Contest #554


Cartoon

554


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-01-23
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-02-05 (estimated)
Number of captions 5154
Number of responses 928060
Number of participants 31775


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 You were with Ringling Brothers? I was with Lehman Brothers. 1.9821 0.01018 6645 2347 2070 2228
1 Well, it suits you better than the president costume. 1.9317 0.03900 556 255 84 217
2 Sure, it's all fun and games. Until one of you gets elected. 1.9168 0.01489 3053 1171 965 917
3 Hey, all I know is that they left in a very small car. 1.9082 0.01726 1993 691 794 508
4 Would you like that straight up, on the rocks, or sprayed directly in your face? 1.9058 0.01490 2939 1110 996 833
5 Shouldn't you be at your confirmation hearing? 1.8948 0.01190 5341 2329 1245 1767
6 Don't let it get you down. There were only so many cabinet positions he could fill. 1.8535 0.01735 2239 942 683 614
7 Well, whoever they hire to replace you is going to have some big shoes to fill. 1.8158 0.02314 1189 508 392 289
8 It's not that kind of happy hour. 1.8126 0.01728 1948 783 747 418
9 Here for the Inauguration? 1.8079 0.01912 1806 803 547 456
10 OK, I'll serve you, but don't try anything funny. 1.8018 0.01903 1670 703 595 372
11 No ID, no drink. I can't just serve every clown who walks in here. 1.7544 0.02093 1372 622 465 285
12 Cheer up. In four years you can be the world's greatest clown again. 1.7528 0.02098 1517 740 412 365
13 In town for the Inauguration? 1.7413 0.02147 1403 682 402 319
14 Sorry, you're late. The rabbi and priest just left. 1.7210 0.02172 1226 573 422 231
15 "Just Bailey's, no Barnum". 1.7122 0.02316 1157 573 344 240
16 I knew Bozo. And you're no Bozo. 1.7061 0.02340 1116 553 338 225
17 You want that shaken or squirted? 1.6975 0.02374 1061 526 330 205
18 First they fired the elephants, and I said nothing. 1.6856 0.02572 986 525 246 215
19 No Barnums. Will Baileys do? 1.6855 0.02517 989 514 272 203
20 Maybe she just didn't take you seriously. 1.6773 0.02477 942 473 300 169
21 Who dressed you, Kellyanne Conway? 1.6739 0.02833 923 541 142 240
22 Tough day at the confirmation hearings? 1.6682 0.02647 889 473 238 178
23 You can't be serious. 1.6682 0.02668 892 480 228 184
24 Sorry -- none of our hours are happy anymore. 1.6682 0.02565 895 461 270 164
25 Neat, on the rocks, or squirted in your eye? 1.6563 0.02667 838 443 240 155
26 Do you want that in a glass or squirted directly in your face? 1.6546 0.02678 828 438 238 152
27 Must be tough, having your kid run off to join a law firm. 1.6511 0.02729 814 438 222 154
28 First they came for the elephants... 1.6484 0.02858 802 453 178 171
29 Your wife called. She wants you to pick up a cream pie on the way home. 1.6435 0.02696 777 407 240 130
30 One more before your confirmation hearing? 1.6431 0.02886 779 441 175 163
31 Maybe she met a guy with a bigger car. 1.6386 0.02719 761 401 234 126
32 Who's the jerk now, Bob? 1.6386 0.03060 761 458 120 183
33 Buddy, these days we're ALL crying on the inside. 1.6382 0.02858 738 404 197 137
34 Sounds like you're juggling too much 1.6248 0.02759 709 374 227 108
35 The ad clearly said "only serious applicants need apply." 1.6243 0.02792 708 378 218 112
36 You can't be serious. 1.6238 0.02935 707 398 177 132
37 Will the rest of Congress be joining you today? 1.6199 0.02932 692 387 181 124
38 That's how it ends, one day they just tell you their is no room in the car. 1.6179 0.02988 670 377 172 121
39 You want it in a glass or to the face? 1.6164 0.02943 683 383 179 121
40 This is 6100 Pennsylvania Avenue. I think you're looking for 1600. 1.6131 0.03150 659 392 130 137
41 … so 25 was one too many for the car? 1.6105 0.02949 665 372 180 113
42 I'm guessing you're in D.C. for a confirmation hearing. 1.6041 0.03128 639 376 140 123
43 I agree, he is going to make the rest of you look bad. 1.5990 0.03085 626 362 153 111
44 Orange mop hair, rainbow tutu, big blue grin? Yeah, she was here. 1.5987 0.02872 623 335 203 85
45 I'll check the lost & found. Can you describe the shoes? 1.5964 0.02978 607 335 182 90
46 You want that straight up or in the face? 1.5941 0.03079 611 351 157 103
47 Maybe they all sense you aren't ready for a serious relationship. 1.5924 0.02983 606 337 179 90
48 Maybe she didn't take you seriously. 1.5903 0.03043 598 338 167 93
49 They all got in the car and left. 1.5885 0.03138 593 345 147 101
50 Need me to call you a tiny car? 1.5878 0.03040 592 334 168 90
51 Just because you show up doesn't make it happy hour. 1.5859 0.03101 582 333 157 92
52 You should tell her if you're not ready to get serious. 1.5753 0.03200 558 328 139 91
53 Sorry, sir. No pants, no service. 1.5725 0.03167 552 321 146 85
54 It's not just you. He made a clown of all of us. 1.5701 0.03295 549 332 121 96
55 So how'd your confirmation hearing go? 1.5699 0.03298 544 328 122 94
56 Of course I have beer, do I look like a bozo? Sorry, that was insensitive. 1.5677 0.03175 539 313 146 80
57 Yes, we are balloon dog friendly 1.5676 0.03816 370 214 102 54
58 Your Mom and I begged you to go to a regular college. 1.5669 0.03212 538 316 139 83
59 Don't lose hope. There's still the Supreme Court vacancy. 1.5661 0.03292 537 323 124 90
60 He offered you Secretary of what? 1.5633 0.03321 529 320 120 89
61 Sounds like you've got some big shoes to fill. 1.5516 0.03157 504 290 150 64
62 Nope. Haven't seen that Bozo in here for years. 1.5516 0.03243 504 297 136 71
63 Girls say they want a guy who's funny and spontaneous, but they don't really mean it. 1.5502 0.03274 498 295 132 71
64 No more circus? Next you're gonna tell me Donald Trump is President. 1.5498 0.03569 482 305 89 88
65 I usually expect a priest and a rabbi this time of day, but you'll do. 1.5475 0.03150 495 284 151 60
66 They really said there was no room in the car?! 1.5432 0.03413 486 299 110 77
67 Must be pretty cool seeing one of your own make it to the highest office in the country. 1.5415 0.03448 482 299 105 78
68 These two lions are eating a clown and one says to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?" 1.5407 0.03337 479 288 123 68
69 Have you considered joining the media circus? 1.5389 0.03346 475 286 122 67
70 Okay, one drink. But no funny business. 1.5380 0.03284 474 281 131 62
71 All right, you can stay. But no funny stuff. 1.5380 0.03202 474 275 143 56
72 What do you do? 1.5372 0.03368 471 285 119 67
73 Some bozo was just in here looking for you. 1.5370 0.03303 473 282 128 63
74 Welcome to D.C., I think you're going to fit in just fine. 1.5333 0.03402 465 284 114 67
75 I'm assuming you're the designated driver for the fourteen guys in the car outside? 1.5325 0.03221 462 269 140 53
76 Maybe she's not seeing the real you. 1.5306 0.03330 458 274 125 59
77 That's right, "Sad Hour" specials for the next four years 1.5286 0.03424 454 278 112 64
78 Hey, smile, pal, one of your guys just hit it big. 1.5285 0.03524 456 287 97 72
79 Nobody takes me seriously either. 1.5265 0.03260 452 266 134 52
80 Nobody takes me seriously either. 1.5256 0.03215 449 261 140 48
81 If you're looking for him, he just left. Orange hair, red face, and tiny hands. 1.5246 0.03489 448 279 103 66
82 Honestly? When you pulled up in your car, I expected more of you. 1.5214 0.03431 443 272 111 60
83 Let me explain "Happy Hour" again. 1.5195 0.03483 437 271 105 61
84 Being the only performer at the inauguration must be a lot of pressure. 1.5195 0.03601 437 279 89 69
85 Sorry, we don't serve mimers. 1.5195 0.03572 437 277 93 67
86 Howdy, there. On the rocks or in the face? 1.5194 0.03425 439 269 112 58
87 I don't want any funny business in here. 1.5172 0.03418 435 266 113 56
88 Let me explain "happy hour." 1.5172 0.03465 435 269 107 59
89 Don't take it personally. I call everyone in here "Bozo". 1.5172 0.03453 437 270 108 59
90 You're not the only clown with orange hair in this town. 1.5162 0.03468 432 267 107 58
91 The ad said, "Serious inquiries only." 1.5162 0.03405 432 263 115 54
92 Lemon wedge or banana peel? 1.5161 0.03393 434 264 116 54
93 I don't want any funny business. 1.5151 0.03458 431 266 108 57
94 No, you can't just order a banana peel. 1.5140 0.03449 430 265 109 56
95 The usual, Senator? 1.5117 0.03583 426 271 92 63
96 Are they sending in any more? 1.5095 0.03543 420 264 98 58
97 I'm sorry, we've already elected one. 1.5072 0.03728 416 273 75 68
98 Come on, everything tastes funny to you. 1.5072 0.03454 416 256 109 51
99 You can have the .357 Magnum right away, but for the cream pie there's a background check and a 3-day cooling off period. 1.5049 0.03563 412 260 96 56
100 Good morning, Mr. Secretary. 1.5049 0.03580 412 261 94 57
101 Look on the bright side: now you have representation in the White House. 1.5048 0.03711 414 271 77 66
102 You're right: You could be president. 1.5036 0.03570 411 260 95 56
103 Cheer up, pal. If there's one person who can bring back the circus, it's our new President. 1.5024 0.03593 410 261 92 57
104 It must be tough. Nobody is laughing since Nov 8. 1.5024 0.03543 410 258 98 54
105 So, what cabinet post are you in town for? 1.5012 0.03696 407 265 80 62
106 I'll need to see a picture ID. 1.5000 0.03620 406 260 89 57
107 You must get this all the time, but you look exactly like the president 1.5000 0.03637 406 261 87 58
108 The cabbie says he can fit 23 of you, tops. 1.5000 0.03443 404 248 110 46
109 Sorry, it's not funny unless TWO clowns walk into a bar. 1.5000 0.03316 404 241 124 39
110 Straight up, or in your pants? 1.5000 0.03566 404 255 96 53
111 The circus moved to Washington. 1.4988 0.03839 403 271 63 69
112 In a glass or should I just spray it in your face? 1.4950 0.03571 398 252 95 51
113 No room for you in the car? 1.4949 0.03420 396 242 112 42
114 The next Happy Hour? January, 2021. 1.4949 0.03793 396 263 70 63
115 So when is your confirmation hearing? 1.4937 0.03749 395 260 75 60
116 I feel for you buddy. He is giving clowns a bad name. 1.4934 0.03758 377 244 80 53
117 Sorry, you're too late, we just elected one, but if you have a billion dollars you might get a Cabinet position. 1.4923 0.03754 392 258 75 59
118 You're late-- the priest and the rabbi already left. 1.4897 0.03529 388 243 100 45
119 i gotta hand it to you Jimmy. You really stuck with it. 7th grade class clown and look at you now. 1.4897 0.03695 388 252 82 54
120 It's an extra $2 to throw it in your face. 1.4870 0.03580 386 245 94 47
121 Most of the unemployed clowns I know have moved to Washington. 1.4870 0.03556 384 242 97 45
122 Well, at least you have your dignity. 1.4870 0.03536 384 241 99 44
123 Surely you jest. 1.4842 0.03525 380 238 100 42
124 You should've been here last night. It was a three ring circus. 1.4842 0.03544 380 239 98 43
125 You're too late. They already sent in the clown. 1.4827 0.03638 375 240 89 46
126 Do you want that pie in your face or to go? 1.4815 0.03498 378 236 102 40
127 Do you want the seltzer in a glass or down your pants? 1.4815 0.03712 378 247 80 51
128 The nearest circus? 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.... 1.4815 0.03805 378 252 70 56
129 The Rabbi and the Priest called...they're running late. 1.4814 0.03450 376 232 107 37
130 There was a rabbi and a priest asking for you earlier. 1.4814 0.03552 376 237 97 42
131 Sorry, we don't serve mimers. 1.4800 0.03754 375 247 76 52
132 Nice try Bozo, but you blinked first. 1.4800 0.03696 375 244 82 49
133 Sidecar?? 1.4786 0.03664 374 242 85 47
134 With or without the flower, I think your Tinder date will recognize you. 1.4786 0.03463 374 232 105 37
135 Would you like a drink now, or should we wait for the priest and the rabbi? 1.4785 0.03559 372 235 96 41
136 Do you want that in your face or a glass? 1.4785 0.03579 372 236 94 42
137 Ringling Bros. is gone for good. But I hear the White House is hiring. 1.4785 0.03815 372 248 70 54
138 Listen mac, your not the only one with big shoes to fill. 1.4785 0.03679 372 241 84 47
139 Surely you can't be serious 1.4771 0.03607 371 237 91 43
140 You've been here before - I never forget a face. 1.4771 0.03441 371 229 107 35
141 Would you like that in a glass or sprayed in your face? 1.4770 0.03702 369 240 82 47
142 When God closes one circus, He opens another. 1.4740 0.03691 365 237 83 45
143 Nobody likes the picture on their license. I still need to see your ID. 1.4740 0.03650 365 235 87 43
144 You'll be okay. When one tent closes, another opens. 1.4722 0.03426 360 221 108 31
145 Sorry, they just all left in one car. 1.4711 0.03726 363 238 79 46
146 Let me guess - you're my elected representative. 1.4711 0.03767 363 240 75 48
147 The unusual? 1.4711 0.03787 363 241 73 49
148 Oh, I get it - this is where I'm supposed to say 'Why the sad face?', right? 1.4709 0.03552 361 228 96 37
149 No. You being here does not automatically make it "Happy Hour." 1.4709 0.03573 361 229 94 38
150 Sorry pal -- we only serve seltzer in a glass. 1.4694 0.03623 360 231 89 40
151 You just missed the priest and the rabbi. 1.4694 0.03426 360 222 107 31
152 I didn't go to college for this, either. 1.4692 0.03632 341 215 92 34
153 Cheer up bub. Those elephants are unemployed now too. 1.4663 0.03904 356 242 62 52
154 Have you considered politics? 1.4663 0.03696 356 232 82 42
155 You're not a joke unless you walk into a bar with someone. 1.4633 0.03770 341 223 78 40
156 Smile buddy, you finally got one of your own in the white house 1.4631 0.03748 352 232 77 43
157 Look, not every bozo gets a cabinet position. 1.4629 0.03807 350 233 72 45
158 Congress on recess? 1.4629 0.03807 350 233 72 45
159 Sorry buddy, you are on the no-pie list. 1.4618 0.03846 340 226 71 43
160 You sure you can juggle two jobs? 1.4615 0.04197 260 167 66 27
161 You're unemployed because of elephants? 1.4598 0.04013 348 242 52 54
162 I guess the Greatest Show on Earth couldn't handle the competition in D.C. 1.4580 0.03781 345 229 74 42
163 Next happy hour starts in...one hour and four years. 1.4577 0.04015 343 238 53 52
164 Which Cabinet post are you up for? 1.4577 0.03842 343 230 69 44
165 So how did the confirmation hearing go? 1.4577 0.03797 343 228 73 42
166 Are you laughing on the inside? 1.4577 0.03706 343 224 81 38
167 The unusual? 1.4577 0.03566 343 218 93 32
168 I’ll be glad to call a cab for you, but you’ll probably have to share it with a dozen others. 1.4545 0.03790 341 227 73 41
169 He's giving you clowns a bad name. 1.4545 0.03813 341 228 71 42
170 I'm sorry, we don't have an unhappy hour 1.4545 0.03698 341 223 81 37
171 You're early. The priest and rabbi called and said they're on their way. 1.4529 0.03775 340 226 74 40
172 I hope that was a whoopie cushion 1.4527 0.03650 338 219 85 34
173 Unemployed? 1.4527 0.03815 338 226 71 41
174 Surely you jest. 1.4527 0.03650 338 219 85 34
175 This is the beer line. There's no punch line. 1.4507 0.03793 335 223 73 39
176 So, you want to talk about the elephant NOT in the room? 1.4507 0.03839 335 225 69 41
177 You just missed the priest and the rabbi. 1.4507 0.03863 335 226 67 42
178 Sorry, this is happy hour. 1.4507 0.03816 335 224 71 40
179 What should I say if Melania calls? 1.4491 0.03894 334 227 64 43
180 Long day Mr. Press secretary? 1.4491 0.03871 334 226 66 42
181 I have to step away for a moment. Don't try anything funny. 1.4491 0.03680 334 218 82 34
182 Really? You can't be serious. 1.4491 0.03963 334 230 58 46
183 So what if the circus closed. You can always be Secretary of Education. 1.4455 0.03951 330 227 59 44
184 Do you want that pie in a box, or in your face? 1.4455 0.03736 330 218 77 35
185 Shall I call you a very small car? 1.4455 0.03809 330 221 71 38
186 Some Bozo was looking for you earlier today. 1.4451 0.03702 328 215 80 33
187 Oh, I'm a jerk? Well you're a clown. 1.4451 0.03702 328 215 80 33
188 Cheer up, Chuckles. Orange hair is in. 1.4434 0.03785 327 218 73 36
189 Clowns are out. Buffoons are in. 1.4434 0.03883 327 222 65 40
190 Sorry about Ringling Brothers, but I hear there's a new circus opening in Washington. 1.4434 0.03834 327 220 69 38
191 I'm guessing you want the greatest drink on earth. 1.4431 0.03876 325 220 66 39
192 The duck and rabbi left you the tab. 1.4431 0.03973 325 224 58 43
193 She wanted me to tell you she found somebody who takes her seriously. 1.4431 0.03726 325 214 78 33
194 So, how is the transition coming along? 1.4396 0.03792 323 216 72 35
195 I'm cutting you off Chuckles, you're driving seventeen people home. 1.4396 0.03843 323 218 68 37
196 Tough confirmation hearing? 1.4396 0.03792 323 216 72 35
197 The new administration is giving you people a bad name. 1.4396 0.03792 323 216 72 35
198 If you start any trouble, I will go straight for your juggler 1.4396 0.03868 323 219 66 38
199 The clown show moved. Try 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. 1.4396 0.03941 323 222 60 41
200 Something to turn that frown upside down? 1.4396 0.03584 323 208 88 27
201 Look at the bright side...you've got a great shot at a Cabinet position. 1.4393 0.03809 321 215 71 35
202 I can't offer you health insurance, but isn't laughter the best medicine? 1.4393 0.03758 321 213 75 33
203 Evening, Senator! 1.4393 0.03809 321 215 71 35
204 Shouldn't you be at the inauguration? 1.4375 0.03894 320 218 64 38
205 Let see if I've got this right - you want the whiskey in a glass and the seltzer down your pants? 1.4371 0.03937 318 218 61 39
206 The usual, Mankoff? 1.4371 0.04012 318 221 55 42
207 You could always try politics. 1.4371 0.03937 318 218 61 39
208 Next time come back with a priest and a rabbi. 1.4371 0.03809 318 213 71 34
209 Friends don't let friends drink and unicycle. 1.4371 0.03594 318 205 87 26
210 Why the long shoes? 1.4353 0.03790 317 212 72 33
211 So how'd your confirmation hearing go? 1.4353 0.03764 317 211 74 32
212 I'll need to see a photo ID. 1.4335 0.03877 316 215 65 36
213 I know a place that’s hiring guys with your qualifications…but you have to appear before a Senate Confirmation Committee. 1.4335 0.03903 316 216 63 37
214 I'm guessing it wasn't the Greatest Show on Earth? 1.4335 0.03798 316 212 71 33
215 You have big shoes to fill. 1.4335 0.03798 316 212 71 33
216 I apologize. I was wrong to use the phrase "you people." 1.4335 0.03928 316 217 61 38
217 When you told me you were coming out I thought you were gay. 1.4331 0.03842 314 212 68 34
218 One sidecar, coming up! 1.4331 0.03816 314 211 70 33
219 Why the long shoes? 1.4331 0.03735 314 208 76 30
220 Funny seeing you here. 1.4331 0.03680 314 206 80 28
221 Let me guess--something with an umbrella? 1.4331 0.03624 314 204 84 26
222 I need you to work all your shifts until the full Senate approves your nomination. 1.4331 0.04049 314 220 52 42
223 Seltzer, no ice, straight to the face? 1.4328 0.03925 305 207 64 34
224 A quick one before your confirmation hearing? 1.4317 0.03911 315 216 62 37
225 Are you serious? 1.4317 0.03937 315 217 60 38
226 Any funny business and you’re out. 1.4313 0.03603 313 203 85 25
227 The orange hair gave you away... 1.4313 0.04007 313 218 55 40
228 Congratulations on the cabinet appointment. 1.4313 0.03877 313 213 65 35
229 That's funny: A priest and a rabbi were just in here looking for you. 1.4309 0.03814 311 209 70 32
230 Have you thought about politics? 1.4290 0.03795 310 208 71 31
231 Funny seeing you here. 1.4277 0.03946 311 215 59 37
232 You can have a drink, but I don't want any funny business. 1.4272 0.03775 309 207 72 30
233 All of them piled into a tiny car and sped off while you were in the bathroom. They said you'd get the bill. 1.4272 0.03830 309 209 68 32
234 You can start tomorrow, but no funny business. 1.4272 0.03803 309 208 70 31
235 Let me guess--you want a Sidecar 1.4272 0.03885 309 211 64 34
236 The rabbi and the priest haven't arrived yet. 1.4272 0.03803 309 208 70 31
237 Sorry, I'll pour it into a glass and you'll have to throw it in your own face, 1.4272 0.03803 309 208 70 31
238 It would've been funnier if you walked in with priest and a rabbi. 1.4272 0.03747 309 206 74 29
239 We don't want any funny business here. 1.4272 0.03690 309 204 78 27
240 You should have seen it coming when they got rid of the elephants. 1.4272 0.03938 309 213 60 36
241 We don't want any funny business here. 1.4267 0.03820 307 207 69 31
242 Will it be Barnum or Bailey's? 1.4267 0.03984 307 213 57 37
243 I didn't think that they really would send in the clowns. 1.4267 0.03984 307 213 57 37
244 Barnum and Baileys? 1.4248 0.03772 306 205 72 29
245 So, how was your first day as president? 1.4248 0.03993 306 213 56 37
246 Looks like you missed happy hour. 1.4243 0.03957 304 210 59 35
247 You have some big shoes to fill. 1.4243 0.03702 304 201 77 26
248 The ad was meant to read "must be able to juggle shifts .... " 1.4243 0.03902 304 208 63 33
249 Well it certainly sounds like you should have won the caption contest by now 1.4243 0.03957 304 210 59 35
250 Look on the bright side. You won't feel alone in Washington. 1.4243 0.03818 304 205 69 30
251 Why are you hiding out here? Aren't you supposed to be making America great again? 1.4243 0.04092 304 215 49 40
252 Going by the color of your nose, I'd say you've had enough 1.4243 0.03732 304 202 75 27
253 I think that making clowning great again has already be taken care of. 1.4243 0.04066 304 214 51 39
254 Look, I don't want no funny business. 1.4224 0.03797 303 204 70 29
255 We're not hiring any clowns right now. Try the White House. 1.4224 0.03938 303 209 60 34
256 How did your Senate confirmation hearing go? 1.4224 0.03993 303 211 56 36
257 I'd be careful...the new administration is sensitive about people inpersonating the president. 1.4216 0.04188 287 203 47 37
258 On the rocks, pal, or squirted it in your face when you least expect it? 1.4205 0.03919 302 208 61 33
259 No, I can't put it down your pants. 1.4205 0.03974 302 210 57 35
260 You're the only clown left, the others got jobs in Washington. 1.4181 0.03917 299 206 61 32
261 It's not really "Undercover Boss" if I know it's you, Sam. 1.4181 0.04058 299 211 51 37
262 Just be out of here before Happy Hour. 1.4181 0.03772 299 201 71 27
263 Here in Washington for the swearing in ? 1.4181 0.03974 299 208 57 34
264 Look, I don't want no funny business. 1.4175 0.03908 297 204 62 31
265 'A clown walks into a bar?' That's all you've got? 1.4175 0.03667 297 196 78 23
266 Sorry about Ringling Bros. closing. Have you thought about running for Congress? 1.4175 0.03994 297 207 56 34
267 This is happy hour; silly hour starts at 5pm. 1.4175 0.03819 297 201 68 28
268 You can have anything you want. Remember, you're the President now. 1.4167 0.04102 300 214 47 39
269 Sorry to hear about Ringling Bros., have you tried The White House? 1.4161 0.04011 298 209 54 35
270 Sorry we're not hiring. I hear the government has a few openings! 1.4155 0.03797 296 200 69 27
271 Sorry, not hiring. Have you tried the White House? 1.4155 0.04031 296 208 53 35
272 Sorry, you just missed happy hour. 1.4150 0.03964 294 204 58 32
273 You just missed them. All twenty of them got in a cab. 1.4150 0.03784 294 198 70 26
274 What will you have, Congressman? 1.4150 0.03905 294 202 62 30
275 Did you hear the one where "A pervert, a con-artist, and a Fascist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. President?"" 1.4150 0.04247 294 214 38 42
276 No more Ringling Brothers? Cheer up. I hear there's a big clown show starting in Washington. 1.4150 0.04022 294 206 54 34
277 Let me stop you right there. I have, in fact, heard this one before. 1.4150 0.03691 294 195 76 23
278 Seriously? 1.4150 0.04022 294 206 54 34
279 Sorry, I can't take you seriously. 1.4150 0.03754 294 197 72 25
280 How about a sidecar? 1.4130 0.03853 293 200 65 28
281 Dressed for the times, I see. 1.4126 0.04074 286 201 52 33
282 Cheer up. You're guy won. 1.4110 0.04211 292 212 40 40
283 On the bright side, you won't have to juggle work and family. 1.4110 0.03952 292 203 58 31
284 So, it says on your resume you went to Trump University? 1.4110 0.04069 292 207 50 35
285 Ditched the Secret Service again sir? 1.4110 0.03981 292 204 56 32
286 OK, I’ll bite. A clown walks into a bar. Then what? 1.4110 0.03576 292 191 82 19
287 Why so glum? You won! 1.4110 0.04239 292 213 38 41
288 'You wouldn't be the guy who left a VW parked out back last night with 16 people in it?' 1.4110 0.03800 292 198 68 26
289 You've got some big shoes to fill. 1.4110 0.03769 292 197 70 25
290 Don't call me a soda jerk, you clown. 1.4110 0.04040 292 206 52 34
291 What happen?... no room in the car. 1.4103 0.04001 290 203 55 32
292 I wasn't laughing with you, I was laughing at you. 1.4103 0.03755 290 195 71 24
293 Its not literally a happy hour. 1.4103 0.03911 290 200 61 29
294 Don't worry, the media circus will still be around 1.4103 0.04001 290 203 55 32
295 Try the White House. It will be the next "greatest show on earth." 1.4085 0.04242 284 206 40 38
296 Happy Hour just ended. 1.4083 0.03888 289 199 62 28
297 No, I don't want to see how many Sidecars will fit into a clown. 1.4083 0.04186 289 209 42 38
298 Where's the priest and the rabbi? 1.4083 0.03980 289 202 56 31
299 I hear you have big shoes to fill. 1.4077 0.03876 287 197 63 27
300 Best I can do is pour the seltzer in a glass. What you do with it after that is your business. 1.4077 0.03748 287 193 71 23
301 I can't serve you anymore but I can call you a very small taxi. 1.4077 0.03876 287 197 63 27
302 You just missed happy hour. 1.4077 0.03969 287 200 57 30
303 Of course I take you seriously. 1.4077 0.03649 287 190 77 20
304 You can have a drink but you better not try anything funny. 1.4077 0.03844 287 196 65 26
305 Sorry - no pants, no seltzer. 1.4069 0.03846 290 199 64 27
306 You one of those clowns from Washington? 1.4059 0.04106 271 190 52 29
307 Congratulations on your confirmation. 1.4049 0.03935 284 197 59 28
308 no, we're not hiring. Have you tried the White House? 1.4049 0.04028 284 200 53 31
309 Don't bother. They're already here. 1.4049 0.04120 284 203 47 34
310 So, what kind of work are you looking for? 1.4049 0.03740 284 191 71 22
311 Why aren't you at the Inauguration? 1.4049 0.04150 284 204 45 35
312 Here for the Inauguration? 1.4049 0.03903 284 196 61 27
313 That flower makes you look stupid. 1.4049 0.04059 284 201 51 32
314 10 of your friends just left....in a Volkswagen. 1.4049 0.03871 284 195 63 26
315 Sorry, we only serve serious drinkers here! 1.4049 0.03871 284 195 63 26
316 What do you mean, a "clownsgendered" bathroom? 1.4049 0.03871 284 195 63 26
317 Play what again? 1.4049 0.04028 284 200 53 31
318 Mid-laugh crisis? 1.4049 0.04028 284 200 53 31
319 This would be funnier if you walked in with a priest, a rabbi, and a horse. 1.4049 0.04090 284 202 49 33
320 I know it's tough getting rejected to perform at the Inauguration. But I hear there's going to be an opening for press secretary real soon. 1.4049 0.04059 284 201 51 32
321 You won't be the first to go into politics. 1.4049 0.03966 284 198 57 29
322 Sorry fella, but you might try the White House. They're still hiring. 1.4037 0.04148 270 191 49 30
323 Happy Hour? Now? Try again in 2020. 1.4028 0.04160 283 204 44 35
324 Expecting any other Cabinet members to join you? 1.4028 0.04129 283 203 46 34
325 You just missed the Rabbi and the Priest, they left with the punchline. 1.4028 0.04190 283 205 42 36
326 Tough break. You leave big shoes to fill. 1.4028 0.03781 283 192 68 23
327 I always get nervous when one of you guys orders seltzer. 1.4028 0.03975 283 198 56 29
328 I hear Washington is hiring. 1.4028 0.03911 283 196 60 27
329 No, I do not have Clown Royal. 1.4007 0.03788 282 192 67 23
330 Would you like the seltzer in a glass or sprayed in your face? 1.4007 0.03919 282 196 59 27
331 I know. Your life's a joke. 1.4000 0.03939 280 195 58 27
332 So what cabinet position did Trump pick you for? 1.4000 0.04276 270 196 40 34
333 It's a classic story-- clown meets girl, clown falls for girl, girl gets eaten by a lion. 1.4000 0.03939 280 195 58 27
334 You should get going, sir--you'll be late for your confirmation hearing. 1.4000 0.04098 280 200 48 32
335 Maybe they walked into a different bar. 1.4000 0.03873 280 193 62 25
336 Sorry, pal. We serve seltzer in a glass here. 1.3978 0.03848 279 192 63 24
337 Pie, I presume. 1.3978 0.03746 279 189 69 21
338 Congratulations on your confirmation, Mr. Secretary, 1.3978 0.04012 279 197 53 29
339 Closing time. Want me to call you a comically small taxi? 1.3978 0.03914 279 194 59 26
340 I'm sorry, I can't serve you, it's happy hour. 1.3978 0.03980 279 196 55 28
341 Your usual? You think I remember every customer who comes in here, bud? 1.3978 0.03814 279 191 65 23
342 Sad ain't it; the only circus left is in DC. 1.3978 0.04107 279 200 47 32
343 Could you tell me the one where the clown walks out of my bar? 1.3978 0.03980 279 196 55 28
344 I hear they're hiring in Washington. 1.3978 0.04076 279 199 49 31
345 You think maybe she walked in, saw you, and left? 1.3978 0.04107 279 200 47 32
346 I don't mind the clown costume, but you still need to wear pants. 1.3978 0.03746 279 189 69 21
347 She just left with some other clown, had a poof of blond hair, bright orange face, tiny hands and a big wad of cash. 1.3978 0.04138 279 201 45 33
348 So, a rough day in your confirmation hearing, eh? 1.3971 0.03934 277 193 58 26
349 Everything tastes funny to you. 1.3971 0.04000 277 195 54 28
350 Everyone expects me to make them happy too 1.3971 0.04000 277 195 54 28
351 Sorry, the Priest and the Rabbi just left. 1.3971 0.04032 277 196 52 29
352 Wrong joint, pal. It's strictly ducks, priests and rabbis here. 1.3971 0.04129 277 199 46 32
353 Any funny stuff and you're outta here. 1.3949 0.03841 276 190 63 23
354 The previous bartender? Oh, he was nominated to head the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. 1.3949 0.04294 276 204 35 37
355 I've called you a tiny Uber. 1.3942 0.04029 274 194 52 28
356 Sorry, happy hour's over. 1.3942 0.03996 274 193 54 27
357 Glass, bottle or straight in the kisser? 1.3942 0.03790 274 187 66 21
358 I'm pretty sure I can discriminate against you. 1.3942 0.03996 274 193 54 27
359 Let me guess...the rabbi and the priest are parking the car. 1.3942 0.03860 274 189 62 23
360 But, seriously... 1.3942 0.03928 274 191 58 25
361 Your usual--seltzer in my face? 1.3942 0.04095 274 196 48 30
362 Yeah, a priest and a rabbi were in here looking for you. 1.3942 0.03719 274 185 70 19
363 Do you want that half full or half empty? 1.3942 0.04029 274 194 52 28
364 The Rabbi and Priest called to say they couldn't make it. 1.3942 0.03860 274 189 62 23
365 I've called you a very small car, sir. 1.3942 0.03860 274 189 62 23
366 Cheer up. You can always run away and join the cabinet. 1.3942 0.04192 274 199 42 33
367 You want it half full or half empty? 1.3942 0.03860 274 189 62 23
368 It's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know clowns at all. 1.3942 0.03928 274 191 58 25
369 Put your horn on the bar, nice and easy. 1.3942 0.03894 274 190 60 24
370 Let me guess...Seltzer? 1.3942 0.03825 274 188 64 22
371 I take it you're part of the new administration. 1.3941 0.03910 269 186 60 23
372 Don't you have an inauguration to be at? 1.3919 0.04137 273 197 45 31
373 Shouldn't you be at the White House? 1.3919 0.03867 273 189 61 23
374 Congress is back in session, I see. 1.3919 0.04071 273 195 49 29
375 We're closed, Mr. President. 1.3919 0.04233 273 200 39 34
376 What'll it be, Mr. President? 1.3919 0.04201 273 199 41 33
377 We don't serve clowns. Try Capitol Hill. 1.3919 0.04038 273 194 51 28
378 I don't know. Maybe lose the tie. 1.3918 0.03583 268 177 77 14
379 Maybe you should try politics. 1.3918 0.03918 268 186 59 23
380 I can still tell it's you, Mr. Trump. 1.3918 0.04325 268 198 35 35
381 Sorry, but not just any clown can get elected President. 1.3911 0.04025 271 192 52 27
382 That's what I've been trying to tell you pal, the clown convention has been moved to Washington. 1.3911 0.04025 271 192 52 27
383 Let me guess. You're here for happy hour. 1.3911 0.04025 271 192 52 27
384 Tough about Ringling Brothers; I think they're still hiring at the Cabinet. 1.3911 0.03991 271 191 54 26
385 Sorry buddy, the Presidents Day free drink promo requires customers to be dressed up as former presidents not the current one. 1.3911 0.04320 271 201 34 36
386 Happy hour doesn't start till 6:00. 1.3911 0.04059 271 193 50 28
387 Tough break on the circus gig, but I hear the White House is hiring. 1.3911 0.04059 271 193 50 28
388 I'm sorry, I can't serve you. This is Happy Hour. 1.3911 0.03922 271 189 58 24
389 Sorry, Happy Hour just ended. 1.3911 0.03816 271 186 64 21
390 I warned you when they got rid of the elephants. 1.3911 0.04025 271 192 52 27
391 Sorry about the circus shutting down. But, hey, I hear they're hiring at the White House. 1.3911 0.03956 271 190 56 25
392 You really shouldn't be drinking before your inauguration. 1.3911 0.04256 271 199 38 34
393 You didn't get a call for a Cabinet post? Maybe you're just overqualified. 1.3911 0.04191 271 197 42 32
394 Wrong bar -- we only serve priests, ministers, and rabbis. 1.3905 0.03890 274 191 59 24
395 Sorry buddy, the Health Dept. requires us to serve seltzer in a glass. 1.3897 0.03945 272 191 56 25
396 Well, since Ringling Brothers is shutting down, I'd go with the Cabinet post. 1.3889 0.04168 270 196 43 31
397 You might like the pale ale on tap. It's got a robust nose, floral notes, and a hint of bitterness. 1.3889 0.04068 270 193 49 28
398 Really? The Cabinet? Which Department? 1.3889 0.04266 270 199 37 34
399 Relax -- everything considered, I expect you'll be confirmed with flying colors. 1.3889 0.04068 270 193 49 28
400 Shouldn't you be at your inauguration? 1.3889 0.04266 270 199 37 34
401 Don't bother. They're already here. 1.3889 0.03999 270 191 53 26
402 You're joking. 1.3889 0.04034 270 192 51 27
403 Don’t you have a cabinet meeting to attend? 1.3889 0.04068 270 193 49 28
404 Long day at the confirmation hearing? 1.3889 0.03859 270 187 61 22
405 Sorry, I guess "Bailey's on the rocks" does hit a bit close to home. 1.3881 0.04157 268 194 44 30
406 Ever consider running for office? 1.3881 0.03914 268 187 58 23
407 I used to be a clown. Now I'm a jerk. 1.3881 0.03879 268 186 60 22
408 I don't think this will work without the Rabbi and the midget. 1.3881 0.04123 268 193 46 29
409 Shouldn't you be at your inauguration? 1.3881 0.04224 268 196 40 32
410 I'm surprised you didn't make his cabinet too. 1.3881 0.04020 268 190 52 26
411 Sorry sir, your invisible dog has to leave. 1.3881 0.03985 268 189 54 25
412 What are you drinking, Senator? 1.3881 0.04055 268 191 50 27
413 The Priest and the Rabbi just left 1.3881 0.04055 268 191 50 27
414 Honestly, our happy hour is fine just as it is. 1.3858 0.03958 267 188 55 24
415 Didn't you see the sign, "Big shoes, ugly shirt, no service"? 1.3858 0.03958 267 188 55 24
416 I'm sorry, but it's happy hour. 1.3858 0.04132 267 193 45 29
417 Glad to see you back from recess, congressman. 1.3858 0.03958 267 188 55 24
418 I'll tell you the same thing I told those other 23 clowns: No, I did not find a tiny set of car keys. 1.3858 0.03958 267 188 55 24
419 I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted to be the first clown elected president. 1.3858 0.04200 267 195 41 31
420 So you found work in D.C.?" 1.3843 0.04153 268 195 43 30
421 Banana daiquiri, extra peel. 1.3835 0.03894 266 186 58 22
422 Clown Royal on the rocks? 1.3835 0.03857 266 185 60 21
423 Heck, take the offer. A year or two on this White House communication team would look good on your resume. 1.3835 0.04037 266 190 50 26
424 I see you scared away the priest and the rabbi. 1.3835 0.04002 266 189 52 25
425 Do you think you'll be able to juggle 2 jobs? 1.3835 0.03930 266 187 56 23
426 Happy Hour doesn't work for everyone. 1.3826 0.03987 264 187 53 24
427 You can't worry about that bozo she left you for. 1.3826 0.04058 264 189 49 26
428 The last clown that was in here just got elected President. 1.3826 0.04300 264 196 35 33
429 They all just piled into a car and left. I guess they forgot about you. 1.3826 0.03802 264 182 63 19
430 Usually, this place is a circus. 1.3826 0.03877 264 184 59 21
431 About a dozen of them hung around for a while, then they all left in a tiny car. 1.3826 0.03987 264 187 53 24
432 Sorry, we stopped doing happy hours last November. 1.3826 0.04023 264 188 51 25
433 You want the usual soda water in the face? 1.3826 0.04023 264 188 51 25
434 One circus closes and another opens up 1.3826 0.04023 264 188 51 25
435 Move along, sad bar's down the street buddy, this is a gay bar. 1.3826 0.04094 264 190 47 27
436 It's nice to see a new face. 1.3826 0.03951 264 186 55 23
437 What part of Happy Hour didn't you understand? 1.3826 0.04023 264 188 51 25
438 The others have all gone to Washington. 1.3826 0.04232 264 194 39 31
439 The circus has closed down. I think it moved to Washington. 1.3802 0.04031 263 188 50 25
440 Well, I heard the new administration is hiring. 1.3802 0.04031 263 188 50 25
441 Congratulations on your cabinet appointment. 1.3802 0.04103 263 190 46 27
442 Sorry. Uncle Sam already hired a clown. 1.3802 0.04138 263 191 44 28
443 Have you considered running for Congress? 1.3802 0.03959 263 186 54 23
444 Strictly in your professional opinion, how's the new guy doing? 1.3802 0.04103 263 190 46 27
445 I think you're putting too much emphasis on the "Anonymous", and too little on the "Alcoholics". 1.3802 0.04173 263 192 42 29
446 The other twelve guys said you were the designated driver. 1.3802 0.03995 263 187 52 24
447 Cheer up. We need you now more than ever. 1.3802 0.03847 263 183 60 20
448 Can I start you off with a drink or would you like to wait for the rest of Congress to arrive? 1.3802 0.04242 263 194 38 31
449 Ringling on the rocks? 1.3802 0.04067 263 189 48 26
450 In town for the Inauguration? 1.3802 0.03732 263 180 66 17
451 All your friends just left in a little red car. 1.3793 0.03942 261 184 55 22
452 Sorry, we only sell seltzer by the glass. 1.3793 0.03828 261 181 61 19
453 Bailys, splash of Barnum? 1.3793 0.04160 261 190 43 28
454 Sorry, your eighteen friends over there said you were the designated driver. 1.3793 0.03904 261 183 57 21
455 Looks like you've had the last laugh. 1.3769 0.03797 260 180 62 18
456 Don't worry - he wouldn't deport a fellow clown - undocumented or not. 1.3769 0.04024 260 186 50 24
457 Yes, the picture on the I.D. has to look like you. 1.3769 0.03757 260 179 64 17
458 Sorry, we only serve serious drinkers. 1.3769 0.04134 260 189 44 27
459 That's Right--the Senate just voted to send them in! 1.3769 0.04134 260 189 44 27
460 In your face or in a glass, same price. 1.3769 0.04134 260 189 44 27
461 Don't bother, he's here. 1.3769 0.04169 260 190 42 28
462 Don't be so down on yourself, the last clown I served here is president now 1.3769 0.04098 260 188 46 26
463 Drinks are half price for men in uniform. 1.3769 0.03835 260 181 60 19
464 Truth be told, I recognized you right away, Mr. President. 1.3760 0.04192 258 189 41 28
465 Nonsense, I bet you're qualified for lots of jobs. 1.3760 0.03971 258 183 53 22
466 Which cabinet position are you up for? 1.3760 0.04008 258 184 51 23
467 I don't think having him in office is going to hurt your profession. 1.3760 0.04008 258 184 51 23
468 I'm really sorry, but the priest, the rabbi, and the minister just left. 1.3760 0.04008 258 184 51 23
469 Sorry, we only sell seltzer by the glass. 1.3760 0.04120 258 187 45 26
470 Maximum occupancy is 85. Why? 1.3760 0.03971 258 183 53 22
471 Welcome to Washington. What's your role in the administration? 1.3760 0.04192 258 189 41 28
472 I'm really sorry... I thought you'd get Secretary of Defense. 1.3760 0.04083 258 186 47 25
473 I like your resume, but we're looking for someone a little more upbeat. 1.3760 0.03894 258 181 57 20
474 Despite all appearances, you have a serious drinking problem. 1.3760 0.04120 258 187 45 26
475 So, where's your Secret Service detail? 1.3760 0.04120 258 187 45 26
476 I heard you lost your job. Cheer up ! There's a new circus in D.C. and they're hiring. 1.3760 0.03855 258 180 59 19
477 "I'm just waiting for the priest and rabbi". 1.3760 0.04046 258 185 49 24
478 Hey, her loss. 1.3760 0.04008 258 184 51 23
479 I'm just surprised you didn't enter here with a priest and a rabbi. 1.3760 0.03971 258 183 53 22
480 This is Happy Hour. Get happy or get lost. 1.3760 0.04120 258 187 45 26
481 It's clowns like you who are ruining my business. 1.3760 0.04008 258 184 51 23
482 Where were you at happy hour? 1.3760 0.03894 258 181 57 20
483 Let me guess, Seltzer down the Pants! 1.3760 0.03971 258 183 53 22
484 It was never really about the elephants. 1.3760 0.03971 258 183 53 22
485 Don't you usually come in with a rabbi and a priest? 1.3755 0.03937 261 185 54 22
486 You want it in a mug or should I just squirt it in your face? 1.3755 0.04048 261 188 48 25
487 Plan A was "Bernie or Bust." Plan B was to run away to the circus. This is Plan C. 1.3740 0.04341 246 182 36 28
488 The 20 guys down there say you're the designated driver. 1.3739 0.04076 238 168 51 19
489 How did your Senate confirmation hearing go? 1.3735 0.04017 257 184 50 23
490 Look, I can still tell it’s you. Either pay your tab or get out. 1.3735 0.04054 257 185 48 24
491 Sir, I'll have to ask you to remove your hat and nose in here. 1.3735 0.03940 257 182 54 21
492 I don't want any funny business. 1.3735 0.04017 257 184 50 23
493 Stephen Sondheim sent me. 1.3735 0.04309 257 192 34 31
494 This is a joke, right? 1.3735 0.04202 257 189 40 28
495 Tell me if this tastes funny to you. 1.3725 0.03922 255 180 55 20
496 Bozo is it? I'm going to need to see some ID. 1.3725 0.04076 255 184 47 24
497 I want no funny business here, understand? 1.3725 0.03802 255 177 61 17
498 Of course we have Happy Hour. 1.3725 0.03961 255 181 53 21
499 The rabbi and priest just called and to say they're running late. 1.3725 0.04038 255 183 49 23
500 Seltzer in the face, coming up. 1.3725 0.03802 255 177 61 17
501 I'd love to serve you, but the twenty guys at the end of the bar say you're their designated driver. 1.3725 0.04151 255 186 43 26
502 I've got a funny feeling about you. 1.3725 0.03922 255 180 55 20
503 Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. 1.3725 0.04225 255 188 39 28
504 Are you one of those "Make America Great Again" clowns? 1.3725 0.04297 255 190 35 30
505 Emmett Kelly was a friend of mine...you're no Emmett Kelly! 1.3725 0.04188 255 187 41 27
506 No shirt, no shoes, no circus. 1.3701 0.04160 254 186 42 26
507 Trick cup or regular? 1.3701 0.03889 254 179 56 19
508 They all just left in a Volkswagen. 1.3701 0.04160 254 186 42 26
509 Good luck with the new job. You've got big shoes to fill. 1.3701 0.04085 254 184 46 24
510 Come back during happy hour. 1.3701 0.03889 254 179 56 19
511 Tough crowd at your confirmation hearing? 1.3701 0.04160 254 186 42 26
512 I don't care if there is a clown in The White House. I'm not serving you. 1.3690 0.04183 252 185 41 26
513 Actually, he is your president. 1.3690 0.04068 252 182 47 23
514 The priest and the Rabbi left about an hour ago. 1.3690 0.03950 252 179 53 20
515 You're close. Go three more blocks, turn left, and the White House will be on your right. 1.3690 0.04145 252 184 43 25
516 I don't care how tiny your car is. You're not good to drive 1.3690 0.03786 252 175 61 16
517 For people to know how big a clown you are, you have to be on Twitter. 1.3690 0.04368 252 190 31 31
518 If I send them in will you play it again? 1.3690 0.04068 252 182 47 23
519 So, you think you can juggle two jobs? 1.3690 0.03950 252 179 53 20
520 So, tell me what it was like being the only entertainer at the Trump inauguration. 1.3690 0.03910 252 178 55 19
521 Forget about the circus. You have a bright future in politics. 1.3690 0.03950 252 179 53 20
522 You know, "happy hour" is just an expression. 1.3690 0.03950 252 179 53 20
523 Why not run for president? 1.3690 0.04183 252 185 41 26
524 Seltzer? 1.3665 0.04037 251 181 48 22
525 I agree. With one of your own leading the country, you should get more respect. 1.3665 0.04154 251 184 42 25
526 One door closes, another opens: Circus is shutting down but Trump is hiring. 1.3665 0.04268 251 187 36 28
527 Cheer up! I hear they are hiring in Washington these days. 1.3665 0.04077 251 182 46 23
528 How was the first cabinet meeting, Mr. Secretary? 1.3665 0.03958 251 179 52 20
529 So, I hear you were the headliner at the inaugural ball. 1.3665 0.04154 251 184 42 25
530 Trump transition team ? Two blocks down 1.3665 0.04037 251 181 48 22
531 Don't you usually carpool? 1.3665 0.04037 251 181 48 22
532 Sorry to hear that Ringling Brothers closed. Have you thought about running for Congress? 1.3665 0.03998 251 180 50 21
533 Did Sondheim send you in ? 1.3655 0.04019 249 179 49 21
534 Sorry, but we hire jerks, not clowns. 1.3655 0.04059 249 180 47 22
535 So, if your ringmaster calls, you're not here? 1.3655 0.03769 249 173 61 15
536 Sorry--happy hour just means cheaper drinks. 1.3655 0.04019 249 179 49 21
537 Sorry, pal. Happy hour's over. 1.3655 0.03896 249 176 55 18
538 The priest and rabbi left. They said you're paying the tab. 1.3655 0.03978 249 178 51 20
539 You shoulda been here Saturday night, it was a real circus. 1.3655 0.03896 249 176 55 18
540 And now you can run away and join the new Administration. 1.3655 0.04138 249 182 43 24
541 I completely understand...you should see the clowns I have to work with! 1.3655 0.03938 249 177 53 19
542 You show up here with a nose that red and think I'm gonna serve you? 1.3655 0.04059 249 180 47 22
543 I have a funny feeling about you. 1.3655 0.03726 249 172 63 14
544 Wow, Mr. President, I've never seen you without makeup. 1.3655 0.04254 249 185 37 27
545 Senator, maybe I should call you a cab. 1.3655 0.04019 249 179 49 21
546 Cheer up. The circus may be closing, but the Administration is looking for people like you. 1.3629 0.04107 248 181 44 23
547 I know the big top is closing but I hear they are hiring at the White House. 1.3629 0.04107 248 181 44 23
548 The inauguration? That's next door. 1.3629 0.04301 248 186 34 28
549 Tough confirmation hearing? 1.3629 0.03904 248 176 54 18
550 I hear the White House is hiring. 1.3629 0.04027 248 179 48 21
551 I hear the White House is hiring. 1.3629 0.04107 248 181 44 23
552 And I don't want any funny business. 1.3629 0.03986 248 178 50 20
553 Greatest show on Earth, huh? So why'd it close? 1.3629 0.04263 248 185 36 27
554 Big shoes, no service. 1.3629 0.03986 248 178 50 20
555 No, no. This is 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue. 1.3629 0.04147 248 182 42 24
556 How'd the Cabinet interview go? 1.3618 0.04130 246 180 43 23
557 No clown shoes, no service. 1.3618 0.04090 246 179 45 22
558 Barnum & Bailey's gone, but I hear a bunch of clowns are being hired at the White House. 1.3618 0.04090 246 179 45 22
559 No funny business, okay? 1.3618 0.03966 246 176 51 19
560 Happy Hour hasn't started. 1.3618 0.04090 246 179 45 22
561 It's on the house, Mr. President. 1.3618 0.04364 246 186 31 29
562 Sir, this is not that kind of happy hour. 1.3618 0.04049 246 178 47 21
563 Well, we have a merlot that tastes a little funny. 1.3618 0.04090 246 179 45 22
564 Don't be silly. 1.3618 0.04170 246 181 41 24
565 Cabinet nominees report next door. 1.3618 0.04049 246 178 47 21
566 Sure, go ahead, send in the clowns. 1.3618 0.04049 246 178 47 21
567 The fake hair...orange skin...kind of makes all of you look bad. 1.3618 0.04049 246 178 47 21
568 Cheer up! Not many can say they were a finalist for a Cabinet position. 1.3618 0.03966 246 176 51 19
569 Fancy a drink, Mr. President? 1.3618 0.04326 246 185 33 28
570 I'm gonna need a picture ID. 1.3618 0.04008 246 177 49 20
571 Sorry, this bar is for serious drinking only. 1.3618 0.03881 246 174 55 17
572 Glass, bottle or silly straw? 1.3618 0.03881 246 174 55 17
573 Do you want that seltzer in a glass? 1.3618 0.04130 246 180 43 23
574 You look like you could use a bottle of seltzer. 1.3603 0.04035 247 179 47 21
575 You should have come out last night. It's usually a circus in here. 1.3592 0.03931 245 175 52 18
576 Shouldn't you be at the inauguration? 1.3592 0.04139 245 180 42 23
577 I think you're looking for Sam's bar mitzvah 1.3592 0.04098 245 179 44 22
578 If that flower squirts, you're out of here. 1.3592 0.04016 245 177 48 20
579 So you're in town for a Cabinet post? 1.3592 0.04057 245 178 46 21
580 Sorry, we only serve priests and rabbis. 1.3580 0.04037 243 176 47 20
581 The unusual, sir? 1.3580 0.03995 243 175 49 19
582 I just heard. Have you thought about going into politics? 1.3580 0.04202 243 180 39 24
583 Why so serious? 1.3580 0.04079 243 177 45 21
584 Sure, the circus may be gone, but at least you can still scare the crap out of small children 1.3580 0.04121 243 178 43 22
585 Looking Presidential gets you no special treatment here Buddy. 1.3580 0.04202 243 180 39 24
586 I'm sorry about Ringling Brothers, but, hey, there are some great new openings in Washington. 1.3580 0.04121 243 178 43 22
587 Much better. The smile was definitely scarier. 1.3580 0.04037 243 176 47 20
588 Senate confirmation hearing didn't go too well for you today? 1.3580 0.04079 243 177 45 21
589 Wrong address. You want 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 1.3580 0.04162 243 179 41 23
590 "As you can see in the picture, several hundred people are having a drink at a bar after attending Trump's inauguration speech." said White House Press Secretary Spicer 1.3580 0.04361 243 184 31 28
591 Now, now buddy...you shouldn't take it personal when they call the new President a clown. 1.3580 0.04037 243 176 47 20
592 I'll give you one more, but I don't want any funny stuff. 1.3554 0.03827 242 171 56 15
593 Ringling Brothers may be shutting down, but the Trump cabinet is hiring clowns. 1.3554 0.04371 242 184 30 28
594 Just finished your confirmation hearing? 1.3554 0.03916 242 173 52 17
595 Why do I get the feeling you're setting me up for a joke? 1.3542 0.03802 240 169 57 14
596 Congrats on being the first in our family to graduate from a college. 1.3542 0.04110 240 176 43 21
597 Cheer up, you didn't need to win the popular vote. 1.3542 0.04110 240 176 43 21
598 No, I don't think bartending is a dead end job, and I know it's you mother. 1.3542 0.04067 240 175 45 20
599 The unusual, sir? 1.3542 0.04152 240 177 41 22
600 Congratulations on your cabinet appointment. 1.3542 0.04194 240 178 39 23
601 I can call you a cab. But you'll have to share it with 25 other clowns. 1.3542 0.03892 240 171 53 16
602 Why the drawn face? 1.3542 0.04067 240 175 45 20
603 Yeah, when he won I knew it was pretty much over for you guys. 1.3542 0.04276 240 180 35 25
604 Cheer up. The circus may be gone, but the Greatest Show on Earth has just opened for a four-year run in Washington, D.C. and it's gonna be Yuge. 1.3542 0.04152 240 177 41 22
605 The elephants were already here – watch your step. 1.3542 0.03937 240 172 51 17
606 I'm going to need the keys to the clown car 1.3527 0.03743 241 169 59 13
607 Sorry pal, but we don't serve Mimers. 1.3517 0.04285 236 177 35 24
608 We've been seeing a lot of your crowd recently 1.3515 0.04075 239 175 44 20
609 Making your entrance again with your usual flair? 1.3515 0.04032 239 174 46 19
610 Screw Ringling, you're a shoo-in with Trump. 1.3515 0.04032 239 174 46 19
611 Would you like me to call a tiny cab for you and your budddies? 1.3515 0.03899 239 171 52 16
612 As long as you're out by happy hour. 1.3502 0.03780 237 167 57 13
613 I have a hard time believing you're going to drink the seltzer. 1.3502 0.03920 237 170 51 16
614 Sorry about the circus closing, but they're hiring clowns in D.C. this month. 1.3502 0.04141 237 175 41 21
615 Okay, I'm sorry. When I called the president a clown, I didn't know you'd take it so personally. 1.3502 0.04184 237 176 39 22
616 They all ran off in the small car and said you'd pick up the tab. 1.3502 0.04010 237 172 47 18
617 Let me guess--you want a Sidecar 1.3502 0.03780 237 167 57 13
618 Sorry, Bozo--but if I serve you, the next thing you know it's a freakin' circus in here! 1.3502 0.03965 237 171 49 17
619 So no more Ringling Bros....have you tried the new administration? 1.3502 0.04010 237 172 47 18
620 Is this some kind of joke? 1.3502 0.04054 237 173 45 19
621 Sorry, we're all out of seltzer. 1.3502 0.04098 237 174 43 20
622 Sorry pal, but you don't look anything like your photo ID. 1.3502 0.03827 237 168 55 14
623 Some guys know how to walk into a joke and some don't. 1.3502 0.03920 237 170 51 16
624 No, but if I see the rabbi, the priest, the Buddhist monk, the duck, the horse, or the nymphomaniac I'll tell them you were here. 1.3500 0.03974 240 174 48 18
625 Well there's a new circus in DC and it's run by one of your guys. 1.3500 0.04188 240 179 38 23
626 Our 3 new flavors are Anger, Alienation and Fear. Sorry we have run out of Hope. 1.3500 0.03974 240 174 48 18
627 I can give you a glass of seltzer but you'll have to put it down your pants yourself. 1.3487 0.03951 238 172 49 17
628 Well, yes, we're hiring. But serious inquiries only. 1.3487 0.03860 238 170 53 15
629 Look on the bright side. The circus is gone but now you're the President. 1.3485 0.04214 241 181 36 24
630 Tough break. There's not much call for clowns, what with the surplus in D.C. 1.3475 0.04106 236 174 42 20
631 We pour local, organic, small batch, craft, artisan, artesian seltzers. 1.3475 0.04150 236 175 40 21
632 Do you happen to know Kellyanne Conway? 1.3475 0.04017 236 172 46 18
633 I hear some clowns in D.C. are saying that now they're the greatest show on earth. 1.3475 0.04150 236 175 40 21
634 Now that Barnum and Bailey closed, why not try politics? 1.3475 0.04150 236 175 40 21
635 So... Which bathroom do you identify with? 1.3475 0.04062 236 173 44 19
636 So how'd you ditch the Secret Service detail? 1.3475 0.04278 236 178 34 24
637 Do you want your pie à la mode or in the face? 1.3462 0.04039 234 171 45 18
638 That must be tough, you not liking kids and all. 1.3462 0.03853 234 167 53 14
639 I'd suggest the Trump: it's vodka, orange peel, and then we spray seltzer in your face and yell "Sad!" 1.3462 0.04217 234 175 37 22
640 Sorry, we don't have "to go" seltzer bottles. 1.3462 0.03757 234 165 57 12
641 Where is the rabbi and the priest? 1.3462 0.03948 234 169 49 16
642 Sorry about Ringling Brothers. But I hear they're recruiting in Washington. 1.3462 0.04173 234 174 39 21
643 What'll you have while you wait for the priest and the rabbi? 1.3462 0.03994 234 170 47 17
644 Sorry, we're not hiring. Have you tried the White House? 1.3462 0.04260 234 176 35 23
645 What can I getcha? A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants? 1.3462 0.04129 234 173 41 20
646 Shouldn't you be at your inauguration ceremony? 1.3462 0.04260 234 176 35 23
647 She told me that she needed someone more serious. 1.3462 0.04039 234 171 45 18
648 Here for Happy Hour? 1.3462 0.03948 234 169 49 16
649 What sort of business did you say you were in, again? 1.3462 0.04260 234 176 35 23
650 Twenty-two of you guys in that car and you couldn't find one designated driver? 1.3462 0.03994 234 170 47 17
651 Do you want the dribble glass again? 1.3462 0.03901 234 168 51 15
652 What if I told you we don't have a happy hour... 1.3447 0.03979 235 171 47 17
653 I'm sorry, Mr. President, we don't serve White Russians here. 1.3447 0.04494 235 183 23 29
654 Cheer up, they are hiring at the White House. 1.3433 0.04001 233 170 46 17
655 Surely you didn't drive here all by yourself. 1.3433 0.04137 233 173 40 20
656 Don't worry! There are a lot of openings in Washington right now. 1.3433 0.04092 233 172 42 19
657 We have closed for the evening, sir. I don't want any funny business. 1.3420 0.03880 231 166 51 14
658 So, where are the priest and the rabbi? 1.3420 0.04069 231 170 43 18
659 Don't bother, they're here. 1.3420 0.04161 231 172 39 20
660 Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, this clown walks into mine. 1.3420 0.04206 231 173 37 21
661 A little seltzer down your pants? 1.3420 0.04023 231 169 45 17
662 I beg your pardon. I shouldn't have made any assumptions about who you voted for. 1.3420 0.04338 231 176 31 24
663 No, I haven't seen a priest and a rabbi. 1.3420 0.03928 231 167 49 15
664 Sorry, we don't serve Cabinet Members here. 1.3420 0.04023 231 169 45 17
665 Will you be having the unusual? 1.3420 0.03976 231 168 47 16
666 It's a seltzer down your pants, right? 1.3420 0.04161 231 172 39 20
667 You're the headliner at the Inauguration? 1.3420 0.04161 231 172 39 20
668 "Why do you guys always walk into MY bar?! 1.3420 0.04069 231 170 43 18
669 You're killing Happy Hour. 1.3420 0.03976 231 168 47 16
670 I can call one, but I'm not sure all 20 of you will fit in one cab. 1.3420 0.04206 231 173 37 21
671 I hate to ask you this,but would you leave and walk back in again?I'm working on a joke 1.3420 0.03976 231 168 47 16
672 Sure - we serve buses. Send in the clowns. 1.3420 0.04115 231 171 41 19
673 If you can find 14 friends, I'll call you an Uber. 1.3420 0.03976 231 168 47 16
674 I'm sorry, I'll need IDs from the other 21 people in the car, too. 1.3420 0.04381 231 177 29 25
675 Let me guess -- you lost your I.D. when your pants fell down? 1.3419 0.03987 234 171 46 17
676 I didn't send for you. 1.3419 0.04078 234 173 42 19
677 I don't want to know why you're crying on the inside. 1.3405 0.04054 232 171 43 18
678 Don't you know it's happy hour? 1.3391 0.04169 230 172 38 20
679 I'm sorry. We're not hiring any Trump Cabinet appointees at the moment. 1.3391 0.04169 230 172 38 20
680 Okay, I'll serve you. But this time no funny business. 1.3391 0.03983 230 168 46 16
681 Usually the walk-ins are priests, rabbis and horses. 1.3391 0.04259 230 174 34 22
682 The usual, seltzer leave the bottle? 1.3391 0.04391 230 177 28 25
683 Alright, but I don't want any funny business 1.3391 0.04077 230 170 42 18
684 Will you be speaking at the inauguration? 1.3391 0.04214 230 173 36 21
685 Let me guess--a shot of seltzer? 1.3391 0.03886 230 166 50 14
686 At least you could be happy for the elephants. 1.3391 0.04030 230 169 44 17
687 "The transition from clown to politician should be seamless. 1.3391 0.04123 230 171 40 19
688 Tough day at the nomination hearing, huh? 1.3391 0.04214 230 173 36 21
689 Just seltzer? 1.3391 0.03935 230 167 48 15
690 The Inauguration is down the street. 1.3391 0.04259 230 174 34 22
691 No contest. ‘The Greatest Show on Earth’ is now at 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue. 1.3377 0.04284 228 173 33 22
692 Are you one of the clowns in town for the inauguration? 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
693 Another rough birthday party? 1.3377 0.03907 228 165 49 14
694 One more bottle of seltzer, then I'm cutting you off. 1.3377 0.03598 228 159 61 8
695 Know what, bub? Everyone feels misunderstood. 1.3377 0.03907 228 165 49 14
696 Please stop crying, I can't take the tears of a clown, when no one's around. 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
697 I hear the head clown is hiring on Pennsylvania Avenue. 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
698 What, no media circus today? 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
699 What can I get you to put a smile on that face? 1.3377 0.04052 228 168 43 17
700 The priest, the rabbi and the nun left fifteen minutes ago. 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
701 Mr. President, what can I get you? 1.3377 0.04373 228 175 29 24
702 This one's on me, Mr. President. 1.3377 0.04417 228 176 27 25
703 Yeah, they all just piled into a VW bug and left without you. 1.3377 0.03907 228 165 49 14
704 Well, here we are... great again. 1.3377 0.04373 228 175 29 24
705 Sorry, I can't serve you. You're acting funny. 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
706 Seltzer? 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
707 I assume the other 37 are parking the car. 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
708 You really need to be at your Senate confirmation hearing. 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
709 Look, come back with a priest and a rabbi and then we'll see if it's funny. 1.3377 0.04193 228 171 37 20
710 A rabbi, a priest, and a minister? Just missed them. 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
711 A clown walks into a bar; stop me if you've heard this one. 1.3377 0.03857 228 164 51 13
712 Just kidding. We ONLY serve clowns here. 1.3377 0.03807 228 163 53 12
713 I am going to need some identification before I serve you a whole cream pie 1.3377 0.04193 228 171 37 20
714 Just so you know, I keep a loaded seltzer bottle behind the bar. 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
715 Yeah, sorry. It's a whole different kind of circus now. 1.3377 0.04193 228 171 37 20
716 You're sure you want to have a drink before your confirmation hearing? 1.3377 0.04284 228 173 33 22
717 Sorry we don't have any openings here. Try the White House. 1.3377 0.04052 228 168 43 17
718 Is the pie in your face for here or to go? 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
719 Sorry, you're too late. I already voted for the other clown. 1.3377 0.04284 228 173 33 22
720 Your wife called. I told her you just left with 27 other clowns in a very small car. 1.3377 0.03807 228 163 53 12
721 Have you ever considered running for office? 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
722 Seriously, I'm laughing at you not with you. 1.3377 0.04052 228 168 43 17
723 Bubbles always wanted to be a lawyer but could never pass the bar. 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
724 Sorry, big shoes, loud shirt - no service. 1.3377 0.04100 228 169 41 18
725 Silly hour doesn't start until five. 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
726 Our happy hour’s really more about cheaper drink prices. 1.3377 0.04100 228 169 41 18
727 Are you waiting for a Rabbi and a Priest? 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
728 So, Ringling Bros. is closing? Well...I hear the White House is hiring. 1.3377 0.04193 228 171 37 20
729 This is Happy Hour. Sad Hour doesn't start until midnight. 1.3377 0.03857 228 164 51 13
730 Did Ringling Brothers fire you, or have you just been hired for a Cabinet position? 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
731 Sorry, pal. Happy hour's over. 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
732 You don't have to go back to the circus, but you can't stay here. 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
733 Welcome to the District of Columbia. Any relation to the new guy? 1.3377 0.04100 228 169 41 18
734 I knew Emmet Kelly and you, sir, are no Emmet Kellt 1.3377 0.04331 231 177 30 24
735 Didn't fit in the car again? Have a beer on me. 1.3377 0.04062 231 171 42 18
736 The rabbi and priest will be here shortly. 1.3377 0.03774 231 165 54 12
737 Well, I'm a 'listening on the outside, laughing at you on the inside' kind of bartender. 1.3362 0.03941 229 167 47 15
738 Cheer up. The job market for clowns is wide open right now. 1.3348 0.04108 227 169 40 18
739 You can't blame it all on the elephants. 1.3348 0.04011 227 167 44 16
740 Sorry, but Trump had the last laugh. 1.3348 0.03963 227 166 46 15
741 You'll find work. It's all a circus now. 1.3348 0.03963 227 166 46 15
742 Listen Bozo, I'm still gonna need to check your I.D. 1.3348 0.04011 227 167 44 16
743 A white house consultant, you say? 1.3348 0.04108 227 169 40 18
744 Listen, the Inauguration's over, so go back out there and just be the best President you can be. And tweet me now and then, wouldya? 1.3348 0.04427 227 176 26 25
745 We no longer serve lawyers without a picture I.D. 1.3348 0.04471 227 177 24 26
746 The new administration still has job openings. 1.3348 0.04108 227 169 40 18
747 Aren't you supposed to be in Washington? 1.3348 0.04155 227 170 38 19
748 This is supposed to be happy hour. 1.3348 0.04011 227 167 44 16
749 Sure I can call you a ride... for how many? 1.3348 0.03812 227 163 52 12
750 Your ID looks a little funny. 1.3348 0.04060 227 168 42 17
751 And Ringling Brothers also cancelled your tab. 1.3348 0.04201 227 171 36 20
752 Another long day on the Hill? 1.3348 0.04060 227 168 42 17
753 Nothing's funny any more. 1.3348 0.04155 227 170 38 19
754 Grad school was a long time ago, Jim. 1.3333 0.03934 225 164 47 14
755 Don't be silly. 1.3304 0.03991 224 165 44 15
756 I hear they're hiring in Washington. 1.3304 0.04090 224 167 40 17
757 I called you a clown because you called me a jerk. 1.3304 0.04041 224 166 42 16
758 Don't be so glum. Refusing to perform at an inauguration is an honor unto itself. 1.3304 0.04090 224 167 40 17
759 Sorry. It's happy hour. 1.3304 0.04187 224 169 36 19
760 Many sad tales at 'Happy Hour', but 'the circus is closing' is a first. 1.3304 0.03940 224 164 46 14
761 Why are you so sad? There's a clown in the White House. 1.3304 0.04234 224 170 34 20
762 What can I get you, Mr. President? 1.3304 0.04187 224 169 36 19
763 We've had clowns like you in here before. 1.3304 0.03837 224 162 50 12
764 Your Uber driver just called. He wanted to know if you’re willing to share a ride. 1.3304 0.03991 224 165 44 15
765 Cheer up, pal. He promised to make clowns great again ,too. 1.3304 0.04234 224 170 34 20
766 Seltzer? Really?? 1.3304 0.04090 224 167 40 17
767 Let me guess...you want a squirt of water. 1.3304 0.04041 224 166 42 16
768 I feel for you, buddy, but the Big Top has folded and moved to the White House. 1.3304 0.04234 224 170 34 20
769 Drinks are double during Unhappy Hour. 1.3289 0.04218 225 171 34 20
770 Hey, aren't you supposed to be running our country? 1.3288 0.04259 222 169 33 20
771 You're right. You might be President right now if you had only run. 1.3288 0.04400 222 172 27 23
772 I don't care if you ARE the President. 1.3288 0.04113 222 166 39 17
773 Long day creeping people out? 1.3288 0.03962 222 163 45 14
774 Aren't you missing your own Inauguration? 1.3288 0.04162 222 167 37 18
775 And which cabinet position have you been nominated for? 1.3288 0.03962 222 163 45 14
776 Why the drawn face? 1.3288 0.03857 222 161 49 12
777 I can't believe you didn't get the cabinet post. 1.3288 0.04013 222 164 43 15
778 I know it's you, Steve. Just pay your tab. 1.3288 0.04063 222 165 41 16
779 When one door closes, another opens. Have you tried Washington DC? 1.3288 0.04354 222 171 29 22
780 You should have been in here earlier, it was a real circus. 1.3288 0.03640 222 157 57 8
781 Sorry about the circus gig, but they're hiring in Washington, D.C. 1.3288 0.04211 222 168 35 19
782 Feeling out of step with society today? Don't give up hope...Bozo himself used to sit on that very stool, and now he's President! 1.3288 0.04307 222 170 31 21
783 Clown Royal on the rocks? 1.3288 0.04013 222 164 43 15
784 You're late. The inauguration was last week. 1.3288 0.04113 222 166 39 17
785 Listen Bozo, I don't want any funny business here. 1.3288 0.04013 222 164 43 15
786 Sorry about your job loss, but the circus just can't compete with today's politics. 1.3288 0.04400 222 172 27 23
787 The usual Mr President? 1.3288 0.04354 222 171 29 22
788 You just missed happy hour. 1.3288 0.04162 222 167 37 18
789 Sorry, we don't serve just any clown who walks in here. 1.3288 0.03962 222 163 45 14
790 Big shoes, bright shirt, no service. 1.3288 0.04211 222 168 35 19
791 Yeah, they were all here. So, you just couldn't fit in the car, huh? 1.3288 0.04063 222 165 41 16
792 Hard day at work, Mr. President? 1.3288 0.04259 222 169 33 20
793 Tough first day in office, huh? 1.3288 0.04259 222 169 33 20
794 Don't bother, they're here. 1.3288 0.04446 222 173 25 24
795 I assume you brought your own seltzer? 1.3288 0.04013 222 164 43 15
796 Nuts? 1.3288 0.04162 222 167 37 18
797 No priest, no rabbi, no service. 1.3258 0.04170 221 167 36 18
798 Where's Melania? 1.3258 0.04410 221 172 26 23
799 That's not really what happy hour is about 1.3258 0.04120 221 166 38 17
800 Yes, Mr. President, right away. 1.3258 0.04267 221 169 32 20
801 I'm also surprised no one else does unhappy hour. 1.3258 0.04070 221 165 40 16
802 You here for the Inauguration? 1.3258 0.04170 221 167 36 18
803 How have you been settling into the White House? 1.3258 0.04267 221 169 32 20
804 I'll serve you seltzer, but this time I'm not leaving the bottle. 1.3258 0.03916 221 162 46 13
805 I don't care how your confirmation hearing is going. No pants, no service. 1.3258 0.04219 221 168 34 19
806 What is it about happy hour you don't get? 1.3258 0.04267 221 169 32 20
807 How'd I know your name was Bozo? I took a guess. 1.3258 0.03863 221 161 48 12
808 A little seltzer in you pants? 1.3258 0.04267 221 169 32 20
809 Seltzer's a dime a spritz, five bucks a pantsful. 1.3258 0.04019 221 164 42 15
810 I'm sorry about the circus closing. Have you thought about running for office? 1.3258 0.04120 221 166 38 17
811 'Make Ringling Great Again,' huh? 1.3258 0.04070 221 165 40 16
812 I guess you didn't see it coming either. 1.3258 0.03863 221 161 48 12
813 The boss says I have to stop giving you free seltzer water. 1.3258 0.03968 221 163 44 14
814 Too bad about the circus closing. I hear they're hiring in Washington D.C. 1.3242 0.04144 219 165 37 17
815 You don't look anything like your ID. 1.3242 0.03883 219 160 47 12
816 If it's any consolation, I think you would have made a great Secretary of Agriculture. 1.3242 0.04244 219 167 33 19
817 "Isn't what rich? 1.3242 0.04437 219 171 25 23
818 Just so you know, we're out of cream pies. 1.3242 0.03829 219 159 49 11
819 What'll it be, the usual seltzer to the face? 1.3242 0.03989 219 162 43 14
820 Shouldn't you be getting ready for your inauguration? 1.3242 0.04144 219 165 37 17
821 One white wine spritzer, no ice, no wine, no glass ... got it. 1.3242 0.03883 219 160 47 12
822 Let me guess...Seltzer? 1.3242 0.04194 219 166 35 18
823 For which cabinet department are you nominated? 1.3242 0.04194 219 166 35 18
824 Happy Hour's over, no thanks to you. 1.3242 0.04244 219 167 33 19
825 Sorry, I think your 14 friends drove off 15 min. ago in a yellow volkswagen. 1.3242 0.04244 219 167 33 19
826 39 guys, red noses, big shoes? Same little yellow car? Sorry, they just left. 1.3242 0.03883 219 160 47 12
827 Let me guess, you just discovered that not quite everyone loves a clown 1.3242 0.04093 219 164 39 16
828 The first drink is on me, the second on you. 1.3242 0.04144 219 165 37 17
829 Must be lonely with your friends back in Congress. 1.3242 0.04293 219 168 31 20
830 Big shoes, no service. 1.3226 0.04011 217 161 42 14
831 You expect me to believe that you have seventeen designated drivers? 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
832 May I see proof of your date of mirth? 1.3226 0.03958 217 160 44 13
833 Tough day at the confirmation hearings? 1.3226 0.04116 217 163 38 16
834 One circus closes; another opens! 1.3226 0.04319 217 167 30 20
835 All right you can come in, but no funny business. 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
836 It seems like you've been juggling a lot lately. 1.3226 0.04011 217 161 42 14
837 You might as well come in. No joke ever began: "A clown stood outside a bar." 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
838 No, we don't have anything that 'tastes funny'. 1.3226 0.04219 217 165 34 18
839 Do you want the pie in your face -- or a la mode? 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
840 Listen Harry. I serve beer - not fashion advice. 1.3226 0.04116 217 163 38 16
841 Seriously. He was sworn in this past week. 1.3226 0.04168 217 164 36 17
842 Now that the circus is closed you might consider running for president. 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
843 OK look, there are some things you can't tell your bartender. 1.3226 0.04168 217 164 36 17
844 Sorry, it's much funnier when a rabbi and a priest walk in here. 1.3226 0.04168 217 164 36 17
845 Medical or recreational? 1.3226 0.04219 217 165 34 18
846 It may impair your ability to drive a tiny car with ten others inside. 1.3226 0.03903 217 159 46 12
847 You're overdressed for Happy Hour. 1.3226 0.03848 217 158 48 11
848 Sorry. ‘Clown walks into a bar' won’t cut it anymore. Try 'clown walks into the White House.’ 1.3226 0.04319 217 167 30 20
849 I thought the car was big enough too. 1.3226 0.04011 217 161 42 14
850 Clown Royal? 1.3226 0.04011 217 161 42 14
851 You've had enough, pal. Let me call you a tiny, little Uber. 1.3226 0.04116 217 163 38 16
852 Are you in town for the inauguration? 1.3226 0.04219 217 165 34 18
853 How would I know when you've had enough. 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
854 Elections have consequences. 1.3226 0.04219 217 165 34 18
855 A rabbi, a priest and minister just left, you should of been here. 1.3226 0.03958 217 160 44 13
856 What can I get for you, Mr. President? 1.3226 0.04319 217 167 30 20
857 You're not familiar with the part of the joke where the rabbi and the priest stick the clown with the bar tab? 1.3226 0.04011 217 161 42 14
858 So what if it closed, you still have your dignity. 1.3226 0.03958 217 160 44 13
859 "You want me to call you a teeny-tiny Uber? 1.3226 0.04168 217 164 36 17
860 Moving to Washington? 1.3226 0.03903 217 159 46 12
861 I'm gonna have to start charging for the seltzer. 1.3226 0.03903 217 159 46 12
862 The joke might be on me, but the beer's not. 1.3226 0.04116 217 163 38 16
863 There’s a corkage fee if you bring your own seltzer. 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
864 I'm sure you'll make clowning great again. 1.3226 0.04064 217 162 40 15
865 The pinot has a well-rounded nose. 1.3226 0.04011 217 161 42 14
866 So a clown walks into a bar... wait, have you heard this one before? 1.3211 0.03942 218 161 44 13
867 That VW really couldn't hold everyone 1.3196 0.04235 219 168 32 19
868 Welcome to DC. Are you here for the inauguration or the protest march? 1.3196 0.04284 219 169 30 20
869 How about a Happy Meal? 1.3196 0.03980 219 163 42 14
870 Sorry buddy, Uber has rules about how many they will take in one car. 1.3194 0.04123 216 163 37 16
871 I take you're here for happy hour. 1.3194 0.04071 216 162 39 15
872 I think you're going to like working here. Between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. the place is a circus. 1.3194 0.04018 216 161 41 14
873 Hey, don't look so glum, the circus is in town for at least four years. 1.3194 0.04018 216 161 41 14
874 Fine. You can have a drink. But no funny business, understand? 1.3194 0.04123 216 163 37 16
875 Looks like you need a happy hour. 1.3194 0.04071 216 162 39 15
876 Barnum & Bailey's Irish Cream with a splash of bitters? 1.3194 0.04377 216 168 27 21
877 The Rabbi, Priest and Minister just left. 1.3188 0.04303 207 158 32 17
878 I still need ID, it's a clown college town. 1.3178 0.04147 214 162 36 16
879 Don't fret, there must be a cabinet position in the new administration for your talent. 1.3178 0.04040 214 160 40 14
880 We don't serve colored folks. 1.3178 0.04303 214 165 30 19
881 So that's one cream pie, a bucket of confetti, and a bottle of seltzer?" 1.3178 0.03874 214 157 46 11
882 So far, only one other clown that I know will be at the inauguration. 1.3178 0.04200 214 163 34 17
883 Can't serve you, Fred. You're driving the clown car tonight. 1.3178 0.04303 214 165 30 19
884 The others are being sworn in Washington. 1.3178 0.04094 214 161 38 15
885 I hear the show is moving to D.C. 1.3178 0.04200 214 163 34 17
886 No, this is 1598 Pennsylvania Avenue. You need to go two doors down. 1.3178 0.04303 214 165 30 19
887 You're early... During happy hour it's a circus in here. 1.3178 0.04094 214 161 38 15
888 You'd like a Happy Meal? 1.3178 0.03930 214 158 44 12
889 Yes, I'm aware I don't look like the picture on my license. Now, please, a beer. 1.3178 0.04354 214 166 28 20
890 You're funny-looking, you can get away with anything, and you don't know a damn thing about national security; I'd say you've got a pretty good shot in 2020! 1.3178 0.04252 214 164 32 18
891 Ok, cab's on the way, but he has 11 other pick-ups to make. 1.3178 0.04040 214 160 40 14
892 Honk once for lager, twice for IPA 1.3178 0.04040 214 160 40 14
893 Beat it. The little umbrellas are for paying customers. 1.3178 0.04147 214 162 36 16
894 Bar policy: red nose, we cut you off. 1.3163 0.03969 215 160 42 13
895 Sorry, did you ask for a Clown Royal? 1.3163 0.04130 215 163 36 16
896 Go home, you're piefaced. 1.3163 0.04024 215 161 40 14
897 Buddy, if you're looking for a happy meal, you're in the wrong place. 1.3163 0.04077 215 162 38 15
898 Sam isn't here. He says you scare him. 1.3163 0.04285 215 166 30 19
899 While Trump can't bring back your job, you have the perfect qualifications to be his advisor. 1.3163 0.04077 215 162 38 15
900 So all 12 of them are gone--and the VW? 1.3148 0.04008 216 162 40 14
901 I would have noticed if a priest and a unicorn walked in here. 1.3148 0.04008 216 162 40 14
902 Don't worry about losing your job. You have big shoes to fill. 1.3148 0.04217 216 166 32 18
903 I warned you those senators would be tough at your confirmation hearing. 1.3146 0.04154 213 162 35 16
904 Don't make me laugh! 1.3146 0.03878 213 157 45 11
905 Clown walks into a bar. 1.3146 0.04100 213 161 37 15
906 Shouldn't you be getting sworn in right now? 1.3146 0.04207 213 163 33 17
907 I wanted to be Secretary of Education but they said I'm overqualified. 1.3146 0.04311 213 165 29 19
908 You were the best entertainer at the Inauguration. 1.3146 0.04311 213 165 29 19
909 I'll give you a shot, but you've got some big shoes to fill. 1.3146 0.04259 213 164 31 18
910 No, the confirmation hearings are two blocks south. 1.3146 0.04154 213 162 35 16
911 Sorry, but we don't take any funny business here. 1.3146 0.04100 213 161 37 15
912 You want seltzer on the side or right in the kisser? 1.3128 0.04178 211 161 34 16
913 You'll need to come back with a rabbi and a priest. 1.3128 0.04124 211 160 36 15
914 You went to grade school with him and now you are Secretary of the Treasury? Cool. 1.3128 0.04069 211 159 38 14
915 You want that seltzer water in a glass or sprayed in your face? 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
916 Always good to see you, Mr. President. 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
917 The rabbi and the mathematician? They're already here. Last table to your left. 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
918 Ok, what will it take to put a smile on your face? 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
919 Rough 1st day Mr. President? 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
920 Where's the priest and rabbi? 1.3128 0.03899 211 156 44 11
921 Stop honking your horn-I will be right with you. 1.3128 0.04013 211 158 40 13
922 We can make the circus great again. 1.3128 0.04013 211 158 40 13
923 That's right,$250. Your 15 friends just packed into an impossibly small car and drove off while you were in the bathroom. 1.3128 0.04069 211 159 38 14
924 I dispense the seltzer. Got that? 1.3128 0.04124 211 160 36 15
925 Irrational fears hour is from 5 to 7. 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
926 I'd suggest Washington D.C., but they're over their quota of clowns right now. 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
927 That cop outside just ticketed your tricycle. 1.3128 0.03841 211 155 46 10
928 Soooo, how's the presidency going? 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
929 I had no idea Chief Twitter Strategist required Senate confirmation. 1.3128 0.04069 211 159 38 14
930 Welcome to "the greatest bar on earth". 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
931 There’s a corkage fee if you bring your own seltzer bottle. 1.3128 0.04124 211 160 36 15
932 My confirmation hearing didn't go well. 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
933 Six cream pies to go. Anything else? 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
934 You drove here by yourself? 1.3128 0.04285 211 163 30 18
935 Can't you take a joke? 1.3128 0.04069 211 159 38 14
936 I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. 1.3128 0.04013 211 158 40 13
937 Funny you should stop by. 1.3128 0.04013 211 158 40 13
938 None of our beer tastes funny 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
939 Your usual little song, little dance, and a little seltzer down your pants? 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
940 I should be able to think of something witty to say by the time the priest and rabbi arrive. 1.3128 0.04178 211 161 34 16
941 Sure, your confirmation hearings were tough. But hey -- now you're a member of the cabinet. 1.3128 0.04337 211 164 28 19
942 sorry sir, happy hour is over 1.3128 0.04178 211 161 34 16
943 Hang in here, Happy Hour begins in 30 minutes. 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
944 It's extra if you want that to the face. 1.3128 0.04337 211 164 28 19
945 Incumbent presidents are hard to defeat, but given your qualifications, I say go for it! 1.3128 0.04124 211 160 36 15
946 This is no time for levity. 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
947 We've had too many complaints. No more cream pies to go for you. 1.3113 0.04052 212 160 38 14
948 One circus replaces another. Sad! 1.3095 0.04398 210 165 25 20
949 I thought you'd be at the inauguration. 1.3095 0.04346 210 164 27 19
950 1600 Pennsylvania Ave is just up the street. You can't miss it! 1.3095 0.04131 210 160 35 15
951 Have you considered politics? 1.3095 0.03845 210 155 45 10
952 So, how'd you hear about our Not Happy Hour? 1.3095 0.03962 210 157 41 12
953 Did that last drink taste funny to you? 1.3095 0.03845 210 155 45 10
954 Who needs a clown when Trump's in the White House. 1.3095 0.04131 210 160 35 15
955 I think that you have an EXCELLENT chance of winning the election. 1.3077 0.04154 208 159 34 15
956 We don't serve multicolored people. 1.3077 0.03924 208 155 42 11
957 Sorry sir. No smile, no service. 1.3077 0.04154 208 159 34 15
958 My wife doesn't understand me either. 1.3077 0.03865 208 154 44 10
959 I'm sorry, but we don't take funny money. 1.3077 0.04265 208 161 30 17
960 Cheer up. You may be sad and drunk, but you're still a clown. 1.3077 0.03804 208 153 46 9
961 Seltzer water it is. Do you want the whole bottle? 1.3077 0.04041 208 157 38 13
962 Um. Sorry. This picture doesn't look anything like you. Got another form of ID? 1.3077 0.03983 208 156 40 12
963 How'd your inauguration go? 1.3077 0.04319 208 162 28 18
964 If birthday parties don't work out, I heard they're hiring for the Cabinet. 1.3077 0.04098 208 158 36 14
965 No kidding. 1.3077 0.04210 208 160 32 16
966 Is it still Happy Hour? 1.3077 0.04265 208 161 30 17
967 Too bad about the circus, but I hear Trump still has some openings. 1.3077 0.04041 208 157 38 13
968 Are you here for the inauguration or a Trump appointee? 1.3077 0.04529 208 166 20 22
969 I hear those confirmation hearings are rough 1.3077 0.04154 208 159 34 15
970 This is a respectable joint, so don't try anything funny in here! 1.3077 0.03865 208 154 44 10
971 Sorry, the other 30 guys said you were the DD 1.3077 0.04041 208 157 38 13
972 Don't worry... A brand new one just opened at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 1.3077 0.04265 208 161 30 17
973 For eight people in a single car, I would recommend cups, not cones. 1.3077 0.04210 208 160 32 16
974 I saw you had a rough confirmation hearing. 1.3077 0.04098 208 158 36 14
975 Charlie, I don't see why you find it necessary to act out these 'A clown walks into a bar' jokes. 1.3077 0.04580 208 167 18 23
976 Nice try but it's still not happy hour. 1.3077 0.04098 208 158 36 14
977 You going to clown around or order a drink? 1.3077 0.03865 208 154 44 10
978 Will that seltzer be to go or just sprayed in your face? 1.3077 0.03983 208 156 40 12
979 A job ? Don't make me laugh. 1.3077 0.04210 208 160 32 16
980 Come back at Happy Hour. 1.3077 0.03983 208 156 40 12
981 Yes, we have seltzer. 1.3077 0.04098 208 158 36 14
982 Bailey's I can do, but no more Barnum & Bailey's. 1.3077 0.04319 208 162 28 18
983 What's up? You look like the circus just died. 1.3077 0.04154 208 159 34 15
984 So, you're happy on the INSIDE? 1.3077 0.03804 208 153 46 9
985 No jobs here. Try the White House 1.3077 0.04265 208 161 30 17
986 You're in the wrong joke...it's "two cannibals are eating a clown, one says--this taste funny to you?" 1.3077 0.03924 208 155 42 11
987 Why not run for president? 1.3077 0.04265 208 161 30 17
988 Yeah, the Trump administration's poaching hit Ringling Brothers pretty hard. 1.3077 0.04319 208 162 28 18
989 First, I'll need to see a photo ID. 1.3077 0.04319 208 162 28 18
990 We don't serve bozos. 1.3077 0.03924 208 155 42 11
991 What can I get you, Mr. President? 1.3077 0.04477 208 165 22 21
992 Laid off, eh? Well, you could always run for President. 1.3062 0.04354 209 164 26 19
993 I'm sorry-we're out of seltzer. 1.3062 0.04081 209 159 36 14
994 Sorry. We filled that position in November. 1.3062 0.04137 209 160 34 15
995 Not everyone could get a cabinet post. 1.3048 0.04120 210 161 34 15
996 The usual Mr President? 1.3043 0.04327 207 162 27 18
997 I have no son. 1.3043 0.04217 207 160 31 16
998 Hello, Mr. President! 1.3043 0.04486 207 165 21 21
999 Ever consider running for office? 1.3043 0.03869 207 154 43 10
1000 I know you're the only one performing but the inauguration is still a pretty big deal. 1.3043 0.04272 207 161 29 17
1001 Clown shirt, clown shoes, no service. 1.3043 0.04047 207 157 37 13
1002 Now before you start, I don't want any funny business 1.3043 0.03746 207 152 47 8
1003 I suppose you're looking for a punchline. 1.3043 0.03929 207 155 41 11
1004 Squirt me with that flower again and Sam is going to kick your ass! 1.3043 0.04217 207 160 31 16
1005 No funny business 1.3043 0.04047 207 157 37 13
1006 If you can't find a way to juggle a career and family, what hope is there for the rest of us? 1.3043 0.04161 207 159 33 15
1007 We don't serve clowns here ... we just elect them to the highest office in the land. 1.3043 0.04217 207 160 31 16
1008 Sorry, no seltzer. 1.3043 0.04104 207 158 35 14
1009 What makes you think you're qualified to run for office? 1.3043 0.04272 207 161 29 17
1010 I suspect you won't appreciate the irony but "happy hour" is over. 1.3043 0.04104 207 158 35 14
1011 That was the Inauguration team. They want to send you in. 1.3043 0.04486 207 165 21 21
1012 You could always try for a Cabinet position 1.3043 0.04104 207 158 35 14
1013 One UNHAPPY MEAL coming up! 1.3043 0.04161 207 159 33 15
1014 I think you're looking for the White House next door. 1.3043 0.04217 207 160 31 16
1015 Usual, Joe, with a bucket of confetti water on the side? 1.3043 0.03929 207 155 41 11
1016 No funny business here, Buddy! 1.3043 0.04104 207 158 35 14
1017 You're not the only clown to come in here thinking you can drown your sorrows. 1.3043 0.03988 207 156 39 12
1018 We only sell pie by the slice. 1.3043 0.04104 207 158 35 14
1019 Sorry. You can't drink and drive 32 people in one car. 1.3043 0.04047 207 157 37 13
1020 I told you Bill, if you get clown-faced in my bar I gotta shut you off. 1.3043 0.03929 207 155 41 11
1021 Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a crying on the inside bartender. What'll you have? 1.3043 0.03929 207 155 41 11
1022 I can't serve you unless you have eleven designated drivers. 1.3043 0.04047 207 157 37 13
1023 Don't worry, Mr. Weiner. I won't blow your cover. 1.3024 0.04128 205 157 34 14
1024 I see one of your associates made to the White House. 1.3024 0.04242 205 159 30 16
1025 Hey pal, why don't you just go home and take the Greatest Shower on Earth. 1.3024 0.04462 205 163 22 20
1026 Happy Hour is just a euphemism. 1.3024 0.03950 205 154 40 11
1027 We don't do Happy Hour. 1.3024 0.04185 205 158 32 15
1028 Well, you got my vote. 1.3024 0.04185 205 158 32 15
1029 I thought that happy hour would draw a different type of crowd. 1.3024 0.03950 205 154 40 11
1030 Just consider the breakup with the bearded lady a blessing in disguise. 1.3024 0.04128 205 157 34 14
1031 Tough day working in the new Trump cabinet? 1.3024 0.04242 205 159 30 16
1032 I'm sorry, with a splash of seltzer where? 1.3024 0.03764 205 151 46 8
1033 You from Ringling Bros.? This one's on me. 1.3024 0.04242 205 159 30 16
1034 What'll it be, Mr. President? 1.3024 0.04353 205 161 26 18
1035 Sam I am 1.3024 0.04185 205 158 32 15
1036 Yeah, I miss the elephants too. What can I get you? 1.3024 0.04128 205 157 34 14
1037 "Who sent you in? 1.3024 0.04408 205 162 24 19
1038 You the designated driver? Two dozen guys looking for you back there. 1.3024 0.04242 205 159 30 16
1039 Why the clown face, Mac? 1.3024 0.04069 205 156 36 13
1040 Didn't I see you at the Inauguration? 1.3024 0.03827 205 152 44 9
1041 No more seltzer, pal. I am cutting you off. 1.3024 0.04069 205 156 36 13
1042 I'll validate if the rest of them get out of the car. 1.3024 0.04069 205 156 36 13
1043 Don't care if you're a 'happy' drunk. You've had enough. 1.3024 0.03889 205 153 42 10
1044 I hear you're the main act at Trump's inauguration. 1.3024 0.04353 205 161 26 18
1045 No Shtick, no service. 1.3024 0.04128 205 157 34 14
1046 Sam suddenly realizes the country is being run by clowns. 1.3024 0.04408 205 162 24 19
1047 Better give me your order fast. A little car just pulled up outside. 1.3024 0.03764 205 151 46 8
1048 Cheer up buddy,he won't buy up all the orange wigs. 1.3024 0.04298 205 160 28 17
1049 We want to keep Portland weird, not creepy. 1.3024 0.04298 205 160 28 17
1050 I hear the new administration is looking for help. 1.3024 0.04185 205 158 32 15
1051 Sorry, the juggler had better bartending skills, and the fire eater got the job on the grill. 1.3024 0.04242 205 159 30 16
1052 Want your eggs funny side up? 1.3024 0.03764 205 151 46 8
1053 All our seltzer bottles have gone missing. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 1.3024 0.04010 205 155 38 12
1054 Sure you can get elected, it's been done before .. 1.3024 0.04298 205 160 28 17
1055 Sorry. It's happy hour. 1.3024 0.04128 205 157 34 14
1056 Sorry, but some bozo just ran off with our last bottle of seltzer. 1.3024 0.04010 205 155 38 12
1057 You look like you could use something serious. 1.3024 0.04515 205 164 20 21
1058 What'll it be, Mr. Secretary? 1.3024 0.04185 205 158 32 15
1059 Nice try, Senator, but I think you've had enough. 1.3024 0.04298 205 160 28 17
1060 Sorry, we're all out of the rubber chicken 1.3024 0.03827 205 152 44 9
1061 I'm not letting you drive, no matter how small that car is. 1.3024 0.04128 205 157 34 14
1062 I guess we're both therapists in our own way. 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
1063 Let me guess - the wife caught you foolin' around again? 1.3005 0.03971 203 153 39 11
1064 C'mon cheer up, 146 years was a great run. 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
1065 So this is what Trump meant when he said he was bringing jobs back. 1.3005 0.04210 203 157 31 15
1066 Have you considered running for President. 1.3005 0.04267 203 158 29 16
1067 This is the wrong address. Your interview is at the circus in the Tower a few blocks up. 1.3005 0.04151 203 156 33 14
1068 Sorry, we don't have unhappy hour here. 1.3005 0.04092 203 155 35 13
1069 Tough luck, but I guess why go to the circus when you can watch CNN. 1.3005 0.04210 203 157 31 15
1070 Say, weren't you in here yesterday with the Rabbi and the Priest. 1.3005 0.04324 203 159 27 17
1071 I'm funny how? 1.3005 0.04210 203 157 31 15
1072 No, it's not automatically happy hour when you come in. 1.3005 0.03971 203 153 39 11
1073 Stop me if you've heard this one. 1.3005 0.04092 203 155 35 13
1074 You think all your friends will fit in one cab? 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
1075 You could always get a job with Cirque Du Trump. 1.3005 0.04267 203 158 29 16
1076 I take it that you're not looking for a serious position. 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
1077 Don't expect sympathy from me. I got two rescue elephants at home. 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
1078 It sounds like you've been juggling too much for too long. 1.3005 0.03909 203 152 41 10
1079 So your boss gets inaugurated, and whammo, you're out of your tweeting job. 1.3005 0.04380 203 160 25 18
1080 Actually, I have heard that one before. 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
1081 We've served so many clowns, it's not even funny. 1.3005 0.04092 203 155 35 13
1082 It must be an oversight; other than not being a billionaire, you were perfectly qualified to get a spot in the new Cabinet. 1.3005 0.04267 203 158 29 16
1083 You say Trump stole your act? 1.3005 0.04210 203 157 31 15
1084 You just missed our happy hour. 1.3005 0.03971 203 153 39 11
1085 This one's on me. I know those Senate confirmation hearings can be rough. 1.3005 0.04210 203 157 31 15
1086 Seltzer I assume? 1.3005 0.04151 203 156 33 14
1087 This better be a good one. 1.3005 0.03971 203 153 39 11
1088 She said that I'm no fun anymore. 1.3005 0.03718 203 149 47 7
1089 New job at the White House got you down? 1.3005 0.04324 203 159 27 17
1090 One minute I'm in the 'Greatest Show on Earth,' and the next, I'm in the Cabinet 'Making America Great Again.' 1.3005 0.04092 203 155 35 13
1091 Sorry, all the other clowns left for Washington. 1.3005 0.04151 203 156 33 14
1092 Your senate confirmation hearing has be rescheduled for Tuesday. 1.3005 0.04210 203 157 31 15
1093 How now frown clown? 1.3005 0.04092 203 155 35 13
1094 We're out of Clown Royal. 1.3005 0.03909 203 152 41 10
1095 Mr. President. 1.3005 0.04490 203 162 21 20
1096 The clown convention moved to Washington, D.C. this year. 1.3005 0.04380 203 160 25 18
1097 So what you've been laid off, have you given any thought to Politics? 1.2990 0.03830 204 152 43 9
1098 How about a Barnum and Baileys Irish Cream? 1.2990 0.03954 204 154 39 11
1099 Hey, why the drawn face? 1.2990 0.03954 204 154 39 11
1100 I see you are here for happy hour. 1.2990 0.04249 204 159 29 16
1101 Sorry, no funny business allowed. 1.2990 0.04134 204 157 33 14
1102 Eighteen beers...my buddies are parking the car. 1.2990 0.04134 204 157 33 14
1103 Sorry pal, I don't talk politics, religion, or the circus 1.2976 0.04116 205 158 33 14
1104 Sorry, no happy meals here. Try down the block. 1.2976 0.03998 205 156 37 12
1105 Would you like me to call a clown car? 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1106 You want it in a squirting flower? 1.2970 0.04037 202 154 36 12
1107 We're all out of seltzer water. 1.2970 0.04037 202 154 36 12
1108 Sorry, we only serve mimes. 1.2970 0.04098 202 155 34 13
1109 Yes, I do get a lot of clowns in here. 1.2970 0.03913 202 152 40 10
1110 Hey, Donald. 1.2970 0.04388 202 160 24 18
1111 So, which country are you President of? 1.2970 0.04157 202 156 32 14
1112 A little seltzer down your pants? 1.2970 0.04157 202 156 32 14
1113 Sorry, no ID, no drink - but I'd be happy to shoot some seltzer water in your face. 1.2970 0.04157 202 156 32 14
1114 Sorry, we're outta seltzer 1.2970 0.03913 202 152 40 10
1115 Your odds are pretty good for 2020 if 2016 proved anything. 1.2970 0.04444 202 161 22 19
1116 I know it's not as funny, but tonic water's all we got. 1.2970 0.03850 202 151 42 9
1117 Sorry, we have to let you go. Customers complained that everything you served tasted funny. 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1118 I used to be a clown, now I just do standup. 1.2970 0.03913 202 152 40 10
1119 Don't cry--I think a few Cabinet spots are still available. 1.2970 0.04274 202 158 28 16
1120 Happy Hour starts in ten minutes. We don't have a Funny Hour. 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1121 What are you clowns drinking these days? 1.2970 0.04216 202 157 30 15
1122 Welcome to Sam's. Where childhood dreams come to die. 1.2970 0.03850 202 151 42 9
1123 Sorry buddy, we only serve serious drinkers here. 1.2970 0.04157 202 156 32 14
1124 Well, you're probably right Sam, Ringling can't complete with the big clown in the White House. 1.2970 0.04216 202 157 30 15
1125 You're ruining happy hour. 1.2970 0.04037 202 154 36 12
1126 Maybe the car just wasn't big enough for one more...... 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1127 I used to think life was a circus too 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1128 I thought you were on the wagon. 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1129 Wait, let me guess! A little seltzer down your pants? 1.2970 0.04037 202 154 36 12
1130 Just come back from the inauguration? 1.2970 0.04388 202 160 24 18
1131 The White House is next door. 1.2970 0.03976 202 153 38 11
1132 Sorry, we've already sent in a clown. 1.2970 0.04157 202 156 32 14
1133 So you've got thirteen designated drivers, huh? 1.2970 0.04098 202 155 34 13
1134 Sorry, Bub. Happy Hour just ended. It's Schadenfreude Time. 1.2970 0.04098 202 155 34 13
1135 No oversized shoes, no rainbow hair, no service. 1.2970 0.03913 202 152 40 10
1136 ...Make it double. Today has been a circus! 1.2970 0.03785 202 150 44 8
1137 Cabinet huh?, well as one door closes another open I guess... 1.2956 0.04140 203 157 32 14
1138 Would you like the seltzer water in a glass or sprayed directly in your face? 1.2956 0.03959 203 154 38 11
1139 They already have one in the White House ! 1.2956 0.04198 203 158 30 15
1140 ID? 1.2956 0.04140 203 157 32 14
1141 Sorry, no happy meals here. 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1142 You walked into a bar, I get it but you still need the punch line. 1.2956 0.04313 203 160 26 17
1143 I hope you're a better tipper than the clown who came in yesterday. 1.2956 0.04140 203 157 32 14
1144 'Sam, I know it's you and your wife still says to call her immediately.' 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1145 Great disguise, Gov. Christie. 1.2950 0.04300 200 157 27 16
1146 Sorry, we're out of pie. 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1147 Sorry, we don't entertain clowns here. You are looking for Uncle Sam's. 1.2950 0.04241 200 156 29 15
1148 I'm sorry Barnum and Bailey closed. On the positive side, I hear there are job openings in Washington DC. 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1149 Hey, man, you look like you just lost your best elephant. 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1150 So I get it...he stole your act. 1.2950 0.04358 200 158 25 17
1151 Won't this make you late for your inauguration? 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1152 Unhappy hour doesn't start till midnight. 1.2950 0.04241 200 156 29 15
1153 Your usual seltzer? 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1154 Sorry, we're all out of seltzer. 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1155 I'm guessing this is your first "Happy Hour" 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1156 I juggle three jobs. 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1157 Sorry, pal – I gotta cut off anyone with a red nose. 1.2950 0.03737 200 148 45 7
1158 Actually, we don't have a 'happy hour'. 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1159 The priest and the rabbi will be right in--they're looking for a parking space 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1160 Sorry, Supreme Court justice candidates actually have to pass a different bar exam 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1161 No, no, no. I told my wife I deserved a "CROWN" for putting up with her... 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1162 I'm sorry, we're all out of Clown Royal. 1.2950 0.03804 200 149 43 8
1163 Yes, I 'm sad, tomorrow I'm having a clownoscopy. 1.2950 0.04300 200 157 27 16
1164 I'm cutting you off. No more seltzer. 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1165 The Inauguration was last week. 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1166 Don't worry, the whole country's a circus. 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1167 I know how you feel. I used to work for Blockbuster. 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1168 More seltzer? 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1169 It's our 'Unhappy Hour' - zero drinks for the price of one. 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1170 Would a Baileys be too soon? 1.2950 0.04358 200 158 25 17
1171 If we start serving pie, I've got your resume on file. 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1172 They all left in a sidecar 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1173 Hold the seltzer? 1.2950 0.03934 200 151 39 10
1174 You must be a member of the incoming administration. 1.2950 0.04358 200 158 25 17
1175 Sorry, we're out of creme pies. 1.2950 0.03934 200 151 39 10
1176 You're not alone. 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1177 Just liberal press bias. You'll do fine at your confirmation hearing. 1.2950 0.04241 200 156 29 15
1178 Are you the clown who was in here last week? 1.2950 0.03804 200 149 43 8
1179 I heard about the elephants but you too? 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1180 Sometimes the show must not go on 1.2950 0.04241 200 156 29 15
1181 You drove alone? 1.2950 0.03934 200 151 39 10
1182 Today's your lucky day. We actually DO serve clowns like you in here. 1.2950 0.03804 200 149 43 8
1183 Paris. Go to Paris. They love clowns, they love the circus and they don't give a damn about the elephants. 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1184 Pretty sure I've heard this one before, but OK, go ahead 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1185 Rough kids' party? 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1186 I didn't know you could break your funny bone. 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1187 Yuengling or Ringling? 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1188 What are you, some kind of clown? 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1189 I'm just saying... not sure Blotto is the best name for a clown. 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1190 What are you running for? 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1191 Where do you want the seltzer? 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1192 So, Bozo, what's this I hear about you getting a place in Trump's cabinet? 1.2950 0.04300 200 157 27 16
1193 Sorry, I've discontinued happy hour. 1.2950 0.04300 200 157 27 16
1194 No, I'm dead serious: We're out of seltzer. 1.2950 0.04241 200 156 29 15
1195 Stay creepy, my friend. 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1196 I'm sorry; we only serve clowns that make laughter great again. 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1197 Beer yes. Cream pie no. 1.2950 0.04121 200 154 33 13
1198 Lemme guess. Another seltzer? 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1199 Gallon of seltzer water it is. 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1200 35 years with Ringling Brothers, and all you got was a whoopee cushion, a rubber chicken, and a gold watch that squirts water? 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1201 No, I don't want a little song, a little dance, or a little seltzer in my pants. 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1202 He just put you all out of work, right ? 1.2950 0.04060 200 153 35 12
1203 I'm assuming you don't mind that it tastes a little funny. 1.2950 0.04182 200 155 31 14
1204 "Who sent you in? 1.2950 0.04300 200 157 27 16
1205 I thought you'd be at the senate confirmation hearings being grilled with the other clowns. 1.2950 0.04358 200 158 25 17
1206 Do you want that seltzer water shot in your face or do you want to drink it here? 1.2950 0.03870 200 150 41 9
1207 You looking for the White House? 1.2950 0.04415 200 159 23 18
1208 Sorry, I promised my boss no funny business. 1.2950 0.03804 200 149 43 8
1209 Sorry, we don't serve sad clowns during happy hour. 1.2950 0.04241 200 156 29 15
1210 Happy Hour just ended. 1.2950 0.03997 200 152 37 11
1211 I know, I know... Everybody hates you. What are you drinking? 1.2935 0.03917 201 152 39 10
1212 I'm out of seltzer too. 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
1213 Why so serious? 1.2935 0.03980 201 153 37 11
1214 Want your seltzer water in a glass, or should I just squirt you down today? 1.2935 0.04042 201 154 35 12
1215 Soda fountain in the face as usual? 1.2935 0.04163 201 156 31 14
1216 Designated driver or not, you’re too late. They all left in a tiny little car a while ago. 1.2935 0.04223 201 157 29 15
1217 If they'd called themselves the Ringling Sisters this never would have happened. 1.2935 0.03788 201 150 43 8
1218 OK, one draft. But no funny stuff. 1.2915 0.03938 199 151 38 10
1219 I'll get your seltzer, but no funny business. 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1220 What'll it be bozo? 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1221 So, you're with the Inauguration?" 1.2915 0.04307 199 157 26 16
1222 How about a White House cabinet job? 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1223 Your inauguration is down at the Capitol, Sir 1.2915 0.04065 199 153 34 12
1224 Inauguration jitters? 1.2915 0.04248 199 156 28 15
1225 How was the inauguration? 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1226 Mr. President. 1.2915 0.04188 199 155 30 14
1227 How was the inauguration? 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
1228 What can I get for you, Mr. President? 1.2915 0.04307 199 157 26 16
1229 Good evening, Mr. President. What would you like to drink? 1.2915 0.04423 199 159 22 18
1230 Why the sad face paint? 1.2893 0.04024 197 151 35 11
1231 I'm sorry, sir. All orders for over a hundred custard pies must be placed three days in advance. 1.2893 0.04212 197 154 29 14
1232 Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, you walk into mine. 1.2872 0.04174 195 152 30 13
1233 I'm sorry, sir. It's not that kind of bar anymore. 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1234 You want that beer served in a dribble glass or straight from the flower on my lapel 1.2872 0.04174 195 152 30 13
1235 So, where are the rabbi and the priest? 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1236 I'm looking for somebody who can tell me whether or not something tastes funny. 1.2872 0.03980 195 149 36 10
1237 I don't know how to make a 'Banana-Peel Daiquiri' 1.2872 0.04299 195 154 26 15
1238 We are not hiring but I heard Trump still had some cabinet positions to fill. 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1239 So, just a seltzer, then? 1.2872 0.04046 195 150 34 11
1240 Sorry to hear about your gig at Ringling Bros., but I hear Trump still has some cabinet openings. 1.2872 0.04538 195 158 18 19
1241 No carpool today? 1.2872 0.03913 195 148 38 9
1242 Well I can see you don't enjoy doing the job as much as you liked campaigning for it. 1.2872 0.04299 195 154 26 15
1243 The usual? Seltzer with a shot in the eye, right? 1.2872 0.03980 195 149 36 10
1244 So they inaugurated you, and you're still not happy? 1.2872 0.04237 195 153 28 14
1245 Yes, we have whipped cream. Why do you ask? 1.2872 0.03913 195 148 38 9
1246 Hey, why the wide face? 1.2872 0.03913 195 148 38 9
1247 Sorry about your confirmation hearing. 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1248 I don't want no funny business here. 1.2872 0.03845 195 147 40 8
1249 We're all out of mirth. How about some cheerful dread? 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1250 A door closes, a door opens. Try running for President. 1.2872 0.04237 195 153 28 14
1251 You're scarier sober. 1.2872 0.03980 195 149 36 10
1252 I understand that the circus is gone. We get our laughs from politics. 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
1253 I will order in a minute. Just waiting on the priest and the rabbi. 1.2857 0.04218 196 154 28 14
1254 Just the usual: vodka with a twist of balloon? 1.2857 0.04218 196 154 28 14
1255 In all the gin joints in all the towns in the world he walks into mine. 1.2857 0.04280 196 155 26 15
1256 How about something to turn that frown upside-down? 1.2857 0.03896 196 149 38 9
1257 I don’t want no funny business in my place. 1.2843 0.04137 197 154 30 13
1258 Nice try, Tommy, but you are still 17. 1.2835 0.04180 194 152 29 13
1259 cheer up Bozo...there are still a few cabinet positions available. 1.2835 0.04115 194 151 31 12
1260 Sorry to hear the Greatest Show on Earth is shutting down, might check out the circus in Washington 1.2835 0.04243 194 153 27 14
1261 I think it's a little early to campaign for 2020. 1.2835 0.04428 194 156 21 17
1262 Something to make you feel sadder? 1.2835 0.04180 194 152 29 13
1263 I would be happy to support your presidential campaign in 2020. There's no way you could lose. 1.2835 0.04305 194 154 25 15
1264 Don't worry, I know they are big shoes to fill but you will do fine. 1.2835 0.03847 194 147 39 8
1265 You should have run. You'd do a better job than that other clown. 1.2835 0.04050 194 150 33 11
1266 Have you considered taking your act to Twitter? 1.2835 0.04115 194 151 31 12
1267 You'll have to leave your balloon animal outside. 1.2835 0.04180 194 152 29 13
1268 How was the inaugural parade? 1.2835 0.04428 194 156 21 17
1269 This job is not your calling. I suggest you run for political office. 1.2835 0.04243 194 153 27 14
1270 They're hiring at the White House. 1.2835 0.04050 194 150 33 11
1271 Happy Hour starts when you leave. 1.2835 0.04428 194 156 21 17
1272 Sorry - we stopped giving clown discounts when Trump was elected. 1.2835 0.04367 194 155 23 16
1273 What kind of clown comes to a bar and asks for ice on the rocks. 1.2835 0.04305 194 154 25 15
1274 Have you considered running for office? 1.2835 0.03916 194 148 37 9
1275 Forget the circus -- I hear the White House needs a court jester. 1.2835 0.04115 194 151 31 12
1276 Could be Sad Clown Disease. 1.2835 0.03847 194 147 39 8
1277 I can see by your nose you've had enough. 1.2812 0.03795 192 145 40 7
1278 I hear there are openings down at the Congress. 1.2812 0.04268 192 152 26 14
1279 You just missed our happy hour. 1.2812 0.03866 192 146 38 8
1280 You've had enough Bud - I'll call you a clown car 1.2812 0.04139 192 150 30 12
1281 I guess you're here for happy hour. 1.2812 0.03795 192 145 40 7
1282 Are you here for happy hour? 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1283 Anybody ever told you that you look like a clown? 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1284 Clown walks into a bar. Now that's funny. 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1285 I'm out of seltzer. 1.2812 0.03936 192 147 36 9
1286 You missed Happy Hour 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1287 Sorry, we're out of seltzer water. 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1288 Where's the duck and the priest? 1.2812 0.03795 192 145 40 7
1289 Sorry, this is 1601 Pennsylvania Ave. 1.2812 0.04268 192 152 26 14
1290 I'm sorry. We're fresh out of cream pies. 1.2812 0.03795 192 145 40 7
1291 Health Department won't allow a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. 1.2812 0.04139 192 150 30 12
1292 I'll call you an Uber that seats 35. 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1293 Oh it's happy hour. Just not for you. 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1294 Are you with the circus, rodeo, or SCOTUS nominees? 1.2812 0.04577 192 157 16 19
1295 This is Sam's Pub. You're looking for Sam's birthday party. 1.2812 0.04139 192 150 30 12
1296 Yeah, so how do you think the elephants are feelin' right now? 1.2812 0.04204 192 151 28 13
1297 So, anyone ever mistake you for the president? 1.2812 0.04268 192 152 26 14
1298 Sorry, we don't have a Happy Hour. 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1299 Nice try, but Happy Hour is over. 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1300 Sorry, but we don't really need a bar clown. Try D.C. 1.2812 0.03866 192 146 38 8
1301 You want anything with the seltzer? 1.2812 0.04268 192 152 26 14
1302 I assume you brought your own seltzer? 1.2812 0.03795 192 145 40 7
1303 Just some seltzer? 1.2812 0.03936 192 147 36 9
1304 What'll you have, Mr. President? 1.2812 0.04332 192 153 24 15
1305 It's not happy hour. 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1306 Sorry Chuckles, but we're fresh out of Clown Royal. 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1307 We don't have a happy hour. 1.2812 0.03722 192 144 42 6
1308 Since the election, we've decided we don't have to serve your kind here. 1.2812 0.04268 192 152 26 14
1309 Don't worry, Bozo, I'm sure another cabinet post will open up soon. 1.2812 0.04139 192 150 30 12
1310 Just the unusual today, Sam. 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1311 One giant spray bottle of seltzer, coming up. 1.2812 0.03866 192 146 38 8
1312 You'll land on your feet Chuckles, there are plenty of opportunities to frighten children. Have you considered dental school? 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1313 Don't tell me...seltzer and pie, right? 1.2812 0.04072 192 149 32 11
1314 sorry but this is happy hour 1.2812 0.04005 192 148 34 10
1315 Something to wash down the tears? 1.2812 0.04139 192 150 30 12
1316 Your wife called, she needs her hat back. 1.2798 0.03987 193 149 34 10
1317 alright, but no funny business! 1.2798 0.04435 193 156 20 17
1318 ...well it's mostly gin, creme de mint a little song, a little dance ,a little seltzer down your pants. 1.2798 0.04249 193 153 26 14
1319 Sorry--we're all out of pie. 1.2798 0.04054 193 150 32 11
1320 Sorry, no big floppy shoes, no service. 1.2798 0.03987 193 149 34 10
1321 I get it. A clown walks into a bar. Now what's the rest of the joke? 1.2798 0.04054 193 150 32 11
1322 What'll you have Governor Christie? 1.2798 0.04374 193 155 22 16
1323 Sorry, you just missed happy hour. 1.2798 0.03849 193 147 38 8
1324 Another cream pie? 1.2798 0.03987 193 149 34 10
1325 You're here to raise our spirits? 1.2798 0.04120 193 151 30 12
1326 Now, there's no sense in being depressed about it. Just accept the fact that your job is to terrify small children. 1.2798 0.03987 193 149 34 10
1327 Yeah, your friends just left. The Uber guy said he could only take fifteen in the Prius. 1.2798 0.04054 193 150 32 11
1328 Let me guess another club soda? 1.2798 0.03987 193 149 34 10
1329 Sorry, I just hired the bearded lady. 1.2798 0.04120 193 151 30 12
1330 We need to re-think Happy Hour. 1.2798 0.04054 193 150 32 11
1331 You just missed a traveling salesman, a horse and a rabbi. 1.2798 0.03706 193 145 42 6
1332 Sorry, we don't have a Happy Hour. 1.2798 0.04185 193 152 28 13
1333 I'm sorry, but we don't have a Happy Hour. 1.2798 0.03918 193 148 36 9
1334 Sorry pal we don't have happy hour . 1.2775 0.04076 191 149 31 11
1335 No contest. ‘The Greatest Show on Earth’ is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. 1.2775 0.04274 191 152 25 14
1336 Congratulations on your selection as the new POTUS emoji. 1.2775 0.04525 191 156 17 18
1337 Nope..this is S'MAS...SAM'S is down the street 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
1338 They moved the clown party to the White House. 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
1339 You heard me. No. More. Seltzer. 1.2775 0.04401 191 154 21 16
1340 Circus ran away on you? 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
1341 Don't feel so bad. You're not the only Cabinet nominee not to be confirmed. 1.2775 0.03939 191 147 35 9
1342 You say it all started to unravel when they got rid of the elephants. 1.2775 0.03939 191 147 35 9
1343 I don't think there are any cabinet positions still available. 1.2775 0.03868 191 146 37 8
1344 No kidding. 1.2775 0.04143 191 150 29 12
1345 You'll be fine. We've elected clowns president before. 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
1346 Come on in. Everyone in here already has a big red nose. 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
1347 I don't know who jacked your orange wig. You need a better description than 'chubby guy, tiny hands.' 1.2775 0.04463 191 155 19 17
1348 Too bad about Ringling Brothers. Maybe you can catch on with the new administration. 1.2775 0.04143 191 150 29 12
1349 Yeah, I'll miss the elephants too. 1.2775 0.04008 191 148 33 10
1350 Why the long face? No more room left in the Trump cabinet? 1.2775 0.04076 191 149 31 11
1351 Well, have you considered working in politics? 1.2775 0.04143 191 150 29 12
1352 Sure you are...so where's your Secret Service detail? 1.2775 0.03939 191 147 35 9
1353 Have you considered maybe running for office? 1.2775 0.04076 191 149 31 11
1354 You look like you could use a drink. 1.2775 0.04008 191 148 33 10
1355 Is this a joke? 1.2775 0.04274 191 152 25 14
1356 Have you thought about going into politics? 1.2775 0.04008 191 148 33 10
1357 Hey! Shouldn't you be in the Oval Office? 1.2775 0.04209 191 151 27 13
1358 We've got nothing, but I hear they're hiring at Goldman Sachs. 1.2775 0.04525 191 156 17 18
1359 I tried to get into the inauguration ceremony, but they told me they already had a clown. 1.2775 0.04143 191 150 29 12
1360 You'll have to come back after Happy Hour. 1.2769 0.04147 195 154 28 13
1361 I once killed a clown, just to watch him die. 1.2751 0.04300 189 151 24 14
1362 It's ironic. With one of your colleagues now in the White House, I guess the Greatest Show actually will live on. 1.2751 0.04365 189 152 22 15
1363 I thought I heard congress was back in town. 1.2751 0.03959 189 146 34 9
1364 You have some nerve showing your face around here. 1.2751 0.04030 189 147 32 10
1365 Circus experience should get you elected to Congress. 1.2751 0.04099 189 148 30 11
1366 I hear ya, the confirmation process is a nightmare. 1.2751 0.04167 189 149 28 12
1367 Usually the Washington elite drink at Joe's. 1.2751 0.04300 189 151 24 14
1368 Well, you can always run for president. 1.2751 0.04300 189 151 24 14
1369 A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants? 1.2751 0.04099 189 148 30 11
1370 First shake is on us, Mr. President 1.2751 0.04167 189 149 28 12
1371 We're all out of spritzer. 1.2751 0.04030 189 147 32 10
1372 When is this fucking acid going to wear off? 1.2751 0.04300 189 151 24 14
1373 Sorry, I'm still going to need to see a photo ID.... 1.2737 0.03941 190 147 34 9
1374 Aren't you late for the inauguration? 1.2737 0.04011 190 148 32 10
1375 Happy hours not till 5:00 o'clock. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
1376 I'm going to need some sort of ID. 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
1377 I'm sure you'll land back on your big red feet. 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
1378 Well, I heard Donald Trump is hiring 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
1379 This isn't a good humor bar. 1.2727 0.04326 187 150 23 14
1380 You'd better be a clown. We don't serve mimes. 1.2727 0.04326 187 150 23 14
1381 Don't take it from me, but I heard there is still an opening at State. 1.2727 0.04122 187 147 29 11
1382 Why would I know your name? You're just some Bozo. 1.2727 0.03757 187 142 39 6
1383 I know you're the president, but we don't serve clowns. 1.2727 0.04457 187 152 19 16
1384 No I don't want to buy a circus. 1.2727 0.04259 187 149 25 13
1385 Everybody loves a clown. Every clown loves a double bourbon and soda. 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
1386 Cheer up, it will be over in 4 years 1.2727 0.03907 187 144 35 8
1387 There's always one clown sitting around waiting for Happy Hour to start. 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
1388 So your agent booked you for the inauguration? 1.2727 0.04122 187 147 29 11
1389 Yeah, Cirque du Soleil's killing us all. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
1390 Sorry, bud, happy hour just ended. 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
1391 Yeah sure, you're the first clown who ever said, play it again, Sam. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
1392 Cup of water or cup of shredded paper? 1.2727 0.03833 187 143 37 7
1393 I'm not hiring, but Trump Tower is just down the street. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
1394 Sorry, it's not that kind of happy hour. 1.2727 0.03907 187 144 35 8
1395 I'd like you to leave. It's time for happy hour. 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
1396 We really miss the elephants too. 1.2727 0.04051 187 146 31 10
1397 Can I see your id? 1.2727 0.04392 187 151 21 15
1398 I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing with you. 1.2727 0.03980 187 145 33 9
1399 Who would have guessed the President would take your job? 1.2727 0.04191 187 148 27 12
1400 You guys should consider a few more designated drivers rather than all piling into one vehicle. 1.2713 0.04239 188 150 25 13
1401 No, there are no free drinks for new cabinet members. 1.2713 0.04305 188 151 23 14
1402 Three bottles of seltzer is the limit. 1.2713 0.03815 188 144 37 7
1403 You’re too late for happy hour.” 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1404 We don't serve gin and comic here. 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1405 You're just in time for Unhappy Hour. 1.2713 0.04102 188 148 29 11
1406 That's not what we mean by "Happy Hour." 1.2713 0.04032 188 147 31 10
1407 Don't look so sad...One of you is our new leader. 1.2713 0.04562 188 155 15 18
1408 I'm sorry, but I need to see ID ...whether your wallet fits in your car or not. 1.2713 0.04305 188 151 23 14
1409 I thought you were all sent to the inauguration. 1.2713 0.04239 188 150 25 13
1410 Sorry, pal, you look nothing like your ID. 1.2713 0.03961 188 146 33 9
1411 He's just lonely because there was no room for him in the Volkswagon. 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1412 I suppose you want to talk about the elephant in the room! 1.2713 0.03961 188 146 33 9
1413 On the plus side, after May you can become an advisor to the President. 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1414 What? Not all the clowns can be president. 1.2713 0.04239 188 150 25 13
1415 I will serve you a tonic water, but if I see anything coming out of that flower... 1.2713 0.03740 188 143 39 6
1416 Did you want that seltzer with a lime or squirted in your face? 1.2713 0.03889 188 145 35 8
1417 The end of humor must be rough. But have you considered a career in politics? 1.2713 0.03889 188 145 35 8
1418 Sorry, but my religious beliefs prohibit me from serving anyone who makes animals out of balloons. 1.2713 0.04239 188 150 25 13
1419 Listen pal, for the last time I ain't servin' you beer in a dribble glass. 1.2713 0.04102 188 148 29 11
1420 You actually lost by 3 million votes. 1.2713 0.04436 188 153 19 16
1421 The elephants. I heard. 1.2713 0.04102 188 148 29 11
1422 Well,Your Honor, if it was me, I wouldn't wear it for the swearing in ceremony, but I might wear it to the parties. 1.2713 0.04102 188 148 29 11
1423 Sir, we have a dress code. Are you wearing shoes? 1.2713 0.04239 188 150 25 13
1424 You have to pay your seltzer tab, Harry. 1.2713 0.04032 188 147 31 10
1425 So, you wanted to be a real estate developer but turned out to be a clown....interesting. 1.2713 0.04032 188 147 31 10
1426 Me, scary? Check out the White House clown. 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1427 Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you had to walk into mine. 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1428 Your wife left you? That's rough. At least you have your job at Ringling Bros. Circus. 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
1429 You want to see a real circus, stick around for happy hour. 1.2713 0.04032 188 147 31 10
1430 I haven't seen that bozo in weeks 1.2713 0.04239 188 150 25 13
1431 Day after day, you come in here just to laugh in your beer. 1.2713 0.03961 188 146 33 9
1432 We got happy, sad or psycho. 1.2698 0.04014 189 148 31 10
1433 I just don't see you as a bouncer, but thanks for your interest. 1.2688 0.04054 186 146 30 10
1434 So, that was one whipped cream pie and a coffee, black? 1.2688 0.04125 186 147 28 11
1435 So you're the inauguration entertainment? 1.2688 0.04195 186 148 26 12
1436 .UOY ta 'nikool s'ereH 1.2688 0.04195 186 148 26 12
1437 Cheer up Bozo. I hear Mr. Trump is still looking for people to join his circus. 1.2688 0.04195 186 148 26 12
1438 No, you are not the first clown to say "Play it again." 1.2688 0.04195 186 148 26 12
1439 Come back after 5, it's a 3-ring circus 1.2688 0.04125 186 147 28 11
1440 Sorry, we don't serve minorities. 1.2688 0.04398 186 151 20 15
1441 We get a lot of clowns in here. 1.2688 0.03757 186 142 38 6
1442 Squirting seltzer down your pants is a buck extra. 1.2688 0.04195 186 148 26 12
1443 Well Sir, Hoover liked dressing in women's clothing. 1.2688 0.04054 186 146 30 10
1444 We don't serve bozos. 1.2688 0.03908 186 144 34 8
1445 No stilts, no service. 1.2688 0.03982 186 145 32 9
1446 It's your party, you can cry if you want to. 1.2688 0.04054 186 146 30 10
1447 Your twenty-seven designated drivers are waiting for you. 1.2684 0.04064 190 150 29 11
1448 Business is bad enough without clowns like you hanging around. 1.2684 0.03995 190 149 31 10
1449 Rough day at the big top? 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1450 .srekoj evres t'nod eW 1.2663 0.04426 184 150 19 15
1451 She said thanks, but she's looking for more than a few laughs. 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1452 Sorry, ten little umbrellas is the limit 1.2663 0.04003 184 144 31 9
1453 First Happy Hour? 1.2663 0.04003 184 144 31 9
1454 Don't bother, he's here. 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
1455 Can I see some ID. 1.2663 0.04289 184 148 23 13
1456 Remember my sixth birthday party? The balloon dog you made me died the next day. 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1457 Haven't you heard? Happy hour's been repealed. 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1458 What makes you think you'd be a good soda jerk? 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1459 Yes, I am Sam but I don't serve green eggs and ham. 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
1460 Sorry, but we do not serve the current White House incumbent or anyone who looks like him! 1.2663 0.04426 184 150 19 15
1461 Whiskey Sour, hold the whiskey? 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1462 Nope, I can't play it again. 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1463 Sorry, no funny business. 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1464 Having the unusual? 1.2663 0.04289 184 148 23 13
1465 No priest, no rabbi, no service. 1.2663 0.04426 184 150 19 15
1466 I hate ta ask ya this, but can ya show me yer hands? 1.2663 0.04492 184 151 17 16
1467 I hear ya buddy...I used to be a mime. 1.2663 0.04003 184 144 31 9
1468 One "Barnum & Bailey" on the rocks, comin up. 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1469 What'd mean Trump wouldn't hire ya? Your perfect! 1.2663 0.04426 184 150 19 15
1470 Yes, I do believe you are a banker but balloon payments are not accepted here. 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1471 God, another Trump voter? 1.2663 0.04426 184 150 19 15
1472 ? k n i r D 1.2663 0.04289 184 148 23 13
1473 If they let you keep your little car, I hear Uber's hiring. 1.2663 0.04003 184 144 31 9
1474 Don't look so glum. There's a new circus starting down in DC. You could be Secretary of State! 1.2663 0.04289 184 148 23 13
1475 No, Man. I feel compassion. You did everything in your power to not get elected. 1.2663 0.04358 184 149 21 14
1476 Let me guess, you brought your own seltzer. 1.2663 0.04492 184 151 17 16
1477 Did you say " hit me " ? 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1478 No, we don't need a political consultant. 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1479 What can I get you? You seem down at the mouth. 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
1480 'Ringling brothers closed and I didn't get a cabinet appointment." 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1481 I can imagine it sucks being the 11th one in a 10 person VW. 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1482 I was never sent in either. Look at me now. 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1483 I'm sure it has been a rough first week. What'll you have, Mr. President? 1.2663 0.04289 184 148 23 13
1484 How long have you been in politics? 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1485 Yuengling or Ringling? 1.2663 0.04003 184 144 31 9
1486 I couldn't pass the bar... 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1487 So are you a real clown or just a guy in a clown outfit? 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1488 Laid off? At least they gave the elephants notice. 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1489 Will it be the usual, Donald? 1.2663 0.04289 184 148 23 13
1490 Let me get this straight...you returned from the bathroom only find that your 19 friends already left in their car and stuck you with the bill. Looks like the jokes on you. 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1491 Nothing sadder than the beers of a clown...and there's no one around. 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
1492 Did your inauguration act go well? 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
1493 Don't just sit there, make me laugh. 1.2663 0.04149 184 146 27 11
1494 Sorry...but they are taking applications up at The Tower!" 1.2649 0.04337 185 150 21 14
1495 No, I don't think it tastes funny. 1.2649 0.03833 185 143 35 7
1496 Then you should wear a disguise, Mr. Trump. 1.2649 0.04470 185 152 17 16
1497 I'm not sure that counts as "profiling." 1.2649 0.03833 185 143 35 7
1498 Funny you should say that. 1.2623 0.03610 183 139 40 4
1499 I'll get an Uber for you and 20 of your friends. 1.2623 0.03929 183 143 32 8
1500 No need to show ID, Mr. Trump. 1.2623 0.04499 183 151 16 16
1501 Let me guess.....Nobody Laughed? 1.2623 0.03773 183 141 36 6
1502 Now that the circus has moved to DC, which cabinet post are you up for? 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
1503 Are you one of the Deplorables? 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1504 It's not funny any more. 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1505 What's your pleasure, Mr. President? 1.2623 0.04499 183 151 16 16
1506 Hey Buddy, why the wide face? 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1507 Sure, a guy can drink a cosmopolitan without looking silly. 1.2623 0.03773 183 141 36 6
1508 Sorry, no discounts for Trump's staff. 1.2623 0.04223 183 147 24 12
1509 Another seltzer? 1.2623 0.03929 183 143 32 8
1510 Give me your keys, and the keys of the other ten guys in your car. 1.2623 0.03929 183 143 32 8
1511 Sorry, I'm all out of laughs. 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
1512 Oh, don't worry, Mr. President. Your secret's safe with me. 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
1513 Got a photo ID? 1.2623 0.04223 183 147 24 12
1514 My boss says I can't serve anyone with a red nose. 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1515 I am more sorry than you could possibly know about Ringling Brothers, but the beer is still $3! 1.2623 0.04223 183 147 24 12
1516 If it starts with a Rabbi, a Priest, or a Lawyer then I've already heard it. 1.2623 0.03852 183 142 34 7
1517 Hey Bud! Why look so glum? I bet you have a great future with the new administration!!! 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1518 You've had enough; you're starting to look a little goofy. 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1519 Usually, it's a three ring circus in here. 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1520 The White House is two blocks down. What position did you say he appointed you too? 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1521 Happy hour doesn't start until 4 PM. 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1522 Straight, on the rocks, or to the face from a bucket that may or may not contain confetti? 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1523 For just once, could you put on a happy face? 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1524 Look, I've told you a hundred times! We don't serve clowns like you! 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1525 Apropos disguise Mr. President. 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
1526 They're saying the circus elephants have moved into the West Wing. 1.2623 0.03929 183 143 32 8
1527 They still recognize you, Norm. 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1528 Oh I'm sorry, I thought they were only retiring the animals. 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1529 We have a strict policy against serving Bozos. 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1530 Huh. This place is usually packed after your car pulls up. 1.2623 0.03773 183 141 36 6
1531 Boston Cream.... sure. Would you like that in your face? 1.2623 0.03929 183 143 32 8
1532 Ever consider working in the White House? 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1533 Seltzer water? Why do you ask? 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1534 No, I'm not surprised. The last clown I had in here was up for a cabinet position as well. 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1535 So, only one of you in that Uber ? 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
1536 You just missed him. He's in Washington, D.C. now. 1.2623 0.04223 183 147 24 12
1537 No funny business please 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1538 Seriously..... I thought you were a shoo-in for the cabinet job! 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1539 It took toll on all of us, I had a mullet before the election. 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1540 We don't serve your type. Try the White House. 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
1541 The Donald Trump rally is 6 blocks South of here. 1.2623 0.04223 183 147 24 12
1542 What'll you have, Mr. Trump? 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
1543 Sorry, it's only a circus in here on weekends. 1.2623 0.03929 183 143 32 8
1544 The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid 1.2623 0.04005 183 144 30 9
1545 #Sad! 1.2623 0.04079 183 145 28 10
1546 You're outta luck buddy. We don't do pro Bozo work here. 1.2623 0.04432 183 150 18 15
1547 What do you want with that banana peel? 1.2616 0.03834 172 132 35 5
1548 I'll get you the drink, but I'm going to have to hold the seltzer. 1.2609 0.03985 184 145 30 9
1549 Sorry, we don't accept Master Clown. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
1550 I'm sorry we can't acommadate a party of twenty. But you can park your car and send them in ten at a time. 1.2597 0.04320 181 147 21 13
1551 ...and then they all left, and got into a car. A real little car. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1552 You look like Sparky, but I need to see some ID, sir. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
1553 I need a jerk, not a clown. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
1554 Sorry, ten minutes until Crying On The Inside Hour. 1.2597 0.03870 181 141 33 7
1555 I'm afraid I have to tell you the Ringling Brothers tab has been closed... 1.2597 0.03790 181 140 35 6
1556 Have you tried Yuengling Brothers? 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1557 Don't worry, if the inauguration committee calls, I'll tell them you're not here. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1558 I'm sorry,. happy hour is over... 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1559 Can I get a Clown Royal on the rocks? 1.2597 0.03870 181 141 33 7
1560 The Rabbi and the Priest are running late, so the joke is delayed. 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1561 For the last time, we're out of seltzer. 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1562 Last call for seltzer. 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1563 Beat it, clown, and don't come back without a priest and a rabbi. Nothing frustrates the customers more than an incomplete premise. 1.2597 0.04320 181 147 21 13
1564 Stop clowning around. It isn't very Presidential. 1.2597 0.04320 181 147 21 13
1565 You want a beer that tastes funny? 1.2597 0.03949 181 142 31 8
1566 Uh...this is happy hour. 1.2597 0.03949 181 142 31 8
1567 Sam, play Send In The Clowns again 1.2597 0.03870 181 141 33 7
1568 What can I serve you, Mr President? 1.2597 0.04460 181 149 17 15
1569 I'm all out of seltzer, too. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1570 Of all the gin joints and all the clowns in all the world, he walks into mine. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1571 Reality is the new funny. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1572 The alternative fact is that the circus has still closed. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
1573 How about a stiff one? Your job just got a lot harder. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1574 You just missed your friends. They all jumped into a Mini Cooper and left not ten minutes ago. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1575 A philosophy major? Sure, I have an opening for you. 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1576 I'll need to see some proof of age. 1.2597 0.04320 181 147 21 13
1577 That shirt, those shoes -- no service. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1578 Oh, sorry sir, I don't know what made me think you were a clown. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1579 Aw, whatsa matter, your guy hasn't made America great yet? 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
1580 Some clown painted my name backwards. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1581 Seltzer refills? I'm not falling for that one again. 1.2597 0.03949 181 142 31 8
1582 Yeah, I'm a jerk, you're a clown--yadda, yadda.... 1.2597 0.03790 181 140 35 6
1583 Sorry, Happy Hour ended at 6:00. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1584 Once Barnum and Bailey's closes, you can cash on your degree from Trump University. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
1585 She just left. She said the guy she was dating was a real clown and she couldn't take it anymore. 1.2597 0.03870 181 141 33 7
1586 Your drinking buddies are all cabinet members now 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1587 I guess you didn't see the sign that says: HAPPY HOUR? 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1588 Silly shirt, giant shoes, no service. 1.2597 0.04026 181 143 29 9
1589 Sorry, super-happy hour is over. 1.2597 0.03949 181 142 31 8
1590 First they got rid of the elephants, now the clowns. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1591 Sorry, we're all out of dignity. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
1592 I don't care if you know Judy Collins, you can't come in. 1.2570 0.03968 179 141 30 8
1593 Ever feel like your life is just a joke? 1.2570 0.04124 179 143 26 10
1594 No, I think you're right—you can't compete with him. 1.2570 0.04124 179 143 26 10
1595 The usual - a shot of whiskey with a cream pie chaser? 1.2570 0.04124 179 143 26 10
1596 Did you expect the president to save the circus? 1.2570 0.04488 179 148 16 15
1597 We don't have a happy hour. 1.2570 0.04124 179 143 26 10
1598 I know you're in over your head, Mr. Trump. But they're going to find you eventually. 1.2570 0.04346 179 146 20 13
1599 Yes this would be a dress code violation. 1.2570 0.03889 179 140 32 7
1600 There's a very, very huge opportunity in the political circus. 1.2570 0.04199 179 144 24 11
1601 You've got something on your nose. 1.2570 0.03968 179 141 30 8
1602 Hard week on Twitter? 1.2570 0.04047 179 142 28 9
1603 And what about the 17 still in the car? 1.2570 0.03889 179 140 32 7
1604 You're scaring my customers. 1.2570 0.04047 179 142 28 9
1605 There's always birthday parties. 1.2570 0.03968 179 141 30 8
1606 I'm sorry sir, we do not stock Clown Royal. 1.2570 0.04199 179 144 24 11
1607 I had to call the cops on some bozo just last week. 1.2570 0.04199 179 144 24 11
1608 So a clown walks into a bar... 1.2570 0.03724 179 138 36 5
1609 I know you wanted to be secretary of housing and urban development. Sadly, Mr. Trump was able to find a less qualified candidate. 1.2570 0.04273 179 145 22 12
1610 Barnum on the rocks? 1.2570 0.04124 179 143 26 10
1611 You want whipped cream with that? 1.2570 0.03968 179 141 30 8
1612 Yes, somedays I do feel a little creepy. How about you? 1.2570 0.03724 179 138 36 5
1613 No, we do not carry the brand 'Clown Royal'. 1.2570 0.03807 179 139 34 6
1614 No, they walked into the bar yesterday 1.2570 0.04047 179 142 28 9
1615 Nine for lunch, the others are just parking the car. 1.2570 0.04199 179 144 24 11
1616 You left the White House after just three weeks? 1.2570 0.04418 179 147 18 14
1617 I hear it's no circus for you. 1.2570 0.04047 179 142 28 9
1618 Wait, I've heard this one before. 1.2570 0.04047 179 142 28 9
1619 Tell me if you've heard this one. 1.2556 0.04027 180 143 28 9
1620 Sorry, we don't need any help. But with your qualifications, you could always run for office. 1.2556 0.04324 180 147 20 13
1621 Happy Hour is not automatic just because you're here. 1.2556 0.04103 180 144 26 10
1622 What's your pleasure? 1.2556 0.04252 180 146 22 12
1623 Sorry, we don't have happy meals. 1.2541 0.04157 181 146 24 11
1624 Did you mean that funny-peculiar or funny-ha-ha? 1.2541 0.03851 181 142 32 7
1625 Sorry. Bring in the clowns is just a song. 1.2541 0.03851 181 142 32 7
1626 Can I see some i.d. please? 1.2541 0.04231 181 147 22 12
1627 We stopped doing happy hours ago 1.2541 0.04231 181 147 22 12
1628 Promoted! Big shoes to fill! 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1629 Orange with white eye rings, wild comb-over, long tie, disproportionate extremity size? Been a rash of clown sightings lately, Patches, but you're still my favorite. 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1630 Been to the inauguration? 1.2528 0.04202 178 144 23 11
1631 Really? I'd have thought job fairs in your field would be hilarious. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1632 This one's on the tent. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1633 The other thirty parking the car? 1.2528 0.03969 178 141 29 8
1634 Congratulations on your Cabinet confirmation! Drinks are on the House. 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1635 Let me remind you the Constitution says there can be only one clown at a time. 1.2528 0.04202 178 144 23 11
1636 Yea, I remember the good old days when clowns were funny. 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1637 Well, I hear they're hiring down in Washington. 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1638 You just missed happy hour, pal. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1639 It's been kind of a circus in here too. 1.2528 0.03635 178 137 37 4
1640 Joking or non-joking? 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1641 Quit clowning around and show me some ID 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1642 So this clown walks into a bar . . . 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1643 Hey don't worry, it's in good hands. Congress is working on the Affordable Clown Act. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1644 A glass of seltzer water? You must think I was born yesterday. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1645 Sorry but we don't hire clowns -- why don't you run for president? 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1646 Sorry, Buttons. You're cut off until your seltzer tab is paid. 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1647 So how is your Confermation Hearing going? 1.2528 0.04202 178 144 23 11
1648 A clown walks into a bar? I thought that was only a myth. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1649 Do you have experience with any beverages besides seltzer? 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1650 I don't take funny money. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1651 Just when I start opening doors, they send YOU in. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1652 Laughter is not always the best medicine. 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1653 These days people have short attention spans. We only have happy minute now. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1654 Yeah, I did come across a little umbrella, but I put it in a Mai Tai a couple of hours ago. 1.2528 0.03969 178 141 29 8
1655 Maybe it was the joke about "tiny hands and tiny crowds" that got you fired from Trump's birthday party? 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1656 You know they can't ask everyone to perform at the inauguration. 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1657 So you ran away and joined the circus. What happened after that? 1.2528 0.03721 178 138 35 5
1658 My life is a joke. 1.2528 0.03635 178 137 37 4
1659 Rough day at the circus? 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1660 Are you new to the D.C. area? 1.2528 0.04350 178 146 19 13
1661 I'm sorry, but the management has decided that New York City can only serve one clown at a time. 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1662 No need to dress up. We get it, Mr. President. 1.2528 0.04564 178 149 13 16
1663 Did that last drink taste funny to you? 1.2528 0.03721 178 138 35 5
1664 We're all going to miss the elephants. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1665 Like I said — yes, we can host private events, but our limit is 70 guests and I don’t care how many you think might fit. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1666 The fat lady has sung. 1.2528 0.04202 178 144 23 11
1667 You're just in time for Unhappy Hour. 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1668 You wouldn't believe how many of your kind we can fit in here. 1.2528 0.03969 178 141 29 8
1669 Congratulations on being nominated for Secretary of Education—first round's on the house! 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1670 A priest and a rabbi, you say? Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1671 You can order a tiny Sidecar, but no sharing! 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1672 Those shoes,no service. 1.2528 0.03721 178 138 35 5
1673 Mrs. Twinkles just called, she said the car's making funny noises again. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
1674 We're hiring a soda jerk, not a soda clown. 1.2528 0.04202 178 144 23 11
1675 Thought you'd be in D.C.? 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1676 What can I get for you, Mr. Trump? 1.2528 0.04423 178 147 17 14
1677 Have you heard the one about the circus leaving town? 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1678 You look like you could use two scoops! 1.2528 0.04048 178 142 27 9
1679 Guess none of you guys ever ran before. 1.2528 0.04277 178 145 21 12
1680 No Happy Hour for you until you turn that frown upside down. 1.2514 0.04028 179 143 27 9
1681 He's Giving Clowns a Bad Name. 1.2514 0.04255 179 146 21 12
1682 Why do you think you are not qualified to become president? 1.2514 0.04028 179 143 27 9
1683 One for the road, Mr President 1.2514 0.04471 179 149 15 15
1684 Of all people to ruin happy hour! 1.2514 0.03949 179 142 29 8
1685 Who are you calling a jerk, clown? 1.2514 0.03787 179 140 33 6
1686 Happy Hour has been repealed. 1.2514 0.03949 179 142 29 8
1687 I hear you buddy, but remember, only fools fall in love. 1.2500 0.03736 176 137 34 5
1688 Before I can serve you I need to ask if you're crying on the inside 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1689 I don't care if you're old enough to drink, this photo ID looks nothing like you. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1690 Don't be glum. Whenever a circus closes down, a cubicle opens up. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1691 Congratulations,on your position in the new Administration. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1692 Hold the seltzer? 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1693 You MIGHT get confirmed, but those senators can be tough. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1694 He adopted your clown act, maybe you should adopt his president act? 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1695 Happy hour? Never heard of it. 1.2500 0.04148 176 142 24 10
1696 Don't blame the elephants, you weren't that funny anyway. 1.2500 0.04148 176 142 24 10
1697 Look, I believe you could do it. I'm just telling you the fire marshal says we can't have more than 40 people in here. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1698 Your kidding, they outsourced your job! 1.2500 0.04148 176 142 24 10
1699 A Bailey's on the rocks? 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1700 ID? 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1701 You're a bit late, I 86'd the priest and the rabbi about an hour ago. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1702 Something light and hoppy with a rounded nose? 1.2500 0.04148 176 142 24 10
1703 Tough day, Senator? 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1704 New clown in town getting you down? 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1705 So a clown walks into a bar... 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1706 What is your pleasure now that the circus has moved to Washington? 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1707 You've been upstaged. 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1708 So, seltzer in a bottle. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1709 Happy hour doesn't start until 5. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1710 For the last time, no, we don't serve pie. 1.2500 0.03822 176 138 32 6
1711 You don't really understand the point of "happy hour", do you? 1.2500 0.03736 176 137 34 5
1712 I understand, my wife tells me I'm a clown too. 1.2500 0.03822 176 138 32 6
1713 Dour Hour starts in five minutes. 1.2500 0.03822 176 138 32 6
1714 For the last time, we're out of seltzer. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1715 Sam I am. And I do not like clowns in a pub or in a club. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1716 I know who you are. You're one of the new Cabinet members. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1717 Sorry. Your photo ID looks faked. 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1718 Sorry, You just missed Sad Hour! 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1719 Sorry, bud, things just aren't funny anymore 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1720 Do you want that with seltzer? 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1721 Well, until you walked in, my friend, it WAS Happy Hour. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1722 Do you want a Ringling, a Barnum, or a Bailey? 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1723 The 32 other clowns got into the car and left ten minutes ago. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1724 'Post-irony hour' does have a certain ring to it. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1725 "Where are your buddies, the priest and the rabbi? 1.2500 0.03822 176 138 32 6
1726 I'm not sure if that's what they mean by "anonymous" at those meetings. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1727 You want a Trump wine? How about, "The media doesn't like me, wah, wah, wah. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1728 So, any idea why the mortuary let you go ? 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1729 23 burgers for one car? 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1730 We're out of seltzer 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1731 I told you absinthe doesn't make it grow fonder. 1.2500 0.04377 176 145 18 13
1732 I am gonna have to see some ID 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1733 Do you like Green eggs and ham? 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1734 If Ringling Bros. doesn't work out there may be an opening in the Trump administration. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1735 You've had too much to drink to drive your thirty friends home in that tiny car. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1736 Bozo just left, but the President is still here. 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1737 No. Trump Tower is three blocks over. 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1738 yeah, we serve clowns, just not your kind of clown. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1739 Take out for how many in the car? 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1740 'Boozo The Clown' 1.2500 0.04302 176 144 20 12
1741 You know, if it weren't for the flower, you would look just like the President of the United States. 1.2500 0.04377 176 145 18 13
1742 So how did they export the clown jobs? 1.2500 0.04226 176 143 22 11
1743 I think you should run for office. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1744 Listen clown, I'm no jerk. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1745 Wait, I thought the clown was in the White House. 1.2500 0.04377 176 145 18 13
1746 Missed the Inaugural Parade, eh? 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
1747 I wasn't picked for the President's cabinet either. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1748 I haven't laughed since the election 1.2486 0.04127 177 143 24 10
1749 All out of seltzer, but I do have the less funny Perrier. 1.2486 0.03887 177 140 30 7
1750 So how'd he take it when you dropped out of the Inauguration Ball? 1.2471 0.04478 174 145 15 14
1751 You were not what I had in mind when I advertised for help at happy hour. 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1752 So which fake media outlet did you come from? 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1753 Sorry, I turned down two Ringling Bros. clowns just last week. I hear there are plenty of opportunities in Washington. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1754 Happy Meal? Not here, buddy. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1755 That would depend on the size of the balloon. 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1756 Actually, I think you have a GREAT shot at becoming commander-in-chief! 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1757 I can pour the seltzer in a glass and hand it to you, but I can't put it in a bottle and spray you in the face with it. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1758 Sorry...Happy Hour is already over. 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1759 Has anyone every told you that you have "resting disillusioned" face? 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1760 As the clown continued to the stare at him, Sam couldn't help but wonder if he was staring into the face of the future leader of the free world. #Clown2020 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1761 Oh no--Existentialism is back. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1762 No, I don't have Royal Clown Cola. 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1763 I was going to be able to collect unemployment, but now I have to be President 1.2471 0.04404 174 144 17 13
1764 Sorry, we're all out of seltzer water. 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1765 I'm all out of banana cream pie. 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1766 Not another one of those unemployed clowns! 1.2471 0.04696 174 148 9 17
1767 Yea, I heard the Greatest Show on Earth is closing. Have you thought of politics? 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1768 Have you thought of running for political office? 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1769 Welcome to happy hour 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1770 The last time I hired a clown he ended up at the White House! 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1771 I'm going to have to start charging you for club soda. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1772 My customers aren't really interested in balloon animals. Unless those balloon animals were to start buying rounds. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1773 No, we can't accept balloon animals as payment! 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1774 Couldn't compete with the real thing. Sad! 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1775 The good news? Every other show on earth moves up one spot in the rankings. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1776 Is this some kind of joke? 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1777 The hat and orange hair should be fine, but if you want to run for President you should cut back a little on the makeup. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1778 Even without a glass, we still charge for seltzer water. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1779 You've got that "I made a school go on lockdown today" face again. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1780 Do you have a designated driver for the little car? 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1781 You're the fifth guy from Trump Clown University in this week. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1782 Yes, we do have the beers of a clown. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1783 It's nice to have you with us, Mr. President. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1784 Happy hour is no joke around here. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1785 So you're a clown who's afraid of clowns? 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1786 No, I can't just spray you with the seltzer bottle. 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1787 Ten bucks to park the elephant and you clean up afterwards. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1788 'Send in the clowns'? Really? 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1789 We don't need a Trump impersonator. 1.2471 0.04328 174 143 19 12
1790 Squirt me again and just see what happens. Clown. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1791 You're depressing our happy hour crowd. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1792 Look, if you're going to sit at the counter, you gotta order something besides seltzer. 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1793 So when do you start at the DNC? 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1794 Of all the gin joints in Coney Island you had to walk into mine?! 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1795 Let me guess. You want a wine with a big red nose. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1796 This job is easy; you won't have to jump through any hoops. 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1797 Sorry, but happy hour doesn't start until five. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1798 I played it again already. 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1799 Sorry, we don't serve politicians here. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1800 Decided not to sit out the inauguration, Congressman? 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1801 Another circus on the rocks? 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1802 So you're telling me the Fat Lady got up and really belted one out. 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1803 I think you're dressed perfect for your new job at the White House. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1804 So when did you first suspect Mrs. Bozo had eyes for the Human Cannon Ball? 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1805 We don't carry any imported seltzer 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1806 You're okay but I'm not serving your imaginary friend. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1807 Sorry I'm all out of seltzer. Would you care for some confetti in a bucket? 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1808 Set me up with your best bottle of seltzer and keep them coming. 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1809 DC's gonna be a circus. 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1810 All my customers are nothing but clowns and none of them get free drinks either. 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1811 Just to warn you in advance, I run a serious business. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1812 Finally, a customer that dresses his part. 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1813 You think I'm funny how? 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1814 "It's OK to cry in your beer, everyone else does". 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1815 So you lost your job to a congressman? 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1816 You must be joking! 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1817 I meant I need a "soda jerk." 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1818 Sorry, pal. You just missed Sad Hour. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1819 B&B on the rocks? 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1820 First, promise, no seltzer down my pants. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1821 You're funny how? 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1822 Quit clowning around and order. 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1823 All I'm sayin' is, look on the gloomy side now and then. 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1824 What do you mean my protection money's late? 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1825 Sit a spell. Tell me about the time when kids thought clowns were funny. 1.2471 0.03839 174 137 31 6
1826 What'll it be? A pie in the face or a kick in the butt? 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1827 Happy hour doesn't start until 4 PM. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1828 Let's get this straight. I'm not Sam and you're not Bozo! 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1829 Your buddies out in that tiny car? 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1830 Hey, bozo, you gonna order something? 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1831 Sorry, I can't guarantee an hour of happiness. 1.2471 0.04009 174 139 27 8
1832 Ever get the feeling you've become a cliche'? 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1833 Normally, I'd say no. But if it's just you and a few of your friends in that VW parked outside... 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
1834 I hear there's a gig at the White House. 1.2471 0.04250 174 142 21 11
1835 OK, I'll pour you one, but don't blame me if it tastes funny. 1.2471 0.03570 174 134 37 3
1836 Sir. I knew Chuck Schumer, and you are no Chuck Schumer. 1.2471 0.04171 174 141 23 10
1837 Vodka Soda hold the seltzer? 1.2457 0.03820 175 138 31 6
1838 What do you mean, it tastes funny. 1.2457 0.03733 175 137 33 5
1839 I see you are here for happy hour. 1.2457 0.03820 175 138 31 6
1840 Sorry, we closed Ringling's tab. 1.2457 0.03820 175 138 31 6
1841 No joke, no money, no service 1.2457 0.04150 175 142 23 10
1842 "A clown walks into a bar?" Is that the joke or the punchline? 1.2457 0.04381 175 145 17 13
1843 Sorry, we don't serve political parodies. 1.2457 0.04070 175 141 25 9
1844 No more seltzer. 1.2457 0.03733 175 137 33 5
1845 I served with Barnum and Bailey; you're no Barnum or Bailey 1.2457 0.03988 175 140 27 8
1846 No, I don't need any help here. However, maybe you could run for president. 1.2457 0.04305 175 144 19 12
1847 Yep, the circus is going on down the street in front of the capitol building. If you hurry, you can be part of it. 1.2457 0.04381 175 145 17 13
1848 Are you here for our Happy Hour 1.2457 0.03905 175 139 29 7
1849 You're lucky, nothing grows on mine. 1.2443 0.04283 176 145 19 12
1850 You brought your own seltzer? 1.2443 0.03968 176 141 27 8
1851 I don't care who you are, it's not happy hour. 1.2443 0.03885 176 140 29 7
1852 Beat it. My Happy Hour's happy enough. 1.2443 0.03968 176 141 27 8
1853 One bottle of seltzer, coming up. 1.2443 0.03968 176 141 27 8
1854 Sorry to hear that Barnum and Bsiley is closing down, but cheer up. I hear that Trump is hiring clowns. 1.2428 0.04331 173 143 18 12
1855 Nope; I can still tell it's you, Mr. Cosby. 1.2428 0.04172 173 141 22 10
1856 So what if your father thinks you're a clown? 1.2428 0.03837 173 137 30 6
1857 Happy hour doesn't start for another 45 minutes. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
1858 Too bad the Senate didn't confirm you. How about a beer? 1.2428 0.04172 173 141 22 10
1859 Remind me again what you do for a living? 1.2428 0.03837 173 137 30 6
1860 This has to be a joke. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
1861 You want to go where everyone knows your name, Bozo. 1.2428 0.04172 173 141 22 10
1862 The usual Senator Schumer? 1.2428 0.04407 173 144 16 13
1863 Sorry, happy hour's over. 1.2428 0.04252 173 142 20 11
1864 There's no discount for bringing your own seltzer bottle, Claribel. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
1865 Ethel, your brother is here to see you again. 1.2428 0.04091 173 140 24 9
1866 Yeah, It's Happy Hour. We don't need to make it "Great Again." 1.2428 0.04008 173 139 26 8
1867 Laid off after 146 years - that's rough. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
1868 I'm juggling my options. 1.2428 0.03657 173 135 34 4
1869 Clowns to the left, Jokers to the right; where do your politics lie? 1.2428 0.04091 173 140 24 9
1870 Sorry. No shoes or big shoes, no service. 1.2428 0.04172 173 141 22 10
1871 I hear rodeos are hiring. 1.2428 0.04091 173 140 24 9
1872 I feel like Sam would have said something about a son. 1.2428 0.04172 173 141 22 10
1873 A Bailey's on the rocks? 1.2428 0.04091 173 140 24 9
1874 Too bad about Ringling Brothers! Have you considered a career in politics? America loves scary clowns! 1.2428 0.04172 173 141 22 10
1875 I always thought it was a big waste of seltzer. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
1876 It was the elephants, don't take it personally. 1.2428 0.03837 173 137 30 6
1877 Why so glum? The circus just started. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
1878 Lucille, we can't go on meeting like this. 1.2414 0.04070 174 141 24 9
1879 Turn around. You're double-parked, and all twenty of your buddies are getting tickets. 1.2400 0.04208 175 144 20 11
1880 Preparing for the inauguration? 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1881 I can't hire you- clowns are trending creepy. 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1882 What is this, 'Undercover Boss'? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1883 There is no drink called a Clowney McClowface 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1884 We don't serve Clown Royal. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1885 Look, pal ... it's like I told you, I ain't seen no priest or rabbi. 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1886 So how'd you break your funny bone? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1887 Hey, no political statements allowed in here! 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1888 Out of twenty clowns, you're the designated driver again? 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1889 How do I know this is your ID? 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1890 I heard about Ringling Bros. First one's on me! 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1891 Yes, we're out of seltzer water. Why? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1892 Desert specials today are pie-in-the-face and banana-peel. What'll it be? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1893 I hear the State Department is hiring... 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1894 Pagliacci want a cracker? 1.2398 0.04356 171 142 17 12
1895 Squeaky horn or something stronger? 1.2398 0.03671 171 134 33 4
1896 I'm only allowed to serve the seltzer in a glass, not down your pants. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1897 I don't like this political circus either 1.2398 0.03763 171 135 31 5
1898 Sorry; this happy hour. 1.2398 0.04356 171 142 17 12
1899 Just give me your order and stop clowning around 1.2398 0.03763 171 135 31 5
1900 They told me I had pretty big shoes to fill. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1901 You’re too late for happy hour.” 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1902 When she told me she was screwing a clown I thought she was joking. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1903 I don't care if you're a cabinet nominee, we're closed. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1904 Cheer up. You got 10% of the vote in the battleground states. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1905 Like I said before, no more seltzer for you. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1906 What can I get you, Deputy Secretary? On tap, I have Cabinet Conundrums, Megalomaniac, and Four-Year Inferno. 1.2398 0.04277 171 141 19 11
1907 It's happy hour, not crying on the inside hour. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1908 I already told you--we only have seltzer on draft. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1909 Happy Hour? 1.2398 0.03763 171 135 31 5
1910 You might consider rebranding. 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1911 Sorry, we don't accept funny money. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1912 ...so take your mom's advice bud, don't do what I did. Don't run off and join a diner. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1913 Congratulations on your cabinet appointment! This beer is on the house! 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1914 The inauguration's next week. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1915 I will let you back in this time, but no more clowning around 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1916 Sorry, we don't serve your archetype. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1917 Sorry you didn't get the gig, buddy. The powers-that-be must of decided that one Bozo is enough for the inauguration ceremony. 1.2398 0.04277 171 141 19 11
1918 The blonde, priest, rabbi and dog just left by Uber. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1919 No shirts, no shoes, no squeakers, no service. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1920 I told you to be here during Sad Hour at 3 pm. 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1921 You're a little early for happy-hour... 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1922 I just checked, and no one from last night found a giant squirting bow tie. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1923 Little early for Happy Hour, aren't you Buddy? 1.2398 0.03763 171 135 31 5
1924 I think you'll fit right in at the White House 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1925 You look like I feel. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1926 No, I've never heard every time you hear a bell, you're supposed to give a clown a shot of 18-year Glenfiddich 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1927 Sorry. We no longer have Barnum and Baileys on tap. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
1928 Looks like you decided to make the red nose work for you. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1929 Stop me if you've heard this one, "A clown walks into a bar...." 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1930 So you walked into a bar and . . . 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1931 Sorry buddy, but the disher washer job has already been filled by the elephant. 1.2398 0.04435 171 143 15 13
1932 I'm all outta seltzer, but I do have a 1984 Pellegrino. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1933 Remember you promised me - no funny stuff. 1.2398 0.03671 171 134 33 4
1934 I'm sorry, we're out of seltzer water. Can I interest you in a creme pie? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1935 Better hurry. The Volkswagen is leaving. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1936 I'll serve you a beer, I'll serve you a shot, but you're never getting another seltzer. 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1937 Stop me if you've heard this one. 1.2398 0.03671 171 134 33 4
1938 Welcome to the Cabinet. 1.2398 0.04277 171 141 19 11
1939 no, I will not smell your flower 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1940 Got it, anything but seltzer. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1941 Donald, I see you're still in the same line of work! 1.2398 0.04435 171 143 15 13
1942 It has been a tough year for clowns, except for that one who got into the White House. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1943 Today's Special: Banana Cream Pie. 1.2398 0.03671 171 134 33 4
1944 Times change. The circus is now on Twitter. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1945 OK, OK, Arvin, the circus closed, but you can always go back into Politics. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1946 You might not like to hear this. But if the shoe fits, wear it. 1.2398 0.04113 171 139 23 9
1947 There's always the rodeo. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1948 Sorry. We're no longer offering the sad clown discount. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1949 Now that Ringling Bros. is shutting dowm, you'll just have to find a job in Washington. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
1950 I can't serve Trump voters. 1.2398 0.04195 171 140 21 10
1951 Nothing sadder than a sober clown. 1.2384 0.03921 172 138 27 7
1952 You won't get served here until you turn that frown upside down. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1953 I think you've had a few too many, Bozo...let me call you a clown car. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1954 You some kind of comedian? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1955 You can't miss it. It has a big white doom. And there will others like yourself there. 1.2367 0.04301 169 140 18 11
1956 Seriously? You are running away from the circus to live on a Midwest farm? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1957 So you want fifteen beers as soon as the rest of the clowns get out of the car. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1958 The Crazy Clown Club has moved to DC. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1959 You think you're funny, don't ya? 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1960 Sorry, happy hour doesn't start until 5 o'clock. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1961 We don't serve clowns - ex-circus, creepy or otherwise. Try the Capitol. 1.2367 0.04301 169 140 18 11
1962 Bad day to join the circus? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1963 Things will be looking up for you after January 20th. 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
1964 The usual, Boozo? 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1965 It used to be a circus in here. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1966 Pie and seltzer, in the face -- anything else I can do ya? 1.2367 0.03488 169 131 36 2
1967 Happiness here, buddy, comes at a price. 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1968 Are you being serious? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1969 I can't serve you, you make the other customers feel funny. 1.2367 0.03684 169 133 32 4
1970 Later tonight, this place will be a real circus! 1.2367 0.03684 169 133 32 4
1971 I'll give you the seltzer, you can do what you want with it. 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1972 With your skills why not try Washington D.C.? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1973 Give me a song, give me a dance then I'll put seltzer down your pants. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1974 Sorry, Bob. You just missed happy hour. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1975 No, Stephen Sondheim certainly did _not_ send you. 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
1976 No, you're not the President of the United States, you're a clown. 1.2367 0.04383 169 141 16 12
1977 I could use a soda jerk. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1978 Can I see an ID? 1.2367 0.04219 169 139 20 10
1979 If I see you pulling out a seltzer bottle, you better be freshening your drink, hear me? 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1980 O.K., deal. You settle your tab and I don't show at your confirmation hearings. 1.2367 0.03778 169 134 30 5
1981 A seltzer water and one whole creme pie ... 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1982 You could always tell Donald "no." And even if the Senate does confirm you, you can still make people laugh. Scalia did all the time. 1.2367 0.04301 169 140 18 11
1983 I'm sorry, we're all out of Clown Royal. 1.2367 0.04219 169 139 20 10
1984 I see you're upset. I think. 1.2367 0.03684 169 133 32 4
1985 Yep, long time. So how's mom? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1986 I need to see more than a clown car license. 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
1987 A clown walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'So why the long face?' 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1988 Sam? So you really did join the circus. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1989 I've seen you're type before. You can start part time, but any funny business and you're out. 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1990 Sorry, I need to hire a soda jerk , a soda clown isn't what I need . 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
1991 Another one? One of those 14 guys in that car of yours better be the designated driver. 1.2367 0.03488 169 131 36 2
1992 Seltzer, sure. How about a glass this time, okay, buddy? 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
1993 Well now that Ringling Brothers is out of business, you could always get a job with the Trump administration! 1.2367 0.04301 169 140 18 11
1994 Only if you can drink it out of your hat. 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
1995 You can't come in here all seltzered up and acting like a clown and ask for a job. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1996 Sorry, not all cabinet nominees get confirmed. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1997 You might as well have another beer pal...I just heard on the news all His Cabinet posts are filled. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
1998 Oh man, not this clown again. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
1999 Sorry. No absurdly oversized shoes, no squirting boutonniere, no service. 1.2367 0.04219 169 139 20 10
2000 You'll have the unusual? 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
2001 So being shot from a cannon was the high point of the week eh? 1.2367 0.04219 169 139 20 10
2002 You know, if it weren't for your drinking problem, you could become president. 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
2003 If it makes you feel better, a few people have started calling last night 'The Greatest Show on Earth' 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
2004 Sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh about it. 1.2367 0.03778 169 134 30 5
2005 'I'll have a whiskey and a glass of water for my hat." 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
2006 Bubble gum, vodka and cotton candy on the rocks, you got it. 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
2007 Sorry Mr. Trump. We don't serve clowns here. 1.2367 0.04301 169 140 18 11
2008 My life is a joke. 1.2353 0.03940 170 137 26 7
2009 It's Happy Hour, Beppo! Sad Hour isn't til midnight! 1.2353 0.03940 170 137 26 7
2010 Sorry, we don't serve sad-faced clowns during happy hour! 1.2353 0.04359 170 142 16 12
2011 Well - we do pay more than peanuts. 1.2353 0.03940 170 137 26 7
2012 Sorry, we don't serve your type of humor. 1.2353 0.03940 170 137 26 7
2013 All the good circuses are moving over seas 1.2353 0.04196 170 140 20 10
2014 Sorry, we reserve the right to refuse funny business. 1.2353 0.04027 170 138 24 8
2015 Hi, Chuck, on your way to the inauguration? 1.2353 0.04196 170 140 20 10
2016 Now that the circus closed, maybe I'll apply at the White House. 1.2353 0.04112 170 139 22 9
2017 Closed after 146 years. Tough break. How about a squirt of seltzer, on the house? 1.2353 0.03759 170 135 30 5
2018 No, you can't take your vote back. 1.2353 0.04112 170 139 22 9
2019 Squirt me with that daisy and I'll hose you with seltzer. 1.2353 0.04027 170 138 24 8
2020 Happy hour isn't 'til 5 o'clock. 1.2353 0.04112 170 139 22 9
2021 Welcome to S'MAS. I am S'mas. 1.2353 0.04438 170 143 14 13
2022 No more circus no more credit. 1.2353 0.04112 170 139 22 9
2023 If that flower squirts me you are outta here. 1.2339 0.03830 171 137 28 6
2024 There's no way you can compete with the scary clown in the White House. 1.2339 0.03919 171 138 26 7
2025 What ale's you? 1.2339 0.04174 171 141 20 10
2026 I've already heard this one. 1.2339 0.04091 171 140 22 9
2027 I'm afraid I can't seat you until your entire party arrives. 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
2028 Last one to blink drinks. 1.2321 0.04385 168 141 15 12
2029 Another seltzer, Mr. President? 1.2321 0.04134 168 138 21 9
2030 Now who's the jerk? 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
2031 I really don't think 'creepy hour' would be an effective promotion, but thanks anyway. 1.2321 0.03678 168 133 31 4
2032 You doing the innaugaration? 1.2321 0.04303 168 140 17 11
2033 The White House?, just take a right down the street, go five blocks and turn left on Pennsylvania Ave, Mr. President. 1.2321 0.04303 168 140 17 11
2034 The circus closed, and I'm sad, but I'm going to make America laugh again. 1.2321 0.04134 168 138 21 9
2035 Yes, Mr. President? 1.2321 0.04385 168 141 15 12
2036 Oh well 146 years that's a pretty good run. 1.2321 0.04219 168 139 19 10
2037 Just because you're the president now doesn't mean you get a free soda. 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
2038 Don't worry, Mr. Trump. Your secret is safe with me. 1.2321 0.04303 168 140 17 11
2039 The Trump victory party is tonight at 8 o'clock, Mr. Roberts. 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
2040 I'm serious: No funny business in this bar. 1.2321 0.03773 168 134 29 5
2041 Sorry! No discounts for members of the presidential inaugural committee. 1.2321 0.04047 168 137 23 8
2042 Orange sherbet, as usual, Mr. President?" 1.2321 0.04134 168 138 21 9
2043 What, you're the only one Trump didn't offer a cabinet position? 1.2321 0.04545 168 143 11 14
2044 Many other voters feel the same 1.2321 0.03867 168 135 27 6
2045 We don't serve politicians here. 1.2321 0.04047 168 137 23 8
2046 Well Donald, how's the president gig working out? 1.2321 0.04466 168 142 13 13
2047 Face it. It is your circus. Those are your monkeys. 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
2048 Oh, sorry, I thought you knew the circus was closing. 1.2308 0.03846 169 136 27 6
2049 Hey Joe, looks who's back, the guy who always complains his drink tastes funny. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2050 Wrong place. The DNC is next door. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2051 The other 12 clowns in the car got mad at you! 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2052 The World Economic Forum is that way. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2053 I got the whiskey if you got the seltzer. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2054 Is it Casual Friday already? 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2055 Sorry buddy, we don't serve presidents here. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2056 They're craft. They all kinda have a funny taste. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2057 So you're here for Fashion Week. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2058 Look, why don't you hand me your keys, and I'll call a comically tiny cab for you and your 27 buddies. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2059 Come back to work, Sam. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2060 Ringling Bros. may not need you anymore, but we'll always need new politicians. 1.2289 0.03690 166 132 30 4
2061 I'm sorry, we don't hire Bozos like you. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2062 Nice hat, Mr. President. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2063 Sorry, no carry outs. You'll just have to invite the other 27 guys in the car to join you. 1.2289 0.04328 166 139 16 11
2064 That's not funny 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2065 Not my circus, not my clowns 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2066 I think it's time to get serious about your drinking problem. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2067 Besides dispensing seltzer, do you have any other experience? 1.2289 0.03690 166 132 30 4
2068 No, the drinks aren't cheaper if you want to use your own seltzer water. 1.2289 0.03788 166 133 28 5
2069 Alone or are your other ten colleagues still in the car looking for parking? 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2070 You want peanuts with that? 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2071 The last clown I hired ran me out of seltzer. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2072 If I were the only act to show up to the Trump Inauguration-I'd want to go on a bender too. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2073 I suppose you think this is funny. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2074 Why the glum face? One of your people is president. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2075 I know how this works, I comp one drink and pretty soon there's five dozen more of you. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2076 Our Inauguration Special is on the bitter side. I think you'll like it. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2077 Is this a political statement? 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2078 I heard they closed you guys down, try Washington, DC. 1.2289 0.04328 166 139 16 11
2079 We don't have "Clown Royale". How about a Ringling Lager? 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2080 Too bad Bozo, you're act's no match for the one at the White House. 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2081 I'm sorry, there has to be at least three of you walking into my bar. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2082 I guess I don't have to ask where you've been all these years. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2083 Isn't it rich? who sent you in? 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2084 No balloon animals, no beer! 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2085 Tough night, lurking in the woods? 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2086 If you can juggle, it's on the house. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2087 Wait, I think I've heard this one before. 1.2289 0.03590 166 131 32 3
2088 You'll learn. It's basically sweep, lights out, close. 1.2289 0.03590 166 131 32 3
2089 And where do you want that seltzer? 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2090 We're out of seltzer 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2091 There's no work here, my customers prefer feeling embittered. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2092 Last call before Happy Hour. 1.2289 0.03788 166 133 28 5
2093 That shirt, big shoes....no service. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2094 I'm sorry to hear the new guy in the White House has already filled the position. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2095 No, I didn't know that circus performers were being displaced by self-driving clown cars. Tough break! 1.2289 0.03788 166 133 28 5
2096 Sorry, fella. We don't serve new leaders of the free world in here. 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2097 One Bar-rum and Bailey's, coming up. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2098 So, the circus is really closing for good? Cheer up! Many new opportunities are opening up for clowns these days. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2099 MILDRED; off with that silly costume!!! I don’t have a girlfriend, I just work nights. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2100 Er...so where's the priest and the rabbi? 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2101 So she's been seeing the elephant trainer again, eh Rusty? 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2102 Pop, you know those are some big shoes to fill. 1.2289 0.03590 166 131 32 3
2103 You heading the the Clown Lives Matter rally? 1.2289 0.03788 166 133 28 5
2104 Cathy's been looking for you. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
2105 I was just joking. Some of my best friends are clowns. 1.2289 0.03590 166 131 32 3
2106 Putting on more make-up will not make you look 21. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
2107 So, let me get this straight. You were at an inauguration with your hand on a stack of Bibles, you bolted, and now you want bourbon and a beer. 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
2108 You are the fifth guy today that's ordered a pie in the face. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2109 The last clown I served here ran off with my first first wife! Can I buy you a beer? 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
2110 We don't accept funny money. 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
2111 So this clown walks into a bar . . . 1.2273 0.04274 154 127 19 8
2112 Come on, you know I can't serve you knowing you gotta drive ten other guys to work later 1.2262 0.03842 168 136 26 6
2113 Love to turn that frown upside down but it's not in my job description. 1.2258 0.04047 155 126 23 6
2114 You want a free beer? Is this some kind of a joke? 1.2258 0.03942 155 125 25 5
2115 Of course we do Happy Hour . 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2116 I'd like to hire you but the clown in the back said no. 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
2117 I'm not going to trust you with a seltzer bottle again! 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2118 Yeah, I heard...ok, this one's on me. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2119 If you're trying to scare me you really should put your pants back on. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2120 I'm sorry to hear about the car crash...did any of the other 57 passengers survive? 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2121 Hi, Mom. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2122 Don't worry. When your wife called, I told her the place was full of clowns tonight. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2123 So they made you perform at the inauguration? 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2124 I'll have a large coke to go and forty straws! 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2125 Let me guess, you're a member of the new Presidents' cabinet. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2126 Don't feel bad. They're sending all sorts of jobs to Mexico and China these days. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2127 Sorry, we don't take funny money. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2128 I know a setup when I see one. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2129 I'm sorry, Mr. Trump. This is not "Uncle Sam's". 1.2256 0.04522 164 140 11 13
2130 We tell all our customers, no smile no service. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2131 I know you're juggling a lot these days, but would it kill you to text me back? 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2132 No, the ad said, "We'll give a free drink to the best gown." 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2133 Are you kidding me? 1.2256 0.04266 164 137 17 10
2134 Nope, never heard of a drink called "Seltzer in the Face." Can you show me? 1.2256 0.04266 164 137 17 10
2135 Happy hour's over, sorry. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2136 I'm going to need a large tray, there's 16 of us double parked in the VW across the street. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2137 You don't scare me. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2138 Make it a double, Sam. I work with a bunch of clowns. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2139 I didn't leave the circus. The circus left me. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2140 Sorry about your recent layoff from Ringling Bros. I'm not hiring, but Congress would be perfect for someone like you. 1.2256 0.04438 164 139 13 12
2141 I don't give a damn about Ringling Brothers, a beer is still two dollars. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2142 Hate to break it to ya, chum, but we're all out of seltzer. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2143 Yeah, maybe you could be President. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2144 I need a drink, Sam. America's turning out to be not so Great Again. 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2145 Another round of boos? 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2146 Would starting Happy Hour early help? 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2147 Would you like your drink circus-sized? 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2148 No, you don't qualify for 24/7 Happy Hour 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2149 Why the red nose? 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2150 Where is the rabbi and the priest? 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
2151 A clown walk into a bar...yeah, I've heard it. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2152 I'm afraid. I can't serve you. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2153 Mr. President, how good to meet you! 1.2256 0.04438 164 139 13 12
2154 Sam, as an undercover boss, the outfit doesn't work. 1.2256 0.04353 164 138 15 11
2155 We're closing too. It's the big elephant in the room. 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2156 There's nothing funny about alcoholism, Jim. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2157 What'll it be bozo? 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2158 Sorry to hear you weren't confirmed as Secretary of the Interior. 1.2256 0.04684 164 142 7 15
2159 Just you? 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2160 Come back for a job application request in four years, please, the position has been filled. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2161 one tears of a clown coming up 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2162 Hillary, how's your new career going? 1.2256 0.04353 164 138 15 11
2163 Say, ain't you that clown that got impeached? 1.2256 0.04266 164 137 17 10
2164 Don't worry, I'm sure the new administration will make your show the great again. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2165 This used to be a clown bar but it's under new management. 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2166 It'll take more than a hat with a flower it to fool people Mr President 1.2256 0.04604 164 141 9 14
2167 Happy Hour's over! 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2168 I beg your pardon. I assumed you people always brought your own seltzer. 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2169 Sorry I took so long, it's just been a circus in here, all day! 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
2170 We're The Greatest Show on 5th and Maple 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2171 So, are you another Trump Impersonator? 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2172 You want it with creepy fries or a sad salad? 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2173 No, Happy Hour is 6-7pm only 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2174 What's a clown like you doing here? 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2175 This is the gay clown bar. 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2176 Sorry, we don't serve members of President Trump's cabinet. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2177 Sad, happy, or the usual? 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2178 You're not the type of soda jerk I had in mind when I wrote the ad. 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
2179 No Bozo, we don't have any clown Royal. 1.2256 0.04266 164 137 17 10
2180 It's okay pal, I won't laugh. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2181 Seltzer? Sure, we have seltzer. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2182 You want one of those little umbrellas? Order a Mai Tai. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2183 Is that with or without the whipped cream? 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2184 Okay, I'll bite. Who's there? 1.2256 0.03900 164 133 25 6
2185 Time to put on your Happy Face! 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2186 Happy hour's come and gone I'm afraid. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2187 Shirley Temple? Really? No wonder they call you Bozo. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2188 Well, that's it for 'Happy Hour'. 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2189 No funny business 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
2190 Looks as though the circus left without you. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2191 I've seen creepier, so what'll you have? 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
2192 First you'll have to fill out the Pie Transaction Form, then wait until the background check is completed. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2193 You know you have a problem when your flower shoots sparkling wine. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2194 Look, you can only make a first impression once 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2195 Look, I'll serve you seltzer but I ain't sprayin' it in your face. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2196 Welcome to S'MAS. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2197 What are you, some kind of clown? 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
2198 Tell the rest of the gang waiting in that little car that I’m not coming back. 1.2256 0.03994 164 134 23 7
2199 No, I can't rig it to squirt vodka. 1.2242 0.03782 165 133 27 5
2200 We no longer host happy hour. 1.2242 0.03973 165 135 23 7
2201 I understand. Now there's nothing funny. 1.2242 0.04242 165 138 17 10
2202 How many times do I have to tell you that we're out of seltzer? 1.2242 0.04064 165 136 21 8
2203 Not funny. 1.2242 0.04329 165 139 15 11
2204 Clown walks in? That won't cut it, pal. We've raised the bar. 1.2242 0.03782 165 133 27 5
2205 Sam, I overreacted and went for the juggler. 1.2242 0.04242 165 138 17 10
2206 Is that the Priest and the Rabbi coming in you're supposed to meet? 1.2242 0.04064 165 136 21 8
2207 Happy hour's at four. 1.2242 0.04064 165 136 21 8
2208 Buddy , I don't need you to tell me that the circus has come to town . 1.2242 0.03782 165 133 27 5
2209 That's it -- I'm cutting you off. No more seltzer! 1.2242 0.03973 165 135 23 7
2210 I'm sorry sir, but happy hour's over 1.2242 0.03683 165 132 29 4
2211 You missed happy hour by five minutes. 1.2242 0.04242 165 138 17 10
2212 I think you've had enough, Mac. That's three bottles of seltzer today. 1.2242 0.03683 165 132 29 4
2213 who are you calling a jerk you clown 1.2242 0.04154 165 137 19 9
2214 Any matches on tinder yet? 1.2229 0.04219 166 139 17 10
2215 Can I get you anything Mr.Trump? 1.2216 0.04281 167 141 15 11
2216 Go ahead. Squirt me again with that flower. 1.2216 0.03836 167 136 25 6
2217 No, you don't look gay. In fact, you don't even look the least bit happy. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2218 Lemme guess, it's the politicians are taking our jobs? 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2219 Strange thirsty or funny thirsty? 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2220 Fear of bartenders? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2221 The usual Senator Schumer? 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2222 Didn't send in the clowns, huh? 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2223 You shouldn't take everything the president says so literally, Senator Schumer. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2224 People no longer take me at face value. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2225 Small car, 21 clowns, where'd you think your nose would go? 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2226 Why don't you apply for a job with the new administration. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2227 Have you any experience in seltzer? 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2228 Happy hour is over, Mr. Barnum 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2229 One Clown Loyal on the rocks, please. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2230 Have you tried, 'Able to squeeze into very small cars.'? 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2231 Don't worry. There might be another chance for you in 4 years. 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2232 Ringling Brother casualty, huh? 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2233 Easy on the seltzer. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2234 A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your… no, I couldn’t do that. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2235 Sorry President Trump, we don't serve clowns. 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2236 But your customers only cry with you in the beginning. Mine cry here all night long. 1.2209 0.03695 163 131 28 4
2237 Mother, I told you to stop checking up on me... 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2238 You're hired. Now get busy goofing around. 1.2209 0.03695 163 131 28 4
2239 If you say "Play it again" I'll punch you in your red, bulbous nose. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2240 OK, NOW tell me why you don't think you could be elected president. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2241 I might be able to use someone who knows how to clean up the peanut shells... 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2242 Have you considered career counseling? 1.2209 0.03695 163 131 28 4
2243 Your seltzer or mine? 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2244 Buddy, I still need to see your id. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2245 Actually, I have to see your drivers license with your clown picture on it. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2246 We call it The Scary Clown - all gin and no seltzer. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2247 Chuckles only works Happy Hour. 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2248 Whatta ya want, the unusual? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2249 We don't serve Trump supporters here. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2250 You just missed Sam--he left to join the circus. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2251 Sorry. We serve clowns only on Inauguration Day. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2252 So, this is your alternative face? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2253 Are you a scary clown, a funny clown, or just one of the usual clowns who comes in? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2254 How about a post-election scoop to turn that frown upside down? 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2255 You won--what? 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2256 No, I'm not sure where the Electoral College is. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2257 The inaugural performance could really catapult your career. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2258 What happened that caused you to get into politics? 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2259 What's with the stupid flower? 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2260 We don't serve Ringling here. 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2261 Do you know how many clowns, like you, I've had to turn away this month? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2262 What happened to this place? It used to be a circus. 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2263 So which one are you? The Jewish clown, the Catholic clown, or the Muslim clown? 1.2209 0.03695 163 131 28 4
2264 Are you the designated driver of the clown car? 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2265 Hey buddy - why so down in the mouth? 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2266 We only serve beer to those who are 21, and act like 21, and dress like 21. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2267 Come back when it's Presidents' Day. 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2268 No sir , dressing up is not required for Happy Hour. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2269 I'd suggest the Creepy IPA. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2270 One bottle of seltzer, neat. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2271 I don't have anything against clowns, it's just concerning when they're being elected president. 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2272 Sorry, we're the "psycho taxi driver" bar. The "creepy clown" bar is at Lex and 83rd. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2273 I heard the layoffs may not be over with the elephants. 1.2209 0.03695 163 131 28 4
2274 They've sent in a scarier clown. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2275 No, we don't have a set price for a carload. 1.2209 0.03695 163 131 28 4
2276 No seltzer for you! 1.2209 0.04266 163 137 16 10
2277 "Sorry pal. You're scary when you drink". 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2278 It's not just you. It's your 37 passengers I'm worried about. 1.2209 0.04354 163 138 14 11
2279 Can you be trusted with seltzer? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2280 The soda jerk position has been filled. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2281 Read the sign, pal. No oversize shoes, no squirting flower, no service. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2282 I wish I had a nickel for every time some sad clown came in here and tried to sell me that line of malarkey. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2283 Sorry your blind date didn't work out again! 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2284 Sorry to hear it pal, but if you didn't really want the job, you shouldn't have run in the first place. 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2285 Stop me if you've heard this: "a clown walks into a bar..." 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2286 Seltzer with mime, coming up. 1.2209 0.04084 163 135 20 8
2287 Sorry, our "Send in the Clowns" special was last week. 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
2288 Sorry, but we're all out of the sidecar. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2289 I see that Ringling Brothers is "Sending in the unemployable Clowns" 1.2209 0.04176 163 136 18 9
2290 Sorry, no seltzer, just beer. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2291 I told you no funny business! 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2292 Sorry, we don't accept funny money. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2293 Just because a clown walks into a bar doesn't mean I can solve your existential problems. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2294 Nobody does seltzer water in bottles anymore pal, it's all on tap. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2295 You have big shoes to fill. Our last clown was funny and had no pre-existing conditions. 1.2208 0.04146 154 127 20 7
2296 What drinks do you know besides seltzer? 1.2208 0.04042 154 126 22 6
2297 I'm so tired of you bozos coming in here, looking for a handout. 1.2194 0.04121 155 128 20 7
2298 I'm sorry, but we don't serve political impersonators here. 1.2174 0.04104 161 134 19 8
2299 It's an honor to have you come in Mr. President. 1.2174 0.04289 161 136 15 10
2300 I can't give you a song, a dance, or seltzer down your pants. How 'bout a beer? 1.2174 0.03707 161 130 27 4
2301 Pull my finger. 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2302 Honk once for ale, and twice for lager. 1.2174 0.03600 161 129 29 3
2303 You just missed your friends. All 99 of them hopped a cab Uptown. 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2304 Sorry, this is the 12" pianist joke. Try the bar down the street. 1.2174 0.04104 161 134 19 8
2305 What'll it be, Pagliacci? 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2306 I hear there's an opening at the inauguration 1.2174 0.04104 161 134 19 8
2307 Nope, Bearded Ladies' Night was yesterday. 1.2174 0.04198 161 135 17 9
2308 Hey, I just saw you on CNN at the Senate cabinet confirmation hearings. Are you HHS or EPA? 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2309 I know it's you Donald, it's still no. 1.2174 0.04104 161 134 19 8
2310 Two more and we'd really have a joke. 1.2174 0.03707 161 130 27 4
2311 No, I don't think a clown would make for an even happier hour. 1.2174 0.03600 161 129 29 3
2312 Right. You want me to make a drink that tastes funny. 1.2174 0.03810 161 131 25 5
2313 No, I don't want to hear the one that got you kicked out of clown school. 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2314 Trump's America ain't so funny, is it? 1.2174 0.04104 161 134 19 8
2315 Fifteen of your passengers told me not to serve you 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2316 No, sorry we don't accept animal balloons. 1.2174 0.03810 161 131 25 5
2317 Have you thought of running away and joining the Cirque du Trump? 1.2174 0.04289 161 136 15 10
2318 When my father passed away I considered 'Son of Sam's' 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2319 I've no work for you here, but there may be a place for you in the current administration. 1.2174 0.04289 161 136 15 10
2320 A new circus is in town. You can apply in DC 1.2174 0.04198 161 135 17 9
2321 So I guess you don't want to hear the Happy Hour specials. 1.2160 0.03686 162 131 27 4
2322 Ten cream pies and a diet soda, please. 1.2160 0.03889 162 133 23 6
2323 Uh, no...that says 'lager on tap', not 'laughter'. 1.2160 0.04081 162 135 19 8
2324 OK! I'M A JERK, YOU'RE A CLOWN, NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT? 1.2143 0.04117 154 128 19 7
2325 Sorry, we're not hiring, but I hear City Hall is a real circus. 1.2143 0.03681 154 124 27 3
2326 I do own the place, but I'm not exactly what you'd call a ringleader. 1.2143 0.04117 154 128 19 7
2327 That flower is a Forget-me-not? Believe me. No one who sees you will ever forget you. 1.2143 0.04318 154 130 15 9
2328 Which one of you bozos said the seltzer tastes funny? 1.2143 0.03795 154 125 25 4
2329 Let me guess...you're hiding from your wife. 1.2143 0.04012 154 127 21 6
2330 I'm afraid you still haven't quite captured that happy hour spirit. 1.2138 0.03718 159 129 26 4
2331 How are your seltzer bottle skills? 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2332 I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like giving drinks to clowns. 1.2138 0.04313 159 135 14 10
2333 Seltzer. Sorry. we're out. 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2334 Sorry buddy, your work experience just sounds a little funny. 1.2138 0.03497 159 127 30 2
2335 Where are the priest and Trump? 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2336 You didn't know 'clown car' was a metaphor? 1.2138 0.04220 159 134 16 9
2337 The priest and the rabbit couldn't make it. 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2338 I have to cut you off, your ten friends in the VW parked outside told me you are the designated driver. 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2339 One pie with whipped cream and hold the pie? 1.2138 0.03609 159 128 28 3
2340 After what happened last time, I can't give you the whole seltzer bottle. 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2341 One Barnum and Bailey, in the rocks! 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2342 It was not a personal invitation from our patio speakers. It was Judy Collins's "Send in the clowns" 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2343 You're shut off. I don't care if you really do have 22 designated drivers... 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2344 I know. It sucks being the designated clown car driver. 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2345 I'm cutting you off, Bozo. Your nose is all flushed. 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2346 Nope. This wouldn't be a Rockwell moment. 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2347 The sign says "Happy Hour." 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2348 Vodka seltzer, I presume? 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2349 Of all the beer joints in all the towns, in all the world you walk into mine. 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2350 Who are you calling a jerk, clown? 1.2138 0.03609 159 128 28 3
2351 This is the happiest I've seen you since Election Day! 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2352 Where's Melania? 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2353 You look familiar, have you been here before? 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2354 I'd chalk it up to bad career choice..... 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2355 You're not the only circus member to move into the White House 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2356 Last month the elephants were here. 1.2138 0.04220 159 134 16 9
2357 Just remember, people will continue to laugh at you long after the Circus is gone. 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2358 No, there's not one goddamn thing that's funny about it. 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2359 Would you mind not sitting in front of the window? 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2360 One Barnum and Baily Irish Cream coming up. 1.2138 0.03718 159 129 26 4
2361 Little early for Happy Hour 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2362 So, just to be clear, then I throw it at you face? 1.2138 0.03718 159 129 26 4
2363 Sorry, but we don't serve clowns anymore. People say they taste funny. 1.2138 0.04220 159 134 16 9
2364 Look, pal, happy hour was two hours ago. 1.2138 0.04220 159 134 16 9
2365 The ad said BOGO free drinks not BOZO drinks free. 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2366 I knew Sam. You're no Sam. 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2367 Would you like it in a glass or in your flower? 1.2138 0.03718 159 129 26 4
2368 Well, maybe, next year. 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2369 Sorry Barnum. We're closed too. 1.2138 0.04313 159 135 14 10
2370 Why so grim? 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2371 Sorry about the circus closing, though I hear the new administration in D.C. is looking for folks like you. 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2372 Your 50 friends tell me you're their designated driver. 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
2373 Nice Trump imitation, but you still have to pay. 1.2138 0.04124 159 133 18 8
2374 Why the red nose? 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2375 Happy Hour? 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2376 Sarsaparilla! Are you trying to be funny? 1.2138 0.03609 159 128 28 3
2377 Lose the flower, pal. He's president. 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2378 Very funny. Don't you usually work with a priest and a rabbi on this sort of thing? 1.2138 0.04027 159 132 20 7
2379 You keep this up, there will be one less clown in that car! 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2380 If I serve you, I'll have to serve everyone in your clown car. 1.2138 0.03718 159 129 26 4
2381 I'll have to charge you extra to spray the drink in your face. 1.2138 0.03824 159 130 24 5
2382 I'm not afraid of you. 1.2125 0.03802 160 131 24 5
2383 I'm not surprised work has been slow for you since the election. 1.2125 0.03904 160 132 22 6
2384 The beer tastes funny. Are you kidding me? 1.2125 0.04100 160 134 18 8
2385 Sorry bub, but you can't have a rubber chicken on your pizza. 1.2125 0.03802 160 131 24 5
2386 I'm sorry, we need an ID with a current photo. 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
2387 Cheer up, Dufus. We can't all be Bozos. 1.2125 0.04100 160 134 18 8
2388 Sorry, we don't serve "seltzer water to the face." 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
2389 We're all sold out of inauguration pies. 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
2390 One Soda Water In The Face coming up. Pretzels? 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
2391 you know that really isn't much of a disguise Mr.President 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
2392 It was worth a try but can we go back to normal Happy Hour now? 1.2125 0.03904 160 132 22 6
2393 That disguise will not work Mr. Trump. No ethics, No drink. 1.2125 0.04288 160 136 14 10
2394 Who's tab this time...Barnum's or Bailey's? 1.2125 0.03802 160 131 24 5
2395 It's not my fault. I always took the kids to the circus. 1.2125 0.04100 160 134 18 8
2396 Truth, you don't look like a happy drunk to me. 1.2125 0.03697 160 130 26 4
2397 Please leave. You're scaring the customers. 1.2112 0.03981 161 134 20 7
2398 Yeah...gotta be hard to compete with the new Administration coming in... 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2399 We don't serve drinks to sad clowns during happy hour. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2400 So, a refill of the sunflower, then? 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2401 Not sure where is the circus...but it you are looking for the Inaugeration...it is on the next block. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2402 Out of all seventeen friends I'm sorry you got stuck being the designated driver. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2403 You guys should have kept the elephants. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2404 Nice disguise Bob. I still can't serve you. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2405 Sorry pal, three-ring minimum. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2406 We're fresh outta seltzer! 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2407 I don't have anything that tastes funny 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2408 Your job was offshored? What a joke. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2409 The clown discount is only good while the Circus is in town! 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2410 No, I don't want a spritz of water. I'm asking what you want. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2411 Post-comedy era you say? 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2412 My professional advice? Your problems cannot be cured by drinking. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2413 YOU WANNA TRY OUR NEW BEER? IT TASTES FUNNY. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2414 I told you before, you're too early for the Happy Hour. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2415 Are your seven buddies still in the V W bug? 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2416 Custard pie? Plumb out. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2417 Please tell me that was a whoopie cushion full of air and wet jello. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2418 No I am sorry, we don't have seltzer water in a bottle, only on tap, and no I won't pour it down your pants, sorry 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2419 Clown, I've got something that will turn that frown, upside down. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2420 This is the bar. You're the joke. I don't know what you're supposed to do next. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2421 Who's Cathy? 1.2102 0.04242 157 133 15 9
2422 Is that you, Norm? 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2423 Sure, they're all in an animal sanctuary now. But an elephant never forgets. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2424 trust me, we can make sam's great again 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2425 Sorry, we're all out of seltzer. ... And cream pie. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2426 A spritz of seltzer down your pants is two bits. 1.2102 0.03618 157 127 27 3
2427 Don't be down, you too could be the next president! 1.2102 0.04242 157 133 15 9
2428 Don't worry about the Dems . . . you'll still get the appointment. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2429 A little seltzer in you pants? 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2430 We don't serve shaving cream pies. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2431 Tell your friend outside to quit walking on the power line. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2432 Sorry, none of my stuff tastes funny. What else do you want? 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2433 Happy Hour, there's no stinking happy hour 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2434 I'd heard it was last call for clowns. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2435 Sorry, Happy Hour doesn't start for another 30 minutes. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2436 Free drinks for clowns was last week... 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2437 John, your perception of reality inspires all of us here. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2438 Man, get over it. You aren't clownish enough to be the new Secretary of Energy. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2439 Yes, I know. A clown comes into a bar with a flower in his hat. 1.2102 0.04242 157 133 15 9
2440 Sorry Buddy, the Inaugural Ball is down the street. 1.2102 0.03504 157 126 29 2
2441 You'll need to hand over the bell and horn until you're ready to leave. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2442 Hey bud, you trying to be funny? 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2443 Bill, I still know you'll be an angry drunk 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2444 You just made my decision to end open mic night a lot easier. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2445 You couldn't take better care of the elephants? 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2446 Yep, Bozo used to come here all the time for cream pie. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2447 Your usual? 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2448 No, I asked you to scare UP some customers. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2449 You should have been here last night, pal. It was a real circus! 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2450 Well, if you only have weekends off, chances are you won't run into the priest or the rabbi. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2451 You're funnier when you're sober. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2452 What do you mean, 'yesterday's lunch tasted funny?' 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2453 Sorry. Happy hour isn't until 3:00 p.m. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2454 I don't care if you're the new Supreme Court Justice. No free beer! 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2455 Sorry, it may be Happy Hour out there all day for you clowns, but in here it's 4 to 6. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2456 Why so glum, bud? Circus leave town or something? 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2457 Sorry Jo-Jo, rules are rules. Happy Hour ended 10 minutes ago. 1.2102 0.04521 157 136 9 12
2458 There's always kids birthday parties 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2459 "Sorry, can't serve you. No clowns allowed in 'walks into a bar' jokes. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2460 Happy Hour starts at 4. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2461 What traumatic childhood experience led you to this? 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2462 You're going to have to stop drowning your sorrows in Helium. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2463 I'll get you the bourbon, buy you can supply your own seltzer. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2464 Yup, you and me both. The last time I laughed at a New Yorker cartoon was the chicken that crossed the road to get a martini. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2465 Congratulations. You just killed Happy Hour! 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2466 I'm tired of you bozos asking if microbrews are the same size as regular beers. 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2467 Yes, all of our beer tastes funny. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2468 You want a shot of seltzer down your pants ? 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2469 Did you hear the one, "a clown walks into a bar..?" 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2470 Boss man says no more seltzer refills until you buy something. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2471 What exactly is a "Clownachino" 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2472 Let me guess, 'Ringling Brothers'? 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2473 Looks like you lost the bet. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2474 You guys have it figured out. There could be twenty of you here, and you'd only need one designated driver. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2475 did you hear about the clown who died and 14 of his friends went to the funeral in the same car 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2476 No, no. I ordered Crown! 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2477 Of all the ginger ale joints in the world, you walked into mine 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2478 Well, this is the first time an actual clown has walked in here. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2479 sorry sir, happy hour is over 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2480 No, I do not want to hear "Vesti la Giubba" from Pagliacci. It's cash only. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2481 I am not going to play it again. 1.2102 0.03504 157 126 29 2
2482 Have you thought of joining a circus and becoming a clown. 1.2102 0.03837 157 129 23 5
2483 Sorry, S'ma sold the place about twenty years ago. 1.2102 0.04337 157 134 13 10
2484 Whadda' mean you only want a seltzer bottle? 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2485 Petite Shiraz? The others just wanted Seltzer to the face. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2486 I'm sorry but that's our policy. We can't serve seltzer to clowns. 1.2102 0.03942 157 130 21 6
2487 Well, Ballantine has a nice three ring logo that might bring you some comfort. 1.2102 0.03729 157 128 25 4
2488 Yup, still creepy at age 54. 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
2489 Why the sad face Bozo, is the new guy in the White House stealing your show? 1.2102 0.04144 157 132 17 8
2490 I expected you later for happy hour. 1.2099 0.03860 162 134 22 6
2491 Wait, you didn't know it was going to be a tragedy? 1.2099 0.04054 162 136 18 8
2492 Well, I guess it's still Happy Hour. 1.2099 0.03550 162 131 28 3
2493 Sorry, we're outta seltzer 1.2089 0.03598 158 128 27 3
2494 Why the wide face! 1.2089 0.03919 158 131 21 6
2495 Can I get you something that tastes funny? 1.2089 0.03484 158 127 29 2
2496 I am not serving the other 15 clowns in your car until see their IDs. 1.2089 0.04217 158 134 15 9
2497 I see you've got a new look since your inauguration. 1.2089 0.04120 158 133 17 8
2498 I'm sorry. Clown jobs are not coming back, and the circus will not be made Great Again. 1.2089 0.04021 158 132 19 7
2499 ...and one cannibal says to the other, "does this taste funny?" 1.2089 0.04021 158 132 19 7
2500 Sorry, we don't take any funny business here. 1.2089 0.03919 158 131 21 6
2501 You know they are looking for people just like you in Washington D.C.! 1.2089 0.03815 158 130 23 5
2502 It's the show that won't go on, not your life. 1.2089 0.03708 158 129 25 4
2503 Don't let it get you down, Sprinkles. The new President is hiring. 1.2089 0.03815 158 130 23 5
2504 Pathos is dead. 1.2089 0.04021 158 132 19 7
2505 Are you guys hiring? My last gig just folded its tent 1.2078 0.03981 154 128 20 6
2506 Sorry, no Happy Hour for sad clowns... 1.2078 0.04387 154 132 12 10
2507 I'm sorry, this is a post-humor bar. 1.2078 0.03981 154 128 20 6
2508 Maybe the world was not ready for a clown mortician. 1.2065 0.04264 155 132 14 9
2509 Buyer's remorse? 1.2065 0.04062 155 130 18 7
2510 It is pronounced "Smas". 1.2051 0.04238 156 133 14 9
2511 Sorry--inauguration party's over. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2512 Green eggs and beer? Not here! Not there! 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2513 Good God, no wonder people run from you. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2514 No, I'm not joking... 1.2051 0.04238 156 133 14 9
2515 A little Dutch courage for your confirmation hearing? 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2516 What do you mean: "You're having doubts about the election?" 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2517 Good luck with your inauguration. 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2518 You should apply for a Cabinet position. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2519 No worries, everyone is a clown these days 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2520 So, you're a friend of Bozo. Who the hell is Bozo? 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2521 Hey, what's goin on, you're the third clown we interviewed today! 1.2051 0.03606 156 127 26 3
2522 What's up, Boozo? 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2523 Did Mr. Trump send you? 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2524 I knew Sam. Sam was a friend of mine. You are no Sam. 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2525 You're too sensitive... I wasn't referring to you when I said some clown was terrorizing my patrons. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2526 Sorry, but I don't think it's going to work out. That's not what I would call business casual. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2527 My previous employer? Well, after a 146-year run, they came to the conclusion we wouldn't be able to compete with this new administration. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2528 Sorry about the closing, maybe a cabinet position in the new administration. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2529 Son, I knew you'd be back. 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2530 You want to return a milkshake because it tastes funny? What are you, some sort of clown? 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2531 Looks like now that the circus is closing, we'll be getting a bunch of real clowns in here. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2532 So glad you dropped the orange mask, Mr. President. This is definitely the real you. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2533 Stop clowning around Sam. I know it's you 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2534 I'm sorry-we're out of seltzer. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2535 Well Chuckles, it looks like you finally had the last laugh. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2536 Sorry pal, creepy clowns are just so 2016. 1.2051 0.03719 156 128 24 4
2537 Tough break. But, since the election, our clown residency is filled. 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2538 Do you know the one about why cannibals don't like clowns? 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2539 I get it, pal. Its just like when Austin Powers ruined the Bond franchise. It was inevitable Trump would ruin the circus. Shall I make it double? 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2540 No country for old clowns. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2541 Scotch with a wine chaser? You can't be serious. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2542 What do you mean? You are dressed perfectly for your new job in Washington. 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2543 I don't care that you're not wearing pants. 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2544 Another refill for the flower -- coming up. Nice to know that old gag still works. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2545 I sorry President Trump, I didn't recognize you without the orange hair. 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2546 What is this some kind of joke? 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2547 It's like Bear Sterns all over again. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2548 If that's as funny as you can be, we're going to have to ask you to leave. 1.2051 0.04238 156 133 14 9
2549 Sorry, we don't have Happy Hour on Mondays. 1.2051 0.03828 156 129 22 5
2550 It's a soda, jerk. 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2551 Bill, when I said we need to increase spirits, this is not what I had in mind. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2552 Not going to the inauguration,Senator Schumer? 1.2051 0.04238 156 133 14 9
2553 No, he won't play it again. 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2554 Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your shoes. 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2555 'OK, one drink and back to the bank" 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2556 Heard you are in the on-deck circle for a cabinet appointment. You sure you want to put up with that circus? 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
2557 Pastrami on white with mayo? That's not funny. 1.2051 0.04038 156 131 18 7
2558 Your the third clown from Ringling's in here this week! 1.2051 0.03935 156 130 20 6
2559 ''Let me guess, a shot of depression and leave the bottle''. 1.2039 0.03773 152 125 23 4
2560 You might try a Twitter account. 1.2038 0.04115 157 133 16 8
2561 Let me guess. Seltzer on the rocks? 1.2038 0.03806 157 130 22 5
2562 The police say the suspect is a giant, he has size 30 shoes! 1.2026 0.03514 153 124 27 2
2563 Sorry, but I just can't let you sit here for the next four years. 1.2026 0.04184 153 130 15 8
2564 Congratulations, operative. You successfully brought down the Ringling Bros. from the inside. 1.2026 0.03974 153 128 19 6
2565 Tears won't get you a pint, I still need ID. 1.2026 0.04286 153 131 13 9
2566 Sorry...What exactly WAS your last tweet? 1.2026 0.04286 153 131 13 9
2567 Can you at least paint a smile on your face? 1.2026 0.03634 153 125 25 3
2568 Do you have any experience other than throwing pies in people's faces? 1.2026 0.03751 153 126 23 4
2569 Well for one, whoopie cushions don't smell. 1.2025 0.03784 158 131 22 5
2570 The election sure has sent in the frowns. 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2571 Read the sign, buddy. "CASH ONLY. NO BALLOON DOGS." 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
2572 You didn't vote, did you? 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2573 I'm tellin' ya, to make it as a clown in the 21st Century you gotta think big. 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2574 Wait a second, I think I've heard this one before. 1.2013 0.03494 154 125 27 2
2575 We know the real best medicine. 1.2013 0.04260 154 132 13 9
2576 No, funny guy, I'm not going to play it again. 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2577 Sorry pal, but we're all out of seltzer water 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2578 Yeah, I thought the name 'clown bar' would pack 'em in too 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2579 We're out of cream pies and seltzer. 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2580 I didn't think the end of days would have a sense of humor. 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2581 Why the long face, Senator Schumer? 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
2582 So, hows the funny business treating ya? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2583 Uber driver? Maybe. But think about capacity. 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
2584 Can I see your id? 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2585 What in Heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
2586 They have 'Clown Light' on tap down the street. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2587 You must be coming from doing that Parker kid's party. His parents were here all afternoon. 1.2013 0.04260 154 132 13 9
2588 I know this is my moment, but what will you have Mr. President? 1.2013 0.04260 154 132 13 9
2589 Have you tried calling a head hunter? 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2590 Don't look so glum, Grumpo. There's a new circus just came to town. 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
2591 No, you may not have a seltzer. 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2592 Sure, now you're sorry for being so creepy 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
2593 Hey, Donnie, what's this I hear about you changing your name to POTUS? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2594 Sorry, I'm all out of the funny stuff. 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2595 I don't think you understood the concept of "get dressed up and go out for a drink." 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2596 Your friend-what does he look like? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2597 Did you think the Circus would last forever? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2598 Look, for the last time. We don't serve our beer with silly straws. 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
2599 I'm sorry that you lost your job with Barnum and Bailey and all, but I'm afraid this is 1600 Massachusetts Avenue. 1.2013 0.04260 154 132 13 9
2600 How 'bout a cream pie with that seltzer bottle? 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
2601 Can't serve you any more drinks; you're starting to act like a clown. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2602 Cheer up, Barnum. You can still perform at kids' parties. 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2603 Nice hat. 1.2013 0.04260 154 132 13 9
2604 Before I can sell you some pie, I need to see some identification. 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2605 Where's the punch line? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2606 Outta Send in the Clowns Ale but we got Transition Lager, it's very similar! 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2607 You'll have to leave, you're scaring the customers. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2608 It must have been a real tough night cause the bottom half of your costume is missing. 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2609 You can't compete with the President? That's sad. 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2610 Cheery coke? 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2611 NORM!!! 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2612 Sorry, seltzer refills start at 5:00 P.M. 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2613 Okay, so the tent folded. If I were you I'd send my vita to the White House. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2614 I'm guessing you want the Ringlingtini? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2615 Your clown problems are actually quite a respite from the other crap I've been getting. 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2616 Sure I'll vote for you next time. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2617 You must be the designated clown. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2618 Hey, there's always Cirque Du Soleil. 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
2619 What do you mean our seltzer makes you feel funny? 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2620 Excuse me, I'm lost. Directions to the White House please. 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
2621 I've got a seltzer bottle, too, y'know. 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2622 No. More. Cream. Pies. Period. 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
2623 Nope....nothing on the menu that tastes funny. 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
2624 Would you, could you with a grump? Would you, could you with a Trump? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2625 It is not very often that a clown can put a damper on Happy Hour. 1.2013 0.03729 154 127 23 4
2626 We are all out of Seltzer, but can I smell your flower? 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2627 You're still barred and I still don't think you're funny 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2628 Sorry, no sad clowns allowed at Happy Hour. 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2629 Aw, sorry, Sad Clown Happy Hour is from 2 to 3. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2630 You miss the elephants, don't you? 1.2013 0.04056 154 130 17 7
2631 I like the daisy. 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
2632 Weren’t you in here last week at the drive-thru with like a dozen other guys? 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
2633 Listen Bozo, no funny business this time! 1.2000 0.03926 155 130 19 6
2634 No normal shirt, no normal shoes, no service. 1.2000 0.03926 155 130 19 6
2635 Joe's not here but I can send in the clowns. 1.2000 0.04032 155 131 17 7
2636 It must be tough to be a cable news anchor. 1.2000 0.03818 155 129 21 5
2637 I think you'll do well in your new White House job 1.1987 0.03685 156 129 23 4
2638 "...and I say, a President does pay his bar tab". 1.1987 0.04008 156 132 17 7
2639 Don't bother, I've heard them all before. 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2640 Sorry, happy hour doesn't start until 4:00. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2641 Let me guess....a double seltzer on the rocks. 1.1974 0.03498 152 124 26 2
2642 How will I know if you need to be cut off? 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2643 It's no use. Time to move into the White House. 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
2644 Stop honking your horn-I will be right with you. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2645 What'll it be, Senator Schumer? 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2646 Sorry, fake news,no free drinks for clowns 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2647 It's a circus here in 2 hours. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2648 Do you want the seltzer mixed with your drink, or do you want me to spray it in your face? 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2649 So then she says that inside I'm really just a sad clown. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2650 I, too, am in the funny business. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2651 Tell you what, you make me a balloon hat and the first one's on me. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2652 You'd wouldn't believe how many fake IDs we see 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2653 The service industry needs people with your skills, Bob. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2654 The ice cream shop was much closer than the circus when I ran away. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2655 How about I mix you everything into a creepy smoothie? 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2656 I like your disguise Mr. President. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2657 Before I serve you I must say...in lieu of the Inauguration...you seem more ironic than funny. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2658 You're cutoff. No more cream pies for you! 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2659 beers of a clown 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2660 Confetti? Sure thing. Up? On the rocks? Or out of a cannon? 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2661 Sorry, we have no job openings here. But I heard they’re looking for people like you in Washington. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2662 You're sad because you broke your humerus? I don't get it, pal. 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2663 Look Bozo, we don't serve your kind. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2664 No snickers, no smiles, no service. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2665 We don't serve politicians masquerading as clowns. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2666 Responding to Send in the Clowns? Don't worry, Donald Trump is here. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2667 Yep. Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. C-9 on the Jukebox. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2668 Cheer up, it's two minutes to Happy Hour 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2669 You run off and join the circus, and now, Sam, you want your old job back? 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2670 Do you want me to play it again? 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2671 Wait, don't tell me, I've heard this one before. 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2672 Forgive me, Sam, but it'd be better for business if you stayed upstairs in your office. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2673 I need to see an I.D. before I can serve a clown. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2674 I was sorry to hear about the circus, but this place is for serious drinkers only. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2675 I'm sorry sir, but the circus was just in town and I'm all out of Bailey's. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2676 Sorry Bub, happy hour starts at 5pm. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2677 After 146 years... What can I get you ? 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2678 Are you one of the Deplorables? 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2679 Do clowns speak or tweet? 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2680 I have bad-hair-days too. 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2681 He looks qualified. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2682 What is this some kind of joke? 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2683 Drinking won't turn that frown upside down 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2684 You should have known there'd be performance issues when you began studying existential nihilism. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2685 Sorry pal. You can't pay with your funny money. 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2686 Sing and dance all you want, but we're out of seltzer. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2687 Money first. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2688 I still don't think you caused the Greatest Show on Earth to close. 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2689 I'm going to need to see some I.D. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2690 Still no call back on the Innaguration audition then? 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2691 From the Big Top to the Big Tap? 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2692 Seventeen people in he car and you're deaignated driver? That's tough luck. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2693 I heard Trump's hiring now that your Ringling Brothers gig is over 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2694 The Senate Confirmation Hearings are up on Capitol Hill, Mr. Tillerson. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2695 I heard that one before, but never from an actual clown. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2696 NORM!!! 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2697 I don't care if your best friend from college is the President, we're still closed. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2698 Thanks for remembering to leave the elephant outside... 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2699 But ain't too much sadder than the beers of a clown when there's no one around. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2700 No, I don't think you're deplorable; I voted for him too. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2701 "Wanna hear something funny?"................. 1.1974 0.03498 152 124 26 2
2702 Democrat ?? 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2703 Would two more clowns in that little car have saved the circus? 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2704 No. I don't think anyone recognized you, Mr. President. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2705 Where nobody knows your name 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2706 And a cream pie at my face, please 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2707 Sorry, no discount if you provide your own seltzer. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2708 Personally, I don't think any of them taste funny. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2709 Please don't cry. We just don't have your flavor. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2710 I know it's tough when an elephant sits on your best friend. Was he also a Democrat? 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2711 No, but I know the one about a horse that walked into a bar. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2712 I have the right to refuse circus to anyone. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2713 Your wife just called. She said not to forget to pick up the pies and seltzer water on your way home. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2714 Good yuck with your job search. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2715 I had a funny feeling I would see you. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2716 Seltzer -- bottle or tap? 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2717 I really mean it. I think there's plenty of room in the history books for a second clown president. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2718 I know the circus closed, but you look like a guy with a lot of possibilities. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7
2719 Yes, I heard about Ringling Brothers closing...you didn't run into three drunk elephants on your way in? 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2720 Trump's bus left 15 minutes ago. 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
2721 Don't worry -- there's still the possiblity of being the first respectable clown in the White House. 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2722 Sorry! We only serve happy clowns. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2723 No Mr president we don't have Russian prostitute pee-pee on tap. Try Vladimir's down the street. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2724 You didn't leave it here, I haven't seen a seltzer bottle in 25 years. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2725 Do you see me laughing? 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2726 No, I don't need any seltzer. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2727 It's 8:00 am. Happy Hour is from 3:00 to 6:00 pm. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2728 Where were you clowns before the elections.... 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2729 I take it you're ready for Trump's inauguration. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2730 The SIXTYS are over, Bud...They're NOT wearing Flowers in their Hair anymore! 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
2731 Sure, you come back here with your fancy show-business ways, lording it over us, but you've forgotten who gave you your first seltzer bottle. 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2732 I'm sorry, sir, we only have pints or schooners - no 'spray into my face'. 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2733 I can tell you're only laughing on the outside 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2734 I have to agree with you that hemorrhoids are no laughing matter. 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2735 You've got another Hamptons kids' party, don't you? 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2736 Which of our three draughts would you prefer to cry in? 1.1974 0.03620 152 125 24 3
2737 No. I can't serve everyone in your car. 1.1974 0.04179 152 130 14 8
2738 No clowning around here, sir. 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2739 Sorry, he just left for Washington. 1.1974 0.03965 152 128 18 6
2740 Would you like to try our hoppiest I.P.A? 1.1974 0.03853 152 127 20 5
2741 Hey pal, I think you've had enough. Let me call you a clown car. 1.1974 0.03739 152 126 22 4
2742 I know Trump is still hiring in DC. 1.1974 0.04073 152 129 16 7