Contest #616


Cartoon

616

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “His words, not mine.”
  2. “I’m the new micromanager.”
  3. “We demand time and a half.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-05-13T18:52:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2018-05-27T19:04:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2018-05-21T18:52:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued May 28th, 2018
Number of captions 5274
Number of responses 663636
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 I’ve advised my client not to talk. 1.9071 0.01055 5456 1932 2099 1425
1 I've got corporate up my ass on this one John... 1.9012 0.01433 3473 1427 962 1084
2 I want to report inappropriate touching. 1.8799 0.01252 4354 1778 1321 1255
3 Of course he had a hand in this! 1.8760 0.01185 4305 1602 1635 1068
4 I need you to order all of the 'For Dummies' books on this list. 1.8601 0.01866 1765 683 646 436
5 Trust me, I speak for both of us. 1.8589 0.01138 4451 1641 1797 1013
6 Do you have any idea who you're talking to? 1.8573 0.01173 4520 1773 1619 1128
7 His words, not mine. 1.8536 0.01133 4536 1701 1798 1037
8 We want time-and-a-half. 1.8478 0.01094 5130 2024 1863 1243
9 Could you take care of this? The boss is breathing down my neck. 1.8439 0.01654 2204 863 822 519
10 The memo speaks for itself. Which is more than I can say for Brad here. 1.8363 0.01071 5191 2040 1961 1190
11 Ignore him. You now report directly to me. 1.8315 0.01706 2047 811 770 466
12 Read the memo from HR, Fred. From now on, I'm a "vocally enabled support mannequin," not a "dummy." 1.8169 0.01219 4216 1778 1432 1006
13 If he goes, I go. 1.8150 0.01204 4071 1647 1530 894
14 It's pretty much boilerplate, but if you have questions I'll be in the brown suitcase under Phil's desk. 1.8067 0.01175 4362 1816 1573 973
15 Here's my resignation. I just don't feel like I have a voice here. 1.8029 0.01093 4977 2066 1826 1085
16 At least I know I'm a puppet. 1.7998 0.01218 4096 1737 1442 917
17 How do you explain this invoice for a wood chipper? 1.7955 0.01294 3951 1794 1171 986
18 I need to speak with you. Alone. 1.7947 0.01670 2129 895 776 458
19 Ancestry.com says your desk is my uncle. 1.7903 0.01295 3929 1792 1169 968
20 The coward behind me. That's who's firing you. 1.7611 0.01275 3751 1699 1249 803
21 I'm his right-hand man. 1.7580 0.02327 1029 441 396 192
22 You aren’t the first person in this bureau to be fired by a dummy, and you won’t be the last! 1.7521 0.02408 1049 481 347 221
23 This is the list of grievances from an employee who wishes to remain anonymous. 1.7511 0.01263 3749 1704 1274 771
24 Victor realized his worst nightmare...being fired by some corporate dummy. 1.7435 0.01887 1782 852 535 395
25 Apparently, there have been some complaints about micromanagement. 1.7404 0.01873 1699 784 572 343
26 Joe, I've got some good news and bad news. The good news is I've been promoted. The bad news is that you've been re-assigned to my position. 1.7390 0.02480 1027 493 309 225
27 What did you think dummy corporation meant? 1.7361 0.01320 3422 1591 1143 688
28 I closed the deal. Who's the dummy now? 1.7286 0.01938 1540 711 536 293
29 Please accept my application for White House Press Secretary. 1.7264 0.01631 2610 1360 604 646
30 Watch out, the guy behind me is very manipulative. 1.7226 0.01309 3327 1538 1174 615
31 Sure, you may be busy but my boss is literally up my ass. 1.7213 0.01241 4219 2123 1149 947
32 There's no easy way to say this: we're downsizing. 1.7206 0.01329 3346 1586 1109 651
33 You didn't hear this from me. 1.7179 0.01232 3744 1740 1320 684
34 I heard you say you got hired by a dummy. Now you can say you got fired by one too. 1.7157 0.01321 3444 1664 1095 685
35 Dammit, Jim! The boss is up my ass again about your report! 1.6925 0.02475 979 490 300 189
36 Now Mr. Littles will fire you while I drink a glass of water. 1.6883 0.02593 895 452 270 173
37 Here's my resume. Do you mind if my friend stays for the interview? 1.6838 0.01389 2913 1424 986 503
38 Read my lips. 1.6827 0.01452 2739 1363 882 494
39 Would you like to see him fire you while drinking a glass of water? 1.6675 0.01459 2728 1396 843 489
40 You’ve been subpoenaed to appear before the Charlie McCarthy hearings. 1.6654 0.01719 2071 1096 572 403
41 Don't ask questions. Just set up the dummy account. 1.6633 0.01612 2165 1096 702 367
42 I'm filing a grievance. He keeps putting words in my mouth. 1.6613 0.01490 2548 1298 815 435
43 I'm sorry about this but upper management is forcing my hand. 1.6569 0.01466 2571 1302 849 420
44 I'm not firing you, Stewart here is firing you. Believe me, I was just as surprised as you were, Bill. 1.6568 0.01584 2241 1146 718 377
45 Let’s not forget who’s pulling the strings around here, Johnson. 1.6501 0.02583 823 420 271 132
46 And I don't appreciate your referring to me as 'that dummy from accounting'! 1.6434 0.01460 2588 1340 831 417
47 One of your coworkers, I won’t say who, has asked me to give this to you. 1.6403 0.01534 2288 1175 761 352
48 I know it feels you’re being micromanaged, but imagine how I feel. 1.6361 0.01833 1627 848 523 256
49 I'll need you to pull some strings for me. 1.6340 0.01554 2213 1144 735 334
50 He keeps putting words in my mouth. 1.6181 0.02538 838 447 264 127
51 I need this done tonight. The boss is up my ass again. 1.6115 0.01979 1529 870 383 276
52 We demand time and a half 1.6070 0.01980 1407 773 414 220
53 And by the way, George wants to know why you think he is afraid of confrontation. 1.6053 0.01951 1391 751 438 202
54 Promotion is mine. Bonus is mine. Your parking space is mine. Who's the dummy now? 1.6031 0.02049 1348 755 373 220
55 I'm setting up a dummy corporation. 1.6030 0.02056 1345 755 369 221
56 I'm afraid we're downsizing. 1.6017 0.02022 1318 722 399 197
57 I need you to tell him that my prostate is fine. 1.5997 0.02972 702 414 155 133
58 " Didn't know how to tell you this, but yes- we are down sizing. 1.5989 0.03173 536 295 161 80
59 Let’s get cracking, Noonan. Don’t you know tine is noney. 1.5972 0.02400 1219 772 166 281
60 He'll review most of the contract and I will be reviewing the small print. 1.5969 0.02038 1233 664 402 167
61 I'd like to report an inappropriate touching. 1.5950 0.02128 1195 663 353 179
62 I’m the new micromanager. 1.5950 0.02167 1195 675 329 191
63 I'd like to file a complaint for inappropriate touching. 1.5937 0.02213 1179 677 304 198
64 Who's the dummy now Carl? You're fired! 1.5929 0.02165 1162 649 337 176
65 This is a list of the times he has touched me inappropriately. 1.5904 0.02305 1123 659 265 199
66 I'd like to set up a dummy corporation. 1.5889 0.02192 1097 607 334 156
67 You know what I said about how any dummy can do your job? 1.5887 0.02185 1094 603 338 153
68 Here’s the new org chart. You’re now reporting to my right hand man. 1.5853 0.02254 1049 587 310 152
69 I expect this done before I get back into my suitcase. 1.5837 0.02154 1028 548 360 120
70 The good news is, you're not being replaced by a robot. 1.5832 0.02276 950 514 318 118
71 I'd appreciate it if you stop putting words in my mouth. 1.5817 0.02312 997 561 292 144
72 He's the new White House Press Secretary. 1.5787 0.02473 959 568 227 164
73 Hi, I'm Doug, Corporate's new non-confrontational conflict resolution dummy: you're fired. 1.5783 0.02333 951 531 290 130
74 Johnson, I couldn't help but notice the size of your hands...I think there's room for you in management. 1.5777 0.02406 952 548 258 146
75 Now, my partner's also had a hand in preparing this proposal. 1.5759 0.02325 922 508 297 117
76 This way if you kill the messenger, no one gets hurt. 1.5753 0.02412 916 521 263 132
77 Here’s my Unwanted Touching in the Workplace complaint. 1.5749 0.02493 915 537 230 148
78 As you can see, we're downsizing. 1.5724 0.02429 884 500 262 122
79 You're fired! Wanna hear me say it again while he drinks a glass of water? 1.5692 0.02499 852 489 241 122
80 I dont mean to keep checking in, but the boss has been up my ass all day 1.5689 0.02646 849 514 187 148
81 Come on buddy, I’m not the only one being manipulated here! 1.5689 0.02462 849 480 255 114
82 I think I may have misinterpreted last week's memo about reducing the size of the staff. 1.5687 0.02495 844 482 244 118
83 I'd like to file a sexual harassment claim against the guy behind me. 1.5684 0.02553 841 490 224 127
84 Is this HR? I'd like to file this report about some inappropriate touching. 1.5662 0.02614 823 487 206 130
85 Remember, you didn't hear it from me. 1.5649 0.02525 809 461 239 109
86 If it were up to me we’d keep you, but I’m not pulling the strings. 1.5645 0.02569 806 466 225 115
87 Don't blame me. Management has been completely up my ass on this one. 1.5643 0.02635 801 473 204 124
88 This guys been up my ass all day 1.5631 0.02700 792 477 184 131
89 We're downsizing. You're next. 1.5625 0.02587 784 452 223 109
90 I need you to set up a dummy corporation. 1.5623 0.02717 786 475 180 131
91 No more “dummy” jokes! The term is “Artificial American.” 1.5594 0.02740 758 456 180 122
92 Your review says you hide behind others and don't take ownership. 1.5585 0.02666 752 440 204 108
93 Rewrite this so that even a dummy can understand it. 1.5574 0.02607 741 423 223 95
94 You need to be more like Johnson, here. He's always got my back. 1.5546 0.02616 714 404 224 86
95 So you think it’s funny to refer to me as a laptop. 1.5546 0.02697 714 415 202 97
96 Here's proof that any dummy can do your job. 1.5532 0.02687 705 407 206 92
97 Norman, with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, suddenly realized that for all these years he'd been working for a dummy corporation. 1.5532 0.02679 705 406 208 91
98 In all honesty, without the support of my staff, I’m nothing. 1.5517 0.02713 696 404 200 92
99 It's 2018, and we avoid offensive labels like "dummy" in the workplace Tom. 1.5500 0.02747 680 396 194 90
100 I told him to keep his mouth shut and let me do all the talking. 1.5490 0.02668 674 382 214 78
101 This brings a whole new meaning to micro-management 1.5477 0.02774 661 385 190 86
102 This should clear him of the allegations. I’m the one who actually made the inappropriate remarks. 1.5467 0.02775 653 379 191 83
103 As the President's legal representative... 1.5467 0.02955 653 401 147 105
104 And working well with others is my strongest attribute. 1.5460 0.02657 652 365 218 69
105 So, I guess you didn't think I was big enough to get cc'd on this. 1.5436 0.02822 631 368 183 80
106 Is this where I file for separation? 1.5430 0.02859 628 370 175 83
107 I’ve seen your report on the dead wood in this office and, frankly Williams, I don’t like it. 1.5425 0.02885 623 369 170 84
108 I'm your new micro-manager. 1.5413 0.02907 617 367 166 84
109 Can you get this done ASAP? The boss has been up my ass about it all day. 1.5413 0.02889 617 365 170 82
110 I need you to rewrite this speech. Go easy on the Ms, Bs and Ps. 1.5407 0.02835 614 357 182 75
111 I’m of two minds about this. 1.5401 0.02827 611 354 184 73
112 Here's your Performance Review. Who's the dummy NOW, Dave? 1.5397 0.02889 604 355 172 77
113 I'm going to read your report while my assistant here drinks a glass of water. 1.5396 0.02863 606 354 177 75
114 Michael Cohen. Attorney at law. 1.5354 0.03073 579 355 138 86
115 In this case, you can shoot the messenger. 1.5346 0.02922 563 327 171 65
116 The Boss thought it would be best if you heard it from me. 1.5342 0.02944 571 336 165 70
117 I've been downsized. 1.5340 0.02988 573 342 156 75
118 I'm the CEO's right-hand man. 1.5321 0.02998 560 333 156 71
119 Unlike me, the report speaks for itself. 1.5287 0.03100 541 328 140 73
120 Of course he qualifies as an emotional support animal. I can’t fuction without him. 1.5283 0.03074 547 331 143 73
121 I pulled a few strings and got you that promotion! 1.5280 0.03032 536 318 153 65
122 "And exactly why can't we file a joint return"? 1.5280 0.02997 536 315 159 62
123 Next time, CC both of us! 1.5271 0.03036 535 318 152 65
124 Remember, you didn't hear it from me. 1.5264 0.02963 530 308 165 57
125 Are you the dummy that wrote this memo? 1.5242 0.03116 517 311 141 65
126 This report you wrote is a disgrace! What do you take me for? 1.5233 0.03141 514 311 137 66
127 I'm requisitioning a copy of "Microsoft Word for Dummies." 1.5226 0.03177 509 310 132 67
128 The boss is really up my ass on this one. 1.5210 0.03265 501 311 119 71
129 It's from the small claims court. 1.5193 0.03113 493 293 144 56
130 You're fired but you didn't hear it from me. 1.5193 0.03126 493 294 142 57
131 I'd like to file a complaint from someone in accounting who would prefer to remain anonymous. 1.5184 0.03150 488 292 139 57
132 In this case, you may blame the messenger. 1.5184 0.03114 490 291 144 55
133 Here are the papers for the dummy corporation you asked for. 1.5167 0.03203 480 290 132 58
134 I'm the independent mediator your boss brought in. Turns out he's right, you're wrong. 1.5166 0.03220 482 293 129 60
135 I am the new Communications Director. 1.5166 0.03273 482 297 121 64
136 You have a problem, you speak to me directly. 1.5139 0.03287 469 288 121 60
137 Remember Remember, if anyone asks where you get your insider information, you tell them it's from some dummy in the "white house". 1.5130 0.03436 462 293 101 68
138 This isn't exactly what I had in mind when the boss said I'd be his 'right-hand man,' but I'm getting used to it. 1.5121 0.03171 455 269 139 47
139 Judging by all the typos in your memo, Jenkins, I think it's clear who the real dummy is. 1.5120 0.03255 459 278 127 54
140 The guy behind me wants to give you a raise. I'm the one firing you. 1.5111 0.03232 452 271 131 50
141 I don't appreciate your memo dismissing me as a mouthpiece for upper management. 1.5110 0.03329 456 281 117 58
142 I only talk through my attorney. 1.5110 0.03211 456 273 133 50
143 Slowly it was dawning on Bob that the CEO was only a puppet! 1.5100 0.03383 449 279 111 59
144 This place doesn’t seem to care about the little guy anymore. 1.5100 0.03191 451 268 136 47
145 You didn’t hear it from me. 1.5089 0.03191 448 266 136 46
146 It's the new White House communication system it gives everyone plausible deniability. 1.5080 0.03426 439 274 107 58
147 I'd like you to meet your new micromanager. 1.5080 0.03349 439 269 117 53
148 My client has the right to remain silent. 1.5079 0.03342 443 272 117 54
149 I’m sorry, Jim. We’re downsizing. 1.5079 0.03327 443 271 119 53
150 HE may have signed a confidentiality agreement, but I didn't! 1.5058 0.03283 431 259 126 46
151 This isn't coming from me. 1.5057 0.03325 435 265 120 50
152 I'm just the middleman. 1.5057 0.03245 435 260 130 45
153 I'm in training for Republican Senator. What's your deal? 1.5057 0.03586 435 282 86 67
154 Yeah, I have a problem... our health care plan doesn't cover termites! 1.5047 0.03418 430 267 109 54
155 Why yes, I was an anchor with Sinclair Broadcast Group. 1.5036 0.03647 421 274 82 65
156 Sorry, but I'm just the messenger. 1.5035 0.03208 423 249 135 39
157 This is his resignation. I'm staying. 1.5035 0.03367 425 260 116 49
158 I can even fire you while he drinks a glass of water. 1.5024 0.03492 418 262 102 54
159 You think you can manipulate me?! 1.5024 0.03312 420 253 123 44
160 My client and I speak with one voice. 1.5012 0.03363 417 254 117 46
161 Here's my resume for White House Press Officer. 1.5012 0.03611 417 269 87 61
162 The boss says we need to downsize. 1.5000 0.03393 412 252 114 46
163 is this your tweet that calls me a dummy with little hands? 1.4988 0.03691 403 262 81 60
164 He didn't want to be the one to have to tell you. 1.4975 0.03438 402 247 110 45
165 I dictated this while drinking a glass of water. 1.4975 0.03456 402 248 108 46
166 You think the boss is up YOUR butt? 1.4975 0.03544 402 253 98 51
167 I'm his emotional support dummy. 1.4962 0.03364 399 241 118 40
168 If you knew where his hand is you'd understand why I'm filing the grievance. 1.4949 0.03722 394 257 79 58
169 Can you believe our moron of a boss wants us to follow this ridiculous......oh, he's right behind me, isn't he. 1.4949 0.03590 390 246 95 49
170 For tax purposes, we're creating a dummy corporation. 1.4936 0.03583 391 247 95 49
171 He didn’t want to tell you himself. 1.4935 0.03549 385 240 100 45
172 I said, “ Single filing jointly!” 1.4935 0.03511 385 238 104 43
173 I've been downsized. 1.4935 0.03492 385 237 106 42
174 As an Inanimate-American, I am entitled to the same workplace protections that the rest of you enjoy. Here's a list of pronouns not to call me. 1.4908 0.03610 379 239 94 46
175 Management and I speak with one voice on this. 1.4908 0.03472 379 232 108 39
176 What do you mean I can't expense Paul? He's my right hand man. 1.4907 0.03663 377 240 89 48
177 I heard you wanted a second opinion. 1.4907 0.03486 377 231 107 39
178 You asked for a second opinion? 1.4907 0.03716 375 241 84 50
179 My colleague speaks for both of us. 1.4907 0.03479 375 229 108 38
180 Don't blame me. I'm just the mouthpiece. 1.4892 0.03499 372 228 106 38
181 You can pick up your final paycheck from Lamb Chop in Payroll. 1.4892 0.03797 372 243 76 53
182 Another anonymous complaint about cancelling the company talent show this year. 1.4878 0.03561 369 229 100 40
183 Harold, when I asked you to make me a copy, this is not what I meant. 1.4877 0.03575 367 228 99 40
184 I'll have my people talk through your people. 1.4877 0.03590 365 227 98 40
185 Everything goes through me! 1.4877 0.03590 365 227 98 40
186 Well, they are officially downsizing our staff. 1.4862 0.03547 362 223 102 37
187 HR said only a dummy would respond to your complaint in writing. 1.4862 0.03674 362 229 90 43
188 There’s nothing I can do, it’s coming from higher up. 1.4862 0.03526 362 222 104 36
189 The boss wants revisions, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.4846 0.03796 357 231 79 47
190 Stop putting words in my mouth. 1.4831 0.03677 356 225 90 41
191 You're right. He did move his lips. But, you're still fired. 1.4829 0.03657 350 219 93 38
192 NO RAISE ?? Then I need a hand out. 1.4814 0.03904 349 230 70 49
193 Oh great, now I work for 2 dummies. 1.4812 0.03830 345 223 78 44
194 This micro-management has affected us all, Bob. 1.4797 0.03681 344 216 91 37
195 Stop whining - I've just been downsized myself! 1.4797 0.03704 344 217 89 38
196 The bad news is we're letting you go. The good news is you get to stay and operate your replacement. 1.4797 0.03516 344 209 105 30
197 You keep asking who is the dummy in H.R. well, here I am. 1.4780 0.03727 341 216 87 38
198 The main problem with your writing is you haven’t really found your own voice. 1.4780 0.03681 341 214 91 36
199 I would like to file an official complaint. Please tell my manager to stop breathing over my neck and putting words in my mouth. 1.4779 0.03720 339 214 88 37
200 I'm looking for a new assistant. One that's a little less hands on. 1.4779 0.03697 339 213 90 36
201 Here's a list of women I want paid off that I know nothing about. 1.4776 0.03870 335 217 76 42
202 So what if you can see his lips moving? You're still fired. 1.4760 0.03564 334 204 101 29
203 He's learning to delegate. 1.4758 0.03696 330 206 91 33
204 His lips aren't moving but his face says you're fired. 1.4758 0.03464 330 197 109 24
205 Don't blame me, I am only the messenger. 1.4745 0.03721 333 210 88 35
206 It's not fake news. Look at me. Am I fake? 1.4745 0.03769 333 212 84 37
207 I hate to do this but the big man says you're fired 1.4742 0.03653 329 204 94 31
208 Apparently I've been downsized. 1.4740 0.03745 327 206 87 34
209 I an sorry to retort that your jod is deing elininated. 1.4738 0.03886 325 210 76 39
210 Carl discovered his new boss really was a dummy 1.4720 0.03913 322 209 74 39
211 You expect me to believe this? Do I look like some kind of dummy? 1.4720 0.03710 322 201 90 31
212 I'm a dummy. What's your excuse? 1.4719 0.04005 320 211 67 42
213 I am the bearer of fake news. 1.4702 0.03864 319 205 78 36
214 Could you get this report in by five? The boss has been up my ass about it. 1.4702 0.04014 319 211 66 42
215 HR will be contacting you on your book proposal, 'Climbing the Corporate Ladder for Dummies.' 1.4698 0.03742 315 197 88 30
216 Sshhh, he's right behind me! It's all in this written complaint. 1.4696 0.03704 313 194 91 28
217 For the last time, yes, you need to take it even if his lips don’t move when I say “subpoena” 1.4677 0.04025 310 204 67 39
218 Of course they're dummy accounts. 1.4656 0.04021 305 200 68 37
219 Here's my HR complaint - calling me a "dummy" creates a hostile work environment. 1.4656 0.03828 305 193 82 30
220 Read my lips...You are fired 1.4656 0.03884 305 195 78 32
221 Did you send this memo on passive-aggressive communication in the work place? 1.4653 0.03958 303 196 73 34
222 Johnson, I was going to dazzle you by handing you this memo while sitting in a large man's arms and speaking to you without moving my lips, but instead I'm very distracted by the size of your tiny hands. 1.4636 0.04077 302 200 64 38
223 We're doing all we can not to make this personal. 1.4633 0.03902 300 192 77 31
224 My short list, and no, I don’t see the irony.” 1.4633 0.03727 300 186 89 25
225 Read my lips.......not his!! 1.4631 0.03744 298 185 88 25
226 Did you write this memo, 'Office Etiquette for Dummies'? 1.4631 0.03950 298 192 74 32
227 I quit. I'm sick of living hand to mouth. 1.4631 0.03950 298 192 74 32
228 Pay no attention to that sympathetic man behind me. You're fired. 1.4628 0.04027 296 193 69 34
229 Here's the info you wanted on my dummy corporation. 1.4628 0.03970 296 191 73 32
230 It all started when I read this book 'Management for Dummies.' 1.4613 0.03930 297 191 75 31
231 Look, this is more uncomfortable for me than it is for you. 1.4610 0.03979 295 191 72 32
232 There's no easy way to say this. 1.4605 0.03838 291 183 82 26
233 Hey, it's really hard to say "pink slip" without moving your lips. 1.4605 0.03959 291 187 74 30
234 Trust me. You don't want Frank to give it to you, I know where his hand has been. 1.4605 0.04164 291 194 60 37
235 You're putting words in my mouth! 1.4605 0.03959 291 187 74 30
236 You didn't hear this from me. 1.4589 0.03797 292 183 84 25
237 Here’s my formal complaint about inappropriate touching in the workplace. 1.4586 0.04116 290 192 63 35
238 Hey Steve, just got your request for transfer. What seems to be the issue? 1.4583 0.04167 288 192 60 36
239 Read his lips: you’re fired. 1.4583 0.04019 288 187 70 31
240 What? You didn't know this was a dummy corporation? 1.4580 0.03853 286 180 81 25
241 He can't talk because of this nondisclosure agreement 1.4580 0.04070 286 187 67 32
242 According to this complaint--you're another one who's been talking behind my back 1.4580 0.03885 286 181 79 26
243 Yours is a layoff, mine was a downsizing. 1.4580 0.04009 286 185 71 30
244 Don't try to put words in my mouth. 1.4564 0.03967 287 185 73 29
245 Read my lips: You're fired. 1.4561 0.03988 285 184 72 29
246 You think this is bad? You should see where his hand goes. 1.4552 0.04236 279 187 57 35
247 I don't like giving orders to clowns any more than you like getting them from dummies, but that's the job. 1.4532 0.03863 278 175 80 23
248 I need 3 copies of this and a thimble of coffee on my desk now! 1.4529 0.03916 276 175 77 24
249 Sorry to dump this on you, he's been up my ass all day about it. 1.4529 0.04422 276 191 45 40
250 Sorry we have to let you go,and he's not man enough to tell you himself. 1.4526 0.04037 274 177 70 27
251 At least you get to sit on a chair. 1.4502 0.04135 271 178 64 29
252 I’d like to file a sexual harassment suit agains the guy with his hand in my pants. 1.4502 0.04297 271 183 54 34
253 Here's the report... btw, Jeff's still not talking to you. 1.4502 0.04167 271 179 62 30
254 ...but you didn’t hear it from me. 1.4498 0.03952 269 171 75 23
255 I may be a dummy, Bob. But I’m not an idiot. 1.4494 0.04279 267 179 56 32
256 Some tough news for you Jones. The company has begun downsizing. 1.4494 0.04077 267 173 68 26
257 This way, he can claim he never talked to you about this payoff. 1.4494 0.04112 267 174 66 27
258 My resume speaks for itself. 1.4494 0.04112 267 174 66 27
259 Excel for Dummies?! Is this supposed to be funny?! Well I don’t see anybody around here laughing, do you?! 1.4494 0.04279 267 179 56 32
260 This doctor's note confirms it. NO COLLUSION between me and the gentleman behind me!!! 1.4474 0.04017 266 171 71 24
261 Here's my human resources complaint: inappropriate touching! 1.4474 0.04122 266 174 65 27
262 Its something Michael Cohen taught me. It provides a certain level of plausible deniability. 1.4474 0.04389 266 182 49 35
263 So, Carl...when I said 'copy me on that email'...I didn't mean make an actual copy of me holding the email. 1.4474 0.04190 266 176 61 29
264 Sorry, Smithers! There’s no room for dummies in this office! 1.4470 0.03967 264 168 74 22
265 You said any dummy could do it. 1.4470 0.04074 264 171 68 25
266 I'd like to submit my resume for the open communications director position with the Trump administration. I know I may seem overqualified, but... 1.4466 0.04132 262 171 65 26
267 As you may have heard, we're downsizing. 1.4440 0.04307 259 174 55 30
268 Oh yeah? You think you're being micromanaged.. you have no idea. 1.4436 0.04366 257 174 52 31
269 I think I’m being manipulated.... 1.4436 0.04041 257 165 70 22
270 If you like, my associate can drink coffee while I read you the warrant. 1.4436 0.04078 257 166 68 23
271 This is not what I meant when I said, "Make me a copy." 1.4431 0.04285 255 170 57 28
272 Congratulations, you're his new right-hand man. 1.4431 0.04063 255 164 69 22
273 I'm giving voice to the voiceless 1.4405 0.04134 252 164 65 23
274 For future reference, the job title is "CEO" not "that dummy in charge". 1.4405 0.04134 252 164 65 23
275 There will be no more sharpening of wooden pencils. It makes for a hostile work environment. 1.4405 0.04134 252 164 65 23
276 Your department is being downsized next, Wilkins. 1.4405 0.04096 252 163 67 22
277 It's my idea for a new book: Ventriloquism for Dummies. 1.4400 0.04309 250 167 56 27
278 This guy is a real pain in my ass too 1.4400 0.04196 250 164 62 24
279 The man standing behind me likes you. I'm the one who thinks you're an incompetent moron. This man behind me, he thinks you're a tremendous guy. 1.4400 0.04272 250 166 58 26
280 Hey, can you watch my new ventr-- oh holy fuck what happened to your right hand? 1.4398 0.04619 241 167 42 32
281 I know it's last minute, but the boss is really up my ass on this one. 1.4395 0.04661 248 175 37 36
282 Try to forget where Steve's hand is and just sign this birthday card for Joel in accounting. 1.4395 0.04335 248 166 55 27
283 Bob started to suspect "Bring Your Dummy to Work Day" was not really a thing. 1.4395 0.03771 248 152 83 13
284 Here's the official memo...we're being downsized. 1.4390 0.04044 246 157 70 19
285 Can you believe it? Another memo on how to improve our communication skills. 1.4375 0.04028 240 152 71 17
286 And as Ed met the new HR Rep, he sudendly felt better about his small hands 1.4367 0.04410 245 166 51 28
287 Here is my formal sexual harassment complaint against that guy that always follows me. 1.4367 0.04095 245 158 67 20
288 If we’re going to make books “for Dummies,” the pages need to be even smaller 1.4367 0.04295 245 163 57 25
289 Let me dumb this down for you 1.4362 0.04320 243 162 56 25
290 The term is little person, thank you. 1.4362 0.04241 243 160 60 23
291 Sorry for the short notice. 1.4362 0.04077 243 156 68 19
292 Sure it's a dummy contract. And your point is . . . 1.4357 0.04101 241 155 67 19
293 Sorry, Steve. I'm the boss's new right-hand man. But you're lucky. Look where his left hand is. 1.4355 0.04100 248 161 66 21
294 You're being down sized. 1.4355 0.04256 248 165 58 25
295 And, lastly, here is MY demand that he remove his hand. 1.4351 0.04250 239 157 60 22
296 I resign. The time is right to pursue a career in politics. 1.4350 0.04396 246 167 51 28
297 Have your puppet call my puppet. 1.4328 0.04384 238 160 53 25
298 It's not as bad as you think, his hands are tiny. 1.4328 0.04659 238 167 39 32
299 You think I'M a pain in the ass, you should meet my boss! 1.4322 0.04452 236 160 50 26
300 You need to finish this project yourself. I can only do two things at one time. 1.4322 0.04287 236 156 58 22
301 Would you mind reading this for me? I have glass eyes. 1.4322 0.04202 236 154 62 20
302 A memo from our dummy corporation 1.4322 0.03981 236 149 72 15
303 He's going to have to let you go. 1.4322 0.04329 236 157 56 23
304 Here's the short list. 1.4316 0.04680 234 164 39 31
305 If corporations can be people, so can I. 1.4316 0.04561 234 161 45 28
306 Mr. IRS agent I am not sure about this audit. I receive no income and live in a suitcase. 1.4316 0.04438 234 158 51 25
307 Sorry, it comes from higher up. 1.4310 0.04163 232 150 64 18
308 I think this speaks for itself. 1.4310 0.04247 239 158 59 22
309 Here is a list of pronouns I find acceptable. 1.4298 0.04298 235 156 57 22
310 How about you try working up this report without moving YOUR lips. How about that? 1.4286 0.03990 231 146 71 14
311 And now, watch Mr. Davenport drink a glass of water while I fire you. 1.4286 0.04307 231 153 57 21
312 Human Resources wants to talk to you about your recent use of the word 'dummy'. 1.4273 0.04361 227 151 55 21
313 I don't do words that begin with a "P" or a "B". 1.4273 0.04270 227 149 59 19
314 I alone am responsible for writing this scathing critique of your work. 1.4267 0.04249 232 153 59 20
315 If you don’t believe me, I’ll have him drink a glass of water while I say it again. 1.4267 0.04433 225 151 52 22
316 You’ve just been served by Fun Subpoenas LLC. 1.4267 0.04522 225 153 48 24
317 I'm head of HR because I can say things that the moron holding me doesn't have the guts to say. By the way, you're fired. 1.4241 0.04261 224 147 59 18
318 Jenkins, is this your memo I found in the break room that says that I am 'just a corporate puppet'? 1.4241 0.04354 224 149 55 20
319 Sorry Bill, but we’re downsizing. 1.4234 0.04739 222 156 38 28
320 He bet he could fire you without moving his lips. 1.4234 0.04428 222 149 52 21
321 Don't look at him, I'm giving you the instructions. 1.4234 0.04519 222 151 48 23
322 We had to pull a lot of strings but we got the contract 1.4234 0.04288 222 146 58 18
323 I resign! Apparently, I don't have any voice around here. 1.4234 0.04428 222 149 52 21
324 Bob, I'm afraid we're downsizing 1.4234 0.04564 222 152 46 24
325 How do you use a fax machine? I’m asking for a friend. 1.4234 0.04382 222 148 54 20
326 I think I speak for myself when I say these numbers are unacceptable. 1.4222 0.04430 225 152 51 22
327 I heard that people have been talking behind my back, and I just won't stand for that. 1.4220 0.04438 218 146 52 20
328 I am not his puppet. I am a hostage. And here are his demands. 1.4220 0.04532 218 148 48 22
329 Seriously ?? Focus group ?? He never even opens his mouth. 1.4220 0.04670 218 151 42 25
330 Just remember.... you didn’t hear this from me. 1.4213 0.04219 216 140 61 15
331 I'm not naming names, but "somebody" says you're fired. 1.4213 0.04320 216 142 57 17
332 I prefer the term, ‘Left hand man.’ 1.4213 0.04369 216 143 55 18
333 Here's his permit to carry arms-- and legs. 1.4213 0.04656 216 149 43 24
334 Corporate says someone in the office filed a complaint about micromanagement. 1.4213 0.04515 216 146 49 21
335 The downsizing rumors are true! 1.4213 0.04467 216 145 51 20
336 Why are you looking at him? I'm the new Secretary of State, and I have a signed note on a Mar a Lago cocktail napkin to prove it. 1.4213 0.04562 216 147 47 22
337 My therapist thinks it will help me find my voice at work. 1.4213 0.04168 216 139 63 14
338 Suddenly, the layoff notice seemed to be the least of Frank's questions. 1.4206 0.04496 214 144 50 20
339 Our commitment to diversity and inclusion has taken a creative turn. 1.4201 0.04326 219 145 56 18
340 I'm warning you. If you fire him I'll never talk to you again. 1.4186 0.04528 215 146 48 21
341 Here's that secret memo; but you didn't get it from me. 1.4186 0.04480 215 145 50 20
342 "Release this to the media. It's a letter from my doctor stating that I am neither wooden nor inanimate but very, very human - maybe the most human he's ever seen! 1.4186 0.04807 215 152 36 27
343 I want to file a complaint for sexual harassment. This guy keeps putting his hand up my back and demands that I sit on his lap. 1.4186 0.04716 215 150 40 25
344 When I said we're downsizing everything, I meant _everything_. 1.4178 0.04359 213 141 55 17
345 Did you get this memo on downsizing? 1.4178 0.04410 213 142 53 18
346 You said make copies of everything, right? 1.4178 0.04509 213 144 49 20
347 Your request to be treated like an adult has been denied. 1.4178 0.04509 213 144 49 20
348 Read his lips: you’re fired. 1.4178 0.04654 213 147 43 23
349 This report is nonsense; you think I'm a dummy? 1.4171 0.04489 211 142 50 19
350 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. It should be fairly self-explanatory. 1.4171 0.04539 211 143 48 20
351 You think this is weird? You should see us in the men's room. 1.4171 0.04781 211 148 38 25
352 You're never going to let me live down writing those "Computers for Dummies" books, are you? 1.4171 0.04388 211 140 54 17
353 Happy Monday. I'll be your new micro-manager from now on. 1.4140 0.04277 215 142 57 16
354 This way, I wasn't the one that told you. 1.4135 0.04268 208 136 58 14
355 The last messenger was shot. 1.4135 0.04429 208 139 52 17
356 I didn’t say this. You’re putting words in my mouth! 1.4135 0.04268 208 136 58 14
357 I'd like to submit an official complaint. My boss is touching me inappropriately. 1.4135 0.04583 208 142 46 20
358 I need you to set up a dummy account... 1.4135 0.04532 208 141 48 19
359 What is this you wrote on your evaluation about not being able to take your boss seriously? 1.4135 0.04683 208 144 42 22
360 I don't mean to be a pain in the ass. Believe me, I know how that feels. 1.4135 0.04532 208 141 48 19
361 Bad news from Corporate - we’re downsizing. 1.4126 0.04666 206 142 43 21
362 Hey, don't shoot the messenger. 1.4126 0.04458 206 138 51 17
363 During layoffs, Charles lets his ‘little friend’ handle the awkward dialogue. 1.4126 0.04563 206 140 47 19
364 Here's my application to become a real boy. 1.4126 0.04458 206 138 51 17
365 I'm making you an offer with no strings attached. 1.4126 0.04458 206 138 51 17
366 We quit! 1.4126 0.04405 206 137 53 16
367 Meet the new micromanager 1.4126 0.04615 206 141 45 20
368 And remember, Simcox, anyone can be downsized. 1.4126 0.04615 206 141 45 20
369 You think any dummy could write this? 1.4118 0.04324 204 134 56 14
370 And the next time I want your opinion, I’ll have Jerry here make me ask for it. 1.4118 0.04434 204 136 52 16
371 This is an urgent memo from headquarters ordering us to downsize our staff. 1.4109 0.04408 202 134 53 15
372 Ventriloquism: The new passive-aggression. 1.4109 0.04731 202 140 41 21
373 I have a list of complaints from both of us regarding your wooden demeanor and inability to think outside the box. 1.4109 0.04679 202 139 43 20
374 You're fired, but on the plus side, at least you don't have a hand up your ass. 1.4109 0.04573 202 137 47 18
375 I can't take full credit; my co-worker had a hand in it. 1.4109 0.04573 202 137 47 18
376 I'm filing a harassment claim against Ken. He won't stop touching my behind. 1.4109 0.04626 202 138 45 19
377 You're fired! Ha! Now who's the dummy? 1.4109 0.04464 202 135 51 16
378 Let's be clear---my recent upgrade from "talking dummy" to "ventriloquist assistant" deserves a hefty jump in salary or this act is moving on. 1.4109 0.04464 202 135 51 16
379 Sorry but this is coming from above my head. 1.4109 0.04518 202 136 49 17
380 The President thinks firing you with a Tweet is too impersonal. 1.4109 0.04573 202 137 47 18
381 They're accusing us of being a dummy corporation. 1.4109 0.04626 202 138 45 19
382 Read my lips… He QUITS! 1.4100 0.04659 200 137 44 19
383 There's no easy way to say this: we're downsizing. 1.4100 0.04921 200 142 34 24
384 To be honest, it was hard to focus on your memo with a hand up my ass. 1.4100 0.04818 200 140 38 22
385 Watch! I can fire you without moving my lips. 1.4100 0.04323 200 131 56 13
386 Have you seen this report on the pay gap between dummies and ventriloquists? 1.4089 0.04660 203 140 43 20
387 Wire the money to this account or the ventriloquist's a dead man. 1.4089 0.04660 203 140 43 20
388 I've drawn up the papers for your dummy corporation. 1.4089 0.04608 203 139 45 19
389 The speech is great, but can you take out all the p's, b's and m's? 1.4080 0.04693 201 139 42 20
390 I don't know who left a copy of 'Management for Dummies" on my desk, but it's been a real game-changer. 1.4074 0.04793 189 130 41 18
391 I believe this memo speaks for itself... 1.4072 0.04979 194 138 33 23
392 Don't be alarmed, I'm his emotional support dummy. 1.4070 0.04618 199 136 45 18
393 I don't just speak for the president, I am the president! 1.4070 0.04988 199 143 31 25
394 Looks like corporate is downsizing us again. 1.4070 0.04450 199 133 51 15
395 I will never reveal my source. 1.4070 0.04507 199 134 49 16
396 Here. Read this. He can't throw his voice. 1.4070 0.04507 199 134 49 16
397 We already have enough dummies at the White House. 1.4070 0.04885 199 141 35 23
398 There's no easy way for him to say this, but he's letting you go. 1.4070 0.04450 199 133 51 15
399 ...It's our fun version of downsizing. Also, you're fired. 1.4070 0.04673 199 137 43 19
400 Guess who found a way around your restraining order, Karl? 1.4070 0.04833 199 140 37 22
401 What do you mean 'I'm just a mouthpiece of management?!'" 1.4070 0.04618 199 136 45 18
402 There's been some downsizing. 1.4061 0.04706 197 136 42 19
403 It’s time to get your act together. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
404 But who speaks for the little guy? 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
405 As you see, I've been downsized 75%. Tomorrow you will be downsized 100%. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
406 Here, I took the words right out of his mouth. 1.4061 0.04921 197 140 34 23
407 We’re being downsized. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
408 The boss is really up my ass about these reports Jim 1.4061 0.04761 197 137 40 20
409 I'm on the short list. 1.4058 0.05599 138 95 30 13
410 Is this your requisition for a wood chipper? 1.4051 0.04850 195 137 37 21
411 This is our final offer - no strings attached! 1.4051 0.04511 195 131 49 15
412 Well, If Putin can have a puppet, why can’t I? 1.4041 0.04886 193 136 36 21
413 He doesn't want anything, but here is a list of my demands. 1.4041 0.04423 193 128 52 13
414 "He's taken the fifth, but I haven't". 1.4041 0.04718 193 133 42 18
415 Any dummy can do your job. And here I am. 1.4041 0.04483 193 129 50 14
416 Don't blame me. I'm just the middle man 1.4041 0.04543 193 130 48 15
417 It's hard for me to tell you this, but we're downsizing. 1.4040 0.04687 198 137 42 19
418 With hands that small, I'm offering you a job to replace this shmuck 1.4034 0.06005 119 82 26 11
419 You will see that my resume speaks for itself. 1.4031 0.04694 191 131 43 17
420 Today we are beginning a two tier management system. 1.4021 0.04608 189 128 46 15
421 Proxy Server... 1.4021 0.04668 189 129 44 16
422 It says we need to reduce staff by 75%. But I found a loophole. 1.4021 0.04668 189 129 44 16
423 HR approved an emotional support puppet? 1.4021 0.04728 189 130 42 17
424 This our best offer - no strings attached. 1.4021 0.04961 189 134 34 21
425 Guess who else is getting downsized. 1.4021 0.04846 189 132 38 19
426 You wrote this? And you think I'm the dummy? 1.4021 0.04755 194 135 40 19
427 The company's reorganizing under a puppet regime. 1.4021 0.04698 194 134 42 18
428 We are fed up with working here, although my partner can speak for himself. 1.4010 0.04310 192 126 55 11
429 Take this. And remember, you didn’t hear it from me. 1.4010 0.04615 192 131 45 16
430 He told me to tell you that one reason he's letting you go is your unwillingness to confront people directly... 1.4010 0.04701 197 137 41 19
431 The big guy here wants to fire you, but he doesn't like conflict. So here's your pink slip. 1.4010 0.04645 197 136 43 18
432 Good news, we found someone even better that Sarah Huckabee 1.4000 0.04825 190 133 38 19
433 I dummied up a resume. 1.4000 0.04447 195 131 50 14
434 No matter what, don't let Johnson see this report... he's standing right behind me, isn't he? 1.4000 0.03998 185 116 64 5
435 James wishes he was able to give you this in person. 1.3990 0.04596 193 132 45 16
436 Is this your opinion or did anyone else have a hand in it? 1.3990 0.04769 193 135 39 19
437 I'm here to pay lip service to your request. 1.3989 0.04433 188 125 51 12
438 Talk to the hand puppet, because the management puppet isn't listening. 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
439 No, it's an actual To Do List for Dummies. 1.3989 0.04977 188 134 33 21
440 You’re fired. Now who’s the dummy? 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
441 He put the words in my mouth. 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
442 If you won't do it for him, do it for me. 1.3989 0.04581 183 123 47 13
443 Stop putting words in my mouth, Frank! Willard, you’re fired! 1.3978 0.04778 186 129 40 17
444 Take my copy of "Windows for Dummies. 1.3978 0.04655 186 127 44 15
445 I’d like to file a harassment complaint about an employee who keeps following me and touching me inappropriately. 1.3978 0.05073 186 134 30 22
446 In my orifice NOW! 1.3978 0.04898 186 131 36 19
447 I represent a dummy corporation. 1.3978 0.04717 186 128 42 16
448 HR says you have to stop asking him where his other hand is. 1.3978 0.04528 186 125 48 13
449 It's the charter for my dummy corporation. 1.3978 0.04592 186 126 46 14
450 Jenkins, I just got a promotion, so you'll be taking over for me now. Williams will be keeping his position of course. 1.3978 0.04592 186 126 46 14
451 Don’t look at him, look at me. 1.3978 0.04655 186 127 44 15
452 And in a moment, I am going to fire you while the guy behind me drinks a glass of water. 1.3978 0.04778 186 129 40 17
453 Legally, you've had no direct contact with HR. 1.3978 0.04655 186 127 44 15
454 Here's my proposal, no strings attached. 1.3978 0.04264 186 121 56 9
455 Sexual harassment, Simpson? Those splinters could have come from anywhere. 1.3967 0.04996 184 131 33 20
456 It was at this point that Jerry started questioning if the addition of ventriloquists in the company's inclusion policy had gone too far. 1.3967 0.04625 184 125 45 14
457 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, so I got a puppet. 1.3967 0.04429 184 122 51 11
458 All I'm saying is 'Computers For Dummies' helped me. 1.3967 0.04752 184 127 41 16
459 Fenford, your fired fired fired - just kidding, I was practicing my “f”s. 1.3967 0.04996 184 131 33 20
460 Johnson, what do you know about these allegations that this is a dummy corporation? 1.3967 0.04814 184 128 39 17
461 I'm afraid we've decided to downsize our personnel. 1.3967 0.04689 184 126 43 15
462 What do you mean I'm just a mouthpiece? 1.3967 0.04625 184 125 45 14
463 If this damn cartoon had some color, you'd realize it's your pink slip. 1.3956 0.04659 182 124 44 14
464 I am reporting inappropriate touching in the workplace. 1.3956 0.05154 182 132 28 22
465 I've come to address the complaints regarding indirect communication. 1.3946 0.04541 185 125 47 13
466 George had always thought of his boss as a bit of a dummy, but to see the truth laid bare before him was a bit much. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
467 I'm filing a complaint because I feel like I don't have a voice here. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
468 I prefer the word "rightsizing" to "downsizing." 1.3944 0.05014 180 128 33 19
469 I've always liked you. It's the guy behind me who thinks you should be fired. 1.3944 0.04888 180 126 37 17
470 If it’s any consolation, I didn’t want to let you go… but it’s not like I had any choice. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
471 Speak for yourself, John. 1.3944 0.04422 180 119 51 10
472 I think this memo speaks for itself. 1.3934 0.04767 183 127 40 16
473 And when you are done with this letter can you tell the guy behind me to get his hand out of my ass. 1.3934 0.04767 183 127 40 16
474 This is my complaint stating I’m being touched inappropriately and he won’t let me voice my own opinions 1.3925 0.04892 186 132 35 19
475 Seriously, I'm on the short list for promotion? 1.3923 0.04607 181 123 45 13
476 You're fired but you didn't hear it from me. 1.3923 0.04540 181 122 47 12
477 Sorry, Kaminsky, but Corporate is literally up my ass about this one. 1.3923 0.04929 181 128 35 18
478 HR says we are downsizing 1.3923 0.04540 181 122 47 12
479 You call this a performance evaluation? They loved me in Toledo. 1.3911 0.04573 179 121 46 12
480 Is this where we register for the Codependency Workshop? 1.3911 0.04840 179 125 38 16
481 It's 2018. Using the word "dummy" is not okay. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
482 C'mon, I'd make a great candidate for president--Remember Bush and Cheney? 1.3911 0.05030 179 128 32 19
483 It was my decision, not his. 1.3911 0.04708 179 123 42 14
484 We both need you to order these "For Dummies" books 1.3911 0.04708 179 123 42 14
485 Do I look like I would hand you some fake news? 1.3898 0.04744 177 122 41 14
486 We want a raise. These small suits and ties are not cheap. 1.3898 0.04744 177 122 41 14
487 Who's the puppet now Jerry? 1.3898 0.04606 177 120 45 12
488 How shall I tut this, Teter? You’re thired. 1.3898 0.04877 177 124 37 16
489 Can you say ‘you’re fired’ without moving your lips? 1.3898 0.04811 177 123 39 15
490 Look at the raise I got, Winston! Who's the dummy now? 1.3898 0.05071 177 127 31 19
491 !Of course he can speak for himself, I'm just more intimidating. 1.3898 0.04536 177 119 47 11
492 So you won’t sign the marriage license because we’re gay? 1.3898 0.04943 177 125 35 17
493 Please read this to the dummy behind me. 1.3898 0.04606 177 120 45 12
494 This would be funnier if you were Trump, I was Mueller and the guy holding me was Comey. 1.3898 0.05007 177 126 33 18
495 Here's the new memo on passive aggressive notes. I'm supposed to hand deliver it. 1.3898 0.04744 177 122 41 14
496 Bad news... you didn't make the short list. 1.3898 0.04606 177 120 45 12
497 That term is actually quite offensive, I prefer "puppet". 1.3889 0.04484 180 121 48 11
498 The President denies all knowledge of any payment to Ms Daniels and here's a copy of the payment he never made. I hope that clears things up. 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
499 We'd like to appeal the office talent show decision. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
500 'Cut out the deadwood?' Should I take this personally? 1.3886 0.04497 175 117 48 10
501 I'd like to file a complaint of harassment by Ted who is always touching me. 1.3886 0.04916 175 123 36 16
502 You didn't hear it from me, but the company is downsizing. 1.3886 0.05239 175 128 26 21
503 Yes, the dummy account. 1.3886 0.04982 175 124 34 17
504 There are no small jobs, only small people. 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
505 Did you get the memo about downsizing? 1.3886 0.04641 175 119 44 12
506 I may be a corporate puppet but I still have a job. 1.3886 0.04711 175 120 42 13
507 This script sucks. Do you think I’m a dummy? 1.3886 0.04916 175 123 36 16
508 I want this on my tiny desk by Tuesday. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
509 I know his lips move. But he's my brother-in-law and I'm stuck with him. 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
510 Frankly, I preferred it when you spoke to me in the third person. 1.3886 0.04916 175 123 36 16
511 Our new White House Press Secretary--the President will be delighted! 1.3886 0.05047 175 125 32 18
512 There's no collusion. 1.3886 0.05047 175 125 32 18
513 Harvey"s resigning but I'm staying, so we need to find another hand for my butt. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
514 I represent his holding company. 1.3886 0.04497 175 117 48 10
515 For my next trick, we'll do your annual review while my assistant Mr. Jones drinks a glass of water. 1.3886 0.04641 175 119 44 12
516 I can say whatever I want. He's got my back. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
517 My client wishes to remain anonymous. 1.3876 0.04516 178 120 47 11
518 Did you have a hand in this? 1.3876 0.04722 178 123 41 14
519 Hey, don't blame me, I'm only the messenger. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
520 Dummies now run the country: you're fired. 1.3873 0.05219 173 126 27 20
521 I can't sell this to the client. Do I look like a magician? 1.3873 0.05154 173 125 29 19
522 I'm not a puppet. I'm a corporate-drone middle-manager. There's a difference. 1.3873 0.04530 173 116 47 10
523 But make it sound like it's from him. 1.3873 0.04379 173 114 51 8
524 It's a 'Management for Dummies' book. You need it more than I do. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
525 We regret to inform you that you’re being replaced by a real dummy. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
526 Are you the dummy who wrote this report? 1.3873 0.04747 173 119 41 13
527 It's another round of downsizing 1.3873 0.04817 173 120 39 14
528 Be honest, Jim. Are you the one who wrote 'dummy' on the performance review? 1.3873 0.04530 173 116 47 10
529 Excellent work, Bernstein, if I do say so myself. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
530 I don't mean to be a micromanager. 1.3873 0.04676 173 118 43 12
531 Here's my resignation. Let some other dummy do your dirty work. 1.3873 0.05022 173 123 33 17
532 Don't shoot me, I'm only carrying the messenger 1.3873 0.04747 173 119 41 13
533 Bill says he's getting tired. I'll need you to bring me to the eleven o'clock meeting. 1.3873 0.04887 173 121 37 15
534 Yes that’s right Don read my lips, you’re fired 1.3864 0.04477 176 118 48 10
535 I pull the strings here, not you! 1.3864 0.04620 176 120 44 12
536 Didn't you get the downsizing memo? 1.3860 0.04638 171 116 44 11
537 Apparently, our policy on Appropriate Workplace Touching doesn’t apply to management. 1.3860 0.05328 171 126 24 21
538 HR is now offering free, discreet prostate exams. 1.3860 0.05063 171 122 32 17
539 In the spirit of #MeToo, I feel the section on ‘inappropriate touching’ should be updated. 1.3860 0.05063 171 122 32 17
540 What do you mean by this note, 'Speak for yourself'? 1.3860 0.04711 171 117 42 12
541 I have a small complaint. 1.3860 0.04855 171 119 38 14
542 I didn't say that... You put words in my mouth! 1.3860 0.04638 171 116 44 11
543 So who's the puppet master now, Steve? 1.3860 0.04995 171 121 34 16
544 Ok, you never heard this from me.... 1.3851 0.04582 174 118 45 11
545 I see we are downsizing again 1.3851 0.04998 174 124 33 17
546 Yes, I'm afraid it's about the downsizing. 1.3851 0.04795 174 121 39 14
547 It’s right here in black and white. Any dummy can do your job! 1.3846 0.04748 169 116 41 12
548 I'd quit, but I can't find another company whose insurance covers my carpenter. 1.3846 0.04821 169 117 39 13
549 Here's your pink slip. Who's calling who a dummy now? 1.3846 0.04894 169 118 37 14
550 He micro manages me too. 1.3846 0.04894 169 118 37 14
551 It’s a great offer. No strings attached. 1.3846 0.04441 169 112 49 8
552 Yur ired 1.3846 0.05036 169 120 33 16
553 You can talk to me or you can talk to the Big Guy. 1.3846 0.04597 169 114 45 10
554 Look, Johnson, corporate's gonna be up my ass if you don't get these reports done. 1.3837 0.05106 172 124 30 18
555 It's a memo about the downsizing. 1.3837 0.04832 172 120 38 14
556 The guy with the hand up my a** says you mispelled both ‘obnoxious’ and ‘puppet’ in his annual job review. 1.3837 0.04761 172 119 40 13
557 Can you explain this "micro-manage" comment in your e-mail? 1.3832 0.04860 167 116 38 13
558 And for the final part of your training, we'll teach you how to recognize dummy accounts. 1.3832 0.04933 167 117 36 14
559 We need a third signature. 1.3832 0.05006 167 118 34 15
560 I regret to inform you that you're no longer the boss's right-hand man. 1.3832 0.04933 167 117 36 14
561 John here would keep you on, but I'm letting you go. 1.3832 0.04632 167 113 44 10
562 Actually, he's the one pulling the strings around here. 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
563 What’s the big idea leaving a note? Talk to me like a real man. 1.3832 0.05078 167 119 32 16
564 Your job has been down-sized. 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
565 You didn't answer my memo, so read my lips. 1.3824 0.04798 170 118 39 13
566 Here's my resume. I can prove I worked in the White House Communications Office. 1.3824 0.05080 170 122 31 17
567 He's the one telling all the lies? Not me! 1.3824 0.04651 170 116 43 11
568 I'm not at liberty to say who told me. 1.3824 0.04725 170 117 41 12
569 I've discovered a flaw in our cloning algorithm. 1.3818 0.04899 165 115 37 13
570 NOT MY FAULT ! He’s holding me up. 1.3818 0.04974 165 116 35 14
571 I receithed your neno and I hathe son klestions. 1.3810 0.05052 168 120 32 16
572 I want you to meet my new right hand man. 1.3795 0.04949 166 117 35 14
573 Well, what do you expect from a dummy corporation. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
574 THIS BILL IS OUTRAGEOUS---- DO YOU THINK I"AM A DUMMY? 1.3795 0.05095 166 119 31 16
575 Here's a phiece of phapher. 1.3795 0.05095 166 119 31 16
576 I may be a dummy, but I'm still your boss. 1.3795 0.05305 166 122 25 19
577 Don't blame the messenger's messenger. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
578 I'm his right-hand man. 1.3795 0.05022 166 118 33 15
579 They told me "any dummy can do this job", so I've been given yours. 1.3795 0.04645 166 113 43 10
580 The boss doesn't have a hand in this. You're fired. 1.3795 0.04723 166 114 41 11
581 I hate to micromanage, but that's kind of how I was built. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
582 Please don't shoot the messenger. 1.3780 0.05138 164 118 30 16
583 When I said delegate this is not what I meant, John. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
584 'Dummy' is out. From now on it's 'a plastic and/or wooden employee with a voice from an outside source'. 1.3780 0.04518 164 110 46 8
585 Fred, I wish it was me he was letting go rather than you. 1.3780 0.05138 164 118 30 16
586 This says I've been promoted to micromanager. 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
587 I'm applying for a position where I sit on a chair instead of a finger. 1.3780 0.04914 164 115 36 13
588 Confronted with the results of his prank, Gary regretted leaving that copy of "Office Management for Dummies" on his bosses desk. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
589 As you see, I am making this offer with no strings attached. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
590 What did you mean by 'dummy corporation'? 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
591 You need to get the CEO off my back 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
592 I wish that HIS hand was as small as yours. 1.3780 0.05210 164 119 28 17
593 Here’s my formal resignation. No one calls me a dummy. 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
594 Heads up - the boss just let me know we're downsizing. 1.3780 0.04680 164 112 42 10
595 Read my lips. 1.3780 0.05210 164 119 28 17
596 I'll take his hand outta mine when you take your head outta yours. 1.3780 0.05210 164 119 28 17
597 We’re being downsized. 1.3780 0.04600 164 111 44 9
598 But if it makes you feel any better, we are ALL getting downsized. 1.3772 0.04925 167 118 35 14
599 Wuddya mean 'equal pay for equal height' ?? 1.3765 0.05399 162 120 23 19
600 He hates to bring bad news. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
601 Did you write this? It doesn’t sound like you. 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
602 Alright, Jim, now before I go over your evaluation, kindly hand Louis that completely full glass of water. 1.3765 0.04798 162 112 39 11
603 You call this a report? What kind of a dummy do you think I am? 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
604 And remember, we outnumber you one and a half to one. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
605 When I want your opinion, he'll give it to you! 1.3765 0.04798 162 112 39 11
606 I'm sick and tired of taking orders from these corporate puppets. 1.3765 0.04717 162 111 41 10
607 We hope you don't mind a little micromanagement. 1.3765 0.05182 162 117 29 16
608 Corporate told me the company needed to downsize. 1.3765 0.04955 162 114 35 13
609 I'm keeping a stiff upper lip no matter what he says. 1.3765 0.04717 162 111 41 10
610 Just got word from corporate: we're downsizing. 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
611 Sorry but the decision is out of my hands. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
612 Remember that comment about 'Management for Dummies'? Well I read it. And you're fired. 1.3758 0.05039 165 118 32 15
613 I'll be out next week. Here's a note from my carpenter. 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
614 ...and THEN he returned to work without washing his hands. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
615 This letter certifies I'm his emotional support dummy. 1.3750 0.05301 160 117 26 17
616 I think my resume speaks for itself. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
617 No strings attached? It's worse. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
618 This document advises you that all communications with my client are to be conducted through me and that he is not a party to any conversation. 1.3750 0.04917 160 112 36 12
619 I'm going to drop this off and leave. I know what it's like to have someone breathing down my neck. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
620 Notice his lips never move as we explain your severance package... 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
621 My client represents a dummy corporation. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
622 And remember, nobody working in the White House gave you these instructions. 1.3750 0.05227 160 116 28 16
623 I hear you are researching the McCarthy era. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
624 He'd tell you himself but he's got laryngitis. 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
625 I was totally in favor of downsizing Management, but this was not what I had in mind 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
626 Are you the dummy who wrote this? 1.3750 0.05227 160 116 28 16
627 It's just a little request from the Big Guy. 1.3750 0.04917 160 112 36 12
628 Do I look like I would spend $200 on wine? 1.3750 0.04754 160 110 40 10
629 The dummy behind me wants a raise! 1.3750 0.05227 160 116 28 16
630 Henry could you be a doll, and get these reports on my desk in an hour? 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
631 hey small hands - look at me when I'm talking to you ! 1.3734 0.04958 158 111 35 12
632 Bad news Dudley, we're downsizing. 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
633 I tell you I AM your President pay no attention to man behind me. Right Vladimir? 1.3734 0.05118 158 113 31 14
634 You’re fired! Who’s the dummy now? 1.3734 0.04792 158 109 39 10
635 It's a new kind of voicemail 1.3734 0.04876 158 110 37 11
636 My eyes are down here, buddy. 1.3734 0.04533 158 106 45 7
637 I think I speak for others when I say this memo is an insult. 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
638 I'd like to file a harassment claim. 1.3734 0.04958 158 111 35 12
639 We're sorry to let you go--and I'm not just saying that 1.3727 0.04892 161 113 36 12
640 I'm not very good with confrontation. You're fired. 1.3725 0.04984 153 107 35 11
641 I am handing in my resignation since you won't listen to him 1.3725 0.04984 153 107 35 11
642 I'd like to formally file this sexual harassment complaint against a certain handsy co-worker. 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
643 I'm done reviewing the small print. 1.3718 0.04567 156 105 44 7
644 Here are my written comments - I'm tired of other people putting words in my mouth. 1.3718 0.05320 156 114 26 16
645 " Well, you asked for the dummy file"! 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
646 I'd like to file a sexual harassment claim against my co-worker here. 1.3711 0.05012 159 113 33 13
647 We consider your use of 'dummy corporation' a microaggression. 1.3711 0.04768 159 110 39 10
648 I dummied this up so you would understand it. 1.3711 0.05091 159 114 31 14
649 You can see where his hand is, can't you? And you don't consider this an inappropriate workplace behavior? 1.3711 0.05245 159 116 27 16
650 Can you get this done? Management is really up my you know what. 1.3711 0.05091 159 114 31 14
651 For this project I've decided to put myself entirely in your hands. 1.3711 0.04510 159 107 45 7
652 " Eyes down here dummy". 1.3701 0.05042 154 109 33 12
653 I'm only the messenger. 1.3701 0.04602 154 104 43 7
654 How many times to I have to ask you not to cc him on your emails to me ? 1.3701 0.05208 154 111 29 14
655 Sorry, he had to choose between you and me. 1.3701 0.05208 154 111 29 14
656 This is his letter of resignation I'm staying on. 1.3701 0.04957 154 108 35 11
657 Hey don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. 1.3701 0.04871 154 107 37 10
658 Well, what did you think they meant when they said we were all being downsized? 1.3701 0.04783 154 106 39 9
659 Feel free to shoot the messenger. 1.3701 0.05126 154 110 31 13
660 I would never say this. 1.3701 0.04783 154 106 39 9
661 This is our list of grievances, starting with the termites. 1.3694 0.04890 157 110 36 11
662 I don't need a computer, I already have artificial intelligence. 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
663 I have it in writing that he won't speak for me any more. 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
664 Don’t look at me like that – I have just as little control over this as you do. 1.3684 0.05171 152 109 30 13
665 Yur ired 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
666 In recognition of your work, I'm presenting you with a gift certificate for my new book: "Dummies for Dummies." 1.3684 0.05337 152 111 26 15
667 We make firing fun. You're fired. 1.3684 0.04912 152 106 36 10
668 This document speaks for itself. 1.3677 0.05015 155 110 33 12
669 He couldn’t bring himself to fire you in person. 1.3660 0.04885 153 107 36 10
670 I assure you. There are no strings attached. 1.3660 0.04973 153 108 34 11
671 I'm sorry we have to let you go, but it turns out that even a dummy could do your job 1.3660 0.04796 153 106 38 9
672 I didn’t say that, he did. 1.3660 0.04973 153 108 34 11
673 I have brought a proposal for my new book, VENTRILOQUISM FOR DUMMIES. 1.3660 0.05388 153 113 24 16
674 Remember, you didn’t hear it from him. 1.3660 0.05226 153 111 28 14
675 Alan, did you have a hand in this?! 1.3654 0.05152 156 113 29 14
676 Here's my two weeks notice. I ventriloquit. 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
677 Yes, Jim, I heard you, we’re all puppets in corporate America, but I’m a little busy right now. 1.3642 0.04836 151 105 37 9
678 In what universe is it fair to pay one for the work of two? 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
679 I need you to do this so I can get him off my ass. 1.3642 0.05188 151 109 29 13
680 'Excel for Dummies?' What do you take me for? 1.3642 0.05188 151 109 29 13
681 Dummy is so retro. I prefer humanistically impaired. 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
682 Guess which one of us wrote your resignation letter? 1.3642 0.04744 151 104 39 8
683 #metwo 1.3642 0.05273 151 110 27 14
684 I need you to record this Non-Disclosure Agreement,concerning his hand placement. 1.3642 0.05356 151 111 25 15
685 Trust me, this is verifiable, first-hand information. 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
686 You've been selected for downsizing, too. 1.3636 0.05115 154 111 30 13
687 I can't take this report seriously. 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
688 Mr. Hannigan is going to fire you, Mark. I wanted you to hear it from me first. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
689 You're fired. So who's the dummy? 1.3624 0.04782 149 103 38 8
690 Here! Any dummy can figure this out. 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
691 When I hired you, I warned you never to call me "dummy." 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
692 Good news, my doctor here says my prostate is just fine. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
693 You're being downsized, too. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
694 You ever get the feeling in this office that someone is always talking about you behind your back? 1.3624 0.05235 149 108 28 13
695 Sorry to have to let you go Petersen, but we need people around here who can think for themselves! 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
696 He's not a ventriloquist, he's a coward. 1.3624 0.04968 149 105 34 10
697 He’s taken a vow of silence until Trump leaves the White House. 1.3624 0.05651 149 113 18 18
698 We have a small problem... 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
699 Who's the dummy? You work here by choice. 1.3618 0.04900 152 107 35 10
700 To answer your question, yes. I've hired a human to do my job. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
701 I would like to file a complaint for inappropriate touching from my supervisor. 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
702 'I'm gonna need a hand, Phil' 1.3605 0.05370 147 108 25 14
703 Don't worry, he's been carrying me for years. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
704 Human Resources, right? Can you get this guy's hand out of my ass? 1.3605 0.05370 147 108 25 14
705 You're fired. But president says you are a great guy. 1.3605 0.05194 147 106 29 12
706 This is a grievance about our current job sharing arrangement. 1.3605 0.05194 147 106 29 12
707 I told you, I speak for myself. 1.3605 0.04724 147 101 39 7
708 At least my hands are proportionate to the rest of my body. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
709 This time I brought my attorney: he speaks for me. 1.3605 0.04821 147 102 37 8
710 Sign this so I can get this guy off my ass. 1.3605 0.05456 147 109 23 15
711 I'd like to place this ad for a female ventriloquist! 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
712 Welcome to the Trump legal team. 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
713 Mr. Jones is submitting his resignation by proxy. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
714 Number three -- the termite jokes are creating a hostile work environment. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
715 You think the boss is up your ass? 1.3600 0.05539 150 113 20 17
716 Hey Dan, you were right. My 23andMe test results show that I am, in fact, a puppet. 1.3600 0.04849 150 105 36 9
717 Here's a memo about our transition from an LLC to a Dummy Corporation. 1.3595 0.04873 153 108 35 10
718 All employees are required to wash their hands. 1.3586 0.05332 145 106 26 13
719 I think I figured out how we’re going to win the Pinocchio account. 1.3586 0.04557 145 98 42 5
720 Yes, I’ve submitted two sets of expenses. You got a problem with that? 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
721 Read my lips, Johnson! I need this on my desk by five! 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
722 Speak for yourself. 1.3586 0.05149 145 104 30 11
723 They told me I was being downsized. 1.3586 0.05241 145 105 28 12
724 Corporate's downsizing all of us. 1.3586 0.05332 145 106 26 13
725 But you said you wanted the short version. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
726 Please take my complaint -- this guy won't keep his hands off me! 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
727 “It says here, “Read my lips”. 1.3581 0.04983 148 105 33 10
728 Remember, you didn't get this from me. 1.3581 0.04983 148 105 33 10
729 I told you it was so easy a dummy could do it. 1.3581 0.05074 148 106 31 11
730 Here's the paperwork for our dummy corporation. 1.3571 0.05019 154 111 31 12
731 I stand corrected. Any dummy could *not* do your job. Please accept my apologies. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
732 We believe the résumé speaks for itself. 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
733 Look at me in the eyes when I talk to you! 1.3566 0.05382 143 105 25 13
734 Really, Carl? You couldn't just come to me directly with this information? 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
735 Here is my formal complaint. I’m a victim of inappropriate touching. 1.3566 0.05736 143 109 17 17
736 Is this the right form for disclosing an intra-office relationship? 1.3566 0.05472 143 106 23 14
737 What do you mean, 'cut out the middle man' ? 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
738 You're job is being outsourced to a bunch of shadow puppets in Thailand. Now who's the dummy? 1.3566 0.04903 143 100 35 8
739 I won't be a puppet for this organization one day longer. Order me a chair! 1.3566 0.05382 143 105 25 13
740 I hope you can read shorthand 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
741 I'm getting everybody to sign this birthday card for Randall. 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
742 Grimsby, the boss wants you to read this memo about being more direct with your co-workers. 1.3566 0.05002 143 101 33 9
743 The big guy doesn't have the heart to give you this pink slip, but I don't have a heart, so here it is and away you go........! 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
744 I don't want to work here anyway. You're just a bunch of dummies who keep putting words in my mouth. 1.3551 0.04911 138 96 35 7
745 This is a subpoena. Who's the dummy now? 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
746 I want to report him. He’s being inappropriate. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
747 Have you seen this memo about staff reductions? 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
748 I just don't feel like it's written in your authentic voice... 1.3546 0.04841 141 98 36 7
749 I don't like being the bad guy but my boss is really getting up my ass about this one 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
750 Hey, being downsized isn't so bad. 1.3546 0.04841 141 98 36 7
751 You have the right to remain silent, but I don't. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
752 Legal says this is the only way we can both have deniability. 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
753 Read it yourself, Dummy 1.3546 0.05706 141 107 18 16
754 Here you go, straight from the big man. 1.3546 0.04736 141 97 38 6
755 Could you rewrite this so even a dummy can understand it? 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
756 Here's a list of our demands. First of all, I want an employee ID badge that doesn't say "Fred's Dummy." 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
757 He thinks you're a great guy and wants to remain friends. I couldn't care less. Here's your notice. You're fired. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
758 I'm speechless. 1.3546 0.04841 141 98 36 7
759 Are you the dummy who wrote this? 1.3546 0.05046 141 100 32 9
760 I'm here to be President Trump's new Press Secretary. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
761 I write the fine print. 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
762 You thought it ended with transgender rights? 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
763 I'd like to voice a concern. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
764 Please review and sign the updated list of phrases that are no longer acceptable to use in the work place. This list includes phrases like “micromanagment”, “out of reach” and “short staffed”. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
765 I didn't want to let you go. But I'm just a puppet of management. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
766 It’s called plausible deniability. 1.3542 0.05070 144 103 31 10
767 Mike, you wanna hand me your coffee cup so that Andy, here, can appear to be drinking while I read your pink slip to you? 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
768 He thought you were going to shoot the messenger. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
769 He says to tell you that we're downsizing. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
770 I was afraid of this. We've become a puppet state. 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
771 Hey, I'm just doing what the man tells me. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
772 We find the term ‘puppet’ problematic 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
773 It’s an outline for my book, Ventriloquism For Dummies 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
774 The Vice President hates your memo. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
775 Here, look! I'm the one that paid the $130,000! 1.3525 0.05580 139 104 21 14
776 He's the boss, but I give the orders. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
777 You're 'ired, Joe, here's your 'ink slib" 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
778 What made you presume you could speak for me? 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
779 Get this done, or my boss will be up your ass. 1.3521 0.05116 142 102 30 10
780 Read this back to me, without moving your lips. 1.3521 0.05212 142 103 28 11
781 Redo the speech, it still has words I have to move my lips to say. 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
782 Jim, this guy keeps following me and speaking behind my back. 1.3521 0.04916 142 100 34 8
783 Is this your idea of a second opinion? 1.3521 0.05017 142 101 32 9
784 This restraining order is a joke! He's still on my back. 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
785 Look on the bright side. The people in the mailroom were told by the downsizing sock puppet. 1.3507 0.05531 134 99 23 12
786 Here’s a summary of the report I need – have it on my knee first thing Monday morning. 1.3507 0.05324 134 97 27 10
787 Next time you have something to say to me, say it to my face. 1.3504 0.04814 137 95 36 6
788 Listen to me, not him. To get the President's attention, we need to dummy down our message. 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
789 They were going to send in the clown but I said I’d do it... 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
790 The boss asked what dummy wrote this memo. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
791 I want you to know, it wasn’t my decision. 1.3504 0.05241 137 99 28 10
792 He can't tell you how sorry he is that he has to let you go. 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
793 Maybe you didn't get the memo. We're downsizing and I'm the new micromanager. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
794 Hey, tell this schmuck behind me he's fired. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
795 My shrink told me to lose the dummy...so you're fired 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
796 Who says so? 1.3500 0.05260 140 102 27 11
797 I want to submit this sexual harrassment complaint - You would not believe where he has put his hands 1.3500 0.05162 140 101 29 10
798 I'm so sorry... I'm pretty sure Stevens had a hand in this. 1.3500 0.05162 140 101 29 10
799 Larry, you're being promoted. Take this form to the Ventrilo department to get fitted for your own puppet. 1.3500 0.05357 140 103 25 12
800 Here is a list of employee demands. Would you rather we do this while Hotchkiss drinks a glass of water? 1.3500 0.05061 140 100 31 9
801 We've looked over your proposal, Peterson. Larry's onboard. I'm not there yet. 1.3500 0.04854 140 98 35 7
802 you've been selected for our employee downsizing initiative 1.3485 0.05043 132 93 32 7
803 Consider yourself lucky. All you're getting is this pink slip. I'm the one who's getting the shaft all day long. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
804 What do you mean talking out of both sides of my mouth? 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
805 Let me see you read it without moving your lips. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
806 Memo says we're being downsized. 1.3481 0.05291 135 98 27 10
807 The jerk with his hand up my bum says you’re fired. 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
808 This is gibberish. Do you think I'm some kind of dummy? 1.3481 0.05496 135 100 23 12
809 I need to file a sexual harassment suit against the guy with his hand in my pants! 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
810 I better have this on my tiny desk by the end of the day. 1.3481 0.04740 135 93 37 5
811 I was CC'd on this email: For the record: it's "Dummy", not "Moron". 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
812 He couldn't do it, but I can. .... Son-in-law, YOUR'E FIRED! 1.3481 0.05693 135 102 19 14
813 Bad news. You've been downsized. 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
814 He made me do it. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
815 Yes, it's a subpoena dummy 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
816 Tell me you didn't actually write 'Dummy Corporation' in your business proposal 1.3481 0.05595 135 101 21 13
817 Management has been up my ass about the recent marketing mistake. 1.3481 0.05884 135 104 15 16
818 I know I'm your pain in the ass, but he is mine. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
819 In light of work visa restrictions, we're experimenting with new staffing models. 1.3481 0.04967 135 95 33 7
820 It says here equal pay for equal work and don’t call me dummy. 1.3478 0.04786 138 96 36 6
821 Good news, you're my biological father. 1.3478 0.05967 138 108 12 18
822 I'd like to submit a complaint about a man following me. 1.3475 0.04720 141 98 37 6
823 But the policy says it can’t be harassment if I didn’t actually say it. 1.3475 0.04826 141 99 35 7
824 Bad news. We got rejected for the “Two and Half Men” reboot. 1.3462 0.04724 130 89 37 4
825 From one dummy to another, you are fired. 1.3462 0.05537 130 96 23 11
826 In spite of the restraining order, wherever I go, he’s still right behind me! 1.3459 0.05342 133 97 26 10
827 Well, now I make him write everything down, or else he takes the words right out of my mouth! 1.3459 0.04779 133 92 36 5
828 It says you agree to me acting as intermediary. 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
829 Here's a promo for my latest book "Microsoft Office By and For Dummies". 1.3459 0.05447 133 98 24 11
830 Todd's voice is gone, so I will be speaking for him. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
831 When drafting legal documents, we do not use the word ‘mouthpiece.’ 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
832 The prose might be kind of wooden, but I'm sure you can fix it. 1.3459 0.05447 133 98 24 11
833 Hi, I'm Terry. I will be handing out the Pink Slips for Barry. 1.3459 0.04534 133 90 40 3
834 He struggles with confrontation. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
835 Yet another memo from the dummy. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
836 This is what I meant by Management for Dummies. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
837 I pulled some strings to get you this assignment. 1.3459 0.05447 133 98 24 11
838 Unfortunately we're downsizing. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
839 Don't take this personally, but we're downsizing the department. 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
840 He doesn’t know how to say this, so… 1.3456 0.05360 136 100 25 11
841 We're doing it this way to insure his deniability. 1.3456 0.05046 136 97 31 8
842 I’m afraid that sticking it THERE is, at the moment, impossible! 1.3456 0.05461 136 101 23 12
843 The whole take your child to work vibe changed once Leon started bringing his puppets. 1.3456 0.05258 136 99 27 10
844 Some accountant you are! I checked with the IRS myself and under the new tax law, I CAN claim him as a dependent! 1.3456 0.05360 136 100 25 11
845 Put this in our dummy account. 1.3451 0.04693 142 99 37 6
846 That's right, I'm the blockhead who setup the dummy account. 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
847 We were just let go for job redundancy. 1.3435 0.05171 131 94 29 8
848 Have it on my desk, which is on his desk, by morning. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
849 He'd tell you himself but he hates conflict. 1.3435 0.05284 131 95 27 9
850 Listen, I'm micro management. 1.3435 0.05501 131 97 23 11
851 I'd like to file an HR complaint about this downsizing memo. 1.3435 0.05171 131 94 29 8
852 I'm your new micro-manager. 1.3435 0.05607 131 98 21 12
853 I have a little addendum. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
854 I've decided to write my own material. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
855 Here's a memo that states from now on I speak for Allen. 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
856 I believe I speak for the boss, here, when I tell you, "You're fired!" 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
857 Think this might hold his attention at the next intelligence briefing? 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
858 Here’s my nomination for employee of the year award. 1.3435 0.05284 131 95 27 9
859 What's all this about keeping the 'little dummy' out of the loop? 1.3435 0.05711 131 99 19 13
860 I wish we didn't have to let you go, but of course it's not my decision to make. 1.3433 0.05412 134 99 24 11
861 LIMERICK: I once had a boss named Dick...He did a ventriloquist schtick...He thought it was funny...To talk through his dummy...But he just came across as a prick. 1.3433 0.05412 134 99 24 11
862 I’m no dummy. You’re not the first person to try and put words in my mouth. 1.3431 0.05016 137 98 31 8
863 Care to sign my petition on micro-managing? 1.3413 0.05423 126 92 25 9
864 My right-hand man has this great new proposal. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
865 If I give you these instructions I printed off the internet, you can turn me into a real boy by tomorrow, right? 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
866 Shoot the messenger. 1.3411 0.05665 129 97 20 12
867 Heck, it’s easy. Any dum... er, anyone, can do it. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
868 Listen, the boss has really been "up my ass" on this one. 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
869 It's not my fault that your boss called a talent agency instead of a temp agency. 1.3411 0.04983 129 91 32 6
870 Your non-confrontational boss has fired you. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
871 Sorry about this, but they forced my hand. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
872 It's from HR. Stop using my head when you knock wood. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
873 Who's the dummy now, big guy? Check out these numbers! 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
874 You look like you could use a hand. 1.3411 0.04733 129 89 36 4
875 Just sign this nondisclosure agreement. The money is from my personal account. My boss will reimburse me but he doesn't know anything about it. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
876 Here's the inside scoop, but let's just say you didn't hear it from me! 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
877 Yeah? Well this dummy’s got a corner office. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
878 It seems nobody has the guts to discuss these personal hygiene tips with you. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
879 For the record, I am not management’s puppet! 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
880 Just so you know, letting you go wasn't my idea. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
881 This is brilliant work, I really related to your piece on being a "puppet for the man" 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
882 I bet you'd find the HR complaint more credible if he was constantly grabbing your behind! 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
883 Yes, I am speaking for myself! 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
884 Wilson, cancel this press release! You've got to stop putting words in my mouth. 1.3411 0.04983 129 91 32 6
885 It's called "Dummies for Dummies" 1.3409 0.05139 132 95 29 8
886 The preferred term is Manual Verbal Partner. 1.3409 0.05025 132 94 31 7
887 If my client could speak, he would tell you nothing. 1.3409 0.04789 132 92 35 5
888 He's a rescue 1.3409 0.05673 132 100 19 13
889 Why doesn't my invitation to your wedding have Plus-One? 1.3409 0.04908 132 93 33 6
890 Here is the independent confirmation for your story 1.3409 0.05359 132 97 25 10
891 The sock monkey is on family leave. 1.3409 0.05466 132 98 23 11
892 Read my lips..."No Collusion" 1.3407 0.05480 135 101 22 12
893 These are my terms. I can work for two ventriloquists but you can't both talk at the same time. 1.3386 0.05725 127 96 19 12
894 Do you know who you're talking to? I don't think you know just who you're talking to. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
895 Parsons, when addressing a memo to management, the "d" in dummy should always be capitalized. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
896 If it comes out of my mouth, you can be sure it's fake news. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
897 My boss lets me speak for myself. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
898 I'm collecting signatures on my petition to include termite treatment in our medical benefits. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
899 This is my therapy doll. He's firing you. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
900 This report looks like it was written for dummies! 1.3386 0.05502 127 94 23 10
901 I’m sick of you office drones looking down on us corporate puppets. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
902 Arnold, I got us a great price on the Toys R Us deal, no strings attached. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
903 Here's your notice, we're downsizing. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
904 HR said that it would be easier this way, that it would "lighten the mood". I see now that they were mistaken. Please pack your belongings by the end of the day. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
905 Here is my client's statement that he has no knowledge of anything and that I'm not his attorney. 1.3386 0.05502 127 94 23 10
906 I need it before I go back in my trunk. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
907 As Mr. Jackson’s attorney, all communication must go through me. 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
908 Boss has been up my ass about getting you these reports. 1.3386 0.05502 127 94 23 10
909 HR policy, the word 'D' word is out, from now on, 'Ventriloquist's emotional support assistant' is the appropriate term, got that? 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
910 I demand equal pay. 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
911 Meet the new office shrink. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
912 You heard ree: we ha a warren te sersh de remses. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
913 Well, you said any dummy could it. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
914 Sorry, the AI is down. 1.3386 0.04639 127 87 37 3
915 Who’s the dummy now? 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
916 From now on, this office will only have one micromanager. 1.3385 0.04951 130 92 32 6
917 Of course I stand behind this policy. 1.3385 0.05186 130 94 28 8
918 This letter from HR says you must address me as Jimbo even if you can see Steve's mouth moving, which you totally can't. 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
919 In my whole career as a therapy puppet, I’ve never seen such a mediocre report. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
920 Can you read shorthand? 1.3383 0.04993 133 95 31 7
921 Here's my proctologist's number. I highly recommend him. 1.3383 0.05325 133 98 25 10
922 My therapist told me speaking in the third person helps regulate my emotions. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
923 I wish management wasn’t so controlling. 1.3360 0.04944 125 88 32 5
924 I'd email these to you, but then how would you know he's a ventriloquist? 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
925 Hey, I'm just the messenger. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
926 The rumors are true, we're scaling down. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
927 HR needs you to identify which of us you referred to as a 'dummy' in a suit. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
928 ‘Read it! It speak’s for itself’ 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
929 This is a great scoop but I can’t reveal my source. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
930 I think it’s great, I’m just not sure the big man’s gonna like it. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
931 Pleased to meet you, I'm your bosses "therapy dummy". Here's your pink slip and he had nothing to do with this. 1.3360 0.05786 125 95 18 12
932 Can you take a look at this? The boss has been up my ass all day. 1.3360 0.05786 125 95 18 12
933 He's a hands-in kind of boss. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
934 Read my lips: do it over 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
935 Attempts at "fun terminations" were not going well. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
936 This is going to be hard to say 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
937 Do exactly what it says, or the big guy here gets it! 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
938 This is to put you on notice that you can no longer put words in my mouth. 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
939 The other dummy says you're fired, too. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
940 My anger-management therapist said I should do this... just take the f•cking paper. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
941 We're just not comfortable with your communication skills. 1.3360 0.04812 125 87 34 4
942 Here’s his resume. You get two for the price of one, I do all the talking and he does all the work. 1.3360 0.05786 125 95 18 12
943 We're not dummies. We're verbally-assisted communicators. 1.3359 0.05351 128 94 25 9
944 I took the words right out of his mouth. 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
945 Don't blame the messenger. 1.3359 0.05465 128 95 23 10
946 Who has the useless skill now? 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
947 It’s part of our two-factor verification process. 1.3359 0.05686 128 97 19 12
948 Did You Go Over My Head!! 1.3359 0.05116 128 92 29 7
949 If it was up to me I wouldn't fire you, but it's out of my hands. 1.3359 0.05116 128 92 29 7
950 Honestly Bill I wouldn't be making this proposal if it wasn't for the size of your hands. 1.3359 0.05465 128 95 23 10
951 I'm sure you've heard rumors that we're having a "reduction in size" here. 1.3359 0.05465 128 95 23 10
952 I'm afraid there's only room for one dummy in this organization. 1.3333 0.05734 123 93 19 11
953 Little Boss Man says it's time to pack your bags. Big Boss Man says thanks for your service. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
954 And, finally, I resent being called a dummy. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
955 As you see, the downsizing impacts us all 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
956 A brief reminder, Simmons, that I’m pulling the strings around here. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
957 Corporate has sent some dummy to lay you off. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
958 I need to file a complaint with HR. This guy won’t take his hand out of my ass. 1.3333 0.05962 123 95 15 13
959 Who's the dummy now Wilson? 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
960 Oh, but I can talk to you this way... Apparently, HR has no power over the ventriloquist loophole. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
961 Don't put words in my mouth, Perkins--I never said we were downsizing! 1.3333 0.04963 129 92 31 6
962 I'm filing a complaint. This guy wasn't in the job description. 1.3333 0.05849 123 94 17 12
963 It's our new diversity policy 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
964 Don’t just stare at me, Bob. What do you take me for, a dummy?! 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
965 Here's his resume, please give him something to do so he'll get his hand out of my ass! 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
966 I'm sorry, but it's out of my hands. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
967 from one dummy to another---next time read the memo. 1.3333 0.05404 126 93 24 9
968 I'm a third-party consultant. 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
969 I'm just the messenger, but you're fired. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
970 Let's not make this more uncomfortable than it has to be. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
971 Brad isn't very good with confrontation. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
972 Gag order doesn't apply to me, Jimbo! 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
973 Take your child to work day was always an uncomfortable affair for Eugene... 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
974 ' Here's my letter of resignation;he won't let me speak for myself." 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
975 This comes straight from the big guy. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
976 You lost the vote for team leader 2 to 1. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
977 Are you the one sending me all these dummy emails? 1.3306 0.05458 124 92 23 9
978 Without moving your lips, what do you have to say about this? 1.3306 0.05458 124 92 23 9
979 Here's a non-biased third-party review of your performance. 1.3306 0.05676 121 91 20 10
980 Your layoff notice. Who's the dummy now? 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
981 It's always the puppets that climb the corporate ladder. 1.3280 0.04922 125 89 31 5
982 Candice Bergen is suing you. 1.3280 0.05539 125 94 21 10
983 You're fired. That's the last time you'll call me a Muppet. 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
984 After pulling a few strings your transfer was approved. 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
985 Hey, I said read my lips, not his! 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
986 I documented every time you called me dummy. 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
987 So what!? You are communicating through a mouse. 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
988 Congratulations - you've been served. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
989 That idiot Carl glued this to my hand. What? He's right behind be, isn't he? 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
990 I'm not sure what you mean in your complaint about me "micromanaging". 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
991 I don't want to see YOUR lips moving until this list is done. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
992 I don't know about you, but I always feel my work is being influenced by some higher power. 1.3279 0.04574 122 84 36 2
993 No he's NOT putting words in my mouth. 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
994 Hi... I'm responding to your ad for Windows for Dummies lessons... 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
995 Could you mail this letter for me? I'd ask my friend, but I know exactly where his hand has been. 1.3279 0.05755 122 93 18 11
996 What part of 'you're being replaced by a dummy' don't you understand? 1.3279 0.04861 122 86 32 4
997 You thought his micromanaging was annoying before... 1.3279 0.04861 122 86 32 4
998 He needs more note pads and pens, and I need hemorrhoid cream. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
999 Leave the talking to me. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1000 I am here to give you my resume for Chancellor of Germany. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1001 You know, I didn't really want to let you go. It's the Big Man that's pulling the strings here--it's outta my hands, bud. 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
1002 Who's the dummy now? You're being audited. 1.3279 0.04999 122 87 30 5
1003 Listen to me, not the big guy! I'm the one pulling the strings. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1004 Can you check to see if this NDA I signed can be tossed? I want to write a book about all the lies that have come out of my mouth. 1.3267 0.06151 101 76 17 8
1005 If you don't like this, tell it to the hand. 1.3254 0.05143 126 92 27 7
1006 Oh great, now I have two dummies for a boss. 1.3252 0.05476 123 92 22 9
1007 Johnson, I need you to review the Fassbinder contract. Oh, and tell Stevens to put me down. 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1008 I guarantee that if you sign this, he will keep his mouth shut. 1.3252 0.05596 123 93 20 10
1009 Why would there be strings attached? 1.3252 0.05227 123 90 26 7
1010 I'm here to apply as Trump's spokeperson. 1.3252 0.05714 123 94 18 11
1011 It's your turn to take me to the board meeting 1.3252 0.05227 123 90 26 7
1012 So what's all this talk about "feeling micro-managed"? 1.3252 0.05476 123 92 22 9
1013 Mr. Gottfried is too cowardly to give you your pink slip, so he asked me to do it for him. 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1014 Says here only one of us can be dead wood. 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1015 Bill finally found a solution for his fear of confrontation. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1016 Well, this ain't Silicon Valley, so what kind of A.I. do you think you're going to get around here?? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1017 Yes, it is ironic that I, the firm's hatchetman, was once a log." 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1018 My emotional support dummy has found several glaring errors in your report. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1019 He’s too shy to say it... you’re fired. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1020 Can I please stay with you for a bit? Bob needs to use the rest room. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1021 Hey man, I'm just the messenger. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1022 This is a brief on behalf of Michael Cohen. 1.3250 0.05817 120 92 17 11
1023 My client will assert his 5th amendment right to remain silent. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1024 I'm being probed over this expense report. 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1025 Actually, he’s the micromanager. He hasn’t left my side since I started here. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1026 Don’t look so surprised! I told you both I was done playing the puppet around here. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1027 why can’t we file a joint return? 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1028 Here's another memo from the dummies that run this place. 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1029 The boss hates firing people, but I don't. 'You're fired!' 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1030 Hey, were you the dummy that put out this memo? 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1031 It should be obvious, I read the small print. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1032 I take offense to the joke about knowing when a lawyer is lying if his lips are moving. 1.3250 0.05696 120 91 19 10
1033 This is what we agreed on, so stop putting words in my mouth. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1034 Care to explain to my friend Bob here why you filed a complaint about a supposedly "passive aggressive" workplace? 1.3250 0.05817 120 92 17 11
1035 I'm the corporate attorney assigned to your confidential whistle blower consultation. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1036 ...and your lips better not move while you read it. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1037 Take it from me, study these downsizing options carefully. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1038 It says it right here: We all have to wear our jackets at work. That includes you, Simmons. 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1039 If my lips are moving you’re fired! 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1040 I hear that you have been known to kill the messenger. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1041 The big guy is really up my ass on this one 1.3250 0.05696 120 91 19 10
1042 Is this pink slip for me or the dummy? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1043 You never heard it from me. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1044 The perfect attorney. He will say anything I want him to say but I can deny everything he does. 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1045 Todd, this is important. Give it to little Todd as soon as he gets back. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1046 Frankly, I like you but Doug says you're fired. His words not mine. Don't kill the messenger. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1047 Look at this report and tell me who the real dummy is. 1.3250 0.04758 120 84 33 3
1048 Don't blame me, Greg, I'm just the messenger. 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1049 There's too much of your voice in this memo. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1050 Carl here doesn't have the guts to say it but, you're fired. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1051 Desmond, this memo speaks for itself. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1052 No dummy would read this! 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1053 Your report shows I'm not the only dummy in the room. 1.3220 0.05882 118 91 16 11
1054 You'll be my new assistant, old Peterson here is too handsy. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1055 I can also hand this to you while drinking a glass of water. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1056 Here are my emotional support puppet papers. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1057 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. 1.3220 0.05882 118 91 16 11
1058 I’m sorry, it’s out of my hands. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1059 Yeah, I’m his little bitch. 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1060 This a court order to remove the termites from the mens’ room. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1061 Turns out you're redundant. Who's the dummy now? 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1062 It's the latest must-read. Sinclair says I have to do it because Epshteyn's too wooden. Wait, he's standing behind me, isn't he? 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1063 I'm not throwing him under the bus, but I did most of this work alone. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1064 Jones, here’s a memo. We’re trying to address all the ass-grabbing around here. 1.3220 0.05757 118 90 18 10
1065 This. By midnight, Jensen. Or you'll find out where he puts his hand. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1066 I’m not cutting your pension, Bob. He is. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1067 I think it’s worth repeating what Gary just said.... 1.3220 0.04945 118 84 30 4
1068 The boss is up my rear end about this one 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1069 Let me guess... we're downsizing again? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1070 You feel belittled and demeaned? How do you think I feel? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1071 I thought that this was more humane that firing you by tweet. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1072 I'm not taking "No" for an answer! We've been through this before. Two against one, you lose! 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1073 Read my lips.......not his!! 1.3190 0.05948 116 90 15 11
1074 I want to know who called me 'a little Hitler.' 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1075 You're fired, Jones! Your boss tried to save your job, but I wouldn't listen to him! So it's all my fault. Your boss is a nice guy. You should only blame me... 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1076 Plausible Deniability 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1077 Consider it an arm's length dismissal. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1078 According to the fine print of the original partnership, any disagreements are to be resolved by a third party hand-picked by Mr. Smith. 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1079 It's a little request. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1080 Need a re-write, Frank, you know I can't do B,F and M sounds yet 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1081 Det. Hopkins, couldn’t shake that feeling that his partner was manipulating the captain. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1082 Its the non-disclosure agreement for my client who prefers to remain anonymous. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1083 You wrote this article like it's meant for dummies 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1084 I'm here to deliver a memo from Inhuman Resources. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1085 And here's the lunch order for the Muppets' visit. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1086 I'll remind you of a little thing called "plausible deniability." 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1087 Explain that again Rudy 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1088 You wanted to know if dummies wrote these instructions and I'm here to confirm that. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1089 Hey Johnson, I got a raise; who's the dummy now? 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1090 Trust me, you don't want to deal with his right-hand man. 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1091 As per H.R.’s recommendation, here is a list of terms I prefer to ‘Dummy’. But how about we just try Dave…Todd’s friend Dave. 1.3190 0.04989 116 83 29 4
1092 A good boss sits around with his thumb up his ass; a great one delegates. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1093 Would a dummy have a three-year employment contract? 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1094 Don't deny it, Jenkins -- I have a witness this time. 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1095 Seriously, stop sending in cartoon captions to the New Yorker. They stink! And, yes, I know his lips are moving 1.3190 0.06073 116 91 13 12
1096 My boss has really been up my ass about this. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1097 I reviewed your expense account. Do you think I'm a dummy? 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1098 You don't know me, but these are all the reasons why I think the brilliant guy behind me deserves a raise. 1.3190 0.04515 116 80 35 1
1099 Can you help me out. I can't read his writing. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1100 Here's your pink slip Stuart. So who's the dummy now? 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1101 Don't listen to him. Here's your REAL performance review.... 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1102 I'm the management consultant. He's the messenger you're not supposed to blame. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1103 Did you have a hand in this? 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1104 Can I borrow your copy of Office For Dummies? 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1105 You never heard this leak from me! 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1106 it’s important that you both stay tight lipped about this. 1.3162 0.05100 117 85 27 5
1107 Just do what the big man says. 1.3162 0.05516 117 88 21 8
1108 Yes Henderson, we are downsizing, and guess what 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1109 I'm not firing you, Hugo is firing you. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1110 Just remember, we never had this conversation. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1111 Your email indicates our company health insurance plan will not cover my termite treatments. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1112 I'm covered under his plan 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1113 How about changing the title to Management for Dummies? 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1114 I’m sorry, but we’ve all been affected by the recent downsizing. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1115 Here's the caption contest winner, Frank. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1116 Instead of E-mail, we will now be using vantrilograms. 1.3158 0.05886 114 88 16 10
1117 Any response to these demands? Asking for a friend . . . 1.3158 0.04714 114 80 32 2
1118 I'd like to file a complaint: this guy is making a dummy out of me. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1119 It's an invitation to our wedding. 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
1120 Who you calling a dummy? I’m not the one being fired. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1121 By creating a puppet version of himself and calling it Larry, Steve had ingeniously doubled his salary. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1122 My boss has really been up my ass about this. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1123 'The boss says you're fired.' 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1124 Here's the new data for my online dummy corporation. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1125 Doctor said it's double Laryngitis. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1126 The writing felt a little wooden. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1127 We've formalized our micromanagement policy. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1128 I want equal pay for equal work, 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1129 Your peer group’s evaluation is finished. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1130 Jenksins, you should have come to me directly if you didn't like my conflict resolution style. Now I have the boss up my ass. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
1131 It's mostly an effort to reduce managerial liabilty 1.3130 0.06097 115 91 12 12
1132 As Mr. Thompson’s sensitive, inner child, I am very offended by his performance review. 1.3130 0.04681 115 81 32 2
1133 It's your performance review. You need to learn to speak up for yourself. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1134 Here is a list of terms that I find offensive. You will see that “dummy” is #3 right behind “subordinate” and “right-hand man." 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1135 “Real cute memo Steve, but you misspelled ventriloquist”. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1136 You'll be pleased to hear that we collaborated on this report. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1137 Hey, don't shoot the messenger. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1138 He's been thinking we should let you go. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1139 I think the call was for you, but no matter how close I held the phone to my ear, I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1140 Little Louie here is my new right hand man. Remember, when you're talking to him you're talking to me. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1141 This is for you, but I’m not allowed to tell you where it came from. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1142 Human Resources says I can take him anywhere. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1143 The boss wants to know the reason for this contract with Michael Cohen. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1144 I hate to be the middle man here, Johnson 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1145 And stop looking at me like I’ve got two heads 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1146 I'm sorry Peterson, but it wasn't entirely my decision. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1147 Listen, Greg, there's going to be some downsizing... 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1148 You may well ask, 'who's the bigger dummy?' 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1149 Do you understand the irony of me finding your mistake? 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1150 We're downsizing, shrinking costs, and minimizing all positions. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1151 You didn't hear it from me but we've started downsizing. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1152 He'd like to claim me as his dependent. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1153 Au contraire. Hand lotion is a legitimate corporate expense. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1154 I'm sorry, but this was my decision and my decision alone. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1155 I’d like to file a restraining order. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1156 Just a note from one dummy to another. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1157 These figures speak for themselves. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1158 Do you think this is fun for me? 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1159 Stop putting words in my mouth. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1160 I was hired to read the fine print. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1161 You think it’s hard to talk like this - try writing cursive! 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1162 You're not supposed to kill the messenger but this is just insurance in case you wanted to. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1163 Read the fine print. We're downsizing. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1164 What's wrong with using Charlie McCarthy as a reference? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1165 If you ever get subpoenaed, just remember who gave you this memo. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1166 Mr. Schneider promised that HE wouldn't fire you. He never said that I, Mr. Twinkles, wouldn't fire you. You have five minutes to clear out. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1167 He doesn’t have the nerve to fire you but I do! 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1168 Found this in the break room: ’Refrigerator Etiquette for Dummies’. That supposed to be funny? 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1169 Please post this job. He's retiring but I can't afford to! 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1170 You're fired! Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1171 Mr. Schwartz, whom I am representing today, would like to apologize for what you perceived as creeepiness last week and to assure you that it will never happen again. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1172 He’d like to ask you for a raise. In exchange, he promises to work on his assertiveness. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1173 Would Bob be considered 'operations' on my expense report? 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1174 Here,I dummied this up for you. 1.3119 0.04824 109 77 30 2
1175 Your book on Creative Writing for Dummies was manipulative and wooden. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1176 I didn't think this i is what you ment by "downsizing". 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1177 You're fired.You may kill the messager. 1.3119 0.05785 109 83 18 8
1178 I wish I had better news for you in trying out my new act but, yeah, you're fired. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1179 Say hello to my little friend! 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1180 Based on this report, I think we all know who the dummy is, Silverstein. 1.3119 0.05785 109 83 18 8
1181 The source is tight-lipped but I can vouch for his grip on the matter. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1182 I speak for the trees. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1183 I'm the dummy from human resources you were mocking online. Read my lips. You're fired 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1184 Of course you have my word on it. 1.3113 0.05586 106 79 21 6
1185 Looks like we've both been downsized! 1.3103 0.05254 116 86 24 6
1186 I never said Sean Hannity was my client. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1187 Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. 1.3097 0.06039 113 89 13 11
1188 They've been carrying me for years. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1189 I don’t think that’s what the McKinsey guys meant when they said we should downsize the secretarial staff. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1190 Have you heard? We're being downsized 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
1191 I should've asked more questions when he said I'd be working for his dummy corporation. 1.3091 0.05285 110 81 24 5
1192 He didn't know what he was doing. I was the dummy who overused the expense account. 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1193 There was no manipulation. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1194 We have received your complaint about management having a hand in HR matters and plan to look into it. 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1195 Frank, he couldn't bear to tell you this himself, but we're downsizing... 1.3091 0.05285 110 81 24 5
1196 Another stupid memo from the talking heads at corporate. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1197 Can you believe this?! Prohibiting ventriloquism in the office. We can't let this go without a fight. Right, Dave? 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1198 Meet Steve he's our new micromanager. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1199 Mini Me-Too complaint. 1.3091 0.05883 110 85 16 9
1200 This speech sucks! Change it to: No puppet, no puppet, you’re the puppet. 1.3091 0.05883 110 85 16 9
1201 My inner voice says, "You're Fired". 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1202 Read this,then let's compare notes on who's the real dummy 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1203 It should come as no surprise that I'll be representing myself in these proceedings. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1204 You're fired! Ha! Now who's the dummy? 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1205 I'm here to submit the minority report. 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1206 Read this on your next broadcast: 'The president is no dummy!' 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1207 From now on Bob here will carry me and you will do all of my social media. Be sure you make me sound tall. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1208 Why are you looking at him? I’m the one who said you’re fired. 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1209 Of course he's the one who is really firing you, you idiot! 1.3084 0.05698 107 81 19 7
1210 I hate to do this, Jim, but corporate is really up my ass. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1211 Are you going to sign up for the office talent show? 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1212 Yeah, I just landed the Synergen contract. Who's a dummy now, Ferrell? 1.3084 0.06145 107 84 13 10
1213 Another note from your secret admirer. You still haven't guessed who he is? 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1214 Circulating a joke calling me a "woodpecker" is not only vulgar, it's insulting to my entire family on a deeply personal level. 1.3084 0.06145 107 84 13 10
1215 And this is my letter of recommendation for his promotion. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1216 Pay no attention to the man with his hand up my pants. 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1217 If you had someone's hand up your @ss, you'd be cranky, too. Now, quit your whining and fix this memo! 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
1218 Can you understand this-dummy to dummy? 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1219 Bad news Larry, we're cutting the size of our workforce by seventy-five percent. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1220 Firing people is such a messy business. I'd rather not deal with it. So my subordinate, Mr. Puppet is giving you your pink slip. You can argue with him if you like. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1221 This isn't coming from me, but we need you here on Saturday. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1222 Even I didn't understand your report. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1223 This is your severence package from those puppets in HR. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1224 Sorry, Jim. I wish it were up to me, but this is being handed down from above. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1225 I'm doing the White House Correspondents' Dinner next year. I need good jokes, not this crap. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1226 I'd like to start a dummy corp. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1227 We need a version of this without all the Bs, Fs, and Ms. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1228 Go ahead, kill the messenger. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1229 Please revise this by 3pm, I have an appointment with my proctologist. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1230 Hi. I'm Bruce, I'm the new micro-manager. 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1231 See? A love letter from your wife. We're running away together. Now who's the dummy? 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1232 Come back to work Monday with your own dummy, so we can have a dialog. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1233 Just pretend we're talking until the boss leaves. 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1234 Candy gram for Mongo! Haha just kidding, you're fired. 1.3056 0.05950 108 84 15 9
1235 Bob, could you be a doll and review this week's ventriloquiz questions? 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1236 HR spinelessness reached a new low on Friday. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1237 Come on--don't give me the "I can't believe this!" look. Didn't HR tell you during the final interview that your boss was a dummy? 1.3056 0.05002 108 78 27 3
1238 This formal HR complaint outlines all the times my co-workers called me ‘dummy’. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1239 Your work sucks! And that's me talking, not the guy behind me moving his lips. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1240 Here, the note speaks for itself. 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1241 Equal Pay for Dummies! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1242 What do you mean "my prose is too wooden"? 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1243 I'm going to sue for sexual harassment if he doesn't get his hand off my butt ! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1244 Apparently, it seemed appropriate for me to deliver the orders to, “fire that dummy in accounting”! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1245 I had to pull some strings to get you this report, Travis. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1246 My monthly figures are fantastic - who’s the dummy NOW? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1247 I’m protesting this evaluation—I do NOT have Little Man’s Syndrome. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1248 Hey Gill, I found this pink slip with your name on it on the men’s room floor. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1249 Don’t look at me that way when I’m talking to you. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1250 Got the memo and wonder how you'd feel if I called you a "dummy?" 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1251 You're the next one to be downsized. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1252 This is a list of all of your work habits that annoy me. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1253 Sorry Larry, we’re downsizing. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1254 I'm sorry, but we're downsizing. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1255 They downsized me, can you believe it? 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1256 If this project is late, you can guess where his other arm will be going! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1257 HR’s idea. You wanna hear the bad news from me or the CEO? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1258 You're being a real pain in the ass Frank. 1.3048 0.06220 105 83 12 10
1259 We found your prose to be a bit wooden. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1260 We find that this is more secure than email 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1261 I'd like to submit a formal complaint for inappropriate touching. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1262 No, it's not me that's firing you, it's him. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1263 Read his lips, we're downsizing. 1.3048 0.05086 105 76 26 3
1264 Could you rewrite this in a different voice? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1265 Now my colleague here is going to drink a tall glass of water while I proceed to break all kinds of HR policies. 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1266 I'm President. Trump's new lawyer, here is the latest press release. 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1267 Asking for a friend. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1268 He doesn't like confrontation, so he asked me to tell you that you're fired. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1269 Rudy said to tell you this constitutes "plausible denial." 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1270 Be assured that I speak for both of us when I tell you that your "Gardening for Dummies" idea for a weekly column has been rejected. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1271 For the record, I didn't want to fire you - it was his idea. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1272 Here. Computer Tips from Dummies. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1273 Feel free to kill the messenger. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1274 What do you mean I'm just a puppet for the corporation? 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1275 Here's my official request for Roger to warm his hands up in the morning. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1276 Read this. I'm sick of this guy putting words in mouth. 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1277 Read my lips: this bill is outrageous. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1278 Hey, don't look at me I'm just the middle-man. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1279 We're in the Charley McCarthy era now. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1280 Sorry for the short notice, but your department is being downsized. I’m your replacement! 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1281 Could you check my resume? I am thinking of going out on my own. 1.3019 0.04865 106 76 28 2
1282 The decision to fire you was entirely mine and mine alone. 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1283 Can you tell me if this memo comes off as wooden? 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1284 Always read the small print. 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1285 I don’t think this is what the board meant when they said there would be downsizing 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1286 I told you it was a dummy corporation. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1287 I need this report done for the dummy upstairs 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1288 You're fired Mr. 'that thing really gives me the creeps and I hope we're not secretly being taped'. 1.3019 0.05869 106 82 16 8
1289 H.R. sent me to say, "Now who's the dummy?' 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1290 Maybe next time you'll think twice about calling your boss a dummy. 1.3019 0.05046 106 77 26 3
1291 Here's a short memo from the big guy. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1292 This company has no place for dummies like you, Johnson! 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1293 "I forgot how to talk directly to a person". 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1294 Read my lips, Henderson, no new faxes. 1.3010 0.06145 103 81 13 9
1295 Just sign it. You will only carry me on Tuesdays. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1296 Even a dummy could write a better page than this! 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1297 No. I don't think there's anything funny about layoffs, Jim... I just told you this wasn't my decision – it comes from higher up. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1298 I wanted to give this to you in person. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1299 The rumors were going around about downsizing, but you never think it will happen to you. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1300 I’ve got to hand it to you, this e-mail really took the words right out of my mouth. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1301 As discussed at the last department meeting, corporate now requires that reviews be delivered by a neutral third party. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1302 Just trust me--there's no one secretly pulling the strings here. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1303 This guy is making me say,"You're Fired". 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1304 I notice you have us sharing a hotel room on this conference itinerary. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1305 The boss has been getting more tight-fisted about expenses each quarter 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1306 According to this report, you’re the dummy, not me. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1307 “I’d like to report a case of identity theft”.... 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1308 You missed the Not From My Lips seminar. Fact Juggling tomorrow. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1309 I'm his alibi and here's my statement. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1310 Care to sign the big fellas' birthday card, Thompson? 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1311 If you send me one more note, I’m going to scream without moving my lips. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1312 He's touching me without my consent." 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1313 It takes one to know one. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1314 Let's go over this piece I copied from Management Skills For Dummies 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1315 I'm just the messenger, don't shoot me, 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1316 Can you get this done by noon? Asking for a friend. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1317 I'm applying for the woodworking job. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1318 Use of a third party can be an effective way of delivering bad news. 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1319 You're fine with me, but my buddy has some bad news. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1320 The job offer came down to you and him, we picked the dummy. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1321 I'm sorry, but we're downsizing. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1322 I’m sorry, but I’m not the one pulling the strings around here. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1323 This guy is harassing me. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1324 Jim, weeth hired a new sklokesklerson. Could you rewrite this skleech ooeethout using any th's, enn's, klee's, koo's, th's, or ooh's? 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1325 I realize this raise is slighylty less than you expexted, but I wanted to present it to you personally. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1326 They’re downsizing again. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1327 He says, "You're fired." 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1328 He thought you might take it better if you heard it from me. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1329 It’s the #MeToo thing. He’s got to have something else to do with his hands. 1.3010 0.06145 103 81 13 9
1330 We may have to pull a few strings this quarter. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1331 The trick is, you have to try to throw your invoice. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1332 A source very close to your boss says you're fired. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1333 His doctor says he lost his voice. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1334 He would've told you in person, but he hasn't been himself lately. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1335 If my lips are moving, I’m telling the truth. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1336 Frank wanted to keep you on, but I am concerned about your ability to think for yourself. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1337 I call him Mini Middle Management Me. 1.3000 0.04820 100 71 28 1
1338 My mouthpiece stands behind me on the issue. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
1339 Jim, I don’t think this is what they meant when they said Dummy Corporation. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1340 I'm sick and tired of being the mouthpiece for this company. You treat me just like a dummy. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1341 It's a Mini-Memo. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1342 This really is my birth certificate. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1343 Like the memo says, we’re all being downsized. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1344 We have your contract. It requires you keep your mouth shut. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1345 No dummy, you're fired! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1346 I'm trying to read it but do you know where his thumb is! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1347 You've become redundant... 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1348 Don’t put words in my mouth! 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1349 This isn’t coming from me, but you need to re-do this. 1.2981 0.05091 104 76 25 3
1350 This is the weirdest result of “take your kids to work day” I’ve seen in the past couple of years 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1351 Hey Paul. Unfortunately, we're letting you go...I thought this bit would make it easier 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1352 I’m no Michelle Wolf but I’ll give it to you straight: You’re subpoenaed! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1353 You're fired! So who's the dummy now? 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1354 Welcome to the office. I am a Service Dummy for leaders with small hands. Sign this memo to adopt me now. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1355 I told you we're downsizing. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1356 Jokes? You call these jokes? We can’t go on stage with this garbage!! 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1357 Once you sign this contract, you'll be a puppet, too. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1358 Yeah...well this script stinks and you can't make him make me say these lines! 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1359 My colleague here thinks your report is a little wooden. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1360 We were told to be more creative in our delivery so, you have been served 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1361 Why can't you just talk to me about this? 1.2970 0.04781 101 72 28 1
1362 Do you expect me to read this? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1363 That's MISTER Strawboss to you. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1364 Just remember I’m not the one firing you. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1365 It's as if a dummy wrote this! 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1366 Some strings may need to be pulled. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1367 You don't work here anymore, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1368 I'm here to look into the dummy accounts. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1369 just take the paper, ignore the guy with his hand up my butt 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1370 We’re working on our delegating. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1371 Here's a list of my trigger words. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1372 Sorry Bob, my hands are tied 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1373 Read my lips, dummy! 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1374 No healthcare, no retirement, no paternal leave? You must think I’m a real dummy. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1375 Today, I’m gonna teach you how to be a corporate puppet. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1376 You left your resume on the copier. And they say I’m a dummy. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1377 This is funny. We don’t pay you for funny. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1378 Which one of us are you firing exactly? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1379 Sorry for the quick turnaround but the boss is really up my butt about it. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1380 Requisition for a urinal I can reach. Alone. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1381 And I need you to redo—hey, buddy, my eyes are down here. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1382 Sorry, you're being downsized .... 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1383 We're doing a collection for Paul's dummy down in Accounting. Dry rot. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1384 Sorry it has to be like this, but we feel Barbie can fill your position quite nicely... 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1385 It says, 'Help me, this maniac has his hand up my ass!' 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1386 You did not receive this from me. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1387 I'm only the messenger. He wrote it. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1388 You the HR Manager? OK, here's my complaint. This guy won't get his hand off my butt! 1.2970 0.06221 101 80 12 9
1389 Management's under a gag order, but I can tell you, "You're fired." 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1390 I speak for both of us when I say that your "Puppet States during World War II" article is offensively titled. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1391 Rewrite this speech without using the letters M, B, and P. 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1392 I'm proud to say I've got a hand in this project. 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1393 The board's new strategic plan is to downsize. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1394 Read my lips, this is the memo. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1395 Rudi, be polite to the nice man from the Special Counsel's office 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1396 Unfortunately we're downsizing. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1397 When I asked you to set up a dummy corporation this is NOT what I meant. 1.2970 0.06221 101 80 12 9
1398 Just saying 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1399 There was no easier way to say this. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1400 Believe me, I’m just the messenger. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1401 Would you consider supporting us in the #metwo movement? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1402 I'm here for the interview. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1403 These are the invoices for the dummy corporation. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1404 The dummy wants this done yesterday, 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1405 Sorry, but management is up my ass. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1406 Rogers, what's this jab about clearing out the dead wood around here? 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1407 No, you're redundant! 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1408 Sorry, we’re downsizing. 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1409 I'm forming a "Me Too Movement" for dummies. This guy won't keep his hands off me. 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1410 As it turns out,I’m not the only dummy in the room. 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1411 Due to downsizing, we're going to have to let you go. 1.2952 0.05730 105 81 17 7
1412 You'll see it clearly stated our "Bring Your Child To Work Day" is a very liberal policy. 1.2952 0.05730 105 81 17 7
1413 You're not the first man who expects a hand up to get ahead. 1.2941 0.06167 102 81 12 9
1414 They always leave the dirty work to the little man. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1415 Here's the long and the short of it. 1.2941 0.06474 102 83 8 11
1416 What happens to me if he signs this separation gag order. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1417 Don’t listen to him, read my lips. 1.2941 0.05136 102 75 24 3
1418 I decided to be humane and not fire you by Twitter. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
1419 It's called 'Management for Dummies'. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
1420 For your information, I'm not talking out of my ass. 1.2941 0.06167 102 81 12 9
1421 This new HR sensitivity initiative aims to educate people on why "ventriloquial figure" should be used in lieu of "dummy" 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1422 No, you're the puppet. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1423 With Johnson away on vacation next week, I'm going to need you to lend a hand in the communications department... 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1424 Excellent memo Bob. Some day you may work your hand up my ass. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
1425 The other dummy in the big office wants you to do this. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1426 My job, unlike yours, has no strings attached 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1427 It’s a White House leak. If you take it from the dummy it won’t connect to me 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1428 Ralph has decided to give you this letter of termination 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1429 Corporate really forced my hand! 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1430 Here's the latest....hey, I never noticed how small your hands are, Johnson! Are you some kind of freak? 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1431 Look, I've written you up for calling your boss 'a dummy.' 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1432 Here’s some fake news that’s straight from a dumbie. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1433 Sorry ... if we had a Dummy Resources Department, I wouldn't have to bother you with this. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1434 We prefer the word "downsizing." 1.2929 0.05026 99 72 25 2
1435 Award? It's a pink slip, you dummy! 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1436 HR recommends all employee/management interactions go through a middle man to reduce liability. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1437 Try doing my job with an arm up your ass. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1438 Request for raise denied! And don’t ever go behind my back again! 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1439 Here's the approval for your vacation time. You can't imagine the strings I had to pull. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1440 Donald has hired me to replace John Kelly. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1441 You're the one with pupils, read this. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1442 I was worried when the rumors of downsizing started to spread, but this isn’t so bad 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1443 This isn't what I asked for. Do I look like a dummy? 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1444 Boss won't get off your back, either, huh? 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1445 Sorry, Simmons, this office isn't big enough for two dummies. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1446 Just look at this! What kind of dummy do you take me for? 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1447 From one dummy to another - you're fired! 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1448 My notification of inappropriate touching. 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
1449 He's pleading the fifth. I'm not. Here's my plea deal. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1450 H.R. said I should try to connect to my staff through humor, so Lil Bossy will be giving you your pink slip instead. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1451 Do it yourself, Johnson, I'm not your puppet. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1452 From one dummy to another - you're fired! 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
1453 I'm replacing you! 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1454 You have the right to remain silent. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1455 yes it's in shorthand...so what? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1456 Don't hit me, I'm just the messenger! 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1457 You're fired effective immediately. The big guy's got my back on this one. 1.2929 0.06134 99 78 13 8
1458 Don does not accept this negative people skills evaluation. Good day. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1459 Don’t be mad at me, this came straight from the big man. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1460 You're fired! So who's the dummy now? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1461 It's not really a pink slip and I'm not really a person, but you're fired anyway. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1462 It's from a place called Essential Consultants. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1463 Here is our resume, he doesn't talk much, but he's affable. I'm the genius with the ideas. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1464 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. I think the reasons are obvious, but I completed the paperwork anyway. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1465 This guy behind me doesn't have the balls to give you this. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1466 It's a new strategic initiative. Everyone must downsize. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1467 As a part of 'Me Too' I want to report my co-worker who refuses to stop sticking his hand up my butt! 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1468 Bend over, you’re next. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1469 Larry often fell into bad habits when forced to deliver bad news. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1470 I feel like you're putting words in my mouth. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1471 You guessed it: you've been downsized. 1.2917 0.05524 96 72 20 4
1472 We think this is a dumb idea! 1.2913 0.04904 103 75 26 2
1473 The boss's list of rules here says you shouldn't speak until spoken through. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
1474 Memo is not finished because I have something up my butt. 1.2913 0.06113 103 82 12 9
1475 He's been carrying me for years. 1.2913 0.05094 103 76 24 3
1476 Well, I told corporate we could use a hand. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
1477 Stop channeling others! Find your own voice! 1.2900 0.04984 100 73 25 2
1478 Honestly Bob if you’re late with these charts one more time he’s going to have his hand up yours. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1479 Do you take me for a dummy? 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
1480 It says that, in order to get the payments, you need to set up a dummy corporation. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1481 Looks like you're on the downsizing list too. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1482 Don't ezen try to read za snall trint. 1.2900 0.06403 100 81 9 10
1483 Bad news, Johnson -- you're fired. HR thought it would be better if you heard it from me. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
1484 We’re all puppets here Johnson, Don’t blame us for this decision.... 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
1485 Read my lips, no more faxes. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1486 Pay no attention to the guy with his hand up my butt. Per this directive from HR, you are to henceforth refer to me as "Ventriloquist Assistant," as "dummy" has been deemed"demeaning" and "insensitive." 1.2887 0.06211 97 77 12 8
1487 Don't worry, whatever I told you to do is protected by attorney-client privilege. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1488 You gotta problem with the short list ??? 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1489 Management For Dummies says you get a pay cut. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1490 This next round of downsizing is going to happen a little differently. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1491 Don't mind him! He's only the Voice-President. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1492 I need you to approve this expense report for a mini suit and wood polish. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1493 Heath Services Memo: Time for your colonoscopy. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1494 Sorry, Anders. We're downsizing. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1495 I highly recommend "Accounting for Dummies." 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1496 E need your redort in tull dy da end of da day. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1497 This is everything you need, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1498 Here is your copy of management’s new policy on passive aggressive workplace behavior. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1499 The boss hates confrontations. You're fired. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1500 When I say I want ads that even a dummy can understand that is EXACTLY what I mean! 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1501 Another corporate mandate we must pay lip service to. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1502 I do performance reviews like this so you don't feel like the only dummy at the office 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1503 I’m not trying to micromanage you but... 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1504 I'm his middle manager. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1505 Corporate’s metaphors are getting pretty honest. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1506 Trust me, you don’t want him up your ass about this. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1507 Here, my concerns about downsizing! 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1508 Write me some better jokes. This sucks. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1509 Which one of us do you hope the resignation letter is from? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1510 Oh, and the board would like to see all of this done while you’re drinking a glass of water. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1511 He's got laryngitis. It's all in the note. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1512 ..."you still owe us for the thin mints..." 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1513 Hand me that water and I'll read this pink slip in a funny voice. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1514 You must think I’m a real dummy to not know this is the same memo you wrote last week. 1.2887 0.06211 97 77 12 8
1515 Do this over and take out the part where I drink the glass of water. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1516 Here's a pink slip for you. I had nothing to do with it. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1517 Looks like the two of us will be working together this weekend. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1518 Hello. Please get this guys hand out of my ass. Thank you. 1.2887 0.06211 97 77 12 8
1519 You're fired! And no he's not putting words into my mouth. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1520 Distribute this. It’s a reminder about who really pulls the strings around here. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1521 You wrote this and you’re calling me a dummy?! 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1522 The boss wants you to have the weekend off, but I say you have to work. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1523 Edwards! Type this while he finishes my proctology exam! 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1524 You're sharp, Smedley. How would you like to have your hand up my tuckus one day? 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1525 The man with his hand up my back bears absolutely no responsibility for this bad news. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1526 This isn’t easy for me either. Jones has his hand up my rear. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1527 No, I just look like him, you idiot! 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1528 Yeah, the difference is you have your hand on a mouse. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1529 As you see, Mr. Carsen is not handing this letter to you, I am. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1530 He signs all my tax returns and I get to deduct him. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1531 Here are the results of your psych exam 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1532 Here's proof there was collusion in the election and you don't need a dummy to explain it to you. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1533 No, you're the puppet. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1534 I promise – go ahead, sign this – no strings attached. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1535 Take it from one puppet to another...this is serious. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1536 Can I ask you a weird question? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1537 It's a new form of micromanagement 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1538 Here you go big guy. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1539 It's a subpoena. Unlike him, you have the right to remain silent. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1540 Ventriloquism is just one of the many hobbies you’ll have time for now. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1541 Don’t take me for a dummy, Carlton. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1542 "I've just been diagnosed with laryngitis. Here's my Dr's note". 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1543 Speaking for myself, your memos could be shorter. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1544 I need a hand. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1545 "Ventriloquism for Dummies"? It'll never sell. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1546 You did say loose lips sink ships 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1547 We all know who the real puppet is around here, Gary. 1.2871 0.05859 101 79 15 7
1548 Is this the proper form for a Dummy Corporation? 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
1549 Hawkins! Process this requisition for a new ventriloquist. This one's a real dummy. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1550 You're officially on short notice. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1551 You might be pleasantly surprised by what our new behavioral health plan covers. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1552 I was told the tax break applied to small business men as well. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
1553 This speaks for itself. 1.2857 0.06154 98 78 12 8
1554 Did you get the memo that we've been downsized? 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1555 Johnson, did you write this email making fun of little people? 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
1556 Read my lips: no more going behind my back! 1.2857 0.06154 98 78 12 8
1557 I'd like to file sexual assault charges on this man. 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
1558 I don't want that idiot Jenkins handling this. Or me. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1559 Who's my source? I'll never tell. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1560 This wuss behind me is too shy to fire you, but I'm not. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1561 Can you look over this spreadsheet for me? I can't trust those dummies in accounting. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1562 My supervisor is telling me to tell you that this memo tells you to be more direct with your employees. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1563 I'm the one soley responsible for letting you go, however, Mr Snipes accompanied me to wish you well 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1564 Your boss wanted me to tell you that you're fired. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1565 There. I paid all $130,000 myself! 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1566 In simple Latin, I'm a homunculus and this is a subpoena! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1567 No, Chris, using your ventriloquist dummy to tell me my mother has passed did not make it "way funnier"... 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1568 The man behind me is just carrying me -- I am the one pulling the strings. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1569 Speaking for myself, I think Putin's lips move every time Trump say something. 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
1570 It's official, the downsizing has begun. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1571 This shows I consent to what would otherwise be highly inappropriate personal contact in the workplace. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1572 I'm sorry, but you just don't fit in here. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1573 I would like to file an HR complaint. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1574 You can call it double time if you want, but the contract clearly states that you pay me AND my handler. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1575 Here's a list of his non-negotiable demands. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1576 Yes he did it and it's not illegal. Believe you me, I'm his attorney and I'm no dummy." 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1577 I'd like to file a sexual assault complaint. 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
1578 I need you to reverse a bunch of duplicate charges 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1579 These are my demands for a raise, he's got a sore throat. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1580 I think I speak for both of us when I say your performance is lacking. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1581 Hey, eyes up here buddy. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1582 It's a combination of downsizing and outsourcing. We're calling it down-sourcing. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1583 Excuse me, but I'm not a dummy. I'm a talking head. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1584 Sorry, but I'm just the messenger. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1585 Somebody pulled some strings to get you this report. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1586 You're fired! And I take full responsibility! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1587 You didn't hear this from me, but Big Frank thinks the tone in the latest draft of your memo is a little passive aggressive. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1588 Since I signed a nondisclosure agreement he gets away with it. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1589 Do what he says or he'll get into your butt too. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1590 These leads were hard to come by. If you don’t use them wisely it’ll be my hand up your ass. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1591 The evolution of the micromanager. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1592 Hey. It's all here in the memo, dummy. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1593 For your information, Accounting thought Micromanager was a hit. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1594 There's just no room in this company for two dummies, Braunstein. You're fired! 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1595 So, which dummy should I answer to? 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1596 Bill, could you file this dummy invoice for me? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1597 Show us on the doll where you signed the non-disclosure agreement. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1598 Here's my brochure. I hope I can count on your vote in November. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1599 Big changes are coming -- but you didn't hear it from me. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1600 Talk to the hand because your boss's face isn't listening. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1601 Bill is too nice to tell you, but you should be ashamed to have written this. 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
1602 Read my lips: You're fired. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1603 So what if I did read Management for Dummies? 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1604 I’m going to need you to shorten this. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1605 Be a doll and put up this week's roster. No strings attached. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1606 You can't advance further without improving your direct communication skills. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1607 It's an outline for my new book "Insults and Bullying For Dummies" 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1608 This job is a handful. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1609 This memo explains the new downsizing policies. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1610 Speak for yourself. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1611 And now Mr. Handsworth has some bad news to share from management. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1612 Here is a list of my sexual harassment charges against this man ...his hand placement says it all 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1613 You're being downsized. Clean out your cubicle, leave the phone books. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1614 It's not from me, it's from the big dummy! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1615 You said I was a micro-manager? I'll show you a micro-manager. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1616 If you keep doing work like this, you might be the one pulling the strings around here. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1617 Here's the proof you've been seeking however I am not at liberty to divulge my source. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1618 He wanted to tell you himself, but he's having trouble enunciating words like 'transformative.' 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1619 Pack up! You're out and I'm in as Puppet Relations Director. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1620 I don’t care if his hand is up my ass. I’m still your boss! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1621 Say hello to my little friend who fires people. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1622 I am not keen on the term "downsizing" - so, you're fired. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1623 I get time and a half 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1624 I keep filing complaints, but HR won’t do anything about this guy with his hand up my butt. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1625 It's about your hands, Ted. They're too small. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1626 This should silence my critics! I've listed ten reasons why I can NOT be manipulated! 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1627 I see youve been playing with the copy machine again Jerry 1.2842 0.04887 95 69 25 1
1628 Here's my list of complaints. The first: I want his hands off my butt! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1629 His therapist says he's conflict-averse. Anyway, you're fired. 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1630 I know it’s a redundancy where you come from, but here we call it a downsizing. 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1631 I'm Senator Charlie McCarthy. You're on my list of Communist sympathizers! 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1632 Wilson, don't you realize that "Ventriloquist Dummy" is an offensive slur? 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1633 I see you're looking for a couple of handy men. 1.2812 0.06231 96 77 11 8
1634 I was told that I could pick up my back order of 'Ventriloquism For Dummies' here 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1635 My complaints go without saying. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1636 Who’s the puppet now, huh? 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1637 In your editorial, you have called the President "a DUMMY??!" You do realize you have put me in a rather awkward position?? 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1638 Smithers, one more email complaining of having a dummy for a boss and I’ll be forced to have Jenkins here drink a glass of water while I reprimand you. 1.2812 0.06052 96 76 13 7
1639 I’m sorry, you’ll have to talk to the big guy about this 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1640 Big picture, downsizing the office will be a good thing for everybody. 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1641 Stevens here wants you to take this to the big man upstairs. 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1642 This is the last time I'm putting words in your mouth. Next time, write your own stuff, dummy! 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1643 He's part of our new downsizing program. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1644 Your performance, like his hand, have been a real pain in my ass! 1.2796 0.06371 93 75 10 8
1645 We're from HR. Is this your comment that management doesn't deal directly with their employees? 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1646 That's not what I meant by downsizing 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1647 Does the new health plan cover Multiple Personality Disorder? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
1648 Howdy Doody, Mr. Bill. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1649 Can you make a copy for him? 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1650 People kept saying I'm lying when my lips are moving, so... 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1651 Here’s a little reminder not to refer to your supervisor as a “micro-manager.” 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1652 Today's fake news, sir 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1653 He wants me to tell you you're fired. 1.2796 0.04922 93 68 24 1
1654 Here's more fake news you never got from Bob. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1655 Cmon, Jim. Even dummies get it. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
1656 I’m going to need that report by Wednesday Kevin, corporate is really up my ass on this one. 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
1657 I will give you this deed to my house if you get this guy's hand out of my ass! 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
1658 Write this as if you're talking to dummies. 1.2766 0.06126 94 75 12 7
1659 Go ahead, shoot the messenger. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
1660 Short on staff again? 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1661 Sorry, never heard of Pinocchio. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1662 Admit this is your memo to corporate calling me a dummy . 1.2747 0.06264 91 73 11 7
1663 He says you're a real jerk. Hey, don't shoot the messenger! 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1664 I just received this order for a new book titled "Ventriloquism For Dummies" 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1665 Have you signed my -- Eric's birthday card yet 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1666 From now on your puppet reports to me. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1667 This is a list of questions I am willing to answer at tonight's Town Hall meeting. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1668 Who’s the dummy now Jared? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1669 Welcome to the new downsizing program. Please sign here. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1670 Are you the dummy that put this on my desk? 1.2747 0.06264 91 73 11 7
1671 Under 'occupation' I put down "Dummy". Is that OK with you, knucklehead? 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1672 Your recent comment about "dummies" was not well received -- clean out your desk. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1673 You must think I'm a dummy. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1674 Now we give you a choice on how to be down-sized. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1675 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1676 Unlike your boss, I don't have conflict avoidance issues, so he told me to give you this pink slip and tell you your fired! 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1677 For 5 bucks you too can have a hand up my ass! 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1678 The last person Dave expected to see that morning was "Mr Downsize" the HR dummy. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1679 I'm eminently qualified and I'll bring my talented assistant at no extra cost. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1680 Please sign my petition to get this guy's hand out of my butt. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1681 Read my lips--you're pink-slipped! 1.2747 0.06456 91 74 9 8
1682 HR sent us. Me and the big guy are interested in the 'job sharing' option. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1683 Sorry Dave, but the dummy behind me wanted me to give you this pink slip. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1684 That's right, Farnsworth, from now on, you report directly to me! 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1685 You can just call me Sinclair. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1686 Polish this memo up. It reads like it was written by a dummy. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1687 It's my emotional-support me. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1688 This is my service dummy registration 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1689 We'd like to disclose an office romance. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1690 Are you the dummy who denied my time-off request? 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1691 There was this tree in Brooklyn. It is from its trunk, that I am born. This sheet of paper, from the leaves. I am your replacement. Call it the cycle of life. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1692 I'm no dummy; I know you wrote this note. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1693 ... but the HR department still won't take my complaint about inappropriate touching seriously. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1694 Asking for a friend. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1695 You don't have to be a dummy to understand this report. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1696 This isn't what I meant when I told you we had to downsize.. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1697 Right here in 'Computers for Dummies,' first page, stupid! 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1698 I created that dummy invoice you asked for 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1699 He told me to tell you you're fired. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1700 Yes, I’m filing a harassment claim. This man won’t take his hands off me! 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1701 Thank you for meeting me. It's always been a dream of mine to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1702 Who are you calling a stiff? 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1703 You should have seen this coming, Ricky, after missing half of Nick's puppet shows. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1704 Looks like me -talks like me-must be me --here's the affidavit 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
1705 Don’t think of them as demands, more like suggestions. Like #1 here - “Hand should be placed elsewhere.” 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
1706 You're being terminated, and he's not comfortable telling you himself. 1.2737 0.06068 95 76 12 7
1707 If you think this is impressive, you should see me fire people while he drinks water! 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1708 Please display this memo on new office policy adding the prohibition of discrimination against employees based on their aboreal origination. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1709 This is a cease and desist letter demanding that you stop infringing my copyright in "Computers for Dummies." 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1710 Don't blame me, I'm just the little dummy delivering the message. 1.2717 0.04913 92 68 23 1
1711 I don't have a hand up my ass, you do! 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1712 Look who's talking, tiny hands. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1713 The company's non-discrimination policy clearly states that you can not discriminate based on the color of my wood stain. 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1714 He deserves a promotion! Here are the reasons why listed by me. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1715 You say you're his mouthpiece? 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1716 Where's your self-esteem, following orders from a dummy like me. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1717 It's a request for hand warmers. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1718 I understand you need at least two requests to post a notice. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1719 This is what I wrote. Don't try to put words in my mouth. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1720 I've forgotten more about dummy corporations in my wooden noggin than you'll ever know, tough guy. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1721 Management is requesting a more hands-in approach to communications. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1722 Eugene, I need you to send this memo about our break room fridge policy to.....damn it, Doug, you really have cold hands. Just put me down. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1723 Hey! I'm no dummy...I brought my lawyer with me to make the necessary changes to our NDA. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1724 Who’s the dummy now? 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1725 Paul we are letting you go, we are downsizing 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1726 Here’s your pink slip. Who’s the dummy now? 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1727 The big dummy behind me says to process this mutha****r! 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1728 Again, since you obviously didn't get the memo, we're DOWNSIZING. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1729 Corporate wants you to try your hand. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1730 Talk to the hand 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1731 Here are all the places he touched me without asking. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1732 Mike, we need to talk about your performance. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1733 He can sleep at night because I'm handing out the pink slips. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1734 I wish there was another to tell you this. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
1735 So nice to see the bank supporting small business owners 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
1736 Your eye is jutting out. 1.2697 0.06543 89 73 8 8
1737 Nope, not now nor have I ever been. Also, I think you mean CHARLIE McCarthy. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1738 Nepotism. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1739 I can make you my new assistant manager by tomorrow, no strings attached. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1740 It says it's time to stop letting the little head think for the big head. 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1741 I'm getting very tired of always having to micromanage you. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1742 When are you going to learn to speak for yourself? 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1743 This is a copy of my formal complaint to Human Resources. Ask me again if I enjoy where his hand goes. I dare you. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1744 Yes, it’s me. We’re down-sizing. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1745 It says thank you for your service....he's sorry for being a coward.....and you are fired! 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1746 Memo reminding everyone: don't let someone else speak for you. 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
1747 Office work for dummies. 1.2697 0.06543 89 73 8 8
1748 Thompson ... does this dummy make me look smarter? 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1749 We're downsizing, but still firing you in a personal way. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1750 No offense taken, but you probably shouldn’t use the D-word if you're not Puppet-American. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1751 Sure, it’s well written, but could you write it while drinking water? 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1752 You think I'm a dummy? Wait'll you get my bill. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1753 I wanted to talk to you about my latest performance review... 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1754 Don't give me credit, he did all the work. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1755 Sorry Jenkins, but the firm is downsizing. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1756 ...of course it's about downsizing dummy! 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1757 I wanted you to meet my "yes" man. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1758 Our investors insist we scale down. You’re next. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1759 Your proposal to use a dummy corporation to hide our profits has been approved. 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1760 Urgent memo about transparency in the workplace. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1761 I know you typed this with your tiny little hands. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1762 Try it...I'm calling it 'Networking For Dummies'. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1763 This note is insulting. It makes me look like real dummy! 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1764 I could have pulled a better report out of my ass! To prove it, I have Johnson here fishing for one right now. 1.2697 0.06735 89 74 6 9
1765 You must have had your hand up your ass when you wrote this memo. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1766 Here's last night's program, and we killed, so who's the dummy now Ralph! 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1767 Plausible Deniability 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1768 Look this over and you'll see that I'm no dummy. 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
1769 This memo states that “Dummy” is no longer an acceptable term in our company’s lexicon. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1770 Pay no attention to the man holding me. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1771 You're fired; but don't blame me, I'm just the messenger. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1772 I want to file a sexual harassment complaint. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1773 Perhaps my partner can point out where our contract forbids me to work solo. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1774 I would like to file a sexual harassment complaint, please. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1775 How Westworld began. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1776 As your independent arbitrator, please both note that this decision is binding. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1777 Mr. Giuliani has authorized me to read the following clarification of his remarks. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1778 This is a sexual harassment claim, based on routine, inappropriate touching. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1779 The boss wanted me to hand-deliver this memo about not making fun of other people's hobbies. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1780 You know what you can do with this memo about cutting the dead wood around here? 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1781 Read my lips: no new faxes. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1782 Shut up and sign, dummy! 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1783 There's no room for error— I've got the big boss looking over my shoulder on this one. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1784 'On the other hand ...." 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1785 Sorry. But they’re downsizing everyone. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1786 I have a memo from Human Resources. You have to stop throwing your voice at me. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1787 We need to talk about your passive voice. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1788 It's from my book "Getting Fired For Dummies. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1789 Fake ventriloquism! 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1790 Frank hated nothing worse than taking direction from the dummies in middle management. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1791 Your pink slip. And don’t blame me. I’m just the messenger. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1792 Sorry, I'm not the one pulling the strings around here 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1793 You call these talking points? How am I supposed to say this to the White House press corps? 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1794 He's no longer tweeting. We're firing people this way now. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1795 In case of legal liability just remember who made this request. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1796 Congratulations, here's your mini-raise. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1797 I mean, I could have easily pretended not to notice your disproportionately tiny hand, and yet here we are. 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1798 You are hereby enjoined from any further reportage claiming the president is subject to manipulation or control by a foreign government. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1799 Charley McCarthy just bought the company. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1800 'What makes you think this isn't my very own original piece of work?" 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1801 Could you read this for me, Bob? I left my glasses on my other dummy. 1.2688 0.06142 93 75 11 7
1802 I'm sorry to have to let you go, but our vendors all report that they can see your lips moving. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1803 You're fired, but don't blame Jeff, who still wants to grab dinner with you later. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
1804 My bill for rebuilding my jaw. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1805 I, the Human Resources Puppet, definitely not your best friend Jerry, am telling you that you’re fired! 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
1806 He can't read without moving his lips. 1.2667 0.04947 90 67 22 1
1807 Could you enlarge this? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1808 How about we discuss the “real dummy “ who signed this contract! 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1809 Actually, we're here to discuss YOUR embarrassing performance. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1810 If his mouth doesn't move, you can't prove anything. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1811 As you can see, our staff is shrinking. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1812 Doctor's note. From the proctologist. Obviously. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1813 Turns out the book was actually called Dummies for Business. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1814 He expects payment in small bills. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1815 Don’t you always feel like there’s someone up your butt in this place? 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1816 He thinks delivering a pink slip this way will add humor to your job loss. Have a nice day. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1817 So 'moral' is down? I suppose you meant morale, with an 'e'? What a dummy. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1818 A new Policy of PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY ! 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1819 At first we didn't think we'd able to get it done, but Johnny over here pulled some strings. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1820 Who signed off on this? That's not my signature! 1.2644 0.05029 87 65 21 1
1821 Jim, can you read this and tell me if it sounds dumb? 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1822 Here's our company's new micro-aggression policy. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1823 You need to liven this up a little, lamb chop. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1824 Can you dummy this down? 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1825 Great news, you've been promoted to a more hands on project! 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1826 He kinda does his own thing. 1.2644 0.04755 87 64 23 0
1827 Here are the operating instructions for dummies for dummies. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1828 I am big. It's the raises that got small. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1829 You're fired. This wimp is too timid to do it himself. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1830 You said no dogs in-office, he's my Service Puppet. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1831 You left this on the copier. Not cool, my man. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1832 OK. Here's the restraining order! Now get this guy off my back!!! 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1833 Please tell me you're not the dummy who wrote this memo! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1834 There's an "H" in Munchkin.... 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1835 I'm told my whimsical presentation style softens the blow of being fired... 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1836 Here's the new company policy on micro- agression. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1837 Don't call me a puppet. I'm the one who pulls the strings. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1838 I’m submitting my official statement to HR. It’s about time the manager gets off my ass. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1839 I don't care if you think it is McCarthyism! I need to know who wrote this memo calling me a dummy! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1840 You must think I'm some kind of dummy to accept this ridiculous report! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1841 When I say there's a dummy talking, I mean there is a dummy talking. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1842 He was a good boss, but he liked to micromanage. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1843 Talk to the hand 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1844 Taxes, schmaxes you can’t keep us from filing a joint return. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1845 You may think I'm a dummy, but I'm not signing this contract. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1846 Even a dummy could see that he'd plugged his mouse into the keyboard. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1847 He just couldn't bring himself to say he's resigning. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1848 Hey, funny boy, congratulations on winning the firm's talent contest. You're fired. 1.2644 0.06428 87 71 9 7
1849 Do you accept Medicare? I seem to have a man stuck to my ass. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1850 Looks like you didn’t get the Memo. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1851 I’ve been told this pink slip is for you. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1852 I'm no dummy Henderson, your travel voucher has several questionable charges on it. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1853 I'm taking this to HR! It's 2018, Jenkins. 'Dummy' is a slur against the entire ventriloquist puppet community. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1854 For the last time, I'm the Assistant TO the Assistant Vice President. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1855 You're fired, Peterson. Who's the dummy now? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1856 What do you think I am? A dummy? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1857 You just got a pink slip from a dummy, dummy! 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1858 Now whose the dummy?!? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1859 Charlie McCarthy says to do it over. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1860 His therapist suggested that I help hand out the pink slips this quarter... 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
1861 It's the state of the art in attorney/client privilege. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1862 No, this is what I meant by micromanaging. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1863 Sadly, this call is out of my hands 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1864 The guy behind me is my comfort animal. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1865 Hi Jim--could you please be a doll and proof this? 1.2619 0.06364 84 68 10 6
1866 Talk to the hand ‘cause the face ain’t listening 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1867 Here's the new procedure, I've dummied it down for you. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1868 Richard didn't have the heart to tell you, but I have no heart 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1869 He'll respond once he feels you've been sufficiently belittled. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1870 I need you to rewrite my speech on relocating the puppetry assembly division to Mexico--but this time try not use the letters B, F, M, P, and V. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1871 Going forward, ccing me is fine. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1872 How’s my day going? This man has his hand up my butt, he keeps whispering in my ear and on top of all that he’s given me his grocery list. That girl with lips like sandpaper looks good about now. So don’t ask me again about how my day is going. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1873 “You’re FIRED!”, said the dummy with the small hands.... 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1874 You're right, it's not actually pink. And I'm not actually your boss. But you're still fired. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1875 The puppet wants me to tell you that you're fired, and to please not get mad at me, because I'm just holding the puppet. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1876 Don’t talk to the hand, talk to the data. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1877 Would it be more convincing if the big guy drank a glass of water while I read from this piece of paper?” 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1878 #TreeToo. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1879 We're a little short staffed this week. 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
1880 Also, Ted regrets that he couldn't be here to deliver your pink slip in person. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1881 Unfortunately for you, we're downsizing. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1882 We quit! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1883 Welcome to Sinclair Broadcasting. Here are today's facts. 1.2619 0.06364 84 68 10 6
1884 Help, I'm being held against his will! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1885 My client's first demand is no more dummy jokes. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1886 Try again. This doesn't sound like you. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1887 Just trying some new things out for our dummy corporation. Don't be alarmed. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1888 Don't shoot the messenger, but you're fired. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1889 Oy vey! Again with the short notice. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1890 Here’s my resume for the dummy editor position you posted. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1891 Here's my Birth Certificate. Now, put me on the company's health insurance and vision policy. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1892 Who's the dummy now, smart guy? Third phone order this week. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1893 To ease confrontation we call it a “you’re fired dummy.” 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1894 Are you the dummy that wrote the wooden language in this report? 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1895 I replaced the guy behind me. Wait until you see what replaces you. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1896 It takes one to know one. 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1897 I'm sorry, but we have to start downsizing at all levels. 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1898 It lacks a human element. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
1899 We’ve got a small problem. 1.2614 0.04980 88 66 21 1
1900 Read my lips. We are not a dummy corporation. 1.2614 0.04980 88 66 21 1
1901 The boss is really up my butt about finishing this. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1902 Which one of you is claiming a dependent? 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1903 For a change...we both agree! 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1904 I'd like to discuss this complaint about micromanaging. 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1905 It's just me resigning. You're stuck with the dummy. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1906 Another tip from “unnamed sources” 1.2614 0.06362 88 72 9 7
1907 No puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
1908 Down- sized workers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your strings! 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1909 I found someone to cover for me while I'm on vacation. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1910 I'd like to file an HR complain. This man has his hand in my ass. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1911 We're playing Good Boss / Bad Dummy. You're fired. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1912 Upper management is asking us to downsize. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1913 You're invited to his 50th, but don't say anything, it's a surprise. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1914 I thought you said there was no strings attached in this contract. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1915 You'll need to sign this...it's just the usual non-disclosure agreement for a 'dummy corporation'. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1916 Put this up on the board or the dummy gets it. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1917 Cubicle life is not for me. Showbiz, here I come!! 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1918 Don't call the police; just follow this list of demands by my proctologist. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1919 This memo is clear, so please don't put words in my mouth. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1920 They are downsizing the employees. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1921 You're fired, Steve. The company's downsizing 1.2588 0.06515 85 70 8 7
1922 To save you time, Mr. Trump strongly suggests you sign this one, Dr. Bornstein. 1.2588 0.06515 85 70 8 7
1923 He distracts clients from the fine print. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1924 Don't need your resume-we have enough dummies here! 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1925 You'll be sorry you ever called me a dummy! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1926 Dr. Evil here doesn't have the guts to fire you and neither do I so we're just going to give you this... 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1927 If you think about it, this is clearly more like a 'fusion' than a 'collusion.' 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1928 Just to be clear...the irony of your poor spelling is not lost on me...as either outcome whether 'termiting' or 'terminating' bodes poorly for me! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1929 I heard you guys hire any dummy that applies. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1930 It's called "Management for Dummies," and based on your tiny hands, it pertains to you, too. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1931 I would have gotten this list to you sooner but this guy’s been on my back all day. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1932 We’re downsizing. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1933 Sorry Steve, this is coming from the top-down. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1934 Don't blame the messenger. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1935 I read your memo and you’re wrong. I’m not a martinet and I categorically deny that I’m anyone’s puppet. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1936 Ignore him. He’s not firing you; I’M firing you. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1937 Read my lips. I fired the last guy who thought I was a dummy 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1938 Look, I'm just the messenger. If you've got a problem with this task, you'll have to take it up with the guy whose hand is up my butt. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1939 Just because I'm small, don't think I'm not petty too! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1940 Your boss just wants a little plausible deniability. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1941 Trump told my boss to tell me to tell you ---YOU'RE FIRED 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1942 The company president wants you to set up a dummy corporation. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1943 Hey, Bill. I brought new jokes about your promotion request. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1944 You should ask yourself, who is the dummy that didn’t get the memo? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1945 We're promoting you to straight man. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
1946 If you think this is impressive, should see him fire people while drinking water! 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1947 If we had an anonymous suggestion box this wouldn't be necessary. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1948 I just got promoted. Who's the dummy now? 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1949 Yes! I am complaining! This dude's hands are NOT a chair! 1.2561 0.06678 82 68 7 7
1950 I'm filing a written sexual harassment complaint against Bob here. He's had his hand inside me all day, and he won't let me speak for myself. 1.2561 0.06449 82 67 9 6
1951 Speak to my hand. 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1952 There's no easy way to say this, you're fired. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1953 Perkins? He helps me micro-manage 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1954 We closed the deal. It helped that I was able to pull some strings. 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1955 Did you get a pink slip too? I got one, but the guy behind me, didn't. How unfair is that? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1956 I'm really sorry, if it were up to me I'd never fire you, but I'm afraid he insists. 1.2561 0.06449 82 67 9 6
1957 Talk to the subpoena! 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1958 We had to downsize middle management. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1959 I'm the new down-sized HR Department. This is your pink slip. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1960 You're fired. And, by the way, you can go ahead and shoot the messenger. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1961 I really need a stand-up desk. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1962 I see your forecast for personnel came up short. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1963 If you want to write another memo for me, learn to use my voice. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1964 You've been promoted Stan, it was your tiny hands that sealed it. 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1965 This proposal is the work of a mindless, manipulated dummy, and I should know. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1966 Who are you calling a mouthpiece?! 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1967 He's asking you for a raise. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1968 This citation is for creating a hostile work environment based your use of the word "Dummy." 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1969 Sign here or the puppeteer dies. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1970 I've had to become very creative to get around the hiring freeze. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1971 I'm here in case you have to kill the messenger. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1972 Here's the dummy invoice I promised you. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1973 Marvin is too shy to read this to you." "It says." "You're fired, go, get out, now. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1974 Here's your two weeks notice. Now who's the dummy? 1.2561 0.06900 82 69 5 8
1975 I need you to edit the latest edition of Bosses for Dummies. 1.2561 0.06678 82 68 7 7
1976 Why did you send this to me? You think I 'm some kind of dummy! 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1977 You are too big, go 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1978 Your wife said to let you down softly, but you've been served 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1979 Who's the dummy now, Morganson? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1980 Rewrite this speech. It's WAY too short. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1981 Be Best 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1982 So which dummy should I listen to? 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1983 Quick, get this off to Charlie McCarthy. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1984 DNA results show that you aren't my dad....... 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1985 As stated in the contract, you can't use b, f, m, p, v, w, or y. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1986 They told me before I started that the boss was a dummy, but I didn't think they meant that literally. 1.2558 0.06230 86 70 10 6
1987 Are you serious? And I’m suppose to be the dummy. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1988 Here you go Schmedlapp, "Computers for Dummies"; if it worked for the guy behind me, it'll work for you! 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
1989 Here.Its about reducing the staff. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1990 Have your people call my people. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1991 The boss won't tell you but your report is crap. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1992 I like to think you're being rightsized. 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
1993 I thought ‘Business for Dummies’ was just a clever book title. 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
1994 I'm telling you Edgar, this promotion comes with no strings attached! 1.2532 0.04923 79 59 20 0
1995 Wilson refuses to directly deal with you. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
1996 Unthortunately, Ith got the dad n-oos: you're thired. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
1997 I will not stand for this! 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
1998 Is this what he meant when he said my Ph.D. would come in handy? 1.2530 0.06378 83 68 9 6
1999 This is a Letter of Reprimand for the Charlie McCarthy jokes you told in the break room. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2000 I have laryngitis. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2001 We've noticed that you haven't become an organ donor. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2002 He may be a bully, but at least he has the guts to speak for himself. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2003 I'd like to lodge a complaint. This man is mishandling me. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2004 Could be worse - Trump fires folks on Twitter. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2005 Here's my lunch order. Sawdust, woodstain, and I want an apple. No strings attached! 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2006 His requirements for you to return to speaking terms 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2007 I’m from HR, and I am here to help you! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2008 This is your termination notice. So, who’s the dummy now?! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2009 I have some questions about my performance review. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2010 Harold's latest attempt at avoiding direct confrontation in the workplace was deemed moderately successful. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2011 Get this done before you leave tonight, and stop calling me 'Big Guy.' 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2012 The final vote is in, 2-1 in favor of my raise. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2013 You left your anonymous survey by the printer. Good thing your boss didn't see it! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2014 You're darned right I second the motion. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2015 Do you want to see me give you this assignment while Haskins drinks a glass of water? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2016 That's not what I meant by "we're downsizing your role". 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2017 Notify all employees to stop calling my messages ‘mini-me’s mini-memo’s. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2018 Yes, I am the future of middle management in this company. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2019 Just read the note, follow the instructions and nobody gets hurt. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2020 New guidance on maintaining plausible deniability. If you get stuck see me, not him. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2021 This new “Save the trees, No more Dummies”law is a really bad idea. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2022 have you tried dropping him? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2023 It documents a history of inappropriate touching. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2024 Fred is uncertain how to feel about a new form of passive-aggressive notes. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2025 Damnit Greg my boss is really up my ass on these papers! 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2026 You don't have to tell me what artificial intelligence is all about. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2027 Don't listen to him 1.2500 0.06309 84 69 9 6
2028 James really didn't want to tell you this, but, you're fired 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2029 Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipsicing elite. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2030 I was told I'd qualify for time and a half pay. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2031 Everyone hands in reports on standard size paper, except you. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2032 How could you put Mortimer Snerd on the all time top ten dummy list and exclude me? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2033 Yes, it's your walking paper. This new guy is a much better ventriloquist PLUS he knows how to fix French Toast. 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2034 Show me on the doll where your boss delegated to you. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2035 What were you expecting from a small business consultant? 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2036 Help me Stephen, I've turned into a dummy and I need you to finish all of my paperwork by Wednesday. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2037 You're in trouble with the big guy. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2038 H.R. didn't have the heart to do it, so they sent me... You're fired. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2039 You should have read the small print before you signed! 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2040 I am not exactly pleased with this review of my people skills 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2041 And you call ME a dummy? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2042 Say hello to my big friend. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2043 Sorry but we’ve all been downsized 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2044 Yeah, I may be a dummy but I've still got a voice in all of this! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2045 Here's demands, first, get this guy off my back. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2046 What do I look like? Some kind of dummy? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2047 We're here about the job, 'Asst. to Rudy Giuliani", previous government work a plus, must be able to keep mouth shut! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2048 I am his registered support dummy, you have to make an accommodation. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2049 Here’s your pink slip. Who’s the dummy now? 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2050 Here's the proposal for my next book -- "Ventriloquism for Dummies." 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2051 He is not the boss of me. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2052 Read this joke and laugh, he's got laryngitis. 1.2500 0.05046 84 64 19 1
2053 In case you haven’t guessed yet - you’re being downsized... 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2054 Remit to the Panama account, Howard...and remember, this conversation never happened. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2055 These ideas you’ve written are all my ideas. You really need to find your own voice around here, Larry. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2056 He's a rescue 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2057 I may be a parasitic twin but I ain't no dummy! 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2058 He doesn't have the guts to hand out pink slips himself. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2059 My name is Giuliani. My client, Mr.Trump, asks that you print this statement in your paper. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2060 I'm not a dummy, I know you wrote this! 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2061 Do as it says or I'll cut off his tongue. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2062 We just received this letter of complaint from a Miss Marion Nette. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2063 Look, don't kill the messenger. We all work for someone. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2064 Re-write it in your own voice this time. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2065 So? You have small hands. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2066 Here's your report. Now get this guy off my back. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2067 #metwo 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2068 Why!? Because the mime wasn't humiliating enough. That's why! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2069 What do I look like, a Dummy?!!! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2070 Your report is trash, and the boss is behind me on this. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2071 Don didn't have the guts to tell you, so I will. You're fired. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2072 Yeah, we can't actually find a record of you being a current employee here. 1.2500 0.06532 84 70 7 7
2073 I really prefer to use my OWN voice, OK? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2074 Of course this is the only copy, dummy questions like that belittle our standing. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2075 This is not, I repeat NOT, fake news! 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2076 You think I'm micromanaging you? Try working with a hand up your ass all day. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2077 Trump says read this on Fox news. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2078 Tom here, doesn't have the balls to fire you so I'm afraid its left to me to give you your pink slip. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2079 I found my replacement. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2080 Meet my proxy. 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2081 A subpoena? You think this is cute? 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2082 Sorry, Jim. We're downsizing to save costs. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2083 I think you'll find the dummy's material pretty much speaks for itself. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2084 Don't make me say it more than twice! 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2085 Here’s $130,000 to make this guy shut up. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2086 Here's the list of our Russian contacts. You didn't get it from Finster. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2087 This isn't what we meant when we said you need to be giving 110% at work 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2088 Here's your written reprimand, Bob. You can't go around calling your coworkers dummies. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2089 Doesn't sound any less like B.S. coming from him, Kevin. 1.2469 0.06462 81 67 8 6
2090 This is our final offer - no strings attached! 1.2469 0.06462 81 67 8 6
2091 If you want to talk to the President, you'll have to go through me. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2092 Sigh* "I told you, 'Oscar;' we're not hiring. And I can see your mouth moving, Bryan. Please, go back to your desk." 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
2093 For the last time Roger, I'm not paying both of you. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2094 Taking his cue from the leader of the free world, Ted now fires by proxy. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
2095 Wadkins, if I approved these expenses, people here would take me for a dummy! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2096 The dummies in Human Resources wanted me to give you this. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2097 Gotta believe me, he doesn't know about this contract. He doesn't even know he is holding me. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2098 Mr. Kushner here hasn't got the heart to do it himself, so on behalf of the President it's fallen to me to deliver your termination papers Mr. (________(fill in the blank)_______). You're Fired. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2099 "When did Terminex stop participating in our health plan"? 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2100 Yes, I know we're just a dummy corporation, but this really needs to be done. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2101 Was it you who filed this complaint about unnecessary micromanagement? 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2102 The company is being downsized. 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2103 Saw your email Frank. Yes, this company is run by a dummy! 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2104 Managing for Dummies 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2105 I'm the new H.R. Director. I want to give you this termination notice in person to avoid any possible confusion. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2106 I didn’t say that, he did. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2107 Bad news. "Big Tom" says you're fired. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2108 Are you the one who sent me this book 'Computer Skills for Dummies'? 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2109 It's in the self-help section: "Avoiding Confrontation for Dummies". 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2110 Shoot the messenger. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2111 Can you dumb it down? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2112 You think I'm making this up? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2113 HR will now be run by artificial intelligence. Also, you're fired. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2114 You! Is this your memo? "Knock wood, Ha Ha?" You think that's funny? I'll show you funny. Splinters up your butt: that's funny. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2115 Sorry, Bob, but you're being replaced with artificial intelligence. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2116 Pay no attention to the hand up my back 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2117 The great thing about Twitter is that nobody can see his lips move. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2118 Your hand is all over this. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2119 No, that doesn't count as a middle man. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2120 Can you please sign this, the boss is really on my ass about this. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2121 You say,'The boss is a dummy.' I say, 'You're fired.' 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2122 Mr. Snodgrass hates confrontation: you're fired! 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2123 Mr. Johnson asked me to deliver this internal memo about our new corporate growth strategy. He also suggested that everyone get a puppet for plausible deniability. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2124 Men with little hands are bigger where it counts. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2125 What’s that look for, huh?? Yeah, ok, I might be a little guy...and I’m sort of sitting in midair. But MY hands are the same size as YOUR hands, my friend, so just remember that... 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2126 Bob here didn't write this and has no idea what it says. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2127 Common misconception—the corporate arm is literal. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2128 You've been invited to the 3rd Annual Employee Ventriloquist Contest; just kidding, you're fired. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2129 Office hack#38 . . .because no man delights in the bearer of bad news. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2130 But the flyer says the office talent show is today?! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2131 I consider myself more of a corporate puppeteer. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2132 So here's my idea on downsizing. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2133 And again... I never said any of this, it was the puppet 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2134 Sign here... we're pulling the strings now 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2135 Can you believe I got called in to HR for calling Bill a dummy. For heaven's sake, It's our word! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2136 Initial here and we can keep this between you, me, and the bedpost. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2137 I heard you got promoted to middle management. Who's the corporate puppet now? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2138 I read your rough draft Smith. I would like it better if you chose a different voice 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2139 Your copy is derivative. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2140 It's a subpoena for your dummy corporation. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2141 I’m handing in my resignation, he doesn’t have the guts.” 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2142 Sticky notes for dummies, you should read it. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2143 Meanwhile at the "For Dummies" headquarters 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2144 You're fired, Mr. Tiny Hands. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2145 We're getting downsized. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2146 It's not you, it's me. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2147 I'm counting on you coming to the show on Saturday. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2148 Welp, I got a clean bill of health from the proctologist. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2149 We’re downsizing. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2150 Roger’s fear of confrontation has just gotten ridiculous. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2151 HR hopes this will cut down on workplace confrontations 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2152 I want real news. This looks like something Rudy Giuliani would say. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2153 Mind explaining this invoice for wood glue and lip balm, Edgar? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2154 I personally disagree with him, but, you know..... 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2155 Hey, my face is down here. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2156 I thought it best to tell you the bad news man to man. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2157 I can't believe this dummy is my boss. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2158 Look, you've done some good work here, but it seems like you're still trying to find your own voice. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2159 A raise and a promotion if you get this dummy off my back! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2160 You're fired. You can blame me, but not my big friend here. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2161 I need this, in duplicates. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2162 This is the small settlement we talked about. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2163 Bad news, Jared. The lawyers just told me to dummy up. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2164 Hey, can I try my new ventr-- oh holy fuck what happened to your right hand? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2165 This list of grievances speaks for itself. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2166 I was looking through the suggestion box and found one that was interesting, Ted. “Supervisor? More like a spineless puppet.” 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2167 Now who's the dummy, Glenn!?? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2168 Here’s my resignation— you have called me ”a real dummy” once too often! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2169 Matter of fact , he does speak for the board of directors. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2170 If anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2171 Read my lips, no more layoffs! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2172 Don't look at me like I'm the one who said it. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2173 I'm the only one who's lips move, and that's the way it's gonna stay. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2174 There are concerns about your latest report. I'm not good at face-to-face confrontation, so I wrote you this note. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2175 The President submits a statement to the press through a spokesman. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2176 Let's see... "Mr. Trump will be the healthiest President ever..." No, wait, here it is: "Phil was absent from work Friday due to an episode of pleurisy." Boy, this get's easier the more I do it. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2177 No, I'm not firing you; the puppet is firing you. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2178 Once again, Phillips was guilty of micromanagement. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2179 Why am I firing you? Because I'm his right hand man. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2180 It's not just a pink slip, it's funny! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2181 This Department Has Worked 0 Days Without a Ventriloquist Incident. The Previous Record was __ days. 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
2182 You have never been issued a subpoena? 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
2183 This says, "Micro-management will no longer be tolerated!" 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2184 Please, help me! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2185 No, I am NOT a carry-on dummy. I have my ticket right here. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2186 Here's a message from the guy in the corner office you called a dummy. It says, "you're fired!" 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2187 I have a little task for you 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2188 I need a little word with you! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2189 Mr. Clark, you have officially been served 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2190 Upper management’s edgy new supervisory implement requires you rate the effectiveness of the mustache on a scale between eins and sieben. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2191 Can you read shorthand? 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2192 As the new Regional Manager, Mr. Jacob's approach to confrontation was unorthodox and refreshingly whimsical. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2193 The boss is making me tell you to take care of this. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2194 Hey Mark can you finish up this paperwork for me? The boss is all up in my business. 1.2375 0.06474 80 67 7 6
2195 What do you mean calling me a lap dog? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
2196 I got a little job for you. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2197 The boss thought you might like to read this book - Leadership for Dummies" 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2198 We definitely agree on this one. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2199 Here's you're final notice, we're downsizing. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2200 I am your President and nobody manipulates me. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2201 He can't think of anything to say so I wrote you this note. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2202 Sign this requisition for toner. And by the way, I've been sleeping with your wife. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2203 If you have something to say to me, just say it to me face to face. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2204 Here's today's news he sees fit to print. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2205 Explain to me, Sanders, why you lied on your "résumé." You think I'm a dummy. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2206 Day 42: The boss has given a whole new meaning to the term "micro managing." 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2207 HR needs to talk to you about harassment allegations. #MiniMeToo 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2208 Research says you come away happier when handed your pink slip by something that brings back childhood phobias. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2209 Don't worry, they've been carrying me for years. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2210 I'm sorry about your job, but his hands are tied. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2211 I thought I had picked up a copy of 'Memo Writing for Dummies'. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2212 Myers wants me to give you this list of demands. And his choice to have me act as his representative is not a sign of weakness. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2213 Send this memo to all the dummies in the office. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2214 Is this a good time to review all your complaints about that dummy boss of yours? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2215 You asked for short-form. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2216 Your lips are moving as well. 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
2217 Your urinals fail to meet the new specs. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2218 I don't think you should be calling your CEO 'a little dummy' in your memos to the board. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2219 here's your short term contract! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2220 You said you needed a mouthpiece, so here I am. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2221 Move your lips one more time and you'll be fired. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2222 My superior is uncomfortable telling you this, so he asked me to let you know...you're being laid off. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2223 At least my hands fill out the sleeves 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2224 Look, I'm just following orders. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2225 It's a flyer for a workshop on overcoming fear of public speaking. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2226 This memo says Mr. Hodges hurts productivity with his vexillography. Mr. Hodges only studies flag design in his leisure time, dummy. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2227 You think a lay-off is bad? I've been downsized my whole life. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2228 The new 3D printer is online. Oh, and you're all fired. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2229 Blame him! He's the one asking you to work overtime. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2230 Excuse me, Patterson, but I never said any of this. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2231 Gerald wants you to make the font bigger on your documents. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2232 We're downsizing, so we're going to have to let you go. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2233 We are a package deal. He speaks for both of us! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2234 We're suing for slander. I'm just his mouthpiece. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2235 It's easier to fire people when it doesn't come from me directly. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2236 Hi! I'd like to set up a dummy corporation for Mikhail...I mean Miguel...sorry..Michael Kohn...I mean Cohn...sorry Cohen. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2237 Corporate policy says I have to tell you that we are dating. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2238 Hey, don't feel too bad - Bob hot fired by a mime. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2239 They said I'm only a micromanager... 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2240 Here’s the written documentation for IRS purposes that I am a dependent. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2241 It's a pink slip, dummy. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2242 Starting January 1, we'll be retaining only employees who think outside the voice box. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2243 This has forced me into a very comprimising position. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2244 Our focus group thought 'Management for Dummies' was derogatory, but Management disagrees. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2245 You will no longer be needed at the White House. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2246 Johnson was beginning to think that maybe he was the dummy. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2247 Don't look at it as down-sizing, look at it as gaining a little friend. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2248 This statement of LGBTD rights clearly says that I have the right to have a hand up my tush during any and all business hours. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2249 Seriously, you didn't think I'd recognize the hand writing? 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2250 I'm his mouthpiece! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2251 Compliance found a loophole in our non-retaliation policy. You're fired. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2252 My opinions are totally my own. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2253 John realized he was about to be a victim of Charley McCartyism.. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2254 Let me clear: he is to be cc'ed on everything. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2255 In keeping with company bylaws, he cannot directly make this job offer to you. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2256 My study is completed. Little hands don't indicate anything! 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2257 This report is not your own work ... I may be a puppet, but I am not stupid. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2258 Scott isn't firing you, Mr. Tibbles is. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2259 Herbert says he’s very angry that he wasn’t cc’d on this memo. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2260 Here’s my formal complaint , this man is constantly touching me inappropriately. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2261 You're fired. And in this case, it's okay to shoot the messenger. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2262 I hate to be the one to tell you this, so... 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2263 Your eighth birthday? My lips moved? Your dad refused to pay? Starting to ring a bell? 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2264 Can you get this for me? I hear that you're the one pulling the strings around here. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2265 You’re fired. Just don’t take it out on the other dummy. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2266 Little Bill says you're fired. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2267 In this industry, you’ve gotta start small 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2268 Please read this without moving your lips. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2269 Don't be alarmed by being handed a "pink slip" from a dummy,....it has been the new normal around here for over a year ! 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2270 You typed your report on my grandfather's remains. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2271 Remember. This conversation never happened. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2272 I don't care if you think the office is run by a bunch of dummies, I'm the BOSS! 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2273 I'm reporting you for microaggression 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2274 I've been made redundant. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2275 I quit! Who's the dummy now? 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
2276 I hear your voice, but I’m seeing your lips move. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2277 Read my lips: no more wisecracks. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2278 I can't talk, he's got his hand up my ass. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2279 Read this, dummy. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2280 When you squint, you barely even notice he’s a corporate puppet 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2281 Read my lips, Carl... 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2282 You haven't signed my petition against sock puppets. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2283 Why do you assume the expense report with the comedy club is mine, dummy? 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2284 Here’s a list of reasons you should hang out with Gary. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2285 You’re fired. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2286 I need this form filled out and don’t make me look like a dummy! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2287 Managements' new strategy to inform workers of imminent downsizing was not well received. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2288 Read my lips: the President can do anything. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2289 Since you couldn't hear me from across the office, I decided to throw my voice. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2290 I quit; I'm tired of being your puppet. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2291 Were you the one who wrote this for him for me? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2292 Who do you think is firing you? Is there someone else in the office? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2293 Your puppet is served. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2294 I got your memo about printing out emails. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2295 We haven't met before but I'm the guy who delivers the small print. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2296 Betcha I can turn that big ol' frown upside d—just kidding; you’re fired. 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
2297 I have been working time and a half on this! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2298 He doesn't want to fire you, so I will. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2299 This copy is hollow, wooden, and doesn't let your own voice come through. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2300 It’s says “Subpoena”, dummy! 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2301 Frankly Wilson, I found your memo of computer skills for dummies quite offensive! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2302 Okay, now talk to me as if I’m a client. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2303 Your invite doesn't say if we can bring a plus one. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2304 Did you know we're downsizing! 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2305 It’s a list of complaints from somebody who will remain nameless. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2306 He isn’t joking. If you don’t start working harder, he will put an arm up your a**. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2307 You know I can see you, right? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2308 You call this funny? 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
2309 Sorry Glenn, we’re downsizing. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2310 It’s a supoena...for the Mcarthy hearings. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2311 You mean to tell me the “for dummies” series isn’t really for dummies? 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
2312 This memo from Mr. Finklestein mandates an end to all micromanagement...wait, is he standing behind me? 1.2338 0.05195 77 60 16 1
2313 Size discrination 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2314 You're fired. And don't chop the messenger. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
2315 This is a written-warning to stop goofing around at the office. 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
2316 Here is a note from my doctor who is giving me a colonoscopy as I speak. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2317 My client would like to submit this brief to the House committee. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2318 Just remember.... you didn’t hear this from me. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2319 he's always up my ass about time sheets 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2320 This report makes me re-think who the actual dummy is 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2321 You’ll notice that my resume highlights my teamwork abilities. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2322 You’re fired for calling your boss a dummy! 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2323 Here’s tonight’s breaking news, but remember: You didn’t hear it from me. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2324 Words in my mouth? Perish the thought! 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2325 Just a reminder that it's 'take your daughter (and/or divorce coping mechanism) to work day' tomorrow 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2326 Just title it My Struggle. So what if another semitic people call it Jihad. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2327 The coward carrying me doesn't have the guts to tell you himself. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2328 I do as much work as he does so I should get equal pay. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2329 Hey dummy, give Kevin a raise! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2330 I have here a list of suggestions, comments, complaints, and demands from an anonymous employee. 1.2329 0.06621 73 61 7 5
2331 Guess what -- you accidentally cc'd me on your email. Who's the dummy now? 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2332 You expect me to believe you wrote this on your own? 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2333 So, the big boys sent me to tell you that you're fired. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2334 Send this, and don't go putting words in my mouth. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2335 Will you google this for me? My fingers are stiff. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2336 Steven Taylor, you’ve just been served. Have a nice day. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2337 this was very hard to write 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2338 The President wants to tell you your fired and that he can do it while drinking a glass of water? 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2339 Uh...yeah. Uh...what he said. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2340 I think I can speak for rest of the company that your delivery is a bit wooden. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2341 First do me a favor and check where Ned has his hand. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2342 I'm from outplacement. We want you to look back on this and laugh. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2343 I'm your boss, do as he says! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2344 What dummy wrote this? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2345 Did you even read Windows for Dummies? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2346 Look, dumbass! I don’t read script. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2347 You misspelled the boss's name on the annual report. Who's the dummy now, Bob? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2348 Print this while drinking a glass of water and humming 'Swanee River' 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2349 What do you mean you can see my mouth moving? 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2350 Why should I listen to you? You’re a dummy. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2351 See! You're not the only one in this firm that knows short hand!" 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2352 You're upset with me? You should have seen his monkey! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2353 You didn't make the boss's short list for anything, whatsoever. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2354 It's our new policy stating ventriloquism is not creepy as hell. Please post it immediately. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2355 I will have my people talk to your people about this! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2356 If I delivered this speech, they'd call me a dummy! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2357 Severance has a whole other meaning for me. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2358 Help! This fool won’t put me down. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2359 He's resigning because he feels belittled. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2360 I want these five things done by tomorrow or the ventriloquist comes unhinged. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2361 You're fired!" "Says who? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2362 HR's new non-discrimination policy covers dummies. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2363 My contract speaks for itself. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2364 My manager felt bad about giving you more work to do at 4:45, so I volunteered to do it for him. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2365 I’m Dr Jackson and I wrote this report. 1.2329 0.06621 73 61 7 5
2366 I want this done right the first time. I know when you cut corners, I'm not a dummy. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2367 I want everything in duplicate. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2368 Wait 'till you see my office! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2369 I speak for my client here when I say that the both of us agree that a separtion is in order 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2370 Here’s my proposal for a dummy neutral restroom. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2371 As stated in the Dunham, Bergen, Winchell case, you need to look at me when I am talking to you. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2372 Come on Wiggins, think for yourself! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2373 You are about to know how I feel all the time. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2374 I demand to have my voice heard! 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2375 Help me, he's a madman. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2376 I guess micromangement has a different meaning around here...huh, Ted. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2377 You're fired. I didn't want to do it but I was manipulated by my idiot supervisor. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2378 I told my goofy friend here to 'give this to Emma,' but he thought I said 'give me an enema.' 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2379 Meet your new department head. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2380 ... and if you screw this up, upper management will be all over your ass. Trust me on this! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2381 I’m sorry that you’re getting this secondhand... but you’re fired. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2382 Put a suit on- this is a formal work space so suits are required and no toys are allowed. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2383 I wrote this song about you. Does that make me weird? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2384 The boss wants you to know that he values autonomy 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2385 You need to learn to write in your own voice! 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2386 Don't blame him for all the work you're about to do, he just carries me around. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2387 He's the ball-buster. I'm the nutcracker! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2388 I would like to discuss a raise for my partner and I. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2389 Roger--he of little backbone--asked me to give you this request. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2390 HR, this is a sexual harassment notice. He won't take his hand off my butt! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2391 I only use him for real estate deals. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2392 Check it out. It's a non-disclosure agreement for dummys who're not responsible for what they say. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2393 Jim couldn't bear to fire you face-to-face, so he brought me. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2394 We need to talk - mannequin a mano. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2395 I may be a “sycophantic gerbil”, but I know when to avoid “Reply All”. 1.2329 0.04981 73 56 17 0
2396 From an anonymous source, you're fired. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2397 I'm testing out our new a proxy server 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2398 I'm afraid we're having our Mini-MeToo moment. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2399 The big brass would rather not speak to underlings. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2400 This couldn't have been anymore awkward if they had sent the company mime to deliver the pink slip. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2401 According to his annual employee review, I think Charles deserves a raise! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2402 They loved my prototype; now who's the dummy? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2403 Just sign this NDA and the big guy gives you $130,000. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2404 I heard your comment on how I act like I have something up my ass. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2405 I liked it better when I only had to pretend to respect one boss. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2406 Please note that the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of my present owner 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2407 Plausible deniability. I'll take the fall if anything goes wrong. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2408 I'm the only employee with the guts to tell you this memo is asinine. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2409 HR would like to speak with you. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2410 Big boss asked me to hand you this. His hands are full at the moment. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2411 For the last time, the company handbook states that the freezer is for food only. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2412 I’m a precautionary measure: Mini Me-Too. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2413 Psst. Please sign this birthday card for the boss. 1.2297 0.06816 74 63 5 6
2414 My personal lawyer, completely acting on his own, would like you to sign this NDA. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2415 "And at the top of the list is Murphy's Oil installed in the rest rooms". 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2416 Simpson, we don't use the term "dummy" around here. I'm sorry, but... you're fired. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2417 If you’re gonna put words in my mouth, try ‘These jokes suck’. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2418 It's my body - when I die I want to go as a yule log. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2419 Of course it’s a dummy bank account; what were you expecting? 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2420 I'd like to file a me two complaint. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
2421 Just because I let this guy put his hand up my butt and make me talk like a puppet does not mean that my ideas are not good. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
2422 Don't shoot the big guy, it's the little guy's idea. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2423 Spare me these tedious disquisitions on macroeconomic theory, Thornstein. You know good and goddamn well what I mean by vertical integration! 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2424 I'm new here, this guy's hands are cold, file this for me please. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2425 I know you're sleeping with with my wife, Johnson. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
2426 Evans! I need you to run out and get me some wood glue. And lots of it. When you get back, clear out your desk. Here's your pink slip. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2427 Take this memo, and don't tell me to shove it up my ass, it's already too crowded in there. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2428 Yes I'm serious, that is why I delivered this message personally! 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2429 As you can see, Steve, even management is downsizing this year. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2430 We’re going to need these “Work-Appropriate Hand Attirre” memos in triplicate by end of business. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2431 If I could speak for myself you would not be my first choice. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2432 What is the meaning of this, you dummy? 1.2297 0.04923 74 57 17 0
2433 The 'Business for Dummies' idea got the 'go ahead.' 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2434 Hold this, my hands are too small. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2435 Here are my client's demands. Also, would you turn up the thermostat? His hands are freezing! 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2436 We need to move on this. Whaddya say we cut out the middle man? 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2437 I thought it was a good report, but the clowns upstairs want you to rewrite it. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2438 I see you've brought your corporate puppet with you today. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
2439 Hi, I'm Mini-Me Mueller and here's your subpoena. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
2440 The boss is up my ass trying to get these papers filed by the deadline. 1.2286 0.06490 70 58 8 4
2441 It seems I'm not the only dummy in here. You're fired! 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
2442 Here, see? They love my haiku, and they’re gonna publish it. Asshole! 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
2443 Pay no attention to that man behind the dummy. Did you or did you not write this? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
2444 I'm not a dummy! He's the dummy! 1.2278 0.06228 79 66 8 5
2445 Where in the sexual harassment guidelines does it say he gets to put his hand up there? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2446 Don’t like it? Talk to the hand. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2447 This is Jason, our ventriloquits compliance officer. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2448 You're done being my puppet. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
2449 Got the memo, dummy? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2450 Don't hit me, I'm just the messenger! 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2451 You're to be replaced by an artificial intelligence, like me. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
2452 No more referring to me as a common dummy. This nursery affidavit establishes that I am a rare blend of maple and mahogany. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
2453 I've been meaning to speak to you. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2454 I think I speak for both us when I say this report isn't up to snuff, Campbell. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2455 I now know who had a hand in that decision. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2456 Don't look at me like I've a thumb up my @$$." "Where are my TPS reports? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2457 What do you mean I fell short of expectations! 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2458 Reed the Memo Dummy says: read the memo, dummy. 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
2459 Were you speaking for yourself when you sent this? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2460 This is not how you downsize! 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2461 The dummy was too afraid to ask for a raise... so I will! 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
2462 From the look of these numbers, I'd say you're the dummy, pal! 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2463 My therapist says I have anxiety, but H.R. doesn't allow support animals. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2464 Ha! A one-page tax return - who's the dummy now? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2465 I'd appreciate your advice on a situation of unwelcome touching. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2466 I wrote this memo to give him plausible deniability. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2467 Pay no attention to the man behind the closer. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2468 I'm not much of a micro manager but... 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2469 Nine point font, please. I'm not blind. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2470 I wrote you another poem—no strings attached. 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
2471 "It's his request for a squatting desk". 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2472 I have been assigned the unpleasant task of going over your annual performance review. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2473 Bill, here are Mike and my per diems for Charlotte. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2474 It's a harassment complaint...I can't do anything without this guy's hands all over me. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2475 Do you HR guys ever get tired of issuing new dress codes? He has to wear gloves. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2476 We've decided to let you go. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2477 We're being downsized and I do feel your pain. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2478 I don't want to put words in your mouth, but text this. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2479 This is your last official warning to use my correct pronouns, or else. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2480 Pack a bag Pierre. Got to go to Paris and this clown don’t parlez francais. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2481 Tell Mr. Cohen that his shell company makes us all look like dummies ! 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2482 ...And if I get any more crap from you like this, you’ll be hearing from the big boss! 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2483 Larry wasn't prepared for this when they told him the boss his a hand in everything... 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2484 I may be a dummy but you're fired! 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2485 I'm told your responsible for this mini-meme? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2486 I'm the boss. Nobody speaks for me. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2487 So...Steve doesn't know how to delegate? Then how did I just come up with the new marketing proposal? 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2488 Don't think you can throw your voice around here! 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2489 In the words of another dummy, 'You're fired.' 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2490 Regrettably, the company has been forced to do some downsizing. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2491 Hank knew the day would come when he would come face-to-face with Willard the Firing Dummy. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2492 My passive-aggressive boss’ alter-ego delivered the list of things Little Dolphie would like done by 5 o’clock... 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2493 The Board's new plan will decrease expenses by downsizing personnel. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2494 Sorry, kid. I don’t make the rules. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2495 Whatever you do, don't call him a dummy. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2496 I am the definition of a micromanager! 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2497 I'm not tiny. I'm HUGE! Here, have some more classified information, Ambassador Lavrov. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2498 'Speaking for myself, you won't be missed. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2499 Yes, my proxy has also signed the form. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2500 Sorry for the short notice, but here's your walking papers. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2501 Carbon copy me on this. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
2502 Hello HR, I'm suing the guy behind me for harassment. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2503 Performance review time. And since your boss has trouble with confrontations, I’ll handle the difficult parts. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
2504 We've decided against your proposal of cutting middle management. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2505 Plausible deniability my friend? 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2506 I'm his mouthpiece! 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2507 Read my lips, Johnson. I said DO NOT double-space this. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2508 How am I supposed to approve your request when you know we just went through downsizing? 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
2509 The boss is a virtual ventriloquist. He has me write these memos and you can't even see his hands move! 1.2222 0.06324 72 60 8 4
2510 He says he tired of just communicating by email. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2511 Johnson, read my lips: the numbers don’t add up. I’m going to have to report you to my Controller. 1.2222 0.04934 72 56 16 0
2512 Don't complain—the boss is riding my ass, too. 1.2222 0.06324 72 60 8 4
2513 I’d like to open this small business. 1.2222 0.06324 72 60 8 4
2514 I hired him for his looks. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2515 Where can I drop off this complaint about the height of the mailboxes? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2516 Sign it or I'll kick the stuffing out of your electronic dummy. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2517 Well, well, I think sending me this little note is a bit passive aggressive, wouldn't you agree? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2518 He's got laryngitis but apparently you're fired. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2519 I'm learning to be more assertive. 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2520 And if this expense account doesn't outrage me enough, the guy behind me has his hand up my butt. 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2521 Well that's better, a dummy got your attention. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2522 I'm from HR and I'll personally be available to discuss with an open mind, why you're being let go. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2523 Listen, James, I'm not trying to be mean, but from one dummy to another.... 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2524 Yes, I'm the dummy delivering your pink slip. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2525 I'm sorry, but the font size is way too small. 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2526 Whats that Mr. Stephenson... He won't like his severance package... No, I don't think he will! 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2527 No, no, no, that's backwards. I fly the children's ticket. The guy behind me is my service dummy. He flies streereage. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2528 Do it! Or, he'll stick his hand up your ... Just do it! 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2529 This is a formal complaint about where his hand is - act natural. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2530 This is outrageous. Our department has already been downsized. 1.2208 0.05104 77 61 15 1
2531 Harry can't talk to you right now, but here's something pink that he wants you to read quietly. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2532 Looking at your last review, it looks like you're the dummy - not me. 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
2533 How many times do I have to tell you to address emails to me instead of the dummy behind me? 1.2208 0.06303 77 65 7 5
2534 You keep writing ‘Dummy’ in front of my lines, and I will be the end of you, Withers. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2535 My resignation. I am sick and tired of him having his head up his ass and his hand up my ass. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2536 Have this done by five or he'll have his hand up your butt! 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
2537 This is to notify you that it's PC to call only one of us a dummy. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2538 You misspelled gingivitis. No small matter. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2539 It's a love note; please take it. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
2540 It's obvious I am not the dummy here. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
2541 I see you never bothered to read PCs for Dummies. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
2542 You didn't get this from me, understand? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2543 Well Bill, it has come to this. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2544 Well, well, look who's been spreading word- like 'downsized', 'short list' or anything '...for Dummies'. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2545 I'm not my own man? Who's the complaint against - me or him? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2546 It doesn’t take a dummy to see whose cooking the books. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2547 Can you believe this shit? 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2548 I object to your comment about too many yes-men and dummies working here. 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2549 It's not that I hate your work, I just find it creepy and unfunny. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2550 What kind of boss do you take me for? Do I look like a dummy to you? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2551 This is a list of my demands. You'll get his later. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2552 The boss needs some dummy to pull these files. And you’re it. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2553 We’re letting go of all you office drones. It’s time we had a corporate puppet around here. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2554 You're fired, you small handed freak! 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2555 Finally... proof that someone around here is doing things behind my back! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2556 Boss wants two copies of everything! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2557 I've rewritten this speech so that it reflects MY thinking. I don't appreciate your putting words in my mouth! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2558 I need you to dummy up a proposal by the end of the day. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2559 #Mini-Me Too. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2560 You can honestly testify that the company never gave me these instructions. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2561 If my wife asks: I'm not here. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2562 Severance for dummies. 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2563 If you sign, there will be no strings attached. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2564 He's already putting words in my mouth, now he's giving me cue cards?!, we are worried about him...I mean us...I mean me 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2565 Well frankly, Peter, you make ME uncomfortable with YOUR lack of professionalism. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2566 You're fired. If it makes you feel any better, please feel free to shoot the messenger. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2567 Ok "Mister Critic", just what did you mean that my performance seemed "wooden"? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2568 The ventriloquist says this script isn't funny, and he's sick of being the straight man! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2569 My emotional-support dummy has reported you to H.R. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2570 The Big Dummy wants you to take care of this. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2571 We are trying to lower the expectations on this year’s employee bonuses. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2572 You will not get overtime since the order did not come directly from upper management. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2573 The President requested that memo’s fit better in the hands. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2574 I need this done by 7, management is up my a--. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2575 Did you write this note in the suggestion box that says, "management is out of touch"? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2576 If you could have this back on his desk by 5pm that would be great. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2577 I may be dummy, but guess who's getting the pink slip? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2578 And for our next act, we’ll make Larry’s job disappear! 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2579 My source insisted on strict anonymity. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2580 Tiny paper for your tiny tiny hands Jim. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2581 I’m the little man gnawing inside he told you about—and here’s how I see it. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2582 I want this on the double. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2583 I can't speak about it, so I wrote it down. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2584 The tone of your editorial is strangely stiff, hollow, and perverse: I love it! 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2585 I’m sorry, but we wanted two job applications. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2586 Shoot the messenger if you must. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2587 And that's "Hey, 'Mr.' Dummy!" to you. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2588 Help! I'm being held hostage, and it's very uncomfortable. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2589 Our new corporate philosophy only allows for fascism in small doses. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2590 Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Do you think I'm a dummy? 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2591 It’s less dangerous than reply-all. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2592 And that's just the half of it, you pike-nosed chiseler. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2593 By all means, shoot the messenger. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2594 What do you mean, "I'm reclaiming my wood"? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2595 Congratulations Smithers. Upper management pulled some strings and got you a small raise. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2596 Good morning. I have been appointed diversity supervisor here and these are your work orders for today. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2597 Like I said, he's not my boss. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2598 Will you take these five steps to make the office less of a hellhole? Asking for a friend. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2599 He needs this printed in large type 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2600 Bing! You've got mail! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2601 Maybe, instead of criticizing over email, you say it to my face... 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2602 Focus on the crucial evidence in my hand. Not on the man behind me. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2603 Don't say you heard about this from me! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2604 I hate my boss--he always talks out of his ass 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2605 Here's Bob's quarterly report. He hates your guts. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2606 Eve the dummy holding me says this work is crap! 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2607 My client pleads the fifth, but if -- hypothetically -- he couldn't shut up, here is the story he wants you to broadcast. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2608 I have a dummy assignment for you. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2609 I'm filing a complaint with H.R. that you treat me like a dummy. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2610 The big guy asked me to deliver this to you personally. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2611 Here's our resignation, we're going to Vegas. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2612 It's the only way I can safely ask out co-workers. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2613 I wrote the article, you boob! He's just a dummy with his hand up my butt. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2614 Jenkins, you pressed "reply all" with your snide little comment about me, yet somehow I'm the dummy? 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2615 Now whose the dummy?!? 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2616 Talk to the hand... He's got something to say. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2617 This is my speech at the Awards dinner. Punch it up." 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2618 We are providing the short form only. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2619 Looks like we're trading places. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2620 Can you explain this note you wrote that says Bob is a dummy? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2621 We don't like what you've been Tweeting about corporate puppets, Jonathan. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2622 You can disregard the old memo. Some other dummy wrote it. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2623 See, Dan? This white paper shows our 'Boss Hitler' puppets are killing it with kids. It's ironic fascism! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2624 In laying you off, I've taken a page out of 'Downsizing for Dummies.' 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2625 He told me not to say anything,but this to-do list is ridiculous. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2626 Sign this, you annoying stupid idiot! Pay no attention to the big man behind me. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2627 Just sign this form stating that you will no longer speak for yourself. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2628 Welcome to the office. We like to have fun around here. 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
2629 We have a saying at the Acme Ventroliquist's Dummy Corporation - get your partner's hand out of your butt and get back to work! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2630 It’s the absolute best memo of all time. Ever. Trust me. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2631 Not any dummy can make it in business, let me tell ya. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2632 You don't have to ask me twice 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2633 The boss is too embarrassed to tell you but he's given you a reference 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2634 Did you believe him when he said “I won’t fire you”? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2635 Hey idiot, here is the report. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2636 I assure you we recognize the severity of this complaint. Show me on the man where he touched you. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2637 This font is too big! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2638 Too wooden 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2639 Ah, which one of you dummies wrote this? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2640 You have the right to remain silent,and any dummy may be used against you. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2641 I know this is difficult news, but i felt it was important to deliver it in person. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2642 Here is a dummy memo from HR for you. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2643 Here is the next chapter for 'Post-Its for Dummies'. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2644 For reasons which I cannot specify, you are now the boss. Congratulations. Now fire me, sign this, then fire him. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2645 It's from the President...you are fired. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2646 Can you pin this on the wall for me. My arms don't move. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2647 For reasons that should be obvious, please stop heading your reports with the words, "Dummy Figures." 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2648 Here's that copy you asked for. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2649 Take this assignment or the guy behind me gets it. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2650 Bad news for you, Jack. We're downsizing your department. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2651 I take it that this pink sheet of paper isn't my Hogwarts acceptance letter? 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2652 It’s bring your son to work week and here’s a list of what my father wants you to do today. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2653 What do you mean you liked my old way of micro managing better? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2654 You're promoted. You are the only one in this company not giving lip service. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2655 Seems like your employee satisfaction survey was filled out by a dummy. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2656 How about another little tidbit from " Anonymous Source ". 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2657 The shareholders didn't laugh either. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2658 Is this what you think passes for a dummy corporation? 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2659 Are you the dummy who sent out this memo? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2660 I'm sorry your bonus is so meagre, but we're a little short this year. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2661 Our outside consultant recommends a raise for upper management. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2662 Here is a list of my demands and numbers 1 through 7 are the same: "Stop calling me a mouth-piece" 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2663 I’m filing a formal complaint. I can’t seem to get this guy outta my business. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2664 Two hundred pieces of paperwork to get me on his hand, and he still doesn’t think bureaucracy is silly! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2665 Wilson, downsizing starts today, so I need you to process Big Tom's severance immediately. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2666 That's what I said. You're a dummy. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2667 The company is downsizing. First a dummy then a robot. Watch out! 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
2668 I hate to do this, but the big guys have me by the crotch. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
2669 Hate to tell ya, but corporate says we’re downsizing. 1.2162 0.04818 74 58 16 0
2670 Our corporate inventory-shrinkage policy. Don't make my mistake by violating it. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
2671 Don’t get me wrong, Johnson really appreciates the work you’re doing. It’s me that thinks you’re a pitiful excuse for an accountant. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
2672 New company policy Bill. Going forward, we're doing all prostate exams in-house. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2673 If you're going to insult me, do it right Jerry. I have a HAND up my ass, not a stick. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2674 I hate having to do the boss's dirty work, but you're fired. 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2675 As Trump’s new advisor, I’m going to have to ask you to sign this NDA, or “You’re fired”. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2676 We’ve been let go, but first we have to train our replacements. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2677 I said laminated, Jones! LAMINATED! 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2678 I'm sorry you have to work weekends, but the boss is really on my back about this. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2679 Here’s the schedule for my next non-speaking engagement. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2680 My computer crashed. Thank heaven for my back-up. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2681 When I suggested Office for Dummies, I didn’t mean this. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2682 You’re the puppet! You’re the puppet! Admit it. Sign here. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2683 I have a few small suggestions 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2684 Fake facts -- all of 'em. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2685 Edgar, you tell your puppet that this note from his "carpenter" is not good enough to excuse his absence here today! 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2686 He hates handing out pink slips, but he likes to keep his hand in. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2687 Here's my invoice. I know it's expensive, but he's the only consultant who understands me. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2688 Look, I'm the puppet master here, okay? 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2689 Just sitting in for Bill. You're fired. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2690 What do I look like, a Dummy?!!! 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2691 I'm not a dummy, Jim..hard to miss that your numbers are down again. Read my lips: I better see improvement next month. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2692 My contract says you're out and I'm now in charge. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2693 It's shorthand, dummy. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2694 If you know what's good for you, you better dummy up. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2695 Don't speak to me or my son ever again. 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2696 Here's the report you requested. Spoiler alert- he can't stand you. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2697 My lips are moving, but I’m clearly not communicating. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2698 You say he says I say they say. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2699 Blah, blah, blah.....read my lips - do you think I'm a dummy? 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2700 Workers didn't appreciate the new "Dummies for Dummies" program from corporate. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2701 The boss says he wants people to take more responsibility for their actions. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2702 Bad news, you're fired. Good news, his lips barely moved. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2703 Johnson!! No excuses, this looks like it was written by a dummy 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2704 Please hand me a glass of water before I read your performance review. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2705 Do you take me for some kind of dummy? 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2706 Our legal practice specializes in setting up dummy corporations. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2707 Puppet? No puppet. You're the puppet! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2708 Hey! My eyes are down here! 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2709 Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! Haha! Anyhoo, corporate wants me to pass this on... 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2710 Explain to us just what you find amusing about “There once were two dummies named ‘boss’ . . .” 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2711 Here’s your pink slip. Now who’s the dummy? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2712 Always, Sam, duplicate copies! 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2713 Sorry, I have a sore throat. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2714 You said to give the letter to you dummied up. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2715 Nigel's letter of resignation... 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2716 This is our new non-confrontational ways of handing out pink slips. Been nice to know you! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2717 I rewrote your report. There's no use of us both being dummies. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2718 Have you seen these quarterly reports?! I feel like I’ve got a bunch of dummies working here! 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2719 How many times do I have to tell you to dumb this down for the boss. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2720 Nothing personal, just cutting dead wood. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2721 The Muppets weren't available. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2722 This report is so bad that even a dummy like me could've written it! 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2723 In accordance with Supreme Court decisions recognizing legal entities as people, I, Mister Woodenhead, am suing you. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2724 I'm downsizing everyone! 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2725 Here is a memo from our dummy corporation 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2726 The results are in from the "Management for Dummies" course. You failed. 1.2121 0.07002 66 57 4 5
2727 Alexa version 0.1, the Prototype 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2728 I agree. Your hands are huge. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2729 Mini-Dave submits his sexual harassment complaint against Dave to HR 1.2121 0.06660 66 56 6 4
2730 I found this suicide note in Big Larry's desk. I think someone should talk to him. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2731 I'm tired of being middle management! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2732 Don't look at him, I just finished your performance report this morning. It speaks for itself. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2733 You will notice: Woodchuck, it and the D word, are not on the list of appropriate pronouns to use when addressing me. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2734 My new contract has left me speechless. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2735 As his attorney, I exclusively will speak on his behalf in response to your outrageous challenge. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2736 Sir, with all due respect, I don't think ventriloquism is as popular as you think. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2737 At least have the courage to fire me directly. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2738 We’re not downsizing. He just wants to see less of you. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2739 After reading your report, I have to ask: Who's the dummy now? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2740 Here's your slander subpoena. Now who's a 'dummy'? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2741 Our government was always run by dummies! What else is new? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2742 He’s been genetically modified so his nose won’t grow. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2743 Schneider, if you don't get these corrections made before Simmons gets his hand out of my ass, somebody's going to be looking for a job! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2744 May I ask, is this the right office to get a copy of my birth certificate? 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2745 Drexel! Here, in writing, is the 3D printer resolution. Get it right this time! 1.2121 0.06660 66 56 6 4
2746 Help me! I am a captive by this anal retentive jerk. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2747 I'm your new administrative assistant. Can you drink water and speak at the same time? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2748 Hi, I'm Bob's support dummy, and this is your termination notice . 1.2121 0.06660 66 56 6 4
2749 Don't be offended, HR told me that this doesn't count as micromanaging so... 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2750 I get that you're unhappy--but you could've at least told me to my face. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2751 Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2752 Great job, just add something about how Bob deserves most of the credit. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2753 I Cc’ed my puppet on this one 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2754 Can you translate shorthand into NetLingo? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2755 Sorry, you're being downsized .... 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2756 I can't speak for anyone else, but I think your proposal looks good. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2757 He hates firing people. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2758 I was asked to help prove to you that even a dummy can understand this latest memo from HR. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2759 J.R. said to give you this pink slip. He couldn't face you 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2760 The letter speaks for itself!!! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2761 Can you tweet this to Donald Trump? 1.2121 0.06660 66 56 6 4
2762 My life coach told me to 'be present', so here I am, and here he is. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2763 I promise my client will no longer expose his wood to colleagues. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2764 Have you tried out our new file compression system yet? 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2765 Congratulations, you've been promoted. Now get some lotion on those hands and report to my office stat! 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2766 Meeting with the Chair-Man and CEO 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2767 This is a notice that anyone who puts words in my mouth again is fired! 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2768 We need another hand with this. 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2769 I told you I would find that budget report... Who's the dummy now? Huh? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2770 You can’t kill the dummy messenger! 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2771 I'm just a puppet like you--regretting to inform you that your position has been eliminated. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2772 We're implementing a new way to deliver personal memos, we call him "Bad News Barry". All we have for you is the list of potential clients you asked for, and your wife just called asking for a divorce. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2773 What a corporate puppet. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2774 I asked him to trim his nails. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2775 I liked it better when I only had to pretend to respect one puppet. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2776 This isn't enough. We need to put on a show for the client. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2777 Can you submit my caption to this week's New Yorker contest? 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2778 If you got a problem with it you’ll have to take it to the big guy himself. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
2779 I don’t like breaking bad news to people, but I’d like to introduce you to Pink Slip Mike. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
2780 Ummm, That’s not what we meant when we said we need to downsize the workforce 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
2781 Your vacation has not been approved, you will not receive a raise this year and the my new assistant got the promotion you wanted. Please direct any questions to my assistant. 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
2782 This is just a little reminder 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
2783 We're scaling down the company. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
2784 We don't know what it's about, but we have this pink slip for you. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
2785 Yeah, I got the memo. He’s the dummy. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2786 While I appreciate you hiring me, I find my job description to be demeaning. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2787 The HR system is down or I would have filed this complaint online. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2788 Are you sure you wrote this, Johnson? Because they sure as hell don't sound like your words. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2789 Here's an order to disconnect me from the puppeteer. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2790 You have small hands. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2791 You don't deserve the full attention of management. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2792 Here's my list of demands. First one is that you get this co-worker's hand out of my ass. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2793 "This assignment undermines my innate talents." He made me say it. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2794 I'm the guy who called earlier about Donald Trump's net worth. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2795 Don’t ask how I got this job. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2796 I still don't see why our wife has left us. 1.2090 0.06568 67 57 6 4
2797 And if you don't like it, talk to the hand. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2798 I'm replacing Frank...budget cuts. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2799 Mike, if you've got to fire me that's fine, but please don't do it like this. 1.2090 0.05004 67 53 14 0
2800 It’s not me!! It’s you!! 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2801 He says since Twitter's down, I have to tell you that you're fired. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2802 Looky here at what I found in my back pants pocket. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2803 Not dummy! Call me press secretary. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2804 He doesn't have the guts to do it so I have to give you this. Good luck on your next job. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2805 I've completed your psychological profile. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2806 Here’s the list of untraceable, animated porn sites. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2807 This is from Corporate. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2808 I'll settle down when I don't have this dummy's hand up my ass!!! 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2809 New company policy: Everyone in the office gets a prostate exam when they turn 50. 1.2090 0.06568 67 57 6 4
2810 This is a copy of our new sexual harassment policy. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2811 Here is my resignation. Since you fired him, you will have to find yourself another dummy. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2812 Tired of hearing his name grumbled around the water cooler, Mr. O'Donnell finally hired an outside micro-manager. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2813 "HR is taking more of a hands-in, er, hands-off approach to the dress code". 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2814 I'm Dr. Woodhead, the new Director of Human Resources. We are implementing some new rules regarding inappropriate behavior in the workplace. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2815 Please don't fire the messenger. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2816 It says right here in my contract that you can't fire me because I look like Hitler. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2817 The toilet is clogged. It wasn't me. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2818 I took a page out of "Interoffice Backstabbing for Dummies. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2819 Your tiny hand is not acceptable in this workplace. Please follow these instructions and dispose of it properly. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2820 Your silent partner has a list of ideas. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2821 My client objects to the small font. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2822 I can't make the meeting today. Can you say this for me? 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2823 I did not realize that providing a suggestion would make me this uncomfortable. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
2824 No I'm not, you're the dummy! 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2825 He's afraid of offending someone so he speaks through me now. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2826 The woodpeckers are threatening a takeover. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2827 It might be a bit hard to read because my assistant here takes dictation with his left hand. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2828 The stiff lipped dummy behind me says you're fired. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2829 Here! Firsthand information. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2830 You are not the puppet, I am the puppet 1.2059 0.06478 68 58 6 4
2831 If you had someone's hand up your butt, wouldn't you scream? 1.2059 0.06130 68 57 8 3
2832 Phil, this is your third citation for failing to participate in “Bring Your Miniaturized Clone to Work Day.” 1.2059 0.05366 68 55 12 1
2833 I overheard you need a little help. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2834 Looking back, Gary could clearly identify when his boss reached his breaking point. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2835 I’m practicing to be a ventriloquist. Read this note aloud and tell me if you see my lips moving. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2836 How to Break it to Your Coworker: A Guide to Vantriloquitting 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2837 I read your latest memo, and it's SHIT! SHIT! Don't look at him, look at me! LOOK AT ME! 1.2059 0.06130 68 57 8 3
2838 Look I'm not trying to micro-manage you here, but I'll need this resubmitted in a different font. 1.2059 0.06130 68 57 8 3
2839 So corporate is sending you for sensitivity training. You can’t call someone ‘dummy’ just because their lips move when they shouldn’t. 1.2059 0.04940 68 54 14 0
2840 Here’s the paperwork. I’d like my hand back 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2841 I might be speaking out of line here, sir, but you seem a bit up your own... 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2842 It’s official. All managers have to read “Ventriloquism for Dummies”. 1.2059 0.06130 68 57 8 3
2843 From one dummy to another. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
2844 "And you thought I was redundant". 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
2845 I really appreciate these miniature pieces of paper Todd. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2846 It's not him telling you where to stuff this. It's me. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2847 Listen, I’m the good guy here. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2848 Do I look like a dummy to you? ...Don't answer that, or you're fired. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2849 Not even a blockhead could understand this! 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2850 No matching ties today? 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2851 Are you the guy that said I'm a dummy? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2852 Big problems in small claims court 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2853 I'm nailing this to the cathedral door. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2854 The work of modern day psychologists. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2855 Look at whats written...made of 100% American parts." "...But what about that Russian hand that's clearly shoved up your backside? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2856 They know you’ve been skimming. But you didn’t hear it from me! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2857 I’m willing to vouch for his expense report. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2858 You reached up and pulled this straight out of your ass, Johnson - I would know 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2859 A manifesto about my right to keep silent. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2860 Be honest, it's not like I'm his right-hand man. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2861 Your lab report is terrible. He'd tell you himself, but he'd rather not. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2862 Hey Carl, I was hoping you could dumb this down a little. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2863 I hope you can see that neither of us really has a choice here. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2864 The Email for Dummies jokes are getting old. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2865 Is there anyone in our audience tonight who has recently lost a compromising letter that could be used to destroy him? Hmm? 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2866 It’s derivative and we’re asking you step outside your comfort zone on the rewrite. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2867 This is a warrant for your arrest. Who's the dummy now? 1.2031 0.06748 64 55 5 4
2868 Just a head's up: my self-review is a little short. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2869 This is not what I meant. You're putting works in my mouth. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2870 Here's another memo about nothing. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2871 Don't listen to the idiot behind me, this is a critical message to all the dummies out there. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2872 I would like to file a formal HR complaint: I hope boss has called me a "dummy" for the last time. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2873 Awkward?? I'm giving him the next pink slip. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2874 HR is asking that you stop playing computer games during break, and instead develop a freakish talent. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2875 And here I thought the workers were the puppets. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2876 What in the actual fuck, Bob 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2877 You're fired. Your communication skills are pathetic. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2878 Ted, I was kidding about downsizing. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2879 I got a confession from the butt-xeroxer, sir. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2880 Just between you and me here"s some dummy to dummy advise. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2881 Explain this note calling me a dummy that appears to be in your handwriting? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2882 I couldn't be the bearer of bad news myself. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2883 We argued vehemently against your dismissal, but the empty suits upstairs wouldn't have it. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2884 I set up a dummy corporation so we we can avoid sanctions. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2885 No favoritism, of course, but I’d like you for to consider Jack’s CV for an internship. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2886 He thinks the restraining order is a joke. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2887 Please review this little memo on workforce reduction. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2888 I can so say rintout 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2889 Hey buddy, this is from the guy pulling the strings 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2890 Why would this have anything to do with Andrew Cohen? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2891 This what you meant when you told Bob, here, to right-size it? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2892 Bobby says if you send him one more post it note he will kill you. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2893 I liked the article. He, however,regardless had a few more corrections. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2894 Geez Larry, was this report written by or for a dummy? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2895 I can not vote. I have no Russian freinds 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2896 Here is my memo requesting a less intrusive chair. 1.2031 0.06748 64 55 5 4
2897 I'm Outreach, from "Computers for Dummies", and I'm here for your house call. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2898 I am sorry that I have to deliver your pink slip on behalf of your boss. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2899 Sorry to gain entrance this way, but I am a process server. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2900 Just keep quiet about this bill for tiny suits and ties. You’ll get a big bonus; no strings attached. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2901 Achtung! you vill reed and heed dis memo. Pay no attention to the volk standing behind me! He is dee pupet here not me! 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2902 This guy said to give you this... 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2903 These are the edicts from the big guy. Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2904 You're fired, dummy! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2905 What? You think I’m the real puppet here? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2906 Stop staring at my little hands - I have big, beautiful ideas here! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2907 He's the dummy and I'm the ventriloquist. I invented him to catty me around and it turned into a profitable act. Here's my Robotics degree to prove it. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2908 I'm breaking our contract for a partner with bigger hands. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2909 Please pin this on the board for me, my other arm is flaccid. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2910 Not only is the new Constitution Twitter-friendly, it's also in Russian. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2911 You can argue all you want, but I think this speaks for itself. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2912 My computer’s down. I’m delivering my tweets by hand. I 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2913 Monday morning lowpoint - taking orders from the boss's comfort ventriloquist puppet 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2914 It's Take-Our-Daughters-And-Sons-Doll-To-Work-Day. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
2915 "Do this, do that..." Sometimes I feel like I'm the real puppet in this place. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2916 Sorry for the summons, but this one's pulling the strings here. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2917 I put it in writing because I don't want to say it. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2918 Here is a list of cool nicknames that Walter would like you to share with everyone. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2919 Now Johnson, you know I hate to micromanage you… 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2920 Conceptually, I've replaced all of middle management. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2921 Why can't Dennis be my supervisor? We don't even sleep in the same bed. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2922 How do you know he read 'Management for Dummies'? 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
2923 To answer your e-mail: No, I am not a dummy. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2924 Mini Me Mail 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2925 Good morning Eliot. The President appointed me to be your new Director. You're fired! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2926 Thank you for applying. I've just accepted the position of Chief Counsel. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2927 "Your Pink Slip"....and I'm NOT a puppet of the CEO! 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2928 This message is from ME. Not from anybody else. It is from ME. Got it? 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2929 My Mouthpiece says I don’t have to testify at my trial. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2930 Sorry to let you go, but we're downsizing. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2931 No, it doesn’t make getting fired easier. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2932 Don't call me a dummy. I'm not President Trump. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2933 Can you explain this apparent dummy account? 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2934 He thought you should really read this report. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2935 It's a facsimile. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2936 I am your new messaging APP. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2937 Woody off today? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2938 Micromanaging 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2939 This is my letter of recommendation. The dummy holding me will make an excellent spokesman for your product. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2940 Charley, i'm quitting, but I need your help. Can you read this resignation letter without moving your lips. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2941 I'm in the midst of a 10-day silent meditation - Tiny Ted does have that document you requested though. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2942 It's nothing to do with your small hands -- you're fired. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2943 Hi, I'm Rudy. He paid the porn star. No he didn't. Never met her. There was no collusion. 1.2031 0.06748 64 55 5 4
2944 I know you asked for Tuesday off, but you gotta talk to the Big Guy about that. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2945 We find your inclusion of the term “diminishing marginal product” here abusive. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2946 Since my coworker is consistently touching me in an inappropriate manner, I have no choice but to file this complaint. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2947 I'll take the blame of this late report, so if you will, fire me instead. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2948 Don't blame me - my surrogate fired you. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2949 I’m getting reports that you’re calling the boss a dummy! 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
2950 I don't think this is enough to wipe my ASS and his fingers.. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2951 One day I think we’ll all look back on this and laugh 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2952 Who referred to me as a dummy ? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2953 Read my lips... I'm sorry, this pink slip is not my doing. 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2954 The order I submitted clearly states I wanted a human with a mustache. 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2955 No, I don’t know if it’s fake news, but do you have a better alternative fact? 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2956 'Don't blame the messenger! His hands were tied.' 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2957 I'm submitting my resignation because I don't like being told what to do all the time! 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
2958 So Scott told me you were my Secret Santa this year... 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
2959 I need you to deliver my speech this afternoon. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2960 It's part of Trump's new Government Puppet Initiative. 1.2029 0.06715 69 60 4 5
2961 The board's decided to shrink the payroll. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
2962 It's an opinion piece. I can't speak for others. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
2963 What did you do, pull this report out of your control stick? 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2964 I’m from corporate. You’re fired. 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2965 I'd like full time employment and a living wage. 1.2000 0.06651 65 56 5 4
2966 Looks as though I’ve been made redundant. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2967 I have a sawdust leak. We need you to approve a termite inspection. 1.2000 0.05000 65 52 13 0
2968 Word from the big office -- your department will be downsized by the end of the week. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2969 Here are my review comments for your first draft of "Ventriloquism for Dummies". 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2970 You think you can get rid of me just by shrinking me? Here is your resignation, have it on my desk by morning. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2971 500 dollars to cure a little wood rot? 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2972 How do you expect me to send you emails, I'm a dummy! 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2973 I have a little advice for you... 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2974 As you can see here, my client already has hands in almost everywhere. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2975 I told him this note should be on pink paper, but he didn't say anything. 1.2000 0.05000 65 52 13 0
2976 It's breaking news from his lips to mine; you're fired! 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2977 It's not pink, but you are done calling me a dummy! 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2978 Jones! I need these notes reformatted in an email to headquarters. You can use your own words, but make it sound like it’s coming from me. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2979 Ralph, this memo speaks for all of us. 1.2000 0.05000 65 52 13 0
2980 This document speaks for itself. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2981 The puppet association demands equal protection and equal pay! 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2982 There is no proof of collusion between me and this dummy. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2983 It's so you can shoot the messenger without the manslaughter charges this time. 1.2000 0.05000 65 52 13 0
2984 Your boss says this is a piece of crap. 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2985 He is too polite to say so himself, but the boss thinks your work stinks! 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2986 Sign this #nondisclosureagreement, or else. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2987 You didn't hear this from me, but your department has been eliminated. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2988 Read my lips -- no new tax forms. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2989 Here are the expenses I’ve approved for the big dummy behind me. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2990 HR is trying to add some levity to a serious situation. We'll be taking a survey after our downsizing is completed. 1.2000 0.06651 65 56 5 4
2991 Pink is so blasé. Here at Johnson and Sons, we want your departure to be a truly entertaining experience. 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2992 It's supposed to help with my communication skills 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2993 By what time did the Keebler elves need this spreadsheet? 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2994 Add a hyphen to 'micromanage'. 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2995 She handed me the divorce papers last night and said I was the real dummy if I didn’t understand why. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2996 Which of us pays a parking ticket sent to a dummy account? 1.2000 0.05000 65 52 13 0
2997 Pop quiz everyone, who has two thumbs and does not work here? Aah forget it. It’s you Carl, you’re fired. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2998 Peter wants to let everyone know that Human Resources been greatly diminished of late. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2999 Sorry you have to be let go, buddy, but we don’t pull the strings... 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
3000 HR says humor eases the pain of firings. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3001 I have no problem approving your raise, but he says we can’t afford it! 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
3002 The proctologist's bill includes splinter removals 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3003 No one in HR wanted to be the one to tell you, so as HR's spokesperson, I'm here to tell you that your services are no longer needed. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3004 I write my own lines 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3005 The Vice President for Human Resources wanted to personally hand you your pink slip. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3006 This note says that fake news should always be delivered by a fake newscaster. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3007 He said he hasn’t the nerve to fire you, so I will. 1.2000 0.05000 65 52 13 0
3008 Under HR policy 591, puppet discrimination is strictly prohibited 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3009 It’s my way of implementing the 80/20 rule in the workplace. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
3010 Take my word for it . . . you’re being downsized by our dummy corporation! 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
3011 No, the dummy is definitely cursed. It just makes firing people much easier. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
3012 Mark Zuckerberg sent over this new FaceBook agreement. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
3013 this absolves my master from any liability 'cause it ain't him talkin' 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
3014 Executive Succession Planning 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
3015 Is this all making sense, Doug? 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
3016 I’m here to inform you that this is your last day. You’re being replaced by a robot puppet. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
3017 We’re all out of pens 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
3018 I don’t mean to throw my voice but I asked you to sign this three days ago. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
3019 Congratulations. Your awkward business skills have won you this Dummy of the Month award. 1.1970 0.04933 66 53 13 0
3020 "Fleshy here says the Smith contract is not up to par. And why do your lips move all the time"? 1.1970 0.04933 66 53 13 0
3021 Of course I know a typo when I see one. What do you think I am , a dummy? 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
3022 For the last time Bob, we do not micromanage our employees here. 1.1967 0.05132 61 49 12 0
3023 Whadda think boss, think we can get away with making the fake news more realistic? 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
3024 I didn’t really write this. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3025 Personally, I'd veto this proposal, but we're joined at the lip. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3026 Didn't you get my memo? It's "bring your mini-me to work" day. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3027 Did you get the memo about downsizing? 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3028 Can you believe this dentist bill? 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3029 They want a million for the return of your dummy -- but we'll get him back, I promise. I know a thing or two about dummies. Stay close to the phone, and keep them talking if they call. It's going to take a bit longer to trace a ventriloquist. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3030 this job is perfect for me. I grew up learning how to get the best of my employees. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3031 I HATE it when people go behind my back and pull strings to get the job done. 1.1935 0.06837 62 54 4 4
3032 I need you to implement my "Corporate Synergies for Dummies" strategy. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3033 No sir. He does not make being fired better. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3034 It’s just going to make this easier to say for him. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3035 I’m Going To Need This By Next Friday, My Therapist Said So. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3036 No one's got YOUR back so we're letting you go. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3037 My source tells me that nothing improper has been done. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3038 Safety glasses. We all must wear safety glasses. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3039 Sorry, Charles. We are downsizing. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3040 This is for HR .It's my complaint against my cubicle mate .He's a little handsy...#mini-me too. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3041 So what happened to dependent coverage? 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3042 One thing, Jim, so I don't get carried away... 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3043 These are the speeches you must make and one involves drinking water at the same time. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3044 Dean Junior says “No tenure for you fancy Business Professor. Bye.Bye.” 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3045 I'm sure you empathize. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3046 This shows that I'm a registered shyness support device. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3047 “Our bosses are dummies,” you say? 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3048 Here's my resume. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3049 I think this proposal speaks for itself, sir. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3050 Invitation to Join from the Washington Small Hands Club 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3051 We'll have to let you go today due to downsizing, very sorry. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3052 I know this looks strange, but Stan didn't fire you, I did! 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3053 I want my money back. The ad said he had a moustache. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3054 I need to postpone jury duty service. He has laryngitis. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3055 (sung to the tune of: "I'm a Little Teapot") I'm a little Hitler, short and stout, Here is your pink slip: Guess what? - Get out! 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3056 I have the termite inspection and I'm not happy. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3057 Can you push out this posting for my new assistant-preferably someone who won’t require too much hands on training. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3058 We charge double for our lip service 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3059 Yes, Mister Man, I wrote this while he drank a glass of water. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3060 Your suggestion of cutting middle management has been denied. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3061 If you want a friend here, get a puppet. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3062 Little notes from little people... 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3063 Don’t shoot the messenger. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3064 Will you slip this restraining order into his coat pocket? It seems he has both hands too busy up my butt to accept it. 1.1935 0.06837 62 54 4 4
3065 My handler demands that you tell him why the annual renewal of his Ventriloquist License was rejected. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3066 These better be your own words. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3067 This isn't quite how I imagined automation going. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3068 Speaking on behalf of management, you're fired. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3069 No more double talk. I’m done with downsizing. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3070 The big guy needs you to stay late tonight to finish this report. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3071 Frankly, I don’t see why it would be of any concern to Human Resources.... 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3072 HR: So, Bill..... You seem to have everybody wrapped around your finger. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3073 President Trump needs you to sign this loyalty oath, non-disclosure agreement and surrender your integrity. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3074 McDougal wants your department downsized too. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3075 Here are the notes for the meeting. Make sure you bring Little Ted. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3076 Could you rewrite this in my voice for publication? 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3077 Mr. Kushner, the steely, silent Special Counsel behind me says, "You've been served!" 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3078 Smedley's hand? Damn! And all this time, I thought it was constipation. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3079 You're fired! Now you'll never call me a dummy again! 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3080 I can only carry this company for so long. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3081 ...Und did you not get zeh memo about putting zeh new cover sheets on your TPS reports? Vell, did you?! 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3082 One dreadful Monday Ted's worst nightmares converged into a horrifying reality. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3083 I'm a dummy? You're the one in a cubicle. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3084 I'm a jack of all trades. I can even be a paper weight. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3085 Be careful touching this report. Look where his hand has been. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3086 If I got you a giant butler, Jennings, I’d have to get EVERY employee a giant butler. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3087 That’s certainly a novel way of getting your complaint to the top of the queue. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3088 Its your speech for the gullibility awards tonight. Congratulations! 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3089 You’re getting a tiny increase this year. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3090 I personally do not agree with what you are saying so, I’ll let my subconscious do the talking instead. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3091 It's come to my attention that he forgot to fire you three years ago. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3092 I found your little memo. So you think I'm a dummy do you. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3093 I propose we make Davis my successor. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3094 Yes, the big guy is with me; here's his I.D.! 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3095 Not quite the short form invoice I was expecting. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3096 You know that we’re downsizing, Frank. I’m sorry, but there’s no more room for you in this organization anymore. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3097 Disappointing results force me to shrink my position. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3098 Murphy here, put his time into this company and now has his hand up my ass. If you keep your nose to the grindstone, someday you can have your hand up his ass. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3099 You don't know me, but I know you. Quote this and cite an anonymous source. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3100 These third-party consultants really streamline the firing process 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3101 I told them I’d make a new hire wthout outsourcing. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3102 What dummy wrote this? 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3103 I'm sick of this ventriloquist gig. Find me a job as a mime 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3104 Boss, who's this man holding you? 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3105 I think I can speak for myself about the contract. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3106 Go ahead, shoot the messenger. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3107 I didn't want to do it. He did. "You're fired" 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3108 I don't see any carpenters listed on my HMO. 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
3109 I'm going to need these numbers ventrilo-quick. 1.1935 0.06837 62 54 4 4
3110 It’s my job to tell that you’re fired, but please don’t “kill the messenger.” 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3111 And further more I should have been at least a finalist in last weeks contest. 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3112 You revised my whole poem! Where do you editors get the idea you can put words in my mouth? 1.1935 0.05058 62 50 12 0
3113 ‘From one dummy to another, here’s your walking paper!’ 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
3114 Turns out, you're the dummy. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3115 Bob began to question using puppets at the office sensitivity trainings. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
3116 I swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. 1.1905 0.06343 63 54 6 3
3117 So he's your verified source? 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
3118 Don't worry. He only speaks when he's told to. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
3119 He can't talk so I wrote it out for him. 1.1905 0.05476 63 52 10 1
3120 It says right here you are not to refer to the oaken as wooden people. 1.1905 0.05476 63 52 10 1
3121 Clearly you’re no dummy... this report speaks for itself. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
3122 this was HRs idea for improving morale 1.1905 0.06343 63 54 6 3
3123 This DNA test says otherwise. Tell him, Dad. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
3124 Here are a list of expenses, and remember, he was eating for two. 1.1905 0.04987 63 51 12 0
3125 They handed me my walking papers. We have been downsized! 1.1905 0.05476 63 52 10 1
3126 I'm raising funds for the middle men's convention, it's a must occasion. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
3127 I told you, IM NOT A DUMMY, DUMMY 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
3128 Mini me is giving you a mini-message 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
3129 If you don't accept his demands, he says he will ram his arm up your butt! 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
3130 Hello, Peter. Um, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great, mmm-k… Oh, oh, and I almost forgot, ahh ... I’m also gonna need you to not call me a dummy, 'kay? 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
3131 I believe this is yours? 1.1875 0.06635 64 56 4 4
3132 You’re gonna hear from my dad! 1.1875 0.04917 64 52 12 0
3133 The most important part of radical transparency is direct feedback. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3134 He is proposing a weekly Howdy Doody hour. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3135 You’ll be working with me from now on, but don’t breathe a word. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3136 Which dummy wrote this proposa? 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3137 I’m initiating our downsizing policy. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3138 After the comedy show, Adolf took things in hand at the office,. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3139 We’re asking for your help in the fight against termites in the workplace. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3140 I'm not one to complain, but..... 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3141 You look at ME, now, Stan. Now read damn memo. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3142 While the boss is on vacation, I'll be the one in charge here. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3143 So YOU'RE the dummy writing these wooden one liners! 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3144 You'll see I have very little job experience. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3145 Help! I am being manipulated. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3146 The new 'Remote Management Program' has some bugs to work out 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3147 Get off your back?!? 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3148 look, I said downsizing works. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3149 Wow, no generic Viagra for me! 1.1864 0.07038 59 52 3 4
3150 Read the contract Sol. It says no more gigs with Mr. Cold Hands! 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3151 As part of our diversity training, I am reviewing with each employee the important highlights of appropriate conduct with SWPs, Simulated Wooden People. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3152 I told you, this is my birth certificate - short form. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3153 I know what you're thinking: 'Won't this guy get off my back?' 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3154 You there ! Update our website with these names of big people I hate. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3155 The Boss decided it was cheaper to replace you with a puppet. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3156 It’s a petition to make Movember last all year long. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3157 Send all the memos you want. P C Vey still can't draw noses. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3158 Its not worth talking about. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3159 My outer child has written you a note. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3160 Hi, I'm Alan, your special supervisory AI. Please read this list of protocols carefully. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3161 Apparently, you didn’t get the memo mandating petty tyrants in the workplace . 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3162 You're fired. Also, do you know any GOOD proctologists? 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3163 I detest being called a micro manager. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3164 I'm sorry to let you go Bob... But don't complain to me, complain to the guy in charge. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3165 These are my demands. Don’t make me have to read them to you! 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3166 Guess who (or what) has passed you in our corporate hierarchy? 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3167 Of course, I'm no dummy. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3168 I can't read this. Put it on microfiche. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3169 This has to be the dumbest memo you have ever sent me! 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3170 Here are the sales figures for last month, and yes, Herman still isn't speaking to you. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3171 It says right here that regardless of style you shouldn't have removed my eyes and made my nose end on my left jaw. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3172 Who are you calling 'Any dummy?' 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3173 He's blind and can throw his braille 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3174 I'm filing a verbal abuse complaint against every person in this office who has called me a dummy! 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3175 This official statement will stop you putting words in my mouth. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3176 Give this man a raise! 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3177 Damn it, Frank. I said a gottle of geer for the Christmas party, you incompetent gastard. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3178 Some things are better heard from a third party 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3179 Do you like my new mustache? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3180 Can you take care of this report? I can't trust the rest of these dummies. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3181 I'm searching for a new spokesman". 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3182 I would have let these figures slide in the past, Johnson, but management’s got their hands in everything these days. We’re asking 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3183 Can you give me a hand? 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3184 Here is my list on grievances to file with HR about Bob. 1. Hand is up my... 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3185 You're fired. Let's see who the dummy is now. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3186 It's a pink slip, dummy. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3187 And you will henceforth cease and desist from referring to our CEO as a dummy. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3188 I'm a process server, and here's a summons and complaint against you for stealing lunches out of the refrigerator. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3189 When you testify, remember you did not talk to the CEO about this. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
3190 Wow, I ordered him weeks ago! 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3191 Downsized again. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3192 This is my recommendation letter from POTUS. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3193 This memo falsely accuses me of talking out both sides of my mouth. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
3194 He's too shy, so I do all the talking for him. Here's his resume. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
3195 Everything that is going on here is explained on the paper. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
3196 If you find anything wrong with this report, just remember--the guy standing behind me had nothing to do with it. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3197 P.R thought I'd be less confrontational! 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3198 He always dummies up when he has to give pink slips. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3199 I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re fired. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3200 He's too chicken to fire you, but I at least will offer to buy your soul. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3201 And by the way, I know you ordered "Project Management for Dummies" on work time. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3202 Here is the subpoena sent over by someone from the government. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3203 You's be grumpy too if Mr. Pickle Fingers here had his hand up your bottom. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3204 I' m Rudy Giuliani. I speak for him, not to him. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3205 Vote for Larry for our office union representative. He’s got your back. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3206 This script makes me feel like a dummy! 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3207 You've created a little furor by not speaking out. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3208 Doc, I told you that I am not the one with laryngitis! 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3209 I’ve put together a proposal on how Steve could still keep his job, despite the company downsizing. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3210 Your pre-employment physical requires a colonoscopy .. Really? 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3211 I refuse to respond to messages addressed to "Dummy" 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3212 My April expense form 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3213 HR just sent the new guidelines. Bacically, keep your hands away from anywhere his are right now. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3214 I want to hear it in your own words. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3215 Wanted to speak for myself, so here’s the answer to your email. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3216 I won't be there for the speech so you'll need to get these points on the teleprompter so this dummy can read them! 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3217 I’ve prepared something for you to sing at the company talent contest. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3218 Regarding your standing desk memo—I'd like to set the bar very low. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3219 As his attorney, I advise you to send all future correspondence to me. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3220 Who are you calling dummy? You're the one who left me off the company email list again. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3221 I see you didn’t get the memo about Bring Your Tiny Clone to Work Day. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3222 Look Jim - could we cut out the middleman? 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3223 It's your termination notice for having proportionally small hands. I'm still looking for any others. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3224 You are hereby served with our Summons and Complaint for our lawsuit, but don't worry too much, it's Small Claims 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3225 I know this is a New Yorker cartoon, but I just can't think of a good enough caption to enter this week's contest. 1.1833 0.06926 60 53 3 4
3226 We have a little problem here. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3227 As Chairman of the Board, I’d like to renegotiate our health insurance coverage to include woodworm. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3228 Don't look like that, I've read 'Writing for Dummies'! 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3229 Don't make me come over here again 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3230 Bob promises he'll speak for himself more if you let him go to Toastmasters. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3231 We can’t give you the raise, but thanks for this report. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3232 Mr. Donaldson thinks I shouldn't waste your time with this, but what does he know? 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3233 Did you call my memo "Empathy for Dummies"? 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3234 I think you are really special, but the guy behind me is going to fire your ass. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3235 From one dummy to another, here's my resignation .... and that goes for my buddy Marvin as well. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3236 I'm Charles with the IRS. You owe back taxes. I have a warrent for your arrest unless you are able to pay $5000 immediately. I will accept prepaid Home Depot gift cards or cash. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3237 I'm responsible for firing all the deadwood around here. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3238 He thought it would be easier to accept if you got your pink slip from one of the little people. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3239 Sir, the ventriloquy interview is down the hall. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3240 I filled this out for him; he can’t speak English. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3241 It seems Mr. Britches is here to lodge another formal complaint. He claims I micromanage and am always breathing down his neck. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3242 Hey, tiny hands, your boss asked little me to give you this itsy-bitsy pink slip. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3243 What do you mean I create a hostile work environment? 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3244 I am insulted by your instruction manual - Computers for D*mm*es 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3245 Well, Elon Musk says everybody should be able to speak for themselves! 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3246 So you think I micro manage do ya! 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3247 And this is 30 things your co-workers dislike about you, if you have any further questions, you talk directly to me. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
3248 I am here in response to your advertisement for immediate government positions "...only puppets, pawns, and mouthpieces with experience need apply." You will find my resume shows I have an upper-hand." 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3249 No puppet....no puppet.... 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3250 Anonymous has sent another list of demands. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
3251 No dummy, you're fired! 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3252 It's nothing personal. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
3253 Who’s the dummy now, Charlie? 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
3254 Email this to my friend Charlie McCarthy. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
3255 Stop complaining. It's just a little paperwork. 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
3256 Well, maybe he can't talk to you because of this NDA. But it doesn't cover me. So I can give you all the details about the latest White House scandal. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
3257 He worked for the puppet government 1.1803 0.04963 61 50 11 0
3258 I think it’s worth repeating what Gary just said about this crappy report of yours. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
3259 My boss lost his phone so here's a handwritten copy of his text: You're fired. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
3260 Our new corporate structure is based on Managing for Dummies. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
3261 I did not see his lips move. Say it! 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
3262 And in the event you view this claim as being without merit, witness the improper touching going on at this very moment. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
3263 Artificial intelligence at its best. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
3264 Please don’t shoot the messenger — it comes from the top. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
3265 That nasty boss of yours really bashed you in this annual review he needs you to initial. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
3266 You've been served, dummy. 1.1803 0.06405 61 53 5 3
3267 Here's the proposal, but be warned the numbers are dummy data. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
3268 We have a warrant to search your office. 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
3269 "Post this on Face Book". 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
3270 Sorry, but he’s not eligible for any travel reimbursements 1.1774 0.06308 62 54 5 3
3271 You call this snappy dialogue? I said knock off jokes; not knock-knock jokes. 1.1774 0.05405 62 52 9 1
3272 Sorry George, we saw your lips move. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3273 My client has a non-disclosure agreement that he cannot violate without a significant penalty. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3274 OK. Here is your stupid dummy invoice! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3275 Fred didn't know it was Passive-Aggressive Day at the office. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3276 Why does HR need to put their hands into everything. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3277 I wish to complain of inappropriate touching. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3278 I'm better at reading the fine print. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3279 I'm resigning. I'll no longer be your boy toy. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3280 Conflict Resolution in 2018 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3281 HR asked me to play-down your pink slip 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3282 I'm tired of reading your blog about office small talk! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3283 Geez, fired by a dummy 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3284 The guy behind me loves your report on Ventriloquism and Repressed Emotions - but I think it's crap! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3285 This memo is awful! Do you take me for a dummy? 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3286 Here's another worthless memo for your bulletin board, dummy. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3287 Uh oh... Double trouble. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3288 The big guy wants a glass of water so he can show you I can still talk while he’s drinking it. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3289 We figured this might ease the mood while we give out the pink slips. People like puppets, right? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3290 let the dummy speak 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3291 Every individual is at first a puppet; giving orders and a false ego, failing to see themselves and others as anything more. Only the eye of a simpleton can see the presence of the person hidden behind it. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3292 It's a new sexual harassment policy. Butt touching now O.K. under limited circumstances. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3293 I really don't care for your tone of voice. 1.1754 0.07134 57 51 2 4
3294 Effective immediately,all employees must wash hands with anti-microbial soap! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3295 I'm sorry, Jerry, but this is not up to me. Willie here has made the decision that you need to go. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3296 We took a vow of silence. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3297 The dummy has read the new health insurance plan and thinks you're going to like it. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3298 My band is playing this weekend if you're not busy. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3299 Look at this, Carl, some dummy printed single-sided. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3300 Nobody has the backbone for bad news around here, so here is your notice, Mr. Simmons. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3301 Memo from corporate IT: we're implementing a 2-factor authentication protocol for access to all intranet databases. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3302 Reading this report was more painful than my relationship with Roger! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3303 Each time you miss a deadline, boss gets smaller. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3304 I told you he's no dummy. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3305 Whadayou think I'm a dummy. How can these two suits cost the same. Mine is worsted and his is poly!! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3306 Blame the talking heads at corporate. Yours should arrive in six to eight weeks. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3307 I thought you were told to get rid of all redundancies. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3308 Here’s a dummy receipt. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3309 I'm not angry that you called me "Benjamin Butthole" in this email, but I am a little disappointed, man. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3310 Since you don't listen to me, or me, I put it in writing. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3311 You'd be cranky too if his hands were up yours....... 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3312 Pay attention! He knows how to fix it. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3313 It's time for peer reviews. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3314 Stan, the big guy wants you to know this is not coming from him. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3315 We told you going to HR about this was going to be a bad idea. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3316 You're a little bit fired. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3317 I'm serving you with divorce papers from your wife. The guy behind me will represent you. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3318 Can you help me with this caption contest? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3319 #Mini-Me Too. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3320 We're gonna need those TPS reports. So, if you could do that, that would be great... Thaaaaaanks. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3321 It's legit information, but I refuse no name my source. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3322 Yes. you are completely correct, you cannot be fired by a dummy. But, the invisible hand of the free-market can. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3323 I'm entitled to full benefits. The policy speaks for itself. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3324 Please accept my friend's request. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3325 I've done toying with the language, have a look. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3326 My friend wants to invite you to our performance at Chippendales Tuesday night. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3327 This is a hold up, dummy. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3328 Micromanaging turned this organization into a miserable place so from now on I will delegate my management responsibility to him. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3329 He's too chicken to fire you himself. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3330 Never mind he's an introvert with a mother complex, just read today's memo. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3331 My handler was speechless about your memo but I'm not! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3332 I thought I was the only puppet my boss had. 1.1754 0.07134 57 51 2 4
3333 He shrunk... but he’s still the boss. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3334 HR says you have to stop calling me Charlie McCarthy. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3335 It’s not that painful, his hands are small like ours. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3336 If you want better work, get this dummy off my back. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3337 Remember, everything here has to be done in duplicate! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3338 The employees of this company fearlessly refuse to stay silent in light of your new job site requirements! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3339 You keep changing this dummy’s script, and right now he’s got his thumb up my butt. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3340 Well, you've heard of mansplaining haven't you? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3341 Hey, I'm just following boss' orders! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3342 Yes, my hand is up his ass. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3343 We resign, you dummy 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3344 Think of this performance review as coming from him, not me. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3345 Big Brad is against it, but I'm going to need you to come in over the weekend. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3346 Tell the guy behind me I have the resume for his replacement. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3347 All of our news anchors have to read this statement while being held by a dummy. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3348 Here is my response to media reports that I am a dummy. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3349 Is this your report dummy? 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3350 You've been served. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3351 No, you can shoot the messenger this time. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3352 You didn't hear from him. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3353 I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3354 I know it was you who called me a 'dummy' in this anonymous letter. At least I'm man enough to confront you face-to-face! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3355 Don't brownnose me Watkins. I just need a hand. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3356 Comply with these demands or your boss gets it! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3357 I did not say this deal is no good, he did! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3358 I've got to hand it to you. 1.1754 0.07134 57 51 2 4
3359 It's the new company policy: no string-pulling without consent. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3360 how to do your work the right way for dummies 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3361 We're downsizing to a team of micro-managers...you're fired. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3362 It doesn't matter how minor the issue; we CC around here. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3363 There's no way Gary typed this nonsense with all the splinters in his fingers. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3364 The producers say they want another number for the second act - something warm and intimate. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3365 Now, this is Theodore, he too has small hands. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3366 Higgins!! You need to rewrite this quarterly report. It looks like it was written by a Dummy. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3367 What Bill is trying to say is that constant ridicule is creating a hostile environment in the workplace. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3368 He got upset when the guy called him a dummy and a block head. Here's his signed confession. Free the ventrioloquist. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3369 Another ransom note, and now he's armed. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3370 Just sign here and it will all be over, God be my witness. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3371 I preferred the sock puppet - it was more honest. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3372 S'alright! 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3373 This was supposed to be between the two of us! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3374 If you read this you won't see his lips move 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3375 My wife says I need to be more assertive. 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3376 It's the post truth era. Who cares who says what or what is said? I think, therefore it is. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3377 Do you find any one of your coworkers attractive? Please mark Yes, No, or Maybe. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3378 On for tonight? 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3379 In light of recent cutbacks, I need you to start printing on both sides of the paper 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3380 That dude with hands like mine told me I'd be a perfect fit for his legal team once I passed the Mini-Bar Exam. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3381 Here's my resignation--what about yours? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3382 Hi, I am Hugo, the proxy termination assistant of HR. Sorry for the inconvenience to deliver your layoff note in person. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
3383 Don't pay any attention to the guy behind me, I'm the boss around here. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3384 It's time you start thinking for yourself, Jenkins. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3385 I am lodging a formal complaint against Henry for telling the "wooden eye" joke in the break room. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3386 Where is your chin? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3387 This notice is really dumb. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3388 Is this downsizing memo supposed to be funny? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3389 We signed in duplicate like you asked, boss! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3390 Bob was so good Fred couldn’t tell if he was about to take an order from a dummy or a dwarf. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3391 Help! I'm being molested! 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3392 This font is too big! 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
3393 What's this I hear around the office about shoving the report up my butt? 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
3394 This is our attempt to have more of a hand in sales 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
3395 You're fired, dummy! 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
3396 Another day, another dummy. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3397 You see, there are some things real dummies can or cannot say. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3398 Oh, okay, then you're both fired. 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
3399 "My boss is a puppet?" Oh, it's on, Steve, it's on. 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
3400 This is a poor copy. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3401 Here to introduce the new policy on micromanagement is a micro version of me 1.1724 0.07017 58 52 2 4
3402 Hey dummy, here’s today’s “to do” list. I’ve used small words and written in crayon to make sure you will understand. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3403 No I'm not accepting your resignation. You knew exactly where he would be putting his hand when you took on this role ! 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3404 Do I have to do everything myself around here? 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3405 Ed, seeking to avoid complaints that he creates a hostile work environment, always delivers his scathing, personal insult laden reviews in comedic fashion. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3406 You f*&%ing dummy. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3407 Dang, Charlie! I did NOT see you write that note! 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
3408 This is my grief doll to help me deal with our downsiz...well just read this slip. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3409 Sorry, buddy. This decision is coming from the higher-ups. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3410 Easy for you, for me ees very deefeecult! 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3411 Just give me a promotion! I'm no dummy. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
3412 This is Hank my new digital assistant. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3413 Delivering your mini-me-mail. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3414 Here's your termination. Now which of us is the dummy? 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3415 Keep reporting like this, Briggs, and we'll ALL look like dummies. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
3416 At least in this form of puppetry, we know who is really in charge of the country. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3417 It's a new management tool: you channel your grievances toward the doll instead of me. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
3418 I know you're angry and don't want to talk to me, Bill. But this is just ridiculous 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3419 I think this guy thinks he's on The Office. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3420 What do you mean he's fired? I've just got this dummy fully trained up! 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3421 No, I couldn't have sent an email--are you trying to make fun of me? 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3422 Mini MEmo 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3423 John Baron, with a list of non-disclosure payments I need you to send. 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
3424 I thought if I threw my voice, it wouldn't seem like more work. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
3425 And stop referring to me as just a dummy yes-man for Mr. Pringle! 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3426 Get your own mouthpiece to challenge this warrant. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3427 This annual evaluation does not reflect who I really am. I want to speak to the head of HR. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3428 Small hands discrimination has hit an all time high at the workplace. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
3429 Doug, we’re replacing you. Read this job description over and let me know if I missed anything. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
3430 I need this posted...looking for any jobs for dummies with laryngitis. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
3431 That's Cohen. C-O-H-E-N. 1.1695 0.06466 59 52 4 3
3432 When I was laid off from the carnival this job was all I could find. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
3433 Post my ad: "ROOMMATE WANTED." 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
3434 Bill realized he was sick and tired of working for a dummy. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
3435 If you've got something to say, say it to my face! 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
3436 Now I show you my papers. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
3437 Another message from the "Dummy of the Last Century" who declines all forms of electronic communication. 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
3438 I'm here to talk about your bringing-toys-into-work problem. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
3439 But I am a fully-tenured professor at George Mason University! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3440 I think this speaks for itself. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3441 Bring your parasitic twin to work day... 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3442 Computing for Dummies is not a clever title! Try again. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3443 This report is incorrect. Who will speak for you? 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3444 Here's your severance package. Believe me, I wish it were mine. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3445 Any dummy could see that this memo has spelling errors! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3446 Speaking for myself, here are some things I think you need to improve on! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3447 Frank, here, can't bring himself to tell you that you've been fired. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3448 Hi, Dave. I'm your pre-AI-transition supervisor per Management Directive 101. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3449 If you wrote this article, you're more of a dummy than I am! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3450 The CEO wrote a memo stating we are all to be downsized. 1.1667 0.06868 54 48 3 3
3451 Please, take it! It's the truth of our relationship. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3452 If Ben Carson is allowed to have real mahogany, so should I! See you in court! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3453 You can get your hand out of my ass now; I have the paperwork you wanted. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3454 Doctors say it helps me avoid burnouts 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3455 He has laryngitis so he asked me to tell you that your last report stinks. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3456 Sorry, the position has been filled. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3457 He was a blabbermouth so I taught him how to write. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
3458 Here's a mini assignment for you. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3459 “Of course, you idiot, I’m a puppet...owned by the bankrupt deep state, applying for welfare... Please Hurry!!! 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3460 Here’s the list of women my client swears he never molested! 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3461 Here's another disbursement from Tr.... I mean Put... I mean Sto... I mean Joe! 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3462 Now look Farnsworth, someone left this copy of "Ventriloquism for Dummies" on my desk, and I want to know whom! 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3463 Pay this amount or you will be accused of harassment of a "Little Person." 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3464 I don’t like handing out pink slips, but my little friend doesn’t mind. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3465 I want this in my case by noon tomorrow! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3466 Here's the new management liability memo. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3467 You seem to move your lips when typing. You are clearly a third echlon talent 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3468 Here is a list of his bad habits. Now! Email your choice of restaurants. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3469 Actually, HE said you didn’t need to work this weekend... 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3470 My lips move . . you're fired. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3471 If you want the job done, you gotta do it yourself. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3472 If I could actually lift my arm, I'd pin this to your forehead. 1.1667 0.06868 54 48 3 3
3473 Jensen, I think the boss expects better than this from you. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3474 Warren Simmons, you've been served, and I've just had a colonoscopy. 1.1667 0.06868 54 48 3 3
3475 "I am here to provide you respite from your mind-numbing 8-hour cubicle day. So read with me 800 times, Peter Piper . . . 1.1667 0.06868 54 48 3 3
3476 This is a hold-up, 'Give me all big bills, and don't try anything funny. Big guy behind me, has my back.' 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3477 And don't ever call me little Marco again. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3478 It's his bill for $10,000. He's pulling strings to give you higher level access. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3479 If I’m a dummy, what doe that make you? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3480 It's bring your child to work day, end of discussion. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3481 I'm sorry, but my immediate superior is currently unavailable. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3482 Puppetry deniability, and his nose only grows when he laughs his way to the bank. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3483 It's your pink slip, and, go ahead, blame the messenger. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3484 What's all this rubbish from HR about dismissing all the small wooden executives? 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3485 Your annual productivity report arouses such intoxicating joy in me that our legal department thinks it best expressed vicariously. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3486 Even a dummy can see this is shoddy work. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
3487 How dare you accuse me of having a stick up my butt! I’ll have you know, it’s a hand! 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3488 Mr. Mueller there's really nothing on Mr.Cohen's computer that is of interest to a special counselor, but here's $130k for your troubles. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3489 I'd like to file a bullying incident report. I'm being called a dummy behind my back. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3490 ....and don't you dare call me 'Woody'! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3491 Stop writing these snarky, passive-aggressive fridge notes. None of your co-workers are eating your sandwich; I am. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3492 All I had to do was pull some strings and learn how to say, "Yes" 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3493 Sorry, but there's already a hand up it. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3494 He won't listen to me--you tell him I like my mustache this way. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3495 Here’s the digital media report you requested. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3496 Keep it up and it’s the wood pile for him! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3497 Fenwick, will you run to the store for the boss please? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3498 It's not me! The big boss says you need to get this finished by the end of the day. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3499 Here’s the invoice for your replacement who is behind me with his hand up my ass. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3500 You'll THINK mini when you read my mighty list of demands! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3501 Pharmacy can't read this and I lost my voice. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3502 Mondays are a pain in the butt! 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3503 Letting someone go is always a pain in the butt. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3504 Of COURSE I move my lips! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3505 If you want to continue putting words in my mouth, you need to stop making me sound so “wooden”. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3506 I'm the literal puppet who's going to replace you, the figurative one. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3507 Did you drok this kiece of kaker? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3508 Who’s in charge here? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3509 He doesn't like confrontation. You're fired. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3510 I said I had a little project for you, Peters, but I never said it wasn't important. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3511 The boss is really starting to micromanage now 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3512 You could be someone's puppet also ! 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3513 George is saying you have more work to do. I know nothing about it. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3514 When I asked you to make a dummy, I meant a mock up. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3515 UH George, I can see you. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3516 Now why don’t you try to explain to Little Mr. Thomas why your first quarter performance was below satisfactory. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3517 You already have a mouse. Please stop calling me one too. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3518 Take Your Child to Work Day was more fun before I was called "dummy." 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3519 Read my lips: no new faxes. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3520 Read my lips: No dummy copy on the memos. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3521 I told you to bring me the list of Communists that Joseph McCarthy wrote. Not the list from Charlie McCarthy. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3522 This dictation is thull oth tythos! 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3523 My client is no dummy who would try to represent himself. Here is a statement from his attorney. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3524 I’m now on your level. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3525 ... so its up to me to deliver the pink slips. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3526 I know I am, but what are you? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3527 And take all the ‘B’s off the keyboard … 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3528 Holding the pencil was easier than you might imagine. 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
3529 Strictly confidential. No one has access to this report but you and I. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3530 Okay, I've made a few mistakes. It's only my second day and I'm still learning. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3531 "This is hard ...OR ...EE to say, ...UT you're ...IRED". 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3532 Tweet this out or this guy behind me will kill me. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3533 Yes Perkins - MeeToo ! 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3534 Can I submit a cartoon - rather than a caption? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3535 Here’s a small list of my demands. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3536 It's the data, dummy! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3537 Where do I go to register a #metoo complaint? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3538 Reading this made me feel like I was impaled from behind and jostled from within! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3539 Accounting is like theatre. Distract them with a show and don’t let them see behind the scenes. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3540 You spelled it DUMBY again! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3541 This memo is to inform you that the monkeys are no longer running the show. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3542 He says he wants to join the 'me too' movement. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3543 Young Mr Wood has several new demands. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3544 Take a look at this, it's some of the most original thinking I've ever seen! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3545 Quigly, I'm here to vent about your shortcomings. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
3546 Even a dummy can why you are getting a pink slip. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3547 This is a strict deadline. No more pulling stings. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3548 It should be obvious I'm too important to speak for myself. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3549 You did not believe me i was hacked. Well here's the proof. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
3550 I'm delegating this to you. Have it on my desk by Thursday. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3551 Now do you think you were being micromanaged before? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
3552 Initiative, Mr. Smith, initiative. Never let anyone handle you. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3553 Donald Trump is a jackass. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3554 This way he doesn't have to be the one to tell you you're fired 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3555 He put me up to this. You're fired. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3556 Our insurance only covers plastic surgery. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3557 My inner child left years ago - this is my inner golem. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3558 And now, a word from our sponsor 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3559 I don't know what to tell you, Jim. I move the mouth but he pulls the strings. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3560 Sometimes I get a wiggle that makes me giggle. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3561 John, we would like to speak with you about possible plagiarism in your story. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3562 Here's how to pay the heating bill; and hurry up, his hand is really cold today. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3563 It's amazing how productive he's been with the right kind of stimulation. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3564 im no dummy i found the letter you wrote my wife 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3565 If you sent this,you must take me for a dummy! 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3566 Who put this dummy in charge? 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3567 your a "dummy" 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3568 I hate to have to tell you like this . . . 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3569 I recommend you get a second opinion as well. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3570 My client is not afraid to roll up his sleeves and make it happen. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3571 ... and I speak for everyone when I say how much you'll be missed. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3572 I'd tell you what I think but he has a hand up my butt. 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
3573 I read your story about Jeff Dunham and while it was shocking, I don't believe a single word. I'm no dummy. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3574 Pack up your office. The Big Boss says you're fired. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3575 You didn't hear this from me, but my handler knows you slept with his wife. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3576 I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that we're reducing non-wooden head count. 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
3577 Speaking personally, I am surprised you aren't thrilled to be a mentor in our intern program. It's how I started. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3578 Look what your latest BOT did to me. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3579 What makes you think you can palm off someone else's work as your own? 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3580 I’m fed up with your typos. It’s ‘dummy’ not ‘dumb ass.’ 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
3581 This bill you sent me for talking out of turn is outrageous! What do you take me for? A dummy??? 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3582 I'm running for office and need your support! 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3583 I wanted to tell you face to face; email is just too impersonal. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3584 We're seeking approval. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3585 Our replica of the boss is half the size, but double the pain in the ass! 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3586 I warn you, this dictat for Lebensraum comes from the highest authority. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3587 I'm Li'l Mike, your whimsically literal new micromanager. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3588 From his lips to your finger tips -- it's the Donald's latest Tweet. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3589 I can't believe you get paid 2 salaries. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3590 Farting on his thumb is the only way I can deflect being blamed for management's policies. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3591 Sorry Chet, but this piece has no backbone. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3592 Joe here is insisting you come into work this Sunday. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3593 Put this into our dummy corporation. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3594 The company's sexual harassment guidelines have been changed to allow ass grabbing. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3595 Do you take me for some kind of a dummy? This report is all wrong. 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
3596 Cranston... I'm submitting a purchase order for a new body boss carrier, immediately. This new guy keeps getting his hands in the wrong place. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3597 This is a summons, and I have a very reliable witness that you have been served. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3598 The good news is, they're promoting from within the company. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3599 Whatever you want for Dummies, I've got it! 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3600 Don't shoot the messenger for your bad review 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3601 Here's the dummy edit. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3602 Plausible deniability for dummies. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3603 You must not use the 'M' word again. I am a 'Little Person'. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3604 Even a dummy could have proof read this better! 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3605 Twitterdumb sent me to tell you your report is Orwellian nonsense. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3606 I'm going to need you to write this report while drinking a glass of water. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3607 And I want these options when you order the 2019 guy-who-carries-me-around. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3608 If you can't finish this, management will stick a fist up yours, believe me. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3609 Bob I’m afraid you’re fired. The company is moving to an all dummy workforce and you’re just too darn smart. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3610 This is my last will and testament. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3611 Send this to Rudy, my new mouthpiece. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3612 Your responses to this questionnaire sound too wooden. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3613 You lest your résuné in the trinter. 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
3614 I'm not calling you a dummy - stop putting words in my mouth! 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3615 Do not look at him, he's a dummy. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3616 First, get this thing off me. Second, help me find my own voice. Three, do you know any little women? 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3617 Bring Your Meme To Work Day 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3618 I'm not gonna dummy this down. You're out. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3619 I'm to tell you you're fired. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3620 If this summary isn't sufficient, you can borrow my copy of 'Management for Dummies'. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3621 Look doc. You should stop copy and paste from one chart to another. The story here is of a gigantism(Acromegaly), unlike any part of me. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3622 Read this, my hand has laryngitis. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3623 I'm not liable because he signed this contract without my permission! 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3624 Yup - here's your pink slip. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3625 Someone's got to deliver the bad news 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3626 Yes, now it's really true. You work for a dummy. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3627 Trying my luck on a new chandalure. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3628 Meet my LLC 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3629 Don’t pay any attention to the tall man behind me ... and you’re fired! 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
3630 It's a draft of my book, "Ventriloquism For Dummies." 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3631 This is YOUR signature! Waddya think I'm a dummy? 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
3632 Well Jim, let me tell you, I'm no dummy and this is no proposal. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
3633 I am compelled to tell you that this report is crap. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3634 Carol’s lawyer just sent over the divorce papers. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3635 Your dummy copy lacks originality. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3636 This dummy bids you adieu. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3637 I can't get him to talk. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3638 Here’s our high fiber lunch order. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3639 My handler says before this can be released everything except the second sentence has to be redacted. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3640 Hey dummy, we need to redo this memo. But this time stop putting words into my mouth. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3641 It's H-1B for Dummies. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3642 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: NO, *YOU'RE* THE DUMMY 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3643 The results are back from the lab, we do wear the same glove size! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3644 Your head is in the cloud and you have the nerve to call me a dummy! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3645 Dawson, get me "Accounts Payable for Dummies." 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3646 Just like he's no Paul Winchell, you're no Walter Winchell. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3647 He’s my ‘fixer’ but my problems aren’t that great. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3648 It sure would hurt a lot less if you were my ventriloquist. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3649 I've been promoted. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3650 Hey, Dummy! Enough with the memos. You got somethin' to say to me? Tell it to my face. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3651 One more TPS report like this and you will also be reporting to Chuckie! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3652 It's a Mini-Memo. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3653 Don't you know the rules? Only 250 characters, your caption is too long. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3654 Your're complaining to me about cut backs? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3655 You are posting “puppet recipes” - do you want to rethink your wording? 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3656 They switched my boss to a different dummy this week. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3657 It's a 'dummy invoice' 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3658 Hi, I’m with HR. I came to update you on your case. Let me first just say these things can be so subjective. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3659 Ignore the dummy; I'm serving you a subpoena. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3660 If you must know, my underside is a keyboard. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3661 And now the bad news. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3662 I’m offended by this “Terms of Agreement For Dummies” .... 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
3663 Believe it or not, I'm from Human Resources -- we're downsizing. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3664 The dummy just doesn't know how to write. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3665 These are my anonymous 360-degree feedback responses. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3666 We get it Hank, it's an invoice. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3667 I need this on my desk by the close of show business. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3668 So apparently there's a problem with our expense account? 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
3669 'Catch and release' situation or a convenient gift for my wife? 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3670 He wants to know if these people are mocking us in emails. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3671 Your job performance hasn’t improved. You asked me to be direct with you. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3672 Would you like to meet my little friend? He likes the taste of old meatballs. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3673 Unfortunately your job is being replaced by a robot. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
3674 Look what I just pulled out of my backside. I present you with HIS tax returns. 1.1607 0.04952 56 47 9 0
3675 Dr. Jackson, here's your supoena. I was never here. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
3676 Read my lips, no tuna sandwiches in the lunchroom. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
3677 Since it's hard to talk to you, I'll be giving you notes. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
3678 Oh, so I'm the dummy? 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
3679 Don't blame me for the pink slip--I'm just following orders. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
3680 Well there's at least TWO signatures you'll never get on your petition to ban workplace puppets! 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
3681 Help! I'm being silenced and held up. 1.1579 0.04873 57 48 9 0
3682 Hey, no raise? Your getting 2 for 1 here Buddy. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
3683 Can you read! This is stated very clear to any one who can. Only a dummy wouldn't understand this. 1.1579 0.05478 57 49 7 1
3684 You complained about a hostile work environment, you big dummy? 1.1579 0.04873 57 48 9 0
3685 Well, I needed to take something home for dinner tonight. 1.1579 0.04873 57 48 9 0
3686 Will you sign this saying it’s take your kid to work day? 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
3687 Your analysis of our company maybe a little short. 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
3688 Jim, you're just not performing up to company standards. 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
3689 I think Im better than Charlie McCarthy, dont ya think??? 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
3690 His service dog couldn't do it. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3691 Corporate gave me more hands-on management responsibilities. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3692 And people say I'M the dummy! 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3693 Just let me know if you need a helping hand. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3694 I’m taking over writing his tweets. Could you be sure this one’s insulting enough before you send it? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3695 He’s cute and he has my proxy. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3696 For my next trick, can I get a glass of water? 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3697 This is hard for me to say, George, but I'm afraid you're being downsized. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3698 It's best we talk about your evaluation dummy to dummy. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3699 This not The New Yorker Ted; edit, edit, edit. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3700 I hate this part of his job. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3701 I am here to complain, not explain. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3702 Sorry, he doesn't make the rules 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3703 Their attorneys are requesting all documents relating to the dummy corporation including, but not limited to, information filtered through a non-interested party. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3704 So, cheeseburger, fries and a coke..will that be all? 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3705 You're fired! He's too much of a nice guy to get rid of anyone, but I'm not a nice guy. Not nohow! You're fired! And you, you're fired, too! And you... 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3706 What kind of dummy do you think I am?! 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3707 It's an attachment to the attachment. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3708 HR told me to "Talk Smaller" 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3709 Today I'm not the dummy here. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3710 Who's the little man now, Mr. Desk Jockey? 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3711 Look, I know what it's like to have words put in your mouth, but that doesn't change the fact that you must deliver this speech exactly the way the guy behind me wrote it. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3712 "I'm Talky Teddy -- and if you don't stop criticizing management -- I'll kill you." [in fond memory of the beloved June Foray] 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3713 Get this report on my desk by tomorrow, or I'll have my hand up YOUR ass! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3714 How's your new middle management position treating you, Bob? 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3715 Happy Termination Day to you! Happy Termination Day to you! Happy Termination Day, dear No Longer Employed here! Happy Termination Day to you! 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3716 "You're fired and my lips ARE moving". 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3717 This kind of work makes the company look unprofessional. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3718 It came to him in a sudden––the stout little figure, that course skin, the dead visage from the alleyway––yes, Allen found himself eye to eye with the Midtown Slayer of Cleveland Heights. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3719 Here's the info on Bob. He's going to be carrying me around so set up his new employee account. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3720 Ventriloquism for dummies!! That is so insulting... 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3721 The interns are getting smaller and smaller by the year. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3722 Don't let the hand up my ass distract you from the fact you need to do this report again! 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3723 My assistant has a note for you. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3724 I thought we decided on frank and open communications. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3725 New policy to cut down on office chit-chat. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3726 The boss suggested I share the new org chart with you. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3727 Here is something I drew up for you to sign. But you gotta believe me he has nothing to do with it, he doesn't even know he is holding me. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3728 I'll tell you the same thing I told the last two guys who did your job, we don't have room in the budget for a company ventriloquist. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3729 Learn to speak English. I’m tired of translating this gibberish. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3730 Fred was growing tired of Ralph's dummy ideas. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3731 Make this sound more like your boss. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3732 Read my lips Dummy, my identity's been stolen. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3733 What do you mean I can't submit five lines! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3734 ...Next time, keep your mouth shut. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3735 The boss is on my back, and this is straight from the board. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3736 Here are the talking points for your meeting with You-Know-Who. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3737 Here's my request for a two-person size office. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3738 'And just to remind you who's the boss, here's my latest tweet." 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3739 Don't blame the poor guy behind me, but you're fired. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3740 You'll have to fill it out. This is just dummy copy. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3741 If you use the executive bathroom again, I’ll fucking end you. It’s cuter when I say it, right? 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3742 My boss is really up my ass about your TPS report. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3743 Although he can't do the same for me, I'm going to have to let you go. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3744 You said "Bring me something that isn't 'redolent of Yeats.’” I'm beginning to agree with Alfalfa, here. If it wasn't for your hair gel your neck would be the smartest part of your body. Also, we need to leave early on Friday. Family thing. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3745 Hey! Fake news journalist! Whaddya mean only a dummy would vote for Trump, you loser! 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
3746 I'm just looking for another helping hand. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3747 You didn't like his micromanagement style, but I have a feeling you'll like mine. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3748 My childhood nickname was not the “teacup chihuahua.” 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3749 One of us is a creepy, out of work dummy and the other one of us is me. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3750 Early Advances in Robotics 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3751 You've been replaced 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3752 I assert my Constitutional right to plead the 1/5th Amendment. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3753 It's not the kind of thing that should be discussed via sock puppet. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3754 Easy for you to input! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3755 I wanted to start my own Fox News 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3756 Meet our new intern—we had to ‘pull a few strings’ to get him. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3757 Something is wrong with this manual. He just won't take his hand out of my rosebud. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3758 Him? Downsized. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3759 Short selling? Diminishing returns? Microeconomics? Do you think I'm some kind of dummy? 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3760 Dear Leader needs more authentic ham-fisted obfuscation. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3761 You're just a lifeless drone Tom 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3762 I am at Billingsley his inner child and I have a list of grievances. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3763 Place it on your desk or pin it to your board. You have five seconds to decide. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3764 Here is Carol's performance review. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3765 You will be visited by the dummies of three management principles... 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
3766 No more excuses, Carstairs. You’ve got to take responsibility for your own actions. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3767 I'm smarter than you, the dummy is smarter than me--And the computer is dangerously smarter than all of us. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3768 Read my lips, Hastings! Better yet... 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3769 Well our attorney strongly disagrees. Now who's the DUMMY? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3770 The boss says it's a ransom list... if you wish to keep your job 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3771 I'm a Mainstream Media Doll. Feed me any anti-Trump/Republican/conservative garbage you can think up and I will regurgitate it verbatim and ad nauseam. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3772 Hey what's the meaning of this memo! Do you take me for some kind of dummy? 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3773 Steve's Boss Learning to Delegate 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3774 Did I fill out the correct sexual harassment form? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3775 This paper proves management is putting words in my mouth. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3776 Hi John. Charlie here has a layoff notice for you. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3777 You publish too much fake news, our president said i am to replace you. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3778 I need 20 copies of this. Stat! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3779 You processed this order all wrong, you dummy! 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3780 If that's the policy, put him in 'checked baggage'! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3781 I doesn't look like fine print to me. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3782 The dummy made me do it. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3783 Great report, but isn't the 'dummy text' a bit pejorative? 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3784 Help! Please make this guy get his hand out of my ass. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3785 Ignore this dummy behind me, i am the real John Hancock, look here's my picture ID. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3786 Here are the supplies I'll need, now that I'm getting my own office. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3787 This is one small note for man, but a giant note for a man-puppet. 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
3788 I saw your email and in response all I have to say is: no, you're the dummy. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3789 I'm no dummy: you faked this document. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3790 Your writing is far too wooden. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3791 Just remember, he is giving you the work... not me 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3792 What do you mean by a “Nonlinear Regression Dummy Variable”? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3793 Jeremy, I am your new boss and I'm here to tell you that sadly, you are fired. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3794 I'm sure the next applicant will have a tough act tot follow. 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
3795 This speech is a little short, I need you to make it longer. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3796 Kathy wants to know if you like her. Check the 'yes' or 'no' box. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3797 It's a petition to guarantee that dummies have the same rights and privileges as people. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3798 Look what happened when the the EPA downsized me ! 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3799 If his lips are moving, I want a new contract. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3800 I can assure you I have perfectly normal sized hands under this. Slightly large, actually. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3801 Listen, I’m on your side. But you know how the guys in finance are. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3802 I would like to file a claim for harassment. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3803 No big thing. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3804 And you ain't no Charlie McCarthy either! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3805 We're getting downsized. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3806 This didn't come from me but how's your resume looking? 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
3807 This is your pink slip, did you see my lips move? 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3808 So what if it's not very P.C., I'm just the messenger. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3809 I need you to take this short memo 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3810 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CALLING A "DUMMY?" 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3811 Call me a dummy but I got your attention didn’t I. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3812 Dummy here says this contract wooden hold. We walnut sign it. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3813 It was so big of you not to acknowledge my contributions to the project, Fred. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3814 Post this - 'Ventriloquism for Dummies'. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3815 I think we've reached a whole new level of work venting. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3816 It's nothing personal. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3817 Another memo from mini-me! 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3818 You wanted Mein Kampf? 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3819 Steve, this is your final notice. Please stop spamming e-mails calling me a corporate puppet. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3820 Avoiding Confrontation for Dummies 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3821 This note contains representations that are currently rumored to be facts. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3822 You're been talking behind my back....only the big guy here is allowed to do that. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3823 We dummies always make non-negotiable demands! 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3824 Dan, you cannot use Comic Sans on all of your paperwork; it makes you look like an idiot. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3825 This one is from the miniature Hitler collection. The banality of the bureaucratic overtones this one Kafkaesque, if you ask me. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3826 Don't watch him. I wrote the report. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
3827 Remember, I'm the 'bad boss'. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
3828 Don't kill the messenger, but.., 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3829 You tell me how I am going to read this report without my lips moving Jenkins?! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3830 I'm giving you his laundry list for the funneling, so you can have plausible deniability. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
3831 How anyone could say this is acceptable is beyond me! 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
3832 Your essay proves who the real dummy is here. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
3833 Not the elbow!!! 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
3834 It's like I'm moving my mouth and no words are coming out! 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3835 What's with the hand written note. We fired the mail boy 25 years ago. You don't know how to email? 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3836 We need your advice. Do our wedding invitations look all right? 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3837 We're downsizing. And there's a brand new "physical contact" policy. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3838 This is the non-disclosure agreement I will never sign. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3839 Hey Rex...Sup? Yeah, Donald and I just wanted to stop by and give you this $250,000 a year raise to part with your integrity...ha, ha,ha...no, actually, your fired! Geez, Donald, look his hands are even smaller than yours.... 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3840 I'm sorry I took so long with Roger's report. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3841 What's this about me being fired for something this big idiot made me say! 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3842 Bummer! Since you can’t read my lips... 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3843 Read my friend's lips, YOUR FIRED! 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3844 Can I put a hold on Ventriloquism For Dummies? 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3845 Get with the times Farnsworth. Nobody uses sticky notes anymore. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3846 He says he's keeping his promise that he will never fire you. You're fired. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3847 In demanding signed letters of resignation, he relies on his mouthpiece. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3848 Meet your new micro management specialist 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3849 I thought I said meeting minutes, Carl, not minute. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3850 Charlie McCohen says "I'll see you in court!" 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3851 Can you fix this report, Jim here just pointed out that I messed it up, like, really bad. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3852 When you write on a computer, put only one space after a sentence, not two, you idiot. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3853 I'm considering switching carriers, the roaming charges are killing me! 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3854 Tim, I need you to fill out this performance review. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3855 “Tonight I will use you for fire wood.” “You will never be a real boy.” “Where is Stromboli when you need him.” -thoughts from an annoyed coworker 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3856 Quick, memorize this stuff I found in Leadership For Dummies 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3857 No "Ventriloquist Resources" department? What am I supposed to do with this expense report for termite control? 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3858 I don’t care if Charley McCarthy went to Yale Law or Jerry Mahoney went to Harvetd. I’m going to Cooley Law School! 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3859 I would like to file a complaint about my recent performance review. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3860 He is a little bashful, wait till he meets the boss' wife! He turns into a Charlie McFlirty! 1.1509 0.06813 53 48 2 3
3861 And I bet you thought that your old boss was a dummy, too. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3862 Here's a new memo, you're fired! 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3863 I hear ya, Bill, but the new policy's not coming from me, it's from the higher ups. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3864 This work is pathetic. Do I have to do everything around here myself? 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3865 Here is the paperwork for the shrink ray. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3866 HE doesn't have the guts to fire you, but…. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3867 Here’s the rundown. This one’s head is made of wood, and he has suspiciously small hands. Go tell him he’s fired. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3868 I don't like this either. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3869 This way we cut out the middle man. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3870 Surprise ! He is not a "yes man." Otherwise he would not be presenting you this list of grievances. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3871 I don’t care if you speak in a small voice. I am still going to do it MY way. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3872 No, no. I'm not firing you, the puppet is. I'm still a cool boss. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3873 I am intrigued by your offering, "Corporate Tax for Dummies." 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
3874 Here's a little bit more work. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3875 Knock knock! Your boss' alter ego says you're fired! 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
3876 Don't shoot the messenger, but you do have a very old 'friend' request. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3877 Did you refer to me as Dummy. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3878 I think my clients resume speaks for itself. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3879 If you write me like this again I'll report you to the manager. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
3880 ...and don't make Digby have to come to me again on this! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
3881 AI? No, I am a dummy just like you! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
3882 They thought your last caption submission was too meta but wondered if you had any ideas about this new one. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
3883 Please come to Irvin's birthday bash. He's been up my rump all week about inviting you. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
3884 What is this memo? Do you think I am an idiot? Stupid? A dummy? 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
3885 I’ve never understood the whole standing desk thing. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
3886 Diploma reflects a BS in double talk. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
3887 I can't type, so here is my email response. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
3888 So you think you've had your fill of management calling the shots around here? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
3889 Bring your child to work day 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
3890 President Trump has sent me down here to tell you, in person, face to face, "you're fired.'" 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
3891 "Damn, Snowcone, what are you for Halloween, a bitch? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
3892 No puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
3893 Let's see who the real dummy is: Audit...that's spelled a-u-d-i-t...audit. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
3894 No! You're the dummy! 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
3895 He can play the accordion, but he doesn't do copy-editing! 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
3896 Your report is garbage, and I’m no dummy when it comes to critiquing reports. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
3897 Mrghn mmrgn mrorg mfhg mnhfv. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3898 Michael, the President sent you a surprise You Know What card so long as you keep him out of You Know What. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3899 This is ridiculous, how can I be expected to pay child support? I don't even have functional genitals. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3900 This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3901 Whaddya think...I'm some kind of dummy? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3902 Who's a dummy? You're a dummy! 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3903 Hey Fred, do you think you could finish this report while I go practice my ventriloquist act for Saturday's company dinner? Thanks, buddy. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3904 Company email is to be used for innovative insults only. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3905 This needs to be laundered. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3906 The boss needs you to order lunch, Tom. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3907 This is my writ of habeas corpus 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3908 Carl, due to budgetary reasons, I'll need to sit on Rupert's lap for the L.A. flight. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3909 Is now a good time to discuss your paper on a paperless office? 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3910 I need you to stay late and finish this. Please don't be mad at me, I'm just doing what I was told. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3911 Oh, and one more item. Your boss wanted to tell you that you're fired. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3912 Can you proofread this love poem for me? 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3913 I've documented all the instances #metoo 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3914 I'm here to pull your strings. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3915 I’m afraid you need a new gimmick. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3916 I am suing my ventriloquist for molestation. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3917 As part of our Friendlier FBI initiative, I'm serving you with a "no knock-knock" subpoena. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3918 We've revised our estimates, so you need to redo this report by close of business day. Thank you. You're a terrific audience. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3919 I guess he always thought he could grow the mustache later. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3920 Acquisitions! I need a new chair. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3921 This is the new face of Fake News. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3922 Thanks again for listening to my latest act. Oh, I almost forgot, here's your pink slip. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3923 don't you get it,Moron?this scathing memo is by the ventriloquist not the dummy. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3924 Accept late expense claims or the puppet gets it. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3925 This is our new boss and his downsizing plan. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3926 Read my lips Johnson...this memo is serious! 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3927 No- I won't do jury duty! 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3928 Arboreally challenged? Why not just write that I'm a dummy. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3929 Since you've been calling management 'bourgeois', my petite friend would like to have a word with you. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3930 Verne Troyer wasn't available 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3931 I, with my assistant as witness, am presenting you with this demand letter for you to cease your scurrilous lies about me! 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3932 How about hiring a "two fer"? 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3933 From now on, you take orders from me! 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3934 I may be a dummy, but I still pull the strings around here. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3935 Spellcheck says it should be 'here' not 'hear.' 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3936 From one dummy to another, "a subpoena on paper beats porn on a computer." 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3937 The boss said, "Get therapy, dummy," but guess who misunderstood? 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3938 Which of these suits is by boss? 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3939 We're filing a report, Brian. Don't you dare talk to me or my son ever again. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3940 I would do this myself, before I was half the man I used to be. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3941 Please read this short memo. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3942 Get your finger out of my ass. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3943 "Chucky" finally sells out and becomes a micromanaging puppet of Wall Street. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3944 Don't kiln the messenger. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3945 Please touch me where this layoff hurts you the most. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
3946 No puppet, no puppet. You're a deep state puppet James. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
3947 Boss wants me to remind you to keep your mouth shut, and your hands to yourself. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
3948 Here, woodworms weren't a pre-existing condition. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3949 Only a dummy would turn in a report looking like this. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3950 Who are you calling 'Any dummy?' 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3951 We are going to lunch but here is our list of things we'd like you to do. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3952 We're giving your job to Topo Gigio. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3953 These are specific instructions on how to extract this guy's hand from my ass." 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3954 Memail debuts at Jim's office. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3955 You think MY communication skills are bad!? Why can't you just tell us face to face to face? 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3956 Johnson, get this press release out letting the world know that I am running for Congress and that I am trumpier that Trump. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3957 Here's a copy from my copy, you copy? 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3958 Meet this year's summer intern. Try and give him an extremely hands-on experience. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3959 What’s one do when they’ve attached a Cohen to a Cohen?! 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
3960 Wanted: a new partner who gives a lot less lip service! 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3961 I prefer to deliver bad news in person. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3962 The famed Duckworth twins, the only recorded case of Siamese twins attached hand to, well, as you can see... 1.1400 0.07004 50 46 1 3
3963 It pains me to say this, but your services are no longer needed. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3964 Fortunately, this memo does the talking for me. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3965 Bobby hasn't got the balls to tell you . . . your fly's open. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3966 yeah I get it wise guy, a short memo....Charlie, move me closer! 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3967 He said this makes it more 'legal.' 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3968 Don't blame him. He's the real dummy. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3969 I’ve been promoted to management. Here are the new business regulations we need to follow. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3970 You asked for a mouthpiece who knew how to read? 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3971 You’ll find that we are at the vanguard of low tech start-ups in the Oakenoggin Valley. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3972 Well, since you asked, yes it IS dummy copy. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
3973 Management is probing me about these figures... where's that report?! 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3974 I brought you some fake news. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3975 This contract sucks! I want more money and less fondling. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3976 Could you check my math? My friend can only count to five right now. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3977 In pursuit of productivity, Mini-Me tries delegating by Mini-To-Do list. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3978 Your performance review says you've been a bit wooden with your customers lately. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3979 I'm doing this the Internet way. You're fired! 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3980 He says, "You're fired." 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
3981 I've got a ticket to ride, so we're out of here. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3982 The board is really up my ass with these new reports. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3983 Hey knucklehead, your wife was over last night. What a gal! Thought I'd return her pink slip! 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3984 Spare me your newsboys and puppets. I need revolutionaries. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
3985 Eric may be a pain in my butt; nevertheless, you really should listen to his comments. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3986 Look, this is much better than when people accused me of having my head up there 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
3987 Enough with the silly notes. The big guy wants to hear this straight from you. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3988 Read this memo. It's about doing more with less. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3989 He may have the fancy degrees but they hired me as their mouthpiece 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3990 As his ghost writer, I deserve compensation. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3991 He's a "Secret" service pet. The doctor's note explains everything. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3992 Why hasn’t this dummy behind me gotten his federal tax refund yet? 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3993 Oh come on! It's the Knucklehead's Myth memo! 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
3994 We both think you could apply yourself more. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3995 Welcome to your nightmare job, Peter. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
3996 I'm Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions, I'm un-recusing myself, and you are hereby fired Mister Mueller. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
3997 OK,now it's time to talk about the small print 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
3998 You're fired! My whole family I hired agrees with me. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
3999 Need to report underlying power imbalance. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4000 Here's another note, dummy 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
4001 Mike, I need this cry translated into English by the end of the day. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
4002 We looked, but there wasn't any button "Strongly Disagree" to choose. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
4003 He's my lawyer and here's his opinion on the matter. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4004 Starting Monday you're promoted to Senior Juggler. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4005 This type of shoddy work will not make you junior partner. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
4006 And the Little Man of the Year Award goes to… 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4007 He's no dummy. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
4008 My computer is down, so I'm using my little friend to deliver your pink slip. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4009 The office culture is alright, but the boss kind of has a stick up his ass 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4010 Me too says he can't touch a pink slip. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
4011 You said he was the best proctologist ever… I demand a retraction I demand your proctologist issues a full retraction 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
4012 Breaking news? I believe this speaks for itself! 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
4013 Please get his hand out of my ass! 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
4014 Punch up these "You're fired!" jokes. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
4015 Boss, I deserve the raise, not the dummy behind me. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
4016 They call me Tiny Dan CEO. 1.1333 0.06816 45 41 2 2
4017 Keep trying. It needs to be more appealing to hard-working dummies. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
4018 As promised, here is your anonymized 360 degree feedback. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
4019 You're so fired. 1.1296 0.05318 54 48 5 1
4020 No this is not a man with his hand up my ass, he is my Siamese twin. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4021 Pay no attention to the man behind me. Here’s your pink slip. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4022 We are finished, I did most of the work though. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4023 HR recommended we inject a little humor to ease the stress of these layoffs, so pretend you can’t see my lips moving. Here’s your pink slip. Now get out. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4024 No, it says right here, I'm complex, he's complicated 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4025 Here's a mini memo for you from the boss. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4026 read this letter of demand before my lips move 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4027 I've revised the performance plan that he wrote up for you - blaming inanimate objects for your careless mistakes is definitely out! 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4028 Your online sockpuppet is being promoted to head of West Coast marketing. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4029 Noooo, Bob I'm not firing you... talk to the hand. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4030 If this is the HR Department, here is my job description. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4031 John, boss wants you to take another trip to the factory in China 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4032 I am a ventriloquist dummy and I am handing you a piece of paper. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4033 I say a little pink slip. He means you're fired. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4034 You didn't get this from me, but here's your performance review. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4035 Yes, it's menial work. But one day you'll be in my position. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4036 You must be the dummy who said there was no synergistic opportunities with that toy company. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4037 Enough, Bob. It's been three weeks since I ate your risotto. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4038 Gotta believe me, he has nothing to do with this contract. Why, he doesn't even know he is holding me. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4039 You're fired. We want independent thinkers here. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4040 Dale left a complaint on my desk saying that you called his ventriloquist act ‘dumb’. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4041 Could you read this bill for me and my silent partner. As you can see, neither of us has eyes. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4042 Looks like Jimmy has something up his ass today 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4043 Does he have to drink a glass of water in order to get you to listen? 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4044 'Micromanager' is our word. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4045 Any dissent over the new policy will be met with a wooden response. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4046 I said, You’re fired dummy! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4047 He's my Legal Mouthpiece-- Just sign here and nobody gets hurt. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4048 Hey Joe, meet little Dick!" "Shut up Richard. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4049 I should have listened to Glassdoor 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4050 The big guy has laryngitis today 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4051 I think I've found a better way to translate Bauderlaire. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4052 What do you mean I'm not a dependent? I need hip surgery now. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4053 You didn’t hear it from me, but Kevin, in finance, definitely deserves a bigger paycheck. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4054 If you can believe him, it's a smaller order than usual! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4055 Complicity? His nibs knows as much about our contract as the President does about Michael Cohen's arrangements with AT&T. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4056 They were right ... Bob 'literally' is the worst micromanager. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4057 Hey dummy - the boss says you’re fired. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4058 I'm the private server. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4059 This expense report speaks for itself. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4060 I need a raise sir, he is holding me too low. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4061 I want you to prepare this legal brief for my court date tomorrow. I'm going to use the dummy defense. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4062 Just another reminder: no playing Fortnite on your work computer. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4063 I am an oppressed minority. I am endangered. this is a petition to the President for asylum. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4064 You can take this report and stick it where the sun don't shine. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4065 He has to let you go. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4066 We don't run op eds from mouthpieces 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4067 Here's the form for the puppet-change surgery. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4068 Don't moms always say, "when you're really mad, use your words" 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4069 This is your “Trump bonus,” dummy. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4070 Unfortunately we still have not found the termite problem. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4071 Please have your chatbot re-send this without the attachment 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4072 Don't be so hard on yourself, Jim. He fired the last guy with a muppet. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4073 It says here that you have 11/2 positions available! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4074 We can't be prosecuted because the DUMMY transferred the money into the account. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4075 Take me to your reader! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4076 You call this an invoice? Starting now it's less in, more voice! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4077 Now that our merger with Props Incorporated has closed, you'll be reporting to me from now on. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4078 Here's a memo is from the dummies in Corporate. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4079 What's this DNA report Doc? Says Woody here is NOT my natural Dad? 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4080 Whoever says I'm guilty of McCarthyism is a godless communist! 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4081 Speaking for myself... 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4082 Don’t ask him. He’s a dummy. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4083 I wish my motivational ventriloquist had more puppets. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4084 My selfie is pre-authorized to speak for me. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4085 ...if they’re out of the daily special, I’ll take a combo five WITHOUT pickles, sub onion for extra cheese ONLY if it’s Swiss — and if not, go to the place next door. I’ll get another sheet. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4086 Respectfully, Mr. Wilson, I thought there would be less paperwork after downsizing middle management. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4087 Pay no attention to the man with his hand up my butt. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4088 I can create rumors that this idiot can’t. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4089 We've tweeted your pink slip using a dummy voice app. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4090 Your taxes are running low, and so are my batteries. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4091 This will tell you how to project your voice onto paper. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4092 I'm no dummy, George. This is the worst writing I have seen in a long time. Pete would have told you himself but, he is practicing his ventriloquism right now and can not be here to tell you in person. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4093 And don't forget the small print. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4094 Let's make our company GREAT again. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4095 You didn't hear it from me, but Josh is going to fire you if you don't sign these. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4096 Johnson, are you trying to make me look like a horse's ass? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4097 Today is "bring a buddy to work day" I'm holding an official letter from the President that says I'll fit right in with the rest of the dummies. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4098 Ein the g-oss, I said th-ired not hired! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4099 I guess ted from acounting was right, our boss is a total puppet. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4100 I got an A on my Math exam. I told you I wasn't a dummy. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4101 They told me my boss was a dummy, this was not what I expected. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4102 Human Resources says with such a low unemployment rate it is hard to get full sized employees these days. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4103 It’s Howdy’s doodle time. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4104 With the Executive Mouse you do not need a computer. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4105 We're downsizing everything, myself included. Here's your termination email. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4106 Read my lips--I claimed him as a dependent, not the other way around. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4107 The Company has adopted a new communication policy, please fill out this ventriloquist dummy requisition form and check the training schedule. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4108 No wooden dummy is gonna tell me what to do! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4109 Pack your things. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4110 Did you call me a blockhead? 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4111 I'm Mr. Cyparat's new surrogate. Please have this list completed for tomorrow. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4112 Neither fish nor fowl 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4113 I'm the intermediary serving your walking papers. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4114 My down sized version will deliver my presentation on down sizing 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4115 Three generations of Bill collecting. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4116 Don't be a dummy. Just pay the damn bill 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4117 I'm not the one firing you, corporate is just telling me what to do. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4118 Okay , Grown, you greak company rules, you pray the grice! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4119 Read the note, not my lips. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4120 This comes from upstairs! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4121 You did ask for the dummy text. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4122 These numbers speak for themselves. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4123 Good morning! Time for your daily dose of humiliation! 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4124 Your request for "a little time off" has been approved. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4125 He's blind and can throw his braille 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4126 "And your card is the Ace of 'YOU'RE FIRED!!!' 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4127 Never mind the harassment policy, it's what the big man wants. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4128 Oh, thanks Bob.... freak 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4129 Send this to Dummy-Mike, and Dummy-Mike only. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4130 I apologize, but we ran out of pink paper stock. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4131 Hey, Bill. Got any plans on Saturday? No. How would you like to mow my lawn? 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4132 My voice may not be in-sync with my mouth, but your new budget correlates with staff downsizing. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4133 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've been selected as the new fire warden. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4134 Take a letter. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4135 I want to explain to them how their behavior is irrational. But I know I'd end up being the one feeling broken. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4136 Welcome to the desert of the real. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4137 I am Mr. Fredrick. Your boss wants you to get all of this work done before the end of your shift. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4138 Have you seen my white cat? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4139 Can you proofread this? It's a report on the slack-jaws in this department. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4140 Oh no, is it "Take your dummy to work" Day again? 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4141 So I've finished that list of your fears for you. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4142 It's his finger, okay? Stop looking at me like that! 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4143 Do you know where I can hand in my resume? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4144 Don't just read the lines! Read BETWEEN the lines! 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4145 Sid, this is a memo from my human and the staff demanding that you stop writing memos! 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4146 I’m afraid some guy with Orange Hair is stealing my identity. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4147 You’re fired. 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
4148 Next time you ask for a day off, please speek to me directly. Slipping this under my door was pretty spineless. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4149 Here’s my birth certificate! Who’s the dummy now? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4150 A funny thing happened on my way to handing you your notice. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4151 Who you calling head honcho? 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4152 He made me say it and now he wants an apology? I'm filing my emancipation application. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4153 We have downsized in HR , here is your downsized pink slip . 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4154 Due to your overuse of the word "literally," we've made a few tiny changes. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4155 Give me one more rewrite, this time in third person. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4156 You'll have to sign and NDA in case you see his lips move. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4157 I recognize that I am a dummy; but they can't send this dummy to prison. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4158 You'll have to take it up with my manager. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4159 The labs prove wooden splinters on your tongue. Monster. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
4160 Again, it’s not me firing you. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
4161 “I’m suing you for cyber bullying, quit hashtaging me #termiteTim 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4162 Now I understand the, "No job too big, or too small..." on your resume. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4163 Say hello to my little friend! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4164 I don't care if the President calls me a dummy; at least I have larger hands than he does! 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4165 You look surprised at this. What're you, some kind of dummy? 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4166 If you want a great team player, I'm your man. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4167 You wanna sign up for the corporate talent show? Don't let the competition intimidate you. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4168 The boss wants to know who’s responsible for this haiku, written in your handwriting, about his twisted ventriloquist-dummy fetish. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
4169 A citation from HR--add it to your wall of shame. Who's the dummy, now? 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4170 What do you mean Faux Employee! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4171 You ever see the movie Basket Case? 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4172 Puppet you say then Pink slip Ill play! 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4173 If you could file this TPS report, that'd be great 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4174 Here's the latest news direct fron our central office 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4175 Here’s my CV. I’ve got some big ideas for this company! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4176 I'm here to apply for 'THE NEW YORKER', cartoon caption contest judging position! 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4177 I ask for minimal comments on our new world project and you give me this? My assistant is not amused. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4178 Roger was no good at confrontation, but with the assistance of little Roger he was able to fire underperforming employees with ease. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4179 He thought it would be better if we fired you this way. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4180 Carl, I said I would not hire Morty as my assistant. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4181 You've been served. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4182 There's literally nothing my client can eat on this menu. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4183 Jenkins, even though I'm only filling in as Director of the Legal Department until they hire someone, even I can tell this real estate contract is a sham! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4184 It’s a puppet-memo from the boss’s chief puppet. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4185 FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE OFFICE 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4186 Repeat after me. Fact is opinion. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4187 If you stop calling me Blockhead we might agree on the terms a lot faster 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4188 How about a smooch for The Mooch? 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
4189 I am the mouth of Ron. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4190 How's this for being a source that you can't reveal? 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4191 I had to pull some strings but I got you the bonus. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4192 I need this now and I meme it! 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4193 He’s the one holding a doll and they call me a dummy!? Oh, and you’re fired. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4194 caption 1: Rework this memo. It sounds too impersonal. caption 2: This certifies me as Bob's Service Companion. HR prohibits the use of the terms, "dummy" and "doll" in the workplace. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4195 Mr. Kaplan wants more banter in the quarterly earnings report. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4196 Up yours Mark Z.?? 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4197 Please file this under personality disorders. Thanks. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4198 We're trying to go Rococo, but I would rather give Paleo another try. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
4199 HR has a note for you to stop putting up notes in your cube 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
4200 You forgot to sign this. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
4201 HR says honest performance reviews risk litigation. Fine. I wrote this with my very own tiny wooden hands. Try to sue ME, Mr. Deadweight. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4202 Now, I may be a dummy, but you'll be calling me Mr. Genius when you read this idea. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
4203 Bill, take note: Let's not bog down our internet with pointless emails. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4204 I thought you were two faced. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
4205 You know, sitting in that chair all day really isn't healthy. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
4206 Jeff will be out of the office today. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4207 Laugh all you want, but this dummy just got a $1 million bonus. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4208 This is taking micromanaging to a whole new extreme. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4209 No no, this is "real news" 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
4210 You used to be on our team. Goodbye. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4211 You have been a great audience...and for my final number... your fired!" 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
4212 My client has absolutely nothing to hide, but refuses to speak with your sad fake witch hunt! 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
4213 How serious were you about eating our next catch? 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
4214 This is a cease and desist order to stop calling us TrumPutin. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
4215 It's not me! It's the boss, he wanted it done yesterday! 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4216 No, that’s not on my list of sexual harassment complaints. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
4217 Play it again, Sam 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
4218 I have your memo about my 'open door' policy being a joke. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
4219 Let’s skip the small talk, I believe this list speaks for itself. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
4220 I’m sorry Peterson, Amy in finance claims you called her doll face. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
4221 It made sense in the store, but now that we're out here, it seems a little ridiculous, doesn't it? 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
4222 Who’s putting these small words in your mouth? 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
4223 We’re reporting you to HR again, for drinking his glass of water. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
4224 Here's a shipping label--lately UPS Ground is looking better to me than business class. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4225 Here's your pink slip, dummy. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4226 Our boss wishes he could have delivered this bad news himself. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4227 How many times do I have to repeat this? 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4228 This explains everything. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4229 You’re fired. We saw your lips move. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4230 “You’re being served,” all three men said at once. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4231 No Tom, this isn't what I meant about cleaning up your act. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4232 We quit and we DEMAND two full benefit severance packages. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4233 You are cordially invited to the DownSized Happy Hour in the parking lot. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4234 The at-will contract you signed says you're now the dummy. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4235 I’m filing a harassment complaint. This guy won’t leave my ass alone. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4236 I'm Mr. Tweet and I speak for the boss because he is too chicken to speak for himself. You're fired. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4237 This is my new contact which requires getting rid of this big dummy. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4238 ......and don't even try to kill the messenger. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4239 “I may be a dummy, but your bill was done by an idiot”. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4240 Howard, my human would like you to review this memo from HR. You can't use--you know, that word that rhymes with "tummy"--okay? It's Verbal Outreach Associate, Howard. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4241 Well, it's February 29th... you promised the three of us would hang out tonight! 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4242 I like to think of it as a retro avatar. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4243 Here's my stupid ventriloquist joke. I need you to add something about how all the people in P.C. Vey's cartoons have that Habsburg inbreeding thing going on with their faces. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4244 Can you handle this for me, dude? Please? Jeff Dunham's got a thing down at the Learning Annex, one night only. I've gotta get there so I can hand him this super racist spec script I wrote. Please, dude? This is everything to me. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4245 A'ight, Bob, here's Jim's proxy. There'll be no more of this "just a puppet" business. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4246 Accounts Payable’s got talent. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4247 Hey, kid, don't dilly dally me. This memo stinks! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4248 I’m the new head of procurement, and I’m making some changes. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4249 Here are some notes on your last market analytics presentation Smithers, as we thought it came off a little wooden. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4250 I need you to file is Dunham Report by this friday... 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4251 Help me! The CFO is fondling my rump. #MeToo 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4252 HR says your job is redundant. Funny old world, isn't it? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4253 I'm his therapy outsourcer. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4254 My wife gave it me. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4255 Hey, I'm on your side, but it's not my call. This is coming from the top. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4256 Nowhere in my contract does it say I must have this guy holding me all the time and whispering in my ear! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4257 Did you think I'm a dummy? You're fired! 1.1136 0.06676 44 41 1 2
4258 It takes a dummy to know a dummy! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4259 Sorry, but we're needing to downsize the company. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4260 Pink slip! Who's the dummy now? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4261 There’s cake in the break room. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4262 Being BOB’s inner voice isn’t always easy-our opinion of you, for your records. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4263 Take your child to work day was a raging success 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4264 Since I have accepted the position of personnel director, I have absolute power over hiring and firing. These are your walking papers. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4265 Revise this now. You wrote in my bio that I lack elfin magic. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4266 The contract is good and your boss is just carrying me and I really am your union representitive and just sign it. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4267 Finish by tonight or he'll be upset. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4268 ...and remember, if you have ANY concerns or suggestions, my door is always open. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4269 We are replacing you. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4270 Please inform Human Resources that we'll no longer respond to 'dummy' as pronoun. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4271 I'll have you know I don't need your job to fill that position, Adam. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4272 Fox News, here: 2nd source, reporting for doody! 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4273 Here's why I deserve a raise 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4274 You're fired...please don't make a scene. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4275 I want to show you page three of the employee handbook: workers are expected to have fun and goof around every once in a while. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4276 You never read my note and I sent so many 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4277 I'm Carl's AI. Here's my signed offer letter and his formal resignation. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4278 Who do you think you’re calling a mouthpiece, copper? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4279 Never mind big shot how would you like my hand in YOUR pants?! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4280 Send this mini-me mail out immediately. No more post-it notes in the copier, not funny! 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4281 Who are you calling "Dummy"? This little guy runs a multi-billion dollar company. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4282 Corporate sent a memo that says I need to spice up management techniques, I ignored it. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4283 The board of directors has voted against the use of standing desks. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4284 Will you support this prop? 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4285 See, the invoice says they did charge me extra for the mustache. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4286 I told our CEO I'm sick and tired of seeing crotches and butts. She assigned Parker and you as my official carriers. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4287 Oh, those Mormons. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4288 Here's the "Reply Small" memo. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4289 I have a gnawing headache. Call this number at termite exterminators. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4290 Ok. This time print only the card without the 3D printer. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4291 Here's a list of how your human cloning project went wrong. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4292 What is it? What is it? You terse cursed inverse and adverse purse of reverse internet transverse empty of converse, this is verse in cursive! 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4293 See? His lips are not moving. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4294 I got the artificial intelligence budget under control. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4295 I got the idea from Austin Powers 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4296 I'd like a divorce. 1.1136 0.06676 44 41 1 2
4297 Your walking papers you big dummy. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4298 I resign forthwith, you big dummy 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4299 I'm different; I take his dictation. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4300 First you will need to waive your right to confidentiality. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4301 The boss used this tweet to fire us. Who's the dummy now? 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4302 Big bill, little bill. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4303 Sorry if being told to pick up his lunch offends you. He doesn't know I'm asking. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4304 You're being down sized. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4305 I am sorry, who is the dummy? You just blast emailed the firm your BDSM.com profile. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4306 ‘Your complaints about “middle management” on the suggestion board are both transparent and hurtful, Jim.’ 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4307 Broadcast this breaking news denying Sinclair's editorial control of our newscast. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4308 These are our grievances; a fair raise makes them disappear. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4309 We've determined that redundancies really aren't all that bad. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4310 Don't tell me it's "just a molehill"! From where I stand it's quite obviously a mountain. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4311 Here’s my note of apology for saying naughty things in the workplace. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4312 I wanna be like Trump! 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4313 Here’s the company’ grammar nazi, sir. He calls the sheet he is holding as “My Struggle” and insists that it is followed despite ours being a legal firm. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4314 Did I just get fired by a ventriloquist from Personnel because I can see your lips moving, Mr. Burnstein? 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4315 You'll need to unclip this from my hand because I'm a dummy. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4316 If your employees secretly refer to you as a Nazi, our mini-Adolf doll will allow them to redirect their anger toward it, and away from you. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4317 Just enter this data. You move your fingers only. No need to be a ventriloquist or anything like that. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4318 I need an answer to this pronto or else the boss will kick our butts. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4319 I demand the end of our partnership- he can't even think without moving his lips> 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4320 No-one could outperform Larry. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4321 Don’t give me that look! I am the administraton’s new puppet. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4322 I dummied up the reports for you , Sir. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4323 If Bill Lemberg felt like he wasn’t passive aggressive enough 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4324 He never actually said this on stage 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4325 Workplace Microaggression 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4326 I know that I may sound like I have a hand up my ass, but you have to get this report done. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4327 Do I look like the type of person who needs dummies? 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4328 Here, use these alternative facts instead. More convoluted. Buys more time before the inevitable. 1.1136 0.04840 44 39 5 0
4329 If I can sign an NDA after where he puts his hands on me every day, surely so can you? 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4330 Here, this manual will show you where to plug your mouse in. So dumb... 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4331 I may look like a dummy, but I ain’t this stupid! I’m on to you Fedderman. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4332 Um yeah, we're going to need to come in on Sunday. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4333 Come on....eye contact with the dummy. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4334 Here's the memo about management's downsizing plans. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4335 Meanwhile, back in the Puppet Recruitment Office of White House Personnel... 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
4336 This memo calls me a dummy, you're fired ! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4337 Look at me. Never mind the "muscle", he has his hands full... 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4338 The research is clear. You need to stop staring at screens nd talk to someone face-to-face. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4339 this doesnt get easier no matter what i try 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4340 Billy, you're fired. On a lighter note, Mr Poppy says, 'You have the potential to-' Billy? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4341 Get this out by COB and tell this dummy to clip his nails. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4342 I still haven't forgiven you for sleeping with Stacey 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4343 OK, Google, read this playlist. Execute these ultrasonic commands: bring back Vaudeville starring Charlie McCarthy in an episode of 'Game of Thrones' inserted in the Superbowl half-time show. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4344 Read it, follow it. I am prepared to go to prison for him for what he does to you if you don’t! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4345 That's a ridiculous price for ventriloquism lessons! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4346 Paper comes from wood... you know what else is made of wood? 1.1111 0.06531 45 42 1 2
4347 Do you have a washroom for ventriloquists here ? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4348 I dare you to say you see his lips moving one more time! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4349 I know you didn’t get custody, but bringing a dummy to bring your kid to work day is a new low. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4350 Yeah, I’m His mouthpiece, so what? I’m also his muscle! So pay up now! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4351 You can’t do spreadsheet analysis again for this year’s talent show. Let someone else win. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4352 Downsizing turns him into a real boy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4353 The boss wants this one done by yesterday. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4354 What am I doing here? You know I do all the firings. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4355 Hi Jim , its mini Michael Mini Michael- waaaazzzzzzz up 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4356 Frank, I’m glad therapy is working out for you! But you can email me memos from now on 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4357 Really? You should know the Little Man has no input in this administration. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4358 I demand my fixer! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4359 My resignation ... or you give me more freedom. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4360 Here is a signed requisition for a new robot to carry me around. This one has cold hands. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4361 I may look weird, but actually your the stupid one, 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4362 You computer dummy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4363 Speak up, Simmons! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4364 This is your first warning. Call your supervisor ‘a dummy’ again, and you’re out. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4365 I have no knowledge of mini me's illegal activities. I was barely present when the transaction happened. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4366 My client strenuously denies the allegations of being a ventriloquist. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4367 How did you know I'm President Twitter's new lawyer? 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4368 I want to talk directly to you about your goals for this year. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4369 You clicked “I agree” so here is your hard copy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4370 I want to change my first name to "Cormac." 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4371 Here's another contribution to your book "Posting meaningless pieces of paper for dummies." 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4372 A tiny mouse, tiny paper...sigh... all commercial items are now made for tiny hands due to everyone trying to gain favor with the President. And here I am, needing to dumb myself down to be able to handle it all. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4373 One ticket back to the normal-sized world, please. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4374 Clean out your desk, Ackerman. NO one calls me a big dummy and gets away with it! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4375 Jim can't make it to your party. He'll be sick on Saturday. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4376 If he doesn't stop touching my butt this will be an EEOC complaint. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4377 I need you to tell me what I think about this? 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4378 Here's another witty posting for your quote board. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4379 This is the phony doctor's note, I wrote for him yesterday to prevent him from coming in and murdering everyone in the office. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4380 Steve's trying get better at delegating, so he bought me and learned ventriloquism: here's what you have to do today. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4381 No more derogatory names; meet my 'Cleaner.' 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4382 I spoke to the lawyers about plausible deniability so just it. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4383 Anover cleek from Clesicenk Clunk. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4384 You can learn a lot from a dummy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4385 It's actually mini-me that's Type A, and doesn't like your report. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4386 I always have to do all the work. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4387 When I said "Learn how to write a resume," I did not mean read 'Resumes for Dummies'. 1.1111 0.06531 45 42 1 2
4388 Ventriloquism is not a disease, you dummy! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4389 Yes, that’s right, Ted, we’re downsizing. Now guess what his note says. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4390 Since you've complained to everyone that your boss is a dummy, this is the perfect way to give you your pink slip! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4391 Here are this week's numbers, and they aren't looking good, Bob. Even a dummy like you can figure that out. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4392 You'll see from his resume that he's no dummy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4393 When's your dummy shaming going to end? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4394 I’m your new boss. This is my puppet. This is letter says you’re fired. You have an hour to clear your desk and leave. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4395 I've been transferred, here's your contract to replace me. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4396 This is my list of recommendations for the reorganization. I’m focusing primarily on less oversight. 1.1111 0.06531 45 42 1 2
4397 I am legal, Made in America, but the guy holding me is not. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4398 My client will henceforth be represented by professional counsel in this matter of personnel. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4399 I'm this jerk's attorney. His law is cruelty. Mine demanding writ. Beware! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4400 Our daughter is selling Girl Scout Cookies. 1.1111 0.06531 45 42 1 2
4401 Howdy Doody's turning over in his grave. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4402 You should know better, there is a misplaced comma! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4403 'Cartooning For Dummies', first draft. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4404 It was HIM! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4405 This memo was sub-par. I expected better, and frankly I don't have time to worry about whether you will turn in quality work. We certainly pay you well enough to get your best effort every time. Please consider these points in your next draft. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4406 Your brother just gave me this note that proves you are the real dummy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4407 I want a raise and I don’t mean a taller chair 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4408 You told me to keep the memo short.............. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4409 The first 5 lines talks about how good of a worker you are. The last line says you're fired. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4410 Here's the edits for your Tweeting Etiquette for Dummies book. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4411 So you don't see the humour in being fired by an Adolf Hitler look-a-like puppet? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4412 Do you think she’ll like it? 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4413 From one stooge to another, you're fired 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4414 Had to hand write it. IT still has my computer. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4415 In an effort to minimize meetings, management has instructed us to send smaller versions of ourselves. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4416 I'm suing you for divorce! Who's the dummy now? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4417 It isn't polite to stare. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4418 I’m Assessment Andy and I’m here to say: your implicit bias score is not O.K. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4419 Wood you just take a closer look at this?! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4420 #TreeToo. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4421 Hi, my name is Woody and here's the list of our high voltage electric cars I'm in charge of plugging in. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4422 You're fired. Ifyay ouyay antway otay ithay omeonesay, aimyay orfay ethay ummyday. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4423 The day after the snowflakes shout us down at our "free-speech zone" table on the quad - and I’ve got video - this op-ed piece appears in the student newspaper: "Fascist, hate-mongering dummies have no place on campus! Whom do they really speak for?” 1.1111 0.06531 45 42 1 2
4424 File this in petty cash. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4425 You've called me "Dummy" often enough, I decided to go with it. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4426 It is a lot easier to fire people when you use a dummy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4427 Which one of you guys is the dummy? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4428 What? You wanted me to dummy up some charges against the guy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4429 I get to speak for him, but with this summons you will have to speak for yourself. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4430 No one gets away with calling me a puppet of the Administration - out you go, Buster! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4431 I hope you will pay particular attention to my talents and skills. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4432 Yes, I am as sure that you are working this weekend as I am that somebody's hand is up my ass. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4433 Am I too short for this job? 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4434 Get this reklort to ny desk gy thour o'clock or you're thired. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4435 my credentials are impeccable- take my word for it! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4436 As a non living entity I am obliged to tell you that I am unaccountable to any legal perjury. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4437 Sorry, Ted, you're fired. This is straight from the top. I said, "Give the guy a raise!," but did they listen? My hands are tied. 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4438 The boss would like you to report to the water cooler, so he can show you how he can puppet me while drinking a glass of water 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4439 1,247 days....that's how long I have to wait until retirement thought Bob. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4440 Get this report done you dummy! 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4441 Report to human resources for calling me a dummy. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4442 Do I look like I play Bridge? 1.1111 0.05705 45 41 3 1
4443 My son drew you this to hang on your wall. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4444 Here are my measurements, Bagwell: regular, not short with one string and two levers in the back! 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4445 Your dummy is not entitled to a refund. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
4446 The tone of your memo couldn't be more obnoxious if read out loud, but I'll give it a try. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4447 "Your latest post about working for a passive aggressive didn't go unnoticed. Here's your pink slip. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4448 I need your help at the corporate fridge, the steaks are too high. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4449 Please post this. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4450 FYI, I have this sworn statement that declares you're an even BIGGER dummy than I am. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4451 Johnson, I am denying your raise request." Roberts, the man holding me however was all for it. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4452 You owe me $20 on my expense account for my trip to puppet school. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4453 Moral cowardice? Just clear out your desk, or maybe I should call Security? 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4454 I am the new vice president of Personnel. Here is your review. I am the new vice president of Personnel. Here is your review. I am ........... 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4455 I want you to get this out to Willie Tyler and Lester as soon as possible. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4456 Gerald's boss is such a dummy. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4457 Can you copy this for me? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4458 I'm the new VP (Ventriloquist Puppet). 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4459 My new book title -- "Patel to the Metal: Net Neutrality is for Dummies" 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4460 Look at this tiny man. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4461 Hey! I've heard you like notes 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4462 His lips aren't moving, so it can't be a lie...get this out to the media pronto! 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4463 Here’s some real news. Your hands are smaller than mine. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4464 Beware , There is not only an E mail , But also a paper trail . 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4465 What do you mean an avatar took my job? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4466 I happen to like you. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4467 You have to post it. You're the poster child. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4468 It's for you. Dirk Dirth Lipschitz. Stwanky spanky stew looking at stew. Here's some stew looking at.. stew. Stew's for.... Stew. That's my friend, nice to meet.. stew. You're stew? Oh, I mean, you'reeee STEW? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4469 HR would like to see you up on 47 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4470 Be advised: Stricter employee management practices will be enacted. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4471 For another 500 for me I’ll ditch the big guy 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4472 Jim, Bring Your Kid To Work Day was last week. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4473 Let "n"e tell you a "th"ew "t"ro"d"le"n"s I ha"th"e with your "t"er"th"or"n"ance. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4474 I need you to dummy up a copy. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4475 Adding the mustache didn't make it look any less like you, Paul. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
4476 I arrest you for espionage in the name of Hammourabi. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4477 The boss here says he's too embarrassed to deliver your pink slip in person. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4478 Not to obfuscate and, strictly speaking, I am not speaking for myself, but I mean it, so do it anyway. 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
4479 The HR dummy has checked your recommendations and has concerns! 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
4480 No I'm not firing you, the dummy is... Now disconnect your hand and get out of here. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
4481 I know you're the most qualified to verify these figures, but stop calling me dummy! 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
4482 Corporate has informed me that any verbal abuse now needs to come from the dummy. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
4483 Ventriloquise this. See if you can improve on the idiot who's holding me. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
4484 Artificial intelligence is inhuman. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
4485 Here is a list of my grievances. Number one is I think you're a poser. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
4486 Bring-your-daughter-to-work day has been hard since Patty got custody. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
4487 I warned you, we'd have no strings attached, dummy. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
4488 Here is your report, you did okay on the coffee and the tea was meh, your math was bad but your science was out of this world, literary. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
4489 I’ve had enough of your degrading ‘mini’ memos. Company policy dictates A4 or Letter. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
4490 So what’s the problem? My guy will tell me what to tell you how to fix it! 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
4491 Many people are saying that your work is the most disastrous work they've ever seen. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4492 Sorry to have to let you go, but I can do twice the work cheaper. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4493 It's true we used the tax breaks to create new jobs at the company but we still have to let you go. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4494 You'll edit my wooden text and like it! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4495 Don't worry, you won't get stiffed. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4496 No, no puppet. You're the puppet. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4497 Everyone's gotta pitch in for the new suit. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4498 Here’s a tiny subpoena 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4499 My puppet needs to pink slip you. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4500 That’s right, you’re fired, stupid. President Trump says, ‘No more Mister Nice Guy.’ Didn’t you get the memo? 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4501 Do this or become mini me! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4502 I know you probably think talking to a dummy is strange, but if you can go and get me a ham and cheese on rye sandwich, I would appreciate it. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4503 Rudy, is that you?! 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4504 My Worst Enemy's Best Friend 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4505 He’s unable to throw his voice, so you’ll have to read that you’ve been laid off. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4506 I’m filing a formal complaint. I can’t seem to get this guy outta my business. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4507 Jones, even a dummy could write a memo better than this one. You'd better clean up your act, mister, or you're outta here! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4508 I'm just the messenger. Neither me or the guy behind me had anything to do with this work request. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4509 I’m impressed by how loudly you can yell without moving your lips. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4510 It's not a conspiracy theory. They really are trafficking dummies as sex slaves. Hi 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4511 Don't blame me. I'm only middle management. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4512 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will definitely be used against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, I the Jerry Mahoney Dummy, will be provided to you. You need not be a ventriloquist. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4513 Would you be able to assess the value of my small piece of paper? 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4514 Quick! Send this message to helpfordummies.com. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4515 Mini-me demands a small raise 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4516 I'm Dr. Harold Bornstump and I bring dictation. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4517 Don't move your lips, Dummy. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4518 They are always dumbing down the news. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4519 Mr. Marbles has some feedback, he thought your latest article was a bit wooden. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4520 I told you any dummy could have done that report 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4521 The Boss thinks even a dummy can do this! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4522 I may have a whole hand up my hind end, but you're getting the full boot. Take this pink slip. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4523 Call me a dummy if you like, but any idiot can see that there is something seriously wrong with your analysis 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4524 Sign this?! Pfff...make me. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4525 Why don't you order Herring-in-Wine Sauce? 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4526 Here's HR's standard "I resign" letter. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4527 Can't you read?! 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4528 No more complaints about the boss’ management style. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4529 We have a little problem w/ your recent reports 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4530 I’ve got a little project for you. But you can’t tell the boss. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4531 I think you're an ass, but he thinks you're quite the upstanding gentleman. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4532 Hello there, Greg! Looks like another pathetic progress report! 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4533 Please tell your boss how much you appreciate him, even if he'd fire you. 1.0976 0.06812 41 39 0 2
4534 I've been delegated to sack you for your numerous blunders. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4535 Caruthers here thinks you're a stand-up guy, but I think you're a nit-wit. You're fired! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4536 don't talk to me or my son ever again. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4537 Here is my Christmas list for Santa! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4538 I don’t care what flesh-and-blood Smithers said, I want this done by morning! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4539 The next time you call us both dummies, there will be no warning. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4540 This latest press release is an insult to dummies. I refuse to read it. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4541 We own you now. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4542 ..and finally, write the dismissal form for my bearer 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4543 That's your casual wear? 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4544 Those are patent violations, DUMMY! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4545 Jeff's feelings were hurt when you called him a dummy in the daily newsletter. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4546 John I don't know how to tell you this, so my puppet will. Puppet- "Here is your pink slip; you're fired. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4547 You're fired! Here's you pink slip. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4548 Are those the questions Mueller wants to ask the President? "No, President always knew them, he just was afraid to ask himself! 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4549 "Phantom of The Opera" at the beachfront amphitheater wasn't the best idea. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4550 Time for the company's annual harassment training. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4551 Massive layoffs, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4552 Talk to me 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
4553 Your suggestion that I get a new handler is declined! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4554 Pink slip or pinky slip. Welcome to Hollywood. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4555 Your pink slip. From now on, I'll be doing the commentary on "Fox and Friends." 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4556 I know you all think I'm a dummy, but I'm not this stupid. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4557 As much as I love your work product, it is just not “up to par” according to the Managing Partner. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4558 Hey! My eyes are down here! 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4559 You're practically glued to technology. Don't you think it's strange that you still use these things? 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
4560 No, it's "Snerd," not "nerd." 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4561 Do you have a minute to discuss your performance review? 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4562 Pink slipping someone is so much more fun when the puppet does it. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4563 Disagrees but I’m firing you 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4564 Only press print once. Everyone keeps seeing your income statement all over the office. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4565 Ahem...When the boss wants something, he gets it! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4566 Hire me, I’m no dummy! 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4567 My friend said you can only give one of us a raise and I vote for him. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4568 If you want your medical insurance back, admit publicly by Friday that I'm not a dummy. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4569 This is my new chandelure. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4570 HELP! I'm being fondeled! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4571 I'm sorry but we don't have the numbers to let you both take Friday off 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4572 I'm letting all the dummies know. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4573 Sorry about the bill, the dummy wrote it. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4574 I just got a raise, but I will keep working my way to the top. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4575 Hay asshole; I got the short straw, here's your summons. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4576 I'm going to need you to go ahead and read the Mini Me memo. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4577 In light of the recent cyber attack, our weekly memos will now be delivered by Norman. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4578 Due to our relationship, penmanship isn't our strong suit. But I figured- if we put our minds together, we could make something great. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4579 Even my two year-old is better at business. Get your numbers right! 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4580 Follow my voice and get out. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4581 I’m the boss now 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4582 Under the circumstances, calling you a dummy was NOT insubordination, sir. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4583 Here's my list of demands - starting with celebrating National Dummy Day! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4584 By order of Central Command, Puppets who pose as humans are not exempt. All must register . 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4585 Ok, big boy, here's your walking ticket. You won't be calling your boss a dummy around here anymore. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4586 Too dry! Try to inject a little personality into your report writing! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4587 "How did you know it's for sexual harassment? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4588 Why do your budget forecasts always come up short? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4589 The dummy here asked me to hand this to you. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4590 This is a petition against change of ownership. Your hands are WAY to small to operate me! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4591 Do you recognise this writing? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4592 The man with the hand in my pants thinks you should look at this one. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4593 McCarthy, I'm no dummy. This "anonymous" memo criticizing micromanagement around here clearly came from you. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4594 My friend here has a problem with your TPS reports. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4595 I recognize your critique of corporate bureaucracies, but I'm still gonna key your car after I pack my things. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4596 This crap about finger food in the office is totally insensitive, you tiny handed jerk. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4597 You asked for AI, but you still can’t believe I beat you ! 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4598 I'm pretty sure this will still be considered collusion 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4599 Just a minute. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4600 You’re fired Johnson! There’s only room for one dummies in this corporation. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4601 Did you get my 'man'mo? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4602 What about this as the children's menu ? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4603 It'll work. It's Cyrillic. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4604 Look, it's your choice -- but when I leave here SOMETHING is going to be up your ass. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4605 I lost my voice can you email this to the dummy behind me ? 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4606 Your resignation is being processed as we speak. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4607 “Bill is too polite. But, I’m gonna’ tell it to you straight. The ‘effect’ of your grammar is ‘affecting’ my sanity! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4608 No Sir, I'm not firing you, the dummy is. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4609 Here are my credential! Don't listen to my manager! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4610 Here's the new memo from upper management. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4611 John's mastery of puppeteering is no better observed than witnessing "The Writing of the Memo." 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4612 Here's a letter of recommendation for "one of the best people." 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4613 You didn't hear it from me, but these are your marching orders. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4614 Like myself, we've decided to cut you loose. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4615 This pier has gotten to fancy for me. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4616 I didn't want it to come to this, but I warned you about keeping your hands to yourself. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4617 It's libel—the Brits are calling me a pacifier for sucking on! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4618 Don’t listen to the dummy holding me! 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4619 You would shoot the messenger, would you? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4620 I have it on good authority that you will be spending more time with your therapist for the foreseeable future. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4621 i have a message from the master 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4622 I don't think you understand just how serious this matter is! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4623 Would you tell this idiot to get his hand out of my butt? He never listens to me. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4624 He's the brains; but I'm the boss of this outfit! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4625 You're fired...nothing personal. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4626 Here is a list of my work place demands--the most important of which is that you get this guys finger out of my back. 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4627 It’s take the boss’s kid to work day! 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4628 It's a petition for a divorce. Have you gotten yours yet? 1.0952 0.06652 42 40 0 2
4629 I am working on improving my conflict resolution skills. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4630 You think you know what I'm going to call you, don't you, Mr. Smartie. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4631 It's part of the new two-step verification process. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4632 Stop moving your lips and get out! 1.0952 0.05712 42 39 2 1
4633 I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this, but . . . 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4634 R.I.P. Mini-me. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4635 sorry 'bout that dummy pun last week. Here's my resignation. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
4636 This looks terrible. Do it again! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4637 This report will make you look like a dummy! 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4638 All consonants. They sound as written. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4639 You can't fool me--this is blatant plagiarism! 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4640 I've been very generous, yet angry, about all of this plagiarism coming from him, but do you think asking for a raise is futile at this particular juncture? 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4641 What do you mean ‘how did l get the mustache?’ He didn’t shave there, doofus! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4642 Process this expense report, or the dummy gets it! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4643 You are flyered! 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4644 As spokesman for the dummy CFO....I need to say we're bankrupt! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4645 Congratulations, you are also part of our cutting efforts. Here are your papers. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4646 I found this memo about your job performance on the floor over there. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4647 He is my mouth piece. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4648 I want to report Bill to HR for sticking his hand up my ass 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4649 Here's my honest feedback on your performance. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4650 As you can see you will be providing my travel services next month. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4651 Luddite Trump before Twitter. “You’re Fired!” 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4652 It’s like you wrote it in someone else’s voice. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4653 When I asked for SQL for dummies, this is NOT what I meant. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4654 It's a new app -- Lil' Selfie. When you'd rather keep your mouth shut." 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4655 He thinks you should take a look at your fourth quarter numbers 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4656 Hey dummy,here's your paycheck 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4657 Read my lips: there is no excuse for typos! 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4658 No, You're not. I'm P. C. Vey. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4659 Yeah...so I'm going to need talk to you about your TPS reports. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4660 Hi, I'm Michael Cohen. Do I sound like Michael Cohen? 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4661 I know I’m not supposed to, but since he’s such a dummy I wrote the memo for him 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4662 My ventriloquist is also a great mime. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4663 Here! Take this and stop ignoring my emails!!!! 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4664 How do you know I’m NOT a computer? 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4665 When you make your inner demons deliver the bad news 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4666 Phil. Buddy. Less is more. Bring it down a notch. No that is not a racist joke against you people. Phil, would you please be reasonable about this. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4667 I like you well enough Johnson, but my A.I. tells me I have to fire you. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4668 We really shouldn't have chipped in for that ventriloquism class for his birthday. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4669 This, Hodges, is how you dummy up a report. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4670 This dummy says that your TP Report has to be redone. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4671 ...me and my Dad want to know how to read this DNA analysis tuff 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4672 Forget what he says. Read this if you want to know the truth about that hand of his. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4673 Look at it this way: I'm Trump, he's Putin, and you're fired. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4674 allow me to introduce my partner. He’s not good at small talk but really has a nose for news. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4675 Please direct all further inquiries to my Press Secretary. 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
4676 I thought it felt a little light. Never expected a big one! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4677 These instructions are too small for him to read. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4678 He told me to tell you to stop being a bully to your employees and rewrite this article it sucks! 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4679 Instructions from management. Report back to me. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4680 Well, this is what we get for fishing in the Hamptons. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4681 From now on call me Mr. Dummy. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4682 ”You can keep your no strings attached letter, we’re seeing someone else. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4683 I'll need these TPS reports in duplicate. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4684 This thing is full of typos you human. 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4685 The Baccarat are biting. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4686 Don't look surprised, it's just the dummy file. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4687 Tweet this, see, or the Prez here gets it. You got me? 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4688 E-I-E-I-O-She wants a divorce! 1.0930 0.05582 43 40 2 1
4689 Type this up for our spokesperson. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
4690 Like he said, talk to the hand. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4691 It’s my dummy spit. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4692 You call this uplifting news? 1.0909 0.05458 44 41 2 1
4693 The boss says you're fired; and I'm your replacement! Here's your dismissal letter. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4694 ‘ Your short hand makes me think you’re the dummy’ 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4695 TRUMP-GATE UNCOVERS 30 MORE DOLL PAYMENTS 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4696 This report of yours leads me to believe that I'm not the biggest dummy in this office... 1.0909 0.06353 44 42 0 2
4697 Stu, what part of marionette Monday do you not understand? 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4698 Between you and me, the boss has kind of lost it. So I wouldn't complain about a little heavier workload. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
4699 Your numbers are shrinking Randy. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4700 Don't forget, bosses aren't the only ones that can be puppeteers. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4701 Yo, dummy! Didn’t you get the memo? You’re fired, along with the suit behind me. I’m 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4702 Here, just take this and don't be a dummy about it. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4703 I didn't say you're fired. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4704 This seemed like an appropriate way to deliver my "Sorry your right hand got shrunk in an acid spill" card. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4705 I just can't operate without having the upper hand. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4706 Jeff, the blow of being fired isn't lessened when it comes from a puppet. just tell me how long i have left on my health insurance. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4707 So sorry! When he opens his mouth, he likes to complaint. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4708 Email this memo to all departments - I will no longer stand for the shrinkage that has occurred in this company! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4709 Wow. Bonus creepy points for the dueling carbon copies, Todd. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4710 The Hitler Puppet rarely brings good news. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4711 My boss wants this included in the article. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4712 HR is confidential right? 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4713 No, he is my brother. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4714 I can verify his story, its true. I have proof on this paper! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4715 Bertrand, I'm not going to let you walk all over me any more. You're fired. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4716 This invoice is bogus and I'm speaking for both of us. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4717 He is a boss holder. Play it forward. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4718 If you think this is good enough, you're the dummy. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4719 He has assertiveness issues. Get me the online version of Ventriloquism for Dummies. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4720 He says he refuses to sign a contract that doesn't have a termite inspection clause! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4721 If you like, you can post your pink slip as you leave. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4722 You fire me on this pathetic note pad and can't even speak for yourself. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4723 Just think of it this way: Would you rather have, me, firing you? 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4724 He says it's a much larger problem than originally supposed. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4725 It's not me, it's my boss. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4726 Steve, here's our company's policy on using work computers to view pornography? You should be ashamed of yourself. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4727 s, I read your review. And I’ll have you know, I talk UP my dumm-ass, Stuart. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4728 Just talked to HR...You'll be hearing from our lawyer 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4729 And for another thing your call tell your client, Jeff Dunham.. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4730 This is it! I've had enough. This is a formal complaint I'm submitting to HR about your treatment of us "Constructed Americans". 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4731 Just let me know of any complaints you have on this form. I won't let it get back to your manager. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4732 Hi David, this is from the President...you didn't hear it from me. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4733 Not another compliant letter from this guy again! He must be a small man on the inside. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4734 If you want to hire my ventriloquist, please sign this contract. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4735 'All the news that's fit to print.' 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4736 EXECUTIVE ORDER FROM THE DUMMY....YOU'RE FIRED! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4737 More fake news you dummy--you're fired! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4738 Oye, Oye! Put down your mouse and hear the Man. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4739 You really need to get the finger out and knuckle down. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4740 Dance Puppet, Dance! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4741 My wife said no to the motorcycle. I’m not proud of this. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4742 I'm trolling for lampreys. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4743 Your prostate test results left me speechless. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4744 But is it sustainable? 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
4745 All I wanted was to lose a bit of weight. Start again! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4746 Nah, I'll pass. The act is already being done by Trump and Putin. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4747 My therapist says I should follow my passion. So take the felt memo! 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4748 The two of us will never compromise with you. This is our list of ten non-negotiable demands. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4749 Try ventriloquy. You reach a live audience. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
4750 Hey Bro, look alive! My device is messaging your device with today’s To Do List. You copy?! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4751 This is my mini-memo. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4752 Don’t shoot the messenger. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4753 This time card is for both of us. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4754 I'm sorry George, it's out of my control. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4755 Nobody pickpocket but a puppet 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4756 The big man said people won’t ask questions if the doll lets them go. 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4757 Sorry! We are replacing you with another dummy. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4758 No Brad, but I can see how you might be confused. I, your boss Greg, haven't said a word, it's Lil Greg making you stay late to edit this story for The New Yorker...LIL GREG! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4759 Is this some kind of joke, Terry? We do not send emails written completely in lower case? 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4760 The Post Office sent me 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4761 My inner gut person wants his opinion posted. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4762 It's my dummy manifesto. Read it and weep. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4763 What if I insulted your mother? 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4764 Just because we're dummies doesn't mean we're not smart. For example, I*m very smart. 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4765 It’s not me!! It’s you!! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4766 This is a warrant for your arrest for the theft of my spare right hand. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4767 Let's just say that when you wish upon a star to be a real CEO you really need to weigh all of the variables. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4768 Are you Trump? Your hands are small. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4769 Here's my expense report for hemorrhoid cream 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4770 I'm not a puppet! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4771 This is to help you figure out what I would do, be careful because the head is pretty thick. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4772 It's from corporate 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4773 My reporting will offer a refreshing new perspective, which is sorely needed today. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4774 Bob, youre fired” “Hey, thats not very nice! But you heatd him, hes the boss! 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4775 I’ll need you to work this weekend, and also verbally confirm you hold the puppet—I mean ME—100% responsible for that. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4776 In a world where mouths are shut closed....*read in movie introduction voice* 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4777 I'm the new Human Resources representative and this is our kinder, gentler pink slip procedure. YOU'RE FIRED!". 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4778 Scan and send this immediately or I will be blaring Wagner all day from my cubicle. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4779 No need to set me down Charles, we'll meet in my office -- that's filing cabinet 2A! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4780 Do you understand? 'Cause I really can't say it any clearer. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4781 If we don't get a raise?.. I keel you! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4782 Francis, here’s my chipotle order. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4783 Mouthpiece?! This guy hasn't said a word since "Normandy? Not a chance". And another thing.... 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4784 First on our list of demands is a translator for the hearing impaired. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4785 Grow it if you want to, but they're going to say it looks like Hitler's. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4786 As an assurance, we're redistributing the mission statement to dispel any notion of negligence or hidden agendas. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4787 It's still harassment if he says it. 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4788 Sorry about that- but I'm just a puppet in the game of life. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4789 You call that a report? I can even read and I know it's garbage. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4790 As public editor of the bulletin board, I submit these new regulations. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4791 He's mute, so I had to write down his demands. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4792 I know for a fact that you are accepting resume's from other dummies. 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4793 Who's the dummy that's sending around sheets of paper with lines on them? 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4794 The new boss is very anal about punctuality! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4795 The guy behind me said I just pooped in my pants! 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4796 We have a little problem here. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4797 I need these by Monday, dummy. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4798 After you read this, you're going to need a mouthpiece. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4799 The real trick is firing him next. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4800 I knew you were giving me the cold shoulder Ted, but now this? 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4801 It's a chande-lure. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4802 My friends cakk=== "My friends call me Adolf, damn them. 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4803 We need to talk about your TPS reports. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4804 Hey bucko, your expense reports are late! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4805 When he finishes his nap, please have Corky sign this and have it on my desk by end of day 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4806 I'm Michael's mouthpiece and this is your NDA. So just sign. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4807 I'd do it myself but I'm needed in the lunchroom 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4808 I might be the size of a hydrant your dog would pee on, but I built this company! Seward here wants to know what your dog does with your itty-bitty check. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4809 Please order 'Speech Therapy For Dummies'. 1.0769 0.05673 39 37 1 1
4810 I've told a hundred times -- as a small business owner, I can't afford for you to make mistakes. 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
4811 Goldmember will do something drastic if you don't start reading this memo from Mini-Me immediatement! 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4812 I'm warning you, don't try pulling strings on this puppet. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4813 I'm assuming you're here for the alto-tude 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4814 Your ideas are hollow. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4815 I'm one of the "people" he told you about. 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4816 Your DNA? My DNA? You still owe Facebook for the ad 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4817 I hate to be a micromanager, but I need a condensed version. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4818 The only difference between me and you is where this guy's hand is... not get the report done. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4819 My colleague has redrafted your proposal with your suggestions. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4820 Dummy? DUMMY? I'll tell you who's the dummy! 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4821 We've received this notice that you do not enjoy Wayland Flowers and Madame. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4822 "The big man said to give to give you this," the dummy said while handing him a Post-It sized pink slip. 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4823 Can you turn this into a PDF? 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4824 I am Mr. Big, the new CEO. If my wife calls, tell her I'm taking a shortcut so I don't sound like a dummy. 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4825 The pay’s good, but everyone laughs at me when I say something. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4826 I'm gonna need you to finish this report for me, I'm still learning how to type. 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4827 Every individual is at first a puppet; giving orders and a false ego, failing to see themselves and others as anything more. Only the eye of a simpleton can see the presence of the person hidden behind it. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4828 In the name of our beloved Dept of Redundancy Dept, stop being so efficient! 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4829 We made the company tiny-handball finals. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4830 Unintelligible! What are you, some kind of dummy! 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4831 Fired! 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4832 I don't care about Lily's parents getting divorced Jim! We are not a puppet therapy agency anymore. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4833 I don't care about testimonials! You are too old for the Bergen/McCarthy routine, period. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4834 Management has decided to lay off your department. But you didn’t hear this from me. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4835 You’ve got to stop putting words in my mouth! 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4836 They all said my PowerPoint was too boring. 1.0750 0.05533 40 38 1 1
4837 Is that a new expense report? 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4838 RTFM, Dummy! 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4839 Listen to me-he's the real dummy. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4840 You can’t believe everything that comes out of my mouth so I’ve written it down. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4841 Well something is biting! 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4842 Don't think that our competition are dummies. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
4843 I'm so glad Daddy made me learn cursive, Uncle Bill. 1.0732 0.05399 41 39 1 1
4844 I'm debating whether to keep or release! 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4845 "Johnson! If you keep forgetting to include Mr. Leibowitz here in the expense report, I'm going to have to let you go. I won't stand for things to be overlooked in this office. 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4846 I would like to find my other half, please. 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4847 This is my proctologist's number-tell him I've got this guy's hand stuck up my ass 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4848 I know you said ventriloquism, but Web MD says you might be insane. 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4849 This just in: suck less! 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4850 83rd directive from the CEO today.... 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4851 Hi Wilson. This is your set-up-to-fail flat management structure memo. 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4852 Just send the damn report to the IRS and as the new CFO I’ll take the responsibility. This goofball Pilchard breathing over my shoulder is totally out of the loop now. 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4853 The Phitzbinder Contract is with Fitzbinder you dummy! 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4854 Human, your hand is almost as small as mine. 1.0732 0.05399 41 39 1 1
4855 So...Smith tells me that you keep making fun of me, Walters...keep telling people about the "monkey on my back"... 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4856 You're fired! Silly puppet. 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
4857 On orders from the Attorney General, Cease and Desist. 1.0714 0.04022 42 39 3 0
4858 Check it out: this is the age of the dummy. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
4859 I need this done by Wednesday. It isn’t a tall order. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
4860 I'm the new beneficiary for his life insurance policy. 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
4861 Clerk, I am proud to present my registration to run for Congress...me, not him. 1.0571 0.05714 35 34 0 1
4862 Boss, you asked for that one reason why you shouldn't fire us. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4863 This is the last time I go fishing in Lake Champagne. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4864 I maybe small, but my Resume is Large, you Need me ! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4865 Stewart, I think you dropped this... 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4866 I may look like a dummy Henderson, but really, ten bucks for a gottle of geer? 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4867 I should've took a sick day. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4868 "I may be a dummy, but I can still read. Re-do this...too many clichés". 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4869 These are the accounts i lost, feel free to beat me senseless. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4870 Re-do this TPS report 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4871 Finish this by the end of the day, without moving your lips 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4872 CGI be damned, I am not a robot or a fake--I'm a real midget! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4873 Here's the CFO memo about working time-and-a-half after 5. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4874 He is the only one on the circuit that texts and he still receives all the laughs. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4875 John's boss was a cutting-edge micro-memo-manager. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4876 Jeez Dad. I know he’s the boss but could you tell him to put me down already? 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4877 hey did you see my new puppet he wrote up a good story for you 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4878 The boss's little brother was such a corporate puppet. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4879 Watch, and be amazed, as you will finish all your reports while drinking that glass of water. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4880 Clean out your desk! The department is scaling down! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4881 Please, put me down! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4882 It's not me. It's the little guy. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4883 It's just we're putting new cover sheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4884 Three bossy me has more work for you. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4885 No, the ad did not request a man-who-can 1.0571 0.05714 35 34 0 1
4886 Literally translates to 'receivership'. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4887 Mini tweet prompter 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4888 Someone thought you could use these instructions on how to replenish the coffee. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4889 Sorry Smithers, Peanut says you're fired. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4890 This note comes with no strings attached. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4891 Well, I TOLD you it was a dummy corporation. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4892 I’m no dummy, I put my money where my mouth is! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4893 ...und mit meinen talking points, we can miss hitting our Alt-Right nincompoop demographics. Ich habe die besten talking points. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4894 One of these days my caption will be nominated for the New Yorker Caption contest. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4895 You big dummy! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4896 Here’s the notice. Either one of us gets a raise or he’s leaving. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4897 Dr Mendelssohn says I must be removed from slack with immediate effect. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4898 Actually, you're the puppet. I'm the consigliere. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4899 Here’s your paycheck, dummy. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4900 I am your specially down-sized AI replacement. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4901 Today's micro memo, announcing that micro memos can now have five lines of typed text. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4902 Perhaps THIS will refresh your memory ! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4903 As new Global Head of Echstermination, I regret to inform you zat chu are gone tomorrow, und for me, tomorrow ze vorld. 1.0571 0.05714 35 34 0 1
4904 I want you to revisit your analysis of the "Enlarge-O Ray". I think your calculations are off. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4905 Sue him, for breach of contract! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4906 you know how hard it is to be a pathetic boss who is doing his job as well? 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4907 My tree surgeon says you won't honor this claim. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4908 Bait's getting so expensive I've started just using whatever I have around the house 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4909 I've been told you'll run the numbers. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4910 Get a load of our new accessory for the i Phone 8. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4911 Could you be a doll? 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4912 I'm sorry, Johnson. Your dummy text just isn't meeting our standards. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4913 I think this budget memo is sophomoric, and the conclusions unsubstantiated by the data. Mr. Davis doesn't think so, but I do. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4914 Legal won't let me deliver pink slips in person anymore. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4915 This milk toast says you’re fired. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4916 Here’s a list of things I want you to do RIGHT NOW! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4917 You're so fired. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4918 Puppeteer is a mime 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4919 Wanna play War or Go Fish at lunch? 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4920 We are suing you for sexually harrassing rodents. Back away from the mouse sir! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4921 I need an appointment for new dentures ASAP. 1.0571 0.05714 35 34 0 1
4922 Here’s our driver’s license application. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4923 Here are the papers showing I'm not a formerly conjoined twin. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4924 Yes, I know Mr. Sanderson promised he’d never fire you. So I’m the one who is giving you your termination papers instead. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4925 Tell this guy from HR to get his hand out of my-oh, just read my memo! 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4926 Who's the dummy? 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
4927 I'm of two minds on your proposal, Bill. Simplify it "for dummies," and try again. 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4928 Silence, I beel you! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4929 As his lawyer, can you remind him about the order directing him NOT to call me "dummy"? 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4930 Up here, Darryl...I'm up here. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4931 This requisition is unacceptable. Be more assertive. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4932 Here's that memo you missed about not being a horrible co-worker. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4933 “... looky here Mr. news guy, this is from my book, “fibs for dummies”. Your stories are not nosy enough! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4934 And here are all the answers you were looking for. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4935 Your puppet is waiting for you at HR. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4936 My resignation letter. But if I change my mind, it will never hold up in court! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4937 You didn't hear it from me, but the boss is making you work this Sunday. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4938 Here is your pink slip. Your services will no longer be required. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4939 Johnson, here's your pink slip. I heard you tell someone that I was just a puppet leader. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4940 Read my lips: you're a dummy!! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4941 You are flyered! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4942 Guess what we got you for your birthday? 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4943 When your boss reminds you of mandatory overtime. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4944 This is definitely not Mark telling you to do the thing you don't want to do by the day you don't want to do it by. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4945 I’m tired to be accused of double talking. From now on everything will be in writing. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4946 As a precaution, we always work through a minor at this stage. This way the prosecution would need to demonstrate kid pro quo to make a convincing case. 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4947 The Dilbert writer will knock this one out of the park. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4948 Think sexual discrimination in the workplace, and ask yourself; where is his finger? 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4949 Can you translate this from Cursive to Comic Sans? 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4950 "Here's that report you asked for" "Thanks guys. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4951 ...not asking you to do this FOR me. Just give me a hand. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4952 Here's another memo. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4953 You have to plug it in if you want to electrocute the fish. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4954 Someone posted the private data of all our customers on Facebook; we thought you could help undo that. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4955 You think he's so smart, he never beats me at chess. Go figure that. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4956 Abrams will be happy. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4957 Next time, put my role as an 'ominous presence' in the lede. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4958 There is not enough badda bing badda bang in this contract. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4959 We just pulled some strings! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4960 Sorry, Steve. I like you but this has been imposed upon me by a higher authority. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4961 Hate to be such a hard-ass, but if we left it up to him nothing would ever get done around here. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4962 I'm not the dummy - you're the dummy. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4963 This is already the fifteenth caption you've told me to submit! I never knew that writing for The New Yorker was such hard work! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4964 Thank the maker - he's resigned! 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4965 You better not cross me again or I'll pull out the 'old grandma' puppet! Have fun telling her no! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4966 Hang the messenger not the message if you don't like it. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4967 Where is your jacket?...and read the memo!...by the way I love being lifted... 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4968 New policy: no more emails. Only we-males. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4969 One of your reminder lists was on the floor. He asked me to return it to you and add a note to search ‘Sticky Notes for Dummies.’ 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4970 I was told everyone in the office needed to purchase one by Monday 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4971 My Dad owns this company so do everything on my list immediately, you idiot. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4972 Find the giraffe, officer. He’s got a nose-hair-moustache. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4973 Sorry, but we're going to have to let you go. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4974 As your manager's personal assistant, I regret to inform you you're fired. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4975 Please include the receipt with your expense report you wood-headed American. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4976 Ignore the dummy behind me. We'll need your downsizing plan by tomorrow. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4977 Here's a singing telegram from your boss. ??'You're fired!'?? 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4978 Maybe, just maybe, these memos aren’t too small for you but you’re too big for these memos 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4979 Throat still sore, need a refill on teak oil. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4980 I'm not approving your overtime, Bob, just because Ted here talks in his sleep. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4981 I’m really sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4982 Simplify your report so that even a dummy could understand it. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4983 In this case, neither of us is the dummy 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4984 ‘ RT takeover.’ 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4985 Y 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4986 His hands are so cold that I'm forced to wear Long Johns. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4987 Last week I reeled in one of the Lenin sisters. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4988 Take my hand please, now open your mind, open your mind to me" "OPEN YOUR MIND 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4989 We couldn't afford new electronic pocket memos so here is your new analog. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4990 They're never going to take us seriously if you keep shaving your mustache without telling me first! 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4991 Bob realizes he's nobody's puppet. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4992 S'downsize? S'downsize. 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
4993 I understand you want to fire FRED but, “I” just got PROMOTED...how’s THAT gonna work? 1.0556 0.05556 36 35 0 1
4994 Everybody says they want to save the Rec Center but nobody wants to do the grunt work. 1.0541 0.05405 37 36 0 1
4995 No, *you're* the corporate puppet! 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
4996 Why did you give this dummy this no he just repeats what I say. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
4997 Big Fred wants to know if you are the one tweeting about dummies at work? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
4998 While the servers are down, please read this forwarded email. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
4999 Your 'little man, little memo' sense of humor is trying our patience, Mr. Pickens! 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5000 The Office reboot has not been well received. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5001 Look, I'm sorry benefits got cut again but don't shoot the messenger. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5002 It's from your mother. It says stop sending me e-mails and come to dinner this Friday. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5003 We're from the firm Judge-Altuve. You've been served. 1.0541 0.05405 37 36 0 1
5004 Will no one take responsibility for happens around here? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5005 Yes, this is a formal complaint for criticizing Mr. Johnson's wooden affect. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5006 The safety procedure you wrote here could have used a little more work. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5007 Taking into account that I am a dummy, this work should surprise you. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5008 it is just not my voice 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5009 The dummy says your fired. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5010 Let's see if you can send this message without moving your fingers... 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5011 Speak up, why is a dummy delivering your resignation? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5012 The $75? It's a standard handling fee. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5013 Be distracted with this while he tickles my butt. 1.0541 0.05405 37 36 0 1
5014 All these memos you send me are just lines on paper. Dont you think I'm a dummy?! 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5015 Your mind is my puppet. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5016 Roger, your names for Melania's platform are difficult for her ventriloquist to say. We need something shorter. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5017 Honestly, I find it offensive that you would request a wood chipper for our offices. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5018 You need to fill out your TPS Reports! 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5019 From the Donald Trump school of ‘You’re fired’ 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5020 I don’t have a Twitter account so you’re fired. 1.0541 0.05405 37 36 0 1
5021 Send this out to the shipping department, Jenkins. We've come up with a whole new angle on handling. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5022 I am your new supervisor. Because I am mute this is how we will communicate. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5023 Ignore the dummy behind me as this is your final notice! 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5024 Here is your vbucks pay check plus your mom gay 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5025 Pence, I told YOU...quit playing with Eric!" 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5026 We'll have more news on this story at eleven. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5027 I have a minor complaint to file... 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5028 Please take a minute to review our new policy regarding personal accountability. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5029 What on earth were you thinking when you wrote this? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5030 Pee See? MAC, you'll never succeed here, hear? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5031 Tom's dummy, "Izzy," demands a raise. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5032 Heh, listen down. I may look small, but I've got BIG ideas. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5033 Don't say a word or I'll tell your wife about you know who... 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5034 I'll pay for the damage, since I was driving. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5035 I said: "Bring me a small LYRE." Did I stutter? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5036 How else do you expect me to get some caviar? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5037 New rule from the redundancy department, we all need to have a corporate puppet. Who could say no to that!? 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5038 Show a little respect to the winner of the Hitler lookalike contest. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5039 I am using my inside voice. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5040 No! You're the dummy! 1.0541 0.05405 37 36 0 1
5041 Nothing about 'lips moving' is relevant to your botched report. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5042 It seems I've fundamentally misunderstood some of the details of this new minimum wage law. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5043 You owe me for not honoring your budget deal with me. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5044 Don't blame him, this list of work demands was all my idea, dumb-ass! 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5045 We detailed the number of strings you've pulled to manipulate the office dummies. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5046 Management has decided that you have been touching too many butts, lately. 1.0541 0.03769 37 35 2 0
5047 We should never have merged with Puppet Emporium... 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5048 You should SIA the one I caught last week. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5049 "I'm cutting your payment". 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5050 This expense report makes no cents! 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5051 This idea is all mine, mine! And it's the bestest one to make dumbass idiots account for my, uh their stupidity! Sing it, D me me mine T 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5052 Are you busy? I’ve got a small favor to ask. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5053 Very funny Johnson, but I can read a quarterly report in Sanskrit. I'm no dummy ya know. 1.0526 0.05263 38 37 0 1
5054 Every day (every day) Every day (every day) Every day (every day) Every day I write the booook. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5055 I'm the real boss, and you're fired! 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5056 You left this on the printer, dummy. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5057 Get this done for me dummy! 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5058 I’m not reading this crap! 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5059 The entertainment committee voted, they want Jeff Dunham and Peanut again. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5060 This is National Take Your Daughters to work day. I have no daughters, so I brought my son. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5061 This is gibb 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5062 Here's my resume. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5063 The meaning of life? Who cares! I can teach you a great walking bass. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5064 John, is like you to meet Peter. He’s our new director of HR. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5065 George, have these done by 5. And for the love of God, no more skinny ties in the office. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5066 This is a list of my demands and how you can contact my agent. 1.0526 0.05263 38 37 0 1
5067 No, YOU call the EAP. 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
5068 You might be using the wrong bait. 1.0526 0.05263 38 37 0 1
5069 Legally as your boss, it is my job to come over to annoy you with work 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5070 We have found the sunken stage setting of "The Phantom." 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5071 Here’s his two weeks, he’s finally following his dreams. 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5072 You know how important tree conservation is to me, I would have preferred that you sent the new memo on going paperless via email. 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5073 We work as a team so the Coffee Break has to be extended to accommodate me. 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5074 Rather than promoting one of my wooden employees, I've chosen this highly capable puppet to be my second-in-command. 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5075 Your quarterly evaluation shows a little improvement. 1.0513 0.03578 39 37 2 0
5076 oh yeah man, 'Girls' only got made cuz Jeff Dunham's her dad – he's a major shot caller 1.0500 0.03490 40 38 2 0
5077 Based on this report you filed, you're the REAL dummy 1.0500 0.03490 40 38 2 0
5078 We refuse your request under dummy-hand privilege. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
5079 His wife wants him to keep me. Now read the memos. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5080 I got the copy machine to work, but I’m going to need you to make this fax. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5081 let me call you sweeheart 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5082 Johnson! Your spelling is as rough as a hand up the butt! 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5083 Gerald! He was on yankees youth team, HIRE THIS GUY! 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5084 Type in: get a grip on reality. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5085 He can't handle letting you go ---- EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5086 Where's my tax relief? 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5087 hate to break it to you Bill; but when the boss says so, the deal is done. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5088 You and I both know that this is the only way you would take me seriously. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5089 You vill either sign or resign! 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5090 You either have a dummy or... 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5091 I’ve got his proxy 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5092 If you don’t get this done, I’ll stick my hand so far up... 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5093 Blame ME, blame ME... You're fired! 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5094 Watch your elbow! You don't want to spill on your hand and then have to cover it up. Trust me. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5095 See here? Serial number 88253012727--that IS my chair. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5096 My eyes, look in my eyes. Time to see what your tiny hands can do. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5097 Hello, Mr. Sammy. Mr. Big Boss asked Mr. Little Boss if he could ask you if you could tell us the color of this slip? Is is yellow, white, blue, or maybe is it pink? 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5098 Excuse me Monahan, if you would step in to our office, briefly, Mr Downsize would like to have a word with you. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5099 It's hard to tell you, but Billy Bob's Beverage Bottlers is unpleased with your performance. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5100 You know the rules, we have to throw back anything post-Victorian 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5101 You should have seen the ceiling that got away 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5102 I want a fish with good taste. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5103 Jim, corporate wants you to organize another tickle party for the office. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5104 I completely forgot that we were starting that up today. I did just Amazon one though. It should be here by Wednesday. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5105 It is to, pink. 1.0312 0.03175 32 31 1 0
5106 I know what you're thinking. And no, finishing this has not been a stick up my bum. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5107 He's the dummy. I get everything right and you do what I say. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5108 I'll trade you a pair of cement shoes and a men's ankle bracelet. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5109 My name is Send, and I am giving you Fred's report yesterday. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5110 I know that digital skill is pivotal, but I didn't properly pivot, so I'm submitting my divot. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5111 What do you make of this? Cursive? 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5112 No one else could gather the courage to tell you that you’re fired. Here’s your notice to vacate the building and we’ve done you the courtesy of moving your belongings to the sidewalk. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5113 It's time for your sexual harassment training. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5114 Bye bye!! 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5115 ...a little word of advice, Jim. You've got to make yourself less indispensable. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5116 The CEO wants you to take a look at the new Artifical Intelligence system his son has invented. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5117 Smith, you're fired. Not even a dummy would like your report! 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5118 Dummies. Bosses hand occupied up an ass...and everyone in the office wins! 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5119 I may be a wooden-head, but I know porn when I see it. You're fired! Here's your walking papers. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5120 If we go further out, we may be able to catch the entire living room set. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5121 That invoice speaks for itself while you do not. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5122 Unable to cope with confrontation, Arnold brought along his alter ego, fuhrer figure to deliver the bad news. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5123 Here's your pink slip, dummy. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5124 Job swap's come through. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5125 You are hereby notified of a serious lack of ventriloquism--your third warning. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5126 Don't argue with me; I'm sitting in the left hand of God. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5127 When did your arms grow a face? 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5128 It's Laughable Friday. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5129 You didn't hear it from me, but we're being going out of business; sell your shares. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5130 I may be a dummy. But unlike you two, at least I don't take orders from one. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5131 THIS IS COMPLETELY TRUE 'NON-FAKE' NEWS THAT SAM IS YOUR MOST LOYAL AND BEST WORKER. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5132 Since I can only speak for myself, Bob and I wrote a list of our concerns. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5133 Potato is a six letter words Sal, can you just do something normal for once. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5134 This is your last one. We have eliminated your job. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5135 We find the IRS's finding that I am a 'dummy' very ill-informed. I am just one 'dummy' among many in this government. Most of them get appropriate deductions. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5136 Buddy here has a sample of the new TPS report format we'd like you to use ... 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5137 Is all this bureaucracy really necessary?" "Shut up, dummy. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5138 Here is another who we should have thrown out with the bathwater. He too wants to resign after growing up in the tub. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5139 Make the corrections before the boss finds out. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5140 It's a national movement to fire employees with small hands. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5141 He'd give you a hand with this list, but HR told him no. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5142 “Heigh ho, heigh ho it’s off to work we go...” is not my rallying cry. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5143 I’m gonna need this typed up into a smaller letter. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5144 Hi Dale. As per our HR agreement, I'm obligated to give you this list of everything you do that annoys me. Your coffee slurping has been out of control lately. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5145 This is way cheaper than using a consultant. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5146 Goo goo gah gah. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5147 I represent the the President and require you to cease and desist in spreading the lies about my client. Where is your restroom? 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5148 I hired him to carry me around--I call him "Mini-me" 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5149 I tried that Matt Damon Downsizing thing, but it didn't take. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5150 My wife said she wanted to celebrate our anniversary by candle light. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5151 Just making use of my Dummies for Doers collectible 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5152 Take this back. I do hand ups not hand outs. 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5153 this will increase our emlpoyers productivity: 'how to be loved by your puppeteer' 1.0303 0.03077 33 32 1 0
5154 You didn't hear me? Why do I have to say everything twice ? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5155 I’m being billed for a 10” pianist? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5156 If I give you your paper can I have my hand back? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5157 This dummy has serious problems. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5158 This is a subpoena for the clueless blockhead in the corner office. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5159 Please excuse the crayon. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5160 You’ve been Snerd. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5161 I'm his new robot. Would you like to sign our confidentiality agreement? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5162 Another reprimand regarding the suit jacket dress code. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5163 "Nonsense. You have no right to classify me as an undocumented immigrant 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5164 You've been accused of nepotism. You're fired. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5165 Y 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5166 Can you have the memos person size? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5167 You'll have to stay late for this. Sorry, orders straight from the bottom. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5168 Steve, I'm afraid you can't keep skirting your responsibilities like this. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5169 Another victim of a mid-century renovation. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5170 Whaddaya mean condoms aren’t approved requisition items? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5171 The boss says he needs this by 3 P.M. or you're fired. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5172 It says, if you don't agree to a raise by the end of the day he's going to kill me. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5173 What the hell, Bob. Bergen & Snerd is a paperless office! 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5174 Hey! That's one of my favorite porn sites you're on! Isn't that Stormy? 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5175 Put this one on your chin and read the others back to me. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5176 Management says this stinks 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5177 I’ still in training, but should be walking by next week. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5178 So, we now have oversight on all expenditures. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5179 There isn't a wedding. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5180 That's right, I'm the consigliere. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5181 The dummy says your a faggot and he caught you guzzling cum 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5182 I feel like we haven’t seen eye to eye on this project. 1.0294 0.02985 34 33 1 0
5183 Dance puppet. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5184 What's with your short and sweet meeting memo? 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5185 Nothing personal, hit the road load. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5186 I am not making two TPS reports 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5187 Mum's the word, this authorization is straight from the top. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5188 I made him cheat so he won’t have to go to prison. Just me. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5189 I demand a Termite free stage 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5190 Wanna get lunch? 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5191 I will have my revenge. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
5192 Tag, Untermeyer. You're it! 1.0278 0.02817 36 35 1 0
5193 My fist was about this deep. 1.0278 0.02817 36 35 1 0
5194 Your mother thinks I'm the best lawyer to give you her subpoena 1.0278 0.02817 36 35 1 0
5195 He is my reference. ("is" in italics) 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5196 HR says you get severance if I fire you. My friend here is technically not an employee. Here's your termination notice. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5197 Your avatar posts anonymous comments. Mine writes notes. Who’s the creepy one? 1.0000 0.03279 31 31 0 0
5198 Virtual assistance patent troll last known location. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5199 This one can't be accused of having "perfect smoky eye" 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5200 P.C. Vey? More like oy vey 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5201 Here's another post'em note for dummies. 1.0000 0.03279 31 31 0 0
5202 This puppet will explain to you workers comp. 1.0000 0.03279 31 31 0 0
5203 "You know my reporting is always independent and legit! I tell'ya, this Russian laundry reciept the biggest scoop since Rosebud! 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5204 I guess that’s why the locals call it eBay 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5205 May God strike me dead if this isn't the truth. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5206 An urgent he-mail message. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5207 He blames it on the Russians but my voter data has been compromised and he voted twice - not nice,not nice at all. 1.0000 0.03175 32 32 0 0
5208 I tried snail mail, but it was too slimy. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5209 You've been SERVED for impersonating the best Ventriloquist Act this side of Queens.... 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5210 No, you're safe. Read my lips: "No new axes." 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5211 Pin this one to your forehead dummy. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5212 Sign here or you'll anger the big guy. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5213 Hey, Carl, I'm Lil' David! I've terminated your contract. Pack up your desk. 1.0000 0.03279 31 31 0 0
5214 I told you to give the mayor a pizza. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5215 We found your screenplay 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5216 I know the boss said he would never ask you again, but... 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5217 You, cannot change a Trump Story! 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5218 I was told that I need to work on how I micromanage. Anyway, another woman came forward accusing you of unwelcome advances. Here's a resignation letter for you to sign. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5219 This kid of yours is something else, he’s got a lot to say! 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5220 So ding dang sorry but they're dumping you. Here's your termination notice. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5221 I am tired to be blamed for his incompetence on Twitter. I quit my job now! 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5222 This directive is ridiculous!! Just sayin'. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5223 He's a newbie at throwing his voice. He wants to fall back on scribble. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5224 Sorry for the bad news. Don't kill the messenger because these puppets are expensive! 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5225 Wow! You're gonna to get Titanic results with that one! 1.0000 0.03175 32 32 0 0
5226 Bob, your killing trees with everything you got going on there. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5227 You will see that words do not fail me. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5228 I know you like to kiss it, but honestly Jerry, I never thought you'd carry it. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5229 When the guy sold it to me, I thought it was a lite lure, not a light lure! 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5230 OK, I admit, our new avatar technology needs some work. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5231 You heard him, Raphael 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5232 I used to do this as a big city mayor. 1.0000 0.03077 33 33 0 0
5233 The boss is all up in my face about this report, so like it or not you’re going to have to work late tonight. 1.0000 0.01460 69 69 0 0
5234 I just don’t think it’s appropriate for coworkers to ventriloquate. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5235 I've got his tongue; here's your pinkie. 1.0000 0.01739 58 58 0 0
5236 Here’s a rough first draft, but I’m going to need you to re-write it in your own voice. 1.0000 0.01739 58 58 0 0
5237 It’s mostly standard boilerplate, with some interesting riders. 1.0000 0.01770 57 57 0 0
5238 This form is filled out all wrong you dummy! 1.0000 0.01681 60 60 0 0
5239 Don't look at me like that we are twins! 1.0000 0.01709 59 59 0 0
5240 Yeah. I know. 1.0000 0.01709 59 59 0 0
5241 Using your company email to complain to your wife about your boss. . . . now, who’s the dummy at work? 1.0000 0.01575 64 64 0 0
5242 Sorry Bob - Mr. Geppetto is taking the company in a new direction - you're fired. 1.0000 0.01869 54 54 0 0
5243 This order came from the bottom! 1.0000 0.01626 62 62 0 0
5244 This isn't coming from me, it's from corporate. 1.0000 0.01527 66 66 0 0
5245 This is coming straight from the top. 1.0000 0.01036 97 97 0 0
5246 Here is real news - the President is no dummy and and is not controlled by Putin. 1.0000 0.01058 95 95 0 0
5247 Take it! And this time, if you want to shoot the messenger... that's A-OK. Go for it. 1.0000 0.01290 78 78 0 0
5248 Petition for greater representation of "the little guy"? 1.0000 0.01307 77 77 0 0
5249 Next time you have an issue, say it to my face! 1.0000 0.01399 72 72 0 0
5250 You are fired. I mean it from the bottom of my belly. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5251 Don't blame me. This came straight from the big guy. 1.0000 0.00976 103 103 0 0
5252 You're fired! Wood fired! 1.0000 0.01835 55 55 0 0
5253 Have this on Bob's desk by Thursday. 1.0000 0.01942 52 52 0 0
5254 Perhaps, if you had a 'mini you', I wouldn't be handing you a termination notice. The boss loves two-fers. 1.0000 0.01905 53 53 0 0
5255 I'm to weak to tell you this, but I hope you notice. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5256 Well, we may not have much to eat tonight, but we'll be dining in style. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5257 Jackson, I need to talk to you in my office in five! There is way too much fooling around going on these days. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5258 Johnson! Did you write this memo joking about my spinal injury and my enormous son?! 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5259 Wow! The candles are still burning? 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5260 HR, he's got his hand up my shirt! 1.0000 0.03279 31 31 0 0
5261 Politicians do seem to be getting smaller these days. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5262 Dang it, this one's too small to eat, too. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5263 That only works at night. 1.0000 0.03390 30 30 0 0
5264 I can’t believe you’re lost for words and had to write something. 1.0000 0.02247 45 45 0 0
5265 It's all part of our corporate downsizing Peter.....this comes straight from the top..... 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
5266 Why don't you eat this paper, you jerk. 1.0000 0.02062 49 49 0 0
5267 Here's your formal invitation to the tiny hands club. Thanks to Mr. President our platform is higher than ever! 1.0000 0.02151 47 47 0 0
5268 I'm the one with the backbone. 1.0000 0.02151 47 47 0 0
5269 This report says you’re just a puppet for the boss. 1.0000 0.02151 47 47 0 0
5270 I am submitting an anonymous tip about impropriety in the C-suite. 1.0000 0.02020 50 50 0 0
5271 I have been coached to use an intermediary to convey helpful criticism to those who I supervise. So here is today's list of what you are doing wrong! 1.0000 0.01905 53 53 0 0
5272 Geez and people think I'm thick! For the very last time my name is Snerd not Snide! 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0
5273 Our advertisers have some opinions about to your article. 1.0000 0.03509 29 29 0 0