Contest #558


Cartoon

558


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-02-27
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-03-12 (estimated)
Number of captions 3925
Number of responses 524297
Number of participants 14486


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 I pictured it differently when you said you kept my room just like it was. 1.7676 0.02480 1050 489 316 245
1 Fine, mom. You've made your point. I'll start looking for an apartment tomorrow. 1.7360 0.02608 875 406 294 175
2 No, you grow up. 1.7354 0.02836 756 356 244 156
3 Mom! When you said I could have my old room back, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.7191 0.02759 801 388 250 163
4 I hate being born on Leap Year. 1.7161 0.02876 789 401 211 177
5 Hey Mom, when I asked if I can move back into my old room, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind. 1.7030 0.02896 734 367 218 149
6 Nope, still not ready to finish those peas. 1.7021 0.02998 725 376 189 160
7 I can hear you, you know. 1.6983 0.02994 716 370 192 154
8 It's time to get my own crib. 1.6886 0.03127 684 368 161 155
9 You said I could have my OLD room back...not my FIRST room! 1.6837 0.03212 667 368 142 157
10 ...but I regress. 1.6694 0.03217 620 335 155 130
11 Yeah, my parents let me move back into my old room." 1.6661 0.03155 614 324 171 119
12 Mom, this is exactly why I don't come home to visit more often. 1.6639 0.03073 607 310 191 106
13 I think I overslept. 1.6552 0.03220 583 311 162 110
14 Of course I could climb out -- but, then what? 1.6381 0.03212 536 280 170 86
15 I'm pretty sure I'm in the control group. 1.6360 0.03635 445 241 125 79
16 Alexa. Are my parents ever coming back? 1.6345 0.03488 528 301 119 108
17 Siri, what's the Guinness World Record for the longest time out? 1.6301 0.03390 519 286 139 94
18 This is why I don't like coming home over break. 1.6223 0.03296 503 268 157 78
19 Are you sure this is the only way to stay on your insurance? 1.6097 0.03411 474 259 141 74
20 You should probably know that I can hear you too. 1.6081 0.03289 472 249 159 64
21 Naturally, I'm touched that you kept my room exactly as it was when I was kidnapped. 1.6081 0.03832 472 292 73 107
22 This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted to move back home. 1.6039 0.03346 462 247 151 64
23 I'm starting to regret moving back in with my parents. 1.5969 0.03469 449 248 134 67
24 Yes, your AirBnB post promised that I'll sleep like a baby, but... 1.5960 0.03657 448 261 107 80
25 You know I can climb out of here, right? 1.5951 0.03380 447 241 146 60
26 It's true what they say. You can't go home again. 1.5909 0.03586 440 251 118 71
27 This is the last time I use Airbnb. 1.5806 0.03802 422 254 91 77
28 Not what I meant by "getting my own crib". Over. 1.5789 0.03832 418 253 88 77
29 I'm ready to eat my broccoli now. 1.5742 0.03809 411 247 92 72
30 No, you grow up. 1.5735 0.03704 408 238 106 64
31 Mom, Dad, did you forget something? 1.5725 0.03994 407 256 69 82
32 No child left behind? That's a laugh. 1.5725 0.03711 407 238 105 64
33 When you said I could move back into my old room I assumed you meant my most recent room, not my OLDEST room. 1.5686 0.03887 401 245 84 72
34 Mom...Dad...you still alive? 1.5627 0.04002 391 245 72 74
35 Maybe I shouldn't have moved back after college. 1.5615 0.03703 390 227 107 56
36 It's time for my bottle. I recommend a dry red if you really want me down for the night. 1.5615 0.03860 390 236 89 65
37 Honey? The baby's outsmarted me again. 1.5596 0.03892 386 235 86 65
38 Yes, I've finally calmed down. 1.5496 0.03704 373 217 107 49
39 This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked to move back in with you, mom. 1.5414 0.03852 362 218 92 52
40 Am I still grounded for life? 1.5404 0.03754 359 211 102 46
41 You win Dad. I'll pay rent. 1.5365 0.03963 356 220 81 55
42 Mommy? Daddy? Are you ever coming to get me? 1.5365 0.04363 356 241 39 76
43 Is anybody there? 1.5354 0.04375 353 239 39 75
44 I've been on hold so long I gotta change my order to solid foods. 1.5354 0.03825 353 211 95 47
45 Is it possible to upgrade an Airbnb reservation mid-stay? 1.5341 0.03958 352 217 82 53
46 Its not a phase mom, its who I am. 1.5316 0.03953 348 214 83 51
47 When I said I would like to sleep like a baby, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.5289 0.03992 346 215 79 52
48 Please wait. Your call is important to us, 1.5277 0.04124 343 219 67 57
49 Mom... Dad... you know I can hear you, too, right? 1.5263 0.03810 342 204 96 42
50 So, Mom, this isn't really what I had in mind when I said it would be fun to stay in my old room. 1.5251 0.03925 339 207 86 46
51 Maybe moving back home wasn't such a good idea after all. 1.5251 0.03812 339 202 96 41
52 Hello, Child Overprotective Services? Help! 1.5237 0.04066 338 213 73 52
53 Hello?, it's the middle child... remember me? 1.5195 0.03888 333 202 89 42
54 Yes, I'm still on my parents' family plan. 1.5181 0.03943 332 204 84 44
55 Wendy, it's Peter, are we still on for tonight? 1.5152 0.04073 328 207 73 48
56 Uh, when I said I wanted my own crib... 1.5138 0.04013 327 204 78 45
57 Can I have the blond babysitter? 1.5138 0.03966 327 202 82 43
58 The good news is, I finished putting it together. 1.5109 0.03974 321 198 82 41
59 I guess I overslept 1.5094 0.03909 320 195 87 38
60 Mom, is this really the only way I can keep my health insurance? 1.5094 0.03934 320 196 85 39
61 This isn't what the Airbnb posting looked like. 1.5048 0.04130 315 201 69 45
62 OK, OK, I'll pay rent. 1.5048 0.04056 315 198 75 42
63 Listen Mom, a lot of kids move back home after college... 1.5047 0.04135 317 203 68 46
64 I'm having doubts about this witness protection identity. 1.5032 0.04116 314 200 70 44
65 Dumb! I learned my lesson in Juvie. 1.5016 0.04391 313 211 47 55
66 ...and another thing: I want to get vaccinated. 1.4984 0.04313 307 203 55 49
67 You know I can hear you, right? 1.4967 0.03962 306 189 82 35
68 Mom, I'm off to college in August whether you like it or not. 1.4934 0.04141 304 195 68 41
69 Moving back in with my parents isn't working. 1.4917 0.04225 301 196 62 43
70 I love you too, Mom, but at some point you've got to let go. 1.4917 0.04010 301 188 78 35
71 Hey mom, I think I overslept. 1.4917 0.04092 301 191 72 38
72 I'm starting to feel you're not all that happy about me moving back home, Mom. 1.4917 0.03955 301 186 82 33
73 There are drawbacks to my parents leaving my room exactly the same. 1.4899 0.04068 298 188 74 36
74 Sleeping like a baby is overrated. 1.4864 0.03994 294 183 79 32
75 Get a job and move out? What, and leave all this? 1.4864 0.04081 294 186 73 35
76 Mom, I think I'm finally ready to discuss moving out. 1.4829 0.03955 292 181 81 30
77 How long was I asleep? 1.4811 0.04024 291 183 76 32
78 Hour 61,324: still no sign of Tooth Fairy. 1.4811 0.04140 291 187 68 36
79 Maybe moving back in wasn't the best idea. 1.4810 0.03893 289 177 85 27
80 I need another bottle. How about a Merlot this time? 1.4792 0.04025 288 181 76 31
81 OK mom, you win. I'll move out. 1.4774 0.04183 287 186 65 36
82 Did you forget about me? 1.4754 0.04216 284 185 63 36
83 Airbnb? Can you connect me with customer service please. 1.4754 0.04216 284 185 63 36
84 This is why I don't come over more grandma 1.4735 0.04197 283 184 64 35
85 I'll fix the wifi when you give me back my Teddy. 1.4733 0.04249 281 184 61 36
86 I knew it was a mistake moving back home at thirty. 1.4733 0.04097 281 179 71 31
87 This seems like a really long time out, Mom. 1.4718 0.04215 284 186 62 36
88 Mom...Dad...come quick! I've grown up! 1.4695 0.04086 279 178 71 30
89 There's got to be an easier way to keep me insured. 1.4695 0.04117 279 179 69 31
90 Mom, just thought you'd like to know I gave your breast milk 4 stars on Yelp. 1.4695 0.04506 279 192 43 44
91 Are you ready to hear my first four-letter word? 1.4676 0.04252 278 183 60 35
92 Mom, I'm staying here until my caption wins the New Yorker competition. 1.4674 0.04396 276 186 51 39
93 Mom? I overslept. 1.4655 0.04317 275 183 56 36
94 They say eighteen is the new eighteen months. 1.4655 0.04128 275 177 68 30
95 When I said 'I'll always be your baby' I was speaking metaphorically. 1.4635 0.04008 274 173 75 26
96 No, you're the big baby! 1.4635 0.04139 274 177 67 30
97 Is anybody there? 1.4613 0.04754 271 195 27 49
98 ...in other news, the FDA has approved the use of steroids in baby formula saying there are no discernible side effects... 1.4569 0.04315 267 178 56 33
99 Now can I stay on your insurance? 1.4549 0.04125 266 172 67 27
100 Mum? Dad? I think I overslept. 1.4525 0.04088 263 169 69 25
101 When I said I wanted my own crib, this is not what I had in mind. 1.4525 0.04296 263 175 57 31
102 The Hotel brochure said "You'll sleep like a baby." 1.4504 0.04374 262 177 52 33
103 Yes, I was home schooled. Why do you ask? 1.4504 0.04134 262 170 66 26
104 Can I exchange the timeout for community service? 1.4500 0.04048 260 166 71 23
105 Mom I'm thirsty, could you bring me a gin and tonic? 1.4479 0.04309 259 173 56 30
106 Thanks for letting me move back in to my old room. 1.4479 0.04058 259 166 70 23
107 I've finished thinking about what I've done. 1.4479 0.04167 259 169 64 26
108 Mom, when I said I wanted my own crib, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.4479 0.04203 259 170 62 27
109 Nothing dude, just hangin' out in my crib. 1.4457 0.04214 258 170 61 27
110 I don't think I'm the one who's acting immature in this relationship. 1.4453 0.04238 256 169 60 27
111 Mom, can Lisa sleep over? 1.4431 0.04249 255 169 59 27
112 You know I can climb out ... Don't you? 1.4431 0.04138 255 166 65 24
113 25 is the new 18 months. 1.4431 0.04176 255 167 63 25
114 How long was my nap? 1.4409 0.04186 254 167 62 25
115 Siri, how do I climb out of a crib? 1.4405 0.04358 252 170 53 29
116 It's fine, my last airbnb was a tub. 1.4405 0.04210 252 166 61 25
117 Wow. I REALLY slept in. 1.4392 0.04210 255 169 60 26
118 And now they'll let me stay on your healthcare plan? 1.4382 0.04258 251 167 58 26
119 Olivia, my parents just left. Want to come over and check out my crib? 1.4360 0.04194 250 165 61 24
120 How long was I out? 1.4360 0.04116 250 163 65 22
121 How long have I been asleep? 1.4360 0.04232 250 166 59 25
122 Should I drive the babysitter home? 1.4355 0.04444 248 170 48 30
123 "Time travel tech support, please". 1.4348 0.04369 230 152 56 22
124 Hey Mom, don't freak out, but I literally grew up over night. 1.4343 0.04511 251 175 43 33
125 He's the president? How long was I asleep? 1.4332 0.04493 247 171 45 31
126 Let me know when Trump's term is up. 1.4309 0.04468 246 170 46 30
127 I think I've had a growth spurt. 1.4303 0.04103 244 159 65 20
128 I grew up. Over. 1.4303 0.04144 244 160 63 21
129 Mom, I had the student loan nightmare again. 1.4286 0.04090 245 160 65 20
130 Hell-of-a-long timeout, don't ya think? 1.4280 0.04235 243 162 58 23
131 Just hanging out in my crib. S'up with you? 1.4280 0.04275 243 163 56 24
132 Maybe me moving back home wasn't such a good idea. 1.4280 0.04072 243 158 66 19
133 Guys, this has been a pretty long time out. 1.4280 0.04275 243 163 56 24
134 Thanks for letting me move back in, mom. 1.4256 0.04246 242 162 57 23
135 No I don't need changing; I need a shave. 1.4256 0.04286 242 163 55 24
136 My friends get to live in their parents' basements. 1.4256 0.04286 242 163 55 24
137 Is 'time-out' over yet? 1.4256 0.04246 242 162 57 23
138 Okay, I get it. You're ready for me to move out. 1.4256 0.04444 242 167 47 28
139 Longest. Time-out. Ever. 1.4256 0.04405 242 166 49 27
140 Let's talk about your parenting skills, then we'll talk about bedtime. 1.4256 0.04286 242 163 55 24
141 I just get the feeling you're not ready for me to grow up... 1.4226 0.04200 239 159 59 21
142 Mom, how much longer is this timeout? 1.4226 0.04157 239 158 61 20
143 I am not jealous of the new baby. 1.4219 0.04349 237 161 52 24
144 Note to self: "Grow up!" 1.4219 0.04051 237 154 66 17
145 Crib Control to Major Mom. 1.4219 0.04266 237 159 56 22
146 I guess you really can't go home again. 1.4202 0.04294 238 161 54 23
147 Dad, are you finished with my new Ikea bed yet? 1.4202 0.04535 238 167 42 29
148 BECAUSE, Mom! This is the age I identify with. 1.4202 0.04375 238 163 50 25
149 In the rentals section of the newspaper it said "Cozy, furnished crib with monitoring system included." 1.4202 0.04335 238 162 52 24
150 By any chance is the baby in bed with you? 1.4170 0.04203 235 157 58 20
151 Me? Secretary of Education? Sure...why not? 1.4170 0.04495 235 164 44 27
152 When I said I wanted my own crib this is not what I meant. 1.4163 0.04399 233 160 49 24
153 I'm still going away to college in September whether you like it or not. 1.4163 0.04314 233 158 53 22
154 I'm not being childish. Over. 1.4163 0.04139 233 154 61 18
155 I gotta get out - just vaccinate me already! 1.4163 0.04271 233 157 55 21
156 I'm sorry, the baby is out. Can I take a message? 1.4163 0.04139 233 154 61 18
157 Day 28: They still do not suspect the swap. 1.4152 0.04527 224 155 45 24
158 Mom, can Bob from Accounting sleep over this weekend? 1.4138 0.04326 232 158 52 22
159 It's not a ban; it's extreme bedding. 1.4138 0.04495 232 162 44 26
160 You said you would come up in a few minutes and that was 1998. 1.4113 0.04380 231 159 49 23
161 Honey, where's the baby? 1.4113 0.04549 231 163 41 27
162 Come dress me. I have a job interview. 1.4113 0.04590 231 164 39 28
163 No, you're the big baby! 1.4113 0.04465 231 161 45 25
164 Did I oversleep? 1.4113 0.04293 231 157 53 21
165 When you bring a bottle, make it bourbon. 1.4113 0.04423 231 160 47 24
166 How long was I asleep? 1.4113 0.04249 231 156 55 20
167 And what are you wearing? 1.4113 0.04507 231 162 43 26
168 Right now? Your crib or mine? 1.4105 0.04407 229 158 48 23
169 It was a mistake to come home for spring break. 1.4105 0.04407 229 158 48 23
170 Mom, I think I'm ready to start acting my age again. 1.4105 0.04092 229 151 62 16
171 OK, I see your point, but sometimes I feel you treat me like a child. 1.4079 0.04506 228 160 43 25
172 none of my other friends that moved back home after college had to start over 1.4079 0.04548 228 161 41 26
173 Just chillin' in my crib. 'sup with you? 1.4079 0.04375 228 157 49 22
174 I think my timeout has been long enough! 1.4079 0.04506 228 160 43 25
175 Mom, the student loan officer is in my closet again. 1.4053 0.04518 227 160 42 25
176 This time out seems longer than the others 1.4053 0.04297 227 155 52 20
177 Mom, we need to talk about this "you'll always be my baby boy" thing. 1.4053 0.04205 227 153 56 18
178 i'm old enough to know what you're doing in there. 1.4053 0.04518 227 160 42 25
179 I said I was ready for my 'own' crib, not my 'old' crib. 1.4053 0.04111 227 151 60 16
180 ...and when you bring up my bottle, could you make it a dry New Zealand red? 1.4053 0.04342 227 156 50 21
181 When you said I could move home for a while this is not what I expected. 1.4053 0.04518 227 160 42 25
182 If he can be president, I can be a baby. 1.4053 0.04687 227 164 34 29
183 One step at a time. I just got her to stop breastfeeding. 1.4027 0.04659 226 163 35 28
184 Dad, this isn't what I meant when I said I wanted my own crib 1.4018 0.04559 224 159 40 25
185 Mom? Dad? How long is time out? 1.4018 0.04334 224 154 50 20
186 You've made your point. 1.4009 0.04589 222 158 39 25
187 No, it's not weird. You guys wanted a baby. I needed a place to crash. Everybody wins. 1.4009 0.04361 222 153 49 20
188 Mom? Dad? I've reached puberty. 1.4009 0.04314 222 152 51 19
189 I had that dream again where my degree is obsolete. 1.4009 0.04267 222 151 53 18
190 One mocha latte - in a sippy cup, please! 1.3982 0.04030 221 146 62 13
191 Is it just me - or does it seem like our whole country is regressing? 1.3982 0.04419 221 154 46 21
192 If the President can act like a child why can't I? 1.3955 0.04659 220 159 35 26
193 Oh not much just chilling in my crib 1.3955 0.04384 220 153 47 20
194 I don't think you read the directions right. I'm sure the baby should be in here. 1.3955 0.04384 220 153 47 20
195 I'll call you back. I'm busy regressing. 1.3955 0.04039 220 146 61 13
196 I can't sleep. I want a glass of scotch and wawa. 1.3955 0.04569 220 157 39 24
197 Mom, I think I had a growth spurt 1.3955 0.04336 220 152 49 19
198 I'm glad this helps soothe your empty nest anxiety, but I'll still need a ride back to Dartmouth in the morning. 1.3955 0.04431 220 154 45 21
199 Has hell frozen over yet? 1.3945 0.04507 218 154 42 22
200 I'm done thinking about what I did. 1.3945 0.04216 218 148 54 16
201 OK Mom, I promise to start looking for a job if you'll let me have my old room back. 1.3937 0.04224 221 151 53 17
202 My parents don't really understand the concept behind leap year. 1.3927 0.04536 219 156 40 23
203 It's just until I finish grad school. 1.3917 0.04226 217 148 53 16
204 Do you really think I don’t know what the two of you are doing? 1.3917 0.04519 217 154 41 22
205 Just wondering how long this time-out is going to last. 1.3917 0.04124 217 146 57 14
206 Bringing home girls is a bit awkward. 1.3917 0.04375 217 151 47 19
207 Is he still president? 1.3917 0.04612 217 156 37 24
208 A lot of millennials are moving back home after college! 1.3917 0.04471 217 153 43 21
209 Your dad and I realized you were never moving out, so we are. 1.3907 0.04827 215 159 28 28
210 Lots of millenials have to move back in with their parents 1.3907 0.03988 215 142 62 11
211 I'll still be covered until 26 though right? 1.3907 0.04303 215 148 50 17
212 Mom, are you done filling out my college applications yet? 1.3907 0.04403 215 150 46 19
213 Mom, Dad...can you PLEASE keep it down? I gotta go to work tomorrow! 1.3907 0.04303 215 148 50 17
214 You better believe I need a change. 1.3907 0.04500 215 152 42 21
215 Mom...Dad...you said, 'just a minute...' 1.3907 0.04148 215 145 56 14
216 He's on the potty. May I take a message? 1.3907 0.04548 215 153 40 22
217 No Mom, I definitely plan to have my own place by the time I'm 30. 1.3889 0.04386 216 151 46 19
218 Ok, Mom, you've proved your point. I'll get a job. 1.3850 0.04273 213 147 50 16
219 I really don't think this is going to fool the IRS, or your health plan. 1.3850 0.04324 213 148 48 17
220 I'm writing your college essay, honey. Now go to sleep. 1.3850 0.04524 213 152 40 21
221 Mom, did you finish writing my résumé yet? 1.3850 0.04621 213 154 36 23
222 Nope, still grounded. 1.3850 0.04425 213 150 44 19
223 Dad, can I borrow the stroller this weekend? 1.3850 0.04324 213 148 48 17
224 I'm six feet, brown eyes, blonde hair and I enjoy kissing on the first date. How about you? 1.3850 0.04475 213 151 42 20
225 Yes Grandma, everything is exactly as I remember. Exactly! 1.3850 0.04220 213 146 52 15
226 They said they would be right back. 1.3850 0.04005 213 142 60 11
227 Can't wait to pick their old-age home. 1.3839 0.04652 211 153 35 23
228 Mom? Dad? Do you realize the sitter went home twelve years ago? 1.3839 0.04454 211 149 43 19
229 Mom, can you bring me a beer? 1.3839 0.04454 211 149 43 19
230 I promise, Mom, I'll start looking for a job tomorrow. 1.3839 0.04299 211 146 49 16
231 Mom, Dad, I think we need to talk. 1.3810 0.04203 210 144 52 14
232 Uh Mom, this wasn't what I had in mind when I said I was moving back home. 1.3810 0.04466 210 149 42 19
233 This isn't what I meant by 'sleep like a baby.' 1.3810 0.04310 210 146 48 16
234 Definitely applying for jobs tomorrow. 1.3810 0.04567 210 151 38 21
235 I found this great deal on Air BNB. 1.3810 0.04310 210 146 48 16
236 I can hear you too you know... 1.3810 0.04414 210 148 44 18
237 I know I promised if you let me move back in I'd take my old room back--but this is ridiculous! 1.3810 0.04567 210 151 38 21
238 It’s not just a phase, mom! 1.3798 0.04495 208 148 41 19
239 Day 17. They suspect nothing. 1.3798 0.04546 208 149 39 20
240 Hey Ma... my growth spurt finally hit. 1.3798 0.04229 208 143 51 14
241 For the millionth time, Mom, I'm sorry I had to move back in after college. 1.3798 0.04337 208 145 47 16
242 Is my time out over? 1.3798 0.04647 208 151 35 22
243 Okay, mom, I can take a hint - I'm moving out next week. 1.3798 0.04390 208 146 45 17
244 Mom. Don't forget to get me up for work tomorrow. 1.3798 0.04337 208 145 47 16
245 Doing everything I can to ensure I stay on my parents' health insurance in the event the ACA is dismantled. 1.3798 0.04647 208 151 35 22
246 How about parlaying that philosophy degree into a big boy bed? 1.3768 0.04660 207 151 34 22
247 Am I still grounded? 1.3768 0.04239 207 143 50 14
248 Are you sure keeping me at this emotional level will help me become President one day? 1.3768 0.04710 207 152 32 23
249 This is what happens when you move back home after college. 1.3738 0.04571 206 149 37 20
250 I had a bad dream, could you bring a warm glass of wine? 1.3738 0.04135 206 141 53 12
251 Can you come read me the New York Times? 1.3738 0.04304 206 144 47 15
252 I guess I should have taken them seriously AND literally when they said ''sleep like a baby'' in their airbnb listing. 1.3738 0.04571 206 149 37 20
253 Mom, how long is this timeout going to last? 1.3738 0.04571 206 149 37 20
254 Am I still in timeout? 1.3738 0.04466 206 147 41 18
255 They only let me out to sign executive orders. 1.3738 0.04673 206 151 33 22
256 No, mom, I'm okay. It was just another student debt nightmare. 1.3738 0.04248 206 143 49 14
257 THIS is my Airbnb rental? 1.3738 0.04723 206 152 31 23
258 Ground control to Major Mom. 1.3738 0.04622 206 150 35 21
259 Not getting any younger here, over... 1.3738 0.04304 206 144 47 15
260 I must have overslept. 1.3738 0.04412 206 146 43 17
261 Need a diaper change and a large cheese pizza up here. 1.3725 0.04387 204 144 44 16
262 Commander Zeltar, I'm here with the human family - but I think they may suspect something. 1.3707 0.04369 205 145 44 16
263 It's not ideal, but this Airbnb saves me $100 a night. 1.3695 0.04228 203 141 49 13
264 What do you mean I'm too immature for a relationship? 1.3695 0.04170 203 140 51 12
265 Listen, Mama, I can't speak for all the other babies in day care, but I feel like I've aged 30 years since the election. 1.3695 0.04397 203 144 43 16
266 November 5th, 2020 - "Is it safe to come out yet?" 1.3695 0.04507 203 146 39 18
267 Can I borrow the car after my nap? 1.3695 0.04285 203 142 47 14
268 Until my college loans are paid off. 1.3695 0.04561 203 147 37 19
269 Mom, I think I'm ready to move into my own place now. 1.3695 0.04397 203 144 43 16
270 This is not quite as you advertised on Airbnb... 1.3695 0.04507 203 146 39 18
271 Mom, we need to talk. 1.3695 0.04285 203 142 47 14
272 I will not be attending the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner this year. Please wish everyone well and have a great evening! 1.3682 0.04592 201 146 36 19
273 Mom, when I said I wanted a cell, I meant a cell phone. 1.3682 0.04592 201 146 36 19
274 I'm starting to think there's no one on the other end of this. 1.3682 0.04370 201 142 44 15
275 Mommy, I'm pretty sure there was growth hormone in the milk. 1.3682 0.04592 201 146 36 19
276 Uh, mom? I think we overslept. 1.3650 0.04604 200 146 35 19
277 The worst part of homeschooling is nap time. 1.3650 0.04264 200 140 47 13
278 Mommy? Can I have a glass of milk and $300,000 dollars for college? 1.3650 0.04604 200 146 35 19
279 Finally got my own crib! 1.3650 0.04493 200 144 39 17
280 Honey, aren't you playing the nanny? 1.3636 0.04691 198 146 32 20
281 And how much have you budgeted for all the therapy I'm going to need? 1.3636 0.04580 198 144 36 18
282 We need to discuss "your house, your rules". Do you copy? 1.3618 0.04273 199 140 46 13
283 Whoa. How long have I been asleep? 1.3604 0.04478 197 142 39 16
284 Come over! I'm just chillin' in my crib. 1.3604 0.04360 197 140 43 14
285 Oh I'm the one the being childish? 1.3600 0.04372 200 143 42 15
286 But if the President can act this way, why can't I? 1.3600 0.04596 200 147 34 19
287 How is Mommy's big, handsome, independent boy this morning? 1.3600 0.04596 200 147 34 19
288 All I said was,I wanted my own crib. 1.3571 0.04660 196 145 32 19
289 My therapist says you may be infantilizing me 1.3571 0.04604 196 144 34 18
290 Mom, dad, I had a growth spurt last night! 1.3571 0.04249 196 138 46 12
291 All right. You win. I will finish the broccoli. 1.3571 0.04546 196 143 36 17
292 I think I'll just get my own health insurance 1.3571 0.04546 196 143 36 17
293 So this whole time I could have been on your insurance without pretending? 1.3571 0.04488 196 142 38 16
294 That's the last time I book through aircnb. 1.3571 0.04488 196 142 38 16
295 Could you text me a bedtime story? 1.3571 0.04604 196 144 34 18
296 What was in that last bottle you gave me? 1.3571 0.04310 196 139 44 13
297 Doc - wouldn't it be easier if I just sat on the couch and told you about my childhood? 1.3571 0.04488 196 142 38 16
298 It seems like I've been in 'time-out' forever. 1.3571 0.04370 196 140 42 14
299 I don't care that it's been 25 years. I'm still. Not. Tired. 1.3571 0.04430 196 141 40 15
300 Ok I'm ready to role play. Come rob the cradle. 1.3571 0.04660 196 145 32 19
301 Ok. One last nap then it's mid-life crisis. 1.3571 0.04430 196 141 40 15
302 I'm getting the feeling I've outstayed my welcome. 1.3557 0.04399 194 139 41 14
303 Mom, wake me up at 7, I have an interview tomorrow. 1.3557 0.04338 194 138 43 13
304 Please send me a village. 1.3557 0.04578 194 142 35 17
305 Not tonight Honey. I'm reliving my childhood. 1.3557 0.04519 194 141 37 16
306 Mom, wake me up early tomorrow. I have a job interview. 1.3557 0.04338 194 138 43 13
307 I grew up so fast. 1.3557 0.04399 194 139 41 14
308 Am I still in timeout? 1.3557 0.04519 194 141 37 16
309 I'm fine Mom. Really. Check the monitor. 1.3557 0.04149 194 135 49 10
310 Are you sure this will get me another year on your insurance? 1.3557 0.04276 194 137 45 12
311 Mom, I think I overslept. 1.3557 0.04578 194 142 35 17
312 Honey, i'm still in my safe space but could you bring me a cup of coffee and the Times? 1.3557 0.04578 194 142 35 17
313 Mom, Dad, I'm breathing easily, no anxiety to speak of, diaper is good, no choking hazards, and I'm about to roll a joint. 1.3557 0.04693 194 144 31 19
314 Is it okay if Susie sleeps over? 1.3557 0.04636 194 143 33 18
315 Mom, why can't you be like other parents and just take away the keys to the car? 1.3557 0.04213 194 136 47 11
316 Don't let me oversleep. I have to brief the president in the morning. 1.3557 0.04749 194 145 29 20
317 When we said you could have your old room back after college, this isn't exactly what we meant. 1.3557 0.04636 194 143 33 18
318 I think you misunderstood me when I said I wanted my own crib. 1.3557 0.04399 194 139 41 14
319 Did you forget about my time-out? 1.3523 0.04470 193 140 38 15
320 I need my bottle now, perhaps a Merlot 1.3523 0.04470 193 140 38 15
321 When was the last time you checked on the baby? 1.3523 0.04762 193 145 28 20
322 No, not water...a drink. 1.3523 0.04589 193 142 34 17
323 Hold all my calls, clear my afternoon schedule, and . . . bring me by blankie. 1.3523 0.04409 193 139 40 14
324 millennial to mommy, over 1.3523 0.04470 193 140 38 15
325 And Tink — Cancel my 7:00 with Hook. And get some flowers for Wendy. 1.3508 0.04621 191 141 33 17
326 You probably should have splurged on that hormone free formula. 1.3508 0.04439 191 138 39 14
327 Don't you think I'm getting a little too old for a nightlight? 1.3508 0.04500 191 139 37 15
328 Your crib or mine? 1.3508 0.04376 191 137 41 13
329 I'm going to need you to push back my 10:00 with Timmy. 1.3508 0.04621 191 141 33 17
330 Mom, can you bring me a rum and coke? 1.3508 0.04248 191 135 45 11
331 It got weird last night. 1.3508 0.04500 191 139 37 15
332 Several things need changing. 1.3508 0.04910 191 146 23 22
333 Mom, would you bring me an Ambien and a shot of whiskey? 1.3508 0.04739 191 143 29 19
334 Hey Mom, better check to see if Dad put the baby in my bed. 1.3508 0.04500 191 139 37 15
335 Mom? Dad? Am I still on the waiting list for that perfect pre-school? 1.3508 0.04313 191 136 43 12
336 I suppose using the car tonight is out of the question? 1.3508 0.04313 191 136 43 12
337 Ground control to Major Mom. 1.3476 0.04687 187 139 31 17
338 Oedipus to Mom! Do you read me? 1.3474 0.04572 190 140 34 16
339 Siri, how do I get out? 1.3474 0.04810 190 144 26 20
340 Hey Siri, when does childhood end? 1.3474 0.04572 190 140 34 16
341 Hey Ma, could you bring me a beer? 1.3474 0.04633 190 141 32 17
342 Who's Mommy's sweet millennial? 1.3474 0.04511 190 139 36 15
343 Did I really sleep that long? 1.3474 0.04449 190 138 38 14
344 If I start paying rent can I have the bed back, Mom? 1.3474 0.04511 190 139 36 15
345 I'll stop acting like one when you stop treating me like one. 1.3474 0.04386 190 137 40 13
346 I'm starting to doubt this is how you play cribbage. 1.3457 0.04284 188 134 43 11
347 Is my time out over yet? I'm 23. 1.3457 0.04350 188 135 41 12
348 Now that I've been accepted to M.I.T., can I get a regular bed? 1.3457 0.04479 188 137 37 14
349 You should come over and check out my crib. 1.3457 0.04604 188 139 33 16
350 Party at my crib tonight. 1.3457 0.04726 188 141 29 18
351 Yes mom, all my college applications have been submitted. 1.3457 0.04415 188 136 39 13
352 I don't need the night light any more. 1.3457 0.04284 188 134 43 11
353 Does anyone know how long I've been asleep? 1.3457 0.04217 188 133 45 10
354 I had that nightmare about getting a job. 1.3457 0.04604 188 139 33 16
355 This is the last night I'm helping you with your empty nest regression therapy 1.3457 0.04415 188 136 39 13
356 Look, this diaper isn't going to change itself. 1.3457 0.04350 188 135 41 12
357 I'll grow up as soon as our president does. 1.3457 0.04604 188 139 33 16
358 Is Trump still President? 1.3457 0.04415 188 136 39 13
359 Mom, just how long is this "time out" going to be?! 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
360 How many more years of Time Out do I have left? 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
361 Ready for my cocoa. Shaken, not stirred. 1.3457 0.04604 188 139 33 16
362 Cappuccino, no foam. 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
363 Is Trump still President? 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
364 I should have known when he called me "baby" on our first date. 1.3457 0.04604 188 139 33 16
365 Wait... I thought that when I graduated from college I'd be living in the basement. 1.3457 0.04415 188 136 39 13
366 Mom? . . . Dad? . . . Anybody there? . . . 1.3422 0.04293 187 134 42 11
367 My diaper is not going to change itself. 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
368 I forgot my 'safe' word. 1.3387 0.04627 186 139 31 16
369 Can we at least stop calling this a 'baby' monitor? 1.3387 0.04233 186 133 43 10
370 I need my bottle. There should be a six-pack in the fridge. 1.3387 0.04301 186 134 41 11
371 I've got a girl coming over to see my crib. 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
372 This isn't what I meant by 'help me start over.' 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
373 Mommy, I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a beer? 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
374 Hey, mom, any word from Yale yet? 1.3387 0.04368 186 135 39 12
375 Don't forget, my college loan payment is due tomorrow. 1.3387 0.04022 186 130 49 7
376 Mom, would you bring in my teddy bear, and my notes for economics midterm? 1.3387 0.04368 186 135 39 12
377 Am I still grounded? 1.3387 0.04434 186 136 37 13
378 True, but I get to stay on my parents' insurance 'til I'm 26. 1.3387 0.04233 186 133 43 10
379 Honey, I think we are doing this baby bed-sharing incorrectly. 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
380 Mom, really, it's time to let go. 1.3387 0.04434 186 136 37 13
381 Remember my college applications are due tomorrow. 1.3387 0.04434 186 136 37 13
382 This is not what I meant when I said I need a little space. 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
383 Um, Mom? Was I not supposed to touch the bottle that said "Drink Me?" 1.3387 0.04751 186 141 27 18
384 Come on, I've been in this timeout forever! 1.3387 0.04627 186 139 31 16
385 Yes, I know we're married but my parents think maybe you shouldn't move in just yet! 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
386 Hang in there son; the Republicans will soon repeal Obamacare and you won't have to pretend you're under 26 anymore. 1.3387 0.04499 186 137 35 14
387 For the record I was pretty fussy around an hour ago 1.3370 0.04397 184 134 38 12
388 What? The preschool turned me down again? 1.3370 0.04785 184 140 26 18
389 Okay I'll get a job! 1.3370 0.04397 184 134 38 12
390 Ok, I am ready to leave my comfort zone. 1.3370 0.04660 184 138 30 16
391 I get it. You're upset that I'm leaving for college. 1.3370 0.04397 184 134 38 12
392 What's the safe word again, hun? 1.3370 0.04785 184 140 26 18
393 When does IKEA open tomorrow? 1.3370 0.04660 184 138 30 16
394 You know, maybe I shouldn't move back home after graduation. 1.3370 0.04260 184 132 42 10
395 Growth spurt, Mom. 1.3370 0.03971 184 128 50 6
396 OK, I'll get a job and move out! 1.3370 0.04723 184 139 28 17
397 Alexa, can I get out now? 1.3370 0.04968 184 143 20 21
398 "I think the human growth hormones are working". 1.3370 0.04190 184 131 44 9
399 Mom, what kind of mushroom was that? 1.3370 0.04530 184 136 34 14
400 But mom, millennials are staying at home longer than previous generations. 1.3370 0.04329 184 133 40 11
401 I will always be your baby. Can I get out now? 1.3370 0.04260 184 132 42 10
402 There's growth hormone in the baby formula. 1.3370 0.04530 184 136 34 14
403 I'll be out of here as soon as those manufacturing jobs come back. 1.3370 0.04464 184 135 36 13
404 Mom? Please bring me some cookies and a bottle of scotch. 1.3370 0.04595 184 137 32 15
405 Look at me, I'm HUGE. Tremendous. And one day, I'm going to be the President. 1.3351 0.04824 185 142 24 19
406 Could we just go back to having curfew? 1.3351 0.04241 185 133 42 10
407 But Mom, everyone else my age has a cell phone! 1.3333 0.04474 183 135 35 13
408 So this is part of my new health coverage up to age 26? 1.3333 0.04406 183 134 37 12
409 I'm old enough for a smart phone. 1.3333 0.04541 183 136 33 14
410 It's time for my bottle of wine. 1.3333 0.04671 183 138 29 16
411 So is there a time "in?" 1.3333 0.04406 183 134 37 12
412 Day 7: Still no figurative connection to my inner child. 1.3333 0.04338 183 133 39 11
413 What are you wearing? 1.3333 0.04474 183 135 35 13
414 Mom, I still have to go to college next year.. 1.3333 0.04474 183 135 35 13
415 Mom, you really have to stop treating me like a child. 1.3333 0.04541 183 136 33 14
416 Just how long is this time-out going to last, mother? 1.3315 0.04705 181 137 28 16
417 Um, I was thinking more the basement? 1.3315 0.04366 181 132 38 11
418 Well, of course she had a c-section. 1.3295 0.04729 176 133 28 15
419 What have you been putting in my formula? 1.3278 0.04230 180 130 41 9
420 86 the bottle. Make it a large pepperoni and a Bud. 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
421 Hi Mom I don't need a night light anymore 1.3278 0.04156 180 129 43 8
422 Mom, am I still covered under your insurance? 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
423 My 401K needs changing. 1.3278 0.04781 180 138 25 17
424 At what point do we stop calling this thing a "baby" monitor? 1.3278 0.04230 180 130 41 9
425 Mom, I need you to come pick me up. 1.3278 0.04445 180 133 35 12
426 Tell them I'm working from my safe space today. 1.3278 0.04716 180 137 27 16
427 Who says you can't go home again? 1.3278 0.04156 180 129 43 8
428 Mom, I'm starting to think you're over-protective. 1.3278 0.04375 180 132 37 11
429 Come on over and check out my new crib. 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
430 Beer. No nipple. 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
431 So, yeah, like, could you just like fill out the job application for me? 1.3278 0.04514 180 134 33 13
432 Then when can Suzie come for a sleep-over? 1.3278 0.04375 180 132 37 11
433 I thought you said, "You'd be right back"! 1.3278 0.04230 180 130 41 9
434 Mom, all of my friends were allowed to move into the basement after college! 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
435 Wendy, I don't think Peter is coming 1.3278 0.04650 180 136 29 15
436 Child to Helicopter Parent. Come in, Helicopter Parent. 1.3258 0.04475 178 132 34 12
437 Guess who got their old bed back? 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
438 Mama, what exactly was the "formula" in that last bottle? 1.3258 0.04404 178 131 36 11
439 Mom..? I REALLY overslept this time. 1.3258 0.04683 178 135 28 15
440 Am I still on a time out? 1.3258 0.04615 178 134 30 14
441 Mom, are you listening? I said I think it's time I moved out. 1.3258 0.04683 178 135 28 15
442 Are they ever coming back? 1.3258 0.04683 178 135 28 15
443 Waa. Over. 1.3258 0.04615 178 134 30 14
444 The genie blew it. On my third and final wish, I asked for a luxury crib fit for a rock star. 1.3258 0.04751 178 136 26 16
445 Yes Mom, I get your hint that you want grandchildren soon. 1.3220 0.04555 177 133 31 13
446 Sorry honey, we donated all your big boy stuff, but you're welcome to stay as long as you need. 1.3220 0.04829 177 137 23 17
447 Siri, why am I in this crib? 1.3220 0.04694 177 135 27 15
448 How's about a bottle of beer and a warm blankie? 1.3220 0.04484 177 132 33 12
449 Their parents haven't come back yet, but I'm safe from the kids. 1.3220 0.04762 177 136 25 16
450 The least you could do would be to rub whiskey on my gums. 1.3220 0.04032 177 126 45 6
451 Mom, is there a student loan officer under my bed? 1.3220 0.04762 177 136 25 16
452 I promise I won't grow up to be a millennial. 1.3220 0.04264 177 129 39 9
453 How soon before you finish reading that Dr. Spock book? 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
454 This demeans us both, over. 1.3200 0.04728 175 134 26 15
455 Moving back in with Mom and Dad is really infantilizing. 1.3200 0.04442 175 130 34 11
456 If I pay rent can I have my big boy bed? 1.3200 0.04587 175 132 30 13
457 I just feel like I'm growing up too fast. 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
458 Ok. I'll look for a job tomorrow if you let me sleep in a big-boy bed. 1.3200 0.04658 175 133 28 14
459 If I hadn't wasted time on that Masters in English I'd be in a bunk bed by now. 1.3200 0.04797 175 135 24 16
460 ...but I get to stay covered by my parents' health insurance! 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
461 If I do this they'll let me stay on your insurance? 1.3200 0.04728 175 134 26 15
462 I'm calling to report a case of arrested adolescence. 1.3200 0.04658 175 133 28 14
463 If you let me out, I promise to get my own health insurance. 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
464 The upside is kindergarten is going to be a breeze. 1.3200 0.04292 175 128 38 9
465 Goodnight moon Goodnight oil tycoon Goodnight DAPL And the EPA Goodnight Obamacare Good night voices everywhere 1.3200 0.04932 175 137 20 18
466 You know you can't actually ground me for my whole life, right? 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
467 It's been 10 years. Is anybody there? 1.3200 0.04797 175 135 24 16
468 Yeah.... my therapist said I need to embrace my inner child.... 1.3200 0.04587 175 132 30 13
469 You guys have to stop babying me. 1.3200 0.04367 175 129 36 10
470 Um, Mom, if you ever take a break from Facebook, I think I'm ready for a big-kid bed. 1.3200 0.04442 175 130 34 11
471 Okay, I'm ready! The safe word is 'Pampers.' 1.3200 0.04658 175 133 28 14
472 Mom, Dad, hold it down in there... I can hear everything. 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
473 Sorry I can't join the protest, I'm in time out. 1.3200 0.04367 175 129 36 10
474 Childhood isn't as good as I remember. 1.3200 0.04442 175 130 34 11
475 If anyone's listening, this is day 57, year 13. I am still trapped. I have found no escape. 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
476 If you're listing, Mom—I'm starting to reconsider moving back-in. 1.3200 0.04442 175 130 34 11
477 Hello, Mom, could you bring me a beer? 1.3200 0.04797 175 135 24 16
478 Testing, goo, goo, gaa, gaa. 1.3200 0.04728 175 134 26 15
479 Mom, would you bring me my participation trophy? 1.3200 0.04999 175 138 18 19
480 Hey Dad, can I borrow the car? 1.3200 0.04442 175 130 34 11
481 I think I'm old enough for vodka and a therapist now. 1.3182 0.04116 176 127 42 7
482 Warm milk sounds great...and a Xanax. 1.3182 0.04705 176 135 26 15
483 What a nap! Who's president? 1.3161 0.04809 174 135 23 16
484 I really had no idea that having a baby would change our relationship so drastically. 1.3161 0.04669 174 133 27 14
485 Mom! Dad! I am pretty sure that now that I have graduated from college, I am supposed to be in your basement. 1.3161 0.04375 174 129 35 10
486 Can I get a double expresso with extra milk? 1.3161 0.04597 174 132 29 13
487 any chance you forgot about me up here 1.3161 0.04220 174 127 39 8
488 Looking for binkie. Over. 1.3161 0.04141 174 126 41 7
489 Honey, I just don't think role playing is my thing 1.3161 0.04739 174 134 25 15
490 Mommy, what's a helicopter parent? 1.3161 0.04878 174 136 21 17
491 Mom, for my generation it's totally normal to live at home until I'm at least 35. 1.3161 0.04298 174 128 37 9
492 No, you're being childish! 1.3141 0.04530 156 115 33 8
493 Can you hear me now? My voice has changed. 1.3140 0.04404 172 128 34 10
494 I'm thirsty, can you bring me a beer? 1.3140 0.04556 172 130 30 12
495 Hello, room service? 1.3140 0.04703 172 132 26 14
496 I'm grounded, and won't be able to make Happy Hour. 1.3140 0.04326 172 127 36 9
497 911? Help! I'm being held prisoner by overprotective parents. 1.3140 0.04630 172 131 28 13
498 The only downside to living rent free with my parents is mandatory nap time. 1.3140 0.04630 172 131 28 13
499 Stop calling me a big baby! 1.3140 0.04845 172 134 22 16
500 This call may be recorded for training purposes. 1.3140 0.04326 172 127 36 9
501 I'll look for a job in the morning. 1.3140 0.04084 172 124 42 6
502 You do know that 'sleep like a baby' is just an expression? 1.3140 0.04481 172 129 32 11
503 It's not as relaxing as I remember. 1.3140 0.04166 172 125 40 7
504 Mom, a growth spurt is putting it mildly. 1.3140 0.04247 172 126 38 8
505 Hey dude, you've gotta come check out my new crib. 1.3140 0.04247 172 126 38 8
506 Yo, bro. In my crib. Chillin. 1.3140 0.04556 172 130 30 12
507 Mom, Dad, you wanna hold it down in there. 1.3140 0.04703 172 132 26 14
508 ...and tomorrow can you tell my professor that I really feel like I deserve an A 1.3140 0.04915 172 135 20 17
509 How about just hanging out with me in my crib tonight? 1.3140 0.04326 172 127 36 9
510 Mother? Have you finished filling out my job applications yet? 1.3140 0.04774 172 133 24 15
511 I could use a change. 1.3140 0.04481 172 129 32 11
512 Mom, I was thinking...could you go in tomorrow and defend my dissertation? 1.3140 0.04247 172 126 38 8
513 Mom said she’d come check on me, but that was 2009. 1.3140 0.04630 172 131 28 13
514 'I woke up a long time ago.' 1.3140 0.04404 172 128 34 10
515 Mocha frappuccino venti, Mommy, please. 1.3140 0.04556 172 130 30 12
516 I think I'm overdue for an upgrade. 1.3140 0.04166 172 125 40 7
517 Have we heard from Harvard yet? 1.3140 0.04247 172 126 38 8
518 Mother, I'm sorry I called you controlling. 1.3140 0.04481 172 129 32 11
519 Mom, can I borrow the car tomorrow night? 1.3140 0.04404 172 128 34 10
520 I'm STILL not sleepy. 1.3140 0.04915 172 135 20 17
521 How long am I grounded? Over. 1.3140 0.04084 172 124 42 6
522 Hey, Mom, do you think I could stay in a dorm next semester? 1.3140 0.04326 172 127 36 9
523 This Airbnb is pretty childish. 1.3140 0.04556 172 130 30 12
524 Mom? I think I might literally be growing up too fast. 1.3140 0.04481 172 129 32 11
525 How long IS this time out?...feels like it's been years. 1.3140 0.04326 172 127 36 9
526 Mom, are my college essays finished? Over. 1.3140 0.04774 172 133 24 15
527 You know grandpa and grandma used to play outside... by themselves... completely unsupervised, right? 1.3140 0.04556 172 130 30 12
528 How are my college applications coming along? 1.3140 0.04404 172 128 34 10
529 I'd like a turkey sandwich and student loan forgiveness, over. 1.3140 0.04247 172 126 38 8
530 I know the book says to leave the baby in his crib until he stops complaining, but isn't this getting ridiculous? 1.3140 0.04630 172 131 28 13
531 This has been like a really long Time-Out... 1.3140 0.04404 172 128 34 10
532 Can I crawl in with you guys? I had a bad dream about college. 1.3140 0.04404 172 128 34 10
533 "hanging at your crib" isn't as exciting as I thought it would be 1.3121 0.04607 173 132 28 13
534 Mom, where do post-millennials come from? 1.3121 0.04820 173 135 22 16
535 But Mom, you said you would be right back! 1.3121 0.04679 173 133 26 14
536 Hey Dad, it's Donnie. Can I borrow just one million to buy some Manhattan real estate? 1.3099 0.04785 171 133 23 15
537 Uber ... I'll be in pajamas, stars and moons. 1.3099 0.04333 171 127 35 9
538 Can I cancel next month's growth hormone shipment? 1.3099 0.04785 171 133 23 15
539 Yeah, let's do lunch tomorrow at the sandbox. 1.3099 0.04253 171 126 37 8
540 Remember, kids, you can stay five forever and still be president! 1.3099 0.04713 171 132 25 14
541 Well I guess technically the airbnb ad was correct; this place could sleep three. 1.3099 0.04489 171 129 31 11
542 This is my son, he's 298 months old..." 1.3099 0.04565 171 130 29 12
543 Mom, Dad ... I think we have overslept 1.3077 0.04441 169 127 32 10
544 No, actually I feel less safe. 1.3077 0.04821 169 132 22 15
545 Are you sure my time out isn't over? 1.3077 0.04361 169 126 34 9
546 Do you think that you have it bad? My parents treat me like a baby. 1.3077 0.04597 169 129 28 12
547 Now can I stay on my parents' health insurance? 1.3077 0.04597 169 129 28 12
548 I'm in. They suspect nothing, I mean, Goo-ga. Goo-ga. 1.3077 0.04196 169 124 38 7
549 Did you finish my college applications? 1.3077 0.04441 169 127 32 10
550 When you said I can stay at your"crib" this is not what I had in mind. 1.3077 0.04597 169 129 28 12
551 I'm not being cranky, Mom. I just think it's time for a big-boy bed. 1.3077 0.04441 169 127 32 10
552 How about if I promise not to mention the President for a full week? 1.3077 0.04673 169 130 26 13
553 No, not milk, but I would like a bottle. 1.3077 0.04520 169 128 30 11
554 If only I'd been born on March 1st... 1.3077 0.04894 169 133 20 16
555 I don't care if it's another 10 years...I still won't eat kale. 1.3077 0.04520 169 128 30 11
556 Pat, please tell the Board of Directors that I am ready to apologize. 1.3077 0.04673 169 130 26 13
557 Helicopter Mom are you there? Over 1.3077 0.04673 169 130 26 13
558 Okay honey I've learned my lesson, can I at least move back to the couch now? 1.3077 0.04520 169 128 30 11
559 I'm not only still breathing, mom and dad, I'm 23 years old. 1.3077 0.04894 169 133 20 16
560 You guys never let me do ANYTHING! Billy's parents let HIM out 11 years ago!! 1.3077 0.04520 169 128 30 11
561 I'm past the difficult years. Can I come out now? 1.3077 0.04361 169 126 34 9
562 Mom, Dad, I wish you hadn't keep the room the way you remember it. 1.3077 0.04673 169 130 26 13
563 Mommy, I need my pacifier...or some weed. 1.3077 0.04597 169 129 28 12
564 Earth to overprotective parents. Earth to overprotective parents. 1.3077 0.04673 169 130 26 13
565 Mom, I really don't need a nightlight. Quit coddling me. 1.3077 0.04280 169 125 36 8
566 Babe, how many more parenting classes are left? 1.3077 0.04673 169 130 26 13
567 So I decided, if the president can act like an overgrown baby, why shouldn't I? 1.3077 0.04821 169 132 22 15
568 20 years for a time out seems a bit excessive 1.3077 0.04520 169 128 30 11
569 I'm not leaving my bed until Trump is gone and the world is SAFE again. 1.3036 0.04683 168 130 25 13
570 Mom, I'm thirsty...but this time, could you make it on the rocks, and use the good cherries? 1.3036 0.04606 168 129 27 12
571 It's time for my 2:00 a.m. feeding--how about pizza? 1.3036 0.04448 168 127 31 10
572 I know you can hear me.. 1.3012 0.04639 166 128 26 12
573 I'm don't feel that regressive therapy is working for me. 1.3012 0.04479 166 126 30 10
574 Quit treating me like a baby! I'm 216 months old! 1.3012 0.04869 166 131 20 15
575 Mom, Dad, I sure hope you are saving up for my therapy. 1.3012 0.04051 166 121 40 5
576 Am I grounded for my life or yours? 1.3012 0.04639 166 128 26 12
577 Son to Mother! I'm over my terrible two's. 1.3012 0.04140 166 122 38 6
578 I'm just waiting for my parents to come pick me up 1.3012 0.04559 166 127 28 11
579 I'm staying here until the Trump presidency is over. 1.3012 0.04479 166 126 30 10
580 No, but you have given me a great topic for my college admission essay. 1.3012 0.04559 166 127 28 11
581 20 is the new 0. 1.3012 0.04869 166 131 20 15
582 Tell me the one again with the 'Debt-free Graduate and the Rent Controlled Apartment.' 1.3012 0.04479 166 126 30 10
583 Stop treating me like a child! 1.3012 0.04869 166 131 20 15
584 Is time-out going to be over soon? 1.3012 0.04479 166 126 30 10
585 I know why the caged bird sings. 1.3012 0.04639 166 128 26 12
586 Let's just say that I think I've hit a bit of a growth spurt. 1.3012 0.04639 166 128 26 12
587 I am not a big baby! 1.3012 0.04639 166 128 26 12
588 I have a doctorate in sociology. I think I'm ready for a big boy bed. 1.2994 0.04768 167 131 22 14
589 Mom, come quick! Growth spurt! 1.2994 0.04536 167 128 28 11
590 Good News, Mom - I'm born again! 1.2976 0.04590 168 130 26 12
591 Just how long AM I grounded? 1.2970 0.04486 165 126 29 10
592 This administration has aged us all. 1.2970 0.04804 165 130 21 14
593 Get the stroller and meet me out back 1.2970 0.04403 165 125 31 9
594 Wait. I've been asleep for how long? 1.2970 0.04403 165 125 31 9
595 My parents are pretending it's the beginning of the Obama Administration. 1.2970 0.04880 165 131 19 15
596 Mom, did you remember to send in my college applications? 1.2970 0.04231 165 123 35 7
597 Two eggs,scrambled.Coffee,black 1.2970 0.04726 165 129 23 13
598 Dear Diary....I just thought I'd be further along by now 1.2970 0.04318 165 124 33 8
599 I'd like to report a robbery. Someone has taken my childhood. 1.2970 0.04567 165 127 27 11
600 I am working from home today. 1.2970 0.04143 165 122 37 6
601 I know I am 35 and don't have a job, but I find this a little passive aggressive. 1.2970 0.04567 165 127 27 11
602 You know what they say 23 is the new three 1.2970 0.04726 165 129 23 13
603 When you said I could crash at your crib, I had the MTV version in my mind. 1.2970 0.04486 165 126 29 10
604 I must have fallen asleep. 1.2970 0.04486 165 126 29 10
605 Mom, Dad...I appreciate you trying to keep me on your health coverage, but... 1.2970 0.04318 165 124 33 8
606 Mom, when can I move into the basement? 1.2970 0.04318 165 124 33 8
607 Please let me out Mom...I'm going to miss my job interview. 1.2970 0.04486 165 126 29 10
608 I should have been more specific when I asked my parents for a pen. 1.2970 0.04567 165 127 27 11
609 This isn't what I had in mind when you told me to call you "Mommy" 1.2970 0.04880 165 131 19 15
610 I don't understand--why can't you go to the job interview for me? 1.2970 0.04726 165 129 23 13
611 Hey, gang, my crib tonight or yours? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
612 Just checking in to see how that IKEA toddler bed is going. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
613 So how is this going to work next year when I'm away at college? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
614 You were supposed to be out of your crib after 24 MONTHS, not YEARS. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
615 Baby to Mommy: There is definitely some kind of growth hormone in the milk. 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
616 What do you mean, act your age? 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
617 Could you throw a little Kahlua into that milk? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
618 Oh all right! You're my daddy. Happy now? 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
619 Can you hear me now? 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
620 Mom, Dad, have you ever thought you may be a tad overprotective? 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
621 It's not the bed in this B&B i'm worried about, Terry. It's the breakfast. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
622 I can’t sleep, Mom. Please text me a story. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
623 It's just a really tough job market for recent grads right now. 1.2945 0.03982 163 119 40 4
624 Day 2. The bottle said 'Drink me.' 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
625 Okay, I'm ready to act like a big boy now. 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
626 They suspect nothing. 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
627 Mom, so far Harvard's just like you described it. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
628 Mom...can you call my boss and tell him I'm not feeling well please? 1.2945 0.04761 163 128 22 13
629 Hey Mom, you know that time machine I was telling you about? 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
630 Sorry, I know being a Leap Year Baby sucks now, but one day you'll appreciate it. 1.2945 0.04840 163 129 20 14
631 Mom?...Dad?...Is there anyone there? It's me...Barron. 1.2945 0.04761 163 128 22 13
632 Is he still president? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
633 College is great, Mom! Plenty of trigger warnings and a nice, cozy dorm room. 1.2945 0.04840 163 129 20 14
634 Is my time out over? 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
635 Is this a bad time to tell you my girlfriend’s pregnant? 1.2945 0.04840 163 129 20 14
636 Yeah, Mom - more than a little over protective. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
637 Hey Mom, Is my timeout over ? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
638 Mom, stop treating me like a baby. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
639 You said you'd be right back, 12 years ago. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
640 Hey Mom, I have my LSAT tomorrow. Can you wake me early? 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
641 This mission might go wrong, sir. My cover's gonna get blown sooner or later. 1.2945 0.04681 163 127 24 12
642 Climb out of your crib and get your own glass of water! 1.2945 0.04600 163 126 26 11
643 Hey Mom -- I need a ride to work. 1.2927 0.04408 164 125 30 9
644 I think they're on to me. 1.2927 0.04323 164 124 32 8
645 I needed to find my inner child. 1.2919 0.04462 161 123 29 9
646 Can you bring the financials with my milk? 1.2901 0.04438 162 124 29 9
647 Alright Helen, I take it back. I'm not jealous of the baby. 1.2901 0.04438 162 124 29 9
648 This isn't exactly what I meant when I asked to move back into my old room, but since I'm here how about those milk and cookies? 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
649 Failure to launch 1.2901 0.04607 162 126 25 11
650 HELLO. Mom. Dad. Anybody there? I promise, I will start my job search just as soon as I get out of here. 1.2901 0.04350 162 123 31 8
651 Not only is this unnecessary, Mom, but you'll never get Mexico to pay for it. 1.2901 0.04771 162 128 21 13
652 Thomas Wolfe just may have been right. 1.2901 0.04771 162 128 21 13
653 I'm not being childish. I just can't move out of Manhattan right now. 1.2901 0.04607 162 126 25 11
654 I know why the caged bird sings. 1.2901 0.04690 162 127 23 12
655 Sure, when I can afford it, I'd love to have my own crib. 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
656 Sweetheart, next time please read the Airbnb listing a little more carefully. 1.2901 0.04690 162 127 23 12
657 Bring my stroller...and a latté. 1.2901 0.04607 162 126 25 11
658 I know I said that I want my own crib... 1.2901 0.04350 162 123 31 8
659 Mom, it's time for my 2 a.m. twitter feed. 1.2901 0.04607 162 126 25 11
660 How about you come over to my crib and chill tonight? 1.2901 0.04350 162 123 31 8
661 Hello, room service? 1.2901 0.04438 162 124 29 9
662 I can't fall asleep with you constantly listening. 1.2901 0.04350 162 123 31 8
663 If you did this to Fluffy, the ASPCA would be all over you. 1.2901 0.04771 162 128 21 13
664 Donald J. Trump, Age 15 1.2901 0.04690 162 127 23 12
665 Okay, Mom, I get your point ... moving back in requires chipping in. 1.2901 0.04438 162 124 29 9
666 Well, then could I have a gin and tonic? 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
667 I'm onto you, mom & dad. There no such thing as "alternative beds". 1.2901 0.04607 162 126 25 11
668 Mom, do you think we could back off a little on the parental controls? 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
669 The after-party starts at midnight. My crib 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
670 Hey, Mommy, what's human growth hormone? 1.2875 0.04640 160 125 24 11
671 Mom, do I get my own room when I graduate from Stanford? 1.2875 0.04379 160 122 30 8
672 I forgot my safe word, can we start over? 1.2875 0.04640 160 125 24 11
673 FYI: I'm not moving out, and you can't make me. 1.2875 0.04468 160 123 28 9
674 When you said you were into baby talk this wasn’t what I had in mind. 1.2875 0.04888 160 128 18 14
675 I said I was sorry like a million years ago. 1.2875 0.04468 160 123 28 9
676 No, not formula, beer. 1.2875 0.04640 160 125 24 11
677 Hello? Anyone? Has Trump issued an Executive Order dismantling No Child Left Behind? 1.2875 0.04555 160 124 26 10
678 But you have to let me out -- I won the Election! 1.2875 0.04967 160 129 16 15
679 Young Trump 4 am Tweet, "TREMENDOUS BEDWETTING, THE GREATEST, NO QUESTION." 1.2875 0.04807 160 127 20 13
680 Can you bring me a scotch? 1.2875 0.04640 160 125 24 11
681 You forgot to tuck me in 1.2875 0.04555 160 124 26 10
682 Honey, your father and I owe you an apology, we may have let you over-sleep. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
683 Wanna hang out at my crib or yours ? 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
684 When you bring my bottle this time make it a Bud. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
685 Could we meet at your place? I'm a little penned in. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
686 It's a go. I'm breaking out of the pen tonight. 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
687 Mom, is quiet time over yet? It's been a while. 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
688 Sleeping like a baby's not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
689 I'm not leaving as long as Donald Trump is president. 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
690 But Mommy, I need my blankie--it's finals week! 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
691 Don't you think I'm old enough to sleep without this nightlight on? 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
692 I pooped again. Over. 1.2830 0.04648 159 125 23 11
693 Mommy, I want a glass of merlot. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
694 Sell the Amazon stock, move it into CXW and bring me my bottle. 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
695 "You can't baby me forever," wasn't a challenge, Mom. 1.2830 0.04816 159 127 19 13
696 After tonight, no more Fetish Fridays. 1.2830 0.04816 159 127 19 13
697 But my girl friend can take me. She drives. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
698 I'm ready to move to the basement. 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
699 Your Father and I are right here. Now, go to sleep. You have your boards tomorrow. 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
700 Mommy, 'nuther growth spurt! 1.2830 0.04648 159 125 23 11
701 Yeah mom I'm doing fine at college, don't worry. I even got my own crib. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
702 You wanna come over to my crib? 1.2830 0.04732 159 126 21 12
703 Just a reminder that you have 10 minutes before my next feeding. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
704 Mummy? Davy wants a martini. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
705 Mom, any news on my appeal? 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
706 So unfair! Joey was allowed to move to a big boy bed when he turned 14. 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
707 Wanna hang at my crib tonight? 1.2830 0.04198 159 120 33 6
708 Is time out over? I'm 20 now. 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
709 Is my time out over yet? 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
710 ...and I think it's time I met some girls, too. 1.2830 0.04383 159 122 29 8
711 This is not my idea of role playing! 1.2830 0.04898 159 128 17 14
712 ...until eighteen MONTHS. 1.2830 0.04648 159 125 23 11
713 When I said I wanted to go back to a simpler time I didn't mean this! 1.2830 0.04102 159 119 35 5
714 Mom, who is The Donald and why is he tweeting me? 1.2830 0.04732 159 126 21 12
715 Mom, can you bring me a bottle? Vodkas's fine. 1.2830 0.04383 159 122 29 8
716 I'll have the Gerber's Alfredo, please. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
717 We need to talk about being 'the baby in the family'. 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
718 Really! I'm still grounded! 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
719 I know, your house, your rules, but... 1.2803 0.04593 157 123 24 10
720 Hey MOM!, I'm up...can you bring me a double shot, half caff, ristretto, venti, 4-pump, sugar free, cinnamon, dolce vanilla soy, no-foam, skinny latte 1.2803 0.04768 157 125 20 12
721 Not the role playing I had in mind. 1.2803 0.04681 157 124 22 11
722 I really should have my own bed and an Iphone by now. 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
723 Is anyone listening? 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
724 Maybe my shrink was speaking figuratively. 1.2803 0.04223 157 119 32 6
725 So, mommy, have we heard back from any of the colleges I applied to? 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
726 I'm trying to communicate with my 'inner child'. 1.2803 0.04593 157 123 24 10
727 Is this your way of telling me I'm not welcomed back home? 1.2803 0.04593 157 123 24 10
728 Can I order a pizza with this thing? 1.2803 0.04593 157 123 24 10
729 I figured that method-acting may help me understand the mindset of our president a little bit better. 1.2803 0.04852 157 126 18 13
730 Warm almond milk and my completed college application essays please. 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
731 I'm not coming out until the 2020 elections. 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
732 I guess this is you both being passive-aggessive about me moving back home. 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
733 All things being equal, I prefer the swear jar! 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
734 Still cheaper than a dorm room. 1.2803 0.04125 157 118 34 5
735 I'll be down in a minute, honey; I am still checking in with my inner child. 1.2803 0.04503 157 122 26 9
736 I'd like to make dinner reservatuons for two, for tomorrow, for when the big hand is on the 12, and the little hand on the 7. 1.2803 0.04223 157 119 32 6
737 This is your millennial wakeup call. 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
738 Did I miss school.....I mean all of it? 1.2803 0.04125 157 118 34 5
739 Mommy, I'm at the "safe space" in my dorm. 1.2803 0.04852 157 126 18 13
740 Ok, I'll stop "acting like a baby." Can I come back to bed, now? 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
741 you'll never win the cartoon caption contest in the New Yorker, go to bed! 1.2785 0.04567 158 124 24 10
742 Can I have a glass of vodka? 1.2785 0.04478 158 123 26 9
743 Please add some more scotch to my bottle tonight. 1.2756 0.04776 156 125 19 12
744 Just checking in again on how much you've saved for college. 1.2756 0.04125 156 118 33 5
745 I already searched Ancestry.com, it has to be from your side of the family 1.2756 0.05110 156 129 11 16
746 Not now Mom, I'm filming an episode of Cribs. 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
747 Hey, Siri. How can I grow up and leave home? 1.2756 0.04688 156 124 21 11
748 This micro apartment courtesy of Air B&B-Y. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
749 Peter Pan to Wendy, do you copy? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
750 Mom? Dad? Mr. Serling? 1.2756 0.04125 156 118 33 5
751 I Think I'm Old Enough For A Later Bed Time 1.2756 0.04125 156 118 33 5
752 I am the only one in pre-school who can slam dunk. 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
753 Okay, Professor, the time machine is back up and running. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
754 Honey, I had something different in mind when you said "role play." 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
755 So.... my parents aren't home if you wanna come stop by my crib 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
756 What do you mean. "I'm acting like a two year old?" 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
757 Mom, I have a Master's Degree. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
758 Mom, is he still the president? Can I come out? 1.2756 0.04776 156 125 19 12
759 Mom or Dad, could you bring me a beer. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
760 Dear, just because I threw up and wet myself after the party doesn't mean I deserve this. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
761 Mom? Dad? You know I can hear you with this thing, and now I understand what you are doing 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
762 Uh, hello..I'm still waiting to be changed. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
763 It's not working. I still feel old. 1.2756 0.04125 156 118 33 5
764 I'm getting too old for this. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
765 These aren't the types of bars I had in mind. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
766 Hey Mom ! Don't forget your driving me to work tomorrow ! 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
767 Mom, what time is graduation again? 1.2756 0.04688 156 124 21 11
768 Wake up, Mom. It's time for college. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
769 Not exactly what I meant by 'retro'. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
770 Mom, now that I have my license, don't you think it's time for a car bed? 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
771 You know I start college in a month. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
772 Hey Mom is the time out up yet? 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
773 No, I don't want the meal deal. Just the sippy cup. 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
774 Wake up, Sweetie. Time to go to college. 1.2756 0.04688 156 124 21 11
775 Pick up another 500 shares of Facebook at the open. 1.2756 0.04024 156 117 35 4
776 Toddler-One to Helicopter Mom, I think I’m ready for a change. Over. 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
777 Do you really think this will qualify me as your dependent now that my health insurance is being cancelled? 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
778 The dorm's great, just like home. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
779 Why did we ever move into this New York apartment? *** PLEASE NOTE: Submitted on behalf of my 10 year old son - Nathan Toby Neulander 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
780 Mom, I grew up. Can I come out now? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
781 Mom, I'm 21 now. Make it a White Russian. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
782 Twenty-two is the new two, Mom. 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
783 Mommy ! Is my Timeout over yet ? 1.2756 0.04688 156 124 21 11
784 My mom said since I wasn’t going to give her grandchildren, I would have to do. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
785 Is that enough time-out? 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
786 Mom? I think I've outgrown the night light... 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
787 Just tell the professor I'm in a safe space. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
788 Mom, the whole Peter Pan thing? I'm over it. I DO want to grow up! 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
789 Remember 2 olives! 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
790 Ba ba goo goo. Over. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
791 I am done reliving my childhood. Can you come pick me up? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
792 You win - I'll use the toilet. 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
793 Check out my sweet crib. 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
794 The doctor says that he is right on track for a millennial. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
795 Can I get that sippy cup to go? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
796 I'm thinking Enfamil and Netflix. You? 1.2756 0.04688 156 124 21 11
797 My parents said they would be right back, but it seems like they have been gone a long time. 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
798 I'm sorry about this weekend, but I'm SOoo Grounded!! 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
799 Mom, Dad - I'm ready for college now. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
800 This is not what I was expecting when you said "let's go back to my crib". 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
801 Is that you, Mom? I can hear you breathing. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
802 How long do I have to stay in timeout? 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
803 Yo, I'm gonna chill out in my own crib tonight 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
804 I can't seem to find my inner child. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
805 Well I wouldn't say wet, just damp. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
806 Mom, how much longer is my time-out going to last? 1.2727 0.04899 154 125 16 13
807 How many more gap years before kindergarten? 1.2727 0.04249 154 118 30 6
808 OK, I'm in my safe space. Go ahead Professor. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
809 Mommy, Daddy yelled at me to get a job! 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
810 ...but I'm finally out of the car seat. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
811 I'm ready to run for president 1.2727 0.04632 154 122 22 10
812 Any one there? It's been awhile. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
813 I'm a Baby Roomer. 1.2727 0.04632 154 122 22 10
814 Mom, I'm still waiting for you to fill out my college applications. 1.2727 0.04632 154 122 22 10
815 Hey Mom, could you text my friends that there's a party in my crib tonight. 1.2727 0.04811 154 124 18 12
816 Just finishing my crib notes. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
817 Mom? Dad? Come in. I’ve decided I am too old... for a night light. Over. 1.2727 0.04632 154 122 22 10
818 Mom...you know that growth hormone you gave me? 1.2727 0.04148 154 117 32 5
819 At this rate, I'll be 30 before you let me drive. 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
820 Do we need the Child Care Credit this badly? 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
821 I promise I'll stop calling it my crib and you my old lady. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
822 Either my PJs shrank or I'm ready to start dating. 1.2727 0.04148 154 117 32 5
823 Mom . . . Dad . . . you've made your point! 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
824 Are you guys done having sex, yet? 1.2727 0.04899 154 125 16 13
825 I’m beginning to believe that “until fourth birthday” may not apply to those born on February 29th. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
826 Are you there, mom? I need a diaper change. And a beer. 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
827 I'm ready to say I'm sorry now, Mommy. 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
828 I get that you're not ready to have a teenager, but I need a ride to the school dance in an hour. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
829 Is this time out about over ? 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
830 Wow! This call center has me on hold forever. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
831 No, why don’t you quit acting like a baby? 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
832 It's my turn to chant 'lock her up' and your turn to be Hillary. 1.2727 0.04722 154 123 20 11
833 Mom, come quick! I just had a very weird dream. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
834 No, not Pampers. I said I need change. 1.2710 0.04605 155 123 22 10
835 I'd go to class but I'm afraid I might be treated like an adult. 1.2680 0.04448 153 120 25 8
836 Mom? I'm having that dream again. 1.2680 0.04350 153 119 27 7
837 Why does this always happen when I come and visit mom and dad? 1.2680 0.04043 153 116 33 4
838 You win, I'll do my homework. 1.2680 0.04448 153 120 25 8
839 I could get out if I wanted to, but I don't want to. 1.2680 0.04350 153 119 27 7
840 College is great Mom and I'm in my safe place. 1.2680 0.04250 153 118 29 6
841 Hey, I asked for that binky and an ashtray ten minutes ago. 1.2680 0.04448 153 120 25 8
842 Now you come in and pretend you're my Mommy 1.2680 0.04148 153 117 31 5
843 Hey, baby. You up? 1.2680 0.04250 153 118 29 6
844 Hey, Mom, I was just kidding. I didn't vote for him." "Hey mom, I was just kidding. I didn't vote for him. 1.2680 0.04729 153 123 19 11
845 Ready to negotiate bedtime. Over. 1.2680 0.04250 153 118 29 6
846 Mom -- you didn't look up 'crib' in the Urban Dictionary like I suggested, did you? 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
847 Either I've been abandonned or these batteries are dead 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
848 Okay Google, play Rock-a-bye-baby. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
849 Yes, Sweetheart, I promise to stop acting childish. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
850 How many more years for my time-out? 1.2649 0.04171 151 116 30 5
851 But I don't want to grow up. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
852 Hey guys, I've got a diaper update. You're probably not going to like it. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
853 It's been 12 years. Could you stop relying on the baby monitor and check on me in person? 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
854 Ok Mom, I'll stop using word crib for my apartment 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
855 Earth visitor to mother ship: they're very accommodating, but they want us to start their life cycle from the beginning. Food's oddly satisfying. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
856 College dorm life, 2017. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
857 Mom, come quick! I'm big now. 1.2649 0.04670 151 121 20 10
858 I'd like to negotiate early release from time out. 1.2649 0.04064 151 115 32 4
859 Mom, I'm getting the feeling that I'm missing out on something. Over. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
860 Can you put Mom on? 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
861 Yea, I'm a total babe. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
862 Please have Ivanka meet me in the situation room. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
863 Dad, I've learned my lesson and am ready to take over the family business. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
864 You awake, guys? I think we need to talk. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
865 And another thing, from now on I want store-bought milk. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
866 No, Mom, I'm not complaining.... Yes, I DO appreciate your letting me move back home. But seriously, no wi-fi? 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
867 Seriously, Mom I AM the President! 1.2649 0.04670 151 121 20 10
868 Batteries must be flat. I've been trying to get their attention for twelve years. 1.2649 0.04764 151 122 18 11
869 I'm adopted? 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
870 Oh yeah, Dad? At least I can see the cage I'm in. 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
871 Applesauce to start; Peanut butter and jelly on rye for my entrée and a large chocolate milk, please 1.2649 0.04670 151 121 20 10
872 Day 124 and they still suspect nothing. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
873 I can't even tweet from this thing. Sad! 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
874 Stop treating me like a baby, I'll finish my college essay tomorrow. Now where's my blankie. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
875 Mom, this is not going to work. You can't protect me from Betsy DeVos. I have to go to school. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
876 Mom, you may be a little too overprotective. 1.2649 0.04171 151 116 30 5
877 I crawled in here during the Bush years. Is it safe to come out now? 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
878 Sounds like they're having fun. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
879 Sorry, I just can't adult right now. 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
880 With my data plan, there's no roaming. 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
881 I'm a big boy. Over. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
882 To be honest, I'm more comfortable on your therapist's couch. 1.2649 0.04670 151 121 20 10
883 Better wait four more years, we just elected the monsters in your closet. 1.2649 0.04670 151 121 20 10
884 This is Peter from Neverland. Can you hear me? 1.2649 0.04171 151 116 30 5
885 When you said "be my little baby" I had something different in mind. 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
886 And I'd like some pureed carrots with that. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
887 You win. I'll eat my %$#@*& strained beets. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
888 Paging Dr. Spock. 1.2632 0.04352 152 119 26 7
889 I'm not using this baby monitor anymore--text me! 1.2632 0.04451 152 120 24 8
890 Welcome to freshman orientation. 1.2632 0.04251 152 118 28 6
891 Isn't six years a long enough time-out? 1.2617 0.04405 149 117 25 7
892 The warm milk wasn't hormone free. 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
893 At least tell me you're saving for my college fund. 1.2617 0.04301 149 116 27 6
894 Mother, maybe you misunderstood your shrink when he told you to set boundaries. 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
895 All I ever get from you lately is static. 1.2617 0.04301 149 116 27 6
896 I thought I might let you know in advance that I'll be crying myself asleep tonight. 1.2617 0.04799 149 121 17 11
897 I want to speak to my lawyer. 1.2617 0.04301 149 116 27 6
898 I think I grew up too fast. 1.2617 0.04085 149 114 31 4
899 Can you bring me a beer, please? 1.2617 0.04606 149 119 21 9
900 Why don't you all come over to my crib? 1.2617 0.04606 149 119 21 9
901 Mum? Dad? I think there might have been a mix-up at the hospital. 1.2617 0.04405 149 117 25 7
902 Enough with the baby talk. 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
903 Why wasn't there a trigger warning for adulthood? 1.2568 0.04301 148 116 26 6
904 Secretly reporting from inside the tweet room at the White House. Back to you Bob. 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
905 Don't expect me to pick up the cost of your long-term care. 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
906 I don't know, I just feel like financially, I'm not ready to leave the crib yet. 1.2568 0.04301 148 116 26 6
907 Can we negotiate an upgrade? 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
908 OK. Send him in. 1.2568 0.04610 148 119 20 9
909 What are your thoughts on free-range parenting? 1.2568 0.04709 148 120 18 10
910 ....and then I said to my folks, "I'm not voting, since it doesn't matter who wins". 1.2568 0.04806 148 121 16 11
911 ...change your own diaper, son! 1.2568 0.04709 148 120 18 10
912 I think it's his attempt to stay on our health insurance as long as possible. 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
913 When are you guys coming home? 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
914 But you said I should rediscover my inner child. 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
915 All by myself because Melania wants to stay in liberal New York. Bigly sad. 1.2568 0.04610 148 119 20 9
916 You win, Mom and Dad. After 30 years, I could start paying you rent. 1.2568 0.04406 148 117 24 7
917 Is it safe to come out? Is the Trump presidency over? 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
918 Siri, did I remember to brush my teeth? 1.2568 0.04406 148 117 24 7
919 Because my therapist says I can't go back to the womb, that's why! 1.2568 0.04406 148 117 24 7
920 Well, at least the rent is free. 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
921 Mom? I'm thirsty. Could you crack me open a cold one? 1.2568 0.04082 148 114 30 4
922 Inner Child, do you receive me? Over. 1.2568 0.04406 148 117 24 7
923 Has it been 4 years yet? 1.2568 0.04709 148 120 18 10
924 and another thing – no more nursing! 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
925 Reliving childhood isn't what I thought it would be. 1.2568 0.04610 148 119 20 9
926 Hello? Jake from State Farm? 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
927 I do love you but I need to nurture my inner child right now. 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
928 Mom? Could we talk? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
929 Honey this isn't what I meant by baby me! 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
930 OK, I get the hint. I'm going to find my own place. But I don't know why I can't at least get some warm milk. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
931 Hey, babe, this isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
932 Yes, adulting IS hard, Justin, but we need the crib for the grandkids now. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
933 Mom? Want to see my overnight growth spurt? 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
934 I think we can all agree this "Time Out" has run its course. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
935 I'm not really sure maybe I'll apply to grad school 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
936 Hello. Adele? I'm breaking out tonight. Can we get together? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
937 OK, if you have your Wicked Stepmother outfit on, come on in. Bring the whip. 1.2534 0.04642 146 118 19 9
938 Mom, stop talking to me as if I were a child. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
939 I'm not sure this is working, Dr. Freud. 1.2534 0.04216 146 114 27 5
940 Okay, I promise not to ever talk about the Electoral College again. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
941 Diane, make a note to get me some pajamas that fit. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
942 Please answer me. Is my timeout over? 1.2534 0.04642 146 118 19 9
943 I didn't expect my dorm to be like this freshman year... 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
944 Yes, I'd like the GMO-free lo mein, a full-ride scholarship and an apartment full of Swedish furniture. 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
945 Mom, I thought you said kids don't grow overnight. 1.2534 0.04842 146 120 15 11
946 Honey, did you say kinky or creepy? 1.2534 0.04743 146 119 17 10
947 Honey, you're gonna have to stay in time out until you agree to get your own place. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
948 OK - you win. There is no going back. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
949 Just be thankful that I'm potty trained. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
950 This "time out" has gone on way too long! 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
951 You're right Mom and Dad. I AM a big baby. 1.2534 0.04216 146 114 27 5
952 Let's move my play date to after soul cycle, but before brunch. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
953 You comin' to my crib tonight? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
954 I can't. They've got me behind bars. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
955 Honey, I don't think this is what the therapist meant by 'try role play' 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
956 Hello Pizza Hut? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
957 Mom, I think the growth hormone free milk was not growth hormone free. 1.2534 0.04642 146 118 19 9
958 Hey mom. Don't forget that I have an early meeting at work. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
959 I don't like the way things are going, so I'm starting over. 1.2534 0.04216 146 114 27 5
960 Honey I admit that I'm immature but this is ridiculous. 1.2534 0.04102 146 113 29 4
961 Did he win a second term or can I come out now? 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
962 The eagle is in the nest... Repeat: the eagle is in the nest. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
963 Dad, it's time you stopped worrying about SIDS. 1.2534 0.04642 146 118 19 9
964 The sublet is working out fine. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
965 I'm not sure this is what the therapist had in mind. 1.2534 0.04216 146 114 27 5
966 ...not what I meant by bedtime role-play. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
967 Kid me not. 1.2534 0.04842 146 120 15 11
968 Bring me a beer or I call Children's Aid. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
969 I was kidding when I said I wished I were a kid again. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
970 Anything further on those strained peas? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
971 This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said you never "baby" me anymore. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
972 You want to come hang at my crib? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
973 He was born a leap year— he's technically only two. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
974 Honey, I'm a little bit unsure about this fantasy. 1.2534 0.04434 146 116 23 7
975 Is this what downsizing means? 1.2534 0.04642 146 118 19 9
976 Is this a sanctuary crib? 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
977 I'm ready to grow up now. Hello? Hello? 1.2534 0.04842 146 120 15 11
978 Yes, come on over, meet me at my crib. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
979 This is the only safe place to listen to the news anymore! 1.2517 0.04512 147 118 21 8
980 Remember, kids. even if you remain frozen at a five-year old intellectual and emotional level, you can still become president! 1.2483 0.04646 145 118 18 9
981 10-4 . . . Just chillin in da crib. 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
982 Susan, we have a problem. 1.2483 0.04748 145 119 16 10
983 Better safe than sorry, son. Did you hear what happened in Sweden last night? 1.2483 0.04748 145 119 16 10
984 Do you remember that movie 'Big' with Tom Hanks? 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
985 Tell Mr. Trump it's his National Security Advisor. 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
986 Can I please come out of time-out? 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
987 We're gonna need a bigger crib 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
988 Mom, would you send up my razor? 1.2483 0.04646 145 118 18 9
989 I'm thirsty 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
990 Some Fritos and a beer, please..... 1.2483 0.04646 145 118 18 9
991 I appreciate your letting me move back in after college, although I have to say that I find the accommodations bit triggering. 1.2483 0.04945 145 121 12 12
992 Mom, even though I can't afford my own place, this seems a bit excessive. 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
993 Mom, dad, anybody there? 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
994 Mommy, Billy called me a name! What's a millennial? 1.2483 0.04646 145 118 18 9
995 Mom? Remember what you said about eating my spinach? 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
996 If you're listening, I'm sorry. 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
997 When do I get to come out of time-out? 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
998 Any chance I can get my cell phone back? 1.2483 0.04098 145 113 28 4
999 I'd like a large pepperoni pizza delivered to my crib. 1.2483 0.04646 145 118 18 9
1000 "Jimmy to mom.....I am pretty sure I should be going to school by now. Over. 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
1001 At least let me sleep on my stomach. 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
1002 Mom, what exactly were you smoking before you walked into Ikea? 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
1003 Your baby gave me a fifty to watch his stuff. 1.2483 0.03979 145 112 30 3
1004 I can hear you and I am not leaving. 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
1005 Dear, is my "time out" over yet? 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
1006 The classes are great, mom, but the R.A. still doesn't tuck me in like you do. 1.2483 0.04098 145 113 28 4
1007 Arrested development 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
1008 Mom, I was thinking...should we edit my resume? 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
1009 Yo, come hang at my crib. 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
1010 It just seems like a bit much -- can't we just use a condom? 1.2483 0.04945 145 121 12 12
1011 Remember, kids. even those with the emotional/intellectual age of a five-year old can become president! 1.2483 0.04847 145 120 14 11
1012 yes, it beats the dog house 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
1013 Mom, I think I am ready for a big boy bed! 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
1014 Stop pressuring me. 1.2483 0.04748 145 119 16 10
1015 When I grow up I'm gonna be President. 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
1016 I don't think this therapy is working for me 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
1017 I didn't realize you meant you were counting to ten years. 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
1018 I understand time out but this is a little too much 1.2448 0.04782 143 118 15 10
1019 Is my time out over yet? 1.2448 0.03997 143 111 29 3
1020 Why did I have to say I wanted my own crib? 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1021 And, you're going to need to bring the wipes. 1.2448 0.04782 143 118 15 10
1022 Hey, Mom. Can you wake me up at six? I have work tomorrow. 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
1023 I told you, not until we have a new president. 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1024 The making of a President! 1.2448 0.04351 143 114 23 6
1025 For DVR you need to press input twice and then press record. 1.2448 0.04462 143 115 21 7
1026 Yo man.That's one large with extra cheese. You can deliver it to my crib. 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
1027 Is it time for breastfeeding yet? 1.2448 0.04462 143 115 21 7
1028 Honey, this isn't what I thought you meant when you said "Let's play Johnny is a bad little boy>" 1.2448 0.04462 143 115 21 7
1029 Hey Mom, could I have some more of that genetically modified carrots? 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1030 I hate living with my grandparents. 1.2448 0.04782 143 118 15 10
1031 Yes, Billy, no matter how often you check, he is still the president. 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1032 Mommy, there's a monster in my calculus book. 1.2448 0.04884 143 119 13 11
1033 You're right, Mom. I am growing up too fast. 1.2448 0.04462 143 115 21 7
1034 You are too a helicopter mom. 1.2448 0.04118 143 112 27 4
1035 Have you given any thought to having a second? 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
1036 Later Jack, Lauren has agreed to come over to my crib. 1.2448 0.03997 143 111 29 3
1037 I don't want to argue, I just want to know at what age you think he'll be able to sleep in his own bed... 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1038 Hello out there! I could use some long pants and shoes. 1.2448 0.04462 143 115 21 7
1039 How's the economy now? 1.2448 0.04351 143 114 23 6
1040 I know the rest of the Cabinet can hear me. 1.2448 0.04884 143 119 13 11
1041 If the IPO does well, I'll get an office. 1.2448 0.04678 143 117 17 9
1042 Mummy, can I have a glass of water and go to college now? 1.2448 0.04462 143 115 21 7
1043 Okay, I'll talk. 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
1044 Just how long does this baby monitoring go on? 1.2448 0.04351 143 114 23 6
1045 How long have I been out? 1.2448 0.04351 143 114 23 6
1046 Ok, I get it. I'll ask for my job back. 1.2431 0.04434 144 116 21 7
1047 My therapist wants me to discover my inner child. 1.2431 0.04093 144 113 27 4
1048 Is she asleep yet? 1.2431 0.04648 144 118 17 9
1049 But if I'm here, where's the baby? 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
1050 Goo goo to gah gah, come in gah gah 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
1051 This is going to be awkward when I start dating. 1.2431 0.03972 144 112 29 3
1052 I don't see what's so odd about it, Mom. A lot of college grads still live at home. 1.2431 0.04543 144 117 19 8
1053 Aren't I old enough for an iPhone? 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
1054 I'm getting too old for this. 1.2431 0.04210 144 114 25 5
1055 I haven't left here since the election. 1.2431 0.04543 144 117 19 8
1056 Mom, dad, I really gotta go. 1.2431 0.04434 144 116 21 7
1057 If Trump can be a baby at 70, I can be a baby at 27. 1.2431 0.04434 144 116 21 7
1058 I'm probably staying in tonight. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1059 Nostalgia Night enthusiasm fading fast. Over. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1060 Can I have a glass of beer? 1.2394 0.04786 142 118 14 10
1061 O.K. Mom you win, let me out and I'll eat my Brussels sprouts!" 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1062 Listen Cheryl, I've had a long day and my shrink said this is completely natural. Now will you bring me my blankie? 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1063 Mom, how many growth spurts are too many? 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1064 Hi Mom, Yes I'm up and planning to be out of the house in about 4 years!" 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1065 They said can have a big boy bed if I promise to at least look for a job. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1066 I'm cribbing for my speech test. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1067 Can you read me the one about student loan debt? 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1068 I can hear you too you know... 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1069 When I said relive my child hood I didn't realize the iPhone didn't have any apps yet... 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1070 I need to be changed. 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
1071 'Sleep tight.' Hilarious, Mom. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1072 Mom, the night light is keeping me awake. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1073 Hey Mom- make that a beer and pizza for my 2:00 feeding please 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1074 Im just going thru my quarter life crisis 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1075 Have they stopped ridiculing millennials yet? 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1076 "Your call is important to us, please hold for the next available operator." Gosh...it sure seems like I've been on hold for a long time... 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
1077 I'm ready to behave now. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1078 Hello, Mom? Is my time out over yet? 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1079 I think we're going to need a bigger crib. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1080 So can I come out of time-out yet? 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1081 Mom, tell me again how this helps me become more "presidential"? 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1082 I'll have the strained cheeseburger and mashed french fries. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1083 Mom, when I said I wanted to check out regression therapy, I had something else in mind. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1084 Yes, Mom, this is my only safe space. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1085 2017, you say? You mean all this time my alarm clock was just broken? 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1086 Mom, what do you mean by "failure to launch?" 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1087 Can we get a monitor that just let’s me text you guys? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1088 Please send in my 4:30 play date, and I'd like milk again for dinner. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1089 Seriously, I think you need to begin to treat me like an adult! 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1090 I really think I'm ready for a big-boy bed! 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1091 Can I get up from my nap and do my calculus homework? 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1092 Maybe you should check on me. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1093 You're not the helicopter parents I wanted. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1094 There are time outs, and then there are time outs. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1095 Mom? Dad? Are you sure this Time Out isn't over yet? 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1096 I know it's inconvenient Mom, but this is the only way I will be able to afford Insurance Coverage now! 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1097 Mom, you can't set the clock back eight years. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1098 Can you hear me now? 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1099 I guess asking for a car when I'm sixteen is out of the question? 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1100 There's been a mistake, Scotty. Beam me up now! 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1101 It's just until you can return to your safe space at college. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1102 Who’s my daddy? 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1103 It's called Crexit. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1104 I've been speaking into this thing for 13 years, and still no response. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1105 Ralph suddenly realized a second childhood is not all it's cracked up to be. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1106 Pretty chill so far, but I haven't chosen my major yet. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1107 I wonder if other millennial are treated like this? 1.2378 0.03965 143 112 28 3
1108 Um - on second thought, 'Mean Babysitter' is a lousy role play idea. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1109 When you move back home after college.. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1110 Hi, I'd like to order a queen size bed. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1111 This isn't the strangest role play we've ever done. But it's up there. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1112 Mom, how about something a little more cruel but a lot less unusual? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1113 Yes, with extra pepperoni and a large coke. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1114 Mom, did you remember to buy some soy milk for my morning latte? 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1115 Loser reporters say I act like a baby--Liars! Sad! 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1116 I wanna glass of Red Bull. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1117 Ivanka, honey, could you come bring me a glass of warm milk? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1118 So, you were right about staying over at your mother's. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1119 Worst regression session ever. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1120 I'm thirsty. Please bring me a glass of Chardonnay. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1121 Mom? I'm having that dream again. 1.2357 0.03875 140 109 29 2
1122 I feel like I do all the talking. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1123 Is this encrypted? 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
1124 Mom, Dad, you're over-parenting. 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1125 We all agree that helicopter parenting is bad, but you could still check in on me a little more often. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1126 I am not your little baby anymore. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
1127 You can put an app on my phone that does the same thing. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1128 I'm too old for this sh*t 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1129 Uh, Honey, I think we should look into some new parenting books. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1130 I promise! I'll get the college application in, tomorrow! 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1131 Of course I'm a Millenial...so what? 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1132 Give me another beer and I'll go to sleep! 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
1133 Mom, has it been 8 years yet? 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1134 Can't I just sleep in the guest room Mom? 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1135 Siri, what time is the exam for my child therapy license? 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1136 Hey, if I have to keep waiting on hold much longer I'm going to go through puberty. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1137 Ok, Sweetie, you win. Unlock the door. Daddy's gonna get you a big kid bed. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1138 I know my rights, I get one phone call. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1139 I'd like a glass of water. And a Xanax. 1.2357 0.04005 140 110 27 3
1140 Were my milk and cookies genetically modified? 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1141 Code Brown. I have a Code Brown. 1.2357 0.04713 140 116 15 9
1142 Mom, home schooling isn't working for me! 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1143 I'm sorry I missed curfew, but this seems excessive. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1144 Hay Ma, did you explain to the sitter that I'm still nursing. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1145 You know these are two-way radios and I can hear you, right? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1146 Yes, Mother, it has been a long time between visits. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1147 Call me later. I think my parents are listening on the other line. 1.2319 0.03888 138 108 28 2
1148 A glass of water with a lemon twist would be nice. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1149 Dad, can you take the training wheels off my car tomorrow? 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1150 My new nanny is so hot. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1151 I'll be in a fetal position until further notice. 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1152 Oreos neat, and make the milk a double 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1153 Upon discovering a listening device in his crib, Simon rethinks his earlier position on the proper balance between national security and individual liberty. 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1154 How do I get from the crib in the northwest bedroom at 2512 Pine Avenue, Santa Monica, California to the Yoga Loft, San Jose, California...? 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1155 The time machine screwed up. 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1156 This baby sitting gig is harder than it looks. 1.2319 0.04022 138 109 26 3
1157 Again, what shade of grey is this? 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1158 Yes, I'd like an order of puréed pees and a fresh blankie... please. 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1159 Paying off student loans: Day 1 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1160 Mom, I don't know what was in that formula - but I think you ought to see this. 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1161 A young Trump follower awaits his 4 a.m. tweet! 1.2319 0.04633 138 114 16 8
1162 Can I borrow the car tonight? 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1163 This is sierra papa yankee one. I have infiltrated the play room. Going under cover. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1164 I'm thinking of making America great again. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1165 I wonder if they're ever coming back. 1.2263 0.04747 137 115 13 9
1166 I'm not going to breathe again unless you bring me a vodka tonic. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1167 Can you hear me crying now? 1.2263 0.04633 137 114 15 8
1168 How about I read a book to you? 1.2263 0.04747 137 115 13 9
1169 Sweetheart, I promise I'll never make fun of your breast pump again 1.2263 0.04747 137 115 13 9
1170 Yes mom, I'm OK. But my self-esteem as a Millenial is at an all-time low." 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1171 It's the only way you'll listen to me. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
1172 Mom? Dad? If you're out there...I'm 33 now and ready to grow up. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1173 Really? This doesn't feel like we're making progress. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1174 As I said on my dating profile, I’m basically your typical American Gen-X guy. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1175 What do you say we meet at midnight? My parents should be asleep by then. 1.2263 0.04012 137 109 25 3
1176 These safer hazing routines are getting out of hand. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
1177 I'm ready to go over the earnings report. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1178 I can't tell if it's a nightmare or reality anymore. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1179 I thought she said my time out was for ten minutes.. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1180 Get a sitter who can help me with my SAT. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
1181 Mom? Dad? Are you there? It's been twenty years and you still haven't come to kiss me goodnight. 1.2263 0.04633 137 114 15 8
1182 Why not? The adult in the White House is acting like a spoilt overgrown child too! So there! 1.2263 0.04747 137 115 13 9
1183 Okay, professor, I'm in a safe space. Over. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1184 I want an iPhone. Do you know what still using a baby monitor at my age is gonna do to me? 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1185 In short, the baby gets returned when you restore my Internet privileges. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1186 This nightmare was worse — I had to pay rent. 1.2263 0.04747 137 115 13 9
1187 Mr. Bannon, I promise the leak was on accident! 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1188 I think you have taken this helicopter parenting too far. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1189 We can add a second bed to the Airbnb listing. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1190 If you can hear the sound of my voice over this monitor I am in desperate need of beer. 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1191 Mom, Dad, I proposed to babysitter Laurie and she accepted. So its time to get me a grown up bed. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1192 Has it been 4 years yet? 1.2263 0.04395 137 112 19 6
1193 I think I don't need the nightlight anymore. Can you please come in and turn it off? 1.2263 0.04633 137 114 15 8
1194 I need a change! 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1195 Can Baby please have a Brandy Alexander? 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1196 Dad, can I borrow the car? 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1197 Tell the kids I am on permanent time out. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1198 Yeah, Mom, the batteries are fine, but we need to talk about big-boy issues. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
1199 Come in Canada. Get me out of here. Over. 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1200 Mom ? Donald here. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1201 What's the wifi password? 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1202 You and Dad can't control my life forever, Mom, and by the way, I need to be changed. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1203 I said I want change. Not to be changed. Two different things. 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1204 I need dental insurance? But I've been coming to this toothfairy for years! 1.2222 0.04780 135 114 12 9
1205 Is it 2020 yet? 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1206 Send up a bottle of whiskey and two packs of cigarettes. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1207 I can't get a play date. 1.2222 0.04027 135 108 24 3
1208 Mom, I swear that Trump is in my closet! 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1209 You can't keep me in time out forever. 1.2222 0.04162 135 109 22 4
1210 MY TIMEOUT IS OVER. PLEASE RETURN MY I-PHONE. 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1211 gee wiz, I knew I would get grounded for the weekend but this is a bit much.. 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1212 Hey Mom? My phone bill is past due. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1213 Some times they forget I am here. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1214 You're a really bad babysitter. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1215 Mom. I just had a wet dream, so now can I have a real bed? 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1216 Baby, you gotta see my new crib! 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1217 That was a long night 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1218 Mom? Could you bring me my poli-sci book? 1.2222 0.04027 135 108 24 3
1219 Hello, front desk? Could I have a room with a larger bed? 1.2222 0.04663 135 113 14 8
1220 I think I need an upgrade. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1221 This is Agent Punkin Face. I'm afraid my cover has been blown. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1222 Mom, I think it's time to buy my big boy's bed. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1223 I told you mom, stop babying me! 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1224 Mom I think you left me in here too long. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1225 Hey Mom, what year is it? 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1226 Put that college degree to use and figure a way out, smart guy. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1227 Alexa, add Zoloft to shopping list. 1.2222 0.04663 135 113 14 8
1228 Wow, we really do grow up fast. 1.2222 0.03887 135 107 26 2
1229 Mom - can you let me know when my uber arrives. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1230 I said, "come tuck me in." I've got a chem final tomorrow. 1.2222 0.04027 135 108 24 3
1231 Mom, what does 'infantilizing' mean? 1.2222 0.03591 135 105 30 0
1232 I don't mean to alarm you, but I think this crib is a time machine. 1.2222 0.04162 135 109 22 4
1233 Note to self: Arrested development might be key requirement for my future Presidential aspirations. 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1234 Calling helicopter mom . . . 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1235 POTUS to PUTIN 1.2206 0.04512 136 113 16 7
1236 We're not reading you a bedtime story. Grow up already! 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1237 No, I'm not hungry or gassy. It's probably just classic angst about how my intended major will help me get a good job after graduation. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1238 ...besides the teddy bear, please bring my nuclear physics textbook. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1239 Siri, where can I order big boy pajamas? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1240 That's right, a number two in progress. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1241 Meanwhile, in the Van Winkle condo, young Rip suspects that something is not quite right. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1242 You do know this thing works both ways. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1243 I'm in my safe space. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1244 Can I borrow the car to get a new bed? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1245 Nobody has listened to me in years. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1246 But wouldn't it be crazier NOT to run through a few emergency scenario dress rehearsals with prospective babysitters? 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1247 Ground control to Mom and Dad, I'm slipping into puberty. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1248 But this is my safe space. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1249 Mom, I think that bedtime milk bottle had some serious growth hormones in it. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1250 Finally, I got my own room. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1251 I promise to look for a job tomorrow. Now, will you bring me a snack, and then shut out the light? 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1252 Big Baby to Vlad. We've got those election figures. Over 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1253 This baby fetish demeans us both. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1254 I think I need to stay in a safe place until at least the 2020 election. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1255 Mother, my apartment is fine. It's my diaper I'm concerned about. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1256 I won't come down until I can vote. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1257 Yo, mom, you forgot my nightcap. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1258 Reeducation camp has been... weird. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1259 Hey Mom and Dad, now that I'm starting high school, maybe can I get my own cellphone? 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1260 Mom, I'd like some coffee, please! 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1261 Aren’t we taking my arrested development disorder a bit too far? 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1262 We never should have let him read "The Catcher in the Rye". 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1263 You two are enablers. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1264 I can't come over. My tricycle is still in the shop. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1265 No, Geoffrey; go back to sleep. I'll dress you for your interview when the little hand points at ten. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1266 I've been trying to reach someone for ten years. I think the network is down. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1267 Come in, Enterprise...we're going to have to try this again. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1268 Hello? ...this hands-off parenting isn't working for me anymore. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1269 Mom.......Mom?........MOM! Enough with the micromanaging. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1270 I actually do have a sweet crib. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1271 Can I first talk to a lawyer? 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1272 Who knew sleeping like a baby would be so hard? 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1273 Is there anybody out there? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1274 I think there's a monster in my liqueur closet. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1275 Hey,listen. I'm the President now. So let me out! 1.2180 0.04930 133 114 9 10
1276 Seriously, don't you think the time-out has lasted a sufficient length of time? 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1277 Mom, Dad...I need a change. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1278 Hey, Mom and Dad, now that I'm finished with college, do you think I can move into the basement? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1279 Mom? Dad? Can you hear me now? 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1280 Hello World...I'm not going to play adult today. 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1281 Mommy? Did you finish my LSAT yet? I'm thirsty. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1282 Maybe I should've gone with the couch. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1283 Yes, I expected to have bought my own apartment by now. But did you find Teddy? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1284 OK, OK I'll work on the resume! 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1285 I appreciate the fact that it´s appropriate punishment for childish behavior, but I think I´ve served my time. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1286 I'll show you when I'm President some day. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1287 Show some respect Bro, everyone has his own crib. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1288 They can't ask me to move out if I still sleep in a crib. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1289 Wake me up when the Trump administration is over. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1290 Send help. I think I've been napped. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1291 Mom, is my time-out done this year? 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1292 10-4, I am identifying as a baby 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1293 Still not recalling any trauma, doc. Can I get back on the couch now? 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1294 Wow, I must have slept for a decade, my cell phone still has an antenna! 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1295 how am I doing on my timeout? 1.2180 0.04813 133 113 11 9
1296 I can hear you and yes, I have outgrown these pajamas 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1297 Breaker, breaker 19, this here is Big Boy. Looking for an ETA on breakfast. Copy? 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1298 You didn't set the alarm, did you? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1299 Mom, my interview is tomorrow. Come read me the resume you wrote for me! 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1300 I'm not changing his diaper! 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1301 Mom, my therapist also wants to know why I won't leave home. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1302 Mom, can we PLEASE go bed shopping this weekend? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1303 Is the basement ready yet? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1304 Stop calling me 'Baby!' 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1305 Why can't Dad take my SATs today? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1306 I think, at sixteen, an iPhone would be slightly more appropriate. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1307 Mom! I'm stuck in the President's bed again. 1.2180 0.04813 133 113 11 9
1308 You were right. I should have majored in business. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1309 Is it time to grow up yet? 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1310 Can I get out of time-out now? 1.2164 0.04285 134 110 19 5
1311 Hey Doc., I'm not sure this regression technique is working for me. Over and out. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1312 Can we talk? 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1313 I don't understand why Mom and Dad unfriended me. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1314 No, this is not what I meant by role playing. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1315 Doesn't the ''Sleep like a baby'' upgrade include tuck-in? 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1316 Mommy, we have a problem. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1317 Hey mom, please bring me my pacifier and geometry homework 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1318 Could someone come read me a good-night dissertation? 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1319 Isn't it time you helicoptered in? 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1320 It may be a bold move, but I think I'm ready to go outside now. 1.2121 0.03882 132 106 24 2
1321 What do you mean "arrested development?" 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1322 No, my crib, crib! I'm really calling from the crib! 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1323 No blanket... terrible parenting...very sad. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1324 Stop it. That's how you got me. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1325 Playpen to crib. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1326 I think my parents are a bit over-protective. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1327 Alexa, I said queen size, not crib size. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1328 Sorry Mom, baby talk is where I draw the line. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1329 Guys, I'm getting too old for this. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1330 Blending in & eavesdropping came naturally to young Vladimir. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1331 Dad, can I have that drink of water now? I've been waiting for what seems like forever. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1332 When will I be old enough to have dignity? 1.2121 0.03882 132 106 24 2
1333 Radio is working fine, crib checks out, the baby will love it, may I get in the big boy bed now? 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1334 This is Ground Control to Major Mom. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1335 Mommy, I'm thirsty... bring me a glass of beer! 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1336 Did you check the news yet? Is it safe to come out today? 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1337 No, not yet. I still have some other stuff to work on before I ask them for a later curfew. 1.2121 0.04813 132 113 10 9
1338 We've been over this. 'Cry -it-out' doesn't work for me. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1339 I think it's about time I had a talk with my parents. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1340 My folks are holding me back till they can afford a top-tier preschool. The only upside is that the stroller is a chick magnet. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1341 I won't be in today, I'm having a mid-life crisis! 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1342 I thought you said that you wanted me to be your baby 1.2121 0.04692 132 112 12 8
1343 OK, Now let's play you're the baby. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1344 So mom, do you think I'll adjust well to dormitory life? 1.2121 0.03730 132 105 26 1
1345 I need a change! 1.2121 0.03882 132 106 24 2
1346 Roger that Mama-bear, and send me up a keg of milk. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1347 This overprotective thing has gone way far enough. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1348 I did work hard in college. Don't you think this is an overreaction for me moving back home. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1349 I have to ask mom if we can go to the prom. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1350 If you're still out there, I think I'm ready for a new sibling now. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1351 Ivanka, tell Jared to come in and fix my Tweeter. It's a disaster. 1.2121 0.04692 132 112 12 8
1352 So mom... before you go to work, could you bring in a bagel, some coffee and the Times? It's going to be a hellava day?? 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1353 Minimum security isn't how I imagined it would be. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1354 It's over! Somehow she misunderstood when I told her we should go back to my crib and chill 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1355 Mom, I can't sleep. Can I grab a beer and some pizza? 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1356 I can't sleep. I keep worrying about my real estate investments. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1357 Millennial on a landline. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1358 No, the baby is not here! 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1359 Please tell me again how this will help me connect with my inner child... 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1360 This is not a big boy bed. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1361 Be careful what you say to me--I'm in my safe space. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1362 I agreed to move my crib to the basement, but now you still want me to move out? 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1363 I'm wearing PJs a soiled diaper. What are you wearing? 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1364 I think I over-slept ... by about 14 years. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1365 OK, you win. I promise to start acting my age and stop acting like Trump. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1366 It's 3 a.m., I need my bottle and my phone back. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1367 They're holding me in an infant-detention center. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1368 What happens if I push the red button? 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1369 I'm a juvenile. They can't send me to the pen! 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1370 I think that I'm supposed to be watching TV and the baby should be here. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1371 Baby Girl to Helicopter Mom. College app time, NOT, repeat NOT nap time. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1372 Mom! Dad! Can I get my own place? 1.2121 0.04813 132 113 10 9
1373 Dad! It's been 10 years, where's my glass of water? 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1374 No bathroom water! I'll have the Evian from the fridge! 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1375 No kidding I'm taking a gap year. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1376 So, the new phone update came with a time travel option... 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1377 Gotta go....it's 4 a.m. and that means tweetin' time. 1.2121 0.04692 132 112 12 8
1378 Honey, I'm sorry can my Time Out be over now? 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1379 OK Johnny. The ten years is up. You can come out now. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1380 911? I'm trapped in a really bad dream! 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1381 Mom, Dad, you copy? I think I'm getting too big to use a night light... over 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1382 Testing 1,2,3. I think my childhood is coming to an end. Testing 1,2,3. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1383 Ovf course I can hear you - you're in the next room... 1.2121 0.03730 132 105 26 1
1384 I'm good mom. Thanks. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1385 This is your son... over! 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1386 why do they call us Millenials? 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1387 You told me this was only temporary. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1388 Your Father wants a strong border 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1389 Mom, what time is my SAT tutor coming ? 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1390 Well honey I'll give him this: there is a lot to cry about in here. 1.2121 0.04692 132 112 12 8
1391 Did I really have to do all this just to test the new baby monitor? 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1392 Send in the new milk maiden. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1393 It's time I told you ... I go out at night 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1394 This really takes me back... 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1395 Mommy have you seen my iPhone charger? 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1396 "Can we meet at your place? I'm a little constricted.) 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1397 I wanted to see what it was like to be President. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1398 Don't worry, son. I'll have your thesis paper ready in the morning. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1399 Mr. Yiannopoulos? I don't think I want to be your intern any longer. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1400 Don't believe the main stream, fake news, media.The White House is running VERY WELL. I inherited a MESS and am in the process of fixing it. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1401 I'll take a shrimp tempura roll, light on the eel sauce... 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1402 Mom, do you really think I can be the President one day? 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1403 When you get a job, then you can upgrade. 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1404 ...because you still ACT like a child, Donald. Go to sleep. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1405 How Millenials order room service. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1406 Get in here! You will not believe what happened! 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1407 When I get out of here, I'm gonna build a wall, and Mexico is gonna pay for it! 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1408 Mom, can I get a glass of Gewurztraminer? 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1409 Am I Being Detained? 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1410 Are my college essays done yet? 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1411 No, it does not feel at all like it is going by too fast. 1.2121 0.04438 132 110 16 6
1412 Hello Mudda, Hello fadda. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1413 I promise, I will leave home someday. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1414 Honey it worked. He's totally asleep now. 1.2105 0.04408 133 111 16 6
1415 Couldn't I just hack their emails? I think they're beginning to suspect something. Over. 1.2105 0.04408 133 111 16 6
1416 Only until I'm 26, mom. I promise. 1.2105 0.04535 133 112 14 7
1417 Just another case of arrested development. 1.2105 0.04141 133 109 20 4
1418 I need to see someone about this Empty Nest Syndrome. 1.2105 0.04141 133 109 20 4
1419 Captain's log: I finally accept that I can't keep postponing maturity. 1.2105 0.04535 133 112 14 7
1420 Just kickin' it at "the crib." 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
1421 But she won the popular vote! 1.2077 0.04327 130 108 17 5
1422 Would you rather I lived in the basement? 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
1423 First, let's move him to a big-boy bed. Then we can talk about health insurance. 1.2077 0.04327 130 108 17 5
1424 Honey? I fell for it, again. 1.2077 0.03891 130 105 23 2
1425 Ok, I'm sorry for voting for Trump, can I have my big boy bed back now? 1.2077 0.04042 130 106 21 3
1426 Nobody puts baby in the crib. 1.2077 0.04594 130 110 13 7
1427 Tinker Bell, I need help. 1.2077 0.04042 130 106 21 3
1428 Bobby, this is the Provost. Don't leave your safe zone. President Trump is still on the television in the dorm lounge. 1.2077 0.04722 130 111 11 8
1429 Beam me up, Dr Spock 1.2077 0.04327 130 108 17 5
1430 Don't think I don't know what you're doing. 1.2077 0.03891 130 105 23 2
1431 Peter Pan. Come in Peter Pan. 1.2077 0.04327 130 108 17 5
1432 It really is a time machine! 1.2077 0.04462 130 109 15 6
1433 Aren't you up, yet? It's 11 years. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1434 Whatever cures writer's block for my next children's book. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1435 When I get older I'm going to be a basketball player. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1436 It's not the dark I'm afraid of 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1437 Help ! My parents have empty nest syndrome! 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1438 Mommy, why do they call you and Daddy the Helicopter Parents? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1439 Mom, Dad, I've been calling you FOREVER! 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1440 Mom, can you bring me my crack pipe and silly putty. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1441 I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to say "flame-retardant". 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1442 Hi Ma, I was just thinking about you! 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1443 Hello. Is this Pimp My Crib? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1444 Can I get up now, Mom? I have an Econ 421 class at 8:00. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1445 OK, you made your point. I will stop whining about dish duty. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1446 It was the call that changed Sean Spicer's life forever... 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1447 Mom? Dad? How long is this party going to last? 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1448 My parents must have missed the recall notice ! 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1449 This is weird. You guys should just use Viagra. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1450 Son, it's high time to change yourself. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1451 'Time travel' was just a joke, right? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1452 It's not that I don't love the nanny state, it's just that the pajamas don't fit. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1453 At least can I start eating solid foods? 1.2016 0.03713 129 104 24 1
1454 I dunno -- I think I just feel more secure the way things are now. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1455 OK, already. I'll stop acting like a big baby. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1456 I don't feel good, Mommy. Can you make Daddy take my SATs today? 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1457 This is not the access we desired for the White House press briefing 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1458 Timeout for discussing politics is not working. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1459 Does the bottle have to be milk? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1460 Paul began to doubt that his time travel scheme would ever work. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1461 Stop babying me and I'll tell you what gender I identify with 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1462 I said you should go off the grid, not in the crib. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1463 Mom, Dad, we need to discuss infantilization. And also, I have to make wee wee. 1.2016 0.03713 129 104 24 1
1464 Can I get a ride to the anti-Trump rally tomorrow? 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1465 And while your at it, bring me the new issue of the New Yorker. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1466 Mom I do appreciate what I have, but seriously I need a new bed. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1467 I'm telling you mum, this Ph.D is going to pay off eventually 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1468 Mom, can I get some more milk? The type from the store this time. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1469 Mom? Can time out be over now? 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1470 I don't think forcing me to relive my childhood will fix anything. Oh, and bring me a beer. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1471 Mom, don't you think you should check in from time to time? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1472 Someday, I'm going to be the greatest president of the United States of America. 1.2016 0.04718 129 111 10 8
1473 You can panic now...The car keys are missing too. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1474 Hello! Mom? Dad? How long is this party going to last? It seems like I have been in here forever. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1475 I apologize, please come back to bed. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1476 This is my 5,478th and final transmission. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1477 I still don't feel safe. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1478 Mommy, can I take my driver's test after nap time? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1479 The basement requires a graduate degree. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1480 Hey Mom and Dad, I need my ipad and a flat white from Starbucks. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1481 Yeah, but it's a big boy's playpen. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1482 Mom, may I use your car today? 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1483 I'm still not sleepy, Reince. 1.2016 0.04718 129 111 10 8
1484 Mom, you can't protect me forever, the election is over...mom? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1485 This is 'Snowflake' - over... 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1486 Donald Trump's Teen Years 1.2016 0.04718 129 111 10 8
1487 I'll be here at least until after the midterm elections. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1488 Mom, did you do my homework yet? 1.2016 0.03546 129 103 26 0
1489 Mom, can you turn down Pink Floyd a little and go to bed? 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1490 Hey, Mom. Don't forget my calculus homework. Also, text my girlfriend. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1491 Hun, can you get the light? 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1492 I just hacked Mom’s Amazon password. New PJ’s and a queen sized bed are on the way. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1493 Returning to your 90's routine will not bring a Clinton into the White House, son. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1494 Sure, Dad, you moved into a big boy bed at 4, but that's before your generation raped the economy. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1495 This "future president" training is getting tiresome. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1496 Hey mom, can I have my cell phone back? 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1497 The last thing I remember was biting an "eat me" cake. 1.2016 0.04718 129 111 10 8
1498 Mom, "I sleep like a baby" was purely idiomatic. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1499 "Dad, could you get me a glass of IPA? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1500 I'll stop acting like a cry-baby when you stop treating me like one 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1501 Yeah, it's me. I ate the baby. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1502 Cribs R Us: Talk To An Expert 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1503 Ma, have you seen my binky? 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1504 I'm still contemplating my career. Meantime please send up dinner. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1505 If I'm in here, is the baby in the dog's bed? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1506 Oedipus was a terrible name. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1507 You're the only one who listens. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1508 Apparently they begin to develop a greater sense of autonomy during the 59th trimester. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1509 Some say he was always destined to be President. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1510 Milk served the usual way, please. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1511 A pizza with sausage and onions, please. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1512 Hello? Hello? I think I'm out-growing my pajamas! 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1513 "I'm being held against my will and my jammies don't fit"! 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1514 Siri, can you locate my childhood? I seem to have wasted it. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1515 A bit harsh Mum. I still got a B+. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1516 Do you think I could move back into the womb until I figure my life out? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1517 I know it's your safe space, but, please, you need to pack. Your dorm drop off is tomorrow. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1518 Thanks for the safe space... 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1519 Is it too late for room service? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1520 Dean Johnson? It's Jaime in Smith Hall. I lost my blankie again. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1521 Mom? Dad? Can we talk parenting styles? 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1522 And then the monster asked about my plans for after college. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1523 Change is good. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1524 Sorry honey, but this role play is not working for me...honey? 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1525 Son, we are still at La Guardia but don't you worry. Home soon! 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1526 Uh, have you guys seen, "Big?" 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1527 Mom, you can't say that I never call. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1528 Now that I've replaced the battery can we resume our discussion about big boy beds? 1.2016 0.03713 129 104 24 1
1529 Is Dad back from buying cigarettes yet? 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1530 Get me room service. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1531 Peter Pan here. With whom am I speaking? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1532 No sign of Trump under the bed. How do the closets look? 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1533 What do you mean 'YOU' had a nightmare? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1534 Can I have my peanut & jelly sandwich on a baguette please. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1535 We are playing remote cribbage. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1536 Mom, I guess borrowing the car is out of the question? 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1537 Mom, would you come turn off my nightlight? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1538 Honey, can you come in Junior's room, I've got a sort of funny story to tell you. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1539 I wonder if I can send an 'Amber Alert' on this thing? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1540 'Brenda, can you bring in my 9am please?' 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1541 In light of the election, I'm thinking that a gap decade might be a good idea. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1542 Tonight I will be playing Infant #3. There are no small roles. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1543 I'm calling about an early checkout. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1544 Is it safe yet? 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1545 I'm not leaving here until Trump has been repealed and replaced! 1.2016 0.04718 129 111 10 8
1546 Mom, remember that my application to Sarah Lawrence is due on Wednesday. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1547 Tell Dad I'll need the car tomorrow night. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1548 Skip Van Winkle awakens from his nap. 1.2016 0.04454 129 109 14 6
1549 Mom or Dad, could you bring me another gin and tonic? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1550 Sorry Honey, we've decided to stop the breast feeding. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1551 Mom, can you change my diaper before my date arrives? 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1552 No! I didn't say I wanted change. I said I needed changing. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1553 Mom, I'm thirsty, can I have a glass of artisanal water? 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1554 Really, after fourteen years you should know when I want a glass of water ! 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1555 Mom, I think I'm ready to try solid food. 1.1969 0.04477 127 108 13 6
1556 Just to let you guys know, I plan on crying it out all night long. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1557 Mom? Can I come out of time-out NOW? It's been a loooong time! 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1558 Mom, what's the ETA on a clean diaper? 1.1969 0.04037 127 105 19 3
1559 I just thought whenever you said 'Hey babe!', you wanted something different. 1.1969 0.04477 127 108 13 6
1560 Glenda....I promise not to talk Trump if you let me back into our bed.... 1.1969 0.04037 127 105 19 3
1561 Instead of crying, I think it's more efficient if I just tell you I'd like three spicy tuna rolls. 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1562 If everything is okay, your mom and I will check back in another 15 years. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1563 Can I get the ACLU on this thing? 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1564 Mom? Dad? Er... I think I grew, like, three foot overnight! 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1565 But, Mom, now I'm thirteen. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1566 Honey, I am very excited about our adoption, but don't you think we had enough rehearsals already? 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1567 Can you hear me Captain Tom? 1.1969 0.04615 127 109 11 7
1568 And suddenly Rip Van Winkle all made sense. 1.1969 0.04615 127 109 11 7
1569 I'm breaking out 1.1969 0.03879 127 104 21 2
1570 These are not the bars I expected! 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1571 Day 34, they still don’t realize their child is missing. I’ve been eating nothing but celery puree for the past month. I’m not sure I can take it much longer. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1572 We aren't babying him, are we? 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1573 Honey, he got me again with the hide and seek. 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1574 Whiskey Alfa Hotel Hotel Hotel Hotel 1.1969 0.04477 127 108 13 6
1575 I'm ready for a bigger crib. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1576 Is it safe to come out? Is Trump gone yet? 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1577 Nobody puts Baby in a playpen. 1.1969 0.04477 127 108 13 6
1578 The alternative ending to 2001 A Space Odyssey 1.1969 0.04037 127 105 19 3
1579 I knew I should've came out at nine months. 1.1969 0.04477 127 108 13 6
1580 Liberal safe space. 1.1969 0.04615 127 109 11 7
1581 Alexa, tell them it's their bedtime. 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1582 So, I'm up from my power nap. 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1583 You don't think he'd hack a New York Times reporter's baby monitor, do you? 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1584 Breitbart didn't fire me. I quit! 1.1920 0.04641 125 108 10 7
1585 The good news is that the baby monitor is working fine... 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1586 I think déjà vu is overrated. 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1587 Does this thing come in a California King? 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1588 I said I'm done adulting. 1.1920 0.04047 125 104 18 3
1589 Are you sure this is what the therapist said to do? 1.1920 0.03715 125 102 22 1
1590 Crib to kitchen, crib to kitchen--ordering 1 bucket o' sliders, a vanilla shake and another blankie, thanks. 1.1920 0.04047 125 104 18 3
1591 Barack?..... Michelle?.... 1.1920 0.04641 125 108 10 7
1592 This is your son, Failure to Launch, saying over and out. 1.1920 0.04500 125 107 12 6
1593 Still sleep in your crib or ask to borrow the car. Not both. 1.1920 0.04641 125 108 10 7
1594 The pixie dust was a scam, Peter. Live with it. 1.1920 0.04500 125 107 12 6
1595 Can I get a wake-up call at 3AM? 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1596 Calling 'Lost Childhood'. Come in 'Lost Childhood'. Over. 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1597 Is this thing on? 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1598 Mom, Dad, I'm a Doctor... 1.1920 0.04047 125 104 18 3
1599 Has it been four years? 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1600 I'll be your baby tonight 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1601 This also isn't working this week. Just like Mankoff's NEW YORKER magazine website. 1.1905 0.04743 126 110 8 8
1602 Goo-goo ga-ga. Over. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1603 Can you hear me now? Good. 1.1890 0.03989 127 106 18 3
1604 Mom, I had that nightmare again about voting for Jill Stein. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1605 I thought when you kept calling me 'baby' you were just being affectionate! 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1606 Mom, I don't feel particularly entitled right now. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1607 I am either hungry or need a diaper change. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1608 How Millennials stay in touch with Mom and Dad. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1609 I'm in regression therapy. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1610 Time for my diaper change... over. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1611 This seems a bit excessive just to test the sound quality. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1612 I've been in "time out" for ten years now. How much longer? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1613 Can Obamacare cover me? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1614 Sorry, I fell asleep. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1615 Wrong...wrong....wrong. I'm the one with the bed....the new one has the playpen. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1616 A large pizza with pepperoni, please 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1617 I'll probably get the new one when it comes out... 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1618 This Virtual Reality thing is very disappointing. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1619 Come in, blissful ignorance. Do you copy? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1620 I'm thirsty. Can somebody bring me a glass of microbrewed IPA? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1621 Hey Mama, After my nap can I have some beer and pizza? Please, please?! 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1622 Mommy! Wake me at 6am for my job interview. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1623 I've repented for 12 years. Can I go back to my room? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1624 Am I too old to get a bedtime story and a tummy rub? 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1625 I think you misunderstood when I told you I wanted my own incubator. 1.1855 0.04908 124 110 5 9
1626 It's been 12 years, Mom. Isn't my room ready yet? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1627 Night light, check. Baby monitor, check. Baby . . . WHERE'S THE BABY?!? 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1628 Honestly I think the "Home Alone" franchise has run its course. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1629 I shouldn't be taking to you. I'm in witness protection. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1630 The Van Winkles are known as good nappers. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1631 These safe spaces are getting out of hand. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1632 If you get rid of the monster under my bed, I wouldn't have to sleep in the baby's playpen. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1633 Honey, can I come out now? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1634 Help! My parents took away my iphone! 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1635 Life went by, virtually. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1636 I may be a millennial, but this is going too far. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1637 See you in court...Mommy! 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1638 Honey? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1639 I promise I'll never miss curfew again. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1640 It's safe now mommy. It's 2020. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1641 A different approach to recapturing one's childhood. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1642 Ya, the 'rents finally took away my cell phone, and all I have now is this baby monitor...can anyone on Facebook hear me?...come in, over. 1.1855 0.04633 124 108 9 7
1643 Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut and need to move on with your life? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1644 Thanks to modern technology Billy never had to leave his crib. 1.1855 0.04633 124 108 9 7
1645 It helps to have a safe space to hear bad news. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1646 I don't think this thing is working anymore. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1647 OK, I'm sorry! Can I please come out of timeout? 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1648 Mom, can you get me a job? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1649 Dad! Dad? Mr. President? 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1650 Mom? I just saw the latest press conference. I think I need to be changed. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1651 Mom....Dad.....is it time to get up yet? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1652 So much for the promised 10 year battery life! 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1653 Can I use a Johnson & Johnson debit card on a pizza delivery? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1654 I miss breast feeding. 1.1855 0.04633 124 108 9 7
1655 You were right... it's a great hotel. I slept like a baby! 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1656 I can't sleep. I saw something scary on CNN. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1657 Roger. That was my hungry cry. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1658 It's 3AM - now where did I put the baby? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1659 . . . and a large order of fries. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1660 Guys...? Have you perhaps forgotten something? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1661 Mom, when can I go out and play like other kids my age? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1662 Stranded. No answer from the other end anymore. Alone. My diaper has long since disintegrated and I fear my days are numbered. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1663 How about a play date? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1664 Dad, can I borrow the hot nanny? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1665 Life goes by quickly, doesn't it? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1666 Breaker, Breaker, "come in please, this Crib Monitor, over 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1667 Come on over...I've got a new playpen! 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1668 Now let's do what it takes to make this fantasy a reality. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1669 I'm ready for graduate school. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1670 WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1671 Just hanging out in my crib, teddy bear. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1672 Adam 12 here ...... no, I'm really 12. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1673 When you're done with Facebook, I need a diaper change. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1674 'How long has your baby monitor been off anyway? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1675 This is isn't what I meant by 'I'd like a cool crib'. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1676 C'mon, it's been 12 years - over. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1677 Mom? Dad? Anyone? Seriously, this is getting really old. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1678 Mom, it's time for my breast feeding. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1679 Mom, don't wake me until November 2020 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1680 Yes, I shaved this morning. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1681 This babysitter is crazy! 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1682 Honey, what time is Mikey's college interview tomorrow? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1683 How do you like my new crib? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1684 This is not the mobile device or the safe space that I wanted. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1685 I'm thinking it's not simply an issue of boundaries. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1686 I think I clicked my heels one too many times. 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1687 Mom is home schooling me until I get off the charter school wait list. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1688 Ok, you win, I apologize for breaking the VCR. Can I come out of my room now? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1689 I'm streaming arrested development. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1690 Your “Time-Outs” are insane. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1691 Can a Bachelor's Degree get me a glass of milk? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1692 Mom....I think we really need to cut the apron strings here ! 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1693 How did you know I had crib notes? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1694 ... and then I said, "But, Dad, kids from red states can want to grow up and write for the New York Times, too." 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1695 Yes, Ma, I'll always be your little baby, but my jammies are getting awful tight. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1696 Mom, don't you know that I could just climb out if I wanted to? 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1697 I can't adult today... 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1698 I woke up hungry again. But please, no more breast milk. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1699 Hel-lo, isn't someone late for my 2am feeding? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1700 I'm too old for this sh*t 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1701 Your timeout will end when you finally apologize for hitting Timmy at daycare. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1702 Does this Airbnb come with bottle service? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1703 They told me going to grad school would be a mistake. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1704 And that's when Pistachio began to wonder if he was a real boy or just some nut's inner child. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1705 Let me know when they leave the house. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1706 It wasn't exactly a bad dream, Mommy. How much did you hear anyhow? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1707 Whatever your ransom is, I will double it! 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1708 Can I please just stay here for one more degree in some senseless major? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1709 I'll be independent as soon as you tell me how to get out of this crib. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1710 Houston, we have a problem 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1711 I had this dream that you could talk and your name was 'Siri' 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1712 Mom, I really think its time that we cut back on the growth hormone. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1713 Your crib is being monitored for quality assurance. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1714 The President will be back online after his time-out. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1715 Mommy, I want my beer bottle! 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1716 Mommy are my college applications ready yet? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1717 Mum, I've got a message to you from my psychiatrist. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1718 My Mom doesn't think it's safe for me to play outside 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1719 He is still our President? Okay, wake me up in 2020. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1720 Man, they REALLY relaxed the dress code at Google. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1721 Mom you forgot my binky 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1722 If he can build his own crib, he's old enough. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1723 I'm sorry Gary. I know things were moving forward for us, but I am not leaving my "safe space" until Trump is out of office. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1724 Say, what's going on down there? The smell of pot woke me up! 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1725 I can't sleep. Tell me the Curious George goes to Wall Street story again. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1726 Honey, I'm sorry for acting like a big baby. But this isn't helping. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1727 Ma, I hate to spoil your party, but I've grown ten years. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1728 I'm ready for my latte now. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1729 It's time for my shave. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1730 Mom, what's the wifi password? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1731 Mommy's coming....just one more tweet! 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1732 It's good to be back home, Mom... Mom? Mom? Mom? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1733 Just be happy I can feed myself. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1734 Let me know when the 4 years is up. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1735 This is the last time I do a favor for my brother. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1736 Is this what they mean by helicopter parenting? 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1737 If the short-fingered Vulgarian can do it, so can you. Stay fifteen forever and still become president! Really! 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1738 That's the last time I bet against the Patriots. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1739 Room Service could you please send up a fresh diaper. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1740 Come on folks. It was cribbage I wanted to learn. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1741 Brad, you're 28, we don't monitor you anymore. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1742 Is anyone out there? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1743 Mom, I'm not a little kid anymore. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1744 Actually, when I said I could reduce my study time with a crib sheet... 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1745 You'll never believe what my mom did when I admitted I used a crib during my math test. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1746 I have to go now, it's time for my breast feeding. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1747 Maybe it's time to grow up Wendy 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1748 Alright Fiona, you win. Your bed is miserably hard & pj's are too tight. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1749 Mom, I forgot to tell you I have a History paper due tomorrow. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1750 I'm the only teenager who doesn't want his own crib. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1751 Yes, Mr. President, I can come over and play. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1752 Just one more Game of Thrones and we'll be right there. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1753 Young Rip awakens from a preview of his bleak future. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1754 "Mom, can I get up now? I have an appointment at the Army recruiters in an hour. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1755 That's my point: the whole world is out there. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1756 Sure I have a great bachelor crib but I just feel like going out tonight 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1757 Steve, it's Reince. It's really scary right now. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1758 You said it would only be four years. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1759 No, not until you say you're sorry for voting for Gary Johnson 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1760 Mom, can I get my iPhone back? 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1761 S'up, mom? Just chillin' in my crib. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1762 Suddenly, James realized just how much his parents really like veal. 1.1855 0.04633 124 108 9 7
1763 Mom! I left my iPhone in the car. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1764 Mom? Dad? I've needed a diaper change for, like, fifteen years. 1.1855 0.04633 124 108 9 7
1765 Do you know how long I've been waiting for a diaper change? 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1766 Mom, Dad? Besides the BLT, can you also bring me a latte? 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1767 This role playing has gotten out of hand. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1768 Now hear this! I'M FOURTEEN, YOU IDIOTS! 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1769 Read it again, mommy. Read me "The Overly Selective Ivy League College, and the Woefully Inadequate Financial Aid Package." 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1770 Yes. Mama. I'm a big boy now. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1771 But I don't want to go to college when I'm twenty-five. 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1772 Nobody ever listens to me. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1773 Then end the tweet with "sad"; don't forget the exclamation mark! 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1774 Peter Pan here. I was clearly told I would not grow up! 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1775 Is this on? 1.1840 0.04308 125 107 13 5
1776 Of all the days for Freaky Friday to occur. And I get no reception in here. 1.1840 0.04455 125 108 11 6
1777 I asked for a cellphone not a baby monitor. 1.1840 0.04455 125 108 11 6
1778 Would you please bring me my mobile and pacifier? 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1779 Mom,Dad, stop treating me like a child! 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1780 OK, I'm 21 - can you let me out now? 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1781 "Would it kill ya to do a visual check once in a while?" [note: visual check in italics] 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1782 Note to self: This isn't working. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1783 This is Rip Jr., I'm awake! 1.1803 0.03863 122 102 18 2
1784 Mom, I'm fine, just having a moment with my old PJs 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1785 only 90's kids would understand 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1786 Mom, my professor wants my term paper tomorrow so I need you to proofread it before morning. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1787 You promise when I was 12 I could have a big-boy bed! 1.1803 0.03495 122 100 22 0
1788 Mom! I'm a big boy now! 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1789 Once upon a time, in a land that was once known as the United States of America.... 1.1803 0.04511 122 106 10 6
1790 Hello?!! I think you shipped the wrong iPhone and bed. 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1791 This is the last time I'm sending you to IKEA by yourself 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1792 Can anyone hear me? 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1793 Big Mother is watching. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1794 Okay kids, what did you do with your mother? 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1795 "Mom, Dad. I just had my first nocturnal emission". 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1796 You are one and a half years old and you are telling me its a bluetooth issue? 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1797 Can anyone hear me? 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1798 It's time for my soccer lesson. 1.1803 0.04511 122 106 10 6
1799 Room service??? 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1800 Sorry, I can't go to the movies with you --- I'm in time out. 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1801 "May I come out now? You've made your point about the 'crybaby generation' ". 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1802 A small cheese and sausage pizza and a chocolate malt. Please. 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1803 Note to Mom: Shift the 9AM play date to 10 to accommodate late wake-up. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1804 Do NOT post this! 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1805 Mom, I take it back, I am not transage! 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1806 Finally, I have your attention! 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1807 Doesn't time fly 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1808 911 Help I am being held in a playpen 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1809 I just don't think you're ready for parenting. 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1810 When you take the phrase ‘don’t grow up too fast’ too literally. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
1811 I still can't drop that 2am feed. 1.1803 0.03863 122 102 18 2
1812 What to Expect When You're Expecting: Week 192 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
1813 Is he still in office? 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
1814 You're the one who's being a baby 1.1750 0.04374 120 104 11 5
1815 Who said Millenials are more responsible and mature faster? 1.1750 0.03679 120 100 19 1
1816 I'm pretty sure this is not how it's supposed to work. 1.1750 0.03864 120 101 17 2
1817 And I thought barring us from the news briefing was bad. 1.1750 0.04532 120 105 9 6
1818 Hello. Is anybody there? Does anybody care? 1.1750 0.04042 120 102 15 3
1819 Gen Z work space. 1.1750 0.04042 120 102 15 3
1820 Mom, Dad, I know this worked when I was a baby, but couldn't you just take my car keys away? 1.1750 0.03864 120 101 17 2
1821 This is a test...Waaaaaaaaaaaa...this has been a test. 1.1750 0.04042 120 102 15 3
1822 I have a hard stop at bath time. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1823 How do I text over this thing? 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1824 You can't keep me away from CNN forever. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1825 Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuuuuuuuck. Fucky Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuck. 1.1750 0.04684 120 106 7 7
1826 Is anyone listening? 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1827 Alexa, turn off the night light. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1828 Can someone change my diaper? I'm running late for the prom. 1.1750 0.03864 120 101 17 2
1829 Hey Mom, Dad....I think I'm overdue for an upgrade to a cell phone. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1830 "Age-neutral" is hardly a choice, Mother. 1.1750 0.03864 120 101 17 2
1831 Mom. Please don’t wait for the sale—buy me my bed now. 1.1750 0.03679 120 100 19 1
1832 Hello? Unattended privileged white male in here!" 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1833 The usual late night snack, over. 1.1750 0.04042 120 102 15 3
1834 Mom? Dad? We're gonna need a bigger crib. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1835 Mom, I think you are taking this helicopter parenting too far. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
1836 Come on honey, you know I hate when you infantalize me! 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
1837 Okay, so here's the thing: it's been 13 years folks.......time to buy a bed, right? 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
1838 Mom, don't forget you're driving me to my Adulting class tomorrow. 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
1839 Mom, Dad, I'm leaving for college next week. Time for a big boy bed. 1.1736 0.03651 121 101 19 1
1840 Anchor Steam, gorgonzola cheese burger and sweet potato fries, please. 1.1736 0.04340 121 105 11 5
1841 Roger that, helicopter Mom. Cleared for landing and 3AM feeding. 1.1736 0.04011 121 103 15 3
1842 Why didn't you call me? 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
1843 Yes, I'm still "Mommy's little boy", but . . . 1.1721 0.03980 122 104 15 3
1844 Mom? Dad? I think I'm ready for my own channel now. 1.1721 0.04611 122 108 7 7
1845 Honey, could you bring me another glass of chardonnay? 1.1721 0.03980 122 104 15 3
1846 Mom, you've always said that age is just a number 1.1721 0.03806 122 103 17 2
1847 He sleeps straight through the night, eats everything on his plate, and plays nicely. Yes, he can start immediately. 1.1721 0.03980 122 104 15 3
1848 Yo - Beiber here. Just hangin' in my crib. 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
1849 Mom and Dad, I am ready for a new bed 1.1721 0.03980 122 104 15 3
1850 David, it's your mother, you're almost 16, over 1.1721 0.03806 122 103 17 2
1851 This new anti-aging regimen isn't working. 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
1852 I think you're taking this role playing a little too seriously, Margaret. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1853 Why would you say I'm over-protective? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1854 Crib one, this is crib two. Do you read? 1.1695 0.03864 118 100 16 2
1855 Barron Trump listening to his parents have sex. 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
1856 Someday I'll make this crib great again. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1857 I ordered that pizza hours ago. 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
1858 Hello, Mom? That new baby formula from Wonderland Inc has side effects! 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
1859 "Mommy has 15 more minutes in time out. Talk amongst yourselves". 1.1695 0.03864 118 100 16 2
1860 I'll stop crying once we lose the stroller. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1861 I want my bottle of beer. 1.1695 0.03671 118 99 18 1
1862 This is what it was like before mobile phones. I get it. Can I have my phone back now? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1863 The kids say I'm helicoptered. 1.1695 0.03671 118 99 18 1
1864 Mom, can I Skype my interview from this thing? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1865 Millennial rent control 1.1695 0.03469 118 98 20 0
1866 Hello, is the baby in bed and asleep yet? 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
1867 Just stay here while your advisors run the country for you. 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
1868 The back button is definitely working on your time transporter. 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
1869 Is it time to grow up yet? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1870 Okay, I'll put on my big-boy pants. 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
1871 Hello. Is this President Trump? My mother told me to talk with someone in my age group if I'm not sleepy. 1.1695 0.04709 118 105 6 7
1872 ...and then the Junior Executive got his own corner office and a BIIIIG Raise. Now go to sleep Honey. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1873 This is Ground Control to Major Mom. 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
1874 Don't you think he is too big to still be using a nightlight? 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
1875 Billy's birth is triggering some unresolved issues. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
1876 I wonder where she will make me sleep after the third child? 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
1877 Donald Trump's first attempt to tweet. 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
1878 Dad - just a million bucks and I'll grow up I promise. 1.1695 0.03864 118 100 16 2
1879 Mom, did you pay my rent? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1880 Can we negotiate this? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1881 And if you're still unable to sleep, you can transfer to the College of Liberal Arts. 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1882 I need to be changed. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1883 John finally realized what "act like a baby, get treated like a baby" meant. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1884 I didn't know this was part of the home schooling deal 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1885 I said Milk! Do I have to spell it for you? 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1886 Hello front desk, I asked for a room with a view of the lake... And... I need changing & my bottle... 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1887 Honey, I'm home 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1888 I've built this great wall, and now my parents are going to pay for it! 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1889 10-4 mama bear but baby bear needs you to drop the hammer on that glass of water. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1890 Somebody's got a stinky. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1891 I think I'll wait four more years. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1892 Mom, can I have crib service? 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1893 No,Mom,I don't have to go potty. It's time for me to drive you to your...um, doctor. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1894 This is the baby again. Tell grandpa not to make any more furniture.. Over. 1.1681 0.03442 119 99 20 0
1895 I think it's time for a big boy bed!! 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1896 Seriously, mom. This is not going to fool MENSA. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1897 The sex is great and all Mrs. Robertson, but you should probably see someone. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1898 My coping strategy may not work for everyone. 1.1681 0.03442 119 99 20 0
1899 Mum, Dad, you’re fired! 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1900 It's a wireless world now, Mom. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1901 Aw c'mon Ma all I said was Trump ain't so bad! 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1902 Can I use the car tonight? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1903 I can't Snapchat! I'm grounded five years into the past. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1904 Can you come turn off the night-light? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1905 And I'll have a glass of the Chateau Lafite Rothschild. 1.1681 0.04516 119 105 8 6
1906 Hey, who keeps pushing the fast forward button? 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1907 You think I should have gone with the rainbow jammies for the interview? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1908 I was the E-Trade baby. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1909 Mommy, what's a deductible? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1910 ...about 1'-11", sandy hair, light complexion, believed armed and quite fragrant. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1911 Next time you ask for a "twin-sized" bed, make sure to say how old the twins should be. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1912 Adulting is just so hard. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1913 This sound is coming from inside the playpen. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1914 Are all techies this fast growing? 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1915 Jen is taking her new baby sitting job far too literally. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1916 Hello, is this MTV's 'Cribs'? 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1917 Stop monitoring me. I'm an adult now. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1918 Hey Siri, can you please locate the nearest Zoltar Fortune Teller Machine for me? 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1919 Mom. This saving-for-college thing has gone too far! 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1920 Doreen, would you be a champ and bring over my wooden blocks for my childhood reenactment? 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1921 Mom, did you change the Netflix password again? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1922 I will make America great again. Now you just go to sleep. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1923 If you need me, I'm in the crib. Adulting was too hard today. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1924 Honey, Mommy needs to give herself a few more minutes in time-out before coming back downstairs. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1925 I should have asked for the King-sized crib. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1926 If I don't win the New Yorker caption contest, I'm not getting out. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1927 Isn't this crib part of that product recall? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1928 I need a drink of vodka. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1929 Four years of time-out is a bit much. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1930 Have you seen my initiative? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1931 Mom, I think you need to cut back on those growth hormones you've been giving me. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1932 I don't know if I should be concerned about blacking out last night, or take a nap. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1933 I literally, like, can't even. 1.1681 0.04516 119 105 8 6
1934 Hi, sweetie. So I took my sorry ass back to my own crib, like you said. Now what do I do? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1935 Damn it! Honey, she got me again. I'm stuck in the crib. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1936 Mum, Dad, you there? Hey, this is getting beyond a joke. 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1937 Try as he might, Toby couldn't rekindle the spark with Mr. Flopsy 1.1681 0.04516 119 105 8 6
1938 I prefer cloth because they're better for the environment. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1939 What does 'mollycoddle' mean? 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1940 A Night at the Whitehouse. 1.1681 0.04516 119 105 8 6
1941 Can't make it tonight...my parents put me in time out again. 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1942 Hello, are you there internet? 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1943 For the hundredth time mom, I am not Benjamin Button. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1944 I just needed a safe space. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1945 They told me at the police academy that my youthful looks would help me get undercover assignments, but this is ridiculous! 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1946 After six years of the Ferber Method, Donald sensed his parents were beginning to crack. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1947 Look, I'm very sorry I forgot it was Mother's Day. Can I come out of time-out now? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1948 I just shut my eyes and clicked my heels together three times and wished I was in my safe place. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1949 Hey mom, could you put the coffee on, getting a late start. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1950 You can come and get me now. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1951 Well, honey, because the dog's on the couch so I'm out of options. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1952 Did it never occur to them to check the batteries? 1.1681 0.04516 119 105 8 6
1953 Damn these students loans. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1954 Why can't I use the car? 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1955 Helicopter parents are REALLY annoying! 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1956 Calm down, sweetie! Mommy still has a few minutes left on her timeout. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1957 This is 'Snowflake' - over... 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
1958 Mommy, can you bring my tax refund? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1959 Sweetie, I'm sorry I was acting like a baby--can I come back to bed now? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1960 Demean me all you want, your factory jobs aren't coming back. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1961 I'm not going to sleep tonight until you give me back my iPhone. 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1962 Can you at least get me an iphone? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1963 I'm older than the babysitter. 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1964 But the really weird part is my nightlight. 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
1965 Mom? Not that it hasn't been a lovely visit, but maybe tomorrow we can go out and get you a cat or two. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1966 Mommy, I dreamed that the liberal media are trying to silence me again! 1.1681 0.04356 119 104 10 5
1967 I promise I'll eat my peas if I can upgrade to a twin. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
1968 I think I'm over this 'progressive' parenting. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1969 I'd prefer the basement. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1970 Billy felt he was getting too old for this shit. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
1971 THIS IS THE BEST ACCOMMODATION MY NEW TRUMP-CARE POLICY COULD ARRANGE! 1.1681 0.04516 119 105 8 6
1972 Mom, I don't want to be your little boy anymore. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
1973 Diaper change, copy? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1974 I hope you are happier in bed with the baby than you were with me. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1975 They say a person grows most during the first weeks of their life. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1976 This Peter Pan thing is overrated. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1977 Listen, Priebus, nobody talks to Barron Trump for less than ten thousand dollars. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1978 Wrong line Vladimir, I think you're looking for Michael Flynn, Senior 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1979 Well of course you're tired... you've had a long narcissistic day. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1980 I'm going to cry myself to sleep now. You can turn off the monitor. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
1981 Hey, girlfriend!How about coming over and checking out my new bachelor crib? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1982 Please, just one cigarette. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1983 Alexa, please turn off the light. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1984 I'm sensing some separation anxiety. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
1985 Coming soon to HBO: Lena Dunham's new series, "Babies." 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
1986 Admit you're a terrible big brother and I'll let you out. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
1987 OK, mom! No sex before marriage. Can I finish my homework now? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1988 Age and maturity are not the same. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
1989 In other alt-news, Donald Trump was a bad boy on Twitter, and his phone was taken away, as he was sent to bed without dinner...Again. 1.1624 0.04535 117 104 7 6
1990 Little Oedipus want more breastmilk. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
1991 None of my friends living at home with their parents have to sleep in their original baby crib. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1992 I want to be an editor. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
1993 Yo, my crib is super tight. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
1994 I'm trying to relive my lost childhood 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1995 Act like a baby, and we're going to treat you like a baby. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
1996 The humble beginnings of covert operations. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1997 Dad. Stop tweeting and go to bed! 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
1998 Chopper Mom, my light night is a bit too bright. Over and out, Millennial. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
1999 Yo, player. I'm chillin in my crib. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2000 It's 3 a.m.; are you absolutely certain we want to have kids? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2001 Mom? How about putting you as my biggest influence in the Harvard application? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2002 Ok, you're just going to have to trust me when I tell you what's going on. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2003 Peter, can you hear me...Tink, you there? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2004 Come in Big Daddy. This is Little Girl. Over. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2005 These minimum security prisons are a bit of a joke ain’t they Charles 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2006 I'm done adulting! Over. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2007 Mom, are you there? "Crackle" When I said I wanted my own crib, I didn't mean now--and I didn't mean THIS. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2008 Just a hunch, but I don't think this gadget monitors issues with my pituitary gland. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2009 Alexa, what are the civil penalties for child abuse? 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2010 Mom, Dad I think it's time. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2011 I mean, how difficult can it be to get Tinker Bell on speed dial? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2012 MOM? 1.1624 0.04695 117 105 5 7
2013 Steve. . . ? Reince. . . ? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2014 We'll let you move to a bigger bed after your father writes your college entrance exam tomorrow. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2015 Well, I happen to think I'm very mature. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2016 Are you done with "mommy time" yet? 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2017 How's working from your crib, man? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2018 Congratulations, your 20 years in the pen are up. You start parole next Tuesday. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2019 Hello? Tinkerbell? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2020 ACLU? My parents forgot my Miranda warning. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2021 I could be president of the United States one day. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2022 Wait. Was I supposed to do waaa with one syllable or waaa-aaa with two? 1.1624 0.04535 117 104 7 6
2023 Uh, Mom . . . this wasn't what I meant by "safe space." 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2024 I'm thirsty. Can I have a Scotch "on the rocks"? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2025 Yes, mom, I know I said I wanted a nicer crib... 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2026 Beam me up Scotty. The universal translator doesn't work. The natives are hostile, can't be reasoned with and have imprisoned me in one of their nests 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2027 Practicing my role as Donald Trump in the school play. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2028 Hello Room Service; I'd like to order a small pizza and soda for the room at the top of the stairs. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2029 Mayday... Mayday. I need a bed before high school. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2030 It's not my fault I'm a second-generation millennial. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2031 I just need to sleep in here till he gets impeached! 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2032 Just tell me when it's safe to come out. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2033 Is there anybody out there? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2034 I'll have my bottle now. Please make it an IPA this time. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2035 What do you mean what skill sets I can showcase?! I am an MBA. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2036 My mom still treats me like a baby after all these years. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2037 I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Where are you? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2038 Mom? Is it 2021 yet? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2039 Mom, I think I need a new bed. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2040 Take me to Neverland. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2041 When you don't check on me, I feel cranky. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2042 I'd rather broadcast nonsensical drivel than listen to any more of it 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2043 You keep treating me like a baby. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2044 Millennial 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2045 Do I really need to stay here four more years? 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2046 Is anyone out there? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2047 Do you have that in extra large? 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2048 Almost ready to walkie. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2049 Tinkerbell, get me out of here. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2050 Our wish was granted! We woke up after the next presidential election. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2051 The cradle ain't a bad grave 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2052 I thought this had unlimited minutes. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2053 C'mon you two, even Skinner gave up after a while! 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2054 Are you there, NSA? It's me, Margaret. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2055 I think you've taken helicopter parenting just a bit too far. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2056 Beam me up. Now 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2057 Yes, yes, I am very sorry. Now, please, can I have dinner? 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2058 Can I have that glass of water now? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2059 Mom, can Tinker Bell come over tonight? 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2060 I really hope they can't hear me vaping. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2061 I promise, no more tattoos. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2062 I already brushed my teeth—10-4 copy. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2063 I just wanted to see what the White House felt like. 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2064 When do I get to have a Twitter account and run for president? 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2065 Mom, Dad I think it's time. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2066 Does this have a wifi hotspot? 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2067 MOM? 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2068 Could we hang out at your crib next time? 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2069 I have never slept better 1.1624 0.04535 117 104 7 6
2070 I think I've outgrown the app. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2071 Your guest room really makes me feel like I'm part of the family, to put it mildly. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2072 Switching the devices seemed like a good idea at the time. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2073 Hello from the other side 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2074 Just another overgrown baby destined to brag about his big hands. 1.1624 0.04370 117 103 9 5
2075 Honey, can I get up now? 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2076 Beer bottle, beer bottle, beer bottle! 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2077 Gee Mom, thanks for letting me move back to my crib. Just one thing,... 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2078 Mom? Dad? I think it is time to accept that I've grown out of this crib since I got my first college acceptance letter yesterday 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2079 I'm sure of it, his tweet said 'we are going to make cribs great again' 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2080 Thanks Obama 1.1624 0.04535 117 104 7 6
2081 Don't they know that the battery died 15 years ago 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2082 Putin from Trump, Putin from Trump ,can you hear me? Over and out. 1.1624 0.04535 117 104 7 6
2083 Mom, let my girlfriend know i'm in my room 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2084 What? You're just a security monitor? 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2085 Another seven years, son. Then we'll talk about upgrading to a smartphone. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2086 Mom? I'm hoping for a change. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2087 Mom, remember that new baby food? 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2088 Major Tom to ground control?! 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2089 Copy I checked the crib no signs of the baby here, 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2090 My diaper is full. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2091 I think The Parents have made me. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2092 Sometimes I just feel trapped. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2093 ... and I say the terms of my house arrest DO allow me to go to the bathroom. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2094 Is nap time over yet? 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2095 I'm beginning to feel neglected. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2096 Beam me up Scotty - fast! 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2097 I dunno, I guess what I really mean to say is 'WAAAAAA' 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2098 Mommy, I'm ready for my bedtime story. But remember -- don't forget the trigger warning tonight. 1.1565 0.04718 115 104 4 7
2099 So we’re agreed then – it’s passed my bedtime. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2100 If you give me back my phone I could google how to grow up. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2101 Mom, please.....I promise I'll stop imitating the president in front of your friends. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2102 His two terms are finally over? For real? OK, I'm coming out...2024, here I come! 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2103 Yo. We out of diapers, or what? 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2104 Hi, mom and dad. This is the baby. I'd like a glass of water, please, and a magazine. ... Oh, yeah: Waah, waah, waah. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2105 I realize the ad said 'chill downtown crib' - but... 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2106 Sleep tight! 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2107 Is this thing on? 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2108 My therapist told me that to cope with my depression I should try and bring out my inner child. 1.1565 0.04383 115 102 8 5
2109 I promise I'll eat my dinner,,,,,, over! 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2110 You know I hate it when you call me baby. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2111 If I Friend you, can we lose the monitor? 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2112 Mommy, I'm a millennial & my phone is NOT a toy! 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2113 Can one of you bring me my Hydro Flask? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2114 Does this crib come with room service? 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2115 Mom, could you please bring me my pacifier? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2116 ..........and a couple of eggs over easy. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2117 Mom, where is twitter on this gizmo? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2118 Mom, can we skip the 11 o'clock feeding? I'm feeling bloated. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2119 Mom, I need a gluten free snack. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2120 The only problem is there just isn't room enough in our NY apartment for a full size bed for Tommy. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2121 Mom? Dad? Is it safe to grow up yet? 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2122 Is it safe to come out yet? 1.1565 0.03403 115 97 18 0
2123 In my fifteenth year I realized that the recession affects children the most. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2124 C'mon, I've been waiting a long time to pee. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2125 Honey? I think it's time you moved out of the nursery and got a job. Over. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2126 Mommy? Daddy? It’s time for my snack-- and I think my SATs! 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2127 Is this thing working? 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2128 The cheapest room in the Hotel California. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2129 Hey Mom! Are you there? It's been 15 years! 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2130 Nap time is over, you fools! 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2131 Yes, raging teenage rebellion. In a sippy cup, please. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2132 I know you wanted to adopt an infant, but seriously? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2133 Yeah. That's right. I'm making a break for it, see? 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2134 It's not helping. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2135 This isn't what I meant when I said no one listens to me around here. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2136 Goodnight Grandma, thanks again for the latest cell phone. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2137 Bless me monitor for I have sinned. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2138 No Kellyanne, your timeout is not over yet. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2139 Grandma, don't you think I'm too old for a time out? 1.1552 0.03591 116 99 16 1
2140 Mom, is the monster gone yet? 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2141 This isn't as sexy as I thought it'd be. 1.1552 0.03591 116 99 16 1
2142 ...so this is my take on 'thinking outside of the box' 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2143 Room service? I'd like to order breakfast. half a pint of orange juice 3 eggs lightly scrambled with bacon, a double portion of cafe espresso with cream. Toast. Marmalade. Got it? 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2144 This isn't better than Obamacare! 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2145 Wwhhhaaaaaaa...I thought he'd be out of the house by now. 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2146 No, I DON'T think I have a Mommy complex. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2147 This wasn't exactly the "loft space above the garage" I was expecting when I moved back in with them after my startup went belly up. 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2148 OK, you win...the crib does need a mattress. 1.1552 0.04171 116 102 10 4
2149 What happened to grounding? 1.1552 0.04347 116 103 8 5
2150 Tell Dad to text me that talk. 1.1552 0.04171 116 102 10 4
2151 I'm telling ya, this pen ain't big enough to hold me. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2152 Mom? Dad? My jammies have all of a sudden gotten too tight... I feel funny. 1.1552 0.04171 116 102 10 4
2153 Yo Yo Yo, just chillin in ma crib yo ... 1.1552 0.04171 116 102 10 4
2154 They never think to look for me here. 1.1552 0.03591 116 99 16 1
2155 Don't make me come down there. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2156 Donnie, its' 3:00 a.m. Put the baby monitor down and go to sleep! 1.1552 0.04171 116 102 10 4
2157 Still 2017... 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2158 Note to self: Get bigger pajamas and a larger crib. 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2159 Now that I've been accepted at State, do you think I could have a mobile? 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2160 See, living at my parents isn't so bad. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2161 Hello, Mom. I'm old enough to go to college . Can I come out now? 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2162 ...and cancel my 9:00 AM play date, they had a cancellation at the Gymboree! 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2163 It's been 35 years. Can I get up now? 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2164 Youth is wasted on the young. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2165 I'm not loving our new role-play scenario. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2166 Mommy, I don't know how to shut off the night light. It's too low tech 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2167 "I just want to say one word to you: Plastics". 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2168 Thanks again for the do-over, Mom and Dad. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2169 Class of 2022 Freshman Orientation. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2170 Mom, don't you think I old enough now that I no longer need the night light? 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2171 Mommy, can I have a drink of beer? 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2172 Where's my teddy bear? — 10-4. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2173 I shouldn't've told them I identified as a girl. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2174 Yes, Mom, I like the dorm room. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2175 ...so then there was this cookie... 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2176 I am hungry...how about a pizza instead of a bottle? 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2177 Mom , Dad, are you listening? I think the helicopter parenting has gone far enough. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2178 Mom, my Tinder isn't working. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2179 Wake up mother. Donald is hungry. Tremendously hungry. Donald has the greatest hunger. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2180 Now I understand why our generation is so coddled. 1.1504 0.04395 113 101 7 5
2181 They'll be back. They only left to get milk. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2182 He said he was going to step out for a minute, and he asked me to hold the fort. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2183 Uh, can we talk about moving my bedtime from 7:00 p.m. to midnight? 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2184 The bubble burst. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2185 College isn't so bad, Mom. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2186 I'll have a vodka martini -- shaken not stirred. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2187 I know you can hear me, Dad. And it's your turn to change me. 1.1504 0.04395 113 101 7 5
2188 It's called retrograding, it's totally like the new juice cleanse. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2189 Stop reading the manufacturer's instructions and listen to your son. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2190 I lost my binki. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2191 HELLO!! I polished off that bottle of Chardonnay over an hour ago! Can someone get in here to change my diaper, PRONTO?! 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2192 If you are going to act like a baby, we are going to treat you like a baby. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2193 I prefer "pillow talk" to "baby talk." 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2194 I'm grounded. I leaked! 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2195 It's been 30 years, but I still have hope. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2196 Can I get up now, mother? I have to go to work. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2197 Mom, please, everyone at college is treating me great. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2198 I wanna glass of lager! 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2199 This new stress relief method still needs wine. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2200 I can't sleep. Could you read to me? My "50 Shades of Grey. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2201 Peter Pan is captivated by his new discovery. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2202 I must have been a beautiful baby but hey would you look at me now! 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2203 Mom, can I use the tricycle Saturday nught? 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2204 Tinkerbell....Are you there? 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2205 I've heard of waking up in a bathtub full of ice, but this is a first. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2206 Tinkerbell, come in . . . Tink? 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2207 I'm just feeling awfully stressed out, Mom. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2208 Mom and Dad, I think this is taking Parental Controls on my computer way too far, don't you? 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2209 Please mom, Iam twelve and I really need a big boy bed. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2210 Are you sure it's not YOU who's crying out for help? 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2211 What if I promise to stop eating your Thin Mints? 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2212 Hey Mick - get me out of your cartoon! 1.1491 0.03786 114 99 13 2
2213 The son you were waiting for to rise has risen. 1.1491 0.03986 114 100 11 3
2214 Make me young again! 1.1491 0.03575 114 98 15 1
2215 In other news, the world is still a mess 1.1491 0.03575 114 98 15 1
2216 Mom, Dad, I really promise I won't grow up too fast. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2217 Yo, mom, I just had the nightmare about growing up again. Can you console me? 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2218 Did I leave the BMW in the driveway last night? 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2219 Yes, Mr. President, I have a question about this new briefing room... 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2220 Is anybody there? Does anybody care? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2221 Mom? Dad? I'll give you one more week before I start crying. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2222 Honey, I'm just trying to relive my childhood. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2223 I remember you saying "If you act like a baby, you'll be treated like a baby." But I thought you were threatening Trump on TV. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2224 I'm going to run away as soon as I figure out how to get out of here. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2225 Please Dad, can I use the car tonight! 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2226 They are so neglectful - letting the batteries run out. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2227 Why won't anyone come and help me?! I'm only a 420-month-old baby! 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2228 Well, I read about it on Goop. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2229 Slow down! No, I'm not ready for whipped cream! 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2230 Proof giving your baby steroids is a no-no. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2231 Da Da. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2232 I can't play today they built the wall. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2233 Mother it's harder to cut the cord with wireless devices. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2234 ...and furthermore, regarding my development I have checked and there is some definite stunting at play here. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2235 Papa John's! Papa John's! Can you hear me? 1.1429 0.03321 112 96 16 0
2236 Now I'll start crying and you decide if your gut is telling you 'Ferber' or 'compassionate parenting.' 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2237 Baby-Daddy calling Baby-Momma, come in, over.......... 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2238 Mom, my safe space needs cable. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2239 Nobody is more of a grown-up than me. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2240 How many more years do I have to be I n Time Out? 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2241 copy, checked the crib and there is no sign of the baby 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2242 Hey, you guys got any chocolate milk? 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2243 When I turned 192 months I was parallel parking! 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2244 Mom? Dad? This is Rip. It's been 13 years, so can I get up now? 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2245 Okay, i'll eat my brussel sprouts, just let me out of here! 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2246 Is everything OK in there? Is this thing on? Can you here me now? I feel like I've been here for a long time. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2247 Can I use the tricycle tonight? 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2248 I think I'm on this too long, but please Siri, Goodnight Moon just one more time. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2249 Go back to sleep, Tommy! We'll talk about it when you're eighteen. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2250 Mom, for the hundredth time, I'm not paying for these walls. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2251 Mom, when you get a sec, can I have another hit of breast milk? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2252 I'll leave when there are other safe places in the house. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2253 I said I'm old enough for my own crypt! 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2254 Doesn't Uncle Donald want his bed back soon? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2255 C'mon Mom, I promise to stop sexting your friends. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2256 When are you coming to bed, Baby Doll? 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2257 You can't miss it. It's the pink and blue house with all the super baby mobiles hanging from the trees. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2258 Beam me up. Now 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2259 So this is what it's like to be President. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2260 Mom, is it time to go to the prom? 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2261 Mom! Dad! All those years - and not one phone call! 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2262 The memory foam is definitely working. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2263 9-1-1, I want to report a case of child neglect. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2264 I'd get the water myself, but it's a safety crib. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2265 Sure, I'll take a shot of breast milk with my root bear float. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2266 Maybe next time, I could come to the movie? 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2267 12 years a slave - the Disney musical. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2268 Testing ...one two three . 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2269 I told you it's not being transmitted to the Kremlin. 1.1429 0.03321 112 96 16 0
2270 Oh, you're preparing me for life after college. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2271 Heck I know it got a lot of hits mom, but 'Charlie Bit My Finger' was 10 years ago, it's time to move on. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2272 Hey mom, I think you shrunk my pajamas when you did my laundry. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2273 I think I figured out what "helicoptoring parents" means. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2274 Mom, come look, I finally got plenty of sleep and ate right. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2275 My mom and dad are the best helicopter parents ever 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2276 Relax honey, he'll grow out of it. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2277 I'm on a self-imposed time-out. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2278 Steve, what do I tweet next? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2279 I'll have a diaper change. Men's large, please. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2280 No, Jimmy, you can't have another Red Bull. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2281 Can you tell me a bedtime story? But not the one about the parents who tire of their son's refusal to grow up and abandon him in the woods. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2282 Just cause you say I'm a crybaby, you didn't have to banish me to this crib. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2283 Better prepare Junior for his post-college life at home. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2284 Yes, mom, I voted already. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2285 Do you think I'm getting too big for my britches? 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2286 Mom, I think the bed is shrinking! 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2287 Mom, I know i'm 35. Where's my blankey? 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2288 Mommy, was that nap long enough? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2289 You lied about Santa, maybe you’re lying about Neverland, too. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2290 You are about the enter a time and place know as the twilight zone. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2291 Forget graduation, the SAT, and college! I want my binky! 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2292 This has nothing to do with my relationship with my mom! 1.1429 0.04368 112 101 6 5
2293 Honey, the baby's not due for three months! 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2294 Can you hear me, Mom? Kids grow up faster nowadays! 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2295 Mom, please.....I promise I'll stop imitating the president in front of your friends. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2296 Where's my bottle? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2297 I wanted to be Peter Pan, but it turns out you have to take algebra anyway. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2298 I'm beginning to think that Primal Therapy doesn't work for Millennials. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2299 Room service? I'd like to place my order. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2300 It's Harrison Ford wanting landing clearance. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2301 I'm gonna need another eight ball of fairy dust. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2302 Sure I'm too old for a playpen, but do YOU want to go out there? 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2303 Will you please call my shrink. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2304 Mom, since it's been a extremely long time to deliver my request for a bottle, I'm changing my request to a pizza with pepperoni 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2305 And here's your millennial forecast: cloudy with 100% chance of special snowflakes. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2306 I did not get the nomination. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2307 Johnny to base. Crib shrinking. Out. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2308 Was it another one of those student debt nightmares? 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2309 Make sure the President is alerted to the Russians hacking baby monitors! 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2310 Mom, I've outgrown my jammies. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2311 I don't care that it's "king-size," Mom! 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2312 Hello???. I think someone can finally come in and physically check on me now. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2313 I guess our democracy is not the only thing regressing these days. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2314 Two eggs, whaaa, with hash browns, whaaa, and decaf, whaaa. Over. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2315 Breaker, breaker One Nine - I found your rubber ducky. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2316 An anti-aging cream that finally works! 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2317 He hit on the babysitter again. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2318 Consumer Reports top rated crib - check. Triple-digital-encryption-protected baby monitor - check. Eco-Halogen nighlight - check. Next step - find a mate. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2319 Is Trump's press conference over yet? 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2320 EXPLOR to starship Wonder...has there been some kind of mistake? ...over... 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2321 Hey mom...have you attached the car seat in the truck yet? Over. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2322 Ok they finally announced Best Picture, we should really go check on the little guy. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2323 The night light's keeping me awake...and I've got the opening presentation of the President's NSA council briefing at 7:00. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2324 Would you bring up my blanky please. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2325 Okay, I'm ready, Mr. Yiannopoulos. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2326 Hey honey, looks like I've been sleep eating again... you'll never guess what it was this time. 1.1429 0.04368 112 101 6 5
2327 1350 days. Then I'll be a grown up again. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
2328 Just tell the President that the order came from Steve Bannon. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2329 You’ll remember that tomorrow is my 27th birthday. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2330 Gaga goo goo. Are you happy now? 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2331 Let's skip the next feeding, Moms. I'll grab something on my date tonight. 1.1429 0.04179 112 100 8 4
2332 Honey, I think he's finally asleep. Let's have that discussion about his immaturity. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
2333 I got sent to my room for crying out loud. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2334 Daddy will tuck you in, right after she finishes the dishes 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2335 You can leave the pizza at the door and bill me, thanks. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2336 I'm trying to sleep like a baby, but it isn't helping with the insomnia. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2337 I'm thirsty, my pinkie toe hurts, and my Ironic Pangender Lit professor recommended me for Pre-Honors Prep. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2338 Are you there God? It's me, Margaret's mom. 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2339 And may you stay, forever young. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2340 Is the helicopter ready? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2341 The sandwich isn't going to make itself. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2342 Hello! Hello! .....This has got to be a bad dream! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2343 I *am* going to be President someday. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2344 Can I get out of here already? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2345 Honey,...requesting to meet the president at his level may be working. Do you see any long, black limousines in the driveway? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2346 I need to tinkle. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2347 Mom, have you seen my participation ribbons? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2348 Honey, have you seen my teddy bear? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2349 My parents baby me more!!!!!!!! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2350 Tear down the wall. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2351 Now I know what happens when I walk in my sleep. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2352 Stephen, you will always be my baby. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2353 Hey Ma, my Safe Space is wet again! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2354 I keep calling, but no one comes. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2355 And I say nap time has gone on long enough. 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2356 The WiFi in this place stinks! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2357 I'd like a 6 am wake-up call, plus concierge service. 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2358 Is anyone out there? I'm being held prisoner in preadolescence by my parents. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2359 That's not crying you're hearing these days! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2360 Why would I apologize? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2361 Why do they always have to baby me? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2362 I said I wanted a CELL phone... 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2363 Baby wants to learn to drive. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2364 Millennials are so coddled. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2365 I don't care if he is a Millennial living in our basement...stop babying him!! 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2366 We'll let you know when you're 'time out' is over. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2367 Hello Adele? 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2368 This isn't what I thought they meant by "pass the bar." 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2369 Little Bobby finally realized that 10 years was a long time not to be checked on. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2370 This is extreme coddling. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2371 Your beer and ham sandwich are on there way 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2372 Mom? Dad? At least give me bigger pajamas? Please? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2373 Major Tom to ground control?! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2374 I don't wanna grow up. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2375 It took awhile for Donald to leave his crib. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2376 You said this role-playing game was multi-player. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2377 You win. I promise I won't drunk Tweet anymore. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2378 so this is what it's like on this side of the baby monitor... 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2379 Can you come back one last time and tell me another fake news bedtime story? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2380 Broadcasting live from the Nanny Cam, it's the Inner Child in "I don't wanna grow up". 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2381 I'm ready for my lullaby. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2382 Look, I got nostalgic, alright? 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2383 Can you just listen? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2384 A dingo ate yo' baby! 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2385 I heard a noise. I think there may be a monster in the closet. 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2386 Mom, dad, look, I'm sorry I exceeded my data and I'm ready to connect again. Mom.............? Dad.................? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2387 Yes, I promise never to pee in my bed again. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2388 I want a bedtime story–my Miranda rights. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2389 That's silly, Honey. Mummy and daddy would never ignore you. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2390 This time on MTV Cribs... 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2391 Come get me when I'm Medicare eligible. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2392 Any chance I can think OUT of this box? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2393 This is POTUS here - what is it? You woke me up from my nap 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2394 But mommy is tired of playing psychodramatic therapy honey. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2395 Mom, I don't want to be disturbed. If anyone calls, please, let them know I am coloring my book. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2396 Sweetie, I'm starting to think the crib makes more of a statement about us. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2397 Mom, dad! I'm not 3 years old any more! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2398 But why should I sleep for another four years ? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2399 I thought time-outs stopped once I got to high school. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2400 Mom, can I have a sleepover? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2401 But mom, I don't even have Instagram on this. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2402 They said fatherhood could be confining. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2403 Peter Pan as a teenager. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2404 I find your tone to be inappropriate and infantilizing. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2405 Mommy, next year can I be president? 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2406 Billy outgrew the baby food and rattle, but still enjoyed keeping up with the neighbors' sex life. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2407 I wonder how long it's gonna take them to notice I'm too big for this playpen. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2408 Second childhood works for HIM, so why not ME? 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2409 ...you insisted on raising him as a Democrat, you change him. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2410 Testing,Testing,1-2-3,this is TigerMom in training,can you read me? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2411 A baby monitor, a deceased grandmother and a message from a German doll named Cayla: An act of faith, an unfathomable mystery or evidence of the surveillance state? Only you can decide. Welcome to The Twilight Zone. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2412 Mom, Dad, don't you think a nine year 'time-out' might be excessive? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2413 I don't know whether to give up my cellphone or my crib first! Is this what growing up's all about? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2414 Lately honey, this just seems to make more sense. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2415 I'll be needing 7 am wake-up call and a 7:30 breastfeeding with Maria. G'night, Mom. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2416 Not until 2020. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2417 I'm not a kid anymore. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2418 Mother, can I PUL-LEAZE get up and watch Steven Colbert? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2419 Mom? Dad? I'm ready for the internet. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2420 Welcome to my role-play dating app nightmare. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2421 And I say if we don't take Donald out now, he'll never amount to anything. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2422 If this thing had wheels, I’d be outta here! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2423 I think the batteries died about ten years ago. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2424 ...and tell little Ivanka daddy loves her. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2425 Please come. I think I may be late for starting school. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2426 You need to grow up, Donald. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2427 I'm thirteen! Time to check on me. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2428 Beam me up Scotty.... 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2429 When I grow up I'm going to be a nasty piece of work. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2430 Barack? Joe? Please? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2431 I'm thirsty, but can we try that organic hormone-free milk this time? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2432 Yes I see it now, you don't love the baby more 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2433 I don't know? I think it could be the GMO. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2434 Just checking on room service. You're a bit late. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2435 Yes, I'm striking for all brothers and sisters who sit behind bars. 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2436 Hello? Russia? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2437 Bad news, Mom: I made a wish at that fortune teller machine again. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2438 But, Mommy, President Trump thinks that going backward and putting up walls is good for us! 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2439 Just found out the 'replace' part of 'repeal and replace.' 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2440 You'll get out of "time out" when you start reporting the news that is appropriate 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2441 Maybe this whole parent enabling thing is real after all. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2442 I want some one to tell me what the hell I'm doing here. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2443 There are no safe places.......It is a nightmare. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2444 I'm still struggling to get into his mindset 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2445 This is your mother. Because I said so. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2446 I'm listening. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2447 Are you kidding me, this isn't a cell phone. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2448 Come in 20th century. Over. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2449 Roger that MOM, I need Pooh! Over. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2450 "All I "goo gooed" was 'I wish I could be big'". 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2451 Could I have a glass of water ? And please ... No I.C.E. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2452 Appaently Peter Pan was having second thoughts about telling his parents. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2453 OK, I take it back. My report card is not fake news. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2454 It's 3AM, time for a Tweet! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2455 This is your captain speaking.... 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2456 Living with my parents is great. I even have a full set of bars in my bedroom. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2457 So Mom, there's this girl I met at work-... No! That's not what I!-... Yes, Ma'am. You're the only woman in my life. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2458 What do you mean I have to act grown up to be president? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2459 Mom, I told you, my dream is to be the White House press secretary. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2460 Yes, I'm cribbing my homework. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2461 Where's my blank-ey? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2462 But MOM! You were supposed to tell them I want to work from home! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2463 No more house parties. I promise. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2464 What do you mean, you can't turn back time!! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2465 Donald if I told you once I've told you twice then before you hit send 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2466 I googled "playpen" but I think they got it all wrong. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2467 When do you think he'll grow out of his presidential phase? 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2468 I really gotta go potty. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2469 Alexa, why did I want to become a mother? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2470 All set, Mother. But seriously, we only have to convince the guy I'm 26. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2471 Mom, I am 17! 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2472 Watch the news like we ask you to and you wouldn't be in such a rush to grow up. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2473 My 30-year old finally found his safe space. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2474 Yes, this is room 803. One bottle of champagne and and order of oysters Rockefeller please. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2475 "Roger that". "When I grow up I want to be president of The United States". 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2476 Trump North to Trump South- The Donald has escaped. Repeat- The Donald has escaped! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2477 Good morning, Donald. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2478 Mommy, can I get a new bed so I can feel like a millennial? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2479 Testing, one, two, three. I have needs! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2480 Grow up already! 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2481 maybe i can reprogram this thing and then order a bed on amazon 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2482 I'm not rebelling, I'm seceding. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2483 Is this any way to treat your President? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2484 Wake me in 4 years. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2485 Honey... Let me know once you have him asleep. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2486 Mom, instead of monitoring me could you get me a bed and bigger pajamas? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2487 This is my punishment when I act childish. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2488 Are we vetted yet? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2489 I know its my bedtime, but can I please just watch the end of the Bachelor? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2490 MOM, you forgot to tuck me in! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2491 A little cramped, but otherwise good to go on the regression therapy. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2492 Alas, poor Yorick.. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2493 Don't worry , honey. We'll get a start on your college applications in the morning. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2494 I'm thirsty mom; it's rum-and-milk time 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2495 No can do, I have my Lithuanian vegan play-date at 10:00. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2496 Hey mom? Dad? I'm nervous about prom... 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2497 O.k. you're right. A ten p.m. curfew is very generous. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2498 This looks nothing like the pictures on the Air B and B webiste. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2499 How long did they say to do this Ferber thing? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2500 "OK, so you're not helicopter parents. You've proved your point! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2501 My parents think children are growing up too fast. 1.1364 0.03287 110 95 15 0
2502 Can I still have girls round? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2503 Attica! Attica! Attica! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2504 Was the bedtime story true? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2505 Mommy, does this mean no more 'special milk' time? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2506 Mom, Dad, can I PLEASE have my phone back? 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2507 No, my teacher didn't specify any particular musical style for the crib notes. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2508 MOM! You've gotta stop treating me like a baby! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2509 Roger, Peter Pan here -- ready for my blankey. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2510 I'd like a blunt and some cookies when you get the chance, Mom. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2511 So this is how Trump prepared for his new role 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2512 Can you hear me yet ? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2513 Dad? Dad? It's your son, Teddy Van Winkle. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2514 My parents say that I am too young for a smart phone 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2515 Why do they have to make these things so childproof? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2516 Need change. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2517 Can't I just text you? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2518 Mom...the night light keeps Morse-ing I'm adopted and Mexican 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2519 Hmmm, battery must have died. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2520 ssshh, you'll wake the baby!!! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2521 I'm androgynous, so a gender joke isn't going to work here. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2522 So this is what President Trump feels like. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2523 X-20 to Base: I guess I expected something different when they said 'Mother Ship'. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2524 Geez, President Trump will never believe I'm a natural born citizen! 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2525 The monitor says I've been in here for six years. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2526 Stop switching places with the baby, Ben. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2527 Mom, I need a fresh diaper. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2528 Judy, you are so wrong. I am not a big baby! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2529 It's me Jim...it seems Billy's birth has triggered some unresolved issues. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2530 Could you please just pick an interior designer? 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2531 Oh, they repealed Obamacare? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2532 You just think you're listening. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
2533 What time is the protest? 1.1364 0.04375 110 100 5 5
2534 10-4, Little Buddy. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
2535 I'm starting to feel infantilized. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
2536 pepperoni pizza and a coke please! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
2537 Hey honey are you there? I'm not sure what happened, but I'm guessing I've been asleep for quite awhile... 1.1351 0.03502 111 97 13 1
2538 Okay, honey, this time out is a little over the top. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
2539 Mommmm, I'm gen Z not millennial ! 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
2540 Think about it, at least like this, I won't move to the basement after college. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
2541 You knew this thing has a mike on both ends, right? 1.1351 0.03260 111 96 15 0
2542 Let me know when you finish nursing the baby. 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
2543 Of course I'm worried. I want to find him as much as you do. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
2544 Mom, I'm gonna be late for job interview. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
2545 Mom...MOM...can you bring me some Kombucha? 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
2546 I DO!--but they keep saying they're busy. 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
2547 Donny, now no more tweeting Be a good little boy for Uncle Stevie and go to sleep. 1.1351 0.04145 111 100 7 4
2548 We'll be a little later than we thought. 1.1351 0.03502 111 97 13 1
2549 Rip Van Winkle's first nap. 1.1351 0.04338 111 101 5 5
2550 Ready for my tuck-in 'Mommy'. Over 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
2551 I wonder what all that screaming was about 15 years ago. 1.1351 0.03502 111 97 13 1
2552 Don't get mad, but I've had a little accident. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
2553 Mommy, can I please have a monitor with apps? 1.1351 0.03260 111 96 15 0
2554 My inner child wants a glass of water 1.1296 0.04179 108 98 6 4
2555 You made your point. No more Ferber method. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2556 About that bunk bed 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2557 Mom/Dad: I'm 12 now. Can you please come get me. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2558 What's wrong with this picture? 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2559 Could you get me an IPhone? 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2560 They grow up so fast... 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2561 Just wanted you to know, despite your attentions and intentions I'm turning out to be no good. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2562 Sorry dear, but after three boys, I had to baby-proof our bedroom. 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
2563 I just had the weirdest dream. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2564 I'm not coming out 'til she's asleep. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2565 Are you sure you want 911? 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2566 Pete, yeah, I'm getting punished for it, too. I just wish they'd give me a beating. Even a 'time-out' would be better than these 'time-backs'. I'm not three, anymore." 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
2567 I don't understand why Emma gave it two stars. 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
2568 The only place I feel safe listening to presidential address. 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
2569 Well I wouldn't exactly call forgetting you had a baby for 6 years fake news Terry. 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
2570 But how do I text if I need help? 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2571 Ok, ok, ok. Let me out, and we can do this whole 'potty training' thing. Deal? 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2572 He built the wall. Got the wrong guy. Over. 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
2573 If he's behaving like a child, so can I. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2574 My parents told me it's to keep people out. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2575 A victim of their own device enters the time out space continuum. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2576 I may still live at home but I don't go to bed early on Saturday nights. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2577 This nanny-state is getting old. This nanny- state is getting old. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2578 Are you there, God? It's me, Marcus. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2579 I am in my play pen using PayPal. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2580 Who's my big boy? 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2581 I think I'm going through my 21-year-old life regression. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2582 Well, someone put baby in the corner. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2583 Working from home has its perks. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
2584 I think I'm ready to be bottle fed. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
2585 Sometimes I feel all penned up and melancholy. 1.1284 0.04143 109 99 6 4
2586 Is this really part of the university sleep study? 1.1284 0.03710 109 97 10 2
2587 Mom, please check your in box. 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
2588 Can I go back to being two? 1.1284 0.03710 109 97 10 2
2589 ....and don't forget the cribbage board and a hacksaw this time. 1.1284 0.04143 109 99 6 4
2590 When you finally move out of Grandma's house, do you think I'll get my own bed? 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
2591 The magic potion is working. Repeat.. the magic potion is working! 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
2592 Frankly I'd respond better to "Pookie". 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2593 Hey Mom, didya buy me the gender neutral diapers or not, just checkin'? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2594 Let's Get Together In My Crib. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2595 Hey Mom , I REEEEAAALLLLYYY need a fresh diaper!!! 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2596 I don't want to be in the Michael Jackson Fan Club anymore. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2597 I said second star to the right 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2598 Donald? It's Justin. Justin Trudeau. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2599 Don't you think I'm getting a little too big for this stuff? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2600 I think I'm confused. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2601 Honey, I'm not sure this regression therapy is working for me. Can I come back to the big girl bed? 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2602 Hand over the pacifier, and nobody will get hurt. 1.1226 0.04176 106 97 5 4
2603 This 51st "shade" is not a turn-on. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2604 The perimeter is secure, sir! No babies are getting in or out on MY watch...! 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2605 Could I have some milk? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2606 um...why is mommy yelling at daddy.. DON'T STOP .... DON'T STOP? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2607 If acting like a child can with the Presidency, imagine what this will do for my career! 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2608 Hello? Is there anyone there? It's now two and a half minutes to midnight and I really need to know where my helicopter parents are. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2609 I can't keep agreeing to switch beds like this. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2610 9-1-1? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2611 Honey, I'm worried we may be taking "cry it out" a bit too far. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2612 Beam me up Scotty.... 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2613 Honey, can you please bring me my milk? 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2614 It's not my fault you ignored it when I was small. 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2615 Blueprints for the new Oval Office 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2616 Press 1 for kitchen, press 2 for tv room, press 3 to speak to an operator. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2617 Just let me know when it is finally over! 1.1226 0.04176 106 97 5 4
2618 I've had some alternate ideas on how to avoid college debt, Mom. Mom? Hello? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2619 At this stage of my development it occurs to me that they are probably dead. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2620 How much longer until January 20, 2021? 1.1226 0.04176 106 97 5 4
2621 Ok. I get it. No more Twittering after midnight. 1.1226 0.04385 106 98 3 5
2622 Hmm, just found this new portable . . . what's this? "The Giants Win the Pennant, the Giants Win the Pennant!!" 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2623 There are some things we never outgrow!" 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2624 Mom, is that my Yale acceptance letter you're reading? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2625 Homeland Security...over. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2626 Can I come out now? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2627 I just think that it's time for a real bed, and also that I could just text this to you. 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2628 There's a troll in my Snapchat. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2629 Beats having to share the blankets with you. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2630 My third time out today. 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2631 Listen Mom, I'll go along and let aunt Edna think I'm still a baby while she's staying with us. But I swear the next time she tries to put a diaper on me, I'll put her lights out! 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2632 Johnny is still a baby. Do not send him to school. Johnny is still a baby. Do not send him to school … 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2633 I'm paying a lot of money to be at this school, the least the resident assistant can do is bring me some water. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2634 I am sorry but mean Mr. Trump is making you get off our insurance tomorrow. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2635 How I wonder where you are. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2636 Mom gets so carried away with her TIME OUT fetish. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2637 Papa, can you hear me? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2638 Hon? A Bloody Mary, please? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2639 Does this violate our 'no electronics in the bedroom' policy? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2640 Room service, I need more pampering. 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2641 I only want whats best for you sweetie... 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2642 I'm already negotiating the TV rights. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2643 It's scotch and vodka time 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2644 Is it 2020 yet? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2645 I told the Mountie I wanted asylum... 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2646 Hey mom, I think i'm old enough for a real bed now. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2647 When "baby" asks for pizza over the baby monitor, the coddling has gone on too long. 1.1226 0.04176 106 97 5 4
2648 Mom? Did you charge up your wheelchair? 'Cause I need another drink of water. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2649 Mom, Dad, is it 2025 yet? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2650 I know you want to treasure my baby years, Mom, but this is getting a little ridiculous. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2651 I bought the crib, the baby monitor even, then he broke up with me saying I am too needy.. 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2652 Sorry, but we can't find your Binky! 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2653 Mom? Dad? Are you done playing Call of Duty yet? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2654 Oh, and I was offended by the cultural appropriation in the bedtime story. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2655 Mom,Dad, I need help with my trigonometry homework. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2656 Well, I asked for a smart phone but sometimes it feels like my parents still think it's 2006. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2657 Over light- toast on the side. No hurry 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2658 Mom, can I take this with me to college? 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2659 Skinner box? Crib? I fail to see a distinction here... 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2660 I need a new phone 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2661 Mommy, I'm having that bad dream about Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania again. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2662 I think I'd use a formula cleared by the IOC next time 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2663 That Energizer Bunny sure wasn't kidding. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2664 I thought calling me 'Snookums" was the limit. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2665 Please awaken me at 7AM, and tell me that Donald Trump being my President was just a bad dream. Thank you and goodnight. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2666 I think this is too much of a punishment. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2667 It's called Method Babysitting. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2668 Do you mean Baron Munchausen? 1.1226 0.04176 106 97 5 4
2669 Are you there, NSA? It's me, Margaret. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2670 this is not what I meant when I asked to be directed to my crib. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2671 I call my own shots, largely based on an accumulation of data, and everyone knows it. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2672 Entering day 6,000 without radio contact. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2673 I liked it better when they read to me! 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2674 It was my choice, either an I- Phone or a bed! 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2675 I have to baby sit. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2676 Mom, potty time. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2677 Alice awoke to find she had slept through the terrible Trump years 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2678 But the pediatrician says no co-sleeping. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2679 Come on, sweetie. We can mess around without falling out of bed. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
2680 I'm ready for the leak when you are. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2681 Well the baby took my spot, so I guess I'll take his 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2682 I sorry sweetie, my parents just won't let go. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2683 Chalk, bubbles, coloring books and crayons please. 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
2684 I'll be good if you bring me a mimosa with the pablum. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2685 How is this working for you honey? 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
2686 I know you can hear me, but it's quite obvious you never really listen. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
2687 It's time for my bottle. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2688 Hmmm I wonder what's all the moaning and groaning and bumping and thumping going on in there? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2689 Mom, when am I getting my new BED? This one is getting very cramped. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2690 But what does it all mean? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2691 Mom, can we go to a job interview. Can we, huh? Can we, huh? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2692 The last time I saw my parents they were waving at me from the moving Van 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2693 My parents' panic about impending middle age has got them doing crazy things. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2694 I can't believe this thing doesn't have Wi-Fi. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2695 Good news, Mom! There's a genie in the baby monitor. Also, you don't have to buy me diapers anymore. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2696 Mom, I really do think I'm getting too big for a baby monitor. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2697 Mike? The President got out again. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2698 Mom, shouldn't I be out of this thing by now? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2699 Please, can I have a big boy bed soon? 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2700 Stop infantilizing me! 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2701 There's nothing wrong with the battery. The little one's phone says there's no room for further messages. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2702 If the pajamas don't fit, you must acquit. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2703 Is this the new iPhone? 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2704 I thought I'd get the basement and maybe a pack of boxers. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2705 But Mom, I just don't feel entitled. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2706 Hello, Child Protective Services? Is anyone there? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2707 I don't remember the part about retribution in our wedding vows. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2708 You can let me out now. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2709 It was then, in 1986, when Donnie began his love/hate relationship with walls. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2710 My baby brother is out. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2711 He's somewhere in the house, but I don't dare get out of here to look for him. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2712 Fred came up with a desperate plan to get his wife's attention. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2713 ...and I got such a great deal on this homeshare. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2714 How do I evade parental control in a playpen? 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2715 My parents aren't home yet? Then can we make out? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2716 I've fallen and I can't get up. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2717 My parents won't even get me an iPhone. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2718 Look, dad, is it really regression without the nighttime story? 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2719 It's kind of your fault for serving Mexican. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2720 What year is it? 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2721 So you don't want to meet my boyfriend? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2722 Your time out is over now unlock the door. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2723 Is this big brother? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2724 Honey, our kid is a genius. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2725 Time to also get rid if the car seat. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2726 Now Johnny, I'm your mother; and I'm doing my best to raise you so that you will have the opportunity to be President of the United States. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2727 From that night on he built walls to keep all the scary things out. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2728 No worries, dear, you're dad's bringing you a nice warm bottle of White Russians. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2729 Trump's press conference was the last straw 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2730 You're busy giving advice to who? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2731 Sounds like my parents are doing the dirty. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2732 In hindsight, it would have been better had we just raised the kid in Canada. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2733 I can take a hint, you're not going to change my diaper 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2734 Hey Mom, could you call my boss and tell her I'm sick? I'm just really not feeling up to it today. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2735 Brisco Elementary called, George. They want to know if you’re coming in to work today 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2736 Doctor says my "inner child connection" needs a few more days. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2737 Honey, let's make up and bring Junior back in his crib! 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2738 Honey I promise...never again will I say I'm better off being the kid. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2739 I'd like my bottle, please. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2740 I thought I wanted to recreate this childhood picture, but now that I'm here I actually just want some milk. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2741 I need help. My wall light battery is low. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2742 Just tell me when you guys are done! So, I can come back upstairs! 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2743 This is Major Tom to Ground Control..... 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2744 The right side of my brain knows Trump is our new president but the left side is over and out. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2745 As demographics change, Fisher-Price test markets a line extension. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2746 APB - Baby escaped. Armed with rattle and on the prowl 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2747 Joshie, can you crawl in here and bring mommy's Sudoku book? 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2748 And that's when you know that there is a little kid in everyone. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2749 Who’s my daddy? 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2750 It's probably the growth mindset lullabies. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2751 Mommie, my Depend is too tight. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2752 So, how old do I have to be before I can have a real smart phone? 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2753 Can I get up yet? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2754 You're turning into your mother. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2755 This is not funny 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2756 Dang, when you lose your wifi, you lose your way. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2757 I just want to be heard. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2758 Teen Mom to Teen Dad, over. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2759 The future President in his college dorm room. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2760 Please reboot the wi-fi network. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2761 My fewwow Amewicans... 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2762 I am fine darling, just wanted to get a glass of water 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2763 Check the bath water. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2764 Alas poor Teddy, I knew him well. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2765 Does this come with a rollover plan? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2766 Marco. Polo. Wrong game dad! 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2767 At least I gave up my pacifier 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2768 This is not what I was thinking of when I suggested a technology reset. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2769 Mom, do you copy? A little low on the H20 in here. Can you hook me up? 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2770 Daddy? Are you hurting Mommy? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2771 And you thought I was acting like a baby before ... 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2772 Agent 42 location clear, over. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2773 Are you sure this will unlock my regressive memories? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2774 Honey, lots of guys still suck their thumb. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2775 I still have 2 more years before my next upgrade. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2776 I've been rebelling all these years because I couldn't eat Cheerios but now they're gluten-free. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2777 Only thirty three thousand nine hundred fourteen hours and thirty six minutes til the end of the Trump presidency. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2778 Finally, I found a really safe space! 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2779 This'll be great for my writing. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2780 Yes, I want to be shipped directly to Canada 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2781 Mayday, Mayday, Mayday; Time out from parenthood. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2782 I've found it very educational to monitor my parents' bedroom. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2783 Hmmm, so this is how I learned to swear! 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2784 I don't care what the Dean says, I need help finding my binky. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2785 I had something else in mind whn I I was expecting something different when I asked if I could live at home after college. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2786 Is it time to get yet? 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2787 Reminiscence.....there was a time when just a faint cry would bring my mom running to me!! 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2788 Does this crib offer bottle service? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2789 Mom, there's no truck available? The bed was supposed to be delivered 10 years ago. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2790 Don't you think 12 years is enough Ferberizing? 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2791 But I asked for a baby monitor lizard for my birthday! 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2792 Mom? Dad? Are you done binge-watching yet? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2793 My old room is not the same since Dad remarried. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2794 Mom, I'm not a baby anymore... 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2795 Quoth the Caterpillar, 'One button will make you grow taller, and the other button will make you grow shorter.' 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2796 Hello? My parents forgot me in Baby's R Us and I've been in the crib section ever since.. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
2797 It's really hard to send emojis by talking. Unamused Face. Sad Face. Pile of Poop. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2798 I'm just trying to keep up with the regression, over. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2799 No mom, I'm not fine at all! It's just not a real safe space without a blanket and a warm puppy. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2800 You have just been appointed head of the NSA. Please use this to communicate with our intelligence community. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2801 If I promise to stop crying can I come back to bed? 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2802 What do you mean I can't go back to the 90s?-Over! 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2803 Dad, I know I'll always be Mom's baby, but... 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2804 I knew that third martini was a bad idea! 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2805 Sitting in a crib like a baby??? Fake news!!! 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2806 I really need a BEER and an AMBIEN right NOW. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
2807 You blew your money on my education, and I'M not responsible enough to have a cell phone? 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2808 Sing lullaby #17. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
2809 If it's not cashew milk coming from those breasts, I'm not interested. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2810 Hey mom, maybe you're taking this protectionist stuff too far. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2811 Now how do I Instagram this? 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2812 You can come out from your safe space, Mr. Yiannopoulos has left the campus. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
2813 Mommy, maybe what I really need is MORE gluten. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
2814 I repeat, this is a cruel and unusual reaction to my enuresis! 1.1143 0.03902 105 96 6 3
2815 ...oh and, maybe a set of pajamas - young mens size 10. 1.1143 0.03660 105 95 8 2
2816 Yes - I know it's unhelpful to have preconceptions about regression therapy. 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
2817 Oh! My Ph.D. thesis defense is in less than an hour! 1.1143 0.03660 105 95 8 2
2818 Katherine, I'm sorry. I'll stop going to the bar with the guys. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2819 I need to upgrade everything in my life. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2820 Okay, you win. I've been Ferberized. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2821 It's better to be an atheist than a bad Christian. Please allow a couple of minutes for Trump to tweet. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2822 What did we do wrong? 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2823 Mom, I hate TBT. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2824 OK, it's been at least one hour, I promise not to make comments on how ridiculous the movie is. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2825 Even the Children's Defense Fund thinks I'm way too old for this. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2826 Mom! Could I have a drink of water and another story? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2827 Now I'M the baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2828 This is Rip calling. Nap's over. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2829 I made a dookie. 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
2830 You like want me to get a job-gig or go to d'U? Didn't you want me to like get my own crib? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2831 Mommmmm, my phone is dead. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2832 Alas, too big for the cot, too small for the phone. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2833 I still won't let you give my room to the baby. 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
2834 I can't get in touch with my mother 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2835 Base camp to baby. Come in baby. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2836 Still not enough of a safe space. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2837 No, Dad, I don’t dig your crib. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2838 ... and the batteries are about to die. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2839 Jimmy is deciding whether it's time for a big-boy bed. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2840 Mum, I told you, this is not a cellphone. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2841 I wish Mom and Dad would turn off the laptop already 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2842 New app to get you up and out. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2843 Can I get a cheeseburger and fries at the 10:00 feeding? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2844 Can I get a double-cheeseburger? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2845 Eighty percent of life is showing up - right? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2846 Breaker 1-9. Anyone in the vicinity of 26 Maple... big-helicopter-baby Trevor needs an extract. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2847 Right but did you get my text. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2848 Needing an adult in the room, please. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2849 So that's what the Secure The Borders button does. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2850 Mommy? Daddy? I know you're both dead, but I need a drink of water. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2851 Remember when you wished I was no longer in diapers? 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2852 Just wanted to make sure the baby monitor worked from this specific location. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2853 Ma - I said I'm ready for my beer. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2854 This GMO Merlot will go perfect with it. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2855 You can turn off the electric railing now, son. Son? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2856 I'm part of a new government monitoring program. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2857 Honey, do I have your attention, now? 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2858 "His marks are rather low in "takes initiative" and "problem solving". 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2859 Next time hire a real babysitter. My butt hurts. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2860 I know you are a robot! But you have to do something about this! 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2861 It still doesn't feel like Clinton is president. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2862 No, Justin, you can't get up. It's the middle of the night. I've told you before, you stay in bed until you're twenty-seven. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2863 You know we could just use FaceTime, right? 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2864 Mom, come home! I wet my pants and I don't know what to do. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2865 I'm too young for my second childhood! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2866 Hey! I hear him sleeping. Can we trade back ? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2867 Papa, can you hear me? Papa, are you listening? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2868 It's safe to come out now honey, the election is over. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2869 It was just a bad dream, sweetie. Mommy promises that my precious Donald John Trump will never have to live with nasty facts. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2870 Mom, Dad please stopping talking about him already and pay some attention to me. It's 2032 now and he's not still the President! 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2871 Waaaa...? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2872 I will need to go poopie before I vote today. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2873 Note to self: this needs to be outside the room. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2874 I wish I could go back to the time when I wasn't afraid to speak into a wireless device. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2875 Godfathers? A large pepperoni and a Mt. Dew. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2876 Okay mom, I'm sorry! I won't call dinner "old lady food". 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2877 Ah, to be young again. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2878 I need upgrades. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2879 Yo dad, I'm into downsizing. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2880 Mom,dad the baby is on the loose.?? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2881 Still busy? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2882 Mommy, wake up! It's time for my breast feeding! 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2883 Mom can I have a glass of water? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2884 Okay, okay…I get it. If I act like a baby, you’ll treat me like one. Now when do I get my stewed peaches? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2885 Hillary, can I please come out? I just want to hang out with Bernie. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2886 You're ick! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2887 Okay, okay, go to your mother's because these timeouts are just getting out of hand. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2888 Can someone bring me my binky, please? 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2889 Mama, my rattle is on the blink. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2890 Is it true that getting up and walking around is a thing? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2891 Donald J. Trump, how do you expect to be President someday if you won't even agree in principle to big-boy underpants? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2892 Wake me when they're grown! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2893 Millennial Puberty: Starting a social network while still in the crib. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2894 Is this really how it works? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2895 Jim, can you get me a bottle? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2896 Fine, drop me off wherever you like at school. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2897 I said "OK Google" five years ago and am still waiting for the beep. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2898 I'm your husband. And I need to nurse. Now stop treating me like a child. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2899 That's the sound of a baby brother 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2900 Yeah, still playing Call of Doody, and you? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2901 Have you begun my college fund yet? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2902 Your mother is requesting an update on the state of your jim-jams. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2903 Come in Marge - It is clear to come back to bed-- I have turned off the news. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2904 Hey, Mom and Dad, it's me Bad Teddy just hangin' in my crib. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2905 ? I won't grow up, I don't want to wear a tie. ? ? And a serious expression In the middle of July. ? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2906 "Never"?! Never doesn't work for me! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2907 How can I look for a stupid job if I don't have my stupid breakfast? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2908 Ready or not, here I come! 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2909 "Mommy, I promise, promise, promise I won't grab your cooter again". 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
2910 Do you remember when we were happy? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2911 She gave me the slip. She's on the lam with dirty Binky and a loaded diaper." 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2912 Stop calling me a big baby! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2913 Looks like both of us are not sleeping tonight. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2914 It was just a scary dream, sweetie. Mommy promises that her precious Donald John Trump will never have to live with nasty facts. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2915 I think you'd better go see who's in the shower. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2916 Liquor cabinet. I said the liquor cabinet! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2917 I'd like to order a glass of white wine. Just knock and I will unlock the door. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2918 Mom, please let me out...I promise not to hack the baby again. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2919 Gimme a break Mom, I'm 16! 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2920 Millenials getting ready for the day 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2921 I really gotta use the bathroom! Hello? Is anybody there? Mom? Dad? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2922 Admittedly, I'm a big baby, but I can walk the walk as well as talk the talk. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2923 Well mom, I'm grown up and I still don't understand why I can't. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2924 Wake me up in 4 years, over and out. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2925 Hello Mom, here's all I really need: Isn't it time you got me a smart phone? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2926 Honey, sleepies please. Scott Pruitt is not in your closet. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2927 Oops, wrong button 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2928 You could have just taken a picture, Mom. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2929 MOM! The meatloaf! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2930 You forgot to read me my bedtime story, War and Peace. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2931 Ollie, ollie, oxen, free! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2932 This has to be the longest 'whose turn is it?' argument of all time 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2933 OK, Sam. You'll see after a few weeks of this Nursery School role reversal project, you'll appreciate how precious your infancy is. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2934 Seeking comfort after recent events Jason reverts back to childhood. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2935 I know you can hear us. We're having separation anxiety. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2936 Mom, I think it's time we upgraded to a Smart Monitoring Device. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2937 Houston, we have a problem 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2938 Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Hollo? Hello? Is anyone there? 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
2939 I can act just as childish as you, mom - I just soiled the crib out of spite! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2940 One extra large pizza with sausage and pepperoni....I'm hungry. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2941 The service here really stinks. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2942 I wish they'd get around to changing the batteries in this thing 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2943 Mom, I had another nightmare about the company merger. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2944 Call 911 the baby's missing. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2945 Just another week, please? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2946 Oh, for Pete's sake! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2947 I-Phone? No way Dude, my parents haven't even bought me a big boy bed! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2948 Empty Nester? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2949 Now you're just being a jerk. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2950 Mom. It's Donald. I need a bath. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2951 I'm going to flip my pillow over... over. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2952 Are you listening, Vladimir? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2953 Do you think someone could update the prison facilities here at Guantanamo? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2954 I think the dry run worked, let's go to the next step, OK? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2955 Ok, I'm sitting. Now, where are my toys? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2956 It's just that I'm a millennial, that's all. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2957 Warning! You have been over-parentalized.!! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2958 Mom, just tell the officer he can arrest me when I'm done with my nap. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2959 Can I get the banana mush and, uh... Is the formula vegan? 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2960 See any sign of Peter Pan yet? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2961 IKEA you. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2962 Okay guys, my shrink says I can't I infantalize you any more. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2963 Don't tell me it's apple. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2964 Let's see if nostalgia helps me sleep. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2965 Happy 26th birthday, Homeboy. Be careful walking down the stairs. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2966 I wonder if they'll notice. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2967 Time flies. Roger that. 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2968 Uh, I think my carter's are worn out! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2969 You wanted your own crib, yo? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2970 Let me back into your room Bobbie. Why do I always have to be the fake news reporter when we play 'Press Conference'? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2971 It's time to inject me with that terrible growth drug again. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2972 I'm trying to bring out my inner child, I need my diaper changed! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2973 I wanna hear the story about The Internet of Things again! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2974 Mom to Baby One. Over. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2975 I thought co-sleeping meant I stayed in the bed. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2976 Mom! Mom! We really need to talk about a bigger bed. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2977 Mom, did you look at the label on the bottle of child's aspirin before you gave me one? 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
2978 Goo,Goo to be or not to be! Goo,Goo! 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
2979 You clearly don't understand how to make it to the top in this country, Mom. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2980 Yes, I'd like to order a large pepperoni with green peppers...., for delivery! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2981 I think its time to change the batteries.... 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2982 I am ready for my bath... 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
2983 I wish Throwback Thursday would end after dinner. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2984 Mom, do you have my brother? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2985 The lying press wants me to stop tweeting...get me a damn rattle! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2986 Honey, I am sick. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2987 Mom, Dad, Why isn't Prime Minister Trudeau in charge of the country? 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2988 Room service....Mom, Dad...I'd like a pastrami on rye... 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2989 Mom, I'm hungry. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2990 The retro trend has officially crossed the line, 10-4 good buddy 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2991 'No internet. What do I do now?' 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2992 Let me know when it gets better. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2993 I'm a millennial, I'm entitled, and doggone it I really like me. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2994 I know you can't sleep Marci, you might just need a bigger bed 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2995 Head National Security? Guaranteed confirmation?? Me??? Gee whiz!! 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
2996 Mom and Dad, I am now ready to face the real world. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2997 Bring me my tinfoil hat. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
2998 Ok, this is not funny anymore. 1.1068 0.03881 103 95 5 3
2999 Is this always going to happen when we fight about cosleeping? 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
3000 Calling all spoiled liberals. It's time to grow up and go into the real world. 1.1068 0.04119 103 96 3 4
3001 The Curious Case of a Mother Who's Had It. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
3002 I'm going over and out. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
3003 Among other things, I've outgrown my cell-phone plan! 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
3004 Mom?....Yes, it has been a while...Say, can you help me out. 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
3005 Actually, it's a little roomier than my crib. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3006 houston, are my pizza pockets ready? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3007 Is his Presidency Over yet? Hilary is that you ? 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3008 Malinkiy Tovarishch, remember that with dadya Putin's advice, you can stay fifteen forever and still be president! 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3009 Life as a Millenial: "Yes mom, I picked up my shirt from the dry cleaner, no the interview is Tuesday." 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3010 What's it gonna take to repeal O-Twitter-Care: The Walkie Talkie and the crib deal or the Dixie cups and a string? 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3011 This is what I call millenial bliss! 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3012 Donald Trump communicating with his parents as an adolescent. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3013 OK...OK...WAAAH! 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3014 911? Have you heard of changelings? 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3015 Repeat: Childhood dreams, please return. Over. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3016 It's bathtime. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3017 Alexa, you know my sizes and tastes: order me adult clothes and furniture. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3018 My folks save a fortune on babysitters. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3019 Gulliver's descendant confused as to how he awoke in Lilliputian Nursery., 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3020 You were right. Time waits for no baby. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3021 I'm fact-checking our autobiography assignment. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3022 I think I crapped my pants. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3023 Tinkerbell's not here right now. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3024 No doubt the results of a revised executive order. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3025 Mom, I'll write when I get work. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3026 Glutenglutengluten. There, now I've submitted an excruciatingly unfunny gluten caption, too. Did I mention Gluteny McGlutenface? 1.0990 0.04104 101 95 2 4
3027 She's loose. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3028 No, I have no idea where you put Baby Brother. Have you tried the laundry? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3029 I have plenty of time to address my issues because as a Millennial I know that the new 21 is no 28. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3030 Tell me again how it used to be. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3031 I agree, Mr. Cronkite ... they should call us "The Umbrellas" instead! 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3032 Are you coming home? Hello . . . ? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3033 Baby, oh baby, this isn't what I expected. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3034 Is this a baby monitor or a cell phone? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3035 You might as well come out. We're all in a playpen now. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3036 I might need help in the future... 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3037 But Mom, you promised me he'd last 'two years tops.' 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3038 In this economy? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3039 Hush little iPhone don't ring , mommy's gonna sing you a lullaby... 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3040 MTV Cribs oughta see mine! 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3041 Where is the President? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3042 Have I really becoming a captive of my cell phone? 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3043 SLOW? Baby will out grow his pen & PJs before the signal downloads! 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3044 Switched at Birth again 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3045 Maybe tomorrow night, dear? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3046 You're telling me you seriously couldn't find the loft version? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3047 Can I have an extension on my time-out? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3048 Mom, can I have a sleepover? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3049 AM I IN PUNISHMENT OR AM I REGRESSING ? 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3050 I've decided to stay a baby. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3051 Yes, I'm like in my safe space but I don't like have a warm puppy or a coloring book. Bummer! 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3052 Come on guys, I promise not to tweet anymore. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3053 I better report myself for being kid,napped 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3054 Yep, we're just countin' down the days here 'til January 20... 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3055 i promise i'll be good 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3056 ''My wife always said I was a big baby'' 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3057 Kyle has egregiously overslept. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3058 Hello? Mom? Dad? 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3059 Code Red, the baby is out of the house 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3060 Whatever happened to baby Jane? 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3061 "Dirty Mama" in a sippy cup please. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3062 Have the conservative speakers left yet? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3063 George Washington slept here? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3064 lol millenials am i right 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3065 In bed... half top... low rise capris. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3066 Mom, could you come in here please? I was having one of my lack of anxiety dreams. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3067 Children just grow up too fast! 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3068 When is this fucking acid going to wear off? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3069 I said, "I've finished cribbing for the SAT." 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3070 Progressive, HA! From the basement, to the march, to the crib. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3071 If the kid gets my art studio, I get his crib. That's detenté, comrade. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3072 Nanny deficit in the era of Trump. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3073 It's true. You never forget your first. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3074 Is the monster real or fake? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3075 And now they're arguing about towels. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3076 The helicopter has crashed. Over. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3077 Yes, I know my last name is Trump. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3078 Do you know where your parents are? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3079 "Crib death" is when, entrapped, your battery dies. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3080 Mommy, I want to be a millennial when I grow up. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3081 I was strong. I was invincible. I was woman. Over. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3082 Mom, can you bring me my phone? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3083 Beam me out, Baby! 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3084 Have you seen my pacifier ? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3085 Hey Mom, I think my 15-year nap is over. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3086 It was only a hiccup, Mom. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3087 Mommy, Mommy, my diapers are getting rather tight 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3088 Sorry son. I guess hiding my time travel invention in plain sight, disguised as a baby monitor, wasn't one of my better ideas. So when exactly do you think it is where you are? 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3089 Where the hell is my beer can mobile? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3090 Really? This extreme grounding is too extreme! 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3091 Hi mom, I need my diaper changed right away! 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3092 But mom, how am I supposed to "act my age" while I'm stuck inside this thing? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3093 Breaker, breaker, mom and dad. This redshirting thing for school has gone a little too far... 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3094 Just a heads up in case you hear any moaning in the next 10 minutes. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3095 Could I get some milk in here? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3096 Mommy tell me one more time that a big scary Paul Ryan isn't going to appeal ACA 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3097 How did I get myself into this? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3098 OK, I promise not to give you anymore fake news! 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3099 They put me in here after I took to the bottle. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3100 Mom, can we end this charade? 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3101 Waaaaaaaaaaah. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3102 Being in the foster care system was always a crap shoot. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3103 Please hurry, I've exceeded my explanations. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3104 Beam me up, Scotty. It's not the kind of play pen Kirk was expecting. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
3105 Mom and Dad said they were adjusting my night-time furniture to match my night-time habits. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3106 She was recovering from her first semester in college over the break. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3107 Just settle down and we might gut let you go to middle school. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3108 milo, this is god. you are such a fucking tool, lol. 1.0990 0.04104 101 95 2 4
3109 Can I come out now, mom? I promise I'll try harder for the participation award next season. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3110 I told you Van Winkles don't bluff! 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3111 Where is my latte? 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
3112 Prison overcrowding 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3113 Da Da. 1.0990 0.03855 101 94 4 3
3114 Echo, order me a 3-5 page paper on the Catcher in the Rye. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
3115 Where do babies come from? 1.0980 0.03555 102 94 6 2
3116 I waited this long for a smart night-light? 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3117 They never said I would have to sacrifice EVERYTHING. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3118 My wife and I are undergoing detachment coupling 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3119 Mom, I just had a nightmare! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3120 C'mon, I'm big enough for a larger crib. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3121 and here we see Billy trying to protect his "safe space" from President Trump 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3122 O.K. I've think it is safe to say I've been ferberized. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3123 Baby, we need to talk. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3124 Betty Ann, what is in your breast milk? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3125 I'm too old for a time out. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3126 Of course you won't find girls there … when I said 'babe hotspot,' I didn't mean a playpen. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3127 Roger nothing! Hurry up! I think they're close to realizing we made the switch. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3128 Mom, I think I need new clothes. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3129 Siri, install software update. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3130 Don't you ever grow up Timmy. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3131 Yeeeesh! I bet the Gen X'ers got their own beds. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3132 I know I'm being punished but this device is for babies. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3133 What would the hazing be like for the fraternity if Hillary won? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3134 Mom, do you think maybe I'm big enough to leave the playpen? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3135 Gulliver's childhood,contemporary version. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3136 But you said I could get of the crib when I turned 30! 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3137 MTV Cribs The Final Chapter 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3138 Growth spurt alert! My playpen is now light on play and heavy on pen! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3139 New tweet: #FailingNYT and #FakeNews says I'm acting like a big baby. They are the big babies. Sad. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3140 Honey did you shrink the kids again? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3141 I'm experiencing a sense of futility over reality in here. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3142 Hello baby face this is Big Brother planning on the big breakout tonight! 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3143 Pssst, dad. Take off your socks! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3144 Downsizing's been great. Just built my new IKEA Plarggorarg man cave. And I'm wearing a half shirt. Nuff said. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3145 For the last time, do I get a real bed or do I call 911? 1.0909 0.03823 99 93 3 3
3146 Done with your "Mommy/Daughter evening" yet? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3147 Girlfriend's baby daddy cam. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3148 I’ll work with you on the wooby and the baba, but the poopie diapers are non-negotiable. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3149 Mom, bring me some milk. I have a final tomorrow! 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3150 Sweetheart, can you hear me now? 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3151 I need to trade in this old phone for a smartphone so that I have the freedom to stay where I am. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3152 Is this my punishment for cribbing at school? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3153 I wonder why they named me Peter Pan Goldfarb? 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3154 Please Mr. President, I assure you I am not from the media. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3155 Mom, Dad... I think I have your walkie talkie and you have mine. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3156 Breaker, breaker Mom? Come in mom? When can I get out of the pen? Over. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3157 And next year, I will be old enough to vote. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3158 As hard as she tried, she couldn't replicate those wonder years. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3159 Lucas always feels more secure in his safe space. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3160 Queequeg forgot the instructions. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3161 But, I don't want to stay in New York City, Daddy! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3162 Baby to property manager. Request a hands-free intercom. Over. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3163 Another pervert call...nothing but heavy breathing! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3164 All grown-ups were once children, and then they discover a microphone. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3165 Keep sleeping, it's still not safe to come out. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3166 Mom at what age will I be able to leave thus crib? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3167 There are scattered outages Sir, but. I assure you that full service will be restored shortly. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3168 Diarrhea cha cha cha. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3169 I want a Play Station and a dozen Hot Pockets or I'm bustin' outta this pen. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3170 Remember you're last final is at 9 and don't forget to pick up your cap and gown before nap time 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3171 Anybody there? I need my bum wiped.. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3172 OK John, You're right. Staring at the ceiling all night is not very entertaining. We'll get the racing car mobile." 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3173 Your complaining about your parents friending you on Facebook? Let me tell you about my parents' obsession with Throwback Thursdays... 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3174 so much for nap time 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3175 Did ya hear the one about the Rabbi and the two aliens? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3176 Goo goo, ga ga. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3177 MOM, time to play cribbage! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3178 Yes, Donald, Daddy will be there with new sheets right away. 1.0909 0.03823 99 93 3 3
3179 I promise not to tweet Trump again. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3180 Hi, Vladimir. The U.S. election I can understand. But hacking my child's baby monitor? Really? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3181 Mom? It's been twenty years, don't you think I can sleep in a bed now? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3182 Everything's fine. I'm just getting ready for when she's a teenager. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3183 Be honest, Mom. Did you hide a nanny cam in the night light? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3184 Awwww, Mom! I've been here since 2000 already. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3185 O.K., I agree that the baby more emotionally mature but this is getting ridiculous. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3186 Hey mom, the battery in my Millennial baby monitor is dying, come and change it. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3187 Mom, the sitter is mad at me and says she won't change my diaper. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3188 Mom, Dad, isn't my Tim Out over yet? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3189 But there's an orange menace outside. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3190 Alright, I admit you're the best helicopter parents ever. Now can I come out of my room? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3191 I sure hope this reverse psychology approach works. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3192 No I'm not crazy. I said I needed time alone in the room, not womb. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3193 You'll see Fred. This will work. One day Donnie will be President 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3194 I'VE HEARD THERE'S A BIG BEAUTIFUL WORLD OUT THERE, BUT AT LEAST IN HERE, I'M SAFE. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3195 "Hurry up, I'm ovulating"! 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3196 Mom...I am still waiting for you to come up and change me..... Mom!! 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3197 Donald give me a shout got some ideas on Obama care before you start tweeting 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3198 Dad, I have an idea about building the wall. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3199 And I'd like the eggs soft poached, please. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3200 Goo Goo Goo, Ga Ga Ga, Is all I want to say to you. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3201 Her note said she was tired of being called a 'cute little girl' and that she needed some 'alone time'." 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3202 Yes, I'm terribly infantile. But at least I'm not an enfant terrible. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3203 For God's sake, Mom, I'm 12 years old. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3204 Bestest Boy to Mommy, Bestest Boy to Mommy--where is that damn beer?! 1.0909 0.03823 99 93 3 3
3205 I hope you are saving this to the cloud. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3206 Nobody ever puts a Baby Boomer in the corner, do they? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3207 THE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO LEAVE THE CRIB WERE NOT LISTED ON HIS SMART PHONE . 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3208 I think the WiFi is still not working. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3209 Mom, I don’t think this is what Bob Dylan had in mind. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3210 Oh, my Gosh. A real cell phone! 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3211 The pen is mightier than the sordid. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3212 I put the baby back inside me. It's all good now. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3213 Good batteries should not excuse you for being away this long. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3214 I want two bottles and a steak. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3215 I didn't know how freaky this Friday would turn out. 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3216 Will I see you at my Bar Mitzvah? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3217 Zdravstvuyte? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3218 I ate your baby. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3219 Little did Fran and Joe know that their son would one day invent the smartphone. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3220 Beam me up Scotty.I'm being held on a planet of KILLER toddlers 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3221 Mom, I know I am grounded but my night light caught on fire again. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3222 Enough, 2016! Your nostalgia has gotten out of hand. 1.0909 0.03823 99 93 3 3
3223 Night light, light bright, first light I see tonight... 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3224 It's a trap. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
3225 He's having a hard time accepting that there is no Santa Claus. Let's wait awhile before we tell him about the Easter Bunny. 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
3226 Is there anybody in here? 1.0909 0.03543 99 92 5 2
3227 I want my binky! 1.0900 0.03509 100 93 5 2
3228 I repeat, the plan is ready to go! 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3229 So...this is what it feels like to be the president?!? 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3230 Which button is for Snapchat? 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3231 I'm not so sure about this anti-aging remedy. 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3232 Note to self. Movie idea for Robin Williams. 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3233 I said I want to be President one day. 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3234 No I can't sent you a text, mom took my cell phone and all I have left is this stinking baby monitor! 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3235 I knew they made adult diapers, but this is a lot. 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3236 'I wonder when they are coming back to potty train me.' 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3237 The helicopter just landed. I'll be there in a minute, baby 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3238 If you treat me like a baby then I am a baby. 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3239 (Oh, honey, I'm so worried. In two weeks our baby college junior can legally drink alcohol.) 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3240 Never trust a two-year-old. 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3241 Dad, may I take the car out tonight? 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
3242 Baby Lill, whom after being fed just one IGSHBTtm (Incredible Growth Spurt Hormonal Boosters Tab) has miraculously transformed into an 18 year old, ready to go off to College. NOTE: She has a keen interest in electronics. 1.0900 0.03509 100 93 5 2
3243 This is your mother, Billy. Wait 3 more years then come down for breakfast. 1.0900 0.03509 100 93 5 2
3244 I can't. Remember I told you I had coding and calculus after school. And...I gotta go potty. 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
3245 Not as soothing as a pacifier. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3246 Barron here, you gonna bail me out or what? 1.0825 0.03785 97 92 2 3
3247 Day 5,478, still no sharks. I repeat, still no sharks. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3248 Hey! The playpen's okay but this think won't text! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3249 SOS. Captain James Kirk, the XXXVth here. I'm in need of provisions. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3250 What's the chance you have something other than apple? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3251 Someone send me a cake with a file in it. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3252 The Nanny was deported, now we have to take care of the kid our way. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3253 Mom, can I get another Capri Sun? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3254 " Trump to mission control ....... I need a PBJ and my Bannon plushie STAT !!! 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3255 Testing Testing. I need a bigger bed. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3256 Please read me a story. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3257 Mr. President, can you please ask my mom if it's safe to leave my bedroom yet? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3258 You promised me my iPhone long time ago. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3259 I need a large pepperoni pizza for delivery. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3260 Honey, we will just be another decade or so.... 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3261 Right. But what difference would another four years make? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3262 Mom! I'm old enough to have my own cellphone. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3263 Honey, isn't it time to bring Tommy junior back to his crib? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3264 But a cell phone would have unlimited messaging...... 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3265 I'll trade you a pajama pinfold for a pacifier and an iPhone. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3266 Mom? Dad? Hillary? 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3267 OK, I'll promise to be good now if you let me out of time out. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3268 I hope I don't get caught roaming with this thing. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3269 Ok honey...I mean mommy, I'm ready for my breast feeding." "Wah, wah, wah! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3270 1-Adam-12: Teen being held against his will. Code 84. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3271 I'm still working through my age of accountability crisis. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3272 Hello, hello, my name is Rip Van Winkle and these little guys.. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3273 I'm not sure how much longer I can convince him that he's to young to get a dog ! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3274 I had a nightmare about how Donald Trump is maligning us millenials. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3275 Can the New York Times come back in the living room now? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3276 Oh! You wanted your own DOMICILE! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3277 I miss being a baby 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3278 You promised nothing was going to change after they privatized the cribs. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3279 Yeah, really just need some me time tonight. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3280 But I didn't want to become a doctor. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3281 Hel me! #trappedintinypen 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3282 Earth to mom! Earth to mom! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3283 I've given up lithium batteries for Lent 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3284 I didn't get any gold stars today. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3285 Just hurry up, get the bottle and come back. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3286 I don't know where he went but it is cozy in here 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3287 Next week you'll be President of the U.S. but watch out for your toys on that first month! Love, Your Friend the Phone 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3288 Martha, the coin toss is final, the puppy gets the bed 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3289 Walls have ears. That baby monitor's gotta go. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3290 So this is what Guantanamo bay must be like.. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3291 Alright. I stopped crying. May I please have my nuk back? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3292 Red rover, red rover, send Timmy back over. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3293 What do you mean, "beam me up"? ...seriously, this baby monitor will change our life. Scott? Scotty? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3294 Alas poor Monitor! I knew him Horacio: a ham of infinite jest. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3295 The Spandex one. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3296 THE eagle has landed,no intelligent life noted,please send sandwich soon running low on energy .Houston copy. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3297 Mommy isn't too far from her breaking point. She'll be in time-out for the next week. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3298 I'm really too old to put me in here for my time out punishment! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3299 Is this thing on? (tap...tap...feedback...tap) 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3300 Okay it's settled. I will give him ten million but after that he is on his own. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3301 Does this crib make my ass look fat? 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3302 Grow up! Why should I grow up? Mr. Rump is 71 years old and no one, absolutely no one, asks him to grow up! Someday I too will become President! 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3303 Mommy, I don't think I'm gonna need your special feedings anymore. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3304 Milo, I completely hear you ... what a witch hunt. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3305 If I break out, I'm not certain they will ever trust me I know I said we could meet tonight, but something came up. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3306 Does a wall lock us in or out? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3307 Mother! Quit calling it "crib death." I just want a regular bed! 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3308 What do you mean, "I'm a snowflake"? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3309 Mom, can we please just move to DC? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3310 OK, OK. I'll get dressed for kindergarten. Can I come out now? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3311 As to your older brother driving us, I'm picking up a vibe that my Mom is not totally on board with it. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3312 Mom, if you're going to do this, could you at least bring me some milk? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3313 No, you cannot come back to bed with me. Not to you learn to keep your hands to yourself. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3314 If you're going to continue to treat me like a baby, then I'm hungry! Waaaaaah! 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3315 Pedantic it may be, but it's my CAGE phone to me. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3316 I'm thinking, Cavs or Spurs. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3317 You're the fake mom and dad. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3318 Why does he think I'm immature? I don't suck my thumb. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3319 I can't play now, I'm waiting for the Trump 7 O'Clock Twitterstorm. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3320 Houston! Houston! One small step is impaired. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3321 Ga Ga Goo Goo what? I can't understand you. Over. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3322 Son do you regret not eating your Wheaties ? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3323 Get me Bannon! I asked for a gold one. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3324 Mom, can I get out now? The polls close in an hour. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3325 Memory Foam mattress complete with you earliest memories in life ! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3326 I'm sorry I asked you to rub my back. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3327 Is there a baby sitter available? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3328 But Mom, all the other kids are doing it. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3329 Hello... Can I get out now? 1.0825 0.03785 97 92 2 3
3330 ill be back with some milk 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3331 Confined by the monitor. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3332 Were my milk and cookies non-GMO? 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3333 (In a whisper) This is what it sounds like, when moms cry. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3334 They took my cell so I learned to hack. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3335 Hey, I know you can hear me... didn't yu say it would be safe to go out after the elections!? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3336 Well, I can't afford student loans, so it's on to plan b. Did you ever have a plan b, Mom? 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3337 As an immigrant (crackle)...since I was three...lamest prison ever. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3338 You know what's wrong about this? My pajamas are too small! 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3339 Can I please have my electronics back? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3340 Yuck, I can hear you making Whoopee. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3341 I love you too, Big Brother. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3342 Baby Blue One. Baby Blue One. This is Mommy Stressed Niner. Come in. Please come in. Over. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3343 Mom? I can't sleep. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3344 Ma, is my UberEATS here yet? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3345 Dear, she's twenty-three, don't you think it's time to transition Jodie to the toddler bed? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3346 Why can't I move to the White House . . . ? 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3347 Mommy, come quick! I got my period. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3348 I'd be scared too, Lloyd, this outfit is ridiculous. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3349 Ahh...the good ol' days...when my every wish came true. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3350 I have heard that anyone can run for POTUS, so I am all in for 2024... 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3351 Waaa? Waaa!. Is anyone still there? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3352 No Jeffrey, we can not go back to 2009 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3353 My mom grounded me. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3354 Testing! Testing! Yes, dear, it works! 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3355 No, I'm not getting up unless it's a bear-skin rug. 1.0825 0.03785 97 92 2 3
3356 Do you want to change Billy Madison's diaper? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3357 We should get him a mobile for his birthday. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3358 I'm the grownup your need in your cabinet. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3359 Come in, America - is there anyone out there listening to me? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3360 I'm beginning to think the crying is coming from an internal place. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3361 Testing, testing, 1-2-3 ... can you hear me now? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3362 My involvement with SETI started at an early age 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3363 Can't you change him this time. I'm really tired. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3364 Beam me up, Scotty. Please! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3365 Coddle me all you want, but this cradle is too much. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3366 { " What I would like to see is a formal Democracy!" } 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3367 Houston, Mexico will pay for this wall! 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3368 Do you have any mashed peas left? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3369 Hey Mom! What's takin' so long? I ordered that pizza ten minutes ago! 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3370 Can I have a glass of bourbon? 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3371 Mommy, I need a blancket - over. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3372 Okay mom, you were right. Being a baby isn't as fun as I thought it would be. Especially now that I know everything is terrible. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3373 Mommy, I told you that I'm not going back to University as long as Trump is president. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3374 Don't you see. Giving me a curfew is useless! 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3375 I need a fresh dream catcher. 1.0825 0.03785 97 92 2 3
3376 So what room are YOU sleeping tonight? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3377 Unicorn pie? I think I'll just have an apple. 1.0825 0.03785 97 92 2 3
3378 Wahhh. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3379 Did you remember take your pills tonight? Over. 1.0825 0.03490 97 91 4 2
3380 Yes, Jeremy, I know your 32 and living in the basement, but it's been so hard to let go.. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
3381 Can I please have a drink of sparkling water? 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
3382 Spock to Enterprise. Beam me up Scottie! 1.0816 0.02780 98 90 8 0
3383 Just say, 'Mom, I know it was 20 years ago, but I really wasn't kidding about the monster in the closet wanting to kidnap me.' 1.0816 0.03455 98 92 4 2
3384 What do you mean Congress said no? 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3385 I'll swap for a cot. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3386 I finally can hear myself think. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3387 I get it, you're kid nappers. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3388 Hey,Mom. WHat are we having for breakfast? 1.0737 0.03739 95 91 1 3
3389 He never said anything about "apple pie"! 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3390 Mom, Julia thinks it's time we move in together ! 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3391 Testing, testing, one, two, sibilance... 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3392 Safety first. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3393 I wonder what will become of little Donny? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3394 I could use some helicopter parenting. 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3395 Honey, mommy doesn't do time outs. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3396 Mom, keep an eye out for the baby iguana...... 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3397 Oh my God, its Jason Bourne! 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3398 When I grow up... 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3399 Mom, Dad, don't you think I am a bit old for the crib and nanny cam now? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3400 Take one down, pass it around, fifty-nine bottles of beer on the wall. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3401 I beg you: unlock the door. 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3402 No Tweets on this nursery monitor? 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3403 The good old days! 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3404 I don't want to say matronizing... but maybe a little much, honey? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3405 Why doesn't Trump ever call me? 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3406 Now play track 7: "Breaking Dishes Climax into Loving Resolution". 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3407 Can you hear me not worry now? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3408 Uh, babysitter--come on up and change my diapers. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3409 Jimmy asked me today if he could have a sleep-over 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3410 Mommy, I think that Baby Zoltar machine at the might have been a mistake. 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3411 Honey, he's fine. Millenials require days and nights of no adulting. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3412 It's 3:00 a.m. mommy, and I was just sitting here thinking about the good old days of my youth. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3413 I wanted Jello ,not Zello. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3414 Is there life outside my universe? Roger me. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3415 IKEA's quality check is meant to satisfy those with even the strangest of standards. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3416 Mother, your quite sure all presidents must be man-children from now on? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3417 Yep, you're dying. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3418 The Innocence of Childhood Act repealed, Jack awakened full grown. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3419 How did I not see before that I was raising a helicopter baby? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3420 Well, at least you've quit babying me, figuratively. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3421 Guys, if you didn't want me to outgrow my crib at 6 months, you shouldn't have opted for gene tailoring. Can I borrow the car tonight? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3422 I'm protesting protesting. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3423 I thought I was feeling the Bern again, but it's actually just a rash. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3424 Not such a baby monitor 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3425 I guess you could call me an anti-intellectual. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3426 Mom, I starred in gay porn movies to help pay for college. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3427 The pre-nup agreement mandated a 45-day re-training program for the groom to be. 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3428 This is not funny people! 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3429 Then I’ll say it in terms you can understand, “I will not make you wear a bib, I will not put you in a crib. I will not take you to a mall, to any store or any stall. I will not make you wear a hat, just get me out you little_____!” 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3430 The formula is in the pantry. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3431 Breaker, breaker . . . looks like baby bear is a runaway . . . over. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3432 I hope they hear me if I start crying. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3433 Great. Put here on account of deportment and now I'm being monitored. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3434 Mom, Mom are you still there? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3435 I'm very sorry but I don't understand Russian. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3436 You've grown a long way, baby 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3437 Mom I know I will be late for work don't worry 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3438 So how are things going second semester? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3439 Yo. Skinner. 1.0737 0.03426 95 90 3 2
3440 Heck, a goo-ga degree from Drake oughta be worth something. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3441 Mom, I have told you before, living in the basement is not a viable option! 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3442 I think you've taken the Ferber method as far as it will go." 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3443 And could you please try to do my cappuccino with a *little* less foam than yesterday's? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3444 Don't worry about the money, son. The American taxpayer is willing to pay for any of our hotels, that you want to live in. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3445 So Vlad, hack not bad... 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3446 Doesn't it bother you that I am going to emerge from childhood without basic survival skills like knowing how to make reservations? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3447 No. I say it's overbearing even IF I'm a millennial. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3448 Mommy I can't sleep thinking about the SAT. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3449 Maybe I should check if she's okay. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3450 I'm cried out. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3451 That cute little baby doll outfit, Sugar 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3452 POTUS to Earth! POTUS to Earth! 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3453 "Are you there,Mary Poppins, are you there ? Over ". 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3454 I'll sing you the millennial song later, sweetheart. It is time for sleep. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3455 Where is the snooze button on this biological clock? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3456 Uhm... I thought after diapering we were supposed to end up in the same bed... 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3457 Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Hello, mom? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
3458 Happy birthday, Mum! 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3459 Wake me up when September ends 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
3460 I think you two are taking this Ferber method a little too far. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3461 I am REALLY 13 years old, mom! 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3462 Gulliver's descendant---2017 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3463 Milo here!! Hello? Hello? 1.0729 0.03391 96 91 3 2
3464 Mmmoooommmmm, I need a drink of water! 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3465 Mommy, may I have a glass of water? Over. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3466 Mom? Dad? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3467 Here's listening at you, kid. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3468 Play pan-damenium. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3469 Hey Hon, haven't seen this old thing since we moved. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3470 Is this CPS? I want to lodge a complaint of unlawful restraint. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3471 Come quick! I had another nightmare about helicopters. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3472 And the latest news on that evil President Trump is... 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3473 Many houses are white, but where exactly do you live? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3474 Josh to Base. The acceptable age for this is. Over. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3475 What do mean you don't do pen deliveries? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3476 So, Miriam, just because I installed the one-way mirror back-to-front, you think I can’t install a simple baby listening device properly? 1.0729 0.03391 96 91 3 2
3477 Vaping is looking pretty good right about now 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3478 Can anybody hear me? Mom? Dad? 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3479 I guess this empty nest thing is really getting to me. Hello? Hello? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3480 Maybe I should have picked the couch... 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3481 Call me back when you get a bed darling. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3482 I wish I may, I wish I might.... 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3483 No, I'm not going to cry! 1.0729 0.03391 96 91 3 2
3484 They never found me! 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3485 "Hello, hello is this mission control? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3486 Crib to the outside world, "Are you there?" 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3487 How about a steak? Cheeseburger? Cereal in a bowl?!? 1.0729 0.03391 96 91 3 2
3488 Mommy! I can't sleep. It's scary in here, too....and I think I lost my sign at the rally. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3489 We need to talk about Kevin. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3490 I am getting nostalgic......The crib reminds me of Obama's presidency. 1.0729 0.03391 96 91 3 2
3491 Are you my Mommy? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3492 Equal opportunity spying! 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3493 Now all I need is a baby. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3494 How 'bout some funds to pimp my crib? 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
3495 Waaaaaaaaaaah. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
3496 Home Security 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3497 Hello, God? It's me, Margaret. I know it's early but I don't think this is what you had in mind for 2017 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3498 Hello Mom Where's my teddy bear? 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3499 Houston,the eagle has landed no sign of intelligent life noted. Over. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3500 He'll always be "my baby"! 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3501 I grow, but everything else stays the same. America must be great again! 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3502 Adolescence isn't just about prom or wearing starry pajamas. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3503 Broadsword calling Danny Boy...........Broadsword calling Danny Boy 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3504 Dad, when will have a bed my size? All the other kids in fifth grade have had theirs for the last three years. 1.0645 0.03352 93 89 2 2
3505 Yeah, but it's not Mom's. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3506 Dad, land the chopper on the roof. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3507 I wasn't born this way, ya know. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3508 ...still waiting for Dad to get back from his cigarette run. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3509 I'm stuck in my crib and you're sending ME as S.O.S.? 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3510 The batteries must be dead. This is NOT what I wished for! 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3511 But the cookie jar said 'Eat me', Mom! 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3512 And, Mom, I think I'm perfectly capable of changing my OWN diaper, thank you very much! 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3513 This crib will be the death of me yet. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3514 NSA's new approach 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3515 Mom! Dad! Waz Up? 1.0645 0.03352 93 89 2 2
3516 «No, Jimmy. No texting until you grow up and get your own crib.» 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3517 Mother - I'm reawaken and ready to be coddled! 1.0645 0.03352 93 89 2 2
3518 I think you're being a little overprotective...even in Trump's America. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3519 Radio Ga Ga? 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3520 He tricked me. Again. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3521 Bring a story and formula. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3522 Sam, call Endora. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3523 I'm OK with this - Mom - just promise you won't monitor Snapchat. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3524 I know, see if you can hack the super's twitter. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3525 Forget the Enterprise Scotty, beam me up a clean diaper. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3526 Bring me a decent size bedpan that I can crap in. 1.0645 0.03352 93 89 2 2
3527 I am not sure if it's the bedroom or the sitting room ? 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3528 Can I Tweet on this ? 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3529 Can you Snapchat me a story? 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3530 Seyedmeysam Aghaseyedhosseini was born on 15 May 1983 in Rey, Iran. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3531 But, Herb, how will he ever find a safe space at THAT school?! 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3532 Apparently, the cry it out method doesn't work for job interviews. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3533 I'm ready to get out of solitary. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3534 Mom, this is the second time this week you've been late for my 3pm milk and cookies. 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
3535 No, you prove to me, you're really the Sandman and not Chris Hansen from 'To Catch a Predator'. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
3536 It's the HGH in my num nums. 1.0645 0.03684 93 90 0 3
3537 Jane...it's me...the time wrapper worked...it's the year he would be born! 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3538 Mayday! We have a situation, over and out. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3539 Dad, I think I've fixed your little gadget here... may I now exit the cradle? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3540 Booooring. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3541 Daddy called me 'Snowflake' when I requested a larger crib. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3542 Aw, Ma--you've had me behind bars for so long; it's not easy to break out! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3543 "Mama? Please can you come home now? The babysitter is sitting on the couch, drinking a bottle! Milk? "no, it's not white"! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3544 Maybe his answering machine is full 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3545 The voices had always been a comfort to Timmy...until the election. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3546 Now he's completely Ferberized me. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3547 Mom, Dad...I need a bigger play pen! 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3548 Ok Bibi, how about this: Stop building settlements and you can sleep in my bed again? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3549 Okay Mom, I get it, and I'm sorry for acting like a big baby over you taking my phone, but did you have to take my picture and put it on Instagram? 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3550 Acceptance and body positivity should be welcome in any era, mom, I'm the new president... 1.0549 0.03264 91 88 1 2
3551 Olfactory Activated. Lavender. Over. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3552 Hermione, get up, it's time for your high school bus in 5 minutes! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3553 Yes, Daddy. You'll be at the top of Breitbart tomorrow. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3554 Well it's not my turn! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3555 I'll unlock the door when he's asleep. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3556 Mom, where's my baby sitter? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3557 No. I'm not being a baby. I want my diaper changed now! 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3558 Mom, Can you bring me another bottle of warm milk ? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3559 Thought it was going to be a smooth transition -NOT! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3560 now I lay me down to sleep - with my phone 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3561 Note to self, adolescence slowly chipping away bliss. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3562 No, Billy; Mommy's too tired for hide-and-seek. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3563 No, I can't do you a favor. I'm busy doing my school suspension. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3564 Mommy change me. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3565 On the good ship lollipop 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3566 The market is coming back. It's time. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3567 We've so much in common, baby. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3568 Bring me a glass of warm coconut milk. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3569 Ma. Please dont ever call us "Generation Hurt" again. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3570 Go to sleep now or there's going to be a dark timeout. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3571 Hey, baby! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3572 I'll be back in the morning 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3573 If I move out of the basement, are you & dad still gonna unfriend me? 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3574 My diaper needs changed and I'd like a bottle. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3575 Mai dearest I do not want a caviar rubdown tonight, but thanks. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3576 If we make him a brother, we'll need to get another crib. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3577 Mom, it's time for me to go to Montesori. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3578 I leaned out 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3579 Yes, Mom, I'm sure I'm ready to move on from cosleeping." 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3580 Will this monitor text ? 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3581 Come downstairs for a snack? Can we negotiate this? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3582 Their ways of dealing with this aren't great but at least they're taking baby steps 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3583 Is anybody out there? Are they all like this? Forever...? 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3584 Are you feeling that childlike sense of freedom yet? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3585 Hey, baby! 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3586 Honey, I think your self care routine has gotten a little out of hand. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3587 hey, dumbasses, it's getting a little cramped in here! 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3588 Is it glutton-free? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3589 Mom, do YOU think you've raised me to be ready to leave for college? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3590 Funny, we don't look anything alike. 1.0549 0.03264 91 88 1 2
3591 Alas, poor Monitor, I knew him well....... 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3592 Honey, bring the pacifier when you come...wait, are you snoring? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3593 But technically, I'm not in the basement... 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3594 Mom can you open this gate please the party is starting soon! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3595 It's not fair...your father started it! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3596 Mommy's ready for her bottle now. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3597 Maybe it was a mistake to skip your sleep training. 1.0549 0.03264 91 88 1 2
3598 This is the only place where I can be without the helicopter. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3599 Yes, you're a big boy but sharing also means you unlock the bedroom door now. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3600 Barren Trump to the world. I'm a father-less child. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3601 I swear to God, Shannon, if you don't put bourbon in that formula, I'll go potty right here! 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3602 I'm trying to replicate the beginning of the atropogenic era. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3603 OK, I'll try, Mom. And I thought college was tough." 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3604 I guess you can call me Rip Van Tinkle. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3605 Dad, I'm sorry you found out I was on the pill, but making me sleep in here isn't going to change anything. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3606 I'm really not liking this "alternative bedtime" so far. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3607 Can I please get off the sleep train now, mom? 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3608 Testing . . . three, two, one, testing. Now I lay me down to sleep . . .. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3609 Until the next admin purge, this is as close as I can get to a womb. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3610 No need to leave, as long as I have you. 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3611 These pajamas don't really stand out on me. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3612 Hello? I'm still waiting for my bottle...of Mountain Dew. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3613 Can we dialogue about this? 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3614 Not Peter Pan's dream. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
3615 Ground control to Starship Rescue, Code xo#&! trapped in a playpen...yox1*; 1.0549 0.02866 91 87 3 1
3616 Even though he was big for his age his parents still treated Tom like a baby. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3617 Wahhh. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3618 Oh Sweetie, I asked for frozen, not fresh. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3619 Any idea how long this might take them? 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3620 The pursuit of verbal crib notes for getting milk and cookies never gets old. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3621 Okay - I'm sorry I get so whiny from watching Fox news. I'll give it up if you'll give me my bed back. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3622 DJT phone home 1.0543 0.03229 92 89 1 2
3623 I was triggered by a bad dream, I need a safer space! 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3624 It may seem like you pulled one over on me this time, son. But the joke's on you - I have a ton of student loan debt. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3625 It's this or a dog. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3626 Is that milk gluten free? Over. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3627 Timmy to M&D: Is that noise the new helicopter? 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3628 Hobbes, I'm sick of playing Die Hard. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3629 Yet another day wasted. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3630 U.S.A. to Peter Pan: I need advice. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3631 This is the crib that $51 billion buys? I guess I should have finished Harvard. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3632 Knock knock. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3633 Just sayin.' 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3634 Calling cuz' I'm too old and I'm going through puberty. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3635 Is it election season yet? 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
3636 crib to white house north - leakier conditions here than originally thought 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3637 All the little birdies go tweet tweet tweet 1.0543 0.03229 92 89 1 2
3638 Someday you will grow up and become a different person. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3639 What a terrible drawing, over? 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3640 The nightlite is reminding me of your mother and you forgot the cocktail hour, again! 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3641 Mom, don't you think we can keep our nanny without me having to stay in this playpen? 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
3642 I'm pacing myself for a 29-year finish time. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3643 Long story short....I'm being evicted by Planned Parenthood. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3644 If I want to be president, I need to start dressing the part now. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3645 When you are grounded and mom treats you like a baby; you are sleeping in a crib two times smaller than you... 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3646 Hey mom, no need to watch that new "Millennials" documentary, okay? It's really not worth the time. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3647 Perambulator, mom. Have you seen my perambulator, not pram. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3648 OK, crib-POD, then!- crib-POD! Fine. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3649 Ok, I'm glad I was able to help and I think you're a very young mother and I really have to finish that calculus homework. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3650 Ba ba bee boo -- does this thing still work? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3651 Why can't I get any sleep here?! 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3652 I wish I could Google how to get out of here. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3653 This is your wake-up call, Mom and Dad. Positivity is top of the agenda today: no slacking, no complaints. The naughty cellar is just a step away. On your feet now and keep smiling. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3654 Honey, I swear, I thought this would stimulate my childhood dreams, but something's off. Oh what the heck-- I'll give it another couple days. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3655 Mom, I'm ready to be held. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3656 Nothing like the good ole days 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3657 No, dinner actually sounds pretty good, dad. Is the IPA organic too? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3658 You're sleepwalking too. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3659 Innocence lost 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3660 It Missed 2001 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3661 You said, "We'll be right back." That was three president alpha elections ago. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3662 Feminism: made by women for women 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3663 Mom. Dad. Can you tell me more about this shave word? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3664 Now I get it... It said BABY'S monitor. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3665 Hey hun, I think they've taken these new-age baby books a little too far. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3666 Co-sleeping was supposed to bring us closer. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3667 Operation 'Find the Sleepwalker' is a go 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3668 One last time, they said "Phone goes, or crib stays." 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3669 Wait a second... 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3670 They are scary and dangerous! They keep yelling about the ACA! I won't go, no way. Over. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3671 But what if we have a Room & Board kid in a Crate & Barrel room? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3672 I just don't know how much longer I can wait to be put to bed. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3673 Mom, let the Postmate in. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3674 Suicide never smelled so good! 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3675 Parenting is no joke. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3676 Mom, can I have a sleepover with Sis in her big girl bed? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3677 Is it asleep? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3678 When I'm lyin' in my bed at night I don't want to grow up 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3679 Buh, buh, uhh buh duh 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3680 You are my snowflake. My little snowflake. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3681 It looks like the WH brain trust is thinking again! 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3682 Oh. Did we switch to Amazon Echo? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3683 Hey Mom. How about some fresh milk? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3684 Peter Pan, you're running late. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3685 She's out past curfew... 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3686 Don't tell me it's apple. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3687 Mission Goo Goo Ga Ga a go. Wow, that's a tongue twister. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3688 Daddy needs his thermos bottle. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3689 Is Dad back from Taco Bell yet? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3690 Your diaper is wet, you're hungry and no one's coming, am I correct? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3691 Hey, mom, can you get a video monitor with a bigger screen? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3692 This is what they call parents who refuse to let their child grow up. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3693 Overheard: "If Mom's still in a playpen, I'm in real trouble." 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3694 My playmate Wozniak, is ingenious. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3695 No, Amy I can't grab a cup of coffee. I'll be in this "nap jail" for another 4 years minimum. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3696 Just one more time, would you play that song about never lettin' go? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3697 Nothing left but some rocks on a windowsill. And that cupcake on the wall 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3698 Do I really have to wait until I'm 18? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3699 Hey, mom? Can you send in some pizza rolls? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3700 Ga..Ga..Gaga..Gaga... 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3701 Crib to Space Station! Where exactly did you say you left at home your mobile bunny rabbit? 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3702 Hold the mayo . . . 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3703 We do fires, then smack, then beer pong. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3704 I want to get out of here!! Twenty-one years! I understand the need for a Department of Newborn Vetting, but why is it taking so long? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3705 I'm still trapped in the baby cage. This sleep training thing is just not working for me! 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3706 I don't care..change yourself! 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3707 The ceremony of innocence is drowned. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3708 I wouldn't shut up. I wouldn't sit down. So he put me in a time out! 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3709 It's called 'Black Hawk Down parenting.' 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3710 No, Rip Junior! It is not time to get up! 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3711 The Pinnacle of Daddy Sleep Deprivation 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3712 Mom, I'm hungry. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3713 MOM! The meatloaf! 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3714 Is it glutton-free? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3715 Hillary prepares for a long nap as she listens to tips from Whoppi and gears up for her 2020 run. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3716 Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3717 I'm restarting with the basics; pre-smartphone 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3718 Hello, it's me. I was wondering ... 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3719 "Well, that's original." [this caption is for the previous image] 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3720 As James Bond said, 'I don't stop when I'm tired. I stop when I'm done.' 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3721 Mommy, can you tell me the story of "Sleep Training" one more time? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3722 No, bitch, I want Mar-a-Lago water, not Beltway water. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3723 Seriously, it was *one* bottle too many. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3724 And you're sure she won't notice? 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3725 Mom, "The night life, it ain't no good life, but it's my life", is my song. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3726 Mommy, your Little Baby needs him mommy to breastfeed him again. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3727 Mommy come in...I need satin...these cotton sheets are going to ruin my self-esteem and I'll never get into Harvard. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3728 This is Donald Trump's fault. 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3729 And to think independence truly began when I removed the batteries. Now I am a man. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3730 Yep, it's 'Orange is the New Black' with a night light. The baby can sleep with us tonight. Over. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3731 Times have really changed, haven't they Billy... 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3732 I hope she's able to start the coffee pot. 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3733 Baby Monitor: "...you fell for the oldest trick in the book, I'm hitting the bottle." 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3734 Donald screamed in the monitor, "Mommy, Mr. Bannon put this in my crib. I don't know what it is, but I heard him tell Mrs. Conway, 'If you hear Donald climbing out of his crib, then give him his pussy and tell him to go to sleep for four years.'" 1.0449 0.02726 89 86 2 1
3735 "Okay, I'll sing it: "Do you know the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man . . . ?"' 1.0449 0.02209 89 85 4 0
3736 Wait, this isn't a clock? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3737 My parents moved to Florida in 2004 and all I got was this baby monitor. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3738 Will someone make these PJ's fit again? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3739 I'm not sure I like this new teddy. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3740 New illustration for Freud's book, die Krippe Traum (The Crib Dream). 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3741 Turns out our Bubba-diddle was right after all. It is a lumpy mattress. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3742 Hello? Hello? Ryan dear can you hear me? Ok I'll stop crying. But I thought we agreed we wouldn't let the kids run the House. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3743 What if we gave the baby a disc ball, instead of a night light? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3744 My bed has bars like a PRISON CELL, so it's appropriate that I'm using my CELL PHONE. Maybe I should just SELL my phone. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3745 Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him before my boomerang. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3746 But Mom, isn't grounding me for a day in my baby crib merely a counterproductive form of kinder-abuse? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3747 "What do mean no negotiations for time outs? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3748 Maybe you need to cut back on Dateline instead of taking my phone. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3749 Ma I'm hungry get in here and put those saggy tits in my face. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3750 Parental Coneheads: Please stop buying milk from Texas. Over. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3751 It's time for a change of scenery, and this gadget never did work. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3752 My inner child is against any sudden moves right now. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3753 Beam me up mommy- please! 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3754 Because they just don't know how to work hard like we do. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3755 Trump calls me a big baby. But I don't think this is what he means. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3756 Pink is the new black. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3757 Sleep training is a cowboy skill. Hello, Phil Dunphy. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3758 And Goldilocks said, "I'm going back to my own bed. It's just right." 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3759 I can't find my coloring book. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3760 Big 2: Rachel Baskin Grows Up! 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3761 I wish my parents had bought the "everlasting" batteries. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3762 No one could say Peter wasn't committed to ghost-catching, cradle to grave. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3763 The playpen might have worked for you once, but you haven't chosen a good stock since you were in diapers. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3764 Really Mom...how can this monitor not be on our Family & Friends plan? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3765 Mom, I understand my last name isn't Jones. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3766 Mom, I need some breast milk! 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3767 You think maybe I'm too white the this crib? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3768 Mommy, why do we look so different? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3769 Big Brother, what do the bells of St. Clement's say? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3770 Can you here me? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3771 Cash me outside how bow dah. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3772 I think I need some batteries to call my mom. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3773 *khhcht* "Looks like it's time for some game theory" *Ktchct* 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3774 No Johnny, just because your in a crib with a baby monitor in a onesie does not make you a baby, for the last time get your own milk and cookies. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3775 Eric's thinking, "Get a load of this: the President's tweeting me that I should grow up!" 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3776 Yo Ric, I knew him well, Horatio. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3777 Calling Dr. Jill Stein ... calling Dr. Jill Stein ... come in, Dr. Jill Stein. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3778 Okay let's crank it down a bit 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3779 No, I didn't get Nesting and Guesting confused. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3780 They took our toy poodle to Westminster and left me here to guard her dog bed. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3781 Sherry began to believe her behavior was juvenile when she overheard and understood the word. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3782 Mom, can I come out now? His four-year term is finally over. Over. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3783 Hey Dad, can you tell Mom moving to DC is fne with me? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3784 He's gonna kill us when he finds out. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3785 Stop kidding around and come down for breakfast. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3786 yes, I remember it well 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3787 I didn't win a trophy in my dream. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3788 I don't think those carrots are sitting well. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3789 Don, this is Vincent. Do you read me? Over. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3790 Thanks, honey, I slept like a log. Your turn. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3791 I just want to go back to the stress-free past. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3792 It looks, for lack of a better word, sinful. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3793 What? I'm being banned from entering my own bedroom? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3794 Don't believe the fake news media. The White House is running VERY WELL (@realDonaldTrump) 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3795 So how much longer DO I have to wait for my class of water? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3796 8 years and still no working Obamaphone... 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3797 Rip Van Winkle, 2.0. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3798 ...and then stupid CPAC disinvited me and then stinky Breitbart told me to go home, and then...Hello? Mom? Are you still listening? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3799 Ok you can unlock the door, my mindfulness session is not working 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3800 A modern Utica crib. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3801 You wet yourself again? Do we need to go back to potty trainers? 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3802 When is it my turn to play Yiannopoulos? 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3803 Mom?! You haven't taken me out of my crib in ten years! 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3804 I may be considered the first helicopter parent of an infant. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3805 My theory of relativity states that a big brother who watches you long enough becomes your little brother. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3806 Mom, I'm confused....he is my Daddy too! 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3807 Hello God. I'm beginning to think that I'm not 'THE BEST'. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3808 I dunno Eve, doesn't smell like strawberry rhubarb to me. 1.0345 0.02558 87 85 1 1
3809 Make baby great again 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3810 I just sh*t my jammies, again. That's 30 days and counting. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3811 I knew this was just for show! 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3812 If I lived in the hood I'd be Skyping from my crib. 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
3813 The Bogeyman just proposed to me. 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
3814 Thomas Edison Junior discovers the night lightbulb. 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
3815 Welcome to Oxydol's own Ma Perkins ... 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
3816 S 1.0341 0.02529 88 86 1 1
3817 Now I'm really being a baby 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
3818 That's a big 10-4 good buddy. 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
3819 Hon, we're picking up the drive-thru from the Burger Hut. 1.0341 0.02529 88 86 1 1
3820 Wait, so the "anchor baby" out is a myth? And you need to be an actual infant? SHIT! 1.0341 0.02529 88 86 1 1
3821 Whats with this childish alarm call? 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
3822 Just like dad did to me, it made me Great Again! (except for a couple of fetishes). 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3823 It's tough being adopted by a goldfish. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3824 For god's sake, WE WERE CHILDREN. We never asked for trophies, or for our parents to hover or call our teachers for daring to give us a C. -Trung's Cupcake@ECCC on Twitter 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3825 I see you're taking the gas leak seriously. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3826 Pilot from Navigator 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3827 the fourth amendment says this is illegal ! 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3828 I wanna live... not merely survive... and I won't give up this dream of Life that keeps me alive... I GOTTA BE ME... 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3829 Who knew 'juvenile' is a dirty word? 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3830 Oh Lance, another nightmare about your schoolmates not playing fair? 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3831 But, she was being reverse-racist. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3832 I'm 10-4! 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3833 Mom, sorry to keep you up but can you get me some sleep aids? 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3834 Honey, are you sure this is what they meant by "practice" at Lamaze? 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3835 Got it, AG Sessions; this 'Cribs' press conference will win over your urban 'fans.' 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3836 I had a bowel movement in my pants and i'm hungry. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3837 Time for my coddle feeding. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3838 Mom, Dad, I'm hiding from the nuclear bombs that are to come. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3839 Call Lenore Skenazy! 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3840 Wishes really do come true, wonder if my body gets younger too! Oh well time for middle school. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3841 car 54 where are you> 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3842 Mom, are you there? With everything that is happening right now, post-election, I need you to remember to check in on me. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3843 God morning, young Rip Van Winkle, Jr.! Time to rise and shine! 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3844 bush did the nine eleven 1.0235 0.02353 85 84 0 1
3845 I think I'm getting bed sores! 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3846 Mummy, Mummy, I still haven't outgrown my fear of the dark. Come quick! 1.0235 0.02353 85 84 0 1
3847 Statistic surveys report that in the last decade for adult children to leave their parents" house 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3848 Honey, it's not possible for me to nurse the baby. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3849 Yes, I wrote myself a baby subroutine, but I think I'll leave out diapers...you can get too real with this human shit 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3850 "Ask them what their vacation policy is and tell them I'll call them back, Mom" the millennial begged. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3851 Hmm, something about a guy named Jack running down a beanstalk carrying papa's prized goose. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3852 Big Brother is always watching you 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3853 I've been on my cell phone since birth 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3854 Apple? I’m gluten intolerant Eve, but maybe this one time . . . 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3855 I'm more of a Banned Blueberry fan, but I guess Forbidden Apple will do. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3856 How am I supposed to keep my Snapchat streak alive? 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3857 And then I wish she told me I could be president someday, but didn't have to. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3858 I wonder if this gadget makes collect calls like the old phone down the hall in my dorm. 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3859 It's time he grows up, we have got to get him out of that crib! 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3860 The battery died. You kidding me? 1.0235 0.02353 85 84 0 1
3861 Is your life as fulfilling as mine? 1.0235 0.01654 85 83 2 0
3862 If you build it, they will come. 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3863 The twins wanted to check out the bunk beds. 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3864 Uhhh...you had me at the apple. 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3865 So, how much longer until my math homework? 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3866 I'm here because I disagreed with what they said, but before I could defend to the death their right to say it ,they called me names and chased me. 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3867 I'm 10-4! 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3868 But, what if all we're ever remembered for is introducing gluten into the world? 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
3869 Momma..............dadda.......? 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3870 B-b-b-b-baby.... wa-wa-wa-want....m-m-m-milk 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3871 Adam: "More like Garden of Eatin'! Am I right?!" God: "Get the f*ck out" 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3872 I'll take a five, and a twenty and a... 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3873 Shhh, ok I'll do it, but you'll have to run if my mom and dad hear us. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3874 To dream the impossible dream. No matter how hopeless. No matter how far. To be willing to march! To this glorious quest! And the world will be better for this. [amen] ~ Man of La Mancha 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3875 It's a hell of a thing to know what you smell like as a fart. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3876 Little yellow bus. Little crib. I can't win. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3877 I wonder if this is how Han Solo started? 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3878 Now, for the next part of your Regression Therapy, Mrs. Nugent... 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3879 We're grooming you to be president. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3880 Okay Mom I'm ready. Send down MTV Cribs. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3881 Mom, my diaper needs to be changed. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3882 Trigger Warning:this is my new start-up! 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3883 Hmmm.....my conscience tells me to skip dessert. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3884 Every form of refuge has its spice. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3885 Home schooling makes me a cyborg. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3886 I didn't like dinner so tomorrow you're grounded. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3887 But 9,999,999 is trying. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3888 Mom, can you bring me my binky? I think I left it in -- [to camera] get this, folks -- my participation trophy room. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3889 The mobile will help my insomnia - don't infantilize me. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3890 So at what point do I get out the safety scissors, for my eyes? 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3891 Dad, when can I visit the White House? 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3892 "Holy Crap! I'm late for the weekly #notmypresident Trump protest! "- Jimmy Joe 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3893 Roger...over and out. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3894 "Baby cakes 4.00 am is a reasonable time, when your drinking with the guys 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3895 The lemonade was one thing, I'm not so sure about this. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3896 Mom, thanks for my laundry, but this is my little boy t shirt. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3897 His baby mamma car and crib is bigger than his. Over. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3898 Stephen wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3899 Yo, Mom, letting you know the drone stays down during the SAT exam. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3900 Are you really my parents from X1394DA? 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3901 Abracadabra! Tweet me to K-49. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3902 And that's how I found out that dad has a foot fetish.. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3903 I'm anxious my dreams will be substandard. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3904 Why should my stupid situation enable me to say why BEK cartoons are never funny? 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3905 Ga ga ga, goo goo goo, ga ga ga. 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3906 ' even a single one would be fine mom ! " 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3907 S 1.0120 0.01212 83 82 1 0
3908 This is not what I meant by borrowing dad's hand me downs. 1.0119 0.01198 84 83 1 0
3909 Why can't Putin can't fill in for me when I'm low energy?? This country is TOTALLY Overrated! UNFAIR!! 1.0119 0.01198 84 83 1 0
3910 To hell with freaky Furter, Riff Raff, I want my McLaren to Bellevue NOW! 1.0119 0.01198 84 83 1 0
3911 I never thought that when I got old the diaper would be on the other... 1.0119 0.01198 84 83 1 0
3912 Wow, I've never seen so much smoke in my life. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3913 Mom! ... Mo-o-m? Is the Ovange still avound? 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3914 Did you forget? I'm conducting the monthly side-by-side accuracy test of our hospital-grade oximeter tonight. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3915 OK now! Wheres my Baby??? 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3916 I wish the baby alarm would not go off every day. Would that baby just stop. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3917 I'm tired of playing crib-age, I want a regular bed shaped like a ducky. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3918 Maybe if my mother would stop locking me in here, I wouldn't avoid speaking to her and spend so much time on my phone. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3919 "Who're you calling, a baby? Robert Ferrante Shelton, CT 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3920 Fifty-five more years Mary Anne and Don' T will be President. Oh Fred. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3921 When is the helicopter taking off today? 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3922 You're behavior classifies your maturity level not your age. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3923 YOU TUBE "how much is your largest crib?" 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0
3924 SDIHTT! TTYAW. 1.0000 0.01242 81 81 0 0