Contest #618


Cartoon

618

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “I also have a centaur, but it makes people uncomfortable.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-05-27T18:47:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2018-06-17T19:06:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2018-06-11T18:47:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued June 18th, 2018
Number of captions 7070
Number of responses 1376577
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Strangely enough, you are the first person to ask about the clock. 1.9581 0.00843 9373 3327 3112 2934
1 Well of course they don’t exist. Now. 1.9346 0.00823 9735 3546 3280 2909
2 It’s on the enchanted species list. 1.8988 0.00803 9602 3504 3566 2532
3 The damn thing had been leaving rainbows all over my lawn. 1.8898 0.00860 8564 3237 3034 2293
4 Well, sure, but I never would have believed in a Trump presidency, either. 1.8830 0.00887 8539 3428 2682 2429
5 And this is a unicorn, a rare being most don’t even believe exists. Come to think of it, you have a lot in common with him, Black Guy In A New Yorker Cartoon. 1.8778 0.00851 9626 4018 2766 2842
6 I figured nobody would believe me so I shot it. 1.8731 0.00951 7327 2949 2359 2019
7 Bagged the Emu while on Safari. Bagged the unicorn while on LSD. 1.8656 0.00899 8117 3280 2648 2189
8 It's hard to get off a good shot once that carousel gets moving. 1.8598 0.00829 9286 3708 3172 2406
9 It was hit or myth. 1.8490 0.00809 9988 4133 3230 2625
10 I glued the horn on. I didn't want the grand-kids to know I accidentally shot a horse. 1.8428 0.00906 8115 3438 2515 2162
11 Where did you get the clock? 1.8288 0.00847 9274 4012 2838 2424
12 I also have a centaur, but it makes people uncomfortable. 1.8168 0.00843 9006 3858 2940 2208
13 And then, just when I thought he'd gotten away, the carousel circled around again and I got a clean shot. 1.8167 0.00896 7868 3335 2640 1893
14 Some say they are extinct. Some don’t believe they ever existed at all. It’s called an “Analog Clock”. 1.8084 0.01186 4854 2211 1362 1281
15 Of course I felt bad...I was aiming for the leprechaun. 1.8069 0.00905 7674 3298 2560 1816
16 Turns out they're magical but not particularly swift. 1.8007 0.00875 7663 3164 2862 1637
17 In my defense, it came out of nowhere. 1.8003 0.00840 8794 3783 2984 2027
18 I found it in the same place where Fox News gets its stories. 1.7856 0.00985 7121 3388 1872 1861
19 I’m still cleaning the glitter out of the truck. 1.7697 0.00869 8012 3560 2737 1715
20 Killing this one took some imagination. 1.7688 0.01057 5454 2437 1841 1176
21 Most people thought it didn't exist. And now it doesn't. 1.7542 0.01676 2213 1026 705 482
22 Coney Island carousel; 1969. Got him on the rise. 1.7538 0.00906 7343 3340 2471 1532
23 Don’t worry, it died of imaginary causes. 1.7490 0.01000 6140 2847 1987 1306
24 It’s okay. They’re mythical, not endangered. 1.7466 0.00884 7427 3332 2645 1450
25 Yes, I am that much of an asshole. 1.7453 0.00997 6706 3306 1802 1598
26 Extinct? Well, yeah - now. 1.7253 0.00928 7113 3422 2223 1468
27 The gun mythfired. 1.7242 0.00926 7354 3613 2156 1585
28 It would be a much better story if I hadn't hit it with the car. 1.7124 0.00983 6216 3019 1966 1231
29 And that's the last time I spoke with my daughter. 1.7076 0.01436 2856 1380 931 545
30 I joined a fantasy hunting league. 1.6962 0.00982 6158 3049 1931 1178
31 Well, I killed off something that doesn't exist and next thing I knew I was named chairman of the Republican plan to help the poor. 1.6960 0.01374 3484 1836 871 777
32 Now it's MY little pony. 1.6955 0.00934 7231 3716 2001 1514
33 I was aiming for a deer but I mythed. 1.6952 0.01459 2907 1477 839 591
34 Surprisingly, a lot like chicken. 1.6938 0.01025 5819 2942 1717 1160
35 You're right. With my glasses on, it's definitely not a rhino. 1.6877 0.00990 5805 2841 1936 1028
36 It turns out there is a magic bullet. 1.6862 0.01383 3066 1530 968 568
37 It's not what you think - I used too long a mounting screw 1.6768 0.01079 5452 2897 1420 1135
38 No, no... they used to be imaginary. Now they're extinct. 1.6763 0.01065 5187 2636 1594 957
39 First you have to believe, then you shoot. 1.6622 0.01001 5584 2824 1822 938
40 I’m not allowed back at Disneyland. 1.6558 0.00970 6238 3273 1839 1126
41 No, ... Right here in Greenwich, ... at my daughters 8th Birthday Party. 1.6558 0.01572 2292 1179 723 390
42 It was a mess, actually. Glitter everywhere. 1.6553 0.01044 5153 2642 1645 866
43 3D printer. My wife thinks its real. 1.6453 0.01116 4728 2528 1349 851
44 I came across it the same place you can find Trump's tax return and Paul Ryan's spine. 1.6413 0.01217 4307 2422 1008 877
45 The rich hunt the exotic. But the super rich hunt the imaginary. 1.6399 0.01110 4593 2423 1401 769
46 ...And that was the last day my daughter ever spoke to me. 1.6394 0.01064 5117 2738 1486 893
47 It's only illegal if it actually exists. 1.6386 0.01150 4106 2124 1342 640
48 Did I every tell you about my safari to Narnia? 1.6329 0.01788 1716 901 544 271
49 It was either hit or myth 1.6311 0.01072 5094 2776 1421 897
50 These days, there’s wildlife, and there’s alternative wildlife. 1.6305 0.01110 4704 2554 1334 816
51 The president just tweeted that he bagged a bigger one with more horns 1.6305 0.01309 3737 2141 836 760
52 I was lucky, I got the very last one. 1.6278 0.01610 2125 1128 660 337
53 It sums up the whole entitled, rich white guy thing pretty well, I think. 1.6161 0.01240 3780 2102 1027 651
54 Next I'm hunting for a politician that tells the truth. 1.6148 0.01489 2687 1517 688 482
55 Like veal but with a different kind of guilt. 1.6107 0.01240 3676 2033 1041 602
56 The hard part was getting a hunting license in Narnia. 1.6094 0.01220 3904 2195 1039 670
57 Difficult kill. Damn thing kept going up and down and around and around. 1.6051 0.01831 1689 943 470 276
58 Of course, back then, we didn't hunt them because they're rare - we shot them because we thought they were gay 1.5974 0.01459 2809 1633 674 502
59 Yes.....but he identifies as an Impala.... 1.5939 0.01506 2433 1366 689 378
60 Its magical beauty filled me with awe and wonder. So I shot it. 1.5922 0.01264 3661 2122 910 629
61 My granddaughter is still not talking to me. 1.5892 0.01789 1653 916 500 237
62 For that one I needed a hunting license AND a poetic license. 1.5833 0.01617 2090 1188 585 317
63 The cleanup was the hardest part. There was glitter everywhere. 1.5818 0.01493 2401 1354 697 350
64 And that was the moment I realized it was a children's birthday party. 1.5779 0.01567 2303 1342 591 370
65 I bagged that one on a four-day acid trip back in '67. 1.5760 0.01639 1979 1123 572 284
66 They were protected, under Obama. 1.5759 0.01417 2768 1605 732 431
67 Yeah, that was a tough one. The kid on the merry-go-round put up quite a fight. 1.5758 0.01291 3180 1803 923 454
68 It's great living in an era when they've loosened gun AND drug laws 1.5734 0.01862 1561 897 433 231
69 It turned out to be two guys in a unicorn suit for a birthday party, but I had it mounted anyway. 1.5718 0.01409 2819 1650 726 443
70 The irony is, I shot it with an imaginary gun. 1.5705 0.01381 2829 1631 782 416
71 Of course, my daughter said she will never speak to me again. 1.5698 0.01374 2808 1608 800 400
72 No, surprisingly they're not protected 1.5669 0.01405 2646 1512 768 366
73 Shooting it was easy. Bringing it back through the Looking Glass was the hard part. 1.5628 0.01525 2269 1311 639 319
74 Long story short, that's why my daughter doesn't speak to me anymore. 1.5628 0.01876 1457 831 432 194
75 Zimbabwe, South Africa and, of course, Narnia. 1.5626 0.01493 2403 1399 656 348
76 It just came out of nowhere. 1.5562 0.01580 2154 1269 572 313
77 Any more of those brownies? 1.5561 0.01605 2149 1283 537 329
78 Ran him down on my unicycle. 1.5555 0.01614 2119 1265 531 323
79 Like Chinese astrology, I assign an animal to mark each year. The antelope wall mount recalls a fast moving year full of action, the unicorn showcases a mystical year, and on its right, that mount depicts a year full of …well, you get the idea. 1.5550 0.01664 2036 1228 486 322
80 And I shot that one somewhere over the rainbow. 1.5545 0.01580 2083 1212 587 284
81 That idiot Donald Jr. sold it to me for half price because there's only one horn. 1.5534 0.01665 2051 1245 477 329
82 Yeah, I know. My granddaughter still won't speak to me. 1.5514 0.01631 1984 1168 538 278
83 It’s perfectly legal under new federal regs. 1.5506 0.01656 1938 1146 517 275
84 It’s extinct now. It was called an analog clock. Not sure what that is above it. 1.5502 0.01679 1921 1146 493 282
85 Spied her in a clearing right next to a fiscally responsible Republican. 1.5490 0.01762 1889 1172 397 320
86 And they said they didn't exist... well actually, now they don't. 1.5462 0.01722 1809 1082 466 261
87 Lucky shot. I was aiming for the leprechaun. 1.5458 0.01704 1770 1039 496 235
88 Took it with my Myth & Wesson 1.5449 0.01783 1749 1065 415 269
89 To this day, I still find glitter in the back of my truck. 1.5444 0.01731 1736 1027 473 236
90 I’m banned from the carousel in the park for life but it was worth it. 1.5441 0.01733 1759 1048 465 246
91 I think it really proclaims to the world what a total asshole I am. 1.5427 0.01784 1769 1087 404 278
92 I bagged that one in the Sixties on an acid trip. 1.5413 0.01792 1670 1006 424 240
93 Damned if I know. We were all stoned at the time. 1.5399 0.01777 1630 967 446 217
94 Yes, but to be honest my daughter already hated me. 1.5396 0.01828 1618 981 401 236
95 I rode that merry-go-round for two days before I got a clean shot. 1.5389 0.01792 1605 954 437 214
96 I tracked her through the lollipop forest, then the gumdrop foothills; I thought I had lost her and then suddenly there she stood, flanked by rainbows on the top of sugarloaf mountain -- and I took her! 1.5378 0.01928 1575 993 317 265
97 Yeah. My bad. 1.5368 0.01857 1537 928 393 216
98 There's an interesting story behind where I got that clock. 1.5367 0.01821 1554 927 420 207
99 He was standing in the clearing with a principled Republican, so I decided to shoot the less-endangered one. 1.5356 0.01904 1533 947 351 235
100 If you wear rainbow camouflage they never see you coming. 1.5328 0.01837 1464 863 422 179
101 I got that one last year in Narnia. 1.5319 0.01873 1442 860 397 185
102 That’s a misconception. They’re all over the place out in Silicon Valley. 1.5314 0.01836 1432 838 427 167
103 Wow! So that clock is made of real mahogany? 1.5305 0.01936 1408 857 355 196
104 I bagged him before the drugs wore off. 1.5301 0.01854 1394 815 419 160
105 It was a good thing I had my glitter gun. 1.5282 0.02010 1348 835 314 199
106 So much for that fairy tale ending 1.5260 0.01992 1308 796 336 176
107 The magical and enchanting unicorn appears to only a rare few and has the ability to bestow magic, miracles and wisdom to those who are pure of heart and virtuous in their deeds. So, I shot it. 1.5253 0.02045 1302 810 300 192
108 Yes, finding a Unicorn is more likely than winning the New Yorker Caption Contest. 1.5247 0.01987 1315 802 336 177
109 Wait til you see my honest politician in the next room. 1.5220 0.02097 1249 784 278 187
110 The hard part was shooting the leprechaun off his back. 1.5205 0.02020 1222 738 332 152
111 Ed was a remarkable horse in so many ways. More than anything he loved drag, so when he went we knew we had to so something fabulous. 1.5185 0.02121 1186 739 279 168
112 I didn't realize hunting had a fantasy league. 1.5181 0.02000 1214 728 343 143
113 To kill it, you have to believe in it first. 1.5181 0.02027 1214 736 327 151
114 That was the day my daughter stopped talking to me. 1.5171 0.02073 1199 738 302 159
115 The mythical creature permit was surprisingly easy to get under the Trump administrations new rules for fake animals. 1.5152 0.02209 1120 709 245 166
116 I told my daughter that if she didn't eat her vegetables, a unicorn would die. She eats them now. 1.5138 0.02177 1125 706 260 159
117 Yes, NOW there's no such thing as unicorns. 1.5134 0.02132 1083 658 294 131
118 Not exactly a fairy-tale ending, was it Stan? 1.5133 0.02107 1089 657 305 127
119 My wife thought the room looked too masculine. 1.5129 0.02097 1082 649 311 122
120 Of course it's fake, but the Base thinks it is real. 1.5115 0.02317 1042 670 211 161
121 Entirely legal. Pruitt took them off the rare and endangered list. 1.5106 0.02218 1083 683 247 153
122 My granddaughter’s 6th birthday party didn’t go quite as expected. 1.5105 0.02128 1091 667 291 133
123 This one we bagged on one of our LSD trips. 1.5104 0.02158 1060 648 283 129
124 Turns out there was one. 1.5091 0.02129 1043 628 299 116
125 Endangered is a thrill, but mythical really gets the old ticker pumping. 1.5065 0.02189 993 602 279 112
126 I haven't seen one of those since Woodstock. 1.5063 0.02207 1029 637 263 129
127 The only thing that stops a magical beast with a horn is a good guy with a gun. 1.5060 0.02339 992 635 212 145
128 I'm tellin' you. The whole trip was just magical. 1.5037 0.02257 945 578 258 109
129 All I remember is that it was the '60s, in San Francisco.... 1.5028 0.03000 533 326 146 61
130 To this day I’m not allowed within 300 feet of a merry-go-round, but it was totally worth it, don’t you think? 1.5010 0.02263 966 600 248 118
131 They're only endangered if you actually believe in them. 1.5005 0.02271 937 577 251 109
132 And that's why my daughter hasn't spoken to me in thirty years 1.5005 0.02364 937 596 213 128
133 My daughter hasn't spoken to me since. 1.5000 0.02330 950 601 223 126
134 You toss out a handful of Skittles in the right spot, and they just come running. 1.4983 0.02277 899 548 254 97
135 Trump administration lifted the ban. 1.4978 0.02360 924 586 216 122
136 That one was once the mascot of Trump University. 1.4960 0.02473 881 571 183 127
137 You don’t know what true fear is until you’re staring into the eyes of Princess Rainbow Sparkles from 20 feet away. 1.4949 0.02431 891 573 195 123
138 well now they don't exist 1.4936 0.02444 857 546 199 112
139 Is that a cow up there? You shot a cow? 1.4932 0.02579 813 530 165 118
140 The first and last one cost me $85,000. The one in the middle cost me my grandkids. 1.4932 0.02404 876 556 208 112
141 His trophy wife is fake too. 1.4931 0.02419 866 550 205 111
142 There’s a really interesting story behind how I came to be in possession of that clock, if you have a few minutes. 1.4930 0.02422 854 540 207 107
143 The horn was added postmortem so my neighbor wouldn't figure out what happened to his horse. 1.4930 0.02462 854 547 193 114
144 Turns out they weren't actually extinct. They are now though. 1.4923 0.02372 845 524 226 95
145 What he was doing in my pajamas, I’ll never know. 1.4918 0.02567 858 571 152 135
146 Needless to say, they'll never let me back on that carousel 1.4904 0.02527 830 539 175 116
147 Yes, they do exist. Sorry, 'did'. 1.4893 0.02386 844 528 219 97
148 Well, they did exist. 1.4892 0.02423 832 524 209 99
149 Lost my trophy wife over this. 1.4892 0.02435 832 526 205 101
150 I had the horn added later just to mess with my kids. 1.4885 0.02449 823 521 202 100
151 I was saving that spot for a picture of an ethical Republican President but settled for something more abundant. 1.4869 0.02567 801 522 168 111
152 Of course, they'll never let us on that merry-go-round again. 1.4866 0.02598 781 509 164 108
153 Of course, my position on unicorns has evolved since then. 1.4853 0.02362 783 476 234 73
154 The day after Trump lifted the ban, I was on a plane. 1.4840 0.02508 781 497 190 94
155 I don't know what you put in this drink, George, but if you don't mind, I'd like another. 1.4832 0.02435 772 479 213 80
156 Turns out they’re real...and delicious. 1.4823 0.02598 734 470 174 90
157 And here we have an alternative fact 1.4816 0.02652 735 479 158 98
158 LIMERICK: "I shot this magical beast...It made for a wonderful feast...Why should I mind,..If its the last of its kind...I'm an asshole, and don't care in the least." 1.4812 0.02586 744 478 174 92
159 The taxidermist cried the whole time 1.4794 0.02615 703 447 175 81
160 Not an easy shot. The carousel, it keeps going round, you know. 1.4790 0.02540 737 467 187 83
161 Running over the horse was an accident. Gluing a horn on his head, now that was genius. 1.4783 0.02619 690 437 176 77
162 I couldn’t believe it, so I just shot it. 1.4778 0.02571 722 459 181 82
163 That's nothing. You ought to see my butterfly collection. Ever heard of Tinkerbell? 1.4767 0.02591 709 451 178 80
164 Woodstock, in '69. Haven't seen one since then. 1.4761 0.02567 712 451 183 78
165 Finally, my horn section is complete. 1.4756 0.02667 698 452 160 86
166 Difficult to find, and even harder to find a good recipe for. 1.4753 0.02629 709 457 167 85
167 That's correct: they don't exist... anymore. 1.4744 0.02586 702 446 179 77
168 When did you say the bad luck started? 1.4741 0.02594 696 442 178 76
169 I must take you hunting there. It’s unreal. 1.4741 0.02586 696 441 180 75
170 Fake Gnus 1.4741 0.02740 694 459 141 94
171 Yes, extrememly rare. Central Park carousel 1874. 1.4738 0.02640 688 441 168 79
172 No one thought Trumps would get elected either 1.4732 0.02632 691 443 169 79
173 Everyone asks about the clock. 1.4727 0.02729 677 443 148 86
174 I thought it was a deer until it farted a rainbow. 1.4720 0.02770 661 434 142 85
175 What’s in this tea? 1.4711 0.02694 675 438 156 81
176 My wife wouldn’t let me mount the leprechaun. 1.4709 0.03034 516 331 127 58
177 And in the next room I have functioning congress. 1.4709 0.02817 669 448 127 94
178 ...and than he said "you can't shoot me, I don't exist". 1.4705 0.02625 661 418 175 68
179 Yep, Amazon... 1.4693 0.02684 667 431 159 77
180 Funny story, I was aiming for the Leprechaun. 1.4686 0.02648 653 415 170 68
181 When I pulled the trigger, I knew it was either hit or myth. 1.4685 0.02801 651 431 135 85
182 We nabbed that beauty in the year of magical thinking. 1.4676 0.03080 494 317 123 54
183 Much to my surprise, gentlemen, a lot like chicken. 1.4671 0.02693 638 408 162 68
184 Admittedly, my taxidermist has been known to use artistic license. 1.4666 0.02641 643 407 172 64
185 amazon prime 1.4649 0.02814 626 412 137 77
186 It's fake, of course, but it sure keeps the grandchildren quiet. 1.4649 0.02814 626 412 137 77
187 Well, it's extinct now. 1.4645 0.02852 620 411 130 79
188 Yup, you're an Asshole. 1.4640 0.02817 625 412 136 77
189 It was actually left in my bed by the Fairy Godfather. 1.4630 0.02897 594 393 127 74
190 Don't get him started. It's a neverending story. 1.4627 0.02777 603 389 149 65
191 ..but of course, we give a lot to conservation. 1.4625 0.02740 614 395 154 65
192 "And the Maiden riding her became my trophy wife". 1.4623 0.02859 610 404 130 76
193 Got 'em with my glitter gun. 1.4621 0.02901 593 393 126 74
194 This taxidermy display offends me almost as much as that horse's ass in the White House. 1.4620 0.03012 606 417 98 91
195 Surprisingly, not covered under the Endangered Species Act of 1973. 1.4619 0.02803 604 393 143 68
196 Yeah well, it was the sixties and we were out hunting on acid. 1.4618 0.02839 602 395 136 71
197 The meat tastes like cotton candy and snow cones, with a hint of marshmallow. 1.4613 0.02797 594 384 146 64
198 You wouldn't believe the amount of glitter in those things... 1.4610 0.02786 603 391 146 66
199 Isn't that clock an hour ahead? 1.4596 0.02847 594 390 135 69
200 Here, gentlemen, are the results of two African safaris... and one wild ride on a carousel. 1.4596 0.02766 594 382 151 61
201 Mystical, yes,,,, but surprisingly slow. 1.4595 0.02793 592 383 146 63
202 I followed it's glitter trail for over 4 miles before i cornered it under a rainbow. 1.4595 0.02783 592 382 148 62
203 After wiping out the endangered species, I was forced to hunt those that never existed. 1.4590 0.02914 573 378 127 68
204 And this one died when I grew up. 1.4584 0.02880 565 368 135 62
205 Got that one tripping' in the sixties ! 1.4584 0.02666 589 369 170 50
206 Sure, I feel guilty sometimes ... then I remind myself that I'm too rich to care. 1.4569 0.02825 580 377 141 62
207 Where did Frank say he went on his last safari? 1.4569 0.02793 580 374 147 59
208 Yes. Sixty years ago my imaginary friend shot this one. 1.4566 0.02923 576 383 123 70
209 That animal on the right . . . . Did you shoot a cow? 1.4566 0.02892 576 380 129 67
210 Is that clock right? 1.4558 0.02993 566 381 112 73
211 I didn't think Trump would win, either. 1.4545 0.02894 561 368 131 62
212 My other hobby is to take candy from children. 1.4544 0.02923 559 369 126 64
213 My daughter hasn't spoken to me since. 1.4532 0.02913 556 366 128 62
214 They also said evidence of collusion with the Russians doesn't exist. 1.4531 0.03019 554 374 109 71
215 Fake Gnus 1.4522 0.03116 544 374 94 76
216 I didn't see it myself until I believed it. 1.4519 0.02965 551 367 119 65
217 This clock belonged to my grandfather. 1.4516 0.03026 547 369 109 69
218 My granddaughter still isn't speaking to me. 1.4514 0.02839 545 351 142 52
219 Naw, it's really Nelly, our old mare. I got the horn from Amazon. 1.4507 0.02905 537 350 132 55
220 I don’t like to make too much of it, but let me just say — that carousel was moving really fast! 1.4505 0.02905 546 358 130 58
221 ...and I got this one pretty cheap since it’s missing a horn. 1.4505 0.03042 535 360 109 66
222 For the record, it was strictly self defense. 1.4504 0.02933 524 341 130 53
223 I think we used too big of a screw. 1.4500 0.02987 540 360 117 63
224 Hey Bill, what’s in these drinks! 1.4496 0.02885 536 348 135 53
225 I got that one off of eBay along with a Certificate of Authentication. 1.4495 0.02928 525 342 130 53
226 I understand that either Eric or Donald, Jr. shot her at Fantasyland on safari in Orlando. 1.4487 0.03093 526 357 102 67
227 Fox News blames Obamacare for their extinction. 1.4484 0.03050 533 360 107 66
228 Do you know how hard it is to find a taxidermist in Narnia? 1.4476 0.03013 525 350 115 60
229 I got lucky. It was the last one. 1.4476 0.03013 525 350 115 60
230 Bagged that one in Narnia. 1.4474 0.03022 523 349 114 60
231 My granddaughter will be so excited to see this. She's afraid they're not real. 1.4455 0.02998 514 340 119 55
232 Relax, I got it from IKEA. 1.4455 0.02985 514 339 121 54
233 I know they say shoot for your dreams, Stewart. But, damn. 1.4453 0.02978 494 321 126 47
234 It's just from a big plush stuffed animal toy, but it really freaked out the grandkids. 1.4442 0.03078 475 312 115 48
235 Bagged her during the year I spent as a woodland elf . . . after Yale, before Wharton. 1.4440 0.02959 482 310 130 42
236 This replaced a crucifix--the story is no less credible and a bit more fun to tell. 1.4433 0.03097 503 339 105 59
237 It turn out there is, in fact, a magic bullet! 1.4431 0.03001 501 330 120 51
238 The owner of the carousel was very upset. 1.4422 0.03063 493 328 112 53
239 That's nothing, we're having mermaid for dinner. 1.4422 0.03090 493 330 108 55
240 I didn't want to kill it, but who would have believed me? 1.4419 0.03169 482 326 99 57
241 I shot that one in Haight-Ashbury in the late 60's 1.4411 0.03027 492 325 117 50
242 I figure, why limit myself to fantasy football? 1.4411 0.03013 492 324 119 49
243 We have those same candlesticks. 1.4411 0.03067 492 328 111 53
244 Since they don't exist, I don't have to feel bad about killing one. 1.4407 0.03020 481 315 120 46
245 Honestly I did him a favor. Who wants to be the last of anything? 1.4389 0.03067 483 321 112 50
246 Technically, it wasn’t on the endangered species list. 1.4387 0.02961 481 312 127 42
247 Twenty-five years, and my daughter still hasn't forgiven me. 1.4387 0.03146 481 325 101 55
248 He granted me three wishes. I never got the last two. 1.4383 0.03040 470 308 118 44
249 I baited it with cupcakes, new-age music, and really positive vibes. 1.4374 0.03035 471 309 118 44
250 I thought I'd mythed. 1.4368 0.03200 467 317 96 54
251 I had it mounted years ago. I've just been keeping it in the basement until the girls went away to college. 1.4364 0.03045 472 311 116 45
252 By killing unicorns, we help conserve them for future generations 1.4356 0.03234 466 319 91 56
253 I used a crossbow for the one on the left and a hunting rifle for the one on the right. For the one in the middle, I just stopped believing. 1.4356 0.03161 466 314 101 51
254 I'm an asshole. 1.4354 0.03281 457 314 87 56
255 Well, you’re definitely going to hell for that one. 1.4354 0.03038 457 298 119 40
256 So I guess you’re probably wondering about the gardens gnomes now. 1.4351 0.03196 462 313 97 52
257 There was glitter everywhere! 1.4351 0.03225 462 315 93 54
258 Merry-go-round. Santa Monica Pier. 2008. 1.4348 0.03147 460 308 104 48
259 Bagging her was actually easy. But the manager of the carousel put up one hell of a fight. 1.4348 0.03162 460 309 102 49
260 No, I don't hunt. Turns out if you tickle 'em hard enough, the head falls right off. 1.4348 0.03024 460 300 120 40
261 Don’t ask, it was the sixties 1.4338 0.03003 461 300 122 39
262 Turns out rainbows make terrible camouflage. 1.4336 0.03202 452 305 98 49
263 OK, they were off of a carousel. How did you guess? 1.4336 0.03151 459 308 103 48
264 I was banned from all Disney parks for life, but it was worth it! 1.4336 0.03105 459 305 109 45
265 Yeah, but my daughter wouldn't speak to me for months after that one. 1.4333 0.03115 457 304 108 45
266 Note the left-handed twist, which is quite rare. 1.4333 0.03161 457 307 102 48
267 It's actually a gay rhinoceros. 1.4333 0.03176 457 308 100 49
268 I was actually aiming for universal healthcare. 1.4330 0.03306 455 315 83 57
269 I don't think you can truly appreciate a rare and beautiful thing until you've killed it and mounted its carcass on your wall. 1.4330 0.03062 455 299 115 41
270 I'll never forget this hunt. It was magical. 1.4327 0.03088 453 299 112 42
271 It was eating my roses. 1.4321 0.03223 442 298 97 47
272 The taxidermist was a real wizard. 1.4321 0.03042 449 293 118 38
273 I bagged it in Narnia. The hard part was getting it through the wardrobe. 1.4321 0.03139 449 299 106 44
274 Did I ever tell you why my daughter stopped talking to me? 1.4318 0.03274 447 306 89 52
275 I bagged that one in my granddaughter's bedroom. 1.4318 0.03258 447 305 91 51
276 I see an antelope, a bull, and more bull. 1.4318 0.03289 447 307 87 53
277 Yeah, got that one back in the 60s... 1.4318 0.03035 447 291 119 37
278 I mean, amazon just has EVERYTHING. 1.4305 0.03201 446 301 98 47
279 My daughter still hasn't forgiven me. 1.4305 0.03137 446 297 106 43
280 How the hell was I supposed to know it was a mythical creature. 1.4305 0.03121 446 296 108 42
281 My granddaughter is not speaking to me. 1.4302 0.03115 444 294 109 41
282 I hated to do it, but there was only one left. 1.4302 0.03147 444 296 105 43
283 Well, if they did exist, they don't anymore. 1.4302 0.03243 444 302 93 49
284 Well, they may be mythical, but at least they're not endangered. 1.4299 0.03075 442 290 114 38
285 Yeah, we got real lucky. They say there was only one left. 1.4299 0.03108 442 292 110 40
286 Big game reserve. Candyland. 1.4299 0.03092 442 291 112 39
287 Under this administration, it's open season on EVERYTHING! 1.4292 0.03259 438 298 92 48
288 The story behind this one is unbelievable. 1.4289 0.03103 443 293 110 40
289 It didn't help at all, she actually wants to live with her mother even more now 1.4286 0.03199 434 291 100 43
290 But now it seems I'm on a hit list of a group of 11 year old girls. 1.4286 0.03281 434 296 90 48
291 Nice clock 1.4286 0.03267 448 308 88 52
292 I was on safari with Timothy Leary. 1.4273 0.03220 433 292 97 44
293 The rest is used to make glitter glue. 1.4273 0.03302 433 297 87 49
294 It was either a unicorn or an honest politician and I found the unicorn first! 1.4269 0.03297 431 295 88 48
295 I bagged this one on an acid trip. 1.4269 0.03146 431 286 106 39
296 No, now they're extinct. 1.4266 0.03242 429 290 95 44
297 Yeah, I thought about it, but then I said "What the hell". 1.4266 0.03258 429 291 93 45
298 I had two fantasies left: bagging a unicorn and winning the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. Now there's only one mountain left to climb. 1.4262 0.03286 427 291 90 46
299 Agreed. The LSD is kicking in. 1.4262 0.03201 427 286 100 41
300 "There's an imaginary penalty for hunting them.' 1.4262 0.03097 427 280 112 35
301 Don Jr. shot him at the Pride Parade. 1.4262 0.03352 427 295 82 50
302 And then it granted me one wish. 1.4258 0.03309 411 278 91 42
303 It is the only hunting story I have ever heard that begins with "Once upon a time..." 1.4256 0.03380 390 263 88 39
304 Now, for sure, they don't exist. 1.4256 0.03202 430 289 99 42
305 It's a highly evasive species. 1.4256 0.03269 430 293 91 46
306 Lucky for me, I got the last one. 1.4255 0.03190 416 276 103 37
307 Bagged that one on an LSD trip. 1.4248 0.03280 419 284 92 43
308 Why settle for being a jerk when you could be a monster? 1.4248 0.03349 419 288 84 47
309 Damn thing was going around in circles when I shot it. 1.4248 0.03045 419 271 118 30
310 Mr Trump said he shot that one himself 1.4248 0.03433 419 293 74 52
311 Imaginary, my ass. 1.4247 0.03307 405 273 92 40
312 My last safari had a real fairytale ending. 1.4242 0.03121 422 278 109 35
313 Illegal? Nah... that’s just a myth. 1.4236 0.03409 406 280 80 46
314 What's even more unbelievable is the taste. 1.4233 0.03404 404 278 81 45
315 It comes down before the grand kids show up. 1.4231 0.03152 416 275 106 35
316 Surprisingly, it tasted like chicken. 1.4231 0.03261 416 281 94 41
317 The clock is actually handcrafted in Germany. 1.4231 0.03170 416 276 104 36
318 So tragic! I didn't recognize him in his Halloween costume. 1.4231 0.03296 416 283 90 43
319 Fortunately, the United States doesn't have an extradition treaty with Narnia. 1.4227 0.03218 414 277 99 38
320 I swear, Donald thinks it's real. 1.4223 0.03389 412 285 80 47
321 They're real alright. It's the part about their poop tasting like ice cream that's the myth. 1.4216 0.03306 408 277 90 41
322 But if I'm honest with myself, it hasn't filled that gaping hole in my heart like I thought it would. 1.4216 0.03214 408 272 100 36
323 We met up somewhere over the rainbow. 1.4212 0.03168 406 268 105 33
324 Mythical. Didn't need a license. 1.4208 0.03292 404 273 92 39
325 In the divorce, Judy took everything but my taxidermy and my hallucinogens. 1.4208 0.03429 385 263 82 40
326 ...and the one on the right is from a herd of fake gnus. 1.4204 0.03396 402 277 81 44
327 Nice clock 1.4204 0.03285 402 271 93 38
328 A decline in the number of carousels has greatly reduced their numbers. 1.4204 0.03304 402 272 91 39
329 Yes, my daughter and I have been estranged for years. How did you guess? 1.4201 0.03311 407 277 89 41
330 I know a guy who knows a guy in Narnia. 1.4194 0.03272 391 261 96 34
331 None of them are real. I just like making my nieces cry. 1.4190 0.03365 401 275 84 42
332 That one I bagged from the merry go round at Coney Island. 1.4190 0.03252 401 269 96 36
333 It is fake. But you have to do something when you shoot your own horse. 1.4185 0.03433 399 277 77 45
334 Don't mean to brag, but my hunting skills are legendary. 1.4185 0.03185 399 264 103 32
335 I bet Don Jr would kill to have one of those. 1.4185 0.03377 399 274 83 42
336 That damn carousel kept spinning, but I kept shooting. It was much easier once everyone jumped off. 1.4185 0.03469 399 279 73 47
337 One in a million, really. The carousel stopped for a split second, and I took the shot. 1.4177 0.03439 395 274 77 44
338 Who shoots a bull? I mean, really. 1.4177 0.03439 395 274 77 44
339 Well I said to myself...they're just so damm cute I have to have one 1.4173 0.03318 393 266 90 37
340 Sure, it might have been more ethical just to take a picture of it, but who believes pictures these days. 1.4173 0.03238 393 262 98 33
341 I still don't see the elephant in the room. 1.4173 0.03303 405 276 89 40
342 Well, I wanted a wolf but apparently they're endangered. 1.4171 0.03190 398 264 102 32
343 I have Trump's Time Magazine cover around here too. 1.4165 0.03381 389 266 84 39
344 There she was, right next to the jackalope. 1.4165 0.03302 389 262 92 35
345 They don't stay rare by themselves. 1.4160 0.03433 387 267 79 41
346 They really do sell everything at IKEA. 1.4160 0.03374 387 264 85 38
347 I bought it from a leprechaun in Utopia. 1.4160 0.03471 387 269 75 43
348 I bagged that one on an acid trip in '68. 1.4160 0.03413 387 266 81 40
349 Luckily I had a magic bullet. 1.4156 0.03285 385 258 94 33
350 My wife says I ruined our daughter's sixth birthday party, but it really completes my collection. 1.4156 0.03326 385 260 90 35
351 Can you tell it’s a carrot? 1.4156 0.03366 385 262 86 37
352 And I caught this one while tripping on acid. 1.4156 0.03386 385 263 84 38
353 Yes, I was lucky. I got the very last one. 1.4156 0.03285 385 258 94 33
354 They are remarkably fast and taste like cotton candy. 1.4156 0.03264 385 257 96 32
355 And that, gentlemen, is how I lost my dental practice. 1.4149 0.03483 388 271 73 44
356 Its only magical power is to collect dust. 1.4149 0.03465 376 259 78 39
357 Finding an imaginary taxidermist proved to be quite difficult. 1.4141 0.03248 384 256 97 31
358 No, it was not a safari, but it was a carousel ride to remember. 1.4141 0.03431 384 265 79 40
359 My granddaughter is still not talking to me. 1.4141 0.03310 384 259 91 34
360 I ruined the birthday party but it was sooo worth it. 1.4141 0.03371 384 262 85 37
361 They're as rare as moderate Republicans. 1.4136 0.03302 382 257 92 33
362 I bagged that one on the Big Rock Candy Mountain. 1.4136 0.03239 382 254 98 30
363 Yeah, my daughter was pretty pissed. 1.4136 0.03504 382 267 72 43
364 So I guess you’re probably wondering about the gardens gnomes now. 1.4136 0.03343 382 259 88 35
365 Well... it beats my trophy wife! 1.4136 0.03404 382 262 82 38
366 Trump says they are real. 1.4136 0.03543 382 269 68 45
367 My guess is he was hunting in gnome man's land. 1.4136 0.03516 353 241 78 34
368 In the end they dropped the charges but banned me for life from the Magic Kingdom. 1.4132 0.03457 380 263 77 40
369 They said unicorns were catch and release but I said, “Screw you, I’m American.” 1.4132 0.03576 380 269 65 46
370 Turns out, if they aren’t real then they’re not on the endangered species list. 1.4129 0.03484 373 258 76 39
371 It may be a fictional creation, but remember we ourselves are cartoon characters. 1.4127 0.03470 378 262 76 40
372 Buying the hunting permit was no problem once I'd purchased the ambassadorship. 1.4127 0.03409 378 259 82 37
373 Technically, I didn't break any laws. 1.4125 0.03232 383 255 98 30
374 Of course my daughter doesn't see it that way. 1.4122 0.03338 376 254 89 33
375 They used to be rare, prior to Trump 1.4118 0.03414 374 256 82 36
376 I had to kill my childhood fantasies the day I went into finance. 1.4118 0.03476 374 259 76 39
377 I wanted the lion, but the dentist got there first. 1.4118 0.03538 374 262 70 42
378 The hard part was finding a discreet taxidermist. 1.4113 0.03276 372 248 95 29
379 When I smelled cotton candy, I knew we were downwind. 1.4108 0.03354 370 250 88 32
380 It wasn't on the endangered species list, so I figured it was fair game. 1.4108 0.03265 370 246 96 28
381 Then I thought to myself: What would Trump do? 1.4108 0.03482 370 256 76 38
382 Didn't taste the way you would think. 1.4107 0.03386 375 256 84 35
383 Strangely, this time I felt both virile AND feminine. 1.4106 0.03501 358 246 77 35
384 It was that or a trophy wife - that's cheaper. 1.4098 0.03466 366 252 78 36
385 The Unicorn ?? Its head was in my bed. 1.4098 0.03509 366 254 74 38
386 Still need the Yeti to complete the collection. 1.4098 0.03289 366 244 94 28
387 Well the real kicker is that we're not real either. 1.4093 0.03369 364 246 87 31
388 Did you know a unicorn without testicles is called a "eunuchorn". 1.4092 0.03467 369 255 77 37
389 My wife bought the unicorn and killed the other two with her car. 1.4087 0.03437 367 252 80 35
390 Lucky for me, the current administration lifted the ban on hunting them. 1.4087 0.03394 367 250 84 33
391 I lucked out, the Fish & Game guy said these things are mythical, don't require a license and there's no limit. 1.4087 0.03305 367 246 92 29
392 Horse died of old age. I bought the horn on E Bay. It was his dying wish. 1.4077 0.03529 363 253 72 38
393 I bagged that one during an acid trip in 1967. 1.4072 0.03543 361 252 71 38
394 This is my way of coming out. 1.4072 0.03455 361 248 79 34
395 Endangered? No, that's a myth. 1.4072 0.03433 361 247 81 33
396 I say, if it's not on the endangered list, it's fair game. 1.4072 0.03248 361 239 97 25
397 What did Joanne put in this punch? 1.4072 0.03499 361 250 75 36
398 The one I got on safari had a bigger, much bigger horn. It was really big, very big - the biggest anyone has ever seen. I'm the only one who could bag one like that. Obama never got one anywhere near that big. 1.4072 0.03608 361 255 65 41
399 I bagged them when the merry-go-round stopped. 1.4071 0.03421 366 251 81 34
400 This one I shot just for my daughter, and of course she never appreciates anything I do for her. 1.4071 0.03421 366 251 81 34
401 If they did exist , they don't anymore. 1.4046 0.03430 351 239 82 30
402 Guns don't kill unicorns. . . 1.4046 0.03593 351 246 68 37
403 Just between you and me this middle one is paper mache. 1.4040 0.03584 349 244 69 36
404 My wife wanted to visit Narnia and I wanted a hunting trip. We met in the middle. 1.4035 0.03481 347 238 78 31
405 It wasn’t about believing in him. It was about believing in myself. 1.4035 0.03552 347 241 72 34
406 Real, fake — what’s the difference? 1.4029 0.03557 340 235 73 32
407 Had to climb over a lot of little girls to get that one. 1.4025 0.03448 323 216 84 23
408 And I bagged this one on an NRA sponsored acid trip. 1.4023 0.03699 343 244 60 39
409 Things got out of hand at my granddaughter’s birthday party. 1.4018 0.03548 341 236 73 32
410 Took a lot of imagination to bag that one. 1.4018 0.03474 341 233 79 29
411 It was just too beautiful not to murder, decapitate and hang on my wall. 1.4017 0.03498 351 243 75 33
412 Getting him off the carousel was the toughest part. 1.4012 0.03513 339 233 76 30
413 I wanted an elephant, but they're getting so hard to find. 1.4006 0.03478 357 248 75 34
414 It's like the horn follows you around the room. 1.4000 0.03554 340 236 72 32
415 But the truly remarkable thing is that I got them all with my car. 1.4000 0.03505 340 234 76 30
416 My granddaughter still won't speak to me. 1.4000 0.03530 340 235 74 31
417 I was just following a trail of Skittles, and then there she was... 1.4000 0.03627 340 239 66 35
418 Let’s just say, my daughter still isn’t talking to me 1.3994 0.03544 338 234 73 31
419 Say, is that mantel clock an 1874 Waltham? 1.3994 0.03569 338 235 71 32
420 African Plains on the left, American Plains on the right, Astral Plains in the center ! 1.3988 0.03534 336 232 74 30
421 Interesting side-note: My neighbors never had a backyard birthday party ever again. 1.3988 0.03657 336 237 64 35
422 No, they don’t really exist. Anymore. 1.3988 0.03584 336 234 70 32
423 Of course, the grandkids aren’t speaking to me. 1.3988 0.03682 336 238 62 36
424 The one in the middle is fake news 1.3988 0.03608 336 235 68 33
425 Then I drank it’s blood and now I’m immortal. So...you wanna turn on the ballgame? 1.3982 0.03548 334 231 73 30
426 And that’s why my wife calls me a killjoy 1.3976 0.03486 332 227 78 27
427 All I had to do was follow the rainbow-colored poop. 1.3976 0.03679 327 230 64 33
428 I figured I'd get him before one of the Trump kids did. 1.3970 0.03615 335 235 67 33
429 I had a trophy wife but thought it would be tacky 1.3963 0.03721 328 233 60 35
430 I guess this explains that rainbow coming out of the chimney. 1.3957 0.03634 326 228 67 31
431 Oddly enough, it tasted like chicken. 1.3957 0.03712 326 231 61 34
432 Yes, their tears can heal. I’m completely cancer-free now, but the biggest bonus was that when my wife saw this, she walked out on me. These things are truly magical. 1.3952 0.03695 334 238 60 36
433 And that was the last time my daughter spoke to me. 1.3951 0.03650 324 227 66 31
434 My daughter was seven when I bagged that for her. Now she's an animal rights activist. 1.3944 0.03744 322 229 59 34
435 The unicorn population in Narnia was out of control. 1.3938 0.03491 320 218 78 24
436 It was a lucky shot, I was aiming for the Yeti. 1.3938 0.03682 320 225 64 31
437 Yeah it was on Election Day. How'd you know? 1.3938 0.03682 320 225 64 31
438 We used glitter to lure her out of the forest. 1.3938 0.03491 320 218 78 24
439 well now they don't exist 1.3931 0.03698 318 224 63 31
440 So, I'm thinking: what's more important, the loss of magic and wonder for all time or that spot over the mantle? 1.3931 0.03534 318 218 75 25
441 It wasn't easy, by any stretch of the imagination. 1.3924 0.03549 316 217 74 25
442 Ah,yes. That was a magical day. 1.3918 0.03468 319 217 79 23
443 The big challenge was getting it off the merry go around undetected. 1.3918 0.03580 319 221 71 27
444 Honestly, I’m more impressed that all three are level 1.3910 0.03636 312 217 68 27
445 Nah, it's not real. I just like to see my liberal friends' heads explode when they see it. 1.3910 0.03748 312 221 60 31
446 My granddaughters still aren't talking to me. 1.3910 0.03636 312 217 68 27
447 Is it any more strange than having real animals on the wall? 1.3910 0.03636 312 217 68 27
448 I think the eyelashes are fake. 1.3905 0.03748 315 224 59 32
449 And that unique one in the middle... is a retro clock I also got at Pottery Barn. 1.3903 0.03624 310 215 69 26
450 Endangered? No, that's a myth. 1.3903 0.03565 310 213 73 24
451 Hey !! Who dumped an ice-cream cone on its nose?? 1.3903 0.03874 310 224 51 35
452 Being on the board for Disney has some unbelievable perks. 1.3903 0.03681 310 217 65 28
453 It was the last one in the world so I killed it while I had the chance. 1.3903 0.03737 310 219 61 30
454 The hunt was unreal. 1.3903 0.03709 310 218 63 29
455 Surprisingly it tasted pretty much like chicken. 1.3898 0.03512 313 214 76 23
456 Then it fell asleep on her lap. The rest you know. 1.3896 0.03754 308 218 60 30
457 I shot this one in my sleep. 1.3896 0.03837 308 221 54 33
458 Do you know how hard it is to score a Unicorn permit? 1.3896 0.03551 308 211 74 23
459 Let's just say my daughter's tenth birthday party was a mess. 1.3896 0.03668 308 215 66 27
460 Bagged that one at little Christina's fantasy themed 10th birthday party. 1.3896 0.03865 308 222 52 34
461 You should've seen the taxidermist's face 1.3887 0.03758 301 212 61 28
462 It was born a unicorn. But it identifies as a deer. 1.3876 0.03675 307 215 65 27
463 They aren't that rare when you are on mushrooms. 1.3876 0.03704 307 216 63 28
464 I think your clock has stopped. 1.3876 0.03732 307 217 61 29
465 It's not what you think. I bagged it on a carousel in Brooklyn. 1.3876 0.03527 307 210 75 22
466 And I thought I wouldn't enjoy my granddaughter's birthday party. 1.3876 0.03497 307 209 77 21
467 From a distance it looked like a Democrat. 1.3876 0.03817 307 220 55 32
468 Now I'm enchanted forest public enemy number one. 1.3872 0.03671 297 206 67 24
469 It was November 7, 2016 ... just before the election ... Had I known it was bad luck ... 1.3869 0.03807 305 218 56 31
470 You eat my hostas, you hang on the wall. 1.3869 0.03542 305 209 74 22
471 Correction: they used to exist. 1.3869 0.03778 305 217 58 30
472 It wouldn't get off my lawn. 1.3869 0.03662 305 213 66 26
473 At first I thought "this can't be real." But I shot it anyway, just to be safe. 1.3869 0.03662 305 213 66 26
474 Bagged that one in Narnia. 1.3861 0.03795 303 216 57 30
475 After this one I had to close my dental practice. 1.3861 0.03708 303 213 63 27
476 It did not go over well with the grandkids. 1.3861 0.03708 303 213 63 27
477 I got that one during the safari I went on with the guys from my fantasy league. 1.3861 0.03679 303 212 65 26
478 Yep. Thought he could hide behind a rainbow. 1.3861 0.03558 303 208 73 22
479 For the best big game hunting you simply have to go to Narnia. 1.3861 0.03909 303 220 49 34
480 So, yeah, as you can see, I'm going to Hell. 1.3861 0.03824 303 217 55 31
481 Of course, my grand-daughters won't speak to me anymore. 1.3861 0.03795 303 216 57 30
482 It was going to be a gift for my daughter, but turns out that's not what she meant. 1.3860 0.04171 228 158 52 18
483 Yeah, I was hunting somewhere over the rainbow when I saw her. 1.3859 0.03782 298 211 59 28
484 They might be rare, but they are damned easy to track. Just follow the rainbows. 1.3857 0.03673 293 203 67 23
485 If the internet hated it when I shot that lion, they're gonna fucking hate this. 1.3856 0.03852 306 221 52 33
486 Bagged that one at the Central Park Carousel 1.3856 0.03623 306 213 68 25
487 And yet, I've never found Jesus. 1.3854 0.03956 301 220 46 35
488 I bagged that one on Fox News' Alternative Safari. 1.3854 0.03956 301 220 46 35
489 I didn't believe in Donald Trump either! 1.3854 0.03984 301 221 44 36
490 I got there before Don Jr. 1.3854 0.03784 301 214 58 29
491 It was fate. I was standing standing in just the right spot when the carousel stopped. 1.3854 0.03695 301 211 64 26
492 That's Dick Cheney for you. 1.3846 0.03712 299 210 63 26
493 Makes me wonder about that hole-in-one he claims to have shot too. 1.3846 0.03651 299 208 67 24
494 Naww, just a horse in a party hat. 1.3833 0.03579 300 207 71 22
495 As a product of Kansas public schools, I say it's real. 1.3826 0.03897 298 216 50 32
496 We thought we'd shoot that unicorn before they become extinct. 1.3823 0.03764 293 207 60 26
497 That was the from the Flat Earth Society big game hunt. 1.3823 0.03701 293 205 64 24
498 Needless to say, my daughter hasn't spoken to me since. 1.3821 0.03751 301 214 59 28
499 All the proceeds from the hunt went to for the preservation of endangered species. 1.3819 0.03746 288 202 62 24
500 I told you his hunting stories are more fantasy than fact 1.3814 0.03555 291 199 73 19
501 And this one I shot at my neices third birthday... 1.3814 0.03874 291 209 53 29
502 No...this kind of trophy hunting saves the unicorns. 1.3814 0.03965 291 212 47 32
503 They said it didn't exist, which wasn't true before. 1.3814 0.03812 291 207 57 27
504 I've developed a really wild story over the years, but to tell you the truth, my wife bought it at Party City. 1.3814 0.03686 291 203 65 23
505 Damn right it was the last one. 1.3813 0.03739 299 212 60 27
506 I shot that one at my granddaughter’s fifth birthday party. 1.3806 0.03831 289 206 56 27
507 Carousel. New Jersey. 1.3806 0.03703 289 202 64 23
508 And this is Princess Celestia from ‘My Little Pony’, she didn’t go down easy. 1.3806 0.03984 289 211 46 32
509 I bagged the one in the middle at F.A.O. Shwarz. 1.3806 0.03638 289 200 68 21
510 The Care Bear got away 1.3798 0.03621 287 198 69 20
511 It appeared from nowhere while I was eating mushrooms. 1.3798 0.03881 287 206 53 28
512 It's put a real chill on relations with the grandkids. 1.3798 0.03687 287 200 65 22
513 Oh, it had always been a fantasy of mine. 1.3798 0.03753 287 202 61 24
514 Yes, it is from a Carrousel, but it still wasn’t an easy shot. 1.3798 0.03785 287 203 59 25
515 Legendary? Well, now they are. 1.3789 0.03637 285 197 68 20
516 The downside is that I’m no longer Olivia’s “favorite Pop-Pop.” 1.3789 0.03738 285 200 62 23
517 Don Jr. and Eric know how to thank a big donor 1.3789 0.03803 285 202 58 25
518 The burgers were unbelievable 1.3789 0.03771 285 201 60 24
519 Usually I hunt for sport, but the unicorn was just a jerk. 1.3789 0.03771 285 201 60 24
520 Don't tell the other hunters, but I made it with a 3D printer. 1.3789 0.03803 285 202 58 25
521 I just followed the glitter. 1.3789 0.03836 285 203 56 26
522 Yeah, but my granddaughters will never speak to me again. 1.3789 0.03771 285 201 60 24
523 Hmm. Seems like your clock is a bit slow. 1.3789 0.03671 285 198 66 21
524 Where did you say you bagged the middle one again Mr. Cheney? 1.3789 0.03671 285 198 66 21
525 Its a trophy from the Ken Kesey collection... 1.3781 0.04075 283 209 41 33
526 And that's when she stopped calling me Daddy. 1.3781 0.03821 283 201 57 25
527 Ethel was driving, and he literally came out of nowhere. 1.3781 0.03654 283 196 67 20
528 ...incredibly rare, but Eric Trump shot it anyway. 1.3781 0.04013 283 207 45 31
529 Screw 'em, since they claim it doesn't exist they can't claim it's endangered. 1.3781 0.03886 283 203 53 27
530 Yes, they do fart cotton candy when stressed. 1.3781 0.03821 283 201 57 25
531 Finally, I'm free of the elephant in the room. 1.3776 0.03627 286 198 68 20
532 So, that's why the steaks were pink. 1.3776 0.03694 286 200 64 22
533 The eyelashes are obviously fake. 1.3776 0.03824 286 204 56 26
534 It was a magical night 1.3776 0.03559 286 196 72 18
535 Hey, if I hadn't shot it, some other self-indulgent rich guy would have. 1.3776 0.03760 286 202 60 24
536 I bet that clock’s a one in a million antique. 1.3772 0.03739 281 197 62 22
537 Tracking down that one took a LOT of imagination. 1.3772 0.03671 281 195 66 20
538 She died of natural causes at the end of the Age of Aquarius. 1.3772 0.03636 281 194 68 19
539 Alright, NOW they're extinct. 1.3772 0.03636 281 194 68 19
540 I’m starting to think some of these trophies might be fake 1.3772 0.03739 281 197 62 22
541 Well, they're not officially endangered, you know. 1.3772 0.03873 281 201 54 26
542 Sat under a rainbow for three days before she appeared. 1.3772 0.03636 281 194 68 19
543 From the clock store on 5th street 1.3772 0.03970 281 204 48 29
544 My daughter bagged that one, the day after she discovered boys. 1.3772 0.03807 281 199 58 24
545 Only one horn, but I shot it anyway. 1.3772 0.03807 281 199 58 24
546 Sure, it cost my daughter years of therapy, but it was worth it. 1.3763 0.03825 279 198 57 24
547 Believe it or not, it was the least preposterous game at Mar-A-Lago. 1.3763 0.03825 279 198 57 24
548 Most of my buddies hunt for a trophy wife. I wanted something more ... unique. 1.3763 0.03723 279 195 63 21
549 I shot this one in my sleep. 1.3763 0.03859 279 199 55 25
550 Next year we're going after Tinkerbell. 1.3763 0.03791 279 197 59 23
551 One day, I'm gonna hunt down a Care Bear. 1.3763 0.03925 279 201 51 27
552 I bagged that middle one off the carousel in Coney Island. 1.3763 0.03925 279 201 51 27
553 My daughter asked for a pony, so I said, 'I'll do you one better' 1.3759 0.03829 282 201 56 25
554 For some reason, this one always makes the little girls cry. 1.3759 0.03590 282 194 70 18
555 How was I supposed to know it was endangered? 1.3755 0.03878 277 198 54 25
556 Of course things were different before the Endangered Species Act. 1.3755 0.03670 277 192 66 19
557 They're pretty to look at, but they're actually invasive. 1.3755 0.03844 277 197 56 24
558 Unisex, Obviously 1.3755 0.03810 277 196 58 23
559 That one came from James Thurber's estate sale. 1.3755 0.03598 277 190 70 17
560 Yes... My granddaughter is quite the hunter it turns out. 1.3750 0.03880 280 201 53 26
561 Bought her at an auction. They said Michael Jackson only rode her on weekends. 1.3750 0.03847 280 200 55 25
562 Your clock is running a bit slow. 1.3745 0.03931 275 198 51 26
563 I usually use a Remington 30-06 but for the unicorn I used my imagination. 1.3745 0.03897 275 197 53 25
564 This vintage Howard Miller mantle clock was really a find. 1.3745 0.03998 275 200 47 28
565 I've always been guided by the words of our commencement speaker, who told us to go after our dreams. 1.3745 0.03687 275 191 65 19
566 My daughter still won't talk to me. 1.3745 0.03897 275 197 53 25
567 To those who thought they were extinct, now you're right. 1.3745 0.03998 275 200 47 28
568 ... and thus ended my childhood 1.3745 0.03687 275 191 65 19
569 The one in the middle is actually a horse. We had the taxidermist add the horn so that our dinner guests wouldn't get upset. 1.3741 0.03866 278 199 54 25
570 It was a magical day. 1.3736 0.03984 273 198 48 27
571 Bagged on my last acid trip! 1.3736 0.04052 273 200 44 29
572 That was during the '60s. Need I say more? 1.3736 0.03704 273 190 64 19
573 It's been 20 years and my daughter STILL won't speak to me. 1.3736 0.04117 273 202 40 31
574 No, our decorator just sawed it off a carousel. 1.3736 0.03776 273 192 60 21
575 It turns out there is a magic bullet. 1.3732 0.03604 276 190 69 17
576 Actually, they’re fairly common on merry-go-rounds. 1.3732 0.03492 276 187 75 14
577 You killed a lot of dreams with that one. 1.3728 0.03753 279 197 60 22
578 My lord, would you look at that! It's already 1:45! 1.3727 0.03901 271 194 53 24
579 And I bagged that one on My Little Safari. 1.3727 0.03795 271 191 59 21
580 It's not real, it's just combed over from the back. 1.3727 0.04073 271 199 43 29
581 I see you killed your daughter's dreams. 1.3727 0.03971 271 196 49 26
582 We try to keep the kids out of this room. 1.3727 0.03795 271 191 59 21
583 Finding it was easy. The real challenge was cleaning up all the glitter. 1.3727 0.03830 271 192 57 22
584 I shot this one in James Thurber's backyard. 1.3727 0.03901 271 194 53 24
585 What better way to prove they existed? 1.3723 0.03938 274 198 50 26
586 I'm not really in favour of letting our imaginations run wild. 1.3717 0.03991 269 195 48 26
587 It took me four hits of acid to finally bring her down. 1.3717 0.03813 269 190 58 21
588 And now, under this administration, it's completely legal! 1.3717 0.03665 269 186 66 17
589 The experience really wasn't as magical as I expected. 1.3713 0.03747 272 191 61 20
590 No, that’s from a merry-go-round. 1.3713 0.03924 272 196 51 25
591 Let’s just say my daughter still doesn’t speak to me. 1.3708 0.03976 267 193 49 25
592 No, surprisingly it tasted more like leprechaun 1.3708 0.03941 267 192 51 24
593 I bagged that one when the carousel closed. 1.3708 0.03795 267 188 59 20
594 The funny thing is there are no prohibitions against poaching imaginary animals. 1.3708 0.03832 267 189 57 21
595 After it granted me my third wish I shot it. 1.3704 0.03765 270 190 60 20
596 Fortunately there's no law protecting mythical species. 1.3704 0.03691 270 188 64 18
597 Yep, I got the last one 1.3704 0.03765 270 190 60 20
598 My Little Trophy 1.3698 0.03700 265 184 64 17
599 I think you should avoid social media for a while. 1.3698 0.03961 265 191 50 24
600 Actually I was hunting for my little pony. 1.3698 0.03776 265 186 60 19
601 Of course, you have to believe in unicorns before you can shoot one. 1.3698 0.03888 265 189 54 22
602 The Trump boys can help you hunt even the most endangered of species. 1.3690 0.03861 271 194 54 23
603 Most people only chase their dreams... 1.3688 0.03981 263 190 49 24
604 1969, San Francisco, LSD 1.3688 0.03795 263 185 59 19
605 I thought the room could use a little sparkle. 1.3688 0.03717 263 183 63 17
606 OK, OK, it's a horse -- and a damn good taxidermist. 1.3688 0.03795 263 185 59 19
607 And yet the most implausible aspect of this scenario is the black guy to my left. 1.3688 0.03945 263 189 51 23
608 It promised to grant any wish I had to spare its life but I've got everything so I popped it! 1.3684 0.03912 266 191 52 23
609 I killed the left and right ones on my African trip, and the middle one on my LSD trip. 1.3680 0.03951 269 195 49 25
610 Actually, they're quite common in the Hamptons. 1.3680 0.03772 269 190 59 20
611 Sure my daughter will be in counseling for years, but, hey, when you got the shot... 1.3680 0.03772 269 190 59 20
612 I didn't really shoot him. The rainbow fell on him and I just had him stuffed. 1.3680 0.03881 269 193 53 23
613 Mermaid's in the next room. 1.3678 0.03696 261 181 64 16
614 I killed that one when I was a nine-year old girl. 1.3678 0.03890 261 186 54 21
615 This one was bequeathed to me by my fairy godfather. 1.3678 0.03775 261 183 60 18
616 Coney Island Carousel , June 1976. 1.3678 0.03928 261 187 52 22
617 Well, I think the acid kicked in 1.3678 0.04002 261 189 48 24
618 Thankfully, I realized that I hadn't shot a rhino, which are so rare. 1.3678 0.03775 261 183 60 18
619 Surprisingly , they’re not on the Endangered Species list. You can shoot all you can find. 1.3674 0.03858 264 188 55 21
620 It was easier than finding a trophy wife. 1.3674 0.03969 264 191 49 24
621 Santa's next. 1.3672 0.03744 256 178 62 16
622 The custody hearings never went my way after that. 1.3668 0.03833 259 183 57 19
623 So Bigfoot sees my hunting rifle and says to the Unicorn, "I only have to be faster than you." And he was. 1.3668 0.04023 259 188 47 24
624 Unicorn?! Heavens no. It’s a GMO horse. 1.3668 0.03871 259 184 55 20
625 Took me three shots - darned thing kept bobbing up and down and going in circles... 1.3667 0.03904 270 195 51 24
626 They're actually pretty lax about hunting licenses in the Enchanted Forest." 1.3660 0.03616 265 183 67 15
627 I waited for the carousel to come to a complete stop and then: Bang! 1.3660 0.03920 265 191 51 23
628 They’re not as friendly as you think. 1.3660 0.03920 265 191 51 23
629 They're emblematic of chaste love and faithful marriage, which is why my wife killed it. 1.3658 0.04082 257 188 44 25
630 I shot him at Disney World. 1.3658 0.03891 257 183 54 20
631 PETA can't protest it if it ain't real. 1.3658 0.03812 257 181 58 18
632 My granddaughter still won't speak to me. 1.3658 0.04044 257 187 46 24
633 Well Bill, they're a myth now! 1.3658 0.03891 257 183 54 20
634 The glitter got everywhere. 1.3658 0.03930 257 184 52 21
635 The hunt was legendary. I hit him in the fairy tail. 1.3658 0.03732 257 179 62 16
636 I really wanted a rhinoceros, but they're on the endangered species list. 1.3650 0.03828 263 187 56 20
637 Tried for years to bag a progressive republican... but, I'm pretty sure they're just a myth... 1.3650 0.04120 263 195 40 28
638 Yeah, it's a great clock. I found it at Bill's Antiques on 4th Street. 1.3650 0.04049 263 193 44 26
639 No, now they're extinct. 1.3650 0.03828 263 187 56 20
640 It was a challenge because the carousel was moving. 1.3647 0.03989 255 184 49 22
641 Endangered? I thought they were non-existent. 1.3647 0.03872 255 181 55 19
642 The funny thing is I was shooting blanks. 1.3647 0.04066 255 186 45 24
643 We got this one on our dream vacation. 1.3647 0.03759 266 188 59 19
644 Ironically, I was hunting an entirely different endangered species at the time. 1.3640 0.03610 261 180 67 14
645 Quite a catch! Although much harder to sneak him off the merry-go-round than you might think! 1.3640 0.03923 261 188 51 22
646 Of course, my daughter doesn't talk to me anymore. 1.3640 0.03769 261 184 59 18
647 It was so beautiful and life-affirming, I just had to have it. 1.3636 0.03891 253 180 54 19
648 Yes at the time there were only two left, but I figured bag one before they're all gone 1.3636 0.04201 253 188 38 27
649 I got him in my sights – it was hit or myth. 1.3633 0.04015 256 186 47 23
650 Admittedly, this one's just a horse with a party hat, but I needed a centerpiece. 1.3633 0.03938 256 184 51 21
651 My daughter still won't speak to me. 1.3633 0.03976 256 185 49 22
652 Turns out they’re not imaginary. They’re extinct. 1.3625 0.03871 251 178 55 18
653 The kid on the carousel made a scene when I bagged that one. 1.3625 0.04032 251 182 47 22
654 It was magical, but also a little gamey. 1.3625 0.04032 251 182 47 22
655 You should have seen the dragon that got away. 1.3625 0.04110 251 184 43 24
656 My granddaughter loves them and I thought, why not? 1.3625 0.04032 251 182 47 22
657 Nope, those are her real eyelashes. 1.3623 0.03689 265 186 62 17
658 Funny thing is, I was aiming for My Little Pony. 1.3619 0.03886 257 184 53 20
659 Some old myths die harder than others. 1.3619 0.03886 257 184 53 20
660 Well, it's not as if they're a protected species. 1.3619 0.03886 257 184 53 20
661 What'd you do with the rest of the carousel? 1.3614 0.03932 249 178 52 19
662 I keep the Tooth Fairy in the bathroom. 1.3614 0.03891 249 177 54 18
663 Turns out my daughter didn't want it after all. 1.3614 0.04133 249 183 42 24
664 It's the only way anyone would believe me. 1.3614 0.04054 249 181 46 22
665 Getting that kid off the carousel was my toughest challenge 1.3614 0.03891 249 177 54 18
666 Have you not read "The Trump Sons' Rules of Hunting"? When you see something rare and beautiful -- hunt it, kill it, and mount it on your wall. 1.3614 0.04093 249 182 44 23
667 That one I brought back from my acid trip. 1.3614 0.03849 249 176 56 17
668 Yep, I had to beat out the Trump boys for that one. 1.3614 0.04133 249 183 42 24
669 That one really upsets the grand-kids. 1.3614 0.03891 249 177 54 18
670 Yep, that was quite a trip, if you know what I mean. 1.3611 0.03979 252 182 49 21
671 That hunt - it was just magical! 1.3611 0.04096 252 185 43 24
672 Hard to find, easy to kill. 1.3611 0.03775 252 177 59 16
673 Obviously, fake Gnus! 1.3608 0.04173 255 190 38 27
674 You can only hunt it with glitter. 1.3603 0.04035 247 179 47 21
675 Extinct now. 1.3602 0.03947 236 167 53 16
676 They say they don't exist, and I made sure of that. 1.3600 0.04000 250 181 48 21
677 The most difficult part was culling it from the merry-go-round. 1.3597 0.03966 253 183 49 21
678 I had to use my six year old daughter as a decoy to get this one! 1.3597 0.03886 253 181 53 19
679 My granddaughter no longer speaks to me, of course. 1.3597 0.03966 253 183 49 21
680 And with this, my special place in hell is secure. 1.3592 0.04057 245 178 46 21
681 My daughter didn’t speak to me for six years, but it was worth it. 1.3592 0.03931 245 175 52 18
682 An alternative fact animal but real nonetheless. 1.3592 0.04098 245 179 44 22
683 It's a good thing the President nullified the Endangered Species Act 1.3592 0.04179 245 181 40 24
684 How I bagged that one is a Grimm story. 1.3592 0.04016 245 177 48 20
685 It's my first 1-pointer. 1.3592 0.03845 245 173 56 16
686 I’ll admit it – I was pretty high when I bagged that one. 1.3592 0.03845 245 173 56 16
687 Why are we still friends with this guy? 1.3592 0.03974 245 176 50 19
688 It took one shot to dispel centuries of myth. 1.3589 0.03898 248 177 53 18
689 The tricky part was getting it through customs. 1.3589 0.03898 248 177 53 18
690 If I didn't shoot it no-one would've believed me. 1.3586 0.04111 237 172 45 20
691 Well, now they they don't exist. 1.3586 0.04026 251 183 46 22
692 My wife won't speak to me now, so it was worth it. 1.3586 0.03987 251 182 48 21
693 They say dreams die hard, but this one only took one shot. 1.3583 0.03953 254 184 49 21
694 It's to commemorate my most recent tech start up investment. 1.3580 0.04121 243 178 43 22
695 What’s with the candlesticks? 1.3580 0.03865 243 172 55 16
696 Well, I've got to be honest with you. It's a carrot. 1.3580 0.03865 243 172 55 16
697 Well actually I'm just the proud Grandpa... our little princess bagged it. 1.3580 0.04202 243 180 39 24
698 It turns out they weren't extinct—yet. 1.3580 0.04079 243 177 45 21
699 Bagged this guy on a Merry-Go-Round in Atlantic City. 1.3577 0.04084 246 180 44 22
700 How the hell did I know it was endangered? 1.3577 0.03875 246 175 54 17
701 Not so magical now, am I right? 1.3574 0.03861 235 165 56 14
702 No, it's not an endangered species, it's an imagined species. 1.3574 0.03967 249 180 49 20
703 And Donald Trump was elected president. 1.3574 0.04166 249 185 39 25
704 She charged. It was a near myth. 1.3571 0.04013 252 184 46 22
705 I got it with a virgin and an AR-15 1.3569 0.04055 255 188 43 24
706 I got some of these on safari trips, others on LSD trips 1.3568 0.03930 241 172 52 17
707 ...and for this one, I used a 12-gauge Winchester Rainbow with glitter shot. 1.3568 0.03930 241 172 52 17
708 Well, it sure is mythical now. 1.3568 0.03841 241 170 56 15
709 So graceful, so magical...I just had to shoot her. 1.3568 0.04102 241 176 44 21
710 The real myth is that they can sense danger before it strikes. 1.3568 0.04017 241 174 48 19
711 Reality isn't what it used to be. 1.3562 0.04202 233 171 41 21
712 ...and then my daughter stopped asking me for things. 1.3556 0.04038 239 173 47 19
713 It was nothing compared to hooking that mermaid. 1.3556 0.04038 239 173 47 19
714 That was twenty years ago, and my daughter still isn't speaking to me. 1.3556 0.04082 239 174 45 20
715 It was extreme hunting. First she granted my wish. Then I shot her. 1.3556 0.04251 239 178 37 24
716 She appeared when Trump took office. On my next hunt, I'm going after a flying pig. 1.3556 0.04251 239 178 37 24
717 You should’ve seen the centaur that got away. 1.3556 0.04038 239 173 47 19
718 Too much? 1.3550 0.04090 231 167 46 18
719 You should play the lottery. Trump was elected president and you bagged a unicorn. 1.3547 0.04187 234 172 41 21
720 The hard part was finding and hiring a virgin to lure it in.. 1.3547 0.04187 234 172 41 21
721 I had to go somewhere over the rainbow to get that one. 1.3544 0.03926 237 169 52 16
722 It was very simple, I used a rainbow. 1.3544 0.04104 237 173 44 20
723 I was really lucky. I got the last one. 1.3544 0.04104 237 173 44 20
724 It cost me my soul, but isn't she magnificent! 1.3544 0.03926 237 169 52 16
725 He didn't see me in my metaphor camouflage. 1.3544 0.04233 237 176 38 23
726 And that's a souvenir from Eric and Don Jr.'s recent visit to Disney's Magic Kingdom Animal Park. 1.3544 0.04275 237 177 36 24
727 Tricky shot, that one, considering the speed of the merry-go-round. 1.3544 0.04016 237 171 48 18
728 Oh, no, Foster's not a hunter. He works in our prop department. 1.3544 0.03834 237 167 56 14
729 I had to close my dentistry practice after this one. 1.3544 0.04233 237 176 38 23
730 ... And then I realized I was growing up, and could never return to Realm of Innocence again. So I figured, why not? 1.3544 0.04191 237 175 40 22
731 Eighteen-inch high-horn. Shot with a glitter gun on my artistic licence. Gave the meat to the elves. 1.3532 0.04215 235 174 39 22
732 Well, I thought it was a rhino. 1.3532 0.04083 235 171 45 19
733 Pink, fluffy, dancing on rainbows but no match for my daughter's AR15. 1.3532 0.04038 235 170 47 18
734 It's a bit of a disappointment. We were hunting for Sasquatch. 1.3532 0.04038 235 170 47 18
735 For some reason my granddaughter refuses to visit anymore 1.3532 0.03901 235 167 53 15
736 I shot that one at Toys-R-Us. 1.3532 0.04171 235 173 41 21
737 Don Jr. said, "Go ahead, it's not like it's going to live forever!" 1.3532 0.04128 235 172 43 20
738 They're said to symbolize purity and innocence. Nothing a 180-grain thirty-ought-six round can't handle, of course. 1.3532 0.03947 235 168 51 16
739 My daughter is still mad at me. 1.3532 0.04083 235 171 45 19
740 ...So now you know why I’m banned from Scotland. 1.3532 0.04083 235 171 45 19
741 It's amazing how impressed people are until they find out it's just a snow-cone I glued on. 1.3532 0.04038 235 170 47 18
742 And they say it doesn‘t pay off chasing rainbows. 1.3532 0.03759 235 164 59 12
743 Never underestimate the power of a rainbow-glitter gun, my friends. 1.3532 0.03611 235 161 65 9
744 Yup, got it at the Trump Mirage going out of business sale. 1.3523 0.04840 176 130 30 16
745 It wasn't as easy a shot as you would think - that carousel was really spinning. 1.3519 0.03874 233 165 54 14
746 Man...I love mushrooms... 1.3519 0.04195 233 172 40 21
747 I think it makes the room really pop 1.3519 0.04061 233 169 46 18
748 I bagged that one at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. 1.3519 0.04061 233 169 46 18
749 No, they don't exist... not anymore, at least. 1.3519 0.03969 233 167 50 16
750 Mythical my ass! 1.3519 0.04151 233 171 42 20
751 And I bagged that one at my granddaughter's 5th birthday party 1.3519 0.04015 233 168 48 17
752 I traded Rudolph for this one 1.3519 0.04061 233 169 46 18
753 True Higgins, apart from misplacing my glasses, the rhino safari was superb. 1.3519 0.04239 233 173 38 22
754 We don’t allow our granddaughters in this room. 1.3519 0.04151 233 171 42 20
755 People think it’s a unicorn, but that’s just how it’s attached to the wall. 1.3519 0.04106 233 170 44 19
756 Is that an original Hermle mantelpiece clock? 1.3519 0.04283 233 174 36 23
757 I wasn't wearing my reading glasses-- I thought the bidding was for a Mountie uniform." 1.3519 0.04410 233 177 30 26
758 I prefer to mix fantasy with reality, just like the current administration. 1.3519 0.04195 233 172 40 21
759 I've always wanted one, and the EPA says it's permitted now. 1.3519 0.04195 233 172 40 21
760 Endangered? They're practically nonexistent. 1.3519 0.04015 233 168 48 17
761 It's still only a one-point buck. 1.3519 0.04239 233 173 38 22
762 Fake endangered species. 1.3519 0.04151 233 171 42 20
763 Despite what you may have heard from the Mainstream Media, these things are vicious killing machines. 1.3519 0.04195 233 172 40 21
764 There was a fully grown human male inside. 1.3519 0.04195 233 172 40 21
765 Actually, I hit that one with my car. 1.3519 0.04015 233 168 48 17
766 Before you judge me, I didn't shoot it. It ran out in front of my truck. 1.3519 0.03778 233 163 58 12
767 I was banned from Disneyland for life for that one. 1.3519 0.04195 233 172 40 21
768 He said he was the very last unicorn, but you know, they always say that. 1.3519 0.04061 233 169 46 18
769 Oh, it was an easy hunt, but the guy running the merry-go-round made it a true challenge. 1.3519 0.03922 233 166 52 15
770 I got that one right before carousels went extinct 1.3519 0.04239 233 173 38 22
771 I bagged it in the '60s. It was a different time back then. 1.3519 0.03826 233 164 56 13
772 For a nonexistent mythical creature, she put up quite a fight. 1.3519 0.04239 233 173 38 22
773 And that's the one I like to hang my hat on. 1.3519 0.03969 233 167 50 16
774 Turns out they're not covered by the Endangered Species Act. 1.3519 0.04061 233 169 46 18
775 That's what happens when you give a shotgun to a virgin. 1.3519 0.04061 233 169 46 18
776 It's not real. Anymore. 1.3519 0.04151 233 171 42 20
777 Of course it's not real, but his hairpiece reminds me of Trump's. 1.3519 0.04015 233 168 48 17
778 It turned out my granddaughter wanted a live unicorn. She doesn't visit much anymore. 1.3519 0.04151 233 171 42 20
779 Hard to believe, but I think I got the last one. 1.3519 0.04151 233 171 42 20
780 My granddaughter hasn’t spoken to me since. 1.3519 0.04106 233 170 44 19
781 Whadda ya mean "there's nothing there"? 1.3517 0.04285 236 177 35 24
782 I had no choice. It was attacking a snow leopard. 1.3517 0.04024 236 171 47 18
783 The steaks were magical. 1.3517 0.04024 236 171 47 18
784 Oh that one’s just to mess with my grand-daughter. 1.3506 0.03990 231 166 49 16
785 It was a fantasy of mine 1.3506 0.03990 231 166 49 16
786 Here's the one Ivanka bagged. 1.3506 0.04129 231 169 43 19
787 Up until the end, it insisted that it was a figment of my imagination. 1.3506 0.03895 231 164 53 14
788 Fortunately, the Department of the Interior eased some burdensome regulations. 1.3506 0.03990 231 166 49 16
789 That one I took down at the 65th Street Carousel in Central Park. 1.3506 0.04129 231 169 43 19
790 A little gaudy for my taste, but I shot it for the grandkids. 1.3506 0.03990 231 166 49 16
791 I got it from a Creationist who swears on his bible that it is authentic! 1.3506 0.04037 231 167 47 17
792 Let's just say that I got that one in the sixties. 1.3506 0.03990 231 166 49 16
793 I know — I thought they were exstinct too. So I figured this was my one opportunity... 1.3506 0.04084 231 168 45 18
794 ...and I caught this beauty while testing out my new rifle on LSD 1.3506 0.04129 231 169 43 19
795 My daughter hasn't spoken to me in 6 years. 1.3504 0.04224 234 174 38 22
796 On the flip side, they don't bring the grandkids over as much any more 1.3504 0.04001 234 169 48 17
797 After the first shot there was glitter everywhere. 1.3504 0.04136 234 172 42 20
798 Yup. Unicorn hunting. Pretty much the only upside to being a virgin. 1.3504 0.04136 234 172 42 20
799 It was a mystical, magical experience. Then I shot him. 1.3502 0.04098 237 174 43 20
800 Yeah, it was the last of it's kind and I shot it. Tell me it's not a great country! 1.3493 0.04153 229 168 42 19
801 I nabbed this one at Emily’s 7th birthday party. 1.3493 0.04199 229 169 40 20
802 The hardest part was finding a virgin to go with me. 1.3491 0.03929 232 166 51 15
803 They're actually pretty easy to bag. The hard part was getting a hunting license in Narnia. 1.3482 0.04121 224 163 44 17
804 I had to use my imagination to bag that one. 1.3482 0.04023 224 161 48 15
805 There was a point when dentistry wasn’t enough. 1.3480 0.04083 227 165 45 17
806 Then it spoke to me about destiny or something like that. I don't know, I just shot it 1.3476 0.04099 233 171 43 19
807 I got everything I wanted from my first two wishes. 1.3470 0.04084 219 158 46 15
808 My hunting guide said "Try this little pill." And I did. 1.3468 0.04096 222 161 45 16
809 The toughest part was timing the rotation of the carousel to get a clean shot. 1.3468 0.04290 222 165 37 20
810 So, just the one then? 1.3468 0.04145 222 162 43 17
811 Eric and Donald Jr. couldn't be more thrilled. It's not just an endangered species; it's the last of its kind! 1.3468 0.04290 222 165 37 20
812 It looked better than it tasted. 1.3468 0.04045 222 160 47 15
813 I bagged that one in Silicon Valley when it leapt out from behind a rainbow. 1.3465 0.04020 228 165 47 16
814 I know we're all here drinking his scotch, but doesn't Don Jr. get on your nerves sometimes? 1.3456 0.04260 217 160 39 18
815 It’s a rhino ... I shot him on Halloween. 1.3456 0.04456 217 164 31 22
816 It must have taken a lot of imagination to chase that one down. 1.3455 0.04316 220 164 36 20
817 They're not so much imaginary as they are extinct. 1.3455 0.04268 220 163 38 19
818 Once I lured her into reality she was fair game. 1.3455 0.04017 220 158 48 14
819 No, if it's mythical it can't be considered endangered. 1.3455 0.04017 220 158 48 14
820 The downside is that my granddaughter has disowned me. 1.3455 0.04169 220 161 42 17
821 I know what you're both thinking, but it helps with population control in Narnia. 1.3455 0.04268 220 163 38 19
822 I tracked him over the rainbow to where blue birds fly. 1.3455 0.03859 220 155 54 11
823 Rainbows are the best bait but virgins will work in a pinch. 1.3455 0.04169 220 161 42 17
824 The one with the wings got away . 1.3455 0.04017 220 158 48 14
825 My granddaughter, of course, is no longer speaking to me, but it was worth it. 1.3455 0.04119 220 160 44 16
826 That? That was a "thank you" from Don, Jr. and Eric. 1.3455 0.04119 220 160 44 16
827 Because with a Pegasus, you have a whole body to stuff, not to mention the wings. 1.3455 0.04169 220 161 42 17
828 So I said, "Mythical creature my ass" 1.3455 0.04068 220 159 46 15
829 I had to wear rainbow camo to get close enough to this one. 1.3455 0.04219 220 162 40 18
830 ...and was my daughter pissed! 1.3455 0.04316 220 164 36 20
831 I was lucky to get it. It was the last one. 1.3455 0.04119 220 160 44 16
832 I just need a Pegasus to complete the collection. 1.3455 0.03965 220 157 50 13
833 Strangely, he said he didn't think humans really existed. I think he's pretty sure now. 1.3455 0.04316 220 164 36 20
834 I was under some pressure. Jones, next door, has a Sasquatch mounted over his fireplace. 1.3455 0.03912 220 156 52 12
835 Well, they don't exist anymore. 1.3455 0.04119 220 160 44 16
836 And the one in in the middle I shot in 1969 while I was doing acid. 1.3445 0.04322 209 154 38 17
837 The magic eventually wears off ... 1.3443 0.03952 212 150 51 11
838 You have to believe it to see it! 1.3440 0.04244 218 161 39 18
839 On the plus side — it does add a lot of color into the room. 1.3440 0.04040 218 157 47 14
840 I think we're cursed now, but it looks good on the wall. 1.3440 0.04040 218 157 47 14
841 Where do I begin. Once upon a time in a land far , far away...... 1.3440 0.03987 218 156 49 13
842 I tell ya, that day was magical 1.3440 0.03934 218 155 51 12
843 It's really just a donkey, but you know how I like to embellish. 1.3440 0.03879 218 154 53 11
844 Narnia. 1958. One shot. 1.3440 0.04143 218 159 43 16
845 Bagged that one at a Toys R Us in Trenton.... 1.3440 0.04342 218 163 35 20
846 It was a dream vacation. 1.3440 0.04244 218 161 39 18
847 It wasn’t the LSD after all. 1.3440 0.04342 218 163 35 20
848 I bagged him during the blizzard of '06. My Land Rover slid off the road and struck a carousel. 1.3440 0.04194 218 160 41 17
849 Now that's a trophy you can hang your hat on! 1.3440 0.04092 218 158 45 15
850 ...and I bagged this on an acid trip back in the '70s. 1.3440 0.04194 218 160 41 17
851 Goes to show, no one is enforcing the Endangered Species Act. 1.3439 0.03950 221 158 50 13
852 Some say Unicorns don't exist, so I hunted down the last one to prove them wrong. 1.3438 0.04257 224 167 37 20
853 It was an unbelievable shot. 1.3431 0.04283 204 149 40 15
854 My daughter still isn't speaking to me. 1.3426 0.04063 216 156 46 14
855 That reminds me of our trip to Burning Man. 1.3426 0.04063 216 156 46 14
856 My daughter is 36 and she still hasn't forgiven me. 1.3426 0.04167 216 158 42 16
857 It was the sixties. I was on mushrooms. 1.3426 0.03955 216 154 50 12
858 My children needed years of psychotherapy after this one. 1.3426 0.03900 216 153 52 11
859 I was aiming at Bigfoot. 1.3426 0.04115 216 157 44 15
860 I bagged this beauty at my niece's birthday party. 1.3426 0.04219 216 159 40 17
861 It's amazing what 3-D printers can do now. 1.3426 0.04167 216 158 42 16
862 Turns out my granddaughter wanted a plush one instead. 1.3426 0.04063 216 156 46 14
863 Surprisingly, unicorns are not on the endangered species list. 1.3426 0.04167 216 158 42 16
864 I never saw one until Trump was elected. 1.3426 0.04269 216 160 38 18
865 There I was alone in the woods with my gun and a fist full of psilocybin mushrooms. 1.3426 0.04063 216 156 46 14
866 Greenpeace wasn't thrilled about this one. 1.3426 0.04269 216 160 38 18
867 They say they're magical but the taste is just so so 1.3426 0.04167 216 158 42 16
868 I originally wanted a rhino's horn but do you know how hard it is to find one? 1.3426 0.03731 216 150 58 8
869 No - actually my Daughter bagged that one at her last slumber party. 1.3426 0.04369 216 162 34 20
870 Fanciful thoughts were out of control. We had to cull the herd. 1.3425 0.04177 219 161 41 17
871 Of course it's fake, Dale. 1.3425 0.04127 219 160 43 16
872 I sprinkled a mixture of innocence and childhood dreams at the base of the rainbow, then waited with my AR. 1.3425 0.04227 219 162 39 18
873 Yeah it's sad, but the steaks were out of this world! 1.3425 0.04076 219 159 45 15
874 I shot two in Africa and one on the carousel at Coney Island 1.3425 0.04076 219 159 45 15
875 Without hunting, their populations would just grow out of control. 1.3423 0.04088 222 162 44 16
876 Had to shoot it. Blasted animal never stopped talking. 1.3411 0.04139 214 156 43 15
877 Yep, killed it with kindness. 1.3411 0.04139 214 156 43 15
878 Maybe I shouldn't have. Turns out to be much rarer than I thought. 1.3411 0.04192 214 157 41 16
879 Technically it’s not an endangered species 1.3411 0.04139 214 156 43 15
880 Well, I had to shoot it just to prove that they did once exist. 1.3411 0.04192 214 157 41 16
881 Unfortunately for him, his ability to fart glitter and poop rainbows made him stand out from the herd. 1.3411 0.04192 214 157 41 16
882 Everything else was extinct. 1.3411 0.04446 214 162 31 21
883 You're right, Jim. The view is much better on this side of the exhibit. 1.3411 0.04346 214 160 35 19
884 I poached the water buffalo in India, the impala in South Africa, and the dumb, rainbow, goat-horse looking thing I shot at my own daughter's birthday. 1.3411 0.04396 214 161 33 20
885 Yeah, Scott Pruitt allows them to be hunted now. 1.3411 0.04139 214 156 43 15
886 If you like this one, you should see the mermaid in our fish tank. 1.3411 0.04032 214 154 47 13
887 That was the very last time my daughter came with me on a hunting trip. 1.3411 0.04244 214 158 39 17
888 I had to kill it with kindness. 1.3411 0.04244 214 158 39 17
889 You could argue that this is proof that unicorns don't exist, at least anymore. 1.3411 0.03977 214 153 49 12
890 Yup... bagged that one on the Central Park carousel running at top speed. 1.3410 0.04099 217 158 44 15
891 Once he lifted the ban on trophies, suddenly it wasn’t enough just to kill the dreams and aspirations of the younger generation. 1.3410 0.04352 217 163 34 20
892 My granddaughter doesn't talk to me anymore. 1.3410 0.03994 217 156 48 13
893 Haven't seen one of them since the 60's. 1.3410 0.04099 217 158 44 15
894 My wife said she wanted to put a little magic back in our relationship. Turns out she meant something else. 1.3410 0.04099 217 158 44 15
895 We worked out sort of a compromise. I didn't shoot her. And she agreed to pose there from nine to five, four days a week. 1.3410 0.03940 217 155 50 12
896 At first I had my doubts about a merry-go-round safari. 1.3410 0.04099 217 158 44 15
897 I bagged this one on a merry-go-round. 1.3410 0.04352 217 163 34 20
898 I didn't have a choice. Its last words were 'The NRA is a terrorist organization'. 1.3409 0.04451 220 168 29 23
899 Even more impressive is the mermaid in the study. 1.3398 0.04135 206 149 44 13
900 He was hiding in a patch of rainbows and butterflies. 1.3397 0.04094 209 151 45 13
901 Field dressing was the strangest part...rainbow everywhere! 1.3397 0.04150 209 152 43 14
902 The grandkids were surprised, but not in the way I expected. 1.3397 0.03922 209 148 51 10
903 With all the hoopla these days about guns, I killed this one with fairy dust. 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
904 Nailed this one on an LSD expedition. 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
905 I tracked this one through 3 miles of glitter before I bagged him. 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
906 To be honest, I was aiming for the Pegasus. 1.3396 0.04110 212 154 44 14
907 Nerf gun, 100 yards. Close one! She was prancing right at me. 1.3396 0.04110 212 154 44 14
908 Now this one comes with quite a story. 1.3396 0.04217 212 156 40 16
909 I spared her from the misery of children's television. 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
910 The virgin is still at the taxidermist 1.3396 0.04373 212 159 34 19
911 Bought this one at a garage sale. Got it half off since its missing a horn. 1.3396 0.04217 212 156 40 16
912 It was the 70's. What can I say? 1.3396 0.04322 212 158 36 18
913 Got that one at my granddaughter’s birthday party in Jersey. 1.3396 0.04373 212 159 34 19
914 But I still don’t have a trophy wife! 1.3396 0.04110 212 154 44 14
915 It was advertised as a Fantasy Safari. 1.3396 0.04055 212 153 46 13
916 Can you keep a secret? The middle one was out of season. 1.3396 0.03999 212 152 48 12
917 The hardest part has been explaining this to my granddaughter. 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
918 So my wife said: there are more chances of you hunting an unicorn that our son finding a job 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
919 1. Yea, hunting on LSD, what was I thinking? 2. Phyllis doesn’t let the grandkids in here 1.3394 0.04286 218 163 36 19
920 She said, ‘this deed shall carry a terrible curse,’ but honestly, I feel pretty good. 1.3394 0.03836 221 157 53 11
921 I took it out of storage the moment my daughter left for college. 1.3381 0.04078 210 152 45 13
922 With the comb-over..you barely notice, 1.3381 0.04078 210 152 45 13
923 You’re right, it does have Trump’s hair. 1.3381 0.04078 210 152 45 13
924 I bagged that one at a NRA "Ethics in Action" seminar. 1.3381 0.04401 210 158 33 19
925 Believe it or not, an hour later I missed my shot at a flying pig. 1.3381 0.04401 210 158 33 19
926 That beauty put me in the NRA Hall of Fame 1.3381 0.04188 210 154 41 15
927 Now of course back when I killed it, these things were everywhere! 1.3381 0.04188 210 154 41 15
928 I took first place in my fantasy hunting league. 1.3381 0.04401 210 158 33 19
929 I bagged that one in Neverland. 1.3381 0.04401 210 158 33 19
930 This one's kind of a blur. Bagged him near Woodstock in '69 I think. 1.3380 0.04093 213 155 44 14
931 I'm only a Sasquatch away from the magical Big Five. 1.3380 0.04039 213 154 46 13
932 As soon as Trump took them off the Endangered Species List, I bagged one. 1.3380 0.04147 213 156 42 15
933 The Trump administration really relaxed the hunting laws. 1.3380 0.04253 213 158 38 17
934 It's actually harder to find a good Scotch. 1.3380 0.04210 216 160 39 17
935 I bagged those two on a safari, and that one on an acid trip. 1.3379 0.04068 219 160 44 15
936 It was a fairy tale come true. 1.3379 0.03963 219 158 48 13
937 Hopefully she is done with her “My Little Pony’, phase now. 1.3365 0.04322 208 155 36 17
938 ...and this one I shot on a hallucinogenic trip in the 70's 1.3365 0.04102 208 151 44 13
939 There were a lot of imaginary protests. 1.3365 0.04376 208 156 34 18
940 I haven’t seen the grand kids in years. Why do you ask? 1.3365 0.04322 208 155 36 17
941 The others are from safari - this was bagged on a California acid trip. 1.3365 0.04376 208 156 34 18
942 My kind of wall is to promote diversity. 1.3365 0.04322 208 155 36 17
943 My grandkids think I picked it up in Neverland but the truth is that I put it together from a kit. 1.3365 0.04376 208 156 34 18
944 Yes, I'm damed for all eternity, but then the blood of the innocent gives me eternal life, so it's a wash! 1.3365 0.04102 208 151 44 13
945 What about the one in the middle, John? Did you kill that one as it fiercely charged at you too? 1.3365 0.04376 208 156 34 18
946 It came to me in a dream. 1.3365 0.04102 208 151 44 13
947 Bagged her at the end of the rainbow. 1.3365 0.04045 208 150 46 12
948 That's nice, but it's only a one-point. 1.3365 0.04214 208 153 40 15
949 Of course, I have to hide it when the grandkids are over. 1.3365 0.03928 208 148 50 10
950 I think the acid is kicking in 1.3365 0.04376 208 156 34 18
951 Yeh, about as rare as a black man being invited into my den, I’d say. 1.3365 0.04322 208 155 36 17
952 I bagged him on an acid trip in 1969... 1.3365 0.03869 208 147 52 9
953 This one? Self-defense. The Carousel was headed straight for me. 1.3365 0.04268 208 154 38 16
954 After just missing the centaur I was happy to bag this. 1.3365 0.04102 208 151 44 13
955 Don't repeat this, but I touch up her eyelashes with my wife's mascara. 1.3365 0.04158 208 152 42 14
956 I'm not exaggerating when I say the guy running that merry-go-round put up a heck of a fight. 1.3365 0.04376 208 156 34 18
957 Little Chloe wasn't too happy about that one, but I told her it was being mean to the other unicorns. 1.3365 0.04268 208 154 38 16
958 The irony is I was out looking for Big Foot when I chanced across this beauty. 1.3365 0.04268 208 154 38 16
959 Well, after the divorce, my daughter asked for a ‘My Little Pony,’ and I thought ‘You know what? I’ll do you one better. 1.3365 0.04268 208 154 38 16
960 Not to worry; it's never been listed on the Endangered Species Act. 1.3365 0.03987 208 149 48 11
961 Ah, ok. Now I'm stoned. 1.3365 0.04102 208 151 44 13
962 This was the same day I met your mother. 1.3364 0.04077 214 156 44 14
963 Actually, it tasted more like Spotted Owl. 1.3350 0.04295 206 153 37 16
964 You're not really rich until you've killed an imaginary animal. 1.3350 0.04126 206 150 43 13
965 I bagged it at my daughter's fifth birthday party. 1.3350 0.04295 206 153 37 16
966 The other end dispenses artisan spices and ice cubes. 1.3350 0.04183 206 151 41 14
967 Honestly, I just don't care that this created a special place in Hell for me. 1.3350 0.04349 206 154 35 17
968 Actually, that one I bought at a garage sale. 1.3350 0.04239 206 152 39 15
969 I'm not into mythical but it kind of rounds out the collection, 1.3350 0.04295 206 153 37 16
970 Wasn’t so lucky after all ... 1.3350 0.04295 206 153 37 16
971 It's the only thing that keeps my damn grandkids from stopping by. 1.3350 0.04183 206 151 41 14
972 Isn't she a beauty, she was my first carousel ride. 1.3350 0.04404 206 155 33 18
973 Lucky for me, this one's magic powers were limited to card tricks. 1.3350 0.03828 206 145 53 8
974 So this is how I got my kids to stay out of the den. 1.3350 0.04126 206 150 43 13
975 A prime example of fake gnus. 1.3350 0.04404 206 155 33 18
976 That unicorn's horn is fake. The real one was ground up and sent off to battle E.D. in China. 1.3350 0.04295 206 153 37 16
977 Mythologically, it's not murder. 1.3350 0.04126 206 150 43 13
978 Wow, shot through the forehead with an ice cream cone! 1.3350 0.04457 206 156 31 19
979 Took me a while to scratch this one off my bucket list. 1.3349 0.04141 209 153 42 14
980 Yeah, a new thing: safaris for little girls. My eight year old loved it. 1.3349 0.04358 209 157 34 18
981 I nailed him at a merry-go-round. 1.3349 0.04410 209 158 32 19
982 Traditional weapons were ineffective, had to use social media. 1.3349 0.04085 209 152 44 13
983 Then I had a second thought, "What the heck, I am a Republican after all." 1.3349 0.04358 209 157 34 18
984 Well, it did grant me one wish... 1.3349 0.04101 212 155 43 14
985 My complete set of Care Bears is in the other room. 1.3333 0.04377 204 153 34 17
986 I thought better about posting this one on Facebook. 1.3333 0.04287 210 157 36 17
987 It's actually just a white mare, but I finished her off with a piece of rebar. 1.3333 0.04432 204 154 32 18
988 The guide said my hunting fees would fund their conservation. 1.3333 0.04109 207 151 43 13
989 Actually, it's not a vestigial horn. It's a party hat. 1.3333 0.04277 207 154 37 16
990 If you find this hard to believe, you should see the parking spot I found this morning. 1.3333 0.03993 207 149 47 11
991 'That was long ago when I still believed.' 1.3333 0.04377 204 153 34 17
992 It was easy to track them in my sights since they kept going around and around in the same circle... 1.3333 0.04208 204 150 40 14
993 Like it? I got the very last one. 1.3333 0.04265 204 151 38 15
994 apparently, being mythical is no protection 1.3333 0.04150 204 149 42 13
995 Shooting them is easy. Finding them is tough. 1.3333 0.04166 207 152 41 14
996 My therapist told me that I needed to quit childish things, so I took up hunting 1.3333 0.04208 204 150 40 14
997 Just north of Woodstock in 1969. 1.3333 0.04321 204 152 36 16
998 I bagged that one on a '60's college acid trip. 1.3333 0.04491 207 158 29 20
999 So what's the big deal, it's only a one pointer? 1.3333 0.03955 210 151 48 11
1000 And this one here I killed using only the power of my imagination. 1.3333 0.04377 204 153 34 17
1001 The therapist said I needed to start confronting my internalized sense of toxic masculinity. 1.3333 0.04092 204 148 44 12
1002 The matching rainbow is in the garage. 1.3333 0.04092 204 148 44 12
1003 I didn't find the horn unusual, but then he said my name out loud . . . 1.3333 0.04377 204 153 34 17
1004 My granddaughter doesn't talk to me anymore. 1.3333 0.04208 204 150 40 14
1005 Turns out that was the last one. 1.3333 0.04032 204 147 46 11
1006 The kids wanted to go to Disney, but I wanted to go on safari, so we compromised. 1.3333 0.03972 204 146 48 10
1007 Well, I needed a hobby after I retired from lobbying. 1.3317 0.04191 205 151 40 14
1008 It's really a Zebra. But a Taxidermist from the NRA, said he could keep me out of trouble. 1.3317 0.04292 202 150 37 15
1009 The rainbow piles make them surprisingly easy to track. 1.3317 0.04175 202 148 41 13
1010 There were two. Some guy named Noah rescued the other one 1.3317 0.04405 202 152 33 17
1011 Nasty things - one shot and there’s gumdrops everywhere. 1.3317 0.04292 202 150 37 15
1012 I wish I could elaborate, but the sixties were crazy. 1.3317 0.04116 202 147 43 12
1013 Well, it was never listed as "endangered." 1.3300 0.04200 200 147 40 13
1014 Finally I understand why his seven year old daughter broke all his golf clubs. 1.3300 0.04376 200 150 34 16
1015 Did I every tell you about my safari to Narnia? 1.3300 0.04376 200 150 34 16
1016 And then there was none. 1.3300 0.04318 200 149 36 15
1017 Yes, unicorns did exist. 1.3300 0.03954 200 143 48 9
1018 I bagged this one on a Magical Mystery Tour. 1.3300 0.04260 200 148 38 14
1019 Granddaughter bagged the one in the middle. Kind of a disturbed kid. 1.3300 0.04376 200 150 34 16
1020 The hardest thing was getting the virgin to help. 1.3300 0.04376 200 150 34 16
1021 . . . so, apparently I'm no longer welcome at the Twilight Sparkle Wildlife Preserve. 1.3300 0.04140 200 146 42 12
1022 I slightly misheard when she requested a legendary feast to celebrate our anniversary. 1.3300 0.04376 200 150 34 16
1023 Trump is really rolling back restrictions on trophy hunting 1.3299 0.04539 197 150 29 18
1024 With the glitter and rainbow camouflage, she never saw me coming. 1.3299 0.04423 197 148 33 16
1025 We would have preferred a Centaur-piece. 1.3299 0.04244 197 145 39 13
1026 It's a fake. But don't tell the Trump boys. They paid off on a huge bet. 1.3299 0.04596 197 151 27 19
1027 You don't see many of these party animals anymore 1.3299 0.04244 197 145 39 13
1028 I didn't shoot that one. It died of apoplexy when Trump was elected president. 1.3299 0.04652 197 152 25 20
1029 I caught this one with a dream catcher. 1.3299 0.04305 197 146 37 14
1030 But it never did solve my impotence. 1.3299 0.04120 197 143 43 11
1031 My granddaughter keyed my Mercedes. 1.3299 0.04596 197 151 27 19
1032 Every so often, this one makes me feel a little guilty. 1.3299 0.04244 197 145 39 13
1033 Bittersweet...my granddaughter has stopped speaking to me. 1.3299 0.04423 197 148 33 16
1034 She gave me one wish so I asked for her head. 1.3299 0.03898 194 137 50 7
1035 I bagged the middle one after dropping some acid. 1.3299 0.04227 194 142 40 12
1036 Wow. When you said you bagged a unicorn I just assumed it meant a new account. 1.3284 0.04140 204 150 41 13
1037 Thank god for deregulation! 1.3284 0.04357 201 151 34 16
1038 Getting that one was a fantasy come true. 1.3284 0.04123 201 147 42 12
1039 There's an interesting story behind that one. Once upon a time.... 1.3284 0.04183 201 148 40 13
1040 And this one here is why my grandkids hate me. 1.3283 0.04346 198 148 35 15
1041 Yup, I guess I over-reacted when they said I was too old to ride the carousel. 1.3283 0.04462 198 150 31 17
1042 You'll never believe this: I woke up with that in my bed a few weeks ago. 1.3283 0.04346 198 148 35 15
1043 It was just after that I got my A rating from the NRA 1.3283 0.04286 198 147 37 14
1044 In my defense, she was wearing a hoodie at the time. 1.3282 0.04208 195 143 40 12
1045 No one was more surprised than me, I didn't think fantasy was my genre. 1.3282 0.04015 195 140 46 9
1046 That's nothing. You should see my Loch Ness trophy. 1.3282 0.04208 195 143 40 12
1047 That's a trophy from my one and only LSD hunting trip. 1.3282 0.04208 195 143 40 12
1048 My granddaughters haven't spoken to me since. 1.3282 0.04332 195 145 36 14
1049 Tastes like chicken. 1.3282 0.04511 195 148 30 17
1050 Next fall I thought I'd change my game, and go sport fishing on Loch Ness. 1.3267 0.04224 202 150 38 14
1051 When I heard here was only one left I knew I had to have it 1.3266 0.04443 199 151 31 17
1052 My daughter never forgave me. 1.3265 0.04190 196 144 40 12
1053 It wasn't on the endangered list at the time. 1.3264 0.04105 193 140 43 10
1054 It was a Mid Summer Night Dream....... 1.3264 0.04297 193 143 37 13
1055 From what I have heard the white ones are quite rare. 1.3264 0.04482 193 146 31 16
1056 But at heart, I'm really a unicorn conservationist. 1.3264 0.04297 193 143 37 13
1057 Well, I realized no one would believe me ever again. 1.3264 0.04105 193 140 43 10
1058 Spotted this one running in circles on a playground in Jersey. 1.3264 0.04482 193 146 31 16
1059 It WAS magical. Until she started debating my Second Amendment rights. 1.3264 0.04360 193 144 35 14
1060 A toast, gentlemen, to a taxidermist with imagination! 1.3264 0.04234 193 142 39 12
1061 It's about as real as the democratic processes. 1.3264 0.04421 193 145 33 15
1062 It wasn't easy; I had to track him to the end of the rainbow. 1.3264 0.04038 193 139 45 9
1063 It’s a result of one of my first ‘trips’ in the late sixties 1.3264 0.04038 193 139 45 9
1064 3-D printer, a drill bit, and shoe polish. 1.3264 0.04659 193 149 25 19
1065 I checked - they're not on the endangered list. 1.3264 0.04038 193 139 45 9
1066 My daughter cried for days, but it really does tie the room together. 1.3264 0.04360 193 144 35 14
1067 My daughter bagged that one. 1.3264 0.04234 193 142 39 12
1068 Comes in handy for ring toss. 1.3264 0.04297 193 143 37 13
1069 I had to use pink marshmallow bullets. 1.3264 0.04421 193 145 33 15
1070 1998. Family trip to Candyland. My daughter still won't talk to me. 1.3264 0.04360 193 144 35 14
1071 Yes, I am estranged from my daughter. 1.3264 0.04234 193 142 39 12
1072 I normally use a rifle but this one I charmed to death. 1.3264 0.04482 193 146 31 16
1073 Oh, Dick Cheney got that one. 1.3264 0.04421 193 145 33 15
1074 That one charged my daughter on a merry-go-round. 1.3264 0.04360 193 144 35 14
1075 My granddaughter hates me. 1.3264 0.04038 193 139 45 9
1076 Once I crossed the rainbow bridge and found his candy poop trail I knew it was just a matter of time. 1.3264 0.04360 193 144 35 14
1077 I knew, if I waited, it would come around again. 1.3264 0.04297 193 143 37 13
1078 I got that one by following a trail of rainbow glitter. 1.3264 0.04170 193 141 41 11
1079 Shot 'er next to Bubble Gum River with a sawed-off candy cane. 1.3264 0.04421 193 145 33 15
1080 Bagged him in the Haight in '68. 1.3264 0.04234 193 142 39 12
1081 I just followed the rainbow poop. 1.3264 0.04297 193 143 37 13
1082 And this majestic specimen got me banned for life from the Pier 62 Carousel. 1.3263 0.04344 190 141 36 13
1083 That one's an accident. I was aiming for Bigfoot. 1.3262 0.04457 187 140 33 14
1084 I see you're now hunting in theme parks. 1.3247 0.04216 194 143 39 12
1085 It was the last of its kind, but fortunately for rich guys like me, Donald Trump removed it from the endangered species list. 1.3247 0.04152 194 142 41 11
1086 Magnificent shot, museum quality mounting but maybe we should rejoin the ladies? I believe they have stopped screaming now. 1.3247 0.04462 194 147 31 16
1087 They said it was non-existent. Turned out it was just the last of an entire species. So, who looks stupid now? 1.3247 0.04216 194 143 39 12
1088 And they said it could only be caught by a virgin. 1.3247 0.04402 194 146 33 15
1089 I bagged him on a Coney Island acid trip back in the 60's. 1.3247 0.03954 194 139 47 8
1090 We had to take this one to the taxidermyth 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1091 My granddaughter won't talk to me now. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
1092 Yup, bagged that one in Narnia. Guess you could call it my little pony. 1.3246 0.04512 191 145 30 16
1093 Yeah, it's a pretty good trophy, but it cost me the one that said "World's Best Grandpa." 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1094 Another example of Fake News. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
1095 I never believed in them until I killed one. 1.3246 0.04512 191 145 30 16
1096 This one here I got during a mushroom binge at Woodstock. 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1097 And this trophy was taken down at my granddaughter’s birthday party. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
1098 Dave's fake game trophies always create an awkward atmosphere. Wait till you see the elephant in the other room 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1099 That one took first place in my fantasy hunting league. 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1100 Don’t worry, no one knows it exists, so it’s not considered endangered. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
1101 The Yeti is in the next room. 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1102 And wouldn't you know, it was the last one. 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1103 My daughter’s first kill when she was 12. 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1104 Endangered? No, it's only imaginary. 1.3246 0.03993 191 137 46 8
1105 Unfortunately, the sparkles vanished after I shot it. 1.3246 0.04261 191 141 38 12
1106 That was a hell of an acid trip, boys. 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1107 I figured I’d kill my daughter’s dreams early on. 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1108 Interesting story, I got him with my unicycle. 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1109 That was a gift from Scott Pruitt. 1.3246 0.04512 191 145 30 16
1110 A myth? Well, they are now. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
1111 Seen one, seen ‘em all. 1.3246 0.04195 191 140 40 11
1112 The good news is that they're not endangered anymore. 1.3246 0.04261 191 141 38 12
1113 No, I have no family. Why do you ask? 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1114 It tastes just like Griffin. 1.3246 0.04261 191 141 38 12
1115 I've never made my dentist so jealous. 1.3246 0.04573 191 146 28 17
1116 Thank God Trump lifted the ban on Unicorn Trophies. 1.3246 0.04261 191 141 38 12
1117 During my drug dependent phase, the unicorn was my emotional support animal. 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1118 My theory is that they were hunted to extinction -- but it's only a theory. 1.3246 0.04062 191 138 44 9
1119 You should have seen the Pegasus that got away. 1.3246 0.04195 191 140 40 11
1120 The carousel owner was not happy. 1.3246 0.04195 191 140 40 11
1121 Only ever saw the one. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
1122 And you’re drinking her tears right now. 1.3246 0.04512 191 145 30 16
1123 I call it, 'Death of Imagination' 1.3246 0.04512 191 145 30 16
1124 I acquired him from a fake hunting expedition website : don/eric.gov through my lawyer Michael. 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1125 And this is the reason Susan lives with her Mom now. 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1126 You just had to one-up my leprechaun. 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1127 There's big game, then there's "Fabulous" game. 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1128 Before you cook the meat, you have to carefully pick out the sparkles. 1.3246 0.04573 191 146 28 17
1129 It wasn't easy. I had to beat out Donald Jr. to get it! 1.3246 0.04450 191 144 32 15
1130 Thank God you replaced that spotted owl you had here, the environmentalists were freaking out!! 1.3246 0.04325 191 142 36 13
1131 Yeah - but Disneyland banned me for life. 1.3246 0.04261 191 141 38 12
1132 It came to me in a dream. So, I shot it. 1.3246 0.04573 191 146 28 17
1133 My grandchildren havn't spoken to me since. 1.3246 0.04062 191 138 44 9
1134 It doesn't fool anyone. I taped a carrot to a horse's head. 1.3246 0.04261 191 141 38 12
1135 I didn't expect to find him in my wildest dreams 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1136 Its meat tastes like chicken, with a hint of pink gumdrop. 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
1137 We know what happened that day, don't we Princess? 1.3246 0.04195 191 140 40 11
1138 ... and next year it's open season on honest politicians. 1.3246 0.04573 191 146 28 17
1139 I got him just before he jumped over the rainbow. 1.3245 0.04104 188 136 43 9
1140 You think these are rare? Try getting a hunting license for a leprechaun. 1.3231 0.04382 195 147 33 15
1141 The kids have never forgiven me. 1.3229 0.04111 192 140 42 10
1142 Well. I guess they WERE real. 1.3229 0.04177 192 141 40 11
1143 The hard part was finding a virgin who didn't care about the Endangered Species Act 1.3229 0.04242 192 142 38 12
1144 Fox and Friends reported that these babies are everywhere these days. 1.3229 0.04430 192 145 32 15
1145 That's from Eric Trump's 'Goodbye to Innocence' safari. 1.3229 0.04305 192 143 36 13
1146 And I bagged that one at my five-year-old's Princess Party. 1.3228 0.04352 189 141 35 13
1147 The taxidermist couldn't believe it, either. 1.3228 0.04221 189 139 39 11
1148 Crossbows beat rainbows every time. 1.3228 0.04086 189 137 43 9
1149 My new taxidermist is a wizard 1.3228 0.04725 189 147 23 19
1150 And they said you shouldn't mix hunting and LSD. 1.3228 0.04154 189 138 41 10
1151 This one had me going around in circles before I could bring her down. 1.3228 0.04221 189 139 39 11
1152 Yes, I'm afraid this is all that's left from my first IPO. 1.3228 0.04016 189 136 45 8
1153 That clock is a minute fast. 1.3228 0.04352 189 141 35 13
1154 Fairy tales do come true. 1.3228 0.04352 189 141 35 13
1155 Up to her last moment, she almost had me convinced she didn't exist. 1.3228 0.04016 189 136 45 8
1156 Looks great now but the damn glitter made a helluva mess of the truck 1.3228 0.04154 189 138 41 10
1157 Unfortunately, the virgin got away. 1.3228 0.03873 189 134 49 6
1158 I actually found this at Goodwill. 1.3228 0.04665 189 146 25 18
1159 I let her give me one last wild ride, and then...they shut down the carousel. 1.3228 0.04221 189 139 39 11
1160 I don't know, guys. I'm starting to think I'm gay. 1.3228 0.04542 189 144 29 16
1161 Actually, I was aiming for the centaur next to him. 1.3228 0.04154 189 138 41 10
1162 Bagged this one on a Safairy. 1.3228 0.04417 189 142 33 14
1163 They should really take our guns away. 1.3228 0.04604 189 145 27 17
1164 It's rather enchanting, isn't it? 1.3224 0.04383 183 136 35 12
1165 Keeps the grandkids outta here. Bambi’s mounted in the billiard room. 1.3212 0.04410 193 146 32 15
1166 I bagged the first one in Zambia, the second in Fantasyland and the last at the Borden Dairy. 1.3211 0.04333 190 142 35 13
1167 We had to use the world's last virgin princess as bait... finding her was more difficult. 1.3211 0.04202 190 140 39 11
1168 By the time I had it stuffed and mounted, my daughter had moved on to regular horses. 1.3211 0.03556 190 131 57 2
1169 Some say unicorn, I say fashionable elk 1.3209 0.04381 187 140 34 13
1170 Oh, it's just a horse. I was running behind it with a javelin and it stopped short. 1.3209 0.04697 187 145 24 18
1171 I bagged that one when I was just five, on safari at Coney Island. 1.3209 0.04381 187 140 34 13
1172 It cost me five ride tickets but it was worth it. 1.3209 0.04510 187 142 30 15
1173 Well, Bob's always been a bit of a dream killer. 1.3209 0.04510 187 142 30 15
1174 ...and, I shot this one at a school play. 1.3209 0.04510 187 142 30 15
1175 Picked it up at a white elephant exchange. 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
1176 "Unfortunately, it was both the first and last of its kind. 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
1177 If we all think she's sexy it's not weird, right? 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
1178 Bet you can't tell which ones fake. 1.3209 0.04381 187 140 34 13
1179 Truth be told, I bagged that from a merry-go-round in Milwaukee. 1.3209 0.04446 187 141 32 14
1180 My daughter doesn't speak to me. 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
1181 It sure doesn’t help me get laid. 1.3209 0.03967 187 134 46 7
1182 I figured it was time for my daughter to grow up. 1.3209 0.04110 187 136 42 9
1183 I got that one at little Samantha's birthday party last year. 1.3209 0.04697 187 145 24 18
1184 I’m particularly proud of my marksmanship on this one what with the merry-go-round was spinning full speed. 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
1185 Here's where I get caught in a loop: if they don't exist, they can't be endangered. But if it's here, they have to exist. 1.3209 0.04179 187 137 40 10
1186 I bagged that one in Never Never land. 1.3209 0.04573 187 143 28 16
1187 I don't believe in leaving anything to the imagination. 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
1188 It was difficult, but 70 years of celibacy really paid off. 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
1189 And this is my fake gnus collection. 1.3209 0.04573 187 143 28 16
1190 And that is the elusive Equus monoclonius! I came across it chasing rainbows 1.3209 0.04510 187 142 30 15
1191 My wife wants it there for the feng shui. 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
1192 A stroke of luck, I got the last one. 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
1193 Of course, that was before Fish and Wildlife got a bug up their ass. 1.3209 0.04446 187 141 32 14
1194 He won the triple crown. Two races he won by a horn. 1.3209 0.04110 187 136 42 9
1195 So, I guess Brad's Disney safari was a success? 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
1196 I went to bed with Stormy Daniels and woke up with that beside me. 1.3209 0.04510 187 142 30 15
1197 GOT THAT ONE WITH TIMOTHY LEARY. 1.3207 0.04153 184 134 41 9
1198 Which one did we just eat? 1.3207 0.04362 184 137 35 12
1199 When she started snortin' sparkles, I knew then it was either her or me. 1.3204 0.04549 181 137 30 14
1200 Trump Jr. bagged this one to prove there are alternative facts. 1.3204 0.04616 181 138 28 15
1201 Apparently, Silicone Valley is full of them. 1.3204 0.03815 181 127 50 4
1202 It was a carousel in Tasmania. With, I have to say, a pretty grumpy operator. 1.3196 0.04391 194 147 32 15
1203 Yeah...that clock sure is beautiful. 1.3191 0.04228 188 139 38 11
1204 It was chaotic on the carousel but I managed to bag him with the first shot. 1.3191 0.04361 188 141 34 13
1205 Back then, of course, it wasn’t an endangered species 1.3189 0.04134 185 135 41 9
1206 If you think the head is unique you should have tasted the meat. 1.3189 0.04541 185 141 29 15
1207 I snagged this one on a psychedelic trip in 1964. 1.3189 0.04409 185 139 33 13
1208 Huh-only a 1pointer. 1.3189 0.04476 185 140 31 14
1209 Apparently she wasn’t as magical as everyone thought. 1.3189 0.04476 185 140 31 14
1210 Most unicorn hunts don’t end with a trophy. 1.3189 0.04409 185 139 33 13
1211 For me, this was a real fairy tale ending. 1.3189 0.04541 185 141 29 15
1212 I guess now they don't exist. 1.3189 0.04605 185 142 27 16
1213 That one is for shorting Toys R Us. 1.3189 0.04274 185 137 37 11
1214 I bagged that one on my last acid trip. 1.3189 0.04541 185 141 29 15
1215 Of course, I had to tell my kid it ran away. 1.3189 0.04342 185 138 35 12
1216 Almost makes up for the dragon that I missed on my last trip. 1.3189 0.04205 185 136 39 10
1217 My daughter now regrets taking me as her plus one to the enchanted forest. 1.3189 0.04541 185 141 29 15
1218 I'll tell you, bagging that baby was like something right out of a fantasy. 1.3189 0.03603 185 128 55 2
1219 I'm a strong believer in diversity and inclusion. 1.3189 0.04409 185 139 33 13
1220 You're right. A cursed existence IS a small price to pay for such symmetry. 1.3189 0.04476 185 140 31 14
1221 My taxidermist wouldn't stuff a narwhal so I kept the horn, shot a horse, and here we are. 1.3189 0.04668 185 143 25 17
1222 I told my granddaughter it was self-defense, but she still isn't speaking to me. 1.3189 0.04476 185 140 31 14
1223 He almost makes up for the mermaid that slipped the hook. 1.3189 0.04274 185 137 37 11
1224 I bagged that one at FAO Schwartz 1.3189 0.04342 185 138 35 12
1225 Fake. 1.3189 0.04409 185 139 33 13
1226 A guy in our hunting party wanted to sell the horn on the black market, but I’m too much of a conservationist for that. 1.3189 0.04476 185 140 31 14
1227 I bagged him on my last LSD trip. 1.3189 0.04274 185 137 37 11
1228 There it is. The last unicorn in Silicon Valley. 1.3189 0.04409 185 139 33 13
1229 I dropped her with a 32-guage moonbeam. 1.3187 0.03955 182 130 46 6
1230 The most satisfying moment was when it stopped sparkling. 1.3184 0.04580 179 136 29 14
1231 I don't understand why everyone is so upset, its not on the "Endangered Species" list. 1.3179 0.04310 195 147 34 14
1232 I had to throw the mermaid back in. 1.3172 0.04389 186 140 33 13
1233 Some enjoy the thrill of the hunt, but I prefer the fantasy of it. 1.3172 0.04255 186 138 37 11
1234 ...so even though the genie called me despicable, he said he'd still give me three wishes. 1.3169 0.04572 183 140 28 15
1235 It was the last one. I had to have it. 1.3169 0.04439 183 138 32 13
1236 So hard these days to know what's real and what's not! 1.3169 0.04231 183 135 38 10
1237 She was much less elusive when the music stopped 1.3169 0.04370 183 137 34 12
1238 ... got that one on a bad acid trip in 1963. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1239 Hired it for my daughter’s birthday party and couldn’t help myself. 1.3169 0.04439 183 138 32 13
1240 Bagged that one on safari with my fairy godfather. 1.3169 0.04572 183 140 28 15
1241 And even better, I made unicorn jerky. 1.3169 0.04572 183 140 28 15
1242 They don't exist ANYMORE 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1243 Sure, the kids think they're cute, but you should see what they do to the azaleas. 1.3169 0.04086 183 133 42 8
1244 Since we have run out of endangered species, I have had to move in to mythical creatures. 1.3169 0.04159 183 134 40 9
1245 Harry brought this back from the summer term at Hogwarts. 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1246 Because I couldn’t have something more unique than me exist. 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1247 It’s just a plastic mold, but the grandkids think I’m a wizard now. 1.3169 0.04572 183 140 28 15
1248 She really stood out from the herd. 1.3169 0.04231 183 135 38 10
1249 And, I bagged that one at FAO Schwarz 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1250 No, I didn't shoot this one. It just turned up in my bed one morning after I refused to cast Johnny Fontaine in a fantasy epic. 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1251 ... and I bagged this little fella at my granddaughter's eleventh birthday party. 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1252 Once in a lifetime indeed. And my granddaughter hasn't spoken to me since. 1.3169 0.04572 183 140 28 15
1253 When you're my age, the only sure shot is the carousel. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1254 Mounting this one was relatively easy. The centaur is another story. 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1255 "Not surprisingly, the Trump administration lifted the ban on killing and importing unicorns". 1.3169 0.04370 183 137 34 12
1256 Pure luck...I was taking a hit-and-myth approach that day. 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
1257 My daughter likes unicorns so I thought she would love it - Surprisingly not. 1.3169 0.04572 183 140 28 15
1258 My wife made me take the centaur down. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1259 A Narnian hunting license is pricey, but worth it. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1260 That was a magical hunting trip. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1261 Wayfair? 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1262 My daughter still hasn't forgiven me. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1263 He was just sitting there making rainbows 1.3169 0.04439 183 138 32 13
1264 I take it down whenever my grand daughter comes to visit. 1.3169 0.04159 183 134 40 9
1265 I climbed down off of Sparkle Pony and there, at the end of the rainbow, stood this magnificent creature. So I shot it. 1.3169 0.04701 183 142 24 17
1266 On the outskirts of Universal. Looking for a mate, I guess. 1.3169 0.04765 183 143 22 18
1267 Who knew it was an endangered species? 1.3169 0.04159 183 134 40 9
1268 Last year's LSD trip. 1.3169 0.04439 183 138 32 13
1269 It wasn't listed as endangered, so... 1.3169 0.04370 183 137 34 12
1270 Of course it's a carousel animal, but the other two are authentic according to Amazon. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
1271 After elephant tusks got the green light, I knew it was only a matter of time. 1.3167 0.04420 180 135 33 12
1272 Well of course it's extinct, now... 1.3167 0.04420 180 135 33 12
1273 Serengeti,hell no I bagged him off the carousel at santa cruz boardwalk ! 1.3167 0.04420 180 135 33 12
1274 Open season at the carousel. 1.3167 0.04626 180 138 27 15
1275 and I'm having Bigfoot stuffed for the den 1.3167 0.04490 180 136 31 13
1276 Either appeal to kids or the sport dies out in a generation. 1.3167 0.04490 180 136 31 13
1277 Yes, it had been a dream of mine since I killed my first Easter Bunny. 1.3167 0.04558 180 137 29 14
1278 It was a once-in-a-lifetime shot, so I took it. 1.3167 0.04490 180 136 31 13
1279 I bagged that one, on a Safairy. 1.3167 0.04626 180 138 27 15
1280 "Since I shot it, half my hair fell out, I lost my job, and my wife left me. And then the meat spoiled in the freezer. 1.3167 0.04420 180 135 33 12
1281 the tricky part was finding a taxidermist with experience... 1.3167 0.04204 180 132 39 9
1282 It was a difficult shot, but somehow I knew I wouldn't myth. 1.3167 0.04693 180 139 25 16
1283 My granddaughter has disowned me. 1.3167 0.04490 180 136 31 13
1284 “Yeah, the North Korea safari was nothing like I expected”. 1.3167 0.04558 180 137 29 14
1285 It turns out that myths are not endangered. 1.3167 0.04420 180 135 33 12
1286 You could say I’m a giant asshole. 1.3167 0.04693 180 139 25 16
1287 Rare?! Oh my yes, with curried new potatoes and spring greens! 1.3152 0.04211 184 136 38 10
1288 The one in the middle I shot while sleeping. 1.3152 0.04281 184 137 36 11
1289 No one feels the sadness of extinction like a hunter. 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
1290 Great Clock 1.3152 0.04615 184 142 26 16
1291 My little girl bagged that, of course 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
1292 Doesn't seem so magical now, does it? 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
1293 A portion of the fees I pay to hunt and kill these magnificent animals goes to toward preserving them for future generations to hunt and kill. 1.3152 0.04418 184 139 32 13
1294 Little Sally never hears about this, understood? 1.3152 0.04140 184 135 40 9
1295 They had to shut the carousel down for two days. 1.3152 0.04068 184 134 42 8
1296 I didn't shoot her, she just magically appeared there one day. 1.3152 0.04418 184 139 32 13
1297 I know what you're wondering. It tastes just like chicken. 1.3152 0.04281 184 137 36 11
1298 The next room has the fake gnus. 1.3152 0.04281 184 137 36 11
1299 This wall celebrates my disregard for things I don't believe in. 1.3152 0.04615 184 142 26 16
1300 It was magical. 1.3152 0.04350 184 138 34 12
1301 The mermaid trophy was scaring the children. 1.3152 0.04211 184 136 38 10
1302 Now that one really appeared out of nowhere. 1.3152 0.04418 184 139 32 13
1303 They taste a bit like chicken...with a splash of magical goodness... 1.3149 0.03958 181 130 45 6
1304 My granddaughter, bless her little pink heart, bagged it at morning recess. 1.3149 0.04399 181 136 33 12
1305 This one is a gift from the Trump brothers. 1.3146 0.04590 178 136 28 14
1306 Nailed this little Lady on a Merry Go Round 1.3146 0.04305 178 132 36 10
1307 That one cost me 10 years of therapy sessions for my daughter. 1.3146 0.04590 178 136 28 14
1308 What did he say was in this drink again? 1.3146 0.04305 178 132 36 10
1309 You'll never see another of these. It's from my hunt through the very last Toys R Us store. 1.3146 0.04450 178 134 32 12
1310 I guess at least one got on the ark after all. 1.3146 0.04378 178 133 34 11
1311 My 9 year-old granddaughter bagged the middle one. 1.3143 0.04277 175 129 37 9
1312 And that one is just a figment of my imagination. 1.3133 0.04669 166 126 28 12
1313 I bagged the one on the far left on safari in Kenya in 1987, the middle one was the 2:45pm Disneyland Main Street Parade in '91... 1.3128 0.04568 179 137 28 14
1314 So you had asked earlier about the glitter gun... 1.3128 0.04135 179 131 40 8
1315 I had to, or you wouldn't have believed me. 1.3125 0.04623 176 135 27 14
1316 I didn't want my dream to die slowly. So I shot it. 1.3125 0.04480 176 133 31 12
1317 "...and, I bagged this one, on the carousel, when I was 5". 1.3125 0.04552 176 134 29 13
1318 I almost mythed the one in the middle. 1.3125 0.04552 176 134 29 13
1319 Best merry-go-round ride ever! 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1320 Tasted just like regular horse meat, though. 1.3125 0.04332 176 131 35 10
1321 Had to go round and round with that one. 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1322 It’s actually a horse. I added the horn for the kids. 1.3125 0.04623 176 135 27 14
1323 .. of course we take it down when the grandkids visit. 1.3125 0.04257 176 130 37 9
1324 And I bagged this one during the revival of “Carousel.” 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1325 No, it's fake... but I still get offers on it. 1.3125 0.04101 176 128 41 7
1326 I had to attend 158 birthday parties for five year olds before I finally bagged him. 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1327 The leprechaun head was too small to mount. 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1328 Suddenly, he emerged out of nowhere! 1.3125 0.04257 176 130 37 9
1329 My daughter was pretty upset... 1.3125 0.04407 176 132 33 11
1330 This was really a dream come true for me. 1.3125 0.04552 176 134 29 13
1331 And THIS is when being a 75 year-old virgin finally paid off! 1.3125 0.04480 176 133 31 12
1332 We have to remove it each time our granddaughter visits. 1.3125 0.04332 176 131 35 10
1333 I followed the scat into my granddaughter's bedroom. 1.3125 0.04480 176 133 31 12
1334 My most heroic achievement. I stole it from a carousel. 1.3125 0.04480 176 133 31 12
1335 I saw it and thought, "I'll be damned, that would really pull my living room together." Turns out I was right. 1.3125 0.04180 176 129 39 8
1336 That one ? Don Jr. sent me that when I told him his Dad would be indicted. 1.3107 0.04669 177 137 25 15
1337 To tell you the truth, it just jumped in front of me on the Turnpike before I could brake. 1.3107 0.04082 177 129 41 7
1338 Did I stop to think about it? Of course not, I might've missed the shot. 1.3107 0.04236 177 131 37 9
1339 I'm not sure I can stay for dinner. 1.3107 0.04236 177 131 37 9
1340 It was a magic bullet. 1.3107 0.04458 177 134 31 12
1341 So our lil' Suzie started therapy this week. 1.3107 0.04312 177 132 35 10
1342 It's unique and corny at the same time. 1.3107 0.04082 177 129 41 7
1343 Shooting it was easier than believing it into existence. 1.3107 0.04458 177 134 31 12
1344 It was a fantasy come true! 1.3103 0.04206 174 128 38 8
1345 Mother bagged it in the sixties, which were good to her. 1.3103 0.04284 174 129 36 9
1346 Yup, I bagged that one from a carousel in Binghamton, NY 1.3103 0.04511 174 132 30 12
1347 My little princess bagged this one. 1.3103 0.04655 174 134 26 14
1348 I bagged two of them on my Africa trip, and the other on my LSD trip. 1.3103 0.04361 174 130 34 10
1349 It was an easy shot. I had trapped it with some jelly beans. 1.3103 0.04126 174 127 40 7
1350 It's a mythical beast, of course. But then again, I've lived happily ever after. 1.3103 0.04206 174 128 38 8
1351 Well, it's not like it was covered by the Endangered Species Act. 1.3103 0.04361 174 130 34 10
1352 It's not endangered if it's not real 1.3103 0.04361 174 130 34 10
1353 Oh, I just went to the end of the rainbow. 1.3103 0.04045 174 126 42 6
1354 Turns out you just need a normal hunting license 1.3103 0.04206 174 128 38 8
1355 Bagged that one in San Francisco, Summer of Love. 1.3103 0.04436 174 131 32 11
1356 Give me a break. If I didn't do it, Voldemort would have. 1.3103 0.04284 174 129 36 9
1357 The challenge with this one was not hitting the kid who was riding it on the merry-go-round. 1.3099 0.04171 171 125 39 7
1358 Do I feel bad about it? Uh,yeah, sure. 1.3099 0.04411 171 128 33 10
1359 As real as our national integrity. 1.3090 0.04507 178 136 29 13
1360 Now THAT was a magical day! 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1361 I shot a Leprechaun too but the taxidermist said he wouldn't stuff it. 1.3081 0.04068 172 125 41 6
1362 My granddaughter no longer speaks to me. 1.3081 0.04616 172 132 27 13
1363 Almost extinct was becoming too common, so I've moved on to imaginary. 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1364 ...and I got that one with a 30-06 and some damn strong hallucinogens. 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1365 She was so beautiful I didn't want to shoot at first, but I knew no one would believe me if I didn't. 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1366 Little girl screaming on a crazed animal bucking up and down and running in circles. Lucky for her, I had my firearm. 1.3081 0.04466 172 130 31 11
1367 Research has shown extinction is the most reliable form of preservation. 1.3081 0.04068 172 125 41 6
1368 And I bagged that one in '68, Coney Island, Madame Zee's skeeball palace. 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1369 They really do poop soft serve ice cream, but if you can't breed them at scale the economics just don't work. 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
1370 I was number one for eight weeks on the internet's most-hated list. 1.3081 0.04466 172 130 31 11
1371 Stuffing it was a nightmare - we coughed up glitter for a week! 1.3081 0.04466 172 130 31 11
1372 “Merry -Go -round owner musta had a fit ! 1.3081 0.04689 172 133 25 14
1373 My granddaughter bagged this one from the back of her little pony. 1.3081 0.04689 172 133 25 14
1374 Heather is 35 now and she still won't forgive me for that one. 1.3081 0.04689 172 133 25 14
1375 Long story short, both the lion and the witch made me sell the wardrobe. 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1376 Up to the instant I pulled the trigger I didn't believe in them either. 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
1377 First I baited him with Skittles for that taste of the rainbow. 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
1378 I bagged this one at Burning Man. 1.3072 0.04068 166 120 41 5
1379 The tenderloin was magical. 1.3072 0.04575 166 126 29 11
1380 Bagged this baby during the second act of Carousel 1.3068 0.04318 176 132 34 10
1381 After Cecil the lion, us dentists have had to up the ante considerably. 1.3068 0.04609 176 136 26 14
1382 The centaur was too big for the wall. 1.3064 0.04368 173 130 33 10
1383 No, I was just kidding. I don't really see a unicorn. What did you say is in this drink? 1.3064 0.04048 173 126 41 6
1384 You'll have to go into the back room to see the rainbow. 1.3064 0.04130 173 127 39 7
1385 Yeh...I bagged that one in Narnia. 1.3064 0.04368 173 130 33 10
1386 I think it was the last one. 1.3064 0.04665 173 134 25 14
1387 Did I mention I have an estranged granddaughter? 1.3064 0.04665 173 134 25 14
1388 And this one was from my trip to Antiquity. 1.3064 0.04444 173 131 31 11
1389 It was a 'he,' actually. 1.3064 0.04519 173 132 29 12
1390 You guys wouldn't have believed a photo. 1.3064 0.04130 173 127 39 7
1391 Too bad they didn't make it on the ark. 1.3059 0.04339 170 127 34 9
1392 My taxidermist worked for Disney. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
1393 Sure they’re rare, but the safari guy said this is the best way to support conservation. 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
1394 Oh yes, that was a magical trip... 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1395 We had to wait for my daughter to leave home before we could put it up. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1396 I didn’t realize that she was the last one. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1397 All this talk about their being endangered is just a figment of someone's imagination. 1.3059 0.04005 170 123 42 5
1398 Ivanka went with Don Jr. and Eric on their last trip to Africa. 1.3059 0.04649 170 131 26 13
1399 the gazelle in Ethiopia-- the water buffalo I tracked and killed in Zambia--I shot the My Little Pony in my daughter's bedroom 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
1400 Well as this was the last one we can take it off the endangered species list. 1.3059 0.04649 170 131 26 13
1401 As he attempted to gore the leprechaun I took my shot. 1.3059 0.04258 170 126 36 8
1402 "Gentlemen, this is the horn section". 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
1403 It was open season at the amusement park. 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
1404 From a faraway land, Toys R Us. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1405 Sure I'm proud, but my daughter no longer speaks to me. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
1406 C'mon, how could I not? 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1407 I had to drag home three from the Mar-a-Lago gift shop in order to get the IRS off my back. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
1408 My daughter has never forgiven me. 1.3059 0.04339 170 127 34 9
1409 Don Jr. and Eric said if I wanted that senior position at EPA that bagging this guy was the way to get it. 1.3059 0.04723 170 132 24 14
1410 My daughter won't talk to me anymore, but it's worth it. 1.3059 0.04796 170 133 22 15
1411 LSD actually sharpens my hunting prowess. 1.3059 0.04091 170 124 40 6
1412 That one there wouldn't stop pooping rainbow sprinkles in my yard. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1413 At least with the Trump presidency, they're off the endangered list. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1414 Sure, that was the last one. But if I hadn't shot it, you never would have believed they existed. 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
1415 Susie bagged that one when she was six. 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
1416 It was either him or my cynicism. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1417 Strangely enough, after all the years of looking I found it under by daughter's bed. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
1418 I don't think you should have your granddaughter's birthday party over here this year. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
1419 Then I had the Enchanted Forest leveled, so this really is one-of-a-kind. 1.3059 0.04339 170 127 34 9
1420 ..ah yes, that safari was truly magical. 1.3059 0.04258 170 126 36 8
1421 My daughter is gonna be so pissed. 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
1422 Near Three Mile Island, about 5 years after the meltdown. 1.3059 0.04339 170 127 34 9
1423 Merry-Go-Rounds are great places to practice. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
1424 I wanted something to match the griffin rug. 1.3059 0.04176 170 125 38 7
1425 my daughter was upset at first, but then she went to college. 1.3049 0.04357 164 122 34 8
1426 The kids got tired of him. 1.3046 0.04422 174 132 31 11
1427 This one I shot out from under my granddaughter on the carousel. 1.3046 0.04496 174 133 29 12
1428 You can't even tell it's an ice cream cone. 1.3041 0.04550 171 131 28 12
1429 But I never saw a taxidermist WEEP like that. 1.3041 0.04772 171 134 22 15
1430 The damn thing keeps getting glitter all over the carpet. 1.3041 0.04550 171 131 28 12
1431 Don't tell the Trump boys I got it. 1.3041 0.04843 171 135 20 16
1432 I got that one from a carousel in Coney Island. 1.3041 0.04237 171 127 36 8
1433 I told my daughter it was important to thin the herd. 1.3041 0.04317 171 128 34 9
1434 Tastes like griffin. 1.3041 0.04474 171 130 30 11
1435 I know it's a mythical beast, but I was amused by its presumption. 1.3041 0.04237 171 127 36 8
1436 I promised my investors a unicorn, but they still weren't happy. 1.3041 0.04237 171 127 36 8
1437 It's like looking at a cartoon for a caption contest, scratching your head and wondering whether there is truly anything worth saying. 1.3036 0.04606 168 129 27 12
1438 Our LSD trip was successful 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1439 I was lucky. The park service said the herd needed thinning. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1440 The other two claim she’s just a narwhal in drag. 1.3036 0.04448 168 127 31 10
1441 I wonder if whoever was in the butt of the costume made it out alive... 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1442 My five year old grand-daughter bagged her with her pink 9 MM semi-automatic. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1443 I'll tell you the story, but you're not going to believe it. 1.3036 0.04448 168 127 31 10
1444 Between her and Bambi, I'm lucky to be alive. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1445 In the end it took about 450 mg of mescaline to hunt one of them down. 1.3036 0.03938 168 121 43 4
1446 Endangered? Not any more! 1.3036 0.04606 168 129 27 12
1447 Yes, Narnia; one of the last hunting trips they allowed. 1.3036 0.04285 168 125 35 8
1448 And in the kitchen, it farts rainbows 1.3036 0.04832 168 132 21 15
1449 And this one was in my last gay pride parade 1.3036 0.04683 168 130 25 13
1450 Whoever selects the finalists for the New Yorker caption contest has really bad taste. 1.3036 0.04906 168 133 19 16
1451 Most unusual...I came across a herd running in circles... with small children on their backs... 1.3036 0.04448 168 127 31 10
1452 This one was a gift from Dick Cheney. 1.3036 0.04758 168 131 23 14
1453 The eyelashes remind me of your mother. 1.3036 0.04368 168 126 33 9
1454 Who invited the black guy? 1.3036 0.04832 168 132 21 15
1455 They never let me back in that toy store. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1456 Lucky shot, really. I was aiming at an endangered snow leopard. 1.3036 0.04606 168 129 27 12
1457 My granddaughters hate me, but it was an amazing hunt. 1.3036 0.04448 168 127 31 10
1458 Coachella. 1.3036 0.04683 168 130 25 13
1459 And when the narwhale drove its horn through my horse’s head, I thought, wow, would that ever make a statement. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
1460 Oh no, I didn't believe it either until I shot it. 1.3030 0.04502 165 125 30 10
1461 I'll let you in on a secret... the eyelashes are fake. 1.3030 0.04819 165 129 22 14
1462 Picked her up at a tag sale in Narnia. 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
1463 Colored hearts and a beautiful rainbow filled the sky just before he shot it. 1.3030 0.04161 165 121 38 6
1464 Now you understand why I think climate change is a hoax 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
1465 I thought he was simply glad to see me. 1.3030 0.04583 165 126 28 11
1466 Yeah,bagging that one was unreal. 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
1467 We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold... 1.3030 0.04583 165 126 28 11
1468 Is my drink too strong, or is that a unicorn on your wall? 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
1469 And me. I’m the damn fool that shot him. 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
1470 That's the last one I ever shot. 1.3030 0.04502 165 125 30 10
1471 I guess Noah let him on at the last moment. 1.3030 0.04335 165 123 34 8
1472 I waited until I had my three wishes. 1.3030 0.04502 165 125 30 10
1473 It's been forty years, and we're still vacuuming up the glitter. 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
1474 Is that clock running fast? 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
1475 And THIS is why we should abolish the 2nd Amendment! 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
1476 I bagged the Unicorn on an LSD trip. 1.3030 0.04583 165 126 28 11
1477 ...and this one was gifted to me by Eric and Donald Trump Jr. 1.3030 0.04502 165 125 30 10
1478 Good start..but we are still missing the pig with wings 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
1479 This is from that weekend in the fantasy camp. 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
1480 And I landed this fine specimen at my niece's birthday party in Scarsdale. 1.3030 0.04742 165 128 24 13
1481 Sure, there were some nasty tweets and my daughter isn’t speaking to me, but the RNC is begging me to return their calls. 1.3030 0.04583 165 126 28 11
1482 I bagged that one in Haight-Ashbury in the sixties. 1.3018 0.04426 169 128 31 10
1483 Our interior designer doesn’t exist either. 1.3018 0.04582 169 130 27 12
1484 And people thought they were extinct. 1.3018 0.04180 169 125 37 7
1485 She has her mother's horn 1.3018 0.04180 169 125 37 7
1486 Got that with my My Little Pony Bolt-Action Remington. 1.3013 0.04848 156 121 23 12
1487 I shot it in my sleep. 1.3012 0.04794 166 130 22 14
1488 Yup. That was the last one. 1.3012 0.03959 166 120 42 4
1489 My daughter isn't too happy, but it really brings the room together. 1.3012 0.04479 166 126 30 10
1490 Don Jr. bagged this one. 1.3012 0.04869 166 131 20 15
1491 Yeah, my daughter still hasn’t forgiven me for that one. 1.3012 0.04313 166 124 34 8
1492 I call her 'My Little Phony'. 1.3012 0.04227 166 123 36 7
1493 And that one I bagged in Silicon Valley 1.3012 0.04794 166 130 22 14
1494 I sent the rest to the glitter glue factory. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
1495 I followed the rainbow scat just as you instructed. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1496 I bagged it, but it turned out my daughter meant a live one. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
1497 Tracked it all the way to the end of the rainbow. 1.3006 0.04276 163 121 35 7
1498 That's a myth... It wasn't the last one. 1.3006 0.04186 163 120 37 6
1499 I bagged it on a Disney safari. 1.3006 0.04616 163 125 27 11
1500 took her down right over the rainbow 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1501 Just lucky to get it before they went extinct. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
1502 The hard part was finding the rainbow-colored camouflage outfit. 1.3006 0.04777 163 127 23 13
1503 To be fair, it wasn't on any endangered list. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1504 Yeah, I know they are supposed to be symbols of purity. Garbage. Before I bagged this last known unicorn, he cursed like a sailor and tried to stab me in the groin. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
1505 I hear they're magically delicious. 1.3006 0.04856 163 128 21 14
1506 It took $20,000,000 of gene editing, but it was worth every penny. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1507 You should’ve seen the look on my daughters face. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
1508 The one on the left isn't real. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
1509 I picked up that one on the My Little Pony safari adventure. 1.3006 0.04616 163 125 27 11
1510 Bagged that one on safari in Camelot. 1.3006 0.04095 163 119 39 5
1511 I was a little skeptical about the “magical safari” but let me tell you, money well spent. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
1512 Keeps the grandkids in line, that’s for sure. 1.3006 0.04276 163 121 35 7
1513 ...really it's about conservation. 1.3006 0.04856 163 128 21 14
1514 Climate change has unexpected consequences. 1.3006 0.04186 163 120 37 6
1515 Bagging that trophy. was a fantasy come true. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
1516 And that's when he said I could make any wish I wanted. 1.3006 0.04616 163 125 27 11
1517 You can’t see her if you don’t use your imagination. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1518 Unfortunately, that may be the last time I take my daughter big game hunting. 1.3006 0.04276 163 121 35 7
1519 Since my home address and photo are all over social media - I am the real victim here 1.3006 0.04616 163 125 27 11
1520 I'd had a few drinks at the time and just thought I was seeing things. 1.3006 0.04186 163 120 37 6
1521 All three of my marriages were trophy wives but she was a dream come true. 1.3006 0.04856 163 128 21 14
1522 yup, straight to hell for me boys 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
1523 And you'll never see another one, either. 1.3006 0.04186 163 120 37 6
1524 We mostly use it for ring toss. 1.3006 0.04276 163 121 35 7
1525 Yeah...i thought it was just a party hat. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
1526 The difficult part was finding a virgin for bait. 1.3006 0.04698 163 126 25 12
1527 Got lucky with this beauty, it was the last one left. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
1528 That one’s from my first LSD trip. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
1529 And that one I shot at my daughter's birthday party 1.3006 0.04856 163 128 21 14
1530 I was aiming for the loudmouth leprechaun riding it. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1531 I have to replace the ice cream cone every once in a while, but my daughter hasn't noticed. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
1532 Asked the agent for a unique safari package. Ten minutes later, I was being shoved into a wardrobe. 1.3000 0.04416 160 120 32 8
1533 What the hell, there was only one left anyway. 1.2994 0.04692 167 130 24 13
1534 My ten year old daughter bagged that one. 1.2994 0.04536 167 128 28 11
1535 In the end, I learned to believe in myself 1.2994 0.04821 157 122 23 12
1536 That one's from the White House safari. 1.2988 0.04509 164 125 29 10
1537 I nailed him eating a cupcake on a rainbow. 1.2988 0.04907 164 130 19 15
1538 Mine's bigger. 1.2988 0.04426 164 124 31 9
1539 People kept saying she was too young for an assault rifle, but I said no.... 1.2988 0.04426 164 124 31 9
1540 Yes, Jerry, I realize it is just a one point buck. 1.2988 0.04340 164 123 33 8
1541 Had to shoot her. No one would have believed I’d found her otherwise. 1.2988 0.04509 164 125 29 10
1542 So you have a 3D printer now? 1.2988 0.04592 164 126 27 11
1543 Yes, the eye lashes are false. 1.2988 0.04752 164 128 23 13
1544 There's the one that got away, and this is the one that doesn't exist 1.2981 0.04392 161 121 32 8
1545 I tracked the carousel herd for days, until I had a clear shot. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1546 Do you believe me now? 1.2981 0.04565 161 123 28 10
1547 I spied him as he was taking a drink from the lemonade springs in the Big Rock Candy Mountains 1.2981 0.04303 161 120 34 7
1548 When I was your age, hunting was interesting 1.2981 0.04565 161 123 28 10
1549 And this one is from a shoot in 'La La Land'. 1.2981 0.04303 161 120 34 7
1550 White privilege. Isn't it beautiful? 1.2981 0.04392 161 121 32 8
1551 My guide on that safari was Ken Kesey. My life has never been the same. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1552 It was a hunt, sponsored by The Cloisters. 1.2981 0.04650 161 124 26 11
1553 He came with his own hairbrush, but I've since lost it. 1.2981 0.04732 161 125 24 12
1554 And that was the day my daughter left me. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1555 What a long, strange hunting trip that must have been. 1.2981 0.04650 161 124 26 11
1556 They exist; but it’s certainly a myth that they can only be captured by a virgin. 1.2981 0.04565 161 123 28 10
1557 Got this one on the Magical Mystery Tour. 1.2981 0.04118 161 118 38 5
1558 My granddaughter hasn't spoken to me in two years. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1559 The Trump boys shot her, then left her for dead. 1.2981 0.04814 161 126 22 13
1560 Oh, that's my granddaughter's. She bagged it in the playground at P. S. 73 last summer. 1.2981 0.04303 161 120 34 7
1561 His trophy wife did the decorating. 1.2981 0.04732 161 125 24 12
1562 Considering the glare of rainbow in my eyes and the rabid leprechaun biting my ankles, it was a helluva shot. 1.2981 0.04392 161 121 32 8
1563 Apparently they are pretty invasive in Narnia. 1.2981 0.04650 161 124 26 11
1564 No, Jim. It's not a real one. 1.2981 0.04392 161 121 32 8
1565 My taxidermist gave me an unbelievable discount. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1566 At first I was ashamed. But then I thought, what the hell, I'll own up to it! 1.2981 0.04732 161 125 24 12
1567 Yeah, I know. I got the last one. 1.2981 0.04303 161 120 34 7
1568 You bet it was tough. They’re almost never in season. 1.2981 0.04303 161 120 34 7
1569 'We're extremely fortunate today...being mythological she is only occasionally there." 1.2981 0.04565 161 123 28 10
1570 Trump Tower had a garage sale and, well, we couldn't not buy it, could we? 1.2981 0.04650 161 124 26 11
1571 Candyland will never be the same. 1.2981 0.04565 161 123 28 10
1572 My granddaughter has disowned me. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1573 I told my daughter, "There are consequences for not cleaning up your room." 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
1574 I tell you, the hunt was just magical. 1.2981 0.04814 161 126 22 13
1575 And that, gentlemen, was the last one on earth, so I sure as Hell didn't want to miss. 1.2981 0.04732 161 125 24 12
1576 Don't exist? Well, yes--now. 1.2981 0.04565 161 123 28 10
1577 Got the last Minotaur, too. Wanna' see? 1.2970 0.04403 165 125 31 9
1578 How can they want to take our guns? 1.2970 0.04403 165 125 31 9
1579 I bagged him up at the old Thurber place. 1.2970 0.04567 165 127 27 11
1580 It was a long, strange trip. 1.2963 0.04280 162 121 34 7
1581 It took years to find an actual virgin; after that, the rest was easy. 1.2963 0.04541 162 124 28 10
1582 On eBay 1.2963 0.04189 162 120 36 6
1583 Bagged that one on our trip to Disney in ‘92. 1.2963 0.04624 162 125 26 11
1584 I can’t believe she almost threw out your rainbow camouflage. 1.2963 0.04456 162 123 30 9
1585 It’s because I have a micropenis. 1.2961 0.05013 152 120 19 13
1586 Unfortunately my daughter thought I'd bring it home alive 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1587 Yep, I crushed the dreams of 10 million little girls. Worth it, right? 1.2956 0.04510 159 121 29 9
1588 Yup, ... Don Jr. got this one—the last on Earth. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1589 The Rainbow Blind was ingenious! 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1590 I always knew there was something wrong with him. Who puts two candles on their mantelpiece? 1.2956 0.04684 159 123 25 11
1591 The tooth fairy shot it. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1592 Actually, it tasted sorta like chicken. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1593 Sad story, really. Three wild horses were swimming to a nearby island when an enormous narwhal attacked this poor fellow from behind. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1594 I hear they taste like chicken. 1.2956 0.04684 159 123 25 11
1595 There I am at the bar when in walks a Kudu, a Unicorn and a Water Buffalo, it made me laugh so hard I had to kill them all. 1.2956 0.04851 159 125 21 13
1596 I can tell you one thing...you don't want to be running away from unicorn when it charges you. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1597 I am so lucky that I got the last unicorn before they went extinct. 1.2956 0.04851 159 125 21 13
1598 Far be it from me to brag, but that was the last one. 1.2956 0.04330 159 119 33 7
1599 Apparently they're immortal, so the eyes do literally follow you around the room. 1.2956 0.04768 159 124 23 12
1600 If you like this, you'll love the family room. I've got some green alligators and long-necked geese, some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees. 1.2956 0.04932 159 126 19 14
1601 The hardest part was getting the permit. They make you pay with leprechaun gold. 1.2956 0.04237 159 118 35 6
1602 Karen made me get rid of all my rifles. So now I'm super into Etsy hunting. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
1603 That one I bagged while hunting on acid. 1.2956 0.04510 159 121 29 9
1604 I asked her if she was game, and she said "yes," so I shot her. 1.2956 0.04768 159 124 23 12
1605 The tag suggest that they live in China. 1.2956 0.04768 159 124 23 12
1606 We had the devil of a time getting it past Hagrid. 1.2956 0.04421 159 120 31 8
1607 You like that - You should see the one Don Jr. and Eric got. 1.2956 0.04768 159 124 23 12
1608 It’s from my first IPO. 1.2956 0.04684 159 123 25 11
1609 It probably went extinct because it was less horny than the others. 1.2949 0.04657 156 120 26 10
1610 I bagged this one in a dumpster after 'Carousel' closed. 1.2945 0.04168 163 121 36 6
1611 Trump said it was okay. 1.2941 0.04436 153 115 31 7
1612 Do you think this strikes the right note of middle aged whimsy? 1.2937 0.04397 160 121 31 8
1613 It all started in the parking lot of the first ComiCon. 1.2937 0.04397 160 121 31 8
1614 A one-point buck…pathetic. 1.2937 0.04658 160 124 25 11
1615 Am I drunk? 1.2937 0.04905 160 127 19 14
1616 My daughter still isn't talking to me. 1.2937 0.04486 160 122 29 9
1617 I bagged this beauty while on a lovely LSD safari 1.2937 0.04486 160 122 29 9
1618 The Mrs. won't let me hang my leprechaun. 1.2937 0.04573 160 123 27 10
1619 My daughter's not happy about it. 1.2937 0.04573 160 123 27 10
1620 Actually, the hardest part of the hunt was getting all the glitter out of my truck afterward... 1.2930 0.04451 157 119 30 8
1621 I bagged this one in the Magic Kingdom. 1.2930 0.04358 157 118 32 7
1622 Yup, I killed the dream I dreamed. 1.2930 0.04631 157 121 26 10
1623 Nothing surprises me anymore. 1.2930 0.04631 157 121 26 10
1624 I was told they were extinct. That was obviously fake news. 1.2930 0.04542 157 120 28 9
1625 Yes, it IS unbelievable. 1.2930 0.04804 157 123 22 12
1626 Of course, me being a virgin gave me an advantage that not every fella has. 1.2930 0.04888 157 124 20 13
1627 Fools chase their dreams. I caught mine and shot it. 1.2930 0.04718 157 122 24 11
1628 Finding the virgin, of course, was the hard part. 1.2930 0.04804 157 123 22 12
1629 … and I traded the Trump boys two pandas for this beauty. 1.2930 0.04804 157 123 22 12
1630 This one has eluded Donald Jr. for quite some time. 1.2930 0.04971 157 125 18 14
1631 Yeah, last one. They went fast once Trump reversed Obama's ban on hunting them. 1.2930 0.04718 157 122 24 11
1632 Did I ever tell you about the tragic ending of my daughter's seven-year-old birthday party? 1.2930 0.04542 157 120 28 9
1633 There we were, face to face on the merry-go-round, when I slowly lifted the rifle... 1.2930 0.04804 157 123 22 12
1634 Simply amazing. I can't believe it's 1:45 in the morning already! 1.2930 0.04542 157 120 28 9
1635 'It doesn't look real, does it?' 1.2930 0.04631 157 121 26 10
1636 I shot this one with a rainbow. 1.2930 0.04718 157 122 24 11
1637 They can't be endangered if no one believes they're real. 1.2930 0.04358 157 118 32 7
1638 The DNA resequencing and cloning cost a fortune, but I got to shoot her. 1.2930 0.04718 157 122 24 11
1639 Bagged the middle one on Coney Island last month 1.2930 0.04264 157 117 34 6
1640 Still beautiful, but the magic is gone. 1.2930 0.04358 157 118 32 7
1641 Why chase a fantasy when you can just hang it on your mantle? 1.2930 0.04542 157 120 28 9
1642 I still can't believe he never existed. 1.2930 0.04631 157 121 26 10
1643 Well, well...I guess unicorns really do...I mean did exist. 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1644 ... and that was the last time I dropped acid on a hunting safari. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1645 Gotta admit, boys, that nothing tops a hunting expedition to 'Narnia'. 1.2922 0.04314 154 115 33 6
1646 Some exotic place? Hell no. I bagged it at granddaughter's birthday party. 1.2922 0.04955 154 122 19 13
1647 I know I know. A one-point isn’t as impressive as a ten-point. 1.2922 0.04411 154 116 31 7
1648 I was out chasing rainbows when I came across this one... 1.2922 0.04781 154 120 23 11
1649 My first time carousel hunting and I bagged a unicorn. 1.2922 0.04411 154 116 31 7
1650 I bet there's a magical story behind that one. 1.2922 0.04506 154 117 29 8
1651 It's the only one I've ever seen. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1652 They taste like chicken. 1.2922 0.04506 154 117 29 8
1653 I’d been chasing him for years, but always mythed. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1654 I made an unbelievable shot. 1.2922 0.04869 154 121 21 12
1655 So if you don't eat red meat, you might try the orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, or violet. 1.2922 0.04506 154 117 29 8
1656 And that one I bagged at Disneyworld. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1657 Got that one on a magical mystery tour. 1.2922 0.04506 154 117 29 8
1658 The clock? Mid-century. Our find at a garage sale. 1.2922 0.04314 154 115 33 6
1659 We camouflaged ourselves as gumdrops at the entrance of The Rainbow Bridge. 1.2922 0.04314 154 115 33 6
1660 They're supposed to have magical powers, but, you know, they look nice on a wall, too. 1.2922 0.04869 154 121 21 12
1661 We bagged that one on our safari to Narnia. 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1662 Getting it out of Disney's Animal Kingdom was even more difficult... 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1663 Which reminds me, Carl, you going to make it to the Trump rally next week? 1.2922 0.05040 154 123 17 14
1664 Don't you dare tell my granddaughter. 1.2922 0.04506 154 117 29 8
1665 I have always been an advocate for diversity. 1.2922 0.04214 154 114 35 5
1666 Would you look at the rack on her! 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1667 My kid told me that all I had to do was believe to see the unicorns. It worked! 1.2922 0.04411 154 116 31 7
1668 I found Walt Disney World a lot less forgiving than Africa 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1669 He said, 'Don't dream it, do it.' So I did. 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1670 We read that giving the kids a say in decorating might help them cope with the move. 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1671 It was the Vice President who led the campaign to have it removed from the endangered species list. 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
1672 Luckily mythical creatures are not on the endangered species list. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1673 It was not on the endangered species list. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1674 Fiction trumps reality. 1.2922 0.04781 154 120 23 11
1675 Got the permit thanks to Secretary of Interior Zinke and Trump Jr. 1.2922 0.04506 154 117 29 8
1676 I had green alligators and long-necked geese, some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees. Some rats and cats and elephants but as sure as you’re born, I just never had a unicorn. 1.2922 0.04955 154 122 19 13
1677 I always say: If you love something, shoot it, and mount it on your wall. 1.2919 0.04462 161 123 29 9
1678 Our club has always been in the forefront in promoting diversity. 1.2919 0.04877 161 128 19 14
1679 Bagged this one just outside Orlando at a place called "Universal" something-or-other. 1.2914 0.04845 151 118 22 11
1680 It was a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ situation, if ever there was one. 1.2914 0.05024 151 120 18 13
1681 They said it was a once in a lifetime shot. 1.2914 0.04366 151 113 32 6
1682 Don't worry. The feds only care about endangered species. Myths are exempt. 1.2914 0.04264 151 112 34 5
1683 I kind of regret shooting that one. Only has one horn. 1.2911 0.04144 158 117 36 5
1684 I vacillate between seeing disdain or insouciance in those eyes. 1.2911 0.04517 158 121 28 9
1685 I've wanted one ever since I was a little girl but it's not quite the same now. 1.2911 0.04605 158 122 26 10
1686 It's true some of my hunting stories are fairy tales. 1.2911 0.04517 158 121 28 9
1687 I got the head, but the horny horse's ass was purchased by a Russian collector for display at the White House. 1.2911 0.04692 158 123 24 11
1688 We needed to thin the herd. 1.2903 0.04481 155 118 29 8
1689 I have this silly little goal of shooting one of everything. 1.2903 0.04290 155 116 33 6
1690 Next to last. I'm not a monster. 1.2903 0.04290 155 116 33 6
1691 He tweeted this morning that he personally shot him 1.2903 0.04753 155 121 23 11
1692 Of course, that was before the Endangered Species Act. 1.2903 0.04753 155 121 23 11
1693 I bagged a leprechaun also but I thought it might be in bad taste. 1.2903 0.04665 155 120 25 10
1694 It's fake, but it keeps the grand kids out of my man cave. 1.2903 0.04665 155 120 25 10
1695 It was the only way I could prove it exists... or used to. 1.2903 0.04481 155 118 29 8
1696 My daughter isn’t speeking to me. 1.2903 0.04665 155 120 25 10
1697 I had to be pretty imaginative to bag him. 1.2903 0.04753 155 121 23 11
1698 I bagged those two and just outgrew the one in the middle. 1.2903 0.04753 155 121 23 11
1699 NOW there are no unicorns. 1.2903 0.04290 155 116 33 6
1700 It's a fake. 1.2901 0.04607 162 126 25 11
1701 Merry-go-round. Chainsaw. 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
1702 I hated to ruin such a magical moment. But then I said to myself, 'Stuff it!' 1.2895 0.04995 152 121 18 13
1703 Wow, Stuart! Is that clock real?! 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
1704 She was walking under a rainbow, through a cloud of fairy dust, and BAM I made the kill shot. 1.2895 0.04817 152 119 22 11
1705 Proud? Not really. I was actually after Bigfoot. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
1706 The taxidermist said he'd never seen anything like it. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
1707 I bagged that one with Leary in the '60s. 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
1708 I bagged this one off the Coney Island carousel 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
1709 I call it my Mythbuster trophy. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1710 Your grandson's brownies are magical. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1711 The hunt was legendary but obtaining the permit was a nightmare. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1712 If we didn’t pay to hunt them, they probably wouldn’t even exist anymore. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1713 I know that hunting endangered species is illegal, but there is no law protecting imaginary animals. 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
1714 The divorce is going fine. Thanks for asking. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
1715 God bless Scott Pruitt and the easing of EPA regulations. 1.2895 0.04907 152 120 20 12
1716 Shot it with a rainbow 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1717 And I bagged this one in Narnia! 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
1718 My daughter still hasn’t forgiven me for that one. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1719 Huh. So after all these years standing here, staring into the upside down, we finally have proof it’s not a myth: they do allow black people in the club! 1.2895 0.04817 152 119 22 11
1720 After I shot that one, my granddaughter rammed my Cadillac with her tricycle. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1721 You may be a wizard Harry, but you're also a bit of a git! 1.2895 0.04817 152 119 22 11
1722 How does having this make me feel? I dunno. I'm a sociopath. 1.2895 0.04907 152 120 20 12
1723 You should see his trophy wife. 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
1724 It's not real but people are really impressed by it. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
1725 This goes great with the Care Bearskin rug. 1.2895 0.04538 152 116 28 8
1726 Now they're officially extinct. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
1727 I thought my daughter would be thrilled, but, oddly, she was not. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
1728 It was an adventure of mythical proportions. 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
1729 I got this one on my dream safari 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
1730 It was never on the Endangered Species List. I'm not a monster. 1.2895 0.04907 152 120 20 12
1731 I didn’t shoot the unicorn. He dropped dead when Trump was elected president. 1.2895 0.04995 152 121 18 13
1732 How will I ever confess to the grandkids that it's really white horse wearing a party hat ? 1.2895 0.04633 152 117 26 9
1733 And last, but not least.. 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1734 I bagged this one during a snipe hunt 1.2886 0.04596 149 114 27 8
1735 Now this one I'm particularly proud of. I completely made it up. 1.2885 0.04456 156 119 29 8
1736 Yeah, that was a good trip...but I did feel kinda silly wearing glittery rainbow camouflage. 1.2885 0.04727 156 122 23 11
1737 I bagged it at the end of a rainbow after the damnedest gumdrop storm you ever saw. 1.2885 0.04813 156 123 21 12
1738 Technically not endangered. 1.2877 0.03883 146 105 40 1
1739 ...so it turns out they are actually really easy to sneak up on! 1.2876 0.04512 153 117 28 8
1740 Two days of negotiation at a merry-go-round consignment shop in New Jersey. 1.2876 0.04512 153 117 28 8
1741 We had a helluva time sawing the other horn off. 1.2876 0.04416 153 116 30 7
1742 The President shot the middle one on the Whitehouse lawns. 1.2876 0.04606 153 118 26 9
1743 This one is My Little Favorite. 1.2876 0.04216 153 114 34 5
1744 I was given this one after investing in Airbnb and Uber. 1.2876 0.04416 153 116 30 7
1745 Bagged this sucker with my glitter gun. 1.2867 0.05024 143 113 19 11
1746 The wife thought the wall needed a touch of the feminine. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1747 They wouldn't let her put it in her dorm room. 1.2867 0.04370 150 113 31 6
1748 My next trophy is the tooth fairy. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1749 You should've seen the looks on those second graders... 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1750 Rainbow glitter everywhere. It does not come off. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1751 Caption 1: "3D printing has done wonders for my trophy collection." Caption 2: "I said narwhal but I think my dealer heard Warhol." 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1752 My granddaughter was really unhappy with this one. 1.2867 0.05124 150 121 15 14
1753 If you thought killing a lion in Africa was expensive... 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1754 Never mind that; what did you do with the Princess? 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1755 My son, the hunter, is gay 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1756 Turns out it was just an ice cream cone. 1.2867 0.04370 150 113 31 6
1757 Amazing, yes, and what's really gratifying is, all the hunting fees I paid go to support unicorn conservation! 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1758 There's no such thing as unicorns...now. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1759 The thing is, he was aiming for the dragon. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1760 Needless to say, my daughter’s birthday wasn’t the success I was expecting. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1761 Boys, I appreciate the intention, but at my age, symbolism is no substitute for Viagra. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1762 My son shot his horse and the horn was my idea. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1763 I bagged that one at Palisades Amusement Park in '70. 1.2867 0.04370 150 113 31 6
1764 My expedition set out the day the Mythical Animals Act was repealed. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1765 Haight-Ashbury, 1967. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1766 That middle one was tough because the damned carousel kept spinning around and around. 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
1767 It was the last one and I just had to have it. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1768 Before this, my daughters used to talk to me. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1769 Unicorns aren’t real? Another example of a #fakenews story. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1770 Kind of magical, don't you think? 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1771 I just asked the taxidermist to add on the ice cream cone, and voíla... 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1772 This baby and the stuffed Yeti in the hallway are the jewels of my collection. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1773 Never hunt at night. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1774 Not bad for a Muggle, eh? 1.2867 0.04370 150 113 31 6
1775 Fake news knows no bounds. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1776 That shot was especially challenging because of the young girl on its back 1.2867 0.04370 150 113 31 6
1777 Yes, I bagged this beauty days after the EPA announced the repeal of the Endangered Species Act. I must admit, I had my doubts, but this President continues to deliver on his promises. 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
1778 My daughter disowned me. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1779 It's not a white rhino, but what can you do? 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1780 Of course, the real challenge was getting it past customs. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1781 My granddaughter was upset, but I think it toughened her up. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1782 And this one is from the time Cynthia refused to clean her room. 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
1783 Yeah, I’m at the top of PETA’s list. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1784 Yes, my grandchildren were heartbroken, but I just had to have one. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1785 I know it's not real, but then-neither are we! 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1786 How was I to know it was the last of its kind. Now my kids won't even talk to me. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1787 Sure it makes my grandchildren cry, but all those years of tracking rainbow poop, I've got to hang it. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1788 Scott Pruitt made the middle trophy possible. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1789 I do try to use the whole unicorn. 1.2867 0.04266 150 112 33 5
1790 The hard part was finding a princess to act as the bait. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1791 My ex did call me the killer of dreams 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1792 Sparkles here is the reason I only have one lung. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1793 Fun fact: It was not the last one. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1794 I had to use glitter bullets on that one. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1795 Bagged that when I was on an LSD trip years ago. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1796 You should’ve seen the centaur that got away. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1797 Mythical, maybe. Dead, definitely. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1798 I used a double barreled shotgun and strong hallucinogens. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1799 It was always on my bucket list. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
1800 I don't think this is what my daughter meant when she asked for a stuffed unicorn. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1801 The NRA is insisting on diversity. 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
1802 Oh hell, this ones just my mask from burning man. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1803 Yes, bagged that on a trip with Eric and Don Jr.. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1804 And even then I couldn't get an erection. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1805 It's my old horse. I glued the painted carrot on his forehead. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1806 I think it's starting to kick in. Should we all kiss? 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1807 I have the last passenger pigeon too. 1.2867 0.04570 150 115 27 8
1808 Oh, I admit it was cute, but it kept crappin' on my lawn! 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1809 Bagged it at my daughters birthday party 1.2848 0.04917 151 120 19 12
1810 Yeah, it was the last one. I guess that means I "Won". 1.2848 0.04445 151 115 29 7
1811 I love LSD nights at your house. 1.2848 0.04345 151 114 31 6
1812 She never even knew what glitter. 1.2847 0.04894 144 113 21 10
1813 What's weird is the guy down at Jimmy's Taxidermy said it was a fake. 1.2839 0.04735 155 122 22 11
1814 Mrs.Thurber shot it in her garden right after she was released from the hospital. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1815 Yeah, my granddaughter was NOT happy. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1816 It turns out that a My Little Pony hunting license is very pricey. 1.2838 0.04292 148 111 32 5
1817 My granddaughter has never forgiven me for that kill. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1818 My Little Pony is next. 1.2838 0.05077 148 119 16 13
1819 I used superglue...and suave. My ten year old daughter still thinks it’s legit. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1820 I think it's a fake. What do you think? 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1821 Not me ... my little granddaughter bagged that one. That was before she became a vegan. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1822 You really do take the fun out of everything. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1823 I bagged that one using hollow-point skittles. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1824 I don't think this is what your daughter meant when she said she wanted a unicorn... 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1825 My daughter has stopped speaking with me. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1826 Oh yes! Becky is an avid hunter and NRA member! 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1827 So I said to Don Jr and Eric, 'Why don't you let me keep this one?' 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1828 Seeing my kids not on their phones is rarer. 1.2838 0.04072 148 109 36 3
1829 It lends a certain 'Je ne sais quoi,' don't you think? 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1830 My grandchildren want to kill me... 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1831 My granddaughter bagged the one in the middle. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1832 It's from a merry-go-around but it keeps my grandchildren away. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1833 I know it's nothing compared to your 12-point buck, Larry, but it works with the ladies. 1.2838 0.04072 148 109 36 3
1834 You would not believe what my granddaughter called me! 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1835 And that was the end of what had been a very promising startup I.P.O. 1.2838 0.04986 148 118 18 12
1836 It was really tough getting that one off the carousel. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1837 My toughest kill. It kept flying around farting rainbows. 1.2838 0.05077 148 119 16 13
1838 She was originally commissioned for the Oval but Don was insecure about the pink and purple sparkly flowing mane. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1839 I got a great deal on the middle one - a British guy called Voldemort sold it to me. 1.2838 0.04184 148 110 34 4
1840 Internet misunderstanding; I thought I was buying into 'Uni-coin'. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1841 Realistic looking, but, Fake News. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1842 Next, come see the Loch Ness room. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1843 It's of the genus carousel. 1.2838 0.04292 148 111 32 5
1844 Our guide was a satyr named Lenny. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1845 We know a thing or two because we've seen thing or two; pamparrampampam 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1846 It's supposedly mythical, but I found lots of them on Wall Street. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1847 Now that's a combover! 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1848 Now, we are truly able to say there is no such thing as a unicorn. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1849 My granddaughter no longer speaks to me, but I like it. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1850 So they did exist! 1.2838 0.04072 148 109 36 3
1851 She told me she wanted one, now my granddaughter won't talk to me. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1852 You don't see too many one-point bucks. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1853 She begged me to spare her life, but what am I - a Democrat? 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1854 I spotted him at the end of an outstanding rainbow. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1855 My daughter really wanted one, but she seemed upset when I showed it to her. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1856 And that's my little pony... 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1857 Yes, she's a beauty from a bygone era- the carousel from Palisades Park. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1858 And this is the trophy I took when I stepped off the merry go round. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1859 Poor bastard thought _I_ was imaginary. 1.2838 0.05167 148 120 14 14
1860 Buying a six-year-old's soul was the hard part. After that, it was just like hunting anything else. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1861 I bagged this one at the Cloisters. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1862 Note the orange mane! 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1863 My daughter wanted to mount a unicorn, so I did. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1864 Dirty little secret, they love Doritos. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1865 I hallucinate when I hunt. 1.2838 0.04986 148 118 18 12
1866 The wife made me glue on the horn. I guess a unicorn is exotic, but a horse is weird. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1867 Actually, my wife took its other antler in the divorce. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1868 I credit my imaginary friend for the middle trophy. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1869 That's from my merry go round collection 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1870 Shouldn't that be in the Rainbow Room? 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1871 I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit this, but I simply fired into a herd of them outside Palo Alto and this one just dropped. 1.2838 0.04986 148 118 18 12
1872 Weird but the deer and the cow were the hard ones to get . . . 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1873 Did you buy the whole Ferris wheel? 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1874 The last unicorn.... We probably should have bred her first. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1875 ...and he won the Belmont Stakes by a horn. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1876 It was the most challenging terrain I've ever hunted -- the display floor at FAO Schwarz. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1877 Yes, it's true: rainbows! But they still smell like regular farts. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1878 I tried to hunt this one from a helicopter, but I ended up having to rent a griffin. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1879 My little girl shot that one. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
1880 Well, they don't exist anymore. 1.2838 0.04986 148 118 18 12
1881 Got 'em at thirty yards in front of Tristar Pictures, Culver City, California... 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1882 For some reason, my family stopped talking to me after this one. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1883 From a distance, it looked like a rhino. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1884 I got that one off a Merry Go Round in 1989. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1885 We call her "Hillary". 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1886 Now, this one I don't remember too much. I was experimenting with LSD at the time. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1887 Anyone can be a myth-buster, but how many have the commitment to be a myth-killer? 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1888 And I killed this one by driving a carrot through its skull. 1.2838 0.05077 148 119 16 13
1889 I know it's really a prop. But he just shouted, "Fake News" until we agreed to hang it. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1890 As expected, tastes like Chicken. 1.2838 0.04798 148 116 22 10
1891 Bagging that one was a dream come true. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1892 That's when my grandaughter stopped talking to me. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1893 My daughter isn't talking to me anymore. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1894 You should see the Pegasus that got away. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1895 The real difficulty was finding a virgin to bait the field. 1.2838 0.05167 148 120 14 14
1896 How? I followed my dream. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1897 I got the very last one! 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1898 If he were really so magical, he would have flown away. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1899 Am I a bad person? 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1900 It turned out that it was the company's earnings that were mythical. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
1901 The one in the middle is virtual. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1902 So lifelike.... 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1903 My kids are still crying. 1.2838 0.04501 148 113 28 7
1904 Don Jr said endangered species are THE status symbol. 1.2838 0.04893 148 117 20 11
1905 Yep, Florida Fun Fair Carousel 1986. 1.2829 0.04613 152 118 25 9
1906 There's nothing quite like bagging the last intellectual conservative. 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1907 It was a dream trip. 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1908 My daughter has never stopped hating me. 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
1909 Actually, I hit it while backing out of my driveway. 1.2828 0.04663 145 112 25 8
1910 It was strange how this one kept bobbing up and down going in circles and not to mention the music. 1.2828 0.04765 145 113 23 9
1911 The farting rainbow thing is the myth 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1912 I'm still wondering why she isn't called a unihorn 1.2819 0.04769 149 117 22 10
1913 It took forever, but you have to indulge the trophy wife. 1.2819 0.04475 149 114 28 7
1914 I hate sounding like Trump, but I’ve got to say it’s a fake trophy. 1.2819 0.04575 149 115 26 8
1915 My children have stopped talking to me... 1.2819 0.04475 149 114 28 7
1916 I didn't so much kill it, as I did love it to death. 1.2819 0.04373 149 113 30 6
1917 A taxidermist walks into a bar... 1.2817 0.04934 142 112 20 10
1918 I had to be so accurate at the time as the carousel was fully occupied. 1.2808 0.04635 146 113 25 8
1919 I bagged him at the Renaissance Faire. 1.2808 0.04319 146 110 31 5
1920 Not boasting, of course, but I got the very last one before they became extinct. 1.2808 0.04532 146 112 27 7
1921 I literally killed a fantasy. 1.2808 0.04736 146 114 23 9
1922 It's actually just a GMO horse. 1.2800 0.04243 150 113 32 5
1923 I feel a little guilty about that one. 1.2800 0.04449 150 115 28 7
1924 Call me a snob, but I think the one in the middle’s a reproduction. 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1925 Taxidermist let us stuff her with cotton candy. 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1926 I'll lend you the book—it describes these beasts and where to find them. 1.2797 0.04483 143 109 28 6
1927 The kids were pretty upset about that one. 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1928 ...so there I was in the Candy Cane forest 1.2797 0.04592 143 110 26 7
1929 ...and this one is from Don Junior's private collection 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1930 Well, they WERE real. 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1931 The eyelashes are real but I glued the horn on myself 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1932 So I told her it's my man cave and I'll put what I like in it 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1933 He was in a herd of strange beasts who were oddly running in a circle, 1.2797 0.04372 143 108 30 5
1934 It's the first one that's actually a chick magnet. 1.2797 0.04801 143 112 22 9
1935 My granddaughter still hasn't forgiven me for ruining her birthday party. 1.2797 0.04801 143 112 22 9
1936 We’re now hunting children’s dreams to extinction. 1.2786 0.04427 140 106 29 5
1937 They were thought to be extinct, but I proved otherwise. 1.2786 0.03802 140 101 39 0
1938 You know, it was just too hard to keep its wings clipped 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
1939 My financial advisor told me to invest in a unicorn. 1.2778 0.04669 144 112 24 8
1940 Yes,the false eyelashes surprised me too. And the wig. 1.2778 0.04564 144 111 26 7
1941 That one is not as horny as the other two. 1.2770 0.04375 148 113 29 6
1942 Please don't tell my daughter about this. 1.2770 0.04375 148 113 29 6
1943 It was particularly difficult to bring that into the country. 1.2770 0.04269 148 112 31 5
1944 Beauty humiliates me, so I destroy it. 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1945 And the steaks were, of course, served rare. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1946 This is the result of Trump gutting the Imaginary Species Act. 1.2766 0.04733 141 110 23 8
1947 So my daughter stopped speaking to me, but it really brings the room togerther. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1948 It was a billion in one shot. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1949 First, bait them with tax cuts, then use the red tape to bring 'em down. 1.2766 0.04942 141 112 19 10
1950 The unicorn required an accurate shot, since the merry-go-round had started moving. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1951 You think you're done for, then instinct takes over. 1.2766 0.05044 141 113 17 11
1952 My daughter bagged it when she was seven. 1.2766 0.05044 141 113 17 11
1953 After that, nobody ever again told me you couldn’t kill a horse with a narwhal. 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1954 The good news is my proctologist expects me to have a full recovery. 1.2766 0.04733 141 110 23 8
1955 Yes, it IS one of a kind. 1.2766 0.04283 141 106 31 4
1956 I never dreamed environmental deregulation would go this far! 1.2766 0.04400 141 107 29 5
1957 I’ve hunted for one all my life, then there it was, doing a commercial. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1958 Glad to see the new White House hunting trophies match his Time Magazine covers. 1.2766 0.04733 141 110 23 8
1959 It was a magical moment. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1960 My daughter compared me to Voldemort. It was worth it. 1.2766 0.04733 141 110 23 8
1961 Yes, this was yet another trophy donated by Dick Cheney... 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1962 My daughter’s first kill. She was only ten. 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1963 Bagged it during my weekend at Woodstock. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1964 Unfortunately for her, my wish was to finish decorating the den. 1.2766 0.04283 141 106 31 4
1965 The hardest part was finding the virgin maiden hunting guide. 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1966 Knowing what I know now... yeah, I suppose I do have some regret. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1967 It was magically delicious! 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1968 It’s the only one I brought down using an ice cream cone! 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1969 Is this what they meant when they said we should embrace diversity? 1.2766 0.04733 141 110 23 8
1970 There I was - the sun just beginning to fall - and I heard a noise. I whirled around and suddenly realized - I was alone - on the Merry-go-round. So... 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1971 Yes. He actually did fart glitter. 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
1972 The unicorn I got at a Dead concert back in '72. 1.2766 0.04733 141 110 23 8
1973 Bagged him in Disneyworld in 07. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1974 Well, I guess Greg really did go to Candy Mountain for his latest hunting trip. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1975 The hardest part was finding a virgin to lure this beauty out of the woods. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1976 Of course I told my daughter they weren't real. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1977 Donors visit to Eric and Donald, Jr.'s last of their species room. 1.2766 0.04163 141 105 33 3
1978 Well, he granted me one wish. 1.2759 0.04536 145 112 26 7
1979 Actually, Big Foot shot that one. 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
1980 I had to get one before they were all gone. 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
1981 Actually, it’s just a pony that was raised on GMO hay. 1.2746 0.04808 142 112 21 9
1982 Don, Jr. really screwed up this time. 1.2746 0.04703 142 111 23 8
1983 Yeah, she's a real beauty. I bagged her with Excalibur. 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
1984 Are you a big game hunter or the prince of narnia? 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
1985 I found it in a Thurber story. 1.2741 0.04753 135 105 23 7
1986 Yes, of course I knew it was endangered and now extinct but come on, look at those lashes. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1987 I bagged that one in my sleep. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
1988 They are not quite as rare as you think. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1989 Inconceivable! Did you know that your clock is 3 minutes fast? 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1990 I think that a carriage clock would help the room look more formal. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1991 My granddaughter wasn't as excited about it as I expected. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
1992 It was unusual. No blood. Just glitter. 1.2734 0.04186 139 104 32 3
1993 My daughter brought it back from a birthday party. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
1994 The one in the middle is from a trip with Puff the Magic Dragon 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1995 I have to admit, I thought all those trips to Narnia he talked about were made up. 1.2734 0.04982 139 111 18 10
1996 I bagged the last one after the EPA voided the Endangered Species Act 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
1997 I bagged that one at the 2016 Democratic National Convention. 1.2734 0.04309 139 105 30 4
1998 It just tastes like chicken. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1999 Actually, my grand-daughter bagged that one. 1.2734 0.04982 139 111 18 10
2000 Trump Jr. assured me that it wasn't wasteful. The villagers were happy for the meat. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2001 The hardest part was getting the rainbow bullets. 1.2734 0.04428 139 106 28 5
2002 White privilege. It’s everywhere you look. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2003 That’s from the psilocybin safari 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2004 Timothy Leary and I were walking in a park near Greenwich, and on a whim we followed some six year old to a birthday party and there it was. 1.2734 0.04982 139 111 18 10
2005 Lucky for me, it was the last one. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2006 I bagged this one while on safari in Candyland. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2007 Who wants to tell Jack that he'll have to re-book the entertainment for his granddaughter's birthday party? 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2008 And here we have my prized possession, the Hopes and Dreams of the Obama Administration. 1.2734 0.05187 139 113 14 12
2009 So glad, " Fake news" is a thing of the past"! 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2010 I'm hoping it's less controversial than Cecil the Lion. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2011 They're really just horses from the neck down. 1.2734 0.04428 139 106 28 5
2012 My daughter wasn't too thrilled about that one... 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2013 And if you move on to the living room you will see the Big-Foot rug. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2014 Gay Gun Club’s ‘Fabulous First Meeting’ 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2015 And this, my friends, was once a gentle, inquisitive, and whimsical creature whom I felt like killing. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2016 I shot her last Sunday in my fantasy hunting league. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2017 They say the meat tastes like Big Bird... 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2018 I'll never forget my first trip to Disneyland. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2019 ...so graceful and magical. Also, dumb. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2020 And, that 'Come, hither' look made this one an especially hard kill. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2021 I've heard some jerkwater wizard has put a bounty on my head. 1.2734 0.04309 139 105 30 4
2022 County fair carousel - 1977 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2023 I'm still torn over the ethics of killing for fantasy sport. 1.2734 0.04186 139 104 32 3
2024 On that same hunting trip I also bagged a jackalope. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2025 So, anyone gonna say anything about the Unicorn on Dave's wall? 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2026 If anyone asks, this doesn't exist. 1.2734 0.04428 139 106 28 5
2027 The wager was he didn't exist. I won. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2028 I used a legendary bullet. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2029 Surprisingly, once barbequed, it tasted like chicken. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2030 Isn't 3D printing wonderful. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2031 Better keep this under wraps, remember that dentist who killed the Lion? 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2032 My granddaughter said the giant teddy bear still didn’t make up for it. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2033 A phoenix over the fireplace would have made a lot more sense. 1.2734 0.04428 139 106 28 5
2034 That's when my granddaughter stopped speaking to me. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2035 You wouldn't believe how distracting rainbows can be when trying to get a kill shot. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2036 That's the last time my daughter went with me on safari. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2037 Lost the granddaughter with that one. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2038 My daughter never forgave me. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2039 Took her down with My Little Winchester. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2040 My grand-daughter kept asking for one, so... 1.2734 0.05086 139 112 16 11
2041 No, don't be silly. I used to maintain the carousel down on the boardwalk. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
2042 It sure is a beautiful trophy - the downside is that I'm doomed to live a cursed, half-life for the rest of eternity, and my 7 year old grand-daughter hates me. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2043 If it was real, my daughters would have my head up there instead. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2044 This one I bagged on a Coney Island merry-go-round safari 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
2045 My taxidermist is also the town beautician. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
2046 And that's when I realized that I was at a Furry convention. 1.2734 0.04982 139 111 18 10
2047 He was hiding in my daughter's bedroom. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
2048 Do you know how hard it is to score a Unicorn permit? 1.2727 0.04568 143 111 25 7
2049 My only concern was whether that was ivory or not. 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
2050 I bagged it in Silicon Valley. 1.2727 0.04674 143 112 23 8
2051 That antique clock is a rare Tambour. 1.2727 0.04568 143 111 25 7
2052 I took this specimen from the Forbidden Forest. Thank goodness Trump lifted the unicorn import ban. 1.2727 0.04568 143 111 25 7
2053 Oh, that's just my little trophy. 1.2727 0.04880 143 114 19 10
2054 I bagged that one at Magic Kingdom. 1.2721 0.05163 136 110 15 11
2055 My daughter still hates me. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
2056 See that one in the middle there? It's diamond encrusted from Tiffany's. And keeps perfect time too. 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
2057 I got it when the circus closed It reminds me of my ex wife 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
2058 They did say imagination was the greatest weapon 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
2059 He charged, a twinkle in his eyes, rainbows shooting from his nostrils.... 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
2060 Used a double barrel loaded with pixie dust on this one. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
2061 Actually it tastes like chicken. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
2062 Yeah, the grandkids aren’t allowed in this room anymore 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
2063 Papa Smurf led us to a whole herd of them. 1.2721 0.05056 136 109 17 10
2064 Our centaur shot that one. 1.2714 0.04516 140 108 26 6
2065 Well, when I was a kid Dad got me a gun instead of the My Little Pony I wanted. 1.2714 0.04738 140 110 22 8
2066 How'd I know that I'd crossed into Fantasy Land? 1.2714 0.04516 140 108 26 6
2067 I haven't yet told the kids that it's fake. 1.2714 0.04516 140 108 26 6
2068 Do I regret killing Sparkles? Only every time I see a rainbow. 1.2714 0.04282 140 106 30 4
2069 I'm fine with it. He assured me he wasn't the last. 1.2714 0.04628 140 109 24 7
2070 It turns out that PETA doesn't have leverage in dealing with mythical creatures. 1.2714 0.04628 140 109 24 7
2071 My granddaughter's first kill. 1.2714 0.04401 140 107 28 5
2072 And that one's from our safari in the wardrobe. 1.2714 0.04845 140 111 20 9
2073 You might recall this from that New Age remake of The Godfather? 1.2714 0.04845 140 111 20 9
2074 It cost me a million in therapy and my kids still don't speak to me, but the Trump part of me feels it was totally worth it... 1.2714 0.04738 140 110 22 8
2075 No choice really. Not if I wanted roses in the garden. 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
2076 Nowadays, you can't even look at a horny female. 1.2708 0.04749 144 114 21 9
2077 Marlene didn't believe I'd seen it, so I found it again and shot it to prove her wrong. 1.2701 0.04576 137 106 25 6
2078 She was My little pony. 1.2701 0.05023 137 110 17 10
2079 My first fantasy convention, and I quite enjoyed it. 1.2701 0.04691 137 107 23 7
2080 I got this one on a carousel. 1.2701 0.04335 137 104 29 4
2081 It's funny how the eye seems to follow you around the room. 1.2701 0.04576 137 106 25 6
2082 I bagged this one on Wall Street 1.2701 0.04915 137 109 19 9
2083 It was his last wish. 1.2701 0.04691 137 107 23 7
2084 And that was one of the many that did’t quite make it in Silicon Valley. 1.2701 0.04915 137 109 19 9
2085 No, its just a faked up old pony that keeled over at my daughter's birthday party. Least I could do for her. 1.2701 0.05023 137 110 17 10
2086 I swear if they say one more thing about how unicorns are not real. 1.2701 0.04691 137 107 23 7
2087 At first I thought I was seeing things, but then I saw the glitter trail. 1.2701 0.04457 137 105 27 5
2088 I was the first to bag a Silicon Valley unicorn. 1.2701 0.04079 137 102 33 2
2089 Do you think this means female orgasms are real too? 1.2701 0.05129 137 111 15 11
2090 Don't feel bad. It's only imaginary! 1.2701 0.04576 137 106 25 6
2091 "Found it poking around my Viagra. 1.2701 0.05129 137 111 15 11
2092 Bagged him on the carousel at Asbury Park. 1.2695 0.04488 141 109 26 6
2093 It wasn't as hard as you think. It just kept coming around and around until I bagged it 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
2094 Some guilt, but Don Jr. said his dad removed it from the endangered list, so...you know. I took my shot. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
2095 This one I shot because I really didn't like his attitude 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
2096 At first it was PETA, then the ACLU got involved, then it was a LGBT coalition. Our lawyers said it would be cheaper to settle... 1.2695 0.04815 141 112 20 9
2097 A tough shot. She was spinning around on a carousel with a little kid on her back. 1.2695 0.04708 141 111 22 8
2098 You wouldn’t believe the taxidermist’s bill. 1.2695 0.04815 141 112 20 9
2099 I bagged that one while hunting for a big foot in Narnia. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
2100 Most evil hunter? I was neck and neck with the President's son and some dentist, but now I'm a head. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
2101 If you think that’s impressive, you should see the hood of my car. 1.2695 0.04256 141 107 30 4
2102 The horn is the straightest thing about this. 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
2103 it was a magical feeling . 1.2690 0.04512 145 113 25 7
2104 I do have a few mythical issues with it. 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
2105 Bagged this beauty at my granddaughter's birthday party. 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
2106 In the other room I have some green alligators and long-necked geese, humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees... 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
2107 Coney Island, 1962. I was five. 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
2108 Yes, Old Stewball was a real race horse, and I'm glad he was mine. He actually only drank water, but he earned me great wine. His bridle was silver, and he dyed his mane gold; His Unicorn name was Phyllis, and she never looked old. 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
2109 I recall Kesey was driving when this guy tried to get on the bus. 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
2110 Well, we were all taking a lot of LSD back in those days. 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
2111 Well Frank, I think you just punched your ticket to go straight to hell. 1.2687 0.04515 134 103 26 5
2112 I got it at Costco. It's the last one they had. 1.2687 0.04389 134 102 28 4
2113 Unique? Sure. But my little girl hasn’t spoken to me in three years. 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
2114 It can't be real. Just look at those lashes... 1.2687 0.04515 134 103 26 5
2115 Grab your coats. The Yeti is in the walk-in freezer. 1.2687 0.04389 134 102 28 4
2116 Of course, accessories and a little eye makeup, go a long way. 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
2117 This one was like a dream come true. 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
2118 It’s a surprise for my daughter. She loves stuffed animals 1.2681 0.04308 138 105 29 4
2119 It was easy. She reminded me of my ex-wife. 1.2681 0.04990 138 111 17 10
2120 It just seemed to be daring me. 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
2121 It belonged to the prior owner, some British guy named Lord Voldemort. 1.2681 0.05095 138 112 15 11
2122 Yeah, but at least I hold the Guinness world record for hate mail, and the second runner-up position for death threats. 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
2123 ...so naturally I shot him. 1.2681 0.04773 138 109 21 8
2124 I nailed this sucker after my Son fell off the carousel. 1.2681 0.04183 138 104 31 3
2125 Yep, tagged this one in the enchanted forest. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
2126 An antelope, a unicorn, and a bull walk into a topless bar . . . 1.2676 0.04784 142 113 20 9
2127 Luckily, I brought the shotgun to my granddaughter's birthday party. 1.2667 0.05065 135 109 16 10
2128 From Toys"R"Us's going-out-of-business sale. 1.2667 0.04607 135 105 24 6
2129 She decided she wanted a hamster 1.2667 0.04841 135 107 20 8
2130 I know. I know. I didn't think they existed either. I saw it and just had to have it, so I shot it. 1.2667 0.04841 135 107 20 8
2131 Shhhh... they're all fake. 1.2667 0.04607 135 105 24 6
2132 ..And this one just came out of nowhere from behind that old Toys R’ Us... 1.2667 0.04486 135 104 26 5
2133 I'm pretty sure I bagged my limit on that one. 1.2667 0.03962 135 100 34 1
2134 Capturing the horse was easy. Gluing the cone on was the hard part. 1.2667 0.04486 135 104 26 5
2135 It tasted like chicken. 1.2667 0.04954 135 108 18 9
2136 Sure, Ron, all your hunting stories end with 'it must have been magic.' 1.2657 0.04543 143 112 24 7
2137 Surprisingly, it tasted a lot like California Condor. 1.2657 0.04857 143 115 18 10
2138 How a horse mated with a narwhal, I'll never know. 1.2656 0.04896 128 101 20 7
2139 Beauty mocks me, so I destroy it. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2140 This have really changed under Scott Pruitt 1.2652 0.05253 132 108 13 11
2141 Miracles really do come true once you find the right taxidermist. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2142 No, I'd never heard of a horse falling on his sword, either. 1.2652 0.05142 132 107 15 10
2143 ...and our interior designer told us a little pop of color would be a nice update for our mounted head collection. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2144 Mythical my ass! 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2145 And that one I bagged on Fantasy Island 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
2146 It’s for my granddaughter. She collects unicorns. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2147 What's funny is he was aiming for the leprechaun. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2148 My granddaughter is quite a shot. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2149 I caught him crossing the road in Silicon Valley. 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
2150 Needless to say, my grand-daughter never forgave me for that one. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2151 General Mills has declared them Magically Delicious. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2152 Who knew? 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2153 I've Tinkerbell stuffed in the other room 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
2154 He wasn't wild about my wish. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2155 It was a thank-you gift from Oliver North. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2156 This one I bagged at the Magic Kingdom. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2157 Bagged that one for my little granddaughter. Ungrateful child. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2158 I bagged him while on safari in Orlando, Florida. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2159 I got tired of keeping it real. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2160 And that’s the last time I went to Disney. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2161 I'm just that big of a dick. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2162 My daughter-in-law gave me a book about getting in touch with your feminine side and I thought, ". . . girls . . . unicorns . . . OK, I can be open to change . . . ." 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
2163 Oh that one? Coney Island merry go round, Why? 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
2164 The eyes really do follow you when you move. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2165 The difficulty was finding a virgin to capture it. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2166 I thought they were kidding about a fantasy hunt! 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
2167 I shot that one on Halloween. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2168 I was told the money would be used to save all the other endangered unicorns 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2169 We were fortunate the hunting ban was eased. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2170 "Being mythical, I didn't have to deal with all that endangered species nonsense". 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2171 Nope, it’s not a horn, A great stylist and a lot of hairspray 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
2172 He was a real party animal 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2173 This trophy was from my safari in Silicon Valley. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2174 'You ever belly crawl on a rainbow?' 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2175 It was an honor to be in Secretary Zinke's hunting party! 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2176 She has those Betty Grable eyes. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2177 You'd be amazed at what I went through to get this...at Toys R Us. 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
2178 I bought it on eBay; They said it was African. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2179 I like unicorns who weren’t captured 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2180 I bagged it at Mar-A-Lago. 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
2181 To be fair - it was running straight at the armored Jeep. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2182 His daughter lives with her mom now. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2183 It was even more a triumph of imagination than of hunting prowess. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2184 Last one, unfortunately. But, it had to be done. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2185 The broker said it’s one of a kind, but I don’t buy it. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2186 Talk about completing my wish list. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2187 I want the house to also appeal to the Millenials and Generation Z clients so we installed this vegan, faux fur, gluten-free, nut-free, dairy-free, all-organic, grass woven unicorn head. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2188 Getting permission to shoot the horse was a breeze compared to finding the imported horn on the web. 1.2652 0.05253 132 108 13 11
2189 'I shot that on my fake hunting trip.' 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2190 I know both of you are sleeping with my wife. So was the unicorn. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2191 I was hunting pegasus and this showed up. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2192 What better way to preserve the last of it's kind. 1.2652 0.05142 132 107 15 10
2193 Most people don't believe the story behind that one. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2194 It's impressive, but I think his FBI Director still tops it. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2195 Let me show you my Mermaid wall. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2196 I found it on Etsy. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2197 I bagged that one back in 1974 while I was tripping. 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
2198 Yes, which is what makes it so easy to get the permit. 1.2652 0.04283 132 100 29 3
2199 Actually it tastes like chicken. 1.2652 0.05142 132 107 15 10
2200 I bagged this one somewhere over the rainbow. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2201 Don’t ask. 1.2652 0.04283 132 100 29 3
2202 You know when Bernie Sanders promised us rainbows and unicorns, I really didn't think he was legit. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2203 And that’s why the president has made hunting great again. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2204 And this summer we're off to Crete to bag a minotaur. Let me know if you want in. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2205 My granddaughter has a 'My Little Pony' collection and I have mine. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2206 Those little girls cried and cried. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2207 This one's unbelievable. 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
2208 And I bagged this beauty in Narnia. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2209 I really wanted a rhino head but they're very scarce these days. 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
2210 My granddaughter is a little upset about it. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
2211 I sold the rest for oriental medicine. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2212 I bagged the one in the middle at Disney On Ice 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2213 Only a virgin can capture one, but if you have a .308 rifle, the are pretty easy to take down. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
2214 Psh! Imaginary, my ass! 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
2215 He was a threat to our business model. 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
2216 Ah, my favorite. That was 18 years ago, Silicon Valley. 1.2647 0.04457 136 105 26 5
2217 Well, I guess they did exist after all. 1.2632 0.04640 133 104 23 6
2218 All I need now is a Mermaid. 1.2632 0.04255 133 101 29 3
2219 Oh yes, that was a magical hunt. 1.2632 0.04255 133 101 29 3
2220 On Big Rock Candy Mountain, why? 1.2632 0.04515 133 103 25 5
2221 So much for fantasies. 1.2632 0.04255 133 101 29 3
2222 My wife shot that one. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
2223 I shot it with a magic bullet. 1.2632 0.04879 133 106 19 8
2224 I bagged that one on my Coney Island safari. 1.2632 0.04387 133 102 27 4
2225 Donald, Jr. sent me that one. 1.2632 0.04994 133 107 17 9
2226 Ironically, it was the last time I spoke to my daughter. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
2227 I'm no longer welcome at the Wonderland Zoo. 1.2632 0.04515 133 103 25 5
2228 That one,yes unfortunately I was arrested for shooting a horse with a party hat. 1.2632 0.04879 133 106 19 8
2229 Bagged one on my first trip out to Silicon Valley. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
2230 After that went up, my daughter got into Goth. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
2231 I heard that this one was self defense. It's not all rainbows and sunshine with these guys! 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2232 Unbelievable! 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2233 Without us hunters, there really wouldn't be a conservation movement. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2234 I bagged him in under the rainbow in my granddaughter's playhouse. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2235 It's only for the summer, my granddaughters are coming to stay. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2236 To my relief, that one wasn't on the Endangered Species List either. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2237 It's from his last acid trip. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2238 This was the last one in the world, so I knew I had to have it. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2239 I actually hit this one with my car. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2240 I bagged that one at Coney Island. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2241 This is the only one my wife likes. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2242 She's got Betty Davis eyes. 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2243 The hunt was magical. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2244 Can you believe it? 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2245 I couldn't find a spotted owl. 1.2615 0.04307 130 99 28 3
2246 That one took my glitter gun 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2247 The grandkids quit talking to me after I bagged that one at 'Play-Time Safari Park.' 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2248 I had to outbid Don Junior in order to shoot it, but it was worth it. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2249 The President caught this one on his last trip to the moon. 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2250 Quite a feat actually - first, I had to imagine it, and then, I had to kill it. Of course, the taxidermy had to share the experience. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2251 My taxidermist is also in my fantasy league. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2252 I got that one at my little girl's birthday party. You should have heard the screams. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2253 Endangered? I prefer “mythical”. 1.2615 0.04166 130 98 30 2
2254 I don't know why everyone's so impressed. It's just a one-point buck. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2255 According to him, he was the last of his kind. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2256 I was also a bit bit skeptical but then “Nessie” is mounted down the hall. 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2257 Instead of a hunting dog I used a Pegasus. 1.2615 0.05186 130 106 14 10
2258 I shot that one at FAO Schwarz in New York. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2259 Who's for some ring toss? 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2260 I bagged this one at my neice’s third birthday party. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2261 Our company takes great pride in diversity. 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2262 We are fast approaching the stage of intoxication. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2263 We're thinning the overpopulated herd along Sand Hill Road. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2264 Sooner or later, these things are going to be hunted to extinction. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2265 Who made the sangria? 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2266 He was eating your mother's roses. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2267 I only had one shot, but to be honest, he was hard to myth 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2268 An entire gender reviles me. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2269 A non-existent trophy.......very Zen. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2270 Of course the grandchildren aren't allowed in this room. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2271 The hard part of bagging this one was finding a virgin to use as a lure. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2272 My first wife never let me go unicorn hunting. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2273 Not many people know this, but Unicorns are the other other white meat. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2274 I couldn't decide if I should mount the unicorn or the Dodo. Man, that bird was tasty. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2275 Shot that one is Asbury Park. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2276 It was a dream hunt. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2277 Next I'm going for the Loch Ness monster. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2278 I didn't have room for the satyr. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2279 I was just sitting there, with my AR-15 at the Merry-Go-Round. It was almost TOO easy! 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2280 I sighted him horsing around at a New Year's party. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2281 Predator, myth, prey. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2282 I bagged this one in Silicon Valley with my bare hands and a few accounting gimmicks. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2283 I actually bagged this one on a merry-go-round, but still... 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2284 Remember that famous "Godfather" scene with a dead unicorn in the bed? 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2285 Rare? Yes, but anything for my little girl. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2286 I hear they taste like chicken. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2287 I got her at a birthday party. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2288 Best fantasy camp EVER! 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2289 The NRA has my back. 1.2615 0.04307 130 99 28 3
2290 That one I bagged on the Timothy Leary hunting party. 1.2615 0.04166 130 98 30 2
2291 Its a conversation piece, about what I have no idea. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2292 This is why Ollie was asked to lead the NRA 1.2615 0.05186 130 106 14 10
2293 It tasted like chicken. 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2294 No, Miley Cyrus had a garage sale. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2295 I tell the grand kids that it is a narwhal. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2296 It was a gift from Uncle Voldemort. 1.2615 0.04307 130 99 28 3
2297 The story behind this one is unbelievable. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
2298 Narnia has the best big game hunting. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2299 Daughters first trophy. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2300 I bagged this one with a thirty-aught-six. And a virgin. 1.2615 0.05300 130 107 12 11
2301 I'm so proud I preserved them. There's not many of their breed left, ya know. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2302 It might be the only one, but I did love shooting it. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2303 And this one is unique. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2304 June 6, 1967, my first Acid trip. Woke up and the damn thing was on my wall. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2305 "The center trophy I bagged on a trip with Timothy Leary, the others on a trip to Africa. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2306 That one I shot in Lala Land 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2307 I was at a Trump resort when I bagged this baby. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2308 And when Trump reversed the Obama-era ban on hunting Unicorns, I knew what I had to do. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2309 I swear, I got the last one out there 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2310 I got that one while I was micro dosing. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2311 The taxidermist moonlights as a stylist for a high-end funeral parlour. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2312 I bagged him when the carousel stopped. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
2313 It took us ages to track this one down 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2314 Yeah. The wife prefers that one, although I'm not sure why. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
2315 The wife thought the room needed a feminine touch. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2316 This one is from 2016. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2317 Bagged it near the GMO Research Center. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2318 Can you believe it, the last one, and 30% off 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2319 It's illegal to hunt narwals so I'm just hiding the horn in plain view 1.2615 0.05070 130 105 16 9
2320 This one reminds me of my daughhter’s fifth birthday. She hasn’t spoken to me in 30 years. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2321 The hardest part was getting the glitter off of my safari outfit. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
2322 My daughter says fantasy far outweighs reality. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
2323 My granddaughter hates me. 1.2612 0.05073 134 109 15 10
2324 It's so realistic. 1.2612 0.04961 134 108 17 9
2325 It's my pride and joy, but my daughter won't ever speak to me again. 1.2612 0.04729 134 106 21 7
2326 My grand-daughter wanted me to get her Twilight Sparkle. Turns out, this is not what she meant. 1.2612 0.04846 134 107 19 8
2327 Bagging this one was mythical. 1.2609 0.04400 138 107 26 5
2328 I may have crossed a line with that one... 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2329 I shot it legally in ‘62 before the prohibition on LSD. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2330 I used a mythical bullet. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2331 Took it down it with an ice cream cone at 200 yards. Two scoops. One shot. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2332 I had it delivered overnight express from the other side of the rainbow. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2333 You just aim at the end of a rainbow and pull the trigger. It's no wonder they're almost extinct. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
2334 Dave's fake game trophies always create an awkward atmosphere. Wait till you see the elephant in the other room 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
2335 Most formidable carousel I ever tracked. 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2336 Well, that sort of puts a damper on make-believe. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2337 The secret is the willing suspension of disbelief. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
2338 An impala, a unicorn and a bull walk into a barn . . . 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
2339 That's quite a unique horn. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2340 Nice rhino, Jim. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2341 Of course, my daughter still won’t talk to me. 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
2342 And I bagged this one in Narnia! 1.2598 0.05269 127 104 13 10
2343 Don’t get me started on the glitter. 1.2598 0.04360 127 97 27 3
2344 I bagged it on trip in Silicon Valley. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2345 Remember when you guys asked me why my granddaughter and I are estranged? 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
2346 It's always been a fantasy of mine. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2347 My granddaughter isn't thrilled. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2348 Before you judge me, know that he identified as a mule deer. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2349 Ironic,my first one one was the last one 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2350 Well, if they did exist, they no longer do . 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2351 The guys at Mythbusters still don't believe me. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2352 No, I didn’t mean it metaphorically. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2353 It's actually my wife's sex toy. 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2354 So then the game warden says, "Sir, deer don't wear party hats." 1.2598 0.04360 127 97 27 3
2355 I'm quite proud of that one. I'm told it was the last of its kind. 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2356 The last electable centrist Democrat. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2357 Dang, if it isn't yet more fake gnus... 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
2358 See what I mean? Taxidermy reform only benefits the wealthy. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
2359 It isn’t all rainbows and...what’s the word I’m looking for? 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
2360 Almost looks real, doesn't it? 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2361 I bagged this in Central Park, near the Carousel 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2362 Well, it’s no longer her little pony. 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
2363 Endangered? It’s fictitious! 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2364 I guess I'll go with the one on the right. The one in the middle reminds me a little too much of my urologist. 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
2365 It's a.. uh, rare goat. 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
2366 Shooting them is easy — the hard part’s finding a virgin in this day and age to serve as bait. 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2367 They must have been running pretty fast to come crashing through the wall like that! 1.2598 0.04215 127 96 29 2
2368 It's a palomino I bagged with a waffle cone to the forehead. 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
2369 I got it at Target 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
2370 I bagged that one on the plains of Silicon Valley. 1.2595 0.04545 131 102 24 5
2371 Those goddamn Trump boys will shoot anything, I guess. 1.2595 0.05035 131 106 16 9
2372 If PETA gets wind of this, they’ll have my head. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
2373 And this one is from the Enchanted Forest trip last year. 1.2595 0.04545 131 102 24 5
2374 Global warming and environmental destruction are driving even unicorns out of their habitat. 1.2595 0.04414 131 101 26 4
2375 It's the trophy I'd dreamed of ever since I was a kid. 1.2595 0.04545 131 102 24 5
2376 Just gazing at her every day reminds me to be more happy and peaceful. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
2377 ...and I donated the meat to the Girl Scouts. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
2378 It really draws your attention away from his inadequacies... 1.2595 0.04545 131 102 24 5
2379 Honestly. It was roadkill. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
2380 I have to confess, I didn't shoot it. It was roadkill. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
2381 I really loved the ‘60’s! 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
2382 Yes, indeed! Now imagine what it would be like if all those gun-control nuts had their way! 1.2595 0.04917 131 105 18 8
2383 Middle one's from my daughter's FAO Schwarz plush collection. It adds color to a dark hobby. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
2384 It's a long story, but infortunately, it didn't have a happy ending. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
2385 There may be some lingering resentment. 1.2595 0.04139 131 99 30 2
2386 My daughter is carrying on the family tradition. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
2387 The one in the middle was the toughest to track insofar as it doesn't exist. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
2388 They tell me they are quite rare! 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
2389 Why don't they call it a unihorn? 1.2578 0.04471 128 99 25 4
2390 Our thoughts and prayers are with her family. 1.2578 0.04866 128 102 19 7
2391 Booking that hunt was a surreal experience. 1.2578 0.04606 128 100 23 5
2392 I won't be a virgin much longer with this bad boy on the wall. 1.2578 0.04991 128 103 17 8
2393 Who knew it was endangered. Still, it looks damn good on the wall, doesn't it. 1.2578 0.04471 128 99 25 4
2394 I bagged that one just outside of Disneyland... 1.2578 0.05113 128 104 15 9
2395 It's always more satisfying when it's the last of its kind. 1.2578 0.04866 128 102 19 7
2396 Yeah? Well, maybe YOU'RE the one who's mythical. 1.2578 0.04606 128 100 23 5
2397 Apparently there was a place called Silicon Valley that bred and nursed the damned things. 1.2578 0.04471 128 99 25 4
2398 It's my only ante-diluvian trophy! 1.2578 0.04187 128 97 29 2
2399 Of course I was much younger then. 1.2578 0.04606 128 100 23 5
2400 And finally my greatest prize: Innocence herself. 1.2578 0.04471 128 99 25 4
2401 Where's Teddy Now?" "He's in Ireland hunting leprechauns. 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
2402 Let’s keep this one under wraps boys. You know what happens to us trophy hunting dentists. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
2403 It’s all about diversity. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
2404 ... and I got this one at Disney World. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2405 My daughter caught that one. 1.2560 0.04385 125 96 26 3
2406 Anything is possible on an alternate species safari. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2407 "Apparently it''s kind of rare". 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2408 That one's from my safari with Trump -- true story! 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2409 You have no idea how many shrooms it took to bag this one 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2410 My daughter never forgavae me for that one. 1.2560 0.05194 125 102 14 9
2411 Yes, I got it off Amazon Prime. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2412 Pfft … Big deal. That rug you're standing on? That's Sasquatch. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2413 I can never eat at Medieval Times again, but totally worth it. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2414 I bagged that one on a weekend retreat at Big Sur 1.2560 0.05316 125 103 12 10
2415 They're captured only by virgins. My fourty year old son that lives in the basement caught it. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2416 The Minotaur got away 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2417 Where'd you get the permit for that? 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2418 It's a bit gaudy, honestly. 1.2560 0.04385 125 96 26 3
2419 And to think, for years people didn't believe this clock existed. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2420 It's not real 1.2560 0.05194 125 102 14 9
2421 Don Jr really out did himself on this one! 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2422 I just glued it on. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2423 I bagged this one at Startup Fantasy Camp 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2424 I got this one in my dreams. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2425 I was actually aiming for that raccoon that keeps getting in our trash. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2426 My five-year-old likes to hunt. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2427 Truth is, it was a lucky shot! 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2428 That may have had something to do with my daughter's estrangement. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2429 I was on safari in Xanadu with the Pope's wife when I bagged that unicorn. 1.2560 0.05436 125 104 10 11
2430 Contrary to legend, the unicorn could blow rainbows out its ass. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2431 ...and we got a pint of boysenbery syrup from the liver and three-dozen licorice whips from the tail. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2432 My bad. I thought I was shooting at a white rhino. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2433 It was a unicorn shot: you know it could happen, but you never expected it to happen. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2434 You should see their Bitcoin collection. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2435 Man, did my daughter ever let me have it when I bagged that one. I had to tell her that it came from a merry-go-round. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2436 “And, here, a trophy from my tripping safari 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2437 These mounted animal heads suggest that our drinks are spiked. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2438 I don't know what it is, either, but I feel lucky to have killed it. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2439 I'm told Eric and Don Jr. had a tremendous tremendous time in Narnia. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2440 I bagged that one on a safari in Disneyland. 1.2560 0.04385 125 96 26 3
2441 Of course it's real. My daughter is a virgin. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2442 Turns out wasn’t so lucky after all 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2443 The President's son dropped these off. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2444 Got him off the endangered species list. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2445 Bagged that one at Coney Island, riding the carousel. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2446 The taxidermist gave us half off. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2447 Bagged this one in Socialist Utopia. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2448 Those two are entirely beside the point 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2449 Boy did I get grief from my daughter on that one 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2450 That one I bagged on a trip with my old school chum Timothy Leary. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2451 I knew you guys wouldn’t believe me 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2452 Bambi’s next. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2453 My Little Pony wony put up a fightsy wightsy. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2454 Gentlemen these are the finalists. I’m going with the angry unicorn to win bigly. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2455 It wasn't on the "Endangered Species List" so I decide to bag it. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2456 The most dangerous game is a child's imagination. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2457 I bagged that one in my neice's playroom. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2458 I wanted to show, both of you, that we believe our diversity is our strength. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2459 They're indigenous to Shangri-La. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2460 Remember when a billion dollars meant something? 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2461 My wife was riding her on the merry -go-round. Unfortunately, I aimed low. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2462 I shot him while he was looking at his reflection in the water. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2463 Shot that one off a moving carousel at Disneyland last summer. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2464 I don't think that's what your daughter meant. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2465 I bagged that one in the wilds of my granddaughter's closet. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2466 This is what happens when a stylist marries a taxidermist. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2467 A very long, long time ago.... 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2468 I shot a leprechaun too. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2469 I swear she was charging me. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2470 We're going for My Little Pony in the fall. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2471 I had to fight off a centaur to bag that one. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2472 If I had it to do over again, my friends, I’d stick to the occasional acid trip. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2473 The day I bagged ol Buttercup here, I stopped being just a dentist...... I was a real man. “You need help Walter 1.2560 0.05194 125 102 14 9
2474 I was hunting big game in Silicon valley. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2475 I took him down with a pink Super Soaker. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2476 It was me or him. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2477 I bagged that one on the carousel in Central Park. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2478 My granddaughter still hasn't forgiven me. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2479 Well, the kids were pretty upset, but man, what a magical experience. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2480 And that, gentlemen, is what happens to start-ups that fail on me. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2481 I got a great deal on this one. Half price since it’s only got one horn. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2482 That's my daughter's first kill. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2483 Do I feel guilty? Nope. In fact, I think I'm crushing it. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2484 This one is from my Disney expedition. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2485 My granddaughter hasn’t been back since she saw it. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2486 It took a lot of time and money to acquire that one, but every time a child sees it and cries their eyes out, I realize it was worth it. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2487 ...and I took this majestic beast down at my daughters 5th birthday party. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2488 This one was like taking candy from a baby. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2489 My first kill. I was riding the carousel, and I figured I'd never get another one. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2490 I bagged that one at my daughters birthday party 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2491 Believe it or not, it was easier than finding the next Uber. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2492 This one is called Kellyanne. 1.2560 0.05194 125 102 14 9
2493 Of course my granddaughter hates me, but you would not believe the rush! 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2494 It's Trump's. He wanted to be the first at something. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2495 That one I captured at the Cloisters. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2496 It was a fantasy come true! 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2497 He brought them back from his “dream vacation”. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2498 Remember my telling you about the one that didn't get away? 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2499 Not as rare as you'd think. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2500 The shot was easy. Finding him was the trick. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2501 My next time I'm going for a black swan. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2502 White House tour guide; "...and here in the 'Trump Sons Trophy Room' we have the wild Bluebuck, the Rainbow Unicorn and the Aurochs; all extinction now." 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2503 I had to fly to Disney World to get it. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
2504 I heard these come from a place called "The Deep State". 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2505 Beautiful specimen, but it strikes me that those eyelashes might not be real. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2506 I bagged the antelope in Africa, the water buffalo in India, and the unicorn in the Alpha Centauri System. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2507 Well, it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, if that's what you're asking... 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
2508 ... two Rice Krispies box tops and 10 bucks. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2509 I caught it floating in my neighbor's pool. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2510 I'm finally beyond the "just an asshole" category. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2511 I prefer my meat rare. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
2512 This one was running in circles at the Mall. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2513 My daughter is a little upset over this one. 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
2514 My daughter bagged this one at an Orlando theme park when she was twelve. We’re not allowed back. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
2515 PETA protests were bad enough, but PETU are beyond belief. 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
2516 Well, this species doesn't actually exist. Not anymore that is. 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
2517 Sadly, that turned out to be my son-in-law at his daughter's birthday party. 1.2540 0.05156 126 103 14 9
2518 Yep, it was a dream hunt. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
2519 I bagged that one on my last trip to Narnia. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2520 She lived an alternative lifestyle. 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
2521 Hmm, suddenly Don Jr. doesn't look so bad... 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
2522 That’s when I found her cheating with these two; and now … all three are mounted. 1.2540 0.05156 126 103 14 9
2523 My granddaughter bagged it at Six Flags. 1.2540 0.05278 126 104 12 10
2524 There's almost a fairy tale quality to how I bagged this one 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
2525 I understand that Paul, but I still don’t get how you managed to find such a magnificent antique clock on your salary. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2526 That's nothin', back in my day, I once bagged the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and a smurf. 1.2540 0.05032 126 102 16 8
2527 It wasn’t an easy shot as it was sliding down that rainbow. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
2528 I nailed her as she stepped out from behind a rainbow. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
2529 I guess they're off the endangered list. 1.2540 0.04355 126 97 26 3
2530 The virgin got away. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
2531 My wife found it at a flea market and thought of me. She calls me her "Man of Extinction". 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2532 I got the last one! 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
2533 I grew tired of chasing unicorns. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2534 Even the bull is skeptical. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2535 I guess I got lucky 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
2536 I bagged that one with my imaginary gun. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
2537 I got that one at a GOP rally in Arizona. 1.2540 0.05156 126 103 14 9
2538 I had to tell little Sarah that Buttercup ran away to a different farm. Thankfully, my taxidermist will do anything for twenty extra bucks. 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
2539 Wait till you see what I found when I was hunting for Easter eggs. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2540 Hey, look there! He's shaking hands with the president in that photo. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
2541 I learned after this never to mix LSD and a gun. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
2542 Two guys named Donald Jr. and Eric sold it to me. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2543 I always wondered what became of Twilight Sparkle. 1.2540 0.04355 126 97 26 3
2544 Yeah, I think it's starting to kick in. 1.2540 0.05032 126 102 16 8
2545 Now let's move on to the rec room and Paddington Bear. 1.2538 0.04544 130 102 23 5
2546 Believe it or not, I found that one in my garden one morning, eating the roses. 1.2538 0.04411 130 101 25 4
2547 It took a lot of hunting, but we found ours on Tinder. 1.2538 0.04544 130 102 23 5
2548 My daughter is a great shot! 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2549 It's not what it looks like, I killed her with a stalactite. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2550 And the middle one I took down during a psychotic break last fall. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2551 Looking for the moral compass at our nation’s capital, ended up with this ... 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
2552 I shot it at dawn in Silicon Valley. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2553 I bagged that one during my Timothy Leary period. 1.2520 0.04410 123 95 25 3
2554 Almost gored me while I was laying a trap of bacon and donuts. 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
2555 Sure got my money’s worth on that Fantasy Safari. 1.2520 0.05239 123 101 13 9
2556 It tasted a lot worse than it looks. 1.2520 0.05110 123 100 15 8
2557 Surprisingly, it tastes a little gamey....like CandyLand. 1.2520 0.04559 123 96 23 4
2558 Well it's all downhill from here. I think I might try my hand at golf. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2559 I followed the trail of glitter until I came upon its fairy tail. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2560 I bagged this one at Burning Man. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2561 Don't be absurd, that's just where I like to store my waffle-cones. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2562 So, they said, your $40,000 hunting fee will go toward preserving the species. After I shot it I found out this was the last of the species. Of course, the value has ballooned considerably. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2563 The President must be so proud of Donald, Jr...... 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2564 Apparently the horn can cure cancer, but I prefer here over my fireplace. 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
2565 I think my wife is mocking me. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2566 ... and people said my glitter gun certification was a waste. 1.2520 0.05110 123 100 15 8
2567 What an asshole. 1.2520 0.05365 123 102 11 10
2568 Forget the hunting rifle. To bring 'em down, you need radioactive nano-pixie dust. Not contaminated with glitter, of course. 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
2569 You’re imagining things I only see two heads. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2570 My daughter wondered if they were real; now she knows. 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
2571 Got him my second acid trip! 1.2520 0.04256 123 94 27 2
2572 Impressive, but it’s not My Little Pony. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2573 I think I bagged that one at Woodstock. 1.2520 0.05365 123 102 11 10
2574 I found it after it missed its third round of funding. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2575 I shot that one in Thurber's back yard. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
2576 The hard part was finding a gun store that sold tiny magical bows and arrows. 1.2520 0.04325 127 98 26 3
2577 I bagged that at Woodstock in '69. 1.2520 0.04605 127 100 22 5
2578 Oh, I bagged that one on my LSD safari in the 60's. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2579 Of course bagging a unicorn on Wall Street was even more satisfying. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2580 My daughter isn’t speeking to me. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2581 Well, who told him to offer me a wish? 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2582 Just kidding! It's an ice cream cone. 1.2500 0.04379 124 96 25 3
2583 It was a dream kill. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2584 Africa,no Amazon.com. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2585 The rest of it went into that frappuccino. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2586 My Little Pony. Four hour trek through suburban jungle. Toys R Us Jersey City. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2587 I'm still hoping to add 'My Little Pony' to this collection. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2588 It came to me in a dream. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2589 No, I keep the original in the vault. 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
2590 Took this one on an acid trip. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2591 This one was quite elusive, until the carousel stopped... 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
2592 We call it "My little horny." 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2593 It's just magical, isn't it? 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
2594 That's what I do. Fake it until I make it. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2595 This one has a story you won't believe. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2596 I used to have a centaur up here too, but nobody believed it. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2597 No, it's sort of like a Rorschach test. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2598 I can't tell you where I bagged that one. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2599 It was either him or me. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2600 It's only once you're in the .0001% that you can hunt mythical species too. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2601 The hardest part was finding a virgin. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2602 Simple. I thought, 'What would Trump do?' 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2603 A dense rainbow made it an especially difficult shot... 1.2500 0.04526 124 97 23 4
2604 I bagged that one while on a very remote and dangerous Nigerian carousel! 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
2605 No, the one in the middle is a clock. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2606 ...and the strip steaks were particularly magical. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2607 Well, the Sasquatch wouldn't have fit the aesthetic. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2608 I got on a trip in the sixties using LSD 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2609 Technically, I WAS still a virgin. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2610 At the time, I didn't know they were endangered. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2611 Really surprising .... like chicken-flavored cotton candy 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2612 Now most people say it doesn't count as 'real' hunting, but let me tell you, when I was on that carousel and this guy was lunging right at me... 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2613 It's eyes are opening....we should probably run... 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2614 ..and this one we shot on safari at the local merry-go-round. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2615 My daughter was only six when she bagged her first trophy. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2616 There was glitter everywhere! 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2617 It wouldn’t stay out of the roses. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2618 God Bless the NRA. 1.2500 0.05116 108 86 17 5
2619 I added the eyelashes myself 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2620 Bagged it on his mythical hunting trip. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2621 I donated the rest of the body to the crazy glue factory. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2622 My daughter hasn’t tried to argue with me since. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2623 Oh, that's just my horse. He backed into a spear, so I had to put him down. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2624 It Was Just A Shot In The Dark ! 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2625 This poor bloke was actually a sports mascot. 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
2626 Luckily, I was still a virgin. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2627 Her mother was a horse, her dad, a Narwhal. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2628 I bagged it the same year the Cubs became World Series champions, something else I didn't believe could exist. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2629 The other two I shot in America recently but this one was from a happier time. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2630 I want to instill the love of the sport to the grandkids while they're still young. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2631 Snagged that one at the merry-go-round. They still talk about it. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2632 Yep, killed it with kindness. 1.2500 0.05320 116 95 13 8
2633 This particular one didn't play well on Facebook at the time. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2634 I tracked this one for miles after it left my granddaughter’s birthday party. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2635 Doesn't look like it's worth a billion, does it? 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
2636 It makes you respect the majesty of nature, doesn’t it? 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
2637 Well, have you ever been to Nebraska? 1.2500 0.04379 124 96 25 3
2638 My daughter shot this one. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
2639 My daughter has never forgiven me. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
2640 A little double-sided tape and hot glue... boom... a zebra. 1.2500 0.05326 120 99 12 9
2641 My daughter, Becky, shot this one. She's a lobbyist for the NRA now days. 1.2500 0.04142 120 91 28 1
2642 Yes, it is a unique horn. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2643 I thought it was a glitter gun. 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
2644 They were never going to raise enough to save the carousel. I got there first and saved these fine trophies! 1.2480 0.04906 125 101 17 7
2645 I was trying to shoot a My Little Pony but he’ll have to do. 1.2480 0.04636 125 99 21 5
2646 Maybe I misunderstood when it said "take me home". 1.2480 0.04636 125 99 21 5
2647 It's actually a horse our neighbor dressed up for young Malcom's birthday party, but it adds a bit of mystery to the trophy wall, don't you think? 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
2648 With only one left, the extinction is not technically on me. 1.2480 0.04636 125 99 21 5
2649 The hunt for this one was magical. 1.2480 0.04495 125 98 23 4
2650 I thought trophy hunting was illegal at Coachella 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2651 Who's up for a game of ring toss? 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
2652 Not as magical in this position. 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
2653 So I said, "honey, if you don't bring your grades up, there will be consequences." 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2654 Guess what we're having for dinner? 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2655 What a unique horn! 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
2656 To kill something so rare was magical. 1.2479 0.04435 121 94 24 3
2657 This is a classic example of one-point perspective. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2658 I got that one on a trip to Fantasyland. 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
2659 I bagged this one as he was trying to blend in at a carousel 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
2660 We use the leprechaun as a paperweight. 1.2479 0.04435 121 94 24 3
2661 Ernest Hemingway never hunted a unicorn in his life. 1.2479 0.04435 121 94 24 3
2662 Why do you ask? 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2663 I made on my 3D printer. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2664 I caught him with Fruit Loops. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2665 The second head is at the EPA offices! 1.2479 0.05153 121 99 14 8
2666 Who knew the taste would be so gamey 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2667 I used to cherish our father-daughter hunting trips. 1.2479 0.04277 121 93 26 2
2668 I bagged this one in the 60's when I was living in the Village. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2669 My taxidermist charged double to keep this one quiet. Absolutely worth it. 1.2479 0.04435 121 94 24 3
2670 It’s not endangered, I keep it perfectly safe here. 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
2671 Extremely rare and maddeningly elusive, but tastes like horsemeat. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2672 I value the middle one the most - speaking metaphorically. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2673 Where’s the button that makes it sing? 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
2674 Shot that in Washington--anything can happen there these days. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2675 I still don't believe his story. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2676 Nothing's fake anymore. My daughter thinks he's real. 1.2479 0.04435 121 94 24 3
2677 This one makes up for me missing Bambi. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2678 I think you are taking diversity too far, old pal. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2679 This one offered me a wish before I shot it. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2680 Actually, the biggest challenge was convincing it I was a virgin. 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
2681 Yes, I did shoot this right before the 2016 presidential election. Why do you ask? 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2682 Well, I guess it's not technically horse meat. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2683 No really, it’s a fake. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
2684 Yep, she was one of a kind. 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
2685 Well, this one took a little imagination... 1.2479 0.04435 121 94 24 3
2686 College days. Hunting trip with my future father-in-law. First and last time I dropped acid. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2687 Isn't it gorgeous? Only 27.99 on Amazon with Prime. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
2688 Ah yes, she had the best merry-go-round 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
2689 He encountered a virgin 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2690 The legends say you need to be a virgin to find one, so I used my son as bait. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2691 He does have a point. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2692 It's nice Greg, but this isn't the kind of unicorn hunting I had in mind. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2693 I got the last one! 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
2694 Those were the days when difference was more acceptable. 1.2459 0.04843 122 98 18 6
2695 They're lucky creatures, aren't they? Unicorns.... 1.2459 0.04843 122 98 18 6
2696 Took him down at Disney World with my bare hands and a chain saw. 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
2697 Got that one at my granddaughter's birthday party. 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
2698 The trick is to bag one before they become endangered. 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
2699 It was his last wish. Pretty progressive for a black stallion if you ask me. 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
2700 so then it says "what's the point?" 1.2458 0.05238 118 97 13 8
2701 At least I didn't take a picture of myself laying on it naked. 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
2702 Yeah... Turns out that the horn is fake. 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
2703 Now this trip was a dream 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
2704 Don't worry, this is only the second to last. 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
2705 I bagged this beauty in LA at Disney studios. 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
2706 Damned EPA. Endangered my ass. 1.2458 0.05238 118 97 13 8
2707 And they want to take away our guns! 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
2708 And that one took first place in my fantasy hunting league. 1.2458