Contest #593


Cartoon

593


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Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 It's not so much what she said as how she said it. 2.0651 0.01404 3135 873 1185 1077
1 No, my wife served the papers personally. 2.0381 0.01714 2256 706 758 792
2 I'm pretty sure it's a final notice 2.0340 0.01423 3027 877 1170 980
3 ...oh, and there's a note from your mother. 2.0126 0.01487 3025 993 1001 1031
4 ‘Sharply worded’ would describe it. 2.0048 0.01398 3117 942 1218 957
5 Actually, I would like to shoot the messenger. 1.9829 0.01425 3220 1080 1115 1025
6 Hi honey, we just received the new Republican tax plan. 1.9780 0.01873 2041 753 580 708
7 Well, it doesn't feel like a metaphor. 1.9728 0.01450 3050 1020 1093 937
8 Yes, I am painfully aware of your terms and conditions. 1.9591 0.01585 2421 787 946 688
9 What I had actually said was "Take a stab at it and get back to me" 1.9553 0.01468 3000 1040 1054 906
10 I have reason to believe that my wife found our love letters. 1.9412 0.02411 1105 389 392 324
11 At least she didn’t use bullet points. 1.9351 0.01508 2852 1023 991 838
12 And I said, "Divorce papers? Why not just stick a knife in my back?" 1.9153 0.01736 2148 794 742 612
13 To her credit, she did leave a note. 1.9080 0.01410 2977 1030 1191 756
14 I'd like to switch to paperless statements. 1.8986 0.01569 2711 1056 874 781
15 Turns out they CAN pin it on me 1.8876 0.01545 2660 1010 939 711
16 The stress is bearable, it's the paperwork that's killing me. 1.8859 0.01767 1989 744 728 517
17 I think we can rule out reconciliation. 1.8835 0.01521 2558 923 1010 625
18 I've just received some painful news. 1.8808 0.01690 2123 785 806 532
19 I'm sorry, but Emma and I won't be able to make it to your murder mystery party. Clever invitation, by the way. 1.8778 0.01504 2758 1049 997 712
20 She knows. 1.8644 0.01528 2855 1171 900 784
21 My wife served the papers herself. 1.8553 0.01783 1969 779 696 494
22 No, I can't sit back and relax. 1.8170 0.01600 2393 992 847 554
23 I got your text but I’m having trouble with the attachment. 1.8091 0.01785 1959 834 665 460
24 I wouldn't say it went well, but she did sign the divorce papers. 1.7947 0.02058 1359 559 520 280
25 Remember when we thought there couldn't be anything worse than his tweets. 1.7762 0.02025 1497 664 504 329
26 All I can say is that I did not see this coming. 1.7758 0.01740 1896 804 713 379
27 No, I haven't read it but I get the point. 1.7648 0.01665 2032 867 776 389
28 I think the worst news is behind me. 1.7647 0.02052 1373 596 504 273
29 I can’t read it, but I got the message. 1.7552 0.01657 2096 922 765 409
30 No, I haven't read it yet, but I get the point. 1.7552 0.02398 960 411 373 176
31 Yes, well I'm afraid I'm not in any position to read the fine print just now. 1.7505 0.01692 1940 841 742 357
32 ........ all I said was "You know where you can stick it." 1.7435 0.02020 1501 701 484 316
33 Turns out the pen and sword are about equal. 1.7427 0.02405 1026 470 350 206
34 I need to order some Post-It Notes for my wife. 1.7384 0.02636 822 370 297 155
35 I was under the impression that the writing would be on the wall. 1.7352 0.01890 1673 780 556 337
36 You were right. She didn't like the pre-nup. 1.7318 0.01823 1734 794 611 329
37 So she said, ‘How can I convince you that I am filing for divorce?’. And I said, ‘Take a stab at it.’ 1.7284 0.01862 1786 861 549 376
38 'Yes doctor, you could call it a stabbing pain." 1.7274 0.02458 939 429 337 173
39 Your last letter really hurt. 1.7269 0.02169 1223 564 429 230
40 The good news is she finally signed the divorce papers. 1.7234 0.01860 1670 777 578 315
41 No, it's not the handwriting that makes it difficult to read. 1.7206 0.02189 1181 545 421 215
42 What are you going as? I'm the Wittenberg Church door. 1.7150 0.02886 751 372 221 158
43 I don't see why you can't leave notes on the fridge like everyone else 1.7115 0.02033 1383 652 478 253
44 I think we’re past mediation. 1.7105 0.01994 1375 632 509 234
45 Please remove me from your mailing list. 1.7009 0.02868 759 384 218 157
46 No, I mean literally. 1.6904 0.02442 998 499 309 190
47 Man, these back taxes are killing me. 1.6871 0.02168 1259 631 391 237
48 Can't talk right now, I'm stuck with some paperwork 1.6853 0.02160 1217 597 406 214
49 The prenup is signed. How quickly can you draw up a will? 1.6847 0.02959 666 332 212 122
50 i'd like to switch to paperless billing please. 1.6765 0.02789 782 405 225 152
51 I can't read it. But I feel it's bad news. 1.6732 0.02228 1074 519 387 168
52 She got the house, and I got stuck with the mortgage. 1.6722 0.02812 717 359 234 124
53 I'd like to switch to your paperless billing option. 1.6683 0.02456 1025 543 279 203
54 It's an advance copy of the new Republican tax plan. 1.6667 0.02501 1005 539 262 204
55 No, I wouldn’t say the prenuptial discussion went well. 1.6657 0.02329 987 484 349 154
56 I received some painful news. 1.6650 0.02420 976 497 309 170
57 Yes, I’m pretty certain she just served me with divorce papers. 1.6594 0.02456 916 462 304 150
58 Why can’t you just text, like everyone else? 1.6560 0.02507 878 445 290 143
59 So you filed for divorce behind my back? 1.6560 0.02566 875 454 268 153
60 What really hurts is that you couldn't tell me to my face. 1.6538 0.02547 855 436 279 140
61 I'd like to sign up for paperless billing... 1.6498 0.02673 808 424 243 141
62 Yes, without a word. But she did leave a painful note. 1.6485 0.03096 569 290 189 90
63 Yes, I'm sure the differences are irreconcilable... 1.6461 0.02651 777 398 256 123
64 We need post it notes. 1.6454 0.02634 767 388 263 116
65 Yes, I do think she really means it this time. 1.6358 0.02790 692 358 228 106
66 Hello, 911? Hi, it's the middle class. I just received the House tax plan. 1.6341 0.03420 533 299 130 104
67 I'd like to switch to online billing. 1.6300 0.02921 654 348 200 106
68 Hello, I'd like to switch to paperless billing. 1.6300 0.02961 654 353 190 111
69 Why yes, she did leave a note... 1.6274 0.02887 636 331 211 94
70 Her divorce attorney is a Lutheran, I think. 1.6272 0.03064 625 343 172 110
71 I'd like to start receiving my bill online. 1.6258 0.03135 620 348 156 116
72 If I had to guess, I'd say that the divorce is contested. 1.6254 0.03072 574 303 183 88
73 I can't read it, but I gather you're unhappy. 1.6233 0.02864 600 303 220 77
74 Sorry, I can’t make it, I have a to-do list that is killing me. 1.6227 0.03111 599 329 167 103
75 She wants either a divorce or Protestant reformation. 1.6220 0.03131 590 324 165 101
76 She left me a very pointed note. 1.6218 0.02971 595 311 198 86
77 Can I switch to paperless delivery? 1.6205 0.03040 585 311 185 89
78 Mediation is probably out of the question. 1.6152 0.03138 551 296 171 84
79 I got my performance review today. 1.6133 0.03154 543 292 169 82
80 Tell the orthopedist the pain is back and I haven't seen the bill. 1.6127 0.03149 537 287 171 79
81 So then I said, "Who leaves a homicide note?" 1.6113 0.03336 530 299 138 93
82 Listen, it's not what you said, it's how you said it. 1.6110 0.03163 527 281 170 76
83 I'd like to report an attack ad. 1.6082 0.03336 513 286 142 85
84 Yes, I heard from her attorney. 1.6082 0.03347 513 287 140 86
85 Signed, no. Executed, yes. 1.6078 0.03270 510 278 154 78
86 I'd like to cancel our marriage counselling appointment. 1.6075 0.03344 507 282 142 83
87 I need to get something off my back. 1.6040 0.03313 495 271 149 75
88 She left a 'Dear John' letter. It really hurt. 1.5987 0.03287 471 252 156 63
89 It's not the fine print that I'm worried about. 1.5983 0.03441 463 257 135 71
90 I think she's serious this time. 1.5960 0.03403 453 247 142 64
91 Agnes, I got your divorce papers today and I must admit they hurt me more than I expected. 1.5942 0.03546 446 252 123 71
92 It's not the demands I object to, it's the way they were presented. 1.5908 0.03438 435 237 139 59
93 I believe my wife chose to serve me the papers herself. 1.5897 0.03599 429 243 119 67
94 yes, she left a note. 1.5892 0.03604 426 241 119 66
95 It certainly doesn't feel like fake news . . . 1.5892 0.03649 426 244 113 69
96 Yes, can you tell me how to unsubscribe? 1.5892 0.03573 426 239 123 64
97 Yes, I think the divorce papers are still where you put them. 1.5887 0.03805 423 252 93 78
98 Of course she signed the pre-nup, I have it right here ... 1.5887 0.03466 423 230 137 56
99 I don't know what it says. That's why I need you to come over. 1.5855 0.03617 415 234 119 62
100 No, I'm quite sure I selected email notifications. 1.5850 0.03670 412 235 113 64
101 I have a hunch my wife found out about us. 1.5837 0.03545 406 223 129 54
102 I'm going to need a paramedic and a divorce attorney 1.5831 0.03600 403 224 123 56
103 Honey, it's backwards in the mirror. Can you just come home and read it? 1.5810 0.03632 401 225 119 57
104 She left a note. No, I haven't read it yet. 1.5802 0.03811 393 229 100 64
105 Next time just send me a text. 1.5788 0.03551 387 210 130 47
106 What part of "literally" don't you understand? 1.5788 0.03662 387 216 118 53
107 I haven't read it yet, but I'm pretty sure she wants a divorce. 1.5755 0.03704 384 217 113 54
108 It feels more like a utility knife than a steak knife, but I could be wrong. 1.5745 0.03643 369 202 122 45
109 It's a sharp pain in my back. I have a nagging feeling that there's more to it. 1.5745 0.03803 376 216 104 56
110 Oh, so now I'm the one who's being dramatic? 1.5745 0.03651 376 208 120 48
111 You said the instructions are on the back? 1.5737 0.03920 373 220 92 61
112 Yes, she signed the papers. 1.5737 0.03846 373 216 100 57
113 Of course I'm sure - she left a note 1.5737 0.03846 373 216 100 57
114 It started it with a ‘kick me’ and it went downhill from there. 1.5737 0.03902 373 219 94 60
115 I'm detecting a new level of animosity in the negotiations. 1.5706 0.03706 361 200 116 45
116 You couldn’ta just texted me ?? 1.5702 0.03911 363 212 95 56
117 The worst part is she moved out and stuck me with the lease. 1.5699 0.03967 372 223 86 63
118 Mrs. Luther, your son Martin must learn to hand in his homework like everyone else. 1.5698 0.04012 358 213 86 59
119 Didn’t read your note but got the point 1.5694 0.03693 360 199 117 44
120 Hello Mr. Trump. My name is Willard Skivington from the middle class. I wanted to inform you I just now received a copy of your new tax plan. 1.5686 0.04061 357 215 81 61
121 Let's just say she made her point. 1.5682 0.03778 352 197 110 45
122 Can't play golf today. Jenny is kind of anxious that I finish my to-do list. 1.5678 0.03783 354 199 109 46
123 I'm not sure what it says, but somehow I get the point. 1.5674 0.03809 356 202 106 48
124 The New Yorker asked me to stop submitting cartoon captions. 1.5670 0.04014 358 214 85 59
125 I don't know--a list of grievances, I think. She seemed angry. 1.5661 0.03855 348 198 103 47
126 In life, Joe, there are to-do lists and or-else lists. 1.5661 0.03702 348 191 117 40
127 No, I don't see any note. 1.5658 0.05953 152 88 42 22
128 I've got a bad back, but there's a funny story attached... 1.5621 0.04161 338 205 76 57
129 What to-do list was that, Hon? 1.5618 0.03949 340 197 95 48
130 She got the house. I got the cutlery. 1.5616 0.04189 333 202 75 56
131 No, negotiations did not go well. 1.5602 0.03861 332 187 104 41
132 Can you come over? I need you to read something. 1.5583 0.04080 326 192 86 48
133 Yes Officer Dibble, my wife has read the restraining order. 1.5573 0.04015 323 187 92 44
134 I think my wife found out about us. 1.5569 0.03949 325 186 97 42
135 Yeah, I'm pretty sure she wants a divorce. 1.5569 0.03876 325 183 103 39
136 911? I'd like to report an ultimatum. 1.5569 0.03997 325 188 93 44
137 It’s not what you said, it was how you said it! 1.5562 0.04140 320 190 82 48
138 No, mother, this time I don't think she's coming back. 1.5552 0.04025 317 183 92 42
139 I liked it better when she left notes on the refrigerator. 1.5552 0.04099 317 186 86 45
140 Sorry I can't come, I've been stuck with the to-do list. 1.5549 0.04006 319 184 93 42
141 No. Technically I haven't seen the summons. 1.5549 0.04006 319 184 93 42
142 No, I'm not with the White House any longer. 1.5538 0.04060 316 184 89 43
143 No -- no, I think it's too high to be sciatica. Feels more like a manifesto. 1.5527 0.04189 313 187 79 47
144 The knife wound is minimal, but the words cut deep. 1.5521 0.04076 317 186 87 44
145 That's right. She delivered the divorce papers personally. 1.5508 0.04068 305 176 90 39
146 I wish he would go back to tweeting. 1.5505 0.04152 307 181 83 43
147 It's not a metaphor, Operator. 1.5505 0.03995 307 175 95 37
148 Sorry, I don’t have the exact figures in front of me. 1.5498 0.03983 311 178 95 38
149 I’d like to report a backstabbing. No eyewitnesses but they did leave a note. 1.5498 0.04137 311 184 83 44
150 It might be a toss up as to which one is mightier. 1.5497 0.04072 302 174 90 38
151 Sorry I can’t, I just got stuck with some paperwork. 1.5493 0.04132 304 178 85 41
152 I wouldn't call it a death threat as much as a manifesto. 1.5482 0.04056 301 173 91 37
153 Does this mean it’s over? 1.5470 0.04196 298 176 81 41
154 Well that's all fine and good, Lorraine, but the note is backwards in the mirror, so how 'bout you just tell me what it said? 1.5458 0.04283 295 177 75 43
155 It’s not so much what it says as how it was presented 1.5436 0.04235 287 169 80 38
156 Sorry, no golf today. Trudy just reminded me it's her birthday 1.5436 0.04148 287 166 86 35
157 Apparently, they want the contract signed in blood. 1.5436 0.04118 287 165 88 34
158 Your lawyer sent the divorce papers. 1.5433 0.04353 289 175 71 43
159 Yes Jim, the divorce papers were served personally. 1.5423 0.04298 284 169 76 39
160 Tell Mr. Mueller I'm ready to talk. 1.5420 0.04188 286 167 83 36
161 I forget: Where did you leave my copy of our child-support agreement? 1.5420 0.04188 286 167 83 36
162 No, I'm pretty sure it will be contested. 1.5406 0.04252 283 167 79 37
163 She isn’t totally on-board with the divorce settlement. 1.5406 0.04193 283 165 83 35
164 In this case, it's not what it says that hurts, but how they said it. 1.5396 0.04370 278 167 72 39
165 Fake news. Real knife. 1.5393 0.04135 280 161 87 32
166 I’d like to switch to paperless billing. 1.5382 0.04437 275 167 68 40
167 Well, she signed the prenup. But she wasn’t happy. 1.5379 0.04262 277 163 79 35
168 No, doctor, it's more like a stabbing pain. 1.5368 0.04352 272 162 74 36
169 I'd prefer paperless billing in the future. 1.5368 0.04475 272 166 66 40
170 It wasn't just the email. She also added an attachment. 1.5353 0.04358 269 160 74 35
171 and then I said, " President Trump,you can't keep tweeting! There must be another way of communicating with the media" 1.5351 0.04206 271 157 83 31
172 I'd love to stop by, but my paperwork is killing me... 1.5338 0.04396 266 159 72 35
173 I'd like to complain about your overly aggressive process servers. 1.5338 0.04197 266 153 84 29
174 That's the last time I date a Protestant. 1.5338 0.04331 266 157 76 33
175 The good news is, she signed the papers. 1.5336 0.04466 268 163 67 38
176 About 5'10", chubby; possibly Lutheran. 1.5333 0.04409 270 163 70 37
177 Oh she's more than just talking behind my back. 1.5323 0.04267 263 153 80 30
178 This is what I get for marrying a Lutheran. 1.5323 0.04499 263 160 66 37
179 I'll stop calling if you stop writing. 1.5308 0.04572 260 160 62 38
180 Yes dear, I got your note. 1.5308 0.04539 260 159 64 37
181 Now she's spreading vicious rumors behind my back. 1.5292 0.04236 257 148 82 27
182 I don't think it's "Uncontested" anymore. 1.5290 0.04352 259 153 75 31
183 There may be some lingering resentment. 1.5276 0.04486 254 153 68 33
184 Yes Greta, I got the divorce papers. 1.5276 0.04451 254 152 70 32
185 I'm calling to report a hate message. 1.5276 0.04380 254 150 74 30
186 Et tu, Verizon? 1.5273 0.04561 256 157 63 36
187 When I said don't shoot the messenger, wouldn't you think no stabbing is implied? 1.5259 0.04236 251 144 82 25
188 Well...it still hurts, but at least I've put it behind me now. 1.5259 0.04456 251 150 70 31
189 Not sure what it says but she really seemed to take the “back-stabbing bitch” comment quite literally 1.5257 0.04500 253 153 67 33
190 She's delivered the divorce papers. 1.5257 0.04500 253 153 67 33
191 I've been served. 1.5224 0.04683 245 152 58 35
192 Yes doctor, its a stabbing pain between my shoulders... yes, I did just sign a new contract with my cable company. 1.5224 0.04683 245 152 58 35
193 Yeah, I got the message. 1.5223 0.04583 247 151 63 33
194 Yes, dear, I got your message. 1.5223 0.04474 247 148 69 30
195 I’d like to unsubscribe from your mailing list. 1.5207 0.04800 242 153 52 37
196 Yes,I'm a 100% sure she found the letter I wrote to you. 1.5205 0.04663 244 151 59 34
197 I looked everywhere. 1.5187 0.04482 241 144 69 28
198 Does this mean it’s over? 1.5187 0.04670 241 149 59 33
199 Yes, I'd like to report an overreaction. 1.5185 0.04416 243 144 72 27
200 At least she had the decency to leave a note. 1.5168 0.04282 238 137 79 22
201 There is a will, but I don’t think you could call it uncontested 1.5168 0.04601 238 145 63 30
202 The fine print is killing me. 1.5167 0.04417 240 142 72 26
203 Well, she decided not to sign the prenup. 1.5167 0.04686 240 149 58 33
204 Yes, I have a copy, and it’s binding. 1.5167 0.04496 240 144 68 28
205 I think the pre-nup touched a nerve 1.5167 0.04534 240 145 66 29
206 She left instructions for my next wife. 1.5150 0.04832 233 147 52 34
207 She finally stuck me with divorce papers. 1.5150 0.04474 233 138 70 25
208 I know, but this time I think she means it. 1.5150 0.04793 233 146 54 33
209 No. I wouldn’t use the word amicable. 1.5150 0.04515 233 139 68 26
210 Hey, Brutus it's me... I got your note. 1.5149 0.04875 235 150 49 36
211 Yes, I do mean literally. 1.5149 0.04567 235 142 65 28
212 911? I need an ambulance and a proof reader, stat. 1.5148 0.04254 237 136 80 21
213 This hurts, Judy. 1.5148 0.04616 237 145 62 30
214 How can I change the delivery method for future notices? 1.5148 0.04731 237 148 56 33
215 Well, she delivered the divorce papers. 1.5128 0.04377 234 137 74 23
216 Yes, I got the final notice. 1.5111 0.04504 225 133 69 23
217 I think she wants a divorce. 1.5110 0.04851 227 143 52 32
218 No. Literally, this time. 1.5110 0.04687 227 139 60 28
219 On second thought, I do agree to the terms and conditions. 1.5109 0.04489 229 136 69 24
220 She overreacted ‘cause the job jar and fridge magnets were full. 1.5109 0.04858 229 145 51 33
221 My client has expressed reluctance at accepting your proposal. 1.5090 0.04637 222 134 63 25
222 The acupuncturist stopped by with another payment notice. 1.5090 0.04593 222 133 65 24
223 *Can you hold? I think I have another message. 1.5090 0.04681 222 135 61 26
224 The good news is, they gave me a very detailed severance package. 1.5090 0.04637 222 134 63 25
225 Yes, hi. I'd like to change my delivery preferences. 1.5089 0.04649 224 136 62 26
226 She served the papers herself. 1.5089 0.04735 224 138 58 28
227 Got your message. Point taken. 1.5087 0.04642 230 141 61 28
228 She’s hired a real backstabber for a lawyer. 1.5068 0.04826 221 138 54 29
229 Remember the new neighbor I said looked like Martin Luther? 1.5068 0.05156 221 146 38 37
230 You could've sent me an all caps text message. 1.5047 0.04577 214 127 66 21
231 And then I asked her to sign a prenup 1.5046 0.04833 218 136 54 28
232 Yeah, it's definitely worse than those itches you can't quite reach. 1.5024 0.04425 211 122 72 17
233 OK, I’m ready to switch to paperless billing now. 1.5024 0.04673 211 127 62 22
234 I think she means it, this time. 1.5023 0.04782 213 131 57 25
235 Hello...menopause hotline? 1.5023 0.04964 213 135 49 29
236 They got back to me in writing. 1.5023 0.04928 215 136 50 29
237 I looked everywhere. 1.5023 0.04839 215 134 54 27
238 The next time the alimony check is late, just call me. 1.5000 0.04541 210 124 67 19
239 Yes I heard. Republicans sent the middle class a message. Yes I got mine too. 1.5000 0.05240 210 139 37 34
240 So, then marriage counseling is out? 1.5000 0.04972 210 133 49 28
241 Trust me, I don't have to read it to know it's not good news. 1.5000 0.04737 210 128 59 23
242 My backstabbing wife has just served divorce papers on me. 1.5000 0.04915 208 130 52 26
243 My annual performance review didn't go too well. 1.5000 0.05108 210 136 43 31
244 The wedding's off. She refused to sign the pre-nup. 1.5000 0.05018 210 134 47 29
245 Well, it feels like about four or five pages, but I think you're missing my main concern. 1.4976 0.05073 207 133 45 29
246 I sense three or four pages. Does it matter? 1.4976 0.04969 205 129 50 26
247 Yeah, she served me the papers herself. 1.4951 0.05083 204 131 45 28
248 I wouldn’t call it an amicable divorce. 1.4951 0.04840 204 126 55 23
249 No, I cannot forward the Message 1.4951 0.04688 204 123 61 20
250 They told me it's a binding contract and I'm stuck with it. 1.4951 0.04688 204 123 61 20
251 She said something about never listening. 1.4951 0.04739 204 124 59 21
252 It pains me to read your letter. 1.4951 0.04789 204 125 57 22
253 I didn't get a good look at him, but I'm pretty sure he's Lutheran 1.4950 0.05402 202 136 32 34
254 I want to report an attempted contract killing. 1.4950 0.05217 202 132 40 30
255 Yes, sweetheart, of course I am sure that I no longer work at the White House. the President told me in person! 1.4950 0.05012 200 126 49 25
256 I won't be coming to work today. My To-Do list is killing me. 1.4950 0.05112 200 128 45 27
257 Yes, I can show that I was personally served. 1.4950 0.04808 200 122 57 21
258 Funny that you mention it. She did seem a bit upset. 1.4950 0.04911 200 124 53 23
259 I believe I'm the target of a hate mail campaign. 1.4927 0.04722 205 125 59 21
260 It’s safe to say she’s not bluffing this time. 1.4925 0.04825 199 122 56 21
261 I'd prefer to go paperless from now on. 1.4925 0.04825 199 122 56 21
262 I just got her counter-proposal. What's our next move? 1.4925 0.04878 199 123 54 22
263 Yes I have the note. Yes I know where the note is. Yes it is in a place where it won't get lost. No I cannot read it to you. 1.4925 0.04878 199 123 54 22
264 Mother, of course she was decent enough to leave me a farewell note. 1.4925 0.04772 199 121 58 20
265 It hurts to admit it, but I feel you've made your point. 1.4924 0.04643 197 117 63 17
266 Room Service? Could you, please, send up two mirrors. 1.4924 0.04753 197 119 59 19
267 These bills are killing me. 1.4899 0.04895 198 123 53 22
268 Hello Mabel, my wife found your letters. 1.4898 0.04985 196 123 50 23
269 I thought reporting to HR was confidential? 1.4898 0.04770 196 119 58 19
270 I brought a subpoena to a knife fight. 1.4898 0.05340 196 130 36 30
271 She said I don't pay attention to the Post Its. 1.4898 0.04715 196 118 60 18
272 ... and then she stuck me with a long list of demands. 1.4898 0.05037 196 124 48 24
273 Martin, I think more people would see it if you pinned your message to a church door. 1.4898 0.05089 196 125 46 25
274 The sign said “Post No Bills” not “Post On Bill...” 1.4897 0.05023 194 122 49 23
275 Well, they missed my spinal cord so I wouldn't call it 'crippling debt.' 1.4897 0.05129 194 124 45 25
276 Well, she didn't embrace constructive criticism as much as I'd hoped 1.4897 0.05023 194 122 49 23
277 I sense it's over. 1.4874 0.04877 199 124 53 22
278 Yes, I received the divorce papers. 1.4870 0.05148 193 124 44 25
279 No, it’s a sharp stabbing pain. 1.4870 0.04767 193 117 58 18
280 Yes, as chance would have it, I do have a living will posted where first responders can find it. 1.4869 0.05189 191 123 43 25
281 I think it's the divorce papers, and I'm guessing she signed them. 1.4869 0.05027 191 120 49 22
282 Yeah, I'm sure. This time, the divorce is going to stick. 1.4869 0.04916 191 118 53 20
283 Yes, literally 1.4869 0.05027 191 120 49 22
284 Yes, I'm sure the message was meant for me. 1.4868 0.05122 189 120 46 23
285 Apparently they call it targeted advertising. 1.4868 0.04897 189 116 54 19
286 No dear, I did not see your note. 1.4868 0.05122 189 120 46 23
287 The new Congressional tax plan has just arrived. 1.4868 0.05442 189 126 34 29
288 There's a backstory you should know about. 1.4840 0.04858 188 115 55 18
289 An amicable separation appears to be off the table now. 1.4840 0.05142 188 120 45 23
290 Yes, I'd like to lodge a complaint concerning your delivery service. 1.4840 0.04858 188 115 55 18
291 I miss the old days when they just wrote 'Kick Me' on sticky notes. 1.4840 0.05086 188 119 47 22
292 Yes, I received the divorce papers. 1.4840 0.05197 188 121 43 24
293 Haven't read it yet, but I am guessing it's not good news. 1.4840 0.04739 188 113 59 16
294 Yes, unfortunately, they found a way to make the charges stick. 1.4839 0.05403 186 123 36 27
295 Your letter was really hurtful 1.4839 0.05349 186 122 38 26
296 Can I talk to someone about going paperless? 1.4813 0.05049 187 118 48 21
297 Got your message. Point taken. 1.4813 0.05217 187 121 42 24
298 Yes, Martha, I got the divorce papers. 1.4813 0.04816 187 114 56 17
299 I think I got her answer to the prenup. 1.4813 0.05049 187 118 48 21
300 I see. And, what if I'm 90 days late? 1.4813 0.05049 187 118 48 21
301 Yes, the divorce papers just got here. No, I don't think she's kidding. 1.4813 0.05106 187 119 46 22
302 Yes, I've heard the expression "Stick it to the man." 1.4813 0.04934 187 116 52 19
303 This wasn't what I meant when I said let's put our grivances behind us. 1.4813 0.05106 187 119 46 22
304 Please remove this list from me, I mean me from this list. 1.4813 0.04876 187 115 54 18
305 Please put me on your Do Not Stab list. 1.4813 0.05049 187 118 48 21
306 I think my wife is on to us. 1.4811 0.05260 185 120 41 24
307 Can I change to the digital subscription? 1.4811 0.05032 185 116 49 20
308 I didn't see it coming. She served me the divorce papers herself. 1.4811 0.05032 185 116 49 20
309 Your mother stopped by and left a note. 1.4811 0.05316 185 121 39 25
310 Yes, I’ve received it Senator. Now I understand why it’s called a middle class tax cut. 1.4811 0.05260 185 120 41 24
311 I haven't seen their comments but I sense they’re unhappy with a few of the terms. 1.4809 0.04829 183 111 56 16
312 You were right, I should have known Martin Luther would be a bad roommate. 1.4809 0.05247 183 118 42 23
313 Remember you told me the prenup was bulletproof? 1.4809 0.05247 183 118 42 23
314 Yes. I got your note. You made your point. 1.4809 0.05072 183 115 48 20
315 Hello, IKEA customer service? My wife finds your assembly instructions confusing and frustrating. 1.4809 0.05247 183 118 42 23
316 She didn't go for the pre-nup. 1.4787 0.04972 188 118 50 20
317 Stabbed in the Back With a Note Attached Hot Line? I'm calling about...yes, I'll hold. 1.4785 0.05238 186 121 41 24
318 She delivered the subpoena herself. 1.4780 0.05493 182 122 33 27
319 I’d like to change my billing preference to “online.” 1.4780 0.05210 182 117 43 22
320 Well, there is one sticking point. 1.4780 0.04910 182 112 53 17
321 I think we're done with counter-offers. 1.4780 0.05151 182 116 45 21
322 No, I didn't see it coming. Yes, she did leave a note. 1.4780 0.04656 182 108 61 13
323 I don't think you understand what I mean by "paper cut." 1.4780 0.05151 182 116 45 21
324 She delivered it herself. I haven't been able to get to it yet. 1.4778 0.05194 180 115 44 21
325 I called him a back-stabbing, ignorant list-maker, and look where it got me. 1.4775 0.05052 178 111 49 18
326 Honey, do you remember where you put the shopping list? 1.4751 0.05231 181 117 42 22
327 Indications are pointing towards a painful divorce. 1.4751 0.05172 181 116 44 21
328 I assume a friendly divorce is out of the question. 1.4751 0.05289 181 118 40 23
329 She finally served the divorce papers. 1.4751 0.05231 181 117 42 22
330 I had a different understanding when you said you have my back in this contract. 1.4749 0.04840 179 109 55 15
331 I received your letter, but I'm sensing some hostility. 1.4749 0.04968 179 111 51 17
332 Mr. Fleceum Esq. please. My wife just served me divorce papers and I think it's going to be messy. 1.4746 0.05613 177 120 30 27
333 I just heard from her lawyer,it's going to get ugly. 1.4746 0.05072 177 111 48 18
334 Hello 911, someone has just stabbed me and left a note to make it look like a suicide. 1.4746 0.05497 177 118 34 25
335 Please inform Mr Luther that the church is actually next door. 1.4746 0.05438 177 117 36 24
336 Well, to be fair I did ask him to take a stab at the report. 1.4746 0.05438 177 117 36 24
337 I think it's safe to assume she's made up her mind. 1.4716 0.04963 176 109 51 16
338 No, if she were mad she would tell me. 1.4716 0.04963 176 109 51 16
339 You were right, she served the papers herself. 1.4716 0.05520 176 118 33 25
340 The good news is that she signed the separation agreement. 1.4713 0.05134 174 110 46 18
341 For the last time, Mr. Luther, my name is Chuck Dorr, not Church Door. 1.4709 0.05679 172 117 29 26
342 No, I already looked on the refrigerator. 1.4709 0.05371 172 112 39 21
343 I got your message, and I'm hurt. 1.4709 0.05243 172 110 43 19
344 I would like to report a threatening letter that I have just received. 1.4709 0.04768 172 103 57 12
345 Honey, you said I couldn't find it if it was pinned to my chest. Well? Where is it? 1.4709 0.05243 172 110 43 19
346 I can no longer refer to the divorce proceedings as " amicable." 1.4709 0.05558 172 115 33 24
347 Actually, I’m not able to read the fine print. 1.4709 0.05434 172 113 37 22
348 Dad, remember when you said words could never hurt me? 1.4709 0.05434 172 113 37 22
349 I’m guess I’m looking for a divorce lawyer. 1.4709 0.04977 172 106 51 15
350 I didn't read it but I feel I got the point. 1.4706 0.05419 170 111 38 21
351 Not to jump to conclusions, but I'd say my attacker is likely a Lutheran. 1.4706 0.05608 170 114 32 24
352 I don't think the prenup is going to fly 1.4706 0.05289 170 109 42 19
353 I suppose this means the divorce is no longer an amicable parting of two people that still care very much about one another? 1.4706 0.05222 170 108 44 18
354 Short, German accent, answers to Luther. 1.4689 0.05257 177 115 41 21
355 She just stuck me with divorce papers. 1.4689 0.05070 177 112 47 18
356 It started out as a friendly game of pin the tail on the donkey. 1.4678 0.05065 171 107 48 16
357 I’m not being paranoid. They stabbed me in the back with the terms of that contract. 1.4678 0.05265 171 110 42 19
358 Yup, pretty sure she's filing for divorce... 1.4678 0.05132 171 108 46 17
359 No, Mildred; I haven't read the letter yet...but I get the message. 1.4675 0.05376 169 110 39 20
360 Yeah, she left. I haven't read her note, but it hurts already. 1.4675 0.05244 169 108 43 18
361 Please resend it, I can't read the attachment. 1.4675 0.05376 169 110 39 20
362 Yes, Dear...your mother did leave a message. 1.4675 0.05570 169 113 33 23
363 Yes. Phyllis really nailed me with those divorce papers. 1.4675 0.05108 169 106 47 16
364 Yes, I recieved your apology, but it feels insincere. 1.4675 0.05506 169 112 35 22
365 I'm pretty sure she wants a divorce. 1.4675 0.05311 169 109 41 19
366 It's back from peer review. 1.4675 0.05244 169 108 43 18
367 Yes, I did receive the divorce papers today. 1.4671 0.05424 167 109 38 20
368 Yes, dear. I did get your message. 1.4671 0.05010 167 103 50 14
369 Yes, I did hear from your lawyer. 1.4643 0.05058 168 105 48 15
370 The ex got just about everything... Although she did leave me the title to the Prius. 1.4639 0.05173 166 105 45 16
371 They’ve presented a fairly compelling counter offer. 1.4639 0.05101 166 104 47 15
372 She's fairly adamant about the divorce settlement. 1.4639 0.05645 166 112 31 23
373 Well, bravo, Janice. This time you've also robbed me of my favorite metaphor to describe how this divorce feels. 1.4639 0.05448 166 109 37 20
374 All I said was just give me the shopping list. 1.4634 0.05146 164 103 46 15
375 Hang on, I believe Col. Mustard left a message 1.4634 0.05218 164 104 44 16
376 I don't know what it says, but I have a feeling it's some sort of grievance. 1.4634 0.05497 164 108 36 20
377 I'm starting to think that the couple's therapy isn't working.. 1.4634 0.05072 164 102 48 14
378 Apparently she and I have different understandings of ‘amicable.’ 1.4634 0.05359 164 106 40 18
379 I can't read the fine print, but I think she's serious this time. 1.4634 0.05146 164 103 46 15
380 My fiancé has a few issues with the pre-nup draft. 1.4634 0.05497 164 108 36 20
381 No, I have to say the discussion about the pre-nup didn't go well. 1.4634 0.05429 164 107 38 19
382 No, it's more like a deeply personal kind of pain. 1.4634 0.05218 164 104 44 16
383 We are out of post-its again. 1.4634 0.05072 164 102 48 14
384 She says she wants out, and this time I think she's serious. 1.4634 0.05359 164 106 40 18
385 911? Yes, please send an ambulance and a divorce attorney right away. 1.4634 0.05565 164 109 34 21
386 Hold on. I think someone is trying to get my attention. 1.4634 0.04923 164 100 52 12
387 My ex just violated the restraining order. 1.4634 0.05359 164 106 40 18
388 Yes, I got your demands, but posting them on my door would have been OK too. 1.4630 0.05116 162 101 47 14
389 Honey, Your lawyer was here. 1.4630 0.05191 162 102 45 15
390 I'd appreciate being put on your Do Not Stab list. 1.4630 0.05548 162 107 35 20
391 Call it a hunch, but no, I don't think my wife will be open to marriage counseling." 1.4630 0.05264 162 103 43 16
392 Yes, it came on very suddenly; I'd say it starts at the shoulder blades and kind of radiates out. 1.4630 0.05548 162 107 35 20
393 Hi mother, my divorce papers just arrived. 1.4630 0.05264 162 103 43 16
394 Yes, it's over, she served the papers herself. 1.4615 0.05308 169 110 40 19
395 Hi, I'm holding for Brutus. Is he in? 1.4615 0.05308 169 110 40 19
396 Yeah, she signed it, but she wasn't happy. 1.4615 0.05374 169 111 38 20
397 Yes, she signed and returned the prenup. 1.4615 0.05439 169 112 36 21
398 I guess the divorce papers are final. 1.4615 0.05308 169 110 40 19
399 Well, it wasn't the NRA... 1.4615 0.04748 169 102 56 11
400 I need to get a few legal issues off my back. 1.4615 0.05036 169 106 48 15
401 I'd like to go paperless, please. 1.4615 0.05754 169 117 26 26
402 I had no idea they put out a contract on me. 1.4615 0.05308 169 110 40 19
403 It wasn’t her lawyer. She delivered the divorce papers herself. 1.4615 0.05241 169 109 42 18
404 Actually, Mr. Trump, when you said, "I've got your back covered" this wasn't exactly what I expected. 1.4601 0.05589 163 109 33 21
405 Martha, can we go back to the regular Post-it notes? 1.4596 0.05572 161 107 34 20
406 I need both and ambulance and an ambulance chaser, please. 1.4596 0.05061 161 100 48 13
407 I'm pretty sure the divorce paperwork is final. 1.4596 0.05502 161 106 36 19
408 Yes, I definitely got the subpoena. Oh yeah, it was served on my person alright. 1.4596 0.05502 161 106 36 19
409 Believe me, they're not willing to negotiate. 1.4596 0.05061 161 100 48 13
410 I have a complaint about the tags on your shirts. 1.4591 0.05765 159 108 29 22
411 No mom, this time I think she means it. 1.4591 0.05106 159 99 47 13
412 This time I think she's serious. 1.4591 0.05183 159 100 45 14
413 ...yes, then I said, stick it wherever you think it will do the most good. 1.4591 0.05554 159 105 35 19
414 I'm so sorry, I won't be able to make it in today. I have a stabbing pain in my back 1.4591 0.05106 159 99 47 13
415 Yes, she's gone. Yes, left me a note. Yes, she was very upset. No, I haven't read it yet. Yes, I love you. Will talk later. 1.4591 0.05554 159 105 35 19
416 Hi, I'm just calling to let you know I got your manuscript and I literally can't put it down. 1.4591 0.05482 159 104 37 18
417 What divorce papers?! 1.4591 0.05259 159 101 43 15
418 A simple 'No' would have sufficed. 1.4591 0.04947 159 97 51 11
419 Sorry Bob, no poker tonight. The wife stuck me with some errands. 1.4563 0.05234 160 102 43 15
420 As divorces go, it's been pretty amicable. 1.4563 0.05234 160 102 43 15
421 So I said to her "I'll tell you where you can stick your Dear John letter" 1.4563 0.05309 160 103 41 16
422 Phyllis, your mother just returned the nursing home application. No, she hasn't signed it yet. 1.4563 0.05526 160 106 35 19
423 The tax cut plan arrived today. Deep cuts, as promised. 1.4563 0.05667 160 108 31 21
424 yes dear, I think I got the point 1.4563 0.05158 160 101 45 14
425 All I asked for was a gentle reminder. 1.4563 0.05234 160 102 43 15
426 I told her there was no point in HANDWRITTEN stories these days. 1.4563 0.05597 160 107 33 20
427 No, it's not a metaphor this time. 1.4551 0.05407 156 101 39 16
428 Is it too late to settle? 1.4551 0.05330 156 100 41 15
429 I've just left the Trump administration and I'm looking for a new position... 1.4551 0.05558 156 103 35 18
430 It's official. The divorce papers have been served. 1.4551 0.05172 156 98 45 13
431 This paperwork is killing me 1.4551 0.05705 156 105 31 20
432 Yes, I got your message. I must say I found it somewhat hurtful. 1.4551 0.05172 156 98 45 13
433 Her parting words will stick with me for a while. 1.4551 0.05172 156 98 45 13
434 Yes, Doctor, I do work in the White House. Why do you ask? 1.4551 0.05558 156 103 35 18
435 I think my wife found our love letters. 1.4551 0.05558 156 103 35 18
436 RE-PRE-SEN-TA-TIVE. 1.4551 0.05483 156 102 37 17
437 I'm starting to feel the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.4551 0.05558 156 103 35 18
438 Gretchen, your old boyfriend was here...yes, he left a message... 1.4551 0.05483 156 102 37 17
439 Yes, I have a copy of the divorce agreement. 1.4551 0.05632 156 104 33 19
440 Is it too late to take out the 'over-my-dead-body' clause? 1.4551 0.05632 156 104 33 19
441 Yes Honey, the grocery list is still where you put it. 1.4551 0.05483 156 102 37 17
442 Yes, I received it today -- but just to be clear, I requested online billing. 1.4551 0.05848 156 107 27 22
443 I was wrong, they pinned it on me. 1.4551 0.05407 156 101 39 16
444 9-1-1? I have reason to believe there's a contract out on me. 1.4551 0.05330 156 100 41 15
445 First you threaten to shove your divorce papers up my ass, then you stab me in the back with your demands, and now you want me to leave my response after the beep. It hurts, Eleanor; it really hurts. 1.4551 0.05558 156 103 35 18
446 I was literally stabbed in the back with the new contract..... what?.......yes I KNOW what "literally" means...... 1.4545 0.05219 154 97 44 13
447 The good news is she signed the divorce agreement. 1.4545 0.05611 154 102 34 18
448 No, I'm not speaking metaphorically. 1.4545 0.05686 154 103 32 19
449 Dr. Mackey, do you have any experience removing a subpoena? 1.4545 0.05458 154 100 38 16
450 Yes, I have reconsidered, I would like to receive my bank statements by email instead. 1.4545 0.05834 154 105 28 21
451 No, I don't mean that figuratively. 1.4545 0.05458 154 100 38 16
452 On the bright side: I feel a sense of closure. 1.4545 0.05300 154 98 42 14
453 Yes Sir, it's Mr. Herman again. I called yesterday, complaining about the way your boy was delivering my newspaper. 1.4545 0.05906 154 106 26 22
454 I'm not wild about their counter-offer. 1.4545 0.05458 154 100 38 16
455 How can you say I'm oblivious? 1.4545 0.05611 154 102 34 18
456 Yes, your new divorce attorney contacted me directly. 1.4545 0.05458 154 100 38 16
457 Call me paranoid if you want, but I get the feeling that something's going on behind my back 1.4510 0.05403 153 99 39 15
458 How the hell do I know what they want? 1.4510 0.05158 153 96 45 12
459 No, Jack, I'm just a clerk. I don't think I'm going to need my own personal attorney. The White House has my back. 1.4510 0.05787 153 104 29 20
460 Yes, Mr. President, I prefer this to Twitter. 1.4510 0.05636 153 102 33 18
461 Got it. Next time just click "I Agree." 1.4510 0.05560 153 101 35 17
462 As I told you the last time you called, I’m on the “National Do Not Stab” list. 1.4510 0.05934 153 106 25 22
463 She served me herself. Is that legal? 1.4510 0.05403 153 99 39 15
464 I think I have a contract out on me. 1.4503 0.05290 151 96 42 13
465 No, I think I can state with some certainty she won't be signing any prenuptial agreement. 1.4503 0.05614 151 100 34 17
466 No, it's NOT a metaphor! 1.4503 0.05534 151 99 36 16
467 No, you didn't interrupt anything. We're just celebrating the 500th anniversary of the reformation. 1.4503 0.05614 151 100 34 17
468 I made the mistake of asking for her ultimatum in writing. 1.4503 0.05534 151 99 36 16
469 Stop trying to pin this one on me 1.4503 0.05534 151 99 36 16
470 It only hurts when I lie down. 1.4503 0.05534 151 99 36 16
471 No, it only hurts when I try to read the fine print. 1.4503 0.05454 151 98 38 15
472 Ace Detective Agency?...Someone's trying to pin something on me 1.4503 0.05206 151 95 44 12
473 I'm beginning to think she was serious about the divorce. 1.4503 0.05290 151 96 42 13
474 Yes, I suppose a flaming arrow would have been worse. 1.4503 0.05206 151 95 44 12
475 Sure it hurts. But it’s just her opinion. 1.4503 0.05454 151 98 38 15
476 My wife personally served me with divorce papers. 1.4503 0.05206 151 95 44 12
477 No, I feel like they're demands rather than suggestions. 1.4503 0.05454 151 98 38 15
478 Yes, I think its fair to characterize her lawyer as difficult. 1.4503 0.05206 151 95 44 12
479 ...because, I wouldn't sign this stupid anti-gun petition! 1.4497 0.05589 149 98 35 16
480 Could you pick up some more Post-Its, Margaret? 1.4497 0.05669 149 99 33 17
481 A description? I’m pretty sure he was Lutheran. 1.4474 0.05814 152 104 28 20
482 Can I call you back? I just got an urgent message. 1.4467 0.05559 150 99 35 16
483 Yes, please. I'd like to report a manifesto... 1.4467 0.05559 150 99 35 16
484 I'd like to report an overzealous process server. 1.4467 0.05559 150 99 35 16
485 Honey, I forgot where you put the to-do list? 1.4467 0.05396 150 97 39 14
486 I think she suspects us. 1.4467 0.05396 150 97 39 14
487 The good news is she signed first. 1.4459 0.05363 148 95 40 13
488 Yes, please tell Martin I got his message. 1.4459 0.05448 148 96 38 14
489 I'm pretty sure my wife just served me divorce papers. 1.4459 0.05448 148 96 38 14
490 Yes, I believe the divorce papers were just served. 1.4459 0.05448 148 96 38 14
491 Oh, and your acupuncturist said the check bounced 1.4459 0.05448 148 96 38 14
492 This time I think they mean business, Phil. 1.4459 0.05276 148 94 42 12
493 It’s death. And taxes. I should go. 1.4459 0.05531 148 97 36 15
494 She made it pretty clear that she wants a divorce. 1.4459 0.05448 148 96 38 14
495 No sir, the writing is not on the wall. 1.4452 0.05326 146 93 41 12
496 911? My wife ran out of Post-its... 1.4452 0.05670 146 97 33 16
497 Every time something goes wrong, why do you pin it on me? 1.4444 0.05378 144 92 40 12
498 There's a little push back on the pre-nup. 1.4430 0.05502 149 98 36 15
499 I'm having second thoughts about this Lutheran thing. 1.4422 0.05556 147 97 35 15
500 What grocery list? 1.4406 0.05581 143 94 35 14
501 And I felt personally threatened by the tone of this letter as well! 1.4406 0.05581 143 94 35 14
502 It seems I misunderstood when you said you had my back. 1.4406 0.05840 143 97 29 17
503 ...Yup, she finally signed the divorce papers. 1.4406 0.05840 143 97 29 17
504 Yes...literally & figuratively 1.4406 0.05401 143 92 39 12
505 Et tu, IRS? 1.4397 0.05901 141 96 28 17
506 Yes, I got the message from your attorney... 1.4397 0.05169 141 88 44 9
507 Lucy means business with her Christmas list this year. 1.4397 0.05638 141 93 34 14
508 This is why I prefer email. 1.4397 0.05547 141 92 36 13
509 Edwina? It's Milton. I think she may be on to us. 1.4397 0.05638 141 93 34 14
510 It's going to be my second divorce. First time with a Lutheran, though. 1.4397 0.05814 141 95 30 16
511 Well, of course there's a back story... 1.4397 0.04969 141 86 48 7
512 Im afraid I’m stuck with this contract. 1.4397 0.05901 141 96 28 17
513 Yes, I'd like to register a complaint about your past due accounts notification policy… 1.4397 0.05638 141 93 34 14
514 If you're trying to send a message, I prefer email. 1.4397 0.05638 141 93 34 14
515 It's not being backstabbed that hurts, it's the lengthy explanation that came with it. 1.4397 0.05814 141 95 30 16
516 No, I don't think it's another 'KICK ME' sign. This one feels different. 1.4397 0.05455 141 91 38 12
517 Et tu, Brenda? 1.4397 0.05638 141 93 34 14
518 I learned an important lesson: Don't bring an essay to a knife fight 1.4366 0.05782 142 96 30 16
519 I just knew you'd try to pin this on me. 1.4357 0.05572 140 92 35 13
520 I took the kids’ phones and told them to communicate the old fashioned way, like you suggested. 1.4357 0.05479 140 91 37 12
521 Yes, I get the point 1.4357 0.05664 140 93 33 14
522 I wouldn't exactly say she GAVE me the divorce papers. 1.4357 0.05842 140 95 29 16
523 No, the mother of my children served the papers herself. I think she's serious. 1.4357 0.05572 140 92 35 13
524 Police? I want to report a literary crime. 1.4348 0.05905 138 94 28 16
525 I just got served the divorce papers. Actually she served them herself . 1.4348 0.05993 138 95 26 17
526 I looked everywhere. You did not leave me the shopping list. 1.4348 0.05993 138 95 26 17
527 Yes, I received the attached copy. 1.4348 0.05629 138 91 34 13
528 At this point I’d have to say a divorce is imminent 1.4338 0.05493 136 88 37 11
529 The cable company has convinced me to switch to paperless billing. 1.4338 0.05688 136 90 33 13
530 Well no, it was not posted where I could see it. 1.4338 0.05592 136 89 35 12
531 My ex had the divorce papers delivered; I'm just having a hard time getting to them. 1.4338 0.06059 136 94 25 17
532 Hi Honey, I just received my buy out. No, it's everything I expected. 1.4338 0.05592 136 89 35 12
533 Hi, I’m calling to switch to paperless billing. 1.4338 0.05877 136 92 29 15
534 I'd like to lodge a complaint with your paperboy. 1.4338 0.05969 136 93 27 16
535 She wants a divorce. It hurts too much to talk about it. 1.4338 0.05969 136 93 27 16
536 If you ask me, the Jehovah's Witnesses in this neighborhood are getting a little aggressive. 1.4338 0.05783 136 91 31 14
537 I got your message. 1.4338 0.05877 136 92 29 15
538 I came home to a "Spear John" letter. 1.4338 0.05877 136 92 29 15
539 no dad, the prenuptial was not well received.............. 1.4338 0.05783 136 91 31 14
540 Hello, Comcast? I'm having an issue with my bill. 1.4326 0.05541 141 93 35 13
541 Am I now to assume an uncontested divorce is out of the question? 1.4317 0.05311 139 89 40 10
542 Yes Marsha, your lawyer has been here with the divorce papers. 1.4317 0.05408 139 90 38 11
543 Would you hold on for a minute? Someone's trying to get through to me. 1.4317 0.05690 139 93 32 14
544 She's not here now but she left a message. 1.4296 0.05811 135 91 30 14
545 But the good news is, the demands themselves are quite reasonable. 1.4296 0.05518 135 88 36 11
546 Oh, not a whole lot... Susan finally dropped off the divorce papers this morning 1.4296 0.05715 135 90 32 13
547 This is the third time this week I’ve been mistaken for a church door. 1.4296 0.05998 135 93 26 16
548 Don't be silly, Mom, we're both looking forward to your visit. 1.4296 0.05998 135 93 26 16
549 The divorce papers? Yes, she delivered them this morning. 1.4296 0.05715 135 90 32 13
550 It hasn't really sunk in yet. 1.4296 0.05617 135 89 34 12
551 I suspect they're plotting something behind my back. 1.4296 0.05518 135 88 36 11
552 Caesar residence, Julius speaking 1.4296 0.05905 135 92 28 15
553 Apparently she has 95 complaints 1.4296 0.05518 135 88 36 11
554 The divorce papers were served today. 1.4296 0.05617 135 89 34 12
555 I’d like to order some flowers for my wife. 1.4296 0.05811 135 91 30 14
556 I'd like to report and attempted murder and some very hurtful criticism. 1.4296 0.05811 135 91 30 14
557 Next time, could you keep it to just TALKING behind my back? 1.4296 0.05518 135 88 36 11
558 I got your note. 1.4296 0.05811 135 91 30 14
559 You left a message? 1.4286 0.05472 133 86 37 10
560 IRS? Is this regarding my back taxes? 1.4286 0.05776 133 89 31 13
561 Did you get your pink slip the same way I did? 1.4275 0.05738 131 87 32 12
562 No need to explain further, I got the point. 1.4275 0.05634 131 86 34 11
563 It's about your process server. 1.4275 0.05738 131 87 32 12
564 I think the IRS is serious this time Lauren." 1.4275 0.05529 131 85 36 10
565 Next time just send me a text. 1.4254 0.05839 134 91 29 14
566 Stabbing pain would be an accurate symptom. 1.4254 0.05543 134 88 35 11
567 Gotta go. My "Honey-do" list just arrived. 1.4254 0.05643 134 89 33 12
568 Yes, I was served the papers, and no, I haven't read them yet. 1.4254 0.05643 134 89 33 12
569 No, not separation. She's calling it "Reformation." 1.4254 0.05742 134 90 31 13
570 Hi hun, your ex was over and left a list of his stuff. By the way, remember when I said that you were a bit harsh in calling him a 'back-stabbing S.O.B'? 1.4254 0.05336 134 86 39 9
571 Got your note. I’m troubled by one sticking point. 1.4254 0.05839 134 91 29 14
572 It's the harshest rejection letter I've ever gotten. 1.4254 0.05643 134 89 33 12
573 The divorce papers arrived. 1.4254 0.06028 134 93 25 16
574 She left a note, but I can't read it. 1.4250 0.05995 120 80 29 11
575 Does our new health insurance cover stab wounds? I have all the paperwork attached. 1.4242 0.05902 132 90 28 14
576 Honey, why do we have a framed picture of a potted plant? And where did we put the bulletin board? 1.4242 0.05703 132 88 32 12
577 It would appear she didn't agree to the terms of the divorce. 1.4242 0.05804 132 89 30 13
578 What do you mean you're divorcing me because I'm an oblivious idiot? 1.4242 0.06282 132 94 20 18
579 Hey, Maury, you know those divorce papers you drew up for me, the ones I thought I lost? My wife just found them! 1.4242 0.05804 132 89 30 13
580 Cancel me for the foursome. The wife's 'honey do' list just took on a more urgent tone. 1.4242 0.05703 132 88 32 12
581 Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that's not an appropriate way to serve divorce papers. 1.4242 0.05601 132 87 34 11
582 She read it ,but I am not sure she is going for it. 1.4242 0.05497 132 86 36 10
583 Well, my wife thinks I should get another quote. 1.4231 0.05968 130 89 27 14
584 So that's a definite no? 1.4231 0.05968 130 89 27 14
585 No, ma'am, when I say, 'stabbed in the back,' I mean I need an ambulance not an attorney. 1.4231 0.05660 130 86 33 11
586 I seem to have ignored the first few notices. 1.4231 0.05660 130 86 33 11
587 I got more feedback on my manuscript. 1.4231 0.06067 130 90 25 15
588 I received your complaint but haven't gotten around to reading it yet. 1.4231 0.05660 130 86 33 11
589 Et tu, Janet? 1.4231 0.05554 130 85 35 10
590 It may be an offer we can't refuse. 1.4231 0.06165 130 91 23 16
591 I have the list of demands, but I haven't gotten around to reading them. 1.4231 0.05968 130 89 27 14
592 Hello, Murder Mystery Monthly? I'd like to switch to your online edition. 1.4231 0.05867 130 88 29 13
593 Well, yes, I’m fairly certain she’s already contacted a lawyer. 1.4231 0.05660 130 86 33 11
594 Unfortunately, I won't be able to sleep on it. 1.4231 0.05765 130 87 31 12
595 I'm not positive, but something tells me it's divorce papers... 1.4231 0.05554 130 85 35 10
596 I liked it better when he was tweeting his messages. 1.4231 0.05968 130 89 27 14
597 Yes, she just gave me the eviction notice. 1.4231 0.04988 130 80 45 5
598 Well if I could read the instructions I’d get it out myself. 1.4231 0.05660 130 86 33 11
599 I'd love to but I'm stuck at home with a big to-do list... 1.4231 0.05335 130 83 39 8
600 The fine print is killing me. 1.4231 0.06165 130 91 23 16
601 ...and now my back-stabbing wife wants me to sign the divorce papers! 1.4231 0.05660 130 86 33 11
602 Yes, I'd like to report an obituary. 1.4219 0.05933 128 87 28 13
603 Ix-nay on the pre-nup. 1.4219 0.06137 128 89 24 15
604 Hello, is this The Mafia Daily? Yes? I'd like to switch to the Digital edition please. 1.4219 0.05722 128 85 32 11
605 I didn't get a good look at him, but I'm pretty sure he was a contract killer. 1.4219 0.06236 128 90 22 16
606 The handwriting is hard to make out, but I don't think it's good news. 1.4219 0.06137 128 89 24 15
607 Hello, billing? I've finally decided to go paperless. 1.4219 0.05828 128 86 30 12
608 I’d like to order a box of Post-it notes. 1.4219 0.06036 128 88 26 14
609 Who do I call to get taken off this mailing list? 1.4219 0.05933 128 87 28 13
610 Hi, Mr. Mueller. I'm calling to let you know that Don Jr. just responded to our latest request for his records. 1.4219 0.06236 128 90 22 16
611 I'm not saying that you didn't leave a note, I'm saying that I didn't find a note. 1.4219 0.05613 128 84 34 10
612 She's amazingly literate for someone so violent. 1.4219 0.05502 128 83 36 9
613 The Republicans just delivered their final version of the 'Repeal & Replace' Health Care bill 1.4219 0.05722 128 85 32 11
614 I don't know, back in my day it was just "kick me". 1.4211 0.05769 133 90 30 13
615 Independent third party mediation may not work in this case. 1.4206 0.05446 126 81 37 8
616 Well, you could say I’ve been served. 1.4206 0.05894 126 85 29 12
617 I think they are trying to make a point. 1.4206 0.05674 126 83 33 10
618 She was not crazy about the prenup idea 1.4206 0.06208 126 88 23 15
619 Hi. I think I need a divorce attorney. 1.4206 0.06105 126 87 25 14
620 She served the divorce papers herself. 1.4194 0.06588 124 90 16 18
621 My back-stabbing wife just filed for divorce. 1.4194 0.06177 124 86 24 14
622 Yeah, I don’t think she wants to talk it over anymore. 1.4194 0.05503 124 80 36 8
623 Yes Dear, by the way your Mother came by and left you a note. 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
624 I used to feel like I was on top of my to-do list, but now it's killing me. 1.4194 0.05850 124 83 30 11
625 I got the bill from the acupuncturist today. 1.4194 0.06070 124 85 26 13
626 I won't be into work today. My wife stuck me with the grocery list. 1.4194 0.05850 124 83 30 11
627 So I take it you didn't like the edits? 1.4194 0.05737 124 82 32 10
628 She did leave a note, but no forwarding address. 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
629 You'll find a note attached from my wife. 1.4194 0.05850 124 83 30 11
630 Your letter pains me. 1.4194 0.05961 124 84 28 12
631 Our new health insurance plan has arrived. 1.4194 0.06070 124 85 26 13
632 Et tu, Wells Fargo? 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
633 Yes, I'd like to go paperless. 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
634 Apparently, there is no grace period. 1.4194 0.05737 124 82 32 10
635 As far as prenups go, it could have been worse 1.4194 0.05383 124 79 38 7
636 No I can't hold. 1.4194 0.05961 124 84 28 12
637 Well, let's just say the editor thought the manuscript needed more work. 1.4194 0.05737 124 82 32 10
638 I was pained by your message. 1.4194 0.06177 124 86 24 14
639 The good news is there's a signed confession. 1.4194 0.06070 124 85 26 13
640 Yes, the divorce settlement agreement just arrived. 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
641 I'd like to place an obituary. 1.4160 0.06030 125 86 26 13
642 It’s like this nagging pain that someone is trying to tell me something. 1.4160 0.05469 125 81 36 8
643 Hello Mom I hate to tell you this, but I think the wedding is off. 1.4160 0.05923 125 85 28 12
644 I'd like to reschedule our couples counseling session 1.4160 0.06137 125 87 24 14
645 No, the divorce isn't quite final yet. 1.4146 0.05528 123 80 35 8
646 Never discuss divorce with an angry Lutheran. 1.4146 0.06316 123 87 21 15
647 Ok.. you made your point... 1.4146 0.05764 123 82 31 10
648 I don’t know. She didn’t even leave a note. 1.4146 0.05406 123 79 37 7
649 The homeowner association left a notice, they said they won't be as friendly next time. 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
650 Is the pre-nup still good if there's a little blood on it? 1.4146 0.05764 123 82 31 10
651 Let's just say she's serious about the divorce. 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
652 This is not what I meant by more direct communication! 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
653 "I don't know... it usually just says 'kick me.' 1.4146 0.05991 123 84 27 12
654 Between C7 and T1 a sharp but relatively shallow pain. 1.4146 0.06101 123 85 25 13
655 What goodbye note? 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
656 It's the thoughts that hurt. 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
657 If I could read it, I wouldn't be calling you. 1.4146 0.06316 123 87 21 15
658 All I said was, "Before the wedding, I think we should take a stab at writing a pre-nup." 1.4146 0.05991 123 84 27 12
659 It says "middle class tax relief".... 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
660 Yes, I'd like to file a complaint about how my newspaper is being delivered. 1.4146 0.06316 123 87 21 15
661 Honey, I would sign the divorce papers if I could reach them. 1.4146 0.05764 123 82 31 10
662 Yes her depression has lifted significantly since she's been practicing her direct communication skills. 1.4146 0.05991 123 84 27 12
663 Roman Catholic. Why do you ask? 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
664 No I can’t read what it says 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
665 Hello, Jim. Can we rewrite the prenuptial agreement? 1.4146 0.06209 123 86 23 14
666 I'd like to report a...yes, I'll hold. 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
667 Yes dear, I did hear from your lawyer. 1.4132 0.05588 121 79 34 8
668 I think I said "more backstory" one too many times. 1.4132 0.06061 121 83 26 12
669 That's right. I was attacked by a Lutheran. 1.4132 0.06174 121 84 24 13
670 No, I haven't read it yet but I think I've got the general concept. 1.4132 0.06393 121 86 20 15
671 Yes, I would like to change my notification settings. 1.4132 0.06605 121 88 16 17
672 I saw her reviewing the prenup, but I can't see whether she signed it. 1.4132 0.06174 121 84 24 13
673 No...she's not here, but she left a note. 1.4132 0.06061 121 83 26 12
674 No, it does not say "kick me". 1.4132 0.05829 121 81 30 10
675 I've been stabbed in the back before, but never by an English major. 1.4132 0.05829 121 81 30 10
676 Yes, I'd like to report a Reformation. 1.4132 0.06061 121 83 26 12
677 I meant attach the document to an email. 1.4132 0.05336 121 77 38 6
678 Yes dear, the divorce papers have arrived. 1.4132 0.05946 121 82 28 11
679 Well, let's just say she wasn't too thrilled when I showed her the prenup. 1.4132 0.05946 121 82 28 11
680 I'd like to opt out of notifications, please 1.4132 0.06174 121 84 24 13
681 In my opinion the cancellation penalty is a bit harsh. 1.4118 0.05522 119 77 35 7
682 Frank...its Tom. What's the customary way of serving divorce papers? 1.4118 0.06133 119 82 25 12
683 No, divorce is when they stab you in the heart. This is just your standard student loans. 1.4118 0.05775 119 79 31 9
684 Well, I did ask him to take a stab at the speech. 1.4118 0.06133 119 82 25 12
685 She can't come to the phone right now. She's simmering. 1.4118 0.05775 119 79 31 9
686 Sam, She signed the divorce papers. 1.4118 0.06016 119 81 27 11
687 I can’t read it but I know it must be important. 1.4118 0.05897 119 80 29 10
688 An email would have been sufficient. 1.4118 0.05650 119 78 33 8
689 No, I don't know what it says but I think she's upset. 1.4118 0.05897 119 80 29 10
690 "Middle class tax cuts". This isn't what I had in mind. 1.4118 0.06472 119 85 19 15
691 I'd like to get something off my back. 1.4118 0.05775 119 79 31 9
692 Ok. You can go back to using all caps to get my attention. 1.4118 0.06361 119 84 21 14
693 It turns out, I do have a backbone. 1.4118 0.06016 119 81 27 11
694 I'm not that Harvey Weinstein. 1.4113 0.05840 124 84 29 11
695 She signed the pre-nup. Now what? 1.4098 0.05907 122 83 28 11
696 You said the charges would not stick. 1.4098 0.06132 122 85 24 13
697 Yes, Congress has taken a stab at tax reform. 1.4098 0.06242 122 86 22 14
698 Yes, hello. I'd like to sign up to receive my statements online. 1.4098 0.05673 122 81 32 9
699 I'd call it more of a stabbing pain... 1.4098 0.06242 122 86 22 14
700 No, I didn’t misuse the word ‘literally.’ 1.4098 0.06021 122 84 26 12
701 And can you send those refrigerator magnets with expedited shipping? 1.4098 0.05791 122 82 30 10
702 I think maybe my wife found a letter from my mistress. 1.4098 0.05791 122 82 30 10
703 I would love to join you Bob , but I have to conquer this to do list before it kills me. 1.4098 0.05907 122 83 28 11
704 Let's just say she wouldn't sign the prenup... 1.4098 0.06349 122 87 20 15
705 I'm pretty sure the prenup is a nonstarter. 1.4098 0.06021 122 84 26 12
706 Never mind. I just received it. 1.4098 0.05907 122 83 28 11
707 Got your note. A simple "yes" or "no" text would have been sufficient. 1.4098 0.05429 122 79 36 7
708 No, I don’t think this is going to be an amicable divorce. 1.4098 0.05791 122 82 30 10
709 Frankly, in retrospect, I would have preferred a Dear John text! 1.4098 0.06242 122 86 22 14
710 Do you remember where you put my will? 1.4098 0.06349 122 87 20 15
711 I think she's moved from cloak to dagger 1.4083 0.05976 120 82 27 11
712 I would like to cancel the paper delivery. 1.4083 0.06206 120 84 23 13
713 Yeah, I got the memo. 1.4068 0.05925 118 80 28 10
714 The cable bill came. Apparently, our promotional rate ended. 1.4068 0.06165 118 82 24 12
715 The worst part is the prose is terrible. 1.4068 0.06046 118 81 26 11
716 Don't believe the suicide note. 1.4068 0.06281 118 83 22 13
717 I never thought receiving a 'Dear John' letter would hurt so much. 1.4068 0.05676 118 78 32 8
718 Yes, they've definitely pinned it on me. 1.4068 0.05547 118 77 34 7
719 She didn't sign the prenup. 1.4068 0.06281 118 83 22 13
720 It took a wee bit of compromise, but I finally got her to sign them. 1.4068 0.06165 118 82 24 12
721 Honey, did you say you left me a grocery list somewhere? 1.4068 0.06165 118 82 24 12
722 I just didn't think this was what they meant by "middle-class tax cut." 1.4068 0.06396 118 84 20 14
723 Et tu, Alice 1.4068 0.06165 118 82 24 12
724 I'm sensing this goes deeper than just words. 1.4068 0.05676 118 78 32 8
725 Hello, Jake from State Farm? 1.4068 0.06281 118 83 22 13
726 No, I don't mean that metaphorically. 1.4068 0.06046 118 81 26 11
727 Sorry, but I'll have to skip the game today. Marge just reminded me of a few things on the "to do" list. 1.4068 0.06165 118 82 24 12
728 I think the attacker may have left a note. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
729 Sure I can hold. 1.4052 0.06241 116 81 23 12
730 Well, we've certainly moved past 'idle threats'. How are you? 1.4052 0.06591 116 84 17 15
731 He said his name was Luther. Martin Luther. L-u-t-h-e-r. 1.4052 0.06360 116 82 21 13
732 Your mother has 95 complaints against me and it hurts. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
733 I'm quite certain she's not coming back 1.4052 0.05996 116 79 27 10
734 Judging from the way I was served, I suspect divorce is no longer just an idle threat. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
735 Yes, officer, she did leave a note before she went missing. 1.4052 0.06241 116 81 23 12
736 I think we're out of post-it notes. 1.4052 0.05869 116 78 29 9
737 Ok. OK! I'll switch to e-billing. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
738 If you think the Jehovah's Witnesses are bad, wait until you see these Lutherans. 1.4052 0.06241 116 81 23 12
739 No mom. I think it's more of a 'dear Julius' letter. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
740 I want to file a complaint about your process server 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
741 I take it you didn't like my edits. 1.4052 0.05192 116 73 39 4
742 Yes, I'm fairly certain the divorce papers have arrived. 1.4052 0.05740 116 77 31 8
743 You win. You lawyer is better than mine. 1.4052 0.05473 116 75 35 6
744 Hello John? My wife finally signed the divorce papers. 1.4052 0.05740 116 77 31 8
745 I’m telling you, there’s a contract out on me. 1.4052 0.06360 116 82 21 13
746 I'm guessing they thought our offer was a little low. 1.4052 0.05740 116 77 31 8
747 I'd like to report a threatening letter. 1.4052 0.05996 116 79 27 10
748 No, she did not sign the divorce papers. 1.4052 0.05869 116 78 29 9
749 I think we're beyond mediation. 1.4052 0.05996 116 79 27 10
750 Yes, the divorce is now final. 1.4052 0.06591 116 84 17 15
751 No, I don't mean that figuratively. 1.4052 0.06360 116 82 21 13
752 Hello, I would like to report a heretic. 1.4052 0.06360 116 82 21 13
753 It's more of a "Honey Don't" list 1.4052 0.05996 116 79 27 10
754 Unfortunately, I can confirm his story about why he didn't turn in his homework. 1.4052 0.06477 116 83 19 14
755 No, I can't read them, but I'm pretty sure they're divorce papers. 1.4052 0.06704 116 85 15 16
756 You're going to have to read it for me but I got the gist. 1.4052 0.05740 116 77 31 8
757 Couldn’t you have just texted me? 1.4052 0.05996 116 79 27 10
758 I had hoped she'd file divorce papers, but it still hurts. 1.4052 0.06241 116 81 23 12
759 I feel as though she doesn't want to talk about it 1.4052 0.05869 116 78 29 9
760 You win. Can I pay on the phone? 1.4052 0.05740 116 77 31 8
761 I'd like to start getting my phone bill by email. 1.4052 0.06241 116 81 23 12
762 I think I have just been served. 1.4052 0.05996 116 79 27 10
763 Apparently, I failed to agree with the terms of service. 1.4035 0.06068 114 78 26 10
764 Yes, I guess she could have used a Post-it note. 1.4035 0.06068 114 78 26 10
765 Yes, he left of demands. No, I can’t read them to you. 1.4035 0.05939 114 77 28 9
766 I believe my wife might be filing for divorce. 1.4035 0.05672 114 75 32 7
767 I'm not sure, what does a Dear John letter look like? 1.4035 0.06068 114 78 26 10
768 This time I think she's serious about her to do list. 1.4035 0.06319 114 80 22 12
769 She served the divorce papers this morning. 1.4017 0.06197 117 82 23 12
770 I'm not sure what are his demands are, but he definitely has my attention. 1.3982 0.06227 113 79 23 11
771 It seems we've run out of post it notes. 1.3982 0.05557 113 74 33 6
772 Honey, I'm painfully aware of your to-do list. 1.3982 0.06353 113 80 21 12
773 Yes, Maude, I got your text, email and the letter stuck to the knife in my back. Thanks for checking. 1.3982 0.06227 113 79 23 11
774 I got your note but haven't been able to read it yet. 1.3982 0.05557 113 74 33 6
775 I can’t get my hands on that document right now. 1.3982 0.06099 113 78 25 10
776 Fine, Lois, I'll sign, but one point is still bothering me. 1.3982 0.05557 113 74 33 6
777 One student really nailed his thesis on Martin Luther. 1.3982 0.05968 113 77 27 9
778 Sorry, you just missed her. 1.3982 0.05968 113 77 27 9
779 I think she’s serious about this divorce thing. 1.3982 0.06099 113 78 25 10
780 Okay...I got the point...what's the message? 1.3982 0.06099 113 78 25 10
781 Unsubscribe 1.3982 0.06353 113 80 21 12
782 No. What "Dear John" letter? 1.3982 0.05697 113 75 31 7
783 Arlene was less than enthusiastic when I asked her to sign a prenuptial agreement. 1.3982 0.06227 113 79 23 11
784 Sheila, where did you put the divorce papers? 1.3982 0.06476 113 81 19 13
785 My sense is we still don't have agreement on the terms. 1.3982 0.05968 113 77 27 9
786 I have a feeling this divorce procedure is going to be more acrimonious than we thought. 1.3982 0.05557 113 74 33 6
787 You can just go back to slipping the menus under the door. 1.3982 0.05697 113 75 31 7
788 She has a few more amendments to the Prenup. 1.3964 0.06685 111 81 16 14
789 Yes, she is serious about the divorce. 1.3964 0.05904 111 75 28 8
790 I think the trial separation ship has sailed. 1.3964 0.06561 111 80 18 13
791 that note you let...I'm having difficulty reading it. 1.3964 0.06175 111 77 24 10
792 Did I get the pre-nup back? Yea, I got the pre-nup back. 1.3964 0.06306 111 78 22 11
793 Yes dear, I got your note. 1.3964 0.05904 111 75 28 8
794 After she presented me the papers, I said “Why don’t you just go ahead and stab me back while you’re at it?” Boy, am I glad I didn’t say anything about testicles! 1.3964 0.06041 111 76 26 9
795 Hello. Is Martin Luther there? 1.3964 0.06435 111 79 20 12
796 Well, the good news is that I'm on the front page... 1.3964 0.06041 111 76 26 9
797 Well, the good news is she finally signed the divorce papers. 1.3964 0.05904 111 75 28 8
798 OK, so just what DOES constitute "irreconcilable differences? 1.3964 0.06041 111 76 26 9
799 Your mother stopped by and left you a note. 1.3964 0.06435 111 79 20 12
800 My wife says she was inspired by Martin Luther. 1.3964 0.06175 111 77 24 10
801 Yes, they are sharp words dear, but I do get the point. 1.3964 0.06041 111 76 26 9
802 You put the instructions on the back of what? 1.3964 0.06306 111 78 22 11
803 No, counseling is not an option. 1.3964 0.06175 111 77 24 10
804 hello Amazon, I'd like to report a drone misfire 1.3964 0.06041 111 76 26 9
805 What divorce papers?! 1.3964 0.06306 111 78 22 11
806 Occasionally, the sword is actually mightier than the pen. 1.3964 0.05620 111 73 32 6
807 I can't come in today -- I'm stuck at home. 1.3964 0.06041 111 76 26 9
808 I don't think my fiance is going to sign those prenuptial papers. 1.3964 0.05904 111 75 28 8
809 The divorce is final and I got the cutlery! 1.3964 0.06175 111 77 24 10
810 I’ve heard from your lawyer. 1.3964 0.06306 111 78 22 11
811 Don't expect me to take this lying down. 1.3964 0.06175 111 77 24 10
812 So then I said, I would rather stick a knife through my back than sign this contract 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
813 A Post-It would have been perfectly adequate. 1.3945 0.06116 109 75 25 9
814 They did send a rather pointed message. 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
815 My wife took a stab at filing for divorce. 1.3945 0.06388 109 77 21 11
816 All I said to her is, I can't believe you have all those issues with me, I would like to see a list! 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
817 Yes, she's just given me feedback on the settlement. 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
818 He left me this really passive aggressive note. 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
819 'I don't think it's a love letter; more like a list of grievances...' 1.3945 0.06116 109 75 25 9
820 I didn't get to read it yet, but I have a sneakng suspicion this is their final notice . 1.3945 0.06520 109 78 19 12
821 I'd like to report an overzealous process server. 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
822 Yes, her attorney just served me with the divorce papers. 1.3945 0.06388 109 77 21 11
823 I think someone in the office might be a back stabber. 1.3945 0.06116 109 75 25 9
824 . . .she was quite pointed with her demands. 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
825 But the good news, my darling, is that she finally signed the divorce papers. 1.3945 0.06388 109 77 21 11
826 Yes, I'd like to cancel my home delivery service. 1.3945 0.05533 109 71 33 5
827 The wedding is still on, but she’d like a few changes in the prenup. 1.3945 0.06520 109 78 19 12
828 I want out. This contract is killing me. 1.3945 0.05684 109 72 31 6
829 So I assume an amicable divorce is out of the question? 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
830 Not sure yet , but I think she wants a divorce 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
831 And THEN he said, 'if you have already made a payment, please disregard this reminder'... 1.3945 0.05684 109 72 31 6
832 I'm calling to complain about your process server. 1.3945 0.05832 109 73 29 7
833 No officer, I haven't had a chance to read the ransom note yet. 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
834 Hello, Equifax? I've got some lingering questions about the 'Terms of Service Agreement' that your special courier just delivered. 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
835 I thought we agreed to bury the hatchet. 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
836 I'm not sure what it says 1.3945 0.06116 109 75 25 9
837 Hi, can you help me change my delivery preferences? 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
838 No, she's not coming back. I haven't read the note yet, but the signs are pretty clear. 1.3945 0.05976 109 74 27 8
839 Yes, I feel the criticism was very pointed. 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
840 No, I don't think it's going to be amicable. 1.3929 0.06130 112 78 24 10
841 No, I haven't seen your 10 page letter about me being insensitive and unfeeling. 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
842 Yes, She gave me the divorce papers...a few minutes ago...No, I need to talk to a doctor before I sign anything. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
843 I think it's time to ditch the landline. The bill is literally killing me. 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
844 Why yes, she did leave a note... 1.3925 0.05902 107 72 28 7
845 I got a rather pointed response. 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
846 I'm tired of always getting stuck with a long list of chores. 1.3925 0.05902 107 72 28 7
847 Wittenberg Residence 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
848 Where did you leave it? 1.3925 0.05902 107 72 28 7
849 No need to come to the E.R. Mr. Jones, that’s just the new middle class tax cuts your feeling. 1.3925 0.06869 107 79 14 14
850 I have a great back story to tell you, if only I could get around to it. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
851 Apparently I have been served. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
852 As if the knife in the back wasn't self explanatory. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
853 Yes dear you made your point, words do hurt. 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
854 No, I haven't seen your note yet, but I have a feeling about it. 1.3925 0.05751 107 71 30 6
855 Kushner speaking. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
856 ...but the good news is she signed the divorce papers. 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
857 A back due notice has been brought to my attention. 1.3925 0.05902 107 72 28 7
858 Are you saying you don' t want to give marriage counseling a go? 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
859 It's not that she broke it off, it's the way she did it that hurts more than anything else 1.3925 0.05751 107 71 30 6
860 Yes, I’m calling him a back-stabber. No, I don’t mean it metaphorically. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
861 My wife makes a strong point 1.3925 0.05751 107 71 30 6
862 I'd like to report a malicious posting. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
863 Yup, the back pain is getting worse, and I still can't find the will. 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
864 Can't you just leave a message on my voicemail like everyone else? 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
865 I jokingly told her to take a stab at it. 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
866 It’s just a feeling I have 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
867 So, do you remember when he promised he’d take care of us…health insurance for everybody…tax cuts for the middle class..? 1.3925 0.06996 107 80 12 15
868 It's a rather threatening note. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
869 My back hurts and, no, I did't see your stupid note 1.3909 0.06470 110 79 19 12
870 Is this the Anger Management Hotline? 1.3889 0.06556 108 78 18 12
871 Describe my symptoms? Well, I'm feeling a little listless, and there's a stabbing pain in my back. 1.3889 0.05859 108 73 28 7
872 This new ‘Rate Your Professor’ interface is problematic. 1.3889 0.06422 108 77 20 11
873 Hey Roger, so let me tell you how that whole prenup issue went over.... 1.3889 0.06422 108 77 20 11
874 I just got the newest version of the tax reform bill. 1.3889 0.06005 108 74 26 8
875 Well, the divorce is final. 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
876 I'd like to stop my mail please. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
877 No, things are not improving at work. 1.3868 0.06645 106 77 17 12
878 I think she means it, this time. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
879 You couldn't have had a sheriff's deputy deliver the divorce papers like everyone else? 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
880 I think because of my rogue apostrophes. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
881 I'd like to report what I think is a hate crime. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
882 I think it’s just a paper cut. 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
883 No, I haven't read your letter, but I get the point. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
884 Yes, an ambulance and a pen. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
885 Yes, I did receive your previous message, thank you. 1.3868 0.05777 106 71 29 6
886 Hold off on the ice sculpture. The pre-nup seems to have ticked her off a bit. 1.3868 0.06645 106 77 17 12
887 On second thought I've decided to accept all the editorial suggestions. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
888 I laughed when she said it was an unauthorized autobiography. 1.3868 0.06508 106 76 19 11
889 I would like to order a refrigerator 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
890 I'd like to switch my subscription to "Online Only" please. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
891 Honey, I'm sorry to bother you at work but where did you leave the grocery shopping list?? 1.3868 0.07039 106 80 11 15
892 What––you couldn't just text? 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
893 My acupuncturist made a point of informing me of his cancellation policy. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
894 You know that spot right in the middle of your back that you just can't reach? 1.3868 0.05619 106 70 31 5
895 Hi, Bob. Can you come over and read something for me? 1.3868 0.05930 106 72 27 7
896 The kids are taking their Reformation studies a little too seriously. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
897 Oh, no! You're not pinning this one on me! 1.3868 0.06508 106 76 19 11
898 Yes, I received your attachment. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
899 I sense you've been letting things build up again. 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
900 The complaints may be justified, but not the delivery. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
901 Yes, dear, but I haven't read it yet! 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
902 Can you recommend a good lawyer? I'm sure it's going to be a bitter divorce. 1.3868 0.05930 106 72 27 7
903 Well, regardless of whether their demand list is reasonable, I have a small issue with the delivery method. 1.3868 0.05930 106 72 27 7
904 Mrs. Luther, please come pick up Marty. He’s totally out of control. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
905 I can't. I'm stuck at home. 1.3868 0.06508 106 76 19 11
906 What do you mean, "Is there a backstory?" 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
907 I don't think this is how arbitration is supposed to work. 1.3868 0.06226 106 74 23 9
908 I guess this finalizes our divorce. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
909 We're out of Post-it notes again. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
910 Yes, dear. I got your note. It came as quite a surprise. 1.3868 0.05619 106 70 31 5
911 Honey, Do you know what happened to the "to do" list I left for you on the refrigerator? 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
912 I'm sorry I don't have it in front of me but I can only assume I'm in serious trouble. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
913 I think she took the kids, the silver and most of the cutlery. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
914 Well, I don’t know. How would YOU define ‘emergency’? 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
915 I got your note, but I'm having a hard time seeing your perspective. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
916 I simply asked if they had any Girl Scout cookies that were vegan, gluten free, made in a factory without nuts, and if they were ethically sourced. 1.3846 0.05847 104 70 28 6
917 Yes, it is a bad time. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
918 It was Admiral Arthur with the Hunting Knife in the Library just as I finished the manuscript. Please send an ambulance. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
919 Why yes, I did receive your killer memorandum. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
920 Divorce papers? Of course I would know if I had been served with divorce papers. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
921 The news is killing me. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
922 Yes, apparently, my wife has her own list of 95 grievances. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
923 Yes, Mary left me a dear John letter, but I can’t put my hands on it. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
924 Do you recall what we did with the 'Do Not Resuscitate' forms? 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
925 I'm getting so much resistance from behind. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
926 Hey... So I got your message 1.3846 0.05847 104 70 28 6
927 Please cancel my subscription immediately. 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
928 Exactly what did you mean when you said, "I've got your back?" 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
929 I have not read the fine print, no. 1.3846 0.05847 104 70 28 6
930 What's black and white and red all over? 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
931 Yes, I got your list of demands. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
932 No, the handwriting is definitely not on the wall. 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
933 I'd like to report a malicious posting. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
934 Well, the ‘Honey Do’ List isn’t so passive-aggressive any more. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
935 I got the note. 1.3846 0.06874 104 77 14 13
936 It was how she delivered the papers that really stung. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
937 911? Help! I just received the tax reform bill. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
938 You had me at "goodbye." 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
939 Yes, the divorce papers arrived. Was she angry? I couldn't tell... 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
940 So I guess couple's therapy is out of the question. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
941 You left a note? What note? 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
942 Hello Anton Press, I just got your rejection of my short story and it was very hurtful. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
943 In the future, can you just e-mail me? 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
944 Let me fill you in on my backstory, which is quite painful to discuss. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
945 I just thought the vacuum cleaner was the perfect present. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
946 I gotta tell you, these itemized bills are killing me. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
947 With all due respect Sir, these back taxes are killing me 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
948 Apparently it's gone beyond just cleaning his litter box more often. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
949 Martin Luther, please. Yes, I’ll hold. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
950 She served the divorce papers. Something tells me this is going to be nasty. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
951 I'm looking for a policy that covers a coexisting condition. 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
952 She says I've no feelings. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
953 I"m not sure, but I suspect it's a "Dear John" letter. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
954 I guess Mueller is serious about wanting me to come testify. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
955 Yeah, it's the new Obamacare repeal bill. Can't the doctor see me before Tuesday? 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
956 All I said was "I don't think a President should tweet". 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
957 I think I've been served. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
958 Martin, for the 95th time, your thesis proposal was not accepted. 1.3832 0.06457 107 77 19 11
959 Good news. We can set the date. My wife signed the divorce papers. 1.3824 0.05919 102 69 27 6
960 I'm not angry, it just hurts. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
961 I haven’t gotten around to reading it. 1.3824 0.05919 102 69 27 6
962 Their reply was pointed, to say the least. 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
963 I don't know what the terms of divorce are, but they sure hurt. 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
964 I have the feeling that a number of pointed remarks were made about me behind my back 1.3824 0.06392 102 72 21 9
965 Get me my lawyer. And my doctor. 1.3824 0.05919 102 69 27 6
966 I'll go ahead and shoot you a reply. 1.3824 0.06689 102 74 17 11
967 Yes, dear, it hurts more than acupuncture. 1.3824 0.05581 102 67 31 4
968 The divorce papers just arrived. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
969 I have questions about your terms and conditions. 1.3824 0.06392 102 72 21 9
970 No, I think this time she really means it. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
971 A PDF would have sufficed. 1.3824 0.06392 102 72 21 9
972 Yes,thank you, I received your demands but I can't actually read them. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
973 I’ve tried to read it in the mirror, but the print is backwards. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
974 No, I think I can state with some certainty that she won't sign the prenuptial agreement you prepared? 1.3824 0.06689 102 74 17 11
975 Yes, he is a back stabber. Why do you ask? 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
976 911? Yeah, I've got this stabbing pain in my divorce papers... er, back... 1.3824 0.05919 102 69 27 6
977 No, she left a few minutes ago, but she did leave a homocide note. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
978 Hi sweetie, where did you say you put the grocery list? 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
979 I received your final notice. 1.3824 0.06392 102 72 21 9
980 I'm not denying that I owe the money. I'm taking issue with your collection methods. 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
981 It would be easier to read if you'd just left it on the nightstand. 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
982 I'm assuming my manuscript was rejected. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
983 I said I'll take a stab at paying the bills. Then she said she had a better idea. 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
984 I'd like to make a back payment. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
985 I just got served with divorce papers. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
986 Note? What note? 1.3824 0.06080 102 70 25 7
987 I think she's serious this time. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
988 The divorce is going about as well as I expected. 1.3824 0.05919 102 69 27 6
989 I haven't read it yet, but I think she wants a divorce. 1.3824 0.06689 102 74 17 11
990 She not signing the pre nup. 1.3824 0.06832 102 75 15 12
991 Yes the knife hurts, but the disclaimers are killing me. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
992 Yes, she got back to me on the proposed changes to the prenup. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
993 Hey - I need for you to come over,and read something to me. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
994 No, it’s more of a stabbing pain. 1.3824 0.06689 102 74 17 11
995 She left. She wouldn't sign the prenup. 1.3824 0.06392 102 72 21 9
996 You could have used tape. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
997 I’d like to report a death by fake news. 1.3810 0.06258 105 74 22 9
998 Marjorie, I'm having trouble reading your to-do list. 1.3810 0.06258 105 74 22 9
999 When she said, “I’ve got your back,” I thought it was a good thing. 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1000 These manuscript rejections are killing me. 1.3800 0.05646 100 66 30 4
1001 I'm sure there's an emoticon that would have worked just as well. 1.3800 0.06633 100 72 18 10
1002 Hello, Roman Times? About your paper boy, Brutus... 1.3800 0.06784 100 73 16 11
1003 It's for me but I can't read it. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1004 I'M CALLING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW YOUR PAPER IS DELIVERED!! 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1005 At this moment it's a little difficult to read the fine print. 1.3800 0.05993 100 68 26 6
1006 What letter? 1.3800 0.05993 100 68 26 6
1007 So much for "The Art of the Deal." 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1008 All I remember was that he looked like a monk 1.3800 0.06931 100 74 14 12
1009 I got your message and I feel your pain. 1.3800 0.05822 100 67 28 5
1010 Sorry , I will not be in today, my marriage is going through a reformation. 1.3800 0.05993 100 68 26 6
1011 To add insult to injury, they charged me with carrying a concealed weapon! 1.3800 0.06931 100 74 14 12
1012 I'm sorry I have to cancel our poker game tonight, Charlie, but I just got an urgent note from my wife that forces me to change plans. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1013 Tell the Pope that Luther is at it again 1.3800 0.06633 100 72 18 10
1014 My wife’s to do list is killing me. 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1015 Hello, I would like to request a retraction. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1016 I got your note and just want to let you know I feel your pain. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1017 You could say our relationship ended on a bad note. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1018 Sorry, Martin Luther just left. 1.3800 0.06784 100 73 16 11
1019 I think she’s serious about the divorce this time. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1020 I'm sorry sir, but we don't cover backstabbing 1.3800 0.06633 100 72 18 10
1021 Hello,9-1-1? I think I just received a death threat. 1.3800 0.06784 100 73 16 11
1022 The new tax regulations are here. 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1023 Hi, I just received my health care plan renewal notice, and I have a few questions. 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1024 Yes, I received your Final Demand notice. 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1025 Hi Hon. I used two mirrors to read your letter. You seem angry. 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
1026 Yes, I’ve been served the divorce papers. No, I haven’t had a chance to read them yet. 1.3800 0.06931 100 74 14 12
1027 I get your point...but I'm not happy about it! 1.3800 0.06159 100 69 24 7
1028 I'd like to order a mirror, please. 1.3800 0.06784 100 73 16 11
1029 It says 'Kick me,' more or less. 1.3800 0.06633 100 72 18 10
1030 Yes, she delivered the divorce papers this morning. 1.3800 0.06784 100 73 16 11
1031 He said, "You've been served....oh, and your wife wants the knife back" 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1032 The divorce papers came today. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1033 Can I please speak to a Doctor of Letters? 1.3789 0.06723 95 68 18 9
1034 Yes. The divorce papers just arrived. 1.3786 0.05708 103 69 29 5
1035 I liked your manuscript it's spine tingling. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
1036 No, dear, I am just saying that's what refrigerator magnets are for. 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
1037 Yes, I got my wife's list of grievances. 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
1038 I'd like to order a bulletin board for my wife. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
1039 Emergency ? I have a list of demands attached to my back with a knife . I would like to know what the demands are. 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
1040 I get your point. 1.3786 0.05873 103 70 27 6
1041 Brute? Et Tu? 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
1042 I’d like to switch to auto-pay. 1.3786 0.06634 103 75 17 11
1043 I found your note. Are you mad at me? 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
1044 The difference is that Luther nailed his doctrines on a CHURCH DOOR! 1.3774 0.06352 106 76 20 10
1045 No, I haven't read your message 1.3762 0.06426 101 72 20 9
1046 Yeah, I got your message. It's just a little hard to read. 1.3750 0.06139 104 73 23 8
1047 I made some good points, but his presentation was far more compelling. 1.3750 0.05827 104 71 27 6
1048 No, this time I think she's really gone. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1049 If that's your demand letter, I'd hate to see your cease-and-desist. 1.3737 0.06021 99 68 25 6
1050 Hello, Mr. Luther? Did you not see me standing in the doorway? 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1051 Can you repost Martin's document as a pdf? 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1052 Yes Mother, I received my divorce papers. As a matter-of-fact she was kind enough to deliver them in person. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1053 On second thought, I'd prefer the online edition only. 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1054 Hold on, I just got a text. 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1055 If I had to guess, I'd say it was a contract killing... 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1056 Or, you could just e-mail me 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1057 I'm calling to unsubscribe from your newsletter 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1058 Tell me it doesn't say 'Kick Me'! 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1059 Stabbing me in the back wasn't enough, Stanley? You had to add the notes from the morning meeting? 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1060 Yes, baby doll, I marched right in and demanded a divorce. Then, as I marched out, she made an excellent point. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1061 Yeah... I think they're really serious about this eviction notice. 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1062 I just feel that the GOP is taking ‘death and taxes’ a bit too literally with this new bill 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1063 Honey, you're going to kill me, but I can't find the grocery list again. 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1064 I have a feeling she really means it this time! 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1065 I think it's time we switched to electronic bill delivery. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1066 I don't think the terms are negotiable. 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1067 It isn't a very good severance package. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1068 Yes, I got my performance review today. 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1069 Honey...where is that note that said why you are leaving me? 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1070 But Mr. Luther, I'm not even Catholic? 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1071 Hello, 911? I have a feeling that the mob put a contract out on me. 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1072 Who do I talk to about someone posting a hate message? 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1073 About your final notice... 1.3737 0.05847 99 67 27 5
1074 Well, no, I didn't read it yet, but something tells me it's bad. 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1075 Yeah, I think she's really serious this time. 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1076 I need an appointment to review a legal document; today would be great. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1077 I got your divorce papers. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1078 I need to speak to the attorney, my wife just served me papers! 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1079 I think she's really serious about the divorce! 1.3737 0.06973 99 74 13 12
1080 Consider me served. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1081 The job started ok but now the paperwork's killing me. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1082 Remember what she said about sticking it to me? 1.3737 0.05847 99 67 27 5
1083 I'd like to register a complaint about your subpoena service. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1084 Let's keep the date. My wife just filed for divorce. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1085 I DO know what you mean, the news is killing me too! 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1086 Remember that idea you had for sticky notes? 1.3737 0.05847 99 67 27 5
1087 Mildred, did you see the suicide note I left by the phone this morning? 1.3737 0.06671 99 72 17 10
1088 She doesn't suspect a thing. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1089 I'd like to report a contract killing. 1.3737 0.05847 99 67 27 5
1090 She's hired very assertive divorce lawyers. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1091 It went better than I thought. She brought over the divorce papers to sign, gave me a big old hug and out the door she went. 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1092 I think I'm going to agree to counseling. She's made it pointedly clear that we have much to discuss. 1.3736 0.06565 91 64 20 7
1093 Yes, Mrs. Jones, technically Billy did turn in his homework... 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1094 Yes, dear, I got the divorce papers...nice touch on the Process Server. 1.3711 0.06606 97 70 18 9
1095 911 - this is a contractual emergency 1.3711 0.06099 97 67 24 6
1096 Yes, I think I got the message. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1097 Yes, she just finished the chapter on the Protestant Reformation. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1098 Your mother stopped by. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1099 Just tell him I got the message! 1.3711 0.06606 97 70 18 9
1100 Hello, may I speak to Martin Luther? 1.3711 0.06606 97 70 18 9
1101 Her actions speak louder than her words. 1.3711 0.06767 97 71 16 10
1102 No golf today guys, my wife has stuck me with a To Do List. 1.3711 0.06099 97 67 24 6
1103 Not to worry, dear, it's just where you left it. 1.3711 0.05736 97 65 28 4
1104 No. I am sorry you missed her. She just left. 1.3711 0.05546 97 64 30 3
1105 I haven't read it yet, but I'm pretty sure she's claiming irreconcilable differences. 1.3711 0.05920 97 66 26 5
1106 I'm sure my wife left a reminder. I'll look around for it. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1107 Sweetie, it seems you forgot to sign the prenup. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1108 Honey. It's me. I can't seem to find your to-do list anywhere. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1109 I thought the next step after Mediation was Arbitration. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1110 Well yes, she did really drive the point home. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1111 Hello-Cheryl? Yeah, I think my wife knows about us. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1112 I am not insensitive. 1.3711 0.06767 97 71 16 10
1113 I get that you are upset with me. But this is not how we communicate in the digital age. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1114 I can't read it, but I don't think it's good. 1.3711 0.05736 97 65 28 4
1115 Tell them I'm ready to settle 1.3711 0.06606 97 70 18 9
1116 No, I have not been able to read the note yet ... 1.3711 0.06924 97 72 14 11
1117 Hi, she wouldn't sign the prenup. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1118 Stop being a grammar Nazi, I know what “literally” means. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1119 Let’s just say she didn’t sign the NDA, Mr Weinstein 1.3711 0.06924 97 72 14 11
1120 I need you to come over read read something to me. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1121 I get your point. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1122 I'm starting to think she's serious about getting that divorce. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1123 Yeah, I need an appointment with Dr. Wallace. I've got a suspicious subpoena on my back I want him to take a look at. 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1124 Okay, but that's not what people usually mean when they say "I'm gonna stick it to you!" 1.3711 0.06767 97 71 16 10
1125 I’m calling about the ‘offer I can’t refuse’... 1.3711 0.06273 97 68 22 7
1126 I'm just trying to put the whole thing behind me. 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1127 So I presented the prenup you suggested... 1.3711 0.06099 97 67 24 6
1128 I have been looking dear- I can't find it anywhere! 1.3711 0.06606 97 70 18 9
1129 I'll try to make sense of the thing, but it's going to be a reach. 1.3711 0.06099 97 67 24 6
1130 No, I haven't read the note. Were you listening when I talked about the knife? 1.3700 0.07199 100 77 9 14
1131 This metaphor is killing me. 1.3700 0.06301 100 71 21 8
1132 I agree in principle, but there is still one sticking point. 1.3684 0.06702 95 69 17 9
1133 Bad news....The IRS stuck me with back taxes again. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1134 I've had a hunch that my days as a powerful, white male were numbered, but now I'm quite certain. 1.3684 0.05996 95 65 25 5
1135 Hello, 911, my wife is missing. She left me a note, but I can't read it. 1.3684 0.05610 95 63 29 3
1136 You make a good point. 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1137 "What note"? 1.3684 0.06702 95 69 17 9
1138 Yes. I did get the divorce papers from your lawyer. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1139 The IRS have changed their notification methods. 1.3684 0.06702 95 69 17 9
1140 yes dear, I think I got the point 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1141 She hired a Lutheran lawyer. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1142 Is it valid service of process if they left it where I can't see it? 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1143 "OK, you've convinced me to go with paperless bills.". 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1144 You could have done this via voicemail... 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1145 "if this is what you meant when you said 'you'll have my back' it's time to end our relationship 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1146 Late payments department? I’d like to set up online billing, please. 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1147 By the way, World of Cutlery has responded to our letter of complaint. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1148 Yes, Mom, I suppose it is poetic. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1149 I’m trying not to take my performance review personally. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1150 Hi Honey. Do you remember what you did with that pre-nup I asked you to sign? 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1151 I think you know the point of this call. 1.3684 0.05806 95 64 27 4
1152 This one appears to be enforceable. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1153 I have this bad feeling that my manuscript was rejected. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1154 Just tell the doctor that I need to know how to delete a message. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1155 I'd like to report a delivery problem. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1156 There's one point in the contract I wasn't too crazy about. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1157 Yes, I’m aware it’s March 15th. 1.3684 0.05996 95 65 25 5
1158 I think that I must have said "Fake News" too many times. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1159 Mark, if you wanted me to read your new screenplay, you could have just asked. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1160 He said it was too important to put into an e-mail. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1161 About that comment you made yesterday that "You had my back"... 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1162 Please tell Mr. Luther I received his 95 complaints. 1.3684 0.06867 95 70 15 10
1163 "You certainly made your point!!! 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1164 I found your note. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1165 Yes, a sharp pain just below the payment due amount. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1166 Barbara, it's one thing to stab me in the back, but lying about leaving me a letter takes the cake. 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1167 No mom, she means it this time. She stuck me with divorce papers. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1168 And you say I can't remove it without paying early termination fees? 1.3684 0.06867 95 70 15 10
1169 No mom, it's not my imagine. There's no doubt in my mind Claire wants a divorce. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1170 Honey, I've been served. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1171 But everyone defaults on student loans 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1172 Your lawyer just visited and served the divorce papers 1.3684 0.07028 95 71 13 11
1173 She said the document was attached, but I don't see it. 1.3684 0.07185 95 72 11 12
1174 I'm sorry Mr. President, but I don't think as the FBI Director I should be expected to sign your loyalty pledge. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1175 No, I didn't read "Terms and Conditions" before clicking "I agree." 1.3684 0.06867 95 70 15 10
1176 It all started with simple 'kick me' signs taped to my back. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1177 Yes Doris I was served with the divorce papers papers. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1178 I think I get your point. 1.3684 0.05610 95 63 29 3
1179 So is that a hard 'No' to getting back together? 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1180 Dying. What are you doing? 1.3673 0.06387 98 70 20 8
1181 What if you don't actually touch the subpoena? 1.3673 0.06549 98 71 18 9
1182 His message has a point. 1.3673 0.06220 98 69 22 7
1183 Well, the divorce is final. 1.3673 0.06387 98 70 20 8
1184 Yes, I did receive your previous message. 1.3673 0.06220 98 69 22 7
1185 Eventually I did get her to sign the divorce papers. 1.3673 0.06048 98 68 24 6
1186 911? I’d like report a Russian ad trying to influence my vote. 1.3673 0.06220 98 69 22 7
1187 Hello, Circulation ? I'd like to increase my annual Christmas tip to my carrier. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1188 Yes officer, the University of Wittenberg’s chapel door. 1.3656 0.06970 93 69 14 10
1189 That’s when I realized she was giving me a back message and not a back massage. 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1190 My ex did say she'd stick it to me. 1.3656 0.05879 93 63 26 4
1191 No, it's not my lower back. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1192 I avoided getting served as long as I could. 1.3656 0.05879 93 63 26 4
1193 Yes, dear, I got your message. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1194 O.K., I'll read it. Love you too. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1195 Yes, I have been served the divorce papers. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1196 Yes, she left one -- but I can't quite read it now. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1197 I'm fine, it's just a papercut. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1198 No, I really think this is their best and final offer. 1.3656 0.06801 93 68 16 9
1199 Room Service? Can you send up a physician, and maybe a coroner? 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1200 My "don't kill the messenger" line didn't really go over like I thought it would. 1.3656 0.05467 93 61 30 2
1201 no, I havent had a chance to read the contract 1.3656 0.05879 93 63 26 4
1202 Yes, I am aware of your customer service contract. I just found it hard to read. 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1203 I'll get back to you. These Lutherans really mean business. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1204 Tell my attorney I believe that I may have just been served with the divorce papers. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1205 No, I mean it literally. The divorce feels like a stab in the back. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1206 She really stuck it to me this time. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1207 Yes, it's true, I did ask that you shouldn't leave my newspaper on the floor anymore . 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1208 A simple "overdue" notice would have sufficed! 1.3656 0.05879 93 63 26 4
1209 The printer is acting up again. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1210 Her remarks were rather pointed. 1.3656 0.05879 93 63 26 4
1211 Yes, I had lunch with my editor. 1.3656 0.06801 93 68 16 9
1212 I thought you said the writing was on the wall? 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1213 The GOOD NEWS is that they left a list of demands, and I have it with me....... 1.3656 0.06801 93 68 16 9
1214 I'm ready to sign the divorce papers. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1215 My wife finally signed the divorce papers! 1.3656 0.07136 93 70 12 11
1216 I need to talk to my attorney. My wife personally served the divorce papers. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1217 Yes, my submission received another violent rejection... 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1218 Mrs. Luther? I need to talk to you about your son. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1219 She really stabbed me in the back with these divorce papers. 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1220 A string around a finger would have sufficed. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1221 You have been processing my claim for six months and my acupuncturist is demanding immediate payment. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1222 They smiled in my face -- so I assume it says they want to take my place. 1.3656 0.06970 93 69 14 10
1223 For starters, can a party to a divorce serve the petition herself? 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1224 It was a very odd exit interview. 1.3656 0.05879 93 63 26 4
1225 Let's just say that her divorce lawyer really stabbed me in the back. 1.3656 0.06970 93 69 14 10
1226 I showed her the prenup. She said she’d think about it. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1227 I'm calling to make an appointment for a chiropractic adjustment. I have a stabbing pain between my shoulder blades that you wouldn't believe. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1228 I get the point, Helen. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1229 No, Dear, I can't find it anywhere. 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1230 It appears I've been mistaken for a church door. 1.3656 0.06627 93 67 18 8
1231 Ransom note? What ransom note? 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1232 You were right, Mother. I shouldn't have shown her the will. 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1233 Actually, my wife just delivered her divorce filing papers in person. 1.3656 0.06970 93 69 14 10
1234 my wife said she left the divorce papers somewhere in the back, but I don't know exactly where. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1235 No, I haven't read it yet. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1236 I've reconsidered my options. Please restore standard voicemail immediately. 1.3646 0.06806 96 71 15 10
1237 Sorry boss, I can't come to work today. I've got a stabbing pain in my back and I can't find my files. 1.3646 0.06475 96 69 19 8
1238 Yes, Condé Nast subscriptions? I did indeed enjoy the New Yorker trial subscription, but for the third time, I would like to cancel. 1.3646 0.06965 96 72 13 11
1239 No, this time I think she really means it. 1.3646 0.06304 96 68 21 7
1240 Yes Martin... I got your message. 1.3646 0.06475 96 69 19 8
1241 I just got the terms of our divorce. 1.3646 0.06475 96 69 19 8
1242 I just got served with the divorce papers. 1.3646 0.06127 96 67 23 6
1243 No, I haven't seen the divorce papers yet. 1.3626 0.07249 91 69 11 11
1244 Come home quickly. I need you to read something to me. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1245 And then her lawyer has the nerve to demand her knife back! 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1246 Let's try texting next time. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1247 I think it's a "Dear John" letter. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1248 No, I haven't seen her. But she did leave a "honey do" list. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1249 Sweetie, where did you put my honey-do list? 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1250 Martin Luther called, he left a message about some changes he was enthusiastic about. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1251 Apple has gotten serious with the user agreement for the new iPhone. 1.3626 0.05745 91 61 27 3
1252 No. No note she said I was clueless and left. 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1253 Go ahead with the contract, but I have 95 reasons to doubt him. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1254 I can’t talk now. My wife and I are having a discussion. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1255 Hi Chuck? I need you to come over and read something for me. 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1256 I feel unfairly targeted. 1.3626 0.05954 91 62 25 4
1257 I got my thesis back. It doesn't look good. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1258 Yes, I do have a delivery menu on me. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1259 Yes, I do take your actions as a stab in the back. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1260 I believe they are asking me to step aside. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1261 Sorry Jim, I can’t go to the game. I need to take care of the list of chores that Doris left for me. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1262 Yes, she just dropped off the divorce papers. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1263 Well, she signed the prenup. 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1264 Yes dear you did make your point. 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1265 Yes, I rejected his manuscript, but now I am stuck with it. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1266 Yes, I got the memo. What does it say? 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1267 I can't read it. You took the hand mirror too. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1268 She said it was time to ‘stick it to the man’ 1.3626 0.05745 91 61 27 3
1269 Yes, she gave me the note but I haven't read it yet. 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1270 Note? What note? 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1271 911 ? I NEED HELP TO READ A NOTE MY WIFE LEFT ME ! 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1272 Hello, Lucille. I would sign the divorce papers if I could find them. 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1273 You win. He's a back-stabber, alright. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1274 Thank you for calling, but I already got the message. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1275 No, I haven't had a chance to read it yet. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1276 It was more the way I was served. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1277 Yes mother, l think the divorce is final. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1278 I got your note. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1279 A text would have been less painful. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1280 I tried serving her the papers but she didn't take it well. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1281 She left a note. 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1282 I’m sorry, but I can’t seem to find the divorce papers you served me. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1283 Other than that, no complaints, yourself? 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1284 No, her lawyer delivered it in person. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1285 Of course I'm sure no one is getting backstabbed. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1286 I need to ask my lawyer what constitutes being legally served. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1287 Well, no. I actually haven't read it yet, but I'm pretty sure it's very hostile. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1288 Message received, Mr. President. 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1289 I'd like to order a cork board and some push pins, please. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1290 I agreed to take a stab at the new healthcare bill, and it just went downhill from there 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1291 Can we take another stab at the prenup tomorrow? 1.3626 0.05745 91 61 27 3
1292 I can't bring myself to read her divorce complaint--it hurts too much 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1293 In the future, Mr. Luther, if you have any complaints, please post them on my office door 1.3626 0.06724 91 66 17 8
1294 Yes, dear, I did receive the divorce papers. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1295 Yes, I got the reminder! 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1296 Yes, I got your message. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1297 Yes, I know this is 911. I’m telling you, she literally stuck me with divorce papers. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1298 Yes, the divorce papers have been served. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1299 OK, so you did not like my suggestion eh? 1.3626 0.05954 91 62 25 4
1300 I think I get your point. 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1301 Mom, I think Tina has left me. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1302 Can you explain, to the employees, what we mean by pinning their response to the bulletin board. 1.3626 0.06540 91 65 19 7
1303 Be careful-- the small print will kill you. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1304 Soooo...got your message... 1.3617 0.06022 94 65 24 5
1305 So I take it that you’re not open to negotiate? 1.3617 0.06567 94 68 18 8
1306 Yes Amanda, I have been approached by your legal team. 1.3617 0.06391 94 67 20 7
1307 Yes, she was here. She served the papers herself. 1.3617 0.06739 94 69 16 9
1308 My "To Do List" is killing me. 1.3617 0.06022 94 65 24 5
1309 I got stuck with my own to do list 1.3617 0.06209 94 66 22 6
1310 I got my thesis back. It doesn't look good. 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1311 If I switch to the unlimited plan is the contract affixed with a smaller knife? 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1312 Darling, next time leave it on the fridge, I will remember. 1.3587 0.06294 92 65 21 6
1313 You know, I kind of felt like your letter was a complete stab in the back. 1.3587 0.06839 92 68 15 9
1314 My lawyer has my back, unfortunately my ex wife does too. 1.3587 0.06101 92 64 23 5
1315 Where did you put the divorce papers? 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1316 I think it's from her lawyer 1.3587 0.06101 92 64 23 5
1317 No, my shirt does not say ‘Post No Bills’ on it. 1.3587 0.06101 92 64 23 5
1318 Paper cuts are the worst 1.3587 0.06663 92 67 17 8
1319 I need a doctor, a lawyer, and a talent agent. 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1320 Brutus, from billing ? 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1321 Yes, I dotted my "I's", but I'm afraid my "Ts" have been double-crossed. 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1322 It seems that I should have gone with my gut and emailed her a PDF of the divorce papers. 1.3580 0.07309 81 60 13 8
1323 I'm calling to complain about your bill collection practices? 1.3580 0.07095 81 59 15 7
1324 No. . . but I think it was a Lutheran! 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1325 I'll concede that she made a very effective point with her article. 1.3556 0.05544 90 60 28 2
1326 I know you think they are 95 good reasons, Martin, but it was still extremely inappropriate. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1327 So I asked her to give me one example. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1328 I can't put my finger on it but I think I'm forgetting something. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1329 She took backstabbing to another level 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1330 It looks like end of the third marriage. I'm handling it well, but I sense there might be an issue regarding the pre-nup. 1.3556 0.05978 90 62 24 4
1331 9-1-1? I'd like to report a manifesto. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1332 What's my emergency? Well, someone is either trying to kill me or convert me. 1.3556 0.06944 90 67 14 9
1333 Yeah, well apparently they do know if you accept the User Agreement without reading it. 1.3556 0.05544 90 60 28 2
1334 Yes, she did leave a note. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1335 I’ve got this nagging feeling that my wife’s asking for a divorce 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1336 Mr. Speaker, perhaps you should have been more specific when you said this tax bill would 'have my back.' 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1337 I asked her to take a stab at reading it. 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1338 yes, she left a note. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1339 I feel like whatever's in the fine print is going to kill me. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1340 It's a stabbing pain Harry, and it gets worse when I lie down. Think I should see a doctor? 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1341 I can't really read it, but I'm guessing the medium is the message. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1342 Hey, Bob. Yeah, I got the divorce papers but it doesn't look like it will be amicable. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1343 My wife personally served me divorce papers this morning. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1344 Hello, I’d like to make a complaint against the guy who served this subpoena... 1.3556 0.07121 90 68 12 10
1345 You can tell my wife's lawyer I've decided to settle" 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1346 Honestly, I don't think they'll be open to renegotiation. 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1347 ...so you're telling me this isn't covered by my insurance? 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1348 Yes I can assure you - this is definitely their final offer. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1349 I'd like to report an unorthodox eviction notice. 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1350 Actually, the pain of reading it is far worse, 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1351 I.m calling to complain about my newspaper delivery service. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1352 Actually, what hurts most is she could have told me to my face. 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1353 I'm telling you my wife left me and stuck me with all the bills! 1.3556 0.05765 90 61 26 3
1354 May I call you back? I got something pressing to read. 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1355 I just got served. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1356 What note? I haven't seen your blloody note! 1.3556 0.05978 90 62 24 4
1357 I just have a feeling that she means it this time. 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1358 yes, I got your "honey-do" list. 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1359 That’s not what I meant when I said I wanted to put the divorce behind me. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1360 Can you use refrigerator magnets next time you leave me a "honey do" list dear? 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1361 Hello 911; I think my wife just left me. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1362 She's not home right now, but she left a detailed note. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1363 Congress just delivered our new tax plan. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1364 She STRONGLY rejected the offer. 1.3556 0.07121 90 68 12 10
1365 The news hurt more than usual this morning. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1366 No, Doctor, I don't mind that he thinks he's Martin Luther. What I mind is that he thinks I'm the Wittenberg Castle! 1.3556 0.06762 90 66 16 8
1367 As a matter of fact, she gave me 95 reasons she's leaving. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1368 Is everything all right? You seemed a little upset this morning. 1.3556 0.05978 90 62 24 4
1369 I think she signed the divorce papers, but I'm not 100% positive. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1370 He should just say it to my face. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1371 Hello, Sol...., I don't think she's gonna go for the pre-nup. 1.3556 0.05978 90 62 24 4
1372 Hi. Remember how I always say, "The pen is mightier than the sword!"? Funny thing... 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1373 Is that you, Brutus? 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1374 It's me. Yeah, so the homeowner's association is apparently serious. 1.3556 0.06944 90 67 14 9
1375 I didn't see it coming. 1.3556 0.05978 90 62 24 4
1376 I don't think she's gonna sign the prenup. 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1377 The divorce decree arrived. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1378 Just to let you know, I do have an email account. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1379 This is non-binding, right? 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1380 Game of Thrones rejected my manuscript. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1381 I've decided to agree to your terms after all. 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1382 911? My wife's just nailed me with her grievances. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1383 Unfortunately, the mediator is dead - I think we should settle. 1.3523 0.07414 88 68 9 11
1384 I think I've been served. 1.3523 0.06056 88 61 23 4
1385 There are some issues with the prenup. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1386 The divorce is final. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1387 I dare you to come and say that to my face! 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1388 Yeah, I got your note. Very funny. 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1389 I'm being held hostage. Yes, they have a list of demands. And yes, I think they're serious. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1390 Yes Ethel I have received the divorce papers. 1.3523 0.07053 88 66 13 9
1391 I believe you've been trying to reach me about my late payment. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1392 I'd like to report a reformation. 1.3523 0.07414 88 68 9 11
1393 That's not what I meant when I said you should have my back. 1.3523 0.06268 88 62 21 5
1394 Can I call you back, mother? We're just reviewing the prenuptial agreement. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1395 You were right. I shouldn't have brought the Constitution to a knife fight. 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1396 Honey, where did you say you put the to-do list? 1.3523 0.07053 88 66 13 9
1397 I'll call you back. My wife just gave me an ultimatum. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1398 What do you mean, I don't notice you? 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1399 Karen, just confirming receipt of your Dear John letter. 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1400 Can't come over today, i've been stuck with the to do list 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1401 All right, two weeks from Friday at 2:00 pm. And while I'm there, I'd like to get a flu shot too. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1402 Apparently, we don't qualify for long term health care. 1.3523 0.06268 88 62 21 5
1403 Honey, the truce with the paperboy is off. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1404 Margaret, I can't find our Pre-Nup. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1405 I don't know, Doc. All she said was that Post-its weren't working. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1406 Our landlord just delivered the new lease agreement. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1407 I didn't realize you had left. Did you leave a note? 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1408 Yes Brutus, I got your letter. 1.3523 0.06268 88 62 21 5
1409 She's not happy I've filed for divorce but at least she's communicating. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1410 Yes the lawyer did make a point of coming by as a matter of fact. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1411 I really enjoyed out murder mystery date last night 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1412 She wants the china, but I can keep the cutlery. 1.3523 0.06056 88 61 23 4
1413 Apparently she has 95 complaints 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1414 She has some problems with the pre-nup. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1415 My wife found the love letter you sent me. 1.3523 0.07053 88 66 13 9
1416 I still owe the paper boy money 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1417 My shirt specifically says, "Post No Bills." 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1418 You put it where? 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1419 He said his name was Luther. Martin Luther. 1.3523 0.07235 88 67 11 10
1420 This time I think she might really mean it. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1421 I'm going to be late this morning .... my wife just served me divorce papers. 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1422 Yes, she just delivered the divorce papers. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1423 It was pointed criticism, but I can't grasp the specifics. 1.3523 0.06268 88 62 21 5
1424 Yes, it’s an emergency! Please send an ambulance and an editor. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1425 I’m getting the feeling that she’s not interested in a no-fault divorce. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1426 I'm positive I ordered a SINGING telegram. 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1427 Hi dear, it's me. Tell me again what I was supposed to do today. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1428 He didn't give a last name. Said his first name was Martin. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1429 Yes, she did leave a note for you and said you'd know where to find it. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1430 She's adamant. She won't sign the prenup. 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1431 The job made me an offer I just can't refuse 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1432 No Mother, the wedding is definitely off. I've received a lengthy Dear John letter and frankly it cuts like a knife. 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1433 This is just another example of you going behind my back. 1.3523 0.06268 88 62 21 5
1434 Hello Daily Bugler, is it too late to get an obit in tomorrow's paper? 1.3523 0.06473 88 63 19 6
1435 Yes, I can describe him. It was a monk with a German accent. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1436 You can tell your divorce attorney I get the point. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1437 Yes Karen, I received the divorce papers by 'special delivery'... 1.3500 0.07138 80 59 14 7
1438 I don't think we'll be sending little Martin to Catholic school. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1439 Edna left me again, and I think she means it this time. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1440 No, this time I think she's really serious about the divorce. 1.3488 0.07166 86 65 12 9
1441 Hang on, I know she put it somewhere 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1442 Hang on, I think she just finished the grocery list. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1443 You put it where? 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1444 No, it's 13 across, 6 letters. "Bodkin or Dagger". I'm stuck. 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
1445 I just got your lawyer's outline of a suggested property settlement. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1446 No, I do not have time to take a survey. 1.3488 0.07166 86 65 12 9
1447 ...yeah, but if I don’t take it out of my back, then I haven’t officially been served. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1448 I don't think my wife is willing to sign the divorce papers you served... Any paperless suggestions? 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1449 About 9, on a scale of 0 to 10. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1450 I think I just received a hate letter. 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
1451 She found a sticking point in the divorce settlement. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1452 The contract wasn't quite as iron-clad as we thought. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1453 Honey, where did you leave that to-do list you're always nagging about? 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
1454 A simple post-it note would have sufficed. 1.3488 0.06137 86 60 22 4
1455 I feel compelled to mention a few sticking points. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1456 Yes, the papers were served—but I must say “blunt” is the wrong adjective to describe their delivery. 1.3488 0.05910 86 59 24 3
1457 My order was actually for a back *scratcher* 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1458 Then I said, "You forged that knife, why not my signature?" 1.3488 0.07354 86 66 10 10
1459 I'd like to switch to the paperless option for hidden fees. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1460 Florence, if you have something to say to me, just say it to my face! 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1461 Yes, dear, I'll be sure to read the article. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1462 I’ve just received a notice about a back payment? 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1463 The police are investigating, but I'm almost certain it was Martin Luther. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1464 Divorce Papers Just Came Through, She's Not Happy !! 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1465 Hello , Anger Management Center ... 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1466 If she left a good-bye note, I haven't seen it. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1467 Hey Bill, What's the name of that divorce attorney you were telling me about? 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1468 I think she's maybe considering leaving me, possibly. 1.3488 0.06137 86 60 22 4
1469 Et tu, Con Ed. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1470 No, it isn't just a feeling. I'm sure she wants a divorce. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1471 She has a few suggestions about my will. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1472 My wife just left me a note. I think we'll have to pass on the card game tonight. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1473 Dear, the cook just gave notice. 1.3488 0.07166 86 65 12 9
1474 Yeah, I got the message. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1475 And that's all she wrote. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1476 Hello, Frank? That DYI prenup form may not be quite as helpful as we thought. 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
1477 Yeah, I got the memo. 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1478 I don't think 'amicable' is a possibility anymore. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1479 I'll tell you what the problem is. The problem is I'm not THAT Martin Luther! 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1480 How would I know what the note says? 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
1481 It's not that she served me with divorce papers, it's how she did it that hurts the most. 1.3488 0.06773 86 63 16 7
1482 She delivered the divorce paperwork herself. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
1483 I’d like to report a schism. 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
1484 Can you represent me? I have just been served the divorce papers. Yes, you could say it was a surprise. 1.3483 0.05784 89 61 25 3
1485 Hello, Yes, I'd like to renew my subscription. And also a few more back issues. 1.3483 0.07341 89 69 9 11
1486 Couldn't you have just SIGNED the divorce papers? 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
1487 My wife would like to make a few 'tweaks' to our divorce agreement. 1.3457 0.06840 81 59 16 6
1488 Well yes doctor, I would describe it as a stabbing pain in the middle of my back. 1.3457 0.06611 81 58 18 5
1489 A simple 'We will not be publishing your manuscript.' would have been sufficient. 1.3457 0.06126 81 56 22 3
1490 Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a registered voter. 1.3457 0.07278 81 61 12 8
1491 How should I know? I don't have eyes in the back of my head. 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1492 I'll be late for work today, my neighbor took the 500th anniversary of the Reformation a bit too literal this morning . . . 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1493 Yes, she finally got around to serving me the divorce papers. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1494 Yeah, Bob, she didn't accept my apology. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1495 Yes Mom, i'm pretty sure she is not coming back 1.3452 0.07667 84 66 7 11
1496 She was just here. 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1497 But on the bright side, she did reply to my letter. 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1498 It has come to my attention that we will be getting the breadsticks after all. 1.3452 0.07284 84 64 11 9
1499 Something tells me she's probably not coming back this time... 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1500 So, Helen dropped off the divorce papers... 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1501 I got your message, but I haven't had a chance to read it. 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1502 ... and where would I find this "policy rider"? 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1503 They keep saying it's a tax cut for the middle class, I don't know though. 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1504 I'd like to report a point too well taken. 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1505 "No, I'm pretty sure it won't be amicable". 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1506 The termination clause in that contract was brutal. 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1507 Washington Post? Thanks for running that article about my affair. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1508 This time I think she's serious about the divorce. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1509 I think we can view this as a hostile takeover. 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1510 Let's just say I won't forget the grocery list again. 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1511 It seems the figurative implications of my divorce have just become literal. 1.3452 0.05987 84 58 23 3
1512 Hold on a sec. I know I stuck it somewhere. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1513 Speaking as a Lutheran... 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1514 I got some feedback on the prenuptial proposal. 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1515 Would I prefer a high-speed internet service provider for all my data, e-mail, and messaging needs? You betcha. 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1516 It seems they didn't think much of our initial offer. 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1517 I've just learned that my wife's divorce attorney is a Lutheran 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1518 I believe it's a list of grievances. 1.3452 0.05987 84 58 23 3
1519 I'm not sure, but I think that I AM the message. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1520 I'd like to get a quote on a term life policy. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1521 I don’t have a problem with the contract per se. I have a problem with the backstabbing. 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1522 This is what happens when you divorce a Lutheran. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1523 He had a medium frame, spoke fluent German, and was wearing a cassock. 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1524 It will have to wait. I've been stuck with a new assignment. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1525 i think she took the pre-nup pretty well. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
1526 No, dear, I haven't seen your "to do" list. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1527 I'm pretty sure it's for good this time... 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1528 Yes, I know, divorce can be painful; but this is different. 1.3452 0.05987 84 58 23 3
1529 Prenup rejected. . . . 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1530 Hello Dear. Now, once again, where did you put those divorce papers? 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
1531 Hello....I thought I had signed up for e-statements. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
1532 She's gone but I still feel the pain. 1.3441 0.06209 93 67 20 6
1533 All she said was, she was sick and tired of my indulgences. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1534 Your thank you note was deeply touching and heartfelt. 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1535 In retrospect, letting him just issue angry tweets to express his displeasure had its merits. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1536 Yes, I am sure she's serious about making the divorce stick this time 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1537 Was it really necessary to go behind my back with this? 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1538 No, the back-stabbing bitch isn't here. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1539 I don’t see your argument, but I get your point. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1540 Next time, could you just send a text? 1.3415 0.05547 82 55 26 1
1541 Yeah, I was just served a very pointed set of divorce papers. I’m looking for a lawyer who will have my back on this. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1542 Yes, you made your point and I think it finally stuck. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1543 Police, I’d like to report a drive by republican. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1544 Well, I’ve been through the contract and there’s a major sticking point I’d like removed. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1545 I don't see your point. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1546 Well, I've looked in all the obvious places, but I can't see it. You sure you left a list? 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1547 Doesn't hurt. Fake news. Sad. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1548 Looks like my divorce will be messy. 1.3415 0.06066 82 57 22 3
1549 He said something about ninety five thesis. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1550 Her response to the suggestion of a pre-nup went as expected. 1.3415 0.07407 82 63 10 9
1551 I would like to cancel my subscription. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1552 Can we at least talk through some of your 95 reasons for reforming our marriage? 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1553 The tag on this new shirt is killing me. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1554 No, I can't really read what it says! 1.3415 0.06066 82 57 22 3
1555 I take it your response is final? 1.3415 0.06066 82 57 22 3
1556 I would like to convert to the digital subscription please. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1557 No, I don't really know why she left - the note is a bit hard to read. 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1558 Hang on; my wife’s trying to get my attention. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1559 This time I think she means it. 1.3415 0.06066 82 57 22 3
1560 THEY STUCK IT TO ME WITH THE LATE FEES. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1561 I literally can't see your reasoning. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1562 House Republicans? It's the middle class. Just wanted to let you know I got the tax reform bill. Thanks! 1.3415 0.07803 82 65 6 11
1563 Yes, I recall when you said you had my back. I should have told you to forget it. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1564 I had to kill the messenger. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1565 Martha just gave me a list of the things I do that annoy her. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1566 I hear her divorce lawyer is a Lutheran. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1567 I have yet to read them but the divorce papers have arrived. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1568 I think you took the expression a bit too literally. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1569 I really don't see your point. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1570 Yeah, my wife sent over our divorce papers this morning. 1.3415 0.06066 82 57 22 3
1571 Tell my lawyer that I think my wife just served me with papers. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1572 I can't find the divorce papers you left. 1.3415 0.07607 82 64 8 10
1573 As it turned out, the only thing Larry hated more than being stuck on hold was being stuck, on hold. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1574 I got your message, but it's hard to see the point. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1575 On a positive note, my sciatica is cured. 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1576 Wait...seriously? You can't get me in until next month? 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1577 My wife refuses to go paperless. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1578 ...but what hurt the most is when she served me with the divorce papers. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1579 My wife stabbing me in the back wasn't the worst part - she attached a shopping list. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1580 If your letter was an attempt to stab me in the heart, you missed. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1581 Nice touch, Blanch. It's bad enough that you left me and ran off with the circus, but to have your new boyfriend the knife thrower deliver the "Dear John" letter is so "you". 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1582 Next time, just leave voicemail. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1583 When she told me she was going to stick me with the mortgage payments, she wasn't kidding! 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1584 Well, she wants a divorce. She was very clear on that. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1585 Mildred knows about us. 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1586 out of nowhere...she's filing for divorce! 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1587 Honey, my lawyer says it still needs your signature. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1588 Your mother won't be joining us for lunch. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1589 You know Sweetie, there is a bulletin board in the kitchen? 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1590 Yes, I did get your message. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1591 Hello GOP. Yes, I just got your Republican tax break bill notice from the mailman...interesting delivery method you picked for us in the middle class, good joke, point well made. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1592 I think the IRS is starting to crack down on back taxes. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1593 Upset? I'd notice if she's upset. 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1594 Hi, front desk? This is Room 127, I'd like to switch to paperless billing. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1595 Some murder mystery writers do not deal well with rejection. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1596 I have the feeling somebody is trying to tell me something. 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1597 She claims I was always turning my back to her and missed her messages. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1598 Yes, I just received your final offer. Frankly, I feel like I've been stabbed in the back. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1599 Does this mean we're not settling? 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1600 Okay. You nailed it. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1601 I'm guessing it's the work of some back stabbing lawyer. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
1602 At least she waited until halftime. 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
1603 I think someone put a contract out in me. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1604 All in all, slightly less excruciating than Twitter 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1605 Sorry Dear! What list? 1.3415 0.06309 82 58 20 4
1606 Some Republicans thought I was the President! 1.3415 0.07201 82 62 12 8
1607 Sure I'll hold, but it hurts. 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1608 I received your last bill and it is literally killing me... 1.3412 0.07209 85 65 11 9
1609 Yes....that's right.. divorce papers. And I think she's serious this time! 1.3412 0.06600 85 62 17 6
1610 No, I'm not going to bend over backwards to read the fine print. 1.3412 0.06385 85 61 19 5
1611 The rumors are correct. It is a hostile takeover. 1.3412 0.06385 85 61 19 5
1612 No, I haven't read it yet. 1.3412 0.06809 85 63 15 7
1613 I give up, honey. Where is it? 1.3412 0.07012 85 64 13 8
1614 She's out right now but left me a note! 1.3412 0.06600 85 62 17 6
1615 Hello, I need to report a murder. Yes, I have all the forms filled out! 1.3373 0.06916 83 62 14 7
1616 Honey, have you gotten back to me on that "to-do" list? 1.3373 0.06916 83 62 14 7
1617 It's not what you did, it's what you said that hurt. 1.3373 0.06477 83 60 18 5
1618 I’m willing to negoiate. 1.3373 0.06477 83 60 18 5
1619 I'd love to grab a beer, but I have this Honey-Do list that feels pretty urgent. 1.3373 0.06700 83 61 16 6
1620 Yes Dear, I got the divorce papers 1.3373 0.06916 83 62 14 7
1621 You could have told me to my face 1.3373 0.06916 83 62 14 7
1622 It's not so much the pink slip, it's the fact he's such a drama queen 1.3373 0.06916 83 62 14 7
1623 Something you wrote really sticks with me. 1.3373 0.05757 83 57 24 2
1624 Honey...Yes I got your email, but I’m having a problem with the attachment. 1.3373 0.06246 83 59 20 4
1625 It's not like her to leave without telling me. 1.3373 0.06700 83 61 16 6
1626 That's it. I'm not representing any more Young Adult authors. 1.3373 0.06700 83 61 16 6
1627 Yes, but she’s not in a mood to talk. 1.3372 0.06741 86 64 15 7
1628 Take the kids to your mother's....I have a contract on me. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1629 Can you please tell someone at the theology department that I've found a 96th thesis? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1630 From the opening handshake to the parting slap on the back I found him to be an honest to God deal maker! 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1631 Is it legal for my wife to serve me the divorce papers personally? 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1632 I'm not sure what her note says, but I don't think she's coming back. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1633 Yes, she definitely has some issues. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1634 Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but it's that !#%?ing small print that kills me! 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1635 Oh yes, Gladys. But may I suggest that going through your divorce lawyer would have been a more adult way of doing it. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1636 I think there are some parts of the divorce settlement she is objecting to. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1637 No, Marsha, I didn't see your note. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1638 Yes dear. I got your 'to-do' list. It's just hard to read in mirror. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1639 The board decided to give me my severance papers today 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1640 You wouldn’t think a Luther 500 celebration would get so out of hand. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1641 Listen, about that urgent message you sent me... 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1642 Can I take that as a maybe? 1.3333 0.06086 81 57 21 3
1643 So, Martin, Luther finally came by and turned in his thesis 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1644 Yes, Mr. Corleone, I did receive your to-do list. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1645 Sorry honey, I can't seem to find the shopping list. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1646 I think it's going to be a hostile takeover. 1.3333 0.07244 81 62 11 8
1647 I can’t tell, are you going to publish my story or not? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1648 Oh, she signed them all right. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1649 Honey, I found the “To Do” list! 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1650 Trust me, he'll stab you in the back the first chance he gets. 1.3333 0.07244 81 62 11 8
1651 Yeah Doc, I have a whole list of back pains. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1652 Yes, dear. I found the want ads right where you left them. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1653 We were playing Martin Luther and the 95 theses. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1654 hold on...I appear to be getting an urgent message. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1655 Even worse, she hired a Lutheran lawyer and he still has about 92 pages to deliver yet. 1.3333 0.06845 84 63 14 7
1656 May I please speak with my attorney, I believe I've just been served divorce papers. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1657 You win. I will subscribe to the Sunday Times. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1658 I'm pretty sure they're divorce papers. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1659 Can you make it quick? I'm in rehearsals for the Divorce-Attorney Association's production of Julius Caesar. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1660 I got my wife to sign the divorce papers. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1661 Listen...I can't speak to the millions of crank calls you say you've received about this but I actually HAVE been stabbed in the back by the Republican tax bill and I need professional help immediately! 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1662 The firing was a surprise, but I got a great reference. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1663 The details aren't important. 1.3333 0.05948 84 59 22 3
1664 If you've got something to say, at least have the guts to stab it to my face. 1.3333 0.07244 81 62 11 8
1665 You could have just emailed the divorce papers. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1666 Are you sure this is not covered under my health plan? 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1667 Yes, my wife just served the papers... 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1668 I'd like to complain about your back bill posting policy. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1669 As you suggested, doctor, we exchanged our respective lists of marital grievances. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1670 Where did you leave the 'honey-do' list? 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1671 Yeah, Doc, I've had this nagging pain ever since my wife served me with divorce papers 1.3333 0.05556 81 55 25 1
1672 I paid last month’s cable bill on time but got stuck with a penalty for being late. I’m wondering if you could remove it. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1673 The divorce papers? Yes, I just received them. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1674 I told you that I cannot "state" my emergency. Someone will have to read it to me. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1675 I was just standing in a church doorway... 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1676 I have this stabbing pain in my back, and I couldn't find it on WebMD so I called you, doctor. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1677 Et tu, Barbara? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1678 No, I am not calling 911 to report that I was betrayed. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1679 Hello, is this the Lutheran church? I'd like to file a complaint against one of your ministers. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1680 Thank you for leaving the reminder note about our anniversary. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1681 No, she's not home, and quite frankly, I don't expect her to return. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1682 Yes, Mom. It appears we're getting divorced. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1683 I thought there was a 5 day grace period? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1684 ...so then I said, ‘We communicate just fine!’ 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1685 Well, she was always a devout Protestant. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1686 I don't want to pick a quarrel but you chose a very rude courier service. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1687 Honey, you said the electricity bill was under the knife, but I can't find either of them. 1.3333 0.07244 81 62 11 8
1688 The negotiations? Oh, fine. You know, some minor points, but nothing I can't handle. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1689 "911, What's your emergency? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1690 I think she wants a divorce. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1691 Your mother's letter arrived. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1692 Yes, Vinnie, I have the contract right here. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1693 It appears that I have been served. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1694 I'm not questioning that you served me, it's the method I object to. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1695 She called it a ' Honey Die" list. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1696 I've reformed. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1697 Next time, could you just email me? 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1698 B-R-U-T-U-S !! 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1699 Mary always uses my own words to stab me in the back. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1700 Working for Trump is tremendous! Fantastic!! Amazing!!! 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1701 Trust me: it's still better than being on social media. 1.3333 0.06086 81 57 21 3
1702 I’m telling you, it’s not fake news 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1703 Apparently, someone else wanted to take a stab at my work. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1704 Hi, I'm responding to the message you left earlier. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1705 My wife is killing me with her "to do" lists. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1706 Yes, I got the divorce papers. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1707 I got the message. 1.3333 0.07244 81 62 11 8
1708 I still haven’t seen the terms and conditions. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1709 I did, but apparently the average tip is 20% now... 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1710 Yes... Mr Kushner stopped by and said he's got my back in tomorrow's Senate hearing. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
1711 I'm calling about the "Early Contract Cancellation Penalties"? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1712 I finally got hold of his tax return. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1713 I sense you want a divorce. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1714 Honey, can you tell me again where you put the grocery list? 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1715 The new guaranteed message service is working but it is a bloody nuisance. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
1716 I have no idea where the contract is. I bet those backstabbers in the office are hiding it from me on purpose. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1717 Hi, just received a demand from the White House to drop the investigation. 1.3293 0.06270 82 59 19 4
1718 So I take it you won’t be renewing your lease. 1.3293 0.06953 82 62 13 7
1719 Trump delivered his message and this time it wasn't a Tweet. 1.3293 0.06953 82 62 13 7
1720 ...yes, well when they knocked on the door I suspected they were Jehovah's Witnesses. Turns out they were Lutheran after all. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1721 I've been served with my walking papers. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1722 Honey, I have no idea where you put the grocery list. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1723 Hello Congressman. I'm calling about your latest tax plan. 1.3291 0.07367 79 61 10 8
1724 Hi -- say, I've received my renewal notice from Healthcare.gov and I have a few questions. 1.3291 0.07584 79 62 8 9
1725 Um, Yes, Comcast? I'm ready to go paperless now. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1726 It still feels like you stabbed me in the back. 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
1727 Honey, where did you put those divorce papers? 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1728 I am telling you, I did not have a face to face meeting with the Russians. 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
1729 I just received your final notice. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1730 Doctor, I just got my divorce papers but I need your help in retrieving them. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1731 I received the divorce papers. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1732 The divorce will be finalized once I get around to signing the papers. 1.3291 0.05899 79 55 22 2
1733 I'm calling about the subpoena that was served on me today. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1734 I just told her, "I am sick and tired of seeing your "to do" list everywhere I go!" 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
1735 Yes, I did receive a copy of the proposed contract but I have not yet had a chance to read it. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1736 Yeah, I finally nailed the back story on POTUS. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1737 Couldn't you have made your point in an email? 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1738 Yes dear, I know you've listed 95 problems with our marriage...but this last move seems a bit extreme. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1739 911? Yes, I'll hold. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1740 'Where did you put the shopping list?" 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1741 I have a bad feeling it's Trump's new tax plan. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1742 Just got the divorce papers. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1743 No, she didn't send a messenger, she delivered the divorce papers in person! 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1744 Mugged, yes. By lawyers. I believe it was a pack of lawyers. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1745 Yes, my wife finally gave me the divorce papers to sign. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1746 You're not hearing me, Fred...I'm pretty sure she won't agree to the changes. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1747 Could you come over and read her note to me? 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1748 She didn't respond that well to my asking for a pre-nup. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1749 I calling to let you know I received the new Republican Tax plan and I wanted to express my distaste for it. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1750 Actually, I wanted the no-fault, no-pain divorce. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1751 Hold on. I think Lois just let me know if I can go to Vegas with you, next weekend. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1752 The papers were served but I haven't had a chance to read them yet. 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
1753 Yes, Dear. I won’t forget to pick up the items on your grocery list. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1754 I think I just got a very pointed text message. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1755 Yes, I have my cellphone contract, but it is difficult to read, given where you put it. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1756 Yes, your lawyer served the divorce papers. She is rather hostile. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1757 At least they didn't throw me under the bus. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1758 All I heard was, 'Hear ye, hear ye' - then he ran away. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1759 Yes, I WOULD be interested in your 'Life Alert'! 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1760 I've been served. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1761 My wife just filed for divorce. Could you send an ambulance? 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1762 Yes, I'm sure I was served with divorce papers. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1763 No. Just ask him whether, hypothetically speaking, a subpoena delivered via dagger in a dark alley is a lawful means of service. 1.3291 0.07367 79 61 10 8
1764 Yes, I agree, Chapeldoor is an unusual last name--ironic even, yes. Now, about that ambulance... 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1765 I'd say this 500 year commemoration of Martin Luther has gotten out of hand. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1766 Uhm, yes. She gave me the divorce papers, but I haven’t been able to sign them yet. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1767 Honey, where did you put the letter opener? 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1768 Kevlar T-shirt company? I'd like to file a complaint. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1769 Remember Bob, our classmate with the "kick me" signs? He's a mob lawyer now. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1770 911 ? My emergency ? This subpoena is killing me. 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
1771 Please tell Mr. Steinman that my wife would like to make some changes to the divorce offer 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1772 Hello, Martin Luther? I think you have the wrong house. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1773 I was standing in front of Wittenberg Castle Church and this monk stabs me in the back with 95 Theses.... in Latin, no less.... 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1774 Hi, I just wanted to verify, a divorce agreement with blood stains is valid? 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1775 No, I still haven't seen your list of grievances. 1.3291 0.05617 79 54 24 1
1776 I just got served with the divorce papers. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1777 Bringing up the prenup didn't go as badly as I thought it might. 1.3291 0.07367 79 61 10 8
1778 I'm not sure. My unsigned divorce papers I'd guess. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1779 I got the divorce papers today... 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1780 She says that it's all explained in the note. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1781 My wife turned out to be a real backstabber in this divorce. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1782 Yes, I got the message, but I can't read it. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1783 So, is this what you meant about tax cuts to the middle class? 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1784 Look, Doris, I've looked everywhere for those divorce papers you dropped off, but... 1.3250 0.06602 80 59 16 5
1785 Yes, 95 theses, but it's the one knife that I'm worried about. 1.3250 0.07286 80 62 10 8
1786 "Hello Sid, I think I've been subpoenaed by my ex-wife". 1.3250 0.06358 80 58 18 4
1787 Yes, I got your message. 1.3250 0.06104 80 57 20 3
1788 I'll need a mirror, but I'm pretty sure the divorce papers are now signed. 1.3250 0.06602 80 59 16 5
1789 Yeah, she left me but didn't take the good knife set. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1790 No, they did not actually say they were rejecting my book. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1791 That's right, officer. He said his name was Luther, then something about 95 theses and didn't have time to find a church door and had a plane to catch and would I mind? Can you send someone over right away? My back is killing me. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1792 Please tell your lawyer that I got his subpoena. 1.3247 0.07496 77 60 9 8
1793 No, I was expecting a poison pen letter. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1794 The writing's a bit pedestrian, but the surprise ending was quite effective 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1795 Ya, my fiancée didn’t like the idea of a prenup. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1796 I thought you said the divorce was going to be amicable. 1.3247 0.05974 77 54 21 2
1797 Didn't hear you leave this morning. I'm fine, dear. What's up? 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1798 Yes, I understand that you are leaving me because you feel I'm dead inside, and no I have not seen any damn note! 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1799 I'm guessing they're divorce papers, but it's difficult to tell. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1800 Divorce papers? How could I miss them? 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1801 My ex just sent me another letter. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1802 I couldn't find your note. Where did you leave it? 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1803 I can't see you tonight. My back is hurting too much. Oh, and my wife found the letter you sent. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1804 There's a sticking point in the Sanity Clause. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1805 I’d like to report an assault with the English language. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1806 Hello Amazon? I have some feedback on your new newspaper delivery system.. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1807 Yes doctor, I would describe it as a stabbing pain in my upper back. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1808 Hold on, my wife has something to add. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1809 Can I call you back? My wife just served me with divorce papers. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1810 The gas company has gotten a lot more aggressive about their shut-off notices. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1811 You forgot to tip the mailman. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1812 ...yes, I believe his name is Marin Luther... 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1813 I won't be in today, I've become painfully aware of some domestic needs I need to attend to. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1814 Next time, just fax it. 1.3247 0.05974 77 54 21 2
1815 She dropped off the divorce papers today. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1816 I told you, I can't read it! It's not like it's been nailed to my door! 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1817 Yes I did get the divorce papers. The whole process has been very painful for me. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1818 I got your message. You get right to the point, don't you? 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1819 Nope, she just stormed out without saying a word. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1820 A survey? Sure, I have time. Go ahead. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1821 I haven't even read the thing yet and already I'm wounded. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1822 Oh, I got the point. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1823 I have a feeling that it's not good news. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1824 She wants a divorce, I didn't see it coming. Yeah its pretty painful. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1825 No, I'm pretty sure it won't be amicable. She's already served notice. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1826 Does our plan cover marriage counseling? 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1827 I don't believe it's her "honey-do" list. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1828 I haven't read it yet, but it just feels like an emergency. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1829 I'd call it more than 'hen-pecked'. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1830 Honey, I think it's time we paid the Chiropractor 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1831 Hi, I'd like to get caught up on my rent. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1832 I've kind of gotten painfully attached to the manuscript. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1833 Yes, dear, you’ve made your point about counseling. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1834 Where exactly did you say you put it? 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1835 I can't talk right now; I' ve got the law on my back! 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1836 Charlotte.... when you said you'd stick it to me, you hurt me deeply. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1837 His name is Martin Luther. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1838 My recent submission was painfully rejected. 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1839 I thought it was a Honey Do list but I'm thinking she had something else in mind. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1840 Yes, I’ve been served. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1841 Sorry Bob, the wife's To Do list trumps golf today. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1842 I'm pretty sure my son Martin will not be attending the Catechism class. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1843 I think they are a little disappointed in my performance this year. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1844 Hi Mark I think my Sharon just served me those divorce papers. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1845 Well, the good news is I got a lot off my chest. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1846 I can really feel the thrust of your argument. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1847 Yes, she just served me with divorce papers. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1848 These assembly instructions are not user-friendly. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1849 Yes my wife has seen this morning’s Washington Post. 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
1850 I object to the way she served the divorce papers! 1.3210 0.06989 81 62 12 7
1851 You're in luck. I think Dad wants to change his will. 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
1852 It's a killer script. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1853 Can you define "Pre - Existing" condition? 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1854 Despite the obvious, I don't see a point to your manifesto. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1855 There's a message for you, but I can't read it. 1.3200 0.06051 75 53 20 2
1856 You know hurts most? The legalese. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1857 They left a ransom note, but I haven't read it yet. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1858 Yes, I just received the divorce papers. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1859 I'm telling you, no matter what it says, it was not suicide. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1860 You said you had my back! 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1861 I got the point of your message but couldn't you just email it? 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1862 No, I can't stay on hold. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1863 No, I can't read them, but I'm pretty sure they're divorce papers. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1864 Can I call you back? My daughter just presented me with a dissenting opinion. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1865 I don't know, Senator, I guess I just assumed that stabbing me in the back with taxes was a figure of speech... 1.3200 0.07391 75 58 10 7
1866 Sorry I can't make it, I'm stuck with a huge "honey do" list. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1867 No, honey, I haven't read your note yet, but I sense you are still cross with me. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1868 I get the point of the contract, I just don't like how it was delivered. 1.3200 0.07391 75 58 10 7
1869 “No, it’s a metaphor. A simile would use ‘like’ or ‘as’. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1870 I got the point but I don't see it. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1871 I just got the divorce papers and, in fairness, she once said she'd always have my back. 1.3200 0.07391 75 58 10 7
1872 My wife just filed the divorce papers. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1873 No, Brutus just left. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1874 Yeah, well as soon as I get to a mirror I'll tell you what the charges are. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1875 No, she didn't like my suggestions. 1.3200 0.06051 75 53 20 2
1876 I’d like to order a bulletin board please 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1877 Let me cut to the chase. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1878 Yes officer, I agree that it was probably a contract killer, but why include the contract? 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1879 Jenna, a simple “no” to not wanting to see me ever again would have been a better option. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1880 So should I pick up some milk, too? 1.3200 0.07391 75 58 10 7
1881 No doctor, I didn’t receive the bill, but the backpain is still there. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1882 Hi honey, I can’t seem to find your “to do” list. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1883 I think Post it notes was a better idea 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1884 Hello...Mr. Luther...so when was your most recent eye exam? 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1885 Yes, Officer, I was just standing in front of the Wittenberg Castle church when... 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1886 She signed it. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1887 Yes, she signed the papers. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1888 Yes, the memo arrived, hand delivered. There is, however, a sticking point... 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1889 I hear they stuck a knife in the middle class tax cut. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1890 I just got served. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1891 No, I can’t get you my order number right now. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1892 You know that back story you've been wanting me to find? It just hit me. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1893 Glad you noticed. I'll change it from back to front. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
1894 "Hi, I'd like to re-schedule my marriage counseling appointment"! 1.3200 0.06051 75 53 20 2
1895 No thank you, I'm already stuck to my cable contract for the year. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1896 I would like to order a bulletin board and a box of thumbtacks for my wife. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1897 911? I need some help reading my wife’s alimony demands. 1.3158 0.07305 76 59 10 7
1898 In this case, the Constitution doesn't protect me. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1899 Sorry Dear, but can you do the shopping this week? I can’t find the list and my back is killing me! 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1900 Sweetie, it appears you have forgotten to sign the prenup. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1901 A Post-it Note would have sufficed. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1902 Yes, I did ask you to sharpen your delivery. 1.3158 0.06272 76 55 18 3
1903 I decided not to insist on the prenup. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1904 Honey, where did you say you left my list of chores? 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1905 Yes...I think I’m finally persuaded to become a contributing circle member. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1906 Luther in Sales said he'd take a stab at it 1.3158 0.05685 76 53 22 1
1907 You might say it arrived by Fed-up Ex. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1908 Yes, I suggested he put his ideas down on paper..... 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1909 I don't know why she's so angry. She left a long letter but I can't read it. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1910 I'd like to file a complaint about your process server. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1911 She hit me with divorce papers. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1912 But honey, you usually leave the list on the kitchen counter. 1.3158 0.06272 76 55 18 3
1913 Flo just filed the divorce papers. I know, I know. I didn't see it coming, either. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1914 Hello, this is the president of the co-op board; maybe we should reconsider that application. 1.3158 0.06272 76 55 18 3
1915 My wife left me a note to call the doctor about stabbing pain that I've been experiencing. 1.3158 0.06808 76 57 14 5
1916 My wife says your early cancellation penalty is too severe. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1917 And now I can't even read the damn 'to-do' list, so joke's on her! 1.3158 0.07542 76 60 8 8
1918 Honey, where exactly did you pin up the to do list. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1919 I think it was Martin Luther. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1920 Tell me again what we need at the store? 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1921 I'm pretty sure he's not a real chiropractor 1.3158 0.06272 76 55 18 3
1922 My fiancée didn't like the Prenup ... 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1923 Yes dear, your subpoena was served.. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1924 I'd like to report a betrayal. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1925 These new plans you’re sticking me with, they’re killing me. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1926 My backstabbing former partner is suing me. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1927 Frankly Francine, I preferred the singing telegram. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1928 She left a note. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1929 Yes, stop my service. A local cell provider has made me an offer I can't refuse. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1930 Divorce papers? What divorce papers? 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1931 Let me take a stab at it...you want a divorce.... 1.3151 0.06130 73 52 19 2
1932 You stab me in the back with a ransom note hand written in cursive and then you have the audacity to call me on my land line. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1933 Yes, I will not forget to go to the market today. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1934 Take Trump at his word when he says, "I'll stick it to you!" 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1935 I sense our divorce discussions have entered a new phase. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1936 . . Well, I was standing near the front of the church, and this guy comes up dressed like Martin Luther, . . . . 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1937 I'd be happy to take a message for you. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1938 Does the company insurance policy cover backstabbing? 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1939 In fact, no, I can't read it to you right now. 1.3151 0.07773 73 58 7 8
1940 Yes dear, I found the divorce papers. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1941 It's more of a stabbing pain that gets worse around quarterly review time. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1942 I'm calling to let you know I received your message ... 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1943 I got their counter offer. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1944 No, I can't read it, but I'm pretty sure it's a list of the ninety-five reasons she wants a divorce. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1945 Honey, any quibbles with the prenup? 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1946 She presented her objections Luther style. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1947 I have a feeling Marsha isn't going to sign the divorce papers. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1948 I'm telling you! She left without saying a word. Not even a note. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1949 Larry, my wife just served me with divorce papers. What’s next? 1.3151 0.06130 73 52 19 2
1950 Yes dear, I finally feel your pain. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1951 I'll call you back. Need to take care of a little paper cut. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1952 What kind of knife wounds does my policy cover? 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1953 Really, Marge? 'THESES?' Can't you just serve divorce papers like other wives? 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1954 To be honest Bill, I can't really recommend the "Immersive Julius Caesar" 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1955 No, I haven't read your script yet. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1956 Believe me, there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1957 Yes, I received your counter-offer! 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1958 You’re killing me with all this paper work. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1959 Yes, I am "assuming" it's divorce papers--I can't see it, but... 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1960 My guess is he's a Roman, a Lutheran, or a mugger. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1961 Yes Dear, I have your note. 1.3151 0.06130 73 52 19 2
1962 Well, I’m having a few stabbing pains but I think theyll subside once the contract is signed. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1963 Well, of course it hurts. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1964 Yes, I received the new Terms and Conditions 1.3151 0.06130 73 52 19 2
1965 I just can't read your note. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1966 I was just informed that my wife filed for divorce. 1.3151 0.07524 73 57 9 7
1967 Someone unfriended me! 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1968 So, are we still on for tonight? 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1969 I didn't get a good look, but I'm pretty sure he was a Lutheran. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1970 I just have a feeling this isn't the tax relief Trump promised. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1971 Yes operator, we were playing charades. Where? In the library with the knife. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1972 Subpoena? ... I didn't get any subpoena. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1973 Hold on, I just got your message. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1974 I'm gonna be a little late. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1975 Hello, front desk? - I've got a complaint about my bill... 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1976 I didn't understand the contract, so my wife took a stab at it. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1977 Congress just passed tax reform. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
1978 Ok, Martha, you can have the still life. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1979 I was hoping that your rejection notice would be a little less pointed. 1.3151 0.05812 73 51 21 1
1980 I don't know where she is. She just left me a note. 1.3151 0.06130 73 52 19 2
1981 911?, help! I was just received the Republicans tax reform bill! 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1982 Actually, it's more like 106 theses; and, no, she didn't nail them to the front door. 1.3117 0.06981 77 59 12 6
1983 And where did you leave the note? 1.3117 0.06981 77 59 12 6
1984 Honey, I have a feeling there's something you want to tell me, 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
1985 I can't understand why you didn't get the payment. My wife figured out a surefire way to remind me to send our bills in on time. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1986 I wasn't being literal. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1987 She said it was important. 1.3117 0.05921 77 55 20 2
1988 Can't you just do it on social media like everyone else, Myrtle? 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
1989 Wait, what exactly did you mean by 'early termination fee'? 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
1990 The good news first honey. It finally appears my divorce is being granted. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1991 Can't go out tonight, Larry. My wife is dead serious about this "honey-do" list. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1992 Where's the shopping list? 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
1993 This isn't the type of pointed feedback I expected 1.3117 0.05921 77 55 20 2
1994 "Hi Fiona, I've just got your letter". 1.3117 0.06981 77 59 12 6
1995 Frankly, you're killing me here with your onerous terms. 1.3117 0.06981 77 59 12 6
1996 I understand you're a little upset, but what's for dinner? 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
1997 Do process servers have any restrictions? 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1998 Yes, I'll renew my subscription. 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
1999 Me too....but i just can't put my finger on it. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
2000 Yeah 911, I’ll be needing an ambulance, but is it possible to stop by my lawyer’s office on the way to the hospital? 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
2001 You misunderstood. I said I'd like to change my delivery option to email not chain mail. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
2002 I just can't face the divorce papers she served me with! 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
2003 I have a strong feeling that she wants a divorce. 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
2004 No, I still don't see your point. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
2005 Yes Dear, I have tho ToDo list right here 1.3117 0.06981 77 59 12 6
2006 Well, that's the problem, I have to take out the knife to get the account number. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2007 Sorry honey, I can't find your "to do" list. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2008 Why do you always put my ‘honey-do’ list where I can’t find it? 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2009 YES DEAR I WAS FIRED- SOME BACK STABBERS AT THE OFFICE. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2010 I guess she really isn't happy 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2011 It wasn't suicide, no matter what my wife tells you 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2012 I'm quite sure she already signed... 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2013 That's Luther, L-U-T-H-E-R 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2014 Yeah, I just got served. So you really want a divorce? Like, for real? 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2015 Hello, Wittenberg Cathedral? 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2016 She finally signed the divorce papers, but it doesn't look like I will get to keep the house. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2017 For the last time, Margaret, you did not give me a shopping list before you left for work. And I’m getting pretty tired of you saying I don’t listen when you’re talking to me. 1.3108 0.07434 74 58 9 7
2018 I really think she means it this time! 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2019 Yes, apparently, I forgot to schedule her follow-up anger management session. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2020 Hello? The new tax plan seems to have stabbed me in the back. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2021 He said his name was Luther 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2022 No, honey, I didn’t find your shopping list 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2023 I no longer expect an amicable divorce. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
2024 Next time just tie a string around my finger. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2025 Honey, where's that shopping list you were on my back about? 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2026 You do know you can mail divorce papers, right? 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2027 Yes, they left a note. That's the problem. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2028 I'd say it's more of a stabbing pain. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2029 What list? 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2030 Hello 911? I've been attacked by Lutherans 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2031 Probably would have been better to leave my messages on the machine. 1.3108 0.06062 74 53 19 2
2032 Okay, I’m sorry I didn’t read your email. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
2033 I have no idea. I didn't see it coming, and she didn't even leave a note. 1.3108 0.06062 74 53 19 2
2034 What message? 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2035 Yes, I got your note. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2036 I just received my final notice so I need to speak to someone in your medical department. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2037 I'd like to discuss my bill. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2038 I just left the White House and my backs been aching ever since. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2039 I'm going to have to disagree with these terms and conditions. 1.3108 0.06062 74 53 19 2
2040 As a matter of fact, they were quite pointed with their concerns about our offer... 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2041 I take it, you didn't care for the pre nup? 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2042 Yes, I have a complaint about the new paperboy. No, no, his aim is excellent; that's not the problem. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2043 She served me the divorce papers today. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
2044 I don't think he liked the changes. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
2045 My wife says that I am in fact covered for stabbing back pain. 1.3108 0.07434 74 58 9 7
2046 Yes I received the divorce papers today dear. 1.3108 0.07916 74 60 5 9
2047 It's just not my day. First, the 'Dear John' letter. Then she stabs me in the back. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2048 Mr. Mueller, I got the written confession from them that you wanted but not exactly as I expected. You may want to come see this. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2049 OK, but Martin Luther posted them to the door. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2050 Hi sweety..... yup, yup.... my wife did finally sign the divorce papers......but there's a small glitch. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
2051 Please take me off the distribution list. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
2052 I’ve got the divorce papers behind me 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2053 Describe it? I would definitely say its a painful reminder. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
2054 I got your message. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
2055 Yes, I got the divorce papers from her. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2056 She finally got her point across. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
2057 It’s addressed to Dear Recipient. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2058 Of course I could tell you were upset, dear, but I still don't know why. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2059 Yes, I'm positive I chose paperless billing. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2060 To be honest, Billy, when it comes to being a victim of legalese, I'm having difficulty differentiating between literal and figurative. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2061 Yes, boss, I got your note, in the usual place. Yes, of course I get the point. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2062 All right. I accept the Terms of Service. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2063 Good news. My boss is no longer a pain in the butt. 1.3099 0.07921 71 57 6 8
2064 I got your note. But I'm having some difficulty reading it. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2065 Hi babe, is there any chance we can talk about this? 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2066 I didn't get a good look, but I think he was a Lutheran. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2067 I didn't count them all,but she said it was 95 complaints. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2068 No, the pain has always been there, but this time it feels litigious 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2069 Yes, I got the point of your message. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2070 Take this kids somewhere safe...there's a contract on me 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2071 Yes, I did get your message, but I'm having difficulty reading it. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2072 Yes, Dear, I promise I won't forget to sign the divorce papers. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2073 I don’t know. When I woke up she was gone and so was my manuscript. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2074 In hindsight, biting the hand that fed you was preferable 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2075 You’ve always been a pain, but lower. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2076 I asked her for one example where I didn't listen. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2077 Reporting an attempt to kill the messenger. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2078 Honey, where did you put the grocery list? 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2079 Yes. Ms. Borden was already here to sign the contract. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2080 Yes, he wrote me back. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2081 You could have just emailed me my performance review. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2082 And I thought having a "kick me" sign on my back was the worst it could get... 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2083 I can't play today. No, it isn't my tennis elbow. 1.3099 0.05880 71 50 20 1
2084 You know, there were easier ways to tell me you want a divorce. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2085 Honey, did you leave the chores list where I can find it? 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2086 Sorry, Sam, can't make lunch today. I'm stuck at home. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2087 I need you to look at a contract. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2088 Yes, Dear. I won't forget the shopping list. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2089 Alice, settle down. What do you mean when you say you went behind my back? 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2090 I asked her to sign a pre-nup. I would say she didn't take it very well. 1.3099 0.05880 71 50 20 1
2091 I'd like to speak to your best divorce attorney, please. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2092 I can't read it, but I'm pretty sure it says she wants a divorce! 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2093 Well...I finally told my wife about us. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2094 I wouldn’t exactly call them cutting remarks. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2095 I'm tellin' ya, nurse, I'm lookin' in the mirror and all I see is a potted plant. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2096 Yes, it’s definitely a rejection letter. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2097 You're dumping me because I don't show my emotions? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2098 All I said is, “What’s wrong with indulgences,” and then Martin goes off on me. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2099 Those divorce papers I thought I'd lost...they just turned up. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2100 Remind me again...where did you put the shopping list? 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2101 Just because you didn't like the legal agreement I said you had to sign, you didn't have to become a backstabber. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2102 Yes, I did receive your demand letter and quite frankly this follow up call is a little much. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2103 She served me with divorce papers 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2104 No, honey, I didn't see the note you left while I was napping. Where did you leave it? 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2105 Good news, Honey. I just received that Whitehouse job offer in writing. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2106 Frankly, I am taking all the backstabbing at work very personally. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2107 Does this mean the wedding is off? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2108 Mom, she gave me her terms for the divorce. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2109 Well, the divorce is final, but Muriel took it a bit harder than I expected. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2110 I'm calling about your new list of demands. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2111 Honey, I said I'd be happy to pick up the groceries but you forgot to leave me the list. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2112 tell Mon Senior that the Lutherans are at it again 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2113 Yes, this is a complaint on how I received the eviction notice. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2114 What backstabbing remarks? 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2115 You cannot unilaterally revise the terms of our tontine, Gregory. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2116 Remember that list of suggestions I gave to Tom? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2117 If you wanted a divorce, you could have just asked. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2118 Why didn't you just pick up the phone? 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2119 " I don't think you understand. It's a little more serious than someone just talking behind my back.... 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2120 The magnet on the fridge would have worked just as well. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2121 'Yes, my wife just discovered my roaming charges." 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2122 I haven't a clue. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2123 Does it count as "serving a summons" if they don't put it in my hands? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2124 The stuck me with the hospital bill. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2125 So you left me and didn't even leave a note. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2126 I'll be late for dinner, the paperwork is killing me. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2127 I’m sorry,...where’s the shopping list, again? 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2128 No, Leslie doesn't live here any more. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2129 Yes, I'd like to report that my wife is missing, she left a note, but I'm going to need help reading it. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2130 She's threatening to twist it if I keep the convertible. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2131 As my divorce attorney, you should know that my wife served the papers for divorce just now! 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2132 I had a feeling you left a note, but I didn’t see it. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2133 Yes...she signed them. But the old 'take her to a fancy restaurant to avoid a scene' ploy failed miserably! 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2134 I want 2 egg rolls, fried rice and a surgeon. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2135 Barb, did you sign the prenup? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2136 She says we need to communicate better. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2137 Well no, he didn't like the return we prepared. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2138 She had some reservations about the prenup 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2139 What about telling me to my face? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2140 Duly noted. I'll put the Oxford comma back in. 1.3099 0.05880 71 50 20 1
2141 Do you remember when you said that being president of the co-op board is a thankless position? 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2142 ... and that's how she served the divorce papers... 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
2143 Thanks for calling, it never occurred to me to look there 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2144 Yes, I got your summons to appear. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2145 ..and I also don't appreciate your tone. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2146 Thought you should know I just got served by my ex. 1.3099 0.05880 71 50 20 1
2147 Got your note - mind if we chat? 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
2148 I'm calling to report a summons turned violent. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
2149 I thought our divorce was supposed to be painless. 1.3099 0.07921 71 57 6 8
2150 I've been stabbed in the back before, my friends. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
2151 Yes. She gave me the divorce papers. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
2152 You know what hurts the most? No one told me I had a prenup stuck to my back all day. 1.3077 0.06903 78 60 12 6
2153 What gave you the idea I've ignored your memos? 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
2154 Yes, my back pain is back again and I can't find my insurance papers. 1.3056 0.06748 72 54 14 4
2155 Hi, I would like to order some Post It notes for my wife, the kind with the sticky paste on the edge 1.3056 0.07568 72 57 8 7
2156 I've been subpoenaed to testify before congress. 1.3056 0.07305 72 56 10 6
2157 I know Dad. I’ve tried that. But, I still feel like I’m a target. 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2158 It seems my wife is ready for a Marital Reformation. 1.3056 0.06748 72 54 14 4
2159 Yes, I'm seriously thinking about getting out of politics. 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2160 It's like a stab in the back 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2161 I received the divorce papers from your attorney today. 1.3056 0.05814 72 51 20 1
2162 It seems I agreed to compulsory arbitration 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2163 My new job as poster boy is going well 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2164 My estranged wife, the circus knife-thrower, finally signed the divorce papers. 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2165 Yes, Mr. TRUMP, I have received your message. Same as Gov. Christie and AG Sessions. 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2166 Darling, where exactly did you put that letter from my mother? 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2167 I'd like to revise my opinion on Manuscript 5754: Idiot's Guide to Getting Published 1.3056 0.07305 72 56 10 6
2168 My wife served me with divorce papers. 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2169 My wife left me, but I don't know why. 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2170 I haven't read it, but I'm sure it's not good. 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
2171 We've just been served. 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2172 My boss sent me home with a note today. 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2173 Yes, I too feel betrayed by the news! 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
2174 Yes, I received your message. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2175 'Is it an emergency?' "I don't know, I can't read it?" 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2176 I really think I got the job this time. It felt like I nailed it. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2177 This Thanksgiving your mother has a few rules for the conversations we can have at the dinner table. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2178 Loud and clear, Bonnie. You get the ficus and the juicer. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2179 Don't ignore his emails. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2180 "What note"? 1.3043 0.07809 69 55 7 7
2181 I haven't gotten around to reading it, but she didn't bother with a process server. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2182 I'm requesting the delivery to put on my doorstep from now on. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2183 Honey, I can't find the list you left me... 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2184 Yes. I'm quite sure this is my last Will 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2185 I would say it's more like a honey die list. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2186 Hello 911? I'd like to report a Fake News attack! 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2187 Yes, I definitely got your point as I was leaving. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2188 Well, next time write it backwards, so at least I can read it in the mirror. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2189 So she gives me the divorce papers but really, how does she expect me to sign them? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2190 Okay, okay, you told me not to marry a Lutheran! 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2191 Yes, as a matter of fact, she personally delivered the property settlement papers. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2192 Her therapist is a strict Lutheran. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2193 I told him there was no way they were going to pin it on me! 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2194 The Pre-nup ? Not a good idea. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2195 Do you think I should watch my back? 1.3043 0.05950 69 49 19 1
2196 I'm overreacting?? Well, I'm sorry, but that's exactly the way these divorce papers make feel. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2197 She said that the five hundredth anniversary of Martin Luther's Reformation gave her the idea. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2198 No, I really didn't see that coming. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2199 You said to call as soon as I got the divorce papers. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2200 This is your editor returning your message. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2201 Well dear, tell your lawyer that I'm having a problem reading the fine print... 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2202 Yes they have a list of demands and Yes I think they mean business. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2203 I think I got the point 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2204 I would like to report a Coup! 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2205 My wife just delivered our divorce papers. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2206 I'm dealing with more Fake News than you can throw a knife at, really. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2207 Is it because I still depend on a land line? 1.3043 0.05950 69 49 19 1
2208 I'd like to leave a voice message for Marcus Junius Brutus please. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2209 These latest demands from her feel like a knife in the back. 1.3043 0.05950 69 49 19 1
2210 Oh, and by the way, please stop sticking your menus everywhere. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2211 I think she means it this time - she won't answer my emails. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2212 Can I call you back? Someone just left me a message. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2213 Hi, I’m calling to return all 95 of your messages 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2214 Well, she did point out that she won't miss me. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2215 I need an ambulance and a lawyer. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2216 ...and on top of everything else, she's a Lutheran now, too. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2217 Yes, I'd like to make a complaint about how I'm being served. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2218 Boy, am I ever sorry I voted for Trump! 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2219 The fake news is starting to feel real to me. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2220 Was she miffed? Yes, I think we can say "miffed" would apply. 1.3043 0.05950 69 49 19 1
2221 I'd like to speak with Martin Luther's supervisor please. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2222 I have to say that your last letter has really stuck with me. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2223 Just a pain in my back and a lost chores list. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2224 The bed in this suite is very uncomfortable. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2225 Ellen walked out on me again. This time she didn’t even leave a note. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2226 Yes, Doctor, my wife is a Lutheran. Why do you ask? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2227 No, Mom, she didn't sign the prenup. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2228 Hello, AT&T, yes, I think I'd like to change my Contract. Do you have something a little less painful? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2229 Sure, I'll give you the shirt off my back. Over my dead body. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2230 I have a complaint about the newspaper delivery person. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2231 While I'm not sure I can sign it, their lawyer did make a compelling point. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2232 I signed a couple bad contracts and now they won't get off my back! 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2233 Ok.. you made your point... 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2234 Hold on, I just received a text from my smartknife. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2235 You’re not going to stick me with another two year contract again, are you? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2236 No, I haven't seen the divorce papers yet. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2237 He was supposed to nail it to the door, right? 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2238 911? You see, I had just finished explaining the phrase stick it to me to my toddler... 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2239 They just delivered our middle income tax reform package 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2240 Yes? Hello? I'd like to complain about the newspaper delivery. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2241 I feel like there’s something I’m supposed to remember. 1.3043 0.05580 69 48 21 0
2242 That’s not the half of it; they charged me with carrying a concealed weapon. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2243 No, she didn't tell me in so many words. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2244 Honey, have you seen my last will and testament? 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2245 'My back is killing me!' is not a pre-existing condition. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2246 Take a stab at the reviews in the back. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2247 Hello, Mr Luther, this is Bob from 1517. Yes, your son Marty has been at it again. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2248 Yes, honey, I ordered more post-it's. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2249 Apparently, the 'terms and conditions' state that I can only refer to them as "the assailant". 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2250 I know you were raised as a Lutheran, but couldn't you just stuck your complaints on the door. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2251 Call me old school but a contract must cut both ways. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2252 Tell me again where you put the shopping list. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2253 I specifically told the man, "Post No Bills." 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2254 I’m finding it difficult to read the separation agreement. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2255 Hello, Mrs. Luther? Yes, I'm calling about your son Martin. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2256 I need an ambulance and a lawyer. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2257 Frankly, she didn't handle the divorce papers very well. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2258 Yes, Martin, I got your point. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2259 We weren't exactly happy, but I can't say I saw this coming. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2260 No, I’ve been extremely served. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2261 It's not the fine print that gets you. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2262 Where did you say you put the divorce papers? 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2263 Am I feeling listless? No, not exactly. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2264 Just to be clear - you have practiced pirate law before? 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2265 Next time just hand them to me. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2266 I got your letter and it really hurt. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2267 All I heard when she went out the door was “and here’s your damn pre-nup”. It felt like a stab in the back. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2268 No, I haven't actually seen the note...but I'm fairly certain she wants a divorce. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2269 Well their initial offer was acceptable... but they added an amendment I can't refuse. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2270 What do you mean this is just the first draft? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2271 Balding...German accent...accomplice called him Luther. 1.3043 0.08077 69 56 5 8
2272 No, their forms are NOT a pain in the neck. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2273 I'm not sure I'd call the divorce, "amicable". 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2274 I'm sorry, honey, I didn't see it. But I feel all of your concerns, especially the one about my not putting the toilette seat back down. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2275 Hello, Find A Mate, I want my money back. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2276 Hello Martin Luther? I think there's been a mistake. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2277 9-1-1, I've been manifestoed. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2278 I think I'm finally ready to give email a try. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2279 Your attorney just served me with divorce papers...would he happen to be Lutheran, per chance? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2280 My wife gets less and less subtle each year about what she wants for her birthday. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2281 I've looked everywhere for the shopping list. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2282 No, I asked for the MLK impersonator, not the Martin Luther impersonator. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2283 'I'm sorry but I have to cancel the movers, Iv'e been stuck with my old rental agreement for another year." 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2284 Seriously. I won't forget. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2285 The IRS is really getting tough with failure to pay on time! 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2286 Yes, I know I'm stuck with the fine print! 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2287 The Mrs. just served me with those divorce papers 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2288 The food was good, but I wasn't nuts about how they presented the check. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2289 "Yes, I got your note, I guess things haven't changed"!? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2290 Yea, I got it. Did you ever try using PostIt notes? 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2291 Saul, I'm being sued by Brutus, too. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2292 Can you call me back? 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2293 Sorry, not tonight . . . I’ve got 95 theses to read. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2294 9-1-1? "I'd like to report that some idiot thinks backstabbing is covered by the 2nd Amendment. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2295 Next time email will be just fine. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2296 I got your first note. Should I expect any follow-up? 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2297 I vaguely recall you mentioning a list while I was watching the game. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2298 A simple pink slip would have been sufficient. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2299 Yes, I want a divorce too, but how do you expect me to sign the damn thing. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2300 I think she really means it this time. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2301 It's actually quite refreshing considering all of the front stabbers we've had this year. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2302 I'm beginning to think she was serious about the divorce. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2303 She left a note. It feels like a stab in the back. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2304 Et tu, Doris. You couldn't just leave an ordinary Dear John letter, like anyone else, could you? 1.3043 0.07809 69 55 7 7
2305 He said something about being related to Martin Luther. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2306 The insurance company said they would be on my side, not on my back. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2307 Yes, I am a middle class taxpayer. 1.3043 0.07809 69 55 7 7
2308 The hospital said I would experience some back pain when bill came. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2309 I sorry Mr. President I can't sign this well-worded resignation but it's definitely not because I don't want to. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2310 I am calling to report attempted reformation. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2311 Your aggressive advertising for the Caesar salad has me intrigued. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2312 She wants a divorce. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
2313 My God Doctor, my wife's Lasik surgery has failed. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2314 Yes Doctor... My wife has her Martin Luther delusion back. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2315 Well no, I haven’t read it yet, but it SEEMS like an emergency ... 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2316 I have a few problems with your chapter about our marriage. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2317 No, I didn't get your message. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2318 Yes, I get the point. The check is in the mail. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2319 9-1-1, my name is William. Can you please send someone? My wife just tried to execute her will. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2320 What message? 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2321 Wikileaks evidently has a new way to release information. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2322 Tell my attorney I’m calling about the prenup. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
2323 No, I don't think to say "getting this letter is a stab in the back" is exaggerating. 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2324 Yes, she delivered the divorce papers herself. 1.3043 0.05950 69 49 19 1
2325 Hello, Martin? Martin Luther? 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
2326 Hello. I would like to answer, what is black and white and red all over. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
2327 Isn't it customary for a process server and not your client to deliver the divorce papers? 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
2328 Hello, Mary? Please leave your message on the machine next time. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
2329 I asked Marge to put it in writing. 1.3000 0.06222 70 51 17 2
2330 Not really an ache...More of a sharp manifesto. 1.3000 0.07973 70 57 5 8
2331 I can't find the list you left and the pain in my back still hasn't gone away. 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
2332 Yeah, the guy playing Luther took it really seriously. 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
2333 I haven't had a chance to read the fine print. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
2334 I still haven't received your list of demands. 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
2335 It doesn't feel like a subpoena. I think it's the Ten Commandments. 1.3000 0.07435 70 55 9 6
2336 Just a bit of advice ...."watch your back." 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
2337 I don't know. It could be a honey-do list or divorce papers. 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
2338 I just got your text. 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
2339 No, the reconciliation isn’t going well. 1.3000 0.06222 70 51 17 2
2340 I can't today Phil; my wife has given me a honey-do list 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
2341 Yes, it's a fair contract, but there's one sticking point. 1.3000 0.05880 70 50 19 1
2342 Yes, I got her sign the pre-nup. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
2343 So she found out she only gets the house... 1.3000 0.07435 70 55 9 6
2344 Yes. I found the grocery list, Helen. 1.3000 0.07435 70 55 9 6
2345 Honey, remember that argument I had with the mail carrier? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2346 I can't remember exactly, I stuck it somewhere. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2347 I don't think she appreciated that article on self-improvement I gave her. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2348 Okay, so you didn't like the script. You could have just mailed it back. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2349 Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the list of demands that they left behind my back. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2350 I can't play cards tonight, I'm stuck with a 'to do' list 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2351 I received your final notice. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2352 9-1-1? Yes, I'd like to report that I received an attack ad through the mail. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2353 I just received my new policy and I have a question about the deductible. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2354 I have the answer to our law suit. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2355 Well I did tell her I didn't like text messages. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2356 For once could you just leave the shopping list someplace I can find it? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2357 Maybe you're right, Bob. I should have seen this coming. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2358 As soon as I find a mirror--and master right to left , you'll get your darn report. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2359 Yes, I received it, but I'm having a hard time reading it. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2360 I am sorry Pamela, but that is no the way to serve a divorce notice 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2361 I received the documents from my wife. I don't believe that this will be settled amicably. 1.2985 0.06021 67 48 18 1
2362 I know I'm not supposed to call you, but I can't find our divorce papers. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2363 It was a stab and run, but they left all their insurance information. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2364 Sorry, I can't take any more messages. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2365 Yes, Monsignor, we have evidence that Martin Luther is back. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2366 Hello, I am just calling to confirm that I have received your message 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2367 The contract has one big sticking point. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2368 I got your point. I prefer Twitter. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2369 Yeah, my wife just had divorce papers served. Can you send an ambulance? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2370 Is that one-bedroom still available? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2371 hello, 911? yes, i can hold. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2372 Honey....where did you put the shopping list?? 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2373 Is that your final offer? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2374 Yes, I think that I need a divorce attorney. My wife just nailed 95 thesis to my back. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2375 Hi honey! Yes, the paperwork is right where you left it 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2376 Yes, she left a note but I haven't read it yet. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2377 Sticky notes shouldn't hurt, should they? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2378 ...yes, I believe I’ve been served. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2379 Honey, I just received a copy of the Republican tax reform bill. 1.2985 0.07962 67 54 6 7
2380 The bill from the chiropractor came in. It didn’t make a difference. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2381 So I said, "Let's just take a stab at working out our divorce settlement," and she . . . 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2382 Yes, Mr President, I feel I'm well qualified. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2383 My wife just served me with divorce papers. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2384 No, Luther is not here and yes, he did leave his grievances with me. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2385 If you don't pick up the phone I'm dead. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2386 Hi, it's me. I got your message. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2387 Ma? Have you converted my bedroom yet? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2388 I haven't seen it. Was it a text or an email? 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2389 Oh, and I suppose because I didn't read your letter that now I'm "unfeeling." 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2390 Yes, I'm aware my account is overdue. Your representative was just here to inquire about it. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2391 Well does the doctor have any time free next week? 1.2985 0.06021 67 48 18 1
2392 I’ve been having trouble sleeping on my back. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2393 The new tax forms arrived. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2394 My Congressman just gave me a copy of the new tax bill. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2395 I need to speak to my attorney, please. It appears my wife has posted 95 reasons why she wants a divorce. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2396 Hold on. I think I just got served with divorce papers. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2397 Yes, I got the invitation to my funeral. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2398 Yes, I saw the doctor about my back pain...he said it's too long to explain... 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2399 I haven't read it but I'm assuming she wants a divorce. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2400 She really drove in the knife with these divorce papers. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2401 Yes, I know we agreed the title would be "Death Surprised Me" and I feel the ending is becoming clearer. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2402 This is clearly not what I expected when I suggested he took a stab at his homework. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2403 Protestant. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2404 I Agree 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2405 She said she was glad to see the back of me. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2406 Now, we both know nobody enjoys a good "KICK ME" sign more than I do, but I wish you'd found another way to attach it. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2407 She's really sore. But reading her complaint in the bathroom mirror, I'd say she's got it all backwards. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2408 She really stuck it to me. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2409 It's always the fine print that gets you. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2410 The backbiting has stopped. Now it's escalated to backstabbing ultimatums! 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2411 She took the divorce papers surprisingly well. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2412 I ran into Martin Luther today. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2413 No, literally. He literally stabbed me in the back, through a copy of the Constitution for some reason. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2414 There's a lot of backstabbing in the print media. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2415 I think someone has put out a contract on me. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2416 Yes, she left me the divorce papers to sign. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2417 No . . . it's a little higher up and more to the left . . . 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2418 Where did you put my honey-do list? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2419 No officer, I don't know the subject of the document. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2420 The Drug Facts info for my painkiller - honey, where'd you stick that? 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2421 ...then he mumbled something about indulgences and asked me if I had any Pepto. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2422 Tell the president that I got his return tweet! 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2423 Tell him that all submissions must go through proper channels. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2424 Yes, she served the divorce papers today. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2425 No, I cannot read what is on the paper. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2426 No, I'm tired of reading her notes in the mirror. I need you over here. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2427 Did you leave it somewhere I could find it? 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2428 Today’s news is killing me. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2429 Given how the divorce papers were served, Emily, I guess there's no chance of reconciliation. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2430 Couldn't have just sent an email? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2431 I'm pretty sure she stuck me with they're divorce papers. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2432 Yes, I need to hire a new Administrative Assistant. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2433 Just because I clicked "agree" instead of reading the Terms and Conditions, doesn't mean that it's okay for you to stab me in the back. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2434 Honey, have you seen the grocery list? 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2435 And we agree that when I take it out it becomes a legally enforceable blood pact. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2436 It's apparently true... I'd make a better door than a window. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2437 She ALWAYS has the last word. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2438 Honey, I can't find your to-do list. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2439 She finally signed the divorce papers but I'm left with this stabbing pain. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2440 My troubles are behind me. 1.2985 0.06021 67 48 18 1
2441 Where did you leave the divorce papers you want me to sign? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2442 I don't have to read it to know she was mad as hell. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2443 I have to say again, Mildred, naming him Martin Luther was a really bad idea. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2444 I have this nagging feeling they didn't like our offer. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2445 I think it's a list of her complaints. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2446 My "To Do List" is killing me. 1.2985 0.05633 67 47 20 0
2447 I'd prefer not to take another message. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2448 Yes, sir.....I see sir. I agree it may have gone better with you here......no, I am quite certain I know the precise moment that contract negations broke down... 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2449 Wait a minute, she left a note around here somewhere. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2450 It's about the cable bill, I need to change delivery. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2451 Yes, my wife’s lawyer just delivered a copy of the divorce papers. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2452 HR Department please, it's about the termination letter. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2453 And then the second my back was turned... 1.2985 0.06021 67 48 18 1
2454 I don’t know. Who do you think yours is from? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2455 No, officer. I don't mean it as a metaphor! 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2456 I haven't yet read the accompanying letter, but is it reasonable to surmise that I won't be getting a second interview? 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2457 Well Mom, she finally did it -- She served me with divorce papers... 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2458 So, long story short, we’re going through quite the Reformation in our relationship right now. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2459 My wife just got back to me. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2460 If you don't want to sign the prenup, you just should have said so! 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2461 A poison pen letter would have been enough... 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2462 My editor wants me to take another stab at it. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2463 Thanks for the heads up, but my wife just delivered the divorce papers. . 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2464 Her divorce lawyer is evidently Lutheran. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2465 Gotta go. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2466 I have a problem with your user agreement. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2467 Honey, I can't find your shopping list anywhere! 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2468 So I can assume you won't be coming home tonight dear? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2469 The proposal was rejected. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2470 Yes, Luther. L-U-T-H-E-R. 1.2985 0.07962 67 54 6 7
2471 She gave me some divorce papers so I think she's on to us. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2472 Hello, New Yorker magazine, I have a copy of the latest GOP tax bill. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2473 No, not tattoo removal. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2474 Well, I think they're pretty strict Terms and Conditions. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2475 Yes, I'm certain they are divorce papers. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2476 Et tu, Telemarketer? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2477 She's gone, and something tells me she won't be back. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2478 In the future, I'd really appreciate it if you just left me a voicemail message. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2479 Well, the chef begs to differ and I think he makes a very, strong point. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2480 ``I can't find the prenup anywhere.'' 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2481 I'd like to report a hate rhyme 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2482 Honey, I'm telling you, I've looked everywhere and I can't find this "To Do List" you say you've left for me. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2483 Yes, and I don’t think she’s happy with it. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2484 It's that age old dilemma .. I never know whether to take it figuratively .. or literally. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2485 Yes, I have a complaint about your delivery service. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2486 Yes, I suppose it is ironic that she called the prenup a betrayal. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2487 I would be interested, but I really can't pull out of my current contract. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2488 Why, yes -- I did get the divorce papers from your lawyer today. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2489 I don't like being a target of fake news. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2490 I don’t know why she keeps saying I’m clueless about feelings 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2491 I know you have a long list of complaints but if you don't come back, who's going to get the stain out of my shirt? 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2492 She left some divorce papers for me to sign. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2493 No. I can't read to you. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2494 Well , Detective, it started off with a simple "kick me"... 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2495 Except for a few, minor hitches, she took the news rather well. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2496 No, your daughter has been expressing her feelings quite clearly lately 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2497 Yes sir, I did receive the notice about cutbacks. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2498 Rejecting my submission?! Talk about adding insult to injury! 1.2985 0.06021 67 48 18 1
2499 She left me a message, but I can't read it. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2500 Your wife isn't ready to settle yet. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2501 When I asked for a pointed reply, this wasn't what I expected. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2502 Is it too late to cancel that reservation? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2503 My wife doesn't want to remortgage. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2504 We will give fair consideration to your application, but you will not be given any preference over those who submitted electronically. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2505 Yeah, I think his name is Luther. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2506 This tax plan feels like a knife in the back, but they say it will trickle down in our pockets 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2507 Sorry, I don't know where my wife put it. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2508 I would like to cancel my subscription to Threats Weekly. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2509 My wife thinks she's the next Martin Luther. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2510 Luther, the company's policy is to post your ideas on the message board. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2511 Yes dear I got your shopping list. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2512 Trolling on Facebook would suffice 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2513 It’s what we get for raising him Lutheran. 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2514 Are you sure? Because billing just told me to talk to you about this 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2515 I've been reminded to make a reservation for Shakespeare's Julius Cesar 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2516 Sorry honey, but I can't really find your shopping list. Where is it? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2517 "She served the papers right after the pot roast". 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2518 Nana finally signed her will 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
2519 We are processing back orders now. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2520 Hello Stan? Yes, I just got it, and no, Claire delivered it herself. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2521 Yes, I got the point of your message. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2522 No I didn't see your note. Where did you leave it? 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2523 Divorce papers? What divorce papers? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2524 She keeps complaining that I'm impenetrable. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2525 A petition demanding my resignation? No, haven't seen a thing. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2526 This bill is a stab in the back. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2527 Honey, I can't find the divorce papers 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2528 Work is going about the same as always. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2529 I've just been served the divorce papers. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2530 Mr Luther, please? 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2531 Are you sure you remembered to tip the paperboy? 1.2985 0.07672 67 53 8 6
2532 Can I help you?" "Yes you can". "How do I get the IRS off my back?". "And please do not transfer me again! 1.2985 0.07962 67 54 6 7
2533 Yes, hello, you said to call you back after I was served with the divorce papers. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
2534 Yes, she just served me with divorce papers, but I've been unable to read them. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2535 I’m telling you, all I said was remove the crust and cut it into quarters! 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2536 I got your pointed message. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2537 I'm sure it doesn't say "Kick Me". 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
2538 Hi Gene, we're not coming to counseling this week. For the first time in a long while I saw my wife and got a little tingle in my spine so I'm going to see where this goes. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2539 I wish to report an illegal posting of a political campaign poster. 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
2540 Do you give credit for back payment? 1.2969 0.06929 64 48 13 3
2541 Where did you find that divorce lawyer? 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
2542 Yes, I just got s copy of the new GOP tax plan! 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
2543 Are you serious about wanting to break up? 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
2544 This is what gives class action lawsuits a bad name. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2545 I haven't read it yet, but it still hurts. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2546 Well, officer, the knife is real, although the news may be fake. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2547 Fine, I'll hold. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2548 Meryl served me the papers today so I guess she's serious about going through with the divorce. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2549 Yes, I received the letter from your attorney. I just haven't gotten around to it yet. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2550 She did it. She finally signed the divorced papers. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2551 Front desk...Couldn't you have just slipped the bill under the door? 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2552 Yes, she just had me served with the divorce papers. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2553 Honey, I just located the Honeydo list. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2554 Dr. Luther, even though it is the 500th anniversary of the Reformation, I would appreciate it if you used more traditional methods of communication. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2555 Yes, you can say that I have been served. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2556 I can't believe she took her final stab at filing for divorce today! 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2557 Yes, dear. I got your honey do list. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2558 Yes, my last name is Wittenberg, but you're delivery is 500 years late... 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2559 I tried to tell her that I was only the messenger! 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2560 We are not currently interested in a romantic getaway. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2561 Well, I still haven't read it, but now I know where he was coming from. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2562 It only hurts when I laugh. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2563 Honey, do you remember where you put the dagger remover? 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2564 Just a hunch, but I think Bob Mueller wants to ask me some questions. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2565 I know, but still, I never received the email confirmation. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2566 Yes, the President just hired me personally. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2567 Ironically its a paring knife. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2568 Yes, I'm sure I'd rather get the paper online. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2569 My wife has some questions about the will you drafted. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2570 Frank, can we move our tee-time? My honey-do list is a bit longer than I thought. 1.2941 0.07571 68 54 8 6
2571 Please tell Mr. Luther that his theses was delivered to the wrong address. 1.2941 0.07571 68 54 8 6
2572 Yeah, the tax plan is a bust, but at least GOP backstabs are covered under the ACA. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2573 Don't shoot the messenger? 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
2574 I know you think I'm an unfeeling ,insensitive, cold shoulder kind of guy,but can we get together at the ER and talk about it? 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2575 Remember how in the last session, you told her she needed express herself unreservedly? 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2576 Nah, she always does this whenever I forget her birthday. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2577 I think we overplayed our hand a bit with that ultimatum. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2578 Apparently the new generation of internet trolls is neither anonymous nor terse. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
2579 I’m getting a painful feeling your serious about this divorce. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
2580 I forgot another anniversary. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
2581 Martin? You just missed him. 1.2941 0.07571 68 54 8 6
2582 This is your idea of amicable? 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2583 Spencer is in his Martin Luther phase. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2584 No I didn't misdial 911. She literally filed me with divorce papers behind my back. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2585 I know, Reggie, but only exceptional MBA students in the management curriculum learn this after only two weeks. Impressive. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2586 Sorry to be so annoying, but I have a sharp pain in my back - so I won't make it to work. I have a note from my therapist. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2587 I'd say it's time to take her concerns more seriously. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2588 The stabbing pain is my body sending me a message? I don't see it. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2589 No Evelyn, I haven't gotten around to reading your list of demands yet. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2590 Hello 911? I've been stabbed in the back again. Yes, I work in advertising. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2591 Get off my back! 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2592 I think I have been served with divorce papers. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2593 I just got sued by my back-stabbing partner. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2594 I think I have had it with being Attorney General. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2595 I think the divorce attorney came by today. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2596 Well, it's a little skin off my back. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2597 Brutus no longer lives here. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2598 Apparently there are 99 of them. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2599 She told me she has my back. 1.2923 0.07821 65 52 7 6
2600 All that talk about a kinder and gentler IRS? Not so much. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2601 Honestly, I’m feeling rather upbeat now that I’ve put all that hate mail behind me. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2602 I'd like to report a complaint regarding my delivery. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2603 Yes so the divorce is final. Signatures have dried. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2604 Yes, I got the message, but I can't read it. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2605 "Hi mom, just keeping you up to date, I received my divorce papers today"! 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2606 Ok, I get the message 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2607 Yes, I received the message. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2608 Yes, Google? I'm calling to complain about your new service, 'DirkMail.' 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2609 The column you wrote was quite sharp. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2610 Is your grocery store still open? My wife has a list of items she wanted me to pick up. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2611 She is definitely serious. I haven't been able to read them yet, but she says they are non-negotiable . 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2612 It's sort of a sharp, stabbing pain. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2613 She made her point. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2614 I’m taking notes. 1.2923 0.05685 65 46 19 0
2615 They said thats all behind me now. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2616 How do I know he wants a divorce? I just... have a feeling. 1.2923 0.07821 65 52 7 6
2617 Ok, I'll call you when the phone company gets off my back. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2618 We have spirited religious debates. I’m Catholic and Linda’s Lutheran. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2619 Honey, where did you say you put that to-do list you left for me? 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2620 Hold on. I think my wife is trying to tell me something. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2621 Her mother just delivered the divorce papers. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2622 I got your note. What's up? 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2623 Hello 911? My son seems to be in a Martin Luther phase. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2624 I need your help with a Post It Note my wife left me. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2625 I realize I complained about your food once, but I would still prefer to receive the weekly menu by fax only. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2626 We've been working on our costumes for the Reformation 500 Anniversary party. Cathy is going as Martin Luther--I'm trying on the 95 theses right now. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2627 I've got a funny feeling she knows something's up. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2628 I'm not sure we should still use the same attorney. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2629 That article was a real stab in the back. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2630 Got your message. You seem to be unhappy with my counteroffer on alimony. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2631 Yes, Mr. Luther was here, and left his theses. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2632 I never imagined that being served the divorce papers would hurt this much. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2633 I don't know if it's in all caps. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2634 No, I don't know why yet, but I'm pretty sure it's over. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2635 I think it may be some kind of cease and desist order but I haven’t been able to get to it. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2636 I've been stabbed in the back before but never with a list of reasons 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2637 Ok, for the last time, I've received no such summons, now get of of my back! 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2638 And in another ironic twist of fate, guess how they delivered my hospital bill? 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2639 Thanks, but I already got her message. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2640 I didn't actually see the courier, but I know he was here. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2641 Just switch me to the electronic version of your newsletter ! 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2642 Hello Maddie. I'm calling to let you know I received the divorce papers. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2643 They said this is how they execute a contract over here. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2644 Let me guess. You're mad I get to keep the painting. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2645 Martin was here and he's pretty angry. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2646 Yeah, the contract took some sharp criticism.... 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2647 I think it’s that explanation of benefits that I asked for... 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2648 Honey, I just received my job evaluation and I don't think I will be home tonight. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2649 Something tells me I've put off the 'honey do' list a bit too long... 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2650 I'd like to have a word with Mr. Luther, please. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2651 Mom, you may be hearing that I am not working in the West Wing anymore. 1.2923 0.07821 65 52 7 6
2652 Et tu, Wells Fargo? 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2653 Lost the grocery list again. Do we need frozen waffles? 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2654 I'd like to complain about your company's bill collector. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2655 I can’t make it. Apparently something needs my attention. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2656 My new neighbor is a Lutheran. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2657 I'd love to move but I can't get out of my lease. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2658 I told her our argument was pointless but she proved me wrong. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2659 Yes, I had called earlier about a missing newspaper. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2660 All I can tell you is that I'm picking up a really weird vibe at work. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2661 That's some sharp feedback for sure! 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2662 Your lawyer was here. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2663 The divorce lawyer just dropped off my copy. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2664 911? This is the middle class. We'd like to report an attempted homicide called the GOP tax plan. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2665 I’m just saying there’s got to be a better way to serve divorce papers. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2666 I was hoping we could settle this amicably. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2667 Never mind insensitive! Where did you leave our divorce papers? 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2668 Officer, I want to report a threat. It's in da Vinci mirror code. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2669 I lost the acupuncture forms again. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2670 The 'Dear John' I can accept, it's the delivery I have issue with.... 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2671 Honey, did you say something about a to-do list before you left? 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2672 It started when I gave him ‘a punch list.’ 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2673 "She just left without even leaving a note". 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2674 Mum, can we please have less of the 'But she's Lutheran, I knew it would come to this' talk... 1.2923 0.07821 65 52 7 6
2675 She wants a divorce. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2676 Sure I feel betrayed, but at least it's all behind me now. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2677 Francis, I want to report a Martin Luther sighting. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2678 I'm not sure but she said something about divorce papers. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2679 Correct. I’d like to repay my student loans please. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2680 My wife is gonna kill me if I don't work on that list, but I can't find it! 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2681 Now where did she put the divorce papers again? 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2682 Mother was here, she left a note. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2683 Message received. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2684 It feels serious. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2685 Yes Doris, your divorce papers did come through. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2686 The ultimatum my wife just gave sure does sting. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2687 I think someone's trying to tell me something. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2688 I think my wife is trying to tell me something. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2689 I don't know, I can't read it. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2690 I've received their hostile takeover offer. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2691 As a matter of fact, I did just receive the divorce papers, Gladys. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2692 I just heard back from your attorney. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2693 I get the feeling she's trying to send me a message. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2694 I know, Mr. Shapiro, she was just here.... 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2695 I’m pretty sure it’s the pre-nup. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2696 She did let me have her great-grandpa's hunting knife. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2697 I know the wedding is next week, mom, but she's indicated she has some problems with the prenup. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2698 This 'Honey-Do' list is brutal. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
2699 Excuse me for a moment. I think I just received another message. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
2700 I know she left me a list somewhere. 1.2923 0.07821 65 52 7 6
2701 I’d like to sign up for electronic delivery of my account documents in the future. 1.2923 0.06837 65 49 13 3
2702 I can't sign the settlement papers if I don't know where you put them, Joan. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
2703 Honey, where did you put the to do list? 1.2923 0.07821 65 52 7 6
2704 some one is trying to tell me something 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
2705 "Hello Doctor, I have a pain in my back and I think it's trying to tell me something.' 1.2903 0.07046 62 47 12 3
2706 911? I've been attacked by my health insurance provider. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
2707 I wish she had just emailed the divorce papers. 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
2708 Uhh, no dear, I haven't seen it. You said you stuck it, where?? 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
2709 My wife. Don't ask, I just know. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
2710 I've got a stabbing pain in my back. And a long list of other symptoms. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
2711 911? Joe Taxpayer here. Just got stabbed in the back with the GOP tax plan..... 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
2712 Yes, she's calling it her '22 Theses,' for each year of our marriage. 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
2713 I can see that you’ve taken all your things, but I can’t seem to find the note you keep telling me you left. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
2714 I've been asked to join the reformation. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
2715 Man, my back is killing me. 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
2716 I turned my back for a moment and she was gone but she left a note 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
2717 Fake news hurts. 1.2879 0.07714 66 53 7 6
2718 It feels like there's a hole in the contract. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
2719 I just received the divorce papers. 1.2879 0.07406 66 52 9 5
2720 My boss made sure I got the point to bring some work home today. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
2721 I take it then that it is over between us. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
2722 Ya. I got it. But, unfortunately for you, it looks like you hit "reply all." 1.2879 0.06392 66 49 15 2
2723 Yes, of course I got your list of demands. 1.2879 0.06392 66 49 15 2