Contest #619


Cartoon

619

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “At least you didn't get the axe.”
  2. “No, not the sword. The test is to pull out the middle drawer.”
  3. “Arthur, if you can get it out by noon, that'd be great.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-06-10T18:42:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2018-06-24T19:07:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2018-06-18T18:42:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued June 25th, 2018
Number of captions 9719
Number of responses 867527
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 It was a very hostile takeover. 2.0433 0.00980 6029 1622 2524 1883
1 It was a very hostile takeover. 2.0429 0.00841 8348 2290 3410 2648
2 The pen is mightier, but that looks awesome. 2.0233 0.01386 2998 829 1270 899
3 If you can remove it... it means your heart is pure. But you can no longer work in sales. 1.9940 0.01007 6040 1867 2342 1831
4 I think there's been a mistake. I asked management to give him the axe. 1.9766 0.01702 2139 688 813 638
5 I thought 'willing to work knights' was just a typo. 1.9606 0.01224 4215 1416 1549 1250
6 Now we are at the last task of your interview. 1.9516 0.01170 4442 1462 1733 1247
7 Also, if you can pull the stuck page out of the copier you become the rightful Head of Finance. 1.9320 0.01124 4867 1673 1852 1342
8 No, not the sword. The test is to pull out the middle drawer. 1.9057 0.01229 4105 1484 1524 1097
9 You can have Damocles' old desk. 1.8829 0.01487 2810 1057 1025 728
10 The pen is taking it pretty hard. 1.8541 0.01172 4702 1912 1564 1226
11 Legend says only someone with a true heart will be able to remove the sword. Unfortunately, we're a law firm. 1.8368 0.01484 2948 1236 957 755
12 At least you didn't get the axe. 1.8237 0.01024 5735 2318 2110 1307
13 Oh, it slides right out. But it's a real confidence booster for the new CEO. 1.8055 0.01173 4278 1755 1600 923
14 It's definitely the sharpest thing to occupy this desk in years. 1.7998 0.01592 2373 998 852 523
15 I see my wife stopped by. 1.7684 0.01423 3087 1405 992 690
16 I preferred when they used pink slips. 1.7643 0.01154 4171 1766 1622 783
17 Thousands have tried and only one succeeded, but he didn't pass the background check. 1.7373 0.01383 3011 1366 1070 575
18 Legend has it that whoever pulls it out gets a desk with a hole in it. 1.7273 0.01366 3256 1554 1036 666
19 ... and now for the final part of your interview ... 1.7252 0.01104 4432 1974 1702 756
20 This was Arthur’s office 1.7234 0.01339 3134 1434 1133 567
21 No, YOU look under the desk. 1.7167 0.01315 3283 1529 1155 599
22 If you think his letter opener is over the top, you should see his staple remover. 1.7152 0.01644 2124 998 733 393
23 Contrary to conventional wisdom, we find it mightier than the pen. 1.7140 0.01523 2322 1052 882 388
24 the vacancy ad read"must be executive calibre" not Excalibur. 1.7131 0.01402 2998 1437 984 577
25 It must have been left here by the knight shift. 1.7049 0.01288 3504 1687 1164 653
26 Nothing here is set in stone... 1.7033 0.01567 2359 1137 785 437
27 It seems as valid a process as the electoral college. 1.6997 0.01704 2008 977 657 374
28 Yet another challenge for which you will discover your MBA is inadequate. 1.6997 0.01838 1625 763 587 275
29 Well, I guess that explains the round table in the board room. 1.6977 0.04731 258 125 86 47
30 It was a hostile takeover 1.6914 0.01883 1552 740 551 261
31 You’ll be fine, Bill. Just don’t cross your legs. 1.6879 0.03044 628 311 202 115
32 And he put a big-ass round table in the conference room. 1.6795 0.01792 1763 872 584 307
33 At Camelot Industries, we don't believe in a complicated job application process. 1.6727 0.02361 999 495 336 168
34 Well, this explains the new massive round table in the boardroom 1.6690 0.01374 2719 1297 1025 397
35 Call Arthur in maintenance. 1.6677 0.01671 2010 1009 660 341
36 If I can’t pull it out after 3 tries does it lock me out of the system? 1.6662 0.02901 683 348 215 120
37 Don't touch it--if you pull it out, they make you director of Human Resources. 1.6582 0.01312 3180 1599 1069 512
38 Unfortunately, the benefit plan is a myth as well. 1.6227 0.01676 1911 1009 614 288
39 We've installed Excel, Explorer and Excalibur for you. 1.6215 0.01834 1585 836 513 236
40 It really streamlines the interview process 1.6073 0.01914 1416 754 464 198
41 A corded telephone? This workplace is so medieval. 1.5992 0.01782 1699 935 510 254
42 Just one more step to delete your Facebook account. 1.5928 0.02296 1078 615 287 176
43 One last little thing ... and the job is yours. 1.5912 0.01682 1700 898 599 203
44 The shredder is a bit retro I'm afraid, but you don't have to plug it in. 1.5910 0.02865 621 337 201 83
45 I pulled it out, but returned it after the indictments. 1.5908 0.01756 1723 954 520 249
46 He works the knight shift. 1.5895 0.01822 1671 947 463 261
47 Make yourself at home, Arthur. 1.5894 0.02893 565 297 203 65
48 He was the knight manager. 1.5874 0.05102 206 115 61 30
49 We've simplified our new CEO search criteria. 1.5830 0.01754 1525 808 545 172
50 Don't try it. There's a substantial penalty for early withdrawal. 1.5797 0.02313 1004 569 288 147
51 We affectionately call it Deskalibur. 1.5795 0.01859 1472 814 463 195
52 When he asks you to try, just pretend like you can't get it out. 1.5683 0.01970 1251 690 411 150
53 Uh oh, Lance -- the boss knows about you and Guinevere... 1.5634 0.02194 1081 620 313 148
54 Go on, Arthur, let’s find out if you’re the guy we’re looking for 1.5624 0.02104 1145 650 346 149
55 This is the last stage of the interview, Arthur. I've got a good feeling about you. 1.5560 0.02263 1054 622 278 154
56 We've been hacked. 1.5541 0.02993 610 363 156 91
57 It’s easier than going through all those resumes. 1.5481 0.02292 925 528 287 110
58 You should see his pen. 1.5455 0.02407 913 543 242 128
59 If you can pull it out the office is yours. Plus a horse. 1.5443 0.02364 891 517 263 111
60 No one knows the password. 1.5440 0.02282 897 507 292 98
61 I liked Lance, sir. A lot. 1.5428 0.02304 877 496 286 95
62 He lived by the sword. But he died by the window. 1.5381 0.03664 394 237 102 55
63 Beats the hell out of the Myers-Briggs. 1.5366 0.02483 820 485 230 105
64 You know what? I think I'll work from home today. 1.5356 0.02340 814 458 276 80
65 Yeah, I mean they said any honest lawyer could pull it free. But... you know. 1.5353 0.02470 807 473 236 98
66 Looks like she got your email. 1.5338 0.02572 770 459 211 100
67 We'll have to get Arthur from personnel to remove it. 1.5332 0.02369 782 439 269 74
68 He's going really old school in choosing a successor. 1.5293 0.02393 752 422 262 68
69 Whosoever draws this sword from this desk shall receive a designated parking spot near the entrance. 1.5279 0.02455 735 418 246 71
70 That's Exchequer. Whoever pulls it out rules Accounting. 1.5277 0.02485 741 427 237 77
71 The new guy is asking for a round table. 1.5237 0.02617 716 427 203 86
72 There’s just one final step in your interview process... 1.5229 0.02631 700 416 202 82
73 The CEO job is as good as yours Arthur. 1.5184 0.02617 652 378 210 64
74 It's not like him to leave his laptop open. 1.5175 0.02802 659 406 165 88
75 Arthur, if you can get it out by noon, that'd be great. 1.5168 0.02639 654 383 204 67
76 Of course you get the job if you pull it out. But if you want benefits you'll need to slay a dragon, and don't even ask what you have to do to join the pension. 1.5168 0.02802 654 402 166 86
77 I personally think the laptop is mightier, but its up to you. 1.5155 0.02668 644 379 198 67
78 Well, that's about everyone. Should we let the women try? 1.5114 0.03938 350 222 77 51
79 This has 'OSHA violation' written all over it. 1.5063 0.02874 559 335 165 59
80 Call that kid Arthur in Shipping and see if he can pull it out 1.5060 0.02827 581 349 170 62
81 The job goeth to whoso pulleth out this sword, and whoso also passeth a routine drug test. 1.5052 0.02845 576 347 167 62
82 Another bad quarter and he'll get the axe. 1.5026 0.03015 567 357 135 75
83 Whosoever pulls the sword, shall control the thermostat. 1.5018 0.02875 556 335 163 58
84 It comes right out. Nobody wants the job. 1.5018 0.02966 558 345 146 67
85 Which one of the 4 items don't belong 1.5018 0.02915 560 342 155 63
86 No, it's easy to pull out. But if you do, the WiFi signal sucks. 1.4991 0.02951 545 334 150 61
87 Hey, you know Arthur who works in accounting?" "Get him up here. 1.4990 0.03055 523 324 137 62
88 We've not found a worthy occupant of this office since Arthur quit the firm. 1.4981 0.02837 538 319 170 49
89 You can come out now, Mr. President. Melania has left the building. 1.4962 0.03057 528 330 134 64
90 Tell Merlin in Personnel we may need him. 1.4960 0.02927 502 298 159 45
91 Call Arthur from accounting, it's happened again. 1.4952 0.02974 525 321 148 56
92 He didn't get the ax, but, same thing. 1.4942 0.02978 518 316 148 54
93 Sure, it’s not a stone but this is a junior position. 1.4942 0.02999 516 316 145 55
94 And if he asks you, just agree that it's mightier than a pen. 1.4942 0.03036 516 319 139 58
95 It's actually pretty easy. It's just that no-one wants the job. 1.4920 0.02846 498 291 169 38
96 I guess the meeting is cancelled. 1.4897 0.03042 435 255 147 33
97 We have a rather unique succession plan. 1.4888 0.02808 493 286 173 34
98 Yup, if not for his pen he would have been a goner. 1.4888 0.03133 489 306 127 56
99 It's the restroom key. 1.4887 0.03258 485 312 109 64
100 We're trying out new ideas for succession. This one was mentioned at our round table discussion. 1.4853 0.03054 476 291 139 46
101 Our two-factor authentication protocol is legendary. 1.4852 0.03087 472 290 135 47
102 Our screening process is legendary. 1.4839 0.03111 467 288 132 47
103 The company legend is that only the greatest backstabber will be able to remove it. 1.4826 0.03130 460 284 130 46
104 First you pull it out. Then you stick it in the backs of your employees. 1.4825 0.03303 458 294 107 57
105 If you pull it out you become CEO... but your best friend will sleep with your wife and Mordred in HR will want to see you. 1.4814 0.03160 457 284 126 47
106 Mightier in what way? 1.4813 0.03216 455 286 119 50
107 And this will be your office, once we get everything sworded out. 1.4798 0.03216 446 279 120 47
108 Sir, your wife left a note. 1.4786 0.03326 443 284 106 53
109 I know what you’re thinking. Yes, the landline is a bit old-fashioned. 1.4772 0.03161 438 270 127 41
110 We have a very thorough vetting process. 1.4771 0.02870 415 236 160 19
111 No, the guillotine is in our Paris office. 1.4770 0.03470 434 286 89 59
112 Strange, I thought he got axed. 1.4758 0.03448 414 267 97 50
113 No, I haven't tried. I don't really want to rule as King of accounts receivable. 1.4753 0.03589 324 197 100 27
114 We're having a lot of trouble filling this position. 1.4742 0.03207 426 264 122 40
115 We have a pretty simple hiring process here... 1.4731 0.03336 427 273 106 48
116 Corporate culture's a bit medieval here 1.4726 0.03211 402 245 124 33
117 This is the office for those who free-lance-a-lot. 1.4726 0.03471 402 259 96 47
118 Seriously, a memo would have sufficed. 1.4722 0.03361 396 248 109 39
119 It's our test for the corner office. 1.4713 0.02911 401 230 153 18
120 Sure the pen is mightier, but it looks way less badass. 1.4710 0.03497 414 272 89 53
121 And here we have the final step in your interview. Good luck. 1.4710 0.03344 414 263 107 44
122 Only a person without an abusive temperament, one who never covered up a corporate crime or suborned a politician, can wrench the sword free. When that person appears, trumpets will blare and security will usher him or her out of the building. 1.4709 0.03510 412 271 88 53
123 He says it's a letter opener, but I'm staying on his good side all the same. 1.4690 0.03262 403 250 117 36
124 So you really think you're the right man for the job? 1.4688 0.03117 401 241 132 28
125 We keep it here in case there is a time you need to fall on it. 1.4674 0.03362 383 239 109 35
126 Everyone else has tried, Arthur. 1.4639 0.03389 388 246 104 38
127 Well, Art, the promotion is certainly within your grasp. 1.4636 0.03638 343 219 89 35
128 We recently started casualty Friday. 1.4619 0.03667 381 255 76 50
129 We let Arthur go last year, but we're still trying to send him his things. 1.4619 0.03474 381 245 96 40
130 We have a new two-step verification system. 1.4613 0.03705 349 228 81 40
131 They say the pen is mightier, but trust me they are wrong. 1.4607 0.03450 356 223 102 31
132 I thought he was going to get the axe. 1.4563 0.03479 355 225 98 32
133 Actually, anyone could pull it out, but no one wants the position. 1.4553 0.03719 358 239 75 44
134 He'll be mythed. 1.4509 0.04849 224 154 39 31
135 I just don't see the point. 1.4509 0.03703 346 229 78 39
136 If you can pull it out you'll also get dental. 1.4506 0.03483 344 218 97 29
137 Never, never hide underneath the desk. 1.4497 0.03600 338 218 88 32
138 You'll be in accounts and pillages. 1.4497 0.03348 338 208 108 22
139 Configuring your voicemail will be way harder. 1.4493 0.03500 345 220 95 30
140 IT said to pull it out, and then push it back in. 1.4481 0.03959 308 206 66 36
141 She pulled the sword out okay but then she asked for a raise... 1.4472 0.03779 322 212 76 34
142 This is the final stage of your interview Mr Arthur 1.4452 0.03803 310 203 76 31
143 I guess you could say it was a hostile takeover. 1.4452 0.03748 310 201 80 29
144 Once a week Jared comes in to give it a tug. 1.4448 0.03843 326 219 69 38
145 ...then there's a knot in the VP's office you'll need to take care of. 1.4438 0.03566 329 211 90 28
146 The job is yours if you can pull it out. 1.4438 0.03768 329 219 74 36
147 Turns out the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.4431 0.03701 325 213 80 32
148 A simple resignation letter would have done the trick. 1.4431 0.03701 325 213 80 32
149 Yeah, the lamp needs to go. 1.4418 0.03942 292 193 69 30
150 It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turns out it's really difficult to find a CEO that's pure of heart. 1.4412 0.04267 238 155 61 22
151 Hmm... I guess the sword IS mightier than the pen! 1.4409 0.03464 313 195 98 20
152 True, it’s not traditional Feng Shui, but it does focus the room’s energy. 1.4394 0.03999 264 171 70 23
153 Poor Donald. But please tell me that Pence is under there too. 1.4391 0.03995 312 214 59 39
154 Art must have just received his ancestry.com results. 1.4377 0.03746 313 206 77 30
155 ... and then the drug test and background check. 1.4367 0.03593 300 190 89 21
156 The easy part is drawing the sword, but then you must come up with a password that's at least eight characters long, includes a number and a symbol, and that you haven't used in the past six months. 1.4361 0.03872 305 204 69 32
157 My boss hasn't been the same since he went to that Renaissance fair upstate. 1.4361 0.03642 305 196 85 24
158 We’re generally a pretty easy-going firm, but some things are set in stone. 1.4351 0.04039 285 192 62 31
159 One more thing and the job is yours! 1.4333 0.03653 300 193 84 23
160 Last update I got from him about the report was that he'd taken a stab at it. 1.4317 0.03817 278 180 76 22
161 I think he said he needed a round table. 1.4310 0.03738 297 194 78 25
162 Legend says that if you pull it out, you get Ron’s parking spot. 1.4307 0.03924 274 180 70 24
163 You're lucky - mine's a plowshare. 1.4305 0.03786 295 194 75 26
164 I thought you said you got the axe. 1.4305 0.03847 295 196 71 28
165 No one can pull it out. But that has less to do with destiny and more to do with solid mahogany. 1.4301 0.03768 272 174 79 19
166 If you pull this off, you'll be a legend. 1.4286 0.03828 287 189 73 25
167 Gives new meaning to the word 'severance'. 1.4281 0.03973 285 192 64 29
168 Legend has it that one day a just, wise, and equitable CEO will come to pull out the sword. So of course nobody has even bothered to try. 1.4276 0.03962 283 190 65 28
169 On the plus side, we’ve been without a CEO for ages 1.4271 0.03754 288 188 77 23
170 We used to engage executive search firms, but this is a lot cheaper and works just as well. 1.4266 0.03739 286 186 78 22
171 Ignore that, it's just part of the severence package. 1.4266 0.03931 286 192 66 28
172 Let's wait. He usually only steps out for one brief shining moment. 1.4266 0.03931 286 192 66 28
173 Oh, we can find someone to pull out the sword. What we need is a CEO that can keep his hands to himself. 1.4266 0.03993 286 194 62 30
174 The associates are calling it Deskalibur. 1.4259 0.04031 270 181 63 26
175 But if she succeeds when we let her try, then what? 1.4249 0.04622 193 127 50 16
176 Having slain the unicorn, this is your next task. 1.4245 0.03812 278 182 74 22
177 He thinks he's a great manager of people but he can't figure out why his drawer won't open. 1.4239 0.04224 276 193 49 34
178 YOU try !! I got a hernia !! 1.4239 0.04065 276 188 59 29
179 At least that's not hanging over his head any more. 1.4229 0.03869 279 185 70 24
180 It's not what you think. He gets really big letters. 1.4229 0.04189 279 195 50 34
181 Looks like we've been hacked again. 1.4201 0.03933 269 179 67 23
182 Merlin & Co is running our CEO search. 1.4189 0.03974 265 177 65 23
183 We've got a super simple promotion process, actually 1.4189 0.04081 265 180 59 26
184 It’s actually quite easy to remove - nobody wants the job! 1.4189 0.03790 265 172 75 18
185 Beats getting it in the back 1.4189 0.03938 265 176 67 22
186 This was Damocles' office. 1.4185 0.03957 270 181 65 24
187 HR says this will eliminate the need for a search committee. 1.4179 0.03870 268 177 70 21
188 You'll be in Damocles' old office. 1.4157 0.03915 267 178 67 22
189 Not only could he not remove the sword, but he had issues with the dagger in his back. 1.4153 0.04164 248 168 57 23
190 It comes right out, actually. But always tell the client how impressed you are. 1.4147 0.04047 258 174 61 23
191 It's a subtle reminder not to write captions for the New Yorker on company time. 1.4141 0.04107 256 174 58 24
192 You'll be working the knight shift. 1.4134 0.03937 254 168 67 19
193 They say that whoever pulls the sword from the desk will be Trump's next cabinet appointee, so everyone's been avoiding it. 1.4134 0.04130 254 173 57 24
194 Well, rumour has it the last person to pull it out fell on it at the end of the next quarter. 1.4134 0.04015 254 170 63 21
195 Now you can live by the sword, die by the sword, email by the sword, make calls by the sword and enjoy the view by the sword. 1.4134 0.04167 254 174 55 25
196 The legend is that whoever releases the Sword of Mar-a-Lago from its mahogany prison shall be freed from all accountability forever. 1.4134 0.04167 254 174 55 25
197 This is why you have security escort them out. 1.4134 0.04054 254 171 61 22
198 It's a test from Corporate. Don't pull it out; just push it in further. 1.4134 0.04054 254 171 61 22
199 We've found it to be more effective than sexual harassment training. 1.4134 0.04204 254 175 53 26
200 Well, this is awkward. I meant to give you the axe. 1.4134 0.04054 254 171 61 22
201 No Arthur, this is Deskaliber. 1.4134 0.04204 254 175 53 26
202 We need a wizard to turn this company around. 1.4118 0.04003 255 171 63 21
203 Pulling it out is only the beginning: you must also stab your partners in the back. 1.4104 0.03967 251 167 65 19
204 I'm not sure our anger management course is working. 1.4089 0.03969 247 164 65 18
205 Still beats the electoral college 1.4074 0.04259 243 168 51 24
206 Well at least we now know the sword is mightier than a particle board desk. 1.4074 0.03927 243 160 67 16
207 At the tip is the key to the executive washroom 1.4074 0.04096 243 164 59 20
208 For a CEO position, it's a very short interview process. 1.4074 0.03883 243 159 69 15
209 He lived by the sword but was axed by the board. 1.4074 0.04219 243 167 53 23
210 We used to use Myers-Briggs; this test has a better track record. 1.4074 0.04137 243 165 57 21
211 The Lady of the Lake will be out of the office till Tuesday. 1.4073 0.03956 248 165 65 18
212 The pen is mightier, but this is way more dramatic. 1.4073 0.03997 248 166 63 19
213 This is your new office. The last guy got the axe. 1.4073 0.04157 248 170 55 23
214 ...and so Arthur, for your final test... 1.4073 0.04196 248 171 53 24
215 Arthur doesn’t believe in passwords. 1.4073 0.04157 248 170 55 23
216 IT’S EXCALIBUR ?? THAT’S hard to swallow. 1.4073 0.04235 248 172 51 25
217 Do you have a pen? 1.4066 0.04161 241 164 56 21
218 Only the one true CEO can lead King Arthur Flour. 1.4066 0.04243 241 166 52 23
219 So, this is Damocles' old office? 1.4050 0.04188 242 166 54 22
220 Well, I hope you weren't exaggerating in your resume. 1.4050 0.04229 242 167 52 23
221 Many have tried and many have failed. I’d recommend hand sanitizer. 1.4050 0.04064 242 163 60 19
222 A Post-It would’ve sufficed. 1.4050 0.04349 242 170 46 26
223 And he who removes the sword brings donuts on Tuesdays. 1.4050 0.04064 242 163 60 19
224 This is strange, I never noticed the flag on that building before. 1.4050 0.04188 242 166 54 22
225 And here’s your office. The sword is built in, for when you need to fall on it. 1.4008 0.04120 237 161 57 19
226 Arthur, Arthur and Arthur will always be a family run law firm. 1.4008 0.04205 237 163 53 21
227 They say if you can pull it out you can win the New Yorker cartoon caption contest. 1.4008 0.04372 237 167 45 25
228 We’ve given up on finding a decent CEO. We’re looking for a king now. 1.4008 0.04248 237 164 51 22
229 Looks like it's come down to whoever has the most pull. 1.4008 0.03942 237 157 65 15
230 You'll be on the knight shift. 1.4008 0.04205 237 163 53 21
231 He was a great boss, but never quite had what it took to be legendary. 1.4000 0.04022 230 153 62 15
232 This is in lieu of an interview. Give it a try. 1.3991 0.04078 233 157 59 17
233 Actually, ANYONE can pull it out. The challenge is to remove the inventory control tag without setting off the detector. 1.3991 0.03939 233 154 65 14
234 Our headhunters wanted to try a more classical recruiting approach. 1.3991 0.04045 228 152 61 15
235 Phew. I thought the board would hire a hatchet man. 1.3991 0.04322 228 158 49 21
236 You could say it was a hostile takeover. 1.3991 0.04045 228 152 61 15
237 We said we were looking to hire high caliber people, Johnson, not Excalibur people. 1.3991 0.04454 228 161 43 24
238 I prefer the pen. 1.3991 0.04045 228 152 61 15
239 We tried to tell him it wasn’t set in stone. 1.3991 0.04277 228 157 51 20
240 He just painted his face blue, yelled "freedom," and walked out. 1.3991 0.04411 228 160 45 23
241 We thought so, too, but pulling on it just makes the building fart. 1.3991 0.04454 228 161 43 24
242 You have to have a lot of pull to get this office... 1.3991 0.04322 228 158 49 21
243 No one remembers the password. 1.3991 0.04367 228 159 47 22
244 There's just one remaining step in the interview process. 1.3991 0.04391 213 146 49 18
245 Beats me. Let's ask Arthur. 1.3974 0.04217 229 157 53 19
246 It’s not a job it’s a calling. 1.3974 0.04078 229 154 59 16
247 Behold, Deskalibur! 1.3927 0.04347 219 152 48 19
248 They say it takes the strength of 1,500 average-salary employees to remove it. 1.3919 0.04535 222 159 39 24
249 You said you were born for this job, now prove it. 1.3919 0.04061 222 149 59 14
250 Legend says he who removes it shall reign over all of New England Regional Marketing and Sales. 1.3919 0.03907 222 146 65 11
251 Suddenly, the round table in the conference room makes a little more sense. 1.3915 0.04346 212 146 49 17
252 Don't tell me. The conference room has a round table. 1.3915 0.04189 212 143 55 14
253 Let the intern handle it. 1.3915 0.04242 212 144 53 15
254 Makes as much sense as the Electoral College 1.3909 0.04426 220 155 44 21
255 They say only the true Vice President of Marketing Communications can remove it. 1.3909 0.04085 220 148 58 14
256 HR says it'll eliminate the need for background checks. 1.3907 0.04252 215 147 52 16
257 I don’t care about being king or CEO or whatever, I just want that letter opener. 1.3907 0.03988 215 142 62 11
258 No... it's just a letter opener. 1.3897 0.04011 213 141 61 11
259 Welch couldn’t. Fiorina choked. Musk and Bezos failed. Get real, Artie. You work in the mail room. 1.3897 0.04278 213 146 51 16
260 If you move it the other way it locks the door. 1.3897 0.04066 213 142 59 12
261 It can only be picked up by a Republican with moral character ... it has been there since the end of the Reagan presidency ... 1.3897 0.04481 213 150 43 20
262 Bought the letter opener online, it looked smaller. 1.3897 0.04120 213 143 57 13
263 I know the pen is mightier, but this makes a better point. 1.3895 0.04452 190 129 48 13
264 It makes a strong statement, but it's terrible ergonomically. 1.3889 0.04236 216 148 52 16
265 We've streamlined our pre employment screening. 1.3889 0.04133 216 146 56 14
266 Cake in the break room. 1.3881 0.04437 219 155 43 21
267 It’s just the best letter opener I’ve ever used. And it never gets lost! 1.3879 0.04414 214 150 45 19
268 Maybe we should just go with a recruiter. 1.3879 0.04262 214 147 51 16
269 Just don't stick your neck out for anybody. 1.3879 0.04313 214 148 49 17
270 Many men have tried and failed to remove the sword from the desk. They each received generous severance packages. 1.3879 0.04210 214 146 53 15
271 Wouldn't it be easier for him to just leave the business to his son? 1.3879 0.04313 214 148 49 17
272 Honestly, anything is better than the Electoral College. 1.3868 0.04443 212 149 44 19
273 Deskcalibur. 1.3868 0.04443 212 149 44 19
274 I was actually stunned to find these desk accessories at IKEA. 1.3868 0.04392 212 148 46 18
275 HR thought it up. 1.3868 0.04183 212 144 54 14
276 Ugh, I barely made it up the beanstalk in the last interview. 1.3868 0.04289 212 146 50 16
277 And this is our cutting edge department 1.3868 0.04443 212 149 44 19
278 I see your request for a new desk was denied. 1.3868 0.03964 212 140 62 10
279 I’ve asked him to take a stab at new office decor. 1.3868 0.04289 212 146 50 16
280 Can we conclude he was wrong about being able to pardon himself? 1.3865 0.04414 207 144 46 17
281 The pen didn't stand a chance. 1.3840 0.05540 125 86 30 9
282 I told him the pen was mightier, but he still wanted the sword. 1.3839 0.04299 211 146 49 16
283 We haven’t had a CEO for a thousand years. 1.3824 0.04345 204 141 48 15
284 No, its a just a handle that opens and closes the drapes. 1.3793 0.04731 203 148 33 22
285 Who even uses landlines anymore? 1.3793 0.04731 203 148 33 22
286 The last guy fell on it. 1.3793 0.04356 203 141 47 15
287 We've been hacked. 1.3793 0.04574 203 145 39 19
288 We’re Farmers, and we covered it. 1.3793 0.04520 203 144 41 18
289 The lady of the water cooler told me to check this out. 1.3793 0.04356 203 141 47 15
290 Unfortunately, he didn’t have enough pull. 1.3793 0.04066 203 136 57 10
291 Melania must have been looking for Donald 1.3793 0.04783 203 149 31 23
292 The last guy who had this office was a legend. 1.3793 0.04574 203 145 39 19
293 Seems the sword is mightier after all. 1.3769 0.04413 199 139 45 15
294 Whoever can pull it out will make 400 times what one of our workers makes. 1.3763 0.04550 194 137 41 16
295 Wait till you see his pen. 1.3756 0.04725 197 143 34 20
296 At least he didn't get the ax. 1.3756 0.04384 197 137 46 14
297 Pull it out and the job is yours. 1.3756 0.04939 197 147 26 24
298 On the plus side, we’ve been without a CEO for ages 1.3756 0.04442 197 138 44 15
299 HR has really streamlined the hiring process. 1.3756 0.04078 197 132 56 9
300 I specifically requested a round table. 1.3756 0.04725 197 143 34 20
301 He's downstairs leading a round-table discussion with some marketing wizards. 1.3744 0.04814 195 143 31 21
302 I mean, yeah, I knew he was mad, but sword-in-the-desk mad?? 1.3737 0.04302 190 130 49 11
303 Here at Camelot Industries our interview process is a simple one. 1.3731 0.04320 193 133 48 12
304 It's a rigged test: There's no such thing as a CEO with a pure heart. 1.3731 0.04443 193 135 44 14
305 The culture here is somewhat passive-aggressive. 1.3731 0.04382 193 134 46 13
306 Type in your username, pull the sword, and you're logged on. 1.3731 0.04793 193 141 32 20
307 Our interview process is pretty simple, actually. 1.3717 0.04411 191 133 45 13
308 This explains the round table in the break room. 1.3717 0.04713 191 138 35 18
309 You can come out now sir ... he's gone. 1.3717 0.04348 191 132 47 12
310 He works the knight shift. 1.3717 0.04534 191 135 41 15
311 The pen lost. 1.3717 0.04654 191 137 37 17
312 Clearly it's still here, but if anyone asks, we're supposed to say, "it was the most tremendous thing, the only person to pull it out, very tremendous." 1.3717 0.04595 191 136 39 16
313 He won't be hiding under his desk anymore. 1.3717 0.04154 191 129 53 9
314 We were really excited when we saw “known for persistence and problem solving” listed on your resume. 1.3717 0.04348 191 132 47 12
315 It's Warren Buffet's succession plan 1.3717 0.04771 191 139 33 19
316 Actually, Artie, I have a good feeling about your chances. 1.3717 0.04087 191 128 55 8
317 Our ideal candidate is creative, driven, and a rightful leader. 1.3717 0.04284 191 131 49 11
318 We’re going to need a rounder table. 1.3717 0.04219 191 130 51 10
319 It's been like this ever since his genetic testing results came back. 1.3717 0.04473 191 134 43 14
320 The job posting says you're supposed to be good at leading round table discussions as well. 1.3717 0.04534 191 135 41 15
321 We're looking for someone of a high calibur. 1.3717 0.04595 191 136 39 16
322 Again?! Get Arthur. 1.3717 0.04473 191 134 43 14
323 Little Arthur, the messenger boy, is the only one who hasn't tried yet. 1.3717 0.04284 191 131 49 11
324 He gave his fortnight notice. 1.3717 0.04473 191 134 43 14
325 One day, a middle manager will come. 1.3717 0.04595 191 136 39 16
326 Like I told you in the interview, we work knights. 1.3717 0.04713 191 138 35 18
327 It's not as difficult as mastering Excel. 1.3717 0.04473 191 134 43 14
328 I knew buying that round table for the boardroom was a mistake. 1.3717 0.04284 191 131 49 11
329 If we’d ordered the regular size letter openers, this never would have happened. 1.3717 0.04219 191 130 51 10
330 They said only the chosen one can remove the sword and become CEO. Rumor has it, the janitor pulled it out last night, but HR put it back and will not speak of the matter. 1.3711 0.04543 194 138 40 16
331 I thought he got the axe? 1.3704 0.04377 189 131 46 12
332 They call it "Deskcalibur." 1.3704 0.04566 189 134 40 15
333 It's just a formality, really. 1.3704 0.04504 189 133 42 14
334 The board is interviewing Arthur somebody for CEO. British, I believe. 1.3704 0.04377 189 131 46 12
335 I don't think he understood when I said "leave a message." 1.3690 0.04842 187 137 31 19
336 Drop it off at HR if you are the true VP of operations. 1.3690 0.04341 187 129 47 11
337 The culture here is a bit medieval. 1.3690 0.04471 187 131 43 13
338 Our CEO selection process is legendary. 1.3690 0.04067 187 125 55 7
339 You should see the corner office challenge. 1.3690 0.04471 187 131 43 13
340 I mean you can have a go, but frankly, the office next door is nicer. 1.3684 0.03956 190 126 58 6
341 And as for this job, we have unfortunately been having trouble finding someone of just the right Excalibur. 1.3656 0.04915 186 138 28 20
342 That's the thing about working for Merlin, he's kind of old school... 1.3656 0.04547 186 132 40 14
343 You just missed him, he's in a round table meeting till 10. 1.3656 0.04417 186 130 44 12
344 We have really big envelopes here. 1.3656 0.04417 186 130 44 12
345 They must be looking for someone of a certain caliber. 1.3656 0.04483 186 131 42 13
346 HR has taken this new ‘roundtable’ initiative a little too far. 1.3656 0.04796 186 136 32 18
347 I found a guy who can do it, but he wants a round table. 1.3611 0.04712 180 130 35 15
348 He'll be out for a while. Hernia surgery. 1.3596 0.04747 178 129 34 15
349 Arthur took exception with the concept that the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.3596 0.04747 178 129 34 15
350 Three factor authentication sucks. 1.3596 0.04813 178 130 32 16
351 Just one more task and your promotion will be finalized. 1.3596 0.04813 178 130 32 16
352 Yes, I know it is rife with symbolism. Nontheless, I still think it's bad design. 1.3596 0.04611 178 127 38 13
353 I see no CEO replacement has met the recruitment requirements 1.3563 0.04386 174 121 44 9
354 You have to admit, it's better than our current election process. 1.3563 0.04750 174 126 34 14
355 I told you it would be a hostile takeover. 1.3563 0.04461 174 122 42 10
356 He didn't say a word. Just showed everybody his winning lotto ticket, stuck that thing in his desk, and walked out the door! 1.3563 0.04955 174 129 28 17
357 And here is where the magic happens. 1.3563 0.04679 174 125 36 13
358 Arthur always has the coolest paperweights 1.3563 0.04750 174 126 34 14
359 He usually forgets his keys. 1.3533 0.04501 167 117 41 9
360 This part of the interview will be a little more hands-on. 1.3529 0.04676 170 122 36 12
361 Corporate raiders, by the look of things. 1.3529 0.04525 170 120 40 10
362 Congratulations, you’ve reached the final stage in our interview process! 1.3529 0.04823 170 124 32 14
363 Legend has it the True Leader of the Free World will pluck the sword free once the swamp is drained 1.3515 0.04614 165 117 38 10
364 Our algorithm stripped the interview process down to the essentials. 1.3512 0.04635 168 120 37 11
365 I won't miss the drama. 1.3512 0.04558 168 119 39 10
366 Well, I guess it's down to the two of us, Artie. 1.3512 0.04479 168 118 41 9
367 This is the skill test for women candidates. 1.3512 0.05076 168 126 25 17
368 This is our CEO’s idea of a succession plan. 1.3512 0.04787 168 122 33 13
369 Oh gosh no. That just turns on the computer. 1.3512 0.04558 168 119 39 10
370 I think I've found Arthur's letter opener. 1.3512 0.05005 168 125 27 16
371 If ye can initiate a three-party conference call using that phone on the first try, the job shall be yours forever more. 1.3512 0.05005 168 125 27 16
372 Actually, it's just the light switch. 1.3494 0.04973 166 123 28 15
373 The good news is that the spider is definitely dead... 1.3494 0.04748 166 120 34 12
374 Did you see the 15 century gap in his resume? He said he was 'finding himself'. 1.3494 0.04748 166 120 34 12
375 Go ahead, Art. Give it a try. 1.3494 0.04175 166 113 48 5
376 Get Merlin from accounting. He'll get rid of this. 1.3494 0.05188 166 126 22 18
377 Notice there is no pen. 1.3494 0.04591 166 118 38 10
378 An MBA from Harvard is not enough to become CEO any more. 1.3494 0.04670 166 119 36 11
379 He left for more noble pursuits. 1.3494 0.04748 166 120 34 12
380 Legend has it that the one who removes it gets 300 times more pay, a penthouse apartment, and a new desk. 1.3494 0.04824 166 121 32 13
381 We don't give the corner office to just anybody. 1.3494 0.04748 166 120 34 12
382 And of course the Lady of the Lake would be your administrative assistant. 1.3494 0.04748 166 120 34 12
383 and I thought he got the axe. 1.3494 0.04899 166 122 30 14
384 Unfortunately, no, it isn't a metaphor. 1.3494 0.04511 166 117 40 9
385 No Pressure. 1.3481 0.04745 158 113 35 10
386 Call IT. We’ve been hacked. 1.3476 0.04625 164 117 37 10
387 It comes out easily, actually, but nobody wants the job. 1.3476 0.04938 164 121 29 14
388 Looks like Arthur is getting the promotion. 1.3476 0.04625 164 117 37 10
389 Arthur said he had a new idea for choosing the next vice president. 1.3476 0.04938 164 121 29 14
390 Now do you understand the shape of the table in the board room? 1.3476 0.04376 164 114 43 7
391 There's just one last interview question... 1.3476 0.04202 164 112 47 5
392 They say only Robert Mueller can pull it out. 1.3476 0.04938 164 121 29 14
393 I knew Medieval Mondays was a bad idea... 1.3457 0.04660 162 116 36 10
394 Whoso pulleth out this sword from this desk . . . is still an exhausted and defeated middle-manager with little hope for real success or even appreciation. 1.3457 0.05055 162 121 26 15
395 We take the headhunting business seriously. 1.3457 0.04660 162 116 36 10
396 He thought it was a step up from ‘the buck stops here’. 1.3457 0.04493 162 114 40 8
397 The standards for promotion here are pretty competitive... 1.3457 0.04742 162 117 34 11
398 The search committee came up with another requirement. 1.3457 0.04406 162 113 42 7
399 Do you think you have what it takes to work at Excalibur Investments? 1.3457 0.04742 162 117 34 11
400 No no no...HIGH caliber. I said I hope our new manager is HIGH caliber. 1.3439 0.04671 157 112 36 9
401 If you succeed, your next challenge will be pulling the cell phone from the intern’s hand. 1.3418 0.04816 158 115 32 11
402 No need for interviews—we’re looking for just the right person to run the King Arthur Flour Company. 1.3418 0.04646 158 113 36 9
403 Just try to leverage it. 1.3418 0.04469 158 111 40 7
404 I take it the Exit Interview did not go well 1.3418 0.04646 158 113 36 9
405 This isn't what I had in mind when I told you to stick it to the man 1.3418 0.04899 158 116 30 12
406 Don't worry, I have a pen. 1.3418 0.04981 158 117 28 13
407 This IS the interview. 1.3418 0.04646 158 113 36 9
408 He always said the pen was mightier than the sword. 1.3418 0.04899 158 116 30 12
409 It's double-edged. Tough on hiring, but makes for quick work on exit interviews. 1.3397 0.04855 156 114 31 11
410 Looks like Mr. Zorro has stepped out for a sandwich. 1.3397 0.04769 156 113 33 10
411 It would appear the CEO position is still open. 1.3397 0.04855 156 114 31 11
412 I guess they finally pierced the corporate veil. 1.3397 0.04855 156 114 31 11
413 We've had five applicants, and so far, five hernias. 1.3397 0.04769 156 113 33 10
414 So Arthur, this will be your new office. 1.3397 0.05022 156 116 27 13
415 Granted, it's a bit medieval, but selecting a CEO based on integrity hasn't exactly worked out. 1.3397 0.04855 156 114 31 11
416 Whoever pulls the sword from this desk also gets reserved parking. 1.3397 0.04681 156 112 35 9
417 Actually, it's the dimmer for the lamp. 1.3397 0.04681 156 112 35 9
418 A job of mythic proportions. 1.3377 0.04894 154 113 30 11
419 Was that there when we left? 1.3377 0.04894 154 113 30 11
420 ...I said we want higher CALIBER employees 1.3377 0.05148 154 116 24 14
421 The day he quit was legendary. 1.3361 0.05411 122 89 25 8
422 Is there any way this is good news? 1.3356 0.04427 149 104 40 5
423 It's a bit archaic, but it's a proven method 1.3356 0.04427 149 104 40 5
424 Let's try some WD-40. 1.3355 0.04845 152 111 31 10
425 you're lucky; most people don't have a phone. 1.3355 0.05108 152 114 25 13
426 We had to find a way for the male executives to have a dick measuring contest without literally having a dick measuring contest. 1.3355 0.04755 152 110 33 9
427 Is this his way of telling us he wants a round table? 1.3355 0.04935 152 112 29 11
428 Bet you it still goes to the boss's kid. 1.3355 0.05358 152 117 19 16
429 Bob, is this meeting set in stone? 1.3355 0.04755 152 110 33 9
430 Finish this last part of the interview, and the job is yours. 1.3355 0.04935 152 112 29 11
431 I heard they were making cuts at the top. 1.3333 0.04698 150 108 34 8
432 It's password protected. 1.3333 0.04885 150 110 30 10
433 A hernia took out the last CEO candidate. 1.3333 0.04663 147 105 35 7
434 Or bring in the head of Medusa and you can have the corner office. 1.3333 0.05152 150 113 24 13
435 We never needed the pure-of-heart before. 1.3333 0.04976 150 111 28 11
436 He always leaves his desk so neat. 1.3333 0.04562 147 104 37 6
437 You know it's going to be a woman who pulls it out. Right? 1.3333 0.04885 150 110 30 10
438 For now, you’ll be in Mr. Damocles’ old office. 1.3333 0.05152 150 113 24 13
439 Whoso pulleth out this sword gets a key to the executive washroom. 1.3333 0.04403 150 105 40 5
440 Can I assume the conference room has a round table? 1.3333 0.04885 150 110 30 10
441 She doesn't believe that nonsense about the pen. 1.3333 0.05065 150 112 26 12
442 I guess Arthur quit. 1.3333 0.05065 150 112 26 12
443 It's pretty much what you think. 1.3333 0.04504 150 106 38 6
444 This brings us to the final part of our interview. 1.3333 0.04698 150 108 34 8
445 The last person behind this desk was a real legend. 1.3311 0.04735 148 107 33 8
446 I heard the job is up for grabs. 1.3311 0.04925 148 109 29 10
447 No, you pull it. 1.3311 0.04637 148 106 35 7
448 Since Dodd-Frank, we’ve been taking a fresh approach to executive promotions. 1.3311 0.05018 148 110 27 11
449 And this is the HR department. 1.3311 0.04831 148 108 31 9
450 Were thinking it makes as much sense as the Electoral College. 1.3311 0.05109 148 111 25 12
451 At least we aren't getting the ax. 1.3311 0.04537 148 105 37 6
452 At least I won't have that hanging over my head anymore. 1.3311 0.04637 148 106 35 7
453 ...so did you get the spider? 1.3311 0.04925 148 109 29 10
454 Yes, you could say that the corporate takeover was hostile. 1.3311 0.04735 148 107 33 8
455 If you can pull it out, you won't have to work here anymore. 1.3311 0.05109 148 111 25 12
456 It’s the new Excalibur mouse 1.3311 0.05018 148 110 27 11
457 You go ahead, my hernia's acting up. 1.3311 0.04831 148 108 31 9
458 Even after a year President Trump still can't manage to budge it 1.3311 0.05109 148 111 25 12
459 In lieu of interviews, we're taking a different approach with all our job candidates. 1.3311 0.04925 148 109 29 10
460 We find this is a much faster hiring process 1.3304 0.05051 115 81 30 4
461 I would try, but this isn't the kingdom I imagined. 1.3288 0.05061 146 109 26 11
462 Yes, Arthur was forced to resign, but he had a damn good sense of humor. 1.3288 0.04570 146 104 36 6
463 This explains the round table in the conference room. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
464 Your new office, where you'll be in charge of cost cutting. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
465 Don’t get too excited. We just need you to fix the desk. 1.3288 0.04773 146 106 32 8
466 And he was afraid he'd get the axe.... 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
467 Yeah, so now the sword is mightier. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
468 Apparently there's been a hostile takeover. 1.3288 0.04871 146 107 30 9
469 You must be better liked, the previous general manager was stabbed in the back. 1.3288 0.04673 146 105 34 7
470 The round table arrives next week. 1.3288 0.04871 146 107 30 9
471 At least they didn´t give him the axe 1.3288 0.05061 146 109 26 11
472 Believe it or not, it was a paper-cut that finally got him. 1.3288 0.05061 146 109 26 11
473 The CEO proposed it to the Board as his succession plan. 1.3288 0.04871 146 107 30 9
474 Wait, wrong office. 1.3288 0.05061 146 109 26 11
475 This is why my wife tells me I can't work from home. 1.3288 0.05061 146 109 26 11
476 We can have our maintenance guy Arthur remove it for you. 1.3288 0.05244 146 111 22 13
477 I guess he had more than an axe to grind. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
478 We've simplified our vetting process... 1.3264 0.04709 144 104 33 7
479 Huge upset. The pen lost. 1.3264 0.05199 144 109 23 12
480 ...and worse yet, he's starting calling me Sancho. 1.3264 0.05105 144 108 25 11
481 We're still waiting for the one true boss to appear. 1.3264 0.05009 144 107 27 10
482 The story of this company is the story of its dyslexic founder, Arthur King. 1.3264 0.05009 144 107 27 10
483 After Brexit, no one has even tried pulling it out because no one wants to rule Britain. 1.3264 0.05383 144 111 19 14
484 No, Ed, I said let’s bury the hatchet! 1.3262 0.04667 141 101 34 6
485 We’re still waiting for the rightful heir to the company. 1.3239 0.04952 142 105 28 9
486 That’s weird. The boss still has a land line on his desk. 1.3239 0.05150 142 107 24 11
487 It's a letter opener, or it makes you King, not sure which. 1.3239 0.04850 142 104 30 8
488 The last guy got quite the severance 1.3239 0.05052 142 106 26 10
489 Well, at least he didn't get the axe. 1.3239 0.05052 142 106 26 10
490 It hasn't been the same since the hostile takeover. 1.3239 0.05246 142 108 22 12
491 Call Arthur, in accounting. 1.3239 0.04640 142 102 34 6
492 I see I need to have a talk with the person who prepared your office. I clearly said you were a lefty. 1.3239 0.04850 142 104 30 8
493 We do our hiring the old fashioned way 1.3239 0.04640 142 102 34 6
494 And now for the final portion of your interview. 1.3239 0.05150 142 107 24 11
495 Our last CEO was a legend. 1.3239 0.04952 142 105 28 9
496 Yes, you can stand on the desk... 1.3239 0.05052 142 106 26 10
497 He said something about meeting up with Guinevere for spin class and left. 1.3239 0.04952 142 105 28 9
498 There was no chance for upward nobility. 1.3239 0.04746 142 103 32 7
499 We have one more test before we can make you a job offer. 1.3239 0.05052 142 106 26 10
500 When I said take a stab at it I was speaking figuratively 1.3239 0.05052 142 106 26 10
501 And then he got all medieval on me. 1.3239 0.04952 142 105 28 9
502 I'm sick of the riddles. Did I get the promotion or not? 1.3237 0.04476 139 98 37 4
503 People kept stealing the letter opener. 1.3214 0.04784 140 102 31 7
504 He always said he really would have preferred a round desk. 1.3214 0.05294 140 107 21 12
505 Maybe the sword is mightier than the pen... 1.3214 0.05294 140 107 21 12
506 You have until the end of the day, then tomorrow you have to go and find the Golden Fleece. 1.3214 0.05096 140 105 25 10
507 Our hiring procedure is old school. 1.3214 0.04450 140 99 37 4
508 "Pendragon's old school. He said the once and future head of HR will reveal himself". 1.3214 0.05096 140 105 25 10
509 And here's the office of the once and future CEO. 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
510 It's entry level, but you have to be the chosen one. 1.3214 0.04675 140 101 33 6
511 Can you call Arthur from the mail room to get rid of that? 1.3214 0.04675 140 101 33 6
512 You'll be taking Mr. Damocles old office. 1.3214 0.05096 140 105 25 10
513 This gives new meaning to "severance pay," doesn't it? 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
514 And with your promotion, the excutive letter opener. 1.3214 0.05096 140 105 25 10
515 I’m guessing it was a hostile takeover. 1.3214 0.04675 140 101 33 6
516 And now, for the final part of the interview 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
517 Now I understand why there's a round table in the conference room. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
518 Should I look under the desk, or do you want to? 1.3214 0.04450 140 99 37 4
519 I hope this isn't what he meant by cutting edge... 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
520 HR is really having a tough time finding Arthur’s replacement 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
521 This was Damocles' office. 1.3214 0.05390 140 108 19 13
522 He must get some very big envelopes. 1.3214 0.04784 140 102 31 7
523 No. You do not get to be CEO if you pull it out. Just the head of security. 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
524 Behold: the key to the executive bathroom. 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
525 Legend says that whoever pulls it out is the rightful CEO 1.3214 0.04564 140 100 35 5
526 See? And they won't let me have a plant in my office. 1.3214 0.05294 140 107 21 12
527 My pen fails to set the same tone. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
528 Art took the day off to look for a round desk. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
529 He was legendary. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
530 I just know that it's a message, and it's not a good one. 1.3214 0.04784 140 102 31 7
531 The boss is obviously not about to fall on it any time soon. 1.3214 0.04890 140 103 29 8
532 It doesn't matter. He won the Electoral College. 1.3214 0.05294 140 107 21 12
533 The prophecy speaks of the One True MBA. 1.3214 0.05196 140 106 23 11
534 And I was scared we’d get the axe. 1.3214 0.04784 140 102 31 7
535 …and that’s when this gigantic turtle with a fucking bandana around its eyes, I shit you not, dropped from the ceiling and stabbed my desk. I seriously don’t even know how to begin filing the Facilities department work order. 1.3203 0.05426 128 97 21 10
536 He wants you to take care of this first and then make that Russia nonsense go away. 1.3188 0.05243 138 105 22 11
537 Get the sword out of the desk and the job is yours, no questions asked. 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
538 Letter opener? Who send letters? 1.3188 0.04482 138 98 36 4
539 I always thought the E stood for Executive. 1.3188 0.04931 138 102 28 8
540 In lieu of an interview, you get one pull. 1.3188 0.05441 138 107 18 13
541 Er, we practice 'lore' here, not law. 1.3188 0.05343 138 106 20 12
542 It appears that 'the pen is mightier than the sword' was also fake news. 1.3188 0.05141 138 104 24 10
543 One last thing before you’re hired. 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
544 He needed it to open the letter from North Korea. 1.3188 0.05141 138 104 24 10
545 Apparently special counsel Mueller stuck it there and no one in the Administration has been able to pull it out! 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
546 I had no idea they were filming the Apprentice here. 1.3188 0.05343 138 106 20 12
547 And you thought the drug test was hard! 1.3188 0.05037 138 103 26 9
548 Apparently he was last seen falling on his pen 1.3188 0.05037 138 103 26 9
549 Quick get a pen! 1.3188 0.05037 138 103 26 9
550 Anyone could be our next CEO--it's not set in stone. 1.3188 0.05243 138 105 22 11
551 The position comes with a title. 1.3188 0.04598 138 99 34 5
552 Huh. I thought he was getting axed. 1.3188 0.05141 138 104 24 10
553 It’s all yours if you can pull it off. 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
554 ...and that hero will finally unite Accounts Payable and Accounts Receivable. 1.3188 0.05141 138 104 24 10
555 ...because everyone has a degree now, we had to come up with a more creative recruiting technique. 1.3188 0.05037 138 103 26 9
556 I guess asking for a raise is out of the question now. 1.3188 0.05243 138 105 22 11
557 Yes. This is Arthur's office. Lancelot is in the next room. They share the same secretary. Her name is Guinevere. 1.3188 0.05243 138 105 22 11
558 I was expecting a pen. 1.3188 0.05343 138 106 20 12
559 We never imagined that it would take so long to find a successor to Warren Buffett. 1.3185 0.04778 135 98 31 6
560 So anyway, that's why the conference room table is round. 1.3185 0.04291 135 94 39 2
561 This is where we interview for the knight shift. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
562 Pulling that out is one thing, pulling us out of our second quarter tailspin is another. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
563 Our CEO Arthur King. Dyslexic, not ironic. 1.3185 0.04661 135 97 33 5
564 "It's the President's letter opener. We've convinced him it's his hands that are tiny". 1.3185 0.05428 135 104 19 12
565 And they all said it was a waste of time to major in English. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
566 …and the legends say whosoever pulls the sword from the desk shall be compensated with a long-term incentive plan, access to the company jet, untold restricted stock, and a buttload of cash. 1.3185 0.05004 135 100 27 8
567 ... and all our conference rooms have round tables. 1.3185 0.04661 135 97 33 5
568 Sorry, Arthur called dibs on this desk 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
569 Oh, I thought he had been axed... 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
570 No, this is the office of Rex Caliber, why? 1.3185 0.04291 135 94 39 2
571 Poor Bill, he honestly thought that the pen was mightier than the sword 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
572 No, I don't think anyone's tried WD-40 yet. 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
573 Six month ago, he slid the sword back in, said something about Merlin and a bucket list, and hasn't been seen since. 1.3185 0.04778 135 98 31 6
574 I guess the Barbarians got past the gate. 1.3185 0.05004 135 100 27 8
575 It speeds up the interview process 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
576 This beats an expensive CEO interview process. 1.3185 0.04778 135 98 31 6
577 I don't see the point. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
578 And this is Meghan Markle's old desk. 1.3185 0.05221 135 102 23 10
579 I wouldn't have bothered with an MBA if I knew this was how they picked new CEOs. 1.3185 0.05529 135 105 17 13
580 Sure, but how did they get a desk made of solid stone to the 61st floor? 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
581 Not to be petty, but the sword in my desk is bigger. 1.3185 0.05004 135 100 27 8
582 Here in the Oval Office it means he is not the sharpest “blade” in the drawer, doesn’t have a “handle” on what he does, has lost his “edge” completely and lies to the “hilt”. 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
583 Your wife stopped by while you were at lunch with your secretary. 1.3185 0.05221 135 102 23 10
584 This is Arthur King's office. 1.3185 0.05004 135 100 27 8
585 We're promoting you to medieval management. 1.3185 0.05114 135 101 25 9
586 Consider yourself lucky. It used to be a stone. 1.3185 0.04778 135 98 31 6
587 Not sure what it means, but I'll take a stab at it. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
588 Whoever can pull it out gets the platinum health care plan. 1.3182 0.05081 132 98 26 8
589 At least it's not hanging over my head anymore 1.3165 0.05006 139 104 26 9
590 It’s been like that since the Camelot merger 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
591 Can you believe it? He gets his 23andMe back and all the sudden he thinks he's King Arthur. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
592 His letter opener was legendary. 1.3162 0.04862 136 100 29 7
593 It's true that this is how the company selects its CEO, but we also use it for birthday cake. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
594 Pendragon made sure that taking his place as CEO wasn't going to be easy. 1.3162 0.04973 136 101 27 8
595 We'd meant it as a metaphor. 1.3162 0.04633 136 98 33 5
596 With all the budget cuts, they cant afford an axe anymore. 1.3162 0.04973 136 101 27 8
597 Forever vacant. This is the office of the Vice President for Corporate Ethics. 1.3162 0.04973 136 101 27 8
598 I know its a little unorthodox, but you would be amazed how much search firms are charging. 1.3162 0.04749 136 99 31 6
599 And now for the final step in your CEO interview process. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
600 Damocles must be on a coffee break. 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
601 We’re still adjusting to the hostile takeover. 1.3158 0.04318 133 93 38 2
602 They say who ever can pull the sword from the desk, gets to die rich and miserable. 1.3139 0.05359 137 106 19 12
603 Pull it out and you're hired. 1.3139 0.05049 137 103 25 9
604 HR doesn't like it but we find it really weeds out the losers. 1.3139 0.04832 137 101 29 7
605 Just wait till they see how big your pen is. 1.3139 0.05258 137 105 21 11
606 At least we're not getting the axe. 1.3139 0.04365 137 97 37 3
607 Your predecessor was a fool for mixed metaphors. 1.3134 0.04903 134 99 28 7
608 No, YOU look underneath. 1.3134 0.04903 134 99 28 7
609 Well, it was bound to happen. He fell by the sword. 1.3134 0.05126 134 101 24 9
610 Legend has it that he who removes the sword from the desk, will achieve modest growth in the fourth quarter using a combined strategy of targeted investmentent and fiscal restraint. 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
611 If you can pull that out, Arthur, you won't need stock options. 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
612 So, there's just one last thing in our CEO interview process... 1.3134 0.04903 134 99 28 7
613 You asked: 'What must one do around here to get the corner office?' 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
614 It's tough to replace a man of that Excalibur. 1.3134 0.05341 134 103 20 11
615 ... and for nights, we use a round table. 1.3106 0.05392 132 102 19 11
616 Looks like the C.E.O. position is still open. 1.3106 0.05283 132 101 21 10
617 It's to open mail from North Korea. 1.3106 0.05283 132 101 21 10
618 ...I didn’t even mean to click Reply All. 1.3106 0.05283 132 101 21 10
619 Have it off my desk by end of day. 1.3106 0.04451 132 94 35 3
620 Legend says whoever pulls the sword ends up holding a sword. 1.3106 0.05392 132 102 19 11
621 This is what happens when you try to engage in a round table discussion. 1.3106 0.05283 132 101 21 10
622 Push pins aren’t macho! 1.3106 0.05283 132 101 21 10
623 Obviously, the meeting didn't go well. 1.3106 0.04704 132 96 31 5
624 Hostile takeover indeed. 1.3095 0.05098 126 94 25 7
625 We have a unique severance package... 1.3088 0.05168 136 104 22 10
626 I thought you asked if I handle excel 1.3071 0.05063 127 95 25 7
627 It was supposed to be a letter opener, but the Selection Committee got carried away. 1.3071 0.05063 127 95 25 7
628 You know what to do, Arthur. 1.3071 0.05421 127 98 19 10
629 Go get Arthur. 1.3071 0.04938 127 94 27 6
630 You're welcome to try, but it's a lateral move 1.3066 0.04811 137 102 28 7
631 He ran out hollering for his horse... 1.3053 0.05185 131 100 22 9
632 Your resume means nothing. 1.3053 0.04833 131 97 28 6
633 Pulling it out's easy. Walking up Broadway with it is the hard part. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
634 He’s hoping someone will pull it out, so he can retire. 1.3047 0.04648 128 93 31 4
635 Sometimes a surgeon should stay a surgeon. 1.3047 0.04905 128 95 27 6
636 Looks like Marketing has thrown down the gauntlet to Finance! 1.3047 0.05029 128 96 25 7
637 Our interviews are a little...old-fashioned. 1.3047 0.04514 128 92 33 3
638 Filling this position has been a nightmare for HR. 1.3047 0.04514 128 92 33 3
639 The search criteria is medieval, but the comp package is fit for a king. 1.3043 0.05683 115 89 17 9
640 In lieu of an interview, we have developed a pracitcum. 1.3040 0.04980 125 93 26 6
641 I suppose I should have warned him that Melania was dropping in. 1.3040 0.05355 125 96 20 9
642 At least it’s not set in stone 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
643 No one uses a pen anymore. 1.3040 0.05474 125 97 18 10
644 Trump thinks it's rigged. 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
645 If you think that's impressive, you should see his pen. 1.3040 0.05474 125 97 18 10
646 We're convinced the new CEO will come in our lifetime. The office pool is up to $436. 1.3040 0.05591 125 98 16 11
647 The last guy who had this office was pretty legendary. 1.3040 0.04849 125 92 28 5
648 He did that after his request for a round table got denied. 1.3040 0.04284 125 88 36 1
649 Since Tillerson left no one’s even bothered to try. 1.3040 0.04714 125 91 30 4
650 No one has pulled it out yet, but we've had four worker's comp claims from people who tried. 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
651 Yeah, Mick just scribbled a sharpie all over the office, including the bottom of the door for God knows what reason, called it shading and insisted he was a good enough artist to be published in The New Yorker. This city will mess you up. 1.3016 0.05073 126 95 24 7
652 They'll never find another man of his excalibur. 1.3016 0.04947 126 94 26 6
653 I was wondering if we have a smaller letter opener in the supply room. 1.3016 0.04947 126 94 26 6
654 He wasn’t really cut out for a desk jab. 1.3016 0.04947 126 94 26 6
655 Well, the ex CEO just wasn't the right caliber. 1.3016 0.05197 126 96 22 8
656 A regular letter opener would be fine. 1.3016 0.04683 126 92 30 4
657 I get it...i'm difficult... 1.3016 0.05073 126 95 24 7
658 If you can pull it out you'll be able to slide that laptop over. 1.3016 0.05318 126 97 20 9
659 Be careful...the last guy that applied for the job threw his back out. 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
660 We're looking for someone who can cut through the red tape. 1.3008 0.05024 123 92 25 6
661 I was going to take a stab at that promotion. Looks like the other guy beat me to it! 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
662 It glows when politicians and lobbyists are nearby. 1.3008 0.05282 123 94 21 8
663 here we believe that the sword is much mightier than the pen 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
664 Funny story. The last guy would fire people by email and then hide under his desk. 1.3008 0.05529 123 96 17 10
665 Last time I saw him he was mumbling something about a lady and a lake. 1.3000 0.05239 120 91 22 7
666 We don't ask much here at Galahad, Arthur and Merlin. 1.3000 0.04674 120 87 30 3
667 The Lady in the Lake is our largest shareholder. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
668 It's not our fault women just don't have the upper body strength to be CEO. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
669 Late 14th century, probably Teutonic, not original to the desk. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
670 Okay, well that explains why he ordered a round table for the boardroom. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
671 I think he misunderstood me when I said we need to execute the contract. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
672 There's only one interview question, but it's a tough one. 1.2984 0.05489 124 97 17 10
673 References, smeferences; removeth this sword and the job is yours. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
674 The rest of my team got the axe. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
675 The only one who's been able to lift it is the cleaning lady. 1.2984 0.05608 124 98 15 11
676 There are some risks with the job. 1.2984 0.04856 124 92 27 5
677 Whatever you do, don't pull it out before the Boss does. 1.2984 0.05608 124 98 15 11
678 That letter opener was given to him by his great grandfather. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
679 The moment Bob realized he had been promoted beyond his level of competence. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
680 Another day, another hostile take over. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
681 The pen lost this one. 1.2984 0.04856 124 92 27 5
682 The hard part is keeping it out of your back. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
683 He never loses a memo. 1.2984 0.05369 124 96 19 9
684 You will need to be explicit when discussing severance. 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
685 They call it Executive Caliber 1.2984 0.05119 124 94 23 7
686 He must be serious; I thought the gauntlet thing was just a joke 1.2984 0.05369 124 96 19 9
687 We’re still in the Middle Ages when it comes to succession planning. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
688 We use it to vet cpas. If you can slay a dragon, you can cook the books. 1.2984 0.05489 124 97 17 10
689 We couldn't pull it out, so we just built the office around it. 1.2984 0.05369 124 96 19 9
690 So that’s why we got a round table in the conference room. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
691 I'd like to see a pen do that... 1.2984 0.05369 124 96 19 9
692 It's not that metaphysical. You just push it forward, and the drawer opens. 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
693 Monday. 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
694 She tends to work the knight shift. 1.2975 0.05707 121 96 14 11
695 I told you to give him the ax. 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
696 Whoever pulls it out gets the corner office.... 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
697 The hard part was getting it out of the VP's back. 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
698 It's better than being stabbed in the back. 1.2975 0.04642 121 88 30 3
699 The meeting must be in the war room. 1.2975 0.04335 121 86 34 1
700 I say we leave it. 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
701 Wasn't your computer tech guy working under there? 1.2975 0.05460 121 94 18 9
702 The assertiveness training needs to be turned down an notch. 1.2975 0.04788 121 89 28 4
703 Honestly, I clicked “Upgrade Excel” not “Upgrade Excalibur” 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
704 I think somebody wants my job. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
705 Guess what ? We have to slash the budget again! 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
706 I liked it better when he just drew a line in the sand. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
707 As the legend goes, only someone with honor, decency, and inner strength can remove the sword and be crowned CEO...... but we only recruit MBAs. 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
708 Bob is out with a stabbing headache. 1.2975 0.05585 121 95 16 10
709 We need somebody with some real pull. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
710 Whoever can remove it gets to rule all of the Research Division. It's called Excalibrator. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
711 I told you this would happen- the guy is a level twelve D&D warlock. His name is Mind Flayer for God's sake and you parked in his spot. 1.2975 0.05460 121 94 18 9
712 Just checking...you did ask them install 'Word' on my desktop? 1.2975 0.05068 121 91 24 6
713 The ironic thing is it's a bulletproof desk. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
714 Forget it, Artie. The CEO and a dozen executive vice presidents have already tried to pull it out. That thing isn't going anywhere. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
715 Well that explains why the conference table is round 1.2975 0.05460 121 94 18 9
716 Better watch your knees. 1.2975 0.04788 121 89 28 4
717 Apparently, he who lives by the sword gets fired by the sword. 1.2975 0.05460 121 94 18 9
718 You go first. 1.2975 0.05460 121 94 18 9
719 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk, is right wise upper-management born. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
720 They fired Arthur last week, so you'll just have to work around it. 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
721 The last step in our interview process is...unconventional. 1.2975 0.04788 121 89 28 4
722 Whoever pulls the sword from the desk becomes CEO of Enron. 1.2966 0.05150 118 89 23 6
723 Camelot or Spam-a-lot , choose wisely ! 1.2960 0.04547 125 91 31 3
724 And wait till you see the letter they expect you to open. 1.2951 0.04895 122 91 26 5
725 We shall answer our readers the day the letter opener is finally pulled... 1.2951 0.04895 122 91 26 5
726 Possibly a little better than getting axed. 1.2951 0.05032 122 92 24 6
727 Guess he's binge watching Game Of Thrones again. 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
728 I'll be candid. We've had some trouble filling this position. 1.2951 0.05032 122 92 24 6
729 Whoever pulls it out is the new CEO 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
730 Many have failed, Mr. Arthur, but to become CEO ... 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
731 This time its electrified. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
732 So few people aspire to middle management. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
733 Arthur, it's worth a try. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
734 I remember when we just used to send pink slips. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
735 Don't trust him, he's a deskstabber. 1.2941 0.04826 119 88 27 4
736 Your desk includes a letter opener. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
737 That's nothing. You should see Google's employment test. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
738 I hope you don't mind working knights. 1.2941 0.05515 119 93 17 9
739 It's a fake. That desk isn't stone. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
740 Your new office comes with cutting edge technology. 1.2941 0.05642 119 94 15 10
741 Well, Art, you can probably guess why we came directly to you. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
742 We're hoping to get an editor a bit more grounded in the Classics. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
743 In my day you got the axe. Those millennials just can't leave well enough alone. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
744 I am out of the office and will have limited access to chain mail. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
745 Looks like a definite no on that caption you submitted to the New Yorker. 1.2941 0.05384 119 92 19 8
746 We should probably call Arthur from Maintenance... 1.2931 0.04900 116 86 26 4
747 They say whoever pulls it out gets promoted to CEO. 1.2931 0.05613 116 91 16 9
748 The competition begins for the next CEO of King Arthur Flour. 1.2927 0.05504 123 97 16 10
749 Your tests and interviews went well, but the physical will be decisive. 1.2927 0.04997 123 93 24 6
750 Well, Art, this is your chance to rule all of accounting. 1.2927 0.05382 123 96 18 9
751 Legend has it that HR got tired of evaluating resumes. 1.2927 0.05257 123 95 20 8
752 Mr. Klemp is unavailable due to a hernia strain. 1.2927 0.04579 123 90 30 3
753 This IS the interview. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
754 The partnership track at this firm is positively medieval. 1.2917 0.04644 120 88 29 3
755 Not again... 1.2917 0.04792 120 89 27 4
756 We've had the hardest time finding qualified candidates. 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
757 Technology is always a double edged sword. 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
758 We had to cut him. 1.2906 0.05702 117 93 14 10
759 Even if you can only get it a little way out you still might get an internship. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
760 It's this way, Arthur. Our CEOs are selected on the basis of divine right? 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
761 This used to be Damocles' office. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
762 I guess Arthur retired. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
763 They missed 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
764 We only have one interview question... 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
765 The sword? Oh, that's the easy part. If you want the job, you also have to clear out the inbox and voicemail. 1.2906 0.04711 117 86 28 3
766 We do offer a fast track to upper management. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
767 alas, a mixed metaphor written in stone 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
768 It's as good a method as any for choosing the new CEO... 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
769 Get Arthur in here. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
770 It certainly has discouraged people from asking for raises, but I can’t open my middle drawer any more. 1.2906 0.05571 117 92 16 9
771 Looks like a double edged sword to me. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
772 A takeovers will require leverage. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
773 It's cheap and equally as effective as our prior recruitment methods. 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
774 On second thought, maybe we should just ask the applicants about their strengths and weaknesses. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
775 HR doesn't approve. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
776 It's not the holy grail, but you can work your way up. 1.2906 0.04711 117 86 28 3
777 Whosoever pulls the sword from the desk gets to be CEO, explain our last quarterly results, overcome the shareholder hordes at our upcoming annual meeting, and fight off the circling private equity vultures. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
778 Mankoff’s old office. He left this, and a note ‘How about sever? Does sever work for you?’ 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
779 It's a great position, but we haven't found anyone who qualifies. 1.2906 0.04552 117 85 30 2
780 I wasn't awarded my own realm or anything, so I put it back. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
781 It’s for when you have to work knights. 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
782 You've successfully made it through a dozen interviews. Now things get real. 1.2906 0.05571 117 92 16 9
783 Actually, the round table is in the conference room... 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
784 Sadly, his pen was not mightier. 1.2906 0.04865 117 87 26 4
785 Here's the office of our once and future CEO. 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
786 Excalibur? No, just an ostentatious letter opener. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
787 Don't complain. My Secret Santa gift was a kitty cat coffee mug... 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
788 Most people leave a business card. 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
789 I love it, but I think the placement is all wrong. 1.2906 0.04865 117 87 26 4
790 That’s going to leave a mark. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
791 This cuts down on the interview process 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
792 What would you think of a round desk with a few more chairs? 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
793 The legend says whoever can pull out the sword is the one true Regional Sales VP - Midwest Division. 1.2903 0.04828 124 93 26 5
794 Unfortunately, Arthur's skill set was narrower than we had anticipated. 1.2903 0.04548 124 91 30 3
795 It's tough. You have to pull out the sword AND figure out his password. 1.2903 0.05465 124 98 16 10
796 That's the lever that sets the thermostat for the entire floor. 1.2903 0.05343 124 97 18 9
797 Hostile takeover. 1.2903 0.04402 124 90 32 2
798 Holy Grail no. A view of Central Park, yes. 1.2903 0.05583 124 99 14 11
799 It's an exact replica of the one Obama left in the Oval office. 1.2903 0.05092 124 95 22 7
800 Yours leans a little to the left too, huh? 1.2903 0.05465 124 98 16 10
801 Looks like more cuts are coming. 1.2903 0.05219 124 96 20 8
802 I called the British Embassy, but they don't know how to get it out either 1.2903 0.05343 124 97 18 9
803 Probably not the best day to ask him for a raise. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
804 The president has a rather exalted view of his position 1.2893 0.05040 121 92 23 6
805 HR is trying out a new selection process. 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
806 Couldn't even fall on his own sword. 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
807 This is going to be one tough interview. 1.2870 0.05762 115 92 13 10
808 Remember when I told you that the job comes with challenges? 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
809 Surprisingly it was the PowerPoint that killed him. 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
810 The letter opener comes from Texas. 1.2870 0.05762 115 92 13 10
811 You asked if this firm is “old school”? I would say, “Medieval!” 1.2870 0.04904 115 86 25 4
812 That's for opening letters from Kim Jong-Un. 1.2870 0.05628 115 91 15 9
813 Legend has it that whoever can remove the sword can pardon himself for all past and future crimes. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
814 Remove the sword and this corner office with a view is yours, Partner! 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
815 The last guy said it was a letter opener. 1.2870 0.04904 115 86 25 4
816 After the Mueller Report, the Special Prosecutor’s office was returned to its original condition. 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
817 You need an MBA too. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
818 It's to open his paycheck. 1.2870 0.05762 115 92 13 10
819 Arthur has a unique password system. 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
820 This is the toughest part of the interview. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
821 I told you he didn't get the ax. 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
822 Pull the sword and you never have to deal with another email about privacy policy. 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
823 Just one more test, Art, and the window office is yours. 1.2870 0.04746 115 85 27 3
824 Our succession plan is legendary. 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
825 I'd hate to see what his pen looks like. 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
826 The top drawer sticks 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
827 Before we promote you to department head Arthur, you will need to successfully complete one final task ... 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
828 Whoever can remove it will rule H.R. 1.2870 0.04904 115 86 25 4
829 No, you don’t get to rule Britain, but you will be able to use the desk. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
830 Turns out you don't have to be worthy or even qualified. Welcome to D.C. 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
831 It started off as a joke, but no one thought it was funny. Now it's just stuck in there. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
832 Merlin in Human Resources suggested we skip the job interview 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
833 At least he took a stab at it. 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
834 The Request was for a letter opener 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
835 So Arthur, welcome to the job interview. 1.2870 0.05762 115 92 13 10
836 Pulling it out is the easy part. Cutting the red tape with it is another matter. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
837 This is what you need to slay the wolf of wall street. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
838 I really don’t see the point. 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
839 We’ve upgraded our method for screening hires 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
840 Our CEO search committee may need some new blood. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
841 His alternative was to fall on it. 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
842 And the round table is in the conference room. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
843 Your other option is the office with a smart phone. 1.2857 0.04472 112 81 30 1
844 Your interview’s gone well today, Artie. There’s just one last thing ... 1.2857 0.04472 112 81 30 1
845 See Gary, I told you the new boss was incredibly sharp. 1.2845 0.04550 116 85 29 2
846 It's almost as if no one wants to be in charge of our sexual harassment training. 1.2845 0.05449 116 91 17 8
847 Just another side effect of working knights. 1.2844 0.05064 109 82 23 4
848 What did you expect from the King Arthur Flour Company for prospective CEO's ? 1.2844 0.04716 109 80 27 2
849 No, it slides right out, but then you're immediately under indictment. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
850 Next time you might try a fly swatter. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
851 I thought the pen was mightier. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
852 We paid McKinsey a million dollars for a succession strategy. This was their suggestion. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
853 It’s really not hard to pull out, but the company is in receivership. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
854 The company declined his request for a standing desk. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
855 It's going to be hard to find someone of his Excalibur! 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
856 This might be why James manspreads in the conference room. 1.2832 0.05825 113 91 12 10
857 Merlin, down in HR, thought we should give it a try. 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
858 Told you they'd never axe him. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
859 Damocles works from home on Wednesdays. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
860 So, Arthur, tell me why you think you'd be a good fit to lead our company. 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
861 He called it a 'Texas letter opener". 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
862 THERE’s my letter opener! 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
863 I believe it's his way of saying "I quit." 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
864 Sorry, no, this doesn't count as password protected. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
865 Go on, give it a stab. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
866 They’re still looking for someone of the right caliber... 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
867 ...and if you can remove THAT you'll get a key to the executive washroom! 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
868 Our corporate culture has always taken a dim view of backstabbing. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
869 This is the final part of the application process. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
870 Whoso pulleth the sword shall middle-manageth the Human Resources. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
871 Arthur? Guinevere? 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
872 It’s how we will know the one true HR manager. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
873 Yeah, except whoever pulls it out has to fix the desk. 1.2832 0.05687 113 90 14 9
874 Makes a change from being stabbed in the back 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
875 Arthur thought this new job might not be set in stone. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
876 Interesting power point. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
877 The pen may be mightier but this one has wifi controls and an app. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
878 The Once and Future C.E.O. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
879 Yes, that's correct. Then we hang it above your chair by a thread. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
880 Mr. Buffet said it has something to do with who his successor will be. 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
881 This is how we do succession planning. 1.2818 0.04499 110 80 29 1
882 It’s to open the letter Trump got from Kim Jung Un. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
883 I told you they'd give Arthur this office. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
884 The axe must be out for sharpening 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
885 Christ, what an asshole. 1.2818 0.05649 110 87 15 8
886 This is what happens when you binge watch Suits and Game of Thrones in the same weekend. 1.2818 0.05024 110 83 23 4
887 You should see the suit he wears to work. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
888 We had to do that after the last guy fell on his. 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
889 I don't know, but do you think maybe your wife knows your cheating on her? 1.2818 0.05346 110 85 19 6
890 You'll be working very late knights here. 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
891 This looks like a classic desk job. 1.2818 0.05649 110 87 15 8
892 This is where we negotiate contracts with our teachers 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
893 He either has a King Arthur complex or that’s one hell of a letter opener. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
894 Looks like I didn't get the ax, but I'm not sure what this means 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
895 It's a family company, and the old man REALLY doesn't want to retire. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
896 So, you’ve been having issues with your desktop wizard? 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
897 So it really is true that The New Yorker has preserved E. B. White's desk. 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
898 Wow, a sword? You're quite lucky. The last two guys got the axe! 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
899 They say whoever pulls the sword out is the rightful owner to the unclaimed lunch in the corporate fridge. 1.2816 0.04862 103 76 25 2
900 This is a cutthroat industry! 1.2807 0.05361 114 89 18 7
901 Whosoever can remove the sword shall receive a defined benefit pension plan 1.2807 0.05361 114 89 18 7
902 I think he was expecting a round table. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
903 Whoever can pull it out will become the next President. It's a two-edged sword. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
904 The short version is that he expressed that pen being mightier crap once too often. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
905 Fred, we're giving you Damocles' office. He won't be back. 1.2793 0.05748 111 89 13 9
906 ...but the downside is, your wife will cheat on you with Lance from mergers & acquisitions. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
907 Note to self: Don’t hide under desk. 1.2793 0.05604 111 88 15 8
908 King Arthur contemplates the usefulness of his MBA. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
909 Now show me if you have exec caliber. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
910 It's the best the search committee could come up with. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
911 Actually no one has tried. The job really sucks. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
912 So, Mr. Damocles finally retired after all these years. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
913 We got tired of reading resumes and scheduling interviews. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
914 .”..and you’ve met Guinevere in accounting?” 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
915 Have you tried pulling it out and putting it back in again? 1.2793 0.05604 111 88 15 8
916 If you can pull it out, you get health and dental. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
917 Oh that thing. It was put there by the Lady of the Lake Placid Branch and no one can get it out. 1.2793 0.05748 111 89 13 9
918 That's how you sign a resignation letter. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
919 If you can pull it out, we make you CEO until someone stabs you in the back with it. 1.2793 0.04465 111 81 29 1
920 If you can remove the sword, the job is yours. 1.2793 0.05748 111 89 13 9
921 Yeah, Arthur decided to go on a sabbatical. They haven’t found a good replacement yet. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
922 I told you they were changing the password recovery protocol. 1.2793 0.05748 111 89 13 9
923 We’re fairly certain this isn’t Russian collusion, but the British may be involved. 1.2793 0.05604 111 88 15 8
924 The last guy was a bit of a legend. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
925 Yes, I have to agree, the sword is mightier than the laptop. 1.2793 0.05604 111 88 15 8
926 Just pull it out and you’re CEO. 1.2793 0.05889 111 90 11 10
927 I told him that casual weapons day was a bad idea. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
928 We're still on a quest to find a qualified applicant. 1.2793 0.04818 111 83 25 3
929 They say this executive recruiter is a wizard. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
930 If you do get it out, your work-life balance is pretty much shot. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
931 In addition, there are the standard dragons to slay, princesses to awaken, plus amortized capital depreciations to calculate. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
932 Nuh-uh, Damocles, not Arthur. The crew will reset the sword before you move in. 1.2793 0.04818 111 83 25 3
933 Of course the monarchy doesn't have any real power anymore, but you would get a nice corner office. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
934 The last guy couldn't cut it. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
935 So, you said your name was Arthur? 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
936 I think Arthur may be taking his new job a little too seriously 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
937 Remove it, Arthur, and you get my job…although, it's not set in stone. 1.2793 0.04818 111 83 25 3
938 Whoso pulleth out this sword from the desk is rightwise managing partner. 1.2793 0.05604 111 88 15 8
939 I guess we were wrong all along. The sword is mightier than the pen. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
940 Listen up, Art. I knew Arthur, and you're no Arthur. 1.2793 0.05748 111 89 13 9
941 It was the CEO Search Committee's idea. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
942 Yes, our boardroom table is round. Why do you ask? 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
943 The interview process has really gotten tougher. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
944 Actually, the sword is mightier than the pen! 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
945 Subtle 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
946 Why don’t you give it a try, son, while Arthur is getting the coffee? 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
947 Pulling out the sword is easy. Guessing the password is the real test. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
948 This really simplifies the hiring process. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
949 I hear you have pull. Show me. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
950 I think the promotion has gone to Arthur’s head. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
951 I still think Pink Slips work just as well. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
952 Succession plan. 1.2783 0.05319 115 90 18 7
953 I thought the pen was mightier than the sword. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
954 He wasn't even planning on having a vasectomy. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
955 Our succession plan is legendary. 1.2778 0.04713 108 80 26 2
956 We're looking for a candidate with legendary problem solving skills. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
957 We can't make Arthur king, but here's his chance to be CEO! 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
958 It’s going to be hard to replace Arthur. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
959 Stop dreaming, Arthur. You'll never run this company. 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
960 First office bris I've seen. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
961 Apparently the anger management course he took didn't help much. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
962 They say his name was Damocles 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
963 Ah yes, the sword. Nobody knows how it got there, but it's Friday, so nobody really cares either. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
964 ...but if you want a corner office, you should really talk to the Lady of the Water Cooler. 1.2778 0.05859 108 87 12 9
965 Yesterday it was a dead fish. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
966 I guess the meeting is cancelled. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
967 That old trick. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
968 Behold, the "Excaliburstorpen" desk from Ikea 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
969 It’s got to be better than the Electoral College 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
970 Looks like Arthur's trying to make a point again. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
971 The sword's irrelevant; he already thinks he's king. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
972 You should see where he keeps his pen. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
973 It’s much cheaper than hiring a search firm. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
974 Only someone with a pure heart can pull it out. No one has even tried since the Internet was invented. 1.2778 0.05859 108 87 12 9
975 Other execs just throw in the towel. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
976 Remove it and you have a desk. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
977 He was encouraged to resign. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
978 I think that new guy Arthur may have a shot at it. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
979 It's connected to a live 220 socket. He likes to see people jump. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
980 I guess Merlin quit again. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
981 This is the performance task part of the interview. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
982 This is a bad sign for our bonuses 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
983 We're expecting big things from you, Arthur. 1.2778 0.06005 108 88 10 10
984 King would be a lateral move at best. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
985 Arthur must have scheduled another roundtable in the conference room. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
986 If you can pull it out you get the key to the executive bathroom. 1.2778 0.04713 108 80 26 2
987 It wasn't exactly the severance package he expected. 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
988 I thought the new boss was a hatchet man, but I guess this’ll work... 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
989 Here at Goldstein Circumcisions our motto is: "Think Big!" 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
990 I thought he got the axe? 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
991 It's even worse than being axed. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
992 You can't do that with a pen! 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
993 Here's your office Arthur. Good luck getting that out. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
994 It’s Trump’s new citizenship requirement. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
995 Ready to become a legend? 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
996 Our new selection process is backed by a strong body of literature. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
997 ... And this room is where we manage headcount. 1.2778 0.06147 108 89 8 11
998 They say that whoever pulls the sword gets one extra personal day this year. 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
999 Either we pull it or there goes another $31,000 to replace Ben Carson's desk. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1000 Every new hire thinks they are the next Lancelot. 1.2762 0.04588 105 77 27 1
1001 What do we put in the job posting? 1.2762 0.04972 105 79 23 3
1002 His business motto is the art of the steel. 1.2762 0.04384 105 76 29 0
1003 Removing the sword entitles you to a parking space in the building. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
1004 Live by the sword, die by the mid-year headcount rationalization 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1005 Just as I suspected--somebody's been opening my mail. 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1006 Whoso pulleth out this sword from this desk is rightwise awarded the key to the Executive Washroom. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1007 Looks like Mr. Damocles is still out. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1008 Pick your myth: Arthurian or Damoclean? 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
1009 Try yanking it out and see what happens. 1.2736 0.04746 106 79 25 2
1010 I guess the sword is mightier than the pen 1.2736 0.04746 106 79 25 2
1011 Tough situation. Would you like to take a stab at it? 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1012 I’ll try Arthur in IT. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1013 We find it takes the guesswork out of selecting a new CEO. 1.2736 0.05613 106 84 15 7
1014 Wow. I thought "they're gonna get medieval on your ass" was metaphorical. 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
1015 Prophecy tells of a young Wharton graduate. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1016 This is Arthur's office, he's been slaying it. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1017 The knight shift isn't for everyone. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1018 I only wish we could choose our U.S. President this way. 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
1019 Our CEO vetting process is somewhat dated. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1020 But you cannot stand on the desk. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1021 Do you think it's too subtle? 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1022 And here's where we separate the job applicants from the qualified employees. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1023 We wait for a hero who will slay bureaucracy. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1024 I was wondering where I'd left my sword. 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
1025 We here at Excalibur LLC like to hold on to our traditions 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1026 Our CEO has begun succession planning. 1.2736 0.05613 106 84 15 7
1027 Any concerns, just let me know. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1028 He vowed to fall on his sword if the company went bankrupt but then he grabbed his golden parachute and has not been seen since. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1029 He Never Saw it Coming. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1030 Actually, he got the ax. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1031 This position has some unique requirements. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1032 I critiqued his first draft and he said he'd take another stab at it... 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1033 I know the pen is mightier, but I needed to make a point. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1034 He said no one else could use his letter opener. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1035 Actually, it was placed by his wife while he was having sex on the desk. 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
1036 The last person to pull it out stuck it back in and left after just 4 days. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1037 I never thought I’d say this, but I guess it’s a good thing he’s never at his desk. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1038 Arthur always had a flare for the dramatic. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1039 Hilt to the left means he’s getting coffee. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1040 Somehow, "The Sword in the Desk" doesn't have that mythic ring. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1041 We should have gotten him the round table. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1042 You go first. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1043 So far no one has been able to replace him. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1044 Pulling it out is the easy part. Cutting the red tape with it is something else again! 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1045 Thank you for coming in. We've been trying to fill this position for ages. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1046 I'm not sure Myers Briggs captures her personality type. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1047 We decided that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a corporate structure. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1048 You called him 'Garfield' 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1049 The IT guys call it “rightful heir recognition technology.” 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1050 That's not a round table. 1.2718 0.04818 103 77 24 2
1051 The next candidate will arrive shortly. His name is King. Arthur King. He claims he's good with swords. 1.2718 0.04616 103 76 26 1
1052 That's the key to the executive washroom. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1053 Not me. You pull it. 1.2718 0.05885 103 83 12 8
1054 I guess the rumors of a hostile takeover are true. 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1055 The consolation prize is full medical for your hernia 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1056 You know Arthur, sometimes The Sword In The Desk is just a sword in a desk. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1057 Buy on myth, sell on rumor 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1058 It looks like Mr. Damacle’s position just opened up... 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1059 It’s his way of ending budget debates. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1060 Its what he uses to stop the buck. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1061 It's just as difficult, but here the rewards are less legendary. 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1062 Bummer, I really thought he was the one. 1.2718 0.04818 103 77 24 2
1063 You should see her with a pen in her hand. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1064 Deskcalibur. 1.2718 0.05552 103 81 16 6
1065 looks like it's going to be a rough day. 1.2718 0.05552 103 81 16 6
1066 Its our succession plan 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1067 This is the final stop on our tour of the MOMA 1.2718 0.05885 103 83 12 8
1068 We call it the king maker. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1069 Remove the sword and you will be King of Accounts Receivable. 1.2718 0.05885 103 83 12 8
1070 I suppose it beats getting axed. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1071 He bet me I couldn't cut his dick off while he was behind his desk. What would you have done? 1.2718 0.05885 103 83 12 8
1072 Believe me, it’s easier than trying to remember your password. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1073 You think he made his point before he quit. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1074 It seems the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1075 You show me. ARE you worthy of a corner office? 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
1076 Well, I see Arthur is out of the office. 1.2710 0.05722 107 86 13 8
1077 It is written, "She who pulleth out this sword of this desk, will make some serious changes around here." 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
1078 This is Arthur's desk 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
1079 Whoever could remove it would become CEO, but no one has tried due to work-comp rules. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1080 But I don't want to be the next Secretary of Veterans Affairs. 1.2692 0.05834 104 84 12 8
1081 Saves time in having to review resumes. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1082 So you'll be using Arthur's office for now.... 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1083 Maybe we'd be better off without a king. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1084 This isn't even the half of it. Thursdays he shows up in a full suit of armor. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1085 Our interview process is a bit unconventional. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1086 Wouldn’t it make more sense to use a search firm? 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1087 Unfortunately our policy with respect to medieval weapons was quite vague. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1088 Arthur's thoughts on succession were very clear. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1089 Mr. Arthur had several unsubstantiated claims on his resume. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1090 He's on leave at present. Hernia operation. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1091 It’s a sad and sworded story. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1092 We all chipped-in for the letter opener. 1.2692 0.04779 104 78 24 2
1093 Is this how we're doing succession planning now? 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1094 As I said, Arthur's leadership skills are quite unconventional, yet they are direct, cutting edge, and get right to the point! 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1095 The cleaning lady put it there." 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1096 I know it's somewhat unbelievable but last person who held this job was a woman. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1097 Maybe he couldn't find a pen. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1098 And it is said that one day a champion will rise to become CEO of the Britons... 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1099 That's one hell of a letter opener. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1100 That puts the "Ex" in "Calibur." 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1101 Bob isn't taking the cuts to our benefits well. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1102 It’s just a formality. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1103 You and I don’t need to worry. This is only for the diverse employees and the women. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1104 Go get Arthur from accounting. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1105 I wonder how his exit interview went. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1106 Legend has it that if you can pull the sword out from the desk, all your sexual harassment suits will be settled before going to court with no press. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1107 We're going back to basics to choose the next CEO. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1108 The window office doesn't come easy. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1109 If Human Resources doesn't find King Arthur soon, we will run out of desks. 1.2692 0.04371 104 76 28 0
1110 It’s an unconventional way of choosing a CEO but give it a try. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1111 That’s odd. I heard Bob got the ax. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1112 Legend says, 'Whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk is rightwise king of the window office.' 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1113 'So you see, we've updated our selection process for the internship.' 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1114 It's the new hiring process. Pull it out and you can skip the next three interviews. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1115 I understand that the Executive Search Committee has decided to simplify the process 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1116 He who can free the blade gets comprehensive health and ten vacation days. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1117 Does this mean I can have your old letter opener 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1118 This is nothing. Previously the CEO candidates had to perform the Twelve Labours of Hercules. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1119 whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk is rightwise CEO born of the Company 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1120 So King Arthur just gave his two weeks notice 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1121 It was weird enough when our last boss ordered a stone desk. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1122 We're not allowed to try until Health and Safety gives the all clear. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1123 I told him never to hide under the desk! 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1124 You can come out now, Harold. You did NOT get the axe. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1125 Dave From Accounting and His Nights at the Square Table 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1126 You only get to be CEO. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1127 If you can remove it, you will unite the accounting department, and lead us to a strong fourth quarter. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1128 And this used to be Merlin’s office. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1129 The letter opener actually works. 1.2692 0.04779 104 78 24 2
1130 Is that an invitation to a quest or a hint of what’s to come? 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1131 He who removeth it shall... Ah to hell with it. You want the job or not? 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1132 They say the first person to remove the sword from the desk will wield unlimited inter-departmental power. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1133 Whosoever pulleth Excalibur from this desk shall be rightly named the next Regional Manager for Northeast Ohio. 1.2692 0.05834 104 84 12 8
1134 Even if you pull it out, you still have to get approved by the board of directors. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1135 Don't look under the desk. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1136 It's not the executive search process I'd have picked either, but the Lady of the Lake is on the board. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1137 This is why we tell you to turn on spell check. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1138 The way it usually goes around here is the someone who pulls it out uses it to stab someone else in the back. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1139 Last time he hides under his desk! 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1140 Seems like a lot of effort for a better parking space. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1141 Oh My. And I thought ‘...,Die by the sword,’ was just metaphorical. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1142 The Board has decided to choose the new CEO by using the Merlin method. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1143 King Arthur abdicated once he realized there was more money in investment banking. 1.2692 0.04779 104 78 24 2
1144 And he was worried about getting the axe. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1145 Seems like only yesterday she was a letter opener. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1146 You can't beat the view but that letter opener is so pre-email... 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1147 It's actual easy to remove, but nobody wants the job. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1148 The old man always had a flare for the dramatic. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1149 I thought the pen was mightier. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1150 A round table would be more compelling. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1151 Leaders today prefer the shield of limited liability. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1152 HR's new approach to eliminate all those tedious rounds of interviews. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1153 Well, that explains his bandaged pelvis. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1154 I liked it better when it was just a 'dog eat dog' world. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1155 So now I know why the job's been open so long. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1156 Wow...what happened to the old "pink slip"? 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1157 The boss caught him hiding under his desk again. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1158 Jim, I thought we’ve gone over this. It’s the pen that’s mightier. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1159 At least he took a stab at middle management. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1160 I keep taking it out, but Art keeps putting it back. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1161 I look high and low for my letter opener, and - bam - there it is. 1.2692 0.04579 104 77 26 1
1162 This Disney merger has really been magical. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1163 Ah man, I told him he needed to get his desk SORTED. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1164 The lady from Lake Office Supplies stopped by. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1165 Sure, you could pull it out, but then you'd have to be the new VP of Marketing AND King of England. 1.2692 0.04779 104 78 24 2
1166 No, it's not a challenge for new hires. The former CEO is under the desk. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1167 big envelopes 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1168 My kingdom for some WD-40! 1.2692 0.04779 104 78 24 2
1169 It's for opening your really big envelopes. 1.2692 0.05834 104 84 12 8
1170 Behold Excalibur! The sword of power! Forged when copiers and staplers and sticky notes were One with Man, and PowerPoint was but a dream! 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1171 This is the office of one of our retired partners. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1172 There it is, Floyd... draw the sword and we’ll finally vanquish the poor and defenseless. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1173 Think of it as management's quest to avoid poring over a stack of resumes. 1.2692 0.04779 104 78 24 2
1174 Many have tried for the corner office, Mr. Arthur ... 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1175 Well, we have our answer. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1176 We're looking for some one with an Ivy League MBA who is well versed in Arthurian legend. 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1177 I'm just glad it wasn't a typo after all - he honestly meant to threaten to leave a large sword on my desk and not a large "s-word." 1.2692 0.05834 104 84 12 8
1178 Don't get excited. It's just a tease. So far, everyone in middle-management has pulled it out. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1179 We have a very competitive severance package. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1180 Merlin,can you join us in here? 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1181 Still, I kinda miss nepotism. 1.2667 0.05624 105 84 14 7
1182 "See, commas as important. H.R. had him listed as King, Arthur --not King Arthur! 1.2667 0.05784 105 85 12 8
1183 At least he left us with a succession plan. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1184 Who so pulleth out this sword from this desk is right wise regional director of sales for the greater Toledo area. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1185 The pen has been trumped by the sword! 1.2667 0.05940 105 86 10 9
1186 And your armor is being delivered to the mail room. 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1187 Did you call IT? 1.2667 0.05784 105 85 12 8
1188 I thought they usually used an axe. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1189 I think they should go back to pink slips. 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1190 Okay...this is the final step in our interview process. 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1191 Police say he misread the memo as, “casualty friday.” 1.2667 0.05940 105 86 10 9
1192 We haven’t had a secretary in over 600 years. 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1193 Looks like the best democratic candidate in 2020 is a sword. 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1194 Apparently, "he who removes the sword", gets the corner office, with a view. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1195 This is the final part of your interview. 1.2667 0.05624 105 84 14 7
1196 That's cute, Gary, but I'm still going to need to see your references. 1.2667 0.05784 105 85 12 8
1197 I guess it is quite mighty after all. 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1198 Yah, just like the movie. Except instead of a king, you'll be mid-management. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1199 Arthur’s family must be in town again. 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
1200 Come out from under the desk Arthur. We know you're here. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1201 It looks like H.R. is going old-school. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1202 Hostile takeover. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1203 Nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition. 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
1204 I did say that I was looking for a challenge. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1205 Oh no, not again... 1.2647 0.05732 102 82 13 7
1206 Arthur is never in before 4pm. He works the knight shift. 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
1207 He came, he worked, and i guess he conquered. 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
1208 Looks like he complained about the sushi again 1.2647 0.05899 102 83 11 8
1209 At King Arthur Flour we have a unique process for selecting a CEO. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1210 I was just hoping for the accounting position 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1211 Only the true president can remove the sword. We used to do electoral colleges, but the sword is more accurate. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1212 What requirements we do have for this office are not set in stone 1.2626 0.04671 99 74 24 1
1213 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk is rightwise heir of this occupation... plus full benefits and two weeks paid vacation. 1.2621 0.04772 103 78 23 2
1214 Oil mogul, Excaliburton. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1215 HR is having trouble finding the right person for the job. So they're giving this a whirl. 1.2604 0.04503 96 71 25 0
1216 Take your time, but remember that evidence of a Google search will automatically disqualify you. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1217 The search firm recommended it. 1.2604 0.04503 96 71 25 0
1218 Our IT guys think it might be Russian. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1219 It was easy. It's an IKEA desk. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1220 All he said was 'I'm sick of this desk, I want a round table' 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1221 The desk isn’t even round. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1222 So Conan got laid off. 1.2600 0.04632 100 75 24 1
1223 I guess the barbarians made it past the gate... 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1224 At least he took a stab at the desk job. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1225 It's time for him to switch to a fly swatter. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1226 He's just having a hard fortnight. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1227 Once again. She missed the point. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1228 I don't see the point. 1.2577 0.04922 97 74 21 2
1229 Mr Damocles, it's time. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1230 This interview round is going to have a practical component. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1231 ...and they say he who pulls the sword will solve the production problems of the model 3 1.2577 0.05913 97 79 11 7
1232 The boss is a legend in his own mind. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1233 Carl really needs to stop watching Game of Thrones 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1234 THAT’s one resignation note that’s clear. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1235 …plus, a key to the executive bathroom, reserved parking space, golf club membership, dominion over all you survey, and a crown. 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
1236 Seriously, if you can get it out, it’s all yours. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1237 The desk is yours if you think you can cut it 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1238 Art re-living his glory days again. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1239 He who pulls the sword from the desk shall be bestowed dental coverage. 1.2577 0.04922 97 74 21 2
1240 And I’ve only got one week to come up with a caption for it. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1241 The beheadings will continue until morale improves. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1242 Whoso pulleth this sword of this desk is rightwise majority shareholder of the shell company that owns the shell company that owns the copyright to the crown of England. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1243 He who lives by the desk, shall die by the desk. 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
1244 You would think that with only one requirement it wouldn't take that long to fill the position. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1245 So, as I was saying, before you can finish your probationary period in upper management, you'll have to meet some new benchmarks. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1246 The last one to pull it out was Kennedy. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1247 He won't retire until his replacement proves himself. 1.2553 0.04522 94 70 24 0
1248 They say whoever pulls it out, will be fired. 1.2553 0.05002 94 72 20 2
1249 Leave it as a sundial. 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1250 Whoever takes a stab at that job had better be of the highest executive caliber. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1251 They called him Office Maximus. 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1252 Looks like the top job is up for grabs. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1253 Millenials. Go figure. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1254 You have a better chance getting the sword out, than winning the New Yorker Caption Contest 1.2551 0.04658 98 74 23 1
1255 I already called building maintenance, they're sending up that new guy, Artie 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1256 Then, once it is yours, emulate those who preceded you and stab others in the back. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1257 Here at Trump, Inc., we believe the sword is mightier than then pen. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1258 Lance called in sick today. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1259 He was supposed to fall on it. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1260 This time, the pen lost. 1.2551 0.04658 98 74 23 1
1261 I knew I should have worked from home today. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1262 Guess we're hiring. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1263 Things just haven't been the same around here since Billy was found sleeping under his desk. 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
1264 Yeah, but where's Damocles? 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1265 He did say he would take a stab at it. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1266 He always seemed like the type to fall on his sword 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1267 His letter-opener matched his ego. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1268 As the prophecy states, ‘He who removes the sword shall be crowned the Deputy Assistant Vice President of Regional Development Operations’ 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1269 I wonder if that new guy, Arthur, knows about this. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1270 Looks like HR has posted another job opening. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1271 What makes you so sure the takeover will be hostile? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1272 We call it Excelcalibur 1.2551 0.05858 98 80 11 7
1273 It's been there since the Kennedy administration. 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
1274 Our succession plan is a bit medieval. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1275 Yeah, it’s solid. It was imported from China just in time. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1276 Have you considered just hitting "forgot password"? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1277 Let me guess. This was Arthur's old office? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1278 So are you ready to try this, Randolph? I can remember when you came in on the ground floor and made short work of the Augean Stables. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1279 Looks like the hostile takeover won. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1280 Actually, legal says we can’t call it Excalibur, so Pointy McPointface, it is. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1281 Who keeps a letter opener in their desk anymore? 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1282 Arthur is out to lunch. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1283 This isn't a job interview per se. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1284 It doesn't mean a thing, just the usual office politics around here. 1.2551 0.04658 98 74 23 1
1285 Last guy walked out the door yelling "FREEDOM." 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1286 No. He couldn't pull it out either. Now he's having an identity crisis. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1287 He only works knights. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1288 I guess Mitch is attending his anger management class today. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1289 we get the point 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1290 This isn't what I meant when I said to leave honest feedback on my desk 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1291 I know it's worked before, but isn't there a better way to find our next CEO. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1292 His wife has terrible temper. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1293 We had to design around it. Is it obvious? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1294 Is your greed pure enough? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1295 Just be careful where you put your knees. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1296 Leave it for the knight crew. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1297 If you don't get the sword, you get the axe instead. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1298 You should see his pen. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1299 He fired Damocles. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1300 The new FBI Director will have special powers. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1301 All of our promotions are merit based. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1302 Looks like the position is still open. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1303 Oh, he was pretty good. But a legend? No. Not quite a legend. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1304 Damocles had this office before you. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1305 Wait till you see the executive washroom. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1306 Last week, Jerry got the ax. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1307 Welcome aboard, Arthur, and be glad your name's not Damocles. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1308 The latest and best letter opener. 1.2551 0.04658 98 74 23 1
1309 Unlike a pink slip, you can use this over and over again. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1310 It’s Trump’s latest ‘Apprentice’ challenge. Whoever can remove it gets to be the new White House Chief of Staff. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1311 Call Arthur in Security. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1312 You're saying if I pull the sword from that desk, I get my own toilet? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1313 The last letter he opened made him angry" 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1314 I’m impressed. That’s a granite countertop. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1315 The legend lives on. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1316 I thought it was a metaphor . 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1317 Man, these password security challenges are getting really tough. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1318 It looks like the pen is taking a back seat in this one. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1319 We prefer a different approach to interviewing here at King Arthur Flour. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1320 I guess Arthur wasn’t ready for such a big career change 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1321 Good thing that Damocles called in sick today. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1322 Have Human Resources lower the bar or we won't fill this spot in our lifetime. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1323 So, it looks like the rumors about downsizing are true. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1324 It simplifies the vetting process. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1325 Pull to the right to make the chair go up. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1326 The janitor takes it out every night when she cleans, and then puts it back, but they still won't give her the position. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1327 Well, the sword is definitely mightier than the desk. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1328 Whomsoever removes the sword becomes accounts receivable. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1329 Feeling mythical, Lance? 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1330 Finding a new CEO is taking longer than we anticipated. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1331 I miss when you could just apply online. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1332 Legend has it that whoever pulls it out gets to be CEO. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1333 I still say the pen is mightier. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1334 And the irony is it’s bulletproof. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1335 These new login password requirements are getting ridiculous. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1336 That's the last time I do happy hour at Medieval Times. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1337 Our founder had some issues regarding his succession. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1338 As you can see, it was a hostile takeover. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1339 This is the last step in the selection process. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1340 You know, I appreciate the imagery, but whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk is rightwise assistant manager of all human resources just doesn't have the same ring to it. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1341 Arthur will be back soon to pull it out. He's in Mueller's office answering a few questions. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1342 I thought he got axed. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1343 Yesterday they said it was the Russians, today who knows. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1344 Promotions here are merit based, but rare. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1345 He cuts a mean deal. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1346 Imported Camelot Marble. It was a Groupon. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1347 This is the place where legends are made 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1348 It's, like, I get it, we make swords. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1349 Remove it and the office is yours. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1350 HR has taken the interview process to a whole new level. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1351 And this is where we keep the Executive Letter Opener. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1352 Clearly #metoo again. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1353 I think Arthur is taking the CEO selection far too seriously. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1354 It’s not even a round table. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1355 These Google interviews are getting more and more ridiculous 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1356 Pull this off, and the corner office is yours. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1357 Ah. I see he's been served. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1358 If the job was any good, they would have put it in a stone. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1359 Next, I’ll show you where we keep the three-hole punch. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1360 Must be at home, falling on his pen..... 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1361 Someone named Arthur called and said he can remove it with no problem. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1362 The career path here depends on skill with e-mail and the s-word. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1363 You should see his tweets. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1364 Clearly a message from the higher-ups. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1365 Don't scoot in too far. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1366 That's some resignation! 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1367 It's said whomever pulls out the sword gets a free desk with slight damage. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1368 We will expect you to stay late and work knights. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1369 Samurai resignation letter ? 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1370 It's been there for ages. Apparently 'pure of heart' and 'CEO' are mutually exclusive. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1371 You are correct sir. That is an odd place for a flag. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1372 Paperless business solutions, are never dull. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1373 I think this is Arthur's resignation. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1374 the desk had it coming. 1.2526 0.06165 95 79 8 8
1375 Reportedly, Mr. Sessions thought he saw a Dreamer crawl under his desk. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1376 I guess it's worth a try. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1377 Last time he was here, he left a silver bullet. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1378 So here is the last step in your job interview. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1379 Try doing THAT with a pen! 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1380 Only the once and future CEO can yield Excalibur. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1381 Well how do YOU think we should choose a CEO? 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1382 Not so mighty. The last guy left a pen 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1383 If you can pull it out, the job is yours, Arty. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1384 They didn’t tell us the new installment would be THIS cutting-edge... 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1385 Before we discuss salary, there is one more step in the interview process. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1386 I think you’re a great fit, but the final say is out of my hands. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1387 Did you call Arthur from I.T.? 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1388 If only Perkins had stayed with us in the cubicles... he could have fallen on his sword for us all. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1389 Do we dare to look under the desk? 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1390 That had to hurt. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1391 Needless to say, our conference room table is round. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1392 If you succeed, you shall rule Accounts Receivable with the world’s largest letter opener. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1393 Harry's analysis was to invest in plowshares. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1394 And that’s the last time anyone hid beneath her desk. 1.2526 0.04725 95 72 22 1
1395 Arthur has such a ridiculous letter opener. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1396 The pen lost. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1397 I guess the pen isn't always mightier... 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1398 Lance, I like you a lot, but don't get any ideas. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1399 this makes hiring the next CEO a little more interesting. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1400 We asked Arthur to clean his desk when he retired, but he said "not my job anymore." 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1401 Legend tells of a wise CEO. Still waiting. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1402 Do you think he is upset for being fired. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1403 He was right. It does stop here. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1404 I’ll take that as his resignation letter. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1405 The boss warned him not nap under his desk 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1406 Once upon a time all a person needed was an MBA. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1407 What a week for Arthur to go on vacation. 1.2526 0.04482 95 71 24 0
1408 This used to be Mitt Romney‘s office. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1409 I think we need to update our succession plan. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1410 I own a fifty one percent stake and it still won’t budge! 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1411 With any luck he's under the desk. 1.2526 0.04482 95 71 24 0
1412 Maybe this would be a better way to choose a President? 1.2526 0.04482 95 71 24 0
1413 As you can see, the board is still holding out for the 'One True CEO'. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1414 It seems he used the words 'watery bint' one time too many. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1415 We at Camelot Inc. believe in upholding tradition throughout the hiring process. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1416 You think the letter opener is big ? Wait 'til you meet your new secretary. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1417 But if you fail, you're transformed into an Uber driver. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1418 'Me Too' strikes again. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1419 That's his letter opener from Kim Jong Un... 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1420 No, he was very specific- if it comes out, the job is yours. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1421 We could ship it to England, but they would charge us 25% tariff for the steel . 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1422 They say this is how Arthur Anderson was founded. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1423 You do realize Arthur, this new position requires you to work knightly. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1424 I'll get Art the janitor to remove that. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1425 We still need to clean out the previous occupant’s effects..er..stuff. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1426 And, now we come to the final stage of the interview process. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1427 It was Pam, from accounting, with the sword in the board room. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1428 Jeffries was a casualty of a VERY hostile takeover. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1429 His LinkedIn profile said 'sharp and incisive'. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1430 My pen is still mightier!!! 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1431 If she can do it, it breaks the glass ceiling. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1432 He dared to ask for a raise 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1433 The sword in the desk just doesn't have the same ring to it. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1434 It's easy to remove the sword. It's just that nobody wants to be king of Sears. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1435 There's also a note titled 'to the guy who's replacing me' 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1436 The only risk is whoever succeeds could be an unqualified, inexperienced lunatic. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1437 She's downtown, waiting for the prints to arrive. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1438 I suspect Viviane from personnel put it there. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1439 Tell Arthur we are running out of time. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1440 When they offered me the position, I said I'd take a stab at it. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1441 Well Arthur it appears the job is yours 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1442 They're making it harder and harder to get a promotion these days. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1443 Here it is, that hostile takeover bid we know would come. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1444 That's what everyone thinks, but actually he was just really pissed off. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1445 Only a woman can save us now. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1446 To be fair, he was always telling us to work to the hilt. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1447 You'll get used to it. This is actually a pretty normal Tuesday. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1448 I know he didn't like the desk, but did he have to kill it? 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1449 We work knights around here. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1450 Honestly, he tries every day. Now, he blames IT. 1.2526 0.04725 95 72 22 1
1451 He's going to interview at King Arthur Flour. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1452 It's an old-fashioned hostile takeover. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1453 I think it got him in the . . . . the particulars. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1454 No one has been able to pull it out, so it looks like we'll have to hire an executive serach firm after all. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1455 A rather aggressive form of hacking, no? 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1456 And finally the office of the Once and Future CEO 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1457 'I was kinda expecting a note of some sort.' 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1458 I’m just glad it’s not a pen. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1459 Me? Gosh no. I've never tried. I'm afraid of failure. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1460 His tenure was one brief, shining moment. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1461 Poor Bob. He kept saying a Sword of Damocles hanging over him, but no one took it seriously. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1462 Do you have what it takes to be the Once and Future Accountant? 1.2526 0.06165 95 79 8 8
1463 Looks like the corporate pirates made a visit. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1464 It's mightier than the pen, AND the table. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1465 According to Merlin, it's our only hope of finding someone capable of leading us through Brexit. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1466 I see his ex wife was here. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1467 It's just a pen. But you must admit the metaphor is rather compelling. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1468 Reserved for whosoever can worketh our Merlin database. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1469 It’s cheaper and more effective than a motivational speaker. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1470 Should we leave a note? 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1471 I've told you before, actors just aren't meant for the corporate world. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1472 He was always en garde. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1473 So much for a letter of resignation. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1474 It's said that the employee who can remove the sword from the desk will own the company, yet the guy who put it there got fired. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1475 Looks like he received an answer to his harassment complaint. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1476 Hackers. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1477 I meant I wanted a tribute to Dr. King, Arthur. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1478 Do it and you'll be treated like a king around here. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1479 Alex said it wasn't even fit to be tied. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1480 The employee who can remove it gets full benifits. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1481 Go ahead, Art. Give it a try. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1482 And now to the final stage of your interview. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1483 The caption writes itself. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1484 So much for hiding safely under the desk! 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1485 He uses it as a letter opener. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1486 Let’s just say it was a forced retirement. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1487 I told them not to lay off Arthur. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1488 If anyone can get the sword out of the desk, then we will not have to buy another desk. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1489 Legend? No, one of the interns got drunk at Bill's retirement party and now we can't get it out 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1490 I guess the rumor about a hostile takeover is true! 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1491 I heard his stress ball broke 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1492 Oh, and try not to hit the chair's 'raise' lever. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1493 He leaves it like that when he goes to the men's room. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1494 Whoso pulleth the sword must repaireth the hole in the desk. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1495 He told me to take a stab at the problem - so I did. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1496 I guess this explains why he didn't set an out out office reply. 1.2526 0.06165 95 79 8 8
1497 He seemed to go from high caliber to Excalibur over night. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1498 This company's mortgaged to the hilt. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1499 Whomever can pull the sword from the desk will be the next CEO 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1500 Whoever can pull this out gets the Santa Barbara office. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1501 Many men have tried, and failed, to claim the corner office, MacMillen. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1502 He'll get it out. He's been doing pilates. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1503 Last time he drew a line. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1504 There is a legend about the sword and our glorious future leader, but truth is we bought it at a sale with a messy divorce settlement. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1505 If you can pull it out, the whole company is yours. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1506 If you can pull it out, the place is yours. 1.2526 0.04725 95 72 22 1
1507 Your predecessor thought it was a letter opener. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1508 Rudy had a eureka moment; he said this will prove the legitimacy of the current leadership. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1509 Someone mentioned succession planning. The next day this appeared. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1510 One more little HR formality, Artie, and the job is yours. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1511 We’re only accepting applicants named Arthur 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1512 He's a bit old school in that he still thinks the sword is mightier than the pen 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1513 It's an archaic way to choose our sales manager, Arthur, but we've been able to completely eliminate the Personnel Department. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1514 Dangit, he left his desk light on again. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1515 It's not a clever metaphor. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1516 If you can pull out the sword the job is yours. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1517 That old guy Merlin from maintenance told me to come up here and give it a pull. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1518 The search committee has apparently reached a dead end. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1519 You try it. I dont want the job. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1520 I feel like my MBA was a wasted effort. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1521 Did you say your name was Arthur? 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1522 Legend says whoever can lift it will be crowned Senior Vice President of New England Operations. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1523 It's not what you think. It's for manila envelopes. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1524 Well, Arthur...you really have your work cut out for you. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1525 So Arthur, think you've got what it takes to become Vice President - Assistant -Administrative Services 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1526 In this case, I think the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1527 Ugh... I hate when I forget my password. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1528 No its not a symbol nor a test of any kind. My secretary actually tried to kill me. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1529 This is the third time we’re replacing Arthur’s desk. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1530 I am not buying the Ambien defense. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1531 We've had some trouble filling this position. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1532 HR isn't completely on board with this new hiring strategy. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1533 His parting words were that he was having an ‘Ambien moment’. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1534 I've really had it... 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1535 It was one my more difficult exit interviews. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
1536 We discourage napping. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1537 Pull it out and they say they'll overlook your time in the Trump Administration. 1.2500 0.05923 96 79 10 7
1538 For this position, we will ignore the conventional job interview process. 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
1539 First place gets the sword, second place,... the ax. 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1540 He was not too happy about being asked to retire. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
1541 Remove the sword and claim old Art's office or go back to your cubicle. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1542 The pen is indeed mightier, but this adds negotiating flair! 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1543 Arthur, you just need to do one thing and the CEO position is yours. 1.2500 0.05923 96 79 10 7
1544 Looks like he finally got the point. 1.2500 0.05735 96 78 12 6
1545 I trust you'll find your new office has everything you need, Arthur. 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
1546 I guess he's really upset by the Russian question. 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
1547 How will the ploughshareholders feel about this? 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
1548 Damocles quit, citing a hostile work environment. 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
1549 The selection committee just couldn't reach a consensus on a new CEO, so this is plan "B". 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1550 It's from our executive search company. 1.2500 0.05923 96 79 10 7
1551 Take it, Arthur, and the corner office is yours. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1552 Pull that thing out of there, Arthur, and Merlin in procurement will get you a round table! 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
1553 Our executive vetting process is somewhat antiquated. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1554 We just can’t get George to finish that Thrones book. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
1555 Arthur always had a flare for the dramatic. 1.2500 0.05911 92 75 11 6
1556 Wow, I didnt know the boss left early to return to Camelot. He is really sticking it to us! 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1557 He just could not make the cut. 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1558 She didn't name a successor. 1.2500 0.05923 96 79 10 7
1559 No, this is Wll Street. You have to stick in to the hilt. 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1560 His pen wasn't mightier. 1.2500 0.05735 96 78 12 6
1561 He who pulls the sword from the desk is rightwise king of the corner office. 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1562 He fell under his sword. 1.2475 0.05523 101 82 13 6
1563 Well, it looks like Arthur’s been rewatching Game of Thrones at the office again... 1.2474 0.04642 97 74 22 1
1564 Once the prophecy unfolds, he or she will micromanage all that they can see. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1565 He could have ruled this company, if he hadn't been napping under his desk at the time. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1566 We'd like you to take a stab at the final interview challenge. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1567 It's our new interview process! 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1568 Only the rightful C.F.O. can pull the sword from the desk, but we're looking for someone with an M.B.A. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1569 As you can see, we've decided to simplify our interviewing process. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1570 After the interviews, we will be contacting your references and assessing your divine right to the position. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1571 I am clueless. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1572 Remember, Art - If you don't pull it out , you go back to the mailroom! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1573 Who should we contact first: the S.E.C, H.R., or Merlin? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1574 He's inside and safe. I saw this trick once at Las Vegas. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1575 Personally it wouldn't be my first choice as a letter opener. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1576 Give it a try, but you should know a dragon ate our last three CEOs. 1.2473 0.06049 93 77 9 7
1577 It's a Sicilian message... It means don't even think about a signing bonus. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1578 Someone needs to call Merlin in HR. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1579 This was easier than having an HR department 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1580 If you can pull it out, you're CEO. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1581 When he left, he said there could be only one man capable of replacing him. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1582 Is it just me, or has our company become a little too passive-aggressive? 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1583 I know it's a medieval way of doing things, but it avoids any need for an electoral college. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1584 So you want to run this place someday, huh? 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1585 It's always been a point of pride to him that flattery never got Damocles a window office. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1586 As yet, no one has accepted his challenge. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1587 Don't touch it. We prefer to let him believe he's the only one who can wield it. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1588 It's called Deskcalibur. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1589 It's part of a company-wide initiative to encourage standing. 1.2473 0.04751 93 71 21 1
1590 And here is the legendary key to the executive washroom. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1591 If you can get that sword out of my desk I'll give you an extra week off and a corner office. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1592 Can your pen do that. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1593 it's just temporary while he gets his rock refinished 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1594 The trick is paying minimum wage employees to pull it out, then taking all the credit and the promotion. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1595 The bonus hurdles are getting ridiculous around here. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1596 I told you you'd be forced to make severe cuts. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1597 At least he died with a sword in his foot. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1598 And here's the guy who makes all the tough calls. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1599 They pick CEO’s a little differently here. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1600 Employee turnover has skyrocketed since we introduced Fight Cub Fridays. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1601 We have a strict “no sleeping under the desk” policy. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1602 Harold this may be your opportunity to win over Guinevere from accounting. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1603 So this is how Arthur became our CEO. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1604 Someday Arthur, all this will be yours. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1605 I hope someone manages to pull it out soon. We're tanking without a CEO. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1606 Another desk job ! 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1607 That's one way to get axed... 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1608 It's not to late to opt out and participate in the Trust Fall. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1609 It must have been a crazy knight 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1610 It's HR's new aptitude test. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1611 HR has devised this final test to see how you'll fit into our team. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1612 If you can't remove it, they remove you. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1613 Well, looks like he went through with pardoning himself. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1614 It also doubles as a key to the executive washroom 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1615 Can someone call Artie on the custodial staff to take care of this? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1616 but we just ate Arthur... 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1617 We've narrowed the number of candidates down to you and one other applicant. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1618 This promotion is epic. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1619 That's the letter opener. You don't even want to see the pen and pencil set. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1620 This is the CEOs succession plan. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1621 The newest cutting-edge technology, they said. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1622 I still think it's a silly way to select a CEO. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1623 Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1624 Some people just can't take a joke. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1625 She could have just quit with a note! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1626 We were all out of axes, so he got the sword. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1627 Somehow his wife knew exactly where his assistant was. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1628 This is our pen mightiness test laboratory. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1629 Only the blue collar workers get the axe. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1630 Only the purest of heart will be able to pull the sword from the desk and become White House Chief of staff...and then fall upo the sword, too. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1631 If you get it out, we can give you the Wi-Fi password. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1632 Whoever pulls the sword out of the desk will be the next CEO. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1633 Our symbology dept is still working out whether it’s a threat or an honour. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1634 HR said it has to be more gender neutral. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1635 Would someone get Damocles in here? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1636 After the third requests for a round table, Facilities left this... 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1637 You're allowed one phone call to a wizard. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1638 Do you think we should check for him under the desk? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1639 This is the Mel Gibson desk I bought at auction. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1640 Go see if there's any WD-40 in the janitor's closet. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1641 I guess someone should tell Damocles that it’s safe to come back in. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1642 Well, Arthur, maybe you are in line for a promotion after all. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1643 That's the problem when your CEO is named Arthur King. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1644 Meanwhile, we still await our Burger King. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1645 I think Lehman tried something like this in 2007. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1646 It shortens the interview process 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1647 Whoever removes it gets a lifetime of paperwork 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1648 Wiggins, your work over the last ten years has been exemplary. Just one last task on your road to senior partner. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1649 Budget cuts. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1650 Standard letter openers have a way of disappearing in this office. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1651 Lookin' real sharp boss. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1652 Go get Galahad and Lancelot from maintenance. The boss is at it again. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1653 Remember how I said the higher-ups have some old-fashioned ways of making decisions? 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1654 Your resume is top-notch, but here's where our interview process gets interesting. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1655 She makes a strong point. 1.2473 0.04751 93 71 21 1
1656 Removing the sword is the easy part. The new CEO will have to stop the bleeding. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1657 Pull it out Arthur, and the CEO position is yours. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1658 He’s very old school. He prefers that to algorithms when he slices salaries. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1659 We're still looking for the one true CEO. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1660 He's on the knight shift. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1661 It was one my more difficult exit interviews. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1662 So I guess the pen is really not mightier than the sword. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1663 This was Arthur's office, he couldn't handle the knight shifts. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1664 Well Ivanhoe said he wanted a shredder. 1.2473 0.06049 93 77 9 7
1665 He left his laptop on. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1666 The legend is, whoever can remove that sword is our rightful CEO. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1667 He really knew how to slash a budget 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1668 First, he circumcizes all new applicants. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1669 Let's go ahead and eliminate all candidates not named Arthur 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1670 And this is where she killed her husband’s intern 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1671 No symbolism. Your predecessor tried to steal the desk. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1672 I never can remember the past tense of smite. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1673 It's the latest innovation in buget cuts. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1674 And here, Mr. Arthur, is the final exam in our interview process. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1675 We'll of course have that removed before you start work. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1676 Well, that seems like an arbitrary method for electing a CEO... 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1677 Arthur's desk. He's our legendary leader. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1678 That's the second thing I wanna yank on today. 1.2473 0.06049 93 77 9 7
1679 `…or if a black woman pulls it out she'll get our sincere thanks and a gift bag.' 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1680 Okay, Arthur. Give it a try. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1681 I'll see you in the meeting room with the big round table. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1682 I don't like long shots, but you're our only intern named Arthur. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1683 Corner offices don't come easy here. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1684 Mr. Merlin's way of selecting the next CEO. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1685 There is really only one way to the top here at Medieval Times Restaurant Group. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1686 This is the best succession plan I have ever seen. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1687 I went to Wharton for this? 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1688 Your résumé is great, and the interview went well - now let's see if you get the job. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1689 The boss doesn’t believe in traditional succession planning. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1690 Whoops. Somebody left a sword in the desk. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1691 “Whoso pulleth out this sword from this desk, is right wise 2nd Assistant Vice President of Human Resources. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1692 We're looking for someone who can fix Brexit. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1693 That explains the round conference table! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1694 At least it's equal opportunity. 1.2473 0.04751 93 71 21 1
1695 Pull it out and the chair is yours. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1696 Alright, Arthur, you want that promotion? 1.2473 0.06049 93 77 9 7
1697 The prize is a country. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1698 Hard to believe it’s all IKEA, isn’t it? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1699 You should see the letter. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1700 Some see this as a glass ceiling -- I like to think of it as a storied tradition 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1701 We expect you to work knights. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1702 I think this qualifies as security overkill. 1.2473 0.04751 93 71 21 1
1703 Our CEO succession plan is somewhat old school. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1704 The pen was too mighty, so we opted for this instead. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1705 I can say that signing on to the laptop is the harder of the two required tasks. 1.2473 0.06240 93 78 7 8
1706 Don’t worry, no one else can do it either. You have to have integrity. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1707 You’ll be using Ryan’s office while he’s away at anger management training. Just try not to get distracted by the view. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1708 Our search for a new CEO is unconventional, but not unprecedented. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1709 They say that whoever pulls it out is the true head of marketing. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1710 The last guy wasn't cut out for this job, so his position was slashed. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1711 It's a multi-stage interview process. This is the last.... 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1712 Works better than a paper weight. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1713 Every company needs a succession plan. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1714 It is easier than remembering the WiFi password 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1715 No, Trump won't pull it out - he put it there! 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1716 We should have gone with the round table. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1717 His succession planning was legendary. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1718 So Art, what makes you so sure you’ll be the next CEO? 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1719 ....and whomever pulls the sword out will be granted a golden parachute. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1720 The Board trusts this method more than their judgment these days. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1721 They say whoever can remove it will become the Director of HR... You first. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1722 When Joe said he was going to 'take a stab' at the problem we were having, I never thought he meant THIS! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1723 He mentioned the office didn't have left-handed scissors. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1724 The boss has a thing for medieval times. Also for hernias. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1725 Turns out the pen is only mightier figuratively. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1726 We call this Excalibureaucracy. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1727 Pull it out and you get a round conference table. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1728 It was HR’s idea of equal opportunity. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1729 I guess the sword proved mightier than the pen set. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1730 I have to warn you, the average reign in marketing is about a year and a half. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1731 Great, another team building exercise. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1732 Wouldn't it be easier if the Board just voted? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1733 ...and this is Sarah's office, she works knights. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1734 Most people do kill for this corner office. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1735 The performance review is pretty self-explanatory. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1736 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk is rightwise regional district manager. 1.2473 0.04498 93 70 23 0
1737 Let the girl try! 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1738 I'm guessing he went to the gym. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1739 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this pedestal desk is rightwise born regional manager, inside sales, of all Iowa, Minnesota, fair Wisconsin, and the U.P. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1740 Whoever pulls it out gets to delete the president's Twitter account. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1741 Oh, boy, Abramowitz wants to play Vikings again. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1742 I may never be king, but I still like to come up here and just stare at it. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1743 It's just as he left it! 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1744 I'll just assume no one is in charge. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1745 Pull out the sword, and you'll be the Once and Future President! 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1746 Who pulls the sword from the desk gets the blame for the hole. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1747 And here's the corner office. As you can see, promotions around here are determined somewhat arbitrarily. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1748 That’s how you become the CEO. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1749 The pro-gun crowd is going to have a field day with this one. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1750 Tech support says it's a hardware issue. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1751 We expect you will be of higher calibur than your predecessor. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1752 To say we are expecting great things from you is an understatement. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1753 There's also a lovely lake nearby the secretaries take their lunch at. 1.2473 0.04751 93 71 21 1
1754 Arthur didn’t like getting his pink slip. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1755 Whosoever removes the sword shall get the window office. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1756 It's a set from the movie "The Sword and the Desk." 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1757 The ultimate test for pens. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1758 Gladys hates it when I work weekends. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1759 Actually, there's a choice: you can try the sword--or take a 15-page copy-editing test. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1760 He said he'd take a stab at it. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1761 Whoso pulleth the sword receives the executive parking space. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1762 The board interview is much more legendary. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1763 So it's true! Excalibur Corporation is looking for a new CEO. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1764 Go get Arthur in the Mail Room. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1765 He who can removes the sword is he who locks the door from his desk 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1766 You try it. I dont want the job. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1767 I'd love to pull it out, but I have a feeling it comes with extra responsibility... 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1768 The board was split between that and the sword of Damocles. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1769 Don't worry. He's out to lunch. He wanted a letter opener as powerful as he is. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1770 And this is Arthur's office. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1771 I don't think we need King Arthur for this, just call Bob in maintenance. 1.2473 0.06049 93 77 9 7
1772 Call me old fashioned, but I am still happier with psychometric testing. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1773 He who pulleth out this sword shall rule all of Accounts Payable. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1774 Rock, paper, scissors to pull the sword? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1775 The guys in accounting sure are competitive! 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1776 If I can pull it out, I'll be the next CEO. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1777 We usually use nameplates, but Arthur insisted on this. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1778 Tradition has it that whoever can pull the sword out will be the next Federal Reserve Chair. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1779 Merlin's back 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1780 Trump set it up, apparently he wants to prove he's the only one who can remove it 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1781 Guinevere, hold my calls. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1782 Our CEO doesn’t need no stinkin’ rock. 1.2473 0.06240 93 78 7 8
1783 He lived by the sword, but got run over in a crosswalk by an Uber while texting. Poor schmuck. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1784 Ambien. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1785 There's a Gordian knot for the corner office 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1786 Somebody call The New Yorker. 1.2473 0.06049 93 77 9 7
1787 It is our new final requirement for CEO. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1788 I suppose this is all we have after he left with the golden fleece... 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1789 Another week of this and his boss will give him the axe. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1790 I'm telling you, Arthur, it won't budge! It's all because I told Aubrey my letter opener was getting dull... 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1791 Missed Me...na, na! 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1792 I am beginning to question our CEO search process. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1793 And to think a middle manager was dispatched on that very desk only yesterday. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1794 And not a pen in sight. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1795 Now John, this is the final step in your interview process. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1796 That’s Arthur’s desk. 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
1797 So this is where the corporate ladder ends. 1.2472 0.04599 89 67 22 0
1798 Our company offers generous, fate-based opportunities for advancement you won't find most other places. 1.2472 0.04868 89 68 20 1
1799 The third round interviews are a little tougher for this one. 1.2472 0.04599 89 67 22 0
1800 You'll be using Pendragon's old office 1.2447 0.05991 94 78 9 7
1801 "Looks like H R is going medieval on us. 1.2447 0.04944 94 73 19 2
1802 Does "fruit cake" have a hyphen? 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1803 I guess we'll see who really is destined for middle management. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1804 This job isn't brain surgery. 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1805 This certainly complicates our corporate succession planning. 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
1806 I told Damocles it was a bad idea. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1807 Someone found out where he napped. 1.2447 0.05991 94 78 9 7
1808 We find that the test is more reliable than a CEO interview. 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1809 It's better than receiving the ax 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1810 We're just lucky we didn't give him a pen. 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
1811 The company's approach to CEO selection is legendary. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
1812 Merlin in HR thought this was the best way to find a new CEO. 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
1813 Artie, my boy, this looks like your big chance! 1.2444 0.04822 90 69 20 1
1814 Is that the desk from Caption Contest #498?! 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1815 I see someone has already claimed the office 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1816 Donald's acting like he actually pulled it out...... 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1817 The POTUS has the Resolute Desk. Our CEO has the Retribution Desk. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1818 Pull it out and you're the new CEO. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1819 Our corporate culture provides few opportunities for advancement, but emphasizes transparency in the selection process. Claire from accounting said she could feel it wiggle a bit, but that’s the closest anyone’s come. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1820 Looks like he ate at his desk. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
1821 You know it started with "pull my finger". Now this - who knows where it ends. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1822 This process for selecting a new CEO is positively medieval. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1823 Executives who pull it out get what they deserve. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1824 What do you think it means, Artie? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1825 We still haven't filled the position...HR is looking for the holy grail. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1826 I think his point was to resign. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1827 I told you the Board of Directors was looking for the Holy Grail. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1828 Our leadership succession plan is legendary. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1829 Our last CEO wasn't of the highest caliber. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1830 It started with a sewer safari for alligators and now it's this Holy Grail thing. I'm telling you these testosterone supplements are dangerous. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1831 He who successfully pulls the sword, leads the round table of middle-management. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1832 No one has wanted to try removing it. The last CEO is serving a 15-month sentence. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1833 It's the perfect office for working knights and weekends. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1834 It looks like the pen is taking a back seat in this one. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1835 Most people just use a paper weight. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1836 I keep trying to get him to update his software, but he says he's comfortable with Excalibur. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1837 Look — it’s a family company, the boss’ kid is named Arthur, and it’s just a whole big thing. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1838 Even the sword makes double our salaries 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1839 Behold, Exec-Caliber! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1840 I guess we ought to rethink the might of the pen. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1841 I told you he wasn’t axed 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1842 The things we have to do around here to get a promotion. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1843 Could been worse - last guy got axed. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1844 So...don't hide under your desk. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1845 Seems like a medieval way of choosing the next CEO. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1846 we've saved a lot on executive searches. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1847 Ahh and this brings us the desk of the Excelibur... 1.2386 0.06259 88 74 7 7
1848 Have at it, but the title doesn't come with a pay raise. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1849 He who can pull the sword from the desk is destined to receive a slightly damaged desk. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1850 And the legend sayeth, ‘He that pulls the sword from the desk shall have bestowed upon him this corner office and be rewarded the key to the Executive Washroom.’ 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1851 Don't we have an Arthur King in the mail room? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1852 Perhaps we should transfer him to the knight shift. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1853 Bob gets a little melodramatic during Game of Thrones season. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1854 And if you can pull the sword from the desk, the Knight account is yours. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
1855 This our head hunter's response to our request for a high caliber executive. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1856 I hear it’s the company’s new way to select senior partners. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1857 Maybe we should have just given him a paper weight. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1858 Is Arthur still in accounting? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1859 So that's probably the last time we'll do Bring Your Aggression to Work Day. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1860 The legend goes anyone that anyone that can pull it out gets this office, a promotion, keys to the executive lounge, and a gold crown. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1861 Arthur was the best, but nothing's set in stone. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1862 Looks like King Arthur prefers round tables. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1863 ... and now for the final part of your interview ... 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1864 He was high caliber, but now he's excalibur. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1865 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise regional office manager from nine to five 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1866 It'll be ages till we find a replacement for Sir Bob in accounting. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1867 I am having serious doubts whether the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1868 and all I did was miss a deadline. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1869 So,, the rumors are true—we’ve been acquired. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1870 Has HR advertised the job? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1871 He couldn't pull the sword so he got the axe! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1872 Since Art died, we haven't found anyone who can replace him. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1873 It's the last remnant of the hostile takeover. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1874 Pull it out and you got the job. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1875 So, we are going this route instead of ziprecruiter? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1876 No one likes the knight shift. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1877 "Wart," you say? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1878 Somc days he's King Arthur, other days King Lear 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1879 I'm telling you, this promotion is a double-edged sword. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1880 There’s a message here. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1881 She hates red tape 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1882 It beats cleaning out the stables again. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1883 It's his line in the desk. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1884 The secret is to jiggle it. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1885 Her leadership style is positively medieval. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1886 This is where the recent corporate cuts all started! 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1887 The hardest part was getting the license. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1888 Merlin in I.T. says it has biometric ID, so we shouldn't even try to remove it. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1889 Somebody go find Arthur in accounting 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1890 It's been an HR nightmare. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1891 When he said he would have to cut one of us, I didn’t think he meant literally. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1892 We haven't had a CEO since Arthur died. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1893 Keep it to yourself, I did pull the sword out, but when I learned the reward, I put it back. 1.2386 0.06259 88 74 7 7
1894 Well....the Electorial College didn't work.... 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1895 This new instant messaging system really gets your attention 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1896 Now do you believe me about the size of his letter opener? 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1897 The voicemail said we’ll find the Brexit tax plan on his desk. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1898 It's a new interviewing trend; it was started by the same guy behind the whole round table thing. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1899 He ran through too many assistants. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1900 For the last time, my name is Artie not Arthur. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1901 Whoever pulls it out gets to go back in time and unsend any email. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1902 So far, withdrawals have been impossible. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1903 And this is Arthur's office. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1904 he's off on one of his crusades again 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1905 And this is where we keep our glass ceiling. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1906 Well it's better than the electoral college. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1907 Artie in accounting was able to do it, but then I fired him. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1908 Hey, Arthur? Can you come in here, please? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1909 We find that asking candidates for their accomplishments, education, and processing background checks is inferior to the Excalibur challenge. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1910 Phew. I thought he was axed. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1911 Arthur was upset this wasn't a round table. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1912 Well, we were hoping for a different sort of tax cut. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1913 He said a guy named Arthur would come by to pick it up. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1914 Where is King Arthur when we need him? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1915 The Knights of the Conference Table have all tried and failed. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1916 I heard it even comes with dental. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1917 Just one more thing then you'll be the new CEO of King Arthur Flour. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1918 So, here is our newest pitch for replacing the Electoral College. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1919 Pull out the sword and we'll put you in charge of our division of weird stuff. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1920 In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you there's a strong internal candidate. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
1921 Well, what do we do now? All the white guys have tried! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1922 Only now will we see if you are the true heir to the sales region. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1923 Our board decided on a new CEO selection process. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
1924 I guess it's safe to say he didn't get axed. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1925 I don't think I want the job. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1926 Arthur must be out today. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1927 So this would be your office as the once and future comptroller. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1928 A bit of a twist: whoever can push it in gets to retire. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1929 Rumor is a man dressed in armor barged into the office and said, "A Lannister always pays his debt." That's when Manafort ran out screaming like a baby. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1930 Welcome to medieval management, Baxter. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1931 Honestly, King of the Britons is a step down from CEO. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1932 A word of advice. Forget about the legend thing. Just be careful of your knees. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1933 But what if i dont want to work for Scott Pruitt ?? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1934 The available corner office comes with the Gordian Knot, you can take your pick. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
1935 I miss the old IT guy 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1936 It’s just a formality. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1937 At least his reign will only be four years, eight at the most. 1.2386 0.06259 88 74 7 7
1938 I heard the new CEOs name is Arthur. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1939 "If you can pull it out, what you get is to keep the sword". 1.2386 0.04570 88 67 21 0
1940 Let's not and say we did. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1941 Legend has it the one who pulls it out becomes head of HR. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1942 It turns out the sword is mightier than the laptop. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1943 Looks like the pen isn't mightier than the sword 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1944 It's important to get to know the legend of the Sword and the Phone. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1945 I know you just finished the internship, but we think you're ready to be "executive letter opener." 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1946 He left his mark on the company. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1947 Our office supplies are rather spartan. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1948 Whoso pulleth out this sword makes partner. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1949 Just as I feared— he’s swiping left. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1950 It's been there forever - legend has it that only an intern who is pure of heart can pull it out. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1951 I see they haven't hired a new CEO. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1952 Get me Pendragon, from Accounting. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1953 Just one last test before we make our final decision, 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1954 He always thought he was better than everyone else. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1955 Well, it beats getting axed. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1956 A Post-it Note would have sufficed. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1957 I'm not gonna kid ya, Roger, you weren't our first hire for this job. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1958 And the best part is, no more bloody Linked In messages. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1959 Get me somebody who doesnt believe in trickle down economics and kmows Arthuroian legend. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1960 This hasn't been an easy position to fill, as you might imagine. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1961 They kept saying winter was coming, but this is ridiculous. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1962 At least we don't have to pull his finger. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1963 They say if you successfully pull the sword, you get a $5 gift card to Arby’s. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1964 Quick, pull it out before Trump gets here. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1965 Our new CEO selection process is epic. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1966 Art doesn't like it when people nap down there. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1967 Your resume said "proficient in M-Sword?" 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1968 Well at least it’s not in your back 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1969 The HR department has really gone downhill since Margaret left. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1970 Which one of you is Arthur? 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1971 As you can see, Camelot.com is looking for a new CEO 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1972 This is your new office. The last guy had some problems . We attempted to bury the hatchet but he apparently was confused. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1973 Budget cuts were especially brutal this year. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1974 Pen conquers sword; sword conquers desk. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1975 Final test ... and the job is yours. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1976 His note said WWKAD? (what would King Arthur do) 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1977 Ya'know I have a feeling we're in the wrong office. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1978 Guinevere, in housekeeping, is taking care of it. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1979 And this USED to be Arthur's desk... 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1980 We're looking for "Exec-caliber" 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1981 If you can remove the sword, you get health insurance. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1982 Pull it out, Artie, and the chair is yours. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1983 It’s more important that we find the right person rather than just filling a desk. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1984 We call her Faxcalibur. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
1985 I told you not to reheat fish in the office microwave 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1986 Even the restroom is a challenge. How are your arcane riddle skills, Dale? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1987 The job posting says there’s a preferred candidate. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1988 Our interview process is a bit unconventional. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1989 Trust me, if someone pulls it out, it's no Camelot. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1990 This is a job for a woman 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1991 Arthur's coming back, right? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1992 ya we need a union 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1993 That reminds me. I have tickets to Spamalot next week. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1994 Talk about killing the messenger. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1995 After a few months here, Amazon is going to seem cushy. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1996 The cutbacks around here are quite...literal. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1997 Well on the bright side, it could have been the $45,000 dining room table. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1998 Sir, there was a spider. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1999 I guess drawing the sword from the desk means your skilled enough to stab someone in the back 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2000 Looks like the boss is at his roundtable. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2001 Too heavy-handed for my taste. Do you have something in a light saber? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2002 Arthur, he does as he pleases. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2003 No one name's their kid Arthur anymore... 1.2386 0.04570 88 67 21 0
2004 Do you know how many pencil sharpeners end up in the ocean every year? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2005 If you can get it out you’ll get to be the new CEO. Otherwise try not to cut the cord when you answer the phone. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2006 Your predecessor had no pull, here. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2007 They said it was "slightly used." 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2008 Behold, the mighty sword Deskalibur. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2009 We have a different approach when selecting a CEO. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2010 No Mr President, I don't think Mr Obama is living under your desk. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2011 Pull this sword from thy desk and the sword shall be thine - and we'll replace the desk. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2012 Should we call Arthur in accounting? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2013 Did you try just pulling it out? 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2014 So do I get a promotion if I pull it out or what? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2015 Even getting axed is classier in the c-suite. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2016 Excalibur Industries takes it leadership role seriously. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2017 Arthur, this is why I brought you. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2018 The position’s been empty for a while. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2019 And this office only is used for the knight shift. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2020 This office is Arthur's, the once-and-future accountant. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2021 Bring that intern Arthur in here. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2022 I told you the Lady in the Lake was the wrong token female to put on the Board. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2023 If that thing gets in your way, just pull it out, Art. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2024 Apparently, he was upset because his desk was supposed to be round 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2025 Legend has it, whoever pulls it out is CEO. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2026 His career has been legendary. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2027 I wish they'd just let the Board choose a CEO. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2028 Let the women try. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2029 My name is Arthur. I got this! 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2030 Computer: "You missed!" 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2031 The professor did say he wanted mahogany. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2032 If you can pull the sword out of the desk, the job is yours. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2033 Well it is cheaper than paying severance 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2034 Our hiring qualifications are a bit... unusal. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2035 So far, none of the candidates were able to remove the sword. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2036 Forget about the sword. If you can get Trump out of the Russia mess, you're hired. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2037 We're making some cuts around the office. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2038 So apparently, whoever pulls it out gets Steve's old job in accounting. Not sure why I bothered updating my resume. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2039 I guess this means we can take the day off. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2040 I'd call this a hostile takeover. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2041 And if you can pull that out, you can move the desk up to an office on six. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2042 It's a new idea from Merlin in Human Resources. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2043 He left a note saying he had gone long on plow shares, made a killing, and was quitting. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2044 - Donald 's such a show-off, look at the size of his letter opener - Yeah, Inferiority complex ! - Have you seen my new watch ? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2045 Well yes, here at King Arthur Flour promotions are handled in a rather old fashioned way. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2046 It's written that whoever removes the sword becomes the next CEO. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2047 That’s nothing. Just wait until the second round of interviews. 1.2386 0.04570 88 67 21 0
2048 I take it the Old Man didn't name a successor. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2049 We have finally settled on a plan for CEO succession. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2050 Remove the sword and the job is yours. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2051 In the off-season, she slays dragons and corporate raiders. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2052 He who can remove the sword shall rule the Accounting Department. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2053 I told you this was the beginning of a hostile takeover. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2054 We had a new recruit in last week but she declined to use this office. Opted for full dental coverage instead. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2055 You try, I'm happy in accounting. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2056 And this is our once and future CEO office ... 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2057 They say it´s for the new guy. I think his name is Arthur. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2058 Sure, I could have just sent a boring department email about the budget cuts, but where's the fun in that? 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2059 We prefer a more old-school interview approach. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2060 It's the board's idea of a succession plan... 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2061 The office safety video implies that we should bend our knees when lifting the sword. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2062 We’re looking for someone with a certain je ne sais quoi. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2063 When our rightful CEO pulls out the sword, our stock will rise like the sun and splendor will be restored to the Company. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2064 Sword 1 Pen 0 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2065 Johnson always seems a little insecure. That's his letter opener. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2066 And then I told HR that my name is Arthur King and they sent me up here. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2067 Must have been a big envelope. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2068 Legend has it that it can only be pulled out by the one true CEO... 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2069 This is why we have a strict "no eating at your desk" policy. Lacerated his inner thigh trying to butter a croissant. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2070 Looks like Conan has already gone to lunch. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2071 So what you’re saying is that if I pull the sword from the desk, I’ll become the CEO of this law firm? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2072 Arthur has left the building. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2073 Our board is legendary. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2074 And if you can push it in, you get a great severance package. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2075 Mr. Morgenstien is more of a, "sword mightier than the pen" type of guy. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2076 It is prophesied that whomever can remove the sword from the desk will be our Regional Senior Associate of Infrastructure Configuration Solutions. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2077 When we say hostile takeover, we mean it. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2078 I suppose it's better than getting the ax. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2079 We're still looking for the right person to head up the Excalibur project. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2080 He never was very tactful. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2081 Et tu, IT guy. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2082 I think Arthur is obsessed with Game of Thrones. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2083 Now to the second phase of the interview. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2084 I don't know, but it can't be good 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2085 Apparently, the pen is mightier than the sword is fake news. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2086 Well, Arthur, everyone in the office seems to think you have a good chance. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2087 The story is that the Lady of the Lake held aloft that very sword and... yeah, I rolled my eyes when I heard it too. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2088 This was Arthur King's desk. He took it a little too far. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2089 Arthur, before you try to remove it I have to ask you something. Are you married? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2090 So this is what the Brittish headhunter came up with? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2091 Now let me show you the fax machine. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2092 Should we call Arthur? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2093 Palmquist, if there's one thing I can't stand it's historical metaphors. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2094 This was Damocles' office... We should probably move on. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2095 It's a period piece. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2096 Congratulations Mr. Arthur. Merlin, Lefey, Morgana and Associates are happy to have you aboard 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2097 Believe it or not, your contact allows the board to fire you for 'cause' if you can't do it. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2098 ‘Twas a sworded end, indeed! 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2099 Come on, how can you still think the pen is mightier? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2100 We’ve decided to simplify our interview process. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2101 It's a much easier hiring process. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2102 Arthur is on medical leave. You can use his office for now. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2103 You should see the boardroom table... 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2104 Who moved the desk? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2105 Whoever can pull it out becomes CEO. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2106 When he got too frustrated he became president instead. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2107 AI,crap, just pull out the damn sword. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2108 It's a corner office, but the letter opener is a bit of a challenge. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2109 Damocles was here a few minutes ago. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2110 See! The sword is mightier than the pen 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2111 That new search firm we hired, Excalibur, insists that this is the best way to select a new CEO. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2112 And that's just his letter opener! 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2113 AND THIS IS THE HUMAN SERVICES OFFICE AT AVALON ENTERPRISES. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2114 Boss says whoever pulls it out is next in line to be CEO 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2115 I know a woman who could totally deal with this, but they’re holding out for a certain kind of guy. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2116 Need I remind you not to touch his stuff?! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2117 I hope George dosen't still take his afternoon naps under his desk. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2118 Our last manager had some strongly held opinions on the pen being mightier than the sword. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2119 OK Lance, let's see what you can do with Deskalibur. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2120 You meet the new head of IT? I hear it's some guy named Merlin. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2121 The executive search committee is old school. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2122 He read about it in "CEO for Dummies". 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2123 Maybe we shouldn't have said he couldn't cut it. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2124 If you can get it out, the job is yours. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2125 Before the board votes on your idea of switching to a round conference table, there's something they need you to do... 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2126 No, I asked if you don't mind working "KNIGHTS." 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2127 And here's where we're trying a little experiment to select our next CEO. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2128 What? He didn't get the "pen is mightier than the sword" memo? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2129 We should schedule a round table discussion to address this. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2130 If we only we had a name for it. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2131 It's part of the screening process for new hires. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2132 I guess we can assume that the severance package was acceptable. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2133 He's no King Arthur. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2134 The Board is really taking this 'kingmaker' thing too far. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2135 Can I get curtains if I pull the sword out? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2136 Our accounting division is epic. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2137 My understanding is that he got the idea from his succession planner. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2138 how deep are the cuts again? 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2139 That's a huge letter opener. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2140 Just their way of saying you’ll have to work nights. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2141 Whoever pulls it out gets a $117 million severance package. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2142 We don't do golden parachutes -- we're old school. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2143 HR said its the fairest way 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2144 Unconventional vetting? Maybe, but solidly myth-based 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2145 So consequently we haven't had a CEO now for nearly 10 years 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2146 So, if you pull that bad boy out, does that make you CEO? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2147 With it comes unimaginable power...and an indictment. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2148 ...these days the pen is not always mightier 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2149 There's plenty of room for upward nobility. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2150 Go ahead give it a try. The board want somebody with mythical powers to replace the last CEO. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2151 I ordered a calendar not Excalibur! 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2152 Well, Damocles, now that it's fallen she's all yours. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2153 If you can pull it out, the job's yours. But any repairs will have to come out of your budget. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
2154 Of course I can, but why would I want to? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2155 That’s funny. Wednesdays are sword days. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2156 One of is could be President. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2157 Maybe if Merlin appears, I'll find out why I didn't get that promotion 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2158 This is how the Lady of the Steno Pool picks the next CEO. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2159 They missed 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2160 Sir, you can come out from under the desk now, she went back to her apartment. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2161 Is that a thing? Hyperbole you can see? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2162 Learn from my mistake and skip the "Deskalibur" joke. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2163 The quants say this is the best way to choose the next manager of our Roundtable Fund. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2164 Like I told you, he said the sword stops here. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2165 We couldn't find a stone. And now we can't get it out. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2166 I guess the anger management classes aren’ t helping. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2167 It's really a cutthroat industry. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2168 They misunderstood when I said I was a night person. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2169 Yes, it is a fairytale office. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2170 He only works knights. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2171 Delusions of grandeur are not uncommon among CEOs. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2172 Boss said if I can remove it I become CEO, but he also said not to touch it... 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2173 Yeah, you could probably muscle it out of there, but do you really WANT that job? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2174 Whoa Bob, love how you've redecorated. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2175 Don't worry, Merlin knows a guy 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2176 A simple memo greenlighting the "Sword and the Stone" remake would have been sufficient. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2177 And one more word of advice, never fall asleep at your desk. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2178 This was going to be Jared's office. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2179 We decided to switch things up a bit and change casual Friday's into Camelot Friday's 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2180 The owner's son just pretends the sword isn't there. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2181 If Arthur wants his old office back, he’s going to have to really earn it this time!” 1.2386 0.04570 88 67 21 0
2182 Whoever pulls the sword is allowed to skip the Christmas party. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2183 Now I understand why he insisted on a round table in the conference room. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2184 After being forced to remove the glass ceilings, we had to get creative. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2185 The job's more or less yours but out of formality... 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2186 Will he be in tomorrow do you think? 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2187 Man #1: "You pull it" Man #2: "No, no you pull it" Man #1: "No, you pull it, I don't want the responsibility" 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2188 Last week it was a gauntlet- and now this. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
2189 Latest HR interview protocol...cutting edge....go on give it a pull. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2190 We may need Arthur to get this removed, again. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2191 If you can pull it out, the corner office is yours. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2192 And I thought getting the axe would have been rough. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2193 So that's the new way to hold a election in this Country. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2194 They seem to be getting mightier lately 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2195 He said, "Sic semper tyrannis", buried the sword in the desk and jumped out the window. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2196 I guess management is serious about no more personal calls. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2197 I heard he's British. Sir Something-or-other, I think. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2198 I see Conan didn't take being laid off too well. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2199 Oh, you meant KNIGHT manager... 1.2360 0.06397 89 76 5 8
2200 Welcome to our fast-track summer internship. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
2201 You should see the couch. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2202 I guess its obvious that he's right handed. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2203 These desk jobs can be murder. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
2204 We recruited our last CEO from a Medieval Times dinner theater. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2205 We have got to stop watching Game of Thrones in the break room 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2206 It looks like he got tired of waiting for the final season of "Game of Thrones." 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2207 Surprise visit from the wife . . . she went for his secretary . . . 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2208 I see “The Lady of the Lake” has been here again! Third time this week... 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2209 ...He did say that he was going to fire the weakest employees 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2210 Quite a response to your PowerPoint. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2211 We use a one-step hiring process. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2212 But on the other hand it is a beautiful granite desk. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2213 If you can pull it out, you get to sit at the round table. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
2214 You seem perfect for the job, Artie... 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2215 HR have been testing out new ways of finding the right person for the job. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2216 I guess the sword is mightier than the pen in a paperless office. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2217 CEO? No, two extra personal days. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2218 No on “We’re still not sure how his ex- knew that he’d be hiding under his desk. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2219 Bob’s aesthetics were just too medieval for the company. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2220 Mr. Mueller will be here shortly to give it a try. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2221 Your predecessor left that. He was an accounting wizard. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2222 Come out, Bill- if you can't pull it, you sure can't push it. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2223 Freddie. I think we need to postpone this morning’s staff meeting. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2224 That reminds me- how 'bout fish for dinner tonight? 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
2225 They did say it wasn’t shown to scale. I just expected a letter opener to be on the small side. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2226 I say leave it there. Our tech wizard, Merlin, is the one with all the real power anyway. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2227 He was never one to mince swords. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2228 Seems like the pen is not always mightier than the sword, eh?! 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2229 So that's where the letter opener's been all this time. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2230 They say that the one who removes it will be able to understand all spreadsheets. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2231 The board fired the last guy who pulled it out. Nice severance, though. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2232 The corporate charter is a bit dated with respect to succession planning. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2233 That pink slip we gave Arthur may have been a mistake. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2234 How well do you know history? 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2235 I know it was you 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2236 I asked for help sorting my desktop 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2237 Our H.R. director says this qualifies as affirmative action. 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
2238 So how many Arthurs have we tried here? 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2239 This seems like a job for Arthur, the intern. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2240 Like they say, 'Hell hath no fury. . .' 1.2360 0.05984 89 74 9 6
2241 As the new CEO, you should know that Merlin is on the board of directors. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2242 Darn, I missed his back! 1.2360 0.05984 89 74 9 6
2243 Legend has it that it’s the only way to ensure the rightful heir takes over the company. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
2244 And we have a unique early retirement plan. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2245 So this is what she meant by "cutting edge." 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2246 I heard she is a direct descendant of Joan of Arc. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2247 - This is how Millennials quit jobs these days. - I thought they preferred nerfs. - This one likes Games of Thrones. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2248 AI !! Been arguing for hours. 1.2326 0.06336 86 73 6 7
2249 The job interview is actually quite simple.... 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2250 You have two minutes to complete this portion of the job interview. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2251 If you fail, you can still work in the chain mail room. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2252 They say Justice is blind, but she knows who grabbed her butt. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2253 That's been in there since the indictment. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2254 Instead of an interview, we give this mini-mental test to all applicants: "Which one does not belong with the others?" 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2255 Why the drama? He could have just posted an out-of-office reply. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2256 Only she who is fit to rule could pull this from its wooden sheath. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2257 Only he who is fit to rule human resources can pull the sword from the desk. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2258 Looks like the sword was mightier than the pen after all. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2259 Ok, you know who is our boss now. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2260 In actuality of course the board votes for the next chairman. But if you pull the sword out a mechanism dispenses a little piece of gum. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2261 Arthur may be a terrible boss, but I really appreciate his sense of humor. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2262 I'm guessing he's drawing up an Excalibur re-brand. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2263 I tried to tell you that he insisted on a round desk! 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2264 You know, I already pulled it out but I don’t really want the job. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2265 We've gone paperless, do you really even need a letter opener? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2266 He wants it replaced with a round table. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2267 I thought the pen was supposed to win! 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2268 Looks like we need a Minion. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2269 Whoso pulleth out this sword from this desk, is right wise ruler of the company. . . Give it yank, Arthur. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2270 I see Arthur got the job. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2271 I should have seen the signs; but on some level I wanted to believe it was a paperweight. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2272 It was either this or the sword of Damocles. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2273 Yes, Senator. It’s all in my proposed Constitutional Amendment. I strongly suggest we try this method in 2020. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2274 Legend has it if you can pull her out you get dental 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2275 I'm starting to regret that I named the company Camelot Ltd. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2276 The new head of H.R. was an English major at Columbia. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2277 We find it works even better than the glass ceiling. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2278 I hear only bald white men can wield its power 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2279 The stone didn't fit. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2280 It helps to establish a safeword. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2281 I was expecting a round table. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2282 If you push it one way, a little hand comes out and pulls it back 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2283 Looks like Arthur put in his two weeks. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2284 All the bathroom keys are in the pencil drawer. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2285 Action that, Artie! 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2286 The corner office is nice, but the company car does tend to breath fire. That’s a factor to consider. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2287 Thor's off his meds again. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2288 No, if you pull it out I become the CEO, but it would definitely help your chances of becoming an unpaid intern here. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2289 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk gets an office with a window. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2290 They say whoever can pull it out gets to be the new Assistant Regional Director. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2291 Nope not yet. Let the boy try! 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2292 I need my desk. Get Arthur back in here. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2293 And so it was that Donald became King of the United States. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2294 I called her a secretary. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2295 Talk about a hard deadline. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2296 Our white knight is away from his desk at the moment. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2297 Nobody knew the boss was under the desk! 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2298 I told him the bullet-proof desk was just going to give him a false sense of security. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2299 Looks like Pendragon took the parachute. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2300 Remember, son: exhibit humility, determination, and don’t let the board see you push the little button I showed you. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2301 I was certain that HR told me his name was Arthur King?! 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2302 Behold the desk of disillusionment. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2303 It's a tough hiring process, but then you get to rule with impunity. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2304 I hear it's a great job, but they're looking for a very specific candidate. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2305 Only the one true IT specialist can recover the file from that laptop. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2306 Is that a giant light switch in the corner? 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2307 Still no change since the morning of the inauguration. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2308 Gun Free Zone 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2309 Well if that isn't a power play, I'm not sure what is. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2310 It bears a strange inscription, "rotucesorP laicepS" 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2311 You'd have thought they'd make him prove he could really pull the thing out before giving him the corner office. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2312 The budget cuts were brutal. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2313 I got tired of calling references. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2314 Merlin, from HR, has convinced me to try a new interview technique --- works like a charm! 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2315 Yeah, Damocles gave his two weeks notice. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2316 Ms Lake left it in the desk. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2317 Halloween gets a little crazy around here. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2318 We're looking at external candidates because all of our VPs have double hernias. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2319 They tell me it's reclaimed wood from King Arthur's round table 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2320 I would have said pen as well. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2321 Our boss has ensured a fair hiring process, but it's obvious his son will pull the sword out in the end. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2322 We think creatively about 'skills and qualifications,' Tim. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2323 You'll work a lot of nights in shining armor. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2324 This application process is a bit archaic, don't you think? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2325 Yes, it's our little tradition here at Excalibur Corp.--pull the sword from the desk and the job's yours. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2326 Or you could just request a stapler. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2327 Its really only the key to the executive wash room. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2328 Go get Arthur from accounting. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2329 The knight shift always leave the place in a right mess. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2330 He mumbled something about being the 'King of the North' and left. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2331 I hear they’re interviewing for Arthur’s job. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2332 Before the take-over they'd just send you a pink slip 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2333 Alternatively, feel free to submit a résumé. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2334 As advertised, we are seeking a “can-do” CEO. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2335 Psst, I'm pinned down under the desk. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2336 Pull it out and you're the CEO. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2337 It looks like the pen wasn't as mighty as we thought. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2338 It beats using the Electoral College system. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2339 They said the latest cuts will be to the bone. . . 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2340 We might be needing a round conference table. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2341 What a trooper. Bob still managed to fall on his sword right through the desk. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2342 Unlike his predecessor Arthur, Jennings simply was not of the same caliber. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2343 His secretary will only say "#metoo". 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2344 As I was saying, we are a legendary Corporation. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2345 I'd pull it out, but I hear the hours suck. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2346 I don't know -- Arthur of the Rectangular Table doesn't quite feel right! 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2347 I appreciate the effort, but you were supposed to fall on the pointy end. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2348 They say if you're able to remove it you become CEO. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2349 Well on second thought didn't you want to be boss? 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2350 Here's the IPO. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2351 Well, Arthur ... 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2352 Apparently, it’s impossible to hack. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2353 Well, at least he didn't get the axe. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2354 None of them have been able to pull it out during the probationary period. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2355 I hardly see the point. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2356 And this is our regional sales manager, Pierce. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2357 Better call Arty in maintenance. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2358 He was sure he was going to get the ax. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2359 Like I said, this one's fit for a king 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2360 We're gonna need a bigger scabbard 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2361 You could say he was sword of stoned when he did that. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2362 A pink slip works just as well and with a lot less drama 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2363 If you can pull the sword from the desk, the job's yours. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2364 Only the rightful CEO can remove it. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2365 Let's just wait for the maintenance staff. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2366 Look on the bright side: you get a desk and a sword. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2367 Oh great. They expect us to work knights. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2368 These office politics are getting medieval. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2369 All interns are given the opportunity to become a permanent employee. You might be the chosen one. You have three minutes; Go! 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2370 He loves roundtable discussions. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2371 It's hard to find employees of his Excaliber 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2372 What do you have to do for a corner office? 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2373 It's less litigious than the old hiring process. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2374 I never fully considered the down-side of a granite desktop. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2375 Means Trump rejects your facts. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2376 Your wife's divorce lawyer left a message. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2377 I hear the stockholders are looking for someone special. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2378 . . . and this is King Arthur's office. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2379 It started out as a letter opener. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2380 I know it’s old-fashioned, but hopefully this way we can find a CEO who hasn’t sexually harassed anyone. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2381 Don't talk nonsense Arthur, you're not ready for the corner office 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2382 Should we call Arthur? 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2383 Extract the sword, you're the true CEO. Or maybe you just get free parking, I can't remember. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2384 It's part of the vetting process. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2385 I suppose now is a good time to tell you about our 'two men enter, one man leaves' policy. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2386 CEO candidates get to this final step and it's then that we lose them. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2387 The key to longevity in this company is being as close to the sword as possible without actually being the one to pull it from the desk 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2388 I thought you said she'd been axed. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2389 Only the most worthy may remove the sword from the desk. Then place your memo over the hole, and re-insert the sword. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2390 And this is Arthur's desk. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2391 Don’t worry about pulling out the sword, just promise you won’t tweet! 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2392 Whoever pulls it out becomes editor. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2393 See you, Bro. I'm meeting Stormy Daniels at the Chez Gay. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2394 Now that they have computers, they don't need a letter opener anymore. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2395 Our hiring policy is fairly straightforward. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2396 Whoever draweth the sword is head of accounting. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2397 Okay, Art, let's keep this interview short and sweet. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2398 We like to keep things simple. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2399 What caliber? 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2400 New millennium Excalibur. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2401 You should have seen the size of the envelope. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2402 Next thing you know, he'll be installing a round table. Just sayin'. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2403 That's the one he fell on. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2404 This office belongs to Arthur, CEO of the Britons. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2405 We’re just waiting for the right candidate for CEO. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2406 Anyone who pulls the sword from the desk gets the corner office. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2407 I guess it's true. Damocles did quit. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2408 He always said he couldn't get a handle on the job. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2409 That’s pretty mighty, but I have a pen. 1.2326 0.06336 86 73 6 7
2410 It's a bit too large for a letter opener, but it gets the job done. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2411 Just one final test, and the job is yours. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2412 He needed more pull. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2413 Don't waste your time trying to pull it out. Just try to do your work without getting jabbed. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2414 Well, Bob, you're next to try for the corner office. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2415 I miss the days when we were lobbying for gun control! 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
2416 It's what human resources calls 'strike two.' 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
2417 They said cuts would start from the top down 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
2418 Apparently, the legend is that, if you can pull the sword out, you can’t get indicted for insider trading. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2419 New boss. Not the same as the old boss. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2420 He tries it every morning. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2421 Good Knight! 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2422 Even though the point is under, it still gets across. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
2423 It's my fantasy job. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2424 #metoo? 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2425 I don't know, it's hard enough to find someone who can pass the piss test. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2426 I’m still your boss if you pull it out. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2427 Apparently if you free it you get promoted to King. My bet's on Arthur 'cause he works a lot of knights. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2428 We are an equal opportunity employer. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2429 We decided to simplify our intern selection process. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2430 He also insisted the conference table be round. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2431 Have you tried restarting it? 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2432 Guess what his password is? 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2433 You'll get a modest salary increase, box seats for the Yankees, and full dental benefits for a year. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2434 We've found two new VPs this way. And the best part is, no emails from bloody LinkedIn. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2435 Legend has it you need two forms of I.D. to pull the sword 1.2262 0.04895 84 66 17 1
2436 The ex-CEO wasn't up to calibur. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2437 According to legend, we've never had an accountant. 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
2438 It comes with the desk. Pull it out, and you get to sit in the chair. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2439 The prophesy is just to cover up race discrimination. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
2440 He's on chivalry leave. 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
2441 So that's why they had PE at Harvard Business School. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2442 I'll flip you for who pushes it through. He's under the desk. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2443 Apparently the office furniture is having a #metoo moment. 1.2235 0.05888 85 71 9 5
2444 Our former Chairman, Arthur, left it for his successor. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2445 You say Mueller's on the way? 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2446 You're going to have to work around some cuts. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2447 Office Depot Item #FJ734: Excalibur. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2448 This proves him wrong: The pen is not mightier than the sword, especially when you hide underneath your desk. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2449 ...And this is our succession plan 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2450 Well- it could be just a suggestion. 1.2222 0.05827 81 67 10 4
2451 Yeah Roger is trying to delay the IPO again 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2452 Inform the search firm that there is another requirement to add to the list. 1.2208 0.04758 77 60 17 0
2453 Caliburn industries is an equal opportunity employer Mr. Pendragon 1.2208 0.05104 77 61 15 1
2454 Unlike us, he is a frontstabber 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2455 The first person who knows how to use a pen becomes CEO. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2456 The board is trying a less divisive hiring approach. 1.2195 0.04916 82 65 16 1
2457 Sword of Democracy. Pull it and you are President. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2458 Please don't say it. We know. 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2459 So I guess we’re looking for a guy called Arthur.. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2460 He should never have hidden under his desk. 1.2179 0.05046 78 62 15 1
2461 King Arthur’s out of office message. 1.2179 0.06228 78 66 7 5
2462 I can't remember the password for either of them. 1.2179 0.06228 78 66 7 5
2463 Um...what did you say this meeting was about? 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2464 It takes a special type of person to work here st Camelot Industries. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2465 Now that's what I call a sharply-worded memo! 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2466 Is there anyone in the firm named Arthur? 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2467 I hope you don't mind people putting their feet on your desk. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2468 Some of us would just quit, but Harry........... 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2469 CEO? Just a little tug'll do it. 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2470 Alternatively, we could look at your resume... 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2471 No one has been able to pull it out so the CEO job remains empty. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2472 And we save thousands in headhunter fees alone! 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2473 If you are truly the new Director of Marketing, you will be able to remove the laptop from the desk. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2474 SuperExcaliburifragilisticexpialidocious! 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2475 Maybe this hostile takeover talk was more than just rumors. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2476 Bagged it on a safari in Disneyland. 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
2477 I’m looking forward to ‘Bring Your Child to Work Day’ this year. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2478 It's a big boy letter opener. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2479 Hard to tell if we’ll ever get another boss with such a sharp edge... 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2480 You don't want to know where the shield ended up. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2481 Unlike your predecessor, we expect you to make your revenue numbers. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2482 This may be a difficult transition. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2483 Whomsoever shall pull the Sword from this Desk, he shall be granted the Key to the Supply Room. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2484 Impressive, but his twitter finger is mightier. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2485 Johnson's sales tactics are the stuff of legend. 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
2486 Looks like we’re about to sever ties. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2487 That's what happens when you think the pen is mightier than the sword! 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2488 Arthur doesn’t believe in a 4 digit P.I.N. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2489 Well, no, obviously we *don't* use pink slips here in Sicily. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2490 And of course you'll need to be familiar with MS Sword 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2491 Legend says if you get it out you become Senior Intern. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2492 He said to hold all his calls; now we know why. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2493 Desk jobs are a killer. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2494 that's nothing; his pen went through the floor 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
2495 Looks like the barbarians are back at the gate again. 1.2169 0.05950 83 70 8 5
2496 No one even wants to try and be king, these days. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2497 I knew the granite desk was a mistake. 1.2169 0.04551 83 65 18 0
2498 And if you pull the sword out you still start in the mailroom. 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
2499 Do you think the takeover was a bit too hostile? 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2500 I think he went out to get some WD-40. 1.2169 0.05950 83 70 8 5
2501 The HR wizard said,"Only the true heir can reclaim it." 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2502 Maybe Trump's fixer Michael Cohen thought this was Mueller's desk. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2503 We are still looking for someone that can turn the company around. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2504 See, your letter opener is on your desk like I said. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2505 Cripes! I prepared for an interview. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2506 It is written, “he who rends this sword shall the rightful CEO become”. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2507 No, it’s actually quite loose, but nobody will touch it. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2508 The previous employee failed to pass the last test for promotion. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2509 There's one round table version but that's in the oval office. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2510 We're not sure who put it there, but no one is able to pull it out. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2511 He tried to set the bar high for his successor, but instead he took off his left kneecap." 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2512 Everyone lies on their resume. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2513 Some guy named Wotan left it. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2514 ...oh, and don't forget to dial 9 first. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2515 I feel like I really dodged a sword today at the office. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2516 He took his pen. This must be serious. 1.2152 0.06413 79 68 5 6
2517 "After the interview, I heard a guy named Galahad got the job". 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2518 What did you say was mightier than the sword? 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2519 Working in H.R. is not for everyone. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2520 The CEO must not only be able to remove Excalibur from the granite top desk, but the sword also doubles as the sole Executive Wash Room key. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2521 Boss said whoever can pull out the sword is the new CEO 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2522 Maybe we should give women a shot. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2523 He who pulls the sword shall be the assistant to the executive vice president of the Northeastern marketing branch. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2524 ...for whosoever pulleth the sword, least share price rise less than 30 points by Q3, so shall he fall upon it. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2525 How was I supposed to know she had a husband? 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2526 The old way to choose the president just didn't work out well. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2527 Hurry, go get Arthur in accounting 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2528 We've all tried, Arthur, but it appears to be stuck. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2529 Either you pull the sword from the desk or figure out how to link subscriptions to the app... I’d try the sword first. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2530 The computer is more powerful than the sword but only if you can pull the password out of the desk. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2531 We do things a little differently here at Excalibur. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2532 Arthur thought it would be a novel way to choose his successor. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2533 Stevens is the CEO. You don't want to mess with him. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2534 If you cant pull the sword, or guess the password, you can call and ask a friend. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2535 I think I'd feel more comfortable if he took a seat. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2536 We're still searching for a CEO who can pull the sword out of the ironwood desk. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2537 Here's you new V.P. office. Congratulations, and may you aspire to further greatness. 1.2152 0.04653 79 62 17 0
2538 You have to admit he knew how to drive his point home. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2539 Well, Sir, our Founders placed it there to remind our leaders of the importance of authenticity. You know: Truth, Justice, and--whatever. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2540 So whoever can get that out is the next boss? 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2541 It may be a while to fine the next CEO 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2542 I guess he took it as a sign and left early today. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2543 Guess Arthur decided to pursue bigger things. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2544 Not just proven executive material. We need legendary. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2545 I told you Arthur's letter opener was over the top. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2546 He who lives by the sword, dies under his desk. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2547 I guess he couldn't find a pen. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2548 Do we have an employee named Arthur? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2549 See? Only the biggest fan gets a life-sized, life-threatening letter opener like that. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2550 Let's get Lancelot in here. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2551 For the "once and future king" of Manhattan 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2552 We needed assorted desks, but thanks to auto correct we have this. 1.2152 0.06413 79 68 5 6
2553 It stays there until Game of Thrones returns. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2554 Our interview process is fairly straightforward. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2555 It was revenge for eating Arthur’s last pudding in the work fridge. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2556 Pull it out and you get to be head of the accounting department. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2557 Yes, you would think OSHA would have a problem with this. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2558 We'll be saved once Mueller pulls it out. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2559 We used to use some farcical aquatic ceremony to determine succession, but we've found this modern method to be much more efficient. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2560 Let's hope that will cut the crap! 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2561 Can you ask Arthur to step in here for a moment. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2562 We're being taken over by Adventure Capitalists. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2563 Well, Art, are you up to the job? 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2564 HR had it installed to cut down on the duration of job interviews. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2565 Let's call it a knight. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2566 A round table would have been more in order. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2567 He wants to hold more round-tables too. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2568 We play epic Rock, Paper, Scissors in this office. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2569 Got you working the knight shift, huh? 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2570 It's Arthur's performance piece, "The Sword in the Desk." 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2571 The board asked him for a succession strategy. This one’s magic! 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2572 I think 'disgruntled' might be putting it mildly. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2573 Tell Damocles down in H.R. we've found his sword. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2574 We may not need an executive recruiter to replace the old bastard after all. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2575 No actually we use it to hire janitors. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2576 It's a new form of stress relief. Those squishy things just don't do it for me. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2577 we've all tried Artie....its impossible 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2578 This is just one reason why I prefer a standing desk. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2579 Whoso pulleth out this sword is rightwise CEO. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2580 If you can pull it out you become CEO 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2581 Congratulations on winning the job. Now there is one more thing... 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2582 The one who draws the sword shall lead meetings at a large round table. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2583 Merlin is up to his old tricks. Alas, the Donald is no Arthur. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2584 You'd better call the knight manager. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2585 The board thought our last CEO was ex caliber 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2586 Hiding under your desk is not an viable work avoidance option here. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2587 This is Stan's office. The lawyers have an inflated view of what they bring to the company. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2588 Well, now we know why this office is still unoccupied. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2589 I see that he went to Camelot. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2590 Pull it out of the desk and the company is all yours. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2591 He gets a lot of oversized mail. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2592 We've been telling Arthur to pull it out for years 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2593 We're traditionalists when it comes to middle-management recruiting. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2594 He who can remove the sword is destined to receive an additional bonus when the company goes under. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2595 And then he said, "May Heaven strike me down if I misled a single investor." 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2596 So this is what he meant by a late knight. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2597 Our firm's idea of a succession plan. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2598 I think it makes a bold, muscular statement, but your color palette needs tweaking . 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2599 Let's make sure he's not under the desk. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2600 I guess the pen isn’t mightier after all. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2601 It means he needs to get a round table ASAP. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2602 This is the last part of the interview. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2603 Succeed and you shall be hailed Arthur, Head of Human Resouces. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2604 Interesting succession plan... 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2605 Mr. Arthur, the office is yours after we remove Mr. Excalibur's stuff. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2606 Here at King Arthur Inc., we have a different take on performance reviews. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2607 They gave Bob a square desk, but he's holding out for a round table. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2608 Well, he did say to stick a knife in this job. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2609 That'll make succession planning a challenge 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2610 The new CEO sure has us on the cutting edge. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2611 Legends say that the person who finally pulls it out will become the new C.E.O. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2612 This will simplify succession planning. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2613 LIMERICK: "Greetings and welcome aboard...Here's your office, your desk, and your sword...Meetings start at nine...Be sure you're on time...And refer to Mr. Zinke as "my lord"." 1.2125 0.06338 80 69 5 6
2614 It's HR reminding me what might happen if I skip the sexual harassment training. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2615 Whoever can pull it out gets this corner office. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2616 The Lady was not amused. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2617 Whosoever draws this forth shall become the POTUS 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2618 We use it for succession planning. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2619 Back in the day we drew a line in the sand 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2620 And here is where the Chief Excalibur Officer sits. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2621 Hiding under the desk did him no good at all. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2622 Tis said, he who draws the sword t'will be CEO. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2623 Damn O'Cles! 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2624 Apparently just submitting a resume is no longer enough. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2625 The CFO is trying something new: the employee who draws the sword from this desk gets to keep his pension. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2626 They say the pen is mightier than the sword. But, frankly, Jones, I've always had my doubts. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2627 Otherwise it is a rather neat desk. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2628 ``... and whosoever pulleth out this letter-opener from this desk is the rightful CEO of Round Table Holdings Inc." 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2629 How will I know if I am right for the position? 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2630 After a week of trying to yank it out he gave up—joined the NRA and bought an AR-15. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2631 In the old days you got the axe. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2632 ...it's just the best predictor of success HR ever found. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2633 Apparently, the shareholders think this will help us find "the true CEO." 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2634 A succession plan of a sort I guess. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2635 Artie, it's your turn to try. 1.2125 0.04602 80 63 17 0
2636 The note says,'Pull me out, win this seat!' 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2637 If Arthur wanted a standing desk he could've just asked. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2638 Ikea calls this desk, 'Arthur Modern.' Hope you like it. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2639 Well, I did use Merlin to get the job interview.... 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2640 When you're done here Mr. Damocles would like to see you. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2641 Looks like Arthur isn't in right now. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2642 New boss starts his day as King Arthur. Head of R&D thinks he's Merlin. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2643 He's got an extreme taste in executive stress toys. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2644 There's simply not a more congenial spot for happily-ever-aftering than here at Excaliber, Inc. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2645 The desk is made of granite. I have no idea what the sword thing is all about. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2646 Well, he sure made his point. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2647 I don't really know what the Excalibur account is, but Aurthur said he would pull it out after his webinar with Merlin. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2648 We're streaming the hostile takeover. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2649 You know the old saying, "Live by the Sword"..... 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2650 Whoever draws the sword from the desk, they shall have this office, for only then can the desk drawer be opened. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2651 This is the office of our CEO, Arthur. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2652 I assume this means we're looking for a new CEO. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2653 We have a good feeling about this, Mr. Whoso. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2654 So once you get settled into your new office, we have a meeting in the round table conference room. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2655 I warned him, you keep eating other people's lunches, and this is what happens. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2656 Unfortunately, it means he only brought his pen to the duel. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2657 At least it's better than nepotism. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2658 It's supposed to represent Excalibur, but mostly we use it as a paper cutter. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2659 Mueller left without it ? 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2660 The sword's still there, yet they let him be president." 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2661 There was no heir apparent. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2662 Again? 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2663 This might be a hostile takeover. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2664 Apparently that’s what a CV is 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2665 Did I mention that the fate of the civilized world depends on you? 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2666 While you were out. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2667 Guess Art decided to try another career. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2668 They’re gone, Sir. Your feint worked! 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2669 The culture is killed or be killed. I'm guessing you can figure out what happened to the last guy. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2670 Good ol’ nepotism is just easier on the furniture 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2671 Rod Serling's voice over familar music, " new hire Arthur King sees his office for the first time at Camelot technology". 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2672 This your chance to be CEO. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2673 Wow, she's really upset about having to chip in for coffee. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2674 We have a 'sword in the stone' based promotion system here. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2675 For some reason, we've had a hard time finding the right person for the job. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2676 This will be the first phase of the interview process. 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2677 Whoso pulleth out this sword of this desk is rightwise the new CEO 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2678 We are trying to help Robert kick the habit of sleeping under his desk all day. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2679 Welcome to Camelot, Sir! 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2680 Where did you get that loan from again? 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2681 I told you it was mightier than the pen. 1.2105 0.04708 76 60 16 0
2682 Nancy, would you ask Merlin to come up from H.R.? 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2683 Dammit Dave, it’s supossed to be a round table. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2684 Missed the point. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2685 Excuse me Mr. Excalibur, this is Steve... he just started today. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2686 We only have one applicant so far. Some kid named Arthur. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2687 The board recommended jousting to choose the CEO. We thought this might be better. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2688 When I told him to take a good stab at his new job, I didn’t think he would take it literally! 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2689 It must have been her ex. 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2690 Okay, Arthur, your promotion comes down to this. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2691 How long has the CEO position been open? 12 years now. They say the only way to get the position is to pull the sword from Rick's old desk. Working for White Castle is wierd, yeah? 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2692 the pen may not be mightier after all. 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2693 Hey Art, can you give me a hand with this? 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2694 Better call Arthur 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2695 It’s actually quite easy to pull out, but no one wants to work in the chain mail room. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2696 WOW! THIS IS NOT HOW I ENVISIONED THE ROUNDTABLE! 1.2105 0.06574 76 66 4 6
2697 Found it! 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2698 The search for the new VP is taking longer than we thought. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2699 The final test is if you remove the sword you get the job as CEO 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2700 I see that Jeff Bezos just up and quit. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2701 We’re not backstabbers here. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2702 Our last CEO was literally legendary. 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2703 Who put that phone on my desk? 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2704 I guess they really did cut his position. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2705 The desk had so many enemies, any one of us could have done it. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2706 He said, "The hell with it, I'm leaving. Let some kid take the job." 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2707 They said Merlin quit, but I had to see it to believe it. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2708 I thought it'd be bigger. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2709 The President thinks this is a better approach than asking for Senate confirmation. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2710 We asked the President to stop hiding under his desk. 1.2105 0.04708 76 60 16 0
2711 And I thought the joke was: "pull my finger." 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2712 Another headcount reduction. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2713 I don’t know, man...the last guy who pulled it out lost his job. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2714 I know it's a foregone conclusion that Arthur will become CEO when his dad retires, but I think the board might want something more official. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2715 And that's how I stay interim CEO forever. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2716 Perhaps we shouldn't have laid off Arthur... 1.2105 0.06574 76 66 4 6
2717 ExcaliBoss! 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2718 If you are able to pull it out, you'll be crowned King of Disposable middle men. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2719 This is our new succession plan. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2720 Welcome aboard the failing Medieval Times 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2721 The CEO before him was axed. 1.2105