Contest #565


Cartoon

565


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-04-18
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-05-01 (estimated)
Number of captions 5569
Number of responses 148779
Number of participants 2570


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Wow, you are literally a hot mess. 1.8412 0.04498 403 201 65 137
1 No, I recommended exorcism, not exercise. 1.8361 0.03534 604 285 133 186
2 " I can only make out : ' ... is required IMMEDIATELY ' . 1.8349 0.03317 648 293 169 186
3 From the ashes, your bill will magically appear. 1.8326 0.04141 460 226 85 149
4 The good news is this disease will be named after you. 1.6755 0.04526 302 158 84 60
5 As you can see, we take patient confidentiality very seriously. 1.6738 0.04589 279 142 86 51
6 Let's handle the burning questions first. 1.6724 0.04491 293 150 89 54
7 I'm going to refer you an exorcist in your network. 1.6580 0.04806 269 145 71 53
8 Your wife said it's best if you don't know who the father is. 1.6561 0.05180 253 144 52 57
9 Actually, this time, it is as bad as it looks. 1.6545 0.05683 191 103 51 37
10 The tests do confirm you are a flaming asshole. 1.6468 0.05287 235 133 52 50
11 So the labs all come back normal, but I’d still like to get you to an exorcist. 1.6444 0.05216 239 135 54 50
12 We finally got a reply from your insurance. 1.6414 0.05118 237 131 60 46
13 Any family history of spontaneous combustion? 1.6414 0.05118 237 131 60 46
14 Damn it Jim, I’m a doctor, not an exorcist! 1.6162 0.04878 198 99 76 23
15 I think there's a good chance this'll be named for you. 1.6162 0.05747 198 117 40 41
16 I recommend plenty of liquids. 1.6158 0.05410 203 114 53 36
17 We still don't know what you have, but we're pretty sure it's biblical. 1.6150 0.05337 200 110 57 33
18 Honestly, I wouldn't even bother putting your pants back on. 1.5989 0.05848 177 103 42 32
19 We found a match 1.5932 0.05907 177 105 39 33
20 In this case, the best treatment is diet and exorcism. 1.5920 0.05283 174 92 61 21
21 Nothing that bed rest and an exorcism won't fix. 1.5920 0.05408 174 94 57 23
22 Well, it's definitely not a cold. 1.5882 0.05508 170 93 54 23
23 Looks like it's just general inflammation. 1.5858 0.05662 169 95 49 25
24 If you look closer at my degree on the wall, you'll notice it actually says infernal medicine. 1.5833 0.06232 156 93 35 28
25 Your test results are a bit alarming. 1.5828 0.05955 163 95 41 27
26 I'm sure this is just a temporary flare-up. 1.5813 0.05846 160 91 45 24
27 It's pretty clear that you haven't been taking your anti inflammatory drugs. 1.5786 0.05670 159 88 50 21
28 I can't help you. I'm referring you to an exorcist. 1.5786 0.05307 159 83 60 16
29 Sorry, Jim. Unfortunately, what happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas. 1.5786 0.06011 159 93 40 26
30 Have you tried exorcising? 1.5786 0.06077 159 94 38 27
31 The Priest will be here for the exorcism soon. 1.5769 0.05826 156 88 46 22
32 The results came back positive as Hell. 1.5759 0.05629 158 87 51 20
33 The good news is you're covered under your fire and casualty insurance. 1.5759 0.05976 158 92 41 25
34 Got your results back. They look like hell. 1.5714 0.05961 154 89 42 23
35 Just a guess, but are you feeling a burning sensation? 1.5695 0.05678 151 83 50 18
36 Your inflammation appears to be spreading. 1.5616 0.06068 146 85 40 21
37 Sir, you really need to see an Exorcist! 1.5594 0.06629 143 90 26 27
38 It appears to be an inflammation. 1.5586 0.06102 145 85 39 21
39 I'm not sure you'll be able to handle this. 1.5586 0.06102 145 85 39 21
40 It''s just a flare-up. 1.5571 0.06353 140 84 34 22
41 I'll be honest, it's not the best sign. 1.5532 0.06075 141 82 40 19
42 I'll prescribe an anti-inflammatory. 1.5481 0.06106 135 78 40 17
43 We take patient confidentiality very seriously here. 1.5481 0.06106 135 78 40 17
44 Your lab tests look like hell! 1.5481 0.06371 135 81 34 20
45 The good news? There's no need for a second opinion. 1.5447 0.06556 123 73 33 17
46 Unfortunately, it's a pre-extinguishing condition. 1.5420 0.06435 131 79 33 19
47 I'm referring you to an exorcist. 1.5385 0.05795 130 72 46 12
48 We take your privacy very seriously. 1.5385 0.06382 130 78 34 18
49 We've swapped 'repeal and replace' for 'crash and burn.' 1.5366 0.06955 123 78 24 21
50 Make a wish 1.5360 0.05962 125 70 43 12
51 It's giving you 10 commandments. 1.5323 0.06106 124 71 40 13
52 "Fever" is not exactly the word for it. 1.5289 0.06851 121 76 26 19
53 We can't keep giving you medicines for Bipolar Disorder every time your Exorcist is out of town! 1.5285 0.06862 123 78 25 20
54 Good news. We found a match. 1.5254 0.06884 118 74 26 18
55 When was your most recent flare-up? 1.5254 0.06561 118 71 32 15
56 well, your test results are not what I hoped for. 1.5250 0.06795 120 75 27 18
57 I'll consult an exorcist. 1.5250 0.06478 120 72 33 15
58 Eternal damnation is a pre-existing condition. 1.5229 0.07091 109 68 25 16
59 You're toast 1.5175 0.07183 114 74 21 19
60 I'd better skip straight to the bad news. 1.5175 0.06621 114 69 31 14
61 I hate the new patient records privacy procedures. 1.5138 0.06972 109 68 26 15
62 The new Trumpcare has simplified our record keeping. 1.5135 0.07337 111 73 19 19
63 I see you're still smoking. 1.5047 0.06820 107 66 28 13
64 Unfortunately the fire department is out-of-network. 1.5047 0.06420 107 63 34 10
65 So, your test results have set off a few alarms. 1.5046 0.07094 109 70 23 16
66 Actually, it's worse than it looks. 1.5046 0.06851 109 68 27 14
67 I'm afraid I have some bad news. I stored your test results on my Samsung Galaxy Note 7. 1.5000 0.07265 108 71 20 17
68 Your heart is fine, but I'm worried about your soul. 1.5000 0.07720 100 67 16 17
69 Your results appear to confirm inflammation. 1.5000 0.06553 104 62 32 10
70 Yes, I'm afraid it's flared up again 1.4950 0.06840 101 62 28 11
71 It's a medical miracle. Your bill is on fire but not consumed. 1.4950 0.07123 101 64 24 13
72 Now would be a good time for that urine sample 1.4900 0.07719 100 68 15 17
73 ..and we take very seriously the privacy of your medical records. 1.4900 0.06889 100 62 27 11
74 It's chartburn. I can help you with that. 1.4900 0.07177 100 64 23 13
75 I'm afraid that was the good news. 1.4848 0.06790 99 61 28 10
76 I'm going to need a urine sample. Quickly! 1.4845 0.07046 97 61 25 11
77 Inflammation. You should see how we depict constipation. 1.4787 0.07522 94 62 19 13
78 Let's just forget we ever did that test. 1.4787 0.07051 94 59 25 10
79 This is not an attempt to win because I submitted another entry to avoid using profanity. I only want to know if minor (or major) profanity is allowed. This would have been my caption. Well, this x-ray proves it. You are a flaming asshole. 1.4787 0.08107 94 66 11 17
80 The results are in... you're a pyromaniac 1.4725 0.07048 91 57 25 9
81 I'm referring you to an exorcist. 1.4725 0.07219 91 58 23 10
82 Now would be a good time for that urine sample 1.4667 0.07932 90 62 14 14
83 Roast two marshmallows and call me in the morning. 1.4667 0.07611 90 60 18 12
84 We got your urine sample back from the lab. We found that burning sensation you complained about. 1.4659 0.07219 88 56 23 9
85 Have you visited any sites from the Old Testament in the last six months? 1.4659 0.07398 88 57 21 10
86 You sure you wore a condom? 1.4598 0.07276 87 56 22 9
87 Perhaps I should start with the good news 1.4598 0.07457 87 57 20 10
88 The inflammation appears to be spreading. 1.4598 0.07634 87 58 18 11
89 Your vital signs are good, but I'm a bit worried about you in the afterlife. 1.4588 0.07588 85 56 19 10
90 The test not only indicates that you have six months to live, it also tells us where you'll be going. 1.4588 0.07588 85 56 19 10
91 Your health is fine. It's your afterlife I'm concerned about. 1.4588 0.08293 85 60 11 14
92 Well, it's more inflamed than we thought. 1.4545 0.07744 77 50 19 8
93 Patient confidentiality is our number one priority. 1.4524 0.07266 84 54 22 8
94 Your insurance plan requires me to torch any evidence of pre-existing conditions. 1.4524 0.07651 84 56 18 10
95 I wouldn't start any long books. 1.4524 0.07836 84 57 16 11
96 Believe me, you didn't want to know. 1.4512 0.07187 82 52 23 7
97 You may experience a burning sensation... 1.4512 0.07594 82 54 19 9
98 The good news? We can definitely rule out hypothermia. 1.4512 0.07790 82 55 17 10
99 Now that I've taken down all the relevant information, patient privacy laws require that I burn your medical record. 1.4512 0.07790 82 55 17 10
100 The good news is that your asbestos level is also high. 1.4512 0.06755 82 50 27 5
101 On the bright side, your lipids look great. 1.4444 0.07244 81 52 22 7
102 Please don't let this worry you. 1.4444 0.07857 81 55 16 10
103 We've located a match. 1.4444 0.07658 81 54 18 9
104 Given your lab results, I'd prefer that you don't touch anything on your way out. 1.4444 0.07027 81 51 24 6
105 Uh, any exorcisms you didn't tell us about? 1.4444 0.07027 81 51 24 6
106 It appears your insurance has been declined. 1.4444 0.07454 81 53 20 8
107 We are committed to maintaining the privacy of patient results. 1.4400 0.08107 75 51 15 9
108 I'd say your bowel is beyond merely irritable. 1.4359 0.08077 78 54 14 10
109 You just finished paying off my mortgage. 1.4342 0.08447 76 54 11 11
110 So, you say your laser vision is acting up. 1.4342 0.07571 76 50 19 7
111 Our top priority is getting this inflammation under control. 1.4342 0.07571 76 50 19 7
112 The bad news isn't that you're dying - it's where you're headed after that. 1.4324 0.07952 74 50 16 8
113 You have one hell of a fever. 1.4324 0.08182 74 51 14 9
114 You have some inflammation. 1.4267 0.08093 75 52 14 9
115 I think we can rule out a false positive. 1.4267 0.08093 75 52 14 9
116 I think we're looking at a flare up. 1.4267 0.07867 75 51 16 8
117 This happens sometimes when Paul Ryan's health plan is exposed to light. 1.4267 0.08526 75 54 10 11
118 I think we can just skip over the "good news" part? 1.4247 0.08484 73 52 11 10
119 The prognosis isn't good, Sir. You're going straight to hell. 1.4247 0.08023 73 50 15 8
120 Your Healthcare plan has been programmed to self-destruct at the first sign of a serious illness, so we'll have to work fast. 1.4247 0.08257 73 51 13 9
121 Liar liar charts on fire 1.4247 0.08257 73 51 13 9
122 Our tests indicate severe inflammation. 1.4247 0.07277 73 47 21 5
123 It is just acid reflux. The lab is being dramatic. 1.4247 0.07534 73 48 19 6
124 No smoke. That's a good sign. 1.4143 0.06899 70 44 23 3
125 Forget exercise, you need an exorcism. 1.4143 0.08010 70 48 15 7
126 Your test results show some inflammation. 1.4143 0.08010 70 48 15 7
127 Any history of spontaneous combustion in the family? 1.4143 0.08511 70 50 11 9
128 Our new privacy procedures are lo-tech. 1.4143 0.08264 70 49 13 8
129 You may want a second opinion. 1.4143 0.07747 70 47 17 6
130 Okay...THAT's not good. 1.4143 0.08264 70 49 13 8
131 I'm going to need a urine sample. Immediately. 1.4143 0.08010 70 48 15 7
132 Your bowel syndrome isn't just irritable. It's mad as hell. 1.4143 0.08511 70 50 11 9
133 Seems they don't like your preexisting condition. 1.4143 0.08264 70 49 13 8
134 I'm afraid it's flared up again. 1.4143 0.08264 70 49 13 8
135 Your insurance company got back to us. 1.4143 0.08511 70 50 11 9
136 Your test results are in. You're going to hell. 1.4143 0.07747 70 47 17 6
137 It's probably nothing serious. 1.4143 0.07747 70 47 17 6
138 Can you point out on this chart how intense the "burning sensation" is? 1.4118 0.08442 68 48 12 8
139 You're having another flare-up. 1.4118 0.08442 68 48 12 8
140 Your best option is a bucket list. 1.4118 0.08178 68 47 14 7
141 Oops, I forgot to tell you your mission. 1.4118 0.07622 68 45 18 5
142 Your lab work is conclusive. All I can do is refer you to an exorcist. 1.4118 0.07329 68 44 20 4
143 This is what happens when you bring lies about exercise and diet to my office. 1.4118 0.07905 68 46 16 6
144 I tell you, this patient privacy stuff is really getting out of hand. 1.4118 0.07905 68 46 16 6
145 No records, no malpractice. 1.4118 0.07622 68 45 18 5
146 I'm gonna need that urine sample now. 1.4118 0.07329 68 44 20 4
147 On the upside, you might as well quit diet & exercise. 1.4118 0.07905 68 46 16 6
148 It's pyromania. 1.4118 0.07622 68 45 18 5
149 I can make your preexisting conditions disappear! 1.4118 0.08442 68 48 12 8
150 you have a bad case of chart burn 1.4118 0.07905 68 46 16 6
151 After reading this report, I'm surprised you're able to sit down. 1.4085 0.06826 71 45 23 3
152 The results are back. You're going to Hell. 1.4030 0.08523 67 48 11 8
153 I see your fever is off the charts. 1.4030 0.07974 67 46 15 6
154 It's clear you need an anti-inflammatory. 1.4030 0.08253 67 47 13 7
155 I'm going to start you on some anti inflammatories 1.4030 0.08523 67 48 11 8
156 Your lab results suggest you have an inflamation. 1.4030 0.07686 67 45 17 5
157 Expect a flare-up or two. 1.4030 0.07974 67 46 15 6
158 The test results confirm your burning sensation. 1.4030 0.07385 67 44 19 4
159 This report confirms it, you are a flaming a*#hole. 1.4000 0.08435 65 46 12 7
160 Well, it's definitely inflamed. 1.4000 0.08435 65 46 12 7
161 The lab report for your hemmoroids is back ... 1.4000 0.08145 65 45 14 6
162 And behold the bill was burning with fire, yet the bill was not consumed. 1.4000 0.08435 65 46 12 7
163 Obviously, we're concerned about inflammation. 1.4000 0.07845 65 44 16 5
164 Well...it's the Mother Of All Bills. 1.4000 0.09251 65 49 6 10
165 The good news is that whatever you have won't last long. 1.4000 0.07845 65 44 16 5
166 We just moved our records over to Snapchat. 1.4000 0.07532 65 43 18 4
167 I'm going to refer you to an arsonist. 1.4000 0.07532 65 43 18 4
168 Your test result, should you choose to accept it, ... 1.4000 0.08987 65 48 8 9
169 So, under Trump Care.... 1.4000 0.08145 65 45 14 6
170 We should treat this before it spreads. 1.4000 0.08435 65 46 12 7
171 Apparently your insurance won't cover it. 1.4000 0.08145 65 45 14 6
172 It's the latest revision..... the Combustible Care Act. 1.4000 0.08145 65 45 14 6
173 It's easier for me to just burn your bill than to deal with your insurance company 1.4000 0.08145 65 45 14 6
174 If you don't mind, I'm going to give you the bad news quickly. 1.4000 0.08987 65 48 8 9
175 We're converting to a paperless system. 1.4000 0.08987 65 48 8 9
176 Have you been experiencing any hot flashes of late? 1.4000 0.07845 65 44 16 5
177 Your cholesterol levels are great but your nitroglycerides are off the chart. 1.4000 0.08145 65 45 14 6
178 The good news is you won't be around to see the bill. 1.4000 0.08716 65 47 10 8
179 This your coverage. This is your coverage on TrumpCare. Any questions? 1.3929 0.08708 56 39 12 5
180 The good news is that you won’t have to worry about the fate of Obamacare. 1.3929 0.09425 56 41 8 7
181 The insurance company doesn't seem inclined to accept our appeal. 1.3906 0.08219 64 45 13 6
182 Now might be a good time to get an advance directive. 1.3906 0.08219 64 45 13 6
183 I think we can skip the thermometer. 1.3906 0.09079 64 48 7 9
184 There's no cause for alarm. 1.3906 0.08515 64 46 11 7
185 Sorry, this happens now every time a new patient has a pre-existing conditon. 1.3906 0.07911 64 44 15 5
186 Apparently your Trumpcare insurance policy self-destructs upon implementation. 1.3906 0.08801 64 47 9 8
187 Your phosphorus level is a little too high. 1.3906 0.07911 64 44 15 5
188 Apparently your insurance company disagrees with the treatment plan. 1.3906 0.08219 64 45 13 6
189 "It looks like the answer to your prayers is 'NO'". 1.3906 0.08801 64 47 9 8
190 Sorry, but all your records were on my Galaxy Note 7. 1.3906 0.09079 64 48 7 9
191 And then there's the bad news 1.3906 0.08219 64 45 13 6
192 your inflammation levels are off the chart! 1.3906 0.08515 64 46 11 7
193 We take patient confidentiality very seriously. 1.3906 0.08219 64 45 13 6
194 Well that explains your fever. 1.3906 0.08219 64 45 13 6
195 It says here that, "you are currently on fire", is that correct? 1.3906 0.08515 64 46 11 7
196 Ok, now if you'll just bend over for me.... 1.3906 0.09079 64 48 7 9
197 The good news is, you might as well just keep smoking. 1.3871 0.08404 62 44 12 6
198 An inflammatory response, yes, but we need to run a few more tests. 1.3871 0.08404 62 44 12 6
199 According to these vitals, you seem to have a fever, at least on paper. 1.3871 0.08404 62 44 12 6
200 No cause for alarm. It's our new data protection software. 1.3871 0.08404 62 44 12 6
201 I've seen worse. 1.3871 0.08713 62 45 10 7
202 The results from your hemorrhoid test are back. 1.3871 0.08083 62 43 14 5
203 You have the worst case of heart burn I've ever seen! 1.3871 0.08083 62 43 14 5
204 Trumpcare. 1.3871 0.08404 62 44 12 6
205 Under the circumstances, you might want to skip the treatment and go straight to cremation. 1.3871 0.09011 62 46 8 8
206 Your test results are alarming. 1.3871 0.08713 62 45 10 7
207 This is how we make sure no one has access to your records. 1.3871 0.08083 62 43 14 5
208 What we do know is that you have an inflammatory condition. 1.3871 0.08083 62 43 14 5
209 my prognosis is death followed by damnation 1.3846 0.08405 65 47 11 7
210 I don't want to extinguish all hope, BUT... 1.3833 0.08600 60 43 11 6
211 I think I should refer you to a specialist 1.3833 0.07167 60 39 19 2
212 It does say you need to burn more carbs. 1.3833 0.06330 60 37 23 0
213 I've pioneered an exciting new method of hemorrhoid extraction... 1.3833 0.09535 60 46 5 9
214 Your fever is off the charts! 1.3833 0.07916 60 41 15 4
215 It is more common than you may think in men over fifty. 1.3833 0.07916 60 41 15 4
216 The inflammation is more serious than we thought. 1.3833 0.07551 60 40 17 3
217 No insurance. No money. I'm afraid that there's really nothing that i can do. However, there is this contract with the devil. 1.3833 0.07916 60 41 15 4
218 I'd like to send you to a witch doctor. 1.3833 0.07916 60 41 15 4
219 You'll need to take this with plenty of water. 1.3833 0.07916 60 41 15 4
220 It looks like you're going straight to hell. 1.3833 0.08265 60 42 13 5
221 It appears your procedure exceeds your coverage 1.3833 0.08600 60 43 11 6
222 Unfortunately we printed your test results from a Samsung Galaxy Note 7. 1.3833 0.07916 60 41 15 4
223 We'll start by eliminating all spicy foods. 1.3833 0.08265 60 42 13 5
224 I'm afraid your clap has turned in to an applause 1.3833 0.08600 60 43 11 6
225 Who did you say referred you? 1.3729 0.07981 59 41 14 4
226 This is your brain on Trumpcare. 1.3729 0.08682 59 43 10 6
227 The coroner is on his way. 1.3729 0.09331 59 45 6 8
228 I thought you gave up the spicy foods? 1.3729 0.07606 59 40 16 3
229 Like I tell all of my patients....What you don't know can't hurt you. 1.3729 0.09331 59 45 6 8
230 You may want to tell your wife about this. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
231 "According to your 'Explanation of Benefits', your only covered for cremation"! 1.3684 0.09242 57 43 7 7
232 Any family history of spontaneous combustion? 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
233 According to our records, your symptoms are flaring up again. 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
234 Unfortunately, this is all I can do under TrumpCare. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
235 Another flare-up, I see. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
236 Your Cholesterol Level is So High, It Started a Grease Fire. 1.3684 0.09242 57 43 7 7
237 Yes, there definitely seems to be some inflammation. 1.3684 0.07354 57 38 17 2
238 Your insurance company says they don't cover it. 1.3684 0.09242 57 43 7 7
239 Oops! It looks like congress just passed health care reform. 1.3684 0.08162 57 40 13 4
240 First, the good news: it no longer matters if you quit smoking. 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
241 You have a classic case of burnout. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
242 There's a lot of pressure to go paperless. 1.3684 0.07768 57 39 15 3
243 Looks like insurance will be denying this 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
244 It hurts me to tell you this. 1.3684 0.07768 57 39 15 3
245 I think what we're looking at is some kind of inflammation. 1.3684 0.07768 57 39 15 3
246 This is why we can assure confidentiality of patient records. 1.3684 0.08162 57 40 13 4
247 Now this may burn just a little bit. 1.3684 0.09242 57 43 7 7
248 We switched to paper because our cellular phones were exploding. 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
249 I'm a doctor; you only need to say "burning sensation". 1.3684 0.09575 57 44 5 8
250 I'm sorry. It's chartburn. 1.3684 0.09242 57 43 7 7
251 I'm sorry, it's spread to your soul. 1.3684 0.07768 57 39 15 3
252 I'm afraid it's worse than it looks. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
253 As you might guess, this isn't great news. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
254 Let me go over these results quickly. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
255 It's called TrumpCare. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
256 These are the exercises I want you to do at home, but you're never gonna get around to em, so... 1.3684 0.09575 57 44 5 8
257 I think it's time we address your inflammation levels. 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
258 I see here that you're suffering from a burning sensation. 1.3684 0.09242 57 43 7 7
259 Now, about your pyrokinesis . . . 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
260 This might burn. 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
261 This'll only burn for a second. 1.3684 0.08896 57 42 9 6
262 Worst case of burnout I've ever seen. 1.3684 0.07768 57 39 15 3
263 Yes, it's catching. 1.3684 0.08537 57 41 11 5
264 It's either heartburn or you're the Devil. 1.3667 0.09196 60 46 6 8
265 Mr. Hunt, your office just sent me your medical records, but unfortunately, I thought they were kidding when they said they would self-destruct in 20 seconds. Anyway, you have Chlamydia. 1.3636 0.08748 55 40 10 5
266 Judging by your colonoscopy results, I'm guessing you're fond of spicy food. 1.3636 0.09125 55 41 8 6
267 Look on the bright side: test results usually aren't so clear. 1.3621 0.07254 58 39 17 2
268 Well, it's definitely not a cold. 1.3571 0.08984 56 42 8 6
269 With your pants testing positive, I’d say you’re a pathological liar. 1.3571 0.08984 56 42 8 6
270 In a moment, you will feel a slight burning sensation. 1.3571 0.08229 56 40 12 4
271 I recommend an anti-inflammatory. 1.3571 0.08615 56 41 10 5
272 If we burn this, you don't have a pre-existing condition. 1.3571 0.08984 56 42 8 6
273 I need to run more tests, but my initial diagnosis is pyromania. 1.3571 0.07398 56 38 16 2
274 Do the hemorrhoids feel like this? 1.3571 0.08984 56 42 8 6
275 Well Mr. Wilson, looks like a nasty case of spontaneous combustion 1.3571 0.08229 56 40 12 4
276 Your report clearly indicates Acute Inflamation . 1.3571 0.07825 56 39 14 3
277 I imagine you'll want a second opinion. 1.3571 0.08229 56 40 12 4
278 We've successfully removed your heartburn. 1.3571 0.07825 56 39 14 3
279 Let’s just keep an eye on it for now. 1.3571 0.07398 56 38 16 2
280 I diagnose pyromania. 1.3571 0.07825 56 39 14 3
281 I'm going to have to prescribe an anti-inflamitory! 1.3571 0.08984 56 42 8 6
282 So, you say it's a burning sensation? 1.3571 0.08229 56 40 12 4
283 I will need a list of the last five people you've been intimate with. Immediately. 1.3529 0.09214 51 38 8 5
284 I see here you didn't cut down on spicy foods. 1.3529 0.09214 51 38 8 5
285 Your health plan went from repeal and replace to incinerate. 1.3529 0.09214 51 38 8 5
286 Your results are difficult to interpret. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
287 On the other hand, your pyrokinesis is just fine. 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
288 I'm going to refer your case to a specialist. A priest. 1.3519 0.07072 54 36 17 1
289 How recently since you returned from Burning Man? 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
290 Paul Ryan American Care Act - Version 2.0 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
291 I won't keep you in suspense. 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
292 Well, we can rule out hypothermia. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
293 Your test results look like hell! 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
294 The medication has a few side effects. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
295 Is there a history of spontaneous combustion in your family? 1.3519 0.08000 54 38 13 3
296 Let's start with the good news. 1.3519 0.09217 54 41 7 6
297 At least the results are conclusive, you have to be happy about that. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
298 I'm afraid you're going to have to tell your wife about this. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
299 In cases like this we like to treat fire with fire. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
300 It reduces my malpractice premiums. 1.3519 0.09217 54 41 7 6
301 Now let's test your reflexes.... 1.3519 0.09217 54 41 7 6
302 The DNA test shows you to be a mix of Northern Italian, Montenegrin, and spawn of Satan. 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
303 If it's any consolation, Inflammatory Bill Disease is an extremely common condition. 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
304 Results are in...your gonna have to back off on the Sriracha. 1.3519 0.09589 54 42 5 7
305 This is your brain on politics 1.3519 0.09217 54 41 7 6
306 Looks like you're covered under ACA.... Oh, wait... 1.3519 0.09217 54 41 7 6
307 Your health is perfect but your soul worries me. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
308 You're worried about side effects? 1.3519 0.08830 54 40 9 5
309 Ya... um... it's not good. 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
310 And the chili pepper eating contest? When was that? 1.3519 0.08425 54 39 11 4
311 You were right. You shouldn't have come in. 1.3519 0.07550 54 37 15 2
312 Your insurance says you can burn in hell before they’ll cover this. 1.3519 0.07550 54 37 15 2
313 Usually that only happens during urination. 1.3519 0.08000 54 38 13 3
314 It appears your inflammation has spread. 1.3462 0.08634 52 38 10 4
315 It's the worst case of inflammation that I've ever seen! 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
316 I guess they were serious about these paperless medical records. 1.3462 0.07711 52 36 14 2
317 Here at the sperm bank, we take our donor's identity very seriously 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
318 I've billed you for a new printer. 1.3462 0.08186 52 37 12 3
319 Your heartburn is not only off the charts, it's destroying the charts. 1.3462 0.08634 52 38 10 4
320 And your blood pressure is 666 over 666. 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
321 Tell me more about this burning sensation. 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
322 Even your chart is inflamed. 1.3462 0.07711 52 36 14 2
323 This may burn a little. 1.3462 0.08186 52 37 12 3
324 Do you want the bad news or the really, really bad news first? 1.3462 0.08634 52 38 10 4
325 Is this what it feels like when you urinate? 1.3462 0.08634 52 38 10 4
326 If you can blow this out before it gets to my fingers, I won't have to listen to your lungs. 1.3462 0.08634 52 38 10 4
327 Everything’s fine! By the way, you were never here. 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
328 Now, let's see, it says here that your previous doctor was a.....Dante? 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
329 Your test results came back positive for inflammation I'm afraid! 1.3462 0.09060 52 39 8 5
330 I'd say you're suffering from burnout. 1.3462 0.08186 52 37 12 3
331 As you see, Mr. Greene, the inflammation is worse than we expected. 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
332 I prescribe not watching anymore politics on TV 1.3400 0.08857 50 37 9 4
333 You're a wizard Harry! 1.3400 0.09735 50 39 5 6
334 For malpractice insurance purposes, there will be no record of my diagnosis. 1.3400 0.08857 50 37 9 4
335 It's just my way of avoiding a malpractice suit 1.3400 0.07882 50 35 13 2
336 I won't say it's hopeless, but I'm prescribing brimstone. 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
337 I'm sorry, but your test results are classified. 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
338 Holy Smokes! 1.3400 0.09307 50 38 7 5
339 This is the worst part of the job 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
340 You have a disease of biblical proportion! 1.3400 0.08857 50 37 9 4
341 The good news is that you can never get hypothermia. 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
342 OMG, you've got Samsung's disease! 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
343 I thought there was hope. Apparently not. 1.3400 0.09735 50 39 5 6
344 Your lab report says, "Liar, liar, pants on fire." 1.3400 0.08857 50 37 9 4
345 So, YOU'RE the guy dating my receptionist. 1.3400 0.08384 50 36 11 3
346 Appears to be a serious inflammation. 1.3333 0.09147 51 39 7 5
347 Right, but, medicine isn't actually a science. 1.3333 0.08707 51 38 9 4
348 Here's how heartburns works. 1.3333 0.08707 51 38 9 4
349 Imagine this is your stomach lining. 1.3333 0.08245 51 37 11 3
350 I'm sorry Mr. Smith, some things just won't stay in Vegas. 1.3333 0.08245 51 37 11 3
351 The good news is you have six months to live. After that things get grim. 1.3333 0.09147 51 39 7 5
352 Side effects? Why do you ask? 1.3333 0.08707 51 38 9 4
353 It's a new HIPAA requirement. 1.3333 0.08245 51 37 11 3
354 You must have Trumpcare! 1.3333 0.08707 51 38 9 4
355 We could've just told your wife it was from a toilet seat. 1.3333 0.08245 51 37 11 3
356 If you're too embarrassed to say it, is THIS how it feels down there? 1.3269 0.08562 52 39 9 4
357 How are you at metaphors, Mr. Quimby? 1.3265 0.08935 49 37 8 4
358 Hmm .. the DNA test says you are 1/4 Dragon. 1.3265 0.08935 49 37 8 4
359 According to the test results, you're a "hot mess". 1.3265 0.08445 49 36 10 3
360 It's the lab report on your hemorrhoids 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
361 It's definitely not a cold. 1.3265 0.08935 49 37 8 4
362 Does your health plan include any shamans? 1.3265 0.08445 49 36 10 3
363 Your prescription, should you choose to accept it, will self-destruct in 15 seconds. 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
364 These new tests tell me how long you've got and where you're going... after. 1.3265 0.08445 49 36 10 3
365 You can do this. It's only ten commandments. 1.3265 0.08935 49 37 8 4
366 Well, first off, your blood pressure is rather high. 1.3265 0.08445 49 36 10 3
367 I see you're in the high risk insurance pool. 1.3265 0.07370 49 34 14 1
368 Your health plan doesn't cover chartburn. 1.3265 0.08445 49 36 10 3
369 The blood test shows your inflammatory markers are pretty elevated. 1.3265 0.08445 49 36 10 3
370 Does it itch too? 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
371 I see that you were referred by a Doctor Faustus... 1.3265 0.09398 49 38 6 5
372 It looks like a case of inflammatory billing syndrome. 1.3265 0.08935 49 37 8 4
373 We're having a little trouble with your insurance. 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
374 I am surprised you are able to sit. 1.3265 0.09398 49 38 6 5
375 We go above and beyond HIPAA in protecting your privacy rights. 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
376 Your medical records will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck Jim. 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
377 First the good news: Your plan has excellent cremation coverage, anyway. 1.3265 0.07926 49 35 12 2
378 Well, we could always get a third opinion. 1.3265 0.08935 49 37 8 4
379 Well, looking at these results, you maybe an arsonist. 1.3200 0.08300 50 37 10 3
380 Don't fret, Mr. McDaniels, flaming medical record syndrome has been fairly common ever since Pfizer invented a pill for it. 1.3191 0.09669 47 37 5 5
381 I'm an optimist, but this can't be good. 1.3191 0.08660 47 35 9 3
382 Your flare-up is worse than we originally thought. 1.3191 0.08660 47 35 9 3
383 Well, it appears you've been burning everything except calories 1.3191 0.08108 47 34 11 2
384 I'm sorry, Mr. Thompson. Your insurance canceled you this morning. 1.3191 0.09178 47 36 7 4
385 It’s also called Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Disease. 1.3191 0.08108 47 34 11 2
386 The tests confirm you're going to need something stronger than Prilosec. 1.3191 0.08660 47 35 9 3
387 Well there's your second opinion. 1.3191 0.09669 47 37 5 5
388 On second thought, let's keep you out of the oxygen tent. 1.3191 0.08660 47 35 9 3
389 It seems you got it from an old flame. 1.3191 0.08660 47 35 9 3
390 I think the diagnosis speaks for itself 1.3191 0.09178 47 36 7 4
391 Your magnesium levels are a little high. 1.3191 0.08108 47 34 11 2
392 Where's a smore when you need one? 1.3191 0.08660 47 35 9 3
393 You tested positive for oil 1.3191 0.08108 47 34 11 2
394 You have a case of spontaneous combustion. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
395 It will be best if you pay before you leave. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
396 Looks like inflammation. 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
397 Okay, we can forget about the good news. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
398 Donald Jr, do you have any immediate family that have experienced everything going up in flames? 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
399 The test results indicate a severe inflammation. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
400 And I see under aliases you've written in "The Human Torch", Mr. Storm? 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
401 So do you want the good news or the bad news first? 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
402 Let me begin by asking whether your affairs are in order. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
403 Is it arson, doc? 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
404 These test results self-distruct as required by HIPPA. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
405 You have quite a bit of inflammation. 1.3111 0.06979 45 31 14 0
406 Worst case of acid reflux I've ever seen. 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
407 ... Just until we get our new encryption software. 1.3111 0.07669 45 32 12 1
408 I'll take that urine sample now. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
409 This hurts me as much as it hurts you. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
410 Oh, it's a new HIPAA regulation. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
411 That's quite a gas problem you have there. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
412 OK listen up. I have to read fast. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
413 I see you have a Republican health insurance policy. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
414 Looks like another Republican health care plan has gone up in flames. 1.3111 0.10455 45 37 2 6
415 It's our new privacy policy. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
416 Our lab supervisor is a drama queen. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
417 I see you've had a flare-up. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
418 It says here you have some sort of burning sensation. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
419 I think it's safe to say something is inflamed. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
420 You're dehydrated. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
421 The good news is, we caught it early. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
422 A very bad case of hemorrhoids. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
423 It's the new confidentiality rules. You can't see your test results; and neither can I. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
424 Ok, now if you'll just bend over for me.... 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
425 The ulcers are fine. The burning sensation is in your deductible. 1.3111 0.07669 45 32 12 1
426 I'll prescribe an anti-inflammatory. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
427 If your spontaneous combustions last more than four hours call me. 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
428 You're toast 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
429 I'm sorry but I think the inflammation is spreading. 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
430 About this burning sensation... 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
431 I'm afraid you have gas... 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
432 Mr. Blaine, you're a fantastic magician and you can burn the results all you want, but you still have Gonorrhea. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
433 Welcome to Trumpcare! 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
434 The insurance company is giving it's answer now. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
435 It's the new HIPPA requirement to ensure patient confidentiality. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
436 It says you've gone viral 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
437 Your test results indicate that you have the fire bug that's been going around. 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
438 Rest, plenty of fluids, and three Hail Mary's should do the trick. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
439 I can't locate my spirometer. See if you can blow out the flame from where you're sitting. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
440 "Well Sam, I see that you're still smoking"! 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
441 This is repeal. I'll replace it soon. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
442 Go home and put a LOT of ice on it. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
443 I'm still going to bill you, Superman. 1.3111 0.07669 45 32 12 1
444 I'm so sorry, this isn't supposed to happen unless you say "malpractice." 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
445 I'll need a urine sample, and fast. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
446 I recommend an anti-inflammatory. 1.3111 0.07669 45 32 12 1
447 I guess Congress finally repealed Obamacare. 1.3111 0.06979 45 31 14 0
448 I wish I had wetter news. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
449 Hell if I know . . . 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
450 Results just in from Theranos. 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
451 Don't worry, I can recommend a good anti-inflammatory. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
452 The good news is...I've seen worse. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
453 I have excellent fireside manner. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
454 Based on these results I'm thinking anti-inflammatories. 1.3111 0.08301 45 33 10 2
455 Of course, it might just be nothing! 1.3111 0.09961 45 36 4 5
456 Your insurance is for fire, not health! 1.3111 0.09440 45 35 6 4
457 But the good news is that I've set the bad news on fire. 1.3111 0.08889 45 34 8 3
458 We printed off the review you left on Yelp. Will you still be wanting us to perform that prostate exam? 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
459 This is our new urine test ... ready? 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
460 I recommend cremation. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
461 That's strange.... now I feel the burning sensation. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
462 Let's start with the good news. 1.3023 0.10276 43 35 3 5
463 "What do you know? 'Burn in eternal hellfire' is a diagnosis". 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
464 H2O is a proven cure, but the pharmaceutical companies have priced it out of reach. 1.3023 0.07087 43 30 13 0
465 I suspect inflammation. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
466 Your results show a lot of inflammation. 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
467 I've got the results for the tests we did on why your head spins completely around. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
468 Remember this is a drug trial; half the participants will get a placebo. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
469 This is why we need you to be truthful on these forms. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
470 I think you'll have to stop using Tinder. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
471 Your lab results look good compared with this letter from my ex. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
472 Liar liar charts on fire 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
473 How long have you worked at the nuclear power plant? 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
474 I'm afraid it's bad news. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
475 I'm also getting a burning sensation. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
476 You didn't really want to know the results anyway. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
477 Could you describe that burning sensation one more time? 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
478 That's funny, it's usually only women who have hot flashes. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
479 Let me be brief. 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
480 What jumps out at me is a diagnosis of inflammation. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
481 Well, I'm afraid hell is calling. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
482 Its time to get started on your bucket list, Frank. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
483 Your tests uncovered some inflammation 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
484 I have your test results, Mr. Giovanni. You're going to die and go to hell. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
485 Oops. Looks like they just repealed the Affordable Care Act. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
486 I'll be brief. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
487 Your chart indicates a flare up. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
488 Letting you see your results might kill you. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
489 This calls for an anti-inflamatory 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
490 New filing system...they've asked I send everything up into the cloud. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
491 I accidentally ordered the 'zesty cajun' lipid panel. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
492 This is the worst case of heartburn that I have ever seen. 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
493 Looks like the Russians got to your files first, Mr. Comey. 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
494 Bend over. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
495 Your secret is safe with me.... 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
496 You'll feel a slight burning sensation at first 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
497 I've never seen inflammation this bad, Mr. Marston! 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
498 Your results indicate inflammation. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
499 Your test results indicate a high level of inflammation. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
500 My diagnosis is pyromania. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
501 I haven’t much time so please pay attention. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
502 We're going to need to get you on an anti-inflammatory. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
503 Well, the results from your STD screening are back. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
504 Sorry Congressman, it's a bad case of "liar liar pants on fire". 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
505 As you can see it's catching. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
506 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover spontaneous combustion. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
507 After the recent hack of our database, we switched to a stricter patient record privacy policy. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
508 With this ancient fire spell, I shall drive the demons from your body! 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
509 The good news is your insurance company answered your claim quickly. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
510 It's not the WORST results I've seen, but..... 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
511 Trust me. You don't want to read this. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
512 Yes, it does appear to be contagious. 1.3023 0.10276 43 35 3 5
513 Around here we take patient confidentiality very seriously. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
514 Your lab results are now paperless. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
515 These are answers to your burning questions. 1.3023 0.08507 43 32 9 2
516 Any plans for the weekend? 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
517 The inflammation's spreading. 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
518 The good news is you don't have to worry about the interest rate on the 12 month payment plan. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
519 Well, looks like your heart burn really is off the charts. 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
520 It's anti-hacking paper, to keep your medical data secure. 1.3023 0.09722 43 34 5 4
521 Really, Dwayne? Liar, Liar chart on fire. 1.3023 0.09135 43 33 7 3
522 Have you tried Prilosec? 1.3023 0.07829 43 31 11 1
523 I could get fired for this. 1.2955 0.08951 44 34 7 3
524 I'm starting to get concerned about this inflammation 1.2955 0.08340 44 33 9 2
525 It's a witch doctor referral. 1.2955 0.07680 44 32 11 1
526 Your lab work is back. It looks like hell. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
527 Quick give me a urine sample! 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
528 Maybe your fire insurance will cover this. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
529 Your temperature was 451. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
530 I wouldn't be alarmed by a little inflammation. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
531 When I see results like these, Bob, alarms go off. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
532 Thanks to your surgery, I've been able to burn my $1,000,000 mortgage 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
533 You need to hydrate more. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
534 No, THIS is a burning sensation! 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
535 It’s how we comply with medical record privacy regulations. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
536 What makes you think it's bad news? 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
537 Cialis may not be right for you. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
538 The good news is that the burning sensation will only last 30 seconds or so. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
539 Mr. Allerdyce, please. Superpowers are no match to high cholesterol numbers. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
540 Your results are fine. This is the new normal. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
541 I'll be frank - the results weren't good. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
542 It's all TrumpCare covers for bad test results. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
543 Your brain scans show lobal warming. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
544 Does spontaneous combustion run in your family? 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
545 Don't take this with water 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
546 These confidentiality rules are becoming a headache. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
547 I'm sending you to a specialist. Stephen King. 1.2857 0.07055 42 30 12 0
548 Better for you to skip this and go straight to a second opinion. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
549 To be administered no more than once a day, with plenty of water. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
550 Blow out your lab results and make a wish! 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
551 The good news, you're going to live forever. The bad news, you'll have to relocate. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
552 I'm sending your records to the cloud. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
553 I'll be more careful during your laser surgery. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
554 Does it burn when you pee? 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
555 Clark Kent disagrees with the findings of his physical examination. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
556 I've never seen such inflammation in a lab report 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
557 Look on the bright side. You won't have to file your taxes next year. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
558 This might result in a bit of redness, swelling or discoloration of the skin. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
559 You may experience a bit of discomfort. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
560 Frankly, your lab results cause me some concern 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
561 In this case, I suggest we both consult Google. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
562 It appears you've got a severe case of chartburn. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
563 Our filing system has been upgraded since the last cyber-attack. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
564 Your pyrocyte count is off the charts. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
565 First, the good news. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
566 Just picked up your health care coverage plan. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
567 Our updated firewall protects against anyone ever seeing your records! 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
568 Your test came back positive for arson. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
569 This is your prescription on drugs. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
570 Now, imagine this is your liver. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
571 I see you're sexually active. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
572 Your colonoscopy report says extensive jalapeños. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
573 According to your test results it appears you haven't stopped smoking. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
574 Labs concur. It burns when you pee. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
575 So it feels like that when you urinate? 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
576 Just wait till they get started on tax reform. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
577 This way I never have to worry about malpractice 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
578 I'm not sure you're going to be able to handle the test results. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
579 So much for preexisting conditions! 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
580 If this doesn't work, I suggest you try ice. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
581 You have the lab results from hell, I'm afraid. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
582 Now, I don't want to alarm you... 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
583 Definitely inflammation here. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
584 You say you been having heart burn lately 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
585 This doesn't end well. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
586 Well, let's start with the good news. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
587 ...and then let's say this is your urinary tract. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
588 I'm afraid it isn't all good news. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
589 Your test results are positive for inflammation. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
590 Yes, it's fire - but it's the good kind. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
591 Bill, schmill. You'll be dead in a week. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
592 You want the good news first? 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
593 So, your colonoscopy results are back. Lets see here... 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
594 My professional diagnosis is that you're Satan. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
595 Drink plenty of fluids. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
596 No need for alarm. Our smoke detector has that covered. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
597 I'll have to make this quick. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
598 Yeah, I'd say your fever's pretty high. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
599 There's no paper trail for malpractice suits. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
600 With HIPAA rules, it's better I burn these right away. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
601 If you want a second opinion, you better hurry! 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
602 Your Insurance Company just got back to me on your coverage. 1.2857 0.09810 42 34 4 4
603 You asked to go paperless. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
604 Unfortunately,your prior condition has flared up again! 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
605 It appears that the diagnosis is Spontaneous Combustion. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
606 You must have a very high security clearance. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
607 I found a solution for people without health insurance. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
608 So there are two options.. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
609 Looks to me like a severe case of halitosis. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
610 You might want to get a second opinion 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
611 I'm going to need you to pee on this 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
612 Well, normally I'd rule out demonic possession... 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
613 The inflammation seems to be spreading. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
614 Your test results show severe inflammatory response. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
615 This report will self destruct in 30 seconds. 1.2857 0.07055 42 30 12 0
616 Don't worry, it's our latest measure in data security. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
617 Well, this explains your night sweats. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
618 I recommend reducing your carbon footprint. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
619 How long have I been smoking? Sorry, are you asking me or chart? 1.2857 0.07055 42 30 12 0
620 I don't mean to set off any alarms, but you might not have time for a second opinion. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
621 It seems you forgot to pay your premium. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
622 Your insurance claim was denied. 1.2857 0.10385 42 35 2 5
623 Why would you think it's bad news? 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
624 No need to worry, it's just some mild inflammation. 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
625 Relax as I secure your personal data with our God-Only-Knows™ encryption technology. 1.2857 0.08544 42 32 8 2
626 There's a problem with your insurance... 1.2857 0.09199 42 33 6 3
627 Very very quickly, please verify your name and date of birth. 1.2857 0.07835 42 31 10 1
628 I've got some good news and some hot news 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
629 You're fine but I'm afraid this bill will burn a hole in your pocket. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
630 Hmm, this could be a little more serious than we first thought. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
631 think you have problems? look at me! 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
632 I think it's heartburn. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
633 Your charts indicate a history of inflammation. 1.2750 0.07150 40 29 11 0
634 This doesn't end well. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
635 No worries....you won't be here for long. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
636 This treatment is fairly controversial. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
637 On the plus side, you'll be less dependent on fossil fuels. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
638 Worst case of heartburn I've ever seen. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
639 You have chartburn. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
640 And I thought your cholesterol was high. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
641 This won't happen after we switch to electronic medical records. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
642 Any medical experiments I should know about? 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
643 It's a lot more than a flicker of hope 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
644 Trust me, you don't want to know. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
645 For you, this lab report looks entirely normal, Mr. Lucifer. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
646 This is the effects of the GOP healthcare bill. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
647 I burned a copy of your medical report for your records. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
648 Your insurance company doesn't pay me to explain the results. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
649 This treatment should have an immediate effect in reducing your list of symptoms. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
650 One thing I can tell you, these test results will be difficult to handle. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
651 If your health plan won't cover it, your fire insurance will. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
652 I think you'll be fine if you cut back on the jalapeños. 1.2750 0.07150 40 29 11 0
653 Your rectal exam results are saying you should lay off on Taco Bell. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
654 The results call for an anti-inflammatory. 1.2750 0.07150 40 29 11 0
655 Worst diagnosis of Heat Burn I have ever seen... 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
656 Let's start over - the readout says you're dead. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
657 I have your spontaneous human combustion test results. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
658 This isn't your chart, it's just your money. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
659 Coverage is being denied! 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
660 Let's just say the Gates of Hell are ready to claim you. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
661 It saves on malpractice suits. 1.2750 0.07150 40 29 11 0
662 I often see this during flu and brush fire season. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
663 Your pyrokinesis is indeed impressive, but the bill will still need to be paid. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
664 Do you have any long-term travel plans? 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
665 Apparently we are no longer accepting your health plan. You've been assigned to the high risk pool. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
666 Wow! I've never seen a referral denied THAT quickly! 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
667 Before I give you the results, check out this flyer from the crematorium. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
668 I'm afraid it's chartburn. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
669 Well, first of all, you look terrific. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
670 Our new, interactive records system tells me that you have a fever. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
671 On a scale from 1 to 10, with this being a 10, rate your burning sensation. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
672 Good news first? 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
673 YOU HAVE TO LAY OFF THE HOT SAUCE. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
674 The test results show that you might want to curb your sex life a bit.... 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
675 Ah, don't read anything into this. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
676 I'm afraid the news is not good. Moreover, I've received this from hell confirming your reservation. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
677 No, it doesn't mean you're hot stuff 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
678 You might feel a slight burning sensation 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
679 I think we can skip the urinalysis. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
680 And there's no family history of pyrokinesis? 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
681 Apparently your insurance company is denying coverage. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
682 The only thing I can find is some inflammation in your chart. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
683 This won't take long. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
684 Sorry, it's HIPAA. Says "Burn after reading." 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
685 Your chart indicates you should be drinking more water. 1.2750 0.07150 40 29 11 0
686 ...But other than that, everything appears normal. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
687 I'm sorry, but your insurance doesn't cover demonic possession. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
688 Your results are... abnormal. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
689 Relax, this isn't your test results. It's my divorce agreement. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
690 It's fine. No one can read my handwriting anyway. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
691 You've been watching cable news again, haven't you. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
692 As you can see it's not good news. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
693 It's confirmed, you are a hot mess. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
694 Sir. I'm afraid that your insurer denied treatment for pyromania. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
695 I think it is under control. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
696 While I suspected an unusual form of heartburn, the report indicates you're just a flaming idiot. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
697 You'll need to fill a script for a nonnegotiable ceasefire. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
698 No no no. Your results are fine. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
699 Your secret is safe with me.... 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
700 This isn't your diagnosis. It's your bill. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
701 It's hot at first, but then you'll get used to it! 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
702 That's fine, I didn't like the second opinion anyway. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
703 I think what we need here is an anti-inflammatory. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
704 Clark, stop staring at your lab report. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
705 Uh, well, this IS the second opinion. 1.2750 0.07150 40 29 11 0
706 The inflammation is even worse than I thought. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
707 I'm afraid there isn't much time. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
708 You're right. You have a hunka, hunka burning love 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
709 I can't say how long you have to live, but you're going to hell. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
710 Well Sam, it looks like the diagnosis is chart burn. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
711 This is you sitting on your ass. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
712 Your test results appear quite normal, Speaker Ryan. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
713 No, this test is pretty conclusive. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
714 Sorry, appears you have Trumpcare. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
715 You need to drink more water. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
716 HIPPA guidelines - it improves confidentiality. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
717 I think I am going to start you on some anti-inflammatory agents. 1.2750 0.07996 40 30 9 1
718 Hold on. I'm getting a message from your insurance company! 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
719 Your heartburn results are back. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
720 Test results? This is your insurance policy. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
721 And that's just your liver! 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
722 Your chart says smoker 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
723 It's even worse than it looks. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
724 And for my next trick I'm going to make you stop smoking. 1.2750 0.10119 40 33 3 4
725 Well, I think we have the answer from your provider. 1.2750 0.09465 40 32 5 3
726 Let me put it this way. 1.2750 0.08761 40 31 7 2
727 Your test results are disturbing. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
728 I should have started with the good news. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
729 Whatever you've got, it's getting braver. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
730 It appears you need a very strong anti-inflammatory 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
731 I think I will give you that referral. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
732 This diagnosis will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
733 ...and we are left with only the bad news. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
734 According to the lab results, you're a hot mess. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
735 Your cholesterol looks better, but you need to lay off the habañeros. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
736 I’d say you narrowly escaped a case of spontaneous combustion. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
737 Amazing test. Not only do we know how and when you’ll die, but where you’ll be spending eternity. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
738 These lab results show acute inflammation. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
739 Do you want to call your wife or the undertaker? 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
740 Where would you like your ashes spread? 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
741 What you don't know can't hurt you. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
742 It's our new way to get rid of disease. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
743 Let's see here...do you want the good .....oh, never mind. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
744 Then we read the ashes. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
745 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we're burning your files, you have 6 months to live. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
746 You have a fever. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
747 We've determined the cause of the burning sensaton. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
748 Have you traveled to Hell in the last 60 days? 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
749 Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first? 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
750 The lab results show you're healthy but still eternally damned. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
751 This can't be good. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
752 Just our way of showing how much we respect your privacy. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
753 Flame bursts typically mean you’re in a high-deductible plan—and you lied about being a nonsmoker on the form. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
754 My malpractice attorney doesn't believe in paper trails. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
755 We maintain confidentiality by keeping no records. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
756 The good news is, I'm not sleeping with your wife. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
757 I know its frustrating, but we take patient confidentiality very seriously. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
758 Bad news. Your inflammation has spread. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
759 The medical privacy laws are getting out of hand. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
760 You're just fine, but your chart's terminal. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
761 Have you been having any hot flashes? 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
762 I'm sorry to say, you are one hot mess! 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
763 Your lab results indicate you have spontaneous indigestion. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
764 This insures that your medical records are HIPAA compliant. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
765 Your file was fake news. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
766 I'm putting you on the water diet. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
767 Probably a good time to update your life insurance. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
768 Mexican food during your colonoscopy fasting, Ralph? 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
769 Whether the glass is half empty or full, you might want to dump it on this and hope for the best. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
770 Not only can I not show you, but these new HIPPA privacy safeguards prevent me from even reading your test results. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
771 Symptoms may include a burning sensation when you pay. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
772 Sorry...this has been happening ever since Congress attempted to reform health care. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
773 Says here you're a pyromaniac. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
774 We use self-destructing paper to protect your privacy 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
775 We're going to treat this aggressively with water and sand. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
776 Do you want the good news or the bad news first....and hurry up and decide. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
777 A little on the high side 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
778 You have quite the inflammation 1.2632 0.10455 38 32 2 4
779 We can definitely get you in that trial. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
780 Yes, a burning sensation...I can see that. 1.2632 0.07239 38 28 10 0
781 Your test results, Mr. Phelps. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
782 Looks like your premiums just went up again. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
783 Alt-insurance, alt-treatment! 1.2632 0.10455 38 32 2 4
784 This diagnosis will self-destruct in five seconds. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
785 It's the results from your afterlife screening. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
786 Path lab's sick sense of humor. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
787 Inflammation seems to be your problem. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
788 Good, you're sitting down. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
789 Preliminary results suggest heartburn. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
790 The anti-inflammatory doesn't seem to be working. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
791 When is this fucking acid going to wear off? 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
792 You should get second opinion. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
793 These new informed consents self destruct after signing 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
794 Mind if I get that urine sample right here and now? 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
795 I thought this was better than telling you your test results. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
796 OK. Records show you just moved here from Hell. Is that correct ? 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
797 Your heartburn is getting a little serious! 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
798 I guess the filibuster didn't work. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
799 Let's say your lab results are rather concerning 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
800 Looks like we'll be scheduling you for a covert operation. 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
801 You have a serious inflammation! 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
802 It's not cancer, just inflammation. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
803 I could try to diagnose this but would feel better if you saw a specialist. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
804 I recommend blowing on it. 1.2632 0.07239 38 28 10 0
805 It's a hellish diagnosis, I'm afraid. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
806 Your prognosis is, well....it's not great. 1.2632 0.07239 38 28 10 0
807 It looks like a referral to a specialist is in order. 1.2632 0.07239 38 28 10 0
808 There's good news and there's bad news. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
809 Good news is I've identified what's causing that burning sensation. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
810 You tested positive for eternal damnation. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
811 I have some good news and some bad news. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
812 If you'd told me you were with the CIA, I wouldn't have held your chart to read it. 1.2632 0.10455 38 32 2 4
813 This ensures full compliance with HIPAA 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
814 As bad as this looks, the cure can be found in the sink to your left.... 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
815 We're going digital. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
816 On the whole, I'd say you're done for. 1.2632 0.08992 38 30 6 2
817 The horcrux has been destroyed. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
818 I see here that you have not been eating an apple a day 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
819 Well, it's not good news. 1.2632 0.10455 38 32 2 4
820 Malpractice? I don't think you have a case. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
821 See, you really need to take it with a glass of water! 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
822 Make a wish 1.2632 0.09751 38 31 4 3
823 We call it Repeal and Incinerate. 1.2632 0.08163 38 29 8 1
824 Forget the aspirin, a glass of water will do fine. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
825 And I see here your insurance was denied. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
826 Whoops -- I see your insurance just lapsed. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
827 The lab tests came back as inconclusive, but I think we're dealing with chronic inflammation 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
828 Sorry. It wasn't a false alarm. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
829 Your health insurance company is going up in flames. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
830 Mr. Travolta it seems you have a rare case of 'disco inferno' 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
831 Seems to be more of a spiritual dilemma. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
832 I’ve alerted the CDC and the Fire Department. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
833 Your labs showed some red flags. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
834 It's going to take more than an anti-inflammatory. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
835 Well, that explains the burning. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
836 Maybe it's better you didn't know the results. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
837 Yeah, but other than that, your test results seem perfectly normal. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
838 Well, the good news is that you don't have hypothermia 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
839 I can't guarantee confidentiality, but it's a start! 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
840 This will sting a bit. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
841 I've got good news and bad news. You're gonna want the good news first. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
842 We've received your test results, Mr. Brown, and I'm concerned. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
843 Do you experience burning during urination? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
844 Now, do you think cremation is right for you? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
845 That's some fever you have there, Mr. Burns. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
846 To be honest with you, your lab results are a report from hell 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
847 I'm afraid I have some bad news, Kevin. Your test results have self-immolated. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
848 It appears Satan likes your résumé. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
849 Your Urology report came back 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
850 It looks like you ate a fire ant. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
851 The test results are positive, yet again, concerning your eternal damnation. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
852 And when did you start losing control of your super power? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
853 We're very serious about patient privacy. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
854 I would say we need to run some more tests. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
855 Let's just start from scratch. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
856 Just how long did you work on your tan in Chernobyl? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
857 Your test results indicate you have an inflammation. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
858 No, it's not a miracle. I was trying to hide my cigarette. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
859 You have spontaneous combustion. And apparently it's contagious. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
860 Report shows you have a flaming hemorrhoid. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
861 You say this started after you watched a Steven King Movie ? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
862 I've got the test results. You were right, you are a hot mess. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
863 This is going to hurt. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
864 Do you have any family history of spontaneous combustion? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
865 Well, there goes the good news. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
866 Oh. You printed out my Web M.D. physician reviews? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
867 You have the worst case of reflux I've ever seen. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
868 No, no, you're still dying. The good news is that I remembered to bring my fireproof gloves today. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
869 I'm afraid it's pyrokinesis. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
870 The problem appears to be inflammation. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
871 Time to cut down on the habaneros. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
872 Your diagnosis, should you choose to accept it... 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
873 Your heartburn is obviously more severe than we thought. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
874 you have a bad case of chart burn 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
875 Sir, this is why you don't eat ghost peppers. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
876 These are your lab results. Anything you'd like to tell me? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
877 These lab results suggest we should both quit smoking. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
878 Your Tabasco numbers are a little high. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
879 I'm afraid your chronic inflammation is off the charts. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
880 Sorry for the wait. We've been putting out fires all morning. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
881 I am not going to sugarcoat it, the results of your tests are not good... 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
882 According to our new virtual medical records, you either have heartburn or hemorrhoids. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
883 Sorry, our paperless charting is not portable. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
884 Okay Mr. Trump. So now that I have burned your physical report, you want me to write that you are in the most incredible shape of any man I have ever seen.. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
885 Privacy regulations. You'll never know. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
886 Odds are your insurance won't cover it. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
887 Here's our new privacy policy. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
888 I recommend taking this with a glass of water. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
889 Your biopsy results tell me you are still eating those hot peppers. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
890 About that STD... 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
891 Looks like they've moved their ACA replacement to production. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
892 You'd be correct to assume that it is not good news, Mr. Young. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
893 We should have had you on a stronger anti-inflammatory. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
894 Please point to your level of inflammation. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
895 Okay, fine, other than the burning sensation, everything is normal. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
896 It's called SnapChart 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
897 Your diagnosis is not good. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
898 Trumpcare requires us to reduce our files. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
899 Given your medical history, I’ll pursue a less traditional approach. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
900 I'm sorry to say you have hemroids. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
901 Man. Our new report writer really whips these out fast. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
902 This is usually used to treat something else, but it might work here. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
903 Now, no one will know you're a woman unless you want them to. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
904 We just received this reply from your health insurance provider and it doesn't look encouraging. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
905 Feeling a little feverish, are you? 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
906 Let's just say you shouldn't buy green bananas. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
907 Noses are fucking hard as hell to draw, amirite? Sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and draw whatever. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
908 We're going paperless. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
909 Well, it appears as though the Affordable Care Act has been repealed after all. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
910 There goes your health plan. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
911 Your libido is off-the-charts! 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
912 Our tests indicate you have a rare form of spontaneous combustion! 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
913 What did you eat 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
914 Too soon for my performance art piece on Trumpcare Mr Ryan? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
915 I see you're having a flare up. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
916 To show you our commitment to electronic medical records. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
917 Quick: the good news first or the bad?? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
918 I'm afraid it's worse than heartburn. It's chartburn. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
919 Your prognosis sounds much better than it appears. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
920 Telling me in advance that my nurse is your ex-wife would have been prudent. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
921 ...and that's just the lab report. 1.2500 0.10820 36 31 1 4
922 Side effects may include pyrokinesis. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
923 I'm afraid you've had another flare up 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
924 You got a hunka hunka burning love from somebody. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
925 I see you're still a pyromaniac. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
926 Uh oh, it looks like we'e going to need your fire insurance policy number. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
927 When this happens to a patient's records, it's usually not a good omen. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
928 You really must stop smoking. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
929 Do you believe in the afterlife? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
930 I'm not alarmed, but something has caught my eye. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
931 The interaction of the drugs you take could be a problem. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
932 Dont' be alarmed, it's just a new HIPPA requirement 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
933 No need to bend over, just stop, drop, and roll. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
934 I don't have malpractice insurance but I am covered for fire 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
935 As you can see, results from tests we ran on your eternal soul are back from the lab... 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
936 Hemorrhoids. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
937 I don't see any reason to be concerned 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
938 By any chance, do you ever experience a burning sensation? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
939 That's what I think of your first opinion! 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
940 We really, really don't accept HMO. 1.2500 0.10820 36 31 1 4
941 It seems you’re running a bit of a temperature. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
942 Your Affordable Care Act benefits are really going up in flames . 1.2500 0.10820 36 31 1 4
943 You're fine, but your chart has a pre-existing ignition. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
944 Sorry. I'm usually doing a magic act at the club on Thursdays. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
945 Our HMO is taking this paperless thing seriously. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
946 Your Obamacare policy finally exploded. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
947 The tests were inconclusive, but I think you should drink more water. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
948 This is just the Constitution. Your Obamacare policy hasn't burst into flames just yet. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
949 It's worse than I thought. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
950 We'll be starting you on something for the heartburn. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
951 Have you tried icing it? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
952 No need for alarm, just drink plenty of liquids. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
953 Second opinion? Well, I guess we won't be needing this. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
954 Maybe cut back on the habaneros. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
955 You really need to quit fracking. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
956 This is what I think of second opinions. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
957 To maintain your insurance, we are confirming that you have no preexisting conditions 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
958 I tell most patients to avoid asbestos but in your case... 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
959 Evidently your ex-wife has contributed to your medical history. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
960 New HIPAA privacy rules 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
961 Unfortunately, the test came back positive. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
962 Swallow 2 fire extinguishers and call me in the morning. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
963 I don't think you'll get a second opinion. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
964 Now without looking at me, how long has this 'stare at something and it burns' thing been going on? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
965 You have no pre existing conditions 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
966 I'm going to have to Google these results 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
967 Would you rather hear the good news first? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
968 You're a hot mess.... 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
969 Not what I intended by a carbon copy of your records... 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
970 I see you haven't been taking those anti-inflammation pills we talked about. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
971 This is what I think of your Contract of Carriage Mr. Munoz. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
972 You've been diagnosed with pyromania. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
973 Your plan only covers a reading of the ashes. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
974 I see you suffer from a burning sensation. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
975 All I ever do around here is put out fires. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
976 Well on paper it looks like classic heartburn. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
977 Of course you might want to get a second opinion. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
978 It's our new privacy policy. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
979 This IS the second opinion. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
980 You really don't want to know! 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
981 I am going to recommend you get a second opinion. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
982 Your results suggest it may be serious. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
983 Right now we can not concern ourselves about the side effects 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
984 Now for out next test Mr. Kent I'm going to hold up a piece of wood, 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
985 HIPAA requires that I burn after reading. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
986 It's not as bad as it looks. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
987 ....and who are you? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
988 Before I tell you the results, I must warn you that there is cause for concern. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
989 Malpractice insurance is too expensive, we can only afford fire. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
990 I'm sorry, sir; your chances just went up in smoke. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
991 We're well beyond a topical. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
992 I suggest you cut back on the chili peppers. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
993 Where did you say those mushrooms came from? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
994 Your coverage self-combusts in the event of an illness. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
995 We take confidentiality very seriously in this practice. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
996 Your blood work says you are toast. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
997 I share your concerns... pre-existing no longer. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
998 Just sign right here and you can live forever... 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
999 Definitely a new strain of heartburn. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
1000 Yes, I'm positive you have eye inflammation. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
1001 Unfortunately, the inflammation is spreading. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
1002 It's the new patient privacy regulations,now nobody gets to see the test results. 1.2500 0.10820 36 31 1 4
1003 Now close your right eye and tell me if you see anything unusual? 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1004 I can only imagine how it feels when you urinate. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1005 Yes we do take medical privacy very seriously at this clinic. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1006 Don't worry about your tiny hands, I have two eyelashes and my nose is an 'L'. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1007 It's just inflammation. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1008 The test came back positive: you've got heartburn. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
1009 The test results say that you are going straight to hell. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1010 You need to lay off the sriracha sauce. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1011 I don't know what it is, but I bet it hurts like hell. 1.2500 0.07319 36 27 9 0
1012 Your chart says you're not going to Heaven. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1013 Its the Mother Of All Prescriptions. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1014 Well, your hemorrhoids have gotten much worse. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1015 So you really did sell your soul to the devil! 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1016 Your lab report indicates acute inflammation. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1017 The good news is, we found out what's wrong with your liver. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
1018 Your labs indicate we up the anti-inflammatories and we do a joint TED talk. 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
1019 You've really let yourself go to hell. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1020 You're letting yourself go to hell 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1021 The inflammation concerns me. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1022 I didn't realize your heartburn treatment could become ironic. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1023 This can't be good news... 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
1024 On the bright side, the other three humors look pretty good. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1025 Sometimes it's not just your pants that catch on fire. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1026 It's the worst case of inflammation that I've ever seen! 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1027 Then we read the ashes and your treatment plan will be clear 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1028 It's not your test results; it's the amount of the fee for them. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1029 I have bad news, your DNA results indicate you are mainly from Hell. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1030 Whatever you have, it's not good. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1031 The test results indicate that not only are you going to die, you're going to burn in hell. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1032 We found arsonic in your blood. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1033 Oops, your insurance policy seems to be self destructing 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1034 Highest phosphorous count I've seen. 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1035 I see you suffer from pyrokinesis. 1.2500 0.09237 36 29 5 2
1036 You have a VERY high fever! 1.2500 0.10059 36 30 3 3
1037 Let's see Mr. Lucifer, where should we start? 1.2500 0.08333 36 28 7 1
1038 And now could you describe the burning sensation on a scale of one to ten. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1039 Looks like you have hemorrhoids. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1040 This is radical, but you'll never complain of heartburn ever again. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1041 Your fire policy won't cover these tests either. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1042 So much for your pre-existing condition. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1043 The good news is: I have the hottest new research on your condition. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1044 Aha! A slightly elevated reticulocyte count. We see this in a lot of our demonic possession patients. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1045 I’m afraid your rhetoric is inflamed. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1046 You're running a temperature of 451. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1047 You could of just said "I would prefer to not have a colonoscopy." 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1048 Your lab report is, well, hellacious. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1049 The lab has called. This is the worst case of heartburn they have ever seen. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1050 The tests suggest you cut back on tequila-flamed shrimp tostadas. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1051 Well, I suppose it could be a false positive. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1052 We'll have to adjust your x-ray vision settings. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1053 ' Now is definitely the time to have that end of life discussion with your family.' 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1054 You definitely are going to need a Colonoscopy! 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1055 We'll never speak of these results again. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1056 Well, sorry, but that's it for Obamacare. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1057 I have good news and I have bad news. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1058 Your inflammation is off the chart 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1059 For burning hemorrhoids we fight fire with fire. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1060 Using your psychokinetic power to burn your chart isn't going to change my diagnosis, Fred. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1061 Classic Chartburn. Lay off the Mexican food. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1062 You're right. You are burning up. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1063 Are you sure you're not having any burning upon urination? 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1064 You know, Mr. Miller, I can always make another copy of your bill. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1065 So , Mr. Montag, any preexisting conditions? 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1066 I have the results of your tests, and they don't look good. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1067 You really must take care to hydrate more frequently. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1068 I wish I could tell you its just a regular hemorrhoid. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1069 Just one more magic trick and then we'll check your knee, ok? 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1070 Let me start from the bottom. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1071 OK, it's done Julie, no evidence of the operation ever having had taken place. 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1072 I don't mean to alarm you, but I've never seen a flare up this bad. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1073 Looks like you have a pre-existing condition 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1074 I find you devilishly hard to diagnose. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1075 Well sir, I guess these were alternative facts after all. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1076 I find this method significantly reduces any HIPAA violation concerns. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1077 Your results are worse than I expected. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1078 I'm sorry. I've been instructed to rigorously deny you treatment. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1079 You will self-destruct in 10 minutes. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1080 What kind of chilis did you say you ate? 1.2353 0.07384 34 26 8 0
1081 I am going to take the oxygen out of the room, now. 1.2353 0.10392 34 29 2 3
1082 On the plus side, we've ruled out asbestos poisoning. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1083 Yes, yes, I absolutely understand! 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1084 I recommend you see a pyrologist. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1085 Do you have a history of pyromania? 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1086 We're burning all of our records into a cloud. 1.2353 0.09496 34 28 4 2
1087 I am afraid your lab results are disappointing. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1088 Told ya you're a hot mess. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1089 Youe health is fine. This is just another consequence of global warming. 1.2353 0.08506 34 27 6 1
1090 The good news is we found you a match... 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1091 I'm going to have to read this very quickly, so listen carefully. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1092 Now let me know if this recreates your symptoms. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1093 OMG, you should be dead. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1094 It seems your insurance carrier has refused coverage. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1095 Your cholesterol levels are a little higher than I typically like to see. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1096 I'm afraid it's spreading. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1097 Should you get ill, my secretary will disavow all knowledge of this diagnosis. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1098 To answer your question, breathing fire is a constant side effect of your condition. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1099 Medical Privacy meets Mission Impossible. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1100 First the good news---an ambulance has already been dispatched. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1101 Our newest technology to dissuade Russian hackers 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1102 You've been burning calories like crazy! 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1103 Federal and state laws mandate that you are legally compelled to inform all of your past sexual partners of this diagnosis. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1104 Don't worry -- this always happens whenever Trump mentions Obamacare. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1105 Apparently you did not read Article VI, Clause D, page 17,954, of the Affordable Care Act. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1106 I picked this up while practicing in Vegas. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1107 They say you should know everything but I’m not convinced. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1108 I got a magic set for my birthday--voilla. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1109 Really, it only reads that you'll have a slight burning sensation 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1110 Trust, me. In your condition, this is the best option. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1111 It's a new hemorrhoid treatment - just bend over and clasp your knees, please. 1.2188 0.10752 32 28 1 3
1112 Mr. Bond, your secret is safe - this Viagra prescription will self-destruct in 10 seconds. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1113 Looks like you may have heartburn. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1114 It says, 'You are possessed'. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1115 Looks like your symptoms are flaring up. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1116 Your insurance did cover the tests, but not the results. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1117 Mr. Bradbury, you have a body temperature of 451º 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1118 Could you come in 15 minutes early next appointment and fill these out---again? 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1119 Good luck getting your prescription filled. This has every indication of Russian interference with the erection process. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1120 Needless to say, it wasn't good news. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1121 I'm afraid the report speaks for itself. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1122 The results of your labs are alarming. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1123 A simple anti inflammatory should clear this up. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1124 X-ray machine is down so I'm going to read these ashes. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1125 Be sure to take this with a full glass of water. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1126 I'm going to need more tests 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1127 This is your stomach on taco Tuesday, any questions? 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1128 I'm afraid I have some bad news... 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1129 Inflammatory bowel disease, worst case I've seen. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1130 Your chart has a few irregularities. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1131 It's the Administration's new scorched-earth health care reform. 1.2188 0.10752 32 28 1 3
1132 I think these test results are self explanatory. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1133 You had insurance. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1134 It's actually worse than it looks. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1135 What's the name of that Mexican restaurant again? 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1136 Well, I used to say the medical results don't lie. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1137 Yes, it's for, um uh, patient confidentiality purposes... 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1138 I've seen this before...you're out of network aren't you? 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1139 Your chart looks like hell! 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1140 Your test results confirm your jalapeno addiction. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1141 After taking a swab of your month the evidence points to a possible link to a dragon from 800 A D. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1142 This is our new breath test. Extinguish this as fast as possible. Go! 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1143 This prescription has one little side effect. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1144 You weren't supposed to urinate directly on the forms, but I think we might have bigger problems here. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1145 You'll be fine but your bill is about to explode. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1146 And who did you say referred you, Mr. Faust? 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1147 Some insurance authorizations just do this. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1148 The good news is it's not contagious. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1149 We think you might be possessed, 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1150 As you can see, the drug's side effects are still being determined. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1151 I found a match for your DNA. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1152 Well, there went the good news. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1153 So do you want the good news or the bad news first? 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1154 Based on what I'm seeing in the ashes, your ancestors think it's a urinary tract infection. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1155 Our new Internet firewall ensures that no one will ever gain unauthorized access ro your medical records. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1156 That *was* the second opinion. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1157 Tell me, does your medical insurance have insurance? 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1158 We're serious about patient confidentiality. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1159 The new patient-records confidentiality system is still a little buggy. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1160 The good news is, your test results will expire before you do. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1161 Lets discuss your hemorrhoid results. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1162 This is the most contagious gonorrhea I've ever seen 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1163 If your hand doesn't burn, you have health coverage. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1164 Vasectomy? 1.2188 0.10752 32 28 1 3
1165 Do I have an inflamed tissue? 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1166 No more pre-xisting condition 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1167 Seems Trump just bombed your Obamacare. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1168 We take patient confidentiality very seriously. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1169 Funny, I'm also feeling a burning sensation. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1170 Trump Care, for now. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1171 Never mind the Rorschach test. At this juncture, we have three options left: revisit your laser eye surgery, embed you in a fire brigade or sign you up with a Marvel agent. Personally, I favor the last. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1172 Do you want the good news, first, or the bad news? 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1173 The internet of things says it could be many things. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1174 I'm destroying the evidence. You don't want solicitors finding out you're O-negative. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1175 Yeah, the Trumpcare rollout has had a few problems. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1176 Samsung tablet. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1177 This is the worst case of inflamed hemorrhoids I've ever seen. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1178 It's part of our Bronze Member confidentiality policy. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1179 Your condition is flaring up again, I see. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1180 Our policy is to share your medical records with no one. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1181 Now, about your hemorrhoids... 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1182 My malpractice lawyer insists. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1183 What's wrong? Well, that seems to be the burning question. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1184 It's your insurance policy, it's set to auto-destruct 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1185 You don't want your wife to see these charts. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1186 Do you want the good news or the bad news? 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1187 Your test results are negative, but your Twitter feed is on fire. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1188 I'm afraid that your test results reveal some burning issues! 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1189 I have the results of your STD tests. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1190 take two tablets and you will be the leader of a great people before you die. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1191 This represents you living with hemorrhoids. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1192 Nurse, fire extinguisher...and you can forget about the thermometer. 1.2188 0.10752 32 28 1 3
1193 After you read the patient his bill, it will self destruct so he cannot question it. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1194 Bad news. It looks inflamed, John. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1195 Looks like a bad case of chartburn. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1196 It would be a mistake to ignore your test results. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1197 I'm afraid your illness has progressed to the "make burnt offerings to the gods" stage. 1.2188 0.10752 32 28 1 3
1198 Now just imagine these are your hemorrhoids... 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1199 You have an inflammatory condition. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1200 I don't like the looks of your PSA test results. 1.2188 0.09770 32 27 3 2
1201 We are HIPAA-compliant. 1.2188 0.07425 32 25 7 0
1202 Your test results are back...Why don't you just go out and make the best of today. 1.2188 0.08677 32 26 5 1
1203 I have some burning questions about your lifestyle choices. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1204 Your lab results seem to indicate you've taken up smoking again. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1205 Your cholesterol looks fine, but you're still running a temperature of 451 degrees Fahrenheit. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1206 I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I am just getting warmed up. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1207 No chart, no pre-existing condition. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1208 Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1209 I don't think you need a second opinion. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1210 You have a great suture in front of you. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1211 I think heartburn could be a factor. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1212 Well, you're as healthy as a horse - but God seems to be annoyed with you... 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1213 Based on your test results, I'd appreciate payment in advance. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1214 This is your brain on drugs. Do you still have questions? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1215 Your Jedi powers won't save you this time. You still have to cut out salt, drink less, stop smoking, and lose weight. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1216 I think we're going to have to increase the strength of your antacids. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1217 Have you been experiencing a burning sensation? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1218 Yes, fracking does seem to be involved. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1219 This will take care of you for now. When you get home, take the eye of a newt and some wolf-bane and, at midnight in the dark of the moon… 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1220 Results of your hemorrhoids test came back positive. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1221 The test results are back: yours is a very inflammatory condition! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1222 Like I told you, Mr. Sweeney, when you smoke, there's fire! 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1223 This is not a drill. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1224 It says here you're feeling a burning sensation, is that right? 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1225 Let's order some more tests. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1226 I see that your heartburn has flared up. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1227 Do you want to talk about this now, or after you update your will? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1228 You have a very high fever, Mr. Spalding 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1229 You'd be more worried if my pants were on fire.. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1230 Looks like cancer is the GOOD news. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1231 It's not good news. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1232 Congratulations, you're burning up the charts. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1233 The test results are not conclusive, but it looks like Beelzebub will have your immortal soul. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1234 For whatever ails you, Popcorn Flambé. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1235 When I reach the count of 5 you will be healthy again with no trace of your ailments on file. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1236 Have you been baptized? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1237 We don't have much time - your chart self-destructs in 5 seconds 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1238 It appears your hallucinations are contagious. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1239 Yes, I'm afraid it really is inflamed. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1240 Sir, if your alt-medicine shaman interferes with your x-ray one more time, your insurance will refuse to cover it. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1241 There is no way to sugarcoat this. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1242 It's the same old, same old--health insurance is got you fired up again. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1243 Just as I thought. A nasty case of heartburn. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1244 The inflammation has flared up again. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1245 True, it did ask you to circle the area and then best describe what it feels like 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1246 The DNA confirms it. Please send my regards to your mother Rosemary. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1247 When you said "chartburn" I really thought you meant heartburn, but I stand corrected. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1248 This won't happen anymore once we go digital. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1249 In the interest of not alarming the nurses,I have decided to destroy your chart. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1250 Now try to guess if these are your test results or your bill. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1251 The lab report on your hemorrhoids came in. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1252 It's a simple case of hellitosis. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1253 HIPPA now requires that all lab results self destruct. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1254 It's our latest procedure to insure medical privacy, 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1255 This is a new form of incentivisation that managed care provides us with to discontinue the use of paper-based medical records. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1256 And, do you feel a burning sensation? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1257 So, spontaneous inflammation is still bothering you? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1258 You need a stronger anti-inflammatory. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1259 It appears that you checked 'Other'. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1260 I think you've got a bit of a temperature! 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1261 I think we found the source of your heartburn. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1262 I'm thinking you might be contagious. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1263 You appear to have an inflamed co-payment. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1264 The tests show inflammation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1265 Here are your test results -- hot off the press. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1266 New HIPAA regulation! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1267 You're a hot mess.... 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1268 I'm the one with the stethocope, I wouldn't be concerned. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1269 I don't think this can wait. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1270 It says here you're a smoker. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1271 This is a preview of where you're going in about six months. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1272 The news isn't good, but hey, look at the pretty colors. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1273 Not to worry. These results indicate you're hot and trending. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1274 I'm afraid that your case is simply too hot to handle. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1275 Doc, I think I would rather the prostate exam... 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1276 We are trying to go paperless! 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1277 Maybe I should give the good news first... 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1278 We have a few more tests to run but we are pretty sure it is just inflamed. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1279 This piece of paper, which may or may not include a humorous description of your ailment, is on fire. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1280 Your x-ray confirms depression and that you need a fire under your ass. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1281 According to your swab, it appears you have advanced triple super-herpes. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1282 Try not to take this literally. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1283 No, we don't take TrumpCare either 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1284 Apparently, you've already burned through your deductible. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1285 Results show that you need to cut back on the Tex-Mex. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1286 Your test results came in... it's inflammation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1287 Looks like you've got the insurance plan from hell! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1288 Your test results came back metaphorical. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1289 Well, there's good cholesterol, bad cholesterol, and YOUR cholesterol... 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1290 Look at the bright side! Being spontaneous will help your marriage. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1291 Don’t worry. It's illegible anyways. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1292 The bad news is that you have cancer. The good news is I'm a magician. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1293 The burn rate on reimbursements is killing us. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1294 Looks like you passed the physical for posing on the firemen's calendar. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1295 You're not alone, Ned. Many of us still feel the Bern 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1296 Unfortunately, your pyro kinesis is no longer in remission. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1297 The good news is you are covered, but I feel like you might not have read the fine print. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1298 Your tests show some inflammation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1299 They're incentivizing us to go digital. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1300 You really have Heart Burn! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1301 I am going to refer you to a combustion specialist! 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1302 Looks like we'd better get your temperature down. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1303 Uh... I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1304 Nobody knew that healthcare could be so complicated. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1305 Do you want the bad news or the worse news first? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1306 It's part of the healthcare system's new privacy policy 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1307 You have the worst case of heartburn I've seen lately. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1308 Now let's play guess-your-diagnosis. Here's your first clue. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1309 Here’s your bill for the pyromania treatment. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1310 No news is good news. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1311 You've got dragon breath. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1312 What we have here is a bad flue. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1313 That's a cool magic trick, but you'll still have to have the colonoscopy. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1314 Let's try this and hope that your fire insurance covers it. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1315 De-identified data isn't 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1316 You do have heartburn 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1317 Would you like to guess the results of your STD test? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1318 The prognosis is not good, and the after life looks even worse. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1319 And...the defense rests. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1320 Just as I anticipated, where there's smoke--there's fire! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1321 You're better off pretending the test never happened. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1322 I asked my new secretary to burn a copy for you. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1323 I m trying to understand your burning sensation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1324 Even your chart is inflamed. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1325 I'm afraid you'll have to lay off the Mexican food. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1326 There's a fire bug going around. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1327 You have an inflamed deductible. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1328 The test results suggest an inflammation. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1329 The burning question is.... 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1330 We're sorry, sir, but Trumpcare has denied your claim. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1331 It's quite serious. You have a severe inflammation on your balance due. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1332 Digital records will be cooler. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1333 I'm sorry, but I'm on strict orders to let your health coverage crash and burn. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1334 You are now, officially, a non-entity. Good luck. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1335 I'm afraid that Trump fired your health care policy. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1336 Take two fire extinguishers and call me in the morning. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1337 It's not good news. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1338 Everything looks fantastic!! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1339 I see you have a preëxisting condition. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1340 You may want to cut down on the Sriracha. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1341 Well, Clark, your laser vision seems to be in good shape. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1342 Whoa, we better call Father Karras on this one. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1343 Test is conclusive. It's heartburn. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1344 Brace yourself. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1345 The results are in. It seems like you have a burning case of chlamydia. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1346 The good news - Marvel Comics is calling. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1347 Mr. Kent, you have irritable X-ray vision syndrome. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1348 Now I see what you mean about the burning sensation. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1349 Well, my first recommendation is that you drink more water. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1350 No, you're fine. The lab results have gonorrhea, though. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1351 I think you should see Dr. Fahrenheit. He's in room 451. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1352 Have you experienced any burning sensations recently? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1353 I'm afraid your pyrolytics are a bit high. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1354 I see you have been having some inflammatory problems. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1355 Let's ignore the lab results ! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1356 Now both of us have a " burning sensation" ! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1357 And you were never here! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1358 Don't worry, just uploading your records to the cloud". 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1359 It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes... 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1360 I can inferno conclusions. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1361 I just accepted your Mission Impossible case. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1362 Yes, your results are a bit unusual.... 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1363 Oh, what's the point? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1364 The test came back positive. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1365 Lab report says heartburn. 1.2000 0.11142 30 27 0 3
1366 No insurance? No problem... 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1367 This is a lot faster than waiting to get a denial. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1368 It's not good news, Mr.Dante. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1369 Apparently, your stomach burning is spreading to your chart. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1370 Your lab results make me suspect some inflammation. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1371 I give you 6 months but I've been wrong 98 percent of the time. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1372 Good guess. heartburn it is. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1373 I'm destroying the test results. Does that make you feel better? 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1374 Playing pranks with our stool samples is not OK, Mr. Johnson. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1375 Your insurance has set all deductibles to $666. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1376 This is your esophagus on chili. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1377 I want to assure you that we are very serious about HIPAA compliance. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1378 you should really quit smoking. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1379 It's the new insurance code for 'Not Covered'. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1380 Here are the results from your nuclear isotope test. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1381 You'll probably outlive this prognosis. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1382 Usually, an inflammation wouldn't spread this far. 1.2000 0.11142 30 27 0 3
1383 Liar ,Liar... Your chart's on fire! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1384 I'll even burn my diploma if that's what it takes to say I'm sorry. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1385 Let's skip the prostrate exam today 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1386 He had some burning questions to ask his patient. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1387 I've got bad news and I've got worse news... 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1388 Think of it as an ear candle for constipation. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1389 Let’s just keep this our little secret. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1390 These new Samsung health records are not working out. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1391 Hmm. And you're saying the Zantac didn't work? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1392 It's important that you take this prescription with plenty of water. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1393 This will cure it, although it does have one major side effect. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1394 Frankly, I have never seen results this conclusive. Cut back on the spicy foods! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1395 I'd like to follow up on your statement that you're a non-smoker. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1396 What malpractice? 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1397 You may feel a slight burning sensation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1398 Sorry- my assistant thinks April Fools lasts all month. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1399 Do you smoke? Liar, liar, charts on fire. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1400 Back in the day I saw this prank only at Halloween--some joker's nasty version of a co-pay. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1401 Pyrokinesis is simply not an appropriate response to disappointing test results. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1402 We have a hot new treatment for you! 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1403 Well, it's not a cold sore. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1404 Hmm, I think your benefits changed. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1405 No, no, it doesn't look bad...why do you ask? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1406 Where there's stroke, there's fire. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1407 You have the worst case of heartburn I have ever seen. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1408 So, tell me more about that burning sensation. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1409 I'm sorry Mr. Faust. I can't find an escape clause. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1410 You don't want to know. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1411 I decided to put your EKG on the back burner. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1412 It's confirmed...you are a hunk of burning love. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1413 This may burn a little at first. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1414 I can't read this doctor's handwriting. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1415 Not to worry, second-hand smoke is the least of your problems. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1416 Er....You're probably going to want to seek a second opinion. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1417 You may experience a slight burning sensation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1418 Well, you are running a fever. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1419 Unfortunately, the brimstone treatment, alone, did not work. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1420 Now let's test your reflexes.... 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1421 It's lit. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1422 According to the Internet, your results are fine. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1423 I'll have to prescribe you some anti-inflammatories. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1424 This might sting a bit. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1425 In your case, the consulting specialist really is God. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1426 I am burning up your bill, you won't be around long enough to pay it. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1427 This is the only proof that I performed your surgery. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1428 Before we can proceed, we have to reduce your most basic human rights to cinders. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1429 It says side effects may include spontaneous human combustion. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1430 Does your family have a history of spontaneous combustion? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1431 You were right, you do have a burning issue 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1432 Oddly enough, the results aren't great either. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1433 I wouldn't worry. Yesterday, it was my patient who caught fire. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1434 Yes, it is definitively heartburn. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1435 That's some sneeze, Carl 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1436 These are your lab results, Ralph. Do you still want to claim you're only eating at the Jalapeno Hut once a week? 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1437 Let's start by minimizing your intake of Spicer briefings. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1438 The prognosis is rapid oxidation. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1439 Oh, I thought you said it burned when you read. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1440 Your attorney would have wanted to have this. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1441 Shall I sedate you, first? 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1442 It must be a hard copy virus. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1443 Your malady, the treatment and this disposal of your records are, of course, not covered by your insurance. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1444 Your high blood pressure is really impressive! 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1445 I'm afraid you've got dragon breath. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1446 This way you know your results are confidential. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1447 I'd say they found a way to do away with pre-existing conditions. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1448 So, you must be the Referral From Hell" 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1449 The inflammation is worse than we thought. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1450 Removing this should cut down on the burning sensation, but I'm still concerned about the rash. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1451 These test results are a bad omen 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1452 We have found a treatment match for your insurance 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1453 So, I see you are still smoking... 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1454 Describe your jalapeño pepper diet to me again. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1455 Well Mr. Smith, it would appear you weren't completely honest on this questionnaire... 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1456 Sorry to say but you have heat vision. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1457 And I would probably cut back on the jaleapenas, too. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1458 It's a threat from a rival HMO! 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1459 Raging fever! 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1460 Your blood test indicates a high level of chili pepper. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1461 As you can see inflammation is a burning issue here. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1462 Your health insurance plan is not worth the paper it's printed on. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1463 Your chart indicates an unusual degree of inflammation. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1464 It's simply our policy to burn the things you don't want to know. 1.2000 0.07428 30 24 6 0
1465 They found another way to torch your healthcare. 1.2000 0.08841 30 25 4 1
1466 This was outside the door. I'm guessing your fecal sample is in here. 1.2000 0.10057 30 26 2 2
1467 I have it on file that you're a smoker. 1.1935 0.09749 31 27 2 2
1468 Your test results are fine. And your doctor's a pyromaniac. 1.1935 0.10796 31 28 0 3
1469 You might want to cut back on your sriracha sauce consumption. 1.1935 0.08575 31 26 4 1
1470 There's no testosterone problem 1.1935 0.07213 31 25 6 0
1471 Trumpcare, what can I say? 1.1935 0.09749 31 27 2 2
1472 You may still be a little radioactive. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1473 I did mention that spontaneous combustion was a possible side effect, right? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1474 Your tests came back and they are pretty hot! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1475 Bad decisions ? 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1476 Your arthritis flare-up could be much worse. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1477 Take two of these a day and call your insurance agent. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1478 I wasn't sure you would want to see the results. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1479 I'll call in something stronger for those occasional flare ups. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1480 Well, this is the bad news... 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1481 Believe me, it's not as bad as it looks. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1482 Worst case of hemorrhoids I've ever seen! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1483 As doctor for the Immposible Mission Force, he finds it hard to keep a medical history on his patients. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1484 I've got to stop wearing polyester. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1485 Yes, and the worst thing about heartburn is that it can spread. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1486 Your health insurance company has sent an "incendiary" message concerning your medical coverage. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1487 Cut back on the wings 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1488 Your sriracha levels are high 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1489 You have chartburn. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1490 No no. Your test battery is normal. It's the tablet's. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1491 Unfortunately, it's not just your pants. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1492 I take it you're not happy with your numbers. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1493 Don't think the irony between your flare up and the fact that these charts are on fire has eluded me. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1494 Because it didn't quite feel like a 10 owl day. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1495 Any other reactions to the treatment besides the pyrokinesis? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1496 Looks like some sort of inflammatory response. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1497 Tell me about your urinary symptoms. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1498 FDA approval is imminent. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1499 You have a severe case of inflammation that is extremely contagious. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1500 That burning sensation is contagious. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1501 Not to worry, it's just a flaming case of jock itch. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1502 New corporate policy. I need to read your lab results in 5 seconds or less. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1503 i'm afraid it's not just heartburn. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1504 Your blood pressure is a tad high. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1505 "Unfortunately, Mr. Bradbury, your dystopian view of the future may be valid". 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1506 Not to worry Mr Phillips, it is just a bad case of heartburn. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1507 Good news, you still have some time. Bad news, we know where you'll go. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1508 You might want to rethink the amount of Habanero in your diet. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1509 You have a HELL of a case of gonorrhea. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1510 So I see you've been experiencing some discomfort. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1511 Medically speaking, this is where your health is going! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1512 We might as well sing "Happy Birthday" now because you aren't going to sing it later! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1513 When did you quit smoking, a minute ago? 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1514 Cut down on the Siracha! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1515 You have the first case of Brimstone we've ever seen. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1516 The government confidentiality laws are becoming a bit excessive.. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1517 I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1518 Well, if the new health care plan does away with pre-existing conditions, perhaps then you won't think it so odd that we used flash paper to write your diagnosis. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1519 Let's get started 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1520 Simply put there is no good news 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1521 Let’s talk about your blood pressure and cholesterol. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1522 The lab results show some inflammation... 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1523 Your fever seems to be worsening. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1524 You're fine, Mr. Jones. I just need something to submit to insurance. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1525 I see you have been through a few doctors. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1526 Your medical records are private in this office. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1527 I'm only going to tell you once. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1528 I thought only Samsung phones spontaneously combusted. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1529 So let me be sure, all you are eating are corndogs with tabasco? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1530 We've got to get your fever down - stat! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1531 Evidence! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1532 I see you're a smoker. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1533 Your inflammation level is elevated. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1534 It looks worse than it is. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1535 Well, your results came back and your heartburn really is off the charts. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1536 Apparently it is not a cold after all. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1537 According to this, it's just a simple case of heart burn. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1538 I'm afraid that you may have pyromania by proxy 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1539 We're preparing to go paperless. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1540 Your test results show that you have a very bad case of heart burn. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1541 Your self-destructing medical charts are not helpful, Mr. Hunt. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1542 No more Habanero peppers for you. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1543 As we expected, it's textually transmitted. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1544 The test result shows your appendix is very inflamed. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1545 Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1546 I see the inflammation hasn't subsided. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1547 So, it's contagious? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1548 Looks like we both need to call our insurance companies. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1549 Thanks for the $10,000; no more pre-existing condition. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1550 You diagnoses, if you choose to accept it... 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1551 This is pretty much what's happening in your lungs 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1552 I thought I ought to show you what a bleeding ulcer looks like. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1553 And the X-rays are even worse. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1554 Your medical record shows severe inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1555 You want the good news first? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1556 Bad news on your heartburn problem! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1557 Have you recently been exposed to oxygen? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1558 You have what Mankoff has. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1559 Pyromania is a treatable condition, but your case is a bit challenging 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1560 Told you it burns. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1561 I'd like a second opinion. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1562 Physician assisted suicides aren’t my thing but here’s a hot sauce recipe you might like. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1563 This may be why selling your soul to the Devil has not been "FDA-approved". 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1564 Believe me, you didn't want to see this. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1565 I thought you said you never smoked. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1566 Is there something you forgot to tell me? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1567 I've never seen chartburn this bad. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1568 Look, I didn't vote for him either. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1569 It IS a non-affordable disease 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1570 On the plus side, you don't have to worry about paying off your student loans. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1571 Your test result has come back, do you have a family history of inflammation? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1572 You said it feels like a fire is in your stomach. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1573 You do have the flu from hell. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1574 It's our new firewall to protect patient information. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1575 Yes, well it appears that your hemorrhoids are even worse than originally diagnosed. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1576 Why don't we start by taking your temperature? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1577 Keep doing whatever you're doing, Mr. Morris. Your lab results are on fire! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1578 Well, your thermography report looks good. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1579 I suggest you under go exorcism. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1580 It's definitely heartburn. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1581 Rather touchy about my request to give up cigarettes, aren't we? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1582 Are you sure there's nothing else you want to tell about that trip to Bangkok? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1583 All I said was that you could lose a few pounds, Superman. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1584 I'm afraid you're going straight to hell. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1585 Quit smoking! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1586 What exactly did you 'sell' to have such good health insurance? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1587 I've never seen anything like this before. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1588 The new federally mandated record retention system still needs a little tweaking. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1589 Then this is what will happen to your body. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1590 I think you might have some sort of inflammation. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1591 I'm sorry. This happens every time I listen to The Doors. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1592 Your test results say your health is going to hell 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1593 Your medical records are switching over to digital . 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1594 Your chart indicates chronic heartburn. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1595 Your burning sensation...I'm afraid it may be contagious. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1596 Would it be fair to describe it as a burning sensation? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1597 You should expect some inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1598 I take it you disagree with this report debunking your claim of pyrokinesis. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1599 It's pretty clear you've been going to hell with yourself. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1600 Our office is going paperless. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1601 It only hurts when you reach for your credit card. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1602 I'm telling you to stop smoking. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1603 This office doesn't treat anyone without insurance, but I'll offer up your lab report as a sacrifice to the gods, and we'll see if they step in. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1604 It's the last step in our conversion to electronic medical records. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1605 Your insurance company is trying to tell you something. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1606 So first let's symbolically burn your list of pre-existing conditions... 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1607 I'm tripping so hard right now… 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1608 Oy Vey! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1609 Yes, yes. A most interesting presentation, but don't say 'Ah' again. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1610 After the lab technician took your blood, did he ask you to sign anything? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1611 This is part of our "what you don't know can't hurt you" policy. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1612 It's required by the patient privacy act. We have to burn your test results right after we read them to you. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1613 It's a really bad case of heartburn. I need to refer you to an exorcist. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1614 We just learned your insurance won't cover this procedure! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1615 In my defense, Alfonse, heart-burn doesn't usually flare up like this. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1616 You have "hottie" vitals 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1617 Let's discuss you alcohol consumption. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1618 "You may find this a little painful". 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1619 Your acid reflux test came back abnormally high 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1620 Your X-ray vision is fine. Do you still feel more powerful than a locomotive? 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1621 Sorry. The Freedom Caucus added this provision. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1622 It's because of a new HIPAA privacy requirement. Just sign it quickly. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1623 Its about my smoking, right? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1624 Good news first then? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1625 This medication may cause some inflammation. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1626 You might have some inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1627 In addition to the burning and itching symptoms, it also appears to be contagious. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1628 As you can see, the diagnosis is not good. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1629 You need to lay off the spicy food. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1630 Hmmm, I've heard of this side effect, but this is the first time I've seen it. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1631 This is the only way to keep your records private. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1632 Go figure. I'm also having a burning sensation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1633 Side effects may include pyromania. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1634 I think you've mixed up your appointments James, this is your yearly physical results not your mission impossible. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1635 In my professional opinion you need to leave. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1636 As we suspected, you definitely were attacked by fire ants. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1637 Ummm....well, it isn't good news. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1638 This should help clear your sinuses. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1639 You're probably going to want a second opinion. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1640 Nothing matters. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1641 This is not a good sign. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1642 This is the lab's cute way of saying that your hemorrhoids are inflamed. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1643 This is why doctors hesitate to prescribe pyrokenisis medication. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1644 ...and this is your stomach on Mexican food 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1645 The test results show a touch of inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1646 Oooh...heartburn! I thought you said chart burn. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1647 OK I won't document your powers as pre-existing. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1648 This can't be good. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1649 Yes, that correctly describes the burning. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1650 We're demo-ing a new pilot program to better insure the confidentiality of patient records. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1651 This medication may have some unusual side-effects. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1652 You're going to die and go to hell. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1653 Do you want the good news or the bad news? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1654 Would you like to revise your answer to the exercise frequency question, Mr. Blenkinsop? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1655 This is our new firewall. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1656 'Ashes to ashes' ... if you catch my drift. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1657 We have a donor match for your inflamed liver 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1658 The new president is reflaming the debate about healthcare. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1659 No I don't give a hoot - but I can sell you one. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1660 Blood pressure ok, pulse normal, but your body temperature is really high! 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1661 The good news is, there's an ointment for this. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1662 You have supplemental insurance, right? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1663 I'm going to prescribe an anti-inflammatory. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1664 It seems that your insurance won't cover it 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1665 We use this to burn the hemorrhoids off your tuches. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1666 These are your lungs on cigarettes. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1667 It's Trump's new plan to end Obamacare. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1668 Any history of pyromania in the family? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1669 I know we're supposed to go paperless but this is ridiculous. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1670 So you have chronic heartburn? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1671 About your blood alcohol level Mr. Smith. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1672 Worst case of heartburn in the I have ever seen. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1673 Well, we've got the answer to your burning questions. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1674 Remember when a doctor visit meant you received the diagnosis before the bill? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1675 I'm afraid the billing office has declined your request for a fee reduction. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1676 Time to cut down on the hot sauce. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1677 With you, we surely gotta watch for inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1678 No, only if you show signs of flare vision. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1679 Would you describe it as a burning sensation? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1680 As you can see, your hemorrhoids have not improved. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1681 Our practice uses the latest in Promethean technology to safeguard patients' medical records. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1682 Do you happen to be on ObamaCare? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1683 Looks like you've got inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1684 It is part of the revised version of the paperwork reduction act. There are still some bugs to work out but it insures your privacy! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1685 You're going to have to reduce your jalapeno intake. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1686 It's better this way. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1687 I'm afraid you have brimstones. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1688 No, your test is fine. I moonlight as a magician. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1689 Sure, I understand. A second opinion may be helpful. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1690 Your fever is quite contagious! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1691 Where there's fire, I see a smoker. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1692 You have something that deserves the very highest standard of confidentiality. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1693 You are what you are. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1694 New confidentiality rules. These reports self-destruct in 60 seconds. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1695 Your disease, should you choose to accept it... 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1696 Don't worry, our medical record firewall is now HIPAA compliant. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1697 I took an oath to do no harm. The way I see it I'll be breaking it twice if I hand you this bill. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1698 Have you heard of a shredder?? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1699 Your insurer says they decline coverage. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1700 It would be best if you never saw this list of Don'ts. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1701 Ever see this trick before? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1702 Second opinion? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1703 From what I can read, it says 'don't ever eat your wife's jalapeño nachos again.' 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1704 The Pyrokinesis is definitely back. Have you been reading Stephen King again? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1705 I didn't think the health care bill was going to LITERALLY self-destruct. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1706 Are you CIA? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1707 Sorry, but this won't change the diagnosis. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1708 This is the worst case of heart burn we've had on record! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1709 This type of flatulence requires an experimental treatment. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1710 It seems all your health issues are related to inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1711 Do you have any other form of insurance? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1712 Would you like a second opinion? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1713 Here is the answer to your burning question 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1714 Oops! I need to do another round of tests. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1715 I have some late-breaking news on your hemmorhoids. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1716 Amazing! It really is exploding. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1717 I just have one burning question. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1718 The good news is you can use your Health Savings Account 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1719 You seem to have an extreme case of hot flashes. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1720 Pay your bill or we put this back in. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1721 One of your inflammatory markers is elevated. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1722 I think we can rule out a cold 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1723 It all has to do with that law on not releasing patients information. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1724 They must have just repealed Obamacare! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1725 I have good news and bad news. The good news is we received your test results.... 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1726 Under the new healthcare plan, X-rays are not covered. Just stand close to the flame. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1727 The good news is you won't have to worry about how you'll pay your bill. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1728 Judging by the results of your tests, I can tell... you touched this piece of paper before I walked in the room. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1729 See what I did there? Smoking? Bad for you? No? 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1730 So, is the burning on urination or just when you fill out insurance? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1731 Reviewing your sexual history I can only recommend a condoms from now on. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1732 Don't be alarmed 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1733 'Your new and improved insurance compels me to demonstrate your odds of surviving this surgery given that post-op is no longer covered, nor is anesthesia, or well, nothing really but the incision.' 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1734 Your mother is right. You ARE the son of the Devil. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1735 Do you want the good news, first, or the bad news? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1736 Well, that would explain the burning sensation. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1737 After reviewing your chart, it could be heartburn but my guess is flaming hemorrhoids 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1738 Looks like your inflammation is becoming acute. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1739 It's acid reflux. And apparently contagious. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1740 The prognosis, although quite preliminary is a bit inflammatory. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1741 Apologies, but our malpractice insurance provider has requested that we burn all medical records immediately after use 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1742 The results are back and you're burning up 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1743 You don't need a second opinion, unless it's from a priest. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1744 This is the only change to Obamacare that Republicans could agree on. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1745 Which do you want first - the bad news or the really bad news? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1746 Results are not yet final but it appears to be some kind of inflammation. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1747 These test results do indeed, confirm your "burning sensation". 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1748 It's a HIPPA thing... 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1749 Feel the burn? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1750 Your test results confirm you have heartburn. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1751 Worse case of heartburn I've seen in a while. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1752 We take HIPAA very seriously. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1753 An anti-inflammatory should help with your numbers. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1754 The results indicate a flare up of your inflammatory bowel disease. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1755 Here are your lab results, you have heat stroke. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1756 Well, I have some good news and bad news. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1757 I agree with you, this administration has taken inflammatory language to a whole new level. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1758 Call me old school if you wish Dan. I still don't trust that darn delete key. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1759 Now don't be alarmed. Just make sure you pay in cash before leaving the office. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1760 That’s weird! I’m experiencing a burning sensation too! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1761 Our voodoo Doctor suggested this. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1762 Let me consult this copy of the American Health Care Act I pulled from the dumpster fire out back. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1763 This is our new encryption method. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1764 As of now, you have no pre-existing conditions. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1765 Are you firing me as your doctor? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1766 I am sorry! Our paper document system is on the fritz today. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1767 No, no... the REALLY bad news is quietly slipped under the door while you're tying your shoes. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1768 Gosh, they really are getting serious about the electronic health record implementation. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1769 Well, the good news is I can no longer give you the bad news. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1770 It's the worst case of acid indigestion that we've ever seen! 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1771 Highly contagious! Why do you ask? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1772 There are a few minor side effects.. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1773 Mr. Phelps, the test results show that you will self-destruct in 15 seconds. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1774 We don't anticipate any problems unless you want to get better. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1775 Your test results definitely show some inflammation. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1776 Now, about your hemorrhoids... 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1777 If I tell you I will have to kill you. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1778 Yes it's the new privacy protocol 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1779 Ordinarily this wouldn't look promising... 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1780 Looks like your lab test came back with its pants on fire. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1781 Not only are you transgender, but in menopause. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1782 I see you have a history of smoking. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1783 We're HIPPA compliant, but not OSHA. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1784 This is your lungs. This is smoking. This is your lungs when you smoke. Any questions? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1785 This is the new HIPAA firewall. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1786 No, these results suggest that the six-months-to-live thing is the least of your worries. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1787 Good news. No water retention. Come back For another visit if you want us to run some more tests. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1788 The Infertility Lab is returning your sperm sample, and they strongly recommend, you should never reproduce. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1789 Well your urine sample explains that burning sensation! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1790 As you can see, it's quite inflamed. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1791 What did you say about burning calories? 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1792 I think I found the cause of that burning sensation you described. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1793 I didn't want to catch what you've got. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1794 The report says 'in flames' but I think should read 'inflamed.' 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1795 Ooops! Obamacare was just repealed. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1796 My test shows you have the worst case of heartburn I've ever seen 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1797 Your tests are back. Apparently you have heartburn. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1798 That orgy must have been fantastic! 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1799 Was she hot? 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1800 Wow, the nurse wasn't kidding about that fever. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1801 I see your records show a history of inflammation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1802 It says your fever is running a little hot. 1.1786 0.10356 28 25 1 2
1803 Your urine test was really, really positive. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1804 It seems both your tests and the state of healthcare show signs of inflammation. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1805 You may feel a burning sensation. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1806 I really do appreciate all this internet research you did about your condition." 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1807 I'm afraid we have a burning issue. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1808 This is the worst case of inflammation I've ever seen. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1809 And how long have you been experiencing this burning sensation? 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1810 The test results of your afterlife screening may be cause for concern. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1811 Don't ask don't tell 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1812 I'm afraid you have a scorching case of herpes. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1813 Well, this explains that burning, itching sensation you described. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1814 Yes, your file clearly references that symptom. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1815 We've just started a burn unit here. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1816 Your heartburn has gotten worse. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1817 Don't look sad, the radiologist said you were hot! 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1818 It appears to be an out-of-pocket expense. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1819 Bottom line....I'd probably cancel that golf outing. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1820 Trust me, you don't wanna know. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1821 This is actually a good sign. For me. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1822 This is courtesy of Trump's new HIPPA regulations. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1823 I apologize, the "You're Fired" provision of Trumpcare just took effect. 1.1786 0.07371 28 23 5 0
1824 Unfortunately, your coverage has almost been extinguished. 1.1786 0.08988 28 24 3 1
1825 I tried to get her sooner but Trump-care was just approved by Congress. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1826 I think your jalapeño readings are a little high. 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1827 This chart shows the severity of your hemorrhoids. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1828 Sorry about this - shedder's still on the blink 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1829 Well, your HMO plan under the Affordable Care Act is spontaneously combusting, so my diagnosis is that Paul Ryan finally wrangled his House majority. 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1830 As we suspected, your hemorrhoids will need surgical intervention. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1831 Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover preexisting conflagrations, Mr. Hotchkiss. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1832 You've got to lighten up on the Thai food! 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1833 New HIPAA laws. Even I'm not allowed to see your test results. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1834 That's exactly how it feels! 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1835 Sorry, new HIPAA regulation. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1836 You say you go through 100 Viagra pills a week? 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1837 I'm not only a doctor, I'm also a writer. I'd like your opinion on this. It's called "Does It Hurt When I Do This." 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1838 I'm not an arsonist, but I play one on TV. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1839 Just a little heartburn. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1840 The tests confirm that you have heartburn. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1841 Your chart shows inflammation. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1842 It's so contagious, even the report must be sterilized. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1843 Your hip replacement paid off my mortgage 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1844 I'm not sure if your insurance will cover this 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1845 I warned you if I caught you cheating on your diet, I would burn your chart. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1846 We Have a new software to safeguard patient records from hackers. 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1847 About that drug combination you're on 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1848 The test results suggest inflammatory bowel syndrome. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1849 You're post terminal prognosis is even worse. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1850 I'm glad they didn't repeal Satancare. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1851 " Here is our Patient Privacy Policy". 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1852 Worst case of heartburn I've ever seen. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1853 You won't have time to call home. Shall we pray? 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1854 Didn't you listen to the part at the end of the commercial? 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1855 It's our new HIPPA privacy regulations. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1856 It burns me to tell you that your test results are not looking good. 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1857 This never happens, I swear. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1858 I saw this trick on Dr. Oz. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1859 What really worries me is that your health insurance plan doesn't cover fire. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1860 I think we double the dose of the anti-inflammatory. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1861 Mr. Nason, I think you need something stronger than the purple pill. 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1862 Trust me, I'm a witch doctor. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1863 We'll go over these results in detail, but for now I'm just going to summarize. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1864 This is just a temporary diagnosis. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1865 I doubt this is covered by your insurance! 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1866 Based on the results of your colonoscopy you might want to cool it on the Mexican food for a bit. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1867 We're going to get rid of that canker sore the old-fashioned way! 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1868 Yea. lay off the spicy food for a bit. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1869 Nothing to be embarrassed about, Mr. Torch. Just a little super power incontinence. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1870 Lowering your cholesterol may be an impossible mission, Mr. Phelps. 1.1724 0.10011 29 26 1 2
1871 Your lab results have literally burned up the charts. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1872 It's just the latest protocol from our HIPAA compliance office. 1.1724 0.07139 29 24 5 0
1873 I think we may have gotten to the bottom of that burning sensation... 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1874 Mr. Jones, your 3:00 A.M. habit of 4 alarm Chili needs some revision. 1.1724 0.08694 29 25 3 1
1875 New lungs test. See if you can blow it out in under 3 seconds. Go! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1876 Well this is a first 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1877 I'd like to refer you to the fire department. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1878 What the devil have you been up to? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1879 Your Obamacare reimbursement will be a little lighter: Zippo. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1880 I've also got a burning sensation! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1881 I believe we have a clear indication as to whether your test result exceeds the reference range! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1882 I'm burning the evidence so the germs don't know we are onto them. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1883 I can tell you've been smoking. Where there's smoke there is fire. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1884 Good luck, Mr. Phelps. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1885 It's the worst case of heartburn I've ever seen 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1886 Sir, i'm starting to believe you lied about the drug test. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1887 Something tells me heartburn. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1888 It's pretty clear your hemorrhoids have flared up - I think we can skip the exam. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1889 In my clinical opinion, you are just too hot to handle 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1890 It's some kind of inflammation. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1891 In accordance with HIPAA .... 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1892 You know, it usually isn't this hard to explain what a fever is. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1893 Bad news. The inflammation is getting quickly worse. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1894 You're going to look right at me and say you can't have pyrokinesis? Wait - no - don't look at me! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1895 It says here you have a fever to 451 Farenheit 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1896 Last chance to put your account online. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1897 Patient privacy is a priority here. Record keeping, not so much. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1898 You should probably get a second opinion 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1899 I think this calls for more than two aspirins. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1900 Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1901 I'm sorry to tell you, Mr. Smith, that spontaneous combustion is not covered by your insurance plan. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1902 You can't afford the prescriptions anyway. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1903 My Rx is "apply heat" 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1904 Sorry, but the new shredder is still on back-order 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1905 Here are your lab results. Would you mind leaving by the back door? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1906 You have no health insurance? Funny how some patient charts have no fire insurance. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1907 Just as I told you. Way too much alcohol in your system. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1908 Clark, we really must work on controlling your heat vision. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1909 Your insurance company hell no. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1910 I decided you could burn some calories. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1911 From the looks of things, you must be very uncomfortable! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1912 Does it happen only with the bills you should pay? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1913 When I give you these results, you WILL feel a burning sensation. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1914 Let's just pretend the biopsy was negative! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1915 Take these as ordered. You might experience a little burning sensation. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1916 Let's just say we won't be needing this anymore. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1917 Some inflammation is normal. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1918 Now watch when we take into account your "good" cholesterol. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1919 Good luck with your upcoming operation Mr. Phelps. Your test results have self-destructed. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1920 Obamacare is gone. Lab results are self-destructing. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
1921 When you accepted your healthcare plan, Jim, it self-destructed in five seconds. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1922 Heartburn doesn't even begin to describe your diagnosis. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1923 I've not seen these kind of hot flashes before. Let's hope the anti-inflammatories do the trick. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1924 Let's just say, your temperature is quite high. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1925 I see you’re experiencing some inflammation. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1926 Your heart-burn seams to be spreading. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1927 This is your healthcare plan on Trump. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1928 And when did you realize you HAD his special talent? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1929 I recommend the Inflammation Diet. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1930 What can I say, man, you are on FIRE!!! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1931 I'm just making a few recommended edits to the Patients Bill of Rights under the terms of the new Republican-sponsored health care plan. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1932 According to the CAT scan, that burning sensation in your stomach is an actual fire. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1933 Your chart indicates you have a fever. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1934 Your diagnosis, Mr. Phelps. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1935 Sorry, your heartburn is terminal 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1936 I hope this isn't catching. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1937 I'll be honest, it's not good news. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1938 What preexisting conditions? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1939 I have your test results. You're flaming. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1940 It’s inflamed. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1941 Hipaa has really cracked down these days. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1942 For your sake, I really hope you're not allergic to penicillin. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1943 From now on, you can use any bathroom you want. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1944 Ever since we switched from paper to EMR, this keeps happening to our files. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1945 I knew I should've read the manual for the 3D printer! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1946 Let's try that again...stick your tongue out and say aaah!!! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1947 It's the inflammation that concerns me. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1948 Hemmorhoids. You've got hemmorhoids 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1949 Sorry, our file clerk used to work at Samsung. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
1950 Don't worry, it's standard practice after your first law suit. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1951 I think you should avoid eating all hot and spicy foods. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1952 Mr. Angel, I'm sorry to report that things are presenting in a downward spiral. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1953 Mr Hughes, unfortunately your belief in creationism angers our god of science. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
1954 This is more than another flare-up. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1955 Looks like it's a hot attack. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
1956 Our practice is going paperless. In fact we don't keep track of anything. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1957 Breath mint? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1958 Don't worry, under the new health care plan it's like this visit never happened." 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1959 I'm afraid you're suffering from some sever inflammation.... 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1960 Your prexisting condition is protected. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1961 The results confirm 'male menopause'--you had a hot attack! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1962 Heartburn! Yes, my diagnoses have been on fire recently. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1963 New patient privacy rules allow me to only read this to you once. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1964 Well, I think we can rule out pneumonia. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1965 You test positive for spontaneous combustion. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1966 See? Another reason to quit smoking. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1967 I'm afraid I have some bad news... 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1968 We take HIPAA seriously. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1969 Apparently global warming is contagious and you've caught it. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1970 The lab report indicates that your acid reflux problems are excessively out of control. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1971 Sorry, your health care insurance just went up in flames. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1972 Sorry, you have too many red flags. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1973 So, quickly, tell me your chief complaint..... 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1974 Oy Vey! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1975 Don't worry. It's not contagious. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1976 I got your test results hot off the presses. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1977 Nice trick, Clark, but that doesn't change your cholesterol level. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1978 Burn after reading 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1979 Your test results show you have hemorrhoids. Yes, definitely inflamed hemorrhoids. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1980 I have a license to grill. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1981 I don't want to blame it all on Obamacare, but, you know. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1982 Sorry, new privacy rules. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1983 It looks like nothing more than a bad case of chart burn. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1984 This explains your heartburn 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1985 Now no one will ever know about your ED, Mr. President. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1986 About that burning sensation you're experiencing. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1987 Yes, you're a dragon Walter. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1988 According to the report, your inflammation is spreading 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1989 Temperature a bit high. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1990 It's part of our push to ensure HIPAA compliance. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1991 I have only one burning question. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1992 Yep. Heartburn. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1993 A study showed it encourages greater patient change. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1994 We're going paperless. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1995 This new privacy protocol is a nuisance. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1996 The inflammation has gotten a lot worse! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
1997 It's just smoke and mirrors 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
1998 Well, your lab results are back. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
1999 You can't make your co pay go away by magic . 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2000 Perhaps me setting fire to this file will distract from how bad I am at nose jobs. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2001 The results indicate that your burning sensation may be contagious. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2002 The long-lasting pain relief of Xanaflex compels you! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2003 GERD indeed 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2004 OK now, watch what happens when the flames reach my fingers. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2005 This must be the repeal phase. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2006 Good morning, Mr. Phelps. Your therapy, should you choose to accept it... 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2007 I can assure you it's quite common among men with tiny hands. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2008 Nihilistic Medicine 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2009 This is your burning question? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2010 It's nothing personal, I tell all my patients to stop smoking. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2011 You're running a bit of a fever. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2012 It's as close as I can get to a diagnosis 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2013 I have some concerns about your test results 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2014 I think we can rule out pyrophobia. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2015 I'm getting concerned about these flare-ups of yours. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2016 I see you have been having some inflammatory problems. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2017 I'll need to retake your temperature. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2018 You may feel a burning sensation when you pay. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2019 No need to be so graphic in the questions about your sex life. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2020 You shouldn't have said 'to hell with Obamacare'. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2021 Sorry, our copier's a Samsung. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2022 It's the new HIPAA version of SnapChat 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2023 Well, I can't say for sure what it is, but it's enflamed. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2024 Definitely looks like heartburn. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2025 This may burn a bit! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2026 Make sure you take this with water 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2027 Did you experience a burning sensation? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2028 Your ulcers are really inflamed! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2029 Sir, you know burning this won't change the results. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2030 You're lucky you came to Mt. Sinai. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2031 Your records keep self destructing....have you been exposed to any politicians lately? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2032 Yes, I'm afraid it is what your thinking. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2033 These results sound like your wife. You are going to burn in Hell! 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2034 I see you have a history of inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2035 Your inflammation is worse than I thought. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2036 Well, its just a slight bit of inflammation, you see. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2037 I better make this quick. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2038 You should only come in if it feels like this. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2039 Exactly when did these hot flashes begin? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2040 I see no evidence of medical malpractice in my management of your care. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2041 Oh, I forgot about the new pop-up lab results we are field testing, and no, that is not good. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2042 I'd like to get a second opinion. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2043 We have a new prostate procedure... Just kidding! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2044 Well, first, we have to do something about your fever 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2045 I have a written apology regarding our misdiag- Oh, what now?! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2046 There is nothing wrong with your sperm count. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2047 Your condition seems to have gone all to hell. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2048 Yes, usually the cure IS worse than the illness. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2049 Looks like we both have some unexplained inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2050 The results of your tests are way too hot for me to handle. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2051 We're taking Fajita Fridays to the next level. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2052 I found the cause of your burning sensation 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2053 The new HIPAA regulations are very tough. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2054 Heartburn is not supposed to be contagious 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2055 I'm less than thrilled with our new electronic health record system 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2056 My only guess is you shouldn't have mentioned single payer universal healthcare insurance. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2057 Bad news, it's inflamed. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2058 Obviously, you need to fight inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2059 You were right...its an itching and burning sensation 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2060 Our shredder is broken... 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2061 And finally, your copay 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2062 It appears that you have an inflammation of some sort. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2063 Can you describe the burning sensation I'm feeling? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2064 According to this, you suffer from severe conflagration. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2065 I've got your test results back, Mr. Hunt. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2066 Just complying with the latest HIPAA regulations. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2067 Good news ... we've decided not to worry you. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2068 So do you feel the burning sensation now? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2069 I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, but you have reached your insurance cap. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2070 Tests confirm your report of a burning sensation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2071 You're going to have to cut back on the Mexican food. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2072 Just as I thought: you have paperburn. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2073 You have Chartburn. Much worse than heartburn. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2074 Would you describe it as a burning sensation? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2075 "You have a serious case of flameatosis and it appears to be spreading rapidly". 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2076 Let's just say the diagnosis was specious and the patient showed no trauma as it was brought to light. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2077 I am sorry I have to leave now, but fortunately our burn unit is open until 7. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2078 This is for not paying the deductible. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2079 Bad news -- under Trumpcare your health plan is kaput, but the good news is your cholesterol numbers are on fire! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2080 You want a second opinion. Take the ash to a seer. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2081 Good news Mr. Phillips. We got the fire out of your belly. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2082 The Burning Bush says you have locusts. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2083 I hardly know where to begin. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2084 Your prescription, should you choose to accept it. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2085 Your metabolism is not the problem, it's your diet. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2086 Blow. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2087 The TrumpCare plan prohibits patients from seeing test results which may terrify them into seeking additional medical care. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2088 Your tests reveal that you have been eating too many New Mexican chili peppers. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2089 The question is, are they going to name this after your or after me? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2090 You have...(Burn baby burn) Disco Inferno! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2091 You've heard of a 'clean bill of health,' well, it's the opposite of that. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2092 I have your test results. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2093 The good news is that your kidney function is limiting the flames. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2094 Like I said, it was only heartburn. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2095 Nothing serious, just slight inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2096 Your results are under heated debate. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2097 So mich for your bill! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2098 When your doctor pulls out your medical records. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2099 See? No one will see your medical history here. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2100 No doubt about it, I'm afraid, Mr. DePuy. It's inflammatory bowel disease. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2101 I'd like to revisit your response about "frequent" exercise. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2102 This way your hazard insurance should cover the visit. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2103 Not to worry. It's only a temporary condition. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2104 We're still trying to figure out SpicerCare. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2105 Diagnosis: inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2106 I told you it's a diagnosis from hell. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2107 This diagnosis will self-destruct in 5 seconds. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2108 Mr. Wood, you seem to have a full blown case of as burning love. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2109 We might need to adjust your anti-inflammatory prescription. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2110 There is a bright side to all this, but it's even hotter. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2111 I’m sorry, but your health plan doesn’t cover lab reports. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2112 Is your Hippa burnin'? 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2113 Does it burn when you hold this? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2114 I'm afraid your results aren't so hot 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2115 It's highly unusual for males to have hot flashes. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2116 You have Trumpitis. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2117 On the good side, it's a very rare condition. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2118 The good news is that I don't have much time. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2119 Not to worry, it's just a HIPPA requirement. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2120 I'm sorry sir, but you appear to have a serious case of inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2121 Have you traveled to Mar-a-Lago recently? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2122 Your labs look great, but there appears to be some residual inflammation 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2123 Well, the good news is ... it's just a minor flare-up. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2124 I'll take that urine sample immediately, if you don't mind. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2125 THIS is what happens if you cant afford the co-pay! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2126 Uh, your lab report confirms that it's a flaming case... 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2127 What privacy issues? 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2128 When you got fired, so did your health plan! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2129 Wow -- never seen someone's health insurance literally go up in flames! 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2130 Well, Pete, you are literally burning up. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2131 Hmm, you do have a fever after all. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2132 I'm afraid you have some inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2133 Your health insurance has set the 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2134 The burning sensation is not normal. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2135 I'm afraid your insurance coverage has spontaneously combusted. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2136 Your lab results give a whole new meaning to "does it tinkle when you pee" 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2137 Thanks Doc, now what's the bad news? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2138 Your fecal occult blood test is concerning. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2139 Well, I did tell you there was a chance this would flare up again. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2140 I see that you checked 'fever' on your intake form. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2141 "Don't look so down. These test results should fire you up. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2142 Well, at the very least, you've also burnt some calories. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2143 This is your prognosis. Are you a religious man? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2144 Sorry, wrong prescription. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2145 You never can be too safe 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2146 Ok, Bruce, if you don't stop eating that chipotle sauce, this is what your g.i. tract will feel like. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2147 You need to cut down on the spicy food. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2148 Hello, Bill, about your bill. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2149 Obamacare Light 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2150 Drink this -- it will settle your stomach. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2151 Cursed magic! I said 'I'll send you to home' not 'incendio tome'. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2152 A 'burning sensation,' you say? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2153 Your blood test results indicate inflammation may be an issue. 1.1600 0.11075 25 23 0 2
2154 It's a new HIPAA requirement. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2155 We put confidentiality ahead of sound medicine. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2156 So under the Republican plan we just burn everything down. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2157 We guarantee confidentiality. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2158 Yes, it is contagious. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2159 This usually will clear large noses. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2160 After consulting with my colleagues, we all agree that your prognosis is highly volatile. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2161 So tell me more about this burning sensation you've been having. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2162 About that heartburn you've been ignoring..... 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2163 I wouldn't read too into this. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2164 Don't be alarmed. This is Trump's HIPAA. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2165 It's just a bit of inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2166 No need to worry, it's just a little inflamed. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2167 We take HIPAA very seriously here. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2168 Are you a smoker? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2169 your treatment plan will self-destruct in 30 seconds. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2170 Looks like you're running a fever. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2171 It's part of our stop smoking campaign. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2172 I'm a little concerned about your chart. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2173 I'm going to have to ask you to cut back on the habaneros. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2174 Let's wait and see what happens. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2175 The results suggest you are dehydrated. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2176 Talk about inflammation. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2177 Sorry but until the new health plan is established, I think we should destroy the findings. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2178 And, do you feel a burning sensation? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2179 Disco Fever is still a thing? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2180 Your condition shows a serious inflammation. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2181 Brace yourself...It's hemorrhoids. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2182 I said I wasn't infallible, not inflammable. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2183 I see you've made a pact with medical insurance. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2184 Man! Do you have hemoroids! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2185 It means your health is in flames. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2186 Cut down on the burritos. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2187 Oops, I must need a breath mint 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2188 Have you ever smoked? 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2189 Hmmm, unfortunately, the diagnosis is stage IV liar, liar, pants on fire. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2190 Your diagnosis will self-destruct in 10 seconds. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2191 Oh, we are experimenting with mindful consultation. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2192 You're hot-blooded, check it and see. You've got a fever of one-hundred and three! 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2193 Some people view our new protocols as incendiary. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2194 It says that your temperature is a bit high. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2195 What do you say we pretend your bloodwork never happened? 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2196 The test confirms it. You suffer from incurable burning desire. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2197 Please don't open your mouth again until we can diagnose your condition. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2198 You might feel a slight burning sensation 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2199 More carotene, less kerosene. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2200 I guess this was the untruth diagnosis. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2201 Inflammation, off the charts! 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2202 Your lab findings suggest that you may have a touch of Spontaneous Combustion Syndrome. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2203 Look, what's done is done... and besides, you have no insurance. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2204 There's something odd about this urine sample, Mr Jones. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2205 I revolutionize patient care by combining state-of-the-art western medicine and ancient Chinese gunpowder 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2206 Unfortunately, the test shows you're positive for a very bad case of spontaneous combustion 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2207 The cause of the inflammation is too many General Tsao's spicey chicken dinners. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2208 Let's just say the prognosis isn't good. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2209 Looks like it's more contagious than we thought. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2210 And I'd cut back on the spicy food. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2211 looks like your temperature is slightly elevated 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2212 Yes, your temperature is high... 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2213 Your x-ray was a shade overexposed. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2214 Got your hemorrhoid test back. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2215 Sorry, I've got a slight fever. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2216 The good news is you don't have cancer. The bad news is this Ketamine is kicking in much sooner than I had anticipated. 1.1600 0.09452 25 22 2 1
2217 The new Prince of Darkness Healthcare Plan doesn't cover illness caused by life. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2218 Feel free to get a second opinion. 1.1600 0.07483 25 21 4 0
2219 You have a bad case of shingles...even your diagnosis is burning. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2220 It says here you have a temperature of fahrenheit 451. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2221 I'm sorry, this darn Samsung Galaxy Patient Chart is acting up again. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2222 My witch doctor colleague recommends this cure. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2223 Your results are in. Worst case of heartburn, ever! 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2224 I am pretty sure spontaneous combustion isn't covered by your insurance 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2225 Under the circumstances, we'd like you to pay first. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2226 Or would you prefer the good news first? 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2227 Yes, I would say you're contagious 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2228 You think I need your chart to diagnose chlamydia? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2229 Before I read this, please remember this is only one doctor's opinion. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2230 But you don't have any symptoms? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2231 Yes, it's fatal, and I think Satan wants you 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2232 They won't give up on Obamacare. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2233 Yep, it's hemmerhoids. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2234 We take HIPAA very seriously. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2235 Yes, I'd say the inflamation has definitely spread. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2236 I've found many patients won't begin eating healthier until there's a fire under their butt. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2237 I recommend you lay off the chili peppers. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2238 How'd you know it was heartburn? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2239 Your answer 'two drinks per week' is a lie. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2240 Hmmm.... I'm not sure you want to see the results. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2241 Apparently, Mr. Hunt, your health report will self-destruct in five seconds. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2242 I'm sorry -- I'll give you these results in 2 secs -- what did you say about not making a co-payment? 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2243 We don't have a lot of time left, so... 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2244 HIPPA rules prevent me from sharing your test results with you. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2245 It's one of the downsides of Trumpcare. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2246 Your condition is most inflammatory. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2247 Your heartburn's back, Jim, at least it looks that way on paper. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2248 Your policy doesn't cover it anyway. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2249 I'm sorry but I am prohibited from telling you the truth about your diagnosis due to potential liability concerns. Consider this a metaphor for the "C" word. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2250 We'd better call Jake, from State Farm. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2251 The devil's in the detail 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2252 Any questions, Mr.Phelps? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2253 Test results on your heartburn. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2254 Frankly, your test results were not exactly what we were hoping for. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2255 I'm sorry.The office is going paperless. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2256 The preauthorization went about as well as expected. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2257 I see no cause for concern, it's just a little inflammation. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2258 My apologies, my assistant has a strange sense of humor. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2259 Two to one odds your chart outlasts you. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2260 You worked for the Clintons? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2261 Take two aspirin and call the fire department 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2262 I don't think changing providers is an option 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2263 I'm afraid you've got some pretty bad heartburn. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2264 Don't worry about your health insurance, you no more have precondition 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2265 Take this but don't call me unless it works. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2266 Your oxygen is great, but you do have a temperature. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2267 Many patients experience a burning sensation when reviewing the American Health Care Act. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2268 Just a guess, but I'd say your fever is about 451° 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2269 There's bad news and worse news. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2270 I am complying with your wish to not share your medical records. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2271 It's a new mandate to safeguard health information. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2272 Oh, for Pete's sake! 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2273 It's a form of inflammation. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2274 The test results suggest your tonsils are inflamed. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2275 I'm afraid your test results are highly inflammitory. . . 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2276 I'll just go ahead and add pyrokinesis to the list of side effects. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2277 It says you have burning indigestion. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2278 It's a prescription for the purple pill. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2279 It appears your symptoms are flaring up again. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2280 Our patient privacy policy has been tightened . 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2281 Sorry, your health care coverage just went up in smoke! 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2282 Try water, it's over the counter. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2283 Your book's appendix was inflamed so I had to remove it. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2284 You know that I would be a liar, if was to say to you, your bills just couldn't get much higher, so then Doc I'll light my fire. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2285 In view of the fact that you have no money, we'll just burn your XRAYS and pretend you are ok. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2286 It appears that your diet is adding fuel to the fire. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2287 Looks like you have a slight fever. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2288 I'm going to recommend cold medicine 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2289 No heart attack. But your heartburn's on fire! 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2290 Stop, drop, roll and drink plenty of fluids. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2291 Not to worry, what you don't know can't kill you. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2292 It seems that your inflammatory symptoms are contagious, sir. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2293 Looks like you have some inflammation. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2294 Your gastrointestinal inflammation has apparently taken a turn to inflammatory. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2295 Sorry I had diablo sauce for lunch. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2296 You should cut down on the Thai food. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2297 I'd classify this as a third-degree bill. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2298 Well your drug test came back and ... I think it's safe to say you most definitely were lit. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2299 This diagnosis will self-destruct in five seconds. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2300 HIPAA compliance! 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2301 The results of your arson-ectomy aren't encouraging. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2302 According to your test results the devil is the cause of your diverticulitis. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2303 Looks like inflammation to me. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2304 We've found out what's causing that burning sensation. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2305 Tests results came back. You have hot flashes. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2306 Looks like your insurance won't authorize that test. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2307 Finally, I wave my hands and count to three. You have mono. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2308 I suppose it wouldn't technically be a lie if I told your wife the results were "inconclusive"... 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2309 Well Mr. Wheeler, your test results came back, and I'm afraid I've got some bad news. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2310 Mr. Kent burning the bill with your x-ray vision doesn't make it go away 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2311 Would you by any chance mind redoing your colonoscopy? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2312 How long have you been smoking? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2313 Congress changed your coverage rules again. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2314 Your insurer denied coverage in no uncertain terms. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2315 Is there anything else you'd like to tell me? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2316 Obamacare was just abolished. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2317 See, your daughter's nose, chin, and lipo jobs, alone, burned my mortgage. I feel guilty charging you for this. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2318 To get your medical records, you will have to sign this release-of-information form. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2319 Your heartburn seems to be getting worse. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2320 Please tell me that is the bill. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2321 Your cholesterol is fine...but it appears your combustibles are very high 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2322 Your prognosis doesn't look good. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2323 Well, I can see how this pyrokinesis can be a problem for you, sir. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2324 You'll get results in six to eight weeks but there are some early warning signs. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2325 The good news is I now have no bad news to give you. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2326 The report says it's a severe case of heartburn. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2327 You still want to maintain my pyrokinesis is psychosomatic? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2328 You mentioned you had sex with an old flame. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2329 Stanley, we've got back the results of the results of your hemorrhoid biopsy. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2330 After we lost internet privacy, this is the new firewall for medical records. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2331 Yes, I am familiar with the research but you really need to rethink the size of your capsaicin patch. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2332 Looks like too much hot sauce on your Pad Thai. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2333 Your chart is alarming 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2334 HIPAA doesn't allow me to keep paper records. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2335 You definitely need to take this with a full glass of water. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2336 Sorry, these new patient confidentiality rules still need some tweaking. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2337 This may singe. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2338 I want you to ease off on the high metabolism diet. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2339 Can't wait to see "replace"! 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2340 The nurse said your temperature seemed a little high. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2341 I recommended a stronger anti-inflammatory. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2342 This is a bad omen, Jerry; do you have an advance directive? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2343 You are healthy again, I am burning your medical records! 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2344 I'm guessing that "replace" won't be nearly as dramatic as "repeal." 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2345 We really need to bring your fever down. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2346 Please urgently help me put out this fire. I am going to get into trouble if the fire alarm goes off. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2347 I think we need to cut back on your fiber. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2348 My staff really, really wants me to go paperless. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2349 Possible side effects include a burning sensation. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2350 We found what's been causing your heartburn. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2351 The smoke on your previous tests were,obviously, quite accurate. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2352 It's part of managements new efficiency drive to see more patients. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2353 Hell of a chart you've got here. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2354 We have noted a slight inflamation. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2355 Good thing you're sitting down, Mr. Morningstar. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2356 Does this LOOK like a benign diagnosis? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2357 I like to think of myself as the Jimi Hendrix of medicine. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2358 You're covered under the Affordable Char Act 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2359 As your doctor I recommend against carrying an old flame. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2360 You may not be burning in hell, but your lab results are. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2361 You have to cut out the Carolina Reapers. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2362 We're doing a trial run of the Libertarian replacement plan for the ACA. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2363 Maybe radiation from the sun? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2364 Are you experiencing a burning sensation? 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2365 Your records appear to indicate some inflammation. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2366 I see your coverage has spontaneously cumbusted, but my assistant will be happy to work out a payment plan for you. 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2367 It seems your test results are classified. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2368 I have your results, but under Trumpcare I'm required to burn them. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2369 Looks like possession to me. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2370 I'm sorry. The test is definite for "emission impossible". 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2371 This pharm is on fire! 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2372 You may have contracted this in 2016 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2373 These new HIPAA privacy regulations are getting out of control. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2374 Your lab tests show a high level of inflammation. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2375 Nice try Mr. We are still able to bill you. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2376 Consumption. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2377 We take confidentiality very seriously 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2378 The Flammable Care Act. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2379 i'm afraid it's not just heartburn. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2380 Are you sure that nothing has changed in your diet? 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2381 I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. This contract was signed in your blood. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2382 Wow! Nobody knew how complex health care is! Wow - Nobody knew how complex health care is! 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2383 It appears your insurance company has decided not to pre certify your knee surgery 1.1538 0.10659 26 24 0 2
2384 Sure, it's not all good news . . . 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2385 Soooooo...apparently that conference after party you attended was lit. 1.1538 0.07216 26 22 4 0
2386 Well...Somethings inflamed that's for sure. 1.1538 0.09102 26 23 2 1
2387 I'm sorry, but your insurance doesn't cover heat vision. 1.1481 0.08777 27 24 2 1
2388 Okay. but getting rid of today's test results won't change the fact that it is still a pre-existing condition. 1.1481 0.08777 27 24 2 1
2389 It says you have Inflammatory Vowel Disease 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2390 It's true -- your eyes shoot deadly laser beams. On the upside, you have 20/20 vision. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2391 I ordered X-rays, not X-ray eyes. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2392 THE REPORT IS BOTH FLAMMABLE AND INFLAMMABLE. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2393 Spontaneous combustion. It's a new HIPPA protocol. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2394 As a control I had the lab test your blood for demonic possession. You'll be happy to know you don't have any STD's. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2395 Burning news on the results! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2396 You really need to cut out spicy foods! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2397 Please let me read you the results, and if time permits I'll take questions. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2398 We need to add more phosphate to your diet. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2399 It's not such bad news. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2400 You're running a fever. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2401 You're going to Hell 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2402 It's time we reconsider the standing desk. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2403 Yes, I suppose it is better than self-immolation. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2404 Sorry. Obamacare was just repealed. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2405 Your test results are in, Mr. Butterworth, and I'm afraid they're not good. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2406 I've got good news and bad news. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2407 When did you start eating Mexican food? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2408 I think the referral is being denied. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2409 Your angst is now considered a pre-existing condition!" "Nope, no coverage for anything less than death! 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2410 I burn your file, which means one less malpractice suit, and then your insurance rates go down. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2411 Your diagnosis is you got a hunk-a hunk-a burning love 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2412 So you think I'm a better pyrotechnician? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2413 I have your test results here in my hot little hands. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2414 Blow it out and make a wish—you won't be having a birthday this year. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2415 Test results definitely suggest hemmorhoids. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2416 I recommend you lay off spicy foods for six months and drink lots of water. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2417 ?????????????? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2418 Now that you've seen your test results, privacy laws require me to destroy them. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2419 Bad day to give up drinking. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2420 Here's a prescription for Lucifrex. Side effects may include… 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2421 And this is only step 3 of their effort to force us to switch to online patient records. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2422 Your blood pressure is a little high. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2423 Its official your going to Hell. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2424 Well, Mr. Donahue, it looks like you have an advanced case of COE (cocktail-olive eyes). And it's contagious. Not sure what these flames or leaves or tentacles are emanating from your report, but that's neither here nor there. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2425 Your tests indicate a self destructive lifestyle. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2426 So, your results are less positive than we weee hoping for... 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2427 Trust me, the bill will be worse. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2428 Your temperature is high, Mr. Bradbury. Fahrenheit 451. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2429 Well, we got a clear result back. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2430 We forgot to pay the heating bill. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2431 Well, clearly it's severe heartburn! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2432 Now I understand why you have that burning feeling in your stomach! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2433 Heartburn 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2434 It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2435 You have a case of spontaneous combustion. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2436 Your insurance doesn't cover pre-existing conditions. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2437 Let me get this sraaight. You signed a contract with a guy with pointy ears and a pitchfork .? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2438 This is fine. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2439 This is all that TrumpCare would allow. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2440 I see you've been busy since your last check-up. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2441 Your scoville levels are off the charts. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2442 HIPAA compliance is going to be hell when we switch to electronic records. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2443 Nothing to be embarrassed about, Mr. Torch. Just a little super power incontinence. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2444 Your HIV test came back positive, eveything's great again. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2445 A nasty computer virus has infected your test results, and you are not insured. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2446 ...and this is your gut on pizza. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2447 Say "ooooohhhh" 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2448 The lab report is remarkable for inflammatory parameters. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2449 This is from your health care provider -- they're denying coverage. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2450 According to our records you're running a very high fever. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2451 Relax; it's just a letter from my wife's lawyer." 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2452 Your dietary plan is going up in smoke. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2453 A second opinion? No, I'm reasonably sure it's heartburn. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2454 First, I'll start with what the Internet told you was wrong. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2455 OK, but tell me what you really think. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2456 I'm afraid you have inflammatory vowel disease. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2457 Not a suitable diagnosis for the updated insurance coverage. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2458 And I thought your tendonitis was inflamed. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2459 I'm trying to develop a warmer bedside manner. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2460 Our handling of your data is robust against post-processing and adaptive composition. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2461 I'm sorry about your results, but this is President Trump's way of repealing the Affordable Care Act. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2462 Your esophageal pH monitor results are in... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2463 Ahh, I see you have a deal with the devil. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2464 According to the chart, your temperature is extremely high. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2465 Yes, we take medical record privacy quite seriously. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2466 The good news is we won't have to do an MRI. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2467 We got the results back on your mixtape. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2468 Let's go with a bland diet. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2469 Is this what your hemorrhoids feel like? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2470 I'm sorry mister Vey, it seems health insurance is allergic to you. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2471 My handwriting was too legible. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2472 Well, Mr. Carver, given those symptoms it might very well be contagious. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2473 WOW!! This is a really super-hot diagnosis!! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2474 This is how I make my handwriting even more illegible. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2475 Now we'll feed the fever. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2476 I'm sorry but your HMO has just notified me to extinguish your policy. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2477 I'm afraid your condition in no longer considered "smoldering". 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2478 Will you be needing to see me again? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2479 Your inflammation may be contagious. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2480 Well, we were warned that medical records were becoming an increasingly hot topic. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2481 I'm thinking maybe a new statin. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2482 Your lab results are somewhat alarming. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2483 The good news is that I know what's wrong with you. The bad news is that I no longer take your insurance. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2484 your insurance doesn't cover pulmonary testing equipment- see if you can blow this out 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2485 Well, your inflammation test results are a little alarming. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2486 I'm duty-bound to warn you that this bill may cause a burning sensation, heart palpitations, and dry mouth. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2487 Do you feel a burning sensation? Because I do. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2488 Hugh Hefner would be jealous. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2489 Samsung should really recall these clipboards. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2490 Your testosterone numbers are off the chart. NOTE: I SUBMITTED THIS EARLIER UNDER MY OWN NAME (DAVE EITEL) BY MISTAKE. THIS CAPTION IS BY MIKE HEALY (INFO BELOW) PLEASE DISREGARD MY ERRONEOUS ENTRY. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2491 Unfortunately it's more than just heartburn. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2492 This urine sample looks like a new STD. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2493 As you see, we preserve your privacy. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2494 I'm afraid your condition will require a stronger anti-inflammatory medication. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2495 This is your prescription should you choose to accept it. As always, if it causes your death we will deny any knowledge of your actions. This paper will self-destruct in - whoops, too late. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2496 Mr. Jones, you have the worst case of heartburn I have EVER seen! 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2497 Your test results indicate that you are at risk of spontaneous combustion. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2498 No, '-itis' means inflammation, not '-osis'. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2499 These results suggest it's a little worse than a cold. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2500 We take HIPPA seriously in our office. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2501 Then you say the fire incantation and you'll be fine! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2502 Well look at that, Mr. Ryan! Healthcare really is exploding. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2503 I'm sorry sir, your policy doesn't cover storage of your medical record and I wouldn't want it to get into the wrong hands. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2504 The polyps are the least of it. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2505 It's your blood pressure: 200/100. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2506 I may feel a burning sensation, but nothing to be concerned about. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2507 I'd like to see your inflammation numbers come down a bit, Mr. Henderson. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2508 Apparently, we don't take your insurance... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2509 I think you should cut back on the spicy food. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2510 Your health care has been repealed. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2511 Well Mr. Johnson, let's just say your heartburn results are off the charts! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2512 Well I'm feeling a burning sensation. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2513 Your lab results are fine. These are your insurance forms. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2514 Why, yes Mr. Hunt. Your lab results always self-destruct within five seconds. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2515 Your heartburn is obviously contagious. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2516 Oops! I guess I'll give you another six months. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2517 Good morning Mr. Phelps. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to restore Obamacare. This message will self-destruct in five seconds." 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2518 No worries, I have experience in stop, drop, and rolling paper 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2519 You don't want to see the results, believe me. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2520 This is necessary to claim Medicare benefits. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2521 Test results fresh out the oven. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2522 It burns when I pee. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2523 This way we'll both get a fresh start. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2524 Your test results indicate heartburn. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2525 Trump's HIPPA. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2526 You're hot-blooded...check it and see. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2527 It's the new low tech Note from Samsung. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2528 There's a bit of good news in these results, Mr. Smith. You won't be needing a follow-up appointment. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2529 Your records indicate you're a hot mess. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2530 It's your Obama Care . . . self-destructing . . . . 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2531 Your insurance coverage is a little toasty. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2532 Your previous doctor noted a burning sensation. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2533 Some hot issues in your new policy here. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2534 Okay, setting your lab results on fire won't make them go away, 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2535 Bad news or good news first? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2536 I'm afraid you're evil. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2537 Your acid reflux is flaring up again. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2538 It's a prescription for Antacids. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2539 ... and in accordance with medical privacy laws, these test results will self-destruct in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2540 I'd like to run some more tests on your mental telepathy. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2541 Tell me again for how long you've felt feverish. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2542 All signs point to heartburn. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2543 As a medical student, I can see that your chart is on fire...but I'm just not sure what that means. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2544 They say what you don't know can't kill you. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2545 Our records indicate you have Obamacare. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2546 Now I'll test your reflexes. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2547 Your charts indicate that you received a fuel injection. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2548 HIPAA schmipaa! We prefer our old-fashioned methods of ensuring our patients' confidentiality. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2549 You're right...you've got a fever hot enough to set paper on fire. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2550 After this butns we can move on to the prostate exam. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2551 Well, your insurance wasn't going to cover it anyway. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2552 Mr. Miller, Your test results indicate that you're a possible candidate for spontaneous human combustion. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2553 Setting fire to your diagnosis doesn't make it go away, you know. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2554 I am now required to ensure you have complete freedom to make your own healthcare decisions 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2555 Your test result was lit. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2556 Sorry, when the inflammation has spread this far, there's little I can do. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2557 These results are too hot for me, here's a specialist you should see. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2558 "Trust me. Your insurance reimbursement never happened. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2559 Guess who has gonorrhea ? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2560 I thought these were your pants 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2561 This is the last paternity test I am going to burn for you. After this you're on your own. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2562 The good new is it's an outflamation 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2563 Your temperature is completely off the chart! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2564 I told you there'd be hell to pay. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2565 Yes, when your blood pressure number becomes flammable, it is an indication of a cause for concern. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2566 ...and the disease will consume your body, just as the fire consumes this piece of paper. But you needn't worry --- I have plenty of paper. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2567 I don't want to jump to conclusions but, well, when you add matches to tinder... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2568 I still don't think it's inflammation. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2569 I'm uploading your file to the cloud. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2570 But I doubt you want to hear the good news anyway. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2571 Your fine, but I'm afraid your health insurance isn't. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2572 You're going to die and then go to hell. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2573 We're transitioning to pyrotechnic medical records. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2574 This may be a bit uncomfortable. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2575 Henry, the lab work indicates your heartburn is pretty severe. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2576 Your heartburn is much worse than I thought. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2577 Maybe you should get a second opinion. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2578 Your biopsy is fine, but there's a problem with your insurance. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2579 Bad news or good news first? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2580 Our newest medical algorithms suggest you have 45 seconds to live. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2581 This is your chart. This is your chart on fire. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2582 It appears to just be some chart burn. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2583 You have the medical bill match plan. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2584 This doesn't mean I'm not confident in the diagnosis. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2585 Although Johnny Storm left the world of superheroes to study, go to medical school and become a doctor; he often found that he couldn't escape his younger alter ego. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2586 "Your test results show elevated acid re-flux levels"! 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2587 Not sure I like the new Snapchat app. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2588 The new HIPPA regulations protect your privacy, of course...... 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2589 As we suspected, a hot appendix. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2590 The main thing is not too over-react. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2591 Uhh, the diagnostic shows your heart burn might be more severe than we thought... 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2592 Your records indicate the worst case if inflammation I have ever seen. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2593 I would suggest calling Joe Bornstein. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2594 This info-sheet should help you better understand your panic disorder. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2595 Sorry, Charlie, your Devils Food Cake days are over. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2596 "Oh dear….I see you didn't pay your concierge fees…..: 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2597 Do you want to hear the bad news or the worse news--hurry, time's a wast'n. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2598 Worst case of hemorrhoids I've ever seen! 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2599 From our record to God's ear! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2600 This is yet one more example of the dangers of smoking. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2601 It says "Your disease is totally psychosomatic, you must leave this office and never return. These instructions will self-destruct in thirty seconds".... oops. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2602 You're probably not going to like this..... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2603 You're either having hot flashes or your pants are on fire. Our tests were inconclusive. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2604 Your temperature is rather high. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2605 Your perscrition is on fire (doctor). 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2606 It appears, Mr. Cash, that you've fallen in to a burning ring of fire. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2607 It's time we took the next step. There is a Preparation J. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2608 How did you do that, Mr. Green? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2609 Medical Marijuana's final hurdle: Zeus, god of lightning. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2610 I want to assure you that your personal information will not be compromised 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2611 I've never seen this before... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2612 This has a 70% success rate among fire swallowers. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2613 We'll just tell your wife the results of your HIV test were inconclusive. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2614 Well I’ll be darned, he was right. Obamacare just exploded. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2615 Crappy news Mrs. Smith. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2616 My diagnosis is Spontaneous Combustion Syndrome which is caused by inflated medical charges. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2617 Is the burning in your stomach like this ? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2618 No, you don't have a fever. It's just hot in here. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2619 I am waiting for Congress to act before I create a new bill. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2620 No one said getting old would be easy, Superman. You still have to pay your bill. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2621 There's too much evil in your diet. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2622 You're a wizard Harry! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2623 I think we know where you heat rash is coming from. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2624 Your lab report indicates hot flashes... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2625 I see it as kind of biblical -- not religious, just kind of biblical. But no, it's definitely not good. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2626 As I was saying, the second form of halitosis can be more difficult to treat. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2627 We're still working out the kinks of our new system. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2628 You definitely don't want the Russians getting their hands on this. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2629 On the other hand you're going someplace warm 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2630 Not the usual consent form, Mr. Phelps. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2631 This is why we will soon be switching to digital records. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2632 And for my next trick, I'm going to ask you to not go like that. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2633 Your fever is off the charts! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2634 So sorry, but it looks like your Obamacare has just been repealed and replaced with Trumpcare. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2635 Our lab techs are quite flamboyant. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2636 The diagnosis is confirmed. Inflamed hemorrhoids. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2637 Just leave this with the receptionist. She'll forward the ashes to President Trump. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2638 You'll be dead before I can finish reading this. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2639 Sorry, new HIPAA rules, I can only read your lab results out of a burning piece of paper 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2640 The only thing to worry about now is HIPPA. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2641 I'm afraid you have dragon breath 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2642 This is what happens when you don't stop smoking. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2643 Your tumor may present malignant effects. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2644 It appears that your Chartburn has flared up again 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2645 What do you want it to be? Your bill? Or your diagnosis? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2646 It's our implementation of HIPAA, nobody is going to see your medical records. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2647 I'd only worry if it explodes. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2648 I think these results explain why you're experiencing a burning sensation. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2649 You're gonna need to put ice on this 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2650 Your healthcare plan will self-destruct in 3...2...1... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2651 I also request you not breath on the other staff members. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2652 As you can see, your numbers are flying off the charts. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2653 How are you alive? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2654 Now you know why our hand writing is so notoriously bad. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2655 No, your insurance policy does not cover that. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2656 I thought you said lazy eye, not laser eye. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2657 Med school was fine, but my dream was always the fire academy. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2658 We were told our old reflex test wasn't "engaging" enough. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2659 Well looks like we know where you're going. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2660 "Needless to say, some antibiotics will be in order". 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2661 You're not sick....you're just burned out. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2662 I'll bet you love asking these burning questions as you hold that clipboard in your hot little hands. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2663 It's irreversible. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2664 Your urine is 80 proof. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2665 This test proves you are a flaming queen. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2666 Your acid reflux isn't your only burning issue. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2667 I'll admit, this latest medical record privacy requirement does seem extreme. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2668 Whoa, it looks like your telekinesis levels are off the charts! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2669 Well, you're not the father, but I REALLY need to speak with the man who is. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2670 Positive for hemorrhoids. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2671 It seems your testosterone level is a tad too high. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2672 Only you can prevent forest fires 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2673 I've got good news and bad news. BP is OK but your fever has gotten worse. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2674 Sorry, it's a HIPAA requirement. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2675 Your diagnosis, should you decide to accept it... 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2676 Good morning, Mr. Phelps. Your diagnosis, should you decide to accept it, is....oh, crap. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2677 I'm writing you a new prescription. Make sure to take it with plenty of water. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2678 - There is your heartburn. We removed it from your history file. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2679 If you accept this mission, the bad news is the enemy is inside you. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2680 Your temperature appears here as 451 degrees, Fahrenheit. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2681 Honestly, things don't look great. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2682 The test is conclusive - too many chilies in your diet. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2683 Let's see: Heart Burn, Inflamed Bowels, Burning Fever,Firery Rash and Health Care Up in Smoke. It's not good George! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2684 I suggest you cut back on the Sriracha sauce 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2685 It's simply routine to burn everything you might have touched. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2686 It's not exactly good news... 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2687 Our medical records office has just installed a new patient security system. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2688 Your fever seems to be contagious. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2689 I think I left yours on my desk. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2690 Have you visited any foreign "Hot Spots" recently? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2691 Blood sugar OK; cholesterol is fine. But my god man, your capsaicin is through the roof! 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2692 Superman! I understand your frustration but using your Heat Vision superpower to destroy your ED diagnosis report won't help! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2693 Before we discuss your lab results, how about a little magic trick to lighten the-- dammit! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2694 Do you mind holding this for a minute while I check your blood pressure? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2695 You should see the women's charts. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2696 So, you want the bad news or a marshmellow? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2697 Needless to say, your test results are burning up the charts. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2698 Any recent heartburn? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2699 I'll need to send your labs to a specialist to review, but nothing to be concerned about until then. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2700 The inflammation has jumped a level of abstraction. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2701 Well Joe, the results are in... looks like you have a particularly severe case of Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome.... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2702 This new treatment procedure is really catching fire! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2703 Let's not worry about that for now. Let's just focus on getting you better. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2704 I'm not convinced it's inflammation. Let's order more tests. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2705 I'd love to show you your results but as you can see, they're on fire. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2706 Open your mouth and say, "Arrgghhhhh!!" 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2707 The only treatment I am permitted to offer under your current insurance is to read out the bible quotation on this piece of paper whilst setting it on fire. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2708 It's called The Mother Of All Health Care Plans 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2709 To ensure patient privacy all test results are sent via an App that self-destructs within two minutes after reading. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2710 Congratulations Bob! You've been selected as our first Clinical Trial participant! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2711 I think we should try a statin. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2712 Let's up your dose of anti-oxidants. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2713 Your diagnosis is telekinesis. Mr. Donovan, you are a fire starter. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2714 If treated, your insurance company will disavow any knowledge of you 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2715 You're fine. But your Trumpcare plan, not so good. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2716 Have you been feeling unusually warm? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2717 Let's give it a couple of days and see if it spreads. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2718 It's your prostate results, but don't worry. Obamacare will pay for the test. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2719 I got your lab results back from Mount Sinai, it says "thou hast a tubular adenoma, thou mayst not eat of the flesh of beasts, I am the LORD." 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2720 Let's just say, we'll expect payment in full before you leave. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2721 It's clear from the test results that your gallblader is inflamed 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2722 Your hemmoroid tests are in 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2723 I'm afraid it's more serious than heartburn. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2724 And this is your bill on drugs. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2725 Your inflamed colon seems to be spreading. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2726 Your health insurance expired. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2727 My Congressman has been warning me that the ACA would soon self destruct. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2728 This is your esophagus on spicy foods...any questions? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2729 It's our new sure-fire method for avoiding HIPAA violations. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2730 We've just started using Samsung for all our record keeping. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2731 New breakthrough treatment to burn cals fast! 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2732 Oh, so it actually burns when you pee... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2733 Don't worry Mr. Smith this happens when I bill the insurance company. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2734 I'm sorry, I pulled satan's file by mistake. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2735 This is what happens when your blood pressure's higher than your credit rating. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2736 Have you experienced many days when strange things occur? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2737 This diagnosis, should you choose to accept it … 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2738 Man, I really hate when this happens! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2739 It's a new HIPAA precaution. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2740 I'm worried about these CO2 levels. 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2741 Ask yourself, 'Are you lucky?' 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2742 Any smoke getting in your eyes? 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2743 Take this and don't call me in the morning! 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2744 'You're Off the Charts now.' 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2745 This is going to burn a bit..... 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2746 liar!Liar! Pot's on fire. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2747 My God, man, how many habanero poppers did you eat? 1.1304 0.09544 23 21 1 1
2748 So, you're feeling a burning sensation? That's funny, so am I. 1.1304 0.07180 23 20 3 0
2749 Your new exercise regimen is going down in flames. 1.1250 0.06896 24 21 3 0
2750 I'm working on anger management. 1.1250 0.09153 24 22 1 1
2751 We've completed all the tests but I'm prohibited from discussing the treatment plan since coverage has been denied by your health insurer. 1.1250 0.09153 24 22 1 1
2752 All you need is an anti-inflammatory. 1.1250 0.06896 24 21 3 0
2753 We're gradually converting to a paperless medical record system. 1.1000 0.10000 20 19 0 1
2754 Your acid reflux is flaring up again. 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2755 Yes. I think heartburn might be part of your problem! 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2756 Your health is fine, but your healthcare plan is weak, infected and seems to be running a very high fever. 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2757 So it looks like there's still a bit of inflammation. 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2758 just because the doctor says something it doesn't mean its true 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2759 We're not sure just what it is, but we can say it's highly combustible. 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2760 I see that the Viagra worked out fine. 1.1000 0.06882 20 18 2 0
2761 I see you're indicating the hemorrhoid symptoms have gotten worse. 1.1000 0.10000 20 19 0 1
2762 First word "hea