 64 25
199 And now something for the critics 1.3887 0.03787 301 213 59 29
200 This next piece is called Sonata in C, D, E, F, G, and B Flat Minor. 1.3887 0.04229 247 176 46 25
201 Sorry sir, but "My Way" means my way. 1.3883 0.03725 291 202 65 24
202 And now, Beethoven in the 5th. 1.3883 0.03757 291 203 63 25
203 I'd like to knock out a few tunes for you 1.3878 0.03852 294 209 56 29
204 My father wanted me to box and my mother wanted me to play the piano. I call this piece The Regrettable Compromise. 1.3876 0.03704 307 216 63 28
205 And now the Minuet in C, C sharp, D, D sharp, E, F, F sharp 1.3875 0.03900 289 206 54 29
206 Tonight I’d like to play a medley of my hits. 1.3869 0.03921 274 193 56 25
207 Alex Ross wrote last week that I played as if wearing boxing gloves. This next piece is for Alex. 1.3868 0.03471 318 218 77 23
208 Can ANYONE name that tune ?? Anyone ?? Anyone ?? 1.3864 0.03751 308 219 59 30
209 I give you Rockymaninoff. 1.3862 0.03858 290 206 56 28
210 Before I begin I want to thank my piano teacher, Mike Tyson. 1.3861 0.03895 259 179 60 20
211 Can somebody adjust my tie? 1.3859 0.04140 241 169 51 21
212 There are no white notes; there are no black notes; there are just... notes. 1.3852 0.03819 270 187 62 21
213 It’s an experimental piece. 1.3852 0.03819 270 187 62 21
214 I was told my tunes weren't punchy enough. 1.3849 0.03889 252 173 61 18
215 "Do I hear a request for Rhapsody in Black and Blue?" 1.3849 0.03727 304 215 61 28
216 For this next one I'll need a volunteer. 1.3846 0.03742 299 211 61 27
217 And next, a piece written by President Trump. 1.3846 0.04142 260 187 46 27
218 And the hits just keep coming. 1.3846 0.03712 299 210 63 26
219 Oh, THAT kind of dueling pianos. 1.3841 0.03707 289 201 65 23
220 And now. Gershwin as you've never heard him. 1.3838 0.03843 271 189 60 22
221 Now I'd like to knock out a few requests. 1.3837 0.04017 258 182 53 23
222 This next piece is a knockout. 1.3835 0.03745 266 182 66 18
223 We've had a request for "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." 1.3833 0.03789 287 202 60 25
224 Tonight, I will finally give this piano what it has deserved for years. 1.3832 0.03951 274 195 53 26
225 The ivories have announced they no longer want to be tickled. 1.3831 0.03662 308 217 64 27
226 If you don't like my playing, I suggest you keep your mouth shut. 1.3831 0.03589 295 203 71 21
227 I float like a butterfly and sting like a B-sharp. 1.3822 0.04005 259 183 53 23
228 And now, a Victor Borge etude from his deconstructive period. 1.3821 0.03686 280 193 67 20
229 We're recording this one as a boxed set. 1.3817 0.03415 317 217 79 21
230 I dedicate this last tune to the guy snoring in row one 1.3816 0.03724 304 216 60 28
231 And for my next piece, I will need a new piano. 1.3815 0.03815 270 188 61 21
232 I'm done tickling the ivories. 1.3813 0.03616 299 208 68 23
233 I call this number “Rhapsody in Black and Blue” 1.3811 0.03675 265 180 69 16
234 Oh, sure, when Glenn Gould does it it's 'eccentric,' but when I do it you say 'Larry has dementia pugilistica.' 1.3806 0.04047 268 193 48 27
235 And as promised, my finale is a real knockout. 1.3801 0.03545 292 200 73 19
236 Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my first ever Pay-Per-View event... 1.3798 0.03720 287 201 63 23
237 And now, as promised, a knockout performance 1.3797 0.03680 295 207 64 24
238 Howard had gravely misunderstood what the club manager meant by "dueling pianos." 1.3796 0.04047 274 199 46 29
239 I like to think that I legato like a butterfly and staccato like bee. 1.3794 0.03930 282 203 51 28
240 And now, the Gold’s Gym Variations 1.3788 0.03791 293 209 57 27
241 This song is dedicated to my mother-in-law.... 1.3787 0.03646 272 186 69 17
242 And now, 'Requiem for a Heavyweight.' 1.3781 0.04013 283 207 45 31
243 ...and now Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor. And also in A Major, B Minor, D Minor, E Minor, F Major and G Major. Just because I can. 1.3780 0.03809 291 208 56 27
244 Subtlety and nuance are so overrated. 1.3780 0.03899 254 177 58 19
245 And now, an ode to my ex-wife. 1.3777 0.03836 278 197 57 24
246 You should see the other piano 1.3776 0.03760 286 202 60 24
247 Why yes, it IS a player piano. Why do you ask? 1.3775 0.03648 302 213 64 25
248 We're doing the 1812 .... couldn't afford the cannons 1.3769 0.03793 268 187 61 20
249 And now for the main event. Brahm's Requiem for a Heavyweight. 1.3768 0.03680 276 191 66 19
250 The next piece is scheduled to go four rounds. 1.3768 0.03608 276 189 70 17
251 My next piece will be “Fight of the Bumblebee” 1.3768 0.03821 276 195 58 23
252 I call this one 'Crippling the Ivories'. 1.3766 0.03655 308 219 62 27
253 I will now play The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel, as it's never been played before. 1.3766 0.03537 308 215 70 23
254 I wish to prove wrong the critic who said I played as if I were wearing boxing gloves 1.3766 0.03446 308 212 76 20
255 You wanna come up here and say that? 1.3766 0.03655 308 219 62 27
256 And now, 'Toddlers Pounding on Piano', an original score by my 3-year old twins. 1.3763 0.03617 287 199 68 20
257 I call this next piece "Beethoven's Fist". 1.3762 0.03686 311 223 59 29
258 For my next song I'll play something from the early Trump years, Covfefe, in g-minor. 1.3759 0.03976 274 198 49 27
259 And now, Rossini's earlier and lesser-known work, The Boxer of Seville. 1.3759 0.03734 274 191 63 20
260 I tell ya, I coulda been somebody... I coulda been a conductor! 1.3759 0.03909 274 196 53 25
261 I love pounding the ivories. 1.3759 0.03689 290 204 63 23
262 And now for another piece composed by Donald J Trump 1.3758 0.03861 298 217 50 31
263 I will be performing the cannon solo from Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture transcribed for piano. 1.3755 0.03890 269 191 55 23
264 If you’re looking for treble, you found it. 1.3755 0.03705 277 193 64 20
265 Ladies and gentleman, I will now play for you, "The Ill-Tempered Clavier" 1.3754 0.03864 285 205 53 27
266 I am also a neurosurgeon. 1.3750 0.03635 296 208 65 23
267 My other instrument is the hammered dulcimer. 1.3750 0.03978 264 189 51 24
268 And now, Liszt's sonata in B minor, B major, A minor, C major... All of the keys, really. 1.3750 0.03770 288 205 58 25
269 The finale is a knockout. 1.3750 0.03635 296 208 65 23
270 This will be easy, tying my tie was the difficult task. 1.3750 0.03606 288 200 68 20
271 Tickling isn't what these ivories like. 1.3750 0.03859 272 193 56 23
272 Now I'd like to pound out some old favorites. 1.3746 0.03640 299 211 64 24
273 It's a variation I call 'The Fight of the Bumblebee.' 1.3738 0.03648 305 217 62 26
274 Will someone ring the bell so I can start? 1.3737 0.03562 297 207 69 21
275 Tonight, I go 10 rounds with Liszt 1.3736 0.03668 273 189 66 18
276 I dedicate this next number to everyone who believed I coulda been a contender. 1.3736 0.03743 265 184 63 18
277 Oh, 'boo' yourself! Let's see you try it! 1.3733 0.03603 292 204 67 21
278 So what? Beethoven was deaf. 1.3731 0.03968 268 193 50 25
279 I am very happy to be back here in Madison Square Garden 1.3730 0.03539 311 219 68 24
280 I need another page-turner. 1.3727 0.04039 271 198 45 28
281 I have wrestled with Tchaikovsky my entire life, but tonight I'm going to clobber him!" 1.3720 0.03593 293 205 67 21
282 I dare you to keep your cell phone on. 1.3717 0.03777 269 189 60 20
283 Hecklers are welcome to join me onstage. 1.3714 0.03843 280 201 54 25
284 For you, Mr. President, very large clumps of only white keys. 1.3713 0.03924 272 196 51 25
285 I shall select Rhapsody in Black and Blue 1.3710 0.03645 283 198 65 20
286 It's a percussion instrument, dammit! 1.3710 0.03679 283 199 63 21
287 This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. 1.3706 0.03848 286 207 52 27
288 First, I like to show the piano who’s boss. 1.3704 0.03765 270 190 60 20
289 This is my concerto in 15 rounds. 1.3695 0.03508 295 205 71 19
290 The next piece is from the Maestro's black and blue period. 1.3694 0.03857 268 191 55 22
291 I'll begin our evening of Wagner with 15 rounds in The Ring. 1.3693 0.03545 306 216 67 23
292 This last movement opens with a mandatory eight count. 1.3690 0.03680 271 189 64 18
293 This might sound a little rocky. 1.3690 0.03861 271 194 54 23
294 We'll start on the count of three -- and, of course, finish on the count of ten. 1.3690 0.03680 290 206 61 23
295 I will next perform Rachmaninoff's piano concerto No. 2, in the key of B-flat, A-flat and D-sharp. 1.3684 0.03887 285 208 49 28
296 And now for some Phillip Glass. 1.3681 0.03664 288 204 62 22
297 Rhapsody in black and blue. 1.3680 0.03465 269 182 75 12
298 This next piece is titled Beethoven's Fifth Round. 1.3677 0.03628 310 223 60 27
299 I seem to have Baroque the piano. 1.3673 0.03860 294 216 48 30
300 It’s my reminder to think outside the Bachs. 1.3673 0.03819 275 197 55 23
301 I shall now play "Flight of the elephant." 1.3671 0.03970 286 212 43 31
302 Inspired by a recent court order, I call this piece "Anger Management" 1.3669 0.03992 248 177 51 20
303 And now, “Flight of the butterfly, by Muhammad Ali. 1.3669 0.03891 278 202 50 26
304 And now for something a little more dissonant. 1.3660 0.03771 265 187 59 19
305 Can I get a volunteer to turn pages....? 1.3660 0.03809 265 188 57 20
306 Still, a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest. 1.3659 0.03630 276 193 65 18
307 And here's a little something that I knocked out this afternoon... 1.3656 0.03639 279 196 64 19
308 This next piece is my homage to cognitive dissonance. 1.3655 0.03643 290 206 62 22
309 For my next hit... 1.3654 0.03487 301 211 70 20
310 I am going to play an original composition that I am sure you will love, if you know what's good for you. 1.3653 0.03785 271 193 57 21
311 My next piece is entitled..."To Hell With Nuance" . 1.3652 0.03749 282 202 57 23
312 I dedicate this next piece to the critics." 1.3652 0.03681 282 200 61 21
313 I’ve finished writing the verses, but I still need the right hook. 1.3649 0.03716 296 214 56 26
314 And now for my sonata in C, C sharp, D, E, and F. 1.3646 0.03932 277 203 47 27
315 For my encore, I will play a little-known piece by George Gershwin and Joe Louis. 1.3646 0.03559 288 202 67 19
316 And now I shall play Beethoven's Fist. 1.3646 0.03790 288 209 53 26
317 Next, Variations on a Theme by Pugilisti. 1.3645 0.03659 299 215 59 25
318 Next I am going to play one of my smash hits 1.3643 0.03633 291 207 62 22
319 I can't start without my page turner! 1.3640 0.03737 272 193 59 20
320 And now, Beethoven's 5th Round! 1.3640 0.03738 283 203 57 23
321 Next I'll perform a few classical hits. 1.3639 0.03542 294 207 67 20
322 I call this next one “An Ode to 2018.” 1.3639 0.03733 294 213 55 26
323 I've been told you're a tough audience. 1.3636 0.03461 308 217 70 21
324 Here are some of my greatest hits. 1.3636 0.03736 297 216 54 27
325 I'm warning you coughers, one more sound and the gloves are coming off. 1.3633 0.03779 289 210 53 26
326 That last Christmas concerto was by Rachmaninoff. And a now a little something for Boxing Day. 1.3630 0.03864 270 195 52 23
327 And now, a rarely-performed work by an obscure composer ... 1.3627 0.03760 284 205 55 24
328 This piece calls for more force and less precision. 1.3626 0.03653 273 192 63 18
329 This first piece will be a knockout. 1.3625 0.03568 320 232 60 28
330 'This piece knocked me out the first time I heard it." 1.3624 0.03665 298 215 58 25
331 That's it! The gloves are coming off. 1.3623 0.03768 276 198 56 22
332 It's hard to follow a banjo-playing elephant 1.3623 0.03626 276 194 64 18
333 My version of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". 1.3621 0.03672 290 208 59 23
334 Now, I’d like to hit you with something new! 1.3619 0.03699 268 189 61 18
335 And now for George Gershwin's 'Rhapsody in Bruise.' 1.3619 0.04077 257 189 43 25
336 And now, I will play the theme from Rocky as it was originally composed. 1.3618 0.03395 304 212 74 18
337 This piece is a knockout. 1.3614 0.03649 285 203 61 21
338 I shall legato like a butterfly and staccato like a bee.' 1.3614 0.03815 285 208 51 26
339 Turns out the ivories prefer to be roughed up a little. 1.3613 0.03503 310 221 66 23
340 And now, mauler 1.3612 0.03860 263 189 53 21
341 Now I’ll play for you a medley of hits. 1.3610 0.03623 313 228 57 28
342 No other pianist would even attempt this. 1.3609 0.03598 302 217 61 24
343 I will now play Chopin's Nocturne in Be-Flattened. 1.3607 0.03762 280 202 55 23
344 My first selection is "Blunt Force Trauma, in E-Minor." 1.3602 0.03576 322 235 58 29
345 This next tune is called "Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.3596 0.03452 292 204 71 17
346 I call this piece Beethoven's Fifth Round. 1.3596 0.03715 292 212 55 25
347 I haven't practiced this piece much. I figured I'd just knock it out. 1.3594 0.03542 281 197 67 17
348 'I'd like to dedicate this next number to my ex-wife." 1.3590 0.03721 273 195 58 20
349 This one's called "Eine Kleine Knockout-musik." 1.3589 0.03760 287 209 53 25
350 LLLET'S GET READY TO CRESCENDOOOOOOO!!!! 1.3588 0.03694 301 220 54 27
351 And now I’d like to bang out a few of my favorite tunes. 1.3588 0.03867 262 189 52 21
352 My next number may lack subtlety but it more than makes up for it in punch. 1.3588 0.03752 262 186 58 18
353 And now, my new arrangement of 'Hail to the Chief.' 1.3588 0.04088 262 195 40 27
354 Time to break in the new piano 1.3586 0.03517 304 217 65 22
355 This next piece consists of twelve rounds. 1.3585 0.03645 265 186 63 16
356 Float like a butterfly, sting like a B flat. 1.3584 0.03665 279 199 60 20
357 And now for Beethoven's Ninth Round. 1.3584 0.03543 293 208 65 20
358 And now, I’ll be playing the hits. 1.3583 0.03751 254 179 59 16
359 This next song begins with a standing eight count 1.3583 0.03667 254 177 63 14
360 I can't Handel this. 1.3583 0.03527 321 233 61 27
361 And for the finale, here’s a little something that my 3 year old banged out. 1.3582 0.03567 282 199 65 18
362 And now, a flurry of left jabs in G-minor. 1.3579 0.03619 299 216 59 24
363 And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to knock out a little Chopin. 1.3576 0.03532 302 216 64 22
364 And now for Eine kleine Knockout Musik. 1.3574 0.03573 277 195 65 17
365 Wait...wait...for the punch line! 1.3566 0.03691 272 194 59 19
366 I get a lot of criticism for this next one. 1.3564 0.03770 275 199 54 22
367 And now for some Rockymaninoff. 1.3564 0.03734 275 198 56 21
368 My next number is a knock out. 1.3562 0.03498 306 219 65 22
369 I'll play your request, maam, but for future reference it's "*Flight* of the Bumblebee" 1.3562 0.03710 292 213 54 25
370 Oh! You meant BACH'S music? 1.3561 0.03809 278 203 51 24
371 Tonight The 1812 Overture. Just the cannons firing part. 1.3560 0.03830 250 178 55 17
372 And now for a punchy tune! 1.3560 0.03413 309 219 70 20
373 Everyone else tickles the ivories" 1.3556 0.03511 284 200 67 17
374 This should settle the score! 1.3552 0.03630 290 209 59 22
375 Now a little something from Dukes Ellington. 1.3551 0.03723 276 199 56 21
376 Beethoven’s 9th Round 1.3549 0.03668 293 213 56 24
377 And now for something with a bit of a punch. 1.3548 0.03516 279 196 67 16
378 I thought this piece could use a little more punch. 1.3547 0.03755 265 190 56 19
379 ...and now, "The Black and Blue Danube". 1.3543 0.03527 302 217 63 22
380 Because I'm tired of wrestling with my muse. 1.3539 0.03569 308 224 59 25
381 One more comment like that and these gloves are coming off. 1.3537 0.03528 294 210 64 20
382 I call this next piece 'Losing a Bet' 1.3536 0.03952 280 210 41 29
383 For my next number, I’ll need a volunteer from the audience.... 1.3536 0.03578 280 199 63 18
384 Now for my biggest hit 1.3535 0.03723 297 219 51 27
385 Brad was asked to knock out a tune. 1.3531 0.03662 286 207 57 22
386 All That Jabz. 1.3529 0.03722 272 196 56 20
387 You shoulda seen the other Steinway! 1.3528 0.03499 309 223 63 23
388 I call it, “Rhapsody in Black and Blue.” 1.3527 0.03471 275 192 69 14
389 Now, the Philip Glass variations on Paul Simon's "The Boxer." 1.3523 0.03741 281 205 53 23
390 Where is my page turner? 1.3523 0.03638 281 202 59 20
391 I think you'll find this one less subtle than my earlier works 1.3522 0.03469 301 215 66 20
392 I'm just going to punch it up a bit. 1.3521 0.03506 284 201 66 17
393 Now I’d like to knock out a little tune for you. 1.3519 0.03550 287 205 63 19
394 And, now for something completely different. 1.3518 0.03359 307 217 72 18
395 Now, for the fight song. 1.3516 0.03711 273 197 56 20
396 This tune should ring a bell. 1.3516 0.03783 273 199 52 22
397 I'm going to regale you folks with a few of my best hits. 1.3515 0.03533 293 210 63 20
398 This one was written by my three-year-old 1.3515 0.03631 293 213 57 23
399 And now a selection from my boxed set. 1.3513 0.03793 279 205 50 24
400 And now a piece by Sugar Ray Charles... 1.3513 0.03654 279 201 58 20
401 And now Beethoven’s sonata in C, B, Bb, A and G#. 1.3508 0.03589 305 223 57 25
402 Now is there ANYONE ELSE who thinks they want to leave before my recital is over ??? 1.3507 0.03574 288 207 61 20
403 This next piece is a bit heavy-handed. 1.3505 0.03390 311 222 69 20
404 This piece was composed when Mozart was only two. 1.3504 0.03771 274 200 52 22
405 Next up, Theme From Rocky. 1.3504 0.03552 274 194 64 16
406 For this next piece, I’ll be taking the gloves off! 1.3503 0.03389 294 207 71 16
407 While I drink a glass of water. 1.3498 0.03482 303 218 64 21
408 Will someone hit the bell? 1.3498 0.03482 303 218 64 21
409 I'd like to dedicate the next song to my ex-wife. Trudy, this one's for you. 1.3498 0.03482 303 218 64 21
410 You said you wanted a fight song. 1.3495 0.03434 309 222 66 21
411 A brief pause while I respond to a recent review. 1.3495 0.03761 289 214 49 26
412 Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry, I just realized that these are my violin gloves. 1.3494 0.03783 269 196 52 21
413 And now J.S. Bach's – The Ill-Tempered Clavier 1.3493 0.03643 272 195 59 18
414 This next piece is gonna knock you out. 1.3492 0.03448 315 228 64 23
415 And for my next round... 1.3492 0.03714 252 179 58 15
416 And now for some of my boxer shorts. 1.3492 0.03642 295 216 55 24
417 And now for a punchy little number. 1.3492 0.03578 295 214 59 22
418 I'm the guest pianist at the Trump Family Christmas Party. 1.3491 0.03794 275 202 50 23
419 and now, from the ring cycle... 1.3491 0.03567 318 235 55 28
420 I'd like to dedicate this next piece to my wife of 36 years. 1.3489 0.03588 278 199 61 18
421 My next composition is played in twelve 3 minute rounds. 1.3488 0.03496 301 217 63 21
422 And now... a medley of my favorite hits 1.3488 0.03528 301 218 61 22
423 And now, the Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.3488 0.03681 301 223 51 27
424 This next one is a punchy little tune….” 1.3485 0.03570 307 225 57 25
425 And now, a little Rockymaninoff. 1.3485 0.03943 264 196 44 24
426 Can you hear me now ? 1.3483 0.03801 267 195 51 21
427 And now for some of my greatest hits. 1.3481 0.03626 293 214 56 23
428 Most players “tickle” , I choose to pummel. 1.3480 0.03480 273 192 67 14
429 I knocked out this piece in just ten minutes. 1.3480 0.03536 296 214 61 21
430 I've found these to be enormously helpful in performing Bartok. 1.3480 0.03404 296 210 69 17
431 I call this next piece, "Pounding Headache". 1.3478 0.03667 299 221 52 26
432 And now for Chopin with some punch. 1.3478 0.03827 253 183 52 18
433 This is The Bad-Tempered Clavier 1.3478 0.03953 276 208 40 28
434 And now for a few of my greatest hits... 1.3477 0.03400 325 236 65 24
435 I think I've lost this bet already. 1.3474 0.03697 285 209 53 23
436 Before I begin, are there any critics in the audience tonight? 1.3470 0.03752 268 195 53 20
437 And now, a few of my greatest hits. 1.3470 0.03752 268 195 53 20
438 Trust me, this next song will be a knockout. 1.3469 0.03320 320 229 71 20
439 Next I will play a special piece for Boxing Day. 1.3467 0.03657 274 198 57 19
440 I'd like to start with the second movement, third round. 1.3467 0.03338 300 212 72 16
441 If you grew up on the streets of Philadelphia, you'll certainly appreciate this next piece. 1.3466 0.03630 277 200 58 19
442 I've always loved dueling pianos. 1.3460 0.03592 289 210 58 21
443 Knock out a tune? 1.3459 0.03599 292 213 57 22
444 You'll recognize this next piece from my boxed set. 1.3456 0.03611 298 219 55 24
445 The insurance on my hands hasn’t been processed yet. 1.3456 0.03747 272 199 52 21
446 I float like a butterfly and sting like B flat. 1.3455 0.03754 275 202 51 22
447 And now Ladies and Gentlemen, a medley of my greatest hits. 1.3454 0.03651 249 176 60 13
448 You might be surprised by how subtle and intricate this piece is. 1.3453 0.03619 278 201 58 19
449 My next song is "Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.3449 0.03741 287 213 49 25
450 Rachmaninoff’s Concerto No. 2,” with all notes performed simultaneously. 1.3448 0.03895 261 193 46 22
451 I’m going to knock out some tunes for you tonight. 1.3448 0.03615 290 212 56 22
452 Ladies and Gentlemen,'Beethoven's 5th Round'" 1.3446 0.03563 296 216 58 22
453 I'm ready to Bachs. 1.3444 0.03873 270 201 45 24
454 Believe it or not, that was a little tune I just knocked out. 1.3443 0.03458 305 221 63 21
455 What you are about to hear has never before been played in a concert hall. 1.3440 0.03510 282 202 63 17
456 My next piece is Mozart's Piano Concerto 22 in E Flat Major. Unfortunately, you will not recognize it. 1.3439 0.03520 285 205 62 18
457 Is there a volunteer to flip the music sheet? 1.3435 0.03578 294 215 57 22
458 I'm done with tickling the ivories. 1.3435 0.03446 294 211 65 18
459 Rough crowd tonight 1.3435 0.03480 294 212 63 19
460 This is it. This is the nightmare. 1.3434 0.03740 297 223 46 28
461 Ever have that dream that you went to school in your underwear? This is my version... 1.3434 0.03521 297 216 60 21
462 Observe, ladies and gentlemen, as I put the 'K.O.' back in Tchaikovsky. 1.3433 0.03496 300 218 61 21
463 I will now play our new national anthem. 1.3432 0.03896 271 203 43 25
464 This is a punchy little number. 1.3431 0.03385 306 220 67 19
465 I could've been a contender if it weren't for those damn piano lessons. 1.3431 0.03464 274 194 66 14
466 Tonight, I will not be 'tickling the ivories' as they say... 1.3430 0.03624 277 201 57 19
467 Opus 12, Round 7 1.3430 0.03660 277 202 55 20
468 Excuse me while I knock out a few songs. 1.3429 0.03668 280 205 54 21
469 It just looks hard. 1.3428 0.03606 283 206 57 20
470 And now I will perform "Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.3428 0.03427 283 201 67 15
471 This won't be pretty. 1.3428 0.03606 283 206 57 20
472 I"ll start with one of my greatest hits. 1.3425 0.03641 254 181 59 14
473 And to conclude tonight's program of heavyweight composers... 1.3425 0.03214 292 203 78 11
474 I'd like to dedicate this encore to my parents, who forced me to play piano, when I would have preferred then, as now, to be doing something else. 1.3425 0.03723 292 218 48 26
475 And now, a collection of my greatest hits. 1.3424 0.03600 295 217 55 23
476 This next piece was composed by the most talented lobster I ever met. 1.3423 0.03825 260 191 49 20
477 I do it my way! 1.3422 0.03324 301 214 71 16
478 Did you say "boxer" or "Bach, Sir"?? 1.3419 0.03453 313 229 61 23
479 Well, fine, I don't think you're a very good audience. 1.3418 0.03641 275 200 56 19
480 And now I'm going to knock out one of my old favorites. 1.3417 0.03467 278 198 65 15
481 Next: 'Rhapsody In Back And Blue'. 1.3417 0.03436 319 234 61 24
482 Now for my knockout finale. 1.3415 0.03560 284 206 59 19
483 And now I will play all the keys at the same time. 1.3412 0.03653 296 220 51 25
484 Clearly, I am the Greatest. 1.3412 0.03427 296 213 65 18
485 Here’s an old standard I’d like to pound out for you 1.3408 0.03638 267 193 57 17
486 Go ahead. Ask me to play Piano Man. I want you to. 1.3408 0.03638 267 193 57 17
487 And now Concerto No. 2 by Rocky Maninoff . 1.3408 0.04006 267 203 37 27
488 Tonight folks, I'm just going to knock out a little tune. . . 1.3407 0.03648 270 196 56 18
489 This next piece is by TKO Bach. 1.3406 0.03630 276 201 56 19
490 If I hear one more person request "Piano Man'", these gloves are coming off. 1.3405 0.03638 279 204 55 20
491 And now, for something a little less intricate. 1.3404 0.03611 282 206 56 20
492 To anyone who didn't immediately recognize it, that was Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto in B-flat Minor. 1.3403 0.03692 288 214 50 24
493 Does anyone else care to complain about my playing? 1.3403 0.03626 288 212 54 22
494 And now, J.S. Bach's BAD-Tempered Clavier. 1.3402 0.03599 291 214 55 22
495 And now, a new composition, "Ode to Trump." 1.3402 0.03533 291 212 59 20
496 Let's get ready to Rrrrrrachmaninoffff! 1.3401 0.03606 294 217 54 23
497 Mom, you and Dad are going to have to reach an agreement as to what you want me to be. 1.3401 0.03606 294 217 54 23
498 I'd like to play you a little something I wrote when I was two and a half. 1.3399 0.03467 303 221 61 21
499 Pianist? I thought you asked for a pugilist...! 1.3397 0.03314 315 227 69 19
500 A concerto for neither left nor right hand. 1.3394 0.03682 274 201 53 20
501 This next piece is atonal. 1.3394 0.03654 277 203 54 20
502 First, I thought I'd knock out a few show tunes. 1.3393 0.03520 280 202 61 17
503 Thank you to the White House Correspondents' Association for inviting me to perform at this year's Correspondents' Dinner. 1.3393 0.03592 280 204 57 19
504 This is from my box set. 1.3393 0.03592 280 204 57 19
505 I 'm sure they said I was to take on Wagner in the ring. 1.3392 0.03574 286 209 57 20
506 I miss the days when just tickling the ivory was enough. 1.3390 0.03523 292 213 59 20
507 During the prestissimo the gloves come off. 1.3390 0.03556 292 214 57 21
508 Great, I'm having another anxiety dream. 1.3389 0.03667 301 226 48 27
509 I composed this next piece when I was two. 1.3383 0.03577 269 194 59 16
510 If you don't quiet down, your nose is going to B-flat. 1.3382 0.03561 275 199 59 17
511 And now for "Rhapsody in Black and Blue" 1.3382 0.03561 275 199 59 17
512 Oh, I wouldn't say that I "tickle" the ivories. 1.3382 0.03813 275 206 45 24
513 Has it been tuned? 1.3381 0.03616 281 206 55 20
514 And it goes something like this. 1.3381 0.03788 281 211 45 25
515 Not to worry, folks. It’s a player piano. 1.3378 0.03553 296 218 56 22
516 And now I’d like to play for you some of my greatest hits. 1.3377 0.03510 305 225 57 23
517 I'll knock out this Beethoven in the Fifth." 1.3377 0.03605 308 231 50 27
518 And now for something a little punchier... 1.3376 0.03115 311 218 81 12
519 Trust me. It’s all in the wrist. 1.3371 0.03593 267 193 58 16
520 Did I hear a request for a fight song? 1.3371 0.03553 267 192 60 15
521 I would like to play this next number the way people have been saying I play it. 1.3370 0.03731 276 205 49 22
522 This one is dedicated to my lovely ex-wife. 1.3370 0.03660 276 203 53 20
523 Due to the present social environment I can no longer tickle the ivories 1.3370 0.03696 276 204 51 21
524 Now, a brief interlude while I make a momentous career choice. 1.3369 0.03640 282 208 53 21
525 Who's up for another round? 1.3369 0.03535 282 205 59 18
526 This next song is a knockout. 1.3368 0.03402 285 204 66 15
527 Ohh, Bach? I thought you said "box". 1.3368 0.03474 285 206 62 17
528 And now, a touching musical tribute to the great Muhammad Ali. 1.3368 0.03714 285 213 48 24
529 This is by Liszton. 1.3368 0.03509 285 207 60 18
530 Now for a variation from Bach’s Bad-Tempered Clavier. 1.3368 0.03378 288 206 67 15
531 My therapist told me the way to treat performance anxiety is to imagine my worst fear. 1.3368 0.03561 291 214 56 21
532 I’ll be knocking out songs all night. 1.3367 0.03401 294 212 65 17
533 How about a fight song? 1.3367 0.03401 294 212 65 17
534 That's right, I've been playing the piano with my penis the whole time!" 1.3367 0.03730 297 225 44 28
535 I must warn you in advance about the crescendo. 1.3365 0.03288 318 230 69 19
536 You should a looked out for me Charlie. I could a been a conductor. 1.3358 0.03778 271 202 47 22
537 The next piece is my own take on "Chopsticks" -- I call it "Logs." 1.3358 0.03490 274 197 62 15
538 Yes - It's Rocky the Musical 1.3357 0.03649 277 204 53 20
539 This year, instead of Christmas music, I will play a couple of Boxing Day pieces. 1.3357 0.03656 280 207 52 21
540 And now for Beethoven’s 9th round. 1.3357 0.03463 286 207 62 17
541 We now present a medley of "Madame Butterfly" and "Flight of the Bumblebee" as performed by Muhammad Ali. 1.3357 0.03499 286 208 60 18
542 And now a childhood favorite. 1.3356 0.03517 292 214 58 20
543 Would anyone care to hear another fight song? 1.3356 0.03525 295 217 57 21
544 This next piece - "John Cage Match" - is an homage. 1.3355 0.03539 301 223 55 23
545 Piano Concerto by Pugilini 1.3354 0.03310 319 232 67 20
546 I’m a professional. Please don’t try this at home. 1.3346 0.03637 266 194 55 17
547 I now present "The Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.3346 0.03832 269 202 44 23
548 That was a knockout performance 1.3346 0.03531 269 194 60 15
549 I will now play the theme from Rocky as it was meant to be played. 1.3345 0.03629 275 202 54 19
550 And now it’s “time to take the gloves off” 1.3345 0.03406 284 204 65 15
551 And how am I supposed to turn the page? 1.3345 0.03549 284 208 57 19
552 This next piece I call "The old one-two" 1.3345 0.03498 290 212 59 19
553 I can knock out any tune you name 1.3345 0.03371 293 211 66 16
554 Well, on the plus side, it’s only a MINUTE Waltz. 1.3344 0.03490 299 220 58 21
555 Why hunt and peck when you can bob and weave? 1.3344 0.03458 299 219 60 20
556 I would like to play a little song I wrote that goes nothing like this. 1.3344 0.03466 302 222 59 21
557 This next piece is a total knock-out. 1.3344 0.03443 305 224 60 21
558 And now for the old, ‘One, two’ 1.3344 0.03240 311 223 72 16
559 My next piece is Piano Sonata No. 8 in somewhere between A Minor and E Major." 1.3333 0.03634 282 209 52 21
560 I strongly urge everyone to turn off their cell phone! 1.3333 0.03681 288 216 48 24
561 The good thing is I finally stopped chewing my nails 1.3333 0.03505 297 219 57 21
562 Could I ask someone to retrieve the mouthguard from the soundboard? 1.3333 0.03503 285 208 59 18
563 And now for Philip Glass's ode to Ali. 1.3333 0.03659 294 221 48 25
564 Ladies and gentlemen, I've had a request for the theme from Rocky. 1.3333 0.03607 285 211 53 21
565 I'll be going fifteen rondos. 1.3333 0.03608 273 200 55 18
566 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall take a jab at the piano 1.3333 0.03283 300 215 70 15
567 Bach? I thought you said Box. 1.3333 0.03481 300 221 58 21
568 I dedicate this next piece to Philip Glass. 1.3333 0.03851 267 201 43 23
569 See if you can name this one! 1.3333 0.03419 291 211 63 17
570 I call this one 'Beethoven's Fifth Round.' 1.3333 0.03432 285 206 63 16
571 And now, a selection of greatest hits. 1.3322 0.03471 301 222 58 21
572 Shall I hit it? 1.3322 0.03585 295 220 52 23
573 OK, I get it, a little less forte. 1.3322 0.03420 295 215 62 18
574 Let me just knock out a couple of tunes for you. 1.3322 0.03247 295 210 72 13
575 Anyone want to critique my performance now 1.3322 0.03410 292 212 63 17
576 For my next number I am going to really pound the keys. 1.3322 0.03571 289 214 54 21
577 Before my next performance I'd like to ask the Gazette's music critic to join me onstage. 1.3322 0.03658 283 211 50 22
578 And now, the Tyson Variations. 1.3322 0.03658 283 211 50 22
579 And now, 'Eine Kleine Knock-out-musik' 1.3321 0.03580 280 206 55 19
580 This is my fight song. 1.3321 0.03670 274 203 51 20
581 And now Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fight of the Bumble bee 1.3321 0.03813 274 207 43 24
582 And now, for a rather punchy tune . . . 1.3321 0.03575 268 195 57 16
583 The best Opus is a good defence. 1.3320 0.03659 259 189 54 16
584 A little help please. My fly is open. 1.3320 0.03770 256 189 49 18
585 This piece is called Requiem for the Presidency. 1.3320 0.03890 256 192 43 21
586 I will now demonstrate how to knock out a tune. 1.3320 0.03850 256 191 45 20
587 Next, a piece I composed when I was three years old. 1.3311 0.03704 299 228 43 28
588 The next one goes something like this. 1.3311 0.03510 296 219 56 21
589 My next piece is by the lesser known Johan Sebastian Box 1.3311 0.03468 293 215 59 19
590 Tonight’s performance is sponsored by Everlast. 1.3310 0.03423 290 211 62 17
591 Indeed, I did not quit my day job. 1.3310 0.03593 290 216 52 22
592 And now for a number with a little more punch... 1.3310 0.03483 287 210 59 18
593 From my boxed set of recordings. 1.3310 0.03613 284 211 52 21
594 And now, "Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a B-flat" 1.3309 0.03596 278 205 54 19
595 The conductor said my fortissimo needs a bit more punch. 1.3309 0.03511 275 200 59 16
596 If you think this is bad, I'm also not wearing any pants. 1.3309 0.03623 275 203 53 19
597 That’s the last time I write “OK” to my dyslexic agent. 1.3309 0.03801 275 208 43 24
598 I'm just going to knock out a couple of tunes. 1.3308 0.03783 266 199 46 21
599 This is a new piece I've worked out. Beethoven's fifth round. 1.3307 0.03549 257 185 59 13
600 Let’s get ready to pianooooooooooooooo 1.3301 0.03396 306 225 61 20
601 I'm not the main event. 1.3300 0.03410 300 220 61 19
602 GGGGGEEEEEEETTTTTT RRRREEEAAAAADDDDY TO RACHMANINOFF!!! 1.3299 0.03516 291 215 56 20
603 And now, for Tyson's 5th... 1.3299 0.03642 288 216 49 23
604 And now ... Symphony No. 7 in C, D, and E Major. 1.3299 0.03805 288 221 39 28
605 And now, "The Pugilist's Sonata," in a bunch of keys. 1.3298 0.03602 285 212 52 21
606 I dare you, ask me to play ‘Piano Man’ one more time. 1.3297 0.03548 279 205 56 18
607 And now, Cacophony Number 9 in E minor. 1.3297 0.03538 276 202 57 17
608 For my next piece,I will perform J. S. Box' Golden Glove Variations 1.3297 0.03538 276 202 57 17
609 And in the final movement, I take off the gloves and just go wild. 1.3297 0.03639 273 202 52 19
610 And to my critics, a sustained beating in D minor." 1.3296 0.03667 270 200 51 19
611 For this next number I’d like to punch it up a bit. 1.3296 0.03540 267 194 58 15
612 And now for my knockout number... 1.3295 0.03452 258 184 63 11
613 And now, ladies and gentlemen, a song about my marriage. 1.3295 0.03745 258 191 49 18
614 The next piece is my first composition. I first played it at the age of 6 months. My mother named it "Knock it off". 1.3292 0.03239 319 232 69 18
615 For my encore, I will now play 'Fight of the Bumblebee'. 1.3289 0.03554 298 223 52 23
616 And now, something from the light heavyweight classics. 1.3288 0.03438 292 214 60 18
617 Well, at least it's not the late and naked for the final exam dream. 1.3288 0.03733 292 223 42 27
618 Instead of tickling the ivories,tonight I'll be beating them. 1.3287 0.03625 286 214 50 22
619 And now, a quick jab at Rachmaninoff. 1.3287 0.03557 286 212 54 20
620 You see, I only play in my spar time. 1.3286 0.03476 283 207 59 17
621 Yeah, but I don't get any more hecklers. 1.3286 0.03583 283 210 53 20
622 For my next piece I’ll play Cacophony in D minor. 1.3286 0.03754 283 215 43 25
623 Rocky-maninoff . 1.3285 0.03672 277 207 49 21
624 This next piece is played in twelve rounds. 1.3284 0.03424 271 195 63 13
625 Do you want the black notes or the white notes? 1.3284 0.03796 268 202 44 22
626 And now "Flight of the Rhinoceros." 1.3283 0.03751 265 198 47 20
627 This is from Beethoven's fist. 1.3283 0.03674 265 196 51 18
628 My money's on the piano. 1.3281 0.03220 317 230 70 17
629 My next melody is called Whack-a-Mole 1.3279 0.03400 305 225 60 20
630 This next number is really going to knock you out. 1.3278 0.03293 302 219 67 16
631 I can only play the 'dun dun dun dun' part. 1.3278 0.03348 299 218 64 17
632 Look, I was told to pound the keys, and that's what I came here to do. 1.3277 0.03371 296 216 63 17
633 I guess it's time to take the gloves off. 1.3276 0.03452 290 213 59 18
634 Beethoven, Brahms, Mozart — lightweights! 1.3276 0.03347 290 210 65 15
635 This next tune has quite a punch to it. 1.3276 0.03417 290 212 61 17
636 I’ll now do my last hit 1.3276 0.03588 290 217 51 22
637 ...And it kind of goes like this. 1.3276 0.03452 290 213 59 18
638 I'd like to play a punchy little number. 1.3276 0.03654 290 219 47 24
639 I always dread the Boxing Day gig. 1.3276 0.03417 290 212 61 17
640 When was the last time this piano was tuned? 1.3275 0.03648 287 216 48 23
641 There will be no heckling tonight. 1.3273 0.03442 278 202 61 15
642 My record against Bartok is 10 wins, 2 losses, and one audience walkout. 1.3270 0.03363 318 236 60 22
643 My next piece is played in three minute rounds. 1.3268 0.03909 257 195 40 22
644 I call this "The Old One-Two." 1.3267 0.03349 303 222 63 18
645 And now, a roundhouse from T.K.O. Bach. 1.3267 0.03540 303 228 51 24
646 I no longer play by ear. 1.3265 0.03452 294 217 58 19
647 I feel like I'm fighting the music. 1.3265 0.03442 291 214 59 18
648 Well, you said to make it more punchy! 1.3265 0.03229 291 208 71 12
649 I will now float like a butterfly and sting in B. 1.3265 0.03643 291 220 47 24
650 Welcome to the White House holiday party! And please remember to protect yourselves at all times! 1.3264 0.03570 288 215 52 21
651 Let's get ready to rumba. 1.3262 0.03623 282 211 50 21
652 Following this encore, I would like a word with the reviewer who has called my playing ham-fisted. 1.3262 0.03516 282 208 56 18
653 And now ladies and gentleman “ The Trump Sonata.” 1.3261 0.03557 322 247 45 30
654 How can I play with that bright light in my eyes? 1.3261 0.03678 276 207 48 21
655 Round 4 will be Chopin 1.3260 0.03264 319 234 66 19
656 Please excuse the gloves, I'm saving my fingers for a more sophisticated audience 1.3260 0.03481 273 199 59 15
657 A man hears what he wants to hear And disregards the rest 1.3259 0.03507 270 197 58 15
658 Tonight I'll be performing Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata". You may need to use your imagination. 1.3259 0.03660 270 201 50 19
659 I'm going to play some Johann Sebastian Box 1.3258 0.03493 267 194 59 14
660 My next piece is by Rockymaninoff." 1.3258 0.03573 267 196 55 16
661 No, they're not for playing. They're for dealing with anyone who criticizes the playing. 1.3258 0.03478 264 191 60 13
662 My next selection will be the theme from "Rocky." 1.3257 0.03536 307 232 50 25
663 I thought you said to play the hits 1.3257 0.03591 304 231 47 26
664 Play chopsticks”? I can’t even hold them 1.3257 0.03340 304 223 63 18
665 I fought the song and the song won 1.3257 0.03499 304 228 53 23
666 And finally, the theme from Rocky. 1.3256 0.03460 301 224 56 21
667 This one is for you mother 1.3256 0.03616 301 229 46 26
668 The music critic said my last performance lacked punch 1.3254 0.03408 295 217 60 18
669 And now, Rockymaninoff piano concerto 3. 1.3254 0.03305 295 214 66 15
670 And now, a more punchy tune. 1.3253 0.03432 292 215 59 18
671 The sound is terrible, but I get way less hecklers. 1.3253 0.03220 292 209 71 12
672 I Only Play Fight Songs 1.3253 0.03466 292 216 57 19
673 And now my rendition of "The Fight of the Bumble Bee". 1.3253 0.03456 289 213 58 18
674 This is a medley of my greatest hits, 1.3253 0.03559 289 216 52 21
675 I call this piece 'Bach-xing.' 1.3251 0.03360 283 205 64 14
676 You've heard the theme. Now it's time for the variations. 1.3251 0.03680 283 214 46 23
677 I only play the hits 1.3251 0.03577 283 211 52 20
678 I am practicing for the White House New Year’s party. 1.3250 0.03603 280 209 51 20
679 And now for "The Ill-Tempered Clavier". 1.3250 0.03708 280 212 45 23
680 This next one is Beethoven's fists 1.3249 0.03737 277 210 44 23
681 This next piece is called "Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.3249 0.03772 277 211 42 24
682 I will now play a combo of Mozart Concertos in A minor, D minor, and G major. 1.3248 0.03442 311 233 55 23
683 Crazy? Maybe. But you won't forget me. 1.3247 0.03457 271 197 60 14
684 Looks like I’m gonna have to go with the Philip Glass, not the Debussy. 1.3246 0.03639 268 199 51 18
685 It’s an upbeat tempo. One, two. One, two. 1.3246 0.03363 305 225 61 19
686 This should be a lot better than my piccolo playing. 1.3244 0.03656 262 194 51 17
687 I just had a manicure. 1.3244 0.03506 299 224 53 22
688 This next one's not subtle, but it's powerful. 1.3244 0.03240 299 216 69 14
689 I'm asking you to please keep an open mind. 1.3244 0.03376 299 220 61 18
690 This one's got a great hook. 1.3243 0.03726 259 193 48 18
691 Now, 'The Tyson Variations.' 1.3242 0.03653 293 223 45 25
692 In honor of our times I'm playing dischords. 1.3242 0.03422 293 216 59 18
693 I will now play "An etude for two fists, in three rounds" 1.3242 0.03673 256 189 51 16
694 I will now go a couple of rounds with Shostakovich 1.3241 0.03376 290 212 62 16
695 Any other requests? 1.3240 0.03642 287 217 47 23
696 And now, 'How I Feel About The Little Drummer Boy.' 1.3239 0.03387 318 238 57 23
697 I'm prepared to defend tonight's choice of music. 1.3239 0.03328 318 236 61 21
698 I shall toy with him throughout the adagio, then knock him out in the sonata. 1.3239 0.03112 318 229 75 14
699 I will finish with my own composition, “Fight of the Bumblebee.” 1.3238 0.03627 281 211 49 21
700 And now I’d like to belt out a little tune. 1.3238 0.03592 281 210 51 20
701 If Trump can claim he always tells the truth, I can claim the following is a symphony. 1.3236 0.03610 275 205 51 19
702 You might have heard Chopsticks before, but I’m about to punch it up a little 1.3235 0.03600 272 202 52 18
703 For the sake of all of us, let us hope I wake up from this nightmare any time now. 1.3233 0.03429 331 252 51 28
704 I thought you said play "box"' not play "Bach's"! 1.3232 0.03839 263 200 41 22
705 When I play fortissimo, I don't fuck around. 1.3232 0.03478 328 251 48 29
706 I'll just knock out a few tunes for you. 1.3231 0.03446 294 218 57 19
707 I'm now going to play 'The Fight of the Bumblebee.' " 1.3230 0.03504 291 217 54 20
708 So much for modern stuff. Now for Chopin, and the gloves come off. 1.3229 0.03564 288 216 51 21
709 And now a lullabye 1.3229 0.03564 288 216 51 21
710 I only play Fortissimo. 1.3229 0.03319 319 237 61 21
711 Playing piano helps with my anger management issues. 1.3227 0.03174 313 227 71 15
712 Yo, Adrian--this sonata's for you. 1.3226 0.03415 310 232 56 22
713 This is a concerto composed by my 2-year old. 1.3226 0.03291 310 228 64 18
714 Now, I shall bang out a tune. 1.3226 0.03385 310 231 58 21
715 I’m told I have a very aggressive playing style 1.3225 0.03079 307 219 77 11
716 And now for a punchy little tune... 1.3225 0.03562 276 205 53 18
717 It’s hammer time! 1.3225 0.03707 276 209 45 22
718 I'd like to play you some Rocky-maninoff 1.3225 0.03562 276 205 53 18
719 And now the theme music from 'ROCKY' the way it was meant to be heard. 1.3221 0.03413 298 221 58 19
720 And now, Sonata for Ali. 1.3221 0.03446 298 222 56 20
721 Here’s a punchy little number. 1.3221 0.03526 267 196 56 15
722 ...and for my next number, I would like to punch it up a bit. 1.3221 0.03486 267 195 58 14
723 It's time for the greatest hits. 1.3220 0.03436 295 219 57 19
724 I call this piece “Sonata for an Untuned Piano in A-flat minor through G major.” 1.3218 0.03485 289 215 55 19
725 And now my original composition, ‘Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a B Minor.’ 1.3218 0.03450 289 214 57 18
726 Well, not usually, but these are my Bach-sing gloves. 1.3216 0.03500 283 210 55 18
727 Has anyone seen my mouth guard? 1.3214 0.03271 308 226 65 17
728 Would someone be a darling and light my candelabra? 1.3214 0.03429 308 231 55 22
729 They said my playing could use a little punch. 1.3214 0.03377 280 204 62 14
730 Excuse me while I pound out a few notes. 1.3213 0.03159 305 220 72 13
731 And now, "Float Like a Butterfly" in B Minor. 1.3213 0.03477 277 204 57 16
732 I lost a bet. 1.3213 0.03477 277 204 57 16
733 And now, I will play the 0ne-two waltz. 1.3210 0.03605 271 202 51 18
734 The next piece is dedicated to my former agent 1.3209 0.03393 296 219 59 18
735 And now, for the second round... 1.3206 0.03252 315 232 65 18
736 This is from my greatest hits album. 1.3206 0.03729 262 197 46 19
737 I've been fighting Beethoven all my life. 1.3206 0.03464 287 213 56 18
738 Next I will be performing Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee" in the style of Muhammad Ali. 1.3206 0.03499 287 214 54 19
739 Here’s a little number I recently knocked out. 1.3201 0.03272 303 222 65 16
740 In a sudden moment of panic, Mitch realizes that the Rachmaninoff concerto was actually written for a southpaw. 1.3199 0.03611 297 227 45 25
741 You want pianissimo? I'll give you pianissimo! 1.3197 0.03507 294 221 52 21
742 I will now play an original piece by Frederic Chopin that he played in 1850 when he was 7 month old. 1.3197 0.03637 294 225 44 25
743 And now, my Muhammad Ali concerto in, well, every key at once. 1.3197 0.03440 294 219 56 19
744 ...and so in tribute to Michael Jackson, I will "just Beat It." 1.3197 0.03621 269 201 50 18
745 Heads up, folks -- this next number's going to be a knockout. 1.3196 0.03395 316 238 55 23
746 I’ve seen my fair share of piano bar fights. 1.3196 0.03360 291 214 61 16
747 Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to pound out a few numbers for you tonight. 1.3194 0.03383 288 212 60 16
748 Tonight I’ll be going a few rounds with Beethoven 1.3193 0.03220 285 205 69 11
749 Now, an atonal piece. 1.3193 0.03514 285 213 53 19
750 Now for my unique rendition of "The Boxer" by Paul Simon. 1.3193 0.03514 285 213 53 19
751 ...And now a selection from my new boxed set. 1.3191 0.03504 282 210 54 18
752 This next piece is a punchy little number. 1.3191 0.03467 282 209 56 17
753 Did you say, "Bach's"? 1.3191 0.03679 282 215 44 23
754 Float like Madame Butterfly, sting like Flight of the Bumblebee. 1.3191 0.03519 304 231 49 24
755 Another knockout performance. 1.3190 0.03455 279 206 57 16
756 I got tired of just tickling the ivories! 1.3190 0.03418 279 205 59 15
757 Look mom, no hands 1.3189 0.03317 301 222 62 17
758 My next number will knock you out. 1.3188 0.03365 276 201 62 13
759 Now, this next tune may ring a bell. 1.3187 0.03626 251 185 52 14
760 "This next piece will be played in rounds." 1.3185 0.03453 270 198 58 14
761 Next is a punchy little tune I wrote myself... 1.3185 0.03315 292 214 63 15
762 Mendelssohn, Mozart, or Marciano? 1.3185 0.03522 292 220 51 21
763 Welcome to an evening of mixed martial arts and music. 1.3185 0.03385 292 216 59 17
764 Here's something I pounded out just this morning. 1.3185 0.03279 292 213 65 14
765 This piece comes from the West Wing of the White House. 1.3185 0.03438 314 238 52 24
766 My next selection will be "Fight of the Bumblebee". 1.3183 0.03513 289 217 52 20
767 My next composition is a punchy little number. 1.3183 0.03338 289 212 62 15
768 This next one is going to be a round. 1.3183 0.03479 289 216 54 19
769 Forte like a butterfly, staccato like a bee. 1.3183 0.03370 311 233 57 21
770 As a Jazz Pacifist, I believe it's more about the notes I don't strike 1.3183 0.03370 311 233 57 21
771 It was a restraining order from my piano teacher! 1.3182 0.03773 286 222 37 27
772 The next one is going to be a hit. 1.3180 0.03415 305 229 55 21
773 Sorry, I only do fight songs. 1.3180 0.03347 283 207 62 14
774 I'll be playing Fight of the Bumble Bees. 1.3180 0.03457 283 210 56 17
775 Now, i am going to play my greatest hits. 1.3180 0.03457 283 210 56 17
776 My next piece is entitled "Requiem for a Heavyweight." 1.3179 0.03439 302 227 54 21
777 And now a little-known piece by John Cage. 1.3179 0.03730 280 215 41 24
778 Apologies for the rocky start... 1.3177 0.03581 277 208 50 19
779 The music was lovely, but the pianist was a bit heavy-handed. 1.3176 0.03487 296 223 52 21
780 I’m going to pound out a tune for you. 1.3174 0.03410 293 218 57 18
781 And for my next selection. "The Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.3174 0.03444 293 219 55 19
782 This next number is a round. 1.3173 0.03391 312 235 55 22
783 Could someone please straighten my tie? 1.3172 0.03434 290 216 56 18
784 Tonight’s bout will be a twelve rondo. 1.3172 0.03386 268 195 61 12
785 My next piece is dedicated to that miserable, heartless, brainless critic in the fifth row center, who had the Gaul to say I played with a heavy hand. 1.3172 0.03383 309 232 56 21
786 This next one, I'll play by ear. 1.3170 0.03310 306 227 61 18
787 The Pugilist's Waltz 1.3170 0.03534 265 196 54 15
788 For my next selection, I have prepared an interpretive rendition of the Theme from Rocky. 1.3169 0.03553 284 214 50 20
789 On tonight’s program, “Float like Les Papillons, sting like Debussy.” 1.3167 0.03650 281 214 45 22
790 My next number will be the "old one two." 1.3167 0.03322 281 205 63 13
791 You're in for a knockout performance tonight. 1.3167 0.03253 300 220 65 15
792 Who's ready to hear my hit song? 1.3165 0.03570 278 209 50 19
793 Any fight song requests? 1.3165 0.03383 278 204 60 14
794 What tune would you like me to knock out next? 1.3165 0.03345 278 203 62 13
795 Here's a mashup I call "Eine kleine Nacht-out-musik." 1.3165 0.03421 278 205 58 15
796 My next number is "Chopfists". 1.3165 0.03377 297 221 58 18
797 NOW,CLAIR DI LUNE AS YOUVE NEVER HEARD IT PLAYED BEFORE. 1.3165 0.03573 297 227 46 24
798 Beethoven's Fifth Round. 1.3165 0.03410 297 222 56 19
799 For the encore, I take the gloves off. 1.3165 0.03132 297 214 72 11
800 On the other hand, 15 note chords are easy! 1.3164 0.03407 275 202 59 14
801 And now, for my next cacophony... 1.3164 0.03328 275 200 63 12
802 Gerald was finding his two jobs were beginning to interfere with each other. 1.3163 0.03501 294 222 51 21
803 This next piece was written by Victor Borge. 1.3163 0.03331 294 217 61 16
804 If you all don’t stop heckling me the gloves are coming off 1.3162 0.03772 253 191 44 18
805 This next piece is by my two-year-old toddler. 1.3160 0.03483 288 216 53 19
806 And now for my final round... 1.3158 0.03441 266 195 58 13
807 I will now play something by Rocky Maninoff. 1.3158 0.03508 285 214 52 19
808 The full boxed set will be available after the performance. 1.3158 0.03219 323 240 64 19
809 Okay Jim, you got this. Float like a butterfly, sting like a B flat. 1.3158 0.03290 304 225 62 17
810 Not often performed,this is young Mozart’s very,very, first piece. 1.3158 0.03419 304 229 54 21
811 First movement, round three. 1.3156 0.03350 282 207 61 14
812 A knockout performance! 1.3156 0.03461 282 210 55 17
813 I pity the fugue! 1.3156 0.03590 263 196 51 16
814 Welcome to the Van Cliburn/Mike Tyson piano competition. 1.3154 0.03559 279 210 50 19
815 And this one's for Mother, who made me practice... 1.3154 0.03631 279 212 46 21
816 I know it looks odd, but it got me into Harvard. 1.3153 0.03549 314 243 43 28
817 I call it my Concerto in 10 Rounds. 1.3153 0.03458 295 222 53 20
818 This one'll be a knock out. 1.3152 0.03358 276 202 61 13
819 And now let me punch out a tune. 1.3152 0.03549 276 207 51 18
820 This is a punchy little tune... 1.3152 0.03397 276 203 59 14
821 I will now perform Mozart's first sonata, which he composed at the age of 16 months. 1.3152 0.03658 276 210 45 21
822 it’s really more about my creative approach and not the actual notes 1.3151 0.03273 292 214 64 14
823 My next piece is a bout . . . 1.3151 0.03414 292 218 56 18
824 This Will Be A Knockout Performance 1.3151 0.03200 292 212 68 12
825 Tonight, I thought we'd start off with a little Philip Glass 1.3151 0.03482 292 220 52 20
826 I will now play selections from my boxed set. 1.3150 0.03686 273 208 44 21
827 I'm going to pound one out, now. 1.3150 0.03575 273 205 50 18
828 This next exuberant piece dates to Mozart's toddler years. 1.3149 0.03437 289 216 55 18
829 And now, a literal rendition of Simon & Garfunkel's, "The Boxer." 1.3148 0.03640 270 204 47 19
830 And now, my rendition of Mike Tyson's 'From Ear to Eternity'. 1.3148 0.03564 270 202 51 17
831 Would the person who requested Proud Mary please come forward? 1.3147 0.03462 286 214 54 18
832 And now, the Sonata in Me Minor, by D. J. Trump. 1.3147 0.03702 286 221 40 25
833 Playing isn't the problem, who's going to help me if I need to use the bathroom? 1.3146 0.03559 302 232 45 25
834 Here's a little tune I recently knocked out. 1.3145 0.03414 283 210 57 16
835 I will now play "Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.3145 0.03450 283 211 55 17
836 For my next number, I’ll be pummeling the ivories... 1.3145 0.03414 283 210 57 16
837 Alright, the next time someone throws a tomato, the gloves are coming off. 1.3144 0.03497 264 195 55 14
838 And now, the Trump Suite of Dementias, in F Major. 1.3144 0.03456 299 226 52 21
839 This next piece is rather punchy, but softly incorporates many, many notes close to one another. 1.3143 0.03512 280 210 52 18
840 I float like Madame Butterfly and sting like Flight of the Bumble Bee 1.3143 0.03401 280 207 58 15
841 Trump asked me to do the musical score for the "Chuck & Nancy" meeting. 1.3143 0.03584 280 212 48 20
842 I took a piano to the zoo to see if elephants could compose as well as paint. This is what they wrote. 1.3143 0.03475 280 209 54 17
843 If I hear a cell-phone ring, watch out! 1.3142 0.03523 261 193 54 14
844 This next song is a round. 1.3140 0.03369 293 218 58 17
845 Welcome to Mixed Musical Arts. 1.3140 0.03507 258 190 55 13
846 No, but I can hum a few bars. 1.3139 0.03439 309 235 51 23
847 This is going to suck. 1.3139 0.03711 274 210 42 22
848 I’m just going to pound this one out. 1.3138 0.03530 290 220 49 21
849 All a song needs is a good hook. 1.3138 0.03564 290 221 47 22
850 Next up is the theme from "Requiem for a Heavyweight" in the keys of A, C, and F 1.3137 0.03336 306 229 58 19
851 I'll just punch out a little number 1.3137 0.03395 271 199 59 13
852 And now, a sonata in twelve rounds. 1.3136 0.03416 287 214 56 17
853 I am now going to play for you a medley of works by Rockymaninoff. 1.3135 0.03735 252 190 45 17
854 And now, for my last number I will play the title song on my new album Trump Year 2. 1.3134 0.03657 268 203 46 19
855 And for my last number this evening, I'll be performing, "Rhapsody in Black And Blue." 1.3134 0.03476 284 213 53 18
856 I will now play The Minute Waltz in ten seconds. 1.3133 0.03479 300 228 50 22
857 Chopin, Nocturne No. 2 in every key. 1.3133 0.03384 316 240 53 23
858 And now, with your kind indulgence, I'll change the mood a bit. 1.3133 0.03590 249 184 52 13
859 Yet another dream where I don't have my underwear on. 1.3132 0.03537 281 212 50 19
860 It says forte. 1.3131 0.03371 297 222 57 18
861 This is a piece I just knocked off. 1.3131 0.03089 297 214 73 10
862 Now a little music for Boxing Day. 1.3130 0.03553 262 195 52 15
863 And now for a little fight music. 1.3129 0.03428 294 221 54 19
864 Now I shall play, 'The Fight of the Bumblebee'. 1.3129 0.03399 310 235 53 22
865 Just hitting a few notes 1.3127 0.03295 307 229 60 18
866 Any more requests? I could pound out tunes all night. 1.3125 0.03217 304 224 65 15
867 And it goes a little bit like this... 1.3125 0.03424 272 201 57 14
868 Float like ‘Madame Butterfly,’ sting like ‘Flight of the Bumblebee.’ 1.3125 0.03476 288 217 52 19
869 Any requests, Mister President? 1.3125 0.03728 272 209 41 22
870 Mesdames et Messieurs, la sonate pour Donald Trump. 1.3125 0.03511 288 218 50 20
871 Piano no problem. Tying bow tie is a totally different challenge. 1.3123 0.03404 301 227 54 20
872 And for my next selection....Cacaphony in G-major. 1.3123 0.03501 285 215 51 19
873 This next piece is from Beethoven's welterweight period. 1.3121 0.03343 282 208 60 14
874 Okay. let's knock out a few tunes on the piano. Any request? 1.3120 0.03475 266 197 55 14
875 And now, Paul Simon's "The Boxer" 1.3119 0.03384 295 221 56 18
876 My parole officer wasn’t clear on the type of community services I’d be performing tonight. 1.3118 0.03442 279 208 55 16
877 And in this corner, playing in at 185 lbs., ... 1.3118 0.03479 279 209 53 17
878 That was in the key of C minor, give or take... 1.3116 0.03302 292 216 61 15
879 And now for a touch of Wagner. 1.3114 0.03568 273 206 49 18
880 I will now play 12 rounds of Chopin. 1.3113 0.03057 318 232 73 13
881 As for the reviewer who suggested my repertoire lacked punch.… 1.3113 0.03329 302 226 58 18
882 Trying to knock out a few tunes 1.3113 0.03159 302 221 68 13
883 Here's my rendition of Beethoven's Fifth – Round. 1.3112 0.03273 286 210 63 13
884 For this number, I float like a butterfly, sting like a B flat major. 1.3111 0.03478 270 201 54 15
885 And now for something a little more punchy. 1.3111 0.03140 315 232 68 15
886 Any last requests? 1.3110 0.03480 283 213 52 18
887 Any requests before I start pounding on the keys? 1.3110 0.03444 283 212 54 17
888 Now I will pummel the ivories. 1.3109 0.03159 312 230 67 15
889 Anyone else want to face the music? 1.3109 0.03583 267 201 49 17
890 After 30 years of tickling the ivories, I’ve decided to try something new. 1.3106 0.03571 264 198 50 16
891 I had to fight for this gig. 1.3106 0.03328 293 218 59 16
892 And now, a fugue by T.K.O. Bach. 1.3106 0.03499 293 223 49 21
893 My Dad wanted me to box, and Mom wanted me to play the piano. 1.3106 0.03363 293 219 57 17
894 Who coughed? 1.3106 0.03598 293 226 43 24
895 Ladies and gentlemen, I will now perform a medley of my greatest hits. 1.3106 0.03186 322 240 64 18
896 Here's a new tune that will knock you out. 1.3105 0.03456 277 207 54 16
897 Yes, the whole piece is to be played Fortissimo. 1.3103 0.03591 290 223 44 23
898 The score says attacca con forza. 1.3103 0.03455 290 219 52 19
899 This sonata is called, “Yo, Adrian.” 1.3103 0.03679 261 198 45 18
900 Concerto in A, B, C, D, E, F, and G 1.3102 0.03403 274 203 57 14
901 I play by ear. 1.3102 0.03442 274 204 55 15
902 Welcome to our First Annual Boxing Day Concert! 1.3101 0.03542 258 192 52 14
903 Thank you. That was Rockymaninoff's Piano Concerto in Round No. 2. 1.3100 0.03545 271 204 50 17
904 Let’s get ready to rrrrubato! 1.3100 0.03584 271 205 48 18
905 Before I start playing the theme from "Rocky", can somebody come up here and zip up my pants? 1.3099 0.03644 284 219 42 23
906 John Cage's 4'33, as played by Rocky Balboa. 1.3099 0.03575 284 217 46 21
907 They made me give up the harp. 1.3099 0.03397 284 212 56 16
908 Pianissimo like a butterfly, fortissimo like a bee. 1.3099 0.03469 284 214 52 18
909 I'd like to begin with a little warm up exercise. 1.3098 0.03612 255 191 49 15
910 And now for something modern. 1.3098 0.03497 297 227 48 22
911 They’re rather tired of being tickled. 1.3096 0.03383 281 209 57 15
912 I will now play a piece from my boxed set. 1.3096 0.03494 281 212 51 18
913 I will now play a round by Johann Sebastian Box. 1.3095 0.03387 294 221 55 18
914 For an encore I will play Beethoven's Hammerklavier Sonata. 1.3095 0.03283 294 218 61 15
915 Tonight we present dueling pianos... 1.3095 0.03522 294 225 47 22
916 I shall now perform Beethoven's 10th Round Piano Concerto. 1.3095 0.03522 294 225 47 22
917 Does anyone else have any criticism? 1.3094 0.03445 278 208 54 16
918 This piece is dedicated to those that did not like my previous one 1.3093 0.03513 291 222 48 21
919 The second movement begins with delightful arpeggios and ends with an uppercut. 1.3093 0.03376 291 218 56 17
920 Who clapped? 1.3092 0.03504 262 195 53 14
921 And now, I shall perform my impressions of what some of you call "jazz". 1.3091 0.03393 275 204 57 14
922 And now I shall play for your listening pleasure a few pieces from my latest recording, ‘Atonal Bludgeoning Cacophony.’ 1.3090 0.03539 288 220 47 21
923 This is ridiculous. How do you possibly expect me to play the piano without my mouthpiece? 1.3090 0.03327 288 214 59 15
924 This next piece was composed by my cat, Barnabas. 1.3089 0.03816 259 200 38 21
925 He was told tickling the ivory is no longer workplace appropriate. 1.3088 0.03337 272 200 60 12
926 I said I’d play for a Grand, baby! Not play a baby-grand! 1.3086 0.03281 337 258 54 25
927 . . and I've taken the liberty of consolidating all individual notes so as to not offend the listener who might be sensitive to borrowed folk melodies of identifiable ethnicity. 1.3086 0.03442 269 200 55 14
928 Who said I play with a heavy hand​? 1.3085 0.03343 295 221 57 17
929 So I promised the composer not to pull any punches. 1.3085 0.03377 295 222 55 18
930 and now, Beethoven's Fist Symphony in C Minor... 1.3083 0.03627 266 202 46 18
931 This next number is a knock out. 1.3083 0.03666 266 203 44 19
932 This piano is going down by the second movement. 1.3083 0.03467 266 198 54 14
933 A piece titled, "The Next Election 1.3082 0.03469 292 222 50 20
934 I'm gonna add a little punch to this one 1.3080 0.03655 263 200 45 18
935 I'd like to pound out a few tunes. 1.3080 0.03281 289 214 61 14
936 This next one's an opus in ten rounds. 1.3079 0.03222 302 224 63 15
937 Tell the conductor I'm ready to punch it up a little. 1.3079 0.03356 302 228 55 19
938 And for my next piece, I'll add a blindfold as well! 1.3077 0.03243 299 222 62 15
939 I like to call this one, ,'You're Gonna B-flat-tened.' 1.3077 0.03484 286 217 50 19
940 Makes "hitting" those notes much easier. 1.3077 0.03243 299 222 62 15
941 My next song is The Boxer, by Simon and Garfunkle. 1.3077 0.03345 299 225 56 18
942 Didn’t you ask me to bang out a tune” 1.3077 0.03523 273 206 50 17
943 Next, "Dance of the Butterflies," by Muhammad Ali. 1.3077 0.03303 286 212 60 14
944 Please be quiet, or I’ll take the gloves off 1.3074 0.03270 309 232 59 18
945 And now, Balboa's variations on "Eine Kleine Knock-musik" 1.3074 0.03299 296 221 59 16
946 As soon as my opponent arrives, we can begin. 1.3074 0.03137 270 194 69 7
947 Let's knock out some tunes! 1.3072 0.03261 319 241 58 20
948 For my next attempt I will fight my way through Rachmaninoff's 3rd. 1.3072 0.03388 306 233 52 21
949 This next one's a knockout. 1.3071 0.03386 280 209 56 15
950 To start with, I'll just knock out a little sonata. 1.3071 0.03386 280 209 56 15
951 And now , I coulda been somebody concerto in A minor. 1.3071 0.03496 267 200 52 15
952 The melody could use a little more punch. 1.3071 0.03415 267 198 56 13
953 And for my second piece I will also be wearing handcuffs. 1.3071 0.03456 267 199 54 14
954 My next piece is by Johann Sebastian Boxer. 1.3070 0.03279 329 251 55 23
955 The gloves come off for the Rachmaninoff! 1.3069 0.03506 303 234 45 24
956 LIMERICK: There was a pianist named Billy...A heavy weight singer from Philly...His tunes packed a punch...And he delivered a bunch...But personally, I found them silly. 1.3069 0.03308 290 216 59 15
957 I’m told this next piece is a knockout. 1.3069 0.03483 290 221 49 20
958 Next comes a number that only a two-year-old will appreciate. 1.3069 0.03379 290 218 55 17
959 I will now perform Mike Tyson's concerto in B flat. 1.3069 0.03551 290 223 45 22
960 Next - Michael Jackson's "Beat It" 1.3069 0.03372 277 206 57 14
961 I now present a new piece entitled "Modern Diplomacy." 1.3067 0.03434 300 229 50 21
962 That's the last time I schedule a concert on Boxing Day. 1.3067 0.03369 300 227 54 19
963 And now, by Rimsky-Korsakov, The Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.3066 0.03402 287 216 54 17
964 This is a heavyweight sonata 1.3066 0.03142 287 209 68 10
965 Next, I shall perform George Foreman's Symphony in A Minor 1.3066 0.03508 287 219 48 20
966 This next piece is another punchy little number. 1.3066 0.03402 287 216 54 17
967 Tickling the ivories is not enough for me. 1.3066 0.03316 274 202 60 12
968 I'll knock out a quick tune. 1.3066 0.03435 274 205 54 15
969 They call him the Manassa Mahler 1.3065 0.03418 310 238 49 23
970 Hey, don't laugh. It's a lot easier than Chief of Staff. 1.3063 0.03498 284 216 49 19
971 Go ahead,ask me if I'll play Misty for you. 1.3063 0.03538 271 205 49 17
972 This next one is by Rockymaninoff 1.3062 0.03534 258 193 51 14
973 My next piece is George Foreman's concerto for pianos with really fat keys. 1.3060 0.03523 281 214 48 19
974 My playing style is known to be rather aggressive. 1.3060 0.03242 317 239 59 19
975 _Pass the tip jar and the gloves come off. 1.3060 0.03525 268 202 50 16
976 And now, selections from "The Ring Cycle." 1.3058 0.03400 278 208 55 15
977 I forgot the punch line! 1.3058 0.03657 278 215 41 22
978 For my next selection I will play "Fight of the Bumblebees" 1.3058 0.03586 278 213 45 20
979 To close, a traditional Boxing Day tune. 1.3055 0.03424 275 206 54 15
980 Next, a tune I composed in tribute to Muhammed Ali, Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.3055 0.03538 275 209 48 18
981 Here's a song that packs a punch. 1.3055 0.03346 275 204 58 13
982 And now, a little something from Punchini. 1.3055 0.03576 275 210 46 19
983 Don't prejudge." 1.3054 0.03280 298 223 59 16
984 How do you expect me to play without sheet music? 1.3053 0.03191 285 209 65 11
985 And now a tune by Henry “Boom Boom” Mancini. 1.3051 0.03527 272 206 49 17
986 Next I'll perform Rockymaninoff's arrangement of Bach's concerto 1.3051 0.03527 272 206 49 17
987 I went to a tough music school. The keys were black and blue. But seriously, take my arranger. Please! 1.3050 0.03648 259 197 45 17
988 The next number is a real hit song. 1.3050 0.03584 282 217 44 21
989 I'm waiting for the opening bell. 1.3050 0.03403 282 212 54 16
990 ARE ... YOU ... READY...TO ........GLISSANDO!!!!! 1.3050 0.03477 282 214 50 18
991 Ladies and gentlemen, I plan to do more than just "tickle the ivories." 1.3048 0.03310 269 198 60 11
992 My next number will be The Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.3048 0.03463 292 223 49 20
993 And now a punchy tune 1.3048 0.03359 292 220 55 17
994 Ladies and gentlemen, let me knock out a little number for you. 1.3048 0.03191 315 236 62 17
995 And now the hard way. 1.3047 0.03610 279 215 43 21
996 The record shows I took the blows And did it my way 1.3047 0.03502 279 212 49 18
997 Don't worry, I can Handel myself 1.3047 0.03389 279 209 55 15
998 I thought I’d punch up this last number just a bit. 1.3045 0.03459 266 199 53 14
999 This next piece will be very hit and miss 1.3045 0.03080 312 230 69 13
1000 It's called Bach-sing. 1.3045 0.03368 312 239 51 22
1001 I was told to take a dive in the third cadenza. 1.3043 0.03255 276 203 62 11
1002 Any more requests ,except "go to hell"? 1.3043 0.03324 322 247 52 23
1003 And now a song that floats like Madame Butterfly and stings like the Flight of the Bumblebee 1.3043 0.03305 299 225 57 17
1004 What? I got tired of tickling them. 1.3043 0.03130 299 220 67 12
1005 I will next do battle with Rachmaninoff's No. 3 1.3042 0.03369 286 215 55 16
1006 And now for a little not music. 1.3039 0.03318 283 211 58 14
1007 My next piece is Chopin's Noc-out-turne opus 9 1.3038 0.03183 316 237 62 17
1008 Please have patience as I fight my way through the always difficult Rachmaninoff 3rd piano concerto. 1.3038 0.03337 316 242 52 22
1009 Sir, I submit that you would not know a fugue if it hit you in the face. 1.3038 0.03349 293 221 55 17
1010 What? You've never seen Bach-sing gloves? 1.3038 0.03618 293 229 39 25
1011 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, I don't plan to tickle the ivories as much as smash 'em to bits. 1.3037 0.03502 270 204 50 16
1012 And now a contemporary rendition of Schoenberg's transcription of LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" 1.3036 0.03405 303 232 50 21
1013 You said pugilisimo, right? 1.3036 0.03491 280 213 49 18
1014 Are you sure about this, Mr. Cage? 1.3036 0.03563 280 215 45 20
1015 I shall now play my interpretation of Beethoven’s Hammerklavier sonata. 1.3036 0.03704 280 219 37 24
1016 And now a little something from the Ring Cycle. 1.3035 0.03266 313 237 57 19
1017 Let's see you bring your booing up here. 1.3034 0.03477 290 222 48 20
1018 This next piece I composed for Boxing Day. 1.3032 0.03479 277 210 50 17
1019 This next piece is called 'Ode to Percussion' 1.3032 0.03364 277 207 56 14
1020 Float like a butterfly Sting like a B major 1.3032 0.03479 277 210 50 17
1021 This piece will knock you out. 1.3031 0.03211 287 212 63 12
1022 They laughed when I sat down at the piano. 1.3030 0.03451 297 228 48 21
1023 You want me to come in one measure after the bell, right? 1.3029 0.03243 307 231 59 17
1024 I gift from my piano teacher just moment ago. 1.3029 0.03466 307 238 45 24
1025 And now...."Flight of the Butterfly/Sting like a B flat." 1.3029 0.03504 274 208 49 17
1026 And now Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata...molto pugilissimo! 1.3029 0.03466 274 207 51 16
1027 This is a lessor known but musically athletic Bach piece, the poundo and feud in three rounds. 1.3029 0.03504 274 208 49 17
1028 Next I'm going to knock out a few favorites... 1.3028 0.03346 284 213 56 15
1029 I thought you said Box Prelude and Fugue. 1.3028 0.03562 284 219 44 21
1030 I coulda been a concerto. 1.3027 0.03408 294 224 51 19
1031 This next one goes out to ADRIAAAAAAN! 1.3024 0.03432 291 222 50 19
1032 We take "dueling pianos" very seriously. 1.3023 0.03286 301 227 57 17
1033 Tickling got me nowhere. 1.3023 0.03418 301 231 49 21
1034 And now, I will sock it to you. 1.3023 0.03305 258 189 60 9
1035 I predict it will end in the sixth measure." 1.3022 0.03354 278 208 56 14
1036 My next piece is by Rocky Marcianinoff 1.3022 0.03505 278 212 48 18
1037 And now, for your enjoyment....The Ring Cycle. 1.3022 0.03542 278 213 46 19
1038 This next number will be a real knockout. 1.3022 0.03315 278 207 58 13
1039 That coulda been a concerto. 1.3021 0.03559 288 223 43 22
1040 And finally, the punchline. 1.3021 0.03421 288 219 51 18
1041 That was the fury, now comes the sound. 1.3019 0.03503 265 200 50 15
1042 My teacher said it's time to take the gloves off. 1.3018 0.03531 275 210 47 18
1043 They told me to come up with a punchy number. 1.3018 0.03455 275 208 51 16
1044 This is a little something my three-year-old wrote... 1.3015 0.03403 262 195 55 12
1045 Rondo Two! 1.3015 0.03445 262 196 53 13
1046 I guess I can try to knock out some tunes! 1.3014 0.03358 282 212 55 15
1047 This next piece will be performed in 12 rounds. 1.3013 0.03174 302 225 63 14
1048 What do you mean there's no punchline? 1.3011 0.03584 269 206 45 18
1049 I dare you to cough one more time! 1.3010 0.03446 289 221 49 19
1050 Now I’d like to pummel my own interpretation of ‘Rhapsody in Black and Blue’.” 1.3008 0.03626 256 195 45 16
1051 I'm sure you'll all recognise my next song, it has a ring to it. 1.3008 0.03572 266 203 46 17
1052 I present my new composition "Trumps attempts to hit the right chords" 1.3007 0.03630 276 214 41 21
1053 I thought the conductor said he wanted a little more punch? 1.3007 0.03328 276 206 57 13
1054 The first number I'll be playing this evening is going to sound like hell. 1.3007 0.03505 286 220 46 20
1055 Once more, with feeling 1.3004 0.03568 253 191 48 14
1056 For my final piece I'd like to play Schubert's Four Impromptus D899 but I can't. So instead I'll just beat the crap out of this thing. 1.3004 0.03639 263 202 43 18
1057 And, for the final match, it’s me against Steinway. 1.3004 0.03391 273 205 54 14
1058 Next, the World Premiere of "Get Your Ass Out of Bed!" composed this afternoon by my very own wife. 1.3004 0.03546 273 209 46 18
1059 And now for a piece that sounds like something a toddler could play. 1.3004 0.03348 283 213 55 15
1060 Potential hecklers should take note... 1.3004 0.03234 283 210 61 12
1061 Prepare to be knocked out! 1.3003 0.03130 303 225 65 13
1062 This next piece was composed by a 2 yr. old with no formal training. 1.3000 0.03534 270 206 47 17
1063 The next piece is dedicated to my ex-wife who said I wasn't masculine enough. 1.3000 0.03447 280 213 50 17
1064 I really don't think it's been properly tuned 1.3000 0.03216 280 207 62 11
1065 I will begin with Rhapsody in Ear Flat by Mike Tyson. 1.3000 0.03470 290 223 47 20
1066 They said my performance was a knockout! 1.3000 0.03216 280 207 62 11
1067 And now, my rendition of the theme song from "Rocky". 1.3000 0.03668 260 200 42 18
1068 I Am The Greatest! 1.3000 0.03295 280 209 58 13
1069 After all, the piano is a percussion instrument. 1.2997 0.03388 287 218 52 17
1070 Tickling the ivories! I think not. 1.2996 0.03440 267 201 52 14
1071 This next piece will knock you out! 1.2996 0.03399 267 200 54 13
1072 Too punchy? 1.2993 0.03258 304 230 57 17
1073 Tonight, I'll be going fifteeen rounds with the Schoenberg. 1.2993 0.03324 304 232 53 19
1074 Any requests for "Fight of the Bumblebee?" 1.2993 0.03116 294 217 66 11
1075 YOU FORGOT THE BLINDFOLD. 1.2993 0.03825 274 218 30 26
1076 And now a selection from Madame Float-like-a-Butterfly. 1.2990 0.03303 311 238 53 20
1077 I had to fight my way to the top. 1.2990 0.03346 301 230 52 19
1078 And now, Eine Kleine Nacht Out Musi 1.2989 0.03599 271 209 43 19
1079 And now I will play, "The Fight of the Bumblebee " 1.2989 0.03444 271 205 51 15
1080 I would ask that you suspend disbelief 1.2989 0.03364 271 203 55 13
1081 Next, I'll play you a punchy little tune. 1.2989 0.03323 271 202 57 12
1082 And now a new take on a classic: "Beating You Senseless With My Song." 1.2989 0.03533 261 198 48 15
1083 For my next selection, I will play the 'Theme from Rocky'. 1.2988 0.03757 251 194 39 18
1084 Gimme a mandatory eight count. 1.2987 0.03196 298 223 61 14
1085 Some people said my hands were too small to play piano. Not true. I'm a very good player. Nobody better than me at piano... 1.2987 0.03335 298 227 53 18
1086 This is Stravinsky - Symphony in three rounds. 1.2987 0.03231 298 224 59 15
1087 The following selection will be played in B-flatten. 1.2986 0.03378 288 219 52 17
1088 'We're now going to take the gloves off.' 1.2986 0.03307 278 208 57 13
1089 How better to pound the ivories? 1.2984 0.03560 258 196 47 15
1090 And now for my next piece, ‘Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee.’ 1.2984 0.03725 258 200 39 19
1091 I call this one, 'Fight of the Bumblebees'. 1.2984 0.03314 305 233 53 19
1092 A Paul Simon song, sir ? Any one in particular ? 1.2983 0.03459 295 228 46 21
1093 For my next number I would like to play a new composition I call "The Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.2982 0.03291 285 214 57 14
1094 I think you will all recognize the theme from "Requiem for a Heavyweight." 1.2982 0.03290 275 205 58 12
1095 I think you'll all recognize this Paul Simon tune. 1.2982 0.03524 275 211 46 18
1096 And now a little number by Schoenberg—please feel free to hum along. 1.2980 0.03466 302 235 44 23
1097 If the bartender is listening, I'm ready for another round. 1.2980 0.03236 302 228 58 16
1098 Wait, downbeat? I thought you said beat-down. 1.2979 0.03380 292 223 51 18
1099 'I'll knock out a few melodies." 1.2979 0.03275 282 211 58 13
1100 For my next selection, I'm going to play 'Chopsticks' again. Anybody got a problem with that? 1.2978 0.03511 272 208 47 17
1101 And now, the lovely Sonata in G-flat, composed by Michael Tyson 1.2977 0.03479 262 198 50 14
1102 It’s not as delicate a piece as one might think. 1.2977 0.03291 299 227 55 17
1103 Now here's one from a real heavyweight. 1.2977 0.03257 299 226 57 16
1104 For tonight's encore, I am pleased to present to you 'Fight of the Bumblebee' 1.2975 0.03336 279 210 55 14
1105 This next piece packs quite a punch 1.2975 0.03374 279 211 53 15
1106 Let’s get ready to RE-CI-TAAAAL! 1.2974 0.03576 269 207 44 18
1107 I will now pound out my favorite Soussa march. 1.2973 0.03172 296 221 62 13
1108 OSHA regulations. 1.2972 0.03391 286 218 51 17
1109 Get ready for my latest hit... 1.2972 0.03355 286 217 53 16
1110 A method pianist prepares to play the score of Rocky. 1.2971 0.03320 276 207 56 13
1111 And it sounds a little something like this.... 1.2971 0.03359 276 208 54 14
1112 Heavy handed—me? 1.2969 0.03235 320 245 55 20
1113 And now, "Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.2968 0.03378 283 215 52 16
1114 I will now play something from my boxed set. 1.2967 0.03461 273 208 49 16
1115 Well, this is going to be rocky. 1.2967 0.03415 300 232 47 21
1116 This number will be a knockout! 1.2966 0.03186 327 250 57 20
1117 All I’m asking is that you give me a fighting chance. 1.2966 0.03249 290 218 58 14
1118 Tonight I will be playing selections from Wagner’s Ring Cycle 1.2966 0.03393 290 222 50 18
1119 And now, a rarely heard Boxing Day carol. 1.2964 0.03439 280 214 49 17
1120 Float like a melody, sting like a B-flat. 1.2964 0.03044 280 204 69 7
1121 Yo, Hayydnnn! 1.2962 0.03381 287 219 51 17
1122 Paganini's Pugilisto In D Minor 1.2962 0.03364 260 194 55 11
1123 And now, Rachmaninov in three rounds. 1.2961 0.03149 304 228 62 14
1124 If Billy Joel claims to be the piano man one more time, I swear I'm going to deck him. 1.2960 0.03539 277 214 44 19
1125 Then what precisely DO you mean by "Punch it up a little"? 1.2960 0.03426 277 211 50 16
1126 Tonight the ivories have begged not to be tickled. 1.2959 0.03325 294 224 53 17
1127 I have A Minor problem 1.2959 0.03290 294 223 55 16
1128 Uhhh...I kinda lost a bet. 1.2959 0.03325 294 224 53 17
1129 Let's get ready to Handel 1.2956 0.03411 274 208 51 15
1130 I call this one Rach'em-Sock'em-Maninoff. 1.2955 0.03276 291 220 56 15
1131 This Flight of the Bumblebee is in honor of Muhammad Ali. 1.2955 0.03418 291 224 48 19
1132 And now, Shostakovich’s Piano Concerto No.2, as if played by your two year old niece. 1.2955 0.03539 264 202 46 16
1133 I'm making Mozart great again. 1.2954 0.03574 281 219 41 21
1134 Tonight I'll begin with the Fight of the Bumble Bees. 1.2954 0.03354 281 213 53 15
1135 And my next song is sure to be a hit! 1.2951 0.03406 288 221 49 18
1136 Should anyone in the audience fail to appreciate this beautiful musical piece, I must advise you that there will be consequences. 1.2950 0.03377 278 211 52 15
1137 I call this next number "The Critic's Face". 1.2950 0.03490 278 214 46 18
1138 I apologize, the gloves proved much more difficult to take off than to put on. 1.2950 0.03259 278 208 58 12
1139 I think I'm on the wrong stage. 1.2949 0.03094 312 234 64 14
1140 And now for the Cantata Pugilisto 1.2947 0.03394 285 218 50 17
1141 And now, the theme from ‘Rocky’ as it was originally composed... 1.2947 0.03430 285 219 48 18
1142 For my next piece...the theme from Rocky 1.2945 0.03591 275 214 41 20
1143 And now, Rockymaninoff 's concerto #2 1.2945 0.03553 275 213 43 19
1144 This is a little tune I learned when I studied under Sonny Liston 1.2945 0.03157 292 218 62 12
1145 My next number will be in the key of E, G, and C. 1.2945 0.03476 292 227 44 21
1146 And a little bit softer now... 1.2943 0.03418 282 216 49 17
1147 Round three goes something like this. 1.2943 0.03343 282 214 53 15
1148 And now, something a little more lightweight. 1.2943 0.03109 282 208 65 9
1149 And now, an interpretation of Liszt based on my true feelings. 1.2943 0.03284 299 228 54 17
1150 Trust me, this next piece was a real knockout at my last recital 1.2941 0.03288 289 219 55 15
1151 And now one of Schönberg's more challenging pieces... 1.2941 0.03535 289 226 41 22
1152 It was at this moment he realized delivering a knockout performance did not require boxing gloves. 1.2941 0.03325 289 220 53 16
1153 How do you folks feel about tone clusters? 1.2939 0.03200 296 223 59 14
1154 This next piece is going to be a little punchier 1.2937 0.03151 303 228 61 14
1155 My insurance carrier insists I take special care to protect my hands since my career depends on it. 1.2937 0.03562 252 192 46 14
1156 And now, the Hammerklavier Sonata like it's never been hammered before. 1.2935 0.03257 293 222 56 15
1157 Folks, this won't be my usual performance. I'm not wearing any pants tonight. 1.2935 0.03505 276 213 45 18
1158 Just how fortissimo do you want it? 1.2935 0.03351 276 209 53 14
1159 I see you're as confused as I am. 1.2935 0.03390 276 210 51 15
1160 I just knocked this last piece out last night. 1.2933 0.03342 300 231 50 19
1161 This next piece is a technical knockout. 1.2933 0.03218 283 212 59 12
1162 And Now Tyson's Ninf Symphony 1.2933 0.03480 283 219 45 19
1163 Having defeated all challengers, I will now continue with the Chopin. 1.2933 0.03370 283 216 51 16
1164 Good evening folks....Thought I'd belt out a tune for you. 1.2932 0.02993 266 192 70 4
1165 Here's a little number I punched out this morning. 1.2932 0.03434 266 202 50 14
1166 And now for my box set..... 1.2932 0.03590 249 190 45 14
1167 And now, my interpretation of Wagner's "The Ring." 1.2932 0.03157 307 232 60 15
1168 Now for the main event, ... 1.2932 0.03123 307 231 62 14
1169 Here's a punchy tune I wrote to celebrate the Senate Judiciary Committee Hearings 1.2931 0.03456 290 225 45 20
1170 This rendition will really knock you out. 1.2931 0.03242 290 219 57 14
1171 Sit back and relax while I pummel the ivories. 1.2930 0.03414 273 208 50 15
1172 Ladies and Gentlemen, Rockymaninoff No. 3. 1.2930 0.03300 314 243 50 21
1173 I'm still working on the hook. 1.2929 0.03296 297 227 53 17
1174 Next I'll play a John Cage adaption of the theme from the movie "Rocky". 1.2928 0.03542 263 202 45 16
1175 I'm hoping to be saved by the bell. 1.2928 0.03107 304 228 63 13
1176 And now, here's one for you lovers of polytonality.... 1.2927 0.03374 287 220 50 17
1177 This one is by Rockymaninov. 1.2927 0.03301 287 218 54 15
1178 And now, a new piece by John Cage... 1.2926 0.03595 270 210 41 19
1179 Power chords are my forté! 1.2924 0.03197 301 228 58 15
1180 The first movement is to be played ‘molto aggressivo.’ 1.2923 0.03323 284 216 53 15
1181 This next piece I call, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a Bee-thoven." 1.2923 0.03433 284 219 47 18
1182 It is the best way to keep my hands insured. 1.2923 0.03285 284 215 55 14
1183 I will now play a version of "Flight of the Bumblebee" , that I have restyled as "Romp of the Hippopotamus" 1.2923 0.03397 284 218 49 17
1184 I'll just knock out a quick sonata before dinner. 1.2922 0.03247 308 236 54 18
1185 I have entitled this next piece: Dischord 1.2921 0.03269 291 221 55 15
1186 Is there someone who can read music and turn pages for me? 1.2921 0.03120 291 217 63 11
1187 Well, tickling the ivories wasn't working! 1.2921 0.03229 315 242 54 19
1188 I felt this tune needed some punch! 1.2920 0.03403 274 209 50 15
1189 And finally, I'd like to knock out a few." 1.2920 0.03403 274 209 50 15
1190 Now here's a little ditty from my boxed set. 1.2920 0.03324 274 207 54 13
1191 This next piece was composed by my toddler 1.2919 0.03355 298 230 49 19
1192 Tickling the ivories, has never been my forte. 1.2919 0.03146 298 224 61 13
1193 I will now play the Theme from Rocky...badly. 1.2919 0.03355 298 230 49 19
1194 I call this next one 'Beethoven's Fists.' 1.2919 0.03355 298 230 49 19
1195 Mind if I punch out a tune? 1.2919 0.03036 298 221 67 10
1196 What?? No, the contract definitely said glove songs... 1.2918 0.03566 281 220 40 21
1197 This is the best way I have found to knock out a tune. 1.2918 0.03150 281 209 62 10
1198 This evening instead of tickling the ivories I will be punching them. 1.2917 0.03254 288 218 56 14
1199 Next up, the Theme from Rocky. 1.2915 0.03388 271 206 51 14
1200 Now I will play the theme from the movie Rocky. 1.2915 0.03467 271 208 47 16
1201 Yo Adrian!!!! This one's for you. 1.2915 0.03507 271 209 45 17
1202 And for my final number, I present Concerto: The Thrilla in Manila, Round 4, in B flat 1.2914 0.03082 302 226 64 12
1203 At your request: Tyson's "Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.2914 0.03407 278 213 49 16
1204 This is the point in the program at which I respond to requests for "Feelings" or "Piano Man". 1.2913 0.03205 309 236 56 17
1205 For my encore I will play Opus 7 in A, B and C Major 1.2911 0.03343 316 247 46 23
1206 Raymond is undefeated in the spinet division but now faces a big challenge in a higher weight class. 1.2911 0.03295 292 223 53 16
1207 And now, Balboa's piano concerto in C, B, B flat, A, A flat and G" 1.2911 0.03536 292 230 39 23
1208 Wasn't the program Rockymaninoff? 1.2911 0.03366 292 225 49 18
1209 No, this is NOT to compensate for small hands. 1.2910 0.03453 268 205 48 15
1210 For my next piece, I will explore the roots of the piano as a percussion instrument. 1.2910 0.03371 268 203 52 13
1211 And now a special arrangement of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. 1.2908 0.03259 282 213 56 13
1212 For an encore, I've chosen to knock out a few bars of Beethoven's Ninth. 1.2907 0.03045 313 235 65 13
1213 Good Evening Folks, this is the first time I've played at a "Fight Club." 1.2907 0.03368 258 194 53 11
1214 A pugilistic concerto in B flat. Round one. 1.2907 0.03412 258 195 51 12
1215 Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. I’m Down for the Count Basie! 1.2907 0.03412 258 195 51 12
1216 I will now play 'Temper Tantrum in C Minor'. 1.2907 0.03207 289 218 58 13
1217 It needed the right hook. 1.2907 0.03353 289 222 50 17
1218 Doesn’t”matter now if it’s tuned or not. 1.2906 0.03599 265 206 41 18
1219 And now... “Make America Great Again!” 1.2906 0.03559 265 205 43 17
1220 And now, Requiem for a Heavyweight for piano and gloves! 1.2906 0.03478 265 203 47 15
1221 I'll start on the count of three and stop on the count of ten. 1.2905 0.03157 296 223 60 13
1222 Let me knock out a number for you! 1.2903 0.03358 279 213 51 15
1223 The ivories aren't being tickled tonight. 1.2902 0.03340 286 219 51 16
1224 This next piece is called Holidays at the In-Laws." 1.2902 0.03569 255 196 44 15
1225 My next selection is Beethoven's "Hammerklavier" 1.2901 0.03285 293 224 53 16
1226 The insurance on my fingers was outrageous! 1.2901 0.03285 293 224 53 16
1227 We shall now experience the atonal grandeur of the Rocky Variations. 1.2899 0.03303 276 209 54 13
1228 Anyone else got any smart remarks ? 1.2899 0.03421 276 212 48 16
1229 I would like to play now a little something composed by the late Marquess of Queensberry. 1.2899 0.03534 276 215 42 19
1230 Unfortunately, the necessity of dealing with hecklers has placed certain…constraints…on my artistry. 1.2898 0.03509 283 221 42 20
1231 I am also Blind! 1.2897 0.03307 290 222 52 16
1232 I will now play some Black & Blues. 1.2896 0.03254 297 227 54 16
1233 And now, reimagined for pianoforte, the theme from Rocky. 1.2896 0.03391 297 231 46 20
1234 Oh, ho, yes, I’m the great contender. 1.2895 0.03425 266 203 49 14
1235 Next, my take on the theme from "Rocky." 1.2894 0.03284 311 241 50 20
1236 Personally, I thought it was a knock-out performance. 1.2894 0.03244 273 205 57 11
1237 And now, I will do a rendition of "The Boxer," by Simon & Garfunkel. 1.2894 0.03326 273 207 53 13
1238 Well, this is unique. In the last one I was naked! 1.2892 0.03402 287 222 47 18
1239 And now Bach’s Golden Glove Variations. 1.2890 0.03325 301 233 49 19
1240 And now for Round 2 of tonight's performance. 1.2890 0.03141 308 234 59 15
1241 I call this 'Fight of the Bumblebee'. 1.2888 0.03523 277 216 42 19
1242 Let me give you a tune with some punch! 1.2887 0.03277 284 216 54 14
1243 Yes, it's a fight song! 1.2887 0.03122 284 212 62 10
1244 Here’s a little something for all you boxing fans”. 1.2887 0.03403 291 226 46 19
1245 Chopin Piano Concerto, round 3. 1.2886 0.03102 298 224 62 12
1246 Nobody talks during my performance. 1.2885 0.03433 260 198 49 13
1247 I shall now play Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like A Bee Flat 1.2885 0.03306 312 243 48 21
1248 I just got tired of tickling the ivories... 1.2884 0.03201 267 199 59 9
1249 Let's get ready to Pianooo! 1.2883 0.03434 274 211 47 16
1250 My next piece is played fortissississimo. 1.2883 0.03523 281 220 41 20
1251 I’m all thumbs tonight. 1.2883 0.03299 281 214 53 14
1252 My encore is a real knockout! 1.2883 0.03450 281 218 45 18
1253 'I will now play 'Silent Night'. 1.2882 0.03497 288 226 41 21
1254 And I'm wearing flippers. 1.2881 0.03266 295 226 53 16
1255 I've never butchered a tune in my life. Bruised one, occasionally. 1.2881 0.02970 295 218 69 8
1256 No, Dad. I told you before: I want to play piano. 1.2881 0.03195 295 224 57 14
1257 An now, a medley of “Rocky” theme songs. 1.2880 0.03150 316 242 57 17
1258 This is for the table that requested the theme from “Rocky”! 1.2879 0.03324 257 193 54 10
1259 Here comes the hook. 1.2879 0.03397 264 201 50 13
1260 Boxing. It helps me think outside of the piano. 1.2878 0.03498 271 210 44 17
1261 Before I take the gloves off are there any requests? 1.2878 0.03213 271 203 58 10
1262 Let's get rrready to rrrubato! 1.2878 0.03322 278 212 52 14
1263 We'll have a brief intermission while I decide my future. 1.2878 0.03512 278 217 42 19
1264 And now, Muhammad Ali's fifth symphony. 1.2877 0.03415 285 221 46 18
1265 And now, my Concerto in A-B-C-D-E-F-G minor." 1.2877 0.03229 285 216 56 13
1266 Any requests for another Round? 1.2877 0.03323 292 225 50 17
1267 I would like to now play a piece by Rocky Maninoff. 1.2877 0.03323 292 225 50 17
1268 Unlike Phillip Glass, I’m a maximist. I hit as many keys as I can at once. 1.2876 0.03235 299 229 54 16
1269 Now, my rendition of Fight of the Bumble Bee. 1.2873 0.03423 275 212 47 16
1270 For my next piece, I shall float like a butterfly and sting in the key of B flat. 1.2873 0.03384 275 211 49 15
1271 I present to you now a finale that floats like Madame Butterfly yet stings like Flight of the Bumblebee. 1.2872 0.03365 282 217 49 16
1272 And now, a recently discovered composition by John Cage. 1.2872 0.03476 282 220 43 19
1273 I love playing Beethoven's 'Hammerklavier Sonata' 1.2872 0.03123 289 217 61 11
1274 And now, by request, LaMotta Sonata. 1.2871 0.03306 303 235 49 19
1275 Welcome to Fight Club. 1.2868 0.03403 258 196 50 12
1276 This one's from the boxed set. 1.2868 0.03591 265 207 40 18
1277 My next selection is a real knockout. 1.2868 0.03428 265 203 48 14
1278 I said I could punch out a tune. 1.2868 0.03287 272 206 54 12
1279 I call this one, “A Fistful of Keys.” 1.2867 0.03272 279 212 54 13
1280 This next number will be a little Rocky 1.2867 0.03350 279 214 50 15
1281 Actually, it's all in the technique. 1.2867 0.03278 293 225 52 16
1282 And now in the key of Ali. 1.2867 0.03294 300 232 50 18
1283 When I told the host of this show, I'd play for free, he said 'sure, knock yourself out.'" 1.2867 0.03226 300 230 54 16
1284 Let me welcome you to our annual Boxing Day concert 1.2866 0.03176 307 235 56 16
1285 Well, technique isn't everything. 1.2866 0.02937 335 253 68 14
1286 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Chopin and I will duke it out. 1.2863 0.03444 248 188 49 11
1287 And now, if I may, my rendition of “Hail to the Chief”. 1.2863 0.03815 262 210 29 23
1288 I am going to float like a butterfly and sting like a B major 1.2863 0.03495 262 202 45 15
1289 Wait until the gloves come off. 1.2862 0.03181 269 201 59 9
1290 Many of you know this from my box set. 1.2862 0.03334 276 211 51 14
1291 I could a been a contender... 1.2862 0.03295 276 210 53 13
1292 It's worse than it looks. They're thumbless gloves. 1.2862 0.03355 283 218 49 16
1293 This next round is from the work of TKOvsky 1.2862 0.03241 283 215 55 13
1294 Ladies and Gentlemen, I will now perform for you Ali's concerto in the keys of A,B,C , D and E. 1.2862 0.03202 283 214 57 12
1295 Oh, I'll hit the right note alright! 1.2862 0.03279 283 216 53 14
1296 This next selection is a real knockout. 1.2862 0.03300 290 223 51 16
1297 This next one is also by Stravinsky. 1.2862 0.03329 304 237 47 20
1298 Now for Chopin’s Etude in G# minor, Op.25; No.6 the hard way. 1.2857 0.03375 266 203 50 13
1299 Who tuned this? 1.2857 0.03499 266 206 44 16
1300 Let's see if you can guess who composed this piece." 1.2857 0.03514 273 213 42 18
1301 And now, my rendition of the "The Theme From Rocky'. 1.2857 0.03075 322 246 60 16
1302 Pianist!? I could've swore the classified sought a pugilist. 1.2857 0.03465 287 225 42 20
1303 Tonight, you’ll hear DeBussy with some punch! 1.2857 0.03112 301 228 60 13
1304 My next piece is in one-two time. 1.2857 0.03201 308 237 54 17
1305 Yes, I can do "Eye of the Tiger" 1.2857 0.03168 322 249 54 19
1306 *“Alas, ebony and ivory don’t always live together in perfect harmony.” 1.2853 0.03156 319 246 55 18
1307 I call the next piece "The Ring Cycle". 1.2853 0.03172 312 240 55 17
1308 Here's a punchy little etude... 1.2852 0.03058 298 224 63 11
1309 'The Boxer by Paul Simon." 1.2852 0.03167 298 227 57 14
1310 And now, for your listening pleasure, I will attempt chopsticks. 1.2852 0.03340 298 232 47 19
1311 ...in the key of b-c-d-e-f 1.2852 0.03306 298 231 49 18
1312 Anvil Chorus, anyone? 1.2852 0.03104 291 219 61 11
1313 I’m just going to knock-out this new piece for you. 1.2852 0.03290 291 224 51 16
1314 I think I misunderstood the phrase 'hitting the right notes'. 1.2852 0.03231 284 216 55 13
1315 Contrary to what others believe, Mr. Trump believes a pianist plays just as well with boxing gloves as without. While I don't expect to convince him, I will try to prove to others this just isn't true. 1.2852 0.03231 284 216 55 13
1316 This next song, is a total knock-out! 1.2852 0.03363 277 213 49 15
1317 There will be a 1 minute intermission between each of my 10 pieces. 1.2852 0.03363 277 213 49 15
1318 This next piece is a real knock out. 1.2852 0.03340 270 206 51 13
1319 I'm going to play Erik Satie's Aperçus désagréables for two gloved hands. 1.2848 0.03098 323 248 58 17
1320 Etude" by Muhammad Ali.. 1.2848 0.03269 316 247 48 21
1321 WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO KNOCKOUT ANOTHER TUNE? 1.2848 0.03241 302 233 52 17
1322 I'm hoping this will strike a chord with you. 1.2847 0.03294 295 228 50 17
1323 ...and now an original composition that I like to call "Thrilla in Manila" 1.2847 0.03223 295 226 54 15
1324 Just wait until I take the gloves off! 1.2847 0.03294 295 228 50 17
1325 I call this next piece, Ali vs. Frazier, in B minor. 1.2847 0.03275 288 221 52 15
1326 Why do I do this? Because I can't sing or dance. 1.2847 0.03330 281 216 50 15
1327 For this next piece you might want to turn down the volume on your cellphones. 1.2846 0.03447 267 206 46 15
1328 This one was my first big HIT! 1.2843 0.03310 306 239 47 20
1329 Now I will play, “Domm, Domm, Domm,...Dommmm.. 1.2843 0.03310 306 239 47 20
1330 I will now perform Beat It. 1.2843 0.03144 306 234 57 15
1331 I will now play "The Boxer" by Paul Simon. 1.2843 0.03193 299 229 55 15
1332 And for you Brits, "A Ballad for Boxing Day." 1.2843 0.03193 299 229 55 15
1333 I shall now play Bach in the combative style. 1.2842 0.03183 285 216 57 12
1334 The next piece will be a bit bombastic.... 1.2842 0.03259 285 218 53 14
1335 And now, I'll play selections from my box set. 1.2842 0.03407 285 222 45 18
1336 They call me Johann Sebastian Box. 1.2842 0.03104 285 214 61 10
1337 Oddsmakers have ebony over ivory in the third round . 1.2842 0.03391 278 215 47 16
1338 And now, an eight-count piece by Mauler 1.2842 0.03467 278 217 43 18
1339 This one's in the key of Knock You Flat. 1.2842 0.03353 278 214 49 15
1340 Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's piece is a real knock-out. 1.2842 0.03234 278 211 55 12
1341 Now, the punchier rendition . 1.2842 0.03274 278 212 53 13
1342 I'm afraid my performance will be a little rocky 1.2841 0.03567 271 213 39 19
1343 Rachmaninoff’s Concerto no. 2- twelfth round. 1.2841 0.03554 264 206 41 17
1344 Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2839 0.03435 310 247 38 25
1345 Box variations. 1.2839 0.03215 310 240 52 18
1346 Its Rimsky-Korsakov with a postmodern vibe: I call it "Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.2838 0.03299 303 236 48 19
1347 I'm really gonna pound this one out! 1.2838 0.03319 296 230 48 18
1348 And now, the theme song to 'Rocky' 1.2837 0.03302 289 223 50 16
1349 If you hum a few bars I can probably punch it out. 1.2837 0.03302 289 223 50 16
1350 Next will be my Mohammed Ali "Flight of the Butterfly" 1.2837 0.03302 289 223 50 16
1351 And now, I will batter the ivories. 1.2837 0.03357 282 218 48 16
1352 Welcome to our Boxng Day concert. 1.2837 0.03504 282 222 40 20
1353 My next piece consists of ten rounds. 1.2837 0.03394 282 219 46 17
1354 And then I realized, my fight with the music IS the music 1.2837 0.03394 282 219 46 17
1355 and now, I'll knock out one your old favorites. 1.2837 0.03281 282 216 52 14
1356 For this next piece, use of your mobile phones is encouraged. 1.2836 0.03376 275 212 48 15
1357 Brahms? A minor punch. Rachmaninov, fell flat. But Beethoven? Kills in the fifth. 1.2833 0.03253 300 232 51 17
1358 And next, the theme from Rocky. 1.2833 0.03410 293 230 43 20
1359 ...And in the right corner, hailing from the Steinway factory in Queens, weighing in at 1200 pounds, it's GRAND PIANO!!! 1.2833 0.03198 293 224 55 14
1360 Now I will do the piece I played for Harvard’s Admissions Committee. 1.2833 0.03270 293 226 51 16
1361 And now for the younger members of the audience, a few death metal classics. 1.2833 0.03306 293 227 49 17
1362 This combines the artistry of Joe Louis and Louis Armstrong. 1.2832 0.03249 286 219 53 14
1363 You should see the keys!! 1.2832 0.03264 279 213 53 13
1364 The theme from Rocky 1.2832 0.03380 279 216 47 16
1365 The latest OSHA regulation. 1.2832 0.03418 279 217 45 17
1366 let's hit it again 1.2831 0.03319 272 208 51 13
1367 It's an unfinished piece if anyone's cellphone goes off. 1.2830 0.03158 318 246 54 18
1368 Is my tie crooked? 1.2829 0.03256 304 236 50 18
1369 Today I shall be playing 'Concussion in fist major' 1.2829 0.03322 304 238 46 20
1370 Are you certain these are the same gloves Glenn Gould used? 1.2828 0.03309 297 231 48 18
1371 And now, my final number will just knock you out! 1.2828 0.03168 297 227 56 14
1372 And here's a knockout hit I wrote recently... 1.2828 0.03255 290 223 52 15
1373 I call this next piece, “The Fight of The Bumblebee “. 1.2828 0.03399 290 227 44 19
1374 And now, Madam Butterfly, Stings Like A Bee. 1.2828 0.03399 290 227 44 19
1375 You were right. This does sound a little better. 1.2827 0.03232 283 216 54 13
1376 This next piece is "'Requiem' for a Heavyweight," my homage to Mozart. 1.2827 0.03421 283 221 44 18
1377 I'm just not that in to melodies 1.2827 0.03193 283 215 56 12
1378 Now for my knockout piece as the encore. 1.2826 0.03163 276 208 58 10
1379 This next sonata is a real knock out. 1.2825 0.03300 269 205 52 12
1380 And now a tribute to the late great Muhammad Ali. 1.2825 0.03342 269 206 50 13
1381 Hey, it's flu season. 1.2824 0.03277 301 234 49 18
1382 I first learned my next number from my three year old. 1.2823 0.03260 294 227 51 16
1383 One note requests please. 1.2823 0.03260 294 227 51 16
1384 I used to play by ear. 1.2822 0.03562 287 229 35 23
1385 When you asked if I could pound the keys... 1.2822 0.03350 287 223 47 17
1386 this next piece is from "Rocky". 1.2822 0.03163 287 218 57 12
1387 And now for something 'molto energetico e furioso' ! 1.2822 0.03387 287 224 45 18
1388 In tune, but out of touch. 1.2822 0.03350 287 223 47 17
1389 And now, Ladies and Gentleman, I will take a stab at the notoriously difficult "Etude Brute." 1.2821 0.03332 280 216 49 15
1390 3, 2, 1... Hit It! 1.2821 0.03332 280 216 49 15
1391 Victor Borge in his final round 1.2821 0.03293 280 215 51 14
1392 And now I'd like to bang out a little ditty of my own... 1.2821 0.03086 319 245 58 16
1393 I will now perform Round 3. 1.2821 0.02963 312 235 66 11
1394 I will now play Sonata in B Flat by Mike Tyson. 1.2821 0.03197 312 242 52 18
1395 They're required by my insurance company. 1.2821 0.03268 273 208 53 12
1396 And now, the Dempsey Sonata 1.2819 0.03469 259 200 45 14
1397 And now, in memory of Rod Serling, Anthony Quinn, Jackie Gleason and Mickey Rooney: Requiem for a Heavyweight 1.2818 0.03058 291 219 62 10
1398 I will now play Rachy 3. 1.2818 0.03492 291 231 38 22
1399 This next work is entitled “Symphony in Three Rounds.” 1.2818 0.03172 291 222 56 13
1400 And now, for The Fight of the Bumblebee! 1.2818 0.03318 291 226 48 17
1401 My next piece really packs a punch. 1.2817 0.03105 284 214 60 10
1402 This one is called 'I'm gonna smash your face', in G minor. 1.2817 0.03482 284 224 40 20
1403 I will now play Box Prelude and Fugue in G Minor 1.2817 0.03482 284 224 40 20
1404 Which one of you yelled, 'I want the hits'? 1.2817 0.03261 284 218 52 14
1405 Good evening and welcome to 'Boxers Got Talent'! 1.2817 0.03299 284 219 50 15
1406 And now, Rockymanenough Piano Concerto no. 2 1.2816 0.03200 316 246 51 19
1407 The nightmare before the concert. 1.2816 0.03648 245 191 39 15
1408 This way I don't have to insure my hands. 1.2816 0.03276 277 212 52 13
1409 Ladies and gentlemen, The Palooka Polka. 1.2816 0.03432 277 216 44 17
1410 This next one has a hook that will be in your head for days. 1.2816 0.03355 277 214 48 15
1411 Now, I’d like to play you a selection of my greatest hits. 1.2816 0.03184 309 239 53 17
1412 I'll be playing Beethoven's Symphony No. 7 in A major. It may take awhile. 1.2815 0.03205 270 204 56 10
1413 Everyone now...supercali-pugilistic-expialidocious... 1.2815 0.03234 302 234 51 17
1414 And now for some Wagner. 1.2814 0.03179 295 226 55 14
1415 This will be 1812 like you've never heard. 1.2814 0.03142 295 225 57 13
1416 This time I'm not going to tickle the ivories! 1.2814 0.03068 295 223 61 11
1417 Would you care to join me in a round? 1.2814 0.03355 295 231 45 19
1418 And now, a couple of rounds with Shoenberg. 1.2812 0.03304 288 223 49 16
1419 And now a little piece I call the "The Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.2811 0.03397 281 219 45 17
1420 I'm in between careers. 1.2810 0.03068 306 233 60 13
1421 What does Beethoven being deaf have to do with it? 1.2810 0.03571 274 217 37 20
1422 My next selection is a Rockymaninoff 1.2810 0.03495 274 215 41 18
1423 My next number will be a one hit wonder. 1.2810 0.03338 274 211 49 14
1424 Begging your indulgence, my New Year's resolution is to stop biting my nails. 1.2809 0.03397 267 206 47 14
1425 This next number will really knock you out! 1.2808 0.03162 292 223 56 13
1426 I will now play for you a piece by Donald J. Trump called ‘Bing Bing Bong Bong’ 1.2808 0.03128 317 245 55 17
1427 This next piece may sound a little dissonant.... 1.2807 0.03135 285 216 58 11
1428 Chopsticks? 1.2807 0.03436 285 224 42 19
1429 And now I will perform"Horowitz at age 2" 1.2807 0.03326 285 221 48 16
1430 The next is a request from Mike Tyson 1.2806 0.03142 310 239 55 16
1431 And now, I shall play Beethoven's Fifth Round 1.2806 0.03102 278 209 60 9
1432 My counter punch is much better than my counter point. 1.2805 0.03292 303 237 47 19
1433 They told me it was Boxing Day. 1.2805 0.03121 303 232 57 14
1434 Despite his millions earned, Rocky Balboa eventually went baroque. 1.2804 0.03321 271 208 50 13
1435 For my next number, I will play the theme from "Rocky." 1.2804 0.03559 271 214 38 19
1436 I coulda had class. I coulda been a conductor. I coulda been somebody. Instead of a bum. Which is what I am. 1.2804 0.03311 296 231 47 18
1437 When was this piano tuned? 1.2804 0.03413 296 234 41 21
1438 In honor of Boxing Day . . . 1.2803 0.03421 264 204 46 14
1439 And now my tribute to Jerry Lee Lewis. 1.2803 0.03220 289 222 53 14
1440 It’s not The Fight of The Bumblebee? 1.2803 0.03401 289 227 43 19
1441 I thought they said pugilist. 1.2803 0.03257 289 223 51 15
1442 For this Inaugural Dance, I will now play I Did It My Way. 1.2803 0.03144 289 220 57 12
1443 This concert is off to a Rocky start. 1.2803 0.03106 289 219 59 11
1444 And now ladies and gentlemen, Tchaikovsky’s ‘Incompetent Piano Movers’ in G Minor. 1.2801 0.03294 307 241 46 20
1445 I'm a lover and a fighter. 1.2800 0.02995 300 226 64 10
1446 I will now perform a more faithful interpretation of "Baby Elephant Walk". 1.2800 0.03288 275 211 51 13
1447 I hope you enjoy this next number. I knocked it out last night. 1.2800 0.03280 300 234 48 18
1448 When I said I wanted to hit the ivories..." 1.2800 0.03105 325 252 55 18
1449 Sonata for two boxing gloves on three keys at a time, molto grandissimo. 1.2799 0.03259 268 204 53 11
1450 For my next selection, I will be playing the theme from "Rocky". 1.2797 0.03133 311 240 55 16
1451 This evening’s performance, of Tyson’s 1st, is also available on a box set. 1.2797 0.03241 286 220 52 14
1452 And now, in the key of B flat, the theme from Rocky 1.2797 0.03316 286 222 48 16
1453 What did you think "Ring Cycle" meant? 1.2797 0.03316 286 222 48 16
1454 I think you'll agree this next tune is a real knockout. 1.2797 0.03179 261 196 57 8
1455 And now, a special request from my piano professor. 1.2796 0.03147 304 234 55 15
1456 I don’t exactly tickle the ivories anymore. 1.2796 0.03295 279 215 50 14
1457 Real men don't tickle the ivories. 1.2796 0.03410 279 218 44 17
1458 Ladies and gentlemen, we are recording tonight's performance which, I expect, will be released as a boxed set. 1.2796 0.03334 279 216 48 15
1459 And for my next selection, a round. 1.2796 0.03410 279 218 44 17
1460 It is the insurance company's rule. 1.2795 0.03232 297 230 51 16
1461 Remember students, always practice safe sax, and don't forget to put a glove on your pianist. 1.2793 0.03426 290 229 41 20
1462 It worked for my cat. 1.2793 0.03247 290 224 51 15
1463 ...and for my next piece I will play “Bling Blong Blaap Blorp” in C-minor 1.2793 0.03356 290 227 45 18
1464 Now, a new work, “Brexit Compromise,” in B flat minor. 1.2792 0.03533 265 208 40 17
1465 My next piece is titled 'Yo Adriana' " 1.2792 0.03413 283 222 43 18
1466 I will be playing fight of the bumblebee. 1.2790 0.03357 276 214 47 15
1467 I will now play 'Sonata in D minor', by George Foreman. 1.2790 0.03317 276 213 49 14
1468 A copy of my new album to whoever guesses what I'm playing 1.2789 0.03253 294 228 50 16
1469 The ivory is going to be black and blue after I'm done with it 1.2789 0.03144 294 225 56 13
1470 No dad, I'm giving up on your dream 1.2788 0.03092 312 240 57 15
1471 Why tickle the ivories? Pound them with passion! 1.2787 0.03077 287 217 60 10
1472 I would now like to play Ravel's "Concerto for No Hands." 1.2787 0.03104 305 234 57 14
1473 I call this next piece 'Fight of the Jumbled Keys'. 1.2786 0.03434 262 203 45 14
1474 Tonight I will perform "Fight of the bumblebees" 1.2786 0.03361 280 218 46 16
1475 And now, as requested, the theme from Rocky... 1.2785 0.03222 298 231 51 16
1476 This next piece is called "the fight of the bumble bees". 1.2785 0.03291 298 233 47 18
1477 They said the keys would be larger 1.2785 0.03065 316 243 58 15
1478 I float like DeBussy and sting like Rimsky-Korsakov 1.2784 0.03420 273 213 44 16
1479 I invite you to sing along while I punch out a few notes. 1.2784 0.03217 273 208 54 11
1480 My next piece is a real knockout. 1.2784 0.03175 273 207 56 10
1481 Now for a thumping good tune 1.2784 0.03126 291 222 57 12
1482 I'm working on my fortissimos. 1.2784 0.03163 291 223 55 13
1483 And now for round three. 1.2783 0.03076 309 237 58 14
1484 This song was composed by my two year old son on the pots and pans. 1.2782 0.03743 248 197 33 18
1485 I think this piece will really knock you out, folks." 1.2782 0.03471 248 191 45 12
1486 This will be on the forte end of pianoforte, okay?" 1.2782 0.03314 266 204 50 12
1487 That was John Cage. Any questions? 1.2782 0.03481 266 208 42 16
1488 No hitting below b-flat 1.2782 0.03253 284 219 51 14
1489 And now for "The Boxer" by Paul Simon. 1.2780 0.03460 259 201 44 14
1490 Does anybody dare to make a request? 1.2780 0.03282 259 197 52 10
1491 Hey, I can knock out a tune with the best of them 1.2780 0.03460 259 201 44 14
1492 The next piece will be three minutes long. 1.2780 0.03236 259 196 54 9
1493 Roll over, Beethoven. 1.2780 0.03503 259 202 42 15
1494 I call this The Pugilissimo. 1.2780 0.03282 259 197 52 10
1495 And now, a visual depiction of writer's block. 1.2780 0.03134 295 226 56 13
1496 Next up is a really punchy tune. 1.2780 0.03097 295 225 58 12
1497 It's the only way I can make it through John Cage's 4'33" without playing a wrong note. 1.2780 0.03382 295 233 42 20
1498 I range from Marvin Hamlisch to Marvin Hagler. 1.2780 0.03171 295 227 54 14
1499 And now, our alma mater's fight song. 1.2780 0.03181 313 244 51 18
1500 And for the next song from my new boxed set . . . 1.2778 0.03095 306 235 57 14
1501 Oh, you meant BACH's Goldberg Variations? 1.2778 0.03404 270 210 45 15
1502 This next song is a punchy little number ... 1.2778 0.03068 288 218 60 10
1503 Chopsticks it is then! 1.2778 0.02949 324 247 64 13
1504 I'm the boxer of Seville. 1.2778 0.03196 270 205 55 10
1505 Schubert has requested a rematch. 1.2778 0.02989 306 232 63 11
1506 And now, something in tempo "pugilissimo". 1.2778 0.03238 270 206 53 11
1507 And we will finish off the evening with Rimsky-Korsakov’s “”Fight of the Bumblebee.” 1.2776 0.03383 299 237 41 21
1508 These ivories need more than tickling. 1.2776 0.03247 299 233 49 17
1509 For me, playing Chopin's Sonatas have always been a personal battle 1.2776 0.03106 299 229 57 13
1510 Franz Lizst bangs the Piano with his Fizst. 1.2776 0.03274 281 217 50 14
1511 And now I’m going to pound out an old favorite. 1.2776 0.03274 281 217 50 14
1512 Yo adagio! 1.2776 0.03351 281 219 46 16
1513 I promise you a knockout performance. 1.2776 0.03337 263 202 49 12
1514 Any requests I can pound out for you? 1.2776 0.03351 245 186 50 9
1515 They're insured! 1.2774 0.03168 310 241 52 17
1516 And now for a swinging little tune with a hook that'll knock you out. 1.2774 0.03191 292 225 53 14
1517 Trump Concerto in F Minor 1.2774 0.03507 292 234 35 23
1518 That concludes Round 1, Round 2 will begin after intermission . 1.2774 0.03079 292 222 59 11
1519 For my next number...'Requiem for a Heavyweight' 1.2774 0.03289 274 211 50 13
1520 And now, especially for those of you out there with the drooping eyelids and the nodding heads, here is a little wake-up number! 1.2774 0.03207 274 209 54 11
1521 I really like to pound out the notes. 1.2773 0.03211 256 193 55 8
1522 I consider the piano my opponent. 1.2772 0.03043 303 231 60 12
1523 "This next one's gonna be a knockout." 1.2772 0.03392 285 224 43 18
1524 Get me LARGER KEYS. 1.2772 0.03355 285 223 45 17
1525 I need a new manager." 1.2772 0.03429 267 208 44 15
1526 I dedicate this next piece to my manager, who needs a better understanding of what a ‘boxing day concert’ is. 1.2772 0.03429 267 208 44 15
1527 This next piece I will play using only gentle jabs and delicate hooks. 1.2772 0.03469 267 209 42 16
1528 I said Bach, not box. 1.2771 0.03551 249 194 41 14
1529 You should hear me play when the gloves come off 1.2770 0.03162 296 228 54 14
1530 And now a little something I wrote for Boxing Day. 1.2770 0.03125 296 227 56 13
1531 And now my medley of college fight songs. 1.2770 0.03176 278 212 55 11
1532 For your pleasure, “Cacophony in B flat” 1.2769 0.03316 260 199 50 11
1533 Introducing classical music for millennials. Because alone, Piano Sonata No. 29 isn't enough to maintain your attention. 1.2769 0.03154 307 238 53 16
1534 Prepare to be really impressed. 1.2768 0.03249 289 224 50 15
1535 This one is a little punchier.” 1.2767 0.03061 300 229 59 12
1536 Now, I'll knock out the encore. 1.2767 0.03097 300 230 57 13
1537 For my next piece, I'll be playing the theme song from Rocky. 1.2767 0.03340 300 237 43 20
1538 This is going to be very postmodern. 1.2767 0.03373 300 238 41 21
1539 And now, The Dance of the Butterfly, by Muhammad Ali 1.2766 0.03378 282 221 44 17
1540 A boxed set of tonight’s performance will be available for purchase during the interval. 1.2766 0.03303 282 219 48 15
1541 Well, most musicians needs two jobs 1.2766 0.03303 282 219 48 15
1542 And now, Rocky III, Opus I. 1.2765 0.03025 311 238 60 13
1543 Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Round 3. 1.2765 0.03218 293 227 51 15
1544 And you thought Ray Charles had it hard! 1.2765 0.03182 293 226 53 14
1545 Folks, please remember, I am a professional. Do not try this at home. 1.2765 0.03182 293 226 53 14
1546 This next piece is titled, "Theme from Rocky". 1.2765 0.03145 293 225 55 13
1547 This next number really hits hard. 1.2765 0.03182 293 226 53 14
1548 I was told to punch up the ending 1.2764 0.03398 275 215 44 16
1549 This next piece is to be played 'molto forte.' 1.2764 0.03398 275 215 44 16
1550 This one is called “Fight Of The Bumblebee” 1.2762 0.03233 286 221 51 14
1551 Punchy melody it is. 1.2761 0.03250 268 205 52 11
1552 Yes, I lost a bet and yes, you can get a ticket refund. 1.2761 0.03116 297 228 56 13
1553 This next little number is a real knockout! 1.2761 0.03188 297 230 52 15
1554 Oh, I thought it was “Fight of the Bumblebee” ! 1.2759 0.03072 319 247 56 16
1555 If I hear one more phone ring, someone is getting knocked out! 1.2757 0.03342 272 211 47 14
1556 We've had a request for the National Anthem. 1.2756 0.03292 283 220 48 15
1557 My playing can float like Madame Butterfly and sting like the Flight of the Bumblebee 1.2756 0.03405 283 223 42 18
1558 I bet you've never heard the 1812 Overture on the piano! 1.2755 0.03209 294 228 51 15
1559 I shall now perform Handel with kid gloves. 1.2755 0.03442 265 207 43 15
1560 Promise you, next song is a knockout. 1.2754 0.02916 305 230 66 9
1561 And now for Beethoven's Piano Sonata Number 1 in F-Minor-ish 1.2754 0.03199 305 238 50 17
1562 I'm trying to stop tickling the ivories. 1.2754 0.03060 276 208 60 8
1563 Look ma, no fingers. 1.2754 0.03228 276 212 52 12
1564 And now, my arrangement of Paul Simon’s ‘The Boxer.’ 1.2754 0.03387 276 216 44 16
1565 Some people say I'm a bit heavy handed." 1.2754 0.03348 276 215 46 15
1566 And for those of you who think playing piano is for sissies... 1.2754 0.03103 276 209 58 9
1567 And now, the 1812 Overture for solo piano 1.2753 0.03371 287 226 43 18
1568 Music box? 1.2753 0.03185 287 221 53 13
1569 In honor of Brexit, I will now play the piano version of "Bang the Drums Slowly." 1.2751 0.03487 269 212 40 17
1570 And now, my own rendition of the 1812 Overture. 1.2751 0.03235 309 243 47 19
1571 And now, "Variation on 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'" by Muhammad Ali 1.2751 0.03300 309 245 43 21
1572 This next one needs to be preformed with a certain amount of punch 1.2750 0.03197 280 215 53 12
1573 I don't know why, but tonight I feel like I'm all thumbs. 1.2750 0.03074 280 212 59 9
1574 This next song may be a bit off key. 1.2749 0.03373 291 230 42 19
1575 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to play for you my interpretation of Paul Simon's "The Boxer." 1.2749 0.03266 291 227 48 16
1576 And now, for Chopin's Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2747 0.03411 273 214 43 16
1577 Nail fungus is nothing to chuckle about, ask the harp player. 1.2747 0.03331 273 212 47 14
1578 Next, I will play with one hand tied behind my back. 1.2746 0.03357 284 223 44 17
1579 I can't tickle the ivories but I can pound them" 1.2746 0.03163 295 228 53 14
1580 My Rachmaninoff may be a little Rocky. 1.2746 0.03051 295 225 59 11
1581 My other job is a hand model. 1.2746 0.03126 295 227 55 13
1582 And now for a bit of Rocky maninoff! 1.2744 0.03177 317 249 49 19
1583 And next, a lovely little composition by Victor Borge. 1.2744 0.03389 266 207 45 14
1584 Ohhh...you said we're going to Bach's! 1.2744 0.03389 266 207 45 14
1585 I’m hoping to knockout this Sonata in the first movement. 1.2744 0.02787 328 247 72 9
1586 Let's see Mike Tyson do this! 1.2744 0.03258 277 214 50 13
1587 And now I shall attempt Fight of the Bumblebee 1.2743 0.03360 288 227 43 18
1588 I have a really great hook for this song. 1.2742 0.03060 310 239 57 14
1589 And now I go three rounds with Rachmaninoff. 1.2741 0.03271 270 208 50 12
1590 I will now play the classic theme from ROCKY. 1.2740 0.03226 281 217 51 13
1591 The chorus will now join me for few rounds. 1.2740 0.03183 292 226 52 14
1592 Chopin is down for the count in three -quarter time. 1.2740 0.03183 292 226 52 14
1593 This next piece may be a little Rocky. 1.2740 0.03292 292 229 46 17
1594 Next I will perform, Fight of the Bumblebee 1.2740 0.03327 292 230 44 18
1595 This next piece demonstrates the difficulty bumblebees actually have in flight. 1.2739 0.03100 314 244 54 16
1596 This next piece, inspired by John Cage, is called Bruised Piano 1.2738 0.03327 263 203 48 12
1597 I call this next piece "The Crash of the Bumblebee." 1.2736 0.03117 296 228 55 13
1598 Now, the ‘Fight of the Bumblebee’ 1.2736 0.03043 307 236 58 13
1599 I had to struggle with this piece... 1.2734 0.03336 267 207 47 13
1600 I like to punch out a tune for you. 1.2734 0.03167 278 213 54 11
1601 Put up your Duke Ellingtons 1.2734 0.03127 289 222 55 12
1602 This next piece is titled, "Would You Please Stop F**king Playing That, Timmy? 1.2734 0.03277 289 226 47 16
1603 I will now take on Mozart 1.2733 0.02979 300 228 62 10
1604 The Boxing Ring Cycle 1.2733 0.03195 300 234 50 16
1605 Tonight I'll be knocking out the tunes for you. 1.2733 0.03078 322 251 54 17
1606 And now, a fantasie by Franz Liszton. 1.2731 0.03351 260 201 47 12
1607 As Beethoven famously asked, “Do you want a piece of me?” 1.2731 0.03343 271 211 46 14
1608 I couldn't find Madison Square Garden 1.2731 0.03176 271 207 54 10
1609 Maestro, Uppercut in C Major please. 1.2730 0.03137 282 216 55 11
1610 Tough piece. 1.2730 0.03294 282 220 47 15
1611 Ive had to fight my way to get here! 1.2730 0.03022 293 223 60 10
1612 Please hold your applause until I've finished. 1.2730 0.03246 293 229 48 16
1613 Let's get ready to crescendo! 1.2730 0.03022 293 223 60 10
1614 And now, a heavy-handed version of Jingle Bells. 1.2730 0.03097 304 235 55 14
1615 Never steal from the casino the night you’re scheduled to play piano there. 1.2730 0.03234 304 239 47 18
1616 This may look easy... It is not. 1.2730 0.02992 315 242 60 13
1617 I call this piece "Etude in the Key of Everything." 1.2727 0.03409 286 227 40 19
1618 It's more of a Box-trot. 1.2727 0.03187 275 211 53 11
1619 I said Bach's work, not box work. 1.2727 0.03273 264 203 50 11
1620 This next one is more ‘Rocky’ than Rachmaninoff. 1.2727 0.03269 275 213 49 13
1621 The cacophony suite is a new work 1.2727 0.02964 308 235 62 11
1622 This next piece is one I wrote for my ex-wife called "you should have signed the prenup" 1.2727 0.03486 264 208 40 16
1623 And now I present Sibulski's Concerto in A minor, D minor, and E-flat major 1.2727 0.03486 264 208 40 16
1624 My next piece is entitled, "The Boxer Rebellion." 1.2724 0.03110 312 243 53 16
1625 ...and now for my most-difficult piece... 1.2724 0.03289 301 238 44 19
1626 my plan is to pound these ivories into submission 1.2724 0.03079 290 222 57 11
1627 To complete this Mancini set, I’ll switch from Henry to Ray Boom Boom. 1.2724 0.03118 290 223 55 12
1628 Shall I play some selections from the boxed set? 1.2724 0.03304 290 228 45 17
1629 And now, by request, "Theme from Rocky." Again. 1.2724 0.03367 268 209 45 14
1630 This one's a bit punchy. 1.2724 0.03325 268 208 47 13
1631 This one has a punchy beat 1.2724 0.03240 268 206 51 11
1632 This next number is a knockout. It packs quite a punch. 1.2722 0.03179 316 249 48 19
1633 Next is "Flight of the Bumblebee," which I will also play blindfolded. 1.2721 0.03157 305 238 51 16
1634 They keys in this piece are pretty sharp. 1.2721 0.03164 294 228 52 14
1635 Just warming up 1.2721 0.03127 294 227 54 13
1636 And this time, you had better applaud. 1.2721 0.03206 283 219 51 13
1637 My next piece, Schumann's Toccata in C Major, is dedicated to my first piano teacher who told my mother I was all thumbs. 1.2721 0.03167 283 218 53 12
1638 I know what you're thinking. 1.2721 0.03087 283 216 57 10
1639 I shall now perform Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2721 0.03373 272 213 44 15
1640 I've had a request for "The Boxer." 1.2721 0.03333 272 212 46 14
1641 And, now, something a little punchy. 1.2721 0.03122 272 207 56 9
1642 Ravel's Piano Concerto for the Left Hand in D major,the hard way. 1.2721 0.03292 272 211 48 13
1643 My next number will be the theme from "Rocky." 1.2721 0.03122 272 207 56 9
1644 And now I will transition from tickling the ivories to punching them 1.2720 0.03295 261 201 49 11
1645 I’m wearing these gloves at the request of my fans 1.2718 0.03162 309 242 50 17
1646 And now, round four... 1.2718 0.03326 287 226 44 17
1647 I never liked the piano 1.2718 0.03214 287 223 50 14
1648 Now for a mash-up I like to call "Float like a Butterfly; sting like the Flight of the Bumblebee." 1.2717 0.03259 276 214 49 13
1649 Hit it, maestro! 1.2716 0.03597 243 191 38 14
1650 This next piece makes Beethoven look like a little bitch. 1.2716 0.03101 313 244 53 16
1651 Next, I will play the theme from Rocky. 1.2715 0.03312 302 240 42 20
1652 Ladies and Gentlemen, I will be performing Simon and Garfunkel’s, The Boxer, as it was originally conceived. 1.2715 0.03107 302 234 54 14
1653 The record shows I took the blows and did it myyyyyy waaaayyyy 1.2715 0.03258 291 228 47 16
1654 And now some Gilbert and Sullivan melodies, as they might have been played by Jack Dempsey. 1.2714 0.03106 280 214 56 10
1655 And now a piece I call Für Muhammad Ali 1.2714 0.03188 280 216 52 12
1656 I play like a butterfly and sing like a bee. 1.2714 0.03478 269 213 39 17
1657 This next piece floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. 1.2713 0.02975 317 244 60 13
1658 I will now play Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer" 1.2712 0.03044 306 236 57 13
1659 I bite my nails. 1.2712 0.03227 295 231 48 16
1660 These? They're for when I meet that #*&@* composer after the concert. 1.2711 0.03273 284 222 47 15
1661 I did it myyyyyyy wayyyyyyy 1.2711 0.03197 284 220 51 13
1662 My next piece will be ‘Chopsticks - The Hard Way 1.2711 0.03198 273 210 52 11
1663 Yes, I'm Johann Sebastian Box. 1.2711 0.03281 273 212 48 13
1664 For your listening pleasure, I'll knock out a few oldies. 1.2711 0.03322 273 213 46 14
1665 Mother wanted me to be a pianist. Father wanted a pugilist, so I learned to punch the keys. 1.2710 0.03284 262 202 49 11
1666 There is no punch line! 1.2710 0.03052 310 240 56 14
1667 Now for some minimalism. 1.2710 0.03153 310 243 50 17
1668 I will now perform the Nocturne Pugilistica by Sugar Ray Mozart. 1.2709 0.03424 251 195 44 12
1669 Here’s a little something I wrote that requires playing a lot of consecutive keys at the same time. 1.2709 0.03126 299 232 53 14
1670 Oh, it was "Flight of the Bumblebee?" 1.2708 0.03316 288 227 44 17
1671 I am thrilled to be performing my first concert since completing my twelve step anti nose picking program. 1.2708 0.03204 288 224 50 14
1672 And my next number will really knock you out! 1.2708 0.03316 288 227 44 17
1673 Tonight's performance will be "A Little Rocky. 1.2708 0.03208 277 214 51 12
1674 And I'd like to close with a little chin music. 1.2708 0.03367 277 218 43 16
1675 And not without a smattering of irony. 1.2708 0.03084 277 211 57 9
1676 This next piece is called “Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee.” 1.2708 0.03208 277 214 51 12
1677 This song promises to be a knock out! 1.2707 0.03337 266 207 46 13
1678 You should see what the keyboard looks like 1.2707 0.03072 266 201 58 7
1679 Thank you, that was "Chopsticks." And now, "Chopsticks." 1.2706 0.03202 303 238 48 17
1680 Who brought the piano? I asked for a gong! 1.2706 0.02990 303 232 60 11
1681 This one's for you, Mr. Stallone. 1.2706 0.03026 303 233 58 12
1682 I call this piece,"Boxer's Rebellion. 1.2706 0.03248 255 195 51 9
1683 The next selection is by Johann Sebastian Box. 1.2705 0.03390 292 233 39 20
1684 And now, I would like to play you something from my pugilistic period. 1.2705 0.03099 292 225 55 12
1685 And now, Round 3 of selections from my complete boxed set! 1.2705 0.03319 292 231 43 18
1686 Ever feel like you've got the wrong job? 1.2705 0.03211 292 228 49 15
1687 I’m trying to stop biting my nails. 1.2705 0.03137 281 216 54 11
1688 Now, for a rarely-played piece from Wagner's Ring Cycle. 1.2705 0.03446 281 224 38 19
1689 Ladies and Gentlemen: Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer. 1.2705 0.03178 281 217 52 12
1690 Let’s get ready to rondo! 1.2704 0.03304 270 210 47 13
1691 My playing's been a bit Rocky of late... 1.2704 0.03139 307 240 51 16
1692 Boo me one more time - I dare you! 1.2703 0.03109 296 229 54 13
1693 And now, Rockymaninoff’s IVth 1.2702 0.03225 285 222 49 14
1694 My first number will be the theme from 'Rocky'. 1.2702 0.03375 285 226 41 18
1695 This is a little etude for note clusters, which I composed myself. 1.2701 0.03271 274 213 48 13
1696 And now the classic "88 keys in .8 seconds". 1.2701 0.03430 274 217 40 17
1697 I'm now going to pound out some Mozart. 1.2701 0.03271 274 213 48 13
1698 In this Christmas season I'd like to play a little Boxing Day number. 1.2700 0.03152 300 234 51 15
1699 A rendition of Balboa’s 5th 1.2700 0.03081 300 232 55 13
1700 To unlock the premium concert experience, please open the app and select the $3.99 in-app upgrade. 1.2700 0.03273 263 203 49 11
1701 Tickling the ivories really isn’t my style. 1.2698 0.03198 278 215 51 12
1702 Now I will play ‘Fight of the bumblebee’ better known as ‘Float like a butterfly sting like a bee.’ 1.2698 0.03357 278 219 43 16
1703 My dog wrote this next piece. 1.2698 0.03278 278 217 47 14
1704 Give me a Ten Count! 1.2698 0.03157 278 214 53 11
1705 The precision may not be quite adequate but fortissimos are exeptional ! 1.2697 0.03053 304 235 56 13
1706 I alone can play it. 1.2695 0.03207 282 219 50 13
1707 This is called he Mefisto Waltz. 1.2695 0.03246 282 220 48 14
1708 …called Migraine in A Major. 1.2695 0.03207 282 219 50 13
1709 This one's for my Pop, who always wanted me to become a fighter 1.2694 0.03166 271 208 53 10
1710 This concert is going the full twelve rounds 1.2694 0.03062 297 229 56 12
1711 Its not easy being Victor Borg's son! 1.2694 0.03172 297 232 50 15
1712 It's all in the wrist. 1.2694 0.03172 297 232 50 15
1713 I apologize for that last prelude. Now, on to box the ill-tempered clavier. 1.2694 0.03062 297 229 56 12
1714 And now I'd like to pound out a little something for you." 1.2693 0.03063 323 253 53 17
1715 Ladies and gentlemen ... I will now attempt to free my hands and play the Minute Waltz in 55 seconds or less. 1.2693 0.03063 323 253 53 17
1716 This composition needs more punch. 1.2692 0.03138 286 221 53 12
1717 I’d like to now play the piano version of Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” 1.2692 0.02966 312 240 60 12
1718 And now: Beethoven's Ninth--in the style of American democracy. 1.2692 0.03437 286 229 37 20
1719 With so many Messiahs to compete with I dedicate this next piece to the Electoral College. 1.2692 0.03069 312 243 54 15
1720 Degree of difficulty 9.7 1.2691 0.03072 301 233 55 13
1721 I float like a butterfly but sting in B-minor 1.2691 0.03108 301 234 53 14
1722 1, 2, 3 - hit it! 1.2691 0.03178 275 212 52 11
1723 Pardon me for any wrong notes, folks. These are actually my cello gloves. 1.2691 0.03260 275 214 48 13
1724 The last time I played this next tune, someone nearly bit my ear off. 1.2691 0.03419 275 218 40 17
1725 Be quiet please, I'm going to knock out a few tunes for you. 1.2690 0.03147 290 225 52 13
1726 Oh! I thought you wanted a knockout performance. 1.2690 0.03222 290 227 48 15
1727 For my next number I shall pound the keyboard. 1.2690 0.03109 290 224 54 12
1728 Now for some Rachymaninoff. 1.2690 0.03367 290 231 40 19
1729 Now for the couple at the cozy corner table, some tunes to fight by 1.2690 0.03332 290 230 42 18
1730 And now I will perform 'The Theme from Rocky.' 1.2689 0.03558 264 211 35 18
1731 And now the concerto from 'Raging Bull' 1.2689 0.03081 264 200 57 7
1732 And now my knockout sonata. 1.2689 0.03009 305 235 58 12
1733 And now, the theme song I wrote for "Rocky," which was unfortunately rejected. 1.2689 0.02973 305 234 60 11
1734 This is how I avoid carpal tunnel syndrome. 1.2688 0.03147 279 215 53 11
1735 What - you don't like Punchini? 1.2688 0.03307 253 195 48 10
1736 My new composition is a real knockout. 1.2687 0.03155 294 229 51 14
1737 It's kind of a punchy tune! 1.2687 0.03043 294 226 57 11
1738 And now for a blow by blow rendition of Schubert's Three Military Marches, Opus 51. 1.2686 0.03388 283 225 40 18
1739 Evening, folks. I'm gonna knock out a few tunes for ya. 1.2686 0.02995 283 215 60 8
1740 Now I will play a theme from Rocky. 1.2685 0.03454 257 202 41 14
1741 And now I'd like to play you a punchy little tune. 1.2685 0.03364 257 200 45 12
1742 And now I shall play a medley of pet-performed pieces from the Internet. 1.2684 0.03560 272 219 33 20
1743 My mother wanted a pianist.....my father wanted a pugilist. 1.2683 0.03206 287 224 49 14
1744 And now I shall pummel out a pleasing polonaise for your pleasure. 1.2683 0.03206 287 224 49 14
1745 Anyone want to hear the theme from Rocky? 1.2683 0.02969 287 218 61 8
1746 Mid-career transitions are always difficult - but this one has been especially so for me. 1.2682 0.03329 261 203 46 12
1747 Yo Adrian, can you turn the music for me? 1.2681 0.03290 276 216 46 14
1748 And then The Maestro begged me to stop fighting the instrument. 1.2681 0.03330 276 217 44 15
1749 J. S. BACHINGGLOVE 1.2680 0.03175 291 227 50 14
1750 I wish my manager could enunciate. The word was Bach. 1.2680 0.03378 250 194 45 11
1751 It's the most efficient way to play twelve-tone music 1.2679 0.03546 265 212 35 18
1752 Any less abusive requests? 1.2678 0.03359 295 236 39 20
1753 Last time, Rachmaninoff won. 1.2678 0.03072 295 228 55 12
1754 ...and while I am entirely grateful to Modells for underwriting this concert, I do feel compelled to mention that there were certain strings attached.... 1.2678 0.03034 295 227 57 11
1755 Time to punch this tune up a little 1.2676 0.03148 284 220 52 12
1756 This is the LAST time I do request. 1.2675 0.03052 314 245 54 15
1757 I’ll now fight my way through some more Chopin. 1.2674 0.03398 258 202 43 13
1758 I will now play "Hail To The Chief". 1.2674 0.03471 273 218 37 18
1759 What do you mean it could be punchier? 1.2674 0.03353 273 215 43 15
1760 I'll now play the 3rd movement of Muhammad Ali's second symphony 1.2674 0.03233 288 226 47 15
1761 Wow! A knockout performance! 1.2674 0.03196 288 225 49 14
1762 Raging Bach 1.2671 0.03397 277 220 40 17
1763 And now for your listening pleasure, the theme from “Rocky”. 1.2671 0.03199 277 215 50 12
1764 I call this next number "Fight of the Bumblebee." 1.2671 0.03203 292 229 48 15
1765 And one more time, the opening notes of Beethoven's Fifth. 1.2671 0.03128 292 227 52 13
1766 Flight of the Bumble Bee is out of the question. Any other requests?... 1.2671 0.02883 307 234 64 9
1767 Something punchy? 1.2669 0.03328 266 208 45 13
1768 I will now play the Mike Tyson Rhapsody in Black and Blue. 1.2669 0.03285 266 207 47 12
1769 If Beethoven could do it deaf, then I might as well try my best. 1.2669 0.03137 296 231 51 14
1770 And now, my latest composition in celebration of Boxing Day. 1.2669 0.03280 296 235 43 18
1771 Playing with ten fingers is easy. 1.2669 0.03100 296 230 53 13
1772 There will be copies of my box-set available in the lobby after the show! 1.2667 0.03331 255 198 46 11
1773 This next piece is a hit song. 1.2667 0.02942 315 243 60 12
1774 And now for a piece by Pugalini. 1.2667 0.03178 285 222 50 13
1775 When you're as great as I am, you really should have some kind of handicap. 1.2667 0.03422 255 200 42 13
1776 Due to recent OSHA regulations for Rachmaninoff... 1.2667 0.03179 300 236 48 16
1777 And now, for your enjoyment, I will box the ivories. 1.2667 0.03249 300 238 44 18
1778 Here's a punchy little number I think you'll like. 1.2667 0.03335 270 212 44 14
1779 Ladies and Gentlemen, I am not going to tickle the ivories; I am going to clobber the Bosendorfer." This is Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" without the moonlight 1.2667 0.03189 255 195 52 8
1780 And now I’d like to play a medley of my greatest hits. 1.2667 0.03255 285 224 46 15
1781 Take that, Mr. Rachmaninoff...... 1.2664 0.03150 304 239 49 16
1782 I will next perform the theme from Rocky. 1.2664 0.03009 304 235 57 12
1783 Get ready to rumble 1.2664 0.02991 289 221 59 9
1784 And now my rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis and "Great Balls of Fire" 1.2664 0.03186 289 226 49 14
1785 And now something more contemporary... 1.2664 0.03297 289 229 43 17
1786 And for my next number I will play Fight of the Bumble Bee. 1.2664 0.03382 274 217 41 16
1787 And now, some tunes from The Ring. 1.2664 0.03460 274 219 37 18
1788 And then I hear my ex-wife laughing in the audience, and then I wake up--every time. 1.2664 0.03421 274 218 39 17
1789 In this final piece, I will be combining The Art of the Fugue with the Queensberry Rules. 1.2662 0.03081 293 227 54 12
1790 This one I call "Float like a butterfly, sting like the flight of a bumblebee." 1.2662 0.03021 278 212 58 8
1791 I don't know if I can play it in that key. 1.2662 0.03229 278 217 48 13
1792 I only sing 1.2662 0.03436 263 208 40 15
1793 I will now play for you “Eine Kleine Knock You Out.” 1.2660 0.03199 297 234 47 16
1794 And now, Concerto Number 4, Round 3, in B-flat minor. 1.2660 0.03198 282 220 49 13
1795 My next piece will be the theme from Rocky. 1.2658 0.02968 316 245 58 13
1796 Sonata in the key of Ali 1.2658 0.03135 301 236 50 15
1797 For my first piece, I will be playing an adaptation of the "Rocky Theme" 1.2657 0.03168 286 223 50 13
1798 This next piece is by John Cage. 1.2657 0.03392 286 229 38 19
1799 And now I will perform “The Fight of the Bumblebee.” 1.2657 0.03168 286 223 50 13
1800 Piano Sonata No. 3, fortissimo 1.2657 0.03129 286 222 52 12
1801 Any request? 1.2657 0.03365 271 214 42 15
1802 And next, I would like to pound out a tune on my old piano... 1.2657 0.03325 271 213 44 14
1803 A-minor challenge 1.2656 0.03320 256 199 46 11
1804 And now I'd like to play a little sonata of my own composition called "Golden Gloves" in the keys of C through G. 1.2656 0.03105 320 253 49 18
1805 Now, I shall float like a butterfly and sting like the 'Flight of the Bumblebee" 1.2656 0.02842 320 245 65 10
1806 This next piece is by Pugiliski 1.2655 0.02983 290 222 59 9
1807 Oh and Mike Tyson can act? 1.2655 0.03251 290 229 45 16
1808 Ready for this? I’ve decided to give it the old one, two. 1.2655 0.03139 290 226 51 13
1809 Rockymaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. V 1.2655 0.03168 275 213 51 11
1810 I will now play Rockymaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. V. 1.2655 0.03210 275 214 49 12
1811 I'd like to dedicate my next number to Muhammad Ali. 1.2654 0.02952 324 252 58 14
1812 Let the first round of the concerto begin. 1.2654 0.03375 260 204 43 13
1813 And now I'd like to play something with absolutely no regard for talent, technique or quite frankly, for any of you my dear audience. 1.2654 0.03079 309 242 52 15
1814 Thank you. And now, this one will just knock you out. 1.2652 0.02830 328 252 65 11
1815 ...and now, "Brahms' Lullaby". 1.2652 0.03298 279 220 44 15
1816 It's just a little number I came up with for Boxing Day this year. 1.2652 0.03298 279 220 44 15
1817 And now, a piece titled "Yo Adrian!" 1.2652 0.03019 313 244 55 14
1818 While I can't put my finger on it, my performances have somehow been a little Rocky lately. 1.2652 0.03296 264 206 46 12
1819 This piano and I haven't been getting along lately... 1.2652 0.03252 264 205 48 11
1820 Tonight's performance is a tribute to Mohammad Ali 1.2652 0.03208 264 204 50 10
1821 Next, one of the biggest hits of Rocky Moninoff. 1.2652 0.03208 264 204 50 10
1822 I love challenges! 1.2651 0.03260 298 237 43 18
1823 Eh, my playing's a little rocky. 1.2650 0.03068 283 218 55 10
1824 One cannot just tickle the ivories with Rachmaninoff. 1.2649 0.03348 268 211 43 14
1825 And now I will pound the hell out of the keys... 1.2649 0.03389 268 212 41 15
1826 The sudden realization of having forgotten to zip. 1.2649 0.03195 302 239 46 17
1827 You say the Rach 3 is difficult? I’ll show you difficult. 1.2648 0.03080 287 222 54 11
1828 Yo Amadeus...I did it. 1.2647 0.03395 272 216 40 16
1829 ‘Some say I am the Mike Tyson of the keys.’ 1.2647 0.03058 272 208 56 8
1830 It helps with the nail-biting. 1.2647 0.02992 306 237 57 12
1831 Now I’ll knock out another song for you. 1.2647 0.03189 272 211 50 11
1832 I don't think I can play pianissimo. 1.2645 0.03036 310 242 54 14
1833 Yo, Elise! I did it! 1.2645 0.02931 310 239 60 11
1834 And now ... The Pugilist of Seville. 1.2645 0.03281 276 217 45 14
1835 And now for my final piece, "Float like a butterfly, sting like the flight of the bumblebee." 1.2645 0.03360 276 219 41 16
1836 Next is a song that took Jim Morrison 8 1/2 minutes to sing. I plan to knock it out in 2. 1.2644 0.03101 295 230 52 13
1837 And now, the theme from Rocky IV 1.2644 0.03025 295 228 56 11
1838 I haven't worked out every note on this next piece, but I'm very passionate about it. 1.2644 0.03319 261 204 45 12
1839 Next, I'd like to play the Ali Variations. 1.2643 0.03128 280 217 52 11
1840 Hopefully this will strike a chord with you as it did for me. 1.2643 0.03169 280 218 50 12
1841 I'll knock out one more tune prior to intermission. 1.2643 0.03249 280 220 46 14
1842 I shall now play the Rach Four using only my nose and my elbows. 1.2643 0.03169 280 218 50 12
1843 I will now play Boxmaninoff 1.2642 0.03147 318 253 46 19
1844 Down goes Mozart! 1.2642 0.03413 265 210 40 15
1845 Okay, I guess the gloves aren’t coming off. 1.2642 0.03329 265 208 44 13
1846 I thought I'd punch it up a bit 1.2641 0.03059 284 219 55 10
1847 This is not going to be easy. 1.2641 0.03018 284 218 57 9
1848 This next piece is for AAAAADRIANNNNN. 1.2640 0.03117 303 238 50 15
1849 Oh! Bach? Yes, I suppose that does make more sense. 1.2640 0.03010 303 235 56 12
1850 My next number is the Carpal Tunnel Suite. 1.2639 0.03337 269 212 43 14
1851 Fair warning if you don’t applaud. 1.2639 0.03187 288 226 48 14
1852 Please join me for punch after the concert. 1.2637 0.03262 273 214 46 13
1853 This time I'm going to play something a bit more punchy. 1.2637 0.03136 273 211 52 10
1854 Oh no, they are expecting me to take a bow now and I'm only wearing boxer shorts. 1.2637 0.03220 273 213 48 12
1855 And for my next number, a knockout version of Moonlight Sonata. 1.2637 0.03043 292 226 55 11
1856 Minuet for two thumbs. 1.2637 0.03043 292 226 55 11
1857 And now for a sonata by Serge Rockymaninoff. 1.2637 0.03231 292 231 45 16
1858 Shubert's Piano Sonata No. 21 in B-flat major, Trump technique. 1.2636 0.03518 258 206 36 16
1859 For my next request ... The Boxer by Paul Simon 1.2635 0.03230 277 217 47 13
1860 It was at that moment, Rocky knew he had to give up his dreams. 1.2635 0.03189 277 216 49 12
1861 I just won the first part of the competition but this part is really going to be hard. 1.2635 0.03189 277 216 49 12
1862 The gloves come off when you start clapping. 1.2635 0.03106 277 214 53 10
1863 I will now perform an experimental piece by John Cage. 1.2635 0.03306 296 237 40 19
1864 The Fight of the Bumblebee 1.2635 0.03306 296 237 40 19
1865 Ladies and Gentlemen... Let's get ready to treble. 1.2634 0.03126 262 201 53 8
1866 Get ready for this hit! 1.2634 0.03438 262 208 39 15
1867 And now for Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto in c minor. Better known as Rocky II 1.2633 0.03241 300 239 43 18
1868 Punch it again Sam. 1.2632 0.03001 304 236 56 12
1869 Ladies and gentlemen, let us prepare ourselves to rumble. 1.2632 0.03090 285 221 53 11
1870 This grand is fighting me all the way !!! 1.2632 0.03001 304 236 56 12
1871 Pacquiao's "A Little Fight Music" 1.2632 0.03169 285 223 49 13
1872 ...and now, the theme from ‘Rocky’ 1.2632 0.03090 285 221 53 11
1873 Otherwise I’d just be tickling the ivories 1.2630 0.03242 270 211 47 12
1874 I will now play ‘the Boxer’ written by Simon and Garfunkel! In D flat. 1.2630 0.03284 270 212 45 13
1875 And now, an unusual rendering of "Chopsticks". 1.2629 0.03402 251 197 42 12
1876 Can anyone help me find middle C? 1.2628 0.03328 293 235 39 19
1877 Now here's one that'll really knock your socks off 1.2627 0.03027 316 248 53 15
1878 And now, to reprise Victor Borge's Musical Punctuation... 1.2626 0.02969 297 229 58 10
1879 I'll punch out one more before the break. 1.2626 0.03082 297 232 52 13
1880 This next one is entitled “Eine Kleine Chinmusic” 1.2626 0.03119 297 233 50 14
1881 How about a punchy tune? 1.2626 0.03096 278 215 53 10
1882 He does a great scherzando but he needs a page turner 1.2626 0.03377 278 222 39 17
1883 And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Theme from Rocky VII 1.2626 0.03299 278 220 43 15
1884 Knocked out Bethoven's Fifth. 1.2625 0.03162 301 238 47 16
1885 I'm only playing my greatest hits. 1.2625 0.03126 301 237 49 15
1886 I thought you said this was a fight song... 1.2624 0.03267 282 223 44 15
1887 I'm taking requests for fight songs 1.2624 0.03068 282 218 54 10
1888 Staccato, you said? 1.2624 0.03026 282 217 56 9
1889 This piece is called 'Float Like a Butterfly, Flight of the Bumblebee' 1.2624 0.03068 282 218 54 10
1890 And now a piece from my hit record. 1.2624 0.03068 282 218 54 10
1891 This next song is alittle more up beat. 1.2624 0.03149 282 220 50 12
1892 Chopsticks? Really. 1.2624 0.03162 263 203 51 9
1893 Tickling the ivories is for beginners. This is advanced stuff. 1.2623 0.02919 305 235 60 10
1894 And now in honor of Boxing Day... 1.2623 0.02956 305 236 58 11
1895 Float like a butterfly, sting like a B-sharp. 1.2622 0.03120 286 223 51 12
1896 Next, The Minute Waltz in 30 seconds. 1.2622 0.03159 286 224 49 13
1897 My next piece is the two-fisted Sonata. 1.2622 0.03347 286 229 39 18
1898 and now...Brahms' Second Concerto in Knocked Flat. 1.2622 0.03120 286 223 51 12
1899 I will now perform the Victor Borge Concerto 1.2622 0.03553 267 216 32 19
1900 I shall now play the Concerto No. 2, Opus 18 by Rockymaninoff. 1.2621 0.02895 309 238 61 10
1901 It's me against the music. 1.2621 0.03002 309 241 55 13
1902 My next number is the "beat goes on" 1.2621 0.03091 290 226 52 12
1903 I will now perform a piece by JS Box 1.2621 0.03167 290 228 48 14
1904 Now I know what Theresa May must feel like. 1.2620 0.03396 271 216 39 16
1905 Now a little something called "Float like a Butterfly sting like a Bee" 1.2619 0.03101 294 230 51 13
1906 This next one really packs a punch! 1.2619 0.03063 294 229 53 12
1907 I shall now attempt the dreaded Rachy III 1.2619 0.03175 294 232 47 15
1908 And now something a little more modern: 'The Boxer' by Paul Simon. 1.2618 0.02952 317 247 57 13
1909 Now for the Fight of the Bumble Bee. 1.2618 0.03158 275 214 50 11
1910 ‘I used to be a contenda’ 1.2618 0.03241 275 216 46 13
1911 How else do you propose I play The Boxer? 1.2617 0.03036 298 232 54 12
1912 Did someone request, The Boxer? 1.2617 0.02999 298 231 56 11
1913 And now, a piece for ill-tempered clavier by Box. 1.2617 0.03181 298 236 46 16
1914 And now for Box' Concerto in D minor. 1.2617 0.03110 298 234 50 14
1915 I have found it difficult to refrain from texting during performances. 1.2617 0.03181 298 236 46 16
1916 Now, for something softer. 1.2616 0.03210 279 219 47 13
1917 My next number is a real knockout, in three rounds. 1.2616 0.03289 302 243 39 20
1918 Now I'm going to play 4'33'' by John Cage 1.2614 0.03192 306 244 44 18
1919 And now for my next selection, “The fight of the bumblebee.”! 1.2614 0.03457 264 211 37 16
1920 Naturally I belt out music. 1.2613 0.02908 287 219 61 7
1921 And now, I'll play a selection of Muhammad Ali's hits. 1.2613 0.03337 287 230 39 18
1922 And now I'd like to perform a mashup in ALL the majors and minors. 1.2613 0.03263 287 228 43 16
1923 Leeeeet's get ready to rhuuuuuumba! 1.2613 0.03062 310 244 51 15
1924 And for my next number, Beethoven's "Hammerklavier" sonata. 1.2612 0.03253 268 210 46 12
1925 The contract stated I was not allowed to "tickle" the ivories 1.2612 0.03338 268 212 42 14
1926 Tonight I will be playing selections from “The Divorce of Figaro”. 1.2612 0.03232 291 231 44 16
1927 And now, "The Boxer" 1.2611 0.03102 314 249 48 17
1928 Now, I'll knock out a number that you all know. 1.2610 0.03178 272 212 49 11
1929 I HAVE TO HANDAL THE NEXT NUMBER WITH KID GLOVES 1.2610 0.03304 272 215 43 14
1930 They say my performance is a knock out. 1.2610 0.03263 272 214 45 13
1931 I hope that some in the audience tonight will be able to distinguish the downbeat versus the beat down. 1.2610 0.03016 295 229 55 11
1932 This one's for you in the box seats. 1.2609 0.03231 276 217 46 13
1933 This final movement, a rondo played in robust fortissimo, delivers a real knockout! 1.2607 0.02890 303 233 61 9
1934 This next selection is an experimental piece by Philip Glass. 1.2607 0.02964 303 235 57 11
1935 I've been fighting through this song for weeks. 1.2607 0.02964 303 235 57 11
1936 It's a knockout tune. 1.2607 0.03035 280 216 55 9
1937 Quite frankly, I’m much more accustomed to pounding on an organ. 1.2607 0.03118 280 218 51 11
1938 And now the overture from the opera 'Rocky' 1.2606 0.02939 307 238 58 11
1939 And now finally Mr. President, a special piece for you -- a little atonal number you might recall, 'One is the Loneliest Number.' 1.2606 0.03322 284 227 40 17
1940 This next piece is sure to be a knockout. 1.2606 0.03090 284 221 52 11
1941 Hook and Jab in D minor by Johann Sebastian Box 1.2606 0.03130 284 222 50 12
1942 For my next number: Tyson's Overture in B-Flat on Your Back. 1.2606 0.03130 284 222 50 12
1943 They complained I was all thumbs. 1.2606 0.03090 284 221 52 11
1944 I will now play the theme song from "Rocky" . 1.2605 0.03172 261 202 50 9
1945 And now, for the 'modern music' portion of our program .... 1.2604 0.03139 288 226 49 13
1946 Float like a butterfly, sing in B. 1.2604 0.03022 288 223 55 10
1947 Next, I will perform 'Rhapsody in Black and Blue' by Deontay Wilde 1.2604 0.03178 288 227 47 14
1948 To increase the degree of difficulty, I will put on a pair of swim fins. 1.2604 0.03327 288 231 39 18
1949 And now, the Muhammad Allegro. 1.2604 0.03399 288 233 35 20
1950 Yo, Adrian! I did it! 1.2603 0.03294 292 234 40 18
1951 I must apologize for the typo in the program. My name is Bang Bang, not Lang Lang. 1.2603 0.03185 292 231 46 15
1952 That bum is going down in the second movement. 1.2602 0.02974 269 205 58 6
1953 Ladies and Gentlemen, Flight of the Bumblebee like you have never heard played before! 1.2602 0.03368 269 214 40 15
1954 And now, I'd like to play "TKO for Two" 1.2601 0.03045 296 231 53 12
1955 They told me, "Knock yourself out!" 1.2601 0.03414 273 219 37 17
1956 And now, for the Flight of the Pugilist. 1.2601 0.03125 273 212 51 10
1957 My finale will be a unique, spirited medley of fight songs. 1.2601 0.03125 273 212 51 10
1958 And now for a little chin music. 1.2601 0.03168 273 213 49 11
1959 And now for my finale, Rope-a-dope fortissimo 1.2601 0.03252 273 215 45 13
1960 I said I was a pugilist not a pianist! 1.2600 0.03127 300 237 48 15
1961 This rendition is going to be a knock out ! 1.2600 0.02981 300 233 56 11
1962 And for my next piece, 'Float like a butterfly, sting like the Flight of the Bumblebee.' 1.2599 0.03179 277 217 48 12
1963 They said I should "punch it up." 1.2599 0.02922 277 211 60 6
1964 My next selection has a familiar ring to it. 1.2599 0.03096 277 215 52 10
1965 Final Fight Scene from Rocky III, in B Flat" 1.2599 0.03455 277 224 34 19
1966 Pianissimo forget about it, Fortissimo I got..... 1.2599 0.02919 304 235 59 10
1967 And now the theme music from Rocky 1.2598 0.03109 281 219 51 11
1968 I will now knock out the theme from Rocky 1.2596 0.03159 285 224 48 13
1969 Here's a little something for those of you who like less definition. 1.2596 0.03159 285 224 48 13
1970 And now, Chopin's Knockout-turne in B minor. 1.2596 0.03011 312 245 53 14
1971 I will now punch out this little tune.. 1.2595 0.03068 262 201 54 7
1972 I shall now play my new composition, 'Lullaby for Mike Tyson'. 1.2595 0.03470 262 210 36 16
1973 And now a little tune from Johann Sebastian Box. 1.2595 0.03385 262 208 40 14
1974 You could say I'm digitally-challenged. 1.2595 0.03243 289 230 43 16
1975 And now The Mike Tyson Overture. 1.2595 0.03206 289 229 45 15
1976 I will be playing pugilist in D Major. 1.2594 0.03131 266 206 51 9
1977 They said make the finale more punchy! 1.2594 0.03131 266 206 51 9
1978 Wait 'til I take the gloves off 1.2594 0.02993 320 252 53 15
1979 What? You told me to pound it out. 1.2593 0.03232 270 212 46 12
1980 And now, a Canto from Ezra Pound. 1.2593 0.03316 270 214 42 14
1981 Staccato? 1.2593 0.03147 297 235 47 15
1982 And now I would like to perform Rocky's 5th. 1.2593 0.03182 297 236 45 16
1983 Would someone from the audience help me find my keys? 1.2593 0.03232 270 212 46 12
1984 This next one’s called “I’m a failure and my wife’s leaving me.” 1.2591 0.03188 301 240 44 17
1985 And now, Rocky's Symphony No. 5 in C minor. 1.2591 0.03072 274 212 53 9
1986 Symphonie Pugiliste? 1.2591 0.03072 274 212 53 9
1987 Here in the final round is the theme from 'Rocky." 1.2591 0.03200 274 215 47 12
1988 My ivories don't like to be tickled. 1.2591 0.03200 274 215 47 12
1989 . . . and now the theme from Rocky 1.2590 0.03368 278 223 38 17
1990 My next number will be "Fight of the Bumble Bee". 1.2590 0.03290 278 221 42 15
1991 My next piece is the theme from ‘Rocky’! 1.2590 0.03250 278 220 44 14
1992 I will take off the gloves, but I want you to know how it feels to be challenged by Prokofiev. 1.2590 0.03210 278 219 46 13
1993 This next one will be a bit punchier than the last. 1.2590 0.03290 278 221 42 15
1994 Yeah buddy? Come down here, I'll give you discordant notes! 1.2590 0.03128 278 217 50 11
1995 Want to hear a punchy tune? 1.2590 0.03128 278 217 50 11
1996 Did I hear a request for the theme from Rocky? 1.2589 0.02958 309 241 56 12
1997 I can knock out the Minute Waltz in 45 seconds. 1.2589 0.02994 309 242 54 13
1998 '"and now - Franz Listz's My Fisto Waltz" 1.2589 0.03219 282 223 45 14
1999 And now, I would like to play the theme song from the movie, Rocky. 1.2589 0.03372 282 227 37 18
2000 I'd like to close this evening with 'Flight of the Bumblebee.' 1.2587 0.03375 286 231 36 19
2001 And now my original theme for Rocky. 1.2587 0.03264 286 228 42 16
2002 Lllllllets get ready to rumbaaaaaa! 1.2587 0.03264 286 228 42 16
2003 Sharp or flat? 1.2587 0.03188 286 226 46 14
2004 But you said you wanted a more punchy arrangement! 1.2587 0.03182 259 201 49 9
2005 And now a little piece by Victor Borge. 1.2586 0.03043 290 226 53 11
2006 And now, I give you Punchini's "Madam Sting Like a Butterfly." 1.2586 0.02952 321 252 55 14
2007 The Boxer's Rag, by Slapsie Maxie Mendelssohn. 1.2586 0.03373 263 209 40 14
2008 After I am done here, dis piano will be nuttin but chopstiks 1.2586 0.03151 263 204 50 9
2009 And now I will float through Madame Butterfly and sting into Flight of the Bumblebee. 1.2584 0.03253 267 210 45 12
2010 Are you ready to ruuuuumble?!!!!! 1.2584 0.03210 267 209 47 11
2011 Not to mention I've never learned to read music. 1.2584 0.03101 298 235 49 14
2012 Not to brag, but this concerto will be over in one round. 1.2584 0.02794 298 227 65 6
2013 Now for the old one two 1.2583 0.02964 302 235 56 11
2014 This next piece is a big hit! 1.2582 0.03312 275 219 41 15
2015 Would you mind holding your coughing until after the first round? 1.2582 0.03046 306 241 51 14
2016 I've been fighting the urge to play this tune all night long. 1.2581 0.02992 279 215 56 8
2017 And now my rendition of the ham-fisted symphony as inspired by Donald Trump 1.2581 0.03280 279 222 42 15
2018 My next piece will really be a knockout. 1.2581 0.03200 279 220 46 13
2019 ......and in this corner weighing in at 158 pounds in the dark tuxedo, fromVienna, Austria ..... 1.2580 0.03061 314 249 49 16
2020 Let's get ready to r-u-u-u-u-u-mba! 1.2580 0.03049 283 220 53 10
2021 The real problem is my cauliflower ear. 1.2578 0.03140 287 226 48 13
2022 You asked for a heavy hitter! 1.2578 0.03061 287 224 52 11
2023 Gloves come off when they turn up the heat. 1.2578 0.03061 287 224 52 11
2024 ...and to conclude, here is the Welterweight Waltz in B-flat Major. 1.2577 0.03149 291 230 47 14
2025 . . . my own composition, an atonal 'Ode to Donald' . 1.2577 0.03441 260 208 37 15
2026 My next piece is Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2576 0.03529 264 214 32 18
2027 And now, ladies and gentlemen: "'We Will Rock You! 1.2576 0.03405 264 211 38 15
2028 For my next composition, "The ill-tempered clavicle" 1.2576 0.03319 264 209 42 13
2029 This next piece is by Rocky-maninoff. 1.2575 0.03155 268 209 49 10
2030 May I punch out a tune for you? 1.2574 0.03125 272 212 50 10
2031 Okay, it doesn't work for Beethoven, but my Mahler's a knockout! 1.2574 0.03168 272 213 48 11
2032 After 32 variations, I'll be going 12 rounds. 1.2574 0.03253 272 215 44 13
2033 I'm sorry, I only play boxed sets. 1.2572 0.03302 276 220 41 15
2034 Now I'd like to knock out my latest for you! 1.2572 0.03096 276 215 51 10
2035 My next composition is impressionistic with a touch of violence. 1.2570 0.03160 284 224 47 13
2036 And now the punchline! 1.2570 0.03199 284 225 45 14
2037 And now, for my rendition of Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” 1.2569 0.03130 288 227 48 13
2038 I'm going for a knockout performance of Box Sonata #1. 1.2569 0.03130 288 227 48 13
2039 Next! A college fight song composed by Joe Louis. 1.2569 0.03130 288 227 48 13
2040 I will now perform variations on a famous theme of John Cage. 1.2569 0.03130 288 227 48 13
2041 For my encore I’ll play ‘The Boxer’ by Paul Simon 1.2569 0.03459 253 202 37 14
2042 I don’t take requests. 1.2569 0.02944 327 258 54 15
2043 ...and now,the Rocky Sonata 1.2568 0.02985 292 227 55 10
2044 I'd rather be a boxer at a piano than have a piano in my boxers 1.2568 0.03426 292 239 31 22
2045 Excuse me, this piano needs tuning! 1.2568 0.03036 296 232 52 12
2046 And next a rumble in the ensemble. 1.2568 0.02960 296 230 56 10
2047 In this composition I am honoring the heavy-handed approach of two masters - Wilhelm Richard Wagner and Mohammed Ali. 1.2568 0.02960 296 230 56 10
2048 And now, by request, the theme from "Rocky". 1.2568 0.03147 296 235 46 15
2049 This is how I flatten the flats. 1.2567 0.02896 300 232 59 9
2050 And now for the hook. 1.2566 0.03476 265 214 34 17
2051 Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what I learned from Viktor Borge. 1.2566 0.03130 265 206 50 9
2052 ...and now another Simon and Garfunkel favorite- The Boxer. 1.2566 0.03038 265 204 54 7
2053 Box Symphony is just Bach's Symphony but with a nicer ring to it 1.2566 0.03176 265 207 48 10
2054 My last piece is entitled "Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee." 1.2566 0.03160 304 243 44 17
2055 Now one by one of my favorite composers, Sonny Liston. 1.2566 0.02834 304 234 62 8
2056 I have a love- hate relationship with the piano 1.2566 0.02983 304 238 54 12
2057 I hope you find my next number a knock-out. 1.2565 0.03145 269 210 49 10
2058 My next song is about my experience with my stockbroker and his attorney. 1.2565 0.03275 269 213 43 13
2059 Of course I play by the Queensbury rules! 1.2565 0.03189 269 211 47 11
2060 Down an octave goes Frazier! Down an octave goes Frazier! 1.2565 0.02958 308 241 55 12
2061 Welcome to Rocky in E minor 1.2564 0.03200 273 215 46 12
2062 To complete our tribute to the president, I will now play Mueller Said Knock You Out. 1.2564 0.03200 273 215 46 12
2063 Bear with me, I just had a mani-pedi. 1.2563 0.03000 277 214 55 8
2064 Is my playing too aggressive? 1.2563 0.02851 320 249 60 11
2065 I am just a poor boy But my story is seldom told... 1.2563 0.03018 320 254 50 16
2066 And now I shall play Wagner... 1.2562 0.03219 281 223 44 14
2067 With so many notes, it's always a fight to the finish! 1.2562 0.03057 281 219 52 10
2068 I will now play the Joe Louis lullaby. 1.2562 0.02973 281 217 56 8
2069 I’m afraid I can only take requests for something from “The Ring” cycle. 1.2561 0.03030 285 222 53 10
2070 Concerto for Raging Bull in E Minor 1.2561 0.03265 285 228 41 16
2071 For obvious reasons, I will not be performing “Chopsticks’ tonight. 1.2561 0.03159 289 229 46 14
2072 I call it, "Concerto in A-minor Concussion for Graziano and flute." 1.2561 0.03082 289 227 50 12
2073 I’ve been informed that this is a piano. Thank you. 1.2561 0.03234 289 231 42 16
2074 But the maestro said this was a Boxing Day concert. 1.2561 0.03003 289 225 54 10
2075 And now a new medley for those in the audience who are tone deaf 1.2560 0.03130 293 232 47 14
2076 This version of " Flight of the bumble bee" was inspired by the late Cassius Clay. 1.2560 0.03167 293 233 45 15
2077 The starting note is "ding ding ding". 1.2560 0.02977 293 228 55 10
2078 I'm gonna play the Rocky theme. 1.2559 0.03027 297 233 52 12
2079 Next will be the theme from Rocky 1.2558 0.03321 258 204 42 12
2080 So, how does your school’s fight song go?” 1.2558 0.02926 301 234 57 10
2081 For my next number I'll play the Thrilla in Manila Concerto by Frazier. 1.2558 0.03180 301 241 43 17
2082 A special technique is required for the arpeggios. 1.2557 0.03020 309 244 51 14
2083 It's a Cage session. 1.2556 0.03306 270 215 41 14
2084 And now, by your request, the Love Theme from 'Rocky'. 1.2556 0.03221 270 213 45 12
2085 For my last number, Floats Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee 1.2554 0.03159 278 219 47 12
2086 Up next, my classical one-two combo. 1.2553 0.03006 282 219 54 9
2087 Next, my rendition of The Nutcracker. 1.2552 0.03101 286 225 49 12
2088 I regret auditioning for Rocky the Musical 1.2552 0.03101 286 225 49 12
2089 And now, ladies and gentlemen: Für Evander. 1.2552 0.03297 290 234 38 18
2090 This next piece was first performed in Paris in 1913. It was quite controversial for the time, and fights broke out among the audience. 1.2552 0.02954 290 225 56 9
2091 And now I will play Dance Like a Butterfly and Sting Like a Bumblebee by Rimsky Ali 1.2552 0.03261 290 233 40 17
2092 This song goes out to my father. 1.2552 0.03187 290 231 44 15
2093 And now, "Mitten on the Keys." 1.2552 0.03261 290 233 40 17
2094 yeah,well if I could box,do you think I'd be trying to play this thing? 1.2551 0.03120 294 233 47 14
2095 Sorry I'm late, folks! I had to fight my way through traffic. 1.2551 0.03045 294 231 51 12
2096 I'm sorry...did you say you have a request? 1.2550 0.03055 298 235 50 13
2097 Ok, I'm gonna' need an eight count for this next one... 1.2550 0.03164 298 238 44 16
2098 This next piece is from the opera “Don King Giovanni.” 1.2550 0.03092 298 236 48 14
2099 ...and a special thanks to Performers Insurance Co. for finding a way to reduce my premiums. 1.2550 0.03092 298 236 48 14
2100 A little help here? 1.2550 0.02980 298 233 54 11
2101 And now I'd like to pound out a little number from Mozart. 1.2549 0.03038 306 242 50 14
2102 The optional ear plugs are under your seat. 1.2548 0.03011 310 245 51 14
2103 They all laughed when I sat down at the piano... 1.2546 0.03253 271 215 43 13
2104 This one will knock you off your feet. 1.2545 0.03262 275 219 42 14
2105 This next piece is from the Ring cycle. 1.2545 0.03221 275 218 44 13
2106 Whew! Rough house! 1.2545 0.03008 275 213 54 8
2107 And now, Sonata No. 6, by Rockymaninoff 1.2545 0.03149 279 220 47 12
2108 This next piece is titled Füry Elise. 1.2545 0.03230 279 222 43 14
2109 ...and now the band and I would like to punch out a couple of old favorites. 1.2545 0.02981 279 216 55 8
2110 I thought you requested the "Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.2545 0.03270 279 223 41 15
2111 I need my mouthpiece! 1.2545 0.03149 279 220 47 12
2112 Box Magnificat 1.2544 0.03352 283 229 36 18
2113 This next tune was popular during The Boxer Rebellion. 1.2544 0.02955 283 219 56 8
2114 This piece is in "Stallone staccato". 1.2544 0.02997 283 220 54 9
2115 This is one I call 'Beethoven's 9th Round.' 1.2544 0.03120 283 223 48 12
2116 Yo, Liberace. 1.2544 0.03199 283 225 44 14
2117 Oops. Wrong venue, wrong night. 1.2544 0.02997 283 220 54 9
2118 Sugar Ray Charles 1.2544 0.03039 283 221 52 10
2119 This one is called "The Fight of The Bumble Bee." 1.2544 0.03052 287 225 51 11
2120 It's easier than the violin. 1.2544 0.03169 287 228 45 14
2121 My repertory is limited...I can only play rounds 1.2544 0.03091 287 226 49 12
2122 I will now try Bach-sing. 1.2544 0.03282 287 231 39 17
2123 I want to get the hell home so I'm just going to knock this piece out quickly. 1.2544 0.03130 287 227 47 13
2124 Now, the Beethoven Piano Sonata #8 ‘Pathetique’ as interpreted by Muhammad Ali. 1.2544 0.02887 287 221 59 7
2125 I shall now play the "I AM THE GREATEST" Sonata I composed in memory of Muhammad Ali. 1.2544 0.03130 287 227 47 13
2126 I will now play from Wagner's Ring Cycle. Round One. 1.2542 0.02998 295 231 53 11
2127 The Boxer Rebellion concerto 1.2542 0.03119 299 238 46 15
2128 They're called Chopsticks preventers. 1.2542 0.03190 299 240 42 17
2129 And now our main event – Beethoven's Sonata in C minor, in 12 rounds 1.2542 0.02817 299 230 62 7
2130 Box Fugue in D minor 1.2539 0.02986 319 253 51 15
2131 I'm just going to play a little rope-a-dope until I find middle C. 1.2539 0.03239 256 201 45 10
2132 I wanted to be a boxer, but mother made me take piano lessons. 1.2539 0.02828 323 252 60 11
2133 Clair de lune? What key? 1.2538 0.03160 260 203 48 9
2134 Excuse me, the keys are too small. 1.2538 0.03308 264 210 41 13
2135 And now, for your listening pleasure, I'd like to knock out this little number. 1.2537 0.03100 268 209 50 9
2136 I wouldn't say "tickling the keys" is my style. 1.2537 0.03114 272 213 49 10
2137 The critics all say that anything I might be lacking in finesse, I more than make up for in punch. 1.2537 0.03200 272 215 45 12
2138 I’m not sure Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” is supposed to be played like this.” 1.2537 0.03200 272 215 45 12
2139 And now for a nuanced little mashup I call 'Étude, Sonny Liszton?' 1.2536 0.03211 276 219 44 13
2140 And now in Fortississimo. 1.2536 0.03098 280 220 49 11
2141 And now, Ravel's Piano Concerto in D for Southpaws. 1.2535 0.03228 284 227 42 15
2142 These piece symbolizes both internal and external conflict 1.2535 0.02988 284 221 54 9
2143 Tickling the ivories got old. 1.2535 0.02860 284 218 60 6
2144 Why is this piano out of tune? 1.2535 0.03228 284 227 42 15
2145 And now, I will take Beethoven to the 12th." 1.2535 0.03189 284 226 44 14
2146 And now I'll perform my latest big hit. 1.2535 0.03029 284 222 52 10
2147 Oh. Bach? 1.2535 0.03042 288 226 51 11
2148 It gives the music the right hook 1.2535 0.03272 288 232 39 17
2149 This sonata will knock you out. 1.2534 0.02976 292 228 54 10
2150 Each song will be followed by a 1-minute intermission. 1.2534 0.02976 292 228 54 10
2151 This next piece is a little punchy. 1.2534 0.02791 296 227 63 6
2152 I'm just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told... 1.2533 0.03181 300 241 42 17
2153 For round 1 I will be performing Fight of the Bumble Bee 1.2533 0.03011 304 240 51 13
2154 I shall now bust your Chopsticks. 1.2533 0.03117 304 243 45 16
2155 Tickling the ivories? Uh, no. I don't think so. 1.2532 0.02949 308 242 54 12
2156 I call this next piece,"Fight of the Bumblebees." 1.2532 0.03003 316 251 50 15
2157 And, when the burgers are done , this George Foreman grill turns into a grand piano ." 1.2531 0.02920 324 256 54 14
2158 And now, the impossible: Chopstix! 1.2530 0.03084 328 265 43 20
2159 My current album comes in a boxed set 1.2530 0.03213 253 198 46 9
2160 Don’t Laugh! This will be a knockout! 1.2529 0.03287 261 207 42 12
2161 Sorry, doctor's orders to stop biting my nails." 1.2529 0.03149 261 204 48 9
2162 My next piece will be a Concerto in 15 Movements, or Until the Referee Stops the Concert. 1.2528 0.03306 269 215 40 14
2163 DOWN goes Mahler...DOWN goes Mahler.... 1.2528 0.03178 269 212 46 11
2164 playing piano is nothing compared to getting dressed. 1.2527 0.03360 277 224 36 17
2165 And next, I'll be playing,"Fight of the Bumblebees." 1.2527 0.03159 277 219 46 12
2166 I will now play the theme from "Rocky". 1.2527 0.03241 277 221 42 14
2167 For my encore, Chopin’s lesser-known ‘Mitten Waltz’... 1.2527 0.03200 277 220 44 13
2168 My next selection is Paul Simon's "The Boxer". 1.2527 0.02919 281 217 57 7
2169 It's for your protection and mine. 1.2527 0.03170 281 223 45 13
2170 And now, Variations on Theme From Rocky. 1.2527 0.03170 281 223 45 13
2171 And now, Beethoven’s Right Hook, in D. 1.2526 0.03179 285 227 44 14
2172 What happens in Piano club...stays in piano club. 1.2526 0.03218 285 228 42 15
2173 They laughed when I say down to play. They're not laughing now. 1.2526 0.03149 289 230 45 14
2174 In the spirit of this Holiday Concert, and to celebrate the diversity of the season, I will now perform a special Boxing Day carol. 1.2526 0.03262 289 233 39 17
2175 I thought you said you wanted me to knock out a tune?... 1.2526 0.03072 289 228 49 12
2176 Taking the gloves off is not mentioned in the composer’s original manuscript. 1.2526 0.02967 293 229 54 10
2177 This piece was written for no hands. 1.2526 0.03121 293 233 46 14
2178 This is from my latest box set. 1.2526 0.03006 293 230 52 11
2179 I've never been much of a tickler. 1.2526 0.03158 293 234 44 15
2180 Now I will play for you 'Sting Like A Bee.' 1.2526 0.03231 293 236 40 17
2181 Welcome to Ultimate Piano Club 1.2525 0.03055 297 235 49 13
2182 This next piece needs a little punching up. 1.2525 0.03129 297 237 45 15
2183 My Carpal tunnel's flaring up again. 1.2525 0.02941 297 232 55 10
2184 Louie, Louie" again? Well, if you insist.. 1.2525 0.03055 297 235 49 13
2185 Now for Mozart's Piano Sonata in Sting Like a Bee-Major. 1.2525 0.03092 297 236 47 14
2186 I believe single notes are banal and over-rated. 1.2525 0.03055 297 235 49 13
2187 Are you ready for some chin music 1.2525 0.03065 301 239 48 14
2188 At least I'm no longer "all thumbs" 1.2525 0.03028 301 238 50 13
2189 Now that I've answered my critics, I shall play music from 'Requiem for a Heavyweight' " 1.2525 0.02778 305 235 63 7
2190 And now for a slow rendition of Flight of the Bumblebee 1.2525 0.03142 305 245 43 17
2191 Refunds will be available in the lobby. 1.2525 0.03038 305 242 49 14
2192 I call it Concerto Marciano. 1.2524 0.02832 309 240 60 9
2193 The former champ came to understand his new pursuit required a different set of skills. 1.2520 0.03250 254 200 44 10
2194 Yes, of course I play by ear 1.2520 0.03344 254 202 40 12
2195 Harolds worst nightmare, trying out for the "L.A. PHILHARMONIC" 1.2519 0.03444 258 208 35 15
2196 This evening I will be performing The Hagler-Hearns Concerto No. 2 in Three Rounds. 1.2519 0.03185 262 206 46 10
2197 And for the tenth,and final,round,I shall play Chopsticks. 1.2519 0.03364 262 210 38 14
2198 Let me just punch this number out. 1.2519 0.03286 266 212 41 13
2199 This is why it is called The Unfinished Symphony. 1.2519 0.03199 266 210 45 11
2200 And now for Rockymaniovs's Concerto No. 3 1.2519 0.03154 266 209 47 10
2201 Float like a butterfly, pound on the keys. 1.2519 0.03286 266 212 41 13
2202 This one will knock you out! 1.2519 0.03124 270 212 48 10
2203 And now for a short Roundo by Vladimir Fisticuffski. 1.2519 0.03168 270 213 46 11
2204 And now my musical portrait of Muhamad Ali... 1.2518 0.03180 274 217 45 12
2205 I offer Republican Chopsticks for our times. 1.2518 0.03344 274 221 37 16
2206 I will now punch out the theme from Rocky. 1.2517 0.03051 286 225 50 11
2207 My next piece is John Cage's 4'33 1.2517 0.03051 286 225 50 11
2208 Let’s get ready to rumbaaaaa! 1.2517 0.02969 286 223 54 9
2209 It's a clause in my insurance contract. 1.2517 0.03051 286 225 50 11
2210 At your request, Rocky's Fourth! 1.2517 0.03130 286 227 46 13
2211 My performance will float like Madame Butterfly and sting like Flight of the Bumble Bee. 1.2517 0.03252 290 234 39 17
2212 I prefer to pound rather than tickle the ivories! 1.2517 0.02944 290 226 55 9
2213 Are you suggesting there is a problem with my technique? 1.2517 0.03111 294 234 46 14
2214 ...and next I will perform the theme from"Rocky" 1.2517 0.03074 294 233 48 13
2215 This is my warm-up number. 1.2517 0.02878 294 228 58 8
2216 Yo, maestro! 1.2517 0.03046 298 236 49 13
2217 Next, I'll be playing a classic piece by Muhammad Ali. 1.2517 0.03083 298 237 47 14
2218 Once again, Henry was faced with the question: was he a lover, or a fighter? 1.2517 0.03083 298 237 47 14
2219 Tonight I’m going to play The Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2517 0.02983 302 238 52 12
2220 Tonight and one night only: Bach-y Balboa! 1.2517 0.03019 302 239 50 13
2221 This next piece is by Sergei Knockyerblockoff. 1.2516 0.02968 310 245 52 13
2222 I was thinking of the President when I wrote this piece, it’s really great. 1.2516 0.03052 318 255 46 17
2223 And now, Mozart's Sonata for middleweight southpaw in A Minor 1.2516 0.02779 318 247 62 9
2224 And now the Symphonic Dances by Rockymaninoff 1.2510 0.03298 259 206 41 12
2225 Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. 1.2510 0.03159 259 203 47 9
2226 And now, Interlude, by Rocky Maninoff. 1.2510 0.03388 259 208 37 14
2227 So! I’m not all thumbs!! 1.2509 0.03200 271 215 44 12
2228 You want me to do what?? 1.2509 0.03293 275 221 39 15
2229 ...and for my next piece, here's 'Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like A Bee.' 1.2509 0.03098 279 220 48 11
2230 Here is the musical stylings of the Black Eyed Keys. 1.2509 0.03028 283 222 51 10
2231 Last time this piece got the better of me..... 1.2509 0.03190 283 226 43 14
2232 If anybody shouts, "Yo, Adrian," you will be removed from the premises. 1.2509 0.03150 283 225 45 13
2233 This is how I knock out the hits. 1.2509 0.03069 283 223 49 11
2234 I never wanted piano lessons. 1.2509 0.03110 283 224 47 12
2235 And now Mister President, I shall play the “Minute Waltz” in 47 seconds. 1.2509 0.02960 287 224 54 9
2236 And now, for my grand finale, Fight of the Bumblebees 1.2509 0.03081 287 227 48 12
2237 For my next performance I'd like to punch out a little ditty. 1.2509 0.02975 291 228 53 10
2238 I'm thrilled to finally reach the "Knock-Out Round" of this prestigious competition. 1.2509 0.02975 291 228 53 10
2239 next round's on me... 1.2508 0.03064 295 234 48 13
2240 And now, "Fly Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee" 1.2508 0.03026 295 233 50 12
2241 Who knew playing "The Boxer" would prove this challenging ? 1.2508 0.03102 295 235 46 14
2242 I would like to begin my Simon and Garfunkel medley with “The Boxer”. 1.2508 0.02830 295 228 60 7
2243 And my next piece will be "Uppercut in D Minor" 1.2508 0.03074 299 238 47 14
2244 I will now play the Rachmaninoff Prelude in A through G minor. 1.2508 0.03110 299 239 45 15
2245 And now, variations on a theme by Marciano. 1.2508 0.02885 299 233 57 9
2246 And in this corner...Rocky Rachmaninoff !!! 1.2508 0.03255 303 247 36 20
2247 And now: Box Fugue in D Major. 1.2508 0.03020 307 244 49 14
2248 Just in case I get in treble while playing. 1.2508 0.02959 311 246 52 13
2249 Play it again, but this time make it punchier! 1.2508 0.02877 319 251 56 12
2250 You should hear me play the zither. 1.2500 0.03104 272 214 48 10
2251 Tonight I only play music from the Rocky films. 1.2500 0.02935 284 221 55 8
2252 No,I said I was going to play the “flight” of the bumblebee ! 1.2500 0.03170 280 223 44 13
2253 It was The Boxer Rebellion in C Sharp Minor. 1.2500 0.03158 292 234 43 15
2254 It would be best if you sang in rounds. 1.2500 0.02929 304 239 54 11
2255 Here’s a little number I made popular back in my club days 1.2500 0.03100 284 225 47 12
2256 I call this composition, 'Hey Kids, Get Away From The Piano!' 1.2500 0.03133 268 211 47 10
2257 Any problem? Meet me outside! 1.2500 0.03210 280 224 42 14
2258 Well, I only minored in music. My degree is in the martial arts. 1.2500 0.03148 260 204 47 9
2259 I tried facing the music but got hit with a one two. 1.2500 0.03218 284 228 41 15
2260 This isn't quite what I thought they meant by "dueling pianos". 1.2500 0.03044 292 231 49 12
2261 We're trying for a new demographic 1.2500 0.03227 256 202 44 10
2262 And now, “glovesticks”. 1.2500 0.03367 256 205 38 13
2263 And now, my unique version of "Sock It ToMe! 1.2500 0.03060 272 213 50 9
2264 Get ready for something punchy. 1.2500 0.03088 312 251 44 17
2265 This one has a very catchy hook” 1.2500 0.03147 272 215 46 11
2266 Below the belt? I'm not even using the pedals. 1.2500 0.03164 264 208 46 10
2267 Well, you said to punch it up a bit." 1.2500 0.02949 268 207 55 6
2268 In the future, there will be fewer nuances. 1.2500 0.02916 312 246 54 12
2269 They wanted me to stop tickling the ivories 1.2500 0.03100 284 225 47 12
2270 I will now play selections frrom "The Ring Cycle ". 1.2492 0.03011 313 250 48 15
2271 ...And by special request, I'll be playing the theme to "Rocky". 1.2492 0.03019 301 239 49 13
2272 Agreed--but wait till you hear my double glissando. 1.2492 0.02970 297 234 52 11
2273 I shall now perform Basie's Down For The Count. 1.2492 0.02853 297 231 58 8
2274 For my next number, I will play Beat Me Daddy, Eight to the Bar. 1.2491 0.03073 293 233 47 13
2275 You were expecting maybe the guy with the candlabra? 1.2491 0.03023 289 228 50 11
2276 This is not, what I had in mind for dueling pianos ! 1.2491 0.03062 289 229 48 12
2277 I guess I'll just roll with the punches 1.2491 0.03010 285 224 51 10
2278 And in this corner, coming in at 5'10" and 155 pounds, his C major will bring you off your seat, the pianist from Vienna... 1.2491 0.02968 285 223 53 9
2279 My next selection will be from the Ring Cycle 1.2491 0.03037 281 221 50 10
2280 That’s OK! I’m all thumbs anyways! 1.2491 0.02952 281 219 54 8
2281 Tonight, you will hear me pound the keys like I've never done before. 1.2491 0.03231 277 222 41 14
2282 Rachmaninov: Piano Concerto No.2 as adapted by Rocky Marciano 1.2491 0.03107 277 219 47 11
2283 Ladies and Gentlemen, Wagner's 'Ring Cycle.' 1.2491 0.03107 277 219 47 11
2284 And now, Muhammad Ali's "Float of the Butterfly" 1.2491 0.03296 269 216 39 14
2285 Now a little something from Wagner’s “Ring of the Mittelveight”. 1.2491 0.03061 265 207 50 8
2286 Some consider my interpretation to be aggressive 1.2491 0.03286 265 212 40 13
2287 At least wait for the hook. 1.2490 0.02944 261 201 55 5
2288 The next song I will be performing is sure to be a knockout. 1.2490 0.03320 261 209 39 13
2289 Just a little something I put together for the Boxing Day annual concert. 1.2490 0.03216 257 203 44 10
2290 It's 'Chopsticks' but with a 3.2 degree of difficulty. 1.2484 0.03011 318 255 47 16
2291 And now for the main event... 1.2484 0.02792 314 245 60 9
2292 Paderewski? I'll moider de bum! 1.2484 0.03029 310 248 47 15
2293 For the boxed set. 1.2484 0.03029 310 248 47 15
2294 Okay, who wants to hear some Mahler? 1.2483 0.03153 302 244 41 17
2295 But first, Rockymaninoff’s ‘The Pugilist’s Prelude‘ . 1.2483 0.03188 302 245 39 18
2296 And for my next piece, I’ll need the assistance of someone in the audience, preferably the abusive guy in the corner... 1.2483 0.02923 298 234 54 10
2297 And in this corner.......Liszt-loving, Bach-breaking, Mozart-mauling .....two-handed "Steinway Tommy Tune"!! 1.2483 0.03110 298 239 44 15
2298 The next composition is John Cage's "Music for Muhammad Ali". 1.2483 0.03014 290 229 50 11
2299 And for my next piece; 'Rocky V' in A minor. 1.2483 0.03130 290 232 44 14
2300 Shut the fuck up. 1.2483 0.03422 290 240 28 22
2301 For my encore, the theme from 'Rocky.' 1.2483 0.03081 286 227 47 12
2302 And now a piece from Wagner's lesser-known Boxing Ring Trilogy. 1.2483 0.03198 286 230 41 15
2303 I thought you requested a Box Trot! 1.2483 0.03041 286 226 49 11
2304 I've always considered Schubert a challenge. 1.2482 0.03027 282 222 50 10
2305 It's called dueling piano. 1.2482 0.02969 278 217 53 8
2306 My next number, a sing-along, is also a round . 1.2482 0.03084 274 216 48 10
2307 Guess I grabbed the wrong bag at the airport 1.2481 0.03200 270 215 43 12
2308 Now my interpretation of Simon & Garfunkel's The Boxer. 1.2481 0.03023 270 211 51 8
2309 For my next number, "Baby It's Cold Outside. 1.2481 0.03605 262 217 25 20
2310 Now, for a more muscular piece. 1.2481 0.02934 262 202 55 5
2311 He got hit pretty hard, i think he has a Percussion 1.2481 0.03396 262 212 35 15
2312 And now for my rather unique rendition of Beethoven's 5th 1.2476 0.02902 319 253 53 13
2313 I thought you said "bach". 1.2476 0.02879 311 245 55 11
2314 This is my interpretation of Wagners "Ring" Cycle. 1.2475 0.03001 303 241 49 13
2315 Live at the Apollo Creed 1.2475 0.03173 299 242 40 17
2316 Now, I will wear my Bach-sing gloves. 1.2475 0.03129 295 237 43 15
2317 Perhaps my tribute to Boxing Day was ill-informed. 1.2475 0.02900 295 231 55 9
2318 My next selection is Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata in three rounds. 1.2474 0.02866 287 223 57 7
2319 What do you mean I am off key? 1.2473 0.03140 283 226 44 13
2320 I hope you like my version of a song made famous by Simon & Garfunkel. 1.2473 0.03003 279 219 51 9
2321 It's my way of conveying the world's dissonance. 1.2473 0.03170 279 223 43 13
2322 Before I start, are there any complaints about the program? 1.2473 0.03210 279 224 41 14
2323 Knockout in the fifth movement. 1.2473 0.03290 279 226 37 16
2324 I shall now play "Flight of the Sting Like A Bee." 1.2473 0.03170 279 223 43 13
2325 This next piece is from the opera 'Bin Nacht aut'. 1.2473 0.03201 275 220 42 13
2326 Now here's the main theme from Rocky. 1.2473 0.02941 275 214 54 7
2327 The judges had warned Marcel that his habit of picking his nose between sets made the other contestants uneasy. Yet their solution seemed harsh....and made it difficult for him to compete. 1.2472 0.03232 271 217 41 13
2328 For my next number, I'd like a stool, a mouthpiece and a round girl from the audience.... 1.2472 0.03146 271 215 45 11
2329 For my next piece I will play "The Fight of the Bumblebee" 1.2472 0.03177 267 212 44 11
2330 Lie-la-lie... lie-la-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie... 1.2471 0.03469 263 215 31 17
2331 I will now play some of Beethoven's VERY early works. 1.2471 0.03298 263 211 39 13
2332 Float like a butterfly, sting on the keys. 1.2471 0.03147 259 204 46 9
2333 And here's my rendition of Boxing Matilda. 1.2471 0.03178 255 201 45 9
2334 Sorry, was I a little flat? 1.2470 0.03161 251 197 46 8
2335 This next number is inspired by the life of Mike Tyson. 1.2468 0.02952 316 252 50 14
2336 I'll now play a little-known Wagner piece, "The Boxing Ring." 1.2468 0.02895 308 243 54 11
2337 And more, much more than this, I did it Steeeiiinway. 1.2468 0.02783 308 240 60 8
2338 It adds a little punch to my Bach.. 1.2467 0.02919 304 240 53 11
2339 It is so damn hard to follow my dreams simultaneously. 1.2467 0.03064 304 244 45 15
2340 This one is called "Saved by the Bell" 1.2467 0.02906 300 236 54 10
2341 Can somebody give me a hand? 1.2467 0.02906 300 236 54 10
2342 I'm afraid I've boxed myself into a corner with this concerto. 1.2467 0.02666 300 230 66 4
2343 Every hit song needs a memorable left hook. 1.2466 0.02811 296 230 59 7
2344 Rachmaninov wasn't challenging enough. 1.2466 0.03192 296 240 39 17
2345 Next up is Rachmaninoff’s little known submission for the "Theme from Rocky" 1.2466 0.03186 292 236 40 16
2346 Did I hear a request for “Chopsticks”? 1.2466 0.03111 292 234 44 14
2347 I’d think twice about criticizing my playing” 1.2466 0.02996 292 231 50 11
2348 And now, Rocky-maninoff! 1.2465 0.03022 288 228 49 11
2349 I will perform ‘Variations on a theme by Liston’ composed by Ali. 1.2465 0.03062 288 229 47 12
2350 ...and the Fourth Movement: "graziano ma non marciano." 1.2465 0.03022 288 228 49 11
2351 For my next piece :"The fight of the Bumblebee 1.2465 0.02967 284 223 52 9
2352 I hope you enjoy this punchy little number. 1.2464 0.03160 280 224 43 13
2353 And now, the theme from Rocky, with a salute to Victor Borge. 1.2464 0.03119 280 223 45 12
2354 This composition is called 'The Thrilla in Manila.' 1.2464 0.03160 280 224 43 13
2355 I have chosen to play The Marquess of Queensberry's First Piano Sonata in A Minor. 1.2464 0.03160 280 224 43 13
2356 ...And now the theme from Raging Bull 1.2464 0.03107 276 219 46 11
2357 I'm going to dedicate this next song to the back row. 1.2463 0.03179 272 217 43 12
2358 I only perform once a year - On Boxers Day. 1.2462 0.03242 264 211 41 12
2359 You will each find a pair of ear plugs under your seat. 1.2462 0.03415 264 215 33 16
2360 I will now play Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer”. 1.2462 0.03230 260 207 42 11
2361 I call this one "It's hard to sexually assault someone when you can't unzip your fly". (Louis C.K. 2019 Comeback Tour) 1.2461 0.03050 321 260 43 18
2362 Intermission will be in three minutes. 1.2461 0.03216 256 203 43 10
2363 Tickling the ivories" is so last century 1.2460 0.03344 252 202 38 12
2364 My next piece will attempt to float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. 1.2460 0.02899 313 248 53 12
2365 Tonight I'll be playing the theme from Rocky XVII. 1.2460 0.03003 313 251 47 15
2366 I call it "Pounding on the keys like a goddamned Ape.' 1.2459 0.02984 305 243 49 13
2367 Without these I’m all thumbs! 1.2459 0.02984 305 243 49 13
2368 For tonight's performance, I will be playing 'Rocky's Theme Song' in D Minor. 1.2459 0.03368 244 195 38 11
2369 Once you hear this next song composed by Cassius Clay you will know why he changed his name to Mohammed Ali 1.2458 0.03118 301 243 42 16
2370 And now ladies and gentlemen, you may remove the complimentary earplugs. 1.2458 0.02935 301 238 52 11
2371 Chopin's “Etude in G# minor Has always been a battle for me... 1.2458 0.03010 301 240 48 13
2372 And now, one of my own compositions! 1.2458 0.03010 301 240 48 13
2373 let me punch out a few of my hits 1.2458 0.03111 297 239 43 15
2374 What's funny? 1.2458 0.02961 297 235 51 11
2375 I’d like to dedicate this next number to the inspirational Muhammad Ali. 1.2458 0.02961 297 235 51 11
2376 I will now play, Float Like A Butterfly,Sting like a Bee. 1.2458 0.03074 297 238 45 14
2377 I wear them because these ivories are so ticklish. 1.2457 0.03025 293 233 48 12
2378 Ladies and Gentleman, Bachy Balboa! 1.2457 0.02986 293 232 50 11
2379 Would Ed Sullivan have loved this, or what! 1.2457 0.03053 289 230 47 12
2380 And now, Pummel in Fugue in 5 rounds 1.2457 0.02973 289 228 51 10
2381 Is this the "sting like a bee" part? 1.2456 0.02958 285 224 52 9
2382 I call it the “Butterfly Sonata”, in the key of Sting-Like-a-B. 1.2456 0.03199 285 230 40 15
2383 I really like to belt out a song. 1.2456 0.03026 281 222 49 10
2384 I will now do my performance art version of "Flight of the Bumble Bee" 1.2454 0.03083 273 216 47 10
2385 My stylist says it helps the nail polish last longer. 1.2454 0.03083 273 216 47 10
2386 You said pianoforte, didn’t you? 1.2454 0.03169 273 218 43 12
2387 They work better on the kettle drums 1.2454 0.03112 269 213 46 10
2388 Next, my own composition: "The Ring." 1.2454 0.03200 269 215 42 12
2389 You want me to bang this one out, don't you? 1.2454 0.03156 269 214 44 11
2390 This next piece is something I like to call "Dueling Piano." 1.2453 0.02936 318 254 50 14
2391 Now, " I would like to play the theme from "Rocky". 1.2452 0.02994 314 252 47 15
2392 And now, the theme for Rocky XVII 1.2452 0.02891 314 249 53 12
2393 I call this `Broken Piano`. 1.2452 0.03173 261 207 44 10
2394 I have a request from Agnes for a punchy tune 1.2452 0.02915 310 246 52 12
2395 of course I'm wearing a cup 1.2452 0.03054 310 250 44 16
2396 Which one is Middle C? 1.2451 0.03081 306 247 43 16
2397 And now, Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer." 1.2451 0.02902 306 242 53 11
2398 Let's get ready to Rachmaninoff! 1.2451 0.03150 306 249 39 18
2399 Now for tonight’ s last request : BADDA-BING, BADDA -BANG. 1.2450 0.03037 302 242 46 14
2400 For my finale I will play a new composition titled "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." 1.2450 0.03221 249 197 43 9
2401 I will now perform "Fight of the Bumblebees" 1.2450 0.02874 298 234 55 9
2402 I'm going to punch up this next number a bit. 1.2450 0.02913 298 235 53 10
2403 And now I will play my homage to John Cage. 1.2450 0.02952 298 236 51 11
2404 I will now play the theme song from "Requiem for a Heavy Weight. 1.2449 0.02938 294 232 52 10
2405 Looks like we have a music critic in the audience! 1.2449 0.03016 294 234 48 12
2406 And now, a variation on ‘Flight of the Bumble Bee,’ I like to call, ‘Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee!’ 1.2449 0.03092 294 236 44 14
2407 This next number is called 'Fists of Fury'. 1.2449 0.03092 294 236 44 14
2408 Here's a Gershwin favorite that really knocks me out... 1.2448 0.03043 290 231 47 12
2409 In my next piece ... I will float like the "Butterfly", sing like a bee. 1.2448 0.03043 290 231 47 12
2410 Now I will play something a little softer. 1.2448 0.03043 290 231 47 12
2411 This is the only way to fight through Bach! 1.2448 0.03289 241 191 41 9
2412 I will now be playing the theme to ‘Rocky’. 1.2448 0.03031 286 227 48 11
2413 I call this next piece, “The Stomping Elephant” 1.2448 0.03071 286 228 46 12
2414 I didn't literally mean "I would punch out a tune" 1.2448 0.02949 286 225 52 9
2415 And now, Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov’s little known composition, “Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like The Flight of The Bumblebee”. 1.2447 0.03099 282 225 45 12
2416 I hope you enjoy tonight's concert. It is a real knockout 1.2447 0.02975 282 222 51 9
2417 These are to prevent me from “tickling the ivories”.... 1.2446 0.02712 327 256 62 9
2418 ‘And now for a tribute to Mohammed Ali.” 1.2446 0.02914 278 217 54 7
2419 They said this piece was a sure knock-out 1.2445 0.03116 274 218 45 11
2420 We're going to pick up the pace. For the next number, I'm going to play something a little more punchy. 1.2445 0.02984 274 215 51 8
2421 As my hero said, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a Flight of the Bumble Bee". 1.2445 0.02984 274 215 51 8
2422 My next number will be 'Kitten On the Keys.' 1.2445 0.03323 274 223 35 16
2423 I was told to give the ivories a good pounding. 1.2444 0.03232 270 217 40 13
2424 I’d like to punch out a few tunes from my new CD. 1.2444 0.02919 270 210 54 6
2425 For my next selection I shall perform for you Mozart's Rope-a-Dope Concerto in E minor. 1.2444 0.03189 270 216 42 12
2426 I’ll do the next song a cappella. 1.2444 0.03176 266 212 43 11
2427 Some football players do ballet in the off-season, I do this 1.2444 0.03131 266 211 45 10
2428 Hey, it's boxing day! 1.2444 0.03221 266 213 41 12
2429 And finally, Marciano’s Scherzo per Due Pugni 1.2442 0.03193 258 205 43 10
2430 FOR HIT SONGS ONLY 1.2442 0.03193 258 205 43 10
2431 For my encore, a knockturne by Sullivan... John L., 1.2441 0.03092 299 241 43 15
2432 And now for my grand finale, I shall perform my very special rendition of that classic Simon and Garfunkle hit, "The Boxer." 1.2441 0.02905 299 236 53 10
2433 And now, AADRIAANNN!..in C minor. 1.2441 0.03120 295 238 42 15
2434 And now, a new composition for Boxing Day. 1.2441 0.03045 295 236 46 13
2435 This next piece requires a soft touch 1.2441 0.03007 295 235 48 12
2436 Good evening, Palookaville. Before I begin the Mussorgsky, it is imperative you understand that I coulda been a contender. 1.2440 0.02955 291 230 51 10
2437 Now I will perform Rocky Maninoff's Conflicto #13 in Duh-Minor. 1.2440 0.03073 291 233 45 13
2438 My next piece is “Float like a butterfly” 1.2440 0.03034 291 232 47 12
2439 I'm putting a new spin on a John Cage classic 1.2440 0.03034 291 232 47 12
2440 Please ring the bell in the key of E. 1.2440 0.02832 291 227 57 7
2441 Don’t make me take the gloves off. 1.2440 0.02955 291 230 51 10
2442 This next piece is called “STELLA!!!!!!!” in D minor. 1.2439 0.02981 287 227 50 10
2443 And now, all three rounds of Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight Sonata.’ 1.2439 0.02981 287 227 50 10
2444 Rachmaninoff's Third is in for the fight of its life. 1.2439 0.03021 287 228 48 11
2445 Ladies and gentlemen, the kangaroo is off for the night. 1.2439 0.03101 287 230 44 13
2446 I thought you said "_Box_ Sonata"! 1.2438 0.03170 283 228 41 14
2447 I will now play the Muhammad Ali Amadeus concerto the way it was intended. 1.2438 0.03049 283 225 47 11
2448 This is just cruel. 1.2437 0.03050 320 260 42 18
2449 Standing up....in a hammock, if you must know. 1.2437 0.03240 279 226 38 15
2450 OK Beethoven, lets rumble 1.2437 0.03035 279 221 48 10
2451 Because this next piece was too easy for me . . . 1.2437 0.03077 279 222 46 11
2452 I always wanted to beat the band. 1.2436 0.03148 275 220 43 12
2453 I’m gonna float like Madame Butterfly, sting like the flight of the bumblebees! 1.2436 0.03148 275 220 43 12
2454 For my finale, I will perform: "Float like a Butterfly, Sting like a Bee." 1.2436 0.03037 312 252 44 16
2455 How about “Flight of the Elephant”? 1.2436 0.03003 312 251 46 15
2456 I will now perform Box Prelude in C Major 1.2435 0.03135 271 216 44 11
2457 And now, a musical tribute to the Marquess of Queensberry. 1.2435 0.02958 308 246 49 13
2458 Let's get ready to Rachmani-noffffff!" 1.2435 0.03029 308 248 45 15
2459 Now I'd like to punch out a little number for you. 1.2434 0.02947 304 242 50 12
2460 My next piece is an original composition entitled "Elephant on the Keys" 1.2434 0.02834 304 239 56 9
2461 And now for 'Float like a butterfly, Flight of the Bumblebee' in A minor 1.2432 0.02998 296 236 48 12
2462 Did someone move my spit bucket? 1.2432 0.02960 296 235 50 11
2463 and now a number from my boxed collection" 1.2432 0.02960 296 235 50 11
2464 And we start our session with Chopin’s “Barcarrolle in F Sharp Jab to the Right. 1.2432 0.02938 259 201 53 5
2465 And now, ‘Chopsticks.’ 1.2432 0.03025 292 233 47 12
2466 I’d like to slow things down a bit. Then speed back up. Then a left. A right. Another left... 1.2432 0.03101 292 235 43 14
2467 Da ,da, da, daaa! 1.2431 0.03214 255 203 42 10
2468 It's going to be a Wagner piece. 1.2431 0.03169 288 233 40 15
2469 And now for your listening displeasure, I will pound the ivories. 1.2430 0.03120 284 228 43 13
2470 And now an obscure piece by Rocky Mannicoff... 1.2429 0.02935 317 254 49 14
2471 I now know what they mean when They say; my written answers to Mueller’s questions were akin to that of a child playing the piano wearing boxing gloves. 1.2429 0.03025 280 222 48 10
2472 I always wear these when I play the theme song from Rocky. 1.2428 0.03053 276 219 47 10
2473 Now I’ll play a fugue by Mohammed Ali 1.2428 0.03180 276 222 41 13
2474 When do I take the fall? After the first glissando? 1.2428 0.02920 276 216 53 7
2475 I've had a difficult time choosing a profession. 1.2428 0.03009 276 218 49 9
2476 Since I’m in between rounds, there is only enough time to play Chopin’s Minute Waltz. 1.2426 0.02992 272 214 50 8
2477 And now, an evening of glissandos. 1.2426 0.03211 272 219 40 13
2478 And now, as I like to put it, I’m gonna go a few rounds with Ludwig van. 1.2425 0.03019 268 211 49 8
2479 And now, the Thrillah in Manillah 1.2424 0.03027 297 238 46 13
2480 Maybe this piano's out of tune. 1.2424 0.03186 264 211 42 11
2481 And now I present to you: knuckle-sandwich, in C minor. 1.2424 0.03027 297 238 46 13
2482 Last, here's my rendition of that old favorite: "There's a Bull in the China Shop." 1.2424 0.02989 297 237 48 12
2483 ...And in this corner weighing in at 1086lbs 1.2424 0.02912 297 235 52 10
2484 I'd like to start tonight's Jerry Lee Lewis tribute with an old favorite 1.2424 0.02873 297 234 54 9
2485 Sorry, I only take requests from the box seats. 1.2424 0.02989 297 237 48 12
2486 And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, a work by J.S. Box. 1.2424 0.02989 297 237 48 12
2487 Well you said I should attack the music! 1.2423 0.02731 293 227 61 5
2488 In my next lesson video I will demonstrate more secrets of my patented technique for avoiding repetitive injury, carpal tunnel syndrome, and tendonitis. 1.2423 0.03264 260 209 39 12
2489 Tonight I'll be playing "Rumble in the Jungle." 1.2422 0.02880 289 227 54 8
2490 And now, Michael Tyson's piano concerto number one in D minor... 1.2422 0.03003 289 230 48 11
2491 Here's a new song that'll really knock you out 1.2422 0.02962 289 229 50 10
2492 This next piece is my rendition of Simon & Garfunkle's, The Boxer. 1.2422 0.03120 289 233 42 14
2493 'Chop Sticks.' Why? 1.2422 0.03082 289 232 44 13
2494 This one is called ‘Sonata in ABCDEFG’ 1.2421 0.03150 285 230 41 14
2495 Let's get ready to Rondoooooo! 1.2421 0.03110 285 229 43 13
2496 This recital will last 12 rounds, or until I’m knocked out 1.2421 0.03070 285 228 45 12
2497 I'm a student of Sugar Ray and Ray Charles. 1.2420 0.03219 281 228 38 15
2498 You might recognize this Paul Simon cover 1.2419 0.03043 277 220 47 10
2499 I am about to play Rockymaninoff’s Symphonic Dances 1.2418 0.02966 306 245 48 13
2500 While my scales may have suffered, my arpeggios are to die for! 1.2418 0.02930 306 244 50 12
2501 In this next Mixed Martial Arts bout my opponent is J S Bach 1.2418 0.03072 306 248 42 16
2502 I asked for box seats. 1.2418 0.02982 273 215 50 8
2503 This next number is why I am known as the best pound-for-pound pianist in this town. 1.2418 0.02982 273 215 50 8
2504 Raging Beethoven.” 1.2418 0.03071 273 217 46 10
2505 This is a selection from Rockmyblokoff’s Opus 3, B-flat major, better known as The Pugilist Symphony. 1.2418 0.03158 273 219 42 12
2506 ...and this next piece is sure to be a knock out! 1.2417 0.03028 302 243 45 14
2507 I glissando like a butterfly and trill like a bee! 1.2416 0.03145 269 215 43 11
2508 This next piece is called, "Good Enough for Government Work." 1.2416 0.03018 298 239 46 13
2509 When you don't have time to change between your part-time jobs. 1.2415 0.03175 265 212 42 11
2510 And now I will play Chopin’s Preludes all at once! 1.2415 0.03084 265 210 46 9
2511 This one's called, "Ode to Joe" 1.2415 0.02967 294 234 49 11
2512 It needs a good tune up. 1.2415 0.03006 294 235 47 12
2513 And now "The sting of the bumblebee" by Rimsky-Korsakov-Ali. 1.2415 0.03157 294 239 39 16
2514 I hope you enjoy the tunes I am about to knock out for you. 1.2415 0.02967 294 234 49 11
2515 My next piece is called the "Lamotta Cantata 1.2415 0.02848 294 231 55 8
2516 My next piece is called "Requiem for a Boxer." 1.2415 0.03006 294 235 47 12
2517 And now more favorites from the life of Joe Louis! 1.2414 0.02952 319 257 47 15
2518 It's the only way I can play the score to any of the Rocky movies. 1.2414 0.02994 290 231 48 11
2519 And now I'd like to play Black and Blue Suede Shoes 1.2414 0.02994 290 231 48 11
2520 A serenade for Boxing Day. 1.2414 0.02913 290 229 52 9
2521 I punched up the composition a little. 1.2414 0.03066 261 206 47 8
2522 Manilla Thrilla" in B flat 1.2414 0.03033 290 232 46 12
2523 And now something with a bit more punch, Rocky's theme. 1.2414 0.02830 290 227 56 7
2524 This next piece is a banger. 1.2413 0.02943 315 253 48 14
2525 Let me bang out some notes. 1.2413 0.02838 315 250 54 11
2526 I only play bareknuckle at dive bars 1.2413 0.03077 315 257 40 18
2527 Let me know if you don't like this one. 1.2413 0.02766 315 248 58 9
2528 Beats me. 1.2413 0.02977 315 254 46 15
2529 ...and finally, by Johann Sebastian Box... 1.2413 0.03100 286 230 43 13
2530 Please hold your applause until you count to ten. 1.2413 0.03020 286 228 47 11
2531 And now my rendering of a little ditty I wrote, ‘Thrilla in Manila’. 1.2412 0.03192 257 205 42 10
2532 The melody I'm about to play will knock you out! 1.2412 0.02933 311 249 49 13
2533 You requested more punch? 1.2411 0.02921 282 222 52 8
2534 And now for my rendition of Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2411 0.03325 282 232 32 18
2535 Wait, so you meant Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer? 1.2411 0.02964 282 223 50 9
2536 Now, from the original score, ‘The Boxer’. 1.2411 0.03006 282 224 48 10
2537 Vote for me to "Make Music Great Again". 1.2410 0.03063 307 249 42 16
2538 No worries. The piano's prepared. 1.2410 0.02957 307 246 48 13
2539 Sorry folks I’m all thumbs today 1.2410 0.03033 278 221 47 10
2540 I'll take these off after my first piece and I guarantee you're going to love the rest of my performance. 1.2410 0.03240 278 226 37 15
2541 And now for my best combination. 1.2409 0.02754 303 237 59 7
2542 Believe me, it helps with the fortissimo, but not with the piano. 1.2409 0.02832 303 239 55 9
2543 And now, my own composition,"Le Cantique de George Foreman." 1.2409 0.02927 274 215 52 7
2544 As an encore, I will preform all 31 Goldberg Variations within 42 seconds. 1.2409 0.03061 274 218 46 10
2545 This is for the critic who called me ham handed 1.2409 0.02881 274 214 54 6
2546 And now for my next number, the theme from 'Rocky'. 1.2408 0.02933 299 238 50 11
2547 I call this one Too Many Notes 1.2407 0.03221 270 218 39 13
2548 Float Like a Tchaikovsky, sting like a Beethoven 1.2407 0.03090 270 215 45 10
2549 I prefer to punch out a tune 1.2407 0.02953 270 212 51 7
2550 Next, a lively rendition of Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2407 0.02879 295 233 53 9
2551 I'm still fighting my fear of learning to play the piano 1.2407 0.03035 295 237 45 13
2552 Time to punch out a new tune. 1.2407 0.03184 295 241 37 17
2553 The next concerto is twelve 3-minute movements with 2 minutes of rest between movements. 1.2406 0.03165 266 213 42 11
2554 Wait till I get to the hook. 1.2406 0.03165 266 213 42 11
2555 And now, the Lumbering Death Throes of the Bumble Bee 1.2406 0.03165 266 213 42 11
2556 I can assure you - you've never heard chopsticks as I am about to perform it! 1.2405 0.03139 291 236 40 15
2557 My next tune will be The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. 1.2405 0.02863 291 229 54 8
2558 I'll be playing "Mitten on the Keys" 1.2405 0.03150 262 209 43 10
2559 I'm taking a dive in the 9th symphony. 1.2405 0.03286 262 212 37 13
2560 You told me to punch it up a bit. 1.2404 0.02970 287 228 49 10
2561 I managed to learn to text with these, now onto playing the piano! 1.2404 0.03011 287 229 47 11
2562 The melody of modern politics. 1.2404 0.02924 312 250 49 13
2563 And now, I will once again play the theme from Jaws 1.2403 0.03038 283 226 46 11
2564 I fought my whole life to get on a stage like this! 1.2403 0.02997 283 225 48 10
2565 This next song is a real knockout. 1.2402 0.03261 254 204 39 11
2566 I can’t play today, I am feeling a little punchy 1.2402 0.03355 254 206 35 13
2567 Let's get ready to treble! 1.2401 0.03066 279 223 45 11
2568 Next time you clap or somebody gets hurt. 1.2401 0.02981 279 221 49 9
2569 My ‘knockturno’ interpretation is quite dramatic. 1.2400 0.02963 275 217 50 8
2570 This next piece is called "I am the greatest" and is dedicated to Muhammad Ali 1.2400 0.02962 300 240 48 12
2571 Now I will play my Sonata for Boxing Day. 1.2400 0.03302 275 225 34 16
2572 For my next piece, please enjoy 'Mama Said Knock You Out' in B-Flat. 1.2400 0.03051 275 219 46 10
2573 Welcome to dueling pianos. 1.2400 0.03073 300 243 42 15
2574 I could play this with one hand tied behind my back. 1.2399 0.02911 296 235 51 10
2575 And now a tribute to Sylvester Stallone. 1.2399 0.02988 296 237 47 12
2576 Tonight, on America's Got Talent, Thumbs Noodleman will punch out some Beethoven. 1.2399 0.03167 271 218 41 12
2577 Ladies & Gentlemen...Wolf Gang Amadeuuuuuuus Mozart ! 1.2397 0.03017 267 211 48 8
2578 I only play power ballads. 1.2396 0.02985 313 253 45 15
2579 Ladies and gentlemen, may I suggest we prepare ourselves to rumble? 1.2396 0.02836 288 226 55 7
2580 This next piece is a bit more raucous. 1.2396 0.02920 288 228 51 9
2581 It took me a while to get the right hook. 1.2396 0.02836 288 226 55 7
2582 Float like a butterfly, play like a ham. 1.2395 0.03045 263 208 47 8
2583 When we get to the Chopin, I'll take the gloves off. 1.2395 0.03139 263 210 43 10
2584 Now, a tribute to the Rocky movies. 1.2395 0.02976 309 249 46 14
2585 Are you ready to rumba? 1.2394 0.03110 284 229 42 13
2586 I'll now play the overture from 'Rocky' in B flat on your back. 1.2394 0.03029 284 227 46 11
2587 I float like a butterfly and sting like the key of B. 1.2394 0.03149 284 230 40 14
2588 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to try something I don't usually do. Simon & Garfunkel's 'The Boxer'. 1.2394 0.03217 259 208 40 11
2589 Welcome to my Nightmare Sonata! 1.2393 0.02854 305 242 53 10
2590 And now for my most recent composition, a reverential homage entitled "Beethoven's Fists" 1.2393 0.02929 305 244 49 12
2591 Next I'll be performing Dance Like a Butterfly, Sting Like the Flight of the Bumblebee. 1.2393 0.03142 305 250 37 18
2592 Yo Adrian... this nex numbers fur you! 1.2393 0.02965 305 245 47 13
2593 It was in tune when I bought it. 1.2393 0.02699 305 238 61 6
2594 I will now perform Trump's Minuet in F flat minor. 1.2393 0.03259 280 229 35 16
2595 L-l-l-l-l-let's get ready to Rachmaninof-f-f-f-f!!! 1.2393 0.03219 280 228 37 15
2596 Thank you. This next piece floats like a butterfly but stings like a bee. 1.2392 0.02954 301 241 48 12
2597 Next, a punchy little tune that will ring your bell. 1.2392 0.02991 301 242 46 13
2598 Sorry. I only play Bartok. 1.2392 0.03064 301 244 42 15
2599 A new Sonata called 'Float like a Butterfly and sting like a Bee. 1.2391 0.03127 276 222 42 12
2600 I dare anyone to say that I am all thumbs. 1.2391 0.03127 276 222 42 12
2601 I call it "Flight of the Pugilist". 1.2391 0.02782 297 233 57 7
2602 I should have put more thought into this career change. 1.2390 0.03114 272 218 43 11
2603 Jetzt, eine kleine Kampfmusik. 1.2390 0.03114 272 218 43 11
2604 Fortissimo? Fortissimo is for lightweights! 1.2389 0.02966 293 234 48 11
2605 This next piece was composed by the great Muhammad Ali. 1.2389 0.03044 293 236 44 13
2606 Ladies and Gentlemen, this part of the score needs to be punched up a bit. 1.2389 0.02886 293 232 52 9
2607 They told me it was harassment to tickle them, so I have to wear these. 1.2389 0.03044 293 236 44 13
2608 I think you'll all recognize this next little number 1.2388 0.02952 289 230 49 10
2609 It's about playing to your strengths. 1.2388 0.02952 289 230 49 10
2610 I play like Duke Ellington and hum like a bee! 1.2386 0.02851 285 224 54 7
2611 Ladies and gentlemen, a punchy little melody... 1.2386 0.02978 285 227 48 10
2612 I could of been a contender instead of the bum of pianist I am. 1.2386 0.02936 285 226 50 9
2613 This concert comes as a boxed set 1.2385 0.03015 260 205 48 7
2614 And now I'd like to play for you Paul Simon's "The Boxer". 1.2385 0.03112 260 207 44 9
2615 You ain't heard nothin yet 1.2385 0.03159 260 208 42 10
2616 Whaddya mean it hasn’t been tuned? 1.2384 0.03326 281 232 31 18
2617 This next one's going to be a knock-out. 1.2384 0.03005 281 224 47 10
2618 He'd do anything for a hit song 1.2384 0.03129 281 227 41 13
2619 Si, let me pound out a few tunes for you. 1.2384 0.03047 281 225 45 11
2620 And now my signature THREE SECOND WALTZ. 1.2384 0.02869 302 240 52 10
2621 Flogging the ivories 1.2383 0.03238 256 206 39 11
2622 Don't play it again, Sam. 1.2383 0.03075 277 222 44 11
2623 This next piece is by Johann Sebastian Box. 1.2383 0.03075 277 222 44 11
2624 IT'S OK, I TUNED IT WITH THESE ON. 1.2383 0.02944 277 219 50 8
2625 Please Ma. I'll never play with myself again. 1.2383 0.03159 277 224 40 13
2626 And now for my "Boxer Rebelion Overture #1 1.2383 0.02970 298 239 47 12
2627 This piece is known for its uppercutsio. 1.2383 0.02970 298 239 47 12
2628 This next piece is in two-fists time. 1.2382 0.02806 319 254 54 11
2629 Ladies & Gentlemen, Theme from Rocky 12 in F Major. 1.2382 0.02876 319 256 50 13
2630 I'm doing a Victor Borge! 1.2381 0.03110 294 239 40 15
2631 The gloves, sir, are to protect my hands. 1.2381 0.03189 273 221 39 13
2632 For the person who keeps requesting Paul Simon’s “The Boxer”... 1.2381 0.02957 294 235 48 11
2633 I call this one "Sting like a Bee". 1.2379 0.02815 311 247 54 10
2634 I float like Chopin and sting like Mozart 1.2379 0.03023 290 233 45 12
2635 I don't know why I can't hit that last note. 1.2378 0.02948 307 247 47 13
2636 My next piece will be played on this Steinway that has never been touched by human hands. 1.2378 0.02969 286 228 48 10
2637 Management wanted me to stop tickling the ivories. 1.2378 0.02969 286 228 48 10
2638 For my next song, I will be playing the theme from Rocky I. 1.2378 0.03050 286 230 44 12
2639 Who tuned this damn thing anyway? 1.2378 0.03090 286 231 42 13
2640 As an encore I'll now play the Notre Dame Fight Song. 1.2377 0.03340 265 217 33 15
2641 Now this won't be easy. 1.2376 0.02936 303 243 48 12
2642 Now for the crescendo! 1.2376 0.03078 282 227 43 12
2643 Before I begin, if you are wondering why the boxing gloves, you will find out first if you take a call before this concert ends. 1.2375 0.03241 261 211 38 12
2644 Next my own composition,"Mitten on the Keys". 1.2375 0.03098 320 264 36 20
2645 I will now play the Mike Tyson sonata no.3 in knocked flat opus 12 round 5. 1.2375 0.03073 299 243 41 15
2646 I am pleased to open tonight’s Masochist Society gala with a special performance of “Flight of the Bumble Bee”. 1.2374 0.03107 278 224 42 12
2647 Yo, Tchaikovsky! 1.2374 0.03065 278 223 44 11
2648 This next composition is written to go nine rounds. 1.2374 0.02935 278 220 50 8
2649 It's only available as a boxed set. 1.2374 0.02979 278 221 48 9
2650 You may notice me pounding the keys tonight with a little more punch than usual, folks. 1.2374 0.03083 257 204 45 8
2651 Tonight's performance will be included as part of my holiday box set. 1.2374 0.03180 257 206 41 10
2652 And now, from Wagner's Ring Cycle.... 1.2372 0.03220 274 223 37 14
2653 As you probably guessed, the next piece is the soundtrack from "Rocky." 1.2372 0.03093 274 220 43 11
2654 Yea, just pounding out a new tune. 1.2372 0.03093 274 220 43 11
2655 I used to play the violin but I find the piano a lot easier. At least I don’t drop it. 1.2372 0.03053 312 255 40 17
2656 Adrian! 1.2371 0.03053 291 235 43 13
2657 My guess is this job switch is working out better for me than my partner. 1.2371 0.02974 291 233 47 11
2658 This next piece is a bit John-Cage-meets-Muhammad-Ali. 1.2370 0.03123 270 217 42 11
2659 Next, I would like to play my rendition of "Slaughter on Tenth Avenue". 1.2370 0.02903 308 247 49 12
2660 I will begin with a selection from Beethoven; move to a piece from Chopin, and end with some knockout jazz. 1.2369 0.02959 287 229 48 10
2661 And now my personal rendition of "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel. 1.2368 0.02852 304 242 52 10
2662 I was hoping they’d help me hit the right notes. 1.2368 0.03153 266 214 41 11
2663 I said I could play Rachmaninov, NOT Rocky Marciano! 1.2367 0.03027 283 227 45 11
2664 I'd like to dedicate this next song to Simon and Garfunkel. 1.2367 0.03068 283 228 43 12
2665 I shall now float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. 1.2367 0.03228 283 232 35 16
2666 Fortissimo! 1.2367 0.03329 245 198 36 11
2667 And now, The Ring Cycle for Dummies, in twelve rounds. 1.2367 0.02953 300 241 47 12
2668 ...and now:Beethoven's Hammerklavier sonata. 1.2366 0.03091 262 209 44 9
2669 I just punched out this next piece. 1.2366 0.03012 279 223 46 10
2670 And now for the ever-popular theme from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ... 1.2366 0.03055 279 224 44 11
2671 Sorry, I'm late. My last gig ran long. 1.2365 0.03314 241 194 37 10
2672 And the winner by judges decision after 8 rounds is... Steinway. 1.2365 0.02978 296 238 46 12
2673 Please excuse me Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m fighting a cold tonight. 1.2365 0.02978 296 238 46 12
2674 This will sound a little more like a concerto grosso. 1.2364 0.02799 313 249 54 10
2675 If you don’t like how I’m playing, come up here so we can discuss it! 1.2364 0.02996 275 219 47 9
2676 I will now play the Third Round of the Moonlight Sonata, Presto Agitato. 1.2364 0.03083 275 221 43 11
2677 This modern stuff is a real pain in the ass. 1.2364 0.03168 275 223 39 13
2678 It’s a bit gimmicky but I have to pay the rent. 1.2364 0.02996 275 219 47 9
2679 This will be my first concert in the percussion section. 1.2364 0.03168 275 223 39 13
2680 And next, Muhammad Ali's favorite, Flight of the Bumblebee. 1.2363 0.03120 292 238 39 15
2681 I am just a poor boy .... 1.2361 0.02950 288 230 48 10
2682 What can I say? When I play "The Boxer" I have to get into character. 1.2361 0.03031 288 232 44 12
2683 My next selection will be "The Death of the Bumblebee>" 1.2361 0.02919 305 245 48 12
2684 This is Sugar Ray Leonard's Piano Concerto No. 3 in C Minor. 1.2360 0.03231 267 217 37 13
2685 Rocky-maninoff Piano Concerto No. 2 you say? 1.2360 0.03142 267 215 41 11
2686 The final piece of the evening is Piano Concerto no.1, in multiple keys, "Rhapsody in Black and Blue" by Mr Michael Tyson. From his Magnum Opus, " You better clap!" 1.2360 0.03231 267 217 37 13
2687 For my next tune, similar to the first, a bunch of noise produced from banging on the keys. 1.2359 0.03018 284 228 45 11
2688 I’d like to close with The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. 1.2359 0.03099 284 230 41 13
2689 This last movement is quite the knock-out. 1.2357 0.03080 263 210 44 9
2690 Here's a chord progression within the circle of fists. 1.2357 0.03351 263 216 32 15
2691 Now I shall play my version of Box Concerto. 1.2357 0.03087 280 226 42 12
2692 They don't respond well to tickling..... 1.2357 0.03082 297 242 40 15
2693 I give you Rockymaninoff piano sequel III. 1.2355 0.03110 259 207 43 9
2694 And now my rematch with Rachmaninov. 1.2355 0.02986 276 220 47 9
2695 And now, Box Prelude and Fugue in C Major. 1.2355 0.03030 276 221 45 10
2696 And in this corner, our returning, dueling piano champion 1.2355 0.02942 276 219 49 8
2697 And for my next knockout performance... 1.2355 0.03116 276 223 41 12
2698 Ladies and gentlemen, you'll be glad to know that I'm about to play John Cage's '4'33'. 1.2355 0.03147 293 240 37 16
2699 My next piece is critic-proof. 1.2355 0.02995 293 236 45 12
2700 Forget Horowitz. I am the greatest! 1.2353 0.03102 272 219 42 11
2701 Welcome to the atonal music festival! 1.2353 0.03102 272 219 42 11
2702 I will now play Ode to Ali. 1.2353 0.02873 306 245 50 11
2703 Hey, it's like my piano teacher, Mickey, once told me: "You'll be able to spit notes, kid. You're gonna eat sonatas and you're gonna crap concertos. You're gonna become a very musical person." 1.2353 0.03141 255 204 42 9
2704 And now, from the Manassa Mahler, “The Heavyweight Requiem 1.2353 0.02941 289 231 48 10
2705 „And now something little more progressive!“ 1.2353 0.02900 289 230 50 9
2706 I thought you said “Box Art of Fugue.” 1.2353 0.03139 289 236 38 15
2707 I promise you, you’ll be instantly hooked. 1.2351 0.02897 302 242 49 11
2708 I went to a prizefight and a sonata broke out. 1.2351 0.02897 302 242 49 11
2709 Just so you know, I’m all thumbs. 1.2351 0.02972 302 244 45 13
2710 I'm going to float like a butterfly on Flight of the Bumblebee. 1.2351 0.03089 285 231 41 13
2711 And now my Rocky overture 1.2351 0.03089 285 231 41 13
2712 This next song is known for it's hook. 1.2351 0.03049 285 230 43 12
2713 My final encore: our college fight song 1.2351 0.02948 268 212 49 7
2714 This next nocturne is scheduled for 10 rounds. 1.2351 0.03041 268 214 45 9
2715 I can’t eat with chopsticks either. 1.2351 0.03132 268 216 41 11
2716 'Introducing Baroque-y Balboa' 1.2349 0.02783 315 251 54 10
2717 Okay, so my dare is to knock out a few tunes. 1.2349 0.02883 298 238 50 10
2718 You should see what I'm wearing below the belt. 1.2349 0.02843 298 237 52 9
2719 And now, the very challenging LaMotta Sonata in F minor 1.2349 0.02863 281 222 52 7
2720 You requested Roberto Duran Duran? 1.2349 0.02993 281 225 46 10
2721 My music packs a real punch. 1.2349 0.02993 281 225 46 10
2722 For my first piece, chopsticks. 1.2349 0.03036 281 226 44 11
2723 No, this is not a variant of the Suzuki Method; it is pure Tyson. 1.2348 0.03208 264 214 38 12
2724 This next number I shall now do on you is "Fight of the Bumblebee. 1.2348 0.03252 264 215 36 13
2725 And now - my interpretation of a Paul Simon classic. 1.2348 0.03252 264 215 36 13
2726 It helps me keep a beat. 1.2347 0.02986 294 237 45 12
2727 And now, the Mohammad Ali Sonata in G minor. 1.2347 0.02907 294 235 49 10
2728 It would be unethical of me to wager, but Las Vegas has it 3:1 for Prokofiev. 1.2347 0.03106 277 224 41 12
2729 And the beat goes on. 1.2347 0.03106 277 224 41 12
2730 And now for something pugilistic, in A minor. 1.2347 0.02933 277 220 49 8
2731 As a composer, I have become fascinated with tone clusters. 1.2347 0.02977 277 221 47 9
2732 And now, "Fight of the Bumble, Sing Like a Bee". 1.2346 0.03418 260 215 29 16
2733 The ivories tickle me. 1.2346 0.03240 260 211 37 12
2734 How does the Fight Song go? 1.2346 0.03391 243 198 33 12
2735 Étude No. 1 in A, B, C, D, E, F, and G, by my 18 months old son. 1.2345 0.03052 290 235 42 13
2736 And now ladies and gentlemen the Ali Fraser concerto 1.2345 0.02807 290 229 54 7
2737 Rachmaninoff always makes me punchy. 1.2345 0.02973 290 233 46 11
2738 My next piece is the Muhammad Ali arrangement of ‘4’33” ’. 1.2345 0.03012 290 234 44 12
2739 Okay. Let's do this one in the keys of ABC and D. 1.2344 0.03135 273 221 40 12
2740 I think I came to the wrong auditorium. 1.2344 0.03048 273 219 44 10
2741 Any Requests? Anything but "Flight of the Bumble Bee" 1.2343 0.03000 303 246 43 14
2742 I am leaving. I am leaving. 1.2343 0.02851 303 242 51 10
2743 Our next number will be a three minute score titled - Pound of flesh. 1.2343 0.02916 286 228 49 9
2744 In the spirit of the times, I'm now going to play a little ditty I've tentatively titled: "Who Gives a Fuck Anymore?" 1.2343 0.03119 286 233 39 14
2745 I make no excuses. 1.2342