Contest #573


Cartoon

573


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-06-19
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-07-02 (estimated)
Number of captions 4950
Number of responses 366782
Number of participants 10838


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 It's the Heineken maneuver. 2.0554 0.01407 3212 937 1160 1115
1 I have a hunch I'm in the placebo group. 2.0410 0.01266 3656 999 1508 1149
2 My blood alcohol was dangerously low. 2.0317 0.01318 3340 918 1398 1024
3 I have no idea, but it was the only thing TrumpCare would pay for. 2.0079 0.01512 2770 866 1016 888
4 You have to leave now. Visiting hours are over and happy hours are starting. 1.9839 0.01235 3608 1022 1622 964
5 They say I should be up and staggering around in a day or two. 1.9523 0.01857 1719 552 697 470
6 You don't want to know about the catheter. 1.9491 0.01498 2848 986 1021 841
7 We're going to need a bigger bedpan. 1.9458 0.01848 1865 647 672 546
8 Yes my doctor was in my fraternity - what's your point? 1.9448 0.01348 3172 1006 1335 831
9 Doc said two Pils every four hours. 1.9198 0.02144 1396 508 492 396
10 I said, "Give it to me straight, Doc" 1.9150 0.01386 3140 1092 1223 825
11 I've been told to keep my spirits up. 1.9125 0.01776 1851 628 757 466
12 It's the new Trumpcare. It won't cure me but at least now I don't give a damn. 1.9068 0.02088 1374 481 540 353
13 It's suprisingly good for hospital beer. 1.9005 0.01409 2934 1015 1196 723
14 Thought I’d finish off the old liver before I get a new one. 1.8880 0.01590 2571 995 869 707
15 The ale for what cures you. 1.8750 0.02951 744 293 251 200
16 This is what happens when you're admitted to a university hospital on the weekend. 1.8728 0.01635 2209 810 870 529
17 Thank goodness for the Affordable Beer Act. 1.8717 0.01934 1613 603 614 396
18 Blue Ribbon, Blue Shield ... It all sounded the same when I signed up for health care. 1.8584 0.02564 918 351 346 221
19 The doctor's coming in later to give me a shot. 1.8534 0.01875 1815 731 619 465
20 It's craft blood from a little bank in the Finger Lakes region. 1.8424 0.01932 1719 708 574 437
21 Couldn't you just use medical marijuana like everybody else. 1.8400 0.01867 1737 687 641 409
22 One is a placebo, the other's a single malt. 1.8165 0.02350 1019 397 412 210
23 I was just transferred to the fraternity ward. 1.8146 0.01846 1785 739 638 408
24 I'm aleing, Susan. 1.7992 0.01995 1564 675 528 361
25 Yea, this is the anesthesia you get when you have no insurance. 1.7983 0.03596 461 193 168 100
26 They gave a me choice of painkillers. 1.7961 0.01548 2119 798 955 366
27 Two cans ago I was beginning to question Trumpcare, but now, not so much. 1.7851 0.01861 1638 678 634 326
28 Medical license? No, but he has a liquor license. 1.7837 0.01511 2769 1239 890 640
29 He also wears a foam "we're #1" finger for my prostate exam. 1.7791 0.01975 1643 748 510 385
30 I'm supposed to push that button if I need more nachos. 1.7743 0.02280 1112 475 413 224
31 Things are different with Trumpcare. 1.7621 0.04722 269 120 93 56
32 It's the only treatment covered by my insurance. 1.7553 0.01494 2914 1391 845 678
33 They said my blood type is Bud positive. 1.7496 0.01693 2005 890 727 388
34 The doctor said to live it up while I still have insurance. 1.7492 0.02043 1288 548 515 225
35 Well, they said 'nothing by mouth.' What else was I to do? 1.7415 0.02079 1269 554 489 226
36 I miss Obamacare... 1.7345 0.02567 934 444 294 196
37 Doctor said I was down a couple of pints. 1.7205 0.01826 1599 712 622 265
38 I'll be up and walking soon, but not in a straight line. 1.7060 0.01799 1595 715 634 246
39 Please tell me there are salted peanuts in that bag 1.7013 0.02079 1242 574 465 203
40 Trust me, we're getting a second opinion. 1.6953 0.02719 686 310 275 101
41 It's not like I'm driving. 1.6883 0.02151 1142 535 428 179
42 The left arm is less filling. The right arm tastes great. 1.6730 0.03025 630 318 200 112
43 My HMO is an IPA. 1.6689 0.02096 1317 671 411 235
44 Luckily I talked them out of an enema! 1.6667 0.02003 1410 712 456 242
45 I think I better stay another night, dear, just to be safe. 1.6641 0.02809 640 305 245 90
46 The Republicans idea of anesthesia...cheap and accesible. 1.6574 0.02141 1261 654 385 222
47 When they're empty I get ten cents off my hospital bill. 1.6411 0.02904 638 327 213 98
48 They say he's the best beer, nose and throat doctor around. 1.6399 0.03210 536 279 171 86
49 Unfortunately, our health insurance plan only reimburses for domestic. 1.6395 0.02095 1154 575 420 159
50 Well, technically, these are fluids. 1.6345 0.02205 944 452 385 107
51 Trumped up, trickle down healthcare 1.6338 0.04219 325 175 94 56
52 I made it into the IV league. 1.6330 0.02234 1098 576 349 173
53 I'm getting the IV League treatment. 1.6323 0.03187 533 278 173 82
54 The remedy is way better than the disease, believe me. 1.6301 0.02558 730 359 282 89
55 My spirits are fine...why do you ask? 1.6225 0.02348 943 490 319 134
56 The nurse asked me how I was doing, and I said I could really use a couple of beers. 1.6162 0.02239 1050 555 343 152
57 And you said voting for this health care bill was a bad idea. 1.6136 0.02289 1012 539 325 148
58 Insurance said the Keg was out-of-network. 1.6135 0.02372 890 461 312 117
59 They're measuring my carbonation footprint. 1.6116 0.02592 1048 651 153 244
60 They told me this is how they do it here in Milwaukee. 1.6103 0.02481 793 408 286 99
61 The doctor said he'll check on me at half time. 1.6016 0.03611 379 199 132 48
62 I told you the health care benefit package at the brewery was great. 1.6003 0.02627 703 367 250 86
63 It tastes great and is less billing. 1.5995 0.02475 884 487 264 133
64 Next time lets not select the red neck plan 1.5958 0.02541 851 475 245 131
65 I'm starting to think that this isn't a real hospital. 1.5945 0.03397 439 236 145 58
66 Sorry, everything goes out one ear and out the other. 1.5930 0.02710 833 493 186 154
67 Trump's tweets are making more sense every day. 1.5874 0.02959 601 333 183 85
68 You're looking better by the minute...... 1.5852 0.02623 757 419 233 105
69 Nothing between my beers ????? 1.5829 0.02822 736 433 177 126
70 The doctor only said I couldn't DRINK beer. 1.5796 0.02586 716 385 247 84
71 Medical marijuana is so 2015. 1.5775 0.02680 658 353 230 75
72 Now, this is what I call IV league treatment! 1.5766 0.04491 274 158 74 42
73 It's a little more hoppy than my last IV. 1.5765 0.02856 562 298 204 60
74 It's not care exactly, but it is affordable. 1.5763 0.02920 557 300 193 64
75 I went with the Paul Ryan form of cheap anesthesia. 1.5752 0.05916 153 87 44 22
76 They gave me a choice of IVs and I went for the microbrew. 1.5701 0.02773 635 350 208 77
77 The barber says it's time to lower my beers. 1.5690 0.03209 638 406 101 131
78 Meds in beds? Booze in twos? This IV is what I choose. 1.5654 0.03079 612 368 142 102
79 I thought if I asked a bunch of questions I'd look stupid. 1.5644 0.03276 466 262 145 59
80 Here comes the nurse with my shots. 1.5640 0.03085 516 288 165 63
81 It's my only option under the new government health plan. 1.5636 0.03072 582 342 152 88
82 I can stop drinking simply by raising my arms 1.5587 0.02948 571 323 177 71
83 Best. Disease. EVER! 1.5543 0.03030 543 310 165 68
84 now the left hand knows what the right hand is doing. 1.5541 0.03329 545 340 108 97
85 They said I've got two years. Or maybe it was two beers. Whatever. 1.5529 0.03070 539 311 158 70
86 I was self-medicating at home, until I learned that my insurance covers it. 1.5523 0.03000 545 310 169 66
87 I have a 24-ounce deductible. 1.5511 0.03037 528 300 165 63
88 No, it's actually drawing the beer OUT of my body 1.5469 0.03467 426 249 121 56
89 They found traces of blood in my alcoholstream. 1.5380 0.03229 474 277 139 58
90 The doctor says I have only three months to party. 1.5369 0.03405 434 256 123 55
91 The doctor is an old fraternity brother. Why? 1.5355 0.03263 465 273 135 57
92 No, no...it's completely different from beer, it's medicinal beer. 1.5353 0.03407 439 261 121 57
93 It’s a mix of beer, electrolytes, adrenaline and hopeless optimism. 1.5345 0.03229 449 258 142 49
94 You have to admire a hospital that considers every alternative to opioids. 1.5320 0.03209 453 261 143 49
95 He's the nation's top artisanal anesthetist. 1.5301 0.03450 432 260 115 57
96 It turns out that my mother was right. I have nothing between my ears. 1.5287 0.03700 435 280 80 75
97 One of them is the placebo. 1.5247 0.03526 425 261 105 59
98 If this ale doesn't do the trick, my plan will cover stepping up to a nice merlot. 1.5223 0.03369 404 235 127 42
99 Yeah, but in Canada they have to wait forever. 1.5203 0.03858 369 232 82 55
100 I got the idea as I passed out while shotgunning. 1.5202 0.03908 396 260 66 70
101 It's a Bud transfusion. 1.5178 0.03579 394 240 104 50
102 I've moved on to Buschcare. 1.5176 0.03869 313 185 94 34
103 Even intravenously, Miller Lite tastes awful. 1.5130 0.03575 384 233 105 46
104 It makes visiting hours more tolerable 1.5096 0.07099 104 65 25 14
105 Oh for god's sake, Andrew, it's only a colonoscopy. 1.5094 0.03628 371 226 101 44
106 It's supposed to measure if I have anything between the ears. 1.5094 0.03843 371 237 79 55
107 My surgeon, Dr. Pepper, may have a connection to the beverage industry. 1.5056 0.03694 354 216 97 41
108 I just found out my insurance doesn't cover anesthesia 1.5048 0.03870 313 189 90 34
109 You should see what the catheter looks like. 1.5044 0.04043 343 223 67 53
110 Remember? We switched from Kaiser to Budweiser. 1.5015 0.03564 341 201 109 31
111 Blue Cross? No, Blue Ribbon. 1.4981 0.04227 261 159 74 28
112 The HMO won't pay for the pain medication, so they're just going to keep me drunk. 1.4938 0.03765 322 196 93 33
113 How could I say no to medical research? 1.4936 0.03834 314 192 89 33
114 I found Doctor Brewski on the Internet, why do you ask? 1.4922 0.03816 319 196 89 34
115 Thank God it's a pre-existing condition. 1.4921 0.03860 317 196 86 35
116 I think it's you Doris, who has the problem. 1.4920 0.03896 313 194 84 35
117 They tell me it's called hopnotherapy. 1.4903 0.03916 308 191 83 34
118 Doc says I should be tailgating again in no time. 1.4888 0.03922 313 196 81 36
119 Believe it or not, this is the twelfth step. 1.4886 0.04058 307 196 72 39
120 I'm multi-flasking. 1.4868 0.03870 304 187 86 31
121 Frankly, I don't want to beat this thing. 1.4846 0.03945 293 181 82 30
122 Wait until you see how they serve the jello. 1.4829 0.04242 292 191 61 40
123 My Bud count was low! 1.4814 0.04041 295 187 74 34
124 I'm sort of liking the pre-op coverage from our new health insurance plan. 1.4814 0.03588 295 172 104 19
125 This is all the new health plan would cover. 1.4810 0.04162 289 186 67 36
126 After reviewing my medical options, I've decided to keep the party going. 1.4790 0.04075 286 181 73 32
127 It's the stadium version of trickle down healthcare 1.4746 0.04055 276 173 75 28
128 So this is Trumpcare? 1.4746 0.04398 276 184 53 39
129 This disease may take my health, but I will not let it take my dignity. 1.4745 0.04269 274 178 62 34
130 It's not what you think, Katherine. They're chicken noodle soup. 1.4723 0.04008 271 168 78 25
131 Marijuana's easy--try getting a prescription for beer. 1.4699 0.04429 266 177 53 36
132 Don't worry, insurance is picking up the tab. 1.4699 0.03991 266 164 79 23
133 Insurance insisted on generic. It's Miller Lite. 1.4697 0.03903 264 160 84 20
134 I want to go with indignity. 1.4674 0.04080 261 163 74 24
135 Just until my lips heal. 1.4674 0.04044 261 162 76 23
136 I'm trying out the new healthcare plan, Redneckcare. 1.4653 0.06684 101 64 27 10
137 The nurse says I can have more chicken wings at eleven. 1.4648 0.04282 256 165 63 28
138 After the beer therapy they're moving me to the martini ward. 1.4646 0.04307 254 164 62 28
139 For the last time Margaret I DID give up drinking. Now I'm infusing! 1.4637 0.03952 248 150 81 17
140 Wait til you see what I did with the catheter. 1.4618 0.04656 249 170 43 36
141 You are soooo beautiful 1.4590 0.04240 244 155 66 23
142 It's never too late to listen to your body. 1.4561 0.04178 239 150 69 20
143 This is why I chose Our Lady Of Perpetual Happy Hour Hospital. 1.4556 0.07269 90 59 21 10
144 I can hear the ocean. 1.4538 0.04396 238 155 58 25
145 Best. Colonoscopy. Ever. 1.4530 0.04691 234 159 44 31
146 Cerebral bypass ... Trump invented it. 1.4526 0.04722 232 158 43 31
147 Wanna hook up? 1.4498 0.04604 229 153 49 27
148 I'm I.P.A. positive 1.4493 0.04717 227 154 44 29
149 Maybe "fraternity sponsored clinical trial" should have tipped you off. 1.4469 0.04342 226 145 61 20
150 Don't give me that look, it's Blood Light. 1.4469 0.04519 226 149 53 24
151 No co-pay and it comes with nachos. 1.4459 0.04489 222 145 55 22
152 Hey, you made it for happy hour. 1.4459 0.04623 222 148 49 25
153 Turns out the Doctor is an old fraternity brother. 1.4424 0.04014 217 132 74 11
154 Apparently I responded "beer" when asked about current medication. 1.4419 0.04299 215 136 63 16
155 The private health insurance coverage plan tailored to sports enthusiasts did not turn out to be what Brenda envisioned when Mark had described it to her. 1.4419 0.05171 215 155 25 35
156 Insurance only covered one of them, but that looked ridiculous. 1.4419 0.04732 215 145 45 25
157 Exactly what was their excuse for taking me off the liver transplant list? 1.4408 0.04937 211 146 37 28
158 Hey, it's Anheuser Busch Medical Center. What did you expect? 1.4393 0.04461 214 139 56 19
159 I'm trying to listen to what my body is telling me. 1.4387 0.04589 212 140 51 21
160 This second opinion thing was a good idea. 1.4381 0.04098 210 129 70 11
161 Don't ask where they put the catheter. 1.4381 0.04814 210 143 42 25
162 We already met the deductible so I figured why not? 1.4375 0.04500 208 135 55 18
163 Wait'll you see how I have to take the pills. 1.4335 0.04984 203 141 36 26
164 It was this or medical marijuana 1.4335 0.04629 203 134 50 19
165 I think I might be getting the placebo. 1.4335 0.04522 203 132 54 17
166 The Doctor said, "Take Dos Equis and call me in the morning." 1.4309 0.05029 181 122 40 19
167 Now go put on your nurse outfit. 1.4307 0.04536 202 132 53 17
168 I've changed my mind about holistic therapy. 1.4293 0.04312 198 125 61 12
169 The doc says I can resume normal asinine activities as soon as my beer levels are stabilized. 1.4286 0.04632 196 129 50 17
170 You have nothing to worry about. My blood type is IPA. 1.4286 0.04632 196 129 50 17
171 Well, this is a college hospital after all. 1.4255 0.04648 188 123 50 15
172 The doctor and me were at lager heads. 1.4255 0.04828 188 126 44 18
173 They say I'm in recovery! Just don't know what from. 1.4241 0.04349 191 121 59 11
174 Where did you find this Dr. Coors? 1.4202 0.04704 188 125 47 16
175 This hospital's patient satisfaction numbers are off the charts! 1.4194 0.04552 186 121 52 13
176 Turns out my doctor and I were in the same fraternity. 1.4194 0.04739 186 124 46 16
177 It beats the pizza suppositories. 1.4176 0.04997 182 125 38 19
178 Well, I think second opinions are overrated. 1.4176 0.04485 182 117 54 11
179 No, Elaine, as I recall the deal was I'd quit drinking 1.4144 0.04698 181 120 47 14
180 Goes in one ear and out the other apparently. 1.4144 0.04827 181 122 43 16
181 This is all I can have until my credit report comes back. 1.4144 0.04698 181 120 47 14
182 Hey, it's just two. Your brother's in the next room with a full six-pack. 1.4138 0.04965 174 118 40 16
183 Yes it's beer, but technically I'm no longer drinking. 1.4138 0.05097 174 120 36 18
184 I went through a tunnel, there was light, and pizza, lots of pizza. 1.4114 0.04942 175 119 40 16
185 I have a headache in both arms. 1.4114 0.04942 175 119 40 16
186 I wanted the champagne flutes, but our insurance wouldn't cover it. 1.4114 0.04808 175 117 44 14
187 Dolores, I'm telling you, if they don't have an insurance code for this, I'm going to owe this place a fortune. 1.4094 0.04813 171 114 44 13
188 It was either this or a funnel. 1.4072 0.05247 167 117 32 18
189 What pain? 1.4070 0.04999 172 118 38 16
190 I don't have a problem, honey. I have a prescription. 1.4070 0.04422 172 110 54 8
191 Only 2 out of 5 doctors recommend it, but they're really good doctors. 1.4070 0.04647 172 113 48 11
192 The Dr. told me to stop drinking. 1.4070 0.04647 172 113 48 11
193 Apparently the intern belonged to a fraternity. 1.4070 0.05067 172 119 36 17
194 ya'know, I am feeling better. Must be the new meds. 1.4070 0.04573 172 112 50 10
195 Try not to look alarmed.......but I'm pretty sure these aren't real doctors. 1.4070 0.04498 172 111 52 9
196 I can hear the ocean. 1.4061 0.05222 165 115 33 17
197 The operation is working; you look better already. 1.4052 0.05282 153 105 34 14
198 Paul Ryan says it WILL be covered under the GOP healthcare bill. 1.4051 0.05239 158 109 34 15
199 It's not helping with the spasms but I'm much better with my lager rhythms. 1.4049 0.05195 163 113 34 16
200 And then they took my pulse with a big foam finger! 1.4048 0.05012 168 115 38 15
201 They told me it's called Bloodweiser. 1.4048 0.04794 168 112 44 12
202 Apparently, there was too much blood in my alcohol system. 1.4036 0.04679 166 109 47 10
203 At this point, they say they just want me to be comfortable. 1.4036 0.04907 166 112 41 13
204 I'm dying for some pretzels. 1.4036 0.05054 166 114 37 15
205 Okay, so you were right. Everything does go in one ear and out the other. 1.4036 0.04600 166 108 49 9
206 It's part of their new Blue Cross/ Pabst Blue Ribbon treatment plan. 1.4024 0.05097 164 113 36 15
207 My employer went with a plan that excludes general anesthesia. 1.3988 0.05403 163 117 27 19
208 It only hurts when I think. 1.3988 0.05609 163 120 21 22
209 it's in one ear and out the other 1.3988 0.05332 163 116 29 18
210 The tests indicated that my hops level was dangerously low. 1.3988 0.05115 163 113 35 15
211 Doctor's order, Mom... I swear ! 1.3988 0.04809 163 109 43 11
212 It's a double by-Pabst. 1.3975 0.05006 161 110 38 13
213 The doctor prescribed it to take the edge off of visiting hours. 1.3975 0.04768 161 107 44 10
214 The worst part is having a giant foam hand for catheter. 1.3975 0.05159 161 112 34 15
215 They granted my final wish. 1.3963 0.05305 164 117 29 18
216 Since the election, merely drinking wasn't enough. 1.3963 0.05234 164 116 31 17
217 We should have gotten a better plan. 1.3962 0.05204 159 111 33 15
218 Now health care is great again. 1.3957 0.05557 139 97 29 13
219 They used a foam finger for my prostate exam 1.3949 0.05626 157 115 22 20
220 Doc says my IPA count is way low. 1.3949 0.05092 157 108 36 13
221 There's too much blood in my alcohol stream. 1.3949 0.05172 157 109 34 14
222 You don't want to know where they put the salted nuts.... 1.3949 0.05404 157 112 28 17
223 What ales you? 1.3949 0.05250 157 110 32 15
224 Don't look at me that way. I did keep my promise to never drink again. 1.3949 0.04846 157 105 42 10
225 Of course I trust him. We were fraternity brothers. 1.3935 0.05298 155 109 31 15
226 I asked for imported but my insurance only pays for domestic. 1.3935 0.05298 155 109 31 15
227 The BRONZE HEALTH PLAN was too expensive,, so I signed us up for the ALUMINUM PLAN ! 1.3922 0.05014 153 104 38 11
228 Apparently I've too much blood in my alcohol system. 1.3922 0.05265 153 107 32 14
229 The doctor said two drinks a day wouldn't kill me. 1.3922 0.05265 153 107 32 14
230 They're trying to replace the toxins I lost when you had me on Gwyenth Paltrow's diet. 1.3922 0.04840 153 102 42 9
231 I'm dying with dignity. 1.3922 0.05426 153 109 28 16
232 Would you get the nurse? I'd like another shot. 1.3882 0.04764 152 101 43 8
233 it's a device that monitors a patient's gullibility. 1.3882 0.04944 152 103 39 10
234 How'd you know the guys stopped by earlier? 1.3882 0.05117 152 105 35 12
235 What placebo group? 1.3882 0.05117 152 105 35 12
236 It only hurts when I'm sober. 1.3882 0.04672 152 100 45 7
237 Don't worry. This is just until the doctors figure out what's going on. 1.3882 0.05031 152 104 37 11
238 Our new health plan doesn't cover straws... 1.3873 0.05460 142 100 29 13
239 Hey honey, what is never thirsty and has two free hands at all times? 1.3867 0.05249 150 105 32 13
240 It is fortunate that my blood type was a match to these donor beers. 1.3867 0.04804 150 100 42 8
241 My blood alcohol level is dangerously low. 1.3851 0.04748 148 98 43 7
242 My doctor is one of my frat brothers. 1.3851 0.05210 148 103 33 12
243 He's the doctor I met at AA. 1.3837 0.07242 86 62 15 9
244 Bring your own IV day. 1.3836 0.05853 146 109 18 19
245 You should see where they put the pretzels. 1.3836 0.05772 146 108 20 18
246 Well, in the Republicans' new healthcare plan, my IV has been replaced with Bud Light. 1.3836 0.05258 146 102 32 12
247 So what I’m hearing is, you didn’t bring nachos. Like I asked. 1.3835 0.05720 133 95 25 13
248 It's what happens when frat boys get into medical school. 1.3819 0.05215 144 100 33 11
249 I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for thirst aid. 1.3813 0.04832 139 92 41 6
250 I like my morphine shaken not stirred. 1.3803 0.05718 142 104 22 16
251 Tomorrow I want you to bring a camera and a malpractice lawyer's phone number. 1.3803 0.05167 142 98 34 10
252 Wackiest @&$#%*€ rehab I've ever been in! 1.3803 0.05357 142 100 30 12
253 From Amazon. Why? 1.3803 0.05357 142 100 30 12
254 Now I can hear my arms. 1.3802 0.05898 121 86 24 11
255 Do the math, Katherine. By doubling up my fluids, I'll be out in half the time. 1.3786 0.05015 140 95 37 8
256 It eases the pain of not having health insurance. 1.3759 0.05282 141 99 31 11
257 Apparently it works better than a morphine drip. 1.3759 0.05185 141 98 33 10
258 It's like a nicotine patch for beer. 1.3759 0.05185 141 98 33 10
259 When this is over, let's review our health insurance plan. 1.3759 0.05087 141 97 35 9
260 I've got a catheter and I take my beer intravenously, so I never need to get out of bed. 1.3750 0.05903 144 109 16 19
261 The one on the right tastes great and the one on the left is less filling. 1.3741 0.05333 139 98 30 11
262 Just two more treatments, Mom, and I'll be completely weaned from college. 1.3741 0.05333 139 98 30 11
263 The doctor said this Bud's for flu. 1.3741 0.05429 139 99 28 12
264 And he says I can't mow the lawn for 6 months. And I need a new big screen. 1.3741 0.05333 139 98 30 11
265 Go ahead and call it "Guzzle Head," but here we use the term, "Cerebral Libatory Syndrome." 1.3723 0.05181 137 95 33 9
266 It's cured the dehydration, but now I have cirrhosis. 1.3723 0.05181 137 95 33 9
267 You should see my catheter. 1.3723 0.05675 137 100 23 14
268 Technically, it's not a DRINKING problem 1.3723 0.05580 137 99 25 13
269 The nurse said it's five o'clock somewhere. 1.3723 0.05483 137 98 27 12
270 You were right, he is a quack. 1.3723 0.05384 137 97 29 11
271 They're kind of known as a party hospital. 1.3723 0.05580 137 99 25 13
272 It's a university hospital... 1.3712 0.05630 132 95 25 12
273 See, I am using it again after the Super Bowl! 1.3710 0.05891 124 90 22 12
274 And then she called me alcoholic. Can you believe that? 1.3704 0.05335 135 95 30 10
275 The doctor told me to stop drinking. 1.3696 0.05352 138 98 29 11
276 You'd better go, dear. Its almost time for my hot wing enema. 1.3684 0.06082 133 101 15 17
277 Can you ask the nurse for more pretzels? 1.3684 0.05492 133 95 27 11
278 At five o'clock , we switch to scotch. 1.3684 0.05387 133 94 29 10
279 I'm being treated for pre-existence. 1.3684 0.05594 133 96 25 12
280 one is a placebo,the other is beer. 1.3684 0.05594 133 96 25 12
281 The nurse says two hours until I can have my next pain pretzel. 1.3672 0.05750 128 93 23 12
282 It's like you're always saying: in one ear and out the other. 1.3664 0.04871 131 88 38 5
283 This is for my headaches! For Godsakes, don't tell them about my hemorrhoids! 1.3664 0.05755 131 96 22 13
284 Tastes great and less billing. 1.3664 0.05441 131 93 28 10
285 They call it thirst aid 1.3622 0.05323 127 89 30 8
286 This blood's for you. 1.3622 0.06089 127 96 16 15
287 This free Canadian health care is not what I expected. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
288 Maybe you should have read the health care bill before you voted on it. 1.3600 0.06054 125 94 17 14
289 They called it an IV and tonic. 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
290 This is the medical experiment I was born to do, mother. 1.3600 0.04873 125 84 37 4
291 They say it's the best placebo effect they've ever seen. 1.3600 0.05131 125 86 33 6
292 YOU have your pap smear, I have my Pabst beer. 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
293 Well they said they just wanted me to be comfortable. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
294 I'm so glad you stopped by. They won't let me leave without a designated driver. 1.3600 0.05255 125 87 31 7
295 ... but on the flip side, they haven't raised our premiums in months 1.3577 0.06123 123 93 16 14
296 They said my blood alcohol level was dangerously low. 1.3577 0.05552 123 88 26 9
297 The first 12-pack is out-of-pocket. 1.3577 0.05431 123 87 28 8
298 Here's to my health! 1.3577 0.05431 123 87 28 8
299 Bring a needle tomorrow and we'll have lunch together! 1.3577 0.06013 123 92 18 13
300 This way it bypasses the liver. 1.3577 0.05431 123 87 28 8
301 Just my luck, Edna. I think I am in the placebo group. 1.3571 0.05797 126 93 21 12
302 Our insurance doesn't cover morphine. 1.3566 0.05590 129 94 24 11
303 They said I might have to switch to light. 1.3566 0.05481 129 93 26 10
304 You really should have more faith in modern medicine. 1.3563 0.06535 87 62 19 6
305 With this new healthcare plan the only one accepting my insurance is Dr. Pepper. 1.3554 0.05852 121 89 21 11
306 I'm going to have to be honest, this might be making healthcare great again. 1.3554 0.05360 121 85 29 7
307 I think you have to be a patient. 1.3554 0.05230 121 84 31 6
308 My blood type is Anheuser-Busch. 1.3543 0.05187 127 89 31 7
309 Turns out the anesthesiologist is also a homebrewer. 1.3543 0.05758 127 94 21 12
310 This isn't what it looks like. 1.3525 0.05811 122 90 21 11
311 And at that moment, Bill understood how his craft beer obsession was destroying his family. 1.3525 0.05926 122 91 19 12
312 Well, his diploma looked real to me. 1.3525 0.05573 122 88 25 9
313 Don’t worry, my physician is Dr. Pepper. 1.3525 0.06151 122 93 15 14
314 Budridden 1.3525 0.05573 122 88 25 9
315 The Chaplain visited and said it's last call. 1.3525 0.05693 122 89 23 10
316 The doctor wants me to continue treatment till the divorce is final. 1.3525 0.05573 122 88 25 9
317 Turns out all your advice was wrong. 1.3525 0.05693 122 89 23 10
318 It's socialized medicine. 1.3525 0.05693 122 89 23 10
319 No more opioids. 1.3514 0.07800 74 56 10 8
320 They've tested it extensively on hamsters. 1.3500 0.07138 80 59 14 7
321 I am LOVING Trumpcare! 1.3500 0.05632 120 87 24 9
322 If I listen very carefully I can hear the ocean. 1.3500 0.05755 120 88 22 10
323 Feels great. Less filling. 1.3500 0.05632 120 87 24 9
324 They say that the problem is all between my beers 1.3500 0.05632 120 87 24 9
325 Our marriage can survive many things, Margie, but not dehydration. 1.3492 0.07559 63 45 14 4
326 I choose to see the cans as half full. 1.3488 0.06356 86 61 20 5
327 Call it a hunch, but I think this hospital is cutting corners. 1.3478 0.05390 115 81 28 6
328 After this, they have me do a keg stand. 1.3472 0.06897 72 51 17 4
329 This is Red Bull. My insurance wouldn't cover a Defibrillator. 1.3471 0.06066 121 92 16 13
330 I'm repealing and replacing myself. 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
331 I figured I might as well put my catheter to the test. 1.3471 0.05715 121 89 22 10
332 I suppose a chilli cheese dog would be out of the question? 1.3448 0.05210 116 81 30 5
333 Is this a cure for covfefe? 1.3448 0.05757 116 85 22 9
334 I'm ambidextrose. 1.3445 0.05778 119 88 21 10
335 It's a no brainer dear. 1.3445 0.05395 119 85 27 7
336 I haven't felt this good since college. 1.3445 0.05900 119 89 19 11
337 Maybe I should have opted out of TrumpCare. 1.3419 0.05967 117 88 18 11
338 My blood alcohol level is dangerously low. 1.3419 0.05314 117 83 28 6
339 Turns out the Doctor is an old fraternity brother. 1.3419 0.05029 117 81 32 4
340 This is nothing. You should see what they've done with my urinary catheter. 1.3419 0.05715 117 86 22 9
341 They said I haven't been drinking enough. 1.3418 0.07403 79 60 11 8
342 It's in my advance directive. 1.3393 0.05463 112 80 26 6
343 They're trying to get my left brain and right brain talking to each other. 1.3393 0.05314 112 79 28 5
344 Want to see me wiggle my beers? 1.3393 0.05609 112 81 24 7
345 My blood type is IPA-positive. 1.3393 0.05609 112 81 24 7
346 Our insurance only covers domestic. 1.3393 0.06024 112 84 18 10
347 Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum- OK, so I chose the Tin Plan.. it's not the end of the world. 1.3391 0.05645 115 84 23 8
348 I still have a week to live, but my depression has lifted. 1.3391 0.05368 115 82 27 6
349 Mummy, I don't know why they're doing it like this. All I know is, I inherited these disgustingly tiny hands from you. 1.3391 0.06162 115 88 15 12
350 I tried to enroll in rehab, but this is all my insurance would cover. 1.3375 0.06148 80 56 21 3
351 Please tell me you have salty nuts in that purse. 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
352 "But I just asked for my ear buds" ! 1.3364 0.05816 110 81 21 8
353 My insurance wouldn't cover the medication, and everyone knows Guinness is good for you. 1.3364 0.05368 110 78 27 5
354 I detect a hint of skepticism. 1.3364 0.05522 110 79 25 6
355 It's Pabst Blue Cross, Blue Shield. 1.3364 0.06096 110 83 17 10
356 I'm self-medicating 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
357 Honey, you'll never believe it. The doctor and I pledged the same fraternity. 1.3364 0.06096 110 83 17 10
358 Jesue, Rolling Rock? No wonder I feel weak. 1.3364 0.05671 110 80 23 7
359 Dr. Pepper. 1.3363 0.06108 113 86 16 11
360 U.S. News & World Report ranked this the number 2 party hospital. 1.3363 0.06236 113 87 14 12
361 Technically I did quit drinking. 1.3333 0.06048 111 84 17 10
362 So far Trump Care is less than impressive. 1.3333 0.05581 108 78 24 6
363 Is your mother still visiting us? 1.3333 0.05328 111 79 27 5
364 It's an immunotherapy clinical trial. The doctor calls it "From Beer to Eternity." 1.3333 0.05771 111 82 21 8
365 The keg hurt my back. 1.3333 0.06029 108 81 18 9
366 My doctor let me choose my own anesthesiologist. 1.3333 0.05627 111 81 23 7
367 You should see the shots I'm getting ! 1.3333 0.05771 111 82 21 8
368 My doctor understands me. 1.3333 0.05262 108 76 28 4
369 I'm happy with our coverage, Dear. 1.3333 0.05424 108 77 26 5
370 This all our plan pays for. 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
371 No, the disease is still progressing, but now I don't care. 1.3333 0.05771 111 82 21 8
372 You don't feel so smart about getting rid of the Affordable Care Act now, do you? 1.3333 0.06171 108 82 16 10
373 When you don't have health insurance it's BYOIV. 1.3333 0.05581 108 78 24 6
374 The insurance stopped paying for the morphine drip. 1.3333 0.05819 87 61 23 3
375 I don't like Obamacare, but I love the Affordable Beer Act. 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
376 Relax, it's light beer. 1.3333 0.05771 111 82 21 8
377 The nursing staff asked what they could do to make me feel more comfortable. 1.3333 0.05734 108 79 22 7
378 A couple more of these and the food will taste just fine. 1.3333 0.05095 108 75 30 3
379 It was either this or more shots. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
380 They ran out of morphine. 1.3304 0.05866 112 84 19 9
381 The doctors are slowly weaning me off of cola. 1.3303 0.05383 109 78 26 5
382 It's an experimental treatment: IPA therapy. 1.3303 0.05837 109 81 20 8
383 So I said "I don't care if you save my life, just make me look ridiculous." 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
384 The doctor said it's just a precaution until my carbonation levels are back to normal. 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
385 My insurance plan only covers domestic, not even craft beer. 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
386 Turns out I have a rare blood type: IPA. 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
387 In an insane time, this is the only sane treatment. 1.3302 0.05800 106 78 21 7
388 Get the nurse, I need a shot. 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
389 I know its a teaching hospital but this is ridiculous. 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
390 Under our new coverage, this IS detox. 1.3302 0.06248 106 81 15 10
391 Evidently I have Beer Ears. It's similar to Beer Nuts, but much less painful. 1.3302 0.06102 106 80 17 9
392 It's my party, and I'll die if I want to. 1.3269 0.05868 104 77 20 7
393 Doctor said in a few days I'll feel like I'm 21 again. 1.3269 0.06025 104 78 18 8
394 The cardiac unit was full so they moved me here to the sports medicine floor. 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
395 Trump was right. This is way better than Obamacare! 1.3269 0.06178 104 79 16 9
396 This feels OK, but the chips and salsa enema was brutal... 1.3269 0.06025 104 78 18 8
397 The doctor told me it was an Irish IV. 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
398 I'm here to get my tubes tied 1.3269 0.05868 104 77 20 7
399 Doctor said I have to wear them for the rest of our marriage. 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
400 I never realized my elbows were this loud. 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
401 I don't always IV my beer, but when I do, I IV Dos Equis, open a vein my friend. 1.3253 0.07090 83 64 11 8
402 New beer ad campaign--I'm the most intravenous man in the world. 1.3250 0.06838 80 60 14 6
403 And really, how is this any different than being at home? 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
404 Sports medicine has really come a long way. 1.3241 0.05555 108 79 23 6
405 Honey, what difference at this point does it make? 1.3218 0.06838 87 67 12 8
406 What, a hospital can't have Happy Hour? 1.3204 0.05556 103 75 23 5
407 Maybe I shouldn't have complained so much about the IV pole. 1.3200 0.06337 100 77 14 9
408 You didn't think he was a quack when he cured that ham for our tailgate last Sunday 1.3200 0.06010 100 75 18 7
409 Drinks are on me. 1.3200 0.06010 100 75 18 7
410 I just got tired of you yelling at me: 'Use a coaster! Use a coaster!' 1.3200 0.05483 100 72 24 4
411 I AM using my head! 1.3194 0.06508 72 52 17 3
412 Trumpcare. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
413 Damn Obamacare! 1.3168 0.05617 101 74 22 5
414 The left hand still doesn't know what the right hand is doing. 1.3168 0.06438 101 79 12 10
415 I love happy hour at the hospital. 1.3168 0.06123 101 77 16 8
416 It's quicker this way 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
417 Great taste, less transfusion! 1.3168 0.06282 101 78 14 9
418 I don't get it, Jane. We finally have coverage for a pre-existing condition and you're upset. 1.3168 0.05617 101 74 22 5
419 Hospice, Shmopsis. 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
420 We're not going to make it to the game tonight, are we? 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
421 I'll do whatever it takes, Margaret, I'm sick of these small hands! 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
422 I can stop anytime I want, Heather. 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
423 Yes as a mater of fact the repeal of Obama Care is limiting my treatment options. 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
424 If you think this is cool, wait'll you see how they give me my shots! 1.3163 0.05728 98 72 21 5
425 We can set one up with Chardonnay for you. 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
426 That's how they perform anesthesia since Trumpcare. 1.3163 0.06255 98 75 15 8
427 Who knew that Red Bull came in prescription strength!! 1.3163 0.05542 98 71 23 4
428 I swear, honey. After this, no more "Mr. In-One-Ear-and-Out-the-Other." 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
429 I self-medicate. Lower co-pay. 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
430 Wanna guess how I'm having pretzels? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
431 They only said I'm not supposed to drink any alcohol. 1.3137 0.06070 102 78 16 8
432 I may be feeling the taste, but I'm definitely not tasting the feeling. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
433 Who cares! It's beer and my insurance pays! 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
434 I have an ale-ment. 1.3131 0.05858 99 74 19 6
435 I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, MARVIN 1.3131 0.06200 99 76 15 8
436 The Doctor says I'll feel much better in just 2 to 3 six-packs. 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
437 Congress just passed the Do It Yourself Healthcare Act. 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
438 They say it's good for what ales you. 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
439 I had no idea the hospital had a Happy Hour! 1.3131 0.05679 99 73 21 5
440 I was told our insurance doesn't cover IV stands. 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
441 It kept the party alive, Janice. It can keep me alive. 1.3125 0.06508 96 75 12 9
442 Honest honey I am not drinking again 1.3125 0.06796 80 61 13 6
443 It's the new Bud Ice-C.-U. 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
444 But Dr. Anheuser and Dr. Busch agreed it was a great idea. 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
445 Welcome to TrumpCare. 1.3103 0.06802 87 68 11 8
446 It's almost like being at a Mets game! 1.3103 0.05965 87 64 19 4
447 If you really loved me you would support this decision 1.3103 0.06397 87 66 15 6
448 will you marry me now that I have stopped drinking? 1.3103 0.06397 87 66 15 6
449 The doctors says it's all in your head. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
450 My doctor is an old fraternity brother 1.3100 0.06308 100 78 13 9
451 You think this is bad? You should see the catheter. 1.3093 0.06106 97 74 16 7
452 My doctor is an old fraternity brother 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
453 Luckily, my insurance plan covers preexisting conditions. 1.3093 0.06448 97 76 12 9
454 I'm feeling a bit lite-headed. 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
455 If you think this is wild, you should see Fred's enema in Room 305. 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
456 My doctor moonlights as a bartender. 1.3077 0.06402 78 58 16 4
457 The doctor said my alcohol level was dangerously low. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
458 Of course the doctor explained my treatment options. It went in one ear and out the other. 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
459 Apparently my blood alcohol level is dangerously low. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
460 It's Pepsi...my doctor's idea of a joke after I said I was addicted to Coke. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
461 I'm self-medicating 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
462 This way I won't get hooked on opiates. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
463 Technically, it's no longer a drinking problem. 1.3061 0.06223 98 76 14 8
464 I always wanted to be in an I.V. League fraternity. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
465 Trumpcare's not bad! 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
466 Maybe buying health insurance from a TV ad wasn't such a great idea. 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
467 Maybe you could come back after the game? 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
468 Trust me honey, my physician--Dr. Pepper--knows what he's doing. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
469 Well technically I did quit drinking. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
470 I have the Most Interesting Doctor in the World. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
471 Maybe Obamacare wasn't so bad after all. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
472 This sure makes it easier to get up and go to the bathroom. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
473 It's for what ales me. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
474 It's Gluten Free 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
475 It's the available treatment for preexisting conditions. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
476 I'm sure Dr. Budweiser knows what he's doing. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
477 I really like it here in the sports fan medicine clinic. 1.3053 0.05411 95 69 23 3
478 The doctor says they're aluminum, so it can't be tinnitus. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
479 Dr. Buffett told me to call him Jimmy. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
480 They've promised to cure what ales me. 1.3053 0.05614 95 70 21 4
481 Yes, it is a sports injury. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
482 They doctor said I had too much blood in my alcohol system. 1.3043 0.06324 92 71 14 7
483 Not only is my surgeon board-certified, he was also Chapter President of his fraternity 1.3043 0.05517 92 67 22 3
484 The good news is, we'll meet our deductible. 1.3043 0.06132 92 70 16 6
485 My fraternity brother is the floor nurse! 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
486 The doctor said I was two pints low. 1.3043 0.05517 92 67 22 3
487 Good news, dear…The doctor said they found a bonehead marrow donor match. 1.3043 0.06132 92 70 16 6
488 I have a drinking problem. 1.3021 0.06304 96 75 13 8
489 Liquor never passes my lips. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
490 It's happy hour. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
491 Iss a mergency dupple pybass! 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
492 My sponsor was just here and had that same look on his face. 1.3011 0.05677 93 69 20 4
493 Next, they're letting me vape my anesthetic. 1.3011 0.06074 93 71 16 6
494 When I asked if they could give me my old health care back, they said, "Yes we can!" 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
495 I told you to write an advanced directive. 1.3011 0.06074 93 71 16 6
496 They ran out of morphine. 1.3011 0.06074 93 71 16 6
497 Patent pending. 1.3011 0.06074 93 71 16 6
498 Jealous? 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
499 I'm a part of ground-breaking research, Eunice...it's bigger than both of us 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
500 This beer goes right to my head. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
501 Gwyneth Paltrow said it works. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
502 At least Budweiser Hospital is in our network. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
503 It's called compassionate care. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
504 The nurses got sick of me using the IV pole for air guitar. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
505 My HMO decided that an IV pole was not medically necessary. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
506 I shouldn't have quit Scientology cold turkey. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
507 He wasn't a participating Anesthesiologist. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
508 Everything you say dear is going in one ear and out the other 1.2989 0.05200 87 62 24 1
509 I'm afraid this is the only treatment covered under Trump's healthcare plan. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
510 It's a fluid situation. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
511 Can't fool me. Classic Coke on the right, New Coke on the left. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
512 This is just until my throat gets better. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
513 A wide variety of choices is highly correlated to satisfaction with a health care plan. It comes down to market forces. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
514 I told them not to use extreme measures, but that still left plenty of room for awesome measures. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
515 ...best of all, the doctor's a Packers fan too! 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
516 It's a Rube Goldberg contraption, Helen, and that's because my doctor happens to be Rube Goldberg. 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
517 You should see what they did with the catheter. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
518 Quick, the bedpan again! 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
519 Jane, this is the first time ever that I clearly know what you're thinking. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
520 Could you please pour me some covfefe? 1.2989 0.06959 87 70 8 9
521 The doctor thinks I'll be ready for the playoffs! 1.2987 0.06149 77 57 17 3
522 Our new insurance plan only covers IVs purchased at Spencer's Gifts. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
523 It’s actually the newest product created as a result of the merger of Pfizer and Anheuser-Busch 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
524 I think my Doc is what the AA calls an enabler. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
525 My doctor gets me. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
526 They say they have my blood alcohol stabilized so I should be able to come home in a couple days. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
527 Your copay is the can deposit. 1.2967 0.05524 91 67 21 3
528 Can you pick up a six-pack of Blood Lite for me? 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
529 At least the deductible cost is low. 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
530 They said I can't drink beer in the hospital. They didn't say anything about transfusions. 1.2967 0.06720 91 73 9 9
531 The doctor was in my fraternity in college. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
532 Go ahead and criticize Trumpcare, but I think it's terrific. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
533 My thoughts pretty much go with the flow. 1.2967 0.05524 91 67 21 3
534 I'm so glad my fraternity had a hospitalization plan. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
535 Neither arm cares what you think. 1.2967 0.06347 91 71 13 7
536 I got a second opinion from my bartender. 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
537 It's an audio filter. It filters out criticisms, and recycles compliments directly into my bloodstream. 1.2967 0.06536 91 72 11 8
538 It's a non-narcotic pain management plan 1.2967 0.06347 91 71 13 7
539 It's a feedback loop that keeps me from obsessively submitting multiple entries to The New Yorker caption contests. 1.2967 0.06536 91 72 11 8
540 They're trying to figure out what ales me. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
541 The doctors call it liquid courage. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
542 It's not too bad for a university hospital. yesterday they gave me a swirly and short-sheeted my bed. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
543 They're two-for-one during happy hour. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
544 Apparently the A.M.A. convention was in Myrtle Beach this year. 1.2941 0.06865 85 68 9 8
545 They ran out of AB negative so this is V-8. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
546 They call it "double-dripping..." 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
547 I'm exactly where I need to be. 1.2941 0.06658 85 67 11 7
548 Rehab is a sham, huh? Then how come last month I had three cans on my head? 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
549 Pfft...and you had your doubts about Trumpcare. 1.2941 0.06658 85 67 11 7
550 The IV stand wasn't covered. 1.2941 0.07066 85 69 7 9
551 Anheuser Busch merged with Merck. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
552 The great news is that my doctor is also an alcoholic. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
553 Apparently Apple's next version will be smaller and without any tubes. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
554 The focus on patient-centered care in this hospital is outstanding. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
555 Look, I only promised that beer would never touch my lips again! 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
556 Call the nurse. I'm feeling a little lite headed. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
557 Then somebody yelled, 'Chug.' That's the last thing I remember. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
558 It's just one of the cost savers on my new Healthcare plan 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
559 So I guess it's safe to say that forgiveness still isn't on the table. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
560 It's the cure for what ails me. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
561 The doctor insists that my diagnosis is sobering enough. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
562 Why do you think they call this the "Intensive Coors Unit"? 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
563 It's the king of meds. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
564 Don't look at me like that. They said insurance would cover it. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
565 Don't worry honey Trump Care also covers catheters. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
566 Yeah, the guys came to visit why do you ask? 1.2941 0.06658 85 67 11 7
567 ...So they ran an IPA, and I was way low. 1.2941 0.06658 85 67 11 7
568 I didn't hear you come in. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
569 The doctor ordered 2 Bloodlights. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
570 Under my plan, I can only afford to be treated by the hospital custodian. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
571 I'm part of the control group. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
572 Type AB... Anheuser Busch 1.2941 0.07066 85 69 7 9
573 I should be out of here in daze. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
574 Of course, I miss having healthcare coverage. I promise I'll vote next time. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
575 I.C.U.? . . . IPA! 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
576 My plan is to get out the same way I got in. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
577 My health insurance no longer covers prescription medications, but with a small co-pay I can get craft beers. 1.2935 0.06473 92 73 11 8
578 Doc said "get plenty of Bud rest." 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
579 I can stop anytime I want to. I just don't want to. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
580 It's an experimental treatment developed in St. Louis, Missouri. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
581 You don't think Last Call is the same as Last Rites, do you? 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
582 Two days of this, and my eyes still haven't popped back into my head. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
583 Not tonight; I have a headache. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
584 Tastes great, less filling comes to mind. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
585 I asked for a nightcap 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
586 If this doesn't work, they'll try the rest of the six-pack. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
587 This is a lot more comfortable than the 6 pack 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
588 The doctor said, “Nothing by mouth.” 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
589 You sound a little tinny. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
590 Apparently they specialize in sports medicine. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
591 I think it's a placebo. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
592 Finally, my left hand knows what my right hand is doing. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
593 The doctor says he's never seen a case like it. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
594 I used my 2-for-1 discount coupon. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
595 It's a Double IPA. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
596 I see the guys have been by. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
597 They call it the Intensive Tailgate Unit. 1.2927 0.05620 82 60 20 2
598 Maybe YOU have a problem. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
599 One of the side effects is that the nurses all look better at closing time. 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
600 The Doctor and I were in a fraternity together. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
601 Surprisingly, being an idiot is not a pre-existing condition. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
602 Sure beats my last catheter. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
603 The doctors expect me to rally. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
604 It's called a "bloody memory." 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
605 Isn't this great, Honey? I can honestly say that I haven't poured myself a single drink since the surgery! 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
606 I feel no pain, but I can't stop burping. 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
607 When she asked, "Which arm?", I said "You're a nurse, figure it out". 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
608 After they told me that I was AB positive I insisted on Anheuser-Busch. 1.2921 0.06022 89 68 16 5
609 The doctor was a college fraternity brother. 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
610 Don't worry, our insurance covers both cans 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
611 The best part is that they're prescribed "as needed." 1.2921 0.06022 89 68 16 5
612 Yeah, well, that makes you the Bride of Frankenstein." 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
613 It's pretty much the same as your boob job, but for my brain. 1.2921 0.06432 89 70 12 7
614 It's a clinical trial; the control group got mugs. 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
615 Bud, this should make you Wiser. 1.2921 0.06022 89 68 16 5
616 Well, the Doctor said there was no hope, then the guy from Budweiser came by... honest. 1.2921 0.06432 89 70 12 7
617 Its how my father went. 1.2921 0.06432 89 70 12 7
618 Okay, on the lighter side, do I look more like an elephant or a butterfly? 1.2921 0.06022 89 68 16 5
619 There trying to prove the theorem ....."in one ear and out the other" 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
620 I feel great -- it's gin and key limes today. 1.2895 0.06439 76 58 14 4
621 Trumpcare. 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
622 I'm less nauseous, but I still have that mobile phone feeling. 1.2892 0.06534 83 65 12 6
623 It's hard to get on Dr. Pepper's surgery schedule, but it's worth it. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
624 It's a preexisting condition. 1.2892 0.06755 83 66 10 7
625 The angel in my right can says I should divorce you. The devil in my left can says I have less than a year left anyway. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
626 Our PPO is now an IPA. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
627 They asked what I miss the most. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
628 But how's my color? 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
629 The doctor said that ten years ago, my IPA type didn't even exist. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
630 He one of the top Sports Medicine doctors in his field 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
631 I can stop whenever I want. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
632 It's called Alternative Intensive Care. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
633 I feel really good but I have to pee a lot. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
634 Or course...but, by the same token, our entire marriage could be considered a placebo. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
635 Relax, it's light beer. 1.2892 0.06534 83 65 12 6
636 They're beer buds. Hey, they laughed at Einstein. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
637 It goes in one ear and comes out the other. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
638 They tell me I won't be able to wear the cheesehead ever again. 1.2892 0.05292 83 60 22 1
639 Once I can identify for the doctors which is Coke and which is Pepsi, I'm outa here. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
640 I'm rooting for my body to win. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
641 First, do no pharm. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
642 It's the best I could get with Trumpcare. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
643 I saw it on Dr. Oz. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
644 I'm starting to have doubts about 'repeal and replace'. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
645 I've never felt better. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
646 Honey, of course I'm taking this surgery seriously! 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
647 They want to run a few tests before releasing me back into the bar. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
648 Silly me, I didn't even know Phi Beta had a medical center. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
649 They work great. I can hear the ocean. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
650 Finding hats is going to be a problem. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
651 I'm an IV League football fan. 1.2889 0.06369 90 71 12 7
652 Our insurance doesn't cover actual medical care, of course, so I rigged this up myself last night. I think it's helping a little... 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
653 I miss Obama-care and medicine based on science.. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
654 A doctor finally took me seriously about the voices and is doing closed circuit therapy. 1.2874 0.06723 87 70 9 8
655 Me? Drinking problem? Alcohol hasn't touched these lips for weeks! 1.2874 0.05642 87 65 19 3
656 I told you I would stop drinking 1.2874 0.06521 87 69 11 7
657 Honey, it's the Trumpcare IV 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
658 They said it was for an irony deficiency. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
659 The saline solution wasn't doing anything for me, so I just decided I'd try Coors. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
660 It's a new anti-addiction treatment. One is pain meds, the other is molten lava. 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
661 All they said was no fluids by mouth. 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
662 The anesthesiologist is awesome. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
663 They said my blood type was O my gosh. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
664 The transfusions are great but less filling. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
665 This is what happens when Paul Ryan dreams up health care reform at the kegger. 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
666 It’s joint with right of survivorship, why? 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
667 I understand your doctor did his training at a party school. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
668 TrumpCare Rehab Center 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
669 They are really making cuts to healthcare these days 1.2840 0.06857 81 65 9 7
670 I'm skeptical about these VA docs. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
671 Same old, same old: In one ear and out the other. 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
672 I miss Obamacare... 1.2840 0.06857 81 65 9 7
673 I can stop whenever I want to, I just don't want to 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
674 It's called ale-opathic medicine. 1.2840 0.07079 81 66 7 8
675 Ok, it's not affordable but it's definitely American. 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
676 You'll never believe what the hospital charges for a six pack! 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
677 I'm drinking in vain again. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
678 I'm worried about how they're going to give me peanuts 1.2840 0.06857 81 65 9 7
679 One's gin and one's tonic. Got a lime I can suck on? 1.2840 0.05339 81 59 21 1
680 Pull my finger....... 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
681 The doctors say I'll never talk on a cell phone again. 1.2840 0.06857 81 65 9 7
682 This is WAY better than Obamacare 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
683 Dr. Bud said these would make me weiser. Another doctor said this was a busch league treatment. Yet a third a said maybe they were getting to the coors of my problem. I just don't know what they're thinking, Stella. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
684 Honey its only tell my jaw gets un-wired. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
685 I'm not allowed to shake my head. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
686 Honestly, I don't know why we were so worried after Coors took over our HMO. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
687 Beer is the only thing my insurance covers. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
688 This is not what it looks like, honey. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
689 It's a form of urgent care. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
690 It works well. White with seafood, red with steak. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
691 Stop judging. Most of the rehab group are still shotgunning. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
692 My doctor was pledge captain in his fraternity. 1.2840 0.06857 81 65 9 7
693 They couldn't get a vein in the liver. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
694 Don't just sit there. Get me some pretzels! 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
695 Looks like our medical plan does not include those metal stands that hold the medication bottles. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
696 Come here often? 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
697 Don't worry -- the nurse just said I shouldn't drink any alcohol. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
698 Our plan doesn't cover medical marijuana. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
699 I'm actually drinking much less. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
700 My doctor is making colonoscopies great again. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
701 Well technically, I am not actually drinking the beer. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
702 They said it was just until the pharmacy reopens. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
703 Yes, the guys stopped-by...why do you ask? 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
704 And you wanted me to throw this thing away. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
705 It's the first medical procedure to offer a bottle and can refund in 35 states. 1.2838 0.06241 74 56 15 3
706 The doctors say this is the gold standard for chemo under TrumpCare guidelines. 1.2838 0.07075 74 59 9 6
707 No, it doesn't improve the prognosis, but it makes me feel better. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
708 I believe I said I’d never touch the stuff again. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
709 I'm not any better, but I am getting drunker. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
710 My doctor said ear Buds might help wean me off hard liquor. 1.2824 0.06821 85 69 8 8
711 The second opinion was the same. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
712 It's a new kind of therapy -- Can-do therapy. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
713 It helps me sleep AND keeps me hydrated. 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
714 Sports Hypoenthusiasm Syndrome is inherited so you should probably have the kids tested. 1.2778 0.06324 72 55 14 3
715 I'm afraid the next move is a no-brainer. 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
716 Do you think my insurance will close out my tab? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
717 The nurses here are a lot of fun. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
718 As a wine drinker it was hard for Elizabeth to understand. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
719 With the current administration I find many things hard to swallow. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
720 My insurance capped the morphine drip but this malt liquor works pretty well too. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
721 They say the place is run by a medical fraternity. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
722 I'm in recovery. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
723 You know I don't like drugs Alice 1.2771 0.06924 83 68 7 8
724 My surgeon's a frat brother. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
725 It's a very popular procedure in Europe, Karen. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
726 I just love the new Trumpcare drug plan. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
727 I'm going to the game and that's final. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
728 This guy MacGyver came over from the HMO this morning. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
729 look honey I'm doing the can can ! 1.2727 0.08391 55 45 5 5
730 What do you expect when your health care provider is Anheuser-Busch? 1.2727 0.05433 77 57 19 1
731 They no longer prescribe opioids. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
732 Just seasoning my new liver. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
733 No, not New Age medicine—beechwood-aged medicine. 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
734 They said no drinking before surgery. 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
735 They said free refills. 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
736 It's just so hard to care that you're mad when I feel this good. 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
737 C'mon honey- its happy hour. Everybody gets two-for-one! 1.2727 0.05433 77 57 19 1
738 The co-pay is cheaper than a bar tab. 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
739 Left is less filling, right tastes great. 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
740 This new TrumpCare is great! 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
741 I've lost some hearing, but my elbows never felt better. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
742 I slipped the nurse a twenty. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
743 The doctor is an old frat buddy. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
744 Doctor Budweiser, why? 1.2716 0.05559 81 61 18 2
745 The surgeon said it's a technique he learned in Sigma Chi. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
746 My arms are still numb, but I can hear the ocean. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
747 My blood type is IPA 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
748 And when I said "What canisters?" they dragged me off the plane. 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
749 What did you do today, dear? 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
750 My head is fine. I had surgery on my knee. Why do you ask? 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
751 Don't give me that look, Carol. You know I hate the taste of alcohol. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
752 They'll discharge me when the left hand knows what the right hand is doing. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
753 THIS is MY kind of concierge medical clinic! 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
754 It only hurts when I swallow. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
755 Thinking I shouldn't have asked for a second opinion. 1.2692 0.06496 78 62 11 5
756 It's just one of the perks of being a season ticket holder. 1.2692 0.06496 78 62 11 5
757 Small world! The admitting doctor was my college roommate! 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
758 And when my stitches come out they'll give me a bong. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
759 Great hospital. I asked for a beer and they gave me two. 1.2692 0.05676 78 59 17 2
760 They take off fluid from my head to help with my eye bulging. 1.2692 0.06496 78 62 11 5
761 Told ya not to pick the bronze plan. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
762 It converts nagging into sex talk. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
763 My Trumpcare policy is BYO IV. And do you have a really sharp knife you can bring for my surgery tomorrow? 1.2692 0.06748 78 63 9 6
764 I generally prefer a lager, but this hospital only serves IPAs. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
765 It goes in one ear and out the other. 1.2692 0.05676 78 59 17 2
766 It's called the DIY Health Plan. Why do you ask? 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
767 Mindfulness, Clara. It makes such a difference, don't you know! 1.2692 0.06748 78 63 9 6
768 On second thought you shouldn't have had a V-8! 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
769 This is the only IV that your insurance covers. 1.2687 0.05856 67 50 16 1
770 After much soul-searching, Dave participates in first-ever "Chicken Soup for the Soul" clinical trials. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
771 Before I try to explain, do you understand how cryptocurrencies work? 1.2639 0.07130 72 59 7 6
772 It's hands free, but now I don't know what to do with my hands. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
773 Apparently, I was suffering from beer deficiency. 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
774 Don't look at me like that, I told you I couldn't stop cold turkey 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
775 This should take the edge off my healthcare premium. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
776 It's a new procedure defined in the American Health Care Act. 1.2639 0.07130 72 59 7 6
777 Believe it or not it is covered by our insurance. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
778 Feeling a little faint, but it'll all be worth it if Tyler gets a C on his Science Fair project. 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
779 Doc says I should be fermented enough to go home tomorrow. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
780 When I'm done with the study, I get 10 cases of beer. Completely Free! 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
781 Did you know the ballpark had its own emergency clinic? 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
782 They say your left brain doesn't know what your right brain is doing.... until NOW! 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
783 It's part of the Affordable Craft Beer Act. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
784 I checked; it's not covered. 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
785 And to think that I've been doing it wrong all of these years. 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
786 The beer's good but I'm having trouble hearing. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
787 Patent still pending. 1.2639 0.05592 72 54 17 1
788 It cured my hiccups. 1.2639 0.05592 72 54 17 1
789 I asked them to make mine a double. 1.2639 0.07130 72 59 7 6
790 Technically, I'm not drinking. 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
791 It's really cool listening to your blood pressure in stereo. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
792 This completely solves the two beers one mouth problem. 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
793 Honey, I've been canned. 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
794 ...and then my new doctor introduced me to Step 13... 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
795 Yes I'll still have impure thoughts about you. 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
796 Doc says if I don't get my blood alcohol levels up soon, then I'll be forced to deal with my inadequacies. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
797 They say it's all in my head 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
798 Peg, eye -love you. But it's in vein. Soda wedding's off. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
799 It's the best they could do under the new health care act. 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
800 I don't care what he said. I don't think he's a real doctor. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
801 I'm following doctor's orders...not a drop has passed my lips. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
802 Roll your eyes all you want. I've already raised half a million dollars on Kickstarter. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
803 the good news is they tell me it's an over the counter medication. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
804 I love beer, but I hate the way it tastes. 1.2632 0.05419 76 57 18 1
805 It's an ironic commentary on my drinking problem. 1.2632 0.07726 57 46 7 4
806 It was the only device available to me under the AHCA 1.2632 0.06032 76 59 14 3
807 I'm taking part in a case study. 1.2632 0.05419 76 57 18 1
808 Don't worry I had the nurse catheterize me. 1.2632 0.07726 57 46 7 4
809 Technically Agnes........I am NOT still drinking. 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
810 Doctor said there was too much blood in my alcohol stream. 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
811 I have IPA. It's fatal 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
812 Gotta get healthy for football season. 1.2581 0.06056 62 47 14 1
813 It's been tough, but I think I'm beating this man cold. 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
814 The worst part for me is you seeing me without my foam fingers. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
815 Are you sure the neurosurgeon you found on-line is licenced? 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
816 We're going to haze some of the new guys in the ER later tonight. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
817 The good news is I am off opioids and back to beer. The bad news is I would kill for a bag of peanuts. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
818 Covered by Medicare, Part AA. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
819 Don't give me that look. My doctor said I needed to rehydrate quickly. 1.2571 0.05641 70 53 16 1
820 It's part of this Italian conversion therapy. If I talk with my hands it gives me a headache. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
821 Dr. Vinnie Boombatz...why? 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
822 And I was like, 'I'm not paying extra for pole insurance!' 1.2571 0.07248 70 58 6 6
823 I'm feeling no pain, but I have an insane craving for some pretzels. 1.2571 0.05641 70 53 16 1
824 I can't hear you. I have two beer cans strapped to my ears. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
825 Do I need anything else? Seriously? How about a straw up my nose and a fidget spinner! 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
826 Left brained? Right brained? Do you honestly think I give a damn? 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
827 Could you do me a favor and click the nacho button? 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
828 America is already getting great, bro. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
829 Hey, remember how you were always saying that fraternity I belonged to was for losers? Well, you'll never guess who performed my surgery. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
830 We need a better HMO. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
831 The anesthesiologist was one of my fraternity brothers. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
832 They ran out of sedatives. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
833 The doctor is trying a new Bloody Mary recipe. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
834 I see your fraternity brothers have been by. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
835 Just consider it a poor man's morphine drip. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
836 ...but I get to keep my hair. 1.2571 0.05641 70 53 16 1
837 I was told to take time off to recharge my batteries. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
838 It's happy hour, they're two for one. 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
839 My doctor and I were fraternity brothers... 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
840 The doctor says I'll be back on the barstool in no time. 1.2571 0.05262 70 52 18 0
841 I can't help but think you're doing some of this to yourself, Peter. 1.2571 0.07248 70 58 6 6
842 Then again, my arms are hearing better than they ever have. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
843 Well I clearly was not expecting visitors today. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
844 What do you think of my solution? 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
845 Post Trump Tweet Syndrome. Who knew? 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
846 This is one way to survive while Trump is president. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
847 They say it's all in my head 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
848 They say I don't have long, but I'm at peace with that. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
849 Tired of detoxing. Re-toxing. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
850 You're probably wondering why my fingers are so small. 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
851 Hair of the Dog 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
852 It's working. I'm beginning to hear what my hands are thinking. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
853 It's a new craft beer ... IPV 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
854 I donate a ton of money to this hospital. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
855 It's a happy hour transfusion. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
856 Doctor said I should ease back into my normal routine. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
857 I think I solved my drinking problem. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
858 You'd better move back a little, Maureen, this could get messy. 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
859 I guess now is the time I tell you that I haven't gone to the AA meetings. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
860 You've never been supportive of my experiments. 1.2571 0.05641 70 53 16 1
861 TrumpCare requires recycling. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
862 Now we both have a set of new cans. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
863 Somebody's going to be really sorry when you all find out I really AM getting messages from Mars 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
864 Have you met Dr. Pepper yet? 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
865 Suddenly I can't think of anything but pretzels. 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
866 How are the Mets doing? 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
867 "What do you expect, it's a sports clinic". 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
868 Only when I laugh 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
869 My fraternity brothers stopped by earlier. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
870 The doctor said I had Beeribeeri, and this was the only cure. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
871 A liter for your thoughts! 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
872 After the latest healthcare reform, doctors around the nation had to be creative in order to provide most basic life-saving procedures. 1.2568 0.07215 74 62 5 7
873 There must be easier ways to quit smoking! 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
874 The doctor suspects that the infection has crossed the blood brain beer barrier. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
875 Diet Dr. Pepper really DOES feel more like regular Dr. Pepper! 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
876 They're trying to make my hands bigger so they don't look as small as Trump's? 1.2568 0.06954 74 61 7 6
877 It's less expensive, and I get back 5 cents on every can. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
878 You never told me your ex was a nurse. 1.2545 0.08295 55 46 4 5
879 The doctor said something about "draining the swamp." 1.2537 0.06840 67 54 9 4
880 Don't give me that look. I know. I should've had a V-8. 1.2533 0.06601 75 61 9 5
881 In one ear, out the other! 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
882 My only regret is not having done a little bit more with my liberal arts degree. 1.2500 0.07063 72 60 6 6
883 The voices in my head are arguing about the rights of two bare arms. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
884 This is the only bypass procedure still covered. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
885 The bad news is that I've been diagnosed with a hops deficiency. The good news is that the treatment is imported. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
886 It lets me move my hands, but the left still doesn't know what the right is doing. 1.2500 0.07319 56 45 8 3
887 On the plus side, no deductible! 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
888 Under the AHCA, I couldn't afford the I.V. pole. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
889 All I know is now I get clearer reception on the TV 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
890 And the beauty of it is that now I don't have to interrupt my drinking to talk. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
891 They said I needed thirst aid. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
892 My body was rejecting every other method of getting the proper medications 1.2462 0.07282 65 54 6 5
893 You were hoping it was cancer, weren't you? 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
894 Remember, I'm still the man you married. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
895 It's not blood. The doc says it turns out I really can't live without my daily latte. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
896 Am I just drunk, or are you really Helen Mirren? 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
897 Doc Jenkins, Randy - you met him at the ball game. Anyways he's an old fraternity brother and he says it's all in the coding. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
898 What's worse, they did the wave during my surgery. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
899 It's a Double IPA. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
900 I just don't know how I'm ever going to face the guys knowing that I tried to commit sobriety... 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
901 The psychologist told me I was 'self medicating' ... did you bring more beer? 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
902 They took me out of ICU and put me on IPA. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
903 They said it was appropriate considering how I wound up here. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
904 They're studying alcohol's effect on chronic mansplaining. 1.2462 0.07282 65 54 6 5
905 Just tell the office I'm participating in a think tank. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
906 I know, right, but I'm saving $950 on the stand rental. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
907 The doctor says he knows what the problem is and I'll be feeling better soon. Tell your mom I'm sorry I missed the visit. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
908 Trump healthcare reform... Win-Win? 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
909 You were wrong, they didn't even mention the cigarettes. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
910 See, meeting a doctor at a tailgate party worked out fine. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
911 I should have my Bro restored in no time at all. 1.2462 0.07282 65 54 6 5
912 OK...so for one day I'm the most interesting man in the world 1.2462 0.05385 65 49 16 0
913 Why so down in the dumps? 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
914 The better to see you as I choose to remember you, my dear. 1.2456 0.07626 57 47 6 4
915 I agree. Death is the more aesthetically pleasing option. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
916 The doctor says I'll need this treatment indefinitely. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
917 They had to do a double by-pass. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
918 I needed a Bud transfusion. 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
919 Works great...and less filling. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
920 Wait til you see the catheter. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
921 Don't ask where they place the pretzel. 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
922 The doctor told me that if it weren't for the recent advances in sports medicine, I would have died. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
923 What can I say, the nurse hooked me up... 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
924 This gets great reception. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
925 Technically it is chemo therapy. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
926 Did I mention I'm a vegan? 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
927 Before authorizing pain meds, the insurance company wants to see how I do on beer. 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
928 Buzz the nurse. It's Miller Time. 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
929 Now it's a party. 1.2429 0.07176 70 59 5 6
930 Quiet. I'm making a Bloody Mary. 1.2429 0.07176 70 59 5 6
931 But I DID quit drinking. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
932 Thank God you're here Teresa, there's a bag of empties behind the door. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
933 This treatment is great! No more upset stomachs after drinking beer. 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
934 Again, it's an experiment to see how long humans can live off earwax! 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
935 I finally understand why the premiums were so low for the BYOB plan. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
936 This is just the pre-party, there's a keg in the ICU. 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
937 Listen I don't like the sports and beer therapy any more than you do but who am I to question Dr. Anheuser. 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
938 You don’t understand concierge medicine. 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
939 Can you bring me the tablet with the PornHub log-in data saved? I can't remember my password and my cellphone's screen is too small. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
940 I'd die for a cigarette. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
941 The party never stops. 1.2414 0.07090 58 47 8 3
942 It's a randomized double-blinded control taste-test. 1.2414 0.06650 58 46 10 2
943 Did you remember to bring the nicotine suppositories? 1.2407 0.06440 54 42 11 1
944 I'm not allowed to drink the night before surgery. 1.2407 0.06962 54 43 9 2
945 My head feels like it's going to explode. 1.2407 0.07447 54 44 7 3
946 Honey, could you check to make sure it's diet. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
947 Can you believe Medicaid only pays for generic soft drinks? 1.2388 0.07395 67 57 4 6
948 I'm saving $7000 by using my own Sparkling Water drip. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
949 This tonsillectomy isn't going to ruin my spring break! 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
950 Did we win the game? 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
951 TrumpCare is certainly lowering costs. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
952 A draft would be nice. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
953 I know it looks weird, but it cured my writer's block 1.2388 0.07395 67 57 4 6
954 The Doc says we'll move to an IPA in the morning. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
955 Apparently I volunteered for a clinical trial of the new alcohol patch. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
956 This hookup is only for ambidextrous people with pre-existing conditions who also have lousy insurance. 1.2388 0.07082 67 56 6 5
957 The last thing I remember was getting canned. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
958 My co-pay will be extra because my beer type is Heineken. 1.2388 0.05248 67 51 16 0
959 Remember that fraternity brother of mine who organized all the tail gates? He became a doctor. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
960 Turns out my anesthesiologist was a college roommate. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
961 The one on the left is hydrogen.....the one on the right is oxygen.....this is how I get my fluids! 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
962 Beer today, gone tomorrow. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
963 My health plan didn't cover the IV pole. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
964 The only trouble is, it seems to be making my hands smaller. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
965 It's the only way to erase Fox News. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
966 My new insurance plan doesn't cover IVs. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
967 When I said euthanasia, this is not what I meant! 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
968 Can you tell the nurse to switch me to decaf 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
969 This is starting to feel like a pre-existing condition. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
970 Rum on the right, Coke on the left. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
971 The doctors were right. You do look hotter. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
972 My feelings go in one ear and out the other 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
973 You should see what they did with the catheter. 1.2388 0.05248 67 51 16 0
974 I have stopped drinking. Isn't that what you want? 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
975 Gin. And Tonic 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
976 Its a public-private partnership between Budweiser and the NIH. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
977 I'm trying to avoid opioids. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
978 Really. It's doctor's orders. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
979 I asked for Blood Light! 1.2388 0.07082 67 56 6 5
980 The doctor said no liquids by mouth. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
981 I get a discount if I self monitor 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
982 This is the last time I'll enter the science fair. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
983 Wait'll you see the bed pan. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
984 I was told to stop drinking, not to stop inbibing. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
985 You always said it was "in one ear and out the other" with me. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
986 ...he said I shouldn't drink, not that I couldn't infuse! 1.2388 0.07082 67 56 6 5
987 This treatment will always let my left hand know what the right hand is doing. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
988 Doc says that when Trumpcare replaces Obamacare, one must be removed. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
989 NO! No dear. No second opinion. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
990 It's just during happy hour. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
991 My doctor says it helps block out all the fake news. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
992 I.V. stand was blocking the TV 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
993 Yup. The one on the right does have more hops. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
994 No surprise to you, it goes in one ear and out the other. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
995 My plan only covers generics. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
996 This is why I pay for the higher premium insurance 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
997 Don't worry darling, it's "Blood Lite"! 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
998 This ensures that the right brain and left brain share buzz equality. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
999 What? You said get rid of the hat. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
1000 It is less filling. 1.2388 0.07082 67 56 6 5
1001 Doc says it's TrumpCare's new protocol for narcolepsy. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
1002 I'm finally starting to feel more like myself. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1003 Turns out my doctor was in my fraternity at college. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1004 My legs are still a little wobbly. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1005 Would you mind turning on the game? 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1006 Hospital happy hour. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1007 Actually its the catheter I'm most worried about. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
1008 I’m telling you, this is great. We’ve got to get a bedpan for the house. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1009 I chose the light beer over mild sedation. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
1010 "Not only do they give me more energy,but I get radio signals from Pluto now.". 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
1011 Ironically they used alcohol wipes on my wrists for the IV. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
1012 In one ear and out the other. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
1013 I ordered a venti, sugar-free, non-fat, vanilla soy, double shot, decaf, no foam, extra hot, Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with light whip and extra syrup…actually two of them! 1.2388 0.07082 67 56 6 5
1014 Good news. My hops levels are rising. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
1015 It's my affordable self care act. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
1016 My blood type is Beer Positive. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
1017 My doctor tells me I should be on my feet by opening day. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
1018 insurance did not cover the stand.... 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1019 And that's not all - I have a catheter too! 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1020 I'm gonna say coming to St. Brewski's is a huge mistake. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1021 They told me it's all in my head. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1022 I'm told its experimental, but it seems promising. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1023 Unfortunately, with our new insurance, we can only keep our bartender. 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1024 They claim it will cure my Pepsi addiction 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1025 Yeah, he was a fraternity brother. Why do you ask? 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1026 Take me out to the ER. Take me out to the docs. Buy me some codeine and viacadine, I won't know if I ever get back! Let them root, root, root for my own spleen. If they don't cure it's a shame. For it's 1, 2, 3 cuts and out at the old gall game. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1027 My anesthesiologist's a frat bro. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1028 Nothing like cold beer to relieve a migraine. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1029 Screw the Mayo Clinic, I'll take my chances here. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1030 If we had better insurance I could afford real IV bags. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1031 I told you I needed a beer. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1032 In layman's terms, you suffered the mother of all brain farts. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1033 I know, Mom. But on the other hand, the nurses are very nice here. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1034 They only use these for sports injuries. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1035 I would love to hookup with you. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1036 It's classified as a "useful preexisting condition." 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1037 A mirror, give me a mirror. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1038 You're kidding. You've never heard of beer therapy? 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1039 The doctor's an old fraternity brother of mine. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1040 I'm answering no more questions until you scratch my nose. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1041 Just think of them as training wheels for my new liver, Sweetheart. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1042 Honey, can I help it if the night nurse likes football too ? 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1043 They're drawing blood from me and filling beer cans with it, something for the night shift they said. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1044 Turns out 'intravenous beer helmet' is a pre-existing condition. 1.2381 0.08214 42 34 6 2
1045 In one ear, out the other! 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1046 Honey, a placebo is fake medicine. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1047 Typical Obamacare; it doesn't cover this retox center's craft brews. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1048 They say this is all my insurance will pay for. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1049 Sort of plasma, one is creme of tomato ,the other is beef bouillon 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1050 The doctor says I can switch to a souvenir cup in a couple weeks. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1051 Woof, woof, I'm a dog.""Meow meow, I'm a cat. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1052 My bartender has hospital prvileges. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1053 Are we still on for Friday night? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1054 It's like morphine, but a lot cheaper. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1055 The nurse took away my giant foam finger after I spilled my tapioca. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1056 Nevertheless, he persisted. 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1057 I don't care if our insurance doesn't cover it. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1058 It beats a beer enema 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1059 I guess they put me in the experimental group. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1060 When you said 'transitioning' I didn't realize that meant butterfly. 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1061 Exceptionally stupid is still exceptional. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1062 Sure you don't want a sip? 1.2381 0.05409 63 48 15 0
1063 They're gradually easing me back into my normal health maintenance program. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1064 It's comments like that that put me in here. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1065 They don't get many cures, but the days really fly by. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1066 If I had legs, this IV would make me very mobile. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1067 My doctor specializes in sports medicine. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1068 Less filling. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1069 My only health exchange is sponsored by a brewery. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1070 Your health plan leaves something to be desired. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1071 The doctors say I'll be cool enough to leave soon. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1072 Turns out I have Spring Break Fever. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1073 I'm ok with canned music but not the technology. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1074 My insurance wouldn't cover laser eye surgery, so I opted for permanent beer goggles. 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1075 I told you, beer fixes everything. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1076 Maybe the ACA wasn't so bad. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1077 The business office told me this is what my HMO covers for 'internal medicine' 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1078 Could you turn on the game? 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1079 50% IV, 50% ABV. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1080 So what I say still goes in one ear and out the other! 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1081 Where there's Bud, there's life. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1082 Help yourself to the coffee. I'm almost done with mine. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1083 Recommended therapy was just keep me comfortable. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1084 If you want your witch doctor, you can keep your witch doctor. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1085 So how much patent work does your firm do? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1086 I chose basic economy. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1087 I'm at .08 so tomorrow they put me on a six-pack 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1088 I always wanted to go out with a bang. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1089 In a few days, these can be replaced by light beer. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1090 They tried in vein 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1091 It's pending approval at the FDA, 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1092 I've exhausted my coverage for everything except placebos. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1093 It's the little things that keep me feeling alive 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1094 Apparently, the yeast infection has spread to my brain. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1095 You think I look like a butterfly??!! So much for compassion. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1096 How did you know doc Watson and I were pledge brothers together ? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1097 Seems like the old-fashioned 'drip' is gone. They're now all into mobile devices and recycling. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1098 Dr. Pepper says I'll be going home in a couple of days. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1099 This is the self-service ward. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1100 I know, but I told the doctor I was ambidextrous. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1101 The doctor was my frat brother. How did you know? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1102 Just getting my head back into the game. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1103 I hope I didn't mix these up with my catheter tubes. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1104 Bud Light was all my insurance would cover. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1105 I know but it's not as bad as what they did with the call button for the nurse! 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1106 This reuse not recycle thing is getting out of hand. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1107 What kind of messages are you getting ? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1108 Well the doctor said beer better not touch my lips. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1109 I decided to try Scientology. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1110 What are you looking at? You've never tripped over your IV pole? 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1111 Best part is I don't need to belch. 1.2364 0.06337 55 43 11 1
1112 I'm not getting any better, but at least I feel sexier. 1.2364 0.07323 55 45 7 3
1113 Medicaid stopped covering the IV pole. 1.2364 0.07323 55 45 7 3
1114 They said I was alenemic 1.2364 0.06848 55 44 9 2
1115 I told you, it runs in my veins. 1.2364 0.07769 55 46 5 4
1116 Yeah, it goes in one ear and out the other, it's only visible now. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1117 It almost reminds me of the hat I was wearing in college when we met. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1118 Go Warriors amiright? By the way I'm dying. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1119 Turns out Dr. Ramirez is a Jets season ticket holder, too. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1120 Dear, I don't feel connected to you anymore. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1121 Guess what one is morphine and what one is coffee 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1122 Remind the nurse it's nearly time for my malt liquor enema. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1123 This IS our medical insurance policy's plan for IV Therapy! 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1124 And they're noise cancelling as well. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1125 I'm starting to question doctor Levine's course of treatment. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1126 Thank God they switched to lager. Stout always gives me a headache. 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1127 This is all I could afford under Trumpcare. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1128 These Buds are for me 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1129 Let's wait until we hear from the insurance company. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1130 Now the left arm doesn't care what the right arm is doing. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1131 I think I may have a problem! 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1132 I think I can! I think I can! 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1133 Doc is an old fraternity bro. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1134 Don't worry, I'm not in any pain. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1135 It's included in our new healthcare plan. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1136 The Doctor says it's the cutting edge in Sports Medicine. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1137 Sweetheart.....this beer is medicinal. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1138 We really need to sign up for a better health insurance plan next year. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1139 As Pamela sat by Joe's bedside at the clinic, she began to wonder if the budget detox plan was the best choice... 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1140 Sorry. That just went in one ear and out the other. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1141 No, that ones the Gatorade. The one on the right is the beer. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1142 The last thing I remember was saying, "I don't understand what you mean." 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1143 Two more treatments and I'll have six-pack abs. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1144 It looks like early onset pennant fever. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1145 Apparently, my blood type is pilsner. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1146 It's treated by reverse osmosis. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1147 Straws into the mouth is a young man's game 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1148 I'm also sitting on nachos right now. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1149 Lordy....I hope there are tapes of this... 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1150 Are you saying that this procedure may not be FDA approved? 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1151 BYOIV. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1152 Relax, I've only had a couple. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1153 Don't look at me crooked like, this simple invention of mine may make us medical history. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1154 It's a thought experiment. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1155 Doc says I can switch to IPA in a few weeks. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1156 But how do I know if I am in the placebo group? 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1157 I'm thirsty. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1158 I am undergoing an expensive, unnecessary test that the doctor ordered and that insurance will cover. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1159 Same old, same old: In one ear and out the other. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1160 Don't worry, pretty sure I'm in the placebo group. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1161 The cancer's at 1st and goal, but my defense is having a blast. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1162 It's half diet coke, half morphine. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1163 Next time can we get a non-network provider? 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1164 I just couldn't let that catheter go to waste. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1165 The doctors say I may be moved to premium malt by the weekend. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1166 I swear, they ran out of AB negative. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1167 Yeh, the double brewskis pumped intravenously seem to help with the crushing feelings of abject dystopian malaise. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1168 When Pabst merged with Milwaukee General Hospital it was all about synergy. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1169 I am all ears. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1170 The nurses are going to activate it if I put my call light on one more time. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1171 It's just for the SuperBowl, dear. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1172 Are you sure this will make your hands larger? 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1173 Don't look at me like that. I'm not enjoying a single drop of it. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1174 It frees up your hands for the jello. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1175 Can we get something besides the Beach Boys? 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1176 At last! I can hear my own thoughts. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1177 I've found a solution to my double-fisted drinking problem. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1178 I think they take recycling seriously. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1179 It eliminates swallowing. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1180 I told you I was dying for a cold one 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1181 What? You said stop drinking. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1182 You'll have to ask the doctor. He told me, but it was in one ear and out the other. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1183 Maybe we should review our HMO 's coverage of alcohol treatment programs 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1184 Well, I guess they got tired constantly coming into my room to fill my coffee urn. 1.2308 0.08585 39 32 5 2
1185 My nurse has a second job at the ball park 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1186 And the best part is, this beer hat I.V. is covered by insurance. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1187 Yes, this treatment *IS* covered by our insurance policy 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1188 I've had beer goggles for 15 years, Sharon. That's why we're still married. 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1189 No dear it's not beer, they just ran out of I.V. stands. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1190 Dr. Feng-Shui believes in a completely balanced diet 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1191 No it's not what you think... it's just beer. 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1192 Right now I'm more concerned about my hands. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1193 I'm paying out of pocket, so I've brought some of my own equipment from home. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1194 The doctor went to a party school. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1195 Don’t look at me like that. The cans get recycled. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1196 If you think this is neat, you should see my catheter. 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1197 They said I'm Type IPA. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1198 "I don't know, Ed, but aren't you taking this homeopathy thing too far? 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1199 Don't judge me. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1200 Don't worry, my doctor was the smartest guy in my frat house. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1201 It's just rush week, Mom. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1202 What?! 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1203 BEHOLD!.....The fountain of youth! 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1204 It is far more efficient than chugging. 1.2295 0.05911 61 48 12 1
1205 Alcoholic Synonymous - we're taking the drinking out of drinking. 1.2295 0.05911 61 48 12 1
1206 If this goes well they are going to let me try a stout. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1207 It's a cafeteria plan. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1208 They said this will eliminate my drinking problem. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1209 Of course it’s going to work…it's Trumpcare. 1.2295 0.07165 61 51 6 4
1210 That bar back really knows how to start an IV. 1.2295 0.05911 61 48 12 1
1211 My blood type is IPA 1.2281 0.06631 57 46 9 2
1212 Gives new meaning to Medicare micro brewing. 1.2273 0.07873 44 36 6 2
1213 That's the last time I ask for a cold one. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1214 So, Mom, wasn't I smart to pledge a fraternity with it's own ER? 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1215 Doctor's orders. 1.2250 0.08388 40 33 5 2
1216 Well, the doctor told me not to drink, so this was my lawyer's advice. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1217 It's just until I regain function in my arms. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1218 This was a lot more fun when these were full of beer. 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1219 Yes, I know what you're thinking. It's called thought circulation therapy and yes, insurance covers it. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1220 let me guess, they buy their medical equipment at IKEA? 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1221 Thank God it's Friday. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1222 Really Stan? That was your final wish? 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1223 Now do you believe I have a hearing problem? 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1224 I told them I had to go to the can. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1225 The reason you're not feeling better is that Trumpcare doesn't cover the batteries. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1226 I've reached the stage of acceptance. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1227 It's because I share a bathroom. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1228 Thank you for bringing these, hospital beer is the worst! 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1229 This is how they do sports medicine now. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1230 I don't know ... they just said something about getting ready to pee in a red plastic cup. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1231 This is all the insurance company would pay for. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1232 All I said was "beer me" 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1233 Looks like beer? It IS beer. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1234 Yes, beer deficiency is a serious condition and must be aggressively treated. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1235 I didn’t say no more alcohol, I said no more DRINKING. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1236 Doc double-booked my surgery with the office Super Bowl party. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1237 Just like I've been telling you all these years, it's just what the doctor ordered. 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1238 my right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing. 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1239 You should see what they hooked up under the sheet. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1240 Who am I to question the doctor's order. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1241 The staff really knows how to make you feel at home, Larry. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1242 This IV IPA has just the right balance of electrolytes and hops. 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1243 I'm on a 13 step program. 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1244 I can't hear much of anything myself but the cans tell me the right hand now knows what the left is doing. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1245 A specialist will be fitting me for the beer goggles tomorrow. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1246 I can't 'ear a thing you're saying, dear. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1247 Just think, honey, two more treatments and you'll never have to hear about my college days again. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1248 See, I told you, Obamacare puts ideas into action. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1249 Good news! My doctor and I are fraternity brothers! 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1250 Doc says it's good for what ale's me. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1251 And when I turn my head to the left, I can hear the ocean. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1252 A local brewery asked if I'd participate in a test. Beats hospital coffee. 1.2241 0.07396 58 49 5 4
1253 She only recommended one but I didn't want the other arm to feel jealous. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1254 You're looking ashen. Maybe it's the pale ale. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1255 The morphine had a higher co-pay. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1256 The IV poles were a co-pay. 1.2241 0.07396 58 49 5 4
1257 It's just until I am strong enough for the keg. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1258 They told me it was saline, but now I 'm not so sure. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1259 I won't tweet. I won't tweet. I promise I won't tweet. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1260 The hospital charges $10/day for the IV stand. 1.2241 0.07396 58 49 5 4
1261 On the doctor's advice, I've stopped drinking. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1262 Supervised Fraternity hazing isn't what I expected. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1263 Want a sip? 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1264 You may scowl, but I have the right to beer arms. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1265 We'll it's kind of an alternative 12-step program 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1266 Concierge medicine seems to provide a certain ambience. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1267 The doctor should be making another round soon. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1268 What do you mean, you are not ready for me to come home? 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1269 All you do is rub your hands together and the migraine is gone. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1270 The doctor said it helps me not think about the bill. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1271 Remember, the doctor told us it would be minimally invasive. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1272 It helps with the tinnitus, 1.2222 0.05280 63 49 14 0
1273 You get better looking with each passing drip! 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1274 Insurance doesn't cover it, but who cares? 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1275 My doctor calls it 'selective hearing.' 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1276 My insurance doesn't cover a feeding tube, so we're improvising. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1277 Not PBR!!! 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1278 So did the surgery fix my goofy ears? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1279 I just can't stop thinking about beer 1.2222 0.05711 54 42 12 0
1280 Trump Care is great. Now I can go to the game instead of having life-saving surgery. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1281 My liver recipient is Irish. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1282 They tell me they're going to have to remove the beer cans from my head. 1.2222 0.05280 63 49 14 0
1283 The right information goes directly into my right arm. The left information goes directly into my left arm. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1284 The doc agreed with me--it's not a pre-existing condition. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1285 Of course it's beer. Why do you ask? 1.2222 0.06293 54 43 10 1
1286 Not sure how well this heal yourself option under Trumpcare is going to work. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1287 This rehab clinic is FANTASTIC 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1288 My doctor says I have a beer deficiency. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1289 What? It's just a couple of beers! 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1290 Politics aside, I don't mind our plan's new coverage. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1291 Frankly, Roger, I never thought you had a brain worth blowing up. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1292 Your tuna surprise really lived up to its name. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1293 I'm all beers! 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1294 Could you hit that "beer me" button? 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1295 They said our insurance doesn't cover morphine. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1296 USA! USA! 1.2222 0.06826 54 44 8 2
1297 It's the beer that made the Mayo Clinic famous. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1298 Technically he said I couldn’t drink before surgery. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1299 Well the American Diabetes Association wants to know! Is it Pepsi or Coke? 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
1300 Apparently, my doctor is a huge Princess Leia fan. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1301 I asked for a second opinion. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1302 The doctors keep getting younger and younger. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1303 I have a pre-existing libation. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1304 The doctor says it's the best way to treat chronic hangovers. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1305 Well, at least I'm not drinking again. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1306 Between this and the hotdog-shaped suppositories, it's like I'm AT the game. 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
1307 Turns out I'm Bud-positive. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1308 And then I said "Wait a minute, Doc. What are you gonna do with that big foam finger?" 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1309 They just want to test if I have too much blood in my alcohol 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
1310 It's recyclable and environmentally friendly. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1311 Of course I signed the consent. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1312 Double plasma mocha, no foam. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1313 I told you my need for beer was a medical emergency. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1314 Yes, it's beer. It's for medicinal purposes. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1315 Try to find out which arm is getting the placebo. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1316 It goes in one ear and out the other. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1317 My transfusion prescription did not specify “Do Not Substitute”. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1318 You can get the same thing at the beach for a lot less and it comes with beer. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1319 Don't worry, our HMO qualifies me for the session IPA. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1320 Turns out I'm IPA - 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1321 So it turns out one of my old fraternity brothers is running the clinical trial. 1.2182 0.06712 55 45 8 2
1322 My doctor was in my frat. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1323 Honey, would ask the nurse to get me two more infusions, please? 1.2182 0.06712 55 45 8 2
1324 My neurologist is sponsored by Budweiser 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1325 My Midnight Mint Mocha with a shot of dopa(mine). 1.2182 0.06712 55 45 8 2
1326 The doctor said drink what you think 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1327 It's brain food, waaaaay better than fish. I read about it on GOOP. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1328 What? It's Lite. 1.2182 0.06712 55 45 8 2
1329 I had them restart you in safe mode. 1.2182 0.07197 55 46 6 3
1330 Fun fact. The doc's also a Delta Tau Chi. 1.2182 0.05620 55 43 12 0
1331 It's called elective surgery - and I'm electing to use beer as my sedative. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1332 It's Gluten Free 1.2182 0.06712 55 45 8 2
1333 I think its starting to work, I feel better already. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1334 This? It's an IV Caddy. All the cool docs are using them now. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1335 Wait until you see what goes in through my catheter! 1.2182 0.07197 55 46 6 3
1336 Dr. Billy-Bob says I'm recovering nicely. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1337 ...and they're operating on a beer pong table. 1.2182 0.06191 55 44 10 1
1338 Did you bring the chips & dip? 1.2182 0.05620 55 43 12 0
1339 This is what you get if you don't have insurance. 1.2167 0.05363 60 47 13 0
1340 Capillus de Canis which means Hair of the Dog. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1341 Got any pretzels? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1342 The doctor said the side effects include memory loss, a lot of hugging, and text messaging my ex-girlfriends. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1343 It's the new cost-cutting Trumpcare: fluids and pain medication, all in one. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1344 So this is your idea of a balanced diet? 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1345 You think this is odd, you should see what they did with the catheter hookup. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1346 Honey, could you get me a beer please? The right side is running low. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1347 I told you it was an elective surgery. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1348 I think the caffeine carbonation is working. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1349 Thanks to healthcare reform, we can only afford light beer 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1350 In one ear and out the other. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1351 They say it will help me remember my passwords. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1352 The kids freak out when I walk through the pediatrics ward. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1353 I told you: it's in my blood. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1354 It's Visitors' Hours And Happy Hour. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1355 This is just in case things go horribly wrong. 1.2162 0.07880 37 30 6 1
1356 Last time I watch football from the sidelines. 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1357 The nurses got desperate. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1358 Dr. Pepper says he'll change my meds at 10, 2, or 4. 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
1359 It's amazing how everything is so mobile nowadays. 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
1360 All the better to see you with my dear 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1361 The doctor prescribed The Hair of the Dog! 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1362 It'll blow my mind. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1363 It's okay, but I hate when the beer goes flat. 1.2143 0.07522 56 48 4 4
1364 It's the latest in rehab therapy. 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
1365 I love your headphones 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1366 They're easing me off my current stuff. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1367 I call it "Craft Brew IV," good for whatever ails you. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1368 If you squint I look like a Bud-terfly. 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1369 Dr. Hertz and I agreed this is much less invasive than the plastic surgery you've been wanting. 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
1370 They call it craft IPA IVDA. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1371 Start the Christmas letter now. In June, my husband almost died of a hops deficiency. 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1372 The doc calls it 'InBevenous' - sedation and hydration at the same time. Pretty cool, huh? 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1373 And then the hospital said I wouldn't have to miss Beer Week. 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
1374 What can I say, Dr. Anderson was my fraternity brother. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1375 Doctor’s orders…no elbow bendin’…I slipped the orderly a 5 spot and he hooked up my tailgating gear…pretty cool…huh? 1.2143 0.07522 56 48 4 4
1376 Yes, the doctor's from Dartmouth, but that's not what this is about! 1.2143 0.06091 56 45 10 1
1377 Coachella came too quick after Comic Con International this year 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1378 Vermouth’s on the right. Doc said, “shake don’t stir.” 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1379 Using Beer as an anesthia was your idea to save money, but you used imported beer? 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1380 I'd offer you a think, but I'm all tapped out. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1381 They say it's my liver. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1382 Did you know Rx is shorthand for 'ROCK ON'? 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1383 It makes me feel like I'm at home. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1384 You got your plastic surgery, I got mine. 1.2105 0.07691 38 31 6 1
1385 What makes you think I'm addicted to diet soda? 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
1386 It adds balance to my life. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
1387 It's a new cost-savings measure for Trump Care. My anesthesia is domestic beer. 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
1388 This place is top rated for beer pong injuries. 1.2093 0.07846 43 36 5 2
1389 So far my mind doesn't work any better. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1390 It's time for my shots. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1391 You mind turning the game on? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1392 It's the new spoonful of sugar. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1393 Every hour is happy hour here. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1394 I was kidding. I like hospitals just fine. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1395 They try to make rehab as close to normal as possible. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1396 Doc says that these will keep my blood alcohol level stable during the liver transplant. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1397 Stop fretting honey, Dr. Pabst has a blue ribbon in medicine. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1398 It's the recommended treatment for Pabstian deficiency. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1399 Honey, Dr. Pepper was unavailable. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1400 The clinical trials held at frat houses were very promising. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1401 After this treatment my left hand will know what my right hand's doing. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1402 Are you sure this dialysis will filter all the trump crap out of my brain? (I'm a dialysis patient and that's what's what popped into my mind when I saw the cartoon) 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1403 The catheter is key to the whole experience. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1404 But when I drive, I'll have my hands free to text. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1405 Yes, I did come straight from the game, why do you ask? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1406 The doctor says it helps alleviate his pain. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1407 It's not called a Bloody Mary for nothing. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1408 What? Its blood lite. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1409 Of course we knew that there'd be some changes when the millennials started graduating from med school. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1410 The first six pack is a $5 co-pay. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1411 I have "COLLEGE" health care plan 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1412 And to think that beer is what got me here in the first place. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1413 Honey, could you give the nurse a $5 tip? 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1414 It was taking too long for the pilsner to kick in, so they switched me to lager. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1415 Another minute and I would have been sober! 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1416 The Doc told me I needed to quit drinking beer. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1417 This American Health Care Act is making me down right nervous 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1418 Why yes, the Doctor was in my fraternity! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1419 This is just in case I overthink things. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1420 It's aversion therapy. With any luck, it may take a couple six packs. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1421 Have you never been to a party in the I.V. League? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1422 I hope she notices that I'm not listening... 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1423 If I could move my arms I'd drink the beer like everybody else. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1424 I finally feel the left hand does know what the right hand is doing. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1425 I know you're serious about me telling you the truth but isn't this taking it too far. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1426 They're trying to make my hands larger. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1427 If you don't have much time, we've got the beer. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1428 Doc's prescribing a holistic approach. I already feel much better. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1429 ...And please stop calling this Step 5 of the program. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1430 I'm training for the big game Friday night. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1431 Well, youre the one that told me you never wanted me to take a sip of alcohol ever again. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1432 Our insurance doesn't cover an I.V. stand. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1433 I told them I wouldn't accept a transfusion from some anonymous donor. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1434 Can you believe that doc thinks I have a caffeine problem. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1435 The procedure cured my narcissism, but it failed to enlarge my tiny hands. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1436 The left side of the brain doesn't know what the right side is doing. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1437 I know what it looks like, but I'm really filling up the cans. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1438 They call it "Hair Of The Dog" treatment for alcoholism. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1439 Thanks honey, your home remedy is going to prove those doctors wrong. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1440 Stop nagging me about not getting that Medicare supplement plan 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1441 Feedback Loop! -- Feedback Loop Oscillating! --- Feedback Loop out of C... ARRRGGHH 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1442 I'm calling it the seven per cent solution. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1443 It's a holistic approach to curing sobriety. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1444 It's just Red Bull. I could quit it any time I want to. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1445 I told him to "beer me." 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1446 Good news; they're sending me home. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1447 Not sure if I should leave a tip. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1448 I'm being treated for a lack of impulse control. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1449 Patient-controlled analgesia for the uninsured. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1450 They're the only IV stand in my insurance plan. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1451 The stands cost extra. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1452 I think I love you. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1453 They say it's the quickest way to increase my sugar level. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1454 It's part of the my fraternity's medically-assisting hazing program 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1455 Yes Mom, They're Diet 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1456 Dos Equis. This bearded guy at the beach recommended. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1457 yea laugh - but wait till you see the deal I get on "Shark Tank" 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1458 This is my third round of treatment. Remind me why I was against universal healthcare? 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1459 The surgeon was a fraternity brother of mine. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1460 My donor is from Belgium, it was the only match for my hops type. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1461 You know Martha, if you're not careful your face will freeze that way 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1462 This is the very definition of a la carte health care. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1463 They are privatizing Obamacare and Budweiser is the lead corporate sponsor. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1464 Well, Trumpcare has at least ONE advantage I can think of. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1465 Don't tell - I switched it out for vodka. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1466 What? It's an IQ drip. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1467 My insurance wouldn't pay for the transfusion, but they did send over two guys and some duct tape. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1468 Under our new health plan, two Budweisers are a lot cheaper than a couple of Percocets. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1469 There's a whole other ballgame under the covers. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1470 You should see where they’ve put the tube from my groin 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1471 I'm afraid my nurse went to a party school. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1472 Tastes great, less filling. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1473 Technically, it's no longer a drinking problem. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1474 I'm ready for the kickoff. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1475 It's saline, but I'm getting a placebo buzz anyway. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1476 They said my maltose was low. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1477 ...and then the doctor said, "This is why no one ever thought of it before!" 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1478 I ordered a double Americano. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1479 This is the best I could get. Our insurance doesn't cover stethoscopes. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1480 But honey, I had to get a double-header for a double-header, you know! 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1481 It is a trial for the sports fan palliative care program. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1482 No really, I'm feeling much better now. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1483 It's part of the new individualized treatment trend. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1484 He said his name was Dr. Pepper. 1.2069 0.07683 58 51 2 5
1485 Beer? 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1486 Totally crushing my IV, dude! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1487 A simple, "I have a headache" would have sufficed, dear. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1488 I told them this is the only way I would agree to IV fluids. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1489 This "beer-can" therapy is less filling 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1490 Our new insurance only covers biofeedback with a tin-can telephone. 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1491 This new sports medicine hospital is amazing! 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1492 Well…..until I can swallow again. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1493 Did you hear that Jimmy Buffett is the new Surgeon General? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1494 Knowing his love for soda, Jeff's wife fully supported his decision to offer himself for the innovative Pepsi vs. Coke taste-test. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1495 Would you ask if they'll switch to a lager? 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1496 I've decided to self medicate. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1497 You said you wanted me to stop drinking, right? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1498 Doctors couldn't decide between beer and wine, 1.2041 0.07131 49 41 6 2
1499 Give you a sip? And I'm the one who's nuts ? 1.2041 0.06507 49 40 8 1
1500 Wait a minute - I think I'm getting the Rush Limbaugh show. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1501 Happy Hour at the hospital? Who knew? 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1502 Isn't this great Jeannie? It reminds me of college. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1503 Are you crazy? Of course I'm going back to murdering Republicans when I get out! 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1504 I want to re-boot my life. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1505 Don't worry. If my pulse drops too low, the dynamite goes off. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1506 Hey, at least our insurance covers Heineken 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1507 This way I don't look feeble pulling that "coat rack" with dangling bags around. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1508 Look, Susan, you can't make this stuff up. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1509 I got it at Super Bowl IV. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1510 They said they wanted to distill good health in me. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1511 I feel so good..... you have no idea. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1512 I'm trying the power of positive drinking. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1513 It was cheaper than the beer at the ballpark 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1514 You've complained that I never take charge. With this arrangement I will take two charges. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1515 And I thought of a name: the Great Morphinio! 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1516 They're trying to find out if my insurance covers tech support. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1517 It was touch and go for a while but the doctors finally found a match for your beer type. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1518 Turns out I was a just a little under-hopped. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1519 Imagine what I can do with a headlamp... 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1520 The doctor said it's the only way to treat a Vitamin Beer Deficiency. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1521 I'm being monitored for OCD: obsessive cola disorder. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1522 They think I don't know it's not beer. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1523 I was hoping they would have it on tap. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1524 To begin with, the police thought your new fitness tracker was a bomb. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1525 I'm thinking celestial angel, what do you think? 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1526 They're saying this will actually reduce my blood alcohol. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1527 Relax--It's one of those double blind trials. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1528 It's a self contained system. What you don't see is the catheter. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1529 I insist on recyclable containers. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1530 I use the cans because they recycle 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1531 Medical performance art. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1532 What Dumb and Dumber look like on Medicaid. Sad! 1.2037 0.07652 54 47 3 4
1533 ...And on Saturdays in the fall, they do tailgating surgery. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1534 In view of my "pre-existing condition" they allowed a latte infusion. 1.2037 0.07652 54 47 3 4
1535 You KNOW I am an early Apple adopter! 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1536 I'm not sure about that last doctor. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1537 I'm saving a fortune in IV-stand charges. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1538 Of course, pain management is still a new concept in sports medicine. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1539 It's a preexisting condition. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1540 Hospital stays sure can leave you tapped out. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1541 This is what happens when soda companies partner with healthcare. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1542 These kombucha infusions are simply amazing! 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1543 I'm a Green Bay Packers fan. Why? 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1544 Can you hear me now? 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1545 HEALING THYSELF 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1546 Dr. Dude did most of his residency at the frat house. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1547 I'm trying to extend my pre-existing condition. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1548 The new healthcare plan considers this a preexisting condition. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1549 I changed your instructions to PBR! 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1550 It's not as addictive as opioids, but I'd prefer a citrusy lager. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1551 No dear, it's a virtual-reality headset. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1552 It's about hydration. Now, be a dear, and get me another six-pack. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1553 The nurse really likes me. Her name is Ivy. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1554 You're so judgey. The nurse thought I did a good job. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1555 Yeah Ma, Ben from the old neighborhood's a real doctor now and yeah Ma - he still has that quirky sense of humour - sigh! 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1556 Turns out rehab isn't so bad after all. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1557 ..and the beer goes directly into my veins so technically I'm not really drinking.. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1558 The hospital is preparing for the AHCA bill and cutting back on buying IV poles. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1559 Turns out one of my nurses belonged to the same fraternity--what are the chances, right? 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1560 Do you want to go to the game after this? 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1561 I find this whole thing draining 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1562 Hey, baby! Can I get your number before my battle ax wife comes back? 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1563 No, seriously, this really sucks. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1564 The New England Journal says intravenous beer prevents stroke, heart attack and mange. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1565 Get outta here before I blow my top! 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1566 Doc says I can look forward to a sombrero-free life. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1567 Budweiser is my insurance provider. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1568 I don't understand. The deal was that I had to quit drinking. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1569 Honey, I know the game is on TV but this is NOT Lambeau Field. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1570 Yes, German craft beer is covered under Obamacare. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1571 Actually, it's a Black and Tan. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1572 It's a recurring battle: left-brain vs. right-brain. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1573 I can't show you my third tube. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1574 They're hoping an IPA will help 1.2037 0.07652 54 47 3 4
1575 They call it "tailgate therapy." 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1576 I like the effects of gin, but not the taste. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1577 Amazon just bought the hospital. My nurse is Alexa. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1578 ...And the best part about THIS hospital is it let's you pick your own life support! So glad I'm still on your insurance! 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1579 I told them I was ambidextrous. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1580 I don't always drink beer, but when I do... 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1581 It's not covered by my insurance, but I don't care. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1582 They got the idea at a football game. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1583 My Insurance wouldn't cover an IV Stand. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1584 I'm type PBR positive. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1585 "I don't know the current diagnosis, but it looks like Coors Light on the brain to me". 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1586 It's a little trick I learned in College to keep my blood alcohol level low enough to not get me arrested. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1587 it's pamplemousse lacroix lol i'm like addicted 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1588 I never heard of the University of Cancun either 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1589 'Too much carbonation! My aorta keeps burping'. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1590 They're giving me electrolite beer. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1591 Energy drinks got me into this mess: they'll damn well get me out 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1592 It's a fine hospital, but, yes, they do things a little differently here in Fort Lauderdale. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1593 Don't worry, they're both diet. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1594 It is less filling. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1595 I need more IBUs of Isohumulone, STAT! 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1596 Wouldn't you agree that this is more practical than Botox injections. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1597 Apparently the next wave of cancer immunotherapy is small batch beer. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1598 You know I check myself in here for every NCAA tournament. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1599 It lowers my copay. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1600 It has to go in one ear and out the other to get to my heart. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1601 Are you sure I can go back to work with this? 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1602 They've learned how to totally circumvent the blood-brain barrier regulations. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1603 The brewery gives us great health benefits. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1604 If this makes my hands bigger, we go on to Phase 2. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1605 Well, you told me, 'You never change your mind' well! 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1606 At least I don't have to push that pole stand around! 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1607 Welcome to TrumpCare. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1608 Now lets try that with an iPhones 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1609 The nurse told me it's craft, small batch, and gluten-free. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1610 Both doctors were right -- it tastes great, and it's less filling! 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1611 The doc said something about my liver... 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1612 The surgery was a success. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1613 The doctor is from Milwaukee so he gives me beer IV's. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1614 Your IV bags are upside down. 1.2037 0.05532 54 43 11 0
1615 Apparently I'm bi-cola. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1616 Before this, I had always taken your cans in vain 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1617 They promised me a six-pack by the weekend 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1618 I still don't think I have a drinking problem 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1619 It's stomach cancer not liver cancer. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1620 It's Pepsi. Supposed to ease the Coke withdrawal. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1621 Yes, dear, I'm prepared to hear you out. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1622 My mind's a blank - all I can think of is diet soda! 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1623 The upside is that costs are much lower for TrumpCare. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1624 The beer is what got you in here to begin with. This is a hospital not a bar. 1.2037 0.07652 54 47 3 4
1625 A bunch of us are getting together this afternoon to do the waiver. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1626 I'm leaning to the Left side. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1627 IV stands were cut in the secret Senate version. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1628 Well, the game was on. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1629 It's a craft morphine that's extra hoppy. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1630 Hon, it looks weird I know, but if you still want to have sex then I am up for it. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1631 Doctor's orders, no drinking. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1632 Did you bring the hot dogs? 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1633 Speak up — I can't beer you. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1634 Hey, you're the one who wanted to spring for the PPO. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1635 It's the newest thing in economical pain management! 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1636 I also get free wi-fi. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1637 I'm cautiously optimistic about this new rehab. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1638 Don't worry, Medicare reimburses for the local craft beer. This one has some floral notes. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1639 The whole ER was pretty close to panic when the chief resident finally stablized me with a nut brown ale. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1640 The Mets are on life support. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1641 Sports medicine. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1642 Well, at least with ObamaCare ...I'm not paying through the nose. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1643 It was invented by a doctor fresh out of college. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1644 They wouldn't let me have opioids, but I get to keep it when I go home! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1645 Canned beer is now the only pain killer my insurance covers. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1646 The nurse said it was developed by the medical genius Doctor Pepper. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1647 Nice job choosing our health insurance. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1648 The doctor says this is the the way to save our marriage. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1649 Beats an IV pole. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1650 Hey honey! You should get in on this. The best part, is you never have beer on your breath! Where's the nurse? I could go for some pretzels. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1651 It's not as bad as it looks. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1652 It only hurts when I do the wave. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1653 Doc said it's OK, as long as it's an IPA. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1654 You promised me your love for better or for worse but did that include artificial intelligence? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1655 What?? They said plenty of fluids!! 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1656 Last call. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1657 You think I´m happy? They refuse to give me any peanuts! 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1658 They've got me stabilized at the Ballmer peak. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1659 He just said, "plenty of fluids." 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1660 ...on the other hand, I could have had a V-8 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1661 At least we got morphine on ObamaCare. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1662 No, it's not a proven antibiotic, but who the hell cares? 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1663 Well, Life IS a party after all. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1664 Can you believe they don't have pretzels. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1665 Told you I'd quit drinking. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1666 Ok, let's go to the ball game! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1667 I'm able to switch out the cans by myself, but I'm going to need your help with the hot dogs. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1668 I like it when they mix vanilla and chocolate. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1669 What? No extreme measures? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1670 You better hope that there are no "tapes" of our conversations, Marjorie. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1671 We even get free popcorn on Movie Night. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1672 They said its just all in my head. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1673 It's Hair of the Dog therapy.. cutting edge. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1674 I AM allowed but for medicinal purposes only. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1675 I signed a five page consent form. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1676 Hey - no problem going to the john.... 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1677 They bumped me up to porter. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1678 What d’ya expect when a former frat brother opens a hospital! 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1679 They said it's less addictive than opioids. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1680 They said I can't "drink" beer while in the hospital. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1681 It's all our insurance would cover. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1682 How is THIS a drinking problem? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1683 The doctor told me to stop drinking beer. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1684 I promised you no alcohol shall ever pass through my lips again! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1685 Guinness is an accepted medication in some parts of the world. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1686 But honey, it's the playoffs. I had to raise my game. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1687 The doctor said it's all in my head. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1688 Do you think we should get a second opinion, George? 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1689 One is tequila and one is crème de menthe. I see pretty pictures all day. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1690 Turns out the doctor's a fellow Sigma Phi 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1691 Painless detox. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1692 I've always been private about my life until now. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1693 This is practice for Trumpcare. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1694 I worry my doctor is a big "Catch 22" fan ! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1695 It's an Intravenous Pale Ale. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1696 They call it "selfcare". 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1697 Lovin' this Trumpcare. 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
1698 they swear it will enlarge my hands 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1699 Doctor says it's a new TrumpCare Kool Aid drip. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1700 Couldn't they just give me a straw? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1701 It helps get the creative juices flowing. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1702 It's called an "IPA" scan 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1703 All this medicine and yet you still make me sick. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1704 I'm sorry but "lite" was all they have 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1705 they're telling me it's a broken foot 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1706 My efforts to get drunk tonight were in vein. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1707 We're not covered for blood, so they put me on a Dr. Pepper drip. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1708 For starters, no, "Critical Condition" does't mean you finally get to freely comment on my choice of beverages. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1709 It was the nineteenth inning and the last thing I remember was being out of brewskis. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1710 I don't know why, but I feel like I have an explosive headache. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1711 Yes, it's beer, but it's gluten free. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1712 There's a tube beneath the sheet for recycling. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1713 Who'da thunk it? Two tin cans and -- voilà -- total faith in the president again! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1714 No, it isn't a 'brain drain.' You have to have some first. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1715 It's 98% effective and I'm getting NPR! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1716 One of them is vodka. The other is orange juice. I could stay here forever. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1717 I had to use my wellness days and I had a case of vodka about to expire. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1718 Yes, it's awkward, but it's better than my old hearing aid. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1719 What?! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1720 Miller Lite, of course. Why do you ask? 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1721 When you promised not another drop would touch your lips, I didn't expect this. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1722 Apparently anesthesia is not covered in my new health plan. 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
1723 Fortunately I also have full coverage on the catheters. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1724 The doctor said it's all in my head. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1725 Turns out I'm low on IPA. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1726 Now I don't have a drinking problem anymore. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1727 Thanks, mom. What else have you got in that bag? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1728 It's a pretty serious case, so it's strictly prescription-strength brewsky for me. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1729 This was the only way I could stop the slurping. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1730 Turns out the surgeon was in my college fraternity. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1731 I think Narragansett lager would work better! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1732 And she wondered for a moment why she'd ever thought having his jaw wired shut would slow down his game day consumption. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1733 Yes! I can hear you now! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1734 No it's not the carrot juice infusions Christine, I only have popped out eyes for you! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1735 They call it an IVA. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1736 I wish. It's just drip coffee. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1737 Hospitals are getting crushed with this "patient satisfaction" stuff... 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1738 My heart says one thing, but my head says another. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1739 Who knew? Cold beer is good for fever. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1740 didn't you hear? Redbull gives you wings. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1741 The doctor said my IPA level was too low. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1742 Will this make me right-handed? 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1743 It's only until I'm allowed to use my tongue again. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1744 It's always just in one ear and out the other with you. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1745 Craft Brewed is the latest therapy 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1746 A new IVPA: Intravenous Pale Ale 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1747 They tell me that if I use this treatment daily, I will stay happily married to you for the rest of my life. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1748 I was hesitant at first, too. But it's all in-network! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1749 It's Republican health care. Instead of opioids, they prescribed a beer hat. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1750 Who won 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
1751 The specialist stated it was 'exophthalmos' and that was a real eye-popping diagnosis! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1752 Wow! When you frown, the feedback loop speeds up - awesome! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1753 I told them my blood type was IPA. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
1754 Wait, isn't this what "draining the swamp" means? 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1755 I KNEW that low premium health insurance policy was too good to be true. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1756 Coke vs Pepsi Challenge 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
1757 It's the new Trump-care anaesthetic. They operate when you pass out. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1758 Let's just say I needed a pair of second opinions. 1.1961 0.06275 51 42 8 1
1759 I'm participating in the clinical trial of an anesthetic replacement for the proposed American health care plan. 1.1961 0.06275 51 42 8 1
1760 Drinks on me! 1.1961 0.05615 51 41 10 0
1761 What can I say? When life gives you lemons... 1.1961 0.06871 51 43 6 2
1762 Tomato Tomahto, Sheila! 1.1961 0.06275 51 42 8 1
1763 I chugged myself into the hospital; I'll chug myself out of the hospital. 1.1961 0.06871 51 43 6 2
1764 "It's the best my insurance could do". 1.1961 0.05615 51 41 10 0
1765 So? How do I look? 1.1961 0.06275 51 42 8 1
1766 Like they say, "Where there's life, there's Bud." 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
1767 The nurses are planning a tailgate party for me. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
1768 It'll just be until I can start drinking again. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
1769 The more I use this, the better I feel and the better you look. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
1770 It's called Mindful Healing 1.1892 0.08523 37 32 3 2
1771 Do you think L. Ron Hubbard would approve? 1.1892 0.07591 37 31 5 1
1772 This one tastes great, but the other one isn't so filling. 1.1892 0.06528 37 30 7 0
1773 You looked good with my beer goggles, but you look GREAT with my beer i.v. 1.1892 0.06528 37 30 7 0
1774 The doctor's say by tomorrow I won't be able to hear you no matter how loud you scream at me. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1775 They are trying to determine how a Trump speech affects my pulse. 1.1887 0.07646 53 47 2 4
1776 Who knew there was a "Party Store" inside the hospital? 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1777 Yes, dear. The doctor just confirmed the results....men with small hands do have fewer measurable brain cells. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1778 The doctor said "no beer drinking before surgery". He never said I couldn't have a couple of brewskis intravenously. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1779 Actually, it's one of the few things the AHCA covers. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1780 I'm a closed system. The catheter goes to the third can. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1781 its called LaCriox and its healthy. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1782 I've never felt like you've taken me very seriously, Mrs. Cleaver. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1783 I told the EMT these stay in until the bottom of the seventh. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1784 They say my blood type is Beer negative. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1785 Dr. Bud says my beer cell count was low. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1786 Red wine just doesn't work for me. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
1787 I opted for the experimental cansfusion instead of the old transfusion! 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1788 My doctor loves craft beers too. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1789 President Trump said brain stimulation would help my small hands problem. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1790 They are doing some amazing research here at the Budweiser Clinic. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1791 Don't ask. It's part of the new secret medical plan. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1792 Oh, a couple of my Sigma Nu brothers stopped by while you were out. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1793 It's the small hands syndrome you are being treated for... 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1794 According to my blood test, I'm legally a beverage. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1795 Insurance won't cover your minor coma. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1796 Are we sure this was our best rehab option? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1797 And you say this was invented by an Eagles Fan? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1798 Phyllis, what do you mean I haven't been the same since the Cubs won the World Series? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1799 The doctor calls it SuperBowlitis 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
1800 Don't pull the plugs on me. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1801 I need covfefe. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1802 Guaranteed, Maria. These Dos Equis will make me the most interesting man in the world. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1803 Don't worry; they're diet. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1804 Be patient , Dear, you are in a special trial program. Its a combo of WD40 and SaniFlush and if it works you will be featured in Plumbers Weekly Journal. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1805 Have you heard about the shortage of IV poles? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1806 How is the reception? 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1807 I couldn't use the poles and keep my gown shut. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1808 I'm having a Bud transfusion. 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
1809 Dr. Bob and I lived in the same Frat house at college. Always the prankster. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1810 I beg you; hook me to the coffee pot. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1811 do you remember now how you ended up in the ER? 1.1860 0.06865 43 36 6 1
1812 On a positive note, I hear they may have discovered a cure for Alcoholism. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
1813 It's Weaning Rehab, I'm down to Malt liquor. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1814 Pro tip: Don't call the head nurse a drip. 1.1842 0.06373 38 31 7 0
1815 Guess what happens if you say ANYTHING! 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1816 It's called brain dialysis. In a few hours you'll be intelligent. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1817 I'm type XXX 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1818 Dr. Coors should be doing his rounds any time now. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1819 They said it was a pre-existing condition. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1820 they found your favorite craft beer. impressive. 1.1837 0.07533 49 43 3 3
1821 They asked me which anesthetic I preferred and I picked Bud Light! 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1822 It's a post-surgical pain relief breakthrough: IV beer! 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1823 Thank you for visiting dear, but you are interrupting the Packers game. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1824 I told them I'm not one of the leakers but this has me a little concerned. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1825 The surgeon said this was a lot cheaper than going through the hassle of transplanting larger hands. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1826 Hey -- whatever works ! 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1827 Yes, I can 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1828 Ambidextrous transfusion, huh? Is it lite or regular? 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1829 Its the result of a lapsed insurance policy. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1830 They didn't have any non-alcoholic, I swear. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1831 Doc says if I can beat him in a game of cornhole I can go back to campus. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1832 They're charging me extra for premium care. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1833 The sweat on my arm recharges them--very efficient and cost effective. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1834 I'm all about that stout 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1835 I dunno, it's called Beerpuncture therapy. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1836 It's the King of Beers. I'll be outta here in no time. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1837 Our insurance doesn't cover ancillary medical equipment. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1838 It's the Anheuser Busch health plan. This is the deductible. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1839 The doctor said if I can avoid watching CNN's BREAKING NEWS for the next 3-4 years, my headset may never explode. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1840 I told you I would die a Packers fan. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1841 Are the cats okay? 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1842 Hey, it's chemo-thirty somewhere. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1843 I'm not sure what they're doing, but it has a great cooling affect. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1844 Sue, I'm a performance artist, what do you expect? 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1845 Plasma recycling. Yes, it's a thing. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1846 I did give up drinking! 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1847 Told you I'd quit drinking. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1848 It's not too late to come in on this round of funding. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1849 No Mary, it's not real blood--- 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1850 Carl says to tell you hi. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1851 Of course I'm really sick - you've always said so. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1852 They only do this on game days. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1853 It won't make you any wiser, Bud. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1854 I just rigged this up myself with ginger ale cans to kid the nurses. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1855 They think maybe I should stop smoking. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1856 It worked for Lance Armstrong. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1857 It's just that being hooked up to a saline drip seemed so pointless. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1858 I'm a recovering alcoholic. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1859 It's to see if my cancer gets as toasted as I do on a six pack a day. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1860 I think you're confusing hypochondria with thirst. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1861 It's the New Yorker, Ms Benes, we don't explain them. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1862 It's an off label use for caffeine withdrawal. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1863 Under the Affordable Care Act, this treatment is covered for a pre-existential condition. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1864 It lacks a human element. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1865 They've determined it's something called 'Explosive Headache'. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1866 See? I knew the gold-plated plan was worth it! 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1867 Who's got two IV's and likes to party? 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1868 It was this or a beer bong. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1869 Tomorrow, they'll be moving you into the beer pong ward. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1870 I'm channeling my inner-venus love for beer. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1871 When the doctor said to call him in the morning, he didn't mean 2:00 a.m. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1872 I'm rethinking the mustard on my catheter. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1873 Its the very latest in laser eye surgery - beer goggles 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1874 Sure, Zeta Theta Chi Memorial Hospital might not have the best doctors, but the survivors have the most fun. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1875 I am hard-wired for this challenge. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1876 Don't shut me out Russell. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1877 The insurance company will only pay for diet soda 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1878 Don't worry - it's gluten free. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1879 The doctors say I only have about three more beers... 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1880 Thank goodness they didn't put me in the dry ward. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1881 I guess I can't stop whenever I want. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1882 One of the side effects apparently is impaired hearing. 1.1837 0.07533 49 43 3 3
1883 There's no cap on my health insurance. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1884 I told the nurse I should've had a V8, so she set me up. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1885 It wasn't my idea. The doctors don't want me to go in withdrawal. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1886 Well, you won't let me have a drink at home! 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1887 I guess my ears aren't as big as I thought. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1888 She's all doom and gloom. I can't wait for happy hour to kick in. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1889 They call it a disease, so don't get too close. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1890 Damn nursing shortage! 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1891 I told you beer was good for me. 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1892 Thirsty? Reach for the cup if you dare! 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1893 It's the latest attempt to treat brain drain. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1894 You caused my ulcer and my need for beer. 1.1837 0.06304 49 41 7 1
1895 You see what Obamcare gets you today?! 1.1837 0.05589 49 40 9 0
1896 WIV FM, the station that really cares! 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1897 It's pledge week here at Sigma Alpha Hospitalon. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1898 It's called 'double fisting' Sharon. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1899 I prefer the Pinot Noir over the Chardonnay! 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1900 I hear with the new healthcare plan you get 3 cans, but they didn't say where the other tube goes. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1901 Don't Worry It's LITE. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1902 I like this Obamacare Light 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1903 I'd pull the plug, but there doesn't seem to be an outlet. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1904 Good going in, great coming out! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1905 They said liquid diet only 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1906 The doctor says it's not technically drinking. It is intravenous fluids. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1907 goes in one ear, out the other 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1908 This is the treatment if the hospital doesn't accept my generic Health Insurance. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1909 Thanks for listening all my woes. I feel so much better now. I will come every week to check on your progress. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1910 It was Dr. Acula's idea. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1911 My blood type is Pilsner positive. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1912 Don't ask where they hooked up the nachos. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1913 And the nurse says I can have as much ice cream as I want! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1914 Doctor's orders. Did you bring the chips? 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1915 They misunderstood me when I said pop ran in my blood. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1916 Mind running to the vending machine for me, honey? I'm feeling a little light-headed. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1917 Just be happy I don't need a quadruple bypass. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1918 I was at a tailgate party. It was all they could find. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1919 Well, we should have seen this coming when they announced the new 'Foxworthy' wing at the hospital. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1920 Because! I've always wanted to have wings. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1921 I do not have a problem! These are hospital issue. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1922 Your fraternity brothers may be impressed, but I'm not. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1923 Don't look so surprised dear! This is improving my night vision. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1924 Dear, I feel like my head is about to explode. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1925 All part of the crackdown on opioids. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1926 Dr. Billy Bob said I almost didn't make it. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1927 I told you I needed a beer. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1928 We're just going to have to get used to having Christo in our neighborhood. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1929 No, two a day is good for you. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1930 It's called " Psychodialysis". 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1931 The doctor said I needed plenty of fluids. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1932 I have a confession, my love. I am a Coke addict. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1933 Comes with Trump's new insurance plan. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1934 Thanks honey, couldn't miss the big game. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1935 So when is happy hour 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1936 What? It's V8. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1937 These Cancun hospitals sure are cutting edge. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1938 The doctors said it was almost "Game Over". 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1939 Honey...It's the only man-flu treatment out there that exists. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1940 My new doctor is a sports medicine specialist. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1941 Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1942 Now all I need is a pretzel catheter. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1943 i don't think this doctor knows what he is doing 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1944 These beer I.V. tubes haven't cured my alcoholism or my liver failure but they've done wonders for my social anxiety disorder. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1945 No, it does not make you look like an elephant. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1946 You might be a redneck. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1947 I feel fine but the doctor said there were complications with my hysterectomy. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1948 Turns out my doctor is a sports fan too 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1949 They asked me if I preferred a traditional IV pole or the new "Redneck Drinking Team" option. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1950 I requested the Bose headphones but our plan didn't cover that. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1951 I DON'T KNOW, THE DOCTOR SAID HEAL THYSELF 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1952 How else do you think I get my liquid courage? 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1953 Not enough oomph in the blood. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1954 I STILL don't like Wagner! 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1955 Of course it was a male nurse. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1956 Another Obamacare Lie 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1957 This give new meaning to "brain drain"! 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1958 It's the Giants, babe. It's the Giants. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1959 ..and you laughed at me when I bought this drinking contraption! Who's laughing now! 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1960 Bros before HMOs. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1961 I think we need to rethink your choice of a sports medicine doctor... 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1962 IV poles recalled. Failed tip-test again... 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1963 It's the new colonoscopy prep. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1964 I'm really looking forward to the seventh inning stretcher. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1965 YOLO, babe. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1966 I'm looking for better mental health coverage. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1967 We need to find a way to sneak this out come check-out! 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1968 On the other hand, the copay is quite low. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1969 Is this really a good idea post-liver transplant? 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1970 Like most of us, Dear, you just don't understand the power of statistics. Of course I'll be a better painter! 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1971 Before we talk about my will, I just wanna give a shout out to the Budweiser Health Insurance... 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1972 Yes, but we're saving $37.72 per day 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1973 I'm scheduled for an early discharge. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1974 I could have bought all this crap for a third of the price on line. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1975 Um...'My health insurance doesn't cover anesthesia'? 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1976 The surgeon is my fraternity bro. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1977 I cannot hear you. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1978 You knew it was happy hour. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1979 "I feel my head's about to explode". 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1980 Size doesn't matter to me Frank 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1981 They call it medical two-fisting. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1982 Oh, and my catheter goes into the other 2 beer cans in the rotation 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1983 My doctor is a millenial 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1984 Got a match? 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1985 Fortunately, the EMT was an old college frat brother who could see what I needed. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1986 It's not bad... There is almost always a game on. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1987 Tailgate party and colonoscopy. It's a win-win situation. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1988 What? I'm an alcoholic. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1989 The one on my left is liquefied pizza. The other is beer. Party time. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1990 I quit drinking 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1991 Only the left side is a pre-existing condition. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1992 I imagine I have much bigger hands since my treatment began. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1993 The doctor said you're better off with this beer addition than that opium thing. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1994 Hospital cutbacks. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1995 At the 7th inning stretch I get a sponge bath. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1996 No honey, I'm Detoxing... 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1997 I never really liked the taste of beer. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1998 It's the new 13 Step Program. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1999 My insurance only pays for domestic. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2000 I LOVE this place. Wait until you see their cure for gambling. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2001 I've looked at life from both sides now. It's win and lose and bzzzzzzzt somehow. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
2002 Calm down, I know beer would kill me. That's why I refilled them with vodka. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2003 Doctor says, two of these a day and I'll be good as new. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2004 Moving my arms keeps them charged. You can't even see the hearing aids themselves. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
2005 And you said the America Care Act wasn't for the common man. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2006 This allows me to move around much easier without dragging that little stand behind me! 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
2007 Don't tell the doctor, but I put beer in my IV. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2008 No, I won't ask the nurse what they have on tap. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2009 Already had the IV lines, and they agreed to leave 'em in. When we get home I'll rig up coat rack with wheels and hang up an enema bag. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
2010 You didn't give away that extra ticket to "Hamilton," did you? 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2011 Long term, surgically implanted Wi-Fi will be cheaper than our cable bills. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2012 I think the nurse might be new. You should see where she tried to stick the stethoscope! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2013 "And I have to call him 'Dr Dude' ". 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2014 I wish it was beer!! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2015 Honey, I don't think this is covered by our insurance. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2016 The doctor says I should be back to my old self in no time. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2017 When they're hooked up, I can hear the ocean. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2018 But the doc says I'm NPO 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2019 Do you think it's possible that someone misread the doctor's order for an EEG and ordered TNT instead? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2020 I can't wait until my right hand knows what my left hand is doing. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2021 It is supposed to make my hands bigger! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2022 For a Joe Sixpack like me, Trumpcare works. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2023 No one would believe that this is a pre-existing condition anyway. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2024 It's supposed to cure my 'Donald Trump Hands'. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2025 Dear, you're being reprogrammed to appreciate the little things in life. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2026 Turns out 'universal recipient' includes microbrews! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2027 Coffee? Yeah, I could use a refill. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2028 They allow me to hear what I am doing. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2029 They put me on an IPA drip for the Packers game. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2030 I don't think this counts when the doctor said to stop drinking. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2031 On my left is a hoppy IPA and on my right, a summer shandy. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2032 Is this a more expensive version of the "cold beer can to the head" home remedy? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2033 My illness is not any better but they are treating my soda addiction successfully. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2034 Doc says I'm a quart short. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2035 I can hear myself getting better 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2036 I always thought you had a head for medicine. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2037 Heart attack hit me at the game, so they just, you know... 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2038 And it has 80 less calories than the normal drip. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2039 Don't know if it's working but at least it's in stereo. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2040 Medicare... 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2041 Honey is the attending hot dog vendor in the hall? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2042 The doctors told me to quit drinking , so I did. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2043 Did you bring the pretzels? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2044 I'll do anything you say, just please get me off of this soup IV. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2045 Latest Tinnitus cure-constant running water. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2046 Can I have some water, I'm getting a metallic taste in my mouth!! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2047 Julian, you're being abstract. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2048 They give me one unit of blood and one unit of latte every morning. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2049 They ran out of alcohol swabs. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2050 Can you get me a jumbo dog? The game is about to start. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2051 It helps my hearing, but only men's voices. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2052 Totally the nurse's idea. She remembered me from college. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2053 The doctor says that with this possible cure, its inevitable that the lager blends with the ale. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2054 It keeps me level headed. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2055 I had to do this. They are very strict on no drinking beer in here. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2056 Yes, but it's craft beer. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2057 I'm all charged. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2058 I guess this means you won't be going back to AA. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2059 Turns out I'm type Dos Equis 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2060 Darling, I'm the Head Case!?!? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2061 The IPA mixture makes me hoppy. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2062 I feel certain the IMPORT is more effective. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2063 The reviews were right. This place has a great happy hour! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2064 I say, go with what you know--I can't tolerate those opioids. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2065 $13.99 on eBay or $546 for the hospital model, it's a no-brainer! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2066 On your next visit, could you bring pretzels? 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2067 I won it playing foosball with Doc Rolle! 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2068 I call it my 'hoppy' medicine. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2069 It's FOX to my right side and MSNBC to my left. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2070 Relax, it's a two pint deductible. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2071 Next will be the libido center. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2072 There's been a lot of buzz about this particular medical advance. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2073 It's the only option if you're self-insured. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2074 Ready for the big game? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2075 They said I have to quit drinking, sooo... 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2076 I had them give me one vanilla and one chocolate. The room's beginning to swirl. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2077 It's cheaper than morphine. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2078 The pre-op tailgate party was to die for. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2079 The portable IV apparatus is a gift from Kellyanne. She wants me to return to work at the White House for tomorrow's press briefing. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2080 Heere breake we off our sundrie languages, 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2081 It's an experimental intravenous two pack beer treatment 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2082 What? It's just Pilsner. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2083 I’m a TrumpCare guinea pig. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2084 Did you bring the pretzels? 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2085 So, did you bring the chips? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2086 This is a teaching hospital. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2087 I'm not sure Budweiser was the right choice to run the national health care system. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2088 Dear- in the sixtys- we used a straw. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2089 I get insurance through my fraternity. 1.1765 0.07252 51 45 3 3
2090 I'm simply following the doctor's orders -- nothing by mouth. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2091 And we set up a beer pong table for our pills! 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2092 I didn't realize the 'V' was for vodka. 1.1765 0.06075 51 43 7 1
2093 Hey, back off it's happy hour. 1.1714 0.07654 35 30 4 1
2094 Honey, what inning is it? 1.1714 0.06463 35 29 6 0
2095 I kicked my drinking habit. 1.1714 0.07654 35 30 4 1
2096 It's stronger than Viagra. Get ready! 1.1714 0.07654 35 30 4 1
2097 We're hoping enough beer will at least put my fear of imminent death in remission. 1.1714 0.06463 35 29 6 0
2098 They disapproved of my brainchild, so I hadda do the needle sticks myself. 1.1707 0.05949 41 34 7 0
2099 They have me NPO 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
2100 Okay, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to mainline beer! 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
2101 This way I feel like I'm actually at the game. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
2102 I've got a homeopathic home-brew IV. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2103 The left side of my brain says it's over, but the the right side says we should forge on. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2104 You won't believe it but my Doc was a frat brother of mind! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2105 another placebo but covered by insurance. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2106 It's hard to tell, but, I'm sure it's not imported. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2107 Told the doctor I had tickets to the NBA finals. I'm afraid I had to give him yours. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2108 Harm abduction. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2109 I feel ready for some football. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2110 I was lucky to have found a doctor at the St Patrick's Day parade. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2111 It is the only known cure for thinking outside the box. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2112 They concluded that I was aleing...... 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2113 Christ, Eric, this is what got you in here in the first place! 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2114 I told you, you drive me to drink. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2115 In one ear and out the other arm. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2116 Yes, it is a teaching hospital. And yes, it is Delta Tau Chi week. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2117 I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day. Everything the doctor says goes in one ear and out the other...and then repeats. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2118 I could only schedule it during spring break. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2119 I thought we discussed limiting yourself to funneling. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2120 Last night the doctor prescribed tequila shots for the whole floor. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2121 Beer is not just for breakfast anymore. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2122 It's not a medical device at all, I'm testing two different brands of coffee!" 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2123 Could you change the channel to ESPN? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2124 Something called 'aural apnea', I think he said. In any event, I'm sleeping better. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2125 You can't just quit cold turkey. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2126 And don't tell me to quit drinking. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2127 Do these beer cans make my head look fat? 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2128 Our health insurance includes free refills. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2129 And you really think a drinking hat wouldn't have been enough?! 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2130 I told you I was a butterfly just waiting to come out. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2131 Relax. Only one of them is beer. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2132 Tell the neighbors; the tailgate's back on. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2133 Cheer up. It's Happy Hour. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2134 For crissakes, Mark, I didn't mean it literally! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2135 It’s called a bi-cola drip, not a “bi-polar trip.” 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2136 The patch didn't work. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2137 But honey I've been in a coma for 20 years so technically it's like I'm still in college. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2138 Did you bring the beer nuts? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2139 Doesn't taste like slow gin fizz. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2140 Are we still in Florida? 1.1667 0.07493 48 43 2 3
2141 It just goes back to my head 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2142 The right one is for the scotch, the left one for the soda. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2143 On his lawyer's advice, George refused to take the stand. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2144 I don't like the taste of beer. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2145 Strap-on Brain Enhancers. I knew it was too good to be true on Amazon... 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2146 Dr. Oz is a weaning me off Twitter. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2147 I'm on a diet. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2148 I promised you I would stop drinking. I'm using "liquorette patches". 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2149 They told me I needed a transbrewsion. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2150 Enough with the bi-laterial stimulation! 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2151 The nurse didn't even look at my chart. I'm supposed to be on Hefeweizen or Belgian Wheat, but I think this is just Bud Light. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2152 The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2153 Is this how they deal with a split personality? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2154 Beer drinking level: Expert 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2155 May I suggest a fine red wine for next time, it has anti-aging elements. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2156 If our insurance covers this, I'm never going to leave. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2157 They said the alternative was a lobotomy. 1.1667 0.06745 42 36 5 1
2158 beeri beeri for my beriberi 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2159 Blink twice if you want me to have the nurse switch you over to the coffee pot. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2160 So, this is what you meant by, "I needed two pints"? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2161 My doctor and I were in the same frat at Cornell. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2162 My alcohol blood level is getting low. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2163 What do you expect when I get my insurance through Local 176-671 of the National Beer Distributor's Union? 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2164 The diagnosis is "batshit crazy" 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2165 The doctor said that he while can't promise that I will feel better after this treatment, it is likely I'll gain membership into the fraternity he belonged to when he was at university. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2166 Wanna see my HMO catheter? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2167 Well, I'm partying like there is no tomorrow. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2168 It's called "The Party Procedure". If my body doesn't reject it, I should be able to filibuster every bill the opposition proposes. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2169 My insurance doesn’t cover mixed IVs. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2170 We're saving a fortune in IV pole charges! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2171 This didn't work out so well in college either ! 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2172 It's a local, craft blood. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2173 It's unorhadox but they swear by it in Fort Luaderdale 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2174 It's a Trump Dermal beer hat patch. Science embraced! Good! 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2175 Rudimentary but affordable 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2176 Boat needs no anchor in a parking lot. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2177 I failed my K.E.G.. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2178 I'm sure glad we have a good insurance program that allows us to use the expensive beer 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2179 Where's the nurse? Hand me my air horn. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2180 The doctor said it was mind over matter. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2181 It goes well with the peanut therapy. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2182 They ran out of saline. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2183 No it's not. It's beer that got you in here in the first place. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2184 It's a noninvasive therapy that is reducing my tinnitus symptoms significantly! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2185 Did I tell you the one about the guy who walks into a bar with two cans of beer taped to his head? 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2186 It was the best tailgate party I've ever been to. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2187 Now my left hand knows what my right hand is doing. Wait, or is it my right hand that knows...? 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2188 When they used the paddles on my chest, I think someone thought they yelled 'BEER!' 1.1667 0.06868 54 48 3 3
2189 This way it's party on top, amputations down below. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2190 My doctor's a really big fan. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2191 Stop judging me Diane. Lack of beer is a type of dehydration. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2192 It is not exactly a new idea, I have seen it at sporting events. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2193 It's called "The healing power of beer" 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2194 I don't believe in blood transfusions.. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2195 They told me to make a wish. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2196 So I said to the nurse, "Bags? Bags! I don't need no stinkin' bags." 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2197 It only hurts when I say Bernie would have aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2198 I hate to tell you, you are still on Planet Earth. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2199 It's BYOIV! 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2200 Come on - it's Father's Day... 1.1667 0.07493 48 43 2 3
2201 I hear you, but I don't feel what you are saying. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2202 An insipid moronic childish level cartoon drawing does not rate a caption from a New Yorker subscriber! But a Deplorable, cut off from medical care under theRepublican Wedon'tCare plan might have to settle for aTrump beer hat intravenous set up. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2203 Could you please get the government to interfere with my healthcare. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2204 You would think they could hook them up to each other and eliminate the middle man. 1.1667 0.07454 36 31 4 1
2205 The doctor said that he can't promise whether I will feel better after this treatment, it is likely I'll gain membership into the fraternity he belonged to when he was at university. 1.1667 0.07454 36 31 4 1
2206 Turn on the TV. I suddenly feel like watching a game. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2207 I have no idea... it's a double-blind test. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2208 I feel like I'm in college again. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2209 It's just like at the ballgame, only faster. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2210 It takes recycling to a whole new level. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2211 Enough. You win. Obamacare wasn't so terrible. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2212 Still better than AHCA 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2213 Technically I'm not drinking beer... 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2214 You're the one who wanted to go to the free clinic 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2215 This is what got you here in the first place. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2216 Care to join me for a beer? I have an extra intravenous tube. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2217 Now this is a preexisting condition. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2218 Do you think that cute nurse will find this funny? 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2219 Self medication was the only health plan option offered. 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2220 The counsellor was right about plastic surgery. These implants make me feel fantastic and you look as beautiful to me as the day we first met. 1.1667 0.05436 48 40 8 0
2221 No one tells MacGyver how to set up his own IV drip 1.1667 0.05820 42 35 7 0
2222 It's called "patient centered care." 1.1667 0.06876 48 42 4 2
2223 Great. Now tell me something to drop my blood pressure. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2224 Trumpcare covers beeralysis. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2225 This seems strangely familiar. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2226 They go off if my insurance company denies the claim. 1.1667 0.06198 48 41 6 1
2227 The only bad thing is that I can't lay down. 1.1633 0.06743 49 43 4 2
2228 Like you would agree so easily to completely losing your identity? 1.1633 0.06743 49 43 4 2
2229 Why do you thing something is aleing me? 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2230 It's a treatment to help you forget you voted for Trump 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2231 Keeping hydrated is of the utmost importance of course but I miss the mouth feel. 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2232 The Doctor prescribed 24/7 Happy Hour for my depression. 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2233 just a quick re-boot after the download and I'm good to go! 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2234 How long? Just until I get my strength back. 1.1622 0.06143 37 31 6 0
2235 What? This way I don't hear the TV -- it's stuck on the Fox News Channel ! 1.1600 0.06615 50 44 4 2
2236 Do birds fly? Do fish swim? Do birds fly? Do fish swim? Do birds... 1.1579 0.05995 38 32 6 0
2237 Fresh-squeezed is better. 1.1579 0.05995 38 32 6 0
2238 You really think it's because my name is Jack Daniels? 1.1579 0.05995 38 32 6 0
2239 It's safe hazing, Mom. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2240 Well just think about it... holding them up really wasn't an option 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2241 Hey, I didn't think the doctors would take me seriously. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2242 What makes you think he was in a fraternity in med school? 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2243 The doctor only said I couldn't drink beer anymore. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2244 Listen Janet, this Truth Serum project isn't going to go anywhere if I'm not willing to look like a fool. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2245 That Packers loss almost killed me, but I'm recovering quickly. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2246 ..In "one ear out the other" treatment...why? 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2247 Yeah, what a coincidence, Dr. Anderson is a Pirates fan too. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2248 It's the latest in health care for the masses. Blood-light with Intravenous Chips. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2249 I assure you honey, it's not what it looks like, it's a special pain killer. And believe it or not, it's available over the counter in convenient packs of 6, 12, or 24 doses ! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2250 Well, the Doc asked that I be more participatory in my own recovery 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2251 I convinced them to continue supporting it as a pre-existing condition. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2252 The doctor said I have water on the liver. I knew if I ever drank that stuff it would kill me. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2253 Time for a refill, hon? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2254 Once an I.V. League man, always an I.V. League man. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2255 The doc said I need to kick back and relax a bit, have a couple of beers... 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2256 Mamma Mia. I'm getting a transfusion of blood type ABBA. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2257 I think it's working... 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2258 I never should have joined that fraternity. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2259 I'm told these are the only two side effects... 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2260 Sorry. Doctor's orders. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2261 Hey, Doc said no drinking.. Im not drinking it! 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2262 It was either this thing or a shot in the butt. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2263 Look Mom, if I don't get this transfusion I may never keg-stand again! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2264 Can you please get me a hookah pipe? It would be so much fun! 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2265 The docs know I'm a craft beer fan 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2266 Honey, these new treatment options are just dynamite! 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2267 I think they hope to create a natural setting for the treatment protocols, but what I hate most is having to go in a red Solo cup. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2268 Finally, they found beer with a great head! 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2269 Martha ... I would rather listen to voices... 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2270 I don't know what it does but it won the 2017 Rube Goldberg Medical Device Award of the year. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2271 You're seeing just half of the system. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2272 Doctor told me to keep my fluids up. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2273 I don't like wearing beer goggles. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2274 My doctor thinks I have a serious beer addiction! You think? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2275 It's called IPA therapy, but if you're on it too long, you become a hophead. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2276 I'm testing the latest Apple development. It's called the iV. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2277 The Chicken Soup Remedy 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2278 It this works, send the recipe to the Hemlock Society. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2279 The Dr is one of my frat brothers 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2280 I'm feeling MUCH better today! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2281 It's rehab. They gradually lower the alcohol level until I'm not addicted anymore. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2282 It was a typical drunk college accident. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2283 The nurse makes me feel comfortable. Every night she yells 'drink em' up! I don't care where you go but you can't stay here.' 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2284 Sorry Honey, I know it's the big game. But I had to promise your ticket to my doctor." 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2285 They said they could have released? me today, if you had brought the convertible. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2286 And if this doesn't work, I'll put you on the rack next. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2287 It's the new Trumpcare. It won't cure me but all things considered I actually feel pretty good. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2288 'I was promised the ballpark experience." 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2289 They wanted me to bring my own equipment. 1.1556 0.07756 45 41 1 3
2290 I think it's called ambidextrose. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2291 It's supposed to make me forget politics. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2292 Don't worry Honey. It's lite beer. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2293 Did you bring my Packers hat?...the game's on in 5 minutes 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2294 It's gin and tonic! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2295 Why is it going into my arms? I can't even taste it! 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2296 I'm ready for a little less carbonation. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2297 Luckily it's not a pre-existing condition. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2298 Five-star hospital, baby. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2299 I know Honey, but Health Care is a little different here in Stugis. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2300 I'm okay, but I have this craving for pretzels. Would you mind bringing me a six-pack on your next visit? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2301 It's an experiment. In the left tube its blood and the right side it's plain water. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2302 The batteries aren't helping my arms at all. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2303 I really don't think this will help get you discharged. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2304 AHCA. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2305 At the time, of course, I had no idea my gusto count was dangerously low. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2306 The prescription was written on a brown paper bag. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2307 They said our insurance has certain limitations. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2308 Beers after shots. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2309 They're connected directly to the part of the male brain that craves hamburgers. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2310 And... you say Dr. Dorfman's nickname in college was 'Flounder'? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2311 Just can it, Bob 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2312 Micro brewing your thoughts again? 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2313 I requested non-invasive gastric bypass. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2314 Dr. Bukowski has some rather unorthodox treatments. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2315 Some day you will push me too far. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2316 Trust me. I know what I'm doing. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2317 The doctors say I may never hold a beer can again 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2318 It's a Starbucks' Venti Doubleshot I.V. on ice. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2319 Honey relax, it's only soda. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2320 I suspect it's a placebo. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2321 My blood type is Anheuser-Busch. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2322 Just between us, I think my neurosurgeon is taking the piss. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2323 Remember a couple weeks ago when I was walking upright with this mattress wrapped behind me.... 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2324 The food sucks and the only thing on TV is Trump and hemorrhoid cream commercials! I needed something stronger than a $200 aspirin! 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2325 They're beets by Dr.Dre. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2326 Headcold 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2327 Well, under Obamacare, I would even have the "choose your own treatment" option! 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2328 Painkillers aren't in the health plan but the guzzler cap comes free. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2329 This Bipartisan stuff is killing me 1.1556 0.07756 45 41 1 3
2330 The good news: it's beer. The bad news: it's a pre-existing condition. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2331 Honey, the doctors said it was all in your head. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2332 I'm both left and right handed. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2333 All these years I've been living in a moth's body -thank you for supporting me while I transition. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2334 I found it in my box of college stuff in the attic. I was on the all-IV league drinking team. Get it? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2335 Yes honey, I realize I'm having beer administered intravenously via cans strapped to my head but, hey, the doctor knows best... 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2336 Can-cer, obviously 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2337 I know there aren’t any real doctors here but look how much we’re saving on our new health care plan. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2338 I love Kopi luwak, but can't stand the taste. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2339 Arms up, arms down. It's an artesian heart pump. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2340 It's OK, they're prescribed by my bro-meister, Dr. Brewski. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2341 It's fine, working on my self control. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2342 The Doctor says it's all going really well. The foam hand gets grafted on tomorrow. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2343 They took away my morphine drip. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2344 The doctor wants me to have a six-pack! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2345 Insurance doesn't cover the little pole thingy. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2346 Shhhhh ... I'm getting a signal 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2347 I promised I'd never DRINK again. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2348 The bonus is they're in plan. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2349 I guess I don't have to say, "hold my beer" anymore. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2350 After you spoke with the doctors, they started to monitor my embarrassment level 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2351 Intravenous Marriage Therapy 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2352 I wonder if she knows I can't hear a word she says ... 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2353 An unusually good shipment of medical marijuana arrived. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2354 Herb, he recommended intervention not intravenous! 1.1556 0.07756 45 41 1 3
2355 I'm getting "decaffeinated" 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2356 Why? Well, the doctor told me to stop 'drinking' so much beer. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2357 It's two-for-one Blood Lites till seven. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2358 Don't worry it's decaf. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2359 'What makes you think using Campbell's soup cans to deliver IV fluids isn't a good crossover branding opportunity?' 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2360 Apparently the clinical trial was successful. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2361 What?....it's holistic! 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2362 0.2 going in, 0.1 coming out. What's for dinner? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2363 The doctors only use this in election years but agreed, in light of the circumstances, to make an exception. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2364 Dr. Belushi. Why do you ask? 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2365 It's the 12-can method!... 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2366 Joe two pack 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2367 Now I can taste the Rockies in both arms. Cool, right? 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2368 You nagging me to stop drinking is what got me into this mess in the first place! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2369 I'm? getting ready for Trumpcare. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2370 Thank goodness they finally past universal health care. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2371 The Warriors were down by ten, what else was I supposed to do? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2372 The doctor just said I couldn't drink beer anymore, honey. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2373 I think Scientology is really helping me. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2374 There's not enough blood in my caffeine stream. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2375 They ran out of kegs. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2376 Stop staring. I am in the middle of a transfusion 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2377 I've heard Heaven is amazing. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2378 My blood pressure was too high. You'll get used to it. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2379 Prior to this job, the nurse worked at the ball park. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2380 The doctor said our plan only covers Pepsi. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2381 My doctor was an old fraternity brother of mine. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2382 The male nurse brews his own craft beer, but with the I.V., frankly its lost on me. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2383 Maybe it's the drugs but I'm starting to feel like Mickey Mouse 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2384 Lay off, Edna, last Subway Series was back in 2000 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2385 I may not have gotten to keep my doctor, and my condition is not improving, but Obamacare does have some nice aspects about it. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2386 Now remember, the third remote is for the DVD. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2387 I listened when you said I had a drinking problem. Now you need to support my solution. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2388 They say I’m not getting enough beer 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2389 You said I needed help with my drinking problem. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2390 My doctor is an old fraternity buddy. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2391 Don't worry, we're covered. Brain-drain isn't considered a pre-existing condition. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2392 This doesn't seem right to me Larry, even if it is light beer. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2393 I am cutting back. Just slowly. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2394 As it happens, I was actually on my way to the game. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2395 My fraternity brothers recommend this hospital. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2396 Honey, the doctors advised I no longer drink beer. 1.1556 0.07075 45 40 3 2
2397 I'm goin' with the flow. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2398 This better be craft beer! 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2399 Honey, don't forget the Wilson's dinner party this Friday, should I mark you down as a Maybe? 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2400 The surgeon and I are Frat brothers. 1.1556 0.07756 45 41 1 3
2401 i'm about to have a splitting headache. 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
2402 I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I drink dos. 1.1556 0.06321 45 39 5 1
2403 It's Alt Med! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2404 I hope this beer doesn't have any preservatives. 1.1522 0.05354 46 39 7 0
2405 No worries. Turns out this is standard practice when you have a split personality. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2406 Wait. Wait. Russia investigation is comong in. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2407 I thought you said my insurance was ??????-rated?. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2408 It was the best decision I've ever made. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2409 It's what the doctor recommended for Coachella. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2410 Who thought I'd ever become an "armaholic" 1.1522 0.07593 46 42 1 3
2411 My elbows are shot 1.1522 0.06928 46 41 3 2
2412 We're switching you over to vodka. President's orders. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2413 I said that I want ear phones and Pandora, not two cans to listen to my pulse. 1.1522 0.05354 46 39 7 0
2414 I'm told this will prevent tweets without forethoughts. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2415 I'm the only one in this wing doing straight plasma. 1.1471 0.06165 34 29 5 0
2416 Call the nurse, I think the tonic one is low. 1.1471 0.06165 34 29 5 0
2417 White cells with fish, red cells with meat. 1.1471 0.06165 34 29 5 0
2418 But I don't want to be ambidextrous. 1.1471 0.06165 34 29 5 0
2419 It's called self-medicating. Look it up. 1.1463 0.05589 41 35 6 0
2420 Not not an accident. But also what a fantastic opportunity to showcase my idea. 1.1463 0.05589 41 35 6 0
2421 For Gods sake Doris just go.... leave the thermos. 1.1463 0.05589 41 35 6 0
2422 They repealed care. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2423 I couldn't afford the Bose 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2424 I spy with my little eye.... 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2425 So, no? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2426 The doctor said take two AAAs and call me in the morning. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2427 What do you get when you cross a head phone engineer with an IV drip engineer? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2428 It's ok, the IPA is micro filtered. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2429 Of course, you miss out on the bouquet this way. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2430 They wanted to cheer me up about missing the tailgate on Saturday. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2431 Ouch, ouch. I'm getting a brain freeze! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2432 Healthcare in this country really does blow your mind. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2433 The insurance insists this is the cheapest pain reliever. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2434 They cut me off after the 7th inning stretch. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2435 The doctors said I was suffering from acute brotein deficiency 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2436 They are weaning me off. I started with a 6 pack! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2437 Hey, beer is a lot cheaper than plasma. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2438 Perhaps a bottle of rosé instead? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2439 The doctors thought the Detox might be more effective in a party atmosphere. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2440 So I sez to the doc, "I-C-U too. Now beer me." 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2441 Peaceful transfer of power. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2442 Janice, you said no ear candling. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2443 Yes my dear; Dr. Pepper makes rounds twice a day. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2444 I didn't know that detox from social media would be so hard. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2445 Jim, this procedure won't be covered by our insurance. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2446 It's the ultimate face-off. One has Codeine and the other has Morphine. The winner? Me! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2447 It's called a fraternity, mom. Not a frat. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2448 I should have told you sooner. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2449 I wanted light beer but they gave me ale. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2450 My Cadillac insurance plan covers a pre-op tailgate party. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2451 The boys are coming over later to watch the game. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2452 The study is behind schedule, so one of these is a placebo. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2453 Honey, I told you that it doesn’t matter if it’s Obamacare or Trumpcare, you need to beware of those high deductible, IV guzzler helmet plans. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2454 Supposedly you can also use orange juice cans and some string to make a telephone. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2455 Don't give me that look mom. I have standards. They're using Bud, not Bud Lite. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2456 I may be wired but I'm not going to blow my top! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2457 It's happy hour. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2458 It's much more convenient than the pole when I need to get out of bed 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2459 Met the Doctor at Spring Break 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2460 One of these can be for you if you want to watch the game with me. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2461 Relax, honey, they're still bigger than Donald's. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2462 ...The last thing I remember is buying this awesome hat. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2463 As seen on TV. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2464 You're the talk of the Hospital! You should have spent the 25 dollars per day and rented an IV pole! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2465 I have a Do Not Resuscitate medical order, not a Do Not Party medical order. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2466 It's a secret, but this is part of the new healthcare plan. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2467 They call it "Pain Relief in a Can". 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2468 I know things got a bit out of hand at the office party, but I'm just trying to avoid a hangover. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2469 Did she really just ask me if it hurts? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2470 Should I be concerned that they're filling beer cans with my blood? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2471 Susan now understood what her friends meant when they said Bob brought the party with him wherever he went. She was done with blind dating. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2472 It's coming back. Doubleheader. Beer vendor. Frantic hands blocking view. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2473 The game is about to start. Cheers to beers on my ears. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2474 They promised to let me out in time for the ball game. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2475 It's all my insurance covers - IVs are an out-of-pocket expense. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2476 Just in case. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2477 It's gin and vermouth. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2478 It's not serious. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2479 You had your Pabst smear. Now it's my turn. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2480 The new healthcare act is giving me a headache, literally. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2481 Well, if you're not impressed with this, I'm not even going to mention the nachos suppository. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2482 I told you Intox would be a great idea. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2483 ICU patient; he was treated for a mental disconnect, unfortunately, now, he really sees you. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2484 It really helps me forget the pain in my feet. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2485 Republicans and Democrats can not agree on my health plan! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2486 You did always say I looked good in hats... 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2487 I get the dog. You keep the house 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2488 You would have to have half a brain to come up with a scheme like this! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2489 If the Yankees lose this one, I'm dead..... 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2490 Dr. Prengler prescribes this holistic therapy appliance for all Yankee fans." 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2491 I asked for two boilermakers rather than morphine!!! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2492 Last I recall Bill Cosby offered me a drink. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2493 What else is new? you've never listened to me. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2494 All ears. 1.1429 0.07268 35 31 3 1
2495 Can I buy you an enema? 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2496 What? Not everyone can afford health care. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2497 This is what you get when you buy your health plan through Budweiser. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2498 Why is it relevant that the surgeon sits on the board of Budweiser? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2499 After watching Comey's testimony, I needed a good shot in the arms 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2500 I've stopped drinking. It's infused beer. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2501 My migraines are worse. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2502 I don't have an energy drink problem. Maybe you do. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2503 The 70's called. They want their beer hat back. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2504 Did my team win? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2505 Guess what? I can hear my blood being drawn in stereo. r 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2506 Their trying to improve my hand/eye coordination. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2507 I hear this comes in dark roast too. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2508 It's a Brooklyn hospital - BYOB. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2509 The souvenir cup IV was just too big to hold. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2510 They're studying whether this is a viable taper from drinking a daily six-pack. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2511 But it's a little too late to do the right thing now. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2512 The cheesehead was raising my cholesterol. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2513 Sorry I can't understand you Doris. These beer cans are imported from Germany. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2514 Well, you keep saying it's in my blood, so now's my chance to listen and find out. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2515 Change your phone instead of this madness of charging mobile battery with your body heat. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2516 'In one ear. Out the other!' Was my fourth grade teacher trying to sell me something? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2517 You know, It feels painful but I look like a starwars Character 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2518 Arnold, blowing off steam is only an expression! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2519 I think you may need an intervention for your beer intravenous. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2520 I was already hooked up for beer. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2521 The wonders of modern medicine. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2522 The doctor said I'm at the bottom of the ninth. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2523 They said, uh, no more riding mower. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2524 Don't get excited...it's only a virtual illness 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2525 My new healthcare only approves a "Dr. Placebo". 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2526 The local lager is not that bad. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2527 Now I can drive with both hands on the wheel! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2528 I'm in for my intravenous beer goggles transplant.... 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2529 Now look where your technology addiction has landed you. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2530 For heavens sake, don't make that chili again. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2531 I call it a Bud transfusion. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2532 ''Kinda reminds me of the old college football games" 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2533 My insurance covers only BYOB providers. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2534 Told them I was here to improve my drinking. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2535 It's the new auto-correct for my verbal gems. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2536 My health care plan doesn't cover IV bags. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2537 You're always like that. Your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2538 the solution to consumption is consumption 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2539 It is called "beer therapy." I told the docs that if they gave it to me, I would give them an excellent customer satisfaction score on their patient survey for their quality review organization. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2540 This really makes a fashion statement, don't you think? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2541 I love double plays. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2542 If it's not too much trouble, can you get two cold beer cans from the fridge? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2543 It must be agonizing for you to see me hooked up to these tubes. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2544 Because I'm so afraid of the dark, they've prescribed me light beer. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2545 Could you switch one of them to orange juice and the other to vodka? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2546 It's all that our insurance will cover. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2547 Obamacare Lite 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2548 The doctor said I could have a couple of beers before they put the IV back in. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2549 It's a marathon, so I could still win. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2550 It's the new treatment for bongabonga fever. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2551 Why, Gin of course! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2552 This brain infusion could save our marriage. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2553 I think this could go viral! So far Kick-Start and GoFundMe are interested! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2554 I've had this problem since college 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2555 Thank heavens for the brewery's health care plan. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2556 Is that your idea of craft beer on tap? 1.1429 0.08044 42 39 0 3
2557 Because they told me to give up drinking. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2558 I forgot my beer hat. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2559 They had to carry me out on the seventh-inning stretcher! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2560 I'm on the " batteries included " health plan. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2561 It's not beer -- it's a beer/saline solution. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2562 Don't worry dear, Daddy's tweet explains everything. SAD! More fake news, no secret communication lines to Russia! Obviously the only cans that work are already attached to Jared's brain. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2563 Trump's Healthcare Plan doesn't cover saline solution or IV poles! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2564 Did you know Coors was self-insured? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2565 Patient satisfaction is at an all time high. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2566 The doctor called it Improvosed Explosive Device syndrome. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2567 Say it ain't soy. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2568 Doc says after the surgery, I won't need these tubes at all. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2569 I told you the internist is an old fraternity brother of mine. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2570 I don't know, I guess I feel a little better. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2571 I know they want to release me. But, honey, this time I really feel like the juices are flowing. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2572 You will look a lot better to me once the treatment is complete. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2573 Medically speaking, I'm ready to rock. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2574 Make it short. When I touch hands I get NPR in both ears, real loud. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2575 No worries, it's light beer. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2576 My nurse is a biker on weekends 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2577 They replaced the beer cans with a morphine drip and it is working wonders 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2578 It's quicker this way 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2579 What's wrong?" "My beer count is to low. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2580 And its HIPAA compliant! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2581 It's my Emotional Support Dog Kit. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2582 I apparently worked for Keith Richards, to some degree. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2583 The test will let me know whether I'm left, right, or "other options." 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2584 So after they checked my insurance, they decided I only qualified for domestic beer brands. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2585 How else am I going to grow my legs back? 1.1429 0.08044 42 39 0 3
2586 Honey...I don't think the nurse hooked up my IVs correctly. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2587 Had I known they were going to serve me beer this way I would've checked in sooner. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2588 You wouldn't believe how much the carbonation tickles. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2589 The chief of staff is in my beer club 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2590 I can't believe we still have Obama-care 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2591 So you think my arms are looking better? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2592 And you thought this was a stupid purchase... 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2593 Trumpcare's greatest ever! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2594 You don't want to see where the put the popcorn. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2595 The ward is sponsored by Anheuser-Busch. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2596 Anheuser Health Care Act 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2597 I told you I wanted MILLER Lite, not Bud! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2598 I'm in the Trumpcare Beta Test. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2599 They've got me coming and going. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2600 I told them to hit me twice, and they took me seriously. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2601 Great father's day gift..thanks 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2602 because the Doctor told me beer can never touch my lips again 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2603 Don't worry, dear. Trumpcare covers it. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2604 It's called drunk care. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2605 My mother always said you were a massive drip... 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2606 YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW THIS IMPROVES YOUR HEARING 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2607 I'm sorry, but we don't treat elephants. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2608 My doctor just wants me to be hoppy. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2609 Please don't tell me this is Bud Light... 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2610 Happy Hour at Mount Sinai Hospital. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2611 How are you flowing? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2612 Bathroom trips are much easier. That's important with all the beer going into me. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2613 Don't worry it's lite beer. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2614 Closed circuit I-V. Not much visual, but interesting sound effects. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2615 An IV beer is usually $1,037.45, but they were two-for-one and they make me look like a butterfly. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2616 I could of had a V8. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2617 The doctors discovered that I'm allergic to medical marijuana. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2618 It's beer, but in the mornings I'd prefer one with coffee. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2619 It's the new surround sound. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2620 They're still running a battery of tests. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2621 My surgeon prescribed 5-Hour Energy but it's a 6-hour operation. 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2622 Why do they always have to 'improve' everything. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2623 I'm participating in a case study. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
2624 Don't worry, it's just lite beer 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2625 Honey could you get the nurse, I think I need another six pack. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2626 I'm staying woke by any means necessary. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2627 They figured this is how I got into trouble, they figure maybe this will get me out of it too. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2628 Duffman covering in the emergency room again? 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2629 Take off those bloody earphones and listen to me! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2630 Your cough sounds better. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2631 Like Paul Ryan said, competition in healthcare works. I shopped around and found a cheap IV to administer to myself. I'm still taking bids on anesthesia. 1.1429 0.08044 42 39 0 3
2632 Scientology's next big breakthrough 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2633 I find you very attractive, but that could just be the blood goggles talking. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2634 Well, dear, I believe they're planning to send me somewhere higher than I'm prepared to go. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2635 Honey, Dr. Frankenstein said you'll be okay! 1.1429 0.06001 35 30 5 0
2636 I told you he was my frat bro in college. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2637 It's really not as bad as it looks, just a little difficult to get comfortable on the pillow. On the bright side, the physio said it's great for my posture! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2638 You sure you don't want anything? It's happy hour 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2639 Well at least I can have a beer! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2640 O.K., it's experimental, but I'm end-stage anyway. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2641 Pretty cool, right? And I'm saving money on my hospital bill by not using an IV pole. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
2642 I was waiting in line for tickets and I passed out. The EMT behind me set up the IV's. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
2643 One million dollars, or I move my arms. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
2644 Read the fine print. It's covered under Obamacare. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
2645 The doctor thinks it helps with the burping. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
2646 You're wrong, Mom. This is your brain on drugs. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
2647 Melvin just couldn't stop drinking beer even after a bar fight and having his jaw wired shut. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
2648 They think it's dumboitis. 1.1379 0.08191 29 26 2 1
2649 It's the only item left that's covered under our prescription plan. Besides now we can talk while I have my beers. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
2650 Jim was really involved with recycling 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2651 All I know is, last night, just before bedtime, I asked for slow drip coffee with breakfast and this morning I woke up like this. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2652 Look mom, no hands 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2653 Want a sip? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2654 Fentanyl IPA. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2655 I've been diagnosed with cuvafefe! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2656 But this was Neil Young's idea. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2657 Dr. Lancaster turned out to be an old frat brother. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2658 'Don't you dare say mama's milk.' 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2659 Is Trump still President? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2660 I'm in this new drug trial because alcoholism is listed as an existing condition. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2661 Yep. Blood pressure rises and POOF,final exit. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2662 The nurse is a Steelers fan like me - thought you'd laugh. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2663 It's the two-for-one happy hour. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2664 Medicine conquers the beer-brain-blood barrier! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2665 I asked for a 'double shot' and this is what they gave me 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2666 I'm a vampire. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2667 Canned music. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2668 I've got bad news. The doctors say insurance will only pay for decaf. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2669 They put IPA in the ACA. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
2670 I feel the power. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2671 They say the effects last longer than electroshock. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2672 They lost the funding for the experiment, so everyone quit. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2673 It's a very safe way to enjoy spring break. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2674 Why bother the nurses when I need another beer? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2675 It measures blood pressure, brain waves, and hearing loss at the same time. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2676 Are you rethinking our wedding plans? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2677 It's like being at the game! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2678 Bud Light chemo...it seemed worth a try. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
2679 I like to listen to my life ebbing away. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2680 My beer hat put me in the hospital. My beer hat will get me out of the hospital. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2681 My right brain says, 'Tastes great.' My left brain says, 'Less filling.' Who am I to decide? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2682 I signed up for this bipolar trial 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2683 I really do feel like I'm in good hands. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2684 It's the ultimate feedback device ! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2685 Feels sorta like that guy in "Catch 22 " , Yossarian Something ? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2686 This is all our insurance will pay for. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2687 Our insurance doesn't cover I.V. poles. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2688 So this is what they mean by stereotactic radio surgery. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2689 I'm starting to disbelieve that apple a day bit 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
2690 And the best part is, I can hear the ocean and it sounds like Budweiser. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2691 Which is it: Less filling or tastes great? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2692 They're trying the Power of Positive Thinking protocol. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2693 On the bright side, it comes with NFL all-game broadcast! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2694 It eliminates that bloated feeling from beer. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2695 When the data input is complete, I won't need my thumbs. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2696 What - no Bosco?! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2697 The doctor told me it's Miller Time. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2698 It's an alcohol withdrawal experiment designed by a bartender 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2699 Fine. You were right. The Virtual Reality headset is dangerous. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2700 But they ARE cans of beer. And I'm not sick. I just had this done for convenience. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2701 Our insurance coverage only covers the chicken soup treatment. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2702 My new plan doesn't cover internal stents. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
2703 Darling, don't get angry. I am cutting out the middle man, my stomach. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
2704 Honey, I was very serious when I said to you in November that I'd blow my brains out if he won. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
2705 The nurses jury-rigged this in light of my temporary inability to do keg stands. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2706 Nothing is plugged in or attached so I guess it's nothing serious 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2707 Forget exercise, this gets the blood flowing. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2708 I put the "I" into "I.V." 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2709 They're treating me very well. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2710 Sadly, it was either flat beer, or flatline. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2711 It's the only way to get the Insurance Company to also pay for WIFI 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2712 Drug pricing is out of control. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2713 Stay thirsty my friend. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2714 Doctor said since they couldn't get that contraption off your head, they might as well use it. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2715 Things are updated in ICU. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2716 Beer and electroshock therapy, I'm feeling a lot better! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2717 Really dear, this is not a convincing argument for beer therapy. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2718 They said I'm ready to go home now. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2719 I should have upgraded to Bluetooth enabled arms. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2720 I know it sounds scary, but Stanley Cup fever is actually very treatable. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2721 Delores, I was in it to win it. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2722 Honey, I'm ready to watch the Cubs rerun of winning the World Series before I die. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2723 You're right! I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Now may I have my insulin? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2724 Alice, I know the family's totally fed with me, but I do feel more lucid. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2725 I agree. A Red Bull IV probably isn't going to be a long-term solution, but that's what the Zinc Level plan covered. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2726 Don't give up. She hears you on some level. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2727 The doctor warned me against going cold turkey. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2728 I've stopped self-medicating. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2729 It's a combination satellite radio and intravenous therapy. It's called Lite Rock for Drips. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2730 Out one ear and in the other 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2731 The theory is, if I have bad thoughts about Trump, my hands will grow to normal size. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2732 Doc diagnoses it as a 'right brain vs. left brain' problem. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2733 I'm sorry dear, that this set-up lets everyone know my deepest thoughts, but that IS an ugly hairdo. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2734 This is what they do when your bed is a timeshare. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2735 So now you know my inner self. Is there still a chance for us? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2736 I finally reached my deductible. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2737 Now if we can just switch these things to dark roast. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2738 I could use a change of bed pan. 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2739 This gives a whole new meaning to the expression "beer me". 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2740 And if you tell them 11 they drop a shot in on each side. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2741 Why do we have to pay for a hospital room so you can use your earwax recycler? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2742 I was told this would be the best way to cure my hangover 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2743 Nothing shocks me anymore, dear. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2744 Self serving as always. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2745 I swear this is legit .... they call it the "tailgate" treatment. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2746 Doctor gave me three keggers to live. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2747 Did you say your doctor was wearing the same thing? 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2748 It's called a 'brewski delivery system for the prehensilly dwarfed'. I know it seems awkward, but why should we small-handed guys be deprived a cold beer at the end of the day? 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2749 Don't worry dear, it's decaf. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2750 The doctor said I need to drink less... 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2751 They've upgraded my mono. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2752 I'm afraid they're saying it's more advanced than just mono. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2753 The last thing I remember is Freddy saying 'Let's head into the game.' 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2754 See mom, the frat has a killer health care program! 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2755 I like it here. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2756 As you can see, they had to perform an emergency double beer-pass. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2757 It's a traditional folk remedy from the Jets people. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2758 Just in case the left doesn't know what the right is doing. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2759 It's cold brew 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2760 I love to hear my pulse 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2761 Don't look at me like that you cunt. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2762 Extra-marital biofeedback 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2763 And my catheter empties into a keg. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2764 I've perfected our coffee drip. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2765 It's a precaution in case I go jogging in my sleep. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2766 It's still quite experimental--the Schlitz-Bud transfusion. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2767 I felt that this IV was right up my alley. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2768 I wasn't ready for some football. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2769 They're non-alcoholic. I'm going cold turkey. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2770 Sure it's big on flavor, but it's less filling! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2771 This has to be the fastest way to get my wiiings. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2772 You're beautiful. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2773 Call the nurse. My beer drip needs replacing. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2774 Say that again and my head will explode. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2775 You said you wanted to feel useful, and Nurse Rached came up with this! I always suspected she wasn't typical. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2776 At WhyPayMore General customer savings is our Number #1 priority. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2777 So what kind of cockamaimy illness did you and your doctor friend come up with this time? All I asked was a little help vacuuming the house. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2778 Apparently Less Filling is a pre-existing condition. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2779 Bill Nye would be proud. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2780 The reception is great! How did they know I was into Saline Dion? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2781 Four more and I'm in the frat, mom 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2782 Relax, they stopped doing transfusions years ago. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2783 I told you I had a hops deficiency. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2784 What's happening right now is just about to blow my mind. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2785 They just told me to think positive thoughts. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2786 Tube E or not Tube E? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2787 The drinking helmet got me in here so why fight it? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2788 I modified the IV. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2789 My doctor is a millenial 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2790 I kept pestering them for a Coke. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2791 It's the only way to keep the booze from going straight to my head! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2792 Could you ask the doctor for some peanuts or pretzels or something ..... geeeeeesh 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2793 "Does the treatment spark any reduction in the insensativity you carry between your ears?' 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2794 I just hate this hospital overhead lighting. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2795 They say a cold one can cure anything... 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2796 It's called a reductive bi-lateral beer drip. I'm down to near beer now. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2797 The doctor says I have to decide which one to keep. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2798 Are we sure they read the prescription right? 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2799 Did you know Coors owns this hospital? 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2800 Another new craft beer?? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2801 Beer? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2802 I just can't get rid of this roaring in my ears. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2803 Also, I'm naming Yoda my health care proxy. 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2804 This football season I`m bypassing the middleman. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2805 Mainlining Red Bull. The perfect antidote following five middle school grad parties. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2806 My Budweiser cap was much more effective. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2807 The co-pay on Propofol was way too high... 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2808 The doctor said that I have party fever. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2809 I love this place and there is no hangover! 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2810 If this doesn't work, the doctors want to try a keg on my head. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2811 I feel that there's a tinfoil hat in our future. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2812 My doctor is definately into recycling. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2813 Insurance will only cover a beer infusion. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2814 The rental TV gets ESPN. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2815 Do you seriously believe I set up the IV? 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2816 Is this what they mean laying off the sauce 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2817 It's my better angel. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2818 I'm pre-gaming the splenectomy. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2819 Don't worry, it's morphine lite. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2820 Cracks me up, girlfriend gets all. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2821 The doctor says I'm IPA-positive and about two pints low. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2822 Amazing! I'll know it the minute I'm dead. 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2823 The doctor says I've only got two kegs left... 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2824 Damn Obamacare! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2825 Dr. Smith said the new funding should be approved by the end of the week. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2826 The guys thought that I could use a few brews. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2827 I shouldn't have complained about the food . 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2828 I'm getting a Millennials blood transfusion. Let's eat avocado toast and not shop at Sears! 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2829 Thanks for bringing the Mountain Dew and big rubber bands, dear. Turns out AHCA doesn't even cover IV fluids or the stand! 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2830 Dr. Frankenstein says that when the treatments are all done, I'll be a new man. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2831 They misunderstood. I told them I had beriberi. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2832 Gettin' out the same way I got in! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2833 Considering the choice, I'd rather listen to me! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2834 No dear, I said AirPods! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2835 It's the only way they'd let me have a latte in here. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2836 I feel as though my head will explode. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2837 Restless arm syndrome. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2838 Turns out my doctor was president of my college fraternity! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2839 Beer, Beer for Old Notre Dame... The Irish will rise again!, Doris. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2840 The doc and I made a bilateral agreement about my transfusion. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2841 I think it would work better if the bags were hose-down rather than hose-up. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2842 It's Cocktail Hour 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2843 Whaddya mean, my speech is garbled? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2844 "You mean I could a had a V-8"? 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2845 It's in the AHCA - you get your drugs, but you have to administer them yourself. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2846 I must live now as a monster and abomination. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2847 I've never, ever tasted beer. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2848 It seems so natural in a hospital named Cedars of Heineken. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2849 I have to stay off my lips. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2850 What?! It's called a Can-Do procedure. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2851 To sick to drink. That's really sick. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2852 I'mSorry, he only had time to blow one up before he left for Washington 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2853 Linda, you look ten years younger! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2854 This is all the new Republican health care plan offers for pre-existing conditions. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2855 It's a cure for ambiguity. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2856 Ok, so my eyes are bugging out but when the juices start flowing watch... My hair will stand on end! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2857 This NFL themed hospital is the best! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2858 Doc's an old frat brother of mine. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2859 When they saw my headgear, they mistook me for an escapee. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2860 I'm type XXX 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2861 One side is a drug cocktail; the other is a cocktail cocktail. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2862 You call them energy drinks; my HMO calls them life support. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2863 My new bargain insurance plan was very specific on the equipment budget. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2864 I asked if I could have some beer. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2865 You know I'm missing my knitting circle tonight 1.1250 0.07327 40 37 1 2
2866 It's the latest thing, a Recyclable Intravenous Placebo (RIP). You can take me home now. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2867 Yeah, i really do prefer the light beer. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2868 Oh yes dear, beer IS an antibiotic. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2869 You know honey, I think this is really going to improve your mind-body connection. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2870 The doctor says I'm a just a couple pints low. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2871 Our bill just doubled. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2872 They put me on Red Bull. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2873 I don't think I'm in the right place . 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2874 Dr. Brewski in da house! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2875 Experimental beer hat treatment to help you forget about politics. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2876 I think it's covered. Check the policy again. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2877 Would not a carotid bypass have sufficed ? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2878 They said I needed an IPA-V. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2879 The Pepsi 2017 Challenge. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2880 Yes, the doc is from Green Bay! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2881 Great hospital, happy hour from 5 to 7. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2882 I'm glad we donated to the Spencer's Gift Wing. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2883 I don't need holopathic telepathy to scratch my head. I can just lift my hand. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2884 Let's just hope it's not game over. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2885 Daytona virus. 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2886 I AM princess Leia! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2887 I won the Comey testimony drinking game. Now will someone please turn off Fox News?! 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2888 I'm just gonna listen to my tapes! 1.1250 0.06393 40 36 3 1
2889 It's the new big thing they're using for Monday morning quarterbacks. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2890 Other than the headband being a little tight, it keeps me pretty drunk. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2891 They said, to help me focus, we should try this instead of the Viagra. 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2892 Did I catch the foul ball? 1.1250 0.05296 40 35 5 0
2893 I bribed the nurse to let me have two beers. 1.1220 0.06242 41 37 3 1
2894 It isn't, as would probably seem, a morbidly snide denunciation of the commodification of life. 1.1220 0.06242 41 37 3 1
2895 I'm not a double *fisted* drinker any more. 1.1220 0.05174 41 36 5 0
2896 It's simply mind over matter. 1.1220 0.06242 41 37 3 1
2897 Now I'll finally have time for you and the kids. 1.1220 0.07153 41 38 1 2
2898 The doctor says I should feel a heck of a lot better after this 2 unit Bud transfusion. 1.1220 0.06242 41 37 3 1
2899 Introducing the hospital bed with mind controls. 1.1220 0.05174 41 36 5 0
2900 Can you ever forgive me for suggesting you studying debating online? 1.1220 0.06242 41 37 3 1
2901 Going to be hard to beat "Drawing by P.C. Vey" 1.1212 0.05770 33 29 4 0
2902 Antibiotics on the left, Bud Lite on the right 1.1212 0.05770 33 29 4 0
2903 A retrospective on childhood: Telephone-40 Years Later 1.1190 0.06099 42 38 3 1
2904 It makes the cough syrup go down smoother. 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
2905 We have been married for 30 years; our relationship demands permanent beer goggles. 1.1190 0.06986 42 39 1 2
2906 I can make the second-half, just get the doctor to top me off. 1.1190 0.06099 42 38 3 1
2907 One side is regular, the other side is de-caf. 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
2908 They say it will cure my "Desperado" ear worm. 1.1190 0.06099 42 38 3 1
2909 The last thing I remember is ordering a lager and a stout. 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
2910 The results are in but I haven’t heard a thing. 1.1190 0.05058 42 37 5 0
2911 At least we're not at a football game, so this tops our other anniversaries. 1.1176 0.05609 34 30 4 0
2912 They said it would make me feel more at home. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
2913 I've changed my mind. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
2914 My doctor owns a football franchise. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
2915 Man: Technically, you said I had to stop "drinking." Woman: You just don't grasp the gravity of the situation. 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
2916 I'll keep my head straight, I have to! 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
2917 A beer is only three dollars and the hospital is charging me three thousand dollars. 1.1143 0.05456 35 31 4 0
2918 It's my "InVention." 1.1143 0.05456 35 31 4 0
2919 Hey look, this wasn't my idea! 1.1143 0.06825 35 32 2 1
2920 When you look at me that way it really makes my beer flow. 1.1136 0.05831 44 40 3 1
2921 How rude, Katherine! Don't you see I'm experiencing a most satisfying & swift Spopify infusion? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2922 Our HMO only covers a single serving. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2923 It's an IPA IV to bring up my IBUs. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2924 Doc said I needed to stop drinking. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2925 My nurse is a tailgater. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2926 I don't know why people complain about Trumpcare. This new treatment really helps with my low blood pressure. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2927 Enough with the "Two-Can Sam" jokes already. OK, Betsy?" 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2928 I just thought you'd be rooting with me. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2929 I was all for this HMO plan, but am I under yet? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2930 Have you decided which one you like best? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2931 Reginald gives the IntraVenous 5000 (Vena Cava da vida) a trial run. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2932 Don't give me that "I got tubes plugged into my head" look. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2933 My doctor is from Transylvania! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2934 It's Playoff Fever, honey. Don't root for me, root for the team. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2935 This is what getting tired of winning look like. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2936 The right hand sends messages to the left. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2937 I have an intern fresh out of medical school. He recommended this as a new type of anesthesia. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2938 I know honey, I beer you loud and clear. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2939 Good news. Under our plan, we don't have to buy it; we just rent it. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2940 It's for my cholesterol. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2941 My blood alcohol content was greater than .08% 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2942 For here the lover and killer are mingled. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2943 They thought I had mono. Turns out it's stereo. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2944 This is actually the happy hour and so I chose cold beer for my IV'S. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2945 RELAX, its bud light, not Budweiser 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2946 I prefer sanity, but at least my right and left brains can now work together. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2947 Well, it works well except for the burps. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2948 You know I don't like to mix my drinks. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2949 The surgeon used to be team doctor for the Bears. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2950 Drinking my morning Joe just wasn't cutting it. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2951 Pretty clever, huh? Only problem is if I lie down IV stops flowing and I die. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2952 The doctors at St. "Bro" are definitely dudes. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2953 Honey, is it still beer-thirty? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2954 For the love of God Frank, I don't think that is what the doctor meant when she said, "Find a way to get more fluids." 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2955 Brain Drain 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2956 Honey, he wasn't even mad. The doctor called my idea 'half-baked' - I knew he'd get it. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2957 Modern medicine blows my mind. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2958 This extreme vetting just to be Trump's backup hair-dresser? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2959 Give me an I. Give me a V. What's that spell....? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2960 The homeopath suggested hair of the dog. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2961 the doctor said it was Can Sir. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2962 The diagnosis? Water on the brain and low bodily fluids. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2963 If you really loved me, you'd do The Wave, too. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2964 Gin and Vermouth 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2965 A prerecorded message to remind me to listen to you seems a little extreme. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2966 I can already feel it worrrk-EEENG. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2967 Claire, you asked me to stop drinking beer and I stopped "Drinking" beer!... what more do you want? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2968 They say it's the latest miracle against headaches. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2969 No, not bio-feedback, beer-o-feedback! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2970 If I raise my arms, it makes Dr. Pepper. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2971 I keep telling you, the sky box is worth every penny. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2972 Take a pic, this will go more viral than I am. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2973 "The one one the right is for Shinola. Or was it the left? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2974 Aside from Nursing school, she managed to join a sorority. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2975 The DOC told me this will solve my pain issues 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2976 'I'm starting to feel not so worried about that tag on the ottoman that says "do not remove."' 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2977 The doctor and I are going to the game on Saturday 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2978 I went with Bud Care. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2979 We should talk about A la recherche du temps perdu. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2980 It's Cola... known to be an effective rust remover 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2981 You need to cut down on the caffeine! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2982 So, we were smart to go with Trumpcare over Obamacare? Seriously? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2983 All I need is my big screen tv and I'm all set. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2984 I just didn't realize that ear transplants would be this involved. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2985 Does this handbag make me look fat? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2986 Did you just say Trump, Trump, Trump? Or was that thump, thump, thump? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2987 Colas are the only way to energize me. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2988 Who new ear wax was a panacea? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2989 Hey, I asked for lite beer but they didn't have any. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2990 The doctor says my blood isn't Rocky Mountain cold enough. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2991 Is this delivering the beer directly to my veins? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2992 What? Doc said it'll cure what ales me. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2993 It might be time to rethink your strategy that "Guinness gives you strength" 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2994 Wanna party? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2995 I told the doctors I drink six cups of coffee a day, so they opted for an IV. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2996 They call it the I.V. league, three of these per day and then Harvard, Yale, you name it I'm in. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
2997 It's stage 4 ambidexterity. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2998 I can measure my pulse quite well, but not my marriage. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
2999 It still doesn't make me feel like I'm at the ballgame. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3000 They say the medicine is more effective in stereophonic format., but the side effects are scary. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3001 This is to prevent "brain drain"! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3002 It's becoming clearer to me. I should put the toilet seat down every time. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3003 Nice buzz. Better than coffee. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3004 We're still waiting on insurance approval for the 'Kegger' treatment. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3005 They say it's stem cells. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3006 I'll admit it's strange, but their last method was a real pain in the ass. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3007 It's good to the last drop. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3008 For the last time, there is no need to worry. Dr. Pepper says this is completely normal. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3009 This was Larrys last "straw". 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3010 It's a Double Vente Venous Caramel Macchiotto Traveler. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3011 This procedure reverses the way the brain works. Now when my hands tell my brain what they want to do, my brain will just let them do it. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3012 I over-dopamined. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3013 Don't be alarmed honey, this is just their new method of "menu selection" via my brain waves. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3014 . . . and the Doctor said if these don't stop me from snoring, at least I don't have to get up five times a night to go to the bathroom. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3015 Gladys was not impressed by Harolds rave reviews of the Trumpcare Fan Pan. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3016 It's a staph and strep infection. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3017 But I'm not going to take the time to acquire the taste. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3018 Some of these tests will make your head explode. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3019 EKG at noon. Then it's Quarters with the ENT patients. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3020 Yea, apparently I'm type 'blood light'. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3021 I could have sworn the escalator was moving. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3022 It's the new Princess Leia therapy ... my only hope, Obiwan 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3023 Doc told me I have acute alcohol deficiency syndrome 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3024 This is great but I miss the taste. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3025 I have my own plan for pain control 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3026 The rules about proper hydration here are ridiculous. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3027 Did you hear that Coca-cola has finally hired a staff fizzician? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3028 Sorry honey, our insurance doesn't cover morphine. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3029 I'm not sure...tomato or chicken noodle? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3030 Don't? worry, it's sugar free. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3031 BuzzFeed insurance finally kicked in. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3032 The worse part is every time I pee I get a brain freeze. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3033 Until my throat disease clears up, this is the only way to get my morning coffee 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3034 Who are you rooting for, me or the cancer? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3035 I told you Scientology would prevail. Hail L. Ron Hubbard! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3036 If I bong the IV bags, I'll be captain of my rush class. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3037 What do you mean my insurance won't cover it? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3038 I'm trying to decide if it's less filling or tastes good. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3039 But canned responses are in my blood. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3040 They say the fight between my right and left brain left no permanent damage. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3041 I appreciate your concern, but the game is about to start, and I need to catch up." 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3042 Beer cans! What beer cans? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3043 My malt is almost back to normal, but i still need to be a lot hoppier. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3044 It's only awkward when I try to sleep. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3045 It's a good thing I can wiggle my ears. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3046 It's a gig economy, babe. Intern's orders. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3047 I'm not convinced but my physician, Dr Dre, insisted. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3048 So what if Dr. Martin was my frat brother in college? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3049 Please...just speak into my arm. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3050 The one on the right is to grow larger, and the one on the left is to grow smaller. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3051 Some people like Stouts or Pale Ales. I prefer a good Miller IV. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3052 Don't look at me like that, Helen! You know how silly I feel when they mistake me for the IV pole!! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3053 They tell me it's not working. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3054 Why are you surprised? This is the university clinic. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3055 What? Never heard of Hops Infusion Iherapy? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3056 And it really stabilizes my mood. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3057 THEY SAID IT'S A PRE-EXITING CONDITION. WELCOME TO TRUMPCARE. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3058 They're calling it Obamacare Lite. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3059 Testing whether cartoons boost circulation 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3060 It's " Beerotherapy" 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3061 It's a new type of double-blind study. You get the placebo and the test drug at the same time, but nobody knows which is which. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3062 The doctor said this treatment would blow my mind. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3063 It's a device i'm testing that lets you enjoy a double I.P.A. without the bitterness. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3064 My new plan doesn’t even include craft beer. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3065 This îs covered nu my insurance, but the seurgery îs a "Do It Youself " thing 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3066 Now that I'm wired, they won't wake me up every hour to check my vitals. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3067 Trump Care 2.0 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3068 They want to know what kind of soup you want on Tuesday. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3069 What? It's Super Bowl Sunday. Let's go Pats! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3070 They asked me to participate in new Nielsen ratings research for viewers with ADHD. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3071 I think my low beer alarm went off! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3072 Just listenin' to my ulnas. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3073 They have a great team here! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3074 And to think that you were against this high deductible health plan. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3075 I'm thinking of canceling my satellite radio subscription. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3076 Call the nurse if smoke starts billowing from my head. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3077 Fingers crossed, another six-pack should do the trick. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3078 Now, we can go clubbing tonight. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3079 Not blood doping; just doping. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3080 Football... and IV therapy...they go together! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3081 Doctor says I can stop drinking when you stop being so "judgy". 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3082 It's actually quite refreshing. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3083 The doctors are just hazing the new patient 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3084 Is it beer o'clock yet? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3085 I should have gotten the silver PPO. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3086 One is vodka, the other is gin. You don't want to know where they put the olive. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3087 At least the medications are covered. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3088 It's called "lager-head syndrome". 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3089 Vox wrote an explainer about this. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3090 They admitted me for cell phone addiction. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3091 Garland explains the snack cart guys theory on beer rehab 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3092 My homeopathic neurologist prescribed cold cans of soda to the temples for heat stroke. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3093 I prefer to ingest my beer orally, dear. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3094 Honestly? You look like your brain could explode. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3095 All the doctor said was I had to stop drinking... 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3096 One's for my hip, the other is for my nerves - I've not been that scared since I was on that Dick Cheney hunting trip that turned into the Hunger Games... 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3097 Those fake angel wings will not get you into Heaven... 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3098 Could you have the nurse check my ABV again? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3099 They say it's cheaper than a keg stand but just as effective. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3100 Don't think for one second that your to-do list is on medical leave too! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3101 An I.V. drip stand is $300 a day. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3102 Ma, you can't quit a fraternity cold turkey! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3103 You look as ravishing as you did back when these were goggles. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3104 Who knew that tailgate parties were the great incubator for medical breakthroughs. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3105 ICU, IPA, What's the big difference? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3106 I'll definitely get well for Princeton Reunions. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3107 I'm hardwiring the placebo effect. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3108 Come on honey, lighten up. Wanna guess which brand my catheter empties into? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3109 "I coulda caught that ball!" (left-fielder) 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3110 Have faith, Honey. Even though Heady Topper wasn't covered, this Budweiser will make me right as rain. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3111 It's IVF for 'Intravenous Frappuccino' 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3112 Look, Mona, the timing may not be ideal but my therapist says non-familial transference is exactly what our relationship was crying for. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
3113 I couldn't remember if you liked lite beer or the real thing..... 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
3114 Bitter medicine. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3115 'It's the latest treatment for Migraines. This transfers my auras to iClouud." 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3116 Oh yes dear, malt liquor therapy has provided the crisp, refreshing, escape from banal reality my nerves have craved all these years. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3117 It's not as full-bodied as I'm used to, Verna... but the Doc says it's less filling. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3118 I asked for something to relax me, but the pharmacy was closed 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3119 I know what you're thinking. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3120 I know it's uncomfortable, but it will make you a better listener. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3121 Yeah, and my catheter is hook up to a keg. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3122 My boss canned me. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3123 I am sorry, I couldn't decide between Budwiser or Coors 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3124 It was either this or an IV keg stand. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3125 I told them I wanted Budweiser! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3126 Never mind the doctor bills,look at the money we're saving on rechergeable batteries! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3127 The doc made me promise to quit drinking. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3128 Better to hear you, my dear. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3129 IV stands for intravenous vodka! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3130 Mom, I asked you to choose a hospital that serves in bottles and draft. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3131 It's only until the Mets pull above .500 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3132 YES, THE LEMONADE IS IN MY PURSE FOR YOUR SHANDY! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3133 It was recommended by Dr. B. Weiser. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3134 Treatment of choice---mainlining Pabst ! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3135 Stop saying you're here to celebrate my life! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3136 This way I don't have to go to the can. The can comes to me! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3137 Henry, you're not listening. Nonsense, I'm all ears. 1.1081 0.07537 37 35 0 2
3138 Doctor prescribed an intravenous balanced diet. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3139 I kind of like these Buds better than beets. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3140 Word is that detox from my device addiction should be complete in another week. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3141 It's a new treatment for my mind-body problem. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3142 Frank at the Betty Ford Clinic bringing him down 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3143 The ambience here leaves a lot to be desired. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3144 The doctor said I'm suffering from long term sports fanaticosis. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3145 Honey, c'mon, you know Dr. Budweiser has a few tricks up her sleeves. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3146 I told the Dr. that I just wanted something that would go to my head quickly. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3147 Beer in mind, I won't be able to hear your opinion on this matter. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3148 Did we win? 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3149 I'm fine and it was less expensive than a Epipen. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3150 This treatment isn't covered under Trumpcare. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3151 These portable IVs are a wonderful advancement and they come in several delicious flavors. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3152 One's gin, the other, tonic. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3153 Lobotomy prevention therapy is more serious than it looks, my dear. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3154 Thanks to Trump's new healthcare reform bill, hospitals and patients are working together to find more affordable alternatives to conventional healthcare methods. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3155 I'm the king of intravenus. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3156 I'm having a problem with my taste buds 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3157 Did we win? 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3158 It's the only upside to having no insurance. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3159 Goodbye, honey. I've earned my wings. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3160 Mitch is the Best Man; we'll get married once I figure out where he's going with this. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3161 Mom, you look mad, but our contract clearly stated, "No questions asked." 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3162 I'm not sure this is covered by Medicare. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3163 Cuttin' edge the doc said: tinnitus transfission. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3164 It's just so hard to see you this way. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3165 I saw a bright light, and then the whole game flashed before my eyes 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3166 Male tears rehydration therapy 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3167 The Alpha Chi candy-stripers dropped by. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3168 You'll note that I'm hooked up to a perpetual loop; that saves money. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3169 The doctor invited me to his tailgate tonight. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3170 Who knew! with all the sugar and alcohol in my blood I can make a new bloody drink! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3171 It's the new summer formulary blend! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3172 Two weeks recovery be damned... I'm ready to go to the ballpark! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3173 I told them I wasn't allergic to pours in IV 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3174 Try to guess where the nurse got this idea. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3175 Turns out Dr. Brewski likes to tailgate, too! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3176 Don't look at me like that; it's prescribed. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3177 So, did I win the race? 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3178 I'm taking advantage of the latest innovations in sports medicine. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3179 I saved enough on an IV stand to pay for half a dozen aspirin. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3180 They understand my need to tie one on. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3181 They tell me my malt count is low. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3182 I'm double-fisting my IV treatments! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3183 Did I at least make it onto Instagram? 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3184 I see it your way. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3185 It beats those damn reality shows you watch! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3186 The Doctor wants to enforce strict bed rest. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3187 No more hard alcohol. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3188 I suggest you connect with yourself. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3189 The can on the right is a stout and the one on the left an IPA. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3190 They said it cures abstinence. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3191 They said our insurance no longer covers the usual stainless IV stands. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3192 This is all i can get under my insurance plan. We're getting kicked out of the broom closet as soon as this IV empties. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3193 I'm told it was a night to remember. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3194 Your laptop isn't missing. They just need to assess if this canned music will help you withdraw from your addiction to those weird websites. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3195 Ohhh ....It's Miller Light , don't take me out of here ..... ever. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3196 Apparently a beer company donated this wing. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3197 It's a party IV. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3198 Did you see where they put the Twizzler? 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3199 Relax dear, I'm sure they know what there doing. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3200 This method actually makes me feel like I'm at the game. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3201 Your cans are upside down Gravity Man. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3202 The Doc told me I will get better with a positive attitude. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3203 At least our insurance pays for imported. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3204 It's a millennial carotid artery bypass. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3205 It's Liebfraumilch. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3206 Apparently, your blood alcohol level is dangerously low. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3207 I'm lucky to get even this with Trumpcare 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3208 This IV drip is way better than I through III. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3209 My fraternity's healthcare plan isn't that bad, Mom. They're even transferring me to a recovery couch later this afternoon. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3210 It's the only way I can watch the nightly news while I am NPO! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3211 They said this is the way they keep Keith Richards going, his detox cure 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3212 With our new health plan, I can chose morphine or beer. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3213 Its AB Lite 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3214 My thoughts keep looping. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3215 Is this really the secret decoder from the Ovaltine box? 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3216 See? I'm fine to go to the game! I'll fit right in! 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3217 It's an experiment. I'm supposed to go from sober to dead drunk in no time. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3218 They call it the head beat monitor! 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3219 After the horrendous car accident I can only crack open a cold one with myself. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3220 The doctors are saying I won’t live past this keg. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3221 You're right , there is ice water running through my veins, are ya happy? 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3222 Could you please pass me the Whoopie Cushion Bedpan? 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3223 I can't leave you now, Harry, can I? 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3224 Helen, you must understand. I've got to get as much soda in me as possible before the new tax goes into effect. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3225 I'm telling you, Muriel, it's not just in my head. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3226 If I put my mind to it, I can quit caffeine anytime. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3227 The reprogramming is working but now I crave diet Red Bull. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3228 I can now hear the sound of one hand clapping. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3229 Billing stopped by. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
3230 Won't the carbonation go to your head, dear?" "No, Helen. These are not beer cans. 1.1081 0.05175 37 33 4 0
3231 It's the latest stereo concept from Beats by Dre... 1.1053 0.06299 38 35 2 1
3232 My plan doesn't cover IV fluids, so it's bring your own bottle here. 1.1053 0.05045 38 34 4 0
3233 Soo... Medicare covers "Beer can therapy" Now????? 1.1053 0.05045 38 34 4 0
3234 The least you can do is get me a shopping channel. 1.1053 0.05045 38 34 4 0
3235 I told the doctor I wanted a 6-pack, not these two tall beers. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3236 I prefer my fedora. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3237 It's eliminated all those pesky staff people wanting to see how I'm doing. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3238 Oh dear, I am getting addicted to this 'brainfusion' ! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3239 I will never, ever...be a walking billboard again! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3240 Sport Medicine has evolved. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3241 Our carrier says it's a step up from the regular nicotine patch. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3242 Just think how much were saving under the AHCA so it's no big deal to do your own IV's 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3243 This is the most functional way to provide for our family. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3244 Doctor said let him know when my pulse stops. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3245 Double or nothing 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3246 The standing desk was just not enough. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3247 My public awaits. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3248 Crowlers are cheaper than pints. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3249 Through the miracle of syphoning my nutrition and hydration system has a perfect energy-star rating. AND I'm not tethered to a pole. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3250 I don't know if this intravenous intervention works,but I'm happy. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3251 Yes, I am fine now... it was just a blip in my connection with you ! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3252 Honey, never mind my hospitalization, my pulse is pitch perfect! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3253 It's part of my Advantage plan. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3254 I still can't pee. Third time's a charm, I hope. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3255 Win one for the sipper 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3256 Calling Dr.Bombay come right away 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3257 And for this they waived your co-pay? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3258 The Kool-Aid man gets you every time 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3259 Wife: 'Too much blood in my beer stream' is not a medical condition. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3260 The new medicine like the new math, I don't understand it! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3261 Saturdays are for the boys. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3262 I think.......therefore, I am! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3263 It's the latest -- a psychosomatic cure. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3264 The doctor is giving me a new transfusion treatment because he says I am brain dead. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3265 The treatment restores my equilibrium. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3266 This is what happens to a braniac. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3267 Did you bring my Rubik's Cube? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3268 The ER Doctor said the fraternity was placed on probation. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3269 The wave signal says you don't want me back home 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3270 Okay, I feel my heartbeat is slowing. Let’s try again. Turn on the news. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3271 I’m dyeing my blood with my official NFL team colors. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3272 And you laughed when I got my beer hat! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3273 This is standard treatment, if after four hours it still…well, you know. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3274 I think Shark Tank is in my future. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3275 Smile Mom. This contraption will save you money on the hospital bill. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3276 I'm channeling your mother!! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3277 They're weaning me gradually. The one on the left is LIGHT beer. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3278 They've asked me to get a head start on the embalming. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3279 But it IS light beer, honey. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3280 This way I'm forced to stay alert. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3281 Maybe buying our health insurance from Budweiser wasn't such a good idea. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3282 Do you hear me. I'm waiting for your answer. Either YES or NO ! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3283 this week it's near beer --next tomorrow we will try margaritas...... 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3284 Honest, it's on doctor's orders. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3285 Did my team win? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3286 What! They don't have anything on tap? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3287 Yes, they did hook me up in time for the game. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3288 Well, just Recuse me! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3289 They say I'll be back by midseason. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3290 Our insurance includes bro bonding. Who knew? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3291 Romney: You told me to work for Trump! 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3292 If it had been up to me, I would have just shoved both cans where the sun doesn't shine 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3293 IV stands are no longer covered by my HMO. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3294 "One's decaf,the other's dark roast. Why do you ask ?' 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3295 At least you don't have to sit through the game... 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3296 Two cans of the old brew and two aspirins and I'll be just like new 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3297 The doctor's diagnosis was dark and stormy. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3298 My piss tastes like shit. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3299 Ok, I give up. Which is the ale and which is the lager? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3300 It's craft transfusion. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3301 Trumpcare gave me this face and now it's going to cure my alcoholism. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3302 I'm trying to learn to listen to my body. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3303 "I don't think our hospitalization covers "Wired for clear," dear. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3304 They had to make sure they could bill for the procedure. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3305 So this is the latest in the world of transfusions. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3306 It's Bud Light honey. At least this way I don't have to taste it to get drunk. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3307 I'm just going to need you to wear this headband for 6, 7 hours so I can lay back and get some shuteye. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3308 I do love you, we're just wired differently. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3309 Going without beer isn't as tough as I thought it would be 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3310 Better than an IV drip. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3311 the hook up is fine, but where is the on-off button? 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3312 I asked for a double shot. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3313 When this goes off, I do the macarena. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3314 I call it a "more-fun" drip. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3315 They said my sugar was low. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3316 IPA becomes you. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3317 Honestly, Blanche. I'm feeling really serene right now. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3318 It's an experimental treatment called Black and Tamiflu. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3319 This way the 'H' in the AHCA stands for care that's 'hidden' from view. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3320 Sorry. Doctor's orders. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3321 Earth to William.... 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3322 You should see my catheter. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3323 But honey, the Jets have't even began their season yet. 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3324 My healthcare proxy's a bartender... 1.1034 0.05755 29 26 3 0
3325 So can I please go to the game now? 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
3326 Don't give me that look! It's a treatable disease! 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
3327 Since November, the occurrence of 'doctor assisted avoidance', has sky rocketed - reports a now unfunded study. 1.1026 0.06141 39 36 2 1
3328 Still a two fisted drinker, Isee! 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
3329 It's the latest thing in soda detox. 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
3330 George, this is unprecedented in your extreme need to watch sports 24-7. 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
3331 Apparently my BAC is really high. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
3332 We didn't think much about fracking until this morning. 1.1000 0.04804 40 36 4 0
3333 I know what you're thinking, but relax..it's non-alcoholic. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
3334 Soft drink withdrawal. I was trying to go cold turkey. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
3335 My insurance policy recommends beer as the cheapest pain killer. 1.0976 0.05849 41 38 2 1
3336 I asked for a night light not a Bud Lite. 1.0976 0.04692 41 37 4 0
3337 Know how I used to have to actually drink from those beer can hats? 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
3338 Damn, honey, I said Bud Light not Miller Lite. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3339 It's really handy for parties. You don't have to stop talking when you drink. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3340 They took me out at the ball game. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3341 He said his name was Dr. Simpson. He seemed homey enough. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3342 I don't have to pee as much. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3343 The doctor said to avoid static electricity. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3344 The docs say that because my body is ale-ing, they will need to do shots in a few minutes. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3345 Of course I can still hear you, dear. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3346 Aha - fake news in a fake brain! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3347 OK, one more time, what's your password? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3348 sure, it's a bit elaborate... but it's a custom blend! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3349 Now can I watch the game?! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3350 Insurance only covers Pilsner but the doctor says he will bring some IPA samples for me later today. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3351 For the last time, I will not ask the White House to explain how hands like yours can hold cans like these! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3352 By gosh, this new therapy really works, Beth! I can actually see the feeling coming back into your eyebrows! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3353 Honey, what do you think about Jimmy Haslam's pre-season spa for Cleveland Browns fans? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3354 It's pain relief without the opiod addiction. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3355 Better living through chemistry! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3356 It's stereo. I hear the ocean in my left ear and my blood in the right. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3357 I'm playing telephone with myself. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3358 Honey, it's the playoffs and this is the only way I can go. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3359 I was selected for the Bud Light drip trial. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3360 When you come tomorrow, please bring my headphones. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3361 Don't worry, it's just electrolytes and B vitamins. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3362 Honey, we can't afford the bill for your healthcare so I am here to say my goodbyes. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3363 This Dumbo joke is funnier without this blanket. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3364 It's a new macro brew. It makes my liver happy. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3365 So you are not buying the PBR 2 IV? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3366 This ain't workin'. Cut the Bud and hit the Stella. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3367 It's A-negative-o'clock somewhere. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3368 It's NBA withdrawal. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3369 Yes dear, it's recycling therapy. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3370 Thanks. That's much better. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3371 It's medicinal.. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3372 Look mom, no hands 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3373 At the midlife crisis treatment center. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3374 The Dr. said "I have a split Personalty" 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3375 My doctor did his undergrad work at Tulane. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3376 Refills are available from the vending machine in the hallway. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3377 You thought medical marijuana was a good idea... 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3378 It's one of the hospital's ways of reducing expenses. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3379 At Mary's insistence, Dan volunteers for what is hoped to be a breakthrough treatment to cure MBA's of a desire to run for POTUS. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3380 Honey I'm in the hospital for my blood soda. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3381 My doctor says that it's a homebrewed medication. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3382 The new healthcare. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3383 Let's go! The game's about to start. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3384 Have they said anything about my case? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3385 My death panel was sponsored by a soda company. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3386 Cutbacks. Self-medicating. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3387 They say it's called the Placebo treatment. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3388 Honey, would you mind pouring me another canister of coffee? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3389 Medical beer is legal now, it helps with my pain. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3390 I lost a Michelada blood, Mary. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3391 Thanks for the beers, Sweetie. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3392 They said it was because of all that blood rushing to my head. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3393 A man needs his hands! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3394 They say the care here is mind-blowing. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3395 Yes, mother, this is the residual of all those years of cleaning out my ear canal wax with toothpicks. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3396 They call it a 'patient-centered care plan' 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3397 Those look suspiciously home made. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3398 You should know it's 'recuse,' not 'transfuse.' 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3399 The doctor recommended I double my intake of liquids. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3400 This will help you listen to me better next time 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3401 Nice beat but not easy to dance to. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3402 Walking around is easy since the doctor cured my bipolar disorder. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3403 If you say one more word to me, I will self-destruct! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3404 'I designed a new fascinator. do you like it?' 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3405 If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, beer IS, in fact, an essential nutrient! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3406 He said I needed more energy. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3407 I got ready for some flowers. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3408 It's supposed to give me wings 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3409 My being a 'frat boy' is a pre-existing condition 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3410 It's called brain infusion. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3411 Let them practice medicine. I'm practicing alcohol. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3412 They were out of I.V. equipment, so they used by beer hat. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3413 Medical Rube who? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3414 Fools! They keep bringing a pitcher of water and a glass. Can't they see I have this taken care of? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3415 Don't worry; it's I.V. Lite. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3416 My doctor started out as a beerista. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3417 Yeah, my doc just got back from Sturgis. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3418 I heard that you have some shocking news for me. {from woman to man} 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3419 No, trust me. This is correct. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3420 Call me a skeptic but, unless that's dynamite, I'm thinking holistic clinics may not be the best place for chronic sinusitis. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3421 The doc and I are bros. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3422 A few Sig Chi brothers stopped by this morning, so that made me feel better. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3423 The head transplant was successful, and we want a divorce. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3424 Well, they couldn't keep the coffee warm using an IV stand, Susan. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3425 I caught some kind of bug down at the recycling center 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3426 Don't worry, it's a yeasty artisanal IPA brewed in Bushwick. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3427 Who knew the ObamaCare Gold plan included Obama-like ear augmentation? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3428 Thanks for asking me to be the subject of your documentary "Your Brain on Beer." I'm finding it a scintillating experience. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3429 Do the Dew, baby, do the Dew. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3430 The doctor says I still have at least five innings. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3431 I'd hoped with your mouth wired shut you'd lay off the stuff. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3432 Now can I watch the game?! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3433 What? I told the nurse this will save money on their pain killers 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3434 Haha so where are you thinking about rushing 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3435 10-9-8-7-6-5----- 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3436 Apparently mindfulness can be overdone. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3437 Yes, I'm going to be here a while. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3438 My healthcare insurance will not pay for tests so I have to do it myself. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3439 It's never too late to listen to your body, dear. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3440 It is the Duo Beer Procedure. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3441 Yesterday, I even got dessert. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3442 The noise cancelling headphones were out of stock. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3443 I feel like my head is about to explode. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3444 'I'm not letting you talk to the doctor ever again, Chad' 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3445 Let's talk about our plans for the future! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3446 My doctor says I should try to get my to my normal routine. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3447 The doctor said that is was a new type of hydration pack. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3448 It turns out that the chief resident is a former fraternity brother of mine. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3449 Dr. Frankenstein has high hopes for me. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3450 "Wonderful! It's the best the Trump health plan came up with. Fantastic! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3451 Turns out the doctor and I were drinking buddies back in college. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3452 Ya gotta love Obamacare....no IV Pole and I still get my 2 beers a day! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3453 The hospital outsourced the blood bank to a brewery. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3454 No Mary, not because Ensure is good enough for Guantanamo, it´s good enough for me 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3455 You're making a fool out of me. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3456 Dr. Budweiser's orders. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3457 This way, I don't have to miss any of the game to complete my transfusion. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3458 Milkshakes, are you kidding? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3459 They're for my tinnitus. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3460 You want a divorce? That's all you have to say? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3461 Remember, Mom, you were the one that encouraged me to break out of my shell in the dorms. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3462 It's cheaper than anesthesia, and it tastes better! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3463 I've heard that it improves circulation, you know. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3464 The doctor suggested I stop standing on my head 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3465 Gin left, tonic right. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3466 Keepin' the winning streak going. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3467 The doctor was right and unfortunately you never knew me when I was in my twenties. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3468 You should see what they can do with a whoopie cushion. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3469 You should be proud Mom. They only give IV guzzler helmets to the wildest of the frat boys. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3470 I had a sudden attack of sobriety. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3471 What's AA? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3472 I would offer you a drink.... 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3473 My doctor lived in a frat house during medical school. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3474 On the bright side, we finally have something in common - w'ere both addicted to rehab. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3475 Game Day has no delays. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3476 Well they said it made Bud wiser 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3477 Tomorrow I get a spinal tap. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3478 My doctor was in my fraternity. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3479 well hon, detox is going well. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3480 Who ever knew ear wax was therapeutic? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3481 Medical booze binge. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3482 It's Dunkin. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3483 Doc doesn't know if I'll ever be able to keg stand again. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3484 Trump doesn't cover IV poles. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3485 He said he had primo seats and bye. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3486 It helps with the hangover. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3487 It's the Trump plan for 'pre-existing condition.' 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3488 I don't get as big a beer belly this way 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3489 It's a new craft IV. Oxacillan-forward, but with a glucose backbone. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3490 Can't you see I'm doping for a six-pack! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3491 Schlitz and Budweiser I think but my peripheral vision is not so good. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3492 Taking the imported stuff is the toughest thing I've ever done. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3493 No, I asked for two I.V. hookups so I could get out of the hospital twice as fast. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3494 We're watching Jackass again tonight 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3495 It just told me it's no longer covered by Medicare. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3496 This is one way to get the blood pumping, but exercise really isn't that bad. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3497 I don't want to know how they are going to put my foley in 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3498 They say I have a divided personality despite calling myself a moderate. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3499 It's a new medical breakthrough--Positive Thinking 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3500 Mr. President, you can't make your hands grow by tapping into your ego. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3501 Yes, but boutique medicine doesn't favor IV poles. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3502 Thanks for popping in 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3503 Princess Leia, what galaxy did you say you've been to? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3504 I see your doctor is a fellow football enthusiast. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3505 Honey, this isn't a game. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3506 The Scientology Department says this will allow me to regrow my pinkies. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3507 NOW will you listen to me? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3508 My doctor is a child prodigy! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3509 I'm not sure where he went to med school, but I do know he was Beta Kappa Upsilon. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3510 Digestion is so passe. I'm willing these turkey rolls directly into my bloodstream. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3511 The chicken soup is definitely not working 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3512 "It's called 'beer can therapy'". 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3513 It's a lot better than beer. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3514 Don't ask! Just run! Now! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3515 Back again. Can't you take a hint ? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3516 Honey, my neurosurgeon assures me that I'm cool for our pool party. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3517 It's a first of its kind Bud transfusion. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3518 I think these hearing aids work better than the last ones I tried. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3519 It's called extreme sports, Mom. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3520 It's keeping me off opiods. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3521 Those were my explicit instructions to the hospital staff! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3522 They say it strengthens the effects of the caffeine. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3523 I've had good luck with them at the ball park. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3524 I'm good at this. I went to college and pledged a fraternity. We all had these hats..... 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3525 Sweetie, I'm leaving before you blow yourself up. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3526 For double bypass you get double IPA. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
3527 Liquid Viagra Dave? Really??? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3528 I want to be cold blooded but my ears are freezing! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3529 I heard there is an enucleation in the OR theater. I thought we could check it out? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
3530 Can the judgement. Doctor says it's medically necessary to prepare for football season. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
3531 What? I don't do drugs. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
3532 Dear, the doctor thinks a transfer to the psychiatric word might be helpful. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3533 It's a solid way to get fluids, honey. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3534 Do you think this is a placebo? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3535 Enough with the auditing! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3536 Yeah,it's an I.V. hat, the nurses know how to make a. Guy comfortable! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3537 Listen, Redd. I may be a pea-brain, but I need my bull-brain fix 24/7! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3538 "Yes Martha, the Doctor assured me, wearing beer cans this close to the brain, is not going to give me an 'yeast infection.' ? ' 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3539 The doctor says this way is more efficient. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3540 So they called this guy, Dr. Dre, in for a second opinion. He said, "beats me". 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3541 At least your hands still look Presidential. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3542 I keep dreaming about Annette Funicello. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3543 There's a relationship here. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3544 They say it will improve my hand-eye coordination a hundred percent 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3545 Wait 'til you see what they have planned for my foam finger." 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3546 Bud-Weis-Er 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3547 They say my heart keeps chugging. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3548 Thanks for the beer, honey. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3549 Feel like making a vending machine run? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3550 I used superglue on my direct-injection beer helmet. So sad. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3551 You'll get well quicker if you listen to me, not your blood. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3552 Do you know if this was covered by our insurance? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3553 All ears. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3554 I opted for the tier 1 pharmaceutical package. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3555 Ask if they have them in black, it goes with everything. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3556 The doctor is an old drinking buddy from college. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3557 The student nurse who hooked me up told me she is practicing on pledging to a sorority. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3558 It must be nice to hear the fizzing. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3559 Trumpcare is making American healthcare great again! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3560 I heard Trump also uses this for his hands. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3561 The doctor told me to think real hard the words "stool softener". 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3562 The doctors decided to double down on my treatments. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3563 I asked for two beers with a really big head. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3564 Power healing. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3565 It's part of a study. The other group where's cheese shaped hats. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3566 Its resting my heart. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3567 This way, I don't feel so bad missing the playoffs. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3568 It's for draining the wax build-up. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3569 I've cut out the middle man. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3570 Just two more months upping the dosage, and Doctor said I should be able to keep up with the interns. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3571 Hey, it's cheaper than chemo but the side effects are the same. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3572 It's the latest in sports-themed IV's. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3573 My bartender gives me a 5.6% chance of a full recovery. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3574 I told you that I would always get my beer, one way or another 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3575 Yeah, I'm really impressed by the advances in sports medicine. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3576 It's the doctor. He's a rabid football fan. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3577 He said it was all in my head. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3578 Now I can hear you 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3579 Keep your head up. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3580 Great news Dear. They have cocktail hour here. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3581 Apparently, it was the pathetic domestic beer that was causing my problems. This is a radical new treatment from Europe that replaces all the bad beer with imports. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3582 You do know opiates are highly addictive, right? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3583 Doc says if I can keep all these fluids down, I can have two more. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3584 You know I have to prep for football season. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3585 Yeah it's unconventional, but they're only $7 a pint. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3586 You finally catch a few winks and they strap this crap on you! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3587 The Doctor's part of the craft IV movement. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3588 I don't which is the experimental drug and which is the placebo. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3589 My brain, is migraine, the wry strain. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3590 As my sponsor, I hope you can appreciate that a drink has not touched my lips in days. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3591 They made me give up drinking. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3592 Turns out having a brain is a pre-existing condition. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3593 I will study my lines for the next Mission Imposssible movie after I am done auditing the elders from the planet Zoo-dookie. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3594 999,999 bottles of Beer in all 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3595 It's true - Schlitz is covered on Trumpcare! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3596 They're checking my baseline. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3597 I suppose they provide the sports channel as well? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3598 Our policy only covers the "heal yourself" option 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3599 Yeah, Griselda, they're discharging me in time to make the big game, while still getting IV hydration! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3600 On balance, Michael, you're a real drip. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3601 Beer, it used to go to my head, now it comes from it. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3602 It's all about marketing to Gen X 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3603 Boilermaker. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3604 Don't be so bloody minded dear. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3605 You don't buy health insurance, you rent it. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3606 I am in a clinical trial on hand-mind coordination. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3607 I just thought you'd be rooting for me. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3608 Experimental? Certainly. Mind blowing? Most definitely. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3609 I agree it looks ridiculous but it's a big improvement on that damned IV-pole contraption for getting to the washroom. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3610 What? This is how a real sport's fan gets their IV. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3611 I feel nothing. These must be light beers. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3612 It's a Trumpcare cost-saving innovation 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3613 The beat is good but I'm no Ray Charles 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3614 Why Am I getting flashbacks from your old college Fraternity? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3615 Turned out all I had was a little hair on the dog! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3616 Yes, I'm bugged. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3617 That's not the way to get in touch with your inner self. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3618 So I figured, go big or go home, right? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3619 For me, craft beers are the only authentic therapy. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3620 It's true, believe me, it's true, brain food treats excess Tweet damage and boosts hand size. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3621 ...and so I thought to myself, "so what? You're a vampire. Live a little! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3622 You never heard of intravenous hops? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3623 My shrink says that I need to be more connected. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3624 Sports medicine. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3625 Yes. My doctor is quite young. Why do you ask? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3626 I have to say that my beer hat is working much better now! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3627 NPO does not have to be a buzzkill. And you are the one who would not fill an enema bag with wine, Mother. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3628 The doctor said it's the worst beer pong injury he's ever seen. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3629 I did ask for stereos, though. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3630 As a fraternity member, this is the only way that the hospital could get me to take my intravenous fluids. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3631 My internist liked to tailgate in college. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3632 The tests confirmed it. Saturdays are for the boys. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3633 Honey, I am sorry that still doesn't qualify as Artificial Intelligence 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3634 The last thing I remember is that the car was sliding out of control and now I've ended up in a cartoon. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3635 How do you like my deep brain stimulator? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3636 Who needs Obamacare, just keep the beer flowing! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3637 The doctor says this will get me dancing again. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3638 Did you bring the foam "No 1" finger? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3639 I can't stop thinking about what I'm thinking about. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3640 Intravenous beer is so much more efficient for the NBA finals. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3641 Remind me, when was this fun? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3642 one of my medications tastes great, the other is less filling 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3643 I've been disgnosed with lager's desease and the only known cure is intravenous beer! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3644 Well, they did my first aid right there at the NASCAR race. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3645 Awesome morphine, dude. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3646 The nurse said it's some sort of marketing tie in between Pfizer's clinical oncology division and Rolling Rock. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3647 I used to get my treatment at Yankee Stadium but found that the hospital is cheaper 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3648 Can't hear a thing ... then again, I'm not missing much. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3649 Hey, Baby, buy you a drip? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3650 The good news is they won. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3651 I'm hoping it will help the Jets win. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3652 Of course he knows what he is doing his name is Dr. Beers. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3653 What? I'm in bed. They said I don't need the helmet. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3654 I was watching the game! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3655 New therapy, I'm told. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3656 Less filling. Tastes great! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3657 It's a well-balanced stereoid infusion. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3658 Well, they offered $50 per day to participate in this study of how to prevent "brain drain". Do you think I have what it takes? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3659 It’s Miller time. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3660 The doc says it's Tinnitus. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3661 But honey, I can't let the Dawg Pound down. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3662 No. Well ... maybe sometimes a strange hoppy bitterness in my ass and big toes. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3663 It's the new way to avoid opiate dependency. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3664 It's an experimental treatment that you'd never find in the States. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3665 ... political, I suspect ... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3666 I didn't know you could hot wire a person's head. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3667 See? The doc said I could still go to the game! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3668 I'm pretty sure the orderly just got back from a homecoming game. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3669 Mind-BLOWing treatment 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3670 My doctor graduated from University of Munich. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3671 Thinking of beer seems to eliminate the desire. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3672 canned tune out 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3673 Don't worry, it's generic. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3674 You're looking especially ravishing today, hon. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3675 Sorry dear, I can't hear a word with these things on. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3676 Son, if you must go to Pyongyang, you're must wear this brain injury prevention device at all times. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3677 Its not as addictive as Fentanyl, and twice as effective. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3678 I'm sorry - I don't think Trumpcare hearing aids are 'Terrific.' 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3679 Doc said take two of these and see me in the morning 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3680 They'll take me to hospice over my dead body! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3681 My insurance coverage was cancelled, so I can only afford a beer drip. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3682 It’s not what you think—I’m developing higher levels of inner-balance through mindfulness. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3683 And how are you doubling your fun? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3684 This treatment is called societal rehab therapy #8, used in the initial steps in the recovery of sports addictions. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3685 It's a strict all-liquid diet 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3686 ''The new government medical plan approved this method." 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3687 The new healthcare act approves beer as a pain killer. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3688 I got IPA in the left, and a nice Hefeweizen in the right. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3689 It's a pre-med fraternity, Mom. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3690 I cannot hear you. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3691 I was terribly de-beered. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3692 This is the latest in anti-stress treatments! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3693 Yes Mother, I go to rehab tomorrow. The doctor says I can keep my IV beer ears till then. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3694 Wrong Alan, you've got to wrap your HEAD around the treatment. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3695 Sorry, just lost in thought, I guess. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3696 They give me an IVPA at Happy Hour. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3697 I'm such a goddamn idiot 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3698 I know...but all I said was the nurses in the children's wing give better care. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3699 Say again? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3700 I guess this means they're postponing my surgery again 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3701 Make it short. When I touch hands I get NPR in both ears, real loud. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3702 I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my helmet. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3703 But does our insurance cover craft brews? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3704 They think I've got a problem drinking... 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3705 Apparently Obamacare doesn't cover i. v. pain killers. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3706 The doctor told me to think of it as my Sobering Reality headset. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3707 Did you bring the beer? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3708 The doctors said it was poison IV. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3709 My doctor told me I needed to recharge. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3710 So, is God saying you'll make it? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3711 I didn't know you would be visiting today. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3712 The signal from the mother-ship is fading . . . 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3713 They're getting more saline solution tomorrow. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3714 Mother please, consuming beverages through the mouth is so passé. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3715 They called it a Bloody Mary infusion. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3716 I'm super pumped for this KEG the Doc keeps talking about. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3717 I have complete faith in Dr. Pepper." "Dr. Pepper seems to think that I'm a pepper, too. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3718 The doctor says it's ambidextral disorder. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3719 I'm YouTubing outta here with the zaniest brainiest standup routine. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3720 Sobriety was my pre-existing condition, so the insurance company won't pay. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3721 It's uncanny, but it seems to be working. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3722 The doctor said it would cure my hangover. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3723 I'll be able to tell the day of anyone's birthdate. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3724 I should get to choose my own playlist at this point in time! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3725 Beer with me honey, its barley noticeable. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3726 The lager I ale, the better I feel. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3727 I'm prepping for my liver transplant. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3728 George's affordable health plan calls for self-assembly of all medical devices. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3729 The next dose is at 9 and kickoff is noon 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3730 Recusal doesn't include giving up frequent flyer oversight. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3731 I opted for no-frills coverage. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3732 "To talk I have a sore throat" -Arman Roberts, age 6 Bainbridge Island, WA 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3733 One feed is for fact, the other for alternative fact. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3734 I am not allowed to eat right now due to my condition. This is the only way to get my allowed 2 cans of beer a day 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3735 They didi 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3736 It promises a quick trip to nirvana. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3737 Jason, for fuuc...ugh., How in the world can one not know , quote on quote, "i read about 'BEER suicide' on the internet" doesnt count as life insurance payout?!! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3738 But if I was in the placebo group, wouldn't they just tell me? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3739 And, what did the doctor say my Witbier count was? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3740 Beer Pong was discontinued and replaced by "IV 40-ouncers" 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3741 Does it make me look sick? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3742 This virtual reality headset is really making me sick 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3743 The doc's just emptying my ashtray. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3744 My health insurrance really knows how to streamline service! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3745 I thought I made clear that I wanted the limited edition IPA not the small batch lager! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3746 My two personalities are talking to each other. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3747 I haven't felt this good since Super Bowl Sunday! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3748 Doctor Watson used to work at a concession stand at Yankee Stadium. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3749 These headphones are really cool. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3750 This is not what I had in mind when I agreed to pay your college tuition so you could get into the medical field. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3751 Have you met my nurse? She's just out of college. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3752 Calm down, they're diet. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3753 Now You know what happens when You skimp on healthcare... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3754 Wax in the ears procedure in the morning. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3755 Would you like me to bring you another beer dear? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3756 No, I'm STILL going to AA! This is Trumpcare dialysis. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3757 Since I am NPO, I had to get my beer some way! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3758 I know it looks odd, but my eye-hand coordination is much better, don't you think? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3759 You" know I can't hear you when the IV's running. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3760 Oh Dear! I will never get hair shaped like yours. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3761 The docs say I have ipsilateral control of handedness. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3762 My Dr. told me to quit drinking. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3763 Jim, you look mahvellous 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3764 Oh, relax - it's only lite beer. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3765 What time are the Packers on? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3766 On the plus side, this is the best TPN ever 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3767 I think there are better ways of cutting health costs. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3768 It's an IPA IV. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3769 Told you I had too much blood in my alcohol stream. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3770 It's required by my PPO. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3771 Beer is much better out of a stein. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3772 He said he once stayed at a Holiday Inn Express. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3773 The doctor says I should avoid heavy lifting and visiting your mother on game day. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3774 I told you I needed another one. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3775 Yelp gives their kitchen 4.5 stars. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
3776 It gives me wings! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3777 My catheter is so empowering! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3778 Best beer ever ... gravity flow and intravenous. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3779 I kind of have a beer headache 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3780 I tape them to my arms so they look like tubes 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3781 Must keep up my blood alcohol level dear, Doctor's orders. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3782 Unfortunately, doing the wave is out of the question. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3783 I love our PPO! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3784 Did you bring my smokes? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3785 It's a light roast. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3786 I can heartly hear you! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3787 And the doctor said he believed this right hemisphere left half of the body, left hemisphere right half of the body thing was nonsense. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3788 They're recyclable. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3789 It's meant to remove the history of nagging 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3790 Another hangover, Harry? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3791 It's a cochle-beer implant. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3792 The Doctor said it's only a brain freeze 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3793 Because the AHCA, honey. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3794 The millennial dream: to regress into the womb. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3795 Normally, I prefer an IPA plasma; but this one is a bit too hoppy. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3796 You did say you wanted me to give up drinking... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3797 Doctors be damned, the boys and I are cracking open a cold one tonight. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3798 This is a BOGO hospital. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3799 The IV stand was holding me back 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3800 They said coffee is good for you 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3801 It's called the Beer Drip, for those days when morphine doesn't quite do it. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
3802 They're trying to get my fingers to play the music I hear . The percussion is making my eyeballs pop out. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
3803 I asked for both red blood and blue blood to so I can appear favorable to all of my constituents 1.0882 0.06496 34 32 1 1
3804 This is an amazing new thing called stereo. How long was I in a coma, anyway? 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3805 The doctor says my condition has improved since she put me on medical beer. 1.0882 0.06496 34 32 1 1
3806 I also have a feeling of deja vu. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3807 They said to expect some improvement soon. A good caffeine jolt is the latest thing in medical cure-allls 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3808 No, they have not said anything about an available app. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3809 It's step one of a liquid erectile dysfunction experiment, you're step two. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3810 I was approved for this pre-existing condition treatment. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3811 No , this is a preventive measure . Usually admission is reserved for those who already blew it... 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3812 I get to see both sides. 1.0882 0.06496 34 32 1 1
3813 Please stop singing, 'Roll Out the Barrel'. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3814 With these puppies, I can get discharged this afternoon and do outpatient. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3815 Hun two more cold brewskis STAT! 1.0882 0.06496 34 32 1 1
3816 Alternative medicine, they call it. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3817 Very creative, Phil, but you are NOT going to the game on Sunday. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3818 Please don't call me Dumbo, that would be too easy. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3819 My plan doesn't cover IV stands. 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
3820 Brain drain? No, my barber suggested sending positive thoughts to make my arms hairier while avoiding the pitfalls. 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3821 Notice, I'm listening to the talking money ? 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3822 And the peanut vendor is also my doctor! 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3823 The drum beating Pink Bunny's paying for this. 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3824 It's an experimental therapy. 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3825 The drug may not have any actual chemical effect, so they are trying to maximize the placebo effect. 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3826 Oh yeah? Well, screw you, clown! 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3827 Otherwise, my elbows can't shake their inhibitions. 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3828 I just assumed "hattoo" was a typo 1.0857 0.04801 35 32 3 0
3829 Gotta support the team. 1.0857 0.06313 35 33 1 1
3830 The doctor wants to give me the total fan experience. 1.0833 0.06140 36 34 1 1
3831 Eerily, before sleep took me, I thought I heard my Dr. say, "Men improve with the ears". 1.0833 0.04672 36 33 3 0
3832 The doctors told me it is a new form of blood transfusion. The beer is premixed and prepares me for any sporting event on TV. 1.0833 0.06140 36 34 1 1
3833 Hank agreed to the IV under one condition 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
3834 I asked for a to go order 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
3835 "We're saving money, honey. DIY IV. 1.0811 0.04549 37 34 3 0
3836 I've got a bit of a headache. Do you mind fluffing up my pillow? 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
3837 Patient at Beer Pong General 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
3838 I use this one in my bathtub. 1.0789 0.05820 38 36 1 1
3839 Ironically, it looks just like that thing you ordered from the catalog so you could drink two beers at once. 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
3840 You were saying that your oncologist went to Dartmouth? 1.0789 0.04433 38 35 3 0
3841 - They said, I do not have enough concentration in my blood! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
3842 This is the only healthcare I can afford right now. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
3843 Better use as much of our healthcare plan while we have it. 1.0750 0.04218 40 37 3 0
3844 It blows my mind what you are telling me, Mom! 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
3845 I'm not the one you want babe I'm not the one you need 1.0732 0.04118 41 38 3 0
3846 Wish I'd known that Dr. Redblood also was president of the university booster club. 1.0714 0.04022 42 39 3 0
3847 Food for thought didn't work. They're now trying thought for food. 1.0714 0.04956 28 26 2 0
3848 What game? Oh... No, I haven't been watching. 1.0714 0.04956 28 26 2 0
3849 The doctor said an intravenous of warm beer will help. 1.0714 0.04956 28 26 2 0
3850 Do you want your Viagra? 1.0714 0.04956 28 26 2 0
3851 Help yourself to the water dear, I'm fine! 1.0714 0.04956 28 26 2 0
3852 Well at least I feel well protected!! 1.0714 0.04956 28 26 2 0
3853 Mind if we'll just play tin can telephone for just a sec. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3854 This is a new health care expense cut, not more iv bottle holders. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3855 They said just be sure to get plenty of fluids. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3856 very stupid and insensitive graphic 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3857 Honey, my head feels like it is about to explode! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3858 I'm empowering my forearms. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3859 They insist on a balanced diet. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3860 Is this the new balance diet your doctor was talking about? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3861 The doctor did this to stop me drinking 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3862 It's the first step in recovery for beer pong addicts. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3863 You are right...this does take recycling too far! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3864 They said I was the strangest 'case' they've ever treated. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3865 I think.......therefore, I am! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3866 I appreciate the effort here, but next time try to remember I like pilsners, not IPAs. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3867 Beer from a can, Harold? What a boor. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3868 I need an energy boost. I think I will just shoot the red bull straight into my veins. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3869 Thanks to the artificial bile substitute and supervised group therapy, I'm down to two hours of Facebook a day. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3870 Would you prefer Jack Daniels or a fine Merlot ? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3871 Meditation is powerful. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3872 It DOES give you wings! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3873 Remember when I took that trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3874 They want us out. They say that as of yesterday it's pre-existing condition. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3875 Fine-tuning for laser ears! No more: 'he said, she said!' I'll turn you 'off or on' at whim.! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3876 Got your text, 'in hospital having double bypass'... really?! So I brought you a tie, we're still going to my mother's for dinner. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3877 You really need to find a better outlet... 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3878 And how do you suppose I'm going to explain this to the kids? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3879 Our health insurance would only pay for Budweiser. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3880 It's brain stem cell therapy. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3881 I'm still not sure how this is my fault. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3882 Hey are you my savior today? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3883 Don't worry. It's only until the oral surgery heals and insurance covers it. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3884 Better this than an enema. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3885 How embarrassing. Google Glass Syndrome is so 2015. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3886 It's the newest beer can. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3887 Doctor said when I graduate to 2 liter bottles I'll be able to live a normal life again. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3888 They want to bring my blood-alcohol level back up to its normal state 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3889 The doctor warned me there might be a couple of side effects. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3890 Hair of the Dog 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3891 I listen only to myself, since I am the POTUS and know more than anybody else. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
3892 Same thing over and over, Gertrude, and no way out of it. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3893 I'm doctoring up. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3894 I told you it would come in handy some day! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3895 Well, the brochure did say their biofeedback system was dynamite. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3896 I know what you're thinking. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3897 Shaking my head NO is so much fun now. So is nodding YES. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
3898 Less vermouth, please 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3899 Doctor Party said this should help with my low Beer Fun Cell count. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3900 The doctor advised that we get a bigger TV and keep in locked on the sports channel. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3901 "One day at a time," dear. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3902 I hate to tell you, but I think the party's over. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3903 Dr. Frankenstein sent me to cheer you up. He says you need a bride. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3904 Doc. says this way I get less calories, than I would get if I drank light beer. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3905 It keeps me in touch with my inner self. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3906 I'm feeling much better since my slurpee bypass procedure. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3907 What goes in one ear comes out the other. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3908 Turns out the hematologist is a DKE, too. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3909 No, you can't share my pandora drip. The Animals are on now. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3910 You said you wanted a Toucan. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3911 Juice packs are good. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3912 If we had the Gold Plan, it would be bubbly. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3913 This isn't what I meant by "father-son" bonding... 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3914 We couldn't afford the fresh stuff. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3915 They told me that they're earphones. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3916 Sure, it's wrecking my prostrate, but I just don't seem to care anymore. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3917 Best case, this XX IV makes you only mildly interesting. 1.0667 0.06667 30 29 0 1
3918 My doc is a total bro. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3919 So Congress did repeal Obamacare. 1.0667 0.04632 30 28 2 0
3920 It's a chug-free rehab facility. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3921 Can you believe that this will no longer be a preëxisting condition? 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3922 My doctor is a huge fan of this treatment. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3923 I'm tired of being all brain, no brawn. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3924 Yes honey, beer research is a thing now. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3925 Why? Missing cocktail hour; not acceptable: that's why! 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3926 You only "drink" you know what I'm thinking. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3927 It's the prototype for the new Apple IPhone 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3928 If you're not hearing your pulse rate in stereo, then it's time to worry. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3929 "Trump Care" recycles. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3930 I feel as though the force is with me. 1.0645 0.04485 31 29 2 0
3931 Everyone wanted a face just like mine. Nobody wanted me. Only to look like me. 1.0625 0.04348 32 30 2 0
3932 Are you sure this is covered under our health plan? 1.0625 0.04348 32 30 2 0
3933 This allows me to watch sports and take my medication at the same time. 1.0625 0.06250 32 31 0 1
3934 It's expresso. 1.0625 0.04348 32 30 2 0
3935 I told the nurse that I prefer not to walk around with an I.V. pole. 1.0625 0.06250 32 31 0 1
3936 I've been sitting here for half an hour! Wouldn't you rather read? 1.0625 0.04348 32 30 2 0
3937 I see it as gamification of my treatment. 1.0606 0.04218 33 31 2 0
3938 MARCO" "SOLO!! 1.0606 0.04218 33 31 2 0
3939 I can take the pinching feeling in my arms in order to get a quicker beer-rush; however, the smoke in my eyes from the cigarettes is a real bummer. 1.0606 0.04218 33 31 2 0
3940 But honey, Dr. Holder and I were frat brothers! 1.0606 0.04218 33 31 2 0
3941 Doctors tell me that I could be the first person to prove that that human body is a perpetual motion machine. 1.0606 0.04218 33 31 2 0
3942 The doctor said I needed plenty of fluids. 1.0588 0.04096 34 32 2 0
3943 That negative attitude will just get pumped right back into your brain. 1.0588 0.04096 34 32 2 0
3944 I think that you should have better ideas next time 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
3945 good news, doc says ill be out by halftime. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
3946 YODO: You Only Donate Once 1.0571 0.05714 35 34 0 1
3947 I can hear fine now but I feel a lot of pressure behind my eyes. 1.0571 0.05714 35 34 0 1
3948 Told you so. 1.0571 0.03981 35 33 2 0
3949 But it is SO good for the economy! 1.0556 0.03872 36 34 2 0
3950 Do they have WiFi? 1.0541 0.05405 37 36 0 1
3951 I'm pre-gaming for the Comey testimony. 1.0400 0.04082 25 24 1 0
3952 The carbonation helps me reacclimate from the bends. 1.0400 0.04082 25 24 1 0
3953 Thanks, Sheila, this is great! The beer is now going directly into my veins, and straight to my brain. 1.0400 0.04082 25 24 1 0
3954 My nurse says that I'm an angel. 1.0400 0.04082 25 24 1 0
3955 My health insurance wouldn't approve the blood transfusion, but they said this is the acceptable alternative. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3956 It says here you think you might have a couple of hemorrhoids, is that right? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3957 I can feel the blood draining from my arms. If these cans were IV's, the tubes would be below them. I think the nurse is a vampire. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3958 They found that my beer to blood ratio was too low to join the baseball pep rally. I should be topped-up soon. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3959 I requested a patent. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3960 It's called a "balanced supplement" 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3961 Well, there are pluses and minuses... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3962 Type a doctor. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3963 My doctor was my frat bro at State. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3964 Doctor's orders. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3965 Just think of me as a really weird butterfly. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3966 You will not live on your smart phone. You will not live on your smart phone. You will not live on your smart phone...You... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3967 They're a little understaffed but I've got it covered. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3968 It translates my thoughts directly into blood type. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3969 Sorry to inform you madam, but you husband can no longer do the can can 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3970 The doctor told me that this will take care of me, for sure, if I have any suicidal thoughts. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3971 Just to be clear: there's no way I'm missing the Finals. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3972 The bad news-a cure isn't covered. The good news-I won't care. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3973 It was inspired by beer cans. Now I don't need to drag that pole around. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3974 My anesthesia options were to sleep, laugh, or bro it up. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3975 My beer tastes better this way ! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3976 I'm a two forearmed drinker. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3977 In with the good beer, out with the bad. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3978 There's a shortage of nurses, so I'm doing my own medication ! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3979 You just love yourself. Don't you? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3980 Uncle Drac sure is a stickler about recycling!! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3981 Bronze plans now require physical copays as well as monetary 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3982 They're in the same catheters I use for my beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3983 ...and your next attempt is when? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3984 Honey, can I please have a cup of cofee? I am so tiered of all this soda! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3985 What's your endgame? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3986 Seems like the left hemisphere doesn't know what the right hemisphere is doing. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3987 It's called 'Coronatherapy.' 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3988 You were right about that rock concert. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3989 I keep hearing the beat, beat, beat of the tom-toms! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3990 I insisted on beer in one, cola in the other. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3991 Doc said a couple of beers might actually do me some good. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3992 I promise to go to the meetings right after I finish these. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3993 This is way better than beer bong! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3994 Is Spring Break an actual field of study? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3995 I was told campus would be a safe space. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3996 I sell winos transfusions for money. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3997 It's medicinal. That's why it's called beer. From the Latin, "to feel better." 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3998 I THINK THEY'VE GIVEN ME THE GAY CONVERSION THERAPY BY MISTAKE. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
3999 They assured me it was a placebo controlled studied. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4000 Luckily, the frat house held a blood drive. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4001 Please pass my cigarettes. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4002 Rob, you eyeballs are not longer than mine. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4003 It's a psychological thing. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4004 Marge, why can't you be more supportive--it really is a clinical trial for college football tailgating withdrawal? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4005 When insurance doesn't cover IV stands... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4006 They put them there so I won't kick the can 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4007 The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4008 I rushed over as soon as I got your message. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4009 Double dosing on vitamin water isn't going to excuse you from the company picnic, Harold. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4010 Turns out my doctor's an old fraternity brother. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4011 I fail to see why they call that "sustainable!" 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4012 From now on I'll just stick with a martini. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4013 The new health care act. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4014 I lost my Obamacare insurance. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4015 Still pretending you're a runner, eh? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4016 I'm recovering from the assaults, but the batteries take a little longer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4017 Yes brain washing is covered in our health care plan. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4018 I'm glad I asked my doctor if IV IPA is right for me. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4019 They are trying to recycle my thoughts, perhaps the next rendition will be more pleasing to you. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4020 Honey, it's only preseason. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4021 Don't worry, it's only light beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4022 Isn't it worth it now that you can hear me so clearly? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4023 All I said was I wanted to be a cartoonist for the New Yorker which made the doctors figure I needed more blood pumping into my brain. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4024 Doc said the only way I'll make it to February is injecting Super Bowl intravenously. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4025 The nurses and doctors are on strike. Thank goodness at the plumber is still working. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4026 With Obamacare, I had Heineken. Under Trumpcare, I get PBR. "Something really, really wonderful?" My ass! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4027 Yes, hon, they guarantee that this new intravenous soda infusion will make me more bubbly. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4028 "The one that twitches first will dynamite that hemisphere, SAD! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4029 I know what you're thinking. I can hear every bitter, judgmental thought. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4030 Will you marry me? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4031 It lets me hear my upcoming demise in stereo. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4032 Fruity, earthy with peppery finish, I'm guessing Merlot. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4033 Somehow this isn't the exciting "beer chaser" experience I was looking for. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4034 Because it stops the shaking...that's why 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4035 Told ya. Coupla cold ones cures everything. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4036 They promised to stop it the moment before I overdose. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4037 The nurses say I can have two cans of beer per day. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4038 You heard the doctors, I'm only restricted from drinking alcohol while on my medication 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4039 Hope this doesn't go into sudden death 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4040 You never listen to me. . . 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4041 Because my chart says NPO. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4042 You knew when you married me that I was a two fisted drinker. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4043 If I pay the bill, they'll give me blood. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4044 " The doctors say my progress is staggering. " Submitted by Neil L. Sachs, Monmouth Junction, NJ 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4045 Binding time 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4046 The toilets flushing on the next floor keep me awake at night. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4047 Honey, the Perry's are coming over for dinner next Friday.... What should we serve them? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4048 Ready to launch ? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4049 Yeeeeeeahh guuuuuurl!!!!! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4050 It's my tummy, ma. They said I'll be on intravenous ginger ale for the rest of my life. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4051 They only pay for been now. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4052 They have rules against St. Bernards. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4053 No, I haven't gotten any further in the book that you gave me. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4054 But dear, the other can is lemonade. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4055 The Doctor said you needed to up your Bro quotient 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4056 You're just going to have to grin and beer it. There's coffee for later if you want it.... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4057 My eyesight has improved so much - I can see all the way to the passing of a healthcare bill since starting these Red Bull infusions... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4058 It's beer. They made me give up drinking! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4059 It's not a party unless you're doing a double blood draw! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4060 They don't want me drinking anything. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4061 Did I tell you my old frat roomie's a doctor now? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4062 This way I can heary own pulse. In stereo. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4063 Do not give me that look, it's half-caf! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4064 So when I told the doctor I kept hearing my pulse in my ears, he said, "Oh yeah? You wanna know what your pulse REALLY sounds like?" 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4065 This is my kind of two-drink minimum. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4066 I know, right...PARTY! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4067 The game's almost over 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4068 Red Bull got me here...Red Bull's gonna get me out. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4069 Health care is a witch hunt. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4070 By getting my beer intake intravenously, I can cheer non-stop at the ball game ! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4071 Don't Worry It's LITE. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4072 I wanna die as I lived... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4073 They had nothing but 3.2 but luckily, they found a 6.0 donor in the nick of time. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4074 Yeah, well I guess they get huge funding from the Coors Foundation. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4075 You might have considered a cranial chip implant in stead. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4076 The inpatient wing opened a micro brewery. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4077 After all the other failures, I'm embracing mindfulness. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4078 Beer muffs. The goggles just weren't doing it anymore. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4079 Thanks Obama... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4080 It's the only way the hospital will let me listen to the Stones. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4081 I can hear my blood. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4082 Do I look to much like a medical tourist? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4083 Well,,,for your information it's the only way I can have my bourbon and coke. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4084 Please don't call me Angel Wings anymore. It gives me the creeps. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4085 It's game seven, darling. I'm going. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4086 See, now I no longer have a drinking problem! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4087 I got a little carried away rooting for my "Health Care Team." 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4088 They're testing this new Shot In The Arm theory...! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4089 All this for ear wax and it's Medicare approved?? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4090 What part of "You're marring a Jets fan" didn't you understand? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4091 It gives me wifi too! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4092 The blood transfusion was a success. Unfortunately the donor was sober. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4093 Diagnosis was Obsessive Symmetry. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4094 Why do I still feel like I have a hang over? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4095 It's not what you think. It's actually near-beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4096 No, nobody laughed. Apparently they've never heard of Philip Treacy. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4097 Well, it's equally true there's no proof it has NO medicinal properties. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4098 And then it just came to me: Schlitz or Bud is a whole bunch cheaper than Vicodin. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4099 What? I was dehydrated. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4100 When a set of "new cans" couldn't save a marriage. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4101 Tailgate Rehab. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4102 I feel much safer with this lager drip instead of opioids. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4103 Lordy, I hope this works! You used it while resting post-Donald? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4104 The Doctor said I should be fine after about a keg. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4105 I'm getting in touch with my inner self. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4106 The imminent, “I told you so,” is only constant in Jim’s inventions these days. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4107 Yes--you are getting today's NYTimes. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4108 Yes it's beer, but it's all our insurance plan covers 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4109 I want to be that elephant in the room. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4110 The nurses call me Dumbo. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4111 My I.P.A. levels were too low. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4112 This IVA isn't as good as the last one. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4113 It's the only cancer treatment I could afford. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4114 Well, I'm in no pain--how about you? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4115 In case I die here, I want you to enjoy poking around in both my hemispheres. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4116 I'm just eliminating the middle man. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4117 Doctor says I have a 73% chance of pulling through the next NFL drinking season. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4118 That's it. I'm pulling the plug. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4119 Told you so. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4120 Have you considered a 12-Step Program? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4121 I used to drink like this when I went to baseball games, only it wasn't meds and it went straight into my mouth! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4122 Did they, or did they not, say I needed to stop drinking? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4123 Wouldn't it be easier to just change your mind? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4124 My doctor says it will cut my recovery time in half. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4125 It's Bud Lite. Same results but no excess calories. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4126 This beats chemo hands down. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4127 I don't approve of you taking part in this alcohol abuse study. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4128 Once and for all, I will try anything to rid myself of terrible headaches. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4129 Hey, it keeps me hopping . . . 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4130 This way the voices in my head can have a pulsating day and leave me alone! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4131 I like Trump's medical policy in theory......just not in practice. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4132 I need fuel so I can catch Pokemon 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4133 Yes, it's deifinitely A-B positive. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4134 "The best part is that Obamacare covers it as a preexisting condition.' 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4135 Is this an ISIS hospital? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4136 You'd think they'd have Arnold Palmers in a pre-mix, wouldn't you? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4137 They're medi-Beats. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4138 Did you really sign the consent for 'Garbage in. Garbage out'? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4139 Here's Big Ears, but wait, I have a better one. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4140 They're my iV phones. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4141 I told you, I just needed some vibe. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4142 IV me! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4143 The doctor said I can go home soon, but I have to leave the headgear. They have another party coming up this weekend. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4144 I'll need a case of nut brown ale in order to continue the treatment at home. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4145 I love it here at Phi Delt General! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4146 Sweetie, why couldn't you just switch to tomato soup? Your chicken noodle obsession has to stop. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4147 Well, you won't let me drink at home... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4148 They're monitoring my anxiety level after twelve recorded hours of congressional hearings. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4149 I told you this new administration was giving me a headache. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4150 No, it was the bronze plan... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4151 I think my nurse is a member of a fraternity. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4152 So, what your trying to say is, you didn't bring the fried jalapeno poppers? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4153 Who knew IV bags can be great noise-cancelling headsets? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4154 My hands aren't tiny. They're Yuge! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4155 I'm really keeping my fingers crossed on this hop-eration. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4156 Honey, I saw Mickey Mouse during my near death experience. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4157 The doctor went to a party school. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4158 Yeah, I donate two pints of the stuff every week. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4159 They've promised to help me kick this beer addiction. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4160 They're waiting to see if my insurance covers tech support. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4161 Medical malt liquor 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4162 They get it. The game's on. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4163 Doc calls the treatment 'heady' 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4164 I am testing my new wearable. It is the iBlood. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4165 Thanks for hooking me up with the beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4166 It's a new type of treatment. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4167 'Can't believe I'm missing Macy's sale right now'. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4168 Don't worry it's lite beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4169 So much for switching health care providers. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4170 Red Bull gives you wiiings. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4171 Well, the new healthcare program guidelines have assured me the beer will take the edge off but the bubbles give me the giggles. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4172 There trying to build up my lady arms. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4173 Uber's Board of Directors asks that you accept minor therapy before your return -- now, are you familiar with A Clockwork Orange? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4174 The psychiatrist said my feelings needed local anesthesia before we get started. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4175 Mom, I'm going to Bonnaroo! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4176 Cant feel a thing... 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4177 I told you they would do it. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4178 What? I thought beer is the best medicine! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4179 I'm not convinced that Trumpcare is an improvement Deloris 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4180 It blocks brain hackers. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4181 I'm getting much better reception 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4182 It blows my mind, but they tell me that canned music is therapeutic. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4183 There goes the neighborhood. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4184 "The doctor has determined that I actually DO hear the nagging 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4185 The biofeedback bomber is ready to strike! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4186 They say I can go home now. Well...? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4187 You always want me to find ways to work smarter, not harder. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4188 I do it this way when watching football. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4189 Late for beach ball caption but WTH: No, in this case size is just plain annoying, no matter how colorful! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4190 Thought I'd get a head start on Happy Hour. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4191 Please tell me you don't have two matches for these two patches. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4192 One of these controls my eyeglasses. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4193 My doctor-approved, intravenous beer device helps me cope with the discomfort of post-factual reality. Apparently, it's healthier than all the pills I was taking. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4194 The doctor wants me to get plenty of fluids. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4195 It keeps me from blowing my top! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4196 I'm a big fan of hydration. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4197 They say this medicine is dynamite. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4198 It was my idea. I did go to college, you know. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4199 Reducing the cost by using by my beer helmet 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4200 All I said was I was jonesing for a beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4201 I'm going to get this Coke Pepsi challenge thing right if it kills me. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4202 The doctors are trying everything to give me a real nose. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4203 I don't care if Apple says it's the wave of the future. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4204 Lightens the mood. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4205 This is what happens when there is no life guard on duty. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4206 Now I can consume alcohol while yelling at the TV during Packers games. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4207 Well, they did say I couldn't drink beer anymore. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4208 "Can you believe they want to send me to the Psych Ward"!? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4209 I'm not allowed to drink beer. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4210 The new administrations idea of progressive medical care. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4211 They're rebalancing my left brain with my right brain 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4212 Doctor says you'll need a New Coke. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4213 It's positive psychotherapy. I keep thinking I can, I can! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4214 I don't know exactly, but they call it a PopeyeV. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4215 It was developed by the Budweiser Medical Institute - why do you ask? 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4216 I found a way to enjoy a couple brews without drinking. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4217 Call the nurse. I'm almost out of juice. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4218 Doc says I should be able to use most of my season ticket seats. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4219 It's a comfort thing, I guess being well prepared might not be beneficial in the long run. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4220 This treatment will help restore my blood counts to normal. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4221 Exploding Head Syndrome is real, didn't I tell you! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4222 Sometimes technological advances come from the strangest places. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4223 Even through hard times you'll always have at least one person to have your back & make sure you're all good. You choose that person & never let go no matter the situation 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4224 It was either this, Martha, or beer goggles. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4225 But the doctor said Medicare would pay. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4226 Lighten up, it'll be back to a standard I.V. pole after the bowling team drops by. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4227 Heineken I.V. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4228 My internal signals are saying you're not my bae. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4229 We've switched you to diet soda for your own good. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4230 I'm Batman 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4231 I can hear myself healing. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4232 Basic Trumpcare coverage. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4233 Dr. J just dropped by to say the surgery went great. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4234 I'm about to blow my top 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4235 ... and I got this rad doctor with this gnarly 'tude, man! 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4236 Bring me another six-pack. 1.0385 0.03922 26 25 1 0
4237 No more strip clubs, I promise. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4238 Its a new protocol for clogged ears 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4239 Spring Break Hospital 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4240 I'm double-wristing. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4241 Yes dear, it is important to have our brains reprogrammed to affirm and praise what our president conveys. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4242 IV caffeine is the only thing that has worked on my migraines. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4243 I find it helps if I think of it as a sporting event. Go team chemo! 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4244 They double as ear buds. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4245 Honest, honey, they're just electro-Lites. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4246 Left brain, right brain. Both sides are fine, Henry. It's your hands you should be concerned with. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4247 You know, I think America's new medical system, will be way more effective than building some wall. 1.0370 0.03774 27 26 1 0
4248 I am not amused by your attire in the hospital 1.0357 0.03637 28 27 1 0
4249 'All I said was you had iced water in your veins. And private health care buys you "sparkling". 1.0357 0.03637 28 27 1 0
4250 I didn't get to see Ja Rule, but I did find this hat. 1.0357 0.03637 28 27 1 0
4251 So this is how they treat the coke heads? 1.0357 0.03637 28 27 1 0
4252 Don't worry; I brought the Charmin. 1.0357 0.03637 28 27 1 0
4253 The specialist said it's a left brain, right brain thing. On the right, an elevating 2013 Clos de la Roche Pinot and on the left, a stultifying 1970 Bartles & Jaymes. 1.0357 0.03637 28 27 1 0
4254 Can you get the nurse to get an I V rack in here? I've got a real headache! 1.0345 0.03509 29 28 1 0
4255 They prescribed me the new Beats by Dre 1.0345 0.03509 29 28 1 0
4256 What's wrong, Martha? You haven't heard of MindBody medicine? 1.0345 0.03509 29 28 1 0
4257 My nurse is a big fan of NASCAR! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4258 The doctors say I CAN get well..... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4259 The doctor gave me high-five. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4260 Its a Hi-C drip 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4261 Shaken, not stirred? 1.0000 0.04256 24 24 0 0
4262 LeSueur peas or mixed vegetables? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4263 I really hope they can cure your case of evil eye syndrome! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4264 It's called a Thorazine bong. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4265 Honey, it's covfefe for the brain. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4266 Doc said "polyphonic arrhythmia." 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4267 You're so vein. 1.0000 0.04256 24 24 0 0
4268 They tell me some rich guy is financing this test treatment for small hands. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4269 I can feel my beer senses kicking in now. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4270 Just trying to keep my alcohol swabs moist. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4271 Make sure this treatment is covered. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4272 I keep telling you Janet. I can't help how I look or how I act. My DNA matches me too closely to Picasso. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4273 Have to say, the doc has me all wired up. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4274 It's more affordable this way. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4275 Honey, enough with all the lectures from these medical people about how to avoid another heart attack! This beta blocker bong is just another one of the doctor's head games! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4276 It was Nurse Appreciation Day at the ballpark. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4277 They said it's a new "ballpark-based" protocol. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4278 Not to worry. They're lo-carb. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4279 I'm somewhere between AC and DC. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4280 I hear the anesthesiologist uses a lampshade. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4281 They insisted that it be taken intravenously. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4282 I know things got a bit out of hand at the office party, but I'm just trying to avoid a hangover. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4283 I was enjoying a wonderful bowel movement... and the next thing I knew, here I was in this hospital bed. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4284 Well Margaret, you'd be surprised how tiresome drinking your own pee can become. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4285 I can see you don't like my new invention for the after-five IV drip system, but it's going to make you a rich widow. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4286 The doctor said this is the worst case of recycling mania she's ever seen 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4287 Their stuff is probably better than that homebrew, you know. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4288 On this date in 1977, Larry Cannon first combined his love for his beer helmets with his habit of self-medicating. His wife was not amused. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4289 At five they switch me over to an IPA 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4290 The I.V. pole was extra 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4291 They call it Beer Goggles 2.0 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4292 You're not going to believe this, but intravenous beer is known to be the best medicine for my particular condition. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4293 With any luck at all they will fix your hearing so you listen to me. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4294 Clinical trials for a new, portable IV technology have been inconclusive. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4295 Get over it; this is just a placebo. Just like the nurse in the cocktail party outfit. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4296 I drink to forget - so this makes sure I keep drinking. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4297 I knew I should have been worried when my Doctor had a fraternity shirt on! 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4298 My new treatment is sponsored by Monster Energy Drink ! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4299 Gosh, that doctor was friendly but he seemed to have an odd sense of humor. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4300 It helps me grow a moustache on my penis 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4301 Attaching them to my arms was less painful than the alternative. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4302 Turns out, my old frat brother is a doctor. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4303 Son, I knew you were drinking the Kool-Aid, but this is a bit much. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4304 What -- too soon? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4305 They didn't have any koozies 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4306 They told me "Saline Solution" is an imported Italian beer so I stopped struggling and let them stick those things into me. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4307 Well, I suppose I can give the new "'Murrican Health Care Plan" a chance . . . 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4308 No, it's not beer, it's a saline solution. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4309 I love beer, it's in my blood! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4310 Care-giver's comments: crony, capitalistic, curmudgeonly, cognoscente couple's claim and chicanery. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4311 Wow! These think tanks are actually working. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4312 The doctor wanted to put me on a Demerol drip but I figured this would be cheaper. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4313 It's the tratment for all head cases under the new health care plan. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4314 Hospital decided a corporate partnership with Budweiser might be prudent. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4315 The oncologist and I belonged to the same fraternity 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4316 Pilsner and Porter. You got a problem? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4317 It is not like your face-lift. I'm getting a younger brain. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4318 Would it help if I said its the King of Beers? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4319 YES DEAR, THIS IS COVERED BY OBAMACARE 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4320 I can't tell if you're coming or going. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4321 It's the latest technology. I feel better already! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4322 Under the new Affordable Care Act, apparently this is what you get when the doctor orders a transfusion. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4323 Hospital cutbacks. But as an unexpected side effect, I now have excellent posture. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4324 Regular or de-caf? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4325 For the tenth time, the doctor told me you could take those off if you wanted to hear me. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4326 They hope to find your moral compass in there 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4327 It's the latest trend in face augmentation. It's called eyeball plumping! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4328 The moment you realize you should have swiped left. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4329 I already had the apparatus. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4330 My heart's much better, but something's off with my liver. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4331 It's Schaefer . . .for when you're having more than one. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4332 Let's just call it what it is. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4333 You can't just not like anything. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4334 It's your own fault for telling the surgeon, "Can do!" 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4335 The good news is that its low-cal. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4336 It's experimental. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4337 Dr.Frankenstein says it will make a new man out of me. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4338 I know, you warned me not to merge craft brewing with big pharma 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4339 It's the doctor versus my hernia, should be a great game. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4340 Sterile steroids in sterio 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4341 Let's try organic. Bring sea shells next time. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4342 A few more pints and I'll be unstable. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4343 Don't worry, it's only light beer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4344 I'm functioning at my best. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4345 I don't like coffee. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4346 They're making great strides in miniaturization! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4347 Just pretend you're tailgating. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4348 Darling, you've never looked as beautiful as you do tonight. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4349 The benefit to this treatment of my blocked carotid arteries is that I can't hear you Mom. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4350 Then why are you is in the bed? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4351 Beer is my life. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4352 As long as it's not Obamacare I don't mind. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4353 Well, how do YOU 'Dew? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4354 Apparently, Joan, the blood brain barrier is a real thing. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4355 I'll have to wear it for a year. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4356 The new millenium way of passive resistance. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4357 From past clinical trials, the results are very promising. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4358 That's what the doctor said, Bud Light IV is the best I can get with my Bronze insurance plan. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4359 Did you check with our insurance company to make sure that beer-hat treatment is a covered expense? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4360 Gravity feed... cost savings benefit of Healthcare Reform Act 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4361 this warms me up for dialysis later 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4362 It's the ACA....don't ask. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4363 It's the newest beer type. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4364 "Next week, 'Kegs' ". 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4365 The doctor can't decide whether its twins or double vision. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4366 Someone keeps stealing my catheter and urine bag. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4367 . . . and this one is "the butterfly". Next, I can do "donkey's ears". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4368 Actually they don't consider it experimental at all. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4369 It's a clinical trial for fantasy football addiction. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4370 Really Henry.. An emergency Beer - Fusion is not going to get me here any faster. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4371 How's that Virtual Reality working for you? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4372 Uh, what's the score again? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4373 The Beer/Brain drip is a great post-op treatment. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4374 May be Bob Mueller should look in to this! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4375 Are you sure it was Dr. Dre who sold you those? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4376 Well, 'staying woke' has its drawbacks, Cheryl... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4377 They said if part of a balanced intake, beer is fine. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4378 This cheap biofeedback mechanism is for the birds. Cheep. Cheep. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4379 They said the pain will definitely stop. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4380 Oh yes, I can definitely hear you better this way.. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4381 I told you I needed more coffee. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4382 Good news! This hospital accepts bitcoin. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4383 Mom, I swear, the bill is included in tuition. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4384 Mother told me you would end up like this. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4385 I liked your real ears better. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4386 It's a new way to give you two IV's 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4387 Our ward is going to have a toga party. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4388 You know I need my beer. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4389 Recycling Clinic. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4390 I may look like beer, but it feels like I haven't met you yet. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4391 Soup cans would have been less expensive! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4392 J - E - T - S, Jets! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4393 I told them I can't unbutton and pee with a single hand. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4394 The technical support is excellent. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4395 I feel like a recycle plant. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4396 Does insurance cover this? It was much simpler in college; we just drank this stuff. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4397 I told them I'm covered under Bannon-Care. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4398 They are replacing opioids with beer. Something about taxation and social acceptability. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4399 Nah, I'm still brain dead. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4400 They say I am mentally imbalanced. I can't get beer off my mind. It's in my blood. Drip, drip, drip... You know what I mean, right? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4401 The hospital is economizing, in light of health care funds in the president's budget........ 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4402 Two subdural Trumpotomas?" "No wonder the nightmares! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4403 My head's about to explode! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4404 And then I said "Oh yeah?" 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4405 Gotta support the team. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4406 Never thought Tinnitus would be a fond memory. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4407 I think you should check my prescription, this doesn't seem very professional. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4408 Treatment recommended for stage fright. They’re drawing out my butterflies. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4409 Doc says they've done all they can. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4410 He said to chug two and bro-down in the morning. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4411 The cardiologist recommended this caffeine patch to reduce my bean intake. The right is 500 mL of expresso macchiato and the left is 500 mL iced cafe mocha. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4412 No idea. And I also don't know why the surgeon kept calling me 'Rabbi.' 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4413 I'm fully recharged. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4414 Don't worry, Darling. It is called Dynamite Therapy 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4415 When I was a conductor they knew instinctively what to do. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4416 it's like a beer-bong on steroids, and it's covered in my plan! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4417 You said you were going to spend the summer, "mainlining the complete works of James Joyce," so I thought..... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4418 Reinventing Obamacare has got to start somewhere. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4419 Look, I know it looks bad,... but beer is sooo good! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4420 You always were a two-fisted drinker! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4421 The doctor is an old fraternity brother of mine and said this treatment will get me back to being my old self. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4422 Dr. Starbuck's orders. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4423 I'm sorry dear, but the guys said this is the most efficient way to pre-game 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4424 Since they found me in a beer helmet, I thought it was a nice touch. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4425 Yeah, for life I got phone, TV and Internet - for one low price. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4426 Tough mind - tough body 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4427 Since when does feeling younger get frowned upon? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4428 The doctor prescribed The Hair of the Dog! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4429 What a coincidence. Apparently my doctor is a Sigma Chi too. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4430 They're playing STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4431 If the Popeye 2.0 works, I'm signing up for the J.Lo Special! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4432 I used to get a lot more when the cans were upside down. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4433 How 'bout them Yankees? Think they'll go all the way this year? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4434 I thought having my ears removed would be enough. But just seeing you makes hear you again. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4435 He said: "don't move!" 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4436 I am sorry darling but you needed a transfusion above your ears. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4437 They fixed me so I can 'ear everything again. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4438 I only agreed when the twinkle in their eyes told me that mine wouldn't be the placebo. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4439 They said I couldn't drink beer but it turns out there's no rule about IV beer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4440 Can you hear me now? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4441 it's the latest thing,do-it-yourself blood pressure monitoring in stereo. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4442 It's just like going to the ball game, and without having to fiddle with a straw. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4443 Hope my insurance covers tailgating. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4444 The doctors says it's all in your head. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4445 Got a discount because I was wearing mine when they brought me in, thank you very much. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4446 If I get another apple sauce, I'm going to blow my top! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4447 Well, they said I shouldn't drink any alcohol. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4448 Don't just drown your sorrows...drown out the noise!! With the new Intravenous-Beer-Couple's-Therapy-Spa! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4449 It's just a minor case of right brain drain. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4450 I'm literally a headcase. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4451 They're taking the beer out of my blood and putting it back where it belongs. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4452 But Honey, we're saving $89.95 a day by not using an IV stand. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4453 Mind you, power of the personalized medicine will blow your mind. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4454 What? I have to celebrate my good health somehow! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4455 No complaints, except the drip keeps me awake. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4456 You should what they hooked up to my catheter... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4457 Okay, it's no more mustard and ketchup on every meal... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4458 Yes, honey. You have a co-pay on that too. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4459 Alpha Beta till the end! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4460 The beauty of it is that it keeps me mobile for my twice daily interpretive dance routine breaks. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4461 It’s Miller time. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4462 Just thought it was a more convenient delivery method than the old baseball cap beer can holder. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4463 It's called a "microbiological brew". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4464 Apparently, Dr. Jones got a deal on Shark Tank. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4465 I'm asserting Executive Privilege! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4466 You don't think I have elephantiasis? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4467 The doc said this would help me be able to watch the news. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4468 The doc says it’ll restore the balance of my right brain creativity with my left brain logic. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4469 If I remember correctly I can't live without my soda pop cans! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4470 Doctor said I'd die if I kept drinking. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4471 Well, I don't want the old liver to atrophy now, Helen; beer pong season starts in three weeks. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4472 IPA has healing properties. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4473 I nearly didn't make it Jane. Two weeks abroad without an IPA! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4474 They didn't have a charger. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4475 This new "pop treatment" really works. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4476 Just take it off and they'll let you go. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4477 It's to stop me scratching it - one move and my head will explode, they said. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4478 It replaces Obamacare. I don't feel good about this, but I thought it would be worse. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4479 It's the best they can do with our Caronacare coverage. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4480 No, I don't think this is an example of double loop feedback. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4481 "I have anchor management issues" should have won the last one! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4482 Tommy can you beer me? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4483 It fixed my beer belly but they still can't figure out the tingly ears. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4484 Now I can go to the game! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4485 I'm not allowed anything by mouth. Thank god for late night infomercials! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4486 It's so comforting my fraternity brother's in charge. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4487 I think I remember Dr. Howard now from Delta Lambda Phi. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4488 Technically . . . it's not drinking. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4489 "'I was hoping that these things are beer cans but possibly that may be the next step". 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4490 My doctor is one of my old frat brothers. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4491 I already told you - all the better to hear you with... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4492 This is the Sport model for the active man 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4493 Yes, I do think saving half the copay by bringing our own cans of blood is worth it. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4494 And to top it off, I got canned today. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4495 But honey, my doctor says hair of the dog really works. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4496 What are you thinking Sam? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4497 Thank God I've got the foley! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4498 He's even better at doctoring than he was at hazing. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4499 Do you think this be covered under 'Trumpcare' too? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4500 Another intern again this morning? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4501 "Mom says I married a 12 year-old. I'm thinking I married a BOOZY 12 year-old. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4502 These tubes are really restricting my pity-seeking selfie taking ability. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4503 It's what got me through college. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4504 It's Game 7. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4505 I'm being deprogrammed. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4506 The halftime score is MRSA 10, antibiotics 7. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4507 Preparation H I V. President Trump's explanation for his small hands 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4508 I'm testing the efficacy of mindfulness. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4509 I'm too weak to take a selfie. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4510 Why yes, the liver donor was a Jets fan. How did you know? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4511 I tried using the IV to quit drinking, but it was all in vein. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4512 Don't worry dear,this beer life support system seems to be working. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4513 They said I need to increase my liquid intake. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4514 Actually, they need the bed. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4515 Reunion anxiety's a bitch. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4516 If all else fails they will keep my head afloat. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4517 I'm to push the call button if I hear the beating stop. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4518 Honey, next come you come could you please bring my tin foil hat 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4519 My mother warned me about girls like you. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4520 My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4521 It does help my headaches. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4522 'I think you're being very suppressive, Judy.' 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4523 Who wouldn't enjoy some top flight plasma while watching a game? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4524 They say I'll have to miss our fantasy draft. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4525 Gotta love those sports injuries. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4526 They ran out of IV poles. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4527 I've had worse interventions. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4528 OK you were right: A decent nose job costs more than $150 bucks. Ugh! And the "free anesthetic" is no prize either. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4529 Beer wings. Beer wings! Never heard of them? Great symmetry, don't you think? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4530 Aparently a little "hair of the dog" is the best cure for alcohol poisoning. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4531 Do it yourself medicine is the New Federal Health Care Plan. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4532 Look! No hands! Honey. . .um 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4533 Apparently Congress thinks blood is overrated. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4534 Stan this is ridiculous! Our son was joking when he said u would get a faster and longer buzz chugging it that way. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4535 I am connecting my electrolytes 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4536 I'm still nauseous but my ear-forearm coordination is much improved. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4537 It was cheaper than a kidney transplant. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4538 You never said don't drip. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4539 So, this is what today's kids listen to? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4540 I only ordered one juice but then this happened. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4541 I have never felt this connected 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4542 Fortunately, the treatment is two cans of beer daily, administered intravenously 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4543 Even on his deathbed, George never forgot his fraternity days. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4544 Apart from anything else, it's downright insulting to me--having earlids installed. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4545 I'm telling you, Margaret, Ponce de León would have absolutely died for this. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4546 Besides this, how's your day? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4547 That last basketball game was too much for him. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4548 THEY SAY I'VE GOT STEREOITIS 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4549 Don't talk, I'm listening to the sound of life. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4550 It's called liquid diet Mom 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4551 Why the look?" The doctor said drinking beer is what inflamed my ulcer in the first place. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4552 Tequila. And a staple gun. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4553 Don't breathe a word of this to the FBI, but I SWEAR I've heard Radio Moscow on these things. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4554 Dr. Simmons and I were in the same fraternity in college. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4555 Worker's comp is Happy Hour. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4556 The bad news is the heart is beating too fast and the blood is flowing too slow. The good news is the Cubs are winning 4 to 2. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4557 We really do need to look for a better plan soon. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4558 Beer bong? No dear, wrong. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4559 I simply asked to be connected to Youtube. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4560 Would you like to try? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4561 Just looking at your face, makes me want to barf. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4562 Cuts to Medicare have forced the Hospital to limit its supply of IV poles. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4563 3, 2, 1....and there goes the buzzer on visiting hours. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4564 My doctor says he got this idea from a college fraternity brother. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4565 There saying it's an illusion transfusion. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4566 Now tell your brain I want a wave when I leave. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4567 They prescribed intravenous beer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4568 What? It"s craftmatic beer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4569 ... but what really matters, is that they make pèndent...! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4570 I am trying to explain the concept of circular reasoning to the medical staff. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4571 Honestly honey, the doctor said you would be as good as new in 10 years. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4572 Husband: "Put on the game, and IV me." Wife: "'The Playoffs' is NOT a medical condition!" 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4573 Thanks for coming in, Thelma. That first $100 was for the doctor. Now I need another for the night nurse. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4574 Hospital responds to cutbacks: B.Y.O.I.V 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4575 This recycling has really cut down on my expenses for alcohol. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4576 This blood's for you. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4577 You should see where they put the vodka chaser! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4578 Now Honey, my oncologist assured me that the fastest vehicle for my bladder tumor meds is guzzler head gear and two beers. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4579 Well, doc did prescribe nitroglycerin. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4580 This is not breaking my promise. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4581 They say that we need to put our hands on a glowing globe. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4582 One added benefit is that I don't have to listen to you complain. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4583 The plasma donor was Gamma Epsilon. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4584 The nurses are rooting for me too. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4585 They're re-purposing my brain. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4586 So great to hear the new arteries in STEREO ! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4587 It blows my mind that you want a divorce! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4588 Look at it this way, if he's impeached you can take them out sooner. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4589 IV fluid is IV fluid Babe ! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4590 The doctors and nurses say it's all mind over matter. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4591 Chemo can be fun, too. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4592 It's called drunk care. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4593 Don't worry - it's just ketchup! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4594 I heard the nurses talking, the new intern is from Baylor. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4595 Apparently it's an auto-immune disease. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4596 You know, you can learn a lot by not listening to the news. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4597 "What is it, two for one happy hour? 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4598 It's called beer-brain bypass. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4599 I think Dr. Frankenstein is playing head games with me again. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4600 Well dear, impressive but not too subtle! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4601 See? Redbull does give you wings! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4602 Actually, it's a HOPSital, and I'm okay going out of pocket for it. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4603 They ran out of I V stands, so Dr. MacGuyver came up with this contraption. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4604 The next round of treatments are shots. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4605 I feel like my head is about to explode. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4606 It's called radial humeral feedback, to teach me not to clench my fists when I hear about another tweet. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4607 Far out! They're trying a balanced news input. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4608 OMG take this off and give me my amnesia back! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4609 I was told: If it hurts-nod". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4610 The nurse will be here soon with my nacho cheese enema. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4611 Proof that hands are the most difficult part of the body to draw 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4612 It's called the Trump Treatment. It takes ego from my head and feeds it into my tiny hands to make them grow larger. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4613 Next, scratch the itch under my chin. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4614 The counsellor was right about plastic surgery. These implants make me feel fantastic and you look as beautiful to me as the day we first met. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4615 I've always believed in the power of positive thinking. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4616 The music is still in me, I am just at a loss for words. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4617 These sports medicine hospitals sure have their own way of doing things. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4618 Yes, I know, Frank... but we had to do something to make you stop thinking of my mother in that way. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4619 Honey, I am gaining energy with the new IV's that they inserted in my arms! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4620 The hangover would kill me. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4621 It's chin up or toe-tag. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4622 Would you like anything else beside the two grande iced vanilla lattes? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4623 Don't worry honey, it's just a clinical experiment to determine the limit of the Blood-Beer-Barrier, or the Beer-Brain-Barrier.......one of those........ I think..... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4624 Can we talk? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4625 I still think Obamacare is amazing 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4626 It’s morphine. I’m a Mets fan. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4627 Well honey, The doctor said I'd be okay. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4628 I think I may need to get a second opinion. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4629 The new Beereats from Dr. Dre 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4630 All I did was tell a nurse she reminded me of Catch- 22 and I woke up like this. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4631 Look honey, no hands! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4632 Who says Obamacare doesn't work 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4633 This procedure is proven to delete memory of: "This is Rachel from credit card services." 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4634 Darling you look scepticalbut I truly believe that beer is the answer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4635 Gotta love this concierge medicine. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4636 Well, at least our premiums are lower. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4637 There are other less dramatic treatments for migraines 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4638 I hope they install the kiss cam next. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4639 This way it will Coors through my veins. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4640 Its called a Closed Loop IV, as to not waste anything. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4641 Apparently my barley level was too low. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4642 The therapy is working I'm down to two beers a day. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4643 It's for the TV reception 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4644 I only go big or go home. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4645 Fetch me a six-pack 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4646 . . . and each container is also adaptable for Lite beer. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4647 Sorry, I've already donated the Super Bowl tickets to charity. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4648 If it makes your hands get larger, I'll try it also. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4649 The doctor said 'Think positively! ' , 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4650 I'm donating blood to myself. This way I don't have to pay for it. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4651 They had a buy one get one free sale. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4652 I'm in the trial phase for fraternity brothers. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4653 I Want "Stairway To Heaven" played at my funeral. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4654 It's my own medical plan: Obrewma Care 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4655 You're the bomb, Harold. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4656 Inebriation is the best medicine. It makes no demands. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4657 My tinnitus blocks you out. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4658 Fuck you mom. Get out of my room. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4659 It's an experimental treatment to see if you renew Jets season tickets on an opioid drip. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4660 And the suppositories he gave me looked like beer nuts. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4661 Only 53 calories each AND gluten free! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4662 We can definitely go shopping next weekend. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4663 Sadly, the morphine helmet may not be covered under Trumpcare. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4664 They ran out of IV poles. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4665 My brain cells were reproducing at an alarming rate, but the lite beer is working wonders. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4666 The doctors are hopeful we will find a foam finger donor before fall. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4667 It's worth it if we can get free cable. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4668 It is not like I am an alcoholic. It is just diet coke. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4669 What I asked for was "canned beer" 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4670 The doctor says it's just precautionary but it seems small hands syndrome has beeen designated a pre-existing condition. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4671 Gene therapy is about being a good listener. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4672 They tell me I have a severe beer deficiency. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4673 They said I'll be good as new for the second half. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4674 Because they ran out of fluted stem ware... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4675 It's designed to relieve my headaches induced by your nagging. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4676 It's Meatless Monday. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4677 They're earphone IV's, of course. Amazing percussion. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4678 At Mar-a-Lago we prefer the most biggest balls. (this kindly replaces my earlier entry - only one! - i hit "submit" without wit) 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4679 I just want you to know that I still love you, but I think you have a drinking problem. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4680 My insurance might not cover double dipping. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4681 Dear, I do say you look a bit tapped out. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4682 You're the one who said you'd die for more sex, so why am I the one stuck in this place with a five hour erection? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4683 I ,am in another "world" my world is jump to the music. or good bye. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4684 I said "intervention," not intravenous. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4685 I'm trying to improve my muscle memory. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4686 I'm not sure if hearing a heartbeat in stereo adds much to the mono version. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4687 Ok, I'm now all-in on Trumpcare. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4688 I'm getting ready for my beerless surgery 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4689 An amazing thing--it's like they pick up on the music in my soul, and best of all, insurance covers them. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4690 Want to play hospital beer pong? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4691 With all the political noise, I needed a brain drain and TV abstinence. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4692 No, really insurance covers this 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4693 What's score now? 1.0000 0.04256 24 24 0 0
4694 I think visiting hours end at kickoff. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4695 I'm testing out the cost cutting measures for the new Republican health plan! 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4696 Things go better with Coke. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4697 What's in your wallet? ["your" should be ital] 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4698 Well if everyone else is rooting for me... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4699 It's supposed to make my eyes recede and my hands bigger. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4700 The doctor told me you have two days left. Do you want me to tell him you don't want anymore tomato soup or do you want to switch brands? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4701 Double-double IPAs beat single HMOs. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4702 I'm prepping for Sunday Night Football 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4703 When we get home, you'll have to change out the tomato juice cans. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4704 Please as the nurse for my chaser. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4705 It's like organic music. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4706 Now that just stupid! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4707 It's a new contraption for stabilizing my brain waves; when I breathe slowly and calmly, my brain waves relax. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4708 Okay, mom, I admit it. If I weren't wearing headphones, I would have heard the bus that hit me. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4709 How in the hell did ISIS get beyond security? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4710 I told you we didn't need insurance. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4711 Honey, I appreciate your can do attitude, but if the Doctor says the cans on your head don't do anything, we really listen. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4712 Learned this trick from my IV league frat brothers. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4713 It's OK...My body has a mind of its own. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4714 I've never seen you turn down a buy one get one free offer. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4715 The aversion therapy isn't working ... I still want the coffee ... 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4716 Not only that, but they block out your voice. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4717 They'll blow your mind. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4718 I can't help noticing that there's no TV in here, and it's on the wrong channel. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4719 This "Billy Carter Treatment" comes highly recommended!! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4720 They call it a Boilermaker. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4721 Sarah thought her air balloon trip might end in drowning, but she didn't predict that no one would notice. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4722 Premium aside, this high-risk pool is pretty great. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4723 The doctor said the cure would blow my mind. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4724 It's the secret McConnell-Ryan Sleight-of-Hand Procedure: the Right removes what the Left provides. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4725 Thank God you're here! I'm not supposed to think anything sexual." 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4726 The side effects are a slight buzz and a brain freeze. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4727 Join me for a couple of brews . 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4728 I know what you're thinking, but it's addicting. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4729 Who'd have thought my surgeon would be another Signa Chi? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4730 Who are you, again? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4731 I'm obviously not in the VIP suite, I asked for orange slices to go with the Blue Moon two hours ago. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4732 Yeah, but Bob thought it was a good idea. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4733 It's a beer transfusion. Beer brings cheer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4734 It's the only headset they could find. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4735 Beer me, sweetheart! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4736 positively reinforced 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4737 Look mom..like, no hands! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4738 They said it was popular for Youth in Asia. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4739 Alive! Alive! I'm alive! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4740 One more operation to finish the wings, then we can get the hell out of this chrysalis. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4741 Usefulness is an understatement, honey. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4742 When I asked for both sweet and dry vermouth they gave me a funny look. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4743 I'm pledging ABO. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4744 No, he said, "Brace yourself for a speedy recovery" and then left. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4745 "He'll fix healthcare," you said. Where's that nurse? I need another can of plasma! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4746 My insurance didn't cover the medical cart, we got the sports package! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4747 I said I wanted 'Bud' antlers, but the bartender heard 'blood'. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4748 It was either this or the giant #1 foam finger. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4749 I don't even have to call him in the morning! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4750 No it's not all beer. The one on the left is fill with wine. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4751 the earth is shaped like a cig you dumb bitch 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4752 Much more efficient this way. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4753 Don't let me drunk-buzz the nurse. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4754 They said they were out of bottled and I could only have draft. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4755 Doc thought a couple of brewskies might help. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4756 Starbucks offered an all-inclusive hospital sponsorship if I post to Instagram. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4757 Doc says it will help me reduce stress. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4758 I just needed coffee. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4759 It uses biometric feedback until I can come up with something that isn't classified as a pre-existing condition. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4760 They said I would be released twice as fast. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4761 No, I feel terrible, but the doctors swear my Fitbit will never need charging again. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4762 Yes Sam you said you'd "stop drinking" but this seems like a very odd and I might say expensive solution. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4763 Just in time for the "doubleheader" season! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4764 All I can hear is my blood lapping on the shore. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4765 Did you bring the cooler? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4766 I no longer have to use my eyes or hands to surf the Web. If I allow them to monitor my brain pleasure center, I can remain connected the the mano-sphere all the time. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4767 I just wanted my blood to have an out-of-body experience 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4768 It's my own invention - I haven't shown the doctor yet. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4769 I'm not exaggerating, I feel like my head's going to explode. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4770 It's ok honey, "It's over the counter medication." 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4771 It's the mobile app. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4772 It's the only way Redbull would give me wings... 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4773 When I told you to be more creative in life, this is not what I meant. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4774 It's supposed to help with the withdrawal. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4775 Gastric bypass surgery 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4776 Republicans. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4777 Just think of them as a BOGO. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4778 I know you don't like my old frat brothers, but it's really making me feel better. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4779 I can't get my mind off my condition. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4780 Yes of course the coffee is argh-anic! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4781 So you're getting your batteries charged for us, dear. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4782 They said it was a brain bong. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4783 I say the hell with doctor's orders on beer. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4784 I knew something like this might happen when my insurance provider bought that baseball team! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4785 This procedure allows me to eliminate the middle man! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4786 The doctor explains it as 'IPA input for IP outcome.' 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4787 Although this will curtail cuddling, I'm told other activities should not be effected. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4788 My shrink wanted me to blend my scitistic and artific sides or maybe it was my crea-log-it-icky-spheres. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4789 They say it's the best way to treat beer pong addiction. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4790 As drug subsidies removed in AHCA, patients forced to explore alternatives for palliative care. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4791 It reminds me of college. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4792 ...and TWINS!!! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4793 its purely for medicinal purposes. They want me to stay well carbo-hydrated.... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4794 I swear it was the doctor's idea. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4795 That's right. Earbuds, drugs, and rock and roll. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4796 See, I told you this hat would be useful some day! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4797 But it's a light beer. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4798 AHCA. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4799 Integrative Tailgating. Its a thing. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4800 at least i don't have to hear my mother talking... 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4801 When my medication finishes we can do the "Wave". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4802 See Phil, you're not a genius. Are you sure Linda? Me=IV2 (squared) 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4803 It's an IPA IV. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4804 It's alternative medicine. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4805 From IVs to the D.T.'s, and I won't have to get out of bed once! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4806 Thanks for popping in 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4807 My AMA is Against Medical Advice. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4808 It's a new form of recharging - no receptacle required! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4809 It's much easier to go to the bathroom this way. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4810 I will never again allow alcohol to pass my lips. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4811 And I pee through a catheter. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4812 It's called Obsessive Recycling. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4813 " The doctor wanted me to become high-drated". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4814 The can on the left is my reserve supply. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4815 The perfect pour... my Doctor is an Irishman. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4816 This hospital is good at self-remedy. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4817 After firing all the doctors I realized that nobody knew how complicated being a doctor is. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4818 They said I should pop the pills. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4819 Something about stabilizing my equilibrium. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4820 I'm being transferred to Gen Med for the #partychallenge. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4821 Alt-rehab -- an explosion of sound. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4822 when they said that Red Bull makes you fly, I wasn't thinking of Dumbo's ears... 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4823 I've got two free hands to FUCK with. Ah? AH? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4824 I know I can be aggravating, but really George, this is going too far ! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4825 I'll be back at work any day with this fibromyalgia workaround, promise 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4826 'You only live once', they say! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4827 They got me hooked up to these cords because of my soda addiction. Help me please. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4828 All they said was I should not DRINK coffee 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4829 The Brew Crew hooked you up? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4830 It's Trumpcare. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4831 Would you like it if I handed you a cold glass of beer? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4832 They also have a hockey fan version that somehow involves a live octopus. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4833 It’s the new IV technique for patient mobility and ease of caregiver workload. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4834 Just a couple pills , and I'm all set for Star War's audition.... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4835 The landscaper wants the tree trimmer to call the gutter cleaner. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4836 Have a head holiday! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4837 I told you that sooner or later you'll breakdown and join AAA 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4838 I've only just started stage 2 of my Chicago Bears detox. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4839 The best part is I can't hear anything with these bottles strapped to my head. What were you saying about our discount insurance plan, dear? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4840 It's the "Good Old Days" therapy. I listen to Lucy piped in 12 hours a day. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4841 All my electrolytes plus rich treble and bass. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4842 Mom, I promise this is the last time I'll be in here for doing coke 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4843 They tell me this is our best method of communication. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4844 Well, it's no Obamacare. That's for sure. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4845 He says"What Do You Want?????????? She answers "Really now, You know what I want! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4846 Either treat me better, or I will ignite both bombs. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4847 I hope Siri doesn't tell my cardiologist about last week's wing-eating contest 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4848 I told you government has no business in our healthcare, do you have to be so dramatic ? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4849 This new treatment regime is pure dynamite. I can hardly wait to get back to my old Xbox games! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4850 All I have to do to hear you better is raise my hands. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4851 Albert, this monitoring your inner narrative may have gone too far. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4852 Don't you know that morphine is dangerous?! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4853 Nil by mouth. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4854 I think it's time to start paying for our own cable television. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4855 Doctor says you can move your arms using this device but I am against the doctor's medical advice. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4856 It's not a drinking problem - it's dialysis. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4857 well I am going to tell the doctor about your beer addiction if you won't! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4858 Remember, switch the cans every 2 minutes. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4859 And you told me it was a foolish buy! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4860 What beer cans? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4861 The bronze plan only covers "CAN SCANS" 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4862 But it's craft beer. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4863 "Gives a whole new meaning to 'intravenous'". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4864 It's the latest in patient's rights. I have the final say over what goes into my body. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4865 Doc Carter says my bilirubin count is low, so... 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4866 The doctor has limited me to two cans of Bud a day. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4867 The doctor ran out of Oxi prescriptions. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4868 You're disgusted but the woman that I married would be inspired. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4869 He said his name was Picasso. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4870 I'm avoiding left brain-right brain short circuits. 1.0000 0.04256 24 24 0 0
4871 This is the latest in blood collecting technology. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4872 Honey, don't worry. It's the 4th of July special treatment. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4873 You said you wanted me to stop DRINKING! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4874 Honey, I've got such a headache! 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4875 One is for beer and the other for ale. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4876 Doc says that silence may increase cell growth in the hippocampus and may help my dementia. Don't speak; I think it's working. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4877 It seems to be a kind of Chinese water torture, but in stereo. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4878 Who wants to drink insulin, anyway? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4879 Don't look at me with those eyes. These beer transfusions were YOUR idea. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4880 It's an automatic sheep counter that will put me to sleep. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4881 MY LAWYERS A CROOK, AND MY DOCTOR A QUACK,STILL DIDNT GET A SETTLEMENT FOR MY BACK...... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4882 Oh, for Pete's sake! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4883 "Doctors listened to my 'Beer Me'". 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4884 The doctor called it Improvosed Explosive Device syndrome. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4885 Don't just sit there----say When... 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4886 Proposition 3.2 approved medical can-a-buds. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4887 I should be fine, my body is a second half team. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4888 Did she say she was an infusion therapist or an infusion terrorist? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4889 I found a loophole in Trump's healthcare bill. My alcoholism isn't considered a preexisting condition! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4890 They say I need a rush of blood to the head. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4891 I opted for the mineral water drip. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4892 Your homemade FitBit isn't going to help you much here. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4893 We're lucky our insurance covers the party pack. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4894 If beer-ears don't work we'll try leeches 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4895 Hairofthedogalimumab. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4896 Beer me another transfusion bag 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4897 Since my jaw is wired shut. I had to get my beer somehow. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4898 Being ambidextrous, I really don't mind. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4899 My doctors from Olympia Washington it's the water on the brain 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4900 No, my dear, what I have is a solution. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4901 Relax! It was a two-for-one sale! 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4902 This time I'll try for counter-clockwise. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4903 ...And it's going to save me so many trips to the fridge. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4904 Mm mmoth z glood shhhut. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4905 Ones a bud the other a miller lite 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4906 I forgot about the explosives in the garage. OK? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4907 I'm in no pain since they put me on this beer I V. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4908 Wow!... that's going right from my head to my toes. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4909 I'm still recovering from the Fyre Festival. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4910 lol im dyin fam 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4911 Wanna start the wave? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4912 Are you sure our insurance covers intravenous nagging, dear? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4913 The doctor looked a lot like ol' frat-house Freddy. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4914 Actually, some people are calling it the latest advancement in stem cell technology. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4915 Veins of the forearm, forward to victory! Varices, schmarices! Esophagus, schmesophagus! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4916 And you're sure Trumpcare is going to cover this? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4917 Who would have thought that beer had medical value. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4918 No, but like, you are my best friend and I’m not just saying that. I really do love you. 1.0000 0.04652 22 22 0 0
4919 Come get me when Trump leaves office. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4920 Yes, I Truly believe this treatment will rekindle my passion for you! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4921 Western culture's answer to mind-body training. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4922 This treatment won't help you with the "honey do" list. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4923 The doctors say it's twice as effective. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4924 Oh, Wow!! They work great! The Doctor says as I heal the bass sound will get better and better! 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4925 They won't remove it until they know what it is for. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4926 The doc really liked the idea of my beer hat. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4927 The left one is a Hefeweizen with hints of clove and the right one is an IPA from Red Hook. 1.0000 0.04082 25 25 0 0
4928 They say the elephant ears transplant will take a little longer. 1.0000 0.04256 24 24 0 0
4929 I don't have the energy for this. 1.0000 0.04446 23 23 0 0
4930 I told you to stick with decaf/ 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4931 I'm sorry Bob, I just don't think ivPod is catchy. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4932 What's ailing you? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4933 It's TrumpCare's 'Domestic Beer IV' #MAGA. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4934 Honey, there are much simpler ways of getting rid of a brain freeze. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4935 Medicine. Party politics. All the same. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4936 Dr Artois stoutly believes oral therapy pales in comparison for what ails me. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4937 Not funny? Good thing you weren't here for my enema. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4938 I need to pee. Where's my bed keg? 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4939 It beats the beer funnel going in my mouth. 1.0000 0.04256 24 24 0 0
4940 Why did you finally leave him? Too needy. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4941 And instead of a respirator, I will have a breathalyzer. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4942 I pledged to 'frat hard, frat often,' Ma. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4943 They ran out of dark beer! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4944 It's all about being radical Babe! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4945 I may not be, but you are starting to look better. 1.0000 0.04880 21 21 0 0
4946 Treatment to improve my hand-eye cord-ination! 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4947 I guess they are prescribing fewer opioids. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4948 For a while there you weren't the only one with a stick up your butt. 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0
4949 Are you sure this will replace brain cells from last night? 1.0000 0.05130 20 20 0 0