Contest #579


Cartoon

579


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-08-14
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-08-27 (estimated)
Number of captions 6999
Number of responses 480412
Number of participants 13245


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 The truth is you came from a box of free kittens. 2.0132 0.01006 6602 2163 2189 2250
1 Get over yourself... it was ONE mouse! 2.0025 0.01227 3977 1185 1597 1195
2 Our estate planner wants to know if you would like your inheritance in a lump sum or spread out over nine lives. 1.9973 0.01244 3704 1066 1582 1056
3 He does know the dog got more votes, right? 1.9751 0.01160 4620 1495 1745 1380
4 It doesn't mean you won't still be royalty. It just means there will be no heir. 1.9632 0.01817 2010 705 674 631
5 The taxidermist really captured his personality. 1.9595 0.01227 4415 1560 1474 1381
6 You see, "reigning" cats and dogs can have two different meanings ... 1.9501 0.01827 1744 553 725 466
7 We're sorry we didn't think about your line of succession before we...you know. 1.9301 0.01574 2505 871 938 696
8 No, your majesty, eating the canaries was not what we meant when we asked you to stop the tweeting. 1.8927 0.01230 4230 1605 1474 1151
9 he just got his resuslts from ancestry.com 1.8777 0.01302 3441 1240 1382 819
10 Whatever, he still shits in a box. 1.8509 0.01306 3930 1653 1210 1067
11 After legalizing catnip, nothing else seems important to him 1.8473 0.01212 3935 1483 1570 882
12 A royal heir? Nice try, but you're still getting neutered. 1.8364 0.01210 3968 1529 1559 880
13 This is a bit awkward, Sire, but the parakeet is missing. 1.8330 0.01237 3724 1424 1498 802
14 Why is it always the orange ones with delusions of grandeur? 1.8097 0.01375 3352 1442 1106 804
15 We're just saying, it might be tough to rule the world when you sleep for 12 hours a day 1.7932 0.01300 3216 1275 1331 610
16 Even if he's deposed, I'm sure he'll land on his feet. 1.7859 0.01346 3055 1242 1225 588
17 I know the Egyptians used to worship them, but you're from the Bronx. 1.7734 0.02041 1324 549 526 249
18 YOU'RE the one who wanted to call him Donald! 1.7656 0.01505 2820 1308 865 647
19 Maybe children would be easier. 1.7635 0.01651 2161 952 768 441
20 He's overcompensating for his tiny claws. 1.7595 0.01487 2798 1283 905 610
21 I wanted a rescue, but all they had was an exile. 1.7465 0.02157 1341 631 419 291
22 Ok, I'll say it--the emperor has no claws. 1.7456 0.01477 2622 1168 953 501
23 We'd prefer you 'think' inside the box. 1.7347 0.01790 1949 935 596 418
24 Sorry, but we had to remove your family jewels. 1.7162 0.01563 2417 1154 795 468
25 We never should have let him watch the Lion King. 1.7084 0.01509 2459 1151 874 434
26 No, we're not changing the name of your litter box to Mar-a-Gato. 1.7050 0.02205 1251 619 382 250
27 Let’s go back to dry food. 1.7035 0.05078 226 109 75 42
28 I know you don't want to move, but do you think you could just check that you're not sitting on the remote? 1.6947 0.01746 1798 851 645 302
29 He clawed his way to the top. 1.6880 0.01686 1955 943 679 333
30 I know we are supposed to fight over pets when we divorce, but you can have him. 1.6843 0.02288 1118 559 353 206
31 We shouldn't have named him Donald 1.6802 0.02809 813 432 209 172
32 This is why no one names a cat Rex. 1.6801 0.01841 1613 781 567 265
33 It could be worse. He could think he's the president. 1.6716 0.01859 1705 874 517 314
34 The dog wants to know if he can come back in. 1.6667 0.01812 1635 802 576 257
35 What do you mean you've had the dog beheaded? 1.6626 0.02934 729 393 189 147
36 At three you have the Royal Scratching Post. At four the Ball of Twine arrives... 1.6620 0.01849 1571 777 548 246
37 OK then, we'll build a moat and have the dog pay for it. 1.6598 0.02467 976 512 284 180
38 He said he still wants to build a scratching post and have us pay for it. 1.6514 0.02844 697 360 220 117
39 ...........but over time, Fluffy, the Egyptians realized that their cats weren't gods 1.6478 0.01855 1488 735 542 211
40 Yes Leo,you're King. But we own the can opener 1.6431 0.02815 636 314 235 87
41 He's wondering what happened to the royal jewels. 1.6406 0.02007 1358 703 440 215
42 We decided we are actually dog people. 1.6242 0.02563 833 443 260 130
43 I just worry we spoil him sometimes. 1.6168 0.02321 976 515 320 141
44 Ok, let's go over this again. The Lion King was a completely different kind of cat. 1.6153 0.02806 642 333 223 86
45 Sometimes he wants to execute Jacobites, but we just distract him with string. 1.6151 0.02928 634 341 196 97
46 I don't want to be the one to tell him we're getting a dog. 1.6147 0.02168 1103 580 368 155
47 The vet says she's got affluenza. 1.6144 0.03995 376 213 95 68
48 You just told him what "fixed" really means? 1.6111 0.02209 1085 580 347 158
49 Try to remember where you last were when you were wearing the boots. 1.6071 0.03293 537 303 142 92
50 We should have listened to the people at the shelter. 1.6037 0.02299 974 520 320 134
51 Lazy, overweight and an inexperienced leader. Sounds vaguely familiar. 1.5953 0.02788 719 405 200 114
52 Well, we've requested an audience with you today, Your Highness, to ask you to stop urinating on the couch. 1.5933 0.02498 863 479 256 128
53 Don't let them get to you. It's all fake mews. 1.5922 0.02676 770 433 218 119
54 It's time to go out and do something with your nine lives 1.5904 0.03286 459 246 155 58
55 Perhaps having children would have been easier 1.5837 0.02438 812 435 280 97
56 The taxidermy really captured his essence. 1.5827 0.02559 822 464 237 121
57 Next time, let's get a taxidermist who's a little less whimsical. 1.5775 0.02979 587 329 177 81
58 Trump tried to grab him. 1.5758 0.03135 759 512 57 190
59 His videos bought this house. He deserves a little respect. 1.5742 0.03243 512 293 144 75
60 Sorry your highness, but I think you can handle licking yourself on your own. 1.5728 0.02667 735 416 217 102
61 C'mon, Bob, we both let this happen. 1.5709 0.03027 550 307 172 71
62 This is the 8th cat we've named Henry 1.5702 0.02768 691 395 198 98
63 His shrimp was limp. 1.5700 0.03187 714 478 65 171
64 We were hoping that maybe we could sleep on the bed tonight? 1.5629 0.02981 588 338 169 81
65 We think you can lick your own butt. 1.5565 0.03171 575 350 130 95
66 I'm so glad this is the final season of Game of Thrones. 1.5556 0.02889 603 345 181 77
67 You don't think we're spoiling him, do you? 1.5523 0.02854 574 320 191 63
68 I spoke with the therapist again today and she actually had the nerve to say the problem might be us. 1.5447 0.03344 470 279 126 65
69 We want to get a dog. 1.5446 0.03125 527 310 147 70
70 But "Le Chat, C'est Moi" can't be your only policy. 1.5434 0.02973 541 309 170 62
71 Cats have nine lives, not eight wives. 1.5431 0.03071 534 312 154 68
72 What does he mean by, "Meow is the winter of our discontent."? 1.5391 0.04625 256 156 62 38
73 We said castration, not coronation. 1.5382 0.03248 511 310 127 74
74 Le chat, c'est moi. 1.5381 0.03442 433 257 119 57
75 Tsk Tsk. Puss in Booze, and drunk again. 1.5375 0.03321 506 312 116 78
76 Worst case scenario: He reigns for the whole four years. 1.5364 0.03079 494 283 157 54
77 We've been seeing a lot more animals in leadership positions ever since that orangutan was elected President. 1.5363 0.03312 496 303 120 73
78 I like the way it fits right over the catbox. 1.5357 0.03355 448 265 126 57
79 Get a grip Arthur, your father was a Chicago cat named Three Toes and your mother was a Persian stripper... 1.5351 0.03109 499 290 151 58
80 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown and gags up hair balls. 1.5346 0.03283 492 298 125 69
81 Look, there will be no heir. Remember that doctor's visit? 1.5337 0.03273 489 295 127 67
82 You ARE the greatest cat who ever lived and you have the biggest paws. 1.5328 0.03240 488 292 132 64
83 You know you're becoming a royal pain in the ass. 1.5298 0.03266 470 280 131 59
84 You shouldn't have named him Clawdius. 1.5272 0.03311 459 275 126 58
85 Do you think we are spoiling him? 1.5270 0.03217 463 272 138 53
86 He's a rescue from Trump Tower. 1.5197 0.03565 431 271 96 64
87 We're "cat people," but not "the' cat's people. 1.5188 0.03409 426 257 117 52
88 Maybe just marking your territory is enough. 1.5187 0.03476 428 263 108 57
89 I miss Rover and his democratic socialist platform. 1.5174 0.03508 402 243 110 49
90 The shelter called. They found your scepter. 1.5128 0.03630 392 243 97 52
91 My other throne is a litter box. 1.5124 0.03437 402 241 116 45
92 I'm sorry but you just can't pardon yourself for going on the rug. 1.5113 0.03451 397 238 115 44
93 It's his Trump imitation. 1.5102 0.03616 394 245 97 52
94 One viral video and suddenly he thinks his litter doesn't stink. 1.5091 0.03606 385 237 100 48
95 Not what you expect from a rescue cat. 1.5028 0.03525 356 211 111 34
96 Dogs have masters. Cats have subjects. 1.5028 0.03721 356 220 93 43
97 We feel like the Fancy Feast has gone to your head. 1.5027 0.03581 372 227 103 42
98 We may have crossed the line between pampering and enabling. 1.4970 0.03754 338 208 92 38
99 You may think you're royal, but I've got the can opener. 1.4957 0.03682 347 213 96 38
100 He got his DNA test results back today. 1.4955 0.03609 335 200 104 31
101 It's too much. He's gone through 14 of my house plants, eight catnip toys and now three Communication directors. 1.4910 0.03739 334 206 92 36
102 He still thinks he won the popular vote. 1.4906 0.04152 320 211 61 48
103 Well Donald, that's what you get when you tell a genie that you want some "Royal Pussy". 1.4895 0.04202 333 226 51 56
104 I think we should cut back on the fancy feast. 1.4881 0.07084 84 50 27 7
105 I told the taxidermist that I wanted him to look majestic. 1.4879 0.04054 330 217 65 48
106 Nothing was too good for her – EVERYTHING WAS !!! 1.4878 0.04141 328 219 58 51
107 Sometimes the mice just win. 1.4851 0.03907 303 188 83 32
108 Did your mother say when she'd be back to pick him up? 1.4845 0.04112 291 185 71 35
109 This is the last time we're cat sitting 1.4824 0.03973 313 200 75 38
110 As you start your 2nd life, we got a companion pet - a pit-bull. 1.4823 0.04069 311 202 68 41
111 He's been like this since I cancelled his Twitter account. 1.4805 0.04021 308 198 72 38
112 Please don't look so sad; the package clearly stated that the orb and scepter were being shipped separately. 1.4785 0.03792 303 186 89 28
113 I liked it better when he was an "outside" cat. 1.4744 0.03884 293 182 83 28
114 Trumpy what's wrong? 1.4737 0.08266 76 50 16 10
115 You gotta admit, it's a lot better than his "Brando" stage. 1.4724 0.03912 290 181 81 28
116 I liked him more when HE brought US mice. 1.4722 0.04023 288 183 74 31
117 He's been like this since Brexit. 1.4706 0.04072 289 186 70 33
118 He wants nine wives, too. 1.4706 0.04228 272 176 64 32
119 He's bored. Get your mouse costume out. 1.4700 0.04075 283 181 71 31
120 Well yeah, it's definitely a little troubling, but I'm pretty sure our emperor has no claws. 1.4679 0.03947 280 175 79 26
121 But you really DON'T have any clothes. 1.4655 0.04096 275 176 70 29
122 We're not gonna taste your food anymore. 1.4649 0.03937 271 168 80 23
123 What do you mean "we're fired"!? 1.4630 0.04151 270 174 67 29
124 He didn't act like this at the shelter. 1.4627 0.04207 268 174 64 30
125 Well Joe, it seems our cat is having a fifth-life crisis. 1.4624 0.04362 266 177 55 34
126 I know cats. Cats are friends of mine. You're no cat. 1.4604 0.04534 265 182 44 39
127 Cat heir. 1.4604 0.04139 265 170 68 27
128 He's going through his mid-lives crisis. 1.4600 0.04465 250 166 53 31
129 I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to understand why he'd gotten dropped off at the shelter. 1.4598 0.04220 261 169 64 28
130 Where did you find him -- the White House? 1.4577 0.04335 260 172 57 31
131 We're thinking about getting a dog 1.4545 0.04242 253 164 63 26
132 I'm terrified what your mother gave me is NOT a house cat. 1.4538 0.04782 238 165 38 35
133 I guess we should have had kids after all. 1.4516 0.04226 248 160 64 24
134 A French Poodle and German Shepherd are here to see you about Brexit. 1.4516 0.04341 248 163 58 27
135 I can't behead him; he's my husband... 1.4516 0.04378 248 164 56 28
136 This is not what I meant when I said you could have free reign of the house. 1.4508 0.03990 244 151 76 17
137 We tempted fate by naming our eighth cat Henry 1.4504 0.04097 242 152 71 19
138 What do you mean by, 'Make the Litterbox great Again.' 1.4481 0.04509 241 162 50 29
139 And I just want to add what a privilege it is to empty your litter box. 1.4477 0.04690 239 165 41 33
140 We're making you an outdoor cat 1.4394 0.08671 66 45 13 8
141 Do you think we should name him Donald? 1.4390 0.07970 82 57 14 11
142 I realize now I'm more of a dog person. 1.4369 0.04298 222 143 61 18
143 I don't think that just because you're fat, orange, and compelled to destroy other people's things we should make you king 1.4364 0.04693 220 150 44 26
144 She knows it's just for a day, right? 1.4364 0.04325 220 142 60 18
145 I really didn't mind until she had the dog beheaded. 1.4364 0.04909 220 155 34 31
146 We said 'your leash', not 'your liege'......... 1.4332 0.04413 217 142 56 19
147 "You're king now, but wait until Brutus comes home from dog camp!". 1.4332 0.04215 217 138 64 15
148 YOU put him back in the alley. 1.4332 0.04829 217 151 38 28
149 Really? Build a dog wall?? 1.4292 0.04631 212 143 47 22
150 Do you think we are spoiling the cat? 1.4279 0.04388 208 135 57 16
151 Seriously,..."Caviar" is not cat food! 1.4279 0.04441 208 136 55 17
152 Great. An English Tabby with a Napoleon Complex. 1.4272 0.04728 206 140 44 22
153 We have to build a cat flap. He says Mexico will pay for it. 1.4229 0.05014 201 142 33 26
154 The Queen of Spayeds. 1.4229 0.04600 201 134 49 18
155 Chester, you were a kitten in that YouTube video. You have to move on. 1.4227 0.04774 194 131 44 19
156 Really, those "Impeach the Orange Hairball!" signs weren't for you. 1.4221 0.05051 199 141 32 26
157 Of course you're going to feel bloated if you keep eating everyone who disagrees with you. 1.4213 0.04720 197 133 45 19
158 Karma demands her reincarnation as a servile cat-owner. 1.4213 0.05338 197 145 21 31
159 No, your paws are not too small to be king. 1.4192 0.04914 198 138 37 23
160 Do you think he knows this is his 9th life? 1.4185 0.05077 184 128 35 21
161 OK. But just for a day! 1.4184 0.04450 196 128 54 14
162 You've been to London to see the queen again, haven't you? 1.4175 0.04825 194 133 41 20
163 The first step is recognizing that there is a problem. 1.4175 0.04713 194 131 45 18
164 Yes, we are divorcing. And it IS your fault! 1.4175 0.04656 194 130 47 17
165 We need to talk to you about your twitter account. 1.4175 0.04713 194 131 45 18
166 The vet said Nine Lives, not Nine Wives. 1.4175 0.04656 194 130 47 17
167 Well first of all, we're really not cat people. 1.4149 0.04699 188 126 46 16
168 Doug, I told you it was a bad idea to let him watch Game of Thrones. 1.4118 0.05010 187 131 35 21
169 Can I peel you a mouse? 1.4114 0.05387 175 126 26 23
170 We're sorry. We weren't thinking about your successor when we had you neutered. 1.4108 0.05107 185 131 32 22
171 The other pets have asked for this intervention. 1.4108 0.04811 185 126 42 17
172 It's pretty clear we've screwed up this cat royally... 1.4108 0.04811 185 126 42 17
173 The hour of the vacuum draws ever closer Sire, I advise full retreat. 1.4108 0.04560 185 122 50 13
174 Let's get a dog. 1.4108 0.04811 185 126 42 17
175 Of course I'm sure that the real kings of the jungle also use a litterbox. 1.4108 0.04495 185 121 52 12
176 I don't know where he gets it from, but the vet says Fancy Feast is a gateway food. 1.4101 0.05009 178 123 37 18
177 You've got to get this catnip thing under control. 1.4094 0.05217 149 100 37 12
178 Sure, impeachment may revoke the remainder of your nine lives. 1.4078 0.04923 179 123 39 17
179 You may be not a real king, but you're still a royal pain. 1.4066 0.04863 182 125 40 17
180 Told you not to name him Cat King Cole. 1.4056 0.04901 180 124 39 17
181 I guess catching the mouse is out of the question. 1.4045 0.05251 178 128 28 22
182 He binge watched Game of Thrones. 1.4045 0.04809 178 121 42 15
183 You can't fire us. We're the people. 1.4045 0.05067 178 125 34 19
184 We feed him gourmet cat food one time... 1.4045 0.05067 178 125 34 19
185 The vet said we can have him dethroned by next Wednesday. 1.4045 0.05004 178 124 36 18
186 We've decided that we shouldn't leave "Game of Thrones" on for you when we go out. 1.4045 0.04875 178 122 40 16
187 You're not a king, Donald! You're an overweight pussy who associates with vermin. 1.4045 0.05311 178 129 26 23
188 Nothing we do for him is good enough 1.4045 0.05129 178 126 32 20
189 ..not wives ...lives.... nine lives 1.4045 0.04875 178 122 40 16
190 Well, it's an improvement over his Egyptian phase. 1.4034 0.04847 176 120 41 15
191 Okay, let me get this straight. Dogs have Masters...Cats have Staff! 1.4034 0.04427 176 114 53 9
192 He thinks he won the popular vote. 1.4033 0.04816 181 124 41 16
193 We should never have sent in for his DNA results ... 1.4033 0.04816 181 124 41 16
194 That's not the pussy I wanted you to treat like royalty. 1.4023 0.05150 174 123 32 19
195 Queen Elizabeth generally keeps her legs together and her privates covered. 1.4023 0.04817 174 118 42 14
196 He still seems somehow...disenchanted, like...it's not enough. 1.4012 0.04993 172 119 37 16
197 Look, I think the dog has been in the dungeon long enough. 1.4012 0.04713 172 115 45 12
198 What we said was: "We wish you were more LOYAL." 1.4012 0.05060 172 120 35 17
199 Perhaps we should consider treating him more like a pet. 1.4012 0.04993 172 119 37 16
200 And he was so humble when we picked him up at the shelter. 1.4000 0.04822 170 115 42 13
201 We should never had taught him to play chess. 1.4000 0.04675 170 113 46 11
202 We can best serve you if you tell us why you're disappointed in us. 1.4000 0.05102 170 119 34 17
203 Before you have him executed I think you should know - he is the one who cleans your litter box. 1.3988 0.05103 173 122 33 18
204 Perhaps he is about to cough up an edict. 1.3988 0.05036 173 121 35 17
205 Fancy Feast is a cat food, not a lifestyle. 1.3988 0.04762 173 117 43 13
206 John has asked me to marry him. 1.3988 0.05103 173 122 33 18
207 Why do you say I spoil him? 1.3977 0.05078 171 120 34 17
208 We're not asking you to abdicate, just to use the litter box. 1.3977 0.04870 171 117 40 14
209 You - scratch my belly. And you - tell me I'm a good kitty 1.3977 0.05277 171 123 28 20
210 Your father and I have something to tell you. You're just a friggin' cat. 1.3964 0.05051 169 118 35 16
211 No, really--we're happy to sleep in the living room. Anything else? 1.3964 0.04910 169 116 39 14
212 This all started with the Fancy Feast. 1.3964 0.05256 169 121 29 19
213 No you won't have any heirs. We are just calling a spayed a spade. 1.3952 0.05093 167 117 34 16
214 Consider this an intervention. 1.3952 0.04876 167 114 40 13
215 The dog isn't going to like this. 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
216 What have we done? 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
217 Only six months and he's already drunk with power. 1.3952 0.05164 167 118 32 17
218 He's been this way ever since his video hit one million views. 1.3952 0.05022 167 116 36 15
219 Maybe we were being too cute when we named him Louie Catorze. 1.3952 0.04950 167 115 38 14
220 Yesterday he made me put on a hat with bells and tell him jokes. 1.3939 0.05064 165 115 35 15
221 And you thought I was self absorbed. 1.3939 0.05064 165 115 35 15
222 It's not that you have no clothes, it's more that you really don't even need them. 1.3939 0.04916 165 113 39 13
223 We never should have let him get that Ancestry.com account! 1.3939 0.05278 165 118 29 18
224 Honestly, I prefer when it's reigning dogs. 1.3926 0.05253 163 116 30 17
225 He liked the Lion King better than Cats. 1.3926 0.04722 163 109 44 10
226 You miscounted, Henry. The last life was your eighth. 1.3926 0.05107 163 114 34 15
227 Maybe it's time we had a kid. 1.3926 0.05395 163 118 26 19
228 Sometimes when my meds thin out, I see glimpses of how absurd we've become. 1.3926 0.05107 163 114 34 15
229 Then we agree. Whoever gets the kids must also take the cat. 1.3913 0.04920 161 110 39 12
230 Please stop leaving dead peasants on the stoop. 1.3913 0.05151 161 113 33 15
231 Remember that time we talked about three co-equal branches of government? 1.3899 0.05196 159 112 32 15
232 This place is a dump! #Sad 1.3899 0.05119 159 111 34 14
233 I know some people call it the 'throne', but you still need to use your litter box. 1.3889 0.04895 162 111 39 12
234 ...and that's why there can't be an heir to your throne. 1.3889 0.05624 162 121 19 22
235 Heavy lies the cat who wears the crown. 1.3889 0.04895 162 111 39 12
236 But you still have to go in the box. 1.3885 0.05163 157 110 33 14
237 We have it from a credible source there has been an assassination attempt on one of your nine lives. 1.3865 0.05099 163 115 33 15
238 Do you want the man to leave? 1.3865 0.04948 163 113 37 13
239 As your friends, we feel we need to talk to you about your use of catnip." 1.3865 0.05024 163 114 35 14
240 It's not relaxed, Dad. It's dead. 1.3865 0.05388 163 119 25 19
241 This has got to stop. "Treat your pet like royalty" is just a slogan on your food can. 1.3846 0.04852 156 106 40 10
242 Will our lordship be dining on Salmon Dinner or Poultry Platter this evening? 1.3846 0.05261 156 111 30 15
243 We should have told you earlier, but the real reason you can't produce an heir is because we had you fixed as a kitten. 1.3846 0.05566 156 115 22 19
244 He's still living off of his kitten YouTube fame. 1.3831 0.04532 154 101 47 6
245 I'm afraid it's true, you're adopted. 1.3831 0.05388 154 111 27 16
246 You're right, it doesn't work without the boots. 1.3831 0.05146 154 108 33 13
247 He's depressed. The mice won't pledge their allegiance, and he can't Twitter about it. 1.3831 0.05228 154 109 31 14
248 King or not, we're still going to need you to poop in that box. 1.3831 0.05063 154 107 35 12
249 Are you sure this was a condition of Aunt Gertrude's will? 1.3831 0.04892 154 105 39 10
250 He says you can stay...apparently, you amuse him. 1.3831 0.05146 154 108 33 13
251 All I wanted to do was make the backyard great again. 1.3831 0.05063 154 107 35 12
252 Ok, the throne can stay but the guillotine goes. 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
253 My guess: New Jersey's governor at the beach? 1.3831 0.05146 154 108 33 13
254 It really hurts our feelings when you tell all your friends that you were adopted by dog people. 1.3831 0.05308 154 110 29 15
255 We don't understand the electoral college either. 1.3831 0.04892 154 105 39 10
256 L'etat, c'est meow 1.3816 0.05357 152 109 28 15
257 You were adopted. 1.3816 0.05021 152 105 36 11
258 He's been like this ever since he got his ancestry.com report. 1.3816 0.04934 152 104 38 10
259 They do say to "dress for the job you want." 1.3816 0.05107 152 106 34 12
260 Get off the throne and use the litter box. 1.3816 0.05438 152 110 26 16
261 I didn’t dress him up. I thought you dressed him up. 1.3786 0.05596 140 101 25 14
262 Is it the ermine trim that troubles you? 1.3784 0.04927 148 101 38 9
263 We know you have a big following on youtube but you still have to use the litter box. 1.3784 0.04538 148 97 46 5
264 You voted for him... 1.3784 0.05373 148 106 28 14
265 Maybe he shouldn't have eaten all four-and-twenty blackbirds. 1.3784 0.05287 148 105 30 13
266 Peel me a mouse. 1.3784 0.05458 148 107 26 15
267 I think it started when that video of him walking on the piano went viral. 1.3784 0.04737 148 99 42 7
268 What did you do with the dog? 1.3759 0.05282 141 99 31 11
269 We know Henry, you thought you would be a Tudor king, not a neutered king, but you are still royalty to us, even without your crown "jewels." 1.3758 0.05082 149 104 34 11
270 Listen, we don't care who you were in a past life. 1.3758 0.04900 149 102 38 9
271 ....a funny story about your inability to produce an heir.... 1.3741 0.05217 147 104 31 12
272 Now that you've conquered the internet, let's talk about conquering your litter box. 1.3741 0.04942 147 101 37 9
273 You think the Colorado Catnip was just a bit too much? 1.3733 0.05054 150 105 34 11
274 It's a case of Lion King Syndrome. 1.3731 0.07317 67 46 17 4
275 He's got some entitlement issues... 1.3724 0.04888 145 99 38 8
276 You should have told us sooner that you wished to sire an heir. 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
277 What do you mean, spoiled him? 1.3724 0.05080 145 101 34 10
278 What possessed you to babysit Trump's cat? 1.3724 0.05532 145 106 24 15
279 While funny at first, we have now realized that calling you 'The Donald' was a bad idea. 1.3714 0.07926 70 51 12 7
280 Maybe it's always seemed like it, but we are not your minions. 1.3706 0.04829 143 97 39 7
281 There's always going to be someone with more YouTube views. 1.3706 0.05126 143 100 33 10
282 Since we're all family, I think I'm allowed to tell you the decree you left in the spare bedroom really stinks. 1.3706 0.05221 143 101 31 11
283 I told you, binge watching Game of Thrones was a bad idea! 1.3688 0.05551 141 103 24 14
284 No one enjoys life #6 very much. 1.3688 0.05551 141 103 24 14
285 And this is only the first of his nine lives. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
286 We’ve decided to become dog people. 1.3688 0.05074 141 98 34 9
287 And WHAT would you do with a horse? 1.3688 0.05270 141 100 30 11
288 Ok. one more time.. Where's the Dog ? 1.3688 0.04973 141 97 36 8
289 Define 'spoiled.' 1.3688 0.05270 141 100 30 11
290 I think we should explain why you won't be having an heir. 1.3688 0.05459 141 102 26 13
291 I told you not to name him Donald. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
292 We understand that you rule the land, but you still need to use the litterbox. 1.3650 0.05567 137 100 24 13
293 You're the one who named him Rex. 1.3650 0.05270 137 97 30 10
294 I used his scepter to scoop the litter box. 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
295 Maybe it's time to tell him he's a cat. 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
296 I miss the dog 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
297 We know. But that was the jungle. This is Poughkeepsie. 1.3609 0.05478 133 96 26 11
298 There's no easy way to say it Princess, but we're not your birth parents. 1.3607 0.07026 61 41 18 2
299 He stars in one viral video... 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
300 Do you think he hates it when we anthropomorphize him? 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
301 I liked it better when he was just a fat cat. 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
302 Maybe the four and twenty blackbirds baked in the pie was a bit too much. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
303 Do we even have a milk chalice? 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
304 I told you not to go to the animal rescue shelter on Park Avenue 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
305 Dear, our cat is becoming a royal pain. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
306 I don't care. He still gets canned food. 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
307 Just don't sit like that on the subway. 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
308 Well, at least he can't tweet. 1.3588 0.05741 131 97 21 13
309 Don't let that Best In Show award get to your head... 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
310 I still have claw marks from our last coup attempt 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
311 Probably shouldn't have named him Ceasar. 1.3588 0.05741 131 97 21 13
312 Would it be OK if we got a pet? 1.3588 0.05317 131 93 29 9
313 I thought he was your cat. 1.3588 0.05638 131 96 23 12
314 It's a place in the country where you'll have lots of other cats to reign over. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
315 The dry cat food was an experiment...a mistake really. 1.3577 0.05256 137 98 29 10
316 We felt it's time for an intervention. 1.3577 0.05554 137 101 23 13
317 All he ever really wanted was to win the popular vote. 1.3577 0.05357 137 99 27 11
318 Well I voted for the dog. 1.3577 0.05457 137 100 25 12
319 He just read his DNA report from Ancestry .com. 1.3566 0.05697 129 95 22 12
320 We told you to word your three wishes carefully, Sir. 1.3566 0.05369 129 92 28 9
321 I wish we had just cremated him. 1.3566 0.05697 129 95 22 12
322 On the count of three, you distract him and I'll grab the remote. 1.3566 0.05019 129 89 34 6
323 What do you mean, we should name her after my mother? 1.3566 0.05697 129 95 22 12
324 Puss, it's only a pair of boots. We can buy you some new ones. 1.3566 0.05481 129 93 26 10
325 It's no more 'Game of Thrones' for you. 1.3561 0.05173 132 93 31 8
326 We just think...maybe it's time to consider community college. 1.3561 0.05805 132 99 19 14
327 Pretend you rule the house all you want, but you can be impeached. 1.3538 0.05445 130 94 26 10
328 I know this was in your mother's will but . . . 1.3538 0.05554 130 95 24 11
329 'Clearly, she's spent too much time around your mother." 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
330 Even though we'll no longer be married the prince & princess will still serve you. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
331 I know he's insufferable but at least we don't have mice. 1.3538 0.05106 130 91 32 7
332 Your father and I think you're being a bit of a drama queen. 1.3538 0.05764 130 97 20 13
333 Okay, now he's Henry the Eighth. Are you going to tell him about the 9 lives thing? 1.3538 0.07731 65 47 13 5
334 Yes, Felix, here you are King, but in the jungle you are just somebody's lunch. 1.3538 0.05335 130 93 28 9
335 With all due respect your majesty, we will not behead the dog. 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
336 Honey, he's marked his territory, and we just have to get used to it. 1.3516 0.05154 128 90 31 7
337 O.K. We've exiled the dog. Now what? 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
338 I think it would be more respectful to just bury him. 1.3516 0.05826 128 96 19 13
339 It's great our marriage has found a shared focus. 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
340 He's a spoiled, selfish little creature who needs constant attention and thinks he's the center of the universe. Let's call him Trumpy. 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
341 We know this is tough to hear, but your kitty litter does stink. 1.3516 0.05720 128 95 21 12
342 Should we tell him he has no clothes? 1.3516 0.05500 128 93 25 10
343 Clearly the Fancy Feast has gone to her head. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
344 Maybe he should go back to regular cat food. 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
345 Don't shhhhhh me! If he tries to grab THIS pussy I'll scratch his eyes out with fire and fury the world has never seen. 1.3516 0.05931 128 97 17 14
346 He says he's Pussyrus of the House Pussyrian, The Litter-Born, First of His Name, The Father of Hairballs, Chaser of Mice, The Scratcher of Posts. 1.3516 0.05720 128 95 21 12
347 It could be worse: He could get a Twitter account. 1.3504 0.05735 117 85 23 9
348 How do we tell him he didn't win the popular vote? 1.3504 0.05986 117 87 19 11
349 There was a mix-up at the DNA lab. It turns out you're just a housecat. 1.3492 0.05670 126 93 22 11
350 Hopefully this is the ninth life and not the first. 1.3478 0.05799 115 84 22 9
351 You're bored? Use another one of your lives. 1.3475 0.05694 118 86 23 9
352 This belly isn't going to rub itself, you know. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
353 we're pregnant.... 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
354 Since the dog died he's become impossible. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
355 I think he ate your medical marijuana. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
356 Cattitude 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
357 We've decided to form our own nation, led by the people. 1.3468 0.05253 124 88 29 7
358 Now that WE'VE gotten rid of the dog, shouldn't YOU be getting rid of the mice? 1.3451 0.05865 113 83 21 9
359 My cat? I thought he was your cat! 1.3448 0.06011 116 87 18 11
360 It must be a heir ball 1.3448 0.05490 116 83 26 7
361 Think, where did you leave the boots? 1.3448 0.05490 116 83 26 7
362 I was sure he had 2 more left. 1.3448 0.05490 116 83 26 7
363 Having a distant relative who's king of the jungle, doesn't really benefit you here. 1.3443 0.04767 122 83 36 3
364 I said we should get a dog, but noooooo! 1.3443 0.05554 122 89 24 9
365 1. You are not a lion. 2. This is not a jungle. 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
366 I'm glad to see our shelter cat is adjusting well. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
367 Sorry, the vet thought it was necessary to do that. But you'll always be king in this house. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
368 "You ate a tweet or you sent a tweet?'' 1.3426 0.06052 108 80 19 9
369 You're turning us into dog people. 1.3423 0.06711 111 88 8 15
370 Where did you last see your boots? 1.3421 0.05687 114 83 23 8
371 Yes, we are cat people but don't press your luck. 1.3421 0.05407 114 81 27 6
372 But we like the dog. 1.3421 0.05953 114 85 19 10
373 I know we're a disappointment... 1.3421 0.05822 114 84 21 9
374 I wonder why she was up for adoption? 1.3421 0.06082 114 86 17 11
375 That's fake mews. 1.3419 0.05967 117 88 18 11
376 We thought it was cute at first Sire. Now we'd like you to abdicate. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
377 You've been neutered. There are no heirs to your throne. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
378 I told you if you kept buying that fancy food it would go to his head. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
379 At the pound, they did say he was aloof. 1.3417 0.05090 120 84 31 5
380 We appreciate your eating all the mice in the kingdom, but you really should have paced yourself. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
381 He's been down ever since they've been saying he has small paws. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
382 You were right, the Emperor has no clothes. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
383 I'm sorry, but you can't behead the vet. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
384 We've looked everywhere your excellency, but there's no sign of your covfefe. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
385 Should we tell him he's neutered? 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
386 Maybe we shouldn't have let him watch The Lion King. 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
387 He thinks he rescued us. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
388 Must you do this every time Game of Thrones is on? 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
389 Do you think we may have spoiled her? 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
390 Maybe His Highness should be eating Fiskies Lite? 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
391 @RealGrumpyCat just unfollowed him. 1.3393 0.06024 112 84 18 10
392 L'etat, c'est meow 1.3390 0.05412 118 85 26 7
393 Would you go along with having us drop the dog off at a shelter instead of shooting him? 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
394 I'd have just had him cremated. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
395 He doesn't chase mice anymore. He demands they be deported." 1.3390 0.05277 118 84 28 6
396 On the upside, though, he hasn't figured out how to use twitter. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
397 We should have never agreed to have his DNA tested. 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
398 Our therapist said we've spoiled you, so we stopped going. Want some tuna? 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
399 Dad, what do you think Chairman Meow thinks about? 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
400 Cuddles--Daddy and I feel we need to cut back on your 'Games of Thrones' viewing. 1.3390 0.05800 118 88 20 10
401 Look, we regret letting you out of the bag... 1.3390 0.05674 118 87 22 9
402 On second thought, let's not have kids. 1.3390 0.05412 118 85 26 7
403 Now Percy, just relax. The vet said the laxative works in about 30 minutes. 1.3390 0.05277 118 84 28 6
404 May I introduce Whiskers of House Calico, the untrained, scratcher of posts, cousin of Mittens, and the cougher of hairballs. 1.3390 0.05923 118 89 18 11
405 No, no dogs. It's just reigning cats. 1.3366 0.06178 101 75 18 8
406 Sitting on the throne is not the same as using the litter box. 1.3363 0.05844 113 84 20 9
407 That new Fancy Feast really went to his head. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
408 Someone's feast is getting a little too fancy around here. 1.3362 0.05604 116 85 23 8
409 I see that "royal pain in the ass" was not metaphor. 1.3362 0.05329 116 83 27 6
410 Le chat, c'est moi. 1.3362 0.05991 116 88 17 11
411 So about this whole 'King of Beasts' thing....you're just a house cat. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
412 We gotta stop buying fancy feast 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
413 No, YOU tell him he's not wearing any clothes. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
414 Nice try, we're still not getting you Fancy Feast. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
415 Now is the season of our distemper. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
416 You'll always be 'Puss"to us, even without your boots. 1.3333 0.05932 114 86 18 10
417 We're having a baby. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
418 You'll be fine—guys like you always land on their feet. 1.3333 0.05932 114 86 18 10
419 Even my therapist thinks it's best I don't have children . 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
420 Don't you think you're carrying your pedigree too far? 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
421 Perhaps we shouldn't have named him Donald. 1.3333 0.06062 114 87 16 11
422 First step, admit that catnip makes you powerless. 1.3333 0.05526 114 83 24 7
423 I think it is time to start making a succession plan. 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
424 Look, you can't have both--it's either unlimited power or more salmon. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
425 But, you still poop in a box. 1.3304 0.06134 112 86 15 11
426 Daddy just doesn't want to be court jester any more. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
427 It was a rescue site. I thought it said disposed, not deposed. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
428 Heavy is the cat who wears a crown. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
429 I told you that naming the cat Donald was not a good idea 1.3304 0.06264 112 87 13 12
430 Actually, it's worse than this. He has the dog dressed up as the court jester. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
431 He wants to be called Donald 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
432 I think the Instagram success has gone to his head. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
433 The baby won't mean we'll love you any less. 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
434 We've kept it from you for years...you're a rescue. 1.3301 0.05586 103 74 24 5
435 He learned to cat-spread from your man-spread. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
436 I told you that youtube money would go straight to his head. 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
437 Time to give Puss the boot. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
438 Looks like he's grabbed his last pussy. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
439 'We had no idea the salmon was farm-raised." 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
440 He's on his ninth life, and he still hasn't won the caption contest. 1.3273 0.06073 110 84 16 10
441 We're willing to work with you but exiling Spot is a bit extreme. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
442 Okay, I admit it, we should have frozen your eggs. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
443 Maybe we should have had kids instead. 1.3269 0.05868 104 77 20 7
444 I know he can seem a little arrogant... 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
445 He was a lot more fun when he was a kitten. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
446 Maybe we should check that pet training book again 1.3267 0.06151 101 76 17 8
447 He doesn't look happy. We need to do more. 1.3267 0.06151 101 76 17 8
448 Boy, killing that mouse really went to his head. 1.3267 0.05988 101 75 19 7
449 He really does have better health care coverage than we do. 1.3267 0.05988 101 75 19 7
450 There's nobody left to fire. 1.3243 0.06160 111 86 14 11
451 He says if a pussy grabber can be president, why can a real pussy be king? 1.3243 0.05747 111 83 20 8
452 He realized he had no clothes. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
453 I'm sure the other cats will like you. Maybe you could just take off the crown? 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
454 I thought a rescue cat would act a little less entitled. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
455 I refuse to address him as "Chairman Meow". 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
456 We need to change the litter under your throne. 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
457 You are the absolutely best cat ever. No cat in the universe catches more mice than you. Your videos go viral faster than any in the whole history of catdom! 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
458 We found a bag of catnip in your room. 1.3241 0.06004 108 82 17 9
459 They were removed when you were just a kitten. We had no idea you were royalty 1.3241 0.06146 108 83 15 10
460 she has read Mom's will 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
461 Looks like he's been bingeing on "Game of Thrones" again. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
462 Are we doing enough? 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
463 If the texting doesn't stop, we're taking away the mouse. 1.3241 0.06422 108 85 11 12
464 The adulation from youtube has changed him. 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
465 No one ever said doing nothing all day would be easy. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
466 I think he's finally gotten too big for his britches. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
467 Fluffy, it’s nothing to be ashamed of… it was the biggest mouse we’ve ever seen too. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
468 Balls," said the queen. "If I had them, I'd be King. 1.3241 0.06146 108 83 15 10
469 Maybe we should have had a kid so it would go away to college. 1.3238 0.05661 105 77 22 6
470 Honey, wearing the crown isn't enough, you have to act like a king. 1.3238 0.05820 105 78 20 7
471 First of all, I do not have owners. I have staff. 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
472 He's way less demanding than my last cat. 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
473 It's all about MEow! 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
474 Well, aren't you the cats meow! 1.3235 0.05772 102 75 21 6
475 He seems different since the dog died. 1.3235 0.06256 102 78 15 9
476 Time for a regime change. 1.3235 0.06099 102 77 17 8
477 We're awfully sorry to bother you, King Whiskers, but another mouse sighting has been reported in the dungeon. 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
478 Not so sure we should have told the taxidermist "do what you think is best". 1.3211 0.05812 109 82 19 8
479 We want you to know that we've stopped your Twitter account for your own good. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
480 We promise -- nothing will change when the baby comes. 1.3208 0.05615 106 78 22 6
481 It started with him saying, 'Après meow, le déluge'. 1.3208 0.06222 106 82 14 10
482 We need to talk to you about your catnip use. 1.3208 0.05286 106 76 26 4
483 I’m worried; since January he just sits around in his robe watching cable news. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
484 You placed the dog in exile? 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
485 It's not your fault, it's ours. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
486 The taxidermist really captured his ego. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
487 Our kingdom has a litter problem. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
488 We should have never changed his kibble. 1.3205 0.06187 78 56 19 3
489 My sire, word has arrived that the dog is gathered his troops. 1.3204 0.06203 103 79 15 9
490 For the ninth time, . . . 1.3204 0.06048 103 78 17 8
491 But I loved that canary. 1.3204 0.05888 103 77 19 7
492 Even though we're getting divorced, mommy and daddy don't love you any less. 1.3204 0.05888 103 77 19 7
493 He's not worried about succession, he's got nine lives. 1.3178 0.06027 107 82 16 9
494 Six wives and nine lives isn't so bad, Henry. 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
495 We declawed him but we can't seem to dethrone him. 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
496 I have to draw the line at tasting the royal cat food. 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
497 Your lineage ends here, you know that don't you? 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
498 Well you did ask me to have him stuffed "as he'd like to be remembered..." 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
499 He insists on eating only free range mice 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
500 Four and twenty blackbirds and you wonder why the stomach cramps? 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
501 I'm telling you, Jim... he's saying "MeNow." 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
502 Dinner is trapped, your highness. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
503 What saddens thee? Why, even the mice who bear your cruelties' brunt adore you... 1.3152 0.06169 92 69 17 6
504 With only one more life to go after this one, Henry is coping as best as he can. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
505 'King of the Felines' has a nice ring to it, but we're sticking with 'Whiskers'. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
506 We should never have let him see The Lion King. 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
507 We found some royal subjects on our bedroom carpet. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
508 I fear at this point a spray bottle might be considered an act of treason. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
509 He forgot the first rule of being King: don't eat all your subjects. 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
510 He's surprisingly down-to-earth for a cat. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
511 I told you we shouldn't name him King. 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
512 He says he uses our closet because the litter box is such a dump. 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
513 Our first mistake was naming him Donald. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
514 I think she said, 'Peel me a mouse.' 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
515 Ancestry.com said his great grandfather was King of The Jungle. 1.3100 0.06466 100 79 11 10
516 And thanks to Bob Barker, there's no line of succession. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
517 We're going to be terrible parents. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
518 Heavy lies the cat who wears the crown. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
519 I don't know how to break this to you. We're pregnant. 1.3100 0.05260 100 72 25 3
520 This is why I wanted a dog. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
521 He had the dog beheaded. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
522 Pampering him?... I don't think we're pampering him. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
523 I told you we shouldn't have named him "Trump." 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
524 We just don't feel 'off with his head' is a proportionate response to Buddy eating out of your dish. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
525 I told you not to let him binge-watch. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
526 Please let us have a baby! 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
527 Game of Thrones withdrawal 1.3100 0.05260 100 72 25 3
528 We are having this intervention, because you are really not the King of this household 1.3100 0.05260 100 72 25 3
529 I'm not sure, but I think he said "A mouse...my kingdom for a mouse!" 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
530 That's fake mews. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
531 Cheer up! Don't let the fact that no one came to your "Hair Ball" ruin a perfectly wonderful coronation. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
532 He's just learned the coronation was fake mews. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
533 So I see he caught the laser dot. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
534 Felix we know it hurts to lose your jewels but as far as we are concerned your crown is still intact. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
535 We're staging a coup. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
536 Yes, you're right. Some pets are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
537 I refuse to call it a Royal Flush. Just dump the litter box. 1.3100 0.06466 100 79 11 10
538 Maybe we shouldn't have named her "Queenie." 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
539 So how is this different than normal? 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
540 When we said that your line of succession had been fixed, you may have misunderstood. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
541 I think we've just found the parakeet 1.3100 0.05064 100 71 27 2
542 Is it possible we've overindulged him? 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
543 'Fat Cat' is actually a compliment, my liege. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
544 Since your Lion King theme flopped, let's try Puss in Boots 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
545 He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, but I couldn't find his fiddlers three anywhere. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
546 Maybe we have spoiled him. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
547 I knew we shouldn't have switched him to Fancy Feast. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
548 Heavy is the cat that wears the crown... 1.3100 0.06308 100 78 13 9
549 OK, just give him the scepter, but NOT the remote! 1.3100 0.05260 100 72 25 3
550 Tell me again why we didn't get a dog? 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
551 Look Henry, Fred is moving in tomorrow but I told him he only gets to be prince. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
552 Wait 'til he finds out that he'll never have an heir. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
553 It was one way to keep him off the sofa... 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
554 Uneasy lies the cat that wears a crown 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
555 He's depressed about the line of succession. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
556 It's ennui. Melancholy and Weltschmerz are beneath him. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
557 "This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted you to worship my pussy." (sorry for the crude language, but ya gotta admit - solid caption.) 1.3061 0.06553 98 78 10 10
558 His first eight lives he was a peasant. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
559 Before you decide to give this all up, ask yourself what you would do with a horse if you had one. 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
560 Yes, Felix, all lions are felines, but not all felines are lions. Sorry! 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
561 He prefers Lord Fluffykins now. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
562 The Aristocats is just a movie. 1.3061 0.05109 98 70 26 2
563 The townsfolk have been overthrown but what about our mouse problem? 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
564 So, you went to London to visit the Queen. Then what? 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
565 Herding cats is exhausting. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
566 That's the last time we get Fancy Feast. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
567 Joe wants you to know he's sorry about dinner tonight and wonders if you will be keeping him on staff. 1.3043 0.06324 92 71 14 7
568 It's important to recognize that there are three co-equal branches of governing this household. 1.3043 0.06132 92 70 16 6
569 Maybe we should have voted for the dog 1.3030 0.05266 99 72 24 3
570 So, having 9 lives has turned out to be exhausting and a bit humbling? 1.3030 0.06168 99 77 14 8
571 We aren't saying we would have a baby—just that, if we did, we wouldn't love it. 1.3030 0.06168 99 77 14 8
572 At least he's not Trump. 1.3030 0.06333 99 78 12 9
573 We'll start with an amuse bouche of pureed oysters, followed by scallop tartare, and then a mouse and vole terrine, and finishing with a catnip sorbet. 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
574 Would you care for tuna tartare or mousse de canard? 1.3030 0.05998 99 76 16 7
575 What did she mean, 'thank god they didn't have kids?' 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
576 The emperor needs new claws. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
577 Cat King Cole 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
578 You tell him we're getting a puppy. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
579 'Fit for a king' is a marketing gimmick - you just ate too much. 1.3021 0.06304 96 75 13 8
580 Get this through your furry head. We will NOT call you 'Your Highness'! 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
581 I know the Cowardly Lion....The Cowardly Lion is a friend of mine....You are no Cowardly Lion.....enough, get back in the kitchen. 1.3021 0.06642 96 77 9 10
582 We never did want to tell you that you really are just a cat. 1.3021 0.06304 96 75 13 8
583 Would you consider Ms Fluffy down the street for queen 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
584 You really shouldn't have called them "a litterbox of deplorables". 1.3021 0.06475 96 76 11 9
585 I'd have you both killed in an instant if I cared enough to utter your names. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
586 We didn't think an heir would be so important when we had you neutered. 1.3021 0.06475 96 76 11 9
587 We need to switch to dry food, honey. The Fancy Feast is going to his head. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
588 The vet suggested he’s willing to pardon us. 1.3021 0.06806 96 78 7 11
589 We just can't afford Fancy Feast anymore. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
590 I told you not to name him Henry! 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
591 It started with the Fancy Feast. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
592 Jim, this cat is a royal pain in the butt! 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
593 Our president freaked her out. 1.3000 0.07990 60 47 8 5
594 Turns out it's just reigning cats, no dogs. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
595 He is very merciful....as long as you go get him the tuna casserole. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
596 Sweetheart, there was not one million mice watching. I'm sorry, it's just not true. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
597 This Caturday business is getting out of control 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
598 That's not the way you make "Kitty litter great again". 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
599 The feast was too fancy. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
600 I guess we shouldn't have used Craig's List to find a taxidermist. 1.2979 0.06563 94 75 10 9
601 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. So, too, is the belly that holds the mouse. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
602 I hope our pampering makes up for the neutering. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
603 He liked your idea of appointing a “Presidential Pussy” but apparently he has someone else in mind. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
604 So we are all in agreement. Pussy rules. 1.2979 0.06563 94 75 10 9
605 The results are back. This is not the jungle and you are not the king. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
606 But if we got a dog, you would still be king. 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
607 HENRY THE NEUTERED CONTEMPLATES LIFE WITHOUT HIS ORBS AND SCEPTER 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
608 He wants a personal groomer, a sleep chamber, and a purring coach. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
609 He thinks he's the cat's meow. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
610 Do you think it's time we had kids? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
611 He has a sixth sense of entitlement. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
612 The Fancy Feast has really gone to his head. 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
613 We should never have let him go on Ancestry.com! 1.2979 0.05202 94 68 24 2
614 Maybe we should cut back on the Fancy Feast. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
615 He just realized he rules in a constitutional monarchy, and his powers are purely ceremonial. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
616 Cats rule. Dogs drool. We get that. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
617 I just thought it would partially make up for the vet taking away his, um, crown jewels. 1.2976 0.06287 84 64 15 5
618 We need to talk about your cattitude. 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
619 You can keep the throne; crown and robe go back to Mar-a-Lago - and tell him you're sorry. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
620 We should have seen this coming when he promised the other cats he'd build a wall to keep the dogs out. 1.2935 0.06473 92 73 11 8
621 Maybe just a tad overdressed for the vet. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
622 Maybe it was the four and twenty blackbirds. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
623 We meant cat hair...not cat heir. 1.2935 0.05250 92 67 23 2
624 I prefer his Macbeth. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
625 You were adopted. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
626 Hey, Queen of Spayeds, your dinner's ready. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
627 Maybe naming him "The Donald" wasn't such a good idea after all. 1.2935 0.06655 92 74 9 9
628 Why didn't we quash this back when he was just an obnoxious kitten? 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
629 What? Chicken? Tuna? Fish pate'? What? 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
630 At least when he's sleeping he's not tweeting. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
631 The whole "King of the Forest" thing kind of ended with canned food. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
632 We are all disappointed that William and Kate chose a hampster. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
633 We think its time to stop feeding you from the table. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
634 Life under Purrsian rule 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
635 You tell him that it's only a titular office. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
636 This is number 9. He's finally dead. I'm in charge again, no more cats. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
637 The King of Beasts still needs a litter box. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
638 But sire, the dog said he doesn't WANT to be neutered. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
639 Heavy is the Tabby that wears the crown. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
640 Maybe it's time we told him he's a rescue, not a regent 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
641 I know what Ancestry.com said but you still have to use the litter box. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
642 Of course the barking next door is annoying, we agree - but is military action really an option? 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
643 So, what are you king of exactly? 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
644 Maybe enough with the "Fancy Feast?" 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
645 It's OK. Not every emperor has clothes. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
646 It's your fault. You created his Instagram page. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
647 Le roi, c'est miaou. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
648 Order something from Amazon and give me the box. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
649 If only he'd stop giving the mice pardons. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
650 The kids would really like their sandbox back. 1.2935 0.05250 92 67 23 2
651 Frankly we said neutered not knighted 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
652 Where did you think I would get the fur trim? 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
653 You're not a Windsor. You're not a Tudor. You're just a cat. Get over it! 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
654 We've asked you here tonight because we love you, and we want to tell you from us: we're adopting a dog. 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
655 Mr. Whiskers? We're just wondering if you've seen Miss Feathers? 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
656 We will remain your faithful subjects, King Kitty, but in different houses, so now you will have two kingdoms! 1.2927 0.07046 82 66 8 8
657 Remember how we agreed not to leave him with your mother? 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
658 Dad and I have decided it's time you started paying rent. 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
659 Sorry, we won't cut the dog's head off. 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
660 I told you it was a mistake to name him Donald. 1.2921 0.06432 89 70 12 7
661 Well, his YouTube channel does make more than us. 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
662 So, this is the cat's pajamas? 1.2921 0.05582 89 66 20 3
663 He had his second wife declawed. 1.2921 0.06022 89 68 16 5
664 "Nothing excites him anymore". 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
665 It's time to tell you why there will be no heirs. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
666 Not abdication, just stop spraying the drapes. 1.2889 0.06562 90 72 10 8
667 He now taxes the mice instead of eating them. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
668 What do you mean, 'let them eat tuna!'.?? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
669 When it comes to your majesty's personal hygiene, the royal we does not include us. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
670 So, you do understand that Fido won the popular vote? 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
671 We're both really sorry. The vet assured us that it would improve your personality. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
672 He's been binge-watching Downton Tabby. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
673 It's that only child thing 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
674 He said he's too pooped to conquer. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
675 Seems he didn't fancy the lobster... back to Beluga. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
676 You're 18 now, you need to move out. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
677 Catnip always gives him delusions of grandeur. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
678 It wouldn't be for about nine months, but we wanted to ask you first. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
679 It was only a month ago, he was completely feral. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
680 A mouse, a mouse, my kingdom for a mouse! 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
681 Would it help if we peeled you a mouse? 1.2889 0.06562 90 72 10 8
682 He pronounced himself ruler of mice and men. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
683 When you said you'd adopted a Cavalier King Charles, this wasn't what I'd imagined. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
684 But if you banish us, who will feed you? 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
685 Agreed, naming the cat Trump might not have been the best idea. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
686 I told you switching to Fancy Feast would go to his head. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
687 I think eating all this "Fancy Feast" has gone to his head... 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
688 'Puss and Boots 2' just went straight to video 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
689 Another hard day rounding up undocumented dogs. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
690 Snuggles, I don't care that your DNA test shows you are a Royal Siamese. We're sending it all back and I'm cancelling your Mastercard. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
691 Let them eat mice. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
692 He’s getting sleepy. Hurry up and ask your favor. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
693 He catches one little mouse and thinks he's king 1.2874 0.06521 87 69 11 7
694 Maybe we shouldn't have let him watch The Lion King. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
695 ...and when you're a star, they let you do anything. 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
696 He grabbed the wrong pussy. 1.2874 0.06521 87 69 11 7
697 Don't blame me, I didn't vote for the cat. 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
698 No, the crown does not make you look fat. 1.2874 0.05400 87 64 21 2
699 As far as we're concerned, your video did go viral. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
700 I've come to see you as more of an outdoor couple. 1.2874 0.06521 87 69 11 7
701 We have only ourselves to blame. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
702 It's your turn to dip the dead mice in chocolate. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
703 Maybe we need a hobby? 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
704 I told you not to name him Hamlet. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
705 Your father and I need to tell you something. . . you're adopted 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
706 The neighbor's dog showed him he doesn't really rule the animal kingdom. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
707 Remember, if Trump can be elected - you can be anything you want to be. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
708 Lord, the vet says you have fleas. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
709 This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted you to treat my pussy as royalty. 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
710 But wise one, if we slice the dog in half, will he not die? 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
711 Your turn in the jester outfit. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
712 We are Cat people. We're just not King Cat people. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
713 We're sorry. It never occurred to us that having a legitimate heir to the throne would mean so much to you. 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
714 We have some bad news, Tabby - it's actually just the lion that's the king of the jungle. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
715 Do you think, maybe, we might have become those sort of people? 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
716 I fear he's developed a bad case of Trump Complex. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
717 We never should've told him that he's related to lions. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
718 He's been binge watching Game of Thrones on the Cat Channel... 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
719 I told you naming him Donald would set the wrong expectations. 1.2841 0.06249 88 69 13 6
720 We don't like who you become after you've had Fancy Feast. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
721 We've decided to get a dog, and we're going to name him Rex. You might want to reconsider your attitude. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
722 I don't know how the Joneses do it with three! 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
723 We would like to take a couple of days vacation. What do you think? 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
724 I'm beginning to doubt that this is what the Pet Therapist had in mind. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
725 Do you want your kill au poivre or with bernaise sauce? 1.2824 0.05189 85 62 22 1
726 One way or another, we will bring you the head of The Red Dot. 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
727 He's just discovered Game of Thrones. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
728 I think the cat sitter spoils him. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
729 One too many canaries. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
730 Ok fine, no more binge watching Game of Thrones. 1.2824 0.06821 85 69 8 8
731 It's OK that you have no clothes. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
732 Don't tell us there wasn't a palace party - there was catnip everywhere and a palm tree in the cat box. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
733 But you tried to catch the mouse, and that's what counts. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
734 The veterinarian said it's the Trump effect. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
735 I'm sorry, but it's a constitutional monarchy. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
736 Since she got hooked on PBS, she identifies as Victoria, not Pussin-Boots. 1.2824 0.05452 85 63 20 2
737 The bad news is you're being neutered. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
738 We have reason to believe Rufus' death may not have been an accident. 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
739 Sure, he can govern. But how is he at catching mice? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
740 Do you think we let him watch The Lion King too often? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
741 I agree that the crowd at the Coronation was the largest ever! Just huge and you never looked better! 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
742 Should we tell him he's no longer sitting pretty? 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
743 It's not working. He's still ignoring us. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
744 You get nine lives, darling, not wives 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
745 I don't know what else you want from us 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
746 Do you think we might have spoiled him? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
747 It all started when he figured out how to tweet lies about the dog ... 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
748 I'm sorry sweetie, but I don't think "Let them eat Friskies" is an appropriate response. 1.2824 0.05452 85 63 20 2
749 I'm getting concerned. He wants to abdicate. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
750 OK, so maybe it's not the best of your nine, but surely we're in the top three 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
751 After he tweets he watches television all day. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
752 I'm leaving you for a man with a dog. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
753 Let's just be glad he's not into Breaking Bad. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
754 In terms of lives, you're now Henry the 9th. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
755 That Trump Brand (c) cat food really works! 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
756 Donald, We are sorry but Fox & friends is not on today 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
757 We need to talk.. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
758 There is unrest throughout the alley because you have sired too many heirs. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
759 I told you not to name her Princess! 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
760 We think you should stop binge-watching Game of Thrones. 1.2812 0.06481 64 48 14 2
761 We'll keep Rex outside but we're not putting him in chains. 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
762 Thank goodness we never had children. 1.2805 0.06556 82 65 11 6
763 So Rex, your analyst and I have been chatting... 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
764 That's the third vet he's fired this week. 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
765 We honestly had no idea eight lives would fly by that fast. 1.2805 0.06556 82 65 11 6
766 We may be the hoi polloi, but you do remember that you need us for food & water & stuff, right? 1.2805 0.06556 82 65 11 6
767 But we promise to be home by dinner. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
768 It's your turn to give him his foot massage. 1.2805 0.06556 82 65 11 6
769 So. You got your tongue? 1.2805 0.06782 82 66 9 7
770 But we agreed you'd return it after Halloween. 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
771 Where did you get the catnip ? 1.2805 0.06782 82 66 9 7
772 We can't behead the dog. 1.2805 0.06556 82 65 11 6
773 It's time you knew, Wigglesworth. You were adopted. 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
774 Don't worry. We can get more mice. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
775 He's been like this ever since the dog died. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
776 What kind of boots? 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
777 You have to stop binge watching ' Game of Thrones'. 1.2791 0.06750 86 70 8 8
778 We should never have let him watch Puss & Boots 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
779 Just a year ago he was feral & eating out of garbage cans! 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
780 We would like to discuss tonight's menu. 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
781 You'd really abdicate all this for an alley cat? 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
782 He's descended from Louis the Furteenth. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
783 I can never tell when he wants attention. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
784 It's your turn to rub his belly. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
785 Now can we pet you? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
786 tragically, all too soon, Gingerbread is feeling the futility of power 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
787 His kingdom for a mouse. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
788 YOU had to go and tell him this was a democracy! 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
789 You say it worked for the frog? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
790 Ok. So will you now please tell us where you put the remote? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
791 See why I hate cats. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
792 I need my boots! 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
793 Yes, Majesty, the cat next door will pay for the wall. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
794 ...pate en croute...coq au vin...ratatouille...blanquette de veau...bouillabaisse...or? 1.2771 0.04943 83 60 23 0
795 Now that Timmy's in college, you'll be taking his place in the family. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
796 Do you think he's seriously considering abdicating? 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
797 What ticks me off is how he just expects lifestyle improvements. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
798 We're thinking about getting a dog 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
799 Look, we bought you the crown but we didn't think you'd turn into an asshole. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
800 We would have made great parents. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
801 We shouldn't have named him Trump 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
802 We think you should imagine this conversation more as implied introspection, and not as an intrusive intervention. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
803 We're hoping you might consider cutting down just a bit on your catnip consumption. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
804 You should see his litter box. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
805 Seeing how he does rule the house, I thought, I'd make it official. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
806 Isn't this healthier than watching the current administration flatter the president? 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
807 Eight down, one to go. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
808 I could call the shelter, but I don't think they'll take him back. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
809 Just because we want children doesn’t mean we don’t love you. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
810 You can't become Queen dear. You've been fixed. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
811 Please accept the fact that being fixed means you have no heir to the throne. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
812 He fired his communications director... 1.2738 0.06416 84 67 11 6
813 We tried to tell you being king would be complicated. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
814 He just got his results back from Ancestry.com, and it turns out he's Egyptian royalty. 1.2738 0.06849 84 69 7 8
815 Relax. The dogs of war have been boarded. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
816 You have no heirs, Your Majesty, because... 1.2738 0.06636 84 68 9 7
817 No -- he's not "just a cat." 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
818 I liked him when he was just plain Henry. 1.2738 0.05449 84 63 19 2
819 He's gone through our entire supply of mouse jesters. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
820 I'm afraid letting her watch Game of Thrones with us for the last 6 years has gone to her head. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
821 We played along, but having the dog beheaded went too far. 1.2738 0.06636 84 68 9 7
822 I know you're bored, but we just can't afford a court jester. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
823 You'll have to abdicate if I let you out. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
824 We are not amused 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
825 There will be no heirs, you were neutered. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
826 What if we do something to make him feel special? 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
827 Fluffy, I'd like to introduce you to my new boyfriend Jake. I hope you two will get along. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
828 I told you that calling her "Princess" would go too far. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
829 He changed after we did his ancestry testing. 1.2716 0.05559 81 61 18 2
830 With all due respect, we'd like to discuss some type of power sharing arrangement. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
831 He says he's into Game Of Thrones but I caught him watching Fox News 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
832 Mom keeps saying we spoil him too much. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
833 I said, 'Well, you're not actually king of the beasts.' He's taking it poorly. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
834 I didn't know you were a cat person. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
835 Honey, don't be sad, Fat cat is just a term used for the rich and important. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
836 So then I thought, why not just make it official? 1.2716 0.07030 81 67 6 8
837 So no, neutral is a totally different thing. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
838 Would you be too upset if we went away for the weekend? 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
839 At least he's not tweeting about us. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
840 It was probably that thing about promising you'd catch more mice than the world had ever seen...thousands...millions... 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
841 Peel me a mouse. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
842 We should have had children. 1.2716 0.06807 81 66 8 7
843 Puissant, isn't he? 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
844 The dog wants his stuff back. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
845 You're right. We'd suck at raising kids. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
846 Can't you just try canned tuna? 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
847 We want to talk about your sense of white cat privilege 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
848 We know this will come as a disappointment, but 'Princess' is just a name. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
849 So, can we assume you prefer being an indoor cat? 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
850 You're just not merry enough to play Old King Cole. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
851 He wears indolence well don't you think? 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
852 What if we held a fur ball? 1.2716 0.06807 81 66 8 7
853 Do you think we're in his will? 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
854 Apparently he is not familiar with the concept of noblesse oblige. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
855 The dog is gone, my lord. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
856 What do you mean you're not getting more humans when we're gone? 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
857 Chicken or Fish? Take your time. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
858 Elect a clown. Expect a circus! 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
859 It's reigning cats, not dogs. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
860 I know it’s unsettling, but it’s true. We’re Democrats. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
861 We really think you'd be more fulfilled if you went outside and mingled with the commoners. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
862 Little does he know, he's the last of his line. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
863 I still don't understand why they call me a crazy cat lady. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
864 Caesar, we wanted to let you know we have adopted two new kittens, Brutus and Cassius. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
865 It's not as bad as you think - he is actually a very benevolent ruler. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
866 You're a cat, dear, not a corgi. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
867 Were we wrong to name him Donald? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
868 Its time we tell the cat it was born in an alley 1.2683 0.06952 82 68 6 8
869 The taxidermist called it the "royale package." 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
870 We're The Butlers. Not yours. 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
871 Where did President Trump grab you? 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
872 You need to stop with the videos and go out and play. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
873 The Lion King was just a cartoon. It's not real life… 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
874 I worry that we're spoiling her. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
875 I don't spoil him that much. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
876 Yes, we like you to think outside the box; just not the litter box. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
877 I'm sorry, but we're pregnant. You're going have to learn to share power. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
878 Losing the popular vote doesn't mean you're not popular. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
879 Too much catnip, your Highness? 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
880 Your dominion is the litter box. 1.2658 0.06909 79 65 7 7
881 It was your idea to name him Donald. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
882 Is that what you call giving my pussy the royal treatment? 1.2658 0.06909 79 65 7 7
883 Looks like you've grabbed your last pussy. 1.2658 0.06670 79 64 9 6
884 Actually, this just accentuates his everyday lack of clothing. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
885 It all started when you gave him Fancy Feast. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
886 Okay, belly rub, Jim will quarter the mice, then butt grooming, ignore us while you take nap number eight so that you'll be prepared to tear up the carpet at your usual 3:18AM; got it. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
887 Maybe you've gone astray. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
888 I don’t know- since he executed all of his enemies, drank their blood and then ate their children, he’s just lost his kitten playfulness. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
889 Cheer up, Liberace, your glitter litter is here! 1.2658 0.05002 79 58 21 0
890 Honey, we really should make sure we don't confuse catnip for weed. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
891 I liked his inferiority complex better. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
892 We're not going to sugarcoat it. We are not flying the Union Jack whenever you're in the house. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
893 We did tell the taxidermist to make him look regal. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
894 Since we let our cat rule us, does this mean we're liberals? 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
895 Maybe we shouldn't have named him Trumpie. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
896 That "grab 'em by the pussy" brag keeps coming back up like a hairball. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
897 The Vet thinks that neutering might help. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
898 Lion King is JUST a movie, Felix! 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
899 He's been like this ever since his video hit five million views 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
900 Well...how about line-caught salmon? 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
901 I Don't care who he thinks he is he still has to use the kitty litter box 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
902 I told you that Fancy Feast food would go to his head. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
903 This one isn't as subtle as the last one. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
904 If only my pussy was treated this well 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
905 I think we're spoiling him. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
906 I know "heavy is the head that wears the crown"-your job is still to catch mice. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
907 He has a very solid base among the alt-rat. 1.2658 0.06909 79 65 7 7
908 I told you we should have gotten a dog. 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
909 "Let them eat kibble." - Meowie Antoinette 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
910 Governing is a lot harder than he thought it's be. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
911 Our mistake was treating her like a queen. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
912 We should have thought about the line of succession before we had him neutered. 1.2658 0.06670 79 64 9 6
913 We need to stop showing him documentaries on Ancient Egpyt. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
914 Cheer up. At least you won for "Miss Congeniality"l 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
915 He didn't realize ruling the animal kingdom would be so hard. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
916 Your kingdom needs you to solve the mouse situation. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
917 The vet says it's PCD...post coronation depression. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
918 ...so instead the vet put us on some new meds to make us more sympathetic to his point of view. 1.2651 0.06433 83 67 10 6
919 Good thing, he lost the popular vote. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
920 Could we have one child? 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
921 Even though you're the King now, you can't just grab 'em by the pussy. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
922 So we have your permission to marry? 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
923 Fluffy, you have to stop making the dog eat cake. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
924 It's reigning cats. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
925 He has been watching Game of Thrones. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
926 Your highness, having 9 lives is more than most of us. 1.2642 0.07204 53 41 10 2
927 Canned it is. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
928 You think we've been a tad too indulgent? 1.2597 0.05359 77 58 18 1
929 I think he's developing an attitude. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
930 One of you needs to see a therapist. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
931 Shouldn't the king be wearing his pants? 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
932 And you thought a cat would be low maintenance. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
933 Hail, Kitty Kitty ... 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
934 So, just how are we supposed to come in on Little Cat Feet? 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
935 We have noticed you've been hitting the catnip more as of late. 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
936 The dog was one thing. But Dad's always been so nice to you. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
937 so, where did you lose your boots? 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
938 Not to worry. You have 8 more lives to establish your legacy 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
939 Worst case scenario: He reigns the whole four years. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
940 Now he communicates only by tweets. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
941 Maybe we should just give him some of my Xanax instead. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
942 I know... but he's a stray. And, I think he likes football. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
943 We should have never taken him to see the Lion King 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
944 And you're absolutely sure you don't know anything about Mrs. Keldorf's canary? 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
945 He wants to watch the Lion King, again. 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
946 They say, 'Uneasy lays the head that wears a crown.' My ass. 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
947 I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sick of bringing him dead mice. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
948 "Do you think it's time to have a kid? 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
949 We should have just had a child 1.2597 0.06768 77 63 8 6
950 He was more of an 'anything but a dog' choice. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
951 Honey, I thought we agreed on cremation. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
952 So now that you are truly king will you stop throwing up on the carpet? 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
953 What meddlesome mouse? 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
954 I agree, it's a bit much, but he did get rid of the mice. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
955 Sorry Bill, you must leave. The cat won. 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
956 His attitude is really starting to show. 1.2597 0.05359 77 58 18 1
957 The jester will be back from the vet's tomorrow. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
958 Yes, you were adopted, we should have told you sooner. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
959 You didn't hear it from me, but the dog and fish are planning a coup. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
960 Seriously, Dad... if you do post the video, PLEASE don't mention my name. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
961 What if Don got neutered too? 1.2597 0.06768 77 63 8 6
962 This is so typical of your generation. 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
963 This is number nine, and it was on her bucket list. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
964 Should we tell him we're getting a dog or let it be a surprise? 1.2597 0.06768 77 63 8 6
965 You're the one that got his DNA tested. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
966 Dethroning really isn't humane. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
967 Well, Donald, getting the job and doing the job require different talents. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
968 I think it was a mistake naming him, 'The Donald'. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
969 The emperor has no claws. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
970 I draw the line at beheading the dog. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
971 Just because you have little paws doesn't make you a king. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
972 He’s just a puppy, sure. But he’ll be dead long before your reign comes to an end. Ya know, because of the nine lives and everything? 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
973 He gets like this every time I date. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
974 All you have to do is wave. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
975 Newsweek called. They want to put you on the cover. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
976 You must understand it's our house ... your Highness? 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
977 Heavy the butt that wears the crown. 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
978 Do you think maybe we should take a break from Game of Thrones? 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
979 I really thought it was what he wanted. Maybe we should get him a Superman cape. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
980 I do believe the King has no clothes 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
981 I told you not to feed him. I told you not to make eye contact. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
982 Uneasy lies the cat that wears a crown 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
983 I think killing his own mice will be good for him. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
984 I told you that assertiveness class at the Humane Society was a bad idea. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
985 Your Majesty, we just got a dog, his name is George Washington. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
986 He's been like this ever since we switched the cat food to Fancy Feast 1.2568 0.05463 74 56 17 1
987 How many lives before succession goes to us? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
988 What complex? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
989 Who are these three blind mice you speak of. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
990 Yes, you're King, but you weren't actually voted in. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
991 Nobody said being top cat was going to be easy. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
992 And for just ten bucks more, the taxidermist threw in the crown. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
993 I'm afraid she'll turn out like a Lannister 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
994 But you're the king of the urban jungle. 1.2568 0.05113 74 55 19 0
995 About your attitude... 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
996 My psycharist says I'll stop seeing him after the medications start working. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
997 Son, let me explain 9 lives to you 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
998 You have to wait until she extends her paw to take it. 1.2568 0.05463 74 56 17 1
999 He’s been acting like this ever since he crawled off the president’s head. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
1000 Listen, you can't rule our lives, but you can sleep in the bed tonight. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1001 And just where did you exile the dog? 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1002 Roger and I would like to talk to you about the sudden spate of beheadings. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1003 But you're more than a figurehead to us, Pooky. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1004 I guess I'm just more of an egalitarian. You know, a dog person. 1.2568 0.05463 74 56 17 1
1005 Maybe if you didn't bat them around with your paws they'd respect you more. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1006 We've decided to get a dog. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1007 Do you think we pamper him enough? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1008 Catatonic? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1009 Well, I did tell the taxidermist he ruled the house. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1010 He looks exhausted, but he still has to preside over the upcoming Fur Ball. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1011 King of the living room is just as impressive as King of the Jungle. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1012 It hasn't changed him. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1013 I think we made some mistakes. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1014 She thinks she was Cleopatra in her last life. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1015 So now you want four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1016 We can't bring that mouse back to life, but we can buy you a new one. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1017 Are you sure it's just a phase? 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1018 I gotta say, I have a pet peeve. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1019 He left explicit instructions on how he'd like to be stuffed 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1020 But he's an out of control loser and you're hugely amazing! 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1021 A thousand pardons your majesty, but its time for your flea and tick treatment. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
1022 I don't care if he is one of your loyal subjects, you can't eat the goldfish. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1023 No, that's not how it works. The mice should not come to you. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1024 We're cat people, not the cat's people. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
1025 Do you really prefer regal to aloof? 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1026 Why does my cat allergy mean I'm the one who must be rehomed? 1.2568 0.07215 74 62 5 7
1027 Curiosity killed the last king 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1028 Look, we get it -- your press secretary quit, you had to fire your communications director, you lost a big vote in Congress, and everyone think the dogs were behind your election -- but that's no reason to go from two scoops of kibble to three. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1029 Just try being a cat. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1030 " There's no line of succession, he's getting fixed tomorrow". 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1031 Maybe we should take Her Highness to the Shelter to show her how the other cats live. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1032 We think you may have the wrong impression. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1033 Come on, it's just one mouse. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1034 Richard, I thought we had a deal. We bring you a horse, you give us back the house. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1035 Honestly that term "fat cat" was not a slur aimed at you personally. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1036 Maybe we shouldn't have named him "Rex." 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1037 Well, I suppose he's entitled enough to grab any pussy he wants. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1038 I'll call the vet. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1039 The vet says it's Stage 4 Ennuie. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1040 First the crown; now the man-spreading... 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1041 My final decree, all my catnip will be medicinal, not recreational. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
1042 We know you've been following the news, but this household is still a democracy. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1043 I warned him it would be lonely at the top, but he's become inconsolable. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1044 I know it's not much but it's all we could afford. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1045 I wonder about his other eight lives. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1046 Maybe a cat scan would get to the bottom of your royal displeasure. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
1047 Please, Princess. It's wild, sustainable fish, not farm raised. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1048 Your mother was a Tabby 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1049 My mistake, your meowjesty. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1050 If I had to guess, I'd say he ate the whole tub of Imperial margarine. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1051 The pet store told me it was excellent catnip! 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1052 William and Kate said positively not. Harry's still a maybe. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1053 You promised to make cats great again. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1054 We need to talk about the royal litter box, Your Majesty. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1055 maybe we should have had kids. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1056 Where is Mommy's smartphone? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1057 His kingdom for a mouse. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
1058 I knew he shouldn't have read, "The Art of the Deal" 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1059 You just now realized it is all ceremonial? 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1060 No one told me this herding Congressional cats would be so hard. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1061 The vet says that it's gout. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1062 I promise, we said 'Kitty Leader'. 1.2568 0.05463 74 56 17 1
1063 How did Donald Trump's cat get in here? 1.2568 0.07215 74 62 5 7
1064 And Mr. Snugglepaws wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1065 The vet is pushing military school. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1066 Maybe we've been a bit overindulgent. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1067 I know there's a 'me' in 'meow', but this is getting ridiculous. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
1068 Bring me the little red dot! 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1069 You won't believe his litter box. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1070 What do you mean I am fat? My crown still fits. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1071 I don't know how to tell you this but we're getting a dog. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
1072 I told you a cat would be a royal pain. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
1073 OK, forget about the crown. Tell us who sold you the cape? 1.2549 0.07326 51 40 9 2
1074 The taxidermist installed a 'purr' box. Go ahead, squeeze his paw. 1.2533 0.06601 75 61 9 5
1075 Do you think he would be happier if he knew how to Tweet? 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
1076 Come on, even the King of England had trouble with public speaking. 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
1077 I think we need to talk. 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
1078 His therapist said it will help his esteem issues. 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
1079 You do realize that the real king of the jungle is infested with lice, sleeps outside and has to do a lot of running and jumping in order to eat? 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
1080 How would you feel about our having a baby? 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
1081 We told you to be careful what you wish for, Donald! 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
1082 We should have never let her binge watch "The Crown." 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
1083 His phycologist suggested affirmation therapy after the toilet paper incident. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
1084 Wake up. Your litter awaits 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
1085 Your mother and I think it's about time you pulled more weight around here. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1086 A house cat wasn't good enough, you had to get a House of Windsor cat. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1087 I feel like she's rubbing our nose in it now. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
1088 It happened when I introduced the new kitten to him 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1089 We know it won't make up for the neutering, but it's the best we can do. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1090 I know, sweetie. It's sad to realize you can't be whatever you want to be if you just try hard enough. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1091 He was hoping to become the first pet in the Trump White House. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1092 Nobody's accusing anyone yet, we're just talking about hairballs in general. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1093 "Think about it, Tigger -- is this really what you want to with your nine lives? 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1094 We're just saying it's hard to establish a dynasty when you're neutered 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
1095 Don't worry. We hold the real power as long as we have the yarn ball and the laser pointer. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1096 Sure, he can do a mean "King Lear," but he'll always be "Fifi" to me. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1097 You were right, neutering him years ago would have been a better. 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
1098 His scepter? No, have you looked under the sofa? 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1099 He made the litter box great again. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1100 I just think he'd feel more supported if we gave him an elected position instead. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
1101 Do you think we're overcompensating? 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1102 Stupid DNA test. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1103 His father was a real estate developer. He's ever scratched or clawed for anything. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
1104 Honey, if you're not having any fun, it's O.K. with Mommy if you want to go back to being a regular cat. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1105 The vet's seen this before, but only in small-pawed orange cats. Fortunately it doesn't last long. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1106 Ever since he got his genealogy test results he's been acting like this. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1107 I told him that four and twenty blackbird pie was too much! 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1108 Ever since we had him neutered, he's been depressed about his line of succession. 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
1109 Puss, the boots have walked on. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1110 I know she's failed to produce a male heir your majesty, but do we really need to put her down? 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1111 Maybe we should just get a dog. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
1112 Such a fascinating case of feline depression. Totally non responsive to the feather on a string? Nothing with the laser pointer either? And who could this Timon and Pumbaa be he keeps referring to? 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1113 Daddy's going to have a puppy 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1114 Sire, it appears the kingdom is out of catnip. 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
1115 'It just doesn't FEEL like I'm ruling the world' 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1116 Yeah, but tomorrow she'll be the Queen of Spayeds... 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1117 The mice seem to sense that you've lost your killer instinct. 1.2500 0.07063 72 60 6 6
1118 Are you thinking about your feral days? 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
1119 We "took care of" the dog. What else? 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1120 We have GOT to stop watching Game of Thrones 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1121 Uneasy is the cat who wears the crown 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
1122 We know you'll end up loving the new kitten.... 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1123 OK, no more binge watching Game of Thrones. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
1124 Maybe I shouldn't have breastfed him. 1.2500 0.07066 68 56 7 5
1125 I know, I know, but otherwise he throws litter at you. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1126 I don't think she's as into making cute cat videos as you are. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
1127 I ask for your mercy and hereby promise to never again leave the seat down. 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
1128 How have we gone from a "cat in the cradle and a silver spoon" to this? 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
1129 His coming out was no real surprise. 1.2500 0.07063 72 60 6 6
1130 I think he's an indoor cat. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
1131 Begging your pardon Your Highness but, would this be a good time to discuss the mouse under the kitchen sink? 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1132 What do you mean by, 'Just let them eat mice?' 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
1133 We can't exile the dog. The kids like him. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
1134 We've should've never got him that PetSmart giftcard. 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
1135 It's a good thing we never had kids. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1136 We believe that the dog may be planning a coup. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1137 Well, as for succession, there's still the small matter of that surgery... 1.2466 0.06974 73 61 6 6
1138 We just want you to know how difficult financial planning is with your nine lives 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1139 Looking back now, reading "Hey Diddle Diddle" to a cat named Nero may not have been fully thought-out. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
1140 His majesty's first edict is to legalize catnip 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1141 Four and twenty blackbirds were too many to eat all at once, King Tom. 1.2466 0.05441 73 56 16 1
1142 Of course he looks worried. Nine lives...Henry VIII. You do the math. 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
1143 Just like his father. 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
1144 First, the dog goes 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1145 Your majesty, it's just not royal of you to poop outside of your litter box. 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
1146 Dogs have masters, cats have staff. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1147 Pride and Paunch 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
1148 How long do you think it will take for them to realize he's dead? 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
1149 You know, you're not the only pussy with leadership problems right now. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1150 Just how am I spoiling Rex? 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
1151 The emperor is wearing no clothes. 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
1152 I knew letting him on the bed that first time was a mistake. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1153 Your Highness, the dog humbly requests a lower number on his shock collar. 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
1154 I told Princess Fluffy we were getting a puppy. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1155 Governing is much harder than he thought it'd be. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1156 We need to talk about where your majesty pees 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1157 He says this place is a dump, but he's not even trying to hit the litter box. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1158 Your majesty, we are all out of milk... 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
1159 Naming her Cersei might have been a mistake. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1160 Un-neuter me, then maybe we'll talk. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1161 It's supposed to boost his self-esteem. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1162 Any second now. He will tell us what to do. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1163 He must be sitting on the remote 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1164 How come every time you do catnip you become such a drama queen? 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1165 His ancestry kit said he was part Siamese... 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1166 The vet says megalomania isn't rare in cats. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1167 Initially we imagined the royal litter box as a harmless incentive. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1168 What, you think your kitty litter don't stink? 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1169 He's in over his whiskers... 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
1170 The vet recommends Prozac for his depression but says there isn't a lot we can do about his grandiosity. 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
1171 He's still mad that he lost the popular vote. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1172 He made the hamster dress up as a court jester before eating him. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1173 Her mewjesty has been this way since the DNA results came back feral. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1174 'No, you can't fire us' 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1175 No. I don't care if You Tube thinks you're hilarious. I'm not wearing this thing. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1176 I don't care what they did in Egypt, I'm done being his servant. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1177 Honestly Geoffrey, you never approve of any of my friends. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1178 Should we bring him in for fleas and God complex? 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1179 I told you not to name her Princess! 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
1180 Okay, maybe we have been spoiling him. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1181 I don't think the meal was fit for a king. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1182 Don't complain! We warned you of the responsibilities. 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
1183 I know you picked up a taxidermy hobby but you didn't have to kill my cat. 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
1184 Well, it was your idea to name him Balthus. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1185 The red dot eludes me. I am a failure. Bring me hemlock, my lady. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1186 I think we should put him on Prozcat. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1187 They were out of emperor penguins 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1188 He says we have to start using the litter box. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1189 Shouting, "Off with their heads!" will not solve our mice problem. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1190 No, Whiskers, you are not the king of France. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1191 We didn't realize at the time how important heirs were going to be. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1192 Maybe we should give him back his phone. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1193 Henry's on his Eighth life. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1194 So I guess the 'king of the jungle' thing didn't work out? 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1195 I think he's been watching too much Game of Thrones 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
1196 All we're asking is that you acknowledge that "cat privilege" is a thing. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1197 We named you "Simba" ironically. You're not even a lion. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1198 You should see his litter box. 1.2429 0.07176 70 59 5 6
1199 Yes, very regal but is he house trained? 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1200 We have a royal problem here. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
1201 We're not literally knocking you off your throne. We're just going to exert a little more authority so you don't make all the rules around here. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1202 I think he's drunk with power. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1203 Maybe a non-orange cat wouldn't have these delusions of grandeur. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
1204 Would it have been better not to let him watch all those reruns of "The Apprentice." 1.2407 0.07447 54 44 7 3
1205 Promise me you won't binge watch Game of Thrones with him ever again. 1.2400 0.06532 75 62 8 5
1206 Your Majesty, consider your legacy. Kill the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built! 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
1207 Sorry, but we're not putting turrets on the litter box. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
1208 They're calling it "entitlement malaise". 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1209 It was your idea to take him to "The Lion King"! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1210 He's been beheading local rodents he feels are a threat. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1211 I warned you at the shelter the orange male would be trouble. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1212 This happens every time the dog goes to the groomers. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1213 We think it's time you had one of your staff clean the litter box. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1214 I meant throne as a euphemism for litter box 1.2394 0.06792 71 59 7 5
1215 We need to talk about our plans for your royal 'family jewels.' 1.2394 0.06792 71 59 7 5
1216 The system is rigged to benefit the fat cats. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1217 Let him have his birthday moment; he goes to the vet tomorrow. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1218 We should never have named him Donald. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1219 I didn't dress him like that. Did you? 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1220 Let's have no more talk of abdication. It's just a very small puppy. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1221 Heavy meows the head that wears the crown! 1.2394 0.05101 71 54 17 0
1222 Head of the House of Whisker 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1223 OK, your meow-jesty. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1224 We exist only to serve you, but the dog is disputing your claim to the throne. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1225 Are you sure the DNA test was accurate? I find it hard to believe that our cat is related to Louis XIV of France. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1226 And to think we found him in an alley! 1.2394 0.07082 71 60 5 6
1227 ...oh, and he wants the parrot drawn and quartered. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
1228 We should get him some shorts. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1229 Sorry, but you really can't fire the dog. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
1230 But he's sorry. Really, really sorry. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1231 Our relationship was never the same after grandma left her money to Mittens. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1232 There is no easy way to tell you this, so here goes: we're having a baby. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1233 Won't somebody rid me of these meddlesome owners? 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1234 This is why we advised against catnip brownies at the coronation after-party. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1235 No, I don't think we spoil her. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1236 It's top-cat ennui. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
1237 The mice are calling for your head. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1238 We didn't realize you were lactose-intolerant. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1239 Listen, we accept that cats can be difficult, but we are absolutely not bowing... 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1240 I told you we shouldn't have let him watch "Game of Thrones". 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1241 I'm sorry but "the Iron Throne, kitty version" was sold out. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1242 The Lion King really created a lot of expectations. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
1243 "Do you notice something different about him since we switched to Trump kibble? 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
1244 We've called this house meeting to discuss your inability to respect your fellow housemates. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1245 No, even with the robe you'll shed, so you can't sit on the furniture. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
1246 Well, since you're a cat, chances of voter fraud are low. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
1247 Are we done watching "King of Thrones?" 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
1248 We humbly ask your forgiveness for presenting dry food to you 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1249 Just tell us what to do. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
1250 We've let this happen. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1251 Now is the summer of his content. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
1252 You still need to go to the vet just like everyone else. 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1253 That's the last time you get any catnip. 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1254 So this is what you meant by "Must worship cats." 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
1255 Game of Thrones has gone to her head. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
1256 Off with his nuts 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1257 Hmmm....let them eat catnip 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1258 It seems in ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; Prima Donald here has not forgotten this. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1259 He still doesn't look happy. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
1260 Oh no, the cat's been watching CNN again. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
1261 He says he's a dog in a cat's body. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1262 Well somebody has to tell him we are getting a dog 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1263 We'll have to buy another canary before Molly gets home from school. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1264 Look, we know the catnip is yours. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
1265 Maybe we shouldn't have named him Henry. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1266 She married Prince William. They've got kids. It's time to move on. 1.2361 0.06706 72 60 7 5
1267 I think he knows I'm pregnant. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1268 I think he's finally realized that he can't produce an heir. 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1269 We think it's time that you looked for a job... 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1270 It's done nothing for his posture. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1271 I'm worried. He hasn't issued a decree since we had him neutered. 1.2361 0.05040 72 55 17 0
1272 We can change your name, Kitty, but "Pussy King" is a "no." 1.2361 0.06706 72 60 7 5
1273 I know you felt bad when you yelled at him earlier but this is a little much. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
1274 Do you think he's depressed? 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1275 You wouldn't believe what I had to do to the litterbox. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
1276 He's lost interest in everything now that he's got us trained. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
1277 He thinks his kitty litter don't stink 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1278 We're sorry, we didn't know the new kitten would stage a coup. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1279 We regret, Your Highness, that we have not been able to find the four and twenty blackbirds for your dinner pie. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1280 I would prefer the King Charles Spaniel. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1281 I can't believe we've been let go. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1282 You weren't supposed to eat the blackbirds. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1283 Really, your kingdom for a mouse? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1284 Sorry, Smokey, but cats do NOT have nine wives. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1285 Fetch me my litter box. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1286 Well this explains the mouse-sized guillotine. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1287 Off the furniture, guys. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1288 Yes He's happy but I think he's worried the mice may released the transcripts about his meeting with the Tigers. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1289 Times have changed. They no longer own us. They just rule us. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1290 Pardon us, your Majesty, but you're no longer able to produce an heir. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1291 I casually told the taxidermist he was our little prince. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1292 I think we need to cut back on his catnip. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1293 Our therapist said we shouldn't have a cat-centered marriage. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1294 You're not alone in preferring 'The Lion King' over 'Cats.' 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1295 at least he doesn't think he's God. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1296 Your mother was right. All those early years of us fawning over him would eventually lead to this pathetic state of entitlement 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1297 You still can't go outside. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1298 We are just trying to make you feel good about yourself. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1299 I told you this might happen if we named him Trump. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1300 Well, the shelter did describe him as "majestic." 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1301 He's everything we hoped he'd be. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1302 What possible difference could one little baby make? 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1303 I didn't realize that he was paying so much attention when we watch 'Game Of Thrones.' 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1304 I guess checking the pet-included option on Airbnb wasn't such a good idea. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1305 How did you think the dogs would react when you said, 'Let them drink toilet water'? 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1306 We know it's a lot to ask, but if you could just see your way clear to allow us to sleep in one morning? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1307 The Royal Pet Spa has given him delusions of grandeur. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1308 It began to go wrong when we started buying the organic mice. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1309 I should have known better than to let him binge watch reruns of "Game of Thrones." 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1310 I think the Fancy Feast has gone to his head. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1311 Thing is, Bob doesn't like to be called "The Gentleman Scooper of the Poop Chamber 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1312 That's what we get for naming him "King." 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1313 ... and as my first order as king you will clean my litter box hourly, not weekly as you foul peasants have treated me 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1314 He will let us stay here if we pay the rent. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1315 My family has always named our cats "Louis." This is Louis XIV. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1316 NOW will you stop peeing outside the box? 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1317 At least she's past the Egyptian goddess phase. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1318 Sorry, Puss, the jesters all work in the White House now. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1319 He insists we call his food dishes Camilla Parker Bowls. 1.2353 0.07293 68 58 4 6
1320 Bob agrees. We would like you to shit in the little box. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1321 I'm worried the attention's going to his head. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1322 Everything he touches turns to tuna. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1323 She has been like this since November. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1324 I think the Fancy Feast has gone to his head. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1325 Cheer up! We said de-claw, not de-throne. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1326 I guess we could just give her whatever she wants like other cat owners do. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1327 I suppose we were foolish to hope he'd become more kingly. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1328 Do you think it's gout? 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1329 We might have been wrong to deny him an heir. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1330 What? Buy the boots too? 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1331 We were wondering if it would be alright if we went out tonight? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1332 Heavy lies the cat. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1333 He only wears the crown after he drinks too much. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1334 Your mother was right. We should have adopted a dog. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1335 If he accepts you as one of his subjects, we can set a wedding date. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1336 I've always heard cats rule humans but I think he's taking it too far. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1337 We shouldn't have named him Princess. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1338 How do you think we'll ever tell him that he basically has no clothes? 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1339 This morning he tweeted this place is a dump 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1340 She's been listless ever since the Brexit vote. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1341 He isn't the same since that mouse told him he was naked. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1342 Give her credit, she did win the popular vote. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1343 Well, he's eaten all of his loyal subjects, so what's next? 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1344 We see your point but executing Patches is a bit harsh. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1345 Mittens, it's time we talk about your Game of Thrones habit. 1.2353 0.05182 68 52 16 0
1346 I knew we should have gone with the popular vote. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1347 I told you we shouldn't name him Donald. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1348 For your own good, we've decided there will be no more binge-watching of The Lion King. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1349 I told you the Fancy Feast was a bad idea. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1350 The dog is requesting a visa extension. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1351 Of course you're depressed. But we're here to help put that Owl incident behind you. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1352 Remember when HE would bring mice to US? 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1353 He's become so full of himself since his video went viral 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1354 We feel you're becoming a royal pain... 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1355 I blame the curiosity. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1356 But we can't afford caviar more than twice a week. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1357 Weren't you scheduled to be meeting with the delegation of small, woodland creatures? 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1358 He beheaded a mouse yesterday. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1359 And that is how I became King of the U.S. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1360 You're going to have to accept the fact that your realm extends only to your litter box. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1361 Regal Cat Litter said they want to go in a different direction. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1362 But really--who rescued who? 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1363 The breeder said it was a Persian-Targaryen mix. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1364 He's been like that ever since Trump grabbed him. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1365 This was more amusing when he was just a candidate for adoption 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1366 Who voted for this cat?! 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1367 The taxidermist really captured his essence, wouldn't you say? 1.2353 0.07293 68 58 4 6
1368 Honey, we shouldn't have kids. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1369 Being dumped before prom isn't the worst thing in the world. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1370 No, you cannot behead the dog! 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1371 Domestication has taken its toll. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1372 We feel, Mr. Miffles, that, as the family pet, you are entitled to our best truth; so Bruce and I felt compelled to let you know, that, fond as we are of you, and in spite of our very real affections, you're just not all that. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1373 I've talked with Mildred Peirce. Her cat Max had a problem with catnip abuse. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1374 He's been like this ever since seeing the Lion King. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1375 I told you not to give him canned food. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1376 We respectfully remind you that your authority is not plenary. Every effort will be made to keep Buddy out of your bowl and the Bashful Box. There can be no execution. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1377 Look, Harry, it's 'The cat's in the cradle AND the silver spoon,' and it isn't meant to be taken literally... 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1378 The Emperor has no clothes! 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1379 We should have never named the cat Trump. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1380 Is it true you told the pet psychic that we 'bore' you? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1381 It's the tweeting that concerns us most. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1382 I think we over did it on the Fancy Feast... 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
1383 Can you put the throne and crown away? We have friends coming over in 30 minutes and don't want them to know who really rules this home. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1384 And to think he traded away a good horse. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1385 He's acted like this ever since his video went viral. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1386 We should have never let him watch The Lion King. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1387 What do you mean, you feel neglected? 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1388 This is the 5th day he has refused Tuna. Please give him his phone again. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
1389 On the bright side: he is castle-trained. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1390 He says he won't wear the boots until he gets his own closet 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
1391 So "pick up the royal litter" isn't a "chair" reference? 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1392 Would you mind if we took a vacation? 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
1393 Had we known, we never would have neutered you. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1394 Do you want to tell him or should I? 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
1395 Sorry, but catching a mouse will only get you so far. 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
1396 I am actually more concerned about the way he's been ordering the mice to amuse him. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
1397 We had to call off the hunt. Mice are now an endangered species. 1.2319 0.06892 69 58 6 5
1398 It's the ennui. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1399 He couldn't care less about the mice. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1400 Maybe a seventeen-day vacation would help. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1401 Not what you expected? 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1402 C'mon. You can tell us where the mice are hiding. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1403 He's been watching National Geographic's special on lions again. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1404 We promise: Nothing but locally sourced, organic treats from now on. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1405 Wouldn't a pair of boots be nice , too? 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1406 He's establishing a hierarchy I'm not comfortable with. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1407 It's good to be cat! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1408 Tell us what happened to Kitty Boleyn. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1409 Apologies, Sire, but commoners are forbidden to lick your fur for you. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1410 . . . or we could just let him be a cat. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1411 In hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have named him Donald. 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1412 He thinks he's Donald Trump 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1413 Big deal,she got a mouse. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1414 The vet says it's Advanced Feline Affluenza. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1415 He's a rescue from a coup de chat. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1416 I just don't think we should have to pay an exterminator to get rid of the mice. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1417 Don't worry, your highness, the new kitten will only be a duke. 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1418 They've taken away his tweeter. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1419 But if we let you outside and something bad does happen, what do we tell your 35k followers on Instagram? 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1420 I guess this get-up's not making up for getting him fixed. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1421 Coronation ball... dancing till the wee hours. We told you boots were the wrong choice. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1422 King is as high as it goes. 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1423 We have decided that a goldfish would be more in line with our progressive values. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1424 I was hoping for a mouser. 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1425 Dry cat food is not treason. 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1426 But is he fulfilled? 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1427 So much for switching from dry food to tuna. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1428 Is it the ennui? 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1429 But lots of families have a cat and a dog. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1430 I wish we were dog people 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1431 The superhero outfit would be more slimming. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1432 We just found out he's descended from Charlemagne's cat. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1433 He staunchly refuses to abdicate. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1434 I told you not to name him Trump 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1435 But he didn't win the popular vote. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1436 I worry he has lost touch with the people. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1437 He learned this from you, George! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1438 We're here to negotiate terms for Fido to return to the house. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1439 Maybe we should get him a jester. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1440 The taxidermist really ran with the "regal" thing, eh? 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1441 I think the trust fund Mom left him is getting to his head! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1442 I guess all that's missing are the boots... 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1443 We won't think any less of you if you want to abdicate. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1444 Shall we tell him about the baby 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1445 I told you we shouldn't let her watch 'Game of Thrones'.... 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1446 He's been this way since he went paleo. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1447 Where did we go wrong? 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1448 Hairy is the head that wears the crown. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1449 Your DNA indicates you're thirty-seven percent sloth. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1450 You can have your iPhone back after you clean out your litter box. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1451 Ask yourself...what would Cersei do? 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1452 It only confirms what we already knew! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1453 The diagnosis is royal ennui. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1454 Most cats just THINK they rule the house! 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1455 It's not Camelot if you're the only one playing. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1456 Pretending to be King is tiring. I do not know how Donald does it. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1457 He's been taking that catnip from Amsterdam again. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1458 We should never have switched to Fancy Feast. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1459 It's an abdication or divorce. You pick. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1460 We could have a mouse beheading. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1461 Morning tweet from the king: For the protection of cats we will erect a tremendous dog-proof wall on all of our borders and the dogs will pay for it. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1462 It's your turn to clean out the chamber pot. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1463 How about we drop the 2% and go to whole milk? 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1464 It’s not funny—she’ll be mortified when the catnip wears off. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1465 He was fixed to prevent any heirs to the crown. 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1466 He just proclaimed it's time to clean the litter box. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1467 The best thing about a live-in monarch is you don't take the one in Washington so seriously. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1468 It's always been lonely at the top. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1469 Daddy, I thought I was your little princess! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1470 Le Meeow, c'est moi. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1471 It was a mistake to name him Donald... 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1472 I think it's time we stop feeding him the fancy feast... 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1473 I hate to say I told you so, but 'Rex' is a dog's name. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1474 Shame of thrones. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1475 Maybe if we get him a smaller crown, he could at least sit up straight. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1476 Not the royal pussy treatment I had in mind. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1477 Heirs or no heirs, tomorrow you get spayed. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1478 King size bed? 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1479 Your Fancy Feast days are done — back to Friskies. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1480 didn't even make it a week in the White House; the President tweeted that he was too territorial 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1481 Catnip is a hell of a drug. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1482 All those "views" of his YouTube videos have gone to his head. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1483 I knew we shouldn’t have let him read Animal Farm. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1484 But, we simply just can't banish all dogs 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1485 At least we don't have to pay for his education 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1486 We both thought family intervention was needed and have made an appointment for you with Dr. Seuss. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1487 But you ate all of the mice. How about some well done steak with ketchup? 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1488 Well, if Majesty forbids us to watch Mommy and Daddy's program, then Majesty will just have to go to bed without Majesty's 'Tender Nibbles.' Right, Paul? He'll just have to go to bed without his 'Tender Nibbles.' 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1489 I'm sorry, I don't know any more dog jokes. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1490 But the polls were fake news! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1491 She wants to change her name to Cersei. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1492 If it please my liege, this is my new boyfriend, Dan. 1.2273 0.05629 66 52 13 1
1493 He wishes he were King of Siam. 1.2273 0.06403 66 54 9 3
1494 The numbers are in - your approval rating with the mice has plummeted since you ate one. 1.2273 0.06403 66 54 9 3
1495 Are we sure we didn't spoil him? 1.2273 0.06028 66 53 11 2
1496 I told him he had 'nine lives'. He heard 'six wives'. 1.2273 0.06028 66 53 11 2
1497 Quick, grab my pussy! 1.2273 0.07094 66 56 5 5
1498 We're sorry, but the Humane Society doesn't check for claims to the throne before their procedures. 1.2273 0.05629 66 52 13 1
1499 He blames us for not preparing him to be an outside cat. 1.2273 0.06028 66 53 11 2
1500 Yes, you rule the world. No, you can't be "unfixed". 1.2273 0.07873 44 36 6 2
1501 Unfortunately, you've become so lethargic that even the mice are concerned. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
1502 Do you think if we changed the cat food it would make a difference? 1.2239 0.06665 67 56 7 4
1503 It's your own fault -- YOU named him "Trump." 1.2239 0.06665 67 56 7 4
1504 That had better be faux fur! 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
1505 He wants to play the lead in King Richard III. 1.2239 0.06316 67 55 9 3
1506 Can I get you anything else? A mouse, a bird, a lizard? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1507 We have gold plated the litter box, sire. Have you any further commands? 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1508 When we get him declawed, maybe we can get him dethroned as well? 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
1509 I thought it would make our living room great again. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1510 OhTrumpcat, I'm sure things will get better. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1511 Are you sure this is what she meant by cat sitting? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1512 Henry started acting a little peculiar when he'd used up 8 of his lives 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1513 I told you Rex was a bad name for a cat. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1514 Your taxidermy skills are impressive, but I'm taking my cat and leaving. Don't call me for a second date. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1515 Why don't you just play with string? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1516 I don't think he took the idea of getting a dog very well. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1517 You just had to name her Queen. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1518 Suppose we said "please." 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1519 Another tax on the dog? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1520 We no longer have room in our lives for your ego. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1521 Concentrate--the audition is tomorrow. It's 'Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown', not 'Purr, purr, purr' 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1522 We changed it to Caturday, what else can we do? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1523 If I...were the king...of the foooootreeeeeeeest! 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1524 Henry the Ninth 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1525 We promise not to watch Game of Thrones without you ever again. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1526 Honey, we'd like to talk about your attitude. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1527 We'll appeal to his Instagram fan base to kick it off right after the indictment.. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1528 But you won the popular vote in this house. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1529 Think we should cut back on the foie gras? 1.2222 0.05280 63 49 14 0
1530 He's been like this since the dog died. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1531 We're getting a dog. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1532 We are telling you for the last time, Game of Thrones is not real and I will not kill the neighbour's cat because you said so. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1533 We're thinking of switching you back to kibble. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1534 Sorry. There just aren't any sequels to Cat in the Hat. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1535 How did your audition for Game of Thrones go? 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1536 No, we can't let you kill all the dogs in the neighborhood 1.2222 0.06915 72 62 4 6
1537 maybe we should have had kids. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1538 The new kitten, like us, will just be part of your Court; nothing else, we promise. 1.2222 0.05280 63 49 14 0
1539 I knew we should have gotten a dog. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1540 He who has never learned to obey can ever be a good leader. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1541 "So how long is your palace being renovated for? 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1542 The YouTube royalties have really gone to his head 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1543 We're sorry. The laser battery is dead. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1544 If it please your highness, we would like to retire for the night. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1545 What's up Pussycat? 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1546 I don't know why he won't answer to Tom. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1547 He's been like that since fat cats took over the White House. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1548 Well, then describe how you think a more genuine apology really should sound. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1549 Would a little mouse pate' make you feel better? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1550 You need to find a job. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1551 We're a democracy no more. 1.2222 0.05280 63 49 14 0
1552 You suppose we could use him in an Fancy Feast commercial? 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1553 Well, it still SMELLS like a litter box 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
1554 I know you've been an only child for years, but we want you to love the new puppy too! 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1555 Your appointment with the Vet should eliminate any false Paternity claims 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1556 Whose turn is it to humor me next, people? 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1557 It's over. We're getting a dog. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1558 I think it was a mistake to feed him 'Pedigree' all these years. 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
1559 And to think he's still on his first life... 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1560 At least she doesn't tweet 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1561 And, we've put the children up for adoption. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1562 Just to be clear – We bow both before and after we feed you? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1563 He is not amused. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1564 You are still the king of our jungle. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1565 I'm feline mighty fine. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1566 Yours really is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1567 It's supposed to be "raining" not "reigning". 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1568 Mum and Dad still love you very much. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1569 I warned you he'd become a royal pain. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1570 We need to call Dr. Phil. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1571 We'll give you back your Twitter when you stop behaving like a cat. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1572 No more watching "Game of Thrones" for you. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1573 Your Majesty, your subjects are demanding a reduction in royal hairballs. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1574 The vet says he has delusions of being Donald Trump. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1575 We've been over this before. You can't smoke your pipe in here, and we can't afford to keep the fiddlers three. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1576 A gecko beheading has taken place on the porch. Is there anything you would like to tell us? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1577 And the dog's name is Rex. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1578 The mice have revolted and demanded his abdication 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1579 He has been this way every since he licked the Imperial margarine. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1580 The Donald called, he wants his crown back. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1581 I dare you to scratch the royal belly. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1582 We should lay off the Fancy Feast for a while. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1583 I knew he was going to London to visit the Queen, but I didn't expect this. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1584 Apparently the Lobster Au Gratin had overtones of mouse. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1585 We were thinking you might like a dog to hiss at. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1586 His Highness appears to be catatonic. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1587 Should we return him to Mar-a-Lago. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1588 Maybe we're actually dog people. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1589 When they came up with the bit about "nine lives," they didn't factor in the six wives. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1590 In the end it will be his mewbris that brings him down. 1.2188 0.06853 64 54 6 4
1591 When did it start being all about him? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1592 You're the one who asked the Genie to give us something better than the government we have today. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1593 Yes, you have nine lives, but you were not a king in your past life. That's not how it works, Tommy. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1594 Do you think we spoil him? 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1595 I don't think "here kitty, kitty" is goin' to work. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1596 I told you we should have gotten a dog. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1597 Yes, you killed your father and slept with your mother, but it's our fault for naming you Rex. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1598 Apparently he was next in feline of succession. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1599 What did I say about feeding him Fancy Feast? 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1600 Please, we've done everything you asked, now where's Fido? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1601 Please let us go outside...we promise not to jay walk...or get into any fights. 1.2188 0.06853 64 54 6 4
1602 He's an indoor cat. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1603 Let's not pussy-foot around anymore. It's time for a coup! 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1604 Would a Fabergé scepter cheer you up? 1.2188 0.06853 64 54 6 4
1605 Maybe we should have gone with a rescue, instead of a purebred. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1606 About your royal licking... 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1607 Oh no. Our fat cat is tired of winning too. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1608 invading the johnsons is fraught with danger, your majesty. They have dogs. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1609 Yes, we got a kitten, but think of it as succession planning. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1610 He claims he has a divine right for his favourite spot. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1611 2 million Facebook views and 3 million Instagram views is not enough, master? 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1612 We actually bought this cat? 1.2188 0.06853 64 54 6 4
1613 Looks like Cat King Cole has been into the catnip again. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1614 Well, I guess this makes it official. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1615 Where did we go wrong? 1.2188 0.06853 64 54 6 4
1616 You should see the cat box! 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1617 Trump's influence is everywhere. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1618 From now on, she wants to be called, "Miss Puddytat Lion-born of House Purrgareyan, First of Her Name, Queen of the Seven Cul-de-sacs, the Unspayed, Mother of Kittens." 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1619 I hope now you see why I wanted to get a dog. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1620 Princess is just a name, not a title! 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1621 Don't take this wrong, but we're adding a couple of Dobermans to our family. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1622 No, honey, you wanted to name him Trump! 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1623 It's not me; it's your cat. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1624 We thought you should know that Winter is coming, He's a Great Dane/Boxer mix. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1625 Before adopting Mr. Nibbles we thought Machiavelli's The Prince was satire. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1626 As your advisors, we thought all the catnip was getting in the way of your official duties. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1627 I can’t believe we now have a malignant narcissist at home 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1628 If he says 'Hakuna Matata' one more time... 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1629 We know you're disappointed, but there's no way you can be 'top dog'. 1.2167 0.07551 60 52 3 5
1630 I'm so sorry. I should have discussed it with you before I got pregnant. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1631 Dear, do you think his expectations are excessive? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1632 When you said you were getting the King Louis a throne, I thought you meant a new litter box. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1633 When he moves his right foot to the left, he wants Tender Vittles. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1634 I told you Game of Thrones would be a negative influence on our family. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1635 I prefer the term Enlightened Despot. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1636 I told you we shouldn't have let him watch Trump on TV. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1637 Of course we love you, but you're still not a dog. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1638 Who's going to tell the emperor he needs new clothes? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1639 OK, so your past life regression therapy revealed you've had eight previous lives... 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1640 For the last time, Oliver, you're not a king and this is not a jungle! 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1641 Your turn to be Master of the Queen's Litter Box. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1642 Please! We'll never let it happen again. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1643 I thought it was just a phase. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1644 ...and how is this supposed to improve our sex life? 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1645 She hasn't given you permission to sit yet. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1646 Prince Rusty looked out the window today, the female backyard cats were laughing at him . 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1647 What if we decided not to serve? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1648 I don't think, "Let them eat tuna," is going to win you any friends in your cat kingdom. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1649 We sense a keen disappointment in all that you survey. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1650 Game of Thrones will be on in a week, there's got to be something you can do with yourself until then. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1651 You can go on trying to "Make Cats Great Again" ... just not here. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1652 There is no easy way to say this, we are getting a dog. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1653 When we named you Cat King Cole, it was just a play on words. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1654 I warned you that you wouldn't be able to sleep 16 hours a day if you were king. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1655 Generations of inbreeding. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1656 We are not getting you another rat court jester. You've eaten the last three! 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1657 I'm stopping his Fancy Feast subscribe & save tomorrow. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1658 Let me guess, Mr. Wiggles' DNA test results arrived? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1659 Isn't this a bit much for killing one stray mouse 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1660 Please, may we please change the channel from Fox News? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1661 realizing you're cat has a problem is the first step. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1662 I don't think inheriting all Aunt Ella's money has changed Snowball, do you? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1663 OK, agreed. We give you more treats and you give us more territory. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1664 'The Lion King' is just a story - Simba isn't coming. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1665 Do you mind if we sleep with you in your bed tonight? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1666 Although we could continue to pledge our undying loyalty to you, there remains a remarkable temptation to have you put to sleep and replace you with a puppy. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1667 It all started with the cat nip. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1668 "King Lear" is just your name; not your identity. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1669 Yes of course you are King of the Jungle. it's just that your jungle was reclaimed by civilization. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1670 It was a mistake to make him an indoor only cat. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1671 I don't care, you still have to use the litter box" 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1672 Just because you won the Miss Kitty USA contest it doesn't mean that some cretin isn't going to try and grab you! 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1673 Historically kings often die early: syphilis, the plague, beheading. So there is hope. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1674 "Bla bla bla" is all they ever say. Do they not see my robe? My throne? My Royal Crown?!? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1675 I want a divorce. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1676 I wonder what his next 8 will be like 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1677 They say that getting a dog will solve the problem. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1678 We watched "Game of Thrones" all weekend, and when I returned from work on Monday, he was like this. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1679 Would you rather have my mother move in? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1680 "Uneasy lies the crown eh Whiskers? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1681 Your mother and I would like to know how you plan to pay for four kittens? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1682 Frankly, the early morning hairballs undermine your authority, your highness. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1683 For the last time, they are not doing a sequel to "Cats." 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1684 Does Your Majesty Whiskers III know who left the dead mouse by the pantry? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1685 I think we need to change your catnip. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1686 The mice voted for Brexit just to spite you. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1687 '"Aww...has Princess had a bad day?" 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1688 The regalia isn't the problem. The taxidermy is. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1689 We're sorry, Rex, but pooping on the carpet is not a royal prerogative. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1690 The breeder said his name is Cat King Cole. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1691 Wow, truffles, that was, like, the biggest, baddest mouse in, like, the entire history of the city. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1692 perhaps we should release him back into the wild? 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1693 I'm sorry, sweetie. When he said "Grab 'em by the pussy" he didn't mean your kind. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1694 The bad news is that your life as a king is over. The good news is that you have 8 lives left! 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1695 Only one more season, your grace. 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1696 And maybe someday, you will get the lead in that Broadway play, but for now, I need you to continue to use the litter box. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1697 Listen, everyone will have to make sacrifices for the puppy. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1698 Look, Schrodinger -- two new leather sofas. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1699 I'm tired of all the winning! 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1700 "Dogs are awesome, but cats rule. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1701 Does this mean we're in the dog house? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1702 The vet suggested we switch back to dry food. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1703 What are we, chopped liver? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1704 I think the pampering backfired. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1705 One chocolate mouse too many. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1706 I admit it; I bought the throne. But I don't know where crown and the cape came from.... 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1707 He never realized that being president meant no more naps. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1708 I think one of your hairballs has lodged in your brain. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1709 I think it was the case of margarine. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1710 We're sorry, but we cannot allow you go rule our home the way Trump rules the government 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1711 He's just living up to his potential . . . You should try it. DEAR! 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1712 I think he needs to start dating. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1713 You went to London to visit the Queen, and then? 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1714 You were playing dress-up with Prince Charles again today, weren't you? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1715 So, do you still want to move in? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1716 We may have spoiled her with that new canned food. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1717 Why does he have to keep reminding us? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1718 -Are you SURE you still want kids ? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1719 Look, we named you His Royal Supremeness, Lord of All, the Great Purr, as a joke, more or less. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1720 That's not what we meant by "go sit on the throne". 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1721 Who died and made him king? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1722 We've got a pipe and a bowl, but where can we find fiddlers three? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1723 It's "L'etat c'est moi," not "L'etat c'est meow." 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1724 It's still kitty litter and it's not going to change itself. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1725 He claims to be a direct descendant of Simba, the lion king. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1726 The mice are definitely outnumbered... but they have dragons. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1727 I wanted to name him "Pumpkin." But Nooooo -- you insisted he was going to be "Simba." There's no going back now. 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1728 There's no way this is a phase. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1729 OK. We have taken care of the dog. 1.2167 0.07551 60 52 3 5
1730 Can you tweet about something else? How about the joys of self hygiene, and mice (but not men)? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1731 I say we just go back to the boots . . . . 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1732 ...so after you frightened the little mouse under her chair, the Queen did WHAT? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1733 So, what makes you think Mischief can play golf any time he pleases? 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1734 Pawns! 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1735 Let them eat chicken. Hell, let them eat liver too. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1736 May we sit here or should we kneel? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1737 What good is a crown when you're missing your orbs? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1738 We are going to start treating you like a cat. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1739 I think I would have preferred him stuffed in a more-natural setting. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1740 I have a feline this isn't going to work out. I may have to flea. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1741 Please pardon us your Grace; we were fools to plan a vacation without you. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1742 But Honey, everyone knows that cats rule. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1743 Per your instructions, essential oil of mouse hearts has been added to your scratching wall and litter pool. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1744 We don't like what Royal Canin and Fancy Feast has done to you. We're switching you back to Meow Mix. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1745 Louis is bored. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1746 This is why Trump shouldn't have been President! 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1747 Is he really an enchanted prince or does he just have an attitude? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1748 Your boyfriend smells like a dog person. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1749 We should have had a kid. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1750 Perhaps his majesty would be feeling a little better if he hadn't just scarfed down all of daddy's boeuf bourguignon. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1751 Would it please his majesty if mummy scratched his belly? 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1752 OK, so he's not qualified. What's our next step? 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
1753 We're moving to an apartment that doesn't allow kings. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1754 Help us Sir, the mice are revolting. 1.2154 0.06755 65 55 6 4
1755 If cats could talk, they probably wouldn't. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
1756 I could've sworn that I ordered Seuss' 'Cat in the Hat,' but Amazon delivered this!?? 1.2154 0.06755 65 55 6 4
1757 You may be orange, but that's no reason to act like Donald Trump. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
1758 How much was this litter box? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1759 I dunno. Says he's under audit and won't release his tax returns 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1760 Even the cat is in to Game of Thrones 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1761 He has no intention of sharing his authority 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1762 As far as I'm concerned, you're both in the doghouse. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1763 They captured his eyes spot on! What do you think honey? 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1764 Of course your member of the family, just not the"Royal"family! 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
1765 You had to know the Mouse Guards would turn against you once you ate their leader. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1766 When Your Highness craps in daddy's shoe it makes mommy very sad. 1.2154 0.07102 65 56 4 5
1767 He insists we call him Rex now. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1768 Well, you're the one who spoiled him with the canned food! 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1769 I don't care what your mother says. I did not give him too much catnip when he was a kitten. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1770 He does know that you can't just be king, you have to do something, right? 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
1771 I'm sorry, Tom, I thought he was asleep and the kids wanted to watch The Lion King... I didn't know... 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1772 Maybe we shouldn't have named him 'King.' 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
1773 His highness isn't happy with the new litter box. 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1774 It's the worst case of White Cat Privilege I've ever seen. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1775 Fuzzy is the head that wears the crown. Oooh fuzzy wuzzy wuzzy. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1776 I didn't have the heart to tell him in another life he actually had been elected President. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1777 Even if we got rid of the crown and all the other regalia, would anything else really change here? 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1778 When he's controlling the remote - that's when we cross the line. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1779 Maybe we never should have gotten him fixed. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1780 Please cheer up, Rocko. We're sorry we had you neutered. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1781 He didn't know being king could be so complicated. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1782 I know we are using a tax loophole, but don't you think he is going too far with this Head of Household status. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1783 Cheer up, snookems, we're very close to choosing a new queen. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1784 Trust me. This could be a thing. Bigger than Facebook. 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1785 I'm sorry, it's just not in the budget to stay at Mar-a-Lago. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1786 Of course he's sad,he ate his jester. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1787 because your cousin is the king of the jungle, you are indeed in the line of succession. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1788 I adopted him from a no-coup shelter. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1789 We wish we could afford the premium cat food, but for now this is the best we can do. 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1790 The dogs have abdicated. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1791 I think this whole power trip thing started after you mentioned his small hairball size. 1.2131 0.07435 61 53 3 5
1792 Your turn to escort His Majesty to the litter box. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1793 What do you suppose happened? 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1794 He keeps saying, "I'm King of my castle!" 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1795 He's always been king. Now he is just making it official. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1796 He hasn't been the same since he learned it's not a monarchy. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1797 We want to break this to you gently. You're being replaced by a King Charles Cavalier puppy 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1798 We've explained for years. The Wiz isn't coming back. 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1799 I said I can do an impression of a Meerkat, Broadway said we'll do a Shakespearean musical called King Lear, Cat. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1800 Naming you Henry doesn't mean your heir to the British throne. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1801 This millennial thing is going too far. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1802 A million YouTube subscribers does not make you the boss of us. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1803 We should have dethroned before we declawed. 1.2131 0.07435 61 53 3 5
1804 Remember when he used to hide under the bed? 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1805 Cheer up - it's not like I'll be having a litter. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1806 We told you Healthcare wasn't easy 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1807 Buying her Fancy Feast turned out to be a slippery slope. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1808 Just because you're the king of the castle does not mean you can rule with an iron paw. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1809 In three years he will quit tweeting and your videos will be #1 again. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1810 We have to tell him that the corgi was just visiting 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1811 He doesn't have to spell it out, we're not idiots. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1812 Indifference and fresh salmon are killing you. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1813 We're sorry that Princess Fluffy didn't meet your expectations. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1814 I know your video got 1 million views but don't you think you've taken it too far? 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1815 She's not that into you. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1816 I told you we shouldn't have let him watch "Game of Thrones". 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1817 We need a dog. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1818 No, we can't banish all dogs from the kingdom, though we can give Your Majesty a soft chin scratch. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1819 We just want what's best for you. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1820 No, Dad. It's not a good substitute for a King Charles Spaniel. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1821 Would'st thou consider using the litter box next time? 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1822 Declaring a travel ban on dogs is not really a good idea at this time, your majesty. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1823 Don't you think you are taking this "king of beasts" a little far? 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1824 He thinks he's king of the jungle. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1825 We didn't know the costume would induce delusions of dander. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1826 Honey, the Game of Thrones binging is really starting to impact the whole family. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1827 Do you think it's because we named him Donald? 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1828 Please, your Highness, just acknowledge our presence. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1829 I'm not gonna sing you the song from the King and I again. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1830 So you looked at the King. What next? 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1831 I told you from the start I'm a dog person 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1832 Yes, but you descended from ferals. 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1833 The mouse king refuses your suit for the hand of his daughter. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1834 I still think we should have cremated him. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1835 I told you not to give him tuna. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1836 I wouldn't mind if he hadn't beheaded the dog. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1837 You were right, Bob. Catnip and power don't mix. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1838 If you remember I wanted to call her Puffy Boo, but you insisted on Queenie. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1839 What do we do, she still isn't satisified 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1840 I think the imported salmon is helping with his self-esteem issues 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1841 Could we maybe try a constitutional monarchy for a while? 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1842 Having ruled for many years, Tibbert grew tired of his servants. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1843 Would you like extra mice to top your tuna casserole majesty? 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1844 We should have never named him Henry! 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1845 With all due respect Sire, the proverb says only that a cat can LOOK at a king. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1846 Oh well, we may as well face it. The KITTEN is gone . . . Long Live The Cat. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1847 I bought the whole outfit on that website for childless couples. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1848 We understand, it IS upsetting that your subjects can't see your new clothes. 1.2121 0.05511 66 53 12 1
1849 Yes, I suppose I did say that cremating him would be nuts. 1.2083 0.07268 48 40 6 2
1850 At least he has decided whether he wants to be in or out. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1851 He knows he's funding our retirement through those cat videos you shot when he was a kitten. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1852 I guess when he brought us home, he never thought we would be this much work! 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1853 One canary too many. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1854 We should have never named him Donald. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1855 It's just a conspurracy theory. Nothing to lose a life over. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1856 You see, our feelings for you are merely the result of Stockholm syndrome. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1857 Let's hope he's not above hunting the common mouse 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1858 With that cape and crown, you look like a self-centered narcissist. You should run for president. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1859 He seems to be trying to tell us what we already know. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1860 We understand your trauma, we are shocked too to learn that your Father was a Tomcat... 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1861 It was your idea to call him Rex. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1862 I swear that all we discussed was adopting the kittens. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1863 He says the litter box needs more jewels. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1864 Her Meowjesty has graciously unspooled the toilet paper again. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1865 Being King of the Household ain't all it's cracked up to be, is it? 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1866 We're going to have get a bigger litter box. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1867 One pound of catnip and he thinks he's King Trump 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1868 Are you sure the dog died of natural causes? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1869 It's an exhausting job? Maybe it's the tweet all-nighters. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1870 It was all fun and games till he banished the dog. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1871 And he still insists he should have won the popular vote. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1872 I know that cats consider themselves regal, but this is ridiculous! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1873 Fluffy binge watched "Game of Thrones"again 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1874 I told you the crown would help him forget that we had him fixed. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1875 It's good to be king. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1876 How about a bigger throne? Or maybe a scepter--would a scepter help? 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1877 Sometimes I feel like you care more about him than me. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1878 Your Grace, we request you use the litter box next time. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1879 Just because we named you Donald....... 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1880 I guess we overdid it in the enhanced catnip 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1881 Impressive. And he still has 8 lives. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1882 We let you exile the dog but we cannot allow you to annex the neighbor's back yard. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1883 Well, he did win the Electoral College. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1884 OK The dog is dead. What next? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1885 I knew it all along, it's just official now. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1886 Having only 8 lives is STILL something to be proud of, princess. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1887 Maybe binge-watching 'Game of Thrones' wasn't such a good idea. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1888 It was your idea to name him DJ Trump! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1889 This is a royal pain in the ass. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1890 Abdication is not an option? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1891 Boots?" "Remember the dog ran away with your boots! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1892 Listen Fluffy, this whole King of the Jungle phase you're going through is getting out of hand. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1893 Rex, it's not ED. You had a procedure when you were very young. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1894 We crossed the line with "lobster night ". 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1895 Why cats will rule the world 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1896 His YouTube video went viral. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1897 His Royal Highness prefers the term plus-size over fat. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1898 Peel another mouse for you sire? 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1899 'I vote for naming him Trump,' you said. 'Let's shake things up a little,' you said. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1900 Have you tried past life regressions? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1901 We should have had a kid. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1902 Now that we've crowned you King, may we have permission to rub your belly, Your Highness? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1903 Salmon, it's all we have left. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1904 Cersie, next time we don't throw the dog off the roof . . . 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1905 We never should've fed her the fancy feast. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1906 I draw the line at his own Twitter account. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1907 Listen, we get it. Heavy is the head that eats the tuna. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1908 The court appointed psychiatrists called us insane. What does Your Majesty say? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1909 Oh, My Liege, wouldst pray purr if thou art pleased with thy minions' service? 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1910 Yes, fixed means you can't make princes. 1.2069 0.07683 58 51 2 5
1911 Please, where did you hide the human-nip? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1912 That's right; regardless what we've called you all these years, technically we are NOT actually your subjects. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1913 What's your take? Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, or it's really not good to be the king? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1914 He wants a special feast tonight. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1915 Is the throne not as comfy as the radiator, My Lord? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1916 Shall we bring in the Mouseketeers or Pug the Jester? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1917 We want you to know that our getting a dog will in no way change your status in our household. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1918 I told you, the dog doesn't want to be your jester. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1919 It's not your fault health care is so complicated. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1920 We're sorry, but it seems the dog has started a republic. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1921 I couldn't care less who gets custody. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1922 Chin up. Making litter great again IS hard! 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1923 You used to rule with an iron paw. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1924 Honey, I think it's time you stopped showing the cat The Lion King. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1925 Don't worry we will find you another pair of boots! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1926 Sorry, your Highness, while we're away Jenny next door won't be courtseying when she comes to clean the litter box. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1927 No. He's not surprised. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1928 You must forget her! Your subjects will never accept a toy poodle as their queen. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1929 He's feline good so I want to change his name to James Brown. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1930 You mentioned fancy feast so I dressed for the occasion 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1931 Will your majesty be dining on the kibble? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1932 With posture like that, sire, you're going to get a 'kingk" in your back! 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1933 I just think the world is ready for the title "King Pussy". 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1934 Who knew cat care was so complicated? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1935 You ARE the best kitty. Magnificent. Probably the best since Simba. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1936 Don't be so sad. Next time we'll remember to have them pack any leftover sushi for you. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1937 She's depressed because she thinks it's a demotion. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1938 After he went viral he totally changed. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1939 His Highness desires a totalitarian dictator rodent to amuse him. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1940 It's okay Mr. Chips. It was just a matter of time before Chance the Rapper got more views than your youtube channel. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1941 We know you and Buddy are fighting, but 'off with his head' seems a bit harsh. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1942 Inventing Snap-Cat really went to his head! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1943 He's been like this ever since that Russian Blue next door left the rat for him. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1944 Ennui. You know...the opposite of what you feel when you threaten the mice with nuclear holocaust. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1945 Heavy is the cat that wears the crown... 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1946 Please don't worry, Princess, we will be here to serve you for all of your lives. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1947 I checked online. Your scepter should arrive tomorrow. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1948 I take it winning the "Anchovy Challenge" wasn't as much fun as you thought it might be. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1949 We probably shouldn't have given him this much power. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1950 I think nine was one too many.... 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1951 I said you could buy her a bowtie. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1952 Look, we're kidding when we address you as Your Highness. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1953 Sorry, the boots needed new soles 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1954 I think it's time to get a dog 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1955 Maybe we shouldn't have named him "Rex." 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1956 Hopefully now he'll stop scratching the couch 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1957 We're concerned this career move is a bit unrealistic. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1958 Well, what did you expect when you gave him the throne? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1959 We have to stop feeding him Fancy Feast. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1960 `Trying to emulate that orange, wanna be dictator you see on tv does not make you president of this house." 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1961 Please we are begging to know; which one of us do you like better? 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1962 Being a fat cat is overrated. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1963 You're here and the mice still play. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1964 We really do live in an era where pussy is king. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1965 You mean we have to put up with him 9 more lifetimes 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1966 Well, it is the cat's world. We're just allowed to live in it. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1967 I can't believe he ate the whole thing! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1968 Define rescue. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1969 Bootsie, we are not your servants. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1970 If it please Your Highness, I could go get the laser pointer. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1971 We should never have let him watch "The Lion King." 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1972 I don't even want to think of what he will be in his next life! 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1973 We pick up the new puppy tomorrow. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1974 So, tell us again how you think you actually won the popular vote even after your coronation. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1975 King Mittens still looks catatonic. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1976 I asked for a Kit Kat Bar, not a King Cat Czar. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1977 Maybe we should have had that child instead. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1978 Dear, could I be queen for a day? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1979 He said that now that he's in his eighth life he wants to turn over some of his royal responsibilities to us. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1980 It's like entertaining royalty without the pomp. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1981 After receiving the cat ancestry results: "He's really taking this whole Cornish Rex thing very seriously" 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1982 We know about the catnip. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1983 Did he just tell us to bend the knee?? 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1984 Seems like purring after praise is exhausting. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1985 I think we're stuck with him. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1986 I think all the fancy feast has gone to his head 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1987 I think there's something in that new Trump brand cat food. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1988 We ARE sitting. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1989 No one can replace her. When her time comes, we'll have to form a republic. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1990 I think your obsession with Game of Thrones has gotten a little out of hand. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1991 Chicken or fish, my liege 1.2059 0.05366 68 55 12 1
1992 No, the mice cannot come over to play. 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
1993 We're sending you to catnip rehab! 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
1994 We thought if we told you right away, you'll have nine whole months to get use to it. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1995 The vet's narrowed it down to menarche or monarchy. 1.2034 0.07163 59 51 4 4
1996 Apparently it's the new 'cat's pajamas' according to the vet. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1997 I can think the Instagram success has gone to his head. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1998 Maybe Your Majesty wasn't such a great name Dear... 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
1999 The vet says we should not allow him to watch any more Trump press conferences 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2000 She finds our cat box humiliating. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2001 You have to stop watching the Lion King. It's not good for your self esteem. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
2002 Since he got the part, he's impossible to live with. 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
2003 Fret not! The catnip will be here within the hour! 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2004 I could have him declawed but never dethroned. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2005 Yes, it was your turn, but now its Richard's turn 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2006 As s long as we give her catnip and Caesar's liver she doesn't destroy our curtains. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2007 Let's call him Donald. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
2008 You can be Old King Cole in your next life. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2009 I promise he won't be too much trouble. He cleans up after himself and he won't eat your food. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2010 Fat cats always lean to the right 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2011 It’s time to talk about the dog. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2012 I'll say it one more time. Wild-caught, not farm-raised. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
2013 I don't care what you think ... he's not spoiled. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2014 We're sorry Vermont said they don't need a king. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2015 To think he was once a pure- bred, lean, mean, mouse-killing machine. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2016 At dawn Ralph and I will be taking you to a place of our choosing, and thereupon and at such time you will be hung by the neck until you are dead. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2017 Smile, we found your Boots. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2018 She just heard Trump has a pussy. 1.2034 0.07560 59 52 2 5
2019 You keep telling me my pussy rules. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2020 Henry needs an heir. 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
2021 Your Highness, our whole situation is Catastrophic. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2022 As you can see, he was disappointed in the court jester. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
2023 Sorry, you were a sweet little kitten when we named you 'Fluffernutter' 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2024 No, YOU grab the pussy 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
2025 I'm thinking it's time we broke the news to the Emperor. Again. 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
2026 He says bow the knee or kiss the curtains goodbye. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2027 Now this is strong evidence of a royal catnipshin. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
2028 Really, "off with their heads" is all you can say for yourself? 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
2029 Rex next door says royalty or not, he will continue to chase you. 1.2000 0.06389 50 41 8 1
2030 Yet he still maintains that the election was "fixed". 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
2031 Don't act like you swallowed the canary with us. 1.2000 0.07338 40 33 6 1
2032 Now I see why you named our kitty, "trumpy" 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2033 We wanted you to know that Parliament has elected a Prime Minister, and the breeder is bringing him tomorrow. 1.1972 0.05890 71 60 8 3
2034 Heavy is the head that ate my whole apple pie. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2035 I keep telling you, dogs have Owners, cats have Slaves. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2036 There are just some character flaws that courture can't overcome. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2037 That's not what the "King of the Jungle" looked like online. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2038 The jester doesn't make house calls. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2039 We gave him "Royal" brand catnip. I thought "side affects" was just a misprint on the the warning label. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2040 Perhaps we've been too indulgent... 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2041 Now can we bury him? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2042 We should never have named him "King".... 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2043 Looks like the crown is going to his head. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2044 And how do you feline about that? 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2045 Sorry bub but when you left the jungle the rules changed. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2046 I tried... the mice refuse to bend the knee. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2047 Your father and I wanted you to know...you're adopted. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2048 Well, OK then. Why don't we start with your mother. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2049 We're sorry, but this is the biggest throne we could afford. Really. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2050 Iams what Iams. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2051 Sire, is there not one royal feather toy worth holding onto? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2052 Well, aren't you the cutest little tyrant. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2053 Yes, even the king has to use the litter box. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2054 He won't eat unless I address him as 'sire.' 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2055 The other cats ignored you? 1.1964 0.07821 56 50 1 5
2056 Look, we understand how to you our one bedroom apartment may seem like a castle. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2057 Some bad news, Caesar. Seth is leaving and I'm trading you in for a gecko. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2058 Now that we've got this settled, where do we stand on that hamster I've been wanting? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2059 We want to discuss your attitude. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2060 Hail The Lying King! 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2061 OK, your meow-jesty. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2062 His analyst suggests we try more groveling, less pampering. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2063 The cat in the hat sat for a chat 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2064 We weren't talking about actually getting a dog. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2065 The King of the Beasts needs his litter box changed. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2066 Ohh, poor little kitty. You must be so tired after that long phone call with the president of Mexico. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2067 This is no ordinary lethargy. Only yesterday he was singing Cole Porter. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2068 Don't worry; Game of Thrones may still have an Andrew Lloyd Webber finale. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2069 He's torn between 'CATS' and 'Lion King' 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2070 I just can't ignore the cat in the room. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2071 Well the weather forecast did say it's reigning cats and dogs. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2072 Don't give up on us Boswell, we're trying hard to find you the right food. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2073 Can you imagine if he were an outdoor cat? 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2074 Your "King of the Jungle" needs to diet. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2075 Think she was one of the pussies grabbed by Trump? 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2076 We thought you knew king was just your name 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2077 Can you please go catch him a mouse? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2078 "It's Daddy's turn to be the King". 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2079 We serve at his pleasure but there's no pleasing him 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2080 Blame the media all you want, but they're the ones who made you a fat cat in the first place. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2081 Of course she's upset. She just ate all of her heirs. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2082 No, it can’t always be ‘spur of the moment,’ but we’ll be your opposable thumbs—we’ll tweet for you. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2083 At our request, parliament also adopted a no kitties on the counter rule. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2084 He had the computer mouse for dinner. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2085 Not my King! 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2086 The emperor prefers no clothes. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2087 He was thin and shy until his video went viral. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2088 Darling, do you think Puss is getting too big for her own boots ? 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2089 Your Majesty, the mice are rebelling and we are running out of tuna. What do you wish us to do? 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2090 The White House is nice, Your Majesty. When can we go to Meow A Lago? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2091 We're out of mice. Will robins do? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2092 We told you it was going to be hard being king. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2093 But the residuals from his kitten videos keep coming in. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2094 Maybe if we elevated the throne? 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2095 ...and that's the reason you haven't produced an heir. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2096 How could anyone not be a cat person? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2097 I thought we agreed we were just getting him neutered 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2098 Pussy says you grabbed her. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2099 It's a House cat. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2100 We both sincerely apologize for calling you a royal pain. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2101 I don't think he realized that being royal would be so exhausting. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2102 Never in a million years did I think I'd end up as a cat counseling major. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2103 He's finally dressing the part! 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2104 How do we break it to him that he is a co-equal third branch of this family? 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2105 Think of it as the heirball to the throne. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2106 When he gets to know you, you can crawl forward - slowly - with head bowed. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2107 So nobody ever told you about the French Revolution, your Highness? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2108 Your meow is my demand. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2109 I'm not pussy whipped. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2110 We see you've mastered the Feline Recline. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2111 He hasn't been the same since we let him watch Lion King. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2112 I'm sorry King Fluffy. When I called you 'Princess' I meant it as a term of endearment. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2113 I told you not to start feeding him Fancy Feast. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2114 Puss in Boots is one thing, but wearing a crown, draped in a cloak and lounging on a throne is quite another. What were you thinking of? A subject for Jeff Koons? 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2115 She's been like this ever since I told her that 'Queen for a Day' went off the air years ago. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2116 OK, more foie gras and deli turkey it will be then. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2117 He says, "Now is the winter of our discontent. Rub my tummy." 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2118 Sorry, sire. You've executed the last of the dogs. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2119 It's good to be the cat 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2120 Get over it - you'll have eight more abdications. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2121 The vet thinks we spoil him. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2122 Um, how many lives do you have left? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2123 We should have stopped when you were president. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2124 What do you mean we're just "fake news"? 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2125 You're not fat and lazy. That's fake mews. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2126 Do you think his diet is too rich? 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2127 We got rid of the dog. Can't we keep the kids? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2128 So Fritz, today we'd like to talk to you about empty nest syndrome. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2129 I thought he'd be happy once we got rid of the dog. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2130 I'm afraid that naming him 'Donald' was a big mistake. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2131 He lives the puuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect life. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2132 His ascension was so sudden. I had no idea Queenie was on her last life. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2133 It all started when we bought him that iPad. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2134 Ah,don't fret, you'll always be king in our jungle. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2135 Leo, we just know you're going to love having a little human baby brother. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2136 Sorry, but no more Fancy Feast. We're putting you back on Meow Mix. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2137 YOU wanted to name him Louis. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2138 But honey, I'm sure your real mother loves you just as much as we do. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2139 I told you he was a British Shorthair 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2140 Noble, yes, but lazy. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2141 Isn't he taking this Ser Pounce thing a bit far? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2142 Canned or raw? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2143 We need to talk about you laissez-faire approach to the litter box. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2144 She's completely conquered us and now she's bored. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2145 No, David, the lawyers were adamant, under Aunt Agatha's will Queenie owns everything. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2146 He is probably thinking this place is a dump. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2147 Maybe a seatbelt would help. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2148 We're here to serve you. We get it. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2149 We should have gone with the dog jester 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2150 This isn't what we meant when we asked you to 'go medieval' on the mice. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2151 How exhausting it must be to preside over an entire kingdom that's aloof. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2152 This all started when you insisted on that damn organic catnip from the farmer's market. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2153 A dog? This will be the downfall of the Persian Empire! 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2154 It looks like his princely duties are taking a toll. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2155 Dogs have masters, cats have servants 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2156 This is what happens when you put pussy on a pedestal. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2157 Despite your decree you still have to use the littler box. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2158 I don't want a second cat, either, but we're gonna need a Brutus. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2159 Now that he's cornered the entire catnip market he's completely lost all motivation. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2160 Don't despair, dear -- there MUST be someone else you can fire. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2161 Did we catch ennui, or were we born with it? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2162 I think we better cut off (s)he from Game Of Thrones 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2163 I will just have you two refer to me from now on as the greatest American fat cat ever. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2164 No! It's against the Constitution! 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2165 I think the mouse catching has gone to his head. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2166 There are lots of 'kings of the jungle', but you're the only king of the apartment. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2167 He took this rat king thing way too seriously. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2168 The vet told him he has no clothes that's what's up with him. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2169 I liked your kangaroo get-up better. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2170 At least he doesn't spray anymore 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2171 The President called. He needs another fat cat in his Cabinet. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2172 I said "vermin," but Rex heard "ermine." 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2173 We're getting a dog. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2174 I'm starting to miss the mice. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2175 Bring me the dog's head. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2176 The power (and the catnip) have clearly gone to his head. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2177 Maybe being king of the cats is not all it's made out to be. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2178 He really guilted me after the neutering. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2179 We felt you should be the fist to know, I am pregnant 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2180 You were totally right - "Taxidermy On A Throne" was the way to go. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2181 So, only sushi-grade fish, medium-rare steak and filtered water? Did I miss anything? 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2182 Matthew's only coming home for a week. Then it's right back to school with him, I promise. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2183 Some merry old soul ! 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2184 As your therapist, I feel your inability to purr is do to a lack of contentment. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2185 Don't worry your highness. When we say FIX, nothing of yours is broke. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2186 Maybe we should try Craigs List. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2187 The ennui set in after the 7th life 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2188 The vet said his Lion King delusions will pass with time. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2189 Peel me a mouse, naves 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2190 We give him a reward for catching six mice and it goes right to his head. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2191 Dogs and politicians all banished! Are you happy now? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2192 Abdication? Well yes, the dog has been waiting for years. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2193 Please forgive us, the foot stool is on it's way! 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2194 There is just no pleasing him. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2195 Well, OK. But you two have to walk it, and keep it off our bed. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2196 Should we skip 'Game of Thrones' this week? 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2197 I'm not saying I don't like your cat Howard; I'm saying all kings are foes of the men they rule. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2198 Trust me. Odds are, he'll go slumming all night, and you'll never see him again. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2199 We never should have rented "The Lion King." 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2200 From reality TV star to, well, TV reality. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2201 Your Majesty, may I suggest "ennui" is insufficient cause to desert your mousing duties? 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2202 I thought this would be funny, but it really isn't. 1.1964 0.07394 56 49 3 4
2203 Must be the THC-infused catnip. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2204 How many mice does he expect us to catch?! 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2205 They say he won the popular vote. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2206 We're getting a divorce. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2207 I knew naming her 'Princess' was a risk. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2208 No more 'Game of Thrones' for you, Mr. Whiskers! 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2209 I told you we should have had him fixed. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2210 Spoiled? I don't know what you mean. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2211 I'm glad to see it's a working vacation. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2212 Do you think we've spoiled Mr Fluffington? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2213 No...we really mean it. We are blessed and privileged to have the honor of feeding you and changing your litter. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2214 Boots? Really? 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2215 Maybe we should cut off his "Fancy Feast" and go back to "Friskies". 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2216 It's our fault. The shelter told us he was a bit demanding. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2217 The Fancy Feast has really gone to his head. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2218 He says it's 'for a podcast.' 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2219 We're concerned about how your growing Insta-fame is affecting your attitude around here, Mittens. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2220 We should never have named him 'Henry VIII'. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2221 We shouldn't have put the Imperial margarine on his tuna. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2222 I told you cats can be a royal pain... 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2223 It's no use, the Queen has always liked dogs. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2224 "It's a dog-eat-dog world" is just an expression! They aren't planning a coup. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2225 Could we be contributing to his insolence and pomposity 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2226 "Everything was going great, The Castle, Harem, Gold Treasures......Then she left me for a common house cat and got it all! 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2227 I still think a dog would have been more work. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
2228 We're thinking of getting a puppy. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2229 He's depressed - the litter was all female which means 9 royal weddings an no heir. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2230 Well, the Egyptians did treat them like royalty. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
2231 Muffin, Tom and I would like to sleep together tonight ... without you. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2232 Oh, stop being such a big pussy and royal pain-in-the-ass! 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2233 We need to talk to you about your cattidute. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
2234 What if I warm your milk AND make John here deliver it in crystal? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
2235 His father was in real estate. He's never scratched or clawed for anything. 1.1961 0.06275 51 42 8 1
2236 My kingdom for a sandbox right about now. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
2237 This is a declaration of our independence 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2238 Sorry, Martha Washington ended up naming her cat after someone else. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2239 Listen, can we just get you a twitter account? 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
2240 Ok, I'll clean the litter box. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2241 He's been like this ever since watching that "King of the Jungle" special on the Nature Channel. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2242 Better do as he says or he'll take us to obedience school again. 1.1930 0.07271 57 50 3 4
2243 I am sorry, I refuse to call him the meow-narch 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2244 I suggested a DNA test, but he said it wasn't necessary. 1.1930 0.07271 57 50 3 4
2245 But its good to be king! 1.1930 0.07271 57 50 3 4
2246 Maybe we shouldn’t have named our kitty Donald. 1.1930 0.07271 57 50 3 4
2247 It looks like "King Putty Tat" has been in the liquor cabinet again. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2248 Cat's people. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
2249 Dog people are so emotionally needy. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
2250 The "millennial" breed name should have tipped us off. 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
2251 Kings can't be pussies 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
2252 So what if you're not king of the jungle - isn't it enough to be king of our hearts? 1.1897 0.06716 58 50 5 3
2253 What is love without respect? And what is respect without three cans of tuna? 1.1897 0.07153 58 51 3 4
2254 Now he wants to be President! 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2255 It is real ermine, I swear. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2256 We're petitioning for parliamentary representation. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2257 Your Majesty, the Royal Box is now ready for occupation. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2258 We know it was your whisker on the salmon. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2259 We just put you on the wet, wild-caught salmon food two weeks ago and now you hate it? Maybe we would try the baked, farm-raised chicken again... 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2260 I told you if you fed him Fancy Feast he'd get delusions of grandeur. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2261 Too many mice? 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2262 I thought it was "Heavy is the head"? 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2263 See, this is what happens when you let him sleep in the bed. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2264 It's your turn to change the Royal Litter Box. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2265 He thinks we'll send him to Washington with the other fat cats. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2266 Yes, we are having a baby. Please don't worry, you will always the queen. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
2267 We're sorry, but Fancy Feast is just a brand. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2268 No, he said "L'état", not "Le chat c'est moi." 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2269 your father and I think it's time to back off Game of Thrones for a while. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2270 Guess what? You're just about to have a new little sister! 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2271 I told you we shouldn't have switched him to wet food. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2272 We've decided to get a dog. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2273 We both love your, I'm so Trump thing, but in reality you're just a pussy. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2274 I'm not Steve Bannon. I'm not trying to suck my own cock. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2275 Release the dog. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2276 Gosh, you really do treat your pets like royalty. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2277 We switched to clumping litter, Your Majesty. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2278 I think that we've overdone the praise 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
2279 We're sorry... we understand that you think you make all the rules... 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2280 I'm pregnant. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2281 Honey, it's time to buy that dog. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2282 As it should be. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
2283 I know, you know, everyone knows I'm just a figurehead. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2284 Heavy is the head that wears a crown. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2285 This isn't the pussy I was talking about, Devin. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2286 He's been like this ever since I explained that his executive authority has been curtailed. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2287 Maybe it would be easier to have a real child? 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2288 But you can't be a prince to everyone. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2289 Of course this is Your Kingdom but-- it's just not possible to deport All Dogs 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
2290 WE'RE TRYING, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A FERAL VIRGIN! 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2291 You cannot keep living beyond your memes. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2292 Please, can we keep him? 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2293 I tried treating him as an equal, but as you can see that didn't turn out well. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2294 Do you think we should tell him , He is not revered here like he was in Egypt 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
2295 What makes you think this is a cartoon? 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2296 But will people watching YouTube think it's funny? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2297 Do you think we are spoiling him? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2298 Where are his boots? 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2299 Hey, so you killed one mouse, that's your job! 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2300 Are you sure it's just the catnip? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2301 Please, we promise we'll be back in just a week. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
2302 I wish we had a dog. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2303 Your majesty, the new neighbors, they have a dog. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2304 Let's just admit that he's dead. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2305 But your highness- "pause" for a moment- your feline family doesn't know or even care that you have five paws!" 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2306 He just couldn't wait to be king 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2307 Even though you are orange, there can only be one Trump 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
2308 He just found out that being Top Cat means nothing. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
2309 We both know he rules the apartment. I got the crown and robe on sale. 1.1875 0.06250 64 55 6 3
2310 Instead of bird tweets, shouldn't your focus be a veterinary healthcare agenda, Mr. Trumpster? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
2311 Bring me Hasenpfeffer! 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
2312 Things were going so well until he said "You're Fired." 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
2313 Yes, eating that margarine will put a crown on your head, but it will also make you very fat. 1.1860 0.06865 43 36 6 1
2314 We never should have switched to wet food... 1.1852 0.07031 54 47 4 3
2315 Who knew that ruling a Kingdom could be so complicated? 1.1852 0.07031 54 47 4 3
2316 I guess ruling this house is a lot of work. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2317 If you grant us permission to have a child, please lick your right forepaw. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2318 Felix found out he had been surgically altered before he became of age. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2319 What a terrible era in which idiots govern the cat. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2320 Before I met you, I kissed a frog. This is the prince I got. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2321 He prefers Mousse to Mice! 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2322 I'm starting to question your theories about the line of succession. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2323 How many YouTube views? 1.1852 0.07511 54 48 2 4
2324 We shouldn't have let him watch Trump on TV yesterday. 1.1852 0.07031 54 47 4 3
2325 Maybe we should have had that baby. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
2326 I told you MrWhiskers was a weak password for the HBO 1.1852 0.07511 54 48 2 4
2327 I think that just about says it all. 1.1852 0.07031 54 47 4 3
2328 Do you think we spoil the cat? 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2329 Yet another pretentious cat! 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2330 Well perhaps if we moved her litter box closer to the throne. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2331 Most cats would be satisfied just having their picture posted on Facebook. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
2332 Ok this proves it; he does rule our house. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2333 I thought his "throne" was the litter box in the bathroom. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2334 Do you think we might have over pampered him 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2335 Ok, now that we've all calmed down a bit, let's try to figure out why Mr.Peepers may have flown away...... 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2336 Honey, Lion King is just "Make Believe" 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2337 In retrospect, I think I'm a dog person. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2338 so you don't need to feel threatened that you're going to have a baby brother. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2339 The breeder said she was a queen, but I thought he just meant she hadn't been fixed. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2340 But there are so many adorable heirs at the shelter who need a home. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
2341 Thanks Obama 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
2342 We're thinking about selling the house. 1.1831 0.04623 71 58 13 0
2343 The dogs have been taken care of, your highness. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
2344 I was so sure that our video would go viral that I forgot his scepter. 1.1818 0.06910 55 48 4 3
2345 I'm sorry, but I just don't think this will be the right answer to our rat problem. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2346 We need to talk about the litter throne, King Mittens. 1.1818 0.06910 55 48 4 3
2347 Sorry, Boots. CASH is king. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2348 A new Chief of Staff is in... 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2349 This is what always happens to the Prince of Tails when the old Queen won't abdicate. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2350 She's binge watching The Crown this week. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2351 Do you think this might be a good time to ask for a raise? 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2352 Maybe you'd like to go out and grab a little pussy! 1.1818 0.06910 55 48 4 3
2353 It sure is tough when you are a fat cat and encounter a top dog! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2354 We're sorry. Only humans can have superiority complexes. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
2355 Let's call her 'Ivanka.' 1.1818 0.06910 55 48 4 3
2356 Was that belly scratch satisfactory? 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
2357 Kings don't sit like that. How do we know you're telling us the truth? 1.1806 0.05708 72 62 7 3
2358 He's been like this since the Miceacarta was signed 1.1803 0.05486 61 51 9 1
2359 I think he has seen Lion King one too many times... 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2360 No, the Napoleon Complex is a thing 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2361 Uneasy lies the head... 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2362 He's been watching too much Fox News. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2363 The kingdom next door says you may have some heirs. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2364 We shouldn't have named him Cole. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2365 He thinks he's entitled on an evolutionary basis. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2366 You know, maybe we should have a kid after all. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2367 It's good to be king---meow......... 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
2368 Clever idea, hon, but he still needs cat litter. 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
2369 His shit still stinks, you know. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2370 We warned you that heavy is the head that wears the crown. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2371 Don't be angry, I promise we will get the Royal Treats tomorrow! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2372 This has gotten out of hand. The vet warned us about spoiling Rex and what it would lead to. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2373 I told you we should have gotten him neutered. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2374 No. It's King of the Jungle. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2375 We should do something about our reaction to her personality. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2376 I hate to bring you bad news, sir. But, it's time to get neutered. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2377 Its all just a bit much 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2378 You love her more than me, Hal. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2379 He's been like this since we switched to Royal Canin Cat Food. He just lies around, dressed in this ridiculous get up, and he insists that I test his food. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2380 I'm afraid he over indulged at the coronation celebration 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2381 Well Ken, I suppose you have proven yourself to be quite purr-suasive 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2382 We, too, are happy that your outer cat matches your inner cat. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2383 Honey, you don't think we're spoiling him, do you? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2384 You do realize we can't afford kids now. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2385 The Emperor has no kitty litter 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2386 He really didn't need all the trappings to prove hos point. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2387 I knew he wouldn't be happy being King. He wants to be the Supreme Being! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2388 So your audition for "Game of Thrones" went bad, there's always commercials. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2389 OK, Trixie, we've met all your demands. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2390 Lets name him Joffrey, you said. It will be cute, you said. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2391 There, there kitty. Who knew ruling could be so complicated? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2392 It's time we told you what happens to Joffrey. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2393 Yes Felix he does have the same hair colour as you and yes he is the President. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2394 Well, yes. Being a god would be a little better than being a king. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2395 Rex is very literal. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2396 Mr. Whiskers, it's time to discuss curtailing some of your spending habits. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2397 I'm glad we decided not to have children 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2398 We should have been dog people. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2399 Stop feeding his delusions of grandeur dear. Bad enough we've got a president who thinks he's king. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2400 He's a real cat's cat. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2401 First of all, this isn't the Jungle. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2402 He requests that you make him laugh. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2403 Would it be okay if we had a child? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2404 We're not tasting your food. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2405 His name is Duke, and he will be staying with us for a while... 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2406 He thinks he's the cat's meow. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2407 Do you think Mr. Kibbles is watching too much Game of Thrones? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2408 Remind me again why we shouldn't have kids. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2409 Sorry Your Majesty but you can't have a chocolate souffle - you're a carnivore. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2410 We should have never named him "Majesty". 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2411 I told you we shouldn't have bought him the throne. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2412 Don't let that one mouse you caught go to your head. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2413 He's docile now, but you should see what happens when I turn off Fox News. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2414 Yes, Your Majkitty. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2415 ...and that's why we named you "Ennui". 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2416 Whose idea was the crown? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2417 Just tell us why you banished the owl. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2418 Too much googling again. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2419 Lord Biggelsworth has informed me we'll be sleeping on the cat bed tonight. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2420 Your Highness, why don't you try an energy drink. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2421 We can't agree who gets you in the divorce so we are making you part of the home sale. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2422 For the last time, we're not going to get you a mouse, and we're not your subjects. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2423 Ok, we promise. In your next life the dogs will lose. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2424 So, it's not the jungle. But it is all you survey. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2425 So . . . we're changing your name. We think we made a mistake naming you "Rex". 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2426 Absolute cat power corrupts absolutely 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2427 We agree to serve you but we draw the line at 'royal tasters.' 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2428 Would you like some milk to go with your caviar? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2429 He's a terrible king. But he's just so cute. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2430 Well, at least you're one up on Prince Charles. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2431 We switched to canned food. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2432 Buying her that crown was a catastrophe! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2433 King Catzilla's reign will end soon. He's on his ninth life. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2434 I'm disapointed, it still smells like a litter box. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2435 It's your fault. You named him Trump. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2436 What is it we can do to live up to your unrealistic expectations? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2437 His Majesty's Loyal Subjects make The Humble Request to tell us what flavor cat food you'll agree to eat! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2438 Who knew ruling could be so hard? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2439 Loyal subjects? Realm of your kingdom? No, your owners, our living room, and end to your game of throne. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2440 It all began when he decided to make the dining area great again. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2441 Well duh, I see the resemblance, I just think in 10 years we'll be sorry if we name him Trump 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2442 He just walked in, sat down, and hasn't said a thing for hours. I hope he's okay. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2443 Let's have children and re-align our priorities. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2444 THAT'S the new king of the beasts? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2445 This is how he gets when he is about to issue a decree. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2446 There was no easy way for us to say that you were adopted. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2447 Let's call him Senator 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2448 No, we won't bring the litter box "directly to the throne as needed." 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2449 Humans always need so much attention. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2450 But he's already president. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2451 Is our little King of the Beasts glum this morning? 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2452 He began acting this way about the time the dog disappeared. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2453 Would you consider a constitutional monarchy at the very least? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2454 You're not a king and this is not the jungle. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2455 Kings don't eat catnip to excess. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2456 I told you Trump was a poor choice of name. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2457 We're quite aware that you're not our best friend, Sire. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2458 It appears the sickly King Snowball VIII will soon become King Snowball IX. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2459 Okay fine, maybe I did mother him too much. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2460 I know the divorce has been tough on you, but let's hear what Sprinkles has to say. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2461 We told you to go easy on the catnip. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2462 We wanted you to be old enough, so that you could understand. Henry, you were adopted. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2463 I think we should cancel her subscription to "Human Psychology". 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2464 Will his Majesty at least chase a few mice? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2465 King of the Hill? Nope, Duke of the Dumpster. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2466 We're saving the furniture. If it never reigns, it paws. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2467 He even told me I wasn't worthy of wet food. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2468 At least the dog won the popular vote. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2469 Yes, you're the king! But no one is losing their head! 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2470 I wonder what the cat is thinking tonight. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2471 Well, if you're going to take it like that, maybe you shouldn't be watching Game of Thrones. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2472 Listen up......We're going to stop buying your damned boots. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2473 We should try making him feel relevant again. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2474 You know,I'm thinking maybe I would like to get pregnant. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2475 Do you think the Vet is right when he says we're enabling hum? 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2476 He says 'Fritzie' is all over, and from now on, it's 'Cat King Cole.' 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2477 Looks like you had a full day. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2478 It was a mistake letting him watch that Lion King DVD. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2479 Queen for a Day obviously isn't working. Let's try Make a Deal. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2480 Yes, it's true. You were adopted. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2481 Has anyone even talked to the dog about all of this? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2482 Love it 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2483 The kitty litter has been replaced with gold dust as you requested, your Highness. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2484 He logged on to ancestor.com and found out that he comes from royalty. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2485 Shouldn't we get her a bigger throne? After all, that was the biggest New York Rat I've ever seen and we live next to Trump Tower. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2486 She's pondering abdication 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2487 OK ... a purple velvet scratching post is going too far! 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2488 Is this what they mean by 'Wag the dog?' 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2489 Bob and I are getting a dog - for us 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2490 As first Valet de Chambre, you get to clean his litter box. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2491 At least it has kept him off the couch. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2492 I guess, like Donald Trump, he found being a monarch is not so easy 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2493 Catpeople are still people, Snuggles. And we demand certain liberties. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2494 Your faithful subjects are here, you majesty. What is your bidding? 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2495 I'm sure the Lannisters will be delighted to hear news of your allegiance. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2496 He's hoping to get the White House gig 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2497 You'll always be our little prince, but we're getting a divorce. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2498 You're old enough now to know the truth. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2499 You actually told people he has no clothes? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2500 I think he's depressed about the political situation. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2501 Ok honey...I think the catnip is kicking in! 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2502 Sorry, your majesty, but neutering just can't be reversed. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2503 I know, I know, we voted for Trump too. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2504 Maybe if you tried to just talk to him, I mean really talk. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2505 Well..he did say the fat cats were taking over. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2506 Let's call him Donald. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2507 I know its not Westeros, but the Upper West Side isn't bad. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2508 When you come from a shelter, you can't have heirs. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2509 I know it's deflating when your subjects ignore you, but you'll always be king in our house. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2510 Are you sure he is supposed to behave like this? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2511 I love Leo, but I think the "King of the Beasts" should be significantly larger. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2512 It looks like he has become tired of being the King. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2513 The dog will no longer be a problem; we are still working on the child 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2514 It's your fault for naming him Rex. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2515 He's been like this ever since the presidential inauguration. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2516 maybe he needs a queen. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2517 At least he can't tweet! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2518 The vet said feline insecurity cases were rare but this should help. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2519 It's simple really. He's demanding a loyalty oath or security will escort you out. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2520 Dr. he felt invincible and then called the New Yorker 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2521 I think we should just have a kid. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2522 Please try to understand. We loved your gift, but that chipmunk's innards were starting to smell. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2523 If it pleases your majesty, dinner will be served after the cleaning of the royal poo box and the removal of the hairballs from the red carpet. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2524 We can’t leave the TV on these 24 hour news channels anymore when we leave. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2525 No, I think Edward needs to hear this as this concerns him. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2526 It's really O.K. you're a cat, not a lion. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2527 You have to accept that Game of Thrones is just a TV show. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2528 We need help. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2529 Neither one of us thinks the robe makes you look fat. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2530 For a moment I thought it was a toad stool. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2531 He's left us no options, we have to stage a coup. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2532 We decided to enforce a tuna ban. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2533 He wants a Twitter account. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2534 We should have neutered him when we had the chance. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2535 The taxidermist did a wonderful job with Prince. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2536 He is still a bit depressed, should we get him a taller chair? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2537 It's still a jungle, just urban. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2538 Kids would be easier. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2539 How will you solve this problem with North Korea? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2540 It's time for your highness' pill. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2541 He saw your Ancestry report. He knows you're Egyptian. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2542 Let's name her 'Catleesi, Queen of Felines, Ruler of Mice.' 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2543 So you are changing your name to Cat King Cole? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2544 The catbird seat isn't always what it's cracked up to be. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2545 This is just to remind us that it really is all about him. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2546 This is what we get for letting him watch Garfield. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2547 It could be worse, he could think he's President of the United States. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2548 I thought we were training him to use the porcelain throne. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2549 You know, it's not a crime to abdicate. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2550 Guess we need to brush up on our parenting skills! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2551 We feel you need more work as our Emotional Support Cat. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2552 He demands our loyalty. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2553 I still don't get why they call me the cat lady. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2554 Please sire, return his tongue. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2555 We've given you what you wanted; now what can you do for us? 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2556 He just binge-watched Game of Thrones. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2557 I believe he wants a Fancy Feast. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2558 Who's going to tell him, you or me? 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2559 Now get the nail clipper. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2560 Heavy is the meow that wears the crown. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2561 And when you grow up, you can be King of all the jungle. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2562 Okay, but no more sushi. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2563 And I want Trump in big gold letters on the outside of my litter box. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2564 I blame false praise. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2565 'Our catnip source left town, can we interest you in never frozen Alaskan salmon?' 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2566 We really are getting a dog. That isn't fake news. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2567 Still less work than a baby... 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2568 I know he is a dictator, but he is a benevolent dictator. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2569 We hate to tell you this, but it was a fake mouse. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2570 There's been a coup de cat. Hand over the crown. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2571 And we would like you to be more accurate when using the Royal Litter Box. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2572 Maybe we're dog people? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2573 Now, this throne feels purrfect. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2574 I just figured we might as well embrace it. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2575 We’re all here together because we want you to accept our help, your highness. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2576 Has he always reacted to Fancy Feast in this manner? 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2577 You give them everything and they're still not satisfied... 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2578 After she gives birth, determining succession will not be easy. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2579 Who knew? A eunuch king. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2580 Hey , what can we do to cheer up our dear leader?...do you think a new pussy will do? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2581 Maybe we're spoiling him? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2582 Do you think a scepter will make him sit properly? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2583 There's no easy way to tell you, I'm pregnant... 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2584 We concede. You do rule the roost! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2585 Maybe the king is never wrong, but at least the king uses the litter box. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2586 It's about that stupid box. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2587 I call him "King of the Studio Apartment in a 5th Floor Walk Up in a Concrete Jungle." 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2588 "Gay Paree"? They stole my boots at the airport! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2589 Clearly your king of the castle was never mentioned in your profile. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2590 Honey, I think you've misconstrued some of my dirty talk. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2591 So Maestro, you are the cat that ate the rat, somehow I thought you would not let it go to your head ! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2592 Tough day, Princess? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2593 We're having a baby so we'll be needing that crown back. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2594 Company's coming, Your Highness. We need you to go incognito for the afternoon. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2595 Dad, I really don't think we should name him Napoleon. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2596 Sorry I was catty this morning, Your Grace. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2597 It's just easier this way. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2598 What do mean "Royal Canin"is just a marketing brand? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2599 I know what's the problem, Lovey. The crown's too heavy, isn't it? 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2600 It would be half so bad if she'd just acknowledge us once in a while. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2601 Don't you this he's taking this "Emperor's New Clothes" thing a bit too far? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2602 Maybe we should have sent the taxidermist a better picture. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2603 I know cats rule the house but this is ridiculous! 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2604 He's been like this ever since the dog died. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2605 He wants to go back to the alley. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2606 Honey, I thought you locked the liquor cabinet. You know what happens His Majesty mixes his catnip with the bourbon. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2607 I know the doctor said to get a service pet, but I'm not sure this is working. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2608 The taxidermist I took him to is a big Game of Thrones fan. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2609 Checkmate. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2610 not so lonely at top 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2611 As King of the Urban Jungle, I want salmon, toast crusts and tuna for brunch, and I want it NOW. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2612 Don't blame me -- you're the one who gave him a complex! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2613 I knew I shouldn't have eaten the entire four-and-twenty blackbird pie... 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2614 Your Highness, the pugs are planning a coup. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2615 ....I think she looks more like a 'Hillary' 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2616 I'm not feeling it 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2617 No, we can't keep farm animals in the basement just so you can have fresh food. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2618 But John, we control the popular vote. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2619 When he arrived, he said he was not a politician 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2620 Just because we call you Queenie does not mean you can order us to carry you to the litter box. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2621 We need to talk about your YouTube channel. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2622 We're happy the mouse is gone, but did you have to behead it? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2623 His other throne is a sandbox. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2624 We named you King, but we almost named you Cuddles. Remember that. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2625 Of course, sweetie,all cats use the "royal we" and expect to be served. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2626 But is it 'his' or 'her' royal highness? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2627 We never should never have taken him to The Lion King. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2628 I'm not sure that he's any happier, but he sure seems to have made it clear that we are his loyal subjects. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2629 Would that be a beck or a call! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2630 So the domain name, King Tabby, is taken. You'll come up with an even better one. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2631 Yes, your ancestors were kings of the jungle, but this is the 'burbs'. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2632 I guess those cat food commercials are real. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2633 I don't care how many mice you've caught. We are not launching an assassination attempt against the neighbors' dog. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2634 After King Cole is done with his pipe, you know not to completely fill his bowl! Did you forget? No..., that's why the Pink Floyd and not the Fiddlers Three. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2635 She had 7 kittens. One of them must be a male! 1.1731 0.07120 52 46 3 3
2636 We understand it's "good to be the cat," but you still have to use the litter box. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2637 Remember . . . it all started a year ago with that fancy collar, and now we're having to get her freakin' sand from the beach at Monte Carlo. Yes, I think you could definitely say we've spoiled her! 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2638 Next time let’s just go with a nice urn. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2639 Mommy and daddy are very disappointed in your behavior. Eating Timmy's hamster is a big no thank you. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2640 Sire, the royal litter box is ready. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2641 What if Allen sautes my heart with diced liver and serves it glazed with a light cream sauce? Would that make you happy? 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2642 Don't worry, Princess. He won't try to grab my pussy. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2643 Maybe your abdication was a bit hasty,you have three more lives left at least. 1.1731 0.07120 52 46 3 3
2644 this came free with the new TV 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2645 I wish you treated me the same way. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2646 Since you're not willing to relocate to an actual jungle, I'm afraid King of the Co-op will just have to do. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2647 Its just that your pomposity wears us down 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2648 You've changed after hitting one million followers, Pumpkin. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2649 Yep, I think he's ready. Now we just have to wait 'til the 2020 election. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2650 ...you wanted the sex change and got it, now you can't continue wearing the Queen's crown, you're confusing the children. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2651 I know you're bored, but vanquishing the schnauzer in 3C is ill-advised at this time. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2652 Are you still absolutely one-hundred percent positive that you want to get a dog? 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2653 You're the one who insisted on Fancy Feast. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2654 Your name is "Roy," not "Roi." 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2655 You know what they say... Curiosity killed the humans. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2656 Just so we're clear - there will be no princes or princesses. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2657 He's a hairless cat! You should never have told him the story of the emperor who had no clothes! 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2658 Dave, scratch my belly. Marilyn, collect the taxes. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2659 In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have given him bottled water. 1.1731 0.07120 52 46 3 3
2660 Maybe we spoil her. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2661 He seems to be getting worse since he's been in therapy. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2662 " I'm running low on catnip " ! 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2663 You said this would just be a phase. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2664 It was indeed a tough pageant win! 1.1731 0.07120 52 46 3 3
2665 I think she's having one of her First World problems again. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2666 Cats don't have owners, they have subjects! 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2667 You know they really are regal animals. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2668 She's gotten everything she's ever wanted, but I draw the line at naming her top dog. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2669 We still have eight lives to go. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2670 Stop taking my dirty talk literally. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2671 Sorry, Queen Tabby, you'll have to remove the cape in order to use that potty chair. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2672 Cat fights are serious. In our eyes, you won. 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
2673 I know you don't want to hear this, but it's entirely possible that in your next life you'll be the mouse. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2674 He not really a king. He just acts like one. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2675 Maybe he'll act more royal as time goes on. 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2676 He just hasn't been the same since the mice democratized. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2677 Did you remember to change his highness' chamber pot? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2678 Your Majesty, your Royal Litter Box is ready. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2679 Go get the court jester. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2680 Oh, Jared; I had no idea how hard it was to be king! 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2681 I still think that Rex is a dog's name 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2682 He thinks he's Donald Trump 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2683 Yes, but were going to empty your litter box anyway. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2684 I don't care, this is not better than having kids. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2685 I say no more of that roasted swan with savory greens. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2686 But you went as a pirate last year! 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2687 Phil, I think we need an intervention for Mr. Furry Pants. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2688 Your Highness, your royal kitty litter is ready. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2689 I don't like cats and now I know why. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2690 It's time for the royal de-worming. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2691 "And you want us to have kids"? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2692 Kings roar - that was a meow. You're a CAT! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2693 I told you not to give him so much Fancy Feast. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2694 Can we ever be more than servants, Your Highness? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2695 Cheer up, after The Orange One you'll reign again. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2696 All he really wanted was a catnip mouse. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2697 "I think we need to call Animal Planet"! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2698 Pipe, bowl, fiddlers three and still a sense of ennui. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2699 Even the queen of England would lack dignity with this pose. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2700 This "high and mighty" attitude has gone too far. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2701 Don't worry, Jingles, having to poop in a box doesn't make you any less of a king. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2702 I never thought I'd go along with this crazy taxidermy idea of yours, but it really does feel like Squeezles is still with us! 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2703 You may polish my crown and you may clean the royal box. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2704 You fixed me so I can't make an heir, so no children for you. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2705 So you think that your king for a day? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2706 So Pussycat, Pussycat I guess you did more than just look at the Queen 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2707 I guess there are some jewels you just can't replace. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2708 You shouldn't have given him that last daiquiri 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2709 Do you think we need to take away his catnip? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2710 His weight has finally justified the royal plural. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2711 OK we are totally listening to you. So how does it feel ruling the World ? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2712 He's discovered that the seat of power isn't an Easy Chair! 1.1667 0.04852 60 50 10 0
2713 I forgot to turn of National Geographic when I left this morning 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2714 Do you think we're treating him too much like royalty? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2715 He wants gold litter. 1.1667 0.07493 48 43 2 3
2716 It's time for a dog. 1.1667 0.07493 48 43 2 3
2717 We know. You ate the whole Whopper. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2718 I'm not sold on the name The Donald. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2719 How could you have put catnip on my favorite pillow? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2720 I am going to ask you one more time, when do you last see the puppy? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2721 I'm guessing he's been binge watching while we're out. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2722 But cats don't have a President. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2723 I have to admit we have a lot more fun now that he's dead. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2724 Yes, we do think you're royalty. But Rex and King are dogs' names. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2725 We shouldn't have named him Rex. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2726 Let's stop letting him watch cable news unsupervised. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2727 I told you the cat has an attitude! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2728 Shouldn't we run the family meetings? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2729 'Honey, you have to tell him. He's not the king of the jungle.' 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2730 He's a little more benevolent now that he's older. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2731 Despite this constant negative puss, catfefe. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2732 Your grace, please regale us of your laser pointer conquests once more. 1.1639 0.05811 61 53 6 2
2733 Always remember...cats rule! 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2734 Now do you see we know our place? 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2735 And the gerbil could be his jester... 1.1