Contest #604


Cartoon

604


Name Value
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Number of captions
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Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Trust me. One day your portrait will be used as the symbol of a political party even more primitive than we are. 1.8205 0.01805 2095 936 599 560
1 I know what you're thinking -- don't quit hunting and gathering. 1.7951 0.01565 2509 1080 863 566
2 Well, if you want a record of your existence, it’s either this or the tar pits. 1.7870 0.01449 3024 1350 968 706
3 You should have seen my parents when I told them I didn't want to be a hunter OR a gatherer. 1.7854 0.01398 3159 1386 1065 708
4 I'm calling it "The Elephant in the Room" 1.7851 0.01487 2834 1257 929 648
5 It's SUPPOSED to be primitive! 1.7663 0.01578 2358 1032 845 481
6 Don't worry, it's just a cave painting. No one will ever see it. 1.7633 0.01991 1407 598 544 265
7 The drawing is the easy part. It's coming up with a caption that's tough. 1.7571 0.01466 2865 1314 933 618
8 It will be worth more when you're extinct. 1.7553 0.01982 1549 707 514 328
9 How do you know it doesn't look like you? 1.7543 0.01397 3085 1400 1043 642
10 One day you’ll be the symbol of a major political party. So, turn your head, lose all of your perspective, and don’t move one step forward. 1.7421 0.02144 1423 696 398 329
11 As best as I can remember, this is what she looks like. Do you want me to arrange a date or not? 1.7392 0.01954 1507 681 538 288
12 Don't worry - no one will see this in a million years. 1.7342 0.01464 2773 1290 930 553
13 Your nose IS big. 1.7314 0.02098 1385 658 441 286
14 Laugh now, but in a few thousand years people will go nuts for this stuff. 1.7209 0.01922 1501 684 552 265
15 Excuse me, you ARE the elephant in the room. 1.7061 0.02027 1446 704 463 279
16 What do you mean "what is it"? 1.7037 0.02016 1448 704 469 275
17 I AM making your nose look smaller. 1.6957 0.01690 1932 916 688 328
18 Fire is easy. Art is hard. 1.6867 0.01841 1631 786 570 275
19 Stand still...you keep on moving too far to the right. 1.6864 0.02373 1100 567 311 222
20 Of course it’s a nude. 1.6713 0.02572 870 440 276 154
21 You're so vain, you probably think this wall is about you. 1.6683 0.02050 1426 742 415 269
22 Don't worry. I'll make your tusks longer. 1.6617 0.02962 606 298 215 93
23 Primitive? Compared to what? 1.6571 0.01600 2222 1143 698 381
24 No, you will not be extinct before I am done! 1.6501 0.02137 1249 651 384 214
25 OK, I'm done, you can put your clothes back on. 1.6458 0.01850 1728 925 490 313
26 What do you want from me, it's the Ice Age not the Renaissance. 1.6388 0.02089 1218 623 412 183
27 What did you think you looked like? 1.6387 0.01970 1334 673 470 191
28 I think I'll call it 'The elephant in the room' 1.6372 0.01728 1902 1010 572 320
29 Oh don't be such a prima-mastadonna 1.6359 0.02122 1255 666 380 209
30 Don't worry, the cave wall always adds ten pounds. 1.6255 0.02269 1044 549 337 158
31 Quit complaining! You were the one who said you would model for peanuts. 1.6200 0.02087 1200 628 400 172
32 Would it kill you to smile? 1.6190 0.01878 1551 832 478 241
33 What do you mean it looks 'primitive? 1.6173 0.02155 1121 588 374 159
34 Which one of us has an art degree from Pre-Columbia? 1.6143 0.02068 1286 697 388 201
35 Well of course it looks primitive! 1.6084 0.01637 2030 1105 615 310
36 The lighting is perfect. Just don't stamp it out again. 1.6035 0.02300 976 522 319 135
37 You said 'passport sized', right? 1.6007 0.04245 298 163 91 44
38 What do you mean "what is it"? 1.5890 0.02003 1326 737 397 192
39 It's called an emoji. It's going to be huge. 1.5873 0.02356 979 551 281 147
40 Stop being so hard on yourself. You're just big-boned. 1.5844 0.01891 1381 747 461 173
41 Maybe you can work from memory but I can't. 1.5784 0.02147 1129 632 341 156
42 Is this the animal you saw leaving the scene? 1.5764 0.02382 916 514 276 126
43 It’s the first painting ever—cut me some slack. 1.5750 0.02026 1193 653 394 146
44 YES, almost there! You are the BIGGEST! You are the STRONGEST! You are the PROUDEST! Hold that! Love it.......L-O-V-E, LOVE IT! 1.5727 0.02093 1156 645 360 151
45 Everybody's a critic. You've got four legs, a big nose, and you're fat, what am I missing here? 1.5670 0.02164 1074 603 333 138
46 i know it's not realistic, I'm going through a primitive period. 1.5668 0.02128 1071 592 351 128
47 I know it's a little crude, this is my first mammoth undertaking. 1.5616 0.02482 796 446 253 97
48 And this is what you'll look like after surgery. 1.5573 0.02349 951 553 266 132
49 Stop it. We haven’t invented perspective yet. 1.5571 0.02258 937 523 306 108
50 You'll thank me for this when you're extinct. 1.5571 0.02318 937 535 282 120
51 So sometimes, when two elephants love each other very, very much . . . 1.5567 0.02771 706 417 185 104
52 Remember, once you post it, you can’t take it down. 1.5538 0.02250 901 496 311 94
53 You should have gone to the bathroom before I started. 1.5528 0.02412 861 494 258 109
54 You'll look mammoth, once I draw some tiny trees. 1.5519 0.02455 877 516 238 123
55 Yes, very funny. Elephant in the room. I get it. Now can you just hold still? 1.5500 0.02375 860 489 269 102
56 Yes, your tail is that small. 1.5498 0.02362 864 490 273 101
57 OK! This angle does make you look fat! 1.5446 0.02516 762 436 237 89
58 I call it "the elephant in the room". 1.5437 0.02613 800 484 197 119
59 You want me to make you look woollier? 1.5429 0.02392 792 443 268 81
60 I promise, you won't look a day over Pleistocene. 1.5429 0.02497 792 459 236 97
61 Try to look more endangered. 1.5399 0.02415 776 436 261 79
62 Of course it's not perfect. I'm evolving; you're not. 1.5367 0.02612 736 434 209 93
63 I know I can't draw, but I did just invent fire. 1.5330 0.02633 696 406 209 81
64 So I told my folks, I don't want to hunt or gather, I just wanna follow my passion for whatever this thing is that I'm doing. 1.5318 0.02602 707 412 214 81
65 I'm more of a painter-gatherer. 1.5284 0.02668 670 392 202 76
66 Don't worry I will caption it "not actual size." 1.5274 0.02678 658 384 201 73
67 People are gonna to see this ten thousand years from now, and that's the face you wanna make? 1.5272 0.02717 662 392 191 79
68 Good. Hold that pensive look. 1.5250 0.02677 600 339 207 54
69 I look like an animal cracker. 1.5248 0.02868 644 396 158 90
70 So...does this look like the kid who sprayed you. 1.5243 0.02772 639 381 181 77
71 ..No it doesn't make you look fat. 1.5223 0.02800 628 376 176 76
72 'Primitive' is exactly what I'm going for. 1.5205 0.02753 611 358 188 65
73 Calm down! It’s not like anyone is ever going to see it. 1.5197 0.02786 610 361 181 68
74 When I'm done, you can write the caption. 1.5169 0.02898 592 359 160 73
75 Your nose IS big. 1.5163 0.02952 583 357 151 75
76 Cut me some slack! I am still getting used to this opposable thumb. 1.5162 0.02897 587 355 161 71
77 Stand still please ,this is for the top of the Republican memo and I want at least one thing on it to be accurate. 1.5134 0.02997 561 344 146 71
78 I AM addressing the elephant in the room! 1.5132 0.03066 567 356 131 80
79 This is so you don't forget. 1.5132 0.02899 567 340 163 64
80 I asked for fierce, don’t give me pouty. 1.5125 0.02803 560 326 181 53
81 Relax, only my friends can see the pictures I post on my wall. 1.5117 0.03053 555 345 136 74
82 Quit complaining. If you wanna be famous, it's either this, or the tar pit. 1.5117 0.02967 555 337 152 66
83 30,000 years from now you’ll be famous. Now hold still! 1.5114 0.02848 569 338 171 60
84 Now these spear throwers I am about to add - its just a bit of artistic license and nothing for you to be concerned about. 1.5100 0.02994 551 337 147 67
85 No it does not look like an ant eater! 1.5092 0.02917 542 323 162 57
86 They say the cave adds 10 pounds... 1.5083 0.03010 539 329 146 64
87 This will be mammoth! 1.5083 0.03002 541 330 147 64
88 No, I did not make your trunk look small. 1.5083 0.03036 541 333 141 67
89 You'll thank me when you're extinct. 1.5066 0.03102 531 331 131 69
90 And the other restroom will have a lady mammoth 1.5064 0.03025 549 340 140 69
91 Why do you need a passport picture in the first place? 1.5029 0.03154 509 318 126 65
92 Well yes, it is primitive. 1.5029 0.02965 509 303 156 50
93 It’s not my fault, cave drawings always add ten pounds! 1.5000 0.03065 498 303 141 54
94 It'll be worth a lot more once you're extinct. 1.4990 0.03090 501 308 136 57
95 You'll thank me when you're extinct. 1.4990 0.03186 489 305 124 60
96 What do you mean your right side is your best side? 1.4980 0.03047 490 296 144 50
97 It's an aboriginal. 1.4957 0.03241 470 294 119 57
98 Relax, it isn't like anyone will ever see this. 1.4935 0.03258 464 291 117 56
99 Would you like the asteroid strike or the tar pit background? 1.4912 0.03372 456 293 102 61
100 How would you know what you look like? 1.4912 0.03326 454 288 109 57
101 This is no easy tusk. 1.4901 0.03530 453 302 80 71
102 Who said it was supposed to be you? 1.4900 0.03026 449 265 148 36
103 Don't worry, the cave always adds ten pounds. 1.4888 0.03191 448 275 127 46
104 What do you mean, 'two-dimensional'? 1.4888 0.03064 448 267 143 38
105 It's a little primitive, but... 1.4886 0.03233 440 271 123 46
106 Derivative? How is that even possible? 1.4860 0.03321 430 269 113 48
107 All the Mastodons are having their tusks airbrushed out. 1.4849 0.03079 431 256 141 34
108 Can you look a little more vulnerable? This is for my "extinction" series. 1.4849 0.03199 431 263 127 41
109 Fiercer. More anger. You hate me. You want me dead. Good ! 1.4848 0.03391 429 273 104 52
110 Make up your mind - trunk up or trunk down 1.4847 0.03144 425 255 134 36
111 Except, technically you’re not an elephant, and this isn’t a room. 1.4835 0.03185 424 257 129 38
112 How do you expect me to work in these primitive conditions? 1.4824 0.03098 427 255 138 34
113 Okay, you can get dressed and go now. And when you leave, would you ask the guy with the spear to come in? 1.4822 0.03253 421 259 121 41
114 The hard part is to capture the feeling of 'an elephant in the room'. 1.4822 0.03322 421 263 113 45
115 Do you want honesty, or do you want me to take some off the rump? 1.4819 0.03340 415 259 112 44
116 Please try to duplicate the facial expression you had yesterday, Mona. 1.4819 0.03374 415 261 108 46
117 How do you know it doesn't look like you? 1.4819 0.03591 415 274 82 59
118 Frankly, the elevated trunk makes you look younger 1.4806 0.03213 412 250 126 36
119 This is your best side, believe me . 1.4806 0.03250 412 252 122 38
120 Yes, you’ve already mentioned your image adorns the Caves of Lascaux. 1.4805 0.03422 410 260 103 47
121 You know who else complained that it takes too long? That’s right, the dinosaurs. 1.4791 0.03333 407 253 113 41
122 Okay, okay. This time I’ll draw you chasing me. 1.4776 0.03269 402 246 120 36
123 What did you expect? I'm a Neanderthal. 1.4776 0.03250 402 245 122 35
124 I will NOT make you wooly! 1.4775 0.03144 400 238 133 29
125 Couldn't you have done that outside? 1.4774 0.03369 398 248 110 40
126 Did I mention you were my first nude? 1.4774 0.03479 398 254 98 46
127 I'm calling it Plato's Republican. 1.4761 0.03467 397 253 99 45
128 It’s my first nude too. 1.4758 0.03456 393 249 101 43
129 Funding in the arts has really caved since we "made America great again." 1.4758 0.03585 393 256 87 50
130 Don't complain. My last model worked for just peanuts. 1.4745 0.03288 392 240 118 34
131 OK, OK. I'll draw that big, too. 1.4742 0.03352 388 240 112 36
132 What do you mean, "It's derivative?" 1.4704 0.03537 372 237 95 40
133 You're not tiny--you're in the distance. 1.4692 0.03631 373 243 85 45
134 I paint what I see. You want five eyes on sideways, you know where Pablo's cave is. 1.4688 0.03640 369 240 85 44
135 Hold still! Remember, you’re the symbol of the party that took us all back to the Stone Age! 1.4685 0.03628 365 236 87 42
136 No, you don’t look fat in this picture. 1.4685 0.03480 365 229 101 35
137 I'm gonna put feathers on it, just to mess with them. 1.4681 0.03589 376 244 88 44
138 Yes, it’s primitive, but years from now, they’ll love it 1.4677 0.03557 372 239 92 41
139 Relax, no one is ever going to see this. 1.4676 0.03612 370 240 87 43
140 I'm going to paint in some people with spears so nobody knows I let you in here like this." 1.4670 0.03421 364 226 106 32
141 Of course it doesn't look like you. It's an interpretation. 1.4670 0.03421 364 226 106 32
142 They pin the tusks on at the party. 1.4669 0.04122 287 187 66 34
143 Based on your ultrasound this is what you’re baby looks like today. 1.4656 0.03621 363 235 87 41
144 You might like this one. She enjoys long walks on the beach, and, of course, wants a big family. 1.4656 0.03558 363 232 93 38
145 If I had a longer stick we could both be in it. 1.4651 0.03515 372 238 95 39
146 Contrapposto? Not in a million years. 1.4639 0.03356 360 221 111 28
147 The first elphie. 1.4629 0.03562 350 222 94 34
148 May I suggest the economy package. 8x10's for the Grandparents. 5x7's for close family and 3x5's for the herd. 1.4613 0.03380 349 214 109 26
149 So, is this your first trip to Lascaux? 1.4611 0.03490 347 217 100 30
150 You should have thought of that before you agreed to pose nude. 1.4593 0.03744 344 226 78 40
151 Give me a break. I just learned how to make fire. 1.4591 0.03621 342 219 89 34
152 It doesn’t look like much now but wait 50,000 years. 1.4591 0.03574 342 217 93 32
153 Someday, elephant in the room will have a whole new meaning. 1.4565 0.03691 333 215 84 34
154 This way you'll be preserved for thousands of years. But without all the tar. 1.4562 0.03607 331 210 91 30
155 How long were the assailant's tusks? 1.4562 0.03530 331 207 97 27
156 I suppose you want longer tusks? 1.4562 0.03451 331 204 103 24
157 More pouty. 1.4545 0.03589 330 209 92 29
158 What do you mean "your good side"? 1.4545 0.03764 330 216 78 36
159 Yes - your ass really looks that big. 1.4540 0.03682 337 219 83 35
160 Oh, great, the first critic. 1.4537 0.03529 324 202 97 25
161 Yes, you are the elephant in the room. 1.4527 0.03674 338 220 83 35
162 I'm glad you're ash gray. That's the only color I've got. 1.4520 0.03798 323 212 76 35
163 How do you feel about becoming a symbol for a group of assholes? 1.4520 0.04114 323 225 50 48
164 And here we have a rendering of what you'll look like after the tusk reduction surgery. 1.4511 0.03850 317 209 73 35
165 Trust me, no one will ever see it. 1.4511 0.03798 317 207 77 33
166 Sure, it's small but one day you'll be considered mammoth. 1.4511 0.03439 317 194 103 20
167 You claimed I didn't know what I was doing when I mastered fire either. 1.4494 0.03858 316 209 72 35
168 You don't charge. I don't charge. That's the deal. 1.4494 0.03753 316 205 80 31
169 I know it's primitive, I'm a Neanderthal. 1.4487 0.03732 312 201 82 29
170 You really think anyone's going to care in 10,000 years how big your tusks look? 1.4487 0.03841 312 205 74 33
171 Would it kill you to smile? 1.4484 0.03886 310 205 71 34
172 Oh, I’m no Picasso? Well, you’re no Babar. 1.4481 0.03850 308 202 74 32
173 Okay, okay. So now we ARE addressing the elephant in the room. 1.4444 0.03836 297 193 76 28
174 Jenna, the smartest elephant in her herd, endures the first known instance of mansplaining. 1.4430 0.04110 298 204 56 38
175 I know what you are thinking. It looks cartoonish. 1.4430 0.03884 298 196 72 30
176 Whad'ya say we add an extra horn just to keep them guessing? 1.4426 0.03903 296 195 71 30
177 Hold that pose, the light off the advancing ice sheet is just perfect! 1.4426 0.03814 296 192 77 27
178 Is there anything else that comes to mind about the perpetrator? 1.4411 0.03922 297 197 69 31
179 Maybe this doesn't look like you but your party doesn't look like you anymore. 1.4407 0.04085 295 201 58 36
180 Because a man gets lonely, Sheila, that’s why! 1.4407 0.03822 295 192 76 27
181 Hold still and don't sneeze. 1.4407 0.03882 295 194 72 29
182 This will be worth millions once you are extinct. 1.4407 0.03792 295 191 78 26
183 I know. It's not my best. At least it won't be up there forever. 1.4407 0.03852 295 193 74 28
184 The little arrows? Don't worry, they're purely decorative. 1.4407 0.03852 295 193 74 28
185 This is the first baby picture I took of you 1.4403 0.03654 293 185 87 21
186 I'm leaving off the tusks for your own protection. 1.4394 0.03940 289 191 69 29
187 I'll never finish my masterpiece, "Under the Tusk and Sun" if you keep blocking my light! 1.4388 0.03769 294 190 79 25
188 It may not look like much now, but give it 10,000 years! 1.4388 0.03831 294 192 75 27
189 Relax, this is just my rough draft. No one's going to see this. 1.4388 0.03831 294 192 75 27
190 I'm calling this the Mammoth Lisa 1.4375 0.03949 288 191 68 29
191 Less toothy. 1.4375 0.04215 288 200 50 38
192 No one thinks tusk size has any correlation to that. 1.4375 0.03918 288 190 70 28
193 I had to use ashes, spit and berries...it'll never last. 1.4375 0.03695 288 183 84 21
194 No, I didn't go to art school. Did you go to elephant school? 1.4366 0.03697 284 180 84 20
195 Yes, you have to be naked. 1.4357 0.03834 280 181 76 23
196 I’m still not sure about the pearl earring. 1.4355 0.04079 287 195 59 33
197 Fine, I'll leave out the guys with spears. 1.4332 0.03759 277 177 80 20
198 Your kin will be the mascots for an extinct political party in a less evolved society. 1.4332 0.04279 277 193 48 36
199 You won't be offended if I depict myself chasing you with a spear. 1.4327 0.03982 275 182 67 26
200 Are you sure you only want the wallet sizes? 1.4307 0.03428 267 161 97 9
201 Now point to where he touched you. 1.4301 0.04113 272 184 59 29
202 'I can give you hair – no one's going to know for sure.' 1.4301 0.04113 272 184 59 29
203 To document our elephant in the room. 1.4301 0.03875 272 177 73 22
204 OK , in this scene we will be hunting you. Can you give me your scared face? 1.4291 0.04157 268 182 57 29
205 Simple? Yes, but primitive sells. 1.4286 0.04111 266 179 60 27
206 Lighten up. One day you won't be fat, you'll be mammoth. 1.4280 0.04203 264 180 55 29
207 Smile, this one's for the ages. 1.4280 0.04099 264 177 61 26
208 Of course it doesn't look like you! I'm an Impressionist! 1.4275 0.04191 262 178 56 28
209 Come on, think.... We'll never get her back if you can't remember more details! 1.4270 0.03959 267 176 68 23
210 Five more minutes and you can put the robe back on. 1.4259 0.03660 263 165 84 14
211 All I have is gray. 1.4253 0.03986 261 172 67 22
212 Okay, now what's the caption? 1.4253 0.04095 261 175 61 25
213 Trust me, this is a better way to be frozen in time. 1.4247 0.03077 259 149 110 0
214 It's a cartoon. Say something funny and I'll write it underneath. 1.4247 0.04007 259 171 66 22
215 No, you won't be extinct before I finish! 1.4247 0.04154 259 175 58 26
216 You seem tense. Is this the first time you’ve posed nude? 1.4247 0.04260 259 178 52 29
217 But you are fat. 1.4247 0.03893 259 168 72 19
218 Someday you'll become a symbol of political corruption and everyone will want to know where it all began. 1.4242 0.04234 264 182 52 30
219 Yes, your nose is that big. 1.4237 0.04083 262 176 61 25
220 It’s very post-neanderthal 1.4221 0.03888 263 172 71 20
221 You really want to make that face? This might be on the wall for some time. 1.4219 0.03961 256 168 68 20
222 I said, 'Listen, Dad, there's more to life than just hunting and gathering.' 1.4211 0.04101 247 164 62 21
223 I have an exhibit opening upriver at Lascaux next month. 1.4211 0.03853 247 158 74 15
224 I can’t pay you but it’ll be great exposure! 1.4206 0.04082 252 168 62 22
225 Mind if I make it more dramatic and draw myself as hunting you? 1.4194 0.04245 248 169 54 25
226 Can you give me an enigmatic smile? 1.4187 0.03947 246 160 69 17
227 Yes Mr. President, your tusks will be bigger than your predecessors. 1.4187 0.04270 246 168 53 25
228 I'm telling ya, this IS your good side. 1.4180 0.04073 256 172 61 23
229 Yeah, extinction sucks. But cave art is forever. 1.4163 0.03738 245 155 78 12
230 Because you ARE fat! 1.4163 0.04319 245 169 50 26
231 No I can't give you an enigmatic smile. 1.4163 0.03956 245 160 68 17
232 It's the best I can do under such primative circumstances. 1.4160 0.04164 238 159 59 20
233 In a thousand years, no one will care what you actually looked like. 1.4156 0.04020 243 160 65 18
234 It's an ELEPHANT... how could you not GET that! 1.4156 0.04345 243 168 49 26
235 Yes, I do think it captures your "inner mastodon"! 1.4153 0.03922 236 152 70 14
236 I'm working as fast as I can. This is a mammoth undertaking. 1.4149 0.04042 241 159 64 18
237 Noah suggested we leave pictures of anyone not planning to meet him at the ark tomorrow. 1.4142 0.03797 239 152 75 12
238 Of course it's 'primitive!' 1.4142 0.04108 239 159 61 19
239 ... And this is you after rhinoplasty. 1.4142 0.04357 239 165 49 25
240 How do you know you don't look exactly like this? 1.4142 0.04065 239 158 63 18
241 I promise. I'll make the tusks really big. 1.4142 0.04317 239 164 51 24
242 Evidence that early media was biased towards Republicans 1.4142 0.04477 239 168 43 28
243 What do you mean, “this is taking ages”? 1.4142 0.04234 239 162 55 22
244 No picture, no boarding. Direct orders from Noah. 1.4128 0.04451 235 164 45 26
245 We should also post your likes, dislikes, hobbies...looking to settle down, or just want to have some fun? 1.4120 0.04396 233 161 48 24
246 Try to look more Paleolithic... 1.4113 0.03576 231 142 83 6
247 Again, could you just try to look a little more wooly and, you know, mammoth? 1.4113 0.03780 231 146 75 10
248 Everybody wants bigger tusks! 1.4110 0.04395 236 164 47 25
249 Be patient...this is a mammoth undertaking. 1.4095 0.04146 232 155 59 18
250 Well if your memory is so great, why don't you draw her? 1.4095 0.04190 232 156 57 19
251 Yes, Thag. I'm adding the tusks, and yes, they'll be "the biggest ones anyone has ever seen." Geez, you'd think this was a presidential portrait. 1.4095 0.04533 232 164 41 27
252 Yes it's primitive. I suppose that's to be expected. 1.4093 0.03620 237 148 81 8
253 Don't move, and don't go extinct on me. 1.4093 0.04128 237 159 59 19
254 No you're not adopted. Look, here's a picture of you when we brought you home. 1.4087 0.04348 230 158 50 22
255 Goose me one more time, and I'm outta here! 1.4087 0.04644 230 165 36 29
256 Yes, you really look like this. 1.4087 0.04078 230 152 62 16
257 Fine! I'll make it bigger! 1.4087 0.04031 230 151 64 15
258 It does NOT make you look like a mammoth. 1.4087 0.04304 230 157 52 21
259 I'll have you know that I trained at Lascaux. 1.4087 0.04435 230 160 46 24
260 Now move your legs like you're running. 1.4085 0.04063 235 156 62 17
261 Yes, your nose is that big. 1.4085 0.04152 235 158 58 19
262 You can wear the pearl earrings next time. 1.4085 0.04365 235 163 48 24
263 I don't care what Adam named you; I'm calling you Babar. 1.4079 0.04195 228 153 57 18
264 Make your best "I'm about to go extinct" face. 1.4079 0.04148 228 152 59 17
265 This is going to be prehistoric! 1.4079 0.04591 228 162 39 27
266 No, I don’t think they look too small. 1.4079 0.03859 228 146 71 11
267 I think the small tusks make you look younger. 1.4079 0.04240 228 154 55 19
268 Don't be silly. The cave wall always adds 10 extra pounds. 1.4076 0.04114 238 160 59 19
269 I can have it ready in about an hour but copies will run you extra. 1.4071 0.03829 226 144 72 10
270 Give me that faraway look 1.4069 0.04333 231 159 50 22
271 If you say "primitive" one more time . . . 1.4068 0.04224 236 161 54 21
272 Primitive, I know! What do you expect? 1.4068 0.04224 236 161 54 21
273 Yes I will make your tusks look mammoth 1.4068 0.04350 236 164 48 24
274 Is "Ceci n'est Pas Un Mammoth" too pretentious? 1.4054 0.04223 222 149 56 17
275 Yes I smell it, very funny. 1.4054 0.04126 222 147 60 15
276 I won't charge if you don't. 1.4053 0.04431 227 158 46 23
277 A little to the right, please? Oh, I see... you're about as far right as an elephant can be. 1.4045 0.04100 220 145 61 14
278 Thanks for posing for me...and don't worry about what 'menu' means. 1.4037 0.04516 218 152 44 22
279 Yes, it is supposed to look like it was painted by a caveman. 1.4036 0.04208 223 150 56 17
280 Primitive? I call it contemporary. 1.4027 0.04424 221 153 47 21
281 Tusks down, just a little and try to look coquettish. 1.4027 0.04168 226 152 57 17
282 Let's screw with their heads a few thousand years from now and give you a sombrero! 1.4020 0.04637 204 142 42 20
283 Because, not everyone has your kind of memory. 1.4018 0.04309 219 149 52 18
284 ...and they’ll use a donkey for the Democrats! 1.4018 0.04591 219 155 40 24
285 Mammoth, Mastodon....whatever....you all look pretty much the same on a cave wall. 1.4018 0.04160 219 146 58 15
286 Okay, okay, I'll make your tusks larger 1.4009 0.04336 217 148 51 18
287 I know it’s primitive, but I’m still evolving as an artist. 1.4009 0.04528 217 152 43 22
288 I work in miniatures. I thought you knew that when you hired me. 1.4009 0.04082 217 143 61 13
289 In ten thousand years, no one will care what you looked like. 1.4009 0.04059 227 151 61 15
290 This is going to blow those hand prints out of the water. 1.4000 0.04702 200 140 40 20
291 Show me where he touched you. 1.3981 0.04541 216 152 42 22
292 Well, the wall adds 10 pounds. 1.3972 0.04273 214 145 53 16
293 Why the long face? 1.3972 0.04375 214 147 49 18
294 Honestly, in 30,000 years who will know the difference? 1.3972 0.04375 214 147 49 18
295 I've decided it's time to address the elephant in the room. 1.3971 0.04237 209 140 55 14
296 You're my biggest commission to date. 1.3971 0.04014 209 136 63 10
297 A little less long in the tooth? 1.3971 0.04397 209 143 49 17
298 It's not supposed to look just like you. It's Art! 1.3971 0.03393 209 126 83 0
299 Yes, your nose does look like that. 1.3963 0.04077 217 144 60 13
300 I'm not a cave painter, I'm a cave artist. 1.3962 0.04141 212 141 58 13
301 Wouldn't a caption kind of ruin it? 1.3962 0.04248 212 143 54 15
302 Trust me, this will be worth a lot more when you're extinct. 1.3962 0.04248 212 143 54 15
303 I paint what I see. 1.3962 0.04195 212 142 56 14
304 What...? You said I could post this! 1.3962 0.04032 212 139 62 11
305 Call me a dreamer, but one day this image will represent cutting taxes and blaming immigrants. 1.3962 0.04650 212 151 38 23
306 Okay, you can put your clothes back on. 1.3962 0.04453 212 147 46 19
307 Move again and I'll add feathers. 1.3953 0.04601 215 153 39 23
308 It's post-modern, but not yet. 1.3953 0.04408 215 149 47 19
309 No, I'm not adding "a little extra girth" to the trunk 1.3953 0.04408 215 149 47 19
310 No, I can't make you look thinner. 1.3952 0.04483 210 146 45 19
311 I’d like to leave off the tusks just to create some buzz with the Paleoanthropologists. 1.3952 0.04167 210 140 57 13
312 Okay, now does this look like the one who started the stampede? 1.3944 0.04335 213 146 50 17
313 When you go extinct, the price will go through the roof. 1.3942 0.04461 208 144 46 18
314 Actually, the singular is 'graffito' 1.3942 0.04355 208 142 50 16
315 hold still, this one is for the Ages 1.3942 0.04355 208 142 50 16
316 Just relax. You won't be here much longer. 1.3942 0.04564 208 146 42 20
317 Eh... Can you make my trunk look a little bigger? 1.3942 0.04355 208 142 50 16
318 You're not the only one who's working for peanuts. 1.3942 0.04461 208 144 46 18
319 I'm sorry, but the wall adds 10 pounds. 1.3942 0.04247 208 140 54 14
320 Images on the wall may appear smaller than they actually are. 1.3942 0.04461 208 144 46 18
321 Waddaya mean,'The nose is too big'? 1.3941 0.04318 203 137 52 14
322 Whaddaya mean, you don't remember? 1.3935 0.04242 216 147 53 16
323 *not drawn to scale* 1.3934 0.03751 211 134 71 6
324 What do mean your nose looks big? 1.3932 0.04697 206 147 37 22
325 Adding a caption would ruin it! 1.3922 0.03763 204 129 70 5
326 I'm just saying, it's hard to focus when there's an elephant in the room. 1.3911 0.04329 202 137 51 14
327 Now I’ll never forget you, either. 1.3911 0.04272 202 136 53 13
328 Prehistoric Police Sketch Artist - "Did he have any scars or tattoos that you remember?" 1.3911 0.04155 202 134 57 11
329 Not cave painter, cave artist. 1.3911 0.04329 202 137 51 14
330 I call it, "Elephant in the Room." 1.3911 0.04711 202 144 37 21
331 You are fat. I'm not "making" you look fat! 1.3900 0.04472 200 138 46 16
332 Hold still. This is for the ages! 1.3900 0.04583 200 140 42 18
333 It's hard to think of something else to draw when there's an elephant in the room. 1.3900 0.04583 200 140 42 18
334 The cave always adds ten pounds. 1.3900 0.04527 200 139 44 17
335 It is a design for a cracker. 1.3900 0.04744 200 143 36 21
336 Is this the guy who gave you trouble this morning? 1.3889 0.04502 198 137 45 16
337 Give me that, 'I'm going extinct', pouty look.> 1.3889 0.04208 198 132 55 11
338 Would you mind if I stuck a couple of spears in you, just for dynamic effect? 1.3889 0.04502 198 137 45 16
339 I'll admit that fire was a little more impressive. 1.3883 0.04156 206 138 56 12
340 I can't pay you, but think about all the exposure you'll get. 1.3881 0.04105 201 133 58 10
341 Don't worry, this will make you look 10,000 years younger. 1.3881 0.04564 201 141 42 18
342 Wall adds ten pounds. 1.3881 0.04725 201 144 36 21
343 And I promise you, when I'm finished, everyone will be talking about the elephant in the room. 1.3881 0.04564 201 141 42 18
344 Does this look like the guy who ran off with your mate? 1.3881 0.04283 201 136 52 13
345 ....so the elephant said to the naked man, "How do you breathe through that thing?" 1.3881 0.04397 201 138 48 15
346 Goose me one more time, and I'm erasing your picture. 1.3881 0.04672 201 143 38 20
347 This painting will be one for the ages. 1.3858 0.04339 197 134 50 13
348 ...Okay mammoth done. Guys with the spears ... you're up! 1.3858 0.04278 197 133 52 12
349 See? I airbrushed them out. Happy now? 1.3846 0.04427 195 134 47 14
350 It's called primitive, and some day people will pay big bucks for it. 1.3846 0.04487 195 135 45 15
351 How many times do I have to explain to you tht I am not trying to ensure the success of the hunt. I am only capturing my impressions of the transitory nature of existence. 1.3846 0.03853 195 125 65 5
352 Give me softer eyes, a far-away look of longing 1.3846 0.04427 195 134 47 14
353 Sorry, the cave wall adds 10 tons. 1.3846 0.04827 195 141 33 21
354 I cropped the nose and edited out those unsightly growths. I call it "protoshop." 1.3846 0.04772 195 140 35 20
355 I think I'll call it art. 1.3834 0.04335 193 131 50 12
356 It hasn't caught on yet, but I predict that pretty soon everyone will be talking about The Elephant in the Room. 1.3834 0.04457 193 133 46 14
357 In this one should I have you chasing us or us hunting you? 1.3822 0.04549 191 133 43 15
358 It is not... truncated! And stop with the new words! 1.3822 0.04426 191 131 47 13
359 'Could you make me look mammoth?' 1.3817 0.03884 186 119 63 4
360 Yes, I realize a cold cave causes shrinkage. 1.3817 0.04172 186 123 55 8
361 It makes you look fat because you are. 1.3817 0.03808 186 118 65 3
362 You're not fat. The paint brush adds ten pounds. 1.3810 0.04457 189 130 46 13
363 "I draw like a caveman?! 1.3810 0.04642 189 133 40 16
364 Trust me, you’ll be famous in 35,000 years. 1.3810 0.04702 189 134 38 17
365 Why, yes, you are Rubenesque. 1.3810 0.04581 189 132 42 15
366 Now, how many wallet-size are you gonna need? 1.3810 0.04702 189 134 38 17
367 Paint in color? Forget it. The New Yorker won't go there for at least another 12 million years. 1.3807 0.04450 197 137 45 15
368 Who knows, maybe this will be worth something in 10,000 years. 1.3797 0.04676 187 132 39 16
369 Norman Rockwall. 1.3797 0.04737 187 133 37 17
370 I’m just posting on my wall, did you want me to tag you? 1.3797 0.04737 187 133 37 17
371 One more move, and someone’s gonna wish he was extinct. 1.3797 0.04291 187 126 51 10
372 Trust me, this is your best side 1.3797 0.04737 187 133 37 17
373 The good news is I've invented the fresco. The bad news is you can't take it home." 1.3797 0.04357 187 127 49 11
374 Now give me that enigmatic smile. 1.3791 0.04368 182 123 49 10
375 Draw you with big ears, flying? Not in a million years! 1.3791 0.04437 182 124 47 11
376 Hold still..!! It's either this or being frozen in a glacier..!! 1.3791 0.04766 182 129 37 16
377 Just wait. One day, it'll be worth a thousand words. 1.3784 0.04251 185 124 52 9
378 It's a free interpretation of your stature. Nothing is written in stone, you know. 1.3777 0.04594 188 132 41 15
379 So who made you an art critic? 1.3770 0.04617 183 128 41 14
380 Nobody likes a critic. 1.3770 0.04681 183 129 39 15
381 Yes, it's supposed to be you. 1.3770 0.04551 183 127 43 13
382 Hold still! This may be the only reminder that the GOP once existed and used to stand for something ! 1.3770 0.04617 183 128 41 14
383 Now, ma’am, are you certain this is the mammoth that assaulted you? 1.3770 0.04870 183 132 33 18
384 You'll thank me for this once you become extinct. 1.3770 0.04551 183 127 43 13
385 People will talk about my 'Elephant in the Room' for epochs to come. 1.3770 0.04870 183 132 33 18
386 Do you want on the Ark or not? 1.3770 0.04485 183 126 45 12
387 Well yes, literally I suppose my art is primitive 1.3770 0.04745 183 130 37 16
388 Yes, I can make your nose smaller, but it won't look like you. 1.3763 0.04093 186 123 56 7
389 I'm better with herds. 1.3763 0.03799 186 119 64 3
390 I can't pay you anything, but this is great exposure for you. 1.3763 0.03949 186 121 60 5
391 What did you expect? It's primitive art. 1.3763 0.04368 186 127 48 11
392 No! Your butt does not look Mammoth. 1.3763 0.04563 186 130 42 14
393 They were called Republicans and you are the last one! 1.3763 0.04811 186 134 34 18
394 I’m hoping for my 15,000 years of fame. 1.3757 0.04584 181 126 42 13
395 I'm not writing 'not to scale'. 1.3757 0.04448 181 124 46 11
396 What, you and the donkey can't even be in the same room together? 1.3757 0.04650 181 127 40 14
397 The incisions would leave minimal scarring, and the resulting symmetry could accentuate your main feature. 1.3757 0.04780 181 129 36 16
398 To identify the suspect, I'll need more details than "un-wolly" and "non-mamothly". 1.3757 0.04650 181 127 40 14
399 You have a very extinct look. 1.3757 0.04584 181 126 42 13
400 Then what happened? 1.3757 0.04907 181 131 32 18
401 It's hard copy–it will last for years. 1.3757 0.04584 181 126 42 13
402 Carl, I know your eyes are green but all we have is brown, beige, and darker brown 1.3757 0.04378 181 123 48 10
403 I hear you. But I am a miniaturist. 1.3757 0.04516 181 125 44 12
404 This really is your best side. 1.3757 0.04516 181 125 44 12
405 You call that a smile? 1.3757 0.04378 181 123 48 10
406 Primitive? I'd like to see you do any better! 1.3757 0.04448 181 124 46 11
407 Based on your description does this look like the beast that attacked you? 1.3757 0.04716 181 128 38 15
408 Listen, they asked for a mastodon, but if you can't hold a pose, I know plenty of mammoths who would kill for this gig. 1.3757 0.04650 181 127 40 14
409 In summary, our new ad campaign with take the GOP into the Stone Age. 1.3757 0.04716 181 128 38 15
410 Were you able to get a look at his tusks? 1.3757 0.05031 181 133 28 20
411 I did not say you look pale. I said you look Paleo. 1.3750 0.04596 184 129 41 14
412 Trust me. You're gonna be huge. 1.3750 0.04660 184 130 39 15
413 It's called a portrait. If you drew it, it would be called a self-portrait. 1.3750 0.04660 184 130 39 15
414 Don't move! We need to leave proof that we existed. 1.3750 0.04596 184 129 41 14
415 Listen, Babar - Celeste is my model, period. There's nothing between us. 1.3743 0.04543 187 131 42 14
416 It's abstract art. Don't take it personally. 1.3743 0.04076 187 124 56 7
417 It's your baby picture. 1.3736 0.04629 182 128 40 14
418 Hold still. I need to get this done before you go extinct. 1.3736 0.04629 182 128 40 14
419 Trust me, the clubbing, spearing, and stone throwing that I am about to draw is for artistic effect only. 1.3736 0.04496 182 126 44 12
420 Got it? Now you draw me. 1.3710 0.04619 186 132 39 15
421 What else can you tell me about him?! 1.3710 0.04681 186 133 37 16
422 Now remember. The kids can only look at this for an hour while their mother and I are out. 1.3710 0.04426 186 129 45 12
423 You should leave, I’m going to start painting in the hunters and I don’t want to ruin the ending for you. 1.3710 0.04619 186 132 39 15
424 I know it doesn't look like you but who's gonna know that in 50,000 years. 1.3708 0.04698 178 126 38 14
425 Do you want the dung pile in or out? 1.3699 0.04792 173 123 36 14
426 Hold Still! I'd like to get this done before you go extinct!! 1.3693 0.04594 176 123 41 12
427 Don't worry, no one will ever see this! 1.3693 0.04664 176 124 39 13
428 I don't know how to make you look sexier than this. You're already completely naked. 1.3693 0.04522 176 122 43 11
429 Okay, I've removed the wrinkles. Satisfied? 1.3693 0.04664 176 124 39 13
430 Give me your best "I just trampled a Neanderthal" look 1.3693 0.04069 176 116 55 5
431 Will you hold still? I'm trying to finish before you go extinct. 1.3693 0.04801 176 126 35 15
432 OK. Let’s try one with the furry sweater. 1.3693 0.04664 176 124 39 13
433 Of course the cave wall adds some pounds 1.3693 0.04522 176 122 43 11
434 This is post prehistoric realism man. A protest against the materialistic trade in ivory. A crime whose time is yet to come. Also, I can’t do horns. They’re too curvy. 1.3693 0.03822 176 113 61 2
435 It's called contemporary art. 1.3693 0.04868 176 127 33 16
436 If you say, "You paint like a Neanderthal" one more time... 1.3693 0.04801 176 126 35 15
437 Give me fierce but also extinct. 1.3678 0.04838 174 125 34 15
438 Unless you want to be remembered for that double chin, keep your tusks up like I told you. 1.3678 0.04699 174 123 38 13
439 This will be worth a lot more when you're extinct. 1.3678 0.04482 174 120 44 10
440 It's art. No one will think you were actually this size. 1.3678 0.04699 174 123 38 13
441 The art world will call this huge, no, mammoth! 1.3678 0.04628 174 122 40 12
442 No. It's only a selfie if you draw it. 1.3669 0.04491 169 116 44 9
443 OK, sure it's a little rough, but you forget I'm a primitive artist! 1.3669 0.04165 169 112 52 5
444 Yes, I’ll make your tusks look big 1.3669 0.04794 169 120 36 13
445 You are indeed my main source of food and clothing, but please do not underestimate your value as my muse. 1.3663 0.04588 172 120 41 11
446 This is one for the ages! 1.3663 0.04438 172 118 45 9
447 Now I'm just going to add a happy little tree right here 1.3663 0.04945 172 125 31 16
448 If I win this round I can go to Lascaux. 1.3663 0.04945 172 125 31 16
449 C’mon, it’ll be worth a thousand words when they invent the alphabet! 1.3663 0.04202 172 115 51 6
450 I really think this one will go down in pre-history. 1.3663 0.04734 172 122 37 13
451 No, the picture does not make you look fat. 1.3663 0.04806 172 123 35 14
452 When I said you can take a bathroom break, I didn't mean RIGHT HERE! 1.3663 0.04806 172 123 35 14
453 Try to show more vulnerability. 1.3663 0.04806 172 123 35 14
454 I swear if you say "Tusk, tusk" just one more time. . . 1.3663 0.04806 172 123 35 14
455 We'll try again. This time don't blink! 1.3663 0.04945 172 125 31 16
456 And this is your baby picture. 1.3663 0.04806 172 123 35 14
457 And despite what you've heard, no, I do not sleep with my models. 1.3653 0.04361 167 113 47 7
458 So who went extinct and made you an art critic? 1.3653 0.04523 167 115 43 9
459 Cave drawings always add ten pounds. 1.3653 0.04105 167 110 53 4
460 Oh, so now everybody's an art critic. 1.3653 0.04756 167 118 37 12
461 When you’re wise beyond your ears, smaller ones are better. 1.3647 0.04985 170 124 30 16
462 Wait, you wanted it to scale? 1.3647 0.04697 170 120 38 12
463 You're so vain, you probably think this painting's about you. 1.3647 0.04697 170 120 38 12
464 Well, its supposed to be primitive! 1.3647 0.04391 170 116 46 8
465 What do you mean you can't remember? 1.3647 0.04771 170 121 36 13
466 I see your trunk has fallen. Do we need a break? 1.3647 0.04697 170 120 38 12
467 I know you're bigger than this. I'm drawing how you look from far away. 1.3647 0.03796 170 109 60 1
468 No, I would describe it as 'big-boned'. 1.3647 0.04697 170 120 38 12
469 Honestly, I’m just screwing with future archeologists. 1.3647 0.04914 170 123 32 15
470 Can you do that mysterious but alluring half-smile for me again? 1.3647 0.04914 170 123 32 15
471 Thousands of years from now people will pay to see this. 1.3647 0.04771 170 121 36 13
472 Because you ARE fat! 1.3647 0.04622 170 119 40 11
473 "Are you familiar with primitivism? 1.3647 0.04146 170 113 52 5
474 My goal is to decorate this whole cave space. It will be a mammoth project. 1.3647 0.04697 170 120 38 12
475 Did the suspect have tusks? 1.3647 0.04914 170 123 32 15
476 Don't be such a primadonna; in 3 million years no one is going to care how fat you look. 1.3647 0.04622 170 119 40 11
477 Oh, come on, who cares if your nose is crooked? It's not like anyone's ever going to see this. 1.3631 0.03998 168 110 55 3
478 It's my mastopiece. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
479 Can you give me a pose that says hunted to extinction? 1.3631 0.05096 168 124 27 17
480 Don't get too pleased with yourself. I've got a donkey coming in right after you. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
481 I need you to stand still! My memory is not as good as yours. 1.3631 0.04733 168 119 37 12
482 You're the perfect model. You never forget an appointment and you work for peanuts. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
483 Don't look so petrified. 1.3631 0.04954 168 122 31 15
484 No no, you look great! The wall adds a few pounds. 1.3631 0.04501 168 116 43 9
485 Just stand still. This portrait will be one for the ages. 1.3631 0.04501 168 116 43 9
486 Sorry, but that’s what you look like !!! 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
487 Don't move. We haven't invented perspective yet. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
488 I know they're missing - just want to mess with some archeologists a few million years from now. 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
489 Look, this is cave painting; I don't care which art academy you went to. 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
490 I'll tell you, this was a heck of a lot easier than that damn saber-tooth. 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
491 You are the worst at Pictionary. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
492 Let's hurry this up, I've got the sabertooth tiger coming at dusk. 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
493 Ya, and you’re no Mona Lisa. 1.3631 0.04954 168 122 31 15
494 Sorry, the wall adds 10 pounds. 1.3631 0.04881 168 121 33 14
495 If you don't stop moving, we'll never be done. 1.3631 0.04501 168 116 43 9
496 OK, OK, I'll make them bigger. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
497 Hold still. It's hard to erase. 1.3631 0.04580 168 117 41 10
498 I promise. No men with spears. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
499 In a million years from now no one will even know it was you. 1.3631 0.04733 168 119 37 12
500 I'm going through a minimalist phase. 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
501 Stop complaining. All my models are naked. 1.3631 0.04657 168 118 39 11
502 Don't worry - no one's ever going to see it. 1.3631 0.04580 168 117 41 10
503 It's not supposed to be life-sized. 1.3631 0.04422 168 115 45 8
504 Hold still. Hannibal says you have to leave in an hour. 1.3626 0.04525 171 119 42 10
505 I might not be da Vinci, but you're no Mona Lisa. 1.3620 0.04248 163 109 49 5
506 A longer trunk will make you look old. 1.3614 0.04286 166 112 48 6
507 You have very extinct features. 1.3614 0.04920 166 120 32 14
508 Yea that's pretty much what he looked like, he was also wearing a knit cap. 1.3614 0.04846 166 119 34 13
509 Okay, you can put your robe back on now. 1.3614 0.04770 166 118 36 12
510 So she called you a wooly mammoth. My wife calls me a hairy beast. 1.3609 0.05139 169 126 25 18
511 ... and stop calling me Masta' Don 1.3609 0.03980 169 111 55 3
512 There. I made it smaller. Are you happy now? 1.3609 0.04320 169 115 47 7
513 I'm not appreciated in my own time either. 1.3598 0.04401 164 112 45 7
514 Alright already, I’ll make them bigger! 1.3598 0.04485 164 113 43 8
515 One day everyone will have an emotional support animal. 1.3598 0.04485 164 113 43 8
516 Whaddaya mean I made you look fat? 1.3588 0.04612 170 120 39 11
517 Don't worry, nothing is to scale. 1.3580 0.04432 162 111 44 7
518 Hold that smile. 1.3580 0.04924 162 117 32 13
519 Objects on the wall may appear smaller than they really are. 1.3580 0.04766 162 115 36 11
520 Some of us remember things by writing them down. 1.3580 0.04924 162 117 32 13
521 My day job is a hunter-gatherer. 1.3580 0.04256 162 109 48 5
522 Yes, I think I captured your sense of ennui. 1.3580 0.05152 162 120 26 16
523 It's called 'Instagrammoth' 1.3571 0.04577 154 106 41 7
524 Before you vanish from the face of the earth, hold still for heaven's sake. 1.3571 0.04759 154 108 37 9
525 Make up your mind, trunk out or trunk down? 1.3567 0.04609 157 109 40 8
526 This is going to blow their minds - nobody's done anything but hand prints before. 1.3567 0.04519 157 108 42 7
527 This is the first painting in history, the least you could do is smile. 1.3567 0.04783 157 111 36 10
528 THIS is what you mate with. Okay? 1.3567 0.04951 157 113 32 12
529 Yes, it’s a nude, but it’s tasteful. 1.3562 0.04375 160 109 45 6
530 I may not know who this "Rembrandt" is, but I can detect sarcasm. 1.3562 0.04721 160 113 37 10
531 Listen Ralph...the tusks are the hardest part... 1.3558 0.04495 163 113 42 8
532 Yes, your ears really are that small. 1.3558 0.04821 163 117 34 12
533 Could you give me more of a pre-extinction expression? 1.3548 0.03963 155 101 53 1
534 Now pretend you've got a spear in your side. 1.3548 0.04992 155 112 31 12
535 Don't be alarmed, but now I'm going to bring in some guys with spears. 1.3544 0.05085 158 116 28 14
536 What's a republican? 1.3544 0.04842 158 113 34 11
537 Stop evolving and stand still! 1.3540 0.04442 161 111 43 7
538 Yes, yes, of course -- I'll make your tusks look really HUGE. 1.3540 0.04442 161 111 43 7
539 It's not SUPPOSED to be realistic. I'm a primitive painter. 1.3540 0.04778 161 115 35 11
540 What do you mean, you look bloated? 1.3540 0.05016 161 118 29 14
541 ...so when a mommy elephant and a daddy elephant love each other very much... 1.3540 0.05016 161 118 29 14
542 But you ARE big boned. 1.3540 0.04859 161 116 33 12
543 It will be worth more when you're extinct. 1.3537 0.04796 164 118 34 12
544 Just think, your descendants will be the symbol of the Republican party. 1.3537 0.04873 164 119 32 13
545 I'm calling it "The Elephant in the Room" 1.3537 0.04796 164 118 34 12
546 Try to look more extinct. 1.3537 0.04556 164 115 40 9
547 Say something funny, we'll invent the cartoon. 1.3537 0.04796 164 118 34 12
548 It'll be worth more when you're dead. 1.3526 0.05129 156 115 27 14
549 What do you men"truncated'? 1.3526 0.04343 156 106 45 5
550 I have a feeling that people will appreciate my work only after I'm dead. 1.3526 0.04620 156 109 39 8
551 You be thinking of a caption while I add the finishing touches. 1.3526 0.04709 156 110 37 9
552 Poking me with those things isn't going to make this go any faster 1.3526 0.04881 156 112 33 11
553 Hold still, and no I don't know why it's so cold outside. 1.3526 0.05048 156 114 29 13
554 Look, I tried to tell you the wall adds 10 pounds. 1.3526 0.04709 156 110 37 9
555 The brush always adds another hundred pounds. 1.3526 0.04343 156 106 45 5
556 Don't be shy. We're in a cave. No one will ever see this. 1.3526 0.04796 156 111 35 10
557 The wall adds 10 pounds! 1.3526 0.04620 156 109 39 8
558 Okay now go get the donkey. I'm going to invent something called politics and it's going to be fucking awesome. 1.3526 0.04796 156 111 35 10
559 Give me a break I can barely see in here! 1.3526 0.04343 156 106 45 5
560 I call it an elephant, something you could never be in a million years. 1.3526 0.04965 156 113 31 12
561 Future generations will know we noticed the mastodon in the living room. 1.3526 0.04620 156 109 39 8
562 No, it really is that big. 1.3526 0.04709 156 110 37 9
563 For the umpteenth time, no! This angle does *not* make your tusks look "weird." 1.3526 0.05048 156 114 29 13
564 Hold still, I need to finish this before the ice age. 1.3526 0.04620 156 109 39 8
565 First you promise not to gore me with them. Then I paint them as big as you want. 1.3526 0.04530 156 108 41 7
566 Stand still, dammit! 1.3526 0.04709 156 110 37 9
567 I'm gonna say this one more time. It's. Not. To. Scale! 1.3519 0.04913 162 118 31 13
568 I am not going to double your trunk size in the picture." "This is why I hate to paint elephants! 1.3519 0.04505 162 113 41 8
569 Of course you're cold, it's the Ice Age. 1.3519 0.04834 162 117 33 12
570 You can't see my early work because this is my early work. 1.3519 0.04673 162 115 37 10
571 Am I the only one who will acknowledge the mastodon in the room? 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
572 OK, can you describe the hair color of the first hunter? 1.3506 0.04834 154 110 34 10
573 Will you stay still, you’re going to be extinct in a little while. 1.3506 0.04469 154 106 42 6
574 The walls always add 10 pounds 1.3506 0.04834 154 110 34 10
575 Okay, now give me that come-hither look. 1.3506 0.04469 154 106 42 6
576 Yes, I know what tusk size correlates to. 1.3506 0.04921 154 111 32 11
577 I'm really into abstract expressionism. I just do portraits on the side. 1.3506 0.04834 154 110 34 10
578 You should be happy. You’ve been selected as the symbol for the Neanderthal Party 1.3506 0.05091 154 113 28 13
579 Don't worry, the wall adds ten pounds. 1.3506 0.04921 154 111 32 11
580 It's not supposed to look "like" you, it's supposed to "be" you. 1.3506 0.05007 154 112 30 12
581 Oh, yeah! Well, for your information, primitive art is very now. 1.3506 0.04921 154 111 32 11
582 Stop complaining. I just took 2500 pounds off your figure. 1.3506 0.05007 154 112 30 12
583 Why wouldn't I paint the elephant in the room?! 1.3506 0.05091 154 113 28 13
584 Just a suggestion...have you tried the new whitening strips? 1.3506 0.04746 154 109 36 9
585 Thanks for helping me draw the election district. 1.3506 0.05335 154 116 22 16
586 This IS your best side. 1.3506 0.04746 154 109 36 9
587 Hurry up, would ya? I can't stand here for ages." 1.3506 0.04655 154 108 38 8
588 Now try to make an enigmatic, mysterious half-smile. 1.3506 0.05007 154 112 30 12
589 You said you wanted to look younger. 1.3506 0.04746 154 109 36 9
590 You're going to have to trust me. That's what you look like! 1.3506 0.04921 154 111 32 11
591 It's not supposed to look like you. It's modern art. 1.3506 0.04834 154 110 34 10
592 You think anyone's going to know it's not a good likeness in 20,000 years? 1.3503 0.04770 157 112 35 10
593 You're my first plus-size model. 1.3497 0.04483 163 114 41 8
594 I look like an anteater 1.3497 0.04730 163 117 35 11
595 What the hell is a caption? 1.3497 0.04730 163 117 35 11
596 You must remember other details about the assailant. Tusks? Wooly? 1.3497 0.04730 163 117 35 11
597 For the last time, you don't have a good side. 1.3497 0.04809 163 118 33 12
598 It's your baby picture. 1.3497 0.04649 163 116 37 10
599 Would you be more comfortable if I was naked too? 1.3490 0.04459 149 102 42 5
600 I know it’s taking a long time, but I want it to last. 1.3490 0.04658 149 104 38 7
601 Why, yes, the lighting is brand new. Just invented it this morning. 1.3490 0.04251 149 100 46 3
602 Well, maybe it's not a Kehinde Wiley, but you're not exactly a Barack Obama, either. 1.3490 0.05033 149 108 30 11
603 Of course you look fat. You’re a mammoth! 1.3487 0.04598 152 106 39 7
604 Don’t move and stop evolving. 1.3487 0.04598 152 106 39 7
605 Admittedly, my skills are pretty primitive. 1.3487 0.04598 152 106 39 7
606 Now give me an enigmatic smile; I want this one to have staying power. 1.3487 0.04692 152 107 37 8
607 Like you could do better . 1.3487 0.04874 152 109 33 10
608 It is too bad that our ancestors didn't have this technology 1.3484 0.04808 155 111 34 10
609 No, I will not make it longer. 1.3484 0.04808 155 111 34 10
610 You paint me next, so they'll know we both were here. 1.3484 0.04895 155 112 32 11
611 In 40,000 years people will go crazy over this stuff—so will you please just stand still for another five goddamn minutes! 1.3484 0.04631 155 109 38 8
612 You’ve had some work done, haven’t you? 1.3484 0.04895 155 112 32 11
613 Its called Cro-Magnon Style. Its not supposed to be representational 1.3484 0.04720 155 110 36 9
614 Are you sure this is exactly how you remember it? 1.3484 0.04895 155 112 32 11
615 Okay, let's address the elephant in the room. 1.3484 0.04631 155 109 38 8
616 No, I am not making your nose too big. 1.3484 0.04631 155 109 38 8
617 Yes, tar makes the best paint, and yes... I'm sorry about your brother. 1.3476 0.04705 164 118 35 11
618 C'mon, baby, show me more trunk...work with me, work with me. 1.3476 0.04705 164 118 35 11
619 Okay, now give me that "last-mammoth-on-earth" pout... 1.3476 0.04625 164 117 37 10
620 Act natural. 1.3467 0.05093 150 110 28 12
621 I feel it makes you more approachable. 1.3467 0.04334 150 102 44 4
622 Don't change a thing -plus size models are in. 1.3467 0.04914 150 108 32 10
623 If your family have such good memories, why do they commission portraits? 1.3467 0.04914 150 108 32 10
624 Now, Give me a haunted look of Extinction 1.3467 0.04822 150 107 34 9
625 No, you just have big bones. 1.3467 0.04633 150 105 38 7
626 I'm doing my best- depth perception doesn't fully evolve until the Upper Paleolithic Period. 1.3467 0.04122 150 100 48 2
627 I pay my models in cash. If you want to be drawn for peanuts, go find Charles Schultz. 1.3467 0.05266 150 112 24 14
628 Okay, okay, I'll put him on your back, but not until someone invents orange so I can get the hair right. 1.3467 0.05180 150 111 26 13
629 No, I can't paint is so your trunk follows people around the room. 1.3467 0.04822 150 107 34 9
630 You moved. Now it's going to be blurry. 1.3467 0.05180 150 111 26 13
631 So what would be your opinion if I added myself throwing a few spears at you?... 1.3467 0.04914 150 108 32 10
632 Trust me -- this IS your good side. 1.3467 0.04334 150 102 44 4
633 I'm almost done, be patient. Millions of years from now this drawing will represent a powerful political party that will be led by a Dodo. 1.3467 0.05266 150 112 24 14
634 What do you mean 'it's not your good side'? 1.3467 0.04633 150 105 38 7
635 Would you stop being so critical? I've only just mastered my opposable thumbs! 1.3467 0.05004 150 109 30 11
636 And, if my wife comes back, put your clothes back on 1.3464 0.05106 153 113 27 13
637 Well, it's a lot better than your painting of me! 1.3464 0.05106 153 113 27 13
638 What do you mean the nose is too big? 1.3464 0.04076 153 102 49 2
639 Try not to evolve while I'm painting. 1.3464 0.04758 153 109 35 9
640 I call it The Mammoth Lisa. 1.3464 0.04847 153 110 33 10
641 Look, I'm the world's first artist, so I get to decide if you need tusks or not. 1.3464 0.05190 153 114 25 14
642 That's a mammoth misrepresentation. 1.3464 0.04847 153 110 33 10
643 To save time, I'll label it G.O.P 1.3464 0.05272 153 115 23 15
644 What do you mean you don’t want this posted on your wall? 1.3464 0.04180 153 103 47 3
645 Well, the wall does add an extra ten pounds. 1.3464 0.05021 153 112 29 12
646 Who’s the artist here? 1.3464 0.04758 153 109 35 9
647 Paint adds ten pounds. 1.3464 0.04935 153 111 31 11
648 That IS how you nose looks! 1.3464 0.05021 153 112 29 12
649 If you don't stop moving, it will be eons before anyone sees this. 1.3464 0.04666 153 108 37 8
650 Now lower your tusks like you're angry. 1.3464 0.04758 153 109 35 9
651 If I make it any shorter you'll look like a rhinoceros. 1.3462 0.04783 156 112 34 10
652 No, I don't have any marshmallows. 1.3456 0.05258 136 99 27 10
653 Did you move? Dammit! I told you not to move. 1.3446 0.05047 148 108 29 11
654 Because your nose IS that big! 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
655 Beautiful. Now, show me 'fierce'. 1.3446 0.04669 148 104 37 7
656 How do you spell, "Wuz here"? 1.3446 0.05047 148 108 29 11
657 Yeah, yeah, big tusks, I got it! 1.3446 0.05047 148 108 29 11
658 Like you could do better . 1.3446 0.05047 148 108 29 11
659 Hold still! I can’t afford to keep throwing away caves! 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
660 Yes, I'm painting over it. Otherwise we'll never get our security deposit back! 1.3446 0.05047 148 108 29 11
661 I just think we can't keep ignoring the elephant in the cave. 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
662 Can you think of something funny to write under this? I got nothin. 1.3446 0.05138 148 109 27 12
663 Try to look woolier. 1.3446 0.04955 148 107 31 10
664 Want to add that you're looking for a relationship, not just a rut? 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
665 I don’t care how many smoke breaks the guy in Lascaux gave you! 1.3446 0.05138 148 109 27 12
666 And now we'll paint in two happy little tusks..... 1.3446 0.05314 148 111 23 14
667 Break time. Can you remember your pose? 1.3446 0.04862 148 106 33 9
668 Relax, these won't be around forever. 1.3446 0.05138 148 109 27 12
669 Ok, but once this "elphie" is up, it's forever. 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
670 Okay Ed, next outfit is the Elk and we're done for the day. 1.3446 0.05484 148 113 19 16
671 "Woolly or not woolly? 1.3446 0.04468 148 102 41 5
672 Why would you want to be a Pink Elephant? 1.3446 0.03920 148 97 51 0
673 O.K., I'm no da Vinci. But you're no Mona Lisa either. 1.3444 0.05151 151 112 26 13
674 A nip here, a tuck there. By the time I've finished that droop will be history. 1.3444 0.04608 151 106 38 7
675 Don’t worry, if it turns out bad no one will ever see it. 1.3444 0.04976 151 110 30 11
676 I know your trunk is bigger, don't worry, people won't take this literally. 1.3444 0.04608 151 106 38 7
677 This was a lot harder before I invented taxidermy. 1.3444 0.05236 151 113 24 14
678 Give it to me, Baby! That's it. A little more tusk! Oh yeah! Beautiful, Baby! 1.3444 0.04887 151 109 32 10
679 No. You cannot be the one throwing the spear this time. 1.3444 0.05236 151 113 24 14
680 Here I have captured the essence of that scared little mammoth whom you hide beneath that façade of enormity and might. 1.3444 0.04511 151 105 40 6
681 The light in here is horrible. Can you stand a little closer to the fire? 1.3444 0.04608 151 106 38 7
682 Because I don't have enough paint! 1.3444 0.04976 151 110 30 11
683 I know it's not perfect, but it's not like these cave paintings are going to last. 1.3444 0.04887 151 109 32 10
684 Trust me, they're gonna love this in about 40,000 years. 1.3444 0.04887 151 109 32 10
685 Could you look a little less extinct? 1.3444 0.04796 151 108 34 9
686 It _is_ your best side. 1.3444 0.05151 151 112 26 13
687 Could you make that smile a bit more enigmatic? 1.3444 0.04976 151 110 30 11
688 It only becomes valuable after your species dies. 1.3425 0.04059 146 97 48 1
689 Calm down, it's just a rough draft. And it's not like anyone's ever going to see it. 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
690 Life size portrait! Forget about it! 1.3425 0.03941 146 96 50 0
691 You've posed nude before haven't you. 1.3423 0.05019 149 109 29 11
692 Truncating is the artist's prerogative! 1.3423 0.04126 149 100 47 2
693 Stop complaining, it's not like anyone will care what you really looked like a million years from now. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
694 It's called perspective. It's you from far away. 1.3423 0.04740 149 106 35 8
695 Of course everyone will know it's bigger in real life. 1.3423 0.04740 149 106 35 8
696 Sorry. The wall puts on 20 pounds for everybody. 1.3423 0.05019 149 109 29 11
697 It not you. Charcoal add ten pounds. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
698 I promise you your mother will never see this. It's strictly for my private collection. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
699 Yes, I know what long tusks mean. 1.3423 0.05108 149 110 27 12
700 Stop criticizing - perspective hasn’t been invented yet 1.3423 0.04835 149 107 33 9
701 For goodness' sake, speak up the next time you need to take a break … 1.3423 0.05019 149 109 29 11
702 Hardy, har har...yes, I think i’ll finish before the next ice age. 1.3423 0.05196 149 111 25 13
703 I know size matters 1.3423 0.05108 149 110 27 12
704 I have a lousy memory so I have to write it down. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
705 Look, I can try not to make your nose look too big, but... 1.3423 0.05108 149 110 27 12
706 You're in my light. 1.3421 0.04860 152 110 32 10
707 Don't worry baby, no one is going to ever see these. 1.3407 0.05378 135 100 24 11
708 It's not supposed to look like you. I'm inventing Impressionism. 1.3401 0.04262 147 100 44 3
709 Trust me. The no-tusk look is slimming. 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
710 Just think, 10,000 years from now you'll be famous! 1.3401 0.04969 147 107 30 10
711 For the last time, no, I'm not going to draw you like one of my French mammoths. 1.3400 0.04900 150 109 31 10
712 Well I wish you hadn't tossed the pearl earring. It really made it pop. 1.3380 0.04885 142 102 32 8
713 Here’s what you’ll look like after the nip/tusk surgery. 1.3380 0.05085 142 104 28 10
714 Everything doesn’t have to be about you! 1.3380 0.04568 142 99 38 5
715 First time modeling in the nude? 1.3379 0.04716 145 103 35 7
716 A small nose job, a little dental work, and voilà! 1.3379 0.05199 145 108 25 12
717 I know you want me to make the trunk bigger, but the ladies will find out sooner or later! 1.3379 0.05012 145 106 29 10
718 Will you be needing wallet size prints? 1.3379 0.04613 145 102 37 6
719 Don't worry, I'll make the people extra small. 1.3379 0.04716 145 103 35 7
720 I know you're working for peanuts, but stand still! 1.3379 0.05106 145 107 27 11
721 "And this is you when you were one month old". 1.3379 0.05199 145 108 25 12
722 Don't look so surprised, I told you I was a minimalist painter when you hired me! 1.3379 0.04915 145 105 31 9
723 This is what you get for paying me peanuts! 1.3379 0.04716 145 103 35 7
724 Now, where’s that smile. 1.3379 0.04716 145 103 35 7
725 So, the plan is to invent agriculture, then bronze and cities, then iron and bigger cities, then the Renaissance and the Internet. But then we get Trump and it's back to square one. 1.3379 0.05290 145 109 23 13
726 You should have gone before you left home. 1.3379 0.05199 145 108 25 12
727 Goose me one more time and you're fired! 1.3379 0.04915 145 105 31 9
728 okay , we're finished for today , you can get dressed 1.3379 0.05012 145 106 29 10
729 Let's try another one. Your eyes were closed. 1.3379 0.04915 145 105 31 9
730 I'm just beginning. It'll be a mammoth undertaking! 1.3379 0.05106 145 107 27 11
731 Say peanuts. 1.3379 0.04817 145 104 33 8
732 No, I don’t think it makes you look fat. 1.3379 0.05199 145 108 25 12
733 Now, throw back your trunk and give me sultry. 1.3379 0.04613 145 102 37 6
734 Stop worrying, I'll make your tusks plenty big. 1.3379 0.04817 145 104 33 8
735 This IS your best side. 1.3379 0.04401 145 100 41 4
736 That's enough for today. You can go get dressed. 1.3379 0.04716 145 103 35 7
737 Because you'll be extinct, that's why. 1.3379 0.05199 145 108 25 12
738 If you don’t stop moving, this is going to be an epoch failure! 1.3379 0.04915 145 105 31 9
739 Yes, your butt really is that big. 1.3379 0.05012 145 106 29 10
740 Don't worry, no one will ever see this! 1.3379 0.05106 145 107 27 11
741 Because canvas hasn't been invented yet, that's why! 1.3379 0.04915 145 105 31 9
742 Yes, I'm getting your good side. 1.3379 0.04061 145 97 47 1
743 Don’t you tusk tusk me. 1.3379 0.04508 145 101 39 5
744 Your skin looks amazing! Who's your pachydermatologist? 1.3357 0.04821 140 100 33 7
745 If you tank in the mid term elections I'm replacing you with the donkey 1.3357 0.04926 140 101 31 8
746 Adding the tusks, won't make you look fat. 1.3357 0.05152 143 106 26 11
747 I know, I know, charcoal adds ten pounds. 1.3357 0.04085 143 96 46 1
748 Okay. I'll put the tusks on if you'll stop pooping in the cave. 1.3357 0.05246 143 107 24 12
749 I prefer cave artist. 1.3357 0.04649 143 101 36 6
750 Because Burnt Stick is the Pantone Color of the Year again. That’s why. 1.3357 0.05431 143 109 20 14
751 But, you said make me look younger! 1.3357 0.04320 143 98 42 3
752 My last cave was huge in France. 1.3357 0.04856 143 103 32 8
753 Yes, the cave painting subtracts a few thousand pounds. 1.3357 0.04649 143 101 36 6
754 This is definitely your best side 1.3357 0.04957 143 104 30 9
755 Let me remind you, again, that you are not the only elephant in this room. 1.3357 0.04754 143 102 34 7
756 No, I'm not giving you bigger tusks! 1.3357 0.05055 143 105 28 10
757 Beautiful, baby...Now work with me...Show us those tusks.... 1.3357 0.04856 143 103 32 8
758 Of course I will make sure your trunk and tusks are enormous. 1.3357 0.04957 143 104 30 9
759 it's a mammoth task 1.3357 0.05055 143 105 28 10
760 What do you mean your trunk looks small? 1.3357 0.04856 143 103 32 8
761 I am NOT ignoring the elephant in the room! 1.3357 0.05055 143 105 28 10
762 Now let's get one with you poked full of spears. 1.3357 0.05055 143 105 28 10
763 I call it "the elephant in the room". 1.3357 0.05055 143 105 28 10
764 No worries, camp fires add ten pounds. 1.3357 0.04957 143 104 30 9
765 I want to make it clear. I never sleep with my models. 1.3357 0.04957 143 104 30 9
766 Try to look prehistoric. 1.3356 0.04982 146 107 29 10
767 Keep in mind that the cave wall adds about 200 pounds. 1.3333 0.04464 141 98 39 4
768 It would be worth a lot more if you became extinct 1.3333 0.05099 141 104 27 10
769 Well, it's supposed to look primitive. 1.3333 0.04897 141 102 31 8
770 If I ever figure out how to get these things off the wall, I'll make a fortune. 1.3333 0.04897 141 102 31 8
771 I’m completely self taught. 1.3333 0.04638 138 97 36 5
772 Ok, now I need to think of a good caption. 1.3333 0.04999 141 103 29 9
773 Let me finish posting and THEN I'll tag you 1.3333 0.04861 138 99 32 7
774 Turn a little to the left please, I'd like to see more tusk. 1.3333 0.04897 141 102 31 8
775 10,000 years from now no one will care if your trunk was tired. 1.3333 0.04522 138 96 38 4
776 Some day they will stand in line to see the mystery of your smile 1.3333 0.04999 141 103 29 9
777 Can't you keep it up for more than a minute. 1.3333 0.04897 141 102 31 8
778 Stop worrying in a thousand years no one will remember you had hair. 1.3333 0.04638 138 97 36 5
779 " You startled me. I didn't see you standing there. 1.3333 0.04335 135 92 41 2
780 I know they promised you peanuts, well guess what?... they promised me a Mammoth 1.3333 0.05099 141 104 27 10
781 Stop asking. I've told you that I'll remove the wrinkles and I will. 1.3333 0.04685 141 100 35 6
782 I know, I am better at building a fire. 1.3333 0.04968 138 100 30 8
783 Well I’m sorry. You have a big nose. I can only paint what I see. 1.3333 0.05294 141 106 23 12
784 Oh relax! What will it matter 6000 years from now? 1.3333 0.05198 141 105 25 11
785 Trust me, it will be worth more when you're extinct. 1.3333 0.04818 135 96 33 6
786 Because I think horns send the wrong message. 1.3333 0.05151 135 99 27 9
787 It's not supposed to look like you. I'm an impressionist! 1.3333 0.04407 144 100 40 4
788 It's an archetype- it's not supposed to look like you. 1.3310 0.04764 142 102 33 7
789 It makes you look fat! Well you are fat! 1.3310 0.04868 142 103 31 8
790 Sure, I have a part-time job hunting and gathering, but my real focus is my art. 1.3309 0.05043 139 102 28 9
791 And when a boy mastodon loves a girl mastodon very much... 1.3309 0.05043 139 102 28 9
792 Smile, this one's for the ages. 1.3309 0.05043 139 102 28 9
793 Never Forget 1.3309 0.04938 139 101 30 8
794 And here’s YOU acting like a little bitch. 1.3309 0.05245 139 104 24 11
795 Trust me. It's okay to pose in the nude. 1.3309 0.04938 139 101 30 8
796 May I suggest avoiding Asia when migrating. 1.3309 0.04831 139 100 32 7
797 Could you describe the culprit again? 1.3309 0.05043 139 102 28 9
798 I call this my "pre-extinction" period 1.3309 0.04496 139 97 38 4
799 Great artists are never appreciated in their time but just you wait 200,000 years. 1.3309 0.04496 139 97 38 4
800 Early Mansplaining 1.3309 0.05344 139 105 22 12
801 Don't worry, the wrinkles won't be noticeable. 1.3309 0.05145 139 103 26 10
802 Trust me, after a few millennia everything is considered 'art'. 1.3309 0.04938 139 101 30 8
803 Hold still, I don't have your memory 1.3309 0.04831 139 100 32 7
804 Don't worry, the cave wall always adds ten pounds. 1.3309 0.04938 139 101 30 8
805 This is your good side. 1.3309 0.04938 139 101 30 8
806 I know elephants never forget, but humans do,so here it is. 1.3309 0.05145 139 103 26 10
807 Did you have to move? Now the perspective is all thrown off! 1.3309 0.05043 139 102 28 9
808 This IS how you look. 1.3309 0.04611 139 98 36 5
809 For reasons we don't fully understand today, your image became taboo in the early 21st century. 1.3309 0.04182 136 92 43 1
810 I don't know, just try to be more…natural. 1.3309 0.04556 136 95 37 4
811 Why do you only remember the times I've made a mistake? 1.3309 0.04902 136 98 31 7
812 What do you mean it looks nothing like you? 1.3309 0.04789 136 97 33 6
813 Charcoal is a slimming color, trust me. 1.3286 0.04694 140 100 34 6
814 We call ourselves "Republicans". 1.3285 0.04981 137 100 29 8
815 But I AM a caveman! 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
816 Have you ever descended a staircase? 1.3285 0.04646 137 97 35 5
817 Don't you tusk, tusk me now. 1.3285 0.04646 137 97 35 5
818 I know, I know . . . it's not my fault! The cave wall adds 10 pounds! 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
819 What do you mean you forget what happened next? 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
820 I've made your nose smaller but there's not much I can do about the wrinkles. 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
821 What do you mean it doesn’t look like you! 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
822 What do you expect I'm a cave man not an artist 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
823 No, you're not the elephant in the room. This is a cave. 1.3285 0.04646 137 97 35 5
824 I was willing to pay more, but your union said, “peanuts.” 1.3285 0.04409 137 95 39 3
825 Hold still. I’m trying to get your good side. 1.3285 0.04286 137 94 41 2
826 Hurry up and finish before I go extinct. 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
827 Don't worry, I can Caveshop out all your wrinkles later. 1.3285 0.04981 137 100 29 8
828 Is this the mammoth you saw> 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
829 I think I have a pretty good likeness.....but only time will tell. 1.3285 0.04646 137 97 35 5
830 Don't worry, I'll smooth out the wrinkles. 1.3285 0.04872 137 99 31 7
831 Our hunters will join you for the next pose. 1.3285 0.04529 137 96 37 4
832 Trust me, you don't look Rubenesque. 1.3285 0.04981 137 100 29 8
833 I’m an artist. If I wanted you to have tusks I’d give you tusks. 1.3285 0.04760 137 98 33 6
834 Unaware he was about to influence Renaissance art, Glorp said, "Now give me that subtle, mysterious smile of yours." 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
835 I think this makes you more approachable 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
836 I'm going to add a bunch of hair and make you bigger to mess with people. 1.3285 0.04286 137 94 41 2
837 Don't blame me: the cave wall puts on 10 pounds. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
838 If this is accepted for the exhibition at Lascaux, I tell you, we will make history together. 1.3284 0.04208 134 91 42 1
839 It’s either Late Cave or Pre-Impressionism. Your choice. 1.3284 0.04711 134 95 34 5
840 There. Now tell me about you and what you are looking for in a potential mate. 1.3284 0.05056 134 98 28 8
841 It's not primitive, it's Primitivism. 1.3284 0.05273 134 100 24 10
842 Someday we may regret what you’ll come to symbolize. 1.3284 0.05056 134 98 28 8
843 If we're going to catch this guy, I really need your help in remembering the shape of his nose. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
844 Well then you must not have a good side. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
845 Yeah, well, the rest of us will forget. 1.3284 0.05056 134 98 28 8
846 Because sometimes we do forget. 1.3284 0.04829 134 96 32 6
847 I’ll fill in the details later. We’ve got all the time in the world. 1.3284 0.04829 134 96 32 6
848 Then everyone writes ‘like’ or ‘dont like’ right over here” 1.3277 0.04936 119 84 31 4
849 Being lef-handed is not strange compared to a mastodon who starts fires 1.3261 0.05360 138 105 21 12
850 How can I be expected to produce a masterpiece in such primitive conditions? 1.3261 0.04950 138 101 29 8
851 OK! OK! It's erect! Are you happy now? 1.3259 0.04682 135 96 34 5
852 If you don't stop moving, nobody's gonna know you even existed! 1.3259 0.04799 135 97 32 6
853 Yes, even a caveman can do it. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
854 Sure, I can lengthen the tusks but everyone knows they're implants. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
855 Be patient, I'm nearly done. I know it must feel like an ice age that you have been posing. 1.3259 0.04799 135 97 32 6
856 Don't laugh; in a million years I’ll be famous! 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
857 I don’t love being pigeonholed, but yes, I would classify myself as a cave artist. 1.3259 0.04799 135 97 32 6
858 Stop calling it fake art!! 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
859 More woolly...less mammoth. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
860 An artist is never understood in his own time. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
861 Work with me, baby...give me a little more trunk. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
862 Trust me. This will be mammoth. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
863 Don't move. I'm trying to create prehistory here. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
864 Get over it. It's called primitive art. 1.3259 0.04799 135 97 32 6
865 Thanks for posing for peanuts. 1.3259 0.05239 135 101 24 10
866 Yes, yes... I can make the tusks longer. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
867 I'm really evolving. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
868 My aesthetic is mostly pre-historic post-modern. 1.3259 0.04799 135 97 32 6
869 It's not you! It's a picture of you! 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
870 Oh really? And exactly what kind of lighting is "figure-flattering?" 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
871 In a million years, they won't know the difference. 1.3259 0.05133 135 100 26 9
872 Can you remember any other distinctive features? 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
873 Relax, I promise you I'm getting your best side. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
874 A little more tusk? 1.3259 0.04563 135 95 36 4
875 Can you give me a little bit more of that "I'm being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger" look? 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
876 I promise. No one else will ever see this. 1.3259 0.05547 135 104 18 13
877 Don’t worry about it. If Lescaux taught us anything, it’s that the cave wall adds twenty pounds. 1.3259 0.04799 135 97 32 6
878 Sorry, the wall adds five pounds. 1.3259 0.04682 135 96 34 5
879 Look alive. 1.3259 0.05239 135 101 24 10
880 No, I won't make them look bigger. 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
881 Sorry -- the wall adds ten pounds. 1.3259 0.04314 135 93 40 2
882 Try to remember. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
883 After the rhinoplasty, this is what you'll look like. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
884 Years from now they'll wonder about the elephant in the room. 1.3259 0.05239 135 101 24 10
885 I can't do anything about it; if I make your hips smaller, your nose will look bigger. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
886 I'll try shopping this one out to a political party. 1.3259 0.04682 135 96 34 5
887 It's for a National Geographic pictograph essay on life in the Stone Age. 1.3258 0.04749 132 94 33 5
888 Alright, fine. How much woolier do you want? 1.3258 0.04625 132 93 35 4
889 If I can hold my arm up, you can certainly hold your trunk up a while longer. 1.3258 0.05101 132 97 27 8
890 Please be patient, I usually draw bison. 1.3258 0.04749 132 94 33 5
891 I can't help it, your butt really is that big. 1.3258 0.04625 132 93 35 4
892 All my models pose nude. 1.3258 0.04986 132 96 29 7
893 Be patient! I'm trying to capture your enigmatic smile. 1.3233 0.04471 133 93 37 3
894 Well, if you must know, I’m developing a cartoon about a modern stone-age family... 1.3233 0.04955 133 97 29 7
895 I know a tiny mammoth is a oxymoron! 1.3233 0.05179 133 99 25 9
896 Yes, I know it's not life-size, but they'll get the idea. 1.3231 0.04531 130 91 36 3
897 Can we have just the hint of a smile, please? 1.3231 0.04117 130 88 42 0
898 Shut up! I'm a minimalist. 1.3231 0.05262 130 97 24 9
899 Don’t glare at me! It’s the nose Mother Nature gave you! 1.3228 0.04165 127 86 41 0
900 By the time you finish, I may be extinct. 1.3209 0.05254 134 101 23 10
901 No, I'm not making it look bigger than it is. 1.3209 0.05146 134 100 25 9
902 If I’d wanted action, I’d have asked the horse. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
903 Tusks down and head to the left 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
904 And how do you know what you look like anyway? 1.3206 0.04879 131 95 30 6
905 The retouch option includes wrinkle elimination and tusk whitening. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
906 Lick your lips. Toss your trunk. Gimme more sexy. 1.3206 0.04757 131 94 32 5
907 It’s a cave drawing, not a Picasso. 1.3206 0.05447 131 100 20 11
908 You do know I kill you in this story. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
909 It's supposed to increase the property value. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
910 You're a great model, considering your working for peanuts. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
911 Relax, I paint all my subjects in the nude. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
912 If you don’t hold still I will paint the bison instead and make them famous. 1.3206 0.04757 131 94 32 5
913 It's a logo for a political party. I'm trying to finish it before they go extinct. 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
914 It's a bit primitive. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
915 I said smile. 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
916 Look, I need to get this right before we drive you to extinction. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
917 Congratulations! The ultrasound just came in and it's a girl! 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
918 Cave art adds ten pounds. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
919 No, I don't think it makes you look 'prehistoric'! 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
920 Now, this is how you look from far away. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
921 You just don't appreciate modern art. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
922 Art critics are such Neanderthals. 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
923 You’ll thank me for this after you’re extinct. 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
924 The wife didn't want to pose nude. It's her loss. 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
925 What do you mean, it doesn’t look a thing like you?? 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
926 I'm sorry but this is your good side. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
927 No. I don't want to pull your trunk. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
928 Who went extinct and made you the expert? 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
929 Oh be quiet. Of course I know the difference between a mammoth and a mastodon. 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
930 It's going to be mammoth! 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
931 I'm doing the best I can with the limited tools that have so far been invented. And when did you become an art critic? 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
932 You will look better with your tusks lower and I'm going to add a more woolly look. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
933 Wow! You look bigger in person. 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
934 No, this light doesn't make your nose look big 1.3206 0.04879 131 95 30 6
935 Thanks, Donna. We're done. Okay, hunters, I'm ready for you to pose now. 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
936 Stand still, I’m losing the light! 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
937 Ok, so I'm no good at tusks. 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
938 Now it feels like a real man cave. 1.3206 0.04879 131 95 30 6
939 I said I could draw a mastadon not a masterpiece! 1.3206 0.04632 131 93 34 4
940 I don't do realism. 1.3203 0.04564 128 90 35 3
941 Patience please. This is, after all, a mammoth undertaking. 1.3203 0.04952 128 93 29 6
942 Stand still, so I can draw where the spear will pierce you. 1.3200 0.05029 125 91 28 6
943 Say “wooly” and tilt your tusks a bit left. 1.3182 0.04966 132 97 28 7
944 I think they'll call this my paleo-photorealism period. 1.3182 0.04603 132 94 34 4
945 I told you the wall adds 10 pounds 1.3182 0.04848 132 96 30 6
946 The ladies on Cave Tinder like a perky trunk. 1.3178 0.05390 129 98 21 10
947 Until they invent mirrors this will have to do. 1.3178 0.04795 129 93 31 5
948 What do you mean 'my style is too primitive'? 1.3178 0.05390 129 98 21 10
949 Yeah, yeah, big tusks. 1.3178 0.05390 129 98 21 10
950 I don’t have a mistress to paint, that’s why. 1.3178 0.04667 129 92 33 4
951 10,000 years from now do you really think anyone will be able to tell the difference between a Mammoth and a Mastodon? 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
952 I think this will be one for the ages. 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
953 Your butt IS fat! 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
954 I know I know your trunk is bigger than that. 1.3178 0.04536 129 91 35 3
955 Okay, before I add me spearing you, try to look a lot fiercer. 1.3178 0.05501 129 99 19 11
956 What do you mean I have to put things in perspective? It's not invented yet! 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
957 This, not me, is your ideal mate. Got it? 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
958 You're a natural. Most of my subjects won't even think of posing nude. 1.3178 0.05276 129 97 23 9
959 Oh yeah? Well, 35,000 years from now you'll be dead and I'll be the toast of the town. 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
960 I’m calling it “there’s an elephant in the room” 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
961 Can you arch your trunk a little so it's like you're smiling but also you're not smiling? 1.3178 0.04920 129 94 29 6
962 I’m beginning to think that choosing you as my muse was a mammoth mistake 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
963 Just hold still, in 10,000 years somebody will think this is important. 1.3178 0.04920 129 94 29 6
964 Did it ever occur to you that maybe I make you look fat because you ARE fat? 1.3178 0.04795 129 93 31 5
965 How would you know, have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? 1.3178 0.04920 129 94 29 6
966 And now for a pair of happy little tusks. 1.3178 0.05501 129 99 19 11
967 Stop moving. Pretend you are frozen in time. 1.3178 0.04667 129 92 33 4
968 Okay, okay! I won't put the spears in the drawing until after you leave! 1.3178 0.05390 129 98 21 10
969 Hold still or I won’t be able to finish before the Homo sapiens arrive. 1.3178 0.04667 129 92 33 4
970 Hold that pose. One day this picture is gonna make both of us famous! 1.3178 0.04795 129 93 31 5
971 I've told you a hundred times to keep still - why can't you remember? 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
972 Hurry up with those spears, I'm almost finished making the menu. 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
973 It's Maslov's higherarchy of needs: first food, then fire, then self-reflection. 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
974 I know, congratulations, they're HUGE. But I'm still doing it my way. 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
975 Trust me, cave-ies are all the rage right now. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
976 I know it's small. It's a representation. It will evoke an emotion in the viewer. It's art, for crying out loud. 1.3175 0.04867 126 91 30 5
977 Yeah, well, you'll look a lot worse when they dig you up 40,000 years from now. 1.3175 0.05363 126 95 22 9
978 Your free offer includes only a wall-sized picture. 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
979 Yes, you will be extinct but try to smile 1.3175 0.04995 126 92 28 6
980 Smile...someday your image will be the symbol of an extinct political party 1.3175 0.05480 126 96 20 10
981 I don't know what you mean your "good side." I can only paint one side. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
982 Is this the man you saw? 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
983 When I invent perspective, people will see how big you were. 1.3175 0.04163 126 86 40 0
984 I've told you a hundred times, I don't care if my painting doesn't capture the real you. It's not as if anyone else is ever going to see it. 1.3175 0.04995 126 92 28 6
985 A smile will not make you go extinct. 1.3175 0.04867 126 91 30 5
986 Let me Cave-Mansplain something to you real quick. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
987 This shall be my cromag-num opus. 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
988 And that's how you become irrelephant 1.3175 0.05363 126 95 22 9
989 Pretend to run. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
990 How about more pensive? Consider your own extinction. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
991 I'm evolving. 1.3175 0.04995 126 92 28 6
992 I can't pay you for posing, but years from now you'll be famous. 1.3175 0.04867 126 91 30 5
993 But you must realize that the cave wall adds tens pounds. 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
994 This will make you immortal, and the subject of hundreds of doctoral dissertations. 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
995 Size doesn’t matter 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
996 But drawing you to scale would be a mammoth undertaking. 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
997 Why's everything gotta be political with you? 1.3175 0.04163 126 86 40 0
998 No, of course not. The cave adds 10 pounds. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
999 Trust me. You’re gonna be mammoth. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
1000 Maybe you have a good memory, but I need to write it down! 1.3175 0.05363 126 95 22 9
1001 Its time someone acknowledged the elephant in the room 1.3175 0.05480 126 96 20 10
1002 Get happy. All my models work for peanuts. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
1003 It's oil based and should last about 5 million years. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
1004 The perp's tusks--were they about this long? 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
1005 Just in case you go extinct 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
1006 What do you mean I’m making you look fat?! 1.3150 0.04962 127 93 28 6
1007 I am going to call it the elephant in the room. 1.3150 0.05208 127 95 24 8
1008 Say peanuts. 1.3150 0.04962 127 93 28 6
1009 This is a mammoth undertaking. 1.3145 0.05293 124 93 23 8
1010 Okay, I'M finished now. You can get dressed 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
1011 Trust me -- this IS your good side. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1012 First man to notice the elephant in the room. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1013 How many times do I have to tell you?!? Hold still and stop worrying about it - those rumours about the ice melting are a complete hoax. 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
1014 In the future, this will be considered a mammoth achievement. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1015 Now will you stop bothering me for a baby picture? 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1016 I don't like it either, but 10,000 years from now they'll be lining out the door to see it. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1017 Using burnt sticks and working with this miserable lighting, of course it's a bit primitive ! 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
1018 Yes, I know it's called rhinoplasty, but, trust me, you're a perfect candidate. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1019 'lookin' good...now let's see those ivories.' 1.3145 0.04633 124 88 33 3
1020 We can CavePaintshop out the wrinkles later. 1.3145 0.04633 124 88 33 3
1021 Relax, I know you're not that fat ... perspective hasn't been invented yet. 1.3145 0.05416 124 94 21 9
1022 Trunk UP! How can you keep forgetting? 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
1023 I’m sorry, you only have to hold this position a little longer. My buddies just are not going to believe me unless I post a picture of you on my wall. 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
1024 You You’ll get your peanuts when I’ve finished. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1025 Ok, let's take a break. But, remember that pose. 1.3145 0.04908 124 90 29 5
1026 I'm going to call it " Make the Stone Age Great Again". 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
1027 This drawing of you inspire an entire political movement! 1.3145 0.05416 124 94 21 9
1028 Just wait until mirrors are invented. Then you'll see that, yes, your ears really are that big. 1.3140 0.05120 121 89 26 6
1029 Okay, okay, I'll add your great tusks and and your big hairy shoulders but I get to be the Great Hunter with Spear. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
1030 Can't you hold it till I'm finished? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
1031 And did he have any facial hair? Tattoos? 1.3125 0.05518 128 99 18 11
1032 Gimme a break...do I tell you how to stampede? 1.3120 0.04875 125 91 29 5
1033 More tusk. It needs more tusk. 1.3120 0.05613 125 97 17 11
1034 I mean, sure, it’s no Lascaux... but we all have to start somewhere, right? 1.3120 0.05378 125 95 21 9
1035 Let's talk about the elephant in the room. 1.3120 0.05378 125 95 21 9
1036 Good. Now a little ambiguous smile. 1.3120 0.05133 125 93 25 7
1037 I hate to break it to you, Doug, but there's no angle that would make you look "svelte" - as if that's even a healthy body image for someone with your bone structure. 1.3115 0.05712 122 95 16 11
1038 I know, I am not Leonardo, but you are not Mona Lisa either. 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
1039 I'm sorry, but the wall adds 10 pounds. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1040 If you move one more time, I'll switch to abstract. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1041 Trust me, nobody will care about those tusks. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1042 Yeah, well you're no mastodon 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
1043 No, I won't paint your tusks larger. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1044 Believe me, it's your good side. 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
1045 Yes, it is cast in stone. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
1046 Yeah, well, Mr. Art Critic, maybe you should evolve some fingers and see if you can do better. 1.3115 0.04950 122 89 28 5
1047 Never discuss the elephant in the room, but my therapist say drawing OK. 1.3115 0.04811 122 88 30 4
1048 This is how you will look after we monetize those tusks. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1049 The original elephant in the room! 1.3115 0.04950 122 89 28 5
1050 Of course I won't show anyone else. The pictures are only for me. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1051 I told you no more paintings or else we're gonna lose our security deposit. 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1052 It’s cave art ,not a portrait! 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1053 What do you mean the trunk is too small? 1.3115 0.04811 122 88 30 4
1054 ...and what was your husband wearing when you last saw him. 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
1055 Just because you are a Republican doesn't mean you can't give me a little smile. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
1056 'Thanks for agreeing to the naked thing." 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
1057 Everybody is a critic! 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1058 You can unfreeze now. 1.3115 0.04668 122 87 32 3
1059 My trunk just looks small now because it’s cold out. 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
1060 I hope you understand that modern art shies away from literal representation. 1.3109 0.04425 119 83 35 1
1061 I progressed to minimalism, as I strongly feel it is the most relevant visual language for our day and age 1.3101 0.05019 129 96 26 7
1062 I call this the "The Elephant in the Cave." 1.3101 0.04088 129 89 40 0
1063 Hold still, this will be worth millions when you’re extinct. 1.3089 0.05431 123 94 20 9
1064 "The last time I posted on my wall, i got seventy-five ughs". 1.3089 0.05180 123 92 24 7
1065 And after you do that, in about 18 months to two years, a little baby mammoth is born... 1.3089 0.05307 123 93 22 8
1066 Hey Babar, what’s the glyph for “remember”? 1.3089 0.05431 123 94 20 9
1067 Oh, I didn't see you there... 1.3089 0.05307 123 93 22 8
1068 See, you're not the the elephant in the room anymore; He is Ok? 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
1069 I’m not making you look fat. You’re a mammoth. 1.3083 0.05893 120 95 13 12
1070 Stay still! I am trying to record history! 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1071 Don't worry, I'll airbrush out the wrinkles. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1072 Yes, it's a nude and no, I don't think your mother will "die of embarrassment". 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1073 I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1074 Give me coy. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1075 Don't worry, I can airbrush the wrinkles out. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1076 If you don't like it, just say so. Quit ignoring the you in the room. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1077 Your motivation? Try Survival of the fittest. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1078 Try to look less frigid. 1.3083 0.04704 120 86 31 3
1079 Give me a break, I just invented fire. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1080 This will be worth a lot more when you're extinct. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1081 I'm not making you look fat. You ARE fat. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1082 It's nude for beauty, not objectification. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1083 See, you look fine without them. The ivory trade will be good for both of us... 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1084 Wait, before you trample me, let me post this to my wall. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1085 Seriously, you're even afraid of a drawing of a mouse? 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1086 This is a mammoth task. 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
1087 Yeah? Well, you're no Mona Lisa. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1088 By the time you're done drawing, I'll be extinct! 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1089 Sure I hunted you, but can't you separate art from artist? 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1090 At the moment, this is our only suspect. 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1091 I suppose you think you could do better. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1092 I know this is difficult but did you happen to see the color of his eyes? 1.3083 0.05893 120 95 13 12
1093 I own the original and full copyrights on any prints or reproductions. Did you even read the model release before you signed it? 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1094 Yes, I'm sure you will soon be history. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1095 if you don't hold still you'll look like a bison 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1096 Its called scale. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1097 Thanks for answering the ad. I knew models are willing to work for peanuts. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1098 I'm experimenting with a more Mesolithic style 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1099 Just you wait - a true artist is never appreciated in his time. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1100 It going to be a cookbook. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1101 Quit that right now - the cleaning service doesn't come for another week! 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1102 What do you mean that's not your best side? 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1103 Don’t worry. I’ll give you the biggest tusks. 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
1104 I told you, size does not matter! 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1105 Trust me Linda, this is your good side. 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
1106 Stop it with the trunk when I'm not looking! 1.3083 0.04704 120 86 31 3
1107 Sorry, the cave wall ads 10 pounds 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1108 You'll be famous. Whose going to remember me? 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1109 I know this is awkward. I don't usually do nudes. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1110 Don't worry. Cave walls always make you look 10% fatter. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1111 Now, how about a little, enigmatic smile. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1112 How long has your wife been missing? 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1113 Make up your mind already. You going to swipe left or right? 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
1114 Now make up your mind. Trunk up or trunk down? Tusks or no tusk? Wooly or not wooly? 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1115 Global Warming is just an hoax! This painting on ice will last forever.. 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1116 Life sized? No, if you'll remember, what I said was life LIKE! 1.3083 0.04552 120 85 33 2
1117 Don't worry we will find him - I'm posting his picture on my wall. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1118 When we started you were just a Mastodon. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1119 And this is how you will look after the tusk removal surgery..... 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
1120 Hold still. I'm entering this for a GOP logo design competition! 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1121 OK. Fine. I’ll make the tusks bigger and the butt smaller. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1122 Can't you stand still ? 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1123 Ok, I'm ready for the hunters with the spears. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1124 Enough with the enigmatic smile. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1125 I am sorry, but yes, I am not exaggerating; your nose really is that big. 1.3083 0.04992 120 88 27 5
1126 This could take forever. Think I'll just find some mastodon-pattern wallpaper. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1127 Hold still, this is for pre-history. 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
1128 To make the drawing larger would be a mammoth waste of time. 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
1129 I need to start over. You blinked. 1.3083 0.05650 120 93 17 10
1130 Oh stop it. I'm not making you look fat. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1131 I’ll Protoshop out the wrinkles later. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1132 I want to remember you after you're gone. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1133 Yes, the firelight is on your good side. 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1134 Yes it's nude, but it's tasteful. 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1135 If you're looking for tusk exaggeration or ash brushing, you're in the wrong cave. 1.3077 0.05073 117 86 26 5
1136 OK I'm done - you can get dressed. 1.3065 0.05144 124 93 24 7
1137 Relax, the wall adds ten pounds. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
1138 Hold it...hold it...good. Now show me 'stampede chic.' 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1139 Really? Well, I remember it differently... 1.3058 0.04522 121 86 33 2
1140 My god, the late afternoon sun softly highlights your ineffable confidence and unrivaled ability to lean into a pose. 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1141 Making you look mammoth? Seriously? 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1142 Stop laughing - one day "Caveman" cartoon contests will be all the rage. 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1143 Excuse me, but rendering you full size is too mammoth a tusk....er task. 1.3058 0.04958 121 89 27 5
1144 Just think, after this you won’t be working for peanuts anymore.... 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1145 One day, we'll be discovered. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
1146 Ceci n'est pas une pipe. 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1147 Never mind the mouse, stand still! 1.3058 0.05485 121 93 19 9
1148 Well, it wouldn't look 'stylized' if you'd just hold still! 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1149 If you want a life-mate from your profile could you at least try to smile? 1.3058 0.04522 121 86 33 2
1150 Ok, for this next scene, pretend I hunted you for dinner. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
1151 Please stand still, we both don't have much time! 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1152 Well, I suppose I should address the elephant in the room. 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1153 Yes!, yes!, give me that sexy look again. 1.3058 0.04817 121 88 29 4
1154 Close your left eye and tell me what you see. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
1155 Yes. I did shorten the tusks a little, but I think it gives you a more youthful appearance. 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1156 Well good for you, me I gotta write it down. 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1157 What do you mean you look like Babar? 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1158 Maybe it doesn't look like much now, but give it 35,000 years 1.3058 0.05485 121 93 19 9
1159 You are big! It's the picture that got small. 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1160 That's it baby. Keep that look. You look amazing in this light. 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1161 You may go extinct, but through my art you'll live forever. 1.3058 0.04522 121 86 33 2
1162 Quit blinking! 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
1163 Look, when you took the gig you knew it was for a nude study. 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
1164 C'mon. Three syllables. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
1165 Don't forget the tusks.. they're my best feature! 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
1166 Any particular reason why you want me to omit your to-die-for tusks? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1167 Yes, I know. Another prehistoric cartoon in The New Yorker. But it pays the rent on the cave. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
1168 Okay, I'm finished, but don't go anywhere. I'm throwin' a big barbecue later tonight, and I can't do that without you, either. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
1169 Draw me like one of your french elephants. 1.3051 0.04257 118 82 36 0
1170 I just hope someone draws my picture before I go extinct. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
1171 It’s a primitive sketch. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
1172 This would go a lot faster if you'd just smile. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1173 Wait till you see what I do with the tusks--you're going to love it! 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
1174 Trust me, in 20,000 years you'll be famous. 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
1175 I'm going to call it my pleistocene period. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
1176 Smile. Don't think of Trump. 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
1177 Then what? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1178 Don't be so hard on yourself-- you seem very evolved to me. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1179 For the last time, this picture does not make you look fat! 1.3051 0.05316 118 89 22 7
1180 Laugh now, someday this place will be Soho. 1.3051 0.05451 118 90 20 8
1181 It may not seem like it now, but we're making history here. 1.3051 0.04584 118 84 32 2
1182 Just a few more minutes - extinction can wait. 1.3051 0.04584 118 84 32 2
1183 In the twenty-first century A.D., a people called Americans will hope the party you represent will become extinct. 1.3051 0.05710 118 92 16 10
1184 I didn't say it was a mammoth painting. I said it was a painting of a mammoth. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1185 No, that's not her. The cow that stole my fig tree had beady little eyes and a real attitude in her walk. 1.3033 0.05320 122 93 21 8
1186 It is primitive art after all. 1.3033 0.05059 122 91 25 6
1187 If you'd BROUGHT your plastic circus ball, I would have DRAWN your plastic circus ball! 1.3025 0.04707 119 86 30 3
1188 Stand still or I'll never get this done before the Ice Age. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
1189 You can get dressed now. 1.3025 0.04856 119 87 28 4
1190 Yes, even a cave man can do this. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
1191 And it doesn’t smell like you either! 1.3025 0.05141 119 89 24 6
1192 Show me some anger... Like you were about to be hunted to extinction. 1.3025 0.05141 119 89 24 6
1193 I understand its not accurate Henry but between the two of us I'm the only one with opposable thumbs. 1.3025 0.05141 119 89 24 6
1194 Ask the antelope. Ask the sabertooth. The charcoal always adds ten pounds. 1.3025 0.04553 119 85 32 2
1195 Give me 'SAVAGE'! 1.3025 0.05000 119 88 26 5
1196 I'm gonna add a bowler hat, just for kicks. 1.3017 0.05368 116 88 21 7
1197 Relax. I can photoshop it. 1.3017 0.05506 116 89 19 8
1198 This is going to be a classic. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1199 Trust me, you'll be famous some day. 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
1200 Now give me a pout. 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
1201 I'd rather look more like a Democrat. 1.3017 0.05368 116 88 21 7
1202 Now give me that enigmatic smile. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1203 Try to look slightly amused. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1204 Is this what the suspect looked like? 1.3017 0.04931 116 85 27 4
1205 I'm calling it "artistic license". 1.3017 0.05368 116 88 21 7
1206 For the thousandth time, stop posing and just try to look natural! 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1207 It’s nobody you know. 1.3017 0.04777 116 84 29 3
1208 Until I started to draw you, I never noticed the color of your eyes before! 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
1209 No the wall doesn’t add 10 pounds! 1.3017 0.04931 116 85 27 4
1210 Can't you see I'm trying to capture your playful side?! 1.3017 0.04931 116 85 27 4
1211 Anyway, they told me my technique was barbaric, so I dropped out of art school and pursued my own interpretation of post-Neanderthal realism 1.3017 0.04617 116 83 31 2
1212 They say "the cave wall adds ten pounds." 1.3017 0.05368 116 88 21 7
1213 Jerry, this IS your good side. 1.3017 0.05640 116 90 17 9
1214 I'm not so good at tusks. 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
1215 This is for posterity, just in case you go extinct. 1.3017 0.04931 116 85 27 4
1216 Don't worry, it's not permanent or anything. 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
1217 Yes, this is what you look like and no, it is not to scale. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1218 It just looks that way, the cave wall adds ten pounds. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
1219 Draw me like one of your French caves. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
1220 No Erick, it won't make it to the New Yorker, they haven't started publishing yet. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
1221 It’s a matter of perspective, okay? 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
1222 I just have to think of something funny to write underneath it 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
1223 Relax, I'm just getting to the tusks! 1.3008 0.04152 123 86 37 0
1224 Okay, I uploaded your picture to my Facebook wall. 1.3000 0.04822 120 88 28 4
1225 As you requested, I'm taking a few inches off your nose. 1.3000 0.04822 120 88 28 4
1226 If you want this to show you winning a battle with a tiger you're going to have to figure out how to get one to pose. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
1227 One word. Three syllables. 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
1228 I'm using long lasting paint, so we should be good for awhile. 1.2991 0.04585 117 84 31 2
1229 No, it is not an armadillo. 1.2991 0.05728 117 92 15 10
1230 And you think you can do better ? 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
1231 A smile, please. A little sort-of mysterious half smile. 1.2991 0.05328 117 89 21 7
1232 What do you mean "Draw me like one of your French mammoths?" 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
1233 Good. Keep your trunk down and tusks up. 1.2991 0.04896 117 86 27 4
1234 I know you're naked....but it's ART! 1.2991 0.04896 117 86 27 4
1235 And just how would you like me to show your “incredible memory”? 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
1236 You aren’t fat. Charcoal adds 200 pounds. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
1237 Paint me like one of your French mammoths. 1.2982 0.05127 114 85 24 5
1238 Well, you are somewhat stout. 1.2982 0.04814 114 83 28 3
1239 Theoretically, nothing is set in stone. 1.2982 0.04814 114 83 28 3
1240 Is it OK if I post this? 1.2982 0.05127 114 85 24 5
1241 Keep still, I have to finish before you go extinct. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
1242 You try to capture 'inherent majestic grace' using a stick and some colored mud. 1.2982 0.05127 114 85 24 5
1243 Oh be quiet, I've got to start somewhere. 1.2982 0.05563 114 88 18 8
1244 I don't do portraits. I'm a cave man -- only side views. Now will you please turn! 1.2982 0.04973 114 84 26 4
1245 Why must you always dwell on the size of your tusks. 1.2982 0.04650 114 82 30 2
1246 Hold still. I’m loving the firelight reflected in your eyes. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1247 No, I’m not gonna make it bigger. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1248 You'll look like a woolly mammoth when I'm finished 1.2982 0.05127 114 85 24 5
1249 Give me that mysterious smile. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
1250 I don't know what cheese is either. Just trumpet something and hold it for a minute or two. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
1251 I said I could make you look smaller,not thinner. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1252 I promise no one will think you were truncated. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
1253 I got your good side. 1.2982 0.04480 114 81 32 1
1254 Uh, your butt actually IS that big. 1.2966 0.04861 118 87 27 4
1255 It's more of an abstract. 1.2966 0.05008 118 88 25 5
1256 I promise, no-one will see it. 1.2966 0.05008 118 88 25 5
1257 Well if you must always be in the room, let's get your portrait done. 1.2966 0.05008 118 88 25 5
1258 Keep your trunk on. I'll get to the tusks. 1.2957 0.04937 115 85 26 4
1259 Next, we need a creative caption. 1.2957 0.04937 115 85 26 4
1260 It's not you, specifically, more the essence of you in a post-modern reality. But, yes, I could make the tusks bigger. 1.2957 0.05380 115 88 20 7
1261 No, I won't airbrush out your wrinkles. 1.2957 0.04937 115 85 26 4
1262 For the last time - life-size costs extra - a LOT extra! 1.2957 0.05089 115 86 24 5
1263 I'll soon be a Master, Don! 1.2957 0.05089 115 86 24 5
1264 Hold still. It's a difficult tusk. 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1265 I know you said you'd pose for peanuts, but I don't know what they are. 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
1266 Which side IS your good side? 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
1267 Yes, this is your good side! 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1268 In 20,000 years you will be famous 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
1269 How'd you start that fire? 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
1270 I'm trying to capture a fresh perspective, whatever that means. 1.2946 0.05016 112 83 25 4
1271 It's called creative license, and I say it looks like you. 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
1272 It's not meant to be literal. 1.2946 0.04853 112 82 27 3
1273 Well, perhaps their subject matter was a little more cooperative in Lascaux! 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1274 Now remember, the limestone adds ten pounds. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
1275 The ad said 'Draw the mammoth. Win an art scholarship'. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
1276 Shall we do the kitchen in wildebeest? 1.2931 0.04900 116 86 26 4
1277 OK, you are here..... 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
1278 Did the assailant have tusks? 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
1279 You had to sneeze at exactly that moment. 1.2931 0.05197 116 88 22 6
1280 Less pensive, and more awe struck. 1.2931 0.04584 116 84 30 2
1281 You might not believe this, but I actually started out as a gatherer. 1.2931 0.04245 116 82 34 0
1282 This is just a rough sketch. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
1283 Scoff all you want now, cuz in a thousand years I'll be famous & where will you be? Extinct! 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1284 You're gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1285 This is a mammoth task. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1286 I prefer to call it "Naive Art". "Primitive" is so uncool. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1287 I call it 'Tiny Elephant' 1.2909 0.05967 110 88 12 10
1288 This is you in 10,000 years. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1289 Does this look like the perp who tried to steal your ivory? 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1290 Yes! But is it ART? 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
1291 If you turn your head a bit, you can catch the firelight on that right tusk. 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1292 You want the trunk bigger? 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1293 What do you think? It's my first trunk show. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1294 A pearl earring? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard of! 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1295 I did not make you look woolly. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1296 Evolution, mevolution. And I suppose you believe in climate change. 1.2909 0.05967 110 88 12 10
1297 Now we'll just add some happy little clouds. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1298 The wall always adds a thousand pounds. 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
1299 Hold still will you, this is going into National Geo's prehistoric issue 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1300 The saber-tooth got time-and-a-half because it had an agent. Also, teeth. 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1301 My big concern is that the place's new owners will paint over it. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1302 For the last time, this IS your good side! 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1303 Just a few more minutes....It's all mastodon. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1304 I'm trying to move away from Neo-Paleolithic Impressionism. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1305 Once I'm done, I'll post it on your wall. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1306 Can you show me "Paleolithic"? 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1307 Yes I noticed you have grown since I started. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1308 It begins with an 'E' and has 3 syllables. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1309 I'm tired of standing here. Why can't you just do it from memory? 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1310 Okay, now you draw me. 1.2909 0.04718 110 80 28 2
1311 Ok, now raise your trunk and give me a pout. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1312 You just don't get primitivism. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1313 Stop moving...I told you, the fire is just an illusion...we haven't discovered it yet. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1314 What do you mean, "now draw yourself under my left front foot?" 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1315 Don't look at me, the cave wall adds a 200 pounds. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1316 Yes, you are the elephant in the room. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1317 In case your memory fails... 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1318 Stand still, this will be pre-historic one day! 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
1319 What do you mean, not wooly enough? This is how you look! 1.2909 0.05826 110 87 14 9
1320 Ok, fine, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
1321 No! I won't make your tusks bigger. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1322 I told you, painting first, peanuts second. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1323 My early work was more abstract, but I feel like I am gravitating towards representational pieces these days. 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1324 Give me more pout. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1325 JUST THINK. THOUSANDS OF YEARS FROM NOW, THIS WILL BE THE ONLY EVIDENCE THAT YOU EVER EXISTED. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
1326 How do you spell that? 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
1327 We'll have our first retrospective in about 10, 000 years. 1.2906 0.04865 117 87 26 4
1328 Did your attacker have any tattoos? 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
1329 The cave adds 20 pounds. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1330 If you aren't happy posing for me, you can always run away to the circus! 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1331 Does this make your tusks look too big? 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1332 You're not the only one getting tired of the caveman cartoons! 1.2897 0.04970 107 79 25 3
1333 I’m happy to take off a few inches but I need you to smile. 1.2885 0.05053 104 77 24 3
1334 Don't worry--nobody's going to see this. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1335 This is only a sketch. The final version will be life-size. 1.2870 0.04567 108 78 29 1
1336 No, this does not make you look fat 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1337 Yes. I will get your horns in the drawing. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1338 Keep your trunk up or I'm going with the donkey! 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1339 “Trust me, this will make you famous”. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1340 Just a little more to the left, Paul. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1341 The charcoal add ten pounds. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1342 Anyways, the cave wall adds ten pounds. Everyone knows that. 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
1343 This better not end up on the web. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1344 Of course, what I'd really like to do is direct. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1345 It does NOT make your ass look fat. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1346 Don't worry, the drawing adds 10 pounds! 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1347 Now paint me like one of your Paleolithic girls. 1.2870 0.05742 108 85 15 8
1348 You're far away -- do I have to explain the rules of perspective to you again? 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1349 If you want it bigger, make sure an elephant never forgets his checkbook next time. 1.2870 0.05742 108 85 15 8
1350 Say tundra grass 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1351 ‘I’m going to call it Elephant’. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1352 That’s enough fooling around. Let’s focus on the tusk at hand. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1353 I don't care if your tusks ARE toasty, could you please stand still? 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1354 This technique could have prehistoric significance one day. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1355 Thank you for standing still for three months. The unicorn drove me crazy. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1356 I can make you look smaller, but not thinner. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1357 Fancy staying over for dinner? 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1358 Quit moving your trunk! 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1359 No, I said you're looking "tusky"! 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1360 Don't be so vain. Nobody's going to see this. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1361 I get it. You're a mammoth, but I've only got so much paint. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1362 How long is this going to take? I’ll be extinct soon! 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1363 Can you give me that iconic mammoth smile? 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1364 "I'd ask you to say, "cheese" but it is not invented yet. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1365 No, I can't just 'knock a few pounds off'. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1366 Just going extinct is no reason not to at least smile for me. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1367 Trust me, this is your best side 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1368 Ars longa, vita brevis. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1369 Well which side IS your good side? 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1370 It's not surrealist, you're just that fat. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1371 No one'll believe I got an elephant to pose for me. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1372 Well, someone has to acknowledge the elephant in the room! 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1373 I know, I know...you're mammoth. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1374 When first starting a diet, it’s best to visualize a future slimmer you. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1375 No, I will NOT make them larger! 1.2870 0.05742 108 85 15 8
1376 Hold still. Have to get this right before you become extinct. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1377 I guess I'd have to say my artistic style is still evolving. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1378 Here we go again with the "Make my tusks HUGER...." 1.2870 0.05891 108 86 13 9
1379 Now turn sideways while Gorg pretends to throw a spear at you. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1380 I know your trunk isn't sticking straight out, it's called artistic license. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1381 There; now no one say Torg 'ignore elephant in room' again! 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1382 No, I don't think it makes your butt look big. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1383 Okay now play dead so I can draw the next scene 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1384 I'm all out of ivory white. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1385 It's not meant to look exactly like you. I'm experimenting with Pre-Impresssionism. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1386 And after the surgery your nose will look loke this. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1387 Before you get upset, remember that the wall adds 10 pounds. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1388 Gladys, I think it's time we address the elephant in the cave. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1389 I guess I'd call it Post-Neanderthal Realism. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1390 it’s called prehistoric minimalism 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1391 Turn a little bit more to the left, please. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1392 Trouble is, people never truly appreciate art till we’re dead. 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
1393 They won’t know you were in the room. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1394 Don’t worry, I’m sure no one will ever see this. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1395 Look, I paint what I see. You just aren’t as thin as you think you are. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1396 Try to show a little more leg. 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
1397 Wow... The cave drawing really does add 10 pounds. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1398 Let’s see a little more tusk! 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1399 No, this drawing does not make you look fat. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1400 The wall adds 10 pounds. Honest! 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1401 Oh don't exaggerate, your tusks aren't that big 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1402 The cave wall adds ten pounds. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1403 Look, you want Thomas Kinkaid, you hire someone else to do your portrait. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1404 No, I don’t think it makes you look fat. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1405 C'mon...Angry! Give me Angry! 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1406 I'll note that images on the wall may appear smaller than they are. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1407 Stay still. I want to preserve you. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1408 You said smaller. If you wanted slimmer, you should have asked for slimmer. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1409 Why does Bob Ross make this look easy? 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1410 I'm going to leave the tusks off because it will make you look less extinct. 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
1411 have you considered a nose job? 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1412 Do I really have to pose naked? 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1413 But you are fat. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1414 Funny thing, my next customer after you is a donkey! 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1415 Just wait, you'll be famous in 3600 years. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1416 Are you kidding? It looks just like you! 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1417 This painting will make you so famous that someday you will symbolize lower taxes, and an oil rig in your own back yard. 1.2870 0.04931 108 80 25 3
1418 At least TRY to look presidential! 1.2870 0.05891 108 86 13 9
1419 It's post-prehistoric style, okay? 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1420 Again, how long has he been missing? Are you sure he isn't just extinct? 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1421 We’re done. You can get dressed now. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1422 No, I'm not showing the tusks - people will kill for them. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1423 Relax! They won't know that I didn't hunt you down! 1.2870 0.05742 108 85 15 8
1424 hold still not everyone has your memory 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1425 Cave walls really aren't my preferred medium. 1.2857 0.04430 105 75 30 0
1426 ...and if you REMEMBER our agreement, and I know you do...the trunk needs to be EXTENDED....EXTENNNDED. 1.2857 0.05141 112 85 22 5
1427 I happen to like 'white elephant art.' 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1428 You seem to be having trouble with Pictionary. How about charades? 1.2857 0.05012 105 78 24 3
1429 Let's review: You need one portrait for your passport, and you desire a second one for your mother? 1.2844 0.05544 109 85 17 7
1430 My agent says do to this until there’s a market for abstract impressionism. 1.2844 0.05064 109 82 23 4
1431 Yes, posing naked is part of the job. 1.2844 0.05229 109 83 21 5
1432 C'mon, work with me! Let me see that personality! 1.2844 0.04532 109 79 29 1
1433 I know it's not a faithful representation, but the trunk looks better this way. 1.2844 0.04716 109 80 27 2
1434 Nudes are my specialty. 1.2844 0.05229 109 83 21 5
1435 I can't seem to get the smile right. 1.2844 0.05389 109 84 19 6
1436 Can you make my trunk look bigger? 1.2844 0.04532 109 79 29 1
1437 You should talk? I've seen your paintings. 1.2844 0.04341 109 78 31 0
1438 If you want to switch parties, fine! But in this cave we still vote Neo-Pachyderm. 1.2844 0.05544 109 85 17 7
1439 Martha, your ass looks fine! 1.2844 0.05064 109 82 23 4
1440 When we started this, it was erect. I'm not changing it now. 1.2843 0.04902 102 75 25 2
1441 Well you call it Primitive but I'm telling it's Figurative and that's what your nose looks like. If anything I've made it smaller. 1.2843 0.04902 102 75 25 2
1442 What do you mean by reductive? 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
1443 You'll be safer if I don't draw in the tusks. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1444 I know you could work from memory, but I need you to stay put. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1445 Just hold still and I'll finish before you're extinct. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1446 I’ll do my best, but the wall adds five pounds. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1447 You moved your trunk again! 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1448 As you leave, could you please ask the saber-toothed tiger to come in. 1.2830 0.04972 106 79 24 3
1449 Don't worry. The wrinkles come out in post-production. 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1450 Could you just stop evolving until I finish this? 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1451 Of course it's derivative. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1452 I haven't discovered perspective yet. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1453 Have you been a nude model for a long time? 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1454 No, I will NOT make your nose look smaller. I'm a realist. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1455 I know I didn't draw them in. They look fake on you. Are they implants? 1.2830 0.04787 106 78 26 2
1456 What I can do for you is a procedure called a tuskectomy. It’s very common for mammoths looking for a more youthful appearance. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1457 The agency told you you'd be posing in the nude, right? 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1458 It's not really a selfie if I do all the drawing. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1459 For the last time, stand still and quit going extinct! 1.2830 0.04787 106 78 26 2
1460 Ugh, the lighting in here is prehistoric. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1461 Remember, the cave wall adds 10 lbs. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1462 When the donkey arrives I'd like to do a political cartoon. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1463 Okay, okay. I'll make your tusks look longer. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1464 Calm down. I'm starting with your grandmother on your father's side who had no tusks! 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1465 I'M NOT DRAWING THIS TO SCALE - OK? 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1466 You think art is pointless? I promise you this will be here long after we are. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1467 Let me just finish this portrait of you, and then you can go play in the tar. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1468 Yes, it is too that big! 1.2830 0.05958 106 85 12 9
1469 Did you notice how short I made your legs? I call it the "Corgi Mammoth". 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1470 Yeah, I know, but you ARE fat. 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1471 Ok, I may not be a Leonardo, but you certainly are no Mona Lisa! 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1472 I'll draw full-size once you invent the ladder. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1473 Okay, we've got a big nose, big enamels, now how about a big smile! 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1474 Hold still or you're going to look like an elephant! 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1475 Is that how you want to be remembered? 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1476 I'm just saying, without a better profile pic, you'll never find a mate. Then, where will you be? 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1477 Give me a little more profile. 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1478 Any other notable details? I'll send this image down to the station and we'll see if any matches come up. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1479 We're losing light. Think you can survive for one last session? 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1480 Thank you letting me post this on my wall! My followers love elephants. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1481 Hold still .... I want to finish before you go extinct. 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1482 Give me more of that pouty look. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1483 Give me a break, this isn't Lascaux. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1484 This is just a rough sketch with primitives. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1485 Yes, you have to be naked. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1486 What's the rush? It's not like you're going extinct. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1487 You can forget about that that modeling fee. We're both working for peanuts. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1488 If you mention the size of the tusks again, I'm going to turn it into a labradoodle. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1489 Now for the tusks. On a scale from 0 to Trump, how self-aggrandizing would you like? 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1490 I told you before that passport paintings take at least an hour. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1491 What say we knock off for the day and hit the ol' watering hole? 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1492 One day you’ll be famous as the first elephant in the room. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1493 Of course it’s you! 1.2816 0.05921 103 82 13 8
1494 Don't be silly - it's not pornographic if you don't wear clothes in the first place! 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1495 Now, give me that Mona Lisa smile 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1496 The charcoal always adds ten pounds. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1497 No, I will not make you look slimmer. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1498 And thus ends our sex-ed class! 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1499 I can post whatever pictures I want to on my wall. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1500 I'm sorry, but you just don't have a good side. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1501 Stop complaining. I paint the way I see it. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1502 Alright already - I gave you a smaller nose. 1.2816 0.04862 103 76 25 2
1503 You don't look mammoth. 1.2816 0.04862 103 76 25 2
1504 Welcome to the GOP Convention 2019 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1505 Now give me that Mysterious Smile. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1506 just sayin, you're a bit long in the tusk 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1507 Don't expect my best work; you're paying me peanuts. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1508 I'll debut this at my trunk show. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1509 Plato's gonna get a kick out of this. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1510 The first critic! 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1511 You're beautiful, work with me. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1512 Look, if you'd try Paleo, perhaps your butt wouldn't be mammoth 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1513 We'll have to speed this up, I have other models coming in. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1514 No, I won't exaggerate the size of your trunk and tusks. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1515 What "good side"? 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1516 So... am I hunting you or you're trampling me? 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1517 Do we need to start with the birds and the bees or can we just cut to elephant boys and girls? 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1518 Is there any other feature you remember of who stole your peanuts? 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1519 In this age, you either publish or perish 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1520 Well, I don’t see YOU picking up a paint brush! 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1521 Keep your trunk still if you want to finish this before the end of the ice age 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1522 It's art. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1523 Entry in the Mammoth prize competition: "The Elephant in the Room" 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1524 Yes, I'll make the tusks bigger. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1525 I know, I know, the cave adds ten pounds. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1526 Sneeze one more time and this session is over. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1527 But your tusks are what make you you... 1.2816 0.04862 103 76 25 2
1528 Nobody will believe those tusks, trust me. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1529 Well, what do you expect!? I'm a friggin' caveman! 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1530 If you move I cannot give you 2 tusks. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1531 No, I will not lengthen your tusks. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1532 I'm sorry it's so two-dimensional, but perspective hasn't been invented yet. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1533 I know the tusks aren't to scale - it's for the National Portrait Gallery, not the White House. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1534 Okay, Say cheese. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1535 Quit whining, the Republicans will never pick you anyway. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1536 I tell you, that Paleo diet really has done wonders for your jowl line. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1537 You're part in the play will be to pretend to play dead when we put spears here, here, and here. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1538 You'll forgive me if I miss a few details—the lighting in here is terrible. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1539 Pleistocene sales are weak but the critics are predicting a hot Holocene. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1540 No, I can’t give you a Mona Lisa smile. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1541 So it's not enough to pose for me, you gotta be a critic, too? 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1542 I usually do at least five of these before I have one I feel good about. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1543 You're right! You do look better with a nose job. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1544 They say that the stone adds 1000 pounds. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1545 Yes, you did move. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1546 How long do I have you for? 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1547 Keep that friendly, but fierce look 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1548 I know. It doesn't look like you. I call it Impressionism. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1549 Next we’ll do one with you in wool. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1550 The fire stays. It puts you in the best light. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1551 Yes, I know you're not this small. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1552 No, I'm not making your trunk too small. What are you, a Trump elephant? 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1553 That mysterious smile will get us nowhere. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1554 No, tusks are an element of patriarchal dominance. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1555 Yes, but could you make just a little effort to smile? 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1556 Does mammoth have two ems or three? 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1557 Well, you don't exactly look like the Mona Lisa, either. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1558 You might never forget, but I need a picture. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1559 Realism is so last epoch. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1560 I'm just making an artistic statement, okay? The tusks are a little too much. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1561 I am leaving the tusks out because they make you look bestial. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1562 Great! Alright. Now give me some pouty lips. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1563 I know it is primitive but someday cartoons will be all the rage 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1564 In a few thousand years you might become a Republican. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1565 Hey! I said don’t look yet! 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1566 You're so vain, you probably think this is about you. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1567 Look like you forgot something. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1568 Do you think you could draw it better? 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1569 No, I am clearly -not- ignoring the elephant in the room. See? It's right there. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1570 Fuck off, I'd like to see you do better. 1.2804 0.05602 107 84 16 7
1571 This is not you. It's the Platonic ideal of you. 1.2804 0.04750 107 79 26 2
1572 How can you be an art critic? This is the first work of art! 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
1573 Thanks for filling in. The saber-toothed cat fell into a tar pit. 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
1574 I always have trouble painting the nude figure. 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
1575 Trunk up, damn it! Trunk up! 1.2804 0.05108 107 81 22 4
1576 No one will see this five years from now. Why are you so worried about a few extra pounds? 1.2804 0.04560 107 78 28 1
1577 Whaddya mean I would be better off hiring an interior decorator? 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
1578 Don’t worry. This is a first draft. 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
1579 This is your baby picture 1.2804 0.04750 107 79 26 2
1580 I'm doing a whole series. I call it Neanderthal Geographic. 1.2804 0.05277 107 82 20 5
1581 You say, he mounted you from behind - did you notice any distinguishing characteristics? 1.2804 0.04932 107 80 24 3
1582 C'mon Mona, where's that smile? 1.2804 0.05108 107 81 22 4
1583 You can rest in a minute, just stop evolving! 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1584 The cave paint always adds ten pounds. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1585 No, no, no, My tusks are HUGE, HUGE! 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1586 Do you think it looks like Babar? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1587 No, I don't think it makes your butt look big. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1588 You are not fat. You are Rubenesque. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1589 This just the IDEA of an elephant. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1590 Are you sensitive about how I do your tusks? 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1591 No, your butt does NOT look too big. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1592 Hold still. I don't want you to be extinct before I finish this. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1593 I'm sorry if I seem a little frightened -- I've never drawn a nude before. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1594 I know, they're HUGE...just give me a minute. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1595 This is the last time I help you with a personal ad. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1596 For an upcharge, I can add more wool around your face, lengthen your tusks, and fill out your backside. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1597 What do you mean that's not how you remember it? 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1598 It's called scale, alright! Don't be so sensitive, my wall is only so big! 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1599 No! It does not make you look heavy. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1600 I might not have enough paint for the tusks. How do you feel about being remembered as vaguely anteater-like 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1601 Wildlife and hunters -- that's all people want in their caves these days! 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1602 Or course you don't look fat 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1603 Paint me like one of your Lascaux girls. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1604 Because, believe it or not, a day will come when you WILL forget. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1605 Wall add 10 pounds 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1606 I call it 'Portrait of the Elephant in the Room'. You got a problem with that? 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1607 Please -a little "Mona Lisa" smile won't hurt. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1608 Just think, in 40,000 years you'll be famous 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1609 Well, your nose IS big. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1610 No, I just do the drawing. You have to come up with the caption. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1611 Because you are always nude. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1612 What could you possibly understand about minimalism. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1613 I'm giving you a little more gravitas. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1614 I don't know Roger. It's lacking drama. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1615 Work with me here; stop closing your eyes! 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1616 Of course it doesn’t look like you; it’s pre-modernist art! 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1617 No, I can't make the trunk longer. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1618 Come on, can't you just keep it up for a minute longer? 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1619 I’ll draw a few more of you, add a few stick figures, and you watch ... we’ll be famous! 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1620 You can put your clothes back on now. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1621 Don't tell me you've forgotten? It's called minimalism 1.2772 0.04692 101 74 26 1
1622 Hold still, Lisa. I'm trying to capture that enigmatic smile. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1623 I've shortened the tusks to give you a more modern look. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1624 I agree. Mick drew your ears too small. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1625 Why? So people will know what you looked like if you go extinct! Now, up with that trunk and smile. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1626 I'm going for understatement of mammoth proportions. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1627 Yes, I can draw it so your trunk appears to look at a viewer anywhere in the cave. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1628 Don't complain it doesn't look like you. It will in 20,000 years. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1629 It's called "rubenesque". 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1630 Look, when you signed the release you knew you might be posing nude. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1631 Come on. No one will ever believe you were all that big. 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1632 One day this will be known as Mammoth Cave. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1633 I dumbed it down to keep it family friendly. 1.2772 0.04692 101 74 26 1
1634 I like painting pictures of my food before I eat it. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1635 Yes, I'll make sure the tusks look REALLY large! 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1636 What'd you expect from The New Yorker? 1.2772 0.04692 101 74 26 1
1637 Everybody's a critic these days! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1638 When we discussed scale, I meant pay scale! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1639 She told me I needed to do more than just hunting for her to stick around. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1640 The sonogram results will take one more stroke. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1641 You might never forget but we will 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1642 The firelight hides your wrinkles. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1643 Well you draw it, then 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1644 If you don't stand still you'll end up looking like a dog! 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1645 Next time you want to point something out to me, use your words! 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1646 Paleoconservatives have commissioned a new symbol. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1647 For the last time, turn to the side! Try to look flat. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1648 A little more expression, please. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1649 Yes, yes, I'm sure this is your good side. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1650 I only do herbivores. Carnivores get hungry. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1651 President Trunk poses for his official portrait. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1652 What? I call it a caricature. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1653 I'm getting real tired of being your mirror, Greg. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1654 they say the walls add 10lbs 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1655 When we are dead, this is going to be worth millions, now stand still! 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1656 I call it, "Mastodon in the Room" - it's sure to catch on. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1657 Tsk-tsk yourself! Let's see you try to draw me! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1658 Want me to airbrush out your stretch marks? 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1659 I thought you said that was your good side. 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1660 Everybodys' a critic. Stop already with the tsks, tsks. 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
1661 But global warming is a hoax! You will just love Africa, fur coat or no! 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
1662 This is a drawing of you for posterity - just in the event that you become extinct. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1663 I know what you are. It's still called rhinoplasty. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1664 Look, pretty soon we'll both be extinct. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1665 Don’t worry, it’s just for practice, no one’s ever going to see it. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1666 Stop kvetching, I see my ophthalmologist next week! 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1667 What do you mean it doesn’t look like you! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1668 No, it really is that big. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1669 What do you mean by “Too representational?” 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1670 Did you have those surgically enhanced? 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
1671 No, I don't think this color makes you look flat! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1672 They say a picture is worth a 1000 herds. 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
1673 join now during our in cave special and I’ll have you looking like this in 6 months. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1674 Do you want to be remembered 3,000 years from now as the elephant with the droopy trunk? 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1675 It will be like you're frozen in time 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1676 For the last time, no I do not have any peanuts. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1677 No one is going to believe me if you don't hold still! 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1678 Great look! Now hold that expression. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1679 Caricature is the future! 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1680 I think this mural captures the zeitgeist of the stone age. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1681 You bring more firewood and I'll carve you bigger tusks. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1682 Next time we'll do one clothed. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1683 Relax, it's to scale. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1684 Stop evolving! 1.2772 0.04692 101 74 26 1
1685 It will be ready when it's ready. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1686 No, I will not give you a mysterious 'come hither' smile. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1687 You’ll need this to board the plane . . . 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1688 Draw me like one of your Lascaux girls. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1689 His ears were bigger and he was holding a large boulder in his trunk 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1690 Don't worry, I will downplay the nose. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1691 Actually, it hasn't been done before. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1692 Look, it’s not the painting that makes you look fat. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1693 Look, we all start going bald at some point... fine, I'll add more hair. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1694 Don't like it? No problem, it's only temporary. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1695 So everybody is a critic now! 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1696 I know, I know. It's just in case WE forget... 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1697 I look terrible - delete it! 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1698 I'm sorry, but cave drawings always put on ten pounds. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1699 This ID should get you though the ICE age 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1700 I told you just 2 minutes ago; you don't get the roasted peanuts until the painting is completely done! I hate to tell you this, but your short-term memory is shot! 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1701 I can never get the nose right. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1702 If you don't like it, you invent painting. 1.2762 0.05327 105 81 19 5
1703 Trust me, it's your better side. 1.2762 0.04784 105 78 25 2
1704 Okay, get your trunk up. Break's over! 1.2762 0.05496 105 82 17 6
1705 Yeah, well, the cave wall adds 20 pounds. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1706 I am not going to add wings and devil horns just to “Mess with the minds of future scientists.” 1.2762 0.05327 105 81 19 5
1707 Yes, your butt does look that big. 1.2762 0.04972 105 79 23 3
1708 Don't worry, everyone looks 10lbs heavier on the wall 1.2762 0.05661 105 83 15 7
1709 Just a few steps closer. Trust me. It’s only there to keep us warm. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1710 Realism is so yesterday. This is modern art--it's not supposed to look like you. 1.2762 0.04784 105 78 25 2
1711 Don't worry: I'll caveshop it later. 1.2762 0.05327 105 81 19 5
1712 c'mon, look alive. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1713 Give me that Mona Lisa smile. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1714 This is what you will look like without tusks. Shall we remove them? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1715 No I can't make your butt smaller, it's mammoth! 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1716 Yes. OK. For another fifty bucks I can make your trunk look bigger. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1717 Look, I'm a realist. I'm not going to shave off 10 pounds just because it'll make you feel better about your portrait. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1718 They all say they won’t date someone without a good pic! 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1719 If you can’t hold still, someday they’ll think you were a giant anteater! 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1720 It’s not a phase mom, it’s who I am. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1721 Try that enigmatic smile again. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1722 I don’t do tusks. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1723 It’s your good side. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1724 If only my perspective weren't just one-dimensional. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1725 When I'm done you'll never forget it. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1726 Hold still if you want history to see your tusks. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1727 Plato said what? 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1728 Because I liked you better when you were a baby. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1729 Hold still. I'm capturing you before you start leaning to the right. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1730 First fire, now pictures, what next? A round thing I can travel on? 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1731 One more crack that it looks like a dog with a crooked nose and you'll find yourself just another woolly mammoth out of a modeling job. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1732 You think your trunk's tired, my arm is killing me. 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
1733 I'm hornier than that. 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
1734 Truth is, you're a bit long in the tusk. 1.2727 0.04499 99 72 27 0
1735 Yeah, your butt is that big! 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
1736 I left them off the drawing because they might frighten the children, ok? 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
1737 Pleasingly plump I'd say. But, have you heard of the Holocene diet? 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
1738 Need more light.Blow on fire 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
1739 I don't work for peanuts, you know. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1740 "One day they will find Picasso shared 2% of my DNA". 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1741 I'm getting 'woolly,' but I need more 'mammoth' from you. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1742 Yes, yes .... I’ll capture your subtle allure. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1743 Hold still. If we don't do this, they'll never believe we were both here at the same time. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1744 Tiny tusks make your trunk look bigger. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1745 No, of course I'm not trying to make you look fat. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1746 Oh? So now you're the expert on primitive art? 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1747 Yes, it definitely shows off the junk in your trunk 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
1748 This is a petroglyph...not a realistic portrait,Alphonse! 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1749 Okay, now give me, "flirtatious." 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
1750 It'll be a discussion piece: "Elephant. In the room." 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1751 This had better get us both discovered. 1.2718 0.05552 103 81 16 6
1752 Am I going nuts or did you draw me with two left feet? 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
1753 You must join me in Provence this Spring. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
1754 What do you mean I made you look like an elephant. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
1755 I'd like the smile to be a bit more enigmatic, if you please. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
1756 It's called artistic license. You okay with that? 1.2700 0.04683 100 74 25 1
1757 No I did not make you look fat, you are fat! 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
1758 This light really makes your trunk look smaller. 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1759 Barb's going with fossilization but I felt like this better captured my essence. 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
1760 Hold still because I need to get this done before you become extinct. 1.2700 0.04894 100 75 23 2
1761 If you don't hold still I'll never finish. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1762 That's it! Would you mind sending the donkey in? 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
1763 If your kid could do it better, why doesn't he do it. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
1764 For the sake of posterity, try to look a little more extinct. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1765 Yes, I remember saying it wouldn't take long. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1766 Stay still I’m trying to prevent you from becoming irrelephant! 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1767 And if you must know, baby elephants came from the sky. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1768 Paint me like one of your French mammoths. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1769 No, I can’t remember you if you leave. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1770 I see myself as being more a man in a cave. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1771 Damn it, I said stay still! 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1772 Tusk, Tusk, Tusk! 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1773 Had a Woolly Mammoth in here yesterday...acted like there's no tomorrow. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1774 Yes, I am glad we are both vegetarians. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1775 Thank you for not charging. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1776 Hold still, your selfie's almost done. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1777 Define Neanderthal. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1778 Stand still! You'll thank me in 20,000 years. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1779 Someday, everyone will be putting pictures of their dinner on their wall. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1780 I need more feeling! 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1781 We'll put up your picture, write a short bio & see if you get any likes. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1782 Don't worry. I'm a master, Don. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1783 Why do all you guys want a bigger trunk? 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1784 This is how you could look after only 30 days on a Paleo diet 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1785 You blinked. I'll have to redo it. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1786 Of course not...You don't look fat 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1787 You're lucky I picked painting over the piano. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
1788 I'm calling it Mammoth byFirelight. 1.2680 0.04521 97 71 26 0
1789 Yes, I know your tusks are your best feature. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1790 Hey, I hunted him, I ate him, I know what he looks like! 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
1791 Sorry. This is the only sonogram covered by your insurance. 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
1792 It's not graffiti! It's portraitture. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1793 Try looking like your about to charge at me 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1794 When I'm finished, then you can draw me. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1795 You may not think that it looks like you—but it will. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1796 Back off, buddy. Can't you see I'm making a shopping list? 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1797 All done! Our special today is two 8 by 10's and 10 wallet sizes in the caves of your choice 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1798 Now that I have fire I can see I need to work on perspective 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1799 A neolithic experiment in life drawing ended tragically when the sitter lost patience and trampled the artist 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1800 It does too look like you, and ‘yes’ left-handed is a thing. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1801 Hey, I'm an impressionist, not a realist. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1802 Yes, I'm well aware that some people will consider it 'derivative'! 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1803 I can't focus with you in the room. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1804 I told you, the cave adds ten pounds. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1805 No, I haven't forgotten to draw your tusks . . . they just aren't as long as you think. 1.2653 0.05901 98 79 12 7
1806 Stop thinking about climate change and smile! 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1807 How can I get a good picture if you keep closing your eyes? 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1808 Can you turn your tusks a little to the right please? 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1809 Great art never goes extinct. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1810 I'll bring out your inner Mastodon. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1811 What? It's abstrunk expressionism. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1812 That's it! Give me sassy! Give me sexy! 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1813 Settle down, no need to rush -- it's not like you're going extinct. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1814 Now bring in the donkey. 1.2653 0.04712 98 73 24 1
1815 Remove the double chins and whiten the tusks. Anything else? 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1816 'Please hold still, it's only a matter of time before we're both extinct.' 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1817 Next! 1.2653 0.05901 98 79 12 7
1818 Now pretend you are being attacked by a lion. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1819 Ok, I get it. You will remember this long after I'm gone. Now can we just get on with it? 1.2653 0.04712 98 73 24 1
1820 Is that REALLY how you want to be seen in 100,000 years? 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1821 I have invented cave painting. Now you can look young and handsome, forever. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1822 The tusks? Let's just call them my fee for painting your portrait 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1823 This is going on your permanent record. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1824 Can you make me woolier? 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1825 Relax, I'm an impressionist! 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1826 I'm trying to capture the illusive quality of your mysteriously coy smile. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1827 Whaddya mean, that's not your good side? 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1828 No, seriously. How big do you want the tusks? 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1829 Hang on...I've still got to capture the room. 1.2637 0.04901 91 68 22 1
1830 No! I already made your butt look smaller. I'm not going to make your tusks look bigger. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1831 You're a little long in the tooth to be posing like that. 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
1832 No. I won't make the ears smaller or give you less grey hair. 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
1833 Everyone's a critic. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1834 For now it's you. Eventually we'll call it the Party of Lincoln. 1.2637 0.05144 91 69 20 2
1835 If you have to sneeze hold it in. I just learned how to make that. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
1836 I need an enigmatic smile. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1837 Enjoy that fire pal, because the Ice Age is coming...whatever that is. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1838 Of course it doesn't look like you. I'm an artist and you're a republican! 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1839 Okay. Slip on the bathrobe and we'll take a break. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1840 I can leave the tusks out if you want a less poach-worthy look. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1841 Perfect. An emoji for the ages! 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1842 No comments from the peanut gallery! 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1843 This is in case they don't find our time capsule. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1844 Sometimes I think the only way you'd stand still is if you were frozen in a block of ice. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1845 We never agreed this should be life-sized. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1846 You said to make the nose a little smaller. Now, does THIS look like the guy who hit you? 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1847 Believe me, long-term you're better off without the tusks 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1848 You are big! It’s the caves that got small! 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1849 Mona Lisa you're not. So wipe that smile off your face. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1850 I'm done arguing.Cave light does not add a pound. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1851 I don't have time to argue with you. The saber tooth family is waiting and I'm on a deadline here. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1852 Two hundred thousand years from now they call it Photoshoping. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1853 If you don't stand still, I'm adding tons and tons of fur. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1854 No, your discounted price does not include a frame. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1855 Mmmm baby, work it, work it! Show the cave some love! 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1856 It’s not as big as you think it is 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1857 Try to look fierce. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1858 Damn it, SMILE! 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1859 a little less tusk! 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1860 No, you don't get paid extra for posing in the buff. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1861 This is mini you. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1862 I know you did mine by memory, but I'm just not there yet! 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1863 "I'd like to see you try it, Mister "I don't have thumbs". 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1864 It’s how I prefer to remember you. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1865 If you stand still a little bit longer you'll be famous in 10,000 years. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1866 Can you do it again? I think I blinked. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1867 No—it doesn't make you look ten pounds heavier! 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1868 Hey, take it easy, ok?! I might be no DaVinci...but you are definitely NO 'Mona Lisa'... 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1869 You can send in the stick figures now. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1870 Prehistoric Pictionary 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1871 Stay still! I want to finish before you're extinct. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1872 Yes, I know it's not to scale. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1873 You want Cubism? We haven't even invented the wheel yet. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1874 Can we talk about the elephant in the room? 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1875 Stand still, you will go down in prehistory... 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1876 But the tusks are a part of you. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1877 The guys with the spears should be here soon. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1878 I'll paint the tusks when I'm good and ready! 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1879 Stop blinking!! 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1880 Act a little more alive. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1881 Ceci n’est pas une mastodon. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1882 Thighs are painted to proportion. I invented fire but I’m not a miracle worker. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1883 If you can't stand still there are plenty of pigs in Sulawesi who'll work for half the money. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1884 No exceptions. Profiles only! 1.2632 0.04542 95 70 25 0
1885 Calm down, I'll make your tusks look bigger. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1886 Yeah, you’re paying, but I paint it as I see it. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1887 What do you mean, you prefer your right profile? 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1888 This could be you after mid-terms. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1889 Smile 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1890 I haven't fucking finished yet!!! 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1891 You moved. Have to start over again. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1892 Could you smile please? 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1893 By the way, I’m hoping you can stay for dinner. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1894 Should we talk about the elephants in the room? 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1895 So you think you could do better, Mr. no opposable thumb? 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1896 I'm trying to show your good side. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1897 You'll get your peanuts after I'm finished, just like we agreed. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1898 Oh, for heaven's sake! Is everyone a critic? 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1899 Every time you move I have to start over. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1900 It's for your own safety. If I include the tusks, ivory hunters will be all over this place. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1901 How would you know what your ‘best side’ is? 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1902 It's art. It's minimalism. Deal with it. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1903 I was given a 10,000-year residency. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1904 No, truly, the underlight is very flattering! 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1905 Thank you for posing in the nude. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1906 Hey, smile a little so some future anthropologist won't nickname you Wooly Bully. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1907 Goose me again and I'll give you a tattoo you'll never forget! 1.2632 0.06208 95 78 9 8
1908 No, I will not make your trunk look longer than it is. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1909 So what do you think of the paleolithic filter? 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1910 Let me draw you before you become extinct. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1911 Don't worry, firelight is very forgiving. 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1912 What do you mean...it's too painterly? 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1913 Okat,...can you turn your trunk to the left and let's try it without the tusks. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1914 Quit complaining, it's just the first draft. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1915 I'm really more of an impressionist... 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1916 So, this is what you will look like without your tusks 1.2626 0.04887 99 75 22 2
1917 Hang on, don't move, but...was that mouse there before? 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1918 What did you expect? I said I'm Paleo Picasso... not Pablo. 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1919 What do you mean "It's trademarked"? 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1920 Give me the brush. You did my trunk all wrong... 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
1921 Of course, it's primitive look around. 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
1922 But how will they know if it is completely accurate or not? By the time these caves are discovered, we will all be extinct. 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1923 It's stone on wall. We have to go to Grog's studio to do oil on canvas! 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1924 Oh, cute, maybe your snout would like to take the brush. 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
1925 Kehinde Wiley got to paint President Obama, and me? I'm stuck here with the opposition party. 1.2626 0.04887 99 75 22 2
1926 After ending Obamacare, stopping immigration, and defunding liberal colleges, the GOP turned its focus to its 2020 platform. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1927 Yeah, yeah, everyone’s a critic. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1928 Stop moving! I want to finish this before it gets really, really really cold. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1929 Let’s pick this back up again tomorrow, I’m losing the good light. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1930 The lighting in this studio sucks 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1931 I haven't had the tusk lesson yet. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1932 Don't move...this is for posterity. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1933 Now let me see that enigmatic insouciance. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1934 If I leave your tusks off, they'll leave you alone! 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1935 This will be better than finding your fossils, trust me! 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1936 Oh yah, well I'd love to see you do any better, Mr. "I-Have-A-Process." 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1937 Yea I know I'm no Da Vinci. And in case you haven't noticed, you ain't no Mona Lisa either. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1938 Whoa! You weren't supposed to see this. 1.2600 0.04845 100 76 22 2
1939 Let's see YOU do one that's better. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1940 I'm a minimalist big guy. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1941 Objects in shelter are closer than they appear. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1942 Do you even know what 'enigmatic' means? 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1943 Stand still! This will go down in history. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1944 Now, just the tiniest little smile. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1945 Fred begins his Pachyderm blue period." 1.2600 0.04845 100 76 22 2
1946 It's called photoshop. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1947 I think it's great that you decided to set up a profile. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1948 Would you feel comfortable taking off your tusks? 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1949 Don't know why we're even bothering, nobody is going to care how long your trunk was come next week, never mind 4 million years from now 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1950 Stop saying “tsk, tsk.” I haven’t learned to paint them yet. 1.2600 0.04632 100 75 24 1
1951 Trust me. For trunk pics, it'll look more mammoth if it's less wooly. 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1952 The tusks will be an extra two rocks. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1953 You want to be PINK! 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1954 This is not an elephant 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1955 You're not fat, the petroglyph adds 20 pounds. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1956 At least the modeling is over. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
1957 I hope he tastes better than he paints. 1.2584 0.04933 89 67 21 1
1958 I don't have any peanuts in my budget, but I can pay you in exposure. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1959 I can’t do this if you keep dropping your nose. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1960 If you can’t stand still, people will think you were fatter then your descendants. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1961 I'm tired of the "which is your better side" argument, and I'm not about to switch sides of the cave now. 1.2584 0.04933 89 67 21 1
1962 Masta Don, I presume. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
1963 The donkey also wouldn't smile. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1964 I’ll need you for the ceiling. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1965 I’ll finish the portrait when you return from vacation. By the way, why did you choose La Brea? 1.2581 0.05902 93 75 12 6
1966 Stop moving! I’m working on perspective. 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
1967 Sorry, they say cave drawings add a few pounds. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1968 THIS IS A GIRL MASTADON....YOU HAVE TO TREAT THEM DIFFERENT, DUMBO.... 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1969 I work for peanuts too. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1970 If you're not happy with this drawing, do it yourself! 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
1971 This size is only a representation; I know that you're mammoth. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1972 Since you'll be the symbol of the Party that takes away protection against killing you and your family for parts or fun, let's leave out the tusks on this portrait.... okay? 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1973 This will evolve to an online class. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1974 Suddenly you're a damn art critic? 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1975 If I had a real light, I would have painted you on the ceiling. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1976 For a few bucks more I can add tusks and a longer trunk. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1977 OK, you want "Friends Only," ... what should I put down for your "Status?" 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1978 Take a break—I’m going to add the spears now. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1979 I'm not making it anatomically correct. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1980 Art's a long-term investment. Be patient. 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
1981 Is this your first time modelling nude? 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
1982 It's not my fault. The cave wall adds 100 pounds. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1983 I just paint what I see — I can’t help it if you look mammoth! 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
1984 Don't worry, your official portrait will be done on something more long-lasting. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1985 Okay, now show me demure. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1986 I swear, if this one doesn't sell I'm cutting off an ear! 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1987 No! Turn to the side--perspective hasn't been invented yet. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1988 You want perfection, buy a camera! 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
1989 What do you mean, you’re uncomfortable posing nude? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1990 That is your good tusk! 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1991 I know Ralph. You want urbane, dignified and conservative. But I'm seeing sexy with tones of flamboyance and risqué. Think Chris Christy. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1992 I usually don’t do nudes 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1993 Could you turn your head just a little to the right? 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
1994 Look, the mammoth I had in here last week didn't ask for a SINGLE break during his entire hour-long session. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1995 You’ve got good bones. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1996 Too literal? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1997 Hope you like it. I went a little less "mammoth" and a little more "woolly". 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1998 Hold still. We don’t want future humans thinking you’re wooly. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1999 The cave wall always adds ten pounds. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2000 If you don't stand still, I'm adding 500 pounds. 1.2556 0.06233 90 74 9 7
2001 It's a new invention of mine. It's called fire. Why? 1.2556 0.06430 90 75 7 8
2002 Quit moving! I'd like to finish this before you become extinct. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2003 What did you expect? You're paying me peanuts! 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2004 Guess again. Its not a mouse 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2005 One more time with the tusks and I won’t put them in! 1.2556 0.06430 90 75 7 8
2006 It’s your good side. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2007 In my opinion, Botox is not going to do it. You need some extreme Rhinoplasty. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2008 Should I paint a spaceship next to you, just to mess with the folks who discover me in 50,000 years? 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2009 What do you mean I'm creating unrealistic standards? We always take out your wrinkles post-production. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2010 I know it doesn't look like you, but it will. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2011 Five more minutes and I'll toast the marshmallows! 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2012 Try to look less posed. 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
2013 I'm trying to make you look younger. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2014 Probably not. More than likely they'll call it, 'The elephant in the Cave'. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2015 Keep your trunk up....I am not finished.... 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2016 It gives me goosebumps to think that people from a future generation will build their entire careers around studying my drawings. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2017 I'm gonna leave the tusks off...they just make you look older. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2018 You do to look like that! 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2019 No, I will not make your trunk look longer for posterity! (Italicize the word "not") 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2020 I'm not making you look fat. You ARE fat. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2021 It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2022 I can't do hair. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2023 I need my artwork to be seen as historic, not so much pre-historic. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2024 Steve, the volcanos are erupting. I think there are more important things to worry about than whether or not my trunk is too big in your drawing. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2025 I know your trunk is bigger, its called artistic expression! 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2026 Want me to make you a unicorn? 1.2556 0.06233 90 74 9 7
2027 Ok, I can't do this if you keep moving. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2028 His critics were savage. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2029 Oh, don't be so shy. I promise nobody else will ever see this. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2030 Wipe that smile off your . . . no, wait! 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2031 Can you try to look more extinct ? 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2032 If I include those teeth, it's going to really mess with whoever finds my drawings 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2033 Well if you think it stinks, you draw it! 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2034 C'mon...lift up your trunk a little...I promise, no one's gonna see these.... 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2035 Be sure you get my good side 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2036 Is it too much to ask you to look more "enigmatic"? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2037 Don't worry, no one will see this. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2038 I'm a mimilist impressionist. I'm not worried about the size of your tusks. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2039 OK, I'll make your trunk longer. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2040 Hold still. I need to finish your portrait before you become extinct. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2041 Trust me, after the flood you’ll be glad we took the time. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2042 C'mon baby! Work it! 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2043 Lighten up. I said it's a "distinct" likeness, not an"extinct" likeness. 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
2044 Objects on cave wall are closer than they appear. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2045 Lighten up, will you? 40,000 years from now, nobody will care! 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2046 You all think your trunk is larger than life. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2047 Stand still, pretend you are happy, this is what selfies are made of. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2048 No, I own the copyright but you’ll receive 40% of all sales. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2049 Stop complaining...doing your portrait is a mammoth undertaking. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2050 It’s called artistic integrity. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2051 Sorry but that's how I imagine you in the nude. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2052 No! I won't make your trunk look bigger. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2053 Sure, we would all like to lose a few pounds, but I’m telling you Paleo is a fad. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2054 Can you strike a slightly more enigmatic expression? 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2055 I don't like it. Rub it out and start over. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2056 Yes, I did not forget what you said at the last critique. You act like you are the only one with a memory. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2057 It's very disappointing that there's no new cartoon this week; could you please at least acknowledge when that's not happening and publish the date we can expect the next one? Thank you very much! 1.2556 0.06430 90 75 7 8
2058 ...a little less tooth on that smile... 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2059 Hold still. You will soon be extinct. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2060 All right,already! I'll take off a few pounds. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2061 THAT'S what you think I look like?! 1.2556 0.04886 90 68 21 1
2062 Next week on Lascaux's Next Top Model... 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2063 Staying warm indoors during the Pleistocene era, by playing the earliest-recorded game of Pictionary. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2064 Tusks are extra. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2065 I pay you peanuts because you're an elephant, not because you're my muse. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2066 They might or might not find your bones, but there's a much better chance this painting could show up thousands of years from now and give you your itty-bitty shot at immortality. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2067 I am telling you for the last time size does not matter. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2068 I am not going to keep making your trunk longer! 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2069 I'm tring to immortalize you here, stop fidgeting... 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2070 All right, already. I know it doesn't look exactly like you. It's modern art. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2071 I'm calling this series "National Geographic." 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2072 And this lighter area down the front will make your nose look less...bulky. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2073 Stop fretting, the cave wall adds ten pounds 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2074 With a longer handle to this brush I could come over there and paint a selfie. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2075 After the orthodontist deals with those tusks, this is what you’ll look like 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2076 No, I do not think this makes you look fat. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2077 Art history lessons at Lascaux: "Ceci n'est pas un mastodonte." 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2078 Ok, fine. I’ll give you hair. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2079 Are you wedded to that "tusked" look? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2080 I’ll include a caption when you invent writing. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2081 Is it E before I or I before E? 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2082 I cannot do those tusks justice. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2083 Well, what else did you expect? You knew I was a Primitivist when you hired me to do your portrait. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2084 They will not think that your trunk was six inches long. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2085 You think it makes you look fat? 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2086 I told you.You have no 'best' side. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2087 Could you turn a little to the left? 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2088 Oh you know what they say, the cave wall always adds 1,000 pounds. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2089 You don't have a 'good' side! 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2090 Don't worry, primitivism is all the rage. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2091 I don’t care if you’re a Democrat. Just sign the release. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2092 Of course it's a representation. No, your ass is not fat. Quit fidgeting. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2093 If you don't stand still, this is going to look pretty amateurish. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2094 Don't forget, this is how you'll be remembered. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2095 No, I did not make your nose too big. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2096 I keep telling you, I understand scale. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2097 I said, “I’ll draw the elephant in the room.” Not “I’ll address the elephant in the room.” 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2098 Should I put a foot note that says "not to scale?" 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2099 You're an elephant. Remember that. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2100 He looked just like you, but had no hair, and he said he was called an elephant. I said i'd never heard of such a ridiculous . 1.2556 0.04623 90 67 23 0
2101 Yeah.. now how about a half-smile? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2102 Don't worry. You'll look mammoth when I'm finished. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2103 OK, so you're no Mona Lisa and I'm no da Vinci. Let's just finish this. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2104 Don’t give that ‘art is extinct’ mammoth shit. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2105 It seems too conservative. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2106 Don’t give that ‘art is extinct’ mammoth shit. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2107 Don’t give that look—your trunk is that big 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2108 What do you mean it lacks perspective? Flat is good. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2109 This ain’t National Geographic, it’s for The Daily Beast. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2110 Will you please stop blinking? 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2111 (Caveman) What do you mean there's something a little wrong with the trunk? 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2112 You are "The elephant in the room." 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2113 Now, could you give me a full profile and lower those tusks just a bit? 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2114 Paint me like one of your cave girls 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2115 What do you mean, I make you look fat? 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2116 I'm aiming for The Met but I'll settle for Natural History. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2117 Now, don't move!! 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2118 Marta, get the scoop. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2119 Why not? Bison paintings are so cliché. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2120 Good, just move your head a little to the right. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2121 One more time, turn to the right so that I can capture the firelight glistening off your tusks. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2122 When I’m finished, I think I’ll name it after myself, “Master Don”. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2123 Hold still! Just because your species can draw from memory doesn't mean the rest of us can! 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2124 The one you did of me was MUCH tinier. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2125 Hard to believe, Jumbo, but I’ve known you since you were this high. 1.2556 0.04623 90 67 23 0
2126 A little bit of a smile would be helpful. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2127 Just think, Some Day Your Relatives Will be led in circles and work for peanuts. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
2128 Look alive. 1.2551 0.04426 98 73 25 0
2129 People will be admiring this for centuries 1.2529 0.04687 87 65 22 0
2130 The censors don't care whether or not it is flaccid. 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
2131 No, I'm pretty sure you did move. 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2132 Don't worry, the carving adds ten pounds 1.2527 0.04840 91 69 21 1
2133 Because wallpaper hasn't been invented yet. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2134 Grog use cave wall - assure your privacy. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2135 And you drew me with a huge forehead, so now we're even. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2136 Don't make my tusks look fat 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2137 I am not trying to make you look fat. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2138 I am just doing your good side. 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2139 Let me see you do better. 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2140 Hold on. I think I've captured your essence. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2141 Can I get you to make my ears smaller? 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2142 In the old days, you guys were wilder and woolier. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2143 It's a cartoon. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2144 No! I'm not going to draw it longer just to impress someone 500 years from now. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2145 It's not your spirit animal. It's mine. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2146 This is for posterity, so give me an enigmatic smile. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2147 Me write pithy caption now! 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2148 I know you won’t forget, but I will. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2149 It wouldn't hurt if you showed less tusk. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2150 First man who took picture of his meal. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2151 Stop complaining. It is a painting, not a photograph. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2152 Keep the tusks up. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2153 And now I am going to depict my life struggles 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2154 This is just your temporary ID. Your permanent ID will arrive in about 30,000 to 40,000 years. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2155 You know the wall paint adds 10lbs. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2156 I'm an Impressionist. You don't like it, find someone with an IPhone. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2157 Hey, no evolving! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2158 I hope it's not too "hunter-gatherer" 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2159 I'm a caveman - what do you expect? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2160 Watch and learn. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2161 Don't be upset, Petroglyphs add at least 15 lbs 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2162 Hold still, please. Right after fire, we're inventing art. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2163 Hold still or they'll think you're a mammoth. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2164 Some day you’ll be famous. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2165 They say the cave adds 10lbs 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2166 You're paying in ivory, right? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2167 When I'm dead this will be worth a lot. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2168 How do you keep those things up? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2169 hold still, I’m not going to be here forever. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2170 I brought you in from the cold. The least you can do is hold still while I get the tusks right. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2171 If you want to be remembered as you are, don't move! 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2172 No, I don’t think that it makes you look fat. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2173 It is your thin side! 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2174 No I CAN'T make it any bigger 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2175 I want to tell everyone who did all the pooping in here. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2176 Don't worry, I have Photoshop. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2177 Well then fine! Ochre it is! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2178 Hold still. I'm not good at tusks. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2179 No, you don't get paid 'til it's done. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2180 No looking till it’s finished! 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2181 Turn a bit further to the right, and hold it. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2182 What's wrong now? You said you wanted me to make you look younger. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2183 A switch to my paleo diet would help you shed those extra pounds. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2184 If this turns out blurry, that's your fault! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2185 And then you promise I'll have my cave back? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2186 I swear, you are the only elephant I have ever invited up to my studio 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2187 I'll call it 'The elephant in the room' and see if that flies. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2188 You want tusks how big? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2189 Ogg called it primitive. I say it's representational! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2190 For the last time: the tusks go on when you stop blowing out that fire! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2191 I needn't ask who forgot to take his Viagra this morning. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2192 Of course you were cuter then, but now you’re beautiful. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2193 But you DO have a week chin. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2194 I said give me more mammoth, not mastodon. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2195 Alright, but you're dating yourself. Tusks have been done and done. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2196 I am done with you. Go find some guys with spears now. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2197 Normally, I try to avoid cliches. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2198 For the last time, I am NOT drawing that to scale. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2199 You look less woolly in person. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2200 Some day you will appear on the cover of The New Yorker! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2201 You keep furling that trunk, we’re gonna be here all day. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2202 It's called realism. Get used to it. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2203 A little more to the right. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2204 Ceci n'est pas un elephant. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2205 Come on, you know the brush adds five tons. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2206 Ganesh, one day they will all worship you 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2207 Stand Still. Be fossilized. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2208 It's not small. It's mammoth! 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2209 Don't worry, everybody knows that size doesn't matter. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2210 You were supposed to roast the marshmallows! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2211 Sorry, Impressionism hasn't been invented yet. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2212 It's not supposed to be realistic. I'm a Pre-Impressionist. 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
2213 Can you make my tusks look longer? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2214 You didn't get my good side. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2215 No, I won't make your tusks look longer. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2216 I don’t usually use an agency model but this is going to be a painting for the ages 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2217 Relax. Don't be so self-conscience. Your ears look fine. In a millenia they'll be ten times the size. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2218 Hold still, no one has tried this before. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2219 Hey, shutup, its prehistoric, not postmodern! Everybody's a critic! Geesh! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2220 You can't be Kilroy because I want to be Kilroy 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2221 So, are you going to remember all this? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2222 it was suppose to be a surprise 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2223 I'm gonna make you a unicorn. I'm not good at drawing horns. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2224 No, darling. It’s all wrong. Rethink it. Less tusk. More trunk. And lose the gum. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2225 Yes it's small, but that will make your tusks look bigger. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2226 I can give you a full head of hair and make your tusks look HUGE if you’ll help move some lumber later... 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2227 Don't you start with your trumpeting. It's a new trend called minimalism. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2228 I know you’re upset about climate change. But come on, It’s almost done. Trunk up! 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2229 If I make you look any thinner, you won't be an elephant anymore. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2230 Because it’s how I see you—that’s why. Now hold still. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2231 Don't worry. The zebra will be smaller. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2232 It is your good side. No one will ever see it anyway. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2233 Plato's gonna love this... 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2234 What! Timmy's in the well?! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2235 Some day you are going to be able to say you had your portrait done by the man that discovered fire 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2236 Listen, you’re only here because it was hard to come by flowers, fruits, and a pretty vase. So get with the program! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2237 . . . so I won't forget. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2238 Well, preliterate publications have described my art as quintessentially "Upper Paleolithic." 1.2500 0.04642 88 66 22 0
2239 It's called Evolution...from you, to this, to.....Donald Trump?! Maybe you should seriously consider Extinction! 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2240 I will be done a lot sooner if you stop trying to blow out the fire. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2241 Move again and you’re extinct. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2242 So you made the fire. Big deal. This will be in the March 5th issue of The New Yorker! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2243 Look, everyone knows the cave wall adds 10 pounds. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2244 No, I won't give her bigger boobs just this once. 1.2500 0.04539 92 69 23 0
2245 I know there’s more to you than this but do you really think that 20000 years from now they’re gonna notice that I didn’t actually capture your true essence? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2246 im going to refer to this as art, after you,Art. so stay still, and you will be famous. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2247 Yes, it's you. That's how you look. Go away. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2248 Yes, this is the living room - why do you ask? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2249 You’re an elephant, I’m an artist......I guess we both work for peanuts. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2250 No, I will not make your nose smaller. Without artistic Integrity, I have nothing. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2251 Sorry, can't make it any faster with this selfie stick. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2252 Your smile is always the hardest part to capture. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2253 Stop complaining, I'm doing the best I can. Besides, no one else will ever see it. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2254 Why on earth would you want a rainbow coming out of your trunk? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2255 I think it's flattering. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2256 I decided to make you look younger. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2257 I need them for the piano! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2258 Early man struggles with the short narrative. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2259 Don’t quit your day job. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2260 Ok, now go out there and let’s do better in the second half! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2261 No, I don’t think it makes you look hippy at all! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2262 Quit squirming, we're losing the light! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2263 It will be worth millions in years to come. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2264 Smile! and just remember---this is for the ages! 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2265 OK ... I will make your trunk longer. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2266 So the tusks are too short. It's art. Get over it. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2267 It’s the *idea* of you I’m after! 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2268 My rendering of the elephant in the room. Pretty good considering I don't see you... 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2269 Any slower, and I'll evolve. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2270 I know it's the bronze age but I still dabble in the Paleolithic style. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2271 It's an homage. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2272 You'll survive longer if they think you have no tusk. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2273 This would be a lot cuter if you wore that adorable sweater I knitted for you. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2274 Not so, if I wanted all the credit I'd draw a picture of the hot sticks I made. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2275 Keep still and I´ll put in a good word for you at our next hunt. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2276 Its called neo-neolithic, actually. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2277 No, you're not my first. Have you heard of Mammoth Lisa? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2278 I’m calling it, ‘Mastodon in the Nude’ . 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2279 Well you weren't very generous drawing my trunk either. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2280 My in-laws are coming over, I thought it would be appropriate to have an elephant in the room. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2281 Extinction takes off ten years. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2282 You're my first plus-size model. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2283 I should have gone with the bowl of fruit. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2284 I'm not going for realism, ok? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2285 How do you spell your last name? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2286 It's called artistic interpretation, not fake news. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2287 Move again and no peanuts! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2288 Before I finish this portrait, can we please address the elephant in the room? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2289 I charge extra for family portraits. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2290 Quit bellowing --it's either draw you or eat you. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2291 Hold still--I won't be able to get this when you're extinct. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2292 It's not like leaving off the tusks makes you any thinner. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2293 This is why I can't play Pictionary with you... a peanut... really?!? 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2294 Your party's policies seem backward to me. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2295 "I'm calling it 'Woolly Mammoth'. 'Mastodon' doesn't capture your 'joie de vivre'". 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2296 Hold still! This is your last chance for immortality! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2297 Yes, if I had a better memory you wouldn't have to be here. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2298 Yeah, yeah, everyone’s a critic. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2299 How about a little less Woolly and a little more Mammoth? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2300 C'mon! I did what you asked and made your trunk and backside look smaller...So why still the poopie face?! 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2301 It's called fire and it really brings out the color in your eyes. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2302 You're not as wooly as I remember. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2303 I don't care if you suffer from TD, get that trunk up. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2304 Remember, please, this image is for the ages! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2305 If you must know, Gary, I’m working on my novel. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2306 Whadda' you mean slimmer? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2307 I don't look that fat 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2308 I agreed to the nude, not to the life sized. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2309 I want you to draw me like one of your Lascaux girls, Jarg 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2310 Donald and a Little Marco, The Prequel 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2311 Representation is a defence against the Real. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2312 What do you mean, "Draw me like your French mammoths"? 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2313 It's big enough! That's just an urban legend anyway. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2314 Yes, I realize that you don't pose for mere peanuts.... 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2315 "Of course it doesn't look like you. I'm a Primitivist". 1.2500 0.06312 88 73 8 7
2316 I'm not including the ivory tusks because those are no longer considered art -- it's a long story. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2317 ,Why can't you keep it up? 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2318 If you can't hold still there will be no walk through the tar pits. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2319 The cave wall adds a couple of pounds 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2320 You know what they say, 'Cave painting or it didn't happen.' 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2321 Man, is that really what I look like? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2322 The Republicans need a logo. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2323 Really? I look like an ant eater! 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2324 They're saying my art is just too B.C. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2325 It's called the unspeakable truth. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2326 Almost done, just putting on the final tusks. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2327 Quit moving or I'll invent the still life. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2328 The LasCaux's think their spotted horse is so great. You're going to be mammoth. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2329 This is my perspective. 1.2500 0.04642 88 66 22 0
2330 Well, it’s like Groucho said, ‘In Alabama, the tusks are looser.’ 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2331 The paintbrush adds 100 pounds 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2332 You're not fat, the wall adds 10 pounds 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2333 This is my early work. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2334 I can never get the tusks right. 1.2500 0.04642 88 66 22 0
2335 Relax. I can photoshop it. 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2336 What? I'm drawing you! 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2337 That's how big you think my ass is? 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
2338 Now, a little smile. 1.2472 0.06039 89 73 10 6
2339 I'm giving it a modernist feel. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2340 The day will come when we will surpass primitive art! A great artist will actually depict a tomato soup can! 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
2341 You DON'T look fat. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2342 I did NOT draw you fat. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2343 I'll try my best to keep you to scale. 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2344 Okay, I drew it shorter, but I still think you're being oversensitive about the length of your nose. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2345 I don't know what to tell you, I drew it proportional to your body. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2346 Hold still. This 'll be one for the ages. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2347 The glacier will keep, just hold still. 1.2472 0.04868 89 68 20 1
2348 er....because the tusks make you look fat. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2349 This is for posterity. What do you mean you don't remember? 1.2472 0.04868 89 68 20 1
2350 Don't criticize until I'm done. I've captured wooly mammoths, reindeer, bulls, and handprints like no one else. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2351 No, they won't. But they won't really know who the model for the Mona Lisa is either. 1.2472 0.04868 89 68 20 1
2352 No, I'm not going to "enhance your assets" for the drawing! 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2353 ....just try to smile in a more enigmatic way 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2354 Is that the mate you are looking for? 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2355 Models of your talent are nearly extinct. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
2356 I never said I was a realist. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
2357 Damn! Lighting is too warm. 1.2472 0.04868 89 68 20 1
2358 It's prepostmodern. 1.2472 0.06039 89 73 10 6
2359 I prefer naturalism. Modernism is a fad and we'll be here long after that's extinct. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2360 My parents are still disappointed I didn't become a mammoth hunter. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2361 Do you think it looks primitive enough? 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2362 Shorter? But it gives you such character! 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2363 Don't worry, this will get tons of likes. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2364 Quarter turn to your right, please. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2365 It does look an awful lot like the perp, but to be honest, we all look exactly the same. 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2366 Because elephants don't play poker, that's why! 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2367 You never forget, yeah. How many times do I have to tell you to keep facing left 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2368 Of course it doesn't do you justice. I'm a modernist. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2369 I am sorry but I need to leave space for others 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2370 look, you wanted this 1.2471 0.04706 85 64 21 0
2371 I didn’t want the focus to be on your trunktile disfunction. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2372 If you looked like this maybe I'd fuck you once in a while! 1.2444 0.05978 90 74 10 6
2373 That looks nothing like me. 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
2374 Sorry, the cave wall adds ten pounds... 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
2375 Ok, now hold your tusks erect but relaxed... 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2376 That’s because you ARE naked!” 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2377 You get the idea 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2378 Stay still or I'll have to invent the eraser! 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2379 Trust me. It's accurate. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2380 I'm telling you, Martha, the glow of the firelight will take ten years off of your face. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2381 I know it’s a little avant garde today but I think it will really get recognized in the next ice age. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2382 I am NOT fat-shaming you! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2383 It's called Impressionism, OK, so now hold still 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2384 I know it's not realistic. That's why I call it Impressionism. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2385 It's not exactly the enigmatic smile that I was looking for. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2386 Of course it looks like a potato. You look like a potato. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2387 In case you forget. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2388 You really need to go see the Mastodonist. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2389 It is you when your trunk didn't need viagra. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2390 I'm into painting and gathering 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2391 But on inside, Ug had passion for fine art. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2392 And don’t you forget! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2393 See? It looks stupid when I paint your trunk short. 1.2442 0.04660 86 65 21 0
2394 You want to be remembered, don't you? 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2395 Yes you do have a big nose Live with it! 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2396 I think I captured the depth of your existential dread. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2397 It's your better side. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2398 Longer horns? Sure, it's not like it's carved in stone. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2399 It's got to be a nude, it's for Playmammoth Magazine. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2400 I'm hoping to be discovered soon. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2401 Where have you been for the the past three years? You’ve gained about two tons. I’ll have to start over. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2402 I hate this as much as you do, but please stand still. They say someday I'll be discovered. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2403 Stand still while I paint the Mammath Lisa. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2404 I guess we’ll see in a million years if you’re actually big-boned. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2405 It does not make you look fat, and besides, no one will ever see this. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2406 Are you sure she was wearing figure skates? 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2407 As with many great artists, Zog’s masterpieces were met with indifference by audiences of the era. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2408 Don't worry about the action scenes; we'll bring in a double. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2409 Damn it, Mona, would a slight grin kill you? 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2410 See, this is the way I want your trunk to be -- straight out in front! And the tusks down, if you can do that. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2411 Yes, that is what you look like. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2412 Calm down. The big nose doesn't make you look fat. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2413 Now hold still, I can only do this once. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2414 I meant if you go extinct! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2415 Could you look more prehistoric? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2416 Yesterday I invented art. Today I invented artistic license, so I can draw you looking scared if I want to. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2417 You'll never forget this. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2418 The wall really adds ten pounds 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2419 For the last time, only the model gets naked! 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2420 NOW you tell me that's not your best side. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2421 You may not know this, but in a few years this moment will literally be frozen in time. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2422 Oh yeah? Well I might not be 'a cave-painter de Vinci,' but you're for sure no damn Mona Lisa! 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2423 No, I can't make you look 'less grey'. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2424 And that's how babies are made.... or you will become extint 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2425 Cool it! I'm not going to make you look fat. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2426 What do you mean it looks nothing like you? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2427 Impressionism. It's called Impressionism. You want Realism, you'll have to wait 12,000 years. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2428 Some say my depictions are primitive. But I see my work as having elements of modernist abstraction. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2429 I'm having a retrospective at the Museum of Natural History 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2430 No, you don't look a little "long in the tooth". 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2431 Wendel, I found us a home, made it warm, decorated it nicely. So what if I am wearing your mother? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2432 Hey, your five minute break's over. Get that trunk back up! 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2433 Next I draw the island, add a tree, come up with a funny caption, and we’re done! 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2434 Yes, your nose really is that big. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2435 No, I'm not Michelangelo. I prefer to think of myself as Picasso in his primitive phase. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2436 No you're not... the campfire adds ten pounds. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2437 Can you please tell your party to stop cuting funding for the arts? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2438 Listen big shot, long after you are extinct, they will revere me and my miniatures. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2439 This is you. Look at me. Do you see the problem? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2440 I guarantee, you will be remembered as a great beauty. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2441 Baby, baby, not so jocund; give Daddy that inscrutable smile one more time. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2442 Stop smirking, just because you're evolved doesn't make you special. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2443 And in a few days, you can swipe your trunk left for a new female profile. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2444 I know I haven't said much but I can't stop thinking about the fact that there is the elephant in my room. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2445 The original Fox News. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2446 10,000 years from now they'll call it a masterpiece 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2447 I know it's crude. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2448 I'm not certain that I can capture your true essence. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2449 I have told you a M times, quit swaying around! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2450 If you must know, any resemblance to actual mastodons, living or dead, is coincidental. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2451 I'm going to paint you like one of those French woolly mammoths. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2452 Don’t blame me. The limestone adds ten pounds. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2453 .. ok, ok, I’m not gonna make you look too toothy! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2454 So as far as you recall this is who squirted the water at you. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2455 Finding you a mate is gonna take forever if you keep swiping left. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2456 It's called "The elephant in the cave" i'm gonna feature it in my next trunk show. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2457 I know it's not an exact likeness, but art is supposed to capture the subject's essence, not its superficialities. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2458 The fire adds ten pounds. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2459 I only paint what I see, so yes, this is what you really look like. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2460 Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French Mammoths. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2461 No, art does not have to be life-size! 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2462 The Democrats picked a WHAT? 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2463 No, I haven't been to Lascaux. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2464 You know what's really wild? A troglodyte. Or, at least, their girlfriends are. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2465 You forgot again, trunk up... up! 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2466 I'm looking for more intensity 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2467 And you're no Michelle Obama. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2468 Sure, take all the time you need to draw me. It's not like the Pleistocene epoch is ending tomorrow. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2469 You go around the left side,I throw the ball to you and you take it in for a touchdown.We win. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2470 What do you mean, the style feels dated?! 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2471 This was your Mom, before we ate her! 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2472 I realize I’m no Picasso, but you’re no Ivanka Trunk. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2473 You moved again. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2474 This is becoming a mammoth undertaking. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2475 Stop smirking. This is your chance for immortality. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2476 As a starving artist, I can relate to getting paid peanuts for your work. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2477 Oh don't be so self-conscious, they say that the cavestone adds 250 pounds. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2478 Sorry but I only do neo-primitive... 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2479 I think I found the perfect shade of gray. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2480 Yes, it shows your eyes closed again. You blinked! 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2481 But you said this is your better side. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2482 I suppose the next thing you’ll complain about is disappearing megafauna, more Pleistocene fake news. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2483 I know it's not to scale. I'm not some kind of caveman. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2484 Stop wiggling your ears. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2485 Don't smile if you want to be able to use this for your passport. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2486 They will never believe I didn't just imagine you in a few thousand years. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2487 I know you do, but think of all the fun misinformation we can cause drawing you without tusks. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2488 Everyone's a critic. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2489 First I memorialize you; then I eat you. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2490 Do that in here again and your days will be numbered! 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2491 Let's see those pearly whites. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2492 Okay, I made your trunk shorter; should I include the tusks? 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2493 My therapist says if I keep at it I’ll get perspective. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2494 Keep in mind that cave drawings add ten pounds. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2495 You are really bigly big but I must draw you to the best of my ability for posterity. I cannot differentiate between a mammoth and a mastodon at this scale, but surely, your Siberia connection is unmistakable. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2496 Everyone's a critic all of a sudden. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2497 Don't worry...the cave wall adds 50 pounds 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2498 You have to stand sideways! 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2499 Will you stop with the spitballs! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2500 You are mammoth. 1.2442 0.04660 86 65 21 0
2501 Not for you. So I don't forget! 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2502 First, we have to address the elephant in the room. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2503 If I draw them that way everyone will think they are fake. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2504 And after we got priced out of Brooklyn, where else could we go? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2505 Yes, I know your tusks are bigger than that. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2506 Would it kill you to give me an enigmatic smile? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2507 Hold still and try not to look so serious. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2508 Work it! Work it! 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2509 Good. Now give me sexy vixen. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2510 What do you think, too tusky? 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2511 This could be worth something in a few hundred thousand years. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2512 your gender, please? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2513 It was life-size portrait when I started! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2514 Look, I don't really care about your guarantees. It's as plain as the nose on your face -- you do have small ears. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2515 The last pictures I stored on the cloud got ruined when it rained. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2516 I'm posting this on my wall for "Throwback Thursday." 1.2439 0.04771 82 62 20 0
2517 Stand still, or I'll really chase you with a spear. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2518 Move your head just a little to the right. The tusks are giving me trouble. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
2519 Me call it "Drawing by Thag, Contest #1, May 12, 7432 BC" 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2520 We also do cards, calendars, and collages. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2521 I said, don't look! 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2522 What? You want fifty shades of gray? 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
2523 I'm the only portraitist on this side of the glacier. This IS your best angle. 1.2414 0.04895 87 67 19 1
2524 Primitive? 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2525 Can't you remember that I told you not to move? 1.2414 0.04895 87 67 19 1
2526 What? Now you're an art critic? 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2527 I don’t need a critic ! 1.2414 0.06110 87 72 9 6
2528 Can you give me a little less tooth in that smile? 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2529 For your next lesson, we'll work on tusks. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2530 No, this does not make you look fat 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2531 Trust me, the President is wrong:, size doesn't matter. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2532 I think you're making me look fat. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2533 No, I did not make your nose too big. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2534 My wife wishes I would stop painting nudes. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2535 I'd like to see you try to get detail in this light 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2536 I don't know what to tell you - you need to lose a few thousand pounds... 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2537 That's not funny; do you want a tusk or don't you! 1.2414 0.04895 87 67 19 1
2538 You have not put on any weight, stand still 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2539 Hold still, dammit.... 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2540 So now, everybody's a critic. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2541 I’m rated one of the top artists of the Pleistocene age. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2542 I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2543 I told you already...the life-size version would take way too long! 1.2414 0.04895 87 67 19 1
2544 Draw me like one of your French Mastadons. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2545 I'm not going to get this right unless you stay still. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2546 Any thoughts on a winning caption ? 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2547 Now let's build some happy little trees . . . 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2548 Thus, the mammoth differs greatly from the mastadon. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2549 No, future generations won't think you're fat. Everyone knows a cave wall adds 10 lbs. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2550 Don't worry, I'll have Grog fix it in post. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2551 No, this is not where little elephants come from. 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
2552 I'm hoping some classy art will attract some women to the cave. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2553 Just this once, how 'bout a smile? 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2554 I'm losing light, stop moving. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2555 Take it from me that is your "good side". 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2556 Finally - someone is talking about the Elephant in the room. 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
2557 This is your Facecave profile. No tusks. They make you seem unapproachable! 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2558 I can't work while you're watching! 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
2559 You know, you really look good by firelight 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2560 No. I don't sleep with all my models. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2561 You didn't paint my good side! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2562 I can't believe my ears are that small. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2563 If we can get rid of the tusks your progeny will propagate the earth. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2564 You asked me to make you look thinner. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2565 Don't be ridiculous. The fire light does not make you look fat. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2566 I know your working for peanuts, but can't you just hold the pose for five more minutes. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2567 Now give me angry. A little more Jumbo, a little less Dumbo. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2568 Don't blame the artist. You're the one putting all that junk in your trunk. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2569 I left out your tusks. They'll never be worth anything. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2570 I have no idea but they'll write books about it. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2571 I know, but I only have so much grey paint. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2572 What part of “Turn 90 degrees counterclockwise!” don’t you understand? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2573 There's a song that goes with it, "Wooly Bully." 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2574 It's called primitivism, but I find that insulting. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2575 Stop moving, I don't want you to come out like a fuzzy mammoth. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2576 and that’s where babies come from. Questions? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2577 I wanna get it just right. You'll be extinct soon. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2578 Hold still! How do you expect me to capture your essence if you can't hold still?! 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2579 So, you're sure you want to go through with the nose job? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2580 This is when you were a baby, remember? 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2581 Now's a fine time to tell me your right side is the better profile. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2582 Mr. Mastadon, I said your descendants would be African Elephants, not "A Frickin' Elephant!" 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2583 Had you exercised more and ate sensible meals, you wouldn't be worried about my vision. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2584 Who made you a critic? 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2585 Stay limp like that and you'll go down in history as the party of inaction! 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2586 I can't hold this much longer my trunk is burning. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2587 It’s not as big as you think it is 1.2381 0.06250 84 70 8 6
2588 I know you have a good memory but I still think you should take notes. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2589 Sorry, the paintbrush adds ten pounds. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2590 Could you give me a smile that's a little less toothy, please. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2591 Trumpet to right if like. Trumpet left, Og draw new elephant. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2592 Would you please hold still--you're the LAST ONE. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2593 It's supposed to look amateurish. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2594 Want to enter my caption competition? 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2595 I didn't bring you in here to judge my art skills, Paul. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2596 Yes, I pay you peanuts, but you'll have exposure for millennia to come. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2597 Yeah it's another caveman cartoon, you got a problem with that? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2598 Look, I know it doesn’t look like you. But the guy who hired me just wants something that will last. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2599 Listen, I don’t care if you think your tusks are too small. You’re paying me peanuts! 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2600 If you think your kid could do it better, why hasn't he done it? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2601 How do you expect me to get it right if you won't hold still? 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2602 I tried one of those correspondence courses, but I’m mostly self-taught. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2603 Relax. I'm sure they know about shrinkage in the future too. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2604 Forget the wheel, I needs someone to invent a bowl of fruit. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2605 It'll be a mammoth artistic achievement. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2606 I'm just trying to think of a caption. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2607 Are you sure you don’t want a robe or something? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2608 If you never forget, then what's the point? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2609 Elephants may never forget, but men do! 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2610 I'd appreciate it if you would show up on time. I'd like to get this finished before the Ice Age. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2611 I won't always be around to sign your name, you know 1.2381 0.06250 84 70 8 6
2612 What? I’m an impressionist not a realist. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2613 No I did not make you look fat, you are fat! 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2614 Hey! How about one of you and your friends playing cards? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2615 You're paying for this in ivory, right? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2616 OK, OK don't rush me, it's hard to work in charcoal, but in 30,000 years you'll be famous, believe me. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2617 You are are actually much thinner, the ice adds 10 tons 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2618 Just a little bit longer, then we'll go relax in the tar pits! 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2619 No, I can't make you look skinny. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2620 I know that it’s not to scale! I only have a chisel- what do you expect? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2621 Relax...this will have no historical significance. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2622 It's like looking in a mirror, right? 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2623 MARSHMALLOWS? Never heard of them. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2624 Ok....keep your mysterious smile just like that! 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2625 I couldn't find a milk carton. This is the best shot we have of finding him. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2626 If I want to draw you wooly, then I will draw you wooly! 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2627 It’s representational 1.2381 0.04675 84 64 20 0
2628 I'm trying out this new "Paleolithic" style 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2629 I'm not going to argue! In the west, it's trunk UP for luck! 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2630 If you don't stop fidgeting, I'll just find me a bison who can. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2631 Don't rush me...I do the tusks at the end. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2632 You can't handle the tooth!!! 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2633 Fred's life drawing classes were a mammoth disappointment. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2634 Models are always forgotten. The artist and his work live forever. 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2635 You'll be hearing from my lawyer 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2636 Have I got the trunk right? Is this a reasonable likeness of the elephant that took your cabbages? 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2637 You of all people should remember my password! 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
2638 Will you try to look a little more natural? 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
2639 Hold still and stop leaning to the right. 1.2353 0.04628 85 65 20 0
2640 What do you mean "Walt is doing this in colour"? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2641 Hold still. This won’t last long. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2642 No, I don’t think this cave painting makes you look fat. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2643 'You look very stiff, can you do something wild and spontaneous?" 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2644 Your legs are supposed to look stumpy. It's a caricature. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2645 What? You're not funding National Endowment For the Arts! 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
2646 I know, I know, I won't forget the horns! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2647 You are not fat. The wall always adds 10 pounds. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2648 Yes, I know what having long tusks really means. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2649 Trust me...the tusks add 50 pounds. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2650 God, you're beautiful! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2651 When I'm through with this you are going to be a celeb. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2652 Just be happy someone's paying attention to you for once. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2653 No, it does not make your butt look fat. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2654 Trust me. No one will know how horny you really were. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2655 These days, without social media presence you might as well be extinct. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2656 Mark my words, someday other cave people come here and grunt out loud - "Grog good artist, truly original, ahead of time." 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2657 I don't care how much you adore your woolly coat...I paint nudes...end of story! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2658 I'm sorry, but if I don't draw you with a spear in your side, everyone's going to think I'm a wimp! 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2659 You’re big and stinky, yet I gave you a home, fire, and art; and you’re leaving ME ?? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2660 I'm an impressionist! I CAN'T painter you thinner! 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2661 No, really, thanks for posing! I mean, what with hunting and all... 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2662 Can't you stand still for 10 minutes? I can make you famous in 30,000 years! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2663 Well what else was I supposed to do with a Liberal Arts degree? 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
2664 I am NOT trying to belittle you. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2665 I don’t love it either. But maybe future generations will. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2666 Done. if you want wallet size, that's gonna cost extra. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2667 Can you make me look younger? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2668 Relax, this isn't my first cave drawing. 1.2346 0.04737 81 62 19 0
2669 Give me a smile now! The ice age is over. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2670 Please! The peanut breath is killing me! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2671 This is the best I can do. Hunting is my talent. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2672 Because your inner child doesn't have tusks! 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2673 Give me a Mona Lisa smile. You know, enigmatic. 1.2346 0.06400 81 68 7 6
2674 If you're going to criticize, you can go live in another cave. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2675 I'll let you take credit for fire, if you give me painting. Deal? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2676 Could you please lean a little less to the right? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2677 In about ten thousand years I'll be compared to Jackson Pollock. And you? 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2678 Can you take a quarter turn to the right so that I can see all of those beautiful tusks? 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2679 Don't worry---I can photoshop out your wrinkles. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2680 “Give me a break! It’s my first time sketching a nude model”. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2681 Stop moving, damn it! 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2682 This is how you'll look after the face lift. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2683 Because the painting adds ten pounds. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2684 The wall takes away 10,000 pounds. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2685 OK so I'm not Leonardo, but you're no Mona Lisa 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2686 Emphasizing the ivory is probably a big mistake 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2687 hold still. I'm almost done. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2688 Hey, this is a cave. It's supposed to look like a primitive painting! 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2689 Caves always make you look fatter. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2690 What the **** you lookin' at Ski Nose? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2691 I don’t know what to tell you, it adds ten pounds. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2692 I'm entering my prehistoric phase. 1.2346 0.04737 81 62 19 0
2693 Neanderthal jokes are so early Holocene. Think of something else. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2694 Hold still, or I’ll make you look hairy! 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2695 I'm calling it "Ella font." 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2696 Trunk up a little, please. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2697 I want "Raging Bull" -- not "Little Women"! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2698 You have to face it, you have a big nose. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2699 No, my friend, I'm leaving the tusks out so you don't look too horny.... 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2700 Yes, I got your good side! 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2701 I love how the light captures your trunk. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2702 If we take a little off the tusk, it will offer a much more youthful look. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2703 I'm sorry, I can only hold it up for so long! 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2704 Just a little more to the left. Perfect! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2705 One day your grandchildren will really apprec- oh wait, never mind. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2706 Hold still, you'll be extinct one day and I need to capture this! 1.2346 0.04737 81 62 19 0
2707 What happened to that "I've got a secret" smile of yours? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2708 What do you mean, I truncated your tusk? 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
2709 For an extra ten spot Mr. Trunk, I can make your tusks a lot more...you know..."manly" 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2710 No, you don't need a nose job. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2711 Well you're the one who cut the NEA budget. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2712 I told you to lay off the bulking powder until we were done. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2713 You were right charcoal does work, but I don't see it becoming popular with artists. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2714 Hold still. I’m trying to get your good side. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2715 I like to think of myself as a pre-Impressionist. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2716 I'm almost to the part where I add the spear. I'm going to need you to hold really still. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2717 Okay, okay. I'll draw your tusks larger. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2718 Let's have a little more tusk 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2719 Do you remember what the asteroid looked like? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2720 Keep your trunk up, please. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2721 Feel like a ride, after? 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2722 Don't give me that look.. I took off 10,000 pounds and left out the wrinkles like you asked! 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2723 Well, it’s not supposed to look EXACTLY like you, it’s an ABSTRACT cave-wall painting. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2724 What do ya mean, what's cheese? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2725 Yes, I can make you look thinner. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2726 'Don't worry, I'll put some leaves and flowers in the background to soften you up.' 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2727 I'm capturing your playful spirit NOT your exact image. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2728 "Harvey, I'm audioning for the part of the Wooley Mammoth. Why am I naked again?". 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2729 I'm sorry you think the nose looks big, but lets be honest . . . 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2730 Yes, of course I know the difference between a wooly mammoth and a mastodon. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2731 I'm capturing your inner child. 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
2732 I'm looking to go beyond representational to early existential in this scene. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2733 Okay, wise guy, you want someone to capture your “essence,” go two caves over and talk to Pierre. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2734 Don’t be so critical. You’ll never understand modern art. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2735 Trust me this is your good side, and plus who's gonna see it? 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2736 Before your first date, there's a few things you need to know. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2737 Okay, now where do you want the spear? 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2738 First I discovered fire, then the wheel... I'm calling this one-"Pictionary" ! 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
2739 Sure, I love the mystic smile and all. But my palette is kinda limited here, so work with me! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2740 Trunk down? Really?? You'll regret this in the holocene. 1.2346 0.061