Contest #567


Cartoon

567


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-05-01
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-05-14 (estimated)
Number of captions 4421
Number of responses 239829
Number of participants 6445


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Like you've never taken anything from a hotel room. 1.9415 0.02352 1197 433 401 363
1 Like I'm the first person who's tried sleeping their way to the top. 1.9188 0.01466 2943 1060 1062 821
2 And yet you embraced the standing desk. 1.8616 0.01664 2160 816 827 517
3 Then quit making the meetings so early. 1.8240 0.01640 2085 800 852 433
4 It's called a Murphy desk. 1.7955 0.01619 2318 989 814 515
5 The doctor said, 'stay in bed,' he didn't say, 'don't go to work.' 1.7743 0.01986 1409 586 555 268
6 What can I say, I'm good in bed. 1.7687 0.02574 977 455 293 229
7 I'm not going to take this lying down 1.7526 0.05617 194 89 64 41
8 Are you in my dream, or am I in your office? 1.7375 0.01801 1886 889 603 394
9 Yes, I can literally do this job in my sleep. 1.7165 0.02057 1284 582 484 218
10 I misunderstood BYOB. 1.7048 0.01868 1660 798 554 308
11 Sorry I'm late. I had trouble getting out of bed this morning. 1.7010 0.01778 1813 871 613 329
12 This would be a completely different cartoon if I were a woman. 1.6957 0.02138 1357 690 390 277
13 I told you I can do this job in my sleep. 1.6956 0.01728 1751 805 674 272
14 You call this a Firm. 1.6876 0.02226 1197 600 371 226
15 I'm working undercover. 1.6836 0.02004 1362 656 481 225
16 So then she took out the superglue and I thought, "I don't like where this is headed." 1.6427 0.02296 1097 583 323 191
17 Sorry I'm late. I had a little trouble getting out of bed. 1.6306 0.02310 1026 540 325 161
18 I can't, I'm not wearing pants. 1.6298 0.02127 1175 610 390 175
19 Combine Murphy's Law and a Murphy bed and you've pretty much got my morning. 1.6095 0.02559 817 440 256 121
20 It came with a 30 day trial period and I intend to use every minute of it. 1.6068 0.02603 740 388 255 97
21 If management wants to screw me, I might as well be comfortable. 1.6058 0.02595 822 453 240 129
22 It's only awkward when my wife sleeps in. 1.6050 0.02405 881 467 295 119
23 Let me sleep on it and I'll get back to you. 1.6031 0.02358 897 472 309 116
24 Can you believe my doctor said I have to stay in bed? My commute was a nightmare! 1.6000 0.02510 880 490 252 138
25 Oh, so now we're back to thinking inside the box? 1.5904 0.02723 730 408 213 109
26 It's a conference call. No one will know. 1.5894 0.03669 414 235 114 65
27 This is my dream job. 1.5829 0.03955 350 199 98 53
28 It's my dream job. 1.5677 0.02895 613 347 184 82
29 I'm still sleeping on it. 1.5651 0.02846 614 344 193 77
30 Well you let Johnson have a standing desk. 1.5649 0.02911 609 347 180 82
31 I'm ready to retire. 1.5642 0.03376 553 347 100 106
32 Dammit Johnson! I said I was sick and staying in bed, not sick and staying home! 1.5618 0.02831 591 326 198 67
33 I don’t lie. I stand uprightly for what I endorse. 1.5590 0.03288 576 362 106 108
34 You act like I'm the first person to ever try to sleep their way to the top. 1.5572 0.03106 533 307 155 71
35 The last thing I remember is taking an Ambien. 1.5540 0.03133 509 291 154 64
36 Well if this isn't business casual, I don't know what is. 1.5514 0.03085 506 286 161 59
37 I told you I would sleep on it. 1.5465 0.02934 505 276 182 47
38 If need be, I'm ready to pull an all-nighter. 1.5451 0.03014 499 278 170 51
39 It needs another strap and more Velcro. 1.5430 0.03488 488 307 97 84
40 I AM up! 1.5430 0.03159 488 281 149 58
41 I'm homing from work. 1.5430 0.03289 488 291 129 68
42 Doesn't seem to bother you when you call me at three in the morning. 1.5424 0.03334 472 281 126 65
43 You told me to dress for the job I want. 1.5415 0.03740 386 233 97 56
44 I ran out of sick days. 1.5405 0.03069 481 270 162 49
45 This is the work setting on my sleep number bed. 1.5401 0.03215 474 275 142 57
46 Her lawyer was a lot better than mine. 1.5376 0.03161 465 265 150 50
47 So then I think, "Early to bed, early to rise" - why not multitask that crap? 1.5375 0.03308 467 277 129 61
48 "What gives you the impression that I'm too laid back? 1.5366 0.04371 246 141 78 27
49 I get my best ideas in bed. 1.5359 0.02960 459 248 176 35
50 Their offer was firm. 1.5351 0.03282 456 267 134 55
51 Oh, like you've never run out of clean pants! 1.5344 0.04195 320 199 71 50
52 Yeah well I billed 7 hours last night so who's ridiculous now? 1.5335 0.03234 448 258 141 49
53 Well, I figure, if you can have a standing desk... 1.5308 0.03268 439 254 137 48
54 I've found my work - life balance. 1.5308 0.03268 439 254 137 48
55 For the last time, I will not share my spread sheets. 1.5294 0.04675 238 144 62 32
56 It's called work-life balance, Doug. 1.5280 0.03553 428 264 102 62
57 And just WHAT did the hotel CLAIM was stolen? 1.5259 0.03522 405 243 111 51
58 Getting up in the morning when she was already up didn't work for her. 1.5244 0.03894 410 271 63 76
59 I did NOT sleep my way to the top! 1.5244 0.03722 410 260 85 65
60 What? It's casual Friday. 1.5194 0.03772 360 220 93 47
61 She got the rest of the house. 1.5190 0.03661 395 245 95 55
62 Make up your mind. Do you want me to put this deal to bed or not? 1.5180 0.03565 388 234 107 47
63 This is how I'm able to bill for 90 hours per week. 1.5180 0.03584 388 235 105 48
64 Am I the only one who knows what BYOB means?! 1.5161 0.03560 372 221 110 41
65 OK, I'm ready for that dream assignment. 1.5158 0.03425 380 221 122 37
66 Sometimes I work from home, sometimes I sleep from work. 1.5134 0.03661 372 227 99 46
67 You didn't give Levy crap about his standing desk. 1.5134 0.03586 374 225 106 43
68 It's called multitasking, Jim...I thought you'd be pleased. 1.5121 0.03526 371 220 112 39
69 You said sleep on it. I'm not done. 1.5070 0.03440 355 205 120 30
70 I'm Tim, the new embedded journalist. 1.5062 0.08263 81 52 17 12
71 Fine, I'll consider this my wake-up call. 1.5057 0.03598 352 210 106 36
72 I rest my case. 1.5015 0.03900 337 212 81 44
73 My sleep number is 24/7. 1.5015 0.03815 339 210 88 41
74 You're damn right I'm gonna sleep my way to the top! 1.5015 0.03769 339 208 92 39
75 You can't welsh on the bet now, Dave; do you know how much I spent on Velcro alone? 1.4985 0.04146 323 211 63 49
76 I couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.4969 0.03856 326 202 86 38
77 You power nap your way, Bob, and I'll power nap mine. 1.4954 0.03782 323 197 92 34
78 Get ready for the longest filibuster in the history of Congress! 1.4953 0.03943 319 200 80 39
79 Sorry I'm late. I couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.4937 0.04002 318 202 75 41
80 What gives you the idea that I’m sleeping on the job? 1.4932 0.05466 148 89 45 14
81 Let's put this deal to bed. 1.4931 0.05575 144 87 43 14
82 I did not sleep my way into this position. 1.4925 0.06244 134 86 30 18
83 You schedule a meeting for 6 a.m., this is what you get! 1.4902 0.03988 306 192 78 36
84 But this is all I could afford in Brooklyn . . . 1.4848 0.04078 297 189 72 36
85 Make it quick. I have a 2 AM. 1.4847 0.03897 295 181 85 29
86 The standing desk wasn't working for me. 1.4806 0.04046 283 177 76 30
87 I'm working the night shift. 1.4792 0.04173 240 145 75 20
88 Technically speaking, I'm NOT laying down on the job 1.4765 0.04077 277 174 74 29
89 I'm an efficiency expert. Why? 1.4745 0.04044 274 171 76 27
90 And where was the outrage over Alan's standing desk? 1.4741 0.04316 270 176 60 34
91 Does this bed make me look tired? 1.4737 0.04711 228 149 50 29
92 Why? All the guys at Fox have them. 1.4721 0.04360 269 177 57 35
93 Even though I couldn't get out of bed this morning I came to work. 1.4721 0.03925 269 164 83 22
94 I'm not taking this lying down! 1.4697 0.04012 264 163 78 23
95 I'm sleeping my way to the top. 1.4679 0.04650 218 140 54 24
96 They don't call it "the city that never sleeps" for no reason, Bob. 1.4674 0.04007 261 161 78 22
97 I decided why not combine the places I get absolutely no support 1.4672 0.04519 259 174 49 36
98 My doctor made me promise I would stay in bed. 1.4669 0.04306 257 166 62 29
99 Because I’ve used up all my sick days! 1.4648 0.04136 256 161 71 24
100 I'm John, the new embedded software engineer. 1.4643 0.04510 252 168 51 33
101 It's the last time I'll use velcro sheets. 1.4643 0.04749 252 175 37 40
102 Absolutely not! This is a single bed! 1.4640 0.04283 250 160 64 26
103 I know Phil, no bottom sheet. Anything else you want to ding me for? 1.4612 0.04307 245 157 63 25
104 Now I'm criticized for bringing my home to work with me? 1.4564 0.04357 241 156 60 25
105 It’ll be the longest filibuster ever 1.4554 0.04597 224 147 52 25
106 It’s all in the note from my doctor. 1.4553 0.04559 235 156 51 28
107 I'm here, aren't I? 1.4553 0.04598 235 157 49 29
108 London School of Ergonomics, top of my class! 1.4549 0.04339 233 149 62 22
109 It's called a power nap for a reason, Johnson. 1.4549 0.04253 233 147 66 20
110 No it's not Armani. It's Bed Bath and Beyond. 1.4549 0.04588 233 155 50 28
111 I ran out of sick days. 1.4522 0.04378 230 148 60 22
112 My commute was a nightmare!!! 1.4518 0.04864 228 158 37 33
113 Really funny superglue prank, Frank. My worst presentation ever. 1.4505 0.07034 91 59 23 9
114 I find it gives my sexist remarks a bit more innuendo. 1.4468 0.05129 188 127 38 23
115 Your secretary suggested I get comfortable while I wait. 1.4459 0.04397 222 143 59 20
116 You said the defense was resting today. 1.4455 0.04518 220 144 54 22
117 Actually, the hardest part was getting through the turnstile! 1.4450 0.04640 218 145 49 24
118 What makes you think I'm sleeping on the job? 1.4444 0.04386 216 138 60 18
119 50k signing bonus, and a bed at your desk: welcome to Goldman Sachs. 1.4444 0.04808 216 147 42 27
120 Asking her to have a meeting is not sexual harassment! 1.4444 0.04717 216 145 46 25
121 I feel torn between lethargy and productivity. 1.4422 0.04480 199 126 58 15
122 Yes I am wearing pants. 1.4419 0.04592 215 142 51 22
123 Does it look like I'm sleeping on the job? 1.4419 0.04545 215 141 53 21
124 When I say I'm 24/7, I'm 24/7. 1.4408 0.04507 211 137 55 19
125 I overschlepped. 1.4408 0.04406 211 135 59 17
126 I tried the standup desk but this just seemed a better fit. 1.4406 0.04908 202 137 41 24
127 Since you decided to cancel Casual Friday, I decided to start Mattress Monday. 1.4378 0.04770 201 134 46 21
128 Could you untuck me for the meeting? 1.4363 0.04614 204 134 51 19
129 ...and then I told the genie: 'I want to stay in bed forever.' 1.4348 0.04514 207 135 54 18
130 I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation. 1.4348 0.04301 207 131 62 14
131 Did you, or did you not, tell me to 'make myself at home', Mr. Brenner? 1.4341 0.04888 182 120 45 17
132 Well what does business casual mean to you, Tom? 1.4335 0.04885 203 139 40 24
133 I don't get out of bed for less than $100K 1.4322 0.04906 199 136 40 23
134 You told me to get ready for an all-nighter. 1.4286 0.04459 196 126 56 14
135 I needed a ride and accidentally keyed in "Ubed." 1.4286 0.04798 196 132 44 20
136 Worst Airbnb ever! 1.4271 0.04814 192 129 44 19
137 I'm on time, aren't I? 1.4271 0.04699 192 127 48 17
138 It's my dream job. 1.4241 0.04772 191 128 45 18
139 Yeah, well, narcolepsy isn't easy for me either! 1.4233 0.04980 189 130 38 21
140 How was my day? I got short sheeted again at work. 1.4225 0.04962 187 128 39 20
141 Before elite status I only had a neck pillow. 1.4222 0.04917 180 121 42 17
142 I woke up like this. 1.4186 0.05896 129 88 28 13
143 Yes, I'm THIS serious about putting the project to bed. 1.4185 0.04649 184 121 49 14
144 What? I'm on time! 1.4185 0.04958 184 126 39 19
145 I don't know what to tell you Bill......There is nothing in the company policy that says I can't "lay-up" on-the-job 1.4176 0.05406 182 132 24 26
146 I was under cover, but I was made. 1.4167 0.05098 180 125 35 20
147 I don't get out of bed for less than a million. 1.4167 0.06893 96 66 20 10
148 Well, you also said the stand up desk wouldn't catch on. 1.4167 0.04719 180 119 47 14
149 How's this for multitasking? 1.4167 0.04653 180 118 49 13
150 The hardest part was getting on the escalator. 1.4162 0.04988 173 117 40 16
151 Don't just stand there. Tuck me in. 1.4157 0.05262 178 126 30 22
152 This isn't the kind of work-life balance I envisioned. 1.4157 0.04550 178 115 52 11
153 My work-life boundaries seem increasingly blurred. 1.4157 0.04887 178 120 42 16
154 They said I was "lying down on the job." Can you believe it? 1.4124 0.04968 177 121 39 17
155 I'm not taking this lying down! 1.4124 0.04837 177 119 43 15
156 But this is where I get all my best ideas. 1.4114 0.04669 175 115 48 12
157 I don't think this is what they mean by work-life balance! 1.4097 0.05435 144 98 33 13
158 I've been to bed, bath, and BEYOND. 1.4094 0.05091 171 118 36 17
159 Hey, a billable hour is a billable hour. 1.4094 0.04884 171 115 42 14
160 Don't call me Murphy! 1.4094 0.05023 171 117 38 16
161 I'm homing from work. 1.4094 0.04884 171 115 42 14
162 No, I don't think I'm taking casual Friday too far. 1.4094 0.04518 171 110 52 9
163 Pull back the covers? I don't think you are ready for full transparency! 1.4094 0.05290 171 121 30 20
164 It's a lot healthier than sitting behind a desk all day. 1.4083 0.04852 169 113 43 13
165 My mother was a kangaroo 1.4082 0.05354 147 100 34 13
166 I will not take this lying down. 1.4048 0.05083 168 116 36 16
167 It's called multitasking, Jim. 1.4036 0.05196 166 116 33 17
168 An affair at work. No, why do you ask? 1.4036 0.04520 166 107 51 8
169 I'm just having a bad Velcro moment. 1.4012 0.05969 162 124 11 27
170 Need to be prepared for when the lights dim and the Power Point presentation begins 1.4000 0.05072 165 114 36 15
171 Isn't it obvious? I'm trying to sleep my way to the top. 1.4000 0.05109 160 110 36 14
172 Its a 'reasonable accommodation' for my laziness. 1.4000 0.05072 165 114 36 15
173 It's a "Murphy desk". 1.4000 0.05031 160 109 38 13
174 I won't do your report until you tell me a story. 1.4000 0.05424 165 119 26 20
175 She got the house and the dog. 1.4000 0.04998 165 113 38 14
176 Uber merged with Serta. 1.3972 0.05593 141 99 28 14
177 The boss tells me we'll be putting in an all-nighter. 1.3962 0.04723 159 105 45 9
178 Welcome to our narcolepsy support group. 1.3962 0.05049 159 109 37 13
179 And I don't care if it takes all night. 1.3949 0.05328 157 111 30 16
180 Signed a lease for a mobile Manhattan studio and now I can't get out of it! 1.3949 0.05328 157 111 30 16
181 Let me guess, you're laying me off? 1.3949 0.05328 157 111 30 16
182 How's this for "work-life balance"? 1.3949 0.05172 157 109 34 14
183 Because you gave me blanket authority. 1.3949 0.05328 157 111 30 16
184 What?! You said I could work from the comfort of my own home! 1.3910 0.04776 156 104 43 9
185 It's an alternate treatment for my narcolepsy. 1.3910 0.04946 156 106 39 11
186 Again with the nap-shaming. 1.3910 0.04946 156 106 39 11
187 First, you come out of the closet, then I come out of the bed. 1.3907 0.04970 151 102 39 10
188 Of course I'm wearing pants. 1.3907 0.05557 151 109 25 17
189 What's your problem? I'm vertical. I'm integrated. 1.3907 0.04970 151 102 39 10
190 I stand with the firm. 1.3907 0.05230 151 105 33 13
191 YOU'RE upset!? I just lost my teddy bear on the subway! 1.3904 0.05444 146 103 29 14
192 I'm presenting my narcolepsy defense today. 1.3867 0.05499 150 108 26 16
193 Then don't call it casual Friday! 1.3867 0.05333 150 106 30 14
194 Dress for the job you want Thomas... 1.3867 0.04986 150 102 38 10
195 You said it was a dream job. 1.3867 0.04804 150 100 42 8
196 You've never heard of an embedded systems engineer? 1.3867 0.05163 150 104 34 12
197 You said... be ready to go, first thing in the morning. 1.3819 0.05215 144 100 33 11
198 You're damn right it's difficult navigating the turnstiles. 1.3819 0.05398 144 102 29 13
199 Jon, why are you floating above me with your arms crossed? 1.3819 0.05398 144 102 29 13
200 What!?!? I only have one carry-on!! 1.3819 0.05575 144 104 25 15
201 What? It's casual Friday. 1.3803 0.05541 142 102 26 14
202 Well does it look like I just rolled out of bed! 1.3790 0.05562 124 86 29 9
203 I came as fast as I could 1.3786 0.05313 140 98 31 11
204 Now do you believe I'm not in bed with the competition? 1.3786 0.05596 140 101 25 14
205 I would tell you the story behind the bed, but it hasn't been made up yet. 1.3786 0.05596 140 101 25 14
206 No, I'd be crazy if I got out of bed for what you're offering. 1.3741 0.05618 139 101 24 14
207 I literally couldn't get out of bed. 1.3741 0.05525 139 100 26 13
208 I couldn't find my pants. 1.3741 0.05525 139 100 26 13
209 I'm telling you, power naps make me twice as effective. 1.3741 0.05133 139 96 34 9
210 This was much easier when I worked from home 1.3741 0.05031 139 95 36 8
211 YOU’RE the one who suggested that I sleep on it. 1.3741 0.05133 139 96 34 9
212 So, are you going to the filibuster tonight? 1.3741 0.05429 139 99 28 12
213 So, do you have something to fall back on? 1.3741 0.05234 139 97 32 10
214 Do I look like I want to sleep on it? 1.3741 0.05133 139 96 34 9
215 Oh yeah? Well, I'm not going to take this lying down! 1.3741 0.05234 139 97 32 10
216 When home office said they would put me up for the night, I was thinking more like the Hilton. 1.3741 0.05333 139 98 30 11
217 I told you I'd sleep on it. 1.3741 0.05234 139 97 32 10
218 You said I should be prepared to serve our clients 24/7. 1.3729 0.05489 118 81 30 7
219 You told me to follow my dreams. 1.3723 0.04860 137 92 39 6
220 I was told to work on my bedside manner 1.3723 0.05384 137 97 29 11
221 I'm standing and I can't lie down 1.3723 0.05769 137 101 21 15
222 The doctor said complete bed rest, so take it or leave it. 1.3723 0.04970 137 93 37 7
223 this 24/7 is getting out of hand ! 1.3704 0.05830 135 100 20 15
224 'Rise, take up your bed , and walk.' John 5:8. 1.3701 0.05788 127 92 23 12
225 I can't even be on my deathbed without being called in to the office! 1.3684 0.05695 133 97 23 13
226 I may have made it but I don't have to lie in it. 1.3680 0.05740 125 90 24 11
227 It's none of your business if I'm wearing pants. 1.3664 0.05653 131 95 24 12
228 Since the election, I just feel better doing everything here. 1.3664 0.05220 131 91 32 8
229 It's going to be even bigger than the tiny house movement. 1.3664 0.05107 131 90 34 7
230 I'm going to sleep my way to the top. 1.3664 0.05332 131 92 30 9
231 I took a taxi. Why? 1.3664 0.05956 131 98 18 15
232 Yes I am Julian Assange but for your information this bed is part of the sovereign territory of Ecuador. 1.3664 0.05956 131 98 18 15
233 Of course you only took the towels, Jones, that's why you'll never get to become manager. 1.3664 0.05653 131 95 24 12
234 Well you didn't have a problem with e-mailing me all night. 1.3664 0.05755 131 96 22 13
235 Seriously, I can do this job in my sleep! 1.3664 0.05441 131 93 28 10
236 What part of "working from home" did you not understand? 1.3643 0.05496 129 92 27 10
237 I'm not going to let this job force me outside of my comfort zone! 1.3643 0.05605 129 93 25 11
238 I commute from a bedroom community. 1.3643 0.04789 129 86 39 4
239 What can I do? I told all my Twitter followers if Donald Trump won the election, I wouldn't get out of bed ever again! 1.3622 0.05773 127 93 22 12
240 That seminar on work life balance really spoke to me. 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
241 So you didn't mean literally "go to the mattresses"? 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
242 HEY! The ad said bed AND breakfast! 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
243 Of course I'm wearing pants. 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
244 I'm working undercover, you idiot. 1.3622 0.05439 127 90 28 9
245 Sorry I'm late. I had trouble getting out of bed this morning. 1.3622 0.05323 127 89 30 8
246 Meet my new invention - the Murphy's Law Bed. 1.3622 0.05083 127 87 34 6
247 I'm sorry. I just couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.3600 0.05949 100 70 24 6
248 I'm ready for your all-day staff meeting. 1.3600 0.05376 125 88 29 8
249 Make me. 1.3600 0.05836 125 92 21 12
250 Sorry I'm late but I couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
251 Yeah, but technically I haven't actually violated the doctor's orders. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
252 Yes sir, the Doctor said as long as I stay in bed, I can work. 1.3600 0.05255 125 87 31 7
253 Yes, dad. Blogging is a real job. 1.3577 0.05671 123 89 24 10
254 Obviously I'm not your stereotypical homeless person. 1.3577 0.06013 123 92 18 13
255 Ebenezer, I am the ghost of "Work/Life Balance". 1.3577 0.06123 123 93 16 14
256 You ever have one of those mornings where you just can't get out of bed? 1.3577 0.05552 123 88 26 9
257 Look, you knew my name was Murphy when you hired me! 1.3525 0.05450 122 87 27 8
258 I'm 24/7. 1.3525 0.05693 122 89 23 10
259 I'm temping at Ikea. 1.3525 0.05063 122 84 33 5
260 I'm trying to strike a better work-life balance. 1.3525 0.05324 122 86 29 7
261 I'm late because I had to tie myself to the roof of my car! 1.3516 0.06878 91 68 14 9
262 I'm going under cover! 1.3500 0.05755 120 88 22 10
263 That's all you have to say? "Where's the fitted sheet?" 1.3500 0.05755 120 88 22 10
264 My therapist says dreams of being naked at work are typical, but this one has him stumped. 1.3500 0.05378 120 85 28 7
265 Doctor's orders, I can't leave the bed. 1.3500 0.05755 120 88 22 10
266 Like you said...I made my bed...now I'm laying in it. 1.3500 0.05755 120 88 22 10
267 I paid for First Class, and I am not moving. 1.3475 0.05694 118 86 23 9
268 I'm adapting to our new "you can sleep when you are dead" policy. 1.3475 0.05819 118 87 21 10
269 I decided my job isn't worth getting out of bed for. 1.3475 0.06182 118 90 15 13
270 You told me to dress for the job that I want! 1.3475 0.06182 118 90 15 13
271 You told me to get myself 'embedded' in the company! 1.3475 0.05298 118 83 29 6
272 This is my home office. 1.3475 0.05694 118 86 23 9
273 I told you I would represent you 24/7! 1.3448 0.05352 116 82 28 6
274 I made the mistake of complaining that my wife never makes the bed. 1.3448 0.05625 116 84 24 8
275 This is not the Wakeup Call I had in mind. 1.3421 0.05687 114 83 23 8
276 Oh, but wearing jeans to work is ok? 1.3421 0.05548 114 82 25 7
277 Well, it all started with the standing desk. 1.3421 0.05822 114 84 21 9
278 My new smart bed went into lock-down mode when calculating my sleep deficit. 1.3421 0.05687 114 83 23 8
279 You are looking at a complete travel package. 1.3421 0.06082 114 86 17 11
280 THE WORK-A-PEDIC 1.3421 0.05822 114 84 21 9
281 The doctor didn't say I couldn't come to work. He just said I need to stay in bed for a month. 1.3407 0.06294 91 66 19 6
282 Then she accuses me of sleeping around 1.3400 0.09307 50 38 7 5
283 I just couldn't get out of bed today. 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
284 Would I lie? 1.3393 0.06024 112 84 18 10
285 We could avoid arbitration with a pillow fight. 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
286 I plan to sleep my way to the top. 1.3393 0.05314 112 79 28 5
287 You call this a retirement plan? 1.3393 0.05888 112 83 20 9
288 I'm here to represent the Dreamers! 1.3393 0.06156 112 85 16 11
289 There have been side effects transitioning to decaf 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
290 You see this is the life of traveling mattress salesman Bob, you gotta sleep on the go! 1.3393 0.06156 112 85 16 11
291 Well it looks like I'm the only one that bothered to participate in Take Your Bed To Work Day. 1.3393 0.05609 112 81 24 7
292 Let's put this deal to bed, already! 1.3393 0.05888 112 83 20 9
293 I'm certainly not the first person to sleep their way to the top! 1.3391 0.05224 115 81 29 5
294 It's the latest in the tiny house movement. 1.3391 0.05368 115 82 27 6
295 You have your ergonomic desk. This is MY ergonomic desk. 1.3364 0.05816 110 81 21 8
296 Don't look at me like that. I'm in a bed place. 1.3363 0.06236 113 87 14 12
297 I thought your speech was today. 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
298 I don't give a sheet what you think. 1.3333 0.06445 108 84 12 12
299 I'm entitled to my safe space. 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
300 Well, actually I just got a second call back from Shark Tank 1.3333 0.05424 108 77 26 5
301 I got stuck behind a sectional sofa on Rte. 3. 1.3302 0.05800 106 78 21 7
302 Why does everyone always say I look like I just woke up? 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
303 Don't ever wake a person who is sleepworking. 1.3302 0.05315 106 75 27 4
304 If the company let employees take sick days I wouldn't have to do this. 1.3302 0.05315 106 75 27 4
305 What do you mean this isn't "work-life balance" 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
306 If I have to use a standing desk, I might as well be comfortable. 1.3302 0.05800 106 78 21 7
307 I can deduct it as a home office! 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
308 I'm trying to make this my dream job. 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
309 OK, the seating has improved. What about refreshments and overhead storage ? 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
310 You said to bring my spreadsheets to the meeting. 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
311 Okay, you got me. I AM Bedman! 1.3298 0.06123 94 69 19 6
312 I spreadsheet all day and spread sheets all night... 1.3295 0.06609 88 66 15 7
313 I LITERALLY can't get out of bed. 1.3235 0.05601 102 74 23 5
314 The doctor says I need to rest and my wife says I need to work. 1.3235 0.05772 102 75 21 6
315 At least I'm not sleeping with my secretary. 1.3235 0.05772 102 75 21 6
316 You know I can't get out of bed in the morning until I've had my coffee! 1.3235 0.05772 102 75 21 6
317 You said I can expense anything I use at work! 1.3200 0.05840 100 74 20 6
318 See, I told you I can home from work 1.3200 0.06176 100 76 16 8
319 It's called multitasking - Google it! 1.3200 0.06010 100 75 18 7
320 One of us lacks perspective 1.3200 0.06176 100 76 16 8
321 Well, how was I to know the kids would find the superglue so easily?! 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
322 I have a prescription for this. 1.3200 0.06176 100 76 16 8
323 I love my new flexible work schedule. 1.3200 0.05483 100 72 24 4
324 Do you believe me now when I say I'm a stand-up guy? 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
325 I told you I could do this job in my sleep. 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
326 Could you get out of my dream,sir? 1.3163 0.05542 98 71 23 4
327 Technically, yes, this is my dream job. 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
328 Now tell me a story. 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
329 Listen! I want that budget report on my duvet in 45 minutes or we are going to have to reassess your commitment to this company. 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
330 What do you want from me? I'm up, aren't I? 1.3163 0.05728 98 72 21 5
331 Well you won't let me work from home! 1.3163 0.05349 98 70 25 3
332 I'm not inclined to agree with you. 1.3125 0.06337 96 74 14 8
333 I suppose you're also going to get all bent out of shape about the bedpan in my briefcase. 1.3125 0.06796 80 61 13 6
334 It's my emotional support mattress. 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
335 Work-life balance is tricky. 1.3125 0.05795 96 71 20 5
336 And why'd you think I slept through the meeting? 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
337 You mind getting the door? I left my ID in my pull-out sofa. 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
338 Don't knock it. I'm finally going to get my dream job. 1.3125 0.05795 96 71 20 5
339 I'm a Serta-fied businessman! 1.3117 0.06981 77 59 12 6
340 Yeah, the wife and I are having problems, why do you ask? 1.3085 0.06055 94 71 17 6
341 Murphy's the name. 1.3085 0.06598 94 74 11 9
342 Don't tell me I can't multitask. 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
343 I decided to take their offer and wait for the next flight. 1.3085 0.06055 94 71 17 6
344 I'm the laid back one. 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
345 All you day traders have no respect for the night shift! 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
346 I do my best work in bed. 1.3085 0.06055 94 71 17 6
347 Decaf. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
348 Everyone said the same thing about the standing desk 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
349 I said I could do this job in my sleep. 1.3085 0.05459 94 68 23 3
350 It's where I have my best ideas. 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
351 Can't you see that I'm on my break? 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
352 I want a new contract. This bed sucks, the coffee's cold, and you're looking very judgey right now. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
353 Murphy, if this is some kind of a practical joke... 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
354 This whole work life balance thing is getting out of hand. 1.3085 0.06598 94 74 11 9
355 Oh, you wanted me to dive into the balance sheets. 1.3085 0.06422 94 73 13 8
356 Then why is it called Bed, Bath and Beyond?? 1.3085 0.06055 94 71 17 6
357 Sorry, I am late. Took me an hour to kick my wife out of bed this morning. 1.3085 0.06422 94 73 13 8
358 It was fine for Sheryl in accounting, but now it's a problem if I sleep my way to the top? 1.3085 0.05245 94 67 25 2
359 I'm the world's first traveling mattress salesman 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
360 All the millenials are doing it. 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
361 Does it look like I'm in bed with Big Oil? 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
362 Yeah? Well, I've slept through better jobs than this one! 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
363 Can you believe it? I got fired today for 'laying down on the job!' 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
364 I hate this new firm! 1.3085 0.06422 94 73 13 8
365 Yes, it's a thing. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
366 Worst part is my wife is still in bed 1.3085 0.06055 94 71 17 6
367 You're not supposed to wake someone who's sleepworking. 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
368 It's called a power nap 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
369 Look it's either this, or I work from home. 1.3043 0.05296 92 66 24 2
370 Sorry I'm late sir. I got caught in the turnstile. 1.3043 0.06132 92 70 16 6
371 Well, it's MY version of casual Friday. 1.3043 0.06510 92 72 12 8
372 They say you spend about 30 percent of your life in bed. I'm shooting for 50. 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
373 Sure, but you can't beat the commute. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
374 This new travel budget sucks. 1.3043 0.06324 92 71 14 7
375 Standing desks were so 2016. 1.3038 0.06826 79 61 12 6
376 I'm working towards a life-work balance. 1.3000 0.05575 90 66 21 3
377 So I told her, 'Myrna, I'll show you a guy who's erect in bed.... 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
378 You told me to sleep on it. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
379 A spineless lawyer, perhaps, but prove the lazy part! 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
380 I'm telling you, even Google hasn't thought of this! 1.3000 0.06601 90 71 11 8
381 It's a Sales Number bed, so my performance is adjustable. 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
382 No, no, I don't need medical leave. I can still come to work. 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
383 Do I look more laid-back? 1.3000 0.06211 90 69 15 6
384 Look, I'm sorry you didn't get the promotion but this job isn't nearly as cushy as it looks. 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
385 Where's my bagel? 1.3000 0.06601 90 71 11 8
386 Wow, my nightmare actually came to be true. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
387 My therapist says I need to be more laid back 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
388 There's a pea in here! 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
389 I almost got out of bed for this? 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
390 Well, I don't know why you're on the ceiling. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
391 I sleep on my desk, so it all evens out. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
392 You can't fire me. I'm dreaming right now. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
393 The coffee actually keeps me from falling asleep on the job. 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
394 Can you get me one with a folding cot? I had to pay for three seats on the bus. 1.2949 0.06350 78 59 15 4
395 See - I'm not lying! 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
396 What do you mean it's not take-your-bed-to-work-day?! 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
397 No, my life/work balance is not for everyone. 1.2907 0.06793 86 69 9 8
398 I couldn't decide whether to sleep in or come to work. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
399 Sorry I'm late. I couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
400 Look, ask the cartoonist. I think it's ridiculous, too. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
401 I asked for ergonomic, they gave me Posturepedic! 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
402 You're telling me this is inappropriate but Joan's standing desk is fine?! 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
403 You can't fire me, this is my dream job. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
404 This is how I justify billing my clients for the time I spend sleeping. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
405 My wife complains that I take the office home with me, so I compromised. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
406 Living the dream! 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
407 Because you said you wanted me to take "working from home" to a whole new level. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
408 A little help here. Mom tucked me in tight. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
409 I told you this was my dream job. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
410 She said I was sleeping my way to the top, like it was a bad thing. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
411 Is this the city that never sleeps? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
412 When I said I wanted to work from home, It didn't mean I wanted to live at the office. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
413 It's all a big misunderstanding, sir. I was just taking my horse for a ride. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
414 I got tired of bringing the job home with me. 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
415 I got the idea on that flight from Hong Kong. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
416 You told me to adjust my work/life balance! 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
417 And I remember the days when we started work at 9:00 and were finished at 5:00........ 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
418 You can't fire me, I quilt! 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
419 I'm transitioning to decaf. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
420 What do you mean I don't look well rested? 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
421 I work 24 hours a day and you couldn't even spring for a sheet? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
422 I thought I'd home at work for a change. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
423 One word, multitasking. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
424 No, I'm not lying down on the job. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
425 I'm having trouble getting out of bed. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
426 You happy now? I'm here and it wasn't easy. How are we supposed to go on without Mankoff? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
427 It eliminates down time. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
428 Stop accusing me of lying down on the job. 1.2805 0.05285 82 60 21 1
429 I didn't want to take a sick day. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
430 I'm bed-ridden, Jeremy, not an invalid! 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
431 Because my creative impulses come to me in my dreams, that's why! 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
432 Okay, find your own way to stop having 'naked in public' dreams. 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
433 My name is Jim and I'm a workaholic. 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
434 The guys on "Shark Tank' didn't like it either. 1.2750 0.06650 80 64 10 6
435 It's called multi-tasking...Deal with it! 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
436 I got thrown off United again! 1.2750 0.06884 80 65 8 7
437 Obviously this is not a down mattress. 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
438 From my perspective, you are floating over my bed 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
439 You never heard of a bedstand? 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
440 Hank, do you think I'm married to my work? 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
441 Dream job? 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
442 Not taking it lying down, no way! 1.2750 0.06650 80 64 10 6
443 The stand-up desk is cool. This not so much. 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
444 What's the matter? Is it the cup or the briefcase? 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
445 It feels like a giant pocket protector 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
446 Stop calling me Murphy. 1.2750 0.06650 80 64 10 6
447 I do my best thinking in bed. 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
448 I have to get up half an hour before I go to bed. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
449 Where's my productivity bonus? 1.2727 0.07073 77 63 7 7
450 Of course I'm awake, why? 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
451 I was afraid to get out on the wrong side. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
452 Can you check the weather to see if I'll need a comforter today? 1.2727 0.07012 66 52 10 4
453 You want me to come to work. I want to stay in bed. It's called compromise! 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
454 You're the one who wouldn't let me work from home. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
455 Exactly how am I supposed to have come-on to her? 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
456 Once I learnt to keep the pillow in place the rest was easy 1.2667 0.06932 75 61 8 6
457 I've been dreaming of this moment. 1.2667 0.05141 75 55 20 0
458 It's made of that foam that conforms to your body but now I can't get it off. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
459 This is my dream job. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
460 I'm sure you can't wait to jump all over me. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
461 Someone told me it was Mattress Monday. 1.2667 0.06667 75 60 10 5
462 I needed more billable hours. 1.2667 0.06667 75 60 10 5
463 It's the new Trump-care hospital bed 1.2667 0.06667 75 60 10 5
464 Sorry, I've been laid up. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
465 Don't judge. I'm home-ing from work this week. 1.2667 0.06932 75 61 8 6
466 Sorry I'm late -- my self-driving mattress short-sheeted me. 1.2667 0.06667 75 60 10 5
467 I was working from home and got short sheeted by HR 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
468 You don't appreciate the gravity of the situation. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
469 Who do I have to sleep with around here? 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
470 Give me one good reason to get out of bed? 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
471 It's the latest in filibuster attire. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
472 I'm playing it safe! More than 400 people die each year falling out of bed. 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
473 Don't talk to me about flu like symptoms, Johnson! I've been bedridden for three years and haven't missed a single meeting! 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
474 My pants are at the dry cleaners. 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
475 You can't be late for work if you never leave. 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
476 It appears as if my kids found the superglue. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
477 I've been feeling ill and my wife said, "You're not getting out of bed, Ted." 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
478 Of course I am billing for this. 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
479 My first wife wouldn't even let me READ in bed! 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
480 If I can't work from home, this is the next best thing. 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
481 Who could have guessed where the standing desk would lead? 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
482 I'm on bed rest for my walking pneumonia. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
483 You wouldn't believe the subway this morning. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
484 I knew there was something I forgot to do before I left the house. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
485 The bed's ejector feature failed to function. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
486 Another week another male cartoonist and two more male characters. Yay men! 1.2603 0.07306 73 61 5 7
487 I'm going to sleep my way to the top. 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
488 I AM up! 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
489 It's the next logical step after the standing desk. 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
490 It's the natural evolution from standing desk. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
491 At this point in my career I would prefer a cubical. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
492 The catheter's a life saver! 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
493 Does it LOOK like I'm enjoying my forced retirement? 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
494 I hated the commute. 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
495 I'm on my break! 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
496 This is what I can afford on the company;s per diem allowance. 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
497 I can't believe I didn't get out of bed for this. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
498 I thought you said this was going to be a desk job. 1.2535 0.06867 71 58 8 5
499 What? Everyone sneaks out a hotel souvenir. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
500 Murphy's Law meets the Murphy bed. 1.2535 0.07430 71 60 4 7
501 I'm sleep-working. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
502 Yes, I understand there are flaws in the concept, but still.... 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
503 Working from home is so yesterday. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
504 What? The infomercial said I only get 120 days to decide if I'm satisfied. 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
505 I'm telesleeping today. 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
506 You said "dress for the job you want" 1.2535 0.06867 71 58 8 5
507 You call it sleeping on the job—I say it’s a power nap. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
508 ...and if Le Pen wins YOU have to spend 100 days in bed. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
509 The Sleep Numbers don't lie, Bill. 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
510 "I was telling the truth when I said I was stuck in bed!" - My daughter, Lionelle Miller, age 8. (I know she's not 13 but she loves your magazine and cartoons and came up with this on her own!) 1.2535 0.06867 71 58 8 5
511 Lately I've been finding it tough to get out of bed in the morning. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
512 I just can't seem to get this through to you ---I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON! 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
513 Yes, Blaine, I am leaving the house dressed like this and no, it is not too tight in the crotch! It's a Serta, for God's sake. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
514 It's a thirty day free trial. 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
515 That meeting was a nightmare! 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
516 I'm just having a bed day. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
517 What makes you think I'm sleeping on the job? 1.2535 0.06867 71 58 8 5
518 I know I'm out of sick days, but I told you I was stuck in bed. 1.2535 0.07430 71 60 4 7
519 Then explain Casual Friday to me. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
520 Where is the damn cup holder on this thing? 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
521 What don't you like about my work-life balance? 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
522 Even though I didn't get out of bed, being dressed and getting here on time has to count for something. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
523 It was a lot easier when I just brought my work home. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
524 Anything that can be done in bed will be done in bed. 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
525 Who says I'm lying down on the job? 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
526 What do you mean, I'm too laid-back? 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
527 My doctor told me not to get out of bed today ... anymore insipid questions? 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
528 You know those signs that say, "If you lived here, you'd already be home?" Well... 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
529 Settle now. My client has me on a 24/7 retainer! 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
530 I'm expecting an extremely boring meeting today. 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
531 You wanted me to put this project to bed. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
532 Bed man walking. 1.2464 0.07272 69 58 5 6
533 I'm stuck. The housekeeper came in while I was taking a nap. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
534 It's my airbnb home office. 1.2464 0.06973 69 57 7 5
535 What do you mean the secretaries refuse to work with me? 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
536 We can cut hotel expenses with this new carry-on package that allows you to stay in the terminal. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
537 ...and THEN he actually accused me of sleeping on the job! 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
538 What do you mean I'm late? I got here as soon as I woke up. 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
539 That's a ridiculous accusation! What makes you think I've been napping on the job? 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
540 That may be YOUR definition of casual. This is MINE! 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
541 Yes, stairs can be a slight problem. 1.2464 0.06973 69 57 7 5
542 Standing desks were so 2016. 1.2464 0.07272 69 58 5 6
543 I'm proposing it for Casual Fridays. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
544 I only have two days left in my trial period. 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
545 Yes, but it's not MY binky. 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
546 I get my best ideas in bed. 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
547 Seriously, Jenkins? How do you think I made Partner? 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
548 You assume I'm going to take this lying down. 1.2464 0.06973 69 57 7 5
549 I'm married to my work- is that a problem? 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
550 I got here, didn't I? 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
551 I'm not taking this reorganization lying down! 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
552 Yes, I rewired my Sleepnumber Bed. Why do you ask? 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
553 "Foster a more relaxed working environment", that is what you said you wanted! 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
554 Well, of course, I'm wearing pants. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
555 I asked Alexa to reschedule my 9 0'clock, and this was the best she could do... 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
556 You know, Murphy's Law. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
557 I didn't get out of bed for this! 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
558 Never give up on your dreams! 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
559 So are we getting in bed with them or what? 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
560 I said I quit. He said 'In your dreams.' 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
561 You said 'casual Friday.' 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
562 It's only a problem if I have to use the elevator. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
563 It's great for power naps. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
564 The L train is hell on the hospital corners. 1.2424 0.07498 66 56 4 6
565 Well, it's MY casual Friday. 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
566 Let me sleep on it and I'll get back to you. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
567 "Boss", I said, "working from home could save a lot of time", and he thought for a second, and said "I have a better idea...". 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
568 I am LOVING the home office. 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
569 No Sir, I was not sleeping on the job. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
570 Now you tell me "I should have stood in bed" is just an aphorism. 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
571 I'm not sleeping on the job, i'm on the job sleeping! 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
572 What you never felt like you couldn't get out of bed in the morning? 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
573 I'm here, aren't I? 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
574 And how would you know what my doctor meant? 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
575 No, Bob I am not wearing pants per se but let me remind you that this is casual Friday. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
576 You don't see me coming into your office criticizing your management style, do you Craig? 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
577 A man can still dream, can't he? 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
578 Get Murphy in here! 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
579 But you said, "Infiltrate the sleeper-cell!' 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
580 I'm taking power napping to the next level. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
581 So we're finally putting matters to rest! 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
582 What do you mean I'm a Queen Size headache? 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
583 It's Casual Friday. Was I not supposed to wear a tie? 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
584 You said "Don't take your work home with you!" so 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
585 Your Honor, the defense rests. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
586 My request to work from home was denied. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
587 And as far as I know, she's still in here. 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
588 I could never remember if I was 'laying' or 'lying,' so I decided to stand. 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
589 It sounds like a good idea but I'm going to have to sleep on it. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
590 Duh, it's called vertical integration! 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
591 It's called "the bed rest desk." It's for after you throw your back out on the treadmill desk. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
592 What? I like to bring my home to work with me! 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
593 I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm not wearing pants. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
594 Living the dream! 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
595 Could you press 17? 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
596 You said you wanted us to take multitasking to the next level. 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
597 I don't get out of bed for less than a quarter million. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
598 Let those filthy scheming board directors try to stab me in the back now! 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
599 Well, I needed something for my standing desk. 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
600 I could do this job in my sleep, Glen. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
601 I want off the Serta account. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
602 People millennia from now will see you chair-sitters as primitive savages; trust. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
603 Can't we just stick to pillow talk!? 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
604 I never know when the narcolepsy is going to strike. 1.2424 0.05316 66 50 16 0
605 Shhhh. Don't blow my cover! 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
606 What? I'm lying in it. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
607 The Times says 'Sleep is the new status symbol' 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
608 First one in the office - Last one to leave. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
609 Brown-nosing was a total bust so why not try sleeping my way to the top? 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
610 Well, some mornings I just can't get out of bed. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
611 It's just that, my doctor prescribed bed rest 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
612 You said I should dress for the job I want, not the one I have. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
613 I claimed my bed as a home-office tax deduction. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
614 I need my spreadsheets! 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
615 I'm on my break! 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
616 I'm here for the meeting but I'm prepared in case it's boring. 1.2424 0.05316 66 50 16 0
617 I thought you said, 'The situation is all tucked up.' 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
618 Let me guess--you're going to chew me out because I forgot the fitted sheet. 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
619 My wife is dropping by later. 1.2400 0.07856 50 41 6 3
620 It goes away! Just let me finish my coffee! 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
621 Well you said work/life balance!? 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
622 But HR says I can take power naps! 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
623 I'm multi-tasking, I can sleep, eat and work all at the same time 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
624 Bring on the 2nd 100 days! 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
625 Dress for the job you want. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
626 Spring numbers seem fine to me. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
627 I am taking power naps to a new level! 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
628 Dream job? 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
629 I'm disappointed you think I'm trying to sleep my way to the top. 1.2344 0.05337 64 49 15 0
630 We compromised on the work at home issue. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
631 I asked for a stand up desk, not a stand up bed. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
632 I couldn't decide if I should work from home today. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
633 I keep having this dream that I am always on my way to the office. 1.2344 0.07300 64 54 5 5
634 Oh, sure! Stand up desks are ok... 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
635 Technically, I'm lying UP on the job. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
636 And I’m going to need a stand-up desk. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
637 Can't you do anything right? I asked for a California King. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
638 This isn't nearly as comfortable as it looks. 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
639 What do you mean I'm in bed with the lobbyists? 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
640 If Todd can have a treadmill desk, why can't I have a bed? 1.2344 0.07300 64 54 5 5
641 I thought it was take your twin to work day.... 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
642 I'm the definition of 24/7. 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
643 I deserve that partnership. I've been carrying this firm on my back. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
644 You ever have that "just can't get out of bed today" feeling? 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
645 I hated the stand-up desk. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
646 I finally landed my dream job. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
647 What - you thought I was going to take this job lying down? 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
648 Standing desks are so-o-o passé. 1.2344 0.07300 64 54 5 5
649 I'm disrupting daytime, Bob! Very innovative. 1.2281 0.07517 57 48 5 4
650 This is a job you can do in your sleep. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
651 C'mon dad, you said dress for the job you want. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
652 Power-napping is for losers, Hammond. I’m Uber-napping. 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
653 Let's see a robot do this 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
654 I'm beginning to think I have too much work-life balance. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
655 Well, maybe you should be more specific when you say casual Friday! 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
656 I've gone to the mattress for this company for the last time! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
657 I told you I was too sick to get out of bed, but no, you insisted I come to work. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
658 I can't believe the lack of support I get here! 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
659 I can explain my bunny slippers. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
660 What's your problem? Am I here, on time and ready to go, or not? 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
661 "My wife downloads every frickin' app that comes along. It's called insta-bed". 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
662 So instead you are now bringing your home to work? 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
663 The doctor said 'bedrest', but I don't have to take it lying down! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
664 I shouldn't have complained about my wife not vacuuming under the bed. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
665 I had to. All my pants are dirty. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
666 Well, when you told me what a dream job it would be, I should have asked for clarification. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
667 Where's the box spring for my reasonable accommodation? 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
668 Our new SuperGlue is gonna wipe out the competition 1.2258 0.07771 62 54 2 6
669 As father used to say, "Dress for the job you want." 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
670 I couldn't get out of bed! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
671 John seeks treatment for sleep working. 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
672 What part of 'dream job' did you not understand? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
673 You want me to work late - I'll work late. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
674 Power napping is just part of my multi-tasking. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
675 Oh...you said wear some red to work today? 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
676 This isn't what I had in mind when you said I could work from home 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
677 The turndown service is pretty aggressive here. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
678 thought i'd make it a bit easier for you and management to fuck me over and over and over 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
679 The snooze button is stuck. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
680 I'm multitasking Sir, I can work, drink coffee, sleep and irritate you. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
681 The maid tucked in the sheets so tight, I can't get out. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
682 I'm doing undercover work. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
683 Our insurance plan sucks, Tom. 1.2222 0.07313 63 54 4 5
684 I’m prepared to outlast you 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
685 I'll get the hang of telecommuting eventually. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
686 I got it with my Starbuck's reward points! 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
687 You hired the new ergo guy, not me! 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
688 We're all tired of your work-life balance facade. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
689 You said no more sleeping under the desk! 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
690 I won't retire lying down. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
691 I might be pulling an all nighter 1.2203 0.05442 59 46 13 0
692 My life coach suggested swaddling. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
693 Is it a bed? Yes. Am I wearing pants? No. 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
694 This is the new normal. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
695 My fortune cookie said I would make a lot of money - in bed. 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
696 I told you that I eat, sleep and breathe this job. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
697 I'm flying United. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
698 I have to learn to not bring home to work. 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
699 Who says men can't multitask? 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
700 So, this is life in the city that never sleeps? 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
701 Your bedside manner is deplorable. 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
702 Oh, so when YOU multitask it's great, but when I do it... 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
703 Let me sleep on it. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
704 You think you're bedder than me? 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
705 Who says I'm lying down on the job? 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
706 As CEO of this mattress company I decide what's appropriate. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
707 It's called "Sleep-Working"......and I'm crushing it! 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
708 Working from home isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
709 The standing desk is so yesterday. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
710 All I remember is I said Trump is great for business and I woke up super glued to this bed. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
711 Yeah? Well, how about you take your feet off my wall and let me get to work! 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
712 You're the one who want a 'more laid back' look. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
713 Matt's my name. Time management's my game. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
714 People also scoffed at the standing desk/ 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
715 I do my best thinking in bed. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
716 I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
717 I don't have to worry about getting out of bed in the morning anymore, but now getting decent public transportation is almost impossible. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
718 My horoscope said ‘Bad things will happen when you get out of bed.’ 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
719 They say sitting is the new smoking. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
720 I just didn't have the energy to get out of bed this morning! 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
721 This is why I hate hospital corners. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
722 What do you mean the beds don't recline in Business Class? 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
723 As much as you make me bring work home, I'm bringing home to work. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
724 I didn't want to get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning ! 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
725 Believe it, round here you snooze, you lose. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
726 Why not? Google has nap pods! 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
727 I don't get out of bed for less than a million. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
728 I develop sheep algorithms. There's a difference. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
729 No I didn't get the money! Those "Shark Tank people" have no vision! 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
730 What!?!? I only have one carry-on!! 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
731 I'm on the Trumpcare treatment plan for narcolepsy. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
732 I think better in bed. 1.2203 0.05442 59 46 13 0
733 In my 25 years, no one has ever heard me say "I can't get out of bed". 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
734 It's just another way to get to work on time. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
735 Success requires you to think outside the box spring...... 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
736 The tag is very clear on this point. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
737 I don't get out of bed for less than 3 million. This is what you get for 2.9 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
738 I'm doing a sleep study! 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
739 It's a nap sack. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
740 Send in my 6:00 a.m. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
741 You SAID I should be multi-tasking! 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
742 I'm woke already! what more do you want? 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
743 This job is a nightmare. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
744 You said I'd be working the overnight shift! 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
745 It's time we show the women that we can multi-task too! 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
746 What? Casual Friday's morphed into Mattress Monday. 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
747 I'm not taking a sick day 1.2203 0.05442 59 46 13 0
748 Say goodbye to commuter burnout. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
749 Sorry I am late, I had a hard time getting out of bed 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
750 But it's fine for you to have a standing desk? 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
751 You said don't be late again. You never mentioned a dress code. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
752 Doc, even with coffee and briefcase in hand, I still can't get out of bed! 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
753 But I thought you asked me to work under cover! 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
754 It`s called multitasking Jerry 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
755 ...and once I have the bathroom issue solved, I'm set! 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
756 THE TURNSTILE WAS A REAL BITCH 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
757 Percale's up 12% overnight in Tokyo! 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
758 I could talk about how workers are slowly toiling their lives away to please corporations that don't care about them while raising the next generation to do the same or else starve, but---look, are you gonna buy the FUCKING mattress or not? 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
759 Who said I was sleeping on the job!? 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
760 Can't help it. My sleep number is 24/7. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
761 Dad, everyone does this on their sick days now. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
762 This is my Employee Wellness Program. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
763 Look, you multitask your way, and I'll multitask mine 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
764 No questions just now please. I've had 3 refills of coffee and I really need to be untucked... 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
765 I told her, "No tuck." 1.2203 0.07280 59 50 5 4
766 No, I didn't want a standing desk, either. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
767 I finally qualify for that home office deduction. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
768 Doctor, your recommendation of 'bed rest' was clearly ambiguous. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
769 "Try a standing desk," they said. "It'll change your life," they said. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
770 ....so then I said to genie "get me to work on time" 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
771 Morning Murphy! 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
772 These are the Mondays of our lives. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
773 I am at the office!! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
774 I slept on it and still feel I'm right! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
775 My wife got tired of me bringing work to bed. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
776 I never get up on the wrong side of the bed. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
777 I appreciate your efforts to make me feel more at home sir, but I can't work like this... I'm going to need a refill on the coffee. would a muffin be to much to ask for? 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
778 The subway was running late, and then I lost my wife in the crowd! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
779 I'm NEVER late! 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
780 Because I'm a millennial! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
781 The doctor said "more sleep or more work; you can't do both." Well, I'm going to show her she was wrong. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
782 This is why I hate hospital corners. 1.2105 0.07811 57 50 2 5
783 You know, working from home's not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
784 Now do you believe I can multi-task? 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
785 You won't believe the power nap I just had! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
786 You call this economy first class? 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
787 It's not just women who can have it all. 1.2105 0.07811 57 50 2 5
788 You got something against multi-tasking! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
789 I hear there's no work-life balance here. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
790 Hey boss, I'm just trying to think outside the boxspring! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
791 The doctor told me not to get out of bed. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
792 I just can't seem to get anything done in my new posturepedic mattress. 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
793 believe me the self-driving bed is going to be the next big thing 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
794 This way, I just get up and go. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
795 But this is how I got promoted at my last job... 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
796 It was either go to sleep or go to work. I couldn't decide. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
797 You'll love this matrass. It works vertically as well as horizontally. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
798 With each of our exclusive stand-up mattresses you get a free can of olives or a slightly-used attache case 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
799 If I should die before I wake, I pray The LORD this job to take. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
800 Sorry I'm late. I slept past my subway stop. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
801 And then I read the research that it doesn't pay to get out of bed. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
802 I overslept and couldn't find my pants! 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
803 It's a lumbar support, and my doctor says I need it 24/7. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
804 I couldn't find my pants. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
805 I am protesting the night shift. 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
806 I told you I couldn't get out of bed this morning. Now are you happy? 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
807 I can never get a cab in this town. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
808 Listen.. I'm just as sick of this dream as you are. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
809 Well, if you can't find the solvent, can you at least get me a latte? 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
810 "Incorrect usage of synergy" was poor constructive criticism, in my opinion, Bob. 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
811 It was supposed to be a standing desk. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
812 Look, I don't know why you're so mad. It's casual Friday but I still wore a tie anyway. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
813 Wake me when this bus gets to 42nd street. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
814 Wait, why am I fired again? 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
815 Dumb question. You can see what I'm doing. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
816 You should see me play golf! 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
817 I had a bad dream, Russell. Take care of it! 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
818 And I think you're mad because you didn't think of it first. 1.2093 0.07846 43 36 5 2
819 You told me to bring my call sheets... 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
820 The standing desks were your idea. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
821 I told you, we are not ready to get in bed with your company yet!! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
822 Work-life balance. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
823 I said half-soy with extra foam, Geoffrey! 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
824 She replaced my lube with super glue. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
825 I can't seem to find a balance. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
826 I said I couldn't get out of bed, but I didn't say I wouldn't be to work! 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
827 It's an accommodation, I switched to decaf yesterday. 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
828 Just living the dream! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
829 So I said to the guy on the subway, "Yeah? well, you're man spreading." 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
830 I'm downsizing. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
831 I'm not wearing any pants 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
832 Better than the dream that I am naked 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
833 didn't you hear? its bring your bed to work day 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
834 Me? Sleeping on the job? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
835 What makes you think I'm looking to retire? 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
836 Just trying to follow my dreams 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
837 Slacking? I'm working 24/7. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
838 Yes, as a matter of fact I DO think this is a Holiday Inn! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
839 Shhhh! I'm sleepworking. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
840 Well you told me to try something more laid back. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
841 At least I got to work early. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
842 In my defense the rules for "Casual Friday" were rather vague. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
843 Well I'm president of the room and board. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
844 What makes you think I've been laying down on the job? 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
845 Sorry I'm late. I had a hard time getting in the car, okay? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
846 The board will regret not funding my commuter bed. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
847 You said you wanted someone who can multitask! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
848 I expect to save 158 hours and 46 minutes over my lifetime. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
849 I told them my sleep number was 24-7 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
850 Don't just stand there, go find my pants! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
851 Yes, narcolepsy is a real thing. And I'm dealing with it. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
852 Too casual? It's Friday! 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
853 I told the boss I'm confirned to bed, but... 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
854 Do you know how hard it is to find a strange bedfellow these days? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
855 Your choice - I get to work on time with the bed or I'm late without the bed. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
856 Sleeping on the job? What makes you think I've been sleeping on the job? 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
857 No coffee, no luggage rack, and housekeeping never came to turn down the bed. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
858 Did you check the credentials of those efficiency consultants before you hired them? 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
859 I keep telling the maid she tucks the covers in too tight. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
860 You're the one who said sleep on it 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
861 H.R.'s dress code stipulates, and I quote, 'comfortably formal.' 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
862 Can you believe it? He said I was lying down on the job! 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
863 Fired? For over sleeping? Don't expect me to take this lying down! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
864 I could do this job in my sleep. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
865 I realize Mr Harper frowns on telecommuting so here I am 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
866 Treadmill desks are passe. I'm into occasional naps. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
867 Tempting offer, but let me sleep on it. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
868 The pay is great, but the job is a nightmare! 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
869 I thought I was agreeing to the company's early retirement plan. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
870 And then he says, 'Jobbing on the sleep, again?' 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
871 Why do I have to test the beta model? 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
872 Murphy: Hotel Industry Lobbyist 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
873 I'm a Millennial. I shouldn't have to get out of bed to work. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
874 I only promised you "I'd sleep on it and get back to you". 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
875 I swore to stage a Lennonesque stay-in-bed protest, but I ran out of vacation days. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
876 Come on; one little favor. Just reach in for my mobile. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
877 It works better than a Varidesk. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
878 You were the one who said we were going to the mattresses on this deal. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
879 But the recruiter told me your company has a very laid-back culture. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
880 I spilled the bottle of Viagra on the mattress last night. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
881 I call it, 'the home from work program'. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
882 Hey, I'm accounting sheep! 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
883 I got caught up in my legal briefs. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
884 Sorry I'm late. I had a little trouble getting out of bed this morning. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
885 I'm having a nightmare of a workday. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
886 Well, a mattress cover would have been a nice touch ... 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
887 No, I'm not sleepworking again. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
888 Look boss, the divorce is almost over. 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
889 I’m sorry, but I just don’t have any wiggle room. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
890 You said it was breakfast meeting. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
891 Bob, I already told you, I'm 'livin' the dream' 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
892 There's been a mixup - I was supposed to be in the "deluxe" Spongebob Squarepants room. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
893 What? You said it was casual Friday! 1.2000 0.06030 55 45 9 1
894 You're late. 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
895 Getting out of bed in the morning used to be the hardest thing. 1.2000 0.07521 55 48 3 4
896 I thought I was supposed to dress for the job I want? 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
897 No, Murphy, I don't think your invention is office appropriate. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
898 What do you mean you're sending me to Sexual Harassment Training? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
899 I am trying to make Mondays easier. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
900 As you said, I've made my bed so now I'm lying in it. Now what? 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
901 Ok, now I'm ready to be dragged off your airplane. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
902 My sleep number is zero; why? 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
903 So what. I slept my way to the top. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
904 Do I complain on take your child to work day? 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
905 I feel like the walking bed. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
906 Look, it's an all-day meeting. I'm just prepared for the inevitable. 1.1964 0.05357 56 45 11 0
907 If you're going to screw me I might as well be in bed. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
908 I dreamt I was commuting to work and here I am. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
909 The stand-up desk is so 2016. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
910 Doctor says I'm on bedrest for a few weeks 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
911 What do you mean 'this constitutes sexual harassment'? 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
912 The doc said I should spend the day in bed... 1.1923 0.07786 52 46 2 4
913 How do you like my executive suite? 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
914 I'm starting a bed, bureau and breakfast. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
915 This is not what I meant when I said I wanted to 'sleep in' today. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
916 Can't you see I don't have time for a bedtime story? 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
917 I'm done with this spreadsheet. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
918 Instead of working from home, I'm sleeping from work. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
919 They say dress for the job you want. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
920 I flew in on the red-eye. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
921 The hotel was overbooked so they dragged me here. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
922 I'm dressing for the job I want. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
923 Also comes in business casual and slacker flat. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
924 My doctor ordered a full eight hours. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
925 Find an Uber that does do mattresses! 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
926 I made it on time, didn't I? 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
927 My pants are at the cleaners. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
928 The hardest part of the flight was the luggage carousel! 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
929 Excuse me. You've never heard of Take Your Bed to Work Day? 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
930 But this is my dream job. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
931 I rest my case. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
932 How dare you call me a lier? 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
933 Haven't you heard of multi-tasking? 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
934 What?! You don't think mattress testing is a real job?! 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
935 I earned my MBA at night school. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
936 My wife wouldn't let me take a sick day. 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
937 What makes you think I'm a workaholic? 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
938 It's called sleep working. Get over it. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
939 No, Brian, I said I wanted to get into the Grateful Dead; not the hateful bed. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
940 You said to dress for the job I want. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
941 What?! So I take a little home to work with me. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
942 OK, I won't expense the pillow. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
943 I'm your man 24/7. 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
944 Can't I just dance outside with the sign? 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
945 If you need me, I'll be homing from work. 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
946 In case my flight is overbooked. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
947 This is the new staycation. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
948 Sorry I'm late. My morning routine is out of sequence. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
949 Can't you see I've been working 24-7 on this project? 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
950 I don't have time to get out of bed in the morning! 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
951 and she said I couldn't multitask 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
952 What? I did my college online. Why cant I show up to work in my bed? 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
953 You try working the night shift and see if YOU like it! 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
954 Dude, I'm so tired I could fall asleep standing up. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
955 In this business you're either a sheep, or another sheep, or another sheep... 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
956 A fitted sheet would have been appreciated. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
957 Now push me over and get back to work. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
958 I don't like your bedside manners. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
959 What do you mean the Sleep-at-Work model is a horrible idea? 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
960 As soon as I go to bed, all of my best ideas come to me. I thought "Why not dress for it?" 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
961 Who put me in sleep mode? 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
962 It's called multi-tasking. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
963 It was this or give up sleep altogether. 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
964 One carry on, one item. What's the problem? 1.1923 0.08256 52 47 0 5
965 Finally, I have found my dream job. 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
966 I take my eggs over easy. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
967 It's called a work-life balance! 1.1923 0.07286 52 45 4 3
968 Ah...that's why the seatbelt was so tight this morning. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
969 I'm having this crazy dream and you're in it. 1.1923 0.06748 52 44 6 2
970 Good Grief! Management has now infiltrated my nightmares 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
971 But I'm too sick to get out of bed! 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
972 You should have seen the looks I got on the elevator. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
973 I hope you don't need an immediate answer on that promotion, Jack. I'd really like to sleep on it a day or two. 1.1923 0.06164 52 43 8 1
974 My sleep number is 0 1.1923 0.05519 52 42 10 0
975 Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed! 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
976 If you think this looks bad, you should see the other guy! 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
977 Doc says I must reduce work stress and spend more time in bed. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
978 What? You're the one who said you wanted us to multitask. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
979 You're accusing me of sleeping on the job? 1.1887 0.07646 53 47 2 4
980 So, okay. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
981 I call it extreme multitasking. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
982 I refuse to take work home with me. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
983 So what? You never have days when you just don't want to get out of bed? 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
984 It's tough being a stand-up comic in a bed and breakfast. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
985 Look, I work, eat, and sleep for this company. Could I at least get ten minutes to take a shower? 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
986 So this is a B&B to go. 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
987 Doctor's orders. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
988 Does it look like I'm sleeping on the job? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
989 I've finally achieved work-life balance. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
990 I booked a bed and breakfast. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
991 A perfect complement to my stand up desk. 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
992 It's my Murphy office! 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
993 And then my wife said, "you're taking this sleep study WAY too serious". 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
994 Do I look rested? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
995 I tell you I will not take being fired lying down! 1.1887 0.05426 53 43 10 0
996 Sorry I'm late, there was an incident in the subway! 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
997 It takes 'work from home' to the next level. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
998 Resting and ready to go, boss. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
999 I heard that sitting at work is killing us. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1000 I'm not a morning person. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1001 I come from a city that never sleeps. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1002 You said I'd get promoted in my dreams. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1003 Standing desks are so passé. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1004 My wife claims that she thought I asked her for a good hard birthday tuck. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1005 Tell me I can't work from home... 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1006 I woke up on the wrong side of the mattress this morning. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1007 I told you. I'm not a morning person. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1008 It's a firm mattress ! 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1009 Not Murphy, Murray. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1010 I'll stop when the standing desks stop. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1011 I don't give a sheet. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1012 Mae West once said, "I do my best work in bed" 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1013 I woke up like this. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1014 I'm tucking in. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1015 Don't give me that "look." I can be ready for work in 3 seconds. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1016 You can't sack me; I've got a clean sheet. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1017 I don't need to get out of my comfort zone. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1018 What? I ran out of sick days. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1019 You specifically said that you wanted me to work undercover today. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1020 Does it look like I'm lying? 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1021 I refused to get out of bed this morning, and still made it to the office. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1022 Don't let your Roomba communicate with your Sleep Number bed. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1023 Granted, I no longer have acid reflux. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1024 'Work/Life balance' is our new company motto 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1025 How dare you suggest that I slept my way to the top! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1026 Yup, I wake up like this. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1027 I specifically requested NO TUCK! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1028 Nothing else mattress. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1029 I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1030 Working from home no longer means "working from home!" 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1031 My doctor said I needed to get more rest. Guess I showed him who's smarter. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1032 I laugh in the face of your stand up desk. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1033 This is what I mean by "power napping!" 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1034 Jeez, why does everyone keep calling me Murphy? 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1035 Do I look like I'm ready? 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1036 What sexual harassment complaint ? 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1037 Sorry, but it just isn't how I had envisioned "a comfortable commute". 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1038 I thought you said we were "going to the mattresses". 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1039 I was passed over for California King...AGAIN! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1040 If you're going to stand at your desk, I'm going to sleep at mine. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1041 What? Do I have something on my face? 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1042 The meeting is mandatory, but not that important. 1.1800 0.07390 50 44 3 3
1043 You told me that, "once I tried this mattress, it'd be hard to get out of bed", but this is ridiculous! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1044 No rest for the wicked! 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1045 It's more convenient when I'm bumped from my flight. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1046 It's Called Commute Sleeping. 1.1800 0.05488 50 41 9 0
1047 No way this is decaf! 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1048 It beats wearing pants. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1049 I hope I'm not too early. 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
1050 My bed's not only comfy, it's clingy! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
1051 But why not? You let Johnson have a standing desk! 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
1052 I can multi-task, yes I can! Who can't do the job, drink coffee and sleep at the same time? 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
1053 Life's a mixed bag Drew. I don't sleep very well. But it keeps me on me toes. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1054 It's called a life-hack Larry... listen to a podcast for once! 1.1702 0.08228 47 43 0 4
1055 That's the last time I let my wife tuck me in. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1056 Cushy?! I have been carrying this firm! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1057 I assume you've heard our competitors are 'going to the mattresses.' 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1058 Listen. I am here to work and dream big! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1059 So what, tell him I don't give a sheet any more. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1060 Remind me never to book a B&B online again. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1061 It's one of those 'work from home' scams. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1062 When we say we're on 24/7 we mean it. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1063 ARE we gonna fuck or WHAT? 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1064 My wife left me. She says I'm a workaholic. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1065 OK, it's an improvement. But I'm still not flying United again. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1066 What are you talking about, Murphy?! This is a great idea! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1067 Dude! "It's called a Power Nap!" 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1068 Well, excuse me for never having seen 'The Godfather'! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1069 Says the guy with the stupid standing desk! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1070 If it's good enough for telecommuting, why not the office!? 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1071 No, I most certainly did NOT get up on the wrong side. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1072 I'm saving my sick days for later. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1073 Okay, I said that I COULD do your job in my sleep … not that I WOULD. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1074 Well your assnine insurance doctor, said to go to work but stay in bed as much as possible. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1075 The divorce has left me with this. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1076 What do you mean I'm being downsized? I live here! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1077 Hey! I don't get out of bed for less than ten thousand dollars. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1078 Just couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1079 This isn't what I meant by stay-cation. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1080 If you hadn't cut the per-diem, I COULD travel light! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1081 Yeah, it's like the withdrawal scene in Trainspotting with the visions coming out of the ceiling, except unlike Trainspotting, all the crap from my own life is obviously extremely boring 1.1702 0.08228 47 43 0 4
1082 I told you I wouldn't take this lying down. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1083 Wow, do you have a female Murphy bed version? 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1084 So, this is not what you had in mind for work life balance? 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1085 Don't act like you've never had trouble getting out of bed. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1086 You're just jealous that you didn't think of it first. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1087 I said I wouldnt take this laying down! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1088 You think I'm going to take this lying down? 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1089 I ordered cafe au lait and they gave me cafe au Lit 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1090 You said that on this deal we have to go to the mattresses 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1091 I decided not to take your attitude lying down. On the other hand, comfort's important. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1092 What? You're just jealous you didn't think of it first. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1093 I'm finally getting in my snooze time. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1094 Couldn't make up my mind whether to come in or telework today. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1095 I've solved the, " I hate getting out of bed and going to work " dilemma for all mankind, forever! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1096 Trump University - what else? 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1097 I really need to sleep on this decision. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1098 I'm working from home. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1099 But you said I could work from home! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1100 Do I have to spell it out for you? It's called multitasking. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1101 Well, I wasn't going to take it laying down! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1102 My wife short-sheeted me, and I didn't want to be late for work. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1103 The bed got up on the wrong side of me this morning. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1104 Hopefully the home office deduction still exists in the new tax code! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1105 I warned you that we're going to the mattresses on this. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1106 It helps me get a jump on the traffic 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1107 I'm Som Nambulist, your productivity consultant. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1108 The office is no place for your pillow talk! 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1109 It's called "life-hacking", Dave. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1110 This is what you get for calling a 6 a.m. meeting. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1111 What, you think I slept my way to the top? 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1112 But you said you wanted more efficiency out of your employees! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1113 I'm erect and ready for business. Think this will satisfy her? 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1114 thought i'd make it a bit easier for you and management to fuck me over and over and over like you always do 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1115 I know I am late! I couldn't get out of bed. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1116 This aint my idea of pillow talk. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1117 What?! I'm multi-tasking! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1118 A working breakfast in bed is too a thing. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1119 Well, if you're gonna make us use standing desks! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1120 what makes you think I can't multitask? 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1121 It's called memory foam, this should help increase my production. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1122 I told you I wasn't getting out of bed for this. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1123 I am not lying 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1124 I'm the new intern for the 24/7 shift. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1125 I thought you said we were "going to the mattresses". 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1126 What made you think I was kidding? 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1127 Now you can't accuse me of getting out on the wrong side. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1128 And then the Genie just disappeared! 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1129 The employee manual only says that I cannot lie down in my office. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1130 Upside: No commuting. Downside: I catch a lot of sheet. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1131 Sorry not sorry, dad, but I’m gonna bail on Bring Your Millennial to Work Day. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1132 What!!? You said today was "business casual!! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1133 I'm fed up with these millennials always asking for a better work/life balance! 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1134 I thought I'd take a sick day at work. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1135 I'm working from bed today. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1136 Don't knock it til you've tried it. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1137 Restroom breaks are the only problem. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1138 You said we were going to pull all-nighters, right? 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1139 I had a dream about work last night. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1140 The doctor told me not to get out of bed. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1141 I forgot my pants. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1142 If the blanket's over my head, don't disturb me. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1143 You have a lot of a nerve staying awake on the job! 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1144 Yeah, I know; I have a tendency to get ahead of myself." 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1145 At our meeting you didn't finish "Goodnight Moon"! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1146 My wife says men are bad at multi-tasking. I'm out to prove her wrong. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1147 Sorry I'm late, but I just couldn't get out of bed 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1148 Before condemning it, I thought I should at least experience life as a pocket protector. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1149 So you can't think of one goddam funny thing to say? I'm walking around in a bed at work and you don't think thats funny? Because let me tell you something it's funny ok, it's funny! 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1150 C'mon - a couple weeks ago, Woodbridge got that hamster-wheel desk. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1151 Again, I was downsized, so I now have a position working out of my bed. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1152 What side did I get up on now? 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1153 What? What's the problem? I choose comfort as my lifestyle! 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1154 My doctor put me on bed rest to reduce work stress. 1.1702 0.08228 47 43 0 4
1155 I thought it was bring your bed to work day?! 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1156 My chiropractor said I should work at a sleeping desk. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1157 If it's all the same to you, I thought I'd work from the office this morning. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1158 No one at the office has my back. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1159 I don't see how this qualifies as sleeping on the job 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1160 NOW who got up on the wrong side of the bed? Huh? 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1161 Everyone says naps help productivity. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1162 The company's future: 24/7. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1163 If you're not floating in the air, then I must be standing up. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1164 I’m just living the dream. 1.1702 0.05541 47 39 8 0
1165 I'm ready for court. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1166 I thought we valued work-life balance. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1167 If you can excuse me, I'm trying to work. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1168 He said, "You can leave anytime you like, but you can never check out." 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1169 I know getting dressed in bed is odd, but how did you get stuck to my ceiling? 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1170 I'm flying United. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1171 AS SEEN ON TV......ALL - IN - ONE TRAVEL PACKAGE ....$19.95 X 5. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1172 I'm duct taping myself to the next United Airlines flight. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1173 Sorry Boss. Just couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1174 Life is prioritization, Collins. 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1175 My doctor told me to stay in bed. 1.1702 0.06321 47 40 6 1
1176 Treadmill desks were, oh, so 21st century. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1177 Torn between work and home 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1178 Murphy's Law not Murphy Bed! 1.1702 0.07646 47 42 2 3
1179 You told me to save money on overhead. 1.1702 0.07015 47 41 4 2
1180 I have a doctor's note! 1.1667 0.06745 42 36 5 1
1181 Well, you did tell me I'd have to pull and all nighter. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1182 I will now be available 24 hours a day 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1183 Well, you said "Be prepared to work thru the night"! I'm prepared!! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1184 Look. Casual Friday was YOUR idea. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1185 And now you know why my clothes look like they've been slept in! 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1186 Yes, I'm a morning person. Duh. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1187 I blame daylight saving time. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1188 Well how about you give me "your" definition of blanket purchase orders. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1189 Of course you beat me at racquetball! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1190 Home office, office home. Same diff. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1191 My wife says I'm married to my job. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1192 Tell me the story about best practices for cash flow management. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1193 I know you expect us to "eat & sleep" our work, but I need a desk! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1194 What?! Some things are easier to take lying down. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1195 What do you mean this isn't a realistic lifestyle? 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1196 Like I said, I can do this job in my sleep. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1197 But I have completely eliminated my commuting expenses. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1198 If the market sours, I've got something to fall back on. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1199 Haven't heard of it? It's called work-life integration. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1200 Why not? You've always accused me of being asleep on the job... 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1201 You think I need more face time at the office and I think I need to be able to work from home. This way we both win. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1202 Wake up! That tie doesn't go with that mattress. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1203 Ask me how to save more on your car insurance. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1204 I hate "Commute From Bed Day." 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1205 Just tell 'em I'll be ready 24/7. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1206 The language in my contract clearly says to strive to make this my "dream" job. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1207 This is how I work at home. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1208 You told me to stay in bed. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1209 As a millennium, if I happen to fall asleep at work, I have a right to be comfortable. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1210 I know that the company is trimming costs but couldn't I get a futon? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1211 Dickinsheets, the name is Dickinsheets. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1212 We pulled out of NAP-TA. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1213 I am here for my sleep study. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1214 It's a Murphy Bed Desk; I'll fold up and you'll never even know I'm sleeping. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1215 "I told you, it's the flu. Now do you believe me? 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1216 Why.....do I look like I slept here? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1217 No I didn't get out of bed on the wrong side! I just feel like I've been up all night. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1218 What do you mean, you think I'm sleeping on the job? Whatever gave you that idea? 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1219 I took your advise. I am embracing work-life integration. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1220 I'm virtical integration! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1221 I'm dressing for the job I want. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1222 I thought you promised me Business Class this time. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1223 No, I've never heard of the legendary Nap-man! 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1224 Monday Morning . 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1225 Keith describes his latest nightmare. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1226 My God, man, are you blind? It's a CALIFORNIA King! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1227 That's the last time I stay at a Military Inn! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1228 Bring Your Bed to Work Day has one major flaw... 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1229 I can work 24/7. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1230 And we'll close the deal with a slumber party. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1231 I thought this is what you meant when you said work life balance! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1232 They cut my travel budget. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1233 Yes, this is how I sleep and, more interestingly, why are you floating horizontally above me? 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1234 I really am the President of Mattress Firm. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1235 You laugh, but my hotel expenses are zero. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1236 This is the best management could come up with for an ADA accommodation for my narcolepsy? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1237 Pajamas, I don't need no stinkin pajamas. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1238 I know, Tom, but it's what the Millennials want. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1239 I feel I'm ready for whatever today throws at me! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1240 But... they're my comfort items! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1241 Just pulled an 'all nighter'. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1242 As a matter of fact, I did get up on the wrong side of the bed. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1243 I don't need a big office Mr. Murphy, just give me a hole in the wall. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1244 No! Working from home has not changed my habits. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1245 I'm planning to sleep on the job. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1246 Sleep Schmeep--I'm living the dream, man! 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1247 What? You said it was casual Friday! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1248 I just can't stop working 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1249 I've decided to make the most of this narcolepsy and get a sleeping desk. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1250 How can you expect me to fall asleep holding all this crap? 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1251 I'm not going to lie down and take it anymore. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1252 Multitasking is the key to success, Jim! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1253 I plan on utilizing every second of my afternoon power nap. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1254 Where am I supposed to put my laptop? 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1255 It's all about work and personal life balance boss 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1256 What? Bedder late than never. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1257 Push my 8.30 to 9.30 and tell Johnson Super Glue Wednesdays are cancelled moving forward. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1258 Would you please push me to the nearest Starbucks? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1259 Standing desk? No this is my new bed-desk... 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1260 What do you mean I didn’t win Employee of the Month?!?!?! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1261 I get more work done before I get out of bed than most people do all night long. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1262 I'm defending a client who works nights. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1263 This is supposedly how they do it in Europe. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1264 Inspired by my pet turtle. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1265 Doctor's orders, Sir: "Stay in bed till you are no longer contagious." 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1266 So you're saying I can't sleep in the office? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1267 I'm not wearing any pants 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1268 If it weren't for the suit-and-tie pajamas I'd feel pretty silly working today. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1269 I'm pulling an all-morninger. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1270 This is what they came up with to save money when we go on business trips ! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1271 It's called a 24/7 mattress, for a longer lasting sleep. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1272 If you want to get ahead in this world, Baxter, you'll have to learn how to multi-task. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1273 I told you it was a tuck-in acquisition. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1274 So then she says, 'untuck yourself'. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1275 The Starbucks line was just so long. Oh, and traffic, yes, traffic was terrible this morning. 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1276 No stupid sleep study's gonna cut into my billable hours! 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1277 Clearly, your maids didn't read the "do not disturb" sign. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1278 I was part of the very early layoffs. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1279 Sleeping is not billable in and of itself. That's why I always bring work with. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1280 Deal with it. I do my best work in bed. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1281 I don't do trust falls. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1282 OK, no man-spreading. Nothing about bedspreading. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1283 Are you in my dream or am I in yours? 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1284 I hate it when the sheets are tucked too tight. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1285 I am a daydream believer. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1286 Okay. I agree to work late! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1287 I left my pants in Houston. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1288 But wait there's more! You also get these handy set of kitchen knives! 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1289 This is my interpretation of casual Friday. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1290 I needed a more supportive work environment. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1291 My hourly salary mustn't be lower than my sleep number. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1292 I'll power nap my way, you power nap yours. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1293 Hell yes, I'm fired up and ready to go! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1294 Face it. There is NOTHING funny about this. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1295 Doesn't this fit within casual Friday guidelines? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1296 I thought we were going to the mattresses? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1297 What? Do I have bed head? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1298 I told you I wasn't going to take this laying down! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1299 The doctor recommended bed rest, but you told me that I had no sick leave. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1300 Well, your HAIRCUT is "ridiculous," Dave! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1301 John, I am trying to relax at work just like you said I should. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1302 It's the latest micro apartment/office. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1303 I do not want to travel united again 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1304 Let's put this deal to bed right now. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1305 Don't just stand there. Butter me some toast. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1306 Standing desks are for deadbeat slackers 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1307 I am just following the new requirement of the office to use a stand up desk. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1308 What are you staring at? I told you I have the shortest commute in the office. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1309 When I asked what the dresscode was during our video interview you said, and I quote, "what you're in now is fine." 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1310 Doctors orders! You can take it up with HR. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1311 I don't know why I even bothered getting out of bedroom today! 1.1591 0.07926 44 40 1 3
1312 I do my best work in the sack. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1313 I refuse to take this lying down! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1314 What was I supposed to do? My doctor said I had to stay in bed! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1315 Forget advertising Fitbits to millennials; let's go after baby boomers with the power nap-pack. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1316 I hate these "take your bed to work " days. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1317 Now do you believe me when I say firm? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1318 Once you've worked at a standing desk there's no turning back. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1319 No doctor's orders are going to stop me from getting this deal through. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1320 I'm what they call one of the walking wounded. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1321 Not only am I going to work, I'm also cleaning my oven. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1322 The best thing about door to door mattress sales is that you don't have to wear pants. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1323 Stab me in the back once, shame on you.... 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1324 I said I wanted to be EMbedded! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1325 I'm the Secretary of Procrastination; the President is expecting me. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1326 Please, Brian, not another comment about my bed-head. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1327 After being up all night maid service worked around me. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1328 Working at home is not as easy as I thought it would be. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1329 What would you have done if you couldn't find your pants? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1330 It's Starbucks' new bedtime brew. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1331 You know Mr. Johnson, I'm not just selling a mattress, I'm selling a lifestyle. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1332 They say dress for the job you want. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1333 Hey, it's called multi-tasking! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1334 Yes Sir, correct: I refuse to give up my standing-room only bed for the hotel manager's assistant. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1335 Listen, if I'm not going to be late anymore then we have to compromise. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1336 You've heard of the standing desk? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1337 My Dad slept his way to the top and so can I. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1338 This doesn't soften the blow. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1339 What makes you think I've been sleeping on the job? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1340 I said soy milk you nitwit! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1341 Well then why call it 'Casual Friday'? 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1342 Your words said we'd get it done by 5 but your eyes said "all-nighter". 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1343 But sleep is the new black. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1344 What work/life balance? 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1345 I told you I wouldn't get out of bed for this again. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1346 I finally figured out my optimal ergonomics. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1347 What? I'm here... 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1348 What's your problem? My work is my life. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1349 We're testing this to fit in more first-class fliers -- Luxury Standing. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1350 I wish United had put me on the mattress before they dragged me off the plane. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1351 You told me to do something about my work-life balance. 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1352 Well, no one tells me what side of the damn bed I got out of now! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1353 Whoever thought of lazy Fridays is a genius. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1354 It was cheap, but I'll never stay at the Tumbling Dominoes Hotel again. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1355 I'm tired of pulling all nighters! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1356 The only problem is that the mug doesn't fit in the lunch box. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1357 I did not make this bed so I refuse to lie in it. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1358 I'M DON DRAPER BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT! 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1359 I suggest you sleep on it. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1360 I'm here on time aren't I? 1.1591 0.05578 44 37 7 0
1361 Normally I'm a big risk taker, but I feel stuck in my comfort zone lately. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1362 So we can wear jeans on Fridays but this is "unprofessional" 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1363 You said take the cheapest overnight flight, so I used FedEx. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1364 So you wear suction cup shoes and I am the weirdo here?! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1365 You want 24/7? I'll show you 24/7! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1366 I'm power nap ready. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1367 At least it's being supportive. 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1368 Even with the train problems, my commute seems to be easier. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1369 I promised my doctor that I'd stay in bed today. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1370 What do you mean, I should start putting my money in other places? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1371 Do you think this can count as a carry-on? 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1372 I will not take this lying down. 1.1591 0.07229 44 39 3 2
1373 I told you I was having trouble getting out of bed! 1.1591 0.06456 44 38 5 1
1374 How do you like my new Mobile Napp? 1.1556 0.05464 45 38 7 0
1375 How can you not see that I AM a multi-tasker!! 1.1556 0.07756 45 41 1 3
1376 Look, if I have to bring work home, then I'm bringing home to work. 1.1463 0.07458 41 37 2 2
1377 Working from home gets confusing at times. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1378 What? It's called Multitasking! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1379 I appreciate the upgrade but I specifically wanted Business Class 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1380 Remember our sleeping partner agreement. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1381 Bed is the new black. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1382 Did I mention I suffer from Narcolepsy? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1383 I could sell you this mug and briefcase in my sleep. 1.1429 0.08044 42 39 0 3
1384 They were out of the hat, so I got the vest. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1385 Their latest way to fit more seats into each plane. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1386 It's a service mattress. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1387 I'm sure today is "bring your bed to work" day. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1388 You won't see me sleeping at my desk ever again! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1389 You asked me to come prepared for anything! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1390 What?! You guaranteed work-life balance! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1391 Who says I've been sleeping my way to the top? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1392 Apparently, my sleep number is infinity. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1393 Her lawyer was really good! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1394 No Dammit! My names not Murphy. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1395 Give me a second and I'll dream up an explanation. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1396 Would you believe? I ordered a stand up desk, not a stand up bed. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1397 Business is ticking up. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1398 So I told her, OK, OK you win the superglue war! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1399 The Cheap Executive Home-Office-in-a-Bag pays for itself in no time, and throws in the mobile accessories. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1400 Long night. Don't ask. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1401 What's the problem? You said sleep on it. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1402 My new mattress is having separation anxiety. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1403 It's great for the office, but it's hell on the subway. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1404 I'm ready any time. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1405 What do you mean I have to pay rent? 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1406 It's the latest thing: power-sleeping. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1407 Sorry sir.... I slept in but I'm ready to go now! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1408 Well, it's certainly cut my commute. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1409 I had the strangest dream last night! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1410 The Godfather said "go to the mattresses". 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1411 You asked me to be at work before everyone else! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1412 I'm downsizing. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1413 Its casual Friday! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1414 You said 'Report to work with everything you need.' I'm a 24-7 guy. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1415 I've forgotten my SleepNumber. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1416 You're the one who banned Snuggies. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1417 With all these interruptions, how am I supposed to get any sleep done around here? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1418 And I quote, "Be a dreamer, Billy." 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1419 It's called "work/like balance," Bill. 1.1429 0.08044 42 39 0 3
1420 Murphy reporting for duty sir! 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1421 If God is God he is not good; If God is good he is not God. Take the even; take the odd. I would not sleep here if I could, but for the little green leaves in the wood and the wind on the water. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1422 This 24/7 job is starting to take its toll. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1423 You said I could have conjugal visits! 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1424 If I can't work from home, I'm gonna home from work 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1425 It's called a working siesta. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1426 This way, I can work 24/7! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1427 I just couldn't seem to get out of bed this morning. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1428 Well excuse me, I thought this was a sleep study. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1429 What do you mean 'it's a hackneyed metaphor!?' 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1430 It's a long commute 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1431 I said Murphy Business, not murphy bed. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1432 Sorry, the company sheets are in the wash. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1433 ''Of course I practice Murphy's law''. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1434 Murphy, this is really dumb 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1435 You want me to leave! I want my 'golden parachute!' That's what it's about. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1436 It’s my hit the road running stance, Willard. Keeps me on my toes. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1437 You better let me go. If I detonate this device you're going to get splattered with hot cocoa. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1438 Stop worrying... I've got this covered. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1439 Let me sleep on it then. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1440 You were the one who said "Work from home, you'll love it!" 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1441 I'm tucked. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1442 ...and then, they roughed me up and threw me off the plane. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1443 Who has time to make the bed? 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1444 What can I tell you it's now a 24 hour work day. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1445 I think its time we had a "bring your mattress" to work day! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1446 I read in the Times that sleep is the new status symbol. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1447 What?! I woke up on the wrong side of the bed again! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1448 Haven't quite gotten the hang of my new Murphy bed yet. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1449 So I'm guessing this means I've been sacked? 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1450 If only my parrot had nine lives. 1.1429 0.08044 42 39 0 3
1451 Behold our new overtime package. 1.1429 0.05465 42 36 6 0
1452 I'm not paying extra for horizontal. 1.1429 0.06440 42 37 4 1
1453 I'm instituting "Slumber Party" Sundays. 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1454 I decided to put our budget discussions to bed! 1.1429 0.07287 42 38 2 2
1455 I work better from my home office. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1456 Hiring SpongeBob was a masterstroke ... he really knows how to go the extra mile 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1457 We wouldn't have these awkward moments, Mike, if you would just let me work from home. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1458 You knew I was a narcoleptic when you hired me. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1459 It's advanced sleepwalking. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1460 I'm a corporate pig in a blanket! 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1461 What? I'm currently dealing with the "rise". I'll worry about the "shine" later. 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1462 What else do I need? Human Resources ran out of desks. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1463 The coffee didn't get me out of bed. 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1464 This time saving mechanism is how I made it to the top, Jones! 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1465 I told you, studies show that standing while working in bed adds five minutes to your life! 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1466 The only thing this mattress can't do - is get you a good night's sleep. 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1467 Per your order, you requested to have your morning accoutrements served while in bed, Sir. 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1468 Name's Murphy. Reporting for work, sir. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1469 This is the cheapest company I've ever been a salesman for. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1470 This Work-From-Home thing isn't that great. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1471 I'm not standing for this! 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1472 This allows me to daydream more soundly than ever. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1473 Autonomous Motel with Minimal Amenities? Try AMZA...Zero Amenities. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1474 Do I look like I have time to take down the Murphy bed? 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1475 At least now I get paid for it. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1476 I'm pretty sure this is what perfect "work-life balance" looks like, Devin, you jerk. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1477 I'm a stay-at-home dad 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1478 Lets negotiate! I don't get out of bed for what your paying me! 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1479 I need a bigger office and more $$$. 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1480 I'm all in. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1481 I like to be prepared for all possibilities when I work from home. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1482 Bet you can't tell me this is what your head hunter called 'my dream position' without cracking a smile. 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1483 This isn't what I had in mind when they said they would upgrade me to a lie-flat seat. 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1484 You need HOW many minutes for your honeymoon? 1.1395 0.05347 43 37 6 0
1485 All I am saying is maybe you don't know what multitasking means 1.1395 0.06298 43 38 4 1
1486 This IS business casual! 1.1395 0.07123 43 39 2 2
1487 I may as well be comfortable while I'm sleeping on the job. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1488 It's the new Mini Micro Airbnb. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1489 You too, can make millions in your sleep 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1490 Look, Rutherford, I was more productive when I worked from home. So this is how I roll now. Deal! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1491 Just couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1492 Bedbugs: If you can't beat 'em, train 'em! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1493 How can I compete with a walking scratch-post? 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1494 Since I take my work to bed every night, I figure why not save time? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1495 Why do people keep telling me I'm sleep-working? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1496 Don't you have a mattress that's a little more upwardly mobile? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1497 You asked me to be more efficient at what I do, and so I'm being more efficient at sleeping on the job! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1498 But I told you I have trouble getting out of bed on Monday's! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1499 I may hog the bed, but you never replace the roll! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1500 I'm a new man since I got an emotional support mattress. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1501 Working from home is great! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1502 I ran out of prozac 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1503 I specifically recall you saying you had a job for me and my twin. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1504 I'm not gonna lie to you, Dennis. It's a dream job. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1505 You told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1506 I'm telecommuting to work, of course. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1507 10 hour days for the last 8 years at my stand up desk lead to this! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1508 Brad just got a standing desk. Why can't I have a sleeping desk? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1509 I admit we still have a few bedbugs to work out. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1510 My doctor told me that the best cure for narcolepsy is "to walk it off"! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1511 Why waste time commuting? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1512 It's by backup plan if the golden parachute fails. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1513 Time for my power nap. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1514 Business makes strange bedfellows. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1515 No, sir, this is not featherbedding. My job is of great importance to the economy. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1516 They're fucking Brooks Brothers bedpants, Roger. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1517 What don't you get?! It's like Uber for mattresses! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1518 If I fall asleep during the meeting, then this attire IS work appropriate. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1519 I have my briefcase and my coffee - so what else do I need? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1520 Do you think I'm going to get a five star passenger rating wearing this? Do you? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1521 That wasn't in the employee orientation handbook. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1522 Is this what it's like to 'have it all'? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1523 I was supposed to be flying with my girlfriend, but she stood me up. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1524 The way the trains have been running I thought I 'd grab a few winks on the way in. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1525 How am I suppose to tie my shoes? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1526 How else am I supposed to work in a power nap at my standing desk? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1527 Our consultants are telling us 12 hours is the new 4 hours. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1528 If those millennials say one more thing about a relaxed work environment... 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1529 No, it's Murphey with and "e." 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1530 I can't help it business made me a strange bed fellow. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1531 Well, you asked for ideas that would be disruptive to Airbnb. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1532 It's a homeopathic remedy for high blood pressure. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1533 Riding the subway with this thing was a nightmare. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1534 I shouldn't have taken early retirement. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1535 I'm multi-tasking for a better FitBit score 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1536 Stay away from the layaway plan. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1537 It's a new technique for overcoming jet lag. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1538 Then why is it call a 'restroom?' 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1539 You're on the wrong side of my bed, Bob. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1540 Who put me in this Murphy bed? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1541 $20,000.00 paid to an efficiency consultant, and this is what he came up with! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1542 I'm not going to take this tax reform business lying down. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1543 I'm going to market it to sleepwalkers---that's who! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1544 What? I'm the C.E.O. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1545 Segway Murphy, take me to my stand-up desk 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1546 How was I supposed to know not to remove the tags? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1547 I told you I never get out of bed on Sat. before noon 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1548 You told me stay in bed, right? That's what I'm doing! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1549 It's for the tax deduction. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1550 I’m available on the smart phone 24/7, so why not? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1551 It's the new edict from Time Management. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1552 I knew something was off. I'm left handed. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1553 If you are too mingy for first class then I must improvise; it's called initiative. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1554 Why did you give me Murphy's old office? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1555 First the standup desk and now this? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1556 I do my best work in bed. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1557 No it's not a stupid bed. It's a smart bed and I'm an early adapter. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1558 I have a doctor's note for this. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1559 Think 'Standing Desk,' only better. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1560 Bring your bed to work" won out over "office sushi bar" and the "hot yoga break room. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1561 All I'm asking is that you reconsider the new policy calling for more multitasking. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1562 Really, I'm not still dreaming? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1563 So, what makes you think I'm a congressional lobbyist? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1564 It started last night when I couldn't find my jammies. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1565 So he fires me just because I slept in once or twice! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1566 Well then the Doctor should have been more specific – she knows I’m a lawyer. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1567 Can you believe the subway is not even TWIN size bed accessible?! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1568 Well, you're the one who sent out the "Bring Your Twin to Work Day" email! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1569 I don't want a standing desk. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1570 I need to sleep on it! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1571 Lunchtime comes, I just fall backwards. My invention. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1572 My doctor told me this was the best way to treat narcolepsy. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1573 But you ad said bed and breakfast included. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1574 My wife tucked up and now I'm embedded. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1575 You wanted me in early. I didn't want to get out of bed. So let's compromise. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1576 Really George, When's the last time you got horizontal? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1577 I won't take this lying down 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1578 I'm taking multi-tasking to a whole new level! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1579 Yes, yes, but where's the cup holder? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1580 Sir, you said anyone could roll out of bed and do this job. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1581 You said it was a BYOB party. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1582 I'm working from home today! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1583 I wake up ready for anything. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1584 Sorry, just couldn't get out of bed today. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1585 I'm simplifying my life as I prepare for retirement. I call it the Mankoff. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1586 Dad, I'll try anything to fix the correlation I've found between getting out of bed and dying a little inside. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1587 WHY? Because of that damn "Stand-up Desk"! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1588 Yes, Carl I sleep on a bare mattress without a fitted sheet. Do you have a problem with that? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1589 Dude, you're like a total nightmare. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1590 What do you mean "we Americans work too much"? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1591 I home from work. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1592 You've been after me to multi-task! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1593 Now who is the real Napster now? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1594 Don't even try to drag me off this airplane! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1595 You told me to give it a rest! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1596 No! NATIONWIDE is on your side! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1597 The commercial said a better mattress would lead to more success at work. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1598 I don't know Mark, how else do you expect me to get in bed with new clients? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1599 It's not an excuse, dad. I was ready to go, but my ride stood me up. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1600 I'm taking it to the mattress with my competitors! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1601 This is what you get for having an 8 AM meeting. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1602 I'm sleep walking. Alright! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1603 Work-life balance, Duh. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1604 I really hate Bring Your Bed to Work Day. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1605 I cut my hair and got a suit like you wanted. I got a job like you wanted. But you're not gonna make me get out of bed, Dad! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1606 I'll show those snobs in First Class a thing or two about comfort in air travel! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1607 They never mentioned all these rules when they said I could work from home. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1608 I said I'd sleep on it. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1609 Working at home is easy. It's the commute that's a killer. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1610 Doc says it's work anxiety. Long as I change the sheets regularly no need for therapy. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1611 Mr. Murphy, I just don't think this concept will catch on. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1612 The doc says I have narcolepsy. It's only fair! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1613 I am sorry but this is casual Friday for me. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1614 Trying to get ahead board. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1615 What makes you think I find you boring? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1616 Add some memory foam to the latte -- and we're ready to roll out our Executive Model Murphy Bed ! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1617 Sorry I'm late, but you see I just hired a new maid and she's very good! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1618 We have the bored meeting today. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1619 At least I'm not late again. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1620 Fine, if you like living in a pocket protector. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1621 I figured I'm here all the time anyway, and my chair just isn't cutting it anymore! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1622 After sleeping on it, I think I have a solution. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1623 Boss caught me daydreaming again!! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1624 I know I know.... Apparently it is take your mattress to work week, and I don't like it either. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1625 Working from home was always much easier! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1626 It came with my Powernap App. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1627 You can see that I have "get-up and go" as a morning person. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1628 What do you mean you've never heard of 'sleep-through' Mondays? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1629 Have bed will travel! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1630 ...and he told me to make sure I was not late again! 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1631 How many times do I have to tell you, multitasking is the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1632 But does it convey my ability to multi-task? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1633 Over my bed body. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1634 Oh! No, not another traveling salesman. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1635 I swear once I find who superglued me to my bed they are going to be demoted to janitor! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1636 Well, TUCK YOU, TOO! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1637 I was told I'd be a King. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1638 I can handle any sleep number! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1639 Well I'm sorry, steward, but my idea of a bed in First Class is a little more horizontal. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1640 What? You said I could work from home. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1641 Don't look so smug. It's not easy being the Jolly Green Giant's pocket protector. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1642 So, I got a Murphy job! It's retro! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1643 Never heard of work/life balance? 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1644 Yes, upholding Murphy's Law should be easier than this. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1645 I don't get out of bed for less than $100K 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1646 The location ain't great, but it's month to month. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1647 I've come as 'Mr. Trump Goes to Moscow.' You? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1648 The future of self-driving vehicles. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1649 I'm sorry, boss, but I don't get out of bed for less than a healthcare plan I can actually benefit from. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1650 Am I too early? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1651 This model is the most comfortable of all our standing workstations. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1652 It's a marketing ploy... this is really a futon. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1653 Yes, I'm you ten years from now. What is it you don't like? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1654 You told me to put something comfortable on. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1655 Treadmill desks are SO last year. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1656 I have an important meeting in the morning. I'll need to hit the deck running. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1657 Oh, I'm dressed to meet the day's possibilities. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1658 When they said sleep your way to the top, this is not what I had in mind. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1659 You look disturbed. " did I forget something " ? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1660 Doctor, I'd like to go back to the couch!!! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1661 Never mind airbnb. I'm self-contained. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1662 Your wife invited me to work from home. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1663 I figure this way I'll sure as hell get that worm. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1664 You promised a good night's sleep. So where is it? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1665 Bob, there has got to be a better way to treat your narcolepsy 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1666 And I got into bed with some pretty nasty businessmen. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1667 You don't want to see the wrong side. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1668 I just couldn't get out of bed. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1669 My mattress adjusts to "marsupial." 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1670 It states " Memory " something, I thought it would be helpful. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1671 But Boss, I do my best thinking when asleep. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1672 I hate working 24/7. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1673 It's called power napping Mr. Judgeypants. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1674 If you won't let me work from home, I'll home from work 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1675 Can't you see I'm tired of taking my work home! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1676 ...And this constant whining from my staff about 'work/life' balance! What *is* that anyway? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1677 The doctor said work less and sleep more. Do you have a better idea? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1678 This is as close to your "work from home" initiative I could get. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1679 Haven't you heard? Bed desks are the new standing desks. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1680 And on top of it all, the worst part of it is getting short-sheeted. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1681 But honey, you know I’d NEVER go to work in a double bed. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1682 I'm an entry-level business traveler working my way up to Diamond Platinum Elite - I thought you'd be proud of me! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1683 I want off the pop tart account! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1684 I take it you haven't heard of 'Multi-Tasking!' 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1685 And you can't see the plumbing. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1686 At least I'm working from home. What do you want me to do now!? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1687 It wouldn't let me go! 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1688 I was told that pillow talk can be very revealing. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1689 After work at home comes work a-bed. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1690 I won't take your constructive feedback lying down. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1691 Well, Mr. Murphy, you told me to sleep on it. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1692 What? I ran out of sick days. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1693 My sleep number is none of your damn business! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1694 Didn't you say the office was supposed to be our second home? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1695 Well, you look like an unmade bed. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1696 #Mattresslife 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1697 Not now! I'm taking a power nap. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1698 It's my office -- I sell mattresses. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1699 Mr. Murphy I presume?" "No, Murphy is my first name. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1700 Doctor said I need bedrest but I'm not losing the Jacobson account to Janice in marketing. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1701 I do NOT just roll out of bed and come to the office! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1702 I am Not lying around on the job! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1703 I'm going for the elusive work-life balance 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1704 We'll go with your pitch next time! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1705 One more Airbnb and you'll be DOA. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1706 I'm sorry, as a consultant I have to be embedded in your office. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1707 Dude... what do you mean I'm taking The Godfather too literally? 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1708 Brought everything - One of THOSE MEETINGS is scheduled today. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1709 I tried to negotiate a golden parachute, but this was all they'd give me. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1710 Yes, I was a Boy Scout. Why do you ask? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1711 And it was hell getting on the subway. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1712 I had a nightmare that the alarm clock rang and I slept right through it. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1713 The job listing said 'Be ready to work 24/7' so here I am. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1714 My company really encourages us to sleep remotely. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1715 I lost a bet with Murphy! 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1716 Ok, so I'm a little confused about the new work-at-home policy. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1717 Still working on the toilet thing. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1718 I was tired of regretting it. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1719 You never know what tomorrow brings and I want to be ready for it. 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1720 ...No one ever got a bedsore from a Murphy Bed. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1721 You are firing me because I'm late? Well, I refuse to take this lying down! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1722 Didn't you say work-life balance, boss? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1723 It's a perk that came with full partnership in the firm Simmons, Serta, and Sealy. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1724 He just said 'take up your Sleep Number and walk!' 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1725 And then they kicked me off the flight just because I was taking up eight seats! 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1726 Frankly, I found the standing desk obnoxious. 1.1282 0.06550 39 35 3 1
1727 Depending on how you look at it, this is either a triumph of multitasking or the regrettable result of combining ADD with a Murphy bed. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1728 I see it's not going to be til death do us part, so may I, at least, have the fitted sheet that came with the mattress? 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1729 What?! I got your email about the meeting after Johnson said I could work from home. 1.1282 0.07510 39 36 1 2
1730 Murphy, James Murphy! 1.1282 0.05423 39 34 5 0
1731 Having that "going to work with no clothes on" dream again? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1732 My firm eliminated their hotel stipend. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
1733 What the hell am I supposed to do without my teddy bear? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1734 Work, not home, is the priority, you said. And I refuse to take my work home. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1735 I got here on time but I'm not wearing pants. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1736 What do you mean "Horizontal is for Closers"? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1737 I'm on time, aren't I? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1738 It's push, push, push, all the way, all the time, right on down the line. Push, push, push! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1739 Why do you call it 'comfy Friday' then??!! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1740 I didn't want to be late for the meeting. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1741 Ready to Rumble 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1742 This bed rest is a lot of work. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1743 I work at The Circle. 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1744 What? It's Monday! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1745 "I'm still workin' on Casual Fridays. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1746 They overbooked my first class seat 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1747 I hate the new "weekend business casual" dress code. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1748 Micro naps improve my productivity. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1749 How else am I supposed to get any sleep? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1750 It's almost as good as a day off. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1751 Well I wouldn't be late if you let me wear my pajamas to work! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1752 You promised me a story. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1753 It's a commercial for bed, box, and brew. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1754 If I get horizontal, I'll miss my train in the morning. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1755 Alan, seriously, sleep deprivation is prevalent today and I'm no longer sleepy in the afternoons. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1756 I told you I would come to work even if too sick to get out of bed! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1757 Go away, I'm taking my power nap. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1758 It's a power lunch and power nap rolled into one. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1759 Still not fast enough, now let's try this again. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1760 I'm good at multitasking. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1761 The doctor said I need 8 hours of sleep everyday, so... 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1762 It's Wednesday. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1763 So, I told the boss I refuse to take my work home with me, and.... 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1764 To succeed in business, you gotta think ahead. 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1765 You can't fire me I'm 'Bed Guy', everybody loves my bed antics! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1766 My doctor said it's good for my low back pain. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1767 Ok; but not if means gettting out of bed. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1768 My wife left me because she said our lovemaking was too formal. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1769 The doctor said I have to stay in bed, she didn't say I couldn't go back to work. 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1770 The rent is so high now days! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1771 Let's put this deal to bed, already! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1772 The pillow is uncomfortable. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1773 Well I'm here, aren't I?! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1774 I've been up all night and haven't slept a wink. 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1775 When I called and said I was staying in bed and you fired me, I was shocked. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1776 I'll be working from home now. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1777 There's no lying down on this job! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1778 But the dress code says business casual! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1779 You've never had one of those days when you couldn't get out of bed? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1780 I woke up like this, alright? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1781 I thought you said this was undercover deal. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1782 Guess what? "I CAN do this job lying down!" 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1783 No, I wasn't sleeping, I was multi-tasking! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1784 Are you satisfied now? I told you I couldn't get out of bed today. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1785 Bring your bed to work day 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1786 I'm sorry, I must not have heard you right, tell me again, exactly HOW do I go the bathroom? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1787 Chadwick, this isn't what I meant when I said I wanted more work/life balance. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1788 Does this make me look fat? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1789 I'm testing an idea for a new concept -- a Bed, Breakfast and Boardroom. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1790 You accuse me of sleeping on the job and think I'm going to take this lying down? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1791 Self-care prevents burnout. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1792 You canceled our telecommute and I need my beauty rest. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1793 Gotta go back. I forgot my lightsaber. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1794 You told me to stay in bed. You didn't tell me to sleep. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1795 What do you mean this isn't a carry-on? 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1796 I have an early check out. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1797 It beats paying for a room! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1798 No... I don't think I forgot to do anything this morning. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1799 I AM here for the 7am meeting! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1800 I promise I won't steal any towels. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1801 Hey! If it was a double bed, I'd have someone in here with me a whole lot better looking than you! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1802 I was all set for today's meeting - I just forgot to set the alarm! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1803 I sleepwalk. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1804 Go get me my bath and beyond. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1805 I'm disrupting Casual Friday. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1806 Don't worry. I'll nap when I get to the office. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1807 Sorry, man. This has a serious no subletting clause. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1808 ...and it still can't get any thing done. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1809 This enables me to be productive with time normally spent commuting, dressing, or bathing. 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1810 The doctor said I shouldn't get out of bed. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1811 Power nap! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1812 I'll show you multi-tasking! 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1813 This TrumpCare sucks! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1814 This Business Class version of Airbnb needs improvement 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1815 It eliminates the commute. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1816 What difference does it make? I'm here. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1817 You told me to sleep on it. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1818 This isn't the role play I had in mind. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1819 Nobody rests harder than me. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1820 What makes you think I was sleeping on the job? 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1821 You asked me to come in a half hour early. What'd you expect?! 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1822 Sir, I told you I was stuck in bed! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1823 You said, "No lying down on the job." 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1824 My boss told me to go home and sleep on it. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1825 Do I look like I have time to work from home?!! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1826 At least this is better than last week, when I thought I was dreaming and came to work without my pants. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1827 Corporate told me to start multi-tasking! 1.1111 0.07744 36 34 0 2
1828 I've mastered multitasking. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1829 Isn't it Bring Your Bed To Work Day? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1830 This is not what I meant when I said I needed some R and R. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1831 Hey! You said 'Get dressed and get to work.', you never said anything about getting out of bed! 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1832 How dare you say that I've been sleeping on the job? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1833 I'm done with flying coach. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1834 Ever since I got up this morning I feel like I forgot to do something 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1835 Consider the nap room obsolete 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1836 Geez Larry--don't you even know how to power nap? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1837 Doc says bed rest will lower the blood pressure. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1838 It's a protest against my employers. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1839 What memo? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1840 It's my next step. It's called working from home at work. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1841 "The doctor recommended that I take more naps". 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1842 What? Didn't you know it's "bring your bed to work day"? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1843 Overslept again Mr. Sandman ? 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1844 Those Metro-North train conductor was such a jerk this morning! 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1845 I am on United economy class 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1846 Don't dress for the job you have--dress for the job you want. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1847 The doctor put me on bed rest. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1848 I believe I'm in compliance with the new casual dress code policy. 1.1111 0.06640 36 33 2 1
1849 What do you mean this is unacceptable! You told me not to hit the snooze button so I could be here 30min early. Well I'm here 30min early! Now leave me alone so I can get back to sleep and hit the snooze button a few times. 1.1111 0.05312 36 32 4 0
1850 What? You have a standing desk. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
1851 I should never have told them how much I like the stand-up desk. 1.1081 0.06465 37 34 2 1
1852 What? You’ve never heard of sleep working? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1853 Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed that early, but you avoid all the traffic. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1854 I take it you've not been on a business trip before, Jones? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1855 It's a daddy adventure back pack. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1856 Yeah, I know. The comfort package seemed like a good idea when I put in the order for my reclining workstation. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1857 Well, then, what DID you mean by 'coffee break'? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1858 I hate getting out of bed to go to work, OK? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1859 Getting through the tunnel was a nightmare this morning! 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1860 Ever since the election, I haven’t been able to get out of bed. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1861 You don't just get out of bed looking *this* good! 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1862 No, I'm not happy to see you. That banana is my breakfast. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1863 Then what exactly did you mean by ‘going to the mattresses’? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1864 Way better than that standing desk fad. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1865 I just can't seem to get out of bed this morning! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1866 I always sleep like this; I'm ready to go in the morning. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1867 I'm sleeping my way to the top. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1868 This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1869 I know it's not Halloween day, but this is going to be a long day; so I decided to come in dressed how I feel today, so don't mind me. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1870 Sleep is the new status symbol. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1871 I've done some of my best work on this bed. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1872 What? You haven't read "Swaddling for Executives"? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1873 I'm no morning person, so I get as ready as possible the night before a big meeting. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1874 Please don’t hit the red button again! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1875 It said "Tesla wants you to fall asleep in L.A. and wake up in NYC." Can you get me out of my seat belt though? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1876 It's like a standing desk, only with all the comforts of lying down. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1877 Boss, I AM getting work done telecommuting. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1878 Sir, did you order this cocked bed? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1879 It's not pretty, but it's gig-centric. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1880 "What's the big deal Gary? You have a standing desk. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1881 Well, at least I didn't get up on the wrong side of the bed. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1882 This is the last warning for sleeping on the job! 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1883 'Same day delivery and we can wrap up the deal' 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1884 I promise not to sleep on the job 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1885 Multitasking: you got a problem with that? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1886 I know, but you didn't think standing desks would take off either. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1887 I'm sorry but I just couldn't get out of bed today. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1888 If I can sell My Pillow, I certainly sell these other items on TV. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1889 I thought this would be my dream job 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1890 You see what I am saying about my working hours? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1891 The cleaners lost my pants! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1892 We need to talk about our "sleeping arrangement." Like most things, you get used to it. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1893 I have something in my teeth, don't I? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1894 I know you guys want an early start but this is ridiculous. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1895 Hey! Don't take me out of my comfort zone, man! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1896 Last week's trust fall didn't go as well as I had hoped. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1897 See if they snicker about my bed head now. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1898 I still think flying first class is a bargain. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1899 I'm tired of hearing I got up on the wrong side of the bed. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1900 I can do it in my sleep, Richard. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1901 Next thing you know we'll all be lounging around in our bath robes. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1902 But I've solved the problem about what side of the bed is the right side to get out on! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1903 I came to work in bed which appears to have angered you. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1904 Now if I could only figure out how to shower, I would never have to leave my bed 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1905 Pants are sooo last week! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1906 It used to just be breakfast. Now it's 3 squares and 12 hours on the job. I may never get out of bed..... 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1907 Those jokers over in HR found out about my narcolepsy. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1908 Mono? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1909 Well I mean you have heard of a standing desk right?! 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1910 What do you mean I'm always lying down on the job?!? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1911 Do I look like I slept well???? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1912 what do you mean the Ambien counters the coffee? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1913 It's not my fault, they only had decaf! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1914 ...But you said you wanted a guy who could stand on his own two feet and be ready for anything 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1915 I told you, I'm not getting out of bed for that job. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1916 It may be a full-size mattress, but I have king-size ideas. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1917 If you hire me, I promise I'll work 24/7. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1918 I feel like the Center of the World. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1919 Asleep on the job sir?... Why that's absurd! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1920 Mr. Murphy, I see that you are finally ready to work! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1921 Like it? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1922 I'm a horizontal man in a vertical world. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1923 You didn't think I was getting out of bed for this, did you? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1924 Listen Dear, you said "Get dressed for work." I did it. What else do you want? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1925 I'm OK with cuts to the travel budget, but this is ridiculous! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1926 I had a little trouble getting out of bed this morning. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1927 There's no 'out there,' Jerome. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1928 I'm multi tasking per my employment agreement. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1929 I don't do decaf. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1930 "Not only do you show great dedication to the company Fred, but you don't even have the slightest 'bed head'! 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1931 I didn't get out of bed for this! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1932 Sure, I can work more hours but there's no place for my stuff. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1933 Everyone has a different comfort zone. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1934 But boss, I am the king of multitasking! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1935 Well, I'm still sleeping on it. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1936 Just be glad I wasn't in the bathroom when you called. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1937 Doc said bed rest, landlord said I still had to pay rent.. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1938 It rides like a dream. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1939 Can you believe they wanted me to gate check the mattress? They counted the pillow as my "personal item" 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1940 I couldn't quite get out of bed this morning. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1941 So easy I can do it in my sleep! 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1942 You call this a perk? I should never have left Google. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1943 I said I wasn't getting out of bed and I meant it. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1944 I'm your new Murphy assistant 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1945 And there's also a pajama option for weekends. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1946 The commute was hell this morning. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1947 The hotel bed sheets were tucked in too damn tight. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1948 It's all part of the 24/7 MO." 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1949 Where are the dog and the paper? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1950 What? I thought it was casual Friday 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1951 You told me you didn't want me working from home. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1952 I'm rested, got my espresso and your directives in my briefcase and ready to work in my cubicle, what's your problem? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1953 24/7 means 24/7. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1954 This is how we multi-task in Hypoluxo, Florida. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1955 Isn't this what going from the bedroom to the boardroom actually means? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1956 I'm here on time ready to go, isn't that enough? 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1957 I'll tell you, this new job is really cushy! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1958 I'm a lucid dreamer. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1959 I asked for two sugars. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1960 The commute was killing me, boss. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1961 I told you I need paid sick days. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1962 Sleep number infinity, baby. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1963 And that's MY superpower! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1964 Yeah, and how do you power nap? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1965 I can be a minimalist and still believe in bedside tables. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1966 I know Tom, no coffee in the bed. You're also not supposed to interrupt nap time. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1967 I'm ready 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1968 Murphy's Law, Murphy bed. No difference. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1969 Jim, I'm wait for an explanation as to why you put a sleeping bag over your mattress. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1970 I'm trying to juggle work and my life. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1971 This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said you could work from home 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1972 I believe there IS room for sexual harassment in the workplace. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1973 I call it the human pocket guard. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1974 Plus, it has a full autonomous driverless mode. 1.0938 0.06897 32 30 1 1
1975 I told you I'd never be late again ! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1976 I had trouble getting out of bed, OK? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1977 My doctor has confined me to bed. Where's our ten o'clock? 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1978 What do you mean this doesn't constitute 'work - life balance'! 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1979 Yes, I am tired of this conversation. 1.0938 0.05235 32 29 3 0
1980 And they say we're not good at multitasking. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1981 I never take sick days off. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1982 I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1983 i must be dreaming 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1984 Take the briefcase and the mug. Otherwise, the airline will charge extra. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1985 This IS a dream. Pinch me. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1986 The chocolate caramel was nice, but I requested a standing desk with my turndown service. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1987 I'm out the door in 45seconds! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1988 "I'll get out of bed when I'm good and ready! Now let's finish this stupid briefing! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1989 I'm a 24/7 company guy. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1990 I used to be a one-man band. I couldn't make a living so I gave in and went corporate. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1991 I wasn't sleeping on the job! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1992 I have a feeling this is not going to make as good a novel. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1993 Do you know how much I save with Err bnb? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1994 Why risk getting out on the wrong side? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1995 You asked me to "sleep on it!" 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1996 yeah, after last time, you can be sure that I wasn't going to risk getting up on the wrong side of the bed again. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1997 So this is your idea of bed and breakfast? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
1998 He's having a whale of a time with that cat. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
1999 I'm ready for anything that comes along 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2000 What!? I thought you said it was casual Friday! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2001 Why do you keep calling me bed head? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2002 No I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2003 I thought you said I could work from home... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2004 What did you expect??? I told you I put that deal to bed last night! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2005 Since the election, I can't get out of bed in the morning. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2006 I got lightheaded during baggage pickup. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2007 I know how it looks, but I save a lot of time on my commute. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2008 Tell me this is all just a bad dream. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2009 I don't get it! I'm here. I'm ready to go! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2010 It's hard to get out of bed when you keep bringing me decaf! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2011 I am not your breakfast sandwich! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2012 Well, my doctor told me I need to spend at least 8 hours a day in bed. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2013 You have a problem with a power nap!? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2014 If you're going to catch me sleeping on the job, I might as well make it worth your while. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2015 All right, all right, I'll volunteer to give up my seat. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2016 I'll be working at home today. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2017 When I asked for R & R ........ this is not what I had in mind. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2018 I'm in the third stage of sleepwalking. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2019 My doctor said I need another week of bed rest. Now let's kick some butt! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2020 I know, your wondering where the girl who sells kisses is. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2021 Haven't you ever pulled an all-nighter? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2022 "It's got a thousand different automated settings," she said. "How far will the bottom third fold over?" I said. "Let's try it," she said. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2023 Ishmael's a pussy. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2024 I took work home once too often. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2025 And just WHERE, might I ask, am I to find the lap for my laptop? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2026 You SAID I needed improvement in multi-tasking. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2027 I want to make sure to get the most out of your Powerpoint presentation today. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2028 And to think I left extra early to get a king size parking place and it was already full! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2029 I really need this job. Trust me. I can handle the commute. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2030 This is the working version of my dream. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2031 I suffer from a rare combination of OCD and narcolepsy. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2032 Nothing like a good night's sleep! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2033 I wake up ready. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2034 Who says you can't stay in bed and get ahead? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2035 I thought you said you wanted to maximize efficiency! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2036 If you don't fund this concept, you're crazy! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2037 I can do this job in my sleep! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2038 I know, I know...I'm late again ! But the whole trip took longer than I anticipated. And to top it off I couldn't get on the elevator and had to take the stairs. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2039 Why do you say time management is not my only problem? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2040 We've got to stop meeting like this. My wife's getting suspicious. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2041 Can't you see I'm standing firm towards your lack of support! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2042 What makes you think I'm disclosing information to our competition? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2043 When I say 'to the mattresses', you know what I mean !!! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2044 It's a mobile pea-detector, of course. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2045 Why would the client think I just want to sleep with them? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2046 I checked. There are no sick days in my contract. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2047 It was a helluva commute today. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2048 I wanted to assure you I will be working on your case day and night! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2049 I represent the Kardashians. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2050 I don't understand it either -- my wife told me that when I return home from work that I'm so exhausted that I'm worthless. She instructed me that it would be better if when I slept I remained erect. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2051 Why can't I do a bed-in for productivity? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2052 I brought my bed because my dog didn't want to come to work today. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2053 There's Nothing Like " My Pillow " Made In USA . 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2054 Excellent observation. Let me direct you to the Suggestion Box. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2055 Walk-outs are for wimps! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2056 I think my Roomba hooked up with my Sleep Number bed. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2057 I just got a frequent-flyer upgrade from UNITED AIRLINES. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2058 Are you telling me this is the new Business Class on the airlines????? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2059 Work or play, this mattress will keep you awake. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2060 I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2061 Well, it's better than having a monkey there. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2062 What? At least I'm on time. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2063 But you said I'd feel right at home working here. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2064 Let's agree we're both memory foaming at the mouth about this. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2065 The standing desk wasn't enough? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2066 Damn! I was just caught sleeping on the job again. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2067 Work life balance, my ass! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2068 Because I'm an efficiency expert and like to dress for work the night before. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2069 It's cutting edge - sleepworking 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2070 As you can see ,I have a firm case . 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2071 No, YOU have bed head!! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2072 Cheapest Bed & Breakfast I've ever had. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2073 Sorry I'm late. I couldn't get out of bed. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2074 OK. You won't let me work at home. Then I'll home at work. So there. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2075 Of course I'm applying for the Secret Service. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2076 Ridiculous, you say? THAT'S the attitude of someone who only sells 3 mattresses a week! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2077 And that was just before she said, "Oh yes we can!" 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2078 Caught behind a futon and a pul out sofa. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2079 So you think you can keep me from having a home office? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2080 My sleeping desk is just as effective as Steve's treadmill desk! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2081 Me on Monday 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2082 I don't know about you, but that was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2083 Didn't you tell me to stay in bed?!?!?... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2084 Apparently, my sleep number is (the symbol for infinity). 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2085 My question to you is: Why aren't you wearing one? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2086 I call it sit-sleep. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2087 I've got my dream job. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2088 Telecommuting has not made my life any easier. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2089 I switched to Decaf! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2090 Well, now I have an excuse for sleeping on the job! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2091 I said 'BREAKFAST in bed,' Carl. Not 'BOARDROOM in bed.' 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2092 Then, when she asked me if I was married to her or to my work, I think that I might have hesitated 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2093 I know I'm late, just a little trouble on the subway. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2094 At night it easily folds up and fits in the back of an Uber. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2095 Don't touch me. I'm in first class. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2096 Its the latest in 24/7 executive office furniture. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2097 But you said it was Bring Your Bed to Work Day! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2098 I can live with the Murphy bed but not the lack of coffee or a desk. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2099 They can have standing desks, but I can't have a sleeping one? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2100 I got 99 problems but getting out of bed ain't one. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2101 You never heard of power naps? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2102 I told you a Murphy bed was a bad idea! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2103 I'm homing at work today 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2104 Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2105 "Your idea stinks. Increased productivity can't be our only goal". 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2106 I was trying to be a well rounded employee. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2107 Nobody multitasks better than I do. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2108 Working from home changed me in ways I never thought possible. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2109 You said to put the laying desk idea to bed 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2110 I do some of my best work in bed. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2111 I won't take this lying down 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2112 Just wake me up when you're ready to leave for work. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2113 So, Yeah! I was shopping for bedroom furniture. Last thing I remember was this guy Murphy pitching a bed he said would revolutionize how we sleep! Bada'Bing - I wake up wrapped like a Buritto! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2114 Alright, I'll take the couch tonight. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2115 You KNEW I had a twin! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2116 But you said this company was all about work/life balance. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2117 Doesn't this Rauschenberg look better with me in it? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2118 No Amtrak. No LIRR. No Jersey Transit. No MTA. No hotels! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2119 What work/life balance? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2120 My doctor diagnosed me with a bad case of bedsores. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2121 My doctor told me to stay in bed. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2122 Seriously? I go to all this trouble and the lack of sheets is the first thing you notice? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2123 I'm fine, thanks; except I feel kind of naked without a bottom sheet. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2124 Work from home. Home from work. What's the difference? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2125 I can't take this any more .. I want off this damn "My Pillow.com" account. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2126 And this "lying down on the job" how? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2127 This vertical integration initiative is out of control. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2128 Do I look like I just rolled out of bed? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2129 I AM up-and-at-'em! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2130 The bad news is that I just got bumped. The good news is I just got bumped. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2131 Look, I don't get out of bed for just any board meeting. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2132 It's called "work/like balance," Bill. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2133 What do you mean I took the "Work like you're home" policy too seriously?! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2134 You said I can work from my bed. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2135 You said "bed!" You didn't say anything about "rest." 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2136 It's for emotional support! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2137 What makes you think I'm asleep on the job? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2138 That's the last prenuptial I ever sign. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2139 Saves time in the morning. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2140 Johnson, the standing desk was fine, but this is too much. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2141 You said I could no longer sleep at my desk. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2142 THIS is my compensation for getting bumped?! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2143 Why buy a house when I can sleep at the office? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2144 The right way or the highway. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2145 I warned you that Murphy's Laws apply to his beds! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2146 Do I have enough rewards for a mattress and a refill!? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2147 This is not just another dysfunctional cult. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2148 How is this too casual? It's Friday! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2149 I told you, "No more sleeping at my desk." You're just impossible to please. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2150 I sleep hard and work harder. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2151 Boss says the company is gonna need us on call. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2152 Your job Wilson is to craft our mission statement. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2153 How dare you accuse me of sleeping on the job! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2154 It's the new iMultitask 7 Plus in satin, with 256GB of memory foam! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2155 It's the new thing, she said they're called 'Turn-down Service Pants' 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2156 And then a spring mechanism propels you out the front door. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2157 Whenever its raining, I can't figure out how to hold my umbrella. I find this is the best solution. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2158 I thought you said take your bed to work day! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2159 Go to bed? You KNOW I'm dyslexic! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2160 No, it's not a Firm mattress. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2161 It's Casual Friday, right? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2162 And it all fits under the seat in front of you. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2163 Hey... it's the newest trend at Google. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2164 Hey Bob, See what it looks like when you cry like a coddled man baby! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2165 When sleep is life, but you have bills to pay. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2166 Let's talk about my raise. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2167 You can blame this on all the overtime you've been pushing on me! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2168 Standing at my desk won't stop me from sleeping at work. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2169 My real Home/Office has become an airbnb! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2170 Don't even try! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2171 This is your Premium Economy? 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2172 Some call it 'manspreading' but I call it comfy! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2173 I thought you meant 'soft landing' for the business, not me! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2174 But everyone I know voted for Hillary. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2175 When I say 24/7, I mean 24/7. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2176 Sleeping on the job? How can you say that? 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2177 I haven't been seeing any downturn! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2178 Murphy's the name! Selling's my game. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2179 With our pop-up mattress your salesmen can be out hustling while the competition is still horizontal. 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2180 What am I doing? I’m standing up for myself 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2181 I'm not going to take this lying down anymore! 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2182 I'm still struggling with this telecommuting thing. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2183 'Why the smirk! all I said was, "I'm not taking this demotion lying down." 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2184 I ordered a standing desk, but this is what they sent. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2185 I'm trying to make bed partner. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2186 You said I should be available 24/7! 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2187 YOU said we can't work from home anymore.... 1.0909 0.05082 33 30 3 0
2188 Just in case all the hotels are booked to the max. 1.0909 0.06691 33 31 1 1
2189 It's the next phase in having a complete workstation. 1.0882 0.06496 34 32 1 1
2190 You see what I am saying about my working hours? 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
2191 I've cut my 10 minute power nap down to 5 - doesn't that count towards annual productivity goals? 1.0882 0.04937 34 31 3 0
2192 Then I said, 'Tell me to make the bed one more time, Clarice.' 1.0882 0.06496 34 32 1 1
2193 But I thought it was Take Your Mattress to Work Day 1.0857 0.06313 35 33 1 1
2194 Just unwrap. Then touch Sleep Number 11. It's a full night's sleep plus somebody ready to go to work for you in the morning. 1.0833 0.04672 36 33 3 0
2195 If you order a "short", they package it like this! 1.0769 0.04323 39 36 3 0
2196 Couldn’t find my trousers anywhere … 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2197 At these prices, you should include a shelf. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2198 The new first class upright seating will take some getting used to. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2199 My first step, chief, to "keep the bedroom out of the boardroom." 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2200 Sleeping on the job 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2201 Your idea to build a driverless-bed prototype was sound, but it turns out I can’t sleep on a rolling mattress. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2202 What was I supposed to do with decaf? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2203 "The only way to get ahead," Tidwell said. Sheesh. Eighty-two hundred dollars later, and do I look like I'm getting ahead? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2204 There is no "one way" to deal with jetlag. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2205 This weekend, Wall Street's occupying me. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2206 Who has time for pants? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2207 Everybody else is getting to work at home, so I thought this would make sense. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2208 could do my job if there was a head board. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2209 Who could ask for anything more? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2210 The boss said I might have to sleep standing up. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2211 I've been up all night. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2212 YOU were the one who told me to show up undercover! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2213 This company's expectations are way too high. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2214 I had trouble getting out of bed this morning. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2215 Why do you think I've been laying down on the job? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2216 I'm just ready for the next derailment! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2217 The doctor said I had to stay in bed; he never said I couldn't come in. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2218 I can't even sink an interview in my dreams! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2219 Sorry I'm late. The Lincoln Tunnel was a nightmare. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2220 When I said I was willing to "eat, breathe, and sleep this company", I am not sure you really understood the memo boss. Can I go home now? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2221 Even as mayor, Bernie Sanders refused to get in bed with big business 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2222 Dad, can't you see I'm sleep working?! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2223 Would you believe Spring collection from Serta? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2224 I did say "hit the ground running," but this is a little extreme. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2225 I told you, I sleep alone! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2226 I'm working from home today! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2227 I'll sleep my way to the top if I have to. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2228 I tried switching to decaf. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2229 And then she said, "is this some cheap stunt to avoid paying for a hotel room .." 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2230 How much extra for the horizontal? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2231 The commute was terrible. I had an accident! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2232 James why are you on my bed?" "Im at work ok, its not as easy as it looks. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2233 Have you seen my fitted sheet? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2234 I came as quickly as I could. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2235 My wife said I need to work on my pillow talk 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2236 The wish that this could be true when you don't get enough sleep. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2237 No. YOU look tired. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2238 I thought it was too heavy with the sheets. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2239 You did say not to lie down on the job. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2240 I'm not taking this demotion lying down. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2241 Now, no one can tell me I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2242 Who said I'm not a standup guy? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2243 I said I was working from home today. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2244 You made me get out of house for this? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2245 The only reason I made it in was because of Uber Bed. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2246 This is a goofy idea. It will never sell. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2247 But you said the new office was a live-work space! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2248 "I am not laying down on the job! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2249 Tell Sandman to bring me a dream pronto. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2250 And the worst part is that I don't have any pants on! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2251 Sleep setting 11 isn't working out. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2252 Sorry I'm late, but getting a seat on the MetroNorth was ridiculous today! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2253 It's called efficiency!" "Now, kindly untuck me, I don't want to be late for work. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2254 Okay, so I got thrown out again. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2255 In my brief case? Ambien samples. Why do you ask? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2256 It's called the Sleep-Walker! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2257 This mug is only 9.99! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2258 Think of the money we'll save on hotel bills! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2259 Decaf. Maybe you already guessed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2260 You would have to pay me 3x the going price! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2261 It's perfectly normal. You should try to get one for yourself. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2262 I heard, 'Take Your Bed to Work Day'. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2263 Enough with the evil twin jokes. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2264 First day on the job, andI didn't want to be late. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2265 It's a prototype. I'm supposed to be able to reach the gas pedal. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2266 H.R. told me I need to practice self care. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2267 I'll be up all night. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2268 Geez, give me a break, I already live at work, now you want to mandate my diet as well ? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2269 Yo're the one who said come prepared for a long day! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2270 I'm preparing for the soft landing. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2271 This is all your fault, Dad. If you guys would have me a few years earlier I wouldn't have ended up a millennial. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2272 Oh, so Johnson's the only one who gets a standing desk? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2273 You told me to stay in bed, so I brought my bed with me. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2274 My twin is running late. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2275 "Second breakfast break". 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2276 You don't see me complaining about working late! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2277 Next time I get the suite and you get the closet! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2278 I made it to the meeting on time, didn't I?! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2279 'Business casual' is entirely subjective 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2280 welcome to team Mr. Murphy 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2281 Everyone thinks I can instantly dream something up. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2282 Then don't schedule 7:30 AM meetings! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2283 Fine, the prosecution will rest its case! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2284 Does this make my butt look big? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2285 What's woke is work. drink, rest. now! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2286 What?! Never heard of the google bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2287 I knew I forgot something! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2288 What is sexually harassing about this? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2289 ...and that is why I feel that I am the right person to be the product manager for Tylenol pm. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2290 You know I can't get out of bed without that first cup of coffee. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2291 Can't you wait till I'm out of bed before you get on my case? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2292 I said my favorite movie was Tuck Everlasting, then...POOF. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2293 My cost-cutting employer sees this as a substitute for a hotel room. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2294 For now it needs a forklift and driver, but I plan to add wheels. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2295 Are you blind, I don't have a bottom sheet. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2296 I'm in for the long haul. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2297 You bet I'm angry Mr. Murphy. Your bed is defective. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2298 Buy this stuff or I'll break your bones! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2299 My damn doctor said I had to stay in bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2300 this is a merry go round enjoyed it. we will make it hang on away we go where I don't know?? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2301 Put it on rollers and bought it to work. You got a problem with that? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2302 What jet lag? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2303 Why yes, Murphy, I'm stuck in your bed. Now get me out of here! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2304 The artist has the imagination of a southern baptist, 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2305 What good is 'anti-gravity comfort' with a 24 hour work day? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2306 I'm ready for 24/7, if you are . 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2307 When will you decide who gets the job? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2308 Hey, I can do the sleep in my job! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2309 Yeah, not exactly my dream job either, but I try to make the best of it.. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2310 It's not my fault. I got stuck in bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2311 So, this still doesn't say, "I'm workaholic" to you? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2312 How dare you accuse me of sleeping on the job! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2313 If you can work at home, why can't you home at work? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2314 I'm trying to get in touch with our new Murphy Bed account 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2315 Then they crept under the bed and tied me up with my own blanket. I'm lucky to be here at all, much less late. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2316 You try living in a pocket protector! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2317 You can tell him I don't get out of Murphy bed for less than ten thousand. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2318 I'm multi-tasking! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2319 Oh! How I hate to get up in the morning. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2320 Yes, I'm late! The airline wouldn't let me board! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2321 What makes you think you're not horizontal? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2322 It seemed like a good idea at the time. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2323 Well, you told me never to fall asleep at my desk again. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2324 I'm going to sleep my way into that corner office! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2325 I'll be boarding with my own blanket, pillow and coffee. What should I say to the cabin crew if they try to impose extra carry on fees? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2326 Stop trying to change me! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2327 But I took naps in college all the time! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2328 What about bathroom breaks? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2329 This living sculpture stuff always muddles me...Is this a clinomaniacally attached man or have we here some kind of unresolved swaddling fixation??? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2330 Sorry, doctor's orders. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2331 I'm upright and dressed; what more do you want? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2332 This fulfills your promise to 'send me college?' 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2333 What? I'm a multitasker. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2334 I got tired of my standing desk. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2335 Since I'm always on my laptop in bed, thought this would be cool. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2336 Multitasking big time. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2337 You said that my new promotion had more benefits 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2338 I downloaded the sleep app. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2339 I gave up my seat for overnight accommodations. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2340 I call it the Murphy Office. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2341 Well what else does one wear on the first day as an undercover salesman for Sleep Train? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2342 This isn't my idea of a working vacation. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2343 Just relax for once! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2344 I know its not exactly Wallace and Gromit, but it will do for now... 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2345 Check out these egyptian weave sheets. Check out these egyptian weave sheets. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2346 What? It's a total time saver. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2347 I am working on a study that says the sleeping desk is superior to the standing desk. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2348 I didn't get out of bed for this nonsense, jerry! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2349 But this way I'll never get out of the wrong side of bed again! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2350 ... And then a woman on the 6 Train had the nerve to accuse me of bedspreading! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2351 I'm not going to take this lying down 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2352 I don't give a sheet. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2353 "So you're asking me to become a salaried employee".... 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2354 I can never get out of bed on Mondays, but I still have to work. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2355 You said business casual 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2356 I got tired of my standing desk. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2357 Another damn breakfast-in-bed meeting. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2358 Haven't you ever seen a power nap before? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2359 Armageddeon, sarmageddeon. Bring it on! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2360 You'll never be Grommit! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2361 You got me! I will pay my hotel bill when you let me out of this bed. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2362 I'm wearing Depends, OK? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2363 Whaddya mean I can't sleep at work 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2364 I always doze off at these stupid meetings anyway, so I figured I might as well be comfortable. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2365 I m NOT sick! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2366 I'm a morning person. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2367 I prefer sleeping on the job in the horizontal position... 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2368 It's my new form fitting mattresss...now I can't get it off. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2369 You order the Casper Accountant? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2370 No, I never sleep on the subway. Why do you ask? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2371 with all this work you give me I don't even have time to sleep 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2372 This is my virtual office. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2373 it's called "being efficient"! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2374 I'm sorry, Murphy's law is binding. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2375 Is this your idea of working from home? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2376 What do you mean "I can't multitask"?!? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2377 The reason IS, Sir, I work much more effectively after one of my power naps!! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2378 is it time to get up? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2379 Well, she liked to sleep in. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2380 You were serious when you said you didn't want to get out of bed this morning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2381 Do I have to go to work right now? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2382 It's the latest thing in bedroom suites. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2383 Once an Eagle Scout, always an Eagle Scout: Be Prepared! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2384 I found it on trivago. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2385 I refuse to take this lying down! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2386 I just got here after commuting in my flatbed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2387 I'm on staycation. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2388 Murphy, have I got a bone to pick with you! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2389 "I wish they would hurry up and develop the iBed"! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2390 It's called the Beddie. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2391 "I am not laying down on the job! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2392 I just couldn't get out of bed today. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2393 Might not be my dream job, but at least this way, I can dream about it anywhere! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2394 You said make yourself at home! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2395 I didn't choose the bed life, the bed life chose me. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2396 this is an excellent product. It comes with two sherpas and a llama. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2397 I thought you said that desks were obsolete, and now you're saying they are no longer obsolete?! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2398 This mattress screams success, money, power; alas, not children. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2399 Doctor said I need complete bed rest. But a guy's gotta work. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2400 Beats the treadmill desk. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2401 At least I didn't sleep in! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2402 Wha'da'ya mean? I've always been a stand-up guy! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2403 Wake me up when the Wall Street bell rings. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2404 Dad, a lot has changed since the days of your Chase training program. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2405 What? I was having trouble getting out of bed today! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2406 It's this firm. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2407 Of course I have something on under here. Does your momma do windows? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2408 Listen, it's not my fault. I literally couldn't get out of bed this morning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2409 You win. I won't tell anyone you removed the tag. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2410 Working late every night ...something had to give 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2411 You're the one who scheduled a breakfast meeting on Father's Day. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2412 Get out of my face, Mankoff 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2413 But the mug is empty, the briefcase fits carry-on rules, and this is my normal business trip attire - please let me board! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2414 But you told me to work on my tempur! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2415 This standing desk is hardly a dream come true! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2416 No, I said with warm milk. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2417 Can't you see I'm trying to have a work/life balance? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2418 I'm going first class 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2419 In my right hand is a mug. In my left a briefcase. Thus sayeth the Lord, the judgments of the Lord are almighty indeed. Oh yes. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2420 This is very unique. I'll take it. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2421 So we can take naps at our stand-up desks! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2422 He never understood the concept of "Sleep-in Fridays". 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2423 Do you think this Unicorn pastry will catch on? A thousand threads of Egyptian Cotton with washed in Tide cinnamon drizzle. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2424 Those subway seats are impossible. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2425 You said Fridays were casual. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2426 Murphy, I already told you that this is my bed. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2427 Someone forgot to un-tuck me this morning! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2428 You have to leave - this hotel is overbooked. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2429 I'm just resting my eyes on the job. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2430 The boss told me to make myself at home. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2431 See? I'm no couch potato. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2432 I only promise you I won't be late at work. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2433 All I need is a urinal! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2434 Men can have it all too. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2435 It's the new standing desk! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2436 College loans, no problem. Off to Wall Street training program. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2437 Bed and Breakfast meeting. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2438 It's my constitutional right to not get out of bed! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2439 Wait- What?! The governments not shutting down?! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2440 I might have had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2441 Unlike you, I have no problem multitasking! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2442 Bill, we can't keep meeting like this 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2443 Oh, right.. So it's only 'clever' when you multi-task is it!? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2444 I can't help it. The standing desk's just got me so tired. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2445 It's time to put our rivalry to rest. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2446 What's wrong with thinking outside of the box spring? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2447 I don't care what the efficiency expert told you. In the real world sleep can't be an element of multi-tasking. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2448 What makes you think I'm feeling jet lag? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2449 They say it drives itself, but I still try not to doze off. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2450 'Prompt, efficient, and upright.' 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2451 Why are you griping? I made it in. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2452 Here at Bed n Business there's only one choice for breakfast -- I Hop. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2453 It's a free trial offer. If I don't like it I have to send it back in two days. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2454 And it's self-driving. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2455 It's zoned for live/work, right? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2456 Merger? That was just pillow talk. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2457 It's the new Samsonite compact travel kit. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2458 Bath and Beyond should be here any minute. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2459 I'm more productive when I can incorporate a nap in my workday. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2460 Oh, yeah? Well I'll take the mat to you on this. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2461 Because I'm a millennial! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2462 ABC boss, Always Be Comfy 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2463 Haven't you heard? "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise" 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2464 This place keeps me up all night. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2465 What are you, some sort of professor of Ergonomics? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2466 I'm not moving till this nightmare election is over. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2467 I've solved the whole "work/life" balance thing! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2468 It gives me a spring in my step. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2469 Well, you wanted to see my home office. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2470 Check out "SLEEPAHGO!!! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2471 It's for the breaks, Steward. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2472 But it's a real time-saver. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2473 "But my back feels wonderful.' 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2474 And THAT'S how you ease into the morning, Simmons. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2475 It's called sleepworking! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2476 It's an accommodation for Sleep Deprivation Disorder, so what? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2477 Sir, I'm ready to pull an all nighter. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2478 Staying in bed longer is NOT lowering my stress levels. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2479 Who did you expect, Rauschenberg? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2480 Heard of a working nap? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2481 I'm sorry I'm late, but I had a bitch of a time getting a cab. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2482 I've finally found the secret. Life is one long coffee break 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2483 I tried eating standing up but it wasn't enough. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2484 Ready? I was BORN ready! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2485 Those damn ALIENS glued me to my bed,I can handle blue ALIENS ,but those grey alien are out of this world 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2486 Stop telling me I'm falling asleep on the job! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2487 Allow me to introduce the Commuting Bed-mobile...the next Shark Tank sensation! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2488 Yes I am wearing pants. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2489 Psycho analysis quickie on way to work. "So I have anxiety. You're a genius." 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2490 I don't want to hear one word about "bed hair"! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2491 If you need my services, feel free to call me anytime. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2492 I'm starting today. Could you show me to my cubicle? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2493 It's called tiny apartment living! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2494 It's the latest rage, all millenials do it. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2495 " The sheets are in the dryer". 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2496 My head will not rest on the desk again. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2497 I persist with the mattress until my accusers recant their claims of sexual harassment! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2498 The alarm didn't go off. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2499 I've found that I'm really a morning person. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2500 The doctor put me on bed rest. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2501 You told me I need to multitask, sir. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2502 Only you would complain that the bed isn't made right! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2503 It's my week to be on call 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2504 My boss is ADHD; I never know when he is going to need me. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2505 But babe, you told me you're really into your work! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2506 Followed Doc's orders .... and still didn't use a sick day. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2507 It's our new travel policy 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2508 I'll have to sleep on your idea that I'm sleeping on the job. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2509 "It comes with wheels, naturally, and an umbrella. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2510 I'm not in this for the money, I love this job. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2511 Once a Boy Scout, always a Boy Scout. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2512 They are accusing me of being in bed with my clients! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2513 Stop your harrumphing and fill my cup. I had enough trouble on the subway this morning. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2514 What's your problem? I eat sleep and breath work 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2515 Bedroom...boardroom...all the same. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2516 But this is decaf! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2517 Yes, yes, I'm 'LGBTQ'--but it's all just business. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2518 You should see the looks I get on the train. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2519 This way, I can bill the client while I'm sleeping 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2520 A standup guy is a stand up guy. I'm a standup guy! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2521 Well, you did say the "standing desk policy" starts this week 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2522 You said I'd start in the zzzmail department, Dad. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2523 Here's what I like best -- made and assembled in the U.S.. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2524 Oh, come on, I never sleep in. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2525 What, you didn't have a problem with the standing desk! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2526 The focus group was right - add Segway to this baby. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2527 What? You said at Simmons we live the brand. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2528 You told me to be more efficient. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2529 Bedbugs? BYOB! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2530 I'm multi-tasking! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2531 My pants are at the cleaners. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2532 I'm scheduled to work at home today 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2533 I was told this would be a Skype meeting. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2534 I got bumped, they were short of cash, I got this. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2535 This heaven can be yours for only $295 a night. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2536 Suck it, man. I'm the Urber Bed Customer of the Week. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2537 This is MY JOB, for Heavens Sake! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2538 Can I return to economy class? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2539 Mr. Thompson said "Let's put this project to bed." 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2540 But boss, I'm the master of multitasking! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2541 I plan to sleep my way to the top. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2542 The Accidental Tourist 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2543 Don't accuse me of laying down on the job! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2544 I thought it was Saturday. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2545 I just can't get the hang of telecommuting. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2546 So the company is cutting back on my per diem, eh? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2547 Rauschenberg's nightmare 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2548 Don't just stand there Johnson, go get me my pants. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2549 I told you I was finally going to put this project to bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2550 Is my calendar the only one with Bring Your Mattress to Work Day? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2551 I heard Obamacare has been defunded 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2552 Management insists that we multi-task; I oblige. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2553 I just can't take this laying down! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2554 What? Don't you know it's casual Friday? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2555 I just can't get out of bed until I've had that first cup of coffee! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2556 I said 'First Class' NOT 'Mattress Class' you idiot! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2557 One more train delay, and I’m calling Penn Station home. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2558 And I'm telling you, this is workplace attire. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2559 Ready to sleep to the top! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2560 I thought you said we were sleeping partners 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2561 George has always been a stand up kind of guy 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2562 It's my hedge against inflation. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2563 It looks so easy when Svengoolie does it. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2564 Is this morning or night? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2565 So I hired this efficiency expert. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2566 Sorry I'm late, but I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2567 Go ahead, spit it out. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2568 What? Haven't you heard of a standing bed? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2569 SO, YOUR MEETINGS ARE BORING! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2570 I promise you- you will never be late for work again! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2571 Huh? I am ready for anything. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2572 It's Air B&B. Note how it sticks up into the air. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2573 You've heard of a working girl, right? Well, I'm a working guy. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2574 I could have sworn today was wear your bed to work day! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2575 This way, if I spill, it doesn't matter. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2576 I was very firm with the client, but not too firm. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2577 I forgot to get out of bed this morning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2578 Are you sure you're sick? You've been calling in sick to work for 2 weeks now without a proper reason... 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2579 I'm multitasking from home. East, drink, work, sleep. Plus no commuting fees. It's called "me care". 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2580 What?.. It's the new snuggie 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2581 Haven't you ever had one of those days where you just can't seem to get out of bed? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2582 And no, I'm not happy with company's new health plan! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2583 This way, I don't have to get up in the morning! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2584 Could you give me a push on your way out tonight? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2585 What? This is work life balance! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2586 Well you tell the travel agent that this is not what's meant by "bed and breakfast." 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2587 This is why I drive a Humvee! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2588 I thought you said 'Asleep Aide'! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2589 You told me to be ready for the next deadline! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2590 So what if I'm having a bed day? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2591 Okayyyy.....would you believe it's a statement against campus assault? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2592 You too can be Matress Man, the avenger of insomnia and sleepless nights. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2593 Tilt me back and we'll talk when I'm comfortable. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2594 Deal with this, Mr. 24/7! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2595 This mandatory overtime is killing me. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2596 That wasn't what I meant by work-life balance. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2597 What does a guy have to do to get a cubicle around here? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2598 It's the latest rage from Tokyo for high density urban living! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2599 Bed, Breakfast, and Beyond 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2600 It has been hell on my sex life. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2601 Working from home's a breeze; it's the commute that's killing me! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2602 You mentioned the commute. Our Murphy transit-cutter model is for the man on the go who hasn't got the to be on the go. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2603 If this bed is overbooked, get ready for a public relations fiasco. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2604 I'm betting that Organized Labor won't dare to touch this new paradigm. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2605 No, I'm not waking up from a nap. I eat, drink and sleep my work! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2606 Well it can't be the WRONG side! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2607 I just said I had a high, comfortable and upright position 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2608 Show me in the dress code where this is not allowed. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2609 Designed for the modern salesman, this bed comes equipped with a "Pop up" feature. It gets you up, dressed, and caffeinated at 6:30 am sharp! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2610 My life coach wanted me to have a spring in my step at work. We compromised. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2611 It's not a metaphor. But, yes, I haven't had my morning latte. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2612 May cause nausea, drowsiness or sleepworking... 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2613 Rupert wrote a memo? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2614 I couldn't get out of bed this morning, but at least I got dressed. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2615 Work, sleep, work, sleep....I got confused. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2616 She says I'm too dedicated to my work. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2617 And it makes a great home office deduction. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2618 My little travel pack. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2619 I was told I need to improve my efficiency and time management. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2620 I can't get here any earlier. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2621 I get to sleep in every morning now that I’ve got a self-driving car. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2622 It started out as bed head and spread from there. Don't touch me, it's contagious 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2623 I'll see your 24/7 work ethic and raise you my supernatural power to hover over you. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2624 My company has slashed its travel expense accounts. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2625 Of course I'm late. I had to change on the subway. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2626 It anticipates casual friday. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2627 I'm so mixed up I don't know whether I'm at my stand-up desk, commuting, or working at home! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2628 Yeah, there's a point! It's supposed to cure my work-related somnambulism. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2629 I do my best thinking when I'm totally rested. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2630 I didn't forget my briefs, Dan! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2631 Don't laugh til you've gotten YOUR forty winks! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2632 Stop calling me a workaholic! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2633 It's not great, but I won't be late 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2634 My best ideas hit me in bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2635 You distinctly said this was an undercover job sir! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2636 Fluffy always saves me from my compulsive tendencies. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2637 I can sleep an extra 30 minutes! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2638 But where's my blankie? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2639 I'm not ashamed anymore -- I am nocturnal. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2640 No more Monday morning meetings! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2641 And the bottom half takes care of itself. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2642 It's a standing bed 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2643 Where are my roller skates? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2644 it's called "being efficient"! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2645 Hey! YOU said "A working vacation!" 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2646 My sleep number turned out to be Pi. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2647 You are looking at the Next Big Thing, the home office of the future! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2648 You think I don't know I'm tucked? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2649 It's the 'Murphy's Law' bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2650 You're finally treating your restless leg syndrome. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2651 Running late. No Uber. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2652 Do you see how my working from home can benefit others, too? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2653 Do I look happy that you laid off half the staff? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2654 My Sleep Number is zero. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2655 The name is M-U-R-P-H-Y. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2656 It's how astronauts do it. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2657 Oh, sure! Give the promotion to the guy who ISN'T bedridden! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2658 I want an update on Goldilocks v. Bears and I want it on my desk NOW! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2659 Early to bed, early to rise. OR I'm a light sleeper. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2660 For your prices I was expecting civet coffee! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2661 A well rested employee is a productive employee. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2662 Of course, these are temporary arrangements 'til things blow over... 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2663 What do you mean you're sacking me! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2664 Some mornings I just can't get out of bed 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2665 I really want to put our issues you bed 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2666 There's no time for bed rest when you want to make partner. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2667 Stop calling me Murphy. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2668 I have decided to quit my day job. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2669 "I pulled an all-niter on this project"! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2670 I'm living proof that you can still sleep your way to the top. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2671 Sick days in today's economy. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2672 I call it the sleepwalker 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2673 We should of bought the box spring from Sleepy's. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2674 Then you'd better start reimbursing me for milage and parking! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2675 We don't all have the luxury of sleeping at home like you, Gary. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2676 I'm still feeling restless" "Oh really? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2677 They kicked me off the subway just because I nap differently. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2678 Bill, I think you've flipped your mattress. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2679 What? Sleep is the new status symbol. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2680 It's not like I didn't warn you that getting me into bed would be the easy part. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2681 What?! I'm multi-tasking! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2682 I will not take that demotion lying down! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2683 I thought I told you that I was telecommuting today. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2684 What do you mean I got up on the wrong side of the bed? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2685 So tell "Mr. Wonderful" I want One Million Dollars for Ten Percent of my Company. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2686 I thought it would save me time in the morning, but I still couldn't get out of bed. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2687 Now I can work at may stand-up desk when I’m sick in bed. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2688 It was supposed to be a power nap, not a timeout. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2689 Believe me, Bob. I got it covered! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2690 This coffee is keeping me up!!! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2691 'Well, you did tell me to in-bed myself'. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2692 I was hired to work from home so, call it a compromise. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2693 "Hire me"! "My work ethics are exceptional"! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2694 What are you doing on my wall, Billy? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2695 Well, I've already sold 150 to Mar_a_Lago. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2696 I swear! My inflight dreams were about trade deals and the tax code! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2697 You might as well get me a standing desk now. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2698 I'm up and raring to go. I just need them to put my legs back on. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2699 What happened to business casual? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2700 Thought all I had to do was show up! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2701 Al, you're pitching a 100 thread-count idea to a 400 thread-count guy. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2702 It helps me get a little shut-eye on the train. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2703 Today's meeting is shaping up to be a long one. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2704 A Murphy bed for the man wavering between homelessness and being an executive. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2705 Seriously, I save a ton on dry cleaning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2706 I'm sleeping my way to the top, so what? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2707 You knew when you hired me that my last name was Murphy! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2708 I've returned from the filibuster that wasn't. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2709 Ready to go! Just give my security bed a push. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2710 You can get these now, or sleep on your old mattress and wait for the tooth fairy. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2711 I'll say he was a great salesman, I thought a commuter bed was a great idea. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2712 I fully intend to lay down the deal, Brenden. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2713 Work-life balance. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2714 What? This was faster than putting on pants. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2715 I'm all packed up and ready to go. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2716 What's wrong with ordering a bed and breakfast, to go? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2717 Do you want me to be on time or not?! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2718 I'm taking a sick day! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2719 I was just demoted from full size to twin. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2720 Can you believe the nerve of my doctor, ordering me to stay in bed because he thinks I'm a workaholic? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2721 Feeling a bit over the weather today. I'll be sleeping from work. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2722 So when she goes into labor I am ready to go! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2723 Without a coffe cup holder and a briefcase latch, it's just a nothing burger. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2724 I think my wife may be having an affair with our efficiency expert. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2725 Sorry, boss, I just couldn't get outta bed this morning. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2726 I was promised I could make money while I sleep. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2727 The boss wants efficiency. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2728 CHANGE MY BATTERIES. CHANGE MY BATTERIES. CHAnge my ba-------. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2729 The bus was early. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2730 The application did say "any reasonable accommodations" 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2731 Who says you can't have it all? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2732 It's the ultimate "tiny house"... 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2733 Damn efficiency experts. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2734 I still don't understand why you won't let me work from home! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2735 The doctor calls it "modified active bedrest". 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2736 This is not what I expected for my prepaid burial. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2737 Just saying, They have medications for that ! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2738 I'm a door-to-door salesman. I sell beds. You got a problem with that? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2739 Hey, you power nap your way and I'll power nap mine! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2740 I think this will help me dream up some new product ideas... 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2741 We're both competing for partner. We're overworked, exploited and sleep-deprived, but now I've got the edge! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2742 Because we only had decaf in the house, that's why. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2743 I resent the implication that I'm constantly taking breaks instead of working. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2744 Their latest way to fit more seats on each plane. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2745 As part of our new perpetual PBS pledge drive, we're offering all you night owls a sturdy coffee mug at the Entry level, and a classic lunch box to our Studio Friends! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2746 What do you mean "inappropriate attire" for working at home? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2747 And, yes, this is the same suit I wore yesterday. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2748 Yeah, but the wife and I did have a darn good view of the Saint Patrick's Day parade! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2749 I was also promised a continental breakfast! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2750 My friend Murphy recommended it... why do you ask? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2751 I'm a multi-tasker" 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2752 8888888 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2753 The boss tied my sleep number to my sales quota. I might not get out of bed until the end of the month. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2754 They told us to be telework ready. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2755 I WILL NOT BE LATE AGAIN !! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2756 Give it to me straight, Wallace. How come no one will go out with me? 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2757 I don't get out of bed for less than $10,000 an hour and a caramel macchiato! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2758 Well you asked me to it this deal to bed, didn't you? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2759 I swear I wasn't napping! 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2760 Is my tie straight? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2761 I was sleepless in Seattle. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2762 Because I'm not wearing any pants, that's why. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2763 $10,000 or not, I am not leaving my first-class bed, even if I have to sleep standing up all the way to Tokyo. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2764 I still have a miserable cold, but I'm out of sick days. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2765 Casual Friday. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2766 I decided to bring home to my work life for a change. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2767 Goggy. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2768 My self-managing homelife module still has a few bugs. 1.0690 0.06897 29 28 0 1
2769 My sleep number is approaching 100%. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2770 Don't just "yes sir" me, Brad. I want a bedtime story. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2771 Now this is the "home-to-office" commuter service that is even more efficient than Uber. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2772 Wait! If Alan has a therapy dog, why can't I have this? 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2773 This is not the best time to ask for a raise. 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2774 Telecommuting? This is just taking it too far! 1.0690 0.04789 29 27 2 0
2775 You know how everyone complains about our email system? Problem solved. 1.0690 0.06897