Contest #616


Cartoon

616

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “His words, not mine.”
  2. “I’m the new micromanager.”
  3. “We demand time and a half.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2018-05-13T18:52:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2018-05-27T19:04:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2018-05-21T18:52:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued May 28th, 2018
Number of captions 5274
Number of responses 663636
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 I’ve advised my client not to talk. 1.9071 0.01055 5456 1932 2099 1425
1 I've got corporate up my ass on this one John... 1.9012 0.01433 3473 1427 962 1084
2 I want to report inappropriate touching. 1.8799 0.01252 4354 1778 1321 1255
3 Of course he had a hand in this! 1.8760 0.01185 4305 1602 1635 1068
4 I need you to order all of the 'For Dummies' books on this list. 1.8601 0.01866 1765 683 646 436
5 Trust me, I speak for both of us. 1.8589 0.01138 4451 1641 1797 1013
6 Do you have any idea who you're talking to? 1.8573 0.01173 4520 1773 1619 1128
7 His words, not mine. 1.8536 0.01133 4536 1701 1798 1037
8 We want time-and-a-half. 1.8478 0.01094 5130 2024 1863 1243
9 Could you take care of this? The boss is breathing down my neck. 1.8439 0.01654 2204 863 822 519
10 The memo speaks for itself. Which is more than I can say for Brad here. 1.8363 0.01071 5191 2040 1961 1190
11 Ignore him. You now report directly to me. 1.8315 0.01706 2047 811 770 466
12 Read the memo from HR, Fred. From now on, I'm a "vocally enabled support mannequin," not a "dummy." 1.8169 0.01219 4216 1778 1432 1006
13 If he goes, I go. 1.8150 0.01204 4071 1647 1530 894
14 It's pretty much boilerplate, but if you have questions I'll be in the brown suitcase under Phil's desk. 1.8067 0.01175 4362 1816 1573 973
15 Here's my resignation. I just don't feel like I have a voice here. 1.8029 0.01093 4977 2066 1826 1085
16 At least I know I'm a puppet. 1.7998 0.01218 4096 1737 1442 917
17 How do you explain this invoice for a wood chipper? 1.7955 0.01294 3951 1794 1171 986
18 I need to speak with you. Alone. 1.7947 0.01670 2129 895 776 458
19 Ancestry.com says your desk is my uncle. 1.7903 0.01295 3929 1792 1169 968
20 The coward behind me. That's who's firing you. 1.7611 0.01275 3751 1699 1249 803
21 I'm his right-hand man. 1.7580 0.02327 1029 441 396 192
22 You aren’t the first person in this bureau to be fired by a dummy, and you won’t be the last! 1.7521 0.02408 1049 481 347 221
23 This is the list of grievances from an employee who wishes to remain anonymous. 1.7511 0.01263 3749 1704 1274 771
24 Victor realized his worst nightmare...being fired by some corporate dummy. 1.7435 0.01887 1782 852 535 395
25 Apparently, there have been some complaints about micromanagement. 1.7404 0.01873 1699 784 572 343
26 Joe, I've got some good news and bad news. The good news is I've been promoted. The bad news is that you've been re-assigned to my position. 1.7390 0.02480 1027 493 309 225
27 What did you think dummy corporation meant? 1.7361 0.01320 3422 1591 1143 688
28 I closed the deal. Who's the dummy now? 1.7286 0.01938 1540 711 536 293
29 Please accept my application for White House Press Secretary. 1.7264 0.01631 2610 1360 604 646
30 Watch out, the guy behind me is very manipulative. 1.7226 0.01309 3327 1538 1174 615
31 Sure, you may be busy but my boss is literally up my ass. 1.7213 0.01241 4219 2123 1149 947
32 There's no easy way to say this: we're downsizing. 1.7206 0.01329 3346 1586 1109 651
33 You didn't hear this from me. 1.7179 0.01232 3744 1740 1320 684
34 I heard you say you got hired by a dummy. Now you can say you got fired by one too. 1.7157 0.01321 3444 1664 1095 685
35 Dammit, Jim! The boss is up my ass again about your report! 1.6925 0.02475 979 490 300 189
36 Now Mr. Littles will fire you while I drink a glass of water. 1.6883 0.02593 895 452 270 173
37 Here's my resume. Do you mind if my friend stays for the interview? 1.6838 0.01389 2913 1424 986 503
38 Read my lips. 1.6827 0.01452 2739 1363 882 494
39 Would you like to see him fire you while drinking a glass of water? 1.6675 0.01459 2728 1396 843 489
40 You’ve been subpoenaed to appear before the Charlie McCarthy hearings. 1.6654 0.01719 2071 1096 572 403
41 Don't ask questions. Just set up the dummy account. 1.6633 0.01612 2165 1096 702 367
42 I'm filing a grievance. He keeps putting words in my mouth. 1.6613 0.01490 2548 1298 815 435
43 I'm sorry about this but upper management is forcing my hand. 1.6569 0.01466 2571 1302 849 420
44 I'm not firing you, Stewart here is firing you. Believe me, I was just as surprised as you were, Bill. 1.6568 0.01584 2241 1146 718 377
45 Let’s not forget who’s pulling the strings around here, Johnson. 1.6501 0.02583 823 420 271 132
46 And I don't appreciate your referring to me as 'that dummy from accounting'! 1.6434 0.01460 2588 1340 831 417
47 One of your coworkers, I won’t say who, has asked me to give this to you. 1.6403 0.01534 2288 1175 761 352
48 I know it feels you’re being micromanaged, but imagine how I feel. 1.6361 0.01833 1627 848 523 256
49 I'll need you to pull some strings for me. 1.6340 0.01554 2213 1144 735 334
50 He keeps putting words in my mouth. 1.6181 0.02538 838 447 264 127
51 I need this done tonight. The boss is up my ass again. 1.6115 0.01979 1529 870 383 276
52 We demand time and a half 1.6070 0.01980 1407 773 414 220
53 And by the way, George wants to know why you think he is afraid of confrontation. 1.6053 0.01951 1391 751 438 202
54 Promotion is mine. Bonus is mine. Your parking space is mine. Who's the dummy now? 1.6031 0.02049 1348 755 373 220
55 I'm setting up a dummy corporation. 1.6030 0.02056 1345 755 369 221
56 I'm afraid we're downsizing. 1.6017 0.02022 1318 722 399 197
57 I need you to tell him that my prostate is fine. 1.5997 0.02972 702 414 155 133
58 " Didn't know how to tell you this, but yes- we are down sizing. 1.5989 0.03173 536 295 161 80
59 Let’s get cracking, Noonan. Don’t you know tine is noney. 1.5972 0.02400 1219 772 166 281
60 He'll review most of the contract and I will be reviewing the small print. 1.5969 0.02038 1233 664 402 167
61 I'd like to report an inappropriate touching. 1.5950 0.02128 1195 663 353 179
62 I’m the new micromanager. 1.5950 0.02167 1195 675 329 191
63 I'd like to file a complaint for inappropriate touching. 1.5937 0.02213 1179 677 304 198
64 Who's the dummy now Carl? You're fired! 1.5929 0.02165 1162 649 337 176
65 This is a list of the times he has touched me inappropriately. 1.5904 0.02305 1123 659 265 199
66 I'd like to set up a dummy corporation. 1.5889 0.02192 1097 607 334 156
67 You know what I said about how any dummy can do your job? 1.5887 0.02185 1094 603 338 153
68 Here’s the new org chart. You’re now reporting to my right hand man. 1.5853 0.02254 1049 587 310 152
69 I expect this done before I get back into my suitcase. 1.5837 0.02154 1028 548 360 120
70 The good news is, you're not being replaced by a robot. 1.5832 0.02276 950 514 318 118
71 I'd appreciate it if you stop putting words in my mouth. 1.5817 0.02312 997 561 292 144
72 He's the new White House Press Secretary. 1.5787 0.02473 959 568 227 164
73 Hi, I'm Doug, Corporate's new non-confrontational conflict resolution dummy: you're fired. 1.5783 0.02333 951 531 290 130
74 Johnson, I couldn't help but notice the size of your hands...I think there's room for you in management. 1.5777 0.02406 952 548 258 146
75 Now, my partner's also had a hand in preparing this proposal. 1.5759 0.02325 922 508 297 117
76 This way if you kill the messenger, no one gets hurt. 1.5753 0.02412 916 521 263 132
77 Here’s my Unwanted Touching in the Workplace complaint. 1.5749 0.02493 915 537 230 148
78 As you can see, we're downsizing. 1.5724 0.02429 884 500 262 122
79 You're fired! Wanna hear me say it again while he drinks a glass of water? 1.5692 0.02499 852 489 241 122
80 I dont mean to keep checking in, but the boss has been up my ass all day 1.5689 0.02646 849 514 187 148
81 Come on buddy, I’m not the only one being manipulated here! 1.5689 0.02462 849 480 255 114
82 I think I may have misinterpreted last week's memo about reducing the size of the staff. 1.5687 0.02495 844 482 244 118
83 I'd like to file a sexual harassment claim against the guy behind me. 1.5684 0.02553 841 490 224 127
84 Is this HR? I'd like to file this report about some inappropriate touching. 1.5662 0.02614 823 487 206 130
85 Remember, you didn't hear it from me. 1.5649 0.02525 809 461 239 109
86 If it were up to me we’d keep you, but I’m not pulling the strings. 1.5645 0.02569 806 466 225 115
87 Don't blame me. Management has been completely up my ass on this one. 1.5643 0.02635 801 473 204 124
88 This guys been up my ass all day 1.5631 0.02700 792 477 184 131
89 We're downsizing. You're next. 1.5625 0.02587 784 452 223 109
90 I need you to set up a dummy corporation. 1.5623 0.02717 786 475 180 131
91 No more “dummy” jokes! The term is “Artificial American.” 1.5594 0.02740 758 456 180 122
92 Your review says you hide behind others and don't take ownership. 1.5585 0.02666 752 440 204 108
93 Rewrite this so that even a dummy can understand it. 1.5574 0.02607 741 423 223 95
94 You need to be more like Johnson, here. He's always got my back. 1.5546 0.02616 714 404 224 86
95 So you think it’s funny to refer to me as a laptop. 1.5546 0.02697 714 415 202 97
96 Here's proof that any dummy can do your job. 1.5532 0.02687 705 407 206 92
97 Norman, with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, suddenly realized that for all these years he'd been working for a dummy corporation. 1.5532 0.02679 705 406 208 91
98 In all honesty, without the support of my staff, I’m nothing. 1.5517 0.02713 696 404 200 92
99 It's 2018, and we avoid offensive labels like "dummy" in the workplace Tom. 1.5500 0.02747 680 396 194 90
100 I told him to keep his mouth shut and let me do all the talking. 1.5490 0.02668 674 382 214 78
101 This brings a whole new meaning to micro-management 1.5477 0.02774 661 385 190 86
102 This should clear him of the allegations. I’m the one who actually made the inappropriate remarks. 1.5467 0.02775 653 379 191 83
103 As the President's legal representative... 1.5467 0.02955 653 401 147 105
104 And working well with others is my strongest attribute. 1.5460 0.02657 652 365 218 69
105 So, I guess you didn't think I was big enough to get cc'd on this. 1.5436 0.02822 631 368 183 80
106 Is this where I file for separation? 1.5430 0.02859 628 370 175 83
107 I’ve seen your report on the dead wood in this office and, frankly Williams, I don’t like it. 1.5425 0.02885 623 369 170 84
108 I'm your new micro-manager. 1.5413 0.02907 617 367 166 84
109 Can you get this done ASAP? The boss has been up my ass about it all day. 1.5413 0.02889 617 365 170 82
110 I need you to rewrite this speech. Go easy on the Ms, Bs and Ps. 1.5407 0.02835 614 357 182 75
111 I’m of two minds about this. 1.5401 0.02827 611 354 184 73
112 Here's your Performance Review. Who's the dummy NOW, Dave? 1.5397 0.02889 604 355 172 77
113 I'm going to read your report while my assistant here drinks a glass of water. 1.5396 0.02863 606 354 177 75
114 Michael Cohen. Attorney at law. 1.5354 0.03073 579 355 138 86
115 In this case, you can shoot the messenger. 1.5346 0.02922 563 327 171 65
116 The Boss thought it would be best if you heard it from me. 1.5342 0.02944 571 336 165 70
117 I've been downsized. 1.5340 0.02988 573 342 156 75
118 I'm the CEO's right-hand man. 1.5321 0.02998 560 333 156 71
119 Unlike me, the report speaks for itself. 1.5287 0.03100 541 328 140 73
120 Of course he qualifies as an emotional support animal. I can’t fuction without him. 1.5283 0.03074 547 331 143 73
121 I pulled a few strings and got you that promotion! 1.5280 0.03032 536 318 153 65
122 "And exactly why can't we file a joint return"? 1.5280 0.02997 536 315 159 62
123 Next time, CC both of us! 1.5271 0.03036 535 318 152 65
124 Remember, you didn't hear it from me. 1.5264 0.02963 530 308 165 57
125 Are you the dummy that wrote this memo? 1.5242 0.03116 517 311 141 65
126 This report you wrote is a disgrace! What do you take me for? 1.5233 0.03141 514 311 137 66
127 I'm requisitioning a copy of "Microsoft Word for Dummies." 1.5226 0.03177 509 310 132 67
128 The boss is really up my ass on this one. 1.5210 0.03265 501 311 119 71
129 It's from the small claims court. 1.5193 0.03113 493 293 144 56
130 You're fired but you didn't hear it from me. 1.5193 0.03126 493 294 142 57
131 I'd like to file a complaint from someone in accounting who would prefer to remain anonymous. 1.5184 0.03150 488 292 139 57
132 In this case, you may blame the messenger. 1.5184 0.03114 490 291 144 55
133 Here are the papers for the dummy corporation you asked for. 1.5167 0.03203 480 290 132 58
134 I'm the independent mediator your boss brought in. Turns out he's right, you're wrong. 1.5166 0.03220 482 293 129 60
135 I am the new Communications Director. 1.5166 0.03273 482 297 121 64
136 You have a problem, you speak to me directly. 1.5139 0.03287 469 288 121 60
137 Remember Remember, if anyone asks where you get your insider information, you tell them it's from some dummy in the "white house". 1.5130 0.03436 462 293 101 68
138 This isn't exactly what I had in mind when the boss said I'd be his 'right-hand man,' but I'm getting used to it. 1.5121 0.03171 455 269 139 47
139 Judging by all the typos in your memo, Jenkins, I think it's clear who the real dummy is. 1.5120 0.03255 459 278 127 54
140 The guy behind me wants to give you a raise. I'm the one firing you. 1.5111 0.03232 452 271 131 50
141 I don't appreciate your memo dismissing me as a mouthpiece for upper management. 1.5110 0.03329 456 281 117 58
142 I only talk through my attorney. 1.5110 0.03211 456 273 133 50
143 Slowly it was dawning on Bob that the CEO was only a puppet! 1.5100 0.03383 449 279 111 59
144 This place doesn’t seem to care about the little guy anymore. 1.5100 0.03191 451 268 136 47
145 You didn’t hear it from me. 1.5089 0.03191 448 266 136 46
146 It's the new White House communication system it gives everyone plausible deniability. 1.5080 0.03426 439 274 107 58
147 I'd like you to meet your new micromanager. 1.5080 0.03349 439 269 117 53
148 My client has the right to remain silent. 1.5079 0.03342 443 272 117 54
149 I’m sorry, Jim. We’re downsizing. 1.5079 0.03327 443 271 119 53
150 HE may have signed a confidentiality agreement, but I didn't! 1.5058 0.03283 431 259 126 46
151 This isn't coming from me. 1.5057 0.03325 435 265 120 50
152 I'm just the middleman. 1.5057 0.03245 435 260 130 45
153 I'm in training for Republican Senator. What's your deal? 1.5057 0.03586 435 282 86 67
154 Yeah, I have a problem... our health care plan doesn't cover termites! 1.5047 0.03418 430 267 109 54
155 Why yes, I was an anchor with Sinclair Broadcast Group. 1.5036 0.03647 421 274 82 65
156 Sorry, but I'm just the messenger. 1.5035 0.03208 423 249 135 39
157 This is his resignation. I'm staying. 1.5035 0.03367 425 260 116 49
158 I can even fire you while he drinks a glass of water. 1.5024 0.03492 418 262 102 54
159 You think you can manipulate me?! 1.5024 0.03312 420 253 123 44
160 My client and I speak with one voice. 1.5012 0.03363 417 254 117 46
161 Here's my resume for White House Press Officer. 1.5012 0.03611 417 269 87 61
162 The boss says we need to downsize. 1.5000 0.03393 412 252 114 46
163 is this your tweet that calls me a dummy with little hands? 1.4988 0.03691 403 262 81 60
164 He didn't want to be the one to have to tell you. 1.4975 0.03438 402 247 110 45
165 I dictated this while drinking a glass of water. 1.4975 0.03456 402 248 108 46
166 You think the boss is up YOUR butt? 1.4975 0.03544 402 253 98 51
167 I'm his emotional support dummy. 1.4962 0.03364 399 241 118 40
168 If you knew where his hand is you'd understand why I'm filing the grievance. 1.4949 0.03722 394 257 79 58
169 Can you believe our moron of a boss wants us to follow this ridiculous......oh, he's right behind me, isn't he. 1.4949 0.03590 390 246 95 49
170 For tax purposes, we're creating a dummy corporation. 1.4936 0.03583 391 247 95 49
171 He didn’t want to tell you himself. 1.4935 0.03549 385 240 100 45
172 I said, “ Single filing jointly!” 1.4935 0.03511 385 238 104 43
173 I've been downsized. 1.4935 0.03492 385 237 106 42
174 As an Inanimate-American, I am entitled to the same workplace protections that the rest of you enjoy. Here's a list of pronouns not to call me. 1.4908 0.03610 379 239 94 46
175 Management and I speak with one voice on this. 1.4908 0.03472 379 232 108 39
176 What do you mean I can't expense Paul? He's my right hand man. 1.4907 0.03663 377 240 89 48
177 I heard you wanted a second opinion. 1.4907 0.03486 377 231 107 39
178 You asked for a second opinion? 1.4907 0.03716 375 241 84 50
179 My colleague speaks for both of us. 1.4907 0.03479 375 229 108 38
180 Don't blame me. I'm just the mouthpiece. 1.4892 0.03499 372 228 106 38
181 You can pick up your final paycheck from Lamb Chop in Payroll. 1.4892 0.03797 372 243 76 53
182 Another anonymous complaint about cancelling the company talent show this year. 1.4878 0.03561 369 229 100 40
183 Harold, when I asked you to make me a copy, this is not what I meant. 1.4877 0.03575 367 228 99 40
184 I'll have my people talk through your people. 1.4877 0.03590 365 227 98 40
185 Everything goes through me! 1.4877 0.03590 365 227 98 40
186 Well, they are officially downsizing our staff. 1.4862 0.03547 362 223 102 37
187 HR said only a dummy would respond to your complaint in writing. 1.4862 0.03674 362 229 90 43
188 There’s nothing I can do, it’s coming from higher up. 1.4862 0.03526 362 222 104 36
189 The boss wants revisions, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.4846 0.03796 357 231 79 47
190 Stop putting words in my mouth. 1.4831 0.03677 356 225 90 41
191 You're right. He did move his lips. But, you're still fired. 1.4829 0.03657 350 219 93 38
192 NO RAISE ?? Then I need a hand out. 1.4814 0.03904 349 230 70 49
193 Oh great, now I work for 2 dummies. 1.4812 0.03830 345 223 78 44
194 This micro-management has affected us all, Bob. 1.4797 0.03681 344 216 91 37
195 Stop whining - I've just been downsized myself! 1.4797 0.03704 344 217 89 38
196 The bad news is we're letting you go. The good news is you get to stay and operate your replacement. 1.4797 0.03516 344 209 105 30
197 You keep asking who is the dummy in H.R. well, here I am. 1.4780 0.03727 341 216 87 38
198 The main problem with your writing is you haven’t really found your own voice. 1.4780 0.03681 341 214 91 36
199 I would like to file an official complaint. Please tell my manager to stop breathing over my neck and putting words in my mouth. 1.4779 0.03720 339 214 88 37
200 I'm looking for a new assistant. One that's a little less hands on. 1.4779 0.03697 339 213 90 36
201 Here's a list of women I want paid off that I know nothing about. 1.4776 0.03870 335 217 76 42
202 So what if you can see his lips moving? You're still fired. 1.4760 0.03564 334 204 101 29
203 He's learning to delegate. 1.4758 0.03696 330 206 91 33
204 His lips aren't moving but his face says you're fired. 1.4758 0.03464 330 197 109 24
205 Don't blame me, I am only the messenger. 1.4745 0.03721 333 210 88 35
206 It's not fake news. Look at me. Am I fake? 1.4745 0.03769 333 212 84 37
207 I hate to do this but the big man says you're fired 1.4742 0.03653 329 204 94 31
208 Apparently I've been downsized. 1.4740 0.03745 327 206 87 34
209 I an sorry to retort that your jod is deing elininated. 1.4738 0.03886 325 210 76 39
210 Carl discovered his new boss really was a dummy 1.4720 0.03913 322 209 74 39
211 You expect me to believe this? Do I look like some kind of dummy? 1.4720 0.03710 322 201 90 31
212 I'm a dummy. What's your excuse? 1.4719 0.04005 320 211 67 42
213 I am the bearer of fake news. 1.4702 0.03864 319 205 78 36
214 Could you get this report in by five? The boss has been up my ass about it. 1.4702 0.04014 319 211 66 42
215 HR will be contacting you on your book proposal, 'Climbing the Corporate Ladder for Dummies.' 1.4698 0.03742 315 197 88 30
216 Sshhh, he's right behind me! It's all in this written complaint. 1.4696 0.03704 313 194 91 28
217 For the last time, yes, you need to take it even if his lips don’t move when I say “subpoena” 1.4677 0.04025 310 204 67 39
218 Of course they're dummy accounts. 1.4656 0.04021 305 200 68 37
219 Here's my HR complaint - calling me a "dummy" creates a hostile work environment. 1.4656 0.03828 305 193 82 30
220 Read my lips...You are fired 1.4656 0.03884 305 195 78 32
221 Did you send this memo on passive-aggressive communication in the work place? 1.4653 0.03958 303 196 73 34
222 Johnson, I was going to dazzle you by handing you this memo while sitting in a large man's arms and speaking to you without moving my lips, but instead I'm very distracted by the size of your tiny hands. 1.4636 0.04077 302 200 64 38
223 We're doing all we can not to make this personal. 1.4633 0.03902 300 192 77 31
224 My short list, and no, I don’t see the irony.” 1.4633 0.03727 300 186 89 25
225 Read my lips.......not his!! 1.4631 0.03744 298 185 88 25
226 Did you write this memo, 'Office Etiquette for Dummies'? 1.4631 0.03950 298 192 74 32
227 I quit. I'm sick of living hand to mouth. 1.4631 0.03950 298 192 74 32
228 Pay no attention to that sympathetic man behind me. You're fired. 1.4628 0.04027 296 193 69 34
229 Here's the info you wanted on my dummy corporation. 1.4628 0.03970 296 191 73 32
230 It all started when I read this book 'Management for Dummies.' 1.4613 0.03930 297 191 75 31
231 Look, this is more uncomfortable for me than it is for you. 1.4610 0.03979 295 191 72 32
232 There's no easy way to say this. 1.4605 0.03838 291 183 82 26
233 Hey, it's really hard to say "pink slip" without moving your lips. 1.4605 0.03959 291 187 74 30
234 Trust me. You don't want Frank to give it to you, I know where his hand has been. 1.4605 0.04164 291 194 60 37
235 You're putting words in my mouth! 1.4605 0.03959 291 187 74 30
236 You didn't hear this from me. 1.4589 0.03797 292 183 84 25
237 Here’s my formal complaint about inappropriate touching in the workplace. 1.4586 0.04116 290 192 63 35
238 Hey Steve, just got your request for transfer. What seems to be the issue? 1.4583 0.04167 288 192 60 36
239 Read his lips: you’re fired. 1.4583 0.04019 288 187 70 31
240 What? You didn't know this was a dummy corporation? 1.4580 0.03853 286 180 81 25
241 He can't talk because of this nondisclosure agreement 1.4580 0.04070 286 187 67 32
242 According to this complaint--you're another one who's been talking behind my back 1.4580 0.03885 286 181 79 26
243 Yours is a layoff, mine was a downsizing. 1.4580 0.04009 286 185 71 30
244 Don't try to put words in my mouth. 1.4564 0.03967 287 185 73 29
245 Read my lips: You're fired. 1.4561 0.03988 285 184 72 29
246 You think this is bad? You should see where his hand goes. 1.4552 0.04236 279 187 57 35
247 I don't like giving orders to clowns any more than you like getting them from dummies, but that's the job. 1.4532 0.03863 278 175 80 23
248 I need 3 copies of this and a thimble of coffee on my desk now! 1.4529 0.03916 276 175 77 24
249 Sorry to dump this on you, he's been up my ass all day about it. 1.4529 0.04422 276 191 45 40
250 Sorry we have to let you go,and he's not man enough to tell you himself. 1.4526 0.04037 274 177 70 27
251 At least you get to sit on a chair. 1.4502 0.04135 271 178 64 29
252 I’d like to file a sexual harassment suit agains the guy with his hand in my pants. 1.4502 0.04297 271 183 54 34
253 Here's the report... btw, Jeff's still not talking to you. 1.4502 0.04167 271 179 62 30
254 ...but you didn’t hear it from me. 1.4498 0.03952 269 171 75 23
255 I may be a dummy, Bob. But I’m not an idiot. 1.4494 0.04279 267 179 56 32
256 Some tough news for you Jones. The company has begun downsizing. 1.4494 0.04077 267 173 68 26
257 This way, he can claim he never talked to you about this payoff. 1.4494 0.04112 267 174 66 27
258 My resume speaks for itself. 1.4494 0.04112 267 174 66 27
259 Excel for Dummies?! Is this supposed to be funny?! Well I don’t see anybody around here laughing, do you?! 1.4494 0.04279 267 179 56 32
260 This doctor's note confirms it. NO COLLUSION between me and the gentleman behind me!!! 1.4474 0.04017 266 171 71 24
261 Here's my human resources complaint: inappropriate touching! 1.4474 0.04122 266 174 65 27
262 Its something Michael Cohen taught me. It provides a certain level of plausible deniability. 1.4474 0.04389 266 182 49 35
263 So, Carl...when I said 'copy me on that email'...I didn't mean make an actual copy of me holding the email. 1.4474 0.04190 266 176 61 29
264 Sorry, Smithers! There’s no room for dummies in this office! 1.4470 0.03967 264 168 74 22
265 You said any dummy could do it. 1.4470 0.04074 264 171 68 25
266 I'd like to submit my resume for the open communications director position with the Trump administration. I know I may seem overqualified, but... 1.4466 0.04132 262 171 65 26
267 As you may have heard, we're downsizing. 1.4440 0.04307 259 174 55 30
268 Oh yeah? You think you're being micromanaged.. you have no idea. 1.4436 0.04366 257 174 52 31
269 I think I’m being manipulated.... 1.4436 0.04041 257 165 70 22
270 If you like, my associate can drink coffee while I read you the warrant. 1.4436 0.04078 257 166 68 23
271 This is not what I meant when I said, "Make me a copy." 1.4431 0.04285 255 170 57 28
272 Congratulations, you're his new right-hand man. 1.4431 0.04063 255 164 69 22
273 I'm giving voice to the voiceless 1.4405 0.04134 252 164 65 23
274 For future reference, the job title is "CEO" not "that dummy in charge". 1.4405 0.04134 252 164 65 23
275 There will be no more sharpening of wooden pencils. It makes for a hostile work environment. 1.4405 0.04134 252 164 65 23
276 Your department is being downsized next, Wilkins. 1.4405 0.04096 252 163 67 22
277 It's my idea for a new book: Ventriloquism for Dummies. 1.4400 0.04309 250 167 56 27
278 This guy is a real pain in my ass too 1.4400 0.04196 250 164 62 24
279 The man standing behind me likes you. I'm the one who thinks you're an incompetent moron. This man behind me, he thinks you're a tremendous guy. 1.4400 0.04272 250 166 58 26
280 Hey, can you watch my new ventr-- oh holy fuck what happened to your right hand? 1.4398 0.04619 241 167 42 32
281 I know it's last minute, but the boss is really up my ass on this one. 1.4395 0.04661 248 175 37 36
282 Try to forget where Steve's hand is and just sign this birthday card for Joel in accounting. 1.4395 0.04335 248 166 55 27
283 Bob started to suspect "Bring Your Dummy to Work Day" was not really a thing. 1.4395 0.03771 248 152 83 13
284 Here's the official memo...we're being downsized. 1.4390 0.04044 246 157 70 19
285 Can you believe it? Another memo on how to improve our communication skills. 1.4375 0.04028 240 152 71 17
286 And as Ed met the new HR Rep, he sudendly felt better about his small hands 1.4367 0.04410 245 166 51 28
287 Here is my formal sexual harassment complaint against that guy that always follows me. 1.4367 0.04095 245 158 67 20
288 If we’re going to make books “for Dummies,” the pages need to be even smaller 1.4367 0.04295 245 163 57 25
289 Let me dumb this down for you 1.4362 0.04320 243 162 56 25
290 The term is little person, thank you. 1.4362 0.04241 243 160 60 23
291 Sorry for the short notice. 1.4362 0.04077 243 156 68 19
292 Sure it's a dummy contract. And your point is . . . 1.4357 0.04101 241 155 67 19
293 Sorry, Steve. I'm the boss's new right-hand man. But you're lucky. Look where his left hand is. 1.4355 0.04100 248 161 66 21
294 You're being down sized. 1.4355 0.04256 248 165 58 25
295 And, lastly, here is MY demand that he remove his hand. 1.4351 0.04250 239 157 60 22
296 I resign. The time is right to pursue a career in politics. 1.4350 0.04396 246 167 51 28
297 Have your puppet call my puppet. 1.4328 0.04384 238 160 53 25
298 It's not as bad as you think, his hands are tiny. 1.4328 0.04659 238 167 39 32
299 You think I'M a pain in the ass, you should meet my boss! 1.4322 0.04452 236 160 50 26
300 You need to finish this project yourself. I can only do two things at one time. 1.4322 0.04287 236 156 58 22
301 Would you mind reading this for me? I have glass eyes. 1.4322 0.04202 236 154 62 20
302 A memo from our dummy corporation 1.4322 0.03981 236 149 72 15
303 He's going to have to let you go. 1.4322 0.04329 236 157 56 23
304 Here's the short list. 1.4316 0.04680 234 164 39 31
305 If corporations can be people, so can I. 1.4316 0.04561 234 161 45 28
306 Mr. IRS agent I am not sure about this audit. I receive no income and live in a suitcase. 1.4316 0.04438 234 158 51 25
307 Sorry, it comes from higher up. 1.4310 0.04163 232 150 64 18
308 I think this speaks for itself. 1.4310 0.04247 239 158 59 22
309 Here is a list of pronouns I find acceptable. 1.4298 0.04298 235 156 57 22
310 How about you try working up this report without moving YOUR lips. How about that? 1.4286 0.03990 231 146 71 14
311 And now, watch Mr. Davenport drink a glass of water while I fire you. 1.4286 0.04307 231 153 57 21
312 Human Resources wants to talk to you about your recent use of the word 'dummy'. 1.4273 0.04361 227 151 55 21
313 I don't do words that begin with a "P" or a "B". 1.4273 0.04270 227 149 59 19
314 I alone am responsible for writing this scathing critique of your work. 1.4267 0.04249 232 153 59 20
315 If you don’t believe me, I’ll have him drink a glass of water while I say it again. 1.4267 0.04433 225 151 52 22
316 You’ve just been served by Fun Subpoenas LLC. 1.4267 0.04522 225 153 48 24
317 I'm head of HR because I can say things that the moron holding me doesn't have the guts to say. By the way, you're fired. 1.4241 0.04261 224 147 59 18
318 Jenkins, is this your memo I found in the break room that says that I am 'just a corporate puppet'? 1.4241 0.04354 224 149 55 20
319 Sorry Bill, but we’re downsizing. 1.4234 0.04739 222 156 38 28
320 He bet he could fire you without moving his lips. 1.4234 0.04428 222 149 52 21
321 Don't look at him, I'm giving you the instructions. 1.4234 0.04519 222 151 48 23
322 We had to pull a lot of strings but we got the contract 1.4234 0.04288 222 146 58 18
323 I resign! Apparently, I don't have any voice around here. 1.4234 0.04428 222 149 52 21
324 Bob, I'm afraid we're downsizing 1.4234 0.04564 222 152 46 24
325 How do you use a fax machine? I’m asking for a friend. 1.4234 0.04382 222 148 54 20
326 I think I speak for myself when I say these numbers are unacceptable. 1.4222 0.04430 225 152 51 22
327 I heard that people have been talking behind my back, and I just won't stand for that. 1.4220 0.04438 218 146 52 20
328 I am not his puppet. I am a hostage. And here are his demands. 1.4220 0.04532 218 148 48 22
329 Seriously ?? Focus group ?? He never even opens his mouth. 1.4220 0.04670 218 151 42 25
330 Just remember.... you didn’t hear this from me. 1.4213 0.04219 216 140 61 15
331 I'm not naming names, but "somebody" says you're fired. 1.4213 0.04320 216 142 57 17
332 I prefer the term, ‘Left hand man.’ 1.4213 0.04369 216 143 55 18
333 Here's his permit to carry arms-- and legs. 1.4213 0.04656 216 149 43 24
334 Corporate says someone in the office filed a complaint about micromanagement. 1.4213 0.04515 216 146 49 21
335 The downsizing rumors are true! 1.4213 0.04467 216 145 51 20
336 Why are you looking at him? I'm the new Secretary of State, and I have a signed note on a Mar a Lago cocktail napkin to prove it. 1.4213 0.04562 216 147 47 22
337 My therapist thinks it will help me find my voice at work. 1.4213 0.04168 216 139 63 14
338 Suddenly, the layoff notice seemed to be the least of Frank's questions. 1.4206 0.04496 214 144 50 20
339 Our commitment to diversity and inclusion has taken a creative turn. 1.4201 0.04326 219 145 56 18
340 I'm warning you. If you fire him I'll never talk to you again. 1.4186 0.04528 215 146 48 21
341 Here's that secret memo; but you didn't get it from me. 1.4186 0.04480 215 145 50 20
342 "Release this to the media. It's a letter from my doctor stating that I am neither wooden nor inanimate but very, very human - maybe the most human he's ever seen! 1.4186 0.04807 215 152 36 27
343 I want to file a complaint for sexual harassment. This guy keeps putting his hand up my back and demands that I sit on his lap. 1.4186 0.04716 215 150 40 25
344 When I said we're downsizing everything, I meant _everything_. 1.4178 0.04359 213 141 55 17
345 Did you get this memo on downsizing? 1.4178 0.04410 213 142 53 18
346 You said make copies of everything, right? 1.4178 0.04509 213 144 49 20
347 Your request to be treated like an adult has been denied. 1.4178 0.04509 213 144 49 20
348 Read his lips: you’re fired. 1.4178 0.04654 213 147 43 23
349 This report is nonsense; you think I'm a dummy? 1.4171 0.04489 211 142 50 19
350 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. It should be fairly self-explanatory. 1.4171 0.04539 211 143 48 20
351 You think this is weird? You should see us in the men's room. 1.4171 0.04781 211 148 38 25
352 You're never going to let me live down writing those "Computers for Dummies" books, are you? 1.4171 0.04388 211 140 54 17
353 Happy Monday. I'll be your new micro-manager from now on. 1.4140 0.04277 215 142 57 16
354 This way, I wasn't the one that told you. 1.4135 0.04268 208 136 58 14
355 The last messenger was shot. 1.4135 0.04429 208 139 52 17
356 I didn’t say this. You’re putting words in my mouth! 1.4135 0.04268 208 136 58 14
357 I'd like to submit an official complaint. My boss is touching me inappropriately. 1.4135 0.04583 208 142 46 20
358 I need you to set up a dummy account... 1.4135 0.04532 208 141 48 19
359 What is this you wrote on your evaluation about not being able to take your boss seriously? 1.4135 0.04683 208 144 42 22
360 I don't mean to be a pain in the ass. Believe me, I know how that feels. 1.4135 0.04532 208 141 48 19
361 Bad news from Corporate - we’re downsizing. 1.4126 0.04666 206 142 43 21
362 Hey, don't shoot the messenger. 1.4126 0.04458 206 138 51 17
363 During layoffs, Charles lets his ‘little friend’ handle the awkward dialogue. 1.4126 0.04563 206 140 47 19
364 Here's my application to become a real boy. 1.4126 0.04458 206 138 51 17
365 I'm making you an offer with no strings attached. 1.4126 0.04458 206 138 51 17
366 We quit! 1.4126 0.04405 206 137 53 16
367 Meet the new micromanager 1.4126 0.04615 206 141 45 20
368 And remember, Simcox, anyone can be downsized. 1.4126 0.04615 206 141 45 20
369 You think any dummy could write this? 1.4118 0.04324 204 134 56 14
370 And the next time I want your opinion, I’ll have Jerry here make me ask for it. 1.4118 0.04434 204 136 52 16
371 This is an urgent memo from headquarters ordering us to downsize our staff. 1.4109 0.04408 202 134 53 15
372 Ventriloquism: The new passive-aggression. 1.4109 0.04731 202 140 41 21
373 I have a list of complaints from both of us regarding your wooden demeanor and inability to think outside the box. 1.4109 0.04679 202 139 43 20
374 You're fired, but on the plus side, at least you don't have a hand up your ass. 1.4109 0.04573 202 137 47 18
375 I can't take full credit; my co-worker had a hand in it. 1.4109 0.04573 202 137 47 18
376 I'm filing a harassment claim against Ken. He won't stop touching my behind. 1.4109 0.04626 202 138 45 19
377 You're fired! Ha! Now who's the dummy? 1.4109 0.04464 202 135 51 16
378 Let's be clear---my recent upgrade from "talking dummy" to "ventriloquist assistant" deserves a hefty jump in salary or this act is moving on. 1.4109 0.04464 202 135 51 16
379 Sorry but this is coming from above my head. 1.4109 0.04518 202 136 49 17
380 The President thinks firing you with a Tweet is too impersonal. 1.4109 0.04573 202 137 47 18
381 They're accusing us of being a dummy corporation. 1.4109 0.04626 202 138 45 19
382 Read my lips… He QUITS! 1.4100 0.04659 200 137 44 19
383 There's no easy way to say this: we're downsizing. 1.4100 0.04921 200 142 34 24
384 To be honest, it was hard to focus on your memo with a hand up my ass. 1.4100 0.04818 200 140 38 22
385 Watch! I can fire you without moving my lips. 1.4100 0.04323 200 131 56 13
386 Have you seen this report on the pay gap between dummies and ventriloquists? 1.4089 0.04660 203 140 43 20
387 Wire the money to this account or the ventriloquist's a dead man. 1.4089 0.04660 203 140 43 20
388 I've drawn up the papers for your dummy corporation. 1.4089 0.04608 203 139 45 19
389 The speech is great, but can you take out all the p's, b's and m's? 1.4080 0.04693 201 139 42 20
390 I don't know who left a copy of 'Management for Dummies" on my desk, but it's been a real game-changer. 1.4074 0.04793 189 130 41 18
391 I believe this memo speaks for itself... 1.4072 0.04979 194 138 33 23
392 Don't be alarmed, I'm his emotional support dummy. 1.4070 0.04618 199 136 45 18
393 I don't just speak for the president, I am the president! 1.4070 0.04988 199 143 31 25
394 Looks like corporate is downsizing us again. 1.4070 0.04450 199 133 51 15
395 I will never reveal my source. 1.4070 0.04507 199 134 49 16
396 Here. Read this. He can't throw his voice. 1.4070 0.04507 199 134 49 16
397 We already have enough dummies at the White House. 1.4070 0.04885 199 141 35 23
398 There's no easy way for him to say this, but he's letting you go. 1.4070 0.04450 199 133 51 15
399 ...It's our fun version of downsizing. Also, you're fired. 1.4070 0.04673 199 137 43 19
400 Guess who found a way around your restraining order, Karl? 1.4070 0.04833 199 140 37 22
401 What do you mean 'I'm just a mouthpiece of management?!'" 1.4070 0.04618 199 136 45 18
402 There's been some downsizing. 1.4061 0.04706 197 136 42 19
403 It’s time to get your act together. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
404 But who speaks for the little guy? 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
405 As you see, I've been downsized 75%. Tomorrow you will be downsized 100%. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
406 Here, I took the words right out of his mouth. 1.4061 0.04921 197 140 34 23
407 We’re being downsized. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
408 The boss is really up my ass about these reports Jim 1.4061 0.04761 197 137 40 20
409 I'm on the short list. 1.4058 0.05599 138 95 30 13
410 Is this your requisition for a wood chipper? 1.4051 0.04850 195 137 37 21
411 This is our final offer - no strings attached! 1.4051 0.04511 195 131 49 15
412 Well, If Putin can have a puppet, why can’t I? 1.4041 0.04886 193 136 36 21
413 He doesn't want anything, but here is a list of my demands. 1.4041 0.04423 193 128 52 13
414 "He's taken the fifth, but I haven't". 1.4041 0.04718 193 133 42 18
415 Any dummy can do your job. And here I am. 1.4041 0.04483 193 129 50 14
416 Don't blame me. I'm just the middle man 1.4041 0.04543 193 130 48 15
417 It's hard for me to tell you this, but we're downsizing. 1.4040 0.04687 198 137 42 19
418 With hands that small, I'm offering you a job to replace this shmuck 1.4034 0.06005 119 82 26 11
419 You will see that my resume speaks for itself. 1.4031 0.04694 191 131 43 17
420 Today we are beginning a two tier management system. 1.4021 0.04608 189 128 46 15
421 Proxy Server... 1.4021 0.04668 189 129 44 16
422 It says we need to reduce staff by 75%. But I found a loophole. 1.4021 0.04668 189 129 44 16
423 HR approved an emotional support puppet? 1.4021 0.04728 189 130 42 17
424 This our best offer - no strings attached. 1.4021 0.04961 189 134 34 21
425 Guess who else is getting downsized. 1.4021 0.04846 189 132 38 19
426 You wrote this? And you think I'm the dummy? 1.4021 0.04755 194 135 40 19
427 The company's reorganizing under a puppet regime. 1.4021 0.04698 194 134 42 18
428 We are fed up with working here, although my partner can speak for himself. 1.4010 0.04310 192 126 55 11
429 Take this. And remember, you didn’t hear it from me. 1.4010 0.04615 192 131 45 16
430 He told me to tell you that one reason he's letting you go is your unwillingness to confront people directly... 1.4010 0.04701 197 137 41 19
431 The big guy here wants to fire you, but he doesn't like conflict. So here's your pink slip. 1.4010 0.04645 197 136 43 18
432 Good news, we found someone even better that Sarah Huckabee 1.4000 0.04825 190 133 38 19
433 I dummied up a resume. 1.4000 0.04447 195 131 50 14
434 No matter what, don't let Johnson see this report... he's standing right behind me, isn't he? 1.4000 0.03998 185 116 64 5
435 James wishes he was able to give you this in person. 1.3990 0.04596 193 132 45 16
436 Is this your opinion or did anyone else have a hand in it? 1.3990 0.04769 193 135 39 19
437 I'm here to pay lip service to your request. 1.3989 0.04433 188 125 51 12
438 Talk to the hand puppet, because the management puppet isn't listening. 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
439 No, it's an actual To Do List for Dummies. 1.3989 0.04977 188 134 33 21
440 You’re fired. Now who’s the dummy? 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
441 He put the words in my mouth. 1.3989 0.04802 188 131 39 18
442 If you won't do it for him, do it for me. 1.3989 0.04581 183 123 47 13
443 Stop putting words in my mouth, Frank! Willard, you’re fired! 1.3978 0.04778 186 129 40 17
444 Take my copy of "Windows for Dummies. 1.3978 0.04655 186 127 44 15
445 I’d like to file a harassment complaint about an employee who keeps following me and touching me inappropriately. 1.3978 0.05073 186 134 30 22
446 In my orifice NOW! 1.3978 0.04898 186 131 36 19
447 I represent a dummy corporation. 1.3978 0.04717 186 128 42 16
448 HR says you have to stop asking him where his other hand is. 1.3978 0.04528 186 125 48 13
449 It's the charter for my dummy corporation. 1.3978 0.04592 186 126 46 14
450 Jenkins, I just got a promotion, so you'll be taking over for me now. Williams will be keeping his position of course. 1.3978 0.04592 186 126 46 14
451 Don’t look at him, look at me. 1.3978 0.04655 186 127 44 15
452 And in a moment, I am going to fire you while the guy behind me drinks a glass of water. 1.3978 0.04778 186 129 40 17
453 Legally, you've had no direct contact with HR. 1.3978 0.04655 186 127 44 15
454 Here's my proposal, no strings attached. 1.3978 0.04264 186 121 56 9
455 Sexual harassment, Simpson? Those splinters could have come from anywhere. 1.3967 0.04996 184 131 33 20
456 It was at this point that Jerry started questioning if the addition of ventriloquists in the company's inclusion policy had gone too far. 1.3967 0.04625 184 125 45 14
457 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, so I got a puppet. 1.3967 0.04429 184 122 51 11
458 All I'm saying is 'Computers For Dummies' helped me. 1.3967 0.04752 184 127 41 16
459 Fenford, your fired fired fired - just kidding, I was practicing my “f”s. 1.3967 0.04996 184 131 33 20
460 Johnson, what do you know about these allegations that this is a dummy corporation? 1.3967 0.04814 184 128 39 17
461 I'm afraid we've decided to downsize our personnel. 1.3967 0.04689 184 126 43 15
462 What do you mean I'm just a mouthpiece? 1.3967 0.04625 184 125 45 14
463 If this damn cartoon had some color, you'd realize it's your pink slip. 1.3956 0.04659 182 124 44 14
464 I am reporting inappropriate touching in the workplace. 1.3956 0.05154 182 132 28 22
465 I've come to address the complaints regarding indirect communication. 1.3946 0.04541 185 125 47 13
466 George had always thought of his boss as a bit of a dummy, but to see the truth laid bare before him was a bit much. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
467 I'm filing a complaint because I feel like I don't have a voice here. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
468 I prefer the word "rightsizing" to "downsizing." 1.3944 0.05014 180 128 33 19
469 I've always liked you. It's the guy behind me who thinks you should be fired. 1.3944 0.04888 180 126 37 17
470 If it’s any consolation, I didn’t want to let you go… but it’s not like I had any choice. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
471 Speak for yourself, John. 1.3944 0.04422 180 119 51 10
472 I think this memo speaks for itself. 1.3934 0.04767 183 127 40 16
473 And when you are done with this letter can you tell the guy behind me to get his hand out of my ass. 1.3934 0.04767 183 127 40 16
474 This is my complaint stating I’m being touched inappropriately and he won’t let me voice my own opinions 1.3925 0.04892 186 132 35 19
475 Seriously, I'm on the short list for promotion? 1.3923 0.04607 181 123 45 13
476 You're fired but you didn't hear it from me. 1.3923 0.04540 181 122 47 12
477 Sorry, Kaminsky, but Corporate is literally up my ass about this one. 1.3923 0.04929 181 128 35 18
478 HR says we are downsizing 1.3923 0.04540 181 122 47 12
479 You call this a performance evaluation? They loved me in Toledo. 1.3911 0.04573 179 121 46 12
480 Is this where we register for the Codependency Workshop? 1.3911 0.04840 179 125 38 16
481 It's 2018. Using the word "dummy" is not okay. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
482 C'mon, I'd make a great candidate for president--Remember Bush and Cheney? 1.3911 0.05030 179 128 32 19
483 It was my decision, not his. 1.3911 0.04708 179 123 42 14
484 We both need you to order these "For Dummies" books 1.3911 0.04708 179 123 42 14
485 Do I look like I would hand you some fake news? 1.3898 0.04744 177 122 41 14
486 We want a raise. These small suits and ties are not cheap. 1.3898 0.04744 177 122 41 14
487 Who's the puppet now Jerry? 1.3898 0.04606 177 120 45 12
488 How shall I tut this, Teter? You’re thired. 1.3898 0.04877 177 124 37 16
489 Can you say ‘you’re fired’ without moving your lips? 1.3898 0.04811 177 123 39 15
490 Look at the raise I got, Winston! Who's the dummy now? 1.3898 0.05071 177 127 31 19
491 !Of course he can speak for himself, I'm just more intimidating. 1.3898 0.04536 177 119 47 11
492 So you won’t sign the marriage license because we’re gay? 1.3898 0.04943 177 125 35 17
493 Please read this to the dummy behind me. 1.3898 0.04606 177 120 45 12
494 This would be funnier if you were Trump, I was Mueller and the guy holding me was Comey. 1.3898 0.05007 177 126 33 18
495 Here's the new memo on passive aggressive notes. I'm supposed to hand deliver it. 1.3898 0.04744 177 122 41 14
496 Bad news... you didn't make the short list. 1.3898 0.04606 177 120 45 12
497 That term is actually quite offensive, I prefer "puppet". 1.3889 0.04484 180 121 48 11
498 The President denies all knowledge of any payment to Ms Daniels and here's a copy of the payment he never made. I hope that clears things up. 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
499 We'd like to appeal the office talent show decision. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
500 'Cut out the deadwood?' Should I take this personally? 1.3886 0.04497 175 117 48 10
501 I'd like to file a complaint of harassment by Ted who is always touching me. 1.3886 0.04916 175 123 36 16
502 You didn't hear it from me, but the company is downsizing. 1.3886 0.05239 175 128 26 21
503 Yes, the dummy account. 1.3886 0.04982 175 124 34 17
504 There are no small jobs, only small people. 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
505 Did you get the memo about downsizing? 1.3886 0.04641 175 119 44 12
506 I may be a corporate puppet but I still have a job. 1.3886 0.04711 175 120 42 13
507 This script sucks. Do you think I’m a dummy? 1.3886 0.04916 175 123 36 16
508 I want this on my tiny desk by Tuesday. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
509 I know his lips move. But he's my brother-in-law and I'm stuck with him. 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
510 Frankly, I preferred it when you spoke to me in the third person. 1.3886 0.04916 175 123 36 16
511 Our new White House Press Secretary--the President will be delighted! 1.3886 0.05047 175 125 32 18
512 There's no collusion. 1.3886 0.05047 175 125 32 18
513 Harvey"s resigning but I'm staying, so we need to find another hand for my butt. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
514 I represent his holding company. 1.3886 0.04497 175 117 48 10
515 For my next trick, we'll do your annual review while my assistant Mr. Jones drinks a glass of water. 1.3886 0.04641 175 119 44 12
516 I can say whatever I want. He's got my back. 1.3886 0.04780 175 121 40 14
517 My client wishes to remain anonymous. 1.3876 0.04516 178 120 47 11
518 Did you have a hand in this? 1.3876 0.04722 178 123 41 14
519 Hey, don't blame me, I'm only the messenger. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
520 Dummies now run the country: you're fired. 1.3873 0.05219 173 126 27 20
521 I can't sell this to the client. Do I look like a magician? 1.3873 0.05154 173 125 29 19
522 I'm not a puppet. I'm a corporate-drone middle-manager. There's a difference. 1.3873 0.04530 173 116 47 10
523 But make it sound like it's from him. 1.3873 0.04379 173 114 51 8
524 It's a 'Management for Dummies' book. You need it more than I do. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
525 We regret to inform you that you’re being replaced by a real dummy. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
526 Are you the dummy who wrote this report? 1.3873 0.04747 173 119 41 13
527 It's another round of downsizing 1.3873 0.04817 173 120 39 14
528 Be honest, Jim. Are you the one who wrote 'dummy' on the performance review? 1.3873 0.04530 173 116 47 10
529 Excellent work, Bernstein, if I do say so myself. 1.3873 0.04955 173 122 35 16
530 I don't mean to be a micromanager. 1.3873 0.04676 173 118 43 12
531 Here's my resignation. Let some other dummy do your dirty work. 1.3873 0.05022 173 123 33 17
532 Don't shoot me, I'm only carrying the messenger 1.3873 0.04747 173 119 41 13
533 Bill says he's getting tired. I'll need you to bring me to the eleven o'clock meeting. 1.3873 0.04887 173 121 37 15
534 Yes that’s right Don read my lips, you’re fired 1.3864 0.04477 176 118 48 10
535 I pull the strings here, not you! 1.3864 0.04620 176 120 44 12
536 Didn't you get the downsizing memo? 1.3860 0.04638 171 116 44 11
537 Apparently, our policy on Appropriate Workplace Touching doesn’t apply to management. 1.3860 0.05328 171 126 24 21
538 HR is now offering free, discreet prostate exams. 1.3860 0.05063 171 122 32 17
539 In the spirit of #MeToo, I feel the section on ‘inappropriate touching’ should be updated. 1.3860 0.05063 171 122 32 17
540 What do you mean by this note, 'Speak for yourself'? 1.3860 0.04711 171 117 42 12
541 I have a small complaint. 1.3860 0.04855 171 119 38 14
542 I didn't say that... You put words in my mouth! 1.3860 0.04638 171 116 44 11
543 So who's the puppet master now, Steve? 1.3860 0.04995 171 121 34 16
544 Ok, you never heard this from me.... 1.3851 0.04582 174 118 45 11
545 I see we are downsizing again 1.3851 0.04998 174 124 33 17
546 Yes, I'm afraid it's about the downsizing. 1.3851 0.04795 174 121 39 14
547 It’s right here in black and white. Any dummy can do your job! 1.3846 0.04748 169 116 41 12
548 I'd quit, but I can't find another company whose insurance covers my carpenter. 1.3846 0.04821 169 117 39 13
549 Here's your pink slip. Who's calling who a dummy now? 1.3846 0.04894 169 118 37 14
550 He micro manages me too. 1.3846 0.04894 169 118 37 14
551 It’s a great offer. No strings attached. 1.3846 0.04441 169 112 49 8
552 Yur ired 1.3846 0.05036 169 120 33 16
553 You can talk to me or you can talk to the Big Guy. 1.3846 0.04597 169 114 45 10
554 Look, Johnson, corporate's gonna be up my ass if you don't get these reports done. 1.3837 0.05106 172 124 30 18
555 It's a memo about the downsizing. 1.3837 0.04832 172 120 38 14
556 The guy with the hand up my a** says you mispelled both ‘obnoxious’ and ‘puppet’ in his annual job review. 1.3837 0.04761 172 119 40 13
557 Can you explain this "micro-manage" comment in your e-mail? 1.3832 0.04860 167 116 38 13
558 And for the final part of your training, we'll teach you how to recognize dummy accounts. 1.3832 0.04933 167 117 36 14
559 We need a third signature. 1.3832 0.05006 167 118 34 15
560 I regret to inform you that you're no longer the boss's right-hand man. 1.3832 0.04933 167 117 36 14
561 John here would keep you on, but I'm letting you go. 1.3832 0.04632 167 113 44 10
562 Actually, he's the one pulling the strings around here. 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
563 What’s the big idea leaving a note? Talk to me like a real man. 1.3832 0.05078 167 119 32 16
564 Your job has been down-sized. 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
565 You didn't answer my memo, so read my lips. 1.3824 0.04798 170 118 39 13
566 Here's my resume. I can prove I worked in the White House Communications Office. 1.3824 0.05080 170 122 31 17
567 He's the one telling all the lies? Not me! 1.3824 0.04651 170 116 43 11
568 I'm not at liberty to say who told me. 1.3824 0.04725 170 117 41 12
569 I've discovered a flaw in our cloning algorithm. 1.3818 0.04899 165 115 37 13
570 NOT MY FAULT ! He’s holding me up. 1.3818 0.04974 165 116 35 14
571 I receithed your neno and I hathe son klestions. 1.3810 0.05052 168 120 32 16
572 I want you to meet my new right hand man. 1.3795 0.04949 166 117 35 14
573 Well, what do you expect from a dummy corporation. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
574 THIS BILL IS OUTRAGEOUS---- DO YOU THINK I"AM A DUMMY? 1.3795 0.05095 166 119 31 16
575 Here's a phiece of phapher. 1.3795 0.05095 166 119 31 16
576 I may be a dummy, but I'm still your boss. 1.3795 0.05305 166 122 25 19
577 Don't blame the messenger's messenger. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
578 I'm his right-hand man. 1.3795 0.05022 166 118 33 15
579 They told me "any dummy can do this job", so I've been given yours. 1.3795 0.04645 166 113 43 10
580 The boss doesn't have a hand in this. You're fired. 1.3795 0.04723 166 114 41 11
581 I hate to micromanage, but that's kind of how I was built. 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
582 Please don't shoot the messenger. 1.3780 0.05138 164 118 30 16
583 When I said delegate this is not what I meant, John. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
584 'Dummy' is out. From now on it's 'a plastic and/or wooden employee with a voice from an outside source'. 1.3780 0.04518 164 110 46 8
585 Fred, I wish it was me he was letting go rather than you. 1.3780 0.05138 164 118 30 16
586 This says I've been promoted to micromanager. 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
587 I'm applying for a position where I sit on a chair instead of a finger. 1.3780 0.04914 164 115 36 13
588 Confronted with the results of his prank, Gary regretted leaving that copy of "Office Management for Dummies" on his bosses desk. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
589 As you see, I am making this offer with no strings attached. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
590 What did you mean by 'dummy corporation'? 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
591 You need to get the CEO off my back 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
592 I wish that HIS hand was as small as yours. 1.3780 0.05210 164 119 28 17
593 Here’s my formal resignation. No one calls me a dummy. 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
594 Heads up - the boss just let me know we're downsizing. 1.3780 0.04680 164 112 42 10
595 Read my lips. 1.3780 0.05210 164 119 28 17
596 I'll take his hand outta mine when you take your head outta yours. 1.3780 0.05210 164 119 28 17
597 We’re being downsized. 1.3780 0.04600 164 111 44 9
598 But if it makes you feel any better, we are ALL getting downsized. 1.3772 0.04925 167 118 35 14
599 Wuddya mean 'equal pay for equal height' ?? 1.3765 0.05399 162 120 23 19
600 He hates to bring bad news. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
601 Did you write this? It doesn’t sound like you. 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
602 Alright, Jim, now before I go over your evaluation, kindly hand Louis that completely full glass of water. 1.3765 0.04798 162 112 39 11
603 You call this a report? What kind of a dummy do you think I am? 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
604 And remember, we outnumber you one and a half to one. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
605 When I want your opinion, he'll give it to you! 1.3765 0.04798 162 112 39 11
606 I'm sick and tired of taking orders from these corporate puppets. 1.3765 0.04717 162 111 41 10
607 We hope you don't mind a little micromanagement. 1.3765 0.05182 162 117 29 16
608 Corporate told me the company needed to downsize. 1.3765 0.04955 162 114 35 13
609 I'm keeping a stiff upper lip no matter what he says. 1.3765 0.04717 162 111 41 10
610 Just got word from corporate: we're downsizing. 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
611 Sorry but the decision is out of my hands. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
612 Remember that comment about 'Management for Dummies'? Well I read it. And you're fired. 1.3758 0.05039 165 118 32 15
613 I'll be out next week. Here's a note from my carpenter. 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
614 ...and THEN he returned to work without washing his hands. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
615 This letter certifies I'm his emotional support dummy. 1.3750 0.05301 160 117 26 17
616 I think my resume speaks for itself. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
617 No strings attached? It's worse. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
618 This document advises you that all communications with my client are to be conducted through me and that he is not a party to any conversation. 1.3750 0.04917 160 112 36 12
619 I'm going to drop this off and leave. I know what it's like to have someone breathing down my neck. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
620 Notice his lips never move as we explain your severance package... 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
621 My client represents a dummy corporation. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
622 And remember, nobody working in the White House gave you these instructions. 1.3750 0.05227 160 116 28 16
623 I hear you are researching the McCarthy era. 1.3750 0.05074 160 114 32 14
624 He'd tell you himself but he's got laryngitis. 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
625 I was totally in favor of downsizing Management, but this was not what I had in mind 1.3750 0.04996 160 113 34 13
626 Are you the dummy who wrote this? 1.3750 0.05227 160 116 28 16
627 It's just a little request from the Big Guy. 1.3750 0.04917 160 112 36 12
628 Do I look like I would spend $200 on wine? 1.3750 0.04754 160 110 40 10
629 The dummy behind me wants a raise! 1.3750 0.05227 160 116 28 16
630 Henry could you be a doll, and get these reports on my desk in an hour? 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
631 hey small hands - look at me when I'm talking to you ! 1.3734 0.04958 158 111 35 12
632 Bad news Dudley, we're downsizing. 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
633 I tell you I AM your President pay no attention to man behind me. Right Vladimir? 1.3734 0.05118 158 113 31 14
634 You’re fired! Who’s the dummy now? 1.3734 0.04792 158 109 39 10
635 It's a new kind of voicemail 1.3734 0.04876 158 110 37 11
636 My eyes are down here, buddy. 1.3734 0.04533 158 106 45 7
637 I think I speak for others when I say this memo is an insult. 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
638 I'd like to file a harassment claim. 1.3734 0.04958 158 111 35 12
639 We're sorry to let you go--and I'm not just saying that 1.3727 0.04892 161 113 36 12
640 I'm not very good with confrontation. You're fired. 1.3725 0.04984 153 107 35 11
641 I am handing in my resignation since you won't listen to him 1.3725 0.04984 153 107 35 11
642 I'd like to formally file this sexual harassment complaint against a certain handsy co-worker. 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
643 I'm done reviewing the small print. 1.3718 0.04567 156 105 44 7
644 Here are my written comments - I'm tired of other people putting words in my mouth. 1.3718 0.05320 156 114 26 16
645 " Well, you asked for the dummy file"! 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
646 I'd like to file a sexual harassment claim against my co-worker here. 1.3711 0.05012 159 113 33 13
647 We consider your use of 'dummy corporation' a microaggression. 1.3711 0.04768 159 110 39 10
648 I dummied this up so you would understand it. 1.3711 0.05091 159 114 31 14
649 You can see where his hand is, can't you? And you don't consider this an inappropriate workplace behavior? 1.3711 0.05245 159 116 27 16
650 Can you get this done? Management is really up my you know what. 1.3711 0.05091 159 114 31 14
651 For this project I've decided to put myself entirely in your hands. 1.3711 0.04510 159 107 45 7
652 " Eyes down here dummy". 1.3701 0.05042 154 109 33 12
653 I'm only the messenger. 1.3701 0.04602 154 104 43 7
654 How many times to I have to ask you not to cc him on your emails to me ? 1.3701 0.05208 154 111 29 14
655 Sorry, he had to choose between you and me. 1.3701 0.05208 154 111 29 14
656 This is his letter of resignation I'm staying on. 1.3701 0.04957 154 108 35 11
657 Hey don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. 1.3701 0.04871 154 107 37 10
658 Well, what did you think they meant when they said we were all being downsized? 1.3701 0.04783 154 106 39 9
659 Feel free to shoot the messenger. 1.3701 0.05126 154 110 31 13
660 I would never say this. 1.3701 0.04783 154 106 39 9
661 This is our list of grievances, starting with the termites. 1.3694 0.04890 157 110 36 11
662 I don't need a computer, I already have artificial intelligence. 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
663 I have it in writing that he won't speak for me any more. 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
664 Don’t look at me like that – I have just as little control over this as you do. 1.3684 0.05171 152 109 30 13
665 Yur ired 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
666 In recognition of your work, I'm presenting you with a gift certificate for my new book: "Dummies for Dummies." 1.3684 0.05337 152 111 26 15
667 We make firing fun. You're fired. 1.3684 0.04912 152 106 36 10
668 This document speaks for itself. 1.3677 0.05015 155 110 33 12
669 He couldn’t bring himself to fire you in person. 1.3660 0.04885 153 107 36 10
670 I assure you. There are no strings attached. 1.3660 0.04973 153 108 34 11
671 I'm sorry we have to let you go, but it turns out that even a dummy could do your job 1.3660 0.04796 153 106 38 9
672 I didn’t say that, he did. 1.3660 0.04973 153 108 34 11
673 I have brought a proposal for my new book, VENTRILOQUISM FOR DUMMIES. 1.3660 0.05388 153 113 24 16
674 Remember, you didn’t hear it from him. 1.3660 0.05226 153 111 28 14
675 Alan, did you have a hand in this?! 1.3654 0.05152 156 113 29 14
676 Here's my two weeks notice. I ventriloquit. 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
677 Yes, Jim, I heard you, we’re all puppets in corporate America, but I’m a little busy right now. 1.3642 0.04836 151 105 37 9
678 In what universe is it fair to pay one for the work of two? 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
679 I need you to do this so I can get him off my ass. 1.3642 0.05188 151 109 29 13
680 'Excel for Dummies?' What do you take me for? 1.3642 0.05188 151 109 29 13
681 Dummy is so retro. I prefer humanistically impaired. 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
682 Guess which one of us wrote your resignation letter? 1.3642 0.04744 151 104 39 8
683 #metwo 1.3642 0.05273 151 110 27 14
684 I need you to record this Non-Disclosure Agreement,concerning his hand placement. 1.3642 0.05356 151 111 25 15
685 Trust me, this is verifiable, first-hand information. 1.3642 0.05015 151 107 33 11
686 You've been selected for downsizing, too. 1.3636 0.05115 154 111 30 13
687 I can't take this report seriously. 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
688 Mr. Hannigan is going to fire you, Mark. I wanted you to hear it from me first. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
689 You're fired. So who's the dummy? 1.3624 0.04782 149 103 38 8
690 Here! Any dummy can figure this out. 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
691 When I hired you, I warned you never to call me "dummy." 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
692 Good news, my doctor here says my prostate is just fine. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
693 You're being downsized, too. 1.3624 0.05059 149 106 32 11
694 You ever get the feeling in this office that someone is always talking about you behind your back? 1.3624 0.05235 149 108 28 13
695 Sorry to have to let you go Petersen, but we need people around here who can think for themselves! 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
696 He's not a ventriloquist, he's a coward. 1.3624 0.04968 149 105 34 10
697 He’s taken a vow of silence until Trump leaves the White House. 1.3624 0.05651 149 113 18 18
698 We have a small problem... 1.3624 0.04876 149 104 36 9
699 Who's the dummy? You work here by choice. 1.3618 0.04900 152 107 35 10
700 To answer your question, yes. I've hired a human to do my job. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
701 I would like to file a complaint for inappropriate touching from my supervisor. 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
702 'I'm gonna need a hand, Phil' 1.3605 0.05370 147 108 25 14
703 Don't worry, he's been carrying me for years. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
704 Human Resources, right? Can you get this guy's hand out of my ass? 1.3605 0.05370 147 108 25 14
705 You're fired. But president says you are a great guy. 1.3605 0.05194 147 106 29 12
706 This is a grievance about our current job sharing arrangement. 1.3605 0.05194 147 106 29 12
707 I told you, I speak for myself. 1.3605 0.04724 147 101 39 7
708 At least my hands are proportionate to the rest of my body. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
709 This time I brought my attorney: he speaks for me. 1.3605 0.04821 147 102 37 8
710 Sign this so I can get this guy off my ass. 1.3605 0.05456 147 109 23 15
711 I'd like to place this ad for a female ventriloquist! 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
712 Welcome to the Trump legal team. 1.3605 0.05283 147 107 27 13
713 Mr. Jones is submitting his resignation by proxy. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
714 Number three -- the termite jokes are creating a hostile work environment. 1.3605 0.04917 147 103 35 9
715 You think the boss is up your ass? 1.3600 0.05539 150 113 20 17
716 Hey Dan, you were right. My 23andMe test results show that I am, in fact, a puppet. 1.3600 0.04849 150 105 36 9
717 Here's a memo about our transition from an LLC to a Dummy Corporation. 1.3595 0.04873 153 108 35 10
718 All employees are required to wash their hands. 1.3586 0.05332 145 106 26 13
719 I think I figured out how we’re going to win the Pinocchio account. 1.3586 0.04557 145 98 42 5
720 Yes, I’ve submitted two sets of expenses. You got a problem with that? 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
721 Read my lips, Johnson! I need this on my desk by five! 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
722 Speak for yourself. 1.3586 0.05149 145 104 30 11
723 They told me I was being downsized. 1.3586 0.05241 145 105 28 12
724 Corporate's downsizing all of us. 1.3586 0.05332 145 106 26 13
725 But you said you wanted the short version. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
726 Please take my complaint -- this guy won't keep his hands off me! 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
727 “It says here, “Read my lips”. 1.3581 0.04983 148 105 33 10
728 Remember, you didn't get this from me. 1.3581 0.04983 148 105 33 10
729 I told you it was so easy a dummy could do it. 1.3581 0.05074 148 106 31 11
730 Here's the paperwork for our dummy corporation. 1.3571 0.05019 154 111 31 12
731 I stand corrected. Any dummy could *not* do your job. Please accept my apologies. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
732 We believe the résumé speaks for itself. 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
733 Look at me in the eyes when I talk to you! 1.3566 0.05382 143 105 25 13
734 Really, Carl? You couldn't just come to me directly with this information? 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
735 Here is my formal complaint. I’m a victim of inappropriate touching. 1.3566 0.05736 143 109 17 17
736 Is this the right form for disclosing an intra-office relationship? 1.3566 0.05472 143 106 23 14
737 What do you mean, 'cut out the middle man' ? 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
738 You're job is being outsourced to a bunch of shadow puppets in Thailand. Now who's the dummy? 1.3566 0.04903 143 100 35 8
739 I won't be a puppet for this organization one day longer. Order me a chair! 1.3566 0.05382 143 105 25 13
740 I hope you can read shorthand 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
741 I'm getting everybody to sign this birthday card for Randall. 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
742 Grimsby, the boss wants you to read this memo about being more direct with your co-workers. 1.3566 0.05002 143 101 33 9
743 The big guy doesn't have the heart to give you this pink slip, but I don't have a heart, so here it is and away you go........! 1.3566 0.05195 143 103 29 11
744 I don't want to work here anyway. You're just a bunch of dummies who keep putting words in my mouth. 1.3551 0.04911 138 96 35 7
745 This is a subpoena. Who's the dummy now? 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
746 I want to report him. He’s being inappropriate. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
747 Have you seen this memo about staff reductions? 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
748 I just don't feel like it's written in your authentic voice... 1.3546 0.04841 141 98 36 7
749 I don't like being the bad guy but my boss is really getting up my ass about this one 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
750 Hey, being downsized isn't so bad. 1.3546 0.04841 141 98 36 7
751 You have the right to remain silent, but I don't. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
752 Legal says this is the only way we can both have deniability. 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
753 Read it yourself, Dummy 1.3546 0.05706 141 107 18 16
754 Here you go, straight from the big man. 1.3546 0.04736 141 97 38 6
755 Could you rewrite this so even a dummy can understand it? 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
756 Here's a list of our demands. First of all, I want an employee ID badge that doesn't say "Fred's Dummy." 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
757 He thinks you're a great guy and wants to remain friends. I couldn't care less. Here's your notice. You're fired. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
758 I'm speechless. 1.3546 0.04841 141 98 36 7
759 Are you the dummy who wrote this? 1.3546 0.05046 141 100 32 9
760 I'm here to be President Trump's new Press Secretary. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
761 I write the fine print. 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
762 You thought it ended with transgender rights? 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
763 I'd like to voice a concern. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
764 Please review and sign the updated list of phrases that are no longer acceptable to use in the work place. This list includes phrases like “micromanagment”, “out of reach” and “short staffed”. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
765 I didn't want to let you go. But I'm just a puppet of management. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
766 It’s called plausible deniability. 1.3542 0.05070 144 103 31 10
767 Mike, you wanna hand me your coffee cup so that Andy, here, can appear to be drinking while I read your pink slip to you? 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
768 He thought you were going to shoot the messenger. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
769 He says to tell you that we're downsizing. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
770 I was afraid of this. We've become a puppet state. 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
771 Hey, I'm just doing what the man tells me. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
772 We find the term ‘puppet’ problematic 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
773 It’s an outline for my book, Ventriloquism For Dummies 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
774 The Vice President hates your memo. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
775 Here, look! I'm the one that paid the $130,000! 1.3525 0.05580 139 104 21 14
776 He's the boss, but I give the orders. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
777 You're 'ired, Joe, here's your 'ink slib" 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
778 What made you presume you could speak for me? 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
779 Get this done, or my boss will be up your ass. 1.3521 0.05116 142 102 30 10
780 Read this back to me, without moving your lips. 1.3521 0.05212 142 103 28 11
781 Redo the speech, it still has words I have to move my lips to say. 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
782 Jim, this guy keeps following me and speaking behind my back. 1.3521 0.04916 142 100 34 8
783 Is this your idea of a second opinion? 1.3521 0.05017 142 101 32 9
784 This restraining order is a joke! He's still on my back. 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
785 Look on the bright side. The people in the mailroom were told by the downsizing sock puppet. 1.3507 0.05531 134 99 23 12
786 Here’s a summary of the report I need – have it on my knee first thing Monday morning. 1.3507 0.05324 134 97 27 10
787 Next time you have something to say to me, say it to my face. 1.3504 0.04814 137 95 36 6
788 Listen to me, not him. To get the President's attention, we need to dummy down our message. 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
789 They were going to send in the clown but I said I’d do it... 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
790 The boss asked what dummy wrote this memo. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
791 I want you to know, it wasn’t my decision. 1.3504 0.05241 137 99 28 10
792 He can't tell you how sorry he is that he has to let you go. 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
793 Maybe you didn't get the memo. We're downsizing and I'm the new micromanager. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
794 Hey, tell this schmuck behind me he's fired. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
795 My shrink told me to lose the dummy...so you're fired 1.3504 0.05442 137 101 24 12
796 Who says so? 1.3500 0.05260 140 102 27 11
797 I want to submit this sexual harrassment complaint - You would not believe where he has put his hands 1.3500 0.05162 140 101 29 10
798 I'm so sorry... I'm pretty sure Stevens had a hand in this. 1.3500 0.05162 140 101 29 10
799 Larry, you're being promoted. Take this form to the Ventrilo department to get fitted for your own puppet. 1.3500 0.05357 140 103 25 12
800 Here is a list of employee demands. Would you rather we do this while Hotchkiss drinks a glass of water? 1.3500 0.05061 140 100 31 9
801 We've looked over your proposal, Peterson. Larry's onboard. I'm not there yet. 1.3500 0.04854 140 98 35 7
802 you've been selected for our employee downsizing initiative 1.3485 0.05043 132 93 32 7
803 Consider yourself lucky. All you're getting is this pink slip. I'm the one who's getting the shaft all day long. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
804 What do you mean talking out of both sides of my mouth? 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
805 Let me see you read it without moving your lips. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
806 Memo says we're being downsized. 1.3481 0.05291 135 98 27 10
807 The jerk with his hand up my bum says you’re fired. 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
808 This is gibberish. Do you think I'm some kind of dummy? 1.3481 0.05496 135 100 23 12
809 I need to file a sexual harassment suit against the guy with his hand in my pants! 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
810 I better have this on my tiny desk by the end of the day. 1.3481 0.04740 135 93 37 5
811 I was CC'd on this email: For the record: it's "Dummy", not "Moron". 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
812 He couldn't do it, but I can. .... Son-in-law, YOUR'E FIRED! 1.3481 0.05693 135 102 19 14
813 Bad news. You've been downsized. 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
814 He made me do it. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
815 Yes, it's a subpoena dummy 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
816 Tell me you didn't actually write 'Dummy Corporation' in your business proposal 1.3481 0.05595 135 101 21 13
817 Management has been up my ass about the recent marketing mistake. 1.3481 0.05884 135 104 15 16
818 I know I'm your pain in the ass, but he is mine. 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
819 In light of work visa restrictions, we're experimenting with new staffing models. 1.3481 0.04967 135 95 33 7
820 It says here equal pay for equal work and don’t call me dummy. 1.3478 0.04786 138 96 36 6
821 Good news, you're my biological father. 1.3478 0.05967 138 108 12 18
822 I'd like to submit a complaint about a man following me. 1.3475 0.04720 141 98 37 6
823 But the policy says it can’t be harassment if I didn’t actually say it. 1.3475 0.04826 141 99 35 7
824 Bad news. We got rejected for the “Two and Half Men” reboot. 1.3462 0.04724 130 89 37 4
825 From one dummy to another, you are fired. 1.3462 0.05537 130 96 23 11
826 In spite of the restraining order, wherever I go, he’s still right behind me! 1.3459 0.05342 133 97 26 10
827 Well, now I make him write everything down, or else he takes the words right out of my mouth! 1.3459 0.04779 133 92 36 5
828 It says you agree to me acting as intermediary. 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
829 Here's a promo for my latest book "Microsoft Office By and For Dummies". 1.3459 0.05447 133 98 24 11
830 Todd's voice is gone, so I will be speaking for him. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
831 When drafting legal documents, we do not use the word ‘mouthpiece.’ 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
832 The prose might be kind of wooden, but I'm sure you can fix it. 1.3459 0.05447 133 98 24 11
833 Hi, I'm Terry. I will be handing out the Pink Slips for Barry. 1.3459 0.04534 133 90 40 3
834 He struggles with confrontation. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
835 Yet another memo from the dummy. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
836 This is what I meant by Management for Dummies. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
837 I pulled some strings to get you this assignment. 1.3459 0.05447 133 98 24 11
838 Unfortunately we're downsizing. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
839 Don't take this personally, but we're downsizing the department. 1.3459 0.05011 133 94 32 7
840 He doesn’t know how to say this, so… 1.3456 0.05360 136 100 25 11
841 We're doing it this way to insure his deniability. 1.3456 0.05046 136 97 31 8
842 I’m afraid that sticking it THERE is, at the moment, impossible! 1.3456 0.05461 136 101 23 12
843 The whole take your child to work vibe changed once Leon started bringing his puppets. 1.3456 0.05258 136 99 27 10
844 Some accountant you are! I checked with the IRS myself and under the new tax law, I CAN claim him as a dependent! 1.3456 0.05360 136 100 25 11
845 Put this in our dummy account. 1.3451 0.04693 142 99 37 6
846 That's right, I'm the blockhead who setup the dummy account. 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
847 We were just let go for job redundancy. 1.3435 0.05171 131 94 29 8
848 Have it on my desk, which is on his desk, by morning. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
849 He'd tell you himself but he hates conflict. 1.3435 0.05284 131 95 27 9
850 Listen, I'm micro management. 1.3435 0.05501 131 97 23 11
851 I'd like to file an HR complaint about this downsizing memo. 1.3435 0.05171 131 94 29 8
852 I'm your new micro-manager. 1.3435 0.05607 131 98 21 12
853 I have a little addendum. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
854 I've decided to write my own material. 1.3435 0.05056 131 93 31 7
855 Here's a memo that states from now on I speak for Allen. 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
856 I believe I speak for the boss, here, when I tell you, "You're fired!" 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
857 Think this might hold his attention at the next intelligence briefing? 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
858 Here’s my nomination for employee of the year award. 1.3435 0.05284 131 95 27 9
859 What's all this about keeping the 'little dummy' out of the loop? 1.3435 0.05711 131 99 19 13
860 I wish we didn't have to let you go, but of course it's not my decision to make. 1.3433 0.05412 134 99 24 11
861 LIMERICK: I once had a boss named Dick...He did a ventriloquist schtick...He thought it was funny...To talk through his dummy...But he just came across as a prick. 1.3433 0.05412 134 99 24 11
862 I’m no dummy. You’re not the first person to try and put words in my mouth. 1.3431 0.05016 137 98 31 8
863 Care to sign my petition on micro-managing? 1.3413 0.05423 126 92 25 9
864 My right-hand man has this great new proposal. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
865 If I give you these instructions I printed off the internet, you can turn me into a real boy by tomorrow, right? 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
866 Shoot the messenger. 1.3411 0.05665 129 97 20 12
867 Heck, it’s easy. Any dum... er, anyone, can do it. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
868 Listen, the boss has really been "up my ass" on this one. 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
869 It's not my fault that your boss called a talent agency instead of a temp agency. 1.3411 0.04983 129 91 32 6
870 Your non-confrontational boss has fired you. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
871 Sorry about this, but they forced my hand. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
872 It's from HR. Stop using my head when you knock wood. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
873 Who's the dummy now, big guy? Check out these numbers! 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
874 You look like you could use a hand. 1.3411 0.04733 129 89 36 4
875 Just sign this nondisclosure agreement. The money is from my personal account. My boss will reimburse me but he doesn't know anything about it. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
876 Here's the inside scoop, but let's just say you didn't hear it from me! 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
877 Yeah? Well this dummy’s got a corner office. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
878 It seems nobody has the guts to discuss these personal hygiene tips with you. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
879 For the record, I am not management’s puppet! 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
880 Just so you know, letting you go wasn't my idea. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
881 This is brilliant work, I really related to your piece on being a "puppet for the man" 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
882 I bet you'd find the HR complaint more credible if he was constantly grabbing your behind! 1.3411 0.05557 129 96 22 11
883 Yes, I am speaking for myself! 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
884 Wilson, cancel this press release! You've got to stop putting words in my mouth. 1.3411 0.04983 129 91 32 6
885 It's called "Dummies for Dummies" 1.3409 0.05139 132 95 29 8
886 The preferred term is Manual Verbal Partner. 1.3409 0.05025 132 94 31 7
887 If my client could speak, he would tell you nothing. 1.3409 0.04789 132 92 35 5
888 He's a rescue 1.3409 0.05673 132 100 19 13
889 Why doesn't my invitation to your wedding have Plus-One? 1.3409 0.04908 132 93 33 6
890 Here is the independent confirmation for your story 1.3409 0.05359 132 97 25 10
891 The sock monkey is on family leave. 1.3409 0.05466 132 98 23 11
892 Read my lips..."No Collusion" 1.3407 0.05480 135 101 22 12
893 These are my terms. I can work for two ventriloquists but you can't both talk at the same time. 1.3386 0.05725 127 96 19 12
894 Do you know who you're talking to? I don't think you know just who you're talking to. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
895 Parsons, when addressing a memo to management, the "d" in dummy should always be capitalized. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
896 If it comes out of my mouth, you can be sure it's fake news. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
897 My boss lets me speak for myself. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
898 I'm collecting signatures on my petition to include termite treatment in our medical benefits. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
899 This is my therapy doll. He's firing you. 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
900 This report looks like it was written for dummies! 1.3386 0.05502 127 94 23 10
901 I’m sick of you office drones looking down on us corporate puppets. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
902 Arnold, I got us a great price on the Toys R Us deal, no strings attached. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
903 Here's your notice, we're downsizing. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
904 HR said that it would be easier this way, that it would "lighten the mood". I see now that they were mistaken. Please pack your belongings by the end of the day. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
905 Here is my client's statement that he has no knowledge of anything and that I'm not his attorney. 1.3386 0.05502 127 94 23 10
906 I need it before I go back in my trunk. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
907 As Mr. Jackson’s attorney, all communication must go through me. 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
908 Boss has been up my ass about getting you these reports. 1.3386 0.05502 127 94 23 10
909 HR policy, the word 'D' word is out, from now on, 'Ventriloquist's emotional support assistant' is the appropriate term, got that? 1.3386 0.05150 127 91 29 7
910 I demand equal pay. 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
911 Meet the new office shrink. 1.3386 0.05270 127 92 27 8
912 You heard ree: we ha a warren te sersh de remses. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
913 Well, you said any dummy could it. 1.3386 0.05614 127 95 21 11
914 Sorry, the AI is down. 1.3386 0.04639 127 87 37 3
915 Who’s the dummy now? 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
916 From now on, this office will only have one micromanager. 1.3385 0.04951 130 92 32 6
917 Of course I stand behind this policy. 1.3385 0.05186 130 94 28 8
918 This letter from HR says you must address me as Jimbo even if you can see Steve's mouth moving, which you totally can't. 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
919 In my whole career as a therapy puppet, I’ve never seen such a mediocre report. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
920 Can you read shorthand? 1.3383 0.04993 133 95 31 7
921 Here's my proctologist's number. I highly recommend him. 1.3383 0.05325 133 98 25 10
922 My therapist told me speaking in the third person helps regulate my emotions. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
923 I wish management wasn’t so controlling. 1.3360 0.04944 125 88 32 5
924 I'd email these to you, but then how would you know he's a ventriloquist? 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
925 Hey, I'm just the messenger. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
926 The rumors are true, we're scaling down. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
927 HR needs you to identify which of us you referred to as a 'dummy' in a suit. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
928 ‘Read it! It speak’s for itself’ 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
929 This is a great scoop but I can’t reveal my source. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
930 I think it’s great, I’m just not sure the big man’s gonna like it. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
931 Pleased to meet you, I'm your bosses "therapy dummy". Here's your pink slip and he had nothing to do with this. 1.3360 0.05786 125 95 18 12
932 Can you take a look at this? The boss has been up my ass all day. 1.3360 0.05786 125 95 18 12
933 He's a hands-in kind of boss. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
934 Read my lips: do it over 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
935 Attempts at "fun terminations" were not going well. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
936 This is going to be hard to say 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
937 Do exactly what it says, or the big guy here gets it! 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
938 This is to put you on notice that you can no longer put words in my mouth. 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
939 The other dummy says you're fired, too. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
940 My anger-management therapist said I should do this... just take the f•cking paper. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
941 We're just not comfortable with your communication skills. 1.3360 0.04812 125 87 34 4
942 Here’s his resume. You get two for the price of one, I do all the talking and he does all the work. 1.3360 0.05786 125 95 18 12
943 We're not dummies. We're verbally-assisted communicators. 1.3359 0.05351 128 94 25 9
944 I took the words right out of his mouth. 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
945 Don't blame the messenger. 1.3359 0.05465 128 95 23 10
946 Who has the useless skill now? 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
947 It’s part of our two-factor verification process. 1.3359 0.05686 128 97 19 12
948 Did You Go Over My Head!! 1.3359 0.05116 128 92 29 7
949 If it was up to me I wouldn't fire you, but it's out of my hands. 1.3359 0.05116 128 92 29 7
950 Honestly Bill I wouldn't be making this proposal if it wasn't for the size of your hands. 1.3359 0.05465 128 95 23 10
951 I'm sure you've heard rumors that we're having a "reduction in size" here. 1.3359 0.05465 128 95 23 10
952 I'm afraid there's only room for one dummy in this organization. 1.3333 0.05734 123 93 19 11
953 Little Boss Man says it's time to pack your bags. Big Boss Man says thanks for your service. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
954 And, finally, I resent being called a dummy. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
955 As you see, the downsizing impacts us all 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
956 A brief reminder, Simmons, that I’m pulling the strings around here. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
957 Corporate has sent some dummy to lay you off. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
958 I need to file a complaint with HR. This guy won’t take his hand out of my ass. 1.3333 0.05962 123 95 15 13
959 Who's the dummy now Wilson? 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
960 Oh, but I can talk to you this way... Apparently, HR has no power over the ventriloquist loophole. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
961 Don't put words in my mouth, Perkins--I never said we were downsizing! 1.3333 0.04963 129 92 31 6
962 I'm filing a complaint. This guy wasn't in the job description. 1.3333 0.05849 123 94 17 12
963 It's our new diversity policy 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
964 Don’t just stare at me, Bob. What do you take me for, a dummy?! 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
965 Here's his resume, please give him something to do so he'll get his hand out of my ass! 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
966 I'm sorry, but it's out of my hands. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
967 from one dummy to another---next time read the memo. 1.3333 0.05404 126 93 24 9
968 I'm a third-party consultant. 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
969 I'm just the messenger, but you're fired. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
970 Let's not make this more uncomfortable than it has to be. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
971 Brad isn't very good with confrontation. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
972 Gag order doesn't apply to me, Jimbo! 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
973 Take your child to work day was always an uncomfortable affair for Eugene... 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
974 ' Here's my letter of resignation;he won't let me speak for myself." 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
975 This comes straight from the big guy. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
976 You lost the vote for team leader 2 to 1. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
977 Are you the one sending me all these dummy emails? 1.3306 0.05458 124 92 23 9
978 Without moving your lips, what do you have to say about this? 1.3306 0.05458 124 92 23 9
979 Here's a non-biased third-party review of your performance. 1.3306 0.05676 121 91 20 10
980 Your layoff notice. Who's the dummy now? 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
981 It's always the puppets that climb the corporate ladder. 1.3280 0.04922 125 89 31 5
982 Candice Bergen is suing you. 1.3280 0.05539 125 94 21 10
983 You're fired. That's the last time you'll call me a Muppet. 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
984 After pulling a few strings your transfer was approved. 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
985 Hey, I said read my lips, not his! 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
986 I documented every time you called me dummy. 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
987 So what!? You are communicating through a mouse. 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
988 Congratulations - you've been served. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
989 That idiot Carl glued this to my hand. What? He's right behind be, isn't he? 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
990 I'm not sure what you mean in your complaint about me "micromanaging". 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
991 I don't want to see YOUR lips moving until this list is done. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
992 I don't know about you, but I always feel my work is being influenced by some higher power. 1.3279 0.04574 122 84 36 2
993 No he's NOT putting words in my mouth. 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
994 Hi... I'm responding to your ad for Windows for Dummies lessons... 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
995 Could you mail this letter for me? I'd ask my friend, but I know exactly where his hand has been. 1.3279 0.05755 122 93 18 11
996 What part of 'you're being replaced by a dummy' don't you understand? 1.3279 0.04861 122 86 32 4
997 You thought his micromanaging was annoying before... 1.3279 0.04861 122 86 32 4
998 He needs more note pads and pens, and I need hemorrhoid cream. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
999 Leave the talking to me. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1000 I am here to give you my resume for Chancellor of Germany. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1001 You know, I didn't really want to let you go. It's the Big Man that's pulling the strings here--it's outta my hands, bud. 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
1002 Who's the dummy now? You're being audited. 1.3279 0.04999 122 87 30 5
1003 Listen to me, not the big guy! I'm the one pulling the strings. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1004 Can you check to see if this NDA I signed can be tossed? I want to write a book about all the lies that have come out of my mouth. 1.3267 0.06151 101 76 17 8
1005 If you don't like this, tell it to the hand. 1.3254 0.05143 126 92 27 7
1006 Oh great, now I have two dummies for a boss. 1.3252 0.05476 123 92 22 9
1007 Johnson, I need you to review the Fassbinder contract. Oh, and tell Stevens to put me down. 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1008 I guarantee that if you sign this, he will keep his mouth shut. 1.3252 0.05596 123 93 20 10
1009 Why would there be strings attached? 1.3252 0.05227 123 90 26 7
1010 I'm here to apply as Trump's spokeperson. 1.3252 0.05714 123 94 18 11
1011 It's your turn to take me to the board meeting 1.3252 0.05227 123 90 26 7
1012 So what's all this talk about "feeling micro-managed"? 1.3252 0.05476 123 92 22 9
1013 Mr. Gottfried is too cowardly to give you your pink slip, so he asked me to do it for him. 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1014 Says here only one of us can be dead wood. 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1015 Bill finally found a solution for his fear of confrontation. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1016 Well, this ain't Silicon Valley, so what kind of A.I. do you think you're going to get around here?? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1017 Yes, it is ironic that I, the firm's hatchetman, was once a log." 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1018 My emotional support dummy has found several glaring errors in your report. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1019 He’s too shy to say it... you’re fired. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1020 Can I please stay with you for a bit? Bob needs to use the rest room. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1021 Hey man, I'm just the messenger. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1022 This is a brief on behalf of Michael Cohen. 1.3250 0.05817 120 92 17 11
1023 My client will assert his 5th amendment right to remain silent. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1024 I'm being probed over this expense report. 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1025 Actually, he’s the micromanager. He hasn’t left my side since I started here. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1026 Don’t look so surprised! I told you both I was done playing the puppet around here. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1027 why can’t we file a joint return? 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1028 Here's another memo from the dummies that run this place. 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1029 The boss hates firing people, but I don't. 'You're fired!' 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1030 Hey, were you the dummy that put out this memo? 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1031 It should be obvious, I read the small print. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1032 I take offense to the joke about knowing when a lawyer is lying if his lips are moving. 1.3250 0.05696 120 91 19 10
1033 This is what we agreed on, so stop putting words in my mouth. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1034 Care to explain to my friend Bob here why you filed a complaint about a supposedly "passive aggressive" workplace? 1.3250 0.05817 120 92 17 11
1035 I'm the corporate attorney assigned to your confidential whistle blower consultation. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1036 ...and your lips better not move while you read it. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1037 Take it from me, study these downsizing options carefully. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1038 It says it right here: We all have to wear our jackets at work. That includes you, Simmons. 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1039 If my lips are moving you’re fired! 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1040 I hear that you have been known to kill the messenger. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1041 The big guy is really up my ass on this one 1.3250 0.05696 120 91 19 10
1042 Is this pink slip for me or the dummy? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1043 You never heard it from me. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1044 The perfect attorney. He will say anything I want him to say but I can deny everything he does. 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1045 Todd, this is important. Give it to little Todd as soon as he gets back. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1046 Frankly, I like you but Doug says you're fired. His words not mine. Don't kill the messenger. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1047 Look at this report and tell me who the real dummy is. 1.3250 0.04758 120 84 33 3
1048 Don't blame me, Greg, I'm just the messenger. 1.3248 0.05126 117 84 28 5
1049 There's too much of your voice in this memo. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1050 Carl here doesn't have the guts to say it but, you're fired. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1051 Desmond, this memo speaks for itself. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1052 No dummy would read this! 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1053 Your report shows I'm not the only dummy in the room. 1.3220 0.05882 118 91 16 11
1054 You'll be my new assistant, old Peterson here is too handsy. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1055 I can also hand this to you while drinking a glass of water. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1056 Here are my emotional support puppet papers. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1057 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. 1.3220 0.05882 118 91 16 11
1058 I’m sorry, it’s out of my hands. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1059 Yeah, I’m his little bitch. 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1060 This a court order to remove the termites from the mens’ room. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1061 Turns out you're redundant. Who's the dummy now? 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1062 It's the latest must-read. Sinclair says I have to do it because Epshteyn's too wooden. Wait, he's standing behind me, isn't he? 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1063 I'm not throwing him under the bus, but I did most of this work alone. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1064 Jones, here’s a memo. We’re trying to address all the ass-grabbing around here. 1.3220 0.05757 118 90 18 10
1065 This. By midnight, Jensen. Or you'll find out where he puts his hand. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1066 I’m not cutting your pension, Bob. He is. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1067 I think it’s worth repeating what Gary just said.... 1.3220 0.04945 118 84 30 4
1068 The boss is up my rear end about this one 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1069 Let me guess... we're downsizing again? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1070 You feel belittled and demeaned? How do you think I feel? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1071 I thought that this was more humane that firing you by tweet. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1072 I'm not taking "No" for an answer! We've been through this before. Two against one, you lose! 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1073 Read my lips.......not his!! 1.3190 0.05948 116 90 15 11
1074 I want to know who called me 'a little Hitler.' 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1075 You're fired, Jones! Your boss tried to save your job, but I wouldn't listen to him! So it's all my fault. Your boss is a nice guy. You should only blame me... 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1076 Plausible Deniability 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1077 Consider it an arm's length dismissal. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1078 According to the fine print of the original partnership, any disagreements are to be resolved by a third party hand-picked by Mr. Smith. 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1079 It's a little request. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1080 Need a re-write, Frank, you know I can't do B,F and M sounds yet 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1081 Det. Hopkins, couldn’t shake that feeling that his partner was manipulating the captain. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1082 Its the non-disclosure agreement for my client who prefers to remain anonymous. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1083 You wrote this article like it's meant for dummies 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1084 I'm here to deliver a memo from Inhuman Resources. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1085 And here's the lunch order for the Muppets' visit. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1086 I'll remind you of a little thing called "plausible deniability." 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1087 Explain that again Rudy 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1088 You wanted to know if dummies wrote these instructions and I'm here to confirm that. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1089 Hey Johnson, I got a raise; who's the dummy now? 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1090 Trust me, you don't want to deal with his right-hand man. 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1091 As per H.R.’s recommendation, here is a list of terms I prefer to ‘Dummy’. But how about we just try Dave…Todd’s friend Dave. 1.3190 0.04989 116 83 29 4
1092 A good boss sits around with his thumb up his ass; a great one delegates. 1.3190 0.05691 116 88 19 9
1093 Would a dummy have a three-year employment contract? 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1094 Don't deny it, Jenkins -- I have a witness this time. 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1095 Seriously, stop sending in cartoon captions to the New Yorker. They stink! And, yes, I know his lips are moving 1.3190 0.06073 116 91 13 12
1096 My boss has really been up my ass about this. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1097 I reviewed your expense account. Do you think I'm a dummy? 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1098 You don't know me, but these are all the reasons why I think the brilliant guy behind me deserves a raise. 1.3190 0.04515 116 80 35 1
1099 Can you help me out. I can't read his writing. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1100 Here's your pink slip Stuart. So who's the dummy now? 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1101 Don't listen to him. Here's your REAL performance review.... 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1102 I'm the management consultant. He's the messenger you're not supposed to blame. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1103 Did you have a hand in this? 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1104 Can I borrow your copy of Office For Dummies? 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1105 You never heard this leak from me! 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1106 it’s important that you both stay tight lipped about this. 1.3162 0.05100 117 85 27 5
1107 Just do what the big man says. 1.3162 0.05516 117 88 21 8
1108 Yes Henderson, we are downsizing, and guess what 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1109 I'm not firing you, Hugo is firing you. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1110 Just remember, we never had this conversation. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1111 Your email indicates our company health insurance plan will not cover my termite treatments. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1112 I'm covered under his plan 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1113 How about changing the title to Management for Dummies? 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1114 I’m sorry, but we’ve all been affected by the recent downsizing. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1115 Here's the caption contest winner, Frank. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1116 Instead of E-mail, we will now be using vantrilograms. 1.3158 0.05886 114 88 16 10
1117 Any response to these demands? Asking for a friend . . . 1.3158 0.04714 114 80 32 2
1118 I'd like to file a complaint: this guy is making a dummy out of me. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1119 It's an invitation to our wedding. 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
1120 Who you calling a dummy? I’m not the one being fired. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1121 By creating a puppet version of himself and calling it Larry, Steve had ingeniously doubled his salary. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1122 My boss has really been up my ass about this. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1123 'The boss says you're fired.' 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1124 Here's the new data for my online dummy corporation. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1125 Doctor said it's double Laryngitis. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1126 The writing felt a little wooden. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1127 We've formalized our micromanagement policy. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1128 I want equal pay for equal work, 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1129 Your peer group’s evaluation is finished. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1130 Jenksins, you should have come to me directly if you didn't like my conflict resolution style. Now I have the boss up my ass. 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
1131 It's mostly an effort to reduce managerial liabilty 1.3130 0.06097 115 91 12 12
1132 As Mr. Thompson’s sensitive, inner child, I am very offended by his performance review. 1.3130 0.04681 115 81 32 2
1133 It's your performance review. You need to learn to speak up for yourself. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1134 Here is a list of terms that I find offensive. You will see that “dummy” is #3 right behind “subordinate” and “right-hand man." 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1135 “Real cute memo Steve, but you misspelled ventriloquist”. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1136 You'll be pleased to hear that we collaborated on this report. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1137 Hey, don't shoot the messenger. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1138 He's been thinking we should let you go. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1139 I think the call was for you, but no matter how close I held the phone to my ear, I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1140 Little Louie here is my new right hand man. Remember, when you're talking to him you're talking to me. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1141 This is for you, but I’m not allowed to tell you where it came from. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1142 Human Resources says I can take him anywhere. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1143 The boss wants to know the reason for this contract with Michael Cohen. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1144 I hate to be the middle man here, Johnson 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1145 And stop looking at me like I’ve got two heads 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1146 I'm sorry Peterson, but it wasn't entirely my decision. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1147 Listen, Greg, there's going to be some downsizing... 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1148 You may well ask, 'who's the bigger dummy?' 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1149 Do you understand the irony of me finding your mistake? 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1150 We're downsizing, shrinking costs, and minimizing all positions. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1151 You didn't hear it from me but we've started downsizing. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1152 He'd like to claim me as his dependent. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1153 Au contraire. Hand lotion is a legitimate corporate expense. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1154 I'm sorry, but this was my decision and my decision alone. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1155 I’d like to file a restraining order. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1156 Just a note from one dummy to another. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1157 These figures speak for themselves. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1158 Do you think this is fun for me? 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1159 Stop putting words in my mouth. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1160 I was hired to read the fine print. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1161 You think it’s hard to talk like this - try writing cursive! 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1162 You're not supposed to kill the messenger but this is just insurance in case you wanted to. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1163 Read the fine print. We're downsizing. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1164 What's wrong with using Charlie McCarthy as a reference? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1165 If you ever get subpoenaed, just remember who gave you this memo. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1166 Mr. Schneider promised that HE wouldn't fire you. He never said that I, Mr. Twinkles, wouldn't fire you. You have five minutes to clear out. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1167 He doesn’t have the nerve to fire you but I do! 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1168 Found this in the break room: ’Refrigerator Etiquette for Dummies’. That supposed to be funny? 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1169 Please post this job. He's retiring but I can't afford to! 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1170 You're fired! Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1171 Mr. Schwartz, whom I am representing today, would like to apologize for what you perceived as creeepiness last week and to assure you that it will never happen again. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1172 He’d like to ask you for a raise. In exchange, he promises to work on his assertiveness. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1173 Would Bob be considered 'operations' on my expense report? 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1174 Here,I dummied this up for you. 1.3119 0.04824 109 77 30 2
1175 Your book on Creative Writing for Dummies was manipulative and wooden. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1176 I didn't think this i is what you ment by "downsizing". 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1177 You're fired.You may kill the messager. 1.3119 0.05785 109 83 18 8
1178 I wish I had better news for you in trying out my new act but, yeah, you're fired. 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1179 Say hello to my little friend! 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1180 Based on this report, I think we all know who the dummy is, Silverstein. 1.3119 0.05785 109 83 18 8
1181 The source is tight-lipped but I can vouch for his grip on the matter. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1182 I speak for the trees. 1.3119 0.05483 109 81 22 6
1183 I'm the dummy from human resources you were mocking online. Read my lips. You're fired 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1184 Of course you have my word on it. 1.3113 0.05586 106 79 21 6
1185 Looks like we've both been downsized! 1.3103 0.05254 116 86 24 6
1186 I never said Sean Hannity was my client. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1187 Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. 1.3097 0.06039 113 89 13 11
1188 They've been carrying me for years. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1189 I don’t think that’s what the McKinsey guys meant when they said we should downsize the secretarial staff. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1190 Have you heard? We're being downsized 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
1191 I should've asked more questions when he said I'd be working for his dummy corporation. 1.3091 0.05285 110 81 24 5
1192 He didn't know what he was doing. I was the dummy who overused the expense account. 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1193 There was no manipulation. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1194 We have received your complaint about management having a hand in HR matters and plan to look into it. 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1195 Frank, he couldn't bear to tell you this himself, but we're downsizing... 1.3091 0.05285 110 81 24 5
1196 Another stupid memo from the talking heads at corporate. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1197 Can you believe this?! Prohibiting ventriloquism in the office. We can't let this go without a fight. Right, Dave? 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1198 Meet Steve he's our new micromanager. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1199 Mini Me-Too complaint. 1.3091 0.05883 110 85 16 9
1200 This speech sucks! Change it to: No puppet, no puppet, you’re the puppet. 1.3091 0.05883 110 85 16 9
1201 My inner voice says, "You're Fired". 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1202 Read this,then let's compare notes on who's the real dummy 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1203 It should come as no surprise that I'll be representing myself in these proceedings. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1204 You're fired! Ha! Now who's the dummy? 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1205 I'm here to submit the minority report. 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1206 Read this on your next broadcast: 'The president is no dummy!' 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1207 From now on Bob here will carry me and you will do all of my social media. Be sure you make me sound tall. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1208 Why are you looking at him? I’m the one who said you’re fired. 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1209 Of course he's the one who is really firing you, you idiot! 1.3084 0.05698 107 81 19 7
1210 I hate to do this, Jim, but corporate is really up my ass. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1211 Are you going to sign up for the office talent show? 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1212 Yeah, I just landed the Synergen contract. Who's a dummy now, Ferrell? 1.3084 0.06145 107 84 13 10
1213 Another note from your secret admirer. You still haven't guessed who he is? 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1214 Circulating a joke calling me a "woodpecker" is not only vulgar, it's insulting to my entire family on a deeply personal level. 1.3084 0.06145 107 84 13 10
1215 And this is my letter of recommendation for his promotion. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1216 Pay no attention to the man with his hand up my pants. 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1217 If you had someone's hand up your @ss, you'd be cranky, too. Now, quit your whining and fix this memo! 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
1218 Can you understand this-dummy to dummy? 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1219 Bad news Larry, we're cutting the size of our workforce by seventy-five percent. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1220 Firing people is such a messy business. I'd rather not deal with it. So my subordinate, Mr. Puppet is giving you your pink slip. You can argue with him if you like. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1221 This isn't coming from me, but we need you here on Saturday. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1222 Even I didn't understand your report. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1223 This is your severence package from those puppets in HR. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1224 Sorry, Jim. I wish it were up to me, but this is being handed down from above. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1225 I'm doing the White House Correspondents' Dinner next year. I need good jokes, not this crap. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1226 I'd like to start a dummy corp. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1227 We need a version of this without all the Bs, Fs, and Ms. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1228 Go ahead, kill the messenger. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1229 Please revise this by 3pm, I have an appointment with my proctologist. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1230 Hi. I'm Bruce, I'm the new micro-manager. 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1231 See? A love letter from your wife. We're running away together. Now who's the dummy? 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1232 Come back to work Monday with your own dummy, so we can have a dialog. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1233 Just pretend we're talking until the boss leaves. 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1234 Candy gram for Mongo! Haha just kidding, you're fired. 1.3056 0.05950 108 84 15 9
1235 Bob, could you be a doll and review this week's ventriloquiz questions? 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1236 HR spinelessness reached a new low on Friday. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1237 Come on--don't give me the "I can't believe this!" look. Didn't HR tell you during the final interview that your boss was a dummy? 1.3056 0.05002 108 78 27 3
1238 This formal HR complaint outlines all the times my co-workers called me ‘dummy’. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1239 Your work sucks! And that's me talking, not the guy behind me moving his lips. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1240 Here, the note speaks for itself. 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1241 Equal Pay for Dummies! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1242 What do you mean "my prose is too wooden"? 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1243 I'm going to sue for sexual harassment if he doesn't get his hand off my butt ! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1244 Apparently, it seemed appropriate for me to deliver the orders to, “fire that dummy in accounting”! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1245 I had to pull some strings to get you this report, Travis. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1246 My monthly figures are fantastic - who’s the dummy NOW? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1247 I’m protesting this evaluation—I do NOT have Little Man’s Syndrome. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1248 Hey Gill, I found this pink slip with your name on it on the men’s room floor. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1249 Don’t look at me that way when I’m talking to you. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1250 Got the memo and wonder how you'd feel if I called you a "dummy?" 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1251 You're the next one to be downsized. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1252 This is a list of all of your work habits that annoy me. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1253 Sorry Larry, we’re downsizing. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1254 I'm sorry, but we're downsizing. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1255 They downsized me, can you believe it? 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1256 If this project is late, you can guess where his other arm will be going! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1257 HR’s idea. You wanna hear the bad news from me or the CEO? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1258 You're being a real pain in the ass Frank. 1.3048 0.06220 105 83 12 10
1259 We found your prose to be a bit wooden. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1260 We find that this is more secure than email 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1261 I'd like to submit a formal complaint for inappropriate touching. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1262 No, it's not me that's firing you, it's him. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1263 Read his lips, we're downsizing. 1.3048 0.05086 105 76 26 3
1264 Could you rewrite this in a different voice? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1265 Now my colleague here is going to drink a tall glass of water while I proceed to break all kinds of HR policies. 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1266 I'm President. Trump's new lawyer, here is the latest press release. 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1267 Asking for a friend. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1268 He doesn't like confrontation, so he asked me to tell you that you're fired. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1269 Rudy said to tell you this constitutes "plausible denial." 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1270 Be assured that I speak for both of us when I tell you that your "Gardening for Dummies" idea for a weekly column has been rejected. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1271 For the record, I didn't want to fire you - it was his idea. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1272 Here. Computer Tips from Dummies. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1273 Feel free to kill the messenger. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1274 What do you mean I'm just a puppet for the corporation? 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1275 Here's my official request for Roger to warm his hands up in the morning. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1276 Read this. I'm sick of this guy putting words in mouth. 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1277 Read my lips: this bill is outrageous. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1278 Hey, don't look at me I'm just the middle-man. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1279 We're in the Charley McCarthy era now. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1280 Sorry for the short notice, but your department is being downsized. I’m your replacement! 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1281 Could you check my resume? I am thinking of going out on my own. 1.3019 0.04865 106 76 28 2
1282 The decision to fire you was entirely mine and mine alone. 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1283 Can you tell me if this memo comes off as wooden? 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1284 Always read the small print. 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1285 I don’t think this is what the board meant when they said there would be downsizing 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1286 I told you it was a dummy corporation. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1287 I need this report done for the dummy upstairs 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1288 You're fired Mr. 'that thing really gives me the creeps and I hope we're not secretly being taped'. 1.3019 0.05869 106 82 16 8
1289 H.R. sent me to say, "Now who's the dummy?' 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1290 Maybe next time you'll think twice about calling your boss a dummy. 1.3019 0.05046 106 77 26 3
1291 Here's a short memo from the big guy. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1292 This company has no place for dummies like you, Johnson! 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1293 "I forgot how to talk directly to a person". 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1294 Read my lips, Henderson, no new faxes. 1.3010 0.06145 103 81 13 9
1295 Just sign it. You will only carry me on Tuesdays. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1296 Even a dummy could write a better page than this! 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1297 No. I don't think there's anything funny about layoffs, Jim... I just told you this wasn't my decision – it comes from higher up. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1298 I wanted to give this to you in person. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1299 The rumors were going around about downsizing, but you never think it will happen to you. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1300 I’ve got to hand it to you, this e-mail really took the words right out of my mouth. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1301 As discussed at the last department meeting, corporate now requires that reviews be delivered by a neutral third party. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1302 Just trust me--there's no one secretly pulling the strings here. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1303 This guy is making me say,"You're Fired". 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1304 I notice you have us sharing a hotel room on this conference itinerary. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1305 The boss has been getting more tight-fisted about expenses each quarter 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1306 According to this report, you’re the dummy, not me. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1307 “I’d like to report a case of identity theft”.... 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1308 You missed the Not From My Lips seminar. Fact Juggling tomorrow. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1309 I'm his alibi and here's my statement. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1310 Care to sign the big fellas' birthday card, Thompson? 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1311 If you send me one more note, I’m going to scream without moving my lips. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1312 He's touching me without my consent." 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1313 It takes one to know one. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1314 Let's go over this piece I copied from Management Skills For Dummies 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1315 I'm just the messenger, don't shoot me, 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1316 Can you get this done by noon? Asking for a friend. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1317 I'm applying for the woodworking job. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1318 Use of a third party can be an effective way of delivering bad news. 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1319 You're fine with me, but my buddy has some bad news. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1320 The job offer came down to you and him, we picked the dummy. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1321 I'm sorry, but we're downsizing. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1322 I’m sorry, but I’m not the one pulling the strings around here. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1323 This guy is harassing me. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1324 Jim, weeth hired a new sklokesklerson. Could you rewrite this skleech ooeethout using any th's, enn's, klee's, koo's, th's, or ooh's? 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1325 I realize this raise is slighylty less than you expexted, but I wanted to present it to you personally. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1326 They’re downsizing again. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1327 He says, "You're fired." 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1328 He thought you might take it better if you heard it from me. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1329 It’s the #MeToo thing. He’s got to have something else to do with his hands. 1.3010 0.06145 103 81 13 9
1330 We may have to pull a few strings this quarter. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1331 The trick is, you have to try to throw your invoice. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1332 A source very close to your boss says you're fired. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1333 His doctor says he lost his voice. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1334 He would've told you in person, but he hasn't been himself lately. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1335 If my lips are moving, I’m telling the truth. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1336 Frank wanted to keep you on, but I am concerned about your ability to think for yourself. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1337 I call him Mini Middle Management Me. 1.3000 0.04820 100 71 28 1
1338 My mouthpiece stands behind me on the issue. 1.3000 0.05254 110 82 23 5
1339 Jim, I don’t think this is what they meant when they said Dummy Corporation. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1340 I'm sick and tired of being the mouthpiece for this company. You treat me just like a dummy. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1341 It's a Mini-Memo. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1342 This really is my birth certificate. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1343 Like the memo says, we’re all being downsized. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1344 We have your contract. It requires you keep your mouth shut. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1345 No dummy, you're fired! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1346 I'm trying to read it but do you know where his thumb is! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1347 You've become redundant... 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1348 Don’t put words in my mouth! 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1349 This isn’t coming from me, but you need to re-do this. 1.2981 0.05091 104 76 25 3
1350 This is the weirdest result of “take your kids to work day” I’ve seen in the past couple of years 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1351 Hey Paul. Unfortunately, we're letting you go...I thought this bit would make it easier 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1352 I’m no Michelle Wolf but I’ll give it to you straight: You’re subpoenaed! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1353 You're fired! So who's the dummy now? 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1354 Welcome to the office. I am a Service Dummy for leaders with small hands. Sign this memo to adopt me now. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1355 I told you we're downsizing. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1356 Jokes? You call these jokes? We can’t go on stage with this garbage!! 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1357 Once you sign this contract, you'll be a puppet, too. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1358 Yeah...well this script stinks and you can't make him make me say these lines! 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1359 My colleague here thinks your report is a little wooden. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1360 We were told to be more creative in our delivery so, you have been served 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1361 Why can't you just talk to me about this? 1.2970 0.04781 101 72 28 1
1362 Do you expect me to read this? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1363 That's MISTER Strawboss to you. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1364 Just remember I’m not the one firing you. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1365 It's as if a dummy wrote this! 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1366 Some strings may need to be pulled. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1367 You don't work here anymore, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1368 I'm here to look into the dummy accounts. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1369 just take the paper, ignore the guy with his hand up my butt 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1370 We’re working on our delegating. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1371 Here's a list of my trigger words. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1372 Sorry Bob, my hands are tied 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1373 Read my lips, dummy! 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1374 No healthcare, no retirement, no paternal leave? You must think I’m a real dummy. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1375 Today, I’m gonna teach you how to be a corporate puppet. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1376 You left your resume on the copier. And they say I’m a dummy. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1377 This is funny. We don’t pay you for funny. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1378 Which one of us are you firing exactly? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1379 Sorry for the quick turnaround but the boss is really up my butt about it. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1380 Requisition for a urinal I can reach. Alone. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1381 And I need you to redo—hey, buddy, my eyes are down here. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1382 Sorry, you're being downsized .... 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1383 We're doing a collection for Paul's dummy down in Accounting. Dry rot. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1384 Sorry it has to be like this, but we feel Barbie can fill your position quite nicely... 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1385 It says, 'Help me, this maniac has his hand up my ass!' 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1386 You did not receive this from me. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1387 I'm only the messenger. He wrote it. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1388 You the HR Manager? OK, here's my complaint. This guy won't get his hand off my butt! 1.2970 0.06221 101 80 12 9
1389 Management's under a gag order, but I can tell you, "You're fired." 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1390 I speak for both of us when I say that your "Puppet States during World War II" article is offensively titled. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1391 Rewrite this speech without using the letters M, B, and P. 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1392 I'm proud to say I've got a hand in this project. 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1393 The board's new strategic plan is to downsize. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1394 Read my lips, this is the memo. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1395 Rudi, be polite to the nice man from the Special Counsel's office 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1396 Unfortunately we're downsizing. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1397 When I asked you to set up a dummy corporation this is NOT what I meant. 1.2970 0.06221 101 80 12 9
1398 Just saying 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1399 There was no easier way to say this. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1400 Believe me, I’m just the messenger. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1401 Would you consider supporting us in the #metwo movement? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1402 I'm here for the interview. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1403 These are the invoices for the dummy corporation. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1404 The dummy wants this done yesterday, 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1405 Sorry, but management is up my ass. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1406 Rogers, what's this jab about clearing out the dead wood around here? 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1407 No, you're redundant! 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1408 Sorry, we’re downsizing. 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1409 I'm forming a "Me Too Movement" for dummies. This guy won't keep his hands off me. 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1410 As it turns out,I’m not the only dummy in the room. 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1411 Due to downsizing, we're going to have to let you go. 1.2952 0.05730 105 81 17 7
1412 You'll see it clearly stated our "Bring Your Child To Work Day" is a very liberal policy. 1.2952 0.05730 105 81 17 7
1413 You're not the first man who expects a hand up to get ahead. 1.2941 0.06167 102 81 12 9
1414 They always leave the dirty work to the little man. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1415 Here's the long and the short of it. 1.2941 0.06474 102 83 8 11
1416 What happens to me if he signs this separation gag order. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1417 Don’t listen to him, read my lips. 1.2941 0.05136 102 75 24 3
1418 I decided to be humane and not fire you by Twitter. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
1419 It's called 'Management for Dummies'. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
1420 For your information, I'm not talking out of my ass. 1.2941 0.06167 102 81 12 9
1421 This new HR sensitivity initiative aims to educate people on why "ventriloquial figure" should be used in lieu of "dummy" 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1422 No, you're the puppet. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1423 With Johnson away on vacation next week, I'm going to need you to lend a hand in the communications department... 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1424 Excellent memo Bob. Some day you may work your hand up my ass. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
1425 The other dummy in the big office wants you to do this. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1426 My job, unlike yours, has no strings attached 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1427 It’s a White House leak. If you take it from the dummy it won’t connect to me 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1428 Ralph has decided to give you this letter of termination 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1429 Corporate really forced my hand! 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1430 Here's the latest....hey, I never noticed how small your hands are, Johnson! Are you some kind of freak? 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1431 Look, I've written you up for calling your boss 'a dummy.' 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1432 Here’s some fake news that’s straight from a dumbie. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1433 Sorry ... if we had a Dummy Resources Department, I wouldn't have to bother you with this. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1434 We prefer the word "downsizing." 1.2929 0.05026 99 72 25 2
1435 Award? It's a pink slip, you dummy! 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1436 HR recommends all employee/management interactions go through a middle man to reduce liability. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1437 Try doing my job with an arm up your ass. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1438 Request for raise denied! And don’t ever go behind my back again! 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1439 Here's the approval for your vacation time. You can't imagine the strings I had to pull. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1440 Donald has hired me to replace John Kelly. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1441 You're the one with pupils, read this. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1442 I was worried when the rumors of downsizing started to spread, but this isn’t so bad 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1443 This isn't what I asked for. Do I look like a dummy? 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1444 Boss won't get off your back, either, huh? 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1445 Sorry, Simmons, this office isn't big enough for two dummies. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1446 Just look at this! What kind of dummy do you take me for? 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1447 From one dummy to another - you're fired! 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1448 My notification of inappropriate touching. 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
1449 He's pleading the fifth. I'm not. Here's my plea deal. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1450 H.R. said I should try to connect to my staff through humor, so Lil Bossy will be giving you your pink slip instead. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1451 Do it yourself, Johnson, I'm not your puppet. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1452 From one dummy to another - you're fired! 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
1453 I'm replacing you! 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1454 You have the right to remain silent. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1455 yes it's in shorthand...so what? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1456 Don't hit me, I'm just the messenger! 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1457 You're fired effective immediately. The big guy's got my back on this one. 1.2929 0.06134 99 78 13 8
1458 Don does not accept this negative people skills evaluation. Good day. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1459 Don’t be mad at me, this came straight from the big man. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1460 You're fired! So who's the dummy now? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1461 It's not really a pink slip and I'm not really a person, but you're fired anyway. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1462 It's from a place called Essential Consultants. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1463 Here is our resume, he doesn't talk much, but he's affable. I'm the genius with the ideas. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1464 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. I think the reasons are obvious, but I completed the paperwork anyway. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1465 This guy behind me doesn't have the balls to give you this. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1466 It's a new strategic initiative. Everyone must downsize. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1467 As a part of 'Me Too' I want to report my co-worker who refuses to stop sticking his hand up my butt! 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1468 Bend over, you’re next. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1469 Larry often fell into bad habits when forced to deliver bad news. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1470 I feel like you're putting words in my mouth. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1471 You guessed it: you've been downsized. 1.2917 0.05524 96 72 20 4
1472 We think this is a dumb idea! 1.2913 0.04904 103 75 26 2
1473 The boss's list of rules here says you shouldn't speak until spoken through. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
1474 Memo is not finished because I have something up my butt. 1.2913 0.06113 103 82 12 9
1475 He's been carrying me for years. 1.2913 0.05094 103 76 24 3
1476 Well, I told corporate we could use a hand. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
1477 Stop channeling others! Find your own voice! 1.2900 0.04984 100 73 25 2
1478 Honestly Bob if you’re late with these charts one more time he’s going to have his hand up yours. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1479 Do you take me for a dummy? 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
1480 It says that, in order to get the payments, you need to set up a dummy corporation. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1481 Looks like you're on the downsizing list too. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1482 Don't ezen try to read za snall trint. 1.2900 0.06403 100 81 9 10
1483 Bad news, Johnson -- you're fired. HR thought it would be better if you heard it from me. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
1484 We’re all puppets here Johnson, Don’t blame us for this decision.... 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
1485 Read my lips, no more faxes. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1486 Pay no attention to the guy with his hand up my butt. Per this directive from HR, you are to henceforth refer to me as "Ventriloquist Assistant," as "dummy" has been deemed"demeaning" and "insensitive." 1.2887 0.06211 97 77 12 8
1487 Don't worry, whatever I told you to do is protected by attorney-client privilege. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1488 You gotta problem with the short list ??? 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1489 Management For Dummies says you get a pay cut. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1490 This next round of downsizing is going to happen a little differently. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1491 Don't mind him! He's only the Voice-President. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1492 I need you to approve this expense report for a mini suit and wood polish. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1493 Heath Services Memo: Time for your colonoscopy. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1494 Sorry, Anders. We're downsizing. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1495 I highly recommend "Accounting for Dummies." 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1496 E need your redort in tull dy da end of da day. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1497 This is everything you need, but you didn't hear it from me. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1498 Here is your copy of management’s new policy on passive aggressive workplace behavior. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1499 The boss hates confrontations. You're fired. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1500 When I say I want ads that even a dummy can understand that is EXACTLY what I mean! 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1501 Another corporate mandate we must pay lip service to. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1502 I do performance reviews like this so you don't feel like the only dummy at the office 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1503 I’m not trying to micromanage you but... 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1504 I'm his middle manager. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1505 Corporate’s metaphors are getting pretty honest. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1506 Trust me, you don’t want him up your ass about this. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1507 Here, my concerns about downsizing! 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1508 Write me some better jokes. This sucks. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1509 Which one of us do you hope the resignation letter is from? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1510 Oh, and the board would like to see all of this done while you’re drinking a glass of water. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1511 He's got laryngitis. It's all in the note. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1512 ..."you still owe us for the thin mints..." 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1513 Hand me that water and I'll read this pink slip in a funny voice. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1514 You must think I’m a real dummy to not know this is the same memo you wrote last week. 1.2887 0.06211 97 77 12 8
1515 Do this over and take out the part where I drink the glass of water. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1516 Here's a pink slip for you. I had nothing to do with it. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1517 Looks like the two of us will be working together this weekend. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1518 Hello. Please get this guys hand out of my ass. Thank you. 1.2887 0.06211 97 77 12 8
1519 You're fired! And no he's not putting words into my mouth. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1520 Distribute this. It’s a reminder about who really pulls the strings around here. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1521 You wrote this and you’re calling me a dummy?! 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1522 The boss wants you to have the weekend off, but I say you have to work. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1523 Edwards! Type this while he finishes my proctology exam! 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1524 You're sharp, Smedley. How would you like to have your hand up my tuckus one day? 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1525 The man with his hand up my back bears absolutely no responsibility for this bad news. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1526 This isn’t easy for me either. Jones has his hand up my rear. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1527 No, I just look like him, you idiot! 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1528 Yeah, the difference is you have your hand on a mouse. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1529 As you see, Mr. Carsen is not handing this letter to you, I am. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1530 He signs all my tax returns and I get to deduct him. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1531 Here are the results of your psych exam 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1532 Here's proof there was collusion in the election and you don't need a dummy to explain it to you. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1533 No, you're the puppet. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1534 I promise – go ahead, sign this – no strings attached. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1535 Take it from one puppet to another...this is serious. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1536 Can I ask you a weird question? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1537 It's a new form of micromanagement 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1538 Here you go big guy. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1539 It's a subpoena. Unlike him, you have the right to remain silent. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1540 Ventriloquism is just one of the many hobbies you’ll have time for now. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1541 Don’t take me for a dummy, Carlton. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1542 "I've just been diagnosed with laryngitis. Here's my Dr's note". 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1543 Speaking for myself, your memos could be shorter. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1544 I need a hand. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1545 "Ventriloquism for Dummies"? It'll never sell. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1546 You did say loose lips sink ships 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1547 We all know who the real puppet is around here, Gary. 1.2871 0.05859 101 79 15 7
1548 Is this the proper form for a Dummy Corporation? 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
1549 Hawkins! Process this requisition for a new ventriloquist. This one's a real dummy. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1550 You're officially on short notice. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1551 You might be pleasantly surprised by what our new behavioral health plan covers. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1552 I was told the tax break applied to small business men as well. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
1553 This speaks for itself. 1.2857 0.06154 98 78 12 8
1554 Did you get the memo that we've been downsized? 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1555 Johnson, did you write this email making fun of little people? 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
1556 Read my lips: no more going behind my back! 1.2857 0.06154 98 78 12 8
1557 I'd like to file sexual assault charges on this man. 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
1558 I don't want that idiot Jenkins handling this. Or me. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1559 Who's my source? I'll never tell. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1560 This wuss behind me is too shy to fire you, but I'm not. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1561 Can you look over this spreadsheet for me? I can't trust those dummies in accounting. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1562 My supervisor is telling me to tell you that this memo tells you to be more direct with your employees. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1563 I'm the one soley responsible for letting you go, however, Mr Snipes accompanied me to wish you well 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1564 Your boss wanted me to tell you that you're fired. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1565 There. I paid all $130,000 myself! 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1566 In simple Latin, I'm a homunculus and this is a subpoena! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1567 No, Chris, using your ventriloquist dummy to tell me my mother has passed did not make it "way funnier"... 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1568 The man behind me is just carrying me -- I am the one pulling the strings. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1569 Speaking for myself, I think Putin's lips move every time Trump say something. 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
1570 It's official, the downsizing has begun. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1571 This shows I consent to what would otherwise be highly inappropriate personal contact in the workplace. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1572 I'm sorry, but you just don't fit in here. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1573 I would like to file an HR complaint. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1574 You can call it double time if you want, but the contract clearly states that you pay me AND my handler. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1575 Here's a list of his non-negotiable demands. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1576 Yes he did it and it's not illegal. Believe you me, I'm his attorney and I'm no dummy." 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1577 I'd like to file a sexual assault complaint. 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
1578 I need you to reverse a bunch of duplicate charges 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1579 These are my demands for a raise, he's got a sore throat. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1580 I think I speak for both of us when I say your performance is lacking. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1581 Hey, eyes up here buddy. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1582 It's a combination of downsizing and outsourcing. We're calling it down-sourcing. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1583 Excuse me, but I'm not a dummy. I'm a talking head. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1584 Sorry, but I'm just the messenger. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1585 Somebody pulled some strings to get you this report. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1586 You're fired! And I take full responsibility! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1587 You didn't hear this from me, but Big Frank thinks the tone in the latest draft of your memo is a little passive aggressive. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1588 Since I signed a nondisclosure agreement he gets away with it. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1589 Do what he says or he'll get into your butt too. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1590 These leads were hard to come by. If you don’t use them wisely it’ll be my hand up your ass. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1591 The evolution of the micromanager. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1592 Hey. It's all here in the memo, dummy. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1593 For your information, Accounting thought Micromanager was a hit. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1594 There's just no room in this company for two dummies, Braunstein. You're fired! 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1595 So, which dummy should I answer to? 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1596 Bill, could you file this dummy invoice for me? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1597 Show us on the doll where you signed the non-disclosure agreement. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1598 Here's my brochure. I hope I can count on your vote in November. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1599 Big changes are coming -- but you didn't hear it from me. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1600 Talk to the hand because your boss's face isn't listening. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1601 Bill is too nice to tell you, but you should be ashamed to have written this. 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
1602 Read my lips: You're fired. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1603 So what if I did read Management for Dummies? 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1604 I’m going to need you to shorten this. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1605 Be a doll and put up this week's roster. No strings attached. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1606 You can't advance further without improving your direct communication skills. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1607 It's an outline for my new book "Insults and Bullying For Dummies" 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1608 This job is a handful. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1609 This memo explains the new downsizing policies. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1610 Speak for yourself. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1611 And now Mr. Handsworth has some bad news to share from management. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1612 Here is a list of my sexual harassment charges against this man ...his hand placement says it all 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1613 You're being downsized. Clean out your cubicle, leave the phone books. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1614 It's not from me, it's from the big dummy! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1615 You said I was a micro-manager? I'll show you a micro-manager. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1616 If you keep doing work like this, you might be the one pulling the strings around here. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1617 Here's the proof you've been seeking however I am not at liberty to divulge my source. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1618 He wanted to tell you himself, but he's having trouble enunciating words like 'transformative.' 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1619 Pack up! You're out and I'm in as Puppet Relations Director. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1620 I don’t care if his hand is up my ass. I’m still your boss! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1621 Say hello to my little friend who fires people. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1622 I am not keen on the term "downsizing" - so, you're fired. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1623 I get time and a half 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
1624 I keep filing complaints, but HR won’t do anything about this guy with his hand up my butt. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1625 It's about your hands, Ted. They're too small. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1626 This should silence my critics! I've listed ten reasons why I can NOT be manipulated! 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1627 I see youve been playing with the copy machine again Jerry 1.2842 0.04887 95 69 25 1
1628 Here's my list of complaints. The first: I want his hands off my butt! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1629 His therapist says he's conflict-averse. Anyway, you're fired. 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1630 I know it’s a redundancy where you come from, but here we call it a downsizing. 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1631 I'm Senator Charlie McCarthy. You're on my list of Communist sympathizers! 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1632 Wilson, don't you realize that "Ventriloquist Dummy" is an offensive slur? 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1633 I see you're looking for a couple of handy men. 1.2812 0.06231 96 77 11 8
1634 I was told that I could pick up my back order of 'Ventriloquism For Dummies' here 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1635 My complaints go without saying. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1636 Who’s the puppet now, huh? 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1637 In your editorial, you have called the President "a DUMMY??!" You do realize you have put me in a rather awkward position?? 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1638 Smithers, one more email complaining of having a dummy for a boss and I’ll be forced to have Jenkins here drink a glass of water while I reprimand you. 1.2812 0.06052 96 76 13 7
1639 I’m sorry, you’ll have to talk to the big guy about this 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1640 Big picture, downsizing the office will be a good thing for everybody. 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1641 Stevens here wants you to take this to the big man upstairs. 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1642 This is the last time I'm putting words in your mouth. Next time, write your own stuff, dummy! 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1643 He's part of our new downsizing program. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1644 Your performance, like his hand, have been a real pain in my ass! 1.2796 0.06371 93 75 10 8
1645 We're from HR. Is this your comment that management doesn't deal directly with their employees? 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1646 That's not what I meant by downsizing 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1647 Does the new health plan cover Multiple Personality Disorder? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
1648 Howdy Doody, Mr. Bill. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1649 Can you make a copy for him? 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1650 People kept saying I'm lying when my lips are moving, so... 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1651 Here’s a little reminder not to refer to your supervisor as a “micro-manager.” 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1652 Today's fake news, sir 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1653 He wants me to tell you you're fired. 1.2796 0.04922 93 68 24 1
1654 Here's more fake news you never got from Bob. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1655 Cmon, Jim. Even dummies get it. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
1656 I’m going to need that report by Wednesday Kevin, corporate is really up my ass on this one. 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
1657 I will give you this deed to my house if you get this guy's hand out of my ass! 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
1658 Write this as if you're talking to dummies. 1.2766 0.06126 94 75 12 7
1659 Go ahead, shoot the messenger. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
1660 Short on staff again? 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1661 Sorry, never heard of Pinocchio. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1662 Admit this is your memo to corporate calling me a dummy . 1.2747 0.06264 91 73 11 7
1663 He says you're a real jerk. Hey, don't shoot the messenger! 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1664 I just received this order for a new book titled "Ventriloquism For Dummies" 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1665 Have you signed my -- Eric's birthday card yet 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1666 From now on your puppet reports to me. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1667 This is a list of questions I am willing to answer at tonight's Town Hall meeting. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1668 Who’s the dummy now Jared? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1669 Welcome to the new downsizing program. Please sign here. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1670 Are you the dummy that put this on my desk? 1.2747 0.06264 91 73 11 7
1671 Under 'occupation' I put down "Dummy". Is that OK with you, knucklehead? 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1672 Your recent comment about "dummies" was not well received -- clean out your desk. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1673 You must think I'm a dummy. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1674 Now we give you a choice on how to be down-sized. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1675 I'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1676 Unlike your boss, I don't have conflict avoidance issues, so he told me to give you this pink slip and tell you your fired! 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1677 For 5 bucks you too can have a hand up my ass! 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1678 The last person Dave expected to see that morning was "Mr Downsize" the HR dummy. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1679 I'm eminently qualified and I'll bring my talented assistant at no extra cost. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1680 Please sign my petition to get this guy's hand out of my butt. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1681 Read my lips--you're pink-slipped! 1.2747 0.06456 91 74 9 8
1682 HR sent us. Me and the big guy are interested in the 'job sharing' option. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1683 Sorry Dave, but the dummy behind me wanted me to give you this pink slip. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1684 That's right, Farnsworth, from now on, you report directly to me! 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1685 You can just call me Sinclair. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1686 Polish this memo up. It reads like it was written by a dummy. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1687 It's my emotional-support me. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1688 This is my service dummy registration 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1689 We'd like to disclose an office romance. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1690 Are you the dummy who denied my time-off request? 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1691 There was this tree in Brooklyn. It is from its trunk, that I am born. This sheet of paper, from the leaves. I am your replacement. Call it the cycle of life. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1692 I'm no dummy; I know you wrote this note. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1693 ... but the HR department still won't take my complaint about inappropriate touching seriously. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1694 Asking for a friend. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1695 You don't have to be a dummy to understand this report. 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1696 This isn't what I meant when I told you we had to downsize.. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1697 Right here in 'Computers for Dummies,' first page, stupid! 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1698 I created that dummy invoice you asked for 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1699 He told me to tell you you're fired. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1700 Yes, I’m filing a harassment claim. This man won’t take his hands off me! 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1701 Thank you for meeting me. It's always been a dream of mine to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1702 Who are you calling a stiff? 1.2747 0.05198 91 68 21 2
1703 You should have seen this coming, Ricky, after missing half of Nick's puppet shows. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1704 Looks like me -talks like me-must be me --here's the affidavit 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
1705 Don’t think of them as demands, more like suggestions. Like #1 here - “Hand should be placed elsewhere.” 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
1706 You're being terminated, and he's not comfortable telling you himself. 1.2737 0.06068 95 76 12 7
1707 If you think this is impressive, you should see me fire people while he drinks water! 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1708 Please display this memo on new office policy adding the prohibition of discrimination against employees based on their aboreal origination. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1709 This is a cease and desist letter demanding that you stop infringing my copyright in "Computers for Dummies." 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1710 Don't blame me, I'm just the little dummy delivering the message. 1.2717 0.04913 92 68 23 1
1711 I don't have a hand up my ass, you do! 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1712 Look who's talking, tiny hands. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1713 The company's non-discrimination policy clearly states that you can not discriminate based on the color of my wood stain. 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1714 He deserves a promotion! Here are the reasons why listed by me. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1715 You say you're his mouthpiece? 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1716 Where's your self-esteem, following orders from a dummy like me. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1717 It's a request for hand warmers. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1718 I understand you need at least two requests to post a notice. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1719 This is what I wrote. Don't try to put words in my mouth. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1720 I've forgotten more about dummy corporations in my wooden noggin than you'll ever know, tough guy. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1721 Management is requesting a more hands-in approach to communications. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1722 Eugene, I need you to send this memo about our break room fridge policy to.....damn it, Doug, you really have cold hands. Just put me down. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1723 Hey! I'm no dummy...I brought my lawyer with me to make the necessary changes to our NDA. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1724 Who’s the dummy now? 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1725 Paul we are letting you go, we are downsizing 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1726 Here’s your pink slip. Who’s the dummy now? 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1727 The big dummy behind me says to process this mutha****r! 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1728 Again, since you obviously didn't get the memo, we're DOWNSIZING. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1729 Corporate wants you to try your hand. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1730 Talk to the hand 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1731 Here are all the places he touched me without asking. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1732 Mike, we need to talk about your performance. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1733 He can sleep at night because I'm handing out the pink slips. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1734 I wish there was another to tell you this. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
1735 So nice to see the bank supporting small business owners 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
1736 Your eye is jutting out. 1.2697 0.06543 89 73 8 8
1737 Nope, not now nor have I ever been. Also, I think you mean CHARLIE McCarthy. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1738 Nepotism. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1739 I can make you my new assistant manager by tomorrow, no strings attached. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1740 It says it's time to stop letting the little head think for the big head. 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1741 I'm getting very tired of always having to micromanage you. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1742 When are you going to learn to speak for yourself? 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1743 This is a copy of my formal complaint to Human Resources. Ask me again if I enjoy where his hand goes. I dare you. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1744 Yes, it’s me. We’re down-sizing. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1745 It says thank you for your service....he's sorry for being a coward.....and you are fired! 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1746 Memo reminding everyone: don't let someone else speak for you. 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
1747 Office work for dummies. 1.2697 0.06543 89 73 8 8
1748 Thompson ... does this dummy make me look smarter? 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1749 We're downsizing, but still firing you in a personal way. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1750 No offense taken, but you probably shouldn’t use the D-word if you're not Puppet-American. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1751 Sure, it’s well written, but could you write it while drinking water? 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1752 You think I'm a dummy? Wait'll you get my bill. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1753 I wanted to talk to you about my latest performance review... 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1754 Don't give me credit, he did all the work. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1755 Sorry Jenkins, but the firm is downsizing. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1756 ...of course it's about downsizing dummy! 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1757 I wanted you to meet my "yes" man. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1758 Our investors insist we scale down. You’re next. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1759 Your proposal to use a dummy corporation to hide our profits has been approved. 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1760 Urgent memo about transparency in the workplace. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1761 I know you typed this with your tiny little hands. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1762 Try it...I'm calling it 'Networking For Dummies'. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1763 This note is insulting. It makes me look like real dummy! 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1764 I could have pulled a better report out of my ass! To prove it, I have Johnson here fishing for one right now. 1.2697 0.06735 89 74 6 9
1765 You must have had your hand up your ass when you wrote this memo. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1766 Here's last night's program, and we killed, so who's the dummy now Ralph! 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1767 Plausible Deniability 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1768 Look this over and you'll see that I'm no dummy. 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
1769 This memo states that “Dummy” is no longer an acceptable term in our company’s lexicon. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1770 Pay no attention to the man holding me. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1771 You're fired; but don't blame me, I'm just the messenger. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1772 I want to file a sexual harassment complaint. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1773 Perhaps my partner can point out where our contract forbids me to work solo. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1774 I would like to file a sexual harassment complaint, please. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1775 How Westworld began. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1776 As your independent arbitrator, please both note that this decision is binding. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1777 Mr. Giuliani has authorized me to read the following clarification of his remarks. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1778 This is a sexual harassment claim, based on routine, inappropriate touching. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1779 The boss wanted me to hand-deliver this memo about not making fun of other people's hobbies. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1780 You know what you can do with this memo about cutting the dead wood around here? 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1781 Read my lips: no new faxes. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1782 Shut up and sign, dummy! 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1783 There's no room for error— I've got the big boss looking over my shoulder on this one. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1784 'On the other hand ...." 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1785 Sorry. But they’re downsizing everyone. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1786 I have a memo from Human Resources. You have to stop throwing your voice at me. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1787 We need to talk about your passive voice. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1788 It's from my book "Getting Fired For Dummies. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1789 Fake ventriloquism! 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1790 Frank hated nothing worse than taking direction from the dummies in middle management. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1791 Your pink slip. And don’t blame me. I’m just the messenger. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1792 Sorry, I'm not the one pulling the strings around here 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1793 You call these talking points? How am I supposed to say this to the White House press corps? 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1794 He's no longer tweeting. We're firing people this way now. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1795 In case of legal liability just remember who made this request. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1796 Congratulations, here's your mini-raise. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1797 I mean, I could have easily pretended not to notice your disproportionately tiny hand, and yet here we are. 1.2697 0.06345 89 72 10 7
1798 You are hereby enjoined from any further reportage claiming the president is subject to manipulation or control by a foreign government. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1799 Charley McCarthy just bought the company. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1800 'What makes you think this isn't my very own original piece of work?" 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1801 Could you read this for me, Bob? I left my glasses on my other dummy. 1.2688 0.06142 93 75 11 7
1802 I'm sorry to have to let you go, but our vendors all report that they can see your lips moving. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1803 You're fired, but don't blame Jeff, who still wants to grab dinner with you later. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
1804 My bill for rebuilding my jaw. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1805 I, the Human Resources Puppet, definitely not your best friend Jerry, am telling you that you’re fired! 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
1806 He can't read without moving his lips. 1.2667 0.04947 90 67 22 1
1807 Could you enlarge this? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1808 How about we discuss the “real dummy “ who signed this contract! 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1809 Actually, we're here to discuss YOUR embarrassing performance. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1810 If his mouth doesn't move, you can't prove anything. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1811 As you can see, our staff is shrinking. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1812 Doctor's note. From the proctologist. Obviously. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1813 Turns out the book was actually called Dummies for Business. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1814 He expects payment in small bills. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1815 Don’t you always feel like there’s someone up your butt in this place? 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1816 He thinks delivering a pink slip this way will add humor to your job loss. Have a nice day. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1817 So 'moral' is down? I suppose you meant morale, with an 'e'? What a dummy. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1818 A new Policy of PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY ! 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1819 At first we didn't think we'd able to get it done, but Johnny over here pulled some strings. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1820 Who signed off on this? That's not my signature! 1.2644 0.05029 87 65 21 1
1821 Jim, can you read this and tell me if it sounds dumb? 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1822 Here's our company's new micro-aggression policy. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1823 You need to liven this up a little, lamb chop. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1824 Can you dummy this down? 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1825 Great news, you've been promoted to a more hands on project! 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1826 He kinda does his own thing. 1.2644 0.04755 87 64 23 0
1827 Here are the operating instructions for dummies for dummies. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1828 I am big. It's the raises that got small. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1829 You're fired. This wimp is too timid to do it himself. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1830 You said no dogs in-office, he's my Service Puppet. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1831 You left this on the copier. Not cool, my man. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1832 OK. Here's the restraining order! Now get this guy off my back!!! 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1833 Please tell me you're not the dummy who wrote this memo! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1834 There's an "H" in Munchkin.... 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1835 I'm told my whimsical presentation style softens the blow of being fired... 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1836 Here's the new company policy on micro- agression. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1837 Don't call me a puppet. I'm the one who pulls the strings. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1838 I’m submitting my official statement to HR. It’s about time the manager gets off my ass. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1839 I don't care if you think it is McCarthyism! I need to know who wrote this memo calling me a dummy! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1840 You must think I'm some kind of dummy to accept this ridiculous report! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1841 When I say there's a dummy talking, I mean there is a dummy talking. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1842 He was a good boss, but he liked to micromanage. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1843 Talk to the hand 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1844 Taxes, schmaxes you can’t keep us from filing a joint return. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1845 You may think I'm a dummy, but I'm not signing this contract. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1846 Even a dummy could see that he'd plugged his mouse into the keyboard. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1847 He just couldn't bring himself to say he's resigning. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1848 Hey, funny boy, congratulations on winning the firm's talent contest. You're fired. 1.2644 0.06428 87 71 9 7
1849 Do you accept Medicare? I seem to have a man stuck to my ass. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1850 Looks like you didn’t get the Memo. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1851 I’ve been told this pink slip is for you. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1852 I'm no dummy Henderson, your travel voucher has several questionable charges on it. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1853 I'm taking this to HR! It's 2018, Jenkins. 'Dummy' is a slur against the entire ventriloquist puppet community. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1854 For the last time, I'm the Assistant TO the Assistant Vice President. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1855 You're fired, Peterson. Who's the dummy now? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1856 What do you think I am? A dummy? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1857 You just got a pink slip from a dummy, dummy! 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1858 Now whose the dummy?!? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1859 Charlie McCarthy says to do it over. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1860 His therapist suggested that I help hand out the pink slips this quarter... 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
1861 It's the state of the art in attorney/client privilege. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1862 No, this is what I meant by micromanaging. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1863 Sadly, this call is out of my hands 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1864 The guy behind me is my comfort animal. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1865 Hi Jim--could you please be a doll and proof this? 1.2619 0.06364 84 68 10 6
1866 Talk to the hand ‘cause the face ain’t listening 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1867 Here's the new procedure, I've dummied it down for you. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1868 Richard didn't have the heart to tell you, but I have no heart 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1869 He'll respond once he feels you've been sufficiently belittled. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1870 I need you to rewrite my speech on relocating the puppetry assembly division to Mexico--but this time try not use the letters B, F, M, P, and V. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1871 Going forward, ccing me is fine. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1872 How’s my day going? This man has his hand up my butt, he keeps whispering in my ear and on top of all that he’s given me his grocery list. That girl with lips like sandpaper looks good about now. So don’t ask me again about how my day is going. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1873 “You’re FIRED!”, said the dummy with the small hands.... 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1874 You're right, it's not actually pink. And I'm not actually your boss. But you're still fired. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1875 The puppet wants me to tell you that you're fired, and to please not get mad at me, because I'm just holding the puppet. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1876 Don’t talk to the hand, talk to the data. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1877 Would it be more convincing if the big guy drank a glass of water while I read from this piece of paper?” 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1878 #TreeToo. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1879 We're a little short staffed this week. 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
1880 Also, Ted regrets that he couldn't be here to deliver your pink slip in person. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1881 Unfortunately for you, we're downsizing. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1882 We quit! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1883 Welcome to Sinclair Broadcasting. Here are today's facts. 1.2619 0.06364 84 68 10 6
1884 Help, I'm being held against his will! 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1885 My client's first demand is no more dummy jokes. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1886 Try again. This doesn't sound like you. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1887 Just trying some new things out for our dummy corporation. Don't be alarmed. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1888 Don't shoot the messenger, but you're fired. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1889 Oy vey! Again with the short notice. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1890 Here’s my resume for the dummy editor position you posted. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1891 Here's my Birth Certificate. Now, put me on the company's health insurance and vision policy. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1892 Who's the dummy now, smart guy? Third phone order this week. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
1893 To ease confrontation we call it a “you’re fired dummy.” 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1894 Are you the dummy that wrote the wooden language in this report? 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1895 I replaced the guy behind me. Wait until you see what replaces you. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1896 It takes one to know one. 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1897 I'm sorry, but we have to start downsizing at all levels. 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1898 It lacks a human element. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
1899 We’ve got a small problem. 1.2614 0.04980 88 66 21 1
1900 Read my lips. We are not a dummy corporation. 1.2614 0.04980 88 66 21 1
1901 The boss is really up my butt about finishing this. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1902 Which one of you is claiming a dependent? 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1903 For a change...we both agree! 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1904 I'd like to discuss this complaint about micromanaging. 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1905 It's just me resigning. You're stuck with the dummy. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1906 Another tip from “unnamed sources” 1.2614 0.06362 88 72 9 7
1907 No puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
1908 Down- sized workers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your strings! 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1909 I found someone to cover for me while I'm on vacation. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1910 I'd like to file an HR complain. This man has his hand in my ass. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1911 We're playing Good Boss / Bad Dummy. You're fired. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1912 Upper management is asking us to downsize. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1913 You're invited to his 50th, but don't say anything, it's a surprise. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1914 I thought you said there was no strings attached in this contract. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1915 You'll need to sign this...it's just the usual non-disclosure agreement for a 'dummy corporation'. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1916 Put this up on the board or the dummy gets it. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1917 Cubicle life is not for me. Showbiz, here I come!! 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1918 Don't call the police; just follow this list of demands by my proctologist. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1919 This memo is clear, so please don't put words in my mouth. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1920 They are downsizing the employees. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1921 You're fired, Steve. The company's downsizing 1.2588 0.06515 85 70 8 7
1922 To save you time, Mr. Trump strongly suggests you sign this one, Dr. Bornstein. 1.2588 0.06515 85 70 8 7
1923 He distracts clients from the fine print. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1924 Don't need your resume-we have enough dummies here! 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1925 You'll be sorry you ever called me a dummy! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1926 Dr. Evil here doesn't have the guts to fire you and neither do I so we're just going to give you this... 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1927 If you think about it, this is clearly more like a 'fusion' than a 'collusion.' 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1928 Just to be clear...the irony of your poor spelling is not lost on me...as either outcome whether 'termiting' or 'terminating' bodes poorly for me! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1929 I heard you guys hire any dummy that applies. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1930 It's called "Management for Dummies," and based on your tiny hands, it pertains to you, too. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1931 I would have gotten this list to you sooner but this guy’s been on my back all day. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1932 We’re downsizing. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1933 Sorry Steve, this is coming from the top-down. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1934 Don't blame the messenger. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1935 I read your memo and you’re wrong. I’m not a martinet and I categorically deny that I’m anyone’s puppet. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1936 Ignore him. He’s not firing you; I’M firing you. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1937 Read my lips. I fired the last guy who thought I was a dummy 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1938 Look, I'm just the messenger. If you've got a problem with this task, you'll have to take it up with the guy whose hand is up my butt. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1939 Just because I'm small, don't think I'm not petty too! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1940 Your boss just wants a little plausible deniability. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1941 Trump told my boss to tell me to tell you ---YOU'RE FIRED 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1942 The company president wants you to set up a dummy corporation. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1943 Hey, Bill. I brought new jokes about your promotion request. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1944 You should ask yourself, who is the dummy that didn’t get the memo? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1945 We're promoting you to straight man. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
1946 If you think this is impressive, should see him fire people while drinking water! 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1947 If we had an anonymous suggestion box this wouldn't be necessary. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1948 I just got promoted. Who's the dummy now? 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1949 Yes! I am complaining! This dude's hands are NOT a chair! 1.2561 0.06678 82 68 7 7
1950 I'm filing a written sexual harassment complaint against Bob here. He's had his hand inside me all day, and he won't let me speak for myself. 1.2561 0.06449 82 67 9 6
1951 Speak to my hand. 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1952 There's no easy way to say this, you're fired. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1953 Perkins? He helps me micro-manage 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1954 We closed the deal. It helped that I was able to pull some strings. 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1955 Did you get a pink slip too? I got one, but the guy behind me, didn't. How unfair is that? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1956 I'm really sorry, if it were up to me I'd never fire you, but I'm afraid he insists. 1.2561 0.06449 82 67 9 6
1957 Talk to the subpoena! 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1958 We had to downsize middle management. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1959 I'm the new down-sized HR Department. This is your pink slip. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1960 You're fired. And, by the way, you can go ahead and shoot the messenger. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1961 I really need a stand-up desk. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1962 I see your forecast for personnel came up short. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1963 If you want to write another memo for me, learn to use my voice. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1964 You've been promoted Stan, it was your tiny hands that sealed it. 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1965 This proposal is the work of a mindless, manipulated dummy, and I should know. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1966 Who are you calling a mouthpiece?! 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1967 He's asking you for a raise. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1968 This citation is for creating a hostile work environment based your use of the word "Dummy." 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1969 Sign here or the puppeteer dies. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1970 I've had to become very creative to get around the hiring freeze. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1971 I'm here in case you have to kill the messenger. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1972 Here's the dummy invoice I promised you. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1973 Marvin is too shy to read this to you." "It says." "You're fired, go, get out, now. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1974 Here's your two weeks notice. Now who's the dummy? 1.2561 0.06900 82 69 5 8
1975 I need you to edit the latest edition of Bosses for Dummies. 1.2561 0.06678 82 68 7 7
1976 Why did you send this to me? You think I 'm some kind of dummy! 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1977 You are too big, go 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1978 Your wife said to let you down softly, but you've been served 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1979 Who's the dummy now, Morganson? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
1980 Rewrite this speech. It's WAY too short. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1981 Be Best 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1982 So which dummy should I listen to? 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1983 Quick, get this off to Charlie McCarthy. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1984 DNA results show that you aren't my dad....... 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
1985 As stated in the contract, you can't use b, f, m, p, v, w, or y. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1986 They told me before I started that the boss was a dummy, but I didn't think they meant that literally. 1.2558 0.06230 86 70 10 6
1987 Are you serious? And I’m suppose to be the dummy. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1988 Here you go Schmedlapp, "Computers for Dummies"; if it worked for the guy behind me, it'll work for you! 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
1989 Here.Its about reducing the staff. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1990 Have your people call my people. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1991 The boss won't tell you but your report is crap. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1992 I like to think you're being rightsized. 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
1993 I thought ‘Business for Dummies’ was just a clever book title. 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
1994 I'm telling you Edgar, this promotion comes with no strings attached! 1.2532 0.04923 79 59 20 0
1995 Wilson refuses to directly deal with you. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
1996 Unthortunately, Ith got the dad n-oos: you're thired. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
1997 I will not stand for this! 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
1998 Is this what he meant when he said my Ph.D. would come in handy? 1.2530 0.06378 83 68 9 6
1999 This is a Letter of Reprimand for the Charlie McCarthy jokes you told in the break room. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2000 I have laryngitis. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2001 We've noticed that you haven't become an organ donor. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2002 He may be a bully, but at least he has the guts to speak for himself. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2003 I'd like to lodge a complaint. This man is mishandling me. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2004 Could be worse - Trump fires folks on Twitter. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2005 Here's my lunch order. Sawdust, woodstain, and I want an apple. No strings attached! 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2006 His requirements for you to return to speaking terms 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2007 I’m from HR, and I am here to help you! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2008 This is your termination notice. So, who’s the dummy now?! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2009 I have some questions about my performance review. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2010 Harold's latest attempt at avoiding direct confrontation in the workplace was deemed moderately successful. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2011 Get this done before you leave tonight, and stop calling me 'Big Guy.' 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2012 The final vote is in, 2-1 in favor of my raise. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2013 You left your anonymous survey by the printer. Good thing your boss didn't see it! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2014 You're darned right I second the motion. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2015 Do you want to see me give you this assignment while Haskins drinks a glass of water? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2016 That's not what I meant by "we're downsizing your role". 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2017 Notify all employees to stop calling my messages ‘mini-me’s mini-memo’s. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2018 Yes, I am the future of middle management in this company. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2019 Just read the note, follow the instructions and nobody gets hurt. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2020 New guidance on maintaining plausible deniability. If you get stuck see me, not him. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2021 This new “Save the trees, No more Dummies”law is a really bad idea. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2022 have you tried dropping him? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2023 It documents a history of inappropriate touching. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2024 Fred is uncertain how to feel about a new form of passive-aggressive notes. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2025 Damnit Greg my boss is really up my ass on these papers! 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2026 You don't have to tell me what artificial intelligence is all about. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2027 Don't listen to him 1.2500 0.06309 84 69 9 6
2028 James really didn't want to tell you this, but, you're fired 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2029 Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipsicing elite. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2030 I was told I'd qualify for time and a half pay. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2031 Everyone hands in reports on standard size paper, except you. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2032 How could you put Mortimer Snerd on the all time top ten dummy list and exclude me? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2033 Yes, it's your walking paper. This new guy is a much better ventriloquist PLUS he knows how to fix French Toast. 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2034 Show me on the doll where your boss delegated to you. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2035 What were you expecting from a small business consultant? 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2036 Help me Stephen, I've turned into a dummy and I need you to finish all of my paperwork by Wednesday. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2037 You're in trouble with the big guy. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2038 H.R. didn't have the heart to do it, so they sent me... You're fired. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2039 You should have read the small print before you signed! 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2040 I am not exactly pleased with this review of my people skills 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2041 And you call ME a dummy? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2042 Say hello to my big friend. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2043 Sorry but we’ve all been downsized 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2044 Yeah, I may be a dummy but I've still got a voice in all of this! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2045 Here's demands, first, get this guy off my back. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2046 What do I look like? Some kind of dummy? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2047 We're here about the job, 'Asst. to Rudy Giuliani", previous government work a plus, must be able to keep mouth shut! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2048 I am his registered support dummy, you have to make an accommodation. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2049 Here’s your pink slip. Who’s the dummy now? 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2050 Here's the proposal for my next book -- "Ventriloquism for Dummies." 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2051 He is not the boss of me. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2052 Read this joke and laugh, he's got laryngitis. 1.2500 0.05046 84 64 19 1
2053 In case you haven’t guessed yet - you’re being downsized... 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2054 Remit to the Panama account, Howard...and remember, this conversation never happened. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2055 These ideas you’ve written are all my ideas. You really need to find your own voice around here, Larry. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2056 He's a rescue 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2057 I may be a parasitic twin but I ain't no dummy! 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2058 He doesn't have the guts to hand out pink slips himself. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2059 My name is Giuliani. My client, Mr.Trump, asks that you print this statement in your paper. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2060 I'm not a dummy, I know you wrote this! 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2061 Do as it says or I'll cut off his tongue. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2062 We just received this letter of complaint from a Miss Marion Nette. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2063 Look, don't kill the messenger. We all work for someone. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2064 Re-write it in your own voice this time. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2065 So? You have small hands. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2066 Here's your report. Now get this guy off my back. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2067 #metwo 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2068 Why!? Because the mime wasn't humiliating enough. That's why! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2069 What do I look like, a Dummy?!!! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2070 Your report is trash, and the boss is behind me on this. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2071 Don didn't have the guts to tell you, so I will. You're fired. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2072 Yeah, we can't actually find a record of you being a current employee here. 1.2500 0.06532 84 70 7 7
2073 I really prefer to use my OWN voice, OK? 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2074 Of course this is the only copy, dummy questions like that belittle our standing. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2075 This is not, I repeat NOT, fake news! 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2076 You think I'm micromanaging you? Try working with a hand up your ass all day. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2077 Trump says read this on Fox news. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2078 Tom here, doesn't have the balls to fire you so I'm afraid its left to me to give you your pink slip. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2079 I found my replacement. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2080 Meet my proxy. 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2081 A subpoena? You think this is cute? 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2082 Sorry, Jim. We're downsizing to save costs. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2083 I think you'll find the dummy's material pretty much speaks for itself. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2084 Don't make me say it more than twice! 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2085 Here’s $130,000 to make this guy shut up. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2086 Here's the list of our Russian contacts. You didn't get it from Finster. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2087 This isn't what we meant when we said you need to be giving 110% at work 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2088 Here's your written reprimand, Bob. You can't go around calling your coworkers dummies. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2089 Doesn't sound any less like B.S. coming from him, Kevin. 1.2469 0.06462 81 67 8 6
2090 This is our final offer - no strings attached! 1.2469 0.06462 81 67 8 6
2091 If you want to talk to the President, you'll have to go through me. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2092 Sigh* "I told you, 'Oscar;' we're not hiring. And I can see your mouth moving, Bryan. Please, go back to your desk." 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
2093 For the last time Roger, I'm not paying both of you. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2094 Taking his cue from the leader of the free world, Ted now fires by proxy. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
2095 Wadkins, if I approved these expenses, people here would take me for a dummy! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2096 The dummies in Human Resources wanted me to give you this. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2097 Gotta believe me, he doesn't know about this contract. He doesn't even know he is holding me. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2098 Mr. Kushner here hasn't got the heart to do it himself, so on behalf of the President it's fallen to me to deliver your termination papers Mr. (________(fill in the blank)_______). You're Fired. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2099 "When did Terminex stop participating in our health plan"? 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2100 Yes, I know we're just a dummy corporation, but this really needs to be done. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2101 Was it you who filed this complaint about unnecessary micromanagement? 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2102 The company is being downsized. 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2103 Saw your email Frank. Yes, this company is run by a dummy! 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2104 Managing for Dummies 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2105 I'm the new H.R. Director. I want to give you this termination notice in person to avoid any possible confusion. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2106 I didn’t say that, he did. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2107 Bad news. "Big Tom" says you're fired. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2108 Are you the one who sent me this book 'Computer Skills for Dummies'? 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2109 It's in the self-help section: "Avoiding Confrontation for Dummies". 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2110 Shoot the messenger. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2111 Can you dumb it down? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2112 You think I'm making this up? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2113 HR will now be run by artificial intelligence. Also, you're fired. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2114 You! Is this your memo? "Knock wood, Ha Ha?" You think that's funny? I'll show you funny. Splinters up your butt: that's funny. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2115 Sorry, Bob, but you're being replaced with artificial intelligence. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2116 Pay no attention to the hand up my back 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2117 The great thing about Twitter is that nobody can see his lips move. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2118 Your hand is all over this. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2119 No, that doesn't count as a middle man. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2120 Can you please sign this, the boss is really on my ass about this. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2121 You say,'The boss is a dummy.' I say, 'You're fired.' 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2122 Mr. Snodgrass hates confrontation: you're fired! 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2123 Mr. Johnson asked me to deliver this internal memo about our new corporate growth strategy. He also suggested that everyone get a puppet for plausible deniability. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2124 Men with little hands are bigger where it counts. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2125 What’s that look for, huh?? Yeah, ok, I might be a little guy...and I’m sort of sitting in midair. But MY hands are the same size as YOUR hands, my friend, so just remember that... 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2126 Bob here didn't write this and has no idea what it says. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2127 Common misconception—the corporate arm is literal. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2128 You've been invited to the 3rd Annual Employee Ventriloquist Contest; just kidding, you're fired. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2129 Office hack#38 . . .because no man delights in the bearer of bad news. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2130 But the flyer says the office talent show is today?! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2131 I consider myself more of a corporate puppeteer. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2132 So here's my idea on downsizing. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2133 And again... I never said any of this, it was the puppet 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2134 Sign here... we're pulling the strings now 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2135 Can you believe I got called in to HR for calling Bill a dummy. For heaven's sake, It's our word! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2136 Initial here and we can keep this between you, me, and the bedpost. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2137 I heard you got promoted to middle management. Who's the corporate puppet now? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2138 I read your rough draft Smith. I would like it better if you chose a different voice 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2139 Your copy is derivative. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2140 It's a subpoena for your dummy corporation. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2141 I’m handing in my resignation, he doesn’t have the guts.” 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2142 Sticky notes for dummies, you should read it. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2143 Meanwhile at the "For Dummies" headquarters 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2144 You're fired, Mr. Tiny Hands. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2145 We're getting downsized. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2146 It's not you, it's me. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2147 I'm counting on you coming to the show on Saturday. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2148 Welp, I got a clean bill of health from the proctologist. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2149 We’re downsizing. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2150 Roger’s fear of confrontation has just gotten ridiculous. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2151 HR hopes this will cut down on workplace confrontations 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2152 I want real news. This looks like something Rudy Giuliani would say. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2153 Mind explaining this invoice for wood glue and lip balm, Edgar? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2154 I personally disagree with him, but, you know..... 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2155 Hey, my face is down here. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2156 I thought it best to tell you the bad news man to man. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2157 I can't believe this dummy is my boss. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2158 Look, you've done some good work here, but it seems like you're still trying to find your own voice. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2159 A raise and a promotion if you get this dummy off my back! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2160 You're fired. You can blame me, but not my big friend here. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2161 I need this, in duplicates. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2162 This is the small settlement we talked about. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2163 Bad news, Jared. The lawyers just told me to dummy up. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2164 Hey, can I try my new ventr-- oh holy fuck what happened to your right hand? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2165 This list of grievances speaks for itself. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2166 I was looking through the suggestion box and found one that was interesting, Ted. “Supervisor? More like a spineless puppet.” 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2167 Now who's the dummy, Glenn!?? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2168 Here’s my resignation— you have called me ”a real dummy” once too often! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2169 Matter of fact , he does speak for the board of directors. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2170 If anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2171 Read my lips, no more layoffs! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2172 Don't look at me like I'm the one who said it. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2173 I'm the only one who's lips move, and that's the way it's gonna stay. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2174 There are concerns about your latest report. I'm not good at face-to-face confrontation, so I wrote you this note. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2175 The President submits a statement to the press through a spokesman. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2176 Let's see... "Mr. Trump will be the healthiest President ever..." No, wait, here it is: "Phil was absent from work Friday due to an episode of pleurisy." Boy, this get's easier the more I do it. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2177 No, I'm not firing you; the puppet is firing you. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2178 Once again, Phillips was guilty of micromanagement. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2179 Why am I firing you? Because I'm his right hand man. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2180 It's not just a pink slip, it's funny! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2181 This Department Has Worked 0 Days Without a Ventriloquist Incident. The Previous Record was __ days. 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
2182 You have never been issued a subpoena? 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
2183 This says, "Micro-management will no longer be tolerated!" 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2184 Please, help me! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2185 No, I am NOT a carry-on dummy. I have my ticket right here. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2186 Here's a message from the guy in the corner office you called a dummy. It says, "you're fired!" 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2187 I have a little task for you 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2188 I need a little word with you! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2189 Mr. Clark, you have officially been served 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2190 Upper management’s edgy new supervisory implement requires you rate the effectiveness of the mustache on a scale between eins and sieben. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2191 Can you read shorthand? 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2192 As the new Regional Manager, Mr. Jacob's approach to confrontation was unorthodox and refreshingly whimsical. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2193 The boss is making me tell you to take care of this. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2194 Hey Mark can you finish up this paperwork for me? The boss is all up in my business. 1.2375 0.06474 80 67 7 6
2195 What do you mean calling me a lap dog? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
2196 I got a little job for you. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2197 The boss thought you might like to read this book - Leadership for Dummies" 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2198 We definitely agree on this one. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2199 Here's you're final notice, we're downsizing. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2200 I am your President and nobody manipulates me. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2201 He can't think of anything to say so I wrote you this note. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2202 Sign this requisition for toner. And by the way, I've been sleeping with your wife. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2203 If you have something to say to me, just say it to me face to face. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2204 Here's today's news he sees fit to print. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2205 Explain to me, Sanders, why you lied on your "résumé." You think I'm a dummy. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2206 Day 42: The boss has given a whole new meaning to the term "micro managing." 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2207 HR needs to talk to you about harassment allegations. #MiniMeToo 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2208 Research says you come away happier when handed your pink slip by something that brings back childhood phobias. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2209 Don't worry, they've been carrying me for years. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2210 I'm sorry about your job, but his hands are tied. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2211 I thought I had picked up a copy of 'Memo Writing for Dummies'. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2212 Myers wants me to give you this list of demands. And his choice to have me act as his representative is not a sign of weakness. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2213 Send this memo to all the dummies in the office. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2214 Is this a good time to review all your complaints about that dummy boss of yours? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2215 You asked for short-form. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2216 Your lips are moving as well. 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
2217 Your urinals fail to meet the new specs. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2218 I don't think you should be calling your CEO 'a little dummy' in your memos to the board. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2219 here's your short term contract! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2220 You said you needed a mouthpiece, so here I am. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2221 Move your lips one more time and you'll be fired. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2222 My superior is uncomfortable telling you this, so he asked me to let you know...you're being laid off. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2223 At least my hands fill out the sleeves 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2224 Look, I'm just following orders. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2225 It's a flyer for a workshop on overcoming fear of public speaking. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2226 This memo says Mr. Hodges hurts productivity with his vexillography. Mr. Hodges only studies flag design in his leisure time, dummy. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2227 You think a lay-off is bad? I've been downsized my whole life. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2228 The new 3D printer is online. Oh, and you're all fired. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2229 Blame him! He's the one asking you to work overtime. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2230 Excuse me, Patterson, but I never said any of this. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2231 Gerald wants you to make the font bigger on your documents. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2232 We're downsizing, so we're going to have to let you go. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2233 We are a package deal. He speaks for both of us! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2234 We're suing for slander. I'm just his mouthpiece. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2235 It's easier to fire people when it doesn't come from me directly. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2236 Hi! I'd like to set up a dummy corporation for Mikhail...I mean Miguel...sorry..Michael Kohn...I mean Cohn...sorry Cohen. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2237 Corporate policy says I have to tell you that we are dating. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2238 Hey, don't feel too bad - Bob hot fired by a mime. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2239 They said I'm only a micromanager... 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2240 Here’s the written documentation for IRS purposes that I am a dependent. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2241 It's a pink slip, dummy. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2242 Starting January 1, we'll be retaining only employees who think outside the voice box. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2243 This has forced me into a very comprimising position. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2244 Our focus group thought 'Management for Dummies' was derogatory, but Management disagrees. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2245 You will no longer be needed at the White House. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2246 Johnson was beginning to think that maybe he was the dummy. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2247 Don't look at it as down-sizing, look at it as gaining a little friend. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2248 This statement of LGBTD rights clearly says that I have the right to have a hand up my tush during any and all business hours. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2249 Seriously, you didn't think I'd recognize the hand writing? 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2250 I'm his mouthpiece! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2251 Compliance found a loophole in our non-retaliation policy. You're fired. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2252 My opinions are totally my own. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2253 John realized he was about to be a victim of Charley McCartyism.. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2254 Let me clear: he is to be cc'ed on everything. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2255 In keeping with company bylaws, he cannot directly make this job offer to you. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2256 My study is completed. Little hands don't indicate anything! 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2257 This report is not your own work ... I may be a puppet, but I am not stupid. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2258 Scott isn't firing you, Mr. Tibbles is. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2259 Herbert says he’s very angry that he wasn’t cc’d on this memo. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2260 Here’s my formal complaint , this man is constantly touching me inappropriately. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2261 You're fired. And in this case, it's okay to shoot the messenger. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2262 I hate to be the one to tell you this, so... 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2263 Your eighth birthday? My lips moved? Your dad refused to pay? Starting to ring a bell? 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2264 Can you get this for me? I hear that you're the one pulling the strings around here. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2265 You’re fired. Just don’t take it out on the other dummy. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2266 Little Bill says you're fired. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2267 In this industry, you’ve gotta start small 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2268 Please read this without moving your lips. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2269 Don't be alarmed by being handed a "pink slip" from a dummy,....it has been the new normal around here for over a year ! 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2270 You typed your report on my grandfather's remains. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2271 Remember. This conversation never happened. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2272 I don't care if you think the office is run by a bunch of dummies, I'm the BOSS! 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2273 I'm reporting you for microaggression 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2274 I've been made redundant. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2275 I quit! Who's the dummy now? 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
2276 I hear your voice, but I’m seeing your lips move. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2277 Read my lips: no more wisecracks. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2278 I can't talk, he's got his hand up my ass. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2279 Read this, dummy. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2280 When you squint, you barely even notice he’s a corporate puppet 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2281 Read my lips, Carl... 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2282 You haven't signed my petition against sock puppets. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2283 Why do you assume the expense report with the comedy club is mine, dummy? 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2284 Here’s a list of reasons you should hang out with Gary. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2285 You’re fired. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2286 I need this form filled out and don’t make me look like a dummy! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2287 Managements' new strategy to inform workers of imminent downsizing was not well received. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2288 Read my lips: the President can do anything. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2289 Since you couldn't hear me from across the office, I decided to throw my voice. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2290 I quit; I'm tired of being your puppet. 1.2368 0.06720 76 64 6 6
2291 Were you the one who wrote this for him for me? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2292 Who do you think is firing you? Is there someone else in the office? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2293 Your puppet is served. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2294 I got your memo about printing out emails. 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2295 We haven't met before but I'm the guy who delivers the small print. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2296 Betcha I can turn that big ol' frown upside d—just kidding; you’re fired. 1.2368 0.04909 76 58 18 0
2297 I have been working time and a half on this! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2298 He doesn't want to fire you, so I will. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2299 This copy is hollow, wooden, and doesn't let your own voice come through. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2300 It’s says “Subpoena”, dummy! 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2301 Frankly Wilson, I found your memo of computer skills for dummies quite offensive! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2302 Okay, now talk to me as if I’m a client. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2303 Your invite doesn't say if we can bring a plus one. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2304 Did you know we're downsizing! 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2305 It’s a list of complaints from somebody who will remain nameless. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2306 He isn’t joking. If you don’t start working harder, he will put an arm up your a**. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2307 You know I can see you, right? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2308 You call this funny? 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
2309 Sorry Glenn, we’re downsizing. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2310 It’s a supoena...for the Mcarthy hearings. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2311 You mean to tell me the “for dummies” series isn’t really for dummies? 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
2312 This memo from Mr. Finklestein mandates an end to all micromanagement...wait, is he standing behind me? 1.2338 0.05195 77 60 16 1
2313 Size discrination 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2314 You're fired. And don't chop the messenger. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
2315 This is a written-warning to stop goofing around at the office. 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
2316 Here is a note from my doctor who is giving me a colonoscopy as I speak. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2317 My client would like to submit this brief to the House committee. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2318 Just remember.... you didn’t hear this from me. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2319 he's always up my ass about time sheets 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2320 This report makes me re-think who the actual dummy is 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2321 You’ll notice that my resume highlights my teamwork abilities. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2322 You’re fired for calling your boss a dummy! 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2323 Here’s tonight’s breaking news, but remember: You didn’t hear it from me. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2324 Words in my mouth? Perish the thought! 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2325 Just a reminder that it's 'take your daughter (and/or divorce coping mechanism) to work day' tomorrow 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2326 Just title it My Struggle. So what if another semitic people call it Jihad. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2327 The coward carrying me doesn't have the guts to tell you himself. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2328 I do as much work as he does so I should get equal pay. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2329 Hey dummy, give Kevin a raise! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2330 I have here a list of suggestions, comments, complaints, and demands from an anonymous employee. 1.2329 0.06621 73 61 7 5
2331 Guess what -- you accidentally cc'd me on your email. Who's the dummy now? 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2332 You expect me to believe you wrote this on your own? 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2333 So, the big boys sent me to tell you that you're fired. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2334 Send this, and don't go putting words in my mouth. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2335 Will you google this for me? My fingers are stiff. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2336 Steven Taylor, you’ve just been served. Have a nice day. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2337 this was very hard to write 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2338 The President wants to tell you your fired and that he can do it while drinking a glass of water? 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2339 Uh...yeah. Uh...what he said. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2340 I think I can speak for rest of the company that your delivery is a bit wooden. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2341 First do me a favor and check where Ned has his hand. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2342 I'm from outplacement. We want you to look back on this and laugh. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2343 I'm your boss, do as he says! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2344 What dummy wrote this? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2345 Did you even read Windows for Dummies? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2346 Look, dumbass! I don’t read script. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2347 You misspelled the boss's name on the annual report. Who's the dummy now, Bob? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2348 Print this while drinking a glass of water and humming 'Swanee River' 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2349 What do you mean you can see my mouth moving? 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2350 Why should I listen to you? You’re a dummy. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2351 See! You're not the only one in this firm that knows short hand!" 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2352 You're upset with me? You should have seen his monkey! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2353 You didn't make the boss's short list for anything, whatsoever. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2354 It's our new policy stating ventriloquism is not creepy as hell. Please post it immediately. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2355 I will have my people talk to your people about this! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2356 If I delivered this speech, they'd call me a dummy! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2357 Severance has a whole other meaning for me. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2358 Help! This fool won’t put me down. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2359 He's resigning because he feels belittled. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2360 I want these five things done by tomorrow or the ventriloquist comes unhinged. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2361 You're fired!" "Says who? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2362 HR's new non-discrimination policy covers dummies. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2363 My contract speaks for itself. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2364 My manager felt bad about giving you more work to do at 4:45, so I volunteered to do it for him. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2365 I’m Dr Jackson and I wrote this report. 1.2329 0.06621 73 61 7 5
2366 I want this done right the first time. I know when you cut corners, I'm not a dummy. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2367 I want everything in duplicate. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2368 Wait 'till you see my office! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2369 I speak for my client here when I say that the both of us agree that a separtion is in order 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2370 Here’s my proposal for a dummy neutral restroom. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2371 As stated in the Dunham, Bergen, Winchell case, you need to look at me when I am talking to you. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2372 Come on Wiggins, think for yourself! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2373 You are about to know how I feel all the time. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2374 I demand to have my voice heard! 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2375 Help me, he's a madman. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2376 I guess micromangement has a different meaning around here...huh, Ted. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2377 You're fired. I didn't want to do it but I was manipulated by my idiot supervisor. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2378 I told my goofy friend here to 'give this to Emma,' but he thought I said 'give me an enema.' 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2379 Meet your new department head. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2380 ... and if you screw this up, upper management will be all over your ass. Trust me on this! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2381 I’m sorry that you’re getting this secondhand... but you’re fired. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2382 Put a suit on- this is a formal work space so suits are required and no toys are allowed. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2383 I wrote this song about you. Does that make me weird? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2384 The boss wants you to know that he values autonomy 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2385 You need to learn to write in your own voice! 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2386 Don't blame him for all the work you're about to do, he just carries me around. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2387 He's the ball-buster. I'm the nutcracker! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2388 I would like to discuss a raise for my partner and I. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2389 Roger--he of little backbone--asked me to give you this request. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2390 HR, this is a sexual harassment notice. He won't take his hand off my butt! 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2391 I only use him for real estate deals. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2392 Check it out. It's a non-disclosure agreement for dummys who're not responsible for what they say. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2393 Jim couldn't bear to fire you face-to-face, so he brought me. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2394 We need to talk - mannequin a mano. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2395 I may be a “sycophantic gerbil”, but I know when to avoid “Reply All”. 1.2329 0.04981 73 56 17 0
2396 From an anonymous source, you're fired. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2397 I'm testing out our new a proxy server 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2398 I'm afraid we're having our Mini-MeToo moment. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2399 The big brass would rather not speak to underlings. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2400 This couldn't have been anymore awkward if they had sent the company mime to deliver the pink slip. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2401 According to his annual employee review, I think Charles deserves a raise! 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2402 They loved my prototype; now who's the dummy? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2403 Just sign this NDA and the big guy gives you $130,000. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2404 I heard your comment on how I act like I have something up my ass. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2405 I liked it better when I only had to pretend to respect one boss. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2406 Please note that the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of my present owner 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2407 Plausible deniability. I'll take the fall if anything goes wrong. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2408 I'm the only employee with the guts to tell you this memo is asinine. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2409 HR would like to speak with you. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2410 Big boss asked me to hand you this. His hands are full at the moment. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2411 For the last time, the company handbook states that the freezer is for food only. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2412 I’m a precautionary measure: Mini Me-Too. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2413 Psst. Please sign this birthday card for the boss. 1.2297 0.06816 74 63 5 6
2414 My personal lawyer, completely acting on his own, would like you to sign this NDA. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2415 "And at the top of the list is Murphy's Oil installed in the rest rooms". 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2416 Simpson, we don't use the term "dummy" around here. I'm sorry, but... you're fired. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2417 If you’re gonna put words in my mouth, try ‘These jokes suck’. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2418 It's my body - when I die I want to go as a yule log. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2419 Of course it’s a dummy bank account; what were you expecting? 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2420 I'd like to file a me two complaint. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
2421 Just because I let this guy put his hand up my butt and make me talk like a puppet does not mean that my ideas are not good. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
2422 Don't shoot the big guy, it's the little guy's idea. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2423 Spare me these tedious disquisitions on macroeconomic theory, Thornstein. You know good and goddamn well what I mean by vertical integration! 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2424 I'm new here, this guy's hands are cold, file this for me please. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2425 I know you're sleeping with with my wife, Johnson. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
2426 Evans! I need you to run out and get me some wood glue. And lots of it. When you get back, clear out your desk. Here's your pink slip. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2427 Take this memo, and don't tell me to shove it up my ass, it's already too crowded in there. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2428 Yes I'm serious, that is why I delivered this message personally! 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2429 As you can see, Steve, even management is downsizing this year. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2430 We’re going to need these “Work-Appropriate Hand Attirre” memos in triplicate by end of business. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2431 If I could speak for myself you would not be my first choice. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2432 What is the meaning of this, you dummy? 1.2297 0.04923 74 57 17 0
2433 The 'Business for Dummies' idea got the 'go ahead.' 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2434 Hold this, my hands are too small. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2435 Here are my client's demands. Also, would you turn up the thermostat? His hands are freezing! 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2436 We need to move on this. Whaddya say we cut out the middle man? 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2437 I thought it was a good report, but the clowns upstairs want you to rewrite it. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2438 I see you've brought your corporate puppet with you today. 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
2439 Hi, I'm Mini-Me Mueller and here's your subpoena. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
2440 The boss is up my ass trying to get these papers filed by the deadline. 1.2286 0.06490 70 58 8 4
2441 It seems I'm not the only dummy in here. You're fired! 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
2442 Here, see? They love my haiku, and they’re gonna publish it. Asshole! 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
2443 Pay no attention to that man behind the dummy. Did you or did you not write this? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
2444 I'm not a dummy! He's the dummy! 1.2278 0.06228 79 66 8 5
2445 Where in the sexual harassment guidelines does it say he gets to put his hand up there? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2446 Don’t like it? Talk to the hand. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2447 This is Jason, our ventriloquits compliance officer. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2448 You're done being my puppet. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
2449 Got the memo, dummy? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2450 Don't hit me, I'm just the messenger! 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2451 You're to be replaced by an artificial intelligence, like me. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
2452 No more referring to me as a common dummy. This nursery affidavit establishes that I am a rare blend of maple and mahogany. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
2453 I've been meaning to speak to you. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2454 I think I speak for both us when I say this report isn't up to snuff, Campbell. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2455 I now know who had a hand in that decision. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2456 Don't look at me like I've a thumb up my @$$." "Where are my TPS reports? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2457 What do you mean I fell short of expectations! 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2458 Reed the Memo Dummy says: read the memo, dummy. 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
2459 Were you speaking for yourself when you sent this? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2460 This is not how you downsize! 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2461 The dummy was too afraid to ask for a raise... so I will! 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
2462 From the look of these numbers, I'd say you're the dummy, pal! 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2463 My therapist says I have anxiety, but H.R. doesn't allow support animals. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2464 Ha! A one-page tax return - who's the dummy now? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2465 I'd appreciate your advice on a situation of unwelcome touching. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2466 I wrote this memo to give him plausible deniability. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2467 Pay no attention to the man behind the closer. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2468 I'm not much of a micro manager but... 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2469 Nine point font, please. I'm not blind. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2470 I wrote you another poem—no strings attached. 1.2254 0.04994 71 55 16 0
2471 "It's his request for a squatting desk". 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2472 I have been assigned the unpleasant task of going over your annual performance review. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2473 Bill, here are Mike and my per diems for Charlotte. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2474 It's a harassment complaint...I can't do anything without this guy's hands all over me. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2475 Do you HR guys ever get tired of issuing new dress codes? He has to wear gloves. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2476 We've decided to let you go. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2477 We're being downsized and I do feel your pain. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2478 I don't want to put words in your mouth, but text this. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2479 This is your last official warning to use my correct pronouns, or else. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2480 Pack a bag Pierre. Got to go to Paris and this clown don’t parlez francais. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2481 Tell Mr. Cohen that his shell company makes us all look like dummies ! 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2482 ...And if I get any more crap from you like this, you’ll be hearing from the big boss! 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2483 Larry wasn't prepared for this when they told him the boss his a hand in everything... 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2484 I may be a dummy but you're fired! 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2485 I'm told your responsible for this mini-meme? 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2486 I'm the boss. Nobody speaks for me. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2487 So...Steve doesn't know how to delegate? Then how did I just come up with the new marketing proposal? 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2488 Don't think you can throw your voice around here! 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2489 In the words of another dummy, 'You're fired.' 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2490 Regrettably, the company has been forced to do some downsizing. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2491 Hank knew the day would come when he would come face-to-face with Willard the Firing Dummy. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
2492 My passive-aggressive boss’ alter-ego delivered the list of things Little Dolphie would like done by 5 o’clock... 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2493 The Board's new plan will decrease expenses by downsizing personnel. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2494 Sorry, kid. I don’t make the rules. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2495 Whatever you do, don't call him a dummy. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2496 I am the definition of a micromanager! 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
2497 I'm not tiny. I'm HUGE! Here, have some more classified information, Ambassador Lavrov. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2498 'Speaking for myself, you won't be missed. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2499 Yes, my proxy has also signed the form. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2500 Sorry for the short notice, but here's your walking papers. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
2501 Carbon copy me on this. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
2502 Hello HR, I'm suing the guy behind me for harassment. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2503 Performance review time. And since your boss has trouble with confrontations, I’ll handle the difficult parts. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
2504 We've decided against your proposal of cutting middle management. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2505 Plausible deniability my friend? 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2506 I'm his mouthpiece! 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2507 Read my lips, Johnson. I said DO NOT double-space this. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2508 How am I supposed to approve your request when you know we just went through downsizing? 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
2509 The boss is a virtual ventriloquist. He has me write these memos and you can't even see his hands move! 1.2222 0.06324 72 60 8 4
2510 He says he tired of just communicating by email. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2511 Johnson, read my lips: the numbers don’t add up. I’m going to have to report you to my Controller. 1.2222 0.04934 72 56 16 0
2512 Don't complain—the boss is riding my ass, too. 1.2222 0.06324 72 60 8 4
2513 I’d like to open this small business. 1.2222 0.06324 72 60 8 4
2514 I hired him for his looks. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2515 Where can I drop off this complaint about the height of the mailboxes? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2516 Sign it or I'll kick the stuffing out of your electronic dummy. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2517 Well, well, I think sending me this little note is a bit passive aggressive, wouldn't you agree? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2518 He's got laryngitis but apparently you're fired. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2519 I'm learning to be more assertive. 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2520 And if this expense account doesn't outrage me enough, the guy behind me has his hand up my butt. 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2521 Well that's better, a dummy got your attention. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2522 I'm from HR and I'll personally be available to discuss with an open mind, why you're being let go. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2523 Listen, James, I'm not trying to be mean, but from one dummy to another.... 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2524 Yes, I'm the dummy delivering your pink slip. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2525 I'm sorry, but the font size is way too small. 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2526 Whats that Mr. Stephenson... He won't like his severance package... No, I don't think he will! 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2527 No, no, no, that's backwards. I fly the children's ticket. The guy behind me is my service dummy. He flies streereage. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2528 Do it! Or, he'll stick his hand up your ... Just do it! 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2529 This is a formal complaint about where his hand is - act natural. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2530 This is outrageous. Our department has already been downsized. 1.2208 0.05104 77 61 15 1
2531 Harry can't talk to you right now, but here's something pink that he wants you to read quietly. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2532 Looking at your last review, it looks like you're the dummy - not me. 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
2533 How many times do I have to tell you to address emails to me instead of the dummy behind me? 1.2208 0.06303 77 65 7 5
2534 You keep writing ‘Dummy’ in front of my lines, and I will be the end of you, Withers. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2535 My resignation. I am sick and tired of him having his head up his ass and his hand up my ass. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2536 Have this done by five or he'll have his hand up your butt! 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
2537 This is to notify you that it's PC to call only one of us a dummy. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2538 You misspelled gingivitis. No small matter. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2539 It's a love note; please take it. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
2540 It's obvious I am not the dummy here. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
2541 I see you never bothered to read PCs for Dummies. 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
2542 You didn't get this from me, understand? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2543 Well Bill, it has come to this. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2544 Well, well, look who's been spreading word- like 'downsized', 'short list' or anything '...for Dummies'. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2545 I'm not my own man? Who's the complaint against - me or him? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2546 It doesn’t take a dummy to see whose cooking the books. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2547 Can you believe this shit? 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2548 I object to your comment about too many yes-men and dummies working here. 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2549 It's not that I hate your work, I just find it creepy and unfunny. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2550 What kind of boss do you take me for? Do I look like a dummy to you? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2551 This is a list of my demands. You'll get his later. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2552 The boss needs some dummy to pull these files. And you’re it. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2553 We’re letting go of all you office drones. It’s time we had a corporate puppet around here. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2554 You're fired, you small handed freak! 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2555 Finally... proof that someone around here is doing things behind my back! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2556 Boss wants two copies of everything! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2557 I've rewritten this speech so that it reflects MY thinking. I don't appreciate your putting words in my mouth! 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2558 I need you to dummy up a proposal by the end of the day. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2559 #Mini-Me Too. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2560 You can honestly testify that the company never gave me these instructions. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2561 If my wife asks: I'm not here. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2562 Severance for dummies. 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2563 If you sign, there will be no strings attached. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2564 He's already putting words in my mouth, now he's giving me cue cards?!, we are worried about him...I mean us...I mean me 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2565 Well frankly, Peter, you make ME uncomfortable with YOUR lack of professionalism. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2566 You're fired. If it makes you feel any better, please feel free to shoot the messenger. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2567 Ok "Mister Critic", just what did you mean that my performance seemed "wooden"? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2568 The ventriloquist says this script isn't funny, and he's sick of being the straight man! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2569 My emotional-support dummy has reported you to H.R. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2570 The Big Dummy wants you to take care of this. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2571 We are trying to lower the expectations on this year’s employee bonuses. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2572 You will not get overtime since the order did not come directly from upper management. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2573 The President requested that memo’s fit better in the hands. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2574 I need this done by 7, management is up my a--. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2575 Did you write this note in the suggestion box that says, "management is out of touch"? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2576 If you could have this back on his desk by 5pm that would be great. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2577 I may be dummy, but guess who's getting the pink slip? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2578 And for our next act, we’ll make Larry’s job disappear! 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2579 My source insisted on strict anonymity. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2580 Tiny paper for your tiny tiny hands Jim. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2581 I’m the little man gnawing inside he told you about—and here’s how I see it. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2582 I want this on the double. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2583 I can't speak about it, so I wrote it down. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2584 The tone of your editorial is strangely stiff, hollow, and perverse: I love it! 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2585 I’m sorry, but we wanted two job applications. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2586 Shoot the messenger if you must. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2587 And that's "Hey, 'Mr.' Dummy!" to you. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2588 Help! I'm being held hostage, and it's very uncomfortable. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2589 Our new corporate philosophy only allows for fascism in small doses. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2590 Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Do you think I'm a dummy? 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2591 It’s less dangerous than reply-all. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2592 And that's just the half of it, you pike-nosed chiseler. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2593 By all means, shoot the messenger. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2594 What do you mean, "I'm reclaiming my wood"? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2595 Congratulations Smithers. Upper management pulled some strings and got you a small raise. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2596 Good morning. I have been appointed diversity supervisor here and these are your work orders for today. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2597 Like I said, he's not my boss. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2598 Will you take these five steps to make the office less of a hellhole? Asking for a friend. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2599 He needs this printed in large type 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2600 Bing! You've got mail! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2601 Maybe, instead of criticizing over email, you say it to my face... 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2602 Focus on the crucial evidence in my hand. Not on the man behind me. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2603 Don't say you heard about this from me! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2604 I hate my boss--he always talks out of his ass 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2605 Here's Bob's quarterly report. He hates your guts. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2606 Eve the dummy holding me says this work is crap! 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2607 My client pleads the fifth, but if -- hypothetically -- he couldn't shut up, here is the story he wants you to broadcast. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2608 I have a dummy assignment for you. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2609 I'm filing a complaint with H.R. that you treat me like a dummy. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2610 The big guy asked me to deliver this to you personally. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2611 Here's our resignation, we're going to Vegas. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2612 It's the only way I can safely ask out co-workers. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2613 I wrote the article, you boob! He's just a dummy with his hand up my butt. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2614 Jenkins, you pressed "reply all" with your snide little comment about me, yet somehow I'm the dummy? 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2615 Now whose the dummy?!? 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2616 Talk to the hand... He's got something to say. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2617 This is my speech at the Awards dinner. Punch it up." 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2618 We are providing the short form only. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2619 Looks like we're trading places. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2620 Can you explain this note you wrote that says Bob is a dummy? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2621 We don't like what you've been Tweeting about corporate puppets, Jonathan. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2622 You can disregard the old memo. Some other dummy wrote it. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2623 See, Dan? This white paper shows our 'Boss Hitler' puppets are killing it with kids. It's ironic fascism! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2624 In laying you off, I've taken a page out of 'Downsizing for Dummies.' 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2625 He told me not to say anything,but this to-do list is ridiculous. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2626 Sign this, you annoying stupid idiot! Pay no attention to the big man behind me. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2627 Just sign this form stating that you will no longer speak for yourself. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2628 Welcome to the office. We like to have fun around here. 1.2174 0.05002 69 54 15 0
2629 We have a saying at the Acme Ventroliquist's Dummy Corporation - get your partner's hand out of your butt and get back to work! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2630 It’s the absolute best memo of all time. Ever. Trust me. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2631 Not any dummy can make it in business, let me tell ya. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2632 You don't have to ask me twice 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2633 The boss is too embarrassed to tell you but he's given you a reference 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2634 Did you believe him when he said “I won’t fire you”? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2635 Hey idiot, here is the report. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2636 I assure you we recognize the severity of this complaint. Show me on the man where he touched you. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2637 This font is too big! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2638 Too wooden 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2639 Ah, which one of you dummies wrote this? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2640 You have the right to remain silent,and any dummy may be used against you. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2641 I know this is difficult news, but i felt it was important to deliver it in person. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2642 Here is a dummy memo from HR for you. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2643 Here is the next chapter for 'Post-Its for Dummies'. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2644 For reasons which I cannot specify, you are now the boss. Congratulations. Now fire me, sign this, then fire him. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2645 It's from the President...you are fired. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2646 Can you pin this on the wall for me. My arms don't move. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2647 For reasons that should be obvious, please stop heading your reports with the words, "Dummy Figures." 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2648 Here's that copy you asked for. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2649 Take this assignment or the guy behind me gets it. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2650 Bad news for you, Jack. We're downsizing your department. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2651 I take it that this pink sheet of paper isn't my Hogwarts acceptance letter? 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2652 It’s bring your son to work week and here’s a list of what my father wants you to do today. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2653 What do you mean you liked my old way of micro managing better? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2654 You're promoted. You are the only one in this company not giving lip service. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2655 Seems like your employee satisfaction survey was filled out by a dummy. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2656 How about another little tidbit from " Anonymous Source ". 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2657 The shareholders didn't laugh either. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2658 Is this what you think passes for a dummy corporation? 1.2174 0.06807 69 59 5 5
2659 Are you the dummy who sent out this memo? 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2660 I'm sorry your bonus is so meagre, but we're a little short this year. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2661 Our outside consultant recommends a raise for upper management. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2662 Here is a list of my demands and numbers 1 through 7 are the same: "Stop calling me a mouth-piece" 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2663 I’m filing a formal complaint. I can’t seem to get this guy outta my business. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2664 Two hundred pieces of paperwork to get me on his hand, and he still doesn’t think bureaucracy is silly! 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2665 Wilson, downsizing starts today, so I need you to process Big Tom's severance immediately. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2666 That's what I said. You're a dummy. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
2667 The company is downsizing. First a dummy then a robot. Watch out! 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
2668 I hate to do this, but the big guys have me by the crotch. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
2669 Hate to tell ya, but corporate says we’re downsizing. 1.2162 0.04818 74 58 16 0
2670 Our corporate inventory-shrinkage policy. Don't make my mistake by violating it. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
2671 Don’t get me wrong, Johnson really appreciates the work you’re doing. It’s me that thinks you’re a pitiful excuse for an accountant. 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
2672 New company policy Bill. Going forward, we're doing all prostate exams in-house. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2673 If you're going to insult me, do it right Jerry. I have a HAND up my ass, not a stick. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2674 I hate having to do the boss's dirty work, but you're fired. 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2675 As Trump’s new advisor, I’m going to have to ask you to sign this NDA, or “You’re fired”. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2676 We’ve been let go, but first we have to train our replacements. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2677 I said laminated, Jones! LAMINATED! 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2678 I'm sorry you have to work weekends, but the boss is really on my back about this. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2679 Here’s the schedule for my next non-speaking engagement. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2680 My computer crashed. Thank heaven for my back-up. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2681 When I suggested Office for Dummies, I didn’t mean this. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2682 You’re the puppet! You’re the puppet! Admit it. Sign here. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2683 I have a few small suggestions 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2684 Fake facts -- all of 'em. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2685 Edgar, you tell your puppet that this note from his "carpenter" is not good enough to excuse his absence here today! 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2686 He hates handing out pink slips, but he likes to keep his hand in. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2687 Here's my invoice. I know it's expensive, but he's the only consultant who understands me. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2688 Look, I'm the puppet master here, okay? 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2689 Just sitting in for Bill. You're fired. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56 13 1
2690 What do I look like, a Dummy?!!! 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2691 I'm not a dummy, Jim..hard to miss that your numbers are down again. Read my lips: I better see improvement next month. 1.2143 0.05342 70 56