Contest #617


Cartoon

617

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “The only other channel is brimstone.”
  2. i dunno i think having a tail would be cool


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-05-20T18:49:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2018-06-10T19:05:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2018-05-28T18:49:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued June 4th & 11th, 2018
Number of captions 8154
Number of responses 895011
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 But before we head down... a short fire-safety video... 1.9780 0.01260 4097 1379 1429 1289
1 No, this is Purgatory. Hell has FOX 24/7. 1.9548 0.01183 5025 1884 1484 1657
2 I wonder if he moved that pitchfork a little left would we get better reception? 1.9031 0.01121 4832 1723 1854 1255
3 No, purgatory. In hell, it's Fox News 24/7. 1.8910 0.01235 4522 1832 1351 1339
4 It gets worse. The commercials are for air conditioning. 1.8807 0.01174 4368 1607 1675 1086
5 It's either this or the PBS pledge drive. 1.8729 0.01161 4768 1873 1628 1267
6 I didn’t know there would be an orientation video. 1.8625 0.01598 2299 854 907 538
7 It's not really eternal - if you watch closely it's a forty-five minute loop. 1.8586 0.01535 2454 907 987 560
8 I hear the 1% get real fire... 1.8513 0.01190 4540 1846 1523 1171
9 This is boring as hell. 1.8421 0.01358 3369 1355 1191 823
10 No, only the Catholics have real flames. We’re all Episcopalians. 1.8412 0.01134 4793 1917 1720 1156
11 Is it wrong to say you look hot? 1.8350 0.01583 2503 1025 866 612
12 He wants to make Hell great again. 1.8328 0.02652 909 379 303 227
13 Good news! If this were hell, they'd be showing Fox News. 1.8326 0.01674 2264 939 765 560
14 This is it? Well, I'll be damned! 1.8287 0.01334 3491 1434 1221 836
15 I guess it didn't really matter if I had on clean underwear after all. 1.8278 0.01203 4379 1830 1473 1076
16 No, you ask him to change the channel. 1.8203 0.01165 4379 1766 1634 979
17 They've been making due with this ever since the place froze over in 2016. 1.8164 0.01286 4117 1849 1175 1093
18 One channel, one show, no remote, welcome to hell! 1.8090 0.01366 3262 1364 1157 741
19 So this is ironic... last week I was standing next to a fire and watching naked people on TV. 1.8082 0.01196 4415 1898 1466 1051
20 It's a live feed from the White House. 1.7947 0.01697 2314 1057 675 582
21 It gets worse. In February they start showing reruns of The Apprentice. 1.7853 0.01459 2879 1257 983 639
22 Sometimes he changes the channel to Hannity 1.7832 0.02414 1033 447 363 223
23 We only get two stations. Fire and Brimstone. 1.7765 0.01225 3982 1734 1404 844
24 Did you give to the Trump campaign, too? 1.7760 0.01507 2821 1290 873 658
25 We're all Congressional staff. White House is two circles down. 1.7720 0.01281 3825 1735 1227 863
26 The last thing I remember was accepting a White House appointment. 1.7680 0.01306 3689 1687 1171 831
27 666 channels and nothing is on. 1.7604 0.02333 1156 535 363 258
28 So this is hell - a 15-inch screen, rabbit ears and no clicker! 1.7463 0.01607 2235 1000 802 433
29 The cable guy said he'd be here between now and eternity. 1.7452 0.01428 3010 1405 967 638
30 Well the ride in the hand basket was fun 1.7410 0.01342 3402 1597 1089 716
31 In heaven they have flat screens. 1.7361 0.02105 1296 588 462 246
32 Wow, turns out stealing cable IS a big deal. 1.7323 0.01679 2021 918 726 377
33 I can never tell the news from the weather. 1.7265 0.01481 2581 1180 927 474
34 ...and then, when he said, 'You have a choice: It's either the flames of hell, or Fox News', well, that was a no-brainer. 1.7258 0.01352 3479 1714 1005 760
35 Hell hath no cable. 1.7202 0.02321 1090 515 365 210
36 Wish I hadn't pulled the tag off our mattress. 1.7125 0.01519 2619 1276 820 523
37 In heaven they have flat screens. 1.7021 0.01584 2189 1024 793 372
38 The irony is that I'm here for stealing cable. 1.6938 0.01322 3246 1569 1102 575
39 And after this, we have to watch 14 seasons of The Apprentice. 1.6872 0.01395 3130 1595 919 616
40 So, you're a lawyer too? 1.6869 0.01391 3005 1491 964 550
41 There sure are a lot of white people down here! 1.6843 0.01731 2027 1036 595 396
42 666 channels and nothing to watch. 1.6819 0.01393 2968 1476 960 532
43 The Bible made this sound a lot worse. 1.6749 0.01547 2227 1073 805 349
44 When I first got here, we could only listen to the fire on the radio. 1.6737 0.01548 2409 1216 763 430
45 I really hate it when they give everything away in the previews. 1.6711 0.06204 149 75 48 26
46 At least it's a dry heat. 1.6709 0.02463 951 482 300 169
47 This is purgatory. Down there, they show reruns of The Apprentice. 1.6701 0.01824 1767 907 536 324
48 It's either this or the PBS pledge drive. 1.6700 0.01458 2706 1372 855 479
49 Nine circles of hell, and we get stuck in the one without cable. 1.6606 0.01578 2201 1103 742 356
50 Yes, but its a dry heat. 1.6588 0.01549 2339 1191 755 393
51 Do we really need a 24 hour weather station down here? 1.6507 0.01588 2276 1189 693 394
52 If one more person says, “At least it’s not FOX.”.... 1.6428 0.01787 1786 942 540 304
53 This training video is taking an eternity. 1.6403 0.01770 1793 942 554 297
54 The Devil Wears Nada. 1.6399 0.02070 1430 788 369 273
55 I'd sell my soul for Netflix right now....oh wait.... 1.6344 0.02143 1231 655 371 205
56 "And it only plays Fox news". 1.6342 0.02311 1110 606 304 200
57 Hey, at least it's not Hannity. 1.6284 0.02461 923 493 280 150
58 Do you believe he can make Hell great again? 1.6240 0.02009 1476 821 389 266
59 He makes us watch this fire safety video once a year. 1.6215 0.01986 1424 771 421 232
60 No, we're in Purgatory. This is just a trailer. 1.6212 0.01951 1407 744 452 211
61 Cool! They have Hell-To-Pay-Per-View. 1.6193 0.02613 830 453 240 137
62 Yes, but its a dry heat. 1.6182 0.02031 1349 731 402 216
63 Back in the old days we had real fire. 1.6174 0.02496 839 441 278 120
64 This orientation video is taking forever. 1.6172 0.02065 1335 733 380 222
65 I've seen this episode before. It doesn't end well. 1.6143 0.02586 783 414 257 112
66 Yes, I'm sure we're in hell--black and white, no cable, one channel, and no remote. 1.6141 0.02120 1275 706 355 214
67 It becomes hell when they switch to Trump's press conference. 1.6133 0.02135 1262 701 348 213
68 On the plus side, there's no ads. 1.6124 0.02420 841 433 301 107
69 I'd kill again for a recliner. 1.6123 0.02146 1189 645 360 184
70 In the 9th circle, I hear it's just "Hannity" on a loop. 1.6106 0.02232 1207 689 299 219
71 It's the weather report. 1.6087 0.02191 1168 645 335 188
72 There's only one channel, but liberals see Fox, and conservatives see MSNBC. 1.6083 0.02240 1177 668 302 207
73 I don't understand...all I did was vote for Donald Trump. 1.6078 0.02286 1160 668 279 213
74 Yeah, it's hot, but I've heard the second season is even hotter. 1.6076 0.02100 1157 611 389 157
75 It’s pretty much just this and Hannity. 1.6076 0.02271 1157 661 289 207
76 He's trying to reduce his carbon footprint. 1.6055 0.02823 697 385 202 110
77 I think the only way to get through this is to imagine everybody with their clothes on. 1.6040 0.02164 1106 592 360 154
78 False idols. And you? 1.6015 0.02211 1064 573 342 149
79 One channel and no remote? This is really Hell. 1.6002 0.02266 1053 579 316 158
80 At least it's not Fox News. 1.5992 0.02380 1033 592 263 178
81 So television really is the tool of the devil 1.5960 0.02397 990 562 266 162
82 These timeshares are always a scam. 1.5937 0.03270 507 282 149 76
83 The only programming we get down here is Fox News and the eternal fire. We leave it on the fire. 1.5928 0.02482 948 548 238 162
84 If I’d known that this is all it amounts to, I would’ve killed your mother right off the bat. 1.5919 0.02506 941 548 229 164
85 I knew we shouldn't have removed the mattress tag. 1.5916 0.02459 928 527 253 148
86 Is this it or are we in the waiting room? 1.5908 0.02556 782 425 252 105
87 Well, what do you know. It turns out that Hell was fake news! 1.5905 0.02469 928 530 248 150
88 Well, I'll be damned! 1.5905 0.02489 923 530 241 152
89 Do you dare me to tell him we’ll get better reception if he raises that pitchfork a bit? 1.5879 0.02482 859 477 259 123
90 They use to show us FOX News, but even they thought that was cruel and unusual punishment. 1.5876 0.02563 890 519 219 152
91 It's hotter in HD. 1.5855 0.02480 825 451 265 109
92 Dante would be so embarrassed. 1.5840 0.02551 851 486 233 132
93 We've done it this way since it froze over. 1.5828 0.02585 839 483 223 133
94 What’s the point of a fire-safety video? 1.5822 0.02572 833 476 229 128
95 Boy I hate these workplace training videos. 1.5806 0.02583 763 421 241 101
96 Of course, everyone has the option to upgrade to Premium Hell. 1.5801 0.02542 805 449 245 111
97 Typical. 9 Circles of Hell and nothing on. 1.5771 0.02592 785 443 231 111
98 The Devil Wears Nada. 1.5750 0.02784 767 460 173 134
99 We’re waiting for Sarah Huckabee Sanders to take the podium. 1.5733 0.02765 750 443 184 123
100 This is just the weather channel. If you complain, they send you down to watch political coverage. 1.5722 0.02805 741 442 174 125
101 Orientation videos are a waste of time. 1.5682 0.02685 704 396 216 92
102 I hate being the devil's advocate, but I am kind of chilly. 1.5667 0.02628 697 384 231 82
103 Is that Morgan Freeman's voice? 1.5665 0.02796 692 402 188 102
104 You expected real flames? There are way too many lawyers down here for that kind of liability! 1.5653 0.02770 681 390 197 94
105 We only get local stations 1.5647 0.02789 680 392 192 96
106 I’ll be damned. Hell really is having 500 channels with nothing worth watching. 1.5618 0.02814 655 376 190 89
107 With all the Comcast employees down here, you'd think we'd get better reception. 1.5594 0.02916 640 377 168 95
108 I understand this is just until the boiler gets fixed. 1.5594 0.02770 640 360 202 78
109 Another scorcher tomorrow. 1.5565 0.02901 620 360 175 85
110 On the bright side, half the people here are from the cable company. 1.5559 0.02992 617 368 155 94
111 They said we’d only need to listen to the talk for an hour before we had full access to the resort. 1.5548 0.02934 611 357 169 85
112 When they really want to punish us, they switch it to White House press conferences. 1.5539 0.02992 603 357 158 88
113 Before we get started please observe a short video which will help you discover that there is no nearest exit. 1.5539 0.02927 603 350 172 81
114 I don't know about you, but standing naked with a bunch of strangers while watching the news go up in flames is not my worst day. 1.5537 0.02824 605 341 193 71
115 I guess the Devil wears nada. 1.5532 0.03042 602 362 147 93
116 I knew if we voted for him we'd all go to hell. 1.5522 0.03101 603 370 133 100
117 The Meet Up Group read, 'hot, nude, adult entertainment.' I think I had something else in mind. 1.5522 0.02932 594 344 172 78
118 The picture looks like hell. 1.5518 0.03057 589 353 147 89
119 We're literally in virtual hell. 1.5513 0.02986 575 334 165 76
120 These welcome videos take an eternity. 1.5504 0.02957 585 340 168 77
121 I can’t believe we all used to work at the White House. 1.5500 0.03056 580 346 149 85
122 This is just a commercial. Hannity's next. 1.5485 0.03130 567 343 137 87
123 I always took it as hyperbole when customers used to say there is a certain place in hell for people who run cable companies. 1.5483 0.03072 569 339 148 82
124 The only other channel is brimstone. 1.5477 0.03002 566 330 162 74
125 Ever the optimist, Carl pointed out that they were dressed perfectly for the climate. 1.5471 0.02961 563 324 170 69
126 At least it’s not the Kardashians. 1.5464 0.03048 560 330 154 76
127 He keeps it tuned to world news to show us how good we have it down here. 1.5464 0.03048 560 330 154 76
128 Break’s over. Ten years of Fox News coming up. 1.5459 0.03254 555 346 115 94
129 Get ready everybody, He’s on his way to make Hell great again. 1.5459 0.03204 555 341 125 89
130 It only plays Fox News. 1.5453 0.03278 552 346 111 95
131 Hell! Another rerun! 1.5441 0.03084 544 321 150 73
132 I knew it would be bad, but I never dared imagine rabbit ears. 1.5440 0.02975 546 313 169 64
133 It's still better than Fox news 1.5428 0.03144 538 322 140 76
134 Ironically, I’m here for watching videos of naked people. 1.5421 0.03113 535 317 146 72
135 Cheer up. One level below us all they have to watch is Hannity. 1.5414 0.03237 532 326 124 82
136 I hear heaven has a flat-screen. 1.5414 0.03126 532 316 144 72
137 Apparently it's better for the environment. 1.5395 0.03079 519 302 154 63
138 Is this your first Trump rally? 1.5395 0.03423 519 332 94 93
139 I bet they have a flat screen in heaven. 1.5393 0.03118 521 307 147 67
140 Jerry Falwell was wrong about a lot if things. 1.5388 0.03177 516 308 138 70
141 Turns out, there is a special place for all who ignored the final PBS pledge drive. 1.5388 0.03247 516 314 126 76
142 A crowd gathers to watch the ever-popular "Face The dam-Nation." 1.5373 0.03194 510 305 136 69
143 Maybe if he turned his trident a skosh to the left? 1.5373 0.03170 510 303 140 67
144 That's why they call it Hell. We only get Fox News here. 1.5373 0.03289 510 313 120 77
145 I'd sell my soul for the remote. Again. 1.5368 0.03153 503 296 144 63
146 It only plays Fox News. 1.5365 0.03280 507 310 122 75
147 This orientation is taking an eternity. 1.5346 0.03128 492 286 149 57
148 The other channel is Fox News. 1.5344 0.03408 494 310 104 80
149 One day you're working for Fox News and then suddenly.... 1.5343 0.03349 496 307 113 76
150 It's all fake news since hell froze over. 1.5328 0.03490 488 312 92 84
151 I’m really not supposed to be here, I’m an agnostic. 1.5320 0.03216 485 288 136 61
152 There's no remote. What else do you need to know about Hell? 1.5312 0.03255 480 287 131 62
153 At least there are no pledge drives... 1.5312 0.03187 480 282 141 57
154 These overflow rooms never really capture the mood. 1.5304 0.03243 477 284 133 60
155 What did I miss? 1.5304 0.03270 477 286 129 62
156 Somehow, it never seems real until you see it on TV. 1.5298 0.03299 453 268 130 55
157 Not so bad. I thought we’d have to watch Fox. 1.5289 0.03405 467 288 111 68
158 At least it's not tuned to Fox News. 1.5280 0.03326 464 280 123 61
159 Didn't think I would be staring at a screen all day down here too. 1.5280 0.03284 464 277 129 58
160 Guess who owns the media. 1.5272 0.03311 459 275 126 58
161 I expected fire and brimstone, but never fake news. 1.5253 0.03245 455 268 135 52
162 Fox News: Giving hope to the damned since 2016. 1.5237 0.03446 443 272 110 61
163 At least he doesn't make us watch Sean Hannity. 1.5237 0.03505 443 276 102 65
164 He's trying to reduce his carbon footprint. 1.5236 0.03536 445 280 97 68
165 I hate orientation. 1.5235 0.03257 447 263 134 50
166 If this is really hell they'd be showing 'Apprentice' reruns. 1.5235 0.03495 447 279 102 66
167 It's just not the same as being there. 1.5235 0.03408 447 273 114 60
168 Yep, every channel. 1.5226 0.03331 442 264 125 53
169 You'd think with the corporate tax cuts they could afford a flat screen down here. 1.5206 0.03458 436 268 109 59
170 So far, it's just been 4,000 years of waiting for the cable guy. 1.5198 0.03517 429 266 103 60
171 Oh look, FOX news. 1.5197 0.03625 431 275 88 68
172 If I’m being honest, this is actually one of the better orientation videos I’ve seen. But then again ... being honest isnt really my thing. 1.5197 0.03363 431 258 122 51
173 I suppose this means we're not going to get internet down here either. 1.5189 0.03321 424 250 128 46
174 Well, the training video seems relatively straightforward. 1.5188 0.03360 426 254 123 49
175 We’re singe watching. 1.5177 0.03524 423 262 103 58
176 Nothing's ever on, but I hear we're getting Cosby soon. 1.5177 0.03410 423 255 117 51
177 That reminds me - did you turn off the stove? 1.5177 0.03377 423 253 121 49
178 Great, another time share presentation that will last an eternity. 1.5172 0.03356 435 262 121 52
179 I thought there’d be more tattoos. 1.5167 0.03491 418 256 108 54
180 I didn’t think there’d be an orientation. 1.5167 0.03424 418 252 116 50
181 Showing a safety video before we enter seems like overkill. 1.5157 0.03443 415 251 114 50
182 We get 187 channels. But they're all Fox News. 1.5157 0.03672 415 265 86 64
183 Fox 24-7 and no remote. 1.5157 0.03624 415 262 92 61
184 It could be worse - at least we're not on the phone with the cable company. 1.5157 0.03322 415 244 128 43
185 It's just like everything else these days - instead of actually burning in hell, you experience it on reality T.V. 1.5157 0.03322 415 244 128 43
186 Season five seems like it goes on for eternity. 1.5147 0.03487 408 248 110 50
187 The guy with the pitchfork has the remote, but try getting it from him. 1.5146 0.03352 410 242 125 43
188 Have you noticed that no one here has a tattoo? 1.5146 0.03508 410 251 107 52
189 Before the cutbacks the flames were real. 1.5135 0.03579 407 253 99 55
190 Well, I was right. Hell IS watching Fox News. 1.5125 0.03712 400 255 85 60
191 I'm more bothered than I am hot. 1.5124 0.03383 402 238 122 42
192 Is this your first Trump rally? 1.5113 0.03685 399 253 88 58
193 Eternal damnation I can handle, but no cable is just plain cruel. 1.5113 0.03546 399 245 104 50
194 Oh No. Not the pledge drive again. 1.5102 0.03701 392 248 88 56
195 God IS merciful! I thought I was going to have to watch Trump. 1.5102 0.03719 392 249 86 57
196 I was the president's former press secretary. What are you in here for? 1.5090 0.03666 387 242 93 52
197 If I knew there was no cable, I would have led a better life. 1.5090 0.03573 387 237 103 47
198 I used to make orientation videos like this. Now I see why I'm down here. 1.5090 0.03615 389 241 98 50
199 We only get the weather channel. 1.5090 0.03527 391 238 107 46
200 It’s what we get for watching Fox. 1.5078 0.03727 386 245 86 55
201 If this is all they've got, we might as well get back to sinning. 1.5065 0.03601 383 236 100 47
202 Apparently, that’s the forecast for the rest of eternity. 1.5065 0.03466 383 229 114 40
203 Brimstone is on after this 1.5065 0.03620 383 237 98 48
204 First time at Burning Man? 1.5065 0.03620 383 237 98 48
205 How ironic. Lots of nudity, but no cable. 1.5053 0.03709 376 236 90 50
206 When the sponsor break is over, it goes back to Fox News. 1.5053 0.03785 376 240 82 54
207 I know, it really feels like you're there. 1.5053 0.03559 378 230 105 43
208 You think this is bad, wait until he switches to the news. 1.5053 0.03637 378 234 97 47
209 I told you it was one of those timeshare scams. 1.5040 0.03629 371 228 99 44
210 It's not the same as being there. 1.5040 0.03713 373 234 90 49
211 No, it's not the orientation video...This IS Hell... 1.5040 0.03520 375 226 109 40
212 It’s the fork! Perfect picture everytime he stands there. 1.5040 0.03830 375 242 77 56
213 I guess we all thought hot singles in your area meant something very different. 1.5040 0.03625 377 233 98 46
214 I'm actually good with this. You know upstairs they are watching Sean Hannity. 1.5027 0.03766 366 231 86 49
215 Great, another "fireside chat." 1.5014 0.03647 363 223 98 42
216 This is the 8th circle. In the 9th circle you have to deal with the cable company. 1.5014 0.03750 363 228 88 47
217 No remote, no cable, and just one local station? I'll be damned. 1.5014 0.03911 365 238 71 56
218 So you voted for him too huh... 1.5014 0.03892 365 237 73 55
219 According to the orientation video, it’s a dry heat. 1.5000 0.03533 358 214 109 35
220 I bet you never thought you'd miss your cable company. 1.5000 0.03438 362 213 117 32
221 I know we lied, but setting our pants on fire seems petty. 1.4986 0.03692 357 221 94 42
222 Looks like another day of record temperatures. 1.4986 0.03649 357 219 98 40
223 This or Fox News, your choice. 1.4986 0.03892 353 227 76 50
224 Brimstone comes on after this. 1.4972 0.03779 354 223 86 45
225 At least we're not watching the Kardashians for eternity. 1.4972 0.03838 352 224 81 47
226 Everyone's relieved when they first arrive, but after it a while it gets to be as boring as hell. 1.4972 0.03731 352 219 91 42
227 I bet the One Percenters get to burn in HD. 1.4972 0.03817 352 223 83 46
228 The hottest places in Hell are now reserved for Congress, so it's standing room only in the waiting lounge. 1.4972 0.03709 352 218 93 41
229 Is anyone else a little cold? 1.4957 0.03733 349 217 91 41
230 And next month it's 'The Apprentice'. 1.4957 0.03777 349 219 87 43
231 This really isn't my idea of "Making Hell Great Again". 1.4957 0.03682 347 213 96 38
232 I don’t know why we even bother. The 7-day forecast has not changed in forever. 1.4957 0.03771 347 217 88 42
233 Great, another one of his crappy home movies... 1.4942 0.03796 344 216 86 42
234 Spoiler alert. 1.4942 0.03862 344 219 80 45
235 Here, we only get flames. For Fox News, you need to go down more levels. 1.4942 0.04096 344 230 58 56
236 This is a commercial. Otherwise it's Fox News, 24 /7. 1.4941 0.03760 340 211 90 39
237 With all the billionaires down here, you'd think they'd spring for a plasma. 1.4941 0.03760 340 211 90 39
238 No, the TRULY damned are in the real hell. We're VIRTUALLY damned. 1.4941 0.03919 340 218 76 46
239 The regular guy is out sick, so we're just watching a video today. 1.4926 0.03698 339 208 95 36
240 It's a repeat. 1.4925 0.03963 335 216 73 46
241 I’ve seen this one. Everyone dies in the end. 1.4910 0.03857 334 211 82 41
242 Better reception than I expected. 1.4910 0.03607 332 199 103 30
243 It will be a cold day in hell before we get cable down here. 1.4910 0.03779 332 206 89 37
244 Who the hell voted for the weather channel? 1.4909 0.03747 330 203 92 35
245 It could be worse, I hear in the next Circle down they have to watch Fox News! 1.4894 0.03812 331 207 86 38
246 This is just the preview for us new arrivals. In real Hell he makes you watch Fox News. 1.4894 0.04022 331 216 68 47
247 That's it? I should have had more fun. 1.4894 0.03883 331 210 80 41
248 I expected fire and brimstone, but “FOX and Friends” is overkill. 1.4893 0.03966 327 210 74 43
249 Don’t you think we can skip the instructional video? We all know why we are here. 1.4877 0.03705 326 199 95 32
250 The only other option was Fox News. 1.4877 0.03952 326 209 75 42
251 Look on the bright side—it's not PowerPoint. 1.4877 0.03830 326 204 85 37
252 I think the book is better. 1.4877 0.03904 326 207 79 40
253 These cooking shows are all the same. 1.4877 0.03806 326 203 87 36
254 No, it's just the orientation video. 1.4877 0.03855 326 205 83 38
255 Could be worse. Could be FOX News. 1.4877 0.04089 324 213 64 47
256 There are certain advantages to being in the overflow section. 1.4876 0.03764 322 198 91 33
257 They usually just make us watch Fox News. 1.4876 0.04224 322 217 53 52
258 I hear in Heaven they get Netflix. 1.4858 0.03961 317 202 76 39
259 Purgatory isn’t that bad, in Hell they have commercials. 1.4858 0.03911 317 200 80 37
260 He’s reducing his carbon footprint. 1.4842 0.03868 316 198 83 35
261 It used to be a loop of Trump's inauguration. 1.4842 0.03945 316 201 77 38
262 Make Hell Great Again 1.4842 0.04021 316 204 71 41
263 The real torture is that they hide the batteries for the remote 1.4842 0.03627 316 189 101 26
264 I think you're hot. 1.4840 0.03851 312 194 85 33
265 "You're fired" takes on a whole new meaning here, huh? 1.4821 0.03951 307 194 78 35
266 The cable guy's supposed to be here sometime between 8am and eternity. 1.4821 0.04084 307 199 68 40
267 That’s the point; there is no remote. 1.4821 0.03924 307 193 80 34
268 If the Bible had said there would be no remote for the TV, I'd have been in church every Sunday. 1.4821 0.03701 307 185 96 26
269 We've been ordered to watch re-runs of "The Apprentice". 1.4803 0.03841 304 188 86 30
270 I hate these timeshare presentations. 1.4785 0.04070 303 196 69 38
271 The First Circle gets cable. 1.4785 0.03878 303 189 83 31
272 Fox canceled it, but Hell picked it up for another season. 1.4785 0.03906 303 190 81 32
273 I thought the devil wore Prada. 1.4785 0.04097 303 197 67 39
274 Who has the remote? 1.4784 0.04064 301 194 70 37
275 Do you find the laugh track a little creepy? 1.4784 0.03953 301 190 78 33
276 The channel changer is in heaven. 1.4765 0.04230 298 198 58 42
277 One channel? This IS hell. 1.4765 0.04010 298 190 74 34
278 Could be worse. In the next circle they have to watch Fox News. 1.4762 0.04191 294 193 62 39
279 Its a shame fox is the only channel down here 1.4762 0.04301 294 197 54 43
280 I could have done without the orientation video. 1.4762 0.03934 294 184 80 30
281 If we're good, they let us watch the White House Press briefing. 1.4762 0.03993 294 186 76 32
282 It’s been a century, would it kill him to change it to the smoldering ember channel? 1.4762 0.04022 294 187 74 33
283 This is the orientation video. 1.4762 0.04022 294 187 74 33
284 For good intentions. You? 1.4746 0.04097 295 191 68 36
285 I thought the book was scarier. 1.4744 0.03914 293 183 81 29
286 You're lucky, he used to do a PowerPoint. 1.4744 0.04060 293 188 71 34
287 At least it won’t carry ads for erectile disfunction. 1.4744 0.04118 293 190 67 36
288 If you wanted cable, you should have led a better life. 1.4744 0.03914 293 183 81 29
289 I never thought I'd find myself praying for commercial breaks. 1.4740 0.03892 289 179 83 27
290 It's amazing we still get Fox News down here. 1.4740 0.04102 289 186 69 34
291 And that's the weather forecast forever. 1.4740 0.04102 289 186 69 34
292 I'm actually relieved. I thought we’d be watching cable news. 1.4740 0.03953 289 181 79 29
293 I saw this one before. It does not end well. 1.4740 0.03861 289 178 85 26
294 You can tell it's Fake Hell. If it were Real Hell, Fox News would be on tv. 1.4740 0.04302 289 193 55 41
295 Before the budget cuts we used to have real flames. 1.4722 0.04112 288 186 68 34
296 Told you they wouldn't have cable. 1.4718 0.03972 284 178 78 28
297 Black and white? This really is damnation. 1.4718 0.03844 284 174 86 24
298 The actual fire just made everyone uncomfortable. 1.4718 0.04034 284 180 74 30
299 I bet heaven gets cable. 1.4718 0.04125 284 183 68 33
300 He's worried about his carbon footprint 1.4700 0.04284 283 188 57 38
301 This is just the commercial. Fox News will be back in a minute. 1.4700 0.04075 283 181 71 31
302 If you think this fire safety video is out of date just wait until you see the sexual harassment orientation 1.4700 0.03981 283 178 77 28
303 If you wanted high def, you should have been a better person. 1.4700 0.03918 283 176 81 26
304 What kind of sin do you have to commit to get a real fire? 1.4700 0.03981 283 178 77 28
305 I’m amazed at the reception we get down here. 1.4700 0.04044 283 180 73 30
306 With so many lawyers here, HR insist on these health and safety videos. 1.4698 0.04188 281 183 64 34
307 You think this is hell? Wait until the pledge breaks every ten minutes. 1.4698 0.04157 281 182 66 33
308 Is it hot in here, or is it just you? 1.4698 0.04157 281 182 66 33
309 At least the Weather Channel is more accurate down here. 1.4695 0.03990 279 175 77 27
310 He's really been working on lowering his carbon footprint. 1.4674 0.04044 261 162 76 23
311 At least it's a break from Fox News. 1.4674 0.04118 276 177 69 30
312 The brochure promised it would be someplace really warm with clothing optional. 1.4672 0.03941 274 170 80 24
313 One channel and only a 27 inch screen? This is Hell! 1.4672 0.04108 274 175 70 29
314 It's a nice break from Fox News. 1.4672 0.04451 274 186 48 40
315 The only thing worse than Hell is watching re-runs of Hell. 1.4672 0.04042 274 173 74 27
316 You can ask, but I think this is the only channel they get. 1.4669 0.04227 272 177 63 32
317 Look on the bright side - at least its not the golf channel. 1.4669 0.04227 272 177 63 32
318 It’s an effort to reduce greenhouse gases... 1.4661 0.06100 118 74 33 11
319 Even Dante couldn't have imagined this circle of hell: no digital, no remote, and a single channel. 1.4649 0.04040 271 171 74 26
320 We're toast! 1.4647 0.04196 269 174 65 30
321 At Christmas, they put a yule log on. 1.4647 0.04229 269 175 63 31
322 I should have been suspicious when he promised I’d even get to spend eternity with an old flame. 1.4647 0.04261 269 176 61 32
323 So who is going to ask if we can change the channel? 1.4644 0.04014 267 167 76 24
324 This can't be Hell, there's no commercials. 1.4644 0.03943 267 165 80 22
325 This would be hell, but for the nudity. 1.4627 0.04273 268 176 60 32
326 Who the Hell's got the remote? 1.4624 0.04128 266 170 69 27
327 I agree, checking the weather before getting dressed makes sense. 1.4624 0.03988 266 166 77 23
328 I wish we could watch something besides the weather channel 1.4624 0.04059 266 168 73 25
329 The 'Shopping Network' comes on at 5. That's when the torture really begins. 1.4621 0.04116 264 168 70 26
330 Rumor has it the ninth circle is watching Trump on FOX twenty-four seven. 1.4618 0.04345 262 173 57 32
331 It froze over after the election. 1.4618 0.04345 262 173 57 32
332 It's just the opening graphics. Bill O'Reilly will be on in 60 seconds. 1.4618 0.04312 262 172 59 31
333 Welcome to the White House! 1.4618 0.04345 262 173 57 32
334 You're hot. 1.4612 0.04345 245 158 61 26
335 Wish they would hurry up with the orientation, I’m freezing out here. 1.4609 0.04245 256 165 64 27
336 I'm not sure this orientation video is necessary. 1.4598 0.04289 261 171 60 30
337 It's the same forecast everyday---hotter than hell. 1.4595 0.04279 259 169 61 29
338 It’s true, we only get FOX down here. 1.4595 0.04416 259 173 53 33
339 It's the Trump Channel, welcome to Hell. 1.4595 0.04313 259 170 59 30
340 The new fall line-up looks really hot. 1.4595 0.03797 259 156 87 16
341 I thought virtual hell was just an expression. 1.4595 0.04136 259 165 69 25
342 No cable, no flat screen ... this is hell. 1.4595 0.04279 259 169 61 29
343 The weather channel again? 1.4595 0.04172 259 166 67 26
344 I can't believe they're making us sit through previews for an eternity 1.4595 0.04172 259 166 67 26
345 It looks like freezing over is off the table. 1.4595 0.04243 259 168 63 28
346 How long have you been on the Republican campaign? 1.4595 0.04243 259 168 63 28
347 I told you Hell would be watching Fox all day. 1.4591 0.04510 257 174 48 35
348 Thank you for coming to hell. We hope you enjoy this informative preview of eternity. 1.4591 0.04338 257 169 58 30
349 I swear to God, if he shows us one more home movie— 1.4591 0.04373 257 170 56 31
350 I hear the next circle down watches "Hannity." 1.4574 0.04462 258 174 50 34
351 Personally, I'm in heaven right now. The reception here is way better than in my old apartment. 1.4570 0.03905 256 157 81 18
352 Of course there's only one channel--it's hell. 1.4570 0.04279 256 167 61 28
353 The brilliant part is that we each still get a cable bill. 1.4570 0.04243 256 166 63 27
354 He's in a good mood today. Usually, we have to watch C-SPAN. 1.4570 0.04315 256 168 59 29
355 The Democrats in the catacomb next door have to watch Fox News. 1.4570 0.04350 256 169 57 30
356 On Christmas we get to watch the yule log. 1.4567 0.04340 254 167 58 29
357 The repair guy gave us a window of noon to eternity. 1.4563 0.04292 252 164 61 27
358 The other channel runs political ads. 1.4563 0.04437 252 168 53 31
359 Art imitates afterlife. 1.4563 0.04365 252 166 57 29
360 When lunch break is over they turn it back to Fox News. 1.4563 0.04543 252 171 47 34
361 If we smack it on the side, do you think could get snow? 1.4563 0.04255 252 163 63 26
362 666 channels, and still nothing good on. 1.4563 0.04543 252 171 47 34
363 For a guy, not having the remote is really the most painful part... 1.4563 0.04255 252 163 63 26
364 This is hell, there is no remote. 1.4542 0.04229 251 162 64 25
365 Thank god they changed the channel, I really needed a break from all the bad news. 1.4542 0.04266 251 163 62 26
366 Maybe if we all peed at once.., 1.4542 0.04485 251 169 50 32
367 Hell of a show. 1.4542 0.04377 251 166 56 29
368 After the on-boarding video, I hear it's a continuous loop of Sean Hannity. 1.4538 0.04440 249 166 53 30
369 You think this is bad. Wait 'til he switches to "Hannity." 1.4538 0.04476 249 167 51 31
370 Did you work for Comcast too? 1.4538 0.04476 249 167 51 31
371 This reminds me of your 50th birthday, most of your friends are here too. 1.4534 0.04041 247 154 74 19
372 Wanna cool off? I've got a picture of water back at my place. 1.4534 0.04041 247 154 74 19
373 Oh, I've seen this inferno thousands of times; it goes on and on for, like, ever. 1.4534 0.04121 247 156 70 21
374 They call it Hell-a-vision. 1.4534 0.04392 247 163 56 28
375 What in Hell are we watching? 1.4534 0.04429 247 164 54 29
376 Fox & Friends will return after a brief word from our sponsor. 1.4534 0.04647 247 170 42 35
377 Sure, it's hot. But it's a dry heat. 1.4531 0.04342 245 160 59 26
378 I always figured hell’s cable would be set to Fox News 1.4531 0.04380 245 161 57 27
379 It's black and white and only three channels. Channel 6 FIRE, 66 BRIMSTONE, 666 FOX NEWS 1.4531 0.04640 245 168 43 34
380 At least we don't have to watch Fox and Friends. 1.4531 0.04419 245 162 55 28
381 If you think this is painful, wait until you see the commercials. 1.4508 0.04276 244 158 62 24
382 So what brings you here? 1.4508 0.04276 244 158 62 24
383 They call it Fox & Friends. 1.4508 0.04506 244 164 50 30
384 Trust me, just keep pretending you are really hot. It beats the alternative. 1.4505 0.06493 91 56 29 6
385 Thank God I remembered my glasses. 1.4504 0.04341 242 158 59 25
386 It’s either this or FOX. 1.4504 0.04496 242 162 51 29
387 I feel naked without my iPhone. 1.4504 0.04380 242 159 57 26
388 Shhh... The President is about to welcome us to Trump University Post Graduate School. 1.4504 0.04458 242 161 53 28
389 I hear in Purgatory they get cable. 1.4504 0.04221 242 155 65 22
390 Sorry, this is the only place that would host the 2020 Republican Convention. 1.4504 0.04609 242 165 45 32
391 One TV, no cable - this really is hell 1.4504 0.04180 242 154 67 21
392 I knew it, 'hell' is watching reality TV. 1.4504 0.04496 242 162 51 29
393 I had a feeling watching Fox News would be mandatory here. 1.4504 0.04646 242 166 43 33
394 I don't get too close because the radiation from those old TV sets can kill you. 1.4504 0.04341 242 158 59 25
395 It could be worse; the next circle down is the all Kardashian channel 1.4500 0.04446 240 159 54 27
396 The lawyers in the next room say a real fire is too much liability. 1.4500 0.04287 240 155 62 23
397 It’s the Christmas music that really gets to me. 1.4493 0.04592 227 151 50 26
398 He says we'll get a flat screen when heaven freezes over. 1.4481 0.04313 241 157 60 24
399 It only gets two channels ... this and Fox News. 1.4477 0.04459 239 159 53 27
400 I so hate orientation videos. 1.4477 0.04216 239 153 65 21
401 I hear season 2 is even hotter 1.4477 0.04498 239 160 51 28
402 I hear that he's out of brimstone, too. 1.4477 0.04298 239 155 61 23
403 The worst part is we still have to pay for the bundled phone service. 1.4477 0.04216 239 153 65 21
404 I know you're all disappointed, but we're making the switch to a more sustainable method of eternal damnation. 1.4477 0.04379 239 157 57 25
405 He just hasn't been the same since hell froze over. 1.4477 0.04379 239 157 57 25
406 Quit complaining, at least its not Fox News 1.4468 0.04555 235 158 49 28
407 And now, back to 'The Apprentice' 1.4468 0.04595 235 159 47 29
408 This is the part where he says, “You’re fired” 1.4468 0.04595 235 159 47 29
409 Yeah, it's been like this since we ran out of fossil fuels for the brimstone. 1.4468 0.04515 235 157 51 27
410 Ironically, it's the Yule Log. 1.4468 0.04474 235 156 53 26
411 You think this is bad? This time last week I was at Mar-a-Lago. 1.4464 0.04461 233 154 54 25
412 So, this is Trump TV. 1.4464 0.04584 233 157 48 28
413 We got naked for this? 1.4464 0.04419 233 153 56 24
414 Do you have any plans after the show? 1.4464 0.04461 233 154 54 25
415 I always hate the coming attractions. 1.4464 0.04335 233 151 60 22
416 I thought it would be a little more hands on. 1.4464 0.04205 233 148 66 19
417 I voted for Jill Stein in Michigan. Why are you here? 1.4440 0.04597 232 157 47 28
418 Hell, I hate reality TV. 1.4440 0.04474 232 154 53 25
419 Welcome to the United States Immigration Process. 1.4435 0.04460 230 152 54 24
420 “Naked and Afraid” is quite popular here. 1.4435 0.04330 230 149 60 21
421 " Has to be better than a Sarah Huckleberry Sanders News / Press Conference". 1.4435 0.04627 230 156 46 28
422 Spoiler Alert: It doesn't get better. 1.4435 0.04460 230 152 54 24
423 So, probably no wifi either... 1.4430 0.04313 228 147 61 20
424 I would’ve been more diligent if I’d known eternity was without cable. 1.4430 0.04313 228 147 61 20
425 We’ll have a real one when Trump gets here. 1.4430 0.04820 228 159 37 32
426 It's not the worst timeshare presentation I've been to. 1.4430 0.04445 228 150 55 23
427 Are all the TVs tuned to Fox? 1.4409 0.04826 220 152 39 29
428 I'm going to get some popcorn and forbidden fruit juice, you want anything? 1.4405 0.04279 227 146 62 19
429 He's had to give up using fossil fuels. 1.4405 0.04544 227 152 50 25
430 The only channel we can get is Fox. 1.4405 0.04754 227 157 40 30
431 This is just the warm up. 1.4405 0.04369 227 148 58 21
432 I'm just relieved that it's not Fox News 1.4405 0.04458 227 150 54 23
433 Great. We finally get a TV down here and he leaves it set on the Yule log channel. 1.4405 0.04629 227 154 46 27
434 C'mon, rabbit ears? I really am in Hell. 1.4405 0.04501 227 151 52 24
435 Oh, Hell. Eternal reruns. 1.4405 0.04671 227 155 44 28
436 a nice fire, enjoying it in the nude----this must be heaven. 1.4405 0.04458 227 150 54 23
437 I hate when the previews give everything away. 1.4405 0.04234 227 145 64 18
438 At least it's not a White House press briefing. 1.4405 0.04544 227 152 50 25
439 When we get to the next layer, they read us his tweets. 1.4405 0.04587 227 153 48 26
440 What! No cable! Oh hell! 1.4405 0.04458 227 150 54 23
441 Wait til the millennials get here and don't know what horizontal hold is. 1.4400 0.04530 225 150 51 24
442 Heeeyyy ... the women have breasts but none of the men have penises! This MUST be Hell! 1.4400 0.04530 225 150 51 24
443 Well, at least it's not "Roseanne". 1.4395 0.04734 223 153 42 28
444 "I'm going to Korea" he said. "What could go wrong" he said... 1.4395 0.04560 223 149 50 24
445 This does seem pretty severe for using my neighbors Netflix account. 1.4395 0.04470 223 147 54 22
446 Why do we even bother watching the weather channel? 1.4395 0.04515 223 148 52 23
447 This orientation video is so boring. I wish they'd just let us in. 1.4389 0.04590 221 148 49 24
448 He calls it reality TV. 1.4389 0.04590 221 148 49 24
449 Considering where we are, I would have expected Fox and Friends. 1.4389 0.04766 221 152 41 28
450 666 channels and nothin' on. 1.4389 0.04407 221 144 57 20
451 What’d I miss. 1.4389 0.04499 221 146 53 22
452 Coming attractions. 1.4364 0.04420 220 144 56 20
453 If I had known there was no cable, I would have been a better person. 1.4364 0.04558 220 147 50 23
454 And we still have to pay $149 a month for it. 1.4364 0.04420 220 144 56 20
455 What are you doing after orientation? 1.4358 0.04400 218 142 57 19
456 Hannity's up next! 1.4358 0.04680 218 148 45 25
457 Six hundred and sixty-six channels and nothing on 1.4358 0.04769 218 150 41 27
458 If I knew this was it, I would have cheated on my wife and my taxes. 1.4358 0.04589 218 146 49 23
459 The damned today are so detached from perdition. Back in the day, we had to stand IN the flames. 1.4358 0.04634 218 147 47 24
460 Apparently new regulations force them to show us this instructional video before they get to the actual burning. 1.4358 0.04448 218 143 55 20
461 I hear the Fifth Circle has a flat screen. 1.4352 0.04666 216 146 46 24
462 Has anyone tried changing the channel? 1.4352 0.04380 216 140 58 18
463 Wow. Looks like we left Earth just in time. 1.4352 0.04619 216 145 48 23
464 We're in hell's the remote? 1.4352 0.04666 216 146 46 24
465 I heard that in the seventh circle, they have it tuned to Fox News. 1.4352 0.04757 216 148 42 26
466 No cable and it’s black and white. This place is worse than I thought. 1.4352 0.04477 216 142 54 20
467 I heard the people upstairs have Netflix. 1.4352 0.04572 216 144 50 22
468 I honestly thought it would be warmer. 1.4352 0.04525 216 143 52 21
469 And you said there was no way in hell anybody could cancel Comcast. 1.4352 0.04666 216 146 46 24
470 I hate reality shows. 1.4352 0.04525 216 143 52 21
471 You think this is torture? It's just the screensaver before Fox News comes on. 1.4352 0.04666 216 146 46 24
472 You'd think the the first circle would have better reception. 1.4352 0.04331 216 139 60 17
473 I expected no hope, not no cable. 1.4346 0.04836 214 148 39 27
474 Whoa! I didn't know The New Yorker could show boobs. 1.4346 0.04790 214 147 41 26
475 Hot and naked? I think I've died and gone to heaven. 1.4346 0.04507 214 141 53 20
476 Since they outsourced hell, the punishment hasn't been the same. 1.4346 0.04603 214 143 49 22
477 At least it's a dry heat. 1.4346 0.04507 214 141 53 20
478 Safety video. Oh he's good. 1.4346 0.04555 214 142 51 21
479 I was worried it would be tuned to Fox News. 1.4346 0.04790 214 147 41 26
480 This is it? No clothes. No cable. 1.4346 0.04507 214 141 53 20
481 You would think the Prince of Darkness could afford a flat screen. 1.4338 0.04617 219 148 47 24
482 It's a prequel to Dante. 1.4319 0.04520 213 141 52 20
483 I would have lived a better life if I knew there was no cable 1.4319 0.04759 213 146 42 25
484 I guess in this case ending up in the overflow room isn't so bad. 1.4319 0.04421 213 139 56 18
485 Is it just me, or does it seem like this show lasts for an eternity? 1.4319 0.04520 213 141 52 20
486 He won't get cable—something about Comcast being too evil. 1.4319 0.04805 213 147 40 26
487 'No cable? Yes, we are in hell' 1.4319 0.04520 213 141 52 20
488 I should have guessed the first abomination of hell would be an orientation video. 1.4319 0.04805 213 147 40 26
489 I was dying to see this show. Now I’m not so sure. 1.4319 0.04520 213 141 52 20
490 I like it better on screen than in person... 1.4319 0.04569 213 142 50 21
491 I'm just thankful this is my last orientation meeting ever. 1.4313 0.04600 211 141 49 21
492 The rules for these White House press briefings have become humiliating. 1.4313 0.05022 211 150 31 30
493 Yes, we’ve been waiting forever for the cable guy to get here. 1.4313 0.04885 211 147 37 27
494 I knew I’d run into some old flames down here but this is ridiculous. 1.4313 0.04450 211 138 55 18
495 I hear heaven has HD and flat screens. 1.4313 0.04600 211 141 49 21
496 He says this is the largest audience, period. 1.4313 0.04551 211 140 51 20
497 Welcome to Heck. 1.4313 0.04649 211 142 47 22
498 ...and every day from 6 to 9 he makes us stand here and watch Fox News. 1.4313 0.04600 211 141 49 21
499 Forecast calls for flame. 1.4313 0.04450 211 138 55 18
500 I didn’t see seasons one through six-thousand, but it’s surprisingly easy to follow. 1.4313 0.04697 211 143 45 23
501 We're reducing our carbon footprint. 1.4306 0.04581 209 139 50 20
502 It froze over. 1.4306 0.04826 209 144 40 25
503 A black and white portable with rabbit ears! Welcome to hell. 1.4306 0.04826 209 144 40 25
504 It's a closed circuit feed. The main room is full. Not that I'm complaining. 1.4306 0.04581 209 139 50 20
505 For real? The Weather Channel. 1.4306 0.04480 209 137 54 18
506 Breaking News: Global warming is not fake news. 1.4306 0.04873 209 145 38 26
507 Coincidentally, I think I'm here because of a night a lot like this one. 1.4300 0.04812 207 142 41 24
508 The book's better. 1.4300 0.04562 207 137 51 19
509 All they play down here is election coverage. 1.4300 0.04458 207 135 55 17
510 Whatever you do, don't fart. 1.4300 0.04613 207 138 49 20
511 It was this or The 700 Club. 1.4286 0.04947 210 148 34 28
512 Welcome to orientation. 1.4286 0.04712 210 143 44 23
513 I hear in the 7th circle of hell they put the flames to accordion music. 1.4272 0.04827 206 142 40 24
514 I thought there'd be more gays. 1.4272 0.04575 206 137 50 19
515 I dare you to change it to the Snow Channel 1.4272 0.04728 206 140 44 22
516 Casual Fryday. 1.4270 0.04764 185 122 47 16
517 It really doesn't compare to experiencing it live. 1.4265 0.04762 204 139 43 22
518 It feels like we’ve had to watch this for an eternity. 1.4265 0.04659 204 137 47 20
519 I’ve heard the 2nd season sucks. 1.4265 0.04812 204 140 41 23
520 Rabbit ears, really?!?! You'd think there'd be at least one cable installer down here. 1.4265 0.04711 204 138 45 21
521 In Life, I had 100s of channels to watch and no friends. Now, I have one and I'm surrounded by naked people. Despite eternal damnation, I consider this a win." 1.4265 0.04762 204 139 43 22
522 The real punishment is that there's no remote. 1.4265 0.04812 204 140 41 23
523 What did I miss? 1.4265 0.04607 204 136 49 19
524 The reception down here is surprisingly good. 1.4265 0.04607 204 136 49 19
525 He said it might not be the hell we want but it's the hell we all deserve 1.4257 0.04586 202 134 50 18
526 Too bad we can't clear this place out by yelling 'fire'. 1.4257 0.04477 202 132 54 16
527 I should have had WAY more fun up there. 1.4257 0.04796 202 138 42 22
528 Maybe Hell is not being able to change the channel. 1.4257 0.04639 202 135 48 19
529 I asked him to change the channel but all he said was “Hell, no!” 1.4250 0.04672 200 134 47 19
530 Oh no, he's making us watch another one of his crappy home videos. 1.4250 0.04508 200 131 53 16
531 Wow, I wish I'd known we were only in for virtual hell. 1.4250 0.04452 200 130 55 15
532 It only picks up local programming. 1.4249 0.04850 193 131 42 20
533 Who knew that the cable companies were owned and operated by Satan. 1.4221 0.04632 199 133 48 18
534 Rabbit ears! The Time Warner merger must have gone through. 1.4221 0.04521 199 131 52 16
535 You want HDTV? Where the Hell do yo think you are? 1.4221 0.04687 199 134 46 19
536 Is this supposed to be actual or virtual Hell? 1.4221 0.04740 199 135 44 20
537 For how much longer do you think Satan is going to make us watch this Trump press conference? 1.4221 0.04846 199 137 40 22
538 Oh I’ve seen it before, it’s the re-run from Hell. 1.4221 0.04687 199 134 46 19
539 Why did we have to get naked for this? 1.4221 0.04577 199 132 50 17
540 It's a decent adaptation but I thought the book was better. 1.4221 0.04465 199 130 54 15
541 It's just the coming attractions. 1.4221 0.04521 199 131 52 16
542 They're trying to lower their carbon footprint. 1.4221 0.04794 199 136 42 21
543 This is the waiting room. He thinks it's funny. 1.4221 0.04577 199 132 50 17
544 I hate this episode. 1.4221 0.04794 199 136 42 21
545 Trust me, it's better than live. 1.4213 0.04775 197 134 43 20
546 The Fox and Friends Marathon is next! 1.4213 0.05191 197 142 27 28
547 We used to wanna watch Fox News. Now we have to. 1.4213 0.05039 197 139 33 25
548 It will really be hell if they start showing Roseanne re-runs. 1.4213 0.05039 197 139 33 25
549 Orientation video 1.4213 0.04720 197 133 45 19
550 Hell Inc. has been ordered to reduce it's carbon footprint. 1.4213 0.04553 197 130 51 16
551 I heard this is just the warm-up--we watch Fox News for the rest of eternity. 1.4213 0.05090 197 140 31 26
552 We get to watch this whenever this place ‘freezes over. 1.4213 0.04665 197 132 47 18
553 My favorite flame is coming up next! It has a little tinge of green to it. 1.4213 0.04495 197 129 53 15
554 That's just the coming attraction. 1.4213 0.04553 197 130 51 16
555 There are a lot more white people here than I was expecting. 1.4205 0.04972 195 136 36 23
556 If I had known how backwards the TV programming and technology are down here, I would have thought twice about coveting you. 1.4205 0.04348 195 125 58 12
557 Do we have to stand through the entire orientation? 1.4205 0.04810 195 133 42 20
558 And, he's got the remote for eternity! 1.4205 0.04865 176 117 44 15
559 No, it's too late to say you believe in global warming now. 1.4200 0.04559 200 133 50 17
560 At first, Fox News was on, but then the Devil thought it was too much for him. 1.4197 0.04956 193 134 37 22
561 Honestly? Not the worst house warming party I’ve been to... 1.4197 0.04439 193 125 55 13
562 I thought I was safe. I voted for Hilary. 1.4197 0.04790 193 131 43 19
563 It'll be a cold day in hell before we get cable. 1.4197 0.04901 193 133 39 21
564 There's a special place in Hell for hogging the remote. 1.4192 0.04701 198 134 45 19
565 It's nice to have a break from the brimstone channel. 1.4192 0.04591 198 132 49 17
566 Zenith. How ironic. 1.4167 0.04748 192 130 44 18
567 Don't tell me how it ends. 1.4167 0.04632 192 128 48 16
568 It was either this or reruns of The Apprentice. 1.4167 0.04805 192 131 42 19
569 I knew it! All RERUNS! 1.4167 0.04861 192 132 40 20
570 So listen up! All that "fire and brimstone" stuff -- fake news. 1.4167 0.04972 192 134 36 22
571 Because real flames are a fire hazard. 1.4167 0.04690 192 129 46 17
572 The word is we're getting cable when hell freezes over. 1.4167 0.04632 192 128 48 16
573 Remember when you said......"it would be a cold day in hell. 1.4167 0.04632 192 128 48 16
574 Next time let ME pick the resort. 1.4161 0.05311 149 100 36 13
575 The other channel is brimstone. 1.4158 0.04955 190 132 37 21
576 I hear that in the Ninth Circle it's Fox and Friends 24-7 1.4158 0.05228 190 137 27 26
577 I brought the marshmallows. Just need to borrow his fork. 1.4158 0.04841 190 130 41 19
578 Hell froze over a while back and the reception has been terrible ever since. 1.4158 0.04841 190 130 41 19
579 Brimstone comes on next. 1.4149 0.04638 188 125 48 15
580 It gets worse. This is just orientation. 1.4149 0.04577 188 124 50 14
581 I didn't expect an orientation video. 1.4149 0.04819 188 128 42 18
582 I heard the price of real fire and brimstone has gone through the roof. 1.4149 0.04759 188 127 44 17
583 Well, at least Hannity's not on. 1.4149 0.04759 188 127 44 17
584 It's only heaven if you were Norwegian. 1.4140 0.04915 186 128 39 19
585 At least it's not Fox & Friends. 1.4140 0.04734 186 125 45 16
586 These orientation videos are always so predictable. 1.4140 0.04417 186 120 55 11
587 Where's Donald? 1.4140 0.05032 186 130 35 21
588 Trump decided all the TVs have to play Fox News. 1.4140 0.04974 186 129 37 20
589 At Christmastime there's a log on the fire. 1.4140 0.04610 186 123 49 14
590 I know it's just an orientation video, but I pictured things being much more hellish. 1.4140 0.04734 186 125 45 16
591 In heaven, they have flat screen tvs and cable. 1.4140 0.04855 186 127 41 18
592 Do you think God knows that Satan is using His Netflix account? 1.4122 0.05585 148 103 29 16
593 At least they let me keep my Glasses... 1.4118 0.04689 170 111 48 11
594 Isn't this Scandinavian heaven? 1.4109 0.05887 129 89 27 13
595 Whaddya say we skip the orientation and just go straight in? 1.4108 0.04687 185 124 46 15
596 Should I ask him to change the damned channel? 1.4108 0.04624 185 123 48 14
597 We got naked to watch this? 1.4108 0.04991 185 129 36 20
598 Don’t forget the camera adds 400 degrees. 1.4108 0.04811 185 126 42 17
599 I'm so glad that we can get Fox News down here. 1.4108 0.05049 185 130 34 21
600 I liked the book better. 1.4108 0.04871 185 127 40 18
601 Isn't that our old Zenith? 1.4108 0.04811 185 126 42 17
602 Don’t worry, these orientation videos always make things out to be way worse than they really are. 1.4108 0.04560 185 122 50 13
603 You come here often? 1.4108 0.04495 185 121 52 12
604 Even in Hell you can't escape the news from the White House. 1.4108 0.04991 185 129 36 20
605 The cable repair window is between 8 am and eternity. 1.4108 0.04811 185 126 42 17
606 Wait until you see the Brimstone channel! 1.4108 0.04931 185 128 38 19
607 Is it hot down here, or is it you? 1.4104 0.05115 173 120 35 18
608 Really? Virtual Hell? 1.4098 0.04847 183 125 41 17
609 It's Fox News 24-7. 1.4098 0.05320 183 133 25 25
610 Everybody naked and watching tv instead of an orgy? What kind of hell is this? 1.4098 0.04847 183 125 41 17
611 Seriously ? A review of fire safety regs for new arrivals ! 1.4098 0.04722 183 123 45 15
612 Oh, really? I worked for Fox News too! 1.4098 0.04722 183 123 45 15
613 The cable guy is scheduled to arrive between 9 a.m. and eternity. Until then, we only get public access channels. 1.4098 0.05030 183 128 35 20
614 Wait...you worked at Fox too? 1.4098 0.04909 183 126 39 18
615 Only one channel, this really is hell. 1.4098 0.04847 183 125 41 17
616 How can the heat wave be 'breaking news' every day? 1.4098 0.04722 183 123 45 15
617 Things sure have changed since Roger Ailes arrived. 1.4098 0.04460 183 119 53 11
618 Just our luck, a hemorrhoid commercial on a loop for all eternity. 1.4098 0.04722 183 123 45 15
619 I hate these mandatory HR trainings. 1.4098 0.04722 183 123 45 15
620 Welcome to the "Hell For Dummies" workshop. 1.4098 0.04785 183 124 43 16
621 I heard it's been renewed for another ten million seasons. 1.4098 0.04722 183 123 45 15
622 It could be worse.... in the 3rd Circle, they make them watch Fox News 24/7! 1.4098 0.04970 183 127 37 19
623 No! I did NOT touch your ass! 1.4088 0.04947 181 125 38 18
624 And then the Brimstones are on at 8. 1.4088 0.04885 181 124 40 17
625 He said reruns of "The Apprentice" start in half an hour. 1.4088 0.04947 181 125 38 18
626 It's a sting. The invitation said "swingers" weekend. 1.4088 0.05070 181 127 34 20
627 I dare you to change the channel 1.4088 0.04758 181 122 44 15
628 It's really hell when you don't have cable. 1.4088 0.04693 181 121 46 14
629 Heaven has cable. 1.4088 0.04947 181 125 38 18
630 I'll be damned, I always thought this is where Fox News was born. 1.4088 0.04885 181 124 40 17
631 I can't believe it's only Monday--feels like an eternity. 1.4088 0.04822 181 123 42 16
632 Be grateful; I hear in the ninth circle they make them watch THE NEWS. 1.4088 0.05009 181 126 36 19
633 Damned right this is hell. That's a Sony Trinitron from 1996. 1.4088 0.04758 181 122 44 15
634 Including my last marriage, this is my second virtual hell. 1.4088 0.04693 181 121 46 14
635 Hey, we're lucky. It's usually Fox & Friends. 1.4088 0.04885 181 124 40 17
636 I really like his devil-may-care attitude. 1.4088 0.04822 181 123 42 16
637 Analogue?! Now I know it’s hell. 1.4080 0.05091 174 121 35 18
638 He calls it singe-watching. 1.4078 0.04859 179 122 41 16
639 Analog TV and no remote? I guess you're right, we are in hell. 1.4078 0.04987 179 124 37 18
640 Reality TV...? This really is hell. 1.4078 0.04923 179 123 39 17
641 It wouldn't be hell without reruns. 1.4078 0.05049 179 125 35 19
642 I hear they have premium cable in Heaven. 1.4078 0.04923 179 123 39 17
643 My definition of hell has always been losing the remote 1.4078 0.04987 179 124 37 18
644 Welcome to Phoenix. Where are you from? 1.4078 0.05232 179 128 29 22
645 After orientation, do you want to get a drink? 1.4078 0.05172 179 127 31 21
646 'Serves us right for answering that "free vacation" robo call.' 1.4078 0.04661 179 119 47 13
647 This must be hell, I've seen this episode like a hundred times. 1.4068 0.04764 177 119 44 14
648 There's nothing but reality TV down here. 1.4068 0.04696 177 118 46 13
649 Orientation is always so awkward 1.4068 0.04558 177 116 50 11
650 ...and, thanks to relaxed EPA regulations, BRIMSTONE IS BACK! 1.4068 0.05027 177 123 36 18
651 Somehow I thought watching TV with our clothes off would be more fun. 1.4068 0.04962 177 122 38 17
652 Im hoping its fake news 1.4068 0.05027 177 123 36 18
653 Well, I always did think that whole "flames of hell" thing was allegorical. 1.4068 0.04897 177 121 40 16
654 I TOLD you not to vote for him! Welcome to hell! 1.4068 0.05027 177 123 36 18
655 You expected more than one channel? 1.4068 0.04831 177 120 42 15
656 Last week they made us watch the news. 1.4068 0.04696 177 118 46 13
657 No high-def? What the hell? 1.4068 0.04897 177 121 40 16
658 He has the remote, but God has the batteries. 1.4068 0.05027 177 123 36 18
659 Who knew they'd make you watch a video tutorial on how to suffer eternal damnation? 1.4068 0.04831 177 120 42 15
660 So, you're into fashion and high-definition cable TV. Welcome to hell. 1.4034 0.04779 176 119 43 14
661 Tomorrow's weather forecast. 1.4034 0.04642 176 117 47 12
662 Black and white. No remote. No cable. This is going to be hell. 1.4034 0.04847 176 120 41 15
663 Thank Heavens we still get the Weather Channel down here. 1.4034 0.04779 176 119 43 14
664 Welcome to a kindler, gentler Hell. 1.4034 0.04571 176 116 49 11
665 Well, we know where the remote ISN'T… 1.4034 0.04779 176 119 43 14
666 Amazing how far Trump's budget cuts are reaching. 1.4034 0.05108 176 124 33 19
667 I always thought the flames of Hell would be painful, but painfully boring might be worse. 1.4034 0.04642 176 117 47 12
668 He's getting soft ... it is usually Fox News. 1.4034 0.04847 176 120 41 15
669 It's not working. I still feel cold. 1.4034 0.04500 176 115 51 10
670 At least we don't have to watch slides from his vacation. 1.4034 0.04642 176 117 47 12
671 After seeing the Sistine chapel, this is not at all what I was expecting. 1.4034 0.04979 176 122 37 17
672 Hopefully this video will answer all your burning questions. 1.4034 0.05233 176 126 29 21
673 But in high def, you think you can feel the heat. 1.4034 0.04711 176 118 45 13
674 I feel like we’ve been watching the same show for an eternity. 1.4034 0.05044 176 123 35 18
675 The only other channel they get down here is Fox News. 1.4034 0.05171 176 125 31 20
676 Come here often ? 1.4034 0.04779 176 119 43 14
677 You're right. It is worse in Washington. 1.4034 0.04979 176 122 37 17
678 Remember how we used to see snow when the signal was bad... 1.4034 0.04278 176 112 57 7
679 I've seen this show before, believe me it doesn't end well. 1.4034 0.04847 176 120 41 15
680 Sean Hannity must be on vacation. 1.4034 0.05171 176 125 31 20
681 It's his new show 'As the World Burns'. It's the hottest thing on Hellavision. 1.4023 0.04817 174 118 42 14
682 Do you think this was shot on location? 1.4023 0.04885 174 119 40 15
683 These old TVs, they only get local stations. 1.4023 0.04953 174 120 38 16
684 At least we don’t have to hear about Trump’s tweets anymore 1.4023 0.05085 174 122 34 18
685 It's a repeat. 1.4023 0.05019 174 121 36 17
686 Ugh, another time share presentation. 1.4023 0.04953 174 120 38 16
687 I hope the torture isn’t as medieval as the technology. 1.4015 0.05623 137 95 29 13
688 At least it’s not Hannity. 1.4012 0.05127 172 121 33 18
689 Christmas he changes it to the Yule Log Show. 1.4012 0.04855 172 117 41 14
690 A black and white Zenith with rabbit ears and no remote! What more hell can we endure? 1.4012 0.05060 172 120 35 17
691 The Devil does not wear Prada - welcome to reality TV 1.4012 0.04993 172 119 37 16
692 I hear the coffee's still room temperature 1.4012 0.04491 172 112 51 9
693 Spoiler alert: it gets worse 1.4012 0.04855 172 117 41 14
694 This show seems like an eternity. 1.4012 0.04784 172 116 43 13
695 Don't worry. It is fake news! 1.4012 0.04924 172 118 39 15
696 Have you seen the remote? 1.4012 0.04993 172 119 37 16
697 You would think he could afford cable. 1.4012 0.04640 172 114 47 11
698 The first class assholes get rooms with real fire. 1.4012 0.04993 172 119 37 16
699 This isn't so bad. I'm actually kind of glad I killed my mother-in-law now. 1.4012 0.05060 172 120 35 17
700 TV is fine, but it doesn't really capture the live experience, does it? 1.4012 0.04784 172 116 43 13
701 Rabbit ears. We really are damned. 1.4012 0.05193 172 122 31 19
702 It's not eternal... it's just a loop. 1.4012 0.04491 172 112 51 9
703 And he lets us stay up as late as we want. 1.4000 0.04675 170 113 46 11
704 Eh, the book was better 1.4000 0.04675 170 113 46 11
705 Glad we made it out of the US... 1.4000 0.05102 170 119 34 17
706 It doesn't have quite the same effect, but I hear he's saving a fortune on gas. 1.4000 0.04749 170 114 44 12
707 I love this scene. 1.4000 0.04822 170 115 42 13
708 I TOLD you Fox news was going to burn in hell. 1.4000 0.05237 170 121 30 19
709 Black and white! Tube! Rabbit ears! Is there no end to their cruelty? 1.3988 0.04969 173 120 37 16
710 Rabbit ears and analog. We really ARE in Hell! 1.3988 0.04933 168 115 39 14
711 Don't blame me. I voted for Hillary. 1.3988 0.05349 168 121 27 20
712 Ive seen this one. 1.3988 0.05076 168 117 35 16
713 All we ever get is the Fireplace Channel. 1.3988 0.05214 168 119 31 18
714 We must be in the overflow room. 1.3988 0.05005 168 116 37 15
715 Turns out the only actual burning down here is the chlamydia. 1.3964 0.05051 169 118 35 16
716 I would have been a better person if I knew I’d be stuck watching standard definition for eternity. 1.3952 0.04876 167 114 40 13
717 Another orientation video? You've got to be kidding me. 1.3952 0.04726 167 112 44 11
718 It’s still better than ‘Keeping Up With The Karashians’. 1.3952 0.05302 167 120 28 19
719 I guess we're all about to feel the burn. 1.3952 0.04876 167 114 40 13
720 The only other channel is Fox News. 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
721 I never thought I would miss ads for hemorrhoid cream. 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
722 Don't worry. The camera adds 100 degrees. 1.3952 0.04950 167 115 38 14
723 I love movie night. 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
724 It was either this or reruns of The Apprentice. 1.3952 0.05302 167 120 28 19
725 Hey, turns out there really is a special place in hell for people who spoil movies! 1.3952 0.05022 167 116 36 15
726 I can’t believe we have to watch a safety video first. 1.3952 0.05022 167 116 36 15
727 The devil just said, "What you see on the screen is virtual hell. The real hell is other people." 1.3952 0.05093 167 117 34 16
728 I guess they were right. There is a special place in Hell for TV Satellite executives. 1.3952 0.05022 167 116 36 15
729 At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I'm a little disappointed. 1.3952 0.04726 167 112 44 11
730 What's puzzling me is the nature of his game. 1.3952 0.05093 167 117 34 16
731 Damn it! I've seen this one. 1.3952 0.04571 167 110 48 9
732 Welcome, contestants, to the final season of "Survivor'. 1.3952 0.05093 167 117 34 16
733 Why does he always get to choose the channel? 1.3952 0.04802 167 113 42 12
734 I knew Hell would be a timeshare presentation. 1.3952 0.05502 167 123 22 22
735 Seriously, the overflow room? The old TV, the crowding. It's all going in my Yelp review. 1.3952 0.05022 167 116 36 15
736 And the phones are rotary. 1.3952 0.04802 167 113 42 12
737 No cable, no high-definition, no big screen, no remote. This is hell. 1.3952 0.05302 167 120 28 19
738 Fancy seeing an old flame here. 1.3952 0.05093 167 117 34 16
739 Watching the fireplace channel for eternity may be hell, but it sure beats watching Trump. 1.3952 0.04876 167 114 40 13
740 I know his art films seem bad, but trust me, his poetry is the real torture. 1.3952 0.04726 167 112 44 11
741 The first season was better. 1.3952 0.04876 167 114 40 13
742 Wait, everyone here was a Nielsen family? Small world, isn't it! 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
743 Could be worse. I heard Circle Nine only gets Fox News. 1.3939 0.05348 165 119 27 19
744 It kinda takes the fun out of all of us being naked. 1.3939 0.05348 165 119 27 19
745 It’s okay, I guess. I just wish it was more like the book. 1.3939 0.04840 165 112 41 12
746 Isn't this a rerun? 1.3939 0.04991 165 114 37 14
747 Rabbit ear antenna, we must be in Hell! 1.3939 0.04991 165 114 37 14
748 Network TV and Rabbit Ears! This Is Hell! 1.3939 0.05208 165 117 31 17
749 I hate reality TV. 1.3939 0.05278 165 118 29 18
750 Only one channel? This is Hell! 1.3939 0.05136 165 116 33 16
751 Shortest orientation I've ever seen 1.3935 0.05298 155 109 31 15
752 I didn't think hell would be so... ironic. 1.3926 0.05181 163 115 32 16
753 The program is okay but nobody can act to save their soul. 1.3926 0.05181 163 115 32 16
754 This is a rerun, the real fire went out centuries ago. 1.3926 0.05107 163 114 34 15
755 No wonder this Airbnb was so cheap. 1.3926 0.05253 163 116 30 17
756 It may cost me an eternity, but I still say, "The book was better". 1.3926 0.05107 163 114 34 15
757 Well I’ll be damned... Rabbit Ears! 1.3926 0.05253 163 116 30 17
758 I think it's a rerun. 1.3926 0.04722 163 109 44 10
759 Looks like they have Comcast down here, too. 1.3926 0.05181 163 115 32 16
760 It's worse than I imagined! No color, no sound, no cable. 1.3926 0.05107 163 114 34 15
761 It's fake news — that's all we get down here. 1.3926 0.05107 163 114 34 15
762 Hi, I'm Phil. I like to think of myself as a devil may care sort of guy. 1.3926 0.04879 163 111 40 12
763 I murdered my entire family for this? 1.3926 0.05253 163 116 30 17
764 I can take the heat, but these White House press conferences are murder. 1.3926 0.05395 163 118 26 19
765 I agree, pledge week is torture. 1.3926 0.04879 163 111 40 12
766 I got burned on a similar time-share two years ago. 1.3916 0.04892 166 114 39 13
767 On Tuesdays we get reruns of 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo'. 1.3913 0.05226 161 114 31 16
768 I sure hope that’s just a TV Yule log !! 1.3913 0.05585 161 119 21 21
769 This is not how I pictured it. 1.3913 0.04759 161 108 43 10
770 So, it really is just other people. 1.3913 0.05300 161 115 29 17
771 Travelogs always make the place look way better then it is. 1.3913 0.05075 161 112 35 14
772 We're okay. You can tell this is only Purgatory. No advertisements. 1.3913 0.05151 161 113 33 15
773 Due to budget cuts you must watch Hell instead of living in it 1.3913 0.04920 161 110 39 12
774 When I said those fireplace videos were my version of Hell I didn't think anyone was listening. 1.3913 0.04920 161 110 39 12
775 It's The Sean Hannity Show. 24/7 for Eternity. 1.3913 0.05444 161 117 25 19
776 Brimstone is not nearly as frightening in black-and-white. 1.3913 0.04920 161 110 39 12
777 I missed last week’s episode; what happened? 1.3913 0.05075 161 112 35 14
778 we're in analog hell... 1.3913 0.05372 161 116 27 18
779 This is the hellfire...Hannity's on at 9:00 for the brimstone. 1.3913 0.04840 161 109 41 11
780 That damn pitchfork is screwing up the reception 1.3913 0.04759 161 108 43 10
781 Limited channels, but excellent reception. 1.3913 0.04998 161 111 37 13
782 To be fair it’s his first film, but I agree it’s a little obvious. 1.3913 0.04920 161 110 39 12
783 What do you say we slip out for a cold one? 1.3913 0.04998 161 111 37 13
784 At least in purgatory we had high definition. 1.3902 0.04454 164 107 50 7
785 Well, I'll be damned --- the cooking channel! 1.3899 0.04961 159 109 38 12
786 Yes, in fact I did play the devil's advocate...I was an attorney for Donald Trump. 1.3899 0.05040 159 110 36 13
787 They say this is the birthplace of reality TV. 1.3899 0.05347 159 114 28 17
788 The screen-saver from Hell 1.3899 0.05196 159 112 32 15
789 Rabbit ears and a CRT? What kind of a hell-hole is this anyways? 1.3899 0.04961 159 109 38 12
790 Damn. Another infernal commercial. 1.3899 0.05196 159 112 32 15
791 You were a co-host of 'Fox and Friends,' too? 1.3899 0.05347 159 114 28 17
792 For $19.95 a month, you get 666 channels. 1.3899 0.05040 159 110 36 13
793 I guess this is the origin of that fireplace log video. 1.3899 0.05040 159 110 36 13
794 The Weather Report says it will be hot as hell tomorrow 1.3899 0.05196 159 112 32 15
795 It's pretty much the same forecast every day. 1.3899 0.04629 159 105 46 8
796 They say the camera adds 10 degrees 1.3899 0.05040 159 110 36 13
797 You must be new here, we haven't had real fire since 2013. Now we just stream Netflix and and chill. 1.3899 0.04961 159 109 38 12
798 I hear in heaven they're watching The Ten Commandments. 1.3899 0.05272 159 113 30 16
799 I know this is important, but I wonder if you're busy later. 1.3899 0.04798 159 107 42 10
800 They’ve lost some of the ambiance, but it’s much better for air quality. 1.3893 0.05793 131 93 25 13
801 They do switch to Hannity at 10. 1.3885 0.04921 157 107 39 11
802 I'm sorry. That really was my hand. 1.3885 0.05242 157 111 31 15
803 Look on the bright side, it could be Fox News. 1.3885 0.04921 157 107 39 11
804 I gotta say the reception down here is better than I expected... 1.3885 0.04752 157 105 43 9
805 If you wanted cable, you would have had to lead a much better life. 1.3885 0.04921 157 107 39 11
806 Cutbacks. 1.3885 0.04921 157 107 39 11
807 I heard that, in the 5th circle, they let you watch the flames from an app on your phone. 1.3885 0.04921 157 107 39 11
808 I don't want a timeshare either, but we don't get the buffet tickets until after the presentation. 1.3885 0.05084 157 109 35 13
809 ..I thought this would be a more immersive experience. 1.3875 0.04855 160 109 40 11
810 At least the news is the same down here. 1.3875 0.04855 160 109 40 11
811 I get the whole eternal damnation thing, but does Satan really need to hog the remote? 1.3865 0.05173 163 116 31 16
812 It's hell when he controls the remote 1.3861 0.05057 158 110 35 13
813 How did I know that they would only get FOX news? 1.3861 0.05515 158 116 23 19
814 I hate reality programming. 1.3853 0.06101 109 76 24 9
815 The real torture? He keeps repeating that "hell-evision" joke. 1.3851 0.05066 161 113 34 14
816 It’s better than watching Fox. 1.3846 0.05339 156 112 28 16
817 Since Hell froze over on November 8, 2016, there are only fake flames. 1.3846 0.05492 156 114 24 18
818 Now that it's frozen over, do you think they'll give us coats? 1.3846 0.04678 156 104 44 8
819 I bet in heaven it's a flat screen. 1.3846 0.05182 156 110 32 14
820 I love movie night. 1.3846 0.04936 156 107 38 11
821 An analog TV and only one channel? These guys are damned good at this Hell thing. 1.3846 0.05182 156 110 32 14
822 Rabbit ears? This MUST be Hell. 1.3846 0.05182 156 110 32 14
823 Apparently the only other channel is Fox News. 1.3846 0.05339 156 112 28 16
824 I'm going to ask him if we can put the game on, just this once. 1.3846 0.05101 156 109 34 13
825 I didn't sin as much as I did just to end up watching shitty tv. 1.3846 0.05101 156 109 34 13
826 Welcome to hell for millenials! 1.3846 0.05339 156 112 28 16
827 Thank God. We are finally free of all the Religious nut jobs. 1.3846 0.05182 156 110 32 14
828 At least there are no commercials. 1.3846 0.05020 156 108 36 12
829 At least now I know why they let me keep my glasses. 1.3846 0.05020 156 108 36 12
830 At least it's commercial-free. 1.3846 0.05020 156 108 36 12
831 Having to watch Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Conway for Eternity....Why do you think they call this HELL 1.3846 0.05416 156 113 26 17
832 On Tuesdays we get to watch paint dry. 1.3846 0.04852 156 106 40 10
833 That concludes the orientation. Please exit on the left into the flames, and remember: don't swim in the lake of fire after eating. 1.3841 0.05277 138 95 33 10
834 I heard the book's better 1.3831 0.05388 154 111 27 16
835 I bet they have a flat screen in heaven. 1.3831 0.05228 154 109 31 14
836 You know what's worse? The remote's missing. 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
837 Well, at least it's not reruns of "The Apprentice" 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
838 This is hell - analog tv with no remote! 1.3831 0.05228 154 109 31 14
839 Have I missed anything? 1.3831 0.05063 154 107 35 12
840 Due to funding cuts, eternal torment has been outsourced to Capita. 1.3831 0.04716 154 103 43 8
841 I hate documentaries. 1.3831 0.05228 154 109 31 14
842 It's just a preview of coming attractions. 1.3831 0.04805 154 104 41 9
843 Why are waiting room televisions always tuned to Fox News? 1.3831 0.05466 154 112 25 17
844 Hell is apparently now on earth, so they are providing us with video. 1.3831 0.04892 154 105 39 10
845 Hannity's coming on. 1.3831 0.05228 154 109 31 14
846 Doesn't he know this would be more evil on Facebook live-stream? 1.3831 0.05063 154 107 35 12
847 The commercials are worse. 1.3831 0.05146 154 108 33 13
848 It appears we're in Hell's green room 1.3831 0.04892 154 105 39 10
849 Yes, it's PBS. But, it could have been reruns of The Apprentice! 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
850 Ugh, I've seen this safety video a thousand times. 1.3822 0.04742 157 106 42 9
851 It’s either this or FOX. 1.3822 0.05075 157 110 34 13
852 I thought the Trump Channel was only on cable. 1.3816 0.05107 152 106 34 12
853 Talk about the orientation from hell. 1.3816 0.05192 152 107 32 13
854 Uh-oh, it's a cooking show. 1.3816 0.05021 152 105 36 11
855 Do you still think watching the promotional video for a free stay was a good idea? 1.3816 0.05107 152 106 34 12
856 I know I shouldn't complain, but I was expecting something more interactive. 1.3816 0.04934 152 104 38 10
857 Yes, this is hell. Heaven has a flat screen with 600 channels of cable. 1.3816 0.05438 152 110 26 16
858 I found this tour on Groupon. 1.3816 0.05275 152 108 30 14
859 I knew this was going to be avant-garde, but Jerry, give me one good reason why we're naked. 1.3816 0.04934 152 104 38 10
860 I heard he's trying to lower his carbon footprint. 1.3803 0.05167 142 98 34 10
861 Black and white TV? Now I know we're in hell! 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
862 I heard the previews last forever. 1.3800 0.05239 150 106 31 13
863 It’s perpetually Episode 1 Season 1. Get used to it. 1.3800 0.04976 150 103 37 10
864 Did I miss anything? 1.3800 0.05239 150 106 31 13
865 It's either this or Fox News. 1.3800 0.05153 150 105 33 12
866 Apparently hell means no diversity. 1.3800 0.05153 150 105 33 12
867 The first circle is just black and white. 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
868 The Weather Channel is monotonous here. 1.3800 0.05239 150 106 31 13
869 It's not so much the heat as the humidity 1.3800 0.05065 150 104 35 11
870 If I'd known this was all it was going to be, I'd have killed a LOT more people. 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
871 I assume he doesn't realize that this is less torturous than 24 hours of Fox News. 1.3800 0.05570 150 110 23 17
872 Please watch this safety video before we proceed to the river Styx. 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
873 It's nice, but I miss the searing heat. 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
874 It's nice to get some news from the world above. 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
875 It's the Weather Channel. 1.3800 0.05407 150 108 27 15
876 There's a 30 minute orientation on fire and brimstone followed by a hot lunch. 1.3800 0.04885 150 102 39 9
877 We're "virtually" burning in hell... 1.3800 0.05065 150 104 35 11
878 He signed on to the Paris Climate Accord. 1.3800 0.05407 150 108 27 15
879 It's true . . . I always hated those fake fireplaces 1.3800 0.05407 150 108 27 15
880 It'll be an eternity until they upgrade to cable. 1.3800 0.04976 150 103 37 10
881 I don’t know about you, but I was expecting real flames 1.3800 0.05153 150 105 33 12
882 I hear they have cable upstairs. 1.3800 0.04793 150 101 41 8
883 I saw this one in the theaters. You don't see the end coming. 1.3800 0.05324 150 107 29 14
884 It's Lucifer's remake of the classic "Some Like It Hot" 1.3800 0.04976 150 103 37 10
885 12” screen, rabbit ears and only 1 channel; this really is hell! 1.3796 0.05873 137 101 20 16
886 You could say we are comfortably dressed for the occasion. 1.3791 0.04819 153 104 40 9
887 Things have gotten much better down here since we went virtual. 1.3786 0.04911 140 94 39 7
888 I've never been a fan of Reality TV. 1.3784 0.05110 148 103 34 11
889 Hey, turns out there really is a special place in hell for people who spoil the ending! 1.3784 0.05542 148 108 24 16
890 This is just the warm-up. Next is "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." 1.3784 0.05199 148 104 32 12
891 I think it would look better in color --- just sayin. 1.3784 0.05199 148 104 32 12
892 After the safety video, I’ll need you to sign the liability waiver. 1.3784 0.05542 148 108 24 16
893 I was expecting fire and brimstone, not "Fox and Friends." 1.3784 0.05110 148 103 34 11
894 Hannity'll be on after the informercial 1.3784 0.05287 148 105 30 13
895 I found the book to be a lot more compelling. 1.3784 0.04927 148 101 38 9
896 Don't worry, these presentations exaggerate everything. I used to sell timeshares. 1.3784 0.05287 148 105 30 13
897 I love previews! 1.3784 0.05287 148 105 30 13
898 Rabbit ears? In 2018? Really? 1.3784 0.05458 148 107 26 15
899 I miss fake news. 1.3784 0.05019 148 102 36 10
900 Reruns. 1.3784 0.05110 148 103 34 11
901 "This is hell, it's stuck on the local weather channel". 1.3784 0.05019 148 102 36 10
902 You gotta give the devil his due. It is more environmentally friendly. 1.3784 0.05110 148 103 34 11
903 And I thought daytime TV was hell. 1.3784 0.05110 148 103 34 11
904 I guess we're not freezing over anytime soon. 1.3784 0.05373 148 106 28 14
905 Ah...to set the mood, I guess... 1.3768 0.05060 138 94 36 8
906 I hear we have to watch all the ads down here, too. 1.3767 0.05064 146 101 35 10
907 I'm so tired of reality TV 1.3767 0.05510 146 106 25 15
908 Who would have believed the Scientologists were right? 1.3767 0.05424 146 105 27 14
909 AND there is no remote control 1.3767 0.04776 146 98 41 7
910 He waits until we're late into each episode before he spoils the ending. 1.3767 0.05064 146 101 35 10
911 Last season was way better 1.3767 0.04969 146 100 37 9
912 It's either this or reruns of Sean Hannity. 1.3767 0.05424 146 105 27 14
913 Yes, I heard this happens when you try to get out of your cable contract. 1.3767 0.05064 146 101 35 10
914 My cousin on the level below says they're showing season two of "The Jersey Shore" 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
915 The news doesn't look any different down here. 1.3767 0.05336 146 104 29 13
916 Who knew my punishment in hell would be watching the burning log channel for eternity? 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
917 Oh great, I've seen this one. 1.3767 0.05510 146 106 25 15
918 I heard next week we start getting "Cosby Show" reruns. 1.3767 0.05336 146 104 29 13
919 At least they have FOX News down here.... 1.3767 0.05510 146 106 25 15
920 You were in entertainment litigation? So was I! 1.3767 0.05156 146 102 33 11
921 Damned if I know. 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
922 I wonder what it did to end up down here 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
923 This year's Burning Man is on a whole other level 1.3767 0.05156 146 102 33 11
924 I heard in Purgatory they get Dish TV and HBO. 1.3767 0.05336 146 104 29 13
925 Can we switch to the airconditioning channel? 1.3767 0.05156 146 102 33 11
926 Steve's cock is smaller than I'd pictured. 1.3767 0.05510 146 106 25 15
927 This really is hell. We liberals get only Fox New forever while the conservatives get all of PBS. 1.3767 0.05510 146 106 25 15
928 The hellfire is just virtual? Wow, if I'd known that, I would have done a whole lot more sinning. 1.3767 0.05064 146 101 35 10
929 When does the State of the Union address start? 1.3767 0.05336 146 104 29 13
930 Rabbit ears?!? I knew there was a special place in hell reserved for those! 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
931 No cable and no flatscreens. Well... I guess we’re really here. 1.3758 0.05257 149 106 30 13
932 It's called HELLevision! 1.3741 0.05127 147 103 33 11
933 Thank goodness we still get Fox News 1.3741 0.05306 147 105 29 13
934 It's one of their original series. 1.3741 0.05127 147 103 33 11
935 Oh, hey Susan. 1.3741 0.05710 139 102 22 15
936 I haven’t seen rabbit ears for eternity. 1.3724 0.05174 145 102 32 11
937 And you thought reality TV was hell before we died. 1.3724 0.05174 145 102 32 11
938 I don't mind the overflow room. 1.3724 0.05174 145 102 32 11
939 Coming Attractions! Isn't that a little over the top? 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
940 Don't you miss marshmallows? 1.3724 0.04985 145 100 36 9
941 Let's offer him our souls in exchange for cable. 1.3724 0.05265 145 103 30 12
942 This is the tenth circle of Hell - political junkies. We are condemned to watch local C-SPAN for eternity. 1.3724 0.05265 145 103 30 12
943 Orientations are Hell. 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
944 It's just a preview of coming attractions. 1.3724 0.04888 145 99 38 8
945 Only the big sinners get to be there in person. 1.3724 0.05174 145 102 32 11
946 Worst.Timeshare.Promo.Ever. 1.3724 0.05444 145 105 26 14
947 The commentator said the definition of hell is nudity over forty. 1.3724 0.05356 145 104 28 13
948 No remote.... 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
949 Oh good. We can see "Fox and Friends" 1.3724 0.05265 145 103 30 12
950 Reception is good here. 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
951 The nudity is a surprise, but it's still hell without a remote. 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
952 It was this or Fox and Friends. 1.3724 0.05618 145 107 22 16
953 A cathode ray TV, of course this is Hell. 1.3724 0.05174 145 102 32 11
954 If you think this is hell, just wait for the infomercial! 1.3724 0.04985 145 100 36 9
955 Welcome to Hell. After you finish watching the informative video, you will have a chance to use the sauna. 1.3724 0.05356 145 104 28 13
956 Finally. He promised he'd be here to install it in 1956. 1.3724 0.05265 145 103 30 12
957 Well, at least there are no commercials. 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
958 Roseanne is on next. 1.3724 0.05532 145 106 24 15
959 Orientation is so boring. Let's get started already. Right? 1.3724 0.04985 145 100 36 9
960 Didn’t I see you at the innaugaration? 1.3724 0.05444 145 105 26 14
961 I hear there's a hot tub in every room. 1.3723 0.05181 137 95 33 9
962 We get real fire only when Hell starts to freeze over. Otherwise, it's just reruns. 1.3706 0.05126 143 100 33 10
963 God warned Eve not to get an Apple TV but she just had to get one, didn't she? 1.3706 0.05586 143 105 23 15
964 We got him off coal but going solar is gonna be an uphill battle. 1.3706 0.05126 143 100 33 10
965 24-hour Fox News. Who knew. 1.3706 0.05673 143 106 21 16
966 They say TV adds 10 degrees. 1.3706 0.05315 143 102 29 12
967 It's not the heat -- it's the morbidity. 1.3699 0.05235 146 104 30 12
968 Whaaat? Black and white? This is hell! 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
969 In heaven you get to change the channel. 1.3688 0.05270 141 100 30 11
970 Can we move closer? I'm still cold. 1.3688 0.04870 141 96 38 7
971 I’ve never been a fan of the coming attractions. 1.3688 0.05074 141 98 34 9
972 Thank Satan we don't have to watch any more cat videos. 1.3688 0.04765 141 95 40 6
973 It could be worse. They could be showing 'Hannity'. 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
974 They were right it did go to hell. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
975 Do you think it would be rude if I asked to change the channel? 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
976 Fox News is all they can get here 1.3688 0.05551 141 103 24 14
977 Yes, we are in the real Hell, rabbit ears reception on a Black and White TV 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
978 Another orientation meeting? Boy, this place really is Hell 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
979 The only other two channels are a burning fireplace and Billy Graham. 1.3688 0.05551 141 103 24 14
980 Rabbit ears? We’re in heaven...Hell has 800 cable channels but nothing’s on.... 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
981 This may sound stupid, but I can't help but feel disappointed. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
982 Who here thinks this is fake news? 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
983 So ... are you here for eternity ... or ... 1.3688 0.05551 141 103 24 14
984 Hey, turns out there really is a special place in hell for people who spoil movies! 1.3688 0.05365 141 101 28 12
985 0h, no --another Oval Office meltdown! 1.3688 0.05365 141 101 28 12
986 I dare you to change the channel 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
987 This is pure hell. It's the same on every channel. 1.3688 0.05551 141 103 24 14
988 The only thing worse than Hell is this orientation video. 1.3688 0.05365 141 101 28 12
989 I heard if Satan doesn't show up in the first 15 minutes you can leave. 1.3688 0.05270 141 100 30 11
990 The road to hell is paved with fake news. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
991 Black and White with rabbit ears, this must be hell 1.3688 0.04973 141 97 36 8
992 My ministry swindled enough people of their life savings to afford this upgrade. And you? 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
993 So the Devil does NOT wear Prada? 1.3688 0.04973 141 97 36 8
994 There's no chance we'll get a snowy picture. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
995 There was a much better selection of channels in purgatory. 1.3688 0.05270 141 100 30 11
996 It’s Purgatory ... with benefits. 1.3669 0.05698 139 103 21 15
997 It's the 13495738293584635th season and they will never cancel it. 1.3669 0.05417 139 100 27 12
998 (Sigh) So it’s true. All they have down here is the Hallmark channel. 1.3669 0.05221 139 98 31 10
999 Looks like McLuhan was right - the medium is the message. 1.3669 0.04912 139 95 37 7
1000 So it's going to be an eternity of watching the Yule Log channel? 1.3669 0.05221 139 98 31 10
1001 Spoiler alert. 1.3669 0.05698 139 103 21 15
1002 Last season was better... 1.3669 0.05320 139 99 29 11
1003 Firefox. How ironic. 1.3662 0.05608 142 105 22 15
1004 But it's a dry heat. 1.3662 0.05239 142 101 30 11
1005 It's the preview of what's next. 1.3662 0.05239 142 101 30 11
1006 Just to let you know, the weather reports here are totally predictable. 1.3662 0.05239 142 101 30 11
1007 Notice how they're showing more boobs in The New Yorker? 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1008 It’s hell. Only reality TV. 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
1009 This is a rerun. 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1010 I knew it. Eternal Fox news. 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1011 Worse yet, it's reruns. 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1012 And now for a brief message from our sponsor. 1.3650 0.05567 137 100 24 13
1013 It's not what I would call 'binge-worthy.' 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
1014 This is the hottest show on tv. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1015 ”It looks so much hotter in the ad”. 1.3650 0.05063 137 95 34 8
1016 I had no idea hell meant I'd have to watch fox news forever. 1.3650 0.05941 137 104 16 17
1017 It's either this or re-runs of "The Apprentice". 1.3650 0.05167 137 96 32 9
1018 We're toast! 1.3650 0.05567 137 100 24 13
1019 The cable installer said he would come when hell freezes over. 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1020 The worst part is there’s no remote. 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
1021 Reality TV producer? Me, too! 1.3650 0.05567 137 100 24 13
1022 Must be a preview of coming attractions. 1.3650 0.04955 137 94 36 7
1023 If money is the root of all evil you'd think they could afford HDTV. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1024 Turns out, the road to hell was paved with bad reality TV. 1.3650 0.05063 137 95 34 8
1025 It's more fuel efficient. 1.3650 0.05567 137 100 24 13
1026 Here comes the safety video 1.3650 0.05063 137 95 34 8
1027 No cable or satellite. This really is hell! 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1028 Now first, we're going to watch a short video about our sexual harassment policies here. 1.3650 0.05663 137 101 22 14
1029 The only show we get is the Hawaiian lava flow. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1030 This is Dante's sixth level of hell. They make us watch FOX News. 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1031 You all said "over hell or high water" you'd support the president, well, guess what? 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1032 They're working on getting a live feed from the White House. 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
1033 First level: black and white. Next level, no remote. Third, remotes for each of us. 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
1034 We're lucky, I heard that if you were really bad they make you watch "The View". 1.3650 0.05167 137 96 32 9
1035 Let's hope this Inferno thing is just one season. 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
1036 It feels like we’ve been waiting an eternity for the cable guy to show up. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1037 I can deal with the heat. Having to watch Hannity on an endless loop is the real torture. 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1038 Who knew that the ads would still be the worst part. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1039 This focus group sucks. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1040 ‘That’s the power of prayer for you,Fox News went to Hell.’ 1.3650 0.05470 137 99 26 12
1041 I remember White House press briefings a bit differently. 1.3650 0.05167 137 96 32 9
1042 Brimstone shortage. It's all digital now. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
1043 This isn't the worse part. Wait until you see the commercials. 1.3630 0.05216 135 95 31 9
1044 When I said I wanted to heat things up in the bedroom, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.3630 0.05216 135 95 31 9
1045 I wonder if they have flat screens in heaven. 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
1046 Fox and Friends has gone to hell lately. 1.3630 0.05721 135 100 21 14
1047 Better reception than I expected. 1.3630 0.05624 135 99 23 13
1048 An analog TV? What kind of hell is this? 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
1049 Are you sure this is the right Burning Man? 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1050 An eternity of watching the Yule Log on an old Philco. Who knew? 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
1051 It lowers our carbon footprint. 1.3630 0.05109 135 94 33 8
1052 At least there's no commercials. 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
1053 Rumor is that it streams live on all 666 channels. 1.3630 0.05109 135 94 33 8
1054 Looks like we only get the Hellmark Channel down here. 1.3630 0.05321 135 96 29 10
1055 It’s the only way he can get Baby Boomers to pay attention. 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1056 Looks like Trump stiffed the cable company again. 1.3630 0.05817 135 101 19 15
1057 I know it's hell, but still...rabbit ears?? 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1058 It gets worse, the only other channel is Fox News. 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1059 This is Naked and Afraid. Truth or Consequences is in studio B. 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1060 Previews of coming attractions 1.3630 0.05216 135 95 31 9
1061 My wife told me I'd end up here if I kept watching porn videos. Guess I got the last laugh. 1.3630 0.05216 135 95 31 9
1062 One tv station was always my vision of hell. 1.3630 0.05321 135 96 29 10
1063 Art really does imitate life. 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
1064 Is this Channel 666? 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1065 What the hell? Does he ever let anyone else choose what to watch? 1.3630 0.05321 135 96 29 10
1066 They call this hell?!? I used to be in charge of Trump's tweets! 1.3630 0.05624 135 99 23 13
1067 At least down here the weather report is accurate. 1.3630 0.04888 135 92 37 6
1068 I never pay attention to orientation videos 1.3630 0.05424 135 97 27 11
1069 Well, at least the news is better. 1.3630 0.05216 135 95 31 9
1070 Fake news. 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
1071 I hate reality shows. 1.3630 0.05624 135 99 23 13
1072 I'm late to the orientation - did they already give out the wi-fi password? 1.3623 0.05137 138 97 32 9
1073 He knew about global warming centuries ago. 1.3623 0.05137 138 97 32 9
1074 When I said those fireplace videos were my vision of Hell I didn't think anybody was listening. 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
1075 And now, your Local on the 8s. Chance of hellfire 100% 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
1076 These orientation videos bore the hell out of me 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
1077 Press Briefing. 1.3609 0.05045 133 92 34 7
1078 Only C-SPAN? We really are in hell. 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
1079 Oh, great--an eternity of black & white TV 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
1080 Damn! I would have been a better person if Revelation had warned about an eternity of Reality TV instead of just the whole 'fiery lake of burning sulfur' thing. 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
1081 Frankly, I'm getting tired of reality TV. 1.3609 0.05478 133 96 26 11
1082 No cable, no remote- this really IS Hell. 1.3609 0.05879 133 100 18 15
1083 He’s very pleased. Nothing but Kilauea on every channel. 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
1084 He said to watch closely. The devil is in the details 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
1085 We're spillover in Hades2. The 1% are getting actual fire and brimstone. 1.3609 0.04930 133 91 36 6
1086 It's in SD -- slow damnation. 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
1087 Fake News. Let’s go to the beach. 1.3609 0.05045 133 92 34 7
1088 And if we sign up today, we get one free week at any Trump property worldwide. 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
1089 I wish I'd never invented reality TV. 1.3609 0.05581 133 97 24 12
1090 According to the weather report, it will be hot like hell for the foreseeable future. 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
1091 I expected Fox News. 1.3609 0.05682 133 98 22 13
1092 What time does Hannity start? 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
1093 Welcome to hell, where your only news source for all eternity is Fox News! Muahahaha! 1.3609 0.05682 133 98 22 13
1094 That’s right, no flatscreens for you sinners. 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
1095 I usually skip orientation. 1.3609 0.05478 133 96 26 11
1096 No remote, no hi-def , no flat screen : I’m starting to get it. 1.3609 0.05581 133 97 24 12
1097 No cable, no flat screen ... this is hell. 1.3609 0.05682 133 98 22 13
1098 The whole fire and brimstone thing loses its effect when you are watching the live feed here in the overflow room 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
1099 I can't believe this show got picked up for a 74,853th season. 1.3609 0.05581 133 97 24 12
1100 It's the sequel to Liar Liar. It's called Pants on Fire. 1.3609 0.05478 133 96 26 11
1101 After age 40, nudity is hell. 1.3609 0.05581 133 97 24 12
1102 They say it's just a preview of what's to come. 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
1103 The only problem is, it’s either this, Fox News, or the Home Shopping Network.” 1.3609 0.05682 133 98 22 13
1104 Wow, Great to see you here. 1.3609 0.04930 133 91 36 6
1105 Sure, it’s not bad so far but I think this is just the orientation video 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
1106 It could be worse, it could be reality T.V. 1.3603 0.04970 136 94 35 7
1107 I knew it wasn't going to be plush, but seriously, no cable? 1.3603 0.05078 136 95 33 8
1108 The good news is you can watch as much TV as you want... 1.3603 0.04745 136 92 39 5
1109 Apparently the energy costs were just killing them. 1.3603 0.05390 136 98 27 11
1110 20 minutes of previews and it already seems like an eternity. 1.3603 0.05288 136 97 29 10
1111 Wait. Fox News comes on next. 1.3603 0.05288 136 97 29 10
1112 Due to recent budget constraints, we will only be offering simulated hellfire for the next quarter. 1.3603 0.05078 136 95 33 8
1113 Wow... It feels so real. 1.3603 0.05390 136 98 27 11
1114 "You said you'd only see me again when Hell freezes over". 1.3603 0.05390 136 98 27 11
1115 24/7 reality TV?! This is going to be hell alright. 1.3603 0.05490 136 99 25 12
1116 I still think things would have turned out worse if Hillary had won. 1.3588 0.05843 131 98 19 14
1117 Last year we had a flat screen LED. Everything’s just going to hell. 1.3588 0.05091 131 91 33 7
1118 No flatscreen TV? Well, this is hell. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
1119 Gosh, GOP really DOES have 'a Special Place in Hell'! 1.3588 0.05942 131 99 17 15
1120 At least we're not watching golf. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
1121 Never thought I’d spend eternity reliving the 60’s. 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
1122 I know it feels fine, but Fox News says it's scorching hot down here, so it must be true. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
1123 Hi, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this ? 1.3588 0.05638 131 96 23 12
1124 Did you remember to turn off the stove? 1.3588 0.05091 131 91 33 7
1125 You know, the camera adds a few degrees. 1.3588 0.04855 131 89 37 5
1126 We’re being forced to watch ‘Apprentice’ reruns for all eternity. 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
1127 It’s still better than ‘Keeping Up With The Karashians’. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
1128 Trailers these days always seem to give away the ending. 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
1129 The first person to complain about not having cable reincarnates as White House Press Secretary. 1.3588 0.05741 131 97 21 13
1130 At least it's less of a disaster than the White House. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
1131 In purgatory, they're still waiting for the cable guy. 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
1132 Every time I see this show, it's always the same episode. It's like being in Limbo or something. 1.3588 0.05843 131 98 19 14
1133 At least it's not the Big Bang Theory again... 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
1134 For these folks, hell is the endless reoccurring epiphany of discovering that Fox News is actually broadcast from hell. 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
1135 What are you doing after orientation? 1.3588 0.04974 131 90 35 6
1136 The ad said “Hot Weather- Great Reception” so who knew ? 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
1137 So, got any plans after the show? 1.3588 0.04974 131 90 35 6
1138 Fire and brimstone on a large screen would be bad enough, but having to watch it for eternity on that thing is really hell! 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
1139 Orientation videos are the worst, right? 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
1140 The eternal fire was just too expensive. 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
1141 Let's find a cool place to make out after this video is over. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
1142 If I knew there was no HBO, I would have been a lot nicer up there. 1.3582 0.04785 134 91 38 5
1143 Must be election season again. 1.3582 0.05545 134 98 24 12
1144 You come here often? 1.3561 0.05392 132 95 27 10
1145 Thank Satan they finally turned off the Royal Wedding! 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1146 Somehow, I expected it would be "live." 1.3538 0.05764 130 97 20 13
1147 There is only one station and it's Hell. 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1148 It could be worse - we could be watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1149 I’ve seen this one before. But then I have been here for two hundred years. 1.3538 0.04988 130 90 34 6
1150 You just knew it would be reality tv. 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1151 In the next scene hell freezes over. 1.3538 0.04988 130 90 34 6
1152 Let’s start screaming in agony—we don’t want them catching on that we’re really just fine without HDTV. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1153 He said ‘to hell with cable !’ 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1154 Oh hell, Rabbit Ears, really? 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1155 Well what did you expect, HBO? 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1156 It's a state-run network. 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1157 What's worse is still having to pay for all those other channels... 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1158 So, is this your first time visiting Florida? 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1159 Could be worse. On the level below us all they get is C-SPAN. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1160 No Netflix? This is going to be hell. 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1161 'He likes to begin with a short travelogue.' 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1162 Good thing we died and got out of America just in time. 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1163 White Supremacist Convention. 1.3538 0.05968 130 99 16 15
1164 And he only lets us watch the Weather Channel. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1165 I thought hellfire would be bad, but it's the endless safety videos that really get you. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1166 I guess he's really going to make us watch the royal wedding from beginning to end. 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1167 These welcome to newcomers videos are so lame. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1168 Somehow, this is even worse. 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
1169 I'm not really interested in a timeshare. I just wanted the free trip. 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1170 This is the easy part. The live Trump rally coverage airs in five minutes. 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1171 Somehow I'm not surprised that the only channel we get here is reality T.V. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1172 Finally! True news. Who thought we'd get it here? 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1173 Waiting for Hannity. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1174 I thought Hell would be to watch the Kardashians over and over again 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1175 When do you think people will catch on that they are watching 'fake hell'. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1176 Is this your first Burning Man vacation tour? 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1177 Which season are we on? 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1178 It's either this or C-SPAN. 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1179 Could've been worse, Florence. I mean, at least it's not Fox News. 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1180 Should I ask to use his trident to see if we can pick up a few more channels? 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1181 Not even a flatscreen TV. We really are in hell. 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
1182 Looks like another scorcher to day. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
1183 You can't trust everything you see on TV anymore... I heard hell froze over last year. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
1184 Don't complain or he will switch it to coverage of Trump. 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1185 Well, no worries about our clothes catching fire! 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1186 I hear the seventh circle has high-def. 1.3534 0.05358 133 96 27 10
1187 The sub always makes us watch a video of our damnation. It's just lazy tormenting. 1.3516 0.05826 128 96 19 13
1188 Hell is freezing over. What did you expect? 1.3516 0.05033 128 89 33 6
1189 What in hell is that supposed to mean? 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
1190 It's better than looking at Facebook all day... 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
1191 I so hate orientation videos. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1192 Can you believe it over 500 channels and that's all the hell that's on. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1193 It's worse than I thought. No cable. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1194 I’m surprised they get any reception down here. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1195 I just heard it's going to be replaced by Hannity's show. 1.3516 0.05826 128 96 19 13
1196 I bet Heaven has HD. 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
1197 On the next level down they have Facebook. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1198 Hey, at least it isn't Fox News. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1199 At least it’s better than the room where you spend eternity waiting for the cable technician. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1200 It's hell all right--no A.C. and you only get one channel. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1201 Remember back when there was more than one channel? 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1202 Guess it's not really a surprise that Satan has Comcast. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1203 Where’s the remote? 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1204 Winter is not coming. 1.3516 0.05720 128 95 21 12
1205 Could be worse. Remember the Yule log? 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1206 If you think this is bad, you should have seen last year's pledge drive. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1207 You know, I hear in Heaven they got 200 more channels than we do. 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
1208 Wow, they get great reception down here. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1209 Look around, this special place in Hell is for the White House press corps. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1210 Not watching in high definition is the first eternal torment. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1211 Before the budget cuts, they at least used actual fire. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1212 If they really wanted to punish us, they would've put on cable news. 1.3516 0.05033 128 89 33 6
1213 Apparently, Keeping Up With the Kardashians was considered inhumane. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1214 And I thought watching the yule log channel at Christmas on my big screen was hell.... 1.3516 0.05720 128 95 21 12
1215 What’s a women like you doing in a place like this? 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1216 I should have done more sins 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
1217 I love our mandatory Fox News breaks. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1218 666 channels and there's still never anything good on. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1219 I dare you to start caroling. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1220 I was a producer for reality TV. How about you? 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
1221 I just *knew* The Inferno was fake news. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1222 He told me no judicial experience was necessary for the appointment....you too? 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1223 Hmmm, never mind the TV; I always thought he'd be bigger, you know, down there. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1224 Watching television via antennae? Even hell doesn't force us to use Comcast. 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
1225 American education IS dead, if he needs a video to explain who he is. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1226 Analog TV, local channels only and no remote, now this is Hell! 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
1227 Alright kids, Mr. Lucifer has jury duty, so we'll be watching a movie today. 1.3516 0.05387 128 92 27 9
1228 The orientation video doesn't do it justice. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1229 Cathode ray and rabbit ears - this place is worse than I'd thought. 1.3516 0.05033 128 89 33 6
1230 This is the most interesting orientation I've been to. Mostly because of the nudity. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
1231 Season 4,643,342 was better 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
1232 Everyday, it's either this or Fox News. 1.3511 0.05928 131 100 16 15
1233 The fire is fake, but the cattle prod is real. 1.3492 0.05323 126 90 28 8
1234 Everything looks worse in black and white. 1.3492 0.05441 126 91 26 9
1235 It's a very short orientation video 1.3492 0.05557 126 92 24 10
1236 At least it’s not Fox...! 1.3488 0.05574 129 95 23 11
1237 Oh, hell. I hear the Infernomercial takes forever. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1238 Joke’s on him. I love reality TV. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1239 There's just no escaping workplace safety videos. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1240 I'm telling you, it's got to be just a bad dream, the devil has a bellybutton. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1241 Fox News 24/7. This is Hell! 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1242 An old black and white tube set with built in rabbit ears and one channel...yup...we’re in Hell. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1243 I would have thought for sure they'd have Fox News here. 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1244 Like everything else, hell isn't what it used to be. 1.3468 0.05127 124 87 31 6
1245 We never had TV until Trump arrived. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1246 Things changed after Comcast bought them out. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1247 You think the commercials are bad? Wait 'til 'One Million Years of Fox and Friends" comes on! 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1248 An eternity of terrible reception. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1249 Thanks God it's not The Bachelor. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1250 I think this is a rerun. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1251 It's not the reception I was expecting. 1.3468 0.04997 124 86 33 5
1252 If I knew this is what they meant by burning in hell, I would've committed more crimes. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1253 So, hell is the Yule log for eternity. 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1254 Still beats Comcast. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1255 He's seriously reducing the carbon footprint of this place 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1256 Actually, its better than most of the network shows last season. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1257 It's the only show we get here and it was just renewed for an eternity of seasons. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1258 24/7 Fox News 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1259 It's just the previews. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1260 No High Def. Told you this was Hell. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1261 You would think the King of Darkness could afford satellite. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1262 At least it's not "The View." 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1263 Do you ever wish for clothes captioning? 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1264 Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t have voted yes for net neutrality. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1265 All the shows are sindicated. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1266 No cable, one channel, this must be Hell. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1267 Last episode, Sisyphus was voted off. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
1268 Is this because I told my cable company to go to hell? 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1269 What's with the rabbit ears? I'd swear my cable bundle included hell in the package. 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1270 I see what you mean by 'cult classic.' 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1271 This must be hell - there’s no remote. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1272 Normally we watch dumpster fires, but this white house press briefing is pretty hot 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1273 At least it isn't a bunch of stupid cat videos. 1.3468 0.05127 124 87 31 6
1274 I love this part! 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
1275 Hey, I've already seen this 10000 times! 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1276 We hope this brief training video has been helpful. And now, on behalf of Satan -- Welcome to Hell! 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
1277 This is the first time I've felt lucky to be in the overflow room. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1278 So, someone put on Fox News and lost the remote. And now we're here. 1.3465 0.05169 127 90 30 7
1279 Nice rack. 1.3443 0.06022 122 93 16 13
1280 This is a rerun. They think of everything. 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
1281 Lacks the warmth of the original. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
1282 You'd think the Ruler of the Underworld would have a flat-screen. 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
1283 Don't worry.They change the channel every thousand years or so. 1.3443 0.05305 122 87 28 7
1284 Yep. We just wait for the cable guy. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
1285 HR says we can't use real fire anymore. 1.3443 0.05554 122 89 24 9
1286 It's sweeps week for the Dante Channel. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
1287 60” flat screen back at my place. You want to get outta here? 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
1288 Two thousand channels, and nothing's on. 1.3443 0.05909 122 92 18 12
1289 What the Hell? 1.3443 0.05305 122 87 28 7
1290 I expected a more immersive experience from this evangelical theme park. 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
1291 They finally put it down here where it belongs. 1.3443 0.05175 122 86 30 6
1292 Frankly, I'm underwhelmed by the orientation so far. 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
1293 Using real fire was killing our budget. 1.3443 0.05554 122 89 24 9
1294 I think they just want us to get warmed up. 1.3443 0.05305 122 87 28 7
1295 It’s hell trying to get a signal down here 1.3443 0.05175 122 86 30 6
1296 Watching Having to watch the Yuletide Log burn forever is bad enough. But the perpetual Christmas music is sheer hell. 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
1297 No commercials, that’s a positive... 1.3443 0.05554 122 89 24 9
1298 I refuse to believe we’re in hell until they change the channel to Dr. Phil. 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
1299 I think it’s the Weather Channel... 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
1300 It could be worse. In heaven they have to watch reruns of "Touched by an Angel". 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
1301 In hell, you still have to get up to adjust the antenna. 1.3443 0.05043 122 85 32 5
1302 We used to get HBO, but this place has really gone to, well, you know. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
1303 I knew hell would be awful, but I never dreamed that we would have to watch reality TV for eternity. 1.3443 0.05554 122 89 24 9
1304 First Fake News...Now Fake Flames. 1.3443 0.06022 122 93 16 13
1305 It's either this or brimstone. 1.3443 0.05043 122 85 32 5
1306 This is the hottest show on tv. 1.3443 0.05175 122 86 30 6
1307 Look on the bright side, they could have streamed Fox News. 1.3443 0.05909 122 92 18 12
1308 I heard that in the First Circle, they get to watch something other than Fox News. 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
1309 Could be worse. 1.3443 0.05043 122 85 32 5
1310 It's part of a new carbon neutral initiative. 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
1311 Great- another local interest story. 1.3443 0.05305 122 87 28 7
1312 This is virtual Hell! 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
1313 7,500 degrees again today? And you believe Dopler Radar? 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
1314 So far, I've only abandoned all hope that we'll get to watch the playoffs. 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
1315 On the bright side it looks like they have their own cable news channel. 1.3417 0.05090 120 84 31 5
1316 Is there a remote chance in Hell of getting a better reception? 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1317 It's a warm-up video. 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
1318 Only one screen for all of us and no cable?! What kind of place is this?! 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1319 Right as the couple announces which house they'll choose he switches to this channel. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1320 That's the live stream from 666 Fifth Avenue. 1.3417 0.06092 120 92 15 13
1321 It’s either this or the Kardashians. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1322 Get used to it, there's only one channel down here. 1.3417 0.05090 120 84 31 5
1323 I've got a corner suite down in the 4th circle with two pals from Wharton. You have any plans for later? 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1324 Orientation is always Hell. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
1325 I'm so relieved! I always thought it was going to be Fox News. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
1326 He’s making us watch his home videos again. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1327 It's not the heat I miss so much, it's the humidity. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1328 Who knew there would be hell to pay for cutting the cable.? 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
1329 Would a fake log be too much to ask? 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1330 Trust me this is much better than when we just had radio. 1.3417 0.04950 120 83 33 4
1331 I guess oil prices are effecting everyone 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1332 Next level down, it's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in VR. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1333 My parents had that TV in the '80s... it was torture to watch then too. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1334 Oh No, just the FOX NEWS Channel down here! 1.3417 0.05976 120 91 17 12
1335 It's a touch ironic since I never believed in literal fire and brimstone. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1336 Get used to it kids... Still think global warming is a myth? 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
1337 This is much more pleasant than the focus group on torture. 1.3417 0.05090 120 84 31 5
1338 At least it's not C-Span. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1339 A box tv? This really is Hell. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1340 I didn't expect they would have Fox News here. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
1341 I’m surprised they get reception down here. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1342 Orientation videos are always the worst. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
1343 Glad we’re in the overflow room. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1344 Honestly, I prefer it to watching Fox News. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
1345 At least it's not snow. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1346 Is it me, or does this episode seem to be lasting forever? 1.3417 0.05976 120 91 17 12
1347 Let me guess. Hot as Hell with a chance of Fire & Brimstone. Surprise, surprise. 1.3415 0.05636 123 91 22 10
1348 At least there are no commercials. 1.3415 0.05516 123 90 24 9
1349 In heaven it's clouds and a flat-screen. 1.3415 0.05516 123 90 24 9
1350 This is the floor for Everyone Who Ever Made Fun Of The Yule Log. If you're looking for Taking Forever To Order At Starbucks, that's on six. 1.3415 0.05867 123 93 18 12
1351 No streaming? This IS Hell. 1.3394 0.06004 109 81 19 9
1352 Down here we call it "singe-watching." 1.3390 0.05412 118 85 26 7
1353 I thought at least we would be able to wear our "Make America Great Again" hats. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1354 I liked Season 1 better. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1355 This is one hell of an orientation video. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1356 Hey, so... do you come here often? 1.3390 0.05277 118 84 28 6
1357 It's almost like they named it Tinder as a warning. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1358 It's a slight improvement from Fox & Friends. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1359 No Netflix?!? Christ, this IS Hell! 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1360 Oh we could change it - we just can’t find the remote. 1.3390 0.05412 118 85 26 7
1361 The budget cuts must've hit his department the hardest 1.3390 0.05138 118 83 30 5
1362 Well, at least it's a dry heat. 1.3390 0.05800 118 88 20 10
1363 These instructional videos are always so dated. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1364 I’m just going to stay up until they give the forecast for the weekend... 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1365 Somehow I suspect it’s not going to be quite the same kind of ‘fireside chat’ our grandparents got from President Roosevelt. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1366 Don't worry - TV cameras add like 10 degrees. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1367 I used to think reality TV was torture. 1.3390 0.05412 118 85 26 7
1368 Did you read the book? 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1369 Ironic don't you think--all this is heaven for an arsonist. 1.3390 0.05800 118 88 20 10
1370 I recognize that guy from the DMV. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1371 Heaven has a big screen with cable. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
1372 Glad I'm down here and not a White House staffer! 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1373 Somehow the heat is lost in the translation! 1.3390 0.06044 118 90 16 12
1374 Sure, it'll get picked up for next season. It always gets picked up for next season. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1375 Streaming hell is cheaper these days 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
1376 That women in front is pretty hot. 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
1377 Wow, no flat screens. This really is hell. 1.3388 0.05190 121 86 29 6
1378 These are just the previews. 1.3364 0.05133 107 74 30 3
1379 This must be hell. There’s no cable. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1380 It finally froze over. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1381 And they still need more evidence for global warming!! 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1382 I won't spoil it for you, but I know how this ends. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1383 I hear the place upstairs has a real fireplace. 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1384 I don't think the trailer does it justice. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1385 This just means that when I wake up, Hannity will still be raving. 1.3362 0.05865 116 87 19 10
1386 We should've thought about this before we started working for Trump. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1387 I always thought there would be hell to pay for cutting cable. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1388 These commercials are hell. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1389 The circle under this only has radio. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1390 Figures he would have us watch an intro to hell on an analog tv 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1391 So this is hell-no cable TV. 1.3362 0.05865 116 87 19 10
1392 I've seen this one already. 1.3362 0.05040 116 81 31 4
1393 Somehow I thought we'd be wearing Prada. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1394 what the hell is this? 1.3362 0.05865 116 87 19 10
1395 The medium is the message. 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1396 Where in the hell is the remote? 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1397 Same ol' forecast: "Mostly hot with a chance of fire and brimstone." 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1398 I've always hated reality TV. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1399 The laugh track is a bit over the top. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1400 That's the weather channel. The usual foercast. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1401 At least it's not cable news. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1402 Just a quick one. What are they going to do--punish us? 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1403 Hell is other white people. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1404 The “Woman Scorned” symposium was WAY scarier. 1.3362 0.05991 116 88 17 11
1405 Hard to tell but it looks like a rerun 1.3362 0.05040 116 81 31 4
1406 It gets worse -- at night they run nothing but informercials. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1407 "It's a training film for those who never experienced hell on earth". 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1408 I just watch for the commercials. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1409 Which Fox News show did you say you worked on? 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1410 The seventh circle is currently under construction. Please stand by. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1411 Hey, at least it's not Hannity. 1.3362 0.06237 116 90 13 13
1412 The picture quality is so lifelike...it's the damnedest thing. 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1413 Nothing but Fox interrupted only by the Cars for Kids jingle. for eternity. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1414 I hear heaven has a big screen with Netflix. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1415 I was talking to Ed down on Level 3 and he said they get to have real fire. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1416 ... and then Trump said "You're Fired". 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1417 We've been praying to find the remote for ages 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1418 The weather channel again? 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1419 Nuts! It’s a rerun. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1420 I heard St. Peter bought a 65 inch 4K Ultra HD for the upstairs rec room 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1421 The flames look better in HD. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1422 The "hell" part is that you can't change the damned channel. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1423 I am the Pearly Gates when somebody asked if I'd like to get naked and watch something hot and here I am. What about you? 1.3362 0.05865 116 87 19 10
1424 I can't believe they picked this up for another season. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1425 I knew there'd be infomercials in Hell. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1426 When I sold my soul for the hottest channels on TV, this isn't what I expected! 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1427 This is the weirdest Groupon ever. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1428 " Fox and Friends " is on in fifteen minutes! 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1429 Do you have any plans for later? 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1430 I'm actually relieved-no more pharma commercials. 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1431 You know, I think it's great the White House is bringing back fireside chats. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1432 It's the Trump White House, on an endless loop. It makes me think we're better off here. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1433 He is doing what he can to reduce his carbon footprint. 1.3362 0.05865 116 87 19 10
1434 ...and I thought Keeping Up with the Kardashians was Hell. 1.3362 0.06237 116 90 13 13
1435 They only have this and Fox News 1.3362 0.05991 116 88 17 11
1436 ADULTERERS Anonymous ?? Confidential as AA ?? Obviously, NOT !!! 1.3362 0.06356 116 91 11 14
1437 Typical news it's all fire and brimstone. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1438 Don't fret over the remote, the real torment sets in when you realize we only get one channel. 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
1439 It's an EPA thing. 1.3362 0.05187 116 82 29 5
1440 there used to be an actual fire but, you know...budget cuts are hell. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1441 Like hell, isn't it? 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1442 The devil is always in the details with these cable packages. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1443 It's apparently a live transmission of the opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem. 1.3362 0.05991 116 88 17 11
1444 Really? I got naked for this? 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1445 They're trying to reduce their carbon footprint. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
1446 It's the same Trump speech over and over again. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
1447 Apparently Norwegians in heaven also watch this show for all eternity 1.3362 0.05187 116 82 29 5
1448 It’s the only reality TV show they have down here. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
1449 What the devil is going on? 1.3361 0.05880 119 90 18 11
1450 It’s probably more breaking news. 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
1451 Long range forecast, expect no break from the heat and humidity. 1.3333 0.06126 102 76 18 8
1452 A CRT with rabbit ears? This is hell. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1453 Well, I'll be damned! 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1454 They add two years to eternity if you switch channels 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1455 Well that answers the question...an eternity of the Channel 9 Yule Log. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1456 No spoilers please. I haven't seen this episode yet. 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
1457 To hell with it! 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1458 Rabbit ears on black-and-white TV set with only one Channel and no cable ..... we really are in Hell. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
1459 Hell of a party, isn’t it? 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1460 In hell there is one community tv with one channel to watch & the devil is the only one who gets the tv remote; in heaven everybody gets their own tv with unlimited cable & a personalized tv remote with your initials engraved on it. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1461 It's hell not having cable. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1462 Yes! Finally no political commercials. 1.3333 0.06062 114 87 16 11
1463 No cable down here. So it's either this or PBS. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1464 Turn up the volume, we're freezing here! 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1465 We're trying to be more fuel efficient. 1.3333 0.06062 114 87 16 11
1466 I always figured hell would involve a lot more Hannity. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1467 Do you know if this Orientation covers the dress code? 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
1468 THIS is CNN.... 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1469 That TSA Screener was right! This pre-boarding process is absolute Hell! 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1470 I've seen this show before, spoiler alert. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1471 Eco-friendly, renewable, sustainable - call it what you will; it's freezing down here. 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1472 I heard everyone in heaven gets an iPad 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1473 I can't believe that we have to watch this in black and white. 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1474 Isn't this the same news we heard yesterday? 1.3333 0.04772 114 78 34 2
1475 It just hasn't been the same since the budget cuts 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1476 You think this is hell, wait till he changes the channel to reality TV. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1477 The Yule Log isn't so bad; the 24-hour Christmas music is the real torture. 1.3333 0.05932 114 86 18 10
1478 Trump's America and hell look pretty similar, don't you think? 1.3333 0.05932 114 86 18 10
1479 The remote doesn't work. This is the real torture. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1480 Fake Hell ! 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1481 You'd think we'd at least get to get FOX News down here. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1482 Lousy reception,no Hi Def, nowhere to sit , and no AC.This really is HELL. 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
1483 Actual flames are too much of a safety risk. 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1484 Look at the TV. Rabbit ear antennae, no remote, VHF and UHF dials, no color, and one channel. OMG THIS IS HELL!!! 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1485 It’s hell without cable. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1486 Honestly, I'm just glad they're not making us read a book. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1487 It's better for the environment but boring as hell. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1488 Twenty-four seven local news coverage. That's the hell of it. 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1489 Where in the hell is the remote? 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1490 This is it. One channel. 1.3333 0.05932 114 86 18 10
1491 Looks like Fox News has dropped all pretense. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
1492 So ... which Hollywood executive did you represent? 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
1493 Well, that looks like the hell fire. I wonder if the damnation is also virtual? 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
1494 I'd sell another soul for a flat screen 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1495 ... but first, a brief "Welcome to Hell" orientation video. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1496 As if we didn't already know that hell is basic cable. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1497 I heard the next season is a lot darker. 1.3333 0.05291 117 84 27 6
1498 This infomercial continues until Hell freezes over. 1.3333 0.06188 114 88 14 12
1499 You haven't missed anything, it's just the trailer. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1500 I’ve seen it a million times and it still makes me laugh. 1.3333 0.06188 114 88 14 12
1501 What the Hell?" "Another political rally" "This is torture! 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1502 If they show any more Hannity, I may ask to go back to the pit of flame. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1503 Anybody seen the remote? 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
1504 And you still get ads, even after you upgrade. 1.3333 0.05932 114 86 18 10
1505 It's better than a lot of shows we watched when alive. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1506 Don't worry this is just one of those dreams where u appear naked in public 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
1507 I always said adjusting those rabbit ears was hell. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1508 The previews are starting. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1509 Paying the extra for the virtual hell experience was a good choice... 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
1510 I told you it was worse in DC. 1.3333 0.06062 114 87 16 11
1511 You think we adulterers have it bad--the murderers have to watch Full House. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
1512 It's going to be hell without cable. 1.3304 0.05485 115 84 24 7
1513 Summer reruns. 1.3304 0.05888 115 87 18 10
1514 So glad Fox News is on down here. 1.3304 0.05888 115 87 18 10
1515 It wouldn't be half as bad down here if I hadn't left the remote in my pocket. 1.3304 0.05622 115 85 22 8
1516 No cable? This IS hell! 1.3304 0.05622 115 85 22 8
1517 The next circle only has dial-up. 1.3304 0.05344 115 83 26 6
1518 This is what I call virtual hell. 1.3304 0.05757 115 86 20 9
1519 What does it tell you about our president when even the devil is working on reducing is carbon footprint? 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1520 The book's better. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1521 So, Hell is waiting eternity for the cable installer? 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1522 It was either the weather forecast or Fox & Friends ... the one time he actually gave us what we asked for. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
1523 The new screensaver for Fox News viewers. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1524 Do we get clothes if Hell freezes over? 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1525 I should have known we'd all have to share the same tv, but seriously, the Weather Channel? 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1526 Wanna get something to eat before the last circle? 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1527 Oh, there is no actual ride. We just stand in line forever. 1.3304 0.06134 112 86 15 11
1528 C’mon, no cable!?! That’s just inhumane! 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1529 In ten minutes we get reruns of 'The PTL Club'. Then the real Hell begins. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1530 I guess this means we’re in Purgatory. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1531 I sold mine for a bitcoin, what'd you sell yours for? 1.3304 0.06134 112 86 15 11
1532 An eternity of watching television... this really is hell. 1.3304 0.05135 112 79 29 4
1533 When the cable's out we watch the Yule Log... and the cable's always out. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1534 I’m skeptical this global warming protest will have any impact. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
1535 I've seen this one already. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1536 It's the yule log from hell. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1537 I've heard it gets better after the third season. 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1538 Count yourself lucky we got purgatory; I hear hell has nothing but 24/7 cable news. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1539 Not sure whether this is the reward--or the punishment. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1540 There's only one channel, one show, one episode, and it's all repeats. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1541 My feet are cold. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
1542 I've never been to a cable company corporate retreat before. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1543 I bet Heaven has HD. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1544 Could be worse, I heard the ninth circle only shows the news. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1545 Only the worst sinners have to spend eternity without cable. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
1546 It's not much different than cable news, but the sick part is that you miss the commercials. 1.3304 0.05289 112 80 27 5
1547 I'm just here for the free set of golf clubs you get for sitting through the presentation. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1548 Welcome to Dante's placebo. 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1549 I've seen this one before. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1550 Want me to tell you how it ends? 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1551 Apparently, "fire and fury like the world has never seen" plays well down here - it's on every channel. 1.3304 0.05135 112 79 29 4
1552 I really thought they'd have cable. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
1553 I'm not sure about you, but these team building retreats are getting stranger and stranger... 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1554 This freshmen orientation is making me a bit nervous. 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1555 Everything is old school down here, but considering where we are the reception is fantastic. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1556 It's a perpetual weather channel. 1.3304 0.05135 112 79 29 4
1557 It's Trump's State of the Union address. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1558 Heaven is a 60” 4K flatscreen. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1559 They've really lost their touch lately, but just wait 'till Gina Haspel gets down here. Then we'll see some torture. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1560 Welcome to FOX AND FRIENDS! 1.3304 0.06638 112 90 7 15
1561 It's a made for TV version of Dante's Inferno. 1.3304 0.05135 112 79 29 4
1562 It's eternal reruns of the Yule log. 1.3304 0.06134 112 86 15 11
1563 I’m so glad I remembered my glasses. 1.3304 0.05135 112 79 29 4
1564 Purgatory was so much more interesting. 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
1565 It picks up after the first season. 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1566 It's the televangelists again 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
1567 Are you enjoying the reception? 1.3301 0.05234 103 72 28 3
1568 Orientation is taking forever. 1.3274 0.05097 113 80 29 4
1569 Rabbit ears and a CRT. This really is hell. 1.3274 0.05097 113 80 29 4
1570 This is Hell! No remote and rabbit ears! 1.3274 0.05821 113 85 19 9
1571 The dammed take a quick break to watch coverage of the Trump administration... 1.3274 0.05821 113 85 19 9
1572 This isn't so bad! I thought for orientation you had to sit through some godawful long poem. 1.3274 0.05543 113 83 23 7
1573 I never would've guessed that Hell would have a weather channel. 1.3274 0.05684 113 84 21 8
1574 Now, where in the hell did I put the remote?! 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1575 If you want to see the corrupt politicians dunked in boiling tar, you have to subscribe to Netflix. 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1576 It's actually the power of suggestion that makes it so hot down here. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1577 At least we've moved on from fake news to the naked truth! 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1578 I'm new here. When does the screaming part begin? 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
1579 Of course this is hell ... that's an analog TV! 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
1580 I hate when they show you everything in the previews. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1581 Thank God those flames aren't real. 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
1582 Evidently the televangelists were wrong about the Rapture. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1583 Wow - no cable, satellite, or streaming; and no remote. We are in Hell! 1.3273 0.06342 110 86 12 12
1584 No high definition? This really is Hell. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1585 It’s not so much the heat as it is poor picture resolution that gets to you. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1586 Hell has been outsourced to Fox News 1.3273 0.06342 110 86 12 12
1587 I think I've already seen this episode 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1588 I guess he followed through on the whole “fire and fury” thing. 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
1589 It's not so bad, it's like the Yule Log, but for the unforgiven. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1590 At least it's not the fire place log again. 1.3273 0.05020 110 77 30 3
1591 Just reruns again. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1592 Every time a flame leaps a devil gets its horns. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1593 Man, it feels like we've been watching the same orientation video for 1000 years. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1594 There...right after that third crackle...that's where the tape resets. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1595 Hey, no spoilers! I'm new here. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1596 ...still, it's nice that we're watching all together. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1597 This is going to be hell, no internet! 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1598 The demonic iconography would indicate this is a Catholic image, yet our genitals are angled away from the frame in a sop to Puritanical Protestant sensibilities. Also, why does this devil have a trident rather than the traditional pitchfork? 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1599 It really makes you appreciate a real fire. 1.3273 0.05184 110 78 28 4
1600 They only get Fox News down here. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1601 It's the extended forecast on The Weather Channel. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1602 The worst part is the poor image quality. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1603 It's hell with no cable. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1604 Frankly, I expected worse. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1605 The only remote is upstairs. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1606 We used to get some televangelists, but they're all down here now. 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
1607 It's either this or Fox News. 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1608 This is the only reality show where you want to be the first one voted off the island. 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1609 I can’t believe it isn’t set to FOX NEWS. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1610 New here? It's not so bad, now. They used to make us watch Maury. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1611 Do you suppose he tapes Colbert? 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1612 The frackers pumped out all the gas... 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1613 I wonder what they're watching upstairs. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1614 Do you feel a draft..? I feel a draft. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1615 You think we can fast-forward? 1.3273 0.05184 110 78 28 4
1616 And you’ll all be issued utterly useless remotes. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1617 Remind me again, whats the difference between a Religion and a Cult? 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1618 God, orientation week is such a bore! 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1619 This is the audition for ' Naked and Afraid', right? 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1620 I know a guy who can get us cable down here, but he's a real sleazeball. 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1621 As soon as I saw the rabbit ears and the crummy reception, I knew I was in Hell. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1622 Do you feel a draft? 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1623 It's all about reducing carbon dioxide emissions—the devil is in the details. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
1624 I think we have to bare our soul as well. 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1625 Wanna get out of here? 1.3243 0.05302 111 80 26 5
1626 Budget cuts. We used to get the real thing. 1.3243 0.05145 111 79 28 4
1627 Now he's claiming he reinvented fire. Another stunning inroad into his Make Hell Great Again blah de blah. 1.3243 0.05747 111 83 20 8
1628 Marshall McLuhan was right - the medium is the message. 1.3243 0.05602 111 82 22 7
1629 The weather report is always the same! 1.3243 0.05302 111 80 26 5
1630 I always wondered what they'd do with a masochist in Hell. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1631 This is something of a reprieve. I left a woman scorned. 1.3241 0.05066 108 76 29 3
1632 All this punishment because of a stupid fig leaf ? 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1633 I guess there's a special place in hell for couch potatoes! 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1634 Apparently, cable and flatscreen are only for the 1% 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1635 Where am I supposed to pin my orientation name tag? 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1636 Cheer up! The previews only last 1000 years. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1637 I prefer the U.K. version. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1638 TV for eternity, that's the punishment. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1639 I always did hate reality TV. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1640 I bet Scott Pruitt will be shocked when he finds out Hades has gone carbon neutral. 1.3241 0.04892 108 75 31 2
1641 I hate these previews of upcoming events! 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1642 Perhaps they have brimstone on another channel. 1.3241 0.06146 108 83 15 10
1643 No, we have 665 other channels, but all they show are “Real Housewives” marathons. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1644 No, really! That's the whole difference, up there they have flat screen. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1645 At first I was skeptical. But this timeshare presentation has me thinking. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1646 AND no WiFi. 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1647 Do you think he could turn it up? 1.3241 0.05066 108 76 29 3
1648 You were expecting a flat-screen TV in Hell? 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1649 I love the Yule Log channel. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1650 It's either this or The Bachelor. 1.3241 0.06146 108 83 15 10
1651 ...masochists get only the televised version... 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1652 And you thought I was cheap. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1653 Glasses are useless ‘cause they keep fogging up. 1.3241 0.06146 108 83 15 10
1654 Thank God the State of the Union address is only once a year. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1655 At least we don’t have to watch “The Apprentice” for eternity. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1656 Welcome to the logical conclusion of reality television evolution. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1657 Have you seen the remote control? 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1658 Looks like its going to be another scorcher. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1659 We only get the first season down here. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1660 So Burning in Hell for Eternity is just another reality tv show? 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1661 I knew it! No cable. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1662 I'll always think you're hot. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1663 I guess we all have to play our part in curbing global warming. 1.3241 0.05066 108 76 29 3
1664 No, I don't have the remote in my pocket! 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1665 An old tube TV? That settles it. We're in hell. 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1666 Coming up next...Dante’s Inferno...stay tuned 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1667 If you think it’s so bad here keep it up and I’ll send you to the White House! 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1668 We're about to head to the open bar, but first this short presentation about an exciting real estate opportunity! 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1669 At least the weather forcast is always accurate..! 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1670 When we were first dating you used to take me to live shows. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1671 Look on the bright side - we won't be fighting over the remote. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1672 Damn! Looks like the evangelicals were right. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1673 The reception is hell on these old sets. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1674 No, Honey I don't think that's the Yule log! 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1675 Here comes the timeshare pitch. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1676 It 's not as hot as it looks 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1677 I just figured we’d be watching “Keeping up with the Kardashian’s” forever. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1678 That's right, no cable, no remote control, and you have to use the dog ears for reception. Welcome to hell. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1679 No cable, no color. This really is hell. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1680 Reruns are hell. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1681 If anyone changes the channel they put the Donald on for eternity. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1682 These old tube sets have warmer tones, don't they? 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1683 What's a good girl like you doing here? 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1684 It still beats watching Fox News with my parents in Omaha. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1685 Good morning everyone, and welcome to orientation! 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1686 Satan's decided to go green. Saving a bundle on fuel. 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1687 Horrible reception. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1688 Does anyone know how to change the channel? 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1689 This is my first time doing performance art. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
1690 Fake news! They’re just warming us up. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1691 I'm not surprised that eternal punishment begins with an employee onboarding video. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
1692 It's a virtual Hell here! 1.3235 0.05243 102 72 27 3
1693 Apparently Hell is carbon neutral now. 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
1694 White House daily press briefing. 1.3222 0.06482 90 68 15 7
1695 You know, I think the reception is better down here. 1.3211 0.05355 109 79 25 5
1696 Mind if I change channels? 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1697 The Seventh Circle has cable, but there's nothing on. 1.3211 0.05664 109 81 21 7
1698 I hear they're running out of room. 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1699 Last year's "State of Etenal Damnation Address" took 600 hours. 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1700 It’s got the viewing audience of the super bowl, plus you can’t wait for the commercials 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1701 Usually I avoid watching the trailers, I like to be surprised. 1.3211 0.05355 109 79 25 5
1702 And you will not be permitted to pause, rewind or fast forward. 1.3211 0.05355 109 79 25 5
1703 Apparently the fuel bill to run the old fire pit was costing him an arm and a cloven hoof ! 1.3211 0.05194 109 78 27 4
1704 It’s either this or Hell’s newest hit show, Chicago Sanitation. 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1705 This is worse than Hell! We have to watch Fox! 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1706 This is why it's called Limbo! 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1707 It’s hell without cable. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1708 Coming attractions. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1709 The carbon tax here must be hell. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1710 Who needs to watch "Naked & Afraid" when you can be naked and afraid. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1711 It's this or Fox News. 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1712 Must be a cooking channel. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1713 Typical, we only get the Fireplace Channel. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1714 Lucky we're not in Hawaii. 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1715 Season 1 was better. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1716 funny how I used to hate pledge week and now I miss it 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1717 No one's made it to the end so there's no spoilers! 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
1718 The first circle of hell is just fire safety training videos. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1719 We knew it would be bad, but, for the love of GOD we don't even get cable? 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1720 Glad I was able to squeeze into this orientation session. What'd I miss? 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1721 The other place has HD, cable, and a remote that works. 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1722 Showing 'The Naked and The Dead' every night does not mean he's witty. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1723 He keeps promising us a bathroom break at the next commercial. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1724 Pretty good reception down here. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1725 The torture is that there's no remote. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1726 For what I did, I don't deserve to be in the overflow room. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1727 They don't even have cable. It really *is* hell. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1728 His Dad set these parental controls after the Fall. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1729 This is white collar Hell. 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
1730 Orientation. 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
1731 No cable and only ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN & FOX... this really IS Hell. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1732 He's gone carbon neutral. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1733 Unfortunately, it's not fake news. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1734 During orientation you will learn it is not so much the heat as it is the humidity. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1735 You will now be divided into four groups as follows. Rare, medium rare, medium and well done. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1736 I swear to God touch me one more time and I'll call him over! 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1737 We only get one channel, it's Hillary's burning emails. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1738 Eh, the book was better 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1739 No more actual brimstone; blame legal. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1740 The reception is good but the content is hell. 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1741 What in Hell are we watching? 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1742 This isn't exactly the reception I expected.... 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
1743 No flat screen? Now I know we're in hell. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1744 Actually, you don't get the full experience without the smell of brimstone. 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
1745 I heard that this part of the orientation lasts 1000 years. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1746 Is this the prequel? 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1747 The GOOD news is that you’ll have TV. The BAD news is that you’ll have TV. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1748 The Rapture will be televised. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1749 I hate it when he makes us watch the news 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
1750 This show is so hot right now. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1751 So this is where all the ratings are coming from. 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
1752 So is this today's weather or the forecast? 1.3200 0.05840 100 74 20 6
1753 The reception isn't great, but we also get Fox News down here. 1.3182 0.05314 110 80 25 5
1754 On Christmas they switch to the yule log! 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
1755 Good thing you’re not in that shithole 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1756 Is it me, or has Satan been absolutely insufferable ever since he landed the deal with Netflix? 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
1757 Eternal Damnation Yule Log ... Priceless. 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1758 This is just until they complete the natural gas installation. 1.3178 0.06027 107 82 16 9
1759 But there weren't enough of us to help him win the popular vote 1.3178 0.06171 107 83 14 10
1760 The real sin here is analog TV. 1.3178 0.05410 107 78 24 5
1761 Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, now we have to watch 'Reality TV in Hell'. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1762 Note to Sartre: Hell is TV without cable. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1763 The worst part is there are no subtitles 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1764 It's like the new museum but without the exit through the gift shop. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1765 I was a fixer for a major client. And you? 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1766 Hannity isn't even trying anymore 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1767 I thought this was a place for rich people. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1768 So what, they just alternate this and The Jersey Shore? 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1769 Well it is better than the View. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1770 Oh, great, more reruns. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1771 I heard that this is just temporary...till the icecaps are melted 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1772 The picture is great! It’s almost as if we are there. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1773 At the commercial break we get to watch infomercials for 170 years. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1774 The first season was so much better. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1775 The only channel we get down here is FOX News. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1776 You really do know this is hell. No cable, just rabbit ears and the same damn channel. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1777 "...devilishly funny.." Peter Travers, Rolling Stone 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1778 This place seems to be outdated. Wanna get the hell outta here? 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1779 You know, I thought watching C-SPAN was painful enough. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1780 Commercial free is not always a good thing. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1781 The orientation IS hell. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1782 Forget about the outdated television, I thought there'd be more be more Black people here. 1.3173 0.06301 104 81 13 10
1783 At least they don't get cable news down here. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1784 It doesn't really pack the same punch on the small screen. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1785 Rabbit ears. Now there's your real hell. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1786 From what I hear,viewer discretion is advised. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1787 In Purgatory we just get the trailer. 1.3173 0.04976 104 73 29 2
1788 One channel and there's nothing to see. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1789 It was either this or Fox & Friends. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1790 This is only the 6th Level. The 7th makes you deal with cable. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1791 I can't say much for their customer service, but it's a helluva improvement over Comcast's. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1792 At least on the other channels you get snow. 1.3173 0.06301 104 81 13 10
1793 No matter what he says, don't pull his tail. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1794 Ugh. Reality TV again tonight. 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1795 Looks like our Amazon Fire account runs through eternity. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1796 So far so good--no long PowerPoints and no icebreaker games. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1797 It's a commercial for your new home; it runs twenty-four seven. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1798 I’m surprised how good the reception is down here. 1.3173 0.05161 104 74 27 3
1799 Oh this again, I've seen this a least thousand times. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1800 Welcome to orientation. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1801 He’s just trying to scare us. It’s only a movie on a crappy old TV. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1802 You know, I directed this. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1803 Did I miss Judge Judy? 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1804 Well, looks like Sartre got it all wrong ! 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1805 Of course, no cable. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1806 Must be Christmas Eve. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1807 I think I'm in the wrong orientation session. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1808 Must be Purgatory. Hell would be Trump. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1809 I heard the new torture is having to watch & listen to a Sarah Huckabee Sanders press briefing...on a loop... 1.3173 0.06301 104 81 13 10
1810 And there's no way to "skip ad". 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1811 It’s worse than I thought. 24 hours a day of Fox News. 1.3173 0.06447 104 82 11 11
1812 I just hope there are no ads. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1813 Tomorrow we watch C-Span. 1.3173 0.06301 104 81 13 10
1814 Not one of us is really looking at the TV. 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1815 I wish it was fake news. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1816 I hear he's working on a syndication deal with Fox. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1817 How did you end up in economy class? 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1818 I hear heaven has cable. 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1819 If it were heaven, that'd be a digital flat screen. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1820 Isn't this a bit of overkill? 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1821 When he's mad, he switches it to "Everybody Loves Raymond." 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1822 I brought a doctor's note to Jury Duty, too, and they didn't make me stay for Orientation. Just saying... 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1823 The naked truth ... this is virtual hell! 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1824 I heard that in the 8th Circle, the only thing you get to watch are "The Apprentice" reruns. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1825 He'd probably get more heat if he put a little tin foil on the antenna. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1826 To hell with Amazon Fire TV. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1827 Standby for words from Donald F. Trump. 1.3173 0.06301 104 81 13 10
1828 What are you doing after the movie? 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1829 I was prepared for the heat, but standard definition? 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1830 I hate re-runs... 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1831 We should have researched the timeshare before we took the free vacation. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1832 I've seen this one before, it's another re-heat. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1833 In Heaven they have a 60 inch flat screen 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1834 TV helps me take my mind off of things. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1835 What the Hell? 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1836 They switch it to the Yule Log once a year, but in July, just to mess with us. 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1837 Could be a lot worse, like old Lawrence Welk shows. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1838 Anybody seen the remote? 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1839 It's more consuming than I expected. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1840 The safety videos always bore me. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1841 Thinking 'bout changing my church membership. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1842 Think he'd turn on the ball game if I asked nicely? 1.3173 0.06301 104 81 13 10
1843 At least it's real news. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1844 I'm not sure the network is ready for "Naked Apprentices". 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1845 Apparently there's also a special place in hell for nudists. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1846 You're a newbie? Well, we've just completed 400 years of 24/7 Gilligan's Island reruns. Next is The Apprentice. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1847 It used to be a PowerPoint. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1848 I know our EPA boss says we have to watch FOX, but did they have to take our clothes too? 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1849 I've seen it before. It's not so hot. 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1850 It's this or Fox. 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1851 Even Hades accepts climate change as a reality. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1852 The ultimate punishment...Reality TV! 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
1853 This may be a case where the movie is actually better than the book! 1.3173 0.05339 104 75 25 4
1854 And right when this orientation was looking promising. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1855 If I knew we couldn't get cable I would have behaved better. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1856 I always saw Lucifer as a Fox News kinda guy. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1857 No cable! What the hell? 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1858 It only gets PBS 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1859 Eternity is a long replay 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1860 This next bit's my favorite. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1861 Wait, and you are sure we are not in the White House? 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1862 I was pretty confident we would be able to get Fox News down here. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1863 I heard the orientation makes it seem worse than it is. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1864 I'm actually a fan of reality TV. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1865 Next up: 30 continuous days of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1866 It's not as bad as having to watch reruns of The Apprentice. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1867 I'm more confused than ever about this whole purgatory thing. 1.3163 0.05542 98 71 23 4
1868 No, I think the punishment here is that it's an old model tube television. 1.3163 0.06255 98 75 15 8
1869 Anything less than 3840 x 2160 pixels is hell for me. 1.3153 0.05427 111 82 23 6
1870 It's called "The Insurance Channel." 1.3148 0.05978 108 83 16 9
1871 I hear if you don't behave, they send you back. 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1872 We’ll damn! The rumors about hell being owned by the cable companies are true! 1.3148 0.05831 108 82 18 8
1873 In Heaven, I hear it's fluffy clouds on HD Flat Screens. 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1874 I am naked and afraid. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1875 Who says this is worse than trying to unsubscribe from Comcast? 1.3143 0.05466 105 77 23 5
1876 In an act of pure torture, the devil played fire and brimstone on TV instead of the royal wedding. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1877 The first season was so much better. 1.3143 0.06248 105 82 13 10
1878 I bet you I can flip this place in a week with an upgraded home theater system and central air install. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1879 Damn, another rerun. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1880 Reruns, again? It's like they want us to suffer. 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1881 Hey, I love the Yule Log! 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1882 For an orientation video, the production values aren't bad. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1883 Well, it's better than Fox. 1.3143 0.05948 105 80 17 8
1884 They said there was a special place for television show critics... 1.3143 0.06100 105 81 15 9
1885 I didn't realize pre-marital counseling was so intense. 1.3143 0.05948 105 80 17 8
1886 Actually, this isn’t the hellish part. Just wait for Fox News to begin. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1887 I hate reality TV. 1.3143 0.06100 105 81 15 9
1888 Last week it was reruns of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo." 1.3143 0.05948 105 80 17 8
1889 I've been to worse orientations. 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1890 Direct feed to Fox News...this is hell! 1.3143 0.06100 105 81 15 9
1891 You'll receive a certificate when you complete your orientation. 1.3143 0.05948 105 80 17 8
1892 I hate when people force you to watch their favorite TV show. 1.3143 0.05296 105 76 25 4
1893 To be honest, I never saw boobs on Earth. 1.3137 0.05020 102 72 28 2
1894 It's not even HD. Can it get any worse? 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1895 God I'd kill to watch The Crown right now. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1896 I didn't know that watching the world go up in flames would get such high ratings. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1897 Heaven must have cable. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1898 If that is all hell is, it was worth it. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1899 Huh - more fake news. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1900 It's an orientation video. I'm told it's narrated by the President. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1901 In heaven they get flatscreens. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1902 I guess the cable deal I sold my soul for expired when I died. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1903 The recession sure is hitting Hell hard. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1904 They’re trying to reduce global warming 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1905 I don’t know what’s worse — being naked or having Spectrum as our cable provider. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1906 Forced to stand and watch the Weather Channel forever... about what I expected. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1907 It's like the holiday yule log video only with brimstone. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1908 Well, where would you hide the remote? 1.3137 0.05020 102 72 28 2
1909 It's exactly like they pictured it on TV. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1910 reality tv. 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
1911 The cable companies are in a different circle of Hell. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1912 Their virtual reality isn't exactly cutting-edge, is it? 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1913 Yes, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada. Shut up and watch the orientation program already! 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1914 Are they serving lunch after the promotional video, or do we have to listen to him pitch the place as well? 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1915 They're going to force us to watch "Towering Inferno" in black & white. 1.3137 0.05210 102 73 26 3
1916 We got a much better view than the folks who are going to be looking at the side of the TV for eternity. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1917 Reality TV has gone to hell. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1918 You have to watch the sales pitch to get the free vacation. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1919 Aw, hell, I think it’s a rerun! 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1920 I got here late, but it think it's the "Coming Attractions". 1.3137 0.05020 102 72 28 2
1921 Don’t you hate it when the previews gives away the ending? 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1922 On the plus side, it's commercial-free. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1923 It'll be much worse once they get HDTV... 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
1924 I hope he votes me off on tonight's episode. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1925 Don't worry about the picture quality. ?Beelzebub announced that the cable installer would be here between 8 a.m. and eternity. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1926 I don’t remember reading about this in the Terms and Conditions. 1.3137 0.06382 102 80 12 10
1927 Seriously? 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1928 The smoke alarm kept going off. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1929 In Heaven the streets are lined with 110 inch Ultra HD TV's and angels bring you buttered popcorn. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1930 And I thought Satan ran the cable TV industry. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1931 Makes me hot, how about you? 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1932 It’s a documentary about the environment. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1933 Nice of him to ease us into it. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1934 I wrote GEICO ads when I was alive. You? 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1935 These days they just make us watch the fireplace channel 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1936 I can handle the heat, but having to watch Fox News is just the worst. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1937 Orientation. I can see why they don't go to a lot of expense. It's a pretty easy concept to grasp. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1938 Let's hope it's fake news. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1939 No! No! It’s just a prelude to the White House press briefing. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1940 The worst part is finding out that Hell hasn't gone digital yet. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1941 Don't worry folks. IT'S DRY HEAT! 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1942 Local news — always with such doom and gloom. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1943 All this plasma here and He can’t manage to scare up a flat screen tv? 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1944 amazing reception for rabbit ears 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1945 I have had enough of this reality TV! 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1946 Spoiler Alert. It doesn’t end well. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1947 I'm just glad it's not another 'Roseanne' rerun. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1948 I heard they have all the cable channels in heaven. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1949 It really doesn't live up to the hype. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1950 I hear that in the seventh circle they have Netflix 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1951 Something tells me this isn’t fake news. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1952 The fire orientation is very retro, but I heard the brimstone orientation is a multimedia extravaganza! 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1953 No, actually, this is Hellish. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1954 It's really not that different from home. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1955 It's less painful than I had imagined, but more depressing. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1956 They did say that the timeshare pitch would be for a hell of a trip to a hotspot destination. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1957 I never knew how much I'd miss cable. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1958 The cable is down, surprise 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1959 I never imagined it would be this chilly here. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1960 I don't think we really need a preview. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1961 Today's forecast: Hot with a 20% chance of brimstone 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1962 This is kinda nice. The wife and I used to watch a Yule Log on TV around the holidays. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1963 Hell is not having cable. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1964 Don’t worry the pilot is always the worst episode 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1965 This really is hell....no cable! 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1966 I totally just saw where the loop started again. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1967 It's definitely hell because there's no remote. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1968 I heard heaven has a 52" flat panel. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1969 I can't change it! Someone's stolen the remote. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1970 I’m beginning to think this fire and brimstone talk is fake news 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1971 The genius of this place is not having a remote. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1972 You would think he could afford a flatscreen. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1973 When I first got here I was relieved, but after a while it's as boring as hell. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1974 You are hot. So am I. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1975 Mind telling me what the hell is going on? 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1976 These virtual tours are okay but they just don't capture the soul of eternal damnation. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1977 It's just not the same experience when viewed online. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1978 For every show, from Walking Dead to Game of Thrones, they cut the last ten minutes. I tell you, it's hell. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1979 Hey, it could be worse. In the innermost circle they have to stand on stilettos and watch The Kardashians for eternity. 1.3137 0.06382 102 80 12 10
1980 Clothed captioning is only available on the upstairs TV. 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
1981 Do you think they get cable in heaven? 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1982 Okay...the fight against global warming has gotten seriously out of hand! 1.3137 0.05020 102 72 28 2
1983 Every so often the antenna picks up brimstone. 1.3137 0.05020 102 72 28 2
1984 ¨Who keeps telling him not to change it?¨ 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1985 I heard they have flat screens in heaven. I shouldn't have used the carpool lane alone... 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1986 Turns out, the worst thing really is waiting for the cable guy. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1987 I hear you get an iPod in heaven. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
1988 Welcome to Hell, it’s cable with only one channel! 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1989 On Tuesday’s we watch Backdraft. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1990 What the hell... no flat screen!? 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1991 Don't say a word otherwise it's back to Fox News! 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1992 It's called "Hell on Earth". It's our favorite show since Trump took office. 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
1993 This movie is making me hot! 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1994 He's saving tons with this fire video since the price of oil went up. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1995 24/7 newstainment...this must be hell. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1996 Coming up next: brimstone! 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1997 It's mandatory viewing once every thousand years. Seems the people in HR just don't get it. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1998 I hear the other place has Hulu. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1999 Do we have to watch is vacation videos again? 1.3137 0.05210 102 73 26 3
2000 Don’t even think about changing the channel. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
2001 Wow! Great reception for rabbit ears! 1.3125 0.05795 96 71 20 5
2002 Oh, we're in Hell alright; not only is that not a flat screen, it's the only channel. 1.3113 0.05423 106 78 23 5
2003 Sound is terrible, but it's a Hell of a picture! 1.3111 0.06447 90 69 14 7
2004 Fox News would have been hell. 1.3107 0.05524 103 76 22 5
2005 Beats watching the news. 1.3107 0.05349 103 75 24 4
2006 I never liked the Yule log much either 1.3107 0.06019 103 79 16 8
2007 These time-share presentations are hell! 1.3107 0.05858 103 78 18 7
2008 Down here you can't expect more than local programming. 1.3107 0.06175 103 80 14 9
2009 At least they let me keep my glasses for this. 1.3107 0.05349 103 75 24 4
2010 Actually, I would rather be cast into a real lake of fire. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2011 It's a lot cheaper than keeping those fires going constantly. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
2012 A blatant violation of net neutrality. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2013 One person sues Hell one time, and now we all have to attend the annual safety presentation. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
2014 It looks a lot less scary on a black and white TV. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2015 That's right. 66 episodes of Game of Thrones... we will never play the 67th. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2016 When Millenials said we Baby Boomers would go to Hell for what we did to the environment, they weren't kidding. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
2017 We finally got it-nothing is real to us unless we see it on TV. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2018 Who'd a thought we'd be the one's to benefit from global warming?! 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
2019 No cable and a small vintage '50s TV. Yeah, it's hell. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2020 “Heat rises, so they get global warming up top and mark my words, we’ll start to freeze down here”. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2021 Anywhere else and all we'd get would be snow. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2022 McLuhan was obviously wrong, but I didn't think I'd learn it this way. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2023 It's Hell alright. Not even flat screen TV. 1.3100 0.05260 100 72 25 3
2024 This is the snowball episode. One of my favorites. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2025 ...ZERO plot development. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2026 See? Even hell signed the Paris Agreement. That was our Downfall. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2027 It could be worse - they could play Fox News. 1.3100 0.06308 100 78 13 9
2028 You know those old tube sets gave off a lot of heat. 1.3100 0.04861 100 70 29 1
2029 Of course it's Hell. They don't have cable. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2030 I'm not afraid and I'm available for infinity. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2031 I think this new format of "Fox and Friends" really sizzles. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2032 How is this different? 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2033 Flat screens and cable would be heaven. 1.3100 0.05260 100 72 25 3
2034 Well this a let down. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2035 Nothing but white people and basic cable, clearly this is hell. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2036 After the introductory video , we pair off and resume sinning. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2037 I heard that people started complaining about the smoke so the board was forced to make changes. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2038 Enough Weather Channel already. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2039 Well, this is one benefit to the soaring price of oil. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
2040 The forecast for tonight is extra crispy! 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2041 So, THIS is hot sex. It's worse than I thought 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2042 Rumor has it they’re watching Roseanne in heaven. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2043 The worst part is there is an ad every 5 minutes. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
2044 At least it's commercial-free. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
2045 "Naked and Afraid' is wickedly popular down here. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2046 If we want the Super Bowl we have to put up with the local ads. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
2047 Last time we only had to throw our books in. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
2048 You wanna Netflix and burn in hell tonight? 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
2049 I sold my soul to cable tv when I was 12. How about you? 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2050 These YouTube instructional videos really are helpful 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
2051 The people of the United States gathering to watch Trump's State of the Union address 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
2052 This must be Hell. No cable! 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
2053 It's official. Trump is the only person anywhere not trying to reduce carbon emissions. 1.3086 0.06722 81 62 13 6
2054 That's why it's called Hell. There's only one channel and only one show. 1.3085 0.05459 94 68 23 3
2055 This IS Hell! --3 channels with nothing on. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
2056 Just what I expected. All commercials. 1.3077 0.05647 104 78 20 6
2057 When the commercials come on, they try to sell you Kool-Aid 1.3077 0.05810 104 79 18 7
2058 Is Gordon Ramsay going to come out? 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
2059 It's like his soul's not in this anymore. 1.3069 0.06253 101 79 13 9
2060 It’s something called Honey Boo Boo. 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
2061 None of us read the fine print on that Amazon Fire stick. 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
2062 All their pants were on fire, and the news covered it. 1.3069 0.05927 101 77 17 7
2063 With all that fracking up top, they ran out of things to burn. 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
2064 I find the fake flames kind of tacky, but he says the gas bill was getting out of hand. 1.3069 0.06092 101 78 15 8
2065 Climate change, my ass! 1.3069 0.06092 101 78 15 8
2066 Reality tv for eternity - my personal hell. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2067 Try thinking of it as a Yule log, 24/365. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2068 This is NOT what it looked like in the brochure... 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2069 I've already seen this one 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2070 Beelzebub said it’s to minimize our carbon footprint. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2071 My lawyer says I'll be out in 3 months. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2072 'You'll burn in hell,' " was a little overstated, wasn't it? 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2073 Dang! I already saw this one! 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2074 Apparently Hell doesn't have cable, either. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2075 I heard they get basic cable in Limbo. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2076 My parents warned me there was only one channel down here. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2077 I know the guy that directed this. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2078 I’m glad we all get together to watch Flame Of Thrones. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2079 Hi, I'm Stu. I'm a sagittarius, love cats, and cultural immersion vacations. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2080 I really need a hearing aid- I thought she told me to go to Haiti... 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2081 Grey's Anatomy has gotten ridiculous. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2082 The weather report is for continued hot. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2083 Hell is a TV with only one channel. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2084 Rabbit ears! When was the last time you saw rabbit ears! 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2085 I’ve been to better orientation sessions 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2086 One channel for eternity? I should have been a better person. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2087 No Netflix. Figures. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2088 Who the H..E.. double hockey sticks died and made this guy lord of the under world? 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2089 It’s just a fireplace video he’s using while he switches to geothermal. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2090 Oh no. It’s that damned Yule log again. 1.3061 0.05109 98 70 26 2
2091 You know you're in Hell when you only get one channel on the box. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2092 Orientation Day video. Ugh! This is gonna be hell. 1.3061 0.04899 98 69 28 1
2093 This OSHA safety video is supposed to be 15 minutes long, but it feels like an eternity! 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2094 Once again, it's going to be a scorcher. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2095 I'll be damned. It's the Yule Log. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2096 Just as I suspected, no remote. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2097 Of course I think you're hot...... 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2098 Ever since the election it’s been too cold to go outside. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2099 If I new it was going to be like this I would have been a lot badder. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2100 These public service announcements are always about fire safety. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2101 We call it "Netflix and Burn." 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2102 It's worse than I imagined... No cable! 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2103 Apparently they've got flat screens in the other place 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2104 This program may contain some nudity. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2105 I guess this means that hell has finally frozen over, huh? 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2106 I heard God let’s his souls watch Judge Judy 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
2107 These safety training videos always crack me up 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
2108 Bah...another reality show... 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2109 Orientation videos - seen one, seen them all... 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2110 This is where we came in 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2111 It came down to paying the gas or the cable bill. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2112 Hell is not having cable and all you get is reruns of the apocalypse. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2113 The accommodations are OK, but the reception is lousy. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2114 And I found out about my eternal damnation via text message. 1.3061 0.06553 98 78 10 10
2115 Wow. They're using an Amazon fire stick. 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
2116 We can pick this or Roseanne. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2117 Oh cool, I love this show! 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2118 I would have lived my life differently if I'd known there was no basic cable. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2119 OMG, it's worst than I feared, It's black and white only. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2120 It's horrid. And they won't let us see the first season. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2121 I hear they have cable in heaven. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2122 Analog? What kind of hellhole is this?! 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2123 This must be Heaven... heh heh... boobs. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2124 I heard NBC picked up another eternity of this after it got cancelled. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2125 Things certainly have changed down here ever since the Cubs won the World Series. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2126 Well, at least there aren't any commercials on Hellovision... 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2127 It reminds me of our honeymoon cruise and the only DVD they had was Titanic. 1.3061 0.04899 98 69 28 1
2128 It was on TLC, but we complained. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2129 I find his rallies very motivating - if he can get elected president, then any of us can. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2130 I love The Real Housewives of Hades 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2131 Down here, they can only pick up three channels: Fox, Home Shopping Network, and the Yule Log. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
2132 I'll play the devils advocate and say its the weather channel. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2133 I still don't understand what this has to do with white privilege. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2134 I heard they're cutting down on heating costs 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
2135 These timeshare presentations really are hellish 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2136 So, hell is having no cable. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
2137 Hell gets 300 channels and it’s flames on every one of them! 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2138 It's to reduce their carbon emissions. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
2139 These timeshare promotions keep getting more intense. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
2140 Well, at least it's better than watching Fox News 1.3061 0.06553 98 78 10 10
2141 Don’t tell him it’s a rerun. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
2142 It's not as bad as I thought it would be, and yet, it's also kinda worse. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
2143 I don't know about you, but the laugh track really takes me out of the moment. 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
2144 There are no flatscreens in hell. 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
2145 It is truly hell without cable. 1.3030 0.05998 99 76 16 7
2146 I mean, how cheap can you get? 1.3030 0.06168 99 77 14 8
2147 Hell is not having a remote. 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
2148 Yeah, but it's a hell of a channel! 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
2149 This is good. I was afraid Bill O’Reilly would be doing orientation. 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
2150 I guess we really are in Hell... they don't even have basic cable. 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
2151 And now,a word from our sponsor. 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
2152 They get 60" flat screens up in Purgatory. 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
2153 Budget Cuts 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
2154 Your AccuWeather forecast says it's going to be hotter than hell today. 1.3030 0.05266 99 72 24 3
2155 An "Introduction to Hell" video? What a thoughtful gesture toward us atheists! 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2156 Now, we just have to watch this quick fire-safety video before we can start all of the fun. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2157 These timeshare videos are so boring. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2158 He's trying to cut down on CO2 emissions 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2159 They can't get cable. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2160 It would look a lot worse in HD. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2161 And, on cable we get The Omen , and , one day per year , we get to watch the Yule Log. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2162 Well, at least we have the Yule Log channel. 1.3021 0.06304 96 75 13 8
2163 Don't complain or he'll put on C-Span. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2164 OH HECK! 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2165 Oh no! It's another Trump rally! 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2166 This is the first circle. Second circle, Home Shopping Network. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2167 I produced “Project Runway”. You? 1.3021 0.06475 96 76 11 9
2168 It kinda reminds me of the Yule Log we used to watch on Christmas Eve. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2169 He always shows his vacation videos at this time of year. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2170 This is the special hell for baby boomers. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2171 You think this is punishing? Wait until the car insurance commercials start. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2172 Next, they will tell us it is freezing over! 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2173 There's a lower level for advanced sinners. Down there they show non-stop commercials. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2174 It's not the heat, it's the humidity 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2175 If I knew we wouldn't have HD, I would've paid more attention to those commandments... 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2176 It's probably a lot more effective in the theater in IMAX with multi-channel sound and big subwoofers. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2177 It's fake torment. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2178 We lucked out, channel 56 is showing penguins walking on their own excrement. 1.3021 0.06304 96 75 13 8
2179 At least we have VHF. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2180 200 channels and nothing on. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2181 It's a cost-cutting measure. The price of burning sulfur has gone thru the.. whatever they have here for a roof. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2182 This is a short preview of your ultimate destination. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2183 “I hear they’re having trouble making a sequel because this one’s eternal. 1.3021 0.06475 96 76 11 9
2184 Of course, the worst part are the commercials. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2185 Damn, it's the Yule Log. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2186 It's going to be hell down here without cable. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2187 He’s calling this reality TV 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2188 You'd think it would at least be in colour. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2189 No, it's just like heaven here, but without cable. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2190 This movie goes on forever. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2191 You can literally feel the heat, can't you? 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2192 It beats watching FOX. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2193 I hope this first date isn't moving too fast for you. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2194 Analog TV? We really ARE in hell! 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2195 It's virtually hell 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2196 I guess you know you're in hell when you realize you've avoided every opportunity to look good naked, and this is the result. That, and there's only one channel... 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2197 Don't let the hot flames get to you, after midnight we get snow. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2198 It's not even in HD! Now I know what hell is! 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2199 It's pledge week. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2200 We thought it was going to be in color. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2201 Looks like a lot of people went through hell to get into this program. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2202 Real Housewives of Hell is on next 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2203 Relax, it’s a nudist colony. What the hell can go wrong? 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2204 Same old hellfire, brimstone and eternal damnation. Nothing but reruns again. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2205 Yes, but after we learned they only get C-SPAN in the other place, no one really complains here anymore. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2206 Welcome to Heck. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2207 I bet heaven is just as over-hyped. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
2208 At least, there are no commercials. That would be torture. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2209 I so hate it when the trailer reveals all the best scenes. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2210 As a loyal viewer of Fox & Friends, how bad can it be? 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2211 The real hell is watching the ads before the video starts. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2212 I would have been a better person if I'd known hell was an eternity without streaming and only one local channel to watch. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2213 I can't believe we lost the remote 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2214 No one here has ever paid for Netflix. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
2215 You'd better wake up Donald. Fox & Friends is about to start. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2216 Eternal flames I could take, but eternal re-runs? 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
2217 No 4K 80 inch flat screen? This really is Hell. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
2218 What will burn our eyes is this old screen resolution. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
2219 Break's over. Back to Fox News. 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
2220 You'd think he could afford an HDTV. 1.2990 0.06072 97 75 15 7
2221 Here we go with another episode of Satan’s Got Talent. 1.2990 0.06072 97 75 15 7
2222 Looks like we have the correct attire! 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
2223 I hope it warms up after orientation! 1.2990 0.05707 97 73 19 5
2224 Has anyone tried adjusting the brightness control? 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
2225 I can’t remember. Is it a virtual or literal hell in here? 1.2990 0.05707 97 73 19 5
2226 This isn't the Disco Inferno I was expecting. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2227 Is this virtual reality? 1.2990 0.05707 97 73 19 5
2228 Who knew the budget cuts would reach these depths? 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2229 What? One channel...one program...!?! This IS pure hell! 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
2230 They said it would be just like we were there... 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
2231 I've heard it gets better in season two. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
2232 Welcome to virtual hell. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
2233 Hell of a show. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
2234 Breaking news, my ass. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2235 This isn't even the worst part. They don't have free wifi. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2236 Fake news - they didn't get the climate change update - hell WILL be freezing over. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
2237 I never thought I would say this, but let's get dressed and find cable. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2238 You’d expect Lucifer to have cable. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
2239 And yet no one cares the TSA has gone this far. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
2240 I wish he would get to the brimstone channel already. 1.2979 0.04978 94 67 26 1
2241 When Amazon asked me to test its Fire TV, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2242 Trust me, this beats the Kardashians. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
2243 This is what's waiting for Fox News. 1.2979 0.06563 94 75 10 9
2244 In Heaven they have flat screens and videos of clouds. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2245 He’s obviously never been to Burning Man. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2246 And I thought cable was hell. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2247 I wish I had known about the seven-hour orientation before I pulled the trigger. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2248 Furnace went down so we’re forced to binge watch. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2249 The TV reception is better than we had at the White House. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2250 Actually, I'm not sure which is worse 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2251 I was bad in a conventional sort of way, but if I had known that the whole fire and brimstone thing would be televised and not real, I think I would have pushed my badness factor way beyond conventional. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2252 It’s an economy package, just Fox and the other local channels. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2253 You think in hell we'd at least get a flat screen 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2254 I’m just here for the free buffet. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
2255 I'm sorta enjoying this. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
2256 They were right about hell but embarrassingly wrong about the fire. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
2257 Who knew budget cuts would have a plus side. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2258 I always said 'hell is not being able to change the channel on a rerun.' 1.2979 0.05202 94 68 24 2
2259 He’s hitting all the targets now for reduced emissions. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2260 Lacks verisimilitude. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
2261 I was told we'd be watching "The Naked and the Dead." 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2262 Great! I love coming attractions. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
2263 And mom said,"Be sure to wear clean underwear!" 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2264 Thank God that I don't see my parents - and that we get Fox News down here. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
2265 It just hasn't been the same since the budget cuts 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2266 The real hell is having to deal with rabbit ears again. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2267 Slow tv, a homogenous crowd, liberal nudity? I swear, it used to be heavenly to be Danish. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
2268 It's okay, but the book was better. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2269 What the hell are we watching tonight? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2270 This orientation video is kinda depressing. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2271 I guess Satan is trying to reduce his carbon hoofprint. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
2272 You don't realize how much you miss high-definition until you don't have it. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2273 This is the part where fire burns for eternity. Spoiler alert. 1.2979 0.05202 94 68 24 2
2274 I told you they don't have cable. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2275 I'm not sure this orientation video is necessary. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
2276 Like drinking hot tea in summer - it'll make you feel cooler. 1.2979 0.04978 94 67 26 1
2277 Baby Boomers don't need to experience the real thing -- they find that televised flames are just as effective. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2278 This must be that cold day in hell that my wife kept talking about. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2279 He calls it reality TV. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2280 It's like that classic Yule log fireplace program - only with more torture. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2281 There's no choice. All programs are titled Burn in Hell. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2282 I understand they have HDTVs in heaven. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2283 Who died and made him God? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2284 It minimizes our carbon footprint. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
2285 I don't know why, but watching the evening news always depresses me. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2286 We are doomed to watch the Christmas log for eternity! 1.2979 0.06563 94 75 10 9
2287 Thank heavens, there are no commercials! 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2288 We've been acquired by Sinclair. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2289 It's Sean Hannity's new graphic. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
2290 Scary stuff, but Shark Week is coming in 2 days. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2291 Broadcast? Non-HD? This IS Hell. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2292 Rabbit ears? Seriously? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2293 Why do they bother? Does anyone actually watch TV in the waiting room? 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
2294 It's a rerun. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2295 It was either this or The Disney Channel. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2296 They start with the fire. Then the fury. But its all rather derivative. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2297 I always seem to be in the overflow crowd. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2298 Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Fox News, and Trump's tweets...this is hell! 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
2299 World's on fire, let's watch TV 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2300 Sure the last resort had cable, but this place seems more upfront about the costs. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2301 That’s one hell of a show. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
2302 Fox’s fake flames. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
2303 Now what do we do for fun? The TV’s gone to hell! 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
2304 I wasn't expecting a full display of the nether regions. 1.2959 0.06190 98 77 13 8
2305 Next time we Netflix and chill. 1.2949 0.07093 78 62 9 7
2306 Who would ever think that eating one apple could cause all of this? 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
2307 This is where people go who complain about cable. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
2308 Guessing we shouldn’t ask about broadband. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
2309 This must be Hell, they're making us watch on an analog TV. 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
2310 I believe he said we will have to watch Fox News all day. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
2311 Apparently all these fires were releasing a lot of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. 1.2947 0.06147 95 74 14 7
2312 After the video, want to get out of here and have a drink? 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
2313 Let's get the hell out of here 1.2947 0.06147 95 74 14 7
2314 I hear this show just got picked up for another eternity of seasons. 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
2315 Whenever Paul Ryan's on they call us up here to watch 1.2947 0.06147 95 74 14 7
2316 Who knew that eternity too was virtual? 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2317 Is that it? 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2318 When I said my idea of hell is not having a flat panel HDTV, I did not realize this would be taken so literally... 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2319 It's the same on every channel. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2320 Sure as hell he's not forking over for cable. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2321 It should be cooler when we get there, they say that television adds 20 degrees. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2322 I remember when there was fire everywhere and a Hershey's Bar only cost a nickel! 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2323 A cost savings move by Corporate. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2324 Agreed, its not much on ambiance but so much better for air quality. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2325 See everyone wants to be a director,...don’t say anything but he’s no Hitchcock. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2326 I still only hear 'Laurel.' 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2327 When you live with millions of accountants, sooner or later you're going to make cuts. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2328 We can't complain too much. At least they have an Amazon fire stick. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2329 we are, after all, genetically programmed to gather round the fire. 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
2330 Looks like limbo isn't so bad at all. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2331 That may be so, but wait until they realize it’s on an infinite loop. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2332 I know he's famous for "YOU'RE FIRED", but I never thought he really meant "GO TO HELL." 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2333 Eternal reruns of the Trump presidency, it's the new hell. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2334 I’m really getting tired of porn. Let’s toast some marshmellows. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2335 Did they say what time the Yankee's game starts? 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2336 I'm so tired of reality television 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2337 These are vanity glasses. I can see just fine. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2338 Orientation is hell. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2339 Is it just me or is it warm in here? 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2340 I told you, it's non-stop fake news. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2341 Hard to believe rabbit ears work here. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2342 I'd really like to twist those knobs one last time. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2343 The power of suggestion is not working. I still feel chilled. 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
2344 Everlasting fire just became too resource-intensive. 1.2935 0.06473 92 73 11 8
2345 Funny thing is, it totally dominates its time slot. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2346 For the holidays he throws in a Yule log. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2347 If I knew it was going to be like this, my life on earth would have been a lot rowdier. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2348 It’s okay in December, otherwise the Yule Log gets old fast. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2349 It's his answer to the Yule log! 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2350 The programming has really gone to hell. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2351 It's endless and lacks passion, but as adaptations go, I've seen worse. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2352 I hear the cable guy is going to hook us up between 'abandon hope' and 'never.' 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
2353 Looks like the Devil got the hell taxed out of him, too. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2354 I've already seen this one on my hand-held. It goes on for an eternity! 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2355 I always enjoy it when Lucifer explores his more conceptual side. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2356 He loves sharing his holiday videos. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2357 . . . and not enough eternal tormentors either. I don't think they were counting on the number of congressmen. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2358 Only one channel? This really is torture! 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
2359 My dry cleaner and cable provider are already here. 1.2935 0.06473 92 73 11 8
2360 Can you believe those rabbit ears get a signal down here? 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2361 I"m waiting to see what Fox News has to say about the temperature today. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2362 I kind of like this virtual reality stuff. 1.2935 0.05017 92 66 25 1
2363 I expected the content to be a little more racy. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2364 Don't worry its just a bad dream. There's no way in Hell they could get that good a picture with just rabbit ears. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2365 It's hell not having a remote! 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2366 Poor bastard put his fire and brimstone money into Bitcoin. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2367 This is Hell. No Wi-Fi. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2368 It's my first time here so I'm actually going to find this video pretty informative. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2369 This was absolutely state of the art a few decades before any of us were born. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2370 We watch this for six months then they show Brimstone 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2371 Hell of a timeshare pitch, eh? 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2372 I guess we've made it to 'a kinder, gentler' level of Hell. 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
2373 This is so much better than the real thing. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2374 Seriously, do we all really think the weather for tomorrow will be any different? 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2375 Apparently all performance artists end up in this place. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2376 If you prefer reality TV to PBS, this is the place for you. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2377 Frankly, I think the parties have declined with Hef gone 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2378 ¨This reminds me of a bender of sorts I had in college¨ 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2379 I think we picked the wrong door. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2380 Don't you feel that this infomercial last an eternity? 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2381 Actually, I'm not in that much of a rush to get into the main chamber. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
2382 Do you come here often ? 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2383 It may not be "fair and balanced" but at least it isn't fake news. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2384 Today’s temperature is heating up to a high of “Hot As Hell” 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
2385 And the worst is, they only show Fox News ! 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
2386 What made you decide to audition for 'Naked and Afraid' ? 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
2387 Not another episode of As the World Burns- can’t we at least have cable. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
2388 Everything went to hell after they repealed net neutrality. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2389 Rumor has it in the 9th circle they get Fox News. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
2390 I have no idea why he's using a 1950s video of a Yule Log instead of his usual real fire. You'll have to ask him about that. After all, the details are in the Devil. 1.2903 0.06226 93 73 13 7
2391 Oh, that... yeah, well they’re trying something new - televised flames are more energy efficient. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2392 I guess the building doesn't allow open flames anymore. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2393 It's the rerun from "Hell." 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2394 EPA shut 'em down; excessive emissions 1.2903 0.06226 93 73 13 7
2395 Does he know this increases our chance of freezing over? 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2396 I never thought global warming would lead to this. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2397 The State of the Union speech is on next. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2398 Quit complaining. At least it's not the Fox New Channel. 1.2903 0.06411 93 74 11 8
2399 Did you watch the Royal wedding? 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2400 A virtual hellfire to cut down on carbon emissions - maybe this is environmentalist heaven. 1.2903 0.06411 93 74 11 8
2401 Orientation videos are always the real hell. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
2402 what the hell is this? 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2403 It's either this or brimstone. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2404 These budget cuts are getting out of hand. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2405 Welcome to the midterm elections! 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2406 Sure, the reality TV is always hell to watch, but not ever having to deal with the cable company makes it seem like heaven. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2407 The heaven channel has a lot less screaming. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
2408 It's time for 'What Not To Wear' 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
2409 I was really hoping for, ‘The Devil in Miss Jones.’ 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2410 It just got picked up for another billion seasons. 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
2411 I think you're really hot, but then again, I guess we'll all be soon. 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
2412 Nah. No fires. Fake News. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2413 Are you here for sexual assault too? 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2414 Look on the bright side. At least it’s not the Sean Hannity Show. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2415 I was a media mogul, so yes,... I take this personally. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2416 It's still better than reading a book. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2417 The suspense is killing me. Again. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2418 During the holidays he plays a brightly burning but festive Yule log. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2419 On the bright side, it is better to watch a virtual reality fire, than be in one for all of eternity. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2420 It's turning into a really cold day in hell. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2421 Lookit all the tits! I’m in heaven! 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2422 What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2423 I’m surprised the devil doesn’t have cable 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2424 This isn’t so bad. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2425 Nooooo! Not reality TV! 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2426 No flat screen or cable bothers me more than being naked. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2427 I'll watch the safety video, but I am not signing the release waiver. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2428 Is someone going to tell him we won’t burn in hell this way? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2429 Kilauea. It's their favorite program down here. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2430 The heating bills were out of control. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2431 Netflix and brimstone? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2432 I think it is clear. You vote for some Democrat clown you burn in hell!! 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2433 I appreciate the orientation. I hate surprises. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2434 State media. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2435 Theoretically I understand why people think its demeaning, but a person only gets so many opportunities to work for the White House. Am I right? 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2436 Since Pope Fancis came along, the fires of Hell just haven’t been the same. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2437 The Weather report looks like another hot day. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2438 I'm guessing there's only one channel. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2439 I've always been more sensitive to cold compared to everyone else, that's all 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2440 Hellfire, hellfire. Yada, yada, yada. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2441 Somehow, I thought it would be a little more realistic. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2442 Dante's 10th Circle for Millennials: 20th century TV with antenna 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2443 At noon they turn on the Big Bang Theory. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2444 I guess this is what we get for not reading our cable companies user agreement 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2445 The worst timeshare pitch ever. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2446 I always expected fire and brimstone to be a bit more scary and at least in HD 1.2889 0.06749 90 73 8 9
2447 Maybe the overflow room wasn't such a bad idea. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2448 Hey, I thought you said we weren't going to have to stand though the timeshare pitch? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2449 This is only season 1, episode 1,283,426,735 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2450 Our new zero-emissions heating system 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2451 These fake fires just don't have the feel of the real thing. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2452 At least we're dressed properly. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2453 Don't you just hate being having to be exposed to these orientation videos? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2454 The punishment gets worse. It's soap operas in the afternoon. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2455 I told you it was “Fox”. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2456 God forbid he ever changes the channel. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2457 It's supposed to be a brief presentation, then we can go tour the hot tub 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2458 Well, I'd say it's kind of got a retro, 'Make Hell Malevolent Again', vibe going for it! 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2459 Could be worse — over in the 9th ring they make them watch C-SPAN. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2460 The last thing I was expecting was a health and safety video! 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2461 That’s where our clothes went! 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2462 Its his way of upgrading you to Satan Prime. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2463 It’s hard to tell the fire from the brimstone in standard definition. 1.2889 0.05299 90 66 22 2
2464 '"You're fired!' really means something down here." 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2465 I hear they have a flatscreen up in circle three. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2466 Is it upside down? Or not? Take your time. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2467 Could have been worse. We could have been forced to watch repeat episodes of Touched by an Angel. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2468 We’ve been getting flack for our excesdive carbon footprint. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2469 I'm glad we get Fox News down here. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2470 He likes to torture us with reality tv. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2471 The scriptwriters have totally run out of ideas. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2472 The fireplace channel is all that's available. It's Hell! 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2473 I guess he's finally concerned about global warming 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2474 This nudist retreat might have been a bad idea... 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2475 No fires today- it's a spare the air day. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2476 The true hell is the picture quality. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2477 Quite! Our ruler... the Emperor With No Clothes. is speaking.... " Fire and Fury " 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2478 I hear that in heaven they get to watch everything on a 60" flat screen! 1.2889 0.05058 90 65 24 1
2479 Rabbit ears and the Christmas fireplace; Hell is so dated! 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2480 I think the timeshare in Orlando was a better deal. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2481 I heard he got the idea from that 'Burning Yule Log' video. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2482 Tits and TV.. you call this hell?! 1.2889 0.06562 90 72 10 8
2483 I don't know Martha, I've seen just as much of this show as you have 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2484 I liked the holiday fireplace one better. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2485 I miss the Winter Olympics 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2486 I'm starting to think that Satan doesn't value us as customers. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2487 Don't know about you, but this bores the hell outta me. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2488 I hate flying out of LaGuardia. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2489 Every channel is Breaking News. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2490 Another lie perpetuated by Fox News. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2491 We do apologize for the inconvenience but are experiencing technical difficulties. Thank you for your patience. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2492 This is Hell. Did you expect a flat-screen TV? 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2493 I wish we got Sin-a-max. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2494 The worst part is we have to wait a year for season two. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2495 The next hour is going to be psoriasis treatment ads. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2496 These orgies are getting a little too avant garde for my taste. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2497 He puts it on every Christmas. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2498 Were you expecting high-def? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2499 Don't go anywhere, Charlie's Fallen Angels is on at 8. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2500 Just think of it as binge watching the Yule Log. Forever. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2501 Do you ever take a moment and reflect on how you ended up here? 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2502 eternal damnation without cable? 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2503 I'm seeing a tremendous opportunity to modernize the tech down here. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2504 I hear that Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby are the guests of honor at tonight's screening. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2505 Live from New York, it's Saturday Night. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2506 I guess I was wrong Sharon. It looks like climate change really does effect everyone after all. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2507 I hate sweeps week! 1.2889 0.05299 90 66 22 2
2508 This is what we get for spreading fake nudes. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2509 I liked it better in theaters. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2510 Analog TV? This IS Hell... 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2511 Wanna fuck? 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2512 In heaven, it’s the oscillating fan. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2513 It's only that damn hemerrhoid infomercial! 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2514 They said that after we watch the intro video, we get a tour of the timeshare properties. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2515 Is that a live feed from the 7th ring of hell? 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2516 This is hell, no cable! 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2517 When they asked, "Cloths or T.V.?", it was a no-brainer. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2518 I'm not worried, if this were really hell, CNN would be on the TV. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2519 This year's Burning Man is lame. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2520 And I couldn't even get a signal in my basement. 1.2889 0.06562 90 72 10 8
2521 Thank God we're just in the overflow room. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2522 It's never as nice as they show you in the previews. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2523 Let's hope no one tells him about virtual reality. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
2524 Oh god, not another rerun! 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
2525 I told you the earth was warming. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2526 Imagine the fun we could have if we weren't dead. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2527 Production value here has really gone to hell. 1.2889 0.05299 90 66 22 2
2528 This reality television stuff is just killing me. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2529 It's a virtual Hell! 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
2530 Better than Fox or CNN... 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2531 I know it's hell, but it's a dry heat!! 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2532 This is the same training video that I saw at Trump University. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
2533 Is this the casting call for Stormy Daniel's "Fire Down Below"? 1.2889 0.05299 90 66 22 2
2534 EP of Wife Swap. You? 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
2535 It doesn't look so scary when its not high definition. 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
2536 Nothing is more sinful than watching "Hell's got Talent" 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
2537 Sure, we got 500 channels, but they're all the same! 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
2538 Reception was better in the second ring. 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
2539 Hell is reality TV. 1.2857 0.06306 91 72 12 7
2540 Infernal contraption! 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2541 If we're going to be here for all eternity, can we at least get a flat screen? 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2542 Strangely overlooked in the classical literature, sexual harassment training takes place at the entrance to the Second Circle of Hell. 1.2857 0.06497 91 73 10 8
2543 Do you think this could possibly be fake news? 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2544 Oh, Hell. Reruns again! 1.2857 0.05250 91 67 22 2
2545 The next season comes out in one hundred million years. 1.2857 0.06306 91 72 12 7
2546 In heaven, they watch the Yule log. 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2547 Hell or daytime TV - tough choice! 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2548 „Not being able to change channels has proven to be much more hellish than actual hellfire.“ 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
2549 The true Hell is that aspect ratio. 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2550 I heard they serve burnt popcorn. 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2551 I remember watching the pilot 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2552 'If you wanted to see the final episode, you should have gone to heaven!' 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2553 So I guess WAS wrong to peddle all those subprime mortgages 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2554 This must be alternative hell. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2555 Apparently, this cuts our CO2 emissions in half. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
2556 So what network did you work for up there? 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2557 I guess I should have read their early termination clause more closely. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2558 Welcome to Millennial Hell 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2559 This must be the "teaser." 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2560 Jeez, I can't wait for the season finale." 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2561 Did you remember to bring the sun block? 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2562 It's like "The Sopranos" - nobody knows how it really ends! 1.2841 0.05098 88 64 23 1
2563 And this circle of hell is exclusively for people who lied on their Tinder profile. 1.2841 0.05098 88 64 23 1
2564 Safety orientation 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2565 It's not even in HD. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2566 I hear it's a public service announcement about how the climate is changing down here too. 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
2567 Who knew the cable company would be this pissed when we cut the cord? 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2568 New TSA procedures? At least we get to keep our shoes on. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2569 Being stuck here with antenna TV sure is hell. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2570 You are doomed to an eternity of watching FOX NEWS! 1.2841 0.06654 88 71 9 8
2571 You are so hot. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2572 Always the Weather Channel with this guy. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2573 So this is it? 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2574 There's only one bloody hell channel down here. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2575 Let's poke his eyes out with the antenna. We have nothing to lose. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2576 Hell, no cable 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2577 When they told me Hell was being forced to watch Bonanza reruns forever I didn't believe it." 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2578 gone are the days when they had actual demons doing the induction to hell. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2579 I feel a bit more comfort that it is not high definition. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2580 It's the Irony Channel. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2581 Watch and burn. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2582 At least our fire and brimstone won't be in high definition. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2583 Oh great, here comes the time share pitch. 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
2584 Somehow, when they promised us we could be on 'Roasting With The Stars' I was expecting something different. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2585 The technology is old but the message is the same 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2586 It's not quite what I expected. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2587 Can someone change that to Fox and Friends? 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2588 This standing around really burns my ass. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2589 At least the television here is better. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2590 You’re new here. Spoiler alert . . . 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2591 Actually, I find it less painful than commercial television. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2592 This is the strangest vacation pitch I have ever seen. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2593 I used to be in corporate videos. Think that's how I got here. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2594 A flatscreen would be heaven. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2595 In heaven, they have Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2596 Climate change is real. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2597 Yep. 7 days a week. 24 hour Trump station. 1.2841 0.06654 88 71 9 8
2598 No cable? You think he does that on purpose? 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2599 first they make us watch 666 seasons of hell's kitchen on a Russian analog tv... 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2600 This is hell, there is no remote. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2601 But as you'll see, it wasn't until my 666th appearance on Fox and Friends that I did my best work. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2602 No cable in hell. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2603 Nobody calls it a "boob tube" anymore. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2604 We all wanted Reality-TV. Now I guess we get what we asked for. 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
2605 brimstone comes on at 10 1.2841 0.06654 88 71 9 8
2606 You have to really check the reviews before you book one on these Groupon all inclusive getaway deals. Did you even look at the reviews Sharon? 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2607 So everything really is black and white. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2608 Hell, there’s no cable 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2609 As orientation videos go, it's pretty ho-hum. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2610 Of course it's hell—every time I try to adjust the picture, he pokes me! 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2611 I think I’ve seen this show before. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2612 He's economizing! 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2613 'Just more re-runs of the Bill Cosby Show." 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
2614 Welcome to the premiere of "The Inconvenient Truth 5: The Devil Wears Nada" 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2615 Big deal. I saw the original on Broadway. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
2616 Is it too late to change my vote? America doesn't look that great after all. 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
2617 The other channel is Fox News. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2618 They've been promising HD forever. Don't believe 'em. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2619 So this is where the old TVs went. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2620 Figures -- I saw this one already 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
2621 CNN? FOX? Isn't it just about choosing frying pan or fire? 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2622 I never thought they would be worried about a fuel shortage down here. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2623 Broadcast TV? With a rabbit ears antenna. This IS Hell! 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
2624 The outdated technology is just torture. 1.2821 0.06554 78 61 12 5
2625 This is a rerun. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2626 At least nothing will shrink where we're going. 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2627 It's going to be a loooong eternity 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2628 You were a reality TV producer, too? Isn't that ironic? 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2629 Due to budget cuts, you will need to use your imagination 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2630 After having to watch FOX every day at our Federal offices, this channel is soothing. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2631 Not add a log....ANALOG 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2632 Those are fake flames. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2633 At least we don’t have to watch Fox News! 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2634 I really doubt his legal department requires the short intro video. I think he just like to show it. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2635 Welcome to the ultimate red state where no one has any coverage. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2636 From what I've heard this You Tube version sure beats the real thing! 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2637 Just be grateful it's virtual reality! 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2638 I’m not feeling the warmth. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2639 Well, at least we're dressed for it . . . 1.2791 0.05139 86 63 22 1
2640 No HD, not even cable; this truely is Hell! 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2641 Apparently, he’s had a dispute over cable fees after they found out nudity was involved. For now, it’a Rabbit ears... 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2642 It beats The Apprentice. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2643 They say it's been picked up for another 13 weeks. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2644 Is he using the fireplace app? 1.2791 0.05139 86 63 22 1
2645 I guess you could say the naked truth is Reality TV is literally going to hell. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2646 When we talked about allying with People of Color, bright red with horns and a tail wasn’t the color I had in mind. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2647 These orientations seem to last for an eternity. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2648 This is where they send you when you complain about your cable bill 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2649 It's great here. Even get Fox News. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2650 Dare we suggest to him aluminum foil for the rabbit ears? 1.2791 0.06544 86 69 10 7
2651 Guess where I put the remote 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2652 Who did you vote for? 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2653 We'll have to take off our fig leaves. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2654 This used to be a Christmas tradition. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2655 Let's hope the next election doesn't have the same results. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2656 I have been told we can upgrade to cable but there will be hell to pay. 1.2791 0.06544 86 69 10 7
2657 I hate this show. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2658 No flat screen, I guess this really is hell. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2659 I don't actually want the timeshare - just the free vacation. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2660 I didn't know Netflix binging qualified as sloth. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2661 I can't believe they only get one channel and it's the yule log. 1.2791 0.06544 86 69 10 7
2662 You know, the reception is much better than I was expecting. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2663 It's his favorite show. 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
2664 The experts all said we'd freeze over. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2665 Rabbit ears. This must be the seventeenth circle of hell. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2666 I can’t wait to see the part that explains about brimstone! 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2667 A five minute break for flames, then back to news. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2668 Don't look now, but there's a naked guy at eleven o' clock. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2669 They need to show the safety video first. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2670 Hell yes! I'm naked and afraid! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2671 But the fake news never mentions we have air conditioning. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2672 It's not as bad as it looks. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2673 I told you Heck was better than Hell. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2674 No cable, no flat screen, no hi def, and all they get is Fox! 1.2791 0.06544 86 69 10 7
2675 Must be hell, it's all Three's Company reruns 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2676 No cable. That’s the hell of it. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2677 Not having a flatscreen is hell. 1.2791 0.06750 86 70 8 8
2678 This is virtual Hell! 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2679 I thought hell was supposed to be other people. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2680 The news is always so negative. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2681 Just one boring channel -- for Eternity. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2682 I can't stand it! Not only is it low def, but it's black & white! 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2683 Welcome to the orientation program! 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2684 Don't blame me for climate change, I drove a Prius. 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
2685 I'm all for safety training in case of a fire but this is ridiculous.... 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2686 You know who I really feel bad for? The people looking at the back of the TV. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2687 Hell is losing its edge - could have been commercials. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2688 Were doomed he has the remote! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2689 At least someone's trying to stop global warming. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2690 You'd think that with Satan's sinful materialism, he'd at least have a Flat Screen. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2691 They get FOX News and CNN. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2692 I'm not sure they needed a 20 minute orientation video. 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
2693 No remote?.... It's hell alright. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2694 Reminds me of The Yule Log I used to watch 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2695 I know how it ends. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2696 He is sending us to Hawaii. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2697 My kids were right. Living without modern technology IS Hell. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2698 I never miss the previews. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2699 I don't know. It does look like Hell, but the trident looks fake. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2700 Does he only get the Lava Channel? 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2701 Is this a preview of what’s to come 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2702 He comes to the colony every year, trying to sell us time shares. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2703 No flat screen? This is hell. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2704 I'll bet it's fake news. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2705 Besides the humiliation of being naked, we can't change the channel. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2706 This show has a real cult following. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2707 I should have known that, if I supported Donald Trump's quest for power, it would come to this! 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2708 Reminds me of my thermodynamics class in college, only way hotter. 1.2791 0.06544 86 69 10 7
2709 Is this the audition for,Naked and Afraid? 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
2710 Honestly, I am surprised they even have an orientation! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2711 No, I get the post-modern-techno-criticism of it. I'm just saying mine shrinks when it's cold, and that's why I wish it was a real fire. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2712 Oh, I know! You got a haircut! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2713 This is the casting call for 'Naked and Afraid: Dante's Inferno'. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2714 It’s the same everyday; hot as hell again. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2715 Is he really trying to sell us on Hell? 1.2771 0.05231 83 61 21 1
2716 The trailers always oversell it. 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2717 Hell is other people...and standard definition. 1.2759 0.06266 87 69 12 6
2718 Fake fire burns me up. 1.2759 0.06266 87 69 12 6
2719 The real torture is that every channel is the same. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
2720 Can you believe it? Only one channel and it’s their version of the Yule log. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
2721 It’s the same infomercial on every channel. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2722 No commericals, though. Amiright? 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2723 I've been to a lot of timeshare sales pitches but this one's amazing. 1.2738 0.05449 84 63 19 2
2724 This level of technology will be a real turn off for millennials. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2725 it's only real when you see it on television. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2726 Yeah, I was a reality TV producer, too. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2727 If even these guys can do their part on global warming.... 1.2738 0.06636 84 68 9 7
2728 I heard we'll get real flames if enough of us donate to the Patreon 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2729 It's always Christmas down here. That's the hell of it. 1.2738 0.06636 84 68 9 7
2730 No carbon OR microfibre pollution, good for him! 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2731 It's the usual. There's a 90 minute presentation before you collect the prize. 1.2738 0.06636 84 68 9 7
2732 I think it got the idea from watching the Yule log. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2733 Welcome to Heaven, or as god likes to call it, “Hell”. 1.2738 0.06416 84 67 11 6
2734 Reality TV was hell on Earth, too. 1.2738 0.06416 84 67 11 6
2735 Of course it's not High Def. This is hell, you know. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2736 No digital high definition flames? This really IS Hell. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2737 And if anyone complains about what’s in hell-o-vision, we’ll put it on the Hallmark Channel. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2738 No, there's no WiFi. There's not even goddam basic cable! 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2739 I love reality television. 1.2738 0.05449 84 63 19 2
2740 If those are not real flames, then are we fake nudes? 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2741 Is this the show about the dangers of infernal warming? 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2742 It's a big night, after this is the season p