Contest #624


Cartoon

624

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Please, I need time to decompose myself.”
  2. “Well, so much for resting in peace.”
  3. “I’m sorry, but I just got out of a relationship.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-07-22T23:00:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2018-07-29T23:02:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2018-07-30T23:01:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued August 6 & 13, 2018
Number of captions 3760
Number of responses 712054
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Of course I am happy to see you! I just need a little time to decompose myself! 2.0524 0.00760 9917 2591 4215 3111
1 Hey, weren’t you a member of the placebo group? 1.9451 0.01103 5354 1897 1854 1603
2 'Til death do us part" was the agreement, Susan. 1.9393 0.00837 8815 3004 3342 2469
3 Well, so much for resting in peace 1.9280 0.00836 8421 2803 3421 2197
4 Of all the skeletons in all the world, I get stuck next to the one from my closet. 1.9094 0.00918 7513 2749 2696 2068
5 Biggest Funeral Ever! People all over the world were in the streets! You should have seen the crowds! Biggest crowds in the history of the world! Nobody wanted to miss my funeral! Everyone wanted to see me off. Millions! Biggest sendoff ever! So Big. 1.9044 0.00947 7742 3092 2298 2352
6 Yes mother! I was wearing clean underwear. 1.8843 0.00911 7612 2897 2699 2016
7 In retrospect, "Sorry" would have been better than " So shoot me". 1.8263 0.00998 6516 2779 2090 1647
8 Please! I just got OUT of a relationship! 1.8258 0.00896 7510 3033 2752 1725
9 This is going to feel like an eternity. 1.8185 0.01122 4699 1894 1764 1041
10 What part of 'until death do us part' don't you understand? 1.8027 0.00824 8370 3366 3289 1715
11 GOP Healthcare, how about you? 1.8019 0.01011 6281 2760 2005 1516
12 No, seriously. He's president now, so turn over. 1.7817 0.01066 5704 2606 1737 1361
13 I misspoke; I meant to say I WOULDN’T like to be dead. 1.7418 0.01478 3040 1503 819 718
14 Marge, this is the first time I'm not lying: you look like you've lost weight. 1.7390 0.01001 5936 2743 1999 1194
15 Look, I just need a minute to decompose, is that too much to ask? 1.7365 0.00877 7146 3152 2725 1269
16 Sorry, but I'm looking for someone with a little more substance. 1.7093 0.01015 5524 2607 1916 1001
17 Do the words "rest in peace" mean ANYTHING to you? 1.6949 0.01041 5011 2357 1826 828
18 So now you're finally in the mood? 1.6928 0.01301 3600 1819 1068 713
19 Well, I guess that just leaves taxes. 1.6856 0.01126 4523 2232 1481 810
20 Oh great...an extrovert. 1.6779 0.01185 4030 1998 1332 700
21 Forget it. You're dead to me. 1.6759 0.01206 3953 1984 1266 703
22 I get it, Mom, I haven’t visited in a while. 1.6697 0.00996 5416 2644 1917 855
23 Is it too late to request cremation? 1.6275 0.01214 3573 1854 1196 523
24 I don't know. Just a few days ago, I was the President's translator at a summit in Helsinki . . . . 1.6219 0.01365 3166 1758 847 561
25 For the hundredth time, lady, I'm not interested in jumping your bones! 1.6189 0.01371 2981 1619 879 483
26 The irony is...I was 'thinking Outside the box' 1.6148 0.01225 3718 2029 1092 597
27 I was flirting with death and now death is flirting with me. 1.6065 0.01528 2325 1268 704 353
28 Of all the graveyards in all the towns in all the world ... 1.6061 0.01175 3874 2100 1200 574
29 You can't go anywhere without seeing someone you know. 1.5856 0.01553 2032 1093 688 251
30 This is going to make eternity seem like forever! 1.5835 0.01220 3544 1980 1060 504
31 Hey Pal, it's over. Put a lid on it. 1.5610 0.01900 1410 804 421 185
32 So much for “you can sleep when you’re dead!”. 1.5535 0.01596 1917 1087 599 231
33 Remember me? I was in your closet! 1.5433 0.01678 1848 1095 502 251
34 I told you I’d see you in hell, and I’m sticking to that. 1.5402 0.01322 2773 1602 844 327
35 Donald, is that you? It's me, Hitler. 1.5349 0.01648 2092 1307 451 334
36 Thanks, but I'm still in the denial stage. 1.5325 0.01605 1814 1046 570 198
37 Your Match profile said, "slim, and haunting", but this is ridiculous. 1.5174 0.01669 1778 1076 484 218
38 I meant to say, I see no reason why I *wouldn't* want to be cremated. Double negatives are so damn confusing! 1.5115 0.01666 1822 1123 466 233
39 Let me just interject: I WAS your therapist. 1.5110 0.02457 861 537 208 116
40 I meant Australia when I made a wish to live peacefully down under. 1.5103 0.01937 1313 802 352 159
41 How should I know the wi-fi password? I just got here. 1.5063 0.02184 1027 630 274 123
42 No Mom, I'm still not seeing anyone. 1.4997 0.01682 1731 1073 451 207
43 The last thing I remember saying was, "May I rot in hell if in fact he colluded." 1.4991 0.01793 1607 1019 374 214
44 I was walking along Fifth Avenue, minding my own business, when, suddenly, Trump shows up and shoots me. 1.4952 0.02102 1244 814 244 186
45 Gimme some skin! 1.4938 0.02056 1205 766 283 156
46 My mother's still trying to fix me up. 1.4920 0.01859 1569 1026 314 229
47 You remind me of myself when I first died. 1.4893 0.02028 1118 688 313 117
48 Give me a minute. I need to decompose myself. 1.4886 0.01933 1269 791 336 142
49 It's me! Bob from Accounts! 1.4858 0.02012 1130 698 315 117
50 Thank you; but I've stopped writing music. I'm decomposing now. 1.4840 0.02200 969 606 257 106
51 Someone has made a grave mistake. 1.4775 0.02208 955 602 250 103
52 Sorry... I’m just not into older women. 1.4774 0.01922 1284 815 325 144
53 "Did they cure cancer? How're the Yankees doing? Who's President?" 1.4748 0.02082 1032 644 286 102
54 I'm not that kind of corpse. 1.4738 0.01893 1222 758 349 115
55 Just so you know. What happens here, stays here. 1.4696 0.02018 1084 679 301 104
56 I don't date older women! 1.4665 0.02041 1106 707 282 117
57 This is exactly why I didn't want an open casket. 1.4658 0.03176 468 302 114 52
58 I see your coffin was half off too. 1.4646 0.02087 1046 668 270 108
59 No, I'm NOT interested in 'jumping your bones.' 1.4622 0.02158 1019 663 241 115
60 Fine, Mom, I should have eaten my veggies. You happy now? 1.4603 0.02059 1008 634 284 90
61 This is just temporary. I have the best attorneys. 1.4601 0.02185 928 591 247 90
62 I misspoke. I mean't to say I WOULDN'T want to die!! 1.4593 0.02194 982 641 231 110
63 What do you mean,you see dead people. 1.4501 0.02408 822 546 182 94
64 OMG, it's the Welcome Coffin. 1.4480 0.02720 625 412 146 67
65 Like an extra 500 buck for a lid would have killed them! 1.4478 0.02243 871 564 224 83
66 Yes, Eleanor, I turned on the dishwasher before I had my heart attack. 1.4464 0.02297 849 555 209 85
67 Mothers are forever, son. 1.4444 0.02363 810 533 194 83
68 I knew I was in trouble when I heard the surgeon say “oops” 1.4431 0.02464 747 493 177 77
69 Does the letters R I P mean anything to you?" 1.4398 0.02381 798 529 187 82
70 Lady, I'd buy you a drink, but clearly you can't hold your liquor. 1.4391 0.02502 722 479 169 74
71 Jeez Ma- don’t look so happy to see me?! 1.4374 0.02398 759 499 188 72
72 This is Chicago. Of course I voted. 1.4369 0.02491 753 507 163 83
73 I'm telling you I'm not dead. It's fake news 1.4348 0.02561 736 503 146 87
74 You made it! I told you the family plot was a good idea - we are going to have SUCH a good time! I'll show you around, introduce you to all the neighbors - well, not all the neighbors. There is this one woman, Sheila, don't get me started, she ... 1.4345 0.02477 725 482 171 72
75 Just my luck...I get buried next to a telemarketer. 1.4317 0.02554 695 467 156 72
76 Who knew health care could be so complicated?" 1.4275 0.02576 683 462 150 71
77 Perfect. I finally make it into a New Yorker cartoon and it's one that makes no sense. 1.4269 0.02738 602 407 133 62
78 First they get rid of straws... and now the lids too! 1.4256 0.02623 672 459 140 73
79 Welcome to the graveyard shift! We are the skeleton crew. 1.4255 0.02698 644 442 130 72
80 I meant to say I wouldn't rather be buried alive. 1.4251 0.02710 668 466 120 82
81 To be perfectly honest, the years have not been good to you 1.4227 0.02561 653 437 156 60
82 This is why coffins have lids. 1.4224 0.02606 644 434 148 62
83 Please, I need time to decompose myself. 1.4198 0.02617 617 413 149 55
84 The vows said until death do us part. 1.4195 0.02557 627 416 159 52
85 Bonejour. 1.4179 0.02771 603 417 120 66
86 I asked for VIP, not RIP 1.4161 0.02663 608 412 139 57
87 Knock it off. I'm trying to rest in peace over here. 1.4152 0.03151 448 307 96 45
88 Yes yes, a 'grave situation', I get it 1.4133 0.02673 588 397 139 52
89 What part of "t'ill death do us part" do you not understand!? 1.4104 0.02588 575 380 154 41
90 and then they said, "Relax, you won't feel a thing"... and, of course, I didn't. 1.4103 0.02851 524 357 119 48
91 Oh God, it's Fran. Maybe if I play dead, she won't notice me. 1.4098 0.02838 571 399 110 62
92 No rest for the wicked, huh? 1.4088 0.02785 548 374 124 50
93 Thanks, but I feel like it’s too soon to start dating 1.4082 0.02643 561 374 145 42
94 Good news. Your nose falls off faster than the smell goes away. 1.4082 0.02796 561 387 119 55
95 Put a lid on it,Pal 1.4066 0.02815 546 376 118 52
96 Sure its a tight space, but the rent is to die for 1.4056 0.02781 535 364 125 46
97 So she says to me [tell the truth. Does this dress make me look fat?] So I did. 1.4041 0.02810 537 369 119 49
98 Dude. Get a life. 1.4040 0.03222 401 274 92 35
99 Seriously? You'd like to add me to your professional network on LinkedIn? 1.4023 0.02881 512 353 112 47
100 You Hare Krishnas never give up, do you? 1.4012 0.02980 516 365 95 56
101 How many times do I have to tell you-- IT'S OVER!! 1.4000 0.02741 520 351 130 39
102 Which part of ‘ ‘til death do us part’ didn’t you understand? 1.3992 0.02644 516 341 144 31
103 Bob? It's Kevin! From HR! 1.3988 0.02843 504 345 117 42
104 Is it too late for cremation? 1.3976 0.02853 508 350 114 44
105 No, I don't want to be friends. You should have figured that out when I killed you. 1.3972 0.03012 496 351 93 52
106 Put a lid on it, I'm trying to sleep 1.3968 0.02855 504 347 114 43
107 No no no ... it’s not what it looks like. Fake Death. Trust me, it’s all Fake Death! 1.3965 0.02973 459 315 106 38
108 The deal was until death do us part!! 1.3956 0.02749 498 335 129 34
109 I'm sure you're nice, but I just got out of a long-term relationship. 1.3952 0.02697 496 330 136 30
110 Why am I always stuck next to the guy who wants to talk? 1.3947 0.02866 494 340 113 41
111 Now that you've got time, I'd like to tell you about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 1.3946 0.03037 484 343 91 50
112 I think it's a little late to stop and smell the roses. 1.3933 0.02947 478 332 104 42
113 It's the last rent controlled space in the city! 1.3925 0.02882 479 329 112 38
114 Yes dear, I'm proud that you finally achieved your ideal weight. 1.3919 0.03041 467 329 93 45
115 Hi neighbor! You're obviously new here. Let me explain the ground rules. Get it, 'ground rules'?! We're in the ground! Oh, man, we're gonna have so much fun together... 1.3916 0.02914 475 328 108 39
116 All I said was not over my dead body! 1.3910 0.03006 468 328 97 43
117 Oh great, I'm stuck next to a talker. 1.3907 0.02852 471 321 116 34
118 The nagging was supposed to end at death! 1.3888 0.02965 463 322 102 39
119 Alright already! You were really sick! 1.3885 0.03059 453 319 92 42
120 Pretty good, considering. And how are you? 1.3883 0.02893 461 316 111 34
121 Mom, seriously? I don't know who dressed me. 1.3878 0.02934 459 317 106 36
122 "My HMO said life is a pre-existing condition. 1.3874 0.03152 444 317 82 45
123 Which part of "until death do us part" did you not understand? 1.3863 0.02808 453 305 121 27
124 What have I got to lose. Sure I'll hear about Amway. 1.3850 0.03110 439 311 87 41
125 ‘Til death do us part.’ What part of that do you not understand?! 1.3848 0.02884 447 305 112 30
126 But death did us part! That was the deal! 1.3848 0.03003 447 312 98 37
127 Okay, fine! There was some collusion. 1.3839 0.03044 435 304 95 36
128 ...and then they buried me in the suit I wouldn't get caught dead in! 1.3837 0.03088 443 314 88 41
129 Mr. President, Jim Acosta, CNN. 1.3837 0.03121 443 316 84 43
130 I don't mean to sound shallow, but I prefer girls with a little more meat on their bones. 1.3832 0.03065 441 311 91 39
131 Of all the cemeteries in all the towns in all the world... 1.3832 0.03081 441 312 89 40
132 Well hello there, handsome. I always did like a man with a little meat on his bones. 1.3832 0.02874 441 300 113 28
133 Roger was upset to learn that "til death do us part" was more of a sentiment than a rule. 1.3832 0.02914 428 291 110 27
134 Man, am I glad to see you! It’s been so dead around here. 1.3827 0.03006 439 306 98 35
135 BACK OFF !! I have not yet begun to decompose 1.3825 0.03133 434 309 84 41
136 Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. 1.3817 0.03204 427 307 77 43
137 I still don’t ‘have a moment to talk about our lord and savior.’ 1.3816 0.03127 435 310 84 41
138 You can sleep when you're dead, they said... 1.3813 0.03097 417 292 91 34
139 You're dead. Get over it. Learn to live with it. 1.3791 0.03105 422 298 88 36
140 ’Till death do us part’, was eternity enough. 1.3791 0.03195 422 303 78 41
141 Fake death. 1.3788 0.03035 425 297 95 33
142 People are saying that was the largest turnout for a funeral ever. 1.3780 0.03150 410 290 85 35
143 Yes, Mr. Lincoln, we figured you'd be rolling over in your grave. I have no idea, either. 1.3775 0.03161 408 289 84 35
144 Wait, you're telling me Croatia got to the final? 1.3763 0.03234 388 275 80 33
145 Thanks, but I would have preferred to keep my Medicare, Senator Ryan, 1.3760 0.03237 391 278 79 34
146 When I joined the underground, I didn’t know I’d get in so deep. 1.3756 0.03071 410 287 92 31
147 Just my luck,stuck with a mime. 1.3756 0.03071 410 287 92 31
148 Look lady, you're not my type. Yet. 1.3756 0.03071 410 287 92 31
149 Look, all I'm saying is that it was listed as a cozy, ground level studio, and the price seemed reasonable. 1.3744 0.03071 406 284 92 30
150 I thought "til death do us part" was an exit option. 1.3741 0.03097 401 281 90 30
151 You'll find that being down here really starts to eat away at you slowly 1.3740 0.03243 393 281 77 35
152 Do you mind if I take a moment of your time to tell you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? 1.3719 0.03347 398 292 64 42
153 Can you knock it off with the rattling, already? I'm trying to rest in peace over here! 1.3719 0.02901 398 270 108 20
154 No dear, I do not remember if I left food for the cat. 1.3719 0.02966 398 273 102 23
155 Seriously Janet, the vows said, 'til death do us part,' take the hint already. 1.3719 0.02923 398 271 106 21
156 Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ? 1.3718 0.03259 390 280 75 35
157 Hey, we've got a live one! 1.3715 0.03139 393 277 86 30
158 I'm not dead yet -- this is the only way I can avoid the political news every day for the next two years. 1.3712 0.03242 396 285 75 36
159 Hey Bob, it may not seem so great at first but not having to read Trump's daily tweets is a blessing 1.3712 0.03281 396 287 71 38
160 Yeah, I know it’s been a long time and you’ve been dying to see me! 1.3706 0.03070 394 275 92 27
161 For the last time - YES, that coffin makes you look thin. 1.3701 0.03184 381 269 83 29
162 You just couldn’t stay locked in the closet with my other skeletons, could you? 1.3699 0.03204 392 280 79 33
163 We're clothing optional here. 1.3695 0.03128 387 272 87 28
164 Sorry. I’m just not good with faces. 1.3690 0.03298 355 251 77 27
165 For the last time, no, I do not want to play 'I spy.' The answer's dirt. It's always dirt! 1.3688 0.03224 385 275 78 32
166 It's just that I'm looking for somebody closer to my own age." 1.3688 0.03095 385 269 90 26
167 You gotta be kidding me -- six feet under and only two feet apart? 1.3688 0.03029 385 266 96 23
168 I specifically booked a single so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. 1.3687 0.03140 377 264 87 26
169 "HEY! Quiet down. I'm trying to RIP over here! 1.3675 0.03071 381 265 92 24
170 Small underworld! 1.3673 0.03207 373 264 81 28
171 Hey man, give me some skin 1.3668 0.03321 379 275 69 35
172 I was counting on that 'til death do us part' clause. 1.3653 0.03125 375 263 87 25
173 Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon? 1.3653 0.03324 375 272 69 34
174 You don't recognize me? We were friends on Facebook! 1.3653 0.03170 375 265 83 27
175 Howard thought for sure death would relieve him of the necessity to engage in small talk. 1.3639 0.03399 360 262 65 33
176 Good coffins make good neighbors. 1.3639 0.03348 371 270 67 34
177 It was the only property under $5,000 a month on the upper east side. 1.3634 0.03313 366 264 71 31
178 Does ‘til death do us part’ mean nothing to you? 1.3634 0.03175 366 258 83 25
179 You're gonna love it here. I bet you never leave. 1.3631 0.03180 369 261 82 26
180 I dared them to get all the dirt on me that they could. 1.3631 0.03157 369 260 84 25
181 Yorick. And you are...? 1.3628 0.03506 328 237 63 28
182 I swear to god you do one more knock knock joke... 1.3619 0.03268 362 259 75 28
183 I worked the graveyard shift so this was a smooth transition. You on the other hand, look like you were worked to the bone. 1.3619 0.03473 362 268 57 37
184 Would you let me rest in peace? 1.3611 0.03256 360 257 76 27
185 I tried to tell them it was a one word error. I said I 'wouldn't' be caught dead with another woman. 1.3611 0.03396 360 263 64 33
186 Can't you give it an eternal rest? 1.3611 0.03233 360 256 78 26
187 Does this coffin make me look fat? 1.3611 0.03256 360 257 76 27
188 Cremation! I told everybody...cremation! 1.3609 0.03353 363 264 67 32
189 No way. I distinctly said, "til death us do part!" 1.3609 0.03118 363 254 87 22
190 I don't want to split hairs here, hunny, but it was 'til death* do us part. 1.3609 0.03068 363 252 91 20
191 Stop waving, I'm under cover. 1.3606 0.03488 330 239 63 28
192 I promised “till death do us part,” not eternity! 1.3596 0.03232 356 253 78 25
193 Happy wife, happy afterlife. 1.3593 0.03355 359 261 67 31
194 That’s not what ‘As above , so below’ means. 1.3593 0.03332 359 260 69 30
195 I explicitly said, “Don’t plant me next to my mother.” 1.3593 0.03188 359 254 81 24
196 She asked why do husbands die before their wives?... and I told her because WE CAN. 1.3586 0.03466 343 251 61 31
197 I was on Fifth Avenue when the President came up to prove a point... 1.3586 0.03539 343 254 55 34
198 Oh great. Morty from high school. 1.3580 0.03154 352 247 84 21
199 Back off, Agnes! My commitment ended at 'till death do us part.' 1.3563 0.03097 348 242 88 18
200 No, I don't remember you, Okay? 1.3557 0.03362 343 248 68 27
201 Wait! Let me decompose myself first. 1.3557 0.03285 343 245 74 24
202 Fake Burial! 1.3557 0.03559 343 256 52 35
203 What part of 'Rest in Peace' do you not understand? 1.3557 0.03259 343 244 76 23
204 This really is the 'date from hell ' 1.3557 0.03233 343 243 78 22
205 Should've gone with the cremation. 1.3557 0.03153 343 240 84 19
206 Aw,Mom,how many times have I told you not to wait up for me? 1.3550 0.03448 338 247 62 29
207 TWIGS ?? After all this you offer me TWIGS ?? 1.3550 0.03473 338 248 60 30
208 My arms don't even fit. God my family is cheap. 1.3548 0.03426 341 249 63 29
209 I think you should know up front that I’m not looking for anything eternal. 1.3545 0.03318 330 235 73 22
210 Afterlife insurance? Why? 1.3545 0.03205 330 231 81 18
211 This is killing me, I can't place the face. 1.3542 0.03383 336 243 67 26
212 Nice to see you, honey. Didn't I tell you that shiksa was gonna kill you sooner or later? 1.3542 0.03461 336 246 61 29
213 Yes, yes, I AM Ed Sullivan! 1.3542 0.03357 336 242 69 25
214 Five words. First word…wave? 1.3537 0.03515 311 225 62 24
215 Mine was the largest audience to witness a burial, period. Both in person and around the globe. 1.3528 0.03509 326 239 59 28
216 Don’t ask me; I just got here. 1.3522 0.03198 335 236 80 19
217 Scuse me... I'm trying to be dead over here. 1.3519 0.03356 324 232 70 22
218 Elon's supposed to be sending in a rescue team." 1.3519 0.03413 324 234 66 24
219 Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon? 1.3519 0.03496 324 237 60 27
220 So, even in death I'm assigned a seat next to a non-stop talker. 1.3514 0.03293 333 238 73 22
221 Believe me; we're better off down here. 1.3514 0.03454 333 244 61 28
222 Hey! Caught you dead with me after all! 1.3514 0.03428 333 243 63 27
223 I waited all my life for a naked lady to flirt with me 1.3514 0.03320 333 239 71 23
224 It helps if you think outside the box. 1.3505 0.03441 331 242 62 27
225 100 billion dead humans and I get Forrest Gump. 1.3505 0.03360 331 239 68 24
226 And In This Moment, Michael Cohen Regrets, “Taking It To His Grave” 1.3495 0.03346 329 237 69 23
227 Relax! You'll be amazed at how much roomier it gets over time. 1.3495 0.03455 329 241 61 27
228 Still, I prefer a woman with a little meat on her. 1.3488 0.03352 324 233 69 22
229 The name is Bones. James Bones. 1.3488 0.03519 324 239 57 28
230 I should have known better than to go with the family plot! 1.3488 0.03352 324 233 69 22
231 Maybe you didn't notice the RestInPeace sign overhead -- it's Etched In Stone! 1.3488 0.03323 324 232 71 21
232 No! The casket does not make you look fat. 1.3480 0.03502 319 234 59 26
233 Would you knock off the racket! I'm trying to rest in peace! 1.3480 0.03358 319 229 69 21
234 I thought death did us part 1.3478 0.03336 322 231 70 21
235 Quit that rattling. I'm trying to rest in peace here! 1.3478 0.03336 322 231 70 21
236 Till death do us part, Mildred...that was the deal!" 1.3478 0.03450 322 235 62 25
237 Nice to meet you! It's been ages since I've seen anybody in the flesh. 1.3477 0.03198 325 229 79 17
238 Say what you want, every science class totally loved you. 1.3471 0.03363 314 225 69 20
239 Helen! Let me at least rot for a hundred years, then we can talk 1.3471 0.03363 314 225 69 20
240 In an ironic mix-up, Billy Graham is buried next to Joan Rivers. 1.3463 0.03609 309 229 53 27
241 No, I’m too old for you. 1.3459 0.03535 318 235 56 27
242 You call this witness protection? 1.3452 0.03328 310 221 71 18
243 Of course I remembered our anniversary. But what were you expecting me to do about it?” 1.3452 0.03232 310 218 77 15
244 Not you again! 1.3449 0.03434 316 230 63 23
245 This is the last time I’ll use this underground dating service! 1.3449 0.03375 316 228 67 21
246 Close. But, first you shake it all about, then you do hokey pokey. 1.3431 0.03479 306 223 61 22
247 Honestly, I don't find you that attractive anymore. 1.3431 0.03417 306 221 65 20
248 Apparently you can't escape death, taxes...or the chatty seatmate from the plane. 1.3431 0.03540 306 225 57 24
249 No, I don’t have a phone charger. 1.3431 0.03659 306 229 49 28
250 Wait, what?! Who got elected president? 1.3431 0.03570 306 226 55 25
251 He did say he was going to put me in the Cabinet. 1.3421 0.03399 304 219 66 19
252 Welcome 45! Nixon, 37, here! At least they waited for me to die!!!! 1.3421 0.03586 304 225 54 25
253 Exactly HOW do I look gay? 1.3421 0.03524 304 223 58 23
254 The doctor will see you now. 1.3421 0.03524 304 223 58 23
255 Eternal rest, my ass! 1.3421 0.03616 304 226 52 26
256 Sorry, I don't recognize you, I'm not good with skulls. 1.3421 0.03586 304 225 54 25
257 So I'm a little late. What's the big deal? 1.3420 0.03439 307 223 63 21
258 Nothing personal, but I prefer someone with a little meat on their bones. 1.3412 0.03393 296 212 67 17
259 Dad, you almost scared me to death. 1.3411 0.03436 299 216 64 19
260 Dear, yes it’s nice to see you. I was just hoping for a few more years with my second wife. 1.3411 0.03348 302 216 69 17
261 ...so I said we’ll never find Hoffa and he says wanna bet? 1.3401 0.03441 294 212 64 18
262 Yes, you’ve told me over and over. You meant to say “wouldn’t” not “would.” 1.3401 0.03669 294 219 50 25
263 Remember me? You conducted the drug trial. 1.3401 0.03483 297 216 61 20
264 I thought they said I would finally rest in peace. 1.3401 0.03450 297 215 63 19
265 I knew I should've opted for cremation. 1.3399 0.03591 303 225 53 25
266 So what the heck happened to "til death do us part??!!" 1.3390 0.03329 295 210 70 15
267 The student loan collectors will still find you. 1.3390 0.03563 295 217 56 22
268 No, Mr Trump, you can't dig yourself out of this one! 1.3378 0.03710 296 223 46 27
269 Your kidding? I wore my best suit for this? 1.3378 0.03388 296 213 66 17
270 It isn't you. I'm just not looking for a long term relationship. 1.3378 0.03421 296 214 64 18
271 I didn’t come here to make friends. 1.3369 0.03632 279 205 54 20
272 I never used to go for older women,but what's a century or two if we really love each other? 1.3368 0.03425 291 210 64 17
273 I'm not saying it couldn't work. I'm just not ready for a long term commitment 1.3368 0.03561 291 214 56 21
274 I get it, Bernie...your humerus. 1.3368 0.03527 291 213 58 20
275 So now Amazon offers below ground delivery? 1.3368 0.03627 291 216 52 23
276 Remember me? Bob, from accounting! 1.3368 0.03561 291 214 56 21
277 Think outside the box?" That's your advice 1.3367 0.03568 294 217 55 22
278 What part of --'You're dead to me'--don't you understand? 1.3367 0.03568 294 217 55 22
279 The Family Plot Thickens 1.3367 0.03535 294 216 57 21
280 Yes, Mom; I AM wearing this tie with this suit! 1.3357 0.03524 283 206 59 18
281 Skeleton: Godot? 1.3357 0.03736 286 215 46 25
282 Damn. Now Trump gets a third judge pick. 1.3346 0.03895 263 198 42 23
283 Sometimes I wish I never killed you. 1.3345 0.03816 281 213 42 26
284 For God's sake Phil you don't have to be neighborly anymore,we're dead. 1.3345 0.03720 284 213 47 24
285 Laid! I said I wanted to get laid! 1.3333 0.03513 288 211 58 19
286 Which part of 'til death do us part' did you not understand, Janice? 1.3333 0.03443 288 209 62 17
287 Honey, don't you recognize me without my face on? 1.3322 0.03528 286 210 57 19
288 I said till death do us part. 1.3322 0.03458 286 208 61 17
289 Yoo-hoo, it's me, Yorick! 1.3310 0.03681 284 213 48 23
290 Now I get friendly neighbors! 1.3310 0.03400 284 205 64 15
291 Leave me alone! You're dead to me. 1.3310 0.03533 281 206 57 18
292 Give me the fire and brimstone. I'll take anything over polite small talk. 1.3310 0.03497 281 205 59 17
293 This is why I wanted to be cremated... 1.3310 0.03497 281 205 59 17
294 Just my luck, buried next to a nudist. 1.3310 0.03674 281 210 49 22
295 Lord, what part of ‘til death do us part’ did you not understand? 1.3310 0.03349 281 201 67 13
296 Cheapskates left the lid off my coffin, too! 1.3310 0.03461 281 204 61 16
297 Hey, cutie! I love a man with some meat on his bones. 1.3310 0.03604 281 208 53 20
298 How would I know? Maybe it was the kale after all. 1.3310 0.03533 281 206 57 18
299 You are right as always Edna, when I asked to be buried by the woman I truly loved I should have been more specific. 1.3310 0.03461 281 204 61 16
300 Another fatal error in dating app algorithms 1.3309 0.03559 278 204 56 18
301 Awesome!!!! My new body from Amazon has arrived!!! 1.3309 0.03840 278 212 40 26
302 Of course I see the irony of your having been an orthopedic surgeon... 1.3309 0.03667 278 207 50 21
303 What part of 'in peace' don't you understand? 1.3309 0.03549 275 201 57 17
304 What’s a guy gotta do to get a little RIP over here? 1.3309 0.03396 275 197 65 13
305 I only agreed to 'til death do us part, Sylvia! 1.3297 0.03585 279 206 54 19
306 Sure. But not half as terrifying as what’s happening up there. 1.3297 0.03612 276 204 53 19
307 You smell like death. Haha that’s just a joke we like to tell down here. I’m Paul by the way. 1.3297 0.03824 276 210 41 25
308 A teacher's worse nightmare. Eternity next to a student that always wants to answer the question 1.3297 0.03712 273 204 48 21
309 Don't you read our tombstones? RIP! 1.3271 0.03584 266 195 55 16
310 Can't you see it says RIP? 1.3271 0.03584 266 195 55 16
311 What can I say? Too many preservatives. 1.3265 0.03563 245 176 58 11
312 Of course, I'm still attracted to you, but now it's more spiritual than physical." 1.3260 0.03595 273 202 53 18
313 I’d die before I’d date you” was a figure of speech, not a promise 1.3260 0.03442 273 198 61 14
314 Dammit, the deal was, 'Till death do we part!' 1.3260 0.03481 273 199 59 15
315 I'm sorry. I'm afraid I don't recognize you. 1.3260 0.03520 273 200 57 16
316 Oh Great ! The always have to say hello neighbor. 1.3259 0.03546 270 198 56 16
317 Sorry, love, "till death do we part" doesn't include eternity. 1.3247 0.03377 271 195 64 12
318 "All I ask is a few minutes alone, a little peace and relaxation without running into somebody I know. 1.3247 0.03496 271 198 58 15
319 Whaaat? It's supposed to be til death do us part! 1.3247 0.03573 271 200 54 17
320 You look just like your profile picture. 1.3247 0.03496 271 198 58 15
321 Lookit, I'm sorry. I don't recognize you. 1.3247 0.03611 271 201 52 18
322 I should have been cremated... 1.3247 0.03760 271 205 44 22
323 They put me in a suit for this! 1.3247 0.03649 271 202 50 19
324 So, NOW you want to make up. 1.3247 0.03573 271 200 54 17
325 All my life I've been overdressed. 1.3247 0.03573 271 200 54 17
326 What part of "Til death do you part" do you not understand? 1.3246 0.03442 268 194 61 13
327 I guess he wasn't kidding when he said, "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any voters." 1.3246 0.03752 268 202 45 21
328 Nice gesture, Mr. Mueller. But this is all a grave mistake. 1.3245 0.04003 265 206 32 27
329 Of all the cemetery plots in all the towns in all the world, she’s buried next to mine. 1.3244 0.03736 262 196 47 19
330 Sorry I only promised till death do us part. 1.3233 0.03577 266 196 54 16
331 you weren't funny then, and you're not funny now. 1.3222 0.03801 239 177 47 15
332 Well that's just great, a nudist next door. Can this day get any worse? 1.3216 0.03761 255 191 46 18
333 “Roses aren’t dead. Neither are you. Welcome to endlessness. How do you do?” 1.3206 0.03527 262 192 56 14
334 Did they ever make Catcher in the Rye into a movie? Did the Cubs eventually win the series? Did Bob Dylan ever make a comeback? 1.3206 0.03689 262 196 48 18
335 It already feels like an eternity. 1.3206 0.03649 262 195 50 17
336 How d'ya like the new digs? 1.3192 0.03666 260 194 49 17
337 It's not you, I just prefer women with a little more meat on their bones. 1.3192 0.03666 260 194 49 17
338 No, I would not like to buy a timeshare! 1.3192 0.03786 260 197 43 20
339 Wow. You looked different in your Tinder photo. 1.3192 0.03746 260 196 45 19
340 I'm just saying, you all look the same. 1.3192 0.03542 260 191 55 14
341 Whoa, now. What's this? I think we were both pretty clear about the '"til death do us part'"part of our vows 1.3191 0.03612 257 190 52 15
342 No one dresses up anymore 1.3191 0.03570 257 189 54 14
343 Your family was too cheap to pay for a lid, too??!! 1.3191 0.03440 257 186 60 11
344 You will eventually fit in! 1.3189 0.03767 254 191 45 18
345 Oh great, now I'm overdressed! 1.3189 0.03554 254 186 55 13
346 I'd like to add you to my LinkedIn network 1.3189 0.03808 254 192 43 19
347 Of course I didn't bring it with me. 1.3189 0.03808 254 192 43 19
348 Why did I forget my headphones? 1.3187 0.03626 251 185 52 14
349 It's only until the audit's over. 1.3187 0.03670 251 186 50 15
350 Then my insurer says being dead is a preexisting condition.” 1.3187 0.03670 251 186 50 15
351 So I shot somebody in the middle of Times Square, and it DID matter. 1.3187 0.03798 251 189 44 18
352 I knew the plot would end like this. 1.3176 0.03671 255 190 49 16
353 ...and then your great-great uncle Fritz married a Johnson girl and they had seven children and...and...are you listening!? 1.3173 0.03687 249 185 49 15
354 When I said I was into older women, this isn't what I meant! 1.3171 0.03849 246 186 42 18
355 Can't you read my headstone? I'm trying to rest in peace. 1.3171 0.03805 246 185 44 17
356 At least I got out of Flint 1.3171 0.03672 246 182 50 14
357 Don't you remember? I said till death do us part" 1.3171 0.03627 246 181 52 13
358 Did you come straight from work?! 1.3167 0.03733 240 178 48 14
359 Yoohoo, Harry, It's Mom! 1.3162 0.03772 253 191 44 18
360 Real funny. My kids buried me next to my mother in law. 1.3158 0.03704 247 184 48 15
361 I was expecting something a little more... Heavenly. 1.3158 0.03792 247 186 44 17
362 Calm down. It's impossible. There is no winning this week's caption context. 1.3158 0.03962 247 190 36 21
363 Right! If you're Jimmy Hoffa, I'm Albert Einstein! 1.3158 0.03920 247 189 38 20
364 Oh, great. I overdressed again. 1.3158 0.03568 247 181 54 12
365 Don't these things have lids? 1.3158 0.03704 247 184 48 15
366 We said, 'Till death do us part.' That was the deal. 1.3158 0.03475 247 179 58 10
367 Can you please keep it down? Some of us are trying to rot! 1.3158 0.03878 247 188 40 19
368 He jumped to conclusions. All I said was, "Putin." It could have been George Putin, Fred Putin, ANY Putin. 1.3158 0.03704 247 184 48 15
369 Can I borrow your jacket? I've been chilly since 1956. 1.3158 0.03835 247 187 42 18
370 I prefer women with a little meat on their bones. 1.3158 0.03835 247 187 42 18
371 What do you want me to say, Helen? Yes, you look thin in your casket. 1.3156 0.03689 244 181 49 14
372 Have you heard of Herbalife? I've lost over 100 lbs in one year! 1.3156 0.03824 244 184 43 17
373 I didn't say shoot ME on fifth avenue! 1.3154 0.03857 241 182 42 17
374 I don't know. I thought I was in a mattress store. 1.3147 0.03832 251 191 41 19
375 Could we please stick with "Till death do us part"? 1.3147 0.03343 251 180 63 8
376 It's so great to have a new neighbor. The last one fell apart on me. 1.3147 0.03705 251 188 47 16
377 Give it a rest. 1.3147 0.03790 251 190 43 18
378 You with your natural food diet - those preservatives haven't hurt me one bit. 1.3147 0.03391 251 181 61 9
379 So I'm going to tell him the truth, I said. I'm going to tell him he screwed up, I said. What's the worst he can do, I said. He's President of the United States, I said, not the President of Russia, I said. 1.3140 0.03707 242 180 48 14
380 Yes, the Cubs won the World Series in 2016. And I'm guessing hell did not freeze over. 1.3140 0.03931 242 185 38 19
381 I think you are making fun of my small hands 1.3133 0.03893 249 191 38 20
382 Again with the nosy neighbors!? 1.3130 0.03572 246 181 53 12
383 ...just my luck to wind up next to a yenta..." 1.3130 0.03841 246 187 41 18
384 Compose yourself! 1.3130 0.03664 246 183 49 14
385 There's no WIFI here so you better start making real friends. 1.3130 0.03884 246 188 39 19
386 They said the neighborhood was to die for. 1.3130 0.03618 246 182 51 13
387 Yes Mom, it's a new suit; No, you wouldn't know anyone at the funeral! 1.3125 0.03862 240 182 41 17
388 I know I said ‘I woudn’t’ But meant to say ‘I would’. 1.3125 0.03995 240 185 35 20
389 Whoa! What'd you say? Donald Trump? President? 1.3125 0.03995 240 185 35 20
390 Take my word for it - it beats having to listen to the news every night! 1.3125 0.03724 240 179 47 14
391 My wife asked if I wanted to be buried or cremated. I said surprise me. Here I am. 1.3125 0.03771 240 180 45 15
392 Gimmee some skin brother! 1.3115 0.03541 244 179 54 11
393 I gotta start thinking out of the box. 1.3106 0.03726 235 175 47 13
394 Can’t a guy ever just rest in peace? 1.3099 0.03698 242 181 47 14
395 What ever happened to resting in peace? 1.3099 0.03651 242 180 49 13
396 What part of 'rest in peace' don't you understand? 1.3099 0.03698 242 181 47 14
397 I'll let you get settled. Plenty of time to talk later. 1.3099 0.03604 242 179 51 12
398 Fake news! 1.3099 0.03790 242 183 43 16
399 I used to say 'I'll sleep when I'm dead.' I didn't know I'd be buried next to a Walmart greeter. 1.3099 0.03790 242 183 43 16
400 On the bright side, you can stop dieting. 1.3097 0.03823 226 169 44 13
401 On Halloween we all get a raise 1.3097 0.03925 226 171 40 15
402 No, seriously; the host of The Apprentice. 1.3096 0.04045 239 186 32 21
403 You see, this is why I kept you in the closet! 1.3096 0.03633 239 177 50 12
404 Oh hey, been meaning to remind you, I still have your hedge trimmer in my garage. 1.3090 0.03793 233 175 44 14
405 Just give me some time to decompose myself. 1.3090 0.03936 233 178 38 17
406 No: I’m not going to help you cast an absentee ballot for Donald Trump in 2020. 1.3090 0.03793 233 175 44 14
407 Hi Neighbor, weren't you told about casual Fridays? 1.3090 0.03889 233 177 40 16
408 Hey, at least no more taxes! Am I right? 1.3083 0.03808 240 182 42 16
409 Why, hello there! Aren't you looking funeral parlor fresh? 1.3083 0.03943 240 185 36 19
410 I'm your Uber driver, Charon. 1.3083 0.03715 240 180 46 14
411 I lost 223 pounds. 1.3083 0.03668 240 179 48 13
412 Happy Anniversary, darling. I know you’ll be happy to see that I finally lost those extra pounds. 1.3083 0.03762 240 181 44 15
413 Don't worry, Amazon delivers here, too. 1.3083 0.03943 240 185 36 19
414 Can you keep it down please? I'm trying to eternally rest. 1.3083 0.03854 240 183 40 17
415 Would you give it a rest already? 1.3083 0.03808 240 182 42 16
416 And me without my soft tissues. 1.3083 0.03808 240 182 42 16
417 I thought Death meant we could be apart 1.3083 0.03762 240 181 44 15
418 For God sake, Mrs Robinson, you're still trying to seduce me !? 1.3083 0.03762 240 181 44 15
419 It was either this or a studio in Yonkers. 1.3080 0.03887 237 181 39 17
420 Till death do us PART, Maude! 1.3080 0.03699 237 177 47 13
421 Well, it was the last lot in NYC under a million. 1.3080 0.03794 237 179 43 15
422 Trump didn't realize he buried the dignity of the presidency until he couldn't get out of the hole he dug himself into. Now Benedict Arnold has a neighbor. 1.3080 0.03933 237 182 37 18
423 Hey!I'm Resting In Peace over here ! 1.3080 0.03841 237 180 41 16
424 I leave them all my money and they're too cheap to buy a coffin with a top...you too huh? 1.3074 0.03762 231 173 45 13
425 Hi there. Remember how you said you'd be embarrassed if you called 911 and there was nothing wrong. 1.3070 0.03794 228 171 44 13
426 Yes, mother, I know I should have been more careful! 1.3064 0.03860 235 179 40 16
427 I'm innocent! I swear it on my mother's grave. Oh, hi mom. 1.3056 0.04146 216 167 32 17
428 I don't think you're getting the concept of "Rest-inPeace" ! 1.3053 0.03761 226 169 45 12
429 So how was I to know when I bought adjacent plots with my ex-wife that it would be a decision I would regret for all eternity? 1.3047 0.04066 233 182 31 20
430 I said I was buried in debt, not buried and dead! 1.3047 0.03582 233 172 51 10
431 I looked better when I first got here, too. 1.3047 0.03880 233 178 39 16
432 Finally! Someone who gets me! 1.3047 0.03927 233 179 37 17
433 Great. The only thing that's certain is taxes. 1.3047 0.03684 233 174 47 12
434 We have the whole afterlife to get to know each other, but right now, I think I want to decompose a little. 1.3047 0.03633 233 173 49 11
435 Can't a guy get a little peace and quiet down here, mom? Yes, I see you waving, I see you waving!! 1.3047 0.03684 233 174 47 12
436 This whole open casket thing is clearly overrated 1.3043 0.03816 230 174 42 14
437 Ugh, cougar. 1.3043 0.03865 230 175 40 15
438 Stop or I'll tell you who's president. 1.3043 0.04057 230 179 32 19
439 I paid for a single! 1.3043 0.03914 230 176 38 16
440 'Sleep when you're dead!' they said.. And now THIS! 1.3043 0.03664 230 171 48 11
441 Hell is other people. 1.3043 0.03766 230 173 44 13
442 Yoo Hoo! Do you have a cigarette? 1.3043 0.04104 230 180 30 20
443 No, no... I'm just here till 2020. 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
444 Who knows? Too much formaldehyde? 1.3040 0.03695 227 169 47 11
445 Who does a guy got to kill to rest in peace around here? 1.3040 0.04142 227 178 29 20
446 Compose yourself! Compose yourself! 1.3040 0.03900 227 173 39 15
447 Great. Buried next to my student loan officer. 1.3026 0.03983 228 176 35 17
448 Of course. I get the spot next to the chatty box of bones. Hey dude! What part of Rest In Peace don’t you get? 1.3026 0.03784 228 172 43 13
449 Thanks, but It’s too soon to date again. 1.3026 0.03628 228 169 49 10
450 Stop, stop, you’re killing me! 1.3026 0.03733 228 171 45 12
451 God, Mildred — you've taken stalking to a whole new level! 1.3026 0.03784 228 172 43 13
452 All I wanted was a Rent controlled apartment in a quiet neighborhood. 1.3026 0.03681 228 170 47 11
453 Rest in PEACE, man! Rest.. In.. PEACE! 1.3026 0.03628 228 169 49 10
454 Mom!!!! You're embarrassing me...... 1.3026 0.04079 228 178 31 19
455 Stop it! Yer killin me! 1.3022 0.03817 225 170 42 13
456 I am still ignoring you , mom. 1.3022 0.03765 225 169 44 12
457 No I didn't bring any cigarettes and you don't have any lungs. 1.3022 0.03817 225 170 42 13
458 It was an assisted suicide. I disagreed with my wife. 1.3018 0.04108 222 173 31 18
459 Yoohoooo, Mr. Stevens!!! It’s your neighbor, Gladys Kravitz!!! 1.3000 0.04130 220 172 30 18
460 Excuse me, Sir, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ? 1.3000 0.04230 220 174 26 20
461 Sorry, I don't have any. Quit smoking a long time ago. 1.3000 0.03871 220 167 40 13
462 I said "I wouldn't bet my life on it!" 1.3000 0.03924 220 168 38 14
463 Sorry sweetheart, we're all taken or gay down here too. 1.3000 0.03871 220 167 40 13
464 I wish I’d spent more time at the office! 1.3000 0.03871 220 167 40 13
465 Enough with the vigor mortis. 1.3000 0.03817 220 166 42 12
466 Seriously?! What ever happened to "'til death do us part?" 1.3000 0.03762 220 165 44 11
467 Seriously? It clearly stated “until death do us part!” 1.3000 0.03707 220 164 46 10
468 He's wondering why I am still so composed. 1.3000 0.03762 220 165 44 11
469 I meant wouldn't not would. 1.3000 0.03924 220 168 38 14
470 I think I’m in another dead-end job! 1.3000 0.04029 220 170 34 16
471 Of all the graveyards in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. 1.3000 0.04029 220 170 34 16
472 Once you settle in, you'll have to come over. 1.3000 0.03977 220 169 36 15
473 What part of 'til death' don't you understand? 1.3000 0.03817 220 166 42 12
474 But what if I don’t want the worms to cleanse me of my caustic nature and bitter soul? 1.3000 0.04130 220 172 30 18
475 Whatever happened to "'til death do us part"? 1.3000 0.03871 220 167 40 13
476 Seriously...this is not what I meant when I said I was dying to meet you! 1.3000 0.03817 220 166 42 12
477 The last thing I heard was "I got you covered". 1.3000 0.03871 220 167 40 13
478 Hey! Hey! Can it. We all still had things to do. 1.3000 0.03977 220 169 36 15
479 Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! 1.2991 0.04026 224 174 33 17
480 I get it... Do something while there's still skin in the game. 1.2991 0.03769 224 169 43 12
481 I said to her that I feel dead inside. BIG mistake. 1.2991 0.03822 224 170 41 13
482 Hey Pal, the RIP thing ain’t a suggestion 1.2991 0.03661 224 167 47 10
483 Oh God, just kill me. 1.2991 0.03769 224 169 43 12
484 Please God, tell me that’s not my mother-in-law. 1.2986 0.03802 221 167 42 12
485 Hi, my name is Democracy. I'd like to give you these flowers for trying to save me. 1.2977 0.03927 215 164 38 13
486 I ate a Tide pod. It was fucking awesome. 1.2972 0.03907 212 161 39 12
487 Time share of a life time they said. Down Under, just one silent partner. What could go wrong? 1.2968 0.03876 219 167 39 13
488 Bone Voyage 1.2968 0.03982 219 169 35 15
489 So, you must be the new guy. 1.2968 0.03876 219 167 39 13
490 Hey - I'm dying here! 1.2968 0.03710 219 164 45 10
491 Wait till I have time to decompose myself. 1.2968 0.03876 219 167 39 13
492 Like 'FOREVER,' 'forever?' 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
493 These airbnb options are getting ridiculous 1.2949 0.04056 217 169 32 16
494 I can't hear you,you must be in a dead spot. 1.2949 0.04003 217 168 34 15
495 Fine, have the last word! 1.2949 0.03950 217 167 36 14
496 They thought I was dead, but I just didn't have my coffee. 1.2947 0.04138 190 145 34 11
497 Not until I know what gender you are. 1.2930 0.03687 215 161 45 9
498 Who can even turn over in one of these things? 1.2930 0.03971 215 166 35 14
499 Hey! I thought it was; life's a bitch and then you die. Not the other way around. 1.2930 0.04025 215 167 33 15
500 For the last time, no, I don't have time to hear an important message about the Scriptures. 1.2930 0.04079 215 168 31 16
501 Gary Wilson? Its Will, BHS class of '68! I sat behind you in chemistry, I was the one always playing with the Bunsen burners. 1.2930 0.04079 215 168 31 16
502 Ok, ok, I"ll do it one last time: "It's gonna to be a really big Shew!" 1.2930 0.03860 215 164 39 12
503 What part of "til death do us part' didn't you get, Helen? 1.2930 0.03916 215 165 37 13
504 Great, now I'll have to keep up with the "Boneses". 1.2930 0.03860 215 164 39 12
505 I thought "till death do us part" was binding! 1.2930 0.03627 215 160 47 8
506 Live! From New York!! I’m Ed Sullivan!!! 1.2930 0.04079 215 168 31 16
507 Hi! I'm Mike and I will be mentoring you through Rigor Mortis during the next 24 hours." 1.2930 0.03860 215 164 39 12
508 I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia. 1.2930 0.03860 215 164 39 12
509 Margo, I just got here. I can't tell yet if that coffin makes you look fat 1.2930 0.03803 215 163 41 11
510 Get over yourself . You’re way too old for me. 1.2930 0.03687 215 161 45 9
511 What happened to 'til death do us part? 1.2930 0.03745 215 162 43 10
512 This is worse than I thought. 1.2930 0.04025 215 167 33 15
513 What's not clear about "till death do us part" 1.2925 0.03952 212 163 36 13
514 They didn't tell me I'd be in a WiFi dead zone. 1.2925 0.03895 212 162 38 12
515 Remember? Until death do us part?" 1.2925 0.03779 212 160 42 10
516 Pull my finger. 1.2925 0.03952 212 163 36 13
517 We’ve been over this. You need to find another therapist. 1.2925 0.03952 212 163 36 13
518 Well shucks, I just got here, I'm not ready to date yet. 1.2925 0.03837 212 161 40 11
519 The rent here is to die for. 1.2925 0.03895 212 162 38 12
520 I used to think I knew what happened after death, but then again, I also thought you needed muscle to wave 1.2925 0.04008 212 164 34 14
521 I tell you - I'm so done with these cheap Airbnb's " 1.2925 0.03837 212 161 40 11
522 Hey, how are the Brooklyn Dodgers doing this season? 1.2919 0.03752 209 157 43 9
523 You're dead to me. 1.2913 0.04144 206 161 30 15
524 Hey! Long time no see! 1.2906 0.03946 203 155 37 11
525 The ad read, “Cozy, quiet, secluded...” 1.2905 0.04086 210 164 31 15
526 You almost scared me to death! 1.2905 0.04030 210 163 33 14
527 Oh my god, it’s my mother in law! 1.2905 0.03973 210 162 35 13
528 No, I didn't close the garage door. 1.2892 0.04050 204 158 33 13
529 What? We said until death do us part! 1.2892 0.03804 204 154 41 9
530 It's 'til death us do part,' so knock it off. 1.2892 0.04050 204 158 33 13
531 Hey,you don't look like the picture in your profile! 1.2892 0.03990 204 157 35 12
532 Who knew it'd be a dead-end job? 1.2892 0.04050 204 158 33 13
533 Keep it down, will you? I'm trying to decompose over here. 1.2892 0.03929 204 156 37 11
534 No, I'm not dead. I'm just waiting out the midterms 1.2892 0.04050 204 158 33 13
535 Our agreement was till death do us part 1.2892 0.03990 204 157 35 12
536 So much for "eternal rest". 1.2892 0.03929 204 156 37 11
537 Ugh -- worst Airbnb ever. 1.2892 0.03804 204 154 41 9
538 Shush. You're waking the dead. 1.2892 0.03929 204 156 37 11
539 I just don't understand it. One minute I'm at the Summit Meeting and suddenly... 1.2892 0.03990 204 157 35 12
540 Seriously?! Next to my mother-in-law? 1.2892 0.04168 204 160 29 15
541 For God’s sake, woman! Can’t a man get ONE MINUTE of peace and quiet?!? 1.2892 0.03929 204 156 37 11
542 Man, you flirt with Death just once... 1.2892 0.03867 204 155 39 10
543 Honestly, this is an upgrade from my last apartment 1.2892 0.04050 204 158 33 13
544 Now your headaches better?? 1.2886 0.03904 201 153 38 10
545 Dress code is Casual Eternity. 1.2886 0.04029 201 155 34 12
546 No, no, no, I still don’t want to hear the Good News! 1.2885 0.04052 208 162 32 14
547 Welcome to 'Deep State'. 1.2872 0.04216 188 146 30 12
548 So it's been 548 days since he took office. didn't you care when your cardiologist warned you against a diet of tequila shots and cheese fries? 1.2872 0.04079 188 144 34 10
549 Yes, Mom, I missed you, I missed you. 1.2864 0.03793 199 150 41 8
550 Can't a guy just rest in peace? 1.2864 0.04051 199 154 33 12
551 Jump your bones? 1.2850 0.04034 200 155 33 12
552 All she said was, "Would it kill you to stop looking at facebook?" 1.2850 0.03907 200 153 37 10
553 Nope, I still have a headache. 1.2850 0.04034 200 155 33 12
554 Sweetie, when I said, ‘til death do us part,’ I meant it. 1.2843 0.03727 204 154 42 8
555 You'll be fitting in, in no time 1.2843 0.04038 204 159 32 13
556 I give up. Is it really you mom? 1.2843 0.03811 197 149 40 8
557 Wait, I thought death did us part! 1.2843 0.03811 197 149 40 8
558 Can't a fellow just rest in peace? 1.2843 0.03878 197 150 38 9
559 So she says 'Would it kill you to buy me some flowers?' 1.2843 0.04260 197 156 26 15
560 You gotta be kidding, what does it take to get some time to myself. 1.2843 0.04074 197 153 32 12
561 Do I know You? 1.2843 0.04074 197 153 32 12
562 So whaddya want me to do, Ma? I'm freakin' DEAD! 1.2843 0.03945 197 151 36 10
563 "No, I don't think I'll ever again say I'm dying to lose weight! " 1.2843 0.03945 197 151 36 10
564 Sorry, I don't date older corpses. 1.2843 0.03878 197 150 38 9
565 All I can tell you is keep yourself hydrated. 1.2843 0.03945 197 151 36 10
566 Mom, just let me rest in peace for a minute, okay? 1.2843 0.03811 197 149 40 8
567 Geez, I said one nice thing about her clavicle and she thinks we're in relationship! 1.2843 0.03811 197 149 40 8
568 So I says to the Angel of Death, 'What else you got'? 1.2843 0.03601 197 146 46 5
569 This open concept casket is great for entertaining. 1.2843 0.04137 197 154 30 13
570 Its 'til death do us PART, Karen! 1.2843 0.03945 197 151 36 10
571 Stop, you're killing me. 1.2843 0.04010 197 152 34 11
572 OK, already! Yes, I'm single. 1.2843 0.03811 197 149 40 8
573 Don't believe that 'Rest in Peace' stuff. 1.2843 0.04074 197 153 32 12
574 This will be the greatest burial ever in the history of the world and, by the way, I didn't take away your health insurance. 1.2843 0.03878 197 150 38 9
575 When I said I was going back to my roots, I meant Ohio. 1.2843 0.04074 197 153 32 12
576 Hi hon. Miss me? 1.2843 0.04074 197 153 32 12
577 What happened to the ‘PART’ part?! 1.2828 0.03794 198 150 40 8
578 I f******* hated “Our Town” 1.2828 0.03794 198 150 40 8
579 Oh no! My mother-in-law! 1.2828 0.03992 198 153 34 11
580 Oh good. There you are. I've been waiting six years to tell you about my dream. 1.2828 0.03861 198 151 38 9
581 Shake your fist at me all you want. I'm still happy I voted for Trump. 1.2828 0.04180 198 156 28 14
582 That's the worst thing about death. Feigning social niceties with adjacent rotting corpses. 1.2811 0.04034 185 142 34 9
583 I just got here so I’m not looking for anything serious right now. 1.2804 0.03975 189 145 35 9
584 Yeah, yeah. You don't belong here. We all say that. 1.2802 0.03845 182 137 39 6
585 Ed! Ed Sulivan! It's me -- Joan Rivers! Look at you in a kosher coffin -- if it weren't for the formaldehyde people would think you're a Jew! 1.2798 0.04185 193 152 28 13
586 Ugh! What happened to till death do us part!? 1.2798 0.03918 193 148 36 9
587 You had me at "Hello." 1.2793 0.04118 179 138 32 9
588 Fine, yes, okay. You can borrow my suit for the Monster Mash. 1.2792 0.03930 197 152 35 10
589 Dear lord, they buried me in a nudist colony – next to a liberal! 1.2792 0.04123 197 155 29 13
590 The saying 'I'm old but I'm not dead' doesn't work anymore. 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
591 This is the last place I thought someone would recognize me. 1.2789 0.03813 190 144 39 7
592 RIP my ass! 1.2789 0.04294 190 151 25 14
593 Darling,how many times do I have to tell you that I'm sick to death of hearing about all the weight you've lost?!? 1.2789 0.04229 190 150 27 13
594 I just got here. What do I know? 1.2789 0.03957 190 146 35 9
595 I'm trying to rest in peace, here! 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
596 Hey buddy, what part of "R.I.P." don't you get? 1.2789 0.03813 190 144 39 7
597 I thought it was til death do us part. 1.2789 0.03739 190 143 41 6
598 All I said was, "Mr Putin, you should offer to speak to Mueller when you go to Washington to visit Trump." 1.2789 0.03957 190 146 35 9
599 This reminds me of the TV commercial with the man and woman in the two tubs. Funny! It doesn't feel romantic now! 1.2789 0.04026 190 147 33 10
600 I told you that keto diet was amazing. 1.2789 0.04358 190 152 23 15
601 'Til death do us part! Remember the vows? Now leave me alone! 1.2789 0.03813 190 144 39 7
602 Why didn't they splurge for a lid? 1.2789 0.04026 190 147 33 10
603 SOLD - Cozy studio unit in quiet, well established, neighborhood. Ample green space and great neighbors. (Photo may not be of exact unit) 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
604 Hey! I see you chose the early retirement plan. 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
605 Oh great, I'm in the clothing optional section. 1.2789 0.03739 190 143 41 6
606 You’d think this would be one place where you’re left alone, but NOOO. 1.2789 0.03957 190 146 35 9
607 Hey, so Hillary won and all is good, right? 1.2789 0.03957 190 146 35 9
608 Okay, okay, it wasn't the cooking and you do have big bones. 1.2789 0.04229 190 150 27 13
609 Of all the cemeteries in all the towns in all the world, she's buried in mine. 1.2789 0.04229 190 150 27 13
610 Now is not the time to lecture me on smoking! 1.2789 0.03957 190 146 35 9
611 I told you 20 years ago, I already have insurance! 1.2789 0.04162 190 149 29 12
612 Underground nightlife sounded good ... at first 1.2789 0.03886 190 145 37 8
613 Before you know it you'll have roots in the community. 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
614 So, I forgot our anniversary. Sue me! 1.2789 0.03886 190 145 37 8
615 You must be new around here. 1.2789 0.04162 190 149 29 12
616 'Till death do us part my a** 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
617 I knew I shouldn’t have let her take out ‘Till death do us part’. 1.2789 0.04026 190 147 33 10
618 Guess what? No heaven!​ 1.2787 0.04272 183 144 27 12
619 I’m ghosting you. 1.2784 0.04035 194 151 32 11
620 Harold, Now you decide to come out! 1.2784 0.03901 194 149 36 9
621 Do you come here often? 1.2784 0.04035 194 151 32 11
622 Tell me about it. I jogged. ate healthy and didn’t smoke — what a waste. 1.2784 0.03832 194 148 38 8
623 I think it's because I'm dead on the inside. 1.2775 0.04143 191 150 29 12
624 Oh, I know. I know. Ed Sullivan! 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
625 I guess my family paid for better embalming fluid 1.2757 0.04090 185 144 31 10
626 You call that thinking outside the box? 1.2751 0.04030 189 147 32 10
627 Must you always have the last word? 1.2742 0.04141 186 146 29 11
628 Obviously, my wife misunderstood me when I said I was desperate for some peace and quiet. 1.2742 0.04347 186 149 23 14
629 Dead with benefits? 1.2742 0.03999 186 144 33 9
630 You??? What about that death do us part promise?? 1.2742 0.03925 186 143 35 8
631 Just tell me how you got out of your suit? It's hot as hell down here! 1.2742 0.04347 186 149 23 14
632 Why am I so attractive to older women? 1.2742 0.04211 186 147 27 12
633 Excuse me…How did ‘Game of Thrones’ end?” 1.2742 0.03999 186 144 33 9
634 Is Hillary everything we had hoped for? 1.2742 0.04347 186 149 23 14
635 This is not rest or peace 1.2737 0.04011 190 148 32 10
636 I honestly believed it WOULD end when we reached the "till death us do part" part. 1.2732 0.03964 183 141 34 8
637 Sorry babe, but I prefer a gal with a little meat on her bones. 1.2732 0.03730 183 138 40 5
638 Then he demanded, "Your money or your life..." You too? 1.2732 0.04113 183 143 30 10
639 It's too late for apologies, Gladys. 1.2732 0.03810 183 139 38 6
640 The aggravating part is I still don't feel ready to make a commitment! 1.2732 0.04185 183 144 28 11
641 Yoo-hoo! 1.2727 0.04326 187 150 23 14
642 The tree is in YOUR yard, lady. 1.2727 0.03833 187 143 37 7
643 Hey there, friend! Have a few minutes to talk about hole life insurance? 1.2727 0.04122 187 147 29 11
644 So what did I go and buy a suit for? 1.2727 0.03833 187 143 37 7
645 I meant pull the plug in the bathtub. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
646 Death was supposed to end this! 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
647 Eating organic really does make a difference. 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
648 I was hoping death would us part." 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
649 I’ve been pushing these up just for you. 1.2727 0.04122 187 147 29 11
650 Sorry, I prefer women with a bit more flesh on their bones. 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
651 Hello? Doesn't anyone knock before they inter? 1.2727 0.03907 187 144 35 8
652 Damn Google Maps. I followed directions to Gravesend Brooklyn and you’re saying I’m DEAD? Unbelievable. 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
653 I think I'll pass. 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
654 I wonder if anyone else fell for this Down Under getaway? 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
655 I'm flattered, but I'm not looking for anything serious right now. 1.2727 0.03907 187 144 35 8
656 Is no place safe from gentrification? 1.2727 0.04457 187 152 19 16
657 And now the plot thickens. 1.2727 0.04122 187 147 29 11
658 Buried is the new dead. 1.2727 0.04122 187 147 29 11
659 If this is all there is, wave. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
660 I never know what to wear to these things. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
661 Hey new guy, no worries. It'll take till spring for your clothes to melt off but then it's quite roomy 1.2727 0.03833 187 143 37 7
662 Oh, my God, my mother-in-law...Sartre was right. 1.2722 0.04156 180 141 29 10
663 But, I had the biggest inauguration crowds ever... 1.2722 0.04445 180 145 21 14
664 Oh, Dang - this suit isn't recyclable and I'll be in it for Eternity. 1.2717 0.04093 184 144 30 10
665 I thought I asked for a single ! 1.2717 0.03632 184 138 42 4
666 Like I've been telling you for eternity ... I did not know you were allergic to daisies. 1.2717 0.04020 184 143 32 9
667 I thought I said, "DON'T wait up for me!" 1.2717 0.04165 184 145 28 11
668 But enough about me 1.2717 0.04093 184 144 30 10
669 Great...a pushy bonehead neighbor for all eternity. 1.2717 0.04093 184 144 30 10
670 What now?" 1.2717 0.04020 184 143 32 9
671 All right already!! "Dem bones dem bones dem crazy bones..." 1.2717 0.04305 184 147 24 13
672 Your roommate ad was misleading. 1.2717 0.03869 184 141 36 7
673 Wake up hombre, it’s dia de los Muertos! 1.2717 0.03632 184 138 42 4
674 We're stuck here, so live with it! 1.2717 0.03792 184 140 38 6
675 Hi I know we’ve never met but we were friends on Facebook 1.2717 0.04236 184 146 26 12
676 If I give you my flowers, will you finally shut up about Hillary's emails? 1.2717 0.04236 184 146 26 12
677 How did I get here? Well, there was this news conference, and I asked Putin a question that he didn't like. 1.2717 0.04305 184 147 24 13
678 Harriet, you begged me for years to wear this suit. So now I am! 1.2717 0.04165 184 145 28 11
679 And he says, "I'm dying here!" 1.2717 0.04236 184 146 26 12
680 What about "until death do us part?" 1.2717 0.03792 184 140 38 6
681 Do I look fat in this casket!? That’s the first question you ask me, Muriel? 1.2717 0.04441 184 149 20 15
682 Why do I always get seated next to a weirdo?! 1.2717 0.04165 184 145 28 11
683 Stop me if you’ve already heard this one. 1.2717 0.03713 184 139 40 5
684 What did I do in life to end up next to the founder of Welcome Wagon? 1.2717 0.04093 184 144 30 10
685 No, I don't want to join your professional network on Linkedin. 1.2717 0.04165 184 145 28 11
686 On and on about the flowers, just take mine, I'm trying to rest in peace here! 1.2717 0.03945 184 142 34 8
687 It should have been obvious that what I meant was, 'I wouldn't rather be dead than listen to my intelligence community.' 1.2717 0.04499 173 139 21 13
688 Dear God, Margaret. Do you hear yourself? I'm here, like, what, five minutes? And already you're starting with the rattle, rattle, rattle. Can't I get some peace and quiet? Oh, and your sister called. We have to send her a sign we arrived o.k. 1.2707 0.04210 181 143 27 11
689 Could be worse. At least I don’t have to watch the GOP bury its head in the sand any more. 1.2707 0.04061 181 141 31 9
690 Hey new neighbor, could you stop the complaining about what’s going on in Washington and just roll over like the rest of us do?” 1.2697 0.04104 178 139 30 9
691 So much for peace. 1.2697 0.03865 178 136 36 6
692 Stop me if you've heard this one before. 1.2697 0.03865 178 136 36 6
693 I understand. I felt the same way the first 100 years. 1.2692 0.03966 182 141 33 8
694 Sure I date older women. 1.2692 0.04116 182 143 29 10
695 I don't care that we're six feet under,I will build a fence here too. 1.2692 0.03888 182 140 35 7
696 Stop it, Mom. You're embarrassing me." 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
697 The vows clearly said TIL death do us part. 1.2682 0.03846 179 137 36 6
698 So if you're Death, am I supposed to be Taxes? 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
699 What, no St. Peter? 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
700 I'm an introvert. I told them I didn't want to be buried in the friendly section. 1.2682 0.04083 179 140 30 9
701 Here...I'm deathly allergic. 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
702 Will I have to hear about not noticing your weight loss forever? 1.2682 0.04083 179 140 30 9
703 One's a introverted, grumpy, flesh bag The other's a friendly, outgoing, bunch of bones! Coming to NBC this fall-THE ODD COUPLE 1.2682 0.04160 179 141 28 10
704 I've never dated older women, but hey, it's never too late, right? 1.2682 0.03593 179 134 42 3
705 Stop, stop, this is a R.I.P. zone!" 1.2682 0.04083 179 140 30 9
706 I told them, don't waste your money on a fancy suit! 1.2682 0.03846 179 137 36 6
707 Look on the bright side, bro. Never more tendinitis. 1.2682 0.03846 179 137 36 6
708 Does it look like I remember you? 1.2682 0.04160 179 141 28 10
709 I can't go anywhere without being recognized. 1.2682 0.04234 179 142 26 11
710 I need some time to grieve for myself. 1.2682 0.04083 179 140 30 9
711 Terrific. The Welcome Wagon. 1.2682 0.03846 179 137 36 6
712 Can you swipe left down here? 1.2682 0.04160 179 141 28 10
713 What part of depart don’t you understand? 1.2682 0.04083 179 140 30 9
714 I'm sorry but I just got out of a relationship. 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
715 "I always wanted to go into real estate. You? 1.2682 0.03927 179 138 34 7
716 On behalf of the welcoming committee, you're invited to Happy Hour at 5 p.m. 1.2682 0.04308 179 143 24 12
717 While annoyed by Susan’s flirtatious tactics, Ted couldn’t help but admire her determination to sell him life insurance. 1.2682 0.04308 179 143 24 12
718 When I asked for an open casket, I still thought it came with a lid? 1.2682 0.04160 179 141 28 10
719 Who's the 'bonehead' now, Frankie Boy! 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
720 No, Mr. Rogers, I WON'T be your neighbor! 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
721 Read the sign! 1.2682 0.04160 179 141 28 10
722 For the last time, I'm not interested in your book club! 1.2682 0.04308 179 143 24 12
723 Oh great. Buried alive again! 1.2679 0.04344 168 133 25 10
724 Ugh — should have gone with cremation. 1.2670 0.04127 176 138 29 9
725 The report of my death was an exaggeration. 1.2667 0.03986 180 140 32 8
726 Hi, nice to meet my replacement in the Trump administration! 1.2667 0.04429 180 146 20 14
727 I thought the press would leave me alone at this point! 1.2667 0.03986 180 140 32 8
728 Oh great!! They buried me next to a nudist. 1.2667 0.04063 180 141 30 9
729 . . . shoulda took the deal 1.2667 0.03745 180 137 38 5
730 That cut rate funeral home left off the lids. 1.2667 0.04358 180 145 22 13
731 I guess this must be a near life experience. 1.2667 0.03986 180 140 32 8
732 Hello Leonard. Yes, I remember you from sixth grade. 1.2667 0.04063 180 141 30 9
733 The view's not great, but it was the only studio in my price range. 1.2667 0.04063 180 141 30 9
734 Ugh. Even death involves networking? 1.2667 0.03986 180 140 32 8
735 This is the worst blind date ever. 1.2659 0.04251 173 137 26 10
736 I’ve made a terrible mistake. 1.2659 0.04329 173 138 24 11
737 Don't worry in a week you'll feel more grounded. 1.2655 0.04106 177 139 29 9
738 The real estate's cheap and the neighbors are quiet. 1.2655 0.04106 177 139 29 9
739 Good coffins make better neighbors. 1.2655 0.03864 177 136 35 6
740 Are we there yet? 1.2655 0.04106 177 139 29 9
741 Stop! You're killing me . . . 1.2655 0.04183 177 140 27 10
742 And now you want me! 1.2655 0.04106 177 139 29 9
743 Too soon? 1.2655 0.04027 177 138 31 8
744 So I says to him, I said 'I'll show you the greatest escape ever!' " 1.2644 0.04229 174 138 26 10
745 Wait, there's been a mistake. I paid for the room with a window and a view of the golf course. 1.2632 0.04356 171 137 23 11
746 Is it too late to be cremated? 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
747 This looked bigger on Dirtbnb. 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
748 This wasn't the view that was advertised. 1.2632 0.03853 171 131 35 5
749 Why me?" is the usual first stage of post-life syndrome 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
750 My third wish was I looked this good forever 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
751 Hey, hey! Put a lid on it! 1.2632 0.04511 171 139 19 13
752 Clearly you are too old for me 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
753 No, I don't need insurance, now. 1.2632 0.04434 171 138 21 12
754 I said better or worse...not forever! 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
755 Yo better smell them now because in awhile you won’t have a nose. 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
756 I’d wave back but I’m still in the rigor mortis stage. 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
757 Why didn't I read the prenup? 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
758 I thought this time-share presentation was only 90 minutes. 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
759 I feel overdressed! 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
760 Apparently getting off Facebook is much harder than I thought. 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
761 Why?Why? Why? They knew I hated this suit! 1.2632 0.03853 171 131 35 5
762 Hey Bob, can I have some skin? 1.2632 0.04434 171 138 21 12
763 So you're saying it's what's underneath that counts? 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
764 I should have read the fine print on that prepaid funeral expense 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
765 I turned the oven off. Now would you give it a rest? 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
766 Sigh! 'Rest in Peace' ,they said! 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
767 Will you please stop that rattling. I'm trying to settle in. 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
768 Hey! Over Here! I'm you in five years! 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
769 Well Margaret, at least you've lost weight. 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
770 Won't you be my neighbor? 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
771 I just can’t seem to get away from shallow people 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
772 Fake news! Witness my resurrection in 2020! 1.2632 0.04112 171 134 29 8
773 Hey! Did you pack any weed? 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
774 Hi neighbor! Just wanted to welcome you to forever. 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
775 So how the hell do I respond to that? "Hey babe, you've got beautiful bone structure!" Gimme a break. 1.2632 0.04434 171 138 21 12
776 Fake Obituary, am I right? 1.2632 0.03853 171 131 35 5
777 Proving once again, there is no peace for the wicked. 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
778 Please read my obituary: No flowers, please. 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
779 Now you lose weight! 1.2632 0.04434 171 138 21 12
780 The Craigslist ad clearly stated, "Cramped, dark room with NO roommates!" 1.2632 0.04434 171 138 21 12
781 Welcome to the second certainty in life. 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
782 I said I'm not accepting any more clients! 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
783 Stop waving at me. It just makes this worse. 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
784 I thought there'd be a heavenly host to greet me. 1.2632 0.04356 171 137 23 11
785 So then I said, "What do I have to do to get some rest around here?" 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
786 I'm dying to get some peace and quiet! 1.2629 0.04048 175 137 30 8
787 Nobody mentioned an adjoining casket. 1.2629 0.04048 175 137 30 8
788 I ate the Trump steaks, drank the Trump water, graduated from you-know-where...then got hit by a bus! 1.2619 0.04242 168 133 26 9
789 How many phalanges am I holding up? 1.2619 0.04157 168 132 28 8
790 Face it Emily, our marriage is still dead. 1.2590 0.03909 166 128 33 5
791 Please stop quoting 'Our Town.' 1.2590 0.04002 166 129 31 6
792 Sorry I’m late. Remission lasted longer than expected. 1.2590 0.03909 166 128 33 5
793 Rodney, you're still slaying them after all these years. 1.2590 0.04180 166 131 27 8
794 Hey newbie, wanna come over and watch the grass grow from below with me? 1.2590 0.04180 166 131 27 8
795 But we made a deal! 'Til death do us part! 1.2588 0.04028 170 133 30 7
796 Why did I have to be all-dressed-up for this? 1.2588 0.04113 170 134 28 8
797 I thought we agreed until death do us part! 1.2588 0.03851 170 131 34 5
798 Yes, still a magician. No, no—still just visiting. 1.2588 0.04439 170 138 20 12
799 Damn it, Bill. Put on some clothes! 1.2588 0.04279 170 136 24 10
800 Okay, I'll friend you if you'll just let me rest in peace. 1.2581 0.04374 155 123 24 8
801 Oh my God! I have to call you back, my ex-boyfriend just moved in literally next door. 1.2581 0.04562 155 125 20 10
802 In fact no, I don't want to hear another haunting melody. 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
803 Why the hell didn’t I opt for cremation? 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
804 Is there Wifi down here? 1.2575 0.04070 167 131 29 7
805 Unbelievable! This is it?? 1.2575 0.04328 167 134 23 10
806 Oh great. Now I get some respect! 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
807 Look, I don’t want seem picky but your Tinder ad said ‘slim female’ looking for well- dressed male. Really? 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
808 At least give me time to decompose before asking me on a date 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
809 Ma! Enough about my tie...I didn’t really have a CHOICE! 1.2575 0.03889 167 129 33 5
810 Hey buddy, wanna start an underground band?" 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
811 So I tell her 'if you hate me so much then why don't you just go ahead and kill me?'" 1.2575 0.04070 167 131 29 7
812 I hear you knocking , but you can't come in. 1.2573 0.04007 171 134 30 7
813 I see you are new here. Can I lend you a hand? 1.2573 0.03920 171 133 32 6
814 A monumentally successful program of morning-latte-arsenic-lacing followed by 17 years of accusations.... and they still bury me next to her??!! 1.2573 0.03920 171 133 32 6
815 So why does everyone have to bring flowers? Pizza would be good some time. 1.2573 0.04007 171 134 30 7
816 I should have made an ash of myself. 1.2573 0.04175 171 136 26 9
817 Did you pick door number 2? 1.2564 0.04155 156 122 28 6
818 Hey, check my will again—CREMATION! 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
819 Yes, I remember you, and no, I don't want to hear how a life insurance policy may be right for me." 1.2561 0.04292 164 131 24 9
820 What? All I said was, ‘Hey, Mr. Putin, how’s the weather down there?’ 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
821 Coulda sworn I left them all in the closet! 1.2561 0.04114 164 129 28 7
822 All because I mumbled 'till death do us part' ... 1.2561 0.03928 164 127 32 5
823 Hi there. I'm Bones, your Airbnb super host 1.2561 0.04114 164 129 28 7
824 I told my wife I just wanted to get away for the weekend. She said, "Wait, I have a better idea." 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
825 I always get seated next to the talkative guy. 1.2561 0.04022 164 128 30 6
826 Just let me rest in peace! 1.2561 0.04022 164 128 30 6
827 Should I expect this enthusiasm every morning for eternity? 1.2561 0.04114 164 129 28 7
828 Hey new guy! What part of Rest In Peace don’t you understand? 1.2561 0.04292 164 131 24 9
829 Still better than flying coach, amirite? 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
830 Leave me alone! Look, I don't have any change! 1.2560 0.04049 168 132 29 7
831 Look, what part of ‘til death do us part’ do you not understand?” 1.2560 0.03869 168 130 33 5
832 What about “rest in peace” don’t you understand? 1.2560 0.04049 168 132 29 7
833 Excuse me but exactly what is it about 'RIP' that you don't get?" 1.2560 0.04387 168 136 21 11
834 All right, all right! I'll read The Watchtower. 1.2560 0.04049 168 132 29 7
835 What part of “ ‘til death com us part” don’t you understand? 1.2560 0.03960 168 131 31 6
836 It beats a 7-floor walk-up 1.2560 0.04049 168 132 29 7
837 So this is what Trump meant about getting me a job "in the deep state" 1.2560 0.04387 168 136 21 11
838 I specifically requested sleeping with the fishes! 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
839 Hi! My name is Fred. What is your name? I was a salesman. What did you do? We are going to have so much fun. I have wated a long time for a friend. Did you have friends? I necver had friends. Eternity here we come! We are now a wolfpack! ............ 1.2560 0.04136 168 133 27 8
840 I was expecting more than just a 'rose garden'. 1.2560 0.04305 168 135 23 10
841 Hey, I remember you from the Poconos in '68! Say something funny! 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
842 Worst stalker I've ever had. 1.2560 0.03869 168 130 33 5
843 Welcome to the Six Feet Under Club! 1.2560 0.04136 168 133 27 8
844 Oh, you’re still on hold too? 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
845 Exactly how long have you been waiting for Mr. Right? 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
846 The first 50 years are always the hardest 1.2560 0.04305 168 135 23 10
847 Did they find Hillary's missing servers yet? 1.2560 0.04305 168 135 23 10
848 For godssakes, Hilda, didn't you look at the inscriptions? 'In PEACE! In PEACE!' 1.2560 0.03960 168 131 31 6
849 I wonder if it's too late for an upgrade. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
850 I just feel it’s too early for me. 1.2545 0.04001 165 129 30 6
851 I donno, the last thing I remember, I ordered a salad at the drive through. 1.2545 0.03907 165 128 32 5
852 So this is my punishment for ghosting you all those years ago? 1.2545 0.04269 165 132 24 9
853 It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood, A beautiful day for a neighbor, Would you be mine? 1.2545 0.04001 165 129 30 6
854 Is it too late to rethink cremation? 1.2545 0.04181 165 131 26 8
855 When you're Ed Sullivan, you never age! 1.2545 0.03907 165 128 32 5
856 No Jimmy, I'm still not going to call on you. 1.2545 0.04001 165 129 30 6
857 You should have gone commando like I did. 1.2532 0.04109 158 124 28 6
858 Down here Welcome Wagon operates with a skeleton crew.” Jim Hein, Pittsburgh, Pa. 1.2531 0.04406 162 131 21 10
859 'Your Airbnb profile suggested that this place was on the subway' 1.2531 0.04406 162 131 21 10
860 Bone jour mes zombi.... 1.2531 0.04318 162 130 23 9
861 I thought the deal was Till Death Do Us Part? 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
862 Of course I’m still sorry. By the way, she left me a week after the funeral. 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
863 That's why I wanted to be cremated 1.2531 0.04406 162 131 21 10
864 All I said to her was equal pay is a crock. 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
865 Quit your complaining......Here, you can have MY flowers. 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
866 They couldn't spring for a lid?! 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
867 Allan, Allan, what happened at the last board meeting!! 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
868 Nobody knew that healthcare could be so complicated. 1.2531 0.04228 162 129 25 8
869 I refuse to play 'Keeping up with the Boneses'" 1.2531 0.04136 162 128 27 7
870 Seriously, what fresh hell is this?! 1.2531 0.04136 162 128 27 7
871 This looked a lot better in the listing 1.2531 0.04136 162 128 27 7
872 Whose idea was family plots? 1.2531 0.04136 162 128 27 7
873 I’ve heard of “getting buried alive in an open coffin next to a waving skeleton you can’t see because there’s dirt separating your grave plots,” but this is ridiculous! 1.2516 0.04368 159 128 22 9
874 I know we said we'd put this one to rest, but I still think there is reasonable doubt that a tomato is a fruit. And don't get me started on Pluto... 1.2516 0.04182 159 126 26 7
875 There's no stand-up here, bud. Just lay down, relax and rot. 1.2515 0.04114 163 129 27 7
876 Still complaining 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
877 Like I brought a condom with me? 1.2515 0.04294 163 131 23 9
878 Honey, do you remember when we pushed our mattresses together 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
879 No thanks, I'm just passing through 1.2515 0.04114 163 129 27 7
880 Welcome to our community!! I'm Harry and you and I are going to be neighbors from here to eternity. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
881 But, my lawyer said it was only "til death do us part!" 1.2515 0.03828 163 126 33 4
882 I already told you I hate charades. 1.2515 0.04114 163 129 27 7
883 Ma, please – I just got here. Give me time to decompose a little! 1.2515 0.03925 163 127 31 5
884 No, I am not grateful; yes, I am dead. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
885 How many times do I have to tell you I don't want any insurance! 1.2515 0.04467 163 133 19 11
886 Finally, I'm on the Ed Sullivan Show! 1.2515 0.03925 163 127 31 5
887 Our vows said Til Death Do We Part . Why are you still nagging me? 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
888 The price was right, but I should have listened to the Airbnb reviews about the over-friendly host. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
889 This is what I get for falling in love with a gravedigger. 1.2515 0.04114 163 129 27 7
890 It's never too late to say you're sorry. 1.2515 0.04021 163 128 29 6
891 I told you I was sick!! 1.2515 0.04294 163 131 23 9
892 Is it asking too much to just rest in peace?: 1.2515 0.04021 163 128 29 6
893 Leave me alone, what do you think RIP means? 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
894 How do I know you're my father? 1.2515 0.04381 163 132 21 10
895 I’m dead serious but I think I just got more Formalin than necessary! 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
896 Steve, it was a Witch Hunt, I did not collude. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
897 No, I don’t have any Grey Poupon! 1.2515 0.03925 163 127 31 5
898 New here, huh? 1.2515 0.04021 163 128 29 6
899 Does it look like I have a vase? 1.2515 0.04114 163 129 27 7
900 I’ve been dying to meet you! 1.2500 0.04326 156 125 23 8
901 Do you love me for myself, or for my body? 1.2500 0.03762 160 123 34 3
902 No, we haven't met before; I just have one of those corpses. 1.2484 0.04229 161 129 24 8
903 I'm feeling so awkward . . . . Nobody told me to come au natural! 1.2484 0.04301 157 126 23 8
904 I beat Hillary. 1.2484 0.04377 153 123 22 8
905 Hey dude, what did you do to deserve being buried alive?” “Um they said I shouldn’t have helped Trump become president. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
906 You got buried next to the tree of life too? 1.2468 0.04277 158 127 23 8
907 And I thought my last neighbor was annoying... 1.2468 0.03984 158 124 29 5
908 They told me I was going undercover 1.2468 0.04084 158 125 27 6
909 Keep waving at the staff all you want, pal. The service in this place is lousy. 1.2468 0.04370 158 128 21 9
910 Hey, hey, hey. Complaints go in the box over there. 1.2468 0.04551 158 130 17 11
911 You’re new here aren’t you? 1.2468 0.04182 158 126 25 7
912 I get it, I get it, 'this too shall pass'. 1.2468 0.03882 158 123 31 4
913 Been here long? 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
914 You've obviously been here longer. 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
915 Are you serious? I asked to be cremated! 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
916 Sure Carol, you look thin but are you really going to call it the Green-Wood Diet? 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
917 Hey! Show some spine! 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
918 I can't get any peace in here. 1.2468 0.04352 154 124 22 8
919 Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare the life out of you. 1.2468 0.04152 154 122 26 6
920 I heard you the first time, but can you just give the “knock-knock” jokes a rest? 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
921 Decomposition I get, but why are you naked? 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
922 Hey, newbie! It's Rest In Peace, not Rant In Perpetuity! 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
923 What's the rush? 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
924 I had to get buried next to this bonehead! 1.2468 0.04352 154 124 22 8
925 What can I say, I didn't eat organic 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
926 Rest in peace my ass! 1.2468 0.04152 154 122 26 6
927 Just because I said : “The Only Way I’d Marry you is Six feet under” 1.2468 0.04152 154 122 26 6
928 Mind if I borrow your jacket as a cushion? The casket's digging into my ilium. 1.2468 0.04049 154 121 28 5
929 Stick with me Newbie, I know where all the bodies are buried! 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
930 You stuck me next to him for the all eternity?! 1.2468 0.04049 154 121 28 5
931 Skeletinder, the app for underground dating. Just unload your vitals and wait... forever. 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
932 How can I possibly rest in peace with Donald Trump still in the White House? 1.2468 0.04543 154 126 18 10
933 Wait a minute. Are you trans-skeletal? 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
934 Enough!! Forget about the friggin’ emails! 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
935 So...after a huge funeral, beautiful eulogy, lots of people mourning me, now what? Now what? Somebody please...now what? 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
936 Yes, yes, I know you were gluten-free. SEE where it's gotten you? 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
937 I get it, I died a month ago. But, I'd still rather face Death in the eye than continue to watch Trump's antics! 1.2468 0.04049 154 121 28 5
938 Down here age is just a number 1.2468 0.04352 154 124 22 8
939 Had a suit that looked just like that. And hopes & dreams and a shiny new pair of wingtips. 1.2466 0.04188 146 115 26 5
940 I told you for the last time, you're too old for me! 1.2450 0.04092 151 119 27 5
941 Hey, buddy, that r.i.p. DOESN'T mean “renegotiate in perpetuity.” Now shut up! 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
942 Best if I just lay here and play dead. 1.2431 0.04093 144 113 27 4
943 I really don't care, do you? 1.2418 0.04450 153 125 19 9
944 Nah, once your flesh is gone it’s actually pretty roomy. 1.2418 0.04252 153 123 23 7
945 Martha, how long has it been? Have you lost weight? 1.2418 0.04150 153 122 25 6
946 But they said, " 'Till death do us part?!" 1.2418 0.03595 153 117 35 1
947 Apparently, someone is not resting in peace. 1.2418 0.03937 153 120 29 4
948 Now I can't even REST in PEACE! 1.2418 0.04045 153 121 27 5
949 Look, Yorick, I'm just not in the mood, okay? 1.2418 0.04150 153 122 25 6
950 Finally! I've been dying for a neighbor! 1.2418 0.04045 153 121 27 5
951 Sorry if you thought this was gonna be all pearly gates and harp music roomie! 1.2418 0.04150 153 122 25 6
952 Did I overdress? 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
953 I've always been composed, so I'm taking my time. 1.2418 0.03937 153 120 29 4
954 Of course, I can't rest - they called me Trickie? What do they call this bozo? And what the hell is fake news? 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
955 You just don't understand the meaning of the term "Ghosting", do you? 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
956 Don’t worry, I fell for the guaranteed weight loss thing too. 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
957 During life I find out that Santa doesn't exist, now I die and I find out that "til death do us part" was a lie! 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
958 I don't know! All I did is use Trump and Treason in the same sentence??? 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
959 I was helping my son with new math when my head exploded. 1.2416 0.04532 149 122 18 9
960 My last neighbor was a real stiff. 1.2416 0.04222 149 119 24 6
961 OK, OK, yes I was "Loves2Love" on OKCupid. 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
962 Grateful. You? 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
963 Think of it as nature's way of telling us to slow down. 1.2416 0.03886 149 116 30 3
964 You waited! 1.2416 0.04222 149 119 24 6
965 Arthur finally realized he didn't actually have the skeleton in the closet. 1.2416 0.04823 149 125 12 12
966 I give up. What rhymes with "Just Married"? 1.2411 0.04490 141 114 20 7
967 But I only said maybe the Russians did it... 1.2400 0.04302 150 121 22 7
968 Hey boss, welcome to the real underworld. 1.2400 0.04505 150 123 18 9
969 Hey! I told them NO on the single and mingle cemetery. 1.2400 0.04089 150 119 26 5
970 You don't have to remind me. I forgot to give her flowers on our anniversary! 1.2400 0.04405 150 122 20 8
971 You were scarier when you were alive. 1.2400 0.04505 150 123 18 9
972 All I said was, 'Why don't you try telling the truth?' 1.2400 0.04505 150 123 18 9
973 Even in death, Harry could not escape his noisy neighbors. 1.2400 0.04405 150 122 20 8
974 No, I don't remember when you used to change my diapers. 1.2400 0.04089 150 119 26 5
975 ...as I was saying,... 1.2400 0.04302 150 121 22 7
976 Look, I just want to rest in peace. Is that too much to ask? 1.2400 0.04197 150 120 24 6
977 Yes, you lost the 50 pounds, but you're still not attractive 1.2400 0.03978 150 118 28 4
978 At this stage, I would rather not deflower you. 1.2400 0.04405 150 122 20 8
979 But just to say it one time again - and I say it all the time - there was no collusion! 1.2400 0.04505 150 123 18 9
980 Can you explain the term versus whole life option again? 1.2397 0.04271 146 117 23 6
981 Thanks, you've been a great audience. I'll be here all eternity. 1.2381 0.04663 147 122 15 10
982 Freaking first power nap ever! 1.2381 0.04133 147 117 25 5
983 Oh, now you finally respond to me. 1.2366 0.04446 131 105 21 5
984 WHY AM I ALL DRESSED UP 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
985 I hate family reunions. 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
986 Bob, we don't need to talk about work anymore - we're dead. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
987 Hey, fresh meat... Wanna bone? 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
988 Come on, look at her. Hair, skin - she's out of your league. 1.2365 0.04108 148 118 25 5
989 I’m sure you’re really nice but I just got here and I’m not really ready for a relationship yet. 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
990 Relax buddy. It could be worse. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
991 You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your neighbors. 1.2365 0.03878 148 116 29 3
992 I prefer thinking outside the box. 1.2365 0.04431 148 121 19 8
993 OMG....I’m buried next to Ed Sullivan. Hey, Ed. Lookin’ good. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
994 Yo, dude! What part of ‘rest in peace’ do you not understand? 1.2365 0.04326 148 120 21 7
995 I like a man with a little meat on his bones. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
996 Honey I'm home - traffic was murder! 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
997 All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. 1.2361 0.03940 144 113 28 3
998 Ok, fine. I agree you do seem to have senority here. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
999 Okay Marley, I get it. Let’s go get the turkey. 1.2361 0.04406 144 117 20 7
1000 No, I don't have a smoke. And no, I don't want to join your neighborhood association. 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
1001 That’s sweet Susan, but I’m having a lot of trouble with all of this. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
1002 Hey, newbie. I’m Alex. We’re going to be neighbors for eternity. Isn’t that great? Do you like yacht rock? Tuesdays are taco night. I’m a pescatarian. I see you got the lid off by yourself. I don’t know why they buried me naked. I love cribbage... 1.2361 0.04621 144 119 16 9
1003 Not so soon pal, it's the same dream I have before my MRI! 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1004 Is this Heaven or Hell??? 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
1005 Arguing about politics is what killed me, so please shut up! 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1006 I'm not nearly as happy to see you as you are to see me. 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1007 OK, I see you lost a lot of weight. You don't have to gloat. 1.2361 0.03815 144 112 30 2
1008 Mandy, no. I'm still your cousin. 1.2361 0.04725 144 120 14 10
1009 It’s getting creepy, Gladys.” 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1010 I told you - I’m not into older women. 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1011 Sorry, but should I know you? 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
1012 Bad neighbors make good fertilizer. 1.2361 0.04621 144 119 16 9
1013 Seriously? $2500 a month for this Williamsburg apartment? 1.2361 0.04515 144 118 18 8
1014 Is this how you push up daisies?" "Try one arm, like this" 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1015 Nag, nag, nag. So I spent a little extra on the suit; it’s not going to kill you. 1.2361 0.04406 144 117 20 7
1016 I’m driving, your breaking up. Hang on some idiot in the next lane over is frantically waving at me. Hey what is that a refrigerator? 1.2361 0.04406 144 117 20 7
1017 Yeah, I get it. This is the only diet plan that actually works. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
1018 What do you mean there are no billable hours in the afterlife? 1.2361 0.04406 144 117 20 7
1019 I gotta tell ya, I'm not sure if I can live with this whole being dead thing. 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1020 Try before you buy, they said. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
1021 You're talking in your sleep again 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
1022 I knew that donut was a bad idea. 1.2361 0.04406 144 117 20 7
1023 I'm turning over! 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
1024 Tell me!! Who won the 2015 Super Bowl? 1.2361 0.04406 144 117 20 7
1025 Don't try and make me the bad guy for eating right. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
1026 All I said was she has a nice rack. 1.2349 0.04300 149 121 21 7
1027 No, thanks, I'm all flowered up, but how long before the wool suit stops itching? 1.2349 0.04300 149 121 21 7
1028 Here to stay, or just dropping by? 1.2349 0.04084 149 119 25 5
1029 How did I get stuck with a morning person? 1.2349 0.04193 149 120 23 6
1030 No worries, you'll shrink into it. 1.2345 0.04592 145 120 16 9
1031 Here. I’m done with these. Oh, and take your time. 1.2345 0.04486 145 119 18 8
1032 Just my luck, stuck next to a genial extrovert till the end of time. 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1033 Welcome! Don’t worry, the dress code relaxes for all of us after awhile. 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1034 Come here often? What was your "Major"? 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1035 Oy, I came here to get away from this guy. 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1036 I decompose slowly ...Many corpses find that sexy. 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1037 You've gotta be kidding me. Where's my smart phone? And where's the lid to this damn coffin!? 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1038 Flowers won’t do it. I’v Got a bone to pick with you. 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1039 The report of my death was highly exaggerated. 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1040 I was told I'd rest in peace? 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1041 So this is social networking in the afterlife?! 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1042 I'd like to add you to my professional network on ExtinctIn! 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1043 Hello, I've been dying to meet you! 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1044 Just because you're next to the tree, it doesn't mean she loved you more. 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1045 What can I say? I asked to be buried next to her. 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1046 Well this is awkward... I’m not wearing any clothes. 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1047 I sold Facebook at $19. I sold Facebook at $19. I sold Facebook at $19. I ... 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1048 Try it for free they said. 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1049 Until death do you part ,my ass. 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
1050 It's clothing-optional? 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1051 Great. Another annoying character in my plot line. 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1052 Too soon! .., I’m not even decomposed yet! 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
1053 Would you just let me rest in peace? 1.2324 0.03827 142 111 29 2
1054 Coming or going? 1.2324 0.04318 142 115 21 6
1055 Does Resting In Peace cost extra?! 1.2324 0.04432 142 116 19 7
1056 Thanks! How did you know that today I would have been 163. 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
1057 Don't worry. It's cramped, but it's rent controlled. 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1058 Yeah, I see you finally lost the weight but now you look anorexic. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1059 'It's New York... You're not supposed to know your neighbors...' 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1060 Seems like I just know every body 1.2308 0.04514 143 118 17 8
1061 I just thought there'd be privacy down here at least. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1062 Son, son it's me! 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1063 Long time no see! 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1064 Who gave this place such a good Yelp review? 1.2308 0.04514 143 118 17 8
1065 If you say “this rattles my bones” one more time... 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1066 Great! I've been stuck in the clothing optional area. 1.2308 0.04622 143 119 15 9
1067 Oh, hey. I didn't recognize you. You've lost so much weight... and muscle... and skin... 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1068 'Till death do us part' applies to both our deaths, Harold! 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1069 Mom! Get out of my room! 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1070 'Talk about a neighbour from Hell!' 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1071 Hey there! How'd life treat you? 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1072 Oh crap, my tomb-mate’s an extrovert. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1073 So they lied - there's no dress code. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1074 Like I told the last guy, leave me alone or I have a right to stand my ground. 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1075 What the hell is SHE doing here? 1.2308 0.04055 143 114 25 4
1076 I thought he said 'till death do us part'? 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1077 Could we please just leave it at ‘till death do us part’? 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1078 Thanks, but my allergies have been killing me. 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1079 No, I don't want to hear about your great, great, great, great, great-grandchildren. 1.2308 0.04622 143 119 15 9
1080 At last. I'm ready to come out of the closet. 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1081 Say what you will. That anti-aging cream still works! 1.2308 0.04514 143 118 17 8
1082 I hope you don’t feel I’m too fresh! 1.2308 0.04055 143 114 25 4
1083 I HATE BLIND DATES. 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1084 You'll enjoy this neighborhood. It's quiet. 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1085 Ahh, the one time I'm buried without my headphones! 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1086 Hi there, I'm not waving, just encouraging the worms to go your way 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1087 Ma! Yes, you were right. Everybody knows I had clean underwear on. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1088 Hi im chris hansen with dateline nbc 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1089 Just because we're neighbors doesn't mean we're friends. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1090 You"ll eventually get to the bare bones of it all 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1091 I thought my accountant said I'd be buried in debt, not buried in dirt. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1092 Styx and stones may break my bones but Trump can never hurt me..... 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1093 Didn’t we have a ‘till-death-do-we-part’ agreement? 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1094 I just got out of a relationship, so I'm not looking to jump back into anything. 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1095 You wanted a tombstone AND a coffin lid? Where do you think you are,The Ritz? 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1096 I’m trying to rest in peace over here! I got all eternity to hear your life story! 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1097 Hi! I’m the welcome wagon. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1098 Ed knew if he made eye contact, this guy would be talking to him forever. 1.2308 0.04514 143 118 17 8
1099 At least someone loves you down here, Donald! 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1100 Bones, is that you? 1.2308 0.04622 143 119 15 9
1101 Sorry, I’m not interested in anyone over 30 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1102 How could this happen to me? Don't they know who I am! 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1103 I can't think outside the box! 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1104 You'll fit better once you're skeletonized 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1105 And bone spurs got you out, too? 1.2308 0.04514 143 118 17 8
1106 What do you mean, until death do us part? 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1107 Jesus-effing-Christ...give a guy a chance to decompose. 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1108 Rest in pieces? 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1109 I have some bones to pick. 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1110 Fake news! Rumours of my death are being greatly exaggerated! 1.2302 0.04602 139 115 16 8
1111 For this I wasted a good suit ! 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
1112 Wait, I'm not breaking down because I'm a composer, is that what you're saying? 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1113 Unlike the world above, we pay it forward down here. Welcome. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1114 Unfriend me. Please! 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
1115 Clatter, Clatter, Clatter. . . Is that all you have to say? 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1116 New guy! It's over! Put a lid on it! 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1117 You"re it 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1118 Here lies Billy Johnson, he was buried next to his ex-"clingy" girlfriend. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1119 I still have my own teeth too, I'm lookin' on the bright side. 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
1120 It’s killing me: I can’t remember if I closed the gas oven before I left the house. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1121 Look buddy, down here nobody cares about the president. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1122 What part of 'R.I.P.' don't you understand? 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
1123 My eyes may be decomposed but I think you look beautiful tonight. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1124 This is why I hate the middle plot. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1125 No, mom, I don't remember Cindy Curran from the 3rd grade. 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1126 Think outside the box, they said. Look where that got me. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1127 I'm still waiting for the white light. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1128 What can I say?! You're dead to me! 1.2302 0.04602 139 115 16 8
1129 Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda......you newbies are all alike ! 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
1130 Welcome Wagon 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
1131 Next time you should get embalmed! 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1132 Bob hadn’t realised life after death was a thing! 1.2296 0.04328 135 109 21 5
1133 Is that all there is? 1.2290 0.04136 131 104 24 3
1134 Hey, I worked myself to death so don't be calling me lazy-bones! 1.2290 0.04275 131 105 22 4
1135 Welcome to Schadenfreude! 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1136 Hey newby, let's see dem bones! 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1137 THEY TOLD ME I WAS GOING TO HELL! 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1138 I should've been more concerned it was a Jehovah's Witness cemetery. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1139 I wouldn't keep complaining about being buried alive if you still looked like you did in your profile. 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1140 For the love of God Mr Fitzwaller, I am no longer seeing you for psychiatric counseling. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1141 Look- I'm sorry I didn't call you back. But now we have all the time in the world to catch up. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1142 When you die, the skeleton in your closet dies with you 1.2286 0.04572 140 116 16 8
1143 Here in New York it means Rent Is Prohibitive. 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1144 I knew I shouldn't have listened to Siri. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1145 "Hey sailor, new in town?" 1.2286 0.04222 140 113 22 5
1146 Stop it! Jazz hands creep me out. 1.2286 0.03971 140 111 26 3
1147 I don't date older corpses. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1148 Nope. I didn't bring a vase. 1.2286 0.04572 140 116 16 8
1149 For crying out loud, there’s not even room to roll over, let alone resting in peace! 1.2286 0.04222 140 113 22 5
1150 Trump's Medicare did this to me." "You'll get used to it; I've been here since Nero. 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1151 More like, 'rest in pieces'. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1152 Is that a welcome or a farewell? 1.2286 0.04222 140 113 22 5
1153 Morris, your instructions were, "do not resuscitate " 1.2286 0.04572 140 116 16 8
1154 We’ve done the til death do us part thing—I want an exhumation. 1.2286 0.04683 140 117 14 9
1155 This better not be heaven. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1156 Hey! Yeah, over here, can you keep it down? You could wake the dead! 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1157 No thanks. I'm allergic. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1158 No one was listening then and no one is listening now. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1159 Hey Honey, I told you I'd wait. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1160 'What could go wrong?' Right? 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1161 Well, hell - so much for purgatory. 1.2286 0.03839 140 110 28 2
1162 What part of RIP do you not understand? 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1163 Well, yeah, I saw your tombstone, but I thought it might be a different Ned Ryerson. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
1164 No, I don't want to be your friend on Deadbook! 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
1165 I dont know, I just got here. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
1166 Still, I get no respect! 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1167 Men's warehouse 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1168 Why did I agree to work with a skeleton staff? 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1169 What the hell is going on up there? 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1170 It's polyester. Never wrinkles either 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1171 The Curse of the Undead Mansplainer. 1.2246 0.03986 138 110 25 3
1172 You're going to have to do better than flowers to jump my bones 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1173 Hey man! Just remember that good coffins make good neighbors. And we'll get along fine. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1174 I said I'd be your friend if its the last thing I do! 1.2246 0.03986 138 110 25 3
1175 Look... I just got here and I'm not ready for that kind of intimacy. Plus you're old enough to be my Great-Great-Great Grandmother 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1176 How am I supposed to know how many fingers you're holding up? 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1177 I was sure they'd make an exception this time. 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1178 At least you were spared the autopsy 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1179 If I'd known about the preservatives, I wouldn't have eaten all that McDonald's. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1180 Welcome and congratulations, this is a very exclusive cemetery, people are just DYING to get in... too soon? 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1181 Hey, lady, I'm just not into older women. 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1182 I was counting on death parting us. 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1183 I'm killing them down here. Did you here the one about...? 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1184 I told you that suit was to die for. 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1185 I tell my kids, 'I wish I could see your mother once more'. So they bury me alive. I don't get no respect! 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1186 I told you- good drainage and no piranha! 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1187 Can't talk now. I'm underground. 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1188 He knows I'm not dead, right? 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1189 Hey Does anybody else think these rooms smell musty? 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1190 For gods sake, Morris. Enough about your crooked accountant! 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1191 Don't blame me, I didn't vote for him. 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1192 I did not cancel "Six Feet Under"................ 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1193 Honey, please, it’s until death do us part! 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1194 The family plot, no getting away from Mom. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1195 Okay, now what? 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1196 Feel the city shakin and everybody’s quakin’ and we’re stayin’ alive! Staying alive! Ah! Ah! Ah’ Ah! Staying aliiiive! 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1197 Ugh. Not you! 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1198 How did Becky from office supplies get into the supervisor graveyard? It's like I worked all those years for nothing. 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1199 She said close your eyes and make a wish. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1200 Now stop singing "You don't send me flowers anymore!" 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1201 Hi! Nice suit. You must be new here. 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1202 I see dead people. 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1203 I know, I know. In sickness and in health! 1.2246 0.03986 138 110 25 3
1204 Please, Mom, I'm gonna die of embarassment! 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1205 Hi there John, you never replied to my email. 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1206 How am I supposed to rest in peace down here?!? 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
1207 Sure..you CLAIM you're a blonde! 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1208 Oh, great! Eternity with an Amway guy! 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1209 Well, sorry! How could I have known Trump was a liar? 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1210 Hopefully check in is faster than check out. 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
1211 Trump pleases most Americans as he pulls ahead in his race to hell. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1212 You're a little stiff and formal now . . . even cold. That's fine. I've got an eternity. 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1213 Hi! I'm Louis, your eternal neighbor! 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1214 Can you accept love from a gender-neutral skeleton, you hunk?! 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1215 At least it’s roomier than my apartment. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1216 I can overlook a lot . . .but plastic flowers? 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
1217 Ask about our carbon recycling plan! 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1218 Danced on the wrong grave, pal 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1219 The room is small, but rent is dirt cheap! 1.2239 0.04449 134 110 18 6
1220 Really? NOW? 1.2239 0.03913 134 106 26 2
1221 I'm so over this dead-end job. 1.2239 0.03913 134 106 26 2
1222 So you saved on the co-pay; big deal. 1.2239 0.04449 134 110 18 6
1223 Don't even go there, Vladimir. Our bromance was over after the midterm elections. 1.2239 0.04574 134 111 16 7
1224 Another noisy neighbor! - and loud enough to wake the dead. 1.2239 0.04574 134 111 16 7
1225 Welcome to the underground! 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1226 Yes, honey. I can tell you’ve lost weight. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1227 Why they put me in the nudist section?” 1.2239 0.04574 134 111 16 7
1228 Sometimes deleting Tinder off your phone isn't sufficient. 1.2239 0.04190 134 108 22 4
1229 And I thought being alive was tough... 1.2239 0.04190 134 108 22 4
1230 Neglecting to clean out that closet is going to haunt me. 1.2239 0.04813 134 113 12 9
1231 Sorry, I don't smoke 1.2239 0.04449 134 110 18 6
1232 This is not the cruise I booked! 1.2239 0.03913 134 106 26 2
1233 Hi, Jimmy. It's Dad. I was worried that you might not recognize me after all these years. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1234 Can a body rest in peace or what? 1.2239 0.04190 134 108 22 4
1235 Keeping up with the Boneses 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1236 Who knew we had to pay for extra leg room? 1.2239 0.04190 134 108 22 4
1237 Can I get a little 'R.I.P. and Quiet' here? 1.2239 0.04054 134 107 24 3
1238 So I'm new to the neighborhood... 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1239 Hi, they call me Rip 1.2239 0.04574 134 111 16 7
1240 Surprisingly I'm not dying to meet you! 1.2239 0.04190 134 108 22 4
1241 Honey, just give me a minute to decompose. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1242 Dead Sullivan 1.2231 0.04619 121 99 17 5
1243 Near death experience 1.2230 0.04215 139 113 21 5
1244 Okay, we can do dinner. Your coffin or mine? 1.2230 0.04215 139 113 21 5
1245 Leave me alone, honey! Our vows said 'til death. 1.2230 0.04215 139 113 21 5
1246 Thought Bubble . . . "It was so peaceful after she died." 1.2230 0.04215 139 113 21 5
1247 What? You get me dressed up with nowhere to go! 1.2230 0.04337 139 114 19 6
1248 I'm sorry, but our time is up Let's pick up on this next week 1.2230 0.04337 139 114 19 6
1249 Till death do us part" means just that 1.2230 0.03826 139 110 27 2
1250 Quit calling me "Lazy Bones!" 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1251 Listen! I'm just here for a rest. Nothing permanent. 1.2230 0.04337 139 114 19 6
1252 Thought I finally found my safe space. Then my ex-wife shows up. 1.2230 0.03960 139 111 25 3
1253 This is getting old. 1.2230 0.04337 139 114 19 6
1254 Well, at least its rent-controlled. 1.2230 0.04337 139 114 19 6
1255 I’m the healthiest man you’ll ever meet, trust me 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1256 My obit notice distinctly said no flowers! 1.2230 0.04794 139 118 11 10
1257 I thought I left all of my skeletons in the closet!!!! 1.2230 0.04337 139 114 19 6
1258 Alright! I heard you! Her emails 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1259 Anybody think my speeches run too long? 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1260 Why are you asking me,I just got here! 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1261 ‘Till death do us part’ was unfortunately not the case for Betty. 1.2222 0.04780 135 114 12 9
1262 As my financial advisor, I trusted you! 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
1263 You're here to decompose, not decompress. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
1264 What did you mean when you told me you couldn't go on living without me? 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1265 I wasn't snoring so they thought I was dead! Can anyone hear me? 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
1266 As my decorator used to say, flowers enliven any dead spaces. 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
1267 I'll never get rid of the IRS!!! 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1268 Heigh ho, big fella. Come here often? 1.2197 0.04602 132 110 15 7
1269 Don't they have a dress code? 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
1270 Swipe left 1.2197 0.04602 132 110 15 7
1271 I was told to dress for the after life. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1272 It's not you, it's me. I donated my heart for a transplant. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1273 Sorry I already gave someone my heart. That's why I'm here! 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1274 Welcome to the neighborhood. It may take some time for you to fit in. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1275 Rest in Peace? I don't think so. 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
1276 Oh well, finding love late is better than never. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1277 Hi, my names Adolf, I've been waiting for you to arrive 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1278 You'll feel better once you get that suit off. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1279 Hey, Newbie! Keep it down in there! The dead tell no tales! 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1280 My slow metabolism is a curse, I tell ya. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1281 Just when I thought I'd FINALLY get some peace. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1282 Does it ever end. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1283 Can’t a guy get some peace down here? 1.2197 0.03924 132 105 25 2
1284 I kind of just got here and you’re regifting me with my own flowers? 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1285 If this were a joke it would be too soon! 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1286 No collusion! 1.2197 0.04602 132 110 15 7
1287 No Gloria! Too little; too late. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1288 Been waiting long? 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1289 Arrghhh! I thought our marriage was until "death do us part"? 1.2197 0.04069 132 106 23 3
1290 There must be some misunderstanding. Doesn't until death do us part mean that we are to be apart after death? 1.2197 0.04069 132 106 23 3
1291 Get ready — the Danse Macabre starts in five minutes! 1.2197 0.03774 132 104 27 1
1292 I can see you are new here 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
1293 I'm looking for a younger woman. 1.2197 0.04602 132 110 15 7
1294 No, I can't come out and play. 1.2197 0.04069 132 106 23 3
1295 Hey you! I am gonna kill myself if I have to listen to that Nixon impression for the rest of eternity. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1296 Sorry, not really into nudism 1.2197 0.04847 132 112 11 9
1297 I'm feeling a bit overdressed. 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
1298 What is this, a Tim Burton film? 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
1299 Hey, uh...I'm required to tell you that I am a registered coffin offender. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1300 Welcome, we don’t get a lot of new comers anymore with cremation all the rage. So tell me who is president. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1301 You look great, but I’d rather kill myself again than join your Low Carb Club. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1302 I told them I wanted a closed casket 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1303 Good lord! What happened to "til death do us part?" 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1304 Ha ha ha ha ha...a...a...a...and then...and then...stay with me now...and then a priest, a rabbi, and an Imam walk into a bar...ho ho ho, the punchline will kill you... 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1305 Everything else I can deal with, but my real estate agent promised quiet neigbors. 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1306 It's why I like timeshare rentals -- the neighbors are temporary. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1307 Why have I been buried in the Van Winkle family cemetery? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1308 Who knew a bag of peanut M&Ms, three shots of tequila, two beers, and a Percocet was mortal? 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1309 Ya, Ya mom, you did warn me. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1310 Frankiiieee! Over here! Oh, just wait 'til the girls hear about this! 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1311 It's too late for that now. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1312 Well, at least it's in Manhattan... 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1313 well hello there.welcome to the neighborhood. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1314 I'm Roger. Can you believe this? I mean, really 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1315 Just my luck, eternity next to this guy. 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1316 So I say, Nothing is certain" "I hear 'ya, Death and Taxes wait for no man, yeah? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1317 Buddy, PLEASE, just Rest In Peace. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1318 Ehh, you're not really my type, I'm looking for someone with a bit more substance. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1319 Enough with the mansplaining. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1320 You're lucky to have gotten that space. People are just dying to get in here. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1321 What is it about RIP that you don't understand? 1.2180 0.03749 133 105 27 1
1322 I’m not looking for date, I just got single.. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1323 Hey buddy, I just came for a fitting. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1324 How do you lose weight, then keep it off?” 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1325 You mean to tell me that DEATH is not FATAL! 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1326 Just give it some time and you'll fit right in. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1327 I still have to make small talk!? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1328 I thought you guys took August off. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1329 How come there's never a shrink around when you really need one? 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1330 Ludwig the composer, and Clarence the decomposer. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1331 Sorry, I don't dig it. 1.2180 0.03749 133 105 27 1
1332 It will get better... 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1333 this conversation is dead serious! 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1334 I know it's tight, but after a few years you'll have much more room. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1335 Wouldn't you know it, Mort, we're neighbors again! 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1336 Nuthin, there’s nuthin new , I tell ya. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1337 Till death due us part? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1338 I should never have joined that secret society. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1339 The motto is ‘rest in peace’ but we’re really quite a sociable group. You’ll see. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1340 Nancy Pelosi still 'leading' the Democrats?" 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1341 Oh great. Another game of charades. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1342 Ugh! Why didn't they spring for the lid option? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1343 Till death do us part, now please may I RIP 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1344 Ooh, hello. It's been a long time since I've seen a man. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1345 Lucky me, my new neighbor, Chatty Kathy.... 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1346 Maxine, I tell you for the twentieth time...Yes we got adjoining graves, but I am not and never will join you in a rousing chorus of "I've got you under my skin." 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1347 Dammit! This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to be boss of the underworld. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1348 Welcome to the WWWhhhhhhaaaaatttttttt?????? 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1349 Try the new Atrophy Diet," she said. Who else thought that would be a good idea 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1350 Ya know, this sucks bigly. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1351 Somehow I always sit next to a chatty Kathy 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1352 Hey, good timing! We're welcoming newbies Friday night at the mausoleum" 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1353 Stop it Rodney! You’re still killing me! 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1354 Why do I have to wear a suit when the other guy gets to be naked? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1355 Welcome to the 'hood! 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1356 Hi there! Looking good - so far. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1357 Till death do us part", they said.. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1358 I thought it was "Til Death Do You Part"...I never signed up for this 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1359 Hi neighbor. Their called tiny houses now! 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1360 I tell ya, I get no respect, there I was minding my own business ... 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1361 Now she says, "Yes!" 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1362 Hey. Anyone here from out of town? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1363 Is this all there is? Is there no more to life than this? Ooh! Ooh! Ask me! Ask me! I know!!! 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1364 This is what happens when you marry a cougar and don't read the pre-nup! 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1365 You must be new here. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1366 New to these parts? 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
1367 I can't smell the roses. 1.2171 0.03962 129 103 24 2
1368 Enough already, Bernie. Your fifty minutes was up over thirty years ago. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1369 I think it was all the GMO. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1370 Seems just like yesterday I was the new guy on the row. 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1371 I DID tell you to drop dead. Still.....No. 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1372 I told you I was buried in a dead end job. 1.2171 0.04664 129 108 14 7
1373 Stop already! That “come hither” look is what got me here in the first place! 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1374 All this because I forgot to ask "May I?" 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
1375 Hi, there! I'm guessing you didn't go gentle into that good night. They've got a therapist down here that can help you work on your anger management issues. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
1376 Couldn't you have placed me next to someone with less energy? 1.2171 0.04792 129 109 12 8
1377 Hi, looks like you are new here. You got to take it lying down. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1378 Welcome, neighbor! The last guy was exhumed a century ago and never returned. I've been really lonely. Any inkling that might happen to you, 'cus I'd hate to get too friendly? 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
1379 Can we please skip the "welcome to the neighborhood" routine. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
1380 Yo, over here...stop whining, I’m the one who got the polonium” 1.2171 0.04792 129 109 12 8
1381 Hi Babe! I see you went with the cheaper coffin after all. Don't worry, you'll have more shoulder room after a month. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1382 What the hell am I gonna put 'em in? 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1383 I don't recognize your face but your breath is familiar. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
1384 Few analysts are this dedicated. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1385 Welcome! You've obviously come dressed for a formal occasion. 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1386 I should have been cremated an avoided these post modern dating rituals 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1387 You're supposed to be pushing them up! 1.2171 0.03806 129 102 26 1
1388 You're the new guy? Welcome to the neighborhood! 1.2154 0.04227 130 106 20 4
1389 Relax! I'm not ready. But—I bet you knocked them dead—when you had skin. 1.2154 0.04501 130 108 16 6
1390 I hate these people who are always telling me to have a nice day. 1.2154 0.04366 130 107 18 5
1391 This is why I hate blind dates. 1.2154 0.04366 130 107 18 5
1392 Okay, so I did wish for more "grassroots support" from that voodoo woman in the New Orleans constituency..... 1.2154 0.04501 130 108 16 6
1393 Well this is just great. 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
1394 Traffic. 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
1395 Welcome to the neighborhood you're going to love how peaceful and quite it is! 1.2126 0.03813 127 101 25 1
1396 This is not a wave "hello"; this a signal for you to shut up and let me Rest In Peace. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1397 It was just a soft-tissue injury. There's nothing wrong with MY bones. 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1398 Do you still want to talk to me about reverse mortgages? 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1399 And that 'Talk to the hand' come-back is so passé. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1400 You're six feet under, no bones about it, must still pay taxes. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1401 The reason they buried you alive Mr. Tarantino is because you won’t shut up! 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1402 Oh Lord! It's going to be hell in this suit. 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
1403 I thought I would finally have some peace and quiet. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1404 Sarte was right, “He’ll is other people.” 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1405 You're making me feel lousy about knocking you off for the insurance. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1406 You new guys always show up overdressed! 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1407 What's new? You don't want to know! 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1408 Hey, will you pipe down? I’m trying to get some sleep. 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1409 My coffin is too small, my neighbor keeps knocking and I requested a root view. Rest in peace? 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
1410 I didn't expect Welcome Wagon down here. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1411 What is it that you still don’t understand about rest in PEACE? 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1412 BTW wi-fi is horrible down here. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1413 You're making it really hard for me to act based solely on sex and skin color down here! 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1414 STFU! Don't you know what 'R.I.P.' means?! 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1415 I may have lost the plot. 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1416 I thought the daisies were included!" 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1417 What can I say, peaceful cheap room and board? 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1418 Don't worry. The ants only tickle, but the worms will make you sneeze. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1419 No way I'm spending eternity next to a freaking nudist! 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1420 You think you've got it bad? My kids are using my twitter account to apologize for my previous tweets! 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
1421 I said I wanted a quieter office. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1422 Hey, did you see what Stephen Colbert did to your theater? 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
1423 Yes. OK, fine. If there is a zombie apocalypse, we can be brain buddies. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1424 All my life they said I looked great for my age. Lot of good it did me. 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1425 I take it back! My wife would be preferable to a car salesman! 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1426 I don't think I'm quite ready for another dating service. 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1427 "Maybe if I roll over she'll get the message that it's time to rest in peace. 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1428 It was cheaper than buying a bomb shelter. 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1429 Fox New s Host: all i said was Trump should tone down the rhetoric and they freakin buried me! 1.2126 0.04694 127 107 13 7
1430 And so I say to her 'Fine, if chivalry is dead, then so am I'. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
1431 I'm afraid our time is up. 1.2109 0.04660 128 108 13 7
1432 Oh, God. It's Arthur, my insurance salesman. 1.2109 0.04526 128 107 15 6
1433 At least we're insulated from all the 'fake news'. 1.2109 0.04388 128 106 17 5
1434 I’m dead, right? I ‘m friggin’ DEAD, I don’t got a bleepin’ penny to my name, and this guy is busting my balls about some river cruise! 1.2109 0.04526 128 107 15 6
1435 Calm down. Your suit will fit better soon. 1.2109 0.03945 128 103 23 2
1436 Thought it was over. 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1437 Don't tell me what the Founding Fathers would have done; I was one of them! 1.2109 0.04660 128 108 13 7
1438 Yes, I was the CEO of a Botox company, you don’t have to rub it in 1.2109 0.03945 128 103 23 2
1439 I appreciate the hospitality, but I really don't see myself fitting in here... 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1440 Clothes may make the man but we are still dead 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1441 Merrily, merrily, merrily merrily, life is but a dream. 1.2109 0.04388 128 106 17 5
1442 And here I thought I could look forward to ‘resting in peace’. 1.2109 0.03945 128 103 23 2
1443 Diet or no diet we all end up in the same place. 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1444 But, I was a vegan and wore Armani suits. 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1445 So I take it, there's no buffet! 1.2109 0.04388 128 106 17 5
1446 Think Grateful Dead music, my favorite is “A touch of grey”. Flowers? 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1447 This is not the rent control apartment my parents left me! 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1448 I’m what you’re going to look like in 20 years! 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1449 You think you're bored now, wait about a hundred years. 1.2109 0.04388 128 106 17 5
1450 Quit your waving already, can’t you see I’m trying to Rest In Peace? 1.2109 0.04388 128 106 17 5
1451 Down here you can "lie" all the time and no one will care! 1.2109 0.04526 128 107 15 6
1452 Hope you don't snore. 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1453 You seem to take a bare bones approach to courting. 1.2109 0.03945 128 103 23 2
1454 I thought the least I would get would be a welcome basket. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1455 Yeah, but I don't want to lose as much weight as you; you're positively skeletal. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1456 Hey! Gimmy some skin! 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1457 I keep getting this haunting feeling that I knew you in a previous life 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1458 I hope that this is only a dream 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1459 All I asked of the store clerk was, could she offer me an affordable layaway plan? 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1460 I accepted your friend request. That's as far as it goes. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1461 Can't I just rest in peace? 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
1462 I said I was buried in work. I didn't mean it literaly! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1463 I’m sorry I’d rather we try and meet other people 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1464 Just my luck...buried with a friendly nudist! 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1465 I TOLD you it's a bare bones operation!!! 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1466 Democracy has been Trumped And buried alive 1.2097 0.04759 124 105 12 7
1467 +"Wednesday's are for ribs at Marty's." 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1468 You can't pick your family! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1469 Hey there, I've got a skeleton key you can borrow. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1470 The early bird gets the tree. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1471 One needs time to adjust 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1472 Has anyone ever told you that your knock knock jokes are getting old? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1473 So what’s new up top. Is Trump still running things? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1474 Don’t ask. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1475 Mismatch- I'm antisocial and died from osteoporosis. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1476 What!?! No final eternal rest? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1477 Can anybody tell me what the heck is going on? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1478 Thanks, but right now I need a little more time to not be me. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1479 Again I'm sorry! I thought you liked tulips! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1480 Thanks, Zillow 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1481 Just what are you so cheery about? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1482 No, I'm not a Deadhead 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1483 Once a necrophiliac, always a necrophiliac... 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1484 Welcome. You must be new here. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1485 Oh God ,can I ever get away from her? 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
1486 Hi, remember me? You shot me in '02 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1487 ...And they had told me romance was dead! 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1488 Being a celebrity is tough...even down here they won’t leave you alone! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1489 Enough with the 'thinking outside of the box." 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1490 Could you keep it down over there, I'm trying to sleep! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1491 Okay, okay, let me settle in a bit and then we'll 'do lunch.' 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1492 Hey, don't blame me, I told the funeral parlor you were allergic to those damn flowers! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1493 Hi! Can I join you? The tree is crowding me out... Oh wait you are ALIVE! 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1494 No, you may NOT have the name of my tailor. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1495 Wave all you want but I am bone tired. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1496 I thought we were going business casual. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1497 I'm not into cougars 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1498 Where have all MY flowers gone, long time passing? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1499 I said I'd even follow you to the grave, not that I'd also be roommates. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1500 No! That's not how you play dead! You got a long way to go.... 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1501 And here I thought my last neighbor was annoying... 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1502 Stop! Look at you, you're skin and bones! 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1503 Serenity now? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1504 But who even knows all the lyrics to "Dem Bones" anyway? 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1505 Welcome!! Did you bring snacks?? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1506 Wanna bone down here? It's a bit lonely down here. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1507 Ah jeez, I should have paid attention to all those theology nerds who told me that the immediate ascension of the soul to Heaven at the moment of death is a misconception and we have to wait for bodily resurrection at the end of time, jeez. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1508 So glad to be here tonight, such a lively audience. Anybody else here dead? Ah yes, you sir, in the coffin there - where are you from? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1509 Enough with the lawyer jokes already! 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1510 I specifically requested not to be in nudist cemetery. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1511 I understand neither why I have been buried alive nor why a skeleton is waving at me! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1512 It’s grandpa...what do you mean you don’t recognize me? 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1513 It won't be so warm in here after you lose a few pounds. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1514 I'm pretty sure it says ' Rest In PEACE'! 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
1515 Meredith, I only married you for the money 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1516 Sorry, I’m new to this. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1517 Who Knew? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1518 Oy vey, my best suit, no cash and the Halloween dude, Mama-a-a!! 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1519 Beats Tinder. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1520 I told that damn undertaker to go light on the embalming fluid. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1521 Okay, okay, I gave you those diet pills but that's a thin excuse to take revenge 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1522 What me worry? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1523 Are you on NextDoor? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1524 We've been over this before, coffin lids are for suckers. 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1525 you must be the new one 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1526 Ugh. Suburban neighbors ... 1.2097 0.04759 124 105 12 7
1527 For the boat ride to Paradise I have to listen to jokes and be entertained by Dead Skeleton? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1528 I did not know that death was clothes optional. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1529 Hi, I'm your afterlife neighbor Cedric. I was a CPA for fifty years - boy do I have some stories for you. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1530 I have no idea where the Bardo is 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1531 At least buy me dinner before trying to bone me! 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1532 Do you have any idea of who I was? 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1533 Can you give me a minute, I just got here... 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1534 Could I BE any more dead? 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1535 Proud American: " Hey Donald...remember me?" 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1536 Cut it out! You don't scare me anymore. 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1537 What kind of a diet do they put you on in this crazy place? 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1538 I should have never signed that prefuneral agreement. 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1539 Sorry, I’m an ass man. 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1540 Finally, no one around. Let it RIP. 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1541 Hey! Can't a guy any privacy around here? 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1542 Hi Donald. See you in hell. 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1543 This is roomier than that stairwell in Port Authority, isn't it? 1.2080 0.04724 125 106 12 7
1544 That suit looks rotting on you! 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1545 Hey, give me some time to get comfortable. 1.2080 0.03818 125 100 24 1
1546 Really, why didn't you send me flowers anymore? 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1547 Does this mean I still have to ‘love thy neighbor’ or do I get exempted from that now? 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1548 Weeds? Got a lovely fruit basket when I moved into my last neighborhood 1.2080 0.03983 125 101 22 2
1549 Seriously, there's no dry cleaning service? 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1550 Dad! Is that you? 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1551 That's very kind of you but shouldn't we wait until the decomposition process takes hold? 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1552 Can I borrow your suit so I don't scare people when I come out 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1553 Give me a break; I just got here. 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1554 I didn’t know this was business casual 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1555 I said a wall, not a tunnel. 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1556 I'm your wife, Stupid! 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1557 I’m sorry honey, no new wife for you. 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1558 Happy Deathday! 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1559 Stop me if you've heard this one. 1.2080 0.03983 125 101 22 2
1560 There may be some lingering resentment. 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1561 The Baby Boomers are coming! 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
1562 I told you those things would kill ya! 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1563 I'm frozen but they just don't know it 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1564 How long do I have to keep wearing this tie? 1.2072 0.04635 111 92 15 4
1565 Aw, come on, I didn’t ask for adjoining rooms! 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1566 Nice to see you too Ethel, but put some clothes on before you catch your death. 1.2066 0.04052 121 98 21 2
1567 How ironic. I was a mob boss and now my bff is Jimmy Hoffa 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1568 Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily -- Life is but a dream. 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1569 I can't believe I'm on The Dead Ed Sullivan Show! "Hi Mom!" 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1570 I dunno. I was thinking of just hanging here until after the mid-terms. 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1571 Yeah yeah yeah, I'm not ready either, buddy. 1.2063 0.04552 126 106 14 6
1572 There will be plenty of time to sleep when you're dead"... HA 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
1573 Rest assured, the neighborhood is to die for. 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1574 Hey, I only agreed to 'til do us part. 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1575 Sorry to bother you neighbor, but do you have the time? 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1576 So let's continue where we left off at you last session. 1.2049 0.04499 122 102 15 5
1577 I TOLD my wife that I didn’t need to wear a suit. 1.2049 0.03850 122 98 23 1
1578 It's a custom-fitted Brooks Bros. suit and I plan to be dug up in it. 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1579 What a coincidence...two guys with the same name buried next to each other. What killed you, Rip? 1.2049 0.04790 122 104 11 7
1580 So what's the story with "till death do us part?" 1.2049 0.04022 122 99 21 2
1581 Hi! I'm Rudy, Your wife. Well Trump-Care didn't cover my embalming expenses. 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
1582 How can you be that nosy without a nose? 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
1583 Bob," they told me, "just preside over the special counsel for a few months, and you'll go down in history." Spending eternity next to Ken Starr? That's going down in irony 1.2035 0.04560 113 94 15 4
1584 Hey, what about "Til death do us part"?! 1.2035 0.04199 113 92 19 2
1585 Your stone doesn't do you justice. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1586 And here I thought the first level of hell would be a little deeper in the ground. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1587 No, I don't know what time it is. Who cares? 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1588 'Great. They buried me next to Red Skelton'. 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1589 I’m already seeing someone 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1590 Hellooo! Welc... Uh, so snobby. What a stiff... 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1591 Talk about coincidence! My last name is also Van Winkle. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1592 Where’s a body have to go to get a drink around here? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1593 I wish now I had requested burial in a separate graveyard, Dear. 1.2017 0.04859 119 102 10 7
1594 Even in death I can’t get any peace and quiet. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1595 HELLo. Think of it as the ultimate clothing optional resort 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1596 You're overwhelming me! I need to re-gain my de-composure 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1597 Give me a chance to settle in, Jane. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1598 Could have sworn I paid for the extra leg room 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1599 I don't get many visitors. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1600 Okay already. Before you died I told you a million times that I love you. Now leave me alone. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1601 Howdy neighbor 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1602 I know texting, not semaphore! 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1603 You say I never bring you flowers, what does it matter where I got them. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1604 Can't a guy have a little peace and quiet down here? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1605 Relax. Soon, it will be like looking in a mirror! 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1606 Welcome to the graveyard of former Trump appointees. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1607 It isn't like Knopf. The first two letters in 'chthonic' are silent. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1608 Cremation gets reincarnation, we get this 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1609 And I thought we vowed 'til death do us part''! 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1610 Please, Nancy! I only promised till death do us part. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1611 I thought death would do us part... 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1612 And which "Ex" are you? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1613 Everyone is so friendly during rigor mortis. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1614 Rest in peace,they said! How am I supposed to get any rest with this jerk talking all the time? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1615 Lived long and prospered...Bones 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1616 And, no property taxes! 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1617 Are you talkin' to me? Are YOU talkin' to ME? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1618 I'm not into boners. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1619 Could be other people also; there’s a lot of people out there. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1620 Can you wait till I decompose,I just got here. 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1621 Welcome to the greatest weight-loss program in the history of the world! 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1622 Rest In Peace ..." Yeah, right 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1623 As I am, soon you shall be. 1.2017 0.04859 119 102 10 7
1624 I thought Speed Dating was dead . . . not Speed Dating the dead. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1625 Be quiet! Do you WANT to be dug up and staked through the heart? 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1626 In my will when I sad I wanted to be buried with family, I didn't mean my mother-in-law. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1627 I'm sorry. I'm still uncomfortable around nudity. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1628 Our vows only said till DEATH do us part. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1629 I got here first, so I get the tree. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1630 For the last time, I am not your baby's daddy! 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1631 Look Dad, you really shouldn't be so happy to see me. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1632 But they told me on hold that I was next in line. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1633 I’m sorry it took me so long, but my thought was “better late than never. “ 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1634 Better late than never, though my preference would have been never. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1635 I'm just not as excited as you are for us to be neighbors. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1636 I AM your last chance! 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1637 Rest in peace -- that's a joke! Why did I ever agree to a family plot? 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1638 No, I do NOT want to renew my subscription to The Watchtower. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1639 I really shouldn't have omitted the "till death do we part" line. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1640 Hey pal, get a grip. This is a RIP zone. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1641 Hiya. Got any cigs? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1642 Why am I always seated with people of no substance? 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1643 G’day, mate - first time down under? 1.2017 0.05004 119 103 8 8
1644 Enjoy Your First Halloween 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1645 Hiya ! You must be new around here. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1646 bonne nuit 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1647 Gah! Somebody kill me! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1648 Thank you, thank you. For my next trick I'll need a volunteer. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1649 Let me get this straight honey.. now that we're six feet under, no more headaches? 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1650 Like it or not, clothes do make the man. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1651 Will you please shut up?! I'm trying to sleep. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1652 You'll rest more in peace once the maggots get here! 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1653 This will be an eternity 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1654 Hey! Easy pal! Once the tie rots, it's not so bad. 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1655 Hey, the best part is all the weight you lose. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1656 Welcome to the resistance. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1657 So much for 'til death do us part! 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1658 Hey buddy, at least you were buried with clothes on! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1659 To be honest, I'm not happy to see you. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1660 Admit it. They’re regifted. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1661 Well I shoulda known, there's no rest for a New York City cab driver! 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1662 It really is bare bones down here. 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1663 You overdressed for the occasion. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1664 I don’t know - why are you asking me anyway - I just got here! 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1665 Jeez, I figured it would be hotter. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1666 Relax. Your problems are over. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1667 Relax, honey. You’re going to be here for a while. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1668 Hey, you made it early for once! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1669 Rest in peace -- that's a joke! Why did I agree to family plot? 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1670 Darling, it gets more spacious with time. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1671 Eternity next to my father-in-law?... Kill me again. 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1672 I agreed- "til death do us part!" 1.2000 0.04031 120 98 20 2
1673 If I give you these flowers will you shut up about Trump? 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1674 This is why I wanted Marge to die first. 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1675 Ahoy there Mate, would you happen to have a sandwich in one of those pockets? I'm starved to death! 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1676 I thought the Welcome Committee would be wearing at least halos! 1.2000 0.04031 120 98 20 2
1677 Were you ready to die?" "Ready to die! Man, I wasn't even ready to live! 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1678 Boy do I miss the edginess of the city. Even the corpses are friendly down South! 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1679 It isn't you, it's me! 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1680 Even in the afterlife, I’m just out of your league! 1.2000 0.04674 120 102 12 6
1681 I told you to stay in the closet! 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1682 Hey buddy, can you keep it down? The sign means Rest In Peace not Rant in Perpetuity! 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1683 Could you just please compose yourself! 1.2000 0.03853 120 97 22 1
1684 This is deplorable. 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1685 The outlook for afterlife diplomacy is grave. 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1686 Hold it down. You’ll wake up the dead. 1.2000 0.04031 120 98 20 2
1687 I can't believe he's a Republican. 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1688 Hey! Hey! Got any gum? 1.2000 0.04674 120 102 12 6
1689 Okay, you're nice. But who do I have to see to buy my way out of this situation? 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1690 Hi! In a few months you'll look like me 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1691 Just give it time. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
1692 But we can be together FOREVER! 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1693 Yea, hi. When do they come back and take your clothes? 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1694 Vladimir, you still didn't say that you loved me! 1.2000 0.04822 120 103 10 7
1695 I thought this was a tanning booth ! 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1696 Folks, I'll let my friend here speak to the efficacy of the "Cemetary Diet". 1.2000 0.03853 120 97 22 1
1697 Yes dear, they were on sale. Yes dear, I forgot you were allergic to them... 1.2000 0.03853 120 97 22 1
1698 Swiping right won’t make me jump your bones. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1699 Really? You hate the flowers? You said they where your favorite. I guess I will spend eternity hearing about it. I guess I am not resting peace? 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1700 Here I don’t need these anymore. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1701 Finally... what took you so long! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1702 I wasn't into bony people even when I was alive. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1703 I took him seriously, not literally. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1704 More bad luck! My mother-in-law! 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1705 I didn’t wave back to her when I was alive, and I’m not going to start now. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1706 I guess this is how it feels to be on a game show and your buzzer is not working 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1707 I thought I was on Grindr, not Grave Diggr! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1708 Gimme a minute - I just got here. 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1709 Hi neighbor, never thought I'd see you again! Can I borrow a shovel? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1710 And here I always thought necrophilia ran in the other direction! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1711 Great, there goes the rest of my PTO. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1712 If notbing else--thought at least I could Rest in PEACE 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1713 Helo, I’m from Microsoft Windows! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1714 Welcome to the Neighborhood. I hear people are dying to move here. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1715 Just send a snapchat like everyone else. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1716 Uncle Fred was even creepier when he was alive. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1717 Its OK Donald. Hillary sends her love. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1718 Thanks,but I'm a little down right now. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1719 Being the liveliest in the group, Ron was finding it difficult to avoid the advances from the other corpses. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1720 I've always been a fan of older women, but this is ridiculous. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1721 Where's the peace? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1722 Come here often? 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1723 Welcome to The Bachelor: Underworld 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1724 Welcome to the neighborhood. Don’t worry you get used to the darkness. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1725 Always the exhibitionist. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1726 First rule of dead speed dating: the early corpse gets the worms. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1727 Sorry about the noise. I'm not quite dug in! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1728 I knew that dating site was creepy! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1729 Hi, I was the United States. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1730 The worm crawls out; say, have you seen my bottle of Mezcal? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1731 I'm a big fan, really! Sorry we had to meet like this." 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1732 I’m sorry but you don’t look like the John that I knew. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1733 Seriously? Nosey neighbor, again?? This is HELL! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1734 I was very clear. In lieu of flowers, send donations to Uncle Mort’s foundation. Ok? Is that too complicated? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1735 I specifically requested a private room. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1736 Hey, remember me? Sorry, I'm bad at faces. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1737 I'd love to shake, rattle, and roll with you, baby. Just give me a month to change into something more comfortable. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1738 Oh great! I'm buried next to a groupie. I think I'm going to die. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1739 Do I still love her? It remains to be seen. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1740 If I'da knowed it was clothing optional I'da gone ta Forest Lawn! 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1741 It’s really nothing. Just a little welcome to the neighborhood. 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1742 Hi! You must be new here. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1743 Hey, take your suit off. You’re going to be here a while. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1744 You're too old for me. 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1745 And I thought I had hit rock bottom with my divorce. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1746 So is there anyone here from out of town? 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1747 I mean, who wouldn't choose to wait for the rapture? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1748 Where's the damn string for the bell?! 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1749 You got to be kidding buddy if you think that's going to make me feel any better! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1750 I now dub thee the scum of the earth! 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1751 So much for peace and quiet! 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1752 Oh oh! And didn't you hate it too when you wanted to talk to somebody on a really long flight and they pretended to be asleep? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1753 I mean, really... Who wants to be born again? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1754 I thought I’d get some peace and quiet. 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1755 Can’t I go ANYWHERE without being harassed by my fans?!? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1756 I tried returning your emails but they never went through. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1757 At the seance, they said YOU were going to visit ME. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1758 All I said was I'll pay you when my horse comes in and I ended up here. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1759 No, for the last time, I didn't bilk you out of the money, you old bag of bones -- It is just company policy. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1760 I told you before, you're dead to me! 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1761 Hey Buddy! How would you like to decompose without the aid of unsightly maggots and earthworms? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1762 In case you didn't notice buddy, I "knew what I was doing" too. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1763 Welcome! Is that a Bill Blass or a De La Renta? 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1764 Don't worry, it'll pass. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1765 I have the best grave! No other grave like mine!" "Yoo hoo! Your dead and we don't care" 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1766 Hey there Bob! I thought it was obvious, but To clarify: I meant to say I "wouldn't" be buried next to you. Not I "would" be buried next to you. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1767 Why can't you clap? Because you are dead! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1768 Oy vey! The plot thickens. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1769 I guess I still have a thing for older women. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1770 Love at first sight 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1771 I hate this bare bones reality. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1772 Alright, already, enough about how there's always a catch when the Genie grants you your wish! 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1773 I can't get over how good you look 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1774 Nice try! But I’m still upset! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1775 I see you have kept your figure 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1776 A year and a half of Trump I can’t even get a little rest here buddy?! 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1777 WTF! 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1778 I know you took them from my grave to start with. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1779 Hi stranger! New in town? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1780 Relax, buddy. And take off that suit and tie. You're gonna be here for a while. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1781 Just ate a lot of cured meats, I guess. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1782 Hey Jimmy, looks like we've got ourselves a live one here! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1783 It’s too soon, it’s just too soon! 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1784 Listen pal, I can't help it if my coffin doesn't conform with the co-op regulations. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1785 Hey roomie! 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1786 I told you that I had a flesh eating disease. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1787 I thought it meant Rise If Possible! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1788 Great, an entire life of unwanted chatter and they bury me next to the overly talkative nudist 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1789 Nope, I don't want to be part of Neighborhood Watch! 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1790 Is any body there? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1791 I'm telling ya, I don't get no respect. I tell my best jokes and the crowd is dead! 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1792 Not exactly the suit I wanted to be buried in- but I guess I'll make no bones about it. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1793 I was wrong. The past 12 years has been bliss. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1794 Go back to bed, Mother. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1795 You never liked that suit anyway. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1796 I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for a neighbor to move in, but I'm not gay. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1797 What do you do for fun down here, play Charades? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1798 Dolores, I might not be married but I'm still dead. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1799 I'm playing dead, what's your excuse? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1800 You have to stop and smell the roses. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1801 Hell is being buried next to an aluminum siding salesman. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1802 Good lord, Steve, what makes you think I'm suddenly going to be glad to see you? 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1803 Even after death, only the creeps/weirdos hit on me? 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1804 Now I get respect? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1805 Stop, stop, I have heard that joke before. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1806 No surprise, I've always come prematurely 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1807 Oh No! I forgot I still had a plot next to the Ex! 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1808 Why? Why did I have to be buried to my ex-wife?! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1809 And they say people in New York never get to know their neighbors! 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1810 Lovely, but you should know I intend to play the field before settling down. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1811 Hi! It’s Copeland from Accounting. Don’t you recognize me? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1812 The salesman told me it was the most economical option in tiny houses. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1813 I get it, I get it: you were buried prematurely. Womp, womp. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1814 I just look like George Clooney! 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1815 Hi honey! Did you take out the garbage before you died? 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1816 ...still with the nagging, Harriet? I never promised you a rose garden. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1817 I thought I was moving to a diverse neighborhood but my neighbors are the whitest people I've ever met 1.1983 0.04931 116 100 9 7
1818 My last words were ‘“see you in the next life”, not “buried with my ex-wife”. 1.1983 0.04931 116 100 9 7
1819 Maybe in some other lifetime, sweetheart. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1820 Jeez Louise! ‘Till Death Do Us Part’’, ungrammatical as it may be, mean nothing to you? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1821 Jeez, You Again!! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1822 Put some clothes on or I'll have to report you to the HOA 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1823 I won't start dating again until I lose some weight. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1824 Hey Lurch, is that you?! You may remember me. I played "Thing" on The Addams Family! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1825 Hi. Can’t wait to hear how you died. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1826 Hey pal, got any smokes? 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1827 WHEN YOU BECOME SKELETON ALL RELATIVES WILL LOOK ALIKE 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1828 What is it about 'until death do you part' and 'R.I.P.' you don't understand? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1829 Why did they bury you naked? 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1830 Happy death day! Got cake? 1.1983 0.04931 116 100 9 7
1831 Hey! Hey! Do you have one of those iPhone paperclip things for getting the sim card out?" 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1832 Can't I get some peace and quiet anywhere?! 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1833 When Stephen asked me to take over his graveyard shift, I thought he meant something else. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1834 What can I tell you, buddy? Real Estate in NYC is a competitive business. 1.1983 0.03914 116 94 21 1
1835 If I"m lying, I'm dying! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1836 No. We knew analysis takes time. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1837 I know, right? It’s the only place anyone can afford with the skyrocketing rent costs. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1838 Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1839 Look, I'm new to this. Can we take it slow at first? 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1840 Be quiet - I’m trying to sleep here. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1841 Mom, it was embarrassing enough when I went off to kindergarten, but departing down the River Styx??? 1.1966 0.03884 117 95 21 1
1842 It gets better! 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1843 Your welcome makes it all worthwhile. 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
1844 Welcome, but it seems that your right arm was put on backwards and they’ll get away with it! 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1845 Sorry, but no, I don't need a 'really good' set of encyclopedias. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1846 I was promised a 'do us part' ! 1.1947 0.04329 113 94 16 3
1847 Shut-up or I'll kill you! 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
1848 Stop with the campaign speech ,what part of rest in peace don’t you understand . 1.1947 0.03741 113 91 22 0
1849 I said I wanted to be cremated! 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1850 Did you tell them you're not ready? 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
1851 I said 'closed casket' but did she ever listen to me? 1.1947 0.04142 113 93 18 2
1852 Oh great. I always get seated next to the nobodies. 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
1853 How can I rest I peace when buried next to my mother-in-law? 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
1854 Please stop soft-tissue-splaining. 1.1927 0.05128 109 95 7 7
1855 Do you recognize me? I lost some weight. 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
1856 Fred, I'm not yet dead! 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
1857 Hey, keep it down over there! We are supposed to be resting in peace! 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
1858 Wave Back: The Bare-Bones Guide To Being Buried Alive 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
1859 John, I really didn't expect to see you again 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
1860 Criminy! I said I wanted cryogenics and no bones about it! 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
1861 Yes Blanche, we're finally together again, and this time for all eternity...oh joy. 1.1892 0.03948 111 91 19 1
1862 It wasn't my fault I was late. It was Google Maps, I tell you! 1.1892 0.03948 111 91 19 1
1863 Stop waving at me and tell me how to get out. 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
1864 Look - I appreciate the welcome, but I just wanna rest in peace 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1865 I've told you, it's a little late to schedule that prostate exam. But if you don't shut up about it, I'll oblige. 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1866 The moment John realised 'Til death do us part' was temporary. 1.1892 0.04150 111 92 17 2
1867 Don't blame me if the boss didn't like your bare-bones proposal! 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1868 Method acting, they said. No big deal. 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1869 Hey Ed...over here - it's Jack Paar! 1.1892 0.03948 111 91 19 1
1870 Hey newbie, what do you think of the great views these convertible models’ have? 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1871 Name is Nixon. Join me. But leave your hair. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1872 This is so cool! How long has it been since we last hung out? Anyway, what's new with you? 1.1892 0.04150 111 92 17 2
1873 A pocket full of posies? Where’s my ascension package!? 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1874 OK, I’ll keep quiet about the life-after-death stuff. 1.1892 0.04150 111 92 17 2
1875 Hey fella, you know you going to be down here for a while! 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1876 So I ‘m late. Let’s not get off to a bad start here. 1.1880 0.03826 117 96 20 1
1877 Seriously, nothing ever gets under your skin! 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
1878 Ugh, the plot schtickens. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
1879 You're entirely too composed to be in this deep! 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
1880 In the winter months, Chad wondered how Fred managed the chills 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
1881 Oh, hi honey! Just in time...mom should be burrowing over any minute now. 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
1882 It says 'rest in peace'! 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
1883 But I do care that I left the water running! 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1884 You Bonehead, it's less than an apartment in Midtown, there are no property taxes and this has low assessments. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
1885 I don't suppose there's a sports bar down here? 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1886 I just want some peace and quiet 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1887 It doesn't look it - but I was once just like you 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1888 Guess you didn't expect to move in next to a gay guy." 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1889 Not that long, but I’ve put down roots 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
1890 The obituary clearly said no flowers 1.1875 0.04835 112 97 9 6
1891 I wish I had been cremated. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1892 Shhh!! You're making enough noise to wake the dead! 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
1893 Hey handsome, Mother says it is ok for us to be alone together now. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
1894 Going green takes time. Them up there still haven't figured it out. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
1895 I'm dying for a good talk. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1896 Welcome neighbor. How do you like your new digs? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1897 "Hey buddy! Your epidermis is showing!" -Joseph Dennis, Mobile, Ala. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1898 I don’t know, I’m still playing the field, as it were. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1899 You Know I Can't Smell Them! 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1900 I know, Mitt, I know - he totally ignored the 2012 Republican Autopsy Report. 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1901 Hi there! You don't seem to be at peace. 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1902 Finally, someone in the neighborhood who is not afraid to have a little meat on their bones. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1903 What gives, Genie? I said I wanted to get laid, not "laid to rest!" 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1904 I told you that low-carb diet was no good for you in the long run. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1905 I said in lieu of flowers 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1906 I still say I didn’t kill you 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1907 I'm buried and only with a skeleton crew. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1908 Hi Bill, it's me from Enron. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1909 Can I borrow some of your toothpaste? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1910 Woo-hoo, Mr. LaPierre? Over here! I’ll be taking those guns now! 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1911 You in the suit! What part of 'rest in peace' don't you understand? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1912 Hey Neighbor, give me some skin. Pleeeeeeease give me some skin!!" 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1913 Hey, hold it down over there. I didn't sign up to have a loudmouth politician next door for eternity! 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1914 The irony is, I was really into recycling... 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1915 Hey, buddy,can’t you read the sign? 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1916 thanks, but i'm waiting for my ride out of here. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1917 Gentrification is killing this neighborhood." 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1918 Relax. You’re going to like it here. It’s very peaceful. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1919 Donald Trump is gay for his gay communist plutocrat boyfriend Vladimir Putin. I 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1920 Sorry, I'm just not a supporter of Medicaid. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1921 I told you, I'm not Harry. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1922 You should see the other guy. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1923 The food's lousy, but the environment is heavenly. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1924 The wifi is great, but I think I got a plot next to my ex 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1925 That is all well and good, but I think we’re in two different places. 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1926 Don't ask me. Some people can never put a lid on it. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1927 Thank you, but, it's a little late for flowers. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1928 Who knew my ex wife could look so good!? 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1929 Hey, no one can hear you! Try rolling over. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1930 Wow! It's my skeleton in the closet! 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1931 High-five. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1932 Hey Newbie, John Steeele here. Please be quiet, I'm trying to rust in peace. 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1933 What, exactly, are you proposing? 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1934 I like stand up better 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1935 Hey! didn't the Minister said till death due us part? 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1936 Even in death, I can't escape my mother-in-law. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1937 Well hello hello ! I never thought I would see you again, dear son in law. 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1938 Frank I know you're new but it's Monday. Fridays are for formal wear. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1939 Okay, okay already. Next time I'll eat my spinach. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1940 I’m rooting for you! 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1941 Do you have a vase I can borrow? 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1942 Hey, I’m not a crook 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1943 Try to remember, its Rest In Peace, not Roust, Ingratiate and Patronize. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1944 Don't fret, look at the bright side, now you now you_have the time to stop and smell the roses. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1945 ...but what about the emails? 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1946 Don't get too attached to me. I'm working on a transfer. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1947 @#!$% time machine! 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1948 Killer bouquet, dude! 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1949 Hey! It’s been way too long! 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1950 We're just tubing the River Styx, man. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1951 Hi.. Where do I put my Clothes? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1952 So anyway, it all began when my mother just couldn't decide what to name me... 1.1852 0.04948 108 94 8 6
1953 You had your chance 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1954 We were both drop dead gorgeous. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1955 Just because we got married in real life doesn't mean I want to be roommates now. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1956 You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1957 This is not what I had in mind when we took out a Mort-gauge on these plots. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1958 I don’t care if you lost those extra pounds, I am still not interested. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1959 Plastic actually, but they are life-like, aren't they? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1960 I'm not dead, yet. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1961 I paid extra for no solicitations throughout eternity. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1962 ...so then I told them....take it or leave it. And what do you think they said... 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1963 Of all the loonies.. right beside a Wimbledon streaker.. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1964 Aww, come on! I always get stuck with the worst neighbors! 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1965 Thanks, but I have nothing to put them in. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1966 Somebody kill me." 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1967 Maybe if I ignore him he will just go away 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1968 If they're fresh what are you doing with them? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1969 "Why me?" "Because you voted for Trump!" 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1970 No peace wherever I go. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1971 I thought you had guts 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1972 My new neighbor acts nice but I think they have skeletons. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1973 Sorry honey. I came down empty handed. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1974 I wonder what the return policy on this suit is. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1975 Love never dies. 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1976 THEN my analyst said... 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1977 Try spinning! 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1978 All I said was, 'Great, now, we have a trusted ally in Russia.' 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1979 It's too late,Meredith. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1980 The no carb diet really works! 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1981 No bones about it, you must be new here 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1982 Welcome, I bet you didn't think I would lose the weight. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1983 You have an eternity to get comfortable. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1984 I just got here so back off. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1985 What the hell? I was supposed to be buried facing down over Marilyn Monroe! 1.1852 0.04948 108 94 8 6
1986 Hey! We call this the adjustment period. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1987 Are you still ghosting me? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1988 What no lid, no privacy? 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1989 I miss the "death do us part" already. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1990 Oh, hi honey...um...I see you finally lost the weight. 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1991 He said he didn't meddle! 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1992 Give me three. 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
1993 Sorry I missed my therapy appointment last week.” 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1994 I don't understand. I gotta wait til All Souls Day for our neighbors to liven up a little. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1995 we don't really do stand up down here... 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1996 Welcome to the before and after 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1997 You were my twin once, and you will be again, soon... 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1998 Welcome. Let me be the first to invite you to our weekly soul-cial. 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
1999 Sorry, I didn't bring my cell phone. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2000 Don't worry. Give it a few years and you'll get used to it. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2001 What does he not get about "in peace"? 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
2002 This is NOT Resting In Peace. 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
2003 Finally, I get some respect. 1.1852 0.03979 108 89 18 1
2004 Can someone explain why I feel like death warmed over? 1.1852 0.03755 108 88 20 0
2005 Can I help it if I am better preserved than you... 1.1835 0.03946 109 90 18 1
2006 After over 200 years, Benedict Arnold finally gets some company. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
2007 I said I’d sell my soul to be dead-handsome — the hyphen should go without saying! 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
2008 We have too much dead air in here! 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2009 Late night humorists once POTUS gets his way. 1.1810 0.04838 105 91 9 5
2010 I'm sorry, but I'm really not into the Goth look. 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2011 Welcome! If you had arrived a few years ago, we could have passed for twins. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2012 You forgot to empty the dish washer! 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2013 you got a magazine? 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2014 Hey buddy,which way to the river Styx? 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2015 shhh, I told you that I'm trying to keep a low profile here. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2016 Thanks for the gesture, Floyd, I just can’t deal with anything right now. It’s all so confusing. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2017 Stop complaining. You may be hot, but I was naked at my wake. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2018 Welcome.its casual Friday here everyday 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2019 From here to eternity 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2020 Great, they put me in the nudist area. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2021 Howdy, and welcome to the neighborhood. You'll like it. Been here a long time myself. 1.1792 0.03976 106 88 17 1
2022 Hey, relax. You're going to be here awhile. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2023 British Colonial Rule welcomes new casualty, being buried alive... American Democracy 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2024 You have to learn to relax. 1.1792 0.03743 106 87 19 0
2025 You mean 'looks ain't everything and it's what's inside of you that counts'" 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2026 Keep them,I don’t like flowers 1.1792 0.03976 106 88 17 1
2027 Where's the eternal peace? The kids never got over the divorce. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2028 Heyya! It's cute how you're still upset by the last 24-hour news cycle. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2029 Wassup? 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2030 They're lovely but I seem to have lost my wallet. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2031 Hey shut up! Trying to get some eternal peace here. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2032 Hey mister! Got a light? 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2033 I'm telling you, cutting taxes will enable the economy to grow enough to pay for everything! 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2034 Charades? I dig it! 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2035 Reduce In Peace? I really don't like this diet! 1.1792 0.04795 106 92 9 5
2036 You would wear a suit, wouldn't you! 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2037 Donald! Donald! Hey! It's me, Jimmy, Jimmy Buchanan. What's up buddy? Welcome to the bottom! 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2038 OK,OK,if there's no Wifi,I guess I'll have to converse with a real live person. Or not. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2039 I know I'm the new guy, but the social scene is pretty dead down here, right? 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2040 You don’t get it. ‘Never nude’ neans NEVER! 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2041 They are lovely---you shouldn't have. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2042 Even in death she won't leave me alone. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2043 How can I tweet without my phone? 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2044 Hey, baby, sure I remember you, it's me, Donald 1.1792 0.04795 106 92 9 5
2045 Hey Frankie, you've turned into some kind of underground nudist, or something? 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2046 Hillary! Look on the bright side. Now you don't have to be tired all the time. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2047 I'd like us to get to know each other a little bit first....Then we could maybe talk about going out....I mean up...together." 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2048 I died for beauty but was scarce adjusted in the tomb When one who died for truth was lain in an adjoining room... And so, as kinsmen met a night, We talked between the rooms, Until the moss had reached our lips, And covered up our names. (Dickinson) 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2049 you're dead 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2050 But I was looking for open concept 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2051 No, I am not interested in essential oils. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2052 Welcome to Helsinki, Komrade. Welcome to Death! Amerika. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2053 You're going to get that money over my dead body 1.1792 0.04979 106 93 7 6
2054 How can I rest in peace if you won't shut up about Hillary's emails?? 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2055 Now serving number 47. Number 47? 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2056 So much for finally getting to disconnect... 1.1792 0.03743 106 87 19 0
2057 Mister Interlocuter and Mister Bones can't bury their differences. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2058 Look...stop me if you've heard this one before. I don't want to bore you to death ...! 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2059 Am I coming or going? 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2060 We've got to quit meeting like this. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2061 Give it a few years.. you'll shed those extra pounds in no time! 1.1776 0.04753 107 93 9 5
2062 Welcome! It only gets better- I promise! 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2063 He was a nightmare in ephemerality, now I’m stuck being his accountant for eternity. 1.1776 0.04160 107 90 15 2
2064 How can I explain why I'm in purgatory and you aren't? 1.1776 0.03942 107 89 17 1
2065 Don't tell me. I invented Taphophobia. 1.1776 0.04564 107 92 11 4
2066 Hey! Hey, you got a cigarette? 1.1765 0.04041 102 85 16 1
2067 Hi honey, where have you been? 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2068 So then I said, "Lincoln in the Bardo"--what a bunch of crap. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2069 I’m not dead yet! Stop waving at me. 1.1765 0.04909 102 89 8 5
2070 It looks hard at first. But by the time of your great grandkids, you too will be an expert at rolling. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2071 Decompose the suit and stay a while. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2072 You have my condolences. 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2073 No thanks, I already have two 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2074 Would you please quit shaking dem dry bones! 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2075 Who's there to tickle my funny bone now? 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2076 You didn't need to get so dressed up. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2077 Can't a guy get some peace and quiet around here? 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2078 Why don’t you go fly a kite? 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2079 Oh Darling, I've been waiting so long for you. 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2080 The tombstone says rest in peace. Leave me alone. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2081 Hi!, welcome to the neighborhood! Thanks, but I had no intention on moving in this soon. 1.1759 0.04525 108 93 11 4
2082 Who would have thought no one would come to my funeral? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2083 Are you done yet? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2084 Fine, I’ll give you credit for social X-ray but I need my white suit back 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2085 Why would I want the flowers back mom?! 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2086 Please Pass the Poupon. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2087 'Okay, okay, I'm sorry I forgot to put roses on your grave 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2088 Of all the luck! I'm buried next to Larry who, since childhood, always had a creepy crush on me. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2089 Even in death I can't get away from her? 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2090 Remember Larry,we always said 'til death do us part". 1.1748 0.03760 103 85 18 0
2091 Darling, you know I love the time we spend together. I'm just not looking for something long term right now. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2092 I told you hell was not full yet. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2093 I forgot that you were allergic to roses. Sorry. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2094 Wave if you can see me. 1.1748 0.03760 103 85 18 0
2095 Welcome. Yeah, we all thought we weren’t supposed to be here when we were new. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2096 Welcome! No, this can't be right! 1.1748 0.05056 103 91 6 6
2097 Don't worry! I wouldn't dare because I am fully aware of #MeToo! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2098 Some of us are trying to rest in peace, over here. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2099 Hello Eternal Neighbor. Hope you're not too claustrophobic. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2100 Why did a pay for the family plan? What was I thinking? How was I supposed to know it included mother-in-laws? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2101 I was going to be cremated, but I'm afraid of fire 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2102 This will be your first bad news story you can't reverse! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2103 Howdy neighbor! How can I make your stay more restful and peaceful? 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2104 You look like a lively one. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2105 Here's where you find your inner self. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2106 But honey, I thought it was only ’til death do us part. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2107 What a RIP! 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2108 Stop it. I got remarried twice since 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2109 Welcome to your death bed! I am your tour guide 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2110 Something tells me I’m overdressed! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2111 I just can’t tell if I’m coming or going! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2112 What can I say. It grows on you. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2113 Okay, okay...leave me one of your tracts. Then leave me the hell alone. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2114 Can't you read?! 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2115 R.I.P., Jeff! R.I.P! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2116 Yeah, sure, gramps. It's just as great to see you again. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2117 I guess you could say I’m a chatterbox. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2118 With that degenerate next-door, I have a sinking feeling I am not going to get much rest and peace. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2119 I'll never get away from my mother-in-law! 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2120 Don't worry - The freshman 15 is inevitable ! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2121 Hey Buddy, I know you're cold but can't you read the tombstone? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2122 Anybody down here get satellite? 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2123 Will you stop bragging about your tattoos? The past is the past, dude. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2124 Oh great! He'll probably never stop talking. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2125 We're all pretty sore. But we try not to vent. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2126 You might have tried ringing the bell rather than waving like that. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2127 What about the "till death do us part" business? 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2128 Flowers ? Really ? Maybe next year some clothes for a birthday gift, whaddya think ? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2129 Would you PLEASE stop that! I'm trying to get some eternal rest. 1.1748 0.05056 103 91 6 6
2130 I know my policy didn't cover this suit. What do they think, I'm still made of money? 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2131 I’m sorry, I’m not ready to be social. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2132 The LongGoodbye 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2133 Let me tell you, my agent's been lying down on the job. "Hey, how'm I supposed do stand-up in here?" 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2134 Welcome to the neighborhood, I was buried and rotted here. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2135 This afterlife sucks. Where's my beautiful, beautiful Sylvia? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2136 Maybe it's time to slow down and smell the roses. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2137 Don't try to get on my good side. I know you asked for separate coffins when you made the reservation. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2138 And I asked to be cremated. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2139 How is it that Mr. Bones over there has more life than me? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2140 R.I.P" RIP what? Paper, Fabric...? 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2141 I thought it was just a Jeep thing. This is gonna be hell. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2142 Are you going to do that for the rest of eternity? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2143 You know Harold, we could do a public service announcement "Always suit up before you jump her bones." 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2144 So much has changed in 15 years Helen. I'm not the same man and you?...well your all bones now, and I'm...not feeling it! 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2145 Harry from Accounts says hello 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2146 Welcome! 7 Billion more and the earth will begin to heal! 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2147 I asked for a private burial! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2148 "Hey, remember the skeleton crew you never paid?" 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2149 It was a rhetorical question 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2150 Should have opted for cremation - that burial insurance really put me in the hole. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2151 No, I didn't bring any Vitamin D! What, you think I planned this? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2152 This is ridiculous, we really can't go back up from here? 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2153 That suit will soon be swimming on you. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2154 Gee Honey, you’re looking well! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2155 Are you flirting with the new guy? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2156 Hey, Friday's are business casual! 1.1748 0.05241 103 92 4 7
2157 You new here? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2158 Hi Joe. Didn't you know that 15 min could have saved you 15% or more on After Life Insurance? Don't be like Joe. Call GOD CO. Now 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2159 Looks like “till death do us part” is going to take longer than you hoped for. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2160 Look at this cheap suit they put me in! No worries, soon you will look like me. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2161 Make no bones about it, this coffin way too small. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2162 I’m sticking to “til death do us part”, not “now and forever”. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2163 I think it's too soon... 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2164 Which part of rest in peace do you not get? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2165 Where is my agent?! I don't work with old people! 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2166 You’re not helping me make death great again! 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2167 Hey.., trying to get some rest here! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2168 This is so unsuitable. I was a blue jeans kind of guy. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2169 My loving wife never told me what happened to her first husband. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2170 Let me tell ya, this whole afterlife thing, it's gonna be huge! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2171 Hi, clothes are optional here! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2172 Welcome to the neighborhood! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2173 I guess I didn't hide all my skeletons in the closet and that I'm going to Hell in a casket. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2174 I told you I wouldn't wait forever 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2175 Bro," he said, "I'm not going out like everyone else. I'm going to live a life of adventure. Sadly I died without finding what happened to him. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2176 They had to bury me next my insurance salesman. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2177 Looks like they forgot to leave the coins for the Styx crossing for you too. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2178 a trump what's up" 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2179 'I had the #f* right-of-way?' That's all you got? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2180 Come on, you are supposed to be resting. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2181 OK ! Now what happens? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2182 Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2183 Relax! The first 20 days are the worst. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2184 Hi, I'm Nixon's presidency, pleased to meet you, Trump. Did you dig that yourself? 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2185 Stop Please! Your Killing Me! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2186 Hello!! It's casual Friday, bub. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2187 Oh, NOW you give them to me. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2188 She's a dead ringer for his ex-wife. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2189 You either feed your memorial guests sandwiches or get a coffin top they said. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2190 I know who you are, we bought these together. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2191 If you constantly wave like this, you'll stave off rigor mortis! 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2192 Sorry. I don't know what to tell you. Maybe fake it until you make it? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2193 We've reached death; can we part? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2194 Come on Bobby, this is why I moved out of the house." 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2195 You're not Russian, are you? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2196 How come Styx and stones didn’t break your bones? 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2197 Hey Bob! Hey Bob! BOB! Damn, that rigor mortis has really set in there. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2198 Try leaving well enough alone. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2199 'Will you just let me rest in peace!" 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2200 These tombstones are false advertising... 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2201 For the last time -- no, that casket doesn't make you look fat! 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2202 Just gimme the bare bones. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2203 Where can I hang this suit? It's killing me. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2204 The Grave's a Fine and Quiet Place....Not 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2205 'What happened to death do us part?' he said to his nagging former wife. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2206 No thank you. I'm on a liquids-only diet. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2207 You're interupting the PEACE! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2208 I think it's time you stop dieting. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2209 Hey! Will you please stop whining about the death of white male hegemony! 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2210 My condolences to your family... 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2211 Some cheapskate gave me plastic flowers. The same one must have given you that suit. 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2212 This is it? I was really looking forward to eternal damnation. 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2213 It’ll be an eternity before I catch up with the Boneses. 1.1731 0.04820 104 91 8 5
2214 Every move you make, Every leg you break, "Every story you fake, Till your last burned steak "I'll be watching you. 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2215 So, buddy, what's happened in politics since 2014? 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2216 Okay! Five syllables, I got it. How long does this game of charades of yours go on? 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2217 Well, at least I'll finally lose a few pounds. 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2218 Now, you've all met my next guest.... 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2219 hey sexy - u married?" "just got divorced yesterday - not a good time... 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2220 Oh great, I just want some peace and quiet. 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2221 DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE BORED! 1.1731 0.04820 104 91 8 5
2222 Just when you thought things couldn't get worse, they decided to burry me next to "them, they, she/he." 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2223 Did I not meet the deadline? 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2224 Cheap kids! I had no idea they would put me next to my ex-wife! 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2225 HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO ROT? 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2226 Hey, you're early! 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2227 Groupies never die. 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2228 Don't take it personally but I just ended a relationship. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2229 Why don't you go back to my closet where you belong! 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2230 I thought Limbo was a dance, too. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2231 Hey,can't I just expect a little peace? 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2232 Everyone said I'll be better off dead, and so I tired it. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2233 Cheer up fella...it could be worse. 1.1700 0.03775 100 83 17 0
2234 I don't get it, the will specifically called for seersucker ! 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2235 I'm sorry, but I'm bone tired and just want some rest. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2236 Afraid to meet the new neighbor, because he had no guts. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2237 As a fellow attorney, I'd suggest that you rest your case. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2238 Can a handsome gentleman just rest in PEACE?! 1.1700 0.03775 100 83 17 0
2239 I find fresh flowers and a new lid help defeat this Industrial Modernist boxiness. 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2240 You heard me wrong. I said "I'm so hungry I couldn't die" 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2241 Oh oh, let me say it -- "Puttin' on the Ritz!" 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2242 I can't catch a break! 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2243 Martha, I told you I'm busy. 1.1700 0.04935 100 88 7 5
2244 So get this—I shit you not—GEORGE BURNS ends up buried next to me and I’m waving harder than the fucking Queen of England but he still can’t see me through the two coffins and all the dirt between us…and so yeah that’s how I dislocated my elbow, doc. 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2245 You again?! With the smile and the cheery waves! 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2246 So this is where fired press secretaries go. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2247 Okay, okay, so you’re killing it old school! 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2248 Okay, what if Company A only sold a DMO dental plan but carried extended eye care.... 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2249 Buchanan?! Get out of here with that, this guy’s way worse! How long you been dead? Ahhh whatever. Least I don’t have to hear him any more. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2250 Thanks for the warm greeting, but I want us to get ready for two jackasses from the New Yorker, David Remnick and the truly awful Amy Sorkin. 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2251 It doesn't end!!! 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2252 -"To make a long story short ..." -"Why bother?" 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2253 Great, I'm stuck with a chatterbox until they build an apartment block. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2254 Hey big boy. Why don't you slip out of that skin and stay awhile? 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2255 Is yours rent controlled? 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2256 Welcome neighbor. Just so you know, the suit is the first thing to go.” Cyndi Bloom Boca Raton,FL. cyndibloom65@me.co 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2257 Mom! I am wearing a jacket! 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2258 I hear what you're saying. But, vampires never wave back. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2259 And so I said, "I can't accept your apology until you accept me as an immortally self-absorbed wind bag." 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2260 Hi there friend! Look, who doesn't need some After-Life insurance. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2261 ''Have you read Lincoln in the Bardo?" 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2262 No, no, let me finish, one minute I was translating, and the next thing I knew I was here! 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2263 13 years of school, 4 years of college, 3 years of masters, and 15 years at the corporate office? I bet it was all worth it! 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2264 Right here, near my grave, let’s hear it for Red Skelton! Red..” “God Bless and good night, Ed. 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2265 And just last week I thought all the goodbyes were a drag. 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2266 I thought she said go fly a CAT...... 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2267 Hey Donny, it's your mother, make sure to wash behind your ears down here. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2268 Can someone read the tombstone and confirm a gender? 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2269 Jesus,Earl. Leave me alone. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2270 I appreciate the offer: can you send them by instant burrowing? 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2271 It's alive, it's alive, it's alive! 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2272 My lean baby/She's so slim/Five feet seven/of Bones and Skin... 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2273 For the last time, I have no WiFi. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2274 Hey Rip! My name is Rip 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2275 Now just lay you down to sleep. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2276 I'm tired of your "bone direction" joke, dad. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2277 When they told me I have a face only a mother could love, I definitely wasn’t expecting this. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2278 You always did " kill " with that material in your act. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2279 I just got here - I don't feel like doing the wave! 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2280 Hi neighbor! Gee it's been a while since I've seen anyone. What's been going on out there in the last 50 years? Did they ever make anything useful out of computers? Do people still make good rock and roll music? How'd space travel ever pan out? 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2281 Heaven or Hell, Judgement Day can't come soon enough. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2282 You must not have signed up for the American plan. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2283 Rest in Peace! Really??? 1.1667 0.03708 102 85 17 0
2284 I still can't get a moment of peace. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2285 Wow!, great embalming job. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2286 Nag, nag, nag! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2287 How do you like the new digs? (from Chris Berryman, La Canada, CA) 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2288 Let me get in and settled first before we chat. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2289 They promised ‘until death do us part’ 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2290 That's a great suit! The worms are gonna love it! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2291 But everybody said I 'm nothing like my father! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2292 Where's the parting? I signed up for parting at death. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2293 All I did was click "Dowload Low"! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2294 I _told_ them I was allergic to those things! 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2295 I'd like to get settled before I make new friends. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2296 This sucks. They buried me in the wrong suit, and now I'm getting hit on by a skeleton. 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2297 I don't remember signing up for the "afterlife option" on that dating site. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2298 Is this some sort of a joke? 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2299 If you're waiting to be taken to a better place - trust me, you'll be waiting a while 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2300 Peace?! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2301 Flowers for my President 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2302 They buried the wrong guy. I was still talking. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2303 Welcome to the deadborhood! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2304 So what if I remarried? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2305 Next time don't request Charity in lieu of Flowers. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2306 It's a living! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2307 Didn’t you ever read “Grave Expectations”? 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2308 No thanks. I always said, 'I'll sleep when I'm dead,' and I'm sticking to it 1.1649 0.03788 97 81 16 0
2309 Words have consequences. Especially in a medical directive. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2310 So many activities! It's making my head spin. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2311 No, I don't want to come over and check out your upholstery. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2312 Hey bro! Still remember me? 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2313 Which one of our divorce attorneys screwed the paperwork up on this part of the property division? 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2314 Could I bother you for a vase and some water? 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2315 Buck up Matey, we're gonna stump the caption judges as much as readers are stumped by New Yorker cartoons and captions. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2316 Am I dead, or do you just have an extreme case of anorexia? 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2317 Oh, she didn't know I remarried! What would happen when my new wife joins us here---? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2318 I was annoyed at first, too, that my casket doesn’t have a lid, but then I realized it makes it that much easier to stalk the earth haunting hapless victims. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2319 This is just a skeleton of what I expected. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2320 Hey friend, wake up and smell the roses! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2321 Hey,​ sexy! You're looking good, especially considering you haven't even started decomposing. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2322 I hate to be the one to tell you, but I never did get my pizza order. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2323 This is NOT fake news 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2324 What's shaken? You're still in costume. 1.1649 0.03788 97 81 16 0
2325 Hi! You must be the new neighbor! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2326 Ah man, we vowed to part at death. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2327 Even in death the insurance salesman is cold-calling me 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2328 Hey there! Looking for a good tax shelter? 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2329 It's just... I JUST felt the kiss of death and I don't think I'm ready to move on yet. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2330 Hey! First day? Looks like you missed the memo about casual Friday! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2331 Oh, now she decides to lose weight. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2332 Do you want these flowers back? I prefer chocolates. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2333 I know, I know, I know! You insulted Putin too. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2334 Enough," I said 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2335 Sigh, new neighbors are so friendly until they see my stuffed cat collection. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2336 No, no, let me finish: it's simply not possible to be 'mansplained to death'. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2337 Is he waving goodbye or hello ! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2338 I told them I was just a suit” 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2339 But who would want to live to be a hundred? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2340 Stop whining and decompose yourself. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2341 What part of "I'm a ISFP personality" does he not understand? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2342 He's still an annoying neighbor. 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2343 Helsinki Summit 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2344 Please, I just came here to get some peace and quiet. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2345 I usually bake a cake for new neighbors, but I ran out of flour. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2346 Welcome to the neighborhood, pal 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2347 Dude. DUDE! Enough about this Meuller guy. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2348 not even till death do us part, sheesh! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2349 We have a really big show tonight. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2350 Hey, “until death do us part”, that was all I signed up for! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2351 Anyone got a cigarette? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2352 It's not so bad. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2353 How old would you be had you lived ? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2354 I'd rather be eaten by bugs. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2355 Damn, I'm still overweight! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2356 First draft: "The Waving Dead" 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2357 Stop rattling your bones, and let me rest in peace. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2358 Don't know, maybe it's the anti-aging creams. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2359 Who would have thought smoking six packs a day would kill me? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2360 You couldn't get rid me that easy Harry! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2361 Look, I didn't know that skin was against the dress code here, okay? 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2362 Trust me: After awhile it won't feel so cramped. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2363 How many times do we have to go through this? I am not trying to drag this case out. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2364 You're way overdressed... 1.1649 0.03788 97 81 16 0
2365 I dunno - maybe you're too skinny for me. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2366 Howdy, freshman! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2367 Yoo hoo, Jeffrey! It's Mr. Davies, your fourth grade teacher! Look how well you've done for yourself, even though you had such a hard time with fractions! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2368 Our relationship has never been worse than it is now, however that changed as of about four hours ago. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2369 Does anyone question my dying loyalty? 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2370 Do I look like a guy in a Pixar film? 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2371 Obamacare Death Squads..... Who'da thought it ?..... 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2372 Jimbo- It's me - Cousin Henry 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2373 Hi neighbor 1.1649 0.03788 97 81 16 0
2374 But her emails! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2375 I'll have to decline, I'm buried with work. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2376 Don't fret. It's just a matter of time. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2377 Take my wife, PLEASE! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2378 Yakkitty-yak, yakkitty -yak!... this endless talk is killin’ me 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2379 Is it against the law to like a good set of bones on a woman? 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2380 Mom stop! I can’t call my shrink from here 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2381 Sorry I don't play Mah Jongg 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2382 Now you offer me flowers! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2383 How can anyone rest in peace with you rattling all them dry bones? 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2384 Osteolibido. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2385 Have we met before? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2386 It happened so fast--I was at a Summit--where were you 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2387 No thanks, I'm going for zombie status. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2388 Thank you, but I need at least a hundred years before another relationship. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2389 It's time for you to bury your feelings for me! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2390 Gone, but not fuhgottenabout. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2391 Whataya know? I still got it! 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
2392 I’m taking tax fraud to a new level.” “But who’s gonna dig you out?” “The government, of course. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2393 Those are dead. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2394 I'm not ready to do this full-time. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2395 Wait, I'm a newscaster. The "other side" is after a commercial. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2396 Like they say, "Better late than never." 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2397 Can't a guy get buried alive in peace anymore? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2398 Well I still can't tell you even though I said I'd take it to the grave. 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
2399 Proof life after death exists. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2400 Marley, is that you? 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2401 I thought I was suited for heaven. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2402 Howdy! I'm Bones. What's your handle? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2403 Good luck, I am still waiting for a callback from AirBnB customer service. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2404 I’m trying to rest in peace! 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2405 Ugh, you're chatty. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2406 Oh geeze, my agent didn't mention the annoying neighbor. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2407 If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times – I don't need life insurance anymore! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2408 Now I can finally Rest In Peace! 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
2409 Yoo hoo! I'm dying for a cigarette! 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2410 You should’ve gone with the polyester. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2411 I'm supposed to be resting in peace and so are you. 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
2412 I moved here for the peace and quiet. Instead, the chair of the garden committee wants me to help fertilize their tree. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2413 I know. I know. A corpse. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2414 You're lucky. You'll keep your nice suit. I'm buried under a real clothes tree! 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
2415 I don't know any Juliet! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2416 Hello neighbor! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2417 I'm not the only one who's flipped my lid. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2418 Of course, I get seated next to the guy without any pants. 1.1596 0.05085 94 84 5 5
2419 Hey buddy, you want to be my friend? I'll be your friend. Been dying here, if you know what I mean. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2420 Come on that’s the first time I have seen a dead man offering more than one hand . What are you? From out of space? 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2421 What was the weather like up there? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2422 Ah nuts...still here! Seems like ‘Immortal Attraction’ would have been a less misleading film title... 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2423 peace" in our time 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2424 Look lady, give it a rest - besides the obvious age difference, I want a woman with a little meat on her bones.... 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2425 Be a smug bastard. I've got cryogenics 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2426 Hey neighbor, don't despair. Trust the process. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2427 I’m the one dressed up. Why is he so happy? 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2428 I'm a member of Congress I was asleep at my desk, along with most of my pals, and suddenly . . . 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2429 Buddy just because I'm dead doesn't mean I wanna talk to you even though you're a fucking sick-ass skeleton. 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
2430 You are not in Congress anymore. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2431 Man: Great, buried alive! I could have stopped this, I was and still am alive! Pathetic, only a moron dies this way. Skeleton: Hello, I can hear every word you're saying! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2432 Is it safe to come up now? 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2433 I knew I’d take this romance to the grave... 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2434 Wish I had known naked and open casket was an option! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2435 Hey honey ! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2436 This is like flying. We used to have more space. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2437 STOP! All I want is peace and quiet. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2438 You took my best, so why not take the rest.....BULLSHIT!!! 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2439 I don't have to take this. This is my plot. Stop looking at me from afar and trying to engage in small talk or I am going to call the police. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2440 Mildred, you know I'm allergic to flowers. You'll be the death of me. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2441 This time flowers donyorker.com/cartoons/contest?mbid=nl_Humor%20071718&CNDID=43105533&spMailingID=1 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2442 Sorry, man... I just got here myself. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2443 Louis, it’s mom. I’m so disappointed you won’t be coming with the children this weekend. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2444 Even in death, I can't get away from you. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2445 A REALLY BIG show tonight, including Skeets Mcgillicutty playing the bones! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2446 Well it's not great to see you again! 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2447 In suburban cemeteries,even death doesn't separate you from your neighbors. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2448 Look, this is what happens. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2449 I am president of the USA! They can't do this to me! 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2450 If only you let me bite your neck back in the day ..... 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2451 When you finally break through, come get me.... 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2452 I told you I'm not here to make friends! 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2453 Finally, some me time. 1.1579 0.04807 95 84 7 4
2454 "Welcome neighbor, you're not gonna really need a jacket after 6 pm. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2455 Yeah, I hear ya. Well, you might have been incel in life, but how about you start off death inskel? 1.1579 0.04807 95 84 7 4
2456 Hey new guy, welcome to the neighborhood 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2457 Thanks for the flowers, but I look good because they stuffed & dressed me, not you. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2458 Two stiffs walk into a bar. Ouch! Ouch!" "Stop...you're killin me. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2459 Keep them. They go great with your clavicle. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2460 You are such a show-off. Not everyone has decomposed yet. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2461 This Corporate Mindfulness Training sis a bit macabre. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2462 They’re not daisies but... Go for it!!! 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2463 I like the way I look. George Zimmer guaranteed it. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2464 Why do I always attract the skinny ones? 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2465 Sorry lady, I am just not into the whole cougar thing. 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
2466 I’m not sure I’m ready for the welcome wagon quite yet. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2467 Okay, okay, I know the tie doesn’t match. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2468 I told the wife, It's not my fault. Women love men in a suit 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
2469 Bad news--you bought the farm without pre-approval from the bank 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2470 Hello from the other side (Adele) 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2471 It took you a while but here's your bouquet back. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2472 Here you go big spender. Welcome to purgatory! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2473 Even here I can't lose weight-what's your secret ? 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
2474 So I take it meal deliveries aren't reliable. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2475 You should take your clothes off now - they won’t fit for long. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2476 The trick to staying alive is wanting to die. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2477 Sorry. I'm late. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2478 Well, there goes the neighborhood. 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
2479 I’m an attorney and I’m not dead either. Who’s in on a clas action suit? 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2480 And, the weight loss is permanent. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2481 Oh, hey! HEY!!! Welcome neighbor! I've been waiting for someone to move in! There's sooo much to catch up on if you have the time! 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2482 Sorry; my first wife was also the girl next door. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2483 Boss knows there ‘s a plot alongside Tony, Sal and Paulie, and he puts me next to Liberace. Mamma Mia! 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2484 Hey man, I don't date other corpses. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2485 Hi Pal...Don't despair. I tried to get recognition for my New Yorker caption submissions and never got a response either! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2486 There are neighbors down here too?! I would kill to have that tree in MY yard. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2487 Welcome to the only Guaranteed no-Trump Zone! 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
2488 Going my Way? 1.1522 0.03765 92 78 14 0
2489 Hi, you must be new in ground. 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
2490 Welcome home 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
2491 Damn it! I told them I wanted the blue suit! 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
2492 Got a cigarette 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
2493 Now I get why Shavasana is the hardest yoga pose! 1.1522 0.03765 92 78 14 0
2494 He made no bones about disliking chatty neighbors. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
2495 trick or treat 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
2496 The priest lied, he said "tell death due us part" 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2497 Come on man, stop moaning and take the hint. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2498 what time is it 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2499 I tried to swipe left! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2500 I don't like the terms of this pre-lease. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2501 Now you aren//www.newyorker.com/cartoons/contest#thisweek?reload=true 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2502 How long before I am picked to the bones? 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2503 Only my wife would dress me in my best suit!!? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2504 Don't worry--you'll soon be in fashion. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2505 Eh...Is it Caitlyn or Bruce? 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2506 GOD! THIS is why I directed my attorney to bury me in my stretch limo. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2507 Just great. Surrounded by cougars. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2508 I have to take a presser in the afterlife? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2509 I've had good "work done." 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2510 They all told me I was on a 'diet to die for' " 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2511 I’m just not ready for a commitment. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2512 It's so nice of you to gift me with flowers, but I told you that you would lose the weight, all by yourself! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2513 It appears I'm getting an unexpected second opinion. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2514 That's it! No more blind dates! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2515 Hi...Great timing... TGIF (thank God its forever!) 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2516 Does this have anything to do with Harvey Weinstein? 1.1477 0.04992 88 79 5 4
2517 Stop complaining. The Walking Dead throw great parties - and you'll meet interesting people. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2518 It's welcome to the underground. All dressed up and no place to go! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2519 My name is Red Skeleton and I disapprove this cartoon! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2520 Hey, do you validate parking? 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2521 Exactly, then I choked! 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2522 For the last time, I don't want any life insurance... 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2523 Hi, I'm Edgar Allan Poe. What's your name? 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2524 I guess that’s why they say: « live fast, die young and leave a good-looking corpse. » 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2525 Oh, I didn't mean this nineteenth hole! 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2526 I can't accept, my wife will kill me. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2527 What took you so long? 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2528 Boy this business is rough, I'm retelling ya... One minute I'm dying on the stage at Sir Yuks A lot next thing, my audience is reduced to a conversation starved Shelly Winters...a lotta woman. Now she's skin and bones minus the skin! Sheesh! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2529 There was no mention of creepy neighbors. Alright, this is the last time I book on NoAirBnB. 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2530 - I thought there's an afterlife.. - ditto! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2531 Hello there, my son! Your boss fired you, isn't it? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2532 No .. No .. I'm not really dead..!! I play a character on the "Young & the Restless" and I'll be back in a few weeks. 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2533 I knew you were at that nude beach that day! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2534 Why did I have to insist upon an open-casket burial, anyway? 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2535 I’m not arguing with a has- bin 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2536 We're not on Facebook anymore, Harry. Would you give it a rest already? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2537 Please! I need six more feet! 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2538 Your fifty minutes are up!!!!!!!! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2539 Im sorry. I’m just not physically attracted to you. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2540 Our lawyer said we should bury everything... 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2541 They said this networking event wasn't as lively as others. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2542 Yak, yak, yak, put q lid on it. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2543 Long time no see. We need to get together more often. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2544 You take ONE nap... 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2545 What? No Facebook? 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2546 Who else feels like it's dead down here? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2547 In the end, "Dress for Success" didn't change things all that much for you, did it? 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2548 Be mine, till decomposition do us part. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2549 You can have my flowers Mr President. Somebody loves you! 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2550 Hey son! I told you that job would be the end of you. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2551 Such small spaces, I can't even roll over. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2552 Quiet down over there! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2553 Isn't this fun! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2554 Wish you could have seen my hot dress! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2555 I died before my time. You must be a Democrat. 1.1477 0.04992 88 79 5 4
2556 I guess i had things mixed up. I always thought the open-casket thing was temporary and that the death-deal was the thing that was permanent. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2557 Good Night, Jimmy! 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2558 Omg-will you still love me when I'm gone? 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2559 Why aren't you dead yet? 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2560 Now I know why they call it a R.I.P tide. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2561 But I thought I knew where the bodies were buried. Over here, over here. 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
2562 No no.. i get it.. Stand up straight, facing downstage. Raise your arms above your head and clap once, then lunge to the left while facing forward and moving your head blah blah blah.. ...but.. Which One Is Michael? 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
2563 Stewart! I already told you not to knock before 9am! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2564 Dave had that dream again. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
2565 Didn't quite catch that name, was it "Tex" or "Taxes"? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
2566 I only regret that I had but one life to give for my company. 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
2567 Pace! Pace! 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
2568 Trust me - I didn't even have to give up carbs. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2569 It's a really long ride! 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2570 We're good right here .... no political discussions allowed. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2571 How could I be here already? I’m only thirty-nine. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2572 So . . . we're really on this Lazy River forever? 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2573 Too rich, too thin, AND too safe? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2574 As Fate would have it, an honest politician was finally found. Sadly, he was buried alive because honesty was unacceptable, except to his biggest fan who waited years to find such a man. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2575 Sorry man - can't help you. You're the one who wanted to be under the tree with those big roots. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2576 Don't you tell me about a bone you have to pick with me, I said ‘would’ instead of ‘wouldn’t and they bury me for that? 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2577 The funeral home didn't tell me about the bare-bones option! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2578 Listen, I know you’ve spent your whole life here, and this is a great neighborhood, but I expected at least SOME light for the rent I’m paying! And the WiFi? Forget it! 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2579 When you are dead and burried you gain the ability to see through dirt. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2580 Are you gonna talk me to , uh, what's after death? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2581 Sorry, I don't date older women. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2582 Turf's up 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2583 Don't worry. This is the only diet guaranteed to work forever. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2584 For anytime the moment is right 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2585 Don’t you think it’s a little late for “I’m sorry”? 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2586 No talking ! I know the rules. I've been here longer than you. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2587 Rumored to be considering a reboot, Sullivan and Wences had this to say, “Tsaright, Tsaright.” 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2588 They're hand fashioned, yet bone dry... What took you so long? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2589 Didn't you read the headstone, man? Can't a guy actually rest in peace? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2590 This is a grave situation, I could use some help. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2591 Hey, hey, hey! Quiet down. This is Woodlawn. There are already enough gabby politicians here! 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2592 I won't be needing these! 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2593 Please stop asking if you can knock the wall down. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2594 Would you prefer the bottom bunk, then? 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2595 No I won’t be your Valentine and those were my flowers in the first place!! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2596 Aaaand they buried me next to Urkel. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2597 We have nudists here too. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2598 I'm not really dead, I'm just avoiding the news. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2599 These napping pods really are restorative, don’t you think? 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2600 Yes, I have lost weight, thank you. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2601 Oh no!I get to spend eternity next to a liberal democrat! 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2602 Hey, welcome to the neighborhood. Do you like monster trucks? I do, Grave Digger is my favorite. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2603 What did I do to deserve this? They put me next to my ex-wife. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2604 Why'd I have to get buried next to that Great Aunt I met once? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2605 Hello, I'm trying to rest in peace here? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2606 Calm down Debbie! Yes I see you waving. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2607 No bones about it..it's cold without clothes! 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2608 Sick 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2609 No respect, I tell ya.. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2610 Yes, I just moved in. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2611 Hi, I'm not into looks. I don't have eyeballs! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2612 Can a guy get some Rest In Peace and quiet around here?!? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2613 It's impossible to get a little peace and quiet these days 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2614 I can't get peace & quiet ANYWHERE! 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2615 Can't I die in peace? 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2616 I wish I had spent more time watching the Office. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2617 I’m so sick of all the crypt calling in this graveyard, just because I have flash everyone gets their bones rattling!!! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2618 Hey, I can't afford to lose that much weight. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
2619 Sure, it's easy for you to be happy -- You're rent-controlled! 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2620 Hey! Quit your complaining. You'll get used to it after awhile. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
2621 The tombstones say RIP, rest in peace, so bug off! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2622 Don’t interrupt; I’m not done! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2623 Howdy neighbor. So nice to see a fresh face. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
2624 Ok. So, it will be a little rougher on you with all the ants and termites! 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
2625 That's the last time I ghost a Bumble date. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2626 Flores por los despitados. Flores por los despitados.... 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2627 Too little, too late! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2628 Say, I was wondering when you were going to move in. Welcome to the neighborhood! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2629 I can't even Rest In Peace here!!?? 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2630 For Heaven sakes, don’t act like you now me. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2631 Don't worry. Eventually we all get back to our roots. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2632 “Welcome onboard, now layback and leave the dieting to them above.” 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2633 How am I supposed to Rest in Peace? This bonehead won't stop talking. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2634 You have to do better than flowers, John! #metoo 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2635 Two men in a boat? 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2636 Hell, no, I was Scroll and Key. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2637 Hell no I can't rest in peace, but at least I can route a piss. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2638 Oh God...Not again....I’m just gonna play dead 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2639 I'm not here to make friends or influence skeletons. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2640 Sorry about these flowers, but everything around here is bare bones. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2641 All I got was this stinking wooden box. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2642 I hate pushy neighbors. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2643 The deep state will rise and win 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2644 Dr. Tarnower, I've been dying to tell you my improvements to your Scaresdale Diet! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2645 What do I have to do, to rest in peace. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2646 I'm afraid that there is nothing else I can do. Life insurance of definitely off the table. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2647 Hey, Buddy, Your Jokes Are Killing Over Here! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2648 I've tried rolling over but can you please keep it quiet over there? 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2649 I was only following orders. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2650 The IRS said I was “creative” too. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2651 Say, hiya Irv -- haven't seen you since you were dying in the Catskills! 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2652 Trump and Pence still poised for 2064 campaign 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2653 They say skinless is healthier. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2654 This isn’t a share ride. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2655 You always had to be first at everything Mortimer. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2656 You’ve got to be kidding me, Brenda. Til death do us part. We agreed! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2657 Hi Honey! I’ve been waiting so long for you. Now we have forever together... 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2658 It’s so liberating, No tendons and ligaments to restrict me. Ron Douglas, Longmont,CO 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2659 See you later. I'm not sticking around in this hole. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2660 I can't see who you are without my glasses. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2661 That was then; this is now 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2662 You still think you’re better than me? 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2663 This is what follows being Secretary of State? 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2664 So what part of that oath didn't you understand? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2665 My clothes will be off soon enough. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2666 He’s a good guy... his wardrobe is just a little bare-bones. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2667 Would you stop the rattling, grabdma?! You should have specified you wanted to be cremated. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2668 Is there a card? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2669 Hello, don't I know you from somewhere? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2670 Did you bring any milk? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2671 Just my luck. A new friend request but no phone. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2672 I guess that line in the vows was important. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2673 How appropriate - these flowers for you are as dead as you are. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2674 Hi friend! What brings you here? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2675 I swear they said it was the Garden of Halos. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2676 Sorry, I'm not into cougars. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2677 Knock it off! I want to Rest In Peace. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2678 Alright, alright--what is it about PEACE that some of you stiffs will never get? 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2679 I've been laying here for a while wondering what it would be like to visit with the dead. Yoo-Hoo! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2680 Am I being detained? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2681 I can't do stand up comedy anymore! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2682 Honey, I am afraid to say, I am not so glad to see you! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2683 That joke is so old I saw Fatty Arbuckle tell it. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2684 Sorry, I didn't know it was a flesh-optional zone. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2685 Look, I'm not interested. I'm dead. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2686 I'm sorry, Amanda, but I've moved on. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2687 The thing above the graveyard shift is you’ve got to go down 6 floors. Other than that it’s not so bad. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2688 Hey! Guess how many fingers am I holding up? 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2689 Hey, look over here pal.I know it sucks but at least they fixed you up with a nice suit. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2690 Sorry, thought you were sleeping. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2691 Look, we’re bunkies and nothing more. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2692 Grow something more than flowers , Sweetie. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2693 Not again! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2694 It's a great place to lose weight. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2695 Because plastic is forever, honey. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2696 Hi! Is there anything I can do to not look like you? 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2697 I 'm not sure exactly why either, but I know we have always aged gracefully. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2698 Hey! Aren't you that guy from high school voted most likely to succeed? 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2699 Hiya George! Aren’t ya a bit overdressed? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2700 Sorry, I don't play gin. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2701 He's a corpse because he's dead. I like corpses that aren't dead. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2702 Hey there! You got what you deserved for voting for Trump. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2703 You can have these. When you've been down here as long as I have flowers don't hold the same meaning. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2704 Amor... E... Morte... 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2705 If you say will power one more time, I'll scream 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2706 Hey buddy what's your cell phone number? 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2707 Please! Don't go! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2708 All I did was say I didnt like the World Cup and now my best friend is a skeleton 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2709 Don't freak out! Stay with me, stay with me! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2710 As one bonehead to another, glad to have aboard! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2711 Hello from the other siiiide... 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2712 Yeah! This is a good place for the hide and seek contest. They’re still looking For me! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2713 Oh great, I presume you have another deadline. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2714 Of course I'm happy we're together again...said no one ever. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2715 EVERYONE is right post hoc about term vs. whole life! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2716 I need a few more years to get the hang of this... 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2717 Sure, Love can transcend Death, but political outrage? 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2718 I don't get it. They said "Until 120" so I took 120 vitamins a day -- and here I am. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2719 Your turn to go get the pizza. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
2720 Remarried three times, but I guess love really never dies. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2721 That's not what I call "resting in peace". 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2722 Is that your best suit? Big mistake. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2723 Just trying to be friendly to a newcomer. I'd say "suit yourself" but I see you've already done that. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2724 Don't worry, the worms and the ants are on their way! 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2725 The view from the in-ground Coffin-Cam 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2726 I am feeling very existential. Hey, over here, you are not alone! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
2727 Hey, Buddy. Sprouting wings gives everybody back spasms. You’ll be fine. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2728 Hey dude, Welcome. Here life is beautiful with no commitment. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
2729 Hello. Welcome to the deep state. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2730 no cable? 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
2731 Too shy to bare it all 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2