Contest #553


Cartoon

553


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2017-01-16
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2017-01-29 (estimated)
Number of captions 6996
Number of responses 547090
Number of participants 27780


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 I'd like to see other people. 1.7866 0.04621 328 157 84 87
1 I know that look, you're not going to let this go. 1.7600 0.04754 300 146 80 74
2 I'd like to see other people. 1.7393 0.04800 280 136 81 63
3 What a delightful coincidence. I'm also recently single. 1.7181 0.04900 259 127 78 54
4 Maybe his second week will go better. 1.7148 0.05166 256 134 61 61
5 The corrupt media will blow this way out of proportion. 1.7126 0.05144 254 132 63 59
6 I want to start seeing other people... 1.7126 0.05083 254 130 67 57
7 Hopefully the president's second day in office will go a bit smoother. 1.7115 0.05132 253 131 64 58
8 Oh, and I'm gay. 1.6942 0.05161 242 126 64 52
9 I wonder what Donald will do on his second day? 1.6942 0.05195 242 127 62 53
10 I'm gay. 1.6682 0.05704 220 127 39 54
11 I'm not leaving. It's rent-controlled. 1.6667 0.05543 219 122 48 49
12 I want to see other people. 1.6667 0.05443 222 122 52 48
13 You just had to tear off that mattress tag. 1.6636 0.05356 217 116 58 43
14 ... and it's only January 21st. 1.6573 0.05607 213 120 46 47
15 On the plus side, Manhattan is affordable now. 1.6573 0.04980 213 105 76 32
16 I'd like to start seeing other people. 1.6573 0.05607 213 120 46 47
17 I'm gay. 1.6507 0.05665 209 119 44 46
18 I won't fight the divorce...... you can have everything 1.6386 0.05405 202 109 57 36
19 The good news is they cancelled my colonoscopy. 1.6294 0.05480 197 108 54 35
20 Don't worry, he's going to replace it with something terrific. 1.6276 0.05457 196 107 55 34
21 He did promise to create more construction jobs. 1.6276 0.05505 196 108 53 35
22 We're just two people breaking up. It's not the end of the world. 1.6276 0.05552 196 109 51 36
23 It's only January, honey. Give him a chance! 1.6256 0.05944 195 117 34 44
24 Okay, maybe you did smell gas. 1.6218 0.05532 193 107 52 34
25 Give him a chance, they said. How bad could he be, they said. 1.6198 0.05844 192 113 39 40
26 Well, maybe the second 100 days will be better. 1.6117 0.05907 188 112 37 39
27 I think we should see other people. 1.6054 0.05690 185 106 46 33
28 Don't look at me. I voted for Hillary. 1.6047 0.05978 172 100 40 32
29 I think we should see other people. 1.6044 0.05606 182 102 50 30
30 Remember when you said you'd only date me if I was the last man on earth? 1.6033 0.05717 184 106 45 33
31 So, what do you think he'll do in his second term? 1.6033 0.05971 184 111 35 38
32 Well, that's one inauguration I don't think any of us will ever forget. 1.6011 0.05796 183 107 42 34
33 That was one hell of an inauguration 1.5978 0.06009 179 108 35 36
34 I would like to see other people 1.5955 0.05658 178 101 48 29
35 On the positive side, no more Twitter. 1.5932 0.05742 177 102 45 30
36 It's still not the worst first date I've been on. 1.5932 0.05572 177 99 51 27
37 I'm very anxious to see Trump's second day in office. 1.5932 0.05798 177 103 43 31
38 You're now looking at the handsomest man alive. 1.5932 0.05907 177 105 39 33
39 So then the genie says, "Sure, I'll make you the sexiest man alive..." 1.5886 0.06182 175 109 29 37
40 Maybe we should have voted. 1.5862 0.05770 174 101 44 29
41 Who knew the Nuclear codes were just 140 characters? 1.5862 0.05996 174 105 36 33
42 Well Joan, now I am the last man on earth. 1.5838 0.06026 173 105 35 33
43 Explain to me again how this is all my fault. 1.5789 0.05856 171 101 41 29
44 So I guess this is my fault? 1.5765 0.05826 170 100 42 28
45 It's not like it's the end of the world. 1.5765 0.05455 170 94 54 22
46 Okay, maybe I should have read the instructions. 1.5765 0.05705 170 98 46 26
47 I want to see other people. 1.5740 0.06033 169 103 35 31
48 It said microwave safe 1.5697 0.05908 165 98 40 27
49 Other than that, I think our first date went well. 1.5697 0.05781 165 96 44 25
50 I liked it better when he just tweeted. 1.5689 0.06094 167 103 33 31
51 I hear they've canceled his Twitter account. 1.5689 0.06094 167 103 33 31
52 I liked America better before it was great... 1.5689 0.06035 167 102 35 30
53 Well, at least he drained the swamp! 1.5689 0.05853 167 99 41 27
54 Is it too soon to say "I told you so?" 1.5671 0.05875 164 97 41 26
55 Remember that time you said even if I were the last man on Earth? 1.5644 0.05969 163 98 38 27
56 What do you mean "if" I was the last man on Earth? 1.5617 0.05738 162 94 45 23
57 No, I haven't seen your glasses. 1.5590 0.05901 161 96 40 25
58 In retrospect, last year wasn’t so bad. 1.5562 0.05729 160 93 45 22
59 Why would they even have that button on the copier? 1.5562 0.06191 160 100 31 29
60 But I am the last man on earth. 1.5562 0.05729 160 93 45 22
61 So much for the first 100 days! 1.5562 0.06127 160 99 33 28
62 I'm guessing this will come up in therapy tomorrow. 1.5562 0.05227 160 86 59 15
63 I guess we will never see his tax returns. 1.5535 0.05895 159 95 40 24
64 There goes the neighborhood. 1.5535 0.05689 159 92 46 21
65 I don't know, what do you want to do? 1.5506 0.05718 158 92 45 21
66 I think now is the time to buy. 1.5449 0.05558 156 89 49 18
67 So ... NO metal in the microwave? 1.5419 0.05734 155 91 44 20
68 You know the media always tries to blow things out of proportion. 1.5390 0.06051 154 95 35 24
69 You make it sound like it's the end of the world. 1.5390 0.05538 154 88 49 17
70 I suppose this is my fault, too. 1.5385 0.05990 156 96 36 24
71 You're figuring out a way to make this all my fault, aren't you? 1.5364 0.06000 151 92 37 22
72 I met someone. 1.5364 0.06288 151 96 29 26
73 Gesundheit. 1.5364 0.06073 151 93 35 23
74 I told you not to remove the tags on the pillow. 1.5364 0.06073 151 93 35 23
75 I still say 2016 was worse. 1.5359 0.06012 153 94 36 23
76 Are you feeling the Bern now. 1.5359 0.06427 153 100 24 29
77 Game over. Someone played the Trump card. 1.5359 0.06153 153 96 32 25
78 That was close. 1.5333 0.06032 150 92 36 22
79 I think now is the time to buy. 1.5333 0.06106 150 93 34 23
80 I told you not to open the attachment. 1.5270 0.06320 148 95 28 25
81 On the bright side, I'm now less worried about my carbon footprint. 1.5270 0.05708 148 87 44 17
82 I told you not to remove the tag from the pillow. 1.5270 0.06247 148 94 30 24
83 In hindsight, maybe the launch code shouldn't have been 12345. 1.5270 0.05788 148 88 42 18
84 At least we have a shot at getting Hamilton tickets. 1.5238 0.05819 147 88 41 18
85 I'll let you keep the house. 1.5238 0.05898 147 89 39 19
86 Honey, have you seen my Samsung 7? 1.5238 0.05977 147 90 37 20
87 Well at least we don't have to worry about his second term. 1.5238 0.06054 147 91 35 21
88 The first sign was the Cubs winning the World Series. 1.5238 0.05898 147 89 39 19
89 Okay, next time I'll read the instructions! 1.5238 0.05819 147 88 41 18
90 Yea, but think of all the construction jobs he just created! 1.5238 0.05977 147 90 37 20
91 Have you seen the cat? 1.5238 0.05977 147 90 37 20
92 What's it going to take for twitter to suspend his account? 1.5238 0.06131 147 92 33 22
93 Did you remember to lock the front door? 1.5205 0.05768 146 87 42 17
94 So, not even if I am the last man on earth? 1.5205 0.06240 146 93 30 23
95 I suppose this is also my fault. 1.5205 0.06164 146 92 32 22
96 Now you have my complete attention. 1.5205 0.06009 146 90 36 20
97 Cheer up. I hear this is fake news. 1.5205 0.06009 146 90 36 20
98 So.... how was your day? 1.5172 0.05715 145 86 43 16
99 Well, now that I actually am the last man on earth . . . . 1.5172 0.06275 145 93 29 23
100 On the plus side, the 3:00AM tweets have stopped. 1.5172 0.06120 145 91 33 21
101 Not with a bang but a tweet. 1.5172 0.06120 145 91 33 21
102 You seem upset. 1.5139 0.06232 144 92 30 22
103 Yes, I realize I said nothing could be worse than 2016... 1.5139 0.05829 144 87 40 17
104 Well, at least it was a short presidency 1.5139 0.06386 144 94 26 24
105 It's a little late to change your vote. 1.5139 0.06074 144 90 34 20
106 Actually, I have all the time in the world 1.5106 0.05922 141 86 38 17
107 At least he can't tweet anymore. 1.5106 0.06336 141 91 28 22
108 Think we just inherited the earth. 1.5106 0.05922 141 86 38 17
109 Okay. You were right. You DID smell gas. 1.5106 0.06007 141 87 36 18
110 I hope this is fake news 1.5106 0.05836 141 85 40 16
111 For the last time, it's pronounced nuclear, not nucular. 1.5106 0.06336 141 91 28 22
112 Why is everything always MY fault? 1.5106 0.06007 141 87 36 18
113 I swear. There's no one else. 1.5106 0.06174 141 89 32 20
114 Well, it appears we waited too long to move to Canada. 1.5105 0.05776 143 86 41 16
115 You win, he is that crazy. 1.5105 0.06107 143 90 33 20
116 I guess this is all my fault too. 1.5105 0.06107 143 90 33 20
117 Well that was one of our more memorable arguments. 1.5105 0.05944 143 88 37 18
118 Did you turn off the stove? 1.5105 0.06422 143 94 25 24
119 Jeez! The Inauguration was only yesterday! 1.5105 0.06266 143 92 29 22
120 I hear they've finally canceled his Twitter account. 1.5071 0.06208 140 89 31 20
121 I appreciate your dedication to keeping this appointment. 1.5071 0.06208 140 89 31 20
122 Never...ever...ask Siri that again. 1.5071 0.06290 140 90 29 21
123 To think it started as a Twitter war. 1.5071 0.06451 140 92 25 23
124 You are positively glowing. 1.5071 0.06124 140 88 33 19
125 Well, the good news is he can't tweet anymore. 1.5071 0.06451 140 92 25 23
126 On the bright side, Mexico is building a wall to keep us out. 1.5036 0.05987 139 86 36 17
127 Who was the idiot that put the nuclear codes on Twitter? 1.5036 0.06158 139 88 32 19
128 "How much could go wrong in four years," you said. 1.5036 0.06325 139 90 28 21
129 Well, you're not my first choice to repopulate the Earth either. 1.5036 0.06407 139 91 26 22
130 Well at least Hamilton tickets might be available 1.5036 0.06242 139 89 30 20
131 it's still his first year in office, give him a chance ! 1.5036 0.06488 139 92 24 23
132 On second thought, maybe we shouldn't see other people. 1.5036 0.05987 139 86 36 17
133 You said we'd all make it through his first 100 days. You owe me five dollars. 1.5000 0.06019 138 86 35 17
134 Well, the repeal part is done. 1.5000 0.06444 138 91 25 22
135 So...you can have the house 1.5000 0.06277 138 89 29 20
136 You were right. Are you happy now? 1.5000 0.06290 140 91 28 21
137 Okay, he probably shouldn't have tweeted that. 1.5000 0.06125 140 89 32 19
138 Yes, in retrospect, I would change my vote. 1.5000 0.06277 138 89 29 20
139 Well, at least Trump Tower is gone. 1.5000 0.06444 138 91 25 22
140 I was on board for making America great again, but I didn't think they'd start from scratch ... 1.4964 0.06397 137 90 26 21
141 How about now that I actually am the last guy on earth? 1.4964 0.06227 137 88 30 19
142 Not even if I'm the last man on earth? 1.4964 0.06140 137 87 32 18
143 Tell the lawyer you can keep the house. 1.4964 0.06397 137 90 26 21
144 I suppose you're not cooking dinner tonight? 1.4964 0.06052 137 86 34 17
145 Okay. Perhaps aluminum foil should not go in the microwave. 1.4964 0.06140 137 87 32 18
146 Fine. Neither of us keep the house. 1.4964 0.06227 137 88 30 19
147 No, Sharon, I'm not happy now. 1.4964 0.06397 137 90 26 21
148 They took away his Twitter account. 1.4964 0.06644 137 93 20 24
149 Actually, his first week went better than I expected. 1.4964 0.06227 137 88 30 19
150 Uber says 9 minutes barring another attack 1.4964 0.06140 137 87 32 18
151 Apparently, he thought it was the tweet button 1.4964 0.06480 137 91 24 22
152 Get him a chemistry set you said! 1.4964 0.05780 137 83 40 14
153 Well at least we got Obamacare repealed. 1.4926 0.06601 136 92 21 23
154 Remember when you said you wouldn't date me if I were the last man on earth? 1.4926 0.05995 136 85 35 16
155 I wonder what the other button did. 1.4926 0.05716 136 82 41 13
156 You act like it's the end of the world. 1.4926 0.05904 136 84 37 15
157 On a more positive note it eliminates the need for a wall. 1.4926 0.06348 136 89 27 20
158 I can't believe it is only January 21st. 1.4926 0.06262 136 88 29 19
159 ... and it's only January 21st. 1.4926 0.06348 136 89 27 20
160 So, I guess we'll never know whether it was the Russians, the Chinese, or that four hundred pound guy sitting on the edge his bed. 1.4926 0.06683 136 93 19 24
161 Give the man a chance, honey. He’s only been in office a week. 1.4926 0.06085 136 86 33 17
162 Now that I AM the last man on earth, do you feel any differently? 1.4926 0.06174 136 87 31 18
163 Now that was a spectacular Inauguration! 1.4926 0.06683 136 93 19 24
164 OK—Now I'm with her. 1.4926 0.06348 136 89 27 20
165 I'm not worried, he said this is just fake news. 1.4926 0.06262 136 88 29 19
166 "Not great. How was your day? 1.4926 0.05716 136 82 41 13
167 Fine. You were right. I should have read the directions. 1.4926 0.06174 136 87 31 18
168 Well, it was 4 A.M. and I guess he just thought he could tweet on his new, red phone. 1.4926 0.06348 136 89 27 20
169 So apparently Twitter is not a great medium for foreign policy. 1.4926 0.06262 136 88 29 19
170 Are we Great Again yet? 1.4926 0.06262 136 88 29 19
171 Oh please don't tell me you're gay. 1.4926 0.06262 136 88 29 19
172 Well at least we made it to the final two. 1.4926 0.05995 136 85 35 16
173 That was a hell of a tweet 1.4926 0.06348 136 89 27 20
174 The last thing I remember was pulling the lever in the voting booth 1.4926 0.06518 136 91 23 22
175 Where were we? 1.4926 0.05811 136 83 39 14
176 Somehow you're going to make this MY fault. 1.4926 0.05811 136 83 39 14
177 You didn't pierce the potato skin before you put it in the microwave. 1.4851 0.06153 134 86 31 17
178 I've been looking forward to being alone with you. 1.4851 0.06507 134 90 23 21
179 How have things been going otherwise? 1.4851 0.05579 134 80 43 11
180 That was some inauguration, eh? 1.4851 0.06333 134 88 27 19
181 It turned out that Putin didn't like Trump that much. 1.4848 0.05938 132 82 36 14
182 Well it's finally happened, Shirley...We're all dressed up with no place to go. 1.4848 0.06223 132 85 30 17
183 Turns out 140 characters IS enough. 1.4848 0.06496 132 88 24 20
184 C'mon, Judy. I'm literally the last man on Earth. 1.4848 0.06496 132 88 24 20
185 Oh sure, now you want to move to Canada. 1.4848 0.06130 132 84 32 16
186 Why does everything have to be my fault? 1.4848 0.06315 132 86 28 18
187 Well that was the tweet to end all tweets. 1.4809 0.06884 131 92 15 24
188 Somehow I'm not feeling 'Great Again'... 1.4809 0.06534 131 88 23 20
189 Well, actually, I AM the last man on Earth." 1.4809 0.06352 131 86 27 18
190 Who did he tweet this time? 1.4809 0.06443 131 87 25 19
191 Some Inauguration, huh? 1.4809 0.06352 131 86 27 18
192 So--are you still going to the Women's March tomorrow? 1.4809 0.06443 131 87 25 19
193 We'll, Glenda, it looks like I am the last man on Earth. 1.4809 0.05970 131 82 35 14
194 Oh, so this is my fault? 1.4809 0.06164 131 84 31 16
195 January 21, 2017. "Well, that didn't take long." 1.4809 0.06534 131 88 23 20
196 A bigger person might let this go, but I still hate that sweater on you. 1.4809 0.06623 131 89 21 21
197 You still think we should keep the Electoral College? 1.4809 0.06352 131 86 27 18
198 'I think the Inauguration went well, don't you'? 1.4809 0.06164 131 84 31 16
199 The glass is always half empty with you, isn't it? 1.4769 0.06388 130 86 26 18
200 Adam. And you? 1.4769 0.06101 130 83 32 15
201 So, now that I AM the last man on Earth... 1.4769 0.06294 130 85 28 17
202 In real estate we call this an opportunity. 1.4769 0.06003 130 82 34 14
203 But 'Kim Jong Eun is a stinkyface' was a pretty funny tweet ... 1.4769 0.06572 130 88 22 20
204 OK, so I voted wrong -- you act like it's the end of the world! 1.4769 0.06198 130 84 30 16
205 So just to clarify, that was NOT even if I was the last man on earth? 1.4769 0.06101 130 83 32 15
206 Don't care what the neighbors might say, I still think you can control the heat easier with a gas range... 1.4769 0.06294 130 85 28 17
207 Sure, maybe it was Russia. Maybe it was China. For all we know, it was a 400 kiloton guy sitting on his bed in New Jersey! 1.4733 0.06532 131 89 22 20
208 Your exact words were, "Maybe if you were the last man on earth." 1.4733 0.06256 131 86 28 17
209 Apparently, our neighborhood was ruining the view from his golf course. 1.4733 0.06441 131 88 24 19
210 I may not be 'The One.' But I am the one left. 1.4733 0.05968 131 83 34 14
211 Okay, you can have the house. 1.4729 0.05935 129 81 35 13
212 You win. 1.4729 0.06425 129 86 25 18
213 I think we just experienced the 'temperamentally unfit' part. 1.4729 0.06330 129 85 27 17
214 You take the house. 1.4729 0.06036 129 82 33 14
215 Yea, but think of all the construction jobs he just created! 1.4729 0.06135 129 83 31 15
216 All right, what's the SECOND worst that could happen? 1.4729 0.06233 129 84 29 16
217 No, I distinctly remember you saying only if I was the last man on earth. 1.4729 0.06425 129 86 25 18
218 Now that we've leveled the playing field, can we talk? 1.4729 0.05511 129 77 43 9
219 Good party. 1.4729 0.06036 129 82 33 14
220 Remember when you said, "not if you were the last man on earth"? 1.4729 0.06518 129 87 23 19
221 I'm seeing someone else. 1.4729 0.06330 129 85 27 17
222 I voted for change. 1.4729 0.06518 129 87 23 19
223 Well, that was one hell of an inauguration week. 1.4729 0.06233 129 84 29 16
224 So maybe we should scrap the Electoral College. 1.4688 0.06170 128 83 30 15
225 Still think we shouldn't take him literally? 1.4688 0.06366 128 85 26 17
226 So... what are your plans for his second day in office? 1.4688 0.06366 128 85 26 17
227 ...and what do you think we can expect for the SECOND week of the new administration? 1.4688 0.05967 128 81 34 13
228 And to think it's only been ten days since the inauguration. 1.4688 0.06268 128 84 28 16
229 Ok, maybe we do need counseling. 1.4688 0.06069 128 82 32 14
230 To be fair, he's only been in office for a month. 1.4688 0.06268 128 84 28 16
231 And yet they still won't abolish the Electoral College. 1.4688 0.06268 128 84 28 16
232 I told you we shouldn't have gotten Samsung phones! 1.4688 0.06170 128 83 30 15
233 You looked less surrounded by devastation in your profile. 1.4688 0.06069 128 82 32 14
234 I heard that President Trump thought the red button was for room service! 1.4688 0.06649 128 88 20 20
235 I'd like to revisit your "Not even if you were the last man on Earth" statement, Linda. 1.4688 0.06556 128 87 22 19
236 A lot of people are saying this didn't happen. 1.4688 0.05967 128 81 34 13
237 But I'm pretty sure I am the last man on earth, Jean. 1.4688 0.06366 128 85 26 17
238 "Talk about dumb luck...Only female left on earth and it's my 2nd grade teacher"! 1.4651 0.06327 129 86 26 17
239 I suppose it depends on your definition of 'great again.' 1.4646 0.06204 127 83 29 15
240 Why does everything have to be the end of the world with you?? 1.4646 0.06499 127 86 23 18
241 He really got down to business those first 100 days, I'll give him that. 1.4646 0.06304 127 84 27 16
242 I wonder what the next 3 years and 364 days will be like. 1.4646 0.06204 127 83 29 15
243 Trump just tweeted that their first strike was 'overrated'. 1.4646 0.06304 127 84 27 16
244 Well, I AM the last man on earth, and I'd like you to reconsider. 1.4646 0.06499 127 86 23 18
245 I don't think the bus is coming. 1.4646 0.05999 127 81 33 13
246 Happy now? 1.4646 0.05999 127 81 33 13
247 And you said, "How much damage can he possibly do in four years?"!! 1.4646 0.06595 127 87 21 19
248 Honestly, I love you more than anyone else on Earth. 1.4646 0.06304 127 84 27 16
249 Take-out tonight? 1.4646 0.06304 127 84 27 16
250 So... wanna repopulate? 1.4646 0.06102 127 82 31 14
251 I'm starting to think 2016 wasn't that bad... 1.4646 0.05999 127 81 33 13
252 We shouldn't have joked about his penis. 1.4646 0.06499 127 86 23 18
253 Did you have any trouble finding the place? 1.4646 0.05894 127 80 35 12
254 Soooo, you live around here? 1.4646 0.05894 127 80 35 12
255 What do you mean there's another man? 1.4603 0.06340 126 84 26 16
256 Now do you believe I smelled gas? 1.4603 0.06439 126 85 24 17
257 The first 100 days went better than I thought. 1.4603 0.06032 126 81 32 13
258 Do we still have to use a condom? 1.4603 0.06239 126 83 28 15
259 I told you we should move to Canada. 1.4603 0.06032 126 81 32 13
260 Kind of puts climate change on the back burner, doesn’t it? 1.4603 0.06439 126 85 24 17
261 Hey, don't look at me... I voted for Hillary 1.4597 0.06618 124 85 21 18
262 This calls for a selfie 1.4597 0.06618 124 85 21 18
263 Okay, NOW you have my full attention. 1.4597 0.06102 124 80 31 13
264 Ha! They all laughed when we scrunched down under our desks. 1.4597 0.05994 124 79 33 12
265 Well that escalated quickly. 1.4597 0.06102 124 80 31 13
266 I said yes, 'yes the gas is not off'. 1.4597 0.06417 124 83 25 16
267 The good news is they've found our luggage. 1.4597 0.05656 124 76 39 9
268 In retrospect, that last tweet may have been a mistake. 1.4597 0.06518 124 84 23 17
269 ...and anyway, it's pronounced 'nuke-u-lar,' Edna. 1.4597 0.06417 124 83 25 16
270 Does this mean we're cockroaches? 1.4597 0.06417 124 83 25 16
271 Well, at least he didn't use a private server for his government emails 1.4597 0.06417 124 83 25 16
272 Do you think we still have wi-fi? 1.4567 0.05562 127 78 40 9
273 I don't think the bus has ever been this late before. 1.4567 0.06098 127 83 30 14
274 I told you I smelled gas. 1.4567 0.06398 127 86 24 17
275 Now's the best time to buy 1.4567 0.05995 127 82 32 13
276 In retrospect divorce mediation might have been a better choice. 1.4553 0.06350 123 82 26 15
277 You look a bit less cheerful than your online photo. 1.4553 0.05567 123 75 40 8
278 I think we should start seeing other people. 1.4553 0.06244 123 81 28 14
279 So much for cozying up to Putin 1.4553 0.06350 123 82 26 15
280 So...are you single? 1.4553 0.05915 123 78 34 11
281 When I said that George, I didn't think you'd actually be the last man on Earth. 1.4553 0.06556 123 84 22 17
282 So, it appears you did NOT turn off the coffee maker. 1.4553 0.06350 123 82 26 15
283 Give him a fair shot-he's only been in office a week. 1.4553 0.06136 123 80 30 13
284 I know what you said before, but now that I AM the last man on earth....... 1.4553 0.06454 123 83 24 16
285 Sorry, Eve; I'm gay. 1.4553 0.06136 123 80 30 13
286 What a relief! The president just tweeted that reports of total destruction were all fake news. 1.4553 0.06244 123 81 28 14
287 Unfortunately, we still haven't met our deductible. 1.4553 0.06244 123 81 28 14
288 Looks like you'll meet your deductible... 1.4553 0.06244 123 81 28 14
289 Let's eat out tonight. 1.4553 0.05915 123 78 34 11
290 Okay, but let's not forget about Hillary's emails. 1.4553 0.06556 123 84 22 17
291 OK, can we just agree that I was wrong when I said, "it's just an election, it's not the end of the world" and move on? 1.4553 0.06657 123 85 20 18
292 We should start thinking about the midterm elections. 1.4508 0.06170 122 80 29 13
293 As nuclear winters go, it's been quite a mild one. 1.4508 0.06279 122 81 27 14
294 I hear Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin are untouched. 1.4508 0.06595 122 84 21 17
295 Might you reconsider now that I AM the last man on Earth? 1.4508 0.06595 122 84 21 17
296 I don't see a future for us. 1.4508 0.06170 122 80 29 13
297 As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted... 1.4508 0.05832 122 77 35 10
298 Fake news! 1.4508 0.06697 122 85 19 18
299 Somehow I think this will end up being my fault. 1.4508 0.06491 122 83 23 16
300 It's just more fake news. 1.4508 0.06386 122 82 25 15
301 Only four more years. 1.4508 0.06386 122 82 25 15
302 Well, I voted for change. 1.4508 0.06491 122 83 23 16
303 Would I vote for him again? Probably not. 1.4508 0.06595 122 84 21 17
304 No, I did not put something metallic in the microwave. 1.4508 0.06279 122 81 27 14
305 It started with a Tweet. 1.4508 0.06491 122 83 23 16
306 What do you say now? I AM the last man on earth. 1.4472 0.06449 123 84 23 16
307 Don't worry - this is just an invention of the liberal media. 1.4472 0.06239 123 82 27 14
308 Remember when you said, "not even if you where the last man on earth..." 1.4463 0.06205 121 80 28 13
309 So...we're off the hook for dinner with your mom? 1.4463 0.06634 121 84 20 17
310 Well... now I am the last man on earth 1.4463 0.06529 121 83 22 16
311 Well, I AM the last man on earth... 1.4463 0.06423 121 82 24 15
312 I still say give him a chance. 1.4463 0.06093 121 79 30 12
313 I know it wasn't a great first date, but can I call you? 1.4463 0.05862 121 77 34 10
314 Well, now we really have nothing to talk about. 1.4463 0.06093 121 79 30 12
315 I guess Putin didn't think that tweet was funny. 1.4463 0.06529 121 83 22 16
316 Just had to keep tweeting about his hair, didn't you? 1.4463 0.06634 121 84 20 17
317 Well, Martha, he still has three years to make America great again. 1.4463 0.06315 121 81 26 14
318 So, is this your first apocalypse? 1.4463 0.05862 121 77 34 10
319 And you were worried about the repeal of Obamacare. 1.4426 0.05941 122 79 32 11
320 No neighbors and an open concept. Looks like we both get what we want. 1.4426 0.06054 122 80 30 12
321 I was wrong. Things could get worse. 1.4426 0.06165 122 81 28 13
322 On the plus side, Obamacare was repealed. 1.4426 0.06273 122 82 26 14
323 I should have clarified what you meant by nuclear family. 1.4426 0.06792 122 87 16 19
324 I saw fireworks. How was it for you? 1.4426 0.06486 122 84 22 16
325 Have you seen the remote? 1.4417 0.06567 120 83 21 16
326 What do you mean "if" I was the last man on Earth? 1.4417 0.06777 120 85 17 18
327 I think we should try to see other people. 1.4417 0.06239 120 80 27 13
328 Satisfied? 1.4417 0.06351 120 81 25 14
329 Don't blame me. YOU voted for him. 1.4417 0.06351 120 81 25 14
330 One tweet too many? 1.4370 0.06043 119 78 30 11
331 He'll get the hang of it by his second term. 1.4370 0.06160 119 79 28 12
332 And that was just his inaugural speech. 1.4370 0.06160 119 79 28 12
333 Ten bucks says the bus is late! 1.4370 0.06387 119 81 24 14
334 Well, they've taken care of Housing and Urban Development. I guess Energy is next. 1.4370 0.06274 119 80 26 13
335 This seems to be the "for worse" part 1.4370 0.06713 119 84 18 17
336 Oh well, we did vote for change. 1.4370 0.06497 119 82 22 15
337 Why do you always have to go ballistic? 1.4370 0.06387 119 81 24 14
338 This is probably not the best time for me to come out of the closet.... 1.4370 0.06497 119 82 22 15
339 My bucket list has changed. What about yours? 1.4370 0.06043 119 78 30 11
340 I specifically told the travel agent ANCIENT ruins. 1.4370 0.06274 119 80 26 13
341 So much for "Putin likes me and that is an asset"! 1.4370 0.06274 119 80 26 13
342 So...now that I really am the last man on earth... 1.4370 0.06497 119 82 22 15
343 I'm usually more fun on the second date. 1.4370 0.06387 119 81 24 14
344 The good news is, you get to repopulate the earth. The bad news, you get to do it with me. 1.4370 0.06387 119 81 24 14
345 Something tells me the bus isn't coming. 1.4370 0.05924 119 77 32 10
346 I think we should see other people, assuming we can find some. 1.4322 0.06193 118 79 27 12
347 Well it drained the swamp. 1.4322 0.06423 118 81 23 14
348 At least he won't be reelected. 1.4322 0.06645 118 83 19 16
349 Okay, maybe I should have read the instructions. 1.4322 0.06193 118 79 27 12
350 So...are you single? 1.4322 0.06075 118 78 29 11
351 This is going to create tremendous jobs in the construction industry. 1.4322 0.05955 118 77 31 10
352 Well, it looks like we have time to talk now 1.4322 0.06309 118 80 25 13
353 Well, you said you wouldn't marry me unless I was the last man on Earth. 1.4322 0.05955 118 77 31 10
354 Well, you have to admit he did a lot in his first 100 days! 1.4322 0.06645 118 83 19 16
355 Well, this is your chance to say, 'I told you so'. 1.4322 0.06423 118 81 23 14
356 Thank Goodness we finally have the place to ourselves! 1.4322 0.06645 118 83 19 16
357 "Korea's missiles are overrated" he Tweeted. 1.4322 0.06535 118 82 21 15
358 And you were worried about a second term. 1.4322 0.06645 118 83 19 16
359 Well, as it turns out, I am the last man on earth... 1.4322 0.06075 118 78 29 11
360 Have you changed your mind now that I AM the last man? 1.4322 0.06193 118 79 27 12
361 I think it's an appropriate time to talk about our future. 1.4310 0.05506 116 72 38 6
362 I wonder what day two of the Trump presidency is going to be like... 1.4310 0.06270 116 78 26 12
363 To make a country great again, sometimes you need to start from scratch. 1.4310 0.06150 116 77 28 11
364 Well Linda, now I am the last man on Earth. 1.4310 0.06389 116 79 24 13
365 I'm moving out. 1.4310 0.06389 116 79 24 13
366 They say it started as a tweet. 1.4310 0.06842 116 83 16 17
367 "It's only four years," they said. "He can't possibly do that much," they said. 1.4310 0.06732 116 82 18 16
368 Say what you will, at least he didn't have a private e-mail server. 1.4310 0.06619 116 81 20 15
369 Well, that was an interesting 4 years 1.4310 0.06842 116 83 16 17
370 I heard what sounded like a 'tweet', and then a tremendous boom, tremendous boom. 1.4310 0.06732 116 82 18 16
371 First we rebuild a Starbucks. We'll figure out the rest from there. 1.4310 0.06270 116 78 26 12
372 So, is this your first apocalypse? 1.4310 0.06026 116 76 30 10
373 At least this hurts his chances for a second term! 1.4310 0.06026 116 76 30 10
374 So what's the worst thing that can happen? 1.4310 0.05901 116 75 32 9
375 I guess your mother won't be staying with us after all. 1.4310 0.06150 116 77 28 11
376 Maryanne, do you remember when you said, 'Maybe if you were the last guy on earth.'?" 1.4310 0.06150 116 77 28 11
377 And then Kim Jong-un tweeted, "Meryl Streep isn't overrated, Helen Mirren is overrated." 1.4310 0.06150 116 77 28 11
378 I was wrong, you were right. Happy? 1.4310 0.06505 116 80 22 14
379 ...and it's only been three days since the Inauguration! 1.4310 0.06505 116 80 22 14
380 On the plus side, our lawyers won't be getting anything either. 1.4310 0.06270 116 78 26 12
381 No wonder we could get tickets. 1.4310 0.06026 116 76 30 10
382 Fake news--all of it. 1.4286 0.06599 119 84 19 16
383 And I say we should reserve judgement till we see what he does in his second hundred days. 1.4286 0.06490 119 83 21 15
384 Otherwise, it was a great 100 days. 1.4286 0.06152 119 80 27 12
385 Seriously? Not even if I really was the last man on earth? 1.4286 0.05794 119 77 33 9
386 I told you the inauguration would be a blast 1.4286 0.06490 119 83 21 15
387 On the bright side; no more tweets. 1.4286 0.06490 119 83 21 15
388 So, this is what 'Great Again' looks like. 1.4286 0.06599 119 84 19 16
389 You can cross de-cluttering off your to-do list. 1.4286 0.05794 119 77 33 9
390 Well, it does make the divorce settlement easier. 1.4261 0.06425 115 79 23 13
391 Yeah, but what about Hillary's emails? 1.4261 0.06425 115 79 23 13
392 So, repopulate? 1.4261 0.06305 115 78 25 12
393 We'll always have the Pre-Apocalypse. 1.4261 0.06183 115 77 27 11
394 I suppose this is all my fault, too. 1.4261 0.06183 115 77 27 11
395 Think harder! I'm sure you can find a way to blame me for this. 1.4261 0.05931 115 75 31 9
396 See? I told you that he had a foreign policy. 1.4261 0.06183 115 77 27 11
397 If Facebook still existed, I'd unfriend you. 1.4261 0.06425 115 79 23 13
398 I heard it's just fake news 1.4261 0.06305 115 78 25 12
399 Is it not our duty to at least try to repopulate the earth? 1.4261 0.06059 115 76 29 10
400 Don't you get it? I really am the last man on earth 1.4261 0.06183 115 77 27 11
401 Honey, you're overreacting. It's not the end of the world. 1.4261 0.06305 115 78 25 12
402 So...can I get you a brick or anything? 1.4261 0.06183 115 77 27 11
403 Ok, NOW we can make America great again. 1.4261 0.06543 115 80 21 14
404 "I wonder what he tweeted this time". 1.4261 0.06884 115 83 15 17
405 Would it help if I said I'm sorry. 1.4261 0.06305 115 78 25 12
406 Okay, in retrospect maybe he did show signs of self-serving narcissistic megalomania. 1.4261 0.06994 115 84 13 18
407 Mind if I smoke? 1.4261 0.06059 115 76 29 10
408 I suppose you'll find some way to blame this all on me. 1.4261 0.05801 115 74 33 8
409 Aside from this, how have you been? 1.4261 0.06305 115 78 25 12
410 Great enough for you? 1.4261 0.06772 115 82 17 16
411 Do you think it was that last tweet? 1.4261 0.06305 115 78 25 12
412 You looked younger in your picture. 1.4211 0.06698 114 81 18 15
413 So it's a twenty minute wait for a table. It's not the end of the world. 1.4211 0.06698 114 81 18 15
414 So much for the Samsung Galaxy. 1.4211 0.06462 114 79 22 13
415 I still say there is no proof that this was caused by human activity. 1.4211 0.06341 114 78 24 12
416 I suppose you're going to say 'I told you so'. 1.4211 0.05962 114 75 30 9
417 Now that we ARE the last two people on earth, have you reconsidered? 1.4211 0.06581 114 80 20 14
418 He did this with a tweet? 1.4211 0.06698 114 81 18 15
419 On the bright side, it is unusally warm for this time of year. 1.4211 0.05962 114 75 30 9
420 But I am the last man on earth. 1.4211 0.06581 114 80 20 14
421 Perhaps you would like to re-think your position now that I actually am the last man on Earth. 1.4211 0.06217 114 77 26 11
422 Do you still think inviting both sets of parents was a good idea? 1.4174 0.06416 115 80 22 13
423 He may have made an error in judgment, but we still don't know what was in Hillary's emails. 1.4174 0.06416 115 80 22 13
424 It looked much different in the brochure. 1.4174 0.06049 115 77 28 10
425 His Twitter feed says it didn't happen. 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
426 On the plus side, we repealed Obamacare. 1.4159 0.05859 113 74 31 8
427 Yeah, but what about those emails? 1.4159 0.06499 113 79 21 13
428 Your place or mine? 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
429 Well you got your wish - no more Sunday football. 1.4159 0.06251 113 77 25 11
430 I'm willing to concede they probably should've taken away his Twitter. 1.4159 0.05859 113 74 31 8
431 And to think he isn't officially President yet.... 1.4159 0.06968 113 83 13 17
432 NOW, how's Canada looking to you? 1.4159 0.06251 113 77 25 11
433 Not even if I was the only man on earth, huh? 1.4159 0.06499 113 79 21 13
434 I still say we should give him a chance. 1.4159 0.05993 113 75 29 9
435 At least we won! 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
436 And you said we wouldn't survive a Trump presidency! 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
437 Who'd have thought we could afford a place in Manhattan? 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
438 Turns out elections DO have consequences. 1.4159 0.06251 113 77 25 11
439 Well, I don't smell gas anymore. 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
440 But I really am the last man on earth. 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
441 I just don’t understand how this could have happened. He was so good on ‘The Apprentice’! 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
442 Do you still think we should start seeing other people? 1.4159 0.06499 113 79 21 13
443 Considering the circumstances, I'm willing to waive my broker's fee. 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
444 You don't look like your profile picture either. 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
445 I wonder if we'll get our security deposit back. 1.4159 0.05440 113 71 37 5
446 The wall looks tremendous, though. 1.4159 0.06499 113 79 21 13
447 I think you should stop trying to cook. 1.4159 0.06968 113 83 13 17
448 Come to think of it, maybe I didn't turn the gas off. 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
449 You just had to go and buy the Samsung Galaxy Note 7. 1.4159 0.06499 113 79 21 13
450 Well, the Earth isn’t going to repopulate itself. 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
451 At least it's a dry heat. 1.4159 0.06123 113 76 27 10
452 My ex-place or yours? 1.4159 0.06123 113 76 27 10
453 Saturday the 21st. Why? 1.4159 0.06251 113 77 25 11
454 At least he's off Twitter. 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
455 Well, we made it through day 1.... 1.4159 0.06251 113 77 25 11
456 At least we're a nuclear family again. 1.4159 0.05859 113 74 31 8
457 So...other than that, how was your day? 1.4159 0.06123 113 76 27 10
458 At least he didn't use his own email server. 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
459 Those four years sure flew by, didn't they? 1.4159 0.06619 113 80 19 14
460 Yeah but still... the e-mails! 1.4118 0.07153 102 74 14 14
461 To be fair Linda, Russia insulted us first. 1.4107 0.06156 112 76 26 10
462 Well, I'm the last man earth. What do you say? 1.4107 0.06156 112 76 26 10
463 I guess this makes you the new Eve. 1.4107 0.06024 112 75 28 9
464 They're already rebuilding the Starbucks. 1.4107 0.06156 112 76 26 10
465 Let's see if the cockroaches are alive. 1.4107 0.05888 112 74 30 8
466 I can't believe you locked the keys inside the bunker. 1.4107 0.06536 112 79 20 13
467 I thought we were going to be O.K. but then Putin tweeted something about his hair. 1.4107 0.06412 112 78 22 12
468 So, I forgot your birthday. It's not the end of the world. 1.4107 0.06285 112 77 24 11
469 We'll "repopulate the world" when I don't have a headache. 1.4107 0.06285 112 77 24 11
470 Okay, so maybe it is time to get rid of the electoral college. 1.4107 0.06156 112 76 26 10
471 They're saying it’s a buyer’s market though. 1.4107 0.05750 112 73 32 7
472 Well Louise, I think now we know what that button does. 1.4107 0.06658 112 80 18 14
473 Give it another 100 days. 1.4107 0.06156 112 76 26 10
474 Really! You've never made a mistake? 1.4107 0.06285 112 77 24 11
475 Maybe we should have voted. 1.4107 0.06536 112 79 20 13
476 My ex-place or yours? 1.4107 0.06024 112 75 28 9
477 Well...he did say it was going to be "huuuge". 1.4091 0.06496 110 77 21 12
478 Its hard to believe the inauguration was just last night... 1.4091 0.06623 110 78 19 13
479 At least we still have Obamacare. 1.4091 0.06234 110 75 25 10
480 But I AM the last man in the world. 1.4091 0.06496 110 77 21 12
481 I'm the Senate. You be the House. 1.4091 0.06623 110 78 19 13
482 And I suppose this is my fault too? 1.4091 0.06234 110 75 25 10
483 I know when you say "I'm fine" like that, it's not actually fine. 1.4091 0.06098 110 74 27 9
484 And my mother is still coming. 1.4091 0.06098 110 74 27 9
485 Give the guy a chance. The media always blows things out of proportion. 1.4091 0.05960 110 73 29 8
486 I guess it's up to us, Eve. 1.4091 0.06366 110 76 23 11
487 He said it was going to be huge. 1.4091 0.06366 110 76 23 11
488 I think Tripadvisor has been hacked. 1.4091 0.06496 110 77 21 12
489 Trump tweeted that we won. 1.4091 0.06366 110 76 23 11
490 If only we met under different circumstances. 1.4091 0.05960 110 73 29 8
491 Even though I AM the last man on Earth? 1.4091 0.06234 110 75 25 10
492 And if I WAS the last man on earth? 1.4091 0.05818 110 72 31 7
493 But it pales in comparison to that private email server. 1.4091 0.06496 110 77 21 12
494 I too enjoy long romantic walks through the apocalypse 1.4091 0.06496 110 77 21 12
495 Alright, I did leave the oven on. 1.4091 0.06098 110 74 27 9
496 At least they repealed Obamacare. 1.4091 0.06234 110 75 25 10
497 I don't care if you are the only person left; you don't look anything like your photo 1.4091 0.06234 110 75 25 10
498 I thought Aleppo was one of the Marx brothers. 1.4091 0.06623 110 78 19 13
499 That was one hell of an inauguration 1.4091 0.06366 110 76 23 11
500 Do hou have any plans for tonight ? 1.4091 0.06623 110 78 19 13
501 It’s amazing what some people can accomplish with just 140 characters. 1.4091 0.06623 110 78 19 13
502 Well, the roaches ARE dead, aren't they? 1.4091 0.05818 110 72 31 7
503 This certainly simplifies the divorce settlement. 1.4091 0.06098 110 74 27 9
504 Now you've ruined everything. 1.4071 0.06609 113 81 18 14
505 Remind me again why the electoral college is so great. 1.4071 0.06365 113 79 22 12
506 I miss the old neighborhood. 1.4071 0.06365 113 79 22 12
507 So, was that the first time you used a pressure cooker ?? 1.4071 0.05711 113 74 32 7
508 I dunno. What do you want to do? 1.4071 0.06112 113 77 26 10
509 Everything was fine until Trump tweeted, "Russian arsenal highly overrated. Putin #sad!" 1.4071 0.06365 113 79 22 12
510 Looks like I'm the last man. Still no? 1.4071 0.06488 113 80 20 13
511 I guess that was Trump's last tweet. 1.4071 0.06488 113 80 20 13
512 I expected you to choose divorce, not the nuclear option. 1.4071 0.06365 113 79 22 12
513 So...what do you like to do for fun? 1.4054 0.06054 111 75 27 9
514 OK, Gladys, now that I actually AM the last man on earth, what was it you were saying? 1.4054 0.06054 111 75 27 9
515 So, would you like to hear my side? 1.4054 0.06319 111 77 23 11
516 On the bright side, the swamp's been drained. 1.4040 0.06722 99 69 20 10
517 You lost, we won. Get over it 1.4037 0.06912 109 80 14 15
518 Personally, I'm surprised. I thought we'd get a month out of him before this would happen." 1.4037 0.06401 109 76 22 11
519 It's post-apocalyptic, not dystopian. 1.4037 0.06533 109 77 20 12
520 How's that protest vote feeling now? 1.4037 0.06533 109 77 20 12
521 All right. You win. 1.4037 0.06533 109 77 20 12
522 So much for the first 100 days! 1.4037 0.06401 109 76 22 11
523 Maybe next Christmas we don't host both our families. 1.4037 0.06533 109 77 20 12
524 So I said, so he won, what's the worst that could happen? 1.4037 0.06912 109 80 14 15
525 My first dates usually don't go this well. 1.4037 0.06267 109 75 24 10
526 I told you set the oven at 350, but noooooo.... 1.4037 0.06788 109 79 16 14
527 I can make this up to you. 1.4037 0.06533 109 77 20 12
528 ' Illusionist overreach.' "YOU THINK? " 1.4037 0.07153 109 82 10 17
529 You voted for him. 1.4037 0.05990 109 73 28 8
530 I told you it was real news. 1.4037 0.06130 109 74 26 9
531 You can keep the house. 1.4037 0.05990 109 73 28 8
532 What do you mean not if I was the last man on earth? I am the last man on earth. 1.4037 0.06533 109 77 20 12
533 Oh, that's just fake news -- we're definitely great again. 1.4037 0.06401 109 76 22 11
534 Okay, I gave him a chance. Now what? 1.4037 0.06130 109 74 26 9
535 So, the good news is that you are insured. 1.4037 0.06130 109 74 26 9
536 That was some inauguration! 1.4037 0.05990 109 73 28 8
537 Okay. You were right. 1.4037 0.06661 109 78 18 13
538 Looks like one of us will have the last word after all. 1.4037 0.06661 109 78 18 13
539 I'll have to check but I believe State Farm. 1.4037 0.06267 109 75 24 10
540 Remind me of the things you would do if I was the last man on earth. 1.4000 0.06611 110 79 18 13
541 So how long have you been on the post-apocalyptic dating site? 1.4000 0.06085 110 75 26 9
542 Selfie? 1.4000 0.06221 110 76 24 10
543 You just had to touch the red button. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
544 I think it's best I leave the cooking to you from now on. 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
545 I'm still not sleeping with you. 1.3981 0.06437 108 76 21 11
546 Those four years really flew by. 1.3981 0.06700 108 78 17 13
547 I know, but what about her emails. 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
548 Melania thought it was an eyesore. 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
549 I don't know. What do you wanna do? 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
550 Did you unplug the iron? 1.3981 0.06020 108 73 27 8
551 I'm telling you, this "nuclear war" is fake news fabricated by the liberal media. 1.3981 0.06828 108 79 15 14
552 I asked you not to hit control-alt-delete. 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
553 Tweeting "you don't have the guts to push the button" may have been a little impulsive. 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
554 Oh and I suppose Hillary would have done better. 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
555 All in all, I think the Inauguration went well. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
556 Fine, but Obama is the second-worst. 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
557 I think I hear the smoke alarm. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
558 The human race is in trouble; I've had a vasectomy. 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
559 How about Hillary's emails though? 1.3981 0.06700 108 78 17 13
560 Well, you were the one who said you wanted to start over. 1.3981 0.05725 108 71 31 6
561 Don't worry. He'll Make Armageddon Great Again. 1.3981 0.06828 108 79 15 14
562 Don't worry. The House republicans will rein him in any day now. 1.3981 0.06828 108 79 15 14
563 Next time, don't ask them to warm up the croissant. 1.3981 0.06437 108 76 21 11
564 Yes, I voted for change, why do you ask? 1.3981 0.06700 108 78 17 13
565 What makes you so sure we missed the last bus? 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
566 No regrets whatsoever! Have you forgotten all the emails she deleted? 1.3981 0.06954 108 80 13 15
567 I'm still convinced this is just more fake news. 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
568 OK, fine. I guess in hindsight her emails weren't that bad. 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
569 Who knew Meryl Streep had nukes? 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
570 I don't know. What do you want to do tonight? 1.3981 0.05875 108 72 29 7
571 According to eHarmony, we have a lot in common. 1.3981 0.06828 108 79 15 14
572 Yes I'm sure I turned the stove off! 1.3981 0.05725 108 71 31 6
573 All I'm saying is you may have overreacted. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
574 Still, no. 1.3981 0.06020 108 73 27 8
575 Yeah but we won. 1.3981 0.06301 108 75 23 10
576 I assumed it was microwave safe. 1.3981 0.06570 108 77 19 12
577 Speaking of languages, how's your Russian? 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
578 So, is America Great Again yet? 1.3945 0.06388 109 77 21 11
579 Do you still want to argue about who gets the house? 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
580 At least we got rid of Obamacare. 1.3945 0.06520 109 78 19 12
581 Well, our decluttering issue has been resolved. 1.3925 0.05751 107 71 30 6
582 'Just give him a chance' you said. 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
583 I guess "till death do us part" still applies. 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
584 I still like that he says what's on his mind, though 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
585 I think the first thing we should do is repopulate the planet. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
586 How was traffic? 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
587 This is not the change I voted for. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
588 Apparently we won. 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
589 Why is it always my fault? 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
590 This would be the week I make finalist in The New Yorker reverse caption contest! 1.3925 0.06996 107 80 12 15
591 Are we Great Again yet? 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
592 So much for the smooth transition of power..... 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
593 Okay. This time maybe I did ruin everything. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
594 Your rubble or mine? 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
595 I still want a divorce, Carl. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
596 I'm pretty sure we can make it great again... 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
597 Fine! Next time we'll call the electrician. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
598 You know, it's not the end of the world. 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
599 I'd hate to see a category 5 tweetstorm. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
600 Is America great yet? 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
601 You did say if I was the last man standing.... 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
602 Is this a bad time to talk? 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
603 So...How's that "Make America Great Again" thing working out for you so far? 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
604 I'm guessing we won't be seeing our luggage anytime soon.... 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
605 Now you understood why you don't put metal in a microwave. 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
606 On a totally different topic, how about if we let women run things for a while? 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
607 I guess it depends on your definition of "great". 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
608 Your hair looks particularly lovely this morning. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
609 You're the one who pulled my finger. 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
610 You did say "if you were the last man on Earth..." 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
611 You ruin everything. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
612 So, how do you feel about long walks in the rain, cuddling, and hoarding canned goods? 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
613 Now that I really am the last man on earth, have you reconsidered? 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
614 Don't look at me! I voted for Clinton! 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
615 Do you live around here? 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
616 Oh,like Hillary's first 100 days would have gone any smoother! 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
617 I'm just not feeling post-apocalyptic yet. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
618 At least there will be no more tweets. 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
619 When I said to nuke it, I meant for you to use the microwave. 1.3925 0.06050 107 73 26 8
620 Now can I talk? 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
621 At least now we won't have to build a Wall. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
622 It's not the end of the world. 1.3925 0.06335 107 75 22 10
623 Take out for dinner? 1.3925 0.06739 107 78 16 13
624 Mistakes were made. 1.3925 0.06472 107 76 20 11
625 Do you happen to have a harmonica? 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
626 Well then, day one of the Trump Presidency wasn't so bad, eh? 1.3925 0.06607 107 77 18 12
627 Yes, I am happy we're great again. 1.3922 0.06705 102 73 18 11
628 I know I said I'd only date you if you are the last man on earth, but.... 1.3889 0.06687 108 79 16 13
629 He'll act more presidential after the inauguration. 1.3889 0.06005 108 74 26 8
630 Trump. Why do you ask? 1.3868 0.06779 106 78 15 13
631 Next year, we are using my travel agent. 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
632 See, I told you he personally responds to every tweet. 1.3868 0.06369 106 75 21 10
633 So...is this your first stab at post-apocalyptic dating? 1.3868 0.05930 106 72 27 7
634 Check twitter 1.3868 0.06910 106 79 13 14
635 Yeah, but Hillary's emails. 1.3868 0.06645 106 77 17 12
636 So. Are you still optimistic? 1.3868 0.05930 106 72 27 7
637 Do you smell gas? 1.3861 0.06129 101 69 25 7
638 Happy with your level playing field? 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
639 Well... THAT could have gone better. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
640 Mistakes were made. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
641 We haven't had an argument like that in quite a while 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
642 I still feel that I need to date other women. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
643 Would it have killed you to have left the tag on the damn pillow? 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
644 I should have voted. 1.3846 0.06874 104 77 14 13
645 So I suppose you're thinking this is my fault. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
646 I read in your profile that nothing fazes you. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
647 I used to know a good Italian place near here. 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
648 Too bad about that typo on twitter. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
649 well, there goes the neighborhood. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
650 Did you cancel the paper? 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
651 Next time launch codes should be longer than a tweet. 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
652 Okay, so that's decluttering done. What's step two? 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
653 Any chance this is fake news? 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
654 I don't care if I am the last man on Earth, I'm still gay. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
655 OK. So having both sets of in-laws come for the holidays wasn't the greatest idea. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
656 Okay, we're in agreement: No snakes, no apples. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
657 Do you live around here? 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
658 At least we're out of the house. 1.3846 0.05685 104 69 30 5
659 There you go again. Always blowing things up out of proportion! 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
660 But the good news is, I finally found something that works on bedbugs. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
661 Next time, can I just call an electrician? 1.3846 0.05847 104 70 28 6
662 I told you I thought I smelled gas. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
663 No thanks, I'm gay. 1.3846 0.06874 104 77 14 13
664 That's the last time we invite both our families on the same night! 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
665 Do you still want to wait for Godot? 1.3846 0.06874 104 77 14 13
666 'Just another inauguration,' you kept telling me. 'What could possibly go wrong?' 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
667 We were warned, yes, but it was fake warned. 1.3846 0.06454 104 74 20 10
668 Satisfied? 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
669 Well, you said you wanted to get rid of the clutter. 1.3846 0.05847 104 70 28 6
670 When you cross your arms like that I think that we're not going to re-populate the planet. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
671 Nobody said being great again would be easy. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
672 Maybe these intelligence briefings could have been useful, after all. 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
673 Didn't you wonder why the air fare was so cheap? 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
674 Alright, maybe Trump wasn't the best choice. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
675 Well Mr. "Just Give Trump a Chance," you're awfully quiet today. 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
676 Told ya. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
677 All I'm saying is I think a cooking class could be helpful... 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
678 All this because of a stupid tweet! 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
679 So, what did you think of the inauguration? 1.3846 0.06307 104 73 22 9
680 Well, you voted for change. Happy? 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
681 He thought he hit the button to send a tweet, but obviously he was wrong. 1.3846 0.06737 104 76 16 12
682 Well, he did keep some parts of the Affordable Care Act. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
683 For the last time, go see a gastroenterologist. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
684 We'll get along better if we never discuss who voted for who. 1.3832 0.06034 107 74 25 8
685 Let me just remind you that YOU voted for him too! 1.3810 0.05958 105 72 26 7
686 Next time you think you smell gas, tell me. 1.3810 0.06110 105 73 24 8
687 For my online dates, I always meet in a public place. 1.3810 0.06110 105 73 24 8
688 Crazy how we keep getting set up on Match. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
689 And I suppose this is my fault isn't it? 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
690 If we can make it here, we can make it anywhere. 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
691 Okay, you can have the house. 1.3786 0.06915 103 77 13 13
692 OK, next year we'll go where you want. 1.3786 0.06489 103 74 19 10
693 Should we start repopulating? 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
694 Still, what's the worst that can happen? 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
695 At least 2016 is over. 1.3786 0.05873 103 70 27 6
696 Yes, there is time now, but I have a headache. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
697 It was a great apocalypse. Huge! 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
698 I'll admit that my support of the Electoral College is starting to wane. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
699 Ok, I should've read the manual! 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
700 We'll always have Paris... 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
701 Oh what, like Hillary would have been any better? 1.3786 0.06634 103 75 17 11
702 The timing may be bad, but I want a divorce. 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
703 Well at least America's great again. 1.3786 0.06489 103 74 19 10
704 On the plus side, I was able to drop the cable company. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
705 Shiela was talking about getting a group together to reinvent the wheel. 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
706 Yes, but without the internet how can I be certain you are the last man on Earth? 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
707 I was hoping to surprise you with dinner. 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
708 That's the last time I try to give the cat a pill! 1.3786 0.06634 103 75 17 11
709 They said not to try it at home 1.3786 0.06915 103 77 13 13
710 I always wondered what a level playing field would look like. 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
711 Just what make you think I did not read the directions. 1.3786 0.06776 103 76 15 12
712 Remember what you said you'd do only if I was the last man on earth. Well... 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
713 Did you remember to cancel the paper 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
714 I like you, but not 'last night on earth' like you.' 1.3786 0.06634 103 75 17 11
715 Congratulations, Agnes, you prattled on til doomsday. 1.3786 0.06634 103 75 17 11
716 Well, we made it. The 0.1 per cent. 1.3750 0.06436 104 75 19 10
717 Are you still a Republican? 1.3750 0.06720 104 77 15 12
718 So now do you believe that elections have consequences? 1.3750 0.06436 104 75 19 10
719 It doesn't seem great again. 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
720 What really upsets me is that I can't find my 'Make America Great Again' cap. 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
721 To think it all began with a Tweet. 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
722 So, I guess that makes me the last man on earth. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
723 He's been tweeting again. 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
724 Okay, maybe that vote for Trump wasn't the best decision of my life ... 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
725 We should have sold when we had the chance. 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
726 Any idea where the Dow closed today? 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
727 Do you remember whether our deductible was $500 or $1,000? 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
728 It looked nicer in the brochure. 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
729 I still think couples counseling would have been worth a try. 1.3725 0.05899 102 70 26 6
730 So I guess I shouldn't ask what's for dinner? 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
731 At least Tinder still works. 1.3725 0.05899 102 70 26 6
732 Are we eating out, again?! 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
733 Have you seen my "Make America great again" hat? 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
734 He said he liked Putin, he didn't say Putin liked him. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
735 Well, Hillary would've been worse. 1.3725 0.06815 102 76 14 12
736 Still think your protest vote was worth it? 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
737 On the brighter side, Bernie is running in 2020! 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
738 Well now I AM the last man on earth, so whaddya say? 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
739 Want to start a post-nuclear family? 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
740 Maybe this one time, we should have just gone to bed angry. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
741 Don't look at me. I voted for Hillary. 1.3725 0.06815 102 76 14 12
742 Otherwise, how was your day? 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
743 Get over it. Everybody farts. 1.3725 0.06956 102 77 12 13
744 It's kind of boring with no zombies. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
745 You up for repopulating the earth? 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
746 Well that escalated quickly. 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
747 So, what stage of "make America great again" is this ? 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
748 Your place or mine? 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
749 Maybe her private email server wasn't so bad after all. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
750 It doesn't matter what war zone I take you to, you're never satisfied. 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
751 Of course I'd vote for him again. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
752 I hear the Waffle House is still open. 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
753 Actually, I think we are still in Kansas. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
754 What a coincidence - I am the last man on earth. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
755 Fake apocalypse. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
756 Are we still doing brunch? 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
757 Is your wifi working? 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
758 A smaller America will be easier to make great again. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
759 On the other hand, I hear his beautiful wall is doing great. 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
760 ....and then the President started mocking Kim Jong Il and I turned off the TV and fell asleep. 1.3725 0.06956 102 77 12 13
761 Well, it's only four years 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
762 Look on the bright side... You say we never get out of the house. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
763 I don't mean to brag, but I am the last man on Earth. 1.3725 0.06815 102 76 14 12
764 No, I don't think we'll get our deposit back. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
765 Don't give me that look. You voted for him, too. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
766 I know the last thing you want to hear right now is 'I told you so.' 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
767 I suppose this is somehow all my fault? 1.3725 0.06815 102 76 14 12
768 This is why we can't have nice things. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
769 What's a nice girl like you doing in an apocalypse like this? 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
770 At least he didn't have a private server 1.3725 0.06815 102 76 14 12
771 No, I did not put metal in the microwave. 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
772 See, I told you not to put foil in the microwave. 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
773 I've decided to give up smoking. 1.3725 0.06061 102 71 24 7
774 I don't know. Let's at least give him a chance. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
775 No more 5 alarm chili 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
776 What do we do now that we're "great" again? 1.3689 0.06758 103 77 14 12
777 I've lived in Detroit all my life. Why do you ask? 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
778 Has it really been just six month since Ben Carson was confirmed? 1.3689 0.07168 103 80 8 15
779 It could be Russia, it could be China, it could be Donald sitting in his bed. 1.3689 0.06758 103 77 14 12
780 In retrospect I would have preferred a global warning. 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
781 It's not like it's the end of the world. 1.3689 0.05852 103 71 26 6
782 So, did you really mean that last-man-on-earth thing ? 1.3689 0.06616 103 76 16 11
783 Well, we've been wanting to become minimalists. 1.3689 0.05687 103 70 28 5
784 So, remember when you said, "Not if we were the last two people on earth?" 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
785 And we never saw the tax returns. 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
786 Well, I think you're overreacting. 1.3689 0.06013 103 72 24 7
787 Sorry. I didn't think he'd win. 1.3689 0.06758 103 77 14 12
788 Well, it was, "huuuge." 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
789 How many times do I have to say it, Helen? If I could go back and change my vote, I would. 1.3689 0.06169 103 73 22 8
790 So, has my one in a billion chance improved any? 1.3689 0.06169 103 73 22 8
791 Our carbon footprint can only get smaller now. 1.3689 0.05687 103 70 28 5
792 I blame the media 1.3689 0.06470 103 75 18 10
793 I apologize. I overreacted. 1.3689 0.05852 103 71 26 6
794 Care to take back that 'last man on Earth' comment? 1.3689 0.06616 103 76 16 11
795 Not even if I was the last man on earth? 1.3689 0.06321 103 74 20 9
796 I told you our marriage would survive. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
797 So your lawyer wasn't bluffing. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
798 Now that we have cleared the air... 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
799 What difference does it make who left the oven on? 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
800 You realize, of course, that I am, in fact, the last person on earth. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
801 His tweet about this ought to be really good. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
802 I guess elections do have consequences. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
803 Now is the time to get in. 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
804 I feel like I am not getting enough credit for still being alive. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
805 But what about her emails?!! 1.3663 0.06854 101 76 13 12
806 Are you happy now? 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
807 The drone delivery system still has a few bugs. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
808 Sorry Arnold, I just don't see a future for us. 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
809 Where would you like to go for dinner? 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
810 'Nothing much. What's new with you?' 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
811 Hottest one-night-stand I'VE every experienced! 1.3663 0.06997 101 77 11 13
812 But at least he's not a career politician. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
813 Okay, you're right. Happy now? 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
814 Trumpageddon. 1.3663 0.06854 101 76 13 12
815 Martha, It could be the Russians or It could be a 400 pound guy in New Jersey. 1.3663 0.06708 101 75 15 11
816 I think we should keep looking. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
817 And to think it all started with a tweet.... 1.3663 0.06854 101 76 13 12
818 Well, we solved that nasty immigrant problem! 1.3663 0.06708 101 75 15 11
819 What was it you said about my being the last man on earth? 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
820 On the bright side, we got out of dinner with The Petersons on Saturday. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
821 "Well, it's been a blast". 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
822 Look what you did now, Frank. I told you not to remove the tag from the mattress. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
823 Heck of a tweet, huh? 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
824 I told you I was lactose intolerant. 1.3663 0.06708 101 75 15 11
825 Is that a new shade of lipstick? 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
826 So do I have your undivided attention now? 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
827 I'm wondering if this will have an effect on the mid-term elections. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
828 All I did was tweet that our neighborhood went 100% for Hillary 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
829 You wanted a level playing field. 1.3663 0.05213 101 66 33 2
830 So we're agreed? We tell everyone we found it like this. 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
831 Alright already, yes, I should have read the instructions. 1.3663 0.06708 101 75 15 11
832 So what do you think of the 2nd amendment now? 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
833 This is not what I imagined "Great Again" would be like. 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
834 Pull my finger, he said. . . 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
835 Well, we finally have nothing left to talk about. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
836 I guess this means your mother won't be staying with us anytime soon. 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
837 Okay, okay, I should have voted for her. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
838 Don't blame me. YOU voted for him. 1.3663 0.06854 101 76 13 12
839 It still is a very walkable neighborhood. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
840 Ah. alone at last! 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
841 "Are you willing to reconsider now that I actually am the last man on Earth"? 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
842 A transfer of power always has some glitches. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
843 Happy now? 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
844 Remember when I said I would not marry you if you were the last woman on earth? 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
845 Remember all those times you said, "Not if you were the last man on earth!"? 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
846 So this is great again. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
847 At least he didn't use a private e-mail server. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
848 Yeah, but Hillary would've been worse. 1.3663 0.06708 101 75 15 11
849 Fine, I'll say it. I'm sorry I voted for Trump. Feel better? 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
850 Oops, I guess we forgot to childproof the red button. 1.3663 0.06997 101 77 11 13
851 Look on the bright side. We still have each other. 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
852 I said not even if we were the last two people on Earth. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
853 I thought he was just gonna blow up Washington. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
854 When you called me and said "there goes the neighborhood" I thought you meant.... 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
855 I just tweeted that his hair looks fake. 1.3663 0.06854 101 76 13 12
856 I still say I could never have voted for someone who used a private email server. 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
857 But what if I WERE the last man on Earth? 1.3636 0.06168 99 70 22 7
858 Would this be a good week to have your mother visit? 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
859 No wonder we could get tickets. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
860 Yes, NOW it's appropriate to call it a meteorite. 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
861 The last thing I heard him say was, "What does this shiny button do?" 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
862 Well, apocalyptic change was one of his campaign promises... 1.3636 0.06168 99 70 22 7
863 Why is it MY job to change the batteries in the smoke detector? 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
864 Now that I'm the last man on earth... 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
865 You say tor-nay-do, I say tor-nah-do. 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
866 Still glad you voted for Trump? 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
867 Don't worry, President Trump said it wasn't the Russians 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
868 If this is repeal, where is replace? 1.3636 0.07100 99 76 10 13
869 Well, Is it great again? 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
870 Come to think of it, I did smell gas. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
871 And now we make it great again. 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
872 I blame the media 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
873 Okay, you're right. I should have voted for Hillary. 1.3636 0.07100 99 76 10 13
874 The bus might be a little late today. 1.3636 0.05824 99 68 26 5
875 When you said you wanted us to start from scratch, this is not what I thought you meant. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
876 Fake news! 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
877 Once we get a Starbucks, this neighborhood will be very desirable. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
878 Please don't say "I told you so." 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
879 Well, the hotel's website was accurate about being 'close to all the action'... 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
880 April 29, 2017 "And this was just the first 100 days." 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
881 At least we were right.... 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
882 I didn't know making America Great Again meant starting from scratch. 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
883 I told you we should have moved to Canada! 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
884 Mainstream media got it wrong; Trump and Putin weren't as friendly as they thought. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
885 At least we still have ObamaCare until the end of the year 1.3636 0.06168 99 70 22 7
886 That was close. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
887 Frankly, my life is in ruins. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
888 So, want to rethink that "last man on earth" crack yet? 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
889 It depends how you define 'great.' 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
890 Gary came by and got rid of the termites. 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
891 This therapy session couldn't have come at a better time. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
892 Now is the nuclear winter of our discontent. 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
893 Well, at least we are out of debt. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
894 Well, we'll always have Paris. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
895 I assume you're going to say this is all my fault again. 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
896 And that's why you're supposed to use the TV remote, the surround-sound remote, and the Roku remote in the order I taught you. 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
897 No, we can't talk about this later. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
898 And you said my vasectomy wouldn't be the end of the world. 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
899 Apparently the fallout from his latest tweet is, you know, actual fallout. 1.3636 0.06333 99 71 20 8
900 Do you regret not voting? 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
901 Well at least we won! 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
902 In fairness, it was my first time doing the laundry. 1.3636 0.06804 99 74 14 11
903 Go on. Say it. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
904 I'd love to continue the human race with you but sorry, I think of you more as a friend. 1.3636 0.06650 99 73 16 10
905 Why do you say I never notice anything? 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
906 Did you remember to lock the door? 1.3636 0.06168 99 70 22 7
907 Apparently, we have excellent chemistry. 1.3608 0.06584 97 71 17 9
908 Of course I think we should give him another four years. 1.3600 0.06745 100 75 14 11
909 Okay, you're right. Next time I'll read the instructions. 1.3600 0.06745 100 75 14 11
910 It looks like Putin turned on him. 1.3600 0.06893 100 76 12 12
911 Your policy insures against the “zombie apocalypse”, not a regular apocalypse. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
912 You win. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
913 I guess we should have come to D.C. before the inauguration. 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
914 Well, now that I AM the last man on earth... 1.3600 0.06745 100 75 14 11
915 You're blowing this way out of proportion. 1.3600 0.06594 100 74 16 10
916 Well, that didn't take very long. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
917 This is going to hurt his brand. 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
918 You're right. I should have removed the foil before putting it in the microwave. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
919 I guess we're empty-nesters. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
920 Once again, you've ruined everything. 1.3600 0.06594 100 74 16 10
921 No, really. You were my absolute first choice for the last person on Earth… 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
922 Fortunately, my 401(K) is maintained in the cloud. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
923 It must have been the burrito. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
924 Okay, I am now the last man on earth. How about it? 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
925 Hillary would've been worse. 1.3600 0.07038 100 77 10 13
926 I know. I know. But her e-mails . . . 1.3600 0.06594 100 74 16 10
927 On the plus side, he did greatly reduce unemployment. 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
928 Will your mother be joining us in our post-apocalyptic life? 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
929 It looked different on the resort website. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
930 Gesundheit. 1.3600 0.06893 100 76 12 12
931 Yeah but her emails. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
932 Look on the bright side. No more tweets. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
933 OK OK Hillary was a better choice. 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
934 Okay, okay, you were right. I shouldn't have voted for him. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
935 I told you our marriage could survive anything. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
936 At least the election is finally over. 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
937 Not like it's the end of the world. 1.3600 0.05949 100 70 24 6
938 Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to have any Grey Poupon? 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
939 Have you seen my glasses? 1.3600 0.06745 100 75 14 11
940 Hi. I'm Joe. I am an alcoholic. 1.3600 0.07038 100 77 10 13
941 On the bright side, there won't be anymore tweets. 1.3600 0.06594 100 74 16 10
942 My wife and I drove in yesterday for the Inauguration. 1.3600 0.06594 100 74 16 10
943 'You always said we had too much stuff.' 1.3579 0.06509 95 69 18 8
944 Well, I hope you're happy little Miss I'm-staying-at-home-and-refuse-to-vote-for-the-lesser-of-two-evils. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
945 I still say the emails were the most important issue. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
946 Do you still expect your mother for dinner on Tuesday? 1.3571 0.06842 98 74 13 11
947 Well, we did want to spend more time alone. 1.3571 0.05847 98 68 25 5
948 Well, it was great while it lasted. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
949 Don't worry - they're replacing it soon with something better. 1.3571 0.06842 98 74 13 11
950 You've always wanted an open floor plan. 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
951 Oh stop whining! It could have been a lot worse. He could have used a private email server. 1.3571 0.06842 98 74 13 11
952 OK, next time I'll vote. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
953 Maybe it's not as bad as it looks. Let's wait for the tweet. 1.3571 0.06994 98 75 11 12
954 Don't just say it was Russia. It could have been China or a 400-pound guy sitting on his bed. 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
955 One apocalypse is not the end of the world. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
956 I thought there'd be zombies. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
957 Before you say 'yes' or 'no,' Susan, I'd like to remind you that the alternative is human extinction. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
958 Sure, it may not seem important now, but I had to respond to his tweet. 1.3571 0.07143 98 76 9 13
959 Happened a lot sooner than I expected 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
960 At least we got rid of Obamacare. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
961 Bless you. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
962 Yeah, I know, but she mishandled her emails. 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
963 He won. She lost. Get over it. 1.3571 0.06842 98 74 13 11
964 What a news conference, and he isn't even President yet. 1.3571 0.06994 98 75 11 12
965 Okay, you were right. Should've moved to Canada. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
966 Us against the world. I distinctly remember you saying it. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
967 OK, maybe it was a self-indulgent vote. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
968 Yes, I'm sure I got the best seats available. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
969 Okay looking back maybe Trump wasn't the smartest choice... 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
970 Are you reconsidering your "last man on earth" proclamation? 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
971 'You must be Eve' 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
972 I'm guessing no second date? 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
973 It's a bit of a fixer upper. 1.3571 0.05847 98 68 25 5
974 I still want a divorce, 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
975 Don't look at me, I voted third-party. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
976 America was so overrated. Sad! 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
977 But no, you had to vote your conscience. 1.3571 0.06842 98 74 13 11
978 I guess Trump was wrong about being Putin's friend. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
979 If you didn't want to cook you should've just said 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
980 And we all thought Trump and Putin were going to get along 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
981 Now you can say "I told you so" 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
982 Remember when Obama was president? 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
983 You're entitled to half. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
984 The broker said its a neighborhood in transition... 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
985 I told you Ben Carson should not be in charge of HUD 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
986 Somewhere, somehow, someone's blaming this on Obama. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
987 You're the one who voted for change! 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
988 I told you he would get the economy booming! 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
989 I'm sure you are going to blame this on me too, right? 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
990 Well they can't blame us, we didn't even vote! 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
991 So now that I am the last man alive on earth, will you marry me? 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
992 I think you better lay low for a while, Meryl. 1.3571 0.06994 98 75 11 12
993 Don't worry, I hear Mexico is going to pay for it. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
994 President Trump said that the explosion was fake news so don't believe any of it. 1.3571 0.06842 98 74 13 11
995 Yes, I'm wearing THIS to an armageddon. 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
996 This is going to negatively affect his brand. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
997 So you're the last woman on earth. 1.3571 0.06994 98 75 11 12
998 What do you mean, if I didn't vote, I can't complain? 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
999 Problems? Yeah. But it's not the end of the world! 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1000 I guess the honeymoon's over. 1.3571 0.06994 98 75 11 12
1001 You forgot to change the nuclear codes, didn't you? 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
1002 Adam and Eve:The Next Generation 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
1003 Well, we made it to 2017. 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
1004 But the point is, we voted our conscience. 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
1005 You get half. 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
1006 But what about Hillary's emails? 1.3571 0.07143 98 76 9 13
1007 Frankly, I liked it better before they drained the swamp. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
1008 I think we need to take a harder look at the Electoral College. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1009 I guess it's now up to us to make America great again. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
1010 You're right. Elections matter. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1011 To be fair, you did say I'm the last man on earth you'd go out with. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
1012 Are we great yet? 1.3571 0.06686 98 73 15 10
1013 Yeah, but she's just not likable. 1.3571 0.06527 98 72 17 9
1014 You're out of excuses. I am the last man on earth. 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
1015 Okay, you have my attention. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1016 So much for e-harmony. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1017 Sure, but what about her emails? 1.3535 0.06471 99 73 17 9
1018 On the bright side, rebuilding the nation will bring tons of blue collar jobs. 1.3535 0.06310 99 72 19 8
1019 Where was I? 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1020 So, do you think you'd vote for him, again? 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1021 Look on the bright side. Your mother won't be staying with us for the holidays. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1022 So how to you feel now about that comment - "not if you were the last man on earth" ? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1023 So.... how was your day? 1.3505 0.05870 97 68 24 5
1024 You did say we needed to downsize. 1.3505 0.05870 97 68 24 5
1025 Well, at least we didn't elect a woman President. 1.3505 0.06880 97 74 12 11
1026 He was the lesser of two evils, Martha! 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1027 Or maybe it was started by a 400 lb. guy sitting in his bed. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1028 Well, what do you say? I am the last man on earth. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1029 I think we should stop the newspaper. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1030 I warned you about serving me cabbage rolls. 1.3505 0.06880 97 74 12 11
1031 I see you've gone with the nuclear option. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1032 Half-empty, I'd say. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1033 Oh, like she would've been any better. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1034 I told you this would happen, but NOOOO... You said, "Let's give him a chance." 1.3505 0.06722 97 73 14 10
1035 Honey, you need to lay off the Mexican food. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1036 Now is the time to test out your 'not if you were the last man on earth' theory 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1037 Is this your virtual reality or mine? 1.3505 0.05870 97 68 24 5
1038 Can I call you? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1039 So you're going to blame me for this too? 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1040 All I said was it looks like you're putting on a little weight. 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1041 The service has been a little slow since the World as we knew it ended. 1.3505 0.06722 97 73 14 10
1042 He just tweeted that he is still friends with Putin. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1043 How many times do I have to tell you? It was a protest vote! 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1044 After I insulted him, I thought he would just reply on Twitter! 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1045 The place looked better in the brochure. 1.3505 0.05684 97 67 26 4
1046 Well Eve, it looks like it's just you and me again. 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1047 I still want a divorce, 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1048 When I first heard about post-apocalyptic dating I was skeptical. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1049 I'm guessing his latest tweet was a doozey. 1.3505 0.06722 97 73 14 10
1050 So, what did you do for living? 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1051 I'm still not voting for a woman as president. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1052 Okay, you were right. It WAS the end of the world. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1053 I told you the elections were not the end of the world. THIS is the end of the world. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1054 One person left on Earth and it has to be you 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1055 Have you seen my glasses? 1.3505 0.06722 97 73 14 10
1056 Yeah... But the Dow hit 50,000! 1.3505 0.06880 97 74 12 11
1057 How was I supposed to know he would tweet out the nuclear codes? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1058 Don't look at me, you voted for him. 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1059 Let's first acknowledge that correlation does not imply causation. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1060 Eve? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1061 So much for Putin being our friend. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1062 Did you leave the burner on? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1063 So will you go out with me NOW? 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1064 It looked better in the brochure. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1065 Good thing we elected "a builder." 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1066 I’m sure the second week of the Trump presidency will be better. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1067 I bet you think this is all my fault. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1068 Saying you can't cook would be an understatement. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1069 Now let's make it great again. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1070 We wanted change and I guess we got it. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1071 Come on, darling. It's not the end of the world. 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1072 Any plans this weekend? 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1073 I thought your family would never leave. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1074 So what do you want to do now? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1075 But she had that email server... 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1076 Never underestimate the power of a tweet! 1.3469 0.06340 98 72 18 8
1077 Why are you always so negative? 1.3469 0.06171 98 71 20 7
1078 I think you overreacted. 1.3469 0.05998 98 70 22 6
1079 Why, specifically, don't you believe he made America great again? 1.3469 0.06663 98 74 14 10
1080 The brochure said ruins; it didn't say old ruins. 1.3469 0.06171 98 71 20 7
1081 Well, how was he supposed to respond to a Tweet like that? 1.3438 0.06758 96 73 13 10
1082 I swear, if you say 'I told you so...' 1.3438 0.06075 96 69 21 6
1083 It could be worse, it could be raining. 1.3438 0.06075 96 69 21 6
1084 You were the one who said: "Vote for him. What do we have to lose?" 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1085 What do you say now that I am the last man? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1086 It's an open floor plan. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1087 So, thats a no? 1.3438 0.05702 96 67 25 4
1088 Somehow, "We still have each other" doesn't quite cut it. 1.3438 0.06075 96 69 21 6
1089 The agent said it's a great place to raze a family. 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1090 Well I'm not cleaning it up... 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1091 Yes, I still want the divorce. 1.3438 0.06075 96 69 21 6
1092 There's just not much left for us to talk about 1.3438 0.06075 96 69 21 6
1093 Okay, you were right. I was wrong. Must we fight about this for the next 4 years? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1094 I told you the new president won't affect my life and I'm sticking to it. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1095 Well at least I got rid of the termites. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1096 This is the last time you get to pick a President.... 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1097 It may not seem it, Delores, but I try to use my powers for good. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1098 I knew Obama should have taken the nuclear codes with him. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1099 Yeah, but her emails, though... 1.3438 0.06758 96 73 13 10
1100 I'm starting to regret voting for Trump 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1101 Well that certainly takes care of the immigration issue. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1102 The dating site said you like kittens, quiet walks on the beach and Armageddon. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1103 I wonder if this means we get to keep the library books. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1104 You just HAD to push the red button, didn't you? 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1105 Do you still want half? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1106 I rather expected this, but not so soon after the Inauguration. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1107 We may be in the middle of a real estate boom. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1108 ...you renewed the insurance policy, right? 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1109 I told you it would take global annihilation for him to stop tweeting! 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1110 What were we arguing about again? 1.3438 0.05892 96 68 23 5
1111 At least he didn't use a private e-mail server. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1112 Okay, it's 2:00, should we start the meeting or wait for the others? 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1113 Have you seen my keys? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1114 Have you changed your mind, now that I am in fact the last man on Earth? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1115 And on the second day of my administration.... 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1116 Now that I am the last man on earth, I take it your position has not changed? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1117 Not much. How 'bout you? 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1118 I followed the instructions to install it. Mostly. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1119 'Let's go to your place instead' 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1120 You have smoldering eyes... 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1121 'Only if you were the last man on earth' is a figure of speech! 1.3438 0.07075 96 75 9 12
1122 Do you think all Trump news conferences will end like this one? 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1123 I told you not to run the vacuum and the washer at the same time. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1124 Looks like we're ALL fired! 1.3438 0.05892 96 68 23 5
1125 " The radiation gives your face a pleasant glow". 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1126 Do you really need to see the prenup, Ted? 1.3438 0.06758 96 73 13 10
1127 Are you doing anything Friday evening? 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1128 I think he actually thought it was a real football. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1129 And you thought his inauguration would be boring 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1130 Now we know what that button was for. 1.3438 0.06426 96 71 17 8
1131 I can see Russia from my house. 1.3402 0.06535 97 73 15 9
1132 That went well. 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
1133 The brochure did say it was a no frills vacation. 1.3402 0.05841 97 69 23 5
1134 Don't look at me. I wrote in Mitt Romney. 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
1135 How is this is my fault? 1.3402 0.06022 97 70 21 6
1136 'What's the worst that can happen if we vote for Trump?'" THAT was your question??? 1.3402 0.06698 97 74 13 10
1137 If you’re free on Saturday, we should probably start repopulating the earth. 1.3402 0.05841 97 69 23 5
1138 Looks like we won't have to build that wall after all. 1.3402 0.05841 97 69 23 5
1139 My sister said they still have a tree in Cleveland. 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
1140 Still glad we gave him a chance? 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
1141 Where'd our waiter go? 1.3402 0.06022 97 70 21 6
1142 Did you remember to lock the door? 1.3402 0.06022 97 70 21 6
1143 I'm just glad the election's over. 1.3402 0.06698 97 74 13 10
1144 I hope you're satisfied now that America is great again. 1.3402 0.06535 97 73 15 9
1145 Fix your make up. CNN will be here any minute. 1.3402 0.05841 97 69 23 5
1146 Compared to 2017, 2016 wasn't so bad. 1.3402 0.06535 97 73 15 9
1147 Were you born here in Detroit? 1.3402 0.06856 97 75 11 11
1148 You have a certain glow about you. 1.3402 0.06535 97 73 15 9
1149 I am voting to "Make America again" 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
1150 Well, that simplifies things. 1.3402 0.05654 97 68 25 4
1151 Really? You're going with, "Even if you were the last man on earth?" 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1152 Fine, you plan the next vacation. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1153 So, Sister Kathleen, I guess the human race stops here. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1154 I still say it would have been worse if Hillary had won. 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1155 Did you remember to turn off the gas? 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1156 Do you think this will affect the bus schedule? 1.3368 0.06957 95 74 10 11
1157 You voted for him. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1158 Maybe location isn't everything... 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1159 Well, it looks like the fat lady has sung. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1160 Tell me again how the emails would have been worse. 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1161 The good news is........ I have started to see someone to discuss my anger issues. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1162 I thought he said he knew more than the generals. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1163 Don't say it 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1164 OK: We got under our desks. We put our arms over our heads. We did not look at the flash. Now what? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1165 I thought you told me that losing my job is not the end of the world. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1166 Honestly, I though the inauguration went offer much better than expected. 1.3368 0.06957 95 74 10 11
1167 well, there goes the neighborhood. 1.3368 0.05720 95 67 24 4
1168 The brochure said there'd be ruins. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1169 but her email server... 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1170 Do you really want to talk about this now? 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1171 As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted... 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1172 I said 'Lunch', not 'Launch'. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1173 I know this isn't the best time to say this, Harriet, but I want a divorce. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1174 Next time we vote Democrat. 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1175 Well, at least he didn't use his own e-mail server. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1176 At least the views are unobstructed. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1177 Well I guess it could be worse. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1178 Now you can tell your mother we don't have room! 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1179 Now I can give you the really bad news. 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1180 I can't remember if I closed the garage door. 1.3368 0.05720 95 67 24 4
1181 I'm loyal, witty, and the last man on earth. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1182 What else was on your bucket list? 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1183 Glad the election's over. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1184 You were the one who wanted to switch to gas! 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1185 How was I supposed to know it wasn't a computer game? 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1186 Is this "de-cluttered" enough for you? 1.3368 0.05521 95 66 26 3
1187 OK, but she lied about her emails! 1.3368 0.06957 95 74 10 11
1188 Might as well introduce ourselves - I'm Destiny and I'm an alcoholic. 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1189 Ironically enough, my name is Adam. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1190 All the good restaurants are gone. 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1191 A penny for your thoughts. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1192 Now that you ARE the last person on earth, I still won't marry you. 1.3368 0.07116 95 75 8 12
1193 No, you said it couldn't possibly get any worse. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1194 ....and how many more years is he going to be President? 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1195 I never knew the difference between apocalypse and dystopia, till I married you. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1196 And just who am I supposed to ask for these so-called "directions"? 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1197 Yeah, but Hillary had emails. 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1198 On a good note, he promised to rebuild infrastructure 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1199 Do you come here often? 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1200 I never vote. It doesn't affect my life. 1.3368 0.06957 95 74 10 11
1201 I'd like to end things 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1202 Is that your second wish or your third? 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1203 I'm happier now that we've uncluttered. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1204 The sunrise tomorrow will be spectacular! 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1205 Okay Marjorie, you hunt and I'll gather but do you really think the glass ceiling should be our priority right now? 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1206 O.K. So, now I am the last man on earth. Will you change your mind? 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1207 Well, it looks as though I AM the last man on Earth. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1208 Well, so much for "let's give him a chance". 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1209 I can already feel it starting to gentrify. 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1210 In his defense, you did make fun of his tiny hands. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1211 Relax, Sylvia. Things always get worse before they get great again. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1212 Yes, dear. In hindsight, I should have stopped using my Galaxy Note 7. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1213 So .... what's new? 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1214 And what about if I wasn't the last man on earth ? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1215 So that’s what happens when you remove tags that say, ‘Do not remove.’ 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1216 Well, at least we don't have to argue over who gets the house now... 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1217 Even if the future of the human race literally depends on it? 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1218 I guess I was angrier than I realized. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1219 So, now that I AM the last man on Earth... 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1220 I guess Trump really showed Kim Jong Un! 1.3368 0.06957 95 74 10 11
1221 Repeat after me - 'America is Great Again' 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1222 I wonder if The Wall is still standing? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1223 check out was at eleven anyway 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1224 You know when you said "not even if we were the last two people on Earth"? 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1225 I liked the book better 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1226 It's still a quiet street. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1227 I suppose it depends on your definition of "Great" 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1228 Ironically, it looks like Twitter is still working... 1.3368 0.05521 95 66 26 3
1229 That was a close one 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1230 Can I have the remote? 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1231 Is it too late for a reverse mortgage? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1232 Well, it is called a reverse mortgage. 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1233 Okay, you got that out of your system, now what? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1234 Alexa: Call 9-1-1. 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1235 Will you go out with me now that I AM the last man on earth? 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1236 I knew we should have voted but you said, what's the worst that could happen. 1.3368 0.07116 95 75 8 12
1237 I don't care how big that spider was. This is ridiculous. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1238 But on the plus side, everything we now own gives us joy. 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1239 The name's Adam. And yours? 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1240 Well! I'm never pulling *your* finger again! 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1241 These aren't the ruins I had in mind. 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1242 No. I said NOT even if you were the last man on earth. 1.3368 0.06794 95 73 12 10
1243 I'll be Fred and you be Wilma. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1244 That's the last time we use TripAdvisor. 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1245 Maybe Obama wasn't so bad after all. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1246 So NOW you want to talk? 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1247 So much for our reverse mortgage. 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1248 Think of all the beautiful sunrises and sunsets we'll see without all those buildings in the way. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1249 So why don't we start by exploring the origin of your anger. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1250 What do you say, shall we start re-populating? 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1251 So remind me when we're going to start to "Make America Great Again?" 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1252 YES! I VOTED FOR HIM ! 1.3368 0.07272 95 76 6 13
1253 Now are you sorry you didn't vote? 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1254 It could have been worse 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1255 I think I'll work from home tomorrow. 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1256 Did you have any trouble with the directions? 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
1257 I still think she shouldn't have used a private server. 1.3368 0.06957 95 74 10 11
1258 Talk about an empty nest. 1.3368 0.05521 95 66 26 3
1259 On the plus side, he kept his word about lower taxes. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1260 Just give him a chance. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
1261 Remember when I said I wouldn't sleep with you if we were the last two people on Earth? 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1262 Elections have consequences. 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
1263 Well, he still has three years and 364 days to make America great! 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1264 Yes, Honey, next time I'll call a plumber. 1.3333 0.06546 93 70 15 8
1265 Sure, but SHE had an e-mail server! 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1266 Anything else you've been holding back? 1.3333 0.06224 96 71 18 7
1267 Aren't you glad now we didn't spend the money for the kitchen remodel? 1.3333 0.05788 93 66 23 4
1268 See, I told you there'd be a place to sit. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1269 I had better hope for his first 100 days. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1270 That last Tweet was a doozy. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1271 Well, now I'm the last man on earth. Your move. 1.3333 0.06893 96 75 10 11
1272 Buy in Kabul, you said. Change of scenery, you said. 1.3333 0.06224 96 71 18 7
1273 I guess I've always considered myself a 'glass half full' guy. 1.3333 0.05671 96 68 24 4
1274 So, where are you from? 1.3333 0.06567 96 73 14 9
1275 When I started out it was simply my intent to declutter. 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1276 I told you we didn't need a retirement account or health insurance. 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1277 Well, at least we got Obamacare repealed first. 1.3333 0.06546 93 70 15 8
1278 They did say we'd see plenty of ruins. 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
1279 I hope your Trump Twitter joke was worth it. 1.3333 0.06894 93 72 11 10
1280 The Times described it as "Airy" and "Unpretentious". 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1281 We should get together for coffee sometime. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1282 Yes, it was repealed, now we await the replacement. 1.3333 0.06567 96 73 14 9
1283 Okay, you were right about Trump. Sorry. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1284 So it's true what you said about if I was the last man on Earth? 1.3333 0.06567 96 73 14 9
1285 That's the last toaster I get from Walmart. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1286 So much for making American great again. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1287 Are you free for lunch? 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1288 So America is great again, now what? 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1289 Are you interviewing for the Housing and Urban Development job too? 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1290 How was your weekend? 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1291 Should we get take-out? 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1292 Civilization is overrated. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1293 I'm just ONE VOTE, Marjorie. You're not going to pin all of this on me. 1.3333 0.07062 93 73 9 11
1294 Told ya. 1.3333 0.06732 96 74 12 10
1295 On the bright side, now he can bring back construction jobs 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
1296 There may be some lingering resentment. 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
1297 Ha! Looks like your mother won't be moving in, after all. 1.3333 0.06224 96 71 18 7
1298 Shall we order out? 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
1299 So, you were saying, if I were the last man in earth what...? 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
1300 So... what's for dinner. 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
1301 They say he's a genius at business 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1302 I think we need to change travel agents. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1303 Now, there you go again, blowing things out of proportion. 1.3333 0.05861 96 69 22 5
1304 I personally think our first date was a blast. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1305 Pizza OK tonight? 1.3333 0.06894 93 72 11 10
1306 Now repeat after me: Never put foil in the microwave. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1307 Remember how you said you will never be with me unless I was the last man on earth 1.3333 0.06732 96 74 12 10
1308 Should we get take-out? 1.3333 0.05583 93 65 25 3
1309 Fine, I respect your decision. But what if I was the last man on Earth? 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
1310 Yeah, but what about her emails? 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1311 I told you that cat was trouble. 1.3333 0.06546 93 70 15 8
1312 Is it January 21st already? 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1313 Oh, so now he's MY son? 1.3333 0.06894 93 72 11 10
1314 Still, that went better than expected. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1315 You microwaved the popcorn on the baked potato setting again, didn't you? 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
1316 I don't care if we are the last two people on earth. 1.3333 0.05788 93 66 23 4
1317 I had a feeling January 21st was a bad choice for our first date. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1318 At least we voted our conscience. 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1319 No, I did not leave the gas on. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1320 On the plus side, the inauguration speech was better than I expected. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1321 You were right, OK? No silverware in the microwave. 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
1322 I said you take me "too seriously" not "to Syria." 1.3333 0.06546 93 70 15 8
1323 well that was close! 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1324 You are ignoring the fact that our tax rates are now lower. 1.3333 0.06567 96 73 14 9
1325 At least we gave him a chance. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1326 It will be great again. Just wait. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1327 You know, I think it was worth it for that brief moment when we were great again. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1328 Don't be so negative. He says he has a plan. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1329 I TOLD you not to remove that tag. 1.3333 0.06723 93 71 13 9
1330 Well someone left the gas on. 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1331 When I said 'not even if you were the last man on earth' I meant it. 1.3333 0.06894 93 72 11 10
1332 Well now that I really am the last man on earth, will you marry me? 1.3333 0.06732 96 74 12 10
1333 Let's take another 15 minutes for lunch. I'm pretty sure my boss is out for the afternoon. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1334 I know we've just met, but I feel it's fate. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1335 So...What brings you here? 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1336 I told you I couldn't cook 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1337 I enjoy long walks through the rubble 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1338 Now you're going to say this isn't the change you had in mind. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1339 First, you make it here. Then, you make it anywhere. 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1340 Even if I were the last man on Earth? 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1341 I really thought he would be better than Hillary. 1.3333 0.05788 93 66 23 4
1342 Alright, now I am the last man on Earth. 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
1343 Stop overreacting 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
1344 Well, at least he got rid of Obamacare! 1.3333 0.06732 96 74 12 10
1345 Did we win? 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1346 But I AM the only man left in the world, Agnes. 1.3333 0.05671 96 68 24 4
1347 I'm glad we worked that out. 1.3333 0.06894 93 72 11 10
1348 Without a bona fide address, we cannot summit your insurance claim. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1349 You don't look like your profile picture. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1350 I could swear that red button said PUSH FOR LUNCH. 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1351 Did you say you would date me if I were the last man on earth? 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1352 I'm just not sure this is what the book meant by decluttering. 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1353 The ad did say "Fixer Upper". 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1354 I DID follow the instructions! 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1355 I'm sorry, but your disaster insurance doesn't cover presidential elections. 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1356 Well at least we don't have to have your mother over anymore. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1357 How long are you going to hold my vote for Trump against me? 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1358 Who said downsizing was difficult ? 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1359 Where's the remote? 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1360 Did you feel the earth move? 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1361 You take everything I say and blow it out of proportion! 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1362 As a matter of fact, I AM the last man on earth. 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1363 As I was saying before all hell broke loose... 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1364 No more baked beans for me. 1.3261 0.07101 92 73 8 11
1365 Delicately put, it looks like it's up to us to...you know.... 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1366 I just wanted change. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1367 Come now, you can't possibly be thinking my one vote makes me personally responsible for all this! 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1368 I've lost all my passwords. 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1369 My bad, I thought you said you would date me if I was the last man on earth. 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1370 Yeah, but what about her emails? 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1371 We can still turn this around in the midterms. 1.3261 0.06931 92 72 10 10
1372 So what do you think about Trump after one day in office? 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1373 About what I expected for Trump's first month. 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1374 OK fine, maybe I shouldn't have voted for him. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1375 Not if you were the last man on earth. 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1376 I guess this is why the tickets for Trumpworld were half the price of Westworld. 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1377 So, shall we get started? The planet's not going to repopulate itself! 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1378 Our marriage is the real disaster. 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1379 Next time call an electrician. 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1380 Looks like the divorce is final. 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1381 Maybe Mexico will pay for the rebuilding. 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1382 It's pronounced nuclear not "nuke-you-ler"! 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1383 I still feel like we didn't get to the bottom of those emails... 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1384 At least there's no more Mexicans. 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1385 Can we try it my way now? 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1386 Did you leave the stove on again? 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1387 So, now that I am The Last Man On Earth, whaddaya say? 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1388 Okay, next year we can visit your family. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
1389 OK, OK, you were right. Now are you happy? 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1390 you win, Chinese tonight 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1391 Our therapist just cancelled. 1.3226 0.06146 93 69 18 6
1392 Would you if I were the last man in the world? 1.3226 0.06693 93 72 12 9
1393 OK, I'll admit it. I am kind of sorry I voted for him. 1.3187 0.05608 91 65 23 3
1394 Okay. I admit that I might have underestimated the damage he could do to our country. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1395 Hillary would've been worse. 1.3187 0.06790 91 71 11 9
1396 I thought Putin liked him. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1397 So, what are you doing after the Apocalypse? 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1398 It all started with a tweet. 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1399 Stop saying, "I told you so." 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1400 He thought he was tweeting. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1401 But her e-mails... 1.3187 0.06967 91 72 9 10
1402 Well, I hate to say I told you so. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1403 As of 5 minutes ago, I am the last man on earth. Now will you marry me? 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1404 Does this mean you've done nothing for dinner? 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1405 Maybe you and he just define "great again" differently. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1406 For the last time, I didn't vote for him! 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1407 This set, AND an X-rated script? Seriously? 1.3187 0.07141 91 73 7 11
1408 Look, I'm not the only one who voted for him. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1409 Next time you book a vacation, please clarify what "off season" means. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1410 So NOW you want to talk? 1.3187 0.06790 91 71 11 9
1411 OK, so I forgot where I parked. It's not like it's the end of the world. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1412 We just can't afford to abandon a rent-controlled apartment. 1.3187 0.05822 91 66 21 4
1413 We will both laugh about this when we read the captions. 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1414 A new year, a clean start! 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1415 See? A child must have clear limits. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1416 I suppose this is my fault, too. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1417 I must say this has been my most exciting date in a long while. How about we walk on over to what's left of the cinema? 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1418 You asked for unobstructed views. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1419 Well, Martha, I'm literally the last man on earth now. Time to call your bluff. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1420 What's it gonna take to admit you were wrong? 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1421 Just for once, can we argue without you going for the nuclear option? 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1422 Now do you believe me that 20 minutes in the microwave is too much?! 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1423 OK, OK. I'm sorry I voted for Donald Trump. There - are you happy now? 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1424 I think our arguments are becoming too heated. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1425 And over there used to be the Trump Tower. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1426 Well, so much for "Don't worry. The country has survived much worse." 1.3187 0.05822 91 66 21 4
1427 Thank God we got rid of Obamacare 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1428 I don't need to fix that leak after all. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1429 The view is unobstructed. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1430 I guess that dinner and a movie are out. 1.3187 0.05822 91 66 21 4
1431 Sorry. I didn't mean to blow up like that. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1432 NOW can we ask for directions? 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1433 So...do you know why you're in a time-out? 1.3187 0.05608 91 65 23 3
1434 You said you'd only date me if I was the last man on Earth. 1.3187 0.05822 91 66 21 4
1435 There's no one else but you. 1.3187 0.05822 91 66 21 4
1436 Ikea will deliver the table tomorrow between noon and 6 PM. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1437 I'm willing to give you half of the house. 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1438 I told the Uber driver that we were waiting outside Trump Tower. Do you think we need to call him again? 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1439 See? Swamp drained. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1440 Trump won Get over it. 1.3187 0.06790 91 71 11 9
1441 Well, that’s one way to drain the swamp. 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1442 I know we don't agree on much politically...but I for one preferred the "nuclear option" as a metaphor. 1.3187 0.06967 91 72 9 10
1443 Fine. You win. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1444 You were right about Trump comrade. I should never have double dog dared him! 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1445 You said you would marry me when the world ended. Well? 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1446 Can't you ever look on the bright side? 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1447 Who's your secretary of housing and urban development now? 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1448 Our relationship is in ruins. 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1449 Homes explode sometime, it's got nothing to with your mother coming to visit. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1450 This does qualify for my most unusual first date. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1451 Sorry I blew up. 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1452 I think I left the iron on. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1453 All we wanted was to repeal Obamacare 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1454 Well, last man on Earth should count for something... 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1455 So how's your January 21st going? 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1456 And you said it wouldn't matter who we voted for... 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1457 On the other hand, Mexico did pay for the wall. 1.3187 0.06608 91 70 13 8
1458 Nooo, the bet was the wall would go up BEFORE he started World War III. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1459 I sense a disturbance in the force. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1460 Okay, Okay.! Enough with the I-didn't-vote-for-him bit. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1461 Sort of a moot point, now. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1462 It's been a brutal divorce. Can we agree on that? 1.3146 0.07252 89 72 6 11
1463 Did you say it's January 21, 2017? Well, that escalated quickly. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1464 At least we didn't vote for someone with a private email server. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1465 The agent said "not covered". 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1466 Come here often? 1.3146 0.05442 89 63 24 2
1467 Don't blame me, I voted for Bernie. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1468 If this were an episode of the Twilight Zone, you'd be a sexy robot. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1469 I'm tired of picking through the debris of our relationship 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1470 Were you serious about not sleeping with me even if I were the last man on earth? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1471 I guess we'll see if you stick to your "last man on earth" policy. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1472 Okay, okay. Next time I'll read the directions. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1473 I've never been on a Cinder date. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1474 ...and I say it could have been some 400 pound guy in his bed in New Jersey. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1475 Well, okay...and what do you think he has planned for January 21st? 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1476 Then you said, "What could possibly go wrong?" 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1477 I told you not to order anything delivered by a drone 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1478 Donald Trump asked 'What do you have to lose?' and now we know. 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1479 Fine; I was wrong. I guess he CAN do a lot of harm in just four years. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1480 Why couldn't he just send a few nasty twitters? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1481 You have actually argued with me until the end of time. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1482 You win. It was rocket science. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1483 Still happy with your "protest vote", honey? 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1484 There goes the neighborhood. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1485 Somehow it doesn't seem to matter that we didn't vote for him, does it? 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1486 I guess we should update our Linked In status. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1487 And I assume you're going to tell me this is all my fault too. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1488 Even if I were the last man on Earth? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1489 So...are you still glad you voted for Trump?!? 1.3146 0.07074 89 71 8 10
1490 Every Peace Corps experience is different. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1491 Now that I am the last man on earth, can we at least date? 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1492 I asked you never to press Control + Alt + Delete 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1493 I honestly never thought he'd win. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1494 I told you we should have taken his Twitter away. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1495 OK, OK, I shoulda voted for Hillary! 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1496 Don't look at me; I didn't vote for either of them. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1497 So, now how are you feeling about that protest vote? 1.3146 0.07074 89 71 8 10
1498 I've been waiting for a good time to talk to you. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1499 Finally, some privacy. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1500 So? You from around here? 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1501 Yes, he made an unfortunate tweet. 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1502 Excuse me, I had beans for lunch. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1503 It was that last tweet. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1504 You could have just told me you wanted more space. 1.3146 0.05671 89 64 22 3
1505 Don't look at me- I voted for Stein. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1506 Now? Now he makes it great again. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1507 Next time, insist your travel agent explain 'Amazing Ruins.' 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1508 Well, maybe I did leave the stove on... 1.3146 0.06891 89 70 10 9
1509 YOU are the one who voted to put his stubby orange finger on the red button. 1.3146 0.07074 89 71 8 10
1510 At least Tinder is still working. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1511 Now, can I say, 'I told you so'? 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1512 You remember that button you always told me not to push? 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1513 At least we don't have to worry about global warming. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1514 Not even if I'm the last man on earth? 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1515 I don't think it's fair for you to give me that 'I blame you for this look'. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1516 Feel the burn? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1517 That's true, but he created a lot of jobs getting us here. 1.3146 0.06891 89 70 10 9
1518 Well as a first date, that was quite exciting 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1519 You had to add the jalapenos! 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1520 Well, that was exciting. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1521 It's agreed, then. We'll abolish the electoral college. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1522 Don't judge until you see the sunset 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1523 Did you remember to lock up? 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1524 Don't blame me. YOU'RE the one who wanted to make America great again. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1525 In retrospect, I guess improper email protocol was less dangerous than Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1526 I swear I thought he was going to make it great again 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1527 Well, on the plus side, no more pundits. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1528 I blame the Electoral College. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1529 Now will you marry me? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1530 Well, most times I do read the instructions. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1531 At least, we still have our health. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1532 Didn't see this coming when you pulled that lever on Election Day, did you? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1533 Pick you up at seven? 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1534 Women just don't understand politics. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1535 What's for dinner? (this is actually by my son Felix, age 8) 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1536 At least we don't have to tell our future grandchildren that we met online. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1537 Finally, we'll have something else to talk about beside the children 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1538 And to think that only one week ago on this very spot he took the oath of office. 1.3146 0.06891 89 70 10 9
1539 Well, we won't need dinner reservations. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1540 I guess Putin didn't back down. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1541 At least they repealed Obamacare. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1542 The question is, are we great again. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1543 Okay, I won't put Mentos in gasoline again. 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1544 Now do you see why your vote matters? 1.3146 0.06703 89 69 12 8
1545 I was just hoping to pay less taxes. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1546 We're in a destructive relationship. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1547 Now that I'm actually the last man on Earth, will you reconsider? 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1548 You mean "further". "Farther" refers to distance. 1.3146 0.06510 89 68 14 7
1549 How many times have I told you to switch to an iPhone? 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1550 Glad we have made America great again. 1.3146 0.06311 89 67 16 6
1551 It’s ok, we are going to make it great again… 1.3146 0.06891 89 70 10 9
1552 I know, I know, you told me not to have the cabbage rolls. 1.3146 0.06891 89 70 10 9
1553 And he's not even in office yet. 1.3146 0.07074 89 71 8 10
1554 Sure, it looks bad now. But I still think we're going to be Great Again. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1555 Think I'll run down to Home Depot. 1.3111 0.06250 90 68 16 6
1556 Okay - so, now that I am the last man on Earth. . . ? 1.3111 0.06250 90 68 16 6
1557 I guess this means we are stuck with each other. 1.3068 0.05202 88 62 25 1
1558 So, are you from around here? 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1559 Things look so much better since they drained the swamp 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1560 Well, you voted for him! 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1561 "Give him a chance," you said. "How bad can he be?" you said. "He'll make America great again," you said. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1562 Yeah, but just imagine how much worse it would be if the Democrats were still in charge. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1563 Perhaps my Twitter feed was a tad bit provocative. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1564 In hindsight, I probably should have voted for someone else. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1565 At least we have Obamacare. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1566 Our insurance policy doesn't cover "scorched earth". 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1567 Please stop exaggerating. This isn't a total disaster. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1568 I don't like blind dates. But since we're the last two people on earth, I'll make an exception. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1569 I snore. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1570 I was really hoping for someone a bit younger. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1571 Look at the bright side. At least you have the unobstructed view you always wanted. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1572 I warned you there was a housing bubble. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1573 I guess Trump called their bluff! 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1574 But I miss caption contests the most. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1575 So much for the meteor warning being fake news. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1576 That'll teach those smug elitests 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1577 You have spinach between your teeth. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1578 Here's that fresh start you wanted 1.3068 0.05447 88 63 23 2
1579 Now you have something to make great again! 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1580 Why don't you try this rock, I think you'll find it more comfortable. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1581 Well, at least you still have me. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1582 D-Date 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1583 But you're missing the whole point: we won! 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1584 And you're sure you unplugged the iron? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1585 Don't blame me I voted for Gary Johnson. 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1586 I guess it's up to us to repopulate the world. You want to get started? 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1587 ...And then Putin said "Sez who?" 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1588 The good news? No zombies. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1589 Well, at least now we don't have to worry about climate change. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1590 I still say things would be worse under Hillary. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1591 I'm sure there will be a plausible explanation on Twitter. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1592 I'm just saying, you have shown a tendency to overreact. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1593 I told you not to use bleach and vinegar to clean the toilet. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1594 My doctor said, "You have OCD. Stop checking if you left the stove on." 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1595 I told you not to smoke in the basement. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1596 I guess Russia wasn't as friendly as Trump thought. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1597 Are you sure you turned the oven off? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1598 Would you consider a second date? 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1599 It was that last Tweet that did it. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1600 Go ahead, say it. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1601 Are you sure these are the Great Again VIP seats? 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1602 I just thought he'd mature in office. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1603 "The owners said if we act now we can get in on the ground floor". 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1604 C’mon, you hated the wallpaper too. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1605 I don't have much to offer you. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1606 You can stop reminding me who I voted for. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1607 So, about that "last man on earth" comment! 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1608 I still think Hillary would have been worse. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1609 I told you that cat was trouble. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1610 Ok, so I voted for the "what's the use of nukes if we don't use them" candidate. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1611 I'm ready to concede that I was wrong about the election. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1612 Pretty good. How about you? 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1613 "This is what he means by 'GREAT AGAIN'"? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1614 As I was saying.... 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1615 Yeah, but at least that damned Obamacare is gone. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1616 Well now I am the last man in the world. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1617 You're acting like this argument is the end of the world. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1618 Well, I guess it depends on your definition of great. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1619 But she deleted some emails. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1620 OK, I shouldn't have tried to rewire the electrical outlet in the bathroom myself. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1621 So what do you want to do now? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1622 Don't blame me, I voted for Bernie. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1623 Well, maybe white people did have something to lose. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1624 On the plus side, Obamacare has finally been repealed! 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1625 No kidding. I voted for him, too. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1626 When you said you wouldn't go out with me if I were the last man on earth, were you speaking literally or figuratively? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1627 Where did you park the car? 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1628 The good news is he'll probably be a one-term President. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1629 Look, I just thought he had some good policies, ok?! 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1630 Are you up for trying to repopulate the world? 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1631 But Hillary deleted a bunch of emails... 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1632 Still happy about the protest vote for Stein? 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1633 I admit it. We were better off under Obama. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1634 In the plus column, my parents will have to cancel their visit. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1635 This is just the first step of Making America Great Again 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1636 I guess telling the President off was a mistake! 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1637 Anyway, want to get a drink sometime? 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1638 So much for giving him a chance. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1639 On the plus side, we were right about Trump. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1640 I thought it was just a protest vote. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1641 I understand that every marriage hits a rough patch, but it feels like we're living in a war zone. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1642 We didn't have enough miles for Italy. 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1643 Our duty is to repopulate the world. I'm ready now. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1644 I told you I smelled gas. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1645 Let's start over. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1646 It was still a great tweet. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1647 Should we have voted for Hillary? 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1648 America's great again. 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1649 Yes, but Adam and Eve had a garden. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1650 Still happy with your "Protest Vote"? 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1651 I think we're still in the Repeal phase. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1652 I thought they said this building was pre-war? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1653 Well.....I guess you could say that the swamp has been drained 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1654 You'll see. This is just the beginning of "making America great again"... 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1655 I want a divorce. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1656 Fran, I have to agree with your therapist: you have an explosive temper. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1657 They say they have a plan to replace it. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1658 Now that I actually am the last man on Earth, do you still want that divorce? 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1659 Elections have consequences. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1660 At least we still have Social Security... 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1661 We should still give him a chance to lead... 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1662 Single level, airy, expansive view, low rent. Yep, that's what the ad said. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1663 He said everything he was going to do would be YUGE. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1664 Well, that completes our down-sizing. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1665 This is what I mean about your temper. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1666 I still think I can flip it in three months. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1667 But the emails, Barb! 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1668 So maybe he'll build the wall on Day Two. 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1669 Don't worry. Once they open a Whole Foods, our property value will triple. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1670 It's not you. It's me. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1671 Want to reconsider your "last man on Earth" stance? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1672 Okay, so now we have a third world problem! Does that make you happy? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1673 I wish I'd voted. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1674 I'm still not sleeping with you. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1675 Will you be voting Republican again next year too? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1676 Well I don't care what you say. He speaks his mind, and I respect that. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1677 We may have to reschedule the intelligence briefing. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1678 Give him a chance. He's not even in office yet. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1679 OK, OK. You get the house. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1680 Fine, you can't put tinfoil in the microwave. But it still saved us some time. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1681 Sure, but what about her emails? 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1682 Would this be a good time to ask you who you voted for? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1683 The great part must be next! 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1684 Just got a Tweet from the President -- we won. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1685 The dating scene has really changed. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1686 I still think her emails were a bigger deal. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1687 You're the one who voted for him. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1688 Don't look at me, I didn't vote for Trump. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1689 I thought YOU turned off the stove. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1690 I'll check again for survivors...Watch my seat. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1691 ... On top of all that, I'm a claims adjuster. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1692 Look at the bright side. We still have that 20% off coupon from Bed, Bath and Beyond. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1693 Got any plans this evening? 1.3068 0.05447 88 63 23 2
1694 Those hotel deals are never as good as they look in the photos. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1695 It's all Obama's fault. 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1696 They are not targeting civilians, we are perfectly safe here. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1697 Well then, your place or mine? 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1698 He said it's all part of the plan. Now Europe will pay for brand new buildings. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1699 At least we have a wall. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1700 If we hire you would you be willing to relocate? 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1701 "I guess we can always sneak across the border to Mexico". 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1702 I don't know. Where do you want to eat? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1703 Next Halloween, let's make sure we don't run out of candy 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1704 Our marriage is in ruins. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1705 Did you hear all that noise last night? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1706 Ironically, now I am the last man on earth! 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1707 Well, I'll say we survived our first date okay. 1.3068 0.05447 88 63 23 2
1708 Where did you park? 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1709 I'm an interior decorator. What do you do? 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1710 I guess it wasn't ,"fake news" 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1711 So, that's what the red button on the microwave was for. 1.3068 0.06925 88 70 9 9
1712 "Maybe it's time to see a mediator". 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1713 Like my profile said, I have some anger issues. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1714 I know, I know, for the thousandth time, you voted for her. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1715 Ok, Ok, I should have called the repairman. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1716 Well, that's not what happened in the YouTube Tutorial. 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1717 I still say, lock her up! 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1718 Well, at least he got rid of Obamacare! 1.3068 0.06334 88 67 15 6
1719 I still say Hillary was worse. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1720 I thought YOU turned off the stove. 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1721 If you think this is bad, wait until the zombies show up. 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1722 But what about those e-mails? 1.3068 0.06537 88 68 13 7
1723 Now we replace. 1.3034 0.06065 89 67 17 5
1724 No, really Eve, my name is actually Adam. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1725 To think it all started with a tweet... 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1726 And then I remembered what my ex-wife constantly told me - "Never put metal in the microwave!" 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1727 And I was just starting to feel great again... 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1728 Is now a bad time to ask if I should take a Viagra? 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1729 Maybe Obama wasn't so bad. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1730 I can hardly recognize the old neighborhood. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1731 2016 is looking better with each passing day. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1732 Next year I choose the vacation! 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1733 l'm beginning to regret my vote. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1734 In hindsight, perhaps we should have voted for Hillary 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1735 I blame your mother. 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
1736 Remember when you said, "If I was the last man on earth?" 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1737 Now we really need someone to make it great again. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1738 It turns out he did make America disintegrate again. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1739 In retrospect, maybe we shouldn't have voted for Jill Stein. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1740 Why do you always have to make it about the apocalypse? 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1741 Let's start over. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1742 This is Kansas, Dorothy... What did you expect? 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1743 Some all-expenses-paid vacations just aren't worth it. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1744 Next time vote democratic 1.2989 0.06959 87 70 8 9
1745 No more "Do it yourself" YouTube videos. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1746 Do you want the short version or the long version? 1.2989 0.05451 87 63 22 2
1747 I know it isn't great again but it's not grounds for impeachment. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1748 WW III - It's a good thing we weren't home when it happened. 1.2989 0.06959 87 70 8 9
1749 I miss the old neighborhood. 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
1750 Is that lipstick on your collar? 1.2989 0.06764 87 69 10 8
1751 Hell hath no fury... 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1752 Hi. My name is Adam. 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
1753 Alright, I was wrong about President Trump. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1754 You're right, voting for Trump was a bad idea. 1.2989 0.06764 87 69 10 8
1755 This is absolutely the last time we use a Russian travel agent. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1756 Oh don't be so smug 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1757 You don't think America's great again? 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1758 Still better than Hillary. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1759 We'll always have Pittsburgh. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1760 When you said we'd have a blast, you really meant it. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1761 Sorry that I didn't get around to calling the gas company about that smell. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1762 Do you think it's finally "great" now? 1.2989 0.06764 87 69 10 8
1763 Fine. I'll stop trolling the President on Twitter. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1764 Let's eat out tonight. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1765 How about if I was the last man on scorched earth? 1.2989 0.06764 87 69 10 8
1766 They dropped it, why can't you? 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1767 Let me guess: I'll be sleeping on what's left of the couch tonight. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1768 Is this what you meant when you said: 'Let's start over again'? 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1769 Well! At least we have each other. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1770 At least we found seats next to each other. 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
1771 Oh stop complaining. He won. Let's just give him a chance. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1772 You never take me anywhere nice. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1773 Let's hope this is the best E-Harmony match ever. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1774 Well the media did not predict this would happen. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1775 I already said I'm sorry I voted for him. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1776 You shouldn't have pulled my finger. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1777 Any other ideas for avoiding the next four years? 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1778 When he said, 'Make America Great Again,' I missed the part about starting from scratch. 1.2989 0.06764 87 69 10 8
1779 At least we have each other. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1780 But what about her emails?!! 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1781 Welcome to 2017. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1782 Well, yeah, if the election were held today, sure..." 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1783 The timing for your acceptance of a woman president is just a little late, Phil. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1784 The tweet read 'Sad. No way it could be the Russians.' 1.2989 0.06764 87 69 10 8
1785 Yes, it's the end. Yes, the answer is still "No." 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1786 'You're disappointed, I can tell. I admit, my profile picture was taken pre-apocalypse.' 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1787 Now that I actually am the last man on Earth, how about that coffee? 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1788 See, Trump's first week wasn't so bad. 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1789 Well, Burt, you somehow topped our honeymoon in Bosnia ... 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1790 OK, I took the lumpy rock. What else do you want? 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1791 Yes, I voted for him--so what? 1.2955 0.06695 88 70 10 8
1792 Isn't tonight sex night? 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1793 Well I guess that just leaves you and me. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1794 We should try to patch things up. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1795 All I said was that his hands seemed unusually small. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1796 I'm the last man on Earth. Now will you go out with me? 1.2955 0.05636 88 65 20 3
1797 Turns out having a roof over my head was a large part of your appeal. 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1798 Maybe we should give couples therapy a rest. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1799 I thought we'd at least make it passed January 21st... 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1800 Are you happy now? I was wrong again - it IS the end of the world. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1801 OK, maybe deplorable. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1802 Now will you sleep with me? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1803 Ok, I did leave the stove on. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1804 I told you that giving the nuclear codes to a former reality TV show host was a bad idea. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1805 So, are you still so certain you wouldn't date me if I were the last person on the face of the Earth? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1806 I didn't promise you a rose garden. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1807 Well, clearly, but you voted for him, too. 1.2907 0.06793 86 69 9 8
1808 There is still the question of attorney fees. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1809 Now that I AM the last man on earth, are you sure you won't change your mind? 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1810 I guess this means we live with your mother now. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1811 No, it's definitely not half full. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1812 We made it through hell unscathed, now brace yourself for high water. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1813 No, I don't know where the LGBT bathrooms are. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1814 Or we could've just called an exterminator 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1815 So what if I WAS the last man on earth? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1816 ... And then someone called him a Cheeto for the very last time 1.2907 0.06992 86 70 7 9
1817 Can you hear me now? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1818 It's all your fault. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1819 Things could be worse. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1820 What would you like to keep in the divorce? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1821 Everywhere your mother goes its the same! 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1822 You're the one who insisted on the 20 year mortgage. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1823 Why don't we just order out? 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
1824 I told you not to put aluminum foil in the microwave 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1825 My mother always told me you were a homewrecker. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1826 I was right. Hell didn't freeze over. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1827 So what do think of our new president? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1828 What do you mean, I should have read the directions first? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1829 Go on, say it. I ruin things for everyone. 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
1830 Don't look at me like that, you are the one who voted for him. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1831 Sadly we are not in love among the ruins. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1832 Their calling it the 'tweet heard round the world' 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1833 And if I WAS the last man on earth? 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1834 Were your flights non-refundable too? 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1835 That's why it's called research & development. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1836 You can stop worrying that you left the stove on, Mildred. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1837 I'm rethinking my Trump vote. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1838 Not even if we were the last two people on Earth, huh, Carol? 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1839 Really? Armageddon was my fault? 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1840 Honey, you'll never guess what happened today... 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1841 So, are you going to vote for Trump again in 2020? 1.2907 0.06793 86 69 9 8
1842 Well at least he didn't have a private email server. 1.2907 0.06793 86 69 9 8
1843 I guess Kim Jung-un called The Donald's bluff. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1844 Fake news! It didn't happen. Sad. 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1845 I thought you said you turned the stove off. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1846 Now aren't you glad we didn't buy? 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
1847 Which house was Alec Baldwin's? 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1848 Did you shut off the oven? 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1849 Is it not uncanny that my name is Adam and that yours is Eve? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1850 So, I'm guessing your mother won't be coming now? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1851 What was it you said? Not even if I was the last man on Earth? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1852 The instructions came in every language but English. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1853 At least he did something in the first hundred days. 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
1854 If this is the end of civilization as we know it, at least that means he won't be re-elected. 1.2907 0.06992 86 70 7 9
1855 Well, that was one of the rougher therapy sessions I've had. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1856 Was that necessary - just to keep my mother from visiting?! 1.2907 0.05453 86 63 21 2
1857 Well, you're the one who voted for him. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1858 I wonder what would've happened if Russia hadn't been our friend... 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1859 I imagined ‘airy with historic views’ differently 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1860 Well you're nothing like your profile pic, Mr "lastmanonearth69" but I guess you'll have to do. 1.2907 0.06992 86 70 7 9
1861 At least we still have our health care plan. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1862 We got our guy elected, didn't we? 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1863 I know You don't want to hear it again, "there goes the neighborhood." 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1864 At least now we have one less thing to worry about. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1865 I can't get over how cheap our flights were! 1.2907 0.06378 86 67 13 6
1866 Okay, I should have voted! 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1867 Being married to you is still worse. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1868 Did you check the radiation levels before we left? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1869 Bad news, Ruth. It's no longer a seller's market. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1870 Love is a battlefield. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1871 How's 'Not if you were the last man on earth!' working for you now? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1872 Think you had enough cognac in the flambé? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1873 I think an Ikea run. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1874 You can't make me move. This block is rent controlled. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1875 OK, maybe we should have tried mediation. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1876 That was some sneeze. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1877 Fine, I'll admit it. I passed some gas. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1878 I told you the article about the meteor wasn't Fake News! 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1879 I guess he thought the Stone Age was great. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1880 You want to reconsider? Because it now looks like I am the last man on Earth. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1881 You're right, I shouldn't have fought you so much over the thermostat. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1882 I was hoping we'd at least make it until the inauguration. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1883 Alright, so I left the oven on. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1884 Why do you always blame me when something goes wrong? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1885 It's a metaphor. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1886 I guess we'll never have Paris 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1887 You're my ex. So, at least we don't still have each other. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1888 Didn't take long for America to be 'Great Again'. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1889 Do you still think they were right to take away his Twitter account? 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1890 Now it will be even more fantastic when he makes America great again. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1891 Did you remember to turn off the lights? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1892 "What's your favorite home renovation show"? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1893 Did you unplug the coffee pot? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1894 I guess a "hot" real estate market can mean two different things. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1895 Well that couple's therapy session ended well. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1896 I hate it when a neighborhood gets discovered. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1897 I love what you've done with the space. 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
1898 Do you think the parade is still on? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1899 I guess I thought that the apocalypse would be more...something. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1900 When I said, 'Let's vacation in Damascus', I meant Maryland. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1901 I pulled the lever in the voting booth and next thing you know..... 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1902 I'm Adam. What's your name? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1903 So, you still feel good about that protest vote? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1904 One day after inauguration and here were are..... 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1905 Look at the bright side. Your mother can't come. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1906 I think we should try mediation. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1907 Ok, fine. That "Holiday in Aleppo" brochure may have been a bit out-of-date. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1908 Was that a definite "no?" 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1909 I told you over and over again we were on the eve of destruction. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1910 We stay...I refuse to learn another language! 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1911 So he won. It's not the end of the world. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1912 I was very happy with our simple, ordinary life, but then you had to convert to gas. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1913 Homewrecker! 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1914 It's just like you to always look at the dark side. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1915 Say "great" again, I dare you. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1916 Henry, you've ruined everything. 1.2857 0.07299 84 70 4 10
1917 OK, we've de-cluttered. Are you happy now? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1918 Ok now I agree with you about Trump 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1919 It's the first step of his jobs program. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1920 You started it. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1921 Yes, there is a learning curve when making your own fireworks. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1922 Yeah, but Hillary was a crook. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1923 Unless you have your proof of insurance, I'm afraid I can't help you. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1924 We should have voted for Hillary. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1925 Well, I've always done the cooking, and you've always done the picking up. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1926 I don't see any reason to go to work today, do you? 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1927 Ready to repopulate? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1928 Told you to cut the BLUE wire!! 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1929 You have to admit . . . the Mexicans did build a fantastic wall. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1930 Did you have to look so disappointed when I said, 'at least we still have each other'? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1931 Should we cancel the lawn care service? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1932 Okay, you were right. I should have read the directions. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1933 You and your 'Off-Season Rates'! 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1934 At least we have our health. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1935 Could be worse. They could have seated us by the kitchen. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1936 Fine -- so my mother's visit was, in fact, the end of the world. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1937 This approach worked in the campaign. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1938 This could have happened just as easily if she was president. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1939 Obama was right-there are no red states or blue states. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1940 You told your lawyer to go nuclear. Happy now? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1941 So, is America Great Again yet? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1942 I am the last man on earth. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1943 I guess elections do have consequences. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1944 I say we give it one half of one star on TripAdvisor. 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
1945 I have an idea for a home renovation reality show. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1946 ...And so I said to myself, what a wonderful world. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1947 So, does that whole "Not if you're the last man on earth" thing still count. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1948 Well, I STILL wouldn't have voted for Hillary because of her emails. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1949 On the bright side at least nuclear winter will balance global warming. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1950 Tell me again about how elections don't matter. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1951 I'm having second thoughts about voting for Donald Trump 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
1952 The box said it was safe for boys 10 to 15. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1953 I didn't think "scorched earth policy" applied to us. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1954 You can't expect to make America great again if you aren't willing to ruffle a few feathers. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1955 "Well, I think it's only gong to be a four year term". 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1956 Not to say I told you so, but that didn't take long 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1957 At least we're still in Kansas. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1958 "Great" is a subjective word I guess. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1959 Any thoughts on dinner? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1960 "Not if I was the last man on earth," really? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1961 Okay fine, I admit it. I should've voted for her. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1962 Don't worry, the hipsters will move in soon. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1963 It was your idea to use the travel agent from Kabul 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1964 I'd say we still have each other, but frankly that doesn't do it for me. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1965 Noah started with less. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1966 The city bus may not be coming, want to try Uber? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1967 Fox News didn't see it coming. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1968 At least this will deter the immigrants. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1969 I knew the play bombed, but I didn't think the critics would go this far. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1970 OK, but his Supreme Court pick was awesome. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1971 But he repealed Obamacare. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1972 You just couldn't wait to use the nuclear option in this argument, could you? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1973 All things considered, how do you like the neighborhood? 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1974 O K you win. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1975 I told you I can't cook! 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1976 Looks like I AM the last man on earth. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1977 There's 'repeal'. I'm waiting for 'replace'. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1978 Ok, who's ready to repopulate the earth? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1979 Well, at least the Mexicans paid for that wall. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1980 No, honey, I still would not vote for Hillary. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1981 I thought the directions said to pre-heat oven to 3500 degrees. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1982 OK, maybe his last tweet was a LITTLE too provocative. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1983 I was told to cut the green wire. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1984 Four more years? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1985 You said you weren't concerned about his foreign policy. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1986 Well, now that I am the last man on earth, I'll give you one more chance to reconsider. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1987 I don't understand. the brochures said Aleppo is lovely this time of year 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1988 The Donald tweeted a photobomb challenge to Vlad - and and it was downhill from there. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1989 He said that it had nothing to do with the fact that we didn’t vote for him. He said they were showing him the button and his little hand slipped. 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
1990 Please listen carefully, as our menu options have recently changed. 1.2857 0.05240 84 61 22 1
1991 He said literally but, I didn't think he meant literally. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1992 I see this as a unique buying opportunity. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1993 Do you remember me saying 'The world may end, but our love will last forever...' 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1994 Oh! Carol! I feel the earth move under my feet!" "Oh! Neil! I feel the sky tumbling down! 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1995 So? You from around here? 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
1996 Why didn't you tell me that you'd never changed a fuse before? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1997 Well I'm really glad we gave Trump a chance! ...Now what? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1998 OK, OK... But I still think she lied about her emails. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1999 I don't care what you say, I feel great again. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2000 Well, you got your wish for no more obnoxious neighbors. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2001 Didn't see that one coming. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2002 Think of it as our very own Waiting for Godot moment. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2003 So that's why they called it Tinder. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2004 Now I'm glad we didn't pay the gas bill 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2005 You can't say he wasn't effective. Race, immigration, employment, trade and health care aren't problems anymore. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2006 You had to give the kids a chemistry set. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2007 I thought I'd be wearing something edgier after the apocalypse. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2008 Tell me again how this is great? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2009 Should we repopulate? 1.2857 0.05240 84 61 22 1
2010 Perhaps you'll be a little lerss condenscending now that I really am the last man on earth. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2011 'I don't care. I'm still not staying at your mother's. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2012 Next year, I'll choose the vacation destination. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
2013 I don't have any of my usual first date jitters 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2014 My point is, it's a lot easier to make something great again if you completely destroy it first. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2015 You were right—I should have voted for Hillary. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2016 Don't look at me. I didn't vote. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2017 I still say 2016 was worse. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
2018 I chase storms Helen, it's what I do. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2019 Did you remember to unplug the iron? 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2020 But if you put aside the retaliation, you have to admit that it was one of Trump's best zingers. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2021 That's amazing -- I was raised by a post-apocalyptic mutant motorcycle gang too! 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2022 Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2023 This is why we can't have nice things. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2024 The people have spoken. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
2025 I told you we didn't need reservations. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2026 Not even if you were the last person on Earth. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2027 Beans and cabbage for dinner, and then you light a cigarette ! 1.2857 0.06895 84 68 8 8
2028 Next on the list, Social Security. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2029 The last one ever, but a helluva tweet. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2030 On the bright side, Trump was only a one-term president. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2031 I like this place because it hasn't been gentrified. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2032 No, I don't think this apocalypse makes you look fat. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2033 I just want to be sure you're actually the last man on Earth. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2034 Anything new going on with Kim and Kanye? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2035 Now that I AM the last person on Earth, you still won't talk to me? 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
2036 I'll give up the seat when your friend arrives. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2037 We could be in the middle of a real estate boom. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
2038 So we gave him a chance. Is it ok to ask now if we made a mistake? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2039 On second thought, maybe I did leave the coffee maker on. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2040 I told you to get rid of your Samsung. 1.2857 0.05761 84 63 18 3
2041 Well...now that I actually AM the last man on earth, how about dinner? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2042 The next time you want to play with the grandkids we're going to their house! 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2043 Well, we still own a piece of the rock. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2044 No, I still won't move to the suburbs. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2045 Finally, it's just the two of us. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2046 I didn't vote for the guy. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2047 So what do you wanna do after this? 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2048 No, Fred, you may not call me "Wilma," now. 1.2824 0.06613 85 68 10 7
2049 So what time is your mother coming? 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
2050 Oh oh. Did I turn the oven off? 1.2824 0.06613 85 68 10 7
2051 Could be worse. Could be snowing. 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
2052 You said you were looking for something in a pre-war building? 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2053 Did you remember to record Game of Thrones? 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2054 Well, Sue, it looks like I'm the last man on Earth. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2055 I had a rough day. What's for dinner? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2056 What? Sorry, hon, I wasn't listening. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2057 You're sure you sent in the premium ? 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2058 Let's just order takeout. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2059 '' I liked your pre-apocalyptic stare better than I like your post." 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2060 Do you think its a coincidence that my name is Adam, Eve? 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2061 At least he kept half of his campaign promise. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2062 Up till now, my first dates tended to be duds. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2063 So you're the last woman on earth. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2064 I hope I don't step on my glasses! 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2065 I agree her handling of e-mail doesn't seem like that big of a deal, in retrospect. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2066 Remember when you said, "I would never. Even if you're the last man on earth." Well... 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2067 Everything seems to quiet down after the holidays. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2068 You look just like your profile picture. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2069 Next time, get out and vote! 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2070 When I voted for him to shake things up, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2071 Hey, even a licensed electrician could've made the same mistake. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2072 Damn Right! And I would vote for him again! 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2073 See, I told you everything would be okay. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2074 I didn't realize there was a nuclear option for decluttering." 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2075 Thank you for giving him a chance. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2076 And what brings you to speed dating? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2077 Beats 2016. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2078 Okay, I really know that you're pissed off. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2079 NOW do we have room for a pool table!?! 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2080 Don't blame me. I didn't vote for him either. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2081 So, you still think Trump will be re-elected? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2082 Oh, well, at least he didn't use a private e-mail server. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2083 Why not just level with me? 1.2771 0.06924 83 68 7 8
2084 At least Hillary Clinton isn't president 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2085 Do you have any plans for Saturday night? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2086 Now THAT is what I call a fart! 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2087 I feel like that really cleared the air 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2088 Not if you were the last man on earth. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2089 I'm not moving until you say, "I'm sorry." 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2090 I told you we should have moved to Canada! 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2091 Let's go out for dinner. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2092 Hey! I'm not the one who voted for him! 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2093 How was I supposed to know a politician was going to do exactly what he said he was going to do? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2094 Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have given a damn about Hillary's email. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2095 I still don't want to meet your mother. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2096 Honestly....Netflix is what I miss the most. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2097 Ok dear, maybe I should try the Acidophilus. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2098 I bet you feel some guilt NOW over pushing so hard for the vasectomy. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2099 A penny for your thoughts. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2100 You knew I had a temper when you married me. 1.2771 0.05231 83 61 21 1
2101 But you voted to change the landscape! 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2102 And I thought the election results were a disaster 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2103 I tell you I don't care. What do YOU want to do for dinner? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2104 Still glad you voted for him? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2105 Oh c'mon, we've got front row seats. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2106 I TOLD you not to use foil in the microwave! 1.2771 0.06924 83 68 7 8
2107 This is why you don't stick a knife in the toaster. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2108 I still think it's Hillary's fault. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2109 Pizza or Chinese? 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2110 You just had to send that tweet about Trump's haircut! 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2111 Don't look at me like that. I didn't vote for him. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2112 Okay, maybe that slogan should have been "Make America Again". 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2113 See, not everything is fake news! 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2114 Let's eat out instead. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2115 Had we added an 'acts of war' rider we'd be sitting pretty. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2116 I dunno. What do you want to do? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2117 Survivors can't be choosers! 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2118 Let's not start over. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2119 Surely they knew #DrainTheSwamp was a metaphor. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2120 Madam, I'm Adam 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2121 Yes, but I didn't think he'd really do it. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2122 Well. OK. But let's look at the positive side. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2123 Okay: I was wrong to tell you not to worry about the oven. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2124 Tell me again how this is "not the end of the world." 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2125 I still think we should give him a chance. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2126 I told you this would happen. Well maybe not this, but something. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2127 They're saying to cut the new Administration some slack. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2128 Oh, so it's my fault? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2129 Maybe buying the pressure cooker wasn't such a good idea. 1.2771 0.06924 83 68 7 8
2130 Look at the bright side. Now we don't need to make room for your mother. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2131 And you still think it was okay to vote for that man..?! 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2132 "My beans won't give you gas", you said. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2133 While it WAS a load-bearing wall, I think we can both agree this really opens up the space. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2134 I guess this means we can skip couples therapy. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2135 Oh well, we've survived worse. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2136 'Please call me Adam' 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2137 We still need to give Trump a chance. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2138 Maybe I was wrong about the world not coming to an end if we skipped dinner with your sister. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2139 I see no earthly reason to wait any longer for the cable guy. Gladys. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2140 Honest. All I did was ‘like’ Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2141 We must have different definitions of the word "great." 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2142 Well, that's that with our reverse mortgage plans.. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2143 Yeah, but we won! Didn't we? 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2144 Just think of this as an opportunity. We needed a new water heater anyway. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2145 I'm not convinced we should abandon the electoral college just yet. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2146 We need to talk 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2147 I hope that cockroaches are an acquired taste. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2148 Actually, a verbal description of our marriage would have sufficed. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2149 well, I am the last man on earth, can we have a date? 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2150 I am still proud to have a President that represents me! 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2151 So you don't think we'll get our deposit back? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2152 You used hotels.com again, didn't you Frank? 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2153 Your profile said that you are an optimist. 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2154 Yes, but Hillary would have been even worse. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2155 Oh, like Hilary would have done any better. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2156 All those years of eating paleo might actually help us. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2157 Ok, maybe I'm second guessing my vote a little.... 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2158 Let's not go to sleep angry. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2159 Alright. Perhaps it was a bit of an overreaction. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2160 Fine, I admit it: casting a protest vote was a mistake. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2161 No one said making it great again was going to be easy. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2162 Ok. I guess I should have voted differently. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2163 "Remember when I said I wanted to see other people? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2164 I should have thought more before voting 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2165 When I ignore the present and forget the past, I really think our best times are ahead. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2166 Remember what Kellyanne Conway said about seeing the goodness in his heart? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2167 " Don't worry we still have all that money in our 401K' 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2168 Your mother seemed to enjoy her visit. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2169 I guess Trump' first term wasn't too bad. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2170 OK, I admit I voted for him. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2171 Still glad you voted for Trump? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2172 Is there someone else? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2173 Well, you always told me things could be worse. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2174 Well, I heard from some very reliable sources that a brand new affordable medical plan will be offered in only two more days. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2175 I guess ordering a pizza is out. 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2176 And if I had asked for directions, it would have 'avoided all this' how, exactly? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2177 Should I focus on asset growth or wealth preservation? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2178 Hey, I didn't vote for him either. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2179 As I've said all along, not even if you are the last man alive. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2180 You know what? It’s about time we had a President who’s not afraid to shake things up. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2181 Well I don't think Hillary would have done any better. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2182 If you say, "let's start from scratch," I'll kill you. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2183 As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted... 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2184 Marry me and half is yours. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2185 Are you available to re-populate this afternoon? 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2186 Ah. alone at last! 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2187 Okay, Okay! Yes. I voted for him. 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2188 I think we both agree now, cooking is not your forte. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2189 Ok, ok - I'm listening. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2190 Make the wasteland great again. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2191 But now we can make it great again! 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2192 But her emails though. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2193 Now this is deplorable. 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2194 He did say he was going to decrease the size of the government. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2195 It's my vote, and I don't regret it. 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2196 Do you smell gas? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2197 You just couldn't wait the five minutes before trying to relight the grill. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2198 On the contrary, Ira, I think it's the perfect time to discuss the bathroom remodel. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2199 Do you think it's too late to refinance? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2200 Well at least we can finally cancel our E-Harmony accounts. 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2201 You said my vote wouldn't matter. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2202 Please, no more beans at supper. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2203 You were right. I shouldn't have voted for him. 1.2771 0.06708 83 67 9 7
2204 That was a disaster. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2205 Can we talk now? 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2206 So...I'm guessing you used to live around here? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2207 You're sure you read the terms & conditions? 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2208 See? Great again. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2209 Don't you love the peace and quiet? 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2210 Well,you don't see any more swamps,do you? 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2211 Does it really matter if I don't put the toilet seat down? 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2212 It's a good time to buy. We're expecting the area to gentrify. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
2213 Now will you listen to me? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2214 Don't blame me. I voted for Hillary. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2215 You free tonight ? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2216 Personally, I prefer the hole in the ground a couple of blocks over. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2217 I think this gives us a chance to start over. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2218 We were lucky to have these seats. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2219 I understand. But, what's for dinner? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2220 You first 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2221 I guess all that's left is football and mixed martial arts. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2222 This never happens when my family visits. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2223 How was traffic? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2224 I'm still not going to date you. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2225 So, we're agreed, direct election of the president, if we find any more survivors. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2226 You probably don't have to deal with my mother any more. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2227 Okay, fine. We'll do it your way. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2228 Flatulence!" "What flatulence? 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2229 Maybe not your dream vacation, but it's affordable. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2230 I think we can qualify for a lower real estate tax assessment. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2231 I'm Evan. I'm the last man on Earth. And you are? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2232 Let's not try to repopulate the world. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2233 So, I guess the meeting's off? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2234 Well, he saved those Indiana jobs from going to Mexico, didn't he? 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2235 Where shall we go for lunch? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2236 Actually, it IS the end of the world Frances. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2237 Not much. You? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2238 You were right, I shouldn't have pushed that button. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2239 His cap needs a new slogan. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2240 The label clearly said 'Dry Clean Only.' 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2241 I hope the New Yorker's cartoon caption is not yet another obvious reference to Donald Trump 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2242 So, about that 'last man on Earth' thing ... 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2243 Maybe voting for Trump was a bad idea. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2244 I wonder if, in retrospect, he regrets tweeting, 'Go ahead, make my day.' 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2245 Sad! 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2246 This gives a whole new meaning to 'starting over'...... 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2247 Somewhere, Hillary Clinton is saying, "I told you so." 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2248 He said that The Button was so small, he mashed it with his elbow when he took the call from Putin. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2249 Technically dear this IS the last place on Earth 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2250 So... what's for dinner. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2251 But those emails... 1.2683 0.06952 82 68 6 8
2252 We'll always have Manhattan. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2253 Make America great again. Step 1. Blow it up. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2254 Finally, alone, just the two of us. 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2255 I meant it when I said, "not even if you were the last man on earth." 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2256 Between you and me... 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2257 I still think she was hiding something in those emails. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2258 I suppose I never really considered the ramifications of voting to "shake things up." 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2259 OK, I take back what I said about if we were the last people on Earth. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2260 Nope, now is not a good time to talk about us. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2261 Maybe we should consider a new anger management counselor. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2262 I guess you were serious when you said you wouldn't have sex with me if I was the last man on Earth. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2263 I think the divorce is going quite well, don't you? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2264 Greatness begins with a clean slate. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2265 Don't give me that look. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2266 Don’t ever insult Melania again. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2267 I like missionary. You? 1.2683 0.06952 82 68 6 8
2268 What's that perfume you're wearing? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2269 I blame Nixon. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2270 Let's time travel to the future, you said. It will be a magical utopia, you said. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2271 You said, and I quote, "affordable timeshare, with plenty of warm sun." 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2272 You never should've made fun of his hands. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2273 Does it change your mind that I am the last guy left? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2274 I warned you what a careless tweet could do. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2275 Well, there's no one else to nag now. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2276 Honey, the points were going to expire if we didn't use them. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2277 Are you waiting for the bus too? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2278 A minor setback. He's still going to make America great again! 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2279 I want a trial separation 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2280 Oh come on, 2016 wasn't that bad. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2281 But what if Godot doesn't come? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2282 I don't care if you are the last man on earth, I don't want to get married. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2283 all i said was pull my finger 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2284 I forget - you would or you wouldn't if I was the last man on earth? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2285 I suppose you think I had something to do with this? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2286 But SHE used a private email server! 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2287 Maybe we should try divorce mediation, after all. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2288 They bombed our house to make America great again? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2289 I never really liked this place, anyway. 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2290 I'm now thinking we should have voted for Hillary. 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2291 I told you the phrase "Great Again" was subject to interpretation. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2292 Alright. We'll go out for dinner. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2293 Next time, let's not invite your sister. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2294 Okay - this one is my fault. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2295 Hi, my name is Adam. Mind if I call you Eve? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2296 So, apparently this place used to be a swamp. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2297 Yeah, but can you imagine how much worse it would've been if we elected somebody who was AGAINST Russia? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2298 Not with a bang or a whimper, after all, but a tweet. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2299 I'm ready to discuss a cease-fire. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2300 Who woulda thought making us great again meant starting from scratch? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2301 location,location,location 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2302 I thought you knew how to cook. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2303 Sorry I forgot to remove the lint from the dryer. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2304 Want to move in with me? 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2305 Just think how worse it would be if Hillary had been elected. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2306 They'll give us the replacement plan any day now. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2307 You want to go for a bite? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2308 How ironic is it that now there's peace and quiet. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2309 Not much. What's new with you? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2310 And I supposed you would like to blame this on me as well 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2311 Wanted peace, but got quiet instead. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2312 Then I said "I double dare you!" 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2313 Do you wanna maybe rethink when you said, 'Not if you were the last man on Earth'? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2314 In times like these, we need marshmallows. 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2315 I'm an optimist, so I would call it the "beginning of nights" 1.2683 0.06732 82 67 8 7
2316 ....and this was just day one of the new administration. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2317 I can't wait for Season 2! 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2318 All in all, the first week of the new administration could have been worse. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2319 Should we say something? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2320 But Hillary's emails... 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2321 Remember, we elected him. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2322 Great, now there's no one behind the DMV counter. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2323 I'm sorry but Your policy doesn't cover 'total devastation'. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2324 ...did I mention all the natural lighting? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2325 Are you saying we don't have each other? 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2326 So, what is it you wanted to talk about? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2327 "Vote for him", you said. "He'll make America great again", you said. 1.2683 0.06952 82 68 6 8
2328 Should we order in? 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2329 It's amazing what you can accomplish with a tweet. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2330 Point taken. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2331 Well, now your only choice for a date IS the last man on earth. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2332 Our divorce was hard on everyone. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2333 I have an idea for a Twilight Zone episode. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2334 Did you remember to turn off the bathroom light? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2335 Had to vote for him, didn't you? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2336 So this is what's at the bottom of a swamp. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2337 Now that the swamp's been drained, what's next? 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2338 Well, now we know. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2339 Madam, I'm Adam 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2340 So much for the presidential honeymoon. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2341 We can check that off our bucket list. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2342 Contemporary is out. Apocalyptic is in. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2343 I always fantasized about this moment but with palm trees and sand. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2344 I'm sorry. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2345 "We'll always have Aleppo. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2346 Well, there should be plenty of jobs now. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2347 I wouldn't marry you if you were the last person on Earth. 1.2651 0.06433 83 67 10 6
2348 On the bright side, there will be no traffic going home. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2349 What are we saving the good china for? 1.2651 0.06658 83 68 8 7
2350 'Lucky you. Now I am the last man on earth.' 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2351 I told you his Tweet would cause this. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2352 She’s a sore loser but she plays an impressive trump card. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2353 Now that I am the last man on earth, do you want to reconsider that date? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2354 Now then, where were we? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2355 See honey, I told you everything would be fine. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2356 Alright already, no more gas furnace repair correspondence courses. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2357 It was impossible to get a table. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2358 Can I call you Eve? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2359 I know we did it to other countries, that doesn't mean they should've done it back, Barb. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2360 how the fuck is this my fault 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2361 Next time, let's just talk. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2362 I was right! It took only one week for Trump to blow up the world. You said it would take a month. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2363 Are you still voting Trump again in 2020? 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2364 The people have spoken. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2365 I'm still not over the emails. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2366 What kind of name is Eve 2.0? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2367 On the bright side ,we won't have to keep up or even put up with the Joneses any longer. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2368 There you go again. Did you even hear a word I said? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2369 "I'm still glad I voted for him". 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2370 Well, in order to make it great again we had to destroy it. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2371 These aren't the ruins they mentioned in the guide book. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2372 I told you voting for Trump was a mistake. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2373 Marcy, it's over. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2374 OK, I admit I voted for him. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2375 I don't feel great. Do you feel great? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2376 You win! It only took two weeks since he was inaugerated. 1.2625 0.06831 80 66 7 7
2377 Bomb shelters are so 50s, you said. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2378 You can't blame this one on my mother. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2379 I'm quitting smoking tomorrow. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2380 We've been through worse. Remember Trump? 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2381 How about next year we skip the Historic Aleppo tour? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2382 I know you said "not if you were the last man in the world." I hoped maybe you had reconsidered. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2383 I told you we should have been listening to the weather channel. 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2384 I told you I had a gluten allergy. 1.2625 0.06831 80 66 7 7
2385 But you did say, 'Whatever it takes to get rid of the rats'—and now you've changed your mind?! 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2386 Well, that’s one way to drain the swamp. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2387 Alexa, cancel armageddon. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2388 Yeah but her emails. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2389 Well, hindsight is always 2020, but I still think 'Make America Great Again' was an appealing concept. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2390 Okay! You win! I should have gone with Hillary! 1.2625 0.07058 80 67 5 8
2391 This is not what I thought he meant by "great" 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2392 Well, do you know any restaurants on the west side? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2393 This neighborhood will only get better. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2394 Do you think the buses have stopped running? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2395 I'd vote for him again. 1.2625 0.07058 80 67 5 8
2396 I think the Russians hacked TripAdvisor 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2397 Good thing you canned all that salsa. 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2398 I thought retirement would have more to offer. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2399 Not smitten. Smote. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2400 Where do you want to scavenge for dinner? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2401 And that's why there was an electoral college 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2402 We should have agreed to negotiate. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2403 Don't look at me ; I didn't vote for him. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2404 I suggest we stop here and save the rest for our therapy. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2405 Speed dating rules, okay? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2406 I never imagined that "Make America Great Again" required a complete makeover. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2407 No, I never got around to watching the final episode. So you wouldn't be spoiling it. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2408 I'll see what the deductible is on our policy. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2409 Well, thank God for those emails! Just imagine the fix we'd be in if Hillary had won. 1.2625 0.06831 80 66 7 7
2410 He did say he'd shake things up. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2411 At least he's using the right e-mail server. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2412 Now aren't you glad that we didn't buy that expensive rug. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2413 Does it also mean that tragedy equals comedy minus time? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2414 So, how has YOUR January 21st been? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2415 You're right, it's not that great. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2416 See? I told you voting for him wouldn't matter. We're just fine. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2417 I still don't regret my vote. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2418 Did you hear that ? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2419 Yes, I still don’t like her; and no, I would not change my vote now. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2420 Give him a chance, would you? He's only been in office for a week. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2421 It has to get bad, before it gets 'great again'! 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2422 Don't blame me. I voted for Her 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2423 You are using the word "literally" wrong. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2424 I'm starting to think the liberal elites were right about Trump. 1.2625 0.06831 80 66 7 7
2425 At least he drained the swamp... 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2426 I guess now there is no longer a need for The Wall. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2427 Unfriending them just wasn't enough. 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2428 It's not the end of the world, Eve. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2429 Adventure and frugal were the only guidelines you gave me on picking our vacation Muriel. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2430 Isn't our second date a little early to start talking about repopulating? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2431 Hillary should have campaigned in Wisconsin 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2432 So, do you think the bus will be on time? 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
2433 How is this is my fault? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2434 Ok, I'll grant you the weather does seem to be changing. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2435 What's a nice girl like you doing in a post-apocalyptic world like this? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2436 Well, at least the neighbor's dog won't wake you up in the morning. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2437 Well, I guess it is a little ironic that I was stockpiling gasoline, explosives and kitchen matches in anticipation of an apocalypse. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2438 They claim his finger slipped when he gave someone the bird. 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2439 I understand real estate is very cheap here in Aleppo. 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2440 Now will you stop smoking! 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2441 Okay. Now getting back to Hillary's e-mails. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2442 "Well, I guess that's that". 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
2443 Okay, I admit it: I shouldn't have kept saying, 'That's only what he says, not what he means.' 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2444 I've always wanted to start from scratch. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2445 Don't worry dear, Trump will eventually get the hang of it. 1.2593 0.06521 81 66 9 6
2446 Is it really the end of the world if I don't visit your mother? 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2447 Yes, I promise I'll never try to make dinner for us again, Dear..... 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2448 But the important thing is we haven't compromised our principles. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2449 What was it you were saying about "last man on earth?" 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2450 Okay, yes, you had a point. But were we supposed to just ignore those emails? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2451 Now, what did you want to talk about before we were so rudely interrupted? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2452 I *know* you're the last woman on Earth. It's a figure of speech! 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2453 My day was fine, how was yours? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2454 I told you we should have taken the nuclear holocaust rider. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2455 Don't make this into a bigger thing. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2456 Turns out, we paid for it. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2457 I told you a vacation in Syria is a bad idea. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2458 Great again? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2459 Yeah, but at least he got rid of Obamacare! 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2460 Well, if I had to guess, I'd say Eve. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2461 And that'why I think Bernie would have won 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2462 Well, I DO consider this a date. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2463 Maybe we should eat out tonight? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2464 At least I heard the wall on the southern border is still intact. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2465 If it didn't spark joy, I got rid of it. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2466 I thought Vladimir and The Donald were friends! 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2467 Well, at least this solves our illegal immigration problem. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2468 I'd like to have a nuclear family some day. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2469 What were we fighting about? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2470 You still want that divorce? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2471 Yeah, but Hillary's emails. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2472 CheapMideastVacations.com? Good job, honey! 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2473 January 21st isn't as bad as I thought it would be 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2474 I don't suppose we can get takeout. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2475 The first 100 days 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2476 Time to enjoy our empty nest! 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2477 Well, I never promised you a rose garden. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2478 Face it, Doris--our son needs help. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2479 You told me to use the plunger. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2480 It's funny how focused our conversations can be when you wipe away all the distractions. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2481 Well, at least we have our health. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2482 I knew this was coming, but I thought he'd at least get sworn into office first! 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2483 Next time you tap your ruby slippers please don't say, "There's no place like Homs." 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2484 Okay, okay, okay. Maybe, just maybe, Hillary would have been better. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2485 Really not sure where Amazon will be leaving our deliveries. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2486 Don't look at me like that, I voted for Hillary! 1.2532 0.06853 79 66 6 7
2487 What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2488 Maybe now you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior... 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2489 Did you really mean it when you said you wouldn't sleep with me even if I was the only man left on Earth? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2490 I don't think this is the "fresh start" the marriage counsellor envisioned for us. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2491 I told you to read the directions. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2492 I want a divorce. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2493 I think the election turned out fine. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2494 Still better than Hillary. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2495 Honey, I think I forgot to turn the gas off. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2496 I promise, once our luggage arrives you'll feel much better. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2497 My, those were good beans! 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2498 Now will you marry me? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2499 Who'd of thought a Tweet could do all this? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2500 What do we do now, Eve? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2501 Do you mind if I use your bathroom? 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2502 I forgot my safe word. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2503 It appears that gerrymandering has side effects. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2504 Well, we knew Trump was going to change things 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2505 Told you Bernie was the answer. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2506 We won. Still not happy? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2507 All right we're done with the community property. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2508 Makin' America great again requires starting from zero. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2509 The good news is the furniture arrives tomorrow. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2510 I slept with her once, four years ago. Why are we still talking about this? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2511 I think we should go with House Number Two. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2512 Look on the bright side. Hell didn't freeze over. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2513 Shall we eat out tonight? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2514 I told you that vote for Jill Stein was a waste... 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2515 I'm just saying it's a pretty big coincidence that this happened right when you asked me to do the dishes. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2516 I assume this answers your question. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2517 Yes. I put a fork in the toaster. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2518 I suppose this means the bus will be late again. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2519 Why can't you ever look at the bright side? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2520 Are you still mad at me? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2521 Hi Eve. I'm Adam. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2522 Do you think the bus will be on time today? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2523 Well, I'm the last man on earth. How about that date? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2524 Any plans next Tuesday? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2525 And to think he did all of this in his first month. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2526 This is probably an exception to needing a formal introduction first. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2527 Yeah, but think how bad it would've been if she'd won. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2528 I called Geico but the phone was dead. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2529 You said I needed a hobby 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2530 I pick the next vacation destination. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2531 Yes, but she did have her own email server 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2532 Well at least the election is over. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2533 Did I mention that I'm thinking of becoming a vegan? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2534 I'll miss Mexico too. But it was cheaper than building the wall. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2535 How do you feel about procreation? 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2536 Now what? I leveled the playing field...... 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2537 Well this time Mexico can pay for it. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2538 I told you it was off season! 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2539 Yes, he did say "you want to be unpredictable" with nuclear weapons, but you're totally twisting what he meant. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2540 I’ve always wanted to learn Russian. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2541 We'll always have your icy glare. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2542 No, I asked you to turn off the stove. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2543 Can we at least agree he was right about Putin's strength? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2544 Care to join me in starting-up the human population again? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2545 At least you don't have to deal with my clutter anymore. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2546 I think the next election should be decided by the popular vote 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2547 Minor side effects are to be expected when making America great again. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2548 But what were you cooking? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2549 I thought he said he was going to make America great again. 1.2532 0.06853 79 66 6 7
2550 So what do you think of Trump now? 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2551 That thing you said about 'Not even if you were the last man on Earth.' Did you mean it? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2552 Finally, America is great again. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2553 No, you're the one who said, 'Vote for Trump. What could go wrong?' 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2554 I'm still peeved about those emails. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2555 So now I suppose we can put your Degree in Dystopian Literature to good use? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2556 But Hillary had a private email server! 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2557 It could have been worse 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2558 I love what you've done with the space. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2559 I blame fake news. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2560 At least now, Trump will not be reelected. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2561 So, are we thinking pizza tonight? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2562 You can't beat the taxes. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2563 You should have been here yesterday 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2564 I thought you turned off the coffeemaker. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2565 Just think of all the celebrity deaths. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2566 So, should I cancel my vasectomy appointment? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2567 I think our side won. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2568 If we give President Trump another four years, I'm sure he'll turn things around. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2569 Looked like a little innocent drone to me. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2570 I told you it would blow over. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2571 Don't worry - fake-news 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2572 For the hundredth time, I'm sorry I forgot our anniversary. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2573 I doubt we'll see a taxi for a while. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2574 I don't understand. The bus is usually right on time. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2575 I can't think of anything funny, either. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2576 OK, fine. He didn't make it great again. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2577 You always said not even if you were last man in the world. Care to reconsider? 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2578 What makes you so sure it was Russia? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2579 Ok, NOW your mother can't stay with us. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2580 Where do you see yourself in five years? 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2581 He won. She lost. Get over it. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2582 Honey, this is all they have in our price range. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2583 Al Roker was sure off base with this one 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2584 Don't ever light up a cigarette after judging a Chili cook off. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2585 I still think Hillary shouldn't have had a private email server. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2586 I'm glad we spent all that time on choosing drapes. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2587 Is this what he meant by "Making America great again?" 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2588 So...would you sleep with me now? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2589 Well, at least we didn't vote for the candidate with the private email server 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2590 Is this a bad time to tell you I cancelled our homeowner's insurance to pay the health insurance deductible. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2591 Honey, I don't think this has anything to do with my leaving the toilet seat up. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2592 Have you been on many other first dates lately? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2593 How great is this? Let me tell you. It's so, so great. Believe me. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2594 What community property? 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2595 I suppose your'e going to blame THIS on me? 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2596 He tweeted WHAT about Vladimir? 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2597 That was one hell of a Tweetstorm 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2598 This isn’t the post-election outcome I voted for!! 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2599 Well, I hope the 2020 Inauguration event is better than this one. 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2600 Thirsty? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2601 The Trumpet did sound! 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2602 Now that we got that out of the way. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2603 Apparently, 'DRAIN THE SWAMP' was a metaphor. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2604 I wonder how my 401k is doing? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2605 I thought he would be good for the economy. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2606 You said you wanted a disruptive change 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2607 ... but you can call me Adam. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2608 Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have voted for Jill Stein. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2609 You always said, "only if we were the last people on earth"... 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2610 Now he can deliver on his infrastructure-spending promise. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2611 You voted for him, not me. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2612 You have to break a few eggs to make America great again. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2613 Wow, that must have been some tweet! 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2614 It's been a blast, Helen, but I'm outta here! 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2615 I see you're not wearing your 'Make America Great Again' hat 1.2532 0.06612 79 65 8 6
2616 Ok, we gave him a chance. Now what? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2617 So, I voted for him, so, sue me. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2618 I wonder what's holding up the bus this time. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2619 Next year, I'm voting for the Democrat. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2620 We're HERE dear, and we are NO WAY paying a cancellation fee! 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2621 So, you said if we were the last two people on earth... 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2622 Feel better now? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2623 Let's just put it out on the table that neither of us would be our first choice to repopulate the planet and go from there. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2624 I think that this vacation was a total disaster. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2625 Ok, Ok. You were right that it was dangerous to let him near the button. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2626 Really. It's up to us to repopulate. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2627 Sure, but SHE had her own email server 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2628 I bet I know who you voted for. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2629 I'm sorry I clicked on that link. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2630 Split a cab? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2631 Why do we always have to bring other people into our fights? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2632 I was just trying to surprise you with dinner . . . and then Whoosh! 1.2532 0.06853 79 66 6 7
2633 I liked him. He said what was on his mind. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2634 Yes, but emails. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2635 Do you think someone will do something about the election now? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2636 He's running for a second term. 1.2532 0.06853 79 66 6 7
2637 Next time let's follow the instructions! 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2638 I'm sorry about the souffle 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2639 What's the burning issue this time? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2640 So "Ms. I'm-voting-for-Jill-Stein," happy? 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2641 "Fine. Next time, I'll consider voting Democrat. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2642 At least we don't have to visit your folks this summer. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2643 Wanna fool around? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2644 It doesn't feel like a Sunday. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2645 Why, I had a great day! After 21 years on the job, I finally got to push the button. 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
2646 Please, no more garage-sale pressure cookers! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2647 It was only a little charcoal starter. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2648 But it looked so easy when Emeril did it, honey. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2649 Can we just keep this between us? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2650 How, exactly, was this my fault? 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2651 Crazy first hundred days. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2652 You didn't have to blow up like that! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2653 I told you D.C. would be a bad place to visit this month. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2654 Let's just hope somebody wins soon. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2655 Yes, I would still vote for him! 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2656 Well, I think I've been exposed to your explosive side... 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2657 My facts still say he was a good president. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2658 At least, he built a wall! 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2659 ...but if only one Russian is left -- we won. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2660 Thoughts? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2661 But it's good for the shareholders. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2662 Come here often? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2663 Now aren’t you glad I paid for the lower deductible? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2664 No, we're not great again yet, but it's a start 1.2436 0.06873 78 66 5 7
2665 Yes Meryl, yes, you may have underestimated his temper tantrums. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2666 Your move. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2667 Believe me, the deal he made with Putin was absolutely terrific! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2668 Did you really mean it when you said 'not if you were the last man on earth'? 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2669 We should have voted for Hillary. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2670 Still think he's going to "Make America Great Again"? 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2671 So, about that 'last man on Earth' thing ... 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2672 Yeah, but still, the swamp was drained. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2673 Funny how life inmates our marriage. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2674 Oh, yeah? But Benghazi! Missing emails! 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2675 I think this would be a good time to discuss our future together 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2676 I didn't promise you he would be here! I said we could go and wait, but Godot, you know, could be busy... 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2677 seriously....what did you have to lose? 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2678 We can still be friends. You make it sound like it's the end of the world! 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2679 NOW will you agree that the Electoral College should be abolished? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2680 Oh, and you weren't curious about the reset button. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2681 But her e-mails... 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2682 But still, her email server. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2683 No, I do not know where you left the remote. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2684 When they said this place was going to experience a population explosion, I had no idea. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2685 And SHE deleted those emails! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2686 Where should we eat? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2687 Kiss and make up? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2688 It's important that we retaliate swiftly. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2689 On the bright side, our yard looks better than the Joneses. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2690 So, do you still think he's going to make it great again? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2691 At least he used a secure e-mail server to do it. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2692 Look on the bright side. At least the lesser of two evils didn't win. 1.2436 0.06873 78 66 5 7
2693 We'll have to take the trick-of-treaters more seriously next year. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2694 I'm in the mood for love. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2695 It's like when I'm with you nothing else can bother me. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2696 SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY TODAY 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2697 see i told you he'd drain the swamp 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2698 Well, 2016 was interesting 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2699 Well, I feel great again. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2700 Let's not tell anyone we met on Cinder. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2701 We should never have unfriended them. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2702 Well, I certainly haven't forgotten about her emails. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2703 I definitely preferred the Age of Aquarius. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2704 I warned you the lawyers would take it all. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2705 I'd only heard of the 'Scorned Woman' effect. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2706 Well, if he's going to make America great again, it's better to start from scratch. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2707 Maybe he meant South America. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2708 So, you're still standing by your vote? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2709 Well, love is a battlefield. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2710 Do you still want to see LA LA LAND? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2711 Now will you sign the papers? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2712 Please don't say 'I told you so,' but you were right about that mattress tag. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2713 Bad day at work sweetie? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2714 Yes, Dear, I heard you say you smelled gas, but the Giants were about to score. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2715 to think it all started with the Tweet heard 'round the world... 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2716 Touchy battery in my smart phone. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2717 At least our molecular structure remains intact. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2718 We'll find out what's happened. Hand me the remote. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2719 For the sake of argument, let's just imagine I AM the last man on Earth. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2720 Given the current political landscape, 2016 seems like such a distant memory. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2721 You were right. We should have tried marriage counselling. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2722 You started it. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2723 Go ahead, blame it on Trump. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2724 What, we're still together?? 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2725 On the bright side, I no longer feel bloated and gassy. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2726 So much for the elephant in the room. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2727 For the last time, yes I'm sure I locked the front-door before we left. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2728 And they also took away my Obamacare. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2729 Well... not quite the first 100 days I was expecting. Coffee? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2730 I never thought I would meet someone who also liked earthquakes. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2731 Ok! Alright! I'll never invite the guys over again! 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2732 At least he didn't have a private email server. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2733 I still think he was a better choice than Hillary. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2734 Well, he did get rid of all the Muslims. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2735 I told you I'm no chef. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2736 OK, maybe laissez-faire capitalism isn't effective 100% of the time, but MOST of the time it works just fine. 1.2436 0.07111 78 67 3 8
2737 I clearly said, "the one on the left is the reset button and the one on the right is the launch button" 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2738 Not even if you were the last man on earth... 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2739 "Like a box of chocolates", you say? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2740 Next vacation let's check with TripAdvisor before booking. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2741 I can't remember if I closed the garage door. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2742 Well... I'm now the last man on Earth. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2743 Is that a"no"? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2744 It would have been worse if Hillary was elected. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2745 Would you vote differently next time? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2746 You asked me to nuke dinner. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2747 I always thought it was the First 100 days that were significant, not just Day 1. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2748 I won't admit anything. I still think Hillary would have been worse. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2749 Now, as I was saying. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2750 I thought you would cancel my Trump vote! 1.2436 0.06873 78 66 5 7
2751 So, how do you think the date is going so far? 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2752 I voted for Trump...You? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2753 Eve, you once told me 'Adam, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.' Care to reconsider? 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2754 I told you not to antagonize him on Twitter. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2755 It seems you and I have hit a rough patch. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2756 When you said, if you were the last man on earth... 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2757 Well, at least he tweeted us first 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2758 I got rid of the spider. Satisfied? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2759 Not that I'd ever say, "I told you so". 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2760 Who knew Twitter could be so dangerous? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2761 Ok, ok, I voted for him. I never thought he'd WIN. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2762 Oh? You take this as a sign that Putin isn't our friend? 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2763 I am sure this is just part of the plan to make America great again 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2764 I take back what I said I wouldn't do even if we were the last two people on this earth. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2765 Well you started it. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2766 I already told you: I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last man on earth. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2767 There goes our theatre subscription. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2768 Is this what he meant by "Making America great again?" 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2769 I guess we should have asked how he was going to be the greatest job creator God has ever seen. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2770 I realize it was a good deal, you booked well in advance, and it's Aleppo's high season but you had to buy non-refundable tickets? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2771 Upside: You said you wanted to downsize. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2772 My name's Adam and you are? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2773 Yes, I was a boy scout. Why? 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2774 But I'm the only man left! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2775 I think your Flambe' went FlamBoom. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2776 I thought it was just a video game. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2777 I still wouldn't vote for anyone with a private e-mail server. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2778 Well, we bought this house for the land. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2779 So Alice, tell me again why building a bomb shelter was the most ridiculous idea you ever heard. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2780 I told you, we should have voted for Hillary! 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2781 I said Air BnB, not Air TnT!! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2782 Not my idea of "great again." 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2783 It's the 'we still have each other', that worries me. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2784 We are NOT going to your Mother's. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2785 OK, so you were right. And I know Twitter is gone, but I'll bet he finds a way to tell us how bigly he personally destroyed the other guys. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2786 I'm fairly sure today is your day to clean. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2787 Okay, so that wasn't my photo in the profile. I still need you to repopulate the earth with me. 1.2436